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hi everyone, it’s us again :) 👋 We recently made an iPhone app called Home Workout for Women: Fit. The idea is pretty simple: fitness should feel doable, not intimidating. Not everyone wants to go to the gym, follow intense workout plans, or spend an hour exercising every day. Sometimes you just want a short routine you can do at home, with no equipment, no pressure, and no confusing fitness language. That’s what we tried to build with this app 💛 It’s designed for women who want to: 🏡 Work out at home ⏱️ Fit short routines into busy days 🔥 Lose weight and burn calories 🍑 Tone glutes and body 🧘‍♀️ Build healthier daily habits 💪 Feel stronger and more confident 🌿 Start gently without feeling overwhelmed The workouts are beginner-friendly and made for real life. You can choose your workout time, follow simple guided exercises, set weekly goals, track progress, and keep moving even on days when you only have a few minutes. We’re giving away Lifetime Premium, normally $49.99, for free to get honest feedback from people who want to try it 🎁 App Store link: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/home-workout-for-women-fit/id6767311346 To join: UPVOTE this post so more people can discover it 🙏 lifetime 🎁 (48H Only) https://apps.apple.com/redeem?ctx=offercodes&id=6767311346&code=FITWOMENLIFETIME We’d really love feedback on the workout flow, exercise difficulty, UI, motivation/reminders, progress tracking, premium features, or anything that feels missing. Thanks a lot submitted by

I've been struggling with my body for the last 5 years after becoming a mom and gaining over 40 lbs. I avoid looking in the mirror as much and don't enjoy taking pix anymore. I'm looking for recommendations for youtube channels/playlists of workouts that helped you lose weight. I know losing weight has to be paired with changes in diet. submitted by /u/BeeSuperb7235 to r/AskWomenOver30 [link] [comments]

EDIT: I am sooooo appreciative of everyone's nice words!! It was super motivating to hear all of your stories and how you chose to overcome them. I won't let this get me down. I'll be sure to stand up for myself and report any creepy interactions to staff to help keep other women at the gym safe. Warning long rant ahead. Cheese pizza. I work out at my local planet fitness and I have never had too many issues. My biggest complaint about the gym are the men. Which I’m sure many women on here can agree with. I have dealt with men who have staring problems, men who give me unsolicited advice, and men who try to talk to me in the middle of my workouts. I am still quite new to the gym scene and have been going since last January so the amount of creepy interactions I have had since starting is quite baffling to me. Today was the worst encounter I have ever had. I was working out on one machine and there were two men working out together and taking turns on the machine behind me. I have seen the two of them together at the gym multiple times. They are older, at least in their 50s, and are quite jacked. I finished my workout on the machine and went to the sanitation area to get the stuff I need to clean my machine. On my way back one of the men stop me and asks for my name while introducing himself and his friend, extending his hand for a handshake. I reciprocate the action and give him my name without much thought. He then tells me he and his buddy have seen me at the gym a few times now. I acknowledge that I have see them before too. He proceeds to tell me that I have an amazing shape and he can tell that I workout a lot. He proceeds to compliment my body a few more times. I awkwardly say thank you as I am kind of frozen and have never really dealt with a situation like this before. He proceeds to ask how old I am. At this point I should’ve left, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I tell him my age and he acts shocked and what he said is what really disgusted me. He goes “my friend thought you were 18. You look great for your age.” This made me realize the two of them were talking about me sitting directly behind me while I was working out. I tried to move on to the stair master but I caught them looking at me from time to time so I didn’t stay for much longer. I am on the autism spectrum and it takes a while for me to fully process the situation, understand the impact of it, and asses how I felt about it. A few hours after I got home I burst into tears because I felt so disgusted with myself and how they made me feel about my body. I have been crying on and off since. I have never felt this kind of gross feeling before. I am quite scared to go back since I see the two of them there frequently enough. I’m even considering switching gyms but I’m aware no matter where I go there will be men that make me uncomfortable and it sucks. I want to be able to exist in my body without being stared at and making me feel self conscious. submitted by /u/Waste-Cockroach8284 to r/GirlDinnerDiaries [link] [comments]

One of weirdest parts of being a therapist who helps men is how often I find myself getting annoyed with men in my life. You’d think I could cut my big dogs some slack. I sit with men every day who’ve been abused or whose hearts are breaking because their relationships are falling apart or who can’t stop yelling at home even if they know how scared their kids get. I witness the vulnerability they’re horrified to share with others. I know why we tend to struggle to have deep, meaningful relationships and friendships. But men still let me down so often. What annoys me is men talking at me. Women do it too sometimes. But mostly when it happens it’s a man telling me the structural integrity of some random construction material or a workout I should try or a movie I should watch or how AI is actually awesome and not bad for the world (my stance is, like almost all technologies except nuclear bombs and other outright evil innovations, it’s only bad because capitalists, not workers, control it). I get frustrated, but my face smiles and nods. Very few of the words they say get into my ears. My main goal becomes to get out of the conversation. I can’t wait to step away and have a moment to myself, or find someone, most often a woman, who likely can carry on a better, more connecting, more fun conversation. I wrote about where that comes from in us and the value in learning not to do it. Curious your thoughts! submitted by /u/futuredebris to r/MensLib [link] [comments]

hi there im19f! my mom is about 50 years old and I'm posting on her behalf to find a suitable workout plan (or some sources perhaps) at home because she is looking into weight training etc. she is just looking to get FIT! no weight loss nothing like that... if anyone has any ideas please do let me know, and i apologize in advance if this isnt the right sub for questions like these. thank you! submitted by /u/visualizebrick to r/AskWomenOver50 [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwra0099909009922 Boyfriend keeps trying to “upgrade” or “improve” me by calling me chubby Originally posted to r/relationship_advice TRIGGER WARNING: Body shaming, negging, psychological abuse, controlling behavior Original Post Apr 3, 2020 I’ve F(23) been dating my boyfriend M(27) for a year. I am 5”4’ and 125lbs. He pursued me. Slowly he keeps making more and more negative comments about my appearance. He made me a workout and eating plan and constantly asks if I follow it. He basically wants me to go vegan. Honestly I’m not into the vegan lifestyle and I don’t eat horrible. When we order in yesterday I got baked ziti. He looked at me and said how could I be ordering this when we both agreed I need to lose weight. Everytime I try to dump him over this, he tells me I don’t understand where he is coming from. He told me I’m average and he wants me to stand out. That he noticed I have low self esteem and he is trying to make me confident and be happy with myself. Everyday he asks me if I did my work outs. He will send me photos of other girls and say if I follow what he says I will look like that. He REALLY pursued me and now I feel like he’s killing my self esteem. Why pursue someone so hard if you aren’t that attracted to them? He told me if I lose fifteen pounds I’ll be perfect. He sends me pictures of women who have post pregnancy bodies or not good bodies at all and he tells me that they are like me, that they are chubby and not curvy. Or he will send me pictures of girls I don’t consider pretty and say if I listen to him I will look like that, I just need to lose weight. I tell him I think I’m thinner than those girls and he tells me that he has better eyes. Honestly at this point I don’t want to break up because I feel no one will find me attractive. I feel like I want his approval. I’ve been wearing baggy clothes because I’m so ashamed of my body. I use to like my body but now I’m ashamed. Why is he dating me if I’m so unattractive? How do I gain my self esteem back? Why pursue me? RELEVANT COMMENTS [deleted] "How do I gain my self esteem back?" By dumping the person who keeps destroying it. OOP I’m nervous no one else will want me :( I know it’s dumb but I feel like someone would be settling if they’re with me now [deleted] "I’m nervous no one else will want me" AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHY HE DOES IT!!!! It's a psychological manipulation It is a series of negative comments designed to make you feel you can't risk losing him. ~ You_Talk_Funny Send him a picture of Gerald Butler in 300 and if he can't achieve those results by tomorrow morning, dump him. You're only trying to build up his self esteem. He'll thank you for it eventually. See what I mean. OOP Updated the post the Next Day Apr 4, 2020 Edit: I would like to thank everyone for the overwhelming response. I can’t get back to everyone, but I appreciate each and every message. Honestly I didn’t realize my situation was that bad, I am going to assume he had me under control. This really was reassuring and I’m so happy I found this community and made this thread. I broke up with him over text message and explained to him how you talk and treat me is not how you talk to anyone let alone your girlfriend who you are suppose to love. That I hope he changes for the next girl he dates because he’s a miserable person and no one deserves his abuse. I blocked his number, I’m sure he might try to show up at my house, but I just felt the need to end it as soon as possible. I think I’m going to take some time for myself since my self esteem is still in the gutter, but thank you all 💕. FINAL COMMENTS mmactavish Excellent update! keep your doors locked when you’re home. If he shows up at your place don’t open the door, no matter what he says. If he wants to give you something tell him you don’t want the flowers, gift, whatever, take them away. If he wants “just one last hug goodbye” tell him no. If he refuses to leave tell him you’re reporting him for trespassing and harassment. Edit: also tell him he’s being recorded, even if he’s not. Once he’s inside he will have a plan on what to say to twist things around and make you doubt yourself, he knows what buttons to push. He might make huge promises and demand another chance to prove he’s a good guy, as if you owe him something (you don’t owe him another chance or more time). Worst case scenario, he wants to punish you for daring to break up with him. It’s not worth it, just don’t open the door and tell him to go home. OOP He already starting calling my house and parents cell phones. He was mad I didn’t try to fight for us and said that I was being abusive for him because this is the third time I broke up with him and played these games. He was saying he has no friends besides me and he needs me I’m just too sensitive. I’m not responding and just recording anything he does because you can never be too safe. Honestly I’m not even upset about the breakup I just have that feeling of worthlessness, but I had that even with him. ~ perkypancakes Reading this made me tear up. Please love and value yourself. Seriously you are perfect for being your unique self and someone will love you for that, not based on appearance. Don’t stay with someone who makes you feel like less than any other person. There are beautiful people in the world, those who make others feel beautiful. This guy is not it, what he’s doing to you is ugly and exactly how he feels about himself inside. Staying with someone like him will not bring you happiness and you deserve to be happy. OOP Thank you for your kindness and compassion 💕. I made an update and broke up with him over text. My self esteem got to be so low that I just took this as normal and him helping me. I guess part of me wants to see the good in everyone, even if it’s not there. At the end of the day I know I’m a nice, sweet girl who doesn’t put others down especially those I love so I know I have that going for me. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT Original OP, OOP is u/transformerdad posting in r/relationships ——————————————— [Original | June 29th, 2016] My [39 M] wife [30 F] of 6 years is upset I lost weight and wants me back to before Throwaway. Wife follows me on Reddit... I got married to my wife 6 years ago when she got pregnant. Ideally, we would have dated for longer than 9 months, but it is what it is, and we had our son soon after. Within the few years of our marriage, life was good. I got to learn a lot more about my wife and we got along really well, much more than when we were dating. Then my dad died of a heart attack when I was 35. My dad had just turned 59. This was a reality check, and I remember I cared so much because I had my son, and if I wanted my son to have me around when he was 35, I was at least going to have to live to 71 without keeling over from a similar health issue. I went and did a physical and blood work, found that I had high cholesterol and high blood pressure. I told the doctor my workout plan and diet, and set on my way. Following r/loseit was really helpful as well as r/keto. Within a year, I was down to my normal weight, and within two years I had a six pack, something I never had when I was younger. From that point, my doctor told me my health had exponentially improved, but I was thirsty for more. I wanted to look even more aesthetically pleasing, so I got a picture of the 300 cover photo and set about building my body for that Halloween. In that time, I think my wife and I must have grown apart. My wife used to always be fit when we dated, but after having our son, she must have been busy to go exercise. I invited her with me to workout (I saved up money and built a separate 2 car garage behind the house to build a home gym), but she would say she was tired or "happy the way she was". I would go for jogs with my son in the stroller, and whenever she joined us, she would insist we walk. I asked her to try jogging, and she would snap back asking if I don't find her attractive. Of course, I love my wife. I love her as the mother of my child, I love her as the daughter-in-law she is when helping my mother, and most of all I love her as my wife and how she is forever my companion. This became even more apparent with time. While I would be cooking chicken breast and broccoli for the week, she would say that I should start eating lasagna and fried chicken that I used to eat before. I told her that I didn't want to go back to being overweight/obese (my bmi used to be 32 and the doctor said that was classified as obese, now my bmi was 25, borderline overweight, but I am at 10% body fat) so I was careful with my food, and she got so upset. She asked if I thought she was fat, and I calmly told my wife to go ask the doctor because I thought she looked good, but I was biased. After her appointment the next week, she came back home crying. She said her doctor said she was overweight and should consider a diet plan and working out. I thought I would see changes in my wife's behavior, but nothing happened. Now, summer has come around, and my son is a bubbling ball of excitement and always wants to go to the pool. I take him to the community pool to play with other kids that live in our neighborhood, and my wife joins us sometimes. Last weekend, the neighborhood had a pool party, and everyone and their kids were there. My wife came, and my son and I were having fun, playing in the water and socializing with the people who came there. When we got home, after my son took a nap, my wife walked me into our bedroom, and started questioning me. She asked me if I was sleeping with X woman who was there, Y woman who was talking to me, or Z women whose kid I was helping dry off and talking too. I said I didn't know what she was talking about, and then she pulled out her phone to show me pictures she had taken from her seat. They were pictures of me smiling and talking to these women. I sat my wife down and told here I would never cheat. I have a son that she provided me, and a wife that I loved and cared so much about. She wouldn't accept that answer though. She said that I must be attracted to those women because they can look good wearing bikinis while she is heavier than them (her words, not mine). Then she changed the focus to me. She said I was getting all this attention because I was now fit compared to before, and it would cause me to waiver in my fidelity now that other women were attracted to me. My wife told me that she wants me back to my old self, when she didn't have to worry about other women and we could be comfortable together. She said she feels this undue pressure to become fit herself, and feels like its too stressful to maintain that lifestyle. Can someone please tell me what to do? I am not going to lie to my wife, but if I am being honest, I think she would be much more attractive if she tried to get back in shape. Even just trying. I don't know how I can tell her this without hurting her feelings or making her feel more insecure; can someone tell me how to approach that? tl;dr: Now that I have lost weight and look fit, other women are flirting with me and my wife is starting to get jealous. She thinks that I will cheat on her in the future, and she wants me to get back to my old self. Relevant & Top Comments Commenter 1: Your wife probably needs some therapy. This isn't about you, it's about her. She has low/no self esteem and is insecure. Why don't you offer to cook all the meals for 5 days, some good healthy food and if she enjoys it you can say "See, now that wasn't so bad." Once she starts getting good food to fuel her body, she may have more energy to feel like starting to work out with you. OOP: She goes to a therapist once a month... she doesn't talk about it with me, but I saw a bill one time, and connected the dots. I cook only healthy meals for dinner and breakfast, and offered to make lunch for her as well, but she said she likes to buy out. I know she also has a snacking habit where she will go through chips and cookies while working... I feel like I've tried all that I know so far. Commenter 2: That's fucking disgusting for her to ask that of you. Tell her that what she's doing is unreasonable and you've given her no reason to actually believe you're cheating. Being overweight is what it is, and you are so incredibly strong-willed and I, random internet stranger, am very proud of you for improving your lifestyle. Don't let your wife throw all of that away for you. OOP: Thank you kind internet stranger :) The only other person who has said they are proud of me is my mom and my son. I showed him a picture from before and he said "Wow daddy, you used to be so fat, but now you are like Superman!" At the same time, I understand where my wife is coming from. Back when we were dating, I was wondering what a beautiful girl like her was dating a guy like me. 6 years later, I guess the tables have turned. I think I just need to watch my interactions with other women and make sure my wife does not get the wrong idea. ——————————————— [Update | June 30th, 2016 | 1 Day Later] Update: My [39 M] wife [30 F] of 6 years is upset I lost weight and wants me back to before Thank you everyone for your posts and advice. I really appreciate it! I made a few realizations about myself and my relationship to my wife. I wasn't easing my wife into getting into a healthy lifestyle and had completely forgot that when I started out, I took it very slow. It took me 4 years to get to where I am now, and my wife was trying to keep up with my current lifestyle, which can definitely be overwhelming. I was trying to look for the perfect opportunity to talk about this with my wife, and to ease the mood a little, I went and bought her favorite bottle of wine and a bouquet. I went to talk to her in our bedroom after our son had gone to sleep, and she had these old photo albums. Apparently she had stopped by her parents place after work to help them with some summer cleaning, and she wanted to keep the photo album to go through their memories. I gave her the flowers and opened the wine and we looked through the pictures while we were cuddling. We were leafing through the pictures, and then I saw one of a strikingly handsome man in a football uniform holding a girl that looked exactly like my wife when she was 24 kissing him. My wife was so interested in the picture, and she started tearing up a bit. I asked her what was wrong, and she pulled out her phone and showed me a picture of her parents now. They're in their 60's, and still in love, but they have lost their shape that they had in their youth. Her dad had a really large beer gut, and her mom was overweight, but they were happy. She was saying that when we got married, she was hoping we would be like them. They never worried about losing faith in one another because their attractiveness faded as they grew older, but their love for one another continued to grow. She talked about her old boyfriend, who became so popular in college, and girls threw themselves at him, that he ended up straying; she was worried the same would happen to me because women in the neighborhood started to talk and say they wish their husbands worked on their bodies like I did. She was starting to feel really insecure. Then I took that opportunity. I gave her a kiss, and then told her that she loved me when I was fat, and women like them never noticed me. She still loves me, but those women just lust. Sure, my eyes might dart, it is physically natural, but I loved her so much, valued our relationship so much, and only needed her in my bed, I couldn't even imagine laying with another woman besides her. She started crying tears of joy, and I didn't stop there. I pushed on wards. I grabbed the picture of her parents from college, the picture she had of her parents now, and a picture of when we started dating on my phone. I told her what her parents did, lose track of their health but still grow old and love each other is one way to live life. They got the chance to see their grand kids, but I know the health problems her parents have. Then I brought up my dad, and how he wasn't able to spend much time with his grandson, and how I want to have the opportunity to see my future grandkids and maybe even great-grandkids. I said I wanted her to be by my side. I took a picture of us now, and had the picture of her parents, and said, "Why can't this be us when we're in our 40's, 50's, 60's, till we die?" I told her I loved her, but because I loved her so much, I wanted her to become healthy. She doesn't need to get to her pre-baby weight, or anything drastic. I told her my story of how I just wanted to get fit, but then that developed into a desire to look good, too. She admitted that she also wanted to get back her health, and at the same time she was hoping to stick to her new years resolution to lose 20 lbs. We talked, set up a plan, so she is cutting the snacks down to two cookies a day and logging everything she eats, and portion control. That was when she brought up her monthly appointment with her psychiatrist. Apparently she had been going to talk about how she could get over her overeating habits. I felt so bad. I had neglected my wife when I was trying to become healthy, when I could have included her in my journey and it would have been so much easier to do together. We set up an exercise schedule every day, and she was joking how we should have sex every day to make sure we got our cardio in. I took the in, and we had sex the rest of the night. I haven't been as intimate with my wife like I was last night since our honeymoon. I hope to keep the momentum going tonight since we both took vacation for the long weekend ;) I took the advice of being more intimate with my wife even outside the bedroom, and was kissing her and playing around with her while we were making breakfast today, when I hear a voice shout from upstairs "DADDY! YOU SAID WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TOUCH GIRLS LIKE THAT!" Ended up having the "When a man and a woman are married, and love each other so much, it is ok to do that, because that is what leads to a baby" conversation today. I can still see the shock in his eyes... but it had to happen so I can feel more comfortable kissing my wife and squeezing her butt in front of my son. I am so glad my wife does not have depression and that we were able to work together to put a plan to get back her health. She was showing me pictures of power couples, saying in a year or two she wants to take a picture like that together, so I am so glad she has that goal in mind. I also feel ashamed. When I was starting, it was to become healthy, but I liked the physical changes I saw in my body. Then for my model, I picked Leonidas from 300. But my wife, who has restarted on her fitness journey, printed out this picture of a husband and wife who are both fit. It just goes to show who loves who more, and I definitely need to work on that. Anyways, thank you so much for the support reddit. I really appreciate the help, and look forward to helping my wife with her journey, so that together we can live a long and wonderful life seeing our son grow older and his future kids. tl;dr: Got some wine, saw some pictures of healthy/fit couples, decided we can do it together. Starting a plan slow with moderate diet changes, 3x exercise a week, and lots more sex for cardio. Scarred my son for life because he knows that maybe girls don't have koodies because his role model is grabbing his mom's butt in front of him. Relevant & Top Comments Commenter 1: Well, dang, that's a happy ending, and it's good to see that you all worked this out to a conclusion where you both will be happy and secure in your relationship. Side note: one day, show your son the picture about romantic love where it says "I will buy you tacos and touch your butt." I have no doubt hilarity will ensue. Commenter 2: Haha, your poor son is going to think that touching butts is what leads to babies. I mean, I'm sure you probably actually explained it in an age appropriate way that made sense to him, but the way you said it in the post was.... amusing OOP: To put it short and sweet, I said "If you are married, and a husband and wife love each other very much, they can be blessed to have a baby." He thinks each time I say blessed it means that God happened. So I thought it sufficed for now. God happened. ——————————————— THIS IS A REPOST SUB—I AM NOT OOP. DO NOT COMMENT ON THEIR POSTS submitted by /u/Awwndrei to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

January is the month of lies. If you’ve worked in the fitness industry as long as I have, you eventually learn to hate the calendar. January 2nd marks the beginning of the migration of repentant souls. They arrive in schools, wearing lycra clothes that still smell like the store, carrying colorful water bottles, fueled by the fragile determination of someone who spent three weeks stuffing their face with holiday roast and sides and now wants a pop star’s body before Carnival. We call this "Project Summer." I call it "Project Desperation." My name is Danilo. I’m a personal trainer and floor instructor at IronFit 24h, one of those low-cost gym chains that have spread through São Paulo like a fungal plague. Black walls, neon yellow lights, electronic music played too loud, and membership fees that are way too cheap. I work the shift nobody wants: midnight to six in the morning. It’s a lonely shift. The crowd at that hour is usually made up of insomniacs, ER doctors, cops, and a few antisocial meatheads who hate sharing equipment. The sound of weight plates clanking echoes in the empty warehouse like gunshots. The smell is a mix of rubber, citrus disinfectant, and cold sweat. But this specific January, something was different. It started with Mariana. Mariana had been a regular student on my shift for about six months. A nurse, thirty-something, slightly overweight. She was always nice, the type who brings coffee for the instructor and chats about TV shows between sets on the leg press. Her goal was to lose 5kg (about 11 lbs). A healthy, realistic goal. When I came back from my New Year’s break on January 3rd, Mariana was there. It was 3:15 AM. I was at the front desk, fighting off sleep, when she walked in. I almost didn’t recognize her. In less than two weeks, Mariana looked like she had lost 10 or 15 kilos (20-30 lbs). Her workout clothes, once tight, now hung off her body like empty sacks. Her face was gaunt, her cheekbones protruding like blades beneath pale skin. There were deep, purple circles around eyes that looked glazed over, focused on nothing. "Mariana?" I called out, stepping out from behind the counter. "Wow, long time no see. You look... different." She didn’t smile. The old Mariana would have made a joke about cutting carbs. But this Mariana just turned her head slowly in my direction, like a robot with rusted gears. "Need to train," she whispered. Her voice was hoarse, dry. "Sure. But... are you okay? You’re pale." "Spinning Room," she said, ignoring my question. "Kleber said the Spinning Room is closed for maintenance." Kleber was the unit manager. A guy who looked like he was assembled from Lego pieces made of meat and steroids. Teeth too white, a fake orange tan, and an aggressive corporate energy that made me nauseous. He was never at the gym at dawn; his shift was strictly 9-to-5. "Is Kleber here?" I asked, confused. Mariana didn’t answer. She marched toward the back of the gym, where the bike room was located. It was a closed room with soundproofing and glass windows which, I noticed now, had been covered with brown butcher paper from the inside. "Maintenance," read a crooked sign on the door. Mariana typed a code into the keypad on the door. The light turned green. She went in. A blast of hot air escaped the room before the door closed. Hot and humid. And with a strange smell. It didn’t smell like sweat. I went back to the counter, uneasy. Over the next few nights, the pattern repeated. And it got worse. It wasn’t just Mariana. I started noticing a group. There were about ten of them. Men and women, varying ages, but they all shared the same cadaverous aesthetic. Gray skin, sudden and excessive thinness, trembling hands, and that dead-fish stare. They always arrived between 3:00 and 3:30 AM. They didn’t speak to me. They didn’t use their fingerprint at the turnstile (which was against the rules, but the system seemed to release them automatically). They went straight to the Spinning Room, typed in the password, and disappeared inside for exactly one hour. None of them touched the weights. None of them drank water. They walked in, and they crawled out, leaning on the walls, soaked in a sweat that looked oily. I tried to talk to Kleber at the shift change, at 6:00 AM. "Kleber, what’s going on in the bike room?" I asked, grabbing my backpack. "The night crew is using it, but the sign says maintenance. And Mariana... man, she’s sick. She lost weight way too fast." Kleber was drinking his whey protein, scrolling on his phone. He didn’t even look up. "It’s a high-performance group, Danilo. New franchise protocol. Metabolic HIIT. Elite stuff. Don’t worry about it. They pay for a Black Diamond plan." "But they look like crack addicts, Kleber. Seriously. Their skin is melting off. And what is that smell?" Kleber finally looked at me. The white smile vanished. His eyes went cold. "Are you a doctor, Danilo?" "No, I’m a physical trainer." "Then train physiques and leave the management to me. If they get sick, they signed a liability waiver. Your job is to watch the weight room and make sure no one steals the dumbbells. The bike room is rented for a private project. Don’t meddle, stay in your lane." He patted my shoulder. A pat that was a little too hard. " The job market is tough, Danilo. Don’t lose your job over curiosity." I went home, but I couldn’t sleep. The image of Mariana haunted me. I knew what drugs did. I’ve seen people abuse diuretics, T3, Clenbuterol. But this was different. They weren’t just drying out fat. They looked like they were being consumed from the inside out. Last night, I decided I wasn’t going to ignore it anymore. It was 3:40 AM. The "Zombie Group," as I’d mentally nicknamed them, had been inside the Spinning Room for twenty minutes. The gym was empty, except for them and me. I went to the door. I pressed my ear against the glass covered by the brown paper. The soundproofing was good, but not perfect. I could hear the hum of the bikes spinning. But I didn’t hear music. Spinning classes have loud music, shouting, motivation. In there, the only human sound was... moaning. Muffled screams of pain. Crying. And someone vomiting. I tried the handle. Locked. I looked at the keypad. Four digits. I remembered the gym’s anniversary. Nothing. I tried today’s date. Nothing. Then I remembered Kleber’s ego. He had a tattoo on his arm: 1985. The year he was born. I typed 1-9-8-5. The light turned green. I took a deep breath, pulled my shirt up to cover my nose, and opened the door. The heat hit me like a physical punch. The temperature inside must have been bordering on 50°C (122°F). The air was thick, unbreathable, saturated with humidity and that chemical smell of rotten vinegar mixed with boiled meat. The room was dim, lit only by red emergency lights along the baseboards. There were twelve bikes. All occupied. But they weren’t just pedaling. Mariana was on the front bike. Strapped to the machine. There were velcro straps binding her wrists to the handlebars and her feet to the pedals. She was pedaling at a frantic, inhuman pace. Her legs were spinning so fast they were a blur. But she wasn’t doing it voluntarily. Her bike—and the others—were connected to an external motor. The motor was forcing the pedals to turn. If she stopped applying force, her legs would be snapped by the mechanical movement. She had to keep up with the machine’s rhythm to avoid having her bones ground to dust. But the worst part wasn’t the forced movement. The worst part was the masks. Every student was wearing a transparent oxygen mask, connected by tubes that went up to the ceiling, feeding into the AC vents. Inside the masks, a yellowish gas was being pumped in. Mariana looked at me when I entered. Her eyes were red with burst blood vessels. Her skin glistened with sweat, but also with blisters. Small burn blisters covered her arms. She tried to scream, but the mask muffled the sound. She was cooking. Literally. "My God!" I shouted, running to her bike. I tried to undo the velcro. They were locked with industrial zip ties. I looked at the bike’s panel. There was no stop button. The wiring went straight into the wall. The other students didn’t even look at me. Some seemed passed out, heads hanging low, but their legs kept spinning, spinning, spinning, driven by the motor, tearing muscles and ligaments in unconscious bodies. "What the fuck are you doing here?" The voice came from the back of the room, from the shadows. Kleber was there. He was wearing a white hazmat suit and a professional gas mask. He was holding a tablet. "Turn this off!" I screamed, coughing from the heat and the chemical smell. "You’re killing them! Mariana is burning up with fever!" Kleber walked calmly toward me. He looked huge in that suit. "They’re not dying, Danilo. They’re metabolizing. Do you know what DNP is? 2,4-Dinitrophenol?" He pointed to the tubes in the ceiling. "It’s an industrial compound. Used to make explosives in World War I. The workers who handled it lost weight until they vanished. It uncouples oxidative phosphorylation. Basically? It makes the cell stop storing energy and turn everything into heat. Fat turns into fire." "This is poison!" I tried to lunge at him, but the heat was making me dizzy. My legs felt like lead. "It’s efficiency!" Kleber shouted, his voice muffled by the mask. "They signed the contract, Danilo! They wanted to lose 10 kilos in a week. They begged for this. I’m just giving them what they asked for. The gas raises their basal body temperature to 40 degrees. They burn 5,000 calories an hour sitting there. Yes, it’s uncomfortable. Yes, it cooks the internal organs a little bit. But look at her!" He pointed to a woman in the second row. She was skeletal. "She walked in here wearing a size 14 on Monday. Today is Friday and she’s a size 4. Her 'Project Summer' is done. Who cares if she needs dialysis for the rest of her life? She’ll look skinny in a bikini!" "You’re sick!" I tried to punch him. It was a mistake. I had been breathing that toxic air for two minutes. My strength was gone. My punch was slow, pathetic. Kleber just grabbed my arm and shoved me. I fell onto the rubber floor. The floor was hot. It burned my hand. I saw Mariana looking at me. A tear of blood ran down under her mask. She mouthed something. I read her lips: "Kill me." I stood up, stumbling, and ran for the door. I needed to call the police. I needed to get out of that oven. I grabbed the handle. Locked. "The session isn’t over, Danilo," Kleber said, typing something on the tablet. "The locks are automatic. They only open when the thermal cycle ends. Thirty minutes left." I heard a mechanical click come from the ceiling. The hissing of the gas got louder. "And since you’re here... and you’ve seen the franchise’s trade secret... I think you need a workout too. You’ve been looking a little bloated, Danilo. Too much beer over the holidays?" I felt my throat close up. The air was turning yellow. Kleber walked toward me. He wasn’t going to put me on a bike. He didn’t need to. Just being in that room was enough. "DNP in gaseous form is absorbed through the skin and mucous membranes," Kleber explained, as if giving a biomechanics lecture. "Without the mask, you’ll absorb a lethal dose in... let’s say, ten minutes. Your temperature will rise to 42 degrees. Your proteins will denature. Your brain will cook inside your skull. It’s a quick death, but... hot." I ran to the windows covered with brown paper. I pounded on the glass. Double tempered glass. Unbreakable without a hammer. I screamed for help. But who would hear? The gym was empty. The soundproofing was perfect. Kleber sat on a stool in the corner, crossed his legs, and kept monitoring the data on the tablet. "Save your oxygen, Danilo. The more you move, the hotter you get." I felt sweat break out on my forehead. It wasn’t normal sweat. It was a flood. My shirt was soaked in seconds. My heart started beating out of rhythm. I felt a burning in my stomach, as if I had swallowed hot coals. My vision began to blur, yellowing at the edges. I looked at Mariana. She had passed out, but her legs kept spinning, spinning, spinning, driven by the relentless motor. I heard a dry snap — CRACK. Her knee had broken. The bone tore through the skin, white and shiny, but the machine kept forcing her leg to turn, grinding the joint with every rotation. Kleber didn’t even look. I fell to my knees. The floor was boiling. I tried to crawl to the door. My skin was red, throbbing. I could feel my blood bubbling in my veins. It felt like being inside a giant microwave. "Twenty minutes left," Kleber’s voice sounded distant, metallic. "Hang in there. Think of the results. Think about how shredded you’ll look in the coffin." My eyes are swelling. I think my tears are evaporating before they fall. I’m writing this on my phone’s notes app, with fingers slippery from sweat and the grease leaking from my pores. The battery is dying. The phone is overheating too. If anyone finds this phone... if anyone finds what’s left of us... Don’t believe the official report. They’ll say it was a fire. They’ll say it was a short circuit in the sauna. It wasn’t. It was Project Summer. Kleber is standing up now. He’s coming toward me with a syringe. "To speed up the process," he says. I’m so hot. I just wanted the air conditioning to work. Mariana stopped moving. The machine keeps spinning her legs, but her head has fallen back. Her mask is full of black vomit. Kleber is smiling. It’s January. It’s the month of "Project Summer." It’s the month... of lies. submitted by /u/davidherick to r/stories [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/TrainingDistance4448 Originally posted to r/AITAH Previous BoRUs: #1 [New Update]: AITAH for telling a woman at the gym that she's embarrassing herself? NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, obsessive behavior, stalking, racism, falsifying accusations Mood Spoilers: scary and frustrating RECAP Original Post: June 2, 2025 I go to the gym a lot. About sixish months ago I noticed a woman I'll call Andrea. That's not her name, but it will be for the rest of this post. I don't know if Andrea started going to the gym six months ago or if that's just when I noticed her. Full disclosure, I spoke to her first, but I had no way of knowing what the result would be. A lot of the machines at this gym have little entertainment systems attached to them that can access local channels. I got on a treadmill and realized the TV on the treadmill wasn't working. Andrea was walking past and I said "hey, do you know if there's an issue with the cable? This TV isn't working, but I don't know if it's just this one or all of them." She said the same thing happened to her on a different machine. I thanked her. That was the whole interaction. A week later she asked me for some electrolyte powder for her water. I said I didn't have any. She was cool with that and asked me how long I'd been coming to the gym and what I did for work. I answered and returned her questions. She said she was new to the area and worked in private security. We had a few more chill conversations after that. Six weeks ago she asked me out. For reasons I won't get into here, I wasn't interested. I declined. She said not to worry about things being awkward at the gym if we don't work out. I said that wasn't the issue, just not looking to date right now. She kept talking to me, and at first I kept talking to her, but I started to think something might be wrong, and I started avoiding her. Two weeks ago she walked up to me while I was on a machine with only one way to properly dismount that involved stepping into whete she was standing. She asked if I was avoiding her. I said I was and apologized. I said I just don't want to date right now. She said I don't have to avoid her to not date her. I said okay. I kept avoiding her though. Tonight while I was working out she confronted me again about avoiding her. I had a bad day and told her to leave me alone. She asked why I'm being such a prick, and I said because I wanted her to leave me alone. I then said that she was embarrassing herself and needs to stop. She put her foot on top of the weights, and I thought she was going to press down on them, so I let go of the bar very quickly, causing the weights to slam and make a loud noise. Several people looked over. She said "now who's embarrassing himself?" and walked away. Did I go to far by saying that? Do I owe her an apology? Update: I went in early this morning for a run and told the front desk staff about Andrea putting her foot on the weights. They said they would talk to her. Then, after work, I went in again for a regular workout. I was working on my legs when she walked up to my machine. The first thing she did was apologize about the weights. I don't know if someone talked to her or if that was of her own initiative. I accepted her apology and apologized for saying she was embarrassing herself. She said she forgave me, but if I wanted to really make it up to her I could buy her a drink and she would buy me one too to make up for the weights. I said maybe we should buy our own drinks (meaning separately at different places and times) and she misunderstood me and asked when and where. I told her I meant that I didn't want to go out with her. She said this wouldn't be a date but a reset for our friendship. I said I didn't want to be friends. She said I was being a douche and asked what my problem is. I said the weight incident made me uncomfortable, and I would rather us just give each other space. She then asked me if my problem with her is that she's Hispanic. I was so taken aback. I didn't even know she was until she said that. I said no, that she just makes me uncomfortable. She wanted me to explain what about her made me uncomfortable, and I tried to do so, but she argued with every point I made. I got frustrated and told her to just stay away from me. She said fine and that I have a lot of maturing to do. Then she walked away. I'm hoping that's the end of it. Relevant Comments OOP on why he doesn't want to get in a relationship OOP: She's just not my type. Even if she was, I don't want to get into a relationship right now. My last relationship lasted three years, and I need to remember how to be single before I hop right back into another relationship. Commenter 1: "Something might be wrong" what do you mean? OOP: I don't know how to explain it. I almost felt like she was having a completely different conversation with me than I was having with her. She seemed inappropriately enthusiastic. That's the best way I can think to say it. Downvoted Commenter: Dude, she just moved into the area, probably lonely and doesn't know anyone I'm guessing, did she ask you out on like a friend hang out type deal or was it a proper date? OOP: It was a date. She asked me if I wanted to get a drink with her sometime, and when I declined she said I don't need to worry about things being awkward at the gym if we "don't work out" romantically, and I had to decline a second time. Commenter 2: Good for you on taking a breather. NTA by the way. She either has severe mental health issues or hasn't been socialized properly. No "normal" person would ever put you in that position. I make every excuse I can when I'm not interested in someone, but when someone can't take a hint you do eventually have to disregard their feelings. I mean, think about it. She disregarded yours. OOP: That is a good way to think about it. I hadn't considered that part. Thank you. Commenter 3: I wouldn't go to the police RN because you've only just told her to leave you alone. But if gym management doesn't stop it then yeah I would go to the police. Harassment is harassment. If you were a girl and she was a guy who worked in security who also put their foot on your equipment people would be really concerned- rightly so. OOP: That's kind of a different situation. I have at least sixty pounds on her. It's not like she can follow me to my car and beat me up one night. What she did was dangerous and creepy, but what could she really do that's worse? Maybe drop a weight on my toe, but I can't think of anything else. It's not like she knows where I live.   Update #1: June 8, 2025 (six days later) Summary of previous post (skip this paragraph if you read that post): A woman at my gym, Andrea (fake name) asked me out after some normal not at all romantic interactions. I turned her down and shortly after I stated getting a weird vibe from her and started avoiding her. She confronted me about avoiding her twice, and the second time I said she was embarrassing herself, after which she put her foot on the weight stack of the machine I was using, causing me to let go of the bar really quickly and slam the weights. I initially thought I was the asshole for my rude comment, and most posters said I actually under reacted and should talk to gym management, which I did, after which Andrea confronted me again and asked me out again. I turned her down, we argued briefly and she said I needed to grow up. Actual Update: Andrea is banned from the gym! I was running on the treadmill and watching TV. She came up to talk to me, and I ignored her, staring at the TV. She raised her voice and I continued to ignore her. She reached out and pulled the safety tab out of the treadmill (the one you connect to your wrist so the treadmill stops if you fall), causing the treadmill to come to a sudden stop. I tripped and fell onto the controls and TV, scratching my chin on the top of the screen. I went to the front desk with Andrea following me. I told them what she did. She kept trying to interrupt me and talk over me, but the woman at the front desk told her to be quiet and wait her turn. I told her Andrea pulled out the safety tab while I was running and injured me. The woman at the front desk then asked Andrea what happened. Andrea said I was "staring into the middle distance" like I was in some kind of "fuage state" and she thought I was having a medical episode so she pulled the tab. The woman at the front desk asked for her membership card. Andrea didn't want to give it to her, but the woman at the front desk said if she didn't she would ban her. Andrea gave her the card and the woman at the front desk said to leave and she was suspended for a month. Andrea objected and got into an argument with the woman at the front desk that escalated into Andrea calling the woman an N word B word. So she was banned permanently. I hesitate to call that a happy ending because the poor gym employee had to put up with racial harassment, but I won't deny getting to watch her cut up Andrea's membership card felt good. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Still NTA. Andrea proved herself to be crazy, with a side of racist. OOP: And the irony is that SHE accused ME of being racist for not wanting to date her. Commenter 2: I’m guessing she doesn’t get told No very often. I’m glad it had a safe ending OOP: Thank you. I am too. Now that it's all over I'm starting to process it. The whole thing was so crazy. My heart rate is up higher than it ever gets when I run, which is nuts. Commenter 3: Hmm. If you see her again and she acts creepy it’s worthy of reporting to police. Just pay attention to your surroundings in case she stalks you OOP: She's banned from the gym, so I doubt I'll see her again. She doesn't know where I work or live. OOP on his race and Andrea's race OOP: She said she's Hispanic. I'm not going to tell you what race I am. Downvoted Commenter: Seriously, this is honestly your response. If so, you aren’t actually into women. You may not know it yet, but you aren’t. It’s a completely normal question for a person to ask is this crazed psycho who is trying to date you is Hot or not. Every straight male is thinking the exact same thing. OOP: I date women. I recently left a three year relationship with a woman, and she could tell you that I definitely like women. I just don't think women are defined solely by their appearance. I'll give you an example. I have this friend I grew up with. She is objectively very beautiful. Many men (and women) have told her so. While I can see that she is beautiful, the first thing I think when I see her is "that's my friend that I love dearly" not "that's an attractive woman that's probably good at sex." I have never been attracted to her because we treat each other like siblings. Conversely, in this situation, even if Andrea was my type (which she isn't) and I was looking to get into another relationship (which I'm not right now) it still wouldn't matter because her behavior towards me was so off-putting. She could look like Allyson Hannigan (an actress I think is particularly attractive) and it wouldn't matter because I don't date women that put people in physical danger when they're upset. Commenter 4: INFO: Are you okay from the injury? NTA, but just be careful. I’ve had jarring injuries while running from having to unexpectedly stop on a dime, and, while it felt okay at the time, it caused a stability-related injury next workout. OOP: I'm okay. It's just a scratch.   Update #2: June 12, 2025 (four days later) Sorry for the incomprehensible post. I posted this last night when I was drunk. I'll rewrite it to explain what happened. Last night I went to a bar near my apartment to meet up with some friends. The three of us were drinking and having a good time when Andrea walked up. I never saw her enter the bar. I only noticed her when she was in front of us. She greeted me and said it was good to see me and leaned in to try to kiss me. I pushed her away from me and she fell, but one of my friends caught her. She started yelling and asking what the fuck is wrong with me. I told her to stay away from me and not come any closer. She asked if I was embarrassed of her and didn't want my friends to see her. I said this is the third time you've tried to assault me and I want you to stay away from me. At that point the bouncer showed up to ask what was going on. Andrea said I pushed her. I tried to explain that she tried to kiss me and is stalking me, but I was drunk and not doing a great job. My friends also tried to explain that I was innocent, but they were also drunk. Security kicked me out of the bar. My friends walked me home. I am definitely going to try to get a restraining order. This has gone way too far. Top Comments Commenter 1: she is literally stalking you and it's going to just get worse. if she tries to follow you again PLEASE call the police. ask your gym for video footage of andrea purposely sabotaging your workouts, purposely trying to injure you and following you around. this situation is insane and escalating from following you around the gym to full on intruding into your personal life. does she have any of your social media? if so, definitely block her, as clearly she's starting to learn your patterns and outside hobbies. be safe!! Commenter 2: Might be a stretch but you should inform your workplace that you have a woman harassing you in retaliation for being rejected and banned from the gym after she escalated to violent and dangerous behaviour. If she found you in a bar (assuming it wasn’t a coincidence) then she can find out where you work and try to sabotage your job and reputation. And go to the police. Commenter 3: Now that it’s gone beyond the gym, you need to start the process of getting a restraining order. She’s unhinged as fuck, you need to get the law on your side. Go back to the bar on a different night and ask for the manager. Explain the situation and the context - make sure to mention that you’re in the process of taking out a restraining order against her for stalking and harassment. Try and clear your name, you were with friends and a woman walked in and immediately created a scene - but YOU were kicked out?? Nah I’d be fighting that, that’s some bullshit.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Update #3: December 20, 2025 (over six months later) Update: Andrea the Gym Nut I doubt anyone remembers this, and you can check my profile for context if you want, but I saw this subreddit while scrolling and remembered the password for my throwaway account. So if there is anyone out there that has been wondering about Andrea the Gym Nut, here's the answer. I did get a restraining order against Andrea as many suggested. It wasn't super effective. If I saw her and called the police she would usually be gone by the time they arrived. A couple officers gave me a hard time about calling. They thought I was wasting their time because I'm a man and she's a woman. The stress started to impact my job performance. My boss was sympathetic, but my coworkers started to get annoyed with me. Also the fact that Andrea had shown up at work was a huge liability for us. I saw the writing on the wall and knew I was going to be fired soon. I did what I had been putting off for a long time. I moved back home and decided to go back to school. It was hard at first. The situation with "Andrea" was more traumatic than I had been able to acknowledge to myself. I tried therapy, and the first therapist thought my issue was that I was too closed off and didn't want to give what sounded like a nice young woman a chance. So that sucked. I swore off therapy after that, but eventually my friends convinced me to give it another try, and I found a great therapist who has helped me a lot. My family wasn't particularly supportive at first, but they eventually came around (somewhat). My friends have been great this whole time, and they're the only reason I didn't have a meltdown. I also got back together with my high school girlfriend! I know, ironic. That situation isn't all sunshine and roses either right now, but we're working on it. I'll be starting school again at the beginning of the spring semester. All in all, I'm okay. I'm not great, but I'm okay. But who cares about that, right? You guys want to know about Andrea. What happened to Andrea? I have stayed as far away from her as possible, but my more tech savvy friend has been keeping tabs on her online presence in case she posts anything that might mean she's found out where I moved or had plans to do something to me. He usually doesn't update me unless it's something safety critical, but three weeks ago he told me I might feel safer knowing that Andrea is engaged! So she probably won't be stalking me in the future. I am amazed by this turn of events. There really is someone for everyone, even crazy stalkers. So that's the update. No prison for Andrea, only matrimony, which is its own kind of prison, in a way (just kidding). That's all folks! Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I totally remember this post! Wow, I find myself actually feeling bad for the idiot who's engaged to such a psycho. I am really glad, however, that you are doing so well! It's sad that you were forcing that situation, but it seems like it's worked out as well as could possibly be expected and even better! Congratulations and I hope everything continues to go well for you. OOP: Thank you, I appreciate that. It was really rough for a while, but I think I'm coming out of the other end of the tunnel now. As for Andrea's husband-to-be, maybe they're perfect for each other. Who knows? Commenter 2: Man people failed you every step of the way. Happy you got safe honey. OOP: Thanks. They really did! But I learned some important lessons.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is Ashamed_Butterfly373. She posted in r/AmIOverreacting Paragraph breaks added for readability Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is over 7 days old. Trigger Warning: infidelity; leaving someone stranded in the middle of the night in an unfamiliar place; possible eating disorder; over-eating Mood Spoiler: dude wtf. Sad but also ultimately good for OOP. Original Post: December 9, 2025 My boyfriend(28m) and I(27f) have been dating for almost 2yrs and living together for 6months now. I met him through my friend at a house party and we immediately hit it off. He was almost exactly like a guy I wanted, extremely tall and huge, witty with jokes, kind and well-dressed. And he was absolutely buffed. We vibed throughout the party and exchanged numbers at the end. He has met my family a couple of times after we moved in together and they absolutely loved him. My grandparents host thanksgiving dinner almost every year and we were both invited to it. I thought it would have been lovely to make him meet with them and my other family members too since my uncle's family would be there too. He had to drop his sister of at his parent's house(2hr drive) and picked me up from our house(it was an 1.5 drive to my grandparents house). Everyone was happy to meet him and it seemed like they really liked him until we sat down for dinner. We said our grace and grandpa carved the turkey started to pass it around the table, it was a regular-sized turkey like we have for every thanksgiving enough to feed 12 and still have leftovers(we were 10). Both of us were sitting at the end of the table next to grandpa so my bf was the last one to get it. There was still a lot of it left because everyone took only a little and would pass around again for more after some time. He placed it right next to him and started digging though the entirety of it. He was so profuse as my nephew said later "gobbling it up". I told him quietly to go easy but he did not listen. He started saying how good it was and my grandma had a huge smile on her face. He was eating just the turkey and my grandpa said "Boi someone really likes turkey", everyone laughed but it got to a point were everyone was talking about it. He did not take any hint and shrugged it off like a teenager. My face turned red from the embarrassed and I could see everyone judging us so hard. I could hear my uncle and his wife make unfunny jokes about it. It was finished without getting to anyone again with no leftovers. My bf is a gym freak, he spends ridiculous amount of time and money on working out, eating protein rich meals, online courses, etc. He has a set protein limit that he hits everyday, sometimes over it but never under. He also gets his protein from just the meals, no supplements, so he is used to having large meals. It has never been a problem with me and I respect his way of living if not love it. We cook together all the time and if i'm not in the mood he happily makes me a meal for me. He won't even let me contribute in grocery expenses. Because of him, I started eating healthy and felt a lot better about my life-style. After the dinner when we got into a fight while driving home. He said he had been driving all day and didn't eat anything after breakfast so he had to "hit his protein" and that he wasn't enjoying it after some time and "had to just shove it down the throat". I said if he was that hungry I would have happily made him a meal after we had gotten home but now everyone in my family is gonna talk about how you finish something made for the whole family. He had thought everyone took their share. WHAT?! He got really mad and said I'm blowing this out of proportion and overreacting over a simple meal. I snapped saying how am i overreacting if I am just trying to communicate about what he did. It was an hour long drive so things got heated up, he kept saying i'm calling him a pig for eating like that and should probably get out of his life if its such a problem because he believes he did nothing wrong and isn't gonna change himself. He persisted on it even though that wasn't my point. I got so bad that he dropped me at a gas station in the middle of night and said think about what I just did. I was terrified. I collected myself to call an uber to my sister's house and sobbed the entire night. I told myself after a week things would get clear. He hasn't texted me nor did I. I can see how i could have reacted differently but I can't get myself out over the fact that he just left me in a stranded in the middle of the night. Am I overreacting or should I make a move on making things straight? One of OOP's Comments : Top-Bit85: You made him feel like a greedy pig because that's how he behaved. You all tried to tell him gently to stop. I guess you should have been more direct. Kick him to the curb. Especially since he dropped you at a gas station in the middle of the night. Do you think he might be using steroids to get that angry? OOP: I agree. I should have been more direct but my thinking at that time was not to escalate it more and be discreate about it. I am not 100% on the steroid use, i ask him about how his workout was and sometimes give a massage if he is really sore, but that's about it. But lately he is getting passive aggressive, I just shrugged it off thinking one of those long days. Top Comments: DrawerNext5604: Girl he LEFT YOU STRANDED???? let's use our brain here. No matter how upset someone gets, you don't just dump them somewhere. GET OUT!!! Normal_Grand_4702: And in the middle of the night!!! cathalizabeth: Someone who doesn't take the whole family (or all the meals that will be made with turkey leftovers) into account is a selfish dud. Someone who force-feeds himself half a turkey so he can 'hit his macros' or whatever, even though he no longer wanted to and it was making him feel sick, likely has an eating disorder. Someone who 'isn't gonna change himself' is a bad partner. Someone who dumps you at a gas station in the middle of the night (on Thanksgiving!) is ABUSIVE. You are totally in the right and should stay FAR away from him, even if he apologizes. So many red flags here. Glad you're safe from this dude. MaleficentVision626: Reading this reminded me of the 6 foot sub guy on AITA a while back. Totally 100% selfish. A lot of people rely on leftovers from thanksgiving in the week after! [editor's note- I got you. link] Update (Same Post): December 11, 2025 (2 days later) Edit: Thank you everyone for all the comments, I did not expect to get this many reactions! It really helped me to hear other perspectives and seeing how naive I was. Here is an update of what happened after i posted this: I called him to talk about what had happened, the call was answered by a women who's voice I didn't recognize (yes, it wasn't his sister, i know her voice very well). When I asked if i could talk to him, she replied "He is in a cardio session, i'll tell him to call you later". I was puzzled after this so I waited for his call imagining all the worst things and it turned out to be right. He was cheating on me. He told he had been seeing her for a couple of months, she works as a coach in the gym that he goes to. I searched her up on Instagram and she is a fitness influencer with a lot of followers(a lot!). He said she is a better match for him and will help him "Grow his career on social media"(Yes, he has a fitness channel too but with nowhere near the amount of followers she has). She had much better body than me. When asked why didn't he tell me earlier and ended things right there? He said he knew I would overreact and act emotionally immature like i am doing right now and wouldn't "understand him". He has packed my things in boxes and kept them in garage and told me to collect it or not, he doesn't care and ended the call. I started sobbing uncontrolled, my sister was beside me and comforted me. She said his "fitness influencer" gf might not even know that we had been dating and he is running after her followers not her. I started saying he couldn't do that and she replied that I'm in denial and he probably saw the opportunity on thanksgiving argument and got rid of me making me think I was the one that caused the end of our relationship. I'm taking my sister and her bf to collect my things this week and probably get a closure. submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

So I posted about 6 months ago about my husband not doing any work around the house and my difficulty being attracted to him as a result, which he was complaining about. I did what you all suggested and let the house go to shit. I cleaned up my own messes and cooked for myself, but left all of his messes up to him. I moved to the spare room so that I could keep my sanity. I needed one place that was tidy so that I wouldn’t twitch as much. I started sleeping there because his unwashed workout clothes were rank and scattered across the floor. Dishes were piled up fast, his hair was all over the bathroom sink, there was trash piled up by the door. He complained about it all, accusing me of not doing my duty as a wife. When I reminded him that we go 50/50 on literally everything to do with finances, so we should be 50/50 with housework too, he actually said that he is now making enough so I can be a stay at home wife and a stay at home mom in the future. I had so much discontent in my body, all I could think was “no way in hell”. He actually said that when we started fighting, he threw out all his condoms and hid my birth control pills for the next month because he wanted to be a dad and he thought a baby would make me happy, because I was clearly unhappy with it being just the two of us. This is a bit of a flash forward, but we are getting a divorce. Currently in the middle of it. I can no longer stand this man. I was thinking about how things have changed, because I really did love him at one point and was wondering what went wrong. Here is some context: we met at church. I did grow up in a somewhat conservative community. Most of the women in my family got married and had babies fairly young. When I met my now ex husband, we agreed that we weren’t as serious with those kinds of roles, hence the wanting 50/50. But we still got married kinda young and we did want kids eventually. Well, turns out he has been very influenced by right wing rhetoric these pst few years. His view on women has entirely shifted. It entirely sucks, but it feels nice to be able to put my finger on it. Who he has become wasn’t who he always was, and the same goes for me. So, I am finally figuring myself out! Seeing what it is that I want. I relied on him for decision making way too much and let he want take priority. It’s nice to go grocery shopping and pick out the flavor of ice cream I prefer. submitted by /u/ThrowRALennaa to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Annual_Razzmatazz_94 Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest I think my husband had an emotional affair, and I'll never know the truth Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: obsessive behavior Mood Spoilers: enraging Original Post: August 31, 2025 A woman, Beth, (30sF) moved in to our estate a few weeks ago. A single mother with split custody with her ex. My husband, Carl, (32M) is the chairperson of our HoA. A week or 2 after moving in, she calls my husband to ask his assistance in mounting her TV on the wall. He goes and helps. A few days later her dishwasher was leaking. He goes and helps. This wasn't a problem for me, as he always helps everyone in the estate with little problems. As the weeks go on, she constantly needs help with things, always calling him for help. He goes. I now started getting annoyed as we haven't been in the best state because I've just had a baby (he's 4 months old) and we've had fights where I felt he wasn't helping me enough. I gave natural birth and am still bleeding now and then and my pelvis is still readjusting. Carl goes over to help Beth (AGAIN, even our neighbors who we are very close with commented that its odd) and offers that we do a lunch or something to welcome her and be friends as she just moved here and doesn't really know anyone. Mind you, he hasn't done this for other people. Lunch happens, and she calls me by the wrong name. I correct her and she's very giggly about it. She seems okay, a bit too over the top in terms of trying to be dominant in a conversation, but I think she's okay. She comes over again one more time for a barbecue a week or two later and outlr close neighbors join. They think she's okay, too. Then that week, while I'm at work, she comes over to say hi to my husband (he works from home, she's a teacher and schools are currently closed). She shows up wearing workout clothes. I got a text from my neighbor that also works from home, saying Beth is there. I leave it, as my husband is very social and we have cameras in the house. The next day, same thing. I mention that I'm glad she's made a friend, my husband agrees and that "she's a cool chick". This happens about 4 more times. I then have to travel for work, 4 days away, and then she came over almost every single day. In workout clothes. One night I watched the cameras, and they were sitting by the table eating together, and I just lost it. My husband is an avid gamer, so he plays games every night, earing dinner by his PC... I always beg him to sit by me and eat with me. He does it maybe once or twice a week. I called my husband after Beth had left and told him that these visits while I'm not home are making me very uncomfortable. Shes been over 3 times while I was home, but constantly there when its just him. He apologized and said he will set boundaries. Great! This discussion was on the Thursday night. Friday morning, Beth rocks up again. I keep my cool, because Carl said he will talk to her. I get home the Friday night and we have the discussion again. We are both calm and all that. Monday morning our baby got sick. Carl takes him to the doctor and tells me that I need to be at home Tuesday and Wednesday because baby can't go to baby school because he is sick. Okay cool, I come home early on Monday and look after baby. Monday afternoon, Beth and her ex have a chat about an offer my hubby had made to the ex about him coming over and also being friends (ex lives in our estate too). Do you think Beth texts my husband about this chat that happemd on the Monday? Nope. I am home Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday morning when I go to the office, Beth rocks up to chat about it. I lost it completely, because now its been a week since I told Carl about my discomfort. We had a very serious discussion that night where I said that if I see her here again when I am not here, I know he has no regard for my feelings. He was adamant about staying friends, and asked for a compromise. I said that the compromise is that she does not come here when i am not here. The next morning he went to go talk to her about it, and apparently she was extremely apologetic, really wanting to be friends with me too... but she almost never came over when I was at home. She hasn't been here since then (2 weeks now) and I have not had a text or whatever from her. He refused to show me the texts with her, and I told him that it will always bug me if he doesn't show me. He said "so be it". I honestly think he was having an emotional affair. But I will never know.... My close neighbor told me about a conversation she had with him while I was at work a few weeks ago; "He told me you were jealous and I said well can you blame her then I said that he drops everything for these woman but doesn't do the same for you. And he said "that's what OP said" then he went silent and changed the subject 🤣🤣". Just needed to vent.. Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: Thats really painful, you are right to feel hurt. Even if not physical, the secrecy and attention he gave her crossed a boundary OOP: He honestly made me feel like I was acting crazy, because he only spoke to her after I went delulu. But thank you Commenter 2: He crossed many boundaries. And this is something that you need to go to couples counseling about. You have every right to be concerned and upset. I would tell him outright that he had an emotional affair. Not only did you see it, but the neighbors saw it. And his lack of being forthcoming and letting you see the text messages is indicative of that and may show there is more than an emotional affair. I would go see an attorney to get you affairs in order in effort to protect yourself and your child. Additionally, I would start sleeping separately for now too. Commenter 3: Your neighbour is a hero. Calling him out for doing things for her and not you. Hopefully with someone else saying it, it actually registers in his truck head. Even if it's not emotional cheating he has no regard for your feelings or helping you out but happy to spend time helping other women. Totally inappropriate.   Update #1: October 8, 2025 (a bit over five weeks later) UPDATE: I think my husband had an emotional affair, and I'll never know the truth Update: I managed to see the messages between them. Nothing of a sexual nature at all, not even flirty. There was a day where he texted her at 07h30, but only texted me at 09h45 after I had sent him a text at 06h50, but that's as bad as it gets... He does not know that I've seen the texts so I've kept it quiet. We had a massive fight a few days after I made the original post, and I told him that I am considering separation. I think that made him realize how serious this all is. It's pretty much a blur, but I've started going to therapy to deal with past traumas and I am on antidepressants. Carl joined me in my last session and I think he realizes what Beth's intentions were, as my male psychologist said that that was very unusual behaviour from her, that "she is a threat and has intentions" Carl and I are doing great now, but the reason why I am posting this update, is to show what Beth said to me after I decided to send her a message to bury the hatchet and move on. These are the texts: Me: Dear Beth, I wanted to share what’s been on my mind. I was genuinely glad when we first met. It felt like I’d found someone new with a similar personality, and I thought there was potential for a real friendship. But as time has passed, I’ve felt hurt and disrespected by some of your choices. As someone who has also experienced betrayal, I would have hoped you’d understand how it came across when you frequently visited my husband while I wasn’t home, yet never came when I was there. You had opportunities to build a friendship with me too. I’ve just had a baby, and during such a vulnerable time it was especially difficult seeing how often you reached out to Carl for help. Certain things, like your son calling him “dada”, crossed lines that made me deeply uncomfortable. I tried to brush off a lot, but when you avoided coming by during the days I was home, only to return the moment I was back at work, it became impossible to ignore. I’ve spoken to Carl about his role in this, but as a woman, I also expected you to recognize when enough was enough. In my position, I believe you would have felt the same way. I’ve acknowledged everything now and I’m moving forward. Whether it was you seeking attention or Carl enjoying it, I was willing to let things go, until both of your actions crossed into what I can only call unacceptable. Beth then sent a long voice note detailing how it wasn’t her intention to hurt me, how she just naturally gravitates towards men, bla blah, and how me being an introvert she just didn’t wanna be in my space, blah blah blah. Then sent “I really like you guys and hope we can still be friends. But In saying that I will respect the boundaries and your wishes.” Me: I appreciate your message Beth: Soooo is that a yes we can be friends? Me: If I'm honest, I still hold a lot of resentment. Mainly because what he was freely giving you, attention and effort, I was begging for and not receiving. He tried his best to reach a compromise with me, telling me that you were over one day to ask advice because you met someone at a bar and wanted his opinion if the guy is interested or not. So I received a lot of mixed stories, because I remember you saying that you're happy being single and not looking. I am working through my emotions, as I have a lot of unresolved trauma, and Carl's constant defending you left a very bad taste in my mouth. I don't know if it would be possible while we are still working on things, as this has caused a very big rift between us. I realized my mistake here when I gave her a good feeling because my husband defended her. The next part she sent a bunch of texts. Beth: Carl defended me because he wanted you to realize him and I are good friends Beth: I don’t want to be that person but I do think you need to take a step back and also put yourself in our shoes. Beth: You have a good husband who loves you and your son and wants yo build a beautiful life with you guys but you can't allow insecurities or misunderstandings to interfere with that. Beth: Work on things that's fine but dont push someone away that is wanting to be both your friends. Beth: Take time to think. I won't push it. Beth: What i mean by this is to trust your husband. He is incredibly loyal to you. But he is a social, helpful person who gets along with women as his friends and you need to accept that and trust that there is no ill intentions and he is genuinely just building friendships. She literally sent this in a space of 6 minutes. Me: Sure, I'll put myself in your shoes. Visiting a man only when his wife isn't home. Constantly asking him for help with menial things around the house. I reached out to bury the hatchet. And then you spit out about i mustn't let my insecurities get in the way of someone's blatant disrespectful actions?? LOL! And again, I don't care who he is friends with. Whether its a penis or a vagina. I'm not jealous by nature, as hes had dinner with exes, we've had threesomes and we constantly comment on women that we see in public. But when something makes me uncomfortable and I ask that the visits while I'm away stop, then I'm insecure? Thanks Beth: No OP. That's not what I am saying. I was trying to get you to understand that you have a loving and loyal husband and need to allow him to be friends with others. I did explain to you from my side why I did visit when you weren't there and still did say I will respect you boundaries moving forward but would really like to maintain our friendship Me: He can be friends with whoever the fuck he wants to. I didn't tell him to cut you off. I only asked that you not visit when I'm not here. That's it. If he ended the friendship, that was him. Your blatant disrespect now honestly killed any chances. I said to you that its not a good idea now while we work on things. And you decided that your fucking opinion mattered. If I made a mistake, I would never put the blame on the other woman, blaming her insecurities and saying she must let her husband be friends with other women. Shame on you Beth: I will give you time.😘. Me: There's nothing to think about. You showed exactly who you are, your narcissistic need for attention led you to overstep. Whatever place you imagined you had in Carl's life doesn't exist. He even sees how disrespectful and unacceptable your behaviour was. All of us have lost every ounce of respect for you. Enjoy the life you've made for yourself. I then blocked her. My husband was appalled by her behaviour and said that it’s completely unacceptable. He did not text her to say that, but he did decide that cutting her off was the only option. He promised he would tell me if she texted him, and he hasn’t said anything, so I am trusting him. She has moved out of the estate and is no longer part of our lives. I wish I could’ve given her a proper send off... a glitter bomb or raw fish down her car vents, but I was too preoccupied with work and my baby. We are doing much better, and he sees how much his actions have hurt me. He is making more of an effort to make me feel better and happy and secure in our marriage. Thanks for reading. Top Comments Commenter 1: WHY are you telling this potential homewrecker all your personal information???? Stop texting her! You’re just giving her the upper hand here. Spilling the beans on every facet of your relationship with your husband. STOP. I don’t think this is the end of it. He’s telling you what you want to hear, she’s telling you things about your husband as if you don’t know him. He’ll be loving it. This is going one way and I hope you see it and take control before they manipulate you further. Commenter 2: While it may have been cathartic OP you have her so much information/ammo to use about your relationship. And the way she’s acting it seems your husband painted a very different picture of things to give her the impression this was acceptable behavior. I hope things work out between you and your husband though. Commenter 3: You told her way too much. When she asks if you can still be friends say “No”. Don’t blurt out more of your personal information. It gives her ammunition to argue. Commenter 4: There is power in silence, just saying, You should have never texted her in the first place. Don't let people who are trying to get between you know that anything they have done has any power in your relationship.   Update #2: October 8, 2025 (same post, 12 hours later) NEW UPDATE: Hi All, I've read through all the comments and did some thinking. I realize that I stuck my whole damn leg in my mouth, but I was so caught up in the heat of the moments. I guess it was a mix of me being on new medication, anger that my husband would not just tell her to fuck off, and me trying to set the picture of me not being anything close to jealous. I realize my mistake, and it is what it is. To those saying fake, I don't really care, that's why I posted on a venting sub. Even though things are going better now, and we are in therapy, I still hold resentment because he outright refused to block her while she lived in the estate, saying "What if there's an emergency? I can't block a tenant." and he refused to call her out on her behaviour because "he doesn't want drama". I respect his decision, but it still hurts. We've been together for nearly 10 years and I tell him that sometimes I feel he cares about other people's emotions more than mine. I pretty much am just keeping a low profile now, spending time with my son and trying to focus on the happiness that I do have. Whatever decisions he makes now going forward, I will address it when it happens. I was not in a good mental space when this whole thing happened, am I am growing as a person and learning to control my emotions. Also to control what I just blurt out when I am upset. Thank you for everyone's input. It's not healthy for me to keep dwelling on this. I am moving on now. Whether my husband wants to move on with me, or keep to his old ways... I'll cross that bridge when I get there. And I have a plan for IF things do go sideways. Thank you all.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/lurkandtaway85 Originally posted to r/relationship_advice Previous BoRUs: #1 [New Update]: My (38F) sister (34F) made up a dead brother to her spouse (35M) and in-laws (60’s M&F). I accidentally outed the lie, but why am I the bad guy here? NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Editor's note: made small edits for ease of readability Trigger Warnings: fabricated statements, possible mental health struggles, death of a loved one, grief, depression, domestic assault Mood Spoilers: sad RECAP Original Post (unddit): April 11, 2025 Usually a lurker, but something happened tonight that has me incredibly confused. Apologies in advance for the length. Backstory: I’m the eldest of 4 sisters. We’re stair stepped, 2 years apart. I’m Meg, 38, Jo is 36, Beth is 34, and Amy is 32. Our parents used to joke about how they kept trying for a boy but finally gave up after girl number 4. Not gonna lie, it hurt our feelings a little - especially Amy - but they stopped that and assured us they wouldn’t change anything. Every one us has at least 1 daughter. I am the only sister that has a son. At 17, he’s the eldest grandchild and I’m fairly certain he’s my dad’s favorite person in the world. They are best friends. It’s adorable. Ok now that you have the backstory/fam history, let’s talk about tonight. My son, who is VERY intelligent, and absolutely crushed high school, recently received his acceptance letter to a pretty prestigious university. Full ride. We are incredibly proud. My folks wanted to throw him a little congratulatory party, and tonight worked for all of our schedules (which is no small feat - 4 different families with 11 kids between them), so we all headed to the folks house for pizza and cake. At one point, Amy brought up that it is sibling appreciation day, and Mom said she wanted all of her girls to say what we appreciate about our sisters, and we go youngest to eldest - with most of the compliments going to me, as I was kind of a second mom to them. I told each of my sisters how much I loved them, among other things, and then finished my speech off saying something like “and I REALLY appreciate that we didn’t have any gross boys stinking up our house!” All of us but Beth and her husband laugh. Beth’s eyes got really big and her husband (Chase) looked at me like I was something he scraped off the bottom of his shoe. Suddenly, he says “that’s pretty f*cked up.” I said something like “Idk Chase, I’ve smelled you after your workouts - it’s pretty bad,” and he got even more mad and said “how could you talk about Tyler like that?” And Beth starts LOSING HER MIND, guys. She’s grabbing him by the arm and begging him to hush, saying they need to go home now, etc. So naturally I’m like “umm who is Tyler?” Well, friends. APPARENTLY Tyler is Beth’s twin that died during childbirth. And it made our folks and me so depressed that nobody is allowed to speak of him or reference him, EVER. Beth forbade him from ever mentioning to ANY family member. After Chase told us this, nobody said a word. It was so damn tense. Finally, I just kind of bluntly said, hi Mo “I’m not sure why, but Beth lied to you about this. I think you guys should talk about it, but I don’t want to hear anything else about this tonight, as we’re here to celebrate (my) son.” After that, Beth burst into tears and ran into her old bedroom, with Chase, Mom, and Jo following her. The party never fully recovered and they took off pretty shortly after that. I stayed behind to help clean, and so my dad and son could hang some more. While I’m doing the dishes, my mom scolded me pretty harshly about calling Beth a liar. IF THE BABY SHOE FITS, MOTHER. My dad said I wasn’t wrong, but I embarrassed Beth. What the hell was I supposed to do? I was getting chastised over a lie!! Absolutely not. Beth also texted me that I “f*cked her over,” and a text from Chase’s phone told me I was the actual liar sister and everyone knows that. Amy is on my side, but she and Beth always butted heads. Jo claims she’s neutral, but she also told me I “didn’t have to call her out like that.” What the hell else was I supposed to do? Just take the lashing? And why is everyone acting like me calling out, what I consider to be a pretty heavy lie, is worse than the lie itself? How do we resolve this situation? I love my sisters so damn much - they are my best friends - but this is so weird and so wrong to put on me. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I can’t imagine any other response. I really can’t. Were you seriously expected to lie along with her? I think that is shocking. OOP: I have NO idea what she was expecting??? I have “lied” for her before. But saying she’s at my house while she’s really getting boudoir photos done for him is not the same as lying about a whole person who never existed??? It’s beyond bizarre. Commenter 2: I'm kind of impressed that after all of that she managed to convince her husband that you were the liar. Of course, if he still believes her he's dumb as a brick. I'd think there is proof enough on her birth certificate as it will state she was a single birth. OOP: I will say, Chase is not a dummy, and he’s typically not malicious. And although nobody really backed me up about this being a lie (at least not in front of me), I think it’s pretty obvious that I was telling the truth, as everyone else was obviously confused and dead silent in the moment. I have not responded to the texts, as I’m not looking to burn bridges. I’ve made many mistakes, and my sisters have graciously forgiven me. I’m just,..flummoxed. And a little hurt. Commenter 3: This is very weird. I’m confused at why your parents aren’t embarrassed by your sister’s behavior. Especially trying to keep up the lie afterwards and saying you’re lying. Is she mentally ok? Does she have a history of lying? OOP: We all lied as kids, but I assumed she grew out of it as an adult. We also all exhibited some attention seeking behavior, but again, age appropriate, especially for a family with 4 kids and 2 parents who worked full time. My parents are hippies and very much “live and let live,” kinda vibe. But this feels… icky to me. So I’m a little surprised they’re not more upset about it? Then again, they never “punished” us in front of each other, so they could be dealing with, or planning to deal with the situation behind the scenes. Either way, Beth is WAY too old to be making up dead sibling stories. Commenter 4: Your sister dug herself a weird hole, is now mad she has to dig her way out of it, and is placing that anger on you for accidentally handing her the shovel. If she wants to blame anyone for being caught in a lie she can look in the mirror. How do you fix it? Your sister has to pull her head out of her ass and apologize for putting you all in that position, and then you can think about apologizing for being “blunt” about it. (But tbh, I don’t feel you did anything wrong exactly here. You had no idea what was going on, why you were being accused of being a bad person, and literally just wanted the focus back on your son’s achievements. It’s not like you accidentally spilled a secret you were supposed to keep. Your sister created this entire mess and should probably explain to you guys why she did it) OOP: I appreciate your input and kind words! I don’t like drama, so I find it best to just kinda stop it in its tracks. And my son…we recently got an autism diagnosis (what was formerly referred to as Asperger’s), and it’s messed with his head a little. He’s always been so bad socially, and really struggled making friends. As a result, his cousins got the bulk of the attention. He was really proud of himself and I wanted him to remember this little get together because it was all about HIM for once. Commenter 5: Your sister is a freak weirdo. Making up a dead twin for what? Sympathy? Attention? She fucked up and everyone knows it. Why anyone would want to cover up her lie is beyond me. She made her bed. Let her deal with the repercussions of this outrageous lie. Question though. Did or have your parents tried to set the record straight with her idiot hubby or are they staying silent about this alleged twin baby that never existed? OOP: When I told Chase she was lying, nobody backed me up, but I believe it was kind of obvious bc nobody refuted my claims. That coupled with Beth frantically trying to get her husband to leave…Chase is smart. He can put 2&2 together. I mentioned in another comment that our parents never punished us (nor really got onto us) in front of each other. So I would like to think they’re handling things on that end behind the scenes, and trying to appeal to my dislike of drama and empathy to get me to forgive her. I don’t find the lie unforgivable. I think it’s bizarre and I don’t appreciate it, but I don’t think our relationship is over. I love her. I took her on her first date (took her and a boy to get ice cream and they held hands - we lied to our parents about that one). I helped take care of her when she was postpartum bc Chase had to work. She’s got my heart, ya know? Commenter 6: Just to be clear you do recognize this level of lie as a mental health disorder correct? While I am not a therapist this very much sounds like some strain of Munchhausens. Again not a therapist just therapy adjacent in training and work so I have some familiarity, so get her some professional help. This isn’t just a cry for help, this is a sign of a broken brain that requires professional help and maybe even medical interventions. OOP: I work in healthcare, albeit not directly in the mental health field, but I am a little familiar with various disorders. I actually do think she’s a hypochondriac. One of my nieces is ALWAYS coming down with something (they are not), or my sister definitely has Crohn’s disease (she doesn’t). She won’t drink milk if it’s within 3 days of the Best Buy date. Refuses bread pudding bc you use “old bread” to make them. Won’t eat brownies I baked from scratch the day before bc they’re old… So I know she’s got some issues. But hey, WE ALL HAVE ISSUES. I’m pretty emotionally closed off except to my spouse and children. Some people think that makes me a b-. I try not to be too judgmental bc I’m definitely not perfect, but I’m judging the f out of this.   Update: April 12, 2025 (next day) Ok, I think we have some answers re: the events that occurred last night. I do want to tell everyone who took time to give advice or kind words, thank you. I honestly couldn’t read everything - I was (and am) exhausted. But I did get an idea of how I wanted to approach everything, thanks to the advice given. My post says it was removed, and I’m unsure why, so hopefully this one will stay. I’ll get to the update in a few. I just wanted to answer some FAQ/comments real quick: 1 - this is fake! I WISH IT WAS. I really wish my mind worked in a way where I could make things up like this. Alas, my imagination is lacking. 2 - your parents named you after Little Women? This is probably partially to blame for the “fake” comments. These are just placeholder names I used, as there are 4 sisters in that novel. My parents are hippies, and gave us some pretty noticeable names. If I used our real ones, on the off chance any of our friends read this, they’d know immediately this was our family. 3 - Beth is continuing to lie and Chase is believing it and your mom and Jo threw you under the bus too! Re: Chase, I think he knew I was being truthful. Also, I said the text came from his phone. I was actually thinking Beth sent it, as that’s not Chase’s vibe. About mom & Jo - they didn’t throw me under the bus. But I’ll go into more detail soon. 4 - Is it possible my mom had twins and I just forgot or didn’t know about the death? Absolutely not. I was at all of my sisters births. I don’t remember Jo’s, but I do remember Beth & Amy’s, and there were no multiples, no deaths, no funerals, no depression. 5 - The birth certificate will prove it! It sure would, yes. But I’m not about to try to strong arm my sister into showing her husband her birth certificate. 6 - Your sister is mentally ill, also the golden child, and you’re the scapegoat. I’m not about to say my sister is sick, but I do think she has some issues - as we all do. There’s no golden child and scapegoat in this family. My parents were and are really good about treating all of us fairly and equally. 7 - You could have/should have been more tactful/pulled her aside/not called her a liar. Had I known that “Tyler” was my dead brother, I never would’ve asked who he was. Chase and I tease each other a lot, and I honestly thought he was about to come out with some kind of funny joke, alá “deez nuts.” Re: my lack of tact? Idk, I think it’s pretty lacking in tact to make up a whole dead sibling. And really, facts are facts. She lied, and that’s that. The night was about my son, so I squashed the issue and chose to move forward, hoping to end the conversation with as little drama as possible. Ok so now up to the update: After a night of barely sleeping and my blood pressure dangerously high, I called my mom this morning fully ready to let out an emotionally charged tirade about how I feel they unfairly threw me under the bus and took Beth’s side when she OBJECTIVELY did the worse thing My mom answered the phone apologizing and asked me to just listen. When she and Jo followed Beth & Chase to Beth’s room, Mom did tell Chase that Tyler was not real, and this is an issue between her and Chase, and they should probably leave, because she didn’t want the evening ruined. She did “get onto me,” but it was mostly out of sympathy and empathy for Beth, and she recognized it wasn’t ok. She apologized for that. She spoke with Chase this morning, and Beth (who is the one who sent me the text from Chase’s phone) finally came clean early this morning, after HOURS of denying the lie. Something I didn’t mention, as I didn’t feel it was pertinent to the story, is Beth’s eldest daughter (Madison) isn’t Chase’s biological daughter. He’s been around since Madison was 2. Also kind of pertinent, is that Chase is a first responder. He loves to be a hero. And he’s very good in that role. He met Beth doing victims advocacy. And as such, I believe they both view him as “saving,” Beth. This has a long been speculated, but it’s not exactly our place to say anything. And we all love Chase. He is an amazing person. And Beth is no dummy. She picked up on Chase’s hero complex immediately. It appears that, in an effort to make herself look more….sympathetic? Vulnerable? Broken? She lied about having a twin brother that died in childbirth. I guess being in an abusive relationship and having a small child just wasn’t enough?? She did not have to do that. They’ve been together 10 years now, and not once did she come clean. To me that proves a clear pattern of deceit and manipulation. However, I’m not going to speculate on her mental health problems or reasonings for not coming clean. That is for her and her husband to deal with. Neither one of them have called or texted me to apologize, and I’m honestly unsure if they will. Beth is more of the rug sweeping type, while I’m a confront issues head on type. I will not be cutting my sister off for this, though. I love her, and at the end of the day I just want her to be happy and healthy. I do hope that this whole issue will cause her to rethink some of her life choices and maybe she can get some therapy. I think we could all use therapy, tbh. That’s where we are right now. My mom did not offer any information about how Beth and Chase are doing, and I did not ask. It’s not my business. I have not heard from Jo, but Amy and I have been texting all morning and she is being my best good friend right now and providing a lot of support. Hopefully we can all move forward and grow together in the future. Thanks again for the support you all have sent my way. Top Comments Commenter 1: I am glad your mother apologized, but your sister really owes you - and the entire family - an apology. This was a really selfish and weird thing to do. She also owes Chase and his family an apology. I hope she gets some help for this. Good luck. Commenter 2: Your sister could probably benefit from therapy. I will never understand why people think it’s a good idea to lie about something so easily disproven. Don’t lie about anything and you won’t have situations blow up like this. I hope she comes to her senses and apologizes to you. Commenter 3: I think your family needs to do a sit down with your sister because this isn't normal behavior at all. She lied for 10 YEARS ABOUT A DEAD BROTHER! Y'all need to call this behavior out since she's wayyyy too old to be acting like this. And doing nothing is showing her that you guys will accept similar or the same type of behavior in the future. Commenter 4: Welp this is why she continues to do this nonsense at her big ass age. No one holds her accountable. You can’t move forward and grow together if people don’t take accountability. Your entire family enables her in the worst way   ----NEW UPDATE---- Final Update: September 21, 2025 (five months later) TW: death of a loved one, grief, depression, divorce Well. A lot has happened in the past months. I read all your comments. Multiple times. And I heard you. I faced some very hard truths about my family and our dynamics. But mostly I grieved. About a month after I made my original post, my dad passed away. It was very unexpected. Massive stroke. The worst part was mom was out of town, so my dad died alone. My son talked to him that same day. They made plans for the next week. And then…my dad was gone. It’s been a very hard few months. I started therapy mostly to deal with navigating life without dad, but my therapist made a lot of good points about our family dynamic. Mostly that I was parentified and a people pleaser. That “keeping the peace” comes at a price. And that price was my needs being put on the back burner. And as a result I keep people at an arms length bc of this. And I’ll be damned if she wasn’t right. So let’s rewind a little. During the week or so after dad died, mom was lost (they’ve been married over 40 years, so no surprise there), and as the eldest sibling, I stepped up big time. Jo and I already knew a little about our parents end of life wishes, and we chose to go forward with cremation. Mom agreed (this is her wish as well), as did Amy. Guess who didn’t? If you guessed Beth…you’d be right. She just had a complete meltdown, wailing over how she couldn’t stand the thought and will NOT allow it, and blah blah blah. This is probably the first instance of me shutting her ass down. I told her, in NO uncertain terms, that this wasn’t her choice, it was our father’s preference, and it was happening regardless. Next, she was wandering thru the house, trying to pick out shit she wanted, before mom had even given us her blessing. When she started, mom asked her to please stop, let her sort some stuff first, and then she will give a yes or no. When Beth asked what she needed to “sort out,” Mom mentioned dad’s watch collection. There was one specifically for my son, and when Beth inquired as to which one, mom refused to answer. Beth insisted that wasn’t fair, she should have first pick, blah blah blah. Mom and Jo apparently shut that shit down with a quickness. I wasn’t there, but my son is now wearing the first “luxury” watch, my dad ever bought, and he is so proud. Don’t worry though, - all the grands have something special. Next, she got absolutely plastered at his end of life ceremony, went around wailing and making literally the whole thing about her grief and how her wishes weren’t respected, and before I could snap (and believe me, I was THIS CLOSE), Chase dragged her ass out of venue and I’m not sure what happened, but when they got home, police were called, Beth was arrested, and my niece ended up with my mom for the night. My BIL did have some bruises to back him up. Despite Beth calling us…nobody bailed her ass out. We are just DONE with it. She did get released on her own recognizance, and only ended up with some community service and a fine. Chase was more than willing to do therapy with her, but she started drinking even more, and as result is being more aggressive with both him and the kids. There was another situation, and long story short, Chase is divorcing her and petitioning for full custody. He has asked us to write letters on his behalf, and I believe all of us are going to do so. I don’t know what is going on with my sister, but she is on a downward spiral and it’s so sad to see. She refuses to speak with anyone, and I’m just done trying. I’d already decided to cut her off after the bullshit at dad’s end of life ceremony, but this solidified it. I won’t be updating again. I’m washing my hands of all of this. I hope my sister gets help, but it’ll take a lot of work, and she’s never been one to want to put in the work. I’m putting myself first, for ONCE, and concentrating on my children, my husband, and MYSELF. Thanks for listening to me vent. Y’all are almost as good as therapy.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

EDIT Here are answers to common questions I am seeing: Does my workout/diet interfere with time with my family? No, it does not. I wake up early before anyone else is awake and workout in the garage. The only time I go to the gym is on my lunch break at work. I would not be able to leave the office early if I did not workout at lunch. My meal prep happens on Sunday when the family is at church (I would not be going to church with them even if I was not meal prepping). I shop for the whole house for groceries for the week and then make a big batch of chicken thighs, big batch of chicken legs, and a big batch of chickpea salad, and then vacuum seal and put into the freezer in the garage. Do you cook for your family? Yes, I cook 100% of at home dinners for my wife and son. I make them whatever my wife wants. I will warm up my food in the microwave and eat with them. Does your wife get time to herself? Yes, my son is in daycare. That started in June. Prior to that, he was at home with my wife and did a mother's day out. Additionally, both our moms are retired and love to be with our son whenever they can, so she would regularly drop him off. Additionally, in the evenings during the week, after dinner, I am solely responsible for the kid until I go to bed at 10:30. I am also solely responsible for him on Saturday mornings. And if I am not working, I will be with our son whenever she needs/wants. Spending time with the little guy is incredibly fun for me. Do you spend time with just you and your wife? Yes, we have weekly date night on Saturday and usually do something just us on Sunday. We also spend an hour or two Monday-Friday together. Do you do chores? Yes, they include mopping, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms every other week, all yard-related tasks, doing any poopy/pee laundry for my son, doing all my own laundry, woring with my son to straighten up his room before bed, and maintaining my areas of the house (namely my section of the bedroom). This is a throwaway account My wife (Jen) and I went to the same college. We met at the beginning of her freshman year (my sophomore year) in Fall 2017. I was an offensive tackle on the football team, as such, I was always a large guy. Jen was a small girl with an hourglass figure who guys on campus would pretty brazenly check out whenever she went anywhere. We started dating pretty quickly and dated on and off over the next 2 1/2 years. When COVID shutdowns hit, we were living together. Jen got pregnant during the shutdowns. At that time, I was weighing about 350 lbs. I had some pretty significant back and knee problems. I decided I needed to make a change because I wanted to be an active and involved father. At first, Jen was supportive. I changed my diet (no fried food, sweets, or soft drinks). I increased my workout routine. The weight pretty quickly started coming off. By the time my son was born in early 2021, I was down to 310 (about the weight I was when Jen and I started dating). We got married in the Summer of 2021. I decided I wanted to keep losing weight. I was motivated, feeling great, and wanted to get to about 200-210. Jen became less supportive, but she was not hostile towards my goal. I did my best to structure my workout routine to decrease the amount of time I was away from home. I started going to the gym during my lunch breaks from work and made a little area in the garage for me to do my cardio in the morning. I made all of my own meals. Outside of her concerns about my weight loss, our marriage seemed good. I was in individual counseling and had suggested couples counseling, but Jen was not open to the idea. We were both enjoying our little family life with our son. We decided to try for a second child. Jen is currently six months pregnant. Since getting pregnant, Jen has become very hostile towards my diet and workout routine. It has mostly consisted of digs and passive-aggressive remarks about my working out and about my body. About two months ago was her 25th birthday. We got dressed up and went out to a nice dinner. The evening seemed to be going well until she went to the bathroom. When she came back, her demeanor had changed completely (I recently learned she had overheard some women in the bathroom commenting on how "cute" I was). Her overt hostility towards me working out has increased dramatically. The thing that is making me leave is that there is a fridge in the garage where I store my pre-made meals. I will make meals for two weeks, store/freeze them there, defrost, and then warm them up for meal time. I had just done two weeks' worth of meals, and she threw out the meals. I told her I was disgusted and done. This happened about six weeks ago. She has since come to me and tried to offer an explanation. Except that her explanation has made it worse. She is jealous because she used to get all this attention from other men, while I got no attention from other women and now, I get attention from other women and she gets no attention from other men. I asked her why she would even want attention from other men, and she could not explain it beyond, "it makes her feel good." I asked her how she would feel if I told her that I workout because I wanted attention from other women? She said she would assume I was cheating. She said she is willing to do counseling now. She had repeatedly tried to initiate sex and I have blocked those advances. AITA because I want to leave? submitted by /u/PictureDry6904 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/TrainingDistance4448 Originally posted to r/AITAH AITAH for telling a woman at the gym that she's embarrassing herself? Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, obsessive behavior, stalking, racism, falsifying accusations Mood Spoilers: scary and frustrating Original Post: June 2, 2025 I go to the gym a lot. About sixish months ago I noticed a woman I'll call Andrea. That's not her name, but it will be for the rest of this post. I don't know if Andrea started going to the gym six months ago or if that's just when I noticed her. Full disclosure, I spoke to her first, but I had no way of knowing what the result would be. A lot of the machines at this gym have little entertainment systems attached to them that can access local channels. I got on a treadmill and realized the TV on the treadmill wasn't working. Andrea was walking past and I said "hey, do you know if there's an issue with the cable? This TV isn't working, but I don't know if it's just this one or all of them." She said the same thing happened to her on a different machine. I thanked her. That was the whole interaction. A week later she asked me for some electrolyte powder for her water. I said I didn't have any. She was cool with that and asked me how long I'd been coming to the gym and what I did for work. I answered and returned her questions. She said she was new to the area and worked in private security. We had a few more chill conversations after that. Six weeks ago she asked me out. For reasons I won't get into here, I wasn't interested. I declined. She said not to worry about things being awkward at the gym if we don't work out. I said that wasn't the issue, just not looking to date right now. She kept talking to me, and at first I kept talking to her, but I started to think something might be wrong, and I started avoiding her. Two weeks ago she walked up to me while I was on a machine with only one way to properly dismount that involved stepping into whete she was standing. She asked if I was avoiding her. I said I was and apologized. I said I just don't want to date right now. She said I don't have to avoid her to not date her. I said okay. I kept avoiding her though. Tonight while I was working out she confronted me again about avoiding her. I had a bad day and told her to leave me alone. She asked why I'm being such a prick, and I said because I wanted her to leave me alone. I then said that she was embarrassing herself and needs to stop. She put her foot on top of the weights, and I thought she was going to press down on them, so I let go of the bar very quickly, causing the weights to slam and make a loud noise. Several people looked over. She said "now who's embarrassing himself?" and walked away. Did I go to far by saying that? Do I owe her an apology? Update: I went in early this morning for a run and told the front desk staff about Andrea putting her foot on the weights. They said they would talk to her. Then, after work, I went in again for a regular workout. I was working on my legs when she walked up to my machine. The first thing she did was apologize about the weights. I don't know if someone talked to her or if that was of her own initiative. I accepted her apology and apologized for saying she was embarrassing herself. She said she forgave me, but if I wanted to really make it up to her I could buy her a drink and she would buy me one too to make up for the weights. I said maybe we should buy our own drinks (meaning separately at different places and times) and she misunderstood me and asked when and where. I told her I meant that I didn't want to go out with her. She said this wouldn't be a date but a reset for our friendship. I said I didn't want to be friends. She said I was being a douche and asked what my problem is. I said the weight incident made me uncomfortable, and I would rather us just give each other space. She then asked me if my problem with her is that she's Hispanic. I was so taken aback. I didn't even know she was until she said that. I said no, that she just makes me uncomfortable. She wanted me to explain what about her made me uncomfortable, and I tried to do so, but she argued with every point I made. I got frustrated and told her to just stay away from me. She said fine and that I have a lot of maturing to do. Then she walked away. I'm hoping that's the end of it. Relevant Comments OOP on why he doesn't want to get in a relationship OOP: She's just not my type. Even if she was, I don't want to get into a relationship right now. My last relationship lasted three years, and I need to remember how to be single before I hop right back into another relationship. Commenter 1: "Something might be wrong" what do you mean? OOP: I don't know how to explain it. I almost felt like she was having a completely different conversation with me than I was having with her. She seemed inappropriately enthusiastic. That's the best way I can think to say it. Downvoted Commenter: Dude, she just moved into the area, probably lonely and doesn't know anyone I'm guessing, did she ask you out on like a friend hang out type deal or was it a proper date? OOP: It was a date. She asked me if I wanted to get a drink with her sometime, and when I declined she said I don't need to worry about things being awkward at the gym if we "don't work out" romantically, and I had to decline a second time. Commenter 2: Good for you on taking a breather. NTA by the way. She either has severe mental health issues or hasn't been socialized properly. No "normal" person would ever put you in that position. I make every excuse I can when I'm not interested in someone, but when someone can't take a hint you do eventually have to disregard their feelings. I mean, think about it. She disregarded yours. OOP: That is a good way to think about it. I hadn't considered that part. Thank you. Commenter 3: I wouldn't go to the police RN because you've only just told her to leave you alone. But if gym management doesn't stop it then yeah I would go to the police. Harassment is harassment. If you were a girl and she was a guy who worked in security who also put their foot on your equipment people would be really concerned- rightly so. OOP: That's kind of a different situation. I have at least sixty pounds on her. It's not like she can follow me to my car and beat me up one night. What she did was dangerous and creepy, but what could she really do that's worse? Maybe drop a weight on my toe, but I can't think of anything else. It's not like she knows where I live.   Update: June 8, 2025 (six days later) Summary of previous post (skip this paragraph if you read that post): A woman at my gym, Andrea (fake name) asked me out after some normal not at all romantic interactions. I turned her down and shortly after I stated getting a weird vibe from her and started avoiding her. She confronted me about avoiding her twice, and the second time I said she was embarrassing herself, after which she put her foot on the weight stack of the machine I was using, causing me to let go of the bar really quickly and slam the weights. I initially thought I was the asshole for my rude comment, and most posters said I actually under reacted and should talk to gym management, which I did, after which Andrea confronted me again and asked me out again. I turned her down, we argued briefly and she said I needed to grow up. Actual Update: Andrea is banned from the gym! I was running on the treadmill and watching TV. She came up to talk to me, and I ignored her, staring at the TV. She raised her voice and I continued to ignore her. She reached out and pulled the safety tab out of the treadmill (the one you connect to your wrist so the treadmill stops if you fall), causing the treadmill to come to a sudden stop. I tripped and fell onto the controls and TV, scratching my chin on the top of the screen. I went to the front desk with Andrea following me. I told them what she did. She kept trying to interrupt me and talk over me, but the woman at the front desk told her to be quiet and wait her turn. I told her Andrea pulled out the safety tab while I was running and injured me. The woman at the front desk then asked Andrea what happened. Andrea said I was "staring into the middle distance" like I was in some kind of "fuage state" and she thought I was having a medical episode so she pulled the tab. The woman at the front desk asked for her membership card. Andrea didn't want to give it to her, but the woman at the front desk said if she didn't she would ban her. Andrea gave her the card and the woman at the front desk said to leave and she was suspended for a month. Andrea objected and got into an argument with the woman at the front desk that escalated into Andrea calling the woman an N word B word. So she was banned permanently. I hesitate to call that a happy ending because the poor gym employee had to put up with racial harassment, but I won't deny getting to watch her cut up Andrea's membership card felt good. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Still NTA. Andrea proved herself to be crazy, with a side of racist. OOP: And the irony is that SHE accused ME of being racist for not wanting to date her. Commenter 2: I’m guessing she doesn’t get told No very often. I’m glad it had a safe ending OOP: Thank you. I am too. Now that it's all over I'm starting to process it. The whole thing was so crazy. My heart rate is up higher than it ever gets when I run, which is nuts. Commenter 3: Hmm. If you see her again and she acts creepy it’s worthy of reporting to police. Just pay attention to your surroundings in case she stalks you OOP: She's banned from the gym, so I doubt I'll see her again. She doesn't know where I work or live. OOP on his race and Andrea's race OOP: She said she's Hispanic. I'm not going to tell you what race I am. Downvoted Commenter: Seriously, this is honestly your response. If so, you aren’t actually into women. You may not know it yet, but you aren’t. It’s a completely normal question for a person to ask is this crazed psycho who is trying to date you is Hot or not. Every straight male is thinking the exact same thing. OOP: I date women. I recently left a three year relationship with a woman, and she could tell you that I definitely like women. I just don't think women are defined solely by their appearance. I'll give you an example. I have this friend I grew up with. She is objectively very beautiful. Many men (and women) have told her so. While I can see that she is beautiful, the first thing I think when I see her is "that's my friend that I love dearly" not "that's an attractive woman that's probably good at sex." I have never been attracted to her because we treat each other like siblings. Conversely, in this situation, even if Andrea was my type (which she isn't) and I was looking to get into another relationship (which I'm not right now) it still wouldn't matter because her behavior towards me was so off-putting. She could look like Allyson Hannigan (an actress I think is particularly attractive) and it wouldn't matter because I don't date women that put people in physical danger when they're upset. Commenter 4: INFO: Are you okay from the injury? NTA, but just be careful. I’ve had jarring injuries while running from having to unexpectedly stop on a dime, and, while it felt okay at the time, it caused a stability-related injury next workout. OOP: I'm okay. It's just a scratch.   Update: Andrea the gym nut: June 12, 2025 (four days later) Sorry for the incomprehensible post. I posted this last night when I was drunk. I'll rewrite it to explain what happened. Last night I went to a bar near my apartment to meet up with some friends. The three of us were drinking and having a good time when Andrea walked up. I never saw her enter the bar. I only noticed her when she was in front of us. She greeted me and said it was good to see me and leaned in to try to kiss me. I pushed her away from me and she fell, but one of my friends caught her. She started yelling and asking what the fuck is wrong with me. I told her to stay away from me and not come any closer. She asked if I was embarrassed of her and didn't want my friends to see her. I said this is the third time you've tried to assault me and I want you to stay away from me. At that point the bouncer showed up to ask what was going on. Andrea said I pushed her. I tried to explain that she tried to kiss me and is stalking me, but I was drunk and not doing a great job. My friends also tried to explain that I was innocent, but they were also drunk. Security kicked me out of the bar. My friends walked me home. I am definitely going to try to get a restraining order. This has gone way too far. Top Comments Commenter 1: she is literally stalking you and it's going to just get worse. if she tries to follow you again PLEASE call the police. ask your gym for video footage of andrea purposely sabotaging your workouts, purposely trying to injure you and following you around. this situation is insane and escalating from following you around the gym to full on intruding into your personal life. does she have any of your social media? if so, definitely block her, as clearly she's starting to learn your patterns and outside hobbies. be safe!! Commenter 2: Might be a stretch but you should inform your workplace that you have a woman harassing you in retaliation for being rejected and banned from the gym after she escalated to violent and dangerous behaviour. If she found you in a bar (assuming it wasn’t a coincidence) then she can find out where you work and try to sabotage your job and reputation. And go to the police. Commenter 3: Now that it’s gone beyond the gym, you need to start the process of getting a restraining order. She’s unhinged as fuck, you need to get the law on your side. Go back to the bar on a different night and ask for the manager. Explain the situation and the context - make sure to mention that you’re in the process of taking out a restraining order against her for stalking and harassment. Try and clear your name, you were with friends and a woman walked in and immediately created a scene - but YOU were kicked out?? Nah I’d be fighting that, that’s some bullshit.   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/lurkandtaway85 Originally posted to r/relationship_advice My (38F) sister (34F) made up a dead brother to her spouse (35M) and in-laws (60’s M&F). I accidentally outed the lie, but why am I the bad guy here? Editor's note: made small edits for ease of readability Trigger Warnings: fabricated statements, possible mental health struggles Mood Spoilers: baffled Original Post (unddit): April 11, 2025 Usually a lurker, but something happened tonight that has me incredibly confused. Apologies in advance for the length. Backstory: I’m the eldest of 4 sisters. We’re stair stepped, 2 years apart. I’m Meg, 38, Jo is 36, Beth is 34, and Amy is 32. Our parents used to joke about how they kept trying for a boy but finally gave up after girl number 4. Not gonna lie, it hurt our feelings a little - especially Amy - but they stopped that and assured us they wouldn’t change anything. Every one us has at least 1 daughter. I am the only sister that has a son. At 17, he’s the eldest grandchild and I’m fairly certain he’s my dad’s favorite person in the world. They are best friends. It’s adorable. Ok now that you have the backstory/fam history, let’s talk about tonight. My son, who is VERY intelligent, and absolutely crushed high school, recently received his acceptance letter to a pretty prestigious university. Full ride. We are incredibly proud. My folks wanted to throw him a little congratulatory party, and tonight worked for all of our schedules (which is no small feat - 4 different families with 11 kids between them), so we all headed to the folks house for pizza and cake. At one point, Amy brought up that it is sibling appreciation day, and Mom said she wanted all of her girls to say what we appreciate about our sisters, and we go youngest to eldest - with most of the compliments going to me, as I was kind of a second mom to them. I told each of my sisters how much I loved them, among other things, and then finished my speech off saying something like “and I REALLY appreciate that we didn’t have any gross boys stinking up our house!” All of us but Beth and her husband laugh. Beth’s eyes got really big and her husband (Chase) looked at me like I was something he scraped off the bottom of his shoe. Suddenly, he says “that’s pretty f*cked up.” I said something like “Idk Chase, I’ve smelled you after your workouts - it’s pretty bad,” and he got even more mad and said “how could you talk about Tyler like that?” And Beth starts LOSING HER MIND, guys. She’s grabbing him by the arm and begging him to hush, saying they need to go home now, etc. So naturally I’m like “umm who is Tyler?” Well, friends. APPARENTLY Tyler is Beth’s twin that died during childbirth. And it made our folks and me so depressed that nobody is allowed to speak of him or reference him, EVER. Beth forbade him from ever mentioning to ANY family member. After Chase told us this, nobody said a word. It was so damn tense. Finally, I just kind of bluntly said, hi Mo “I’m not sure why, but Beth lied to you about this. I think you guys should talk about it, but I don’t want to hear anything else about this tonight, as we’re here to celebrate (my) son.” After that, Beth burst into tears and ran into her old bedroom, with Chase, Mom, and Jo following her. The party never fully recovered and they took off pretty shortly after that. I stayed behind to help clean, and so my dad and son could hang some more. While I’m doing the dishes, my mom scolded me pretty harshly about calling Beth a liar. IF THE BABY SHOE FITS, MOTHER. My dad said I wasn’t wrong, but I embarrassed Beth. What the hell was I supposed to do? I was getting chastised over a lie!! Absolutely not. Beth also texted me that I “f*cked her over,” and a text from Chase’s phone told me I was the actual liar sister and everyone knows that. Amy is on my side, but she and Beth always butted heads. Jo claims she’s neutral, but she also told me I “didn’t have to call her out like that.” What the hell else was I supposed to do? Just take the lashing? And why is everyone acting like me calling out, what I consider to be a pretty heavy lie, is worse than the lie itself? How do we resolve this situation? I love my sisters so damn much - they are my best friends - but this is so weird and so wrong to put on me. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I can’t imagine any other response. I really can’t. Were you seriously expected to lie along with her? I think that is shocking. OOP: I have NO idea what she was expecting??? I have “lied” for her before. But saying she’s at my house while she’s really getting boudoir photos done for him is not the same as lying about a whole person who never existed??? It’s beyond bizarre. Commenter 2: I'm kind of impressed that after all of that she managed to convince her husband that you were the liar. Of course, if he still believes her he's dumb as a brick. I'd think there is proof enough on her birth certificate as it will state she was a single birth. OOP: I will say, Chase is not a dummy, and he’s typically not malicious. And although nobody really backed me up about this being a lie (at least not in front of me), I think it’s pretty obvious that I was telling the truth, as everyone else was obviously confused and dead silent in the moment. I have not responded to the texts, as I’m not looking to burn bridges. I’ve made many mistakes, and my sisters have graciously forgiven me. I’m just,..flummoxed. And a little hurt. Commenter 3: This is very weird. I’m confused at why your parents aren’t embarrassed by your sister’s behavior. Especially trying to keep up the lie afterwards and saying you’re lying. Is she mentally ok? Does she have a history of lying? OOP: We all lied as kids, but I assumed she grew out of it as an adult. We also all exhibited some attention seeking behavior, but again, age appropriate, especially for a family with 4 kids and 2 parents who worked full time. My parents are hippies and very much “live and let live,” kinda vibe. But this feels… icky to me. So I’m a little surprised they’re not more upset about it? Then again, they never “punished” us in front of each other, so they could be dealing with, or planning to deal with the situation behind the scenes. Either way, Beth is WAY too old to be making up dead sibling stories. Commenter 4: Your sister dug herself a weird hole, is now mad she has to dig her way out of it, and is placing that anger on you for accidentally handing her the shovel. If she wants to blame anyone for being caught in a lie she can look in the mirror. How do you fix it? Your sister has to pull her head out of her ass and apologize for putting you all in that position, and then you can think about apologizing for being “blunt” about it. (But tbh, I don’t feel you did anything wrong exactly here. You had no idea what was going on, why you were being accused of being a bad person, and literally just wanted the focus back on your son’s achievements. It’s not like you accidentally spilled a secret you were supposed to keep. Your sister created this entire mess and should probably explain to you guys why she did it) OOP: I appreciate your input and kind words! I don’t like drama, so I find it best to just kinda stop it in its tracks. And my son…we recently got an autism diagnosis (what was formerly referred to as Asperger’s), and it’s messed with his head a little. He’s always been so bad socially, and really struggled making friends. As a result, his cousins got the bulk of the attention. He was really proud of himself and I wanted him to remember this little get together because it was all about HIM for once. Commenter 5: Your sister is a freak weirdo. Making up a dead twin for what? Sympathy? Attention? She fucked up and everyone knows it. Why anyone would want to cover up her lie is beyond me. She made her bed. Let her deal with the repercussions of this outrageous lie. Question though. Did or have your parents tried to set the record straight with her idiot hubby or are they staying silent about this alleged twin baby that never existed? OOP: When I told Chase she was lying, nobody backed me up, but I believe it was kind of obvious bc nobody refuted my claims. That coupled with Beth frantically trying to get her husband to leave…Chase is smart. He can put 2&2 together. I mentioned in another comment that our parents never punished us (nor really got onto us) in front of each other. So I would like to think they’re handling things on that end behind the scenes, and trying to appeal to my dislike of drama and empathy to get me to forgive her. I don’t find the lie unforgivable. I think it’s bizarre and I don’t appreciate it, but I don’t think our relationship is over. I love her. I took her on her first date (took her and a boy to get ice cream and they held hands - we lied to our parents about that one). I helped take care of her when she was postpartum bc Chase had to work. She’s got my heart, ya know? Commenter 6: Just to be clear you do recognize this level of lie as a mental health disorder correct? While I am not a therapist this very much sounds like some strain of Munchhausens. Again not a therapist just therapy adjacent in training and work so I have some familiarity, so get her some professional help. This isn’t just a cry for help, this is a sign of a broken brain that requires professional help and maybe even medical interventions. OOP: I work in healthcare, albeit not directly in the mental health field, but I am a little familiar with various disorders. I actually do think she’s a hypochondriac. One of my nieces is ALWAYS coming down with something (they are not), or my sister definitely has Crohn’s disease (she doesn’t). She won’t drink milk if it’s within 3 days of the Best Buy date. Refuses bread pudding bc you use “old bread” to make them. Won’t eat brownies I baked from scratch the day before bc they’re old… So I know she’s got some issues. But hey, WE ALL HAVE ISSUES. I’m pretty emotionally closed off except to my spouse and children. Some people think that makes me a b-. I try not to be too judgmental bc I’m definitely not perfect, but I’m judging the f out of this.   Update: April 12, 2025 (next day) Ok, I think we have some answers re: the events that occurred last night. I do want to tell everyone who took time to give advice or kind words, thank you. I honestly couldn’t read everything - I was (and am) exhausted. But I did get an idea of how I wanted to approach everything, thanks to the advice given. My post says it was removed, and I’m unsure why, so hopefully this one will stay. I’ll get to the update in a few. I just wanted to answer some FAQ/comments real quick: 1 - this is fake! I WISH IT WAS. I really wish my mind worked in a way where I could make things up like this. Alas, my imagination is lacking. 2 - your parents named you after Little Women? This is probably partially to blame for the “fake” comments. These are just placeholder names I used, as there are 4 sisters in that novel. My parents are hippies, and gave us some pretty noticeable names. If I used our real ones, on the off chance any of our friends read this, they’d know immediately this was our family. 3 - Beth is continuing to lie and Chase is believing it and your mom and Jo threw you under the bus too! Re: Chase, I think he knew I was being truthful. Also, I said the text came from his phone. I was actually thinking Beth sent it, as that’s not Chase’s vibe. About mom & Jo - they didn’t throw me under the bus. But I’ll go into more detail soon. 4 - Is it possible my mom had twins and I just forgot or didn’t know about the death? Absolutely not. I was at all of my sisters births. I don’t remember Jo’s, but I do remember Beth & Amy’s, and there were no multiples, no deaths, no funerals, no depression. 5 - The birth certificate will prove it! It sure would, yes. But I’m not about to try to strong arm my sister into showing her husband her birth certificate. 6 - Your sister is mentally ill, also the golden child, and you’re the scapegoat. I’m not about to say my sister is sick, but I do think she has some issues - as we all do. There’s no golden child and scapegoat in this family. My parents were and are really good about treating all of us fairly and equally. 7 - You could have/should have been more tactful/pulled her aside/not called her a liar. Had I known that “Tyler” was my dead brother, I never would’ve asked who he was. Chase and I tease each other a lot, and I honestly thought he was about to come out with some kind of funny joke, alá “deez nuts.” Re: my lack of tact? Idk, I think it’s pretty lacking in tact to make up a whole dead sibling. And really, facts are facts. She lied, and that’s that. The night was about my son, so I squashed the issue and chose to move forward, hoping to end the conversation with as little drama as possible. Ok so now up to the update: After a night of barely sleeping and my blood pressure dangerously high, I called my mom this morning fully ready to let out an emotionally charged tirade about how I feel they unfairly threw me under the bus and took Beth’s side when she OBJECTIVELY did the worse thing My mom answered the phone apologizing and asked me to just listen. When she and Jo followed Beth & Chase to Beth’s room, Mom did tell Chase that Tyler was not real, and this is an issue between her and Chase, and they should probably leave, because she didn’t want the evening ruined. She did “get onto me,” but it was mostly out of sympathy and empathy for Beth, and she recognized it wasn’t ok. She apologized for that. She spoke with Chase this morning, and Beth (who is the one who sent me the text from Chase’s phone) finally came clean early this morning, after HOURS of denying the lie. Something I didn’t mention, as I didn’t feel it was pertinent to the story, is Beth’s eldest daughter (Madison) isn’t Chase’s biological daughter. He’s been around since Madison was 2. Also kind of pertinent, is that Chase is a first responder. He loves to be a hero. And he’s very good in that role. He met Beth doing victims advocacy. And as such, I believe they both view him as “saving,” Beth. This has a long been speculated, but it’s not exactly our place to say anything. And we all love Chase. He is an amazing person. And Beth is no dummy. She picked up on Chase’s hero complex immediately. It appears that, in an effort to make herself look more….sympathetic? Vulnerable? Broken? She lied about having a twin brother that died in childbirth. I guess being in an abusive relationship and having a small child just wasn’t enough?? She did not have to do that. They’ve been together 10 years now, and not once did she come clean. To me that proves a clear pattern of deceit and manipulation. However, I’m not going to speculate on her mental health problems or reasonings for not coming clean. That is for her and her husband to deal with. Neither one of them have called or texted me to apologize, and I’m honestly unsure if they will. Beth is more of the rug sweeping type, while I’m a confront issues head on type. I will not be cutting my sister off for this, though. I love her, and at the end of the day I just want her to be happy and healthy. I do hope that this whole issue will cause her to rethink some of her life choices and maybe she can get some therapy. I think we could all use therapy, tbh. That’s where we are right now. My mom did not offer any information about how Beth and Chase are doing, and I did not ask. It’s not my business. I have not heard from Jo, but Amy and I have been texting all morning and she is being my best good friend right now and providing a lot of support. Hopefully we can all move forward and grow together in the future. Thanks again for the support you all have sent my way. Top Comments Commenter 1: I am glad your mother apologized, but your sister really owes you - and the entire family - an apology. This was a really selfish and weird thing to do. She also owes Chase and his family an apology. I hope she gets some help for this. Good luck. Commenter 2: Your sister could probably benefit from therapy. I will never understand why people think it’s a good idea to lie about something so easily disproven. Don’t lie about anything and you won’t have situations blow up like this. I hope she comes to her senses and apologizes to you. Commenter 3: I think your family needs to do a sit down with your sister because this isn't normal behavior at all. She lied for 10 YEARS ABOUT A DEAD BROTHER! Y'all need to call this behavior out since she's wayyyy too old to be acting like this. And doing nothing is showing her that you guys will accept similar or the same type of behavior in the future. Commenter 4: Welp this is why she continues to do this nonsense at her big ass age. No one holds her accountable. You can’t move forward and grow together if people don’t take accountability. Your entire family enables her in the worst way   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not the Original Poster. OOP is u/SadWife148 and they posted on r/AITAH They have since deleted their account Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. This sub has a 7-day waiting period so the latest update is at least 7 days old. Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the post recommendation Editor's Note: mild editing for readability Trigger Warning: misogyny AITAH for telling husband it was his choice to open our marriage and I am not closing it. December 12, 2024 I 40f married my husband 42 m 18 years back. We have one daughter 16 f and son 14 m. We met in college and felt in love. My husband lost his parents in accident and as friend I consoled him and we became close. We are from same city and he lived around ten kms from my house. So we just clicked. Our marriage has our own share of ups and downs but financially we are in good place. I own a house gifted by my parents and he inherited his parents house after their passing away. I run my own bridal boutique and make good money. He is insurance head. We have bought multiple properties and build our future together and for our children. We also have created mutuals will, in case one parent has to pass away, his or her share of assets will go to our children only, irrespective of living parent marrying again or not. Last year my husband started distancing and I was worried. He started ignoring me, stopped getting physical etc. In end he told me, he find me fat, ugly and he doesn't get a turn on. I was so busy in raising kids and my business that i stopped caring about it. He said he doesn't wanna destroy the family but he wants to have sex outside marriage. He said he wont be hypocrite and I can do same. I cried and begged but he didn't listen. After weeks of crying and self pity. I accepted this proposal. I also started working out and guys in gym started hitting on me. I have had my share of hookups and fun. But finally I am getting along with a man who is 35. He treats me on dates and sex is good. I also changed my dressing from traditional to more western and sexy and have lost weight. I have nice curves too. My husband luckily or sadly didn't have such luck. He is tall and all, but he overrated his chances. He got hookups here n there. But barely they repeated him. He thought he can woo girls with money. But girls today are independent and can't be wooed with money only. I was going on dates when my kids were at my parents and he was pissed. He said not to go. I didn't care and went. Now he is saying he wanna close this marriage and I just laughed at him. I told this is the arrangement he wanted and I am honouring it. I am enjoying the attention these hunks give me and it's not my fault women don't want him. He started calling me names and I called him a manwhor*. He is threatening divorce and i am fine with it because our laws favour woman more. I pointed that to him. He started crying and begging to close the marriage again. But I am refusing. Edit - 35 m is in divorce process and our country take years to have divorce if wife isn't consenting. We are taking it slow. But he is amazing man Aitah? Edit - our children have no idea and we are involved parents. Stop stressing about them. Also planning to get divorce when both are in college. Ps who think it's fake. u can believe what u want to. I don't have to prove anything here. I am here for judgement Edit. I had to add people who r blaming me for staying fat. Despite both working, my evenings went to teaching kids and taking care of household. He thought its woman's job to do so. He was only fun dad. In the mornings I had to prepare breakfast for all. I had house help for cleaning and dishes, but I barely had time to workout. Now I have hired cook and kids who can take care of themselves. It gives me free time to work on myself. If he wanted a model, he could've reduced his tummy and his daily sports and helped me as well, thank you Edit men in comment section victimizing my husband. Expected. Keep barking 😵 Relevant Comments: zonked282: Has there ever been a guy who requested to open up the marriage who wasn't vastly over estimating his chances with women 😂 DiaryOfACanadian: Oof. NTA. It’s not really opening the marriage if you didn’t want, he just really wanted to cheat on you without consequences. I get the feeling that even if you didn’t agree he’d still shoot his shot with other women. But I’d go ahead and get that divorce, he doesn’t respect your opinion or care about hurting you. NTA. Move on with someone that treats you like a person. YouMightBeARacist: ESH. He’s a douche bag, but it sucks that you only took care of your body once you wanted to attract other men. It’s sucks that he called you ugly, but you did something about it not to gain his attention back but to gain others. And for that, you’re all assholes. Poor kids. Update December 15, 2024 Well I realized there is no point in petty revenge. As kids were at my parents house. We discussed plans and I told him I have no love n respect for him left. Nor i find him attractive anymore. I told him if he wanna make a tough divorce process, he will lose more as our laws are very tough on men. So let's make an easy divorce with fair division of properties where I contributed more anyways. There were tears and begging, but I stood firm and asked for a divorce. I showed him proof and said if he ever tried to shame me in front of kids, I had his visual and text proofs with me too. So we called a truce. Next day we involved our lawyers ( neighbours family friends ) and draw up our property and fund division verbally. It was quite clear. The martial house is mine. He is moving to his inherited house few kms away. We have acquired multiple properties and we will divide them on value. The savings will be divided. And we have our retirement plans. He also blurted out that he has a young widow gf. I said good luck and happy life. We told our kids that we love them. But we r going to divorce. Ofc they were devastated. But we assured them that we r here for them forever and will co parent. They are still upset and we will hire a therapist to make process smoother for them. Also my fwb divorce process is going and I told him about mine. He said to get serious about our relationship. I don't know if it's love or not, but I like him and we are gonna take it slow. I want my kids to be 18 before i marry again. Note he was already in divorce process for years, even before we started hanging out. So nope I am not a home wrecker. Ps. To all crybaby men who were crying for my husband and asking me why I didn't loose weight. Wakeup 5 am in morning, do the chores for lazy man and kids, then go to work, come evening do chores again till night and then tell me about working out. You just couldn't handle a woman giving same dose of medicine to a man. And blamed me more and gave him very less blame. This shows your double standards. I only became fat birthing his children. Birth do things to ur body. What about his hairy tummy? Without birthing or any medical issues? I hired a cook from my personal fun money since he didn't wanna contribute for it. That's why I didn't hire her earlier as it was causing issues to our budget. I took the hit after he called me fat and ugly. I hope your fathers and sons do same to their wives and then u can lecture me. So if you live in 1950 where wife should look sexy, do chores, birth your kids and be available as maid. Then you are as pathetic. So fuck you--you are male chauvinist pigs! And anyone who think it is fake. I don't owe u anything anyways Edit and someone said my English is genz. Guess what--It's not my first language and we used whtsapp outside America we like such abbreviations. Shocking? Age isn't a factor here. I'm a business shop owner. My dealings are in local language. I studied in Hindi medium school and English is self learnt. It must be shocking for westerners to realize world doesn't need to learn everything aspect of English. Also deleting my account. For men and pigs: Keep seething N cope in my comment section. Women can make u cry in ur game if they want. We don't because we value our family and kids. But try them and hurt them. They can best u at ur own game. Decided not to delete I'd. Trash racist western men r crying in my comment section. Their tears give me joy. Keep 😭 Relevant Comments: JAndroo: I'm a man and I have literally zero respect for men who complain about fat women or a fat partner while being a fat lazy POS themselves lol. They complain like "why don't women like gamers or men who play with legos" my guy there are men with loving partners who do that. It's the fact you have a double standard of putting all your time into your hobbies while being out of shape while expecting a partner who is in shape. PerfectionPending: I’ll never understand men that don’t comprehend the gap in ability to find casual sex partners between men & women. If his wife is a female 6-7 then he needs to be a male 10 to get the same play on the casual sex market. And to jump to wanting to step out of the marriage rather than saying, “hey babe, let’s work on getting healthier and in shape together” is just a sign you don’t deserve that person. teachatthebeach: As someone who was in a number of swinger and poly groups, I was constantly amazed at the contrast between women second guessing themselves and their sad self-esteem (and I mean, there was no difference between women who were conventionally unattractive and women who were stunning), and the unbelievable confidence every cishet dude walked in with, positive that pussy was about to rain down upon him. It was hilarious to me every single time that the women got so much more attention and he would just be sitting there, alone and confused, with his sad dick out. Every. Single. Time. Editor's Note: As OOP alludes to, some people believed this was fake. Looking at OOP's other posts (prior to her deleting the account) she was consistent in language and tone, but whether the story and events are true, I'll leave that judgement to you. FortuneTellingBoobs: Congrats on losing about 180lbs in one day! Best wishes to your kids and to you in your new life. Your ex is probably trying to make you jealous talking about his young gf. Don't even pay it any mind. The best revenge is living well, and you're doing it! ItalianIce603: Fake. You called lawyers and got them together the next day?? 😂 hpff_robot: Magical three days before update. Creative writing is fun when people take the rage bait. Reminder: I am not OOP. Do NOT comment on Original Posts. No Brigading! See Rule 7. submitted by /u/swtogirl to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Came across this from another source and decided it was worth revisiting a classic BORU. Flairing this as a repost since that's its primary designation, but its also an external post. This was first posted to BORU here by u/Strider_A and then updated by u/ParadoxicalState to BORU here. I've decided to keep the title of the original letter on AAM because it might help find it on searches in the future. I am NOT OP. Original post on AskAManager trigger warnings: medical trauma, body shaming, hostile workplace HR won’t do anything about a coworker who’s angry about my weight loss - FEBRUARY 8, 2023 I just came back to work after a month-long emergency medical leave. The tl:dr is that after a decade of medical gaslighting, a new doctor ordered an emergency MRI during a routine visit and discovered a mass in my abdomen. I was rushed into surgery within 24 hours. I ended up having an 18-pound benign tumor pressing on my vital organs and I was about a week away from multiple organ failure. I’m lucky to be alive and time will tell if I have any lasting organ damage but right now everything is fine. Mentally I’m struggling with a few things but the only outwardly noticeable impact is that I’ve gone from a size 20 to a size 8. Nobody on my medical team anticipated a change this drastic but I’m healthy and lucky. I was expecting to get a lot of questions from my coworkers because curiosity exists. I had a basic “emergency surgery but I’m fine now” answer that almost everyone accepted but one coworker who I hardly speak to, Aubrey. On my first day back to work, Aubrey came up to me and said, “I wish you had come to me to lose the weight instead of resorting to such drastic measures. You’re going to gain it all back, you know. I’ll be waiting.” I was aware of Aubrey’s reputation, but since we never work together I didn’t think it would be an issue. She’s one of those people who think they’re a fitness expert and calls herself a “health coach” (nothing to do with the company we work for). She has a reputation for giving out unsolicited and incorrect “health advice” and is always commenting on people’s food choices. I was speechless when she asked why I “opted to get butchered instead of putting in the hard work to lose the weight.” There’s nothing wrong with someone choosing surgical weight loss options, but that’s not what happened to me and I really resented her aggressive attitude/spreading rumors. During my second week back, she came by my office at the end of the day in athletic gear offering to go with me if I was “too afraid to go to the gym alone.” At the time I wasn’t even cleared to lift my kid, do laundry, or climb a flight of stairs, let alone go to the gym with this crackpot. I don’t remember what I said to her, but she left saying I’d gain the weight back because I’m lazy. The next day Aubrey ranted angrily about me in a meeting I wasn’t in (missed it for a follow-up, ironically). I don’t know everything that was said, but the gist was that if I can’t dedicate myself to weight loss, I obviously can’t see my work obligations through. HR called for a red flag mediation. At our company, mediation can go against your bonus opportunities for the year. I have no idea why I’m in mediation when she’s the one being an asshat. At the mediation, Aubrey stated that she was triggered by my “new body” and I should have “thought of other people’s feelings and warned” her before my surgery. I hardly had time to warn my husband and get my kid out of daycare. I don’t owe Aubrey anything. I have empathy that she’s obviously struggling, but that does not excuse her behavior. HR said that while they can’t ask me to explain my medical history, it might clear the air if I told her what kind of surgery I had and why. I said I wasn’t obligated to share my medical information with anyone and that Aubrey having bad coping skills doesn’t entitle her to a coworker’s personal health information. Their response was kind of “well, then we can’t stop her from bullying you.” After Thanksgiving, my doctor helped me put in ADA accommodation paperwork so I could work from home. I was having some mild complications from surgery but also to avoid Aubrey. This company hates remote work so they’re REALLY not happy. Aubrey still emails me workout videos and diet plans and when I forward them to HR their response is, “Noted. Do you know when you’re coming back to the office?” I’ve been thinking about escalating this to corporate with an employment lawyer. Is that overkill? I’m still in a sensitive place after my surgery and I have no energy for this, especially since Aubrey is fixated on weight loss which was the primary way doctors gaslit me for years. I’ve been with this company for five years and I’m just exhausted and disappointed in how they’re handling this and I want it over yesterday. UPDATE 2 - APRIL 17, 2023 All I have to say for this update is hold on to your bananapants. I saw a lot of comments asking where management was in all this, so I’ll address that first. My boss, “George,” was getting ready to retire while this was going on. George is roughly my grandfather’s age, so this entire situation bewildered both him and his replacement, who he was training at the time. Both of them met with Aubrey’s boss, because believe me I was documenting everything she did from the jump, and they all assured me that Aubrey would be dealt with. None of them recommended the red flag mediation, that was HR’s idea. I was given details of the meeting where Aubrey ranted about me and it was horrible, but apparently Aubrey was asked to leave by her own boss while several other employees told her to stop, so managerially and in the office in general, people were trying to rein her in from many different angles. HR is where the ball dropped and dropped hard. This company just has a poor HR structure and bad entry to mid-level HR. When Aubrey’s boss referred her to HR regarding her negative behavior, HR took it upon themselves to consider it a mediation situation (which, remember, at our company can go against your bonus for the year) despite communication from George, his replacement, and Aubrey’s boss saying I wasn’t in the wrong. When George found out about this, he spoke to the HR generalists’ manager, who said that my “absence probably caused a lot of strain and extra work for Aubrey” when Aubrey’s not even credentialed to do what I do. Management made a point to tell me how baffled and upset they were with HR’s handling of the situation every time something came up. My company mentor was also a huge support during this time until she decided to take another job elsewhere. When my doctor extended my ADA work-from-home accommodation a second time, HR responded by telling me my attendance was a “concern.” I emailed their boss’s boss, the HR director, and asked for clarification. He said I hadn’t come in to the office so of course my attendance was a problem, I reiterated I had medical documentation stating that if WFH wasn’t available then they could refer to the FMLA documentation my medical team also sent. He replied that medical documentation, including both FMLA and ADA reasonable accommodations, “doesn’t hold much weight” with the company. That’s when I got a lawyer. Aubrey as a problem kind of drifted to the background when HR started their “medical documentation doesn’t matter” campaign. On my lawyer’s recommendation, I contacted the HR executive team, which is where this whole cursed situation came to light. (And I did check with my lawyer about emailing this update and they laughed and said I couldn’t leave people hanging after all that.) I called the chief HR officer (which for my company is going over like five people’s heads, but I did it with George’s and my new boss’s blessings), who is the head of HR, and asked why my attendance was an issue when I had reasonable ADA documentation. She had no idea what I was talking about so I filled her in on all of it — including the mediation meeting and Aubrey’s harassment and the HR director (her direct report) saying medical documentation didn’t hold any weight with the company. She was speechless and asked to meet with me and my lawyer as soon as possible. My lawyer hardly had to do anything during the meeting because the CHRO was horrified at everything I told her. I’ve never actually seen steam come out of someone’s ears, but if it was physically possible it would have happened here. My lawyer didn’t need to say a word but just nodded and smiled when the CHRO offered an extended paid medical leave so I could handle my recovery and said Aubrey constantly sending me fitness plans would be “dealt with swiftly.” I didn’t hear anything out of Aubrey for a long time but I did hear through some gossip channels that the HR staff involved in the red flag meeting/threatening to write me up were let go. Aubrey wasn’t fired because they believed she was misled by HR, so I understand that part even if I don’t agree with it, but she was on a tight PIP for a while. Then she showed up at my house. Now we move from bananapants to full-on banana ensemble. I’m still on leave and out of the blue, Aubrey showed up at my door on a weekend with two other women in tow and the commenters guessed it: she’s in very deep with an MLM (or maybe a cult, I can’t be sure at this point). Aubrey came over to “demonstrate” some workout techniques and give me some diet “supplement” samples and discuss a “career opportunity” because she was worried about my “physical and professional health.” She didn’t make it past my mother-in-law, who has been a godsend right now. My mother-in-law made it clear where Aubrey could stick her demonstration and they left in a hurry. I notified my lawyer and the CHRO and suffice it to say, Aubrey is now a full-time “wellness coach.” I’m happy I went with my gut and got a lawyer because the company has changed so drastically over the last year with the toxic HR department encouraging behavior like Aubrey’s and spreading false information about medical leave and time off, the company is almost unrecognizable. Also with my boss and mentor both gone, I don’t know if I’m going to go back once I’m medically cleared. The company is also undergoing a restructuring right now and my department may end up distributed between other parts of the company or even other parts of the state. I have been looking at jobs and doing some resume drafting for a full-time remote position since it feels like it might be a better fit. But many thanks to the comment section and all the support! FINAL UPDATE - JUNE 12, 2023 I got an offer from a local company that’s going fully remote with administration and management meeting up once a month. The salary was right, it’s 90% remote, it’s a good fit, so I’m happy with it. My role is HR adjacent as head of payroll. I report to the COO and was hired by the CEO and COO. I walk in to our first admin meeting and who is sitting across from me but the HR Director who told me medical documentation doesn’t matter and orchestrated my red-flag meeting, let’s call him “Bob.” Bob is the interim HR director for this company. Bob looked very uncomfortable when he saw me. We went through some employee files, including several who are on maternity leave and two who were injured on a job site. Bob got quieter as we began reviewing medical documentation and approving paid leave. I smiled and looked him in the eye every time I asked, “And does Jill have her medical documentation? Great! Medical documentation holds a lot of weight. That’s important stuff to have.” He looked like he wanted to melt into his seat. At one point he tried to argue against someone using their PTO to provide end of life care for a parent when they had ample PTO. I smiled and said, “You’re right, our employee support fund should cover half this time. It’s a shame for them to have to lose all their PTO when they’re obviously going to need it to heal and grieve over the next few months. Why don’t you get me the paperwork for the support fund this afternoon? That’s so generous.” Everyone was happy and in agreement. He looked like he swallowed a lemon but everyone was like “OMG Bob how thoughtful.” He had to eat it so bad and got me the documentation an hour later. Bob can suck it. Bob is also only a contractor so he’ll be moving on soon anyway. Medically I’m doing better, and very happy to move on from where I was. Aubrey’s been full-on radio silence which is perfect for me. Thanks AAM team and commenters! submitted by /u/boringhistoryfan to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Other_Salt3889 My wife is addicted to the gym and it’s ruining our marriage Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest & r/survivinginfidelity BoRU 1 BoRU 2 BoRU 3 BoRU 4 BoRU 5 Editor's Note: Due to the updates being large, detailed tldr's have been made to the first 7 posts to give a summary of them. If you would like the full posts, please see the previous BoRU Thank you to the amazing u/JebWynch for the tldr's Thanks to u/Small-Bodybuilder160 for letting me know this updated TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity, physical violence, anger management issues Original Post Feb 1, 2024 OP’s Wife (30f) has always been fit but has been increasingly passionate about working out over the last 1.5 years, returning to a gym she had previously left due to her busy schedule. the gym slowly started taking over her schedule- both weekend days, and every weekday pre- and post-work. going to the gym becomes the solution for any stress, fights, crisis- everything is Gym to the point where if Wife misses a “session” it affects her mood negatively, as OP says, “like a junkie not getting her fix”. As Wife is now 4mo pregnant, OP expresses concern over the intensity of her workouts and also that he simply misses her, given all her time is now taken up by Gym. they can’t workout together, because Gym is “her time”. She won’t work out at his gym, either. Gym becomes a form of escapism from real life, a compulsion, essentially- and no problems Wife is running away from ever really get solved because Gym is simply not the solution Wife seems to think it is. Gym has become so prevalent that family members, friends start making comments on how much time Wife and Gym spend together. Update Feb 11, 2024 OP shares that he had originally laughed over comments on his post that speculated about infidelity, but quickly came to discover they were correct. Wife has been sleeping with Guy From Gym, who she had mentioned to OP countless times as a “gym friend”. There is confrontation- OP breaks Wife’s phone, Wife hits OP. OP leaves for a short period of time and returns to Wife, who, though remorseful, will not admit to exactly what infidelities she’s committed. Update 1 ends with OP feeling guilt for his rage, left with 0 answers as to exactly what’s going on with Wife. Update 2 - My wife admitted to an affair Feb 12, 2024 aaaaaaaand Wife admits to an affair. She “felt bad” about it, but not bad enough to not sleep with Guy From Gym pretty quickly. She might even be in love with him, she doesn’t know (or won’t say). And oh, there’s a chance the child she’s currently pregnant with might not be OP’s. She’ll get a paternity test though! Stellar work, Wife. My wife is moving in with her AP, they’re “in love” Feb 22, 2024 Guy From Gym and Wife (who will still be referred to as Wife….. for now……) are moving in together. She’s not getting the paternity test. OP expresses sadness for her- that she just cant be alone, or seem to work through her mess on her own. Wife had been with OP since she was 20, and OP theorizes she is codependent. Guy From Gym allegedly doesn’t care if the baby isn’t his, he’s happy to play house with OP’s Wife. My wife has agreed to a paternity test Feb 29, 2024 Shocker, Guy From Gym wants a paternity test so a paternity test they will get! In follow up comments, OP reveals the results say he is in fact the father. And update on my wife’s affair and pregnancy March 15, 2024 OP is now conflicted. He has gone from excited to be a father, to not being sure he’s going to be a father at all, to now knowing he will be the father of a child born into the disaster that Wife has created. There is a small but non physical confrontation between OP and Guy From Gym when Wife brings him to OP’s house to gather things she needs, and OP tells Guy From Gym to leave or he’s gonna punch him. OP and Wife have private words upstairs, Wife is just sooooo in love with Guy From Gym, she can’t help it! Predictably, confrontation becomes physical when OP returns to his living room to see Guy From Gym still standing there despite the warning, and so OP follows through and cold clocks him. Update 5 closes with OP and Wife still legally married, but Wife dedicated to living with and loving Guy From Gym. Another installment of the implosion which is my marriage Apr 10, 2024 OP’s Wife(?) is still pergananté, 26 weeks. OP and Wife have agreed that he will be the one in the delivery room when the baby is born, and Guy From Gym will not be present. Guy from Gym has a big problem with this, of course, because having an affair with and housing another man’s pregnant wife simply would not be enough. OP prepares to sell the marital house and split the profit. He gets to keep their dog, thank god. Wife’s sister shares with OP that Wife is already complaining about Guy From Gym, that he’s selfish, hangs out away from home too much, etc……birds of a feather and whatnot. OP ends the update expressing that he is at least happy his (Soon-To-Be-Ex) Wife is miserable. I’m still alive May 19, 2024 I’m still alive. I’m mainly posting here because several people have reached out to me and were concerned that I’d taken my own life. No, I’m not on the brink of ending my life. I think I’m doing better than I have since all of this started. Around the time of my last post, my story blew up and I was getting messages from people who saw it on TikTok and YouTube. I had to take a step back because it was a little overwhelming. I have over 100 unread messages here. I appreciate it but it was a little uncomfortable at the time, and I got to the point where I didn’t really want to talk about the situation with my wife and her AP anymore. So as of today, our baby is due in less than 10 weeks. We’re in the home stretch now. I don’t feel prepared at all. All of this other stuff has just been so distracting. I started working on a nursery. It’s not done yet, but I have the floor finished and the walls painted. My ex-wife was impressed with the color scheme and furniture I chose. She’s not legally my ex-wife yet but I’ve started calling her that. It sort of makes it easier. I also packed up a bunch of her stuff. Originally I refused to spend my time packing up her things, but eventually just said screw it and started packing it. I’m at the point where it’ll just be easier to not see all of her stuff around here. Why did I leave it for so long? She came over to get some of the boxes I packed up. She came alone. Things were fine between us. I loaded the stuff into her car. We didn’t argue. At one point she started to tear up and said she fucked up. I said yeah she did, but there’s no point talking about it now. She shit all over our marriage. She has her muscle bound asshole to go home to now anyway so who cares. She said “I know, but it’s not the same.” I told her nothing has been the same since she decided to fuck him the first time. Supposedly he’s going to “let” me be in the delivery room when my baby is born. I didn’t even argue it when she said it like that, but inside I was boiling at the idea of him letting me be there for the birth of my child. She says she talked to him and he agreed it wouldn’t really be right to not allow me to be there. I’m going to take what I can get if it means being there for the birth of my child. I’m going to try to just ignore him for the time being. She was acting all sweet and laying on all of the “I really want you there. I really need you there” stuff and I know mentally I’m not in a place to be that cold to her when she starts acting that way. I’m trying to be indifferent more than anything else but it’s so hard when she’s actually around and starts looking at me a certain way and making me feel bad. She invited me over to see the nursery they have set up at his house. I’m not sure I can bring myself to go into another man’s house and look at the nursery set up for my kid. I did ask her if she was truly safe there though. I don’t know why, it’s just been bothering me. As pissed as I still am, I don’t want to find out he’s mistreating her and I definitely don’t want my kid to be going into an unsafe household. I haven’t told her about anything her sister has told me. They probably won’t last but as of right now there’s a very good chance my newborn baby will be going home to his house. It kills me to think about. It’s almost soul destroying to think about if I dwell on it too long. She says she’s fine. He genuinely loves her. He’s great with kids. He accepts that she’s having a baby and that this is part of the package. She insists it’s not weird because she wasn’t pregnant when anything started between them. I asked her why she did it…why did she ever let anything start between them in the first place. She said “I don’t know.” Then went into “I don’t want to talk about this” mode and left pretty soon after. Typical behavior from her - just run away. Overall I’m doing ok. I’m not sitting here depressed and drinking a bottle of scotch every night anymore. I mean on occasion, but for the most part no. I feel more used to my new normal now, and that’ll all change yet again pretty soon. ADDITIONAL INFO There is a draft of a custody plan now, but the court won’t approve anything until after the baby is born. Right now she’s in agreement but there’s plenty of time for her to change her mind (or for him to convince her to change her mind). She plans to breastfeed, but with agreement that she’ll pump and the baby can drink from a bottle when not with mom. Everything I’ve read says a baby ideally needs to spend time with each parent frequently, without gaps that are too long in between, and it’s best if each parent is feeding, changing, bathing, etc. during their time. At this time she’s in agreement with all of this. I can say that she’s not said or done anything to indicate she wants to restrict my time with the baby, other than the whole delivery room thing. She seems to want me to be involved in that respect. I hope she sticks to her word. If not, I will be fighting it through legal means. I’m a dad July 2, 2024 I have a baby. A little girl. I’m a dad. She was born yesterday at 11:57 pm, 2 weeks early. As he’s done before, she was having some pains off and on and he left for work yesterday morning. She works from home on Mondays. She told me around 8:30 am she was having contractions 17 minutes apart. The same thing happened not long ago but then by evening all the pains stopped. I was at work so I told her to keep me posted. A little later she said they were 15 minutes apart and she had some other signs it might be actual labor starting. I asked her if she needed somebody there with her. She said wanted me to come be with her. I didn’t even mean to volunteer myself. She was scared. I didn’t even ask why she didn’t call him. I left work and went over to his house. Uncomfortable doesn’t begin to describe it but there were obviously more important things going on. He wasn’t there. She didn’t even contact him. She said she just wanted it to be me and her there. In her words, he hadn’t seen her pee or shit herself yet but I’ve witnessed all of that stuff already so she was more comfortable with me there. I really tried to be as nice and supportive as possible. Set the whole thing about her affair, our marriage, everything to the side for a brief time. I don’t really know what my purpose was being there but I think she just needed somebody there so she didn’t feel alone. She spent most of the time stretching and doing some sort of yoga labor routine and bouncing on this huge exercise ball. I twiddled my thumbs for the most part and looked through a bunch of his belongings. I was timing the contractions and they were consistent and slowly did get closer together, so I thought it was probably actually going to happen. It wasn’t nearly far enough along to go to the hospital yet and it was getting close to when he’d get home. I was planning how I’d handle that when she called me into the bathroom to ask her if I thought her water broke. It wasn’t like in the movies with this huge gush of water. So he got home and I was there. He came into the house and the first thing he asked is “what are you doing here?!” I think he thought something else was going on. No, you just left and went to work and left her alone when she was scared. He said he was home and he’d be with her until it was time to go to the hospital. He put his hand on my shoulder and said something like “thanks, bud…I got it from here and we’ll call you when we’re on the way to the hospital.” He called me bud. I told him I wasn’t his fucking buddy and to fuck off. I could tell she wanted me to leave. I’m not sure she really wanted me to leave so much as she was in labor and the tension between the two of us wasn’t what she needed and I knew that. It was his house so what was I supposed to do? I left and prayed they’d actually call me instead of letting me know the next day that my kid had been born. She texted me a few hours later to say the doctor told her to go to the hospital. At that point I still didn’t know if I was going to be waiting outside or what he’d decide was best for his apparent wife and child. I was allowed to be in the room. I didn’t force my way in there. She said she wanted me to be there. He was there too. By far the single most awkward experience of my life and the only reason I was able to excuse it was because she told me she wanted me there and I didn’t want to miss the chance to be there when my kid was born and to hold my kid before he did. I can’t imagine what the doctors and nurses were thinking. Fucking humiliating. Then the guy tried to police what I could see. I put the baby in there! He’s fucking watching and it’s like this is still my wife and that’s my baby. I chose to stay dignified and I ignored him the entire time. I was there to do whatever she told me to do and my focus wasn’t on him, but in any other setting I don’t think I would have been able to hold back. The baby came flying out. I mean, as far as labor goes. These are the nurses’ words and I trust labor and delivery nurses to know what they’re talking about. She tore very bad because the baby came out so fast. The baby is so tiny, barely 6 pounds and only 18 inches, but perfectly healthy. I went home for a short rest although I really couldn’t rest at all. I went back today and of course he was there. Surprisingly he said he was going to give us some time alone with the baby. Not sure if she had previously asked him to do that when I showed up or not, didn’t ask. He even brought us all food back when he returned a few hours later. I wondered if mine might be poisoned but I tried to be nice. He’s still not gone so I’m wondering how long he’ll be around. I just can’t let myself do anything that will make her try to keep me away from my daughter now. I don’t want them making it difficult for me. I’d prefer not to share her name publicly but I can confirm it’s the name we chose for a daughter years ago. He had no say and he hasn’t said anything about the name at all. It kills me to see him holding her though. I eventually left because it was just too much sitting there pretending to be like some bizarre three’s company. I’ll know I will get my time with her when he’s not around. He’s already posting them on his social media. I don’t know how I’m going to do this but I’m going to figure it out. I just have to find a way to be the bigger person because I won’t let him or their relationship discourage me from being my daughter’s dad. I totally get doing anything for your kids now and if it means having to pretend to get along with him, I will Life update July 24, 2024 Many people have asked for an update on my situation, but I’ve been pretty busy. There’s the baby, plus a week of completely unrelated but neverending annoying problems. Remember that book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day? Thats the week I’ve been having, but I’m not even going to get into it beyond saying I can’t even stay at my own house right now due to a giant hole in the wall. I’ve been dealing with insurance and contractors all day, and they hit a water pipe. I’m still on paternity leave and continue to regularly spend time with my daughter. We have a set schedule for when my daughter comes to stay with me, so I’ve been spending less time over at his house. Sometimes my wife needs help during the day though, or just to be able to take a shower or a nap, so I will stop over to help her. Really, I just want to take advantage of any opportunity I can to spend time with her my baby and bond with her. Plus, breastfeeding isn’t working out very well. She’s still not producing enough milk and I know she’s upset about it but it sort of makes things easier for me. At least she has help when the baby is with her (supposedly he helps, gets up at night, etc.) I’m on my own, and I won’t lie and say it’s a walk in the park, but I think I’m getting the hang of it. The other day she called me and asked me to come over. She said she was on the verge of a mental breakdown. I’ve heard that line from her many times, when she was cheated on me without my knowledge, and it was usually mostly related to her job. I got over there and she was saying she can’t handle being a mom, she can’t handle life, she can’t function. She was crying. This time she couldn’t run off the the gym. She would if she could but she’s not really allowed to exercise yet. She won’t talk to anyone, won’t seek professional help. Some days she seems much better than others. She’s just an easily overwhelmed person. Everything overwhelms her. Sometimes we have, dare I say, a good time together. The most she can really go as far as physical activity right now is walk. We took the baby in her longest walk yet and walked from his house to my house. Everything was fine in the walk. She was in a good mood. We were joking around. Then she turned really sad after being at my house/our former shared house after a little while. She finally admitted that this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, raising our daughter between 2 homes. She said my home is our daughter’s real home and she’s only supposed to have one home. Then she started sobbing about not having a home anymore. My house isn’t her home and her boyfriend gumbro’s house isn’t her home and she’s essentially homeless and doesn’t belong anywhere. She admitted she fucked up really badly and she doesn’t want to share custody or to only see her daughter half the time. She “just wants to come home” but she loves “him” and she thinks he loves her and our daughter and she doesn’t want to hurt him after he’s done “all this” for her. I said so what? What she wants for her kid should be more important than his feelings. If he can’t get over the fact that the married, pregnant woman who he was sleeping with wants her kid to grow up in a single home with her actual father, he can fuck off. He can fuck off anyway. If she can’t tell him and wants me to tell him, I will. She doesn’t think she can tell him. I told her this is her biggest issue - communication and honesty. Just tell people the truth and stop being a pussy about ever telling anyone the truth about how you really feel. Thing is, I’ve been tolerating him lately. Don’t like him, but tolerate him. I’m not hanging out with him. Ever. I know it sounds crazy coming from me, but I think he’s genuinely in this. Still shouldn’t have been fucking my wife. Doesn’t absolve him of any of his involvement. He’s back to being cloyingly nice to me. Suggesting we hang out, try to be friends. He’s so fucking happy all the time. It’s a little unsettling but I think he’s just one of those people and maybe that’s what she likes about him. I’m not one of those people, never will be. So anyway, she and I sort of got into an argument - started as a discussion, turned into an argument, then morphed back to a discussion…all about everything we don’t like about each other and our relationship. In the end, we were both able to say what we need from the other person. Shes just too overwhelmed right now and can’t make any changes. She can’t handle trying to change right now. It gives her too much anxiety. So, I don’t know. We’re sort of at an impasse right now. Then this stuff with the house, I’ve just been extra stressed and not really all that pleasant to deal with. My wife has “moved home” for now July 28, 2024 This month continues to be the strangest I’ve ever experienced. The repairs to my house were made and I’m back home thankfully. I can only take a few night under my parents’ roof. I slept with somebody else. We went out on a date. I think we both just wanted to have sex to say we’d finally gotten over our former spouses. Shes the ex-wife of a friend of mine. She and I are actually closer/better friends now than her ex-husband and I. Several people have suggested that we start dating each other. We get along great and we are on the surface a really good match, but it was too fucking weird for both of us. She’s very attractive, very social and fun to be around, and has been incredibly kind to me during this whole ordeal, but I can’t see her as more than a friend. I had been intentionally avoiding sleeping with anyone else. I hadn’t been with anyone since the last time I slept with my wife. That feels like an eternity ago. For the longest time I wasn’t interested in being with other women. Then, it sort of morphed into my way of feeling morally superior to her. I was going to hold out and not pursue anything until after we were divorced. It’s pretty pointless and childish. Just a dumb way to make myself feel better and to be able to say I never cheated. I still don’t feel like I cheated - there is no marriage anymore. Within hours of this happening, I started getting texts from my wife saying she decided she wants to come home. It’s like she had some sort of with sense. She was saying she was ready, would I come help her. I called her and told her I don’t want her to come home and to be in a relationship again. She doesn’t get to just decide that’s what’s going to happen. She then started to say “oh I know, I just meant move back in.” I told her I didn’t really believe her and felt like she was just jerking me around again. She said she thought our conversation the other day had gone so well and that she thought we seem to be at a place where we could really work on fixing everything, but until then she could live in another room. She said she was completely serious about it and she wants our daughter to be in one home. I feel so mixed about everything, but ultimately I want my daughter living in my house 24/7 and I don’t want another man helping to raise her, so I took the bait. Today I showed up at his house to help her move some things, but I anticipated I’d get there and she’d either have changed her mind or she wouldn’t have been planning to leave at all and was only waiting to see me do some more tricks for her. They were arguing when I got there. The baby was crying, she was crying and running around packing things in bags, and he was following behind her begging her to stay, offering to do anything to make her stay. He accused me of this being my idea. Maybe it was, idk. I don’t really care what he thinks. It was obvious she had just sprung this news on him shortly before I got there. She was telling her over and over that she just wants her child raised in one home and that his home wasn’t really their home and she was sorry she was doing this to him after everything he’d done but she just has to give our daughter one home with her real father. We got back over to my house and she’s obviously an emotional mess. I have no room prepared for her. Not 15 minutes later he shows up at the front door. She didn’t want to talk to him. He wouldn’t give up and eventually he was there on the front porch loudly saying things like “that’s not what you were saying when you were blowing me last night!” So at that point, after I’m sure our neighbors had been enjoying this embarrassing scene long enough, I told him if he didn’t leave I’d call the cops. I went out there and tried to calm him down, I mean, I had to sympathize with him…she runs away, that’s what she does. I may have said a few other things in my own favor and to make him realize he doesn’t want to be involved in this mess that is my wife. I don’t think he’ll give up so easily. It sounds terrible, but once she was at my house I sort of found myself wishing she’d leave with him. I know I’d had wanted her to come home, and I tell myself it was mostly due to the baby, but now I’m wondering what the hell I’ve gotten myself into. She said “I didn’t really blow him last night. I haven’t done anything with him since she was born. I’ve only been thinking about you.” I told her yeah right, you expect me to believe it? Even if it’s true, what on earth makes you think I’d ever believe anything that you say? Then out of spite I told her I slept with somebody else. I know I only told her to hurt her, and I feel bad about it now. She immediately demanded to know who. I told her it wasn’t her business. She claims it is her business because we’re still married. Nope, I’m not sharing. So, now we’re awkwardly existing. I don’t have much faith that she’s going to stay here. I think she’ll be back at his place within the week. I’ve told her that he’s not allowed over here. He has no business being here. And if we’re raising our daughter in the same house, together, then she can’t just run off to his house to be with him whenever she feels like it - it won’t work that way. She says she knows, and she wants me to want to be with her again and she’ll prove to me she can be a good partner. She tried to kiss me and I rejected her. She’s upset. She’s taking a nap now. I feel like I’ve dug myself into a very deep hole now. Another update from this spineless pussy Aug 5, 2024 I don’t really have an update, but I’m mainly making this post because I’ve received a ton of comments on my previous post and it’s gotten too big to really follow anymore. When I get a notification that somebody has responded to my post or comment, I click on it and it should take me directly to the person’s comment, but it doesn’t. So I have to scroll through all of the comments to find the one I want to respond to. I don’t have time to scroll through 800 comments. I don’t respond to some comments by choice. I get it, many people think I’m a doormat and need to grow a spine. What can I really say? We can trade places and you can tell me how easy it is to navigate this and then we’ll talk. I did plan to divorce her. The papers are ready. I admit that I have stalled in having her served. I can’t put into words why. The lawyer wanted to do it back in July 29 and I told him I needed more time. I’m kind of embarrassed by my hesitation. But this is my life and it’s very easy for completely uninvolved bystanders to advocate for divorce and all sorts of unrealistic things like getting sole custody of my daughter. If I needed to take on sole custody, you bet I would. My wife isn’t crazy. I get that you all have a very bad perception of her. I’ve created that perception. Well, I didn’t create that image - I’ve simply shared the truth about her actions, so she’s created that image. That’s all anyone reading my posts knows about her, nothing good. She does have some good qualities, and believe me, I didn’t want to let myself remember or acknowledge any of them for a long time. She’s don’t horrible things, hurtful things, incredibly selfish things. She is an emotional person. She’s a highly stressed, anxious person who tends to live on by the whims of her emotions. I’m not saying it’s not tiring and frustrating at times or even most of the time, but I’m telling you that she’s not crazy. She’s not an immediate danger to the safety of our baby. She’s not doing anything that’s going to make a court give me full custody. Do I think she’s in the best possible place to raise a whole human being? No. I mean, either am I, but she has a lot of work to do and I know that. We weren’t planning to have a baby when she got pregnant. I would not have purposely conceived a baby at that time because she was sort of already a mess prior to finding out she was pregnant. But there’s a difference between that and being legitimately unstable to the point of not being able to tend to the basic needs of her child. She’s doing that. She actually seems less of a mess and less anxious than she was a year ago this time, when she was having her weekly meltdowns. She also owns our home along with me. Sure, I’ve always paid the mortgage, but the courts don’t really care who’s been paying the mortgage when the house is in both of our names. I can’t just kick her out. We had planned to sell the house and split the proceeds. Honestly, it seemed like the easiest and quickest solution. Houses are selling very fast around here and we’d make a profit. It stings to have to split the profits but it wasn’t a hill I wanted to die on. I think it’s ultimately best for my child to have her mother involved in her life and to develop a bond with her mom, regardless of where her mom ends up living or what the relationship between the two of us is like. I also think the safety and wellbeing of my child’s mother is important for my child. She needs a place to live. I’ll admit that I’ve enjoyed some of the moments of normalcy we’ve had. It’s ok if you want to say I’m rugsweeping. I’m just so fucking tired. I’m tired of being angry, tired of being sad, tired of all the drama. So to have a few days days where life feels like it used to when my life was much less complicated, and to just sit around doing mundane things together without necessarily thinking about this big master plan, divorce, reconciliation, custody, etc. feels sort of good. I feel like I can catch my breath for a second. If you want to call me spineless because I’m enjoying finally having those moments that I always dreamed we’d have together with our first child, so be it. There are still moments in feel annoyed. I kind of liked living in my own. I got used to it, or I thought I had. Sometimes it feels like she’s invading my space, but I’m handling it the best that I can. There are still things I love about her. There are some things I now hate about her. I hate things that she did. I guess I love who she used to be, but sometimes she shows glimpses of that person and I miss her. I admit that I really do miss that person I fell in love with. We’ve been together since I was 22, she was 20. Most of our adult lives. We moved in together after only a few months. We’ve experienced most adult things together, good and bad. We lived in a few shit hole apartments together, moved across the country together, bought and sold and then bought a house together, travelled to many places and had great adventures and made some good memories, survived COVID and the horrible DIY haircuts we gave each other, weathered job losses, car accidents, health scares, had some horrible fights, had some great make up sex, dealt with a few pregnancy scares, basically grew up together. Well, she didn’t grow up. She has a very hard time adulting. We used to be like best friends, always together. She still has a hold on me in some ways and what’s the use in trying to deny it? NEW UPDATE I filed for divorce Aug 23, 2024 Thanks to everyone whose reached out to check on me. I’ve had a lot going on, new baby obviously being the most obvious thing, but life has truly been a “when it rains it pours” situation lately. Ultimately, I’m fine. I filed for divorce. She’s been served. It wasn’t because of anything new she did that I haven’t already shared here. I was thinking about it practically every other second for about 2 weeks and ultimately decided I couldn’t live like that anymore, constantly thinking about it and wondering if I should do it. So I pulled the bandaid off and told the lawyer to move forward (the paperwork had already been completed and was just waiting for me to say go). I feel relieved. I think I was feeling more stress just constantly weighing what I should and shouldn’t do. Now that I made a decision, I feel better. The more we’re together here at home the more I realize this isn’t what I want and that I can’t be with her in any sort of romantic, committed way again. I hope that we can be friends and not just co-parents who only communicate about our kid when necessary. I’m actually enjoying being around her now, for the most part. I’m enjoying doing platonic things together. But the thought of anything beyond that isn’t appealing to me. I love her as the person I used to be married to her and I love and respect her as the mother of my children, but I don’t love her in the same way I used to and I don’t think I can ever get over everything she’s done. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m filled with resentment and mistrust for the rest of my life. Plus, the longer she was here, the more reminders I got of the other issues in our relationship that I guess I was able to sort of brush aside before her affair came to light. I had to really weigh staying together and trying counseling and therapy, if she’d agree to it which she has never done, to try to have those feelings for her again and keep our family under 1 roof vs. splitting time with my child, seeing her only part of the time, and almost certainly having another man/father figure in my daughter’s life (if not the AP then somebody else). It really dawned on me after she had her 6 week postnatal checkup and she was cleared for sex. She wanted us to have sex. I didn’t want to at all. She was upset, hurt. She still has no idea how deeply she hurt me. Prior to that, her affair partner made another appearance at our house. This time he was calm. He asked her to talk and she told me she had to talk to him, but asked me not to leave the house. So I went in another room and yes I listened to their entire conversation. The gist basically was he wanted her back and he loves her. She told him he’s a great guy but they never should have been together, she needs to be with her family (me and our daughter) and that she was sorry for getting him so involved in this mess. If it wasn’t for me and our daughter she’d be with him, but she has to choose us. She is still living here. We got into a huge argument last night. She threw water all over me. She got in her car and left, in just a tshirt and underwear, no shoes. Same old behavior, just running away. I knew then that I made the right decision. Of course, me divorcing her doesn’t change her behavior. She will act like this with anyone she’s with, most likely. And in those cases I won’t be there to try to shield my daughter from it and remove her from the situation. Last night I had to tell my wife to calm down for the sake of our daughter, to not behave that way around her. I know that children are still affected by this stuff even if not direct witnesses. The idea of just not being there and not knowing who she might get involved with next terrifies me. So she’s living here for now. I’m fine with that. Most days aren’t like yesterday. Right now, she’s sitting in the same room as me working on something and everything is peaceful. I can’t make her leave anyway since it’s her house too, legally. Today she was calmer and it was an ok day. For the most part we have a good routine down with caring for our daughter. This arrangement won’t last forever, but I’m in now rush for her to leave. Ultimately, I’d prefer to sell the house and split the proceeds. This is what I’ve put in the paperwork I filed; however, we can come to an agreed upon date by which to list the house and it doesn’t have to be next week or even next month. I’ve already started looking at new places to live, but I don’t feel the need to rush it. I’m tired of just having so much going on, so much in my plate to think about and worry about. I’d just like to relax for a damn second. The stress I’ve been feeling, my blood pressure is probably through the roof. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Other_Salt3889 My wife is addicted to the gym and it’s ruining our marriage Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest & r/survivinginfidelity BoRU 1 BoRU 2 BoRU 3 BoRU 4 Editor's Note: Due to the updates being large, detailed tldr's have been made to the forst 7 posts to give a summary of them. If you would like the full posts, please see the previous BoRU Thank you to the amazing u/JebWynch for the tldr's Thanks to u/Small-Bodybuilder160 for letting me know this updated TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity, physical violence, anger management issues Original Post Feb 1, 2024 OP’s Wife (30f) has always been fit but has been increasingly passionate about working out over the last 1.5 years, returning to a gym she had previously left due to her busy schedule. the gym slowly started taking over her schedule- both weekend days, and every weekday pre- and post-work. going to the gym becomes the solution for any stress, fights, crisis- everything is Gym to the point where if Wife misses a “session” it affects her mood negatively, as OP says, “like a junkie not getting her fix”. As Wife is now 4mo pregnant, OP expresses concern over the intensity of her workouts and also that he simply misses her, given all her time is now taken up by Gym. they can’t workout together, because Gym is “her time”. She won’t work out at his gym, either. Gym becomes a form of escapism from real life, a compulsion, essentially- and no problems Wife is running away from ever really get solved because Gym is simply not the solution Wife seems to think it is. Gym has become so prevalent that family members, friends start making comments on how much time Wife and Gym spend together. Update Feb 11, 2024 OP shares that he had originally laughed over comments on his post that speculated about infidelity, but quickly came to discover they were correct. Wife has been sleeping with Guy From Gym, who she had mentioned to OP countless times as a “gym friend”. There is confrontation- OP breaks Wife’s phone, Wife hits OP. OP leaves for a short period of time and returns to Wife, who, though remorseful, will not admit to exactly what infidelities she’s committed. Update 1 ends with OP feeling guilt for his rage, left with 0 answers as to exactly what’s going on with Wife. Update 2 - My wife admitted to an affair Feb 12, 2024 aaaaaaaand Wife admits to an affair. She “felt bad” about it, but not bad enough to not sleep with Guy From Gym pretty quickly. She might even be in love with him, she doesn’t know (or won’t say). And oh, there’s a chance the child she’s currently pregnant with might not be OP’s. She’ll get a paternity test though! Stellar work, Wife. My wife is moving in with her AP, they’re “in love” Feb 22, 2024 Guy From Gym and Wife (who will still be referred to as Wife….. for now……) are moving in together. She’s not getting the paternity test. OP expresses sadness for her- that she just cant be alone, or seem to work through her mess on her own. Wife had been with OP since she was 20, and OP theorizes she is codependent. Guy From Gym allegedly doesn’t care if the baby isn’t his, he’s happy to play house with OP’s Wife. My wife has agreed to a paternity test Feb 29, 2024 Shocker, Guy From Gym wants a paternity test so a paternity test they will get! In follow up comments, OP reveals the results say he is in fact the father. And update on my wife’s affair and pregnancy March 15, 2024 OP is now conflicted. He has gone from excited to be a father, to not being sure he’s going to be a father at all, to now knowing he will be the father of a child born into the disaster that Wife has created. There is a small but non physical confrontation between OP and Guy From Gym when Wife brings him to OP’s house to gather things she needs, and OP tells Guy From Gym to leave or he’s gonna punch him. OP and Wife have private words upstairs, Wife is just sooooo in love with Guy From Gym, she can’t help it! Predictably, confrontation becomes physical when OP returns to his living room to see Guy From Gym still standing there despite the warning, and so OP follows through and cold clocks him. Update 5 closes with OP and Wife still legally married, but Wife dedicated to living with and loving Guy From Gym. Another installment of the implosion which is my marriage Apr 10, 2024 OP’s Wife(?) is still pergananté, 26 weeks. OP and Wife have agreed that he will be the one in the delivery room when the baby is born, and Guy From Gym will not be present. Guy from Gym has a big problem with this, of course, because having an affair with and housing another man’s pregnant wife simply would not be enough. OP prepares to sell the marital house and split the profit. He gets to keep their dog, thank god. Wife’s sister shares with OP that Wife is already complaining about Guy From Gym, that he’s selfish, hangs out away from home too much, etc……birds of a feather and whatnot. OP ends the update expressing that he is at least happy his (Soon-To-Be-Ex) Wife is miserable. I’m still alive May 19, 2024 I’m still alive. I’m mainly posting here because several people have reached out to me and were concerned that I’d taken my own life. No, I’m not on the brink of ending my life. I think I’m doing better than I have since all of this started. Around the time of my last post, my story blew up and I was getting messages from people who saw it on TikTok and YouTube. I had to take a step back because it was a little overwhelming. I have over 100 unread messages here. I appreciate it but it was a little uncomfortable at the time, and I got to the point where I didn’t really want to talk about the situation with my wife and her AP anymore. So as of today, our baby is due in less than 10 weeks. We’re in the home stretch now. I don’t feel prepared at all. All of this other stuff has just been so distracting. I started working on a nursery. It’s not done yet, but I have the floor finished and the walls painted. My ex-wife was impressed with the color scheme and furniture I chose. She’s not legally my ex-wife yet but I’ve started calling her that. It sort of makes it easier. I also packed up a bunch of her stuff. Originally I refused to spend my time packing up her things, but eventually just said screw it and started packing it. I’m at the point where it’ll just be easier to not see all of her stuff around here. Why did I leave it for so long? She came over to get some of the boxes I packed up. She came alone. Things were fine between us. I loaded the stuff into her car. We didn’t argue. At one point she started to tear up and said she fucked up. I said yeah she did, but there’s no point talking about it now. She shit all over our marriage. She has her muscle bound asshole to go home to now anyway so who cares. She said “I know, but it’s not the same.” I told her nothing has been the same since she decided to fuck him the first time. Supposedly he’s going to “let” me be in the delivery room when my baby is born. I didn’t even argue it when she said it like that, but inside I was boiling at the idea of him letting me be there for the birth of my child. She says she talked to him and he agreed it wouldn’t really be right to not allow me to be there. I’m going to take what I can get if it means being there for the birth of my child. I’m going to try to just ignore him for the time being. She was acting all sweet and laying on all of the “I really want you there. I really need you there” stuff and I know mentally I’m not in a place to be that cold to her when she starts acting that way. I’m trying to be indifferent more than anything else but it’s so hard when she’s actually around and starts looking at me a certain way and making me feel bad. She invited me over to see the nursery they have set up at his house. I’m not sure I can bring myself to go into another man’s house and look at the nursery set up for my kid. I did ask her if she was truly safe there though. I don’t know why, it’s just been bothering me. As pissed as I still am, I don’t want to find out he’s mistreating her and I definitely don’t want my kid to be going into an unsafe household. I haven’t told her about anything her sister has told me. They probably won’t last but as of right now there’s a very good chance my newborn baby will be going home to his house. It kills me to think about. It’s almost soul destroying to think about if I dwell on it too long. She says she’s fine. He genuinely loves her. He’s great with kids. He accepts that she’s having a baby and that this is part of the package. She insists it’s not weird because she wasn’t pregnant when anything started between them. I asked her why she did it…why did she ever let anything start between them in the first place. She said “I don’t know.” Then went into “I don’t want to talk about this” mode and left pretty soon after. Typical behavior from her - just run away. Overall I’m doing ok. I’m not sitting here depressed and drinking a bottle of scotch every night anymore. I mean on occasion, but for the most part no. I feel more used to my new normal now, and that’ll all change yet again pretty soon. ADDITIONAL INFO There is a draft of a custody plan now, but the court won’t approve anything until after the baby is born. Right now she’s in agreement but there’s plenty of time for her to change her mind (or for him to convince her to change her mind). She plans to breastfeed, but with agreement that she’ll pump and the baby can drink from a bottle when not with mom. Everything I’ve read says a baby ideally needs to spend time with each parent frequently, without gaps that are too long in between, and it’s best if each parent is feeding, changing, bathing, etc. during their time. At this time she’s in agreement with all of this. I can say that she’s not said or done anything to indicate she wants to restrict my time with the baby, other than the whole delivery room thing. She seems to want me to be involved in that respect. I hope she sticks to her word. If not, I will be fighting it through legal means. I’m a dad July 2, 2024 I have a baby. A little girl. I’m a dad. She was born yesterday at 11:57 pm, 2 weeks early. As he’s done before, she was having some pains off and on and he left for work yesterday morning. She works from home on Mondays. She told me around 8:30 am she was having contractions 17 minutes apart. The same thing happened not long ago but then by evening all the pains stopped. I was at work so I told her to keep me posted. A little later she said they were 15 minutes apart and she had some other signs it might be actual labor starting. I asked her if she needed somebody there with her. She said wanted me to come be with her. I didn’t even mean to volunteer myself. She was scared. I didn’t even ask why she didn’t call him. I left work and went over to his house. Uncomfortable doesn’t begin to describe it but there were obviously more important things going on. He wasn’t there. She didn’t even contact him. She said she just wanted it to be me and her there. In her words, he hadn’t seen her pee or shit herself yet but I’ve witnessed all of that stuff already so she was more comfortable with me there. I really tried to be as nice and supportive as possible. Set the whole thing about her affair, our marriage, everything to the side for a brief time. I don’t really know what my purpose was being there but I think she just needed somebody there so she didn’t feel alone. She spent most of the time stretching and doing some sort of yoga labor routine and bouncing on this huge exercise ball. I twiddled my thumbs for the most part and looked through a bunch of his belongings. I was timing the contractions and they were consistent and slowly did get closer together, so I thought it was probably actually going to happen. It wasn’t nearly far enough along to go to the hospital yet and it was getting close to when he’d get home. I was planning how I’d handle that when she called me into the bathroom to ask her if I thought her water broke. It wasn’t like in the movies with this huge gush of water. So he got home and I was there. He came into the house and the first thing he asked is “what are you doing here?!” I think he thought something else was going on. No, you just left and went to work and left her alone when she was scared. He said he was home and he’d be with her until it was time to go to the hospital. He put his hand on my shoulder and said something like “thanks, bud…I got it from here and we’ll call you when we’re on the way to the hospital.” He called me bud. I told him I wasn’t his fucking buddy and to fuck off. I could tell she wanted me to leave. I’m not sure she really wanted me to leave so much as she was in labor and the tension between the two of us wasn’t what she needed and I knew that. It was his house so what was I supposed to do? I left and prayed they’d actually call me instead of letting me know the next day that my kid had been born. She texted me a few hours later to say the doctor told her to go to the hospital. At that point I still didn’t know if I was going to be waiting outside or what he’d decide was best for his apparent wife and child. I was allowed to be in the room. I didn’t force my way in there. She said she wanted me to be there. He was there too. By far the single most awkward experience of my life and the only reason I was able to excuse it was because she told me she wanted me there and I didn’t want to miss the chance to be there when my kid was born and to hold my kid before he did. I can’t imagine what the doctors and nurses were thinking. Fucking humiliating. Then the guy tried to police what I could see. I put the baby in there! He’s fucking watching and it’s like this is still my wife and that’s my baby. I chose to stay dignified and I ignored him the entire time. I was there to do whatever she told me to do and my focus wasn’t on him, but in any other setting I don’t think I would have been able to hold back. The baby came flying out. I mean, as far as labor goes. These are the nurses’ words and I trust labor and delivery nurses to know what they’re talking about. She tore very bad because the baby came out so fast. The baby is so tiny, barely 6 pounds and only 18 inches, but perfectly healthy. I went home for a short rest although I really couldn’t rest at all. I went back today and of course he was there. Surprisingly he said he was going to give us some time alone with the baby. Not sure if she had previously asked him to do that when I showed up or not, didn’t ask. He even brought us all food back when he returned a few hours later. I wondered if mine might be poisoned but I tried to be nice. He’s still not gone so I’m wondering how long he’ll be around. I just can’t let myself do anything that will make her try to keep me away from my daughter now. I don’t want them making it difficult for me. I’d prefer not to share her name publicly but I can confirm it’s the name we chose for a daughter years ago. He had no say and he hasn’t said anything about the name at all. It kills me to see him holding her though. I eventually left because it was just too much sitting there pretending to be like some bizarre three’s company. I’ll know I will get my time with her when he’s not around. He’s already posting them on his social media. I don’t know how I’m going to do this but I’m going to figure it out. I just have to find a way to be the bigger person because I won’t let him or their relationship discourage me from being my daughter’s dad. I totally get doing anything for your kids now and if it means having to pretend to get along with him, I will RELEVANT/ADDITIONAL COMMENTS FROM OOP It’s not about pick me. I just have a hard time not caring about her anymore. The fact that she was carrying my child made it a lot more difficult. Otherwise, I could have and would have cut all ties with her. I don’t know, still feel the need to protect her or help her. Hopefully it’ll get easier now that she and the baby are two separate people. Honestly, I’m considering doing something pretty stupid. She’s getting discharged from the hospital early tomorrow morning. I don’t want them to go home with him, so thinking about asking her to come home to our house instead. It’s ridiculous and setting us up for disaster. It wouldn’t be to be with her. I don’t want my newborn baby going home to another man’s house. I don’t think it’s for the baby’s sake that I want to stop it. It’s be for my sake. But it’s not like we’d be divorced and living together forever. So, we’d live together for some period of time but eventually we’d go our separate ways, date other people, and so on. I can’t trust her again. That would probably be worse for our kid in the long run. At least by being in 2 separate homes in the first place this will just be the norm for her and she won’t have to go through that heartache of being one family splitting into 2. I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to handle seeing my child going home from the hospital to his house. I’m honestly scared to be present when they’re discharged because I’m not sure I can control myself. ~ I caved and I asked her to come home with me when they was discharged from the hospital. I framed it more like “if you don’t want to go home with him, you don’t have to.” I let her know she could come home to our house if she wanted to. She said she can’t. Why? Because he’s done so much for her. He moved her into his house. They have a whole nursery set up. He loves her. I don’t love her anymore after what she did (her words), but he loves her and accepts her even with the baby. She thinks she’ll never find anyone who will love her and love our baby too so she can’t risk losing him. I tried to tell her she doesn’t owe him anything. Just because he let her move in and there’s a nursery there doesn’t mean she’s indebted to him, especially not when it comes to something this big. She said “I want to, but I just can’t. I’m sorry.” I left. I told her I couldn’t sit there and watch the get into his car and go to his house. As a consolation I got a “you can come over and see her tomorrow.” Great. I know she did this. This is all her doing. But why am I the one feeling like I failed. This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t immediately shut her out. I basically just pushed her to him. OOP on the AP posting pictures of the baby online Today I told him he can’t post pictures of her online. He said he was just posting a few pictures to say how proud and happy he was of MY wife, wasn’t weird. I said he can post her all he wants but he can’t post the baby. He didn’t seem to be taking it seriously so I told him I know he wishes he’d won this one, but he didn’t. She’s my kid, not his. If he’s genuine about being all buddy buddy and respecting me as the actual father, he’ll respect my request. He said ok, he understood. We’ll see. NEW UPDATES Life update July 24, 2024 Many people have asked for an update on my situation, but I’ve been pretty busy. There’s the baby, plus a week of completely unrelated but neverending annoying problems. Remember that book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day? Thats the week I’ve been having, but I’m not even going to get into it beyond saying I can’t even stay at my own house right now due to a giant hole in the wall. I’ve been dealing with insurance and contractors all day, and they hit a water pipe. I’m still on paternity leave and continue to regularly spend time with my daughter. We have a set schedule for when my daughter comes to stay with me, so I’ve been spending less time over at his house. Sometimes my wife needs help during the day though, or just to be able to take a shower or a nap, so I will stop over to help her. Really, I just want to take advantage of any opportunity I can to spend time with her my baby and bond with her. Plus, breastfeeding isn’t working out very well. She’s still not producing enough milk and I know she’s upset about it but it sort of makes things easier for me. At least she has help when the baby is with her (supposedly he helps, gets up at night, etc.) I’m on my own, and I won’t lie and say it’s a walk in the park, but I think I’m getting the hang of it. The other day she called me and asked me to come over. She said she was on the verge of a mental breakdown. I’ve heard that line from her many times, when she was cheated on me without my knowledge, and it was usually mostly related to her job. I got over there and she was saying she can’t handle being a mom, she can’t handle life, she can’t function. She was crying. This time she couldn’t run off the the gym. She would if she could but she’s not really allowed to exercise yet. She won’t talk to anyone, won’t seek professional help. Some days she seems much better than others. She’s just an easily overwhelmed person. Everything overwhelms her. Sometimes we have, dare I say, a good time together. The most she can really go as far as physical activity right now is walk. We took the baby in her longest walk yet and walked from his house to my house. Everything was fine in the walk. She was in a good mood. We were joking around. Then she turned really sad after being at my house/our former shared house after a little while. She finally admitted that this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, raising our daughter between 2 homes. She said my home is our daughter’s real home and she’s only supposed to have one home. Then she started sobbing about not having a home anymore. My house isn’t her home and her boyfriend gumbro’s house isn’t her home and she’s essentially homeless and doesn’t belong anywhere. She admitted she fucked up really badly and she doesn’t want to share custody or to only see her daughter half the time. She “just wants to come home” but she loves “him” and she thinks he loves her and our daughter and she doesn’t want to hurt him after he’s done “all this” for her. I said so what? What she wants for her kid should be more important than his feelings. If he can’t get over the fact that the married, pregnant woman who he was sleeping with wants her kid to grow up in a single home with her actual father, he can fuck off. He can fuck off anyway. If she can’t tell him and wants me to tell him, I will. She doesn’t think she can tell him. I told her this is her biggest issue - communication and honesty. Just tell people the truth and stop being a pussy about ever telling anyone the truth about how you really feel. Thing is, I’ve been tolerating him lately. Don’t like him, but tolerate him. I’m not hanging out with him. Ever. I know it sounds crazy coming from me, but I think he’s genuinely in this. Still shouldn’t have been fucking my wife. Doesn’t absolve him of any of his involvement. He’s back to being cloyingly nice to me. Suggesting we hang out, try to be friends. He’s so fucking happy all the time. It’s a little unsettling but I think he’s just one of those people and maybe that’s what she likes about him. I’m not one of those people, never will be. So anyway, she and I sort of got into an argument - started as a discussion, turned into an argument, then morphed back to a discussion…all about everything we don’t like about each other and our relationship. In the end, we were both able to say what we need from the other person. Shes just too overwhelmed right now and can’t make any changes. She can’t handle trying to change right now. It gives her too much anxiety. So, I don’t know. We’re sort of at an impasse right now. Then this stuff with the house, I’ve just been extra stressed and not really all that pleasant to deal with. My wife has “moved home” for now July 28, 2024 This month continues to be the strangest I’ve ever experienced. The repairs to my house were made and I’m back home thankfully. I can only take a few night under my parents’ roof. I slept with somebody else. We went out on a date. I think we both just wanted to have sex to say we’d finally gotten over our former spouses. Shes the ex-wife of a friend of mine. She and I are actually closer/better friends now than her ex-husband and I. Several people have suggested that we start dating each other. We get along great and we are on the surface a really good match, but it was too fucking weird for both of us. She’s very attractive, very social and fun to be around, and has been incredibly kind to me during this whole ordeal, but I can’t see her as more than a friend. I had been intentionally avoiding sleeping with anyone else. I hadn’t been with anyone since the last time I slept with my wife. That feels like an eternity ago. For the longest time I wasn’t interested in being with other women. Then, it sort of morphed into my way of feeling morally superior to her. I was going to hold out and not pursue anything until after we were divorced. It’s pretty pointless and childish. Just a dumb way to make myself feel better and to be able to say I never cheated. I still don’t feel like I cheated - there is no marriage anymore. Within hours of this happening, I started getting texts from my wife saying she decided she wants to come home. It’s like she had some sort of with sense. She was saying she was ready, would I come help her. I called her and told her I don’t want her to come home and to be in a relationship again. She doesn’t get to just decide that’s what’s going to happen. She then started to say “oh I know, I just meant move back in.” I told her I didn’t really believe her and felt like she was just jerking me around again. She said she thought our conversation the other day had gone so well and that she thought we seem to be at a place where we could really work on fixing everything, but until then she could live in another room. She said she was completely serious about it and she wants our daughter to be in one home. I feel so mixed about everything, but ultimately I want my daughter living in my house 24/7 and I don’t want another man helping to raise her, so I took the bait. Today I showed up at his house to help her move some things, but I anticipated I’d get there and she’d either have changed her mind or she wouldn’t have been planning to leave at all and was only waiting to see me do some more tricks for her. They were arguing when I got there. The baby was crying, she was crying and running around packing things in bags, and he was following behind her begging her to stay, offering to do anything to make her stay. He accused me of this being my idea. Maybe it was, idk. I don’t really care what he thinks. It was obvious she had just sprung this news on him shortly before I got there. She was telling her over and over that she just wants her child raised in one home and that his home wasn’t really their home and she was sorry she was doing this to him after everything he’d done but she just has to give our daughter one home with her real father. We got back over to my house and she’s obviously an emotional mess. I have no room prepared for her. Not 15 minutes later he shows up at the front door. She didn’t want to talk to him. He wouldn’t give up and eventually he was there on the front porch loudly saying things like “that’s not what you were saying when you were blowing me last night!” So at that point, after I’m sure our neighbors had been enjoying this embarrassing scene long enough, I told him if he didn’t leave I’d call the cops. I went out there and tried to calm him down, I mean, I had to sympathize with him…she runs away, that’s what she does. I may have said a few other things in my own favor and to make him realize he doesn’t want to be involved in this mess that is my wife. I don’t think he’ll give up so easily. It sounds terrible, but once she was at my house I sort of found myself wishing she’d leave with him. I know I’d had wanted her to come home, and I tell myself it was mostly due to the baby, but now I’m wondering what the hell I’ve gotten myself into. She said “I didn’t really blow him last night. I haven’t done anything with him since she was born. I’ve only been thinking about you.” I told her yeah right, you expect me to believe it? Even if it’s true, what on earth makes you think I’d ever believe anything that you say? Then out of spite I told her I slept with somebody else. I know I only told her to hurt her, and I feel bad about it now. She immediately demanded to know who. I told her it wasn’t her business. She claims it is her business because we’re still married. Nope, I’m not sharing. So, now we’re awkwardly existing. I don’t have much faith that she’s going to stay here. I think she’ll be back at his place within the week. I’ve told her that he’s not allowed over here. He has no business being here. And if we’re raising our daughter in the same house, together, then she can’t just run off to his house to be with him whenever she feels like it - it won’t work that way. She says she knows, and she wants me to want to be with her again and she’ll prove to me she can be a good partner. She tried to kiss me and I rejected her. She’s upset. She’s taking a nap now. I feel like I’ve dug myself into a very deep hole now. RELEVANT COMMENTS Smoke-Thin-Mints Brother you better get her out of that house and fast oml OOP I was really doing a good job of tolerating the guy since they came home from the hospital. I don’t like him and never will like him, but I don’t believe he had any nefarious intentions with my daughter. However, my heart broke every time I had to leave my little girl over there at another man’s house. Or when I’d go over there to pick her up and he greet me at the door holding my baby, talking to her like he was her dad! No, that’s one of the lowest feelings in the world. So, for these reasons I’m happy to have them here. I just don’t know how this can or will work with her mother living here. ~ dcphoto78 Is this really the environment you want your child to grow up in? OOP No, not at all. But I also don’t want her growing up in another man’s home. What I’m worried about is my wife dragging her back and forth - I’ve told her she can’t do that, it’s not fair to me or our child. ~ Purple_Bishop2 If you really don’t want your daughter being raised half-time by AP, your only real option is to truly attempt to reconcile, but it’s pretty clear neither of you really want to reconcile with each other - it’s just that neither of you want to be apart from your daughter. If she is going to live with you for even a couple of days you need to have some tenderness in your heart for her and be willing to lovingly interact with her and your daughter. Your WW is postpartum and an emotional wreck so if you gray rock or get angry shit will go south fast in a way that won’t be good for your daughter. All other paths lead to 50/50 custody and acceptance of AP having a role in your daughter’s life. Be civil (not friendly, civil) to AP as you say your WW loves him and will likely go back to him soon. If you and AP are at war it will be terrible for your daughter. OOP I’m going to be nice. We sat on the porch while it was storming outside tonight and she was talking to the baby and said “This is how it should be, [daughter’s name], mommy, and daddy.” Several rude comments immediately popped into my brain but I kept them to myself I figure I might as well enjoy it while I can. Well, enjoy having my daughter her and maybe pretending we’re a normal family for an hour. I’m not actually enjoying having my wife here right now. It’s not making me feel good. I didn’t mind when she was here the other day when we took a walk and came over here but today I’m really not enjoying her being here. I’m going to keep that to myself. OOP Has made a new post after the BoRU Another update from this spineless pussy Aug 5, 2024 I don’t really have an update, but I’m mainly making this post because I’ve received a ton of comments on my previous post and it’s gotten too big to really follow anymore. When I get a notification that somebody has responded to my post or comment, I click on it and it should take me directly to the person’s comment, but it doesn’t. So I have to scroll through all of the comments to find the one I want to respond to. I don’t have time to scroll through 800 comments. I don’t respond to some comments by choice. I get it, many people think I’m a doormat and need to grow a spine. What can I really say? We can trade places and you can tell me how easy it is to navigate this and then we’ll talk. I did plan to divorce her. The papers are ready. I admit that I have stalled in having her served. I can’t put into words why. The lawyer wanted to do it back in July 29 and I told him I needed more time. I’m kind of embarrassed by my hesitation. But this is my life and it’s very easy for completely uninvolved bystanders to advocate for divorce and all sorts of unrealistic things like getting sole custody of my daughter. If I needed to take on sole custody, you bet I would. My wife isn’t crazy. I get that you all have a very bad perception of her. I’ve created that perception. Well, I didn’t create that image - I’ve simply shared the truth about her actions, so she’s created that image. That’s all anyone reading my posts knows about her, nothing good. She does have some good qualities, and believe me, I didn’t want to let myself remember or acknowledge any of them for a long time. She’s don’t horrible things, hurtful things, incredibly selfish things. She is an emotional person. She’s a highly stressed, anxious person who tends to live on by the whims of her emotions. I’m not saying it’s not tiring and frustrating at times or even most of the time, but I’m telling you that she’s not crazy. She’s not an immediate danger to the safety of our baby. She’s not doing anything that’s going to make a court give me full custody. Do I think she’s in the best possible place to raise a whole human being? No. I mean, either am I, but she has a lot of work to do and I know that. We weren’t planning to have a baby when she got pregnant. I would not have purposely conceived a baby at that time because she was sort of already a mess prior to finding out she was pregnant. But there’s a difference between that and being legitimately unstable to the point of not being able to tend to the basic needs of her child. She’s doing that. She actually seems less of a mess and less anxious than she was a year ago this time, when she was having her weekly meltdowns. She also owns our home along with me. Sure, I’ve always paid the mortgage, but the courts don’t really care who’s been paying the mortgage when the house is in both of our names. I can’t just kick her out. We had planned to sell the house and split the proceeds. Honestly, it seemed like the easiest and quickest solution. Houses are selling very fast around here and we’d make a profit. It stings to have to split the profits but it wasn’t a hill I wanted to die on. I think it’s ultimately best for my child to have her mother involved in her life and to develop a bond with her mom, regardless of where her mom ends up living or what the relationship between the two of us is like. I also think the safety and wellbeing of my child’s mother is important for my child. She needs a place to live. I’ll admit that I’ve enjoyed some of the moments of normalcy we’ve had. It’s ok if you want to say I’m rugsweeping. I’m just so fucking tired. I’m tired of being angry, tired of being sad, tired of all the drama. So to have a few days days where life feels like it used to when my life was much less complicated, and to just sit around doing mundane things together without necessarily thinking about this big master plan, divorce, reconciliation, custody, etc. feels sort of good. I feel like I can catch my breath for a second. If you want to call me spineless because I’m enjoying finally having those moments that I always dreamed we’d have together with our first child, so be it. There are still moments in feel annoyed. I kind of liked living in my own. I got used to it, or I thought I had. Sometimes it feels like she’s invading my space, but I’m handling it the best that I can. There are still things I love about her. There are some things I now hate about her. I hate things that she did. I guess I love who she used to be, but sometimes she shows glimpses of that person and I miss her. I admit that I really do miss that person I fell in love with. We’ve been together since I was 22, she was 20. Most of our adult lives. We moved in together after only a few months. We’ve experienced most adult things together, good and bad. We lived in a few shit hole apartments together, moved across the country together, bought and sold and then bought a house together, travelled to many places and had great adventures and made some good memories, survived COVID and the horrible DIY haircuts we gave each other, weathered job losses, car accidents, health scares, had some horrible fights, had some great make up sex, dealt with a few pregnancy scares, basically grew up together. Well, she didn’t grow up. She has a very hard time adulting. We used to be like best friends, always together. She still has a hold on me in some ways and what’s the use in trying to deny it? THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not OOP. OOP is u/Leading-Sir8714. He posted in r/TrueOffMyChest Your daily fun fact to cover up spoilers: u/rbaltimore requested jaguars. The word jaguar most likely comes from the South American Tupi and Guarani languages. According to National Geographic, the name probably translates to "he who kills with one leap." Jaguars have the strongest bite of any cat for its size, and they have an extra ligament behind their nose and mouth that allows them to open their mouth way wider than a regular cat (letting them roar loudly.) Trigger Warnings: Possible cheating Mood Spoiler: Honestly the whole thing is sad, but OOP makes his choice Original Post: January 16, 2023 (in the middle of the night) I live in a big city in my own apartment. My girlfriend (Lilly) lives with her roommates, but if I’m being honest she basically lives over here 80 percent of the time. Early today/ yesterday while I was at the gym with my friend (mike) she texted me that she had an “old friend” she hasn’t seen in awhile that’s in town and that it would be nice to have a quiet place to catch up. I said they could use my apartment and that I’d go out for dinner with Mike so they’d have time to catch up. During this time I’m at the gym so I was in rush. I didn’t ask who she was inviting over ect. Well apparently I should as the old friend she was apparently catching up with alone in my apartment was her only ex boyfriend Kyle. Around 30ish mins after this conversation I get a text from her saying they’re at the apartment. I just said “bet” and continued with my friend. Mike and I finished our workout around 7pm and decided we’d go to Whole Foods as their hot/salad bars got some great food. We ate there and finished around 8:30ish. I’m on my way home now, and honestly I wasn’t expecting anything other than just saying hi and heading my ass to bed. Shit had been a long ass day and honestly I was just ready to get to sleep. I arrive home around 9 pm, and at this point I had no idea If her friend was still over or not. I was secretly hoping they weren’t as I didn’t feel like socializing at all, but hey I’ll take one for the team. When I walked in the apartment I see some big ass timberland boots that obviously are a mans. I’m immediately like fuck her friend brought her boyfriend im going to have to stay up and socialize now. I take off my shoes and jacket and start heading down the mini hallway. As I enter the living area I see my girlfriend sitting on the couch with a man at separate ends but staring right at each other talking. My girlfriend notices me and jumps a little (I didn’t really find this odd at the time but now i thinking back on it makes sense). At this point I’m still completely oblivious. I say hello and start walking towards the man. I’m looking around the house at this point for her friend honestly I just thought she was in the bathroom or some shit. I shake the guys hand and say some shit like hey I’m Lilly’s boyfriend. He replied back in like a cocky ass way with some “I’m Kyle Lilly’s ex”. I was like oh my fault I thought you her friends boyfriend. Then it got a little quiet and I rapidly come to the realization that my girlfriend has been alone with her ex In MY APARTMENT for the last couple hours. I look at my girl and say “ so I’m taking this was your old friend?” She said yeah in a soft ass voice. At this point I wasn't letting myself jump to any conclusions but I’m tired and I don’t feel like socializing. I’m also now upset my girl was just chilling with her ex in my apartment . It got quiet again and these two made zero effort to continue whatever convo they were having just moments ago. Lilly asks how my day was and I was like it was fine i guess again getting the vibe I’m interrupting something. At this point I’m fed up (only like a minute or so had past since my question to her) and I look at him and asked Kyle “hey do you mind ending it here for today I actually got some things I got to talk to Lilly about” he said some “she invited me over though and we’re still reminiscing on the good ole days”. I look at Lilly she can’t even look me in my eyes. I look back at Kyle and say” alright let me rephrase it this is my apartment and I’m telling you to leave”. He then looks at her and says “ do you want me to leave?” At this point and I’m not proud of it I completely lose my shit. Saying “what the fuck do you mean by that?! I don’t give a shit if she wants you to leave or not! I’m telling you to get the fuck out my house!” Lilly is telling me to calm down and turns And tells him he needs to leave. Kyle gets up and heads towards the hallway to get his shit . I follow and he ends up leaving. I come back and Lilly is now pissed at me saying I embarrassed her. I EMBARRASSED YOU? She then goes on about how my reaction is totally uncalled for as she told me he was coming over and asked. I was like no Lilly you said a fucking friend was coming over a fucking friend. Not once you mention this friend was a male much less your fucking ex. She then says my reaction was bullshit and that I acted like an ass. I tell her you were with your fucking ex in my apartment. Do you not understand how much of a fuck you that comes across as? I then asked why the fuck y’all were meeting in the first place and she tells me he’s going through “rough” times and needs someone to lean on. And that she just wanted to be there for him as he’s a nice person and that by hanging with him in my apartment it shows nothing shady is going on. I explain how that is bullshit and that if my ex stared having issues and I was the one comforting her she would be pissed. She was like no she’d understand because she has empathy. I was like that’s bullshit Lilly you got pissed at me at the gym cause I smiled when a girl complimented my form when lifting. She then was like she’s done talking and stormed out. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t chase, I haven’t reach out. I just sat on the couch and thought about what the fuck just happened . I then called my father who gave me some great advice. She then texted me these two hours ago. “Can we talk?” “Im sorry for not telling you it was my ex that I invited was inviting over. I dont want you to get the wrong idea nothing happened. Nothing is going to happen. I love you. He messaged me out of the blue he needed someone to talk to. I didn’t think that much of it I’m sorry for deceiving you (that sounds like bs right?? I didn’t think much of it then followed by sorry for deceiving you like obviously you did think about it or you would’ve been truthful) . I wanted to talk to him at your place because I didn’t want you to assume something else was going on” “ please talk to me I love you”. Obliviously if she sees this she’ll know I’m talking about us but she doesn’t use Reddit. I haven’t responded yet I’m leaning towards wanting to break things up with her after talking about all this wit my pops. Not for her talking him but for how I felt in the moment it all was happening. It’s a huge red flag for me that she said “old fiend” instead of ex I still don’t get it. I’m the moment of me getting visibly upset with her ex she didn’t take my side once. When I was nice before I even recognized him it felt like I was the odd man out. I just felt like she doesnt respect me. Not on some 1950s shit where the women has to respect the man, but if the roles were reversed and I was with my ex at her house I would’ve backed my girl when she was getting mad. I would’ve called my ex out for talking cocky to my girl ect. I’m still very pissed so I don’t think I should be talking to her right now it’s currently around 3 am… honestly I’m just fucking tired idek if I’m pissed. EDIT 1: It's currently 12;44 pm Its already been long fucking day and will continue to be a long fucking day. I've seen your comments ill update tonight or tomorrow depending what the fuck ends up fully playing out, It's been a hof ass level of a day so far. IM on like 3 hrs of sleep.. PS I added paragraphs.. This whole writing was my just typing the words from thoughts last night I had no idea so many would view this... Update Post: January 16, 2023 (16 hours later) UPDATE: This shit is long I doubt you actually want to read it all sorry I just poured my thoughts into it It’s currently around 7pm when writing this and honestly the last 13ish hours I’ve been up have been fucking draining to say the least. I awoke in the morning to my phone going absolutely nuts with notifications from reddit. I’m honestly like oh fuck why the actual fuck did I decide to pour my personal thoughts out into a reddit post?? I began to scroll y'all's comments and to say I was shocked is an absolute understatement. Literally almost all of y’all are actively taking my side, and I mean I was just scrolling this morning just looking for that one comment that was taking hers. It did not come. What surprised me the most were the amount of women in this thread that said they would never do this to their man and that it is beyond disrespectful. I mean those comments hit the hardest this morning as those were my thoughts exactly. Last night was a fucking stress storm for me to be honest. I couldn’t believe what the fuck had just happened. As yall can guess from my post I live alone so there wasn’t anyone at my crib that I could talk to so I decided to call the one man that's had my back since day one. My pops. As many have messaged me and many have commented I will go into detail on what exactly our phone call entailed. First I’m gonna go back to when it originally happened so that it makes more sense. Also when reading back my thoughts from last night it was clear I was rushing at the end and honestly just fed up with everything at that point so I skipped a lot of details. Okay to start Lilly had just stormed out of my apartment at this point when I called her out that she wouldn’t be fucking okay with me meeting with my ex cause they needed someone to “lean” on. Like I said before I didn’t call out, text, or follow her. At this point I am fucking furious and I can’t believe what the fuck just happened. I take a seat on the couch and try breathing exercises. I am trying to calm down, but it’s no use cause I keep remembering Kyle asking “do you want me to leave?” to my girlfriend. I didn’t really elaborate on this beforehand but that shit fucking sent me to another world and I was absolutely about lose my shit to the max. I just kept telling myself it's not worth it, it's not worth it, it's not worth it… At this point all I want to do is beat Kyle's ass, and all my methods for calming down were failing at this point. I Just said fuck it and picked up my phone and said “Siri call old man” I honestly didn’t know what I was going to say at this point, but I knew if there was one person who could get through to me it would be my pops. Now I don’t remember the exact dialogue that exactly went down, but I’m going to try my best to be as accurate as possible. *Phone dialing* dad picks up and says ‘I seen it already vooch dropped 43 on they ass” I started laughing a bit and say “its not about that dad I just go into a huge fucking fight with Lilly dad,,, I’m really fucking pissed dad I don’t want to do anything stupid”. “Whoah whoah okay where are you right now? Are you with her? Are you guys okay?” -dad, “I’m at the crib right now and she just stormed out, yes I am chilling I just don’t know what do” - me There's a long pause after this and I hear my pops take a deep breath and say “alright alright hit me” I began to give him the same run down I gave you guys in my last post. The whole time my pops is dead silent doesn’t say a fucking a word. I finished up the story. All he asked was “what does kyle look like?”. I won’t lie this caught my off guard cause I was like damn dad why the fuck does it matter what he looks like. I responded “uh idk he was white with long curly hair ect” “why?” my dad was like “ no no how tall was he?” at this point i'm like wtf dad,, “ uh idk his ass was like 5’9 max” my dad laughs a bit and says “explains the timberlands then, fucking male equivalent of heels” I didn’t realize it yesterday but what my pops was doing was what he always does I literally can’t stay pissed if i laugh and my dad can make me laugh on demand. I started laughing. I was like “ you right you right” he then was like “ how much he think he weighed?” I had to think for a minute but I was like “hmm maybe a buck 55 ish”. My pops then brought up the argument between Kyle and I. “You said Lilly told Kyle to leave after you started to get mad right?” “Yeah” I responded. My dad pauses for a long time again and takes another deep breath “ (my name) I wouldn’t be surprised if this situation is a lot deeper than it seems. It speaks volumes to me she only rallied for him to leave after you began to get real upset. {my name} you are 6’0 190 lbs and were just disrespected in your own house by a man you do not know. When a woman cares for someone the last thing she wants is for him to be in harm's way. She understood exactly what was going to happen if the situation continued to escalate, and she chose to get Kyle out of harm's way. Followed by switching all the blame to you and leaving. Honestly son, where do you think she's at right now?” I didn’t say anything. I knew what he was Implying. “ I know it hurts, but promise me you won’t do anything irrational. She made her decision there's not much you can do to change it. You’ve proven your whole life your one of one don’t lose yourself now over something that will just end up a tiny bump on your road map. I mean seriously I couldn’t be more fucking proud of you son. You're 22 living on your own in (city), you got your shit together that's rare {my name}, your rare {my name}. The right women like your mom for me (I laughed a little) will walk into your life when you least expect it. Don’t waste your energy. Everything happens for a reason son.” I paused for a minute and said “ thank you I needed this dad” my dad laughed “ of course your mom and I are here for you always”. *Ends call* Fast forward back to this morning. I couldn’t sleep for shit last night so this morning was just completely ass. Lily was blowing up my phone the whole night apologizing and begging for my forgiveness. It’s around 11 am at this point I'm completely just over this situation. I still haven’t responded to her since she stormed off last night. In my opinion she made her choice. However , I got a long ass week ahead of me and can’t be having this shit continue to impact me this much going forward. I eat something and head down to my apartment's local gym to just run ( on lifting days I go to a private gym and on cardio days I use the apartment's gym). Running is therapeutic for me. Around 1 o'clock I got a phone call and you guessed it, it was from Lilly. No part of me wanted to pick up the phone, but we’ve been dating for 2.5 years. I felt obligated. *picks up phone* “What's up?” I say to be immediately met with crying “Im sorry {my name} I love you to death. Please just talk to me. I shouldn’t have left last night. I panicked. You know i Love you {my name}” I didn’t say anything “{my name} please talk to me. This isn’t right, please just talk to your girlfriend. I'm sorry. I told you nothing happened, I Won't ever talk to him again please i beg can we just talk”. At this point the realization of my feelings for her started to really kick in. instead of anger, sorrow, or any emotion tbh I just felt a sense of indifference when she spoke. I responded “can you come over around 3?” still crying at this point “YES yes yes yes” she says. “Ok” I say *ends call* I’m just sitting on the sofa now at this time just waiting for 3 to roll around. Scrolling through the comments on my previous post. *knock* *knock* I hear from the hallway. Shortly after I see my girlfriend emerge from the mini hallway. She begins to start smiling and crying while wiping her tears. Again I take notice of how I feel at this moment. A sense of indifference. A feeling I don’t care about anymore. It really started to hit me, 2.5 years wasted just like that. The woman who I cared so deeply for just 24 hrs before now is in front of me crying and I don’t feel a thing. “Lilly, it’s over between us” I said. Completely shocked, she barely manages to mutter out “what?” while still crying. “It’s over” I repeated. “(my name) (my name) (my name) (my name) (my name) no no no no no no no. Please, I'm sorry. Don't end this between us I love you to death” she said hysterically. Now I won’t lie that last bit hit hard. I mean fucking hard man. I couldn’t mask it anymore; the lid had been broken. “Don't end this between us?” I say. “ Lilly, I'm sorry I can’t take this shit anymore. I don’t know what impression I gave you over our relationship, but I won’t stay in a relationship with a women who thinks that fucking little of me. You made the decision to end shit between us when invited your ex into my apartment behind my fucking back Lilly. That is something I refuse to let slide Lilly” At this point my thoughts just begin to flow out of my mouth like a fucking tidal wave. “ No man is that cocky for no reason Lilly. I’m not a fucking fool Lilly. You gave him some type of reassurance to give him the confidence to act like that. Shit you even backed him in front of me. Why the fuck would I stay with someone whose not going to have my back?” Absolutely balling at this point Lilly say ”I’m sorry (my name) I love you Im sorry” Yall can call me whatever you want but at this point I just went soft. I didn’t have the heart to keep drilling her anymore. She was just breaking down crying uncontrollably. I just sat down in silence. “ (my name) I'm sorry it won't happen again (my name) I love you only you. I won't ever talk to him again I wont I promise. ( my name) please just give me one more chance” said lilly. I'm completely silent. I mean there was just a huge fucking pressure on my chest it felt like my ribcage was gonna crack under the pressure. Sat there silently listening to her crying I remembered one my favorite songs “ I'd rather have loyalty than love, 'Cause love really don't mean jack, See love is just a feeling, You can love somebody and still stab them in they back, It don't take much to love, You can love somebody just by being attached, See loyalty is a action, You can love or hate me and still have my back” -21 savage. I just kept repeating those lyrics in my head over and over and over again. To many, it might seem she said all the right things,but to me actions speak louder than words. Last night she chose to make her decision on us through her actions, and since actions speak louder than words it really didn’t matter what she said. I'm struggling to keep it together at this point. I really did love her, shit I still fucking do, but I understood this was what's best for me. I wouldn’t have been able to trust her again. You can't be in a relationship without trust or loyalty. I lost both from her. As she cries I look up and say “Lilly please, it's over. There's no saving this” she looks at me and says “(my name” “no please just stop it's over Lilly” I interrupt. ‘Please just do us both a favor and take your things and leave Lilly. It's over please let's just end it here”. She doesn’t say anything and gets up and starts grabbing some of her things around their apartment. I grabbed a garbage bag and helped her pack. She left the keys to my apartment on the table and left. This all finished up around 4:30 today I’ve just been sitting here trying to process what the fuck just happened. Honestly it all still doesn’t feel real. I never intended on posting on reddit yesterday, but I just needed a place to fucking vent and since it blew up I felt like It I should update yall today. It’s 7:35 as I finish writing this. I’m fucking hurt. The weight of what the fuck just went dont over the last 24 hours doesn’t real. To anyone actually who actually read this long ass update thank you. To those who commented on my previous post, than you, I fucking needed a place to vent last night. Relevant Comments: ***"***I tried to be as transparent as possible and show both sides to the best of my ability. What y’all read was my raw emotion. Over the last month I’ve picked up journaling on my self improvement journey. It’s really helps understand your own thoughts. Last night I decided to post to this sub instead of my notes app. I appreciate the kind words you all have given me. I’m going to continue to work on myself and push forward." Your ages? "my ex and I are both 22" You know Lilly best- do you think she cheated? "I avoided talking about this and as many are criticizing in the comments I didn’t ask questions. I don’t know what they talked about, I don’t know where she went that night I’m left with my own imagination on that. The fact of the matter it doesn’t matter if they engaged in sexual activities or not. It wouldn’t have Changed the outcome. My frustrations were never about that. It was the lack of respect she displayed towards me. I don’t know if she physically cheating and honestly i don’t care. Multiple dealbreakers were broken with the information I do have." I marked this as concluded as OOP has broken up with Lilly. Edit- Again, I am not OOP. This is a repost sub- see the rules of the sub if you have more questions. I posted this because both posts were the top post on r/TrueOffMyChest over the last week, and gained a lot of traction. submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I live in a big city in my own apartment. My girlfriend (Lilly) lives with her roommates, but if I’m being honest she basically lives over here 80 percent of the time. Early today/ yesterday while I was at the gym with my friend (mike) she texted me that she had an “old friend” she hasn’t seen in awhile that’s in town and that it would be nice to have a quiet place to catch up. I said they could use my apartment and that I’d go out for dinner with Mike so they’d have time to catch up. During this time I’m at the gym so I was in rush. I didn’t ask who she was inviting over ect. Well apparently I should as the old friend she was apparently catching up with alone in my apartment was her only ex boyfriend Kyle. Around 30ish mins after this conversation I get a text from her saying they’re at the apartment. I just said “bet” and continued with my friend. Mike and I finished our workout around 7pm and decided we’d go to Whole Foods as their hot/salad bars got some great food. We ate there and finished around 8:30ish. I’m on my way home now, and honestly I wasn’t expecting anything other than just saying hi and heading my ass to bed. Shit had been a long ass day and honestly I was just ready to get to sleep. I arrive home around 9 pm, and at this point I had no idea If her friend was still over or not. I was secretly hoping they weren’t as I didn’t feel like socializing at all, but hey I’ll take one for the team. When I walked in the apartment I see some big ass timberland boots that obviously are a mans. I’m immediately like fuck her friend brought her boyfriend im going to have to stay up and socialize now. I take off my shoes and jacket and start heading down the mini hallway. As I enter the living area I see my girlfriend sitting on the couch with a man at separate ends but staring right at each other talking. My girlfriend notices me and jumps a little (I didn’t really find this odd at the time but now i thinking back on it makes sense). At this point I’m still completely oblivious. I say hello and start walking towards the man. I’m looking around the house at this point for her friend honestly I just thought she was in the bathroom or some shit. I shake the guys hand and say some shit like hey I’m Lilly’s boyfriend. He replied back in like a cocky ass way with some “I’m Kyle Lilly’s ex”. I was like oh my fault I thought you her friends boyfriend. Then it got a little quiet and I rapidly come to the realization that my girlfriend has been alone with her ex In MY APARTMENT for the last couple hours. I look at my girl and say “ so I’m taking this was your old friend?” She said yeah in a soft ass voice. At this point I wasn't letting myself jump to any conclusions but I’m tired and I don’t feel like socializing. I’m also now upset my girl was just chilling with her ex in my apartment . It got quiet again and these two made zero effort to continue whatever convo they were having just moments ago. Lilly asks how my day was and I was like it was fine i guess again getting the vibe I’m interrupting something. At this point I’m fed up (only like a minute or so had past since my question to her) and I look at him and asked Kyle “hey do you mind ending it here for today I actually got some things I got to talk to Lilly about” he said some “she invited me over though and we’re still reminiscing on the good ole days”. I look at Lilly she can’t even look me in my eyes. I look back at Kyle and say” alright let me rephrase it this is my apartment and I’m telling you to leave”. He then looks at her and says “ do you want me to leave?” At this point and I’m not proud of it I completely lose my shit. Saying “what the fuck do you mean by that?! I don’t give a shit if she wants you to leave or not! I’m telling you to get the fuck out my house!” Lilly is telling me to calm down and turns And tells him he needs to leave. Kyle gets up and heads towards the hallway to get his shit . I follow and he ends up leaving. I come back and Lilly is now pissed at me saying I embarrassed her. I EMBARRASSED YOU? She then goes on about how my reaction is totally uncalled for as she told me he was coming over and asked. I was like no Lilly you said a fucking friend was coming over a fucking friend. Not once you mention this friend was a male much less your fucking ex. She then says my reaction was bullshit and that I acted like an ass. I tell her you were with your fucking ex in my apartment. Do you not understand how much of a fuck you that comes across as? I then asked why the fuck y’all were meeting in the first place and she tells me he’s going through “rough” times and needs someone to lean on. And that she just wanted to be there for him as he’s a nice person and that by hanging with him in my apartment it shows nothing shady is going on. I explain how that is bullshit and that if my ex stared having issues and I was the one comforting her she would be pissed. She was like no she’d understand because she has empathy. I was like that’s bullshit Lilly you got pissed at me at the gym cause I smiled when a girl complimented my form when lifting. She then was like she’s done talking and stormed out. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t chase, I haven’t reach out. I just sat on the couch and thought about what the fuck just happened . I then called my father who gave me some great advice. She then texted me these two hours ago. “Can we talk?” “Im sorry for not telling you it was my ex that I invited was inviting over. I dont want you to get the wrong idea nothing happened. Nothing is going to happen. I love you. He messaged me out of the blue he needed someone to talk to. I didn’t think that much of it I’m sorry for deceiving you (that sounds like bs right?? I didn’t think much of it then followed by sorry for deceiving you like obviously you did think about it or you would’ve been truthful) . I wanted to talk to him at your place because I didn’t want you to assume something else was going on” “ please talk to me I love you”. Obliviously if she sees this she’ll know I’m talking about us but she doesn’t use Reddit. I haven’t responded yet I’m leaning towards wanting to break things up with her after talking about all this wit my pops. Not for her talking him but for how I felt in the moment it all was happening. It’s a huge red flag for me that she said “old fiend” instead of ex I still don’t get it. I’m the moment of me getting visibly upset with her ex she didn’t take my side once. When I was nice before I even recognized him it felt like I was the odd man out. I just felt like she doesnt respect me. Not on some 1950s shit where the women has to respect the man,but if the roles were reversed and I was with my ex at her house I would’ve backed my girl when she was getting mad. I would’ve called my ex out for talking cocky to my girl ect. I’m still very pissed so I don’t think I should be talking to her right now it’s currently around 3 am… honestly I’m just fucking tired idek if I’m pissed. EDIT 1: It's currently 12;44 pm Its already been long fucking day and will continue to be a long fucking day. I've seen your comments ill update tonight or tomorrow depending what the fuck ends up fully playing out, It's been a hof ass level of a day so far. IM on like 3 hrs of sleep.. PS I added paragraphs.. This whole writing was my just typing the words from thoughts last night I had no idea so many would view this... submitted by /u/Leading-Sir8714 to r/TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]