Baby Bottles Hell Is Us

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.... Changing the diapers, making the bottles, putting her to bed and ... weekends taking care of my baby sister while my Mom was ... wealth while the rest of us are slowly starving to death ... it's okay to hate on us and cheer on the slow ... and parents are gone all hell is going to break loose ... plotting to kill and enslave us all for good. We're going ... reason "they" have power of us is because we allow them ...

... were occupied. How in the hell did three or four buildings ... had felt eyes turn towards us when we walked in, and ... one who said none of us could do better? Isn't it ... he could mock me, "Wow us." I gingerly took the bard's ... buy that lute. Most of us here know that and it's ... remembered for stupid songs like Bottles on a Wall or the ... Ends. Maybe I would consider Baby Shark but Earth brain had ...

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...continued, grabbing at the pill bottles and packets with his fingertips. ... over a tiny little baby slap over the back of ...of my throat. Twelve hundred US dollars!? Really? He expected me...put a few paces between us. With the faint warmth from... more distance I put between us. "You will pay," he'd said... and disbelief. What the hell was wrong with me? That ... step I put between us, mostly because I knew I ...

... to pump for my first baby as well. during the 2nd... can only be shipped to us, can’t be bought online due... anyway. he takes 5-7oz per bottles and 6 bottles per day (30-40oz a... lot yes but my first baby (who had no issues) also... did so MOTNPs were hell since i didn’t have a baby helping me wake... he is the type of baby that needed to latch in ... all i wanted is a baby who would latch and i ...

...themselves. This was sketchy as hell. No doubt Potema has .... He took out two bottles of magicka potion from his... which was why he stocked bottles of magicka potions for months... guys finished the mission without us?! Σ(°ロ°) >> Betrayal, I...the powers that be kick us back home? RedRose: Oh, ... until the system kicks us back to our respective homes... silver blade of her baby, replaced by a shining dark...

...themselves. This was sketchy as hell. No doubt Potema has .... He took out two bottles of magicka potion from his... which was why he stocked bottles of magicka potions for months... guys finished the mission without us?! Σ(°ロ°) >> Betrayal, I...the powers that be kick us back home? RedRose: Oh, ... until the system kicks us back to our respective homes... silver blade of her baby, replaced by a shining dark...

...… uh… lunch? Like… well, for us, probably evening? Why are you ... was still breathing. What the hell?​ They opened the hatch, yet ... drones froze a bit Oh, hell.​ To them this probably sounded ... quickly gathered fuel: oil, plastic bottles, rags from those same skeletons. ... you go. This is chemistry, baby, — Uzi declared proudly. V stayed ... structure. Yeah… and what the hell was that supposed to mean? — ...

...living room. István took six bottles of Tokaji and aligned them ... was the tutorial... How the hell that little baby was still in one piece, ... kept talking until all the bottles were empty. Then István stared ...she was cleaning the empty bottles and glasses while Mina was ... room while István took two bottles of fütyülős, handed him one ..., it means nothing. But to us... we lost–" István stopped abruptly, ...

... a process to reproduce potion bottles. Simple alchemy, such as smelting... overlap. Between the two of us, we'll figure it out." Plus.... "The Great Work is upon us. You are the people He ... and snatch food from a baby. She closed the lid. Everything ... come from the Ancient Era. Hell, as usual, is the weakest, ...

... a process to reproduce potion bottles. Simple alchemy, such as smelting... overlap. Between the two of us, we'll figure it out." Plus.... "The Great Work is upon us. You are the people He ... and snatch food from a baby. She closed the lid. Everything ... come from the Ancient Era. Hell, as usual, is the weakest, ...

... sorry, Clark. You don't owe us a thing. Jimmy said. Find... enthusiastically. She held up several bottles filled with glowing red liquid.... "So stop bein' a nanny-pantsy baby and punch me." Several orcs... Wall will come to aid us. Especially if it's you." Jon... Dornish minor character! What the hell? He can have Rhoynar water...

...I crossed the distance between us, his hands freezing over...was moving like a drunk baby deer, which was honestly...into smoke and chased after us, phasing through stacks of...dark streets sliding beneath us. Brockton Bay looked almost peaceful... The wind rushed past us. A siren wailed somewhere far... into corners, plastic water bottles, and a bucket that made...lines. It hurt like hell, but the pain was distant...

...I crossed the distance between us, his hands freezing over...was moving like a drunk baby deer, which was honestly...into smoke and chased after us, phasing through stacks of...dark streets sliding beneath us. Brockton Bay looked almost peaceful... The wind rushed past us. A siren wailed somewhere far... into corners, plastic water bottles, and a bucket that made...lines. It hurt like hell, but the pain was distant...

... containers on the side. Sake bottles were collected and taken away ... a good feel for the baby, we chose a name. Something ...の国 Yomi-no-kuni, Land of Hell. You join him and add ... buy anything. But with a baby at hand, did your really .... Your Majesty the Dragon save us! Kami-sama save us! Lord Tanehara Renji save us! Author's note Oh my God. .... 1.5 pages for the baby. 2.5 pages for the ...

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Silver_Salt7600 Originally posted to r/Marriage My wife asked for an open marriage. She is angry at my reaction. I need advice. Trigger Warnings: infidelity, physical assault, emotional manipulation, verbal abuse Original Post: April 11, 2026 We've been married 5 years. No kids. Both 30. Both professionals. was happy. I thought she was too. Things have been tense between us lately and I'm not sure why. Then she sits me down for a "talk" this past Tuesday. I thought she was finally going to tell me what was bothering her. Instead, she gave me a "we're still young and we can try new things speech". Then asks for an open marriage. I was not prepared for that and was just stunned. I couldn't come up with anything to say. I was just shocked at the request. I think she was encouraged and kept selling it to me. By the time she paused for a response I had gotten me head together. I was pissed but kept completely calm and told her in no uncertain terms I was not OK with this. We went back and forth for a little bit, and the conversation began getting angry so we both agreed to put it on the shelf for later when we were calm. You could reach out and touch the bad energy in the house after that. We spoke again last night, and it didn't go well. She was really selling it hard, talked down my objections, called me jealous and controlling and a bunch of other things I probably shouldn't repeat. It really blew up when I finally agreed to it but did it in a VERY nasty way. She took the win though and said, "it will make our marriage stronger". I told her no. This ends with us divorced. She was instantly angry again and asked why I would say that. I told her this goes one of two ways. She will hook up with other men, and I'll hate her for it. And even if that doesn't happen, I'll start dating and meet a woman that wants to have a monogamous relationship with me, and I'll leave you for her. 100%. She completely lost it at that point, threw a glass at me, cursed me out so loud the neighbors came out to see what was going on. I told her if she gets this angry because I'm not ok with my wife f----g other men maybe we should just skip all the BS and separate right now. That’s where this is going anyway. I was FURIOUS at this point. I grabbed my phone, car key, and left. She was still screaming at me as I drove away. So now I'm at the Holiday Inn. I went to the liquor store next door and bought a bottle of Knob Creek and was up half the night drinking it by the pool on ice from a Styrofoam cup. Then walked up to the room and passed out. I woke up an hour ago and have been sitting in the room thinking over my whole f----g life and where it went wrong. She has called more the 20 times, but I have nothing to say to her right now. And even if we did talk where do we even begin to fix this? Can this be fixed? Is going back to talk to her even a good idea? I don't even see what good can come of it. Maybe it really is time to be talking to lawyers. We've always gotten along so well I am at a loss on what to do next. I don't want a divorce but she's asking me for something I can't give. Any advice is appreciated. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: You say you've gotten along so well in the past, but you're also very blase about her throwing shit at you, it seems to me. Have you really? Is this this first time she's gotten abusive with you? A glass to the face could seriously hurt you. Is this the first time she's screamed insults at you? If yes, then maybe this is a sign of a mental health crisis and maybe, with professional help, it could get better. But if, as I suspect, she's displayed these behaviors before, if, then you should leave her. OOP: No nothing like this. She has a bad temper but has never done anything physical. Commenter 2: An open marriage needs two enthusiastic yesses. I agree with other people...she met someone she wants to fuck, or is already fucking them. If it isn't that, she would have come to you at least once with specific things she feels like she's missing....like "I want you to go down on me more". If she asked repeatedly and you never did it, I guess I could see asking to open without a person in mind but just feeling unfulfilled, but you didn't suggest it was anything like this. OOP: I was thinking along these lines myself. We are... or were I guess, pretty active sexually. 3-4 times a week and sometimes all night. There is nothing I wouldn't do for or to her if she wanted it. This just came up out of the blue. A week ago I thought we were doing great. Additional Information from OOP after the comments: OOP: Just answered one of her calls. She's crying and apologizing. She want to sit down and talk. I have a splitting headache/hangover and need a shower. Then I'll go see where things stand with her.   Editor's note: OOP has tried to make an edit onto his original post, but it was locked so he made a separate post Update #1: April 11, 2026 (same day, nine hours later) My Wife asked for open marriage. She is angry at my reaction. I need advice. Previous thread was locked for some reason. My wife asked for an open marriage. She is angry at my reaction. I need advice: r/Marriage I went home and we spoke for a few hours. You guys were right. There is someone else. Someone she works with. She said she hasn't done anything yet but wants to. He's in an open marriage or so she says. I wonder if his wife knows that? Anyway even after all that has happened she still wouldn't let go of it. She said I will never even know it's happening. She won't let it interfere with our lives. Does she seriously think that make it ok? She actually said this would make her a better partner. She said she still loves me and wants to be with me. I was just looking at her than wondering who the hell this person is and what happened to my wife. I told her there is a word for that and she has lost her mind if she thought I'd tolerate it. I told her she's chosen him and now we're done. I told her I'd contact her next week to discuss details. I packed up more of my stuff and went back to the hotel. Our finances are mostly separated, and the house is a rental thank God. I froze the joint credit cards and the joint savings. Is there anything else I need to do? I still can't f----g believe this has happened. 8 years together, 5 married and it's completely destroyed in one day over pure selfishness. I'm going to finish that bottle and hope tomorrow will be better. I doubt it but at least it won't be worse. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Tell the guys wife. He’s definitely cheating. OOP: Probably yeah. Sounds like the kind of BS men say to get a woman in bed. Commenter 2: You should mess with her a bit. One, call the other wife on speaker phone in front of her. Ask her if her marriage is open. Then call her parents and tell them that your marriage is ending and thank them for accepting you into the family, and then tell them you’re sorry your wife chose her affair partner over her husband. Put her in a corner she can’t get out off without telling the truth. Then let her know that he chose someone that just wants in her pants, and she threw her marriage away for nothing. Check your cell phone records for the number of calls and texts between them. OOP: 1) Not getting involved in that whole mess. I don't know who this guy is or who is wife is and to tell you the truth, don't care. To hell with them. 2) Yeah I am going to call them today. That is a great way to do it. Thanks for that idea. 3) I don't care about controlling any kind of narrative. I don't much care what her friends think. Family either really, but they do deserve an explanation. 4) No fault state. Doesn't matter what she did or why she did it. So here phones records and what she did or didn't do mean nothing. Additional Comments from OOP after responding in this first update OOP: Just to answer some questions. I know drowning myself in Kentucky's finest isn't heathy. I don't care. I won't be able to sleep tonight without it. For what it's worth I thought I was lucky to have her. Now I wish I'd never met her. The conversation today started civil an even pleading on her part. It ended in hostility because of course it did. Something that begins in misery tends to end there. You know I think I really hate her now. Tuesday morning I kissed her when I got home from work. If you told me where I'd be four days later I wouldn't have believed it. I don't know who the guy is. And to tell you the truth I don't care. It doesn't change anything. I'm just done. Done with all of it. You guys think she will want to come back? No f----g way. If I were her I'd never be able to look me in the eye after this. I'm just done. + Woke up around 6:30 this morning. Got violently sick. Spent 5 minutes kneeling before the porcelain throne. Felt like total shit. Took a long hot shower. Still felt sick. Room spinning. Then I realized I haven't eaten anything since Friday morning. Walked across the street to Dennys. Had a great breakfast and now working on my second pot of coffee. I feel a little better. I turned my phone back on (obviously because I’m typing this post on it). She texted and left a VM. Didn't read. Didn't listen. Don't care. I'm reading through everyone’s advice. I am so grateful to everyone for the advice and support. In the last thread too. I sent an email to work requesting leave. I can't do my job if I'm distracted or not 100% focused and I' m just not. I made a list of family law practices to call tomorrow morning. According to the law offices of Google, Google, and Google I should be ok. House is rented with only a few months left. We had a joint savings we both contributed to for a down payment on a house. Well, that isn't going to happen. We'll split that I guess. The rest... who knows. She has her salary, retirement, and debt. I have mine. All separate. Someone sent a message and asked if I was worried she might see this. She might. This isn't my real reddit name, but the details are pretty obvious so maybe she will. If YOU (you know who you are) do see this, I don't give a damn. I don't want to know about you or what you do. I'm done. Enjoy your bright future of reckless promiscuity and I hope you find it's worth the price you just paid for it. + I called her folks. She's there and has already told them what she wanted them to hear. I knew right away when her mom said this was a misunderstanding and we can work it out. It didn't get any better from there. The upshot it if she's there, she's not home so I can go get more of my stuff. OOP responds to a comment about his wife's mother and the phone conversation OOP: Her mom thinks my wife just has a crush on someone that she hasn't done anything about and I "flipped out". Mom thinks my reaction is unreasonable. She would be right if that were the truth. I told her to ask my wife isn't telling her the truth. And this isn't a "rough patch". This is the end. I recoded our conversation yesterday afternoon. I told her mom is she want to listen to it I'll send it. OOP's final comment for this original and update posts OOP: I wanted to thank everyone for the advice, encouragement sometimes the laughs. I was in a really dark place, and you all helped me when I needed it. I am very grateful. Hopefully I will have representation lined up tomorrow. I have narrowed the list to three different practices. I hope I can consult with all three tomorrow. My wife and her mother want to meet with me this week to talk things over. I told them we'd talk about it. I am shifting gears and trying to be reasonable. It might make things go smoother. I'll only go if the lawyer agrees. This will be my last update for a while. The shock, anger, and self-pitying time is passed. Now it's time be clear eyed and to follow the process to whatever end it takes us to. The last 48 hours have been the worst. Thank you all for making it more bearable. OOP on if his MIL knows the full story on the open marriage and his wife's thoughts OOP: Not yet. My goal is to hear them out and maybe come to some agreements on separation. I seriously doubt the open relationship demand was discussed and I haven't sent her anything. You know thinking back on the totality of the conversation, I don't think she meant the marriage would be open for me. What set her off was the notion I'd be dating another woman to replace her. Plus other comments. I think she meant for this to be one sided. Maybe I'm overthinking. I didn't really hear her out, Doesn't matter now anyway. No is still no. + Well in all fairness she (editor's note: OOP's wife) never actually said anything like that. She did go on about how her having freedom would benefit me and "us". She didn't really try to sell me on the idea of me having freedom. She did get very angry when I said I'd be dating to replace her. Was she mad at the replacing or the dating? She was really mad at the "no". Like I said. Just a thought I had. And it's a moot point now anyway.   Update #2: April 15, 2026 (four days later) Just an update. I'm moving back home today. I have a lawyer and she has drafted a in home separation agreement. Basically separating our finances. I met with her and MIL last night and we talked it all over. She is still insisting nothing has happened between her and the other guy. She regrets the open marriage suggestion and is promising full transparency on phone and iPad. She is saying everything someone who is trying to save their marriage should. She promised to find a new job if I want. She seems sincere. She told MIL the truth. That she asked for the open marriage. I guess she knew I would if she didn't. Her mother said she "wasn't raised that way". She really seems sincere. Which makes it hard to reconcile with the way she went absolutely batshit crazy last Friday when I refused to agree to the OM. I've agreed to counseling. The lawyer is still preparing a divorce petition that can be filed at any time. I've made it clear we are not OK. That I have one foot out the door. If this marriage can be saved she needs to be the one to do it. I'll meet her in the part of the way, but she will need to come most of the way. And I will NEVER agree to any poly nonsense. Not what I signed up for. I told her plainly if that is what she wants let's save each other a lot of time and effort and tell my lawyer to file. Am I making a mistake? This doesn't commit me to anything, right? The exit door is still open and the path to it is clear. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: You don’t go from zero to a hundred like that. Maybe nothing physical has happened but something definitely has. Have you seen interactions, texts, etc. between them? OOP: No and that concerns me. She has promised full transparency with electronics but the soonest that can happen is tonight. It would be easy to sanitize everything if she hasn't already. I'll never know for sure and THAT bothers me a lot. Commenter 2: One more thing. I don't know where you two stand in children but be careful of her baby trapping you. And get a postnup. OOP: The lawyer said a post-nup would be a waste of time for us. No assets to protect other than a joint savings account we both contribute to. We have our own cards and bank accounts and 401ks. How was the wife's reaction when the meeting took place? OOP: She was very apologetic. Crying though most of it. She said hurting me was the last thing she wanted. She swore up and down on a stack of bibles that nothing happened. Only flirting and then he (the other guy) suggested they go further and that he was in an open marriage and how happy they were with it and all that. She was enamored with the idea and with him and here we are. She didn't think I was really leaving her until she came home from her parents’ house on Sunday and saw more of my stuff was gone. Then the lawyer contacted her after the retainer was paid and she just lost it. She knew it was for real. Or so she says. Her mother is trying to smooth the waters and "get you both talking to each other and not yelling at each other". I'm back home. She's at her parents’ house. She's coming home in a little while. I'll be recording everything she says. Plus separate bedrooms for now. She says she is willing to do anything, full transparency. Commenter 3: So she did have an emotional affair at the very least if she was enamored with him. And her getting so upset that she threw a glass at you. Seems like there may have been more there that she's letting on. I read that there's an open device policy now, but everything will be gone. Is she still going to be working with him? OOP: Her finding other employment is one of three conditions to even attempt to save this. We have a counseling session on Friday. I mean to discuss all three conditions in detail then. Commenter 3: What are the other two conditions? OOP: complete and total honesty. All details, every message and conversation. If I find out six months from now a detail was withheld, I walk. Full access to phones iPad, & laptop   Update #3: April 17, 2026 (two days later) My Wife Asked for an Open Marriage She is Angry at my response. Last Update. This will be the last update on this. I'm done. I'm just completely done. This reconciliation attempt couldn't even make it to the end of day 3. I am not going to be giving exact details. I'm sure you will all understand reasons. I found out two things. Both of which she lied straight to my face about as late as last night. I've seen her iPhone and iPad communications. Nothing there to make you think they have done more than flirting. As bad as that is. Nothing since this all blew up last week. They have another way to communicate and I found it out. That led to the 2nd thing I found. She works in an 8-5, M-F office job. I'm a Firefighter/EMT and I work a 24/48 rotating shift. So three days a week I'm away from home for 24 hours. I'm sure you guys can take those two facts and work the rest out. At this point believing she was not in a physical relationship with this man would be an act of willful stupidity. Which it probably was all along. I cancelled our MC appointment this afternoon. I called the lawyer and told her to proceed. STBXW (now I can really call her that) will be served next week or the week after. I sent the guy that owns the house a letter of non-renewal for the lease. Then I rented a storage space and moved everything I want to keep into it. Most of it was still boxed from last weekend. Then I went back to the house and waited. When she got home about 2 this afternoon. I confronted her with what I had. Her face turned white. You can imagine how the conversation went. She was emotional but even then wouldn't tell me the truth. The closest she got was saying along the lines of "if anything has happened, it's over now". I told her I was done. Done with the lies. Done with the BS. I told her the paperwork will be filed, and she will be served when it's ready. I was expecting more of her famous temper. Maybe she is just done as well. The last bit of the conversation she was in tears. She said she knows she f---d everything up and doesn't even know why she did it. She finally apologized for losing her temper last Friday. She doesn't know why she did that either. She apologized for all of it. Neither of us is happy with this ending. But it can't end any other way when there is no truth and no trust. So back at the Holiday Inn just for tonight. No bourbon this time. I'm miserable. But I knew, as much as I wanted to save it, this wasn't going to end any other way. This is just what had to be done. Thanks everyone for all the advice, encouragement and criticism. In the end you were all pretty much right. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Did you notify the other man's wife? I doubt it really is an open marriage, that's most likely a lie the guy told your STBXW. If you have the copies of the other means of communication, share them with her. She deserves to know. OOP: No but once my paperwork is all in process I am thinking I'll print everything and add a thumb dive with the audio from the conversations I recoded along with a letter explaining everything and FedEx it to her. Commenter 2: They have another way to communicate and I found it out. I realize you are being intentionally vague here. If in the future you have more liberty to reveal their underground form of communication you revealing it would help the knowledgebase of Redditors. I had suggested that she was going to purchase a burner phone to work around the devices she opened up for you to see, and that you check your Wi-Fi router management app. If this is accurate, a simple Y or N would suffice. Thanks. I'm glad your sense of self-respect is healthy; that's not all that common around here. OOP: I found evidence she had a second phone. When checked Wi-Fi usage and saw it on the system at night. And an unknown device on nights I was working last week. It was a bit more complex than that but that is the gist of it. Commenter 3: So, he had his device on the Wi-Fi too when you weren't there? And she still wouldn't admit to anything? How long had it been going on? OOP: That’s kind of an oversimplified explanation. I left a lot of detail out because some of it might make an issue in the divorce. Probably not but not taking a chance. Let’s just say something happened that made me thing there might be a second device. There was. Someone in the comments suggested checking wi-fi and I did but I already knew there was another device somewhere. Commenter 4: Checking Wi-Fi was a good idea. Does it appear everything started around the time of the original conversation or do you think it had been going on awhile before she hit you up with the OM request? OOP: I think it started the day before it first came up. The Tuesday two weeks back. Don't know for sure. It could have been going on a long tike, but I doubt it Commenter 5: Did you let her mother know what you found? OOP: Yeah I sent her an email explaining everything in detail. I asked her to check in on STBXW. She wasn't in a good frame of mind when I left yesterday. Additional responses from OOP after reading comments here OOP: Just woke up. I asked her not to call or text me. Of course she did several times last night. I kept the phone on silent but today I think I'm turning it off altogether. It's weird but I feel a little better today. Lighter maybe. Now the decisions are all made it's like putting down a heavy load you were carrying. I'm going to go for a run, get some chow at Dennys for the LAST time. I've eaten more Denny's food the last week than all the years of my life combined! After all that I'm getting out of town for a few days. Maybe drive up to see my brother and his family. He knows what has been happening and said I needed to come up and go fishing with him and my nephew. I think he's right. Still at my brother's house. She was at the engine house today looking for me. I guess if she was the sort to take a hint or take no for an answer none of us would be here reading about it.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/bitchesbebonkers6 Originally posted to r/ComfortLevelPod My roommate is pregnant with my Ex’s Baby Trigger Warnings: possible grooming, incest, racism My Bf and roommate planned a "surprise” that turned out to be baby supplies: February 17, 2026 My sanity feels like it's spiraling and I have finally convinced myself to come to reddit for the first time. Comfort level pod has always been a channel I’ve adored and love listening to ,so I know y'all got the best advice and I'm ready to hear all of it. Okay, so as y'all know, this past weekend was Valentine's Day. For the past month, me (F24) and my roommate Jackie F25 have been arguing and butting heads because we live in a 2 bedroom apartment and she just found out she was pregnant and claims that she doesn't know who the father is. But she basically wants me to either move out or room in the living room until I can afford to move out. We have lived together for 3 years. She's best friends with my stepsister F26 We're not super close, we're not best friends, but we were close enough to move in together, if you get the idea. Okay, so this past Thursday I got home early from work around, and when I walked in I was just settling down, about to make something to eat, when I see my boyfriend walking toward the door like he's about to leave the apartment. And I say Jaden? M25 and I ask what he was doing here since I had just spoken to him and he said he was on his way to work. He works on the opposite side of town, so he would have no reason to be on this side of town unless he was seeing me, because he also lives on the opposite side of town. He quickly stops and goes, Oh hey babe," and tries to hug me. Well, he's my boyfriend, so obviously I hugged him. And I go What are you doing here? And that's when Jackie comes out she says, "Oh my God, we didn't ruin the surprise, did we?" I was completely dumbfounded. And said, "What do you mean?" And she says, Well, Jaden had a pretty big gift that he couldn't hide in his apartment, so he wanted to hide it here for you for V Day. that was fair because Jaden does live in a studio apartment where he has to share a bathroom and has a Husky, and his place is pretty occupied. So it was a good enough story for me to believe. I just laughed and said I couldn't wait to see it and made a joke about how now I have to up my game on gifts this year because usually we do simple stuff. For context, me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 1/2 years. He rushed out saying that he had to get to work. Everything was going by normal. comes Valentine's Day Me and my bf had planned on doing gift exchanges at my apartment and then going out for dinner and then a movie later on. So he comes over and immediately I'm like, "Me first, me first, because I'm always so excited to give him gifts. I give him a pair of Jordans that he had been constantly talking about, and a gaming headset and monitor. He starts talking about how happy he is and Then comes my turn. I get a bag with Pandora on it and I open it. It's a necklace. Now usually I'm not one for material things, but I will mention that later on after all this happened I did look up the necklace, and the total of this necklace was only 25 bucks and that was just for the pendant. He bought his own chain off Amazon, which was 10 bucks. So I smile and I say thank you, and there was just kind of an awkward silence because I was waiting. And he goes, “What? Why are you looking at me like that? And I laughed and said I know you still have that big gift in Jackie's room. I never saw you take it out, and I can still see it in her room. For context, there is a really big Amazon box in her room that was still taped up, never opened, in the corner of her room. So I assumed obviously that was my gift. He laughs and goes, Oh yeah, that they sent me the wrong thing, so I'll have to take it back. I said, What? What were you trying to get? What did they send? He says that he meant to get me a gaming chair, which is completely off topic considering I don't game. I've never been into gaming. What I actually asked for was a vanity or new acrylic paints. He got really weird. So I said What's in the box? because I can tell when he's lying and it just did not add up. He kept saying I don't know. It's supposed to be a gaming chair, but I have a feeling it's not a gaming chair. I got up and walked into Jackie's room, and I ask her, Do you know what's in that box? It was very clear she felt caught off guard and goes, Well, obviously it's your Valentine's Day gift. So I said, "Let's open it. I open it and low and behold, not a gaming chair. It's an Amazon box that had obviously been retaped over and had multiple smaller packages inside. As I'm opening these packages, it's baby clothes, bottles, diapers basically everything and anything that was baby related. hundreds of dollars’ worth of stuff. So I look at my boyfriend, who is now standing in Jackie's doorway, and I'm just like, What is this? What's going on? Why would you go out of your way to give her all this stuff? I'm so confused. Like when I tell you I was stuck, I was stuck. I had no idea what to do. I'm looking around and they're both looking so dumbfounded and guilty. I asked What is going on? And that's when Jaden just decides to go, "This isn't working. I think we need to end this." He grabs the gifts that I gave him and walks out the door. I start walking behind him. He quickly holds the headphones up in the air because I'm 5'2" and he's a little over 6 feet tall and says, No, it's a gift. No take backs, like we're fucking five. I said, Okay, snatch the box of shoes out of his other hand, and walk back to my apartment, close and lock the door. I walk into Jackie's room. I apologize for the outburst and I just say, Why was he here the other day? Why was he coming out of your room? What is going on? Just tell me the truth. I'm not going to lie, I had been thinking about that day in the back of my mind, but I just didn't put two and two together that they would have been cheating on me. He's never given me a reason to think he would cheat on me. I trusted him. And she goes, with the most blank expression, Jaden is my baby's father. I don't know what got into me. Usually I'm not someone to shut down or not express myself, but I literally had nothing to say to her. I just said, Hope it was worth it, went back to my room, closed the door, and locked it. I smoked myself into a coma. Woke up a few hours later. She was gone. I could tell she had packed up a lot of her clothes. When I get on my phone, the first thing I see is that I've been added to a group chat with Jackie, Jaden, my stepsister, and my stepmother all telling me that Jaden ended the relationship because he needed someone more secure like Jackie. Secure? I've been paying 70% of the rent for the past year. Jackie can't keep a job for the life of her, and I've been picking up all the pieces, putting food on the table. That's hilarious. Secure? More like a headache. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. Not only was it the group chat, but it was also all of them privately messaging me about how we can work through this as a family and that Jaden and Jackie deserve to be happy and that my dad is going to help me find a new place of my own so Jaden can move into the apartment and they can start their family. I said, So my dad knows about this? My stepmom goes, No, but he knows that it's time you and Jackie split apart and you retain your independence as a woman. Long story short, I left the group. It is now Tuesday. I haven't seen or heard from Jackie, Jaden, or my stepmom since. Part of me wants to reach out to my dad because I know he probably doesn't know the full story, but I don't know where to go from this. Any advice? Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Tell your dad the truth. Your step mom and her daughter are shady as hell. Your ex is a loser who put your health at risk. Get tested. I’d tell everyone the truth. Those two should be ashamed of themselves. How pathetic is the other woman to accept such garbage treatment from him. Gross. OOP: Haven't been the closest to my Dad since the divorce but I did reach out to my mom and She has my back 100% and she currently lives a few hours from me And plans on coming down this weekend. And were gonna talk to my dad together, He has had a history of taking my stepsisters/moms Side so it'll be good to have my mom and her partner on my side. OOP responds to multiple comments about taking her roommate to the court for the rent she covered, and collect all documents to provide she covered the amounts and the lease OOP: I thought about this, but do you think I could actually fight it considering how long it’s been? + Collecting evidence as we speak + Yes I am on the lease we both are. Commenter 2: I would suggest you JUST pay your portion of the rent and everything else until you get out of there. Start looking for a new place and talk to your Dad. Tell him you need a father daughter lunch and then spill your guts on everything. Especially the part that your step monster and stepsister are in on the betrayal and siding with the traitors. OOP: Looking into it. Already Contacting landlord regarding Jackie dude to the fact she can’t afford her 1/2 of the bills and our manager as already scheduled an apartment walkthrough and New updated paystubs and Occupants (her baby). Hopefully we can get this All figured out but Jackie already tried reaching out a weeks ago apparently letting my landlord know I would be moving out at the end of our lease in May.....(which is NEVER was Informed my her) meaning she’s been planning all this be the whole fucking time Commenter 3: I'd laugh in his face make him doubt the paternity with all the guys I'd seen her take home. OOP: Which is hilarious considering She claims they've been Together for a year, But she just broke up with her Bf 4 months ago but 20 week pregnant. OOP on her stepmother and Jackie’s relationship OOP: Before my parents’ divorce Jackie and my step sister were best friends when my dad married my stepmom Jackie Soon became more like A 3rd sister....... Bad home life always With us, always Around. Apparently my stepmom sees Jackie more as a daughter than me. Commenter 5: The way your stepmom and stepsister is okay with this means YOUR STEPMOM MIGHT DID THE SAME THING TO YOUR MOM when she’s still with your dad. You know, mistresses can tell each other apart. Even if you’re not close to your dad, tell him the truth. Don’t let them twist the narrative by making themselves a victim of their own story. Ask a lawyer about your lease, ask about your options regarding their slandering (if they went to tell everyone lies about your relationship with your ex) and don’t let them walk into you like that. Go to therapy too because this is a massive betrayal, disrespect, and disappointment. OOP: Funny how you Got everything 100% correct. My Stepmom and dad very much did get married after a 2 year affair behind my mom’s back resulting in my stepmom getting pregnant with my Younger Half-sister (like history just repeating itself at this point.) Which is why I’m so blessed to have my Mother and her partner on my side. My Little brother (WHOLE brother) is even looking to move into the building with his Buddies For safety reasons.   Update #1 (small update): February 19, 2026 (two days later) Okay, I just want to thank everyone for the advice on my last post. I did want to add some context for those who were confused. Yes, my stepmom and my dad had an affair while he was married to my mom for two years. She found out she was pregnant, and that’s when my dad suddenly decided he wanted to “step up” and be a great dad just not to me and my brother. Only to my stepsister and Baby sister (26F and 7F). And yes, my mom is still very much in my life. She lives a few hours away with her partner. There’s distance, but she’s always been there for me. Through all of this, my little brother (22M) has really had my back. I’ve had to stop him from confronting Jaden a few times, but he’s been my support system and has been crashing on my couch for safety reasons. My mom is coming into town so we can talk to my dad and get this lease situation handled. My landlord is doing a room inspection and asking for updated pay stubs and employment verification, which I can provide. I know Jackie is going to struggle with that because she only works 15 hours a week. And Jaden’s only works 25. When I first found out she was pregnant a month ago, she told me she was 10 weeks. She’s super skinny like cheerleader skinny so I couldn’t even tell. I later found out she might actually be 20 weeks. My stepmom said 25. My boyfriend said 21. So clearly somebody is lying. After talking to my brother, even though I don’t want to, I think it might be best for me to move even if it’s just to another building. I don’t like them knowing exactly where I live. Now about the monitor and headset he took. I had one of my male friends reach out to meet up and get it back. He sent pictures both were clearly used, and very obviously looked like his dog chewed up the headset. At that point I said, you know what? You want to break $300 worth of gaming stuff? Fine. I went on Facebook, joined a local moms/selling group, and sold almost everything from that box. I made my $300 back. I told my friend to let Jackie and Jaden know they didn’t have to worry about the $300 anymore because I already got it back. Apparently they went crazy banging on my door while I wasn’t home. (Jackie didn’t take her keys). They were yelling that there was $800 worth of stuff in there. I price-checked it maybe $500 max. But I didn’t care about $500. I just wanted my $300 back, so I lowballed it and sold it. I kept the car seat (because I know it’s mandatory when leaving the hospital) and the pump supplies. Her baby shower is in a few weeks, and my friend joked about regifting it To her as a joke🤣. Yeah, I know Its petty. I’m mad. Call me bitter, I really don’t care anymore. She was also behind on her car payments. I had been helping her because she didn’t want her parents to know and said she’d be embarrassed. I didn’t pay it this month and I’m not helping next month either. They even tried to charge my card, and she requested it I blocked it immediately. Apparently she’s been telling my landlord I plan on moving out in May, which I never said. So that’s fun. I’m hoping to have another update Monday after we talk to the landlord, and my mom gets here so we can handle everything. This whole situation has put a dent in my life and I’m just ready to move on. I promise you that man ain’t cute enough to be tripping over. I’m good off him. Thanks again for the advice, Reddit. P.S. I’m not 100% sure about small claims court. I know how dramatic she is and how dragged out that could get. I don’t have the time or energy for that right now. As long as she agrees to move out, I’m good with how it ended. She can have him. She was never a sister to me, and evidently he was never my man. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: She is not paying her rent or car payment, so who does she expect to pay the bills? Have you talked to your Dad? OOP: Nope apparently my stepmom and stepsister had been helping her as well. Before she broke up with her bf he paid her car note. No I plan on talking to him This weekend. I've went no contact so far he has not attempted to reach out either. Commenter 2: The main question is: Is it really his child? Don't worry, Karma will be knocking soon OOP: No clue and I really don't care at this point it doesn't make a difference either way he cheated they both betrayed me and took advantage of my trust. But who knows because she jus broke up with her bf a few months ago. But considering she's claiming to be over 20 weeks....idk Commenter 3: Is roommate related to step mom? Like why is stepmother soooooo invested in taking this girl and ex boyfriends side? Something ain't right... OOP: Both Jackies mom and My stepmom were friends in Hs/also found out they were both pregnant around the same time so My stepsister and Jackie grew up Together After idk what all happened, but she has drugs problems and my stepmom felt obligated to look over her. Didn't wanna add that bit, but it feels necessary. Commenter 4: Good for you for moving in but why were you basically bankrolling her life? You were literally paying for everything. Grow a backbone next time. OOP: I do have a backbone if I may add. And she was considered "Family" I've known her for 10 years now and Ik her background. Ik She what was going through that's all I’m gonna say. Not here to blast all her problems but I really did Feel Obligated as a "friend" and roomie to help he, same as my stepsister. So u saying to grow a backbone is crazy. I immediately ended it and Moved on the moment I found out all this crazy shit. Ik it doesn't seem like it but at one point she was actually a good friend and he was a Good bf. keyword on WAS. I don't let things drag out u get 1 chance and it's a Wrap. So take it as you will 😊 Commenter 5: Great update. Get the locks changed, get her off the lease. Get a doorbell camera and a new credit card. Put her stuff in garbage bags and drop it at his studio apartment. They are both losers and they deserve each other. OOP: Already working on switching Banks. And yes I do have a ring camera that's how ik They were banging at my door while I wasn't home. I melted and documented that plus all the shit and insults they were yelling at door. And my Brother as a witness bc he was at my apartment when this Shit happened, and they tried kicking in my door till my brother opened the door.   Update #2: February 23, 2026 (four days later) Okay, I know a lot of you have been waiting for an update, so I’m just going to get straight to the point. Every since my last post I’ve been getting nonstop Insults thrown at me from my stepsister and Jackie They've also made multiple post About me And stepsister Said She was disowning me and that me and my brother "just didn't make the cut". Saturday, I invited my dad out to eat at a local place we used to go to when I was a kid. It was just supposed to be me and him, but my mom was there too. I didn’t tell him ahead of time that she would be there. I did, however, ask him not to bring my stepmom because I wanted us to really touch base and because I needed some life advice. At first, he tried to reschedule, but I pushed enough to get him to agree to come. This was a conversation that needed to happen, and it had to happen while my mom was in town. Well, when he showed up, he brought my stepmom anyway. As they were approaching the table, my stepmom was already making comments about how glad she came because I had “ambushed” him by having my mom there. I ignored her and told my dad I was glad he could make it and that we really needed to talk about my living situation with Jackie. Before I could even continue, he started onset how it’s not fair how I’ve been treating Jackie, that I’ve been mean to her, and a bunch of other off-the-wall comments that I’m assuming my stepmom and step sister fed him. So I told him everything from Valentine’s Day up until now. At first, he was quiet, like he was trying to take everything in. Meanwhile, my stepmom kept trying to jump in and tell her side of the story. Eventually, my dad said he needed to go to the bathroom. He was in there for about 30 minutes. During that time, my mom absolutely went in on my stepmom. She didn’t just bring up my situation , she brought up the divorce and how she let this woman ruin her marriage, but she wasn’t going to let her ruin my life too. My mom isn’t loud or dramatic, so I was surprised to see her this way even during the divorce I didn’t see her this angry. My stepmom, on the other hand, just doesn’t know when to shut up. She acts like because she has the marriage and the kids, she’s “won” someone sided battle or something. When my dad finally came out, his eyes were red like he’d been crying. I haven’t seen him like that since the divorce. He hugged me tightly and said he was sorry. That’s when my stepmom stood up and said, “Sorry for what? Your daughter has a lot of growing up to do.” And that’s when my mom told her to shut the fuck up. My dad then said he couldn’t believe all of this was happening under his nose and that he wished I had reached out sooner. But truthfully, even though I didn’t tell him the full story before, I had tried calling and texting him. I mentioned that in some of the comments. I didn’t really get anything back until I pressured him to meet and even then, he still brought my stepmom after I specifically asked him not to. Anyway, that was Saturday morning. I didn’t hear from my dad or stepmom after that. Saturday night, my mom came to my apartment. She’s always been good with finances, so we worked out my budget and started looking at apartments closer to my job. A lot of people asked why I don’t just move closer to my mom, but she lives in a pretty rural area with her partner. I still do online schooling, and my job is really beneficial, and I can’t afford to lose it rn. We got everything figured out. My mom boxed up the baby stuff I hadn’t sold the car seat, the breast pump, a few onesies, and a box of diapers and we dropped it off at Jaden’s apartment. I didn’t see him. I didn’t knock. My mom just left the box at the door, knocked, and walked away. Our landlord did the inspection, and everything came back good on my end. Jackie failed to provide pay stubs or paperwork and has completely ghosted the landlord I think she even blocked the number. They were in the process of evicting her. My mom’s partner was kind enough to offer to pay off the rest of my lease. Thank God. But then Monday morning happened. (this morning) It turns out my stepmom paid to have Jackie’s name removed from the lease before she could be evicted so she could “have a clean start” with her baby. He’s also planning to pay my first month’s rent and deposit for whichever apartment I choose.(or so he claims Doubt it'll happen) This wasn’t what I expected at all, but it’s what happened. On top of that, my dad THEN agreed to co-sign for a 2 bed apartment Jackie and Jaden can move in. My dad makes six times the rent, and Jaden only makes two times, so with my dad co-signing, it works out. I wasn’t thrilled about how all of this happened, but in my head all I heard was: I don’t have to pay for anything. So I signed the papers and went over everything with my landlord and my mom. My mom isn’t happy about it. She feels like this is just enabling them. I asked my dad why he’s being so nice to her and why he still calls Jaden his son. He kept referring to Jaden like he’s his responsibility and that he has to take care of him like tf? For WHAT reason? Jaden has parents. And his parents are well off. Fun fact: my mom actually reached out to Jaden’s parents over the weekend. Turns out they knew he was with Jackie, and apparently I’m “not wife material. and not "Dominican enough For their Family.... Jaden is Dominican My mother is black. My dad is Biracial white/black Stepmom/Stepsis/Jackie are Latina In a way, my dad seems numb to all of this. I haven’t really felt the support I need from him, but honestly, I kind of expected that. When it comes to Jackie and Jaden, they’re two peas in a pod and they deserve each other. Oh, and another fun fact: Jaden’s parents are gonna work on paying off Jackie’s car because his car is a piece of shit and they “need something reliable for the baby.” It’s wild how all this money suddenly appears when it benefits them. Where was all this help when I was the one struggling and helping her? When I was barely making it? It was my mom helping me. Advising me. Doing my budget. My dad was silent. And now suddenly everyone has money and support to throw around. No one’s checked on me or asked me how I feel like my boyfriend cheated on me my roommate ain't close friend got pregnant by him why am I the one being called crazy why is everyone just looking over the fact that he cheated she betrayed my trust this is fucking crazy. It’s all about Jackie and making sure she's not stressed out from her pregnancy. Crazy Mention, but I Hooked up with Tatis("Jackie") fine ass brother and It was a funny as hell Talking shit about you hoes after Cracking.🤣✌🏾 And no there were no souls tied But He was a muncher.🤣✌🏾 Shout out to Dearah and Tati since you wanna Stalk my Post😘 Edit just found out Her due date is Mid-April......so you can go ahead and do the math with that Relevant Comments Commenter: Why is your dad paying for Jackie and Jaden. Neither one are his children, and it seems he didn't really even know what going on. It seems to me the stepmother is making him do this just to spite you OOP: trust me he knows what’s going on, He’s a grown ass man if he’s gonna allow that bitch To control his life that on him.   Update #3: April 13, 2026 (over 1.5 months later) I’m gonna keep this brief because I’m honestly done with this situation and want nothing to do with this crazy, weird ass shit anymore. First off, thank y’all for all the advice. I even saw you guys covered it on the pod, and I really did take everything into consideration. I also had someone DM me saying Jackie made a post on here lying about the whole situation. The account was deleted by the time I saw it, so I have no way of knowing if it was actually her. These past couple of weeks have been the most peaceful my life has been in a while. I moved into my new apartment, and no one except my brother and my mom’s side knows where I live. And no, my dad didn’t give me a dime ,but my mom’s partner really showed up for me when I needed it most. Jaden and Jackie’s apartment didn’t get approved, even with my dad as a cosigner 🤣. They had to work things out with the current landlord, pay extra, and add themselves back onto the lease. So yeah… they’re now living in my old apartment. Also, when Jackie’s brother got his state refund, he gave me $1,000 for everything I dealt with because of his sister. We’ve gone on three dates since then, just taking things slow and enjoying the friendship. Now about the pregnancy Jackie had been lying about her dates this whole time. Over Easter weekend, she had an emergency C-section. The baby is healthy and so is she, and from what I’ve heard, she’s recovering well. Jaden broke up with her three hours after the baby was born. During the delivery, Jackie made Jaden wait in the hallway and had my stepsister in the room instead. Even after the baby was born, she still didn’t want Jaden in there. When his mom showed up and asked why he wasn’t in the room, it turned into an argument. Jackie finally let him come in, but he took one look at the baby and left the hospital. He ghosted her until it was time for her and the baby to go home. My stepsister ended up bringing her home, and Jaden has been MIA ever since. After all of this, my stepsister of all people called me apologizing and told me everything that happened. Jackie’s baby looks exactly like my dad. Edit: I am not in Contact with my dad/stepmom/Jackie for the past couple Weeks. Only reason my Stepsister was able to contact me is bc she was reaching out my bff About me Getting Contact with her asap and Thats When she told me what all went down. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Oh. That was an unexpected twist. But if the baby is your dad’s that explains a lot of things on why he was behaving how he was. Guilt can be a big driving force. But also, can I just say: the cheater got cheated and I think it’s delicious karma and oh so funny. 😂 How is your step mom taking all this? OOP: Literally no idea😂I’m no Contact with her😂 I only know What my Stepsister and Circle tell me. But I do no My dad tried reaching out to my Mom for "advice" my Mom Didn’t Know what advice or what He needed but she quickly reminded him of where there Stood and hung up that phone😂. Damn That probably was the confession🤣. Commenter 2: And also his family that was ok with him cheating because she was Latina. Bet they loved this plot twist. OOP: Which is hilarious because my Stepsister Sent me a Pic of their baby and When I tell you that baby Took ALL my dad features, its hilarious. OOP on the baby looking like her dad's OOP: Bingo√ When you look at my dad He visually has more Black features then, Including his complexion. My dad has light Hazel eyes And 3c hair. Both Jackie and Jaden Have Brown eyes and Naturally Straight and 1C hair. The baby eyes aren’t exactly Hazel but they DEF aint Brown the baby has pretty bright eyes and When comparing the photo to my little Brother they Looked almost identical besides the complexion. And Curly head of dark Brown hair and complexion is darker than Both Jackie and Jaden who are both considered a lighter complexion. Commenter 3: So wait…how long has your step-sister been in your fathers’ realm? If it’s around nine years he could have been grooming Jackie? Your poor brother too! OOP: My moms and dad divorced When I was in middle school. Jackie and my Stepsister were Always together same bus route, Classes, Sports, Neighborhood ALWAYS around. Commenter 4: So she picked a fight with Jaden because she knew that he wasn’t the baby daddy?! Lawd jeezus OOP: Jaden’s Mom was basically calling Jaden a bad dad for not being In there with her and Jaden didn’t Like that comment and They went back and forth, that’s When Jackie Allowed Jaden to Come meet the baby to Stop the argument. Commenter 5: Would love to hear your stepmom left your dad and he had to leave the house and move in with Jackie to take care of their new child. He will live in shame while Jackie's parents will be fully disgusted in more ways than one. It will not surprise me if they completely abandon her after this. What a mess your dad and Jackie has made. Jaden is a pos too but at least he was able to get out of child support and ghost the whole thing.. maybe this chaos will teach him that being a cheater is never worth the drama/shame/hurting others. OOP: Her parents Have ALWAYS been in and out of Jackies life due to addiction problems in the past. Doubt they’ll step up but only time will tell.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP) OOP: u/Silver_Salt7600 Published on: r/Marriage Story is: ONGOING Story timeline Main Post: April 11, 2026 at 15:26 UTC Update 1: April 12, 2026 at 00:05 UTC Update 2: April 15, 2026 Main Post April 11, 2026 at 15:26 UTC My Wife asked for open marriage. She is angry at my reaction. I need advice. We've been married 5 years. No kids. Both 30. Both professionals. was happy. I thought she was too. Things have been tense between us lately and I'm not sure why. Then she sits me down for a "talk" this past Tuesday. I thought she was finally going to tell me what was bothering her. Instead, she gave me a "we're still young and we can try new things speech". Then asks for an open marriage. I was not prepared for that and was just stunned. I couldn't come up with anything to say. I was just shocked at the request. I think she was encouraged and kept selling it to me. By the time she paused for a response I had gotten me head together. I was pissed but kept completely calm and told her in no uncertain terms I was not OK with this. We went back and forth for a little bit and the conversation began getting angry so we both agreed to put it on the shelf for later when we were calm. You could reach out and touch the bad energy in the house after that. We spoke again last night and it didn't go well. She was really selling it hard, talked down my objections, called me jealous and controlling and a bunch of other things I probably shouldn't repeat. It really blew up when I finally agreed to it but did it in a VERY nasty way. She took the win though and said "it will make our marriage stronger". I told her no. This ends with us divorced. She was instantly angry again and asked why I would say that. I told her this goes one of two ways. She will hook up with other men and I'll hate her for it. And even if that doesn't happen, I'll start dating and meet a woman that wants to have a monogamous relationship with me, and I'll leave you for her. 100%. She completely lost it at that point, threw a glass at me, cursed me out so loud the neighbors came out to see what was going on. I told her if she gets this angry because I'm not ok with my wife f----g other men maybe we should just skip all the BS and separate right now. Thats where this is going anyway. I was FURIOUS at this point. I grabbed my phone, car key, and left. She was still screaming at me as I drove away. So now I'm at the Holiday Inn. I went to the liquor store next door and bought a bottle of Knob Creek and was up half the night drinking it by the pool on ice from a styrofoam cup. Then walked up to the room and passed out. I woke up an hour ago and have been sitting in the room thinking over my whole f----g life and where it went wrong. She has called more the 20 times but I have nothing to say to her right now. And even if we did talk where do we even begin to fix this? Can this be fixed? Is going back to talk to her even a good idea? I don't even see what good can come of it. Maybe it really is time to be talking to lawyers. We've always gotten along so well I am at a loss on what to do next. I don't want a divorce but she's asking me for something I can't give. Any advice is appreciated.   COMMENTS Hopeful-Essay695 You say you've gotten along so well in the past, but you're also very blase about her throwing shit at you, it seems to me. Have you really? Is this this first time she's gotten abusive with you? A glass to the face could seriously hurt you. Is this the first time she's screamed insults at you? If yes, then maybe this is a sign of a mental health crisis and maybe, with professional help, it could get better. But if, as I suspect, she's displayed these behaviors before, if, then you should leave her. OOP No nothing like this. She has a bad temper but has never done anything physical. Lereas An open marriage needs two enthusiastic yesses. I agree with other people...she met someone she wants to fuck, or is already fucking them. If it isn't that, she would have come to you at least once with specific things she feels like she's missing....like "I want you to go down on me more". If she asked repeatedly and you never did it, I guess I could see asking to open without a person in mind but just feeling unfulfilled, but you didn't suggest it was anything like this. OOP I was thinking along these lines myself. We are... or were I guess, pretty active sexually. 3-4 times a week and sometimes all night. There is nothing I wouldn't do for or to her if she wanted it. This just came up out of the blue. A week ago I thought we were doing great. COMMENT UPDATE - After 2 hours Just answered one of her calls. She's crying and apologizing. She want to sit down and talk. I have a splitting headache/hangover and need a shower. Then I'll go see where things stand with her. Update 1 - after 9 hours April 12, 2026 at 00:05 UTC My Wife asked for open marriage. She is angry at my reaction. I need advice. part 2 I went home and we spoke for a few hours. You guys were right. There is someone else. Someone she works with. She said she hasn't done anything yet but wants to. He's in an open marriage or so she says. I wonder if his wife knows that? Anyway even after all that has happened she still wouldn't let go of it. She said I will never even know it's happening. She won't let it interfere with our lives. Does she seriously think that make it ok? She actually said this would make her a better partner. She said she still loves me and wants to be with me. I was just looking at her than wondering who the hell this person is and what happened to my wife. I told her there is a word for that and she has lost her mind if she thought I'd tolerate it. I told her she's chosen him and now we're done. I told her I'd contact her next week to discuss details. I packed op more of my stuff and went back to the hotel. Our finances are mostly separated, and the house is a rental thank God. I froze the joint credit cards and the joint savings. Is there anything else I need to do? I still can't f----g believe this has happened. 8 years together, 5 married and it's completely destroyed in one day over pure selfishness. I'm going to finish that bottle and hope tomorrow will be better. I doubt it but at least it won't be worse. OOP ADDED SMALL CLARIFICATION IN THE COMMENTS Just to answer some questions. I know drowning myself in Kentucky's finest isn't heathy. I don't care. I won't be able to sleep tonight without it. For what it's worth I thought I was lucky to have her. Now I wish I'd never met her. The conversation today started civil an even pleading on her part. It ended in hostility because of course it did. Something that begins in misery tends to end there. You know I think I really hate her now. Tuesday morning I kissed her when I got home from work. If you told me where I'd be four days later I wouldn't have believed it. I don't know who the guy is. And to tell you the truth I don't care. It doesn't change anything. I'm just done. Done with all of it. You guys think she will want to come back? No f----g way. If I were her I'd never be able to look me in the eye after this. I'm just done.   COMMENTS Realistic-Duty-3874 Tell the guys wife. Hes definitely cheating. OOP Probably yeah. Sounds like the kind of BS men say to get a woman in bed. SteelBird223 On a far, far darker note. The balls that bitch has on her is pretty fucking impressive. Calling her new man over just hours after her husband stormed out. I would love to see the call records on just how fast she called him. OOP I don't even care if she did. I'm done. I don't know that woman in our house. She's a complete f----g stranger to me now. Negative_Shower_568 Do not get drunk tonight. If you are still able to, drive by your house and see if she's there and if she is, see if she has a visitor. You might have just opened the door for her to find her new freedom. And if there's a visitor you'll know his car and license plate. Take pictures. This way you will know for sure. OOP Very drunk. And IDGAF if she brings him over and f---ks him on the furniture. And his wife too. She's not my wife anymore. The rest is just paperwork now SMALL UPDATE - 1 IN COMMENTS - after 13 hours from last update Comment update 1 Woke up around 6:30 this morning. Got violently sick. Spent 5 minutes kneeling before the porcelain throne. Felt like total shit. Took a long hot shower. Still felt sick. Room spinning. Then I realized I haven't eaten anything since Friday morning. Walked across the street to Dennys. Had a great breakfast and now working on my second pot of coffee. I feel a little better. I turned my phone back on (obviously because im typing this post on it). She texted and left a VM. Didn't read. Didn't listen. Don't care. I'm reading through everyones advice. I am so grateful to everyone for the advice and support. In the last thread too. I sent an email to work requesting leave. I can't do my job if I'm distracted or not 100% focused and I' m just not. I made a list of family law practices to call tomorrow morning. According to the law offices of Google, Google, and Google I should be ok. House is rented with only a few months left. We had a joint savings we both contributed to for a down payment on a house. Well, that isn't going to happen. We'll split that I guess. The rest... who knows. She has her salary, retirement, and debt. I have mine. All separate. Someone sent a message and asked if I was worried she might see this. She might. This isn't my real reddit name but the details are pretty obvious so maybe she will. If YOU (you know who you are) do see this, I don't give a damn. I don't want to know about you or what you do. I'm done. Enjoy your bright future of reckless promiscuity and I hope you find it's worth the price you just paid for it.   COMMENTS KelceStache You should mess with her a bit. One, call the other wife on speaker phone in front of her. Ask her if her marriage is open. Then call her parents and tell them that your marriage is ending and thank them for accepting you into the family, and then tell them you’re sorry your wife chose her affair partner over her husband. Put her in a corner she can’t get out off without telling the truth. Then let her know that he chose someone that just wants in her pants, and she threw her marriage away for nothing. Check your cell phone records for the amount of calls and texts between them. OOP Not getting involved in that whole mess. I don't know who this guy is or who is wife is and to tell you the truth, don't care. To hell with them. Yeah I am going to call them today. That is a great way to do it. Thanks for that idea. I don't care about controlling any kind of narrative. I don't much care what her friends think. Family either really, but they do deserve an explanation. No fault state. Doesn't matter what she did or why she did it. So here phones records and what she did or didn't do mean nothing. OOP I called her folks. She's there and has already told them what she wanted them to hear. I knew right away when her mom said this was a misunderstanding and we can work it out. It didn't get any better from there. The upshot it if she's there, she's not home so I can go get more of my stuff. Brief_Hippo5187 Hard to believe her mom would say it could be worked out. What was her version? Did she actually tell them she wanted an open marriage and had a guy already lined up? Did you tell them what she actually wanted? OOP Her mom thinks my wife just has a crush on someone that she hasn't done anything about and I "flipped out". Mom thinks my reaction is unreasonable. She would be right if that were the truth. I told her to ask my wife isn't telling her the truth. And this isn't a "rough patch". This is the end. I recoded our conversation yesterday afternoon. I told her mom is she want to listen to it I'll send it. SMALL UPDATE - 2 IN COMMENTS - after 7 hours from last update Comments update 2 I wanted to thank everyone for the advice, encouragement sometimes the laughs. I was in a really dark place, and you all helped me when I needed it. I am very grateful. Hopefully I will have representation lined up tomorrow. I have narrowed the list to three different practices. I hope I can consult with all three tomorrow. My wife and her mother want to meet with me this week to talk things over. I told them we'd talk about it. I am shifting gears and trying to be reasonable. It might make things go smoother. I'll only go if the lawyer agrees. This will be my last update for a while. The shock, anger, and self-pitying time is passed. Now it's time be clear eyed and to follow the process to whatever end it takes us to. The last 48 hours have been the worst. Thank you all for making it more bearable.   COMMENTS Brief_Hippo5187 I doubt you're wife will change her mind on the open marriage. If she does I don't think she can be trusted not to cheat with the other man. Does her mother know the full story now? Did she listen to the recording you have? OOP Not yet. My goal is to hear them out and maybe come to some agreements on separation. I seriously doubt the open relationship demand was discussed and I haven't sent her anything. You know thinking back on the totality of the conversation, I don't think she meant the marriage would be open for me. What set her off was the notion I'd be dating another woman to replace her. Plus other comments. I think she meant for this to be one sided. Maybe I'm overthinking. I didn't really hear her out, Doesn't matter now anyway. No is still no. Brief_Hippo5187 Just when i thought it couldn't be any worse. That's crazy. How could she ever think you'd be ok with that? How selfish can she be? Can you imagine the look on her Mom's face when it comes out what your wife is really asking for? Stay strong. Sadly divorce is still your best and probably only option. At least there's no kids involved. Please keep us posted through it all. OOP Well in all fairness she never actually said anything like that. She did go on about how her having freedom would benefit me and "us". She didn't really try to sell me on the idea of me having freedom. She did get very angry when I said I'd be dating to replace her. Was she mad at the replacing or the dating? She was really mad at the "no". Like I said. Just a thought I had. And it's a moot point now anyway. Update 2 - after 3 days from last post April 15, 2026 My Wife asked for open marriage. She is angry at my reaction. I need advice. part 3 Just an update. I'm moving back home today. I have a lawyer and she has drafted a in home separation agreement. Basically separating our finances. I met with her and MIL last night and we talked it all over. She is still insisting nothing has happened between her and the other guy. She regrets the open marriage suggestion and is promising full transparency on phone and iPad. She is saying everything someone who is trying to save their marriage should. She promised to find a new job if I want. She seems sincere. She told MIL the truth. That she asked for the open marriage. I guess she knew I would if she didn't. Her mother said she "wasn't raised that way". She really seems sincere. Which makes it hard to reconcile with the way she went absolutely batshit crazy last Friday when I refused to agree to the OM. I've agreed to counseling. The lawyer is still preparing a divorce petition that can be filed at any time. I've made it clear we are not OK. That I have one foot out the door. If this marriage can be saved she needs to be the one to do it. I'll meet her in the part of the way but she will need to come most of the way. And I will NEVER agree to any poly nonsense. Not what I signed up for. I told her plainly if that is what she wants let's save each other a lot of time and effort and tell my lawyer to file. Am I making a mistake? This doesn't commit me to anything right? The exit door is still open and the path to it is clear.   COMMENTS First_Pie209 You dont go from zero to a hundred like that. Maybe nothing physical has happened but something definitely has. Have you seen interactions, texts, etc between them? OOP No and that concerns me. She has promised full transparency with electronics but the soonest that can happen is tonight. It would be easy to sanitize everything if she hasn't already. I'll never know for sure and THAT bothers me a lot. Brief_Hippo5187 What exactly was the meeting like with your wife and mother in law? They removed your update? OOP She was very apologetic. Crying though most of it. She said hurting me was the last thing she wanted. She swore up and down on a stack of bibles that nothing happened. Only flirting and then he (the other guy) suggested they go further and that he was in an open marriage and how happy they were with it and all that. She was enamored with the idea and with him and here we are. She didn't think I was really leaving her until she came home from her parents house on Sunday and saw more of my stuff was gone. Then the lawyer contacted her after the retainer was paid and she just lost it. She knew it was for real. Or so she says. Her mother is trying to smooth the waters and "get you both talking to each other and not yelling at each other". I'm back home. She's at her parents house. She's coming home in a little while. I'll be recording everything she says. Plus separate bedrooms for now. She says she is willing to do anything, full transparency. Brief_Hippo5187 So she did have an emotional affair at the very least if she was enamored with him. And her getting so upset that she threw a glass at you. Seems like there may have been more there that she's letting on. I read that there's an open device policy now but everything will be gone. Is she still going to be working with him? OOP Her finding other employment is one of three conditions to even attempt to save this. We have a counseling session on Friday. I mean to discuss all three conditions in detail then. Brief_Hippo5187 What are the other two conditions? OOP complete and total honesty. All details, every message and conversation. If I find out six months from now a detail was withheld, I walk. Full access to phones ipad, & laptop Brief_Hippo5187 One more thing. I don't know where you two stand in children but be careful of her baby trapping you. And get a postnup. OOP The lawyer said a post-nup would be a waste of time for us. No assets to protect other than a joint savings account we both contribute to. We have our own cards and bank accounts and 401ks.   LATEST BORU   This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP) Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading. Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved. submitted by /u/BigONerd to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/irritableseebass AITA for emergency breastfeeding my best friend's baby Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole TRIGGER WARNING: Postpartum depression Original Post - rareddit Oct 21, 2019 My best friend of ten years gave birth to her first child about eight weeks ago. She never wanted kids and she disconnected from her pregnancy and never really connected to the baby after he was born either. She has really bad postpartum depression so I've been trying to help, however I gave birth to my second child about two weeks after she had her baby so I'm needed at home with my family. I could tell she was getting stressed so I offered to take the baby for a day so she could have downtime. She brought him over and we put the babies together. Her son has a really bad digestion problem so he can't ingest regular formula, only breastmilk or special formula. She doesn't breastfeed so he takes the special formula. I asked her if she had packed diapers, wipes, a change of clothes, and bottles in his diaper bag and she said yes. Then she left. For the first three hours everything was fine, the babies chilled out together, we all played, I put on some music and danced around for them. My baby needed a feed so I fed her and then about thirty minutes later Best Friend's baby needed a feed. I went to fix him a bottle and realized she hadn't packed his formula. When I asked if she had packed bottles she answered literally, but I never specified if she packed formula as well, I thought it was given. *My baby is exclusively on breastmilk right now and everything I have is frozen and it takes time for frozen milk to unfreeze. I tried calling her about four times and she kept sending me to voicemail so I text her. She had read receipts on so I know she saw my texts. I kept trying to call and she just wouldn't answer me. I couldn't go to the store and get a jar of formula because she didn't leave me his car seat and I only had my infant's seat. My older child is seven and doesn't need an infant seat anymore. I don't know my neighbors and other than my husband I don't have family in the area. At this point the baby was crying and screaming so hard I thought he might get sick or hurt. So I sat down and breastfed him myself. I'm completely healthy, just got a flu shot and a clean bill of health from both my OB and my GP and I have no diseases so the baby was not at risk for anything. Best Friend finally returned three and a half hours later. I remained calm but told her that she can't leave her child with someone and not answer when that person calls and texts because it might actually be a serious emergency; and that she also hadn't packed any of the baby's special formula. I told her how badly he got upset and how worried I was so I breastfed him myself. She freaked out on me and accused me of some horrible things and then left. She blocked me on social media, something I learned when a mutual friend told me Best Friend was saying some awful things about me online. I don't know what to do, I can't even talk to her about this. I thought I was doing the right thing but maybe I was wrong. AITA? ETA: I busted wanted to let everyone know, because I could not due to the character-count restrictions, one of our mutual friends already placed a call to CPS a few weeks ago. We have several friends who are also worried about her but were unable to come help me when this happened. She gets two wellness visits a week at her home from a caseworker and she's been ordered to seek mental health help. *I'm brand new at breastfeeding, didn't do it with my older child due to illness, and I'm still learning about everything. I received three free sessions with a lactation consultant while in the hospital and nothing since. ETA: When I say in the post I had no one who could come and help me, I mean it. Like, dead serious. My husband and I moved to this town right before we got married and our family is all back on the West Coast. We have a small group of friends, all of whom were either at work or unable to come at that moment. We're a small town, we don't have Uber, hell, Dominos Pizza doesn't even deliver out here. I don't know my neighbors. I'm not even sure what my closest neighbors names are. We're farm country. The nearest neighbor is a mile up the road. Even my husband couldn't leave work. ETA: I've had some really helpful and uplifting comments, and naturally a troll and a couple Armchair MDs, but I've got a sick seven year old, a baby eager for her 3 am snack, and a husband who is currently passed out on the floor using a dog toy as a pillow, and I need some sleep, so I'm gonna sign off. Thanks everyone who helped and I will come back later on and respond further. Good night! ETA: I lost my temper on a few folks and have been banned for 7 days so I cant answer direct questions. Here are few big ones: 1. Where is baby's father- dead, drugs, not a good person, conception was less than good. 2. Why didnt I express milk or thaw a bag- I've literally answered this question a blue billion times both in the post and in the comments so I'm not answering it anymore. 3. Have I called CPS- no, because CPS is already investigating her on unrelated issues however, the mutual friend mentioned in the post told the caseworker, so CPS is aware of all incidents. 4. Not important but I got an article in a newspaper about this so I feel interesting. 5. Best Friend called CPS on me and reported me for the above post so I'm dealing with that now. ETA: made the front page... VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE RELEVANT COMMENTS BigsChungi This story is wild. I'd honestly prefer this over starving my child. Your friend had a very odd reaction... NTA. OOP I honestly and truly think she's just really really stressed right now and this reaction might be a manifestation of her own fears and feelings. I'm really just hurt and upset that we can't even talk about it. wetcardboardsmell You can worry and be upset, but your friend sounds like she is suffering from intense postpartum psychosis and, or, postpartum depression and anxiety. I can't imagine leaving my child with somebody and not checking my phone or not sending them with literally everything they need, food obviously for an infant with special dietary needs. Please dont take it personally. Try really hard to know you did everything you could and you FED THE BABY which is the most important thing here. I'm sorry your friend is struggling. I hope she gets help. NTA. Update Nov 26, 2019 (5 weeks later) Well hello! Since my post, CPS did come and speak to us. I gave the two workers who came out a full tour of the house, I let them speak to my older daughter, they interacted with the baby, they played with the dog, they interviewed my husband and myself, and we were given the all-clear. I showed them my post and let them read some of the comments. I wasn't disciplined or anything and they told us that unless they get a call about us again we'll probably never hear from them again. I mentioned in my post and comments that I had never received proper breastfeeding and lactation help, well that changed too. I got a message from a lactation consultant who actually lives an hour away from me. She made the drive five straight days to come and coach me, gave me some really great literature and tips, so I'm up-to-date on breastfeeding now. My baby is thriving and gorgeous, the dog loves her to death. As for my former best friend; she saw the post, she unblocked me and called me and we talked. She got mental help and hired a nanny, as well, and she seems to be on the road to doing much better. She apologized for everything, and I apologized for my part in it. However, I told her we could never be friends again. Maybe I could have forgiven her for that day she left her baby son with me but I could never forgive her for calling CPS on me. I could have lost my kids. So we are no longer in contact but she's not talking trash about me anymore. Anyway, that is what has been happening since my post. It's been an active month for me. We've all had a stomach bug, and the dog got his balls cut off (finally). My husband got a vasectomy that he's currently recovering from, and I lost ten pounds! Thanks for listening! THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/waitwhatohno Me [28 F] with my SO [28 M]; he cheated on me with my step sister [27 f], and she's pregnant with his kid. TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity, mentions drunk driving, alcoholism, death of a parent, ableism, gaslighting Original Post July 18, 2015 He (Adam) says he was drunk (we've been together for 10 years and finally got engaged and planning on getting married in a year and starting a family in a few years), and she (Betty) took advantage of him...the first time. Adam doesn't have an excuse for the handful of other times they slept together over a three month period. I knew she was pregnant; I've already been roped by my mom into co-hosting the baby shower with my other step sister (Claire, 30). I don't know if it's shock or what, but I'm so fucking glad I haven't given Claire my share for the expensive jogging stroller we're getting Betty, or my half of the baby shower cost. Betty told everyone the father is an ex-boyfriend who doesn't want anything to do with her or the kid. She makes a ton of money, she'd be fine as a single mother and my mom would help a ton since she's retired and bored and wants a Dugger families worth of grandchildren. Adam confessed everything because his dad walked out on him and his mom when he was a toddler, so he wants to be a father to his child, but still be with me because he loves me and made a mistake. I told him to get the fuck out of my apartment (thank fuck we don't live together right now. We've lived together previously, but his mom wasn't doing well so he moved in with her. His mom is fine now, so apparently he used his new found free time to fuck my step sister. Although a bunch of his crap is at my apartment because he was supposed to be moving in in like a month and was bringing crap over slowly,) and called my mom and told her who the real father of Betty's baby is, just because she's my mother and she'll listen to me cry. ........... She fucking knew already reddit!! Apparently, in a fit of sadness over missing her deceased mother (who died when she was like 2), Betty told my mother. They all (mom, Claire, and my step-father) have fucking have known for months. Months. Meanwhile, I'm over here killing myself trying to find the perfect floral arrangement for the tables for Betty's baby shower, because I'm trying to be all sisterly and shit, and being the bigger person because sure as hell, Betty wouldn't put half as much effort into my babyshower if I were having one and she was hosting or cohosting it. Or half as much money, even though she makes a shit load more then me. My own mother couldn't fucking tell me that my fucking fiance fathered my fucking step-sister's fucking baby. No, in fact, she fucking guilt tripped me into being a co-host for the babyshower as soon as she found out Betty was pregnant. I think before she found out Adam was the father. I think. Mom, apparently...well, the general gist is, she want's us all to get along and be a family, and it doesn't matter about the past, it just matters about the new life in the family. That she knows I'm upset and hurt, but I need to work on my relationships with Adam (since we've been together 10 years and I wouldn't want to throw that away over a mistake) and Betty (since we're sisters and have been since we were kids) and figure out how to be the bigger person and put my feelings aside for the sake of the kid and our family. I've always been the bigger person with Betty, from the very moment we were first introduced at the tender ages of 10 and 9, and she refused to give me my favorite stuffed animal back. And, even then, mom felt bad for her and let her get away with being a brat, and she got to take Mrs. Snuffles home while I had to suck it up and be the bigger person. She probably still has poor Mrs. Snuffles in some box in my mom and step fathers attic, a trophy for her first of many victories over me. I hung up on my mother. And here I am posting on reddit. I don't want to be Betty's kids step mother. I don't think I can forgive Adam; he knows what Betty's like, and how our relationship is. Hell, I don't even know if I can forgive my mom, and she's like, my mom. She was a great mother, one of my best friend's. The only wrong things about her was her nasty habit of pitying Betty and letting her get away with murder, and her crappy knitting that she always gives as gifts. I just...I don't know how she can justify this betrayal in anyway. It wasn't me that screwed up ten years of a relationship, or mine and Betty's supposed sisterly bond, it was them. Maybe I should talk to her and ask if someone's slipped crazy pills in her food the last few months, or maybe she's getting early dementia or something? Fuck I don't know. I keep looking at the text message from Claire she sent me way too fucking early this morning asking when I was giving her my share of the $800 jogging stroller we're getting Betty and my share of the babyshower costs that's going to be worth a crappy craigslist car. Edit: Is it wrong to reply telling her to go fuck herself? Because I did. We put all the crap on her credit cards, and she's in school and working a crappy retail job and I feel bad for leaving her the huge ass debt over $3000, but I keep telling myself she can return the stroller, cancel stuff, sell the stuff that can't be returned, and probably my step dad and mom will help her with the rest. Another Edit: I mass texted our friends telling them that Adam was a cheating bastard who was Betty's baby-daddy. We've been together so long that all of our friends are friends with us both. The only people I'm friends with who aren't friends with him too are basically just acquaintances I don't feel comfortable talking about this with. Then I turned my phone off. I swear to god, if any of them knew, or take his side....What if all of them knew? God. Tomorrow my mom's out of the house at her weekly volunteering gig, and I'm going to go over to their house. I have a key, but chances are if my step dad is home he'll let me in and go back to watching tv. Great man. My step-sister's got a woman who tried to mother them without replacing their mother, and over compensating like hell, I got a I got a dude that will occasionally nod at me, and sometimes give me a deal on rent when the family plays monopoly. I've got stuff in the attic that I was keeping their until I had a house of my own, plus I want to find Mrs. Snuffles. Oh, and I'm going to raid my mom's jewelry box. Which sounds bad, I know; but I'll only take the stuff my grandmother left me, I promise! I was letting my mom borrow it because I felt bad my grandma willed it all to me and skipped her (mom's an only child), and figured I'd just get it back when my mom died in forty years. Which I will freely admit is fucking stupid of me, because I could just see Betty whining that she didn't have any grandmother's to leave her jewelry and that it isn't fair. And probably my grandma knew what she was doing leaving it to me instead. I wish she was alive, she'd tear my mom a new one. Hopefully everything will be there and she won't be wearing anything. I don't know what I'm going to do yet, but I want it just in case. I don't think she'd like, give any of it to Betty or Claire or anything, but I also didn't think she'd fucking betray me like this, soooo. It's my jewelry. She's borrowing it indefinitely, I just kinda figured I'd let her keep it until she died because it was her mom's, but it's mine. I can't trust her not to give any of it to Claire or Betty, and I don't want to have to talk to her if I decide to never speak to her again, so I'm getting it tomorrow. We both know it's mine, it's not stealing to decide not to loan it to her anymore. It means a lot to me, so I'm for sure getting it. Thank you for all your comments and advice so far, I'm going to go to bed and see what tomorrow brings me. Hopefully all my jewelry, Mrs. Snuffles, and messages from every one of my friends saying they're never speaking to Adam again because he's a bastard, they won't forgive me if I take him back, and none of them had any idea. Edited again I'm a really bad person. I texted Betty. "I hope your baby is born with down syndrome, which will be an interesting combination with the fetal alcohol syndrome it's got a 90% chance of having since you drink more then your mother ever dreamed of drinking." And then I followed that up with a text calling her a cunt. And then another one that just said whore. Her mom died in a car crash she caused by drinking and driving. And Betty is the type of person who has expressed more then once that people with disabilities like down syndrome should just be killed because they don't have any use and are a drain on society. I feel kinda bad...partly because it's shitty things to say to anyone, and I'm a better person then that, and partially because reading that back I don't really think that's much of an insult or anything, really. But what do I know, I've never been pregnant, maybe it'll make her cry. (And thanks to her, I'm probably not going to be pregnant any time soon! ) I turned my phone off again and to keep it off I tossed it on top of the top of the kitchen cupboards that I can't reach without a chair, and I'm for sure going to bed now. What the fuck do I do? tl;dr: Fiance fucked my step-sister, she's pregnant, my mother knew and wants us all to be a big happy family because she's got grandbaby fever and always takes Betty's side. Fucking Betty wrecked our shared car as teenagers and I still had to pay half the replacement cost because it "wasn't fair" for just Betty to replace it. I'm well on my way to getting drunk enough to go rescue Mrs. Snuffles from her attic prison if fucking Betty hasn't thrown her away. Update Aug 17, 2015 (1 month later) Last month I posted https://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3dpnlb/me_28_mf_with_my_so_28_m_he_cheated_on_me_with_my/ TLDR is that my Fiance confessed that he was the father of my step-sister's baby. My mom, other step-sister, and step-father all knew. Mom had guilt tripped me into co-hosting the baby shower (before she found out), and my share for it and the present would have been roughly $1500. I kept my relationship with Betty cool as soon as I turned 18 and moved out to go to college. We don't really have that sisterly bond, it's more like "cousins you see at family reunions" bond. We tolerate each other. She knows I think she's a spoiled brat, and I know she thinks I'm a bitch because I won't take shit from anyone and will call her or anyone out on their shit. Mom's the only person I cave to and allow myself to be guilted into crap and walked all over for; I am not a wall flower, or welcome mat, or anything. So yeah. A lot of you said to cut them all off, and if I read my post that'd be my advice too. Like I said, I don't take shit: I completely stopped being friend's with my BFF since I was 8 when I was 22 because she was staying with me for a month and kept smoking in my apartment even when I asked not to, then got bitchy when I bluntly told her she was being a jerk, (and in general I just didn't like the person she was growing into.) So, first: The day after my post I went to my mom's house. No one was home, and I used my key. I grabbed my jewelry, and the boxes of random crap I had sitting in the attic. I looked for Mrs. Snuffles, but I couldn't find her. I searched all of the Betty boxes, and the Claire boxes to just to be sure. I'm pretty sure their dog at the time destroyed her. I doubt Betty would have kept her all these years. I may or may not have cut up all of Betty's photos I found. Whoops, was that a photo of your mom? Well, I'm sure Claire has photos of her plus you have my mom now sooo you'll be fine. (No, I'm not proud of that, but, well, they're sitting in the attic anyway, and much like Adam, I had a lapse of judgment. I lapsed so hard I grabbed the kitchen scissors on my way to the attic.) I will admit, a month later, I feel pretty crappy I did that. But the day after I was still really raw, and pissed and yeah. When I got home, I finally checked my phone. There was a shit ton of messages from Mom, Claire and Betty that I deleted without really reading -even an hour afterwards I couldn't have told you what they said, but I bet in general I could guess. The messages I got from my friends were really disappointing. Like I said, they were all mutual friends that have never known Adam and I separate from a couple, and most of the replies were "we care about you both." Only a couple said he was a bastard or anything. One person, in fact, knew. Adam had told his BFF like a week before he told me, and his BFF strongly encouraged him to tell me. A lot of you weren't very kind about speaking about my mother. Understandably; but she's not a narcissist, or a bad person really. She's too kind, and when she married my step-father she felt really bad for my step-sisters, and took it to extremes. Like I said, she was my best friend and I had even been toying with the idea of making her my matron of honor if we decided to have a wedding verses just going to Vegas, which we were seriously considering. I met my mother for lunch at restaurant. She was upset with me for taking my jewelry without telling her, saying I should have left a note because she just about had a heart attack when she got home and my stuff was gone. I told her she should have told me as soon as Betty left that Adam was the father of her baby. She said she hadn't want to get involved, or in the middle, and by telling me when either Adam or Betty should have would have meant she was involved; plus she was in shock that Betty had told her that, and wasn't really thinking about me. I told her that happened most of the time when Betty was involved ever since we were first introduced. She tried to convince me to take Adam back; that I shouldn't waste our ten years together. I told her that Adam was the one who choose to throw away ten years. She did tell me that she hadn't known when she'd momed me into co-hosting that Adam was the father, and that she and my step-father would cover my share of the gift/shower. I told her that I was her daughter, she gave birth to me, and I was not going to ever be able to forgive Betty, so if Mom wanted to keep being my mother, she needed to pick me for once. She said she couldn't do that, that she had been Betty's only mother figure, and she wholly considered Betty her daughter; and she really didn't want to get involved still. That if she had given birth to all three of us, her decision would still be the same. I told her that I was very sorry to hear that, and I wished her well; I'd call her every now and then, but I was not going to see her much or attend family gatherings; nor would any children of mine know my step-family. She said she was sorry to hear I was deciding that, and that she hoped I'd forgive and forget eventually and not tear the family apart. I told her I was disappointed in her, but not particularly surprised, and Betty was the one who fucked my fiancé, and tore the family apart. Then I said goodbye, popped down my share of the bill, and left. I'll call her in a couple of months, but for now I've got her and my step-family on their on ringtones so I know to not answer them. If she insists on talking about Betty, Adam, or their baby on our phone calls, I won't speak to her until she learns to not do it. Yes, she very kindly admonished me for what I texted Betty, but I shrugged and told her that she's getting involved by telling me I shouldn't have sent that. Yes, I realize I shouldn't have sent Betty what I did, but I was pissed and I'd finished off a bottle of wine. And frankly, she is a cunt. As for Adam, he showed up about a few days after he told me with pizza, ice-cream, and flowers. I had his stuff sitting by the door, and was more then willing to have him get it and go, but he convinced me to talk to him. He confessed that while I loss my virginity to him, he had loss his to Betty a few weeks before. It felt like he'd punched me in the face. I told him if I had known that I would have dumped his ass then, and spent the remaining nine and a half years not being held back because he didn't want to leave our city, or go on trips out of the country, or get a freaking cat (he's super allergic) or paint my nails (he's weird about nail polish, I haven't painted mine since we started dating seriously.) He was apologetic, but said he loved me and wanted to work on things. I told him I wasn't going to be Betty's baby's stepmother, that I wanted to live a 100% Betty free life and that if I were to take him back, he would have no contact with the woman he cheated on me with, which obviously wouldn't be possible if he's the kids dad. He said that Betty told him there was a chance he wasn't the father after he told me (because, like I said, she's a cunt). I told him there still was a chance he was, though, and I wasn't going to risk it; plus that didn't change the fact that he'd betrayed me when we were first together, and last year, and that was two times too many. He asked if we could still be friends, with, I'm 90% sure, the intent to win me back. I told him I'd think about it. No chance in hell of that happening. I talked to my dad; he lives across the country, and we're on great terms even though we only saw each other during the summer when I was growing up. I really like my step-mother, but our relationship had always been a bit shadowed because, well, I was a dick and firmly pushed her away to not hurt my mom's feelings. Which I'm pretty sure is some sort of weird irony. Dad offered to pay to get me out of the rest of my lease, and let me live in one of his rental houses for free if I want to move to his city. I'm going to do it. I've got a buttload of savings to last me a while until I find a job. I never wanted to stay in our home city forever, and I think being 2000 miles away from my mom, and the rest of them will really help. I'm going to work on my relationship with my step-mother too. First thing I'm going to do when I see her is apologize. I quit my job, and have spent the last few weeks relaxing, packing, planning, speaking to a therapist, looking at cats up for adoption in my dad's city, and reaching out to the handful of friends I have there from when I'd visit dad in the summer; hopefully someone will click and I'll have at least one good friend there. I bought myself way too much nail polish, got a manicure, and a lot of money on a pair of boots I've wanted since forever but held off on getting because, you know, I couldn't splurge like that because I was going to get married. So everything's going to be okay, I think. Thank you to everyone who commented and pmed me with helpful advice and sympathy. tldr: Took Adam back, trying to talk Betty into naming the baby after me. Just kidding! I'm moving 2000 miles away from them all and everything's probably going to be okay. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is Funny_Leather_5540. She posted in r/AITAH Paragraph breaks added for readability. Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes for the rec! Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. This has not been posted in this sub before. Mood Spoiler: some good but still a LOT unresolved and frustrating Original Post: January 4, 2026 I only have four days to make a decision. I have been going back and forth trying to decide if I should cancel my husbands birthday reservations I made for him at this really cool indoor golf place followed by reservations for dinner. He's always commented on wanting to try both and I thought it would make a nice gift. His birthday is only a few days after mine. For Christmas he legit took the time to buy and wrap me a box of diapers for our daughter in the next size up and presented it to me as my gift. I'm still angry about that. No, gag gifts for Christmas has never been a thing between us. Last year he got me a spatula and I thought this year he would do better after the falling out we had over the spatula. A little bit of Background info: Our daughter is now two months old and we have been working on replacing the floor and painting our home since before she was born with the goal of having it done before she can crawl. Over the summer he did the nursery floor and in the fall, a week before she was born, he did the flooring in our older son's room. Mind you, the flooring was given to us for free from my dad, and my dad bought my husband his own miter saw for Christmas to get the job done so we would no longer have to borrow his. I do all the painting. This past week as we have been clearing things out of our bedroom for me to do the painting and him the flooring he brought up my birthday. He said, "wow, all this work for your birthday gift." I said "Excuse me, what gift? He said "All the work of putting the flooring in our bedroom, but don't worry I'll still do a dinner for you and we can invite your mom and my family, what do you want me to cook?" I said "I would like to just have a quiet birthday dinner, you, me and the kids at Longhorn Steak House, come home and watch a movie together. Also, the flooring is not my gift. This is something we've been planning now for a year. And with the house torn up, I don't want to host anyone in our home especially after having hosted for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Besides we don't even have a place for people to sit. We have all the bedroom furniture, and our clothing in the living room. I'm currently sleeping on the mattress on the floor in here. Plus, I'm not a fan of your brother coming over so you two can sit and just drink beer all evening while I watch our and his kids." He said no, I'm going to cook at home, just tell me what you want me to cook. I said "Ok, I want to do steak, mashed potatoes, and green beans." (But there is a problem here, he can't make mashed potatoes to save his life and only likes green beans if their boiled. I like fresh green beans slowly sautéed with olive oil, garlic and herbs. So if I want it cooked this way, I will have to do it.) He said "no, we're not doing steak, it will cost to much if the family comes over. I'll just do a chicken." I lost it. I said again, "For MY birthday... I DO NOT want people over." He kept arguing the issue and I said "fine, do what you want for my birthday." Side note: Last year, he ordered the traditional tres leches cake but he ordered it with peaches. I hate peaches, he likes peaches. I like strawberries. Plus, my name was spelled wrong on the birthday cake, he thought it was hilarious. I am now seriously considering cancelling his b-day golf outing & dinner reservations, leaving home if he invites his family for my birthday, buying him a box of diaper wipes and presenting it with a card that says "Happy birthday. I painted the house for you." Would I be the Asshole? OOP's only comment: To a longer comment: Thank you. This is the first post I've read that basically wasn't calling me an asshole for not divorcing him over Christmas and birthday this year. And yea, about 2 weeks after Christmas last year, when I had time relax, I asked him for a genuine answer about the spatula as a gift and what the hell he was thinking. He said that he was at the store and saw that it was blue, the type of blue I like and and he thought of me and thought that it would match the utensil holder and our blue microwave that I found in the store one day and geeked over. He said he thought I would like it because of the pretty blue color. That's about as deep as the thought went. He said that he never thought the gift would be sexist, or imply that I had to do more cooking for him. To make up for the spatula though he did go out and buy me the KitchenAid stand up mixer I had my eye on for over 2 years. I was really happy about it...Until he said "So when are you going to make me some homemade bead?" We had the talk about never, ever buying kitchen appliances for someone as a gift unless directly asked for. That kitchen things used by the whole family is not a gift for one person. When I am no longer angry about the diapers, I'll be able to calmly ask him "after the 2024 Christmas spatula debacle, what the hell were you thinking gifting me diapers 2025." I mean hell, I'm thinking if this is how its gonna be, we might just make it a pact to buy each other practical gifts for the home. No more disappointment that way. Update (Same Post): Later that day Update: Birthday plans: I have since logged in and cancelled his birthday golf outing and dinner reservations for next week. Tomorrow is my birthday and his day off work so he will be watching baby as I have also booked myself for a 90 minute massage. After that I will be stopping by Starbuck for my favorite drink and one hour of un-interrupted time with my new book that my son got me for Christmas. Then I will be picking him up from school and taking him to go see a movie. I will round off the day by coming home, taking a long hot bubble bath, ordering DoorDash and ending my day holding baby girl. That sounds like an amazing birthday to me. For him, I will just be getting him a card that reads "Happy Birthday, I painted the house for you." The bag will contain a case of diaper wipes. If he looks disappointed, I will just tell him "I cancelled the Golf outing and dinner reservations and instead go this bulk pack of wipes; the perfect gift to accompany the box of diapers you got me for Christmas." He will get the message. Divorce: As for the people advocating for divorce, kicking him to the curb, leaving with the kids in the middle of the night, claiming that he isn't a good husband to me and father to our baby, please know that you only got one little glimpse into our life. He is a loving and caring father to our children. We struggled with infertility for a very long time so this baby was a surprise but a welcomed blessing. Every day I prayed to not miscarry and even feared death during labor as my pregnancy was high-risk. He took a month off of work to care for me as I recovered from 3 degree tearing and a bruised tailbone. Every night he does the night time routine: Bath, pajamas, story time, and rocks baby girl to sleep. While he does that, I do the house reset: dishes, garbage, sweep. He wakes with me for all her feedings and prioritizes my sleep over his to make sure that I am rested enough to care for our daughter during the day. This is the same man who, during pregnancy, cooked me breakfast every morning and massaged my feet every night. Before he leaves for work every day he will make sure I have time to self-care (shower, brush my teeth, eat breakfast, and pump) before handing me the baby (if she's awake). Then he will make sure I am happy on the couch with baby girl and anything I could need before he leaves-blanket, remote, water cup, my phone, phone charger, a clean binky and bottle for baby. As soon as he get's home from work, he will take her and give me 30 minutes to myself before we start talking dinner plans. We make a good team when it comes to daily life. I don't have to make him lists of things to do. I like that when were low on milk, he will just pick it up on his way home without having to be asked and he doesn't wait for a "thank you" like he did me some big favor the way I have seen other men seek gratitude for doing basic tasks. He sucks at gift giving and this year and last year, so yes! I will be doing nothing for him for his birthday. Despite the shitty thoughtless gift and non-birthday birthday plans, I will be holding off on kicking him out and just matching his energy for his birthday. For Christmas 2026, I think I will get him an IKEA toddler bed to assemble for our daughter and call it a day. Update 2 (Same Post): January 6, 2026 (Next Day) Birthday update: Yesterday was my birthday. Hubby surprised me with breakfast out at my favorite local spot and we did a Home Depot run for more flooring. After that, I did go for my massage, It was wonderful, and I did stop at Starbuck for my free birthday drink. I didn't have time to sit and read before I had to pick my boy from school, but that's ok. Instead of going to see a movie at the theater we came home and began a Harry Potter Movie marathon. I LOVE Harry Potter. However, my son, without my knowing, had texted my dad and my best friend to come over and surprise me with a visit. He didn't know that I had already had my best friend and her niece scheduled to come over to look through a pile of clothes before I took a large haul to donate at the Salvation Army. It was so much fun watching her niece try on dresses. We wrapped up the night with some pizza and cheesy bread. Hubby surprised me with a little gift: two new books, a pack of my favorite cookies, and a squishy niffler that I can add to my Harry Potter book shelf. Overall, I had a great day. :) OOP's Comments: OOP comments a stand alone comment and is downvoted: I am disappointed that an AITA post became a dumping ground for people advocating for divorce... He does not deserve to lose his family. I don't deserve to become a single mother, and my children don't deserve to have their family torn apart over this. I was only looking to see if I would be an ASS for matching his energy when it comes to gift giving, not throw the whole marriage away. However, because of all the negative comments, calling me an asshole if I don't leave him, telling me that I have no self-worth. I have decided that I am going to still make the original birthday plans I had for him happen. I'm going to do it not because he didn't do something for me, I'm going to do it because I want my kids to see him happy. I want him to be happy. I want my son to see me do the right thing and not be petty. Despite how I felt on Christmas/birthday he is such a good father & husband in other ways and that is something I don't need to justify here on Reddit to make other people feel good. My original idea to be petty and match his energy died when I read all the hateful comments here on Reddit. So thank you Reddit readers, all the hate made me see how small this really was in comparison. He sucks at gift giving but is still worthy of love and respect for all the rest that he does for me and this family the other 363 days in a year. Marriage takes work, time and a whole lot of patience. No relationship lives in perpetual happiness because we are human and we make mistakes. CatPerson88: My husband wasn't quite this bad, but he did get me a vacuum during one of our first Christmases together. He got a lecture about what giving a woman household appliances says, especially when your wife also works full time... I learned to send him a list of specific items in a wide price range. He still occasionally screws up, but he's much better. We're still married 30+ yrs. Set ground rules. If he's a poor gift giver, I recommend doing what I do- when it's time to get you a gift, offer him a specific list, with site links, sizes, and colors. Any home repairs in lieu of gifts is to be discussed openly, not assumed, and both parties need to agree. It will get better. OOP: (downvoted) Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I'm thinking that next year I will be making him an Amazon wish list and sending it to him. He can pick something off that list and it will still be a surprise as to what he chose. submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

This is a repost. The original was posted in r/whatdoIdo by user No_Penalty9836. I'm not the original poster. Status: Ongoing Content Note: Harry Potter Editor's Note: I added paragraph breaks Original January 5, 2026 I only have four days to make a decision. I have been going back and forth trying to decide if I should cancel my husbands birthday reservations I made for him at this really cool indoor golf place followed by reservations for dinner. He's always commented on wanting to try both and I thought it would make a nice gift. His birthday is only a few days after mine. For Christmas he legit took the time to buy and wrap me a box of diapers for our daughter in the next size up and presented it to me as my gift. I'm still angry about that. No, gag gifts for Christmas has never been a thing between us. Last year he got me a spatula and I thought this year he would do better after the falling out we had over the spatula. A little bit of Background info: Our daughter is now two months old and we have been working on replacing the floor and painting our home since before she was born with the goal of having it done before she can crawl. Over the summer he did the nursery floor and in the fall, a week before she was born, he did the flooring in our older son's room. Mind you, the flooring was given to us for free from my dad, and my dad bought my husband his own miter saw for Christmas to get the job done so we would no longer have to borrow his. I do all the painting. This past week as we have been clearing things out of our bedroom for me to do the painting and him the flooring he brought up my birthday. He said, "wow, all this work for your birthday gift." I said "Excuse me, what gift? He said "All the work of putting the flooring in our bedroom, but don't worry I'll still do a dinner for you and we can invite your mom and my family, what do you want me to cook?" I said "I would like to just have a quiet birthday dinner, you, me and the kids at Longhorn Steak House, come home and watch a movie together. Also, the flooring is not my gift. This is something we've been planning now for a year. And with the house torn up, I don't want to host anyone in our home especially after having hosted for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Besides we don't even have a place for people to sit. We have all the bedroom furniture, and our clothing in the living room. I'm currently sleeping on the mattress on the floor in here. Plus, I'm not a fan of your brother coming over so you two can sit and just drink beer all evening while I watch our and his kids." He said no, I'm going to cook at home, just tell me what you want me to cook. I said "Ok, I want to do steak, mashed potatoes, and green beans." (But there is a problem here, he can't make mashed potatoes to save his life and only likes green beans if their boiled. I like fresh green beans slowly sautéed with olive oil, garlic and herbs. So if I want it cooked this way, I will have to do it.) He said "no, we're not doing steak, it will cost to much if the family comes over. I'll just do a chicken." I lost it. I said again, "For MY birthday... I DO NOT want people over." He kept arguing the issue and I said "fine, do what you want for my birthday." Side note: Last year, he ordered the traditional tres leches cake but he ordered it with peaches. I hate peaches, he likes peaches. I like strawberries. Plus, my name was spelled wrong on the birthday cake, he thought it was hilarious. I am now seriously considering cancelling his b-day golf outing & dinner reservations, leaving home if he invites his family for my birthday, buying him a box of diaper wipes and presenting it with a card that says "Happy birthday. I painted the house for you." Would I be the Asshole? Consensus: Not the asshole for cancelling, but people tell her she is an asshole for staying with someone who clearly doesn't like her or cares about her Comment by OOP: About 2 weeks after Christmas last year, when I had time relax, I asked him for a genuine answer about the spatula as a gift and what the hell he was thinking. He said that he was at the store and saw that it was blue, the type of blue I like and and he thought of me and thought that it would match the utensil holder and our blue microwave that I found in the store one day and geeked over. He said he thought I would like it because of the pretty blue color. That's about as deep as the thought went. He said that he never thought the gift would be sexist, or imply that I had to do more cooking for him. To make up for the spatula though he did go out and buy me the KitchenAid stand up mixer I had my eye on for over 2 years. I was really happy about it...Until he said "So when are you going to make me some homemade bead?" We had the talk about never, ever buying kitchen appliances for someone as a gift unless directly asked for. That kitchen things used by the whole family is not a gift for one person. When I am no longer angry about the diapers, I'll be able to calmly ask him "after the 2024 Christmas spatula debacle, what the hell were you thinking gifting me diapers 2025." I mean hell, I'm thinking if this is how its gonna be, we might just make it a pact to buy each other practical gifts for the home. No more disappointment that way. Update January 5, 2026, same day later Birthday plans: I have since logged in and cancelled his birthday golf outing and dinner reservations for next week. Tomorrow is my birthday and his day off work so he will be watching baby as I have also booked myself for a 90 minute massage. After that I will be stopping by Starbuck for my favorite drink and one hour of un-interrupted time with my new book that my son got me for Christmas. Then I will be picking him up from school and taking him to go see a movie. I will round off the day by coming home, taking a long hot bubble bath, ordering DoorDash and ending my day holding baby girl. That sounds like an amazing birthday to me. For him, I will just be getting him a card that reads "Happy Birthday, I painted the house for you." The bag will contain a case of diaper wipes. If he looks disappointed, I will just tell him "I cancelled the Golf outing and dinner reservations and instead go this bulk pack of wipes; the perfect gift to accompany the box of diapers you got me for Christmas." He will get the message. Divorce: As for the people advocating for divorce, kicking him to the curb, leaving with the kids in the middle of the night, claiming that he isn't a good husband to me and father to our baby, please know that you only got one little glimpse into our life. He is a loving and caring father to our children. We struggled with infertility for a very long time so this baby was a surprise but a welcomed blessing. Every day I prayed to not miscarry and even feared death during labor as my pregnancy was high-risk. He took a month off of work to care for me as I recovered from 3 degree tearing and a bruised tailbone. Every night he does the night time routine: Bath, pajamas, story time, and rocks baby girl to sleep. While he does that, I do the house reset: dishes, garbage, sweep. He wakes with me for all her feedings and prioritizes my sleep over his to make sure that I am rested enough to care for our daughter during the day. This is the same man who, during pregnancy, cooked me breakfast every morning and massaged my feet every night. Before he leaves for work every day he will make sure I have time to self-care (shower, brush my teeth, eat breakfast, and pump) before handing me the baby (if she's awake). Then he will make sure I am happy on the couch with baby girl and anything I could need before he leaves-blanket, remote, water cup, my phone, phone charger, a clean binky and bottle for baby. As soon as he get's home from work, he will take her and give me 30 minutes to myself before we start talking dinner plans. We make a good team when it comes to daily life. I don't have to make him lists of things to do. I like that when were low on milk, he will just pick it up on his way home without having to be asked and he doesn't wait for a "thank you" like he did me some big favor the way I have seen other men seek gratitude for doing basic tasks. He sucks at gift giving and this year and last year, so yes! I will be doing nothing for him for his birthday. Despite the shitty thoughtless gift and non-birthday birthday plans, I will be holding off on kicking him out and just matching his energy for his birthday. For Christmas 2026, I think I will get him an IKEA toddler bed to assemble for our daughter and call it a day. Update 2 January 6, 2026, 1 day later Birthday update: Yesterday was my birthday. Hubby surprised me with breakfast out at my favorite local spot and we did a Home Depot run for more flooring. After that, I did go for my massage, It was wonderful, and I did stop at Starbuck for my free birthday drink. I didn't have time to sit and read before I had to pick my boy from school, but that's ok. Instead of going to see a movie at the theater we came home and began a Harry Potter Movie marathon. I LOVE Harry Potter. However, my son, without my knowing, had texted my dad and my best friend to come over and surprise me with a visit. He didn't know that I had already had my best friend and her niece scheduled to come over to look through a pile of clothes before I took a large haul to donate at the Salvation Army. It was so much fun watching her niece try on dresses. We wrapped up the night with some pizza and cheesy bread. Hubby surprised me with a little gift: two new books, a pack of my favorite cookies, and a squishy niffler that I can add to my Harry Potter book shelf. Overall, I had a great day. :) ___ *I'm not the original poster* submitted by /u/Schattenspringer to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not the OOP, the OOP is u/IGaveTheBook TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity, Potential sexual assault of a minor MOOD SPOILER: Ends on an uplifting note There are a lot of posts here, so I included a tl;dr at the bottom Here is the original BORU of this Post 1: AITA for gifting my mom and her husband a book on cheating for their anniversary? - March 2nd, 2022 I'm (16 M) and I love my mom (35) but when I was 10 she had an affair and left us, I visited her as often as I could and she always seemed so happy when I was there but I hated her new family so I stopped visiting. Honestly we rarely ever saw each other after just for my birthday and events really. She wants us to be close but I want nothing to do with her new husband so I've kept my distance. Except on Feb 20th my dad announced he'd be out on business till the 12th and my grandparents are stuck visiting relatives in Italy and so I really had nowhere to go and my mom jumped at the chance to have me stay with her. And just my luck that my mom's anniversary with her husband was on Sunday. I haven't had a good time here at all so all I do is stay in my room doing homework or go out with friends to avoid family activities cause it sucks seeing how lovey dovey she is with her husband and how they seem like the perfect family with their daughters. The morning before her anniversary day she came to my bed and tried to cuddle with me like before she left us but it made me angry like we can't go back in time and pretend it's how it was. So I just pretended to be asleep and stayed curled up and frozen till she left. I started crying cause of that and I felt angry and snarky and my mom majored in literature so I got her a copy of Anna Karenina for her anniversary. That book's about a lady who leaves her husband and son for her lover. I've never read it but I watched the movie with my girlfriend and I hated it. The anniversary party was on Sunday. Everyone was having fun but me and then people gave their gifts. I gave mine and when my mom saw what it was she seemed shocked but just said thanks. The party ended like an hour after. But at night when she was in her room I heard her crying really loudly. So I kinda eavesdropped a little and heard her saying stuff about that book and me and her husband trying to calm her. The next day at breakfast she left for work early before I woke up and her husband straight up called me an asshole and other stuff for gifting them that. It's been a few days now and my mom has barely talked to me. Honestly I feel so wrong I made my mom cry but at the same time I don't want to be here and she knows that so am I really the asshole? Edit: Thankfully the mods have locked this. But to everyone who keeps DMing me here's some facts to read before you do: I gave my mom the book to try and get it across to her that I hate being at her house and being around her family and that it hurts me to be there because I sympathized with the son from the movie not because I want a train to run her over - I do not want that to happen to my mom I do not want my dad to get back together with my mom, he's happy with his fiancee My dad has his reasons for not wanting me to go to therapy and is just being protective Yes I stopped visiting my mom cause I hate her husband but she had custody of me on weekends or breaks she could've forced me to be with her but since being with him or making him be with us whenever I did go to her was more important she never tried anything beyond the bare minimum of going to big events. Post 1 Comments: OOP responding to a user who doubts that he loves his mom: "Of course I do. End of the day no matter what she's done she's still my mom. I do like being around her and spending time with her, I love talking to her - I just hate that I have to do that around her new husband or the kids she has with him and the life that she left mine for. I love my mom so much thats why it sucked hearing her cry." OOP responding to a user who asks if his mother ever apologized: "No." and then if she made genuine efforts to reconcile: "Not really. Maybe it feels like to her she has, but it doesn't to me." OOP responding to a user if what he did made him feel good: "No it didn't." OOP on why his dad won't let him go to therapy: "Cause of some stuff that happened to him with a psychologist when he was younger Like younger than me but I'm not going to talk about that it isn't relevant and I think it's against the rules to explicitly mention." Post 2: Update 1 - March 16th, 2022 Posting this now cause people keep messaging me about it. The day after I posted I let my gf read it and she was like stay with me dummy. I told my dad, he said I could stay there and sent my gf's mom an email. At my mom's home I told her, she got really sad but said ok she'd drive me and sent an email too. I still wanted to talk alone to my mom like people said to. As she drove I wanted to talk like the school counselor helped me write a letter to read (like some people said to) but I just froze and she drove to a parking lot and started talking. She said a lot of stuff about the book, about still seeing me like I'm her baby, her not actually being happy and about us but ended with her saying its ok for me to hate her for what she did cause she hurt me and she'd never push to be my mom again but if I ever wanted she'd be there for me. But I don't hate her I love her so I started crying really bad I've never had a breakdown but I think that's what it was. I remember her taking me to the backseat and hugging me and me trying to say I love her while crying but its a blur. She calmed me down and I told her how I feel and I do want her to be my mom just I hate her husband and I don't want a train to hit her I even told her about when she tried to cuddle and how I feel bad now cause that'll never happen again cause I'm never going back to her house. She told me she knew I was awake and was mad at her so I started crying again. She told me it was ok and she's wrong and we talked a lot but I kept crying so she got me advil cause my head started hurting. She seemed sad I hate her husband but got really mad at him when I told her all the mean things he's said to me and said she'd never let him get between us again. She said she'd take me to therapy with just her no matter what dad says and to spend time with me alone. She dropped me off and I've felt better since I stayed there until my dad came back. My dad promised never to send me there again and to stay at my gf's if my grandparents stay in Italy. He agreed to let me do family therapy with my mom but he said he'd ensure its appropriate. We haven't started it yet, but my mom has kept her promise to spend time with me so far and it does make me feel happier. I didn't think the last post would blow up like it did so I hope with this update you guys don't have to worry much anymore cause I think it's getting better. Post 3: Update 2 - May 9th, 2022 So just an update (posting during locker break so I can't respond till later) cause some people are curious and are messaging me so here's like a mass update. I've been going to therapy with my mom every day on Fridays, but we hang out just the two of us for on Saturdays and Sundays. Like our first weekend together she took me to see Batman and the day after we went to Boston Pizza. Since then we've really just been going on walks and hikes or even shopping but I like that cause we get to talk a lot. And we talk on facetime every day. It really does feel like I've gotten her back as my mom and that's what I wanted. The best part is that when we hug now it's like we're actually hugging and before it was like I did it cause I had to and I guess it just feels so special. Like I don't know but I feel really happy, which I didn't before. I guess it was like I was missing something cause even my girlfriend has said that I seem a lot happier than before. Therapy has been really weird. It's not at all what I thought it would be. Like before the first meeting my dad talked to the psychologist for like half an hour like he was interrogating her but then my mom and I had the session. It was like the psychologist was focused on that book and why it made my mom cry and everything. The sessions since then have been weird cause it's like I end up crying a lot so my mom always brings a bottle of Gatorade for me. My mom does end up crying too but she always tries to hide it and not show and when the therapist asked why she said cause she doesn't want her crying to influence what I'm saying or how I'm feeling. I still don't feel comfortable going alone even though the therapist has said it and my mom's said she'll take me and is going to start going on her own too but I just don't feel ready. Oh and in therapy I did tell her I was worried that she was only doing all of this cause she wanted to bring me into her family and when she figured out it would never happen she would just choose her husband again and leave me for good. That made her cry a lot and she couldn't even hold it in and she was like it's cause she's finally starting to understand that I don't trust her and I might never trust her again and she's knows it's all her fault. She did promise me again though that I'd never have to see her husband and she'd only bring her daughters when I wanted and that she'd never let him stop her from going to my graduations and my wedding. When she kinda calmed down she did say that the only time I'd have to deal with him was at her funeral but I don't want to think about that. I don't want to write too much about what happened in therapy but I guess I kind of felt like I should share that. Easter was the best holiday I've had in a while even though I didn't go anywhere. My mom's husband took their kids to see his parents and she stayed behind. We spent so much time that weekend together for part of it I kind of felt like a little kid again. I even got to properly introduce her to my girlfriend and to my girlfriend's mom and we all had Easter dinner together. Like my mom made the turkey and it was amazing I didn't know how much I missed it but it tasted exactly like it did when I was little. And I did finally admit to her that my grandparents aren't coming back from Italy and that's why I was feeling so down recently. I also admitted that dad and his fiancee are going to move to Catania after I graduate and are going to stay there and that I'll probably go to university in Catania and Palermo. She was sad and she did admit she didn't want me to go cause I'd end up moving Summer next year and that's not that far away and she probably wouldn't see me in person at all. But she did say she'd support me no matter what I chose. And a lot of our sessions since then have kind of focused on me going to university there. Yesterday on Mother's Day her husband went to see his parents again and my mom and I were already going to a restaurant called Cactus Club together. I didn't know if he was taking their kids and if he wasn't I know I would've felt bad if they didn't get to celebrate Mother's Day with her too so I said she could bring them. I don't really know the girls that well but it was still a good time. My mom brought her camera with her cause she hates using the one on the phone and she got our waitress to take a photo of all of us together at the end. I did have the waitress take the photos again on my phone so I could send them to her and she could have them on her phone. I guess that's another update for everyone who was asking. I don't mind updating and I like talking to the people who comment her or on that repost subreddit, but I'm going to tell my mom I've been posting. If she says I can keep posting then I will but if she tells me to stop, then this is the last one. Post 4: Update 3 - June 21st, 2022 So, I guess to give an update, my exams are all done and it's summer break now. But, I got into AP English! I got two lists of books from my teacher cause he wants us to read them over the Summer to be prepared. On one list it's books like Wuthering Heights, the Great Gatsby, Moby Dick and Frankenstein and he said we absolutely should read through those since we'll be choosing two of them to do essays and stuff on. On the other list, it's just a giant list of books that he recommends reading to be prepared. It's a really big list and of course, Anna Karenina is on the list. My girlfriend saw that and was like well good thing you already bought that one. Anyway, cause my mom knows all those books, I gave her the lists before we went to our therapy session and she agreed to take me to Indigo or to some old bookstores to get me the best versions of them, cause some of them are translated from other languages. I still don't feel comfortable doing therapy without her. I don't know, I just don't think that I'm going to be able to speak up without her there. She's pushing me to do it but I just can't. Even she's done some sessions alone through Teams. But like if I do it alone and I end up crying I don't want the therapist to hug me and if it's at home I don't want my dad or his fiancee to wonder what's wrong. My dad still doesn't like that I'm doing therapy. He actually had a really big fight with his fiancee about it cause when her niece and nephew move in, she's going to send them to therapy. He's like they shouldn't go cause they can't speak English and it might turn out like it did for him cause he couldn't speak English when he had to go as a kid. It sucked cause I got roped into it and my mom ended up being called and she threatened to pull the custody card on dad to make it clear I'd still be going with her. He did say sorry to me after and that he'll try and be more supportive and get over being scared. Anyway, my mom bought me the Great Gatsby, Moby Dick and Frankenstein, cause she said that Wuthering Heights will probably bore me. And from the other list, she got me The Count of Monte Cristo, A Tale of Two Cities, Great Expectations and Catch-22. She also gave me the copy of Anna Karenina that I gave her and said she would like for me to read it cause it might help me understand why getting that hurt her so much but that if it gets too much, I can just give it back to her. I guess I can, I mean I saw the movie. How bad can it be? And my mom also said that she wants to take me on a trip somewhere in August. Cause if I move to Italy with everybody next Summer, then we probably won't ever have a proper vacation again. I don't know if I want to go, but if it means so much to her then maybe I will. I just guess I'm scared that maybe her husband will end up coming even though she said that he won't. I guess that's another update for whoever still cares. I'll keep posting as long as I have something I want to write about. I do like venting on here and since the therapist has recommended I continue, I guess I will. Post 5: Update 4 - July 19th, 2022 Didn't think I'd be posting again so soon, but I feel like writing something so why not. Well, I have started reading the Summer reading list. The first one I read was Frankenstein cause I was most excited for it and it did not disappoint. I really liked that book, it was so good. I felt so bad for Frankenstein, like his brother, his brother's nanny and his wife didn't deserve to die just cause he was selfish. It made sense he was a modern Prometheus cause he can't be as good as Prometheus cause he lives in a more modern world. My girlfriend and I watched the Robert de Niro movie together and it was really good too but not as good as the book. I also read the Great Gatsby and it was good but not as good and have started Moby Dick. As for Anna Karenina, I only read the first part. But I like it better than the movie so far. Anna isn't even the main character, that's a guy named Levin. And he's an interesting character, he's smart even though's a simple farmer. I liked all the thinking that he does, it makes him seem real even if the author writes dialogue or thoughts in a way that nobody would ever actually talk or think. What surprised me was how modern it was. There's stuff that tells you it's in the past like receiving guests or telegram or how to start a fireplace but there's also stuff like working in an office, how Levin works on a farm, a public skating rink, them just having coffee in the morning or going to a diner and ordering like it's modern day. I get it wasn't like that for poor people and that everybody in the book is pretty much rich (some of the characters know the emperor) but it's kind of like 1800s Russian rich is like today but with less rights for women. I didn't like the Anna parts and I hate Vronsky, the guy she leaves her family for in the movie. I can't help but thinking of the stupid actor that played him in the movie too (I hate that actor, he's so lame, he's lame in everything I've seen him in and for some reason he's in everything too). He's a shitty guy who goes to brothels and tricks Kitty, the girl Levin loves, into thinking he'll marry her so he can bang her, pretends to love his mom cause she's a ho and when he meets Anna, the first thing he hears is how much she loves her son but starts trying to get her. It makes me mad, he knows she has a kid and thinks it's all right to go for her. He's not written as if he could be a real person either. What's weird is when Vronsky and Anna dance, the author writes Kitty's perspective to show her being humiliated but also to show those two fall in love. Then the chapters after are Anna's perspective but the author doesn't explain why they acted like that, just that Anna is attracted to him but is ashamed and Vronsky is in love. I hate Vronsky, she tells him no twice when she sees him after the ball but he keeps going after her. We have assemblys on how girls don't like guys who don't take no for an answer but the author's writes she does. He's such a stupid, stupid character. I hate this character so much and it's worse that he's played by the stupidest actor ever in that stupid movie. And then it's as if meeting him changed Anna so much she doesn't find her son as good as she imagined even though he's still the best thing in the world to her. Plus, Anna's husband isn't even bad, he's just sarcastic but he's not cheating and trusts her and the author says they love each other. I actually had an argument with my mom cause she was said if I think Levin is the main character then Kitty is just as important and I'll see why the author needed to show the ball from her perspective and also cause it shows the effect of Anna's actions. But it's like the author needed them to fall in love and wrote Kitty's perspective cause it was too hard to write Anna so he tells us she falls in love and he leaves it to us to imagine why that happens. We ended up bringing the argument into therapy cause it got intense cause my mom wouldn't accept that I don't think the author is that good. And my therapist said I'm projecting people in my life onto people in the book and that just dovetailed into stuff about my dad not wanting me to go to therapy. My dad's fiancee's niece and nephew moved in a few days before Canada Day. It's been weird having them around. They loved the Canada Day parade but they've been quiet and they cry a lot, like sometimes Giulia (dad's fiancee) has to sleep with them both. I've tried to be their friend, let them play on my PlayStation, play poker or basketball with them. I think they like my girlfriend more than me though cause I think they think she's famous. But it's hard cause they don't know English (even though they've been seeing a tutor) and when we speak Italian, I honestly don't know what they're saying half the time cause of their accent and I understand nothing when they speak Sicilian. I did bring them up in therapy once but mom seemed kind of sad and I guess it's cause I don't really know her kids at all so I haven't since. As for therapy, my dad made Giulia promise not to let them go alone and he seemed really scared and acts so weird when they go. He's gotten into a few arguments about it with Giulia but she always shuts him down and one time she even called my grandparents. And he's been hugging me really tightly every time I go with my mom now or come back from it, has asked how much more I need to go and if I can stop soon and one time I think he was even crying when I came back but he tried to hide it from me. My mom told me to let her know if he says anything about stopping me again. I guess the big thing is, my mom's not going to be working first two weeks of August, so she was like, she can take me on a trip that's just us to Kelowna or Kamloops or wherever then. But it has to be in the first two weeks cause she needs to start preparing for school reopening after that. The problem is that my dad's fiancee is going back to Italy in the beginning of August for her stuff about her sister's will and she asked me if I wanted to come cause she's like she'll show me the University of Palermo and the University of Catania and I can meet with advisors and stuff and I'll get to see my grandparents. My mom got really sad when I told her about that, I feel like she wanted to cry and she said she really wanted me to stay so we could have one last vacation. Like she said it a lot in a lot of different ways this weekend and kept telling me her husband wouldn't come along. So I don't want to let her down but I also really want to see my grandparents. Wow, I wrote a lot more than I wanted to but I guess if anybody who comes here has any advice on if I should go with my mom or with Giulia, I'll take it. Post 6: Hey Everyone - November 20th, 2025 (nearly four years since the first post) So, I don't know how many people are still reading this, but it says that I have 44 messages in the chat icon, so that's something. The first thing I want to do is thank u/Dustyrose-930 – you gave me a lot of support in our DMs back when I was active here, and it meant a lot to me. I don't know if your account is still active, but I hope it is so you know that the talks we had really did help me. Now, the first thing I want to talk about is that there were some things which I lied about in my older posts because I guess I thought they made me seem cooler. Like at one point I wrote that I couldn't understand my stepmom's niece and nephew's accent when they spoke Italian. That was just not true and I don't know why I wrote that. I only had trouble when they spoke Sicilian. And reading those old posts, the thing that I see a lot is that I kept saying I don't speak at all to my mom's husband and pretty much implied that I just gave him the silent treatment whenever I was around him. That was a lie and was something I think I wrote because I thought it'd make me look like a badass or something. But it's just cringey looking back at it. The truth is, he's always been friendly to me, and I was always a dick to him because I hated him for taking my mom and having to be around him when I wanted to be with her. The only time he was ever actually mean to me was when he called me an asshole for giving my mom the book. If I'm being honest, I still kind of hate him but not like I used to and maybe I really only hate the part of him that I think of when I remember my parents getting divorce. I don't know, it's hard to explain. When I moved to Italy with my dad, I really started missing my mom and I kept blaming him like, I would have spent more time with her when I was in Canada if it weren't for him. But now, I try not to let it bother me because I know that kind of thinking is just going to make me angry with my mom and I'm so tired of that now. I'll never love him or respect him like I do my stepmother, but no matter how I feel about him, he loves my mom, he really does make her happy and she loves him too. Another thing is that I know I wrote about crying really badly a few times. But the truth is, I cried so much more than I wrote about, and I tried to avoid writing about whenever I did because I felt so embarrassed about it and hated myself for being honest about the times I did cry. Looking back, at most of those therapy sessions I went to with my mom or the hikes or when I told my mom I wanted to move to Italy or so many other things, something made me cry like a baby and I guess on here, I could reframe those things like I was calm and cool. And then another thing is that I wrote about not wanting to go on a vacation with my mom because I wanted to go check out universities in Italy with my stepmom instead. The truth is that I really wanted to go with my mom, and it's another thing where I don't even remember why I was writing like I didn't because I did go with her and it was one of the best trips I've ever had. My life has been good since I last posted. I have a plan for my future and I'm not angry and bitter and depressed anymore. My dad and my stepmom are officially married and he's the happiest that he's ever been with her. I love university, it's so much better than school and it honestly feels like this is the best thing ever at times. I'm still completely shit with Sicilian but everybody speaks Italian so it doesn't matter. The reason I felt like writing this and just getting all these thoughts out is that my mom and her husband had another baby in August, and I flew in like a day after my mom got back from the hospital, and I stayed with them until I had to go back. So pretty much last night in Canada, my girlfriend visited my mom. And yes, this is the same girlfriend I had back when I made all those posts. We've made it work somehow even though we're worlds away. She took a picture with my new baby sister and sent it, and I only saw it when I woke up like an hour and a half ago, but it reminded me of all this and I felt like writing about it. Reading that very first post back, I see how I mentioned so many times that the reason we stopped seeing each other beyond birthdays and at my games and events was because my sisters or her husband were always with her. It's funny because I know that at the time when I wrote that post that time seemed so much longer than it was. I didn't try to understand my mom and how hard it was for her to be away from my sisters with how small they were then. And it took her so long, maybe way too long to understand why I only wanted her but she did keep trying till she got it and I can appreciate that so much now. It's like the person I was who wrote that post expected perfection from my mom but wouldn't have been happy even if she gave it. I remember how guilty I felt for making my mom cry because of that stupid book and so many people on this website pointed it out to me too. I still feel a little bit guilty but I can forgive myself just like I can forgive her for not being as perfect as I'd expected back then. I guess what I want to say is that I wish I hadn't been so angry and sad back then and that I hadn't tried so hard to not enjoy time with my mom just because my stepfather and my sisters were there too. And I wish that I knew that having fun, even if he was involved, didn't mean that I was suddenly okay with what he did. And I wish that I saw all the times that my mom tried to be better after the divorce for me and try to make up for breaking up our family. And I wish that I knew that it was okay to be mad and act out because none of it was my fault and if I'd known that sooner then maybe I could have realized how I really wanted things to be sooner. Because I was really hurting myself by being so upset, and she could see it and that was hurting her. We have a way better relationship now, and I love spending time with her without giving any conditions because I really don't want to regret things anymore. When I move back to Canada to get my master's, I am going to stay with her because I want her to be in my life, eat her dinner again, watch TV shows with her again, and be a family. And I know that it'll be different and better this time because I actually want it to be. If there's any advice I can give, it's just if you can make up for whatever regrets you have, then just do it. And I guess the last thing I'll say is that I really fucking hated reading that book. If I could go back in time, then I would never give my mom the book, and I definitely think it'd be to scrub the memory of reading it out of my head. It was worse than the movie my girlfriend made me watch. Read Frankenstein instead if you can. tl;dr: OOP gifts his mother Anna Karenina because she left his father for her current husband. He goes through a lot of struggling with his feelings about her and his own future. Three years later, he's emotionally in a much better place and has a good relationship with his mother. submitted by /u/LostWorked to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

What’s your fun story of Bostonian kindness? submitted by /u/ghostappartment to r/boston [link] [comments]

I am not OOP, OP Is u/AlternativeTry5797 originally posted to R/whatshouldido , r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC, r/AmlOverreacting Mood Spoiler: Sad, depressing , unsatisfied and disturbed MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING: Child sexual abuse, grooming, domestic violence, in depth descriptions of rape, teen pregnancy, racism, cops , suicide attempt and self harm. AIO or is my brother trying to use me to get his GF to forgive him? made August 13th 2025 Honestly if you're someone recovering from toxic relationships just ignore this because it's triggering. But context this pass Sunday my (f15) brother (M19) is in a relationship with my best friend (F15) that we will just call Mia for the post. But Mia was my best friend before she was even my brother's Gf...now she's family because they recently hao my little nephew. The relationship between my brother and Mia is very toxic mostly because of him, he's very controlling and gets jealous a lot, he knows how to control her . Meanwhile Mia is very in my opinion trauma bonded to him because she suffered some bad stuff from her mom's ex boyfriend. he was like messing with her at night. From what she told me my brother was really there for her and helped her feel normal again. Then Mia is also religious and my brother was her first for alot of things if you catch my drift, and I think she thinks he's supposed to be her husband and she needs to be with him..so there whole relationship is just mess. Although the situation that brings me here is Mia and my brother were arguing all day Sunday he wanted to take the baby out to meet his friends and she told him no because she feels like he still too little. But that didn't stop my brother getting mad at her and she was like in the recliner breastfeeding the baby and she asked him to bring like a certain medicine to give the baby. I'm not even sure what it was but it had someone weight to its like an inhaler...he ignores her the first few times she asked and he finally does give to her...but I kid you not he quite literally chucks it at her hard. While she's holding my nephew and this I could tell scared her and she looked at my brother very obviously scared of him. After he does that he looks at her and walks away and she starts hiding under the blanket with the baby crying. That's when he realizes he fucked up and starts apologizing to her a bunch. But ch kept Pulling away and just didn't speak to him she we v obviously crying and my mom did take her home after that. She hasn't spoken to my brother since Sunday. I have obviously talk to her and she's just tired of being treated horribly by him in her own words, "I don't understand why he treats me this way, l've done so many things for him that I really didn't even want to do to keep him happy in the relationship and he still treats me like this, I won't allow him to mistreat our baby" My brother is now been trying to use me to convince her to forgive him...but personally I don't want her forgive him. He stole her light and positive energy since being in this relationship. She's not the same person she was before they dated and I feel Transcript of the text messages between OP and her brother. OP: I have no idea why you're downplaying this you were wrong point blank. Brother: Can you just tell her l'm really sorry..it was just the heat of the moment and it's not that deep. She has done similar when she's mad. OP: I'm not telling her anything until you actually realize what you did because right now you obviously are still trying to avoid accountability.... Like i honestly believe if she didn't have that reaction u would not believe what you did was wrong. Brother: Well obviously no shit that's a definition of apology I wouldn't apologize if I intentionally tried to hit her, it was mistake and I'm not villain like that and she knows that. Relevant comments: GothGhostReaper Where are your parents? What the hell is ur mother doing during all this???? As someone the age of ur older brother, that's DISGUSTING. I would NEVER have sex with a child like that much less make them a mother. Get cps involved or something for Mia's sake. OP My parents are just trying to be supportive about the situation. I think her mom did try to press charges but nothing happened and you know I thought it was also weird my brother was dating her.... bennygaycko i feel so horrible for her. she was abused and then your brother used her trauma against her to just continue abusing her. you are absolutely right that she should not forgive him or talk to him. he is a predator and your friend deserves better. these situations are really hard, because from the outside you can't do much to help, but i'm sure your friend really really appreciates having you especially in a time like this. keep trying to be there for her and hopefully she can get away from your brother soon. OP: The situation is alot more serious than I thought and I do feel way more awful before I posted this. I'm trying my best to help her and l've been trying to convince her to press charges herself. Also l'm going to use this comment to answer the more repetitive questions? How long have my brother and Mia been dating, so close to two years so yes she was like 14 when yk but she never told me they were going all the way until she started having those pregnancy symptoms...but also they been friendly with each other since she was like 9 because again she was my my best friend before all of this Her mom is aware of mostly everything and I do believe she did try to report my brother but nothing happened, but Mia lives with her grandparents because of that situation with her mom's ex boyfriend so they're technically her guardians. Also my parents are okay with the relationship because they like Mia and they don't think 4 year gap is bad ( well close to 5 because my brother is 20 soon) again these aren't my feelings those are my parents feeli im just providing an explanation AIO or is my mom enabling my brother ? Made September 20th 2025 So if you're kinda online, this music artist is in like alot of trouble, a d**d body of 15 year old girl was found in a car registered to him. Doing some digging people found out he's connected to her and was in a relationship with her he's 20 years old mind you. But the whole case has me thinking about my friend (F15) | call Mia on Reddit and my brother (M19 but will be 20 in 3 weeks) and how eerily similar it is and It's really freaking me out because I went down the rabbit hole. Like the victim and my friend both have same type of curly hair which I think triggered me and in the clips of victim with that artist match up the same mannerisms of how Mia acts like when she's with my brother which is like avoiding eye contact with people and hiding behind my brother and letting him talk. The whole thing really struck something in me. Like it made my stomach hurt I couldn't sleep. My brother gets insanely jealous and very possessive of Mia. He wanted to know everything she has done sexually including details about her SA just so he knows he's the only guy she's been with, but even then he blamed her for "allowing" that to happen and shamed her for it. she has told me my brother tried to convince her to runaway with him I can honestly go on and on.. mia's mom tried to go to the police about him but it never went anywhere and her mom went on a whole rampage about it on Facebook and said it's race related why they aren't looking into it, ( Mia is mixed, my brother is white and in the military). I don't think it plays a part but I have 2 cousins that are cops for our county and my uncle is a state trooper. I think it didn't go anywhere because Mia no longer lives with her mom. My brother is scary to me so l don't try to provoke him in anyway. Like 3 years ago we got in a fight because of the TV and he punched me in the chest knocked the wind out of me...from that point on I always try to avoid him. He's tall and works out a lot and he uses that to intimidate people and it works. Mia is a small thing and standing she only goes up to my brother's chests so she's a lot shorter than him and he she barely weighs anything like I can throw her if I wanted to. It wouldn't take much for my brother hurt her..he would not need weapon. They're still in contact with each other my brother told me they been texting back and forth all week and he's taking her on a date tonight to win her back. She hasn't been talking to me much which isn't a good sign because it just means she's back with him and doesn't want to tell me about it but AlO about this situation or do I need to calm down? Also this ISNT rage bait I'm dead serious and need help.. it's so unhelpful when people just jumped to that. OPs transcript messages between her and her mom OP: (link’s something from TMZ..? Follow up with) Sad isn't it Mom: Yeah I hope she gets Justice. OP: That's all you gotta say? Doesn't it remind you of one your kids. Mom: What are you talking about? And what the hell do you want me to say ? OP: I mean this situation it's very similar to censored message Mom: No it isn't !! don't compare that to your brother are you insane ?!?! OP: Mom if you read the article I sent you, you should feel honestly triggered...because Im honestly am...they dug through his repost and found some disturbing stuff. Like mom it's like a lot similar to the way **censored message* thinks. mom: Oh stop OP: Mom I think you're underestimating your son... he's actually obsessed with her. Like It's not normal to be that hyper focused on someone. Even last Friday you were there he was huffing and puffing over a RUMOR. Whole time She didn't even go to homecoming but the fact he was ready to show up and cause a scene is crazy mom...and you're just enabling him. Mom: I'm not enabling him to do anything he's a grown man. Regardless of what l tell him he's going to do what he wants to do. You need to stop making up scenarios about him. It's really dangerous what you're insinuating So shame on you for that. OP: Shame on me ?!? Mom I'm simply telling you about your son's actions, it's crazy that you just don't care that he is hurting my friend. He literally has changed everything about her and I don't think she will ever be the same and that makes me sad. Mom: Ofcourse she's not the same yall are growing up and are becoming people That just apart of life censored name Not everything is conspiracy now drop it. What do I(F16) do my friend (F15) wants get back with my brother(M20) who's abusive.. made September 30th 2025 For a bit of background, my friend (F15) we will just call Mia, was in relationship with my brother (M20, he just turned 20 yesterday) they broke up for a bit when he threw something at her while holding their baby. but now they're friendly again. I suspect they're going to get back together soon. She has a pattern, when their off she usually talks to me a lot or she post on Reddit a bunch or other social media apps. But when they're on good terms or back together she stops posting on Reddit and not reply back to me as much. Sure enough I was right I came home from dad's house and saw my mom holding my nephew and mia was upstairs in my brothers room the first time I tried to go in his room the door locked, but second time the door was unlocked and I walked in, they were in a compromising position that's all I got to say that people that are just friends shouldn't be in. I'm fustrated with my friend I don't know why she's so attached I mean I do but then again I don't so I kinda lost it on her in these messages...but one of my other friends told me I'm being to harsh and that I'm just pushing her towards him more and that threatening CPS may have made it worse so what do l even do? Transcript of messages between OP & Mia Mia: Can you please hear me out it's not what you think ... OP: censored name I'm not mad but disappointed I just don't get it and I probably never will. You deserve better... but I can't want something for you if you don't want it for yourself. So l'm drained the only person I'm concerned about is my nephew atp... Mia: I'm not back with him like we aren't official. OP: But you slept over in his room last night... I maybe born at night but not last night, I know how you are censored name why lie😂 Mia: We didn't do anything last night I just stayed over because censored name went bed and I didn't want wake him. I don't think you realize how hard it is to completely be done with someone that you have a kid with. OP: We have a guest room Yk or you could have slept in my room.. there was no reason for you to sleep with him. You're right I don't know how hard it is, but I also have common sense to know you getting back with him is careless and selfish on behalf of the baby to put him an environment where he grows 2/4 sees his dad screaming in his mom's face and potentially beating you. Mia: We're not back together !! we just been getting along better. You don't know how lucky you're l literally have no one and have lost all my friends... you and your family are close to each other my family like hates each other it feels like. Coming over is like an escape from that reality. OP: censored name you do have people that care about you !! Your grandparents ask me all the time if you're okay because they said you're quiet around them. Also you do still have our friends you can reach out to them... I sit with the crew everyday at lunch and they still ask about you. I know censored name kinda has brainwashed you into believing it's y'all against the world. But it's really not it's HIM against the world a lot of people already aware that the relationship is toxic and that's he's controlling over you. I'm not trina to threaten vou but if you go full out in a relationship I will have to call CPS and I don't want to do that. But I just know what he's capable of and you obviously don't. So please be smart and make the right choice. mia: Honestly screw you... you're so mean you know how much censored name means to me and you are trying to make it so I get him taken from me if I don't do what you said it would literally kill me if that happened and you know that so screw you. OP: censored name you need to get your head out of his ass and I'm being so serious. He's trying to get you pregnant again so you have to rely on him, he got his friends to start bullying you at school and guess what once you gave him what he wanted they stopped. He purposely sabotages you so you would need him. censored name the last thing I want to do is call CPS but I'm really concerned about you and censored name. Like you telling me you're scared to say no to him or that you shut down when you sense he's mad about something so he doesn't take it out on you that concerns me. Plus that you often bleed during sex because of how rough he is. I will never forget How he treated you at the hospital, I was crying so much and thought you were going to die because he didn't want you getting an epidural. Then seeing you be so weak you couldn't even hold the baby. I know you don't remember much of it but that shit traumatized me just by watching. love you and you don't deserve censored name despite censored name telling you no man would want you I promise you it's a lot of guys that still like you that don't treat you like sex toy or property. If you can't leave for yourself leave him for my innocent nephew. My friend left her baby with my family on Friday and we haven't heard from her Made on October 6th 2025 Thursday night is the last time I heard from my friend Mia (fake name for Reddit) and Friday afternoon is the last time I seen her. She wasn't in a good headspace emotionally the last time I spoke to her she was having a panic attack. She's been getting bullied at school because someone posted an "expose" vid of her and a lot of people seen it and Friday I did see her at school but she left early. When I got home my nephew was there which is Mia's baby that she shares with my older brother and my mom told me her grandma dropped him off and asked can we watch him until like Sunday night and gave no explanation. Now it's Monday afternoon and we still have my nephew and can't get in contact with anyone on her side. My nephew I can tell just wants his mom every time I show a video of her talking he smiles. he's been cranky today and we're almost out of breast milk for him. I'm really worried about Mia, she LOVES my nephew and she would never just get up and leave him willingly. Us even watching the baby over the weekend is something she would never usually let us do. Her location on find my friends hasn't updated since Friday morning. I drove to her mom's house and grandparents house and there's no sign of life at her grandparents. But her mom was home but didn't know I was talking about it nor really cared it seemed it was bizarre. I don't think she's missing however this is not normal behavior from her. 1st edit from OOP: Small update kinda positive: One of the cops that were getting all of our info's noticed the age gap between my brother and Mia and he wasn't to fond of it, he said tonight he's gonna focus on finding Mia. But he wants to meet with my brother for some questions tomorrow and that he should bring his attorney along. ( Mia is 15 & my brother is 20) 2nd edit from OOP: Update: Mia's brother and CPS have came and taken the baby this morning, my mom was trying to keep the baby there but they wouldn't allow it. My mom is now freaking out because she believe my brother is facing criminal charges. The police still haven't given us an update. 3rd edit from OOP: Small morning update: I'm being pulled from school because my mom told me the cops want to talk to me too. I'm very nervous about talking to them I don't want my family mad at me...but my mom is telling me not to answer any questions relating to my brother and Mia. But to keep it about only Mia. 4th and final edit from OPP: Final update I guess because idk what's going to happen next: I was questioned by like an officer or detective someone in a suit for 3hrs it felt like and the only thing they told me about Mia is that she's ok my nephew was able to see her but she's in the hospital. They refused to tell me why she was there all that she's traumatized and that she's barely telling them anything because she's still protecting my brother. They already been investigating my brother So they brought me in to question me because they needed to know information about the timeline of the relationship between my brother and Mia. They honestly had majority of information already they just needed verification on the timeline. But it concluded with them telling me my mom & brother are going to be charged today but not to worry because they're probably both going to be given bail. But They're just trying to figure out what to exactly charge my brother because it's apparently a difference if she was 12 or 13 when the sexual abuse started? and as for my mom which I'm extremely shocked she's in trouble too but she's facing some child abuse or endangerment charges. They told me I can't contact Mia because her family made it clear to the police that they don't want my family near her. Which I understand but I'm so emotional about it because she's my best friend and now I can't speak to her. OOP clairfaction on what happened with Mia What happened with Mia update: today at school it was PSA to keep Mia in our prayers because she was in the ICU. Mia's cousin told me she tried to take her own life Friday and that she's in the hospital recovering from that attempt because she was pretty close to succeeding and really harmed herself. But it's tricky because she's denying that she attempted so she can go home and be with her baby and is also still defending my brother...she still believes he loves her. The doctors I guess is mad with her family for not following the care plan because they let her see her baby so soon after a big attempt like that shutting the door for any progress. they did though found a letter she wrote to my nephew and left in the bassinet with him, so they can put a psychiatric hold on her. The whole thing is so extremely sad I feel awful that she felt so stuck and that she felt that was the only way out. My brother has her brain washed and already prepared her for the moment the police were going to question her, he told her if she was ever honest with the police about their relationship they would take away her baby because she's mixed and the baby is white..he's using her racism trauma she experienced in our town in a means to scare her and it's working...l've been trying to tell the cops that they need to tell her that they won't take my nephew, because knowing her that's the only thing she cares about truly. OOP clarification on what’s happened with her family: As for my mom and brother (MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING DETAILS OF ABUSE MENTION DONT READ IF YOUR A SURVIVOR) : this cop in particular is not letting up on my brother and he basically asked my brother give him a good reason why shouldn't he charge him with rape in the first degree instead of a statutory rape charge. He's facing more charges on top of that just one. Apparently from what my mom told me the cops saw the CP my brother filmed of Mia and made my mom read the transcript out loud of what was said in these videos in the interrogation, she was I guess denying my brother was ever abusive and that Mia "consented" and that she will never force her to do anything she didn't want too because she sees her as a second daughter. The cops highlighted the parts in the transcript of Mia not consenting. In every video it's noted she's says ouch a lot, in every video she's telling him he's hurting her and that he going to rough and my brother respond with "it's okay" or "it's fine it's almost over" but never stopping. One video that I think really got to my mom and hopefully a wake up call was it had an argument in the beginning of this video my brother wanted Mia to do something and she was expressing not like doing that certain thing because it takes away her ability to breathe and he told her if she loved him she would do it..but she still was telling him no and he gets mad at her to point of making her cry. Then she said "I don't want you mad at me" and he replies "then do it" and then she says she'll do it but only if he cuddles with her afterwards not a short one but long one. Idk if my mom's perspective has finally changed but she's not acting like she was before and more sad and bed rotting. I guess the cops reasoning for making my mom read it was to kinda see how bad the dynamic of the relationship was and that it's not just young love like she's been telling everyone. Also the only reason I know about these transcripts because they made my mom take it home and read it. I briefly saw it but it's too much it's very graphic detail like describes frame by frame what's g on and it's too much...my mom talked about burning it. Relevant Comments : Wonderful_Bottle_852: Is she a minor? Her parent needs to report her missing to the police if she is missing. EDIT I looked at your other post. Is she with your brother??? OOP response Trust me my mind did go automatically to him, but I think he's telling the truth that he hasn't spoken or seen her since last Wednesday. he's been blowing up her entire family because he's exhausted with caring for the baby.. As far as her mom, she was high as a kite and I honestly don't think she registered what I was telling her at least I hope she didn't because her demeanor was like she was annoyed that I was even there. Fun-Yellow-6576: Is an exposé video porn? I'm unfamiliar. If not is, it should be reported to the police. OOP response: So the video that went around about her was, one of my brother's friends filmed on his phone a discord call they were all in and my brother's camera was off, but the mic was on and it basically picked up the noises of her and my brother like doing it. So people have been mocking her by like imitating those noises. Idk if it would classify as CP because no nudity was shown just like the noises of it. ebonyjaide: I know you're sad OP but your mom needs to face some repercussions for what she allowed to happen under her roof. Hopefully your brother has never harmed you and if he has you're not at fault and you would be a victim. OOP response: Oh I know for sure my mom is just being held accountable, but the cops were harsh on her and basically let her know she is the villain in the situation. My mom knew that Mia was previously abused by Mia's mom's ex boyfriend and so do the cops because the ex was arrested. But he said the timelines with the ex and my brother overlapped and how it's absolutely horrible that she was coming over A-lot to flee from that abuse just to be abused in our household too. As far as my brother ever doing anything to me No he hasn't. So it's like shocking when people call him a pedo, I mean I understand why they feel that way because visually the size difference between him and Mia is nuts but also he never tried this with my other female friends or like any of my family members trust me I really thoroughly asked them all. I thought he only went for Mia because she's pretty and he knew boys in our grade liked her, so him being narcissist I thought he just wanted to claim her before anyone else did. Would I be wrong to still contact my best friend, when her family requested not too? made October 9th 2025 My friend that we will call "Mia" ( F15) is in the hospital for mental health reasons. The way me and her left off wasn't good and given the circumstances of what like drove her to be there. I feel awful and I just want to tell her I love her and that I'm sorry. There's no PG or casual way to say this, but my brother (M20) and my mom (F44). Were charged for stuff pertaining to Mia. Because basically my mom allowed my brother and Mia to date and sleep in the same room at night when she was supposed to be sleeping in my room and obviously a baby came from that. I've been interviewed by like some sort of prosecutor or detective and they told me Mia's family requested my family doesn't contact her. I understand that when comes to like my mom and brother. However me I just feel like it's unfair like she's my best friend and never wanted her to go through the things she did. Also I find it hard to respect anything with what her "family" wants now. Because they never gave a crap about her until now. She would literally spend weeks at a time at our house, Even when we started high school she was having a hard time registering because no one in her family did. My brother had to help her get signed up for school. I also sat with her when this same "family" sent her to voicemail when she needed help with her mom. So I'm wondering if I would be wrong to just reach out to her still? If it was her that requested I would obviously respect it. But her family minus like her grandparents don't even know her... comments TN-Belle0522 Leave the girl ALONE. Be glad you aren't being charged as an accessory after the fact for statutory r@pe! You SERIOUSLY thought it was ok for your friend, who was YOUNGER THAN 15 to be sharing a room with your ADULT brother when you had sleepovers, and not tell her parents or the police??? Damn, with friends like you, who'd need enemies?? OP What the hell are you even talking about it if you look at anything in my Reddit history I HAVE BEEN TRYING... you people are sick for saying I was okay with what he was doing too her, I was calling the police department and talking to guidance counselor and no one gave shit until she tried to kill herself !!! and also I can snitch all day but if she's not being honest with these authority figures they can't do shit. I'm glad my brother and my mom are being held accountable. But it's very sick and untrue to accuse me of being okay with what he was doing, I didn't know there age gap was wrong until she got pregnant. Editors note please remember rule number 7 and remember OOP is also young, when it comes to tone checking them so keep your criticisms here. submitted by /u/Mamakayce to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/ThrowRANoRespectWife Originally posted to r/AITAH AITAH for asking my wife to choose our family over hers? Trigger Warnings: emotional abuse and manipulation, job loss, mentions of abuse, body injury, seizures, fears of infidelity, mentions infidelity AITAH for asking my wife to choose our family over hers?: August 29, 2025 AITAH for asking my wife to choose our family over hers? I posted on here a bit ago about a situation when I sort of forced my way into a zoo trip my wife had planned with the kids, my parents, and my in-laws (see my previous post.)A lot of people thought I was the AH for doing that, even though that wasn’t the point of the post. But now, I’ve found myself in a similar situation and tried doing the opposite and it doesn’t seem to be working out any better. So, my wife has already told me that I am the AH in this situation, even if she didn’t use those exact words. And I know nothing Reddit has to say about it would change her mind (especially since I won’t/can’t tell her that I’m even posting about it) but I’m starting to question my own judgement a bit here, so maybe you all can set me straight. My wife and I are in the middle of a really rough patch in our marriage. We separated for six months and even when we ended the separation, the issues that caused it weren’t fixed. Long story short: I lost my job when she was pregnant, she asked me to move out, when I moved back in I was sleeping in the basement for quite a while, she’s refused any sort of physical contact, and we’ve just started marriage counseling (second session was last night.) And in MC, I’ve come to learn that her family more or less hates me. Or, at the very least, doesn’t trust me. Like not at all. During our MC session last night, our therapist said that it was important for us to start spending more time together, both as a family (two kids) and as a couple. My wife was resistant to the idea of ‘date nights’ so the counselor reframed it as ‘exposure therapy’. Basically, she said that neither of us will ever get past the barriers that have built up in our relationship if we continue to essentially live separate lives. My wife seemed to understand that and was fairly receptive to the idea, at least while we were in the counselor’s office. Which brings us to this weekend. In America, it’s a holiday weekend and our family has a long-standing tradition of spending the three-day weekend at my in-law’s camp on a lake. My SIL and her family come and most of my wife’s extended family pops in at least for an afternoon/evening or two, even if they don’t spend the night. Some of her and my SIL’s friends from high school usually drop by for a catch up, too and I know my wife has been trying to reconnect with friends in an effort to find an identity outside of just being a mom and a wife. But, given our current marital strife, the knowledge that my MIL has actively and repeatedly tried to convince my wife that we should not be together (which I’ve known about for barely a week), my new and growing worry that my mistakes are now a black cloud hanging over my relationships with all of my wife’s family and friends, and that due to space constraints, we’d not only have to share a room but also a bed, it seemed to me like heading to camp should be a no-go. My wife didn’t agree. In fact, fifteen minutes after we got home from our MC session last night, she started packing up for the weekend. But she was only packing for her and the kids. She didn’t come right out and say it, but it was pretty obvious (even to usually oblivious me) that the plan was for my family to go to the lake without me even though we’d just been told a little more than an hour before that we needed to spend time together. I tried pointing that out in as calm and as non-confrontational a way as I could, using the ‘I feel’ statements that our therapist suggested. I said to my wife: “I feel like this weekend is a really good opportunity for us to spend time together as a family and I really feel like if three-fourths of us go to camp, that isn’t just living separate lives but making a point of living separate lives.” At first, she thought I was trying to be included in the trip and go with her and the kids, much like I forced my way into the zoo trip. I quickly explained that no, that was one hundred percent not what I wanted (without even mentioning that being around my MIL for an entire weekend would have required my entire bottle of Xanax) and what I was hoping for was that she and the kids could stay home with me. There’s a whole bunch of picnic and BBQ and block party events going on in and around our neighborhood and I thought we could go to some of those and spend time as a family. In my head, starting off by doing something as a whole family instead of just as a couple would build in a buffer for her, would give me a chance to show that I can be a real partner in parenting, and would let her see me in what I know is my best light: as a dad. That was what I thought in my head but, apparently, my head and my wife’s head were not on the same page as she said no to that idea by saying: “I want to spend the weekend with my family.” One thing our therapist stressed repeatedly was that to have any chance at productive conversations, we both need to avoid any kind of escalation in our communication, which was probably because things escalated more than once during our latest session. So, I took a deep breath and did not point out that spending the weekend with me and the kids would be spending it with her family. And despite what many many many Redditors have said I should do, I didn’t lay out any ultimatums or ask her to cut back on contact with her family or suggest that she was planning some kind of lakeside hookup with some guy my MIL might better approve of. But this is when I might have been the AH (or definitely was, according to my wife). I tried sticking to the ‘I feel’ idea and told her that I felt like if she took the kids and went to camp without me, especially if she went less than a day after our counselor said we needed more time together, that she was making a choice and that choice was clearly not us. So, in her mind, for all intents and purposes: I gave her an ultimatum. Do you think she took that well and we were able to have a calm and productive and healthy conversation about it and maybe even come to some sort of compromise? Do you think I’d be posting this at almost midnight on the Friday of a holiday weekend because my blood pressure is through the roof and I can’t sleep if she did? She told me, in no uncertain terms, that I was an AH for laying that all on her, reminded me that it was my choices that got us here in the first place, stopped packing, and after making sure both kids were asleep, she went into our bedroom (which has been only her bedroom for the last year), shut the door and locked it. And now I have no idea if I’m going to wake up to my wife and kids waiting to hang out with me and spend the next three days together or if they’ll be on the road to camp before the sun is even up. I do know that she thinks I am absolutely the AH. And I kinda think she might be right. AITAH for telling my wife she was choosing her family over her family with me and the kids? AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Relevant Comments OOP responds to a comment on his wife not understanding that her kids are also his as well. She shouldn't be separating her kids from their dad. OOP: I'll admit it - I was thinking a lot of this on Friday night after I posted. Spent most of the night getting increasingly pissed off which was sort of the opposite of what the counselor said I should be doing. I was ready for a fight. And then my wife actually came to me and offered a compromise and while I was still a bit angry, I did my best to see it as an olive branch and chose to take it instead of breaking it. We'll see where things go from here. Commenter: I’m very curious how much you helped with parenting, home maintenance and financial support to the kids during the separation. And why you haven’t agreed to your wife cutting back her hours like she desperately needs to? OOP: Until I got an actual job and not just PT work to keep some money coming in, she was the primary financial support. But when I got my current job, I was able to get back to contributing what I had before and, eventually, even more than I had. The entire time I wasn't living at home, every penny I made that I didn't have to spend on food or gas was put directly into our joint account and available for her to use for the house and the kids. I parented as much as possible, including picking my son up in the mornings and evenings. I took him to doctor's appointments and went to every baby-related appointment with my wife. I don't think she wanted me at all of them at first, but she's since told me that it reassured her that no matter the outcome for our marriage, I would still be fully present as a father. And not to be defensive or an AH, but I have to ask: why do you think she desperately needs to cut back her hours? But I'm the one working three jobs and cutting back on her hours would make that more of a permanent thing, rather than a get us back on stable ground thing. Just wondering why you think that's a desperate need.   Update #1: September 5, 2025 (one week later) Update: AITAH for asking my wife to choose our family over hers? I got a comment yesterday wondering if my silence was a positive or negative sign (it was a sign of a crazy week at work) so I thought I should take the chance to post an update today since I have a bit of time. You can see the specific incident I’m updating in my previous post and there’s a bunch of posts on my history from the sub I originally started posting on, if you want more background/context or reasons to question whether I have a spine. I mentioned in a comment reply to my last post that my wife actually woke me up early the morning after I had basically given her an ultimatum to choose between our family and her family. She wanted to talk before she and the kids left for my in-law’s camp. TBH, I was expecting it to be the ‘I’m not coming back’ or ‘we should get lawyers’ talk, but it wasn’t. To my surprise, my wife (I called her ‘Carrie’ on the other sub, so I will do so here, too) actually apologized. She said the comment about wanting to spend the weekend with “her family” had been out of line and intended to hurt me. She was pissed, annoyed at me because she knew I was kinda right about what I was saying, and she lashed out. It’s not the first time that’s happened so her explanation didn’t shock me that much. But she also said that she understood where I was coming from. If we want to fix things - and we’ve both said we do - then lashing out like that needs to stop and we do need to spend time together as a family. And she completely got why choosing to spend the entire weekend with her family, whose dislike for me had just become public knowledge, instead of being with me might have been upsetting for me. For a moment, I thought she was going to invite me to camp with her and I’m not gonna lie, I was panicking. I was worried that right after I’d more or less demanded she spend time with me, I was going to have to refuse an invitation to do exactly that. But there was no chance I was going to willingly spend three days with my MIL or SIL, particularly not after our last counseling session. Carrie didn’t invite me. Instead, she offered a compromise: she and the kids would go to camp Saturday and stay until midday Sunday, then come home and spend the rest of the weekend with me. There were some family members of hers who live out in California who would be there on Saturday and she doesn’t get to see them very often, so… That actually felt really fair to me and like Carrie was putting in an honest effort to try and meet me halfway, so I agreed. They left for camp that morning and came back on Sunday, as planned, and we had a really nice day and a half together. There was a block party kind of thing on Monday and we took the kids to that and I made sure to handle baby duty with our daughter as much as possible, to give Carrie a break. She seemed pretty appreciative of that and got to spend some time with a few of our neighbors that she’s struck up friendships with and introduced me to some of them who I hadn’t met yet. It was… nice. It felt normal, I guess. But as the day wore on and it got to be time to head back home, I started getting anxious. The kids were wiped and would clearly be heading straight to bed, which would leave me and Carrie alone for more than the hour or so we’d had on Sunday night. If we followed the counselor’s advice, we should spend that time together. I was under no illusion that spending time was going to result in any sort of spousal relations or anything like that, but there would have to be talking and I was concerned about what topic of conversation wouldn’t lead us to some sort of trouble. And it felt like maybe I was right when the first thing Carrie said was that she wanted to talk about the possibility of her having those “girls’ nights” with her mom and sister. We’d essentially punted on that topic during our last counseling session. Other things had come up that had escalated tensions and the therapist said we probably weren’t in the best place to make a good decision about any of it at that moment. But since she’d spent a day and a half with my MIL and SIL, I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised it came back up. I was surprised that she offered another compromise: she didn’t have to cut her work hours down to part-time, she’d just have to adjust hours on other days so she could leave early on the girls’ nights days and come in late the following day. Apparently, she’d already cleared that with work and could start doing it whenever she wanted, even as soon as this week. She hadn’t been at work since our last session so it was obvious that she’d gotten all this “clearance” before we had even talked about it with the therapist. On the one hand, I could see how it was a compromise and seemed pretty fair, which was good. On the other hand, I felt sort of misled (not sure that’s the right word.) Like she had made the compromise about the weekend to soften me up for the possibility of agreeing to girls’ nights. I’ll say that that might be me being paranoid or overly suspicious and that’s probably a direct result of how many “she’s planning to cheat or already is” comments I’ve gotten here. But just because you’re paranoid, that doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you, right? I did my best to ignore the paranoia but also get to what was starting to worry me. I asked her flat out why having a weekly girls’ night with her mom and sister (something she’d never done before) was so important to her now, especially since both MIL and SIL are very actively against our marriage. I said I didn’t want to cut her off from them or prevent her from having some fun and an escape, but the idea of her spending an entire night out drinking and in situations where there’s a pretty high likelihood of venting/complaining about relationships with two people who might be inclined to encourage her worst instincts when it came to our relationship made me really anxious. I didn’t suggest that she might be using it as an opportunity to cheat; I didn’t even let on that the thought that she might find someone else had crossed my mind (or the minds of a lot of anonymous Redditors.) I stayed as far away from any of that as possible and tried to keep the conversation focused on my worries about her spending that much time with my MIL and SIL. Carrie said she understood. She said that was a reasonable concern, especially given all that she’d shared in our sessions about her mom’s feelings toward me. And she said that, normally, she’d probably give in and stay home and spend that time with me and the kids. But, she said: “My sister needs me, right now. Her husband left her.” Apparently, BIL left SIL the day after the family’s annual 4th of July party (my in-laws have way too many holiday get togethers) and my SIL is not taking it well. And when SIL doesn’t take something well, my MIL takes it worse and since BIL was the golden boy, the perfect son-in-law, the one I was always unfavorably compared to, there’s a lot of upset and anger and sadness and Carrie feels like she needs to spend time with her family to support her sister. She wants to help SIL navigate suddenly being a single parent and help her figure out if she can find a way to reconcile with BIL, and basically act like SIL’s conscience and keep her from making any bad choices while there’s still the possibility of saving her marriage. Bad choices like hooking up with some random dude at a bar during one of their girls’ nights. Which, as I found out last night in counseling, is exactly the reason BIL left her. She cheated on him. So, my wife is asking me to be OK with her spending nights out with her mother (who hates me) and her sister (who’s a cheater and hates me) and not feel any kind of way about all that. And even if I do, it doesn’t really matter as SIL needs her and Carrie’s already made it “all good” with work and in doing that she was “compromising” on what she really wanted and had asked for and that’s a good thing and a sign of progress for our own reconciliation and both Carrie and our therapist think if I can just see it in those terms, I’ll realize that there’s nothing to be worried or upset about. Which is how I got here. Writing an update to Reddit while my daughter is napping in her crib next to me and my wife is on her way to her mother’s house for girls’ night which got moved to Friday night thanks to the holiday, so she doesn’t even have to worry about work tomorrow. And I am just fine with that. Really. I’m totally, one hundred percent fine with it. I even told Carrie that on her way out the door. Go ahead, Reddit. Tell me I’m an idiot. An idiot trying to cling to any small steps in the right direction for his family, but still an idiot. I may update later on the other sub about the last two MC sessions because they were both a lot but this post was already a freaking novel. And I’m still processing everything I’ve heard from Carrie and the therapist. I’m slow when it comes to stuff like that. Let me know if anyone cares to hear about it, after you get done yelling at me in the comments. tl;dr: Wife and I compromised over holiday weekend plans. We spent time together as a family and it was good. She still wants girls' nights because her sister's husband just left her after she cheated on him during a night out. Relevant Comments OOP responds to a comment regarding his family background making him like he's the second best. And likely that his wife and her family is doing the same to him OOP: So, I spent most of the weekend offline trying to be present with my kids and my wife when she got back home. But I was also processing this comment. And I'll be honest: I didn't want to hear what you were saying and I didn't want to think about any of it potentially being true. And I really didn't want to consider the idea that the person who thinks the least of me is actually me. I might not have wanted to do all that or think about all that, but I did. It kind of ate at me and I did a much better job of hiding that than I did hiding my feelings at the job I lost (so, I've learned something) but when I was alone at night, I really couldn't hide it. I have no idea what I'm going to do next or what I want to do, but I do understand that what I've been doing is not sustainable or healthy. I have an appointment with my old individual therapist this week. I texted her last night, hoping for a response today but she replied almost immediately, She's squeezing me in for an emergency session. I got the feeling from what she said that she might have been expecting this to happen sooner or later. So, even though I didn't want to hear it and it hurt a lot, thank you for the comment. It gave me a push I didn't want to admit that I needed. Commenter: Man, when you have been starved for so long, even the tiniest crumbs feel like a feast. That's all this is. OOP: You have no idea. My son gave me a hug yesterday and then dragged my wife into it and it was the first physical contact in forever. Between that and her compromising on the weekend, I felt like it was an emotional Thanksgiving buffet.   Update #2: September 11, 2025 (six days later) Update 2: AITAH for asking my wife to choose between her family and ours Previous posts in my history. Can't get linking to work on mobile. Not the update I had planned for. I thought I was going to post about the revelations in marriage counseling and more about my own therapy session. And instead, I'm writing this while sitting in an uncomfortable pleather chair in the family lounge of our local children's hospital, where I've been for about the last twenty-four hours. Long story short - my son fell down the stairs in our house. At minimum, he broke his arm. I say at minimum because they've been evaluating him for head trauma and there are questions as to what caused the fall. We have very specific rules for the stairs with him. No socks or footie pj's. Always hold the railing. Go very slowly. And if mom or dad are there and not holding his sister, hold one of their hands. He was good on the first three. We even installed a second railing below the first one, at a more age appropriate height. He had a grip on it. But I was the only one home and was carrying his sister down the stairs, so he didn't take my hand. I don't know what happened, exactly. I've described it like twenty times to the doctors and to my wife. But it's still not entirely clear. He was down three steps and his foot was out to go down one more and then he just stopped. And then dropped. It was about six more steps to the bottom and I chased but couldn't get there and I think it was when he hit the landing that his arm broke. But he didn't even cry out. I called 9-1-1 and then my wife but had to leave her a voicemail and how the fuck do you leave that message without sounding like it's the end of the damn world? I don't even remember what I said. But then the ambulance was there and off we went to the hospital and here we've been since. My wife met us there a couple hours later which was after they'd given my son some children's painkillers and something to calm him down a bit (they told/explained them all to me but I don't remember fuck all except him crying) so at least she didn't have to see the worst of it. My in-laws and parents have both come by and my daughter is with my parents now. There was no drama like at the zoo as apparently we're all able to be adults when the kid is hurting. And no, before someone asks: my wife wasn't at girls’ night. She had a massive work event for all the offices in our region that was being held two hours away. She got back as quickly as she could. No one, including my wife or her mom or the doctors, has blamed me for what happened. The guilt is eating me alive, though. I should have been quicker. I should have been in front of him and not behind him. Hell, the only reason I'm even writing this is because my wife is in with him and she told me to take a break because she saw how bad it was getting for me. Like it or not, she still knows me pretty well. And I guess I just needed to see it in writing, on the screen, to see if it might make any more sense. It doesn't. I expect we're going to be here a while longer. I haven't slept since Wednesday night. I might crash in this awful chair and try to shut off my brain. Or I might respond to the msgs in my inbox that I haven't gotten to. With my family not here and Ellie off on her final family camping trip of the season, y'all are about the only people I've got to talk to when I take a mental health break. I'll update when I can. Hopefully, it will be less busted arms and head trauma and more SIL cheated and it's all BIL's fault. tl;dr: son fell down the stairs. Broken arm and maybe head trauma. Family all came to the hospital. No drama ensued. I'm feeling guilty as hell. EDIT: We're being released today. He's in good spirits and excited to have everyone sign his cast. And he's already bonked me in the head with it twice. Thank you everyone for all the supportive msgs! Relevant Comments OOP should check in with the doctors about getting EKG for his son about the possible seizures OOP: My very basic WebMD search while I was waiting in the hospital led me to the same conclusion and, as it turns out, the actual doctors think so, too. We'll be seeing a neurologist soon, though we did meet with a neuro attending in the hospital who was less than helpful. + It was a seizure. I believe the term is an 'absence seizure'. He's had three more of them since the stairs. It isn't clear yet if this is a permanent thing or something he is going to outgrow. So far, he hasn't had them in any kind of dangerous situation since that first one. Commenter 2: Accidents happen unfortunately. You can't blame yourself. You have rules to make sure he stays safe. (Maybe add parents walk in front if he's walking alone.) But there is only so much you can do. Things will happen outside of your control. There was no way you could have got him carrying his sister in your arms and being higher up than him. Try to redirect your guilt. Two more things, the first being I agree with the other comment that suggested this sounds like he could have had a seizure given what you described. Please ask for a consult with a neurologist and explain what happened. Second, be prepared for a CPS visit. It's standard procedure. They will come visit and make sure the home is safe then close the case and be on their way. Don't freak out. Just make sure things at home are in order. Please update us again later on. OOP: A social worker (not sure if she was connected to CPS) spoke with us in the hospital. She did say that it was just routine and that my son's injuries were consistent with a fall and not some sort of abuse. She spoke with my wife and I together and separately and I obviously can't know for sure what Carrie said during their individual conversation, I do know that in the joint discussion she made it very clear that she did not think I had done anything and that it could have just as easily happened when she was watching him. Commenter 3: Good luck to you all. Kids heal from broken bones and head injuries. I've dealt with both, and I'm purple square raccoon. Seriously, you did exactly what you are supposed to do. You called the emergency line. You called your wife. You took care of your children. Call out of your jobs and try and get some rest. OOP: My son is already the toughest kid I know. He's handled this way better than either of his parents. And I actually took a full leave of absence from job #3. It's only for a few weeks but I felt like I had to. I told my wife I was doing it and it wasn't up for negotiation. Turns out that I didn't have to be so firm about it as she was already planning to ask me to do it. We'll see what happens in a few weeks but for now, I have more time to spend with both my kids. OOP did the right thing, by calling the proper authorities and then calling his wife about their son's situation OOP: Calling my wife and leaving the msg was stressful but she told me that the way I stayed calm really helped her not lose it. And she actually said that I handled the whole thing better than she would have. I'm holding onto that when my intrusive thoughts get too loud.   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ginger_pretzel_mama AIO- Mother in Law says I'm "ruining" the weird photos she tried to sneak of my new baby Originally posted to r/AmIOverreacting TRIGGER WARNING: Invasion of privacy and body shaming Original Post July 30, 2025 Need to get some feedback on this because it's driving me crazy. My (37-F) family has been staying with my husband's (36-M) parents (59-F and 59-M) for a week, and we'll be at their home for another week before we have to head home to get the kids ready for back to school. My mother in law and I don't necessarily get along but she's been trying to play nice since I gave birth to our 4th child, a boy, 4 months ago. However, I suppose the nice act has ended because she's been stirring the pot and pushing my buttons since we got to their house: rummaging through my clothes, whining that I should bottle feed instead of nursing so she has a chance to feed "her baby", the works. I've been biting my tongue because my husband loves his family and this is some of the only time we get to see his siblings, but at the end of this week, MIL storms downstairs while we're eating breakfast and the kids are in the yard playing, claiming we needed to talk. I go through a mental checklist to try to figure out which one of her "household rules" I've broken, or how I've managed to piss her off this time, when she slaps her phone down on the counter and begins scrolling through photos that are all of me and the baby, photos she apparently took while I wasn't paying attention, as most of them are blurry or from strange angles (down low as though she angled her phone up while it was in her lap, one of them is taken through a crack in the door to Hubs and I's bedroom). I ask MIL what her problem is and why she's been taking photos of me and the baby like a lunatic instead of just asking for my help with taking photos I'd approve of (I don't want my infant son's face plastered all over her social media, I cover it with emojis in my Facebook pictures). She complains that she doesn't want to put "those stupid pictures" all over his face, and that I won't put him down long enough for her to get a photo of him by himself (he's been contact napping and I wear him for most of the day), and she can't post the photos she took because I'm "huge" and "ruining them by looking ridiculous". For context, I'm definitely on the heavier side (5'3'' and 230lbs), and because half of these photos are from a weird low angle, I have a prominent double chin, and baby is usually pressed up against me either in my arms or his wrap, so the photos are pretty much just unflattering pictures of me, with baby's head and maybe an arm or a leg visible. I tell her that I'm not going to entertain this behavior and since she decided to approach the supposed problem like this, she can work with what she's already got but she's definitely not getting a solo photo-op with my baby now. Hubby is understanding and supports my decision, even getting in the way when he sees MIL trying to sneakily take more photos, or distracting her so I can leave the room, but some people think I'm blowing this out of proportion. FIL says MIL has a right to take photos of her grandchild and it's not her fault that I'm insecure about how fat I am, Hubby's twin sister is also being dismissive because "She's always been catty about weight, why are you acting so insulted like it's the first time?". Even MY sister, when I called and complained about this, acted like I was making mountains out of mole hills, "She was like this 60 pounds ago, why is it suddenly a big deal again?" No one will listen to me when I insist that I don't care about her comments on my weight, I care that she's sneaking around taking photos like a stalker because she doesn't respect me enough to ask my permission to take photos of my baby. She doesn't want to have to follow my rules about covering his face, and can't wrench him out of my arms to get pictures of him, so she's just been acting like a creep instead. I'm NURSING him in one of these photos, this is weird right? Am I crazy? RELEVANT COMMENTS Throwaway5836363 NOR - I'd report her pics on social media with your baby and say that it's inappropriate child content or something. Because the pics look like they've been taken stealthily it kind of works in your favour lol. I'm sorry people aren't respectful of your wishes, but it's great that your husband is and he seems to be trying to help. Also sidenote, you are allowed to be annoyed at somebody body shaming you and ask them to stop! I hate how older generations think they are allowed a pass for things like this, racism, sexism etc. OOP I didn't even think about reporting her photos, if they manage to pop up on her FB I'll definitely do that to get them taken down. I've told her to mind her business about my body, especially in front of my children, but she's nosy and can't help but make comments, so long as they're just to me or to my husband in private I can at least let them roll off, she's been somewhat better about keeping her mouth shut while the older kids are around. ~ Key_Virus3752 So fucking weird. Her baby? What? Psychotic tbh. I wouldn’t be able to deal with this OOP She's baby crazy and so far my children are her only grandkids. I'm glad I haven't lost it and that this IS creepy behavior, if Hubs didn't like his siblings so much we'd never set foot in this house. EDIT: Thank you guys for proof that I'm not crazy. I honestly didn't even think about going home early, I was fully prepared to just grit my teeth for the rest of this visit because we only took one car on the drive up here. I'm packing my and my son's things, and when Husband gets back from fishing with his dad and his brother, I'm asking him if he can drive me and the baby back home. I'll be able to have peace of mind and have the house to myself for a few days so I can get things in order before the kids have to go back to school. EDIT 2/ Update: Husband is back, they're home from fishing early because BIL lost his pole and they forgot to bring any spares. He and I have been texting since he left early this morning and he's taking the baby and I home, and we're planning on having a conversation about what time spent with his folks will look like going forward on the drive back. Thank you all for the advice, giving me the gumption to leave early, and keeping me company with your comments while I packed my stuff. Update Aug 2, 2025 [UPDATE] AIO- Mother in Law says I'm "ruining" the weird photos she tried to sneak of my new baby Update from my original post made a few days ago which can be accessed here. I wasn't going to update because I got home with the baby and settled in and thought nothing of it, just communicated with my husband and my 14 year old through texts and phone calls while they were gone, but problems started to follow pretty soon after. After my husband returned to his parents' house without the baby and I, his mother huffed and started grumbling about how dramatic I am, how possessive I am of "her baby", how I was ruining this trip for everyone. SIL began winding her up, talking about how I didn't want anyone else to build a relationship with the baby. Husband told both of them to mind their business and get a grip, mentioning to MIL that he needed to have a serious talk with her once the kids left with BIL for lunch. MIL rolled her eyes and walked off. They have a talk and Husband insists to MIL and FIL that they can't expect me to roll over and let them stomp all over my limits just because they want access to our baby, that we are the final say in what happens with our children and if they can't get on board with that, they can forget about seeing them, especially not unsupervised. He told MIL that her sneaking around acting like my word meant nothing was childish and proved that she wasn't trustworthy, and he told both of them to keep their opinions about my weight to themselves. This starts what Husband told me later was a practically 2-3 hour argument that only stopped because BIL came back with the kids and husband refused to discuss this in front of them. MIL pulling out crocodile tears and asking why he won't defend her, insisting that I'm "trying to ruin their relationship" (Husband has never been close with his mother), and that she just wants to show off her baby to her friends and the extended family. Husband responds that if she really wanted to take pictures of the baby, all she had to do was ask for help so he or I could cover the baby's face, MIL and FIL argue that they shouldn't have to ask permission, they're grown adults and can do as they please in their own house. Husband reminds them that it is our baby, not theirs, and since they felt so strongly, that is why I removed myself from the situation, and if they wanted to see my baby, they could do it at our house, where they'll have to follow our rules. This went back and forth, with MIL eventually shouting and stomping her feet until BIL returned. For the rest of the day, MIL was grumbling under her breath and practically ignoring our older children, even as my 5 year old was clamoring for her attention. Husband paid her no mind, and spent the evening playing board games with the kids and BIL while SIL and his mother sulked in the kitchen. Fast forward to last night, husband was having a couple of beers with his brother while MIL and SIL have wine in the kitchen, FIL had gone to bed early and the kids were asleep. Husband hears MIL and SIL giggling to each other and while casually checking his phone, he sees that MIL has posted all of the photos she took of me on her facebook page, captioning them with "[My name] won't let me see my grandson, so you'll have to excuse her hogging the frame". In the comments of her post, she was chatting with her sisters about me: derogatory comments on my hair (as my icon and username reflects, I'm a natural redhead), shaming me for my "selfishness", and obviously comments on my body. Husband flips his shit, demanding that MIL take the photos down or he'd take her phone from her and do it himself, apparently there were more photos than even the ones we saw at first, and in several of them my top is fully open, nursing bra unclipped. MIL is unaware husband is serious and tries teasing him that she thought he wasn't ashamed of being married to a fat woman. Husband rushes into the kitchen and snatches MIL's phone out of her hands after a brief scuffle, deleting the photos from MIL's facebook and then taking them off of her phone altogether, before throwing her phone down on the counter and telling her that he was leaving first thing in the morning. MIL scowls and starts shouting that it isn't fair he's taking my side, he responds that he loves me, that it isn't my side vs hers, it's OUR side vs hers. I'm pretty out of the loop about all of this at this point. I've been cleaning the house, looking after the baby, and dealing with the cold I was apparently incubating for the first week of our visit, so I get a call from hubs while I'm doing laundry in the basement, he's in his car trying to keep himself calm but says that he'll be home early with the kids in the morning and that he wanted to have a discussion with me about our plans moving forward. He tells me what happened, I calm him down, and we both head to bed. Fast forward to this morning and I get up early with the baby to have breakfast and coffee waiting, Hubs arrives with 14, 10 and 5 at about 6AM, we have breakfast, and then the kids peel off to do their own thing. Our daughters leave for their friends' houses, and the 5 year old goes into the basement den to watch cartoons on the big TV. Hubs and I talk, and he says he's done with that annual visit to his parents' place, and that he's planning to have some one-on-one time with his brother a few times a year instead. We go over a plan of action in terms of much stricter boundaries, deciding that the kids won't be going to the in-laws' house anymore, and while the in-laws visit us at our house, if they act out, they'll be kicked out. MIL has been blowing up his phone since he left, but he's ignoring her for the time being and helping me with cleaning. He also sheepishly admitted that as disrespectful and frustrating as MIL's creepy photos were, they'd given him a new appreciation for my round face (I picked a winner, y'all, truly). TL;DR- MIL had a tantrum after I left and posted the photos she took- even more than I'd previously seen- onto Facebook until DH deleted them after taking her phone from her. Husband returned home with our kids and now we're back to business with new rules in place for MIL and FIL for the future. RELEVANT COMMENTS CountessOpal I assume this is your first boy? I say that as your MIL hasn't pulled this shit with your girls. I suggest that if your in laws come to your house or you meet them elsewhere, then all of their phones are kept by you. That is the only way you are going to control the photos. I bet they won't comply, so say it is non-negotiable. Congratulations on having a husband who backs you up against his family. I would have smashed the phone up completely after deleting the photos. Did he check there wasn't any online backup of them? Your in-laws sound awful. Just say no phones or cameras in the future, and they will probably stay away. That would be a massive win for you. Red heads are supposed to have a super firey temper. You sound very restrained. OOP It's our second, our kids are 14F, 10F, 5M and 4mo M. We're definitely considering that the in-laws' phones will have to be sealed in those pouches teachers are making kids put their phones in now or something. Hubby's spine makes me proud, I love that man, he screened MIL's phone to make sure there were no backups before he put her phone down. I'm surprised I stayed as calm as I did, I guess my temper comes out in other areas, or I've just calmed down as I've gotten older. I was a MENACE when Hubs was playing soccer and lacrosse in college. ~ itsasaparagoose I’m very curious if MIL acted this way when OP’s other children were babies as well. Is this MIL’s bio-grandchild and OP’s other kids are not? Or is she just baby obsessed? I don’t know man she seems crazy OOP She's very baby obsessed, she was ecstatic when we had our first, and then even more ecstatic for the second, she practically EXPLODED when we had our first boy, and now she's falling apart at the seams because she finally has a grandson who looks like my husband. She's got baby rabies to the extreme, if I was this obsessed with the infant stage, we'd probably have way more kids. How did OOP's husband turn out ok He had good influences outside the home I suppose. He did leave home early, and SIL is his twin sister. BIL is his younger brother. And this comment from OOP on her thoughts regarding baby photos Exactly! Even beyond creeps, there are plenty of scammers and the like who use photos of children for their own strange purposes. Plus I feel like baby photos are sacred, once a kid is about 5 or 6, you can sort of ask "Oh, Mommy's going to take a photo so all your aunts and uncles can see, you wanna take a picture?" and get an authentic response, but before then, private photos. I'm thankful I kept my eldest's photos from birth to 4 entirely offline with how cagey and easily frustrated and embarrassed she is about the indignity of having ever been a baby (teenagers...I swear), she'd never let me live it down if I posted her baby pictures online. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA-dontdesrveit Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest Previous BoRUs: 1, 2 [New Update]: I’m about to ruin my best friend’s life, and I don’t feel remorse. NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: infidelity, emotional abuse and manipulation, abuse of authority Mood Spoilers: depressing RECAP Original Post: September 25, 2024 My soon to be ex best friend and I have been friends since middle school. We know everything about each other, our families are basically one big family now. You get the idea. Like I said, we tell each other everything. Recently, she came to me telling me she’s been having an affair for about 4 months with her superior at her new job (she started about a year ago). She told me, not out of guilt, but to brag about the dream vacation she’s going on with her AP, disguised as a work trip. She asked me to cover for her if her husband asks if we’ve been in contact, because she’s planning on going black for that week so he would have no way of finding out. Side note: we’ve both known her husband since high school. They are high school lovers, so they’ve been together for almost 15 years. Her husband is one of the most honest, hard working genuine people I know. He of course took everything she’s said about working late and the business trip at face value because he trusts her more than he trusts himself. I told her I would not be covering for her and to get out of my house, because I couldn’t even look at her right now. Later, I told my husband everything that happened, and he was just as shocked and disgusted. Her husband is basically his best friend now, so he of course has a lot of loyalty to him as well. My husband pointed out something I didn’t even think of… our security camera. It caught everything. We plan on going to her husband tonight with the proof. It will be up to him to do what he wishes with it. But he deserves to know. Secondly, we’re taking this to her job. As far as I know, “fraternization” of any kind is prohibited at her workplace. She was also promoted once by this same supervisor, so this could be seen as favoritism. Our guess is that they will both be fired. Finally, I’m going to send a snippet of her admitting the affair to all of her family, including mine. As I said, are families are very intertwined, so I will easily be able to contact the majority of her family. I’m not going to give her a chance to spin this against me or her husband. Some may think this is harsh, but I whole heartedly disagree with that she’s doing. ETA: I decided to take the advice of some of the commenters and leave it up to her STBX to decide to go nuclear or not. As some of you pointed out, he may decide to stay with her, and going nuclear would ruin his life in turn. The other reason is going nuclear and making her lose her job could affect the outcome of the divorce. We still plan to tell him, but we have decided against the other 2 options FOR NOW. I’m going to let STBX know if she tries to pin this on either of us or tells ANYONE a single lie, I will do a 180 and go nuclear. I will not be seen as a villain for a situation I didn’t even ask to be in in the first place. SHE was the one who thought it would be smart to tell her monogamous friend with traditional values that she’s cheating on her spouse, she can lie in her bed. SMALL UPDATE: Everyone involved: Alyssa=best friend, Noah=Bffs hub. I decided to take the advice of a few people and reach out to Alyssa before I went to her husband. I recorded the conversation, and let her know I was for my safety. She seemed still extremely nonchalant about the whole thing. I told her I was worried for her, and even for her, this was very out of character behavior. Long story short, she’s felt very “weak” and “unbalanced” in her and Noah’s marriage. For context, Noah went to a trade school and makes very good money, while up until her promotion, Alyssa was making slightly more than minimum wage. She has recently been reading up on some “anti traditional values”, and the women in those forums attacked her for making less than her husband. She then explained that she noticed her supervisor was trying to flirt with her, and her internet friends told her to run with it, and use him to get higher up. She of course did, but admitted she’d become emotionally attached to him as well. All in all, she admitted she doesn’t really regret the affair, because it “helped with her career” and “she found love”. I told her she had the option to tell Noah the truth before me, but Hubby and I were coming over tonight with the video of her admitting the affair, so she wouldn’t be able to sway it in her favor. Again, she very nonchalantly said “mm. Okay” and hung up on me. Idk what the heck is going on. I can’t tell if she’s having some sort of psychosis, or she’s literally just so detached from her marriage, that she doesn’t care what happens. Hubby and I still plan on going to Noah tonight, but I’m honestly intrigued to see that she says to him, if she says anything at all. Relevant Comments OOP on having the legal rights and consent to send the video evidence to Alyssa’s workplace OOP: I’m pretty sure we’ll be fine legally, if we do ever end up sharing it (we’ve decided against it for now.) She knew we had cameras in our house, we have a very obvious ring dorbell as well as outdoor cameras. The indoor ones are obvious as well. Plus, where we live, you have the right to record on your property without consent. So there would be no ability to retaliate against us. + This is the whole reason I got so upset. She’s a new hire, with basically no experience in the field, and she got a promotion for the stereotypical “banging the boss”. She’s always been the person to look for loopholes or easier ways to do stuff, but this is a new low. I hope at the very least, the supervisor gets fired. Someone like that shouldn’t be in a position of power, because they obviously can’t handle it. I’ve thought about maybe making an anonymous tip to the company about HIM specifically, but I don’t want it to lead back to my ex friend (for now). OOP on telling Alyssa’s husband about the video evidence and then going nuclear OOP: The only reason I’m against it for now is because of some insightful comments. He’s a very good man, and he might forgive her and decide to reconcile. Even though I don’t agree with it, it’s his decision, and I don’t want to in turn ruin his life by letting everyone know he stayed with a cheater. Someone also said affecting her job could affect the outcome of a possible divorce, and I wouldn’t want anything to play against him. + I completely agree, and hubby and I decided against going nuclear, because at the end of the day, STBX will be the only one who gets hurt. It will be solely his decision, unless she tries to spread rumors or lies about me, my husband, or STBX. I plan to tell him if she decides to try and spin this, I will send a clip of the video to anyone she tells, and let it spread from there. Commenter: Agree. Also OP, please be prepared for her husband to stay with his wife and cut you and your husband off. Marriages are complicated, and sometimes things don’t play out the way you imagine they will. You should tell him, 100%, but what he does with that information is up to him. And please remember that this is not JUST blowing up your ex friend’s life- it’s blowing up her husband’s life too. It’s his call whether he wants to go nuclear or not. OOP: I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he decided to stay with her. He’s a very forgiving man and may be willing to give it a shot. As tough as it will be, we do see ourselves going NC with both of them unless a divorce were to take place. Because as much as we’d love to continue being friends and support husband, if ex friend is part of the deal, we can’t support that.   Update: September 27, 2024 (two days later) Apologize for not having time last night, we were obviously busy. People involved: Ex bestie= Alyssa, Besties hub=Noah I took a lot of peoples advice, and decided not to go nuclear. As many people said, at the end of the day, it’s not my circus. The decision should be left up to the wronged party, and that is Noah. I also decided to reach out to Alyssa before telling Noah, and decided to give her a chance to confess to Noah herself. After I talked to her, I was legit thinking about reaching out to her parents about medical help, because she was so unbothered and so non-remorseful about the affair, that I thought she was having some sort of mental break or psychosis. Yeah, Alyssa’s always been the kind to find loopholes or ways ahead, but cheating on your spouse of almost 2 decades for financial gain? It’s not normal. If you didn’t see my small update, the whole reason Alyssa started the affair WAS to get the promotion at work, it evolved into an emotional fair eventually though. She admitted that her new “friends” from some “feminism” forums and Facebook groups told her she wasn’t as valuable if she was making significantly less than her spouse (something I learned she’s been more insecure about than she’s been telling people). They also told her that using a man isn’t cheating as long as there’s no emotional attachment, she’s just being a “girl-boss”. She admitted she couldn’t separate her feelings from the intimate aspect, and started going on regular dates and vacations, and eventually they started calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. The AP knows she’s married, but was told they were “on the verge of separation”. My hubby and I arrived at Noah and Alyssa’s with some booze and some dinner, and by the time we were there, Noah had already gone through a bottle of wine. Surprisingly, Alyssa DID confess to Noah about the affair. He told us it was extremely non-apologetic, though. She sat him down, and told him that she wasn’t going on a business trip this week, she was going on a vacation with her boyfriend. Noah, being the clueless and loyal person he is, thought he meant to say “husband”, and was so excited. He asked if they’re going to Italy like that planned for, and Alyssa just stared at him. She repeated “with my boyfriend”. It took a few minutes, but it finally sunk in. He told us it wasn’t pretty after that, and said he embarrassingly got on his knees and begged her to fix everything. She yelled for a bit but then just stonewalled him again. She was already packed to leave, and just left him there sobbing. She turned off her location (which both Noah and I were apart of her family on the app) and we have no idea where she went. We assume she went to her APs house, because if she had gone home with 2 suitcases, her mother would’ve reached out to Noah immediately, she sees him as a son. We sat down with Noah, and said we had video and audio proof of Alyssa exposing and explaining the affair, and we will send them to him in case he needs them. I explained to him, that in a moment of blind rage, I was planning on going scorched earth and telling EVERYONE, but once I calmed down and looked at this rationally, I realized that wasn’t the right thing to do. The only person going full nuclear would hurt was him, because Alyssa obviously doesn’t care anymore. As I suspected, the idea of reconciliation is still on his mind, but he doesn’t see it happening. In order to reconcile, both parties must admit fault and WANT to reconcile, Alyssa clearly doesn’t. We’ve gotten him in contact with a friend of my hubby, who’s agrees to help him Pro-Bono until the divorce shows results. I can tell he’s still hesitant about going forward with divorce, but he knows he also can’t force Alyssa to stay. As comments have suggested, this is where we bow out. We’re obviously going to continue to support Noah, but it’s not our situation to handle. It’s his. If there’s any future updates, I’ll ofc ask Noah first, but you’ll be the second to know. Thanks for being so supportive and helpful, it made me realize that how Noah handles his life and his marriage is HIS responsibility, not mine. ETA: wanted to clear up some questions from the last post that I didnt really answer in the update- -What did Alyssa ever do to you that made you want to go so nuclear? Honestly, nothing in particular. Like I said, for the past few years our friendship has been for convenience at its best. We’ve basically been friends because we know each other so well, and we have at least 1 friend. Alyssa has always had qualities I don’t agree with, but who doesn’t? I think it was just the whole situation that made my blood boil, especially since Alyssa has always been disgusted by cheaters. She was the kind of person to cut dozens of people out of her life if it meant not supporting someone’s infidelity. So for her to make a complete 180 and not even have guilt for it, it just grinds my gears. That’s part of the reason I think she’s having some sort of mental breakdown. Not only is it hypocritical, it’s extremely out of character, even for her. -Are you in love with Noah? of course not. Singing someone’s praises and trying to portray that they’re a genuine and good person doesn’t automatically mean you want to sleep with them. Our relationship has been nothing more than platonic for the entire time I’ve known him, because he loved Alyssa, and I loved their happiness. I love my husband and literally only ever saw Noah like a brother. Logic, people. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I hope he (the husband) has some self respect and dignity and goes through with the divorce. If he decides to inform their employer tell him to do it after the divorce. OOP: As much as I love the guy, he basically worships the ground Alyssa walks on. If she came through the door right now, and said “sorry”, even with no remorse behind it, I’m 99% sure he’d pretend like the last 4 months were a fever dream. Commenter 2: You handled this incredibly well, nd even though it’s a painful situation for all involved, yur thoughtful approach will likely help Noah through this difficult time. If there are future updates, I’m sure everyone following the story will be eager to hear how things unfold. Wishing the best for Noah—and for you and your husband as you continue to support him..... OOP: Thank you, like I said, I made this post and the decision to go nuclear in a fit on blind rage, but I soon realized I was being irrational. It’s not my place to serve Alyssa vigilante justice. In all hoensty, if she’s not careful, she may out herself at work. And it’s their decision what to do with the two of them. OOP on notifying Alyssa’s workplace OOP: I’m not going to. If Noah decides to reconcile, she’ll be out of a job, which just adds to the problem that caused the affair in the first place. If she gets fired during the divorce, it could be grounds for alimony she doesn’t deserve. OOP on what forum Alyssa got the advice from OOP: It wasn’t a national or creditable group, it was called like “Independent women of insert state” and it’s a bunch of women who give advice and other stuff tailored to laws and jobs in our state. The advice she got was from a group of women she met in that group who had their own personal group chat. She called them her “friends”, but I guarantee none of them are going to help her pick up her life now that it’s ruined 🤣   Update #2: October 5, 2024 (eight days later) Well, I didn’t expect to be back so soon, but the last week has been basically a speed run of terrible events. This will probably be my last update, so feel free to consider this the conclusion of the events. Everything bad that could have happened, happened. The past two days specifically have been absolutely horrible. Sorry if this is all over the place, I’m still all over the place. So, idk if it was the day she left, or the day after, but Alyssa and AP went on their vacation. The only reason I know of because she posted pictures all over social media of her and AP, she had absolutely no shame. It was very clear that even if she wasn’t divorced, this was her new boyfriend. Which of course notified her family of the issues. Noah’s phone was blowing up with apologies, accusations, everything you could think of. Noah, being the people pleaser he is, decided to tell her family they were on a “mutual break” instead of telling everybody she cheated and that was the AP. Alyssa’s mom, fortunately, didn’t believe him, and came to me. I didn’t hold back, I told her that she’s been cheating on Noah for months, and that she recently bragged to me about her sugar daddy AP, and that’s the only reason she’s come clean to Noah. Alyssa’s mom then dropped a bomb on me that even I didn’t know, Alyssa is a serial cheater. Her mom said in high school, Alyssa would brings boys home under the guise of school projects or sports related things, but she caught Alyssa kissing 2 different boys. Keep in mind, she was dating Noah all this time. She said she didn’t think much of it, and just chalked it up to being a crazy hormonal teenager. She also said she never expected her to marry her high school boyfriend, and by the time they were married, she figured Alyssa had stopped doing all this stuff. Neither her nor I have no idea if she’s done anything like that since high school through to the present, but I’m not interested in digging further into it. This just explains why Alyssa was just so nonchalant about cheating, because apparently she has just always done it. I’m guessing her “girlboss” friends awoke something inside her, and she remembered how easily and nonchalantly she would cheat, and it inspired to just to it again? I don’t know… I’ll be honest, I kind of yelled at her mother, something I’m not proud of. Like I’ve said in previous posts, Alyssa’s mom is basically my mom, so formalities and everything aren’t something I think about when I talk to her. So I freaked out and told her she set Noah up for this kind of life, when he could’ve found somebody ten times better. She took it like a champ, and just let me vent until I was calm again. I apologized for yelling, but calmly said you and I both know Noah deserved better. You should’ve said something before he got married to her. She agreed, but said it’s too late now to focus on that, and that the real issue at this time was supporting Noah. I told her if she wanted to support Noah, she could’ve told him his fiancé was a cheater 10 years ago, and hung up on her. I’ve since talked to her, we’re fine, but I was just to mad a her in the moment. Next thing that happened was that the photos got back to a colleague, and both of them were out a job before their vacation was even over. As I assumed, their workplace was extremely upset, and did consider Alyssa getting the promotion favoritism, and they were both let go. Noah told me there was AT LEAST 3 HR complaints about them, so it’s was a no brainer. Of course, the beautiful relationship Alyssa and her AP had turned sour as soon as he learned he was let go from his 6 figure job because of her. He was so pissed, he even cancelled Alyssa’s plane ticket home out of spite, and planned to leave her stranded there. This is where all of you will be disappointed, and so am I, but Noah immediately forgave her, bought her a ticket, and moved her back in. She told him is was just a huge mistake, and seeing how her AP treated her made her realize what she could’ve lost. It’s obviously all BS to me and hubby, but you already know Noah ate that shit up. He’s told us that he’s urging her to go to couples counseling, but ofc it’s not an ultimatum, so basically she just got to have her cake and eat it with no consequences. We told Noah previously, and reminded him, that if he decided to take Alyssa back, we’d be going at the very least low contact. We kept to our word, and have completely blocked Alyssa, and have Noah unblocked, but don’t plan to engage in small talk to invitations to stuff. We refuse to be like him and just act like this never happened, because that’s not normal. He understood, but told us he has to stand by the vows he made to his wife, which we both understand to an extent, and wished him well. So yep, Alyssa got to sleep with another man, go on a nice vacation, lose her job, and still gets a bed and a husband to come home to. All’s well that ends well? Idek how to feel about this. Like if they wanna live their fucked up broken marriage life, that’s their choice. I’m not even mad anymore, just drained. I’m almost glad it’s over now, because I don’t know if I could deal with this for months on end. I knew this was going to happen eventually, it’s just who Noah is, but it feels just as idiotic as it sounds. Idk I’m just rambling at this point. I’m glad we decided to step back, because honestly, both of them have very clear psychological issues that needs to be addressed with a professional, but neither of them will ever do that. I’d rather be rid of people like this. Sorry if I’m being blunt or mean, but at the end of the day, both of them have issues I didn’t sign up to deal with. I don’t need this kind of stress while hubby and I are trying for kids. So yeah I guess this is it. Yep. Top Comments Commenter 1: I feel for Noah. He'll always be a sucker for her and she'll always get away with anything. No consequences for anything, MC is not an ultimatum...sigh... unbelievable Maybe one day he'll catch her with a guy in their own bed and he'll snap out of it. You did the right thing the way you handled it and distanced yourself rn. Don't turn your back on Noah though. He's going to need people. Commenter 2: I feel no sympathy for Noah. He needs to find his balls from wherever she hid them bc she will cheat on him again and again and he will always stupidly take her back. You’re completely justified staying away from that mess.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Editor's note: the latest update is over five months old and hasn't been posted here on the sub Update: November 2, 2024 (almost one month later from the prior update) It’s been about a month since I last posted. I wasn’t planning on updating, but the most hilarious thing happened with Alyssa and Noah, I needed to tell something. Bear with me, this is all through the grapevine, bc hub and I are still NC with them. So first off, Noah has rewarded Alyssa’s cheating with another vacation. They’re planning on going to Italy for their vow renewal. Their plan is to basically start over their marriage, even though they’ve been together for 15+ years. Ngl, I burst out laughing when I was told this. I just think it’s so hilarious that they’re both gonna sweep this under the rug and try to act like their life didn’t implode. But hey, if it makes them happy, who am I to stop them. The second thing is they’ve decided to try for a baby. One thing Alyssa and I always bonded over was being conservatives who wanted to be child free. Neither of us just felt like we would be good mothers. Of course, since we live in a largely conservative community with conservative families, we were always basically bullied into changing our mind. But we had each other, that’s the important part. Once I met my husband, I had kind of changed my mind about kids (which we are also currently trying for), but Alyssa never swayed. The last conversation we had about her family pressuring her into kids was about two months ago, a week or two before the cheating incident. Not only do I think this is a terrible idea because the baby is going to grow up in a dysfunctional family, I guarantee Alyssa won’t love this child. I honestly just feel pity for everyone involved now. Noah for thinking his life has to be staying with a cheater, Alyssa for basically forcing herself to live a life she doesn’t want to live, and their future child for being born into this cluster fuck. But yeah, consider this the official end. Maybe I’ll be back in a year or two when it turns out Noah has been raising another man’s baby 🤣   Editor's note: the latest update is a month old and it hasn't been posted here on the sub Hey, I’m back April 19, 2025 (five months later from the prior update) I doubt anyone will even see this, but at the time, I found it cathartic to write this all down. And I’m here to bring some much needed good news to my story. My husband and I are doing wonderful. I am now pregnant! I’m approx 12 weeks along, and everything looks fine. We’ve starting throwing around nursery ideas and we are so happy and excited to be parents. I can’t wait! Now onto what anyone would actually care about: Noah and Alyssa. I’ll be honest, not much news. Early on, they kinda went through every phase with us. They reached out begging to reconcile, then got angry with us that we wouldn’t talk to them, then eventually just gave up. We never replied to anything they sent, just saved anything in case it were to ever escalate. I think it finally set in for them and they just stopped trying to contact us after about 2 months. The rest of this is second hand information, so bear with me, and don’t take it at face value: -Alyssa and Noah tried for a baby with no luck. If I had to guess, I assume it’s because she probably didn’t actually get her birth control removed. We both got IUDs together only a few months before D day, and since they last for years, I assume she just still has it. ETA: Yes, I only had my iud for about 4-5 months total. My husband and I felt we weren’t ready yet, but we ended up coming into some money that changed our minds. It was a mutual decision, and I got it removed. Just adding this before I get flooded with questions about how I got pregnant when I just got an iud. -they’re still together, obviously, and most of their family has agreed to brush this under the rug. Apparently it’s easier for everyone involved to just pretend the whole thing never happened. I assume her family all agreeing to ignore those months of infidelity are why both her and Noah were so confident in trying to have us forget this too. -haven’t heard anything about AP or the whole job mess other than Alyssa MAY have taken legal action against her place of work? I assume she’s trying to play the victim card. Welp, I think that’s pretty much it. Sorry Alyssa didn’t get pregnant by AP and now Noah is their third wheel or whatever Reddit likes nowdays. Just some rumors through the grapevine, and my life continues just fine. Sending love 🩷. DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Empty-Ad-2301 I met my husband that I divorced 3 years ago. I miss my husband so goddamn much. No TWs Original Post February 28, 2025 I (35M) divorced my husband (36M) three years ago. And God, I miss him. I asked for a divorce for a few reasons, most of which being that his depression got exponentially worse day after day and he refused to seek treatment. Sometimes he wouldn't even go into work and ended up getting fired from his job. I stayed with him for so fucking long, praying that one day he would start trying to get better. It was all I ever wanted, but that day didn't come. I sobbed the entire time signing those papers, and when I handed them to him and asked for a divorce, he just gave me the emptiest, deadest look and signed them without a word. My heart felt like it had been shattered with a hammer, anger and sadness and fear tied together in the world's tightest, ugliest knot and inset deep into my chest. I put on a brave face for my friends, tried to frame it as shackles coming off and a new beginning, but it was a lie. It just hurt, and it keeps hurting, and it will never stop hurting. He was my soulmate. I'll never love anyone like I loved him. He used to be so sweet and loving, so passionate and happy and every other wonderful thing a man could want from another. They say each day gets easier, but it isn't for me. It's been three years and I'm still reaching over to the other side of the bed in the morning to pull him close, and it always stings when my hands touch fabric and not his skin. It's been three years and I'm still expecting to see his car in the driveway when I get home from work. It's been three years and my heart isn't any less broken than the day he left. I've been stalking his socials, I'll admit. He's been getting back to the gym, started meds, and I see him smiling so genuinely in these photos. He looks so incredible. Maybe if I had just waited, he would have changed his mind and went to a doctor like he is now? Or was it me that held him down? Was I making it worse? I hope not. I wanna go over to his place and just fall into his arms and beg him to take me back. Maybe he's wishing the same thing about me. If there's even a chance I could have my boy back I feel like I should try. I'll never know otherwise. EDIT: One: I am a homosexual man. My husband is a homosexual man. I am not a woman. Yes, I know I'm effeminate and kind of emotional. Get creative. Two: my husband was a binge drinker. He refused treatment no matter how much I begged. We got antidepressants but he wouldn't take them. I know he's started meds now because he's posted about them and his 2 yrs sober chip that he got last month. Three: I never stopped loving him. I never loved him any less. Near the end of our marriage, I started drinking to cope. The second I realized I was, I realized he was dragging me down with him, and I couldn't help him anymore. I didn't dip the second it got hard. Many of you are being kind of rude. I'll accept that I wasn't the perfect husband, nobody is. But claims that I never loved him are just wrong and make me feel sick to my stomach. EDIT 2: No, I am not the catalyst for this. His depression started when his young brother died terribly and unexpectedly. It's not because he just hated me so much. We were childhood sweethearts and had been together for years when this happened. RELEVANT COMMENTS Significant-Noise212 Sometimes, people just cannot progress until they hit rock bottom, and maybe you leaving was that for him. It doesn't necessarily mean you held him down, he just couldn't find the desire and motivation to progress while you were holding him. Don't beat yourself up. It wasn't your fault he was sick and didn't want to ask for help. In the end, we all need to want that help, without it all other people' efforts are worthless. In the end, if you ended amicably, you can always hit him up and ask how he feels. Maybe he'll ignore you, maybe not, but you'll now you've tried. And stop stalking him. That is keeping you from healing. OOP Thank you, I needed to hear a lot of this. Maybe I'll call him just to see how he's doing. He doesn't hate me, I know that much. I'd like to see him regardless. Poo_Poo_La_Foo Unless he's remarried, no harm in reaching out to say hello and seeing where the land liess. Reopen the channels? See what's what? OOP He's not remarried. He had some photos with this one guy for a while but I haven't seen any photos with him for a little over a year. I think he's single now. Hope he is. Update 1 March 2, 2025 Well, with Reddit's advice, I did it. A few days ago, I called my (35M) ex-husband (36M) whom I divorced after 6 years when he refused to seek treatment for his depression. I called him later in the evening. It was the first time we'd spoken since a bit of trouble he'd had while he was still drinking 2 1/2 years ago. He picked up on the second ring. Our conversation was a little stilted at first, as to be expected, but he said he was really glad to hear from me. We ended up meeting up for coffee yesterday as so many of you suggested. I'll admit: it was kind of hard to see him, but in a good way? He looked so much better than the last time I had seen him, but he looked exactly like the man I married. He had put off a ton of weight (he gained like 75ish pounds during his struggle with depression, and before some dick says so, I didn't leave him because of his weight gain), he looked way healthier and very put together. I'll just say it: he looked incredibly hot. What made it hard was that I couldn't kiss him hello like I used to. But God, the way his eyes lit up when he saw me, I barely needed to. We got our coffee and sat, and he updated me a little on his life in the last 3 years. What really turned his life around was in part the divorce but moreso a DUI (nobody was hurt, he was caught a few blocks from his apartment). He's since gone to rehab and AA, gotten his license back, and had to use a breathalyzer whenever he started his car for a while. He hasn't had a drop of alcohol since and I told him I was so fucking proud of him. He's also started antidepressants, and made a point of telling me that they're not SSRIs, but when I asked what that meant he got embarrassed and told me nevermind (???). Bottom line is that they've been helping him, he's back to being a gym rat, and he's almost completely turned his life around. This was around the point I started tearing up. It just felt so good knowing he was okay. Better than okay, he was *good*. I also apologized to him for not sticking by him. He cut me off and said I had nothing to apologize for. He was a wreck, and I was being dragged down with him. That also felt good to hear. I apologized for not contacting him much during the last 3 years. That apology, he accepted. He was dating someone for a few months, too. He broke up with him once he tried to get him to drink on New Year's. He seemed dismissive of the guy. Guess it wasn't too serious. We got up and went on a walk after a few hours, and I think we both realized it felt like a first date. I had to stop myself from trying to hold his hand at a few points, I'll admit. We ended up sitting on a bench in a nearby park, and I confessed. I told him I missed him more than anything, how I never stopped loving him, and how if he wanted to, I'd love to try again from the beginning this time. We'd go to couples' therapy, keep our heads above the water, and take it slow. He was quiet for a minute before he told me something. He said he was doing better now, but there may be a time where he sunk low again. Depression isn't easily cured, and he was far from cured. He still had bad days, but he said there would be one difference: he promised he would never stop trying to improve. He was never going to give up like he did before, and refused to neglect me like he used to. If I was willing to accept that truth, he was willing to try again. I agreed, and he pulled me into an embrace and snuck a kiss to my temple. You know when it's the first warm day of spring after a cold, harsh winter, and the soft breeze and basking sun hit your skin at the same time? It felt something like that, to the 1000th degree. After a while he walked me back to my car and squeezed my hand goodbye, and the second I got inside I started sobbing like a baby. Happy tears, though. I'm currently sitting in bed, kicking my feet like a teenage girl, texting him back and forth to schedule an actual date. He said he'd plan everything, and try his best to make up for the birthdays and anniversaries he missed. He said it would "knock my socks off." What a dork. I love being in love. Not gonna lie, this is gonna be a bit hard to explain to my friends and family. Not looking forward to those conversations, but right now I don't care. My man loves me. Thank you to everyone who had kind words to say, and all the people that messaged me with sympathy and advice. I hope we all find happiness, and love if we want it. I never would have made the leap if y'all hadn't encouraged me. Best of luck to all of you, and sorry for the overly flowery language

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641 Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes + her own page Previous BoRUs: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 [New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there. NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment Mood Spoilers: super wonderful!! Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above RECAP Original Post: November 14, 2023** I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group. Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility. Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021. Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”. Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down. Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to. I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season. Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.   Update #1: November 27, 2023 (13 days later) Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think? It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses. We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.   Update #2: December 12, 2023 (15 days later) So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know? Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that. Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well. And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties. On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it. Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.   Inheritance: December 16, 2023 (four days later) I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know? No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active. The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.   Christmas: December 25, 2023 (nine days later) I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect. Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer. Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls. We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time. As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.   Brother’s call: December 26, 2023 (next day) Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning. For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back. Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth: Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me. The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people. 4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home. 8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there. And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me". But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral. That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember? I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed. The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them. My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it". He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives. On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.   Brother's Here: December 27, 2023 (next day) My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped. This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right. Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!   Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024 (six days later) I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness! Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely. Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home. Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.   Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024 (15 days later) My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys. This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression. Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly. My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined. Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.   Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024 (16 days later) Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care. Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them. We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office. Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.   Update: February 27, 2024 (three weeks later) My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits. Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it. Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her. There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet. Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!   Update 4/1 - Final one I think: April 1, 2024 Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one. It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal. The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason. The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area. The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy. And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing. We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods. As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for. I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.   Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil. Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now. My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them. No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Been a while: March 3, 2025 (10 months later) I hope everyone's doing wonderful! I know it's been a while. Lots of little happy updates incoming! My brother moved out! He's like 5 minutes away, so it's not far but he's officially living on his own. He's going steady with the same girl. She's a catch! Sweet as can be! She fits in to the family so well and everyone just adores her. She's going to school to be a nurse and I know she's gonna crush it. Hubby and I get to babysit her kiddo on the regular and he's a total hoot. At first, he was overly polite and a bit shy, but one day my husband picked him up and husband was wearing his SCP hoodie. Turns out the kid is a MASSIVE SCP fan. So we've all bonded and he's really opened up around us. Assuming my brother and her are still together come August (we're hoping they continue going strong) there's talk about kiddo taking the school bus to our place after school. There's a stop at the bottom of our street and it would be no trouble for us to have him chill at our house for a few hours until mom's off work. Have him work on homework or whatever. I might have to learn whatever "new math" is, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Mom's mellowed the frick out. She's stopped her insanity and seems to have accepted the new normal. Dad says she's "turning back into the woman he once married." Which is a bit depressing, but also good, I guess? From what he says, mom has started cross stiching again. Which, my brother and I never knew she knew how. Apparently, she used to be massively into the hobby, but after my brother and I were born, she was terrified we'd get into the needles and hurt ourselves, so she put it all away and never touched it again. Step-dad says she's much more relaxed and calm lately, which I'm happy about. She's respected our boundaries and has only come to visit when we allowed it. Our relationship has improved drastically. Dad and step-mom are also doing well. Step mom and us actually bonded quite nicely during January. She needed hip surgery and since Dad's house has more steps than High Hrothgar, it was decided that she would stay with my husband and I. Her doctor scheduled the surgery at our local branch of their hospital and after she was released, she came back to our place. She ended up staying with us for most of January due to a massive ice storm that came tearing through the area. I've spent time with the woman, but never like this or for this long. It was like seeing a whole new side of her I never knew. When dad finally came to pick her up, I was actually sad to have her leave. You will all be happy to hear that we did manage to do a memorial for my grandparents. It was exactly what my soul needed. I didn't realize how much I NEEDED to have that closure until it was done. Like someone took a weighted blanket off me and I could breathe again. It was a lovely service and a few of the little old church ladies made us some finger foods to have back at the church afterwards and we all sat around eating and sharing stories about Grandma and Grandpa. Our next scheduled visit is for Easter and I can honestly say I'm looking forward to it. I feel like I have my family back again. Please be kind to each other and take care of yourselves. Thank you for letting me shout into the void. Commenter: Oh this is a fantastic update. I am so pleased that this whole saga has come through the other side in a nice way. So often these kind of things don’t have happy endings and I’m thrilled that this one does. Thank you for updating us all.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwaway_bruisedego AITAH, for refusing to drop charges in exchange for saving my family? Originally posted to r/AITAH Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU TRIGGER WARNING: physical assault, neglect, controlling behavior Original Post Sept 21, 2024 BACKSTORY FOR CONTEXT, but you can skip. I (33M) met my wife (33F) in college. It was a long-term physical relationship that turned serious at the end of our senior year. After graduation, I didn’t have plans, so I decided to move to her hometown ( major southern city). I didn’t know anybody, so we were together 24/7 and moved in together within a year. During this time, I met her family a few times. She had a huge extended family where her mom (Sharon) was the matriarch. Her dad died in a workplace accident, and her mom got a lot of money. She was smart and invested and is doing well. All of Sharon’s sibling and nieces/nephews looked to her for advice on all major life decisions. She’s paid for school, weddings, and helped start businesses. My wife has two brothers who I always got along with, we would hang out independent of my wife a few times a year. We got married after 3 years and when my son was born Sharon bought us a house 3 blocks from hers. We had lived in a downtown loft style apartment and this was honestly a relief. But with the house came Sharon constantly being in my life. Coming in the house unannounced, unsolicited advice, and snide remarks at my expense. Eventually (18 months later) we had a blow up fight and I moved my family across town to an apartment. My wife was pissed and our relationship has deteriorated. Sharon hates me and has turned most of their family against me. I didn’t see or go to any of her family events for over a year. My wife still saw her family but because I wasn’t invited and they were over 30 minutes away, it was much less. Sharon went from seeing her grandson almost every day to once a month. So her hate for me went thru the roof. THE INCIDENT. My wife had to work and I was asked to take my son to his cousins birthday party. The party was at Sharon’s house and if it wasn’t my son’s first cousin (6 months apart) I would have said no. It was tense the moment I walked in the house. Father of birthday boy (brother in law) greeted me but no one else spoke to me. I didn’t mind and sat in the corner on my phone. This apparently pissed of Sharon because I was being rude. An argument ensues and I announce I’m leaving with my son. Sharon said “ You can go but my grand baby is staying”. At this point I lost my cool and started cursing her out. I woke up on the front lawn. Apparently my two brother In laws beat the shit out of me in front of my kid. Two of her cousins were helping me up and told me just to leave. I immediately called the police and said I was assaulted and my child was kidnapped. Police came and both brothers were arrested. Sharon lost her shit on the police and my wife drove up as her mother was being arrested for refusing to release my son. Her mom was eventually released but her brothers were arraigned on assault charges. The father of the birthday had an assault charge from college, so he is facing some serious consequences. My wife is mad at everyone but asked me drop charges. I not only refused but got retraining orders for all 3 of them. Her mother isn’t allowed to be near our kid and her brother’s have court dates early next year. Last month she moved out the house we are now headed for divorce. Yesterday she came with one last offer, for us to move cities and start over. But only if I drop the charges on her brothers and removed the restraining order on her mom. I told her I would think about it, but I think I would rather get divorced. I honestly want to keep my family but I don’t believe she’ll ever abandon her family for me. If I drop charges now, I doubt I can bring them back later. AITAH for not trying to save my family? Edit: This blew up overnight. My wife's cousin DM'd me because she found it. She was there that day and told me to add some more context because her family is getting railed in the comments. She's right, so here are a few more things. I don’t think anyone is evil in this situation. Everyone loves Sharon and her “advice” except me. She’s not a mean person, but we are polar opposites in many ways. My wife is the baby and only girl, so I’m sure that has a lot to do with our conflict. Sharon losing her shit on the police was uncharacteristic, and even I was surprised. My wife is a great mom and partner, but her inability to be independent of her mom’s influence is our issue. She is mad at her brothers and isn’t talking to either. She’s also mad at her mom for starting the argument and refusing to release our son. She’s just trying to find a middle ground.I genuinely think she hopes a fresh start can save our marriage. Until we moved into that house, I would say our relationship was good. As far as her brothers and the assault. I remember the first hit, but I was dazed immediately. The last thing I remember was flailing like a child while getting hit a few more times. What I don’t remember is my kid screaming to “stop hitting my daddy” and them picking me up and dropping me on the lawn like trash. I have to acknowledge that my pride hurt more than my bruises. I genuinely liked both her brothers and to be fair “Fuck You” and “Bitch” came out of my mouth when I cursed out Sharon. I’m not 100% innocent. This is the South, so the police even said “what did you expect to happen?”. I don’t know if I stopped pursuing this it would continue or not. RELEVANT COMMENTS When brought up the state presses charges not the victim I just want to comment on this because it keeps coming up. You are 100% right. In the initial confrontation, the cops asked if I wanted them arrested, and I said yes. I was more bruised than bloody, and they were willing to let it go as a family dispute. That's where the "what did you expect to happen?" conversation came from. I'm not pressing charges per se, but I'm not letting it go. I've done two interviews with police and have been fully cooperating. If I stopped, they might drop the charges because they seemed more annoyed than helpful. I doubt the younger brother will get more than a slap on the wrist. My wife's oldest brother, with a prior, is in a lot more trouble. He's the one everyone is worried about. Also Sharon never went to jail. When my wife arrived, Sharon was being escorted to a car. My wife and her two uncles got Sharon to calm down, and they let her go. She wasn't being violent but was cursing and blocking them from entering the house. The only thing positive about the arrest ( and Sharon’s almost arrest) was it made getting a restraining order way easier. But even that took a month. Also I had never talked to a lawyer (for any reason ) or had any trouble with police. I honestly don't know how any of this works. I just found out the difference between Parole and Probation a few weeks ago. OOP On Sharon (the mother) EbbIndependent5368 Sharon is not a good mother. Her habit of buying everything for everyone is robbing her grown children of having their own acheivements, which builds character, mental toughness, maturity, and pride in themselves. A better parent would have matched their savings for down payments. Obviously there was a price to be paid for her investments in their lives: she is able to make major decisions in their lives. She is able to walk right in like she owns the place, because she DOES. It sounds like she is an overbearing, iron fisted suffocating presence in their lives. OOP I keep feeling like I'm defending this woman, and trust me, I'm not. But she started flipping houses in the 90s before it was a thing. She always kept her job as a nurse and kept investing in new properties. She helped both her brothers start their own construction business, and 5 nieces/nephews now work in real estate. Her two smartest moves were 1) she was an early iPod user from her time as a nurse and invested heavy in Apple stock in 2002 2) she pulled out of big real estate investments in 2006 ( a little early) and sat on her money until 2010. Then she bought up a ton of property. The woman is smart and accomplished. So everyone sees her as this messiah of wisdom. So when she deemed me an asshole for not wanting her in my house constantly and then a bigger asshole for moving my family across town, everyone fell in line. If Sharon thinks he is bad, he must be bad. Update Jan 20, 2025 (4 months later) Hello, let me start by saying thank you to the supporters and fuck you to the assholes. Reddit is one hell of a place to get perspective on things. Only place you could be called a good father and cuck in the same thread. Original: (https://www.reddit.com/search/?q=refusing%20to%20drop%20charges&cId=80823bbd-1972-463a-b337-71d1a9f722ab&iId=3b6f4e4b-04dc-497a-91e7-3d6b06a18b8b/) I've been wanting to write and update and answer questions for a while, but after my original post, many Reddit lawyers reached out and told me to stop talking immediately. Since things were very uncertain and my divorce wasn't settled, I decided to not respond or update anything until things calmed down. A lot has happened to so many people involved, so I think I'm just going to break it down by person. Me I moved back to the West coast, where I am originally from. I decided to move forward with the divorce, so I moved home. Furthermore, I had nothing left for me in that city, as I only had a few friends, my son, and a lot of bad memories. My Ex and son cried a lot the day I left and that hurt my soul, but it was best for all parties involved. So I moved back home to be around my family and my support system. I got a good paying job, and I'll be subletting a 2-bedroom apartment starting next month. My son spent the holidays with me (staying with my parents) and I plan to see him on Easter. Going forward and laid out in our custody agreement, my son will stay with his mother until he is 12. I'll get him Easter and summers, and we'll switch Christmas and Thanksgiving every year. When he's 12, and needs a father figure, he'll come live with me until he is 18. I talk to my son everyday on the phone for at least an hour, and I'll try to fly out there a few times a year. I can't shake the feeling that a piece of me is missing, and wish it was just my son, but I miss my wife too. My Ex-Wife So the divorce is basically settled, and I obviously didn't move away with her. In the end, she saw my post and saw the comments and realized that she shouldn't have asked me to stop pursuing the case. She asked again, saying "We could move and just get away from her family". Too much had happened, and our relationship was a shell of what it was. We both said and did things we forgave but can't forget. I wish this was a movie and I could just say Love conquers all, or fuck her she is evil, but that isn't real life. I'm torn between both loving this person and knowing we aren't right for each other. While she didn't want to move forward with the divorce, she didn't fight me on it either. We were able to settle everything without lawyers and only used them for paperwork and fine details. We talk daily because of our son, and she says she is doing well, but last time I facetimed her I can tell she isn't eating. My sister said it's post break up hotness, whatever that means, but she looks more sick than hot. She hasn't spoken to her brothers since that day, and blames them for a lot of what happened. She and Sharon's relationship is also very strained, and they barely talk as well. Ironically, she is hardly speaking to the family she was so desperately trying to keep together. I honestly wish she would talk to her family again, because I worry about her a lot. People were very mean to my Ex-wife, saying she was a terrible mother and wife. I think she lives for and would die for her family, and all her actions were to keep us together. She told me her two biggest regrets were moving into Sharon's house and moving out of our apartment. Those two actions caused most of our problems. She is a great mother to my child and I will always have her back. The Brothers I didn't expect much as far as punishment in this case. They both plead out to a simple assault, which only had minimal consequences. Both brothers spent a night in jail, got fines and anger management. The older brother had a prior incident that I mentioned in the earlier post. It was a bar fight in his early 20s, and he hit a guy with a bottle and got an assault charge. Since that case was over 15 years ago, and he's married, pillar of the community, etc, he was given probation for a year and that was the end. Both brothers have partners in life and the oldest one is married. I've known his wife for many years, and we've always been friendly. Because of the restraining order, both spouses reached out on behalf of the brothers to speak to me. I barely knew the younger brother's girlfriend, but since I knew the wife, I spoke to her. She said both brothers regretted their decision, and she asked me to lift the restraining order and not to pursue charges. We had a brief conversation, but I simply told her I don't forgive her husband and BIL, and I'm moving forward with both. As we ended the conversation, I told her not to call me again, and I haven't heard from either brother since. I don't know anything beyond what the EX tells me, and she isn't speaking to them. Sharon So I did have it out with Sharon, and it went about as well as you can imagine. Here is a little backstory to our relationship. Let's start by saying my EX and her family are devout Christians who go to church weekly. I'm a lapsed Catholic who goes to church 3x a year. I live a very moral and ethical life, but my belief system isn't centered on the church. Furthermore, I consider myself a moderate liberal, and their family is moderate Conservatives. (i.e. I'm down the Second Amendment, and Sharon supported gay marriage). Ideologically we were far apart but agreed on the important things in life. The real problems began when my son was going to be baptized. My mom wanted to get our son baptized Catholic and Sharon wanted him baptized Protestant. Lots of snide remarks about Catholics were said, but I let it go at the time.The Ex and I decided to wait and let our son decide, which Sharon hated. When my ex started going back to church and I wasn't in attendance, that further widened the divide. Her family would go by Sharon or someone else's house after church for lunch/dinner, and I either showed up later or not at all. Every time Sharon didn't agree with a decision we made as a couple in regard to our lives, especially my son's life, she would start leaning on my wife and pressuring her behind the scenes. We would literally make a decision, and she would go to her mom's house and then come back with a different opinion. The most frustrating part is she stopped trying to talk to me at all, she would literally just call me wife and get her to change her decision. The big fight that led to us moving out was that my son wanted to play soccer and not football, but my wife's family is a huge football family. We agreed for him not to play football because he didn't want to play and our concerns about CTE. My wife comes home one day and does a 180 saying that she signed him up for football. We start arguing and Sharon comes in the house unannounced and joins the conversation, saying "We decided it would be good for him". I got pissed and told them Sharon is not my son's parent and my EX shouldn't be so weak when her mom is pressuring her to do something we decided not to do. Then she said the words that sealed the deal "My opinion should matter, I bought the house". I started looking for a new apartment that night and never looked back. So when we talked, and neither of us raised her our voices but it wasn't a nice conversation. I started and apologized for calling her a bitch, and she apologized for trying to keep my son without my permission. She flat out told me she wished my daughter never met me and that I've ruined her family. That her son's have criminal records now (one already did) and it's all my fault. She then started crying about not seeing my son and how she lost her only daughter. I told her she was manipulative and used her money to control the family. That she only didn't like me because she couldn't control my decision like her weak willed family. I also told her she consistently overstepped her bounds in regard to MY child and marriage, and she put her own selfish interest ahead of her daughter's happiness. After spending an hour calling each other assholes in different ways, we ended things in the same place. In the end, I told my EX her mom could see my son because Sharon loves him unconditionally, and he loves her. Call me stupid, but I think family is a big part of your upbringing. My mom isn't around him enough and every child needs a good grandma. The Ex said she has been to a few family situations that were hard to avoid (wedding, funeral, Thanksgiving) but she leaves when her brothers come and my son doesn't leave her side. Sharon has seen my son and he has played with his cousin (birthday boy from original story) but she's keeping him from the family for the time being. My Son He's having a hard time with everything. It's not the fight, he thinks we were wrestling. He misses me a lot and cries on some of our phone calls. He's in therapy and all the sessions are about missing his dad and why we can't live together. It's been a few months, and it's slowly getting better, but we ruined his childhood and I take my share of responsibility in that. The Cousin She is my wife's first cousin, but they are more like sisters. Sharon is her aunt by marriage, and she was the first to warn me about the family. She was also eviscerated by the comment sections for having me add to the story. She told me I was out of line for calling Sharon a Bitch, but didn't feel I deserved to get beat up. Likewise, she also grabbed my son when the fight happened and took him away. She was the one who told my son we were wrestling, and she called my wife to come immediately. When Sharon was being handcuffed, the cousin came outside holding my son. I told her to give him to me, but she pointed at my swollen face and asked if she could hold him. I trusted her enough in that situation to care for my son, so I respected her enough to add those details. She didn't deserve the shit comments either. CONCLUSION In the end everyone in their family read the original post, but because of divorce and assault cases, no one directly contacted me other than my Ex. It wasn't a hit to say the least, but I only care that hit hurt my Ex's feelings. I think seeing everything written out from my perspective opened her eyes. Obviously some things were left out and broad strokes were made to explain complex situations. In the end she said I didn't lie but she thinks I painted her family in a horrible light. We thought about writing a joint update but we aren't talking enough to make that happen. I told my EX about this post and asked if she wanted to read it before I posted and she told me to write whatever I want. Nobody won here, we all lost. I'll try and respond to questions I think are relevant. RELEVANT COMMENTS bachatarosas I understand every thing else but did you really have to abandon your kid? OOP I knew I would get destroyed for this, but abandon is a strong word. I didn’t abandon my son, I left for better opportunities in life for both of us. Both mentally and financially. My chosen profession has more opportunities here, I was only there for my wife and child. My career picked up during the pandemic because I could work remotely, but in office work is becoming mandatory again. I was already going to have to quit or move companies, so the timing was right. Also, my mental health is 10 times better now that I have left the city. For months, I gave my child fake smiles while trying to be a good father. I was a shell of the man I wanted to be. I'm still broken by what's happened, but I'm in a better place mentally, and in the long term, I'll be better financially. Odd_Instruction519 'left for better opportunities in life for both of us' For you, yes. For him, not really. OOP I was responding to something else you wrote but saw you responded to this. Your assessment of my situation is understandable. But me working for less money and being constantly unhappy isn't good for my son. If I could have stayed in state, trust me I would have, but the economy is fucked. I used all my savings to continue paying bills and lived with my parents for free to start over. Maybe I could have found happiness there, but I didn't see it happening. We are co-parenting the best we can. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Same-Philosopher-927 AITAH for going to eat at a hospital cafeteria roughly once a week? My sister and family are telling me it's wrong Originally posted to r/AITAH & r/EntitledPeople TRIGGER WARNING: theft, favoritism Thanks to u/PlanetQueen1912 for suggesting this and u/Uristlmiknorris for finding the links BoRU 1 Original Post Apr 25, 2024 Ok, hear me out. I work just a few blocks away from a hospital, and get there pretty quickly by bicycle. Their cafeteria is quaint with good prices. So usually once a week or so, I'll go there for lunch. The foodisn't what I would call amazing. But they have nice variety from time to time. The staff even recognize me, and are always pleasant. They don't mind that I'm just there for lunch. And it's far quieter eating there than at any local restaurant. I'm on the spectrum, and don't like loud noises. So the quiet lunches in this place are a godsend for me some days. Recently my sister found out I've been eating at the hospital. And went off on me over how hospital cafeterias are only supposed to be there for people who are at the hospital because they need to be. I retorted that I was giving them business, and it's not like I was taking food out of the mouths of patients. And I only went once a week. So what was the big deal? But she still insisted I was wrong. Then she got our parents involved, and they're siding with her. They are telling me I should only be eating at the hospital if I had an actual reason to be there. I told them they were all crazy, and it was just normal food that I was paying for. But now because neither they or I are backing down, I'm torn. AITA for going to eat lunch in a hospital cafeteria once a week just because I work nearby? Edit: Thank you for all the comments. I will make this a hill to sit on if I have to now. My sister got mad at me for regularly eating in a hospital cafeteria, and got our parents on her side. The rest of the family laid into them for it. So my sister decided to prank me as revenge by literally having my bike stolen and dumped. I nearly called the cops. May 13, 2024 I really apologize for the length of this post. But writing down all the details took way longer than I thought. And this situation was downright crazy. I never thought my sister would do something like this. Not too long ago I (23m) posted in r/AITAH for advice because my parents and sister were angry at me for regularly eating in a hospital cafeteria because it's close to my work. I enjoy the peace and quiet there on the days I do show up to eat. But this situation escalated so radically, that I can't believe something so dumb actually happened. My sister did the pettiest thing she's ever done to me. And for completely undeserved reasons too. When my sister found out I was eating at the hospital cafeteria, she went off on me over how that food is just for people who are at the hospital because they need to be. We ended up in a big argument about it in which I told her it wasn't like I was taking food from the mouths of patients. Then she went to our parents to get them on her side like always. And they immediately sided with her just like I thought they would. They backed her up on how the hospital cafeteria was not a place to go eating casually. And we had a big argument. They spent days hounding me and telling me I was wrong, and demanding I stop. So I went to Reddit. And here I learned that not only was I not doing anything wrong. But it's a very common thing for people to go eat at hospital cafeterias just because they like it. I hoped the situation would just fade away. But a few days later, my sister called me asking if I had stopped eating at the hospital. I said no. And then it started all over again. My parents then called me fuming and acting like I was supposed to stop going because they said so. I reminded them that I don't live under their roof anymore. And this is exactly the kind of reason why I moved out. They take my sister's side in almost everything. They huffed and puffed about it. This time the fight didn't stay at home though. Other relatives found out because my sister tried to broaden her support. She was so dead set on enforcing her will upon me, that she went looking for help from other relatives. But our parents were the only ones on her side. And my uncle personally admonished my parents and her over the phone for it once I told him what actually happened. He told them they were only siding with my sister because she's their favorite. And they're terrible parents for ever playing favorites to begin with. Then cousin went to eat with me at that hospital cafeteria, and said he'd like to go there once as week too, as he also works nearby and bicycles everywhere. We've run into each other at lunch there once already since then. He was actually rather pleased to find out the food was made healthier than most other places. He's a bit of a picky eater. So this place is kinda like his new lunch hangout. And my sister got even angrier after finding out there were other people in the family eating at the hospital now too. Once outed, my parents backed down due to embarrassment. They apologized to me, and gave me some malarkey that they honestly thought eating at a hospital was weird, and that they felt like they just needed to defend my sister. I told them they'd been placating my sister for so long, that it's all they do whenever she starts something with anyone. She's been treating me like a condescending control freak and a bully since we were teenagers, even though I'm older. And they just kept enabling that. But I won't put up with it anymore. My parents ended up conceding, and apologized. Then they made my sister apologize to me too. And I could tell she hated every second of it, because she tried to speak through her teeth at first. Later on my parents invited me to dinner as another form of apology. But it felt more like a show to look good to the rest of the family, because they told everyone about it before it even happened. The dinner was great, I can't deny. My parents had cooked a turkey. Arguable one of my favorite things to eat. I love the drumsticks slathered with gravy. Yeah, I'm kinda a pig when I eat them. But I can't help it. My sister always thought it hilarious. And was one of the few things I didn't mind her laughing about. So I thought nothing of why she was so giggly at dinner. Later after the family dinner, I noticed that my bike was missing. I'd parked it in the back yard out of sight. But it was just gone. I freaked out because it's my only mode of transportation. My parents did panic a bit with me. But my sister seemed just the opposite. She actually looked happy and was still giggling. I immediately suspected her, and she played innocent. She even gave the "I can't believe you'd think I'd do something like that!" line. I already knew she's extremely petty. But this was a whole new level of it for her. So I said that I was gonna go over to the neighbor because I know they have cameras, and they'd have seen what happened. And then I'd call the cops. My sister suddenly looked panicked, and I got mad and said I knew it was her. And demanded my bike back. She started crying and saying she didn't do anything. And our parents were immediately taking her side while scolding me for daring to accuse her. So I had enough and said I was going to the neighbor's to ask to check their cameras. And then I'd be calling police. My sister finally fessed up and called me to come back. The looks on our parents' faces after they'd just defended her were priceless. My sister said she was just so angry at me for having made her apologize for something she still believed she was right about. So she planned to have a couple of her friends to come and grab my bike during dinner. She said her friends were in a minivan with it just down the street. She then started saying that I couldn't call police on her anyway, because I'm her big brother. Our parents backed that up too. But I pulled out my phone and started marching outside again. They ran after me with my sister begging and crying for me to stop. I called her a brat. And then I told my parents I couldn't believe they were still defending her when she was acting this way. Our parents finally hit their enabling limit with her and told her to make her friends bring my bike back immediately. She got on her phone while sniffling and called her friends up. But then she suddenly ran into her room to talk to them. I couldn't hear a thing she said through the door because it was all in whispers. And our parents looked very worried too. My sister would never have willingly admitted she had my bike stolen. She just kept sobbing that it was only a prank over and over again. And she also kept using the excuse that it's just a cheap bike anyway. I bought it used some months ago for $50. But it's in great shape. And it's my main mode of transportation. My sister kept looking at our parents to back her up. And that time they just couldn't. So she just slumped down in a chair hugging her knees and waiting with the rest of us. My sister looked increasingly freaked out the longer her friends took to bring my bike back, and was repeatedly texting them. Even though my sister said her friends were just down the street, it took them roughly an hour to bring my bike back. They finally pulled up in the minivan with my bike shoved in the back. And it was completely soaked and all muddy. Like it'd just been pulled out of a wet muddy ditch. The bike is a 700c, so it's too tall for either of them to ride. So they just drove right up and stole the bike by dragging it into the van as fast as they could before taking off. I say they stole it because I was almost certain in the moment my sister had told them to dispose of my bike. Had I not pointed out the neighbors have cameras, I may not have gotten it back. When her friends did finally arrive, their legs were all muddy and wet nearly up to their knees. They both begged me not report them to police for taking the bike. I asked while recording them to tell me the truth, and pointed out the neighbors have cameras. Did my sister want them to get rid of my bike? They broke down and said yes, my sister wanted them to take the bike and dump it in a pond a few miles away. And they had to go back and get it when they realized they were caught. My bike had been near completely submerged in muddy water. Thankfully I didn't have many added accessories on it other than a detachable headlight and my water bottle. But the water bottle was missing. I wasn't surprised by what my sister's friends told me. And I had them tell our parents too. They laid into my sister till she was bawling on the floor kicking and pounding like a toddler. I had never seen my sister act that way since she actually was a toddler. And I found it mortifying she was still like this on the inside. Then she shut herself in her room. Her friends were banned from ever coming to my parents' house again. Then my sister was forced to come out of her room by our mother, and make another big apology to me. Our father then forced her to wash and oil my bike from stem to stern under his supervision while I took apart the headlight and cleaned it out to dry it. By the time my sister was done, it was dark outside. She glared at me like I was the devil when she came back in the house. But our parents shut her attitude right down, and said they've never been more embarrassed by her in their lives. She went back to crying in her room. I had a very frank discussion with my parents about my sister's child-like behavior. And how it stemmed from their spoiling and enabling. I said I couldn't believe I had to be the voice of reason. But the fact that she was on the floor crying like a toddler, kicking and pounding, showed that she's still mentally a child because of them. And they kept making me the scapegoat when she screwed up, so she barely knows any sense of accountability. For once they didn't argue with me about it. And then my father silently drove me and my bike back to my apartment with his SUV. He also gave me some money to replace my bike's missing water bottle before we parted. My sister and her clique used to harass me a fair bit whenever we ran into each other. They made fun of me as a group whenever possible. And I usually just ignored them because they bored me. And that really seemed to tick them off. But after the bike incident, I got sent numerous messages from numbers I didn't know cussing me out for making my sister cry over a silly prank. Knowing her, my sister probably fed everyone she knew a very different story on what happened. I texted lengthy replies of what actually happened, and even stated I have recordings of her friends admitting the truth. Some people at my sister's college found out what actually went down. Maybe from my texts, maybe her friends spilled the beans. But it embarrassed my sister so much she came home having a crying tantrum about how people there were calling her and her friends B's and a bike thieves. I may not have gone to college. But I know students who need them are VERY protective of their bikes. A lot of them live on shoestring budgets after all. My sister said someone even joked that they shouldn't leave a bike around her, because it might just disappear if she had to apologize to anyone. My sister ended up so upset that she refused to leave her room for three days to have her pity party. My parents called me up to try and turn everything on me again. I reminded them about the discussion we had days before, and that they needed to stop babying her, and let her deal with the repercussions of her own actions. If she fails her classes again, it's because she's not trying like she should be. Then I went off on them how were just looking for someone to blame to make her feel better. She made the problem. Not me. And I wasn't gonna be the one they make the scapegoat anymore. My sister is an adult. And she needs to act like it. They sounded defeated, and then apologized before ending the call. Looks like they were genuinely hoping I'd just sit back and take the blame so my sister would get better. But I never will again. Now my parents are trying to pretend this all never happened, and my sister as well as her clique are avoiding me at all costs. Which I suppose is fine with me. Because I don't want anymore drama. But the next time something like this happens, I won't take it from them. TLDR: My sister make a big deal of me eating at a hospital cafeteria, and then had her friends steal and dump my bike just because I made her apologize to me. Now she's being ridiculed by everyone. RELEVANT COMMENTS aquavenatus I remember your post on #AITA. Your sister is that bratty that she would have her friends steal your bike and ruin it just to make a point?! And, your parents don’t see a problem with it?! What did the rest of your family say about this?! OOP Oh they were furious with them. I didn't include details about it because the post was already way too long. But my aunt and uncle gave my parents one hell of a dressing down, twice. The first time in person the day after the bike theft happened. They had a long discussion with my parents over how their babying has prevented my sister from growing up. And she wouldn't be able to function without them if she never learns to become an adult. The second time was after my parents called me to try and make me take blame when my sister locked herself in her room for three days. I talked with my cousin that evening when we met up to have dinner together. And he told his parents (My aunt and uncle). And they called my parents to ask them what the hell. Then told them that they were beyond ashamed of them that they still tried to make me the scapegoat. And that they didn't care if old habits die hard. It's gonna stop. Lets just say my sister wasn't the only one crying anymore. No one has told me anything about what's going on with my sister at her college for a while. And she's avoiding me. My parents have also not spoken to me since that call. So I have no idea what's going on at their end. NEW UPDATE * Update to my post about my sister having my bike stolen and dumped. Our parents decided to move my bratty sister out for her own good Jan 7, 2025 (7 months later) I was just browsing youtube yesterday when I saw a video about my last post. And I realized I never made a final update. So here it is. To start things off, yes, my bike is fine. I managed to avoid anything on it getting rusty or clogged up after my sister had it dumped in a pond. It already was not new. And there were no new creaks or groans from it. I was worried something on it would go bad. But it's a really simple single speed bike. So it works just fine after having everything oiled after being submerged in water. I re-greased the crank bearings anyway. I've also changed out the rear tube and tire myself a few months ago. And I still ride practically everywhere. On to my brat of a sister. She barely managed to pass college. And she did try to blame her low grades on me and depression from the bike incident multiple times. But even our parents stopped allowing her to do that. They finally hit their limits and started cracking down on her bad behavior, and made her sit in her room and study whenever she had a pity party or tantrum. They threatened to cut off the wifi and shut off her phone multiple times if she didn't actually get her homework done. She cried and said she hated them. But she sucked it up and finally did as told. She finally managed to graduate. But her graduation was not a very fun time for her. We all went out to celebrate with her. But she was just not happy. And the reason why is because she has no friends anymore. And she'd hoped to party with her former clique friends after graduation. But they all cut her off some time ago because she's a brat. As an ironic punishment, our parents started making my sister ride a bicycle to get around. She hated it more than she hates the bus. It's a cruiser bike our dad picked up used for her. And our parents practically begged me to take her out on weekend rides to get her out of the house for a few hours. And I did. But only because they asked nicely and offered dinner. Last we spoke of it, my sister still held firm she believes it's wrong to eat at the hospital for some reason. But couldn't find any valid reason to justify it when asked why by anyone. Literally no one sided with her about it anymore. Even our parents admitted they no longer find it weird after being told the cafeteria is actually a separate business from the hospital. And as another show to the family, they actually went with me to have a family lunch at the hospital a couple of times. And they forced my sister to come along. She looked weirdly fidgety, and openly said she couldn't believe they made her eat there when it was against her beliefs. She kind of worded it in a way as like it was against her religion, or something. And was told off for exactly that. So she just cried like she always did. But was told to grow up. I think she was just standing by her so-called beliefs because she'd have to admit she was wrong to herself if she did. And she just wouldn't do that. There have been times I questioned if she's not just a spoiled control freak, but a narcissist too. Though I'm far from qualified to diagnose anyone. My sister's clique all ended up abandoning her as a friend because being involved with her screwed them over too. Since at least two of them shared in her plan to steal my bike and dump it, they all got hazed for it when word got out. So the clique blamed my sister for everything, and stopped talking to her to save their own reputations. While I didn't file a police report, the two girls who stole my bike did get in big trouble with their families. And that minivan they were driving. It turned out it was borrowed from one of their parents. And they stopped allowing it's use after finding out what happened. The parents who owned the mini-van even visited me to apologize to me on behalf of their daughter, and also asked for a copy of the video I took. Which I gave. Even though they were fully complicit, the clique put it all on my sister and threw her under the bus to everyone. I guess now my sister knows how it feels to be the scapegoat. She was also laughed at for a while since she was forced to ride a bike to and from college since our parents decided it was cheaper than the bus, and my sister no longer had friends to carpool with. And no, her bike was not stolen or vandalized. My sister just hated it. Our dad has also forced her to learn how to fix and maintain the bike herself too. He used to tinker on bikes in his youth, and still has the tools around. So he knows enough to do all his own work on bikes. Even though he no longer rides them himself. And he taught me the basics of working on them too. For those who said that my sister would do something even more crazy or retaliate against me. She did nothing of the sort. She's just bitter. She was made to get counseling, and it's improved her slightly. But if it has any real effect, for all I know it'll take years to see a change in her. But she doesn't try to boss me around anymore. I've been called over for dinner by my parents a number of times since my last post. And my sister barely speaks to me at the table. And she seemed further annoyed by the fact I was completely unbothered by it too. She's been told by everyone, even our parents to an extent, that she destroyed her own reputation. But she can't seem to stop putting blame on me because she needs a scapegoat. I also chained and locked my bike whenever I visited home from the prank incident onward. Just in case. After my sister finished college, my parents suddenly announced that my sister was moving out of their house. She openly did not want to. But they forced her to get a job immediately, and made her find an apartment. They said her party days were over, and it's time they made her learn about adult life. Multiple relatives told my parents that my sister wouldn't really grow up unless she lives on her own and pays her own bills. My parents deliberated about it for some time, because she was obviously their golden child. But my sister would never become an adult so long as they kept things as they were. My sister is still not happy about it at all, because she loved being a spoiled leech. But she couldn't blame me for that, as I was not involved in this decision in any way. And she knows it. But she had multiple "It was just a bike!" tantrums when she was trying to put the blame on me when things weren't going well for her at college. Our mother once smacked her upside the head and told her to stop acting like I was the one causing all her problems. And it wasn't just a bike to me, it's borderline my livelihood since it's my primary mode of transportation. Currently my sister shares a two bedroom apartment with three other girls. She had to be moved further away so her reputation wouldn't follow her when she got a job. My mother really cried over that. My sister is working in an office, and learning how to be a secretary. But she moans and groans about hating her current life. But also tries to rub it in my face about what she'll do when she makes better money than me. I just told her "You do you", and she got mad I didn't take the bait. She does not like her roommates, and still has to ride the bike our father got her to get around. Her commute isn't far. Just a few miles. So she doesn't waste money on the bus, and walking is too slow for her. She wanted, if not practically demanded our parents to buy her a car since they kicked her out of the house, and they refused to get her one. Which made her stop talking to them for a while. I think it's probably pretty obvious my sister and I don't go on bike rides together anymore. That stopped as soon as she moved out. While we were still doing weekend rides together, my sister tried multiple immature plugs she could think of at me. I don't even remember most of them, because I just ignored her taunts and didn't even act irritated. Then she'd call me dense or Special Ed, and would roll her eyes. Among her repeated immature taunts, one was trying to say things like her bike is better than mine, because it actually has gears. But she could never outpace me anyway. It kinda seemed to make her determined to get in better shape at least. I think she just wants me to be the big loser, so she doesn't feel like one. My sister obviously wants a car, but can't afford one on her own yet because she's not good at saving. She wanted our parents to buy her an E-bike for Christmas, and they refused after seeing how much good ones cost. My sister has already cost them a lot of money anyway since they covered all three years of her college. As a bit of a joke on Christmas, I gave her new tires for her bike. Which she gave me the stink eye for. Our parents also had to bail her out financially a couple of times in 2024, because she didn't manage her finances well. At this point, despite how much she's been beat down to the consequences of real life, she still acts like a spoiled brat in denial. But otherwise she is somehow managing. Though another thing she's used to be angry at me about these days is the fact I live alone, and she has to have roommates to afford rent. I've met her roommates too. And they actually seemed to really like me. Which really upset my sister more. I think the reason she hates all of them so much is because they don't bend to her will like our parents used to. She really hates it when people don't do what she wants. So it must be a nightmare for her to be living with people who don't put up with any of her demands. That about sums up everything till now. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ta_poly Wife wants to have a baby with only one person in our relationship. I don't want it to happen. Originally posted to r/polyamory Original Post Feb 9, 2016 Short version of the story: I've been in a five way poly-ish relationship for many years. Wife wants to have a kid with one specific person, and I don't really like him. Not sure how to put my foot down without seeming like a controlling jerk. Longer version: My wife(34F, Lori) and I (35M) have been together for 16 years and married for 13, and our relationship has been open since the day we met in college. About eight years ago we met another couple Kyle (34M) and Andi (33F) who were also open and poly, and we hit it off right away. In 2012 Andi got pregnant and, after a bit of math, we realized that I was probably the father. After discussing our future, we had a commitment ceremony in July 2012 and have all been a family ever since. When that occurred, Andi already had one baby with Kyle, and Lori had two by me. On the periphery of all this was Joseph (34M). Joseph and Kyle have been friends since college, and Joseph, Kyle and Andi have had an intermittent sexual relationship since then. There was never anything serious there, but he was a regular third man in their threesomes. After the commitment ceremony, Joseph occasionally joined all of us for bedroom fun, but it was again an intermittent thing, and nothing serious. So it wasn't a huge suprise when Andi's baby turned out to be Joseph's and not mine. It was stilla suprise, but it wasn't a problem. The baby was welcomed into our family, and Joseph became a more regular guest in our home. About a year after the baby was born, a few things happened that seriously changed things. First, both Andi and Lori got pregnant again. As we'd later learn, Andi's baby really was mine this time around, and Lori's baby is Kyles. Shortly after that, Joseph was involved in a very serious motorcycle accident. He was hospitalized for nearly two months, lost his job, lost his apartment, and needed a lot of help. We ended up moving him in as a "temporary" thing to help him out. That was a year and a half ago. He's still here. Kyle is happy to have his old friend around all the time, the women both like him a lot, the sex is great between all of them, etc. Three days ago, Lori was hinting around that she needed to talk about something "serious" but didn't know how to broach it. After a bit of discussion, it came out. She wants to have one more baby. And not just anyones baby. She wants to have Joseph's baby. She wants to go off the pill, and have Kyle and I either abstain from having sex with her, or to have only condom-protected sex until Joseph gets her pregnant. When I asked her why, she just shrugged her shoulders and said that she loved him too, and that it was "only fair". She said that Andi had a child by each of the three of us, and that she wanted to have a child by each of us too. After a bit more discussion, it came out that the idea was his, and that he was feeling "left out" because he didn't have a child with her. Putting aside the childish notion that babies should be created solely to placate someones sense of "fairness", I have a few serious problems with this. First, we already have six kids in the house, which is already a bit much at times. I thought we were all done having kids, and am not sure I really want any more. Second, there is no commitment to Joseph. Where the rest of us have gone through a commitment ceremony to join ourselves to each other, he hasn't. But the biggest is also the simplest. I don't really like the guy. Never have. He's got this odd vibe and has always struck me as a bit untrustworthy. He honestly reminds me of a shady used car salesman. He also drinks too much, is a bit of a bigot, and has a personality that I find grating. I didn't object to him hanging around now and then because he was Kyle's friend, and I didn't have a problem with the sex because it was just sex and I understood the history of their relationship, but now I'm wishing that I had. To be honest, I've long hoped that he'd meet someone who wasn't into polyamory, just to get him out of OUR sex lives and relationship. When he moved in after the accident, I kept my mouth shut because they were just trying to be helpful, and the discussions about his long term plans have always alluded to the idea that he'd be moving out again some day. When he'd really annoy me, I'd tell myself that it was "just temporary". Now I'm facing the possibility that this guy is going to be around forever. Kyle and Andi love the idea and think that Lori having Joseph's baby is "romantic". Lori is looking to cement some kind of bond to him. I, on the other hand, seem to get angrier and angrier every time I see him. Almost violently angry. I want to chase this guy out of our home and never let him in again. I want to punch him square in his smug face. I "temporarily" tolerated someone that I disliked because I wanted to be generous and helpful, and because he's the father of one of Andi's children. Now because I didn't want to be a dick and consign a disabled man to homelessness, he's worked his way into our relationship and seems quite content to stay there forever. If this pregnancy happens, I know he'll never move out. How do I even begin to approach this? I don't really care if Joseph gets hurt in this, but every other solution seems to lead to the other people in my family being miserable, them being angry with me, or me living in silent misery. I can't see any way to resolve this that doesn't involve hurting those I love, or hurting myself. Does anyone have any insights or suggestions? I don't want to lose this wonderful family that we've built, but every route I see seems to do it harm. What do you do when EVERY OTHER MEMBER of your family wants to include a new person into the family, and you don't? RELEVANT COMMENTS Thank you. I didn't realize until I read it in your post that I really do hate the guy now. I'm not sure when that happened. A few days ago, I just disliked him a lot. Since learning that he wants to have a baby with my wife, that "dislike" has been festering in a pool of anger and has grown into something quite a bit darker. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. At myself. At him. At the whole situation. You're right that I need to have this discussion and these things out there. Keeping it bottled up isn't healthy and it's making things a lot worse. I don't want to hate the guy (I don't want to hate anybody), but keeping it bottled up is eating me alive. For my own mental health, I need to get this out there. Update: Thank you everyone for your responses. Your comments have been helpful. Time for me to head home for the day, so I won't be responding any longer. I'll have to think through some of these suggestions and figure out how to proceed, but I will absolutely speak up and let everyone know my feelings. It may be too late, and the damage may be unavoidable, but it has to happen. Update 2: After I got home, I told Lori that we needed to talk and that we needed to seriously discuss some things before there was any more talk about babies. I told Andi and Kyle that we needed to have a meeting in the morning to discuss Joseph, but didn't want to go into it tonight because he and all the kids were home. They figured out really quickly that I'm not happy with things, and we'll hash it out tomorrow after Joseph heads off to his morning rehab visit and the older kids head off to school. Update 3 Feb 10, 2016 UPDATE 3 Wow, where to begin. We had "the discussion" this morning, and it went about as poorly as expected. I began by clearing the air about my feelings for Joseph. I reminded everyone that he and I have never got along, and that I've always viewed his presence in our home as a temporary thing. I told them all that I STILL view it as a temporary thing, and that I can't support any moves to make his presence in our home more permanent. That's when Kyle and Andi dropped a bombshell...following Lori's announcement a few days ago, they'd been talking about asking Joseph to join our family formally through a commitment ceremony, to make him a permanent part of our household. They were apparently going to bring it up with me today. I reminded them that, as part of our original commitment, we'd agreed that any additions to our family had to be done unanimously, and made it very clear that I'd never agree to that. My statement led to a HUGE argument, which included them calling me "selfish" and the statement that the three of them could hold a commitment ceremony without me. I didn't want to go there, but I shut that down by saying "Understand that, if you do that, you're not talking about adding someone new to the family. You're talking about replacing me with him. I can't stay in a family that would hurt and disrespect me that way." That led to even more arguing that didn't have any real conclusion. That's when I turned to Lori. I told her that I loved her, and that it broke my heart that she wanted to have a child with someone I couldn't stand. I also told her that I found it offensive that he'd ask her to have a child to placate his own ego, but that I thought the request was fairly consistent with his lack of character. I reminded her that a child is not an object to be traded for affection or love, and that they should only be created as an expression of that love (thanks callmebrotherg). I told her, without any hesitation, that having a child with Joseph would irrevocably change our relationship and drive a wedge between us. She would be choosing his happiness over mine, and that's how relationships end. She was crying the whole time, and when I was done she called me selfish and mean. She told me that she loved us both, and that she wouldn't choose between us. She flat out said that she wanted to have one more baby, that she'd already talked to Joseph about it, and that she wasn't going to "go back on her word." She then offered to get rid of the "exclusive" part, saying that she was willing to go off the pill and have sex with both of us, letting fate decide the babies paternity. I told her this was unacceptable, reminded her that I'm her husband and family, and he's not, and said that in not making a decision she was actually making a choice. I told her that I'd be more than willing to have another child with her, but that having a child with Joseph would be the end of us. And then I went to work. The discussion didn't really change anything or lead to any firm decisions, but the information is now out there and everyone knows where everyone else stands. We'll see where everything goes from here... Update 4. Final Update Feb 11, 2016 Thank you to the posters of this sub (follow up to "Wife wants to have a baby [with someone else]...I don't") I originally posted this as a final update to my original thread, but it had fallen off the main page and I realized that nobody was going to see it. I hope the mods don't mind me reposting it here in its own thread. For those who have no clue what I'm talking about, the original thread is here: https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/44y930/wife_wants_to_have_a_baby_with_only_one_person_in/ UPDATE 4 FINAL UPDATE Well, in the day since my last update, a lot has happened. Some genuinely suprised me, and it looks like my family will be changing a bit, but things appear to be settling down. I should mention that this will be my LAST update. I mentioned to Lori that I'd been discussing our situation on the Reddit poly group, and she wanted to read it. After bawling her eyes out as she read through it, she apologized to me...for everything...and we spent the night together. No sex, just holding each other all night. This morning she asked me to not discuss this anymore until we get everything worked out, but said I could post one final update. So where to begin... First, Joseph is moving out. Yep, it actually happened. And the shocking thing? It was HIS IDEA. He finally demonstrated some of that "nice guy" personality to me that I've never been able to connect with. I knew that Joseph would be home when I returned from work yesterday, and I was honestly expecting the worst. I was sure that someone would have clued him in on our conversation and expected him to react with his usual asshole persona. It didn't happen. Instead, a few minutes after I came home, Joseph walked into my room and asked me to join him in the backyard for a conversation. I was expecting a fistfight, but got an apology instead. He admitted that we've never got along, and admitted that he's never liked me either, but said that he didn't feel right about coming between me and Lori. He went on to talk about how happy his son is in our family, and how he didn't want to destroy that family. At the same time, he talked about how much he loved living with his son, and how he really didn't want to go back to only seeing him once a week (I'd never thought about that). In the end, he proposed a solution that I accepted. There's a nice apartment complex about two blocks from our house, and he wants to get an apartment there when he lands a job. He's pretty good at what he does and already has some job leads, so he anticipates that will happen pretty soon. He can visit our house whenever he wants during the week (I'm at work anyway), and can spend up to two nights a week at my house to be closer to his kid. If he does it right, that means he could still potentially see his son 7 days a week, while I only have to deal with him for two. It's a great solution that gives us both what we want. He's also already told Lori that he doesn't want to have a baby with her, so that's now off the table. He actually admitted that he wanted to have a baby with Lori, but said that he didn't want to stick her into the middle of a conflict over it. And then we had a beer together. I didn't even complain when he handed me one of his pisswater Coors Lights (totally not kidding, this guy really does fit certain stereotypes). My low opinion of the guy went up a notch. As for Lori... She was a tearful mess for most of the day apparently, and Joseph taking the baby off the table was fairly devastating for her. After I got home and we talked a bit, she unloaded her soul and let me know just how much she wants another baby, and how much it hurt her that neither Kyle or myself want one with her. And then she felt even more hurt when neither of us even clued in on her level of hurt over it. After several hours of talking, we came to an agreement. We're going to have one more baby, but we'll wait another year for it. And, interestingly, she wants it to be mine. Not Kyle's or Josephs. Kyle apparently doesn't have a problem with that at all. So, what about her relationship with Joseph? Well, here's where polyamory and open relationships can get complicated. The commitment ceremony is off the table, but she still wants to date him and have some sort of a relationship with him. No babies, no pregnancy, just love and sex now and then. She won't ever sleep with him when he's staying over at our house, but she'll still be going out on dates with him, visiting him at his place from time to time, and will be staying overnight on occasion (like, maybe once a month). While I have to admit that I'm still not totally thrilled with that, it's really just going back to the relationship they had before he moved in with us. I'll tolerate it for her happiness. Andi, on the other hand, is a problem. She is still furious with me over all of this and isn't showing any signs of backing down. In a way, it's understandable. She's had a sexual/emotional relationship with Joseph since she was 21 years old, and is the mother of his child, so she was really looking forward to him becoming part of our family and was deeply hurt by my rejection. Kyle told me last night that she had even talked about leaving the family over it and moving in with Joseph, but that it was "just angry talk". Right now, I can only get cold stares and slammed doors from her. I really don't know how this is going to resolve itself, but for the sake of OUR daughter, I'll never stop trying. I stuck her in the middle of a fight between the fathers of two of her children, two men she loves, and she's furious at me for even forcing the choice. It may take some time for both of us to work through it. Kyle is a bit of a different story. He admitted that he knew Joseph and I didn't get along, and apologized to me for not talking to me sooner to make sure I was OK with everything. He apparently blames himself for the arguing, thinking that it was his job to run interference since Joseph was originally his friend, and I'm a life partner in his family. I told him not to worry about it because it was my fault that I didn't bring it up myself. Then we had a beer (Sierra Nevada West Coast Porter this time...Kyle has much better taste). So, with that, I'm going to wrap this up. I'd like to thank you all for your insights, commentary, and for putting up with my venting. Posting this here gave me a place to mentally work through some of these issues before I broached them with my family, and probably saved me from making some very ugly comments and choices. I genuinely appreciated reading your responses, and I know that Lori found many of your comments eye opening and insightful as well (she loves the thought that we're a "tribe"). Because someone requested it, we may come back and do an AMAA at some point about the emotional and family dynamics of living in a large poly/tribal household, but we need to finish working through the current situation first. Much love to you all. OOP on his feelings for Joseph after the fact now This has raised my level of respect for him a bit, and I'm trying to move past the resentment this situation created. When Joseph and I were talking about not liking each other, we both agreed that, if nothing else, we both needed to be respectful of each other for the sake of the kids and the other members of the family (I brought it up, he fully agreed). Neither of us seems to want any kind of open conflict or competition in the household. Though, when I asked him to talk to Andi last night to get her to sit down and have a conversation with me (two days now without a word from her), his response was a blunt "You broke it. You fix it." We've still got a long way to go. And why Joseph did what he did in the end I wouldn't say that I like him more, but I certainly have a bit more respect for him. He made it pretty clear that he was doing this for his son, and that he was putting his sons needs before his own. His kid has a happy, stable life and he wants to keep it that way. When he realized that he couldn't have what he wanted without also screwing up his kids life, he put his child first. I have an enormous amount of respect for that decision. His entire solution really revolves around his son. It keeps him involved in his sons life on a daily basis, it puts him just around the corner so his son can visit him constantly, it reduces strife in his sons household, and it gives the kid stability. I understand where it's coming from too. I mentioned in the original discussion that he'd once liquidated his investments and retirement accounts to buy his sister and her kids a house after her husband walked out on them. The guy came from a fairly broken, unstable home and wants better for his children. When his sister was facing the same situation, he was saving her kids more than he was saving his sister. When his own kid was facing a self-destructing family, he pulled himself out of it to put the kids well being first. I don't know that Joseph and I will ever be friends, but my anger has largely faded and I wouldn't say that I hate him. I have a lot more respect for him than I did before this happened, but I think we're too different to actually ever like each other. As I said in the OP, he openly admitted that the feeling is mutual. My only regret in letting Lori read the other thread is that she saw the word "hate" there. I've never used the word in an actual conversation over the past week, but Lori did mention it to Andi. Looking back, I think the hatred a reaction to being stuck in the middle of the situation at the time, and I absolutely don't feel any hatred toward him now. Still, it's hard to unsay a word. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Same-Philosopher-927 AITAH for going to eat at a hospital cafeteria roughly once a week? My sister and family are telling me it's wrong Originally posted to r/AITAH & r/EntitledPeople TRIGGER WARNING: theft, favoritism Thanks to u/PlanetQueen1912 for suggesting this and u/Uristlmiknorris for finding the links Original Post Apr 25, 2024 Ok, hear me out. I work just a few blocks away from a hospital, and get there pretty quickly by bicycle. Their cafeteria is quaint with good prices. So usually once a week or so, I'll go there for lunch. The foodisn't what I would call amazing. But they have nice variety from time to time. The staff even recognize me, and are always pleasant. They don't mind that I'm just there for lunch. And it's far quieter eating there than at any local restaurant. I'm on the spectrum, and don't like loud noises. So the quiet lunches in this place are a godsend for me some days. Recently my sister found out I've been eating at the hospital. And went off on me over how hospital cafeterias are only supposed to be there for people who are at the hospital because they need to be. I retorted that I was giving them business, and it's not like I was taking food out of the mouths of patients. And I only went once a week. So what was the big deal? But she still insisted I was wrong. Then she got our parents involved, and they're siding with her. They are telling me I should only be eating at the hospital if I had an actual reason to be there. I told them they were all crazy, and it was just normal food that I was paying for. But now because neither they or I are backing down, I'm torn. AITA for going to eat lunch in a hospital cafeteria once a week just because I work nearby? Edit: Thank you for all the comments. I will make this a hill to sit on if I have to now. My sister got mad at me for regularly eating in a hospital cafeteria, and got our parents on her side. The rest of the family laid into them for it. So my sister decided to prank me as revenge by literally having my bike stolen and dumped. I nearly called the cops. May 13, 2024 I really apologize for the length of this post. But writing down all the details took way longer than I thought. And this situation was downright crazy. I never thought my sister would do something like this. Not too long ago I (23m) posted in r/AITAH for advice because my parents and sister were angry at me for regularly eating in a hospital cafeteria because it's close to my work. I enjoy the peace and quiet there on the days I do show up to eat. But this situation escalated so radically, that I can't believe something so dumb actually happened. My sister did the pettiest thing she's ever done to me. And for completely undeserved reasons too. When my sister found out I was eating at the hospital cafeteria, she went off on me over how that food is just for people who are at the hospital because they need to be. We ended up in a big argument about it in which I told her it wasn't like I was taking food from the mouths of patients. Then she went to our parents to get them on her side like always. And they immediately sided with her just like I thought they would. They backed her up on how the hospital cafeteria was not a place to go eating casually. And we had a big argument. They spent days hounding me and telling me I was wrong, and demanding I stop. So I went to Reddit. And here I learned that not only was I not doing anything wrong. But it's a very common thing for people to go eat at hospital cafeterias just because they like it. I hoped the situation would just fade away. But a few days later, my sister called me asking if I had stopped eating at the hospital. I said no. And then it started all over again. My parents then called me fuming and acting like I was supposed to stop going because they said so. I reminded them that I don't live under their roof anymore. And this is exactly the kind of reason why I moved out. They take my sister's side in almost everything. They huffed and puffed about it. This time the fight didn't stay at home though. Other relatives found out because my sister tried to broaden her support. She was so dead set on enforcing her will upon me, that she went looking for help from other relatives. But our parents were the only ones on her side. And my uncle personally admonished my parents and her over the phone for it once I told him what actually happened. He told them they were only siding with my sister because she's their favorite. And they're terrible parents for ever playing favorites to begin with. Then cousin went to eat with me at that hospital cafeteria, and said he'd like to go there once as week too, as he also works nearby and bicycles everywhere. We've run into each other at lunch there once already since then. He was actually rather pleased to find out the food was made healthier than most other places. He's a bit of a picky eater. So this place is kinda like his new lunch hangout. And my sister got even angrier after finding out there were other people in the family eating at the hospital now too. Once outed, my parents backed down due to embarrassment. They apologized to me, and gave me some malarkey that they honestly thought eating at a hospital was weird, and that they felt like they just needed to defend my sister. I told them they'd been placating my sister for so long, that it's all they do whenever she starts something with anyone. She's been treating me like a condescending control freak and a bully since we were teenagers, even though I'm older. And they just kept enabling that. But I won't put up with it anymore. My parents ended up conceding, and apologized. Then they made my sister apologize to me too. And I could tell she hated every second of it, because she tried to speak through her teeth at first. Later on my parents invited me to dinner as another form of apology. But it felt more like a show to look good to the rest of the family, because they told everyone about it before it even happened. The dinner was great, I can't deny. My parents had cooked a turkey. Arguable one of my favorite things to eat. I love the drumsticks slathered with gravy. Yeah, I'm kinda a pig when I eat them. But I can't help it. My sister always thought it hilarious. And was one of the few things I didn't mind her laughing about. So I thought nothing of why she was so giggly at dinner. Later after the family dinner, I noticed that my bike was missing. I'd parked it in the back yard out of sight. But it was just gone. I freaked out because it's my only mode of transportation. My parents did panic a bit with me. But my sister seemed just the opposite. She actually looked happy and was still giggling. I immediately suspected her, and she played innocent. She even gave the "I can't believe you'd think I'd do something like that!" line. I already knew she's extremely petty. But this was a whole new level of it for her. So I said that I was gonna go over to the neighbor because I know they have cameras, and they'd have seen what happened. And then I'd call the cops. My sister suddenly looked panicked, and I got mad and said I knew it was her. And demanded my bike back. She started crying and saying she didn't do anything. And our parents were immediately taking her side while scolding me for daring to accuse her. So I had enough and said I was going to the neighbor's to ask to check their cameras. And then I'd be calling police. My sister finally fessed up and called me to come back. The looks on our parents' faces after they'd just defended her were priceless. My sister said she was just so angry at me for having made her apologize for something she still believed she was right about. So she planned to have a couple of her friends to come and grab my bike during dinner. She said her friends were in a minivan with it just down the street. She then started saying that I couldn't call police on her anyway, because I'm her big brother. Our parents backed that up too. But I pulled out my phone and started marching outside again. They ran after me with my sister begging and crying for me to stop. I called her a brat. And then I told my parents I couldn't believe they were still defending her when she was acting this way. Our parents finally hit their enabling limit with her and told her to make her friends bring my bike back immediately. She got on her phone while sniffling and called her friends up. But then she suddenly ran into her room to talk to them. I couldn't hear a thing she said through the door because it was all in whispers. And our parents looked very worried too. My sister would never have willingly admitted she had my bike stolen. She just kept sobbing that it was only a prank over and over again. And she also kept using the excuse that it's just a cheap bike anyway. I bought it used some months ago for $50. But it's in great shape. And it's my main mode of transportation. My sister kept looking at our parents to back her up. And that time they just couldn't. So she just slumped down in a chair hugging her knees and waiting with the rest of us. My sister looked increasingly freaked out the longer her friends took to bring my bike back, and was repeatedly texting them. Even though my sister said her friends were just down the street, it took them roughly an hour to bring my bike back. They finally pulled up in the minivan with my bike shoved in the back. And it was completely soaked and all muddy. Like it'd just been pulled out of a wet muddy ditch. The bike is a 700c, so it's too tall for either of them to ride. So they just drove right up and stole the bike by dragging it into the van as fast as they could before taking off. I say they stole it because I was almost certain in the moment my sister had told them to dispose of my bike. Had I not pointed out the neighbors have cameras, I may not have gotten it back. When her friends did finally arrive, their legs were all muddy and wet nearly up to their knees. They both begged me not report them to police for taking the bike. I asked while recording them to tell me the truth, and pointed out the neighbors have cameras. Did my sister want them to get rid of my bike? They broke down and said yes, my sister wanted them to take the bike and dump it in a pond a few miles away. And they had to go back and get it when they realized they were caught. My bike had been near completely submerged in muddy water. Thankfully I didn't have many added accessories on it other than a detachable headlight and my water bottle. But the water bottle was missing. I wasn't surprised by what my sister's friends told me. And I had them tell our parents too. They laid into my sister till she was bawling on the floor kicking and pounding like a toddler. I had never seen my sister act that way since she actually was a toddler. And I found it mortifying she was still like this on the inside. Then she shut herself in her room. Her friends were banned from ever coming to my parents' house again. Then my sister was forced to come out of her room by our mother, and make another big apology to me. Our father then forced her to wash and oil my bike from stem to stern under his supervision while I took apart the headlight and cleaned it out to dry it. By the time my sister was done, it was dark outside. She glared at me like I was the devil when she came back in the house. But our parents shut her attitude right down, and said they've never been more embarrassed by her in their lives. She went back to crying in her room. I had a very frank discussion with my parents about my sister's child-like behavior. And how it stemmed from their spoiling and enabling. I said I couldn't believe I had to be the voice of reason. But the fact that she was on the floor crying like a toddler, kicking and pounding, showed that she's still mentally a child because of them. And they kept making me the scapegoat when she screwed up, so she barely knows any sense of accountability. For once they didn't argue with me about it. And then my father silently drove me and my bike back to my apartment with his SUV. He also gave me some money to replace my bike's missing water bottle before we parted. My sister and her clique used to harass me a fair bit whenever we ran into each other. They made fun of me as a group whenever possible. And I usually just ignored them because they bored me. And that really seemed to tick them off. But after the bike incident, I got sent numerous messages from numbers I didn't know cussing me out for making my sister cry over a silly prank. Knowing her, my sister probably fed everyone she knew a very different story on what happened. I texted lengthy replies of what actually happened, and even stated I have recordings of her friends admitting the truth. Some people at my sister's college found out what actually went down. Maybe from my texts, maybe her friends spilled the beans. But it embarrassed my sister so much she came home having a crying tantrum about how people there were calling her and her friends B's and a bike thieves. I may not have gone to college. But I know students who need them are VERY protective of their bikes. A lot of them live on shoestring budgets after all. My sister said someone even joked that they shouldn't leave a bike around her, because it might just disappear if she had to apologize to anyone. My sister ended up so upset that she refused to leave her room for three days to have her pity party. My parents called me up to try and turn everything on me again. I reminded them about the discussion we had days before, and that they needed to stop babying her, and let her deal with the repercussions of her own actions. If she fails her classes again, it's because she's not trying like she should be. Then I went off on them how were just looking for someone to blame to make her feel better. She made the problem. Not me. And I wasn't gonna be the one they make the scapegoat anymore. My sister is an adult. And she needs to act like it. They sounded defeated, and then apologized before ending the call. Looks like they were genuinely hoping I'd just sit back and take the blame so my sister would get better. But I never will again. Now my parents are trying to pretend this all never happened, and my sister as well as her clique are avoiding me at all costs. Which I suppose is fine with me. Because I don't want anymore drama. But the next time something like this happens, I won't take it from them. TLDR: My sister make a big deal of me eating at a hospital cafeteria, and then had her friends steal and dump my bike just because I made her apologize to me. Now she's being ridiculed by everyone. RELEVANT COMMENTS aquavenatus I remember your post on #AITA. Your sister is that bratty that she would have her friends steal your bike and ruin it just to make a point?! And, your parents don’t see a problem with it?! What did the rest of your family say about this?! OOP Oh they were furious with them. I didn't include details about it because the post was already way too long. But my aunt and uncle gave my parents one hell of a dressing down, twice. The first time in person the day after the bike theft happened. They had a long discussion with my parents over how their babying has prevented my sister from growing up. And she wouldn't be able to function without them if she never learns to become an adult. The second time was after my parents called me to try and make me take blame when my sister locked herself in her room for three days. I talked with my cousin that evening when we met up to have dinner together. And he told his parents (My aunt and uncle). And they called my parents to ask them what the hell. Then told them that they were beyond ashamed of them that they still tried to make me the scapegoat. And that they didn't care if old habits die hard. It's gonna stop. Lets just say my sister wasn't the only one crying anymore. No one has told me anything about what's going on with my sister at her college for a while. And she's avoiding me. My parents have also not spoken to me since that call. So I have no idea what's going on at their end. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/ComparisonAdept9322 Originally posted to r/AITAH BoRUs: #1, #2 [New Update]: AITAH for not allowing my in-laws to see my daughter after they gave her "medication"? NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: violent deaths by shooting, attempted kidnapping, home invasion, emotional abuse, accusations of child abuse, neglect, harassment RECAP Original Post: January 4, 2024 I know how the title sounds, but please bare with me. Throwaway for obvious reasons. I [24M] and my Wife [24] recently had our daughter in July. She is the best thing to ever happen to my wife and I, and we couldn't be more thrilled to have our little bundle of joy. She recently got sick while staying with her grandparent's (My in-laws) while my wife and I took a trip for work. For context, my in laws are really big into "LifeWave/X-39". It's some patch that supposedly helps "regrow stem cells" by "reflecting light rays back into your body" allowing your body to produce more "stem cells to fight off disease's and sickness". (If you ask me, it sounds like a snake oil and my wife agrees, calling it a pyramid scheme) The only way to get said patches is by spending well over a thousand dollars, and than you're tasked with selling the patches yourself. (It's essentially some multi-level marketing product, where you the more patches you sell, the more money you make. Falling right in line with my wife's comparison to a pyramid scheme, but MLM's are somehow legal.) Now, I've tried doing research on X-39, and the only comments I've seen praise said product are brand new accounts never used before or after, or their entire profile is dedicated to shilling out for LifeWave/X-39. In my own research, they appear ti just be over priced stickers. They contain no medication, no "special UV rays" or anything of the sort. They're literally just an overpriced sticker with an air bubble. But my wife and I have made it very clear that we wanted no part in X-39 nor did we want our daughter to have it. Even if it's fake, we wanted no part in it and on the off Chance it did something, I didn't want our daughter to be used as their lab rat or guinea pig. Now, before we left our daughter with my in laws, we provided them with some infant medication, just in case she got sick. Can never be too safe, ya know? Well, we return home from rhe work trip early because our daughter wasn't getting any better, so we picked her up and went home. We were going to give her a bath, and in the process of taking her jacket off, we found an X-39 patch on her arm. Upon finding it, we immediately called her parents and demanded to know why she had a patch on her. Her parents tried saying that "It's safe for babie! We even ordered the ones for ages 7 and younger!!" And that "It's practically medication!" (Their words.) Which, still didn't answer our question. So my wife checked the go-bag, and the motrin we gave them was (while it was used), not used very much at all. Her parents tried claiming that someone else in their "group" or whatever "gave it to their son and they got better in a week!" Point is, we didn't buy it nor did we care. We've made it abundantly clear that we wanted nothing to do with x39 and we didn't want our daughter to be a part of it. They failed to listen. My wife was on the phone with them for over an hour, and while I don't know the exact length the conversation went to, I know it at least ended with her screaming " going to see my fucking daughter again, and if you attempt to come to my house we will call the police." Before hanging up. That was 3 days ago now, and we've had several missed calls from family members, her parents, her siblings and even family friends all saying that we overreacted, and they were just trying to help. Maybe we over reacted, but we wanted nothing to do with that, and despite making it clear, they went against our wishes and did it anyways. And instead of giving my daughter actual medication, they try to give her some placebo patch. Her parent's tried claiming that we're "stopping them from seeing their only grandchild over something so small." But we did the want to hear it. AITA? AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Relevant Comments lindapandrix: I kinda think YTAH for leaving your sick baby to go out of town. OOP: We didn't "leave a sick baby to go out of town". We left her with her grandparents while she was fine. We only packed Motrin because, as I stated in my post "You can never be too careful." She got sick WHILE we were out of town, not before. Mediocre-Key-4992: You say that like it's snake oil, like it's just as bad as the X-39. Was it advil and cough syrup? Or just a generic bottle that you wrote 'infant medication' on? You expect us to believe that you gave them medication just in case she got sick and then she immediately got sick? Come on, this sounds like total bs. OOP: Her grandparents don't exactly have children medication laying around. We packed her Motrin (Which I quite literally stated later in the post had you read it, not some "generic bottle" or "snake oil" and "just as bad") nor do they have the ability to really go anywhere. They live a good 30-40 minutes outside of any nearby town (The drive to and from her parents is a grand whole hour drive from where we live.) And my wife and I quite literally work with sick people all the time (No, I'm not a doctor nor do webhave medical expertise) so my wife and I contracting something is usually pretty high, so we pack Motrin or whatever the store brand is that we'll buy, everytime we left her with her grandparents for more than a day.   Update #1: February 8, 2024 (one month later) About a month ago I made this post ranting about my in-laws weird obsession with a (for lack of a better term) cult regarding "stem cell regeneration through patches" which... clearly isn't a real thing. There's been some development on that end, and while I'm confident things will likely end here, I wanted to give a quick update for those who may have been curious. I'm writing this on the toilet at work, so don't mind the rushi-ness of it all. After my wife essentially cut tied with them and we all received a million phone calls and text messages from family and friends, things quieted down for about a week or two. We started having my sister watch our daughter instead, when we had to work. We haven't had another out of trip town since the initial post, however. Through those couple of weeks we never really heard anything beyond a couple of supposed shit talking posts on Facebook bitching about us, but I can't seem the find the posts. We thought things were (probably... hopefully) going to end there but boy were we wrong. And this is.... quite the jump from the last post. My wife and I were visted by CPS about 2 weeks ago or so, after they received concerning calls about supposed "child abuse" and "negligence" within the household. Of course, nothing like that happened and the case worker was very quick to see that. We had asked who reported her, and while she couldn't say, we had a suspicion it was from her parents. We were completely helpful and cooperative with the case worker, and after she left that night, my wife called her mom up and asked her if she's the one who called CPS. Surprisingly, her mother took full accountability, but (not so surprisingly) tried to spin it in around in her favor, claiming that "She did it for our own good" because our daughter was "Sick" and she "Wasn't getting any better" when she was there so clearly we were doing something awful as parents. (Kids get sick, it happens. But they're also extreme anti-vaxxers. Not just Covid, I mean everything. From even as something as trivial as the flu shot. Yet, they're willing to shill out thousands of dollars for some supposed stem cell regeneration sticker. The fucking hypocrisy and irony in their bullshit is unmatched.) My wife didn't really know how to react to that, so she basically told her mom to go fuck herself, and she wants nothing to do with her again. I know I saw a few comments on the last post saying msybe we shouldn't have cut them out entirely, but now I'm starting to question why we didn't cut them out years ago, before our daughter was even a thought in our heads. About a week after the first audit, my mother in law showed up to our house on my day off while my wife was at work, and essentially demanded to see our daughter, forcing her way into our home bu pushing past my arm. When I told her to get the hell out of my house, she had no business matching in here like that, she essentially told me that I'm unfit to be a parent because I'm "depriving my daughter of help she desperately needed" because she's clearly "A very sick child" (My daughter is perfectly healthy right now, and in fact, has had no stiffy nose and no high temperature, nothing.) I told my MIL straight up that, she was batshit insane. I went off on her about how she lied to us, went against our wishes, had the audacity to call and lie to CPS, and than show up at our house unannounced/uninvited, and march herself inside, as well as EVERYTHING about her X-39/LifeWave bullshit. We argued there for a while, before I finally got so fed up — I told her to leave my house before I call the police. She stormed out of the house, and in true Karen fashion, said "This isn't over." Before slamming my door. I immediately called my wife who, was of course, Irate. The following morning, we filed a restraining order at the court house from her mom and dad, because they're clearly not in their right mindset. The case worker had to audit us a few more times as per their guidelines over the past 2 weeks, and yesterday was her last day where she informed us that we're doing good and she's sorry for the trouble they caused. We kept her up to speed on the LifeWave shit, the showing up unannounced and the restraining order, and though she couldn't really take a side, she seemed apologetic. But my wife and I are pretty livid. We started looking at houses in another state to get as far away from her in-laws as possible. Our company has offices out there, so it's entirely possible we could just be transferred, so we're crossing our fingers that all goes well, the restraining order gets filed soon enough, and we'll get a place clear across the country so that this will hopefully be my last update!   [FINAL UPDATE?] AITAH for not allowing my in-laws to see my daughter after they gave her "medication"?: July 7, 2024 (five months later) Original Post First update Hello everyone! Thank you for being so supportive! I've read some of the comments (Though not all! Far too many!) and I know some of you have asked for update(s), and so I wanted to give everyone an update for those still interested! Things aren't going to be as juicy in this post as the last 2 but some new things have happened so I'll just jump right in. After my in-laws called CPS on us for no discernable reasons other than we forbid them from seeing our daughter, things mostly quieted down. Some of you suggested that we should do more than just get a restraining order, so we bought some security cameras and had them installed all around our property and our neighbors (who are pretty good friends of ours) was in the loop for the most part and anytime we had to go somewhere, not only did we have video cameras recording everytime someone entered our driveway displayed directly on our phones, our neighbors kept us updated too. She stopped coming around for the first few months since she called CPS on us, but just the month before last, as we were preparing to move my in-laws somehow got word we planned on moving states and attempted to block our driveway as her dad tried blocking the front door. Not sure what their plan was there because we have a backdoor and an extra sidedoor leading from the kitchen, but I digress. Her mom blocked the driveway stopping our U-Haul or car from leaving the property and wouldn't budge, even after we told them we would call the police. They told us they'd move if we told them where we were moving to, but my wife told them that, that wasn't happening and they had 10 minutes to leave or we'd be calling the police. My neighbor came over during the commotion, but my in-laws still wouldn't budge. My daughter is crying during all of this as my wife is trying to console her, as my neighbor and I are attempting to remove my father in law from the doorway, but he wouldn't move. Eventually my wife called the police, and I'm guessing another neighbor called them as well because they responded within mere minutes. My inlaws kept screaming that we were "taking their rightful grandchild away" and that we'd all "be damned to burn in hell" for this, but honestly that just made me laugh. The police kept asking them to leave, but they wouldn't. Eventually they were arrested for refusing to leave and the police were nice enough to call a tow truck for us to be able to back out of the driveway. Low and behold, as the police were handcuffing my in-laws, they both had on those x-39 patches and even the police questioned them about it. But whatever, what's done is done. We were able to finally leave and on to new adventures. We've been settled in at our new house for the better part of over a month, and we're enjoying it greatly. No word from her in laws, and they have no idea where we are. We have them blocked but we'll eventually get messages from unknown numbers or Facebook accounts asking where we moved, but there's no way they're that foolish to believe we'll actually tell them. Luckily, neither my last state or this one have any grandparents rights, so we're in the clear there. Thank you everyone! Hopefully this is my last update! Relevant Comments quicksand32: Seriously look into a P.O. Box and have all mail routed there. OOP: Hey there! We actually did get our mail routed to a PO Box! SoFlaSun: Why were they not arrested for violating a restraining order? OOP: We informed the police they had a restraining order, I just don't think they cared. They were more concerned with getting them off our property as opposed to them violating the restraining order. I think one of their final charges after being arrested was violation of a restraining order though, the police just didn't seem to care at the time which is.... Unfortunate, to say the least.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Final Update: October 3, 2024 Well, this is certainly to be the last update, when I honestly thought the last post I made would be the final one. About 4½ months ago (give or take) me, my wife and daughter moved clear across the country to avoid her parents, and I'm happy to say that, beyond some annoying phone calls from different numbers, and messages on Facebook, things were quiet. About 3 months ago or so I posted what I thought would be the final update, but I know some of you asked to be kept in the loop, so here we are. Over a month ago or so, we were informed that her in-laws were shot and killed by the new homeowners of the previous house we lived in. In their infinite wisdom, they for some reason thought we never actually moved after not getting any responses and broke into our previous house to kidnap our daughter. The new homeowners were awake and after my in laws broke into what was our daughters room, which was now the homeowners childs room, the homeowners shot my father in law, killing him almost instantly. My mother in law tried to climb back out of the window but was shot in the back, and succumbed to it while in the hospital. I don't have all the details, these are just what I was able to piece together from the police report and my old neighbor. My wife is in shock and isn't quite sure how to handle the news, but she at least tells me that she at least knows now that pur daughter will finally be safe. After we got the news we just sat on the couch and I comforted her all night, and we both eventually fell asleep on the couch. She says she finally feels safe and is glad our kid will be, but she still never wanted them to die, and I get that. I don't wish death upon anybody. My wife and I are glad the current homeowners and their kid is okay a d she's shaken, worried that if we hadn't moved, they'd have succeeded and kidnapped our daughter. I told her there's no use worrying about the what ifs, because what's done is done and at least she's safe. My wife agreed, but I can still tell she's trying to wrap her head around the entire oredeal. We had started seeing a therapist about the entire experience and the therapist suggested taking a vacation, so I just recently purchased some tickets to Hawaii and had just surprised my wife with them this weekend, as a nice little getaway vacation, as my wife always wanted to go to Hawaii. My wife was ecstatic when I showed her the tickets and she's excited to go, and I'm hoping this vacation is just what she needs fo hopefully not stress as much. I feel awful knowing that my wife isn't sure where to go or what to do and I'm being her rock as best as I can, and I'm thankful that we have that therapist for her to work through some of her stress and get help. My wife and I are doing okay if anyone is curious, she's just trying to wrap her head around what happened. This will be my final update everyone, and I'm hoping everyone here has a great day. We leave for Hawaii in a week, so we're both excited. My wife has been trying to keep her mind off things by focusing on the trip, as she says it's helping. I'll catch everyone later, but don't expect any updates. Goodbye, everyone! Thank you all for your support!   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I (38M) have been married to Mike (35M) for three years, together for twelve years. We are very quiet, nerdy, nature-loving guys, not into flashy displays or drama at all. It was the tail end of the pandemic, and since the borders were partially open, we decided to road trip to Gibraltar and elope. The pandemic was a great excuse not to invite anyone to our wedding and just do what we wanted. When we told our lesbian friends Di (45F) and Anne (60F) what we were doing, they decided on the spot that we were going to have a double wedding and immediately started taking over, suggesting a bunch of trashy, expensive things we didn't want. This is the story of how they attempted to ruin our wedding and only ruined theirs. We initially decided that we'd get a rental car together and split it four ways, with Mike and Di splitting the driving. A month before the wedding, Di and Anne decided it'd be cheaper to take the train—well, six trains actually—across three countries. I immediately said no, and it turned out Di didn't even have her driver's license and had been driving illegally for years! Mike offered to do all the driving if they split the rental car with us. They declined because it was too expensive and took the train instead. Obviously, it went terribly for them. Trains were canceled, tickets were lost, and they missed out on an entire night in Gibraltar because they were stuck at a random train station in the Spanish countryside. Mike and I had a wonderful road trip and spent a magical night in an Airbnb in Cartagena on the way. Their train tickets cost more than half of the rental car. We initially agreed to get a really fancy Airbnb in Gibraltar with a hot tub and all that stuff. Split four ways, we could get something really nice. Well, Anne decided she wanted a "real hotel" and pulled out of the Airbnb plan. I found a gorgeous little one-bedroom place for us, with a hot tub and a view of the sea. Di and Anne "forgot" to book a real hotel and ended up in a freaking awful place by the port, like a place for merchant sailors to crash while they're in port. It was on a busy roundabout opposite Burger King. There was no bath, no balcony, and it was basic AF. It was more expensive than our lovely place. They got no sleep because of the drunk sailors and traffic noise. They didn't even get any towels provided. The night before the wedding, we met for dinner. They'd barely been in Gibraltar for two hours, whereas we'd been relaxing since the day before. At dinner, things were tense, but Di was really trying. At some point, she signaled to the restaurant host, and the lady came over with a super fancy VIP bucket with champagne on ice. She popped the cork and gave it to Di, who handed it to Anne, saying, "just like the one I gave you in New York, baby." It was clearly supposed to be a romantic moment. Anne refused the cork, and we all smiled nervously to try and smooth things over. The host poured two glasses of the champagne and gave the glasses to Di and Anne. Anne took a sip and immediately spat it out, announcing loudly, "it's corked!" We all tried the champagne and told her it was delicious (Mike and I don't really drink, but we know what champagne tastes like). Anne insisted the champagne was corked and loudly announced they wouldn't be paying for it. The host was pissed, and I understood why when she told us it was a £750 bottle. She threatened to call the police, so Di sheepishly paid for it. Anne sulked the rest of the night. I was so embarrassed, and our whole evening was spoiled. When we got back to our Airbnb to take a bubble bath and eat Jaffa cakes, I told Mike there was no way I was going to allow them to ruin another minute of our trip, but if they wanted to ruin theirs, that wasn't my problem. The actual weddings went off okay, apart from the fact they were still drunk from the night before. The registry office was nice, and I married the man of my dreams. Afterwards, we bought them brunch (to soak up the booze) and faithfully walked them around the park, taking lovely photos of them. Di had her finger over the lens of every picture she took of us. When we were done, they suggested we all go to the pub and get wasted, as if. We dropped them off at the pub and went our separate ways. I was honest and just told them, "I want to be alone with my husband." They couldn't really argue with that. The wedding dinner. Mike, Di, and I all had fairly casual preferences for a restaurant for the wedding dinner, but Anne insisted on a fine dining fish restaurant that didn't even serve dessert. I outright refused (I don't eat fish at all), and Anne was insisting on the fish restaurant, so we decided not to meet up. Anne also tried to convince us to chip in £200 for a custom wedding cake to get delivered to the restaurant, but we said hell no. Mike and I went to the best steakhouse in Gibraltar; I had a 1.2-kilo steak and an amazing cheesecake for dessert. We had a lovely time and the wait staff went out if their way to spoil us. Around 8 pm, they messaged us, "whr r u?" and we ignored the message. As it turned out, Anne forgot to make reservations, and the fish restaurant was fully booked, but they couldn't leave and go somewhere else, because they had to wait for the cake to be delivered. They ended up taking the cake back to their shitty hotel and eating it with their credit cards because they didn't even have cutlery and plates in their room. They got hammered that night on supermarket vodka. Mike and I had the perfect evening. We got a taxi home, smoked weed on our balcony, watched the stars, and kissed for hours. The next day, Mike and I set out for a day of hiking in the UNESCO World Heritage Site national park. It was the best day ever! Mike got robbed and bitten by a monkey, which was fucking hilarious. We ate a full English breakfast in the sky restaurant and explored Saint Michael's Cave. Unforgettable memories were made Di and Anne fought, decided it was Gibraltar's fault, and spontaneously decided to leave. They booked a beach resort up the coast somewhere in Spain and headed on foot to the train station. The trains were all messed up, they got stranded somewhere in Spain with all their luggage, and it took them 14 hours to get to the resort. They arrived at 11 pm and were checking out the next morning! Mike and I spent a few more nights enjoying our honeymoon and then road tripped home. We stayed in the same little place in Cartagena on the way back, and the hosts threw us a little surprise party! It was magical. Di and Anne got stranded again on the way home, lost half their luggage, and caught COVID. Tl;Dr: Our friends ruined their wedding but not ours. submitted by /u/Uk840 to r/EntitledPeople [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Other_Salt3889 My wife is addicted to the gym and it’s ruining our marriage Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest & r/survivinginfidelity BoRU 1 BoRU 2 BoRU 3 BoRU 4 Editor's Note: Due to the updates being large, detailed tldr's have been made to the forst 7 posts to give a summary of them. If you would like the full posts, please see the previous BoRU Thank you to the amazing u/JebWynch for the tldr's Thanks to u/Small-Bodybuilder160 for letting me know this updated TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity, physical violence, anger management issues Original Post Feb 1, 2024 OP’s Wife (30f) has always been fit but has been increasingly passionate about working out over the last 1.5 years, returning to a gym she had previously left due to her busy schedule. the gym slowly started taking over her schedule- both weekend days, and every weekday pre- and post-work. going to the gym becomes the solution for any stress, fights, crisis- everything is Gym to the point where if Wife misses a “session” it affects her mood negatively, as OP says, “like a junkie not getting her fix”. As Wife is now 4mo pregnant, OP expresses concern over the intensity of her workouts and also that he simply misses her, given all her time is now taken up by Gym. they can’t workout together, because Gym is “her time”. She won’t work out at his gym, either. Gym becomes a form of escapism from real life, a compulsion, essentially- and no problems Wife is running away from ever really get solved because Gym is simply not the solution Wife seems to think it is. Gym has become so prevalent that family members, friends start making comments on how much time Wife and Gym spend together. Update Feb 11, 2024 OP shares that he had originally laughed over comments on his post that speculated about infidelity, but quickly came to discover they were correct. Wife has been sleeping with Guy From Gym, who she had mentioned to OP countless times as a “gym friend”. There is confrontation- OP breaks Wife’s phone, Wife hits OP. OP leaves for a short period of time and returns to Wife, who, though remorseful, will not admit to exactly what infidelities she’s committed. Update 1 ends with OP feeling guilt for his rage, left with 0 answers as to exactly what’s going on with Wife. Update 2 - My wife admitted to an affair Feb 12, 2024 aaaaaaaand Wife admits to an affair. She “felt bad” about it, but not bad enough to not sleep with Guy From Gym pretty quickly. She might even be in love with him, she doesn’t know (or won’t say). And oh, there’s a chance the child she’s currently pregnant with might not be OP’s. She’ll get a paternity test though! Stellar work, Wife. My wife is moving in with her AP, they’re “in love” Feb 22, 2024 Guy From Gym and Wife (who will still be referred to as Wife….. for now……) are moving in together. She’s not getting the paternity test. OP expresses sadness for her- that she just cant be alone, or seem to work through her mess on her own. Wife had been with OP since she was 20, and OP theorizes she is codependent. Guy From Gym allegedly doesn’t care if the baby isn’t his, he’s happy to play house with OP’s Wife. My wife has agreed to a paternity test Feb 29, 2024 Shocker, Guy From Gym wants a paternity test so a paternity test they will get! In follow up comments, OP reveals the results say he is in fact the father. And update on my wife’s affair and pregnancy March 15, 2024 OP is now conflicted. He has gone from excited to be a father, to not being sure he’s going to be a father at all, to now knowing he will be the father of a child born into the disaster that Wife has created. There is a small but non physical confrontation between OP and Guy From Gym when Wife brings him to OP’s house to gather things she needs, and OP tells Guy From Gym to leave or he’s gonna punch him. OP and Wife have private words upstairs, Wife is just sooooo in love with Guy From Gym, she can’t help it! Predictably, confrontation becomes physical when OP returns to his living room to see Guy From Gym still standing there despite the warning, and so OP follows through and cold clocks him. Update 5 closes with OP and Wife still legally married, but Wife dedicated to living with and loving Guy From Gym. Another installment of the implosion which is my marriage Apr 10, 2024 OP’s Wife(?) is still pergananté, 26 weeks. OP and Wife have agreed that he will be the one in the delivery room when the baby is born, and Guy From Gym will not be present. Guy from Gym has a big problem with this, of course, because having an affair with and housing another man’s pregnant wife simply would not be enough. OP prepares to sell the marital house and split the profit. He gets to keep their dog, thank god. Wife’s sister shares with OP that Wife is already complaining about Guy From Gym, that he’s selfish, hangs out away from home too much, etc……birds of a feather and whatnot. OP ends the update expressing that he is at least happy his (Soon-To-Be-Ex) Wife is miserable. I’m still alive May 19, 2024 I’m still alive. I’m mainly posting here because several people have reached out to me and were concerned that I’d taken my own life. No, I’m not on the brink of ending my life. I think I’m doing better than I have since all of this started. Around the time of my last post, my story blew up and I was getting messages from people who saw it on TikTok and YouTube. I had to take a step back because it was a little overwhelming. I have over 100 unread messages here. I appreciate it but it was a little uncomfortable at the time, and I got to the point where I didn’t really want to talk about the situation with my wife and her AP anymore. So as of today, our baby is due in less than 10 weeks. We’re in the home stretch now. I don’t feel prepared at all. All of this other stuff has just been so distracting. I started working on a nursery. It’s not done yet, but I have the floor finished and the walls painted. My ex-wife was impressed with the color scheme and furniture I chose. She’s not legally my ex-wife yet but I’ve started calling her that. It sort of makes it easier. I also packed up a bunch of her stuff. Originally I refused to spend my time packing up her things, but eventually just said screw it and started packing it. I’m at the point where it’ll just be easier to not see all of her stuff around here. Why did I leave it for so long? She came over to get some of the boxes I packed up. She came alone. Things were fine between us. I loaded the stuff into her car. We didn’t argue. At one point she started to tear up and said she fucked up. I said yeah she did, but there’s no point talking about it now. She shit all over our marriage. She has her muscle bound asshole to go home to now anyway so who cares. She said “I know, but it’s not the same.” I told her nothing has been the same since she decided to fuck him the first time. Supposedly he’s going to “let” me be in the delivery room when my baby is born. I didn’t even argue it when she said it like that, but inside I was boiling at the idea of him letting me be there for the birth of my child. She says she talked to him and he agreed it wouldn’t really be right to not allow me to be there. I’m going to take what I can get if it means being there for the birth of my child. I’m going to try to just ignore him for the time being. She was acting all sweet and laying on all of the “I really want you there. I really need you there” stuff and I know mentally I’m not in a place to be that cold to her when she starts acting that way. I’m trying to be indifferent more than anything else but it’s so hard when she’s actually around and starts looking at me a certain way and making me feel bad. She invited me over to see the nursery they have set up at his house. I’m not sure I can bring myself to go into another man’s house and look at the nursery set up for my kid. I did ask her if she was truly safe there though. I don’t know why, it’s just been bothering me. As pissed as I still am, I don’t want to find out he’s mistreating her and I definitely don’t want my kid to be going into an unsafe household. I haven’t told her about anything her sister has told me. They probably won’t last but as of right now there’s a very good chance my newborn baby will be going home to his house. It kills me to think about. It’s almost soul destroying to think about if I dwell on it too long. She says she’s fine. He genuinely loves her. He’s great with kids. He accepts that she’s having a baby and that this is part of the package. She insists it’s not weird because she wasn’t pregnant when anything started between them. I asked her why she did it…why did she ever let anything start between them in the first place. She said “I don’t know.” Then went into “I don’t want to talk about this” mode and left pretty soon after. Typical behavior from her - just run away. Overall I’m doing ok. I’m not sitting here depressed and drinking a bottle of scotch every night anymore. I mean on occasion, but for the most part no. I feel more used to my new normal now, and that’ll all change yet again pretty soon. ADDITIONAL INFO There is a draft of a custody plan now, but the court won’t approve anything until after the baby is born. Right now she’s in agreement but there’s plenty of time for her to change her mind (or for him to convince her to change her mind). She plans to breastfeed, but with agreement that she’ll pump and the baby can drink from a bottle when not with mom. Everything I’ve read says a baby ideally needs to spend time with each parent frequently, without gaps that are too long in between, and it’s best if each parent is feeding, changing, bathing, etc. during their time. At this time she’s in agreement with all of this. I can say that she’s not said or done anything to indicate she wants to restrict my time with the baby, other than the whole delivery room thing. She seems to want me to be involved in that respect. I hope she sticks to her word. If not, I will be fighting it through legal means. I’m a dad July 2, 2024 I have a baby. A little girl. I’m a dad. She was born yesterday at 11:57 pm, 2 weeks early. As he’s done before, she was having some pains off and on and he left for work yesterday morning. She works from home on Mondays. She told me around 8:30 am she was having contractions 17 minutes apart. The same thing happened not long ago but then by evening all the pains stopped. I was at work so I told her to keep me posted. A little later she said they were 15 minutes apart and she had some other signs it might be actual labor starting. I asked her if she needed somebody there with her. She said wanted me to come be with her. I didn’t even mean to volunteer myself. She was scared. I didn’t even ask why she didn’t call him. I left work and went over to his house. Uncomfortable doesn’t begin to describe it but there were obviously more important things going on. He wasn’t there. She didn’t even contact him. She said she just wanted it to be me and her there. In her words, he hadn’t seen her pee or shit herself yet but I’ve witnessed all of that stuff already so she was more comfortable with me there. I really tried to be as nice and supportive as possible. Set the whole thing about her affair, our marriage, everything to the side for a brief time. I don’t really know what my purpose was being there but I think she just needed somebody there so she didn’t feel alone. She spent most of the time stretching and doing some sort of yoga labor routine and bouncing on this huge exercise ball. I twiddled my thumbs for the most part and looked through a bunch of his belongings. I was timing the contractions and they were consistent and slowly did get closer together, so I thought it was probably actually going to happen. It wasn’t nearly far enough along to go to the hospital yet and it was getting close to when he’d get home. I was planning how I’d handle that when she called me into the bathroom to ask her if I thought her water broke. It wasn’t like in the movies with this huge gush of water. So he got home and I was there. He came into the house and the first thing he asked is “what are you doing here?!” I think he thought something else was going on. No, you just left and went to work and left her alone when she was scared. He said he was home and he’d be with her until it was time to go to the hospital. He put his hand on my shoulder and said something like “thanks, bud…I got it from here and we’ll call you when we’re on the way to the hospital.” He called me bud. I told him I wasn’t his fucking buddy and to fuck off. I could tell she wanted me to leave. I’m not sure she really wanted me to leave so much as she was in labor and the tension between the two of us wasn’t what she needed and I knew that. It was his house so what was I supposed to do? I left and prayed they’d actually call me instead of letting me know the next day that my kid had been born. She texted me a few hours later to say the doctor told her to go to the hospital. At that point I still didn’t know if I was going to be waiting outside or what he’d decide was best for his apparent wife and child. I was allowed to be in the room. I didn’t force my way in there. She said she wanted me to be there. He was there too. By far the single most awkward experience of my life and the only reason I was able to excuse it was because she told me she wanted me there and I didn’t want to miss the chance to be there when my kid was born and to hold my kid before he did. I can’t imagine what the doctors and nurses were thinking. Fucking humiliating. Then the guy tried to police what I could see. I put the baby in there! He’s fucking watching and it’s like this is still my wife and that’s my baby. I chose to stay dignified and I ignored him the entire time. I was there to do whatever she told me to do and my focus wasn’t on him, but in any other setting I don’t think I would have been able to hold back. The baby came flying out. I mean, as far as labor goes. These are the nurses’ words and I trust labor and delivery nurses to know what they’re talking about. She tore very bad because the baby came out so fast. The baby is so tiny, barely 6 pounds and only 18 inches, but perfectly healthy. I went home for a short rest although I really couldn’t rest at all. I went back today and of course he was there. Surprisingly he said he was going to give us some time alone with the baby. Not sure if she had previously asked him to do that when I showed up or not, didn’t ask. He even brought us all food back when he returned a few hours later. I wondered if mine might be poisoned but I tried to be nice. He’s still not gone so I’m wondering how long he’ll be around. I just can’t let myself do anything that will make her try to keep me away from my daughter now. I don’t want them making it difficult for me. I’d prefer not to share her name publicly but I can confirm it’s the name we chose for a daughter years ago. He had no say and he hasn’t said anything about the name at all. It kills me to see him holding her though. I eventually left because it was just too much sitting there pretending to be like some bizarre three’s company. I’ll know I will get my time with her when he’s not around. He’s already posting them on his social media. I don’t know how I’m going to do this but I’m going to figure it out. I just have to find a way to be the bigger person because I won’t let him or their relationship discourage me from being my daughter’s dad. I totally get doing anything for your kids now and if it means having to pretend to get along with him, I will RELEVANT/ADDITIONAL COMMENTS FROM OOP It’s not about pick me. I just have a hard time not caring about her anymore. The fact that she was carrying my child made it a lot more difficult. Otherwise, I could have and would have cut all ties with her. I don’t know, still feel the need to protect her or help her. Hopefully it’ll get easier now that she and the baby are two separate people. Honestly, I’m considering doing something pretty stupid. She’s getting discharged from the hospital early tomorrow morning. I don’t want them to go home with him, so thinking about asking her to come home to our house instead. It’s ridiculous and setting us up for disaster. It wouldn’t be to be with her. I don’t want my newborn baby going home to another man’s house. I don’t think it’s for the baby’s sake that I want to stop it. It’s be for my sake. But it’s not like we’d be divorced and living together forever. So, we’d live together for some period of time but eventually we’d go our separate ways, date other people, and so on. I can’t trust her again. That would probably be worse for our kid in the long run. At least by being in 2 separate homes in the first place this will just be the norm for her and she won’t have to go through that heartache of being one family splitting into 2. I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to handle seeing my child going home from the hospital to his house. I’m honestly scared to be present when they’re discharged because I’m not sure I can control myself. ~ I caved and I asked her to come home with me when they was discharged from the hospital. I framed it more like “if you don’t want to go home with him, you don’t have to.” I let her know she could come home to our house if she wanted to. She said she can’t. Why? Because he’s done so much for her. He moved her into his house. They have a whole nursery set up. He loves her. I don’t love her anymore after what she did (her words), but he loves her and accepts her even with the baby. She thinks she’ll never find anyone who will love her and love our baby too so she can’t risk losing him. I tried to tell her she doesn’t owe him anything. Just because he let her move in and there’s a nursery there doesn’t mean she’s indebted to him, especially not when it comes to something this big. She said “I want to, but I just can’t. I’m sorry.” I left. I told her I couldn’t sit there and watch the get into his car and go to his house. As a consolation I got a “you can come over and see her tomorrow.” Great. I know she did this. This is all her doing. But why am I the one feeling like I failed. This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t immediately shut her out. I basically just pushed her to him. OOP on the AP posting pictures of the baby online Today I told him he can’t post pictures of her online. He said he was just posting a few pictures to say how proud and happy he was of MY wife, wasn’t weird. I said he can post her all he wants but he can’t post the baby. He didn’t seem to be taking it seriously so I told him I know he wishes he’d won this one, but he didn’t. She’s my kid, not his. If he’s genuine about being all buddy buddy and respecting me as the actual father, he’ll respect my request. He said ok, he understood. We’ll see. NEW UPDATES Life update July 24, 2024 Many people have asked for an update on my situation, but I’ve been pretty busy. There’s the baby, plus a week of completely unrelated but neverending annoying problems. Remember that book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day? Thats the week I’ve been having, but I’m not even going to get into it beyond saying I can’t even stay at my own house right now due to a giant hole in the wall. I’ve been dealing with insurance and contractors all day, and they hit a water pipe. I’m still on paternity leave and continue to regularly spend time with my daughter. We have a set schedule for when my daughter comes to stay with me, so I’ve been spending less time over at his house. Sometimes my wife needs help during the day though, or just to be able to take a shower or a nap, so I will stop over to help her. Really, I just want to take advantage of any opportunity I can to spend time with her my baby and bond with her. Plus, breastfeeding isn’t working out very well. She’s still not producing enough milk and I know she’s upset about it but it sort of makes things easier for me. At least she has help when the baby is with her (supposedly he helps, gets up at night, etc.) I’m on my own, and I won’t lie and say it’s a walk in the park, but I think I’m getting the hang of it. The other day she called me and asked me to come over. She said she was on the verge of a mental breakdown. I’ve heard that line from her many times, when she was cheated on me without my knowledge, and it was usually mostly related to her job. I got over there and she was saying she can’t handle being a mom, she can’t handle life, she can’t function. She was crying. This time she couldn’t run off the the gym. She would if she could but she’s not really allowed to exercise yet. She won’t talk to anyone, won’t seek professional help. Some days she seems much better than others. She’s just an easily overwhelmed person. Everything overwhelms her. Sometimes we have, dare I say, a good time together. The most she can really go as far as physical activity right now is walk. We took the baby in her longest walk yet and walked from his house to my house. Everything was fine in the walk. She was in a good mood. We were joking around. Then she turned really sad after being at my house/our former shared house after a little while. She finally admitted that this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, raising our daughter between 2 homes. She said my home is our daughter’s real home and she’s only supposed to have one home. Then she started sobbing about not having a home anymore. My house isn’t her home and her boyfriend gumbro’s house isn’t her home and she’s essentially homeless and doesn’t belong anywhere. She admitted she fucked up really badly and she doesn’t want to share custody or to only see her daughter half the time. She “just wants to come home” but she loves “him” and she thinks he loves her and our daughter and she doesn’t want to hurt him after he’s done “all this” for her. I said so what? What she wants for her kid should be more important than his feelings. If he can’t get over the fact that the married, pregnant woman who he was sleeping with wants her kid to grow up in a single home with her actual father, he can fuck off. He can fuck off anyway. If she can’t tell him and wants me to tell him, I will. She doesn’t think she can tell him. I told her this is her biggest issue - communication and honesty. Just tell people the truth and stop being a pussy about ever telling anyone the truth about how you really feel. Thing is, I’ve been tolerating him lately. Don’t like him, but tolerate him. I’m not hanging out with him. Ever. I know it sounds crazy coming from me, but I think he’s genuinely in this. Still shouldn’t have been fucking my wife. Doesn’t absolve him of any of his involvement. He’s back to being cloyingly nice to me. Suggesting we hang out, try to be friends. He’s so fucking happy all the time. It’s a little unsettling but I think he’s just one of those people and maybe that’s what she likes about him. I’m not one of those people, never will be. So anyway, she and I sort of got into an argument - started as a discussion, turned into an argument, then morphed back to a discussion…all about everything we don’t like about each other and our relationship. In the end, we were both able to say what we need from the other person. Shes just too overwhelmed right now and can’t make any changes. She can’t handle trying to change right now. It gives her too much anxiety. So, I don’t know. We’re sort of at an impasse right now. Then this stuff with the house, I’ve just been extra stressed and not really all that pleasant to deal with. My wife has “moved home” for now July 28, 2024 This month continues to be the strangest I’ve ever experienced. The repairs to my house were made and I’m back home thankfully. I can only take a few night under my parents’ roof. I slept with somebody else. We went out on a date. I think we both just wanted to have sex to say we’d finally gotten over our former spouses. Shes the ex-wife of a friend of mine. She and I are actually closer/better friends now than her ex-husband and I. Several people have suggested that we start dating each other. We get along great and we are on the surface a really good match, but it was too fucking weird for both of us. She’s very attractive, very social and fun to be around, and has been incredibly kind to me during this whole ordeal, but I can’t see her as more than a friend. I had been intentionally avoiding sleeping with anyone else. I hadn’t been with anyone since the last time I slept with my wife. That feels like an eternity ago. For the longest time I wasn’t interested in being with other women. Then, it sort of morphed into my way of feeling morally superior to her. I was going to hold out and not pursue anything until after we were divorced. It’s pretty pointless and childish. Just a dumb way to make myself feel better and to be able to say I never cheated. I still don’t feel like I cheated - there is no marriage anymore. Within hours of this happening, I started getting texts from my wife saying she decided she wants to come home. It’s like she had some sort of with sense. She was saying she was ready, would I come help her. I called her and told her I don’t want her to come home and to be in a relationship again. She doesn’t get to just decide that’s what’s going to happen. She then started to say “oh I know, I just meant move back in.” I told her I didn’t really believe her and felt like she was just jerking me around again. She said she thought our conversation the other day had gone so well and that she thought we seem to be at a place where we could really work on fixing everything, but until then she could live in another room. She said she was completely serious about it and she wants our daughter to be in one home. I feel so mixed about everything, but ultimately I want my daughter living in my house 24/7 and I don’t want another man helping to raise her, so I took the bait. Today I showed up at his house to help her move some things, but I anticipated I’d get there and she’d either have changed her mind or she wouldn’t have been planning to leave at all and was only waiting to see me do some more tricks for her. They were arguing when I got there. The baby was crying, she was crying and running around packing things in bags, and he was following behind her begging her to stay, offering to do anything to make her stay. He accused me of this being my idea. Maybe it was, idk. I don’t really care what he thinks. It was obvious she had just sprung this news on him shortly before I got there. She was telling her over and over that she just wants her child raised in one home and that his home wasn’t really their home and she was sorry she was doing this to him after everything he’d done but she just has to give our daughter one home with her real father. We got back over to my house and she’s obviously an emotional mess. I have no room prepared for her. Not 15 minutes later he shows up at the front door. She didn’t want to talk to him. He wouldn’t give up and eventually he was there on the front porch loudly saying things like “that’s not what you were saying when you were blowing me last night!” So at that point, after I’m sure our neighbors had been enjoying this embarrassing scene long enough, I told him if he didn’t leave I’d call the cops. I went out there and tried to calm him down, I mean, I had to sympathize with him…she runs away, that’s what she does. I may have said a few other things in my own favor and to make him realize he doesn’t want to be involved in this mess that is my wife. I don’t think he’ll give up so easily. It sounds terrible, but once she was at my house I sort of found myself wishing she’d leave with him. I know I’d had wanted her to come home, and I tell myself it was mostly due to the baby, but now I’m wondering what the hell I’ve gotten myself into. She said “I didn’t really blow him last night. I haven’t done anything with him since she was born. I’ve only been thinking about you.” I told her yeah right, you expect me to believe it? Even if it’s true, what on earth makes you think I’d ever believe anything that you say? Then out of spite I told her I slept with somebody else. I know I only told her to hurt her, and I feel bad about it now. She immediately demanded to know who. I told her it wasn’t her business. She claims it is her business because we’re still married. Nope, I’m not sharing. So, now we’re awkwardly existing. I don’t have much faith that she’s going to stay here. I think she’ll be back at his place within the week. I’ve told her that he’s not allowed over here. He has no business being here. And if we’re raising our daughter in the same house, together, then she can’t just run off to his house to be with him whenever she feels like it - it won’t work that way. She says she knows, and she wants me to want to be with her again and she’ll prove to me she can be a good partner. She tried to kiss me and I rejected her. She’s upset. She’s taking a nap now. I feel like I’ve dug myself into a very deep hole now. RELEVANT COMMENTS Smoke-Thin-Mints Brother you better get her out of that house and fast oml OOP I was really doing a good job of tolerating the guy since they came home from the hospital. I don’t like him and never will like him, but I don’t believe he had any nefarious intentions with my daughter. However, my heart broke every time I had to leave my little girl over there at another man’s house. Or when I’d go over there to pick her up and he greet me at the door holding my baby, talking to her like he was her dad! No, that’s one of the lowest feelings in the world. So, for these reasons I’m happy to have them here. I just don’t know how this can or will work with her mother living here. ~ dcphoto78 Is this really the environment you want your child to grow up in? OOP No, not at all. But I also don’t want her growing up in another man’s home. What I’m worried about is my wife dragging her back and forth - I’ve told her she can’t do that, it’s not fair to me or our child. ~ Purple_Bishop2 If you really don’t want your daughter being raised half-time by AP, your only real option is to truly attempt to reconcile, but it’s pretty clear neither of you really want to reconcile with each other - it’s just that neither of you want to be apart from your daughter. If she is going to live with you for even a couple of days you need to have some tenderness in your heart for her and be willing to lovingly interact with her and your daughter. Your WW is postpartum and an emotional wreck so if you gray rock or get angry shit will go south fast in a way that won’t be good for your daughter. All other paths lead to 50/50 custody and acceptance of AP having a role in your daughter’s life. Be civil (not friendly, civil) to AP as you say your WW loves him and will likely go back to him soon. If you and AP are at war it will be terrible for your daughter. OOP I’m going to be nice. We sat on the porch while it was storming outside tonight and she was talking to the baby and said “This is how it should be, [daughter’s name], mommy, and daddy.” Several rude comments immediately popped into my brain but I kept them to myself I figure I might as well enjoy it while I can. Well, enjoy having my daughter her and maybe pretending we’re a normal family for an hour. I’m not actually enjoying having my wife here right now. It’s not making me feel good. I didn’t mind when she was here the other day when we took a walk and came over here but today I’m really not enjoying her being here. I’m going to keep that to myself. OOP Has made a new post after the BoRU Another update from this spineless pussy Aug 5, 2024 I don’t really have an update, but I’m mainly making this post because I’ve received a ton of comments on my previous post and it’s gotten too big to really follow anymore. When I get a notification that somebody has responded to my post or comment, I click on it and it should take me directly to the person’s comment, but it doesn’t. So I have to scroll through all of the comments to find the one I want to respond to. I don’t have time to scroll through 800 comments. I don’t respond to some comments by choice. I get it, many people think I’m a doormat and need to grow a spine. What can I really say? We can trade places and you can tell me how easy it is to navigate this and then we’ll talk. I did plan to divorce her. The papers are ready. I admit that I have stalled in having her served. I can’t put into words why. The lawyer wanted to do it back in July 29 and I told him I needed more time. I’m kind of embarrassed by my hesitation. But this is my life and it’s very easy for completely uninvolved bystanders to advocate for divorce and all sorts of unrealistic things like getting sole custody of my daughter. If I needed to take on sole custody, you bet I would. My wife isn’t crazy. I get that you all have a very bad perception of her. I’ve created that perception. Well, I didn’t create that image - I’ve simply shared the truth about her actions, so she’s created that image. That’s all anyone reading my posts knows about her, nothing good. She does have some good qualities, and believe me, I didn’t want to let myself remember or acknowledge any of them for a long time. She’s don’t horrible things, hurtful things, incredibly selfish things. She is an emotional person. She’s a highly stressed, anxious person who tends to live on by the whims of her emotions. I’m not saying it’s not tiring and frustrating at times or even most of the time, but I’m telling you that she’s not crazy. She’s not an immediate danger to the safety of our baby. She’s not doing anything that’s going to make a court give me full custody. Do I think she’s in the best possible place to raise a whole human being? No. I mean, either am I, but she has a lot of work to do and I know that. We weren’t planning to have a baby when she got pregnant. I would not have purposely conceived a baby at that time because she was sort of already a mess prior to finding out she was pregnant. But there’s a difference between that and being legitimately unstable to the point of not being able to tend to the basic needs of her child. She’s doing that. She actually seems less of a mess and less anxious than she was a year ago this time, when she was having her weekly meltdowns. She also owns our home along with me. Sure, I’ve always paid the mortgage, but the courts don’t really care who’s been paying the mortgage when the house is in both of our names. I can’t just kick her out. We had planned to sell the house and split the proceeds. Honestly, it seemed like the easiest and quickest solution. Houses are selling very fast around here and we’d make a profit. It stings to have to split the profits but it wasn’t a hill I wanted to die on. I think it’s ultimately best for my child to have her mother involved in her life and to develop a bond with her mom, regardless of where her mom ends up living or what the relationship between the two of us is like. I also think the safety and wellbeing of my child’s mother is important for my child. She needs a place to live. I’ll admit that I’ve enjoyed some of the moments of normalcy we’ve had. It’s ok if you want to say I’m rugsweeping. I’m just so fucking tired. I’m tired of being angry, tired of being sad, tired of all the drama. So to have a few days days where life feels like it used to when my life was much less complicated, and to just sit around doing mundane things together without necessarily thinking about this big master plan, divorce, reconciliation, custody, etc. feels sort of good. I feel like I can catch my breath for a second. If you want to call me spineless because I’m enjoying finally having those moments that I always dreamed we’d have together with our first child, so be it. There are still moments in feel annoyed. I kind of liked living in my own. I got used to it, or I thought I had. Sometimes it feels like she’s invading my space, but I’m handling it the best that I can. There are still things I love about her. There are some things I now hate about her. I hate things that she did. I guess I love who she used to be, but sometimes she shows glimpses of that person and I miss her. I admit that I really do miss that person I fell in love with. We’ve been together since I was 22, she was 20. Most of our adult lives. We moved in together after only a few months. We’ve experienced most adult things together, good and bad. We lived in a few shit hole apartments together, moved across the country together, bought and sold and then bought a house together, travelled to many places and had great adventures and made some good memories, survived COVID and the horrible DIY haircuts we gave each other, weathered job losses, car accidents, health scares, had some horrible fights, had some great make up sex, dealt with a few pregnancy scares, basically grew up together. Well, she didn’t grow up. She has a very hard time adulting. We used to be like best friends, always together. She still has a hold on me in some ways and what’s the use in trying to deny it? THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]