Chair Exercises

... worth getting a recliner chair or a special chair to sit/sleep..., getting around the house, showering, exercises, swelling, etc. Any advice or...

...… — Kaveri Times Navy commences large-scale exercises all across orbit May 6th... during the last three Delft exercises, amateur military analysts claiming to... Velir fell heavily into his chair. Surely this was Cole's Fleet... flow of posts onscreen. His chair slid further away from the...

... upper thigh aches. No clamshell exercises lying in that side! Knees.... I pushed it against the chair and scooted over for the ... could have used the bath chair…it folds and has rollers...

... upper thigh aches. No clamshell exercises lying in that side! Knees.... I pushed it against the chair and scooted over for the ... could have used the bath chair…it folds and has rollers...

... upper thigh aches. No clamshell exercises lying in that side! Knees.... I pushed it against the chair and scooted over for the ... could have used the bath chair…it folds and has rollers... or being stuck in a chair at home with things to ...

... dragging the mandatory hospital cuck chair near the bed for her... to do some compound freeweight exercises and bring you to the...

Go to YouTube, and type in Caroline Jordan Chair Exercises. She has many programs, and you do them right along with her. If you don't like one? No big deal--just try another.

... 36w: RRLT, dates, yoga ball exercises, EPO vaginal/ every night, nightly... left a puddle on the chair. The hospital confirmed I was ...

... their limits. The occasional live-fire exercises and practicing mêlée with shields...into the linear seat. The chair swayed gently from his fall, ... helmet and reclined in her chair. "No good, huh?" Elyssia ... he leaned back in the chair and looked straight at her .... Lawrence sat in the captain's chair, hands steepled. The monitors showed ... fleet. Lawrence reclined in his chair. They've done it. He was ...

... the morning. Have my physio exercises and chair yoga for seniors. I like... the physio and yoga exercises. Being a...

Some bodyweight exercises you might try if you ... use the back of a chair for support if needed -sit-to-stand: ... a seated position in a chair to standing, repeat! -calf raises ...use a chair to support your balance, you ...

... rise up out of a chair there's a good chance that .... I went through the Kengal exercises for several months and I ...

...The guards stand behind the chair. The sergeant glances over his ...status quo ante. Likewise, ComStar exercises no sovereignty beyond Terra and ...desperate, cracking, shaking in his chair against Bergman's grip. — I didn't ... he shifts in the chair, regaining his composure and speaks, ... him back into the chair. Max shakes his fists. — Starkov! ... Max tries to stand, the chair scrapes. — You are blind! He… ...

... walk through it from Vale's chair. First the $10B figure Real... can model. Sequence is Vale exercises the 25% buyout at DTM...

There are chair based exercises that can help seniors regain ...

... gonna Tracy me a few chair yoga exercises I can do for...

..., yawned, and slid off the chair, making a show of groaning ... with a couple of typical exercises straight from my first life's...

... and begin doing some breathing exercises. Breathe in...1, 2, 3...." I would grab my computer chair and roll it over to...

my sister attends a church group where they do chair exercises (followed by tea & toast!)

... those proceedings were effectively sanction exercises from the start considering only... independent members appointed by the Chair of the Judicial Panel, with ...the Chair of the Board likely being .... Hon. Sir Gary Hickinbottom (current Chair of the Judicial Panel), The ...

... Mace pointed at the chair opposite him with the hand...the indicated seat. The chair was well-cushioned, far finer than... Settling back in his chair, Galad began. He told it... settled back in his chair with the cup and seemed..., excellent." Rising from his chair with a groan of satisfaction, ... Settling back in his chair, Galad let the names wash... train for that? What exercises build that kind of speed?" ...

... News Circle Joint Council Military Exercises Underway With the dangerous state... [Redacted] (Asari Republics) To: [Redacted] Chair of [Redacted] Industries (Turian Hierarchy...

... myself into the uncomfortable metal chair opposite to him. "Legend," I... gradual decline in cross-team training exercises, especially for Wards, as well...

... myself into the uncomfortable metal chair opposite to him. "Legend," I... gradual decline in cross-team training exercises, especially for Wards, as well...

... rotator cup myself. Used the exercises in this book starting with ... have to use the recommended exercises twice a day. Donated the... the weight machine, treadmill, Roman Chair, free weights. Fixed the shoulder...

submitted by /u/Jessi_Kim_XOXO to r/functionalprint [link] [comments]

I actually would quite like to have a family. (Notice I said family. Not baby) Context I’m 34f and a fencesitter but leaning towards childfree most my life. I was literally 5 when I told my mom I didn’t want kids.. I get tiny little snippets of wanting children- mostly when I’m in relationships with men and seeing life with rose colored glasses. After those come off (and they always do) I’m like wtf was I thinking? I thank Glob I don’t have to co-parent with any of my now exes bc I don’t even think I could stand to look at any of those fckers much less coordinate holidays and baseball practice or back to school supplies or whatever the fuck together. Like honestly. Anyway back to the chair exercise. You imagine a dialogue between the part of you that wants to be childfree and the part of you that wants to be a parent sitting across from each other. And during this I realized- if I could actually trust a man / relationships / marriages, I’d love to have a family. But too many things can go wrong. I’ve watched my mom raise two kids alone and honestly can’t name one single healthy marriage that was ever modeled to me growing up and that’s just not the life I want... I know it’s a worst case scenario but it’s always been my biggest fucking fear and imagining it immediately brings tears to my eyes. And then I feel so sad for all the sacrifices my mother had to make for us and I know I am not strong enough to make those same sacrifices. Plus at 34 with a string of failed relationships and with the increasing influence of the manosphere / red pill bullshit / back tracking on women’s rights, I’m really just starting to think the odds are stacked against me and might as well plan for a life without all this… Anyone else had the same fears? What did you end up choosing? submitted by /u/LaLobaLuna to r/Fencesitter [link] [comments]

So yeah, this was a fun little exercise in free will. Printed in matte PLA on a bambu P1S, no AMS required. I made a prototype years back but got bogged down at the sanding and painting stage (though it makes a fine clothes-chair). Really glad it's finally done and pretty happy with how it turned out! submitted by /u/_SirFranku to r/AnimalCrossing [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Enough-Pitch-4617 Originally posted to r/LegalAdviceUK Facing disciplinary investigation / sack for automating most of my responsibilities at work. I'm in England. Thanks to u/boringhistoryfan for suggesting this BoRU Original Post: February 14, 2026 TLDR: Automated most of my responsibilities at work, now under investigation for breach of duty of fidelity, misconduct and potential fraud and dishonesty as this is deceptive. I have been employed for three years in England on a full time permanent contract. I am 23 years old and come from an IT background. Following redundancy from a previous role, I commenced employment as an Office Support Assistant, essentially an administrative position. I am currently subject to a disciplinary investigation relating to my having automated a significant proportion of my work responsibilities. This came to light when I was in the office but had stepped away from my workstation. During my absence an automated process completed a task which my manager observed and then questioned me about. In response to his question, “How has that happened when you were away from your desk?”, I replied, “I do not understand what you mean,” and continued working. I had been dealing with an urgent family matter that day and had taken an emergency call, and I accept that my response was not ideal. A second manager has confirmed that I was away from my desk for approximately 20 minutes, which was within my allocated break time, and I did not take a further break afterwards. He also observed the task completing while I was not present and concluded that the process must be automated. The tools used for the automation were provided by the company, specifically the Microsoft Power Platform. I do not have the ability to install, remove, or modify software on my computer and have never attempted to do so. I have only ever used company provided systems, software, and equipment. My role involves a number of tasks which I consider unnecessarily time consuming administrative processes. Each task takes approximately 35 minutes when completed manually and in total this represents a substantial portion of my working time. I therefore automated them to work more efficiently. Actions taken by manager: * My manager requested that I log into my laptop and hand it over to him so that he could investigate. I refused, as I believe any inspection should be conducted through the IT department to ensure appropriate audit trails and proper procedure. * My manager has removed these duties from my responsibilities. * He has imposed hourly monitoring checks while I am working remotely to ensure that I am “actually working” and not relying on automation. * He has raised an IT ticket seeking to have the automation functionality disabled (although this functionality is integrated within the Microsoft 365/Power Platform environment). Actions I have taken: * I have requested that all communication be conducted via email, or, if verbal, confirmed in writing afterwards. * I have disabled all automations. My manager is now completing these processes manually and has expressed dissatisfaction due to the additional workload. * I have remained calm and have not reacted emotionally. * I have prepared written notes for the forthcoming fact-finding meeting. * Continued to work as normal Further background: My manager has a very traditional working style and prefers all processes to be completed manually. For example, he does not permit the use of certain spreadsheet formulas or VBA code. He also opposes the scheduling of emails that require delivery at a specific time, insisting they be sent manually. I understand that my manager does not possess formal qualifications in this area and has limited technical capability to implement or maintain the automation I created. I have been using automation in this role for approximately 2.5 years. During a prior seven-month period of sickness absence, I disabled all automations because they occasionally require maintenance and no one else in the team was able to support them. There has been no cost to the company, as all software used was provided within the organisation’s existing systems**.** Lastly, I am looking to resign in the 6 months anyway, so I'm not too concerned about this, but want to be treated fairly. Additional Information from OOP: OOP: Just to add, the automations required monitoring and maintenance, so it wasn't a one time thing and that is it. I compare this to an excel spreadsheet that allows conditional formatting or allows updating of charts/graphs whenever new data is insert, but for some reason they're deeming this as deceptive etc Editor's note: OOP has made lots of responses, I am posting the top common questions asked and responses Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Is it "known" that you were using automation with these tasks before hand by other people? Have you been doing anything specific to "hide" the fact these tasks are automated? You mentioned disabling them when you had sick leave before because other could not maintain this - does this mean it was public knowledge within the team, or you made the decision not to share this? What are you doing in the time savings while the automated tasks are being completed. It sounds like their concern is that the jobs are being completed automatically, and you are not actively working. As well as possibly concerns about the accuracy of the work being completed - especially if the output of the work is being submitted without you checking it once completed. If you aren't hiding the fact it’s been automated, the work is of an acceptable level, and can prove you are actively working on other tasks while this is being done I wouldn't expect too much of an issue. I don't think your employers lack of experience, or preference towards "manual" work is too relevant. You are ultimately being paid to complete specific tasks in the way that is requested, to meet a specific criteria. OOP: No it wasn't known that I was using automation. However, then again no one knows what specific software I decide to use at work, but I use software made available to me by the company, and no software downloaded/installed by my own will. I disabled them during sick leave so the team can continue working without issues, if I had left them on then I wouldn't have been able to do housekeeping for automation processes to run without problem. In the time that is saved automating, I am doing online training and assisting others where possible. The work has always been accurate, and no issues of accuracy have been highlighted, in fact, since I started automation some work, taken off another colleague that had accuracy issues, mine has never failed any checks of valid output. I am not hiding anything because the company can check my account and see everything it’s all open, nothing is hidden. Commenter 2: First port of call would be your contract and handbook, and any policies your employer has around the use of technology. You may want to download a copy of these in case they suddenly change. Unless they really specifically forbid people from automating their work, I really fail to see how you could have committed any kind of misconduct here, given you were using tools provided by the company and didn't move company data to a third location or allow unapproved tools or software to access company data. When I clicked on this I thought it was going to be about feeding company data into ChatGPT but using Power BI etc. is basically, mechanically, equivalent to having done the work by hand. In the current climate you may want to emphasize this point when discussing or seeking advice. OOP: Thank you, much appreciated. I didn't use ChatGPT, or any external products or apis, all data kept in house, and sensitive data was processed locally on my desktop, and not even in the cloud environment. I've also asked for a technical background person to do my meeting, and not my manager for fairness, and HR have agreed. Commenter 3: You mentioned that you automate a big part of your role, and my question here is simple, why? I manage people in my role and, if I was your manager and randomly found out that you have automated even some of your work, then my alarm bells would be ringing too. If there was a need for you to assist yourself by automating some tasks, okay it with your manager and IT teams first, before going ahead and doing it. And no, it doesn't matter what tools are used. You went ahead and then did this anyway, freed up a lot of time in your work day and didn't tell your manager that you had done so. Most people, if they have good intentions about improving workflows, processes and productivity would actually put forward suggestions for improvement, take credit for it etc etc So here it looks like you wanted to have an easier time of it, working for this company and automating some of your work, for your selfish reasons OOP: I automated it because they provided me software that can automate it, and that means less to 0 errors, and tasks done quicker. My colleagues could automate it too, they have the software, just the lack of knowledge to do so, OOP on his background prior to this current job OOP: I was a junior solutions architect prior to this role, I got laid off, and then I applied to random admin jobs, and got this I won't be taking the L, why should I? I've not done anything wrong or illegal. I've asked for someone with a technical background to conduct my meeting on Wednesday, and have asked HR to remove my manager from the process directly to avoid any discrimination, and HR have agreed. Commenter 4: Did anyone know you had automated workload? Working there for 2.5 years and NOT sharing how you optimised workflow would be the bigger issue for me. Would be in a great position to talk to the company owner directly and show them stats of what you have optimised and how much time / cost savings they could be making. The nuclear option, show them how to automate most of the managers work and show how much the manager is digging their feet in. OOP: Nobody knew that I had automated, and I didn't feel the need to explain this. Because, the software is all there and nobody has ever asked me as to how I'm getting on with work because all the work has been done as requested, although not manually. The company is massive, I have no way of talking to shareholders. Nuclear option, that’s why I disabled automation as soon as this has landed, and will be a point of challenge that he's manually doing it all prior to this he wasn’t and had no workload. Commenter 5: It seems to me that the disciplinary is due to you amending your duties, specifically how they are performed, without the proper oversight or approvals, and when approached about it, you denied that it happened and became defensive, even to the point where you refused to allow your boss access to your work laptop. There are number of gross misconduct breaches here. If I was in your employers position I'd be doing exactly what they are doing and would likely find you have fallen within the realms of gross misconduct and let you go. I don't see anything unfair on their part from what you've said. Next time, let them know about the automation and change of process, and don't lie when you're questioned. OOP: Hi there. I was under the impression that I can use all software provided to do my work, and this is what I have done. As for refusing access to my laptop, this was a verbal request, and not in line with company policy due to data protection reasons, it has to go through our HR and then IT team. I never denied it had happened, I replied with "I do not understand what you mean". Commenter 6: Depends entirely on the processes you've automated and the expectations of the company For example, I work with a bunch of underwriters in high end insurance, and they absolutely must personally read, review, approve and sign tons of documents every day. It's very time consuming but a necessary legal requirement to ensure risk and value is accurately and honestly assessed before committing to a policy. In theory you could automate this and whizz through the blighters dozens at a time, even get copilot to "vet" the documents and provide feedback etc, and some investigation is happening on this elsewhere in the industry but on the whole - being methodological, reliable and honest are critical business values which it's all built on. However on the back end - we're whizzing up automations for emails for absences, missing equipment, surveys, regular reports. These are exactly what power platform is built for, and why IT has enabled them, hence they are promoted and welcomed for those kinds of functions. Anything else more business front end heavy would however need some governance and review before putting into production. So either a) they've misunderstood the workflow and think it's a lot more serious than it is, b) you've misunderstood the policy of the business and accidentally crossed some line with regards to standard practice, or c) your boss is an ancient one with zero technical prowess who sits awake at night sweating about how his days are numbered, utterly terrified of how replaceable he is. Only you can be sure which is the correct answer! OOP: I would say C, I followed GDPR (editor’s note: General Data Protection Regulation) law, no AI processing for personal data at all, no decisions made, simply procedural processes. My boss has taken my work and is doing it himself, to the point he’s staying back until 6/7pm above his finish time to do the work. He starts at 8 and has been working until 6/7pm out of his own will. He wouldn't even allow me to schedule a monthly email via outlook for the year ahead when I first asked him, wanted me to do it manually, he's only 39. Commenter 7: You’re dealing with someone too low down in the pecking order to see the real potential. Step 1 - find the company’s CEO. Step 2 - tell him you’ve found a way to automate your entire role. Your boss doesn’t appreciate it. But you believe you could save the company hundreds of thousands every year. Offer to look for opportunities to save time, money and man hours elsewhere in the organisation. If you get fired: Step 3 - make a list of all their competitors, and senior staff. Step 4 - contact them and explain you worked in the industry for XYZ company, and figured out how to automate your entire role using systems and tools already provided by the company. Offer to help them do the same. OOP: He's 39 and used to work as a bus driver prior to his current role, I have no idea how he made it to manager. But yeah that's who I’m dealing with. Good idea though thanks for that.   Update: March 17, 2026 (one month later) Update: Facing disciplinary investigation / sack for automating most of my responsibilities at work. I'm in England. Advice required possibly please: Can this affect me in future employment / references? I had my first stage disciplinary meeting and a union rep attended with me, but not in the capacity as a rep as I was not part of the union, however she wanted to help out considering the circumstances. The meeting initially was supposed chaired by my line manager's line manager, of which I instantly put an objection in because I thought it is not impartial, and I also asked for someone that is technically minded to chair, and the company (or HR) chose an IT Manager/Director to chair it. It lasted about 2.5 hours, with two adjournments and a 15 minute break halfway through. They asked around 10 questions in total. A lot of it focused on the accusation that I’d been using AI to process company data. My union rep shut that down pretty quickly because I’ve been clear from the start that no AI was used, and I had proof. The IT manager also reviewed everything and confirmed that as well. They tried to say I’d been dishonest about my automations, but I explained I was never actually asked how I do my work. In all my catch ups, I was only ever asked if tasks were getting done and if I had any issues. I brought notes from those meetings and there’s no point where my manager asked about my methods at all. My union rep also made a point that I’ve basically been treated like I’ve done something wrong before any proper process even started. As my manager took all my work off me and started doing it himself, which isnt right and made me feel like I’d already been judged. There was also a question about me not working enough hours. I explained that the job isn’t just task based for these tasks, it includes meetings, helping colleagues, training and other things that cant be automated. So I was still doing my full job. The IT manager confirmed he’d reviewed everything and said no AI was used, and he couldn’t back up the concerns my manager raised. They asked about me changing processes and not having permission to use the tools. My union rep stepped in on the process point and said nothing had actually changed in terms of output, just how I personally do the work. If something was wrong it would of shown in the results, but it hasn’t. On permission to use the software, I explained that we were all sent an email from the Director of IT when these tools were introduced, encouraging us to use them to improve efficiency. That’s exactly what I did. The IT manager confirmed that email was real and that the tools are available for everyone to use. They also questioned why I wasn’t doing things manually like everyone else. I basically said I’m here to work efficiently using the tools provided, and I learnt myself using the documentation in the software. The IT manager actually reacted quite positively to that. My union rep went through my contract and said there’s been no breach, and no fraud. There’s been no financial gain for me at all, and if anything the company benefited because my work has had no errors for 2 years. She even said if this was fraud then why hasn’t it been reported to the police. So fraud, dishonesty and deception were pretty much dismissed. My union reps view is that this is more of a management issue than anything I’ve done wrong. She also raised concerns about my manager putting in a request to disable software on my laptop, which seems to only target me and no one else. The IT manager was nodding along to that. There was also mention of hourly checks which my manager did on me specifically after this matter was raised, which again makes it feel like I’m being treated as guilty of something, and that wasn’t even raised with HR. There was also no questions or concerns about IT policy violation/teams activity. Interestingly there was no mention of the situation where I was asked to hand over my laptop. When my union rep brought it up, the chair said it wasn’t in the notes so couldn’t be discussed. In the meeting I also took supporting letters from colleagues that I helped and proof of training and other meetings. After around 2 weeks or so I received a letter in the post that I had no case to answer, and that no formal actions will be taken and the matter will not be placed on my company file. 1) HR gave me 28 days of discretionary company leave after I raised concerns about this matter. 2) I have submitted a formal grievance against my line manager, and again my line manger's line manager has asked to chair, of which I am objecting. TLDR: I faced a disciplinary investigation for automating most of my responsibilities at work, and was under investigation for breach of duty of fidelity, misconduct and potential fraud and dishonesty as this is deceptive. After the initial meeting, I was told I had no case to answer and that was the end of the matter. Additional Information from OOP: OOP: I just want to say thank you to all those that supported me in the first thread, and those that didn't. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Management sound senile, tbh - they should have given you a raise and asked you to automate some more stuff around the place. It sounds like you could save them a ton of wasted money! OOP: mate my manager took all my tasks from me and started doing them himself manually for some bizarre reason, so I disabled all automations and processes and let him lol *shrugs* lolol but that was used for defence that I was punished prior to the outcome lol Commenter 2: Thanks for the update. It sounds like your union rep did a great job controlling the conversation and defending you. OOP: Thank you. She really did, she's amazing and she deserved the flowers and chocolates from me thereafter, but she shared them with the rest of her team lol Commenter 3: You automated your job using company approved tools. You should have been given a bonus and asked to show others how to do the same. OOP: I guess a month off with fully pay provided by HR is a bonus lol... but for me this situation was a kick up the backside, I got laid off a few years ago from a tech role, and I ended up in this job... I have helped people as much as I can and they supported me with written letters for the meeting Downvoted Commenter: I love the fact that there is actually one thing where HRs could have catch you on and depending on data that you're dealing with and access levels you have you should at least get a warning but no one picked up on that. You've left your PC unlocked and unattended. While maybe not sackable offence should at least end with some kind of a warning. And good job on defending the automation. Work smart, not hard and management should praise for that. OOP: hey, I never accessed any data I shouldnt be, I just did what my tasks were. im not sure where you get that I have left my pc unlocked and unattended, that has never happened, where do you assume this from? :/ Commenter 4: Talk with HR and IT about helping everyone else to use the same tools. HR so you can get some extra compensation, and IT so its covered under theit remit. Seriously push HR about the manager creating a hostile environment and targeting you to force you out, and include this disciplinary hearing as a part of it. OOP: everyone has access to the tools and documentation. I dont know what other compensation I could achieve Commenter 4: They have access to the tools and docs - but lack the know how, or possibly the imagination to see how it would help them. Showing what you've done and helping them do the same with their work helps them, and the company. Compensation could be additional time off, or a one off payment. Improving company efficiency should be rewarded. OOP: true... but I know that will never happen, the whole company doesn't think of it this way. Shall I give you an example? I once emailed a supplier of hours and recommended a change in the way they do something on their side, and the supplier was delighted by my recommendation and said it was working better for them. my manager found out I did this, and objected to it, because its not in my salary band level to do something like this, and the decision was reversed. Downvoted Commenter 2: It’s common to have a senior figure lead a disciplinary meeting (investigation is usually further down) or someone from another site if possible - why is that a conflict? They are impartial or should be as they are further away from the matter at hand Wait apologies - was this just an investigation? An investigation isn’t a disciplinary - it’s a fact finding exercise beforehand -it doesn’t predate guilt it’s about finding out what’s happened I think the use of fraud is incorrect, but they are arguing it’s fraudulent because you’ve automated things? You wouldn’t call the police for that so not sure what the rep is talking about there But at least you’ve come out fine :) A line manager again looking at a grievance against one of their team is common and expected - why do you think they will have bias? OOP: I have no issues with a senior figure leading the investigation, but I want it to be someone that is unknown to our team, we are a large company   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

The gym I go to doesn’t have a lot of treadmills and I’ve recently started running. I went to the gym with my partner last night and all of the treadmills were in use. I used some weight machines to start then went back to the treadmills. I noticed there was a girl just sat on the treadmill while her friend was using the treadmill next to her. She’d been there for at least 15 mins not using it so I went up and asked if she was planning to use it. She said she was with her friend but I just said she can wit next to her friends machine instead of taking up machines from people who want to use them, She shrugged her shoulders and refused to move. A women comes over and asks what’s happening so I explain it. She said she’s the girls mother and that I shouldn’t be telling her daughter to move. I just said her daughter shouldn’t be taking up machines she has no intention of using. She said her daughter is feeling to sit there if she wants and that she’s doing nothing wrong. I just said I can see where her daughter gets her entitlement from. She said I was out of order for commenting on her parent but I just said she should be a better parent if she can’t handle any criticism. A member of staff came over and when I explained why was going on, asked the daughter to move off the treadmill or leave the gym. My gf said maybe I shouldn’t have argued with the mother but I don’t see how I’ve done anything wrong. AITAHfor asking a girl to get off a treadmill in the gym then arguing with her mother? submitted by /u/MathematicianLazy710 to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

You are locked in a room starting 10 hours from now. You are provided with a bed, a stocked bathroom (shower, soaps), and a table with a chair (coffee table and couch if you’d like). Food is delivered 3 times a day through a slot in the door. You can sleep, eat, live as normal, but cannot die nor sustain any injuries/illnesses. Time passes for you but not for the world around you; upon completion you will return to the exact moment you left. You have two options to get out of the room. You cannot escape until you are done with one or the other. You must watch 500 movies through completely. You can rewatch movies, but you must finish each individual movie in its entirety to complete the challenge. OR You must read 150, 200+ page books. You must read each one in its entirety. You cannot choose books with one word per page or any sort of loophole. When you are done, you will return to the moment you left upon exiting the room’s door. Which would you pick? To clarify: You have no choice when it comes to being locked in the room. While you can get things to entertain you, you cannot leave the space and cannot talk to other people. The choice is whether you leave through watching movies or reading books. Plenty of people view this as a great thing regardless of the boredom or isolation, so I have opened the opportunity of choosing when to leave once a challenge is completed by adding on, doing both, etc. Edit: To answer a few questions: You may not bring any other people nor electronics. You can have your pet and they will be provided for. Food provided is plain, you have fresh clothes. You can get things you’d like such as coffee, snacks, etc. You can crochet, exercise, do what you’d like but cannot leave. I suppose this is a bit like heaven for a lot of people, myself included.., the downside being no other people and some boredom. Edit 2: You can pick the movies. I should have made both a list or both free choice. You now have free choice for either. submitted by /u/oliverg600 to r/hypotheticalsituation [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Total_Dumb_9559 Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest Previous BoRUs: #1 [New Updates]: My husband is leaving me for a younger woman, and all I can think about is the house décor. NEW UPDATES MARKED WITH ---- Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU. Thank you to u/SmartQuokka for letting me know about the latest updates! Trigger Warnings: infidelity, emotional abuse and manipulation, neglect RECAP Original Post: August 8, 2025 I made this account because my main one has my friends on it and I’m way too embarrassed to be known as the cheated-on wife. I’m 34F, married for 7 years to my husband (41M), together for 10. I love my husband and always thought he felt the same about me. We built a life together. Eight years ago, he had severe anxiety and couldn’t sleep, so I would stay up with him, holding his hands and doing breathing exercises until he could finally rest. I’d go to work exhausted. I helped him find a therapist, I encouraged him to grow in his career even though he was afraid. Six years ago, I quit my job to take care of his mom who had cancer because he had the potential to earn more than me. While I was job hunting again, I got pregnant, and he suggested I stay home to take care of him and our daughter. So I did. I cared for him and I loved him. In December, he got a promotion, which meant more hours. I gave birth to our daughter in March. I went through a phase where I felt horrible fat, ugly and it was just me and my baby at home. He barely talked to me, always said he was tired, and that I wouldn’t understand what he had to say. If it wasn’t for my mom staying on video calls with me, I think I would have felt completely abandoned. I’ve been suggesting couples therapy since June, and he kept saying everything was fine. Now I feel like I’m nothing more than a mother. I used to read, study, be interesting. I wasn’t sexually frustrated or insecure back then. I used to have conversations about politics, music, books, art. I decorate our house myself with my own savings and it’s everything I ever dreamed of. I love my house. The colors, the furniture, my kitchen. It took me years to make it exactly how I wanted. I have the garden I always dreamed of, a vegetable patch I adore, and a hanging chair where I love to sit with my baby. Last week, he came home later than usual and I was happy to see him. I was in the living room playing with our daughters. He asked the older one to go to her room. He seemed like he had been drinking and then said, “I love you so much, but I don’t want to be with you anymore.” He told me I wasn’t the person he fell in love with anymore. Then he said he was in love with a girl from work, that she was everything he’d ever dreamed of, and that he needed to give himself the chance to live that love without guilt. Yes, he cheated on me with a 22 year old. When I finally managed to speak, the only thing that came out was, “But what about my home décor?” At some point, I picked up my baby and started shouting things like, “I put time into this house! I did everything it needed! This house is mine!” We argued because apparently I didn’t value his suffering enough. I don’t know why I kept talking about the house. I guess I’m disposable. I’m 34, with a 4-month baby and a 4-year-old daughter. I don’t have a job. I’m going to lose my dream home. I feel ugly, fat, and he’s told me he’s not attracted to me anymore because I gained too much weight during my last pregnancy. Edit: I’m going to talk with his mom and brother about the divorce today. I’m starting with them because they’re close to me, and his brother went through a divorce over infidelity early last year. Also, his mom is very attached to me for obvious reasons, I was there for her during the worst part of her life, and his brother and I are also very close. I also texted my mom, and she’s coming here to stay with me and the girls, I hope she gets the visa to visit, and my dad, who’s American, will be coming to my state in 2 weeks. Edit 2: I talked to his brother about the affair and he leaving. He told me to find a lawyer (The same thing you all said) now we’re talking to a few lawyers today. I accepted the help because I have the girls with me, so it’s hard to do everything alone. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I’m so sorry this happened to you. If you want the house you'll need to fight for it in the divorce. Of your husband was even a little bit decent he should leave it to you and your daughters so that the kids aren't uprooted. That's the least he can do for you if he wants to go build another life he'll regret. You're going to need resolve and a plan.... get evidence of his cheating and start building your case... OOP: I’m looking online for lawyers, but I don’t know what I’m looking for Commenter 2: Family law attorney in your area. Why should you move? In the US? You don’t work and he does? You are primary care giver to kids? Did someone tell him that banging a 22 year old was free? That was the most expensive thing he ever did. OOP: i don’t want to move. I’ve been living in the US for 16 years, but I’m from South America. Honestly, I’m scared, even though I’m here legally. Downvoted Commenter: Yeah so you wouldn't miss him? But just the house? OOP: I’m going to miss him so much, I love him and I gave so much of myself to him. i can’t even describe to you how much it hurts to take a hit like this it hurts so much that I don’t even think about how much I’ll miss him. I think about how I dedicated so much time to all of this, he wanted a second daughter and she’s here at 4 months old while he’s sleeping with a new girl. I’m in pain and I’m angry so angry Commenter 3: I think that your first reaction being about your home decor tells you everything that you need to know. Your relationship with him was dead and now you can move on to better things. He doesn’t deserve you or the lovely home you created. Downvoted Commenter 2: Leaving OP with a 4 month old is pretty shitty behaviour. But her response indicates to me that there wasn’t a lot of space for him in the relationship. She referred to it as her house, her decor, her vegetable garden. My marriage broke down for similar reasons, although, i didn’t leave for my secretary. It was pretty clear to me that my wife considered her role to be looking after the house and the kids and my role was to pay for everything. OOP: He didn’t want to get involved in anything related to the house. Neither taking care of it, nor maintaining it, nor giving opinions everything was whatever. Commenter 4: So basically you put him on a pedestal and made him your god and served him..neglecting your self and everything that made you who you are..now you are crying about the damn house and how unfair of him to do this to you? Wasn't unfair of you to abandon yourself for that man? If you abandoned you, why would he stick with you? And it is a waste of time giving advice here, you'll take him back in a second if he said sorry...I made a mistake.. You really will stay with him and fight for him until the end . When you should only focus on you...not him.. So do you want us to say ..how evil he is doing this to a perfect person like you? Oh but yeah.. do couple therapy...can't lose that house! OOP: I neglected myself in many ways, really. Along the way, I may have changed, but everything I did came from the bottom of my heart. I took care of his mother because I cared about her, I had and cared for my daughters because I wanted to be a mother and it made sense for me to care for our children, and I took care of him because I like taking care of the people I love. But I had never even thought about how much I neglected myself until now, because I accepted so many things since I loved him and was busy with all of that. to be really honest, I didn’t even want to have my youngest daughter he was the one who insisted. I hope one day I can be as strong-willed as you, and I hope you never go through this, because unfortunately it’s very easy to lose yourself in motherhood and in the role of wife, and I got lost. And no, I do not intend to get back with my husband, I’m afraid of losing my home and my daughters. Commenter 5: It's definitely a raw deal. Even though we're only getting one side of the story it shouldn't end like this. Best of luck to you and your daughters. It speaks to your character that his own family is on your side. Appreciate that fact and let it give you comfort in who you are. OOP: I have been friends with his brother for a long time, and he went through a difficult divorce, that’s why he is with me. I decided not to tell the rest of his family yet until we have a lawyer. Apparently, he hasn’t told anyone either   Update #1: August 15, 2025 (one week later) (Update) My husband is leaving me for a younger woman, and all I can think about is the house décor. Hi, I’m writing cause I feel pathetic, tired, I just want to skip to when this phase of my life is over. A brief summary of what happened this week, and I can’t believe I loved this man. My brother in law is staying at my house until my family arrives, and my best friend visits me every day. On Monday, my brother in law asked my ex to leave the house and, strangely, he actually listened to his brother. Since then, he’s only been tormenting me through messages. He wants an amicable divorce and keeps making proposals that only benefit him. I’ve been trying to stick to a routine, because I have two children and they need stability and apparently, I’m the only one willing to provide that. Yesterday he texted me saying he wanted to see the kids, and I agreed. He showed up after they were already asleep; I swore he wasn’t going to come. He arrived here at 11 p.m. with a document, wanting to talk about how he’d like to keep the house and pay me an additional amount for my share. I just stared at him without saying anything. I asked him to leave because the kids were sleeping. My brother in law added that it wasn’t the right time or place to discuss this and asked him to leave. I don’t know what happened to him, but this doesn’t seem like the man I married. He yelled at my brother in law, saying he was betraying him, that he wanted to “play house” because his own marriage didn’t work out???????? Then he yelled at me, calling me a lazy whore who wasn’t going to take his money. He said this house was his, and that his 22 year old girlfriend (Anne) told him I was going to try to keep the house he bought. We didn’t respond I just said he should leave because he was getting messy, and then he left. I don’t know why he wants the house when he can afford to buy another one. And I don’t understand how the person I married could try to trick me just to come out ahead in the divorce. I kept asking myself if this is the man I married he wants me gone, he wants the kids gone. He didn’t ask about the girls, about his own daughters. He didn’t see them or even ask to give them a goodnight kiss. To him and to Anne, we’re just an obstacle. Nothing more. I’m not even a person Relevant Comments Commenter 1: The 22 year old wants the house OOP: For sure, but she won’t even come close. + What makes me angriest is that it took me so long to get the house to look the way it does today. And now some girl comes along, and he just assumes I’m going to give my house to them? Commenter 2: Did he buy the house before you were married or did you both buy it after you were married? If he came into the marriage with the house, there isn't much you can do and he will likely get the house. If not, then you will probably get the house in the divorce as that is the home of the kids. I would suggest keeping all communications in text so that you have evidence of what he said. Keep a notebook as well to make notes of anything he does or say or doesn't do regarding the kids. If he says he will visit but doesn't make a note of it. This will help you in child custody. OOP: I paid part of the down payment, he pays the mortgage, but I’ve invested around 15% of the value in renovations and decoration. Commenter 3: Im so proud of you for standing your ground and protecting yourself and the kids. I think BiL has always known who his brother is (a selfish AH) and is helping you and the kids bc he knows how his brother can be. BiL sounds like a decent guy and I am so glad you have someone in your corner as you wait for reinforcements. At least you have your two babies and wont have to worry about custody. Please get therapy when and if you can so you have someone to process this with. OOP: Honestly, he and my best friend are the best. After four months, I finally have time to rest and get help with my baby. Do you know how good it feels to take a 40/50 minute shower just to relax? I had been alone for so long that I thought it was normal to do everything by myself. Commenter 4: So basically, you quit your job to care for HIS mom, and didn’t get another job to raise yours and HIS children, so you had to rely on HIM for income, and now this fucker who you gave up everything for his and his family wants to basically leave you nothing and doesn’t even give a fuck about his kids!?? Fuck. That. I hope someone will give you the money for a good divorce lawyer. What a fucking asshole. OOP: My dad is going to pay for my lawyer, my mom is also supporting me financially, and my brother in law has also offered to cover expenses if necessary What happened to OOP's BIL's marriage? OOP: The ex cheated and got pregnant. He had to rush through the divorce so he wouldn’t be listed on the child’s birth certificate. They were together since high school.   ----NEW UPDATES---- Editor's note: the next update is over four months old, and it has not been posted to the sub here After a divorce, is there a right time to go on a date?: September 17, 2025 (one month later) After a divorce, is there a right time to go on a date? I’m getting a divorce, we’re filing the papers. He had someone else during the marriage, and we have a 6-month-old baby. A friend introduced me to her BIL and he asked me out. I thought about going because I never imagined anyone would be interested in a mom going through a divorce, just to talk and see what dating again is like, but I’m not sure if it’s the right time Relevant Comments OOP on how her ex is taking the divorce news? OOP: I think he’s having a rough time. He’s about to have another kid, and apparently his mistress wants to get married and he doesn’t. I also found out that the apartment where his mistress lives with her friends is his, and now it’s part of the divorce deal. Now he keeps texting about the mistress and how hard his life is, but guess who never comes to see his daughters. OOP on how her BIL (ex's brother) has been supportive to her OOP: There was never anything going on before. He was one of the first people I met when I got here, and he’s always been a huge support for me. I’ve loved him as a friend for a long time. He had an emergency last month and ended up in the hospital with a GI bleed. Waiting on the biopsy results was terrifying, especially since his mom had a malignant intestinal tumor. Honestly, my anxiety was all over the place, I cried my eyes out thinking I might lose him. Thank God it was just an ulcer. He’s a smoker, so last week we were talking and I asked him to quit, and he agreed. I don’t even know why that was attractive, but… one thing led to another. Commenter 1: If you have a 6-month-old baby and you’re not divorced, don’t date. Don’t bring strange men around your baby. I waited until my daughter was 5. I figured that gave me 5 years to focus on her completely. And she was then able to verbalize any problems with a man. Plus you need time to process what happened with your marriage. Jumping into the next thing immediately sometimes can be a rebound OOP: I thought about going on the date just to see what it’s like, not because I want to be in a relationship. Commenter 2: If you are interested in going on the date, go! It doesn't have to mean a relationship, but you never know what can happen. I'm guessing things haven't been great in your marriage for a little while, so maybe you're ready to just see what it's like out there. It's okay to do that whenever you are ready to do that, whether that is next week or decade from now. I'm sure you're a great mom and being a great mom means taking care of your own needs as well as your child's. Will your ex have 50/50 custody? If so, that gives you time to date without bringing someone around your child if you don't want to do that. The only thing I would caution you about is to not rush into a serious relationship really fast. I see a lot of younger people who move in together within just a few months of dating. It rarely seems to work out very well and that IS unfair to kids who will get attached. Just take it slow and evaluate your feelings as you go. Maybe this turns out to be something. Maybe this doesn't turn out to be anything. Maybe it's just something casual. OOP: My ex is a workaholic, he’s been working a lot for a few years now. So it’s unlikely that custody will be 50/50. He recently said he didn’t want to be a father to girls, but I have support from my dad, my best friend, and my ex’s brother has practically lived with me since the beginning of the divorce, so I do get “days off” Honestly I don’t want a serious relationship, I don’t even know if I’ll ever want one, but I would like to have something casual. I’ve never had anything casual, or one night stands, or FWB. I’ve only had sex with my husband, and before that I dated a religious guy who later became a priest. With my ex husband our sex life was almost nonexistent, he never wanted to spice things up or accept my suggestions. When he asked me to have another child, I thought things would change. But after I got pregnant, nothing ever happened again. I’d like to explore my sexuality a bit more, nothing wild, but I would like to have some experiences.   How do I (34F) set boundaries with my ex (42M) without him abandoning our daughters?: December 20, 2025 (three months later) How do I (34F) set boundaries with my ex (42M) without him abandoning our daughters? I don’t really know who to ask because I’m super embarrassed, and reddit has helped me before. I’m in the middle of a divorce, and it’s been a really ugly fight. My ex hid assets from me, bought an apartment where his mistress was living without me knowing, hid some investments, and honestly I don’t think I would’ve found out if someone on reddit hadn’t told me I could hire a specialist to look into it. This week he tried to talk to me a few times, but I didn’t really engage. then yesterday he asked to pick up our oldest daughter and I said yes. I figured the conversations were because he missed our daughters. Today he came to drop her off. After our daughter went inside, he asked if we could talk and I agreed. He asked how I was, I said “Fine.” Trying not to be rude, I asked how he was too. My god, he would not stop talking. Problem after problem with his barely legal, pregnant affair partner. Then, after all that, he asked if we could fix things. Of course I said no, he is disgusting and called me fat just a few months after I delivered our younger baby and I’m having a thing with someone, but the worst part is that he kissed me and I didn‘t want the kiss. I just went inside without saying anything. I don’t want this to be misunderstood, because I swear I did not give him any opening for that. I kind of feel dirty?! So how do I set a boundary without completely pushing him away from having a relationship with our daughters? the last time he spent a long stretch of time with our daughters was in September. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Set the boundary of we only communicate about our child. If that’s his focus, he should be okay with that. OOP: I try to do that. He tries to send messages talking about himself, but I never reply. I only respond if it’s related to the girls, but now I don’t know if I fell safe to be alone with him again. Commenter 2: You mentioned you don’t feel safe being alone with him. Can you expand on that a little? OOP: He forcibly held me and kissed me Commenter 3: What is happening with your house? Do you get to keep it? You are entitled to the house, his other investments, and alimony (although I don't know which state, province, or country you're in to determine the split). On another note, karma, eh? He comes back to you after he realizes the grass isn't greener on the other side. OOP: It’s not finalized yet, but it looks good on my side. OOP clarifies on why she was considering about stepping into the dating world OOP: A lot of people assume I’m looking for a man to replace my ex as a father figure, and exposing kids to that can make them vulnerable to harassment or abuse. But that’s not what’s happening. I have my dad, my stepmom, and my mother-in-law who help so I can have some time for myself. I use that time for many things I’m even taking a course to go back to working in my field, but I also use that time to explore relationships, because my ex was the only relationship I’ve ever had, and I want to experience other dynamics.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Kimboisin AITAH for telling my sister it doesn’t matter how anyone else feels about my wife’s assistance dog? Originally posted to r/AITAH Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU BoRU 1 TRIGGER WARNING: Ableism, manipulation Original Post June 20, 2024 My wife and I live in a different state to my family, however we often travel back to my home state for special family occasions, birthdays and Xmas for example. My wife is a 22 year military veteran and when she discharged it was medically, she has been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and depression and has spent several stints in psychiatric hospital, one for four months. She was prescribed an assistance (service) dog who we have trained up under the supervision of a registered organisation and she (we’ll call her Daisy) is formally qualified and papered. She goes pretty much wherever we go, including interstate flying in the cabin of the plane, with my wife in an ambulance to hospital, and also was interned with her at psychiatric units. My family are all aware of this and mostly supportive. However the last time we visited for my niece’s 21 st birthday, I was questioned by both my sister and my niece about whether Daisy was accompanying my wife to the party, which I responded that she was, as my wife really struggles in loud crowded environments (there was about 80 people and loud music together in one room). My niece suggested several reasons why Daisy shouldn’t go, loud music , balloons, lots of people… which I assured her Daisy was fine with - and they already know this being very familiar with Daisy’s very calm temperament. My sister then spoke to me after my niece and also said similar things, not outright saying, but heavily suggesting it would be better if Daisy didn’t attend. I just said if my wife feels she needs her, she will be attending. Sometimes my wife has been able to do small things without her, but never big events like parties, even shopping centres and restaurants Daisy comes with her. Anyway, the party came and went, my wife had to take 4 Valium to cope, but managed to sit through the evening with Daisy by her side at her feet at a table, other people throughout the evening went over to talk to her and most didn’t even notice Daisy was there. For myself, I’m used to my wife’s conditions and knew that although she was struggling, she was coping and even enjoying talking to people at times. I danced the night away, periodically sitting down beside my wife and checking in. After the party was over, we had a few days at my sister’s house where the topic of her son’s impending wedding came up. Again I was asked by my sister if my wife would be taking Daisy. I again said yes, more than likely (for the same reasons as the 21: lots of people, loud noises, crowded environment). Again if was inferred that the event wouldn’t be suitable for Daisy, the tables were really crowded, lots of people, plus my sister suggested that if my wife didn’t have Daisy she would be able to get up and dance! Before my wife had her breakdown, she was not a dancer and now with her anxiety, there’s no way she’d be comfortable out on a dance floor! I was so taken aback I didn’t know how to respond. My wife heard my sister talking to me and so she suggested she only go to the ceremony and skip the reception to avoid my sister getting stressed out about her dog. My sister snapped ‘they’re at the same venue!’ then softened it with ‘of course we want you to come’. Both my wife and I felt very uncomfortable and kept reassuring my sister Daisy would be fine as she has been taught to sit under my wife’s chair out of the way… it felt like the concerns raised weren’t genuine concerns but just a way to feel like Daisy was unwelcome. We flew back home not long after and this is where I may be TA. We woke up the next morning and the first words out of my wife’s mouth were ‘maybe and should just stay home for the wedding and you go by yourself so I don’t stress your sister out by taking Daisy’. I felt so bad for her, it’s taken such a long time for her to feel comfortable in going out in public, and Daisy has been instrumental in that, and now my family were making her feel like she wasn’t welcome with her assistance dog. I reassured her but later in the day I rang my sister and told her what my wife had said, and that perhaps more care could be taken to make sure my wife wasn’t left feeling that her conditions were not considered. I told her my wife had said perhaps she shouldn’t go to avoid stressing her out and my sister just said ‘yes and?’ To which I replied that she had been prescribed a dog for a reason, and without her dog my wife would likely not go anywhere (like she used to). My wife said well she was better last time she was down, she didn’t take her everywhere, I explained that mental health goes up and down, last time she was doing a bit better however she’d just been sick and was put on medication that messed with her regular meds and so was only just coming out of that. Also I reminded my sister the last time we didn’t really go out apart from to a restaurant , to which Daisy also came. I just feel like I’m constantly trying to ‘prove’ my wife’s medical conditions, even her PTSD has been questioned as (my sister’s words) ‘she didn’t go to Afghanistan’. She even had her best friend question me about it. I’m tempted to tell them some of my wife’s horror stories, but I just keep it general so they don’t get second hand trauma. My sister also said that she ‘had to think about other people’ and I said why? Does someone have a problem with Daisy attending, and she said her son (my nephew) and his future wife had spoken to her about it. I said well I’ll ring them then, which she hastily replied, no you can’t, they spoke to me in confidence. I said I just don’t understand what you are trying to achieve, and she said it’s not just about you, I have to think of other people. I said well you wouldn’t be asking Nonna if she was bring her wheely walker, and she said actually Nonna might be in a wheelchair so I’ll have to put her at the end of the table, to which I snapped and said yes, but you wouldn’t tell her she’s not allowed to bring her wheelchair! And she replied, I didn’t say you couldn’t bring Daisy! I said back that it was disingenuous to pretend that your questions aren’t designed to make us feel like she shouldn’t be coming. To which she replied that she couldnt handle this stress I was causing her and she said goodbye and hung up. So aitah for calling my sister out on all her questions regarding my wife’s assistance dog? Am I too sensitive (like my sister said)? Update June 21, 2024 Original post here https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/nx3Q8iFJhZ After reading the supportive comments from (almost) everyone, I ended up ringing my nephew. Firstly, a few clarifications. One, I am a woman, it’s a same sex marriage so am not her husband but her wife. Two, her Valium is only 2mg, she took 4 that night which is 8mg, which means she was nowhere near ‘whacked out of mind’ like some suggested. She has 5mg tablets as well but prefers to titrate the dose herself in 2mg increments for precisely that reason. Three, yes I was up dancing the night away, and this does not make me a monster, we rarely go out, and when we do my wife loves seeing me enjoy myself and letting my hair down, as much of my life is in service to her and her conditions. She gets enjoyment from me having fun too. Plus the dance floor was like 3 metres from where she was sitting and I could see her watching me and smiling. Four, please refrain from calling my sister nasty names, yes she is out of line here but she (and her kids) are my only immediate family and are very important to me. Going NC would hurt me as much as her. Anyway, for the update. I rang my nephew and asked him if he and his bride had a problem with Daisy accompanying my wife to their wedding as my sister was suggesting they did. I said that while my sister hadn’t directly said Daisy couldn’t go, it was being heavily implied that she wasn’t welcome. My nephew seemed kind of confused initially and didn’t really answer the question other than to say he hadn’t really thought about it. I wondered then if he was being cagey so I asked him for his total honesty and he said that when he spoke to his mum… then he stopped and said ‘actually, mum spoke to ME’ he also told her he hadn’t thought about it. He then said he hadn’t even asked his fiance yet. I told him my anxiety was really high over this and I just needed to know how he felt, and he said, ‘I guess I just assumed Daisy would be going with (your wife), as they’re kind of a package deal’ I got quite emotional hearing this, and he told me not to worry, that everything must have been blown out of proportion, and so long as my wife was ok. He’s always been a really caring kid which is why I had my suspicions that my sister wasn’t being totally honest. Anyway we chatted some more, he told me to stop crying otherwise he’d cry at work and all his mates would laugh at him, which made me laugh. He said he’d ring his mum, so I guess shit is going to hit the fan. I have several stress related conditions because of what I’ve been through keeping my wife alive so I really struggle these days with anxiety, I have MINOCA and have had a heart attack in the past from stress (Takastubo). I’ve been having really bad chest pain from this and stomach upset so although I was tempted to tell my nephew not to call his mum, I need a resolution one way or another. The limbo is too difficult to manage. So I guess there will be another update. OOP Adds additional info Comment 1 Thank you so much for your considered reply and your service too. My wife is on medication that helps (it’s taken a few years to get it right) and she sees a psychiatrist and psychologist every fortnight, and is linked in with other VA services. She has also given up alcohol (she drinks zero percent beers now which she says are great), and she undertakes an exercise program. It’s taken a looog time and a ton of effort of her behalf to get to this point, and a lot of input and help from me. That’s why I’m so protective of her, I know the hell she has been through to get to the point where she can even consider going to big events. Everyone else just thinks ‘she’s fine’. I still see her nightmares at night, her sitting in the car willing the courage to get out with Daisy at the shops, her anxiety rising in crowds, her bad days in the privacy at home , etc etc… you know the story. I’ve tried to encourage her to link up with other veterans but she finds some people too triggering, and we’ve had a couple of instances where vets have been inappropriate (because they are unwell). She may consider it again but right now she keeps her bubble small. Thank you for your kind words, I’m not the perfect partner all the time but I do give it 100% effort that’s for sure. She deserves it. And so do you. Comment 2 My wife has had a seizure in the past from PTSD nightmares, but it was only once. My sister knows she’s been hospitalised, she’s seen her not be able to get out of bed for days with migraines… but it seems when my wife is functioning ‘better’, that is all forgotten. My wife is very good at hiding her illnesses too (years of being in the military teaches you that!). But I don’t think it’s specific to my wife, when I was in hospital with a perforated bowel I felt that was minimised by my sister too. Unless it’s happened to her she seems to struggle to empathise at times. But is very caring sometimes too… it’s really confusing. My sister is a very complicated person. She has suffered the trauma of losing my mum, like I did, quite young, and her death was quite horrific, my sister has very bad anxiety and I guess that’s where the extreme need for control comes from too. I have control issues too, although not to the same degree, and I work really hard on letting go. My sister seems to be getter worse, but she won’t recognise the problem, and won’t get help. And no one ( apart from me, occasionally) stands up to her. My niece tries too but it doesn’t go well at all. FINAL UPDATE Aug 19, 2024 (2 Months later) *UPDATE 19 August * Ugggghhhh. I’ve been asked for an update quite a few times now and I’m sorry but I just haven’t been able to face it. So I’ll try my best, here goes… After I spoke to my nephew, my sister rang me, pretty livid that I’d spoken to him. She said she’d never said Daisy couldn’t come (I guess ‘technically’ that’s true), but that she didn’t understand why Daisy was sometimes with my wife and sometimes not, and it was all too confusing for her and could I explain it etc etc. Firstly, my wife and Daisy are together over 90% of the time. I think one time when we were visiting my sister, we popped down the local shops briefly and Daisy didn’t come. We were out for half an hour tops, and my wife was having a good day. My sister then brought up a motorbike event that my wife had mentioned she might be going to later in the year, and said that obviously my wife wouldn’t take Daisy, so how did I explain that? I said I didn’t know about that, and I wasn’t even sure my wife was going. When I spoke to my wife later on she said she hadn’t decided yet if she was going (as it was months away and she wouldn’t know how she would feel), and that if she went Daisy would be going, as they have support vehicles and she could travel on that while my wife was on the bike, and be with my wife the rest of the time. Obviously my wife would only attempt this trip if she was in a good place, as riding a motorcycle long distance takes a lot of concentration and energy. At this stage she thinks she’s ‘probably not going, but it’s nice to dream’. My sister said she never said anything about Afghanistan, promptly followed by, I know there’s Iraq and Iran as well (also two places my wife hasn’t been in the Navy either), so that didn’t really help her case. Anyway, it was a whole lot of emotional justifying and defending her position, gaslighting etc. It was exhausting and emotionally draining and I was an anxious crying mess by the end of it. Trying to DEFEND my wife’s medically diagnosed conditions and her medically prescribed Assistance dog (were in Australia, assistance dogs = service dogs). My sister said the whole point was she just wanted to be able to discuss it, and that I was just like Aunty —- , (someone she hates) so that was another kick in the guts. I finished up by saying, I feel we have discussed it now, and there was no need for further ‘discussion’. Since then I’ve been very panicky, feeling like I won’t have a family if we didn’t get over this, like she turn her kids against me, misrepresent what I was saying etc. So I kept calling trying to have friendly ‘normal’ chats, trying to get back to a happy place. I was totally out of control and desperate to smooth things over. I ended up on medication just to cope with my anxiety.Sorry if this is all a bit scattered, I’m finding it hard to write about as I don’t want to think about it and spiral. I’m better now, more in control, but it’s been a couple of months getting there. Since the argument we have been civil, but it’s a weird vibe, like a big fat elephant sitting in the room. Today I was having a conversation with her, and things were a little warmer, until she started talking about our uncle (who admittedly is a bit of a strange guy, and who she also hates) saying how dare he decide my niece (her daughter) had a problem with him (he had sent her a text message that she didn’t reply to, so he wrote to me saying he didn’t mean to upset her), he was just making assumptions, then she started ranting about how ‘this family has a real problem with that, people making assumptions about other people’s intentions’, which I knew was having a go at me and my wife, so I cut her off and said ‘I’d better let you go back to work’ and said goodbye. My sister is never going to admit fault, she’s always the victim, everyone else is over sensitive or just plain wrong, and it’s just so disappointing and maddening, but there’s nothing to be done. It’s either I stand up, and we fight and she never talks to me again, or I just try to focus on her good points (she does have them), and ignore this behaviour. Surely deep down she must feel bad? Maybe? I can’t imagine how she can possibly think her behaviour is ok, but maybe she does. All I can do is have boundaries but try to assert them gently and without too much conflict. On a positive note, I spoke to my nephew again when I rang him for his birthday, and he brought it up again (I was going to leave it), and reassured me that he’d spoke to his fiancé and both of them are happy to have Daisy there and it’s all been a misunderstanding and he didn’t want his mum and I to fall out over this. He’s such a good kid, well, man now. He also knows his mum very well, but like everyone takes the path of least resistance. He even defended her saying that he probably gave her the wrong impression (he didn’t, he’s just trying to take the responsibility off his mum, which is something he would do as he wants everyone to get along). I wish just for once she could see that sometimes her behaviour is really hurtful. And ease up on the judgement and controlling behaviour. She never takes responsibility for her harsh words. Anyone have any ideas what makes someone behave this way? Because I’m stumped. Thanks for listening, I can’t talk to anyone else x THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Edit: see edits and additional hypos at the end of this post! You are offered a job in a standard office building, a 10 minute drive from your home. You will make a salary of $500k per year. You will receive a 5% raise for every year of employment. Every year, you receive 3 weeks paid time off, 5 sick days, and standard bank holidays off (Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.). You also receive standard health benefits. The dress code is business casual. Your shift begins at 9am, and ends at 5pm each weekday (M-F). You are paid bi-weekly (every two weeks). Once per year, there is an all expense paid, 7-day long, company retreat in a foreign country. During the retreat, you will fly first class, stay in luxury accommodations, eat gourmet food with other employees of the company, and participate in optional activities (tours of sites, shows, concerts, cultural experiences, recreational activities like jet skiing, parasailing, etc.). You may bring 1 person of your choosing to the company retreat. Attending the company retreat is optional, but if you chose not to attend, you must work during those 7 days. However, your work entails staring at a screen, alone in a private office, for 8 hours per day. You have access to a computer, but the only material loaded is written published books (novels, memoirs, biographies, etc.) that were written prior to 1950, which you are welcome to read at your leisure. There are no other features on the computer (internet, note taking, messaging, etc.). However, there is a simple portal where you can type written messages to your manager to ask questions, request time office, etc. You are not permitted to speak to your manager about anything non-work related, and you will never meet them in person. You work in a private, 10x10x10, sound proof, climate controlled office with no windows nor decorations. You must close and lock the door behind you when you occupy your office. A desk, chair, computer, a single power outlet, thermostat, mouse, keyboard, a silent digital clock hanging on the wall, and computer screen are the only objects in the office. The lights cannot be controlled by you, and are on during your entire shift. You can, however, control the temperature within the office. You may not bring anything with you into your office, besides your body and clothing (no phones, other people, music players, books, food, water, coffee, notepads, pillows, blankets, etc.). You may not leave the office except for two snack / water / bathroom breaks (15 min each) and one lunch break (30 minutes), which may be taken at any time during your shift. During your breaks, you may not access your phone, internet, or any other objects (beyond those provided within your office), nor can you leave the building. You may only use the restroom or eat a lunch / snack / drink (provided by the company, free of charge). There are other people in the office, but they all have the exact same job as you - you may interact with them as you wish during your breaks. There is a small, windowless cafeteria within the building with restrooms, tables, chairs, a clock, sink, a coffee machine, and a fridge filled with pre-packed food items, where you may eat your lunch, socialize, rest, etc. Your break begins the moment you exit your office, and you must be back in your office at the end of the permitted time. During your time in your private office, you may sit at your desk, move around the room, lay on the ground, sleep, exercise, and really do anything you wish except for tampering with, taking apart, or destroying any of the objects within the room. You are not required to read the material loaded on the computer if you do not want to. If there is an emergency situation (family emergency, extreme sudden illness, etc.) you will be notified and permitted to leave if you wish. However, if you leave early, this will be deducted from your PTO. You may also take half-days, if desired, but these will also be deducted from your PTO balance. You must be employed in this role for a minimum of one year. After one year, you may quit at any time and you will keep all earnings. However, if you quit prior to your one year contract or you if break any of the above outlined rules at any time (bringing in an unpermitted object, taking an extra break, leaving the building, exceeding allotted PTO, etc.), you automatically be fired from your role and will owe the company $500k. Would you take this position? Edits: 1) the dress code is business casual (no jeans, hoodies, sweat pants, etc.). Think dress shirts, pants, dresses, sweaters, blouses, etc. You must wear appropriate workwear that is expected in a typical office, so no puffy coats, trench coats, strange / unique clothing, or many / multiple layers, allowed in the office. A diaper would be permitted. Also, you may not shit / pee in your private office (why would you want to??), as this counts as destruction. 2) the creators / operators of this hypothetical company do not follow nor recognize any applicable employment or working condition laws. For example, you cannot demand accommodations to allow additional breaks due to a medical condition. 3) the office building contains small lockers where you may store personal items (keys, wallets, jackets etc.). Upon entering the building, you must place your personal belongings into this cubby and you cannot access these items until your shift is over. Fun loopholes yall have found: 1) Building a “nest” of extra articles of clothing (scarves, sweaters, etc.) to create a makeshift bed. You are only allowed to bring clothing into your office, but my post makes no mention of leaving things behind. You could, for example, wear a sweater everyday and leave it behind at the end of the day. After a while, you could tie them together to build some sort of makeshift bed. 2) Using articles of clothing to block out light. My original post states you may not destroy the room, but it did not say you aren’t allowed to alter the room. You could, hypothetically, bring a scarf to the office and use it to block the light and create better sleep. Fun things to consider: 1) Many have mentioned you can reverse your sleep and work cycles. For example, sleep during your shift and live your life during the nights. This is certainly possible, but your sleep would likely be very poor quality, as you’re sleeping on the floor in a bright room with no pillows or blankets. 2) The automatic firing rule. Remember if you break ANY rule at any time, even unintentionally, you will be fired and you must pay $500k. This is a huge risk. What happens if you bring a cough drop in your pocket by accident? Take an extra 30 second break? You would be fired and forced to pay $500k. Alternative hypos to consider: 1)You can amend your employment contract where, for double your yearly salary (so $1 million / year), you will not be permitted to sleep nor take your eyes off the computer screen for more than 60 seconds, except for during breaks of course. A small sensor will be installed on the monitor that detects eye movement. The time begins when you enter your office. You are permitted to look away briefly (if you need to sneeze, cough, clean your glasses, adjust your seating position, etc.) and will receive an audible warning when you have looked away for more than 50 seconds. Failure to return your eyes to the screen will result in automatic dismissal AND you must pay $500k, as this would be considered a rule violation. Once this change is made in your employment contract, it cannot be changed. You can still quit, but the same rules apply (quit within your first year, owe $500k, and quit after 1 year, keep your salary). Would you add this term to your contract? 2)You may, if you desire, purchase additional content beyond what you already given on your computer. You may purchase a movie / film (released prior to 1950) for the cost of one week’s salary (roughly $9,500). The max length of any film / movie is 3 hours. You may purchase a song (released prior to 1950) for the cost of one day’s salary (roughly $1,900). The max length of any song is 5 minutes. A crossword puzzle cost 3 hour’s salary (roughly $720). Once purchased, these items can be viewed / played as many times as you like, and you cannot be refunded for these purchases. Would you buy any additional items? Would this stipulation change if you accept this job or not? 3)You may, if you desire, send a typed message to anyone with an email address. However, each message costs 1 hour of pay (roughly $240 if you make $500k / year). The message is limited to 1000 characters. You will be charged the moment you begin typing the message, and the message will be sent automatically if you do not click “send” within 2 hours from the time you began typing. If you receive a reply, you will be charged an additional hour worth of pay if you chose to open the response. The response is limited to 1000 characters. You may view past messages sent and received as many times as you like. You have access to a database with the name and email address of every human on earth. Would you ever use this feature? Would this stipulation change if you accept this job? 4)You may, if you desire, purchase additional items that would be permitted in your office. A single pen and 25 sheets of blank paper costs 2 weeks salary (roughly $19,000). A pillow or blanket costs 2 months salary each (roughly $76,000). A plug in FM radio costs 6 month’s salary (roughly $288,000). You can keep these items as long as you wish once purchased, and you cannot be refunded. Would you purchase these items, or would the ability to purchase these items change if you accept this position or not? submitted by /u/wehavetogoback8 to r/hypotheticalsituation [link] [comments]

Hey everyone! My name is Elliot and I'm a doctor of Physical Therapy with 1-hp.org that specializes in repetitive strain injury and works in professional esports in Los Angeles. With Silksong now available, our RSI Discord and Twitter mentions have been blowing up with reports of pain, some browsing of this reddit shows people here are dealing with it as well and I wanted to write this piece to hopefully save some wrists! Before you dive into extended play sessions, here's what you need to know about keeping your hands healthy. You're not alone, and this isn't just "getting older" or "part of gaming." These are preventable repetitive strain injuries (RSI) that can be addressed with the right approach. Understanding Your Body's "Healthbar" System Hollow Knight and Silksong require: Intense, repetitive button presses during difficult platforming Sustained grip tension on controllers/keyboards Long gaming sessions without breaks High-stress muscle contractions during boss fights How Your Muscle "Healthbar" Works https://preview.redd.it/qyhwookejfof1.png?width=711&format=png&auto=webp&s=36fe5cdaac67beff75fc362cb53bc8556fcf93c4 Think of your muscles and tendons as having a healthbar just like in-game. Here's how it works: Starting Capacity: Your initial healthbar size depends on your baseline tissue endurance and conditioning. If you're new to intense gaming or haven't been physically active, your healthbar starts smaller. Daily Depletion: Every click, dash, and nail swing gradually depletes your healthbar. The depletion rate depends on: Intensity: How hard you're gripping or pressing Duration: How long you play without breaks Posture: Poor ergonomics accelerate depletion Technique: Inefficient movement patterns waste "HP" Recovery Threshold: When your healthbar drops below a critical point, discomfort and pain begin. If you continue playing without allowing recovery, severe pain and tissue damage develop. Areas You Might Feel Pain https://preview.redd.it/niigr6t4kfof1.png?width=936&format=png&auto=webp&s=4713058779da1073c2df6c992fb0945b77745b2f These are the muscles / tendons of the forearm, wrist, and hand that are most likely to develop pain from overuse with a controller or mouse and keyboard. The areas highlighted in red are where you can feel the pain from muscle / tendon overuse. Depending on your input device you may be more likely to feel pain in different regions. Temporary vs. Permanent Solutions: Temporary: Rest, ice, and massage restore some immediate HP but don't increase your total capacity Permanent: Only consistent endurance training permanently increases your healthbar's maximum capacity Why Muscle Endurance Matters More Than Strength Most gamers don't need to lift heavy weights (for gaming that is - most people benfit from strength training) - they need muscles that can handle thousands of small, repeated movements without fatigue. This is why: Endurance Training Benefits: Increases your tissue's capacity to handle repetitive stress Improves blood flow to working muscles Enhances your nervous system's efficiency in recruiting muscle fibers Builds structural strength in tendons and connective tissue The Adaptation Timeline: Weeks 1-2: Nervous system learns to use muscles more efficiently Weeks 4-6: Muscle fibers adapt and endurance improves significantly Weeks 8+: Tendons and connective tissue become structurally stronger When your endurance capacity exceeds the demands of gaming, you can play longer periods pain-free. The Science: Why Stretching Alone Won't Save You Common myth: "Just stretch and rest" Reality: You need to build endurance in your wrists and hands. Think of it like this: Load (gaming intensity) > Endurance (tissue capacity) = Pain & Inflammation Solution: Increase your tissue endurance through specific exercises https://preview.redd.it/7c73mb4qkfof1.png?width=1272&format=png&auto=webp&s=a1af939bc43218c70c5caf9f62a34301eb06f7c4 Stretching provides temporary relief, but only endurance training prevents future injury. Daily Exercise Routine for Prevention General routine designed to target the most muscles with the fewest stretches and exercises, more specific pain patterns may require some different exercises but this is a great prevention routine. Daily Prevention Protocol (10-15 minutes) Stretches (2-3 minutes) Wrist Flexor Stretch (Video) - 30 seconds each hand Wrist Extensor Stretch (Video) - 30 seconds each hand Isometric Exercises (5-6 minutes) Wrist Flexion Isometric (Fingers Open) (Video) - 3 sets, 45 seconds each Wrist Extension Isometric (Fingers Open) (Video) - 3 sets, 45 seconds each Endurance Training (5-7 minutes) (Pick a weight that feels ok but challenging for 30 reps you shouldn't have pain doing this if you have pain stop the reps) * Wrist Extension Metronome (Video) - 30 repetitions * Wrist Flexion Metronome (Open Fingers) (Video) - 30 repetitions Guidelines Before Gaming Sessions: Complete the exercise routine above Warm up with 5 minutes of easy gaming Check your setup: neutral wrists, proper chair height During Gaming: Take 5-minute breaks every 45-60 minutes Do quick wrist circles and finger flexes during loading screens Notice early warning signs: tingling, aching, stiffness After Gaming: Do the stretching portion of the routine Rate your pain 0-10 and track patterns Red Flags: When to Stop and Seek Help Stop gaming immediately if you experience: Numbness or tingling that doesn't go away within 30 minutes Sharp, shooting pains Weakness in grip strength Pain that wakes you up at night Symptoms that persist for more than 2-3 days Timeline for Results Week 1-2: Nervous system improvements, less fatigue Week 4-6: Noticeable strength and endurance gains Week 8+: Significant tissue adaptations, robust injury prevention Consistency is key! Do these exercises 5-6 days per week for best results. Remember: Prevention Is Key The game will be just as challenging and rewarding when you can play it pain-free for years to come. Take care of your hands - they're your most important gaming tools. Play responsibly and enjoy the game! submitted by /u/elliot226 to r/HollowKnight [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/guyoffthegrid to r/interesting [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/icey_sawg0034 to r/HistoricalCapsule [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Total_Dumb_9559 Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest My husband is leaving me for a younger woman, and all I can think about is the house décor. Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: infidelity, emotional abuse and manipulation Original Post: August 8, 2025 I made this account because my main one has my friends on it and I’m way too embarrassed to be known as the cheated-on wife. I’m 34F, married for 7 years to my husband (41M), together for 10. I love my husband and always thought he felt the same about me. We built a life together. Eight years ago, he had severe anxiety and couldn’t sleep, so I would stay up with him, holding his hands and doing breathing exercises until he could finally rest. I’d go to work exhausted. I helped him find a therapist, I encouraged him to grow in his career even though he was afraid. Six years ago, I quit my job to take care of his mom who had cancer because he had the potential to earn more than me. While I was job hunting again, I got pregnant, and he suggested I stay home to take care of him and our daughter. So I did. I cared for him and I loved him. In December, he got a promotion, which meant more hours. I gave birth to our daughter in March. I went through a phase where I felt horrible fat, ugly and it was just me and my baby at home. He barely talked to me, always said he was tired, and that I wouldn’t understand what he had to say. If it wasn’t for my mom staying on video calls with me, I think I would have felt completely abandoned. I’ve been suggesting couples therapy since June, and he kept saying everything was fine. Now I feel like I’m nothing more than a mother. I used to read, study, be interesting. I wasn’t sexually frustrated or insecure back then. I used to have conversations about politics, music, books, art. I decorate our house myself with my own savings and it’s everything I ever dreamed of. I love my house. The colors, the furniture, my kitchen. It took me years to make it exactly how I wanted. I have the garden I always dreamed of, a vegetable patch I adore, and a hanging chair where I love to sit with my baby. Last week, he came home later than usual and I was happy to see him. I was in the living room playing with our daughters. He asked the older one to go to her room. He seemed like he had been drinking and then said, “I love you so much, but I don’t want to be with you anymore.” He told me I wasn’t the person he fell in love with anymore. Then he said he was in love with a girl from work, that she was everything he’d ever dreamed of, and that he needed to give himself the chance to live that love without guilt. Yes, he cheated on me with a 22 year old. When I finally managed to speak, the only thing that came out was, “But what about my home décor?” At some point, I picked up my baby and started shouting things like, “I put time into this house! I did everything it needed! This house is mine!” We argued because apparently I didn’t value his suffering enough. I don’t know why I kept talking about the house. I guess I’m disposable. I’m 34, with a 4 month baby and a 4 year old daughter. I don’t have a job. I’m going to lose my dream home. I feel ugly, fat, and he’s told me he’s not attracted to me anymore because I gained too much weight during my last pregnancy. Edit: I’m going to talk with his mom and brother about the divorce today. I’m starting with them because they’re close to me, and his brother went through a divorce over infidelity early last year. Also, his mom is very attached to me for obvious reasons, I was there for her during the worst part of her life, and his brother and I are also very close. I also texted my mom, and she’s coming here to stay with me and the girls, I hope she gets the visa to visit, and my dad, who’s American, will be coming to my state in 2 weeks. Edit 2: I talked to his brother about the affair and he leaving. He told me to find a lawyer (The same thing you all said) now we’re talking to a few lawyers today. I accepted the help because I have the girls with me, so it’s hard to do everything alone. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Im so sorry this happened to you. If you want the house you'll need to fight for it in the divorce. Of your husband was even a little bit decent he should leave it to you and your daughters so that the kids aren't uprooted. That's the least he can do for you if he wants to go build another life he'll regret. You're going to need resolve and a plan.... get evidence of his cheating and start building your case... OOP: I’m looking online for lawyers, but I don’t know what I’m looking for Commenter 2: Family law attorney in your area. Why should you move? In the US? You don’t work and he does? You are primary care giver to kids? Did someone tell him that banging a 22 year old was free? That was the most expensive thing he ever did. OOP: i don’t want to move. I’ve been living in the US for 16 years, but I’m from South America. Honestly, I’m scared, even though I’m here legally. Downvoted Commenter: Yeah so you wouldn't miss him? But just the house? OOP: I’m going to miss him so much, I love him and I gave so much of myself to him. i can’t even describe to you how much it hurts to take a hit like this it hurts so much that I don’t even think about how much I’ll miss him. I think about how I dedicated so much time to all of this, he wanted a second daughter and she’s here at 4 months old while he’s sleeping with a new girl. I’m in pain and I’m angry so angry Commenter 3: I think that your first reaction being about your home decor tells you everything that you need to know. Your relationship with him was dead and now you can move on to better things. He doesn’t deserve you or the lovely home you created. Downvoted Commenter 2: Leaving OP with a 4 month old is pretty shitty behaviour. But her response indicates to me that there wasn’t a lot of space for him in the relationship. She referred to it as her house, her decor, her vegetable garden. My marriage broke down for similar reasons, although, i didn’t leave for my secretary. It was pretty clear to me that my wife considered her role to be looking after the house and the kids and my role was to pay for everything. OOP: He didn’t want to get involved in anything related to the house. Neither taking care of it, nor maintaining it, nor giving opinions everything was whatever. Commenter 4: So basically you put him on a pedestal and made him your god and served him..neglecting your self and everything that made you who you are..now you are crying about the damn house and how unfair of him to do this to you? Wasn't unfair of you to abandon yourself for that man? If you abandoned you, why would he stick with you? And it is a waste of time giving advice here, you'll take him back in a second if he said sorry...I made a mistake.. You really will stay with him and fight for him until the end . When you should only focus on you...not him.. So do you want us to say ..how evil he is doing this to a perfect person like you? Oh but yeah..do couple therapy...can't lose that house! OOP: I neglected myself in many ways, really. Along the way, I may have changed, but everything I did came from the bottom of my heart. I took care of his mother because I cared about her, I had and cared for my daughters because I wanted to be a mother and it made sense for me to care for our children, and I took care of him because I like taking care of the people I love. But I had never even thought about how much I neglected myself until now, because I accepted so many things since I loved him and was busy with all of that. to be really honest, I didn’t even want to have my youngest daughter he was the one who insisted. I hope one day I can be as strong willed as you, and I hope you never go through this, because unfortunately it’s very easy to lose yourself in motherhood and in the role of wife, and I got lost. And no, I do not intend to get back with my husband, I’m afraid of losing my home and my daughters. Commenter 5: It's definitely a raw deal. Even though we're only getting one side of the story it shouldn't end like this. Best of luck to you and your daughters. It speaks to your character that his own family is on your side. Appreciate that fact and let it give you comfort in who you are. OOP: I have been friends with his brother for a long time, and he went through a difficult divorce, that’s why he is with me. I decided not to tell the rest of his family yet until we have a lawyer. Apparently, he hasn’t told anyone either   Update: August 15, 2025 (one week later) (Update) My husband is leaving me for a younger woman, and all I can think about is the house décor. Hi, I’m writing cause I feel pathetic, tired, I just want to skip to when this phase of my life is over. A brief summary of what happened this week, and I can’t believe I loved this man. My brother in law is staying at my house until my family arrives, and my best friend visits me every day. On Monday, my brother in law asked my ex to leave the house and, strangely, he actually listened to his brother. Since then, he’s only been tormenting me through messages. He wants an amicable divorce and keeps making proposals that only benefit him. I’ve been trying to stick to a routine, because I have two children and they need stability and apparently, I’m the only one willing to provide that. Yesterday he texted me saying he wanted to see the kids, and I agreed. He showed up after they were already asleep; I swore he wasn’t going to come. He arrived here at 11 p.m. with a document, wanting to talk about how he’d like to keep the house and pay me an additional amount for my share. I just stared at him without saying anything. I asked him to leave because the kids were sleeping. My brother in law added that it wasn’t the right time or place to discuss this and asked him to leave. I don’t know what happened to him, but this doesn’t seem like the man I married. He yelled at my brother in law, saying he was betraying him, that he wanted to “play house” because his own marriage didn’t work out???????? Then he yelled at me, calling me a lazy whore who wasn’t going to take his money. He said this house was his, and that his 22 year old girlfriend (Anne) told him I was going to try to keep the house he bought. We didn’t respond I just said he should leave because he was getting messy, and then he left. I don’t know why he wants the house when he can afford to buy another one. And I don’t understand how the person I married could try to trick me just to come out ahead in the divorce. I kept asking myself if this is the man I married he wants me gone, he wants the kids gone. He didn’t ask about the girls, about his own daughters. He didn’t see them or even ask to give them a goodnight kiss. To him and to Anne, we’re just an obstacle. Nothing more. I’m not even a person Relevant Comments Commenter 1: The 22 year old wants the house OOP: For sure, but she won’t even come close. + What makes me angriest is that it took me so long to get the house to look the way it does today. And now some girl comes along, and he just assumes I’m going to give my house to them? Commenter 2: Did he buy the house before you were married or did you both buy it after you were married? If he came into the marriage with the house, there isn't much you can do and he will likely get the house. If not, then you will probably get the house in the divorce as that is the home of the kids. I would suggest keeping all communications in text so that you have evidence of what he said. Keep a notebook as well to make notes of anything he does or say or doesn't do regarding the kids. If he says he will visit but doesn't make a note of it. This will help you in child custody. OOP: I paid part of the down payment, he pays the mortgage, but I’ve invested around 15% of the value in renovations and decoration. Commenter 3: Im so proud of you for standing your ground and protecting yourself and the kids. I think BiL has always known who his brother is (a selfish AH) and is helping you and the kids bc he knows how his brother can be. BiL sounds like a decent guy and I am so glad you have someone in your corner as you wait for reinforcements. At least you have your two babies and wont have to worry about custody. Please get therapy when and if you can so you have someone to process this with. OOP: Honestly, he and my best friend are the best. After four months, I finally have time to rest and get help with my baby. Do you know how good it feels to take a 40/50 minute shower just to relax? I had been alone for so long that I thought it was normal to do everything by myself. Commenter 4: So basically, you quit your job to care for HIS mom, and didn’t get another job to raise yours and HIS children, so you had to rely on HIM for income, and now this fucker who you gave up everything for his and his family wants to basically leave you nothing and doesn’t even give a fuck about his kids!?? Fuck. That. I hope someone will give you the money for a good divorce lawyer. What a fucking asshole. OOP: My dad is going to pay for my lawyer, my mom is also supporting me financially, and my brother in law has also offered to cover expenses if necessary What happened to OOP's BIL's marriage? OOP: The ex cheated and got pregnant. He had to rush through the divorce so he wouldn’t be listed on the child’s birth certificate. They were together since high school.   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/earthman34 to r/Snorkblot [link] [comments]

I’m a senior doctor in the NHS, and if there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it’s that the issues we’re facing aren’t the result of frontline staff failing to roll up their sleeves and trying their very best. Rather, much of the chaos, stress, and endless crises we read about daily can be traced back to a series of decisions made by the senior leadership team in NHS England (NHSE). These leadership choices have rippled across every trust, every specialism, and nearly every colleague I’ve met, shaping the daily experience of doctors, nurses, and allied health professionals in ways that are often detrimental to patient care. It is the NHS England leadership who either lobby Government for particular policies or are tasked with turning Government policy into reality and yet they are never held accountable and the Secretary of State for Health and Social Care catches a disproportionate amount of the flak. 1. The 2016 Contract and the Erosion of Continuity of Care Back in 2016, a new contract was imposed on resident doctors which was marketed (at least to the public) as an upgrade that would introduce a “seven-day NHS” and ensure consistent coverage throughout weekends. In practice, this was more about political optics than genuine improvement of patient outcomes. From my perspective, the most tangible change was that doctors suddenly found themselves spread more thinly across more days, with rota patterns becoming more erratic. One of the greatest casualties of this new arrangement has been continuity of care. Previously, teams were more stable. You’d have a consultant, registrar, senior house officer, and foundation doctor all working in tandem, often on a more predictable pattern. This allowed them to get to know each other’s strengths and weaknesses, to trust each other’s clinical judgements, and – crucially – to follow a cohort of patients through their admission, investigations, and treatments in a more cohesive manner. Patients benefited immensely from the stability of seeing familiar faces, and the medical teams built better rapport with them over time. After 2016, rotas were rejigged in the name of “efficiency,” with doctors spread out to ensure coverage for more days and more shift patterns. Whilst it might look good on a spreadsheet to have so many doctors rostered every day of the week, in practice it means patients are likely to see different doctors from one day to the next. As a result, the subtle nuances in a patient’s history can slip through the cracks. When I’m picking up a patient on the acute take whom I’ve never met before, and whose last review was by a completely different doctor on a different shift, there’s a real risk that vital details get lost in translation. It’s not that electronic patient records and handovers aren’t helpful; it’s that no system can replace the familiarity and context gained from following your patients day by day. Is this the fault of doctors? Not at all. We’re simply following the rota patterns allocated. The more fundamental issue is the design. And that design was orchestrated at the highest level by NHSE leadership, who prioritised a shiny political pledge over the realities of team-based medicine. Who were these leaders? Sir Bruce Keogh the then national medical director who was politicised for the benefit of the Government of the day. Sir Simon Stevens who enforced the imposition of this new contract dismissing the concerns raised by doctors and effectively ending negotiations. Danny Mortimer head of NHS Employers who lead the contract negotiations. Charlie Massey who was director general and advisor to Jeremy Hunt was then appointed CEO of the GMC, the doctor's regulator, and now also regulates Physician Associates. 2. The Decline in Ward-Based Teaching Another insidious effect of these contractual and rota changes has been the steady decline in the quality of ward-based teaching. In a system that’s perennially short-staffed, it’s all too common for planned teaching sessions to be cancelled at the last minute because of service pressures. Moreover, when teaching does go ahead, it’s increasingly dedicated to what many of us would call “soft” subjects. Instead of diving into in-depth clinical topics like chronic kidney disease management, pharmacology of drugs used in parkinsons disease, or the latest use of immunological therapies in autoimmune conditions, we’re herded into sessions on “resilience” and “leadership.” Now, I’m not suggesting that resilience or leadership are entirely without merit. Doctors do need to know how to manage stress, work with teams, and navigate complicated interpersonal dynamics. However, the pendulum has swung so far in the direction of these generic sessions that we’re missing out on the bread-and-butter clinical teachings that are vital to our competence. It is through competence and confidence that doctors will feel more resilient in the face of overwhelming sick patients. Ward-based teaching has always been one of the best ways to learn because it’s relevant, patient-centred, and practical. But the reality is that consultants are under such immense pressure to clear wards, handle overflowing clinics, and meet targets that there’s little time to do comprehensive bedside teaching for residents. The ward round becomes a fragmented task and finish rush rather than a learning opportunity. This is a shared experience up and down the entire country which can only be ascribed to national directive and another example of NHSE’s leadership pushing for throughput without properly considering the knock-on effects. They’ll issue edicts and guidelines about the importance of leadership and resilience, but they fail to protect time and resources for the fundamental clinical teaching that’s crucial for safe patient care. If you think things are bad now, you're in for a shock in 5-10 years time when standards will plummet even faster. Read this thread on the doctor's reddit - we are now in the ludicrous position where serious and time critical interventions like chest drains are just not being taught to doctors with many expecting not to learn the skill even by the time they are consultants. 3. The Disruptive Nature of Rotational Training One of the toughest aspects of training in the NHS – especially as a resident doctor – is the constant rotation between different departments, hospitals, or trusts. Typically, you might rotate every 4, 6, or 12 months, depending on your training pathway. The logic behind this system is superficial in theory: by rotating, resident doctors can gain a wide range of experiences and specialities, broadening their skill sets and understanding of medicine. However, the disruption this causes in team cohesion, patient care, and even mundane organisational processes can’t be overstated. Every time a doctor moves to a new rotation, they face a steep learning curve: Getting to know a whole new set of colleagues, from consultants and registrars down to nurses, ward clerks, and healthcare assistants. It is commonplace for entire teams to never even learn the names of each other. If you can't even be bothered to learn the name of each other, can you imagine how bothered you are to teach them the skills necessary to develop? Learning the physical layout of the new hospital, which can be labyrinthine. (There’s nothing quite like being bleary-eyed at 3am and utterly lost between wards because a sign for “Ward 14B” was missing.) Discovering the local policies and protocols, which vary surprisingly even within the same trust. One hospital might require you to book emergency theatre slots (CEPOD) via an online form, another might insist you bleep the on-call anaesthetist, and sometimes it's left unsaid who is responsible for liaising with a theatre manager which you can imagine causes operational chaos. This lack of standardisation across trusts and even across departments within the same trust can lead to delays in patient care. In an ideal world, there’d be national policies with clear, uniform guidelines on how to do something as critical as arranging an urgent theatre slot. Instead, you have local idiosyncrasies that waste time and can put patients at risk. As if that weren’t bad enough, rotational training also means that just as you start to gel with your team, you’re whisked away to another department. The result is a perpetual sense of upheaval and less invested team dynamics. Strong teams depend on trust and familiarity – intangible qualities that build over time. By forcing doctors to move on before that trust can fully cement, we end up with a series of disjointed groups that never quite learn to function at their best. The British Medical Association (BMA) have frequently and consistently asked for better training to make more efficient and productive doctors and this includes the infamous 2008 vote where they lobbied to cap the intake of students and ban new medical schools from opening. The more cynical commentators often cite this as typical protectonism to limit supply but the sensible arguments are there for all to see and indeed are being proven today by the mass doctor unemployment. The BMA has consistently asked for improvements, whether that’s prioritising clinical teaching, better induction processes, or uniform protocols across trusts. But the evidence is clear that the decision making and leadership of NHS England has been in direct conflict with the consultants who used to lead services and the experiences of resident doctors and look where that has brought us but more importantly I'll show you where this is about to take us. 4. Strikes, the Annual Winter Crisis, Morale and Retention Every winter, we hear about the NHS being on the brink. We see photos of patients stuck on trolleys in corridors, wait times rocketing, and discharges delayed. For some reason, NHSE leadership will seize on the nearest explanation that absolves them of responsibility as if Winter is an unpredictable event. NHS England's Chris Hopson blamed increased demand on flu and covid in 2023 rather than identifying the issues on capacity and providing solutions. Recently, they’ve pointed their fingers at strike action, implying that the workforce’s decision to withdraw labour was unreasonable and triggered the crisis, as if they were unaware of the year on year results of the National NHS Staff Survey showing only 69% think their immediate manager works together to come to a shared understanding of problems, 54% were satisfied with the recognition they get for good work, 33% felt that their work was valued, 31% were satisfied with pay, 51% felt involved in deciding on changes, 55% feel able to make improvements happen, 50% were confident that their organisation would address their concerns, and 46% feel able to meet the demands put on them. But if you compare the timeline, these crises occur year after year, well before any mention of industrial action. Even in 2025, which saw no major strikes at crucial junctures, we had a winter crisis that rivalled previous years. The pattern is clear: The absolute number of GPs has fallen by 12% in the last 14 years, the bottlenecks in A&E, the lack of social care support for step-down discharges, and the chronic underinvestment in infrastructure don’t spontaneously emerge because of a few strike days. They are structural and longstanding. Strikes, as disruptive as they may appear from the outside, are a symptom of deeper dysfunction, not the root cause. Doctors and other healthcare workers don’t strike lightly. They do so because they’ve exhausted other avenues for achieving safe staffing levels, fair pay, and workable conditions that ultimately serve patients better. Yet NHSE’s leadership often opts to frame these strikes as reckless or as the singular culprit for all that ails the NHS, rather than confront the uncomfortable truth that the system’s design is fundamentally flawed. The NHS Long term workforce plan retention section produces a fascinating rabbit hole that says an awful lot but does almost nothing. It talks about the "NHS People Promise" and links to "Retention hub: Looking after our people" which links to "Improving staff retention: a guide for line managers and employers" which links to this toolkit which in the "application" slide for examples to use the first link doesn't work, the second link is behind a pay wall, the third link cycles back round to policy-speake rather than concrete examples. Essentially it all boils down to, listen to your staff and be compassionate. But that is never translated into reality because there are no real examples of how to do this for managers and there is a culture set by the leaders of NHS England to not listen to their staff but to protect the reputation and integrity of the brand the "NHS". 5. NHSE Leadership’s Silence on Real Issues and Diversionary Tactics The most galling aspect of NHSE’s leadership, in my opinion, is how selective they can be with their activism. When a crisis is unfolding every winter in our hospitals, with staff stretched beyond capacity and patients receiving suboptimal care, we often hear very little from the top ranks. The National Medical Director and other high-profile figures often provide generic soundbites urging staff to “pull together” or promising to “review the data.” Yet, when it comes to the policies they actively promote and the paper trail leads squarely to their feet which are under criticism by doctors en masse sounding the alarm bell, they suddenly find their voice. A recent example is the coordinated response to a poorly written article in The Times, which criticised the debate around physician associates (PAs) and how toxic it had become on social media. NHS England’s leadership jumped on this, issuing statements about the need for civility and respect in debate. Here you can see the National Medical Director at NHSE Steven Powis's post on X and Chief Workforce officer Navina Evans' post on X. Both posts are filled with responses from the public and doctors alike pulling apart the article in The Times and providing evidence and context that is conveniently left out. Let’s be clear: civility is important. No one wants a rancorous, abusive conversation dominating professional circles. However, there’s a glaring problem here. The underlying issue with the deployment of PAs isn’t whether doctors are being polite enough in their discussions; it’s that these professionals, as they currently stand, are comparatively undertrained, and are being used as a substitute for fully qualified doctors in some settings. This can undermine the quality of care that patients receive and places an unfair burden on the PAs themselves, who aren’t equipped with the same level of clinical experience as doctors yet are expected to shoulder significant responsibilities. The fact that NHSE leadership coordinated a rapid response to defend the introduction of PAs, but remains conspicuously reticent on the core complaints behind ongoing winter crises or the eroding quality of training, speaks volumes about their priorities. Rather than addressing the legitimate concerns – which range from the safety implications of substituting doctors with less trained staff, to how this shift might exacerbate existing staffing shortages by diluting the workforce structure – they focus on condemning the “toxic debate.” It’s an exercise in misdirection that doesn’t solve any of the real problems. The whole experiment of associate professionals is laced with outrageous lies, deceptions, and espionage which continues to incite the medical profession. For example, there was a request on 20th November 2023 for an extraordinary general meeting of the Royal College of Physicians to debate and revalaute the role of PAs after it was discovered that PAs had been misleading colleagues and patients about their role, thousands of illegal prescriptions had been written, and mass amounts of ionising radiation requests had been made against the law. The EGM was supposed to happen within 8 weeks as per the rules of the Royal College however it actually occurred on 13th March 2025, conveniently after a parliamentary debate scheduled on 17th January 2024. In attendance Professor Steven Powis, National Medical Director, who has no elected role in the RCP, was offered the opportunity to answer questions directly by the chair, then president Dr Sarah Clarke who had to subsequently resign in disgrace. It has since come out that NHS England national leaders coordinated a series of communications and press releases around the delayed RCP events in order to influence the debate abusing their positions of power rather than their equal positions as Fellows of the Royal College. Most egregiously though was the presentation of the survey data that was so misrepresented and skewed that it lead to the resignation of the registrar. For those of you who want to see the EGM, it was recorded and posted on youtube here. If you do choose to watch it, ask yourself is this the toxic debate that is being painted? 6. Physician Associates: A Symptom of a Larger Workforce Problem The introduction of PAs into the NHS could have been a boon if done thoughtfully. There’s undoubtedly a role for physician associates to complement medical teams, helping with tasks that free up doctors for more complex work. Indeed both the BMA and the RCP have published scopes of practice that doctors are asking for help with. Instead, we’re seeing trust after trust recruiting PAs to plug the gaps in rotas whilst simultaneously NHSE Leadership say "PAs are not a substitute for doctors". NHS England leadership has got itself wrapped up in its own lies saying one thing but demonstrably doing another. When the leadership lie like this and can't be honest about issues, solutions, and strategies, they will never ever be able to deliver positive outcomes. A policy that can't stand up to scrutiny and has to be obscured by lies is not a policy worth having. But it's not just the NHSE leadership, it's also the previous DHSC advisor to Jeremy Hunt, now CEO of the GMC, Charlie Massey who is in a tangle. Originally the GMC said it would be for the Royal Colleges to set scope but then once they had, they backtracked over concerns that PAs wouldn't be employed. The regulator of course not being an employer but an institution that should be upholding standards. It is difficult to conclude anything else but that the regulator has been captured by political and institutional interests in pursuing the PA agenda. The answer is depressingly simple. Doctors have been leaving the NHS in droves, driven away by burnout, inadequate pay progression, punishing working conditions, and a training structure that’s chaotic and lacking in continuity. Rather than honestly confronting these failings, NHSE’s leadership has decided it’s simpler and cheaper to introduce a new cadre of staff in direct conflict with doctors' roles. Again, from the vantage point of a spreadsheet, you can see how it might look like a smart solution. But from the vantage point of a ward, it’s a short-sighted fix that could jeopardise patient safety and further demoralise doctors who see their roles being devalued. 7. Where Does Responsibility Lie? In many respects, the Government is ultimately accountable for setting budgets, national policy, and legislation around healthcare. So there’s no denying that the Secretary of State for Health and Social Care and the Treasury have crucial roles to play. However, NHSE’s leadership doesn’t get to shirk its share of the blame. They are the ones tasked with executing policy, drafting the frameworks for trusts to follow, and implementing changes to contracts, rotas, and workforce planning. When doctors complain en masse about unsafe staffing or the decimation of continuity of care, the leadership could – if they had the will – use their influence to advocate for meaningful reforms. Afterall, any effective policy needs buy-in from the people on the ground who will be the ones implementing and delivering it. Unfortunately, we’ve seen time and again how NHSE’s leadership has either stayed silent or offered only cosmetic tweaks. Consider the following: Continued rota gaps: Instead of genuinely negotiating the working patterns in the 2016 contract to ensure safer staffing, NHSE imposed the contract and allowed many trusts to rely on goodwill from exhausted staff and forcibly stab them in the back denying doctors leave for life changing events like weddings or even exams necessary for career progression. Inadequate teaching support: They issue edicts about needing more “in-situ simulation” and “interprofessional learning,” yet do little to ease the service pressures that crowd out teaching time. Deflection on strikes: NHSE leaders could have taken the lead in addressing staff concerns at an early stage, potentially averting strike action. Instead, they focus on public messaging that frames staff as obstructive. Multiple times the Government refused to come to the negotiation table and yet NHS leaders kept blaming both sides. Neglecting structural issues: From the disjointed rotation system to the glaring lack of standardisation across trusts, these are the sorts of large-scale organisational problems that national leadership could work to standardise or improve. But we continue to languish under disparate policies that cause daily inefficiencies. 8. The Human Cost It’s important to remember that these leadership decisions have a very real human cost. When continuity of care breaks down, patients suffer. They might have to retell their stories multiple times, or experience delays in investigations. Sometimes, an important piece of information about their past medical history or social circumstances might not get passed along properly. For doctors, the impact is just as profound. Our training suffers when ward-based clinical teaching is repeatedly cancelled or consultants don't feel invested in training resident doctors because they'll move on shortly. Our morale takes a hit when we’re constantly rotating, never staying long enough to form lasting relationships with our colleagues, or to see the fruits of our work with patients through to the end. Burnout escalates when the system feels more like an assembly line than a place of compassion and learning. I’ve seen colleagues break down in tears at the end of gruelling shifts, convinced they’re failing because no one actually cares about them. They feel completely isolated, undervalued, and the system is designed to literally replace them in a matter of months all while they're dealing with death and life changing illnesses for the patients they care for. I’ve witnessed promising resident doctors question whether they should continue in the NHS at all, or pursue a career abroad where their labour is valued and their training supported. Each time someone hands in their notice or takes a break from training, it’s a small but significant crack in the foundation of our health service. 9. What Needs to Happen If we genuinely want to address the problems in the NHS, we need to look squarely at the decisions coming from inside and at the top of NHS England itself. Here are a few suggestions that have been floated time and again by frontline staff and professional bodies, but have yet to be seriously tackled: Revisit the 2016 Contract: Evaluate whether the purported benefits of spreading doctors more thinly have truly materialised. If they haven’t – and there’s mounting evidence they haven’t – revert or modify the contract to allow for better continuity of care. Protect Ward-Based Teaching: Mandate and enforce policies that guarantee ring-fenced time for clinically focused teaching. Rebuild the team philosophy so that doctors are cared for by other staff. This must be recognised as service provision and an investment in more confident and competent staff who will be more proficient at treating patients in the future. Improve Rotational Structures: Whilst rotating can provide some value, it shouldn’t be so frequent or so poorly planned that it undermines team cohesion and patient care. Standardise certain protocols across trusts to minimise the chaos of adjusting to new systems every few months. Finally bring in this fabled NHS passport that captures mandatory learning on which colour fire extinguisher should be used. Address Workforce Retention: Instead of relying on quick fixes like PAs to fill gaps, double down on retaining qualified doctors by actually teaching them, increase the number of training posts and jobs available for career progression, competitive remuneration, and genuine psychological support from the consultants that they work with that goes beyond a token “resilience” workshop provided by some HR manager you'll never see again. Clarify the Role of Physician Associates: If PAs are to be integrated into the NHS, they must have a well-defined scope of practice and adequate supervision. They should supplement, not replace, doctors. Listen to the doctors and use the BMA and RCP documents which are what are asking for help with. Transparency and Accountability: NHSE leaders need to be transparent about the impact of their policies and be willing to share data openly. They should invite scrutiny of outcomes, rather than hiding behind carefully curated public statements that gloss over systemic failures. The public also need to take an interest in the individuals who are actually driving and implementing the policies that are leading to the failure of the NHS rather than solely blaming politicians. 10. Looking Ahead We’re at a crossroads for the NHS. As each year goes by, the pressures intensify, more staff leave, and public satisfaction declines. The blame game becomes more fraught, and those in senior leadership sometimes appear more invested in protecting their reputations than in rectifying the root causes of these problems. Reforming the culture requires the right people with the right incentives and disincentives in the right place and we don't have any of those things because the leadership either doesn't have the political courage to be honest and be scrutinised, policy expertise to create a more productive framework, or operational abilities to deliver the kind of compassionate environment they apparently desire. Yet, the NHS still has an extraordinary, dedicated workforce. Resident doctors, consultants, nurses, allied health professionals, support staff, and managers on the ground care deeply about their patients and about delivering high-quality care. They’ve proven this time and again, braving pandemics, winter pressures, and political upheavals. What they need, and what patients deserve, is senior leadership that has the courage to admit mistakes, reverse damaging policies, and engage honestly with those on the front lines to give them the tools they need. If we want an NHS that’s fit for the next 75 years, we need to confront the elephant in the room: the senior leadership in NHSE must be held to account for decisions that have fundamentally altered the structure of medical work, eroded continuity of care, and diminished the training environment. We can’t keep plastering over the cracks and blaming crises on predictable demand, pretend that introducing physician associates will magically fill the void left by experienced doctor, nor giving the NHS more money when there are clear and obvious reforms that can improve working conditions and productivity. True leadership isn’t about writing an article defending your chosen policies or issuing press releases in lockstep using contradictory terms like "dependent... but can also work independently" when the national conversation turns inconvenient. It’s about listening to feedback from the trenches, taking responsibility for missteps, and fighting for the resources and policy changes that will sustain both staff wellbeing and patient outcomes in the long run. Final Thoughts I know a rant on Reddit might not change the world overnight, but all too often conversations about the NHS boil down to "it needs more money" or "it's a black hole for money" or "privatisation" or "too many managers". I hope this post can spark a more specific conversation about some specific examples of the kinds of things that are going wrong and some solutions that could help as well as highlighting some of the irritating and frustrating circular logic that managers use. Many of us genuinely want to stay in the NHS and make it work. We believe in the principles of a healthcare system free at the point of need. But unless those at the top start owning up to their role in the slow-motion collapse we’re witnessing, it’s hard to be optimistic. If you’re reading this and you’re part of that senior leadership, I challenge you to set aside the spin and politics, to step out onto the wards and clinics more regularly, and to speak with staff at every level. Hear what they’re saying about rotas, continuity of care, training, and workforce gaps. Acknowledge how poorly some of these initiatives – especially the 2016 contract changes – have served patients and staff. Re-read The Tooke Report and "The Role of The Doctor" - most of us agree with that definition so equip us with the tools, actually build strong teams that stay and grow together in the spirit of excellence, and reap the dividends of a happy workforce. Then, and only then, can we begin to rebuild a system that actually lives up to the ideals upon which the NHS was founded. Until that day comes, we’ll keep calling out the problems and hoping that, somewhere in the corridors of NHSE’s headquarters, someone is listening and willing to do something different. Because if we allow the current trajectory to continue, we risk losing the heart of the NHS altogether: the dedication and expertise of those who work within it, and the trust of those who depend upon its care. submitted by /u/Bacon_flavoured_rain to r/unitedkingdom [link] [comments]

Look, I have always been fat, and always will be. But damn this is too much. I am at the end of my seat belt. Steering wheel touches my belly. Chairs with arms are painful. Joined the gym 4 days ago, have gone every day so far. Tried to sit in the exercise bike and learned I have lost the ability to lift and bend my knee to get it on the pedal. That was so devastating. Can't even get into the bike. Went into the bathroom crying. My legs are so fat they are too heavy to lift that far with my belly also in the way. My leg fat prevents my knees from bending that far. It was impossible. Ridiculous. For 2 days I went again and avoided the cardio machines, just did weight lifting machines. I am only spending a half hour to 45 minutes there. Today I braved the eliptical. I was only able to go for a minute and a half before I needed to rest. I did this until I reached 5 minutes pedaling, probably spent equal time resting. Man this is so discouraging. Just feeling terribly out of place at the gym. Working on my diet. Weighed myself and have lost a few lbs. This is rough, just looking for if advise or if anyone else can relate. Thanks submitted by /u/Unusual-Pair-9773 to r/beginnerfitness [link] [comments]

Connolly won an initial recommendation earlier this week from the House Democratic Steering Committee to lead Democrats on the panel in the next Congress over AOC by a vote count of 34-27. It was a close race and according to various sources Pelosi put her influence behind Connolly. Connolly later won by a vote of 131-84, according to multiple Democratic sources -- cementing his role in one of the most high-profile positions in Washington to combat the incoming Trump administration and a unified Republican majority in Congress. Connolly was recently diagnosed with esophagus cancer and is undergoing chemotherapy and immunotherapy; Perhaps opening the door for a challenge from Ocasio-Cortez. There have been more than 22,000 new esophageal cancer cases diagnosed and 16,130 deaths from the disease in 2024, according to the American Cancer Society). Did Pelosi do a disservice to the younger generation of the Democratic party by exercising her influence and gathering votes against AOC [35 years] and in support of Connolly [74 years, with a recent diagnosis of esophagus cancer] for the Chair on the House Oversight Committee? https://ny1.com/nyc/all-boroughs/politics/2024/11/07/rep--gerry-connolly-esophagal-cancer-diagnosis https://www.newsweek.com/alexandria-ocasio-cortez-loses-oversight-gerry-connolly-2002263 https://gazette.com/news/wex/pelosi-feud-with-aoc-shows-cracks-in-support-for-young-democrats-challenging-leadership/article_1dc1065a-10a7-5f20-8285-0e51c914bef1.html submitted by /u/PsychLegalMind to r/PoliticalDiscussion [link] [comments]

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