Dresser For Bedroom

... said "Let's go into the bedroom where I can suck you ... have some condoms in my dresser drawer" he said. "Let's talk ...

تم بيع الأثاث 1500 ريال النص الاصلي: غرفة نوم بحالة ممتازة عبارة عن سرير نفرين ودولاب وتسريحة A bedroom in perfect condition with a double bed, a walk-in closet and a dresser

... what appeared to be a bedroom, but beyond that corner was ..., absent herself of course. A dresser, a bed, and a small ...

... what appeared to be a bedroom, but beyond that corner was ..., absent herself of course. A dresser, a bed, and a small ...

... two of them entered the bedroom. That night, the two of... to their shoulders. Their bedroom was normal looking for a bedroom. At the far end... off-white, and there was a dresser pressed to the wall on ...

... the cool air of his bedroom caress his face. A shallow... to sit up facing his bedroom door. His brown eyes raked... placed it back on the dresser. He didn't bother making his ... about the mess in his bedroom, he simply found a pair ...

... turned and pointed toward the bedroom. "You'll take the bed, there... the right side of the dresser, but they may not fit." ...

... to buy the crib and dresser for her bedroom (we get 4-in-1 convertible...

... footage to fit her old bedroom twice over with room to.... Acceptable. Sports bra from the dresser. Hoodie from the back of ... the ceiling of her childhood bedroom back in Krey. Except back...

... footage to fit her old bedroom twice over with room to.... Acceptable. Sports bra from the dresser. Hoodie from the back of ... the ceiling of her childhood bedroom back in Krey. Except back...

New children's bedroom, custom made. One wardrobe, size 2.20 meters. Two single beds. One nightstand. One dresser. Original Thai wood. Includes delivery and installation. 2500 SAR.

... girl had pooped on the dresser just because she's scared to ... in the hallway between the bedroom and the hallway in the ...

... go. I moved about my bedroom and changed my clothes more ... the photographs on the nearby dresser. I especially avoided looking at...

... Full Bedroom Furniture Sets include Full Bed Frame, 2 Nightstands, 5-Drawer Dresser... and 6-Drawer Dresser, Modern Home Furniture. What's... Frame 1 x 5-Drawer Dresser 1 x 6-Drawer Dresser 2 x Nightstands...

... of this bedroom I can't de ide where to put the bed and the dresser. Any... is 40 x 80". The dresser in another photo is 18 ... door and 134" from the bedroom door to the opposite wall. ...

... into a gorgeous downstairs master bedroom, painted the entire room including... of the LR furniture, added dresser and all new bed/mattress...

... clean clothes on the bedroom floor IN FRONT OF his dresser and then says...

... a visible layer on the dresser. And the unused garden tub ... week too. Good points. My bedroom needs a good dusting and ...

... 21 يونيو النص الاصلي: Full bedroom set - can buy individual... (2) - 600 Dresser + mirror + chair - 400 Dresser - 200 Full...

... or white at this price Dresser with 4 Drawers - Fabric... Storage Organiser for Living Room/Bedroom, Wooden Top and Metal Frame... can be placed in your bedroom, nursery room, living room. 【Strong... back stops to prevent the dresser drawer from sliding out of... towels and linens. This slim dresser is perfect for closets, laundry... much space. 【Easy to Install Dresser】- Easy to assemble and ...

خزانة ملابس لغرفة النوم بـ 6 أدراج (درج كبير) مرآة متضمنة كرسي متضمن النص الاصلي: Bedroom dresser with 6 drawers (big drawer) Mirror included Chair included

... Mattresses: Master Bedroom Suite: King-size bed 2m * 2m, dresser with chair, 6-door.... Single/Guest Bedroom Suite: Large bed 160cm * 200cm, dresser with chair, wardrobe.... Kids/Youth Bedroom Suite: Two twin beds 120cm* 200cm, dresser with chair...

... placed on top of the dresser nearby, and a sleep mask ... door and went into her bedroom, Jubokko's knowing smile being the ...

.... We were in the one bedroom junior suite, which was perfect... desk with chair and a dresser. There was a mini fridge ... out. The separate bedroom had a king bed, a big dresser and a second...

... 56.85" Wide 6 Drawer Dresser, Alabaster and Light Honey Finish... farmhouse style suitable for various bedroom decors. The spacious top surface...

I grew up sharing a room with my sister, but eventually I basically stopped having a room at all. She was unbelievably messy. The only visible carpet was a narrow path between her bed, dresser, and the door. She’d borrow the car we shared without warning, steal my money, stay up late constantly, and make the room miserable to be in. Eventually I only went in there to change clothes. Most nights I ended up sleeping in the basement, waiting for my dad to finish his nightly TV routine so I could finally get some peace and quiet. I cried out of frustration more than once. So when my sister finally moved out, I was thrilled. The room became mine — and it was the biggest bedroom in the house. I cleaned it top to bottom until there wasn’t a trace of her left, even though she’d abandoned tons of junk behind. Fast forward two years: she moves back in. Everyone in the family was quietly wondering if I’d give the bedroom back. Absolutely not. She got the smaller room down the hall instead, along with the cat she brought home that now wakes everyone up at night while she’s out enjoying her nightlife. The petty revenge part? She still comes into my room because I have the best mirrors in the house, so I’ve started “accidentally” leaving random things in the hallway outside my room. Nothing harmful — just enough to make her mutter under her breath when she bumps into them during her trips to my mirrors. submitted by /u/Xievlous to r/pettyrevenge [link] [comments]

My fiancé and I bought and moved into our forever home a couple of months ago, and I’ve been working on combining our stuff and styles. Still things to do and add in the master bedroom, like swapping out the white wall plates for black, and adding a long wood shelf to the wall above the headboard for some plants and art. I’ve always loved history, historic homes, architecture, art, and design. So getting to live in such an incredible home and make it personal and beautiful is one of my lifelong dreams. I’m really happy with how it’s coming together. The bed and nightstands are from Thuma, he had it in his previous place. It’s a great bed, but we might replace it with something a little less MCM in the future. The brass lamps came from somewhere like Home Goods, and they each have two lightbulbs with separate switches…which means that at night I can switch on the red lights. The carved wood piece by the mirror is a monk’s bench from about 1849, and is a Jacobean revival. I got an incredible deal on it. Fireplace dresser and rug are from Amazon. Agate lamp from the Tucson Gem & Mineral Show. The jersey duvet cover is from West Elm, the Tiger pillow is from a local boutique, the patterned quilt came from Target, I think. Wallpaper is The Gardens of Jaipur from Mind the Gap. It’s hard to get a truly representative photo of it…it’s much more beautiful, subtle, and playful in person! submitted by /u/UrbanDurga to r/interiordecorating [link] [comments]

My spouse comes home during the day when I've taken off work to do things and I hate it. I don't know if this sounds as bad you you as it feels to me but it is truly frustrating. I (42w) work a 40 hour week M-F job sitting at a desk. I get home about 5pm. We eat out for dinner most nights and it falls on me to run to town and grab us dinner. He usually doesn't eat during the day and is hungry at 5-6 pm. Basically I get home and leave again within the hour, eat dinner, then pickup and do laundry or chill but after sitting all day its hard to get the oomph to start big jobs around the house. I simply maintain during the week and fully clean on Sunday (folding and putting away laundry, organizing countertops, cleaning toilets, sweeping under the couch). I never actually get time to tackle the big jobs that build up. He does not help with cleaning at all. A reoccurring thing that annoys the snot out of me is that sometimes in order to tackle big jobs I will call in to work and plan to do these things. Yesterday I had 2 big goals I wanted to accomplish. Go through my clothes and room and get rid of stuff I've outgrown (I had weight loss surgery and have been putting on pants only to take them right off and put them in piles on the dresser then forget which pile is which and its caused a huge mess) and fix the kitchen cabinets (a literal fucking mess where shit falls at your feet when you move stuff). So I didn't tell my huasband as he was in bed when I texted my boss but he usually works on Mondays, however if I had told him I don't think it would have changed what happened. I've tried that too. On Monday I wake up at my normal time and husband is at work so I crank up the music and start trying on pants. At around 10am I have finished the top on the dresser and am working on the rest of the bedroom where I've been cleaning the top but never getting to the deeper stuff like going through bedside tables or shoe buckets. I look up and my spouse is standing in the door. He asks what I am doing and I tell him I took off work to get some stuff done. I ask why he's home and he says he left work to hang out. Instantly I know what's happening because it happens alot. He goes into the living room and turns on the TV with the volume competing for loudness with the music I have playing on the speakers in the kitchen. (Both my bedroom and living room are off the kitchen) After a few minutes I turn off the music and I'm annoyed. Pissed really. I try to continue working but then he's asking about what I had planned for lunch. I told him I was busy. 30 minutes later he asks agin if I'm hungry. I said a little but I'm busy right now. He goes into the kitchen to cook himself lunch which smells up the house and makes my stomach start protesting that it's hungry too. I finish filling up the garbage bag I had been working on and give up. I go sit on the couch and start scrolling my phone next to this man who is now dozing in the living room chair. I can't clean the kitchen cabinets as there's no music and I'll be making noise. The vibe is dead. I'm so pissed off. I don't know whether he does this on purpose or he's just clueless. I want to tell him to GTFO of his own house. I want to yell and scream and tell him he layed around all Sunday and that this was supposed to be my day. That mentally I NEED this day to make life feel worth living again. That I love him but I hate him being home today. It feels like he does this on purpose but I don't know. Maybe its because I choose Mondays to do this and its just random that he comes home. Maybe he checks Life360 and sees I am home and wants to extend his weekend. I don't know if he knows how much this annoys me. I don't know. I do know that if I tell him I wanted to house to myself he will get huffy, will leave for an hour or 2 then come right back. I do know he's not trying to make any moves on my sexually at all. I do also know that it makes me feel like beating him with a broom, like a rage that I'm not over even today. Why does he do this?!? Also how do I tell him this makes me so mad I want to punture him with a fingernail file. Why does this make me so mad?! Why can't he take a hint when he sees me knee deep in the middle of these tasks and bugger right the fuck off?! I've wasted half a day. I could have been working at work and not wasted a PTO day or I could have been finally getting to those chores that are stressing me out so badly. Instead I spent the day daydreaming about physically assaulting the man I love. It's the next day now and I'm still pissed and stressed. I know half the comments are going to say he should be helping. The other half will say I should communicate. my answer to those comments are that I don't want him in my way 'helping' and I also dont want to tell him to get out of his own house. I want him to take a hint. submitted by /u/ambertheshortest to r/TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]

This was not intentional. I was cleaning the bedroom last weekend, had a used dryer sheet sitting on the dresser from earlier in the week, and picked it up to throw it away while I was passing the baseboard heater. I don't know why I did this but I just kind of dragged it across the front of the heater as I walked by, not even really paying attention, and looked down and there was a clean stripe through what I can only describe as a truly impressive amount of accumulated dust and hair. I went back and did the whole thing properly and it took maybe a minute and a half. The dust didn't scatter into the air the way it does when I try to vacuum the baseboards, it just clung to the sheet. I have three of these heaters in my apartment and all three have been a source of low grade guilt for probably two years because I could never figure out how to clean them without making the situation temporarly worse by sending dust everywhere. I tried a vacuum attachment, I tried a damp cloth which just smeared everything, I tried one of those flexible duster wands which was better but still sent a lot of particles into the air. The dryer sheet grabbed everything and held onto it. I went and bought a box of the cheapest unfragranced ones I could find specifically for this purpose. I did all three heaters in under six minuts total. I realize this is a very small thing but it genuinely improved my week and I felt like I needed to tell someone who would understand why that matters. submitted by /u/Hazegrid_9 to r/CleaningTips [link] [comments]

My wife (42F) and I (40M) have been married for 18 years. Over the past six years our financial situation has improved, and we’ve moved into a larger home with more nice things. During that time, she began accumulating piles of items in our bedroom that she says “need to be dealt with later.” These piles now take up about 80% of the floor space. I have to shift things around in order to open my dresser drawers. The only open space is on my side of the bed. There are no issues with rot, smells, or bugs, and the clutter does not extend beyond our bedroom and closet. She also does not want me to touch it. One October, I convinced her to clean the room. For 3 days I took full responsibility of the kids so she wouldn’t be interrupted. She later said it felt wonderful to have the room clean and even offered to make it a yearly routine. The following October, when I reminded her of that offer. She said she wasn’t going to clean it. She feels It is her space, so I have no right to comment. I disagreed, feeling that it is our shared space and that the chaos is uncomfortable to live with. I read a quote that said something like, "If your wife is angry, buy a boat. You'll still have an angry wife, but you'll also have a boat." So later, after an unrelated argument, she was quite pissed off and left on a long hike. During that time, I moved everything from the bedroom onto a tarp in the garage. When she got home, she was mad about this too. Over the next couple days, I sorted the stuff into 8 piles ranging from obvious trash (about two street cans worth) to items that were clearly worth keeping. I asked her to approve everything and gave her the final say on where everything went. I donated the donate piles; I sold the consignment-kids-clothes piles; and I put the keep stuff away. This year, I told her I plan on making this an anual event. If our room is not clean at least once by October 15 each year, I will clean it myself. I emphasized that I am only asking for the room to be clean one day each year. I feel that is more than a fair compromise. She was upset but ultimately did clean it. She feels that's too controlling. Am I the asshole for insisting our room gets cleaned every year. submitted by /u/Moderate_Bones to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

My husband (30) and I (32) are newlyweds. Shortly after getting married we got pregnant and I just had my son last month. My husband and his parents immigrated to Canada when he was around 10 years old. His parents live across the country and have been planning to come visit for two weeks in the new year, although they keep changing the dates. Earlier this week while we were all FaceTiming she announced that they were coming to stay for 2 months, which was a huge surprise as we only ever discussed having her for two weeks. When they visited over the summer we all talked about their visit post partum and decided they would need to stay elsewhere because we have a two bed one bathroom apartment. It is very small and my sons room will not fit a bed or mattress, just his crib dressers and toys (he still sleeps in our room in his bassinet but his furniture is all assembled in the nursery). Because his mom decided (did not ask just told us) to come for two months she assumed she could stay with us as her husband will only be joining the last week of the trip due to work. My husband and I discussed this and I said that will not work for me, we only have two bedrooms and a very small home, I’m not comfortable with her staying on our living room floor for two weeks let alone two months. The baby and I get up early and that is his space to play and we have a routine. My husband would not listen to this, and said if his mom wants to stay here she can. I was firm that was not going to work for me. Now it’s important to say that my husbands brother lives in the apartment complex next to us, literally next door. He also does not have an extra bedroom for her but a big spacious living room and it would be much easier. The brother also works away so out of the two months she is here he will be away one month she will have the place to herself. I asked my husband if she can stay there. I took it upon myself to send a very kind message to his mom that also expressed my boundary. I let her know we are very excited to learn she will be here for a few months and it will be amazing for our baby to spend so much time with his gramma, and I look forward to doing fun stuff together as a family with the baby every single day. I then said it would be wonderful if she can stay next door either the brother so she would be nice as close. I did not explicitly say she cannot stay here but ofcourse it is implied. She called my husband making a big deal and said I’m rude and made her feel unwelcome. This caused an argument between my husband and I as he agreed with her, reiterating that if his mom wants to stay here we will have her. He told her as much too. I stayed firm that no absolutely not. He also knows this is simply a space thing, I’ve said many times if we had an extra bedroom I would love to have his mom come visit more and help with the baby. Although I mean come for two weeks not two months. His solution is that if there is no space for her then he will go stay at his brothers. Which means his mom and I would have to share a bed…….? I said that is absurd and he said I’m selfish and he is embarassed I would make his mom feel so unwelcome. I told him we can finish the conversation later because he’s at work and I have my hands full with a newborn. He essentially let me know if I don’t apologize and make it right with his mom (ie let her know she can stay with us longterm) him and I will not be on good terms. I refuse to accept that. His mom is not coming for a few more months and I am fully prepared to stay elsewhere for the two months she is here (with my baby) if they do not respect my request for some space and have her stay with her other son and spend the days together. I should also mention despite being on maternity leave I pay 40% of the bills and my name is on the lease. I have not apologized to his mom yet because I do not know what to say. Perhaps I shouldn’t have messaged her, however my husband made it clear she can stay as long as she wants and I needed to set the boundary. Any advice on how to address this with her (or him) would be appreciated. AITA I declined my MIL staying two months on our living room floor a few months postpartum? submitted by /u/ThrowRA55556752111 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/numbthrowaway12 Single father [38M] with daughter [17F], discovered she has a large amount of cash and I'm suspicious TRIGGER WARNING: Death of a loved one, fears of drug use MOOD SPOILER: Positive ending Original Post Dec 9, 2014 I'm a concerned father of a 17 year-old daughter seeking advice. Names have been changed to maintain some confidentiality. My background info: My wife passed away when my daughter was very young. I was still in college, but with the help of my parents, managed to finish college and graduate school while raising her. I've dated a few times since the death of my wife, but haven't been able to maintain a serious relationship due to my career and the responsibilities of raising my daughter. My relationship with my daughter, Sarah, has always been very good. Sarah shared my love of the outdoors so we used to go hiking, kayaking and camping together quite often. In the last year or so, she seemed to become interested in other activities at school so she hasn't spent as much time with me. I'm perfectly ok with that, she's growing up and coming into her own. Financially we're very secure, I've been fortunate to make a nice living in a career I enjoy, and the hours are pretty manageable. Despite that, I've tried not to spoil my daughter and make sure she understand the importance of work. In exchange for an allowance and gas money, she has to complete chores around the house as well as help our elderly neighbor (she's 90) with things like taking out the trash, getting groceries, etc. She's an A-student, participates well in school activities and used to be a girl scout until she was 14. Honestly, I've always been very proud of her. She was out with her friends Saturday to watch a movie. I had a contractor come over to replace a couple of windows in the house while she was out. Now, I've always respected her space, and she knew about this before hand. I ended up having to move around some of the furniture in her room and discovered a small box behind her drawers. Curiosity got the best of me and I opened it after the contractor was done, and there was about $3000 in cash inside! That's way too much money for her to have. After the discovery, I snooped around her room a bit and found some expensive brand-name clothing in her closet that I had never seen her wear before. Some were a bit too mature for my taste, but that's a discussion for another day. Since then, I've doubled checked my accounts to see if she had secretly taken money from my accounts, but no. I never carry much cash on me so she couldn't have stolen it from me. I don't think she's selling drugs, because I never found a stash in her room. She's not dating anybody as far as I know, so it couldn't be a boyfriend's money either. I haven't discussed the discovery with her yet, but I intend to do it tonight. Any advice on how to approach this subject with her? $3000 is a lot of money for her age, and I imagine she's spent more so we could be talking about $5000-$6000 here. I don't want to be too confrontational and would a way to bring up the subject so she feels safe enough to be completely honest with me. I'm so worried, I keep hoping she isn't caught up in something illegal that could jeopardize her future. Maybe I overlooked some signs? I'm freaking out and looking for your help here. tl;dr: Found a large amount of cash in my daughter's room. Not sure how to bring up the subject in a way that will encourage her to be honest with me about it. Any advice would help. RELEVANT COMMENTS Zorkeldschorken You need to talk to her. "I was cleaning up after the contractors left and found that box of cash under your dresser. That's a lot of money to leave lying around the house. It would probably be better to deposit that into a bank. How did you managed to save that much up, anyway?" Everyone's jumping to the worst possible scenarios (drugs/prostitution/whatever), but chances are it's perfectly innocent. She may be doing more odd jobs for other neighbors. Maybe the neighbor she's helping out has been giving her tips or more money than you're aware of. The fact that it was stashed in a box in her room is nothing to be worried about. She's 17. She's probably been keeping stuff in that box since she was a kid, and doesn't realize that a bank would be a better place. OOP Thanks for the advice, this seems like a good way to start the conversation. I don't want her to think that I'm snooping around in her bedroom and invading her privacy. I've always stressed to her the importance of dialogue and honesty, so I'm hoping she will come clean and it's nothing serious. ~ wombatzilla Does she work? I worked from the time I was 15 and I saved up enough money by the time I was 18 to buy myself a computer, a very nice film camera, and plane tickets / rent for an apartment. If she's been working that's really not that much money. Either way I think you need to just ask her about it and don't come from an accusatory place. If she responds in a secretive/angry way you know something weird is going on. If she's calm and has a reasonable explanation for it you know she's probably telling the truth. Edit: My daughter doesn't have a part-time job. She does have a savings account that I opened for her with about $1200 in it, which is why I'm worried she's keeping this money secret. She's accessed her savings account before to buy things like a new phone and camera, as well as gifts and other smaller purchases. She gets $50 a week in allowance, but if she wants to buy electronics or other things that she wants, it comes out of her savings. Any expenditure from extracurricular activities also comes out of her allowance. As for the neighbor, I've told her before that she does not have to give my daughter anything for helping out, since I'm already paying her via allowance. Edit2: The clothing were really high-end brands, like Gucci and Versace. By mature I didn't mean revealing or anything like that, just didn't seem like clothing a 17 year-old would want/wear. Also, I know $50 seems like a lot but we live in an expensive city, the cheapest takeout place near me costs like $9 just for lunch. As for my neighbor, she might be 90 but her mind is pretty sharp. I don't know why but I didn't think about her slipping my daughter cash here and there, so that's a possibility. The more I think about it, the calmer I'm feeling. I'll talk to her tonight and explain the circumstances of my discovery, and take it from there. Update Dec 12, 2014 (3 days later) I was signed into this account on my laptop and noticed I received PMs asking for an update to my post. So, here it is. I had a long talk with my daughter Sarah that night. I sat her down and described the circumstances of the discovery. I explained that I was worried because it's a large sum of money and I didn't want her savings to be stolen. Well, turns out the elderly neighbor, Anne, has been giving her cash for the better part of a year now. Anne wanted her to have the money to help with college expenses, and told Sarah to keep it a secret from me because I've always refused to accept money from her. Sarah also told me that part of the money was her own. She had been saving up for my birthday present and didn't want to put it in the savings account because, well, she'd have to ask me and it wouldn't be a surprise anymore. Later in the conversation, I brought up the expensive clothing. Those were throwaways from her friend's mother. Her friend is really tall so she couldn't wear them and gave them to Sarah instead. They needed some slight alterations so she hasn't worn them yet. I apologized for snooping and explained that as a father, I was obviously concerned for her well-being. I also assured her that we are financially stable and that I've put aside enough money for her college expenses. I told her to keep an eye out for Anne, to make sure that her welfare is not affected by the money she's paying Sarah. Also, I asked her to write a thank-you card to her friend's mom and to include a present for her at Christmas this year. After the revelations, I wanted to reward her for her savings habit, so I offered to start a checking account for her and we looked into the options online. Turns out, the bank I use offers a junior checking which I can co-sign (overdraft fees, etc) for her. It turns into her own personal account at 18. She'll have the use of a debit card, the bank also offers an online-based financial planning guide, so she will read that before starting the account. We're going to the local branch to set that up for her this weekend. Sarah seemed to reflect well to our talk. She took the opportunity to reveal that she has been in a relationship for a couple of months. I've actually met her girlfriend a few times before, they go to the same school and I just thought they were good friends so that was a surprise. So yes, she came out of the closet to me. Being a dad, I still verified the clothing story with her friend's mom. Overall, I'm happy it was just me dramatically overreacting. However, I do feel rather guilty for the minor panic attack I had. As a parent, it's astonishing sometimes how quickly your child grows up. Just another part of the learning process I guess. P/S: I didn't reduce her allowance but did encourage her to keep saving because it's an excellent habit. tl;dr: Money from neighbor, clothes from friend's mom, so she's getting her own checking account. She also disclosed she's in a relationship. Worst of all, my tortured soul is left wondering what she's buying for my birthday. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is Ok_Barracuda_5060. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole and r/AskDocs Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes for the rec Do NOT Comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. Trigger Warning: child abuse/neglect Mood Spoiler: positive ending Original Post: September 1, 2025 I have a 12 year old niece, Haley. Haley lives with her dad, stepmom, and 4 younger step siblings (2 boys 2 girls, don’t know the exact ages but they seem to be between 5 and 10). Her mom passed when she was 3. Haley’s dad and stepmom are not well off. They live in a 3 bedroom house so Haley shares a room with her stepsisters. The kids get 1 pair of shoes, reuse school supplies until they’re falling apart, and if their clothes still fit they don’t get new school clothes. I am doing a lot better but I refuse to help him with money because if I give him money with the direct instructions to get Haley some decent shoes or a nice jacket I expect the money to be used on Haley, not split between all 5 kids. He also dislikes me because he blames me for cps investigating him and his wife for leaving the kids home alone every day. Haley stays with me after school and sleeps over a few nights a week because I won’t drop her off if theres not an adult present and I told her not to get on the bus under any circumstances so they can’t tell her I wanted her to take the bus home that day. Haley and 2 of her step siblings needed glasses. Nobody was able to take Haley for her eye exam and to get the glasses so they asked me to take her and gave me $100 with the instructions to get the cheapest pair we can find. I was driving Haley to the eye doctor and she told me she really wanted contacts but her dad said no. I talked to the receptionist and they were able to get her in for a contact fitting that day. After her contact appointment we checked out the glasses and she found 2 pairs that she really liked so I told her to get both. I took her back after school a few days later and picked up a few boxes of contacts. Her new glasses came in a few days ago and she loves them but her dad is furious about the glasses, then he found out about the contacts (I guess Haley was keeping them in her backpack and never told him about it) so he told her she gets to keep one pair of glasses and everything else has to stay at my house because he’s sick of me and Haley rubbing her stuff in her step siblings faces. Haley responded by packing most of her stuff and walking to my house. Now she’s refusing to go home. CPS came for another investigation and was told by the kids that Haley doesn’t live there anymore, which is not helping my BIL’s case. Now my bil wants me to make Haley come back and stop spoiling her so she won’t rub it in her siblings faces anymore (her rubbing it in their faces means she put both pairs of glasses on her dresser but it wasn’t fair because the other kids could see it). AITA for getting her contacts and 2 pairs of glasses Some of OOP's Comments: Commenter: INFO: How much did the $100 cover? Did you pay for any overage? Who is going to be paying for the contacts moving forward? You? OOP: I ended up paying out of pocket for everything and told Haley to give the money back to her dad. He tends to have a “I paid for it so I can take it away” attitude so I didn’t want him to have any justification to take away one of her pairs of glasses. He confirmed that he got the money back. I will pay for her contacts. Commenter: NTA You had good intentions but unfortunately, unless you are willing to become Haley's guardian, you should abide by BIL's rules, which means that Haley has to keep stuff away from her stepsisters at your house. OOP: I am willing. I’m just waiting to see how this CPS investigation plays out. Commenter: [...] Also assuming that since Haley’s dad is your BIL, that it was your sister that passed away. Keep being there for Haley. It sounds as if her parents are leaving the kids home alone that she is expected to take care of them. OOP: Haley doesn’t care for her step siblings because I pick her up from school and told her dad I will not drop her off unless there’s an adult present and because she knows to walk or ride her bike to my house if they leave on weekends. Some more information: Haley’s mom is my sister. The fact that the kids are left home alone is the main reason for the CPS visit. Nobody watches the kids when Haley’s not there. I got her daily contacts so she doesn’t have to worry about cleaning them. She wears them and throws them away. She has drops in her backpack and at my house. Commenter: NTA sounds like you should also file for full custody. OOP: They won’t give it to me willingly and they’re in the middle of a CPS investigation at the moment so it would make officially getting custody tricky. CPS is aware that she’s currently staying with me and that she was previously sleeping over 3-4 days a week, was here every day after school, and came over most weekends to avoid being home alone with 4 young children. Step siblings vs half-siblings: I believe they’re all step siblings. I think the youngest is 5 and they’ve been married for 4 years. I did call CPS but I was not the only person that called. They leave the kids home alone from when the bus drops them off until sometimes after 10. Commenter (downvoted): [...] She's gone to your house, which she can't do. And are you telling her she needs to go back to her parents? What do you say to her about her dad, her step mom and her step siblings? You seem to be working against them. OOP: I haven’t told her she needs to go back to her dad’s house and her dad hasn’t come back to try to pick her up. I briefly spoke to CPS and they know that she’s staying with me and don’t have a problem with it. To a deleted commenter: I’m allowed to have a favorite. One of them is my niece. The other 4 are my sister’s husband’s new wife’s kids. That’s not remotely the same. To people saying she's too young for contacts: A 12 year old is able to handle contacts. We were told in the office that a lot of kids start wearing them around middle school. To another commenter: She knows no shower or swimming while wearing her contacts. More on CPS and being placed with OOP: We’re at a point where removal is likely to happen, just not immediately. The parents were told they had 6 months to get their shit together. They were given a list of things to complete and were connected with services to help. So far nothing’s happened and they have a little over a month left. Side Post: September 2, 2025 (Next Day) Title: What is wrong with my niece’s stomach My niece is 12 years old. She’s pretty tiny (4’8, 75 pounds) and has ADHD and type 1 diabetes. For the past month and a half or so she’s constantly complaining about her stomach hurting, her appetite’s decreased, she’s more tired than usual, she either has diarrhea or she’s constipated, and when she has to go to the bathroom she really has to go. We’ve been to the doctor 3 times. They did an ultrasound on her stomach which showed inflammation around her large intestine. Then she did blood tests and stool tests. She tested negative for every virus and infection ESR: 32 CRP: 1.4 WBC: 11.5 Red blood cell count: 3.8 Hgb: 10.2 Hematocrit: 38.7 MCV: 92 RDW, RBC: 11.7 Platelets: 472 Stool calprotectin: 640 The doctor said it’s probably IBS and that she may be getting her period, which could be triggering it or making it worse but I just have a feeling that something’s wrong. She’s staying home from school again today because she just doesn’t feel good and Tylenol isn’t helping. I don’t know what to do at this point. Edit: we’re officially adding vomiting as a symptom Update to Side Post: September 9, 2025 (1 week later) We’ve been in the hospital since Saturday. My niece got a colonoscopy on Monday and they said she has moderate-severe ulcerative colitis across her entire large intestine. They gave her a blood transfusion, now they’re starting her on a steroid, and when she starts to respond to the steroids they’ll put her on something that can be used longer term. Update Post: September 11, 2025 (10 days from OG post) Haley has been in the hospital since Saturday for either ulcerative colitis or Chrons. Her health insurance pretty much only lets her go to the county hospital and medical centers and even this is going to get expensive. On top of Haley’s stomach situation, she also has type 1 diabetes and adhd (the adhd is currently not being treated). We live 20 minutes away from one of the best children’s hospitals in the country for both GI and diabetes. They also have a great psych department and adhd clinic. This would be covered under my insurance. 35 minutes in the other direction is another world renowned children’s hospital that I would be able to send her to. I sat Haley’s dad down the other day and showed him how much I was paying each month for Haley between her health insurance premiums, her insulin, monitor, and pump, her EpiPens, doctors appointments, etc. and told him that I refuse to continue to pay out the ass for her to receive medical care that is subpar at best when, if I was her guardian, she would get some of the best care possible for less than what I’m paying now. After a long discussion and a lot of back and forth, he agreed to give me guardianship of Haley. We started the process yesterday. She will live with me but will see her dad every other weekend and holiday. We talked to Haley about it today. She is very excited to officially live with me. Some of OOP's Comments: To a removed commenter: She doesn’t consider me a hero. Once we get back to normal she’s going to start hating me again for making her stay with a babysitter or for packing her a healthy lunch instead of getting her McDonald’s like her friends mom. Commenter: 🌈 Parenthood🌈 Dislike, but care, in the short term will always equal health and respect in the long term. Keep it up, auntie! OOP: I like to say she secretly tolerates me. Commenter (downvoted but I liked OOP's response): Ok. So you are using your wealth to take guardianship. You didn't need to do this in order to proffer the better treatment. You made him choose between having legal guardianship and better care. If there were changes you wanted to facilitate you could have and still has the responsibility not to mention legal power of decision making up to him. And I less you had a real reason to want him to relinquish it.... I think this is either half baked rage bait or being written by the other party OOP: I did. If I get guardianship I’m able to put Haley on my insurance. Putting Haley on my insurance gives her access to world class medical care for less than what I’m currently paying. Speaking of me paying for medical care, I already pay for Haley’s health insurance premiums, her insulin, her glucose monitors and insulin pumps, her glasses and contacts, doctor copays, labs, and everything else that comes up. Additionally, I contribute towards her father’s mortgage, I occasionally help with utilities, I’ve sent grocery gift cards to the house before. This man is not able to provide for his daughter and I was sick of paying this much for her to still not be adequately cared for so I sat him down, showed him all that I was doing, and told him to do it himself and take care of his kid or give her to me or let me do it. I’m not going to pay for subpar healthcare, inadequate nutrition, cramped living spaces, etc. anymore. Editor's note: Marked as concluded because OOP will have guardianship of Haley. submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I have a 12 year old niece, Haley. Haley lives with her dad, stepmom, and 4 younger step siblings (2 boys 2 girls, don’t know the exact ages but they seem to be between 5 and 10). Her mom passed when she was 3. Haley’s dad and stepmom are not well off. They live in a 3 bedroom house so Haley shares a room with her stepsisters. The kids get 1 pair of shoes, reuse school supplies until they’re falling apart, and if their clothes still fit they don’t get new school clothes. I am doing a lot better but I refuse to help him with money because if I give him money with the direct instructions to get Haley some decent shoes or a nice jacket I expect the money to be used on Haley, not split between all 5 kids. He also dislikes me because he blames me for cps investigating him and his wife for leaving the kids home alone every day. Haley stays with me after school and sleeps over a few nights a week because I won’t drop her off if theres not an adult present and I told her not to get on the bus under any circumstances so they can’t tell her I wanted her to take the bus home that day. Haley and 2 of her step siblings needed glasses. Nobody was able to take Haley for her eye exam and to get the glasses so they asked me to take her and gave me $100 with the instructions to get the cheapest pair we can find. I was driving Haley to the eye doctor and she told me she really wanted contacts but her dad said no. I talked to the receptionist and they were able to get her in for a contact fitting that day. After her contact appointment we checked out the glasses and she found 2 pairs that she really liked so I told her to get both. I took her back after school a few days later and picked up a few boxes of contacts. Her new glasses came in a few days ago and she loves them but her dad is furious about the glasses, then he found out about the contacts (I guess Haley was keeping them in her backpack and never told him about it) so he told her she gets to keep one pair of glasses and everything else has to stay at my house because he’s sick of me and Haley rubbing her stuff in her step siblings faces. Haley responded by packing most of her stuff and walking to my house. Now she’s refusing to go home. CPS came for another investigation and was told by the kids that Haley doesn’t live there anymore, which is not helping my BIL’s case. Now my bil wants me to make Haley come back and stop spoiling her so she won’t rub it in her siblings faces anymore (her rubbing it in their faces means she put both pairs of glasses on her dresser but it wasn’t fair because the other kids could see it). AITA for getting her contacts and 2 pairs of glasses submitted by /u/Ok_Barracuda_5060 to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Neftes-20 My dad (60M) is adding something to my food that makes me (25M) sick Originally posted to r/raisedbynarcissists & r/AmItheAsshole TRIGGER WARNING: Poisoning, manipulation, abuse, corruption MOOD SPOILER: Infuriating Original Post June 21, 2025 I (25M) was suffering from bloating and vomiting from December 2024. After 4 months of consulting 5 different physicians (including Gastro), 3 endoscopies and multiple tests, they arrived at the diagnosis of Crohn's with stricture at the junction of duodenum & jejunum. After the diagnosis, I found that I had became intolerant to rice and potatoes. My mom and grandmom understood the disease after I explained it to them, but my dad's opinion was that this was not a disease and "It's all becoz u ate lot of lemons, 3 years ago". After completing the meds and avoiding the specific trigger foods (rice, potatoes), I went into remission. Around 2 weeks back, I had a flare-up which kept on increasing in severity everyday. Me and my mom saw my dad was adding something like powder to the milk before I drank it. There was no taste or odor change in the milk thou. We had suspicions that he was also adding something to the salt and sugar in kitchen. So I stayed in my Granny's place for a few days. During the stay I had no symptoms, not even pain or bloating. Meanwhile my mom threw away everything that was suspicious and bought everything new. I returned back to my home, we are being very careful in locking everything in kitchen and ensuring only we have access to them. After doing all this I feel better and we have seen my dad trying to pry open the things we locked. There are 2 other things that bothered me during this time which may or may not be related. Just 2 days before my flare-up, I informed that I got selected for Masters in Europe and my dad and elder brother hated that and were against it. When I said I will be going there, he replied "Something unexpected may happen and your plan may fail" Before this recent Flare-up, there was a incident when like this time my dad was doing something in kitchen (My dad never uses the kitchen). I took a sip of the milk later and there was a strong taste of rust. So I threw it out entirely & didn't think much of it. I asked about this issue in r/CrohnsDisease around 10 days prior & intended to publish this story here too but couldn't. Here are the events that happened after that. I forgot to lock a jar of cookies inside the cabinet, ate them the next day & got sick again. My mom's coffee has tasted weird multiple times and she also got sick after drinking it too. My Dad broke into the locked kitchen cabinet and the refrigerator. We replaced all the things there and shifted them to my granny's Home. Me & my mom are travelling to my granny's home for every meal. We also have suspicions that my brother knows about this and chose to ignore as he visited home and avoids eating anything at home. We are taking careful steps to confirm these. (I don’t want to get into too much detail, but we are trying to get solid evidence before doing anything further.) Let me know if I’m overthinking, or what steps I should take next. I feel very unsafe and emotionally drained, but I just want to make sure I’m not losing perspective. (Note: I originally posted this initially in r/relationship_advice, but it was removed. I'm sharing it here because I still need support, and this has been a very real and painful experience.) AITA for refusing to give my dad and brother updates about my Master’s? June 21, 2025 I (25M) got into this dream Masters by my own effort on April, despite my health issues. The tuition for this program is actually very minimal, which is rare for a international Masters programs. I told everyone close to me, starting with my parents, elder brother, friends, close relatives(aunt & uncle) and some professors from my bachelors. My Dad (60M) was initially open to me going there but changed his decision soon after talking to my brother. He told he likely won't be able to sponsor my masters. So I applied to a scholarship and was following up on it. I also applied for an education loan. My elder brother (30M) was totally against it saying he didn't like it and even said "Are you going to beg in that country after doing this degree?". My mom and relatives on her side (Granny, Aunt, Uncle) were totally overjoyed & loved that I was able to get in this masters. My professors and other professionals in my field told it was a great opportunity and that it would benefit my career. I was working through all the administrative process and stuff by myself till today. My mom and relatives provided moral support during this time period and also tried to explain to my dad and brother that this is a good opportunity for me. Yesterday my brother showed up unannounced to our home and made my mom stay in my granny's home stating that he & my dad wanted to talk to me alone. They told me I was in the wrong to inform my close relatives about this masters and demanded me to update on the process till now. I told them everything, including the education loan & scholarship I've applied. They started nit-picking the course details trying to find any fault in the program but everything was well-detailed & had no issue. Then they told me whatever I did was useless and I did nothing in these 2 months. They told I won't be getting the scholarship or the loan realistically nor do they have any money to spare for my studies. They made it clear that they won't help in any process further but still want updates daily and need all the email I receive related to loan/scholarship/university forwarded to both of them. They instead want me to do a masters in this state next cycle / year. They told "Stop living in a dream" and accused me of being selfish for not thinking of the family or anyone else. So AITA for not giving updates or not letting them interfere in the process after this incident? For context: I was lucky to have completed my bachelors with almost full scholarship with a few minor expenses covered by my dad. I had move back to my parents' place and the money I saved up after that was spent very recently on my medical expenses. I made it very clear that I wanted to do my masters in this field. The masters program I got into is not available anywhere nearby (not even nearby states). Side note: There’s also a separate and very serious situation happening at home that made me feel unsafe. I’ve made a separate post about that, so I won’t go into it here. VERDICT: NO OFFICIAL VERDICT GIVEN (But was unanimously NTA in the comments) Update - My dad is adding something to my food that makes me sick and now wants me to forgive him? Aug 11, 2025 Hi everyone — I’m sorry it took me a while to update. These are my previous posts for context Post 1, Post 2. I’ve been reading and replying to some comments, but I wanted to share what’s happened since my last posts. What’s happened since: My relatives say I should meet him to secure my inheritance (legally mine) because it could help me in the future. My brother is pestering my mom to get me to talk to him. My mom and I relocated without telling my dad or brother. I cut off all calls and messages from them. We couldn’t gather much evidence except for: A white powder in our plates A microphone hidden under my mom’s bedroom dresser On the day we moved, I drank water from our house. Two days later, I had bleeding from my nose and mouth. Blood tests showed that both my mom and I had elevated, almost identical levels of Strontium and Vanadium. Our family doctor said the bleeding wasn’t from those metals, but likely from an anti-coagulant toxin (possibly a rat poison). I moved between friends’ places to recover and took the antidote for the anti-coagulant poison. Since I moved, my scholarship and education loan were both canceled & I’m almost certain through his influence. My mom gave me her savings, which will nearly cover my degree. My dad has been telling relatives he’s “sad” I’m not talking to him. My aunt and uncle (mom’s side, who know the truth) confronted him. He admitted the poisoning but claimed it “wasn’t meant for me.” They also asked why he wasn’t financing my master’s. He said he “felt guilty” and would fund it if I talked to him. My dad is calling and texting me now “I want to see you or talk finally last. Under-stand my position. if not you cannot see any more later.” I will never forgive my dad. But the inheritance is significant and could make a huge difference in my life. I’ve spoken to lawyers and the police — my dad has ways of wriggling out of legal trouble. Do I just talk to him, get my part of the inheritance, and then cut contact? Or is even that too dangerous to risk? RELEVANT COMMENTS Call the university about the scholarship The scholarship is not on the uni side but is by a govt-funded agency. They gave me a reason that they made a mistake and just told me "Why don't you wait for an year and try again". The words used by the person in-charge was definitely fishy. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Thick-Web1238 AIO - my roommates friends destroyed my stuff while they were drunk Originally posted to r/AmIOverreacting Thanks to u/queenlegolas u/soayherder u/theprismaprincess for suggesting this BoRU TRIGGER WARNING: Destruction of property Original Post July 14, 2025 context - I had been at my boyfriends place all day when I came home around 9pm to this perfume, a plate my grandmother had gotten me for jewellery and stuff, a plant & a decoration I had were all smashed on the ground I’m really sorry if the screenshots are confusing, they’re texts with my two roommates so I was trying to make them as non confusing as possible I didn’t block out the names of the two guys who done it, because It would have just made the whole story really hard to follow if you didn’t know who done what parts of it but i’m genuinely just really worked up about this whole thing? I know not that much stuff broke but i’m honestly just really angry about it Copy of the text messages TRANSCRIPT OF THE TEXT MESSAGES Roommate 1. OOP shows 2 pics of a destroyed room OOP: do you have any idea what happened to my room?? I just got back from [redacted] and things are just broken on the floor and everything that was on my dresser has been pushed onto my bed and one of my perfumes is just smashed on the floor RM1: No idea sorry and everything was fine Maybe ask chelsea?? OOP: what time is that? RM1: At around like 2pm Maybe an animal got in or something OOP: I don't see how that could have happened I'm actually so confused wtf i got the plate thing that's smashed on the floor from my granny to hold my jewellery and stuff I'm so upset RM1: I actually have no idea what happened When i left everything was fine OOP: ill ask [redacted] Roommate 2. OOP shows the photos to roommate 2. OOP hey do you have any idea what happened to my room? I came home from [redacted] and theres things just smashed on the ground and everything that was on my dresser has been pushed onto my bed RM2: Omg wtf??? have no idea I left around 8pm and everything seemed okay to me OOP: really?? I'm so confused what the fuck No other part of the apartment is smashed up it's literally only my room RM2: Ive genuinely got no idea sorry girl Banck to Roommate 1. OOP: [redacted] is saying she has no idea what happened either I am actually so confused RM1: Show me what [RM2] said** OOP show RM1 what RM2 said RM1: 🤔 🤔. [redacted] had a group of like 6 people over and they were all pre gaming Roommate 2 OOP: did you have people over today? RM2: Yeah just from like 5 until 8 when we left why OOP: [redacted] said you were all drinking IS that what happened to my room like was someone drunk and something happened If that's what happened can u just tell me RM2: Sorry I idn't know how to tell you OOP: okay well what exactly happened?? cause like what RM2: I had [redacted] for drinks, daniel and connor were already drinking before they got here so they were pretty tipsy At some point they asked me who my roommates were so I said you and after I said your name they Just started talking about how weird they thought you were and how they were annoying and they dont like you and stuff You were annoying* And they were laughing and stuff so l just thought they were joking but then connor got up and started walking towards the bedrooms and stuff and he asked me which one was yours and I told him And he went in there and it was just quite for like 30 seconds and then we all just heard stuff smashing Off he ground and we went in to see what he was doing And it was the stuff you sent me in the picture broken on the ground and allthe stuff on your dresser shoved off And it was daniel that broke your perfume When we all went in and daniel saw what connor had done he picked up a perfume that had fallen on the ground and just kept banging it against your wall until it broke And I tried to get them to stop but they just kept laughing and saying you deserved it Eventually we all left and went out to a club OOP: are you being fucking serious??? I've literally had about one fucking conversation with both of them why did you tell him which room was nine??? and why did you just let him go in?? that's so fucking weird like what And then you have the audacity to lie to me when I asked you what lappened?? If [redacted] didn't tell me you had people over you literally never would have told me Do they plan on paying me back for the damage they've caused?? multiple of my things are broken I genuinely don't give a fuck about whatever excuse youre typing for them I want everything they've broken either replaced, or the amount of money it makes up all together I don't even know if I can go down a legal route with this but i'm gonna find out Get me my money and i'm being fucking serious RM2: It only happened because they were drunk, they wouldn't have done something like that sober, I don't think they meant for it to get that bad And i would have told you eventually ljust didn't know how to bring it up Dont take any action yet please don't go to the police or anything OOP: get me the money or i'll send you a list of everything that's broken and they can replace it I don't care how you do it just fix it You literally didn't even bother to try and hide it?? you just left my with everything broken all over the place?? And i don't care that they were drunk that doesn't change anything whatsoever Whatever weird fucking thing they have against me doesn't explain any of this RM2: None of us have the money to replace that stuff That perfume alone is like 150 I don't even know what to do OOP: your friends came into my room and destroyed my stuff and you're complaining about not being able to replace it?? 😭😭. RM2: Look I texted them and said sorry And they said sorry* OOP: If they're that sorry they can say it to my face tell them to replace my shit or l'm going further with this whole thing RM2: Okay just give me a while to figure it outjusy don't do anything please Update 1 July 15, 2025 i’ll comment this here because it’s the most popular comment, I’m leaving to file a police report now, I was going to leave it a bit longer but people are telling me that is not a good idea so my boyfriend is going to drive me there now, I’ll update whenever I can Update July 15, 2025 hello everyone, I filed the police report a few hours ago & the police said that they would go and talk to all three of them, I had to wait a while before they had any information for me so that’s why it’s been a while. So basically chelsea gave the police a completely different story to the one she gave me, she said that everything she said to me was true apart from the stuff about the perfume Apparently daniel did pick up the perfume and started banging it against the wall, but he didn’t break it, he wasn’t able to break it so he handed it to chelsea and asked her to break it instead, and she did. They spoke to the two guys and Connor said that chelsea was the one encouraging them to break my stuff, apparently she even told them to break my laptop but they didn’t do it He said that he did get up and go into my room, and chelsea said to him while he was going in “don’t touch anything in there” in a really sarcastic tone apparently, and he took that as a challenge i guess?? Daniel also gave them the same story, that she was the one encouraging them to break my stuff & because they were drunk, they just did it I hope that’s everything & I didn’t forget parts, they said they’re going to do a follow up with chelsea because her story doesn’t match Daniel or Connors story, and once they’ve followed up with her they’ll let me know I asked the police if they have any idea what they could be charged with & they said possibly criminal trespass, a misdemeanour for the property damage, they would have to pay me back for everything & possibly community service I plan to talk to the housing department as well about her destroying the stuff in my room & showing the damage, hopefully something is done about that Update July 15, 2025 Hi! I’ll just leave whatever updates i have here, thank you a lot for the advice/ support i’ve been getting, as I said i’m not very familiar with legal stuff and your comments helped a lot so I appreciate it so i have some updates, this will probably be long the police told me that they were going to have to recall chelsea since her story didn’t match up with the 2 guys, while they were doing that, I went back into our apartment to see if there was anymore damage/ evidence I could use to help get Chelsea evicted as I was planning on going to the housing department when i got back to my room, I noticed the wall was damaged, as I said daniel & chelsea both hit my perfume bottle off the wall repeatedly to try and break it, and while they were doing this, they damaged the wall in the process, the paint is chipping off of it and there is noticeable dents, I took multiple pictures of it [ ] unfortunately the housing department was not as helpful as I hoped they would be, I showed them the police report & all the texts/pictures they basically just said “we’ll look into it” and they took my phone number, not much else was said about it, but i’m just going to keep pushing them about it until something happens [ ] eventually, the police did get back to me, they said that chelsea basically admitted everything & that she was encouraging the guys to go into my room and break my stuff but she “didn’t plan for it to get that bad” and that she “feels sorry about it” & that she just broke the perfume because she got caught up in the moment and didn’t realise she was doing something wrong, she also blamed it on them being drunk [ ] while we are on the topic of the drinking, they informed me that chelsea is going to be charged with underrage drinking also, me and chelsea are both 20 years old, daniel and connor are 21 so they won’t get charged for it [ ] at the moment she is looking at being charged with criminal trespass, destruction of property, intent to cause harm & underrage drinking . Connor is looking at being charged with all of those except the underrage drinking. Daniel is only likely being charged with criminal trespass and intent to cause harm because even though he attempted to break my perfume, it wasn’t actually him that done it. This could all be subject to change, but this is just what the police told me is likely to happen [ ] they will have to pay me back for the damages caused & are also looking at community service [ ] this is everything I can remember right now, more stuff might come up, but at the moment i’m going to try and keep pushing the whole situation with the housing management Update July 16, 2025 hello again, another update, I got in touch with the dean of students which many people told me to do as the housing department probably weren’t going to be helpful, so thank you for that, he organised a meeting with me, I took a copy of the police report to him and I showed him all of the pictures/ videos i had taken of my stuff & the damaged wall. Long story short, he said that this type of behaviour is unacceptable and that he reprimands every individual who thinks this was okay to do he asked me if he could make copies of the photos I had, which I obviously allowed him to do. He told me he was going to pull chelsea for a meeting, where they could address the damages she caused, underage drinking in the building (which was prohibited) & he basically confirmed he was going to evict her & have her pay for the wall damage he then got into the more psychological side of things and he asked me If chelsea had ever made me feel unsafe before this incident happened. I told him the truth, that she hadn’t made me feel unsafe but the energy around her has just always be uncomfortable. chelsea and I have just never gelled as people, she is very loud & extroverted and I am the complete opposite of that, so we just never gelled, but it was never anything personal to me. those are once again really the only updates I have, the progress with the actual case against the three of them will take a bit longer but there has at least been progress with the living situation I am still with my boyfriend and I’m safe :) thank you sincerely again to everyone who has reached out/given me advice, the past few days have been draining so I appreciate the words 💓. RELEVANT COMMENTS/ADDITIONAL INFO What perfume was it it was the addict perfume by dior, I got it from my sister as a birthday present a few months ago. Thank you about the jewellery holder

I live in PA and just moved out of a house my 3 roommates and I were renting. We’re college students and landlords in the area are known to take advantage of students. The house we were renting was old and a dump. And somehow we were paying over $1000 each for rent. We cleaned the entire house, even hired professional cleaners for the kitchen and did the best we could given how dirty the place was to begin with. This is how much we were charged for “damages.” There are no big damages, only some holes/patches in the walls. The dresser left behind was one that was left for us and we couldn’t remove it. We sent her an email requesting receipts and that we shouldn’t be charged that much for damages. She replied and basically threatened to charge us more. We don’t know what to do at this point and any legal advice would be appreciated! submitted by /u/Environmental_Try320 to r/Renters [link] [comments]

I live in a split-level home with my husband and our kids. My grandparents live upstairs. While they're not elderly, they don’t have enough income to live independently, so we cover the entire house bill. It helps them out and saves us money, so it’s worked well enough. That said, there’s been a long-standing issue with how my grandfather treats my oldest son, who is 10. He’s fine with my other kids, but he clearly dislikes my oldest. I’ve never understood why, and I’ve tried hard to keep my son away from him as much as possible. Recently, my kids were upstairs visiting, and a misunderstanding happened. My grandfather got mad, grabbed my son by the throat, and screamed in his face. My son wasn’t seriously hurt, but it crossed a major line. And this isn’t the first time he’s put his hands on him. I went upstairs immediately to ask what happened. My grandfather admitted he did it because he was mad. I was calm and respectful and asked how he would feel if someone grabbed him by the throat. He just clammed up. Then my grandmother came in, started yelling, and said they were doing the best they could, and that my son is just a child so it’s different. I was disgusted. I grabbed my kids, went downstairs, and locked the door. Since then, I haven’t let my kids go back upstairs or be around them at all. But my husband disagrees. He thinks I’m overreacting since our son wasn’t hurt, and says I’m putting our living situation at risk by avoiding my grandparents instead of keeping the peace. He’s even encouraged our kids to keep seeing them, and allowed it when I wasn’t around. Now I feel like I’m stuck choosing between protecting my child or maintaining peace in the house. And honestly, it’s starting to affect my marriage too. I just don’t think people who put their hands on kids—especially more than once—deserve to be around them. My husband thinks I'm the ahole for potentially putting our living situation at risk by keeping to myself. AITA for cutting my grandparents off from my son and not wanting to be around them myself? UPDATE I didn't expect many people to see this, so here's some further information for some of the frequently asked questions. The first time my grandfather pushed my son around, I blew up. I told him I'd fight him, and he'd never see me or my children again. He tearfully apologized to us both, which was surprising because I had never seen him cry. I believed him. He had been like a father to me growing up, and protected me from my own abusive father. I really thought he would change and we could move past this. I was wrong. This is THEIR house. They own it. We just pay the house bill. Their mortgage payment is about $800 less than the average rent in our area so it's a good deal for us both. They are now threatening to kick us out because they can't handle the stress.... Of me staying away from them and minding my own business??? Make it make sense. I would love to move, my husband refuses. My husband says if I don't mend this relationship with them and apologize for "icing them out", he will divorce me immediately. I'm looking at other options with family in another state. They're not good options, and I'm REALLY scared but I am done with this situation. Update 2 You guys, I'm working on it! I'm not going to post my private plans here right now. My husband is a Reddit user, and I'm sure he'll see this post soon. I'll update once the kids and I are in a better spot. Just because I'm not posting about it, doesn't mean nothing is happening. Update 3 I've been really hesitant to comment or post anything because I've been trying to keep my cards close to my chest. I'm almost positive my husband has seen this post and that he is one of the commenters in the thread. If/when he comes back to look at this, I don't want him to know what I know. BUT it seems like he's quietly trying to make moves preparing for a divorce. I really think the whole divorce thing is just a bid at control because he likes his living arrangements. But he would absolutely throw this marriage away to make a point that he's right, and his word is final. He's not like that about everything, but when it comes to anything financial, definitely. I might not have a SUBSTANTIAL update for you guys for a few weeks, just for safety's sake. But I promise I'll come back and update. Thanks for all the support. UPDATE 4* Hopefully the last one. This update came much earlier than expected. Maybe not the update you were all hoping for. I know most were rooting for divorce. No divorce yet, but definitely some karma. This is REALLY long, I'm sorry in advance. Some backstory: I did NOT want to cohabitate with my grandparents. Almost two years ago, my husband got really sick, was in the hospital for almost a month, and lost a VERY well-paying job. We had a large savings that we set aside to buy a house. After he recovered a bit, it took him a long time to find a job. More than a year. He’s highly educated, he’s traveled the world for work, and has never been turned down after an interview. It destroyed his confidence. He was even interviewing for fast food places, anything to have an income. He did eventually find what most would consider a good job with upward mobility, but until he gets promoted, he is making roughly 1/3 of what he was before. We could have lived off our savings plus my income for a couple of years, but we wanted to save as much as possible for our future house. Grandparents were struggling with money, my husband was terrified of losing everything, so it seemed like a good deal. My grandmother is a serial boundaries abuser. Things like asking her to knock before she entered our space, asking her not to fold our underwear, and not to go through our things in our bedroom were met with violent tantrums. Our whole stay here has been a nightmare, and I have begged to move but I trusted my husband that this would be worth it, to sacrifice for a little longer to rebuild what we had lost. I told him REPEATEDLY that it didn’t matter how much money he gave them, how much ass he kissed, how many appliances he replaced for them, they’d never treat us with respect. And one day, we’d come home to a “for sale” sign with zero notice. He didn’t believe me. Back to where this post started: After I had kept the kids away from them for a few days (this would have been 6/5), they sat my husband down while I was working a night shift and told him that I was manipulating the whole family so he would buy me a house. They told him I was a liar, and that I’m making their treatment of our son a big deal so he’ll hate them and leave them high and dry. He defended me (supposedly). He also asked them to apologize to our son. I confirmed this with my son. He didn’t tell me any of this until later. After that conversation, they stormed off on a trip. Him holding them even remotely accountable was a sin in their eyes. That night was when he threatened divorce if I didn’t try to repair the relationship with my grandparents. I felt completely insane, heartbroken, and started planning with my extended family on how to get out of my situation. Once we got a good plan together, I told husband that we could move together as a family, or I would be moving with the kids immediately. We would be going out of state, and he could have his divorce. He didn’t back down and essentially said, “Bye! GTFO.” Asshole. I took him for his word and started packing and getting things set up for the kids out of state. Summer camps, etc. Despite his MANY MANY flaws, our kids adore him. My daughter ran up to him randomly, gave him a big hug, and told him how much she loved him. He melted right there and apologized. I think he finally came to terms with what he was about to lose. He asked us not to go and said we’d start looking for a place right away. I feel like you guys are going to chew me out for this, but I am CAUTIOUSLY choosing to forgive him. I am requiring counseling for both him and my son. He f*cked up, and I’m so mad at him. It’s really a huge loss of trust and respect. But I’m hoping he’s just an idiot, and a good counselor will slap some sense into him. We will see. If not, those plans I had don’t expire, and we can go any time. Here’s my favorite part: My grandparents got home today. He excitedly greeted them. My grandma didn’t even say hello. She looked at him and just said, “We’re selling the house. You can keep the fridge, but we want the big dresser you have downstairs. You need to find a new place right away.” 😂😂😂 He walked downstairs pale as a ghost and in total shock. I laughed, I couldn’t help it. He really thought they cared about him. What they actually cared about was money on demand. All it took was one tear from my grandma and she’d have however much she wanted in her bank account, despite my protests. They’re blocked on everything. I’m never going to speak to them again. Anyway, we’re looking for a place. I changed my work schedule so there will be NO sneaky grandparent visits while I’m not home. My poor son looks so relieved that we’re moving. I feel like a piece of shit that it took so long. Ultimately, this is about him. I failed him by not recognizing the severity of what happened, and Reddit helped me see that. So thank you to all of you who took interest in our story and offered support. I can’t take back all the things that happened, but I’m going to change. No one is going to convince me I’m protecting my children too much ever again. That sounds so stupid even writing. I hope counseling helps, and I’m going to make sure he and his siblings enjoy the rest of their childhood. Without shitty, abusive family systems and without being in fight-or-flight mode. Once we've gotten the kids out of here, I'm gonna make a visit to our local police station. See what they think about the whole thing. submitted by /u/No_Flatworm5218 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/purplefurrsocks I’ve been lying to my family for 25 years. Originally posted to r/offmychest Editors Note: I originally posted this to r/bestofpositiveupdates nearly 2 years ago Original Post June 26, 2023 I guess it’s time for me to come clean. Not because I feel too bad for what I’ve been doing, but because it’s possible my eldest son is on to me. I have 3 kids and a wonderful wife. For more than 25 years our family has loved doing puzzles together. Since we started, I’ve done something that may seem unsavory to people that don’t understand the joy of putting in that final piece. To ensure it was always me, whenever we start a new puzzle I take one of the pieces and hide it in a green sock that’s at the bottom of my dresser. Whenever we get to the very end, we all, once again, lost a piece. We all search frantically until I’m the hero who finds it. Well, this past Sunday we got to completion once again, only this time there are TWO pieces missing. We begin searching. It may be my imagination but my eldest son gave me a look. It was a half smirk. I think he’s on to me. Derek, if you’re reading this, I have more patience than you do. I’ll hold my piece forever if I need to. “Find” yours first, and let’s end this madness… RELEVANT COMMENTS DataAdvanced The battle of wills have begun. OOP He doesn’t know what he’s up against Blonde2468 Maybe it's YOU who don't know who you are up against. ;) OOP You never think that day is here! I know it’s coming though EDIT:: A fellow Reddit user PMd me an incredible idea. I’m going to try and contact the manufacturer and order his missing piece. I’m going to “find” it when it arrives, then “find” mine immediately after. I almost feel bad when I consider how truly confused he will be. Thank you Spockhighonspores! I don’t think he’s found this thread yet because he hasn’t approached me about it, so this could still work. I’m so excited! This will go down in family history. Checkmate ~OOP EDITED/Updated THE FOLLOWING DAY~ EDIT-2:: Well folks, I’ve been duped. I got up this morning, went into the kitchen to get some coffee and as I walked past the puzzle I noticed that it had been completed. All pieces accounted for. I calmly, and politely knocked on Derek’s door and asked him about it. He denied knowing anything about it. Like, super convincing. I went down back down to my bedroom, confused as ever and just sat in bed with a blank stare. My wife asked me what’s wrong, and I told her that the puzzle was completed and I have no idea how it got done. She literally started laughing like a damn hyena… “IVE ALWAYS KNOWN ABOUT YOUR DUMB GREEN SOCK” I’m in shock. I’m numb. Like a damn gut punch. So as it turns out, she’s known what I’ve been doing for at least 10 years. She said she loved watching me walk around thinking I was some criminal mastermind tricking everyone, and that’s why she never said anything. She wanted me to have my win, while she secretly laughed and had her own fun in secret. I don’t even know what to say. I’m just processing everything. I cannot believe she’s had this over me for so long and I literally had no idea. She noticed a decade ago that I had just 1 green sock, since I lost its pair forever ago, and immediately knew something was up with it since I refused to throw it away. I guess that makes sense. I’m an idiot. I’ve come to the realization that she’s actually the master here, it’s her house, and I should be thankful she lets me live in it. At least she promised not to tell the kids. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I (27F) and my husband (28M) recently bought our first home and are trying to start a family. (I have also lost a pregnancy about 5 months ago). My youngest brother "BB" (23M) and his wife "A" (23F) have come across hard times. They have asked if they could rent our basement bedroom from us once their lease is up while they get on their feet. This would mean sharing common living areas and kitchen. I am okay with that. However, my other brother "OB" (25m) and his girlfriend have recently announced they are expecting. This has somehow put "BB" and his wife in a "race" to have the next baby. ( I.E. Before me and my husband) "BB" and "A" continue to bring up the fact that they are trying to have a child at EVERY dinner or family gathering since OB's announcement. I am incredibly frustrated with them as they are asking for a cheap place to stay because they have no money but also trying to bring a child into this world unprepared. I have expressed my opposition to them having a child before they have their financial situation in a better place and have also told them, if they get pregnant, I do not want them living in my house. At Easter dinner I told "A" again, ( after she brought it up) that they are making a bad decision and that I wasn't going to financially support them in my home if she got pregnant. This made her cry. Now my family is telling me I have no business telling them how to live their lives and I should shut up and support them or get out of their lives. I also am having big feelings because I want the baby in my home to be my own. AITA for this? Im i horrible for feeling this way? What should I do? Edit: I see some confusion in the comments. I dont care who has a baby first. Im excited for my brother who is expecting. Im am however, not okay with Baby Brother using my home, that I bought for me to have babies in, to have their baby in. If they can't afford their own housing, They cannot afford a child. Also, my parents are in separate states from us and are not in financial positions to help. And my family says ive always been a "bossy bitch" I guess that may be true. But I said what I said and thats what I said. Update 4-23 : There is LOTS to unpack. I sat and spoke with my husband today. He told me that after I went outside at sunday dinner to get away from them, that he and "A" had talked. He told her that I was having a hard time deciding if I wanted them in our house. Im not sure what else was said as I wasnt there. Apparently this meant we were "bullying them" and thats why BB came outside to tell me to apologize to A and the argument started on sunday that ended up involving the whole gaggle of goons. My husband also expressed the problems we've had with them disrespecting our tools and home when they come over to "hang out" (they built and painted some dressers for their apartment in my garage and made a HUGE mess. Paint all over. Our tools left outside in the yard. The paint sprayer was ruined because they put it in the fridge instead of cleaning it???? Some yard tools they played with while I was trimming trees and roses were still in the bushes out back.) (I usually communicate to my brother through text because they work night shifts. So my husband and I wrote this up and I sent it to BB. ) I love you both dearly. Ive spoken to my friend ( You on REDDIT! ) and she helped me understand that I was not approaching the situation the way thought I was. I know its not my business when you have kids or what your finances are or if its a good idea or not. Its ONLY my business if you stay at our house or not. I am your SISTER not your mother. I respect y’all’s decision to have a baby as it’s your choice. However, considering the circumstances , I don’t feel that’s a wise choice to let you move in anymore. Our agreement was for you and (A) to live here until you could get on your feet, but with the discussion of you actively trying to bring a child into the world it would be best to find housing for yourselves so you have the room if you’re to be expecting at anytime in the future. It wouldn’t be fair to any of us to be crowded in MY home with both families actively trying for a child. (Husband) and I want to grow our own family. We need our own space and are concerned that if you have a child, you will never be able to afford your own place. I am also concerned that you cant control (Demon dog.) She has been aggressive towards (my small dog) and stresses (my big dog) out. This is THEIR home. (My dogs) are my priority. We cannot and will not sacrifice our family's future to support you. I’m sorry I cant help you this way. I know (my husband) had mentioned to you my apprehension on you moving in. Im sorry it took the argument on sunday to help me come to a decision. I dont want any feelings of resentment. I will continue to help you find a cheaper car and will be a supportive big sister and help you however else i can As of this update I have not heard back. Ill update again when I have news. Small Update evening of 4-23 : My dad called me ! ( I think BB called him but I couldn't confirm) Apparently he didnt have the full story. He didnt know My brother had asked to live in my home. He agrees they should not be living with me. But he held his ground on saying what they do with their life is not my business. And I agree. Still no response from BB or A. UPDATE KINDA?? 4-25. BB called me today. We gave them some furniture when they moved into their apartment about 10 months ago. He asked if we wanted it back or if he could sell it. I told him it was his to do with as he wished. I asked if he wanted to talk about the text. As BB was answering, I heard A in the background go "nuh-uh" and cut BB off from talking and said "maybe later". Then I said okay love you and he said love you and hung up. Almost immediately after that call my dad called again. He asked me if BB had spoken to me at all, I told him about the odd way A cut him off from actually talking to me. My Dad said "It's totally up to them to fix their own shit and frankly she's way too easily offended and its her own problem." He also apologized for getting so upset on sunday, he is sick of their baby drama too. I am okay with where this has come to. I appreciate all of your advice and the comments! I was really starting to feel like the "Bitch sister " that I get called alot. I see now that I wasn't handling things in a way that made sense to my family. And they thought I was "meddling" in my brother's life without having the whole story. My husband says I'm a kind person but not "gentle" and thats why I rub people the wrong way. I will continue to "protect our peace" as you have advised! If anything changes, You'll be the first to know! Xoxo, The bossy bitch sister 😘 Update March 2026. Its been about a year and I thought I'd add an update. Baby brother and wife did NOT move in with us, they got an apartment in another town about 30 minutes away and are still trying for a baby. We were no contact for a few months but have since started to talk and visit eachother again. My other brother's baby is about 6 months old and is doing well, they moved out of state for his work. As for Me and my husband, we are doing well. We took a break from all family "duties" (I.E. hosting and "managing")and have been focused on renovating and maintaining our home . Unfortunately our roof was damaged in a storm and was replaced and then our water main blew only a few weeks later, but we have since repaired that. What can you expect from a historical home 🤷🏽‍♀️. We planted a tree in honor of our lost baby and are still praying and trying for a rainbow baby. I want to thank all of you who commented and offered advice, it really helped me see how I was being treated like the family manager instead of the older sister. I have set boundaries with my family and expressed my disappointment and hurt about how they treated my husband and Me. Hopefully things will continue to improve. Xoxo, The (not so bossy anymore) bitch sister 😘 submitted by /u/Otherwise-Story6821 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

I moved into my bf’s house (he owns) three weeks ago and it’s been really hard. We have been fighting a lot. Many of our fights are because he doesn’t let me sleep. I work 9-5 so I have to wake up at 8ish. He works whenever he wants so he doesn’t have a set sleep schedule. I use to go to sleep 11-1130pm prior to living with him. I compromised to 12-1230 am, but there are nights he goes to bed 4am, 5am, 6am, 7am. There is a master bedroom and a guest bedroom. I was sleeping in the master and he would go in and out disrupting me so I have yelled at him. He tells me “give me 10 minutes and I’ll be in bed.” Hours go by he is still not in bed, and making noises the kitchen or living room. He told me you can go to sleep without me. There is a lot of noise when he comes into the master and he says that's where all his things are there so he needs to go in and out. I tried sleeping in the guest room (does not have a lock) but when I do so he comes into there and disrupts my sleep instead of just going in the master. I have only been getting 5-6.5 hours of sleep for weeks now, very broken. Yesterday evening I told him I have a doctor’s appointment at 8am before work so I have to be up at 630ish. I got ready for bed at 10pm in the guest room and was watching TV on my computer with a plan to go to sleep at 11pm. I put a note on the door, saying "I have to be up early, please be considerate." I fell asleep at 1130ish with my eye mask on, fan on for white noise (always use this), sleep podcast, and he came in 3 times while I was sleeping and woke me up. He was drunk, turned on the light, pulled up my eye mask. I begged him every time to let me go to sleep because I have to be awake early. Then he started making alot of noise in the hallway saying he was “having 8 strippers over"..making sex noises in the bedroom.” I told him “I’m leaving, I just want to sleep, why don’t you let me sleep.” I was on my hands and knees on the floor crying and he said “I’m sorry..I’m sorry, I was just playing I’m a jerk.” I told him I need to go get some sleep and my plan was to just sleep in my car. It was now 1am. I left and he’s calling me telling me he is sorry and he’s in bed, can I come back and we can go to sleep. I come back and he is not in bed…he is in the basement getting laundry. I said I want to go to sleep. I try to sleep again and he then comes in and starts cuddling me telling me he loves me and he’s sorry. I ask him to come to my appointment with me tomorrow and he agrees, I said I have to go to the bathroom. I go pee and when I come out he is in the bathroom. 10 minutes go by and he’s still in there. I start screaming at him to come, he says he’s peeing. Then I go and open the door and he closes it before I can get in. He tells me he’s taking NyQuil. I just freaked out…I go into the bedroom and pull off everything on the dresser onto the floor. I then turn over the lamp night stands (ended up breaking one). He pushes me onto the bed and there is a necklace that he said he can’t find. He is freaking out and I’m scared so I tell him I’ll help him find it. We find it. It’s past 2am and we go to sleep in the guest room. He is on my side so I just go into the master and sleep there until my alarm goes off. I wake him up and he starts getting ready and he notices his front veneer is gone, was there last night. He accuses me of taking it. I said I didn’t, I try to help him but I have to go to my doctor’s appointment so I say let’s go and I’ll help you find it afterward. He says he wants to find it so he stays. On the way there he texts me “you don’t care about me…get out and leave me alone. You are one of the most selfish individuals I met.” I don’t respond.Then he calls me saying he found it. I go to my appt, get back home and I have to work 9-5:30pm today. I WFH, he is sleeping as I type this. I am going to get a hotel tonight and look into moving out this weekend. I feel horrible for throwing stuff on his dresser on the floor, but I can’t take this constant lack of sleep….AITA? Update: Thank you to everyone for the responses and for opening my eyes to the reality of my situation. I feel as though I have been in a daze, doubting myself and questioning my own sanity (absolutely do not recommend not sleeping). I logged off work early saying I wasn’t feeling well. I checked into a hotel. Not the closest one because I think he may look for my car there first. Going to sleep now. 2nd update: Context: This is a different relationship than my last posts. I started dating this guy in February 2024. He actually proposed to me at the end of May 2024 after a few months of dating with a stunning engagement ring. I said I wasn’t sure because it was so soon, wore it for a day and gave it back. I said I wanted us to know each other better and live together before that step. I accepted a contract start up position in July with my job half way across the country and was gone for weeks at a time. He asked me to move into his apartment before I accepted that position but I told him I wanted to see it though. I would come back for 1-2 weeks at a time and we would stay together. He always stayed up later than me until 1-2am, but he would put headphones in, turn off lights, be quiet/respectful when I was sleeping. It was only after I moved into his house (mid November) that things escalated. He told me he wanted to put me on the deed of the house, however, I declined. There is a safe in the house where he keeps cash (probably drugs too? maybe a gun- he was quite dodgy about answering this). He asked me if I wanted the code. I said no, I didn’t want to be accused if ever anything was missing. The red flags were there and my intuition was trying to warn me, should have listened to it sooner. I slept for 11 hours!! Yay!! My parents live 5 hours away. I was planning to see them Christmas Eve. I called and told them everything. Staying with a friend tonight, my dad offered to pick me up tomorrow and I’ll be there for a few weeks, at least. I will be breaking up with my bf but I want to be a few states away before I tell him. If he shows up at my parent’s home, we’re going to call the police. My dad and my brother said they’ll come back with me later on to get the rest of my belongings, idk if I even want to go back there to get them. I just know I can’t do it right now. Thank you all! 3rd update: I broke up with my ex and he has been calling leaving VM’s. He accused me of coming to his home the day after Christmas sleeping in his bed until 2pm, stealing 10k as well as a “green bag.” I’ve never stolen from him and I was hours away in a different state. He is ADAMANT I was there. He has a ring camera, which would show that I wasn’t there.I went to a museum with my family, went out to dinner with friends. I have 8 people who can verify I was with them. VM of him saying he had thought about “ending it all on Christmas” because I am a selfish person and left him alone. VM of him saying “good luck finding your clothes.” VM of him accusing me of cheating on him. I have friends who told me that he has been saying I am a “prostitute” because I stayed at a hotel. I still have not gone back to get my stuff. I want my things, but I don’t even know what’s left. The thought of seeing him again makes me feel like I can’t breathe. I want him to leave me alone, I have thought about getting a restraining order, but I’m afraid it’s going to be denied because he has more money and resources than me. submitted by /u/Pretty_Step5094 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwalady_ I [22 F] think I need to break up with my boyfriend [23 M] . . . of 8 years. Original Post Nov 20, 2017 Throwaway because I want to keep this separate from my main account. Wow. Okay, where to begin. We've been dating for 8 years. We met in high school, and have been together ever since. We've grown and changed with each other - miraculously - and our relationship has been amazing. We were always communicative to each other, always doted on one another, have inside-jokes that are years long, and have become so comfortable with who we are as a couple. Our relationship by all means is a wonderful one. But, I guess I wouldn't be posting here if it was so wonderful, would I. As we've entered into adulthood, I started asking the bigger questions that I realized I wasn't really getting answers on. He's been against having kids, but I want kids. My biggest advice I received was to wait for his 'real' answer when we were older because I asked these questions after dating for 4 years. I asked him what he wanted to do with his future, where he saw himself career wise and what he was feeling about who he was as a person. If he was changing and growing. To be honest, whenever we speak about these things I always feel like. . .it gets really quiet, he becomes shorter with his words. A lot of "I don't know"s. After asking questions many times, I get some answers once he's thought about it. But this scenario has always been regular for us -- I'm asking bigger questions, trying to get feedback, and he gives little answers and asks to think about them. But we have always moved along. Next day, next season. We're really happy with each other. We cuddle and watch Netflix TV shows, go to the ice rink, having romantic dinners and tell each other how much we adore one another. But those questions start to bother me. Why doesn't he want to answer them? Why doesn't he ask those about me? Is it necessarily bad that he doesn't want to ask? I mean, we're only in our 20s. But. . .We've been dating for 8 years. The toss and turn was agonizing. I felt like I was waiting for an answer for a question I asked years ago, regardless of the timeline. I felt more and more pressure to have them answered. . .because we've been talking about marriage. When I would forget that those questions were so important to me, everything was hunky dory. We'd talk about where we would live, the animals we would have - and name them, the kinds of tv shows we'd watch on a weekly basis. I pushed the issues I had been feeling in my core back inside, because I figured 'If I'm a patient girlfriend, a loving one, a supportive one, our relationship will get better. How long we've stayed together is testament to our ability to grow together. We've done it this long, why wouldn't it continue happening?' But it hasn't. It really hasn't guys. This last weekend something snapped. We were looking for places to live. We had three appointments. I was looking around the apartment, looking at the kitchen, looking at our bedroom. When we kissed each other goodbye after a post-appointment cuddle/nap, and I went back home. . .I burst out crying in the car. I was sobbing. When I got home I called my mom, she came over, I was broken. Something died. Something straight up died. I don't know what's going on. I think I need to break up with him. I don't think this is the kind of change that I can ask of him. I don't think asking him to change is fair. It's not that I haven't been patient, I have. He HAS been giving me his answer to all my questions, I just haven't been happy with what they are. The silence, the skirting around the topic, the "I don't know"s. I thought we could grow through any scenario, but moving in together put it all into perspective for me. I'm not ready to move in with this guy. Earlier in the year, he told me he was alright with kids, with having them, too. After that conversation, such a huge flood of relief hit me that I think spurred this season of ignorance. He answered my biggest, big question, so I was happy. But the reality is setting in. Does he actually mean that? Did he say that to appease my asking? He has told me that I'm the best thing to happen to him, that he loves me and that I inspire him to be a better person, and that he's happy he's with me because he wouldn't know how to date anyone else at this point since we've been together for so long. I wish he had the motivation and drive and a goal for himself. I wish he thought about his future. I wish he was more excited about life, more positive about life. I wish he wasn't so angry at people and himself. I wish he approached his problems readily and openly. I wish he was more emotionally available. I wish I knew how to do this without destroying him, because I think it will. His family would all turn on him, I know it. We've been talking about marriage. We're looking at places to live together. And I just imploded. I imploded. My gut is telling me to do this, and it's never been wrong. But how? How on earth do I do this? tl;dr: My 8 year relationship fell apart in my heart over the weekend, and now I struggle with how to break up with my boyfriend when we've been talking about marriage and moving in together. EDIT: Thank you everyone, so much, for your comments. All of them, I've read every one. I think after the initial hysteria and realization of what I was feeling, and putting it into written word, that I've come to realize what I'm truly feeling. I'll post an update after this weekend when I talk with him, I'll tell you how it goes. RELEVANT COMMENTS acuteamericium Hi, what you wrote really impacted me and I would like to thank you for sharing that. I too have been feeling the same way as you in my own relationship, but I haven't been able to process the words. I don't really have advice, I haven't dealt with my situation but what I will say is this; It is possible to grow from here. You are young, your future is bright and you know what you want in life. You are too young to settle on the things that you will grow into. If you do breakup, it won't be easy, but you sure as hell will make it through. There has been a quote that I has been ringing through my head the past couple days: Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain. I hope that you find what is best for you OOP I couldn't even read that entire quote, I started tearing up. There are two sides to me, the side that is firm in her decision, understands she made it long ago, and was waiting for the other half of me to wake up. Then the other side, is the side that loves him, loves what we are, loves who he is and is blissfully ignorant. Thank you for your encouragement. There is growth that can come from this. I don't want to settle, I don't want to be unhappy. I just thought it was him, for the longest time. And now it's not. I'll be okay, but holy shit this is going to hurt. And I'm the one who's doing it. To him, his family, our friends. 8 years builds a huge network, and I'll be shutting part of it down. I'll recover, I know people will be okay and I'll be okay, but causing hurt is just not what I do. But I can do it if it's for myself. ~ jolie178923-15423435 "I wish he wasn't so angry at people and himself." There's something here. What is he angry about? OOP He gets angry at people online, angry at bad drivers on the road. He gets angry when he's competitive, he gets angry when things don't happen like they should. I've told him he needs to see someone about it but he hates therapists. He has a lot of resentment in his heart. When it's good, it's great. When it's bad, it's awful. He's never violent, but he raises his voice, curses, and flips things over sometimes (like controllers or folders). I've never felt alright about it. Whenever he would start doing that stuff to me I would put my foot down and let him know very clearly he is never to treat me that way. It's the single thing I've been unrelenting and strong about. He promised me the next time 'it became a problem' he would see someone about it but there have been little bursts that don't warrant a problem, but are enough to put me on edge. This is a problem he doesn't want to address for painful reasons I think, but it has definitely added to the problem of me not wanting to be with him in the long term unless he got help and figured it out. OOP when told she's not done growing and to be the best version of herself This is so real and this is exactly why I posted on reddit. And in a small way, even though I know he thinks I'm great too, I'd like to think that there's a best version of a partner out there for him too. Update - rareddit Nov 27, 2017 (1 week later) This is an update to my previous post here. So, the big conversation happened on Friday, a day earlier than what I was expecting. After writing this post and speaking to trusted family and friends, I decided I didn't want to wake up like I had all week feeling like shit anymore. I'd open my eyes and just immediately feel that familiar pain in my chest. I wanted it to be over. He had been texting me normally in the week so I knew he wasn't expecting this. It made it so much harder. That part wasn't easy, texting him back very plainly to avoid lying or leading him on. But I asked him if he'd like to meet on Friday and he said he'd love to, so I went over in the morning after running a few errands with my brother. He drove what he called the 'Getaway Car' and said he'd pick me up when it was over. It was so hard. His family was decorating the house for Christmas. As soon as I got there, his mother asked me to help drape some garland across the front porch. I stood there with my heart in my throat, helping her out. As soon as I found a window, I walked into the house and found him in the kitchen. He was still in his pajamas. I asked if we could talk in his room, and he said sure. He wrapped me in a hug and rubbed my back, and it took everything not to cry right then. We walked up the stairs to his room, I closed the door, and gave him one last, huge hug in the privacy of his room. I took a breath and then asked if we could sit down. I sat criss cross and began. I told him that I had been in so much pain since we came back after looking at places to live together. I told him that I didn't think we should live together. I told him that was because I didn't think we should be together. I told him it wasn't his fault, that this wasn't because he had something wrong. I told him I felt like there was something wrong with our relationship, and that I knew moving in together wasn't the right choice for us and ultimately, committing to each other like that wasn't the right choice for me. I told him that I wasn't able to commit to him in that way, when the choice came. I told him that it wasn't a smooth transition, that this decision came all at me at once like a freight train. I told him that I was sorry. He asked me why I was doing this. He looked absolutely shocked. He told me he thought everything was perfect and that he didn't understand why I was saying this. He asked me where we should go from here. I told him I wanted to talk this out, since we've been together for so long. I told him I wasn't going to waver in my decision because I felt like it was the right choice to make, but I wanted to talk it out. Instead, he went to his dresser, got out of his pajamas, got into a change of clothes, grabbed his backpack, and left. His mother asked him for more Christmas help but as far as I knew he walked by her. I sat there in shock, I guess. Before he left he said 'See you Saturday' because our friends were having a Friends-giving. I could feel the hysteria come on. It was like a tidal wave. The reality of what I had just done. It was like every elegant, composed, logical reason I had for breaking up went right out the window. Every graceful approach I was going to take this conversation in just blanked on me. I was simply honest and raw. And now I felt like the shittest person I'd ever known. I got my shoes on and flew down the stairs. His mother was asking me for more Christmas help but in the first time in years, I ignored her and ran out the front door. I was walking away from his house. After I had reached the street, she came outside. I could hear her steps behind me. She called out my name with the same urgency that you call out to someone as if they forgot something in the house. I didn't turn around. She called out my name again, louder, and I rounded the corner towards the rest of the neighborhood. I then called my brother and asked him to pick me up. He was there in two seconds. The car was still moving as I opened the door and slid inside, and I was out of there. That was. . .by far the hardest thing I've ever done. I was sobbing. My brother held my hand. It was loud, heartbreaking sobbing. I can't believe I had ended an 8 year relationship but I did. I went home and my family was all there. They all comforted me through it and told me their breakup stories of their first loves. That was Friday. Today, Monday, I have to say. . .it was absolutely the correct decision for me to make. After the initial tears, hysteria and destruction, I realized I had needed to make that decision for a long time. I feel fuller, in a way, if that makes sense. And I'm excited for what's to come for me. Thank you all for your words of wisdom, your insights and your support. I really appreciated all of your comments and I read them a few times a day to give me strength in my down moments. I've gotten to the other side of this and I appreciate all of your input! tl;dr: I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years and I'm going to be very okay. EDIT: To be honest I'm shocked again at the response. Thank you all, even the people who don't agree with my decision. If I were to respond to you all and include every single detail of our relationship to try and justify myself I think it would defeat the point of reading your honest responses, because that's what I'll be dealing with going forward. I appreciate every comment, I've gone through and read them all. Thank you for your eyes and time spent giving your input. RELEVANT COMMENTS KORE4N You sound extremely mature for 22! Because you were with your boyfriend for 8 years, I imagine your lives were intertwined. Down the road, it's possible that you will miss him, miss the relationship, miss everything you two shared and may feel like you've made a huge mistake. It's all normal to feel that way and if you do, please do not hesitate to talk to your supportive family and friends. OOP I'm prepared for the idea that I'll miss absolutely everything. I'm either really well adjusted or this is just a phase before I go back into feeling awful. Either way, in this clear mindset, I'm bracing for it and trusting my conviction. ~ GoodbyeEarl Oh man... I know exactly how you feel. I ended an 8 year relationship about 3 years ago. While I broke the news to him, there was this loud scream in my head to stop stop stop but after the hysteria settled, I knew I had made the right choice. I was surprised how quickly my ex moved on (I moved on too though), which made me realize that perhaps he wasn't totally happy either. Good luck to you. OOP Oh my god, I know what you mean about the screaming. It felt like there was a spirit inside of me throwing chairs around my head screaming Why have you done this? Why would you? Stop, go back, take it back! It was agonizing. Change is hard but I had no idea the mental warfare I would experience, I thought it was all just heartache. Thank you for the well wishes. OOP added this comment about her brother You're right, I didn't go Saturday. A small discovery through all this is that, my brother and I aren't particularly close. We've had a rough childhood with our dad, and he moved to Seattle out of college. Him holding my hand through all this was the most brotherly thing he's done. I will remember that forever. I really feel closer to him now :) THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am still not the Original Poster. That is u/LadySavings. She posted in r/AITAH I wrote three previous BORU posts here, here and here. This post was too long to include all of the posts, so I included OOP's tldr's of the first two posts and then the most recent updates, including the newest. I deleted a few comments as well. The newest update is marked with ***** A reminder that the rules of this sub stipulate updates have to be at least 7 days old, so this update is 7 days old. If you have seen this elsewhere, it was not on this sub. Trigger Warning: infidelity; Andrew Tater Tot idiocy Mood Spoiler: OOP is good; pour one out for Amy because GIRL Original Post: July 3, 2023 TL;DR: Husband and I (33M/33F) are fairly high income earners (about 200K/year each), own our home free and clear, no other debts of any kind - we save close to half of our income and most finances are joint but we allocate $1500/month each (plus any extra income such as from bonuses or side hustles) for "fun money" (for hobbies, luxury goods, outings with our own friends that aren't together, etc.). Husband tends to spend his fun money month to month due to his expensive hobbies (primarily golf) while I tend to save the majority of mine because my interests (such as running and baking) are less expensive. I have been getting back into gaming lately, though, and having saved up more than enough of my fun money, I spent $5K on a new gaming rig and really nice desk and chair. Husband blew a gasket and accused me of "financial infidelity" even though I was operating within what I thought were our agreed-upon rules by spending my own allocated fun money on hobby stuff. Update Post: July 11, 2023 (8 days later) TLDR: husband told me he was actually upset that he feels I'm not professionally ambitious enough because I'm not on the "executive" track like he is, and that (despite my working full-time) he wanted me to cook fancier meals, set the table in a more elegant way, and dress up more for dinner - yes, like a 1950s housewife Update Post: July 18, 2023 Hi All...so I have an additional (and probably not very surprising) update to my saga. So, the more I thought about it, the more his requests - demands, really - were sitting poorly with me. I decided to try a little experiment over the weekend to see what would happen if I tried to meet some of his demands. NOT because I actually thought they were reasonable, but because I increasingly had the sense that the goalposts would just keep moving and that I was playing a losing game. So, Saturday morning, I went to the salon for a glow-up (haircut, fresh highlights, mani/pedi) then went to the farmer's market to pick up fresh flowers for our table and assorted other gourmet ingredients. Saturday is usually our date night out but I suggested we stay in so I could make us a special dinner, steakhouse style (lobster bisque, bread basket with several types of rolls/savory muffins made from scratch, crab-stuffed mushrooms, filet mignon, au gratin potatoes, white chocolate mousse topped with raspberries). I wore a lavender (his favorite color on me) sheath dress and high heels and fully done hair and makeup. For all that I got a lukewarm "thanks, it was tasty" and a kiss on the cheek. Of course I did all the serving and cleanup. Sunday we usually go out but he suggested I make us brunch at home. So I made French-press coffee, mimosas with fresh-squeezed orange juice, Belgian waffles with a bananas Foster topping, eggs scrambled with parmesan and fresh herbs from our garden, roasted fingerling potatoes, and maple-glazed bacon. I wore a blue sleeveless sundress, wedge sandals, again did my hair and makeup. Again I got a "thanks, it's good" and no help with serving or cleanup. Afterwards I asked if this is what he had in mind when he critiqued me before. He said that it was a start, but that I was "acting very entitled for wanting credit for basic adulting." He then dropped a bomb that he was being so hard on me because he had realized lately I had a lot to make up for due to my being a "low-value woman." I asked what on earth he meant by that and he said it was because I wasn't a virgin when we met. WHAT?!?! Keep in mind we started dating at 21, neither of us claimed to be virgins or stated that as an expectation. Except for very religious people (neither of us is) I don't think most 21-year-old college students are virgins. I was upfront with him then that I'd had two previous partners, my high school boyfriend (we went our separate ways when we went to different colleges in different parts of the country) and another boyfriend I'd had my first year of college. And that's it, both committed relationships and nothing casual. He then went on to say that because of my low value, I was going to need to be making it up to him for the rest of my life. That I didn't deserve monogamy or equal treatment and that I was lucky that anyone at all wanted to marry me. And - that he's "connected" with someone from work so if I wanted to keep him I'd better step up. I told him it didn't sound like there was anything to keep if he no longer loved me (or even liked or respected me). Told him to leave and he said he would gladly go to his girlfriend's place. I know SO many people here insisted he was having an affair and I just didn't want to see it, that his "complaints" were really all part of a campaign to distance himself from me. I feel SO foolish for just thinking he was going through a stressful time at work or that he genuinely wanted to work on our marriage. Anyway I have taken the week off from work to get my head together. Have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow. Canceled the marriage counseling appointment but got a referral to an individual therapist who can do an intake session with me later in the week. He (and the girlfriend apparently) are coming this evening to get more of his clothes and things so I have to brace myself for that. Also, please be assured I do NOT think I am low-value in any way. I let my husband make me think less of myself on some levels for a short time but now I truly see it was a "him" problem. Obviously we don't share the same goals and values and he has become someone I don't recognize. I know the divorce won't be fun or easy, but I will be okay. Thank you all for helping me see that I was being played before I wasted too much more time in a marriage that was already over. Relevant Comments: One last gem from the 'husband': "Yes, it seems like he fell down a toxic masculinity hole at some point fairly recently. Retroactively punishing me for not being a virgin at the outset, after a 12-year relationship including 10 years of marriage, is just completely over the top. I even said, "So this person you connected with at work, is actually a virgin?" "Well, she WAS," he said, with a smirk. (So, virgin or not, someone who would sleep with a married colleague is higher-value than me? Unless he lied about his marital status/situation which I wouldn't put past him.)" "Yes, he admitted he has been having an affair for several months. He kept trying to say that "it doesn't really count as cheating" because I'm low-value so the standards are different." Update Post 2: July 20, 2023 (17 days from OG post) Hi All - I wasn't going to post another update (at least not this soon), but have gotten dozens of DMs/messages asking if I am okay and how things are going - so this is specifically in response to those who were checking in on me. To recap my story, I first posted a couple weeks ago that my husband accused me of financial infidelity after I spent $5K of my own "fun money" allotment on a gaming computer, desk and chair, even though my spending was within our agreed-upon rules; he subsequently "admitted" that he wasn't really upset about the gaming setup, but about what he perceived as a lack of professional ambition (I'm a senior software dev and we make the same salary at the moment), plus he wanted me to cook more elaborate meals, put more effort into home decor, and dress up more for him. Finally, about a week later he accused me of being "low value" due to not being a virgin when we met (at age 21 - neither was he - and he never once previously criticized that in our 12 years together) and told me he was having an affair with a younger coworker who had been a virgin (gross, I know). Then he moved out (and in with her). Folks have been asking me this week how things went with him picking up his stuff, meeting with my lawyer, etc. so wanted to share those updates for anyone interested. So, he was supposed to come get his stuff on Tuesday evening, a couple days ago, but told me at the last minute he couldn't because "Amy" (his girlfriend) wasn't feeling well. Some people called in the comments, but yes, she's pregnant apparently. He told me this on text so I have proof of the affair in writing now, it's not just his word against mine. Anyway I didn't want him to keep jerking me around on the schedule, for whatever reason, so I told him I'd pack his stuff for him and arrange for movers. I think it's better that way, I really didn't want him/them in the house. I already had arranged for a friend to come over on Tuesday when he and Amy were supposed to come by so the two of us spent the evening packing his clothes and other personal effects. The movers came yesterday and got the boxes and the furniture items he wanted. He didn't want much, just the stuff from his home office and his dresser, as apparently Amy's apartment is small. I provided a detailed inventory and photos of everything, which he approved, so he can't say that I broke or otherwise ruined his stuff. After that yesterday I went to the clinic to get STD tests (won't have the results for a week or so, but thankfully I haven't had any symptoms) and met with my lawyer, who said I had a good case for grounds of adultery and mental cruelty if I want/need to go that route (at a minimum it's leverage to get him to settle quickly and quietly). Also locked down all the finances within the parameters provided by the lawyer so that he can't empty our joint funds or take anything that belongs to me, changed account beneficiaries and all that fun stuff. Changed the locks to the house too. I decided to take the advice of some of the commenters and am getting rid of the bed and other bedroom furniture I shared with him (I'm donating it, someone is coming this afternoon to haul it all off) and am going to completely redecorate the bedroom to my own taste (that will take a bit, staying in one of the guest rooms in the meantime). I'm also taking a spa weekend away, leaving tomorrow morning and back Sunday night, just to get a change of scenery before I have to go back to work next week. And yes, even after buying the gaming setup, I have plenty of "fun money" left in my account to afford my lawyer's retainer and redoing the bedroom as well as my getaway, with plenty left over - here's to frugality when it counts! Those are the main updates for the moment. I'm doing better than expected, I think, and realizing more day by day that it really wasn't a good marriage, at least not for the last couple years when he started expecting me to do everything around the house, and all the other emotional labor of running our lives outside of work, with no help and little to no gratitude. Amy sure is going to have her hands full. EDIT: Once again, I cannot thank everyone here enough! I need to get ready for my spa weekend away :) so apologies if advance if I have not responded to your comment or DM, but I am really grateful for all the support and encouragement. Hopefully there won't be any more notable updates for a while - I really just want a smooth and easy divorce and to get on with my life - so please keep your fingers crossed for me! Relevant Comments: The incoming child: "Also, he was hard-core childfree before (I didn't want kids either, but he was especially militant about it). I mean, maybe he changed his mind, but it doesn't seem like this was exactly a planned pregnancy. Plus, he can't even be bothered to put his own laundry in the hamper or put a dish in the dishwasher - how is he going to deal with an infant? Anyway, not really my problem and I guess he'll figure it out (or not)." Is he her superior at work? "My understanding is that that they are peers (he isn't her boss) - I don't think it is against the rules for coworkers of the same level to date. At least not as some of our (well, his, really) friends met at work there and it wasn't an issue. So for that reason I think I'll stay out of it, especially as I do want him to stay gainfully employed until the divorce is completely final. Still, I agree it's awfully foolish to have an affair at work that results in a pregnancy while one of the people is still married. I mean, you can't hide that messiness, it's going to be physically obvious." How is a 24 year old making the same amount of money as your ex? "They are both in an executive training program for fairly recent MBA graduates. Amy is apparently some sort of prodigy who got hers at 21. My STBX started out in supply chain management, then the company paid for his MBA which he finished a couple years ago, and after that he moved to the finance side and was accepted into the training program earlier this year." "She's 24, apparently graduated from college at 18 and got her MBA at 21. And he just got his MBA a couple years ago, was on a different business operations track before switching to finance." Update Post 3: August 17, 2023 (About 1 month from last post) Not sure if folks remember, but I had a series of posts earlier in the summer (actual links in my profile) - first, about whether I was the AH for buying an expensive gaming PC, desk and chair with my own allocation of "fun money," leading to an accusation of "financial infidelity" from my husband. Later he told me the actual issue was that he was disappointed by my job (senior software dev, but not on the executive management track), relatively casual appearance (not dressing up in dresses, makeup and heels for dinners at home) and my failure to cook extremely elaborate multi-course meals on a nightly basis. After a simple experiment showed that changing these things (the cooking and appearance, anyway) would not actually make him happy, he accused me of being "low value" because I wasn't a virgin when we met (in college, 12 years go, something he had never stated was an issue before) and then admitted he was cheating with a coworker. Who is now pregnant. Last I updated, he had moved in with Amy (his coworker) and we were starting the divorce process. I'm updating again here because a lot of kind people have been checking in with well-wishes and to see how I'm holding up. Sorry for not updating sooner, but as soon as I got back from the spa weekend I mentioned in my last update, I dove into working with my attorney on the divorce settlement, and didn't think it wise to put my business on the Internet, however anonymously, with the legal issues up in the air. The good news is that we were able to come to an agreement pretty quickly and everything is now executed (just waiting for the court date which could take another couple months, but my lawyer says the agreement is airtight). It wasn't quite as favorable as most of you all lovely folks probably would have wanted for me, but I was highly motivated to get it done fast. I did get everything that really mattered to me: first, the house I inherited from my grandmother is 100% mine, along with all the furnishings and other effects in the house. My own retirement accounts and my "fun money" account are all mine as well. Otherwise, I did have to give him 75% of the other cash assets. Although he wasn't on the title for the house, he did contribute substantially to the large renovation we did, as well as to upkeep since then, and the house appreciated very substantially in the years since we moved in. It's fine as I still have plenty of money, especially as I'm quite frugal most of the time and can rebuild cash savings quickly. Our agreement also states that neither of us has a claim on each other's past, present or future earnings. So in case something happens and he loses his job before the court date, I won't be liable for any alimony. This is actually overall a very good deal for me and gives me a lot of security. (In case anyone is wondering how we got this done so quickly: our state allows divorce on "mutual consent" grounds, which basically allows for a quick divorce without a legal separation period if the parties come to an agreement about all the finances/assets. Given that Amy is pregnant, my soon-to-be-ex (let's call him "Joe" - yes, like the psychopath in the show You) was also very motivated to not drag this out.) Now for the real dirt of this update: last weekend, shortly after all our papers were signed, Amy reached out to me. She asked if we could meet and talk. Perhaps I should have declined, but I will admit I was curious about the "24-year-old prodigy and until recently a virgin" person who was Joe's affair partner, so I agreed to meet her for lunch. So, the first thing is, Amy is *very* pregnant, like third trimester. She confirmed she is due in mid-October, which means the affair has been going on a whole lot longer than Joe let on. Whatever, it's water under the bridge as the divorce is almost final. However, after some polite but chilly pleasantries, she asked me, when am I going to be moving out of the house? Because surely Joe has been patient enough with giving me time to get my life together? And her apartment is small and they are needing space for the baby. Uhhhh...what? I told her she must be mistaken as the house is mine, inherited from my grandmother, but asked her...what else has Joe told her about me, and our marriage? And...lie after lie (Joe's lies, that is) tumbled out of her mouth, along with crumbs of the real story. These gems include: Well, it was true that she and Joe met at work. But it was about a year ago, when they were both interviewing for the executive training program they are now in. Amy said, though, that they first became friends before getting together romantically. Apparently, Joe told her that he was legally married but that we had been "separated in spirit and living separate lives" since 2020. But that he didn't want to kick me out and make me homeless during the pandemic because I didn't make much money and we live in a HCOL. Joe told Amy that we met in our early 20s when he was mentoring me in a GED prep program - that I was a high school dropout who was struggling with addiction, and essentially, that he "rescued" me. Helped me get clean, tutored me for my GED, and had been supporting me since through gradually working on college classes. He told Amy I was working on prepping for an IT career and was currently making $45K as a help desk technician and that he wanted to make sure I could at least afford a studio apartment. He also told Amy that we had "separated" because I had relapsed and he couldn't have a meaningful relationship with a drug addict. (Uhhh...all this is lies. My entire history of drug use is occasionally sharing a joint in college, maybe 4-5 times total, never anything harder.) It is true that Amy was a 24-year-old virgin prodigy. She seemed dismayed that Joe had told me that, though (at least the virgin part). Said it wasn't a moral issue, she really was just focused on school and work and didn't make time to date. And that generally guys her age seemed mostly interested in casual hookups, especially the younger finance bro types, and she wasn't interested in that, but that Joe took the time to get to know her and was actually interested in a meaningful relationship. I asked her if the pregnancy was...planned? She said no, of course not, but it was a miracle because Joe had a vasectomy, so they took that as a sign that they should keep the baby. (Uhhh...no, Joe did NOT have a vasectomy. As we were planning to be a child-free couple I suggested it a couple times over the years, he firmly stated he didn't want to alter his body like that, so he left birth control as my responsibility.) So...it really does seem that Amy is pretty blameless here. I mean, those of us who have been around the block would likely know not to believe a guy who claims to be "separated" but is still legally married and living with his wife, but...without her having any dating/relationship experience I can see where she would have taken him at his word, about everything. After all, I didn't know anything was amiss with Joe until a couple months ago - and I was married to him. Of course Amy didn't want to believe me, and I don't blame her for that either...after all, she's been in a relationship with Joe for close to a year and is 7+ months pregnant with his baby, who is coming soon, ready or not. I couldn't immediately refute everything she said, but showed her a couple things - first, a picture of me in my late teens with my grandmother in front of my house, and also, my Linkedin profile which shows my current job and education. Told her to do what she wanted with the info and to please stay safe and take care of herself, and then said my goodbyes. Yes, it was all very odd and unexpected and surreal. Sorry this is so long but figured those following my tale would be interested in this turn. I am not sure if I will update again...maybe in a year or so when I have truly processed everything with lots of therapy and am hopefully on to living my best life. As for Joe and Amy, it's up to them to find whatever their path is. I do hope she wises up and leaves him but am sadly not confident about that. I'm sure he will be able to spin all this in his favor because that's what he does. But I also can't make it my problem anymore. Relevant Comments: "I think I've determined that because Amy's pregnancy was progressing he was starting to get nervous about how he would juggle everything and decided to preemptively blow up the marriage in order to get the upper hand. So none of those things were genuine critiques, they were just designed to throw me off-balance." How did she take it when you said you owned the house? "She didn't really believe me about the house and said she was going to have to talk to Joe about it. She said she hoped I would think about it and not be so stubborn and that the offer remained open to take the money she offered to move out by the end of September." Maybe the reason he didn't have more fun money was that he was spending it on her: "Oh yes, definitely! A lot of the "golf days" were actually spent with her (not golfing) and he only played golf once or twice a month, not weekly as he represented to me." "Apparently he convinced her that the reason he could never spend the night with her (during most of the past year, before he moved in with her) was that I tended to get high in the evenings and he was always worried I would OD if he wasn't there to keep an eye on me." Did you tell her he didn't really have a vasectomy? "I did tell her, but her answer to that was to insist that he did have one, he just didn't want to tell me. Because he had only gotten one because although he did want kids, he didn't want to bring them into the world with a drug addict spouse." *****Newest Update Post: November 25, 2023 (3 months later)****\* Hi everyone! Not sure if anyone remembers as it's been a few months since my last update, but I originally posted earlier this year about my husband "Joe" accusing me of "financial infidelity" because I had spent some of my own fun money/savings (within our agreed-upon personal spending limits) on a gaming PC and home office setup. Which then devolved into him (unfairly) accusing me of slacking on my personal appearance, career, and housework, and soon it came it out that he'd been having an affair with a coworker ("Amy") who had become pregnant. We separated right after that (he moved out and in with her). (And, apologies in advance, the next update (below) is quite long!) Last time I updated, we had thankfully quickly agreed on a divorce settlement that allowed me to protect my most important assets, and I had just met with his mistress Amy at her request. At which time it was made clear that he had lied to her about numerous circumstances, such as that our home belonged to him (it did not, I inherited it from my grandmother), that I was an underemployed high school dropout drug addict (I'm not, I have a master's degree and a high-paying tech job), that we'd been "separated in spirit" for years (also not true, I didn't know anything until he blurted out the news about his affair over the summer), and that he had a vasectomy (he did not, we talked about it but he decided not to despite us - him in particular - not wanting kids). I told her the truth and even provided as much evidence as I had on me, but she didn't seem believe me and went on home to Joe. I know quite a few people have been reaching out for more news, but I wanted to wait until my divorce was finalized to avoid risking any complications, and also just thought it best to let things settle for a bit. The good news is - I'm now divorced! The final decree came through a few weeks ago. It actually all went very smoothly (I'm eternally grateful to live in a "mutual consent" divorce state that allows divorcing couples to proceed quickly if they can come to an agreement on finances and property). On the Joe/Amy front, after my last post, all was quiet for a couple weeks, until Amy, her due date quickly approaching, reached out *again* to ask if I'd given any more thought to her offer to pay me $17K to vacate the house quickly so that she and Joe could move in. (Again this is the house I inherited that I own free and clear, but Joe told her he owns it and that he was just giving me time to get my finances together before evicting me.) At this point I decided to package up a lot more evidence of Joe's lies to send on to Amy. I sent her a copy of the deed and property tax records showing the house is in my name only. I sent her copies of my diplomas to prove I am not a high school dropout. I sent her some info on various professional associations I am involved in and awards I have won to show I actually do have a senior-level job and am not underemployed, as well as proof of my income. I sent her copies of all my drug test results for the past 5 years (I have a drug-free workplace and have to test 2-3 times a year) to show I am not an addict. I sent her time-stamped photos and text exchanges to show that Joe was still having a romantic relationship with me until July this year (nothing salacious, just photos of us showing G-rated affection, exchanging loving words over text, etc.). I even found a text exchange from a couple years ago when we last discussed him potentially getting a vasectomy, with his final decision not to proceed with one. A couple days later she responded - she believed me! However, in the end it didn't matter as Joe convinced her he had lied for Very Good Reasons. The way they both tell the story, they met at work and were incredibly drawn to each other, in a way that felt "inevitable." However, due to Joe being married, he felt that if Amy knew he was (to that point) happily married she would either turn away from him and miss out on the "love of a lifetime," or she would go ahead with an affair but be consumed with guilt. So, to avoid either of these outcomes, and especially to save Amy from guilt, Joe decided to create an alternative narrative in which he was in a marriage that had ended for all intents and purposes years ago, in all ways but legally, because I was an uneducated addict who kept relapsing and couldn't get my life together. That was she could essentially believe he was single. (How noble of Joe, to bear all the guilt alone! /s) Unfortunately, Amy said she understood and forgave him immediately. With a baby due any day, I suppose I can sort of understand the desire to justify the lies, even thought the reality is horrifying. I suppose it's also not my problem anymore. Amy did have her baby over a month ago and I guess she and Joe will...make whatever life together (or not) is meant to be. As for me, I'm doing very well! Actually got a big promotion at work (not managing people which I don't want to do, but will be working on higher-profile projects - with a 40% raise!) which starts after the new year. The house is really big for just me, so I have a couple roommates now - a friend who is also going through a divorce moved in, as well as a younger (mid-20s) cousin who moved to the city for work. We're all having a lot of fun together. I'm not really ready to date yet (still in therapy processing all the marital fallout) but getting there and looking forward to whatever new adventures life has to offer. This will probably be my last post (in this series anyway) as the saga of Joe and Amy, or at least my role in it, is finished; with us legally divorced and having no ongoing financial or other ties, the best thing I can do is leave them to their own story and get on with my Joe-free next phase. Thank you all for listening to my story for much of 2023, I do truly appreciate the support and helpful advice I received along the way. submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Moved into a 4bed in BedStuy NYC and have had no issues with anyone until one (22F)roommate’s boyfriend moved in with us. She never spoke to any of us about it. I can empathize with someone who needs a place to stay but it felt very inconsiderate for her to not even mention at all. My main issue is that between the two of them they probably own 50+ pairs of shoes. Our very narrow hallway is becoming an extension of their bedroom and every pair of shoes you see belongs to the two of them. The black dresser is full of shoes. The wall cubby too. I want to tell them to find space in their room or get rid of shoes. My bedroom door opens right up to their black dresser and their shoes are on both sides of my door now. Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill or should they be more considerate of common space? submitted by /u/0ddLemon to r/badroommates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is still u/LadySavings. She posted in r/AITAH I wrote two previous BORU posts here and here. This post was too long to include all of the posts, so I included OOP's tldr's of the first two posts and then the most recent updates, including the newest. The newest update will be marked with ***** Trigger Warning: infidelity; Andrew Tater Tot idiocy Mood Spoiler: OOP is going to be ok but also yikes and the AUDACITY Original Post: July 3, 2023 TL;DR: Husband and I (33M/33F) are fairly high income earners (about 200K/year each), own our home free and clear, no other debts of any kind - we save close to half of our income and most finances are joint but we allocate $1500/month each (plus any extra income such as from bonuses or side hustles) for "fun money" (for hobbies, luxury goods, outings with our own friends that aren't together, etc.). Husband tends to spend his fun money month to month due to his expensive hobbies (primarily golf) while I tend to save the majority of mine because my interests (such as running and baking) are less expensive. I have been getting back into gaming lately, though, and having saved up more than enough of my fun money, I spent $5K on a new gaming rig and really nice desk and chair. Husband blew a gasket and accused me of "financial infidelity" even though I was operating within what I thought were our agreed-upon rules by spending my own allocated fun money on hobby stuff. Update Post: July 11, 2023 (8 days later) TLDR: husband told me he was actually upset that he feels I'm not professionally ambitious enough because I'm not on the "executive" track like he is, and that (despite my working full-time) he wanted me to cook fancier meals, set the table in a more elegant way, and dress up more for dinner - yes, like a 1950s housewife Update Post: July 18, 2023Hi All...so I have an additional (and probably not very surprising) update to my saga. So, the more I thought about it, the more his requests - demands, really - were sitting poorly with me. I decided to try a little experiment over the weekend to see what would happen if I tried to meet some of his demands. NOT because I actually thought they were reasonable, but because I increasingly had the sense that the goalposts would just keep moving and that I was playing a losing game. So, Saturday morning, I went to the salon for a glow-up (haircut, fresh highlights, mani/pedi) then went to the farmer's market to pick up fresh flowers for our table and assorted other gourmet ingredients. Saturday is usually our date night out but I suggested we stay in so I could make us a special dinner, steakhouse style (lobster bisque, bread basket with several types of rolls/savory muffins made from scratch, crab-stuffed mushrooms, filet mignon, au gratin potatoes, white chocolate mousse topped with raspberries). I wore a lavender (his favorite color on me) sheath dress and high heels and fully done hair and makeup. For all that I got a lukewarm "thanks, it was tasty" and a kiss on the cheek. Of course I did all the serving and cleanup. Sunday we usually go out but he suggested I make us brunch at home. So I made French-press coffee, mimosas with fresh-squeezed orange juice, Belgian waffles with a bananas Foster topping, eggs scrambled with parmesan and fresh herbs from our garden, roasted fingerling potatoes, and maple-glazed bacon. I wore a blue sleeveless sundress, wedge sandals, again did my hair and makeup. Again I got a "thanks, it's good" and no help with serving or cleanup. Afterwards I asked if this is what he had in mind when he critiqued me before. He said that it was a start, but that I was "acting very entitled for wanting credit for basic adulting." He then dropped a bomb that he was being so hard on me because he had realized lately I had a lot to make up for due to my being a "low-value woman." I asked what on earth he meant by that and he said it was because I wasn't a virgin when we met. WHAT?!?! Keep in mind we started dating at 21, neither of us claimed to be virgins or stated that as an expectation. Except for very religious people (neither of us is) I don't think most 21-year-old college students are virgins. I was upfront with him then that I'd had two previous partners, my high school boyfriend (we went our separate ways when we went to different colleges in different parts of the country) and another boyfriend I'd had my first year of college. And that's it, both committed relationships and nothing casual. He then went on to say that because of my low value, I was going to need to be making it up to him for the rest of my life. That I didn't deserve monogamy or equal treatment and that I was lucky that anyone at all wanted to marry me. And - that he's "connected" with someone from work so if I wanted to keep him I'd better step up. I told him it didn't sound like there was anything to keep if he no longer loved me (or even liked or respected me). Told him to leave and he said he would gladly go to his girlfriend's place. I know SO many people here insisted he was having an affair and I just didn't want to see it, that his "complaints" were really all part of a campaign to distance himself from me. I feel SO foolish for just thinking he was going through a stressful time at work or that he genuinely wanted to work on our marriage. Anyway I have taken the week off from work to get my head together. Have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow. Canceled the marriage counseling appointment but got a referral to an individual therapist who can do an intake session with me later in the week. He (and the girlfriend apparently) are coming this evening to get more of his clothes and things so I have to brace myself for that. Also, please be assured I do NOT think I am low-value in any way. I let my husband make me think less of myself on some levels for a short time but now I truly see it was a "him" problem. Obviously we don't share the same goals and values and he has become someone I don't recognize. I know the divorce won't be fun or easy, but I will be okay. Thank you all for helping me see that I was being played before I wasted too much more time in a marriage that was already over. Relevant Comments: One last gem from the 'husband': "Yes, it seems like he fell down a toxic masculinity hole at some point fairly recently. Retroactively punishing me for not being a virgin at the outset, after a 12-year relationship including 10 years of marriage, is just completely over the top. I even said, "So this person you connected with at work, is actually a virgin?" "Well, she WAS," he said, with a smirk. (So, virgin or not, someone who would sleep with a married colleague is higher-value than me? Unless he lied about his marital status/situation which I wouldn't put past him.)" "Yes, he admitted he has been having an affair for several months. He kept trying to say that "it doesn't really count as cheating" because I'm low-value so the standards are different." Update Post 2: July 20, 2023 (17 days from OG post) Hi All - I wasn't going to post another update (at least not this soon), but have gotten dozens of DMs/messages asking if I am okay and how things are going - so this is specifically in response to those who were checking in on me. To recap my story, I first posted a couple weeks ago that my husband accused me of financial infidelity after I spent $5K of my own "fun money" allotment on a gaming computer, desk and chair, even though my spending was within our agreed-upon rules; he subsequently "admitted" that he wasn't really upset about the gaming setup, but about what he perceived as a lack of professional ambition (I'm a senior software dev and we make the same salary at the moment), plus he wanted me to cook more elaborate meals, put more effort into home decor, and dress up more for him. Finally, about a week later he accused me of being "low value" due to not being a virgin when we met (at age 21 - neither was he - and he never once previously criticized that in our 12 years together) and told me he was having an affair with a younger coworker who had been a virgin (gross, I know). Then he moved out (and in with her). Folks have been asking me this week how things went with him picking up his stuff, meeting with my lawyer, etc. so wanted to share those updates for anyone interested. So, he was supposed to come get his stuff on Tuesday evening, a couple days ago, but told me at the last minute he couldn't because "Amy" (his girlfriend) wasn't feeling well. Some people called in the comments, but yes, she's pregnant apparently. He told me this on text so I have proof of the affair in writing now, it's not just his word against mine. Anyway I didn't want him to keep jerking me around on the schedule, for whatever reason, so I told him I'd pack his stuff for him and arrange for movers. I think it's better that way, I really didn't want him/them in the house. I already had arranged for a friend to come over on Tuesday when he and Amy were supposed to come by so the two of us spent the evening packing his clothes and other personal effects. The movers came yesterday and got the boxes and the furniture items he wanted. He didn't want much, just the stuff from his home office and his dresser, as apparently Amy's apartment is small. I provided a detailed inventory and photos of everything, which he approved, so he can't say that I broke or otherwise ruined his stuff. After that yesterday I went to the clinic to get STD tests (won't have the results for a week or so, but thankfully I haven't had any symptoms) and met with my lawyer, who said I had a good case for grounds of adultery and mental cruelty if I want/need to go that route (at a minimum it's leverage to get him to settle quickly and quietly). Also locked down all the finances within the parameters provided by the lawyer so that he can't empty our joint funds or take anything that belongs to me, changed account beneficiaries and all that fun stuff. Changed the locks to the house too. I decided to take the advice of some of the commenters and am getting rid of the bed and other bedroom furniture I shared with him (I'm donating it, someone is coming this afternoon to haul it all off) and am going to completely redecorate the bedroom to my own taste (that will take a bit, staying in one of the guest rooms in the meantime). I'm also taking a spa weekend away, leaving tomorrow morning and back Sunday night, just to get a change of scenery before I have to go back to work next week. And yes, even after buying the gaming setup, I have plenty of "fun money" left in my account to afford my lawyer's retainer and redoing the bedroom as well as my getaway, with plenty left over - here's to frugality when it counts! Those are the main updates for the moment. I'm doing better than expected, I think, and realizing more day by day that it really wasn't a good marriage, at least not for the last couple years when he started expecting me to do everything around the house, and all the other emotional labor of running our lives outside of work, with no help and little to no gratitude. Amy sure is going to have her hands full. EDIT: Once again, I cannot thank everyone here enough! I need to get ready for my spa weekend away :) so apologies if advance if I have not responded to your comment or DM, but I am really grateful for all the support and encouragement. Hopefully there won't be any more notable updates for a while - I really just want a smooth and easy divorce and to get on with my life - so please keep your fingers crossed for me! Relevant Comments: The incoming child: "Also, he was hard-core childfree before (I didn't want kids either, but he was especially militant about it). I mean, maybe he changed his mind, but it doesn't seem like this was exactly a planned pregnancy. Plus, he can't even be bothered to put his own laundry in the hamper or put a dish in the dishwasher - how is he going to deal with an infant? Anyway, not really my problem and I guess he'll figure it out (or not)." Is he her superior at work? "My understanding is that that they are peers (he isn't her boss) - I don't think it is against the rules for coworkers of the same level to date. At least not as some of our (well, his, really) friends met at work there and it wasn't an issue. So for that reason I think I'll stay out of it, especially as I do want him to stay gainfully employed until the divorce is completely final. Still, I agree it's awfully foolish to have an affair at work that results in a pregnancy while one of the people is still married. I mean, you can't hide that messiness, it's going to be physically obvious." Further info on that: "Right, it's probably going to cause some drama at the office but isn't fireable unless they do something even more foolish like getting caught in the act at work. (As far as I know nothing like that happened, when he was disclosing the affair the other day he said that he often went to her place after work when he was supposedly working late, and sometimes on Saturdays instead of playing golf.)" How is a 24 year old making the same amount of money as your ex? "They are both in an executive training program for fairly recent MBA graduates. Amy is apparently some sort of prodigy who got hers at 21. My STBX started out in supply chain management, then the company paid for his MBA which he finished a couple years ago, and after that he moved to the finance side and was accepted into the training program earlier this year." "She's 24, apparently graduated from college at 18 and got her MBA at 21. And he just got his MBA a couple years ago, was on a different business operations track before switching to finance." *****Latest Update: August 17, 2023***** (About 1 month from last post) Not sure if folks remember, but I had a series of posts earlier in the summer (actual links in my profile) - first, about whether I was the AH for buying an expensive gaming PC, desk and chair with my own allocation of "fun money," leading to an accusation of "financial infidelity" from my husband. Later he told me the actual issue was that he was disappointed by my job (senior software dev, but not on the executive management track), relatively casual appearance (not dressing up in dresses, makeup and heels for dinners at home) and my failure to cook extremely elaborate multi-course meals on a nightly basis. After a simple experiment showed that changing these things (the cooking and appearance, anyway) would not actually make him happy, he accused me of being "low value" because I wasn't a virgin when we met (in college, 12 years go, something he had never stated was an issue before) and then admitted he was cheating with a coworker. Who is now pregnant. Last I updated, he had moved in with Amy (his coworker) and we were starting the divorce process. I'm updating again here because a lot of kind people have been checking in with well-wishes and to see how I'm holding up. Sorry for not updating sooner, but as soon as I got back from the spa weekend I mentioned in my last update, I dove into working with my attorney on the divorce settlement, and didn't think it wise to put my business on the Internet, however anonymously, with the legal issues up in the air. The good news is that we were able to come to an agreement pretty quickly and everything is now executed (just waiting for the court date which could take another couple months, but my lawyer says the agreement is airtight). It wasn't quite as favorable as most of you all lovely folks probably would have wanted for me, but I was highly motivated to get it done fast. I did get everything that really mattered to me: first, the house I inherited from my grandmother is 100% mine, along with all the furnishings and other effects in the house. My own retirement accounts and my "fun money" account are all mine as well. Otherwise, I did have to give him 75% of the other cash assets. Although he wasn't on the title for the house, he did contribute substantially to the large renovation we did, as well as to upkeep since then, and the house appreciated very substantially in the years since we moved in. It's fine as I still have plenty of money, especially as I'm quite frugal most of the time and can rebuild cash savings quickly. Our agreement also states that neither of us has a claim on each other's past, present or future earnings. So in case something happens and he loses his job before the court date, I won't be liable for any alimony. This is actually overall a very good deal for me and gives me a lot of security. (In case anyone is wondering how we got this done so quickly: our state allows divorce on "mutual consent" grounds, which basically allows for a quick divorce without a legal separation period if the parties come to an agreement about all the finances/assets. Given that Amy is pregnant, my soon-to-be-ex (let's call him "Joe" - yes, like the psychopath in the show You) was also very motivated to not drag this out.) Now for the real dirt of this update: last weekend, shortly after all our papers were signed, Amy reached out to me. She asked if we could meet and talk. Perhaps I should have declined, but I will admit I was curious about the "24-year-old prodigy and until recently a virgin" person who was Joe's affair partner, so I agreed to meet her for lunch. So, the first thing is, Amy is *very* pregnant, like third trimester. She confirmed she is due in mid-October, which means the affair has been going on a whole lot longer than Joe let on. Whatever, it's water under the bridge as the divorce is almost final. However, after some polite but chilly pleasantries, she asked me, when am I going to be moving out of the house? Because surely Joe has been patient enough with giving me time to get my life together? And her apartment is small and they are needing space for the baby. Uhhhh...what? I told her she must be mistaken as the house is mine, inherited from my grandmother, but asked her...what else has Joe told her about me, and our marriage? And...lie after lie (Joe's lies, that is) tumbled out of her mouth, along with crumbs of the real story. These gems include: Well, it was true that she and Joe met at work. But it was about a year ago, when they were both interviewing for the executive training program they are now in. Amy said, though, that they first became friends before getting together romantically. Apparently, Joe told her that he was legally married but that we had been "separated in spirit and living separate lives" since 2020. But that he didn't want to kick me out and make me homeless during the pandemic because I didn't make much money and we live in a HCOL. Joe told Amy that we met in our early 20s when he was mentoring me in a GED prep program - that I was a high school dropout who was struggling with addiction, and essentially, that he "rescued" me. Helped me get clean, tutored me for my GED, and had been supporting me since through gradually working on college classes. He told Amy I was working on prepping for an IT career and was currently making $45K as a help desk technician and that he wanted to make sure I could at least afford a studio apartment. He also told Amy that we had "separated" because I had relapsed and he couldn't have a meaningful relationship with a drug addict. (Uhhh...all this is lies. My entire history of drug use is occasionally sharing a joint in college, maybe 4-5 times total, never anything harder.) It is true that Amy was a 24-year-old virgin prodigy. She seemed dismayed that Joe had told me that, though (at least the virgin part). Said it wasn't a moral issue, she really was just focused on school and work and didn't make time to date. And that generally guys her age seemed mostly interested in casual hookups, especially the younger finance bro types, and she wasn't interested in that, but that Joe took the time to get to know her and was actually interested in a meaningful relationship. I asked her if the pregnancy was...planned? She said no, of course not, but it was a miracle because Joe had a vasectomy, so they took that as a sign that they should keep the baby. (Uhhh...no, Joe did NOT have a vasectomy. As we were planning to be a child-free couple I suggested it a couple times over the years, he firmly stated he didn't want to alter his body like that, so he left birth control as my responsibility.) So...it really does seem that Amy is pretty blameless here. I mean, those of us who have been around the block would likely know not to believe a guy who claims to be "separated" but is still legally married and living with his wife, but...without her having any dating/relationship experience I can see where she would have taken him at his word, about everything. After all, I didn't know anything was amiss with Joe until a couple months ago - and I was married to him. Of course Amy didn't want to believe me, and I don't blame her for that either...after all, she's been in a relationship with Joe for close to a year and is 7+ months pregnant with his baby, who is coming soon, ready or not. I couldn't immediately refute everything she said, but showed her a couple things - first, a picture of me in my late teens with my grandmother in front of my house, and also, my Linkedin profile which shows my current job and education. Told her to do what she wanted with the info and to please stay safe and take care of herself, and then said my goodbyes. Yes, it was all very odd and unexpected and surreal. Sorry this is so long but figured those following my tale would be interested in this turn. I am not sure if I will update again...maybe in a year or so when I have truly processed everything with lots of therapy and am hopefully on to living my best life. As for Joe and Amy, it's up to them to find whatever their path is. I do hope she wises up and leaves him but am sadly not confident about that. I'm sure he will be able to spin all this in his favor because that's what he does. But I also can't make it my problem anymore. Relevant Comments: "I think I've determined that because Amy's pregnancy was progressing he was starting to get nervous about how he would juggle everything and decided to preemptively blow up the marriage in order to get the upper hand. So none of those things were genuine critiques, they were just designed to throw me off-balance." I hope Amy kicks him to the curb: "I hope so, for her sake. He's obviously not husband and father material. But I have to detach from caring about the outcome, even if I do feel bad for her falling victim to his charms in such a disastrous way." How did she take it when you said you owned the house? "She didn't really believe me about the house and said she was going to have to talk to Joe about it. She said she hoped I would think about it and not be so stubborn and that the offer remained open to take the money she offered to move out by the end of September." Moving forward: "After Joe I think I am going to take a long hiatus from men and dating. And I think anyone I date any more than extremely casually will be subject to an extensive background check!" Maybe the reason he didn't have more fun money was that he was spending it on her: "Oh yes, definitely! A lot of the "golf days" were actually spent with her (not golfing) and he only played golf once or twice a month, not weekly as he represented to me." "Apparently he convinced her that the reason he could never spend the night with her (during most of the past year, before he moved in with her) was that I tended to get high in the evenings and he was always worried I would OD if he wasn't there to keep an eye on me." Did you tell her he didn't really have a vasectomy? "I did tell her, but her answer to that was to insist that he did have one, he just didn't want to tell me. Because he had only gotten one because although he did want kids, he didn't want to bring them into the world with a drug addict spouse." He smeared your character, make sure to let your lawyer know: "I will definitely ask my attorney about it, to see if he will need to put out some kind of statement correcting the record or can at least be prohibited from telling more of these lies. You're right that I don't want any of this getting back to my own family, friends and colleagues. Although, I think it does work in my favor that he told SO many lies, for example, that I was a high school dropout and that we met while he was tutoring me for my GED, which is easily disprovable. So if he'd lie about that - why would people believe anything else he says about me?" Editor's note December 2, 2023: Final update here submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I (32m) and my wife (31f) have a bedroom, two malm dressers, and a cat. I will preface this by saying I am - generally - a fairly neat and tidy person. I clean up after myself, I regularly vacuum, my things are mainly organized, and I don't like filth and clutter. Our home is generally not messy or dirty. There is one exception. On top of one of the malm dressers, the one that contains my clothing, there are probably six or seven shirts, hoodies, etc. that are just strewn about. And they've been there for awhile. At first, this pile began as a place where I just sat clothes that I was going to re-wear the next day - a hoodie, a light jacket, clean sweatpants that I had only wore for a few hours, etc. But over time it also became a dumping ground for shirts that need a button re-attached, etc. Some of these shirts have been there for months because neither of us know how to sew and neither of us are probably learning how to sew any time soon. This has always been a slight annoyance to my wife. This has become complicated, though, because one of our cats has really taken a shine to this pile of clothes. It's high up, it gets sunshine for the window, and it's dirty clothes. That's primo cat real estate. Little homie sits up there like six, seven, hours a day. The clothes are now covered in a fine layer of orange fur. It's very cute. He's clearly very happy. I have christened the dresser "Dirty Clothes Tower." My wife is a gentrifier. She wants to evict my kitty from the tower. She wants it to be clean, sterile. Raise rents. Put in some horseshit gastropub called "Hook and Arrow." An Orangetheory. Put a "proper cat bed" up there, some fucking gentrification box lookin' ass apartment building type shit. My kitty likes it how it is. He likes the mess. Kitties love dirty clothes. It's the only part of the house that is messy. I continue to defend the existence of dirty clothes tower. Occasionally I add a new garment. This is the only thing that we argue about. She thinks I am being a child. I think it is harmless and the cat likes it so it's cute. Am I the asshole for refusing to put these clothes in the hamper? submitted by /u/botwtotkoverrated to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/franko6 to r/Frugal [link] [comments]