Eufy Baby Monitor E20 Vs E21

Second time around Hoping not to be exclusively pumping but we all know that’s not our choice always haha I primarily used the Zomee z2 last time. I actually didn’t have much luck with wearables I was curious about baby Buddha last time but was nervous the suction might be too strong for me as my nipples were previously damaged by the medela pump in style. I did try out a spectra pink one used, I am not sure if I just couldn’t figure out the settings or if it didn’t work for me.. but it just felt off. I didn’t make as much but I was pretty far into my journey and was used to the zomees fast setting at that point. I have loads of pumps and inserts, warmers/massagers, pretty much anything you might need. So as I go in getting my next pump via insurance, I’m just not sure what to do. Knowing I don’t do well with wearables, I am tempted to go for the spectra as I can individually adjust the sides and i experienced quite a few clogs last time that I think this would’ve helped with submitted by /u/geenuhahhh to r/ExclusivelyPumping [link] [comments]

Soon to be Second time mom. Exclusively pumped with first due to latch issues/tongue and lip tie. I don’t want to do that again. If there’s latch issues I refuse to stress myself with pumping around the clock with a newborn AND a toddler. I still have my Spectra that I used exclusively for 8 months. It was still working well when I stopped using it. I also have a momczy wearable that was fine but don’t love. Since I only plan to use this pump when building a supply before going back to work (I’m a nurse and can use hospital Medela at work), occasionally to make bottles for my husband to feed baby, and of course the possibility to pump some if baby doesn’t latch, what should I get?? Eufy S1 or Baby Buddha. I’ve been so back and forth!! Give me all the insight please!! My only hold up with the Baby Buddha is the regular flanges. I want to have freedom of movement with a toddler running around. If you have tried collection cups with them let me know pros/cons and which ones you like as well. Thanks so much! submitted by /u/Affectionate-Lab0309 to r/ExclusivelyPumping [link] [comments]

I think I’ve narrowed it down to those two because they seem to be what people generally recommend. I looked at the Nanit for a while but it seems like it’s similar quality for more money, and I don’t love the idea of yet another subscription. Also like the idea of a monitor not solely on my phone. I’m 39 weeks and it’s the last thing I need to make a decision on but my goodness am I tired and ready to tap out. Can anyone recommend one over the other? What are your favorite features? Either have a good compatible stand so I don’t have to mount anything? Would you recommend a totally different camera? I don’t really have a preference with WiFi/non WiFi Please help. Thank you! submitted by /u/maybeokay0 to r/Buyingforbaby [link] [comments]

This post exists because the baby monitor market is full of marketing garbage. You’ll see things like: “AI-powered sleep insights” “breathing analytics” “crystal-clear 2K video” Meanwhile in real life: your app lags when your baby cries your monitor dies in the middle of the night you still end up walking into the room anyway So before you waste money on the wrong thing, here’s the reality. Stop comparing features. You’re supposed to choose a category first. Most people screw this up immediately. They compare: resolution features brands None of that matters if you pick the wrong type. There are only three categories that matter. WiFi monitors (the overhyped category) Examples: Nanit Smart Baby Monitor Owlet Dream Sock CuboAi Smart Baby Monitor These are sold as “smart parenting tools.” What they actually are: app-dependent notification-heavy subscription-driven Yes, they can be useful. But let’s be honest. Most people: stop checking sleep analytics ignore half the notifications just want to see if the baby is asleep You’re paying for features you won’t use. Non-WiFi monitors (the boring ones that actually work) Examples: Infant Optics DXR-8 PRO Babysense PRO No app. No internet. No updates. You turn it on, it works. That’s it. And guess what: These are the monitors people complain about the least. Because they don’t try to be clever. Hybrid monitors (the only category most people should buy) Examples: eufy Security Baby Monitor E20 Momcozy BM04 You get: a real screen at home app access when you actually need it No forced trade-offs. This is the category most people end up wishing they bought. Things people obsess over (and shouldn’t) Let’s kill a few myths. Resolution Nobody needs 2K video to check if their baby is asleep. A stable 720p feed is more useful than a laggy “high resolution” one. AI features Cry detection, sleep analytics, movement tracking. Sounds impressive. In reality: you’ll ignore it after two weeks or it will annoy you Smart insights You don’t need an app to tell you your baby woke up. Things that actually matter (and will annoy you if they’re bad) Battery life If your monitor dies overnight, everything else is irrelevant. This becomes your biggest complaint. Reliability A basic monitor that works every time is better than a “smart” one that glitches. Screen vs phone Using your phone sounds convenient. Until you’re unlocking it 20 times a night. Split-screen (if you have two kids) Switching between cameras manually gets old very fast. VOX mode Screen stays off until your baby makes noise. This is one of the most useful features and barely anyone talks about it. Comparison chart (read this instead of 20 product pages) Smart / WiFi monitors Model Type Resolution Screen Use case Nanit Smart Baby Monitor WiFi 1080p App + display Sleep tracking Owlet Dream Sock Wearable N/A App only Health monitoring CuboAi Smart Baby Monitor WiFi AI 2.5K App only Alerts These are for people who want data. Not for people who just want to monitor a baby. Hybrid monitors (the only category most people should look at) Model Resolution Screen Battery Why it exists eufy Security Baby Monitor E20 2K 5" ~9 hrs Flexible Momcozy BM04 1080p 5" 10+ hrs Best value This is the sweet spot. Non-WiFi monitors (most reliable) Model Resolution Screen Cameras Why people buy it Babysense PRO Full HD 1080p 5.5" 2 Multiple kids Infant Optics DXR-8 PRO 720p 5" 1 Reliability These don’t try to be smart. That’s why they work. Audio-only monitors Model Battery Use case VTech DM1411 ~8 hrs Travel Simple and effective. What I would actually tell someone in real life Not a list. Not a comparison. Just actual advice. If you want something that works without thinking: buy Infant Optics DXR-8 PRO If you want the best balance: buy eufy E20 If you have two kids: buy Babysense PRO If you are anxious and want health tracking: buy Owlet Dream Sock (but expect false alarms) If you want cheap and functional: buy GoodBaby SM663 Common mistakes people keep making Buying WiFi monitors with bad internet Then blaming the monitor. Paying for features they don’t use Most people don’t need “smart” anything. Ignoring battery life This always comes back to bite you. Assuming expensive = better Not in this category. Final reality There are three types of buyers: People who think they want smart features People who actually want reliability People who realize too late they picked wrong Most people should be buying hybrid monitors. But they don’t. The blunt recommendation If you don’t want to overthink this: buy a hybrid monitor and move on Everything else is either overkill or compromise submitted by /u/Alternative-Craft250 to r/KnowBeforeBuy [link] [comments]

Picking a monitor is somehow more stressful than labor. What scares me is: One, buying a monitor that false alarms every night and won't let me get my sleep. Two, getting one that stops working the first time we travel to my parents' house. So my question for the Nanit owners, do you actually use the sleep data or does it just make you more anxious? For the Miku owners, does the no wearable breathing tracking work when you're not at home? Quick update - We went with the Nanit and so far so good into the testing. No false alarms. Love that it tracks breathing without any wearables, and love that it helps me and my partner get the same alerts. A bit pricey but for us, it's worth the peace of mind. submitted by /u/Cleofe_Exarheas to r/BabyBumps [link] [comments]

This is the official Eurovision Live Blog of Vienna 2026, coming to you from right in front of the Wiener Stadthalle stage! We’re sharing what we see as the artists rehearse their performances for the very first time. Got questions about anything? Ask away in the comments section! We’re here all day. We wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else, would you? 🤩 Here’s the rehearsal schedule for Day 1. We start with Moldova, apparently take a brief detour to Palma de Mallorca (???) and after five more countries have rehearsed, we end the day with Finland. Fin. 10:30 🇲🇩 Moldova: Satoshi - Viva, Moldova! 11:10 🇸🇪 Sweden: FELICIA - My System 11:50 🇭🇷 Croatia: LELEK - Andromeda 12:45 🇬🇷 Greece: Akylas - Ferto 13:25 🇵🇹 Portugal: Bandidos do Cante - Rosa 15:00 🇬🇪 Georgia: Bzikebi - On Replay 15:40 🇫🇮 Finland: Linda Lampenius x Pete Parkkonen - Liekinheitin All times are in CEST. Which is appropriate, because if you open your map app in Vienna and zoom out, you realise that you really are right in the heart of Europe, they’re not just saying that because it sounds poetic ❤️🤍❤️ --------------------------------------- 10:15 - We're in Wiener Stadthalle The Live Blog is where Eurovision fans and friends come to get the very first insight into what all 35 performances are going to look like on 12 | 14 | 16 May. Before our photos are published and our preview clips released, this is your place to discover every detail and ponder every prop. Until the visuals arrive, you can rely on our words. And as we’re in Austria, the ghost of Edgar Allan Poe might even be popping up to assist. Who The Hell Is?... First things first. Your gal Heidi, who you’ll remember from doing the Live Blog in previous years, is currently off on a multiple-week jaunt around Europe. But she hopes to be chatting with you again in the future 💬 Instead, you’ve got me, the social media guy. I write the captions across the Eurovision social media platforms all year round. And it’s nice to not be restricted by a shorter character limit here, because I’m sure there’ll be plenty to say. --------------------------------------- 10:30 - Moldova and mash-ups We're waiting for Satoshi to take the stage. He said it would happen and he was right - Moldova is about to be on duty! I was humming Viva, Moldova! earlier this morning and it suddenly drifted into Forogj, Világ by NOX. That’s got some monumental mash-up potential right there - 🇲🇩 2026 vs 🇭🇺 2005 In the grand spirit of the Käärijä x Baby Lasagna interval performance at Basel 2025, drop your dream Eurovision mash-ups in the comments below. --------------------------------------- 11:15 - Saluti. A tutti. The first Live Show of Vienna 2026 on Tuesday 12 May has got its party-starter, its hype guy and its on-your-feet crowdpleaser all in one. This is an ideal Semi-Final opener from Moldova - Viva, Moldova! by Satoshi. If you’ve seen the Selecția Națională performance which won in Moldova, you’ll be well aware of the BIG energy that Satoshi exudes by bouncing enthusiastically around the stage. Well, at the Wiener Stadthalle he’s got even more space to cover, and you can tell he’s absolutely in his element exploring every inch of it. He’s as happy to be in Vienna as we are delighted to have him - and Moldova - right here with us. At the start of the performance we even get to see the Moldovan flag beaming out in big lights from behind the screen. And it’s a beautiful sight! Call us Athena Manoukian in 2020 because we’re currently thinking one thing: CHAINS ON YOU! Satoshi is adorned with rows of chain mail on his shoulders, draped over a blinged-out sports top in royal blue. Royal blue - fitting for our Moldovan king 👑 The choice of accessories has caused what you could call a chain reaction… those chains have extended to his band and his co-performers (oh HEEEEY, Aliona Moon, it’s been a minute!), with every outfit accented with a touch of shiny metal. Not that the heavy material is weighing anyone down… So! Much! Bouncing! If you’ve been getting to know Satoshi since his national final win, then you’ll be familiar with his deep appreciation for Japanese culture. He’s ensured that this is on full display here, with a cute n’ colourful backdrop that viewers will no doubt find adorable. Cos it is adorable. And features even more bouncing. --------------------------------------- 11:40 - First Look photos are on their way We’re officially SEATED. And we hope you are too. Our seat is in the Wiener Stadthalle, facing the stage. To our right is a big production team that are checking every performance closely on their monitors. They’re made up of lovely folk from the Austrian broadcaster ORF, as well as our Eurovision office besties. To our left is the phenomenally talented Eurovision photography team 📸 We’re truly blessed to have Corinne, Sarah-Louise and Alma are back with us once again. They’re gonna be darting around the arena at an impressive speed, taking gorge pics of all 35 First Rehearsals and painstakingly choosing the best shots to upload. The first images will be released tomorrow on the Eurovision Song Contest Instagram and Facebook! Now, Sweden is up next. Time to open our head, our heart... --------------------------------------- 12:00 - MY 💥 MY 💥 MY SYSTEM Guys, we’re shaking. We’re physically shaking. Not because we’re in the presence of icon FELICIA (though that can’t be fully counted out), but because those banging synths near the end of the song (you know the part we mean, we know you know) are making the arena floor actually vibrate. It’s like a potent current of epic electronica is running underneath us. And it’s not an unpleasant feeling, truth be told. FELICIA is dressed in black and sparkling red, the colours of a Black Widow - which is incidentally the name of her debut single, if you’re on the hunt for more FELICIA bops. It ain’t the black and red number you saw at Melodifestivalen, however; her outfit’s had a system upgrade! The performance opens with FELICIA getting the wind-machine treatment, parting a cloud of smoke and revealing the Swedish singer standing on stage. Well, revealing her as much as one can behind that mask. And yes, Tuesday night viewers are going to get to enjoy that thrilling switch-out of masks near the end of the song. Accompanied by GIANT FELICIA climbing out of the screens and into the audience. It's still a total gag, no matter how many times you've seen it. As with the Melodifestivalen-winning performance from March, FELICIA is engulfed in lasers throughout. Lots of 'em. But new for Vienna is some interaction! During the second verse we get to see FIGHTER FELICIA literally battling away lasers with her bare hands, before she tames them into doing her bidding. Before long those lasers are framing her poses so that she can look extra stun for audiences at home. This diva knows her lighting. --------------------------------------- 12:35 - Stationed for the Croatian nation There’s just something about being in the presence of the LELEK ladies singing in unison. It changes you. We may never be the same again 🥵 Not long into their performance of Andromeda, we get a stunning shot that really makes use of the catwalk leading from the Green Room up to the stage (and it’s the first time viewers will get to see the catwalk element properly pop). It serves as a dramatic presentation of the Croatian group, giving their arrival to the Eurovision stage the majesty it deserves. LELEK fans will know from their Dora-winning performance that the band LOVE a robe ensemble. The striking fashion choice returns for Vienna, but this time they’ve woven a deep blood-red colour into their scheme. It’s a chilling visual and therefore a superb stylistic choice for a song teeming with this much drama. The ladies aren’t doing all the legwork, however. The screen behind them plays a big role in the telling of their story. It takes the viewer from a mystical cave to an enchanting forest, closing the performance by pulling us through a wormhole at such high speed, it feels like a time warp we have no choice but to travel through. Can that time warp take us back 30 minutes please?... We wanna watch those three run-throughs again! --------------------------------------- 13:00 - Ferto fun for all coming up Everyone has had a well-deserved break, but we're all back in the arena now. Another rehearsal? Ferto! A new performer to see? Ferto! Akylas from Greece? Su léo ferto!!! He's about to take the stage for the first time 🇬🇷 --------------------------------------- 13:35 - Hey kitty kats 😸 Is this real life? We’ve just been taken right inside a video game. And we’re legit winning 🎮 🕹️ 👾 Akylas is taking the Eurovision Song Contest from Arcade to arcade games! This game creates multiple illusions for the viewer and, in it, Akylas wants to introduce you to some new characters. But we’ll let him tell you more about them on Tuesday 12 May… Our Greek hero Akylas turns into a tiger on that Wiener Stadthalle stage. Not least because he’s dressed stylishly in an orange and black palette. The furry boots are out in force, as is the cutie kitty-kat hat with the lil’ ears. No Eurovision fancy-dress party is ever gonna be without one. And Ferto is certain to be a dance floor staple at those parties for at least another 70 years. Just when the audience thinks they are getting to know Akylas, everything changes. He stops, removes his funky shades, steps out of character and addresses his mother in an emotional display. Mommies everywhere are gonna love this. Daddies, too. --------------------------------------- 14:10 - Time to look at the world through Rosa**-tinted glasses 🌹** Portugal’s staging commences with a continuous shot that pans through the lineup of Bandidos do Cante singing to their audience. It’s like a Wall of Song - if the video game theme from the entry before them had continued into this one, then the Portuguese Wall of Song would be a proper ‘final boss’ moment! Like a lineup of football players singing their national anthem before a trophy-deciding match, you can tell that Bandidos do Cante are just as proud to be showcasing their beloved Cante Alentejano genre as the world watches. In Rosa, they’re not just performing in the genre, they’re telling the listener about it, too. If you watched the boys’ performance from Portugal’s Festival da Canção, then you’ll remember that they are momentarily joined by a sixth member! Their violinist is back and contributing a magical moment to proceedings, enhancing the soothing tone that’s already been set by the band. Bandidos do Cante give the First Half of the First Semi-Final a change of beat, which many viewers will no doubt appreciate. The performance ends with the visuals on the screen behind the band springing into life. This is when Rosa blooms, literally and figuratively speaking. And there’s not a thorn in sight. --------------------------------------- 14:15 - BREAKING! 🚨 No, literally, we're going for a break It's lunchtime. And we're gonna need to be on a high-energy bzzzz for Georgia. Not to mention the fire we'll need for Finland! 🔥 See you shortly xoxo --------------------------------------- 15:15 - Ready for replay Shall we talk about the stage? One thing we mentioned in the LELEK write-up was the catwalk element. It runs all the way from centre-stage to a double set of steps leading right up to the Green Room. It ends up splitting the arena completely into two halves. If you enter one side of the floor, you won't be able to pass into the other. One of our favourite things about the Live Shows in recent years has been the camaraderie we’ve seen going on between the artists in the Green Room. Everyone is rooting for one another! With this set-up, the performers are going to be able to strut down the catwalk, look up and see all of their new besties cheering them on. And that’s such a wholesome thought 🥹 Back to Day 1 rehearsals and Georgia are up next. We're gonna watch their song On Replay. Well, for three run-throughs, anyway. --------------------------------------- 15:50 - Don't. Think. Let. Go! It’s the stuff of dreams. Bzikebi representing Georgia at the grown-up Eurovision Song Contest - and they’re dressed fully in black and yellow 🐝🐝🐝 The talented trio are proud to pay homage to the big buzzzz around their Junior Eurovision beginnings and their outfits are a cute Easter eggs for longtime fans. Their hornet-themed high fashion has understandably had quite the glow-up since that Junior victory back in 2008. We’re at Vienna 2026, but Bzikebi look like they’ve come to us from some decades in the future. Yellow catsuits cinched in with black-striped PVC. It’s giving superhero, which is fitting really, because Bzikebi are our very own connecters of the ESC and JESC multiverse. But wait… there’s more! More Bzikebi, that is. Performing behind the Georgian group is a second iteration of the trophy-winning trio. Meet CYBORG BZIKEBI! They may look intimidating (don’t stare into those eyes for too long), but they’re here to help our Bzikebi babes. These cyborg overlords are surging the popstars with power. And with great power comes great… lasers! The laser show on display here is electrifying. Bzikebi weren’t lying when they said they were gonna “la, la, la light it up”. --------------------------------------- 16:40 - He's ready to sing and she's ready to string 🎤 🎻 Have you been likin' Liekinheitin? Linda Lampenius stands alone on the deserted stage of what was once an orchestra. Now, it’s been littered with the overturned chairs and sheet-music stands of Linda’s former musician colleagues. But what could possibly have happened here? Shall we head to the confessional box to find out? There, we find Pete Parkkonen, and he’s been in touch with the wardrobe department for an outfit upgrade. In the confessional box, Pete has got some things he’d like to get off his chest - and this all-new open top of his is gonna make that an easy-breezy process. It’s not just Pete who’s had an appointment with the Tampere tailors. Linda Lampenius has lightened her colour palette! Her dress, while structurally similar to what you’ll have seen at the Finnish pre-selection UMK, is now a striking silver. It makes her slow descent towards the burning confessional box even more otherworldly to the eye. And it’s difficult to look away - both performers are emanating star power so brightly here. The staging for Liekinheitin has turned the Eurovision Song Contest into an Olympic sport, with silver-clad Linda Lampenius going for gold in the sprinting category. When the camera pans away from her towards the big climax of the song, the audience at the Wiener Stadthalle will be able to watch as our heroic violinist races towards the back of the stage to be reunited with her duet partner. There, she’s lifted up onto the abandoned orchestra seating for a final showdown with Pete. It brings him to his knees and the set goes up in flames, destroying all evidence! --------------------------------------- 16:50 - Now it's your turn! We just had our big finish with the Finnish! Linda Lampenius x Pete Parkkonen were the last act to rehearse for Day 1. Social media guy has some social media stuff to do, but I'm sticking around here for a little while too. Ask me some questions in the comments below and I'll see what I can answer. --------------------------------------- 17:30 - What to look forward to tomorrow What a day. What a tonne of top-tier tunes. What a load of lasers. We'll be back tomorrow morning at 10:00 CEST sharp ⏰ And we've got all this to look forward to: 🇲🇪 Montenegro: Tamara Živković - Nova Zora 🇪🇪 Estonia: Vanilla Ninja - Too Epic To Be True 🇮🇱 Israel: Noam Bettan - Michelle 🇧🇪 Belgium: ESSYLA - Dancing on the Ice 🇱🇹 Lithuania: Lion Ceccah - Sólo Quiero Más 🇸🇲 San Marino: SENHIT - Superstar 🇵🇱 Poland: ALICJA - Pray 🇷🇸 Serbia: LAVINA - Kraj Mene We'll also be posting some First Look Photos from today's rehearsals, so that you can finally get to see a glimpse of how things will look. Oh, and mark your diaries for 10:00 CEST on Monday, too. Not only will we be back with Day 3 of the Megathread, we'll also be revealing some news about the Live Shows on eurovision.com 👀 submitted by /u/eurovision to r/eurovision [link] [comments]

My friend is a first time parent with a two week old. He mentioned his wife is always checking the baby's breathing at night. It wakes him up every time she gets up so they aren't getting enough sleep. I haven't got them a present yet so I've been looking at nanit and miku because I read they both track breathing without any wearables on the baby. If anyone has tried either one, or both, does the tracking help calm your anxiety? No false alarms? Which one is better? Update here: I got them the Nanit since it also has the monitoring thing. He told me she sleeps better now knowing the monitor tracks breathing and there were no false alarms so far so they're both getting the rest they needed. submitted by /u/KadioNuma_49 to r/NewParents [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/No_Square_1491 to r/UninfluencedReviews [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/LeighBeeMue AITA for wanting one night without being woken up by a baby OR a grown man playing PlayStation? Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU TRIGGER WARNING: Neglect, sleep deprivation, burnout, and gaming addiction My(29F) fiancé (30M) has been gaming since he got home from work 8 hours ago. Oct 5, 2020 This is a normal occurrence. I went down and Nicely asked if he would come hang out before bed so we could have some time together. He said he just wants to game tonight. I’m tired of being put last in my relationship. I do everything for him and put him first. I think I’m ready to leave. But feel like I’ve waisted the past 6 years of my life. What do I do? RELEVANT COMMENTS Alexkarino Sit him down and have a full on conversation with him with what you need from him. If he's not willing to compromise then move on. But I'd recommend trying one last time before calling it quits. Let him know what's at stake before you leave. But then if it doesn't work. Make sure you really leave. Six years is a long time, but we all deserve happiness. OOP I’ve had this conversation with him 3 times this week. It’s like he lives on a different planet from reality. He doesn’t realize how excessive it really is. He said he had plans tomorrow for us. But he always says that and usually it means he might hang with me for an hour. Alexkarino Have you spoken to him about the amount of time he spends playing vs you and why it's a problem? OOP I have I explained how I need a life partner, not someone I see every 8 hours for a few minutes. I explain he spend 90% of his free time gaming and only 10% with me. He said he needs his time alone. I said do you really need 8 -12 hours away from your relationship and gaming online? Why are you in a relationship then. Original Post Nov 17, 2025 (5 years later) I (34F) feel like I’m losing my grip on reality right now and genuinely need outside perspective, because I can’t tell if I’m being dramatic or if this is actually insane. I have a 15-month-old son. He was a horrible sleeper for the first year of his life, waking every 1–2 hours, every night. I’ve been chronically ill since I was 16, and I’m a light sleeper like a really light sleeper, so at this point I’m basically running on the kind of energy toddlers get from a single goldfish cracker. My mom is an amazing grandmother and helps whenever she can, but she had never taken him overnight at her house without me because he just didn’t sleep well enough for her to feel comfortable. Two months ago he finally started sleeping through the night consistently, and this weekend is the first time she felt confident enough to offer a full overnight so I could actually rest. When she heard I had a Friendsmas, something fun but still low-key enough that I’d be home and in bed at a decent time, she offered to take him so I could finally sleep in my own bed without a monitor, without breastfeeding, and without being woken up at 7 AM or earlier like I have been every day for 15 months. Honestly, it felt like she was gifting me a national holiday. I cannot stress this enough: this night was supposed to be my one tiny miracle. Like, I was mentally preparing myself to cry happy tears into my pillow at 10 PM. This last week was hell too. My son had hand, foot and mouth and an ear infection. If you know, you know. I also just started back at work part-time, so naturally every time I tried to rest or nap to manage my chronic illness, my partner (36M) accidentally fell asleep on the couch while I held our sick baby. Truly an impressive demonstration of his commitment to the Olympic sport of Strategic Napping. And on top of all that, my partner games every single night after our son goes to bed. Every night. Four to six hours. To the point where I’m pretty sure the PlayStation and computer consider him an essential employee. I’ve tried everything to cope: a noise machine, AC blasting like I’m trying to recreate the North Pole, a fan that sounds like a jet engine… but I still hear the chair squeaking, the doors opening, the excited headset commentary, and the light show under the door that makes my hallway look like a budget nightclub. If I’m being blunt, I do think he has a gaming addiction or at least a loyalty to the Final Boss that I wish he had toward his actual family. So for this one night, this ONE night, I asked him ahead of time and multiple times: “When I come home from Friendsmas, can you please turn off the game so I can have one peaceful night of sleep? You can game all you want before I get home. And if you don’t think you can do that, maybe go hang with a friend so you’re not bored.” He agreed. Multiple times. Cheerfully. Like I was asking him to pass the salt, not temporarily pause his relationship with his virtual destiny. I went to Friendsmas, had fun, ate snacks, and walked in the door at 11:45 PM. Yes, later than planned, but I was DD’ing my brother and honestly thought giving my partner a few extra hours gaming would be a nice gesture. He’d been feeling off since Monday and was worried he might be getting HFM, so I went by myself. I even brought him snickerdoodle cookies because I felt bad he couldn’t come. Like a thoughtful idiot, apparently. He was gaming when I got home, which was fine. I didn’t say anything immediately. I got into comfy clothes, washed my face, and mentally said goodbye to consciousness. About 15–20 minutes later, I gently said, “Hey, I’m getting ready for bed. Do you mind wrapping up soon?” He immediately acted like I had unplugged his life support. “You ALWAYS get your way.” “I finally got into this game.” “I’m on the LAST mission.” “You ruin every game ending I’ve ever had.” Side note: I do not possess psychic abilities to sense when he’s about to defeat the digital dragon king. If I did, I wouldn’t be living like this. I asked how long the last mission would take and he said he didn’t know. Honestly, if it had been 15–20 minutes, I would’ve happily scrolled TikTok until he wrapped it up. But the last time he said “I don’t know,” I heard his chair squeaking at 3 AM, so forgive me for not feeling reassured. I reminded him that this was the one night my mom had our toddler overnight. The night I had been genuinely looking forward to for so long. I told him I wouldn’t get another chance like this again for a long time. Just three days earlier, after I fainted Wednesday morning, my mom had taken me and the baby to her house because he was too sick to care for the baby alone, and he actually got a full night without the baby then. But this was my night. The one night I desperately needed sleep. The one night we clearly agreed on. I told him he could finish the mission tomorrow, he gets gaming time every night, but I couldn’t just magically schedule another baby-free night whenever I wanted. This was it. He told me to put a towel under the door. Yes. A towel. As if this was Hogwarts and fabric could cancel sound, light, ADHD fidgeting, chair acrobatics, and whatever ritualistic slamming he does while gaming. He told me I was being stupid. Told me to go to my room. Told me I always get a break. Told me I was ruining his night. Told me I should leave him alone because I always get what I want. Meanwhile, I’m standing there crying and shaking like a mom who hasn’t slept since 2023, because, well, I am. I went to my room sobbing while the hallway laser light show continued. Again, the exact thing we agreed would NOT happen. He could have played tomorrow. He plays every night. I don’t get nights like this. And unless you’re a new mom, you do not understand the religious level of reverence one has for the concept of sleep. This night was my Met Gala, except the theme was Silence and Uninterrupted REM Cycles. After crying in my room, still seeing the lights flashing and hearing him, I went back out again. Eyes swollen. Shaking. Voice cracking. I said: “Please. Can you PLEASE just do this for me? I have been so excited for this night.” He looked at me and said, “Go in your room and leave me alone.” Then, as he aggressively turned off the game, he said, “There. You’re getting your way. You should be happy now.” Sir. My way did NOT involve crying for 45 minutes. Thank you very much. I told him, “This is not my way. My way would have been a peaceful, quiet night without a 30–40 minute fight. Without crying. Without anxiety. Without feeling attacked. The night is already ruined.” And yes, full honesty, by the end of this meltdown, after being dismissed, insulted, ignored, and gaslit into questioning my sanity, I snapped a little. I didn’t throw anything dangerous or dramatic. I threw the softest things in the room: A blanket… and my son’s Stitch plushie. Yes, Stitch. As in “ohana means family,” but apparently the PlayStation has seniority. It wasn’t meant to hurt him, more like a pathetic, exhausted exclamation point at the end of a very sad sentence. I’m embarrassed, but I broke. And here I am now, asking: Am I the asshole for wanting eight hours of silence after 15 months of chaos? Or is this actually just what happens when your partner chooses the Final Boss over basic human decency? Update Feb 1, 2026 (over 2 months sice prev. post) First, thank you. Truly. For the support, the tough love, and the comments that made me laugh, cringe, and then nod slowly in agreement. Reading my post again months later, I can confidently say I would’ve left many of the same comments myself. I also want to gently remind people to be kind. When you’re inside the situation, with your health and your family tangled up in it, the obvious choices aren’t always so obvious. So… here’s the update. Well. He’s gone. He officially finished moving out just over a week ago now, though we’ve effectively been separated since the end of December. After writing the original post, I had the serious conversation with him before Christmas… the this-is-me-trying-one-last-time conversation. I explained that I could never be happy with someone who stayed up all night and functioned like a zombie during the day. That I couldn’t be with someone who was okay impacting my sleep and not prioritizing the health of the mother of his child. That I couldn’t live in constant anxiety because I was with a man I couldn’t depend on. I even tried the hypothetical daughter angle, hoping it would land. He agreed. He said he understood. He said he would change. That he wanted to have a daughter and show her what she deserves. THAT VERY NIGHT…!!!! he stayed up gaming all night like the conversation was optional dialogue you can skip. I decided to set a mental checkpoint and just get through Christmas for my family and my son, hoping something might shift. It didn’t. I wasn’t myself over the holidays. I didn’t feel festive around him. When he sent me a picture of his wish list, all video games, I felt like throwing up. I didn’t want to buy gifts the way I normally do. I didn’t want to spend money I was actively scrounging together on someone who, deep down, didn’t seem to care about me the way a partner should. On the exact addiction that ruined my relationship. Yes he is addicted, and act like an addict I will die on that hill. To be fair to him, he did buy me a very sentimental gift… a breastmilk ring I had wanted, and he wrote a genuinely nice card. I appreciated it. But even then, I knew I was in “finish the level so Christmas isn’t ruined” mode, not “this relationship is going to get better” mode. However, like I always have, I was still holding that small glimmer of hope something would shift. Unfortunately, hope can be just as devastating as it can be powerful. Shortly after the original post, my health completely fell apart and stayed that way for over two and a half months. Back-to-back infections. Multiple rounds of antibiotics. A wisdom tooth infection (now needing surgery). Then a cold that turned into a lung infection. Looking back, I think the stress was finally destroying me physically just like it had mentally. It got to the point where lifting my toddler and catching my breath at the same time was genuinely difficult. One afternoon during the lung infection, hours before bedtime, I asked him if he could please take our son to daycare the next morning because I physically couldn’t. I explained that I had struggled badly the day before and was worried about safely carrying him and driving while that sick. I needed to get some rest so I could get better. He said it wouldn’t be a problem. He told me he’d handle it and not to worry. Fast forward to around 3 a.m. I woke up… again… to the familiar flashing strobe lights and gaming chaos outside my door. I got up to go to the bathroom, already knowing exactly what I’d see… and sure enough, he was still gaming. I expressed concern, reminding him he needed to be up in a few hours to take our son to daycare. He told me to stop pestering him. Told me to relax. Told me it would be fine. Rolling his eyes like my concern was unwarranted and “annoying.” It always made me feel like I was crazy. Like my concern about getting enough sleep so he can properly and safely take care of our son was ridiculous.I see that now, how much it affected me. How much I began to second guess myself. The mind games, even if he didn’t mean to do it he quite honestly thought I had no reason to be nervous he wouldn’t be able to get up. Even though it was a repeat pattern. If you played the original game, you already know how this side quest ends LOL. I woke up in the morning and knew immediately he hadn’t gotten up, because I would’ve heard it. He was still asleep. Would not get out of bed. I was sobbing. He would not move. I ended up getting my son ready and driving him to daycare myself, even though I could barely breathe and absolutely should not have been doing it. But I knew I couldn’t have taken care of him all day alone. That was my breaking point. I realized I was playing co-op mode with someone who consistently dropped the controller when it mattered most. When I got home, I told him I was done and that he needed to move out. I gave him a date to be out by. His response to that? More gaming. He gamed nightly until 3/4/5 a.m. all the way to the day he moved. The moving process went exactly how you’d expect: no planning, missed deadlines, last-minute scrambling, damaged walls, and a lot of playing the victim. I felt bad that he had no one to help him, even though it was his own fault for procrastinating like he tends to do. He hadn’t asked anyone for help or booked a truck until the day before, so of course no one was available. He asked me if my brothers would help him, I said he’d have to ask them himself as I would put that on them. He did, but they had plans as you’d expect being asked the day before. And quite frankly probably didn’t want to help him. It was like he expected me to magically change my mind. Because watching him game for weeks on end doing exactly what I said I can’t be around anymore was a convincing tactic to wining me back. But I was just… done. It’s been about a week now. I’m sad for my son, for the family I hoped he’d have. I’m sad about the prospect that I probably won’t ever be pregnant again or have another child. It makes me ache thinking about it and how he could have kids ten years from now because he is a man and it’s different for them. I don’t want to fixate on things out of my control, but the loss is real to me, and I’m very sad. I don’t miss my ex. That’s what has shocked me the most. I thought I’d miss the man I loved for 11 years, who I threw my time and energy into. I think part of me misses who I thought he was, but I stopped living in a world where loving his potential was enough. I don’t miss the noise, the mess, the anxiety, or the constant mental toll of wanting to rely on someone I just knew I couldn’t and how it made me act. I was always in perpetual cleanup mode and I couldn’t shut it off anymore. The first weekend he was gone, I slept EIGHT HOURS STRAIGHT for the first time in nearly seventeen months. I also realized that all those times I thought I was waking up to pee? Yeah. I was gaslighting myself. That was my body reacting to flashing lights, chair squeaking, and chaos… not my bladder. LET ME TELL YOU. Good sleep is a cheat code. I (sort of) regret throwing the Stitch plushie, not because it hurt anyone, but because I never want my son to see me that dysregulated. I don’t want him growing up thinking his mom is angry or miserable all the time. I’m kind. I’m loving. I’m excitable. I’m fun. And I lost that version of myself trying to make this relationship work. That said, it was also the moment I stopped minimizing my feelings. If I hadn’t hit that point, I probably wouldn’t have put everything down in words. I’m scared about being a single mom with limited income right now. But there’s also this unexpected sense of contentment. It’s amazing coming home to a clean place exactly the way you left it. Not picking up underwear off the living room floor. Just knowing what I have to do and knowing I can depend on myself to make it happen (or my family, my mom especially, when needed). It’s only been a week. I know I’m early in the game, but part of me already feels like I’ve leveled up. Maybe I didn’t defeat the final boss… but I finally stopped replaying the same level and expecting a different outcome. Like, come on, woman. The game wasn’t going to change until I stopped playing it. For the first time in a long time, I feel lighter. I don’t know exactly what comes next, but I know this isn’t wrong and life isn’t suppose to be lived on hard mode all the time, and that’s enough for now. TL;DR: Tried co-op parenting, kept carrying the whole team. After months of illness and zero follow-through, I ended the level. He moved out, and I finally feel lighter. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I’m trying to figure out which baby monitor is genuinely worth getting for home use, and I could really use some guidance. There are so many brands and features that it’s overwhelming to know what actually works well. I’m looking for something reliable with clear audio and video, a decent range so I can move around the house, and stable performance during nightly use. Extras like temperature monitoring or lullabies would be nice but aren’t essential. Simplicity and ease of setup are also important since I don’t want to deal with complicated settings in the middle of the night. I’ve read reviews online and checked a few models in stores, but opinions vary widely and it’s hard to tell which ones last and perform well over time. Which baby monitors have you found truly reliable for daily use, and which ones would you avoid if you had to choose again? Appreciate and thank you. Update: After reading through everyone’s comments and doing some research, I decided to go with the Pro 360° Baby Monitor. It seems like a solid choice with clear audio and video, reliable range, and simple setup for everyday use. Thanks to everyone who shared their experiences, it really helped me make a confident decision. submitted by /u/AlexenderVanwinkle55 to r/Appliances [link] [comments]

FTM here and I’m about 3 months along. I keep seeing the Nanit on sale for Black Friday and I’m wondering if it’s actually worth it. I want good quality stuff, but the price has to make sense. I also hate that it comes with a subscription, insights are nice, but not a necessity for me. If anyone has alternatives they like, I’m open to those too. Or if the Nanit is truly worth it, I’ll grab it while it’s 30% off for black friday. I keep seeing it on influencers reviews and everyone and their mum are on the nanit train. Do they usually run sales like this later in the year, or is Black Friday the best time to buy? submitted by /u/GeneralStrong7479 to r/UninfluencedReviews [link] [comments]

Update: Thanks to everyone who shared their experiences! Super helpful reading through all the feedback. I ended up going with Nanit baby monitor. Their app is really useful for checking in during work breaks, and I haven’t had any connection issues at all. I did not expect sleep to be actually useful especially for figuring out nap patterns. Still getting used to all the features, but I can see why a lot of parents here recommended it. Heading back to work soon and trying to decide between baby monitors from Nanit and Owlet. I like the idea of checking in from my phone during breaks, but I’ve read different feedback for both. Some say Nanit’s app is super reliable. Others say Owlet’s sleep tracking is great unless the alerts drive you crazy. Which one do you recommend? I'm looking for something that has stable connection and other helpful features too btw. submitted by /u/Living-Basis4388 to r/newborns [link] [comments]

I made this post on r/guycry and they reccomended I also share this on r/daddit. So I'd like to share my story here... this is a vent heavy post, and the support I've received already has really been inspirational to my family. It’s hard to know where to start. Back at the beginning of January of this year our routine anatomy scan took a dramatic turn. We walked in expecting a ultrasound only to be in a delivery room a hour later. My wife and I found out that she had a life threatening pregnancy complication called preeclampsia at just 21 weeks of pregnancy. To boil it down, we were faced with the decision to terminate our baby, deliver a still birth, or stay pregnant as long as possible till her life was on the line and have a c section and attempt resuscitation on our baby. The only choice for us was resuscitation to give our child the best shot at living. Doctors told us every day that our odds were dismal at less than 15% of survival. Our baby was growth restricted and less than 500 grams. It didn’t matter to us. We chose to have a baby and we were going to do everything we can for her. We spent 2 weeks in the hospital until my wife’s lungs began to retain fluid. She was not breathing well and at a high risk of organs starting to fail. We had to deliver at 23 weeks and 4 days gestation. It was the hardest day of my life. I had to watch my distraught wife go to the operating room where she was prepared for surgery. The doctors told us that when the baby comes out, they would attempt intubation a total of 3 times. Given my baby’s size, they were unsure if even their smallest tools would be able to fit with my baby. If they failed after 3 times assuming my baby makes it to the resuscitation room, then they would bring her back to us to hold her as she passes. I had to watch my wife get cut up and suffer as they worked to pull out my baby. When they got out the baby, we made the decision for me to follow my baby into resuscitation vs staying with my wife. If our baby wasn’t going to make it, one of us had to be with her for every moment of her life. I followed her to resuscitation where 15+ staff were waiting prepared with their tools. My heart was pounding. I knew what was coming and I had prepared myself for the worse. They set my baby down and began to work on intubating her so she could breathe. They failed the first attempt. Sensors were placed on my baby to monitor her vitals, I could see them dropping. At that point i couldn’t stand and I dropped with my back to the wall and on the floor. I needed to collect myself and be strong for my baby. I needed to be there for her. The second attempt began… and they got her intubated. Her vitals began to rise. They covered her in plastic to keep her temperature warm. This hit me even harder. I wasn’t prepared for her to make it. I absolutely am happy with them intubating her but it’s the only scenario I wasn’t truly prepared for and it felt like emotional whiplash. My daughter was alive at 371 grams of weight. Over a hour passed as they got her stable and then rolled her down into the NICU. I felt so many emotions. Mainly shock, fear, sadness, relief, and happiness. While she was alive, I knew that the road ahead of her is long and dangerous. I had to leave her to check on my wife who was recovering and doing. Well to my relief. She was in pain and sick feeling from the drugs, but doing well. I told her about our baby and what had happened. She was emotionally scattered and I had to do my best to be strong for her and be her rock. But while I presented that for her, I was an absolute mess on the inside. I was terrified. We named our baby Phoebe. The next 3 days were high risk as Phoebe would be prone to brain bleeds. We were not able to touch her until after day 3. Then we only lightly rested our fingers on her thin and underdeveloped skin. On day 7 a cerebellar hemorrhage was noted in her head. Luckily this didn’t appear to grow and ultimately resolved itself. The next few weeks would be considered a honeymoon phase as she could go south fast. We had a NEC scare with blood in her stool, but she ended up being okay. All we could do was be there for her for however much time she has. By week 3, we were finally able to hold her with the assistance of two nurses and respiratory therapists. Weeks began to pass and they were all full of scares and fear. We were discharged and had to return home without Phoebe. Our trip was 49 minutes to the hospital each day and we would visit every day. Weeks turned to months. Phoebe was diagnosed with ROP which she received eye injections for. She suffered a fractured rib due to her osteopenia of prematurity. Her lungs are weak and she was unable to extubate. There were multiple days where she became so sick that she had to be paralyzed for over a week to let the ventilator work more efficiently on her. There have been three separate times where I said goodbye to her. I have told her it’s okay to go if that’s what she wanted. I just didn’t want her to suffer. But she would pull through and continue to get stronger. With failed extubation, after 160 days we decided to get her a tracheostomy. This would get the tube out of her mouth and free her head. It allowed her to begin developing as a normal baby would but with higher needs. Despite the odds, Phoebe has endured. She has shown me what true strength looks like. She inspires me. Today, it has been 207 days in the NICU. We don’t know when she can come home but I am hopeful for potentially near Christmas? It’s impossible to tell. Despite her being here today, and how proud of her I am, I’m tired and torn up. The emotional toll of this year has eaten away at me. I’ve had very bad days emotionally and It’s been hard for me to feel happy but I am when I get to see her and she’s doing okay. But even then I am torn up that she has to be sedated and laying in a bed all day while a normal baby would be able to be free of all the wires and pain. It’s not fair for her. A normal baby would get to feel our love all day long. While I wouldn’t change our decision for giving her the best shot at life, on the same token all of her pain and suffering developmental delays are a consequence of my choices. It’s on me and I feel guilt for her pain. She only gets us for a few hours and I wonder if she knows we are her parents. I’m constantly overwhelmed with the thought of Phoebe, wondering if I’ll get a call from the NICU that she’s become sick again. It’s been a battle. My wife is compartmentalizing it okay but she is also going through this and I need to continue to be her rock. I don’t know where else to let this out so I’m venting about it here. I am tired and I just want to have my daughter under my roof. Every day feels like a loop of the last and has become so hard to endure. I love my daughter and I just want to bring her home. Thanks for listening to me vent. If anyone has any tips about this stuff, I’d appreciate it! submitted by /u/manFISH59 to r/daddit [link] [comments]

Hi all, shopping for a baby monitor for our first baby. I like the idea of a closed circuit/non wifi one that can’t be hacked. But I also like the idea of being able to check the monitor from my phone/long range (like when we’re out and she’s with a nanny/babysitter). Would love some input from fellow parents! submitted by /u/levinsreportsnews to r/beyondthebump [link] [comments]

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/pregnant by User Status_Garden_3288. I'm not the original poster. Status: Might be ongoing. Original December 30, 2024 A couple notes upfront: I am a first time mom, and this was a planned and wanted pregnancy. I am still trying to process the last 72 hours which has caused me significant trauma and distress. I am writing this out publicly to warn other mothers. This happened in Texas. I am currently 9+1. I have been in the ER a couple times for severe 24/7 nausea which is triggering significant panic attacks. The nausea is the worst at night and which has been keeping me from sleeping which makes and anxiety worse, plus I’m unable to keep down food and liquids. It’s been seriously horrible. My first two ER doctors (women) were at separate ER locations and both gave me hydration, one gave me Zofran + sugar but then I had issues with the Zofran backing me up. I had another bad night of puking and panic attacks and I called my mom in the morning crying because I was so miserable. She said she would go to a different ER with me, one that was a full hospital that had OBs on staff. When I get there I explain the situation to a male ER doctor who spoke with me for less than 5 minutes. I told him my issues with waking up with nausea, then the panic attacks, then sleeping. I told him that the panic attacks and combined with everything scare me and made me not want to be pregnant anymore but I made I clear to him I just wanted relief and had no plan on hurting myself or anyone else. He refused to give me any medication, not even an IV bag to help with fluids. He sent a social worker to talk to me about the panic attacks and said she could find a facility that would take me who could help with medication + sleep etc. I said Ok because I was so desperate at that point and had been in the ER for hours with no help whatsoever. He never even called OB (I haven’t seen mine yet at all). I haven’t even had an ultrasound. I get sent to the new clinic and by the time I get through processing it’s 3 am and I’m crying because I’m having high anxiety and I haven’t slept. They never gave me my night time medications or anything, I finally go to bed around 4am, And then they wake me back up at 6 am to do my vitals and said I needed to go itemize my belongings. Once I woke up the nausea hit me immediately and I asked for Zofran which they refused because I had to see the internal medicine doctor first. I didn’t get Zofran until 1030 am at which point I had missed breakfast and was nonstop puking. But the doctor would only allow one 4mg pill every 12 hours. I was so sick. Eventually I’m seen by a psychiatrist who I thought would be able to help me with meds but he said no, I can’t take anything because I’m pregnant and I’d have to talk to a different doctor who wasn’t going to be in until Monday(this was on Saturday). At that point I freak out because now I’m away from home, they aren’t giving me my over the counter meds like unisom + b6 (for nausea) or my prenatals. And they’re not giving me enough Zofran to keep the nausea at bay. I said I wanted to leave then, as I was there voluntarily and the doctor was mad and said I’d have to sign an AMA form and he’d place me on a 24 hour hold, where the other Dr would talk to me before the 24 hours and determine if they’d try to get a court order to keep me. I was so shocked. I asked if there was anyway I could talk to someone as I didn’t want to say and they were holding me involuntarily at that point. He said no. I’m a panicky sick mess after this and go through all the paperwork they gave me which included the patient bill of rights which stated patients had the right to be discharged within 4 hours of request unless the Dr believed I was a danger to myself or others or that I was mentally unable to make medical decisions for myself. I requested a written justification from the Dr outlining which of those reasons he was using to justify the 24 hour hold and he refused. He just kept saying I wasn’t allowed to leave until I spoke with the other doctor who wasn’t going to be in till the next day. At around 330 my mom and and fiance came for visitation and I brought my paperwork with me and showed them the patient rights documents and they were pissed so they stayed 2.5 hours after visitation and argued with them to release me so I could go home, since they weren’t even treating me anyway and withholding medications. The Doctor refused to talk to my family even though I specifically included them on my medical release forms. So they had a right to request that information and were requesting a justification for keeping me there past the 4 hours. It got so bad my mom even called the cops and filed a police report. They refused to let me go so I had to stay another night without Zofran and couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t keep food or water down. There was no doctor on staff at the time so when the nurses called to get my Zofran prescription increased the doctor didn’t answer and they couldn’t do anything for me. I could tell the nurses were trying their best and were very frustrated for me. The original doctor came back an hour before the 24 hours were up, and clearly did not want to talk to me. I think the other doctor said he wasn’t getting involved because it was turning into a legal situation at that point. He was super short with me and when I requested justification for the 24 hour hold he said the ER doctor and said I didn’t want to be pregnant anymore and used that as justification. I’m absolutely floored at this point. He didn’t want to speak further about the issue and discharged me. But apparently no one knew how to discharge me because it’s the weekend so it took another few hours to even leave. The whole situation was so miserable and I legitimately feel traumatized by the experience. I still feel like I need help with the nausea and panic attacks but I’m scared to go back to the ER now. It’s been so horrible and I don’t know what to do besides talk to my OB at my upcoming appointment and hope she’s more understanding of my problems. I’m going to file complaints with the hospital and the state regarding what happened. I am also going to consult with a few lawyers to see if I have a case against them. This whole experience has left me feeling incredibly hopeless and frustrated with the medical system. I feel like I was punished for saying I didn’t want to be pregnant anymore. As for me I am currently staying at my moms. I was able to finally get some rest and take enough Zofran and unisom + b6 to keep the puking at bay for a bit. I’m trying my best to keep my cool and avoid a panic attack. I appreciate any advice anyone could give on how to navigate this situation. Comments by OOP: I really wanted to move out of Texas before I got pregnant because I was so worried for those exact reasons. Doctors are too afraid to treat pregnant women here and its safer for them to do nothing, even if it’s more detrimental to the mother and baby, then prescribe something and be held legally liable if something were to happen. It’s a horrible horrible byproduct of the current abortion ban It’s really hard to convey just how traumatizing it was with only words. I was taken away from my supportive fiance and family to be basically held prisoner and denied medication while I couldn’t stop vomiting. I was around strangers, had paper thin scrubs, and a small blanket. The vomiting caused my throat to burn and I pulled a muscle in my neck so it was hard to even move my head. I just cannot overstate how much worse this situation has become and and the mount of physical and emotional damage it’s caused. I genuinely felt so bad for the other patients there who clearly needed help. The doctor was so obviously uninterested and uncaring. It’s hard for me to see how anyone there is getting the appropriate care level they need or how being there would many anyone less suicidal. It seems like the hospital is there to fill beds and extract as much money out of insurance as possible while running a skeleton crew of workers who provide the minimum legal requirement of care. I will say the nurses there were great but the facility and doctors themselves were an actual nightmare. Thank you. My mom is actually a retired police officer and works in records at a neighboring police department here and she told them the same thing. They became very clammy and I think realized the situation was turning into a legal one and stopped really communicating with me or my family beyond what was absolutely required. I do agree with you fully. I am going to see what my OB does and says at my appointment tomorrow then go from there. I am scared and nervous. It’s hard at the moment because I also feel too weak to even advocate for myself properly. I’m too exhausted to fight at the moment so I am hoping my support system will help me get through this and be tough for me I will eventually come forward with my story. I really want to speak with a lawyer first and make sure all my ducks are in a row. I am also a semi notable person in a niche field and am not public with my pregnancy and take my privacy very seriously. One of the nurses at the hospital even recognized me which was also horrible in its own way. Im sorry you also had to experience that. At one point I was laying on the bathroom floor wondering if I was going to die there. I was worried they were going to take me to court and force me to stay there longer without treatment and without my family. I’m not sure how I will eventually recover from this but I know I have no other option than forward and things WILL eventually get better. If my fiance and I have to empty our life savings to get me to another state for appropriate care then we will do everything we can. That’s the thing, if they had been providing me with medications and monitoring me I would actually understand and probably wouldn’t have left. But they weren’t providing me with ANY treatment. I was having active panic attacks and I didn’t even get a “hey try these breathing exercises” they were just holding me hostage and denying me care. That’s not true. There are plenty of medications that treat anxiety that are safe during pregnancy. Having constant panic attacks and not being able to keep down food or water is not safe for pregnancy or the baby either. You have to weigh the risks of each decision you make. I also suffer from ulcerative colitis, which is triggered by stress. I am off my UC medication because it’s not safe during pregnancy. I almost lost my colon during my last flare which lasted a year and a half and I was on steroids for 7 months to help control the inflammation, which would absolutely not be safe for pregnancy. These conditions can quickly become life threatening. I didn’t request an ultrasound. I simply stated that I hadn’t even had one yet. The reason I wanted to work with someone in OB was because it was clear the ER doctors were uncomfortable treating me because I was pregnant, and I thought an OB would be more knowledgeable in which medications are safest for pregnancy. Another reason I mentioned the ultrasound was because the reason for denying any medication was pregnancy, however I wasn’t even sure if the pregnancy was progressing correctly. It’s my first pregnancy and my mother has a history or missed miscarriages where the baby stops developing but her body didn’t start the physical process of expelling everything. Hopefully that adds more context. I am not familiar with the medical system and this is my first pregnancy. So I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to think maybe someone with more experience treating pregnant patients, in a state with very tight restrictions, would be a better fit for me in that moment. I personally think this is wildly unbelievable but it happened to me. I have no prior history for psychiatric hospitalization. I take buspro and Zoloft. I developed a panic disorder after being on prednisone for 7 months due to my ulcerative colitis which was well managed before pregnancy. The constant vomiting triggers my anxiety leading the panic attacks. To be clear I was not involuntarily held, I went voluntarily because the social worker said they’d be able to help me with medication and sleep. The psych facility knew they had no reason to keep me, therefore could not obtain a court order. If they believed I was actually a danger to myself or others then they would have gone this route but they didn’t. My nurse there said he believed I did not belong there, he even told my family that and fought to get me released. I understand you’re making a judgement based on your experience and knowledge, but I hope you could put yourself in my shoes, as someone with very limited knowledge of the medical system, and going through my first pregnancy. Our thought processes and reasoning are probably going to be vastly different. I did what I thought was the best thing to do in my situation, and it turned into a nightmare. I’m sorry if my story isn’t believable to you. But I’m still going to do what I can to make sure this type of thing doesn’t happen again in the future. And to be clear the reason I went to different ERs was because the first one was a stand alone private ER like care point or something, and the ER doctor recommend going to one with a hospital an OB attached next time. So the next time I went to a Baylor ER hospital which I mistakenly thought was a full hospital but it was some type of hybrid situation. I am not originally from Texas, so I’m not familiar with the hospitals around here. The next one I went to was an ER at a full hospital. To add more context, they had asked me if I had a history of panic attacks, and I explained that I did. I had developed a panic disorder after being on prednisone for 7 months, due to my ulcerative colitis. They asked what I would do in those situations to avoid triggers etc. before my panic attacks were focused mainly on social situations or being too far from a bathroom etc, so to avoid triggers I’d do things like change my diet, or avoid situations were there was no bathroom. But now my trigger was the pregnancy symptoms which I can’t avoid because I can’t not be pregnant anymore. I said the panic attacks and nausea made me not want to be pregnant which I believe was misconstrued. But I think there’s some pretty crazy implications of saying any pregnant woman who says they don’t want to be pregnant anymore can be held involuntarily at a psychiatric hospital. Honestly I would have been more than happy to stay there but because I wasn’t really being given any further treatment I just wanted to go home to my family and support system. If I was going to be vomiting I’d prefer to do it in my own toilet. I was also worried about missing my OB appointment if they decided to hold me longer. The original ER doctor did not have enough to send me there involuntarily, and the psych at the facility openly admitted he believed the ER doctor mislead me and was the one to tell me to fill out the AMA, but placed me on a 24 hour hold because it was their policy, which I had pointed out contradicted Texas state law for patients who were there voluntarily. This facility has been open for only 10 months or so, and one nurse said it’s very rare that someone would come there voluntarily but then request to leave so quickly, but I think a lot of those voluntary patients have been through that system before so know what to expect vs I had no clue. When I pointed out the 4 hour release requirement in the documents they gave me they didn’t even know that it was in there. They said all patients get a 24 hour hold and they’ve never released someone within four hours. I meet with my OB tomorrow so hopefully I’ll get some better support there. Thanks for listening It’s so scary. One girl at the facility I spoke to had been there 3 times for suicidal thoughts. She said she believed the facility wasn’t supportive for patients who have disabilities or are pregnant. She said one time her roommate had dementia and was clearly not taking care of her hygiene or self at all, and the girl tried to advocate for the woman but the woman received no help. The facility is new, open for only about 10 months and I think they’re trying accepting anyone to fill beds even if they aren’t properly equipped to care for them. I think a lot of these people don’t have the wherewithal or the family support to advocate for them either so nothing ever gets done and no one is held accountable. It’s a nightmare situation and had been incredibly eye opening The social worker said that they were originally going to try to get me into one of the private rooms that they had at the hospital, but came back later and said the psychiatrist (I assume) denied me. So she said she was going to call some other places and see if she could get me into one of them. Maybe two hours later she came back and said she found a place who would accept me. This new place was indeed a locked facility. They have only been open for 10 months and seemed to be accepting everyone. There were two other individuals who were admitted at the same time from the same hospital, one I believe was there for alcohol withdrawal and the other expressed thoughts of suicide. The first ER doctor just seemed really busy and didn’t want to deal with me. Then the psych at the facility was just the on call doctor and clearly didn’t want to be there and kept saying he couldn’t release me until I spoke with the attending who wasn’t there because it was the weekend. I don’t think they’ve ever had anyone challenge them on the four hour rule as the place has only been open for 10 months. I was in a locked psychiatric hospital. No you cannot just get up and walk out. Update January 1, 2025, 2 days later First I’d like to say thank you to the outpouring of support. It really means a lot to me. I’m going to start with a very small update and then at the end I’m going to answer some question/ clear up some misconceptions about what happened. Update: I did see my new OBGYN and had my first ultra sound. My little guy is measuring right on time and had a heartbeat of 167. I feel overwhelmed with relief knowing he is safe in there and doing well. I explained the whole situation to by OB and she was incredibly understanding. She gave me a new prescription of Zofran and took some labs while I was there to check my electrolytes and probably some other things. I’ll have another follow up with her soon. At this point I feel comfortable enough working with her so that’s my current plan. As for complaints and legal stuff, there isn’t much movement on that front due to the holiday but I still have every intention to pursue those options and will try to update as I can. Now the other stuff. I did not expect that post to gain as much attention as it did, it was cross posted many times and the responses were overwhelming sympathetic but there was a ton of skepticism especially from doctors who read it. But hey it’s the internet so that’s to be expected I guess. At the end of the day I don’t need any strangers online to believe what happened to me, because I have recourse in real life and that’s ultimately what matters. I was accused of changing my story but I think that was mainly from people who skimmed my post so below I’m going to clear up somethings, and provide some additional details, not because I have to but because I think if there’s going to be discourse about my experience, I want it to start from a place of accuracy of timeline and events. Starting with, at NO point was the court involved with the decision making process. I went to the ER willingly, they made it seem like they were not equipped to help my situation and that the other facility would be able to help me with my sleeping and panic attacks. I was so run down by the time the social worker came to my room that I’d have agreed to go anywhere they said would provide me with relief. I went to the new facility voluntarily of my own free will. There was no 72 hour hold. When I mentioned 72 hours in my last post, I meant that the whole situation from going to the ER to leaving the new facility took place over 72 hours. Once I got to the new facility and met with the doctors, I realized that I was not in the right place to get the care I personally needed. I was away from my support system, not being given the proper medication to control my vomiting, my anxiety was significantly heightened, and I not being given any additional treatment or resources, so to me there was no point in me being at the facility and it was indeed making my situation undoubtedly worse. After speaking with the on call psychiatrist, he told me that he thought the ER doctor misled me, and that I’d need to sign an AMA form which would place me on a 24 hour hold. It was clear he did not want to be the one to discharge me and insisted I needed to speak with the attending. He mentioned the possibility of a court order but said it was unlikely they’d get one for my case. After that conversation I went to review the paperwork they gave me during admission. I found the patient bill of rights which stated that for voluntary patients, they had a right to be released within 4 hours of their request. UNLESS 1. I changed my mind and wanted to stay, 2. I was under the age of 16 and my gradian didn’t want to release me, or 3. If the doctor has reason to believe that I might meet the criteria for court ordered services or emergency detention because; 1. I’m likely to cause serious harm to myself, 2. I’m likely to cause serious hard to others, or 3. My condition will continue to deteriorate and I am unable to make informed decisions as to whether or not stay for treatment. After I read that I bought the papers to the nurses and requested a justification from the psychiatrist for the 24 hour hold. I wanted to know which reasons he was using. The psychiatrist did not provide reason or justification beyond the attending needed to evaluate me. That’s it. To be clear, this is ILLEGAL. They had zero reason to keep me past the four hours. At no time had I indicated I was a threat to myself or others. Not verbally, or written on any of the questionnaires that I had filled out during admissions. The attending not working that day is NOT a legal justification to hold me. Their schedule does not supersede my rights at a patient. Now after the 24 hours was up, the original on call doctor came back to discharge me. He was clearly agitated that the attending refused to come into do the discharge, so I never at any point spoke with the attending who was originally assigned to me. The on call doctor did not seek a court order to detain me. The conversation lasted about 10 minutes or less. When I asked again for the justification to keep me, he asked me if I said anything to the ER doctor about wanting to end my pregnancy, and I told him I just said I didn’t want to be pregnant because I was so miserable. I then tried to ask if he believed that was enough justification for the hold but he cut me off. It was clear he didn’t want to engage in any further conversation. My concern here was the implications of legally being allowed to involuntarily commit any woman who said she didn’t want to be pregnant anymore, which seems INSANE to me. But I digress. To answer questions about the facility: Why didn’t I just leave? Because this was locked facility. I couldn’t just get up and walk out of the door. How were they able to take me so fast? This facility has been open only for 10 month. They had beds and empty rooms available when I was there. Questions about my ER visits: I had three separate visits which took place over four weeks. The first ER I went to was a stand alone clinic not associated with a larger hospital. The doctor there said next time to go to a ER attached to a hospital with L&D. So the next time I went to an ER, I went to an ER hospital that I mistakenly thought was a full hospital but it was a hybrid and they did not have L&D. The third ER was attached to a full hospital. I was not doctor shopping, I’m just not familiar with the hospital systems here. Regarding my comments about ultrasounds and OBs. I never requested an ultrasound during any of my visits to the ER. I mentioned the ultrasound in the original post just to state I hadn’t had one yet and hadn’t been evaluated by an OB yet. My mother has a history of missed miscarriages so in my head I thought it could be a possibility, and if I was being denied medication for being pregnant I was just hoping I did have a viable pregnancy. But again, I didn’t request an ultrasound. Concerns regarding DIY abortion: I am not and have never considered a DIY abortion. I am lucky enough to have all the resources I would need to fly anywhere in the world to get appropriate medical care if I had decided to go that route. Both my fiance and I work high paying remote tech jobs and in the worst case we could move out of state tomorrow if I absolutely needed to. Obviously this isn’t an ideal route but it is an option that is still on the table, even if it’s just to get care in a better medical system outside the state of Texas. Medications I’m currently taking: 10mg busiprone 2x a day, 50mg Zoloft. Zofran, unisom + b6, prenatals. NO benzos. So to cut through all the bs, whether you agree or not with the doctors course of actions, I hope most people can see that the facility was not the right place for me to be. They were not well equipped to handle my pregnancy symptoms, they were clearly understaffed, and they were not providing me with any additional treatment that I wasn’t getting at home. There was no reason for me to be there. It made things in my case significantly worse and I hope maybe if anything people can just learn from my experience. Again, I’d like to thank everyone for their support and for the DMs I received. I’m also so sorry for all the other similar stories I’ve read. It seems like there’s a bigger issue happening here and I hope others can eventually find peace too. I am going to continue to work diligently with my OB, psychiatrist, and hopefully a therapist so I can really unpack this entire situation. As I said before I’ll try to update as I can but I’m sure the complaint and legal process will be slow moving. I’d also like to ask if you know any attorneys in the DFW area who may be interested in this case, please feel free to shoot me a private DM with their information so I can follow up. I will also try to answer any additional questions in the comments, in case there’s anything else I’m forgetting. Obligatory, sorry for the terrible formatting, I’m on mobile. I'm not the original poster. submitted by /u/Schattenspringer to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwaway151702 Slight chance my (39M) pregnant wife (38F) had an affair, should I ask for a paternity test or wait? Originally posted to r/relationship_advice Thanks to u/orion0328 & u/Small-Bodybuilder160 for letting me know this updated BoRU 1 BoRU 2 TRIGGER WARNING: discusses possible infidelity, fertility issues Original Post May 9, 2024 My wife (38F) and I (39M) have been together for 12 years. I don't know how to describe it other than calling it the perfect relationship. I think in 12 years we've only ever gotten to the point of really raising our voices at one another maybe 2 or 3 times? We do everything together but always have never had issues allowing each other to lead our own lives and follow our own interests. We bought a house where we wanted.... we both have good high paying jobs that have great work life balance. Basically it's been everything short of perfect. We've been trying for 2 years to get pregnant and it hadn't been happening. We were just about to start the fertility stuff when I came home from a work trip, and guess what she's pregnant. I had this weird instant thought of.... Wait I thought we didn't try during the week last month because of the fertility testing... But I couldn't remember exactly because to be honest... We were busy at it. So I just assumed I miss remembered. Now, I travel around the country pretty regularly for work. Other than COVID, I've been on the road as much as 40 weeks a year sometimes. Since COVID its been less but still more than a week a month. Over the last 4-5 years my wife has gotten very friendly with a guy she works with, let's call him Matt. Matt is slightly younger, I think 34M or so. I know him, he's married, I know his wife. They've worked together for I think 7 years or so. He's always been around, him and I have been friendly. Have I ever thought something was happening? No, but I've always thought.... You'd be a fool to not think there's even a 1% chance your spouse would go outside the relationship. Maybe I'm naive, but I've always seen it as a safeguard to not take my wife or any other partner in the past for granted. She's never given me a reason to think she'd do that. But anything is possible. So about a month ago I'm out of state for work and she's at home. I ask her what she's doing earlier in the day and she says Matt is coming by for dinner. Not out of the ordinary, Matt comes by from time to time. Sometimes with his wife, sometimes without, sometimes when I'm not there. I don't think much of it. We have a security system which includes cameras both inside and outside of the house which we installed after an unrelated incident a few years ago. They record and are live accessable by both her and I. I often use those cameras to check on the dog when I or both of us are away, as the rest of the system is monitored by a company Incase of an alarm going off. She knows I check those cameras, there's a system installed where I can talk through them. I'll mess with my wife and she will with me on them if either of us are out of town (she travels for work as well, but far less than I do). Point is, it's known that I check them often when I'm not at home. So I turn on the camera and I see my 4 months pregnant wife, lying on the floor, on her side with Matt sitting, straddling her legs and using a foam roller to message her hips. So I'm like.... Ok... What the fuck is this. I start rewinding through the footage and they are eating and talking normally, but then they get on the couch and get under the same blanket. Now...... They are feet to feet, but that couch isn't that big. Then they move to the floor and that's when I logged in. Anyway I text her, I'm still watching the cameras they both look like deer in headlights and he very quickly leaves. We get into an argument she isn't mad at me accusing her but she's adamant that nothing has or ever would happen, and that what I saw was innocent and she was complaining about being in pain from the pregnancy.... Which I know is true shes already having some issues with back pain etc.. The biggest point of that discussion was I asked "If I were there would you two have been comfortable doing any of that Infront of me" and she reluctantly admitted... No probably not. I told her I didn't want to talk after that and we'd talk when I got home 3 days later. That's when It hit me..... What if my weird gut moment feeling about her telling me she was finally pregnant, was... This. What if my 1% happened and this is not my child we are having? Now, it eats away at my while I'm at a hotel alone a thousand miles away for 3 days. I reconcile with myself that... I think it's less likely than more likely that something between them has happened. But Basically my 1% just jumped to.... 10% 20% maybe? I get home and she's on eggshells and doesn't mention it. I kinda wait to see what she's going to do. 2 days later she finally brings it up and breaks down. Swears nothing has happened she would never. Doesn't do anything over the top to try and prove anything... Which I took as a good sign. But anyway we talk out the issue and everything to a point of at least moving forward for now. I'm still coping and dealing with it figuring out how to re trust after all this time. I'm getting more and more understanding of the fact that they are friends they've been friends for so long, maybe he has intentions.... But I don't see her having any and I've never really picked up on it and I've spent time around both of them together many many times, and never caught anything. So the thing that is destroying me right now is.... If I'm wrong and something did happen... While I can figure out how to deal with that... What if that child isn't mine. In the argument and few long conversations we've had about the situation since I've never brought that up, and she's not mentioned it. Mostly because I don't want to make the situation worse and crush her if infact she's telling the truth, which I mostly Believe. The only thing I can think to do at this point is to wait until the baby is born and immediately order a paternity test in secret. Should I do that? Should I tell her and have it dealt with now? If you're a woman in her shoes and you're telling the truth, would that destroy you, or your view of me? If you're lying what would you do if I asked? I don't want to ask a super vague question but..... What do I do?! TLDR: very small chance my wife of 12yrs had an affair and she's 4 months pregnant and I can't bring myself to ask for a paternity test for fear of crushing her if nothing actually happened. But I am planning on doing it in secret when the baby comes. What do I do? Update: Soo many comments. Thank you everyone more than I can address directly but I'm going to keep reading a few things. 1 stop DMing me about this, thanks. 2 some have made some good points about addressing it now rather than later and that's something that I'm considering more than I was before, thank you. 3 to those focused only on my relationship. I get it but that's not what I'm focused on. We've been talking about it a lot. My wife and I are pretty open people with each other. I'm not saying I'm convinced nothing happened but I'm more focused on paternity right now. 4 if I need to track, spy on, life360, my wife. Then this relationship is over already. That's not the relationship we have and not one that I ever want, and in my opinion not one anyone should ever have. We are working on rebuilding trust. As I said in this long winded post my default of 1% possibility went up to 10% or so. Trust me I'm taking my relationship seriously but to those I've said this to already. If the kid isn't mine, then there's no longer any conversation to have. 5 I've already had this discussion with my lawyer, I don't live in a state where the birth certificate stuff will be an issue. If I have paperwork that this child isn't mine than divorce isn't going to be much of an issue. Both of us are in an independent financial situation where it won't matter much regardless. I'll keep up with this post as long as I can and post an update when and if anything gets resolved. Update May 10, 2024 Update: Slight chance my (39M) pregnant wife (38F) had an affair, should I ask for a paternity test or wait? Here's the original post from yesterday. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/CphGAU9Tsm So she was out of state on a business trip until late last night. It's Friday so she worked from home in our kitchen. So I asked to talk and brought it up and asked for a test. She immediately said yes and said there's zero doubt and nothing that she'd even have a second to worry about. But she has no problem doing it now. The only caveat I left it with is. If it's invasive at all per our doctors then I'm ok waiting until it's low risk. (I'm not a doctor, no clue what they'd have to do to do it now) So not sure when we are. But she's aware and we are getting one. It was a decent and longer conversation. We are currently sitting together getting lunch. She's got no clue I did this on Reddit. Hence the new account because she is on here somewhere. Thank you everyone for your help and opinions, a bunch of you made me realize that we are already really open about everything and if nothing happened then she wouldn't worry about getting one. I was more worried about her health and adding some insane level of stress if it was an issue as she's an at risk pregnancy and it took soooooo long for us to get pregnant. So again thank you all for the help. I suppose I can update if it's mine or not but I'm not sure how long that will be. I'm... 90-95% sure it is mine. But this will help us continue this conversation. Thank you. Update: just because it seems to be more of a topic on this post vs the other one for some reason.... Yes I have the footage. No I haven't talked to Matt yet. He's told her he wants to talk about it but I've told them to wait on that. My relationship with my wife and the paternity is what's important right now. I will eventually talk with Matt. No I'm not going to get Matt's wife involved intentionally. I don't know why I would other to just be vindictive. I'm not going to cover for him obviously but his relationship is his. And mine is mine. I'm not interested in making this worse. Whatever is going on between him and his wife isn't any of my business. RELEVANT COMMENTS OOP when asked why his wife thought she could be intimate with someone else We've talked about it at length nothing is being ignored. I could write you an essay about our past, her reasons and my feelings on it. But instead I'll just say. I'm aware of it. She's claiming innocence of anything further but at the same time admitting that it wasn't a good look but she wasn't thinking about it at the time. And that's what we are currently working through. When told it doesnt look innocent and asked if his wife goes to Matt's house when his wife isn't home She's 4 months. I was home. And we had been on the clock..... To the point of the days blending together, trust me. We are pretty open people and pretty comfortable with ourselves and each other. I don't know if she's been to his house without his wife. I mean the 3 and 4 of us all hang out probably once or twice a month but they work directly together everyday and have for years. So obviously there's a closeness there. They are both upper management in their company. And at my company I have long term friends that are women. I've traveled with them we've done dinner and hung out in hotel rooms together. But I've never done anything because, that's not me. I'm married and love my wife and my life. I have no reason to. So I mean the optics are bad. I just have to decide if it's only the optics. Or if she has a reason too. Maybe he has a reason too and that's what I saw? That I'm not sure about. But that comes down to, do I trust her to handle that. She says if that's the case she's never noticed it. And she hangs out with him and his wife just about as much as he hangs out with us. She works in a building right near them. My company is based out of Chicago and I live on one of the coasts. So my coworker friends are much more spread out. We can't go to the bar to grab afterwork drinks any day like they can. Honestly I usually go to their work hangouts more than mine because of that. I'm friendly with her CEO because of it. So is it perfect? No. But I've always trusted her, I've never had a reason not to. In 15 years, this is the first, crack or dent in it. OOP gives a clearer description of what happened that day That's not what I saw. She said something, he froze. Said something I couldn't hear she said no no don't worry about it. He put something in the dishwasher and she walked him out to the front door. He didn't dive out the window. You have to remember this is Reddit. I'm not putting every single nuanced detail in this because that would take me hours to write and I'm not putting my security footage on the Internet for strangers to see. The reason I have the security system in the first place is because of a stranger on the internet. I'm not saying anything beyond that didn't happen for sure between them. I'm saying I don't know now and I don't have any proof. That's what my wife and I are discussing just about every day and what we are working through. The original point of the post was..... The only thing we hadn't talked about was paternity because I don't want to put her in a situation where she medically loses the child. Mine or not. Not only have I not been able to put every single nuanced thing in this I've also sprinkled in false details about our lives, nothing pertinent to what happened but other mundane details. I was a very small public figure at one point. And some low life from the Internet traveled across the country to make death threats against us because of something warped in his head. To the point where the federal government had to get involved. People in here are wildly jumping at conclusions with much less information than I have and ignoring the original point of the post and the original questions asked. Has he told Matt's wife She is my wife's friend's wife. We don't meet up and knit together. I know her through my wife. I see her maybe once every few months at a bar after work, or if they come by for dinner or to hang out. We aren't besties. Again what should I go tell her. Hey your husband was at my house. I knew he was there and I saw him run a foam roller over the outside of my wife's hip while he was sitting on her feet..... It's super obvious they are fucking and Even though I'm not sure. It's possible she's carrying his baby. This isn't a soap opera. There's nothing I KNOW that I can tell her so why would she take my word on what tiny evidence there is. And why or how in the world would that help my situation? If all of this is false now I've destroyed my relationship for acting like a child trying to drum up drama for what obviously looks like being vindictive, and I put them in the same situation we are in now.... For something THAT I DON'T KNOW IS TRUE YET. I believe you have entirely lost the plot here. Update 2 Aug 21, 2024 Update #2: Slight chance my (39M) pregnant wife (38F) had an affair, should I ask for a paternity test or wait? I'm an old man at heart and I didn't understand how update bot works. So here's your next update I also edited this into the last update. Update#2. Hi folks. So I haven't been touching this account at all as I was mostly bombarded by people telling me I'm an AI, wishing my wife a miscarriage, claiming she's going to get a secret abortion to "save herself". Or that I'm a clown for not "keeping it real" and destroying someone else's marriage over speculation only. I'm amazed that people are still following this and invested in it after all this time. Here's where we are at: Yes my wife is still very much pregnant. She's in the hard to pick things up off the floor stage. She's due in 8 weeks.... Holy shit 6 weeks actually, just looked at the calendar. We are getting weekly ultrasounds at this point. He's already about 5 lbs and has a big ol head. Her and I had some very long direct conversations about everything. She is adamant that nothing has ever happened and nothing ever would. For a while she was pretty upset with herself for causing this and causing my feelings of doubt. I've done my best to remedy that as I've gotta keep stress off her as much as possible right now... But it will for sure be revisited after the birth. As I've been saying the entire time... I'm really only worried about the child and the birth going well etc. well... Mostly maybe not "only" The only thing we still really disagree on is I thought he was getting too close because he had developed feelings or was getting attention that he wasn't getting elsewhere maybe etc. she doesn't see it that way but has also said it's possible but if so she was blind to it. I told her I wanted a paternity test and she immediately agreed to it and said no problem at all. My only stipulation was that it couldn't be medically risky or stress inducing at all as she's a high risk pregnancy. We both spoke to her doctors about it and they basically told us that our only option was to go to the courthouse because they wouldn't do one without the law involved..... Which we both thought was ridiculous. Her doctor was a bit thrown off by it so I didn't press very hard, it was honestly her pretty much demanding it. I knew there were other options. I looked into those other options and ultimately decided to wait until the birth and I have a lab already set up to do it, ready to go. I'm 95% sure it's unnecessary but... I'm still getting one for my peace of mind and mostly so that nothing will come between me and my child. For those of you that have left me messages of support that I didn't get back to. Thank you. I'm going to spend some time going through them tonight before I run off again. For those of you who've left messages that think I should be acting like a 17 year old highschool student and either getting violent, purposely cheating on my wife to prove a point, or other childish trash... thanks for the entertainment at least. Stop watching TLC, and tiktok. that dumbass drama ain't the way kiddos. And to the one person who suggested I "cause an accident" with my wife, I hope you end up behind bars some day. It's really likely I'm not going to come back here after tonight until after I get the results from the lab. So if you're really still interested in the results come back in 1.5-2 months I've been told the results take about 48 hours once submitted. I'll give you your Maury moment then. OOP Answers questions in a comment Here Just as a preempt I'm going to post something I responded to someone else on the last post just a minute ago but I likely won't check this account until after the birth after this: Comment #1. People seem to be reading into the reasons I thought all this was more than what I said. I've seen "dude...they were in bed together.. you caught them" or "they were cuddling under a blanket..". Totally get how the telephone game works... But I never said any of that. So I'll clarify I guess. Here's exactly what I saw. They were on the sectional couch in my livingroom at either ends under the same large blanket, feet to feet. The "massage". She was laying on the floor in her side he was sitting by her feet and rolling one of those big foam rollers on her back and side, which is something I do all the time because she's been complaining about back and outer hip pain. Still enough for me to raise a concern with her... But people seem to be reading into that as.... They were basically dry humping and thought you couldn't see. Comment #2 I'm being told that I'm being oblivious and ignoring the obvious. And letting her and him off the hook. This is a direct comment I left someone giving my thoughts on that I think they said something like "this is what guys who choose to have their head in the sand say" My response: "Yea I'm pretty well aware of that. I've also stated many times that my wife is a high at risk pregnancy so I've decided to try and not explode things until I know something for a fact and risk what would potentially be the only opportunity I have to have a child at my age. If it turns out I'm wrong and that happens because I blew all this up over nothing I don't know how I could live with myself.... And my marriage likely wouldn't survive that anyway.... Soooo I don't see that as a winning option. If I deal with it calmly and like an adult and If I'm wrong.... Then great, we can move on. And if I'm right then.... It can still be dealt with accordingly with facts and not speculation. If the child is mine, and the birth goes well... Then we have a healthy child and I can deal with the remainder of any damage she has or hasn't done without risking potentially the only child I'm going to have. Trust me. I'm not ignoring it, I'm choosing to support my wife to get through the pregnancy first.... Then I'll deal with the rest of it. It's probably been the hardest thing I've ever done emotionally.... But here we are..." (End of copied comment.) I know I'm a sarcastic SOB in some of these comments, but honestly thank you for everyone's concern and I have gotten some good advice from people.... Mostly this has been a bit cathartic to write all this down as... Most of my friends are toxic dudes who are more interested in fighting about golf or some other pointless shit. Love em.... But I don't really have anyone other than her to talk to about any of this. So honestly thank you. NEW UPDATES OOP Added an update on the previous post Quick update ( today is 9/14 ) we just got an induction date scheduled on the 26th. UPDATE (9/29 1am): baby boy is here, born 9/27 7lbs 10oz. He had what the doctors in the OR said the biggest meconium they've seen in a while on the table so it was likely he was about 8 lbs when he was born. Labor was induced early morning on the 26th. Labor was like 30 hours. Pushed for like 3 hrs. No progress ended up in a c section. He's perfectly healthy, and kind of a tank. (I was almost a 10lb baby). Mom is dealing with recovery and not having a fun time but we are getting there. We are being discharged on Tuesday they tell us. We live about 2 miles from the hospital so I've been going back to the house to shower and sneak in like an hour or two nap a couple times. Otherwise I've been here the entire time. As far paternity, just out of... All that entails with the birth of a new born and recovery and honestly a bit of embarrassment... we haven't started the test, but it's setup and ready to start on Tuesday when we get out of here. So I'll give a final update after the results come back. So maybe another week to 10 days? My honest opinion after looking at this kid is, he is mine. Matt and I are physically very opposite. Different heritages, I'm 6'3 240 lbs, he's probably 5'8 175-180 lbs. I've always held the belief that baby's all generically look the same other than obvious ancestral differences... But yes this moose of a baby has some obvious traits that would only come from me. Still doing the test but I'm very much not worried about it. I'll make a new post when I get the results back. Final Update RESULTS ARE IN Oct 10, 2024 TLDR: child is mine. The baby is as healthy as could be so far. Mom on the other hand has been having issues. Baby was born on 9/27. Labor was 30 hours, ending in a c section. 7lbs 10oz. Mom.... Didn't do so well. We were supposed to be in for 4 days ended up being 8 days. Mom has been back to the hospital twice since. I'm currently sitting in the car with the little guy because Mom's in the emergency room right now. She is making progress but still having a hard time with a few things. As I mentioned before she has some pre existing issues that we knew would make this hard. But there have been a few hurdles but we are getting over them together. As far as paternity, the results came back this morning. Greater than 99.9999 Match that I am the father. I did pretty much already know this, but now there is no question and I can put it behind me. My wife and I have had long conversations about all this leading up to the birth especially around the time of the original post when all this start. We are in a good place and while it's always going to be there, we both have things to work on communication wise that came from all this. I did also see Matt today. That's been settled. I'm pretty satisfied that what I saw was it and there wasn't anything else beyond that and it was a friend helping her with pain the same way I do. I do want to thank everyone who left a message or dm'd me. Good or bad comments thank you. Talking to the void and all you strangers helped me wait this out. I appreciate it. I'm going to go enjoy my son's company now. Thank you again. RELEVANT COMMENTS Jay7488 Congratulations! This may have gotten buried in the comments, but did your wife have a real understanding of the optics of what you saw? She realized how truly suspicious it looked? OOP Yea she realizes it after she saw the video herself. ~ BelievableToadstool Also why are you still not informing Matt’s wife of what you walked in on? Feels dishonest, she deserves to know and make her own decision OOP I didn't walk in on anything. His wife apparently was aware the entire time because Matt told her what was going on. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I don't know if I want advice or to vent. I was extremely unwell during the last 2 months of pregnancy. Me and bub almost didn't make it. To cut a long story - we're back home now (have been for about 2 weeks and baby is almost a month old). I am still in excruciating pain from 3 seperate (non pregnancy related) surgeries I needed. Pain killers don't even work. I am told I need to recover and bed rest. I cannot rely on my husband at all. Whilst I was in ICU, bub was in NICU and later special nursery. I was told my husband did a wonderful job. I'm sure he did his best to impress the nurses giving him attention. Though I wonder if they were talking about someone elses husband. He will constantly boast about how baby does XYZ if he needs to XYZ. He keeps fact dropping and explaining things to me about him. I get I wasn't around for the first few days, but he acts as though I've been some absentee parent and it makes me feel like crap. Aside from the mind games, there's been several incidents now which have driven me to my breaking point. My husband was told by several doctors that he's meant to do the majority of care (due to my physical limitations). He's fallen asleep multiple times whilst feeding the baby on the bed and couch. We also have a very curious cat, so we bought a bassinet with a sturdy mosquito net. I have asked that if the cat is around that we ensure we zip it up or supervise. There has also been multiple times he's fallen asleep, leaving the baby unsupervised in the bassinet with our pets around and the net not zipped up. He constantly complains about getting little sleep, but he easily sleeps 10 hours per day, where-as I am getting an absolute max of 4. The icing on the cake was today when we had to take our baby to the EMERGENCY department for BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA TO THE HEAD. My husband was converting the bassinet to the side sleeper mode, and flipped the side down and it hit our little baby so hard in the head. I still can't believe he was ok. It's such a heavy pole and it struck him so hard in the head. Thankfully baby was okay but we have to keep an eye on him for the next 4 days. I can't even look at my poor baby without crying my eyes out everytime I see the massive lump on his head. Last week, my c*** of a mother in law kissed baby with a cold sore. I had to closely monitor for symptoms all week. Just when we thought we were in the clear, this happens! I'm so sick of it. We've only been home 2 weeks! I just cannot recover. I am pushing myself mentally and physically to the limit. To the point I've ended up in hospital twice for over exerting myself. My blood pressure is like 190/120. There will be no dishes washed, food prepared, clothes washed etc if I don't do it or nag. Husband promised he would renovate our room (his literal only house chore). I have been waiting 3 years. He couldn't even finish it in time for the baby. The set up we have is unbelievably uncomfortable. I am having to do everything. On top of everything, I now cannot even trust this person to keep our child safe in the 2 solo feeds and changes he does a day. The only time for me to get any reprieve has been stolen. He has 4 months off work by the way. He isn't working a full time job and doing this. I am despise him so much. I just can't take it anymore. I hate him so much. I know they are 'accidents' and I'll probably get dragged for this post, but it's just a pattern of absolute reckless behaviour. It's only been 2 weeks. I don't think he gives a shit about me to be honest. He seems to care about the baby, but I can't sleep tonight. I cannot trust him to keep the baby safe any longer. I genuinely think I'll end up in a psychiatric care unit, because I am at the absolute edge. Just need to stay strong for the baby, and maybe I'll need to consider hiring a nanny. Moral of the story - everyone kept telling me how lucky I was because he is handsome and doesn't abuse me. And that's how low the bar is. Not getting abused. Anyway, sorry. I just needed to vent. EDIT: Not sure if anyone is following but just thought I'd provide an update. My mum called me today to ask for help, so I took the opportunity to ask if she could come over and wash the dishes. This is a task she is able to do. Also had some lovely friends visit today and offer help after seeing this post ❤️ They came past, dropped off some food and offered some significant support. It was lovely having some company, and we will be seeing them later this week! Thank you to my friends if they come across this post again. I look forward to getting some help and having a nice time together in the process. Unfortunately, can't financially afford a nanny (maybe a once off as an emergency) but will be contacting some relatives this week to take them up on support they've offered. Re blood pressure: I was checked for protein in my urine at emergency and doctors said it wasn't pre-eclampsia. I tend to agree with them that it's just cumulative stress and lack of sleep. Reflecting today, my husband is obviously going through a hard time himself. Someone suggested medical issues - he does have some that would definately be making him tired. We had a pretty good chat today and he explained that he's feeling very depressed and jaded with everything that's happening. It's been one thing after another. He said he's grieving a time that was meant to be special. Instead it was (and still is) a bit of a nightmare. He too has had broken sleep, and also disclosed to me that he's made an appointment with our doctor to get some support for himself too. He didn't tell me as to not cause me stress. I think this is certainly a step in the right direction and I can only hope for now - a bit of a wake up call for him to take his health seriously and actually talk to someone about the non stop crap that's been happening the last few months. As another post suspected, I am probably suffering from a combo of PPA and PPD (I was already high risk before this). I'm currently in the process of getting further mental health support. Hopefully this will 'deflate' my heightened emotions and anxiety. Once the anxiety eases up, I will be better able to assess what is an actual vs perceived risk. I will be able to focus on taking action and become better at communicating my needs. Cannot believe this post reached so many people, but I thank you all for your responses, varied opinions, wonderful suggestions and messages. And it's so lovely of people to have offered help aswell. I would love to respond to them but don't have the bandwidth unfortunately. Updated moral of the story; this whole experience has helped me to swallow my pride and stop being such a stubborn bastard. I'm so used to being the 'got it together' person that I've forgotten what it feels like to be vulnerable and accept help. I think this is the case for many women unfortunately. I hope someone can read this story and accept help like I have. You would be surprised at who in your life genuinely wants to help. submitted by /u/zeleno1 to r/TwoXChromosomes [link] [comments]

**I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwaway151702 Slight chance my (39M) pregnant wife (38F) had an affair, should I ask for a paternity test or wait? Originally posted to r/relationship_advice Previous BoRU TRIGGER WARNING: possible infidelity, fertility issues Original Post May 9, 2024 My wife (38F) and I (39M) have been together for 12 years. I don't know how to describe it other than calling it the perfect relationship. I think in 12 years we've only ever gotten to the point of really raising our voices at one another maybe 2 or 3 times? We do everything together but always have never had issues allowing each other to lead our own lives and follow our own interests. We bought a house where we wanted.... we both have good high paying jobs that have great work life balance. Basically it's been everything short of perfect. We've been trying for 2 years to get pregnant and it hadn't been happening. We were just about to start the fertility stuff when I came home from a work trip, and guess what she's pregnant. I had this weird instant thought of.... Wait I thought we didn't try during the week last month because of the fertility testing... But I couldn't remember exactly because to be honest... We were busy at it. So I just assumed I miss remembered. Now, I travel around the country pretty regularly for work. Other than COVID, I've been on the road as much as 40 weeks a year sometimes. Since COVID its been less but still more than a week a month. Over the last 4-5 years my wife has gotten very friendly with a guy she works with, let's call him Matt. Matt is slightly younger, I think 34M or so. I know him, he's married, I know his wife. They've worked together for I think 7 years or so. He's always been around, him and I have been friendly. Have I ever thought something was happening? No, but I've always thought.... You'd be a fool to not think there's even a 1% chance your spouse would go outside the relationship. Maybe I'm naive, but I've always seen it as a safeguard to not take my wife or any other partner in the past for granted. She's never given me a reason to think she'd do that. But anything is possible. So about a month ago I'm out of state for work and she's at home. I ask her what she's doing earlier in the day and she says Matt is coming by for dinner. Not out of the ordinary, Matt comes by from time to time. Sometimes with his wife, sometimes without, sometimes when I'm not there. I don't think much of it. We have a security system which includes cameras both inside and outside of the house which we installed after an unrelated incident a few years ago. They record and are live accessable by both her and I. I often use those cameras to check on the dog when I or both of us are away, as the rest of the system is monitored by a company Incase of an alarm going off. She knows I check those cameras, there's a system installed where I can talk through them. I'll mess with my wife and she will with me on them if either of us are out of town (she travels for work as well, but far less than I do). Point is, it's known that I check them often when I'm not at home. So I turn on the camera and I see my 4 months pregnant wife, lying on the floor, on her side with Matt sitting, straddling her legs and using a foam roller to message her hips. So I'm like.... Ok... What the fuck is this. I start rewinding through the footage and they are eating and talking normally, but then they get on the couch and get under the same blanket. Now...... They are feet to feet, but that couch isn't that big. Then they move to the floor and that's when I logged in. Anyway I text her, I'm still watching the cameras they both look like deer in headlights and he very quickly leaves. We get into an argument she isn't mad at me accusing her but she's adamant that nothing has or ever would happen, and that what I saw was innocent and she was complaining about being in pain from the pregnancy.... Which I know is true shes already having some issues with back pain etc.. The biggest point of that discussion was I asked "If I were there would you two have been comfortable doing any of that Infront of me" and she reluctantly admitted... No probably not. I told her I didn't want to talk after that and we'd talk when I got home 3 days later. That's when It hit me..... What if my weird gut moment feeling about her telling me she was finally pregnant, was... This. What if my 1% happened and this is not my child we are having? Now, it eats away at my while I'm at a hotel alone a thousand miles away for 3 days. I reconcile with myself that... I think it's less likely than more likely that something between them has happened. But Basically my 1% just jumped to.... 10% 20% maybe? I get home and she's on eggshells and doesn't mention it. I kinda wait to see what she's going to do. 2 days later she finally brings it up and breaks down. Swears nothing has happened she would never. Doesn't do anything over the top to try and prove anything... Which I took as a good sign. But anyway we talk out the issue and everything to a point of at least moving forward for now. I'm still coping and dealing with it figuring out how to re trust after all this time. I'm getting more and more understanding of the fact that they are friends they've been friends for so long, maybe he has intentions.... But I don't see her having any and I've never really picked up on it and I've spent time around both of them together many many times, and never caught anything. So the thing that is destroying me right now is.... If I'm wrong and something did happen... While I can figure out how to deal with that... What if that child isn't mine. In the argument and few long conversations we've had about the situation since I've never brought that up, and she's not mentioned it. Mostly because I don't want to make the situation worse and crush her if infact she's telling the truth, which I mostly Believe. The only thing I can think to do at this point is to wait until the baby is born and immediately order a paternity test in secret. Should I do that? Should I tell her and have it dealt with now? If you're a woman in her shoes and you're telling the truth, would that destroy you, or your view of me? If you're lying what would you do if I asked? I don't want to ask a super vague question but..... What do I do?! TLDR: very small chance my wife of 12yrs had an affair and she's 4 months pregnant and I can't bring myself to ask for a paternity test for fear of crushing her if nothing actually happened. But I am planning on doing it in secret when the baby comes. What do I do? Update: Soo many comments. Thank you everyone more than I can address directly but I'm going to keep reading a few things. 1 stop DMing me about this, thanks. 2 some have made some good points about addressing it now rather than later and that's something that I'm considering more than I was before, thank you. 3 to those focused only on my relationship. I get it but that's not what I'm focused on. We've been talking about it a lot. My wife and I are pretty open people with each other. I'm not saying I'm convinced nothing happened but I'm more focused on paternity right now. 4 if I need to track, spy on, life360, my wife. Then this relationship is over already. That's not the relationship we have and not one that I ever want, and in my opinion not one anyone should ever have. We are working on rebuilding trust. As I said in this long winded post my default of 1% possibility went up to 10% or so. Trust me I'm taking my relationship seriously but to those I've said this to already. If the kid isn't mine, then there's no longer any conversation to have. 5 I've already had this discussion with my lawyer, I don't live in a state where the birth certificate stuff will be an issue. If I have paperwork that this child isn't mine than divorce isn't going to be much of an issue. Both of us are in an independent financial situation where it won't matter much regardless. I'll keep up with this post as long as I can and post an update when and if anything gets resolved. Update May 10, 2024 Update: Slight chance my (39M) pregnant wife (38F) had an affair, should I ask for a paternity test or wait? Here's the original post from yesterday. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/CphGAU9Tsm So she was out of state on a business trip until late last night. It's Friday so she worked from home in our kitchen. So I asked to talk and brought it up and asked for a test. She immediately said yes and said there's zero doubt and nothing that she'd even have a second to worry about. But she has no problem doing it now. The only caveat I left it with is. If it's invasive at all per our doctors then I'm ok waiting until it's low risk. (I'm not a doctor, no clue what they'd have to do to do it now) So not sure when we are. But she's aware and we are getting one. It was a decent and longer conversation. We are currently sitting together getting lunch. She's got no clue I did this on Reddit. Hence the new account because she is on here somewhere. Thank you everyone for your help and opinions, a bunch of you made me realize that we are already really open about everything and if nothing happened then she wouldn't worry about getting one. I was more worried about her health and adding some insane level of stress if it was an issue as she's an at risk pregnancy and it took soooooo long for us to get pregnant. So again thank you all for the help. I suppose I can update if it's mine or not but I'm not sure how long that will be. I'm... 90-95% sure it is mine. But this will help us continue this conversation. Thank you. Update: just because it seems to be more of a topic on this post vs the other one for some reason.... Yes I have the footage. No I haven't talked to Matt yet. He's told her he wants to talk about it but I've told them to wait on that. My relationship with my wife and the paternity is what's important right now. I will eventually talk with Matt. No I'm not going to get Matt's wife involved intentionally. I don't know why I would other to just be vindictive. I'm not going to cover for him obviously but his relationship is his. And mine is mine. I'm not interested in making this worse. Whatever is going on between him and his wife isn't any of my business. RELEVANT COMMENTS OOP when asked why his wife thought she could be intimate with someone else We've talked about it at length nothing is being ignored. I could write you an essay about our past, her reasons and my feelings on it. But instead I'll just say. I'm aware of it. She's claiming innocence of anything further but at the same time admitting that it wasn't a good look but she wasn't thinking about it at the time. And that's what we are currently working through. When told it doesnt look innocent and asked if his wife goes to Matt's house when his wife isn't home She's 4 months. I was home. And we had been on the clock..... To the point of the days blending together, trust me. We are pretty open people and pretty comfortable with ourselves and each other. I don't know if she's been to his house without his wife. I mean the 3 and 4 of us all hang out probably once or twice a month but they work directly together everyday and have for years. So obviously there's a closeness there. They are both upper management in their company. And at my company I have long term friends that are women. I've traveled with them we've done dinner and hung out in hotel rooms together. But I've never done anything because, that's not me. I'm married and love my wife and my life. I have no reason to. So I mean the optics are bad. I just have to decide if it's only the optics. Or if she has a reason too. Maybe he has a reason too and that's what I saw? That I'm not sure about. But that comes down to, do I trust her to handle that. She says if that's the case she's never noticed it. And she hangs out with him and his wife just about as much as he hangs out with us. She works in a building right near them. My company is based out of Chicago and I live on one of the coasts. So my coworker friends are much more spread out. We can't go to the bar to grab afterwork drinks any day like they can. Honestly I usually go to their work hangouts more than mine because of that. I'm friendly with her CEO because of it. So is it perfect? No. But I've always trusted her, I've never had a reason not to. In 15 years, this is the first, crack or dent in it. OOP gives a clearer description of what happened that day That's not what I saw. She said something, he froze. Said something I couldn't hear she said no no don't worry about it. He put something in the dishwasher and she walked him out to the front door. He didn't dive out the window. You have to remember this is Reddit. I'm not putting every single nuanced detail in this because that would take me hours to write and I'm not putting my security footage on the Internet for strangers to see. The reason I have the security system in the first place is because of a stranger on the internet. I'm not saying anything beyond that didn't happen for sure between them. I'm saying I don't know now and I don't have any proof. That's what my wife and I are discussing just about every day and what we are working through. The original point of the post was..... The only thing we hadn't talked about was paternity because I don't want to put her in a situation where she medically loses the child. Mine or not. Not only have I not been able to put every single nuanced thing in this I've also sprinkled in false details about our lives, nothing pertinent to what happened but other mundane details. I was a very small public figure at one point. And some low life from the Internet traveled across the country to make death threats against us because of something warped in his head. To the point where the federal government had to get involved. People in here are wildly jumping at conclusions with much less information than I have and ignoring the original point of the post and the original questions asked. Has he told Matt's wife She is my wife's friend's wife. We don't meet up and knit together. I know her through my wife. I see her maybe once every few months at a bar after work, or if they come by for dinner or to hang out. We aren't besties. Again what should I go tell her. Hey your husband was at my house. I knew he was there and I saw him run a foam roller over the outside of my wife's hip while he was sitting on her feet..... It's super obvious they are fucking and Even though I'm not sure. It's possible she's carrying his baby. This isn't a soap opera. There's nothing I KNOW that I can tell her so why would she take my word on what tiny evidence there is. And why or how in the world would that help my situation? If all of this is false now I've destroyed my relationship for acting like a child trying to drum up drama for what obviously looks like being vindictive, and I put them in the same situation we are in now.... For something THAT I DON'T KNOW IS TRUE YET. I believe you have entirely lost the plot here. NEW UPDATE Update 2 Aug 21, 2024 Update #2: Slight chance my (39M) pregnant wife (38F) had an affair, should I ask for a paternity test or wait? I'm an old man at heart and I didn't understand how update bot works. So here's your next update I also edited this into the last update. Update#2. Hi folks. So I haven't been touching this account at all as I was mostly bombarded by people telling me I'm an AI, wishing my wife a miscarriage, claiming she's going to get a secret abortion to "save herself". Or that I'm a clown for not "keeping it real" and destroying someone else's marriage over speculation only. I'm amazed that people are still following this and invested in it after all this time. Here's where we are at: Yes my wife is still very much pregnant. She's in the hard to pick things up off the floor stage. She's due in 8 weeks.... Holy shit 6 weeks actually, just looked at the calendar. We are getting weekly ultrasounds at this point. He's already about 5 lbs and has a big ol head. Her and I had some very long direct conversations about everything. She is adamant that nothing has ever happened and nothing ever would. For a while she was pretty upset with herself for causing this and causing my feelings of doubt. I've done my best to remedy that as I've gotta keep stress off her as much as possible right now... But it will for sure be revisited after the birth. As I've been saying the entire time... I'm really only worried about the child and the birth going well etc. well... Mostly maybe not "only" The only thing we still really disagree on is I thought he was getting too close because he had developed feelings or was getting attention that he wasn't getting elsewhere maybe etc. she doesn't see it that way but has also said it's possible but if so she was blind to it. I told her I wanted a paternity test and she immediately agreed to it and said no problem at all. My only stipulation was that it couldn't be medically risky or stress inducing at all as she's a high risk pregnancy. We both spoke to her doctors about it and they basically told us that our only option was to go to the courthouse because they wouldn't do one without the law involved..... Which we both thought was ridiculous. Her doctor was a bit thrown off by it so I didn't press very hard, it was honestly her pretty much demanding it. I knew there were other options. I looked into those other options and ultimately decided to wait until the birth and I have a lab already set up to do it, ready to go. I'm 95% sure it's unnecessary but... I'm still getting one for my peace of mind and mostly so that nothing will come between me and my child. For those of you that have left me messages of support that I didn't get back to. Thank you. I'm going to spend some time going through them tonight before I run off again. For those of you who've left messages that think I should be acting like a 17 year old highschool student and either getting violent, purposely cheating on my wife to prove a point, or other childish trash... thanks for the entertainment at least. Stop watching TLC, and tiktok. that dumbass drama ain't the way kiddos. And to the one person who suggested I "cause an accident" with my wife, I hope you end up behind bars some day. It's really likely I'm not going to come back here after tonight until after I get the results from the lab. So if you're really still interested in the results come back in 1.5-2 months I've been told the results take about 48 hours once submitted. I'll give you your Maury moment then. OOP Answers questions in a comment Here Just as a preempt I'm going to post something I responded to someone else on the last post just a minute ago but I likely won't check this account until after the birth after this: Comment #1. People seem to be reading into the reasons I thought all this was more than what I said. I've seen "dude...they were in bed together.. you caught them" or "they were cuddling under a blanket..". Totally get how the telephone game works... But I never said any of that. So I'll clarify I guess. Here's exactly what I saw. They were on the sectional couch in my livingroom at either ends under the same large blanket, feet to feet. The "massage". She was laying on the floor in her side he was sitting by her feet and rolling one of those big foam rollers on her back and side, which is something I do all the time because she's been complaining about back and outer hip pain. Still enough for me to raise a concern with her... But people seem to be reading into that as.... They were basically dry humping and thought you couldn't see. Comment #2 I'm being told that I'm being oblivious and ignoring the obvious. And letting her and him off the hook. This is a direct comment I left someone giving my thoughts on that I think they said something like "this is what guys who choose to have their head in the sand say" My response: "Yea I'm pretty well aware of that. I've also stated many times that my wife is a high at risk pregnancy so I've decided to try and not explode things until I know something for a fact and risk what would potentially be the only opportunity I have to have a child at my age. If it turns out I'm wrong and that happens because I blew all this up over nothing I don't know how I could live with myself.... And my marriage likely wouldn't survive that anyway.... Soooo I don't see that as a winning option. If I deal with it calmly and like an adult and If I'm wrong.... Then great, we can move on. And if I'm right then.... It can still be dealt with accordingly with facts and not speculation. If the child is mine, and the birth goes well... Then we have a healthy child and I can deal with the remainder of any damage she has or hasn't done without risking potentially the only child I'm going to have. Trust me. I'm not ignoring it, I'm choosing to support my wife to get through the pregnancy first.... Then I'll deal with the rest of it. It's probably been the hardest thing I've ever done emotionally.... But here we are..." (End of copied comment.) I know I'm a sarcastic SOB in some of these comments, but honestly thank you for everyone's concern and I have gotten some good advice from people.... Mostly this has been a bit cathartic to write all this down as... Most of my friends are toxic dudes who are more interested in fighting about golf or some other pointless shit. Love em.... But I don't really have anyone other than her to talk to about any of this. So honestly thank you. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

**I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwaway151702 Slight chance my (39M) pregnant wife (38F) had an affair, should I ask for a paternity test or wait? Originally posted to r/relationship_advice TRIGGER WARNING: possible infidelity, fertility issues Original Post May 9, 2024 My wife (38F) and I (39M) have been together for 12 years. I don't know how to describe it other than calling it the perfect relationship. I think in 12 years we've only ever gotten to the point of really raising our voices at one another maybe 2 or 3 times? We do everything together but always have never had issues allowing each other to lead our own lives and follow our own interests. We bought a house where we wanted.... we both have good high paying jobs that have great work life balance. Basically it's been everything short of perfect. We've been trying for 2 years to get pregnant and it hadn't been happening. We were just about to start the fertility stuff when I came home from a work trip, and guess what she's pregnant. I had this weird instant thought of.... Wait I thought we didn't try during the week last month because of the fertility testing... But I couldn't remember exactly because to be honest... We were busy at it. So I just assumed I miss remembered. Now, I travel around the country pretty regularly for work. Other than COVID, I've been on the road as much as 40 weeks a year sometimes. Since COVID its been less but still more than a week a month. Over the last 4-5 years my wife has gotten very friendly with a guy she works with, let's call him Matt. Matt is slightly younger, I think 34M or so. I know him, he's married, I know his wife. They've worked together for I think 7 years or so. He's always been around, him and I have been friendly. Have I ever thought something was happening? No, but I've always thought.... You'd be a fool to not think there's even a 1% chance your spouse would go outside the relationship. Maybe I'm naive, but I've always seen it as a safeguard to not take my wife or any other partner in the past for granted. She's never given me a reason to think she'd do that. But anything is possible. So about a month ago I'm out of state for work and she's at home. I ask her what she's doing earlier in the day and she says Matt is coming by for dinner. Not out of the ordinary, Matt comes by from time to time. Sometimes with his wife, sometimes without, sometimes when I'm not there. I don't think much of it. We have a security system which includes cameras both inside and outside of the house which we installed after an unrelated incident a few years ago. They record and are live accessable by both her and I. I often use those cameras to check on the dog when I or both of us are away, as the rest of the system is monitored by a company Incase of an alarm going off. She knows I check those cameras, there's a system installed where I can talk through them. I'll mess with my wife and she will with me on them if either of us are out of town (she travels for work as well, but far less than I do). Point is, it's known that I check them often when I'm not at home. So I turn on the camera and I see my 4 months pregnant wife, lying on the floor, on her side with Matt sitting, straddling her legs and using a foam roller to message her hips. So I'm like.... Ok... What the fuck is this. I start rewinding through the footage and they are eating and talking normally, but then they get on the couch and get under the same blanket. Now...... They are feet to feet, but that couch isn't that big. Then they move to the floor and that's when I logged in. Anyway I text her, I'm still watching the cameras they both look like deer in headlights and he very quickly leaves. We get into an argument she isn't mad at me accusing her but she's adamant that nothing has or ever would happen, and that what I saw was innocent and she was complaining about being in pain from the pregnancy.... Which I know is true shes already having some issues with back pain etc.. The biggest point of that discussion was I asked "If I were there would you two have been comfortable doing any of that Infront of me" and she reluctantly admitted... No probably not. I told her I didn't want to talk after that and we'd talk when I got home 3 days later. That's when It hit me..... What if my weird gut moment feeling about her telling me she was finally pregnant, was... This. What if my 1% happened and this is not my child we are having? Now, it eats away at my while I'm at a hotel alone a thousand miles away for 3 days. I reconcile with myself that... I think it's less likely than more likely that something between them has happened. But Basically my 1% just jumped to.... 10% 20% maybe? I get home and she's on eggshells and doesn't mention it. I kinda wait to see what she's going to do. 2 days later she finally brings it up and breaks down. Swears nothing has happened she would never. Doesn't do anything over the top to try and prove anything... Which I took as a good sign. But anyway we talk out the issue and everything to a point of at least moving forward for now. I'm still coping and dealing with it figuring out how to re trust after all this time. I'm getting more and more understanding of the fact that they are friends they've been friends for so long, maybe he has intentions.... But I don't see her having any and I've never really picked up on it and I've spent time around both of them together many many times, and never caught anything. So the thing that is destroying me right now is.... If I'm wrong and something did happen... While I can figure out how to deal with that... What if that child isn't mine. In the argument and few long conversations we've had about the situation since I've never brought that up, and she's not mentioned it. Mostly because I don't want to make the situation worse and crush her if infact she's telling the truth, which I mostly Believe. The only thing I can think to do at this point is to wait until the baby is born and immediately order a paternity test in secret. Should I do that? Should I tell her and have it dealt with now? If you're a woman in her shoes and you're telling the truth, would that destroy you, or your view of me? If you're lying what would you do if I asked? I don't want to ask a super vague question but..... What do I do?! TLDR: very small chance my wife of 12yrs had an affair and she's 4 months pregnant and I can't bring myself to ask for a paternity test for fear of crushing her if nothing actually happened. But I am planning on doing it in secret when the baby comes. What do I do? Update: Soo many comments. Thank you everyone more than I can address directly but I'm going to keep reading a few things. 1 stop DMing me about this, thanks. 2 some have made some good points about addressing it now rather than later and that's something that I'm considering more than I was before, thank you. 3 to those focused only on my relationship. I get it but that's not what I'm focused on. We've been talking about it a lot. My wife and I are pretty open people with each other. I'm not saying I'm convinced nothing happened but I'm more focused on paternity right now. 4 if I need to track, spy on, life360, my wife. Then this relationship is over already. That's not the relationship we have and not one that I ever want, and in my opinion not one anyone should ever have. We are working on rebuilding trust. As I said in this long winded post my default of 1% possibility went up to 10% or so. Trust me I'm taking my relationship seriously but to those I've said this to already. If the kid isn't mine, then there's no longer any conversation to have. 5 I've already had this discussion with my lawyer, I don't live in a state where the birth certificate stuff will be an issue. If I have paperwork that this child isn't mine than divorce isn't going to be much of an issue. Both of us are in an independent financial situation where it won't matter much regardless. I'll keep up with this post as long as I can and post an update when and if anything gets resolved. Update May 10, 2024 Update: Slight chance my (39M) pregnant wife (38F) had an affair, should I ask for a paternity test or wait? Here's the original post from yesterday. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/CphGAU9Tsm So she was out of state on a business trip until late last night. It's Friday so she worked from home in our kitchen. So I asked to talk and brought it up and asked for a test. She immediately said yes and said there's zero doubt and nothing that she'd even have a second to worry about. But she has no problem doing it now. The only caveat I left it with is. If it's invasive at all per our doctors then I'm ok waiting until it's low risk. (I'm not a doctor, no clue what they'd have to do to do it now) So not sure when we are. But she's aware and we are getting one. It was a decent and longer conversation. We are currently sitting together getting lunch. She's got no clue I did this on Reddit. Hence the new account because she is on here somewhere. Thank you everyone for your help and opinions, a bunch of you made me realize that we are already really open about everything and if nothing happened then she wouldn't worry about getting one. I was more worried about her health and adding some insane level of stress if it was an issue as she's an at risk pregnancy and it took soooooo long for us to get pregnant. So again thank you all for the help. I suppose I can update if it's mine or not but I'm not sure how long that will be. I'm... 90-95% sure it is mine. But this will help us continue this conversation. Thank you. Update: just because it seems to be more of a topic on this post vs the other one for some reason.... Yes I have the footage. No I haven't talked to Matt yet. He's told her he wants to talk about it but I've told them to wait on that. My relationship with my wife and the paternity is what's important right now. I will eventually talk with Matt. No I'm not going to get Matt's wife involved intentionally. I don't know why I would other to just be vindictive. I'm not going to cover for him obviously but his relationship is his. And mine is mine. I'm not interested in making this worse. Whatever is going on between him and his wife isn't any of my business. RELEVANT COMMENTS OOP when asked why his wife thought she could be intimate with someone else We've talked about it at length nothing is being ignored. I could write you an essay about our past, her reasons and my feelings on it. But instead I'll just say. I'm aware of it. She's claiming innocence of anything further but at the same time admitting that it wasn't a good look but she wasn't thinking about it at the time. And that's what we are currently working through. When told it doesnt look innocent and asked if his wife goes to Matt's house when his wife isn't home She's 4 months. I was home. And we had been on the clock..... To the point of the days blending together, trust me. We are pretty open people and pretty comfortable with ourselves and each other. I don't know if she's been to his house without his wife. I mean the 3 and 4 of us all hang out probably once or twice a month but they work directly together everyday and have for years. So obviously there's a closeness there. They are both upper management in their company. And at my company I have long term friends that are women. I've traveled with them we've done dinner and hung out in hotel rooms together. But I've never done anything because, that's not me. I'm married and love my wife and my life. I have no reason to. So I mean the optics are bad. I just have to decide if it's only the optics. Or if she has a reason too. Maybe he has a reason too and that's what I saw? That I'm not sure about. But that comes down to, do I trust her to handle that. She says if that's the case she's never noticed it. And she hangs out with him and his wife just about as much as he hangs out with us. She works in a building right near them. My company is based out of Chicago and I live on one of the coasts. So my coworker friends are much more spread out. We can't go to the bar to grab afterwork drinks any day like they can. Honestly I usually go to their work hangouts more than mine because of that. I'm friendly with her CEO because of it. So is it perfect? No. But I've always trusted her, I've never had a reason not to. In 15 years, this is the first, crack or dent in it. OOP gives a clearer description of what happened that day That's not what I saw. She said something, he froze. Said something I couldn't hear she said no no don't worry about it. He put something in the dishwasher and she walked him out to the front door. He didn't dive out the window. You have to remember this is Reddit. I'm not putting every single nuanced detail in this because that would take me hours to write and I'm not putting my security footage on the Internet for strangers to see. The reason I have the security system in the first place is because of a stranger on the internet. I'm not saying anything beyond that didn't happen for sure between them. I'm saying I don't know now and I don't have any proof. That's what my wife and I are discussing just about every day and what we are working through. The original point of the post was..... The only thing we hadn't talked about was paternity because I don't want to put her in a situation where she medically loses the child. Mine or not. Not only have I not been able to put every single nuanced thing in this I've also sprinkled in false details about our lives, nothing pertinent to what happened but other mundane details. I was a very small public figure at one point. And some low life from the Internet traveled across the country to make death threats against us because of something warped in his head. To the point where the federal government had to get involved. People in here are wildly jumping at conclusions with much less information than I have and ignoring the original point of the post and the original questions asked. Has he told Matt's wife She is my wife's friend's wife. We don't meet up and knit together. I know her through my wife. I see her maybe once every few months at a bar after work, or if they come by for dinner or to hang out. We aren't besties. Again what should I go tell her. Hey your husband was at my house. I knew he was there and I saw him run a foam roller over the outside of my wife's hip while he was sitting on her feet..... It's super obvious they are fucking and Even though I'm not sure. It's possible she's carrying his baby. This isn't a soap opera. There's nothing I KNOW that I can tell her so why would she take my word on what tiny evidence there is. And why or how in the world would that help my situation? If all of this is false now I've destroyed my relationship for acting like a child trying to drum up drama for what obviously looks like being vindictive, and I put them in the same situation we are in now.... For something THAT I DON'T KNOW IS TRUE YET. I believe you have entirely lost the plot here. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I (35f) have a group of friends I’ve known since uni. We have always been close and despite all moving to different parts of the country, we make the effort to have weekends away in an Airbnb a few times a year. Of the 6 of us, I’m the only one without kids. I don’t mind kids but just not interested in having my own. When we do our weekends, they often bring their kids (not partners, it’s just us and the kids). We always split the cost of the Airbnb equally and arrange a supermarket food delivery which is also split 6 ways despite the fact the kids stuff is half the food bill (they’re all fussy so completely separate food is bought for them - chicken nuggets, fish fingers etc) I am gluten intolerant so need special foods but the group ask me not to add those to the order due to expense - they don’t seem to get me paying for kids food I won’t eat is the same as them paying for gluten free food. Also, as the childless one, I get the sofa bed whilst the others get the big, comfy bedrooms for them and their kids. It’s just assumed that it’s ok and I never get consulted. As you can tell, I find it annoying as it’s never acknowledged that I get the short straw despite paying the same as them - however, I love spending time with them so I don’t say anything to avoid rocking the boat. That was until recently when I got a dog. None of my friends or their kids have an issue with dogs but they’re also not big dog people either. For our next meet up, I asked if anyone would mind if I bought the dog so I wouldn’t have the expense of a dog sitter. I made it clear that I would monitor her carefully - go outside with her to clean up poop immediately, put her in her crate for sleep, bring a baby gate to keep her in a separate room from the kids, bring all her food. I’d take sole response if damage happened. My friends said they weren’t comfortable with that - I completely get it. However, I said in that case I would need to pay for a sitter/kennels and therefore I think we need to revisit the way we split the costs. If I’m making concessions to accommodate the kids, then I should pay a smaller portion of the Airbnb. Also, I said I would not be paying for the portion of the food bill which is for the children. I’ll pay my equal share of the adult food but no more. They have said I’m being unreasonable and they don’t understand how I can claim I’m getting the short straw with the room/food. They believe I’m being petty because they said no to the dog - I don’t think I am. I’m just asking for them to make concessions for me the way I have for them for many years. They say I’m comparing my dog to their kids - I’m not, I’m pointing out that the money paid vs the resources being used is out of balance and now I have the dog, I can no longer support this. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable but would like to hear what others think. AITA? submitted by /u/Pinkbunny1988 to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

I don’t think I’m in the wrong here but maybe I’m being unreasonable, I don’t know. I 24F have been with my gf 22F for about 2 years now. She’s wonderful and I love her a lot. On our very first date, something I noticed was that she didn’t seem very concerned with cleanliness. Something to note is that masks were still mandatory where we live and so covid concerns were still very much a thing. We ended our date by grabbing a snack that she wanted us to bring back to her place. We got there and she immediately started taking everything out without washing her hands. Maybe I’m just a clean freak, but this surprised me a little. I brushed it off until she excitedly tried to get me to try some charcuterie jelly she had. She did this by dipping her finger directly into the jar and holding it out for me to try. At this point I felt pretty icky about it and jokingly said something like “and get a taste of all that stuff we were touching earlier?” (We were out and about, public transit, etc). She seemed a little embarrassed but agreed that was a little gross, but still didn’t wash her hands. This was the first day we knew each other. To this day, I have not witnessed her wash her hands with anything more than water. And even that takes me asking multiple times. She will go about her whole day, use the washroom, etc. without washing her hands. She loves finding “treasures” when we’re walking around, like abandoned toys, household stuff, clothes, etc even if they are visibly very dirty. She touches everything and anything, doesn’t wash her hands. She also showers maybe twice a week, doesn’t use soap there either. The ONLY time she washes her hair or uses soap to clean her body is when I literally do it for her, which she says she enjoys. This wouldn’t bother me so much if it weren’t for a few things: she likes to cook for me, she loves to dip her fingers into jars and drink straight from bottles instead of using silverware and cups, she touches my face a lot, and to be honest, she stinks. And onto my main point, she is ALWAYS sick. She tends to be very sensitive and gets very upset if she thinks that I’m implying that she’s gross in any way, so I try to be as gentle as possible when encouraging her to wash herself. Eventually, I guess I got fed up when she was complaining about being sick again, and said that maybe the reason she keeps getting colds, covid, etc. is because her hygiene isn’t very good. She got really quiet, cried a bit, and now she thinks that I think she is disgusting and cries whenever I bring up washing hands or anything like that. She used to just laugh and brush it off but now she seems to be really upset by it. I don’t know what else to do, and I feel like a jerk. But I don’t think I did anything wrong either. Edit: I’m getting a lot of the same questions in the comments and I responded to some but I’ll add it here. “What about when we’re intimate?” I’m a top, we pretty much only use toys and a strap, and I don’t like receiving (ever, not just from her). So yeah I’m not concerned about getting UTIs from that. I only go down on her after she’s had a thorough shower (done by me) “Have you ever asked why she doesn’t want to wash/why she doesn’t like soap?” Yeah and she usually brushes it off with humour, or starts crying. The little information I’ve been able to gather is that her parents were kind of neglectful by not really teaching her about this stuff. She also used to be bullied for being the “smelly kid” at school, and past partners have called her gross. She claims to not like the soap I have, even though I have several different types (bar, liquid, Castile, unscented baby soap). She also claims to be a “dirty hippie” or a “raccoon girl” and I think she just considers this like a quirky personality trait. “You’re gross too for being with her” yeah well I FEEL gross when she touches me, shares a bed with me, touches my things, cooks for me. I always change my sheets after she leaves, clean everything, I can usually get away with not eating what she cooks as I’m vegetarian and she usually cooks with meat. The odd time she cooks something vegetarian I’ll insist on doing the veggie cleaning and chopping and dump it in the pan or whatever for her, so minimal touching on her part. I know a lot of people don’t wash their hands often, but I’ve always washed mine frequently, and I sanitize my phone every day. I don’t like feeling this way, but the way she reacts makes me feel like I’m overreacting. “If I knew she was like this on the first date why did I keep dating her/why are you monitoring her bathroom and hygiene habits so closely, you’re a creep” It’s one of those things that sort of builds up over time and you don’t really see how bad it is until you’re deep into it. I was in a long term abusive relationship prior to this, and I’m NOT trying to compare this to abuse, but it’s the same idea of a “little” problem snowballing until one day you’re like damn, this is bad. I knew her hygiene wasn’t 100% right away, but I didn’t know it was literally non existent until we started spending prolonged periods of time at each others places and using the bathroom with each other in the room vs alone with the door closed, then I’d see her in the shower just standing there under the water not lathering up, using the toilet then just rinsing her hands with water, etc. She complains that she doesn’t like the soap I have, but I tell her that I have multiple types of soap (bar soap, regular liquid hand and body soaps of various scents, Castile soap, unscented baby soap, etc) so surely she must be okay with one of them? But no, she just hates using soap, period. submitted by /u/throwRAdirtygf to r/TwoHotTakes [link] [comments]

This week has been the hardest week of my life and I am not one to want to share these things, but I believe too many people are ignorant about what going through a miscarriage is actually like (including myself before this week). My husband and I have been trying for a baby for almost a year. I had made so many life style changes, started reading baby books, was taking my prenatal vitamins, and already seeing a physician about possible fertility issue just in case. Finally, on June 4th, I had a positive pregnancy test. My husband and I both cried, it was probably the best day of our lives. We were overzealous and though we knew miscarriage was an option, you can't convince yourself it will happen to you. We started preparing immediately, buying baby stuff, making lists, and I had a dr's appointment and my first ultrasound scheduled within days. On Wednesday, my baby was supposed to be 9 weeks and 3 days. We went to the ultrasound and there my baby was. It was there and everything I wanted. Even though I could see it, and it seemed so perfect, I felt in my gut something was wrong because the ultrasound tech was quiet. The silence was deafening and I was convincing myself she was quiet because she wasn't the Dr and wasn't allowed to talk about it. After what felt like 10-15 minutes of pictures, she pulled the ultrasound back to my baby and zoomed back in. She started talking finally. "And there's your baby, there's the yolk, and the sac... I am so sorry but there is no heartbeat." She just sat there, with my baby on the screen, the probe still in my vagina, as I cried and all my husband could do is grab my leg. Eventually she pulled it out and told me she would be back with a Dr. We sat in there for twenty minutes, crying. I spiraled through all the emotions possible grief, anger, fear, guilt, and denial. I almost convinced myself that once the Dr saw the pictures he would know the baby was fine, and the technician was wrong. The Dr came in and confirmed the baby was not viable. They are able to tell in two ways, one by some measurement (I cannot remember what it was) and by not having a heartbeat. My baby was not viable for both reasons. The Dr talked with us for a long time and was very kind, but it was so confusing and hard. Miscarriage is confusing and not enough people talk about it. He told me I had a few options: 1) wait to see if my body miscarries by itself. I was not showing signs of miscarriage, and my baby was still there. He said this could take weeks and if the process begins it can take weeks. He said if I do this, I need to monitor for heavy bleeding, extreme pain/cramping, fevers, shortness of breath, and chills. I asked, well isn't miscarrying going to produce heavy bleeding and extreme cramping? His answer was yes. Then how do I know if I need to go to the emergency room? He said well go if you think you need to. If my body did not miscarry itself, I could get sick from sepsis and would put myself at risk and possibly need more emergent care. 2) Take a medical intervention (misoprostol). This will cause the miscarriage and most of it will be done between 24 and 48 hours. 3) Do a D&C, a surgical procedure to remove all the tissue. The Dr. scheduled me an appointment for the very next day to figure out what we wanted to do. The next day I was with a new Dr to me, but a Dr they specifically chosen because she had dealt with this with patients before and she told me she has went through it herself. Wednesday night, I had extremely cramping and heavy bleeding. I believed this was likely my miscarriage, and it had happened naturally. I told the Dr what had happened, and again realized I knew nothing about miscarriages. She said it could have been. It could have been some of it, could have been none of it. She said I still had the option to wait it out naturally, but again this could lead to it's own risks. We talked through all the options again, and my husband and I agreed the misoprostol was the best option. This way we would know it was done and wouldn't have to live in fear waiting. And to be honest, I couldn't live with knowing my dead baby was inside me any longer. These are abortion pills. These are what you take when you need an abortion. Let me tell you why I fucking know first hand why no one uses this shit was birth control. I was so scared to take these pills. "Expect extreme cramping and bleeding, but also go to the emergency room if you have extreme cramping and bleeding." It was all so confusing. "Be warry of fevers, chills, shortness of breath, dizziness." Expect extreme pain, but just rotate between over the counter Tylenol and ibuprofen. Know this could go on for up to 48 hours. Stay home. And at the end she said "When you go to the pharmacy, they are going to ask if you are pregnant. If you say yes, they will not give them to you. Tell them instead you are having an active miscarriage". Our hell wasn't over. Now we get to go to a Walgreens pharmacy and have to be asked an intrusive question and answer it in front of everyone. You ever been to a Walgreen's pharmacy???????? There is no fucking privacy. I already had a pit in my gut, I am in Missouri, I was ready for the judgement. I went to the Walgreen's pharmacy attached to the medical center I was at. I thought it would be safe and they would be the most understanding. And they were... but they did haven't the prescription. She told me she could order it for tomorrow (Friday). My husband had to leave for work on Saturday and I didn't want to be going through this alone, so I told her I needed it today. She told me to try another Walgreens. We went to the next Walgreens. I asked the technician to check if they had it before they filled it, because I needed it today. She checked and said it was available and they would get it filled. I felt some relief and was ready to get this one nightmare over with and start the next. Then she came out, and she said she was so sorry but the pharmacist refused to fill it. The pharmacist refused to fill it. It hadn't clicked in my head what was going on, I asked why, she said he said the "dose was too high". I gave them my medical paper work (I was not thinking, I just was panicked and wanted this over with). She gave it back to him and came back and just said he refused to fill it. That's it. I asked what I can do, what I need to do. She said she didn't know, there was nothing. To be honest, I cursed and I cried. I am embarrassed but have I not fucking been through enough? have I not fucking suffered enough? My husband and I went back to the car and we called the original pharmacy, I was crying and yelling and they were so nice. They worked to figure out what they could do for me, and they ended up being able to fill it by giving me a shit ton of lower dosage pills. Thank you to those brilliant angels that went out of their way because they realized how much I needed just some fucking human decency. I bled a lot on the pills. I cramped a lot and it hurt. I cried a lot and I miss my baby. And then Friday I was told Roe vs Wade was gone. And I have heard so many people over and over again say this won't hurt women who are having miscarriages and how we are overreacting. I can tell you right now, the day before it was even gone, that I was denied my medication I needed for my miscarriage. I was denied it in Missouri by a male pharmacist. Right now, it hurts too much, but I am going to call and get his name and file a formal complaint, but this will not end. This will get worse. I am so scared to have a baby now. This process hurt so much and was so evil and such a fucking nightmare. And now it will be worse. I am so scared of how I will be treated if this happens again. We don't deserve this, no one deserves this. I was always pro-choice because it's none of my damn business what other women do with their bodies. But I wanted to share my story, because so many people keeping fucking spouting how this won't affect women who have miscarriages. FUCK YOU to every single one of those people. ​ EDIT: I want to say thank you for everyone's kindness. After this situation and then all the Roe vs Wade discussion right afterwards, I was feeling very negative, helpless, and alone. This has made me feel much stronger, more hopeful, and now angry. My family filed complaints by calling this customer service number: Company/Store Inquiries or Complaints: (toll-free) 1-800-WALGREENS (1-800-925-4733) . Please be warned, some of them were moved around a few times and on hold a few times. I am unsure of other avenues to complaints. u/copper_rainbows shared the following privacy complaint form link: https://www.walgreens.com/pharmacy/privacyComplaintForm/privacyComplaintForm.jsp?tier3Id=1462 My details for the complaint and others to avoid this Walgreens Address: 330 SW Ward Rd, Lee's Summit, MO 64081 Time: June 23, 2022 at ~4:10 PM There was only one pharmacist on staff at this time from my knowledge. With these details, Walgreens will know who the person was and I will not have to share a name. The entire situation: - Called them on our way to their location at 3:58 PM, the technician that answered kept getting our last name spelt wrong and would not answer if they could fill it today. - Arrive there around 6-8 minutes later, gave details to technician at the counter and asked if she could see if they could fill it today. - Technician checked and said yes it was available and went to process the medication. - We waited at the chairs in the lobby. The technician came out and said the pharmacist refused to fill the medication, the dosage was too high. I asked what we could do, she said he called our original Walgreens pharmacy (the one that did not have the specific dosage I needed on hand) and they did not answer (WE WILL GET BACK TO THIS). I asked if we could call our physician. She did not respond. - THE DOSAGE WAS FOR 600 MICROGRAMS OF MISOPROSTOL EVERY 6 HOURS FOR 24 HOURS. YOU CAN EASILY GOOGLE THIS IS ACTUALLY ON THE LOWER END OF DOSAGES FOR MISCARRIAGE. - Gave the technician my paperwork to give to the pharmacist (I should not have done this, but was panicked and did not know what to do) - She took it back to him, came back and just said he would not fill it. - Asked what I can do? Can I call my physician? What if I call the other pharmacy? - She did not respond or give any advice. - The pharmacist NEVER CAME TO SPEAK TO ME. Never. - I cried and cursed. Sorry to the technician, but no one would help me or give me any information. - Left and went to my car. Immediately called the original Walgreens pharmacy. They answered immediately and said they never received a call. I told them about the situation, she was silent and said they were not going to fill it, and started working with me to get it figured out there. submitted by /u/tealongwithme to r/TwoXChromosomes [link] [comments]