Football Drip

May 26, 2026 7:01:54 GMT rodneyafterdave said: Peter Crouch has had his say, inching towards a change this summer...? www.stokesentinel.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/stoke-city-manager-mark-robins-10982996 Timing of this article is very interesting. Drip feeding the inevitable.

... names 10 Big Ten-SEC college football matchups he wants to see... Big Ten-SEC matchups in college football that he wants to see... history call in a college football game in Columbus at the... as any rivalry in college football, maybe second only to Michigan... in the history of college football, and you get those colors... time, it would just like drip with nostalgia. We'd be thinking...

...] obviously on Monday. Just little drip feed throughout the week. Appreciation.... We'll review all our processes, football department and broader club. We...

... heard of many football "fans" who are worried about the drip lines at...

Changed my chain whilst listening to the last 15 minutes of the football. After the game and Giro I took the bike into the back garden cleaned it and degreased the chain so I could apply drip wax.

... were a few from the football team, a few loners and... Buffy, unconsciously wiping a small drip of blood from her nose. ... discipline a student throwing a football in the corridor or shouting ...

... has noting to do with football.....the only angle would be... may step away from some football activities this summer (which he... shared a bed Also the drip of pics and people that...

... lovers descended on London's Tottenham’s football stadium to watch the Tyson... years old. His water brand Drip launched with a boxing organisation....wikipedia.org Matchroom Teams With Drip As Our Official Water Partner...

Crewelad87 said: ↑ Any other clubs that aren't involved in play offs, still not had a retained list, or is it just us? Click to expand... As is the way with a properly run football club, ours is being drip fed out by the club and the players themselves via Social Media. Two new contracts & 2 players that have tweeted that they're leaving.

... any injuries. Jack felt something drip out of his nose and... there! Did you play kingdom football when you were in high... assumed that kingdom football was similar to american football. "N, snrk, No...

@LanceReisland KC Concepcion catches the football naturally and does not fight ... it common for guys w drip issues in college to fix... who struggle to catch the football naturally, fight the ball, or ...

... complete irrelevancy at least in football. They can't compete. Within 10... of 20 or 30 top football programs that will rule the... do this to us one drip at a time. Antitrust laws...

... and even the little handheld football games where your players were... that any different than a "Drip Champion" (why two versions of...

... to change the college and drip they have. -superstar I want... to skip weeks like college football 26 did and superstar shouldn’t...

... remotely qualified as Director of Football/Sport (or whatever it is... the best manager in English football history, and he did a... knows how to run a football club. He could even ask ... she probably likes about football is that it keeps her drip of a brother...

... quarterback and range toward the football. Similar in ways to Callen... Brent Brennan (also has “best drip” on the team, according to... father (Tee Smith Sr.) played football at Arizona State (1991-94) and... is now a football coach. Genesis Smith started playing ...flag football before graduating to tackle football. He started the Genesis...

... that money tap starts to drip, for instance by being in... to be the big challenge," football finance expert Kieran Maguire told ... www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/articles/cx29zwlnkpko

... football-on-credit-card gamble..by Dale Johnson, Football issues correspondent ichef.bbci.co... that money tap starts to drip, for instance by being in... to be the big challenge," football finance expert Kieran Maguire told ...

... and having information coming out drip by drip thus leading to multiple... are being allowed to own football clubs. Having said all that...

... threw the lizard like a football. Oscar spun in a tight... stone itself. A slow, heavy drip ran down the archway where ...

...M.O Soulja Boy - DRIP Xzibit, Demrick & B-Real -...: Kelela - idea 1 American Football - No Feeling Cece Natalie...

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I operate a new and refurbished furniture store in England. Incident occurred on Sunday. Child was in football gear and shorts. I only found out when an employee smelled something and then slipped on it. After reviewing security camera footage the child has had explosive diarrhoea. They entered my store at 1:45, then proceeded to walk around. Mother did not monitor her child and began checking produce. Child attempted to get moither's attention several times. She ignored them. Torrents of liquified faeces then begin visible spilling from the child's shorts all over the floor. The child panics and runs around. Mother does not take note of this. A total distance of about 60m of aisles has been soaked. Some of the floor is carpeted and about half of it ended up on carpets, the other half on our laminate. Laminate we were able to mop up. Carpet is going to need steam cleaned. We've had to close on Sunday and this morning while that gets done. When the mother noticed what had happened she just grabbed her kid and left without saying a word. Faeces-covered clothes were left lying on the entrance mat. Our next camera footage shows them returning to their car with the mum's coat wrapped around their child. Is there any way we can go after this woman for cleaning costs? We're looking to lose 1 & 1/2 days of trading. We did inform the police about what happened, including leaving faeces-covered clothes lying on our entrance mat, but officers said any losses were purely a civil matter. I really can't stress just how bad this was. We're talking furniture splattered, carpets soaked in places, other areas with a line of liquid poop just dripping. It's almost 24 hours later and the stench is still unbearable indoors. submitted by /u/EggplantMedical4031 to r/LegalAdviceUK [link] [comments]

The 24-year-old guard tends to wear his headband around his neck at the start of most games, and from now on, he reportedly will not be allowed to do so. According to Yahoo Sports, the NBA ruled that Jalen Suggs must wear his headband on his head, not as a choker, when beginning games. Earlier, when asked why he wears it that way during games, Suggs didn’t really have an explanation, saying it originates as “football drip.” “It’s funny. I don’t even know if there’s an explanation for it,” Suggs told Jason Beede, beat reporter for the Orlando Sentinel. “Really, it originates as football drip—that’s where it stems from. But I don’t know, there really isn’t much else to it. I wear it on my neck, and once I get into the game, into the flow, I put it on my head and we rock.” Jalen Suggs is averaging 15 points, 3.7 rebounds, and 4.7 assists per game this season for the Magic, helping his team rank eighth in the Eastern Conference with a 19-16 record. https://m.basketnews.com/news-238022-nba-bans-jalen-suggs-wearing-headband-on-his-neck.html submitted by /u/MembershipSingle7137 to r/nba [link] [comments]

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Kuch zyada hi common drip hogya bhai ab 😭🥀 submitted by /u/Dumbzy_ to r/TeenIndia [link] [comments]

I never considered myself a true swiftie. When debut came out, it was the only album my country loving friend and I could agree on to listen to that summer, so I know it so well. Fearless and Speak Now sort of flew past me. I was more into emo music at the time so of course I had heard the hits but she also kind of annoyed me. Red brought me back because I resonated so much with her heartbreak, I had had a few of my own. Every album since then, I’d add a good 4-5 songs to a master playlist and forget the others but when I went to see the Eras tour movie, I cried. I thought “maybe I am a swiftie?”. My playlist was over 75 songs long so clearly I like her. I found myself defending her often and pointing to her lyricism as the reason. TTPD was a dud for me. I couldn’t stand it and openly complained that she needs to edit herself. A good album is in there if she cut 70% of the tracks. Listening to it is too much work. Plus we had so many great albums around that time. SZA, Brat, Billie, Short n Sweet, Paramore, Beyonce, Gaga. No time for Taylor. And the world around us became darker, more violence, more racism and classism and intolerance. Not a peep from Taylor Swift. She purposefully released bloated variants of her albums to undercut other women in the industry. She did it to Billie. She released a UK only variant when Brat debuted. The “Bad Blood” girl squad girls girl Taylor Swift screwing over her fellow musicians. Dragging Lana on stage when she won for Midnights, embarrassing her. It was upsetting to see. Perpetually playing the victim in her songs. Every man and woman betrays her, according to her. Watching Roe get overturned and the question of gay marriage being overturned, not saying a word. She only plays ally to LGBTQ+ when it profits her. Calling a song “Lavender Haze” and it’s straight. The queerbaiting. But this “Life of a Show Girl” era is the most truth telling of them all. Complaining her life isn’t “glamorous”?! Excuse me? People are dying. Children are being murdered en masse. Poking fun at people who see their pets as children (like she used to do) because now she has grown up and wants kiddos and a basketball hoop. Punching down at people who highlight going on vacation and traveling because now she doesn’t need to jet set, she’s got Travis and wants big trad wife things. Many can’t afford children, Taylor. Having pets is the closest they will get. Defending your “canceled” friends like it’s cool. She likes them “dripped in Gucci”. How out of touch can you be? She exploits her fan base by releasing 30+ variants of the same bad album to squeeze every penny out of them she can. Sure, they could have self control and not purchase all of them but she knows many of them will and takes advantage of it. She’s greedy. She punches down. Charli wrote a song referencing her and one about Lorde. The difference how those were handled is very telling. “Sympathy is a Knife” is Charli critiquing herself. Asking herself why she feels so small and unimportant next to the superstar that is Taylor and why does she blame Taylor for it? Surely, Taylor could resonate with that feeling but instead she chooses to write a frankly, very nasty song in response. It’s not cute, it’s cringey and mean. And if “Father Figure” is about Olivia? That’s wild. Olivia’s supposed interpolations of Taylor on Sour are mostly non existent but she was bullied into giving Taylor writing credit. Then Taylor turns around and writes a knock off version of “get him back!” In “imgonnagetyouback”. It’s petty. Referencing Travis Ex in “Opalite” is also petty. “I suffer from uniqueness” no, you’re actually incredibly bland. This whole album is one cringe late 2010’s phrase after the other. It’s just bad, and “Canceled!” And “Wish List” are the two most offensive songs to her fans on the album. I just can’t make excuses for her actions anymore. She doesn’t use her platform for good, she tears down other artists, and she rips off her fans. I’m tired of it. She absolutely could do or say something about what is happening in the world. I know she fears being shot or attacked, but there are other celebrities of her caliber who take the risk. Look at Hayley Williams, Lady Gaga, Chappell Roan. But no, instead we get to see her carry around a giant rock on her hand while kids in Gaza are murdered. I’m not saying she doesn’t deserve a rock or a wedding or to be happy, she can choose what she keeps private in light of what’s going on and prioritize humanitarian work. Anyway, I’m just annoyed. I feel like I’m grieving someone who has given me songs I really do love. I can’t listen to “Marjorie” without bursting into tears thinking of my own grandmother or “tolerate it” thinking of a very similar past relationship I was in. It feels like the girl who wrote those songs is gone and now we just have greedy, corporate, out of touch with reality, mean girl Taylor left. She got the football player and she’s no longer the girl on the bleachers, she’s the cheer captain and that’s actually what she wanted this whole time. submitted by /u/cheezyblazterz to r/travisandtaylor [link] [comments]

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https://www.rotostreetjournal.com/2024/10/15/amari-cooper-traded-to-bills-drips-wr1-upside-rest-of-season/ Still diving into more in-depth analysis. But would love to know what your thoughts are surrounding Cooper to the Bills. Opportunity is golden. Stefon Diggs averaged around 160 targets and more than 1300 yards in his time there. Cooper likely commands a hefty target share and could approach 80% of those per game averages at his age? What do you think? Cleary on film, Cooper still has it and then some. That situation has been DREADFUL. submitted by /u/rotostreetjournal to r/fantasyfootball [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/ThrowRAsisterseye Originally posted to r/relationship_advice BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3 [New Update] - My, 28f, fiancee 29m, wants me to put his family before mine, even at the expense of my families health. Editor’s Note: Changed initials to names based on OOP’s latest updates for readability. And also removed some relevant comments as they have been covered in the newer updates NEW UPDATES MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: abuse, medical surgery, psychological abuse, misogyny, assault, severe head trauma RECAP Original Post: October 25, 2023 Throwaway as my work friends are on my main and they dont know this is going on. Also, obligatory that this is on mobile so spelling and grammar will be poo. This is a long one, but I'll try and keep it as short as possible. I, 28f got engaged to my partner of 7 years Rob, 29m in May. Both sides of our family were really happy about this and we had a big family meal 2 weeks after getting engaged. His brother lives 250 miles away and couldn't get here for that meal so we decided to have a meal just for his family in late June when his brother would be back for the weekend, this weekend was arranged long before we got engaged so he wasn't back just for the meal. Earlier this year my sister Kim 32f, got a serious eye infection that very quickly turned into an Ulcer, which scarred her cornea and left it at a high risk of a perforation. She needed a corneal graft, but her surgeon was away for 4 weeks so she was going to have to wait until he got back to have it. However, her eye didn't hold and it perforated the day I was supposed to be going to the family meal with Rs brother. Kim's wife was at work and had her phone turned off and our mum was away with our step dad, so when Kim called me to let me know what was happening I knew she would be at the hospital on her own. I immediately talked to my boss and he let me go early so Kim wasn't on her own. I text Rob to let him know what was going on and he text me back to send Kim his love and to remind me about the meal that night. I ignored the comment about the meal as it was the last thing on my mind. Once I got to the hospitaI, I was taken back into a room where Kim was, to be greeted by 3 doctors and 2 nurses rushing around trying to help Kim. I was then informed that she needed to have an emergency operation to have her eye glued or else she would lose it. The problem was that they didn't have a surgeon at that hospital that could do it and she needed to go to another hospital and hour and a half away. They asked if she would need transportation or if I could take her, I said I would take her. Once we got to the other hospital we were told that she would be having the operation at 5:30pm. I knew then that I wouldn't make the dinner and text Rob to let him know. He flipped out and basically told me to leave Kim at the hospital and have her wife pick her up after the op was done, at this point I still hadn't be able to get ahold of Kim's wife. I told him that wasn't going to happen and that he was out of order to even ask me to do that. I then text his mum and told her what was going on. She was really supportive and told me to stay with Kim and let her know how the op goes. A dinner can be rescheduled, Kim's health can't. I also spoke with his brother who was equally as understanding. I stayed with Kim, her operation was a sucess and I got her back home about 9pm. Her wife had ordered some Chinese and offered me some, which I happily accepted as I hadn't eaten since lunch. With that I didn't get home till about 11pm ans Rob was already asleep. Rob was very short with me for days after and we eneded up having a huge fight where he told me that I should have put his brother and family before Kim. He said he was embarrassed going to the meal without me. I responded that I was embarrassed he though I would put a meal before my sisters health. This led to another week of awkwardness between us before we finally sat down and we sorted it out, or so I thought. 8 weeks ago Kim got her graft and so far everything is going really well with it. On Saturday his brother was here so we went out for dinner with his family. His family were all asking about how Kim was doing and I showed them a picture of the stitches in her eye. I thought that everything had gone really well untill we got home and he got really angry saying that I shouldn't have brought up Kim's health issues and I shouldn't have shown them the picture. I argued that they'd asked about her and asked to see the picture. It ended with him telling me that I needed to put him and his family before Kim or else we weren't going to work. His family will come before mine once we are married so I should get used to it. I went upstairs and packed a bag. I'm now at my mums house and he's been bombarding me with text and calls since I left. I do love him, but I will never put his family above my own families health. I feel like he's expecting me to spend every holiday with his family and put their wants above my familes needs, which won't happen. I'm very close to my sister and my mum, that's not going to change. So I don't really know how to move forward or if I even want to Has anyone experience anything like this before? If so, how did you deal with it? TLDR; My fiancee got mad that I missed a dinner with his family because my sister needed emergency surgery and I was the only one available to take her. He is now insisting that I put his family before my own. I dont know how to move forward with him. Edit; For some reason it won't let me do a full Update post even on my own page so I'm just going to add it to here. Thank you so much for everyone that commented, I replied to as many as I could but I read all of them. Warning, this is going to be longer than the original post, alot has happened. Tldr; For thoes that just want a quick update, I left him and he's out of my house. His mum is seriously pissed at him and his brother has gone no contact with him for the foreseeable future. For thoes that want a longer version. Once I'd decided to end things with him, I knew that the main issue would be getting him out of my house. I own the house outright, my grandma died 5 years ago and left her house to my mum, who sold it and split the money between me and my sister. I then bought my house with that money about a year after she died. I got intouch with my stepdads friend, who is a landlord the day after I wrote my original post, who then put me intouch with his solicitor. He didn't have time to see me in person that day, but we did have a phone call where he gave me my options. In the UK we have something called a section 8 notice. This is a 14 day eviction notice and the solicitor said this would be the quickest way to get him out, however he could try and contest it if he wanted too which would lead to court dates and could take months. I asked him to draw up the notice and date it for Friday, the next day. I'd already made the decision to end things with him after work on Friday, so that he could have the weekend to sort through his emotions before work on Monday. On Friday morning I text Rob and asked him to meet with me at our local pub after work. He quickly agreed. Not only is the pub a public space, but my stepdad and a few of his work friends go in there every Friday after work for a few pints so I knew he would be there to step in if I needed him. Thank you for suggesting this redditors. I also picked up the eviction notice on my lunch break so I was ready to give it to him. Cost £250 but was worth it. When I got to the pub, Rob was already there and my stepdad was stood at the bar with his work mates. I sat down with Rob and got straight to the point. I told him that it was over, I couldn't be with someone who didn't give me any support when I was going through one of the scariest moments of my life and expected me to drop my family for his. It didn't matter what excuses he could come up with, I wasn't interested, I'd made up my mind and we were done. He stared at me in shock for what felt like and hour, but was probably only a minute or so. He then started saying I couldn't be serious, we'd been together for 7 years and I was throwing it all away, I could never find another guy like him. I responded to the last comment with, I dont want a guy like you that's why I'm ending it. I need someone who's will support me when times get tough, not get annoyed that the world isn't bowing down to what he wants. I then handed him an envelope with the eviction notice in and my engagement ring. I told him I was giving him a few weeks to find a place and be out of my house. Then I stood up and walked over to my stepdad, who had bought me a much needed drink and stayed with him until my ex left still looking in shock. I knew he wouldn't approach me whilst I was with my stepdad as he has always been a little scared of him. This is obviously a very condensed version of what happened. Once I got back to my mum's house, I had a 1 single text from him saying he wasn't moving out and was going to contest the eviction until I'd come to my senses and got back with him. WE ARE NOT OVER, was how he ended the text. I just turned my phone off and decided to deal with the legal side of things on Monday, there was nothing else I could do. Saturday morning I woke up and turned my phone back on and had another text from him saying that he would move out if I paid him £10,000 as that's what he'd paid towards bills whilst he had lived at the house. He paid for half the electric, gas, WiFi and Sky package. Note, the sky package is only as expensive as it is because he has to have every sports channel known to man, so his half literally just paid for the sports channel's. I'd already asked the solicitor about this though and he'd assured me that I didn't owe him any money as he hadn't contributed to a mortgage or any renovations of the house, it was just general expenses. He also knew that I dont have £10,000 just lying around. Lets say I was irritated by this and decided to ring his mum to see if she could talk some sense into him. I'll call his mum Sandra to make it easier. She was appalled by what I told her and said she would speak to him. She called me back about an hour later and asked me to meet her at the house. Rob was on an away day to watch his football team play and wouldn't be back till about 10pm so I knew he wasn't there. I met her at the house with Kim, and Sandra said that Rob's brother was on his way back home and they would have Rob out by the following afternoon. She hadn't even spoken to Rob, just his brother, but she promised he would be out. Sandra then asked me to walked her through the house showing her exactly what was his and what wasnt so he didn't take anything that didnt belong to him. The next morning I got a text from Rob calling me all the names under the sun for getting his mum and brother involved. I blocked him and a couple of hours later Sandra text me to let me know he was out and staying with her. I thanked her and she told me that she would like to stay in contact and I happily agreed to this. I went back to my house after work on Monday, changed the alarm code and my stepdad changed all the locks for me. My stepdad is also arranging for a friend of his to install cameras around the outside of the house, this will be done over the weekend. Sandra rang me on Tuesday asking if we could meet up as she had some things she wanted me to know. So we met for lunch that day. It was at this time that she told me her ex was a controlling ahole who was incredibly selfish and the selfishness was what she had seen in Rob for so long. Thats why she had commented on him being like his father, but she had hoped that was the extent of Rob's attitude and he hadnt picked up his dad's controlling behaviour, which to be fair, he hadnt up until this whole episode. She had left Rob's dad after he had punched Rob's brother in the face when he was 14 and Rob was 10. He had never layed a hand on her or their sons before, but one time was enough and she left with the boys. To her knowledge her ex had never reached out to speak to Rob or his brother and they hadn't spoken to their father in years. I didn't know any of this, all I had been told was that their dad wasnt in the picture and hadn't been for a long time, but Sandra had thought I knew and that's why she hadn't told me before. However she had found out on Sunday night that Rob was back in contact with his father and had been for the past year. His dad had been putting lots of thoughts into Rob's head about how he is the man of the house and his family is all that matters. This had fed into Rob's selfish tendencies and had amplified them ten fold. Sandra said that she had told him to find somewhere else to stay asap as she couldn't even look him in the face. Then Rob and his brother had a huge argument that ended with his brother telling him that as long as Rob is intouch with their dad, then he will have zero contact with him. Even going so far as to tell him to spend Christmas with their dad because Sandra is going to his house and Rob isn't welcome. When Sandra took Rob's brothers side in all this, Rob flew into a rage and said he would move in with his dad. He then left the house, but came back a couple of hours later looking like hed been crying. Turns out, that his dad doesnt want him living with him and basically said he could be on the streets for all he cares, he's not putting a roof over a grown man's head. Sandra thinks that Rob is now starting to realise everything he has lost due to him listening to his dad and has seen his dad's true colours. Sandra is incredibly disappointed in him, but he's her son so she is trying to be there for him as best as she can, however she still wants him out as she doesn't trust him anymore. His brother still won't have anything to do with him. She has also told him to stay the hell away from me as I don't need to be brought into this and he has promised her that he will. Only time will tell if that's true, but I do have him blocked on everything and if he turns upto the house I will just call the police to get rid of him. The more Sandra told me about what had been going ok behind my back, the more resolute I have become about wanting nothing to do with him. I never want to see him again, if I can help it. So all in all Rob's life is a shit show, but as long as he stays away from me then I don't care. I've been spending alot of time with my sister and her wife as well and my mum and stepdad which has been great. I've never really been close to my stepdad, but this has brought us alot closer together which has been one huge positive out of all this. I'm not exactly happy right now, but I'll get there. There's still alot of feelings that I need to unpackand it will take time to move on from this whole situation. I dont think I will be dating for a while, I need to really get over all this and don't want to dump this on anyone else right now. For all thoes asking how Kim is doing, she's doing great. Had a hospital appointment on Monday and her consultant said her eye is healing, in his words, marvelously, so that's a relief. Thank you to everyone that reached out to me. I hope there won't be any need to update this again, so this should be my final update.   For telling my ex that it's not my fault that he's homeless.: November 26, 2023 So I 28f posted on relationship advice before about my now ex 29m. The post and update is in my profile, but basically my ex fiance wanted me to put his family before mine even at the cost of my sisters health. I ended up breaking up with him over it and he was forced to move in with his mum, who then found out that he had been intouch with his abusive dad who was twisting his view on how a relationship should work. Last I heard was that his mum was kicking him out as she would not have anyone in her house that was in contact with her ex and that he had tried to go live with his dad, but his dad had refused. I was completely NC with him, so his mum was the one that had told me this. I'll call my ex Rob and exs mum Sandra to make things easier. I hadn't heard from Rob in weeks, but yesterday he showed up at my house. I had the chain on my door so opened it with that still attached, no way would I let him in. He basically told me that he had no where to live. His mum isn't speaking to him and his dad won't put a roof over a grown man's head, his words not mine. He asked if I would take him back or at least let him live with me. No way in hell would I get back with him and getting him out the first time only went easy because his mum stepped in to help. He had threatened to take me to court knowing that if he did it could take months to get him out and then said he would only move if I gave him £10,000. I contacted his mum, who was furious about that and she turned up with his brother and forced him out. I told him that there was zero possibility of him ever living with me again and that we were 100% over. He started shouting at me and calling me all sorts of names, so I threatened to call the police if he didn't leave and shut the door. I have cameras all over my house so I caught everything he did and said on camera and have saved it to a USB just incase. He then went crying to all our mutual friends and it managed to get back to his mum. She called me and asked what happened, I told her and she then informed me that she had put her house up for sale and was moving 300 miles away to be nearer her other son. Her and Rob had a huge argument about this and she finally kicked him out. Since then he's been couch surfing, but with Christmas coming up, his friends aren't really happy with having him on their couches when they have kids and are meant to be enjoying the festive season. He's been kicked out of 3 friends houses in 10 days. She told me I was right to refuse him, but I've since had other friends say that they feel sorry for them, and that I can just let him stay in my spare room until he's back on his feet. I then asked them to put him up, but they said they would but don't have room and if they had a spare room like me then they would let him stay. My family and his are on my side, but I'm starting to doubt myself with what a couple of my friends have said. So Reddit, AITA? EDIT; Just a quick edit as I'm going to bed. I've just spoken with the wife of one of Rob's friends and she's asked to meet me on my lunch break tomorrow. Apparently, Rob stayed with them for 2 nights before she kicked him out and there's more going on than what I know of. She's going to tell me the full story tomorrow, but told me that I shouldn't let him anywhere near me and that he's staying in a b&b so he does at least have a roof over his head right now. I'll try and update after I've spoken to her.   Update: November 27, 2023 So I posted yesterday about my ex turning up at my house wanting for me to let him move back in with me. I said no, but a couple of friends thought I should let him and that messed with my head. Rob is my ex. A few people told me to change my lock etc. I did that and changed my alarm code as well as my step dad got his friend to put up 4 cameras around my house. I'm also going to start shutting the gate so that no one can walk upto the house without ringing the bell there first. I put in an Edit that I was going to me meeting with one of Rob’s friends wives, for lunch today and I have to say that it was informative for sure. I'll call her Nat, 30f and her husband Zack, 29m. So I went to meet her on my lunch break at a cafe near my work. It's a place that alot of my coworkers go to and I know the staff there as well. A few redditors thought that she might bring Rob with her so I wanted it to be somewhere I feel comfortable and have back up if needed. Turns out that I didn't need to bother about that. When I got to the Cafe Nat was there on her own. I grabbed some lunch and a drink and sat with her. We went throught the usual small talk before she started telling me what had been going on. Rob rang Zack on Thursday morning saying he had no where to go and could he stay with them for a few days. Zack spoke to Nat and they agree he could stay in their guest room. Rob went to their house after work and they had a long talk where Rob told them he has a flat lined up, but can't move in till January. Zack and Nat agreed to let him live with them untill January as long as he followed some basic rules and paid for his own food. The rules were things like, no bringing women back there and if he went out drinking he had to be quiet when he got back so he didn't wake their daughter who's 6. He agreed to all this and paid for a Chinese for them all that night. The next day after work Rob went to meet his dad in the pub for a few pints. When Zack and Nat went to bed Rob still wasn't home. They were woken up at about 2 in the morning by Rob arguing with a woman. Apparently, Rob had met this woman in a bar, took her back to Zack and Nat house, got his pleasure and then told her to get dressed and fuck off once he was done. She had gotten angry, which started an argument where Rob was saying some horrific shit to her. Nat took the woman down stairs and got her a taxi, whilst Zack stayed upstairs arguing with Rob. Once Nat had got rid of the woman she went back upstairs and tried to calm Zack and Rob down. At this point Rob decided to take out his frustrations on Nat, calling her a bitch and telling her to do something useful and make him a sandwich before bursting out laughing like he'd made he funniest joke ever. This made Zack lost it and pinned Rob to the wall by his throat. Side note, Rob isn't a fighter at all where as Zack was a amateur boxer in his youth and can handle himself well. Nat managed to get Zack to let him go and Rob was shoved in the guest room and told to sleep off he alcohol. Its a miracle that Nat’s daughter didn't wake up during this. The next morning Nat got their daughter ready and went to her mums after telling Zack to get Rob out of their house. Zack agreed and after Nat left he woke Rob up and told him to pack his shit and leave. Rob tried to apologise and begged to stay but Zack was having none of it and kicked him out. Going off the timing, I think he left there and came straight to my house. On Sunday Zack text Rob to meet up so that they could speak and they met up in a pub. Zack has been friends with Rob since they were 11 and has never seen him act like he has been doing so he wanted to find out what was really going on. He managed to finally get the truth out of Rob. Basically, Rob has been in contact with his dad for a lot longer than he told us, by this point its over 2 years. His dad is a raging misogynist that believes a woman's place is in the kitchen and bedroom. A man's place is to rule the house and be waited on hand a foot as well as deciding who can ans can't be in their lives. He's been dripping this poison into Rs ear and it's really taken a hold of him. Zack told Nat that he just doesn't recognise Rob anymore. Rob wants to start living his life the way his father has told him he should. When Zack pointed out that Rob’s dad is 62, living in a shitty one bedroom flat, not had a real relationship since Rs mum left him, has no friends, his family doesn't speak to him and that he's the type of guy that when he walks into a pub people finish their pints so they can leave and get away from him, Rob was furious. He told Zack that his dad is just misunderstood. Zack responded that people understood his dad and that's why they stayed away from him, he's Toxic. This pretty much ended their conversation and Rob left. Zack did find out that Rob does have a flat lined up for January, so that was true and that he's found a b&b he can stay in till the flat is ready at a minimal cost. Zack and Nat have also decided to go NC with Rob as they don't need that toxicity around them, but especially not around their daughter. A few redditors had said it sounded like Rob was on drugs, so I asked Nat what she thought and she doesn't think so but can't be sure. She and Zack think that Rob is just so far under his dad's thumb now that he's completely changed as a person. He believes that everything his dad says is gospel. She did let me know that Rob has a burner IG account that he is using to check on my IG and I immediately made my account private. He had said something about seeing me waist money on a stupid amount of Christmas presents when I couldn't even help him out to Zack on Sunday. I'd been to a Christmas Market on Saturday afternoon and had posted pics on IG. All of this just made my resolve stronger that he will not be getting anywhere near my house again. It also made me realise that I dont have any feeling for him any more other than frustration at how he's acting and some sadness at how far he's fallen from the man I once knew. I thought that hearing he had another woman in his bed would annoy me, but there was just nothing, I couldn't have cared less. I thanked Nat for the info and we agreed to keep intouch. We won't be as close as we were when I was with Rob but it feels good to have someone who knows the entire situation and has seen Rob’s behaviour with his own eyes. There were also some redditors that told me to ditch the friends that had told me to let him stay with me. Unfortunately, I can't ditch them completely as they're part of the friend group and that would just cause unnecessary drama, but I will be keeping my distance from them and only talking to them when part of the group. I'm currently at my sisters and we are going to watch a Christmas film to get us in the mood to decorate all our house's this weekend, so I will be on and off for the next few hours if anyone has any questions. Thanks for the votes and giving me some perspective. Reddit isn't all bad.   For anyone that's still around: December 19, 2023 Still have people reaching out to see if I'm OK. A few hated me just using initials so R is Rob. I really hoped that I wouldn't have to update again, but I've just had a call from one of Robs friends and it looks like he's going to be spending Christmas in prison. Apparently, he went out on Saturday night with his dad and they got into an argument which turned physical. Rob isn't a fighter however he is bigger and stronger than his dad and it ended with his dad falling backwards and hitting his head off a wall knocking him unconscious. The staff in the pub called the police and an ambulance, but Rob left before they got there. Rob's dad had to go to hospital, where he still is. I'm unsure off his exact injuries, but they're not life threatening. He must also be awake as he is pressing charges against Rob, however they won't keep him in unless absolutely essential at this time of year. Rob was arrested on Sunday morning at the B&B he's been staying at and had to appear in Magistrates Court on Monday. Due to him not having a fixed address right now and the fact that his dad is still in hospital he has been remanded on a section 18 with intent. Unless he can find permanent address to go to then he won't be getting out untill his trial at Crown Court. I know his mum is already at his brothers over 250 miles away so I don't think she will be able to help right now. Finding this out has actually given me a sense of peace right now. I've been trying to ignore it, but the chance of him turning up and spoling Christmas has been at the back of my mind ever since he turned up at my house. I'm hoping he stays in over Christmas so that I can just relax. OOP on Section 18 in her area OOP: Section 18 is an assault charge, a section 18 with intent is the next level up and is classed as intending to and causing grievous bodily harm to someone. I've been told that if found guilty, then it's usually a multiple year prison sentence. Another mini update: December 23, 2023 I went round to N and Z, here by known as Nat and Zack, to drop off a present for their daughter, a bottle of Bells for Zack and a bottle of Prosecco for Nat for Christmas and had a cup of tea with them whilst they filled me in on what's going on. Rob will be in over Christmas, but will likely get out early January. His lawyer is trying to get the charges reduced from section 18 with intent to a section 20. I only found out today that a Section 18 with intent is one step down from attempted murder and you're looking at double digits in prison if you get found guilty. Section 20 is a lot less severe and is usually a 2 year suspended sentence for first-time offenders, which he is. His lawyer has said that if he pleads guilty to the section 20 then CPS will lower the charges to get this one over and done with asap as the courts are ridiculously backed up in the UK right now and prisons are full. Zack went to the B&B he was staying at and got Robs stuff which is now sat in his garage as one last favour to Rob, Zacks words. He can't get in touch with me without my consent whilst he is locked away. The prison literally has to ring me and ask if it is ok that I get put on his approved call list and only then is he allowed to ring me, which won't be happening. I've also spoken to his mum, who has basically washed her hand of him for the time being. She thinks that he needs to learn his lesson and maybe spending Christmas in a cell will teach him how much he's lost the plot. She has spoken to him and said that he's now saying the right things, but only time will tell if he means them. He is talking about moving to be near his brother to get away from their dad so maybe he has seen the light. His brother has refused to go onto his call list, so Rob can't contact him, so I don't know how that will work. As for his dad, he is still in hospital with a broken hip and has had to have surgery to fix it. The broken bone and head injury is why the charges are so high right now. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, knowing he can't ruin my Christmas. I'm just about to pack everything into the car and go and stay at my mums untill January 2nd, but thought I'd finish the year off letting everyone who's helped me and supported me through this know whats going on. Merry Christmas to everyone that celebrates it and hope everyone is doing well.   Final Update: April 13, 2024 Hi all, Sorry its been a while since my last update, but i wanted everything to be finished before I updated again. Rob spent Christmas on remand in prison. He didn't get out until the second week of January and that was only because his mum agreed to let him stay with her again. He had his plea hearing the first week of February, where he pleaded guilty to a section 20 assault. He then had to wait until last week to get his sentencing court date. I didn't know how much actually goes into sentencing. They had to get a victim impact statement, a pre sentencing report from probation, statements from his mum and brother. His barrister even reached out to me to give a statement saying that we had broken up and I'd asked him to leave the house. He used our break up as an extenuating circumstance, saying that because of the break up of our relationship and him losing his home, that had seriously impacted him mental health. The statements from his mum and brother also confirmed that he had lived in an abusive home when he was young, so he claimed he had ptsd because of that. These were all read out at his sentencing. He was going to get 3 years, but the judge knocked time off for pleading guilty and for mitigating circumstances. That left him with a 16 month sentence that was suspended for 18 months. As part of the conditions for his release, he isn't allowed anywhere near his dad, he has to go to counselling for his supposed ptsd and he isn't allowed to drink alcohol. He even has an ankle monitor on that tests his sweat every half an hour for alcohol and will alert probation if he gets a positive result. Luckily for him his boss has let him go and work at their main location in the city thats half an hour away from here and probation were happy for him to live there as well. He moved into a flat there this week, so I don't have to worry about running into him. I haven't spoken to him at all and I dont want too. He has tried reaching out through a coupke of friends, but they've respected my decision and told him to move on with his life. However, I did speak to his mum yesterday and she said that she thinks he's depressed, but so far he's doing OK. She's the one I got all of this information from. Its a strange mix of emotion for me towards him as I still care on some level, just not enough to keep him in my life. I know I need to keep him away from me as I can never see him like I did at this time last year. Its crazy to think that its only been a year since we got engaged. So much has happened. Other than thoes mixed emotions, I'm doing well. I've been hanging out with my sister and her wife alot more as well as catching up with friends. I'm still working at the same place and I don't see that changing anytime soon. For the people asking about my sister, she's doing good. She had a set back last month but she seems to be over that now and has just been approved to have some form of newish stem cell treatment at the UKs biggest eye hospital. Which is fab news. She tried to explain it to me but it involves them taking her blood and putting it into her eye which grossed me out so l told her to stop. However, because she's my sister she then sent me pictures of what they do and mum had to step in and tell her to stop. No matter how old we get, I dont think we will ever stop trying to annoy each other. So all in all, I think we're all moving on with life. Unless there's something big happen then this should be my last post. I really want to thank everyone for their kind words and support. This has restored my faith that there are still good people out there.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Rumours: June 30, 2024 (2 months later) Hi all, I really hoped I wouldn't have to come back, but I've had several DMs on this account saying that a Tiktok video is claiming that I'm back with my ex. I dont have Tiktok so I haven't seen it, but that's 100% not true. I haven't seen or spoken to him since my last update. As far as I'm aware he's still living in the city half an hour away and is doing OK. I'm not really interested to be honest. Robs mum has accepted an offer on her house and has moved in with his brother untill she can finalise the purchase of her house and find a flat she likes. Everyone else is doing well, my sister the same and her eye is still healing. She's got some new glasses and says her vison is now nearly back to normal so that's good. My sister and seven other family and friends went out to Germany for Englands first game which was alot of fun. Other than that, I've just been woking and finding my new normal. Please don't listen to anything said about this on Tiktok, YouTube or anywhere else. I will not be getting back with Rob, thay ship has sailed off the edge of a cliff. Relevant Comments Has Rob reached out to OOP? OOP: He was informed that I didn't want to speak to him and wanted to be left alone and he's respected that, thankfully. I just want us both to move on now.   Latest Update here: BoRU #5   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/Routine_Specialist13 to r/reddevils [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/ThrowRAsisterseye Originally posted to r/relationship_advice Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2 [New Update] - My, 28f, fiancee 29m, wants me to put his family before mine, even at the expense of my families health. Editor’s Note: Changed initials to names based on OOP’s latest updates for readability. And also removed some relevant comments as they have been covered in the newer updates NEW UPDATES MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: medical surgery, controlling behavior, attempted extortion, verbal abuse, possible stalking mentions physical abuse of a child, misogyny, emotional abuse and manipulation, assault, severe head trauma RECAP Original Post - October 25, 2023 Throwaway as my work friends are on my main and they dont know this is going on. Also, obligatory that this is on mobile so spelling and grammar will be poo. This is a long one, but I'll try and keep it as short as possible. I, 28f got engaged to my partner of 7 years Rob, 29m in May. Both sides of our family were really happy about this and we had a big family meal 2 weeks after getting engaged. His brother lives 250 miles away and couldn't get here for that meal so we decided to have a meal just for his family in late June when his brother would be back for the weekend, this weekend was arranged long before we got engaged so he wasn't back just for the meal. Earlier this year my sister Kim 32f, got a serious eye infection that very quickly turned into an Ulcer, which scarred her cornea and left it at a high risk of a perforation. She needed a corneal graft, but her surgeon was away for 4 weeks so she was going to have to wait until he got back to have it. However, her eye didn't hold and it perforated the day I was supposed to be going to the family meal with Rs brother. Kim's wife was at work and had her phone turned off and our mum was away with our step dad, so when Kim called me to let me know what was happening I knew she would be at the hospital on her own. I immediately talked to my boss and he let me go early so Kim wasn't on her own. I text Rob to let him know what was going on and he text me back to send Kim his love and to remind me about the meal that night. I ignored the comment about the meal as it was the last thing on my mind. Once I got to the hospitaI, I was taken back into a room where Kim was, to be greeted by 3 doctors and 2 nurses rushing around trying to help Kim. I was then informed that she needed to have an emergency operation to have her eye glued or else she would lose it. The problem was that they didn't have a surgeon at that hospital that could do it and she needed to go to another hospital and hour and a half away. They asked if she would need transportation or if I could take her, I said I would take her. Once we got to the other hospital we were told that she would be having the operation at 5:30pm. I knew then that I wouldn't make the dinner and text Rob to let him know. He flipped out and basically told me to leave Kim at the hospital and have her wife pick her up after the op was done, at this point I still hadn't be able to get ahold of Kim's wife. I told him that wasn't going to happen and that he was out of order to even ask me to do that. I then text his mum and told her what was going on. She was really supportive and told me to stay with Kim and let her know how the op goes. A dinner can be rescheduled, Kim's health can't. I also spoke with his brother who was equally as understanding. I stayed with Kim, her operation was a sucess and I got her back home about 9pm. Her wife had ordered some Chinese and offered me some, which I happily accepted as I hadn't eaten since lunch. With that I didn't get home till about 11pm ans Rob was already asleep. Rob was very short with me for days after and we eneded up having a huge fight where he told me that I should have put his brother and family before Kim. He said he was embarrassed going to the meal without me. I responded that I was embarrassed he though I would put a meal before my sisters health. This led to another week of awkwardness between us before we finally sat down and we sorted it out, or so I thought. 8 weeks ago Kim got her graft and so far everything is going really well with it. On Saturday his brother was here so we went out for dinner with his family. His family were all asking about how Kim was doing and I showed them a picture of the stitches in her eye. I thought that everything had gone really well untill we got home and he got really angry saying that I shouldn't have brought up Kim's health issues and I shouldn't have shown them the picture. I argued that they'd asked about her and asked to see the picture. It ended with him telling me that I needed to put him and his family before Kim or else we weren't going to work. His family will come before mine once we are married so I should get used to it. I went upstairs and packed a bag. I'm now at my mums house and he's been bombarding me with text and calls since I left. I do love him, but I will never put his family above my own families health. I feel like he's expecting me to spend every holiday with his family and put their wants above my familes needs, which won't happen. I'm very close to my sister and my mum, that's not going to change. So I don't really know how to move forward or if I even want to Has anyone experience anything like this before? If so, how did you deal with it? TLDR; My fiancee got mad that I missed a dinner with his family because my sister needed emergency surgery and I was the only one available to take her. He is now insisting that I put his family before my own. I dont know how to move forward with him. Edit; For some reason it won't let me do a full Update post even on my own page so I'm just going to add it to here. Thank you so much for everyone that commented, I replied to as many as I could but I read all of them. Warning, this is going to be longer than the original post, alot has happened. Tldr; For thoes that just want a quick update, I left him and he's out of my house. His mum is seriously pissed at him and his brother has gone no contact with him for the foreseeable future. For thoes that want a longer version. Once I'd decided to end things with him, I knew that the main issue would be getting him out of my house. I own the house outright, my grandma died 5 years ago and left her house to my mum, who sold it and split the money between me and my sister. I then bought my house with that money about a year after she died. I got intouch with my stepdads friend, who is a landlord the day after I wrote my original post, who then put me intouch with his solicitor. He didn't have time to see me in person that day, but we did have a phone call where he gave me my options. In the UK we have something called a section 8 notice. This is a 14 day eviction notice and the solicitor said this would be the quickest way to get him out, however he could try and contest it if he wanted too which would lead to court dates and could take months. I asked him to draw up the notice and date it for Friday, the next day. I'd already made the decision to end things with him after work on Friday, so that he could have the weekend to sort through his emotions before work on Monday. On Friday morning I text Rob and asked him to meet with me at our local pub after work. He quickly agreed. Not only is the pub a public space, but my stepdad and a few of his work friends go in there every Friday after work for a few pints so I knew he would be there to step in if I needed him. Thank you for suggesting this redditors. I also picked up the eviction notice on my lunch break so I was ready to give it to him. Cost £250 but was worth it. When I got to the pub, Rob was already there and my stepdad was stood at the bar with his work mates. I sat down with Rob and got straight to the point. I told him that it was over, I couldn't be with someone who didn't give me any support when I was going through one of the scariest moments of my life and expected me to drop my family for his. It didn't matter what excuses he could come up with, I wasn't interested, I'd made up my mind and we were done. He stared at me in shock for what felt like and hour, but was probably only a minute or so. He then started saying I couldn't be serious, we'd been together for 7 years and I was throwing it all away, I could never find another guy like him. I responded to the last comment with, I dont want a guy like you that's why I'm ending it. I need someone who's will support me when times get tough, not get annoyed that the world isn't bowing down to what he wants. I then handed him an envelope with the eviction notice in and my engagement ring. I told him I was giving him a few weeks to find a place and be out of my house. Then I stood up and walked over to my stepdad, who had bought me a much needed drink and stayed with him until my ex left still looking in shock. I knew he wouldn't approach me whilst I was with my stepdad as he has always been a little scared of him. This is obviously a very condensed version of what happened. Once I got back to my mum's house, I had a 1 single text from him saying he wasn't moving out and was going to contest the eviction until I'd come to my senses and got back with him. WE ARE NOT OVER, was how he ended the text. I just turned my phone off and decided to deal with the legal side of things on Monday, there was nothing else I could do. Saturday morning I woke up and turned my phone back on and had another text from him saying that he would move out if I paid him £10,000 as that's what he'd paid towards bills whilst he had lived at the house. He paid for half the electric, gas, WiFi and Sky package. Note, the sky package is only as expensive as it is because he has to have every sports channel known to man, so his half literally just paid for the sports channel's. I'd already asked the solicitor about this though and he'd assured me that I didn't owe him any money as he hadn't contributed to a mortgage or any renovations of the house, it was just general expenses. He also knew that I dont have £10,000 just lying around. Lets say I was irritated by this and decided to ring his mum to see if she could talk some sense into him. I'll call his mum Sandra to make it easier. She was appalled by what I told her and said she would speak to him. She called me back about an hour later and asked me to meet her at the house. Rob was on an away day to watch his football team play and wouldn't be back till about 10pm so I knew he wasn't there. I met her at the house with Kim, and Sandra said that Rob's brother was on his way back home and they would have Rob out by the following afternoon. She hadn't even spoken to Rob, just his brother, but she promised he would be out. Sandra then asked me to walked her through the house showing her exactly what was his and what wasnt so he didn't take anything that didnt belong to him. The next morning I got a text from Rob calling me all the names under the sun for getting his mum and brother involved. I blocked him and a couple of hours later Sandra text me to let me know he was out and staying with her. I thanked her and she told me that she would like to stay in contact and I happily agreed to this. I went back to my house after work on Monday, changed the alarm code and my stepdad changed all the locks for me. My stepdad is also arranging for a friend of his to install cameras around the outside of the house, this will be done over the weekend. Sandra rang me on Tuesday asking if we could meet up as she had some things she wanted me to know. So we met for lunch that day. It was at this time that she told me her ex was a controlling ahole who was incredibly selfish and the selfishness was what she had seen in Rob for so long. Thats why she had commented on him being like his father, but she had hoped that was the extent of Rob's attitude and he hadnt picked up his dad's controlling behaviour, which to be fair, he hadnt up until this whole episode. She had left Rob's dad after he had punched Rob's brother in the face when he was 14 and Rob was 10. He had never layed a hand on her or their sons before, but one time was enough and she left with the boys. To her knowledge her ex had never reached out to speak to Rob or his brother and they hadn't spoken to their father in years. I didn't know any of this, all I had been told was that their dad wasnt in the picture and hadn't been for a long time, but Sandra had thought I knew and that's why she hadn't told me before. However she had found out on Sunday night that Rob was back in contact with his father and had been for the past year. His dad had been putting lots of thoughts into Rob's head about how he is the man of the house and his family is all that matters. This had fed into Rob's selfish tendencies and had amplified them ten fold. Sandra said that she had told him to find somewhere else to stay asap as she couldn't even look him in the face. Then Rob and his brother had a huge argument that ended with his brother telling him that as long as Rob is intouch with their dad, then he will have zero contact with him. Even going so far as to tell him to spend Christmas with their dad because Sandra is going to his house and Rob isn't welcome. When Sandra took Rob's brothers side in all this, Rob flew into a rage and said he would move in with his dad. He then left the house, but came back a couple of hours later looking like hed been crying. Turns out, that his dad doesnt want him living with him and basically said he could be on the streets for all he cares, he's not putting a roof over a grown man's head. Sandra thinks that Rob is now starting to realise everything he has lost due to him listening to his dad and has seen his dad's true colours. Sandra is incredibly disappointed in him, but he's her son so she is trying to be there for him as best as she can, however she still wants him out as she doesn't trust him anymore. His brother still won't have anything to do with him. She has also told him to stay the hell away from me as I don't need to be brought into this and he has promised her that he will. Only time will tell if that's true, but I do have him blocked on everything and if he turns upto the house I will just call the police to get rid of him. The more Sandra told me about what had been going ok behind my back, the more resolute I have become about wanting nothing to do with him. I never want to see him again, if I can help it. So all in all Rob's life is a shit show, but as long as he stays away from me then I don't care. I've been spending alot of time with my sister and her wife as well and my mum and stepdad which has been great. I've never really been close to my stepdad, but this has brought us alot closer together which has been one huge positive out of all this. I'm not exactly happy right now, but I'll get there. There's still alot of feelings that I need to unpackand it will take time to move on from this whole situation. I dont think I will be dating for a while, I need to really get over all this and don't want to dump this on anyone else right now. For all thoes asking how Kim is doing, she's doing great. Had a hospital appointment on Monday and her consultant said her eye is healing, in his words, marvelously, so that's a relief. Thank you to everyone that reached out to me. I hope there won't be any need to update this again, so this should be my final update.   For telling my ex that it's not my fault that he's homeless. - November 26, 2023 So I 28f posted on relationship advice before about my now ex 29m. The post and update is in my profile, but basically my ex fiance wanted me to put his family before mine even at the cost of my sisters health. I ended up breaking up with him over it and he was forced to move in with his mum, who then found out that he had been intouch with his abusive dad who was twisting his view on how a relationship should work. Last I heard was that his mum was kicking him out as she would not have anyone in her house that was in contact with her ex and that he had tried to go live with his dad, but his dad had refused. I was completely NC with him, so his mum was the one that had told me this. I'll call my ex Rob and exs mum Sandra to make things easier. I hadn't heard from Rob in weeks, but yesterday he showed up at my house. I had the chain on my door so opened it with that still attached, no way would I let him in. He basically told me that he had no where to live. His mum isn't speaking to him and his dad won't put a roof over a grown man's head, his words not mine. He asked if I would take him back or at least let him live with me. No way in hell would I get back with him and getting him out the first time only went easy because his mum stepped in to help. He had threatened to take me to court knowing that if he did it could take months to get him out and then said he would only move if I gave him £10,000. I contacted his mum, who was furious about that and she turned up with his brother and forced him out. I told him that there was zero possibility of him ever living with me again and that we were 100% over. He started shouting at me and calling me all sorts of names, so I threatened to call the police if he didn't leave and shut the door. I have cameras all over my house so I caught everything he did and said on camera and have saved it to a USB just incase. He then went crying to all our mutual friends and it managed to get back to his mum. She called me and asked what happened, I told her and she then informed me that she had put her house up for sale and was moving 300 miles away to be nearer her other son. Her and Rob had a huge argument about this and she finally kicked him out. Since then he's been couch surfing, but with Christmas coming up, his friends aren't really happy with having him on their couches when they have kids and are meant to be enjoying the festive season. He's been kicked out of 3 friends houses in 10 days. She told me I was right to refuse him, but I've since had other friends say that they feel sorry for them, and that I can just let him stay in my spare room until he's back on his feet. I then asked them to put him up, but they said they would but don't have room and if they had a spare room like me then they would let him stay. My family and his are on my side, but I'm starting to doubt myself with what a couple of my friends have said. So Reddit, AITA? EDIT; Just a quick edit as I'm going to bed. I've just spoken with the wife of one of Rob's friends and she's asked to meet me on my lunch break tomorrow. Apparently, Rob stayed with them for 2 nights before she kicked him out and there's more going on than what I know of. She's going to tell me the full story tomorrow, but told me that I shouldn't let him anywhere near me and that he's staying in a b&b so he does at least have a roof over his head right now. I'll try and update after I've spoken to her. Relevant Comments Chemical-Scarcity964: NTA. You are lucky you got out when you did. File for a restraining order (not sure if it's called the same in the UK) as soon as possible. OP: Restraining orders here are ridiculously hard to get. There usually has to be violence involved for one to be issued. I am going to make sure I log everything from now on though.   Update - November 27, 2023 So I posted yesterday about my ex turning up at my house wanting for me to let him move back in with me. I said no, but a couple of friends thought I should let him and that messed with my head. Rob is my ex. A few people told me to change my lock etc. I did that and changed my alarm code as well as my step dad got his friend to put up 4 cameras around my house. I'm also going to start shutting the gate so that no one can walk upto the house without ringing the bell there first. I put in an Edit that I was going to me meeting with one of Rob’s friends wives, for lunch today and I have to say that it was informative for sure. I'll call her Nat, 30f and her husband Zack, 29m. So I went to meet her on my lunch break at a cafe near my work. It's a place that alot of my coworkers go to and I know the staff there as well. A few redditors thought that she might bring Rob with her so I wanted it to be somewhere I feel comfortable and have back up if needed. Turns out that I didn't need to bother about that. When I got to the Cafe Nat was there on her own. I grabbed some lunch and a drink and sat with her. We went throught the usual small talk before she started telling me what had been going on. Rob rang Zack on Thursday morning saying he had no where to go and could he stay with them for a few days. Zack spoke to Nat and they agree he could stay in their guest room. Rob went to their house after work and they had a long talk where Rob told them he has a flat lined up, but can't move in till January. Zack and Nat agreed to let him live with them untill January as long as he followed some basic rules and paid for his own food. The rules were things like, no bringing women back there and if he went out drinking he had to be quiet when he got back so he didn't wake their daughter who's 6. He agreed to all this and paid for a Chinese for them all that night. The next day after work Rob went to meet his dad in the pub for a few pints. When Zack and Nat went to bed Rob still wasn't home. They were woken up at about 2 in the morning by Rob arguing with a woman. Apparently, Rob had met this woman in a bar, took her back to Zack and Nat house, got his pleasure and then told her to get dressed and fuck off once he was done. She had gotten angry, which started an argument where Rob was saying some horrific shit to her. Nat took the woman down stairs and got her a taxi, whilst Zack stayed upstairs arguing with Rob. Once Nat had got rid of the woman she went back upstairs and tried to calm Zack and Rob down. At this point Rob decided to take out his frustrations on Nat, calling her a bitch and telling her to do something useful and make him a sandwich before bursting out laughing like he'd made he funniest joke ever. This made Zack lost it and pinned Rob to the wall by his throat. Side note, Rob isn't a fighter at all where as Zack was a amateur boxer in his youth and can handle himself well. Nat managed to get Zack to let him go and Rob was shoved in the guest room and told to sleep off he alcohol. Its a miracle that Nat’s daughter didn't wake up during this. The next morning Nat got their daughter ready and went to her mums after telling Zack to get Rob out of their house. Zack agreed and after Nat left he woke Rob up and told him to pack his shit and leave. Rob tried to apologise and begged to stay but Zack was having none of it and kicked him out. Going off the timing, I think he left there and came straight to my house. On Sunday Zack text Rob to meet up so that they could speak and they met up in a pub. Zack has been friends with Rob since they were 11 and has never seen him act like he has been doing so he wanted to find out what was really going on. He managed to finally get the truth out of Rob. Basically, Rob has been in contact with his dad for a lot longer than he told us, by this point its over 2 years. His dad is a raging misogynist that believes a woman's place is in the kitchen and bedroom. A man's place is to rule the house and be waited on hand a foot as well as deciding who can ans can't be in their lives. He's been dripping this poison into Rs ear and it's really taken a hold of him. Zack told Nat that he just doesn't recognise Rob anymore. Rob wants to start living his life the way his father has told him he should. When Zack pointed out that Rob’s dad is 62, living in a shitty one bedroom flat, not had a real relationship since Rs mum left him, has no friends, his family doesn't speak to him and that he's the type of guy that when he walks into a pub people finish their pints so they can leave and get away from him, Rob was furious. He told Zack that his dad is just misunderstood. Zack responded that people understood his dad and that's why they stayed away from him, he's Toxic. This pretty much ended their conversation and Rob left. Zack did find out that Rob does have a flat lined up for January, so that was true and that he's found a b&b he can stay in till the flat is ready at a minimal cost. Zack and Nat have also decided to go NC with Rob as they don't need that toxicity around them, but especially not around their daughter. A few redditors had said it sounded like Rob was on drugs, so I asked Nat what she thought and she doesn't think so but can't be sure. She and Zack think that Rob is just so far under his dad's thumb now that he's completely changed as a person. He believes that everything his dad says is gospel. She did let me know that Rob has a burner IG account that he is using to check on my IG and I immediately made my account private. He had said something about seeing me waist money on a stupid amount of Christmas presents when I couldn't even help him out to Zack on Sunday. I'd been to a Christmas Market on Saturday afternoon and had posted pics on IG. All of this just made my resolve stronger that he will not be getting anywhere near my house again. It also made me realise that I dont have any feeling for him any more other than frustration at how he's acting and some sadness at how far he's fallen from the man I once knew. I thought that hearing he had another woman in his bed would annoy me, but there was just nothing, I couldn't have cared less. I thanked Nat for the info and we agreed to keep intouch. We won't be as close as we were when I was with Rob but it feels good to have someone who knows the entire situation and has seen Rob’s behaviour with his own eyes. There were also some redditors that told me to ditch the friends that had told me to let him stay with me. Unfortunately, I can't ditch them completely as they're part of the friend group and that would just cause unnecessary drama, but I will be keeping my distance from them and only talking to them when part of the group. I'm currently at my sisters and we are going to watch a Christmas film to get us in the mood to decorate all our house's this weekend, so I will be on and off for the next few hours if anyone has any questions. Thanks for the votes and giving me some perspective. Reddit isn't all bad. RELEVANT COMMENTS PuddleLilacAgain: The misogyny and abuse probably runs in Rob's family. I wonder if on some level, the son adopts the ways of the father so he will be accepted and loved. Rob's father is probably not capable of love, so if the son acts horribly and is given praise for it, he might misinterpret it as love and finally figures he's getting his father's approval. Just a theory. Who knows what actually goes on in these sick families. Sad... OP: I was talking about this to my sister before, and she said that she thinks he's behaving like he is to get some sort of validation from his dad. I knew that he missed having a dad growing up as we had talked about our shared experience of that, so you are probably right in this regard. I just know that one day he will wake up and realise everything he's lost because of his and his dads actions. I also don't think it helps that he wasn't abused by his dad, his mum and elder brother protected him from it, so his memories of his dad from his younger years are largely positive.   For anyone that's still around - December 19, 2023 Still have people reaching out to see if I'm OK. A few hated me just using initials so R is Rob. I really hoped that I wouldn't have to update again, but I've just had a call from one of Robs friends and it looks like he's going to be spending Christmas in prison. Apparently, he went out on Saturday night with his dad and they got into an argument which turned physical. Rob isn't a fighter however he is bigger and stronger than his dad and it ended with his dad falling backwards and hitting his head off a wall knocking him unconscious. The staff in the pub called the police and an ambulance, but Rob left before they got there. Rob's dad had to go to hospital, where he still is. I'm unsure off his exact injuries, but they're not life threatening. He must also be awake as he is pressing charges against Rob, however they won't keep him in unless absolutely essential at this time of year. Rob was arrested on Sunday morning at the B&B he's been staying at and had to appear in Magistrates Court on Monday. Due to him not having a fixed address right now and the fact that his dad is still in hospital he has been remanded on a section 18 with intent. Unless he can find permanent address to go to then he won't be getting out untill his trial at Crown Court. I know his mum is already at his brothers over 250 miles away so I don't think she will be able to help right now. Finding this out has actually given me a sense of peace right now. I've been trying to ignore it, but the chance of him turning up and spoling Christmas has been at the back of my mind ever since he turned up at my house. I'm hoping he stays in over Christmas so that I can just relax. OOP on Section 18 in her area OOP: Section 18 is an assault charge, a section 18 with intent is the next level up and is classed as intending to and causing grievous bodily harm to someone. I've been told that if found guilty, then it's usually a multiple year prison sentence.   Another mini update - December 23, 2023 I went round to N and Z, here by known as Nat and Zack, to drop off a present for their daughter, a bottle of Bells for Zack and a bottle of Prosecco for Nat for Christmas and had a cup of tea with them whilst they filled me in on what's going on. Rob will be in over Christmas, but will likely get out early January. His lawyer is trying to get the charges reduced from section 18 with intent to a section 20. I only found out today that a Section 18 with intent is one step down from attempted murder and you're looking at double digits in prison if you get found guilty. Section 20 is a lot less severe and is usually a 2 year suspended sentence for first-time offenders, which he is. His lawyer has said that if he pleads guilty to the section 20 then CPS will lower the charges to get this one over and done with asap as the courts are ridiculously backed up in the UK right now and prisons are full. Zack went to the B&B he was staying at and got Robs stuff which is now sat in his garage as one last favour to Rob, Zacks words. He can't get in touch with me without my consent whilst he is locked away. The prison literally has to ring me and ask if it is ok that I get put on his approved call list and only then is he allowed to ring me, which won't be happening. I've also spoken to his mum, who has basically washed her hand of him for the time being. She thinks that he needs to learn his lesson and maybe spending Christmas in a cell will teach him how much he's lost the plot. She has spoken to him and said that he's now saying the right things, but only time will tell if he means them. He is talking about moving to be near his brother to get away from their dad so maybe he has seen the light. His brother has refused to go onto his call list, so Rob can't contact him, so I don't know how that will work. As for his dad, he is still in hospital with a broken hip and has had to have surgery to fix it. The broken bone and head injury is why the charges are so high right now. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, knowing he can't ruin my Christmas. I'm just about to pack everything into the car and go and stay at my mums untill January 2nd, but thought I'd finish the year off letting everyone who's helped me and supported me through this know whats going on. Merry Christmas to everyone that celebrates it and hope everyone is doing well. OOP on her sister, Kim, due to the emergency surgery that took place OOP: She's doing great, not got to go back to the hospital till end of January as they're that happy with her. Still got a long road to recovery as the stitches won't be out for at least another 6 months, probably longer. She and her wife will be at mums all over Christmas as well. They're gonna be here tomorrow and staying till after New year as well. She is at the football today in hospitality as a treat from our stepdad so she was buzzing this morning. Hope you have a great time as well, and a great new year.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Final Update - April 13, 2024 Hi all, Sorry its been a while since my last update, but i wanted everything to be finished before I updated again. Rob spent Christmas on remand in prison. He didn't get out until the second week of January and that was only because his mum agreed to let him stay with her again. He had his plea hearing the first week of February, where he pleaded guilty to a section 20 assault. He then had to wait until last week to get his sentencing court date. I didn't know how much actually goes into sentencing. They had to get a victim impact statement, a pre sentencing report from probation, statements from his mum and brother. His barrister even reached out to me to give a statement saying that we had broken up and I'd asked him to leave the house. He used our break up as an extenuating circumstance, saying that because of the break up of our relationship and him losing his home, that had seriously impacted him mental health. The statements from his mum and brother also confirmed that he had lived in an abusive home when he was young, so he claimed he had ptsd because of that. These were all read out at his sentencing. He was going to get 3 years, but the judge knocked time off for pleading guilty and for mitigating circumstances. That left him with a 16 month sentence that was suspended for 18 months. As part of the conditions for his release, he isn't allowed anywhere near his dad, he has to go to counselling for his supposed ptsd and he isn't allowed to drink alcohol. He even has an ankle monitor on that tests his sweat every half an hour for alcohol and will alert probation if he gets a positive result. Luckily for him his boss has let him go and work at their main location in the city thats half an hour away from here and probation were happy for him to live there as well. He moved into a flat there this week, so I don't have to worry about running into him. I haven't spoken to him at all and I dont want too. He has tried reaching out through a coupke of friends, but they've respected my decision and told him to move on with his life. However, I did speak to his mum yesterday and she said that she thinks he's depressed, but so far he's doing OK. She's the one I got all of this information from. Its a strange mix of emotion for me towards him as I still care on some level, just not enough to keep him in my life. I know I need to keep him away from me as I can never see him like I did at this time last year. Its crazy to think that its only been a year since we got engaged. So much has happened. Other than thoes mixed emotions, I'm doing well. I've been hanging out with my sister and her wife alot more as well as catching up with friends. I'm still working at the same place and I don't see that changing anytime soon. For the people asking about my sister, she's doing good. She had a set back last month but she seems to be over that now and has just been approved to have some form of newish stem cell treatment at the UKs biggest eye hospital. Which is fab news. She tried to explain it to me but it involves them taking her blood and putting it into her eye which grossed me out so l told her to stop. However, because she's my sister she then sent me pictures of what they do and mum had to step in and tell her to stop. No matter how old we get, I dont think we will ever stop trying to annoy each other. So all in all, I think we're all moving on with life. Unless there's something big happen then this should be my last post. I really want to thank everyone for their kind words and support. This has restored my faith that there are still good people out there.   Latest Update here: BoRU #4   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/ThrowRAsisterseye Originally posted to r/relationship_advice Previous BoRU [New Update] - My, 28f, fiancee 29m, wants me to put his family before mine, even at the expense of my families health. Editor’s Note: Changed initials to names based on OOP’s latest updates for readability. And also removed some relevant comments as they have been covered in the newer updates NEW UPDATES MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: medical surgery, controlling behavior, attempted extortion, verbal abuse, possible stalking mentions physical abuse of a child, misogyny, emotional abuse and manipulation, assault, severe head trauma RECAP Original Post - October 25, 2023 Throwaway as my work friends are on my main and they dont know this is going on. Also, obligatory that this is on mobile so spelling and grammar will be poo. This is a long one, but I'll try and keep it as short as possible. I, 28f got engaged to my partner of 7 years Rob, 29m in May. Both sides of our family were really happy about this and we had a big family meal 2 weeks after getting engaged. His brother lives 250 miles away and couldn't get here for that meal so we decided to have a meal just for his family in late June when his brother would be back for the weekend, this weekend was arranged long before we got engaged so he wasn't back just for the meal. Earlier this year my sister Kim 32f, got a serious eye infection that very quickly turned into an Ulcer, which scarred her cornea and left it at a high risk of a perforation. She needed a corneal graft, but her surgeon was away for 4 weeks so she was going to have to wait until he got back to have it. However, her eye didn't hold and it perforated the day I was supposed to be going to the family meal with Rs brother. Kim's wife was at work and had her phone turned off and our mum was away with our step dad, so when Kim called me to let me know what was happening I knew she would be at the hospital on her own. I immediately talked to my boss and he let me go early so Kim wasn't on her own. I text Rob to let him know what was going on and he text me back to send Kim his love and to remind me about the meal that night. I ignored the comment about the meal as it was the last thing on my mind. Once I got to the hospitaI, I was taken back into a room where Kim was, to be greeted by 3 doctors and 2 nurses rushing around trying to help Kim. I was then informed that she needed to have an emergency operation to have her eye glued or else she would lose it. The problem was that they didn't have a surgeon at that hospital that could do it and she needed to go to another hospital and hour and a half away. They asked if she would need transportation or if I could take her, I said I would take her. Once we got to the other hospital we were told that she would be having the operation at 5:30pm. I knew then that I wouldn't make the dinner and text Rob to let him know. He flipped out and basically told me to leave Kim at the hospital and have her wife pick her up after the op was done, at this point I still hadn't be able to get ahold of Kim's wife. I told him that wasn't going to happen and that he was out of order to even ask me to do that. I then text his mum and told her what was going on. She was really supportive and told me to stay with Kim and let her know how the op goes. A dinner can be rescheduled, Kim's health can't. I also spoke with his brother who was equally as understanding. I stayed with Kim, her operation was a sucess and I got her back home about 9pm. Her wife had ordered some Chinese and offered me some, which I happily accepted as I hadn't eaten since lunch. With that I didn't get home till about 11pm ans Rob was already asleep. Rob was very short with me for days after and we eneded up having a huge fight where he told me that I should have put his brother and family before Kim. He said he was embarrassed going to the meal without me. I responded that I was embarrassed he though I would put a meal before my sisters health. This led to another week of awkwardness between us before we finally sat down and we sorted it out, or so I thought. 8 weeks ago Kim got her graft and so far everything is going really well with it. On Saturday his brother was here so we went out for dinner with his family. His family were all asking about how Kim was doing and I showed them a picture of the stitches in her eye. I thought that everything had gone really well untill we got home and he got really angry saying that I shouldn't have brought up Kim's health issues and I shouldn't have shown them the picture. I argued that they'd asked about her and asked to see the picture. It ended with him telling me that I needed to put him and his family before Kim or else we weren't going to work. His family will come before mine once we are married so I should get used to it. I went upstairs and packed a bag. I'm now at my mums house and he's been bombarding me with text and calls since I left. I do love him, but I will never put his family above my own families health. I feel like he's expecting me to spend every holiday with his family and put their wants above my familes needs, which won't happen. I'm very close to my sister and my mum, that's not going to change. So I don't really know how to move forward or if I even want to Has anyone experience anything like this before? If so, how did you deal with it? TLDR; My fiancee got mad that I missed a dinner with his family because my sister needed emergency surgery and I was the only one available to take her. He is now insisting that I put his family before my own. I dont know how to move forward with him. Edit; For some reason it won't let me do a full Update post even on my own page so I'm just going to add it to here. Thank you so much for everyone that commented, I replied to as many as I could but I read all of them. Warning, this is going to be longer than the original post, alot has happened. Tldr; For thoes that just want a quick update, I left him and he's out of my house. His mum is seriously pissed at him and his brother has gone no contact with him for the foreseeable future. For thoes that want a longer version. Once I'd decided to end things with him, I knew that the main issue would be getting him out of my house. I own the house outright, my grandma died 5 years ago and left her house to my mum, who sold it and split the money between me and my sister. I then bought my house with that money about a year after she died. I got intouch with my stepdads friend, who is a landlord the day after I wrote my original post, who then put me intouch with his solicitor. He didn't have time to see me in person that day, but we did have a phone call where he gave me my options. In the UK we have something called a section 8 notice. This is a 14 day eviction notice and the solicitor said this would be the quickest way to get him out, however he could try and contest it if he wanted too which would lead to court dates and could take months. I asked him to draw up the notice and date it for Friday, the next day. I'd already made the decision to end things with him after work on Friday, so that he could have the weekend to sort through his emotions before work on Monday. On Friday morning I text Rob and asked him to meet with me at our local pub after work. He quickly agreed. Not only is the pub a public space, but my stepdad and a few of his work friends go in there every Friday after work for a few pints so I knew he would be there to step in if I needed him. Thank you for suggesting this redditors. I also picked up the eviction notice on my lunch break so I was ready to give it to him. Cost £250 but was worth it. When I got to the pub, Rob was already there and my stepdad was stood at the bar with his work mates. I sat down with Rob and got straight to the point. I told him that it was over, I couldn't be with someone who didn't give me any support when I was going through one of the scariest moments of my life and expected me to drop my family for his. It didn't matter what excuses he could come up with, I wasn't interested, I'd made up my mind and we were done. He stared at me in shock for what felt like and hour, but was probably only a minute or so. He then started saying I couldn't be serious, we'd been together for 7 years and I was throwing it all away, I could never find another guy like him. I responded to the last comment with, I dont want a guy like you that's why I'm ending it. I need someone who's will support me when times get tough, not get annoyed that the world isn't bowing down to what he wants. I then handed him an envelope with the eviction notice in and my engagement ring. I told him I was giving him a few weeks to find a place and be out of my house. Then I stood up and walked over to my stepdad, who had bought me a much needed drink and stayed with him until my ex left still looking in shock. I knew he wouldn't approach me whilst I was with my stepdad as he has always been a little scared of him. This is obviously a very condensed version of what happened. Once I got back to my mum's house, I had a 1 single text from him saying he wasn't moving out and was going to contest the eviction until I'd come to my senses and got back with him. WE ARE NOT OVER, was how he ended the text. I just turned my phone off and decided to deal with the legal side of things on Monday, there was nothing else I could do. Saturday morning I woke up and turned my phone back on and had another text from him saying that he would move out if I paid him £10,000 as that's what he'd paid towards bills whilst he had lived at the house. He paid for half the electric, gas, WiFi and Sky package. Note, the sky package is only as expensive as it is because he has to have every sports channel known to man, so his half literally just paid for the sports channel's. I'd already asked the solicitor about this though and he'd assured me that I didn't owe him any money as he hadn't contributed to a mortgage or any renovations of the house, it was just general expenses. He also knew that I dont have £10,000 just lying around. Lets say I was irritated by this and decided to ring his mum to see if she could talk some sense into him. I'll call his mum Sandra to make it easier. She was appalled by what I told her and said she would speak to him. She called me back about an hour later and asked me to meet her at the house. Rob was on an away day to watch his football team play and wouldn't be back till about 10pm so I knew he wasn't there. I met her at the house with Kim, and Sandra said that Rob's brother was on his way back home and they would have Rob out by the following afternoon. She hadn't even spoken to Rob, just his brother, but she promised he would be out. Sandra then asked me to walked her through the house showing her exactly what was his and what wasnt so he didn't take anything that didnt belong to him. The next morning I got a text from Rob calling me all the names under the sun for getting his mum and brother involved. I blocked him and a couple of hours later Sandra text me to let me know he was out and staying with her. I thanked her and she told me that she would like to stay in contact and I happily agreed to this. I went back to my house after work on Monday, changed the alarm code and my stepdad changed all the locks for me. My stepdad is also arranging for a friend of his to install cameras around the outside of the house, this will be done over the weekend. Sandra rang me on Tuesday asking if we could meet up as she had some things she wanted me to know. So we met for lunch that day. It was at this time that she told me her ex was a controlling ahole who was incredibly selfish and the selfishness was what she had seen in Rob for so long. Thats why she had commented on him being like his father, but she had hoped that was the extent of Rob's attitude and he hadnt picked up his dad's controlling behaviour, which to be fair, he hadnt up until this whole episode. She had left Rob's dad after he had punched Rob's brother in the face when he was 14 and Rob was 10. He had never layed a hand on her or their sons before, but one time was enough and she left with the boys. To her knowledge her ex had never reached out to speak to Rob or his brother and they hadn't spoken to their father in years. I didn't know any of this, all I had been told was that their dad wasnt in the picture and hadn't been for a long time, but Sandra had thought I knew and that's why she hadn't told me before. However she had found out on Sunday night that Rob was back in contact with his father and had been for the past year. His dad had been putting lots of thoughts into Rob's head about how he is the man of the house and his family is all that matters. This had fed into Rob's selfish tendencies and had amplified them ten fold. Sandra said that she had told him to find somewhere else to stay asap as she couldn't even look him in the face. Then Rob and his brother had a huge argument that ended with his brother telling him that as long as Rob is intouch with their dad, then he will have zero contact with him. Even going so far as to tell him to spend Christmas with their dad because Sandra is going to his house and Rob isn't welcome. When Sandra took Rob's brothers side in all this, Rob flew into a rage and said he would move in with his dad. He then left the house, but came back a couple of hours later looking like hed been crying. Turns out, that his dad doesnt want him living with him and basically said he could be on the streets for all he cares, he's not putting a roof over a grown man's head. Sandra thinks that Rob is now starting to realise everything he has lost due to him listening to his dad and has seen his dad's true colours. Sandra is incredibly disappointed in him, but he's her son so she is trying to be there for him as best as she can, however she still wants him out as she doesn't trust him anymore. His brother still won't have anything to do with him. She has also told him to stay the hell away from me as I don't need to be brought into this and he has promised her that he will. Only time will tell if that's true, but I do have him blocked on everything and if he turns upto the house I will just call the police to get rid of him. The more Sandra told me about what had been going ok behind my back, the more resolute I have become about wanting nothing to do with him. I never want to see him again, if I can help it. So all in all Rob's life is a shit show, but as long as he stays away from me then I don't care. I've been spending alot of time with my sister and her wife as well and my mum and stepdad which has been great. I've never really been close to my stepdad, but this has brought us alot closer together which has been one huge positive out of all this. I'm not exactly happy right now, but I'll get there. There's still alot of feelings that I need to unpackand it will take time to move on from this whole situation. I dont think I will be dating for a while, I need to really get over all this and don't want to dump this on anyone else right now. For all thoes asking how Kim is doing, she's doing great. Had a hospital appointment on Monday and her consultant said her eye is healing, in his words, marvelously, so that's a relief. Thank you to everyone that reached out to me. I hope there won't be any need to update this again, so this should be my final update.   For telling my ex that it's not my fault that he's homeless. - November 26, 2023 So I 28f posted on relationship advice before about my now ex 29m. The post and update is in my profile, but basically my ex fiance wanted me to put his family before mine even at the cost of my sisters health. I ended up breaking up with him over it and he was forced to move in with his mum, who then found out that he had been intouch with his abusive dad who was twisting his view on how a relationship should work. Last I heard was that his mum was kicking him out as she would not have anyone in her house that was in contact with her ex and that he had tried to go live with his dad, but his dad had refused. I was completely NC with him, so his mum was the one that had told me this. I'll call my ex Rob and exs mum Sandra to make things easier. I hadn't heard from Rob in weeks, but yesterday he showed up at my house. I had the chain on my door so opened it with that still attached, no way would I let him in. He basically told me that he had no where to live. His mum isn't speaking to him and his dad won't put a roof over a grown man's head, his words not mine. He asked if I would take him back or at least let him live with me. No way in hell would I get back with him and getting him out the first time only went easy because his mum stepped in to help. He had threatened to take me to court knowing that if he did it could take months to get him out and then said he would only move if I gave him £10,000. I contacted his mum, who was furious about that and she turned up with his brother and forced him out. I told him that there was zero possibility of him ever living with me again and that we were 100% over. He started shouting at me and calling me all sorts of names, so I threatened to call the police if he didn't leave and shut the door. I have cameras all over my house so I caught everything he did and said on camera and have saved it to a USB just incase. He then went crying to all our mutual friends and it managed to get back to his mum. She called me and asked what happened, I told her and she then informed me that she had put her house up for sale and was moving 300 miles away to be nearer her other son. Her and Rob had a huge argument about this and she finally kicked him out. Since then he's been couch surfing, but with Christmas coming up, his friends aren't really happy with having him on their couches when they have kids and are meant to be enjoying the festive season. He's been kicked out of 3 friends houses in 10 days. She told me I was right to refuse him, but I've since had other friends say that they feel sorry for them, and that I can just let him stay in my spare room until he's back on his feet. I then asked them to put him up, but they said they would but don't have room and if they had a spare room like me then they would let him stay. My family and his are on my side, but I'm starting to doubt myself with what a couple of my friends have said. So Reddit, AITA? EDIT; Just a quick edit as I'm going to bed. I've just spoken with the wife of one of Rob's friends and she's asked to meet me on my lunch break tomorrow. Apparently, Rob stayed with them for 2 nights before she kicked him out and there's more going on than what I know of. She's going to tell me the full story tomorrow, but told me that I shouldn't let him anywhere near me and that he's staying in a b&b so he does at least have a roof over his head right now. I'll try and update after I've spoken to her.   Chemical-Scarcity964: NTA. You are lucky you got out when you did. File for a restraining order (not sure if it's called the same in the UK) as soon as possible. OP: Restraining orders here are ridiculously hard to get. There usually has to be violence involved for one to be issued. I am going to make sure I log everything from now on though.   Update - November 27, 2023 So I posted yesterday about my ex turning up at my house wanting for me to let him move back in with me. I said no, but a couple of friends thought I should let him and that messed with my head. Rob is my ex. A few people told me to change my lock etc. I did that and changed my alarm code as well as my step dad got his friend to put up 4 cameras around my house. I'm also going to start shutting the gate so that no one can walk upto the house without ringing the bell there first. I put in an Edit that I was going to me meeting with one of Rob’s friends wives, for lunch today and I have to say that it was informative for sure. I'll call her Nat, 30f and her husband Zack, 29m. So I went to meet her on my lunch break at a cafe near my work. It's a place that alot of my coworkers go to and I know the staff there as well. A few redditors thought that she might bring Rob with her so I wanted it to be somewhere I feel comfortable and have back up if needed. Turns out that I didn't need to bother about that. When I got to the Cafe Nat was there on her own. I grabbed some lunch and a drink and sat with her. We went throught the usual small talk before she started telling me what had been going on. Rob rang Zack on Thursday morning saying he had no where to go and could he stay with them for a few days. Zack spoke to Nat and they agree he could stay in their guest room. Rob went to their house after work and they had a long talk where Rob told them he has a flat lined up, but can't move in till January. Zack and Nat agreed to let him live with them untill January as long as he followed some basic rules and paid for his own food. The rules were things like, no bringing women back there and if he went out drinking he had to be quiet when he got back so he didn't wake their daughter who's 6. He agreed to all this and paid for a Chinese for them all that night. The next day after work Rob went to meet his dad in the pub for a few pints. When Zack and Nat went to bed Rob still wasn't home. They were woken up at about 2 in the morning by Rob arguing with a woman. Apparently, Rob had met this woman in a bar, took her back to Zack and Nat house, got his pleasure and then told her to get dressed and fuck off once he was done. She had gotten angry, which started an argument where Rob was saying some horrific shit to her. Nat took the woman down stairs and got her a taxi, whilst Zack stayed upstairs arguing with Rob. Once Nat had got rid of the woman she went back upstairs and tried to calm Zack and Rob down. At this point Rob decided to take out his frustrations on Nat, calling her a bitch and telling her to do something useful and make him a sandwich before bursting out laughing like he'd made he funniest joke ever. This made Zack lost it and pinned Rob to the wall by his throat. Side note, Rob isn't a fighter at all where as Zack was a amateur boxer in his youth and can handle himself well. Nat managed to get Zack to let him go and Rob was shoved in the guest room and told to sleep off he alcohol. Its a miracle that Nat’s daughter didn't wake up during this. The next morning Nat got their daughter ready and went to her mums after telling Zack to get Rob out of their house. Zack agreed and after Nat left he woke Rob up and told him to pack his shit and leave. Rob tried to apologise and begged to stay but Zack was having none of it and kicked him out. Going off the timing, I think he left there and came straight to my house. On Sunday Zack text Rob to meet up so that they could speak and they met up in a pub. Zack has been friends with Rob since they were 11 and has never seen him act like he has been doing so he wanted to find out what was really going on. He managed to finally get the truth out of Rob. Basically, Rob has been in contact with his dad for a lot longer than he told us, by this point its over 2 years. His dad is a raging misogynist that believes a woman's place is in the kitchen and bedroom. A man's place is to rule the house and be waited on hand a foot as well as deciding who can ans can't be in their lives. He's been dripping this poison into Rs ear and it's really taken a hold of him. Zack told Nat that he just doesn't recognise Rob anymore. Rob wants to start living his life the way his father has told him he should. When Zack pointed out that Rob’s dad is 62, living in a shitty one bedroom flat, not had a real relationship since Rs mum left him, has no friends, his family doesn't speak to him and that he's the type of guy that when he walks into a pub people finish their pints so they can leave and get away from him, Rob was furious. He told Zack that his dad is just misunderstood. Zack responded that people understood his dad and that's why they stayed away from him, he's Toxic. This pretty much ended their conversation and Rob left. Zack did find out that Rob does have a flat lined up for January, so that was true and that he's found a b&b he can stay in till the flat is ready at a minimal cost. Zack and Nat have also decided to go NC with Rob as they don't need that toxicity around them, but especially not around their daughter. A few redditors had said it sounded like Rob was on drugs, so I asked Nat what she thought and she doesn't think so but can't be sure. She and Zack think that Rob is just so far under his dad's thumb now that he's completely changed as a person. He believes that everything his dad says is gospel. She did let me know that Rob has a burner IG account that he is using to check on my IG and I immediately made my account private. He had said something about seeing me waist money on a stupid amount of Christmas presents when I couldn't even help him out to Zack on Sunday. I'd been to a Christmas Market on Saturday afternoon and had posted pics on IG. All of this just made my resolve stronger that he will not be getting anywhere near my house again. It also made me realise that I dont have any feeling for him any more other than frustration at how he's acting and some sadness at how far he's fallen from the man I once knew. I thought that hearing he had another woman in his bed would annoy me, but there was just nothing, I couldn't have cared less. I thanked Nat for the info and we agreed to keep intouch. We won't be as close as we were when I was with Rob but it feels good to have someone who knows the entire situation and has seen Rob’s behaviour with his own eyes. There were also some redditors that told me to ditch the friends that had told me to let him stay with me. Unfortunately, I can't ditch them completely as they're part of the friend group and that would just cause unnecessary drama, but I will be keeping my distance from them and only talking to them when part of the group. I'm currently at my sisters and we are going to watch a Christmas film to get us in the mood to decorate all our house's this weekend, so I will be on and off for the next few hours if anyone has any questions. Thanks for the votes and giving me some perspective. Reddit isn't all bad.   RELEVANT COMMENTS PuddleLilacAgain: The misogyny and abuse probably runs in Rob's family. I wonder if on some level, the son adopts the ways of the father so he will be accepted and loved. Rob's father is probably not capable of love, so if the son acts horribly and is given praise for it, he might misinterpret it as love and finally figures he's getting his father's approval. Just a theory. Who knows what actually goes on in these sick families. Sad... OP: I was talking about this to my sister before, and she said that she thinks he's behaving like he is to get some sort of validation from his dad. I knew that he missed having a dad growing up as we had talked about our shared experience of that, so you are probably right in this regard. I just know that one day he will wake up and realise everything he's lost because of his and his dads actions. I also don't think it helps that he wasn't abused by his dad, his mum and elder brother protected him from it, so his memories of his dad from his younger years are largely positive.   ----NEW UPDATES---- For anyone that's still around - December 19, 2023 Still have people reaching out to see if I'm OK. A few hated me just using initials so R is Rob. I really hoped that I wouldn't have to update again, but I've just had a call from one of Robs friends and it looks like he's going to be spending Christmas in prison. Apparently, he went out on Saturday night with his dad and they got into an argument which turned physical. Rob isn't a fighter however he is bigger and stronger than his dad and it ended with his dad falling backwards and hitting his head off a wall knocking him unconscious. The staff in the pub called the police and an ambulance, but Rob left before they got there. Rob's dad had to go to hospital, where he still is. I'm unsure off his exact injuries, but they're not life threatening. He must also be awake as he is pressing charges against Rob, however they won't keep him in unless absolutely essential at this time of year. Rob was arrested on Sunday morning at the B&B he's been staying at and had to appear in Magistrates Court on Monday. Due to him not having a fixed address right now and the fact that his dad is still in hospital he has been remanded on a section 18 with intent. Unless he can find permanent address to go to then he won't be getting out untill his trial at Crown Court. I know his mum is already at his brothers over 250 miles away so I don't think she will be able to help right now. Finding this out has actually given me a sense of peace right now. I've been trying to ignore it, but the chance of him turning up and spoling Christmas has been at the back of my mind ever since he turned up at my house. I'm hoping he stays in over Christmas so that I can just relax. OOP on Section 18 in her area OOP: Section 18 is an assault charge, a section 18 with intent is the next level up and is classed as intending to and causing grievous bodily harm to someone. I've been told that if found guilty, then it's usually a multiple year prison sentence. Another mini update - December 23, 2023 I went round to N and Z, here by known as Nat and Zack, to drop off a present for their daughter, a bottle of Bells for Zack and a bottle of Prosecco for Nat for Christmas and had a cup of tea with them whilst they filled me in on what's going on. Rob will be in over Christmas, but will likely get out early January. His lawyer is trying to get the charges reduced from section 18 with intent to a section 20. I only found out today that a Section 18 with intent is one step down from attempted murder and you're looking at double digits in prison if you get found guilty. Section 20 is a lot less severe and is usually a 2 year suspended sentence for first-time offenders, which he is. His lawyer has said that if he pleads guilty to the section 20 then CPS will lower the charges to get this one over and done with asap as the courts are ridiculously backed up in the UK right now and prisons are full. Zack went to the B&B he was staying at and got Robs stuff which is now sat in his garage as one last favour to Rob, Zacks words. He can't get in touch with me without my consent whilst he is locked away. The prison literally has to ring me and ask if it is ok that I get put on his approved call list and only then is he allowed to ring me, which won't be happening. I've also spoken to his mum, who has basically washed her hand of him for the time being. She thinks that he needs to learn his lesson and maybe spending Christmas in a cell will teach him how much he's lost the plot. She has spoken to him and said that he's now saying the right things, but only time will tell if he means them. He is talking about moving to be near his brother to get away from their dad so maybe he has seen the light. His brother has refused to go onto his call list, so Rob can't contact him, so I don't know how that will work. As for his dad, he is still in hospital with a broken hip and has had to have surgery to fix it. The broken bone and head injury is why the charges are so high right now. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, knowing he can't ruin my Christmas. I'm just about to pack everything into the car and go and stay at my mums untill January 2nd, but thought I'd finish the year off letting everyone who's helped me and supported me through this know whats going on. Merry Christmas to everyone that celebrates it and hope everyone is doing well. OOP on her sister, Kim, due to the emergency surgery that took place OOP: She's doing great, not got to go back to the hospital till end of January as they're that happy with her. Still got a long road to recovery as the stitches won't be out for at least another 6 months, probably longer. She and her wife will be at mums all over Christmas as well. They're gonna be here tomorrow and staying till after New year as well. She is at the football today in hospitality as a treat from our stepdad so she was buzzing this morning. Hope you have a great time as well, and a great new year.   Latest Update here: BoRU #3   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

**I am NOT OOP. Original post by u/MHabibti in r/AITAH** Trigger Warnings: Infidelity, attempted suicide, psychological abuse of a spouse and children, medical emergency requiring CPR, discussions of a life-threatening medical condition Mood Spoilers: Rage inducing Notes: Possible fake. Updates were added as edits to the original post so there are no time stamps for them. The entire post is shown below as it appears originally. Thanks to u/porkypandas for finding this post. ​ AITAH for telling my husband he has to wait to get a heart transplant? Posted Dec 22, 2023 FINAL UPDATE SECOND UPDATE UPDATE below. Please bear with me, as there is a lot of information. My husband (age 46) and I ( 42F) have been married for 16 years and have 2 kids, ages 13 and 10. He was born with a heart defect and has seen a cardiologist since the age of 20. Last year, he had a heart attack. He collapsed right in front of the kids and me at the park. His heart stopped and I had to do CPR while my kids watched. Thankfully, he started breathing again by the time the ambulance arrived. He was in a coma for 3 days and the only reason he survived is thanks to a device called LVAD (Left Ventricular Assist Device), which is basically a machine that pumps his blood. The device is attached to his heart and is powered by batteries. A cable comes out of his torso and is attached to a controller, which in turn connects to batteries that he carries in a bag and have to be changed every 12-15 hours. At night, the controller connects to a long cable that plugs into the wall outlet. I happen to think this is a miracle of modern medicine . He thinks it’s annoying because the bag is bulky and he had to give up swimming because the cable can’t get wet. At first, the doctors wanted to do a heart transplant, but decided he wasn’t strong enough to withstand that surgery. The average recovery time for a heart transplant is 3 months, compared to 3 weeks for an LVAD surgery. During this time, he needs a full-time caretaker and he has to relocate closer to the hospital because he would have weekly appointments. He will eventually need a transplant , but he can live with the LVAD for years. However, we received extensive information about both procedures. Back to the current problem. Three days ago I got a call from the hospital to schedule an appointment to meet with a social worker and go over everything I need to know as the caretaker of a transplant recipient. I was completely confused. Based on everything I learned last year, I know this is one of the last steps before adding someone to the wait list. After asking some questions, I learned that my husband had already done all the tests necessary and depending on the outcome of my appointment, he could be added to the list within days and because of his blood type, he would probably get a heart within 2 months. I was livid. My husband started the process without talking to me. I asked if there is any risk of heart failure if we wait a little longer. She said there’s no risk as long as he takes care of himself. She also said on average, people keep the LVAD for 7 years before getting a new heart. I thanked the social worker and said I’d call her back. The hospital where he would get the transplant is 5 hours away from our home. As I mentioned before, the recovery time is about 3 months, he needs a caretaker with him 24/7 and he has to be within one hour of the hospital in case of an emergency. That evening after dinner I asked him why he hadn’t told me that he was planning to get the transplant soon. His answer floored me: “Do I have to ask for your permission? I’m the one having surgery. Don’t I get to decide when it happens?” I asked him who his caretaker was. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, “Are you saying you won’t do it? You’re MY WIFE .” I then asked him who is going to take care of our children for 3 months. He suggested they come with us. I reminded him of a few minor problems that he probably hadn’t thought about: I need to get a leave of absence from work and this is our busiest time of the year. We have no support system, as our families live in a different state. The children have school. I can’t take care of him properly if I also have to take care of our kids. We would need to pay rent for an apartment close to the hospital while also paying our mortgage. Not to mention that our 13-year old is in therapy for acute depression and suicidal ideation, which started after the heart attack. Missing therapy for 3 months could be detrimental to his mental health. I told him something this huge needs to be planned. If he can wait until next summer, my sister , who is a teacher, can come and stay with our kids. We can save some money in the meantime, and I can give my work advance notice so I don’t leave anything pending. I also reminded him that there’s no rush, the LVAD is working fine. He got angry at me and told me I just can’t understand how “annoying “ it is to deal with the batteries. I tried to remain calm and said, “You’re right. I don’t understand what you have to go through. And I get that you have to take care of yourself. But I have to take care of all 4 of us. So I’m asking you to deal with the annoyance for 6 more months so I can come up with a plan that will be best for everyone .” He got really angry and started yelling at me, saying I was being selfish, only thinking about what was more convenient for me. He asked, “Why are you trying to stop me from getting a surgery that will save my life? Do you want me to die?” I swear I felt my love and respect for him die a little. I was done being nice. I didn’t cry, I didn’t raise my voice. I simply looked at him and said, “ You’re the one who’s selfish. I can deal with you putting your needs ahead of mine. But not ahead of the needs of your children. And you’re not dying, so stop being so dramatic. You expect me to drop everything to take care of you because I’m YOUR WIFE, but it never occurred to you to include YOUR WIFE in the decision-making process. When you refused to give me a say, you refused me the respect you owe me as YOUR WIFE.” He just stood there, literally shaking with anger. His fists were clenched, his face was red and he refused to look at me. I said, “You have two choices. Either you wait 6 months so I can figure out a plan, or you find another caretaker and have your surgery whenever you want. Then after your transplant, you can either treat me with the respect you owe me or we get a divorce.” As I walked away, I added, “ And if I wanted you to die, I wouldn’t have saved your life at the park last year.” I went upstairs to our bedroom and a few minutes later, I heard him leave the house. He didn’t come home that night and has been ignoring my calls and texts. Yesterday I texted him asking him to let me know he’s ok before I report him missing. He texted back “I’m alive.” But he still hasn’t come home. I know he came by while I was at work because his LVAD stuff is gone along with some clothes and toiletries. I honestly don’t know who he is anymore. But I know my kids are heartbroken because he hasn’t even called them. I’m pretty sure my marriage is over and I keep asking myself if I overreacted, but I don’t think I did. So, am I the asshole? UPDATE: I posted this at midnight trying to get some perspective and boy, did I! It is now 8 am and my life has changed forever. Thank you to all who posted here. The supportive comments, the ones bashing me. They all have helped in some way. I’ve never been called selfish before. It was a new experience I haven’t slept at all. I’m exhausted and completely defeated. Around 5 am, I got a message on Reddit. It said, “Hi. This is Shelly, Tom’s wife. “ (Not real names). Tom is my husband’s friend from work, the one he’s always playing golf with. Shelly tells me she saw that I was on Reddit and asks if we can meet for breakfast. I explain that my kids are on winter break and we have plans. She insists saying she really needs to talk to me. My kids are sleeping, I can’t meet her. So she offers to come to my house. Shelly and I have never spent time together, even though our husbands are friends. But she keeps insisting, so I agree and I give her my address. When she gets to my house, she’s super nervous. She tells me she read my post on Reddit and she figured out it was me. I invited her inside, but she said she didn’t want to wake up the kids and asked if we could talk outside even though it’s like 50 degrees. We walked to the backyard and I lit up candles and turned on the fireplace my husband built in the backyard. She wastes no time and tells me that my husband is cheating on me with a woman he met at the gym. I’m so exhausted from the sleepless night and the emotional shredding I experienced on Reddit, that I have no reaction. She tells me she and Tom go to the same gym and Tom convinced my husband to join two months after the heart attack. If you read all or most of my posts, you’ll know that’s when he stopped spending time with his family. My husband lost a lot of weight in the hospital and his wedding ring was loose and he “didn’t want to lose it” so he stopped wearing it. Apparently, he charmed her, lied to her and started dating her. She had no idea he was married. And she was awed by the story of the heart attack and the LVAD. He conveniently left out the part where his wife administered CPR. By this point, I’m so confused and ask Shelly what she’s getting out of this. I don’t know her. Does she hate me because my husband told her about the other day? She tells me she can call “Jen” and have her come over with proof. So I agree. 10 minutes later, this perky blonde in her mid twenties with a blond ponytail gets out of a car in front of my house. Her eyes are red and swollen and she immediately starts crying and saying, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know!” She shows me her phone. Picture after picture of this girl with my husband. Some of them with their heads on pillows, mussed hair and both obviously topless. Then she moves on to the texts. And I want to throw up. Flirty, sexy, and downright x-rated messages going back and forth. Let me insert here that when we were learning about what to expect after LVAD or transplant surgery, the topic of sex came up. The person doing the teaching mentioned that it’s normal for a person’s sex drive to decrease after surgery. In some cases, ED can be an issue , most likely temporary, but everyone is different. My husband and I always had a healthy, satisfying sex life. Even after 15 years of marriage, we had sex several times a week. Sometimes every day. About a month after he came home, I tried to initiate sex and he apologized, but said he wasn’t ready. I didn’t push. I tried a couple more times and he felt bad, so I told him to not worry about it. I could wait until he was ready. 13 months later, I find out he’s been screwing his 26-year-old personal trainer. How fucking cliche! With every picture, every text, I felt like I was being stabbed in the stomach. But the blow to the heart came with a message from about 2 months ago. When he started telling her that he was ready for the transplant. He told her. Not his wife. Some of you suggested that he was terrified of his life depending on a machine. Or that his PTSD was so severe, he was afraid of dying of a complication with the LVAD. Her next text read, “ OMG baby thats awesome. You were so against it before what made you change ur mind?” (Yes, I’m petty enough to include her ridiculous grammatical errors). He replied “I’m sick and tired of this fucking bag weighing me down. It makes me look old and sick”. She said, “No it doesn’t! I don’t care about a stupid bag ur super hot”. His answer? “It gets in the way when I fuck you.” That’s when I started sobbing. Not because of the message. But because of the date. He sent her that text the day my son attempted suicide the second time. I was in the hospital ICU watching my son in a bed, wrists bandaged, blood dripping into his veins. PRAYING for God to not take my son away from me. And my “husband” was at home, supposedly taking care of my daughter and cleaning up the blood in my son’s room. Probably laying in our bed or sitting on the couch where we made out the week before and he’s sexting his girlfriend. The next day my son opened his eyes and asked for his dad. I called him and told him our boy was awake and wanted to see him. He was out of breath, told me he was walking into an early meting and he was late. That he would stop by after work. What did their text say? She sent him a picture of herself : her breasts uncovered to show a hickie the size of a grape. “I like it when the bag slaps my leg so kinky.” He replied “I wish I was there right now. I’ll stop by tomorrow on my way to work. Maybe I’ll call in sick.” She replied with peach and eggplant emojis I did throw up then. I asked her for more details about his transplant. He told her he couldn’t stand his mom, so his sister was going to take care of him. She didn’t have a husband, or children, or a life, so she could take care of him. When “Jen” offered to take care of him, he told her he didn’t want her to see him at his worst. But three days ago, he came over with an overnight bag and asked if he could stay with her. And started hinting that maybe it would be better if she takes care of him after the surgery. I turned to Shelly and asked how long she had known. It seems she saw the post and made a comment to Tom. That’s when Tom said it sounded similar to his friend’s situation and he told her everything. She started crying because when my husband was “playing golf” with Tom, Tom was “fishing” with my husband. After reading that my husband couldn’t go fishing, she realized Tom is lying to her. But she has known Jen for a long time, so she called her to tell her the truth. I asked Jen what she was going to do. In front of me, she texted my husband “You’re a lying cheating piece of shit. Don’t ever contact me again.” Her phone stated ringing immediately and she blocked him. Then she agreed to go with me when I meet with a divorce lawyer. She promised to give me all the texts and pictures and give a statement if needed. Jen apologized again and again and she and Shelly left. Shelly also promised to give a statement. After my kids had breakfast, my phone rang. I wanted to throw it in the garbage disposal, but I answered. My husband started apologizing profusely. Saying I was right. That he could wait 6 months and he wanted to come home to his family. I told him to stop by after work. So I have about 9 hours to pack up his shit and leave it outside the front door with screenshots of their text messages. He’ll have no choice but to accept his parents’ help now. And I hope to God he has the decency to try to mend his relationship with his children. That’s the only chance I’m willing to give him. I’m sorry that this was so long. I’m absolutely drained, but oddly at peace. So many things make sense. And now I’m going to take my kids to a movie. SECOND UPDATE After I told the Cheating Dick (CD) he could come over after work, I started packing up all his stuff. While clearing out his closet, I found a shoe box with some interesting items. A pink thong with what looks like dried semen, pictures of Jen, naked and asleep. I don’t know if she’s posing or he took them without her knowledge. And a nice bundle of notes she wrote him over the last 8 months. They are signed and dated. Around 1 pm I got a text from CD saying he was on his way home and asking if the kids could go to the neighbors’ so we could talk. Fortunately, the kids were already there. CD came in and walked straight to me with his arms open. I avoided him and walked around the kitchen island to stay out of his reach. He actually looked hurt. I asked why he wasn’t at work and he said he felt so terrible about the way he yelled at me the other night, he left work early to come talk to me. He said he loves me so much. He loves his family and is terrified of losing us. He knows he shouldn’t have gone behind my back to start the process of adding his name to the transplant list. He just wanted to get rid of the batteries because they are always in his way. I said, “We have had so many conversations about this in the past year. You decided you didn’t want the transplant. You decided you were going to keep the LVAD for a couple of years. Instead of going behind my back, why didn’t you come to me so we could make a plan together?” He said he thought I’d be ok with it since we’ve done it before. Bull. We’ve never made major decisions without talking it through. Or at least I haven’t. I told him. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. In the past couple of days, I’ve realized that we want very different things in the future. I have sensed a major shift in our relationship and I honestly don’t believe our marriage can be saved.” I waited a few seconds, but he didn’t say anything “I found a petition for divorce form online and I would like us to go over it and try to agree on stuff. That way we can avoid expensive lawyers.” He went from looking contrite to furious. He started yelling at me saying, “If you think you can get rid of me, you are out of your fcking mind!” I reminded him that he just apologized for yelling at me and now he was doing it again. He continued yelling “Fck that! And f*ck you! What about our vows? What about ‘in sickness and in health’?” I looked at him and asked “What about ‘forsaking all others’? Who broke their vows first?” The look on his face would have been funny if I wasn’t so scared of him. He called me a bitch and stormed out of the house. Before this week, he had never yelled at me, never directed profanities at me, never called me names. I tried to calm down so the kids wouldn’t see me upset when they came back. About 30 minutes after CD left, I got a message from Shelly. She said Jen really needed to talk to me and gave me both their cell numbers. I called Jen. She was crying and told me CD came to her apartment and was begging her to open the door so they could talk. He said he loves her, apologized for lying to her about being married, but swore that his marriage was over long ago and the only reason he stayed married to me was for the kids. When he saw that she wasn’t budging, he started sobbing uncontrollably and asked her for another chance. He told her he’s filing for divorce on Monday so they can get married once it’s final. Jen told him she can’t trust anything he says. How can you tell someone you love them and lie to them for months? She asked him to leave. He asked if he can call her. She said no. She’s telling me all of this while on her way out the door. I can hear a whispered “What. The. F*ck!” I asked her what was wrong and she said CD was sitting in his car crying. I stayed on the phone with her until she got into her car and drove away. I took the kids to dinner and we had a great time. When we got home, they wanted to read, so they went to their rooms. I got a big glass of wine and sat down with my own book. I got a text from Jen saying CD approached her at the gym and went from “Please baby, give me another chance” to “Are you flirting with that f*cker to make me jealous?” Jen admitted that she’s scared of him and is thinking about getting a restraining order. She’s going to unblock his number so she can have more proof of his harassment. Around 8:45 CD came over again and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw all the moving boxes. He looked at me and said, “where do you think you’re going?” I thought that was hilarious! I told him that was his stuff, not mine. I told him our marriage was over and since he took some of his stuff a few days ago when he walked out, he could go ahead and take the rest. He said he was staying here. I said, “where did you stay the past few days?” He answered, “At Tom’s.” I looked at him and said “Stop lying!!! We both know you were with your girlfriend.” He swears he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. He loves me and wants to fix our marriage. I said “I thought you were only with me for the kids and plan to file for divorce on Monday” He asked me who told me that. I said “Obviously Jen”. He went still and pale and asked “Who’s Jen?” I sighed and said “I’m done. I’m so tired of your lies. I want a divorce. I want us to sit down and talk and agree on who gets what. I want to work out a schedule for the kids without going to court. But most of all, I want you out of the house and out of my face.” He snorted. The mother fcker SNORTED!!!! And says, “Why should I make it easy for you?” I grabbed my phone and showed him a picture of the contents of his shoebox. “Because if we go to court, I’m pretty sure you’d be screwed.” He looked defeated and all he managed to say was, “what about my transplant?” I told him his transplant is none of my business and to call his parents who are amazing people eager to help him. And just when I think he can’t get any douchier , he tells me I can keep the house if I help him through his recovery. I told him to get the fck out of my house before I throw his boxes in the front lawn and set them on fire. FINALLY he left I’m sitting here nauseated, angry, hurt, wondering how I’m going to get through a lifetime of dealing with him for the sake of my children. And wondering if he really did change or he’s been like this all along. And I’m so angry at myself because I know I’m going to cry myself to sleep over a pathetic a-hole who doesn’t deserve my tears. FINAL UPDATE: It’s been a crazy few days. So much has happened!!! I’ve been calling my soon-to-be ex the Cheating Dick, but that’s too long so I’ll just call him Dick. Very appropriate, I think. The day after Dick offered me the house in exchange for being his nurse for three months, he sent me a text (this would be Saturday 12/23). Asking if we could talk. I told him yes as long as he doesn’t yell at me and he spends some time with the kids. He agreed. I told the kids daddy was coming over and that I was going to get some coffee while they hung out. When Dick got there, he seemed genuinely happy to see the kids, but my son asked if he could go with me instead. I asked him why he wanted to go with me. He said, “Please. I’d rather not stay.” Then my daughter said she didn’t want to stay without her brother. Dick got mad and sent them to their room so he and I could talk. Once again, he went from apologetic to angry, to distraught to cruel. I tried to be calm and I told him I really think he needs someone to talk to (I didn’t want to use the word “therapy”). I pointed out that the last year has been traumatic and stressful and he needed more support than I alone can provide. He said he’ll go to therapy if I agree to be his caretaker. But he would only agree to see a marriage therapist. I said no. Our marriage is over and no amount of therapy will change my mind. Also, the only thing I’m willing to negotiate is the terms of the divorce. We went back and forth. He said he will never agree to a divorce. I said he doesn’t have a choice. He said he would fight me for full custody. I said he can try, but I don’t think he’ll win. Then he said. “If you agree to be my caretaker, I will sign the divorce papers, give you the house and full custody of the kids. “ I wanted to yank our wedding pictures off the wall and break them on his head. I said, “If you really mean that, put it in writing.” He left without saying bye to the kids. On Christmas Eve, I tried my best to continue with our family traditions. My son seems better. We baked cookies and he helped me clean the kitchen. He started talking about how excited he is about starting high school next year. If you haven’t been around a suicidal teen, you have no idea how HUGE this is. My son is talking about the future like he actually plans to be here!” I wanted to cry. Just sit in the middle of the kitchen and bawl like a baby. We had a wonderful Christmas Eve drinking hot chocolate and watching Arthur Christmas. Dick texted me to ask if he could come over the next day to exchange gifts with the kids. My son said ok as long as I don’t leave the house. I relayed that information to Dick and he agreed. Christmas morning was awesome. My kids gave me a necklace with a see-through locket-type pendant with charms inside: A house, a car, two cats and stick figures of a boy and a girl with my kids’ birthstones. I love it! We went to church and dropped cookies off at the police station and fire department. Dick came over in the afternoon. It was ok. I had already bought Dick a gift, so I told him he could have it. After the kids opened their gifts, Dick said he needed to go to his den to get my gift. I told him he could go get it, but I didn’t want it. He came back with it and said, “Trust me. You want this. It’s big, so it’s a Christmas/birthday gift.” I opened it because my kids seemed to know what it was and they were really excited. And screw that bastard to hell and back because he gave me something I’m going to have a REALLY hard time refusing: A trip to Vegas in February and 2 tickets to the Super Bowl!! He knows my team has an excellent chance of making it to the Super Bowl this season. He also knows that the thing I love the most after my family, friends and pets is my football team. And I know that he’s going to insist on going with me. Afterwards we talked some more and I told him I’m really worried about him. His mood swings are so severe that he’s making people afraid, including his kids. He said he knows. That he’s starting to scare himself. I told him I don’t understand why he won’t let his mom help. He said he got it into his head that I’m his wife, so I should be the one taking care of him. I asked him if he would reconsider letting his parents help. He said, “What if we wait the 6 months you asked for? Then when your sister comes to stay with the kids, you can go with me. Meanwhile we can see a marriage therapist.” I really don’t know how to make him understand that I’m not going to change my mind about the divorce. I said, “Remember before we got married, we talked about how many kids we wanted, we picked baby names and we agreed that our marriage could survive anything. Except two things. Do you remember that?” He didn’t say anything, so I continued. “I told you I could forgive anything except any kind of abuse towards myself or my kids. And infidelity. You felt the same way.” He went to say good night to the kids. They all came back and the kids asked if dad could spend the night. I didn’t have the heart to say no, but I made it clear he would stay in the guest room. He came to my room at night and tried to talk himself into our bed. Hell no! I asked him to leave and locked myself in. The next day (yesterday) he left for work and made a comment like “I’ll see you at dinner.” I reminded him the overnight stay was a one-time thing and he had to find another place to stay. I had a super busy day. The first thing I did was leave a message for Dick’s social worker at the hospital and another for a local divorce attorney asking for an appointment ASAP. My kids went over to the neighbors’ house while I went with Jen to the courthouse to file a restraining order. She’ll be notified of the hearing date by mail. I called Shelly to see how things are going. She and Tom are “working stuff out” and she’s staying with him. Best of luck to her. Then I went home and picked up my son for his therapy appointment. I asked for 5 minutes before their sessions started. I told the therapist almost everything that’s happened. I asked him for the best way to tell my kids what’s going on in an age-appropriate way. He said to tell them the truth without going into details and to let them ask questions. He called my son into the room and asked him, “Can I tell your mom some of what you’ve shared with me regarding your dad?” My heart sank. My son said, “I’ll tell her.” He turns to me and starts telling me that he has overheard his dad talking to another woman. That the conversations are inappropriate and he has to make sure his sister is distracted while dad is on the phone, but he thinks she knows because sometimes she gets really sad and asks if daddy is on the phone again. He looked to his therapist for support, I guess because he kept going. “The last time we spent time with dad, he took us to the skateboarding park and then spent the entire time talking to a lady. When I came close I heard him say we were his niece and nephew. I asked him why he said that and he told me I heard him wrong. But I didn’t like the way he was talking to her.” I thanked him for telling me. I stepped out and let them continue with their session. On our way home, I stopped at the hardware store for a dead bolt. Of course, when Dick tried to get in and couldn’t, he threw a fit. He started kicking the door. I told him he was scaring the kids and I would have to call the cops. He left. About an hour later, I got a call from Jen saying Dick showed up at her place again to continue begging. At this point I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do about this and I kind of wish she would leave me out of it. I told her to not open the door and to call the police if he doesn’t leave. I called my home security company to ask about getting copies of any recordings from our doorbell and living room cameras in case I need them for court. Today I talked to the social worker. She told me Dick revoked my Release of Information so they can’t talk to me about his medical information . I said that’s fine. I told her about his extreme mood shifts, and that I would not be his caretaker. I told her I’m really worried about him because he’s acting completely out of character. She said she would schedule an appointment with him to see what’s going on. I was also able to meet with a lawyer (she made time for me during her lunch hour). I’m going to file a restraining order. And if Dick gets violent again, I will call the cops and ask for a psychiatric hold. The police might not do it, but at least the police report would show that I requested one. I took my daughter to her first therapy session and told her therapist what’s going on. She told me she s going to communicate with my son’s therapist so they’re on the same page. (They work for the same behavioral health center) I called my in-laws and told them everything. They said they’ve been worried about him , but they figured it was nerves because he was about to get his transplant. But now they know he’s been lying. They’re coming to California to try to help. I’m not sure what they can do, but at the very least I’m hoping they can take over dealing with his BS. I had a talk with my kids. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I explained to them that their dad and I don’t get along anymore and we’re getting a divorce. My daughter started crying and asked if it was because of the other ladies. I told her that’s part of it, but daddy also went through something very traumatic last year and he hasn’t been the same. He needs time to recover and decide if he wants to go back to the way he was before. She asked me if he would come back home if he gets better and I said no. My son said he’s scared of his dad and doesn’t want to live with him. My daughter said the same. She also thinks it’s her fault for not telling me about the other ladies. So, that’s another topic for her therapist. I told her it’s absolutely not their fault. Whatever goes wrong between two married people is their fault alone. She asked what I did wrong and I told her it took me too long to realize how much daddy had changed and I didn’t help him sooner. My son asked if we could move back east so we could be close to family. I told him we need to stay here for now so they can be close to daddy. But we’ll talk about it again in a few months. So, I’m filing for divorce and I’m asking for full custody for the time being. Once Dick agrees to therapy and starts making some progress, we can revisit the custody agreement. I’m going to look for a smaller house for the kids and me. Dick loves this house, so he can keep it or we can sell it. I really don’t care. I’m strangely numb. I found a therapist for myself, I start next week. I’m glad I’ll have someone who can help me through this. Anyway, I think that about covers it. What a roller coaster this has been. I wasn’t going to add this last update, but I figured since I dragged you into this drama, even if it’s online, I owed it to you to tell you what’s going on. Thank you for the support. It has helped more than you can possibly know. **Reminder - I am not the OOP (Original Original Poster).** submitted by /u/G1Gestalt to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/ThrowRAsisterseye Originally posted to r/relationship_advice and r/AITAH My, 28f, fiancee 29m, wants me to put his family before mine, even at the expense of my families health. Trigger Warnings: medical surgery, controlling behavior, attempted extortion, verbal abuse, possible stalking mentions physical abuse of a child, misogyny, emotional abuse and manipulation   Original Post - Oct 25, 2023 Throwaway as my work friends are on my main and they dont know this is foing on. Also, obligatory that this is on mobile so spelling and grammar will be poo. This is a long one, but I'll try and keep it as short as possible. I, 28f got engaged to my partner of 7 years R, 29m in May. Both sides of our family were really happy about this and we had a big family meal 2 weeks after getting engaged. His brother lives 250 miles away and couldn't get here for that meal so we decided to have a meal just for his family in late June when his brother would be back for the weekend, this weekend was arranged long before we got engaged so he wasn't back just for the meal. Earlier this year my sister K 32f, got a serious eye infection that very quickly turned into an Ulcer, which scarred her cornea and left it at a high risk of a perforation. She needed a corneal graft, but her surgeon was away for 4 weeks so she was going to have to wait until he got back to have it. However, her eye didn't hold and it perforated the day I was supposed to be going to the family meal with Rs brother. K's wife was at work and had her phone turned off and our mum was away with our step dad, so when K called me to let me know what was happening I knew she would be at the hospital on her own. I immediately talked to my boss and he let me go early so K wasn't on her own. I text R to let him know what was going on and he text me back to send K his love and to remind me about the meal that night. I ignored the comment about the meal as it was the last thing on my mind. Once I got to the hospitaI, I was taken back into a room where K was, to be greeted by 3 doctors and 2 nurses rushing around trying to help K. I was then informed that she needed to have an emergency operation to have her eye glued or else she would lose it. The problem was that they didn't have a surgeon at that hospitaI that could do it and she needed to go to another hospital and hour and a half away. They asked if she would need transportation or if I could take her, I said I would take her. Once we got to the other hospitaI we were told that she would be having the operation at 5:30pm. I knew then that I wouldn't make the dinner and text R to let him know. He flipped out and basically told me to leave K at the hospital and have her wife pick her up after the op was done, at this point I still hadn't be able to get ahold of K's wife. I told him that wasn't going to happen and that he was out of order to even ask me to do that. I then text his mum and told her what was going on. She was really supportive and told me to stay with K and let her know how the op goes. A dinner can be rescheduled, K's health can't. I also spoke with his brother who was equally as understanding. I stayed with K, her operation was a sucess and I got her back home about 9pm. Her wife had ordered some Chinese and offered me some, which I happily accepted as I hadn't eaten since lunch. With that I didn't get home till about 11pm ans R was already asleep. R was very short with me for days after and we eneded up having a huge fight where he told me that I should have put his brother and family before K. He said he was embarrassed going to the meal without me. I responded that I was embarrassed he though I would put a meal before my sisters health. This led to another week of awkwardness between us before we finally sat down and we sorted it out, or so I thought. 8 weeks ago K got her graft and so far everything is going really well with it. On Saturday his brother was here so we went out for dinner with his family. His family were all asking about how K was doing and I showed them a picture of the stitches in her eye. I thought that everything had gone really well untill we got home and he got really angry saying that I shouldn't have brought up K's health issues and I shouldn't have shown them the picture. I argued that they'd asked about her and asked to see the picture. It ended with him telling me that I needed to put him and his family before K or else we weren't going to work. His family will come before mine once we are married so I should get used to it. I went upstairs and packed a bag. I'm now at my mums house and he's been bombarding me with text and calls since I left. I do love him, but I will never put his family above my own families health. I feel like he's expecting me to spend every holiday with his family and put their wants above my familes needs, which won't happen. I'm very close to my sister and my mum, that's not going to change. So I don't really know how to move forward or if I even want to Has anyone experience anything like this before? If so, how did you deal with it? TLDR; My fiancee got mad that I missed a dinner with his family because my sister needed emergency surgery and I was the only one available to take her. He is now insisting that I put his family before my own. I dont know how to move forward with him. Edit; For some reason it won't let me do a full Update post even on my own page so I'm just going to add it to here. Thank you so much for everyone that commented, I replied to as many as I could but I read all of them. Warning, this is going to be longer than the original post, alot has happened. Tldr; For thoes that just want a quick update, I left him and he's out of my house. His mum is seriously pissed at him and his brother has gone no contact with him for the foreseeable future. For thoes that want a longer version. Once I'd decided to end things with him, I knew that the main issue would be getting him out of my house. I own the house outright, my grandma died 5 years ago and left her house to my mum, who sold it and split the money between me and my sister. I then bought my house with that money about a year after she died. I got intouch with my stepdads friend, who is a landlord the day after I wrote my original post, who then put me intouch with his solicitor. He didn't have time to see me in person that day, but we did have a phone call where he gave me my options. In the UK we have something called a section 8 notice. This is a 14 day eviction notice and the solicitor said this would be the quickest way to get him out, however he could try and contest it if he wanted too which would lead to court dates and could take months. I asked him to draw up the notice and date it for Friday, the next day. I'd already made the decision to end things with him after work on Friday, so that he could have the weekend to sort through his emotions before work on Monday. On Friday morning I text R and asked him to meet with me at our local pub after work. He quickly agreed. Not only is the pub a public space, but my stepdad and a few of his work friends go in there every Friday after work for a few pints so I knew he would be there to step in if I needed him. Thank you for suggesting this redditors. I also picked up the eviction notice on my lunch break so I was ready to give it to him. Cost £250 but was worth it. When I got to the pub, R was already there and my stepdad was stood at the bar with his work mates. I sat down with R and got straight to the point. I told him that it was over, I couldn't be with someone who didn't give me any support when I was going through one of the scariest moments of my life and expected me to drop my family for his. It didn't matter what excuses he could come up with, I wasn't interested, I'd made up my mind and we were done. He stared at me in shock for what felt like and hour, but was probably only a minute or so. He then started saying I couldn't be serious, we'd been together for 7 years and I was throwing it all away, I could never find another guy like him. I responded to the last comment with, I dont want a guy like you that's why I'm ending it. I need someone who's will support me when times get tough, not get annoyed that the world isn't bowing down to what he wants. I then handed him an envelope with the eviction notice in and my engagement ring. I told him I was giving him a few weeks to find a place and be out of my house. Then I stood up and walked over to my stepdad, who had bought me a much needed drink and stayed with him until my ex left still looking in shock. I knew he wouldn't approach me whilst I was with my stepdad as he has always been a little scared of him. This is obviously a very condensed version of what happened. Once I got back to my mum's house, I had a 1 single text from him saying he wasn't moving out and was going to contest the eviction until I'd come to my senses and got back with him. WE ARE NOT OVER, was how he ended the text. I just turned my phone off and decided to deal with the legal side of things on Monday, there was nothing else I could do. Saturday morning I woke up and turned my phone back on and had another text from him saying that he would move out if I paid him £10,000 as that's what he'd paid towards bills whilst he had lived at the house. He paid for half the electric, gas, WiFi and Sky package. Note, the sky package is only as expensive as it is because he has to have every sports channel known to man, so his half literally just paid for the sports channel's. I'd already asked the solicitor about this though and he'd assured me that I didn't owe him any money as he hadn't contributed to a mortgage or any renovations of the house, it was just general expenses. He also knew that I dont have £10,000 just lying around. Lets say I was irritated by this and decided to ring his mum to see if she could talk some sense into him. I'll call his mum S to make it easier. She was appalled by what I told her and said she would speak to him. She called me back about an hour later and asked me to meet her at the house. R was on an away day to watch his football team play and wouldn't be back till about 10pm so I knew he wasn't there. I met her at the house with K, and S said that R's brother was on his way back home and they would have R out by the following afternoon. She hadn't even spoken to R, just his brother, but she promised he would be out. S then asked me to walked her through the house showing her exactly what was his and what wasnt so he didn't take anything that didnt belong to him. The next morning I got a text from R calling me all the names under the sun for getting his mum and brother involved. I blocked him and a couple of hours later S text me to let me know he was out and staying with her. I thanked her and she told me that she would like to stay in contact and I happily agreed to this. I went back to my house after work on Monday, changed the alarm code and my stepdad changed all the locks for me. My stepdad is also arranging for a friend of his to install cameras around the outside of the house, this will be done over the weekend. S rang me on Tuesday asking if we could meet up as she had some things she wanted me to know. So we met for lunch that day. It was at this time that she told me her ex was a controlling ahole who was incredibly selfish and the selfishness was what she had seen in R for so long. Thats why she had commented on him being like his father, but she had hoped that was the extent of R's attitude and he hadnt picked up his dad's controlling behaviour, which to be fair, he hadnt up until this whole episode. She had left R's dad after he had punched R's brother in the face when he was 14 and R was 10. He had never layed a hand on her or their sons before, but one time was enough and she left with the boys. To her knowledge her ex had never reached out to speak to R or his brother and they hadn't spoken to their father in years. I didn't know any of this, all I had been told was that their dad wasnt in the picture and hadn't been for a long time, but S had thought I knew and that's why she hadn't told me before. However she had found out on Sunday night that R was back in contact with his father and had been for the past year. His dad had been putting lots of thoughts into R's head about how he is the man of the house and his family is all that matters. This had fed into R's selfish tendencies and had amplified them ten fold. S said that she had told him to find somewhere else to stay asap as she couldn't even look him in the face. Then R and his brother had a huge argument that ended with his brother telling him that as long as R is intouch with their dad, then he will have zero contact with him. Even going so far as to tell him to spend Christmas with their dad because S is going to his house and R isn't welcome. When S took R's brothers side in all this, R flew into a rage and said he would move in with his dad. He then left the house, but came back a couple of hours later looking like hed been crying. Turns out, that his dad doesnt want him living with him and basically said he could be on the streets for all he cares, he's not putting a roof over a grown man's head. S thinks that R is now starting to realise everything he has lost due to him listening to his dad and has seen his dad's true colours. S is incredibly disappointed in him, but he's her son so she is trying to be there for him as best as she can, however she still wants him out as she doesn't trust him anymore. His brother still won't have anything to do with him. She has also told him to stay the hell away from me as I don't need to be brought into this and he has promised her that he will. Only time will tell if that's true, but I do have him blocked on everything and if he turns upto the house I will just call the police to get rid of him. The more S told me about what had been going ok behind my back, the more resolute I have become about wanting nothing to do with him. I never want to see him again, if I can help it. So all in all R's life is a shit show, but as long as he stays away from me then I don't care. I've been spending alot of time with my sister and her wife as well and my mum and stepdad which has been great. I've never really been close to my stepdad, but this has brought us alot closer together which has been one huge positive out of all this. I'm not exactly happy right now, but I'll get there. There's still alot of feelings that I need to unpackand it will take time to move on from this whole situation. I dont think I will be dating for a while, I need to really get over all this and don't want to dump this on anyone else right now. For all thoes asking how K is doing, she's doing great. Had a hospital appointment on Monday and her consultant said her eye is healing, in his words, marvelously, so that's a relief. Thank you to everyone that reached out to me. I hope there won't be any need to update this again, so this should be my final update.   RELEVANT COMMENTS BriefHorror: You did exactly what you should I'm revolted by his behavior and you should call his mother and tell her what he said and why you're cancelling the wedding. Lost deposit costs are less than what divorce costs. OP: We haven't booked anything yet for the wedding. So that isn't an issue. The only issue would be a pain would be the house, as it's in my name, but with him loving there for so long, I may have to pay him off. I'm not 100% sure how that would work, though.   For telling my ex that it's not my fault that he's homeless. - Nov 26, 2023 So I 28f posted on relationship advice before about my now ex 29m. The post and update is in my profile, but basically my ex fiance wanted me to put his family before mine even at the cost of my sisters health. I ended up breaking up with him over it and he was forced to move in with his mum, who then found out that he had been intouch with his abusive dad who was twisting his view on how a relationship should work. Last I heard was that his mum was kicking him out as she would not have anyone in her house that was in contact with her ex and that he had tried to go live with his dad, but his dad had refused. I was completely NC with him, so his mum was the one that had told me this. I'll call my ex R and exs mum S to make things easier. I hadn't heard from R in weeks, but yesterday he showed up at my house. I had the chain on my door so opened it with that still attached, no way would I let him in. He basically told me that he had no where to live. His mum isn't speaking to him and his dad won't put a roof over a grown man's head, his words not mine. He asked if I would take him back or at least let him live with me. No way in hell would I get back with him and getting him out the first time only went easy because his mum stepped in to help. He had threatened to take me to court knowing that if he did it could take months to get him out and then said he would only move if I gave him £10,000. I contacted his mum, who was furious about that and she turned up with his brother and forced him out. I told him that there was zero possibility of him ever living with me again and that we were 100% over. He started shouting at me and calling me all sorts of names, so I threatened to call the police if he didn't leave and shut the door. I have cameras all over my house so I caught everything he did and said on camera and have saved it to a USB just incase. He then went crying to all our mutual friends and it managed to get back to his mum. She called me and asked what happened, I told her and she then informed me that she had put her house up for sale and was moving 300 miles away to be nearer her other son. Her and R had a huge argument about this and she finally kicked him out. Since then he's been couch surfing, but with Christmas coming up, his friends aren't really happy with having him on their couches when they have kids and are meant to be enjoying the festive season. He's been kicked out of 3 friends houses in 10 days. She told me I was right to refuse him, but I've since had other friends say that they feel sorry for them, and that I can just let him stay in my spare room until he's back on his feet. I then asked them to put him up, but they said they would but don't have room and if they had a spare room like me then they would let him stay. My family and his are on my side, but I'm starting to doubt myself with what a couple of my friends have said. So Reddit, AITA? EDIT; Just a quick edit as I'm going to bed. I've just spoken with the wife of one of R's friends and she's asked to meet me on my lunch break tomorrow. Apparently, R stayed with them for 2 nights before she kicked him out and there's more going on than what I know of. She's going to tell me the full story tomorrow, but told me that I shouldn't let him anywhere near me and that he's staying in a b&b so he does at least have a roof over his head right now. I'll try and update after I've spoken to her.   professorfunkenpunk: I think it’s telling that nobody in his family wants to deal with him. That’s a pretty good sign you shouldn’t either. NTA OP: He was really close to his family until a few months ago. His dad was abusive to his mum and brother so they refuse to have anything to do with him or anyone that's in contact with him. Since they found out that R is back in contact with him, they've basically shut him out. I get the feeling that he's starting to turn into his dad and that's something that his family refuse to have around them. His brother has gone full no contact with him. Its Rs own fault at the end of the day, so I have very little sympathy for him in that regard. Chemical-Scarcity964: NTA. You are lucky you got out when you did. File for a restraining order (not sure if it's called the same in the UK) as soon as possible. OP: Restraining orders here are ridiculously hard to get. There usually has to be violence involved for one to be issued. I am going to make sure I log everything from now on though.   Update - Nov 27, 2023 So I posted yesterday about my ex turning up at my house wanting for me to let him move back in with me. I said no, but a couple of friends thought I should let him and that messed with my head. R is my ex. A few people told me to change my lock etc. I did that and changed my alarm code as well as my step dad got his friend to put up 4 cameras around my house. I'm also going to start shutting the gate so that no one can walk upto the house without ringing the bell there first. I put in an Edit that I was going to me meeting with one of Rs friends wives, for lunch today and I have to say that it was informative for sure. I'll call her N, 30f and her husband Z, 29m. So I went to meet her on my lunch break at a cafe near my work. It's a place that alot of my coworkers go to and I know the staff there as well. A few redditors thought that she might bring R with her so I wanted it to be somewhere I feel comfortable and have back up if needed. Turns out that I didn't need to bother about that. When I got to the Cafe N was there on her own. I grabbed some lunch and a drink and sat with her. We went throught the usual small talk before she started telling me what had been going on. R rang Z on Thursday morning saying he had no where to go and could he stay with them for a few days. Z spoke to N and they agree he could stay in their guest room. R went to their house after work and they had a long talk where R told them he has a flat lined up, but can't move in till January. Z and N agreed to let him live with them untill January as long as he followed some basic rules and paid for his own food. The rules were things like, no bringing women back there and if he went out drinking he had to be quiet when he got back so he didn't wake their daughter who's 6. He agreed to all this and paid for a Chinese for them all that night. The next day after work R went to meet his dad in the pub for a few pints. When Z and N went to bed R still wasn't home. They were woken up at about 2 in the morning by R arguing with a woman. Apparently, R had met this woman in a bar, took her back to Z and N house, got his pleasure and then told her to get dressed and fuck off once he was done. She had gotten angry, which started an argument where R was saying some horrific shit to her. N took the woman down stairs and got her a taxi, whilst Z stayed upstairs arguing with R. Once N had got rid of the woman she went back upstairs and tried to calm Z and R down. At this point R decided to take out his frustrations on N, calling her a bitch and telling her to do something useful and make him a sandwich before bursting out laughing like he'd made he funniest joke ever. This made Z lost it and pinned R to the wall by his throat. Side note, R isn't a fighter at all where as Z was a amateur boxer in his youth and can handle himself well. N managed to get Z to let him go and R was shoved in the guest room and told to sleep off he alcohol. Its a miracle that Ns daughter didn't wake up during this. The next morning N got their daughter ready and went to her mums after telling Z to get R out of their house. Z agreed and after N left he woke R up and told him to pack his shit and leave. R tried to apologise and begged to stay but Z was having none of it and kicked him out. Going off the timing, I think he left there and came straight to my house. On Sunday Z text R to meet up so that they could speak and they met up in a pub. Z has been friends with R since they were 11 and has never seen him act like he has been doing so he wanted to find out what was really going on. He managed to finally get the truth out of R. Basically, R has been in contact with his dad for a lot longer than he told us, by this point its over 2 years. His dad is a raging misogynist that believes a woman's place is in the kitchen and bedroom. A man's place is to rule the house and be waited on hand a foot as well as deciding who can ans can't be in their lives. He's been dripping this poison into Rs ear and it's really taken a hold of him. Z told N that he just doesn't recognise R anymore. R wants to start living his life the way his father has told him he should. When Z pointed out that Rs dad is 62, living in a shitty one bedroom flat, not had a real relationship since Rs mum left him, has no friends, his family doesn't speak to him and that he's the type of guy that when he walks into a pub people finish their pints so they can leave and get away from him, R was furious. He told Z that his dad is just misunderstood. Z responded that people understood his dad and that's why they stayed away from him, he's Toxic. This pretty much ended their conversation and R left. Z did find out that R does have a flat lined up for January, so that was true and that he's found a b&b he can stay in till the flat is ready at a minimal cost. Z and N have also decided to go NC with R as they don't need that toxicity around them, but especially not around their daughter. A few redditors had said it sounded like R was on drugs, so I asked N what she thought and she doesn't think so but can't be sure. She and Z think that R is just so far under his dad's thumb now that he's completely changed as a person. He believes that everything his dad says is gospel. She did let me know that R has a burner IG account that he is using to check on my IG and I immediately made my account private. He had said something about seeing me waist money on a stupid amount of Christmas presents when I couldn't even help him out to Z on Sunday. I'd been to a Christmas Market on Saturday afternoon and had posted pics on IG. All of this just made my resolve stronger that he will not be getting anywhere near my house again. It also made me realise that I dont have any feeling for him any more other than frustration at how he's acting and some sadness at how far he's fallen from the man I once knew. I thought that hearing he had another woman in his bed would annoy me, but there was just nothing, I couldn't have cared less. I thanked N for the info and we agreed to keep intouch. We won't be as close as we were when I was with R but it feels good to have someone who knows the entire situation and has seen Rs behaviour with his own eyes. There were also some redditors that told me to ditch the friends that had told me to let him stay with me. Unfortunately, I can't ditch them completely as they're part of the friend group and that would just cause unnecessary drama, but I will be keeping my distance from them and only talking to them when part of the group. I'm currently at my sisters and we are going to watch a Christmas film to get us in the mood to decorate all our house's this weekend, so I will be on and off for the next few hours if anyone has any questions. Thanks for the votes and giving me some perspective. Reddit isn't all bad.   RELEVANT COMMENTS PuddleLilacAgain: The misogyny and abuse probably runs in R's family. I wonder if on some level, the son adopts the ways of the father so he will be accepted and loved. R's father is probably not capable of love, so if the son acts horribly and is given praise for it, he might misinterpret it as love and finally figures he's getting his father's approval. Just a theory. Who knows what actually goes on in these sick families. Sad... OP: I was talking about this to my sister before, and she said that she thinks he's behaving like he is to get some sort of validation from his dad. I knew that he missed having a dad growing up as we had talked about our shared experience of that, so you are probably right in this regard. I just know that one day he will wake up and realise everything he's lost because of his and his dads actions. I also don't think it helps that he wasn't abused by his dad, his mum and elder brother protected him from it, so his memories of his dad from his younger years are largely positive.   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/IzHipToBeSquare to r/2westerneurope4u [link] [comments]

Edit: poc stands for piece of crap in this story. I forgot about the other definition and am unable to edit the title. Many apologies. So my wife and I went to a summer beach party and took our six year old daughter with us. Six year old is a strong swimmer and knows not to get into the water without alerting us, so although we were watching her, we weren't hovering over her. She was making a drip castle by the edge of the water. I was playing football with some guys a fair distance from the group (so we didn't hit anyone with the ball). My wife was hanging out with her family. All of a sudden we hear screaming. I run to the water and see my BiL pulling my nephew, a two year old boy, from the water. He was gasping and crying. He'd wandered into the water and been knocked over by a wave. SiL started screaming at MY DAUGHTER (?!?!?!) saying that she'd told her to watch him and calling her a selfish brat and a spoiled little witch and other things. I got so mad. I told my SiL that my daughter is six and not old enough to be responsible for a child. I said she was a worthless piece of crap for not minding her kid. My wife had to grab our daughter and then drag me off because I was hopping mad. Some think I was right, but others are saying it's ridiculous to expect a woman who almost lost her child to be rational and I way overreacted. Should I have been more understanding? Nephew is alright, BTW. He didn't inhale any water or need to go to hospital. submitted by /u/Available-Context-77 to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/a9n9a to r/CasualUK [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/samacora to r/Patriots [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/zeek247 to r/IASIP [link] [comments]

Part I || Part II || Final I was young when I realized that the place I lived was special. I didn’t realize it at first, since I had lived there my whole life. I thought it was normal for a city to not allow pets. I grew up never hearing the sounds of barking dogs, or hissing cats. No one that lived inside the city border was allowed to have them. I thought it was normal for cities to have mandatory blood testing every week, with no explanation or seemingly any reason. I thought it was normal for cities to not have any jails. I thought it was normal for cities to give their citizens soulmates. I never really understood how it worked. All that we were told was that there were the Matchmakers, who were responsible for making the matches, and sending out the tiny slips of paper that determined each citizen’s love life, and future. No one ever saw the Matchmakers. No one knew how they were recruited, no one knew how they worked. All anyone knew was that it worked. Where I lived, there has never been a filing for divorce. The Matchmakers are never wrong. Each citizen received their paper on their 18th birthday. Inside the piece of paper, there was nothing except a name. The name of your supposed soulmate. There was no telling how you would come across this person, no when or how. All anyone knew was that it would eventually happen. We were allowed to tell other people, allowed to ask around, try and seek out people that had the same name as the one on the paper, but it didn’t matter. It couldn’t be forced. Of course, literal eternal love and happiness does not come without rules. Every citizen had to follow the Rules. They weren’t too strange, and seemed like a small price to pay for what you were getting in return. Most of the rules were simple. To name a few, there was no going outside, under any circumstances, after 2am. No pets, blood tests, etc. There were also rules that we weren’t allowed to know until we were older. We got the new rules on our 18th birthday, the same day we got our Matchmaker paper. We called them Slips. As I got older, I realized that our city was special, and that other cities didn’t have what we had, but I didn't care. Life was good, life seemed simple. Our city was like a little paradise. It was happy. It was without issue. || It was the night before my 18th birthday, and I couldn’t sleep. This was to be expected, since knowing that the next morning, you would know the name of your literal soulmate was enough to keep anyone up late. Usually, I wouldn’t have believed in such things like soulmates, especially as I got older, but it was hard to argue with evidence. My parents had gotten married in their late 20s, and have stayed happily married ever since, both of their names matching what was on their Slips. My older sister Katlin got her Slip last year, and though she’s been through her fair share of failed relationships, she’s currently in a happy one with some guy named Roger. I don’t think I need to tell you the name that was on her Slip. I wished Katlin still lived with us. We used to share a room, but ever since she moved out, it feels empty with just me in it. By some miracle, I eventually fell asleep, my brain finally exhausted after hours of wondering what tomorrow was going to bring. I woke up the next morning, my arm groping for my alarm to turn it off, just like any other day. It wasn’t until I sleepily sat up that I realised that today wasn’t like any other day. I swung my legs out of bed, my heart pounding in my chest as I tried to compose myself. I wanted to pull on a shirt and shorts as fast as possible, rush to the kitchen to get the envelope I knew would be addressed to me, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to be one of those people who’s entire lives suddenly revolved around trying to find their soulmate. I needed to be calm. Taking a few even breaths, I slowly put on a shirt and some basketball shorts, before opening my door. Chatter, and the smell of waffles hit my senses instantly as I stepped out of my room. Turning the corner, I stopped, grinning. “Katlin!” I said, unable to contain my excitement at seeing her. Reaching her in a few short steps, I wrapped my arms around her in a hug, to which she enthusiastically returned. “What are you doing here?” I said, pulling myself away to look at her. “Aw, you seriously thought I would miss your birthday? Get real.” She said, matching my grin as she looked at me. “Damn you got tall.” She said, looking at me. “He got it from his old man.” My dad chimed in, and Katlin rolled her eyes. Besides my height, I got a lot from my dad. I got his warm brown eyes, and I got his wavy, dirty blonde hair that I had always kept medium-length. I looked so much like my dad that my mom always chimed in saying how I got her nose and smile. “Happy birthday hon.” My mom said from the counter, giving me a soft smile. “These are almost done, and we’ll go out for your birthday dinner later tonight.” She said, gesturing at the waffles, and I smiled. “Birthday waffles for the birthday boy.” My dad chimed in, putting an arm around my mom, and the simple movement made me remember something I forgot in the midst of the excitement. “Is it- is it here?” I asked them, trying to keep my voice even. My sister nodded, understanding what I was talking about. “On the front table.” My legs felt like rubber as I walked the few steps into the hallway, instantly seeing the stark white envelope on the table. I picked it up. | Deliver to: Theodore Shillings | I walked back to the kitchen, all eyes on me as I turned the envelope over, trying to act calm, act normal. I opened the envelope, pulling out two pieces of paper. One of them, I knew would be the new rules. The other one, was my Slip. I looked at the bigger paper first. To people(s) registered as 18 years as older, the following rules will come into effect. Under no circumstances is anyone 18 years or older permitted in city waters. This includes all local rivers within city limits. Under no circumstances will anyone 18 years or older be allowed to watch the television on the 14th of every month. Under no circumstances is anyone 18 years or older permitted to use faucets after 12am. This includes sinks, bathtubs, and showers. Under no circumstances is anyone 18 years or older permitted to use any kind of elevator after 9pm. Under no circumstances is anyone 18 years or older permitted to share their rules with people(s) under the age of 18. And that was it. I honestly expected more, but was relieved there wasn’t too many that I would have to memorize. They were weird, sure, but nothing that I wouldn’t be able to do. After re- reading the new Rules, I put the paper down, heart hammering as I took my slip. Wanting to get it over with, I opened it, to which a single name was printed. Avery I read, and re-read the name several times. Avery. Avery. Avery. I racked my brain for people I knew named Avery. There was a girl in my history class, and maybe one who I had pre calc with a few years ago? Before I could wonder further, Katlin’s voice cut me off. “What’s the name?” She said, to which I handed it to her. It passed from her, to my mother, then my father. “Avery. Nice name.” My dad said, handing my Slip back to me. Chatter resumed between my parents and Katlin, while my mind was whirring. Some things made more sense now, like why I never saw adults kayaking in the river like I saw them do in other cities. I had told myself for a long time that once I got my Slip, that I wouldn’t focus too much on it, but my mind kept coming back to the name that was burned into my mind. Avery. I still had to go to school, and got ready while Katlin went out to reconnect with some high school friends. I ignored my texts asking what the name on my Slip was, preferring to have that conversation in person. My friends were waiting for me at the bus stop eagerly. There was Jennifer, who was usually pretty quiet, and who I’d known since preschool. There was Joseph, who was a bit of a daredevil and a jock who I’d met during my freshman year. Lastly, there was Charles and Sophia, twins who were never separated, and who I’d bonded with sophomore year over our love for horror movies. Looking at us as a group looked weird, but we worked, and had fun with each other. I was bombarded with the same question as I got close to them. “Who’s name did you get?” “Avery.” I said, the first time I had actually said the name. It sounded nice, coming out of my mouth, It sounded right. My friends nodded, followed by a moment of silence that meant that they were all trying to think of Avery’s that we knew. “Isn’t there a chick in your history class named Avery?” Joseph offered, and I nodded. “Yeah. I’m trying not to think about it too much, I don’t wanna become one of those people who become obsessed with it.” I said, although the name was really all I could think about. My friends dropped it after that, all except Joseph. He would chime in every few minutes, rattling off girls that he knew, all with the name Avery. He was still talking about it as the bus came, and as we walked up to the school. He really didn’t have an “off” button, which meant that I was left to try and tune him out, nodding my head in agreement every few minutes. As the school day went on, I couldn’t help but wonder if each Avery I came across was my soulmate. Somehow though, none of the girls I came across felt right. Everything else aside, the school day went pretty smoothly. People wished me happy birthday in the halls, occasionally asking who I got on my Slip. After school, I still had time before I had to head home and start working on homework, so as usual, I met outside the school with my friends. The day had gotten progressively hotter as it went on, and by the time school was let out, it had reached the point of uncomfort. Most of my friends were already waiting for me, and as I got closer they were already in conversation. “-balls hot man, we should go claim a spot by the river before it gets too crowded.” Joseph was saying, to which my other friends nodded in agreement. The river he was referring to was the biggest in the city, almost cutting it in half. It was a popular hangout spot, and my friends and I had been going there for ages. But now, my throat felt tight. None of my friends had turned 18 yet, since I had an extra year of preschool when I was a kid. They didn’t know the new rules. One of the rules said I wasn’t allowed to tell them. Did that mean I also couldn’t hint at it? “Er, I’m not sure if I’m feeling the river today.” I said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. “Are you crazy? It’s like, 90 degrees out here.” Jennifer said, raising her eyebrows. Not wanting to act suspicious, I decided that I would go, but I wouldn't go in. Under any circumstances. “Alright let’s go, but I can’t stay long, I have my birthday dinner with Katlin and my parents.” I said, to which Joseph pumped his fist. Relieved that none of them seemed to suspect anything, we set off towards the river. There were a couple other families there, with kids playing in the shallow water and the parents sitting safely on the edge. I took a few, even breaths to remind myself that I was fine, and that I would stay on the shore. Jennifer and Joseph were the first to the river, instantly pulling up their jeans and taking off their socks and shoes as they dipped them into the river, sighing with the relief that the cool water provided from the hot weather. I desperately wanted to be there with them, swimming in the river and enjoying the nice weather, but the rules were very clear. I sighed, sitting down a few feet away from the water, my legs out in front of me, watching as my friends splashed each other with the water. I just had to hold out until they had their birthdays, and then I wouldn’t have to make excuses. I could handle a few more months. “Oi! Come on birthday boy, get in the water!” Charles yelled, splashing water in my direction as he was ankle deep in it, a few feet away from where it dropped off into deeper waters. I smiled, shaking my head as I adjusted my legs to make myself more comfortable. “Nah, I’ll be the one to drive you guys to the hospital when you get hypothermia.” I yelled back, to which I could see his eyes roll from here. “Aw, we can’t have that!” Joseph called, wading back to where I was. “I command the birthday boy to get hypothermia with the rest of us!” Joseph said, smirking as he approached me. I felt a trickle of unease as he approached me. I stood up to move away, but just then he swooped down and picked me up over his shoulder. Joseph played for the football team, and I always admired his strength, but this was the first time I was afraid of it. “Joseph, stop! Put me down!” I yelled, panic rising in my voice, struggling to escape his arms as he was carrying me to the water. My heart pounded wildly in my chest, as a rising fear crept up my throat. He outmatched me in size and strength, and my struggles were fruitless. “I’m serious Joseph, put me the fuck down!” I yelled, to which he gave a little laugh. “You’re always so serious Theo, loosen up! Live a little!” He replied, and I could see he was in the water now, wading further in. I looked at my friends, wide eyed, but they were giggling like it was a joke. They had no idea. As he got closer to the drop off, I struggled harder, hitting him on the shoulders. I wasn't weak by any standards, but Joseph was built like an ox, almost all muscle. Fear closed my throat so tightly, I couldn't breathe. “ Come on, everyone in the water!" He said, motioning with his head to my friends, who obliged, standing on the edge of the drop. "Alright on three, we’ll all jump in together.” He put his hands on my waist, and I knew what was coming. “One…. two…..” He started, rocking back and forth. “Joseph, stop! STOP!” I yelled, punching him harder, but it didn’t make any difference. “Three!” I heard the splashes of my friends jumping in, just as I was launched a few feet into the air. I didn't know what to expect. I shut my eyes tightly as images rapidly flashed through my mind. I saw myself at my ninth birthday party, saw myself applauding at Kaitlin's graduation. Rapid images throughout my life flashed before me. Was my life flashing before my eyes? It felt like an eternity before I hit the water. Nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. I hit the water hard, the cold water stinging every part of my body. The wind knocked out of me, but since nothing else happened immediately, I thought, fleetingly, that I was fine. I was wrong. It felt like a giant vacuum was at the bottom of the river, sucking me towards it. I thrashed in the water, desperately trying anything to prevent myself from getting sucked deeper. I had been swimming in the deep part of the river before, and one summer my friends and I actually measured how deep it was, and I knew well enough that I was being pulled far beyond that. I was running out of air, and my panicked state wasn't helping the situation. Whatever was down there started to pull me faster, as if whatever it was could sense my desperation. My chest felt tight, as I could no longer hold my breath. My body started to go limp when suddenly- I was falling. I was no longer in water, and I took a gasp of breath, sputtering out the water that had managed to get in my mouth from my surprise. I was so relieved to be breathing again, that it took me a minute to realize I was falling rapidly through the air. Darkness surrounded me, and through my confused, dazed state I couldn't make out what was around me. A few seconds later, for the second time during the day, my body hit water again, hard. Once again, I had the wind knocked out of me, and I could feel myself sinking. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe. I didn't have the energy to panic. My eyes closed. I didn't know what I was supposed to think about. I didn't want my last thoughts before death to be wasted. It was during these last thoughts that suddenly, something pulled me away from them. Literally. I could feel something grabbing the back of my shirt, pulling me upwards, towards the surface. Confusion swept me as a moment later, I felt myself being heaved out of the water, and being roughly set down, on something hard, something solid. I gasped, coughing and sputtering as water dripped off of me. I shakily pushed myself onto my hands and knees, trying to get my breathing under control, my thoughts moving at the speed of light. I felt oddly light-headed, my body drained and exhausted. I wanted to look around for my savior, but I couldn't. My vision had started to go black, as my exhausted body finally collapsed. || Someone was shaking me awake. My first, fleeting thought that it was my mom, telling me I was going to be late for school. Then I remembered. It was just a dream. I told myself. Just a dream. You'll open your eyes and mom is going to wish you a happy birthday, tell you you're going to be late for school- Someone shook me harder. I opened my eyes. It was not my mom. It was a boy, who looked around my age with dark, messy hair and who was looking at me with two dark blue concerned eyes, who looked relieved as I opened my eyes. "Good. You're awake. Come on, we need to move." He said quickly, looking behind him. Confusion clouded my mind. "Who- who are you? And where am I?" I said, trying to keep the fear out of my voice. The boy looked back at me. "My name is Avery. I can explain everything later, but we really have to go." My breath caught in my throat. Avery. Avery. Avery. Oh, shit. submitted by /u/thewackwaffle to r/nosleep [link] [comments]