Planter Ideas

... 2x2, just not using the planter to do it. The other... away with the other bad ideas I've come up with? Appreciate...

.... I have this on my planter setup which is a 12/...23 kinze planter. The AgLeader does the steering .... Does anyone have any other ideas why my Integra would loose ...

... everywhere. We all have our ideas of what we like to... built and fill in the planter with dirt, what will you ...

Have a 1770Nt 24 ccs planter ground drive on 8400t. Been planting with this combo for 12 years. Had to put new hydraulic pump in it over the winter. The vacuums on planter keep shutting down after 1 minute or two. I open up the back end the weekend thinking there was a bad line, o-ring or something wasnt tightened. Any ideas or thoughts

... versus the other on the planter, due to row clutches or ... out that works good? Other ideas? Got to be a better ...

... having an issue with our planter liquid fertilizer, we have a... Kinsey 2600 16 row pivot planter, and last night all at... those rows, just looking for ideas to try next, you know...

NESD FARM - 5/16/2026 14:22 John Deere XP I have both outer and inner scrapers still get this buildup of stalks and dirt that will eventually cause the disc to push. Any ideas how to fix this? Happens on both spokes and solid gage wheels Planter running level?

CIH 1200pt planter. 600 screen recieving signal from ... ez guide got signal established. Ideas? Forgot. EZ guide is functioning...

Needing to add another seed tender for corn planter next year. Thinking of getting a step deck semi trailer, putting a 4 box seed tender on the back and a tank on the front for starter. Just looking for pics and ideas guys have. Thanks!

... for in furrow on the planter and a tank up front ... lessen the weight on the planter. Any thoughts on this setup ... out with these high inputs. Ideas appreciated Edited by aarondeere 5/...

Lifted planter at end of row, began to turn, All 3 screens went black along with all electric gauges. Engine went to idle, tractor stopped moving. Put it in park engine still ran but no electricity in cab at all. Ideas on cause or how to diagnose would be appreciated.

I'm So disappointed. I received the Planter Box recipe book from Emily. While it was in my inventory, I right clicked and expected it to disappear while giving me the recipe - but it didn't! I replaced my old mouse and got a new one this week. The book still won't open. It's my favorite game...is it broken? Any ideas? Thanks for stopping by!

... Architectural so I have some ideas for tomorrow....we have all... house bed and my herb planter that will be 2 feet...

I have a gen 1 20/20 monitor on a JD 1760 planter and trying to plant but keep getting "lost connection with RFM # 3" Any ideas what's the problem or how to diagnose it? Also got a little pissed and now looking for another monitor. Edited by 57ringo 5/12/2026 18:03

... use it for a small planter or put it on the... sort of an experiment combining ideas from several different recipes for...

... need to make more later. Ideas?" "Demo cars," Rebecca said. "The.... No. Rebecca jumped off the planter and onto the top of ...

... need to make more later. Ideas?" "Demo cars," Rebecca said. "The.... No. Rebecca jumped off the planter and onto the top of ...

... ......she also gets her gardening ideas off Pinterest which never seem... a blank plate for the planter but never do. With my ...

I bought a JD 71 two row planter to touch up some spots in my corn fields. One row unit is higher than the other and I can't figure out why. I don't mean it's planting shallow. It is physically higher off the ground on level concrete. Any ideas?

What would it take to rig up a monitor on a 2 row planter? Thanks for any ideas. Edited by KevinM 5/8/2026 12:37

... a time. Not the entire planter. What could be causing this... 1200 acres on them. Any ideas? Edited by DBFarm 5/5...

Spotted down the street from my lab. There were six in total, I think all Beckman-Coulter. submitted by /u/stirwise to r/labrats [link] [comments]

I would appreciate it. But It’s his brain look!! submitted by /u/RegularLisaSimpson to r/houseplants [link] [comments]

While they are technically in the parking lane on both sides, it took one week for someone to absolutely obliterate one of them. submitted by /u/iam_brucewayne to r/Birmingham [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/itsgravybb to r/Bonsai [link] [comments]

Does anyone know of any plants (succulent or otherwise) that can be coaxed to grow in a ship sail like form (by default or w/ training)? I'd like to put something in the attached Viking planter that can be made to look sail like (with mast/spar/boom like structure). I think a dwarf jade trained to grow strait up with only a few strait side branches (pointing port/starboard) could get close to what I'm after. But wanted to see if anyone had any better ideas. Incase someone asks, the planter is 3D printed in wood PLA and gel-stained. The source model isn't actually a planter, but can be found HERE if interested. I scaled and used modifiers to add drainage. Plastidip was sprayed on the inside to prevent moisture from making the PLA brittle over time. submitted by /u/Vivid_Scheme_8221 to r/succulents [link] [comments]

I am not the OOP, the OOP is u/awkwardstink posting on r/TwoXChromosomes. TW: Bodily fluids, mental illness Mood Spoiler: Eeww!! Original post from August 2015: I will try to keep this short. I've worked at a small company for the past two years. Everything is wonderful, I really love my job and I like most of my coworkers. My only complaint, is "Jennifer". Jennifer is quite young, maybe 25, and she started working with the company a few months after I was hired. I don't dislike her, but to be perfectly honest she has a few bad habits at our work place that I really don't appreciate. Stupid things, leaving the microwave dirty, talking too loudly on her phone, just general incosiderate stuff. She has gotten better after our boss brought some of this stuff to her attention, but he won't touch one issue with a ten foot pole. About once a month, she stinks. I don't mean to be rude, but I am just so tired of having to smell period blood for four days every month. The smell is overwhelming when standing near her, and it's absolutely putrid. And it's not just that she stinks, she's also really careless with her feminine hygiene, and she doesn't really seem to care or get embarrassed. The first time she left blood on a chair, I chalked it up as an accident. Not a big deal. But it's happening just about every month now, and I'm disgusted and sick of it. The thing is, Jennifer is a pretty normal person. She doesn't come off as mentally ill or odd, just inconsiderate. Again my boss won't touch this issue even though we have brought it up multiple times. We don't know what to say without causing friction in the office. It's not just the blood everywhere, it's the smell too. I want it to stop. Does anyone have any advice for me? I tend to be blunt and not very tactful so any advice is appreciated! the top commenter suggest to write an anonymous letter, OOP agrees: Its quite likely she doesn't realize that that's not normal. Maybe you could write an anonymous letter, a 'from a friend' type thing and provide a box of pads and tampons for her to try and explain they need to be changed every few hours. Some people don't have peers or family members who teach them about these things. You'd be doing a nice thing and making both your lives better. First Update (one day later): My post didn't get a whole lot of attention last night, but I did get some good responses so I just wanted to thank you guys and tell you what happened. I posted late last night and I confronted the situation this morning. The top reply suggested that I write an anonymous note to Jennifer that was direct but nice so I didn't make her feel bad. This is what I wrote: "Hi Jennifer. I'm writing you today anonymously because it is not my intention to shame or embarass you. There is no easy way to approach a subject like this, and I want you to know that this isn't a personal attack and that I mean what I'm about to say compassionately and without judgment. In the past few months, there have been some complaints in the office about a lack of personal hygiene that have resulted in menstural blood being left in chairs in the breakroom and bathroom. While I understand that accidents happen and can be out of our control, the repeated instances of the situation required confrontation so that a more comfortable office environment can be achieved for everyone. On a more informal level, I understand that not every woman is aware of how often hygiene products should be changed/replaced, and that some are more reliable than others. I have placed a bag in our bathroom with pads and tampons, it is stashed away behind the planter pot. Please feel free to use any of the products to see if they are more comfortable for you. I have left the instruction pamphlets as well should you have any questions". I didn't mention anything about the smell because I just couldn't think of a way to say it nicely that wouldn't embarrass her more than my note already would. I hoped that if I mentioned the more serious issue of leaving her blood around, that the smell issue would solve itself. Well you guys... it didn't go well. Jennifer knew pretty much immediately that I wrote the note and confronted me. I was honest with her and told her I was the one who wrote the note. She went to our boss right after to complain that I was harassing her and trying to embarrass her. We are a small company with no HR department so our boss handles all conflicts. Boss told her that the note was just about the nicest way to handle such a situation, and told her that if she wanted to take a half day to go home to think and relax and then come back on Monday to forget about the whole thing, she could. She took him up on it immediately and collected her things and left in a rush, so I won't see her again till Monday if she doesn't quit. Luckily this didn't really happen in front of other co workers so she was spared any public humiliation. Reddit, I feel so conflicted. Part of me feels awful for making her feel like shit, because I don't know the reason why she is the way she is (abusive/neglectful upbringing?). But part of me is just so annoyed that she behaved that way when asked not to leave her fucking period blood all over the place! I don't know. I need a drink. Thanks again for the replies last night, hopefully I can update maybe again with some good news. Edit: I just wanted to thank you guys for your support. I was really unsure about my actions today and I feel better knowing that I did my best in this situation and things will be resolved. Thank you again TwoX! Commenters praise OOP on how they handeled the situation. Second Update (one week later): Hey guys. I've been getting a lot of PMs and replies asking me for an update. I meant to write one sooner I've just been crazy busy and haven't had the energy, but it's here now! Link to first post https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/3ijy3p/coworker_has_poor_periodrelated_hygiene_we_do_not/ Link to second post https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/3inma6/update_coworker_has_poor_menstrual_hygiene/ Soooooo last week was just about the most awkward week of my whole life. Some people were REALLY unhappy about the note I left for Jennifer. I reminded them that I'm not an HR person and I don't have any training dealing with situations like these, and I stood behind my actions. My boss was also completely useless in this situation and I sort of resented that he wouldn't take charge and that may have come off in my note. More on that later. I think people specifically had an issue with the way I mentioned that other people were talking about Jennifer leaving her blood all over the office. Here me out ok. Jennifer had knowingly left her period blood on chairs. Like I've seen her make eye contact with her stains and just ignore it. I didn't want her to think that this was just one person who took issue with her habits, and that she knew that she was affecting everyone in a shared environment. I wanted to avoid completely embarrassing her, which is why I didn't mention how awful she smelled during her period, but she had to know that what she was doing was unsafe for everyone. So yeah, that's my little side piece about that. Moving on. Jennifer came back from her long weekend last Monday, and she didn't talk to a single person that day. Apparently one of our coworkers had gotten wind of what happened, and came up to me to thank me privately for doing what I did. I asked her to please not tell anyone else what happened, which she agreed to, thank goodness. I hope she sticks to it. Apparently a few of the other women (who I'm not very close to) were in the early stages of hatching up a plan to tell Jennifer that they were tired of smelling her blood and dealing with her bad habits. I didn't get the full details of this plan but it sounded a whole lot meaner than what I did (from what I gathered it would have been a group confrontation in the break room and worded not so nicely). Maybe that would have been better. Jennifer didn't talk to me until Thursday. She asked me for some filing forms and that was it. Mind you the whole week had been a weird dance of avoiding each other, which is hard because our jobs sort of criss cross each other. So after she asked me for the forms, I decided to talk to her privately because I couldn't deal with just leaving the situation alone considering what I wrote to her the past Thursday. Wednesday? Whatever. We had a pretty long and heated discussion but I'm going to summerize because this post is already too long. Basically Jennifer grew up in a house where that behavior was totally normal. Her mom did it and so did her sister (by "it" I mean using 1 pad for like more than a day). I asked her how she made it to 25 without noticing that other women don't do that. She basically told me that she subconsciously knew that other women didn't do it, but she thought it was fine because she had been doing it since she was like 12 and no one had really called her on it. I don't know how that's even possible but whatever. I told her that I was sorry for embarrassing her but she had to change what she was doing. She told me that she will put more effort into changing her habit but that she didn't want to talk to me anymore about anything that wasn't work related ever again. I said that was fine. The conversation got kind of weird after that. Like weirder than it already was. She told me that she was keeping all the pads and tampons I left for her in the bathroom, and that she wanted me to keep a supply for her constantly replenished in the ladies room. I was like...why? Basically Jennifer thinks that if I have such a problem with her and I wanted her to change, then I have to be the one who supplies her with the pads to change all the time. Ok guys. She said this with a straight face. Jennifer is not a poor woman. In fact I know how much she makes, because it's part of my job. She then said something to the affect of "It's only fair. I've been doing this forever and no one else has said anything in the office so you're lying. Leave the pads in the bathroom or near my desk. I'm not just going to do whatever you say". So her asking me this sort of sent me over the edge, and instead of even replying to what she just asked me, I fucking stomped into our bosses office. He knew immediately that I was mad (I guess the hulk smash stomping around like a toddler gave it away). I told him the gist of the conversation and that I could no longer deal with Jennifer and that he HAD TO DO SOMETHING. A poster on my last post had the genius idea to mention an outside HR company for my boss to hire for situations like this, so I brought that up to him. I don't know if he will do it, but it looks promising. In the meantime, I haven't talked to Jennifer since last week, and I don't plan to. I told boss that we would be limiting contact, and I have a feeling that if she leaves any blood anywhere, our other coworkers are going to have a group confrontation with her in the break room. I don't care. I've washed my hands of this and I am going to focus on my work. Sorry i wrote you a novel TwoX. Still feeling weird and conflicted, like maybe I was too mean or I could have done better. But I kind of also don't care and want to move on. Thank you everyone for listening to me and giving me advice and reassurance about this. You guys really helped me out, and I feel good knowing I can come back here and vent! Edit: I'm on lunch till 12:30 so I'll be able to reply when I get home. Edit edit: Wow you guys, I'm really blown away again by all your kind words. Not to get all soft or anything but posting here has really helped me manage this awful situation and I couldn't be more thankful. Thank you to the user who gilded me my first gold, just so awesome. I am reading every single reply to my post, keep them coming! I do promise to update if anything else happens. Honestly I just hope Jennifer has a come-to-Jesus moment and starts taking better care of herself. Also I promise to work on my formatting if I make another post X). Relevant comment from u/deardog: Retired HR exec here. The day I got promoted past having to talk to people about hygiene issues was one of the happiest in my career. You would not believe how common it is to have adults in the workforce who cannot manage bodily functions/odor. You should never have been put in this position without the authority to force her compliance - that means to discipline or terminate her. Otherwise, she has no reason to change her behavior. Someone who has damaged multiple chairs isn't likely to change on her own. You did well. My standard speech in these circumstances was something like this- Even though we are individuals, we are part of a community here at work and that requires respecting one another. In simple ways that means taking your turn making the coffee, or cleaning up after yourself in the break or bathroom. It might mean keeping your music or personal calls at a low volume. It also means things like regular bathing and clothes washing, and not wearing too much cologne. In your case I've learned that during your period you have left bloody stains on several office chairs. If this is because of some sort of medical problem, I'd be happy to schedule time off for you to visit the doctor - just tell me when and be sure to bring back paperwork so I can note the record that you've sought treatment. In the meantime I'm going to count on you to work hard to take care of this problem on your own. I want to remind you that blood/bodily fluids in our shared space constitutes a health hazard - so it's critically important that we don't have any further incidents. If we do, I'm going to have to consider whether we can continue your employment here. Again, this is a community and I have to think of the health of everyone. I'm going to go ahead and document our discussion here, just so we're both clear on the seriousness of the circumstances. I'll be sending a copy to you. Please let me know if you have any questions and whether or not you plan to see a doctor. Tell your boss to grow a pair and take of this before things get further out of hand. Last and final update (one month after last update): Hey guys. I was not going to make an update to my posts for several reasons but I have been getting A LOT of PMs asking for one. I'm going against my better judgement here, but I know if I was you I'd want to know what happened. I will keep this short, and I am going to do my best to format so I don't have a repeat of last time with a trillion PMs asking me if my space bar is broken. All of this happened several weeks ago and I am just now getting around to typing this up. So let's get into this shit show. When I made my first three posts, I was convinced that Jennifer just had a shitty upbringing and that she had some inconsiderate habits that she was too apathetic to fix. I was wrong. There is something seriously wrong with her. Mentally. A month went by without much drama. I kept my head down, I did my work, and I did my best to avoid any conflict with Jen. I thought that maybe things were shaping up, and that we could finally have a normal workplace. Wrong again. I don't know really how to describe what we all experienced, but I'm going to do my best. When I had my initial confrontation with Jen, something changed. I'm not saying that I am specifically responsible for someone having a mental break, but I believe that I contributed to the decline of Jennifer's immediate well-being. She started her period a few weeks ago, and it was total carnage. There were suddenly smudges of blood on just about everything. Every chair in the break room, every bathroom stall, on the edge of my desk, on the door knobs to every room, every toilet, every flusher, ect. This went on for about a day and a half. I cannot stress enough how completely SHOCKED all of us were at what was going on. We didn't say anything for a day because we were absolutely stupefied. Someone went around cleaning all the stuff she was leaving behind, and there were several reports made to my boss about it that day. I had mentioned in my pervious post that several of my female coworkers were hatching a plan to confront Jen about her habits? Yeah, that didn't happen. We all pretty much knew immediately that there was something very wrong with Jennifer, and no one wanted to contribute to setting off someone who was dealing with a mental illness. On the second day of this, one of my coworkers went into my bosses office and demanded that he fire Jennifer. I talked to her after the incident, and she threatened our boss with calling OSHA. I didn't do this because I was done with the situation, even tho many people suggested I do the very same. I'm glad someone else stepped up and called our boss on his bullshit. In retrospect, I probably should have, but at this point I don't regret staying out of it after my note. Anyway. Jennifer was called into his office. I have zero idea of what happened in there. This is what I do know. About 15 minutes later, a coworker went up to all of us and told us to go home. I was puzzled but I did what I was told. The next day, our boss informed us that Jennifer would not be in for work, and that we are not allowed to talk about her or the situation. It is my understanding (heard through the grape vine), that Jennifer is protected under certain disablility laws because of her mental health. I have heard that she did something serious during the conversation with our boss that has led him to contact a lawyer and banned us from talking about any of this. I'm not sure about these laws, but it makes sense to me. She is sort of in the age range where mental illness strikes, and her behavior is nothing short of odd. I wish I could give you more details, but this is pretty much all I know, and what in comfortable sharing for legal reasons. I want to thank all of you again for your words and guidance. If I had know that Jennifer was truly ill, I would have handled this differently. I have learned a lot during all of this. Mostly about how to handle coworkers face to face and to be empathetic. TwoX is a great sub. The discussion in my posts have been just so awesome, I am greatful to have turned to a place that supported me and other women to speak their minds. Thanks again. Edit: I tried my best with the formatting, I hit space twice and I did two spaces between each paragraph. I don't know why I suck at this. I'm sorry!! I am not the OOP, this is a repost. Do not harass the OOP! submitted by /u/onkel-enzo to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

First and foremost. I've done this song and dance before. I have one child, and am 8 months along with my second. I'm sore, I'm tired l, I can't sleep and I hate the feeling of my baby running her fingers on my inner walls. There is no position, standing, laying or sitting that I can comfortably be in. The iron deficiency happened. So I spent most of my time feeling like I'm dying on my feet. And I REALLY wanted to build something. Like a chicken coop or box planters for my husband's garden. Or install new baseboards in the bathroom. Just DO SOMETHING PHYSICAL. Or at least reach into the washer/dryer to get my own damn laundry. (Belly is too big.) And every time I talk to people about it they look so happy and excited. Or try to tell me 'you should record the baby moving!" Or "You should have a mirror so you can watch yourself give birth!" Or tell me about the creepy internal stuff their baby did that they thought was 'magical'. No. I'm not doing that. I'm not watching that horror show. No, the baby moving around visibly in my stomach is not magical. It's like watching Alien. There's a reason a lot of body horror is based off pregnancy. So why do I even want kids? Because the pregnancy and birth are not the person. At the end of it you have a whole human being with bright ideas and a whole world you get to see them develop. That's what I love about motherhood. I just hate being pregnant. I can already hear people asking why I don't adopt. Yeah, that's not actually an option for the majority of people. It's not like an animal shelter where you can drive in, do an interview and come home with a small person. submitted by /u/CreativeRainy to r/Vent [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Successful_Scale3476 Originally posted to r/offmychest I [F22] just found out my fiance [M22] and I are related, and we don't know what to do. Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: death of a parent, mentions cancer, past trauma, abandonment. possibly mental illness, physical violence, and abuse Mood Spoilers: sad Original Post: January 3, 2026 Throwaway because this is a massive secret and we are fully expecting it to blow up in our faces. I never thought I would post here, but the holidays uncovered something huge and my fiancé and I genuinely have no idea what to do. I grew up in a fairly large city in the south with just my mom, my younger brother, and me. My dad died of cancer when I was four, and my mom supported us by working as an accountant for a mid-sized company. It was always just “the big three,” as my mom liked to say. I have never known anyone from her side of the family. She has always been extremely private about her upbringing, but as I got older I picked up bits and pieces. Whenever we saw family, it was always my dad’s side. My parents met as adults, but after my dad died, my grandpa really stepped up in my life. He took me to father-daughter dances, came to baptisms and major milestones, and was always present. When I asked about my mom’s side of the family, I usually got short answers like “they’re bad people” or “we live far away for a reason.” As far as I know, my mom left home when she was around 17 and never spoke to anyone from her family again. My grandparents on my dad’s side never met anyone from her side. Almost four years ago, I got into a great university far from home. My grandpa drove me down to campus and helped me move in. During orientation, I met Tom (not his real name). We clicked instantly. Same humor, same values, and a connection I had honestly never felt before. We became best friends very quickly and soon started dating. Tom is also from far away, but our hometowns are extremely far from each other. Over the years, I spent some holidays with his family and he spent some with mine. My mom, my brother, and my grandpa (who passed away around Thanksgiving this year) all adored him and were very vocal about wanting me to marry him. His family accepted me just as warmly. Last year, his parents even gave him a large gift to help pay for an engagement ring. He proposed this past August, right around the anniversary of when we met. We are planning to get married in June, shortly after we graduate. One more piece of context before the actual problem. Tom and I became sexually active about a month ago. We were both virgins when we met and had decided we wanted to wait until marriage. After he proposed, we decided together that we were comfortable taking that step, especially since I am on birth control and we were already planning a wedding. Our parents assume we are waiting, but no one has ever directly asked. Until now, this has not been a point of stress for us. Here is where everything falls apart. This past Christmas, I stayed with Tom’s family. My mom and my paternal grandmother are in the middle of an argument I did not want to be involved in, and my mom was completely fine with me going elsewhere. While at Tom’s family gathering, his mom’s parents came over and we all had a big holiday meal, opened gifts, and had a great time. They even gave me several gifts with their last name on them. At some point during the evening, Tom’s grandmother made a comment to his mom, who I will call Melissa. She said, “Melissa, do you remember when you and Rachel got me that planter for Christmas?” I leaned over and quietly asked Tom who Rachel was. He looked confused and said it was his mom’s twin sister, who disappeared years ago. He had never met her. I immediately felt uneasy. My mother’s name is Rachel, although she has gone by her middle name my entire life. I also knew she had siblings, one sister and one brother. Tom had mentioned an uncle who passed away around 2010. At the time, I convinced myself it was just a strange coincidence. Later that night, people were moving around the house and Tom and I ended up sitting alone together with some wine. I whispered something like, “I didn’t know your mom had a twin.” I think at that exact moment it hit both of us. About a year ago, while dating, we had already realized our mothers shared the same birthday. We thought it was funny and even mentioned it casually once to his mom. We both started internally freaking out but kept it together for the rest of the visit. The next day, I flew home to see my mom. Before I got there, Tom and I came up with a plan. I told my mom I had been talking to my gynecologist about some issues with my period and that one of the intake questions asked whether there were twins in my family. I said I didn’t know and figured I should ask. For the first time in my life, my mom admitted she was a twin. When I asked why she never told me, she went on a long, drunken rant about how her sister Melissa was “a literal demon.” My mom is, unfortunately, drunk most of the time. She also mentioned cutting her family off completely when she was young. What is wild is that my mom and Tom’s mom look absolutely nothing alike. One is tall and brunette, the other is short and blonde. At that point, everything clicked. We confirmed last names, which were the same. I also learned my mom’s maiden name for the first time in my life, which I know is strange, but she is intensely private. Tom and I are first cousins. We have no idea what to do next. Our parents have never met, but they are supposed to meet at our wedding in six months. We have already built a future around each other. Tom has a great job lined up, and I have been accepted early decision to my dream law school in the same city. Our relationship is genuinely strong. We are best friends and deeply in love. Ending the relationship feels like throwing away the greatest joy either of us has ever had. Continuing it feels terrifying. There are obvious biological concerns if we ever want children. There is also the very real possibility of being disowned or pressured to split once the truth comes out. We are stuck and completely overwhelmed. What do we do? Edit 1: Thanks for all the kind comments. Tom and I have read through all of them, and we really appreciate the thoughts. We have decided to talk to our parents tonight. We both fly back to college tomorrow, so it's really the last time we can do this before it gets dangerously close to the wedding. I'll give an update on how it goes either tonight or tomorrow at the airport. We plan to tell them what we've learned, but insist it won't affect our plans to marry. Hopefully, if we lead with that, there won't be an effort to break us up.   Editor's note: OOP has made lots of responses, so I am listing the common questions and her responses for more context Relevant Comments Commenter 1: At least they weren't identical, so youre only first cousins? OOP: we are first cousins, I'm not sure that would change if they were identical twins. We might be more genetically similar I guess? Commenter 2: Do one of those dna tests and see how much dna you share. My grandparents found out they were 3rd cousins after they got married. Their parents knew as well. Not quite the same but they made it work. OOP: This is good advice, but there's also some blissful ignorance here. Like at what % do we draw the line? Does OOP and Tom want to have children? OOP: Yeah, we already talked about going the adoption route and avoiding biologicals. Commenter 3: Just be sure, if you ever get pregnant, to disclose this to your medical practitioner. Babies from close relatives have significantly higher risk of genetic complications. But also, because cousin marriage is so common (especially within certain religious and ethnic groups), they will know how to handle it. OOP: Good advice, I am currently in the "never getting pregnant" camp. We already take stupid risks though, so this will tighten that up. Commenter 4: Did your mom never know Tom’s last name or where he was from? It seems odd she never asked more considering the “coincidence” of him having her same last name and city of origin. But I guess he could have the same last name as his dad rather than your mom’s family? This is so unfortunate. If you guys are ok with adopting rather than having biological children… maybe Tom could get snipped to avoid the possibility. And just.. go through with the marriage? Does that seem like the right route, in your heart? Maybe confide in your mother about it, and consider keeping it from his family if they would freak out… not sure if that is the best idea, either. As she would have to avoid his family forever (photos included if they would still recognize her) Best of luck to you. What a crazy, crazy coincidence. OOP: "Tom"'s last name is not her maiden name, it's his dad's name. It's also a really unique last name with a unique pronunciation, nothing like my last name or my mother's maiden name. The coincidence is crazier than I can even describe. No one lives in the same state as the last time they all met, and our college is FAR from that. It's really, really unbelievable that this happened to me. Commenter 5: First cousin marriage is illegal in many US states and whether or not those states recognize a marriage performed in a legal state varies. Just something to keep in mind when making a choice, as you’d be limited in where you can live/move to if you did stay together. Commenter 6: This is a very important point that OP needs to fully wrap her head around ASAP. OP, can you say what state you’re in? OOP: Our wedding venue and planned life is in New York state. OOP on if it's legal to have first cousin marriage in her area OOP: It is legal in our state, but not in the state Tom is from. We never planned on living there anyway OOP on her mother when asked about being a twin OOP: To be fair, when I asked my mother if twins ran in the family, she acted like I was stupid. She swore I knew she was a twin and she had told me. Maybe it never stuck? I feel like that would stick. The family reaction is certainly my fear, thanks for the kind words. Commenter 7: As I have said above the cousin thing is one thing but your mother meeting her estranged twin at your wedding is going to cause absolute carnage. This must be aired before the wedding and you need to face the possibility of your mother making you choose, you say she's drunk most of the time so I'm guessing she isn't the best mum else you wouldnt have added that information. Tom's mother also needs to know. Or there is another option. You tell your mother. She demands you choose. You choose Tom, disinviting your family to the wedding. You say nothing to Tom's mother. Its not recommended but this is all going to go disasterously wrong. I think if I could accept he was my first cousin id just elope and keep the families separate as far as possible. OOP: I fear if we tell our mothers then our whole support system will fall out beneath us if we don't break up. Its almost like we have to be willing to break up if we tell them, and neither of us want to break up at all. OOP explains if there are any similar resembles between Tom and herself OOP: We have often been mistaken for siblings; our friend group has joked about putting us on a sibling or dating website before. We have very similar hair, curly dark brown, and thick. He's taller than me, his dad is like 6'5" though and my dad was like 5'8. OOP needs to get therapy to deal with her mother due to her alcoholism and the family issues OOP: I've had some therapy to deal with my mother, and theres a level of codependency that's hard to explain. Once my dad died, my brother was a very small infant and I was like four. My mother and I really bonded, even though she would put us to bed and hit the bottle every night. It's hard to explain but it is really hard for me to cut her off. + Honestly, since going to therapy my freshman year, I sorta figured she was the problem to some extent. Maybe this will shed light on the whole situation for me. I've only met Tom's grandparents (also mine) twice and they seemed super normal. Just really conservative, but my mom is really conservative too.   Editor's note: OOP made an update in the same original post Update: January 4, 2026 (same post, next day) Update 1/4/26 8:40 EST: I didn’t expect this story to get so much attention, but I appreciate all the kind words and encouragement. I also appreciate everyone who reached out kindly in my DMs. Sorry if I haven’t responded yet. As you’ll soon read, my life is a little upside down. I wrote the original post in the early afternoon. At the time, my mother was out buying my brother new clothes for his upcoming semester. I decided I would confront her after dinner. Tom and I agreed that I would tell my mom that night, and then we would figure out how to tell his parents. Dinner came, and I wasn’t eating. My brother kept asking why, so I eventually gave in and told my mom I had something important I needed to talk to her about privately. She seemed to recognize the seriousness of my tone and told my brother to go to the gas station to buy scratchers. When he left, I told her everything, starting with, “This is really big news, but I want you to know that I intend to continue my relationship with Tom.” I told her I had been at Tom’s house and learned that Tom’s mom had an estranged twin, and that I was confident it was her. I said the full legal names of Tom’s mom and his maternal grandparents. I knew I was right by the shade of red my mother turned. She kept saying, “What?” and “Is this a fucking joke?” I even showed her Tom’s mom’s Facebook. My mother has no social media and never has, as far as I know. At first, my mom went silent while I sobbed. Then she erupted. She told me I needed to leave Tom immediately and never speak to him again. I told her I wasn’t going to do that. She started yelling about how Tom’s family was spreading lies about her to me. They do not even know. She was being paranoid. I told her I didn’t need to tell them anything, that she could keep this secret and simply never meet them. Since his family is paying for the entire wedding, I suggested she not attend, so she would never have to interact with them. That suggestion was not taken well. She called me every name in the book. Whore, liar, bitch, cunt, etc. She screamed at me until she was blue in the face and told me she would not allow me to return to school for my final semester. Around this time, my brother came home. He is a pretty low key guy and does not handle conflict well, so he went into the adjacent living room and scrolled on his phone. I told my mom I would marry Tom regardless, and that if she chose not to be part of my life, that was her decision. She called me ungrateful and continued screaming. Things escalated again when she demanded that I hand over my phone. Long story, I am actually on Tom’s family’s plan. She also demanded that I go to my room. I said no, that I am an adult, and she threw a three quarters full bottle of Botanist gin at me. It hit my arm and shattered on the floor. That is when my brother stepped in and pulled me out of the house. We could hear her breaking things and swearing as we stood outside. Since my flight is scheduled early in the morning, my brother drove me to his friend’s apartment near the airport. He works at the airport and lives about fifteen minutes away. I had never met his friend before. My mother texted me multiple times asking where I was and calling me awful names again, but nothing else happened. I am writing this now from the airport, waiting to board my flight. I have a bruise on my arm, but it is not serious. Tom thinks I should have called the police, but I just could not do that to my mom, even if that ends up being the last time I ever speak to her. My brother brought me all my belongings around two a.m. and then took me to a hotel connected to the airport. He is a saint. This is only half the update. After I left the house, during the drive to my brother’s friend’s place, I called Tom hysterically. He told me he thought he should tell his parents, and I agreed. After we hung up, around ten thirty p.m., Tom pulled his parents aside and told them everything. They had seen pictures of my mother on my Instagram before and had not recognized her, but once they looked again, they confirmed it was the Rachel they knew. Melissa cried and cried. Tom’s dad, I will call him Richard, said the situation was very strange. They asked Tom a lot of probing questions, including whether we had been sexual and whether my mother knew. Tom told them everything. They were disappointed in him, but they did not dwell on that. After Tom explained what had happened with my mom earlier that night, Richard and Melissa completely changed their tone. They told him they still supported our marriage but needed to make a game plan for how to handle this moving forward. They texted me saying incredibly kind things, telling me nothing had changed, that I was still their daughter, and that they loved me. Melissa also shared why my mom became estranged from them. This is only her side, and I may never hear my mom’s, but apparently when my mom was in high school, she started to unravel emotionally. She would yell at her mother constantly and accuse her of favoring Melissa. Their father was the coach of the girls’ basketball team, which Melissa played on but my mom did not, and my mom felt rejected by both parents. During their senior year, my mom ran away with an older boy, not my dad. His family knew my grandparents well, so they assumed she was safe, but my mom told them she would never speak to them again, and she kept her word. The last they heard about her was three years later, when the boy’s parents said they had broken up and she moved to another city. This was the city where she later met my dad. They wrote letters she never answered and eventually respected her wish for no contact. All of this came secondhand, from Tom, who heard it from his mom, while I was coming down from hysteria in an airport hotel room at dawn. The details may be fuzzy, but that is what I know. How I’m doing: I’m heartbroken and scared. I’ve only seen my mother be violent once before, when she threw a brick at my brother for sneaking a girl in. I was always the perfect child, and now I cannot imagine her ever speaking to me again. It feels like I chose the people she felt rejected by over her. My heart breaks for my mom, but I love Tom, and I do not believe it is fair to either of us to abandon this love. I am also scared of what she might do next. She went to my grandmother’s house and my brother’s girlfriend’s house trying to find me. My brother refused to tell her where I was. She knows where my apartment on campus is. I have considered moving in with Tom for safety, but his parents asked us to stop being intimate until marriage, and I do not think they would approve of us living together. That said, they have been incredibly kind. They paid for my hotel stay. Tom was nervous about me staying at my brother’s friend’s apartment. I was mostly afraid of the roaches. They are texting me as I write this, sending florist options and talking excitedly about our wedding. Overall, I am okay, but I am terrified of the unknown. How Tom’s doing: He is very anxious being away from me and incredibly grateful to my brother. He wants me to block my mother’s number, but I am not ready. He encouraged me to make an appointment with my therapist, and we are hoping to attend a few sessions together. He has apologized endlessly and feels like he should have figured this out sooner, but it is not his fault. If we had known earlier, we might never have had the love we now share, and I believe that love is worth it. This morning, his father warned him not to share this secret with anyone. Tom is nervous about how our grandparents would react if they found out. If anything else happens, I will update again. We are still reading all the comments. The encouragement, especially from those who urged us to tell our parents, gave us the strength to do the right thing. Even though I regret telling my mother, I think it was better than lying and creating a long term deception. Thank you all for the support. Feel free to ask any questions. It genuinely helps us think through every angle.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Throwaway because this is a massive secret and we are fully expecting it to blow up in our faces. I never thought I would post here, but the holidays uncovered something huge and my fiancé and I genuinely have no idea what to do. I grew up in a fairly large city in the south with just my mom, my younger brother, and me. My dad died of cancer when I was four, and my mom supported us by working as an accountant for a mid-sized company. It was always just “the big three,” as my mom liked to say. I have never known anyone from her side of the family. She has always been extremely private about her upbringing, but as I got older I picked up bits and pieces. Whenever we saw family, it was always my dad’s side. My parents met as adults, but after my dad died, my grandpa really stepped up in my life. He took me to father-daughter dances, came to baptisms and major milestones, and was always present. When I asked about my mom’s side of the family, I usually got short answers like “they’re bad people” or “we live far away for a reason.” As far as I know, my mom left home when she was around 17 and never spoke to anyone from her family again. My grandparents on my dad’s side never met anyone from her side. Almost four years ago, I got into a great university far from home. My grandpa drove me down to campus and helped me move in. During orientation, I met Tom (not his real name). We clicked instantly. Same humor, same values, and a connection I had honestly never felt before. We became best friends very quickly and soon started dating. Tom is also from far away, but our hometowns are extremely far from each other. Over the years, I spent some holidays with his family and he spent some with mine. My mom, my brother, and my grandpa (who passed away around Thanksgiving this year) all adored him and were very vocal about wanting me to marry him. His family accepted me just as warmly. Last year, his parents even gave him a large gift to help pay for an engagement ring. He proposed this past August, right around the anniversary of when we met. We are planning to get married in June, shortly after we graduate. One more piece of context before the actual problem. Tom and I became sexually active about a month ago. We were both virgins when we met and had decided we wanted to wait until marriage. After he proposed, we decided together that we were comfortable taking that step, especially since I am on birth control and we were already planning a wedding. Our parents assume we are waiting, but no one has ever directly asked. Until now, this has not been a point of stress for us. Here is where everything falls apart. This past Christmas, I stayed with Tom’s family. My mom and my paternal grandmother are in the middle of an argument I did not want to be involved in, and my mom was completely fine with me going elsewhere. While at Tom’s family gathering, his mom’s parents came over and we all had a big holiday meal, opened gifts, and had a great time. They even gave me several gifts with their last name on them. At some point during the evening, Tom’s grandmother made a comment to his mom, who I will call Melissa. She said, “Melissa, do you remember when you and Rachel got me that planter for Christmas?” I leaned over and quietly asked Tom who Rachel was. He looked confused and said it was his mom’s twin sister, who disappeared years ago. He had never met her. I immediately felt uneasy. My mother’s name is Rachel, although she has gone by her middle name my entire life. I also knew she had siblings, one sister and one brother. Tom had mentioned an uncle who passed away around 2010. At the time, I convinced myself it was just a strange coincidence. Later that night, people were moving around the house and Tom and I ended up sitting alone together with some wine. I whispered something like, “I didn’t know your mom had a twin.” I think at that exact moment it hit both of us. About a year ago, while dating, we had already realized our mothers shared the same birthday. We thought it was funny and even mentioned it casually once to his mom. We both started internally freaking out but kept it together for the rest of the visit. The next day, I flew home to see my mom. Before I got there, Tom and I came up with a plan. I told my mom I had been talking to my gynecologist about some issues with my period and that one of the intake questions asked whether there were twins in my family. I said I didn’t know and figured I should ask. For the first time in my life, my mom admitted she was a twin. When I asked why she never told me, she went on a long, drunken rant about how her sister Melissa was “a literal demon.” My mom is, unfortunately, drunk most of the time. She also mentioned cutting her family off completely when she was young. What is wild is that my mom and Tom’s mom look absolutely nothing alike. One is tall and brunette, the other is short and blonde. At that point, everything clicked. We confirmed last names, which were the same. I also learned my mom’s maiden name for the first time in my life, which I know is strange, but she is intensely private. Tom and I are first cousins. We have no idea what to do next. Our parents have never met, but they are supposed to meet at our wedding in six months. We have already built a future around each other. Tom has a great job lined up, and I have been accepted early decision to my dream law school in the same city. Our relationship is genuinely strong. We are best friends and deeply in love. Ending the relationship feels like throwing away the greatest joy either of us has ever had. Continuing it feels terrifying. There are obvious biological concerns if we ever want children. There is also the very real possibility of being disowned or pressured to split once the truth comes out. We are stuck and completely overwhelmed. What do we do? Edit 1: Thanks for all the kind comments. Tom and I have read through all of them, and we really appreciate the thoughts. We have decided to talk to our parents tonight. We both fly back to college tomorrow, so it's really the last time we can do this before it gets dangerously close to the wedding. I'll give an update on how it goes either tonight or tomorrow at the airport. We plan to tell them what we've learned, but insist it won't affect our plans to marry. Hopefully, if we lead with that, there won't be an effort to break us up. Update 1/4/26 8:40 EST: I didn’t expect this story to get so much attention, but I appreciate all the kind words and encouragement. I also appreciate everyone who reached out kindly in my DMs. Sorry if I haven’t responded yet. As you’ll soon read, my life is a little upside down. I wrote the original post in the early afternoon. At the time, my mother was out buying my brother new clothes for his upcoming semester. I decided I would confront her after dinner. Tom and I agreed that I would tell my mom that night, and then we would figure out how to tell his parents. Dinner came, and I wasn’t eating. My brother kept asking why, so I eventually gave in and told my mom I had something important I needed to talk to her about privately. She seemed to recognize the seriousness of my tone and told my brother to go to the gas station to buy scratchers. When he left, I told her everything, starting with, “This is really big news, but I want you to know that I intend to continue my relationship with Tom.” I told her I had been at Tom’s house and learned that Tom’s mom had an estranged twin, and that I was confident it was her. I said the full legal names of Tom’s mom and his maternal grandparents. I knew I was right by the shade of red my mother turned. She kept saying, “What?” and “Is this a fucking joke?” I even showed her Tom’s mom’s Facebook. My mother has no social media and never has, as far as I know. At first, my mom went silent while I sobbed. Then she erupted. She told me I needed to leave Tom immediately and never speak to him again. I told her I wasn’t going to do that. She started yelling about how Tom’s family was spreading lies about her to me. They do not even know. She was being paranoid. I told her I didn’t need to tell them anything, that she could keep this secret and simply never meet them. Since his family is paying for the entire wedding, I suggested she not attend, so she would never have to interact with them. That suggestion was not taken well. She called me every name in the book. Whore, liar, bitch, cunt, etc. She screamed at me until she was blue in the face and told me she would not allow me to return to school for my final semester. Around this time, my brother came home. He is a pretty low key guy and does not handle conflict well, so he went into the adjacent living room and scrolled on his phone. I told my mom I would marry Tom regardless, and that if she chose not to be part of my life, that was her decision. She called me ungrateful and continued screaming. Things escalated again when she demanded that I hand over my phone. Long story, I am actually on Tom’s family’s plan. She also demanded that I go to my room. I said no, that I am an adult, and she threw a three quarters full bottle of Botanist gin at me. It hit my arm and shattered on the floor. That is when my brother stepped in and pulled me out of the house. We could hear her breaking things and swearing as we stood outside. Since my flight is scheduled early in the morning, my brother drove me to his friend’s apartment near the airport. He works at the airport and lives about fifteen minutes away. I had never met his friend before. My mother texted me multiple times asking where I was and calling me awful names again, but nothing else happened. I am writing this now from the airport, waiting to board my flight. I have a bruise on my arm, but it is not serious. Tom thinks I should have called the police, but I just could not do that to my mom, even if that ends up being the last time I ever speak to her. My brother brought me all my belongings around two a.m. and then took me to a hotel connected to the airport. He is a saint. This is only half the update. After I left the house, during the drive to my brother’s friend’s place, I called Tom hysterically. He told me he thought he should tell his parents, and I agreed. After we hung up, around ten thirty p.m., Tom pulled his parents aside and told them everything. They had seen pictures of my mother on my Instagram before and had not recognized her, but once they looked again, they confirmed it was the Rachel they knew. Melissa cried and cried. Tom’s dad, I will call him Richard, said the situation was very strange. They asked Tom a lot of probing questions, including whether we had been sexual and whether my mother knew. Tom told them everything. They were disappointed in him, but they did not dwell on that. After Tom explained what had happened with my mom earlier that night, Richard and Melissa completely changed their tone. They told him they still supported our marriage but needed to make a game plan for how to handle this moving forward. They texted me saying incredibly kind things, telling me nothing had changed, that I was still their daughter, and that they loved me. Melissa also shared why my mom became estranged from them. This is only her side, and I may never hear my mom’s, but apparently when my mom was in high school, she started to unravel emotionally. She would yell at her mother constantly and accuse her of favoring Melissa. Their father was the coach of the girls’ basketball team, which Melissa played on but my mom did not, and my mom felt rejected by both parents. During their senior year, my mom ran away with an older boy, not my dad. His family knew my grandparents well, so they assumed she was safe, but my mom told them she would never speak to them again, and she kept her word. The last they heard about her was three years later, when the boy’s parents said they had broken up and she moved to another city. This was the city where she later met my dad. They wrote letters she never answered and eventually respected her wish for no contact. All of this came secondhand, from Tom, who heard it from his mom, while I was coming down from hysteria in an airport hotel room at dawn. The details may be fuzzy, but that is what I know. How I’m doing: I’m heartbroken and scared. I’ve only seen my mother be violent once before, when she threw a brick at my brother for sneaking a girl in. I was always the perfect child, and now I cannot imagine her ever speaking to me again. It feels like I chose the people she felt rejected by over her. My heart breaks for my mom, but I love Tom, and I do not believe it is fair to either of us to abandon this love. I am also scared of what she might do next. She went to my grandmother’s house and my brother’s girlfriend’s house trying to find me. My brother refused to tell her where I was. She knows where my apartment on campus is. I have considered moving in with Tom for safety, but his parents asked us to stop being intimate until marriage, and I do not think they would approve of us living together. That said, they have been incredibly kind. They paid for my hotel stay. Tom was nervous about me staying at my brother’s friend’s apartment. I was mostly afraid of the roaches. They are texting me as I write this, sending florist options and talking excitedly about our wedding. Overall, I am okay, but I am terrified of the unknown. How Tom’s doing: He is very anxious being away from me and incredibly grateful to my brother. He wants me to block my mother’s number, but I am not ready. He encouraged me to make an appointment with my therapist, and we are hoping to attend a few sessions together. He has apologized endlessly and feels like he should have figured this out sooner, but it is not his fault. If we had known earlier, we might never have had the love we now share, and I believe that love is worth it. This morning, his father warned him not to share this secret with anyone. Tom is nervous about how our grandparents would react if they found out. If anything else happens, I will update again. We are still reading all the comments. The encouragement, especially from those who urged us to tell our parents, gave us the strength to do the right thing. Even though I regret telling my mother, I think it was better than lying and creating a long term deception. Thank you all for the support. Feel free to ask any questions. It genuinely helps us think through every angle. submitted by /u/Successful_Scale3476 to r/offmychest [link] [comments]

The planter came with the house. I was tilling the soil and found a bunch of plastic bottles. What purpose could the serve? submitted by /u/Life_Set_7272 to r/gardening [link] [comments]

I am attempting to correct a downspout placement issue. The downspout to the right drains over and obstructs my sidewalk. I am opposed to tunneling as i live in Minnesota and it would ice up. I created a planter with posts for the downspout to run from the house slanted vertically to the planter, down and into a river rock drainage. Anyone foresee issues with having a large, unsupported downspout run midair or other general tips? First photo shows area and planter, second photo is same with proposed downspout placement. submitted by /u/jenskvaal to r/DIY [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/flowerswannabloom to r/gardening [link] [comments]

I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is amme04. She posted in r/AITAH and r/TwoXChromosomes Previous BORU post here. New Updates start with ****\* A reminder that this sub has the 7 day waiting period, so the last update is 7 days old **Trigger Warnings:** attempted murder; domestic violence; stalking; Mood Spoiler: things are looking better for OOP, but the whole thing is still very scary Original Post: November 30, 2023 I don’t know if i watch too many crime shows or if I’m just paranoid so I’ve come here to ask. Last week I made chicken gnocchi soup. When it was almost done I started helping my daughter with a school project. She got us both a bowl and a few seconds later my bf runs into the room with a bowl and tells me to eat the bowl he has. I told him it was all the same and he insisted that he wanted mine because it had more chicken. Thinking back now I don’t know how he would know that considering my daughter dished it out. My daughter took the bowl he gave me and said she would eat it. He yanked it out of hand and said “no it’s for mom”. I took the bowl and he went to the living room. I continued doing my daughter's project and told her not to eat the soup. 20ish minutes later I walked into the kitchen to pour the soups out and he was still eating his. He asked why we didn’t eat any and I said the cat got into it while we were waiting for it to cool down. He screamed “WHAT!? Was it your bowl !?! Cats can’t eat that!?”. I told him it was only a lick but he has been stressed out watching the cat like a hawk, obsessive even. His reaction was very weird. These "accidents" all happened before the soup incident over the span of 6 months. It wasn't one after another in a short period of time. Since then my emergency money has gone missing. I keep money hidden just in case. I lost my older sister because she wasn’t able to escape a dangerous situation and I literally swore on her grave I would never be in that position. After the soup incident I went to get my money and it was gone. It was hidden and I changed the location every few months. I asked my daughter if maybe she found it and that if she took it I wouldn’t be mad because I knew she couldn’t have spent it. She said no. A few hours later she tells me she forgot but the other day her and my bf got pulled over and she saw my pink wallet in his glove box. I did not tell her which wallet it was in or that it was in a wallet. I decided to ask him if he found it by accident. He asked me why I was hiding a large amount of money, “you know you could never leave me” and laughed. (He has never said anything like that before). I told him it was for my daughters Christmas. He said no he didn’t find the money but could use his credit card for gifts. I didn’t tell him about my daughter seeing my wallet in his car. Now here are a few other things that have happened in the past few months that seemed random at the time but now they don’t. I have a severe allergy to latex. One day we were about to have sex and I glanced at the mirror we have by our bed and saw the condom wrapper was a different color. I stopped him because it wasn’t latex free and he said it was a mistake and just an older one he had. We have been dating for over 2 years and he knows how serious my allergy is. My epipen that I keep in my room is missing and I didn’t realize it. I didn't realize it was missing until I was searching for my money. Another odd thing is one day he was following me down the stairs while I was carrying laundry and he kicked the back of my leg and I fell. He said he slipped but the stairs are wood and he was wearing his steel toe boots. At the time I thought it was an accident. Am I overthinking this? My anxiety has been at an all time high. Do I watch too much true crime? Here is why I think I might be the asshole. We have a good relationship. He loves my daughter like she is his. We split all shared bills and we both pull our own weight around the apartment. We don’t fight. He has never so much as raised his voice at me. We are paycheck to paycheck but bills are paid. I thought about going to my moms house for a few days and asking him when I get there when I’m safe about the money but I don’t have money to do that now. She is on a fixed income and can't help. I feel stupid for being scared. Last night I decided to check his car for my wallet and he caught me. I asked him for my money back and he tried playing dumb. I told him my daughter saw it there. He told me she was lying. I told him I never told her about the money or what wallet. He said he was a grown man and kids lie all the time. I asked him once more for my money and he said “I’m not giving you money to leave me”. I waited until he was in the shower to grab my cat and my daughter and we left. I can’t take my cat with us to a shelter and the DV shelters are full. I was able to get us a night at a cheap motel. This exact situation is why I had money saved. I did everything right and now I’m screwed. I feel like I just blew up my entire life. Yes I'm using a burner account and reading all the comments that I can. Relevant Comments: The red flags are so obvious here: "In my defense the few odd accidents seemed like a genuine accident until the soup thing. It really really freaked me out and that is when I started thinking." Yeah the soup incident is very shady: "That is what made me start thinking about the other "accidents" and putting the pieces together. I thought I just watched too many true crime shows but everyone's response confirmed I'm not just paranoid." In order to believe this I have to think you're a moron. Like, I had to stop reading at the staircase incident: "Have you ever accidentally stepped on your dog's foot, were you trying to kill your dog? No. That is what I thought at the time, it was an accident." Several people accuse this of being obviously fake because events escalated too quickly and why would she be posting on reddit for advice: "I'm not a character in a anonymous fucking story. I wasn't looking for advice, I was looking for confirmation I wasn't paranoid. You bet your ass I left as soon as he said my daughter was lying. Fuck off" There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but it was pretty obviously NTA Update Post 1: December 4, 2023 (4 days later) A TL:DR; I think my boyfriend put something in my soup. After that incident I remembered a few months ago he almost used a latex condom knowing I’m severely allergic and I also remembered when he “accidentally” knocked me down the stairs. I started piecing things together and realized my epi pen was gone as well as a large amount of money I had hidden. My daughter saw my old wallet in his glove box and he denied it. My post got alot of attention and my account was shadowbanned for a few days. I was able to appeal and get my account back because I’m not a bot or some AI. Now for the update. The day after we left he sent me a picture of my epi pen and tried telling me it was in my nightstand the whole time. I tore that room apart looking for it so I KNOW for 100% fact it wasn’t there. He took it. He tried getting me to come back telling me I scared myself stupid and watched too many true crime TV. Something didn't feel right so I told him to put my money and epi pen in the mailbox. We went back and forth and he denied having my money. He then said “If we broke up you and Maria (my daughter) are no longer allowed in my apartment and will be treated like trespassers” and sent me a pic of his target practice sheets. I went to the police about the money and was told it was a civil issue. I was upset but wanted the rest of my stuff so I asked for an escort. Yesterday I finally got an escort into the apartment with a cop and my landlord. He destroyed everything of my daughters and he ruined the laptop charger I use for work. No epi pen. My daughters medication and back up medical supplies were ruined. Our landlord let me off the lease without having to pay an early termination fee which is great considering I have no money. Motels are expensive. I don’t want to get rid of our cat. All shelters are full and this is scary as shit. I’m sorry this is a shitty update but I know people wanted it. Relevant Comments: There has to be something that can be done about your daughter's meds: "I'm beyond angry that nothing can be done. Insurance won't cover her medications or supplies until next month. She JUST got refills. I can get her meds but I'll pay out of pocket. I have no money. Since I couldn't prove my money existed I can't prove he stole it. I'm livid." Restraining order? "Nope not unless he gets physical with me. I should have let him hit me and I would have a lot more help available which is so fucked up." Why are the police so useless? "I wouldn't say useless. I did get a police escort to get the rest of my stuff." Update Post 2: December 10, 2023 (6 days later, 10 days from OG post) My OP got a lot of attention but then my account got shadowbanned and was temporarily removed. I just updated 5 days ago but this will be my final update because there is nothing anyone can do. I was encouraged to go back to the police station after my last update. On Saturday December 9th I went back AGAIN. This time I printed out the threatening text messages that included the target practice sheets he sent, I explained in detail about the “accidents” proving he was trying to hurt me, and I even had my landlord put in writing that he believed our lives were in danger after seeing everything I was showing the police and let me leave my lease early. I brought in the destroyed medical supplies and medications. The police said they had already talked to him and said he didn’t do any of it. He told them my daughter probably destroyed her stuff because she is “special ed”. She has very mild Asperger's but doesn’t destroy things! Since it was his word against mine they believed him. I didn’t have proof he stole the money or that it even existed in the first place. I was told the epi pen was my responsibility and they won’t do anything if it’s lost. I was told to “let it go” and acted like I was bothering the police with my “petty civil issues”. I am so defeated and angry. My daughter isn’t going to have gifts for Christmas because I have to save for a new deposit on an apartment. We have been staying in motels while I was reaching out to DV resources. I can’t get help without a restraining order/ police report. Every place is out of funds. He is getting away with everything and I’m so glad we got out because there is no doubt in my mind he would have gotten away with my murder. I know this sounds like my last update but that is what happened…nothing new. No justice. No repercussions for him. He gets to stay in the apartment. My landlord offered me another unit across town but I can’t afford to move in. This exact situation is why I had money stashed away because no one has ever cared about me/us and I knew that. There is nothing else I can do. Editor's note: OOP posted in another sub with the exact same information as above and no new update. However, she did add this clarification about shelters: "All shelters are full. I found an organization who helps DV victims with housing but only if you have a police report and a restraining order. I guess they are tired of victims going back to their partner, safety reasons, or something. I was denied a restraining order because I had no proof. I’m scared, exhausted, and disappointed." *****Update Post 3: December 28, 2023 (18 days later)****\* Title: I thought we were safe Alot of people wanted a update so here it is. On Christmas he slashed my tires knowing I would have to pay out of pocket to replace them which I don’t have. Today he threw a heavy patio chair through the window of the place we were staying at to let me know he knew where we were and I was asked to leave for everyone's safety. Except my daughter and I aren’t safe. I walked in the sleet/snow with my daughter and our cat and I felt vulnerable and like open prey so we came back to the police station to sit in the lobby until morning. Shelters are still full and I now have to disclose that he is dangerous anywhere we go. Police couldn’t find him but I know he has to be close. I don’t know what his end game is. Relevant Comments: Can police direct you to a DV shelter? "The shelters here are full so we are just sitting in the police station lobby. We are at least safe and warm so I'm grateful for that." On donations: "Donations aren't allowed here and my post could get removed because of it. I'm trying to stay awake and really just venting. I'm so frustrated that he keeps getting away with this shit." Do you know how he keeps finding you? Have you checked for trackers? "I honestly have no idea! He is supposed to have a new girlfriend too so IDK why he is messing with me and destroying property" Reset your phone to factory settings: "I got a cheap burner after we left. He doesn't have my number nor have I used it to call anyone so IDK how he is tracking me." You said he sent you a photo of the epi pen after you left. How did he communicate that to you? "He sent it through my email before I blocked it." Update Post 4: January 1, 2024 (4 days later; a bit over 1 month from OG post) Title: I found the air tag in the cat carrier Please read my other posts for more context but a tl:dr; I’m pretty sure my ex was/is trying to kill me. There were a few instances that I wrote off as “accidents'' until I think he poisoned my soup that was specifically for me. On Christmas he found where we were staying and slashed my tires and threw a heavy patio chair and planter through a window. He still hasn’t been caught. I checked everywhere I could think of and still couldn't figure out how he was tracking us. I blocked him on everything including email after he sent me pics of his target practice sheets among other things. I got a cheap burner phone. My daughter was out of school for winter break so he didn’t follow her or anything. I checked my car for a tracker. Still nothing. I do not have an iphone so I couldn’t check whatever app a air tag is attached to. My cat is harness trained and wears a collar but there was no tracker. Until today I decided to “feel up” (sorry only way I can describe it) the carrier. I ran my fingers over every inch of it and felt a bump on the bottom soft side. There was no new stitching or obvious cut. He had to use a seam ripper along the stitching. It was undetectable and I almost missed it. He had to have had help because I’ve never seen him sew anything. Probably the same person who is letting him hide now. If his excuse for the air tag was to track my cat he would have put it on his collar or harness because that is what he would wear when we go on walks/car rides. My cat would never go in his carrier unless I was planning on leaving for more than a few days. I have no idea how long it has been there nor do I know how far the tracker works but now we aren’t safe where we are, AGAIN. I feel disgusting and I feel like hunted prey. This is so unnerving and I’m so uncomfortable. Who the f*ck was I living with? Relevant Comment: I’m sorry but I don’t find it believable that he tracked you with an AirTag. I don't know how airtags work and didn't say that is how he is tracking me, just that I found one. It doesn't make sense how he knew where we were. Update Post 5: January 7, 2024 (6 days later, 5.5 weeks from OG post) Title: I finally got the restraining order! I’m hoping this update will make everyone as happy as it makes me! I was finally granted the restraining order. And we get the keys to our new apartment on the 11th. A place I can afford monthly and comes partially furnished. It’s in a super safe area right by my daughter's school. There is security!! We will spend our time living in our car until then and of course it has to be snowing but we are together and we have our kitty. This nightmare is almost over. ​ Editor's note: Some people commented on the last post that OOP's ex was a police officer. However, I can't find anything in OOP's posts or comments that confirms this. It's definitely possible, but I just wanted to address it here since it was brought up so often in the last post! submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

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