Adopt Me House Ideas

... a Longtermist even if you adopt a bounded utility view. In.... Suppose Fred breaks into your house and is planning to torture ... bounded views under uncertainty strike me as extremely strong. Fourth, even... smaller world. 8 Conclusion Some ideas have huge implications but rest ...

... pretty bad too. Smaller "art house" style projects like South of... problems if Microsoft decides to adopt a timed exclusive model for... few months. Maybe, thats just me but I am in for ... to 24 months. just spitballing ideas. Reality is, they are still...

...of the Syndicate would back me up on fighting it off, ...had taken that option from me. Or perhaps it was simply ... how she got inside our house, and if the people who ...she was trying to reward me for helping stop Scion." 'Helping', .... Her husband had wanted to adopt this miraculous girl all along, ...the Muse would not let me simply abandon that project, and .... I have a lot of ideas for story arcs, as well ...

...of the Syndicate would back me up on fighting it off, ...had taken that option from me. Or perhaps it was simply ... how she got inside our house, and if the people who ...she was trying to reward me for helping stop Scion." 'Helping', .... Her husband had wanted to adopt this miraculous girl all along, ...the Muse would not let me simply abandon that project, and .... I have a lot of ideas for story arcs, as well ...

...believe in God is to me impossible.” While emotional factors, ...in God is to me impossible.” But in fact, pivotal ... why so many people adopt credulous beliefs. He suggested that ...curiosity and openness to new ideas: People who are curious, intelligent,... you think less of me if I fell for it? ...them to suffer. “Why me?” "What did I do wrong?" "... Dark (New York: Random House, 1995), p. 218. 2. Carl ...

... fully support some of her Ideas? Do I need to repeat... you have to also adopt all the bad ideas that sit within that..., doesn't explore alternatives to her ideas, believes in her self to... ting that bugs me is she's had 30 years in the House..... and she hasn't...

... to recognize any concepts or ideas from there, they're either intentional... about who they were gonna adopt." Danny grimaced. That last one...by comparison. "She's been nagging me about getting together for lunch... fireplace at his grandparents' old house, his real mom's hugs, the...world would you keep bothering me when I'm obviously trying to...doesn't matter what happens to me. It doesn't! I'll be whatever...

... scouts were reluctant to adopt that kind of thinking. I... defense and give you ideas of what the best plays ... "A machine can tell me that a guy had so ...a certain way and give me a prediction. At the end.... Football's so... you got me off on a topic here, ... here, but it intrigues me, just the the idea of ... a different lifetime to me. That doesn't have much impact ... to move into a house in the next week or ...

... way here. And she convinced me to...adopt a different approach." "Hmm," Felix ... has a hard time letting me leave the house to do my job. If ...she loved anymore, she might lock me in the basement." "And... paper. Hope you don't need me to sign in blood," Felix ... is where all my best ideas come from." "Sure is," Felix ... early. Want to come with me for a drink? Pretty sure ...

... came when my house was on fire and helped me out." Many of..., gives young men permission to adopt his fascist philosophy. Another guy ... believe that. Some of these ideas are seeping into mainstream politics: ... more people are advocating these ideas in the open, the young ...

..., I'd been forced to adopt the habits of my people, ..., my grandpop had shown me how to build a log house. Good thing he had, because ... to set up a house and kitchen to sell food ...The hobbit squinted suspiciously at me, but then down hungrily at ...Just looking at it set me on edge and terrified me. "You know, when dad's sword ...with crazy but interesting story ideas for me to write has produced another ...

...some odd reason that escapes me, we have "I'm not .... This sort of reminds me of MAGATS talking about Jesus... orange pedophile in the White House. I'm an atheist, but...Watts, who remarked that rather adopt the religion of Jesus, ...Christians decided to adopt a religion about Jesus. This..., including one who like me, when I was ab uneducated... content of the figures ideas and statements, as is true...

...them and informed the other house lords of their existence, perhaps...the edicts from Luthien to adopt their traditions, he was glad... ground together, "Anubis directed me to attack Hebridan now a ...than Anubis my love, his ideas of industrialisation are dangerous, imagine,...I can tolerate his radical ideas, tell me my love, we were promised... Hermiod, my government assigned me to assist the Pegasus expedition", ...

... to one of Kennedy's signature ideas to remake U.S. health and..., while running for the White House in 2024, Kennedy did speak... teens, has said that similar ideas about wellness, faith, work and...] because someone forwarded it to me, it is the only thing ... it would be dangerous to adopt San Patrignano's abstinence-centered approach more ...

... currently pry from the main house with crowbars. “Garretson goes... Department. First, because my ideas of proper subordination of all ...what the Honorable Senator (to adopt the language of the letter ... made by either to me; and I never heard a ... to the Senator concerning me on 7 June (just one ... any extent, intimated to me by message of any disapprobation or made to me any criticism of my conduct ...

..., really good, and it caught me by surprise because I wasn't... to burnout or lack of ideas. I'm really glad you like...: Knowing Clara, she's going to adopt Sturner right quick, make him .... Riero said: Every piece of me screams that Sturner will distrust ... as the gaining of a house anthropomorphizes the creature. I'd say ...

... he did on the White House lawn, according to two www..., with minimal discussion of core ideas, goals, or tradeoffs. One of... has mandated that each person adopt new AI tools to "uplevel... years, and each one left me wondering: do I raise an... I allow them to record me? (Where does the data go...

... historical pushes to try and adopt the term for the UEG... terms. Do you have any ideas, Serina?" The AI paused, looking... on it, Captain. Just loan me a surgical unit - my ... hadn't even been able to house many of them, instead just ... then flashed a smile. +"Trust me."+ Leigh pursed her lips. She ... as on Chau Sara; give me a week, I can mop ...

... Hillux, one of our in house Mech Designers." "I've heard of ... I nodded as he gave me a look. "We have some ideas of license structure we'd... with our mech designers in house, and they suggested much the .... The Republic definitely wanted to adopt my Aura system. Considering its ... the Gorgon Eye Aura in house. "I've already produced a mech ... Medusa mechs, but you're asking me to completely remove one of ...

... nauseous. Second, I decided to adopt the philosophy behind the Zeke-run ... had gotten closer. That got me rushing into a still burning house. I raced through the charred... the turn that would lead me to a chunk of the house that had already burnt down ... thread and beg everyone for ideas on how to survive. Then ... any thoughts or advice for me?​ RedCarpetManiac DOOD!!! Not exactly how ...

... nauseous. Second, I decided to adopt the philosophy behind the Zeke-run ... had gotten closer. That got me rushing into a still burning house. I raced through the charred... the turn that would lead me to a chunk of the house that had already burnt down ... thread and beg everyone for ideas on how to survive. Then ... any thoughts or advice for me?​ RedCarpetManiac DOOD!!! Not exactly how ...

... much I eat and tell me I don’t need seconds or... good ones. I need to adopt them for myself….being present ... expectations about camping at your house near the horses. Hopefully they... clean can give you some ideas for carpet cleaning. Have a..., and it is unhealthy for me also. Keep busy. Stop, breathe ...

...orphanages couldn't find anyone to adopt me a year or so back. ... of returning to the house tonight or tomorrow, maybe not ... explosive response from both me and the woman, Mitsuki. That ... newest customer dying on me right away…so, you have ..."One more thing…don't call me kid…" I interrupted, I'd rather ... from now on. "Call me Red…Red Hood." I said ...a lot of my initial ideas and story worms here probably ...

... @Jimwatkins Would you pray with me? NEW Please Support #8KUN Jim... Watkins email: [email protected] Follow The Owner: Jim Watkins... President Joe Biden, Jill Biden adopt 2 new rescue dogs >>24442074... battle in the sphere of ideas and ideas only. We neither need nor... of March 29 >>24441159 Louisiana House passes bill to name proposed ...

I adopted boss from a rescue when I was only 17 years old. He was a foster dog staying at the boarding facility I worked at. I fell head over heels in love with him. My childhood dog had just passed maybe a month prior, and it was really hard on my family. I tried for weeks to get my parents to warm up to the idea of bringing this guy home, but my dad insisted it was too soon. We had another family dog who was about 6 at the time and she was VERY selective about her dog friends (as well as human). Plus he was a pitbull, which we had never had before… you know the stigma. “Moving out will be impossible with a bully breed…” etc etc Every day for a few weeks I would go to work and I got to spend my shifts with him. 30+ dogs in a yard at a time and he rarely left my side. I knew I couldn’t let the rescue pick him back up once his stay with us was over. I knew I needed this dog. I was only 17, and my parents weren’t into it. Guess what I did? Took his ass home. My family immediately fell in love with him. He was perfectly receptive to my other dog’s weird behaviors and need for distance while also wanting to play from afar. He did everything he needed to do to fit right in, against all odds. My initially hesitant father? He fell in love the hardest. They were two peas in a pod until the very end. Best. Decision. Ever. Here’s to 9 years of love. We were just barely robbed of a decade. The pain I feel in my chest hasn’t gotten any lighter in the last few months. I find myself wailing when I return home from work most days. (I am a dog groomer, so it is lovely being around pups all day, but still makes everything so heavy.) I think I will cry for him for the rest of my life. He hated when I cried, so I feel a little guilty for it. I miss him more than I knew was humanly possible. I have lost multiple people close to me in my life, and it feels a little crazy to say none have compared to the loss of this animal. Every single day from the age of 17 to 26 I was with him. We grew up together. Through break ups, from state to state, house to house, and everything in between. We kept each other safe. He was my reason; my constant. My absolute best friend. I encourage you to share pictures of your babies who have passed so I can see who he is running free in the clouds with. He loved friends. ❤️ Edit: Wow. You people are amazing. Your dogs are amazing. I am so thankful for all of the kind words, and honored to read all of the beautiful tributes in the comments. Long live our babies! submitted by /u/AcademicMolasses8309 to r/pitbulls [link] [comments]

before I start, my local animal control guy has picked him up and taken him to get checked on! I'd just gotten home and was still in my car when I saw this fella walk up and crawl under the front half of my car. I got out very cautiously in case he was aggressive but he was a huge sweetie and very chill. I let him into my mudroom which he had no problem walking into (he even wanted to get into the rest of my house but I have other cats) and got him some wet food which he gobbled down. He wasn't behaving oddly, just clearly desperately hungry. He looked even skinnier in person, it was devastating (I was crying like a baby). His skin didn't feel out of the ordinary or like there was any infection going on in my opinion, but I could be wrong. He's also neutered, so it's clear he's had an owner at some point, especially with how normal he is with people and houses, and seems maybe around 6 years old if I were to guess, maybe older. The animal control guy showed up and picked him up. I told him if he needs a home I'll absolutely take him, and he said he'll keep me posted once they have him checked out. I haven't heard back yet but I'm hoping I will soon. If anyone has any ideas on what could have happened to this poor guy I'd really love to hear them. He said it didn't look like there was any mange. I'm wondering how he could have lost so much hair and gotten so skinny. I live in the middle of nowhere where there's lots of woods and rodents around and strays around here can typically keep themselves fed fine. I'm also wondering if his skin pattern is normal? All thats left of his hair was black and I didn't see any white hairs, or else I would have guessed he's a black and white cat, but I'm not sure. I'd love any insight. Thank you 🥺 UPDATE *** I've heard back. He brought the cat to the humane society and gave me their info. He initially said he didn't believe it was mange, but is now saying it appears to be that, as well as giardia, and that he should be fine with treatment. Yes I disinfected and cleaned everything (And because some people were justifiably concerned about calling animal control over this, this guy is a family friend who I've known forever and knew I could trust to call) I'm going to call the humane society as soon as they're open to get some more details. I believe he let them know I was interested in taking him if he needed a home but I'll let them know personally to make sure. This place has a good rep and I don't think they'd rush to euthanize him without good reason. I'll update again when I've got more info. thank you guys for caring about this little guy like I do ❤️❤️ and uh to those saying he's "not unhealthy skinny" respectfully open ya damn eyes and never own a cat maybe? UPDATE 2******* I've been in contact with the humane society. First off, he's a she! I apparently mistook her anatomy for a male's? I'm a little confused about that cuz I could've sworn, but I guess I was wrong. She had a vet appointment soon after the day I found her and they didn't find a microchip. They gave her the name Sand Dollar (which is a cute name but not very fitting for her considering she's a black cat 😅 I'm brainstorming different names now) Bad news first, a few of you suggested hyperthyroidism and you're unfortunately right. For those that don't know it's an issue with hormones that affects the metabolism and causes hair and weight loss. They also think she's a senior and she's going to have to be on special food and meds for the rest of her life. It does look like she was shaved as well to get rid of mats like a lot of people were saying. The good news is she's being treated and is on her way to recovery ❤️‍🩹 They said to call and check once a week on her progress until she's well enough to be released from their care. I asked if I could visit but they said she can't be seen until she's available to be picked up, and it might be a matter of weeks to months. They also have some additional testing to do to make sure nothing else is wrong with her. A lot of you wanted an update where I've adopted her and nursed her back to health but it's looking like that won't be for a while unfortunately. I hope this becomes the case soon but until then I'll continue checking on her weekly and follow up with an update when I hear anything new. Thank you guys again 💗💗 submitted by /u/chromedygold to r/CATHELP [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/unpopular_truth88 Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes People threw a party for my parents to celebrate my new baby and I wasn’t invited? + 3 Year Update Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability Trigger Warnings: threats of violence, mentions of domestic violence and abuse, mental health struggles, neglect Original Post: August 12, 2023 I (24f) am 9 months pregnant and due any day now and I just got news that a group of my parents friends threw a party for them to celebrate the upcoming birth of my first child (their first grandchild). My parents and I have a strained relationship as it is. Especially considering my sister (22f) and I were at their house 3 days ago and my sister threatened to kick my stomach in an attempt to injure my baby and they didn’t do ANYTHING about it. This is just one example of my parents being awful at actually raising their children and creating a safe environment in their home. I had planned to stay with my parents right after giving birth to get assistance from my mother (59f) but have recently SERIOUSLY questioned that decision as I just don’t know that we would be safe there if my sister and her dog (that has bitten me before) are there. I’ve informed my mother that I am unsure of this decision under the recent circumstances and she has done nothing but thrown attitude and imply that I’m overreacting because “my sister is her child too so I must understand that they won’t kick her out.” After this recent event I have limited/cut contact with my parents out of frustration and fear of my child’s safety but tonight my mother texted me a picture and showed a party that her friends threw for her and my father (59m) for becoming grandparents including gifts for them and nothing for my baby. AND I WASN’T EVEN INVITED! Am I wrong to feel like they’re stealing my thunder and enjoying undeserved attention especially given how they are terrible parents that refuse to create a safe and loving environment for my new child to be welcomed into? My husband (26m) and I are now considering staying with my in laws immediately after birth because at least we know our son will be safe and cared for there even though it will absolutely piss off my mother. My mother in law is also the one who threw me a baby shower and has taken more care of me throughout my pregnancy. I guess I’m wondering what does Reddit think I should do in this situation regarding my parents and where they think I should stay upon leaving the hospital where we can get some help as first time parents? Thanks in advance for the advice. Editor's note: OOP has made lots of comments, I am listing the top common questions and responses Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: Okay, the party is the least of your concerns, that doesn’t even register as anything next to: - someone in the household threatening to violently assault you and your unborn child - the owners of the household allowing and enabling a threat against a heavily pregnant woman living under their roof - the prospect of an aggressive animal that has already attacked you living in a household with a newborn - the knowledge that your parents are “awful at raising children” based on your own experience It sounds like you come from an incredibly toxic household, which may be why you’re still even considering living there and can’t recognize how much you’re under-reacting. Your view of normalcy and healthy family dynamics is incredibly skewed. That house is not safe, and you are about to have a newborn. Your child’s safety should always be the priority. Pissing off your mother has nothing to do with anything. Do not base decisions that directly affect your child’s well-being around other people’s feelings. Your most important job after that kid is born is to protect them. That’s it. Go live with the person that’s shown you support in this pregnancy, has treated you kindly and who will provide safety, love, and care for your child. OOP: Thank you for really putting that into perspective and reaffirming that the it’s ok to upset my mother in order to protect my baby Commenter 2: Yeah, screw your mom. Not sure why you're not no contact with her, she sounds awful. OOP: Believe it or not she’s the nice one in the family. Brothers currently in rehab, sister is borderline personality disorder who has threatened many times to hurt people, and dad was straight abusive growing up including leaving us duct taped in our rooms as punishment Commenter 3: Then why do you even keep in contact with them? I just don’t understand how continuing a relationship with your parents after how you were treated would be wise for your child. As a parent, you will come to understand very quickly what true love is, and I promise it will make it absolutely impossible to be around your parents. Because if you truly love your child how could someone do that to them? Or be married to someone that duct taped their mouths shut? OOP: Honestly I liked my mother and was hoping one day they would step up/ grow up and start treating me correctly but they’re doing what they’ve always done and enabling my siblings awful behavior and I’ve finally had enough + In regards to the duct tape my mom was working and genuinely didn’t know that he had done that. My father has been directly accused of doing this in front of my mother and she has apologized that she didn’t stop it but my father refused to acknowledge any wrongdoing on his part OOP on her sister's BPD OOP: It’s completely untreated and she refuses to take her meds. I don’t trust her around my baby in general as she’s always been overly aggressive and I won’t speak to her at all anymore unless she gets serious help Commenter 4: You need to cut these assholes out of your life and the life of your child. They don't get a do over baby. OOP: I feel like that’s exactly what they’re looking for. A do over. My mother already has tried to tell me what to do in regards to my son and setting up his nursery, several ideas being outdated and unsafe but when I argue she says she raised us and we all survived so he’ll be fine. Commenter 5: Cut these people out od your life. Family isnt blood. Family is who you trust and who you love and who loves and cherishes you. Surviving isn't what our parents should want for us. Happiness and thriving is. Pardon my harsh language but fuck them. They can get a new do over baby. OOP: Thank you for your honesty. And they might get a do over soon. My sister is unhinged and since she found out I’m pregnant has become jealous and said she’s now off birth control. Lord knows if she gets pregnant her bf isn’t sticking around and my parents will be depended on to help her. They can go fuck up her kid lol she will accomplish that either way as she doesn’t have a motherly bone in her body. Is OOP in therapy to deal with the unresolved issues she had with her family? OOP: I’m in therapy to deal with the shit they put me through growing up. I recognize this stuff now after almost a year of getting help. I guess I was just bothered that they’re getting any sort of attention or congratulations over a baby that isn’t theirs and that they aren’t willing to protect when it’s important. Like their poor actions don’t deserve being rewarded or celebrated considering the circumstances. That being said I should definitely be focused on giving birth and staying away from them rather than letting a party upset me. It just annoyed me they got gifts and a party while my baby got none from their friends considering how awful they are. Why are OOP and her husband staying at a different place rather than at home with the baby? OOP: Neither of us have experience with babies and there is a possibility of a c section which means I won’t be able to do a whole lot for like a week afterward. We also have a one bedroom apartment so someone staying in our place won’t work unless we want almost 60 year olds sleeping on a couch. We are also only planning on staying with someone for a really short time anyway. Please don’t be so negative when I’m just trying to ask for help. Commenter 6: OP, what made you even consider going to your parents, and not your husband’s parents, in the first place? OOP: 2 reasons. 1) my mother in law got sort of jealous/upset when we got married as I took her youngest baby away from her and there were some enmeshment issues with her and my husband that have since been dealt with. She used to speak poorly of me to my husband until he sat her down and told her off and that I was his wife and he had no intentions of distancing himself from me so she could either be nice or he would distance himself from her. Since then she’s tried at least to be supportive, especially since finding out about the pregnancy. And 2 I hate feeling like a burden so when my own mother offered help I thought it would be less stressful and I would be more comfortable with her than asking a woman who used to dislike me for assistance. My mother in law has really done a 180 regarding my relationship with her son and does seem so so excited about the baby so I’m definitely warming up to the idea of staying in a safe house where the baby at least will always be loved and looked after. Commenter 7: I think your mom threw herself the party and probably claimed it was an anniversary party to get the gifts. Bc how would she have that active of petty friends to come up with it so fast. OOP: Their anniversary isn’t for another month. Idk why her friends would do this I’ve never heard of a grandparent party before, but they have a sign and everything   Editor's note: adding a tangential prior post for more context to understand OOP's responses in the update Husband once again leaving me home with 1 year old to go out with friends: September 28, 2024 (13 months later from the original post) My husband’s brother 31m (we’ll call him Aaron for this story) is in town with his girlfriend 33f and he asked my hubby 27m (we’ll call him Greg) if he wanted to go to a comedy show in DC. Greg claims he thought it was just going to be him and his brother going and didn’t invite me along. At the time I figured fair enough it’s brother bonding time. Come to find out his brother is bringing his girlfriend of around 6 months and two other friends, and I was never offered a ticket. Not sure if that’s my husband’s fault or his brothers. Anyway now my Greg expects to leave me at home with our 1 year old so he can go out with a group of people to drink and see this show while I’m stuck at home alone with a toddler and 5 months pregnant. (Before anyone says anything no I wasn’t omitted because I’m pregnant, we had dinner out last night and everyone was drinking but me and it was fine) is this normal?!? I truly do not want him to go, or I want to be there. I don’t think it’s fair that I’m expected to watch our toddler while he goes out to have fun when I never get that opportunity. Greg went out to a concert last month with a different friend group and I once again was left at home with the baby while he got shit faced with his friends. I feel like I’m left to do all the parenting while he does whatever he wants. I don’t think I should have to miss out and if I don’t get to go then I don’t think he should get to either. Would I be the asshole if I don’t let him go? TLDR my husband goes out with his friends occasionally and leaves me at home with our child when I never get the chance to do that   Update: April 11, 2026 (2 years, 8 months later from the original post) Update for my parents had a “grandma shower” without me and the baby I wrote in probably three years ago, but a lot has happened since then. I was debating living with either my parents or my in laws. I was on the fence because I knew my mother would physically help me in any way with the baby without needing to be asked And because my mother in law and I had a rocky relationship at the start, but it has since recovered. One major aspect that pushed me to pick my in laws was that my younger sister threatened to kick me in the stomach when I was nine months pregnant with my son. Anyway here’s the update. WE ARE MOVING TO LONDON! I have officially cut ties with my parents in every way and here’s the backstory that led to it all. I moved in with my in laws and my beautiful baby boy arrived safely. I did continue to visit my parents for a while with the baby but after they lied to me about my sister being busy and not coming to join us (she showed up anyway) I withdrew and would only see my parents if they came to me without my sister. I think my sister has met my son once MAYBE twice and both times it was a forced interaction. When my mother told my sister I was pregnant with my daughter (without my permission) she interrupted a FaceTime between my mother and I, and demanded to know why I didn’t tell her. I lied about keeping it quiet because I wasn’t 12 weeks along yet and just avoided talking to her. A few months later I pocket dialed her and she didn’t answer. She then called me like 15 times and asked me about if I had gone into labor and if I needed her. I told her no and that she wouldn’t be coming to the hospital when it happened anyway. She cursed at me told me I was a bad mother and that I should give my daughter up for adoption before I ruin her. That’s when I cut all contact and blocked her number and all social media and I haven’t seen her in two years. My parents continued to push me to have a relationship with her and my drug addict brother but never succeeded. My brother also moved back into my parents’ house after his stint in rehab and brought his new girlfriend with him. This girl has done crazy things like physically fight my mother (who is in her 60s) and chase my brother around with a knife so safe to say I’m glad I never bring my babies there. But I was still getting phone calls from both my parents venting about the situation and asking to see the kids. That all being said I have officially gone no contact with my entire family. They threatened to drop me from their will, they cut my phone service, and took my car off their insurance and demanded I sell it since my dad was a co-signer. I agreed to it and haven’t spoken to them in over 6 months I am officially moving to London with my husband and our two beautiful children at the end of July and I couldn’t be happier. My in laws have been a huge help and my marriage is the healthiest it’s ever been. My life has done a full 180 and I feel more at peace without hearing horror stories from my parents or being pressured about the kids or being dragged into fights. We are spending the next few months packing up and planning some goodbye trips to our favorite places here before we go and I’m so excited for a fresh start. I want to thank everyone for their previous advice, even those who spoke unkindly to give me the wake up call I needed. My kids are safe and happy and healthy, and our lives are moving forward without the negativity and it’s been amazing. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Congratulations op! Don't stress flying with your babies I did it with 3 babies under 3. The youngest 2 had binkies that helped with stability with the pressure change and they slept through most of it. Giving them something to suck or chew on helps a lot with the air pressure changes. You got this! OOP: Thank you for the helpful advice! Neither of my kids take pacifiers but I can feed my one year old and I’m sure I can give my two year old something to eat or chew as well. I’ll definitely keep this in mind as we are traveling. Thanks again for the helpful advice and kind words Commenter 2: This is a great update! I am so excited for you taking this overseas journey. It sounds amazing. Best of luck. OOP: Thank you! I’m excited too! It’ll be great to start fresh in a new environment my only concerns are an 8 hour flight with a 1 and 2 year old and the sleep adjustment 😂   Editor’s note: in the update post, OOP left several comments that are related to the previous post regarding the situation with her husband. Listing them here for more context Commenter 3: In one of your older posts, you wrote about your husband leaving you at home alone with your child while you were pregnant often. That he would come home extremely drunk, not invite you out, and you didn’t trust him to take care of your children alone for an extended period of time. Since you are moving to London, and will be isolated without the support of your MIL and other family members, I hope this equation improved and that you were able to move past it. Please keep focused on open communication and best of luck with your move and the rest of your life! OOP: It was always expected I stay home with my son because I was pregnant so it’s not like I could drink or would want to be out late anyway. I think my husband believed that because he wasn’t carrying the baby and because I was just always watching our son that his life didn’t have to change much after the baby But after I had my daughter my husband got 8 weeks of paternity leave and he had to take care of my son the same way I do every day and all of a sudden it’s like a switch flipped and he got way more invested with our son and continues to be like that even after returning to work. He stopped viewing our son as an obligation he had to care of and started just enjoying being around him and it’s made a world of difference. I even went to my friends graduation party and was gone all evening, and he got the kids bathed fed and put to bed at a decent time and even had leftover dinner plated for me. He has definitely matured and changed his mind set about me and the kids and everything’s going really really well Commenter 4: Has your husband stepped up helping with the children? OOP: Thankfully he really really has. Commenter 5: Oh he cares when it's a son? But not a daughter? Does he help with both now? OOP: I had my son first honestly I think what changed things was him getting to know his son instead of seeing him for an hour or two before or after work. I also think he’s just not fond of the beginning stages where they can’t sit or crawl or talk or play with you. He’s been better about my daughter he’s been more invested in helping than when my son was a baby but for those first few months he seems to struggle, without being able to actually connect with them I think he has a hard time bonding. He’s amazing with our son now and he’s more helpful with my daughter so he’s definitely turned a corner for the better   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/One-Gap-1282 Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest My husband is thinking about fostering his nephews. I feel like I'm being tossed out for kids we don't even know. Trigger Warnings: mental health struggles, drug addiction, mentions trauma, developmental disabilities, ableism Original Post: March 31, 2026 I know I sound like such a bitch. My husband and I have always maintained a childfree life. I don't like kids terribly and he was the oldest of nine and raised his siblings. He loves kids but is done raising them. So he said. He studied child psychology and works with kids who've experienced trauma. Specialises in SPED. But he comes home from work every day, exhausted, talking about how glad he is that he just gets to relax with me. His sister is an addict. She's been in and out of rehab, never stayed clean. She's got two sons. A four year old & infant. Oldest has been in and out of foster care and the baby has been in the system since he was born. The four year old has recently been removed from her custody. My husband was contacted and asked if he wanted to foster them. He said yes immediately and we've got a fucking home check on Wednesday Thursday (eta: sorry I mixed up the days). I feel all kids of ways about it. I tried to talk to him, and he said it'd be hard, but he can't in good conscience let them "rot" in the system. He knows what he's doing with traumatised kids and knows how the system makes things so much worse. I'm so angry. This is my life, too. He said it's not forever, but I know him, and I know he won't let them go anywhere he doesn't one thousand percent approve of. He'd never foster any other kids. He's made jokes about how awful it is to be a foster parent because they try their best and get their shit ruined by kids who can't exist in their own minds. He knows this life inside and out. Why is it different just because they're related to him? I know I sound awful, but we don't know these kids. We've never met them. I don't understand why he feels so righteous about "saving" these kids. If they weren't related to him he wouldn't give a flying fuck. I know we won't survive. I can't even cope with a cat. I had a breakdown when we had one. We had to get rid of her because I couldn't cope. And he expects me to just live with two kids? I don't want our life together to be over. I'm so angry at him and I feel awful for being angry that he's improving lives. Ugh. Editor’s note: OOP made lots of comments in the original post, I am listing the significant ones as they provide more details that were not covered Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I guess you just don't have a good family or empathy for small children. OOP: I feel the same way about family I know vs family I don't. What separates these kids from random kids? Why foster these kids if he wouldn't have ever fostered a strangers child? I was adopted so maybe my view of blood relation is warped that way, but blood doesn't change anything in this situation. Commenter 2: If you have a breakdown over a cat maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship. OOP: We've been married for six years, together for almost fifteen. I just don't enjoy little life forms clinging to me and screaming at me and injuring me when I'm trying to relax after work. OOP explains more about her background and preferences OOP: I am autistic. I have been to therapy and have been medicated. I prefer to live my life the way I am. My house is my safe space where I can untether myself and exist without constraints. If I suddenly had to deal with kids here I would lose my mind. I know parents do not choose to be miserable. A lot of parents love their kids, even though the miserable parts. My mom says her favourite part of parenting me as a kid was helping me through meltdowns and tantrums. Which is true, I remember her being amazing and sweet through it all. Even now she helps out at respite facilities because she likes helping people. My idea of hell. But my mom is a woman who was designed for motherhood. There are a lot of people like her. I am not one of them. I didn't mean to be condescending. I was just explaining my point of view. OOP on her breakdown with the cat OOP: I have a very specific schedule with my husband. I wake up first, work the early shift, and then come home before him so I can have a couple hours to relax before he gets home. Because I woke up first she was under my feet constantly. I fed her, but then she would eat and put her feet in my coffee, scream at me, jump into my breakfast. Vet told me to play with her so I did, but that didn't help. That was okay, but then when I got home, because she'd been alone for so long she was so clingy. She'd jump all over me, scream, scratch. I coped until I couldn't anymore. Which was like, three months. I know they say it takes time to settle but she just kept getting worse. I think she was too lonely for us. So we gave her to my friend. She's a much happier cat now. I still see her regularly. I have my rabbits and fish. She used to attack them which definitely didn't help me cope with her at all. + The cat was supposed to be separated from the rabbits and fish, which she was, but because she was so clingy it was hard to get into rooms without her also getting in. We weighed up pros and cons for months in regards to the cat. My husband doesn't really care for my rabbits and he wanted a pet. She was supposed to be his, I just ended up dealing with her because she became clingy to me. We met her several times over the course of a month. I had my breakdown three months in, we continued to try for a month, but we couldn't. She's now happier and calmed down instantly. Commenter 3: Where are his other siblings? Btw you’re right, he should have discussed it with you before making such a huge decision that changes both of your lives. It’s time to separate OOP: They already have kids mostly. A couple live way out of state. Commenter 4: I understand the kids have been in foster care a lot, just wondering if you interact with his other nieces and nephew? And what was the reason you never met these kids before? Other than foster care? Or are you child free and not even a good aunty OOP: We see our nieces and nephews regularly. We'd never met these two because my husband is no contact with his sister. OOP on her husband being one of nine, any siblings are not available to take in the kids? OOP: No. Three are minors, two have kids, two are out of state. His parents aren't fit either. Commenter 5: I'm wondering if your husband chose you because of your issues. Not the child-free part - you're certainly allowed to have that choice, but the part where you claim to have about had a nervous breakdown trying to take care of a cat. That's ridiculously over-the-top language to use and it makes you sound overly dramatic. It doesn't take much to get to know a literal infant. OOP: Probably. He likes helping people. We met because I was put in Gen Ed as a trial program and they set him up to be my "buddy" for my first week. He's been obsessed with me ever since. OOP's and her husband's ages OOP: Twenty nine. OOP on her struggles as an autistic person OOP: As an autistic person you should know that we are all different. I don't mind dirty or messy or stinky. I have rabbits. They're so gross. I love them so much. I also have fish, who don't smell as such, but are effort. My house is the place I get to recover from life. Everything is where it's supposed to be. I get to come home from work, have a snack, and lie in a dark room for two hours with my fish. I couldn't even do that with a cat. How am I supposed to do that with kids? Kids are loud. They mess things up. They never give you alone time. Babies wake up at night. I'd probably have to get rid of my room so they could have a bedroom so I wouldn't even have a place to detox. I don't like speaking when I get home. Kids don't understand sign language. I could teach them, but they'd take time and I'd just get frustrated. I've worked so hard to be somewhat functional. Kids would mess that all up. + The way I exist works for me. I have come a long way since I was a child. There is not much more "growing" I can do. I'm on the brink of a meltdown almost constantly. Therapy made me worse so I'm just coping. These are my strategies to not be a drain on society. I do not avoid anything in my daily life. I just need a safe space. That space is my home. My husband is a child psychologist. I know how children develop, and even "good" children, raised well from birth with no disabilities or behavioural concerns (which is unlikely for both of these children) would be too much for me on a day to day. In order for me to survive with kids, not even being a good parent just not losing it on them, I'd have to quit my job and move back in with my moms and just come home periodically. I don't want that. I like being independent. I love my parents, but I'll always be that "profoundly autistic" little girl to them. And when I'm with them my behaviours do revert. It's going to happen anyway. My husband wants the boys, and I could never stop him. Until I could get my own place I'd have to go back to my parents. But if I'm back there I'll just end up dependent again and then I'll probably never move out. And boom. Life over. I'd probably be happier, but I don't want to rely on them. When they die it'll be so much harder for me to exist.   Update: April 2, 2026 (two days later) Update on my husband fostering his nephews. Hi. I didn't expect my post to blow up. I want to start by confirming that yes, I am autistic, and I was considered "profoundly autistic" as a child. Now would be diagnosed as level two or three. I have worked very hard to be as functional as I am. I am not against children as a concept, I just can't cope with them. I made a mistake in my original post where I said the home inspection was on Wednesday. I meant Thursday, which is today. I prewrote the post a few days ago and decided to post on a whim. Anyway. This morning I showed my post to my husband. He said he read it, but then we had the social worker over, and things were kind of insane. The social worker ended up telling us that we didn't pass a home inspection. We have a list of things we need to change, and we have another inspection booked for next week. Unfortunately one of the concerns the SW had was my pets. I have free range rabbits and several fish tanks, which pose several different risks. The fish tanks are able to be pulled from shelves, a child could fall into my big one, lots of wires that are very grabbable. The rabbits are just bite risks, and they poop all over. Obviously I clean up after them but if a child were to put a dropping in their mouth that would not be great. I sat down with my husband after she left. Laid my feelings out, and my new concerns in regards to my animals. I can move my fish tanks to a locked room (my "office") but my rabbits are still free roam. Not to mention my rabbits room (where they go at night) or my office will be needed as a bedroom. So either my fish or my rabbits have to go because they can't be in the same room. I was upset, but I understand more now why he feels the need to take the boys in. Everyone who said they are a connection to his sister was right. We both cried. We love each other but we don't see a way to make this work. He feels strongly about saving them. We both know I could never cope with them. I don't want to have to pick between my rabbits and my fish. I called my parents. They have said I can move back home if I need. I'm unhappy with it, as they are very overbearing and all independence I've worked hard to develop will essentially be gone. But beggers can't be choosers, and I'm not getting divorced, so that's a win. Nothing is set in stone. We're going to see how the inspections and things work out first. But this is probably what's going to happen. To everyone who asked me how he was going to manage them all he said his other sister is happy to help while works, she just couldn't foster them because she doesn't have enough space. Which is true. She has six kids in one bedroom already. I hope this explained everything. I enjoy replying to comments so I will still be replying to comments here and on my other post. Thank you. Relevant Comments Downvoted Commenter: Why. Are. You. Giving. Him. The. House? Tell him it's on. Court. You are entitled to minimum half of that place. Grow a spine and get a lawyer. OOP: We aren't divorcing. Just living separately for the time being. It's his house anyway. Commenter 1: Are you aware moving out may also be seen as a negative to the social worker since it’s reducing it to a one “parent” household instead of a stable two “parent” household? Is your husband aware that any care for them by non-household adults (even family members) would need to be approved - and if his other sister already has 6 kids in one bedroom, she’s unlikely to be approved due to space and safety for even occasional care and may have an investigation opened on her too in the process due to inadequate living conditions for her own kids? OOP: Yes. But these are our circumstances. It'll either work or it won't. SIL has contacted cps herself for help with housing. They know her situation. Commenter 2: This already seems like progress from the original post. I really hope you two can figure everything out. As a side note: people have rabbits and fish and children coexist in a household. I’m not saying it’s the right fit for you, but it is possible if you decide to go that route. Best of luck to you! OOP: Thank you. I honestly didn't think my animals would be an issue, but CPS don't want them in the house so. My rabbits are terrible. They can't share a room with the fish at all lol. Commenter 3: A third option is to move houses, not move out. Do what you have to for now, but intentionally move to a house where this is more viable. 1) Rabbits pooping all over the house is not “free range” nor is it sanitary for adults. They don’t really eat meat so it’s not terrible, but it’s definitely not good. 2) Some houses have elevated recesses for tvs, etc. that could safely house fish tanks. 3) If you insist on the rabbits roaming freely, semi-permanent baby gates exist that cannot be readily breeched by child or sedentary bunny. OOP: The moving out is for me as well as the animals. I won't be able to cope without decent alone time. One rabbit is litter trained, the other one just doesn't care. I've tried, but it hasn't worked, so I follow him around with a little poop bag when he's exploring. Fish tanks need to be locked away ideally as I don't want to secure them to a wall (my other "option"). I can't use baby gates because the rabbits chew them. Commenter 4: What kind of family did your husband come from? None of them seem to have adult coping skills. Well, except for your husband, though he doesn't seem to have a full grasp on what it takes to raise troubled children. OOP: He's a child psychologist who specialises in SPED (and foster kids, unintentionally). His family is mostly dysfunctional though. OOP explains why she can't live alone OOP: I'm not functional as a person. I don't like eating. If someone doesn't force me I won't eat. I get overwhelmed with messes that don't have a scheduled clean up. Ie, dishes I can't do spontaneously, because theres always new dishes and different foods. But my rabbits have the same clean up routine every day so I do that without issue. There's probably some I don't even know about yet because I've always had someone to help. Commenter 5: During the home inspection, did anyone ask or did you voice your reluctance to be a foster parent? That should be a priority to those who decide. OOP: I wasn't speaking at the time. My husband explained it to the social worker and they said my interview would be held at a later date with an interpreter on standby. I'm not sure why I couldn't just type but 🤷🏻‍♀️. Commenter 5: You’re a non-verbal person? I’m curious how an interpreter would work for you. Feel free to say if you wish. 🙂 OOP: I'm not always nonverbal. I think I'm diagnosed as selectively mute, but I was nonverbal until I was like nine. I use sign language a lot of the time. My husband’s dad is deaf, so he taught me sign language when we met so I'd have more authority over what I was saying rather than being forced to use the words I was offered on cards. I would have all of my feelings and wants cards and I'd have to put two together to communicate. Like, if I was mad because there was too much noise, I would use "mad" and "loud" so then caregivers/parents/etc would turn all noise off, or remove me. When in reality there was just too many noises. So I'd get even more upset, because I still wanted the music, but I wanted the blinds to stop rattling. Sign language gave me the ability to tell people that the blinds were too loud, rather than just using my "loud" card. You know? Anyway, so that's what the interpreter would be for.   Help with processing separation from my husband/caregiver due to kids?: April 3, 2026 (next day) I don't know if the title makes any sense. I'm not very good with words but I'm hoping my post will help explain. I didn't really know what flair to use. I am autistic and was diagnosed "profound" as a child (4yo in 2001). There have been some debates about whether that’s true or not. I now sit at level 2 with level 3 traits. I've worked really hard to be where I am. My husband has been one of my main supporters since we were kids and has always supported me in my independence. I rely on very strict routines to remain functional. Unfortunately my husband’s sister had lost custody of her kids and my husband is taking them in. I cannot function with kids, at all, as they will disrupt my routines. Because of this I'm having to move out and back in with my parents. It's very stressful and overwhelming in itself, but my parents aren't as big on me being independent, and I definitely regress in behaviours when I'm with them. It will make things much harder for me long term. My husband is doing a good thing. I'm happy for him. But this is still very scary for me. I made a couple other posts about the situation, and someone told me to post here for advice or support. I don't know if anyone else has been through this, but I'd appreciate anything. Thank you. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Can you build a granny flat for you to live in or convert the basement to a separate living space then your husband and the children live in the main house. You are close enough to maintain your relationship and support each other whilst having a calm space with no interruptions to your routine. I am only ADHD but suspect AuDHD, I thought my coping strategies were strong enough and chose to have one child, but my child has messed with my regulating routines, and I completely understand why you can't live with children. OOP: We talked about it but decided it would probably still be best if I stay with my parents just because he doesn't know how much time he'll have to help me, especially considering the fact that I will probably have more meltdowns with change. Commenter 2: OP, I went back and read all of your posts about this situation. My heart breaks for you. I don’t have any advice, because this would be a dealbreaker for me. If my SO was in agreement for TWENTY YEARS that we would remain child free for our lives together and then suddenly told me that I have to upend my entire life, move my animals, and essentially be forced to agree to separate in my marriage for children that I have never met… I would not be handing things as well as you are. OOP: We've only known each other for twenty three years. We only discussed not having kids maybe ten years ago. I know the information doesn't change your comment but I'm pedantic like that. But thank you. I had my little meltdown about it when he told me. But I think my inability to process emotions well helped me? Not really sure. It definitely sucked. Commenter 3: I don’t have any advice but here to support. You seem like a kind and thoughtful person who is willing to do this to accommodate family needs and also do what’s best for you. I wonder if you are able to share your fears with your parents and set some boundaries to maintain your independence? In any case, sending you love and I hope everything goes smoothly 💗 OOP Thank you. I have spoken to them about it several times, but a decent amount is involuntary too.   AITAH For moving out while my husband fosters his nephews?: April 4, 2026 (next day) My husband wanted me to post because he was enjoying reading comments on my other posts. Posted with his permission. I am a relatively high needs autistic woman, and my husband is my caregiver. We are child free because I can not live with children due to overwhelming me. He received a call station his sisters kids were in need of a foster home. He agreed readily. This caused friction because I wasn't consulted and ended up being blindsided. The situation is impossible for me to live in and so I was very upset. I struggled to understand why he was doing this to us. I made a post on a subreddit, and a lot of people told me to either deal or leave my husband so he could find someone who deserves him. I ended up showing him the post and we had a long conversation where he explained why he couldn't let his nephews go into foster care. Because of that I am having to move back in with my parents and periodically come home to see him and the children in short bursts. I will either move back when they go back to their mom or when they're older and can understand rules and boundaries. When I made an update post, I ended up receiving a lot of hate still because people believe my husband needs to divorce me as I'm not being a good wife and helping with the children, as well as reducing his likelihood of being passed as a foster carer as a single father. AITAH For moving out? I hope this post is formatted correctly. I'm not really sure what I'm doing. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: The fact that you refer to your husband as your caregiver makes me sad for your husband . It sounds like all you care about is what he does for you. Marriage is a partnership and you’ve delegated him to caregiver . OOP: He is my caregiver. He cares for me. He is still my husband first and foremost. Commenter 2: I understand why he is supporting his sister's kids. It sounds like it was sudden. But you also have to take care of you. Maybe by visiting and getting doses of the kids on your terms, might help you down the road OOP: That is the plan! Commenter 3: NTA. But curious? Did you work on this/consult with a professional to be sure you couldn't learn to tolerate them? Also not calling your spouse an AH but if you actually need care it's kind of a strange choice to take in others who keep him from being your caregiver...or does he not think you need it? It seems like an ok compromise...but I'm just idk if I was caregiver for my spouse they'd have to come first unless I had my own kids maybe. OOP: I have worked with lots of therapists. My life is mostly set up of very structured routines to keep myself on track and kids are too unpredictable. He knew if all else failed my parents would look after me. Commenter 4: So can you live on your own or is your husband your 24/7 caretaker? Was he your same level of caretaker in this same scenario when he proposed? Or have you required more assistance from him since you were married? Does your husband have any outside support or is he your sole caregiver? OOP: I can't live alone, but don't need 24/7 care. I was a lot worse when I was younger. I've worked hard on developing routines to keep myself safe and calm. He's known me for twenty three years. He sought me out to date and then marry. He was fully consenting here. He has therapy and I go to my parents rarely when he desperately needs a break, but that's usually when I'm having back to back meltdowns. Commenter 5: Info: I am a relatively high needs autistic woman, and my husband is my caregiver. What does this mean? His sole job is to.... care giver for your needs? You are unable to function on a day-to-day basis? OOP: He helps me be functional. I don't need 24/7 care, and most of the time I am fairly okay, but I do meltdown and struggle with a lot of things that he helps me deal with. If he needs a break I go back to my parents. + He cooks and cleans unless he helps me do them. I can't do things that don't have a specific constant and then they lead to meltdowns. I can do things like frozen meals because it's the same every time. Although I also have a lot of issues with food and eating, so that's the biggest thing he helps me with.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Logrolling_In_ON Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest Previous BoRUs: #1, #2 [New Update]: I think my sister just ruined our dad’s engagement to an amazing woman, and I hate her so much NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Editor’s note: due to the lengths of the posts, I have made TL; DRs for the older posts prior to the latest new update. Removed older relevant comments for more space in this latest BoRU. For the full text bodies and relevant comments, please see the previous BoRUs linked Trigger Warnings: exploitation, death of loved ones, manipulation, verbal abuse RECAP Original Post: February 8, 2026 OOP is one of three kids, including their twin brother, Sebastian (both 16) and older sister, Lisa (17). OOP has intense anger at Lisa, after a major family conflict involving their dad and his fiancée, Amy, who has been a supportive, and well-liked presence in their family since their mom died years prior. OOP and Seb have come to accept and appreciate Amy, Lisa struggles with unresolved grief and fear of Amy replacing their mom, leading to her periodic outbursts lashing out at Amy. Throughout a heated argument about a hypothetical adoption, Lisa said lots of hurtful things, prompting Amy, who is usually patient, to respond with cutting remarks before leaving the house in emotional distress. This situation has devastated their dad, who broke down, expressed fear that Amy might not return. The family is shaken, the dad is heartbroken, Amy is gone for the moment, and OOP is overwhelming angry toward Lisa, blaming her for potentially destroying their family’s fragile happiness.   Update #1: February 12, 2026 (four days later) UPDATE - I think my sister just ruined our dad's engagement After the initial fallout with Amy, OOP explains that the family is shaken but they know they need to address things more honestly. OOP and their brother confronted Lisa about her behavior while they are reaffirming they love her, and also realized, that they themselves have been disrespectful to Amy and contributed to the tension. In family therapy, their dad emphasized he will always love them but won’t always like their actions, and the siblings have acknowledged patterns of pushing boundaries with Amy because she felt like a safe, caring figure for a long time. Lisa has agreed to individual therapy, though she isn’t ready to fully discuss the incident yet. Amy has chosen to take space and may travel, remaining in low contact with their dad, who appears devastated and in fear that the relationship might be over. The family is giving each other space, making plans to regroup, and while nothing has been resolved yet, there are at least small steps toward accountability and potential repair.   Editor’s note: this is a tangential post to OOP’s first two posts, but not about the said situation What handmade thing can I make for my stepmom to apologize and/or for her birthday?: March 7, 2026 (nearly one month later) OOP and their family had a major falling-out a month prior which led to the dad’s fiancée, Amy, leaving. Currently, the family is in therapy as they are trying to make things right and apologize. OOP and their siblings are each creating really thoughtful, personalized gifts to go along with their apology letters, but struggling to come up with something meaningful to give to Amy. Main things they bonded over were video games and teaching Amy Python. This is where OOP reached out to Reddit for advice. ----NEW UPDATE---- Editor’s note: below is the latest update related to OOP’s first two posts I think my sister did NOT just ruin our dad's engagement: March 30, 2026 (over three weeks later from the tangential post) I think my sister did NOT just ruin our dad's engagement I don’t know why I can't post this in the trueoffmychest subreddit, so here goes. It’s been a while so this will be LONG. I kept notes and then rewrote this 5 times because new stuff kept coming up in therapy. It’s almost in chronological order but a lot of things were happening simultaneously so this is the best I can do. Anyway, TL;DR things are much more complicated than we expected. Amy isn’t gone completely/yet, it’s awkward as hell but there’s hope. New family therapist said this is the part where it gets worse before it gets better, so we are all kind of taking one day at a time. We are all in individual therapy now too (this post is a result of journaling) and we kind of seem to be going better. And apparently “healing hurts” so I guess we are healing. FAMILY THERAPY - SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED Amy (thankfully) did not move all her stuff out while we were away for the long weekend back in February. She did go to Europe for a few weeks and met with dad on 2/26. First things first, we have a new family therapist (our old therapist’s supervisor). Enter Dr. Clara (we call her Dr. Clutch because that woman knows her shit and saved us from losing Amy and destroying ourselves). She has been pushing like, “this is a thought, what is the emotion underneath” and “how is your body feeling right now” (huh?) and “walk me through that thought process”. And one of the conditions Amy set for her to even consider returning was for everyone to go to individual therapy on top of family therapy, not just Lisa. Dad discussed this with us but made it clear he’s pulling rank as our dad so while this was a discussion, this also wasn’t negotiable. To everyone’s surprise, Lisa was immediately on board (more on that later). One of the first things we did (Lisa, Seb and I) was apologize to dad for the “Core 4” and “SABA” terms. Especially the Core 4 because y’all were right that it closed us off from welcoming anyone he dated in the family, and we really did want Amy to feel like she has a place with us. Well the first gut punch was when he informed us that Amy *is well aware of both terms*. Seb took this news *very hard*, since apparently SABA is something Amy bonded with him about like, there’s a tennis player that does sneak attacks (?), and they both love the guy. We told Seb it’s not just his guilt to bear, it is on all of us (we’re trying to not single out any one of us three when we know collectively we all did fucked up things) but he was very embarrassed that Amy had found out about that. Dad let us know that Amy is considering a tentative reunion, if only to say goodbye and give us some souvenirs she bought while she was traveling. That kicked our asses into gear, we wanted to do something for her in return, on top of writing her apology letters (both ideas sanctioned by Dr. Clutch). I felt so guilty that, even after the blowout, she was still thinking of us and buying us things while I was just wallowing in self-pity and misery, so I jumped right on that but not to put pressure on her to come back. Like, I had so much I wanted to say to her, I do like her very much, and I felt like I needed a physical representation of that. Plus it really felt good to do something with my hands (Amy’s suggestion whenever we feel tension). Dad gave her our apology letters a few weeks ago and we’re still working on our projects for her birthday in 2 weeks. Another thing that was thoroughly discussed and kind of (once again) showed us Amy is way WAY nicer to us than we deserve, is that Dad didn’t actually know we had ever said “fuck you” to Amy until we told him during the long weekend back in February. He was furious with us back then, and we have discussed this in therapy a lot since. We still had arguments with her while he was around but we didn’t curse at her while he was in the house -obviously, we weren’t crazy- but we kinda assumed she would tell on us. But she never explicitly told him, she was like “we had a fight, harsh words were exchanged” without going into detail on the words, only focusing on the reason for the fight. Surprisingly, she was sharing her retaliations (formerly known as SABA) and they had discussed them, but not ours. We thought he was just softer in his punishments as we grew older when it turns out he was working with incomplete data, but also because of a discussion they kept revisiting in couples therapy (and another reason, Riley-related). Apparently dad has been wanting to impose much harsher punishments on us every time we were fighting with Amy, to the extent that he knew (which he admitted wasn’t that often, at least for me and Seb). Anyway he wanted to be much more strict and lay down the law like he used to but Amy begged him not to. She was always telling him we’re just hurt kids, that it’s normal to lash out from time to time, that her and us are getting closer and the fights are getting less frequent and intense (which was also true, except Lisa’s Riley flashbacks) (though I hear you all that yeah, it was a group fuck-up from all three of us so I won’t split the three of us on this again) and that “she could handle it”. In their couples therapy before she left, she had told him she was terrified we would connect his punishments to her presence, and start treating her worse. He said he told her he had to be a dad and apply consequences to that behavior, but she worried that our bond with him would deteriorate if he did that, and we would blame her and resent her. Dad said it made sense then, but that was before he found out about the “fuck yous” and how bad it had gotten. Now he sees that was a mistake and they are discussing this on their therapy. Dr. Clara said retroactive punishments rarely work but he should tell us how he feels and set a new standard. Dad said he is very angry and disappointed in himself, Amy and us. * Himself - He took full responsibility that he should have picked up on the deterioration of our behavior with Amy much sooner. He appreciated how she brought better conflict and anger management skills to our family (breathing, coloring, journaling etc. instead of burning through it) but that when things spilled over, he should have not only been aware but stepped up to apply appropriate consequences. He also admitted that mom and her family always fought this way but they were still a very loving and supportive family, especially after she died, so in time he kind of stopped seeing this as a huge deal. He dropped the ball on disciplining us and he’s fully determined to not let others influence him on this again (which also relates to something from Riley’s time that I say below). * Amy - They discussed this in their couples therapy when she came back. He was upset that she essentially lied about something that concerned his kids. He said he trusted her calming capacity but she should have been more honest with him and let him manage his relationship with us. She acknowledged this and apologized. She pointed out he didn’t follow through with what she had asked of him (add her to family therapy, and individual therapy for at least Lisa) as to “not pressure us”. So they are working out that trust and balance between them now. Amy had also told dad that if Lisa ever had a blowout like that again without being in individual therapy, she would leave us… which explains why dad had ramped up the efforts for Lisa to start therapy, and why he was saying “she [Amy] won’t be back this time”. * Us - He is very disappointed and worried that, even if only during those few fights, we responded to someone that is actually kind and loving with such hostility. We knew our words were unacceptable because we never said them to him. He said that regardless of whether Amy chooses to stay, he is first and foremost our dad and while he will always have a discussion with us, this is now the new law of the house. On top of individual therapy, we will return to basics like, we keep acting like this overall, we lose phones, computers, car access, allowance, free time, do more chores, you name it. We ever swear or insult Amy again, we get summarily shipped to our grandparents with the bare minimum until she decides she is ok with us returning. And we can bet our asses we’re all getting part-time jobs because “no one should be expected to support your hobbies when you say ‘fuck you’ to them”. Seb already found one at his tennis club, Lisa and I are still working on it. So we have been operating on this level of responsibility for the last month and if I'm completely honest, I don't know, I feel calmer. Like, I feel more present in the house, and with Dad. I kind of don't mind the consequences because I feel like I don't really need to be angry anymore. Not sure how I feel about my therapist but whatever Lisa is doing with hers is working A LOT. Lisa, I don't know how to say it, she looks lighter (not thinner, just lighter?) and she opened up to us a few weeks ago (though after another blowout) and, well it’s bad (but in a good way?) (no actually it’s just bad) but at least she is actually communicating now. THE GHOST OF RILEY So when discussing these new boundaries and consequences, Riley came up again, and Lisa opened up and revealed some new info, as did dad. Because before Riley entered the picture, while he was on his own, dad was a pretty good dad. At least balanced I guess with his punishments and consequences. But whenever Lisa would fight with Riley, Riley quietly after laid on the guilt-trip. Saying how Riley would be our mom at some point, and they would be the 2 most important women in dad’s life, and it makes him sad when she and Lisa fight, and does Lisa really want her dad to be unhappy? No, so if she complains too much and ruins dad’s chance at happiness, he would get tired of her and hate her, and ship her off to live with our grandparents. From his side, dad has always reassured us that he would always love us even if we were angry and lashing out, but there would still be a discussion and consequences. And he was much stricter before Riley. But after her, it all went downhill because he felt so guilty for misjudging Riley and bringing her into our lives. Our greater family is also very loud and vocal on how huge of a mistake that woman was, especially mom’s family who (rightfully) tore into dad and piled on the guilt. Dakota (mom’s sister) was disgusted dad “replaced my sister with trash”. And it all peaked when they calmly discussed (more like threatened) they would take us from dad to live with them for our own good. So after he kicked Riley to the curb he took a massive step back on how he treated us, how strict he was, how much discipline to apply, consequences and the like. He admits he started letting us get away with more things, and the family also told him to back off and cut us some slack because we were now doubly-traumatized. He didn’t want to push it, he was also shook, and he overcorrected, and then Amy’s request to not punish us too hard came and buttoned right on top of all this. He said he will be working on this in therapy and will be way more vigilant around the family’s influence on us, because as much as he loves and wants us to keep contact with mom’s family, they are very inappropriate when they fight, and we have all kind of normalized that. ADOPTION DISCUSSION + AMY’S TRAUMA Another thing that was clarified was around the adoption discussion dad and Amy had when we walked in on them. This is just one more “Lisa jumped the gun but we are all assholes” situation. I think I did mention that Amy is like, proper rich with global income etc. and she was ok to cover more of the household expenses/activities so dad can save up more for our college funds. Anyway the adoption discussion was part of a larger discussion they had about wills and inheritances (as one does I suppose when discussing marriage) and whether Amy having a US will would hold in her country, how would it work for her international properties, what stuff would work better if created in her country vs having a US document translated etc. They were looking up whether, if something happened to her, who would get her stuff by different countries laws and she was saying, assuming things with us all improved and we were open to adult adoption, that it would be the easiest path to her money and houses staying in the family (meaning me, Seb and Lisa, which yeah thinking us as her family long term, that was another gut punch. This update is only shame and guilt tbh). They were discussing this possibility, whether Amy would be open to adopting us in the future in her country, if just for the financial benefits and the emotional boost etc. And that’s when we walked in. Lisa flew off the handle because she misunderstood at first and thought that dad and Amy were discussing adopting another child together, not us three. By the time they got a word in and told her they weren’t discussing adopting another child, she was all fired up and started spewing the other bullshit and well, you know the rest. That whole incident lasted no longer than a minute, but it was one brutal fucking minute. Dad also shared a few details of what Amy’s mom was like, especially after her dad died. I don’t want to repeat too much but trust me its vile like, I would take Riley over Amy’s mom any day of the week. One thing that her mom told Amy (when she was my age btw) was that she should never have kids of her own because “your anger is like venom", "you destroy everything you love" and "no child deserves you as a mother”. Amy is working on her own trauma around this but for the longest time it was one of the reasons she didn’t want to have biological children. Now she has more, but this was also a factor. So when she told Lisa “why would I ever choose you as a daughter” it messed Amy up hard, like she had flashbacks of how awful her own mom was and how she grew up internalizing all that shit. And she does not want to be that person but it was scary to discover she had it in her to be that cruel, so she needed some time to work on that. When we laid this all down this Thursday, she said “I now have to live with the knowledge I can go that low, and you have to live with that as well” and beware the wrath of a patient woman I guess. LISA’S BREAKDOWN / BREAKTHROUGH / SOMETHING BROKE After we all moved in together, Lisa would often make the point that Amy “will eventually leave us, like mom/Riley did”. Our previous therapist never dug too deep on that, I remember most of that time the therapist was saying that mom did not leave us, she would say if she had a choice, and Riley leaving was not a reflection on us as kids, that we did nothing wrong and should not feel guilty for a dad and Riley breaking up. When Amy left, first therapy session (where Dr. Clutch was supervising our old therapist) Lisa brought this up again in an “see, I was right” context. But after the first few sessions with our own therapists, one of the things Dr. Clutch visited was around abandonment issues. Lisa shared how at first she interpreted Amy's calmness when we fought with her as indifference, that Amy didn’t care, because she was not reacting as volatile as Riley or mom's family. That when the three of us were pushing boundaries, she stayed calm not because she was more mature and she could handle herself better, but because she wasn't really invested, like she wasn't in it for the long haul. We all kind of acknowledge that, Seb in particular related to that a lot, so we all dug a little deeper. Lisa verbalized it better than either of us, saying she thought the way Amy was quick to forgive and always treated us with kindness, tried to teach us stuff even when we were so mean to her, was because nothing really got to her, that she didn't really want to be our stepmom and had one foot out the door. Dr. Clutch helped us unpack that, and we realized we kept pushing Amy not only to let out (deeply rooted) tension, but because we have normalized the dysfunctional behavior that Riley and our wider family shows when in conflict, and her not responding the same way made us both feel both deeply safe, and deeply unsafe (apparently we will be exploring vulnerability and secure attachment at some point which, for some reason, makes me very nervous). Last but not least, in a very heavy point in that session, Lisa said that she had wished Amy dead during the blowout because “at least that way, she wouldn't leave us by choice”. She apologized to our dad for saying that, and she was very upset with herself that she had said it in the first place. (She is also getting an evaluation/diagnosis for PMDD which dad said could help a lot with understanding herself and managing her symptoms.) But that wasn’t the worst of it. Shortly after we started individual therapy, we were just hanging out at the house together, discussing mom and how different she was from Amy. I remembered you all told me in the first post that I should share that I want Amy as a mom, so I kind of mustered up the courage and started talking about that. I said I would be open to Amy being a mother figure, and I don’t remember that much of mom anyway, and I want her and dad to be married and if it ever came to being adopted I would also be ok with that, adult or not. Lisa was looking at me with a most shocked face, and I could see the anger bubbling but I didn't care. I wanted to say it. Seb agreed and Dad said he appreciated us being so open to this idea, but we would have to actively work on showing Amy she is welcome to that role, if she chose to return. Well, Lisa absolutely LOST IT at that. She was screaming how this can’t be happening to her, how me and Seb were lying to her all this time. I thought it was because of what I said, I mean she was swearing at me and Seb and was saying we “ruined everything” but also “it’s too late now, now you tell me” which made no sense at the time. And then she kind of entered this panicked state where she was just hyperventilating and saying “I want Amy, I need to talk to Amy”. She wouldn't really say more, dad tried to calm her down but it was not working, she asked to spend a few days at her best friend’s house and at our grandparents, and next time we saw her it was 4 days later in family therapy. Relevant context: One of Lisa’s best friends is Paige, and she’s dealing with a stepmother as well (Natasha) after her parents’ divorce. In that family therapy session, Lisa said Paige has been having issues with her stepmother always trying to interject herself in her life, trying really hard to mother her and get them to bond, trying to get Paige to see her as a mother figure, call her mom etc. Paige complains a lot about this to Lisa. As Lisa was telling us all this I honestly thought she would say she’s pushing Amy away because that’s what Paige does with her stepmom, like set boundaries and keep reminding Amy that she’s not our mom etc. and that all her violent outbursts were so that Amy doesn’t forget her place I suppose. I was getting really upset because Amy absolutely does nothing of the sort, and I was ready to jump on that. And then Lisa threw the biggest curve ball ever… because apparently she HATES that Amy doesn’t even try to replace our mom, like Natasha does. She HATES that “she’s just there”, like a friend and our dad’s fiancée, living her life with us without pushing to be part of our family. She HATES that Amy isn’t demanding a motherly place in our lives and just lets things fall where they will. Apparently she had felt SO ISOLATED in wanting Amy to be a mother figure, when everyone else (us, grandparents, the wider family, Paige, even therapy) was focusing on how Amy doesn't push for this role, and how glad we are that she’s so respectful and she isn’t obnoxious like Riley. That everyone was focusing on how good it is for Amy to not want to replace mom, but no one ever said it would be okay if she did. It made Lisa feel completely alone and ashamed in wanting to get closer to Amy like a mother-daughter, that we had always said “family sticks together” and she would be betraying us (me and Seb) if she accepted Amy when we seemingly did not. That the guilt wasn’t for allowing Amy to get close, therapy had done a good job on that, but on wanting to take it a step further when no one else seemed to. So whenever she felt she was moving Amy into mom’s role she got terrified she was going against all of us, that she was going back on what we had agreed. She then felt she had to push Amy away or we would be upset with her, that she would be the villain that doesn’t have a problem with her mom being replaced, and “you and the rest of the family would all hate me, first of all Dakota” (mom’s sister who Lisa is very close to). She said she didn’t want to get to individual therapy because it would be humiliating if she was the only one to go, that it would be one more thing that reminded her that she’s the problem, the odd one out. She also felt ashamed being almost an adult and “how pathetic is it to ‘still want a mommy’ at this age?” That she is going to college soon, so it was now or never with Amy, but if she came forward with how she was feeling, she would risk alienating everyone else. So when I said that I'm okay with Amy being our mom and Seb agreed, it completely threw off balance what she was trying to do. So when she thought dad and Amy were discussing adopting another child, not us, it crushed her. And when Amy told her “why would I choose you as my daughter” it BROKE Lisa like, completely. She kept asking ‘Am I not good enough? Why doesn’t she want to be my stepmom? Why isn’t she trying like Riley was / Natasha is? What does Paige have that I don’t? What is wrong with me?’ And then she said “I’m not feeling guilty, I’m feeling lonely and desperate" and well, that broke everyone. It was a lot, it was hard to watch, and I honestly felt like someone had punched me right in the middle of my chest. Lisa was crying and hyperventilating to the point she started dry heaving, dad kept apologizing and hugging Lisa like, full on hugging her on his lap. I started crying too, we all ended up a sobbing mess. It was really the worst feeling in the world, it was heartbreaking to see her like this, I was really worried about her, I still don’t quite know how to react to that. I feel so guilty and so angry at myself that I didn’t say anything sooner. Maybe not the whole “I am ok with Amy being a mom to me” (which still hits weird, not gonna lie) but at least on the “we don’t have to honor the pact, we should like Amy, and get as close to her as possible” part. AMY “RETURNED” - A NEW HOPE Amy came to the house this Thursday just to spend some time with us and talk. When Dad told us a few days earlier, it was another sobfest in therapy, both him and Dr Clutch tried to manage expectations, but I don't think either one of us really cared. Everyone was nervous, we discussed what we wanted to say, how we wanted to approach this with humility and love, how we didn’t want to put too much on her to accept, but I don’t think any of us felt ready or able to follow that. Lisa was absolutely vibrating, she couldn't stand still, she kept going from smiling and feeling happy, to crying and being worried, to being angry at all of us for not having cleaned the house well enough. Sure enough the plan went out the window in like 5 seconds. When Amy came through the door, I swear when she actually heard the keys in the door, Lisa just jumped up and ran to her and hugged her and she broke down crying, apologizing, telling her she is sorry, telling her all of what she told us in therapy. She couldn’t even hold herself up so she and Amy ended up on the floor, Amy was holding Lisa and telling her she understands and they will figure it out, Dad came over and tried to calm Lisa but she would just not let go of Amy, so we all ended up talking on the floor right next to the door. It would have been funny if we weren’t all a sobbing mess. Most of what I wrote above was communicated to Amy, she told us about her traveling and her thoughts, she apologized for her missteps, we all apologized repeatedly, dad most of all of us, he also shared what we have been up to while she was away, progress in therapy etc. We apologized for the Core 4, we apologized for the SABA, we kept remembering things we wanted to apologize for. Lisa even apologized for ambushing her at the door like this, said she understood if Amy needs more time and she tried to crawl away but Amy just pulled her back into her arms, Lisa started crying again, it was really both heartwarming and heartbreaking. I don't know why but none of us thought at any point to get up from the floor for a good 2 hours, I actually felt guilty when I had to get up to use the bathroom. The rest of the night was more or less normal, we had some dinner (I cooked!) and we watched a movie. We tried to have some normalcy I suppose. It felt tense, but Amy was talking to us, she wasn't quite as positive and calm but for what we put her through, both in the past and that day, I am just grateful she didn’t do a U-turn and walk right out. Amy took us out to spend one-on-one time this weekend, Dad and Seb yesterday, Lisa is out with her right now. Her and I went hiking this morning. We reached a view point and she took out my apology letter which she had not opened yet and told me to read it to her. I immediately felt so awful I started crying (I understand Lisa so much more now), like instantly, I don’t think I have ever had a panic attack but this felt like it. Amy helped me calm down but she didn’t pull back. She said if I can write it, I can say it and she was very patient and smiling. I hadn’t even started reading and I was completely breaking down. It didn't feel this horrible when I wrote it, but reading it out loud to her? Man I don't understand what happened there, it hit me like a freight train and took me like 10 minutes to go through 3 pages. I had already apologized for most of it on Thursday, but something about reading it out loud, on top of a mountain, when it was just the two of us, just hit different. We spoke for a few hours, I don’t want to share all of what we said because my chest hurts even thinking about it (and honestly my mind is a bit foggy) but in the end she reiterated that she wants to work towards reconciliation, but things would have to change drastically, and it will take a long time for us to get back to where we were. The one thing I will share because I remember it very clearly over everything else, was “I love you, and want to continue to love you, but you have to make it a little easier for me”. So this is where we are. She is staying with a friend of hers but will start spending more time at home, and slowly we will see how a new balance can be found. I am hopeful and trying to manage it, but at least from my side, even before today, I read all of your comments and realized that is not who I want to be, not how I want to act, especially towards Amy… but like, I don’t actually feel that angry anymore. My therapist is helping me a lot (the guy gives me homework ffs) but I kind of like it. It feels a little strange to not do this with Seb, like I don’t have a sounding board in therapy, but it isn’t all bad. One day at a time, I guess. Thank you all for both your support and wishes, and kicking my ass when I needed it. Relevant Comments Commenter: so what about your mom's family? where were they in all this? do they know how you guys feel now? OOP: We haven't updated them and tbh we're not in any rush. They are not a priority right now. We still hang out with our cousins but anything the adults need to know my dad will share. I expect there will be a discussion at some point. DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

So I don't have much experience with cats. I've always had dogs and still have an Alaskan Malamute x Siberian Husky named Akira. We moved to a new house nearly 5 years ago and during my walks with Akira we'd often see this cute little silver tabby. I have no idea what breed (it any) he is but he's mostly silver with black stripes and a white underbelly. This cat was super chilled out and wouldn't run away from Akira like other cats would. In fact he'd often approach us. I soon learned that he was super friendly too and would let me pet him or even pick him up. Over the years I've seen him on/off and within the last 12 months or so he'd been appearing in the garden or sometimes even trying to get in through one of the downstairs windows. My girlfriend wanted to start feeding him but he looked like a well kept and fed cat and I didn't wanna start feeding someone else's cat. Recently we discovered that he actually belongs to a family who live across the street from us but they have 2 other cats that he doesn't get along with. They said he no longer comes home to them, has started sleeping outside and will only take food from them outside the house. As a result they wanted to re-home him. Because he seemed to chill with Akira and friendly we agreed to trial him living with us and instantly he settled in and made himself at home. The very first day he spent the whole day in our house, sleeping, eating and being very affectionate. He would jump up on our bed, start purring and kneading, rub his face and nose against ours, start dribbling and rolling around on his back exposing his belly to us. He loves humans touch and seems to crave it. He's the most affectionate cat I've ever encountered. Granted I don't have much experience with cats but I've never known a cat to be so trusting and instantly bond with a human like this. He reminds me more of a dog. He follows me around the house like our pups used to. He sleeps in bed with us, cuddled in the whole night. Although he likes to play with toys and uses his claws and teeth on toys, he's not once accidentally scratched or bitten me. He can be scratching and biting at a toy and I can start stroking his face or belly and he won't ever attempt to scratch or bite me. He rolls over on his back like a dog, purs when he has his belly rubbed and actually lets me kiss his belly without thrashing around (even our dogs don't always let us do this). Bear in mind we've had this cat living with us for a week... Its not like we've built up this bond over years. He just seemed to instantly fall in love with us and trust us entirely. And the strangest thing... He comes out for walks with me. He doesn't just follow me around the house, he follows me when I go outside as well. The second day he was with us I took Akira out for a walk and he followed me and her for the whole 40 mins walk. I've now taken him out for another two walks just me and him. Now and then he'll get distracted by a bird or go investigate some bush but he always runs to catch up with me. If he runs off ahead to check something out he'll stop, look back and wait for me to catch up before walking on. I have 40+ min videos of me walking down the road with him, then walking along a nature path with loads of tress, bushes etc and then him walking back home with me. The first day we went out I told my girlfriend it was like he was showing me his territory and his favourite places to go lol. Everyone I've spoken to says this is HIGHLY unusual. I kind of feel like this is a one in a million cat? Oh and his name is Indy (that's what his old family named him). I'm completely in love with him. Is this cat unusual or am I just not used to cats? TDLR: We adopted a cat last week. He's super affectionate, let's you rub and kiss his belly, follows me around the house everywhere and comes out on 40 minute walks with me and the dog. submitted by /u/No_Dragonfruit_2616 to r/cats [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ilovepopcornandcandy Originally posted to r/self Previous BoRU [New Updates]: Yesterday my brother told me he was in love with me. NEW UPDATES MARKED WITH ---- Thanks to u/saauna & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Editor’s note: removed older relevant comments for more space in this latest update, for the full original BoRU, see the link above Trigger Warnings: incest, victim blaming, stalking / harassment, obsessive behavior, mentions of racism ---- RECAP Editor's note: adding prior posts to the original title for more context. Is my adopted brother flirting with me?: February 17, 2026 OOP was adopted from Russia at age three, describes being close with her family, especially a brother close in age, but she recently feels confused and uneasy about changes in his behavior. Since they’ve been living far apart for college, he became more shy and physically affectionate in ways that feel unusual to her, such as wanting to hold her hand or keep an arm around her, which makes her uncomfortable. She’s unsure whether this shift is due to distance and emotional difficulty or if it comes across as inappropriate or flirty, and she’s conflicted about whether to address her discomfort for fear of misinterpreting the situation and creating awkwardness.   Update: Is my adopted brother flirting with me?: February 17, 2026 (same day, hours later) OOP gives an update on the previous post saying she believes her brother’s behavior is indeed inappropriate after receiving mixed and largely confirming feedback. She calls her mother to discuss the situation, though they’re worried it could disrupt the family dynamic. She rejected the idea that his behavior is due to social awkwardness, noting he has always been outgoing and recently went through a breakup, which she thinks might be influencing his actions. The situation is disturbing her, she emphasizes that she see him strictly as her brother regardless of not being biologically related, and feeling sick and devastated that their relationship may be changing.   Final update: Is my adopted brother flirting with me?: February 18, 2026 (next day) OOP recounts a phone call where her brother confessed he is in love with her, expressing remorse and fear of losing their relationship. She responded that she only sees him as a sibling and set boundaries, saying she would cut off communication if he can’t respect that. He begged her not to shut him out, this left her feeling uncomfortable, as he continued to send numerous messages afterward. She considered blocking him, plans to inform her parents and suggest a mental health check for him, and tries to prioritize school responsibilities. She hopes to preserve her relationship with the rest of her family, she acknowledges she may need to distance herself from him if his behavior continues.   Editor's note: below is summary of the original title of this BoRU. For the full original post, you can locate it in the link at the top of this BoRU Original Post: February 18, 2026 (same day, different subreddit) Per the previous tangentially posts, OOP describes a deeply distressing situation involving her adoptive brother, who grew up very close to after she was adopted from Russia. After OOP started college and living apart, his behavior toward her changed during a recent visit, him becoming physically affectionate in ways that made her uncomfortable and crossing boundaries. Eventually, he confessed that he is in love with her, which left OOP feeling shocked, disgusted, and betrayed, especially given their sibling relationship. She feels isolated and unsure how to handle the situation, torn between wanting to cut off contact and fearing he may harm himself.   Have you ever felt less than your biological siblings?: February 19, 2026 (next day) OOP shares her thoughts on being adopted from Russia at a young age and growing up in a family where she looked visibly different from her biological siblings, which often led others to assume she wasn’t truly part of the family. Despite her parents’ strong efforts to make her feel included and loved, she experienced exclusion and subtle discrimination, particularly from extended family members on her father’s side, who would treat her differently and intentionally isolate her. She acknowledges her parents did a great job and recognize her own racial privileges, recent family issues caused her to revisit and process lingering feelings of being ostracized and not fully belonging within her families.   Small Update: February 19, 2026 (next day from the original title post) OOP had a meeting with her counselor at her university. She was advised to call her parents to express her concerns about her brother and the uncomfortable situation he puts OOP in. She gave her thanks to the redditors for the support regarding the incident with her brother.   I called my parents: February 19, 2026 (same day, later that night) OOP described a difficult conversation with her parents after preparing with her counselor, during which she shared evidence of her brother’s increasingly inappropriate and concerning behavior, including excessive calls, boundary-crossing physical contact, and messages suggesting romantic feelings. Her parents reacted seriously, especially her mother, who was apologetic and concerned, while her father appeared disturbed and, at one point, redirected blame toward OOP’s clothing, adding to the distress. OOP expressed clear needs for space and asked that her brother not contact her while also urging their parents to check on his mental health. The situation remains unresolved, with the parents planning to follow up after speaking with the brother.   Update #1: February 20, 2026 (next day) OOP still has the ongoing stress and confusion after her parents spoke with her brother, who denied his behaviors and blamed his messages on being drunk, which OOP does not believe. Her father seems to minimize the situation as a lapse in judgment, her mother remains uncertain, leaving OOP feeling unsupported and frustrated. Her brother continues to ignore boundaries by contacting OOP casually, increasing her discomfort and fear. OOP is torn between wanting him to get help and wanting to protect herself, no longer feeling safe returning home and considering different living arrangements. She is also thinking about confiding in her sister for support, as they struggle with the emotional burden and uncertainty of how seriously their parents are taking the situation.   Update #2: Brother said he was going to come see me for Spring Break: February 23, 2026 (three days later) OOP shares a final update explaining that she chose to block her brother after he repeatedly ignored her boundaries, sending him a message stating she needed space for her well-being. Despite this, he continued contacting her, using other platforms and, during an accidental call, expressed desperation to stay connected and suggested visiting her city, which made OOP increasingly uncomfortable and fearful. OOP firmly refused, reiterated her need for distance, and blocked him everywhere. She recognizes he may be struggling with his mental health, she no longer feel safe and are prioritizing their own protection, planning to speak with her counselor and step back from the situation. She shared the situation with their sister, who was supportive, giving OOP some emotional validation amid an otherwise distressing and unresolved family dynamics.   ----NEW UPDATES---- Editor’s note: the next two updates are over a week old, and they have not been posted here to the sub WIBTAH if I refuse to meet my mom and brother after they flew across the country to see me?: March 6, 2026 (1.5 weeks later) Long story short (I have a lot more posts about this on my profile for the full story), I (19F) was adopted at 3, my brother (20M) was 4 who was my parents’, and I have two other siblings that are also my parents’ biological children. We grew up to be very close, and I always was so grateful for our relationship. Things changed around a year ago. He had been overly touchy over Christmas, acted mellower around me, and sent me questionable texts calling me beautiful and being flirty. We go to different colleges on the opposite sides of the country so some of this I chocked up to him missing me. A few weeks ago, he confessed he developed romantic feelings for me which has snowballed into this horrible situation for my entire family. I told him I felt revolted by his confession and called my parents as I was concerned for his mental health. Everyone was shocked and confused, my parents were angry, and my brother lied and said his mental health was fine when they called after (which makes me so pissed off omg). Last week, my brother told me he wanted to come to my city during his spring break, despite having already booked a weeklong vacation with his friends in Hawaii (and I knew he was looking forward to since he’s been talking about this trip for months now). Obviously that freaked me out since he wasn’t respecting my boundaries, and I was genuinely concerned if I needed to tell the police. I called my parents, and they said that they would handle it. Imagine my surprise their way of handling it, was my mom flying out at the same time as my brother. She said she would “keep him in check” and that it would be “healing to have an intermediary resolve our issues.” I told her I had no interest in meeting up with him right now, as I felt he was escalating and it would make me incredibly nervous. It’s so strange because all the comments I have been receiving have reiterated the same thing that my brother is dangerous right now, he shouldn’t be anywhere near me, and I should even consider no-contact. Yet after my parent’s fully absorbed this, they’re calm and don’t even seem to notice how he might be dangerous? It’s like they can’t fathom their perfect son might not be so perfect and they want to maintain an illusion. I feel like my mom is trying to be the white knight in shining armor, and thinks their trip will fix this entire situation and we can just move past it. Every time I voice my worries, they’re treating me like I am over-dramatizing this situation. Would she actually even keep me safe is the question and my instincts are telling me no. Her words have been eating at me though, I feel as if though I am crazy for feeling the things that I am feeling. I feel as if I can’t event trust myself anymore? I also want to believe that my brother would never hurt me. But tell me a year ago that he confessed he was in love with me, I would have never believed it either. It’s so terribly difficult for me to determine. If I say no to meeting-up with them, I am so afraid they’re going to cut me off financially (they pay for all my expenses essentially). I would be more than happy to find a job while in college, and take out loans if need be, as I truly just want to be safe. I guess what hurts more would be potentially ex-communicated with my entire family. My parents have both handled this terribly, but I still deeply love them and don’t want to lose them forever. I just don’t know if this is risk I want to take? Would I be the asshole if I said no, despite my mom’s assurances that I will be safe? Editor’s note: OOP did not leave any comments here in this update   Update: My brother is coming for spring break/my plan: March 11, 2026 (five days later) Editor’s note: removed a part of this update as it is a rehash of the previous post Hi guys, sorry I have been busy with school these past few days. I guess this will be my last update until my brother and mother come unless something important happens (I know I have said it before, but things keep happening lol). I reported my mother and brother to the campus security department, of which they were flagged. I showed them as much evidence as I could, mainly my phone logs and hundreds of messages from my brother. It is kinda a difficult situation since my brother and mother didn't directly threaten me, but they did say during the week they would assign someone to walk me to and from classes and other campus buildings. However, I contacted my counselor, and we discussed the best plan of action for what I felt was most appropriate. I listened to everyone's suggestions and decided it would be best to go out of town during that week. I have already contacted my professors, and they have agreed to give me extenuating circumstances (and I have friends in all my classes who can take notes for me). My best friend is a godsend because she also agreed to take this week off and we are driving to her family's house a few hours away for the week. I am literally so grateful I could cry, it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. She has two brothers who live at home still, so I also feel safe knowing that if god forbid my brother or mother found me. I have muted all communications from my family besides my sister and older brother. Funnily enough my brother texted me yesterday (I check his texts every day in case they actually get threatening) and he sent "Answer your fucking phone, at least for mom. She's getting worried." I also turned off location sharing services. I am actually so fatigued I feel like I am relaying stuff that doesn't matter that much anymore, but this is just for the curious souls and also a way for me to vent. Have a good (early) morning! Editor’s note: OOP did not leave any comments here in this update   Editor's note: adding a tangential post that is possible linked to the situation with OOP's parents and brother Is there a way to turn off location on iPhone without notifying the other party?: March 13, 2026 (two days later) Title and I mean by this, when you turn off location, it tells the other person your turned it off. How do I do that without informing that person? Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in this post   I an officially cut off: March 21, 2026 (eight days later) Lol sorry for using a meme, I am just using it to cope really. My parents cancelled my credit card, my phone service, and essentially everything else they provided for me. It's a good day because now I have no obligations to them anymore. Maybe I will write later about everything that happened because it is a lot but I am free everyone. Thank you all for your advice! It means a lot. Picture of "But I am free" The image shows a silhouetted person standing outdoors at the sunset, holding their arms high above their head as a broken chain hangs from their wrists, with links snapping apart in midair. At the bottom of the image, the text reads “BUT I AM FREE,” reinforcing the theme of breaking free from constraints, and a sense of personal empowerment or release. Editor’s note: OOP did not leave any comments here in this update   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/KillMeLikeASoup My mother (66F) and father (67M) want back into my (28F) life after a three year gap following my mother's affair with my ex boyfriend (30M). TRIGGER WARNING: Stalking, harassment, infidelity, accusations of abuse Original Post Aug 16, 2015 God... where do I actually begin with this mess. I was with Dickhead (ex-boyfriend and from now only called DH) for nearly five years. We met in college and hit it off. Never had a fight or anything of that nature. I'm fairly level headed and always seek communication first which worked out really well in our favour. When we finished up our courses, I got a job close to my family and moved back with DH in tow. He eventually got a good job too and everything seemed perfect. Then, three years ago and just after we'd become engaged (his idea alone! I'd no idea he'd even wanted to get married), I came home early one day to find him having sex with my mom. Trust me when i saw that if I could've burned the eyes out of my head at that point I would have. I literally had nightmares for months after of him taking her doggy style over the kitchen table. Long story short, I threw the engagement ring at him, pushed my crying mother away from me and took off. I obviously told my father straight away who wasn't surprised to my horror. Apparently they'd been talking about opening their relationship for awhile and had just done so. She'd never told him who she'd intended on partnering with. He actually said that maybe I needed to really think whether monogamy was really the right way and what harm was there really in my mom having a little fun with DH. You have to understand at this point that my dad gets into the phases where he gets completely absorbed into lifestyles he reads about and thinks they suit him better - such as when we were young he went through a phase were he felt that the hunter-gatherer lifestyle is the right way and got us all learning to hunt. As hard as that was to stomach my father saying that to me, I knew that what happens to them is their own business. My dad had basically approved my mother's betrayal of me. This is where I really lucked out (thank you personal finance advisor I went to during college!). I'd been the only one of us saving for a house and had a nice tidy sum of money locked up in my account. So I left. Took off. No note, no message. Handed in my notice at my job, rang my landlord and paid whatever it took to free me from the lease. I left all the furnishings and stuff I owned because I just didn't care. I packed a bag of clothes and essentials, got into my car and went. I had a blast. I crossed the states in the best roadtrip I've ever had all by myself. I eventually found another job on the west coast and have worked it ever since. Met my husband, had a really small wedding as neither of us are big on those sort of things and now have a beautiful three month old son after a pretty hard pregnancy. In all that time, I only kept in touch with my sisters. They attended my wedding secretly as I didn't want my parents knowing anything about my life as they'd only try to come too and ruin it all. They were the first to hear of my pregnancy, etc. My husband knows everything btw. Just in case you're wondering. The problem I'm faced with is that my younger sister confessed to my parents everything. About where I am, about the fact I'm married and that I've had a baby. I've not been able to get in touch with my sis since I started getting letters and phonecalls from them. It's all one big giant guilt trip. They whine about how much they miss me, how they've missed such important events in my life and how they want to know their first grandchild. Not an hour ago I got a voice message from DH who was blubbering a sob story over how he thought I was dead or something. About how devasted he was and still is that I left him and now to find out that I've moved on. My husband is a star. He's basically just said that whatever I decide he'll stand behind me 100%. My real issue is that my resolve is starting to crack. I look at my son and think that maybe he should know them. I mean he has wonderful grandparents in my in-laws but surely he should know my own family too. I just need advice here! Should I stay strong or are they right in that I shouldn't have done what I did? TLDR: My mother had an affair with my ex. I left and disappeared. Three years later, my parents have found out about my new life and want back in. What should I do? RELEVANT COMMENTS 34sizl56 That is harrowing story and I'm so sorry that you went through that. But just looking at a few things from your story, "He actually said that maybe I needed to really think whether monogamy was really the right way" WTF, that's what he has to say to his daughter at that point? And "They whine about how much they miss me, how they've missed such important events in my life and how they want to know their first grandchild." So, the important things in this situation are all about them? I think you might want to mosey on over to /r/raisedbynarcissists/ OOP You know, I'm so used to my father saying stuff like that that I couldn't see it as being so dreadfully different from his normal. It was only when my husband mentioned to me a few minutes ago whether I could imagine saying something like that to our child... god. Maybe I should go to that subreddit! ~ Moosterman_1976 First of all I cant imagine how much the betrayal must have hurt and you are amazing for moving on and finding a happy life. As for your parents if you can go back you are a better person than me, the fact they are guilt tripping you after everything plus the fact that DH knows your situation and contact details shows that they are still in contact with him and that in all probability nothing has changed. It appears to me you are the only one who seems to have suffered any real hurt and for that I would let sleeping dogs lie with this one. OOP It did hurt a lot at the time because I lost everything. I couldn't stay and had to leave it all behind. Not so much anymore. My new life is great. I just sometimes feel a little weak when I think of all the stuff I'd thought me and my mother would have done together. Like getting ready for the baby and buying my wedding dress. Luckily my husband's mother is the sweetest woman I've ever met. She's become my mom. :) Moosterman_1976 In those weak moments ask yourself what would you get out of re-establishing contact with your parents or more specifically your mother? Are you looking for some sort of closure or is it just going to re-open old wounds? Your parent seem like very selfish people so you need to adopt the same stance when dealing with them. Best of luck OOP i don't think closure is ever really possible. I guess I do miss my mother as I knew her but I can't ever get her back. Even now when I think of her I just see that fucking ktichen all over again. :( I think the contact has to stop really. I just know what they're like. If their letters and stuff don't get though then I'd imagine they'd turn up at my door. I'm actually half terrified that they're on their way right now. So much so that I've even mentioned to my husband about selling up and moving. He's not impressed at that. And by not impressed, he means at my parents that they cause that sorta of fear in me that I'd give up our family home to escape them. How did Dickhead get her number? I've no idea how he knows or even got my number but I'd imagine he did get it from them. I don't want to even think of the possiblities of that. It's entirely their own business but i can totally see your point as horrible as it is. As for my husband, I'm certain he's safe but I can see what you mean. I don't want him feeling in anyway insecure over an asshole from my past. My only fear is that they know where I live. I just have this horrible pit in my stomach that one day they'll just turn up at my door. I've been talking to my husband about maybe looking into moving. The most he's willing to do is go and stay with his parents for a few days. UPDATE: Hey guys, Just wanted to say really quickly just how blown away I am by all the messages and support. Even those who say that this is fake as you guys validate every time I've ever told somebody my parents are dead rather than having to tell the truth. So thanks for that! Just a really short update in that my sister got in touch. We'll be talking properly in another hour when she's free so I'm bracing myself for that talk. I'll try to update for you all eventually. I've actually found this really therapeutic. Special thanks for all those who suggested /r/raisedbynarcissists. I've read a few threads and its been really eye opening to see that what I had thought as "normal" was completely removed from it. Thanks again, everyone! Update Sept 29, 2015 (6 weeks later) Hey everyone, original: https://redd.it/3h6wpg It's been quite awhile since I last posted and things have been a little crazy so posting an update was firmly pushed to the back of the to-do list until today. Before I start, I just wanna say thanks so much to all those who replied - even those who said this was fake. You've no idea how good it was to see people who honestly believed this was so far out that it couldn't be real. :) Really helped solidify my decision that they weren't getting any more contact. My younger sister and I talked. To be honest, it was not a pleasant conversation. I was essentially berated for not being forgiving enough, that family is family and that I was cheating our parents from being part of my life and that of my son's. Thankfully - and in no small part due to all of you knocking some sense into me! - I basically told her to fuck off and hung up the phone. I cried for a long time. I hadn't seen this coming at all and it really hurt, almost as bad as when this had all exploded the first time. What really has me confused is what had happened to her that had created this huge swing in opinion that suddenly I'm the bad guy for wanting a normal life without my parents ruining it again. Even now I've no idea what happened only that she woke up one day and now thinks I'm the worst person in the world. So after that was where my husband really stood up. He bundled me and the small one into a car and drove us all up to his parents place for a few days - he called them and explained everything that was happening and his mother insisted that we get away from the house for a bit to have a break away from it all. When we got there, his mom nearly smothered me with kindness (she's very much a mommy person!) and took every opportunity to babysit my son and leave me rest. My husband, while I was relaxing and unknowing of what he was up to, called my other sister and got her up to speed in what was going on. From what I tell, since it's been all out war between them and my parents. My older sister - from now called B - barged over that very night and apparently read the riot act to our younger sister, M. It got pretty heated from what I can tell and since then B has cut M off completely. Which is a huge problem for M as B helped fund her way through college. After that fight, B got in her car and drove all the way back to our parents house and there it got even messier. She rang after to tell my husband that our parents had actually been packing suitcases when she arrived. They'd bought plane tickets to our state and planned on leaving midway during that week. B blew up. The fight was pretty brutal I'm sure - B is razor sharp with things - and then she left. She couldn't convince them to not travel over to me. She left with what details she could get of their flight times. My husband decided that he wouldn't tell me just yet - my freakout earlier at them potentially turning up had convinced him that I needed to be as uninvolved in this as possible. Instead he left me at his parents while he went back to our house to wait for them to arrive. When they did, he apparently answered the door and told them to get off his property. My father and him had a blazing argument which ended when he tried to break down the door which my husband used as prime motivation to call the police. When they arrived, my father tried to claim that my husband was keeping me caged up like a prisoner and not allowing me to see my family. I know this because I received a phone-call and visit from the local PD in his parent's area to follow up on the claim. That also alerted me to the fact they'd followed up on that threat and had actually crossed the country to reach me. So... they've gone back east as they couldn't get anywhere near me or my baby but since then the trouble hasn't stopped. We've gotten at least eight notices from their lawyers in regards to getting access to our son - our own told us that it was incredibly unlikely that they'll get anything. We've also had four visits from the CPS and PD because of anonymous calls about things from our parenting to me being a battered wife. -_- Our lawyer thinks these are orchestrated so that if the case goes to court they can point to a "record". And, chalk this one down to me being paranoid, I just have this really bad gut feeling that they've hired a PI or something. B is telling me to hold the line. She's going through something similar herself. She's had five police visits in the last month - one of which was apparently over an anonymous call that she was running a brothel! I guess we've really pushed our parents to the edge that they rather ruin our lives than leave us alone. As to everything else, we're planning on moving. Not sure when or where yet but even husband is growing tired of the drama. We're still in the planning stages and trying to find out every way possible of making sure that if we do move, we can legally prevent them from finding out. It's just all so damn tiring. What's sadder is that I know this isn't really about me. It's about my baby and my parents trying to exert some sort of control over his life and mine. Today has just been such a long day. Any similar stories/ advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated as today was the first day I find the future just seems a bleak hole of legal entanglements and crazy parents. TLDR: My parents are assholes and I don't think I can escape them. FINAL COMMENTS Lordica You're in the process of getting a restraining order, right? nerdyhandle I hope she is because this is clearly harassment. She should talk to her lawyer because there are paper trails to CPS complaints and PD calls. If the parents have made several complaints to CPS and those complaints have been deemed false by CPS. CPS may even go after the parents. OOP Our lawyer is looking into it but it takes time unfortunately. Right now he's doing really well keeping them at bay with increasingly aggressive counter letters and recording everything that occurs. The problem is that they've been very careful not to actually let on that it's them doing it. Right now, as our lawyer says, it's a case of their word versus ours and that we'd secure a far better and more long term order if we get some proof to back up what we suspect. Unfortunately the legal aspect isn't considered harassment and the calls to the PD and CPS haven't shown up as them. He's hopeful though. Thinks that they'll make a mistake and we can link them to the calls if they keep doing it. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Hello. Long post incoming. This is an update to this post https://www.reddit.com/r/catquestions/s/CghiflPtvm couldn’t tell you what happened to my old account if mods want to verify i’m the owner of this cat id be happy to do so. I have pictures and vet statements i cant attach as you can only add one video per post it seems. I wanted to use the one people might be familiar with prelude: if you don’t want to read this long ass post then don’t! I don’t blame you, I probably wouldn’t either lol , but please do not comment unless you read the whole thing because I swear I answer most questions about my cat’s behavior and our situation . I’ll be happy to answer anything I haven’t in the comments. I’m willing to try anything within reason. Im not sure if anyone will remember but a few months ago I posted about my cat (same video above i can’t seem to attach more than one video so i’ll use the one that might be familiar to some people) disclaimer: I’m really just troubleshooting here this doesn’t replace me trying to work it out with my vet. I’ve seen 2 neurological specialists and 3 normal vets. I talked to two behavioralists and they were very useless and very overpriced so I’m not considering seeing another one. (the advice was deadass to sing to my cat and see if that help and he told me to throw a blanket over my cat and forcibly hug him to create “a bond” and the other one told me my cat sensed I was annoyed by him and was meowing to say sorry and told me to meow back…when I told her I already tried that she literally said “Well I don’t know how to help someone who hates their cat” so yay!!! (for the record I don’t hate him I was just explaining his habits as neutrally as I could) That was $2,500. I can’t find more options for less than $500 per appointment l and there aren’t any credentials for being an animal behaviorist so i’m just wary of it now. It’s way cheaper to go to an actual veterinary professional. What i’ve tried: I’ve had my cat on prozac, sertaline and more recently gabapentin. I’ve tried CBD treats on occasion and I have a feilway. I live in the city so he can’t go outside. He has never been outside ever. He is fixed and has cat trees, scratching posts and I try to play with him daily with lasers, springs, feathers and cat wands but he’s just not interested in playing with any toys i have tried. He likes to scratch and lay by the window but he’ll bolt in you get within a few feet of him. He is aloof and doesn’t like to be touched, he doesn’t like puzzle treats and isn’t the brightest. I’ve held him one when I brought him home and once when I bathed him lol I don’t think i’ve ever been able to pet him but sometimes he’ll sit next to me. Main post: The issue is as follows. A year and a half ago I got him from a shelter and he has an issue with constant crying since day 1. He screams constantly and doesn’t stop even if he’s laying down and seemingly comfortable, he does it when he uses his scratch posts and only stops while he’s eating or drinking and can’t use his mouth. He stops when he sleeps but I swear he only sleeps when i’m out of the apartment. Longest break i’ve had since living with him was about 30 minutes before he started up again. At first I thought he was stressed because of the shelter and then stressed because of a new home but the issue has never gone away. He’s 3 years old (he was just bathed in this video his fur is normally in good condition. He has been bathed once in his life and it’s not relevant to the crying. He needed a bath I don’t bathe him regularly, the bath is completely irrelevant to this issue) I’ve gotten bloodwork done, x-rays, fecal tests, infectious disease testing, radiographs (might not be what they’re called but I mean radiology imagining) ultrasounds, CT scans, an MRI, a dental checkup, urinalysis, 2 different metabolic tests, and a gastrointestinal check to rule out any medical issues. He doesn’t have any, and my vets have let me know that there really aren’t any more tests to run. Considering he has no symptoms other than being vocal they have said it’s just a quirk or anxiety. So we put him on sertaline to see if it would help, then prozac when it didn’t, and then gabapentin. All failed and the gabapentin made him aggressive…like genuinely vicious, he would lunge at me whenever I walked in my apartment so we took him off it after the symptoms started. He didn’t any aggression issues before. He isn’t medicated anymore and his behavior is better but still worse than before the gab. Hes still having troubles with aggression and putting him on gabapentin was definitely a big mistake. We waited 6 months for each of the anti-anxiety meds before switching. My vets don’t believe he has anxiety anymore because he shows no symptoms (minus the yelling) and anti-anxiety medications haven’t changed his behavior. HE IS ALSO NOT DEAF OR BLIND. He responds to sound constantly and passed 3 separate BARE tests. His teeth have also been checked. I free feed him because he doesn’t overeat and is on the skinnier side so he can eat whatever, I’ve tried different food but right now he gets wet food for dinner and breakfast and dry kibble left out throughout the day he’ll munch on. He gets royal canin. He eats at 8am and then at 8pm and his dry food is left out thought he usually just has a couple bites. He likes fish but he doesn’t like any cat treats including churu’s and temptations. He only stops crying when there is food in his mouth and he’s not very food motivated. He lives with me in my apartment but I am moving next week, and he has plenty of toys scratch posts, trees and enrichment. I try to play with him for an hour a day but he is not a very playful cat and he usually just walks away from me when I try to play, he doesn’t play by himself either. If I approach him he runs off, he doesn’t like people and doesn’t care to be pet. He used to sometimes sit with me before the gabapentin but now he is hissy with me and gets angry if i’m the same room as him. He’s bitten and scratched me kinda whenever he’s seen me since then so I try to avoid him. I did not try to avoid him before. But before this he was always crying too. It stops when I leave the house- I know this because I set up a camera with audio and he will stop crying when he knows I’m gone. I’ve had friends watch him (only overnight never for more than 12 hours because i’m not evil) and he cries then too. He is also too aggressive with strangers after the gabapentin sideffects so I can’t leave him anymore since I don’t want anyone getting hurt. If I follow him he hides and continues to cry, he has gotten aggressive before when I follow him (this happened even before the side effects) so I just leave him be. He’s a very independent and aloof cat. his background: He was the single kitten of a stray mom cat, they were not bonded and were separated when my cat was like 10 weeks old, the mom cat was adopted out and my cat stayed in the shelter untill I adopted him when he was 2. This is typical. I was not told about the crying issue and was immediately blocked on social media and on imessage after adopting my cat and the shelter has not helped. They’ve since closed down and don’t take animals anymore. My cat has never been outside, I tried to take him out in a stroller and he got a little viscous so I don’t think i’ll be doing that again. I have no idea where mom cat is and I can’t reunite them to see if it would help. “hE nEeDs a FrIeNd!!!!”—6 months ago I got him a cat friend. I received a lot of comments and dms telling me having a single cat was neglect and it would solve the issue and I let emotions go to my head and made a dumb choice. I adopted a cat from my local (different than the one i got OG cat at) shelter and kept them separated in different rooms and didn’t let them interact for a week then I started scent swapping their blankets and beds , and 14 days after adopting the new cat I swapped their places by putting them in eachtohers rooms (my OG cat still got to free roam I just kept my new cat in my study room (2 bedroom apartment) This is whenOG cat started hissing so I started back at square one. (all of this was before the gabapentin and his aggression issues) I started again and I kept them fully separated for another week then began swapping their scents again- OG cat started hissing at new cats scent which he didn’t do before so I started again and kept them apart for 2 weeks- they’ve been living together for a month at this point. I tried again and this time was able to let them see each other without issue so I let them meet face to face but my OG cat attacked the new cat so I started over and know I can’t get past the scent swapping without both of them hissing and growling. I kept them fully separated-but the my new cat would constantly pee himself because my OG cat cries scare him. I gave him to a friend and the new cat is doing great now. Please no comments on me being a cat abuser for rehoming him, he has a great life now and my apartment wasn’t a good environment for him. He has a better life now than he did with me. Where am at now: I don’t know what else to do, the crying is so bad I hallucinate hearing it when i’m not home and I can’t sleep at my apartment anymore either. Yay! I don’t really have a life anymore and Im probably leaving college after this semester because of how this all has effected my mental health I spent all my savings (literally 20k but it was a lot to me(my fault I know i feel stupid about it already). I also have to leave my apartment after this month because the crying got so bad my neighbors complained .This has all apparently built up over a year and a half and the landlord isn’t going to rent to me anymore (which is fair,) but I was never once told the neighbors complained about the cat so this was kinda a shock (but that’s kinda on me for not realizing.) So i’m sure the new place is going to completely stress my cat out and make everything worse. I know some people have very vocal cats but it’s nothing like that. It is constant endless screaming and I am desperate for help. I have tried a thunder shirt as well and that hasn’t helped. I am so desperate to get rid of this cat. I don’t blame him because he’s literally a cat, but I would do anything to get rid of him and ensure he’s in a good home. I have called all the no kill shelters in my city (yes, every single one) and all are either full or just not willing to take my cat. It is harder now that he has become aggressive. I gave him to a foster once last year and told her if she couldn’t handle it to bring my cat back to me and my cat was back in apartment less than 24 hours later. No other foster have been able to take him. I’ve had a few meet and greets (I have them stay for a full hour so they get how bad the screaming is and each of them have refused-i totally get it) These are experienced fosters through organizations not just randos on the street. They all say they will 100% be able to take my cat and then they meet him and change their minds. He is nearly impossible to adopt, he is now considered aggressive and screams 24/7 as loud as he does in this video and only stops with food in his mouth when he literally can’t yell. I have been actively trying to rehome him for nearly a year and nothing has worked out. Everyday I try to find him a new home and post about him. But my only option would be to take him to a kill shelter and I know he will never be adopted and will be put down- so it’s up to me to find him a new home. So I will probably have to keep him untill he dies because nobody else would ever want him (I’m not trying to be cruel, again it’s not my cats fault but it is the reality and I won’t lie to potential adopters because then they’ll just return him or surrender him) I don’t know what to make this better and am open to any suggestion from people who’ve read the entirety of this post.(thank you for reading I know it’s so long) i’ve reached out to farmers to see if he could potentially be a barn cat but him not getting along with other cats kinda rules that out, I got advice to reach out to the dodo and jackson galaxy and did but they haven’t gotten back to me and I don’t expect them to. It’s at the point where i’m considering just having him euthanized before i move because I think it would be kinder than surrendering him but since he’s medically healthy I don’t think i’d be able to live myself which is why i’ve had him this long. If anybody is deaf and wants him hmu. submitted by /u/Downtown_Cry7204 to r/CATHELP [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Logrolling_In_ON Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest I think my sister just ruined our dad’s engagement to an amazing woman, and I hate her so much Trigger Warnings: exploitation, death of loved ones, manipulation, verbal abuse ---- Original Post: February 8, 2026 I am really angry right now at my stupid entitled brat of a sister. I want to use a different B-word but I don’t think I can post with it, just know it is the one I mean. I wish I could type out just how much I hate her right now, so maybe this will help. There’s so much I want to yell at her, or just get off my chest, but we’re at our grandparents' place and I can’t lash out at her like she deserves (and she knows it too). I don’t know how much of it is relevant but here goes hoping I’m less angry when I’m done. BACKGROUND My family is me and my twin Sebastian (16M and he’s writing this with me), our sister Lisa (17F), our dad Sean (41M) and our (former?) future stepmom Amy (36F) (fake names obvs). Our mom died 9 years ago. Dad didn’t date for 5 years, then briefly dated a disaster called Riley, then took another break from dating. He met Amy around 3 years ago, introduced us 2 years ago, we all moved together to a bigger house a year ago, and they got engaged 6 months ago. Before Riley was even in the picture, we weren’t thrilled dad had started dating again but we went to therapy as a family to work through it. We made peace with it for most part, but then Riley came, and she was just the worst. She was rude, jealous of our mom’s memory, gold digger, didn’t like us, she was all around horrible. The three of us kind of made an agreement that we would not allow anyone to erase our mom, we would never allow anyone to adopt us, and we would be polite but keep our distance from whomever dad dated. It felt like we were honoring mom that way, without stopping our dad from moving on. We also started calling the three of us + dad “the Core Four”. Getting to know Amy though, and then moving in together, we have done a 180 on that (me and Seb more than Lisa). Amy is just good people. She is crazy smart and nerdy (has like 3 degrees (one in psychology which explains a lot) and we all play DnD together), she is successful, artistic, athletic, deadpan hilarious. She has an energy like when we’re around family and they’re all loud and crazy, she talks and people just shut up and listen. Don’t know how best to describe that, like she is wise and kind and patient, but also an absolute sigma BAB. She is cool to hang out with, and she loves our dad. She also sets him straight a lot, we kind of default to her as our neutral 3rd party when there’s a disagreement, and she is very good at navigating that. She is just really cool. She is also genuinely interested in our lives and hobbies, she has at least one thing with each of us. Seb and her do artsy stuff and they both play tennis, she plays video games with me, she and Lisa read A LOT and go book shopping like every few months, the house is filled with books, she is teaching Lisa how to drive, they are both K-pop fans etc. I honestly think they clicked more quickly and naturally, and vibe the best (whenever Lisa allows it). Amy also never stops us talking about our mom, she respectfully encourages it. There’s a few pictures of mom around the house still and she’s totally ok with that, like she is not threatened by mom’s presence at all. She once helped Seb make a painting of a photo of the five of us (Dad, mom, Lisa, me and Seb) for our maternal granddad’s birthday. Even my mom’s family like her, my aunt (mom’s sister) and her have become good friends. She asks them and dad about mom when we mention something we all used to do, and we found out a few months ago that she also lost her dad when she was 12. I think that settled a lot of things for Lisa, who I know sometimes uses our mom to try to spite Amy (though again, Amy would either kill her with kindness or just move on). Dad loves Amy, and she makes him happy. Like, she is his balance in a way. They go so well together. Our dad is awesome, patient, smart, strict but kind, goofy sometimes, he has his own hangups but he is slow to anger and always open to discuss anything with us. He doesn’t yell at us (much), but he is supportive and overall has been a great dad. She and dad made it very clear she has absolutely no intention of replacing mom, that she’s a person of authority in the household without being a parent, that she’s open to whatever relationship we want to have with her and it’s a 2-way street. She has never demanded or pushed for anything other than “basic human-to-human respect and kindness”. WHY LISA SUCKS While we are really doing well and getting along great, Lisa sometimes gets whiplash and randomly regresses to Riley-time, especially after Amy and her spend time together having fun. It’s like she’s trying to rile Amy up to justify why she thinks dad dating is a bad idea. She snaps at random stuff just to bump heads, only it’s not working very well because… Amy is just not bumping. She isn’t engaging Lisa when she’s like this, she will maybe set a boundary (like “I will not engage with you when you act like this”) and after that is completely uninterested in Lisa’s outbursts, and lets our dad handle it. It doesn't feel like it's out of spite though. Best I can describe it is Amy is living her life, legit happily and willingly making offers and openings to all of us, Lisa included, without making a big deal out of it. When Lisa doesn’t participate and/or says something snarky or downright rude, Amy just shrugs and goes on with her life. If we ask her if she’s upset or angry at Lisa for lashing out, she says she understands how Lisa must be feeling, that everyone is allowed a tantrum every once in a while, and that she knows Lisa is a good girl and she will come around on her own. And true enough, when Lisa then calms down and apologizes (with or without dad’s mediation), again Amy doesn’t make a big deal out of it and they pick up where they left off. For example: We were having dinner and Lisa was arguing with her and dad, and said she didn’t want what Amy cooked because it smelled “disgusting” and started insulting Amy’s country where the dish was from, even though she usually loves it. Amy just said “suit yourself” like she could not care less, served the rest of us, and sat down and started eating and talking to Seb and I. Dad took Lisa to talk and after they came back, he asked Amy if it would be ok for Lisa to still sit and eat with us. Amy said “sure” and continued chatting. Lisa apologized for her comments (without dad prompting her) and Amy just smiled, said “thank you” and kept talking to Seb like nothing happened. When the conversation naturally drifted to something related to Lisa, Amy just spoke to her normally. The issue is, the very few times Amy does respond in kind, when she’s tired or has had enough, nothing we say gets to her, like she stops caring. Like she gets suddenly quiet and throws something back at you, and you just never expect it, because overwhelmingly she is the calm and mature one when there’s an issue. Seb calls this “SABA - Sneak Attack by Amy”. If I could pick one flaw of Amy that would be it. She is just brutal sometimes when she’s had enough, or something bad happens at work, and it just comes out of left field. She destroys you and doesn’t even blink. It is immensely enjoyable to witness when she goes SABA on our behalf, but not so much when we trigger it. To clarify, Amy is like, ridiculously patient 99% of the time, and incredibly effective in managing conflict. She also can recognize when she’s close to that line so she either steps away or warns us, and we usually understand and back off, and then she follows up on her own and she always says thank you for waiting to talk. If she goes too low when SABAing, she always apologizes and makes amends. We are quite good at communicating as a family for the most part (thanks to her mostly), but once in a while when we push and Amy goes there it’s not good. Sometimes it’s just snark, like once I told her, “fuck you” mid-fight, Amy just shrugged and said “your father does that enough, I’ll let him know he has your blessing”. Seb was yelling about a missed practice (his fault), she yawned mid-sentence and got up, he was like “wtf where are you going!?” and she was like “I’m not interested in a baby throwing a tantrum”. It is worse with Lisa, because Lisa goes personally when she’s angry. But when the SABA line is crossed, Amy just doesn’t care. Lisa once asked, “how does it feel to know you wouldn’t be here if our mom was still alive?” Amy thought about it and said “I would probably be living my best life in the Bahamas with a rich European prince and no brats to bust my balls, so much better”. Another time Amy was having a pregnancy scare, and Lisa said something like “you will never have children of your own” and Amy just said “I hope not, I like my p_ssy tight, and so does your dad”. It always shocks us when she goes SABA because she is usually kind, considerate and patient. The Core Four have discussed all of this in therapy, and Lisa acknowledges she’s just scared and angry at the idea of Amy replacing mom, though we all point out just how uninterested Amy is in that role. I personally don’t feel like she would ever replace mom, and we joke sometimes about calling each other “mother/son”. When Lisa acts out, there are always consequences from dad, things are discussed in therapy, and for a while everything is calm again. The therapist suggested we add Amy to our sessions once in a while, but Lisa is not open to that “yet”. Dad is also bringing up more often whether Lisa should get individual therapy but she doesn’t want to. Legit Lisa and Amy get along so well when Lisa isn’t behaving like this. WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY Yesterday the three of us (Seb, I and Lisa) spent time with our grandparents and cousins, helped them with the snow, then grabbed dinner, and came home late. Dad and Amy were talking about wedding stuff in the kitchen, and we overheard dad discussing adoption very loosely, like if Amy would ever be up for it if we wanted to at some point as adults. Lisa immediately lost it, burst in and started screaming at him about mom, that she hates him, that he is only thinking with his d_ck, then turned to Amy, started insulting her, wished her dead, and said “I will never want a [C-word] like you to be my mom”. Amy just very calmly said “what makes you think I would ever choose you to be my daughter?” That one hurt Lisa, like we could see the physical recoil. Dad took her up to her room and they talked for a long time, there were raised voices, then Lisa was crying, but couldn’t tell what was being said. Amy stayed down, talking to us, clarifying the adoption conversation was entirely hypothetical. We asked her more questions, she was responding slowly and quietly. She didn’t answer us when we asked about wedding prep or how she was feeling. She was shaking and trying to keep it together, I have never seen her like this. We were quiet for a bit, then Seb told her what she said was a very low blow, and she smiled sadly and just said “maybe so”. When dad came down Amy got up in slow motion, put on her coat, gathered some stuff and was out the door in like 2 minutes. Dad was almost crying, trying to get her to stay and talk. It was late, snowing, she was whispering “Not tonight. I have to leave. Be there for your sons. I’m sorry” over and over and she started crying and she got in her car and left. We sat down with dad, he was a mess, he let us know Lisa will be getting individual therapy on top of family therapy and it was non-negotiable. He asked us if we felt we needed individual therapy as well. Seb said no, I said I’m not sure right now, and we tried to talk a bit about what happened. He asked how we are feeling, but he was a wreck and then he started tearing up, so we just hugged him and he cried so hard. He cried so much. I have not seen my dad cry so hard since mom died. He kept telling us it’s ok and he didn’t want us to worry, but he was just crying and I had no words, I just kept saying I am sorry, and Seb was telling him it will be ok and Amy will be back and we will all work it out, and he kept saying “no she won’t, not this time she won’t”. He then started saying he was sorry, and asked if we knew he loved us, and then he asked if he had neglected us, if we felt he didn’t love us enough after Amy moved in, if he was a good dad. I wanted to p_nch Lisa so hard in that moment, for making him doubt that even for a second. As if moving on from our mom after almost a decade, and landing someone he is genuinely happy with and who IS A GOOD PERSON, is a sin. Amy wasn’t in the house today. Dad has red eyes and he looks like he has aged 10 years. He said good morning, I asked if Amy came home last night, he said no but not to worry and she is safe. He spoke very quietly, made us breakfast. When Lisa came down, he just gave her a look and turned around, didn’t speak to her. She started crying, saying she’s sorry, and went to hug him. He stepped back and told her “I don’t want to hug you right now” and his voice was just shattered. She just lost it and kept crying and apologizing, kept saying she really likes Amy and she wants them to get married and for him to be happy. She said she loves him, and kept asking if he still loves her, and dad said “I will always love you as my daughter, but I don’t love you as Lisa right now”. I think that’s the harshest thing he has ever said to any of us. I didn’t think he had it in him. I am glad he said it, I am happy Lisa kept crying. She deserves it. We are back with our grandparents, dad said he’s trying to get Amy to come to the house and talk in person. We haven’t told our grandparents all the details, nor do they know all the vile shit that Lisa says to Amy, because I know they will be so disappointed in her. I hate her right now. She’s pretending to read in the corner but she flips a page every like 10 minutes. God I want to yell at her so bad, like tear her a new one and let her have it, I'm practically vibrating. If she ruins this for dad, for ALL OF US like fuck… I hate her so much right now. That’s it. I don’t feel better. Fuck her. Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: Oh man OP. that’s awful. I’m so sorry. I hope it can be fixed. Have you and Sebastian reached out to Amy? Pls update if there is one . I am rooting for you. OOP: We're left on "delivered" :( It snowed A LOT on Friday, and I honestly don't think she has anywhere to go. Dad said she's safe and they are in contact, but I'm worried. No I am so beyond worried, I am scared she won't want anything to do with him or us anymore. Another person said here like me and Seb are holding this together, not true. Amy has been holding this fucked up family together for so long, and now she's gone and none of us know how to feel or act. And I know we're not a fucked up family but it feels like we, collectively, just finally broke her, she is the best thing that could have happened to dad. TO ALL OF US and Lisa just fucked it up, I've spent so many years without a mom figure around, just us and dad, and I WANT AMY, I want her as a stepmom, fuck I want her as a mom I'm ok with having 2 moms. I don't feel guilty saying this, maybe it's because I'm more angry than sad, but I don't care. OOP responds to a long comment regarding relationships with their Dad, Amy, and each other OOP: Like, this is what gets me because Lisa and Amy get along so much better than me and Seb do, until these bursts. They are few and far between, they still happen but the default is them just huddle up in a corner reading the same book and talking a lot, going out a lot, just hanging out A LOT, with aunt as well, and Lisa makes a lot of these plans. We talked about us moving together in therapy for months, and Lisa was the first one in favor exactly because she said she wants another girl in the house, Seb and I delayed the green light because it was kind of a men's den before Amy. And like Lisa loves Amy. She says it randomly on her own, she admits it in therapy... is she lying? And replacing mom? Like it's crazy if she feels this way. We talked about this as a family last year, and Amy was incredibly against replacing mom in any way. Her dad died when she was a child and she was like "if anyone randomly told me I would now have a new dad, I would have laughed at their face". She is so laid back on her approach to us, like it's up to us, she says she's next to dad, but not in mom's place. Like, Lisa's class did an unofficial "dance" last year and she was sad she wouldn't go shopping with mom, and saying how mom wouldn't be there to see her all dressed up etc. And she said all that to Amy, and Amy comforted her, told her she should wear one of mom's necklaces. Then 3 days later Amy showed her a picture of our mom at a party with our dad when they were young, and then she had found a link to a dress similar to what our mom was wearing, and asked Lisa if she wanted to wear that to the dance so she could have a "little bit of your mom's energy with her". And they went and got it and Lisa was ecstatic and like broke down and hugged Amy so hard, we had to leave them for a bit, but for real Lisa was so incredibly happy and grateful. She told us all that on her own. I don't know, I feel like defending us all of a sudden, but we have always been close (the three of us) and unless she's lying to everyone all the time, I have no idea where these fears come from. OOP answers a question about their mom and what she was like before her passing. Did Lisa have a great relationship with their mother? OOP: She and mom were ok I guess, I don't remember them having a bad relationship. She was pushing us a lot on extracurriculars, and she was angrier than dad for sure though. She was the disciplinarian, dad was more laid back and just played with us, though us more than Lisa if I'm honest. Amy is spending equal time with me and Seb and a lot more time with Lisa though. And dad and Lisa also do their own thing every once in a while, so do I, and so does Seb, we do it separately. Lisa has a lot of female support, we live very close to both sets of grandparents, and she has mom's sister (Dakota, who Amy is also close to) and also dad's sister. Our families have grown very close to each other, we all live close by as well, the support network is strong. Thank you, we need some luck. Commenter 2: I’m so sorry for everyone involved I’m going to word vomit because I’m “eating a sandwich” (himym). Sorry in advance. Part of me thinks it would benefit if Lisa wrote a letter apologizing. Part of me thinks the only way Amy will come back is if Lisa moves out. I wish someone would’ve tackled and taken Lisa out of the room jk lol I see the toll it takes on the Step Parent because my partner is a SP to my son. He tries to put on a brave face as an adult talking to a kid but its hard. For context: I have a very amicable split with my son’s dad, and everyone can coparent. Its hard when the world looks at you like you’re lesser because you’re “taking care of some other man (or woman’s) kid” ESPECIALLY if you don’t have bio kids of your own. Not having bio kids with your partner hurts. Surprisingly. (I have a medical condition). If she has no bio kids of her own, that line Lisa said is as low of a blow as her comment back. Its a big sacrifice and compromise either way. It’s probably a conversation that’s been had a lot. There is a fear. “Is this the next level of disrespect from a kid I can’t control that will end things?”. My son is extremely well behaved, which is a miracle because his dad and I were not. My son calls my Partner, Dad. He tells him he loves him times infinity. But the fear of them leaving this baggage still lingers because you know its already amazing of them to take on a responsibility they technically and biologically have no obligation too. I feel for your dad and I feel for Amy. I hope it all works out because what I see is a lot of love and hurt that time can heal with effort and sincerity. OOP: So funny story, we asked her once if she ever thought of having kids of her own, with dad or anyone else before, and she said she didn't want to give birth to kids (like there's a fear about that, I don't remember the name), but would be open to adopting if the right man came along. And she said it was because she wasn't interested in passing on her genes, but her morals and ethics and ideas and behaviors and love, and she didn't need to have biological kids to do that. It kind of made me respect her a lot more. Commenter 3: Sometimes you just decide enough is enough. Lisa might just have pushed Amy too far. Your sister needed therapy long before this. (All by herself) And don’t blame this on Riley. She’s long gone. This is all on Lisa. If you’re serious about getting Amy back then you need to make it a group effort with all of you and your dad. And Lisa should be leading it with an apology and a genuine effort to do better. Commenter 4: To you Amy is rolling with the punches but in reality, while she is rolling with the punches she feels every single one of them and what your sister said broke the camels back so to speak. This will take time for Amy and your family. I hope you guys come through better than ever. But I also hope Lisa realizes that even though she is a child, that doesn't mean she gets to use Amy as a punching bag.   Update: February 12, 2026 (four days later) UPDATE - I think my sister just ruined our dad's engagement I didn’t expect to get as many responses with my previous postnor did I expect that I would be back here. But it actually really helped. I don’t have too big of an update yet, but a few things are happening. Not all of them are positive but I guess at least there is a sort of plan? This is a little rushed, I'm sorry if it isn't formatted well. It was brutal reading so many comments speaking so badly about Lisa, like I know I said I hated her and I did in the moment, still do for a lot of this, but she’s my sister and I do love her as well. So I think seeing so many people angry at her made me very angry and defending her. Seb as well but I’m writing this alone so. A few people were telling us to give her some grace, and I really tried but I was not in any place to even look at her. Seb did talk to her though, I was present, but I didn’t want to engage, I was mostly there for him. It went like, we’re very angry at you but you’re still our sister and we love you and dad too etc. but you have to stop thinking you can do or say whatever and we’ll still like you just the same and will always be around. She was saying that family is forever and sticks by everything together no matter what happens, they don’t just up and leave, and then he told her that that’s not true, it’s actually kind of crazy stupid to think your family will put up with you no matter what you do. She was like, you’re supposed to stick together against the shit that comes our way and he got angry at that and told her SHE is the one bringing the shit in the way, and no matter the family relationship we won’t stick together with an intentional shit stirrer so unless there’s something else going on, right now she is the one in the wrong so either fess up or fix yourself. I brought up an aunt we have, dad’s first cousin, who is not part of the family anymore because she was a major gossip and she lied all the time, and nobody likes her, nobody invites her around, her siblings don’t talk to her, don’t have her over, because sure they are family but she is always bringing shit and drama in our lives so she was pushed aside. And we were like, don’t be the person we have to push aside. But if there’s something going on with Amy that we don’t know you have to tell us. She was saying there isn't anything that would make sense right now. We kind of discussed SABA and the Core Four and truly we didn’t really see some of y’alls point on Amy being offensive or a creep, because a lot of people called us out (me and Seb) on also being horrible to her as well, fueling the fire, and well that was a slap. And we kind of shut up about it because it was like, sure being told your dad fucks me is fucked up but you all were like, we should have never said “fuck you” to her in the first place, and then we (me, Seb and Lisa) realized we have each said it at least twice so she has heard it SIX TIMES at least, and she kept talking to us about it and we kept using it until that reply of hers, and well it worked because we haven’t said it again so yeah sad that we sort of have that knowledge/image in our heads now, but also sad that it had to come to internet strangers for us to realize it worked. It was really humbling for me and Seb to realize sure this time Liza was the one that crossed the line, and usually it is her that destroys the boundaries, but the two of us haven’t exactly been great at her either. I admit I cried A LOT reading some of the comments, like hard crying because you were very real on how shitty I have been to Amy, not just Lisa, like I didn't realize it I think it was just how we sometimes fight with dad and cousins and it hadn't registered how it must have been for Amy who was always in mediator/peace-keeping position. We went to family therapy on Tuesday and found out a few things about dad and Amy. They had actually known each other for a few months before they started dating, so they met close to 4 years ago via common friends. Dad’s situation with Riley was discussed at some point and he liked Amy’s perspective and approach, so they started hanging out, and then like 6 months after that started dating. They had been going to therapy together right before she was introduced to us. Every Thursday with her, every Tuesday with us. It was Amy’s suggestion to help her navigate meeting us. We then talked about what the next steps are, but first what happened was dad told Lisa again that he does love her, and he wants to understand and help but he won’t always like her, and she has to understand this, and us too, that he will always love us because he is our dad not out of obligation but because that is where the source of his love stems from but sometimes as human to human he doesn’t always like us for how we’re behaving. He was sad he had said that to her but if I'm honest I think he deserved to say it and she deserved to hear it. We told him we love him too, and Amy as well, and we’re sorry and me and Seb admitted that we have been pretty bad towards Amy. We kind of worked on this (Lisa said she wasn’t ready to talk about what happened and she wanted to talk to her own therapist first and her first is tomorrow which really pissed me off, we have been in therapy as a family for years but now she will talk after she gets her own therapist? Like what the fuck have we been doing here all this time?) Anyway we talked more about Amy and dad’s relationship and me and Seb’s relationships and we concluded that we’re kicking back hard still because with Riley she was so horrible we didn’t feel it would make a difference if we were arguing with her because she was just bad and we would fight all the time and there was no point because she would just scream back and it lead nowhere. With Amy, it was kind of working backwards in a “we feel safer being worse with her because she actually cares” situation, like she’s acting more like a mother figure than her, she talks it out with us and even when she pushes the issue to dad we still have some kind of normal parent/kid arguing before it gets to that point, which is why SABAs were just so unexpected and just shut everything down because Riley would say stuff like that ALL THE TIME and we didn’t realize just how triggering some of the stuff we were saying to Amy was, because Riley was always saying that stuff. So I am not exactly sure what that means yet, still processing it but we apologized to Dad for also being problematic, not just Lisa, Lisa’s is just more explosive, and she did apologize as well. We talked about next steps right now which is a bit complicated. Dad and Amy are both on the lease for the house, but not only is she paying more than him (like 60/40) but our landlords are close to Amy so if it came to it (which dad assured us they are not broken up yet), we would be the ones that had to move. I know my dad isn’t poor, he’s a senior SWE in Big Tech, (editor's note: Software Engineer) but Amy works in finance and is on some non-profits and has like global income, so she apparently covers more of the expenses (which includes all of our hobbies etc) She doesn’t want to come home right now, she discussed with her work to go on a business trip for 2 weeks, or if that doesn’t pan out she will go to her home country, just to give everyone some space etc. Dad said that scared him, too much distance for too long, and he offered to pay for an AirBnB close by, but he said she said we all need space to recalibrate, and that he should focus on us without worrying about bumping into her at the grocery store. Dad and Amy are in low contact but are talking, which he said is good and a good thing to take some time and space and I could tell this was a bit bullshit because he looked broken when saying that, I think he thinks it’s over and he is losing hope and is scared she will realize she doesn't have to live with how we’ve been treating her (like you all said). He said “she isn’t someone that takes disrespect lightly” which I told him she is the absolute queen of dealing with disrespect given how she has been so patient and kind and careful with us, and he seemed to agree but I think there’s something else going on there but he wouldn’t say. Anyway she will travel for a bit. She did tell him to tell us she loves us and she is sorry she is leaving like this, she isn't checking messages at this time, and they will meet on the 26th to discuss. They had a romantic weekend planned for the long weekend and we would stay at our grandparents, and Amy moved the reservation to dad so we are taking Friday off and the Core Four will go to a cabin and just chill a bit away from the house. Lisa is sleeping today and tomorrow at her best friend’s house, her suggestion, and I am also sleeping tomorrow at my cousin’s and we leave Friday morning and back Monday night. That’s all that has happened for now, I don’t know what to expect at this time, I am just happy that Lisa will be doing individual therapy and that we are at least talking to each other a bit. Top Comments Commenter 1: Seems to me that although your sister dealt the worst of it, you and your brother haven’t been angels towards Amy either. Reflection on your behaviours is a step in the right direction and I think a sincere apology for your own actions is in order too. Just because you see Amy as a “safe” person to let loose your emotions on, doesn’t make it right for you to use her as your emotional punching bag. Commenter 2: Whether or not Amy decides to leave for good, maybe this is event will be the catalyst/learning experience you need to look at yourselves and grow emotionally. Better to start learning about emotional intelligence now than later in life and after more potential heartbreak. As lame as it sounds, learning how to manage emotions so you don’t yell and where you can instead effectively communicate without being demeaning/condescending is part of maturity-it’s an invaluable skill. Good luck to you and your siblings—I’m rooting for a positive update! Commenter 3: So you guys were being absolutely terrible to a woman who subsidised your life by paying more rent and for your extra curriculars… Honestly, I’m on her team at this point. Your dad didn’t work on any of you and your behaviour. There seems to have been no consequences prior to this for all your nastiness. I’m glad she’s left   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Hi, I really don’t know what else to do right now, I’ve reached to to so many different animals support groups but I’m not getting answers I’m hoping I might be able to find some cat owners who have been through what i’m going through to offer their insights. Sorry for bad grammar and spelling this post is long. I adopted a shelter cat 2 years ago from a shelter, she was pulled from the euthanasia list at a kill shelter from a foster pledge that I agreed to care for her while that foster worked things out and make space for her. The shelter told us she was showing some “slight fear based aggression” and would likely thrive outside of a shelter environment. I agreed because obviously a loud shelter would be stressful for any living thing. They informed me the cats had manx syndrome and was fully incontient (doesn’t tolerate diapers and is very much a “imma gonna pee/poop right here where i’m standing cat) I did my research and set up a place in my bathroom with pee pads, normal litter i’ve used with my other cat, warm spaces, cat trees, scratch posts and all the other fixings and brought the cat home to await for her foster. I kept her separate from my cat. Well the foster ghosted me shortly after I took the cat to vet and I have not been able to find another willing to take her in two years, so I accidentally adopted a cat for the rest of my life when I really just meant to get her off of a euthanasia list lol. Within the first month I spent over 5k on vet care and tests (insurance covers nothing since it’s a preexisting condition) She had some teeth pulled but other than was a healthy cat. Her urinating wherever she was concerned me since it wasn’t typical cat behavior, but all her tests came back clean and she is a typical cat apart for the taillessness. After about a month I realized there wasn’t any medical answer to explain why she peed/pooed like that (sorry to hear gross) but it was incredibly frustrating because she was still too aggressive for me to get within a few feet of, much less groom so I worried for her. The vet prescribed prozac and gabapentin. Y’all the gabapentin turned her into a monster! I went in to feed her one day (about 5 weeks since I brought her home I believe) and she latched onto my leg and starting marking her paws around it, she ended up with her claws around my neck and I had to hop in the shower to get her to let go. I went to the ER and got 12 stitches and had to go on an antibiotic I was as sick as a dog for weeks after this as well and tbh our relationship never recovered. I really think this was the beginning of the end. I did more research and reached out to a vet behaviorist and we took her off the gab because it can lead to worsening aggression in some cats. Over the years I tried different meds but none worked. I obviously did not try to start introductions with my resident cat because duh. I followed my behaviorist’s advice, I read outside the door for hours, put on videos for her, tried to get my scent (and my resident cats scent) on the blankets in the bathroom. None of it worked, whenever she smelled my cats scent he’d hiss so loud i’d hear it through the door (I also had a camera set up in there) Whenever I came in to feed her she attack me like the first instance where i went to the ER. I have to fully suit up with a helmet and shin guards to feed her and even with all that she would still latch on my arms/legs and crawl up my body. We switched anti-anxiety meds and I took her back to my vet, well this was the first of many vets in my area who told me they could no longer treat my cat while she’s awake because of safety concerns and she’d need to be sedated. So for the next appointment we fully sedated her and she was finally groomed and got claw capped, again nothing was wrong so I went to a neurological specialist who cost me nearly 10k in appointments and tests over a year and I still did not get any answers. At this point I had to move forward with introducing the cats because the new cat was coming up on a year in the bathroom and me and the behaviorist agreed it might benefit her to have free roam. (catio too) Well it didn’t work and she went crazy. She ripped painting off the wall and chewed up the carpet broke into the cabinet and ate human food…this was within the 20mintue period it took me to let her out, she how she did and to wrangle her up. Still the behaviorist said to keep letting her out. Well one day my resident cat managed to escape the space I put him to separate him from the new cat and she attacked him. I was literally watching the new cat walk into another room and heard a terrible scream and rushed in. The fight was very bad and my old cat had to go to the emergency vet and get surgery..boom another 3K gone. I rehomed him to my parents for his safety and began looking at rescues and fosters to take my new cat to because it was clear to me nothing was improving. I’ve called 45 shelters in illinois and none will take her because of her aggression. I know a lot of people (including a behavioralist I’ve seen) don’t believe cats can have behavioral issues and that’s it’s just them responding to their environment but I don’t know what i’m doing wrong. I’ve had 4 cats and dealt with some issues but nothing like this. I’ve posted her on my local facebook groups and reached out to some known fosters and nobody can take her because everybody involved in the cat world always has a pet cat…that she can’t live with. She can’t be a barn cat either because she’s disabled and barn cats are kept in groups and she’s too dangerous. I have no clue what else to do, she is spayed, is fed regularly on a schedule, has plenty of toys trees and things to scratch. I try to play with her everyday (everyday ends with her trying to get under my helmet and get to my neck which is genuinely scary because she’s not claw capped all the time (nails grows and it’s hard to find vets and groomers willing to take her, so right now I drive 50 mintues for her regular vet (he is the only one i’ve found who doesn’t need to sedate her and she acts like a asylum patient when she wakes up…, an hour for the neurologist and nearly 2 hours with traffic. for the behavioral appointments) (that I used to go to every two weeks so you can imagine the time lost to this, doesn’t help that i’m in buttfuck nowhere Illinois) She’s was on prozac for 6 months, burisphone for another 6, sertaline and fluoxetine for anxiety and none did anything I honestly don’t think she has anxiety I think she is just aggressive…. Besides the cursed gabapentin she’s done trazodone and that didn’t do a whole lot but make her terrified and she hid in a corner and hissed for hours. I hate my life now, I can’t have friends or family over. Literally nobody visits me and I can’t leave town because there’s no one to watch my cat. I had to give up my cat of 12 years who I do actually love back to my parents (they raised him it’s fine but I miss seeing him everyday) I can’t have any decorations because she tears them off the wall and my entire house even though it’s covered with pee pads smells like absolute shit 24/7. I have feilways and pheromones but it doesn’t change the behavior. I have to spend hours cleaning everyday just for it to be ruined the next. It looks and smells like I live in a zoo I let the cat free roam when i’m home and either go hide in my bedroom if I need to do things or have to fully cover all exposed skin with gloves sweater layers of pants, boots, etc if I want to interact. It’s been two years and I’ve never even pet my cat, hell I haven’t been within 3 feet of her unless it’s because she’s lunging on me or attacking me. Obviously no fosters are interested (also i’m not blaming people at all if I knew this cat had more than “slight fear based aggression” I probably would not have agreed to take her on either) and I don’t know what to do, she’s 3 and I know this is horrible to admit but the thoughts of spending the rest of my 20s and then 30s focused on nothing but this cat is devastating. Literally everything in my life has become second to this cat. I understand it’s a commitment I made. But when it’s been years since i’ve traveled, seen old friends been to concerts or gone out it gets very depressing and lonely. What else can I do? I’ve seen 2 behaviorist and their advice is getting redundant, the cats doesn’t have any neurological or medical issues (minus manx) and the vets have no idea what to do and just try different sedation…none works. Unless she’s sleeping she’s angry with me. I just hate this and don’t know what to do. Sometimes I’ll think about my future and cry because I know i’ll still be dealing with this cat during what’s supposed to be the best years of my life…but nowhere will take her but a kill shelter and that’s a death sentence for a cat like her. Has anyone dealt with aggressive and destructive behavior like this? What was the cause? How did you manage? I know nothing of her life before me. submitted by /u/Creepy-Dealer7518 to r/CATHELP [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/waitwhatohno Me [28 F] with my SO [28 M]; he cheated on me with my step sister [27 f], and she's pregnant with his kid. TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity, mentions drunk driving, alcoholism, death of a parent, ableism, gaslighting Original Post July 18, 2015 He (Adam) says he was drunk (we've been together for 10 years and finally got engaged and planning on getting married in a year and starting a family in a few years), and she (Betty) took advantage of him...the first time. Adam doesn't have an excuse for the handful of other times they slept together over a three month period. I knew she was pregnant; I've already been roped by my mom into co-hosting the baby shower with my other step sister (Claire, 30). I don't know if it's shock or what, but I'm so fucking glad I haven't given Claire my share for the expensive jogging stroller we're getting Betty, or my half of the baby shower cost. Betty told everyone the father is an ex-boyfriend who doesn't want anything to do with her or the kid. She makes a ton of money, she'd be fine as a single mother and my mom would help a ton since she's retired and bored and wants a Dugger families worth of grandchildren. Adam confessed everything because his dad walked out on him and his mom when he was a toddler, so he wants to be a father to his child, but still be with me because he loves me and made a mistake. I told him to get the fuck out of my apartment (thank fuck we don't live together right now. We've lived together previously, but his mom wasn't doing well so he moved in with her. His mom is fine now, so apparently he used his new found free time to fuck my step sister. Although a bunch of his crap is at my apartment because he was supposed to be moving in in like a month and was bringing crap over slowly,) and called my mom and told her who the real father of Betty's baby is, just because she's my mother and she'll listen to me cry. ........... She fucking knew already reddit!! Apparently, in a fit of sadness over missing her deceased mother (who died when she was like 2), Betty told my mother. They all (mom, Claire, and my step-father) have fucking have known for months. Months. Meanwhile, I'm over here killing myself trying to find the perfect floral arrangement for the tables for Betty's baby shower, because I'm trying to be all sisterly and shit, and being the bigger person because sure as hell, Betty wouldn't put half as much effort into my babyshower if I were having one and she was hosting or cohosting it. Or half as much money, even though she makes a shit load more then me. My own mother couldn't fucking tell me that my fucking fiance fathered my fucking step-sister's fucking baby. No, in fact, she fucking guilt tripped me into being a co-host for the babyshower as soon as she found out Betty was pregnant. I think before she found out Adam was the father. I think. Mom, apparently...well, the general gist is, she want's us all to get along and be a family, and it doesn't matter about the past, it just matters about the new life in the family. That she knows I'm upset and hurt, but I need to work on my relationships with Adam (since we've been together 10 years and I wouldn't want to throw that away over a mistake) and Betty (since we're sisters and have been since we were kids) and figure out how to be the bigger person and put my feelings aside for the sake of the kid and our family. I've always been the bigger person with Betty, from the very moment we were first introduced at the tender ages of 10 and 9, and she refused to give me my favorite stuffed animal back. And, even then, mom felt bad for her and let her get away with being a brat, and she got to take Mrs. Snuffles home while I had to suck it up and be the bigger person. She probably still has poor Mrs. Snuffles in some box in my mom and step fathers attic, a trophy for her first of many victories over me. I hung up on my mother. And here I am posting on reddit. I don't want to be Betty's kids step mother. I don't think I can forgive Adam; he knows what Betty's like, and how our relationship is. Hell, I don't even know if I can forgive my mom, and she's like, my mom. She was a great mother, one of my best friend's. The only wrong things about her was her nasty habit of pitying Betty and letting her get away with murder, and her crappy knitting that she always gives as gifts. I just...I don't know how she can justify this betrayal in anyway. It wasn't me that screwed up ten years of a relationship, or mine and Betty's supposed sisterly bond, it was them. Maybe I should talk to her and ask if someone's slipped crazy pills in her food the last few months, or maybe she's getting early dementia or something? Fuck I don't know. I keep looking at the text message from Claire she sent me way too fucking early this morning asking when I was giving her my share of the $800 jogging stroller we're getting Betty and my share of the babyshower costs that's going to be worth a crappy craigslist car. Edit: Is it wrong to reply telling her to go fuck herself? Because I did. We put all the crap on her credit cards, and she's in school and working a crappy retail job and I feel bad for leaving her the huge ass debt over $3000, but I keep telling myself she can return the stroller, cancel stuff, sell the stuff that can't be returned, and probably my step dad and mom will help her with the rest. Another Edit: I mass texted our friends telling them that Adam was a cheating bastard who was Betty's baby-daddy. We've been together so long that all of our friends are friends with us both. The only people I'm friends with who aren't friends with him too are basically just acquaintances I don't feel comfortable talking about this with. Then I turned my phone off. I swear to god, if any of them knew, or take his side....What if all of them knew? God. Tomorrow my mom's out of the house at her weekly volunteering gig, and I'm going to go over to their house. I have a key, but chances are if my step dad is home he'll let me in and go back to watching tv. Great man. My step-sister's got a woman who tried to mother them without replacing their mother, and over compensating like hell, I got a I got a dude that will occasionally nod at me, and sometimes give me a deal on rent when the family plays monopoly. I've got stuff in the attic that I was keeping their until I had a house of my own, plus I want to find Mrs. Snuffles. Oh, and I'm going to raid my mom's jewelry box. Which sounds bad, I know; but I'll only take the stuff my grandmother left me, I promise! I was letting my mom borrow it because I felt bad my grandma willed it all to me and skipped her (mom's an only child), and figured I'd just get it back when my mom died in forty years. Which I will freely admit is fucking stupid of me, because I could just see Betty whining that she didn't have any grandmother's to leave her jewelry and that it isn't fair. And probably my grandma knew what she was doing leaving it to me instead. I wish she was alive, she'd tear my mom a new one. Hopefully everything will be there and she won't be wearing anything. I don't know what I'm going to do yet, but I want it just in case. I don't think she'd like, give any of it to Betty or Claire or anything, but I also didn't think she'd fucking betray me like this, soooo. It's my jewelry. She's borrowing it indefinitely, I just kinda figured I'd let her keep it until she died because it was her mom's, but it's mine. I can't trust her not to give any of it to Claire or Betty, and I don't want to have to talk to her if I decide to never speak to her again, so I'm getting it tomorrow. We both know it's mine, it's not stealing to decide not to loan it to her anymore. It means a lot to me, so I'm for sure getting it. Thank you for all your comments and advice so far, I'm going to go to bed and see what tomorrow brings me. Hopefully all my jewelry, Mrs. Snuffles, and messages from every one of my friends saying they're never speaking to Adam again because he's a bastard, they won't forgive me if I take him back, and none of them had any idea. Edited again I'm a really bad person. I texted Betty. "I hope your baby is born with down syndrome, which will be an interesting combination with the fetal alcohol syndrome it's got a 90% chance of having since you drink more then your mother ever dreamed of drinking." And then I followed that up with a text calling her a cunt. And then another one that just said whore. Her mom died in a car crash she caused by drinking and driving. And Betty is the type of person who has expressed more then once that people with disabilities like down syndrome should just be killed because they don't have any use and are a drain on society. I feel kinda bad...partly because it's shitty things to say to anyone, and I'm a better person then that, and partially because reading that back I don't really think that's much of an insult or anything, really. But what do I know, I've never been pregnant, maybe it'll make her cry. (And thanks to her, I'm probably not going to be pregnant any time soon! ) I turned my phone off again and to keep it off I tossed it on top of the top of the kitchen cupboards that I can't reach without a chair, and I'm for sure going to bed now. What the fuck do I do? tl;dr: Fiance fucked my step-sister, she's pregnant, my mother knew and wants us all to be a big happy family because she's got grandbaby fever and always takes Betty's side. Fucking Betty wrecked our shared car as teenagers and I still had to pay half the replacement cost because it "wasn't fair" for just Betty to replace it. I'm well on my way to getting drunk enough to go rescue Mrs. Snuffles from her attic prison if fucking Betty hasn't thrown her away. Update Aug 17, 2015 (1 month later) Last month I posted https://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3dpnlb/me_28_mf_with_my_so_28_m_he_cheated_on_me_with_my/ TLDR is that my Fiance confessed that he was the father of my step-sister's baby. My mom, other step-sister, and step-father all knew. Mom had guilt tripped me into co-hosting the baby shower (before she found out), and my share for it and the present would have been roughly $1500. I kept my relationship with Betty cool as soon as I turned 18 and moved out to go to college. We don't really have that sisterly bond, it's more like "cousins you see at family reunions" bond. We tolerate each other. She knows I think she's a spoiled brat, and I know she thinks I'm a bitch because I won't take shit from anyone and will call her or anyone out on their shit. Mom's the only person I cave to and allow myself to be guilted into crap and walked all over for; I am not a wall flower, or welcome mat, or anything. So yeah. A lot of you said to cut them all off, and if I read my post that'd be my advice too. Like I said, I don't take shit: I completely stopped being friend's with my BFF since I was 8 when I was 22 because she was staying with me for a month and kept smoking in my apartment even when I asked not to, then got bitchy when I bluntly told her she was being a jerk, (and in general I just didn't like the person she was growing into.) So, first: The day after my post I went to my mom's house. No one was home, and I used my key. I grabbed my jewelry, and the boxes of random crap I had sitting in the attic. I looked for Mrs. Snuffles, but I couldn't find her. I searched all of the Betty boxes, and the Claire boxes to just to be sure. I'm pretty sure their dog at the time destroyed her. I doubt Betty would have kept her all these years. I may or may not have cut up all of Betty's photos I found. Whoops, was that a photo of your mom? Well, I'm sure Claire has photos of her plus you have my mom now sooo you'll be fine. (No, I'm not proud of that, but, well, they're sitting in the attic anyway, and much like Adam, I had a lapse of judgment. I lapsed so hard I grabbed the kitchen scissors on my way to the attic.) I will admit, a month later, I feel pretty crappy I did that. But the day after I was still really raw, and pissed and yeah. When I got home, I finally checked my phone. There was a shit ton of messages from Mom, Claire and Betty that I deleted without really reading -even an hour afterwards I couldn't have told you what they said, but I bet in general I could guess. The messages I got from my friends were really disappointing. Like I said, they were all mutual friends that have never known Adam and I separate from a couple, and most of the replies were "we care about you both." Only a couple said he was a bastard or anything. One person, in fact, knew. Adam had told his BFF like a week before he told me, and his BFF strongly encouraged him to tell me. A lot of you weren't very kind about speaking about my mother. Understandably; but she's not a narcissist, or a bad person really. She's too kind, and when she married my step-father she felt really bad for my step-sisters, and took it to extremes. Like I said, she was my best friend and I had even been toying with the idea of making her my matron of honor if we decided to have a wedding verses just going to Vegas, which we were seriously considering. I met my mother for lunch at restaurant. She was upset with me for taking my jewelry without telling her, saying I should have left a note because she just about had a heart attack when she got home and my stuff was gone. I told her she should have told me as soon as Betty left that Adam was the father of her baby. She said she hadn't want to get involved, or in the middle, and by telling me when either Adam or Betty should have would have meant she was involved; plus she was in shock that Betty had told her that, and wasn't really thinking about me. I told her that happened most of the time when Betty was involved ever since we were first introduced. She tried to convince me to take Adam back; that I shouldn't waste our ten years together. I told her that Adam was the one who choose to throw away ten years. She did tell me that she hadn't known when she'd momed me into co-hosting that Adam was the father, and that she and my step-father would cover my share of the gift/shower. I told her that I was her daughter, she gave birth to me, and I was not going to ever be able to forgive Betty, so if Mom wanted to keep being my mother, she needed to pick me for once. She said she couldn't do that, that she had been Betty's only mother figure, and she wholly considered Betty her daughter; and she really didn't want to get involved still. That if she had given birth to all three of us, her decision would still be the same. I told her that I was very sorry to hear that, and I wished her well; I'd call her every now and then, but I was not going to see her much or attend family gatherings; nor would any children of mine know my step-family. She said she was sorry to hear I was deciding that, and that she hoped I'd forgive and forget eventually and not tear the family apart. I told her I was disappointed in her, but not particularly surprised, and Betty was the one who fucked my fiancé, and tore the family apart. Then I said goodbye, popped down my share of the bill, and left. I'll call her in a couple of months, but for now I've got her and my step-family on their on ringtones so I know to not answer them. If she insists on talking about Betty, Adam, or their baby on our phone calls, I won't speak to her until she learns to not do it. Yes, she very kindly admonished me for what I texted Betty, but I shrugged and told her that she's getting involved by telling me I shouldn't have sent that. Yes, I realize I shouldn't have sent Betty what I did, but I was pissed and I'd finished off a bottle of wine. And frankly, she is a cunt. As for Adam, he showed up about a few days after he told me with pizza, ice-cream, and flowers. I had his stuff sitting by the door, and was more then willing to have him get it and go, but he convinced me to talk to him. He confessed that while I loss my virginity to him, he had loss his to Betty a few weeks before. It felt like he'd punched me in the face. I told him if I had known that I would have dumped his ass then, and spent the remaining nine and a half years not being held back because he didn't want to leave our city, or go on trips out of the country, or get a freaking cat (he's super allergic) or paint my nails (he's weird about nail polish, I haven't painted mine since we started dating seriously.) He was apologetic, but said he loved me and wanted to work on things. I told him I wasn't going to be Betty's baby's stepmother, that I wanted to live a 100% Betty free life and that if I were to take him back, he would have no contact with the woman he cheated on me with, which obviously wouldn't be possible if he's the kids dad. He said that Betty told him there was a chance he wasn't the father after he told me (because, like I said, she's a cunt). I told him there still was a chance he was, though, and I wasn't going to risk it; plus that didn't change the fact that he'd betrayed me when we were first together, and last year, and that was two times too many. He asked if we could still be friends, with, I'm 90% sure, the intent to win me back. I told him I'd think about it. No chance in hell of that happening. I talked to my dad; he lives across the country, and we're on great terms even though we only saw each other during the summer when I was growing up. I really like my step-mother, but our relationship had always been a bit shadowed because, well, I was a dick and firmly pushed her away to not hurt my mom's feelings. Which I'm pretty sure is some sort of weird irony. Dad offered to pay to get me out of the rest of my lease, and let me live in one of his rental houses for free if I want to move to his city. I'm going to do it. I've got a buttload of savings to last me a while until I find a job. I never wanted to stay in our home city forever, and I think being 2000 miles away from my mom, and the rest of them will really help. I'm going to work on my relationship with my step-mother too. First thing I'm going to do when I see her is apologize. I quit my job, and have spent the last few weeks relaxing, packing, planning, speaking to a therapist, looking at cats up for adoption in my dad's city, and reaching out to the handful of friends I have there from when I'd visit dad in the summer; hopefully someone will click and I'll have at least one good friend there. I bought myself way too much nail polish, got a manicure, and a lot of money on a pair of boots I've wanted since forever but held off on getting because, you know, I couldn't splurge like that because I was going to get married. So everything's going to be okay, I think. Thank you to everyone who commented and pmed me with helpful advice and sympathy. tldr: Took Adam back, trying to talk Betty into naming the baby after me. Just kidding! I'm moving 2000 miles away from them all and everything's probably going to be okay. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is still Visible_Yesterday_62. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole, r/AITAH and her own page. Thanks to u/Lynavi and u/Choice_Evidence1983 and r/Direct-Caterpillar77 Previous BORU here. New Update marked with ****\* Do NOT comment on Original Posts. This is a long post. Trigger Warning: medical neglect; infidelity; homophobia; child neglect; emotional abuse Mood Spoiler: OOP is ok but things got worse Original Post: June 14, 2024 Throwaway Account I (56f) have been married to my wife "Angela" (56f) for a year and we're planning our first anniversary celebration with a trip overseas. I was very excited to spend this time with my wife but unfortunately my ex-husband "Dan" (58m) recent hospitalization is putting a damper on my plans. Backstory: I met Dan in college and we got married shortly after graduating when we found out that I was pregnant. At the time it felt like the right thing to do but looking back it was a bad idea. I resented having to put my career aspirations on hold in order to be the full time caregiver and Dan resented having to be the main financial provider. However, this did not stop him from constantly bringing it up whenever I asked him to help with the kids or the home. He also never defended me when his mother would stop by (unannounced) and the household wasn't up to "the Queen's standard." I felt so exhausted and trapped and if it weren't for my kids Junior (34), Sarah (32f), Michelle (29f) and Mike (29m) I would've left years ago. Unfortunately, Dan did not have the same values as me and blindsided me with divorce papers. It was a rough process but after the first year of our divorce being finalized I got my groove back and within the next four years I was able to get a nice apartment and good career. Present Day: A couple of weeks ago Dan was rushed to the hospital and while the doctors were able to save him, his health took a turn for the worse. His wife is now essentially working to provide for their kids, while her parents watch them to save on daycare. I learned all of this through my children as I do not care to have any direct contact with Dan, but almost every time I talk to them they always bring up how stressed and tired they are over having to look after their father. I thought I was just being a sympathetic ear but a couple of days ago my children came together to confront me about my lack of willingness to offer assistance to their father and as their mother I should want to care for him to make their own lives easier. My children know that while I have a full time job I can make up my own hours and they want me to come into his house at least twice a week to make sure he's clean and fed or pay for a nurse to come do it. I refused stating that Dan and I have been divorced for years and that their stepmom can handle that. That's when they told me that she didn't care about their dad like they do and is most likely hoping for him to pass so she can collect on his insurance policy as the legal wife. My daughter Sarah then began to cry and asked me if I cared whether or not she had a dad anymore while Junior and Mike thought that I was being bitter. Michelle asked me to put them first and that I can reschedule my anniversary trip with Angela. My former In Laws are also calling me to say that I need to do this and that I'd be a horrible mom. AITA? Relevant Comments: Cocoasneeze: Turn this completely around and ask your children how long are you supposed to put your life on hold and are you never allowed to be happy and live your life. Tell your children, that between the 4 of them and ex in-laws, they can split costs of a hired nurse/health care professional/domestic aid to go to your fathers house twice in a week. Why should YOU pay for his care? You don't have the bandwidth and mental strength to be their father's carer. And it's really manipulative and cruel of them to emotionally coerse you to become your ex's carer. OOP: Dan's parents are retired and rely on him to pay their bills. I'm told that Dan's wife freaked out at the mention of having his parents move in to help save money and his mom's mobility isn't great so it's not like she can do ALL the cooking and cleaning. Deleted Commenter: Absolutely not your job to pay for that either. If he’s that bad off I was thinking hospice or some equivalent which usually isn’t a cost to the family. Such a crappy situation everyone is putting you in. OOP: We're Americans and our healthcare system is terrible, worse if you don't have money. I was told that since my ex made too much money in the past four years he doesn't qualify for assistance. Ex-in-laws: My In Laws think I baby trapped their precious baby boy because I didn't want to work so they were happy when he left me. Felt as if he deserved better and accused one of my children of not being his because they didn't "look enough" like him. No_Apartment7927: NTA - a whole lot of adults thinking they get to decide how you spend your time & money. Sounds like you have a very entitled family. OOP: To be fair I used to have a people pleasing type of mentality because that's how I was raised and it's taken a lot of time and therapy to be assertive and be consistently firm when setting my boundaries. Calm_Initial: Why are they expecting more from you than his actual wife! OOP: My children have told me in the past that they've talked to her about this and she just lashes out at them saying she's too busy with her new job and being the only parent to her kids. It got to the point where she temporarily banned my children from entering the home for a few days until they apologized to her. Deleted Commenter: NTA. If I were to guess, I'd say your in laws are pressuring your kids, saying that their father's wife doesn't care for him and whatnot. What actual evidence your children have that his wife isn't caring for him properly? Maybe her care isn't up to "the Queen's standards". OOP: From what I am told, she moved him from out of their shared bed, doesn't help him with his medication, takes the food to his room but won't cut it up into small pieces so it's easier for him to eat and leaves it on the other side of the room to "motivate" him to move, she doesn't take him to his appointments, and unless my children (usually my daughters) come by he's not kept very clean. My children say that Dan has limited mobility and can't verbally communicate like he once did at the moment but the doctors are hope that he'll be able to regain most of his functions if they stick to the plan. The only thing I have to go on is what my children are telling me that they've personally witnessed. OOP is voted NTA Update Post: September 1, 2024 (2.5 months later) Throwaway Account I forgot about the password to this account and my step-daughter showed me what to do and once I accessed this I saw that I got a few messages from people asking for an update so I thought I'd share. First, a few people seemed to be confused so let me be clear, I am a woman who is married to another woman. My own parents passed away years ago so their opinion is irrelevant. My wife and I both have children from previous relationships but we didn't meet until after our children were adults so my wife and I are the only ones who have lived together. Now on to what almost everyone else cares about the most. I went on cruise! It was great and my wife and I had a really great time. My children were predictably unhappy and I'm sure that my temporary blocking of them didn't make it better. Most of my children kept calling and telling me that I was a selfish and awful woman for choosing to go on the vacation instead of being there for the family, but (like many have you have stated) I reminded them that their father divorced me and therefore my obligations to him ended. If it were any of them that had a medical need I would cancel without question but I would not for their father. I thought I could leave it at that but because they kept calling and texting the first three days of the trip and that's when I decided to block. Unfortunately, my ex's health took a turn for the worse and he had to go back to the hospital and his lack of proper care triggered an investigation. I didn't know any of this until I unblocked my kids the day I got back and some of them blamed me. I've come to the conclusion that they're all just mad at the situation and I'm a convenient villain. I've accepted this because I can understand the fear and anger of facing the idea of losing a parent that you love. I just hope that one day we can all sit down with a family therapist and mediate the situation. However, this did start to trigger my past tendencies of sacrificing my own happiness and well being for my children, but my wife, therapist, and even a small piece of my inner self had to remind me that my children are adults and that my ex isn't my responsibility. I tried to reach out and so far most of my children aren't talking to me and have made it very clear that I will not be able to see my grandchildren as a punishment. It's sad, and I'm still wrestling with the guilt and doubt, but my wife and stepchildren are being very supportive, while my other family is a mix and most of my friends are neutral. Relevant Comments: Neutral friends: My friends are neutral in the sense that they don't think it's their business and won't bring it up unless I do. If they do think I should help they've never explicitly said anything to me directly. Ghostthroughdays: INFO: OP wrote the Lack of proper care for her EX Husband triggered an investigation. Was a lack of proper care suspected in the hospital or did the nurses and doctors say EX hadn’t properly care at home. OOP: I don't know all the details, my kids didn't say and I didn't ask, but apparently instead of getting better he's getting worse because all of the doctor's orders aren't being followed. ayymahi: Girl, them kids Assholes! OOP: I honestly think that it's partially my fault because I raised to believe that mothers should constantly sacrifice for their kids no matter what, so that's what I did and it's what they expect. Why aren't the kids helping him? I stated this in the comments of the original post but my kids all have families and full jobs of their own and they live about forty-five minutes to an hour away. They initially started to take turns but they said that they're all exhausted and are starting to feel the pressure from their spouses about not being home. My ex's wife is now working full time and says she has her hands full their own two kids, my ex had two kids with her, so she's not in a position to give him the care he needs and she won't allow money to be spent on a home care nurse. I live much closer, I didn't realize when my wife and I moved in because I didn't know my ex's address at the time, and I have a job where I can make up my own schedule so my kids wanted me to come around and help my ex. What 'caring' for him would have meant: Not just check on him, but actually take care of him. Feed him, wash him, give him his medicines at the appropriate times, help him with his exercises, etc. it would practically be a full-time job and they wanted me to do it nearly everyday as if I don't have a job of my own. Evening-Pumpkin31: What’s wild is, he’s not even THEIR responsibility. Sure, it’s a wonderful thing when kids take care of their aging parents but they don’t owe it to them. Their father might have faired better had he thought about someone else’s happiness for once. But instead, he divorced a woman who loved him and was willing to stick it out through the tough times and found a new wife who doesn’t care about him. He’s living the life he chose. Period. OOP: "But instead, he divorced a woman who loved him and was willing to stick it out through the tough times and found a new wife who doesn’t care about him." I think you're giving me too much credit. In the beginning of our relationship, I can say that I did love him, but at my place in life now and looking back I was never actually in love with him. I actually wanted to divorce him for a while but I was willing to wait until all the kids were adults, while he wasn't. If he had a major health problems while within our marriage, I would've done things differently then what his current wife is doing but I feel like I'd grow to resent him. Especially with his mom around to criticize everything that I was doing. New Updates *****Update Post 2: January 2, 2025 (4 months later, 6 from OG post)****\* Throwaway Account I hope everyone reading this had a wonderful holiday and will have a great New Year! For anyone who has been following my drama filled and emotionally taxing life I have another update for anyone who cares. UPDATE: This year it was my wife and I's turn to host and since this past November was rough for us and her side of the family we decided to go all out with a bigger tree, decorations, planned out activities and meals, etc.. Also, as the adults, we decide to do a secret gift giver where we pull names out of a hat. This year I got my stepdaughter Megan (24f), a sweater that I made by hand but it was terrible so I decided to make it a gag gift with a gift card to something she actually liked. On the actual day of, my wife and I woke up, had our breakfast, gave each other our spouse gift and then got ready for everyone else. It was Megan, Miranda (34f), Miranda's husband, Jack (34m), the grandkids (8f and 5f), and a couple others. None of the guests were my children with their families. It was sad but not unexpected and I think people could sense that because kids were extra affectionate with me. We played board games, ate, did crafts, talked, watched movies, and opened gifts. It was nice. When there was a moment Miranda pulled me off to the side and asked me to adopt her. I don't want to go into the details but Miranda's father was never active in her life and hasn't spoken to him in about three years. She said that with the coming year if something were to happen she wouldn't want a man she barely knows to have the power to make medical decisions for her if Jack or my wife are unable to, and she and Jack know that if anything were to happen I wouldn't let my wife raise the grandkids alone. This had taken me by complete surprise and I cried while graciously accepting and then we made the announcement. We're going to start the legal process in a week but the kids have already switched to calling me a "Grandma" type of name. We took and posted pictures and since I knew I was blocked I didn't expect my children to see, but apparently they did. They're all upset with me and unblocked me just to let them know. My children feel that it's weird to do an adult adoption, that it's disrespectful to announce it on social media, and how hurtful it is that I made Megan a sweater but never made a thing for them. I stopped crocheting when my grandma (the one who taught me) passed away when I was a teen and I just never had the spare time when my children were kids. I tried to call to explain but I was blocked again. However DIL (Junior's wife) sent me a message with some info. My children are mad that I got Miranda's kids presents but not my "real" grandkids, they think I'm replacing them all with my wife's family, that I'm selfish, and how they can't believe that I never once tried to reach out to them to see the grandkids. I wanted to reach out but I thought it would be less harmful for me and them if I didn't force contact. Some of OOP's Comments: Normal_Ad6576: I would be pissed, too, if I had to read about the adoption online instead of hearing it from directly from you. Not everything needs to be posted. Still, you’re not the asshole for holding firm in the refusal to care for the ex. OOP: My children blocked me. Do you think I should've driven to their homes to tell them in person? That's a genuine question because I do understand that adoption can be a big event. SmallEdge6846: I think you should reach out to your children like physically go see them . Given everything that's going on, I think they feel like they are being replaced. Can you get them a small gift too ? Maybe have a sit down? OOP: Yes to the idea of a sit down. No to getting them a gift. I'm not going to buy my adult children something just because I want to talk to them. That will just set another type of poor precedent. Mini Update in Comment: May 26, 2025 (5.5 months later, 11 months from OG post) Yes. The adoption was finalized. Since Miranda is over 18 the adoption went a lot quicker than had she been a minor despite her father's ironic objections to it. Update Post 2: May 26, 2025 (Same day as comment) Title: AITAH For Agreeing To Look After My Recently Estranged Son's Children While My Daughter in Law Divorces Him? Throwaway Account I (56f) have come across a new problem in my life and wife (56f) thinks that coming here will either help in getting another prospective or give me validation. I have four children that I birthed and raised (35m, 32f, 29m and 29f) by my ex-husband and they all recently decided to cut me out of their lives as I refused to care for their father. I refused on the basis that he and I divorced over a 10 years ago and they feel like I should help take care of him as a favor to them. I've stuck by my decision and chose to go on a cruise with my wife instead of caring for their dad and they haven't spoken to me directly since. Right now the only way I'd be able to see my children or grandchildren would be if I physically went to their house and forced my way in. But I don't want to be that person. I'll admit it hasn't been easy and I miss them but I, my wife, and therapist all agree that if I give in then I'm just showing that I'll cave to their demands every time as they've made it very clear it's either I care for their father nearly everyday or nothing and I don't want to do that. Especially since my ex-husband and I didn't divorce on good terms. Recently my eldest son's wife Kate (34f) reached out to me and said that she had an emergency asked if I wanted to see my grandchildren Emma (9f) and Kyle (6m) and I obviously agreed. At the time I was under the impression that my son was aware and since I was still blocked I didn't think to reach out and check with him. Kate dropped the kids off and I had nice time the kids. Kate came back a few hours later and asked me if I could watch the kids again and when I asked about how my son felt she told me that while he was still angry he was fine and to just contact her if there were any problems. Unfortunately, Kate was lying and I found out about this when my son came to my house furious. Apparently Kate and him have been having problems since November and she started looking for lawyers after my son told her to quit her part-time job, stop going to school online, and be a SAHM, while also working on baby #3. Kate stated that my son has been doing things to sabotage her and I'm sad to say that some of the things she has said tracks with both my son (his father was the same). My son stopped payment for daycare, Kate's nearest relative lives about an hour away and any friend that she would trust to look after her kids and were willing are also friends with my son and refuse to get involved. I was not happy at being lied to but I can't find myself to be too angry because I got to see two of my grandkids. I admit that it's very selfish, but I agreed to keep taking the kids for her in exchange that she not lie to me and understand that if my son comes for the kids I can't/won't keep them from him. I've also agreed to pay for the Summer Daycare program for the kids so they have something fun to do and my son is predictably not happy with me. My kids have unblocked me but only to say that I'm a traitor and how terrible of a person I am. It hurts but my wife feels that providing a safe and fun place for the grandkids comes first so I have to ask AITAH?" Edit for clarity: Since more than one person brought up a good point I just wanted to be clear. When I found out that Kate was initially lying I didn't just take what she said as her reasonings as the whole truth. I did ask my son and he either admitted it or didn't deny the accusation. Kate also showed me text messages (both in the form of screenshots and just handing me her phone). My son is also tragically displaying a lot of the same behaviors as my ex. Also my ex does have a wife and from when I last spoke to my children about they said that she wasn't doing a good job, although I haven't spoken to her directly because I don't feel the need and I also think that that's being too nosy. For more details my ex and my kids wanting me to take care of him, I believe you can go to my profile and see the post I made about it months ago on another forum. Some of OOP's Comments: Crafty_Special_7052: Wow your son is the AH here. I mean him stopping to pay for daycare isn’t just hurting his wife it’s hurting his kids. He sounds like he doesn’t give a shit about his kids. This is an abusive relationship. I hope Kate gets out quickly. If your son is just like your ex then I can see why you divorce him. NTA OOP: I'm definitely not happy that my son chose to stop paying for daycare before discussing it with his wife and demanding/expecting her to be a SAHM, but I feel like I can't be too upset because of how I raised him. In my own childhood I was taught to believe that a mother must always sacrifice for her children and never prioritize your own happiness and desires before the kids. Some people in my and my ex-husband's family think that if a woman can stay home with her kids than she should, and that a mom can always get a job when the kids are an adult. My ex and I put this mentality in all of our children's minds through our words and actions over the years so it's another reason why I feel like I'm an AH. OOP reiterates: "Why on Earth would you believe anything else she says about your son?" Because when I asked him he either confirmed or didn't deny anything that Kate said. Not to mention she showed me texts and my son is tragically showing the same form of behavior his father did to me. I do love my son, but that doesn't mean I'm going to pretend he's perfect and can do no wrong. OOP's ex: They already know that their father divorced me in order to be with another woman. They also know about his beliefs on gender roles so I don't what else there is to say. To another commenter: Oh he's definitely against gay men and the trans community, but he will "allow" lesbianism so long as it's for the benefit of a man. He also thinks it's impossible to be bi or pan. Ex's health: No. My ex, from what I was told, was not dying. He was just needed extra care during his recovery period. I never said that he was dying. To another commenter who asked about ex's current health: I honestly don't know. I don't ask. However, I feel like if he did died someone would tell me. If only to just rage at me. Update Post 3: December 24, 2025 (7 months later, 1.5 years from OG post) Original Story: Click Here TL; DR: Son and my other children disown me for refusing to take care of their father and are angry at me for helping DIL take care of my grandchildren while she divorces my son. Happy Holidays. I made this post a while ago and because I still get update requests I decided to post an update. To get to the main points over the summer I paid for my son's children to go to summer camp during the day so Kate would have some free time to get her affairs in order and offered to look after them. My son, however, went to the camp and told the people there that he didn't consent to the kids being there so their spots were taken. My grandchildren really upset because it was a nice camp and it had a lot of fun activities for them to do. My son basically just didn't give a crap because his goal was to essentially use them to keep Kate at home. He also threatened to call the cops if they ever went to my place so Kate essentially just left the kids with my son and told him to figure out what to do with them and she made sure to let the kids know that my son was the reason why they couldn't go to the camp. When they met with the lawyers my son tried to claim abandonment on Kate's part but she showed proof that my son interfered with my grandchildren's activities while offering no alternative. While the divorce was going on Kate got my son to agree (in writing) that he would allow them to have summer activities and using my own wife's connections my grandchildren were able to get into another summer program for the last month of summer and they had a nice time. Kate has her own place and a new and better paying job and she has allowed me to FaceTime and see my grandchildren from time to time and it was nice. My children have now completely unblocked but I had to block them because they would only call to berate and harass me, and even started to cause trouble for my wife and I'd respective jobs. We ended up having to send an official legal notice to get them to stop. It's all so draining and upsetting but my wife and stepchildren are really getting me through all of this. It's not perfect but I'm happier now than I was while married to my ex husband. Also, I heard through Kate, that while the worst part of my ex's health issues are over he's now permanently in a less than ideal state. He was also secretly spending thousands of dollars on OF accounts which is one of the reasons why his current wife was so upset and that it was actually one of my daughters who called Adult Social Services to file a complaint. The investigation ended without any fault being found with my ex's wife and that my ex was just simply refusing to put in the work to get better. Some of OOP's Comments: cthulularoo: So sorry you have to deal with all that. Your son is a huge dbag. He screwed up his own kids summer just to fuck with his ex. Good on Kate for making him pay for it. Your children all suck. Just write them all of and spend time with your step kids and Kate and her family. Good luck! OOP: Thank you. I'm honestly really struggling with this issue between my children and I because I don't think they would really be as bad if I didn't raise them to believe that a "good mother" is always selfless and never puts anything before her (biological) children. I'm staying firm with my boundaries but I hope one day we're all able to sit down and talk. Preferably with a professional neutral party to help mediate. OOP's kids: They're aware of Kate's side of the story but they're choosing to believe their brother over her and feel like she's over exaggerating as well as being a bad mom for not putting the children first. To another commenter: I didn't mention this but Kate has informed me that my children were not as accepting of my wife as I thought. My son specially would outlaw my marriage if he could. submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is SlenderSelkie. They posted in r/TwoXChromosomes Previous BORU is here. New Update marked with *****. Thanks to u/helper_robot for letting me know about the update! Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 2 weeks old. This is a longer post. Trigger Warning: mention of stalking; mental illness; mentions of eating disorders; severe anxiety; child emotional neglect Mood Spoiler: strange all around but OOP has answers Original Post: May 1, 2025 I don’t know if this is the right sub for this. But in this moment, as the only blood-related woman on my father’s side of the family it feels gendered. Idk, maybe I’m wrong. A few days ago my dad came over to my house for the first time in quite a while. I’ve had a lot of renovations done since he last saw the place when we first moved in. I have a nervous system condition which, while very fortunate to be able to manage it in such a way that it usually doesn’t impact my life most days out of any given month, can render certain simple tasks very difficult for me when I’m having a flare. It’s also important -as part of managing my condition and maintaining my high level of function- to limit certain activities which can bring about a crash or a flare. My husband is also disabled -he has hypermobile eds- so together we made a list of things we’d love to have as accommodations in the home we share and we either DIYed those things or found contractors to do them for us. I’m really happy with the results. I find that these accommodating renovations make my life a lot easier, I have fewer crashes, and overall more energy. My husband is ELATED with how much more functional he can be after we made these changes. My father isn’t a fan. He thinks it all makes the house “too weird”. He’s worried about the resell value (not that we’re planning to sell anytime soon??). He had a lot of comments when he came over, in fact it was almost all he talked about. I kept trying to gently tell him that this is just what works for us and then divert the subject but he was getting a bit worked up which isn’t really like him in those types of situations. The plan for his visit was he’d come over, meet my foster dog that he might adopt, and take the dogs for a walk then get lunch. When I left him alone for a minute to go use the bathroom after we’d walked the dogs, I came back out and found that he’d attempted to pull one of our accommodating mechanisms out of the kitchen wall. He hadn’t caused any functional damage but he did cause aesthetic damage in that it will now need to be repainted over. I was shocked and kind of hysterical in my reaction and I raised my voice at him when I saw what he was doing. I think I yelled “what the fuck are you doing, dad?? What’s your problem?!” and he responded “I just wanted to see if it was removable! Sorry! it’s just too weird! It’s too weird it’s just not going to work when Billy and Bobby move in with you”. “Billy and Bobby” are my nephews. My brother’s kids. I have never invited them to stay with me -let alone MOVE IN- for any amount of time, and I’ve never been asked to do so. Even in the event that my brother and sister in law passed away in some tragic manner; to my knowledge I should be very far down a VERY long list of people who could be asked to take those kids in before I would be asked. So, I was pretty shocked my dad would say something like that out of the blue (and with so much frustrated emotion) about Billy and Bobby “moving in” because there’s no reason -to my knowledge- for anyone to think that would possibly be happening. I asked him to clarify repeatedly but he just waved it off and told me to forget he said anything and he didn’t want to talk about it. I pressed him and all he said was “well, honey, it’s a massive house! You have room for two boys!”. When I asked him why he would even bring it up though, and clarified that not only did I have absolutely no desire to host my nephews for a visit let alone to “move them in” he clammed up again and just said “forget I ever said anything”. He apologized for damaging my home, immediately transferred a larger sum than necessary to me via Zelle to fix the scratch he’d made and then took me out to lunch as we planned prior. The rest of the day with him was pretty normal and I guess I was just a little shocked or something because I didn’t bring it up again. But now that it’s been a few days I can’t get it out of my head and I’m so annoyed. First of all, my dad hasn’t ever been and would NEVER be that aggressive about any decoration or renovation in my brother’s homes. He just wouldn’t. And I can’t help but feel that he is less respectful of my home because I’m a woman. Which sucks. But more upsetting/confusing….what the fuck was he talking about in terms of my nephews??? Like, is my family conspiring in some way to move those kids in with me? It wouldn’t be the first time that my family assumed I’d take care of those kids without asking me first but in the past it was just babysitting and I have directly told EVERYONE that even that is unacceptable, so I would be really shocked if my brother/sil thought that was acceptable. I guess I’m just spinning out and don’t really know what to do about it. I’m stuck between asking my father about it again first or just reaching out to my brother directly. Some of OOP's Comments: one_bean_hahahaha: Is there something wrong with your brother that he can't raise his own kids? OOP: No, nothing wrong. To my knowledge my brother isn’t looking to move his kids out of his own home either. They are sometimes difficult kids. A little delayed and a lot entitled/enabled. In the past they’ve leaned heavily on family for childcare since my brother has a demanding job and my sil has a hard time being alone with her kids. When I lived with my dad I was a big part of that equation and ended up being more responsible for those kids then I’d have agreed to, because I wasn’t in control of telling them if they could bring the kids over as it was my father’s house. But even when I still lived with my dad I was able to establish some boundaries and assert that I wouldn’t agree to care for them on demand, and that was generally respected after I put my foot down a few times. Hawkson2020: I’d definitely try to get more info from your dad, but failing that it wouldn’t be bad to talk to your brother? It seems like a really out of pocket thing to say unless he has some serious information you don’t. OOP: It’s incredibly out of pocket. Not only do I not want those kids to live with me, but I also would assume that my brother wouldn’t want his kids to live with me. There are a million reasons why, but chiefly it wouldn’t be a good idea safety-wise for those kids! I’ve been dealing with a stalker for years who has already threatened me that she would harm my nephews, at which point I distanced myself from Billy and Bobby (stopped picking them up from school etc) and the threats directed at them stopped. Currently I’m working on taking legal action but nothing is set in stone and even the idea of those kids -who are difficult but who I also love very much- being in my home makes me worried that they would be directly targeted or that there would be some escalation. I actually can’t imagine that my family would think it’s a good idea to move those kids in with me. Like, I can’t imagine circumstances where that would seem appropriate Hawkson2020: Yeah, particularly given that information (but even without it) it’s hard to imagine your brother or sil would want or expect you to take in their kids short of some kind of serious health or relationship emergency. And even then, that wouldn’t be something for your dad to be concerned about unless he’s a particularly worrying person. OOP: Even if there’s an emergency, I simply cannot be the first person on their list to take those kids in. I’m the only younger female blood relative I guess but there are SO many other relatives and family friends who need to come before me on that list. My brother and SIL have a MASSIVE village, so I’m talking DOZENS. It’s baffling to me that it would come down to me to take those kids in under any circumstances Brattius: The fact that he was actively trying to tear your house apart is a Hugh red flag. My bet is your brother is getting a divorce and they were just going to 'dump' then on you since his job is so demanding OOP: Honestly….I feel like a fucking idiot that the two of them getting divorced hadn’t even crossed my mind…. Not that they have an actively bad marriage or anything, but I think their dynamic is weird and I guess I wouldn’t be shocked. Thank you for this insight. I mean, either way it’s a no from me for various reasons. Puzzleheaded-Ad7606: BETTER YET: Group text to them- Guys, I'm worried about Dad. He came over the other day and kinda flipped out about our disability accomations and tried to rip one off the wall. Then he thought Billy and Bobby where coming to live here, but couldn't explain why. I'm worried, has anyone else noticed strange, aggressive behavior? OOP: I think I’ll go with this, but on a call. I want to hear a response in real time. My dad has normalized triangulation a bit too much in this family for my comfort Example of triangulation: Dad will say “your brother is REALLY upset that you said you can’t go to his birthday dinner he EVEN said he’ll move it up an hour just so you can come and I know that you’d still need to move your schedule around even if it’s an hour earlier but he REALLY wants to make it easier for you because he REALLY wants you there!” when my brother said neither of those things. Then he’ll tell my brother “your sister is HEART BROKEN that she can’t make it to your party and she doesn’t want to say anything but she’s hurt that you aren’t having it an hour earlier so she can make it!” When I said neither of those things. And he does all this because he wants the whole family at my brothers party and doesn’t like the idea of the whole family not being present. So my brother moves his party up an hour because he thinks that’s what I said I wanted, I move my schedule around to go to his party because that’s what I think he wanted. And both of us feel kind of weird and resentful and strange and neither of us find out that we got played until we casually talk about the incident ten years later IAmMelonLord: How old is your dad? Could he be having a sort of mental episode that he thinks your nephews are supposed to move in with you? Barring that, I’d ask your brother “hey, do you have any idea why dad would say this? Is something going on?” OOP: He’s in his 70’s but he’s still sharp enough to be working. I asked my other brother (nebulously without mentioning the reason why) who works with my dad every day if he’d noticed any decline and he said dad seems sharp as ever in their work environment. It’s pretty mentally demanding work so I think it would be evident there. I’ll also note though, my dad “rejected” an OCD diagnosis when he was in therapy after my parents divorce. So he’s not without any history of mental illness….not sure if that would cause this behavior though. QueenMEB120: If this is a new development, it may be a UTI. The symptoms of an undiagnosed UTI can mimic early stage dementia. And UTI's can have no physical symptoms, like burning or pain during urination, in the early stages. Look up Silent UTI's. OOP: Oh shit! Dad has gotten several UTIs before! Just googled it and I had no clue that they could be “silent” or that they could impact cognition!!! Selsia6: Is your dad OK with your and your husband's disabilities? It sounds abelist, like he was trying to remove the reminder of your disability and then came up with a nonsensical excuse after the fact. OOP: My dad is in utter denial that I’m disabled. He only briefly accepted when my symptoms were severe and I couldn’t work, but after I started my own business he’s basically just been totally averse to the idea that I need to manage my symptoms and thinks I’m being dramatic. People ask several questions about the stalker OOP mentioned in one of the comments: It’s ok. She’s someone I used to be friends with and honestly it’s my bad because I hung in there even when I realized she was becoming mentally unstable. She became fixated on my husband when he and I began dating and I became the enemy in her eyes. On if dad takes the stalking seriously: No, he does actually take her seriously, This woman has stalked him too and done property damage to his house. Update (Same Post): May 2, 2025 (Next Day) I talked to my brother on the phone about the situation and he expressed that he had absolutely no idea why our father would imply that Billy and Bobby would need to move in with me at any point. He seemed genuinely surprised and to have no clue what the hell dad was talking about. He claims to have absolutely never expressed anything like that to our dad. I believe him. I asked him if there was any possible reason at all that dad would think that I’d need to take in my nephews. Like is there some problem dad thinks he is pre-solving without consulting either of us? Is there an illness or impending divorce or ANYTHING I don’t know about? My brother assured me that there’s nothing like that going on and that -as I assumed- I, of course, wouldn’t even be near the top of the list of permanent caregivers even if something WAS going on because he knows I run two businesses out of my house and also just am not up for taking his kids in unless I am the absolute last safe resort. Both of us are in agreement (as is our other oldest brother) that dad generally doesn’t seem to have any other signs that we’ve noticed of declining cognitive function….like at all. But since this was such a strange outburst we’re still concerned that this is just the earliest sign. My brother -Billy and Bobby’s dad- is going to talk to our dad about it asap and see what he says or what explanation he can give, then we’ll go from there. The issue that we’re both aware of is that my dad, while a loving father and good man to many, is a bit of a liar and a lot of a manipulator. He has a lot of signs of OCD and gets fixated on things, then tries to manipulate to get his way with his fixation. He means well, but he has been known to be full of shit and to have his own strange agendas that don’t have much to do with anyone else’s wants or needs. So unfortunately my brother and I (and my brother has volunteered to go first lol) are going to have to confront him by essentially saying “dad, it’s really important that you’re honest about wether you are confused or intentionally lying/triangulating/manipulating because that’s the difference between us freaking out about your health vs us just understanding that sometimes you lie to push your agenda but your brain is fine”. Thank you to everyone who gave me feedback here! You’ve all been so sweet and supportive except that one guy who for some reason was dead convinced that I didn’t pay for my own home and commented several times and DMed me about it (I did pay for my home, and it’s solely in my name….you weirdo). I’ll keep y’all updated on what my brother and I figure out going forward! New Update *****Update Post: January 10, 2026 (8 months later)****\* I know this was forever ago, but life has been lifing pretty hard since then. The og post and first update which I made at the top of the original are in my post history. First of all I just want to thank everyone for your concern and overall support. This sub is full of such lovely and helpful people. So many of you left tremendously helpful comments and sent me such kind messages as well. So I guess I’ll start by saying that my dad doesn’t have dementia or Alzheimer’s or anything like that. If anything he is perhaps experiencing a very slight cognitive decline due to age, but only insofar as his typical lifelong nonsense becoming a little more pronounced and he’s not really as slick as he thinks he is or as good at manipulating as he’s used to being. Basically, he’s used to being able to get away with a lot more manipulation of his kids than he’s able to get away with now. I don’t even think the onus for this particular episode of his is directly an age thing at all though, I think it’s a situational thing. After I talked to my dad multiple times, conferred with my brothers after they talked to my dad multiple times and after we basically had to tell our father “hey, if you’re not totally upfront about what’s going on we have to assume that you need to see a doctor and we’re NOT just going to drop this like we usually drop uncomfortable things in this family”…I think I have figured out what was up: Ever since I moved out of my father’s house -leaving an empty bedroom and office space in a house that ALREADY had a designated bedroom for the kids because they had a lot sleepovers there- my sister in law has been obsessively pushing the idea that my nephews should start living summers and school breaks at my dad’s house. I knew she’d brought this up a few times but I didn’t know how adamant she was being because this push entirely took place after I had moved. My dad doesn’t live far from my brother and SIL’s place (15 minutes away) so it’s not like they’d be having some special summer experience in a new location…I think she just wants them out of her house for the summer lol… My nephews LOVE staying at grandpas because my dad has never been a real caregiver (not even when we were kids) so there are literally no rules, no bedtimes, no limit on sweets, no parental controls on the tv, no limit on screen times, no one checking if they brushed their teeth or making them shower or do chores or change their clothes, zero supervision over them making messes or doing dumb shit etc. So of course when their mom asked them “do you want to spend the summer at grandpas?! Do you want to go ask grandpa if he’ll let you stay the summer with him???” they went feral over the idea and my dad was immediately put in the position of either agreeing or disappointing his two grandkids and saying no. My dad hates saying no to family outright, because he NEVER wants family to say no to him at all. So he agreed, of course. My dad agreed to this last summer, But even with the help of a daily babysitter (who apparently quit halfway through, and I assume it’s either because my dad made her uncomfortable-which is a whole different kettle of fish-, or because those kids are SUPER entitled), and even though the kids are getting more and more independent, it was torturous and exhausting for him. He never wanted to do that again. But (and my dad didn’t say this, this is me applying what I know about him in general) my father is addicted to being the hero of the family. He needs us all to need him and he needs us all to think he’s great. PLUS he has a massive ego about defying the idea of aging and being ultra energetic and healthy etc, and not “an old man”. He could not bring himself to admit that he doesn’t have the energy for those kids, and he didn’t want to say no because he doesn’t want to normalize anyone saying no to anyone in this family (my father thrives on no one being allowed to have boundaries or say no, but it’s now also become a prison he’s built himself into). So, he was planning to pawn the kids off on me next summer. He was going to agree to take them and then bring them to my house and (in his words) “ease into a smooth transition” from his house to mine. From the sounds of it -and also just knowing my dad- I assume he was going to beg me to take the kids for a single day, drop them off with overnight bags and say “didn’t you say they could sleep over???” then make up a ton of excuses as to why they needed to stay at my house for longer and longer until he ran out the summer. Personally, I know this wouldn’t have worked. I’d literally be dropping the kids off at their own damn house or calling the cops within 24 hours. But I don’t think my dad understands just how badly his plan would have panned out because I used to be a massive doormat. I think he truly believes he could manipulate the situation (and me) into working out in his favor. He apparently asked SIL already if it was ok and she said yes (but she never even asked me about it or brought it up the whole time we were all wondering what my dad was on about??) she only confirmed this AFTER my dad finally admitted to his scheme (Which is WILD because she had just stood there and said NOTHING about it while my brothers and I were trying to figure out if our dad was insane) and tbh I think SIL knew the whole time that my dad was going to fully pawn her kids onto me and she didn’t want to say anything and risk having to have her children gasp living in her OWN house ALL YEAR!!!! I truly don’t know what she THOUGHT was about to happen and when I asked her “so, you didn’t think you should even confirm this with me?” she swore that she “remembered talking to me about it”…which…no, girl! You did not! I would NEVER agree to that. My brother is fairly livid with his wife (he generally hates how reliant she is on outside help to raise the kids when he’s already such an involved dad and they literally have multiple forms of paid childcare). And we are all becoming increasingly less patient with my father’s triangulation bullshit. Like, I’m in my 30’s, my older brothers are both pushing 50 and it’s insane that he’s STILL scheming and claiming it’s all in the name of “what’s best for the family”…because we all have OUR OWN families now but he acts like we are bickering children who he is having to manage in order to keep the family together (extra insane because my brothers and I were not children at the same time), when really he’s just obsessively trying to maintain HIS preferred status quo in a reality where it makes less and less sense to maintain. This was all so foolish and I’m truly annoyed. Like I said, I’ve had a LOT going before and since his initial outburst. A lot of good things that needed my attention and some really hard things too. And instead of getting to be more fully present in what was going on in my own life, I had my focus split and pulled away by worrying that my father was potentially suffering from neurological issues and refusing to be seen for it. My brothers and I all just wasted SO much time on this, all for this to be some stupid bullshit about his pride and him applying his own preferences to our lives AGAIN. Anyway, thank you again to everyone who gave me good insight and advice. I really appreciate ya’ll being here when I was spinning out about it. Some of OOP's Comments: neon_lesbean: I was actually wondering about you earlier this week! God, just reading this was infuriating, I’m sorry you’re dealing with it. Anyway enjoy having your house to yourself! OOP: Thank you! We are! My sister in laws “apology” involved “offering to bring the kids over for a fun day” at my house and I told her her actions have caused me to not want the kids over for the foreseeable future. She’s fuming Example of dad's triangulation: When I was in my early 20’s and my brother was in his mid 40’s our dad accidentally triangulated a wedge between us that took YEARS to resolved just because he wanted my brother to work more and he wanted me to pick my brothers kids up from school every day to accomplish that. He could have just come out and said that both of us “I want YOU to get more work done, and I want you to pick his kids up so he doesn’t have to break midday to do that” but instead he created this convoluted and complicated game of fake telephone that ended in my brother and I both absolutely hating the other and feeling massively insulted. We didn’t realize this until YEARS later. OOP adds: My brother is an extremely active father, actually AND they employ daily childcare. It’s just that my sil is on a constant mission to get those kids away from her. She acts like spending one whopping whole week with her kids (still with their childcare, mind you) without being able to drop them off with someone else will literally kill her. I understand my brother’s frustration because every time he turns around his wife has made another plan to shuttle their kids off and away from them for as long as possible. If there’s a snow forecast she will purposefully rush them over to families houses so they can get snowed in there. During Covid she desperately tried to get them quarantined with her parents in another state (like when there was talk of a lockdown she was RUSHING, driving all day and overnight to get them there and get back home so that they’d be “stuck” with her mom and dad during the lockdown). She flat out refuses to be alone with her children and is constantly angling to sen them elsewhere away from her. SallyAmazeballs: Wow, your SIL sucks. A couple weeks in the summer is one thing, but the whole summer with no-structure Grandpa is just setting herself up for failure as a parent. Kids need structure and healthy food to have the best chances at growing up to their full potential. OOP: Yeah, it’s never been my place obviously but I have always been astonished by how much she pushes for her kids to stay with my dad because he has essentially systematically instilled his own disordered eating (my dad is a severely obese junk food addict and binger) onto my nephews. They were flagged as being extremely overweight at 9 despite being fairly active kids and it’s only gotten worse since. They sneak and hide food, they run up their lunch debt at school (it’s not a financial issue for my brother or SIL but it’s just that the kids are buying LOADS of snacks), and they binge until they get sick. I don’t know what the hell she’s thinking by prioritizing having her kids out of her house over having them home and trying to turn their relationship with food around. My brother and I BOTH had struggles with serious restrictive eating disorders because of how warped of a relationship with food our dad gave us (my brother STILL, at almost 50, struggles with relapsing into bulimia) that have landed us both in the hospital multiple times. He and I were talking about it and he was telling me that it actually makes him feel SO worried and upset and awful when they leave the kids with my dad because he feels like he’s letting them down, but that my SIL sets these things up behind his back and then throws fits and freaks out and vacillates between not speaking to him and non-stop arguing or threatening to just disappear into the night if he doesn’t agree to send the kids to my dads. I guess this last incident was kind of eye opening because it really was BIZARRE that she just stood there like a dead fish for MONTHS while my brothers and I were frantic that my dad had a brain tumor or something OOP adds: Absolutely. I DO have real sympathy for her. The moment they told me they were pregnant I was immediately thinking “oh my god, she’s not a fit mother”. I know that sounds horrible, but she is truly the most fragile and anxious person I’ve ever met. She shuts down (and I mean SHUTS. DOWN.) over the smallest things (stuff that wouldn’t break most people’s stride) to the point of paralysis. She always wanted ONE child, for it to be a girl, and for the girl to be a quiet and calm kid like she and my brother (and all my siblings and I tbh, so it wasn’t a bad bet) were. Instead, she got pregnant with twin boys who ended up having severe hyperactivity and focus problems. This was worst case scenario for her. I really wish they’d just done IVF so she could have had her one girl, I don’t think she’d be so frantic to pawn a daughter off all the time Nephews: I do have serious sympathy for my nephews. They’ve been spoiled to such a damaging degree and now they’re getting bullied and socially punished at school for being entitled bratty cry babies. It sucked to literally watch my family (my sil is not the only one to blame here) either insist upon or passively endorse the consistent decision to make them into worse and worse little people. My dad is so astonished at how horrible their behavior is and he keeps exclaiming about it “coming out of nowhere” when I feel like I’ve been watching a slow motion train crash for years submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Successful_Scale3476 Originally posted to r/offmychest I [F22] just found out my fiance [M22] and I are related, and we don't know what to do. Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: death of a parent, mentions cancer, past trauma, abandonment. possibly mental illness, physical violence, and abuse Mood Spoilers: sad Original Post: January 3, 2026 Throwaway because this is a massive secret and we are fully expecting it to blow up in our faces. I never thought I would post here, but the holidays uncovered something huge and my fiancé and I genuinely have no idea what to do. I grew up in a fairly large city in the south with just my mom, my younger brother, and me. My dad died of cancer when I was four, and my mom supported us by working as an accountant for a mid-sized company. It was always just “the big three,” as my mom liked to say. I have never known anyone from her side of the family. She has always been extremely private about her upbringing, but as I got older I picked up bits and pieces. Whenever we saw family, it was always my dad’s side. My parents met as adults, but after my dad died, my grandpa really stepped up in my life. He took me to father-daughter dances, came to baptisms and major milestones, and was always present. When I asked about my mom’s side of the family, I usually got short answers like “they’re bad people” or “we live far away for a reason.” As far as I know, my mom left home when she was around 17 and never spoke to anyone from her family again. My grandparents on my dad’s side never met anyone from her side. Almost four years ago, I got into a great university far from home. My grandpa drove me down to campus and helped me move in. During orientation, I met Tom (not his real name). We clicked instantly. Same humor, same values, and a connection I had honestly never felt before. We became best friends very quickly and soon started dating. Tom is also from far away, but our hometowns are extremely far from each other. Over the years, I spent some holidays with his family and he spent some with mine. My mom, my brother, and my grandpa (who passed away around Thanksgiving this year) all adored him and were very vocal about wanting me to marry him. His family accepted me just as warmly. Last year, his parents even gave him a large gift to help pay for an engagement ring. He proposed this past August, right around the anniversary of when we met. We are planning to get married in June, shortly after we graduate. One more piece of context before the actual problem. Tom and I became sexually active about a month ago. We were both virgins when we met and had decided we wanted to wait until marriage. After he proposed, we decided together that we were comfortable taking that step, especially since I am on birth control and we were already planning a wedding. Our parents assume we are waiting, but no one has ever directly asked. Until now, this has not been a point of stress for us. Here is where everything falls apart. This past Christmas, I stayed with Tom’s family. My mom and my paternal grandmother are in the middle of an argument I did not want to be involved in, and my mom was completely fine with me going elsewhere. While at Tom’s family gathering, his mom’s parents came over and we all had a big holiday meal, opened gifts, and had a great time. They even gave me several gifts with their last name on them. At some point during the evening, Tom’s grandmother made a comment to his mom, who I will call Melissa. She said, “Melissa, do you remember when you and Rachel got me that planter for Christmas?” I leaned over and quietly asked Tom who Rachel was. He looked confused and said it was his mom’s twin sister, who disappeared years ago. He had never met her. I immediately felt uneasy. My mother’s name is Rachel, although she has gone by her middle name my entire life. I also knew she had siblings, one sister and one brother. Tom had mentioned an uncle who passed away around 2010. At the time, I convinced myself it was just a strange coincidence. Later that night, people were moving around the house and Tom and I ended up sitting alone together with some wine. I whispered something like, “I didn’t know your mom had a twin.” I think at that exact moment it hit both of us. About a year ago, while dating, we had already realized our mothers shared the same birthday. We thought it was funny and even mentioned it casually once to his mom. We both started internally freaking out but kept it together for the rest of the visit. The next day, I flew home to see my mom. Before I got there, Tom and I came up with a plan. I told my mom I had been talking to my gynecologist about some issues with my period and that one of the intake questions asked whether there were twins in my family. I said I didn’t know and figured I should ask. For the first time in my life, my mom admitted she was a twin. When I asked why she never told me, she went on a long, drunken rant about how her sister Melissa was “a literal demon.” My mom is, unfortunately, drunk most of the time. She also mentioned cutting her family off completely when she was young. What is wild is that my mom and Tom’s mom look absolutely nothing alike. One is tall and brunette, the other is short and blonde. At that point, everything clicked. We confirmed last names, which were the same. I also learned my mom’s maiden name for the first time in my life, which I know is strange, but she is intensely private. Tom and I are first cousins. We have no idea what to do next. Our parents have never met, but they are supposed to meet at our wedding in six months. We have already built a future around each other. Tom has a great job lined up, and I have been accepted early decision to my dream law school in the same city. Our relationship is genuinely strong. We are best friends and deeply in love. Ending the relationship feels like throwing away the greatest joy either of us has ever had. Continuing it feels terrifying. There are obvious biological concerns if we ever want children. There is also the very real possibility of being disowned or pressured to split once the truth comes out. We are stuck and completely overwhelmed. What do we do? Edit 1: Thanks for all the kind comments. Tom and I have read through all of them, and we really appreciate the thoughts. We have decided to talk to our parents tonight. We both fly back to college tomorrow, so it's really the last time we can do this before it gets dangerously close to the wedding. I'll give an update on how it goes either tonight or tomorrow at the airport. We plan to tell them what we've learned, but insist it won't affect our plans to marry. Hopefully, if we lead with that, there won't be an effort to break us up.   Editor's note: OOP has made lots of responses, so I am listing the common questions and her responses for more context Relevant Comments Commenter 1: At least they weren't identical, so youre only first cousins? OOP: we are first cousins, I'm not sure that would change if they were identical twins. We might be more genetically similar I guess? Commenter 2: Do one of those dna tests and see how much dna you share. My grandparents found out they were 3rd cousins after they got married. Their parents knew as well. Not quite the same but they made it work. OOP: This is good advice, but there's also some blissful ignorance here. Like at what % do we draw the line? Does OOP and Tom want to have children? OOP: Yeah, we already talked about going the adoption route and avoiding biologicals. Commenter 3: Just be sure, if you ever get pregnant, to disclose this to your medical practitioner. Babies from close relatives have significantly higher risk of genetic complications. But also, because cousin marriage is so common (especially within certain religious and ethnic groups), they will know how to handle it. OOP: Good advice, I am currently in the "never getting pregnant" camp. We already take stupid risks though, so this will tighten that up. Commenter 4: Did your mom never know Tom’s last name or where he was from? It seems odd she never asked more considering the “coincidence” of him having her same last name and city of origin. But I guess he could have the same last name as his dad rather than your mom’s family? This is so unfortunate. If you guys are ok with adopting rather than having biological children… maybe Tom could get snipped to avoid the possibility. And just.. go through with the marriage? Does that seem like the right route, in your heart? Maybe confide in your mother about it, and consider keeping it from his family if they would freak out… not sure if that is the best idea, either. As she would have to avoid his family forever (photos included if they would still recognize her) Best of luck to you. What a crazy, crazy coincidence. OOP: "Tom"'s last name is not her maiden name, it's his dad's name. It's also a really unique last name with a unique pronunciation, nothing like my last name or my mother's maiden name. The coincidence is crazier than I can even describe. No one lives in the same state as the last time they all met, and our college is FAR from that. It's really, really unbelievable that this happened to me. Commenter 5: First cousin marriage is illegal in many US states and whether or not those states recognize a marriage performed in a legal state varies. Just something to keep in mind when making a choice, as you’d be limited in where you can live/move to if you did stay together. Commenter 6: This is a very important point that OP needs to fully wrap her head around ASAP. OP, can you say what state you’re in? OOP: Our wedding venue and planned life is in New York state. OOP on if it's legal to have first cousin marriage in her area OOP: It is legal in our state, but not in the state Tom is from. We never planned on living there anyway OOP on her mother when asked about being a twin OOP: To be fair, when I asked my mother if twins ran in the family, she acted like I was stupid. She swore I knew she was a twin and she had told me. Maybe it never stuck? I feel like that would stick. The family reaction is certainly my fear, thanks for the kind words. Commenter 7: As I have said above the cousin thing is one thing but your mother meeting her estranged twin at your wedding is going to cause absolute carnage. This must be aired before the wedding and you need to face the possibility of your mother making you choose, you say she's drunk most of the time so I'm guessing she isn't the best mum else you wouldnt have added that information. Tom's mother also needs to know. Or there is another option. You tell your mother. She demands you choose. You choose Tom, disinviting your family to the wedding. You say nothing to Tom's mother. Its not recommended but this is all going to go disasterously wrong. I think if I could accept he was my first cousin id just elope and keep the families separate as far as possible. OOP: I fear if we tell our mothers then our whole support system will fall out beneath us if we don't break up. Its almost like we have to be willing to break up if we tell them, and neither of us want to break up at all. OOP explains if there are any similar resembles between Tom and herself OOP: We have often been mistaken for siblings; our friend group has joked about putting us on a sibling or dating website before. We have very similar hair, curly dark brown, and thick. He's taller than me, his dad is like 6'5" though and my dad was like 5'8. OOP needs to get therapy to deal with her mother due to her alcoholism and the family issues OOP: I've had some therapy to deal with my mother, and theres a level of codependency that's hard to explain. Once my dad died, my brother was a very small infant and I was like four. My mother and I really bonded, even though she would put us to bed and hit the bottle every night. It's hard to explain but it is really hard for me to cut her off. + Honestly, since going to therapy my freshman year, I sorta figured she was the problem to some extent. Maybe this will shed light on the whole situation for me. I've only met Tom's grandparents (also mine) twice and they seemed super normal. Just really conservative, but my mom is really conservative too.   Editor's note: OOP made an update in the same original post Update: January 4, 2026 (same post, next day) Update 1/4/26 8:40 EST: I didn’t expect this story to get so much attention, but I appreciate all the kind words and encouragement. I also appreciate everyone who reached out kindly in my DMs. Sorry if I haven’t responded yet. As you’ll soon read, my life is a little upside down. I wrote the original post in the early afternoon. At the time, my mother was out buying my brother new clothes for his upcoming semester. I decided I would confront her after dinner. Tom and I agreed that I would tell my mom that night, and then we would figure out how to tell his parents. Dinner came, and I wasn’t eating. My brother kept asking why, so I eventually gave in and told my mom I had something important I needed to talk to her about privately. She seemed to recognize the seriousness of my tone and told my brother to go to the gas station to buy scratchers. When he left, I told her everything, starting with, “This is really big news, but I want you to know that I intend to continue my relationship with Tom.” I told her I had been at Tom’s house and learned that Tom’s mom had an estranged twin, and that I was confident it was her. I said the full legal names of Tom’s mom and his maternal grandparents. I knew I was right by the shade of red my mother turned. She kept saying, “What?” and “Is this a fucking joke?” I even showed her Tom’s mom’s Facebook. My mother has no social media and never has, as far as I know. At first, my mom went silent while I sobbed. Then she erupted. She told me I needed to leave Tom immediately and never speak to him again. I told her I wasn’t going to do that. She started yelling about how Tom’s family was spreading lies about her to me. They do not even know. She was being paranoid. I told her I didn’t need to tell them anything, that she could keep this secret and simply never meet them. Since his family is paying for the entire wedding, I suggested she not attend, so she would never have to interact with them. That suggestion was not taken well. She called me every name in the book. Whore, liar, bitch, cunt, etc. She screamed at me until she was blue in the face and told me she would not allow me to return to school for my final semester. Around this time, my brother came home. He is a pretty low key guy and does not handle conflict well, so he went into the adjacent living room and scrolled on his phone. I told my mom I would marry Tom regardless, and that if she chose not to be part of my life, that was her decision. She called me ungrateful and continued screaming. Things escalated again when she demanded that I hand over my phone. Long story, I am actually on Tom’s family’s plan. She also demanded that I go to my room. I said no, that I am an adult, and she threw a three quarters full bottle of Botanist gin at me. It hit my arm and shattered on the floor. That is when my brother stepped in and pulled me out of the house. We could hear her breaking things and swearing as we stood outside. Since my flight is scheduled early in the morning, my brother drove me to his friend’s apartment near the airport. He works at the airport and lives about fifteen minutes away. I had never met his friend before. My mother texted me multiple times asking where I was and calling me awful names again, but nothing else happened. I am writing this now from the airport, waiting to board my flight. I have a bruise on my arm, but it is not serious. Tom thinks I should have called the police, but I just could not do that to my mom, even if that ends up being the last time I ever speak to her. My brother brought me all my belongings around two a.m. and then took me to a hotel connected to the airport. He is a saint. This is only half the update. After I left the house, during the drive to my brother’s friend’s place, I called Tom hysterically. He told me he thought he should tell his parents, and I agreed. After we hung up, around ten thirty p.m., Tom pulled his parents aside and told them everything. They had seen pictures of my mother on my Instagram before and had not recognized her, but once they looked again, they confirmed it was the Rachel they knew. Melissa cried and cried. Tom’s dad, I will call him Richard, said the situation was very strange. They asked Tom a lot of probing questions, including whether we had been sexual and whether my mother knew. Tom told them everything. They were disappointed in him, but they did not dwell on that. After Tom explained what had happened with my mom earlier that night, Richard and Melissa completely changed their tone. They told him they still supported our marriage but needed to make a game plan for how to handle this moving forward. They texted me saying incredibly kind things, telling me nothing had changed, that I was still their daughter, and that they loved me. Melissa also shared why my mom became estranged from them. This is only her side, and I may never hear my mom’s, but apparently when my mom was in high school, she started to unravel emotionally. She would yell at her mother constantly and accuse her of favoring Melissa. Their father was the coach of the girls’ basketball team, which Melissa played on but my mom did not, and my mom felt rejected by both parents. During their senior year, my mom ran away with an older boy, not my dad. His family knew my grandparents well, so they assumed she was safe, but my mom told them she would never speak to them again, and she kept her word. The last they heard about her was three years later, when the boy’s parents said they had broken up and she moved to another city. This was the city where she later met my dad. They wrote letters she never answered and eventually respected her wish for no contact. All of this came secondhand, from Tom, who heard it from his mom, while I was coming down from hysteria in an airport hotel room at dawn. The details may be fuzzy, but that is what I know. How I’m doing: I’m heartbroken and scared. I’ve only seen my mother be violent once before, when she threw a brick at my brother for sneaking a girl in. I was always the perfect child, and now I cannot imagine her ever speaking to me again. It feels like I chose the people she felt rejected by over her. My heart breaks for my mom, but I love Tom, and I do not believe it is fair to either of us to abandon this love. I am also scared of what she might do next. She went to my grandmother’s house and my brother’s girlfriend’s house trying to find me. My brother refused to tell her where I was. She knows where my apartment on campus is. I have considered moving in with Tom for safety, but his parents asked us to stop being intimate until marriage, and I do not think they would approve of us living together. That said, they have been incredibly kind. They paid for my hotel stay. Tom was nervous about me staying at my brother’s friend’s apartment. I was mostly afraid of the roaches. They are texting me as I write this, sending florist options and talking excitedly about our wedding. Overall, I am okay, but I am terrified of the unknown. How Tom’s doing: He is very anxious being away from me and incredibly grateful to my brother. He wants me to block my mother’s number, but I am not ready. He encouraged me to make an appointment with my therapist, and we are hoping to attend a few sessions together. He has apologized endlessly and feels like he should have figured this out sooner, but it is not his fault. If we had known earlier, we might never have had the love we now share, and I believe that love is worth it. This morning, his father warned him not to share this secret with anyone. Tom is nervous about how our grandparents would react if they found out. If anything else happens, I will update again. We are still reading all the comments. The encouragement, especially from those who urged us to tell our parents, gave us the strength to do the right thing. Even though I regret telling my mother, I think it was better than lying and creating a long term deception. Thank you all for the support. Feel free to ask any questions. It genuinely helps us think through every angle.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwaway_2433 Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest I think I’m falling in love with my husband Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability Mood Spoilers: super sweet! Original Post: December 21, 2025 (Post got removed the first time so I’m reposting it 😭) My husband and I are 24. We’ve been very close friends since we were 14 and have been married for about five months now. The thing is, our marriage was strictly out of convenience. I was a single mom to a 1 year old (his father and I haven’t been together since I was three months pregnant) and my husband had just taken guardianship of his cousin who’s only a few months younger than my son. Since the kids are so close in age, we decided pretty much immediately to introduce them to each other. They’ve been best little friends ever since and after that my son and I were over at their house everyday. The marriage was purely my idea. My son and I were practically living at their house and we had already had a conversation about raising the kids together. I figured why not? We’d get the tax benefits, could combine our incomes, and have the kids grow up in a two-parent household. I did think about the chance that one of us could find someone else down the line and fuck everything up, but it wasn’t high on my radar. I gave up on relationships after my son’s father and my husband wasn’t really the type for relationships before we got married. I’ve never even really seen him express interest in someone before since I’ve known him. We’ve always had a running joke with our friends that he’d be the single uncle that one of our kids would have to take care of when he gets old. Clearly we didn’t think he’d become an adoptive father but that’s besides the point 😭 Anyways, I brought it up to him kind of as a joke one night (I was terrified to be serious about it idk why) and then we were married three weeks later. Everything happened so fast and it’s still insane to me because I fully expected him to call me stupid for even coming up with the idea. Did not expect him to agree and follow through so quickly. But that’s the long ass backstory on everything so everyone understands. The first few weeks of our marriage felt no different than what we were doing. The only real difference was my son and I moved in and were living with them. As of right now, we live in a three bedroom apartment. Babies share a room and my husband and I share a room. It was definitely weird sleeping in the same bed every night but we both got used to it eventually. After maybe the first month, I got too used to it and started completely sleeping through my alarms. I don’t know why, but I’ve started sleeping so heavily that I have to be physically woken up. So every morning when my alarms go off and wake up my husband, he rolls over, rubs my back, and whispers in my ear to wake me up. For background, my husband is a pretty prickly person. He doesn’t like physical contact with other people. In our entire ten years of being friends, we hugged ONCE. So this??? Literally rewrites my brain chemistry every morning. Like what the fuck. Even typing this out right now I’m genuinely getting butterflies and it’s so weird??? I probably sound so stupid but that’s not it. Around the same time, he started bringing me home flowers every Friday night. I was majorly confused the first time, but he said he’s trying to set a good example for what relationships should look like for the kids. (He grew up with a single mom and never met his dad, so he didn’t necessarily have a good example himself.) Even though he’s using it to set an example, it genuinely makes me so fucking happy every Friday. I literally look forward to getting home from work and seeing what bouquet he got this time. I’m not sure exactly what I’m feeling, if I’m just over romanticizing the situation and looking too much into things, but the past couple weeks I’ve been feeling like a child with a crush. He makes me blush just from LOOKING at me 😭 I’ve never felt that way about anyone before. Now I’m feeling ultra stupid because what if I catch feelings and he doesn’t, then I’m just in a one sided marriage. I’m also scared that I’m feeling this way because I’ve never been treated right before in my past relationships. Like am I falling in love with him or the feeling of being treated how I should be? I don’t know and I’m so confused. I think I’m screwed. EDIT: Thank you so much for all of the advice! Redditors have made me realize in a few short hours that I am in fact in love with my own husband lmao. His birthday is on Christmas, so I’m thinking of doing something special to just show my appreciation for him first. Nothing crazy like one comment suggested 👀 Hopefully I’ll have an update for you all soon! And hopefully it’s what you all want lol. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: … he isn’t going to bring flowers home weekly if he doesn’t have feelings. Talk to him, not Reddit! OOP: I don’t even know how to approach the topic. I also need to sort through my feelings first make sure it’s real before I say anything. I’m terrified of jumping the gun on this. Commenter 2: The plot of so many romance novels. OOP: No shit that’s exactly what one of our friends said at our courthouse ceremony. I rolled my eyes at the time but now I’m letting that feed my delusions Commenter 3: 👀 girl what do you wear to bed?? Let’s start plott… I mean planning 🙂‍↕️. OOP: LMFAOOO nooo omg. I wear sweats and his old t shirts to bed 😭. Commenter 4: Girl you wear HIS shirts to bed. That’s your man. Also there’s a spare room. If he didn’t want to share a room with you he wouldn’t. OOP: The third bedroom is his home office. His job has remote and in office days so it’s a nonnegotiable Commenter 5: I’ve seen many people have an office setup in their bedroom during college and Covid. Maybe it a non-negotiable because he likes sharing a bedroom with his wife. My motto with men is “if he wanted to, he would.” and he totally is. Translation: If he didn’t want to share a room with you he wouldn’t be. He’d find a way, but he’s choosing to share a room with you. He’s sharing a room with you, because he wants to. OOP: People keep saying this and it’s starting to make sense. I slept on our couch the first few days until my husband came out at 2 am and brought me to bed. I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable in any way but he was really insistent on it being a non issue Commenter 6: He moved you into his home. Into his bed. You don't HAVE to even really live in the same house to be legally married. Perhaps he's not great at communicating feelings but no way a man that didn't at least have true fondness for you would start this whole thing. Take it slow, be cautious of limerence OOP: I mean yes, we don’t have to live under the same roof to be legally married, but it’s for tax reasons and our kids. Easier to raise them together under the same roof OOP on the courthouse ceremony OOP: We did a courthouse ceremony and it’s really easy getting the paperwork for it. We started the process a few days after I suggested it and had to wait about two weeks for everything to go through. That’s why it seems so fast 😂   Update: December 26, 2025 [UPDATE] I think I’m falling in love with my husband Hi everyone! I want to thank you all for your input and well wishes. It helped me come to my senses quicker than I would’ve on my own. I appreciate every single one of you and I hope this update gives you all some peace of mind. I did end up taking some of your advice and planned a nice gesture for my husband yesterday. My goal in mind wasn’t to confess to him (because I still wanted to wait on that) but to just show how much I appreciate him for everything he does for our family. The original plan was to offer a back massage after we put the kids to bed. I bought some candles, massage oil, and even a cute little pajama set to wear. (IDK where my mind was at with that. I was deep into fantasy land LOL 😂) The point was to make it relaxing, but also set a kind of romantic mood? Well, it didn’t happen. My husband completely uprooted my plans that morning. Up until now, we’ve been wearing some cheap and super simple wedding bands that weren’t anything special. But for Christmas, he gifted me a whole set. Wedding band AND engagement ring. And he didn’t just hand it to me wrapped, he actually got down on one knee. When I tell you I CRIED! I thought I was hallucinating and I still feel like I am!!! Every single one of you were right. This was never a marriage of convenience to him. He’s been in love with me since we were in high school and just never thought to tell me even after we were already married. We had a lot of long conversations after the initial confession. (I will be sparing details because I didn’t expect it to turn out this way and I’d like it to remain a private moment between us) At the end of the day, we’re still trying to raise two toddlers and have agreed that they will always be our primary focus, but we are going to give a real relationship a shot. I will admit, it’s kind of scary, but I do think that this is the next step towards healing after my last relationship. I feel truly loved by my husband. I think that this is where I’m meant to be. Happy Holidays, nosy redditors ❤️.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Busy_Top6281 Originally posted to r/Marriage Previous BoRUs: #1 [New Update]: My wife (24F) hid that she can’t have kids and I (27M) just found out after 6 years together. I don’t know what to do. NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Editor’s note: made small edits for ease of readability Trigger Warnings: medical issues, child abandonment, mentions of abuse and alcoholism, death of a loved one, trauma Mood Spoilers: getting better RECAP Original Post: October 18, 2025 me and wife have been together for 6 years and married for 3. Weve built a happy marriage and a stable and comfortable life. Once everything felt settled, we decided to start a family. From the very beginning, I was clear about wanting a big family, 4 or 5 kids, and she always said she was on board. After a year of trying with no success, I got myself checked, and everything came back fine. That’s when she sat me down for a serious talk. She finally told me that before we got together, she had a medical procedure due to some health issues, and she’s known this entire time that her chances of getting pregnant were negligible. I just went numb. Everything after that felt like a blur. She broke down crying and apologized over and over. I couldn’t process it, I just left despite her begging me to stay and talk. Its been 3 days. I’ve just been drifting around the city and staying with my sister. After non stop barrage of calls and messages from my wife, I snapped and destroyed my phone to get some peace. So no contact for 3 days. My sister went to our place to grab some work stuff for me and said my wife is completely shattered. She kept begging my sister to convince me to come home and talk to her. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what hurts more, her hiding it from me all these years, letting me believe we had a real chance, or the fact that I still can’t bring myself to hate her. My mind keeps spiraling and I don’t feel ready to face her or talk about it. I just feel lost. What should I do? Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: Just go your separate ways. You are both still young. You have plenty of time to have your big family and she will find someone else. OOP: I really loved her. I feel like my head going to explode with all the thoughts Commenter 2: She says the chances of getting pregnant are negligible - has she been checked recently - medical advances happen regularly. Has she ever had a second opinion. Ir was she just told pregnancy is unlikely. Does she want kids or is IVF a possibility. Adoption. The fact she hid this is atrocious. But you need to talk to her. If you want kids and she doesn't or can't, then this marriage is over. OOP: as I said I haven’t even get to the bottom of this, once the truth hit me, I was like on auto pilot, didn’t hear anything. I believe I should talk with her but my mind keeps questioning Commenter 3: It’s one thing if she just found this out after all this time of trying. But to hide something like that from you, knowing that you wanted a family and she hid that VERY important information from you…I don’t blame you for feeling lost one bit. You said you made it known from the beginning and she basically said “oh ok whatever, marry me anyway.” I don’t know what you should do. If wanting a family is that high up your priority list, then you have some decisions to make and you know what you likely have to do here.   Update #1: October 27, 2025 (nine days later) UPDATE: My wife (24F) hid that she cant have kids and I (27M) just found out after 6 years together. I don’t know what to do. I posted the 1st one from my laptop while working, just venting everything I felt in the moment. I think it came off one-sided, so I want to give more context and clear up a few things people kept asking. Sorry if this isnt super coherent. Some context about her I already knew, she’s an only child. Her family lived paycheck to paycheck. Her mom left when she was 13, and her dad raised her alone. He later turned alcoholic and abusive. When we met around 18, she already had anxiety, abandonment and trust issues. Her dad died when she was 19. Early in our relationship, I helped her get some therapy however I could, and she leaned on me for everything. After her dad passed, I moved her in, and my family became hers. A lot of you told me to face it, and my mom also called, saying the same. So the next morning, I went home. She was a mess, and the house too. When she saw me, she just froze for a second, then broke down and came to me crying and apologizing. I got her to sit down and calm, made something for us, and we finally talked. The part she’d hidden, when she was 16, she had surgery to remove a cyst in her ovary. There were complications that caused internal scarring, and Drs told her a toned-down version of natural pregnancy was extremely unlikely. That surgery put her dad into debt, later he spiraled into alcohol, stopped coming home, blamed her for being damaged goods like her mom, always f*cking up his life, and started harassing her. That messed her up. She never had a check-up after that. Before we met, she was broke and barely coping with everything. After we got together, she said she didn’t have the courage to find out more, scared of what she might hear, and terrified of losing me if I found out. She hoped for a miracle after reading stories of women getting pregnant despite similar issues. Everything fell apart when I brought up getting checked. (I got myself checked secretly, just to be sure, so I wouldn’t stress her unnecessarily.) Upon hearing her out, I lost my cool and went off on her for hiding something so serious. I told her I needed space and asked her to stay with my parents for a while so I could think clearly. She broke down, begged me not to leave, said shed do anything to make it work. I dropped her to my parent's place. By day two, I realized I genuinely missed her. The house felt empty without her. I brought her back home. What she did hurt me deeply, but I realised, couldnt just throw her away like some of you said, because I still love her. We're not talking much right now. I’m still processing it all, taking one step at a time. Many pointed out that if she hid something this serious, she could be hiding more, honestly that makes me uneasy. Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: I was one on those who said if she is hiding this then what else is the hiding. But, this added information adds that she has massive trauma and now I understand where she had secret hopes instead of just addressing this. Get her to a specialist. Her body might carry a child, with some medical intervention. Also, she needs intense and regular counseling about her family. Her dad dying of alcoholism is not her fault. If she does the emotional work and is open with you about everything from now on, you might get through this, and be a stronger couple. OOP: I am thinking about getting counciling as everyone mentioned 1st and then explore options with specialist on fertility. Is this the right approach. Commenter 2: Here's the honest truth: women who go through significant trauma at the hands of their parents can "escape' into marriage young to try and feel safe. Sometimes it works, but sometimes it is just a trauma bomb waiting to explode. She had a lot of unprocessed grief and trauma that a healthy person would have dealt with before getting married. So: it's not you, and it's kinda not even her. But she needs serious, deep therapy. If you love her help her get that. I'm not a doctor, but she may have eggs that can be harvested. BUT she needs to deal with the trauma first. You sound like a good man. Even if you end up separating, just know that she came to you as a safe space after years of abuse. OOP: Currently not thinking about seperation. I am more hurt on lying part. I want to talk heart to heart with her. Everybody here , is rushing me to do things but I am literally walking on eggshells right now Commenter 3: I'm going to get blasted for this but... what a tragedy; my heart breaks for her. 1.) Her original trauma taught her that she was disposable, damaged, if she admits this she'll be abandoned and unlovable. 2.) So she spent years hiding this trauma from him, certain that being honest wasn't safe, that he would never love her if he knew. 3.) When the truth finally came out, his reaction, while understandable because of his own trauma and devastation, proved her deepest fears and her clear understanding of the world, of her self: he got furious, he left, he cut her off. A mirror of her father's (albeit slower) reaction. 4.) Now he brought her back, and they'll rebuild the marriage slowly, but she'll ALWAYS know: I'm disposable. I'm broken. I'm unlovable and it's only by a miracle that he still wants me, now I can NEVER fail again or be damaged or he'll leave for good. (If anything, he's taught her to hide things better, because it's not safe to be honest). It's bad and rough all around, but... what could have been... a come-together moment, a chance to put aside his anger and hurt and show her that no matter what she's loved and will never be abandoned... now will just never happen. It just breaks my heart. I get that this was huge, I get that his reaction was perfectly normal. But it tragically will destroy her even further. And that breaks my heart. OOP: Thanks for this pov. I haven't thought this way. I will help her Commenter 4: How strange that you "dropped her off at your parents".. if you wanted a break you should have left. You have displaced her once again.. just an odd move. Commenter 5: I think I understand. He had been gone and she was a wreck and the house a mess. If he left again she would continue to spiral. He took her to family that can hopefully support her and stabilize her. And the fact he is home in the house should give her some comfort. At first it didn’t make sense to me but after a second read, that was my take. OOP: Exactly. My mind was going through so many questions, and not in a clear space. I wanted her to be in a place where she can feel safe and taken care of while I can have peace. Commenter 6: I think she’s never brought it up because of the trauma it caused her. She probably blames herself for her dad’s alcoholism and death from what he’s said to her. You’re right to be angry, but I think that once you’ve cooled down you should really look at the WHY, because that’s some serious shit and while I’d be pissed it would give me some clarity Edit to add: it sounds like she was also in denial and acknowledging it makes all her trauma that much more real. Like maybe she thought that if she COULD get pregnant then all the stuff with her dad after the surgery would have (sort of?) been worth it if it meant carrying her own children. It’s sad all around and I hope OP doesn’t give up on her   ----NEW UPDATE---- Update #2: November 28, 2025 (one month later) It’s been a month since my last update. Things didn’t go the way I expected, but not in a bad way. My wife and I had the long heart to heart we’d been avoiding. There was a lot of crying, talking, and honestly a lot of relief. She’s in therapy now and putting in real effort, as for me I am working through stuff on my own. I can see changes like she’s calmer, more present, genuinely happier. I’m focusing on her wellbeing for now. I decided meeting a fertility specialist only after I'm sure she’s emotionally okay. Something I realized during all this is that after marriage, Id started taking her for granted. So I’m trying to change our dynamic back to a bf/gf phase again, and for a while things did feel almost normal. Then two nights ago, she woke me up in the middle of the night after crying for hours I think, she said she was terrified Id eventually leave her because she might never be able to be a mother. She kept apologizing and begging me not to abandon her. I consoled her and assured her until she fell asleep holding onto me. The next day, I spoke to her therapist. She said therapy is pulling up old trauma and that fear of abandonment can surface suddenly, even when things seem stable. She also said it might happen again and not to worry. On top of all this, work has been overwhelming. I took on a new project months before all this, and I haven’t been able to spend as much time with her as before now. I think everything hit her at once. Right now, I’m just trying to keep things steady for both of us. Theres a lot on my plate, and I’m tired, but I’m trying. Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: Good luck. Quick question - why is her therapist disclosing anything to you? Therapy is meant to be deeply private and confidential? OOP: therapist isn't disclosing any confidential matter, she is giving me an idea on what's happening Commenter 2: Healing is never a straight line. You both will have setbacks along that journey, on top of everything else life can throw at you. Recognize that sometimes even just baby steps are still improvements. If this is to work and you both want it to, remember to give yourselves grace in the process. Good luck to you. Commenter 3: This is the woman for you despite the challenges. If you want kids, there are several ways to do that. If I were you, I would keep this marriage and try other means to have children. I'm rooting for your marriage. Good luck.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Lanerinsaner 90% positive my sister-in-law (currently living with us) stole my wife’s dog and gave him to her friend. Originally posted to r/legaladvice MOOD SPOILER: outrageous but ends positive Original Post Oct 20, 2017 Hello everybody. We live in Boise Idaho. Last week my wife’s pug Banjo was missing from our backyard. My wife hung up flyers everywhere and through social media the search for Banjo has been shared throughout multiple states. We have retrieved tons of calls about sightings of a wondering pug near where we live. We’ve checked and it has it haven’t been Banjo At little background: My wife’s sister who is living with us at the moment, has expressed her hate that our dog sleeps in a dog house outside during spring, summer and warm days in fall. She believes he should be an inside dog and has always hated that he sleeps in a dog house. My wife always has her dog inside during the day, but most night he sleeps in his dog house outside. Anyways.. Our dog went missing last Saturday morning and the gate was open. We 100% saw him sleeping outside the night before. Apparently my wife’s sister’s friend posted to social media with a picture of a brand new pug she got- which happened to be the night before he went missing. When my wife went to look the friend and sister in law blocked her from their social media. We had someone else try and look to see if it was him, but the post was quickly removed I guess. My sister-in-laws friend usually comes over to our house twice a month. So she knows the dog and our house. The friend hasn’t posted any pictures of the dog, but apparently she named the dog Nacho... which sounds decently close to Banjo and would allow him to come to their call. My sister-in-law instantly gets quiet whenever we bring the banjo up and is seriously acting suspicious as crap. There are some other personal details regarding why we believe she would take them. The sister in law and friend are both around 19 and act very immaturely. My wife thinks they are keeping the at the friends boyfriends house. We found out where he lives and my wife wants to go on a stakeout to see if we can see if it’s him they have before contacting the police about it. I want to confront the sister in law about it, but my wife is worried if we do she will tell her friend to move the dog somewhere else to stay out of trouble. My question is, if they really did steal our dog what can we do about it? Also any advice would be greatly appreciated. My wife has been so upset this last week and I just want to find her dog. I have a feeling my sister in law did take him and give him to her friend. I just don’t want to take action without full blown proof. We have multiple pictures of banjo to compare and see if it’s him and also have proof of when we purchased the dog and also the social media post about him missing. I just want to find him and will be upset if they really did this to us. Thank you for reading. RELEVANT COMMENTS Carl321321 Did you ever take the dog to the Vet? Did he have any operation or stitches that could be used to verify? OOP No we have not. He is a very unique pug though. Way taller and longer legged than most pugs. Luckily we have lots of pictures of him to compare. mollycool_ also take your animal to the vet. hate to sound like an ass but that's terribly irresponsible of you as a dog owner to have never taken your dog to a vet. dogs need a checkup once a year. OOP He just turned one this month. That’s why we haven’t yet. Edit: Not sure why I am being downvoted. We purchased him as a puppy after he was already given his shots and such. You said he needs to be given a checkup once a year.. He just turned one and my wife was already planning on taking him to get one this month. Edit 2: You guys are completely right. As soon as we find him we will take him to the vet for a checkup, shots and chip. Appreciate the feedback. ~ CallingYouOut2 My first question is, why is this person still living in your house and have you started eviction proceedings? OOP If this all turns out to be true, then she will be out of the house quick. FellKnight Just some advice to make sure you evict her legally with written notice in accordance with Idaho laws, otherwise you are opening yourself up to a potential lawsuit. Update Oct 22, 2017 (2 days later) Boise, Idaho Here is an update since my last post. My wife got her friend to confront the friend and her boyfriend who they thought took him. They were recording the whole interaction. The friend and her boyfriend pretended they had no idea who my wife was- even though the girl has came over to our house multiple times over the years and is best friends with my wife’s sister. Our dog banjo was at the door when they answered. After my wife’s friend confronted them and told them they were going to get the police involved, they slammed the door in her face. My wife talked to a cop but was told they couldn’t do anything that night since the couple that took our dog lived in the next by city. My wife gave them information about it all and gave them the girls number who took the dog. The cop called her and left a voicemail after she didn’t answer. The cop then called my wife and told her to go to their house with the cop on the line. They then acted like they didn’t have a dog, even though they just saw the dog when they first confronted them. The cop told my wife to leave the house because the girl wouldn’t even come to the door to talk to my wife. The cops told my wife they will call her back once the girl responds to the cops voicemail. Ten minutes later, the girl who stole the dog texted my wife saying they will give her banjo back as long as they don’t involve the cops (sketchy). They met up with them and got banjo back while being cussed out for stalking them and finding where they live. Banjo is now home and I’ve never seen my wife so happy with tears of joy. As for my wife’s sister who is currently living with us and was a part of the whole process.. is playing dumb and acting like she didn’t know about it until a couple days ago. We will be having a sit down discussion with her once she gets home and will be giving her an eviction notice on when she needs to be moved out. I will let her know and will be recording the whole conversation as well as writing an eviction notice document. My wife is beyond upset she would be betrayed by her sister, especially after we were only charging her $50 a month on rent with her own bathroom, letting her use our car to get to work and even feeding her, so she could save up for a vehicle for herself. As much as I hate being mean to people, I can’t allow her to live with us any longer and will be cutting off letting her use the car today. I just really hope she learns a lesson from this, just as much as I have. Thanks everyone for the advice and opinions. We really appreciate it. Now onto my next updated: I’ve read every comment you guys wrote and I completely agree with you all. First off, I’ve never really had a dog before because I am not an animal person sadly. My wife on the other hand- is the biggest animal lover I’ve ever met. See would literally adopt every animal she has come across if she could. I wasn’t aware pugs had such issues sleeping outside, even if he slept in a insulated doghouse. Some more background information is we didn’t let him sleep outside until two months ago. He would be inside all day until around 7 pm and sleep in his dog house. Around this time, the outside temperature was averaging 70 degrees outside. Another piece of information I’ve learned is my wife has actually gave banjo his worming shots and that tick stuff you give a dog. We live in a subdivision with a decent sized gated backyard. So i wasn’t worried about animals attacking him. Because of the feedback you guys have given me, I have talked to my wife and we will be making banjo an inside dog from now on. We will also be making sure he gets taken to the vet and get all of his shots and checkups. I apologize if I upset anyone about the way we treated banjo. I didn’t put enough effort into thinking about his sleeping and veterinarian needs. I am currently in the process of potty training our 2 and 1/2 year old son and have been putting more effort than anything else making sure he is learning and using the potty. So we will be working our hardest to give Banjo the best life he can. My wife loves him more than anything and treats him as another son. I’ve honestly never seen anyone love a dog as much as my wife loves and treats Banjo. He is super happy and excited to be home and my son gave him a big hug as soon as he got here. Thank you again for everything you guys have helped me with. Advice, thoughts and your opinions. I will work my hardest to make sure we can be he best dog owners we can possibly be. I’m just glad he is home. Thank you guys again! Edit: some grammar and update on sister-in-law. FINAL COMMENTS When told to get Banjo chipped We are getting Banjo microchipped this Friday. **DOG TAX!!! OOP has a previous post on r/aww My wife and I bought our first dog! Reddit meet Banjo THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I’m nearly having an anxiety attack and need advice. Over a year ago we watched a coworkers cat at our house and he unfortunately peed on my cats toy box. I cleaned it the best I could but the smell still lingered slightly. Today I discovered my newer cat (we adopted him about a year ago, after watching the coworkers cats) has been peeing in the toy box for awhile. I begun to start taking the toys out to throw stuff away, and he walked over to me and started to attack me. I could tell he was 100% having redirected aggression, I’m guessing a territorial thing. My boyfriend tried to calm him down but he pounced onto him and bit him. Then he started chasing my other cat around trying to attack her. He bit me on the finger so bad I think I might need to go to the ER for a couple stitches. Finally I just grabbed him by his scruff (I would never do this but he was trying to full blown attack us and I was terrified) and was able to throw him into our spare bedroom to hopefully calm down. He’s been in there for a little over an hour now and hasn’t seemed to calm down. He is sitting right in front of the door and will scream and throw himself at the door if he hears any of us walking around in the hall I’m genuinely scared of him right now and have no idea what to do. He has no food, water or litter box in there but I don’t think we can open the door to put that in without him trying to jump and attack us. I have some gabapentin I’m going to try to put in wet food, but again I have no clue how to get it in there. He’s done something like this once where he saw something outside then turned and started attacking my other cat, but not me. He ended up calming down after an hour or two but this time he won’t calm down at all I’m so sad and upset. I love him so much and he’s usually super sweet, but now I feel like I’ll be scared of him forever even if he calms down. I’ve never dealt with an cat this aggressive before. Any advice would help a ton submitted by /u/ByteEvader to r/CATHELP [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/No_Pool_7823 Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest Previous BoRUs: #1, #2 [New Update]: My 15yo idiot kid got his GF pregnant on purpose. NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Editor's note: removed relevant comments from older posts for more space in this latest BoRU Thanks to u/Lynavi and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for letting me know about the latest update! Trigger Warnings: paternity fraud, teenage pregnancy, manipulation, possible mental health struggles Mood Spoilers: incredibly frustrating, outrageous RECAP Original Post: April 26, 2025 Throwaway for obvious reasons. I 30F have a child who is 15M - we'll call him Ollie plus other children aged 2, 6, 9 and 11. As you can tell by my own age I was teen parent, I was lucky and we married at 18, still married, healthy relationship, worked our away out of a very dire situation (graduated, started a trade etc) and we are comfortable, stable in all ways - this information is relevant. Ollie has been friends with this girl - we'll call her Bree since he was 7 years old. Their family use to live in the same city as us and went to the same school, same friendship group. We know her parents and are long distance friends ourselves (not close friends but say hello when the kids are on video chat, had drinks together before) Bree's family moved to a very small town 3 states away due to rental affordability (no secret) we all have talked about the rising costs of everyday life, the cost of living in this city has risen forcing many locals out. They moved because of that and for better job opportunities 18 months ago. Since then, Ollie has been begging for us to follow. Giving us a sales pitch on cheaper housing, better paying jobs (none of which fit either of our professions), the whole works. We have said no because well - No but even if we wanted too our other children are in school, sports and have friends here. Selling and buying another house, finding work outside of our skill set or having to learn new skills - any normal adult would understand this, he does not. Well fast forward to Christmas Bree's family come back to our city for a holiday and the kids met up multiple times with each other, it was my understand that they were always with the other kids but obviously not since Bree is pregnant and I am certain it was on purpose. He has access to condoms (I don't care for opinions on that, My access was restricted and I had him), He has had sex ed from me, my husband, school. He knows damn well how babies are made and how not to have one. Ollie now wants me to move to be with her and the baby (Its confirmed, I've talked to her parents) and I said No, I don't feel I need a reason but he asked. You're 15. We don't have any proof it your child yet. I'm not moving us away from our lives and you aren't going alone until your 18. We will do a DNA test then we will look at parenting plans and topped it off with a too bad, too sad. You made your bed, now you have to sleep in it. He took that back to Bree and now all communication between me and her parents has been cut, I'm a terrible person. My comments about the DNA test are disgusting and its fueling my sons hate for me. He says I am keeping him from the love of his life and future baby using my own successful relationship as proof it will work out. I actually don't even know if I am right or not. I'm just really upset and feel like my life I worked really hard for has been destroyed. EDITED FOR UPDATE: To answer some question. She is due September around the 22nd. So no there is no option for abortion. I dont think that or adoption ever was. Ollie admitted it was on purpose last night. Apparently, it was Bree's idea first "as a joke" that turned into a plan together. Bree's parents will only pass messages through my son and I have heard this for myself, I stood outside the door and listened to them tell him "Tell you mother "Insert info below" because I know I will just go off on her about that bullshit still". They are talking shit about me with my kid. They are appalled I would think that way of Bree when I have known her for more than half her life and do not wish to talk to me. I will not allow him to move out there alone. There are some past issues such has Bree breaking up with him twice in the last 18 months because she found someone that she liked more her new town (around August and October last year, same boy) and when it ended, she came back to Ollie. Bree is a nice girl but her behavior is toxic and has been since a child. Her mother and stepfather are nice but the relationship is unstable, the house is chaos (nine children combined, blended family and 2/3 teens with serious mental health struggles). He would be leaving stability for chaos and no structure. I want a DNA test, I will not budge on that. I am close to cutting HIS contact totally at this point because they are only empowering him and reenforcing his behavior towards me and his father. His father is a man of few words. Which is unhelpful, so far he's backed everything I have said and only really chosen to say "You have the intelligence of a pear" UPDATE #2 MAY 30TH: Things have gone south even further. At this point Husband and I have been blocked on all social media and numbers blocked but the communication with Ollie has continued. Ollie gave us Bree's parents email address to send a email too but before using that I asked him to video chat Bree with me there and then I could ask Bree to please get her parents so I can talk to them about this and tell her that if they were going to continue to refuse then I would be blocking all contact to Ollie and communication until this is resolved - I told Ollie this before the call, at first he flipped out about it but it was this or I cut communication completely. I do think he understood that it is not okay that her parents are speaking to me through minors and he said himself he would like us to talk to each other. Bree joined the call and hung up when she saw I too was there. Ollie called back a few times and she didn't answer. She asked via text why I wanted to talk to her and Ollie told her that I wanted to speak to her mother and if we didn't resolve the communication issue then all contact would be ended until her parents made contact with us and we make a plan for the next few months (including DNA) and then birth arrangements, said that if the baby is his we will travel there for the birth and first few weeks after - he told her that I personally think it probably is his baby but I want to be sure and make sure everything is done right from the start. Well Bree blocked him with a reply, and he is totally heartbroken not eating, sitting in his room all day and night, NOT mad at me surprisingly - very, very sorry for him and to us, sad about it all and I think regretful. He even asked me if there was a way to "Undo it" for himself, I haven't talked about signing over rights (a "male abortion" his father called it) because I think he's just upset right now. A mutual friend of Bree and Ollies here in our hometown showed him a few posts she has made in the last 24 hours. Things like "It's you and me against the world baby girl" and memes about Deadbeat dads. She also announced the pregnancy which she hadn't done yet and the post had some single mother facts and quotes. Ollie's friends knew about the situation, and a few were under the impression he had "dumped her and the baby" going by the posts but when he explained that what had happen, they all rallied for him in the comments (I said not too) and now she's blocked them, and we can't see what she has posted. This is just a nightmare. I have of had a plan personally, not set but something I wanted to talk to her parents about, but I don't even want to waste my time at this point. Ollie gave us Bree's parents email address to send a email too with said plan. Basically, Bree does DNA blood test. We will pay the full $1500 for it, if it is his baby we can book flights and plan to be there for the first month, I'll stay too with Ollie, maybe even the whole family and then we can also work on a parenting plan and getting into mediation for a judge to sign off on it - Ollie's father and I spilt for the first 7 months of his life so we have done this before and we know the process. But at this point I think I will just leave it to settle before sending a email.   Update #3: June 3, 2025 (four days later from Update #2 in the original post) Editor's note: edited out the bottom 2/3 of the updated post as it is a rehash of the original post Someone suggested I repost the update because they didn't see it until now, so I am. UPDATE AGAIN JUNE 3RD: Ollie's friend was able to see her Instagram through a old account (different email? I don't use Instagram enough to know what that means but it meant they weren't blocked when they reactivated).** They found the "pregnancy announcement post" and if you scrolled across it showed a digital copy of the scan Bree sent us as a 16 week scan - apparently the first scan she had at the OB. That is DATED 04/04 and clearly says GA 19+3 weeks, making an August due date I believe or very early September. This would not line up with the due date given to us but does line up with when her parents told me she was pregnant mid April, they told us "We've had the pregnancy confirmed" and sent a photo of the printed pic which the date isn't on there - I actually think it may of been cut off the top! I haven't told Ollie this yet because I want to be sure. I am very concerned about his mental health at the moment and taking that into considerate. But unless she gave the wrong period dates and the baby measured only 16 weeks then its not possible for it to be our sons. Also added information, her due date from what we know if September 22nd. She was here from December 20th to Jan 7th and saw Ollie December 21st and 22nd and January 4th and 5th. Never overnight. I asked Ollie when did this "happen" and he said January 4th was the only time which makes more sense as they were in public gathering otherwise (they were at a mutual friend's birthday that night but never stayed overnight). I have had 5 kids and I know the dates are too close to figure it out that way. *Ollie also said that the "joke" Bree made was to just see "if it happens" - The pregnancy because then it's obviously meant to be and he would be able to move. Too me it sounds like she had the plan a lot longer but I may be bias here.   Editor’s note: OOP made a separate update for the June 25th update, but it was removed, later re-installed in the first update post Update #4: June 15, 2025 (same update post, 12 days later) I spoke to Bree biological father (lives in this town) who had no idea about any of this - before you come for me, there was no known DV or anything. I felt I had run out of options at this point and I just wanted a way to contact them. Bree's mother then made contact, agreed to the blood test if we paid for it, Ollie and Bree spoke again and Bree asked to come here for a "holiday" and have an ultrasound with him to prove dates in person. I agreed to this, but I may not be thinking straight with the stress we have all been under. She says she is 26 weeks, sent him a photo of her belly (which has grown) and told him there is no other option but him to be the father, that the ultrasound had to go by her last period date and she didn't remember so she went by her app and it was the period before. Thats why the dates are out on the scan, I asked if she had a physical booklet of pregnancy notes or something because I know from experience that they have all the confirmed information on them, but she said everything is digital with her doctor and I didn't want to push because it's not my medical info. I'm wondering if I do just fly her out here on my own terms (her mother agreed) and do the blood and ultrasound here and put an end to it all.   Update #5: June 25, 2025 (same update post, 10 days later) We all come to a travel arrangement, we paid for Bree to fly out and her father was paying for the ticket home. Bree was supposed to fly to us this morning and stay for 6 weeks total flying back some time in august (her fathers in charge of that flight) She was staying with us over these next few weeks while we do our annual July 4th family vacation for a week and then a couple more weeks back here at home for the ultrasound / blood test. This was decided together (both families) because Bree and Ollie would like to have some kind of positive experience / memories during the pregnancy and obviously if baby wasn't his Bree would be taken to her fathers, and we would be finished with it all. But she never turned up for her flight. She texted the night before that the Dr did not recommend, she should not travel as she is at risk of preterm labor due to her age and her severe morning sickness makes her only be able to tolerate Pineapple juice, so she is needing to be hospitalized and maybe even deliver early. This is on top of a group photo that included Bree, obviously pregnant in a tight tee. Hugging the boy she was dating in her new town, his hand on her belly. It was quickly removed from her story when Ollie asked, I think it was intentional to make him jealous. I am done. I do not believe her or her parents. I have contacted a lawyer and therapist, I will not be updating again until I know the outcome of the DNA test that I assume will not be done until after the baby is born since I was told today, I cannot force her to have while pregnant. If this baby is Ollies and my grandchild, I am willing to move Bree here and have her live with us. It has no chance and will continue to ruin my son's life from afar.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Editor's Note: OOP made the latest update on a separate post, but also added the same body text onto the first update post Update #6: July 13, 2025 (new post, almost three weeks later) NEWEST UPDATE 07/13 My 15yo got his GF pregnant on purpose. I didn't plan on updating prior to the DNA test but I can confidently say we do not need it to know the truth. We will likely still do one if Bree sticks to her story, only I will go through the courts at this point. We have a family lawyer and he has advised these updates are fine as long as I do not identify anyone by name, location etc I had a lot of helpful messages on here and I do read them all even if I dont reply. One was from a radiographer who suggested that I look at the measurements of the baby on the ultrasound if I am able to get scan pictures and then use that to calculate if the baby was 16 weeks on that scan. I have kept that idea in mind if I ever got the chance to see the scan myself. The same redditor also raised concerns that she only had this one scan at "16 weeks" and there wasn't a 20 week scan again 4 weeks later. All OBs would do a scan at 18-22 weeks. The one photo we have seen is a photo of a scan, a profile shot of the babies face at "16 weeks" and there hasn't been another scan since then. We have been playing it safe and being very careful with how we tread around Bree, not wanting to cause any arguments. We have no mentioned this to them yet and if by chance someone tells them via this post or they know about this post we don't care, we have nothing to lose since the baby ISN'T Ollies and this is how I know. Bree and Ollie have many mutual friends, but only one other girl (Hannah) who is still friends with both of them from within the group. Hannah believes Ollie is the father because that's what Bree says but she had a falling out with Bree this week. It lead to her talking to Ollie and then she sent Ollie a video that Bree sent her after the ultrasound in April. Prior to this Bree had told her not to show him because he wasn't going to be in the babies life by choice and all the things she was posting about deadbeat dads. .The video shows MULTIPLE measurements being done and I was able to see clearly that the baby measured 19 weeks and that scan was the 20 week scan. There is no way that baby is Ollies baby. She is due August 26th. Ollie knows all of this and is doing okay. Very angry but he has the support he needs. What happens now we don't know but we know the truth. All we can do is speculate as to why my son was the target of this plan. I know we will likely never know the truth. To clear some things up, I will not be taking this up with Bree and her family until after the baby is born. I am not concerned about the DNA test results but will still do one. In the video the OB/Nurse whoever it was doing the scan says, "So your due date is August 26th, which lines up perfect for you last period..." So I KNOW that's the due date and you can clearly see the numbers on screen showing the measurements are 18-19 weeks. Ollie cannot be the father; she wasn't even in the state. There is plenty of other more detailed clues I have but will not post, I think the father is the boyfriend in that town but what I don't understand is why Ollie was better. Yes there is "more money" but we aren't rich, we just live smart. Thanks for the support. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: If she had had unprotected sex with multiple people then you need your son to get tested for everything. Ollie is lucky to have parents who are looking out for him. OOP: We have done. he's been given the all clear thank goodness. Commenter 2: Good that you’re protecting Ollie. Are you planning to do anything on his lying manipulative behaviour? Left unaddressed, he has the potential to manipulate not only you, but others including his friends, future partners. OOP: Therapy. Commenter 3: Would love to know what exactly you've done when it comes to consequences inside the home. He obviously needs therapy, but therapy isn't a consequence, it's a necessity. It seems like you've let him off the hook for everything because you feel bad that he's sad. That's not enough. OOP: We believe in natural consequences rather than punishments. So a natural consequence for this situation is exactly what's happened. A natural consequence for the intention to manipulate us to move etc is now the loss of trust and with a loss of trust comes the loss of freedom until that trust is earnt. but if I am totally honest, my kid just needs therapy and support at this point. He has lost everything, his confidence, his reputation, his girlfriend (even if for the better), a large majority of his friends and their parents who now don't want him around their kids etc Just because WE know that baby isn't his, doesn't mean the rest of the world around us does. Bree still insist it is and most believe her. He is being punished but not by me. OOP clarifies details on the pregnancy scan at 16 and 20 weeks OOP: She never had a 16-week scan. She had a 20-week scan that she told us was 16 weeks. As far as I know that is the only scan she has had. We will do a DNA test via the courts if she tried to pull child support, where we live you either need to sign the birth cert and agree that you're the father to be put on CS or if you disagree then you need to do a DNA test and its court ordered. So that would depend on what they do, I am not wasting money on a test when I know 100% already that baby isn't is. OOP on taking the proper steps of dealing with this whole situation OOP: We have spoken to a family lawyer and in our state, Bree can put him on the birth cert without him signing it, but in order to file for child support he needs to agree that he is the father plus be sighted as listed on the birth cert. If he raises a disagreement about being the father, it goes through court and a DNA would be ordered.   Latest Update here: BoRU #4   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/No_Pool_7823 Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest Previous BoRUs: #1 [New Updates]: My 15yo idiot kid got his GF pregnant on purpose. NEW UPDATES MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: teenage pregnancy, manipulation, possible mental health struggles Mood Spoilers: incredibly frustrating RECAP Original Post: April 26, 2025 Throwaway for obvious reasons. I 30F have a child who is 15M - we'll call him Ollie plus other children aged 2, 6, 9 and 11. As you can tell by my own age I was teen parent, I was lucky and we married at 18, still married, healthy relationship, worked our away out of a very dire situation (graduated, started a trade etc) and we are comfortable, stable in all ways - this information is relevant. Ollie has been friends with this girl - we'll call her Bree since he was 7 years old. Their family use to live in the same city as us and went to the same school, same friendship group. We know her parents and are long distance friends ourselves (not close friends but say hello when the kids are on video chat, had drinks together before) Bree's family moved to a very small town 3 states away due to rental affordability (no secret) we all have talked about the rising costs of everyday life, the cost of living in this city has risen forcing many locals out. They moved because of that and for better job opportunities 18 months ago. Since then, Ollie has been begging for us to follow. Giving us a sales pitch on cheaper housing, better paying jobs (none of which fit either of our professions), the whole works. We have said no because well - No but even if we wanted too our other children are in school, sports and have friends here. Selling and buying another house, finding work outside of our skill set or having to learn new skills - any normal adult would understand this, he does not. Well fast forward to Christmas Bree's family come back to our city for a holiday and the kids met up multiple times with each other, it was my understand that they were always with the other kids but obviously not since Bree is pregnant and I am certain it was on purpose. He has access to condoms (I don't care for opinions on that, My access was restricted and I had him), He has had sex ed from me, my husband, school. He knows damn well how babies are made and how not to have one. Ollie now wants me to move to be with her and the baby (Its confirmed, I've talked to her parents) and I said No, I don't feel I need a reason but he asked. You're 15. We don't have any proof it your child yet. I'm not moving us away from our lives and you aren't going alone until your 18. We will do a DNA test then we will look at parenting plans and topped it off with a too bad, too sad. You made your bed, now you have to sleep in it. He took that back to Bree and now all communication between me and her parents has been cut, I'm a terrible person. My comments about the DNA test are disgusting and its fueling my sons hate for me. He says I am keeping him from the love of his life and future baby using my own successful relationship as proof it will work out. I actually don't even know if I am right or not. I'm just really upset and feel like my life I worked really hard for has been destroyed. EDITED FOR UPDATE: To answer some question. She is due September around the 22nd. So no there is no option for abortion. I dont think that or adoption ever was. Ollie admitted it was on purpose last night. Apparently, it was Bree's idea first "as a joke" that turned into a plan together. Bree's parents will only pass messages through my son and I have heard this for myself, I stood outside the door and listened to them tell him "Tell you mother "Insert info below" because I know I will just go off on her about that bullshit still". They are talking shit about me with my kid. They are appalled I would think that way of Bree when I have known her for more than half her life and do not wish to talk to me. I will not allow him to move out there alone. There are some past issues such has Bree breaking up with him twice in the last 18 months because she found someone that she liked more her new town (around August and October last year, same boy) and when it ended, she came back to Ollie. Bree is a nice girl but her behavior is toxic and has been since a child. Her mother and stepfather are nice but the relationship is unstable, the house is chaos (nine children combined, blended family and 2/3 teens with serious mental health struggles). He would be leaving stability for chaos and no structure. I want a DNA test, I will not budge on that. I am close to cutting HIS contact totally at this point because they are only empowering him and reenforcing his behavior towards me and his father. His father is a man of few words. Which is unhelpful, so far he's backed everything I have said and only really chosen to say "You have the intelligence of a pear" UPDATE #2 MAY 30TH: Things have gone south even further. At this point Husband and I have been blocked on all social media and numbers blocked but the communication with Ollie has continued. Ollie gave us Bree's parents email address to send a email too but before using that I asked him to video chat Bree with me there and then I could ask Bree to please get her parents so I can talk to them about this and tell her that if they were going to continue to refuse then I would be blocking all contact to Ollie and communication until this is resolved - I told Ollie this before the call, at first he flipped out about it but it was this or I cut communication completely. I do think he understood that it is not okay that her parents are speaking to me through minors and he said himself he would like us to talk to each other. Bree joined the call and hung up when she saw I too was there. Ollie called back a few times and she didn't answer. She asked via text why I wanted to talk to her and Ollie told her that I wanted to speak to her mother and if we didn't resolve the communication issue then all contact would be ended until her parents made contact with us and we make a plan for the next few months (including DNA) and then birth arrangements, said that if the baby is his we will travel there for the birth and first few weeks after - he told her that I personally think it probably is his baby but I want to be sure and make sure everything is done right from the start. Well Bree blocked him with a reply, and he is totally heartbroken not eating, sitting in his room all day and night, NOT mad at me surprisingly - very, very sorry for him and to us, sad about it all and I think regretful. He even asked me if there was a way to "Undo it" for himself, I haven't talked about signing over rights (a "male abortion" his father called it) because I think he's just upset right now. A mutual friend of Bree and Ollies here in our hometown showed him a few posts she has made in the last 24 hours. Things like "It's you and me against the world baby girl" and memes about Deadbeat dads. She also announced the pregnancy which she hadn't done yet and the post had some single mother facts and quotes. Ollie's friends knew about the situation, and a few were under the impression he had "dumped her and the baby" going by the posts but when he explained that what had happen, they all rallied for him in the comments (I said not too) and now she's blocked them, and we can't see what she has posted. This is just a nightmare. I have of had a plan personally, not set but something I wanted to talk to her parents about, but I don't even want to waste my time at this point. Ollie gave us Bree's parents email address to send a email too with said plan. Basically, Bree does DNA blood test. We will pay the full $1500 for it, if it is his baby we can book flights and plan to be there for the first month, I'll stay too with Ollie, maybe even the whole family and then we can also work on a parenting plan and getting into mediation for a judge to sign off on it - Ollie's father and I spilt for the first 7 months of his life so we have done this before and we know the process. But at this point I think I will just leave it to settle before sending a email. Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: Nobody going to point out both children are manipulative? Obviously the girl was on board and it sure seems like they both kept it under wraps until it couldn’t be aborted. Both children are bad actors here. OOP: This. I think it was planned 100% on both sides and this was CHRISTMAS. She's around 24 weeks I believe and way past abortion. They also never told us until 20 weeks. Her family knew but never contacted me. Commenter 2: Quite the manipulative teen you got there. But by teen logic, his plan makes perfect sense. From any point of view, you can't give in to his plan, though. It would ruin you financially, ruin his relationship with his siblings, and yours with him. I would give him a detailed plan on how you and your partner managed to rise above all the risks of teen pregnancy. Focus on school, plan ahead, make sure 'the village' is on board. And of course, how lucky you both were, that it all worked out, despite having to sacrifice so much. How does he expect you to support his child, without your jobs? But he made the choice to become a parent. So now, he will have to do what you did... focus on school, get stability, make sure to stay in his and her parents good graces, so they can be the village they will desperately need. There is nothing he can do to 'support' his gf physically. And as a jab... he's done enough 'physical support' for a good while to come. He doesn't have a job. No way to provide financially. All he can do is focus on being able to do that as well and as soon as possible... so by the time he's ready to go partying, no. No, he isn't. He's going to bed early to get up for his weekend job, to save up for his kid. Edit to add... I just realized that if this becomes a family tradition, you'll be great great grandparents by the time you turn 60. LOL Commenter 3: He’s 15! You get to make the decisions and you are doing the right thing. No way can you move your whole family because of this. The responsible thing is to do a DNA and set up a parenting plan. He won’t like your decisions but that’s too bad sometimes being a good parenting is making decisions our kids hate us for. This is a result of THEIR bad decisions not yours! Commenter 4: Reality is about to hit that kid like a fucking train Commenter 5: A fifteen year old does not get to dictate terms on uprooting the whole family and ripping his siblings away from the only lives they know. A fifteen year old does not tell his parents what they'll do. Full stop. Junior here can sit down and reflect on how badly he has f***ed his own future. That is the limit of his power right now. He is fifteen. He will do as he is told. We can see here that he has the decision-making skills of the average parakeet. Feel free to tell him that. He does not even know if its his child. Insist on that.   Update #3: June 3, 2025 (four days later from Update #2 in the original post) Editor's note: edited out the bottom 2/3 of the updated post as it is a rehash of the original post Someone suggested I repost the update because they didn't see it until now, so I am. UPDATE AGAIN JUNE 3RD: Ollie's friend was able to see her Instagram through a old account (different email? I don't use Instagram enough to know what that means but it meant they weren't blocked when they reactivated).** They found the "pregnancy announcement post" and if you scrolled across it showed a digital copy of the scan Bree sent us as a 16 week scan - apparently the first scan she had at the OB. That is DATED 04/04 and clearly says GA 19+3 weeks, making an August due date I believe or very early September. This would not line up with the due date given to us but does line up with when her parents told me she was pregnant mid April, they told us "We've had the pregnancy confirmed" and sent a photo of the printed pic which the date isn't on there - I actually think it may of been cut off the top! I haven't told Ollie this yet because I want to be sure. I am very concerned about his mental health at the moment and taking that into considerate. But unless she gave the wrong period dates and the baby measured only 16 weeks then its not possible for it to be our sons. Also added information, her due date from what we know if September 22nd. She was here from December 20th to Jan 7th and saw Ollie December 21st and 22nd and January 4th and 5th. Never overnight. I asked Ollie when did this "happen" and he said January 4th was the only time which makes more sense as they were in public gathering otherwise (they were at a mutual friend's birthday that night but never stayed overnight). I have had 5 kids and I know the dates are too close to figure it out that way. *Ollie also said that the "joke" Bree made was to just see "if it happens" - The pregnancy because then it's obviously meant to be and he would be able to move. Too me it sounds like she had the plan a lot longer but I may be bias here. Relevant / Top Comments Is OOP cutting her son's communications off with Bree? OOP: Sorry if it sounds childish. I'm only updating because I have no one to ask or talk too, I dont want to reach out to other parents I know or FB without knowing its actually my son's child first and to be honest I am embarrassed. I threatened to cut off Ollie's contact to Bree ONLY because her parents were encouraging his attitude towards us at home. Commenter 1: So what you're saying is that the most immature people in this situation are Bree's parents? I expect teenagers to make questionable decisions (although generally not to the extent of "get pregnant on purpose so we can force people to move"), but the parents are a whole new level of wtf. OOP: I am wondering if Bree has somehow maybe manipulated the situation there. I couldn't imagine being like this and the family I have met before did not appear this irrational in the past. Commenter 2: Is her social media public or private? If it’s public then sign out and some social media sites you can see without being a member. Then you can track what she posts. Are you even sure she is actually pregnant? Is she showing yet? Has she sent ultrasound photos? She could be lying about being pregnant in the first place. The fact she blocked your son and friends shows it’s probably not his. Hopefully your son realizes how horrible this girl and her really are. OOP: Her parents confirmed she was pregnant. She is not really showing no. She sent a ultrasound photo but its a photo of a photo? I wanted to keep access to her social media to see if she uploaded on that showed more information so I could check dates. I will see if your advice works Commenter 3: Definitely don't budge on the dna test. You never know especially with her seeing the other boy. Commenter 4: Honestly the parents reaction to the whole situation is very odd, especially if you claim they didn’t seem this way in the past. I agree with the sentiment that Bree might be twisting the narrative to her parents, just as she is twisting it online with the whole deadbeat dad posts. I would very much stay firm with the dna test. This might sound bad, but honestly I wouldn’t trust her without proof based on her current actions.   ----NEW UPDATES---- Editor’s note: OOP made a separate update for the June 25th update, but it was removed, later re-installed onto the same post with the first update Update #4: June 15, 2025 (same update post, 12 days later) I spoke to Bree biological father (lives in this town) who had no idea about any of this - before you come for me, there was no known DV or anything. I felt I had run out of options at this point and I just wanted a way to contact them. Bree's mother then made contact, agreed to the blood test if we paid for it, Ollie and Bree spoke again and Bree asked to come here for a "holiday" and have an ultrasound with him to prove dates in person. I agreed to this, but I may not be thinking straight with the stress we have all been under. She says she is 26 weeks, sent him a photo of her belly (which has grown) and told him there is no other option but him to be the father, that the ultrasound had to go by her last period date and she didn't remember so she went by her app and it was the period before. Thats why the dates are out on the scan, I asked if she had a physical booklet of pregnancy notes or something because I know from experience that they have all the confirmed information on them, but she said everything is digital with her doctor and I didn't want to push because it's not my medical info. I'm wondering if I do just fly her out here on my own terms (her mother agreed) and do the blood and ultrasound here and put an end to it all.   Update #5: June 25, 2025 (same update post, 10 days later) We all come to a travel arrangement, we paid for Bree to fly out and her father was paying for the ticket home. Bree was supposed to fly to us this morning and stay for 6 weeks total flying back some time in august (her fathers in charge of that flight) She was staying with us over these next few weeks while we do our annual July 4th family vacation for a week and then a couple more weeks back here at home for the ultrasound / blood test. This was decided together (both families) because Bree and Ollie would like to have some kind of positive experience / memories during the pregnancy and obviously if baby wasn't his Bree would be taken to her fathers, and we would be finished with it all. But she never turned up for her flight. She texted the night before that the Dr did not recommend, she should not travel as she is at risk of preterm labor due to her age and her severe morning sickness makes her only be able to tolerate Pineapple juice, so she is needing to be hospitalized and maybe even deliver early. This is on top of a group photo that included Bree, obviously pregnant in a tight tee. Hugging the boy she was dating in her new town, his hand on her belly. It was quickly removed from her story when Ollie asked, I think it was intentional to make him jealous. I am done. I do not believe her or her parents. I have contacted a lawyer and therapist, I will not be updating again until I know the outcome of the DNA test that I assume will not be done until after the baby is born since I was told today, I cannot force her to have while pregnant. If this baby is Ollies and my grandchild, I am willing to move Bree here and have her live with us. It has no chance and will continue to ruin my son's life from afar. Relevant Comment Commenter: It's very possible the she may go into labor early is due to her real due date!!!!! OOP: This is what I thought too, if the other due date is the real due date, then she would be something like 32 weeks which would mean she would be 38 weeks when she planned to fly back therefore an OB may say they don't recommend it.   Latest Update here: BoRU #3   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/No_Pool_7823 Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest My 15yo idiot kid got his GF pregnant on purpose. Trigger Warnings: teenage pregnancy, manipulation, possible mental health struggles Mood Spoilers: incredibly frustrating Original Post: April 26, 2025 Throwaway for obvious reasons. I 30F have a child who is 15M - we'll call him Ollie plus other children aged 2, 6, 9 and 11. As you can tell by my own age I was teen parent, I was lucky and we married at 18, still married, healthy relationship, worked our away out of a very dire situation (graduated, started a trade etc) and we are comfortable, stable in all ways - this information is relevant. Ollie has been friends with this girl - we'll call her Bree since he was 7 years old. Their family use to live in the same city as us and went to the same school, same friendship group. We know her parents and are long distance friends ourselves (not close friends but say hello when the kids are on video chat, had drinks together before) Bree's family moved to a very small town 3 states away due to rental affordability (no secret) we all have talked about the rising costs of everyday life, the cost of living in this city has risen forcing many locals out. They moved because of that and for better job opportunities 18 months ago. Since then, Ollie has been begging for us to follow. Giving us a sales pitch on cheaper housing, better paying jobs (none of which fit either of our professions), the whole works. We have said no because well - No but even if we wanted too our other children are in school, sports and have friends here. Selling and buying another house, finding work outside of our skill set or having to learn new skills - any normal adult would understand this, he does not. Well fast forward to Christmas Bree's family come back to our city for a holiday and the kids met up multiple times with each other, it was my understand that they were always with the other kids but obviously not since Bree is pregnant and I am certain it was on purpose. He has access to condoms (I don't care for opinions on that, My access was restricted and I had him), He has had sex ed from me, my husband, school. He knows damn well how babies are made and how not to have one. Ollie now wants me to move to be with her and the baby (Its confirmed, I've talked to her parents) and I said No, I don't feel I need a reason but he asked. You're 15. We don't have any proof it your child yet. I'm not moving us away from our lives and you aren't going alone until your 18. We will do a DNA test then we will look at parenting plans and topped it off with a too bad, too sad. You made your bed, now you have to sleep in it. He took that back to Bree and now all communication between me and her parents has been cut, I'm a terrible person. My comments about the DNA test are disgusting and its fueling my sons hate for me. He says I am keeping him from the love of his life and future baby using my own successful relationship as proof it will work out. I actually don't even know if I am right or not. I'm just really upset and feel like my life I worked really hard for has been destroyed. EDITED FOR UPDATE: To answer some question. She is due September around the 22nd. So no there is no option for abortion. I dont think that or adoption ever was. Ollie admitted it was on purpose last night. Apparently, it was Bree's idea first "as a joke" that turned into a plan together. Bree's parents will only pass messages through my son and I have heard this for myself, I stood outside the door and listened to them tell him "Tell you mother "Insert info below" because I know I will just go off on her about that bullshit still". They are talking shit about me with my kid. They are appalled I would think that way of Bree when I have known her for more than half her life and do not wish to talk to me. I will not allow him to move out there alone. There are some past issues such has Bree breaking up with him twice in the last 18 months because she found someone that she liked more her new town (around August and October last year, same boy) and when it ended, she came back to Ollie. Bree is a nice girl but her behavior is toxic and has been since a child. Her mother and stepfather are nice but the relationship is unstable, the house is chaos (nine children combined, blended family and 2/3 teens with serious mental health struggles). He would be leaving stability for chaos and no structure. I want a DNA test, I will not budge on that. I am close to cutting HIS contact totally at this point because they are only empowering him and reenforcing his behavior towards me and his father. His father is a man of few words. Which is unhelpful, so far he's backed everything I have said and only really chosen to say "You have the intelligence of a pear" UPDATE #2 MAY 30TH: Things have gone south even further. At this point Husband and I have been blocked on all social media and numbers blocked but the communication with Ollie has continued. Ollie gave us Bree's parents email address to send a email too but before using that I asked him to video chat Bree with me there and then I could ask Bree to please get her parents so I can talk to them about this and tell her that if they were going to continue to refuse then I would be blocking all contact to Ollie and communication until this is resolved - I told Ollie this before the call, at first he flipped out about it but it was this or I cut communication completely. I do think he understood that it is not okay that her parents are speaking to me through minors and he said himself he would like us to talk to each other. Bree joined the call and hung up when she saw I too was there. Ollie called back a few times and she didn't answer. She asked via text why I wanted to talk to her and Ollie told her that I wanted to speak to her mother and if we didn't resolve the communication issue then all contact would be ended until her parents made contact with us and we make a plan for the next few months (including DNA) and then birth arrangements, said that if the baby is his we will travel there for the birth and first few weeks after - he told her that I personally think it probably is his baby but I want to be sure and make sure everything is done right from the start. Well Bree blocked him with a reply, and he is totally heartbroken not eating, sitting in his room all day and night, NOT mad at me surprisingly - very, very sorry for him and to us, sad about it all and I think regretful. He even asked me if there was a way to "Undo it" for himself, I haven't talked about signing over rights (a "male abortion" his father called it) because I think he's just upset right now. A mutual friend of Bree and Ollies here in our hometown showed him a few posts she has made in the last 24 hours. Things like "It's you and me against the world baby girl" and memes about Deadbeat dads. She also announced the pregnancy which she hadn't done yet and the post had some single mother facts and quotes. Ollie's friends knew about the situation, and a few were under the impression he had "dumped her and the baby" going by the posts but when he explained that what had happen, they all rallied for him in the comments (I said not too) and now she's blocked them, and we can't see what she has posted. This is just a nightmare. I have of had a plan personally, not set but something I wanted to talk to her parents about, but I don't even want to waste my time at this point. Ollie gave us Bree's parents email address to send a email too with said plan. Basically, Bree does DNA blood test. We will pay the full $1500 for it, if it is his baby we can book flights and plan to be there for the first month, I'll stay too with Ollie, maybe even the whole family and then we can also work on a parenting plan and getting into mediation for a judge to sign off on it - Ollie's father and I spilt for the first 7 months of his life so we have done this before and we know the process. But at this point I think I will just leave it to settle before sending a email. Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: Nobody going to point out both children are manipulative? Obviously the girl was on board and it sure seems like they both kept it under wraps until it couldn’t be aborted. Both children are bad actors here. OOP: This. I think it was planned 100% on both sides and this was CHRISTMAS. She's around 24 weeks I believe and way past abortion. They also never told us until 20 weeks. Her family knew but never contacted me. Commenter 2: Quite the manipulative teen you got there. But by teen logic, his plan makes perfect sense. From any point of view, you can't give in to his plan, though. It would ruin you financially, ruin his relationship with his siblings, and yours with him. I would give him a detailed plan on how you and your partner managed to rise above all the risks of teen pregnancy. Focus on school, plan ahead, make sure 'the village' is on board. And of course, how lucky you both were, that it all worked out, despite having to sacrifice so much. How does he expect you to support his child, without your jobs? But he made the choice to become a parent. So now, he will have to do what you did... focus on school, get stability, make sure to stay in his and her parents good graces, so they can be the village they will desperately need. There is nothing he can do to 'support' his gf physically. And as a jab... he's done enough 'physical support' for a good while to come. He doesn't have a job. No way to provide financially. All he can do is focus on being able to do that as well and as soon as possible... so by the time he's ready to go partying, no. No, he isn't. He's going to bed early to get up for his weekend job, to save up for his kid. Edit to add... I just realized that if this becomes a family tradition, you'll be great great grandparents by the time you turn 60. LOL Commenter 3: He’s 15! You get to make the decisions and you are doing the right thing. No way can you move your whole family because of this. The responsible thing is to do a DNA and set up a parenting plan. He won’t like your decisions but that’s too bad sometimes being a good parenting is making decisions our kids hate us for. This is a result of THEIR bad decisions not yours! Commenter 4: Reality is about to hit that kid like a fucking train Commenter 5: A fifteen year old does not get to dictate terms on uprooting the whole family and ripping his siblings away from the only lives they know. A fifteen year old does not tell his parents what they'll do. Full stop. Junior here can sit down and reflect on how badly he has f***ed his own future. That is the limit of his power right now. He is fifteen. He will do as he is told. We can see here that he has the decision-making skills of the average parakeet. Feel free to tell him that. He does not even know if its his child. Insist on that.   Update: June 3, 2025 (three days later from Update #2 in the original post) Editor's note: edited out the bottom 2/3 of the updated post as it is a rehash of the original post Someone suggested I repost the update because they didn't see it until now, so I am. UPDATE AGAIN JUNE 3RD: Ollie's friend was able to see her Instagram through a old account (different email? I don't use Instagram enough to know what that means but it meant they weren't blocked when they reactivated).** They found the "pregnancy announcement post" and if you scrolled across it showed a digital copy of the scan Bree sent us as a 16 week scan - apparently the first scan she had at the OB. That is DATED 04/04 and clearly says GA 19+3 weeks, making an August due date I believe or very early September. This would not line up with the due date given to us but does line up with when her parents told me she was pregnant mid April, they told us "We've had the pregnancy confirmed" and sent a photo of the printed pic which the date isn't on there - I actually think it may of been cut off the top! I haven't told Ollie this yet because I want to be sure. I am very concerned about his mental health at the moment and taking that into considerate. But unless she gave the wrong period dates and the baby measured only 16 weeks then its not possible for it to be our sons. Also added information, her due date from what we know if September 22nd. She was here from December 20th to Jan 7th and saw Ollie December 21st and 22nd and January 4th and 5th. Never overnight. I asked Ollie when did this "happen" and he said January 4th was the only time which makes more sense as they were in public gathering otherwise (they were at a mutual friend's birthday that night but never stayed overnight). I have had 5 kids and I know the dates are too close to figure it out that way. *Ollie also said that the "joke" Bree made was to just see "if it happens" - The pregnancy because then it's obviously meant to be and he would be able to move. Too me it sounds like she had the plan a lot longer but I may be bias here. Relevant / Top Comments Is OOP cutting her son's communications off with Bree? OOP: Sorry if it sounds childish. I'm only updating because I have no one to ask or talk too, I dont want to reach out to other parents I know or FB without knowing its actually my son's child first and to be honest I am embarrassed. I threatened to cut off Ollie's contact to Bree ONLY because her parents were encouraging his attitude towards us at home. Commenter 1: So what you're saying is that the most immature people in this situation are Bree's parents? I expect teenagers to make questionable decisions (although generally not to the extent of "get pregnant on purpose so we can force people to move"), but the parents are a whole new level of wtf. OOP: I am wondering if Bree has somehow maybe manipulated the situation there. I couldn't imagine being like this and the family I have met before did not appear this irrational in the past. Commenter 2: Is her social media public or private? If it’s public then sign out and some social media sites you can see without being a member. Then you can track what she posts. Are you even sure she is actually pregnant? Is she showing yet? Has she sent ultrasound photos? She could be lying about being pregnant in the first place. The fact she blocked your son and friends shows it’s probably not his. Hopefully your son realizes how horrible this girl and her really are. OOP: Her parents confirmed she was pregnant. She is not really showing no. She sent a ultrasound photo but its a photo of a photo? I wanted to keep access to her social media to see if she uploaded on that showed more information so I could check dates. I will see if your advice works Commenter 3: Definitely don't budge on the dna test. You never know especially with her seeing the other boy. Commenter 4: Honestly the parents reaction to the whole situation is very odd, especially if you claim they didn’t seem this way in the past. I agree with the sentiment that Bree might be twisting the narrative to her parents, just as she is twisting it online with the whole deadbeat dad posts. I would very much stay firm with the dna test. This might sound bad, but honestly I wouldn’t trust her without proof based on her current actions.   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]