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Celeste is amazing, but...
Look, I love her, I voted for her all the time, and she is amazingly designed, so faboulous, so extra with her dash poses, just supeb. My only issue with her design is her face, or eyes, especially. When you compare her model to her voting sticker, or even current render to the previous one, her eyes are much smaller, narrower and weirdly colourless now. I mean, she's unicorn, for Archmother's sake, she should have wide eyes of mare, or like a fawn, deep, filled with wonder and reflecting stars and rainbow. Instead, she looks like she's gonna sell her bathwater soon and will make ahegao on killing spree, and this E-girl look on her pisses me off so much. That's it, rant over, love y'all, see ya in streets of The Cursed Apple. submitted by /u/VanikCZ to r/DeadlockTheGame [link] [comments]
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reddit.com |
VanikCZ |
Feb 11, 2026 |
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The final toccata of... *HANS*
First off for some context, i have posted stories about HANS before in different subreddits. Like this one or this other one... as you can see, while hans is very powerful, he is usually very chill. BUT these scenarios are nothing in comparison to the madness and cruelty that happened a week ago... (I’m on mobile, so sorry if this is hard to read.) Two weeks ago it was a good day. Me and some friends were in hans’s house to play some smash ultimate for his birthday. We were excited to see hans once again for sum good gaming day... and there he is, in all of his glory. A muscle mountain of titanic proportions. With arms as thick as trees and as powerful as Mr. sandman... but white. He is Hans. (All right, enough with this praise) and here we are, a bunch of 20 year olds, playing in a couch, 2 feet apart cuz’ they are not gay. An hour passes, i’m defeating everyone with king dedede, when suddenly... he enters. Frank. You might be wondering, who is frank? Well, as far as i’m aware, he... was one of hans’s neighbors and he was invited to the party to meet all of us. Apparently, he had just moved in the neighborhood about a month ago and hans only invited him into his party because, in his own words, he “wanted to start with the right foot”. Frank looked pale, skinny as a toothpick, and had a high-pitched, squeaky voice. He looked... like he felt superior? I dunno. He presented himself and... i said “ok”, and he started playing with us. 5 minutes passed and we all realized we didn’t like him. Why? Dunno, maybe because he wanted to play Mario party instead of smash bros... or because when we said no he started talking hot shit of himself while playing even though he was playing for the first time... or maybe because he was an absolutely sore loser. So we decided to make a little test. We put 1v1 arena. Everybody else “excused” themselves for some grub except for hans, me, and somebody else we’ll call C. We said something like “all right, C challenges you to a 1v1. Do you agree?” And he said “yes, i accept your challenge”. (If you don’t understand what is going on, C is grabbing the controller, looking like he is playing, while F (frank) fights C, but C is going to go easy on him... on purpose. this sounds stupid, but c probably didn’t even know what a console was, and we wanted to teach him... to play.) Here is the thing tho. what happens is that F is using incineroar, who happens to be able to kill himself by accident. We told him what he wanted to know and the battle began... F killed himself thrice. How so you may ask yourself? Apparently, each time c was sent flying out of the platform... F tried to hit him with the up-b... while facing the blast zone... at the cliff... thrice. He started screaming, saying that C was “cheating” and didn’t deserve his respect. After that, he smashed the controller on the floor, rendering it useless... HANS’S controller. after that, he ran back to his house, while screaming and causing a scene. Hans had that face... the face of a soda can that has been shaken to oblivion and is about to fucking explode. But, for some reason, hans actually managed to hold himself back... he said that there was no point to get angry by your own mistakes. Indeed, old friend. Indeed. We... enjoyed the rest of the evening with some movies, and we were calm... until the cops came. They were told that there was a rape-murder in his house. Who told them that? Frank. Motherfucking frank. Hans remained calm but... down below, in between the shadows... we all knew what was going to happen. 3 days later, hans called me and C to go to his house at 10 pm for a sleepover... ok. A sleepover. I remained oblivious to the reason but... i knew. I just knew something was about to go down. We got there, and hans was waiting for me. C was already inside and they... gave me a mask and latex gloves... then... my subconscious shined, and i fully realized what was going on. Hans said: “all right, dude, we are going to go on and make F pay for that controller. You in?” That is like asking a dragon to rape the princess. Hell yes i’m going to do it. And he nodded in approval. Here’s the plan: 2 bags of 3 meat burritos each with extra frijoles and chili, consumed by hans at 6:00 pm. Hans was ready to blast a sewer by 11:00 pm. Not his sewer, no, no... FRANK’S sewer. The idea is to infiltrate franks house and blast his bathroom with the might of an angry Mexican behind. Now, this is the best part, frank was out of his house to get something from another town. A.K.A. He isn’t going back on a few days, and as such, we had a lot of time. Especially since frank lived merely 5 houses down the street. Although, we really overdid it on this plan of ours. 10:45 pm. That was the time we infiltrated his house. We opened the window (it was surprisingly easy to move) and entered the kitchen. We looked around, and we found out that frank’s fridge was filled with... vegan food and chia water bottles. Frank was vegan. (That actually explains his paleness) this didn’t matter to us, until hans had a majestic idea. He told C to pull all the food out of the fridge. Vegan food minus fridge = mold. Nice. While c was pulling out the food, hans and i went to the living room. Frank had a chair and an old tv. I did nothing but grab one of the bottles of water from the fridge, open it, and quickly put it on top of the tv. Upside down. (The tv was basically fucked if you took off the bottle) and we went to the second floor. nothing really special up there. Normal hallway, normal stuff. There were 3 doors. One to the bedroom, one to the bathroom, and... the third one was something special. The door literally read “man-cave” and it was locked, but a strange smell came out of it. (Like stale biscuits) so the purpose of that room was obviously, fapping. Hans entered the bathroom to do the deed. I entered the bedroom while C was coming upstairs. The bedroom seemed normal for a vegan. An lgbt poster, clothes hanging besides the wall and the bed and a collection of anime figures. It reminded me of my brother’s room, but more big gay. C, being the friend he is, he decided to... do something unexpected. He pulled out the big guns. Summoned the demon of hell and...! put all of the vegan not-meat in the room. It was going to rot and cause a mess. He opened the window too for the flies to enter the house. We then decided to get out of the room and enter the...man-cave. I kicked the door open only to realize that... i shouldn’t have done that. For the smell of biscuits became the smell of fresh fish at the pier. (Which, used under this one context, was not good for my nostrils) We covered our noses with our own t-shirts and entered the room. It was painted dead black, in the middle of the night and with no windows, we had to use our cellphones to even SEE something in there. We could barely see some boxes of tissues, hentai and a computer. We decided that we should leave this room alone because two cellphones weren’t enough light and we won’t risk turning on the lightbulb. An hour had passed and it was 12:00 pm. Hans had been in the bathroom for an hour and we spread all of the vegan food all around the house. (Our neighborhood has some of the worst cops now that i think about it, they usually wander the neighborhood to check stuff and have passed a couple times already.) hans got out of the bathroom and left the door open, unleashing a smell of eldritch proportions. and we told him to check the man-cave with us. We all went there with hans’s iPad and we saw... that stuff we saw before, a dragon head dildo, some more furry and hentai comics, some lube, the computer with a bunch of ahegao stickers a... cat fursuit (4chan teaches you a lot once you are in there for a while), and a puddle of.., slimy stuff in the middle of the room. We turned on the computer and we saw many porn files. Describing what ELSE was in there would take a story on it’s own but... we were not pleased. Hans was not pleased. so he did what a rational man would do after seeing such abomination and threw the computer into the “slime” puddle. along with some hentai comics. We then got out of there. Unscathed. The house was left like this. And we all went to take a shower and sleep. 4 days later, frank returned... hans told all of us that his house received multiple smell complaints and the police were there to check the house. Frank was arrested yesterday because there was loli porn in his room apparently. At least he suffered a whole week with the rottenness of his own errors. It was glorious and i don’t regret it. submitted by /u/ultimate-burrito to r/NuclearRevenge [link] [comments]
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reddit.com |
ultimate-burrito |
Mar 16, 2019 |