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First (My head’s emptier than Eddie’s, you’ll know who I’m talking about soon.) Cats, Cops and C4 The discussion about the potential makers of the weapon is interrupted as the door opens and an Alfar man quickly scans the room. “Bernice? You and your team have stumbled into one of my investigations.” “Oh?” Bernice asks and his passed a thick folder. “The Aethar Ones.” She flips it open and starts scanning it. “Group of would be Adepts, too rich in credits, too poor in sense. Commissioned all sorts of pieces and never finished everything before the group ran out of capital and disbanded as it was just a weekend passion project style thing.” “The unusual opening and closing methodology and very expensive abandoned artifacts reeks of their MO. Unfortunately the organization was pulled apart after it burnt through an immense capital in seemingly no time at all. You can actually trace it back on the financial market some eight decades ago.” The Alfar explains “Are you claiming that the Carlim Crash was part of this investigation?” Bernice asks. “I’m saying that this is one of the biggest holes where that idiot and their associates shovelled the money into.” “The What?” Debra asks. “What’s the Carlim Crash?” “Carfrim Co and Lim Muliplanitary were two of the largest banking corporations roughly a century ago. Then they started hemorrhaging money at an absurd rate. Then there were several ‘special interest’ groups that delayed, blocked or outright stole the bailout money when they started going belly up and it kept going long enough for a massive market crash. Some CEO’s and stockbrokers were found floating in the vacuum of space or splattered against spires dozens of levels below it was so bad.” “Damn.” “A fair amount of modern taxes actually go to paying back that financial crash. We’re predicted to still be paying it back for another fifty years at least.” “Damn, well that explains where the money came on. If Fibrerise stumbled into an old storehouse for a conspiracy that was all about stupid amounts of cash then of course she’d find something good.” “Maybe so, but it still doesn’t answer where the actual hell the things in there came from. We now know why they were there, but where were they before they were there. And of course that’s under the assumption that she found them and didn’t produce them somehow. There are a lot of retention bands and...” Bernice begins to catagorize and the Alfar starts to duck out. “Leaving already?” “Just here to deliver a copy of my notes. You need them, but I’m not done with my own investigations. Especailly as a couple of Inevitable Crewmembers stumbled on it.” “Oh... that’s...” “And to make matters worse, it’s one of the soldiers who’s going to be staying. Apparently he’s just protecting the ship until it’s back in Cruel Space, then he’s staying on this side.” “Sorry, what’s he done?” “He stumbled into a conspiracy that was using leftover tools from the Carlim Crash. My team and I are basically set to dig out and make use of abandoned or lost resources of failed conspiracies. The Aether Ones is a gold mine of it. But the bunch HE found is in the hands of a small time gang that decided they can take a human. Unfortunately Sergeant Teach appears to be immune to pain and tough on a scale that other humans are baffled.” “Sergeant Teach? Wait, do you mean... •-•-•Scene Change•-•-• (Outskirts, Dorang Community, Level 177 Galatroth Spire, Centris)•-•-• Baked opens his eyes after the debris slams into his face and he wipes the bits of now embedded dirt in his face and off his eyelids. He had managed to dodge it getting into his eyes. “So you lied to me.” “What?” The local girl demands as she uses him for cover like how he’s using a car’s engine for cover in his own right. “You said this place was quiet.” Baked notes as something rolls under the aircar and bumps into his boots. He grabs it and throws it back. It detonates just a couple meters away and nowhere near the crazy women attacking. “It’s not.” “That’s what you’re focused on!?” She demands and he shrugs as he looks over the hood and then shrugs. “It’s not like this is dangerous. Just annoying.” “You’re bleeding!” “Am I? I was wondering why I felt a little wet. I thought it was sweat.” He notes as he braces himself and then starts pulling on Axiom. “Okay so this is how you do this... and...” His hands plant into the side of the aircar and he charges across the street. Plasma bolts and lasers burn into the side of the vehicle as grenades bounce behind him as he pushes it too fast for the explosions to catch him. There are screams and he suddenly veers to the side to catch some of his attacks and slams the car into them and them into the wall. They go silent and he moves to the side. Vaguely dodging a laser that burns along his ribs. There is the smell of cooking meat and the sharp tang of blood as his hand wraps around the pistol of the last standing attacker. It crunches in his hand and the shards pierce his skin. He barely notices. The attacker screams as her bones crack under the unrelenting, unfeeling force and he tosses her down and she staggers away as he lets go and then shakes off his hand. He pulls out a few shards from his palm and then keeps moving forward as the gangster tries to back away. He grabs her by the ankle and then walks back to the car he used as a battering ram. A heft of his arm and she slams into the top of the vehicle and his bloody, bleeding hand pins her down and then he stops. Takes a breath and seems to take a few moments to gather his thoughts. “So... is there a reason why you did all this?” “Who are you!?” “Eddie Teach. Pops named me after a pirate.” “What?” “Hey, I answered your first question. Answer mine. Why did you do all this?” He rebuffs wagging a finger in her face. “You’re just... just asking her like. Like...” The girl who had asked for his help asks as she looks around the devastated street. She had run out and away from the gang begging for help and then a man seemingly made of steel cable and with trytite nerves had asked what the problem was. The gang had caught up and demanded he give her to them or they’d take them both, and the more they demanded the more he refused and now... she wasn’t even sure how many of them were alive. Some were moaning, others... weren’t. He rolls his shoulders and there is a clicking sound before he coughs a little. “So... you going to answer a question?” The gangster is just staring at him in horror. “What was that noise?” “Ribs. Don’t worry about it.” Baked replies. “What?” She asks and he rolls his shoulders again and there is a popping sound. “Their punchy girl broke some ribs. I’m okay.” Baked assures her and she stares. “Now as for you miss gangster. What is going on?” “She broke your ribs and you still did all that?” “Why would it stop me?” He asks. “What are you?” “Answer the question. What’s going on?” He asks. “Why are you still so calm!” “What is going on?” He asks again. “No I...” She begins to say and he hefts her up and slams her back down. “Still not...” He slams her again. “Won’t.” Slam. “No.” Slam. “Stop.” Slam. “Please!” Slam. “Just st-” Slam. “Please stop!” Slam. “Why are they getting-” Slam. “No!” Slam. “Quit-” Slam. “Stop!” Slam. “STOP!” Slam. “Please!” Slam. “Okay!” Baked just looks clean at her and slowly raises one eyebrow. “What is the matter with you!?” Slam. “I said I’ll talk!” “Then answer the question.” “What question?!” Slam. “Just ask!” “What is going on?” He asks plainly and evenly. As if he hadn’t just beaten cooperation into someone. “She owes us money! Her sister took out a loan and when she couldn’t pay we took her out and it passed to her.” “And now?” “What?” “Say I vanish in a puff of smoke. What happens after?” He asks. “Well I suppose we just go away and...” She starts to say then is cut off as he puts his weight on her bruised body and forces the air out of her lungs with his forearm. “I don’t like being lied to.” He says before leaning back and letting her breathe again. “I wasn’t lying!” She protests and he leans onto her again, aggravating the bruises and forcing the air out of her lungs. “I don’t believe you.” He says simply then waits a few moments. Then leans away. “Why did you...” “I count up by three for every lie I hear.” He says and there is a growing look of horror on her face. “Now. What will happen if I leave right now?” She pants as she tries to find a way out of the situation before her eyes flicker and she then nods. “Okay, what’s happening is...” She starts to say when he draws a pistol with his free hand and turns so he can see behind himself while keeping her pinned. He looks directly at a gangster with a laser rifle and takes only a moment before firing. She fires by reflex and he ducks a little but the smell of blood and burnt hair lets everyone know that he’s been hit. But the screaming from the gangster lets him know that she’s been hit. “Are you sure you don’t want help?” Private Stream asks from nearby. “I’m fine.” “You are categorically not fine.” Private Stream notes. “Just go, I’m okay.” “... I’m starting to think you failed a cognition test or something.” Private Stream notes. “They know I don’t care about pain.” Baked replies. “Yeah but... this is scary. You’re bleeding, you’re burnt and beaten and you barely seem to notice.” Private Stream says and baked shrugs. “Look, if it makes you feel better, you can help.” He says and Private Stream just stares at him. “Okay, reinforcements are a go. I can’t believe you refused them the first time.” “What about the tenth?” Baked asks. “Surreal.” Private Stream says. “I mean, I know humans are crazy. But I didn’t realize by how much.” “Nah man, we’re chill. It’s just no one else likes that vibe.” “You are not the calm one in this situation.” “Sure I am.” “No, you’re not.” “But I’m perfectly calm.” “And that is terrifying.” “I didn’t mean to scare you little buddy.” Baked says gently patting the top of Private Stream’s hat with the back of his hand. “Uh... maybe I can take the prisoner?” Private Stream asks. “Why? I got her good.” “Please take me in. This man terrifies me.” The Gangster says. “Hey now, no one said you had a say in this. Pipe down will ya?” Baked’s voice has not changed from the dreamlike tone once. “Yes, yes I’ll be taking her into custody. What about her?” Private Stream confirms then gestures to the girl Baked had been protecting. “Oh she’s fine I think. You’re fine right? Not hurt or anything?” Baked asks as he picks up the gangster and then forces her to kneel in front of Private Stream, all with one hand. “I’d like to get to safety though.” “Okay that works.” “And we need to get you to the hospital.” She says and Baked tilts his head. “What, why? I’m not hurt.” “Dude.” Private Stream exclaims in a heavy voice. “What?” Baked asks seemingly oblivious to the fact he’s covered in blood, bleeding and looks like he just survived a week of heavy trench warfare. “You look like the after image for the target in a commercial for weapons.” “Oh. Well that’s not good. You think these clothes are too dirty?” “That is not the issue.” “Oh. Okay. What is?” “Are you braindead?” “No. Brain’s working fine.” “I highly doubt that.” “Hey now, no need to be rude dude. We’re on the same side! I’m fully joined up for The Undaunted and everything!” “Horrifying.” Private Stream says. “What? Why?” •-•-•Scene Change•-•-• (West Wing, Undaunted Holding Cells, Undaunted Territory, Centris)•-•-• Erin just stares at her and Layla says nothing. But there’s a limit of time so if she doesn’t start talking in the next minute Layla’s going to have to start. Which is hard as she has no idea what to say. “So...” Erin begins. “So.” Layla says in reply. “Why there of all places? You know we hate it.” “I wanted a space of my own more than I wanted to be away from it. After a while I learned to love it.” “What’s to love? It was basically prison as a teenager and one that they told us we were stupid in even when we were following all their rules.” “And it turns out that following those rules is a lot less hassle than the fallout for not following those rules.” “That doesn’t make it better.” Erin says and Layla shrugs. “What do you want from me?” “Was it you that set the bombs?” Layla asks. “Why?” “Just answer the question.” “No. I was the lookout when they were setup. But I never set up any bombs.” “Then did you know that one was right were I worked? Meant for me.” Layla says and Erin takes a moment to react. “No. I didn’t.” “I’ve gotten good at spotting liars.” “Congratulations.” “So did you want me dead, or just not care if I lived or died?” “Does it matter?” “Yes. Yes it does.” First Last Next submitted by /u/KyleKKent to r/HFY [link] [comments]

“Ugh. Just look at this place. Bad enough mother chose to run off with her tail between her legs rather than accept the inevitable, she couldn’t even do me the decency of cleaning up a bit first.” Countess Brien of House Brienhell did her level best to ignore the ongoing commentary of her ‘charge’ as they strode through the shattered corridors of the Royal Palace of Lindholm at the woman-child’s request. Although privately, she couldn’t help but agree on some level. The place was a mess. Half of it was practically open to the elements where the walls and ceilings had fallen in – while the other half had all but sank into the earth. Still, according to the engineers they’d brought with them, what remained was still more or less structurally sound. Which was unfortunate, because otherwise they might have been able to avoid indulging their ‘queen to be’s’ latest whim. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case, and as such they were on the way to visit the royal throne room – where the royal throne still sat. Which was darkly amusing in a way. The former queen had been so quick to flee the metaphorical seat of her power in face of the North’s power that she’d left the literal seat behind. …Or perhaps she was too busy tinkering with… whatever the fuck took down the Orc’s Bane and the Steely Will to care about an old chair? She thought. “So, do you think it was sabotage or some kind of super weapon?” her opposite number from New Haven asked quietly enough so as not to be overheard. Calla Ironsleet was… tolerable. For an elf. Of course, it helped that the pair of them had a common enemy in the form of the Princess. As for the question, it was one Brien had heard more than a few times over the past week. “Sabotage. It had to be,” she responded. “That ship was filled with something and the Queen detonated it in order to cover her retreat.” “Perhaps,” the elf allowed. “I just can’t see it. Even for Yelena – to destroy one of her own ships just to strike at us?” Brien resisted the urge to snort in derision. That was the problem with elves. Or at least individual ones. They lacked imagination. “Once upon a time the idea of fighting over open water was considered unthinkable. Now there’s talk of ships that sail underwater.” She shrugged. “And besides? What’s the alternative? That Yelena had some kind of super-weapon that outranges any aether-cannon and she chose to unveil it by destroying one defecting ship?” “Spell-bolts.” Brien rolled her eyes. A technique developed by Tala Blackstone’s traitorous fiancé. Though just about everyone who heard the tale of the farcical duel knew it was really the Queen who developed it and gave it to the young strumpet in an attempt to humiliate their liege lady’s heir. And probably fucked him as payment for good measure, she thought. Still, from the hands of their enemy or not, the North hadn’t hesitated to make use of the new technique for their mage-knights – and some of their ships as well. Brien looked at her companion. “Ok, even if they managed to extend the range of some kind of projectile, you’re suggesting that they had some kind of weapon that could smite three ships out of the air. You saw the size of that explosion.” Calla shuddered a little. “Like an entire household’s enchanting stockpile going up at once.” Yeah, that sounded about right. Truth be told, some part of her still thought that was what happened – and that the Queen had just found some way to mask the magical signature aboard the ship. “Still,” Calla continued. “Some kind of super-enchantment on a cannonball is not outside the realm of possibility. The Lindholm line is Imperial…” Which meant that theoretically, the line could have been layering explosive enchantments on a single object for hundreds of years. Since before the founding of Lindholm. Multiple generations of mages working beneath the Royal Palace. It was the sort of thing you heard rumors about from time to time, but only ever as an errant what if. The potency of each enchantment grew less effective the more you layered them, so while what Calla was talking about was possible, it was grossly inefficient. You’d be better served simply layering two or three enchantments on a single cannonball and stockpiling as many of those as you could. As just about every house already did. Though we in the North never have the opportunity to stockpile as much as we might like before the Orcs decided to make an issue of themselves once more, she thought. Indeed, last she’d heard, Duchess Blackstone was in arguments with that of New Haven over their next move. Elanor wanted to fortify the capital while sending some of the fleet back to siege out the loyalist forts and keeps they’d flown over while driving South. In doing so, she could seize their enchanted cannonball stockpiles. The Duchess of House New Haven wanted to pursue the Royal Navy all the way south and force them and the southern duchies into a pitched battle. Though we might as well send letters to the Lunites and Solites saying ‘please invade us now’ if we go that route, she thought. “Ok,” Brien grunted. “Assuming they have some kind of super cannonball they’ve been enchanting since before the fall of the Imperium – you really think they’d waste it on a single defecting ship? And not say, one of our flagships?” The elf coloured slightly. “It would explain why they retreated immediately afterwards. They only had the one shot.” She coughed, before continuing. “But it’s also possible the Queen used some other weapon we aren’t aware of. You’ve heard the tales I’m sure?” “Aetherless-shards. Fire rockets. And some kind of weapon that allowed for a shard to take down an entire airship singlehanded. As much as we want to deny those things exist, our own… princess has confirmed they exist.” The pair glanced forward toward where the inebriated woman nearly tripped over a fallen flagstone, only avoiding planting her face into the floor by the timely assistance of one of Calla’s other knights. “…As did a number of other witnesses we’ve interrogated since reaching the capital,” she sighed. “I guess,” Brien allowed reluctantly. “And then there’s the Kraken Slayer,” the elf continued. “Perhaps that was what caused the explosion. It was launched via the aid of some kind of spell-cannon?” “Or the ship was filled with whatever the Kraken Slayer is to begin with,” Brien shot back. “Because if it was as potent as you’re describing, we’d all already likely be dead.” Three ships from beyond aether-cannon range? Forget using it to kill krakens and raid their nests for cores, you’d be better served heading over to the continent and blowing up a few Solite or Lunite ships. Then you could pry the cores out of their smoking hulks – and there’d be sweet fuck all anyone could do to stop you. “Perhaps. Perhaps not. Maybe there are conditions of its use we’re unfamiliar with. Either way, I believe it’s an explosive,” the woman insisted. “Because I’m pretty sure it’s also responsible for the issues our people have been having ‘settling in’.” This time it was Brien’s turn to shudder. The ‘bombing’ campaign they’d been suffering from pretty much the moment they started garrisoning the city had been… rough. Barracks. Armouries. Hangars. To hear people talk about that first day in the city, a mage or a pleb would open a drawer or sit on a chair – and then be randomly blown to bits. Or set alight. Orders had naturally gone out to find the cause. But it wasn’t easy. Mostly because the explosions and fires left little evidence of what caused them just by the nature of how they operated. Void, they’d initially thought the deaths were being caused by loyalists who’d stayed behind rather than traps. By the time they’d realized what they were dealing with ‘invisible traps’ – all of the obvious locations to search for them had already gone off. The only ones that remained seemed to have been placed with little in the way of rhyme or reason. Which meant they were near impossible to find – until they went off. Last I heard some poor bitch was burned to death visiting an outhouse near the academy this morning, she thought. Not even a mage-knight – just a random sailor. “Perhaps,” she allowed. “Though if that is the case, we’ll find out soon enough. They managed to find one of the traps before it went off the other day.” Under a box of mouldy potatoes. “I heard,” Calla said quietly. “Unfortunately, I also heard that we lost two alchemists – one from each of our houses - when the pair attempted to open the device to inspect the insides.” She hadn’t heard that. “Really? Shit.” “Shit indeed,” the elf allowed. “Either way, much like whatever destroyed those three ships, those traps are invisible to our magical senses.” Their argument came to a pause as their charge finally reached a large set of double doors. “Well, get on with it?” Solanna grunted. Resisting the urge to respond, Brien gestured for one of her five knights to open the doors for the woman. Typical Southerner, she thought as Calla did likewise, sending forward one of her own people. Soon enough the doors to the throne room were open and the spoiled princess strode in. She moved toward the throne with the imperious stride of someone who had never once doubted her right to sit there. “Ugh, look at this place,” the woman sighed. “Did none of you think to try to clean up before bringing me here?” Bring her here? The woman had randomly woken up this morning and decided she wanted to get to the throne room. And clean up? Brien glanced around. The once austere room was practically a ruin. They’d not thought to ‘clean up’ because any cleaning they might have thought to do would likely be undone when the wind blew in again through the hole in the wall. Or birds chose to shit through the one in the ceiling. Or it next rained. “Apologies princess,” Cala responded. “Your request to visit your throne caught us most off guard. Given the state of the city after the pirate attack and your mother’s flight, our priorities have mostly been on restoring functionality to the skydocks.” Or any number of other vital pieces of infrastructure. The palace had barely been an afterthought. “Well how am I expected to rule my new nation from a ruin? I can hardly have my coronation here with the palace in such a state can I? Why hasn’t the reconstruction started already!?” Solanna hissed as she finished rubbing her hand over the amrest of the throne. Which Brien might have been worried about given the ongoing bombing campaign they’d suffered, but she’d had the throne room checked out days ago for traps. Magical and conventional. She’d even had one of the ‘free orcs’ – some noble’s old maid - that had been prepped for sending back up North sit in the throne to ensure that it didn’t trigger anything. Nothing happened. Naturally, they’d disposed of the fat old greenskin afterward to keep it secret that one of their ilk had defiled the throne, but it seemed that no matter what depths Yelena might have sunk to, she’d hesitated at destroying her own literal seat of power. Which was fortunate, because it would only give further legitimacy to her moronic replacement. “There are other venues available my princess, the academy for example has been spared much-” Brien started to say. “No!” The woman hissed. “It will be here! This is the palace. I am to be Queen. I will be coronated on this chair!” Her bit said, she sat down. Something clicked. And then she exploded. One moment the woman was there, the next Brien found herself ass-down on the stone tiles, ears ringing, and bits of princess dribbling down her chest plate. And the throne was gone. Simply gone. A small smoking crater occupied the space where it had stood, the stone beneath cracked in radiating spokes. Glancing over, she saw that Calla was in a similar position as herself – bowled over and covered in… Solana. As were the many knights that had been here specifically to protect the woman. “W-we checked it!” One of them hissed. “Someone sat in it!” Brien’s mouth opened. Then closed. Finally, she spoke. “Shit.” From her right, her opposite number echoed her words. “Yes. Shit.” Absently, Brien reached up to wipe… a little ear off her shoulder. “How the fuck are we going to explain this?!” “I…I really don’t know,” Clera said slowly – the dark elf paler than the human had ever seen her before. “I really don’t.” …They’d checked the chair! ---------------------- Marcille was a little amused as William went from fae-may-care firebrand to the young man he actually was as he watched their family approach. It was actually rather endearing, to see that he could actually be discomfited about something. Though he needn’t be. Papa wasn’t scary. And neither were their aunties. She placed a small comforting hand on his shoulder – as did Clarice – before stepping forward to intercept their family. Father’s green eyes, so much like their own, flashed with joy as he swept both her and Clarice up in a fierce hug. Marcille let herself sink into it for a heartbeat, the familiar weight of family easing something tight in her chest. Looking over Papa’s shoulder, she favoured aunties Yurine and Uriel with a smile. Eventually though, the hug unclenched and the trio of older Whitemore’s turned toward William. “Lord Ashfield,” Father said, voice warm but appraising as he offered a hand. “Or should I say Count Redwater? You’ve certainly caused quite a stir down South, young man.” William clasped the offered hand firmly. “All good stir, I hope, Lord Whitemorrow.” Aunt Uriel laughed. “That rather depends who you ask. It’s not every day one hears about a young man taking on a team of third years all in an attempt to wriggle out of an unwanted engagement.” “Ah, that. Well, I can’t say I regret it. And I also feel rather vindicated in my actions now that the Blackstones have revealed themselves as the blackhearted traitors they are. Besides…” He glanced at the twins, smiling warmly in a way that made Marcille’s stomach do an odd little flip. “If I hadn’t done as I did, I’d never have met Clarice and Marcille.” Both twins blushed in perfect unison - something they’d never quite managed to grow out of. Would that he was always this smooth, she thought. Alas, their relationship tended to be more… workmanlike than anything romantic. And that was fine – even if sometimes she might wish for more. Still, she was glad he was clearly putting in the effort to impress their parents and make this work. “Well, the fact that the two of them are now set to inherit a rather large duchy probably helps sweeten the deal too, eh?” Father joked innocently. Because as nobles there would always be some truth to that, but one didn’t generally come out and say it – in public. So it was an entirely innocent jest. And Marcille really wished he hadn’t made it as William’s face split into a smile she was coming to grow all too familiar with. Marline had warned her about it – and she saw the young dark elf tensing slightly from her inobtrusive position behind William’s shoulder. William could be normal. He could be charming. He could be suave and brilliant. …Right up until he wasn’t. “Entirely correct,” William said, happily unconcerned about the sudden stillness that spilled over the Whitemorrow party. “That’s precisely why I wanted to speak with you all so soon. You see, I have plans for the Summerfield duchy. Serious plans. Industrialisation on a scale Lindholm has never seen. Steel production. Fuel refineries – that’s the stuff that makes my aetherless-shards run. And workshops that should hopefully be able churn out my Corsairs by the dozen before the end of the year.” He beamed up at aunt Uriel, having clearly identified her as the ‘highest ranking’ member of the group. “And I’m telling you all this now, straight out, because I don’t want anyone getting in my way when it comes time to, well, pay up. Because anyone I side with is going to win this upcoming succession. The Jellyfish and my Corsairs will make any battle between the claimants a foregone conclusion – especially given the state of the ships I saw coming in.” He nodded. “Of course, I’m afraid that if you decline my generous offer to uplift our new duchy, I’m afraid I’ll be forced to back my sister for similar terms. I assume you’re already aware of her blood relation to the now dearly deceased brother of our now equally dearly deceased duchess?” He gave a small, apologetic shrug. “Of course, I’m sorry if this seems rather forward, but there’s a war to win and I can’t afford to dance around the subject. So I thought I’d just lay it all out now. The twins are already aware, of course.” Marcille and Clarice both sighed in the silence that followed. They’d starting growing used to William’s particular brand of directness - had even come to find it oddly endearing in its own terrifying way - but they’d hoped to ease their family into it over time. Alas, they’d not accounted for William’s ‘drama-king nature’ as Marline liked to put it. Which was why she was at least somewhat thankful as she saw Marline’s boot connect neatly with William’s ankle in a decidedly subtle manner. And the cad actually had the audacity to look surprised, eyes widening for half a second, then recovered with a cough. “Of course, I really do like the twins,” he added hastily, as though the previous thirty seconds hadn’t happened. “They’re both brilliant inventors. Truly. The Basilisk is definitely going to be a paradigm changer in time. Marcille found herself fighting a second sigh, though this one was fonder than the first. She imagined most women might have preferred other brands of compliment – but the truth was that she and Clarice really did take pride in being good inventors. And as far as the basis for an actual relationship? Well, she’d heard of weaker ones for an arranged marriage. That fact didn’t make their father and aunts seem any less poleaxed though. Aunt Uriel recovered first, clearing her throat with exquisite dignity. “Well, that’s good to know. We’ll certainly keep that in mind. With that said, might we borrow our daughters for a moment? It’s been far too long since we spoke face to face. Of course, we’d be delighted to catch up at length with you later and talk your... proposal over at length.” “Of course,” William said, unbothered as ever. “It’s actually long past due I had a private conversation with my own family.” Father managed a smile that only looked slightly strained. “We’d also love to meet them after.” “I’m sure,” William agreed, as he allowed Marline to steer him away with a hand at the small of his back. “It was lovely meeting you all.” “And you young man!” Father responded before turning back to Clarice and Marcille and speaking in a quieter tone. “That’s who you picked!?” “He’s quirky,” Clarice defended instantly, the words leaving her mouth with the speed of long practice. “His pipers are leaking aether.” Aunt Yurine exhaled sharply. “Did he really blow up one of his own airships just to blow up two other airships?” “Yes – but isn’t that the whole point of an airship!? To blow up other airships?” “Not by exploding your own!” her aunt protested, voice rising half an octave. “I don’t know, I think my daughter raises a decent point. One I’d not really thought of before.” Father chuckled. “Tell me, did he really figure out a way to make aether-less shards?” The twins nodded in unison and their father looked delighted, but before he could open his mouth, Aunt Uriel interrupted quietly. “Yes, on that front. There are rumors. Some say he’s… harrowed.” Clarice frowned. “Was he drooling? Or writing on the walls in his own faeces?” “Not all harrowed are the same,” Aunt Yurine pointed out. Marcille stepped in before the conversation could spiral. “Yes, but it’s pretty obvious when they are. He’s quirky. He’s direct. He could probably learn to coach statements a little more gently, but I think it’s pretty obvious he’s not mad.” Yurine frowned. “I… suppose. Though I can’t believe he just talked to us like that.” Marcille shrugged. She wasn’t a fan either, but she also recognized that they needed William more than he needed them. And she knew he didn’t mean anything by it. “Do you actually have an issue with what he said, or are you just balking at how he said it?” “Can I say it's a little of both,” Father admitted slowly – his lust for shard-based technology momentarily put on hold. Marcille pressed on though. “He’s not wrong. I don’t know if you noticed from down here, but we are at war now. We’ve just lost the capital. I’d say if there was a time for any suitor of ours to be direct about what he wanted from us, this was the time for it.” Was she retroactively justifying William being William? Yes. It didn’t make it untrue though. “I… suppose,” Uriel admitted. “Is it steam?” Father asked. “What?” Marcille asked. “The aetherless shards? Do they use steam? I remember someone talking about using it to create a landship some time ago, but it never went anywhere that I recall.” “Harold, honestly. Can you focus for one moment?” Yurine sighed, drumming the handle of her ceremonial sword. Her father shrugged. “I am. I can be worried about this young man and asking questions about his inventions at the same time.” “Contained explosions, actually,” Marcille said happily. “He explained it on the way over here. There’s a substance called gasoline that ignites to push pistons. Which turn the propellers much like a regular shard would. There’s no aether ballasts though, so it needs to generate momentum before it can get any lift." “Contained explosions!?” both aunts cried in unison. Father’s eyes lit up. “Fascinating.” Marcille laughed, the sound low and warm. “I know, right?” “Is that….” Father continued, turning the concept over in his mind. “Is that why this Jellyfish of his has a flat top? We were just commenting on the odd shape on the way over here. It’s because his shards can’t land vertically. They need a running stop to land and bleed off momentum.” He leaned in as another idea occurred. “Actually, how do the bolt-bows work without aether? Does that also use gasoline to-” “Enough,” Aunt Uriel said, cutting him off with the firmness of long practice. “You can pick their brains about that later. Or ask the boy himself. I’m sure he’ll indulge you.” “Right,” Marcille agreed, seizing the opening. “Our point is, even if William can be a bit much... agreeing to let him use the duchy to build up our industry to churn out his inventions can only benefit us.” “More to the point,” Clarice added quietly. “He wasn’t wrong when he said whoever he backs will take the title. I think we all know the succession is going to end up an honor-duel – and whichever side has the Jellyfish on it is going to win that.” “Really?” Yurine asked. “It has forty Corsairs aboard auntie,” Marcille said. “Forty!?” The woman gasped. “I’d heard the stories about him ‘saving the capital’ but…” “It’s true,” Clarice continued. “Whatever you’ve heard, it’s all true. Those Corsairs of his. They aren’t cheap knock-offs of real shards. They’re… dangerous.” Aunt Uriel sighed, shoulders dropping a fraction. Finally, she turned to the girls. “You’re sure about this?” Marcille smiled. “As sure as we can be about anything. We want the title. William is how we’ll get it. And as for loving him? I don’t know. We like him well enough.” Father trailed off. “Do I need to discretely give him some tips for the, uh…” Both twins flared red immediately. “No!” “We’ve not even done anything like that yet!” “What, you haven’t? Father cocked his head, then chuckled. “Well, he has better self-control than I did at his age. Although, seeing the Dark Elf he was with, are you sure he’s not… you know.” “Marline’s a woman,” Clarice said dryly. “And we know he’s not… like that, because he’s sleeping with one of the instructors. And one of his knights,” Clarice said dryly. “Really? And an instructor!?” Father’s voice rose again – and Marcille hated that he sounded impressed. “Yes, Papa. The other dark elf. Over there,” she supplied, pointing discreetly toward where Griffith stood near the Queen’s table. Father followed her finger, spotted the tall, severe woman and let out a low whistle. “Well, nutty or not, my respect for him just went way up.” “Harold!” Aunt Uriel scolded. Marcille sighed, even if she was a little amused. “Anyway,” Clarice said, steering them back on course. “Do we have your blessing to go ahead with this. We’ll have to have the marriage soon – before the succession duel starts?” “You have it,” Aunt Uriel nodded. “Not that you need it at your age, but you’ve got it all the same.” Both twins grinned, sending each other triumphant looks. Looks that vanished as Papa suddenly got… serious. “Now, with all that out of the way, what’s this I hear about you two taking the Basilisk up against an entire airship single-handed!?” Both twins winced. It took a lot to make Papa mad, but when he was… Hopefully William’s own conversation with his family was going more smoothly, she thought as she got ready to throw her sister under the carriage by saying it was her idea. ------------------------------ “You want to what?” William couldn’t believe his ears. “Support you and those Whitemorrow girls in your bid for the Summerfield duchy,” Janet Ashfield repeated calmly. Behind her, Olivia’s lower lip was doing its absolute best tremble. Still, as much as William wanted to comfort her, he still couldn’t believe his ears. “What?” ------------------------- Previous / First / Next Another three chapters are also available on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/bluefishcake We also have a (surprisingly) active Discord where and I and a few other authors like to hang out: https://discord.gg/RctHFucHaqt submitted by /u/BlueFishcake to r/HFY [link] [comments]

Λǝunǝ: Bɐɹɔlɐʎs Cǝuʇǝɹ (Bɹooʞlʎu' N⅄) ∀ʇʇǝupɐuɔǝ: Ɩ3000 Winner Loser Match Finish Stipulation Rhea Ripley and Iyo Sky The Kabuki Warriors (c) Riptide and Over the Moonsault For the Women's Tag Team Championships Becky Lynch Maxxine Dupri (c) Pin while holding the ropes as Maxxine had the Ankle Lock applied For the Women's Intercontinental Championship Liv Morgan w/ Roxanne Perez Lyra Valkyria w/ Bayley Oblivion CM Punk Bron Breakker GTS For the World Heavyweight Championship Backstage Rhea and Iyo are celebrating their title win when Adam Pearce comes by to congratulate them and tell them to enjoy their night. After they leave Pearce confronts GUNTHER and tells him a lot of eyes are on him tonight and says this is a huge night and everyone knows he's beat John Cena but how about tonight he show a little respect. GUNTHER scoffs at the idea of respect and then goes out to the ring. GUNTHER says he's been asked by management to show a little bit of respect, but how about some respect for him? Respect for the man who made Cena do the one thing he said he'd never do, who made John Cena tap out like a little... However GUNTHER is interrupted by AJ Styles. GUNTHER says if he's here to tell him about respect then he's punching above his weight, they both know he is the greatest company right now and that includes AJ. GUNTHER keeps cutting AJ off from getting a word in and says he made Cena tap out like a little bitch! Now that leaves us with just one question and GUNTHER crouches down to AJ's face and asks what little AJ is gonna do about it? AJ slaps GUNTHER and the two go face to face as he says GUNTHER ain't gonna do nothing. AJ says that's what he thought, nothing and throws the mic at him. Backstage Ivy Nile demands another shot at the Intercontinental Championship but Pearce tells her that they have to get through tonight first to see who is champion after tonight and Ivy demands she isn't put at the back of the line. GUNTHER storms up to Pearce and says he wants to fight AJ Styles when AJ shows up and asks if GUNTHER is going to complain like a little bitch and accepts the challenge for a match next week. Adam Pearce comes out and says there have been some exciting new faces on Raw and Smackdown and says there is none like this young man and throws to a Je'von Evans video package. Je'von comes out and shakes Pearce's hand. Adam says Je'von is one of the most exciting young prospects in WWE and offers him a contract to join Monday night Raw. Je'von signs the contract and makes it official! The Usos yeet their way through the crowd, Jey says the Usos are now in your city and Jimmy and says this is the very first Raw of the new year with your brand new tag team champions. Jey says AJ Styles and Dragon Lee put them through war last week. Jimmy says that was last week and last year though. Jey says this is the year of the Usos and this is a warning shot to every tag team in the game. Jimmy says standing right in front of them is the best tag team in the game and they'll be waiting right here for them. Stephanie Vaquer makes her way to the ring with a walking boot on. She is interviewed and is asked what is next for here. Stephanie says 2025 was amazing, 4 titles, her debut on Raw, Royal Rumble, Evolution, and she achieved her dream of being WWE Women's World Champion. She thanks the WWE universe for believing in her and says last week she went against two great competitors, Nikki Bella and Raquel Rodriquez but she stood victorious. She says her injury will not stop her and that she wants everyone. Raquel Rodrigues ambushes Vaquer from behind and beats her down. Raquel targets the injured leg of Stephanie by slamming it into the mat before laying her out with the Texana Bomb. Raquel grabs a chair from the outside and goes to inflict more damage when referees try to fend her off but Raquel holds them at bay. Raquel wraps the chair around the injured ankle but more officials run in to stop her and Pearce grabs the chair before any further damage can be done. Raquel walks off taunting Stephanie as officials check on her and call for medics. Stephanie is helped to the back where Raquel attacks her again and throws her against some crates before stomping on her ankle until Adam Pearce runs in and forces her off and says he will fine her until she has nothing left and yells for the medics to get off their ass and help Stephanie. Rey is talking with Dragon Lee backstage and tells him he has come a long way and that he will be champion again. Dragon thanks him for the advise and walks off. Penta approaches Rey and says because of what The Vision have been doing he came back early to fight alongside him. Rey thanks him for having his back and says he's been dealing with these pendejo's Logan and Austin for weeks now and understands that Penta has respect for tradition. Penta says when ever Rey needs him he'll be there, Cero Miedo. Backstage CM Punk is interviewed, he's asked how he is preparing for Bron Breakker tonight. Punk says some people would rather talk about him because they have nothing to say about themselves. He says he doesn't care about any spear, 1, 2, 3 Steiner math because the simple fact is it doesn't matter who you are because it'll be GTS and then lights out. SHAMELESS PLUGS Live Thread New to /r/SquaredCircle? Check out the Wiki! Curious about how the /r/SquaredCircle Championship and Jobber Championship works? Check out the rules! Like other wrestling promotions? Perhaps you're looking for other subreddits related to wrestling? There's a sub for that! Check out /r/TheDirtsheets, /r/luchaunderground, /r/njpw /r/TNA, /r/ROH, /r/indiewrestling, /r/Wrasslin and more! submitted by /u/Darren716 to r/SquaredCircle [link] [comments]

I’m 50, deep in perimenopause, and my body has fully entered the Twilight Zone, irregular cycles, a two-week period, night sweats, crazy mood swings, and this bizarre systemic hormonal swelling that makes me gain 2–10 lbs of WATER depending on where I am in my cycle. I’ve been tracking everything like a scientist: weight blood sugar sleep cycle days swelling (0–5 scale) symptoms med responses The pattern is crystal clear: mid-cycle = swelling, luteal phase = swelling, period = relief, Lasix = useless, BNP/thyroid/autoimmune labs = normal, blood sugar = cycle-driven, A1c = improving. I walk into my PCP with all of this documented and say, calmly: “This is hormonal edema. It worsens mid-cycle and improves when my period starts.” His response? “Where do you get your information?” Excuse me, SIR. I am 50 years old. I get my information from HAVING A BODY. But it gets better. He dismissed the swelling because it wasn’t ankle pitting (apparently that’s the only kind that counts?), ordered labs for: congestive heart failure rheumatoid arthritis autoimmune disease …and then documented my entire visit as: “female pattern baldness.” Not edema. Not hormonal swelling. Not perimenopause symptoms. Not the 6 months of data I brought. Just. Hair loss. I left that appointment feeling humiliated, invisible, and so pissed off I could have powered the building. But instead of shrinking, I flipped the switch: ✔ requested a correction in my chart ✔ sent a message explaining exactly how dismissed I felt ✔ scheduled with a woman GYN ✔ reached out to cardiology for HRT clearance ✔ started spironolactone (which is actually helping!) ✔ began building a full menopause symptom packet because clearly someone has to understand my body and it’s not my PCP I don’t think I’ve ever advocated for myself this hard in my life. It’s terrifying. And honestly? It feels goddamn amazing. If any of you have been brushed off, minimized, or reduced to a stereotype during perimenopause, I see you. This shit is wild. And women deserve so much better. submitted by /u/DisciplineVast7694 to r/Perimenopause [link] [comments]

I've lost 85 lbs using Zepboud in less than 17 months. I stopped injecting several months ago but kept losing a few pounds and have been able to maintain my weight. However, SO many people have been telling me things like, "you've lost too much weight and you need to stop!" Or, "you're beginning to look anorexic and unhealthy." I've had people that I barely know come up to me to tell me that I've "over done it." An acquaintance came up to me at a baby shower, grabbed me by the arms and even shook me a little and said, "WE don't like THIS "Glitzblitz! We want the old "GB" that had curves, a huge ass and a tiny waist!!" The security guard at my kid's school told me "Ma'am, you need to stop losing weight because we're worried that you're going to die on us." In both cases I don't know who the "we" people are because I barely even know them. My husband recently told me that I looked better when I was heavier. His words: "I never complained when you were heavier. In fact you looked better then and didn't look 'ugly'." The check out ladies at the grocery store that I go to in this small town stop me EVERY time I walk in to make their comments about my appearance, They've even feigned concern and told my husband that "he needs to step up and set me straight because I'm looking sickly and anorexic." It's gotten to the point that I drive an hour to the "bigger city" to grocery shop because these women make me feel so uncomfortable. For years, I've wanted to lose weight. At the age of 50, I was finally able to do it. I was so big, I could hear my knees and ankles screaming for dear life every time I woke up in the middle of the night for water or to use the RR. I'd get winded by simply walking down the mall, in grocery stores, etc. Now, I seriously feel like I'm being "skinny shamed" and it's NOT a good feeling. It's been happening so often lately that I'm starting to feel insecure again. The way I felt when I was heavy. I know I'm not the only one going through this. Please share your stories. submitted by /u/GlitzBlitz to r/Zepbound [link] [comments]

TLDR; literally forced a baby on me and made my life extremely difficult. I know it sounds stupid but I have to finally get this off my chest. My son exists because his mother wrapped her legs around me during climax and caused me to cum in her. After 3 years of being together and using the pull out method she decided she wanted to have children. So, she timed her ovulation, engaged me in sex, rode me, and when I was about to cum she pressed her weight down on me while wrapping her arms and legs around me and would not get off. I tried to remove her from me but she used every muscle she had to stay attached. We were literally fighting. There was nothing sexy or comical about the moment. When I finally pushed her off me I asked her why she did it and she didn’t answer. She just sat there on the floor staring into the carpet with a slight smirk on her face. It was an incredibly strange moment. So, I immediately went out and got a Plan B but she refused to take it. She said she didn’t want to poison her body with it. She said she knew she wasn’t pregnant but a few weeks later she showed me a positive pregnancy test. I told her that we should abort. She refused to do that too. She said it wouldn’t sit well in the eyes of God. By the way, this women had punched me in the face several times, smoked weed, drank alcohol, had sex out of wedlock, lied, stole from stores, AND her mom told her that she had an abortion before. All of a sudden she brought religion into it. I shit you not. All of this and I had told her on several occasions that I never wanted children. I was the oldest of nine children and spent most of my youth raising them. When she got pregnant she was 23 and I was 25. While pregnant she acted as if she was handicapped from month 1. She refused to do anything for herself so I had to do it. After our son was born she became even worse. She said she had post partum and refused to help with him. I changed all the diapers, did all the rocking to sleep, middle of the night care, and feedings. She said she would breast feed but wanted to continue smoking weed so she stopped breast feeding after two weeks in. I raised her and our son for two years and couldn’t take it anymore. I left. She made me pay dearly. She took me to court and told them I didn’t take care of our son. She refused to let me see him before court so to them I was an absent father. I paid $1400 a month in support and was only making $39000 a year. After winning child support she would leave him with me for most of the week. She told our friend group that I was gay, I abused her, and that she didn’t want to leave our child around me because she feared I’d abuse him either physically or sexually (this hurts even still). She has since dragged me through the court system, tried to get restraining orders on me, verbally assaulted women I’ve dated, driven past my residence on several occasions, constantly talks bad about me in front of and to our son, and writes me some of the worst texts you’d ever want to read. Oh, and leaves me CRAZY voice texts. For years my life was hell until I finally just gave up and let her take our son to another state just so I can have some peace. Unfortunately, I’m Disney Dad now who only gets him during summer vacation but on the bright side I’ll only have to deal with her for another 4 years. He’s almost 14 now. Unfortunately, he’s doing a lot of his growing up and I don’t get to see it. I love him so much and only want what’s best for him. I want to take him in to my care but I don’t want him to feel like he was taken away from his mom before he’s ready. He’s hinted at coming to move with me but also told me she bribes him. She offers him extra gifts and money to give her information about me. Sadly, he said she’ll get really upset with him if he doesn’t give her information or says he doesn’t know. BTW I knew she had anger issues. However, I thought she’d grow out of them with time and maturity. I was young and dumb thinking people could change for love. I was wildly wrong. Anywho, it’s a huge relief to confess this. Thanks for attending my TED talk. Edit: Whoa! The response to this post is unexpected. Thank you all for taking the time to read my confession and comment. I’ve gained great perspective from some of the advice here. Please allow me to clarify a few things. I fully accept my fault in this situation. Whenever I talk to someone about the challenges I’ve faced with coparenting I’m always sure to end it with “Hey, I’ve made my bed.” I knew she was a troubled person and tried to leave her a few weeks before this situation. She actually fell to her knees, grabbed my right ankle, groveled at my feet and begged me not to leave her. The reason I was dead set on leaving was because when she left to visit her mom for Christmas, weeks before, she logged into my email and was checking my messages. I knew she was in there because my most recent email had been read. To confirm my suspicions I created another email account, pretended to be a woman, and sent a few messages back and forth to bait her. She fell for the bait by the third response and replied to the thread from my inbox. Yes, it sounds silly but I had to be sure. I called her while she was away and explained to her what she was seeing in MY inbox. I showed her the faux email address when she returned, and told her that our relationship was over. Queue sobs, groveling, and promises to change. This was a constant scenario with her. She’d hit me, cuss me out in front of friends, use confidential information I’d share with her against me, invade my privacy (i.e. steal my phone and lock herself in the bathroom, go through my laptop, go through my Facebook messages, etc.) and then cry hysterically and tell me she would change. Her favorite phrases were “You’re older than me and have so much more life experience.” “You’re a man and should be stronger than me.” “It’s not my fault. I saw my mom beaten by my stepdad. So, when you raise your voice my first resort is violence.” And always end it with “… but I’ll change. I just need time.” Hence, my naivety and patience. After the message incident I allowed her to seduce me. Again, that’s my fault. I should had told her no but it’s difficult to turn down someone you’ve grown accustomed to being intimate with over the last 3 years. Then the leg lock incident occurred. The best part of this confession is not only has getting this off my chest felt therapeutic but the advice. Many people have echoed an obvious possibility that I’ve considered but willfully overlooked for years. That is getting a paternity test. I didn’t get a test because her behavior came off as infatuation. I always assumed she wouldn’t cheat on me because she was so overbearing and afraid I’d leave her. It never really occurred to me that her constant accusing me of cheating and invading my privacy was her projecting her misdeeds onto me. Side note: I NEVER cheated on her or gave her a reason to think that. She held the reins so tightly there was no room for infidelity even if I wanted to. Her reason for this thinking was “all men cheat”. Anyway, when my son gets here in the summer I’ll have the test ready on day one. I’m going to go with a 23 and me as it’s not so straight forward and I can let him read the box. I’m sure he’d be able to process learning our lineage instead of him thinking we’re doing a test to determine if I’m really his dad. I’ll be sure to update this post with the results. I didn’t go to the police or tell anyone about this incident because I didn’t think anyone would believe me. After all, I’m a man and admitting that I allowed a woman to do this sounds insane. Especially, admitting this to other men like local police officers. I didn’t think anyone would take such a claim seriously. So, for the naysayers who don’t believe this is true I understand your disbelief. As I write this I’m still amazed that such an event has caused me such great great suffering. Imagine being forced to do a job that you never signed up for day in and day out. Now, imagine that job is for a person that is literally a part of you. A being that you MUST care for. This caused me a massive emotional conflict every single day for years. That conflict was just about my feelings as a parent and didn’t even include the constant conflict with my coparent. Suffice to say, it lead me to want to off myself but I didn’t because I didn’t want my son to grow up being known as the kid with the dad that punched his own ticket, amongst other things. I know this edit goes beyond a confession but for the sake of clarity I feel I owe it to everyone battling it out in the comments section. Thanks again everyone and never let anyone steal your joy. submitted by /u/OutblackDaze to r/confessions [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/indecisivehooman Originally posted to r/Everest Not exactly fit couple going to Everest Base Camp in November Trigger Warnings: possible racism Original Post: August 25, 2024 Hi! My husband and I are 36 this year, and live in a tropical place at sea level. We have only one hill here, no mountains, and that hill has well paved roads. So not much opportunity for altitude training. We were kind of lackadaisical with our training for EBC, until we read a few reddit posts today where a few redditors said they really struggled and more than half of their team didn't make it all the way. And these were pretty fit redditors, fr how they described their trg regimen. We had people tell us EBC is very doable for all fitness levels, so those posts shocked us! Previously, my exercise regimen was typcially walking for maybe 30 min a day, and once every 2 weeks would do 1 hour walks with weights. Did gym and runs like maybe once a week or less. Are we screwed? Do we have to really amp up the training to some hardcore routine since we have about 2 months left to train? Should we cancel the trip? For an idea of our fitness - we did mt rinjani in a 2d1n trek recently, and while we were initially okay, we got pressured by the 20+ year old athletes on our team and started jogging /running up the mt at the second day's hike. After about 45 min of jogging uphill, I was struck by awful nausea, headache, and suddenly all my muscles felt weak and I got really winded. I struggled to get up, took really long, I think more than 5 hours to summit. It was touuuughhhh. Got off the mt and our legs were jelly. Really hard to walk properly the next day. Today after we panicked about the posts, we jogged/walked up and down 18 flights of stairs three times. Took around 19 min. We were winded but thought we were all right, until we both noticed our hamstrings were trembling a little when we stood still after. My husband's still fitter than i am, but he focuses on weight training. He can do many pullups etc meanwhile i cant do one pullup without using resistance bands. Is there time to train up? Is it really as tough as people say? Any tips to really toughen up before we go? Edit: I appreciate all the constructive comments and reality checks! Those comments about this being fake are completely unhelpful. And downvoting a simple why question is.... also very unhelpful. All my husband and i can guess is... Shit maybe we are too unfit, people can't even believe we're considering going. And that's fine. That's why we're asking! I mean, just say so, yk? We were all pretty fit people until well... Covid. Then we started to build up again but work and stuff kept getting in the way. I was running 3 x a week until the past 2 months where things were hectic. Anyway, I see that we horribly underestimated ebc. Honestly, when we booked it, we looked at posts about this, articles, and people mostly said anyone of average health fitness can get to base camp. We are in good health w no medical issues, not overweight or high blood pressure or anything, and so many articles said that was all you needed! That and a good mindset. Today was the first time i saw so many posts and comments about how hard it is. Really appreciate the reality checks and training advice everyone! Maybe like one poster said, people who said it's an easy trek are just flexing. Thanks for the advice! Definitely gonna train everyday now, dammit. Relevant Comments OOP should get a head start on running and training because of the elevation and it could affect her being out of shape OOP: Shucks. Okay yes sounds like I really gotta start running. It's one of my least favourite forms of exercise, but yeah, I'll try to do it or stair climbing daily. Will remember what you said, that it gets better. Hopefully i get there in 2 months! OOP should had researched prior to making a commitment to the base camp OOP: Okay now this is much more helpful tbh. No sarcasm. We feel like dumbasses lololol. We didn't not research it, but had a lot of friends who did it and said it would be no problem for us. They said it was easy, very doable! Our guide said so too, that walking is easy, just a matter of altitude. that even 5 year olds to 78 yo do it, no problem. We googled rinjani versus ebc, and they mostly said rinjani was harder. We finished rinjani 2 hours behind the young kids but we did it anyway, despite ams symptoms. So we honestly thought it would be fine. We had hiked a lot in the past just never a 2 week hike. So... Yes thank you. I'd rather have this rude awakening of how much of a dumbass i am now.   Update: November 18, 2024 (almost three months later) Update - we made it! Someone asked for an update so... Yeah we did it! Got up to EBC, then did a freezing (-17 degrees) predawn trek up to Kala Patthar to watch the sunrise. Thanks to everyone who gave helpful suggestions and feedback! Some of you even sent us your packing list, reached out with personal suggestions etc. I truly appreciate you awesome people. We trained for 2 months, spending 4 days each week climbing up and down 54 to 57 flights of steps daily, with 10kg (for me) and 16kg (husband) weights in our backpacks. 2 days of the week we went to the gym, and one day a week was rest day. That turned out to be enough for us to be able to trek up to and down from EBC and Kala Patthar without being miserably tired. It was tiring still, of course, but not to the point where we couldn't look around, soak in the beauty around us and just really bask in nature. We didn't even have muscle aches and pains until the last few days when we walked lots to get down the mountain. With diamox, we acclimatised well too. (just hated the multiple pees i had to wake up to do at night due to the diamox). As a by product of this training my weaker ankle really toughened up and held up well, and i finally managed to do my first unassisted pullup! Best tips I had from Redditors: keep the training as close to the actual trek as possible. Do treks, if possible, or steps with weighted backpacks. it's all about mentality. At no point in the trek did I want to just rush to the next teahouse. I reminded myself constantly that it's the trekking itself that I enjoyed, the steps I got to take in majestic nature that I was there for. That really helped me enjoy the journey! pace myself - don't get rushed by others. In the first few days especially, i often found that our slow, measured steps meant being overtaken by many hikers, but we would eventually walk by them again as they rested, or anyway see them at the next teahouse. I paced my steps with my breaths and played around with that depending on how tired I was and how thin the air was. What I might have done differently: immediately insisted on a change in the guide. Or got a personal recommendation for a good guide. Our was sour faced, mean, no matter how nice we tried to be and how much we tried to get to know him etc. He kept asking us to cut our trek short, choose another trek, do the trek without him, asked us to fake sick and take the helicopter down whenever we could, since we've insurance. He tried to pull some weird sell our lukla flights for helicopter rides scam too that just needed us to pay him 400usd up front (from initally insisting we pay 900usd for a helicopter ride instead of our flights) that "the company" will later refund, so we won't be put out of pocket. Spoiler alert, said company said there was no such thing, no refund. He kept testing our blood oxygen, and at one point lit up when the machine on my finger said 69 for a moment, smiled and said I would have to descend by helicopter, then the number leapt back up to 97, and his face fell. I seriously think he just wanted us to fail and leave early. He had a 180 change in mood and got all jokey and happy once we joined up with a super fun bunch of westerners, so maybe he just didn't like being in charge of only 2 people. It was probably the likelihood of receiving less tips. No matter how generous the two of us try to be, it's not going to beat the tips of a large group of generous westerners. Maybe as Asians we have a bad rep for tipping? Idk. Anyway that group's guide fell sick so our guide took over for us all, and he was so gleeful and friendly after that it weirded me out. I do get that he has to make a living with our tips and his salary during the climbing season, so I get why he was that way. Just wish they would pay guides enough to not need to be this way with clients. Anyway we ended up tipping the porter more than we did him for our porter was smiley, nice and seemed to want us to succeed. We still tipped him according to recommendations, but at the lower end. trained with heavier weights and at a faster pace. I limited myself to 10kg as that was already 20 percent of my weight, and most sites said not to overdo it, but at higher altitudes and at long distances, the actual 4 to 5 kg i was carrying felt like more. A faster pace might have trained up my VO2 max more. Our training was fine, but barring mishaps. Once i had food poisoning, i wished i had trained harder. I feel like a really fit person would've been able to push past it more easily -avoided all fried food. We had vegetarian food all the way, thinking that was enough, but I got food poisoning at Dingboche, 4400m altitude. I hurled and had diarrhea every 30 min. After 20 over runs to the toilet, it slowed to once every hour or 2 in the second day. We added another day to rest, and i was good to go after 3 days at dingboche. I had cramps everywhere climbing up to lobuche, but electrolytes and subsequent rest sorted that out. At the end of the day, i got what I needed from the trek. I was in a rut, trying to find some way to shake myself free, and hiking for the first several days with just us, having all the time in the world to think with every rhythmic step, had me really be able to sort my mind out. The next part, with that super warm and fun group, i got so inspired by how amazing all of them were, the things they push themselves to do, the way they love life and live it so well, that I got an idea of what life could be outside of my little bubble. And being in nature is just healing by itself. We dont get much nature in our country so we were just so grateful to be there, amidst the mountains, the forests, by the rivers...it was amazing So all that effort and money, it was totally worth it. Thanks everyone for all the help! Additional Information from OOP on the list to pack OOP: I think I'll just type it out here: • Sun hat • Buffs, two light ones, one thick one • Beanie • Headlamp • Sunglasses • 3 long sleeved shirts • 3 thermal tops • Ultralight down jacket • Fleece jacket (could have swapped put for a really warm puffer down jacket, but it served me well enough at tea houses, just wish it had a hood!) • Waterproof shell jacket • Windproof hoodie/jacket • Undies, sports bras • Light gloves • Heavyweight gloves • Light hiking pants • Warm hiking pants • 2 thermal pants • Woolly socks (for tea houses) • Sandals (to wear with woolly socks at tea houses) • Merino wool socks • Rain top and bottom • Compostable garbage bags • Face mask (made coughing fits on the planes and airports less awkward) • Ereader • Nalgene bottles x2 • Ziploc bags • Antibiotics • Paracetamol • Lozenges (needed all of them once the khumbu cough hit) • Plasters, bandages • Blister pads • Cornstarch as powder and dry shampoo • Antidiarrheals • Diamox • Aquatabs • Steripen • Batteries for steripen (they die fast in the cold) • Earplugs (used every night) • Moisturiser • Sunscreen • Lip balm • Aquaphor • Insect repellent (only needed at kathmandu, ramechhap and lukla) • Wet wipes/body wipes • Snacks and gels • Electrolytes • Toothbrush tooth paste • First aid kit • Soap bar • Quick dry mini towel • Eyedrops • 2 rolls of toilet paper (had to buy more once food poisoning hit) • Padlocks for our porter bags • Multitools - confiscated as we brought in our handcarry - really needed at times :( • Women hygiene stuff like pantyliners • Pee funnel device (women) • Microfiber cloth (to clip by my backpack for wiping snot/mucus - great suggestion by u/gobbliegoop • plugs, portable chargets • sleeping bag (rented at kathmandu) Relevant Comments OOP responds with what she has learned when on the trek as she dealt with some minor issues OOP Thank you! Oh i felt it at rinjani too! Headaches, lack of appetite, the works. But it only really became a problem when i ran up the mountain - went at too fast a pace. Nausea hit me like a truck. Lesson learnt. For EBC, with diamox, a comfortable pace and adequate acclimatisation days, the altitude wasn't a problem at all. For someone in our group it was a problem even with diamox, but she got through it with painkillers and lots of water. Honestly, i feel that the typical advice of going at a slow pace, not over exerting yourself was key. Altitude wasnt a big issue throughout the hike, as long as I didnt overdo it and rested when needed. I only had headaches at night when trying to sleep, which seemed to be the case for most of our group. Once i was up and about i felt better. When i covered my head with a beanie and used the mummy sleeping bag, plus drank lots of water with electrolytes, my headache got better even at night, so it might be a mix of the cold and the altitude. A lot of people didn't sleep well at night due to the altitude, but it seemed pretty much manageable for most!   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am STILL NOT the Original Poster. That is u/ThrowRA_86739. She posted in r/TrueOffMyChest and her own page Thanks to u/nichtnasty and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for letting me know about the updates. Previous BORU here. New Updates marked with ****\* Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest updates are at least 7 days old. Trigger Warning: infidelity; domestic abuse; Mood Spoiler: scary and sad Original Post: February 10, 2024 It feels like a cruel cruel joke- years before I met my husband I was in such a toxic, abusive relationship that it almost ended my life. I spent years in therapy, bettering myself, figuring out why I accepted that type of “love” I stayed single for years, and once I started dating, I made sure to keep an eye out on all red flags. Heck, I even took things slowly when there was nothing but green flags. Thanks to my ex I was familiar with love bombing. I met my husband at work event, and things just fell into place. I opened up and explained my past trauma, and let him know that if we were going to date that it would require a slow pace and patience. I won’t say that he was perfect, but he was always kind, compassionate, and cared. We dated for about five years, engaged for one and married for a little over three years now. We recently bought our second home together, we both got promotions at work, so we sat down and talked about kids. He wanted a big family, and I only wanted one or two. We agreed on two, and well started trying. It didn’t take long and here I am six months pregnant, still working, have swollen ankles and a back that won’t stop aching. Other than that I’ve been very happy and have what I thought was a supportive husband. Three weeks ago, I found out that he was having an emotional affair, and honestly probably a physical one. When confronted with the evidence he admitted to not being attracted to me while pregnant. I’m wrecked. I haven’t gained unnecessary weight, I still take care of myself, even with the morning sickness that hasn’t gone away. He’s not sorry about it, but you told me that I was being overdramatic when I cried, he is staying with his family until he can find a home to rent, he doesn’t want to get a divorce- he saying after the pregnancy is over we can go to therapy and fix things. I don’t want to. I cannot physically look this man in the eye anymore without feeling disgust. I have a text from him saying that he’s my only option, because no man wants to date a single mom. I’ll be talking to a lawyer and figuring out how to divorce him I just wanted to vent into the void today. For now I’m going to DoorDash some nuggets and a frosty from Wendy’s and be OK if I gain 5 pounds from it thanks for listening well reading I suppose. Relevant Comments: Someone offers to buy OOP food: Thank you for the offer! I already ordered my food and am stuffed. If you’d like to head over to the free food subreddit and feed someone that’s in need, they need it more then I do ❤️ In response to a now deleted comment: I don’t think you deserved the amount of dislikes for asking a question, maybe it was in the way you worded it. Who really knows. Emotional was how I decided to word it, because what else do I call just “talking” He was telling a very young naive woman- how hot she was, how he couldn’t wait to touch her body, telling her he loved her, but then claimed they never met. He would complain to her that I wasn’t “fun” anymore. There were obviously pictures sent back and forth due to comments, but the pictures were deleted. I asked him about all his “overtime” at work and he couldn’t give straight answers hence the physical aspect of things. This man went from working maybe 40 hours a week to 60 and I may be dealing with pregnancy but I’m not stupid. you didn’t ask this but I’m putting it here because people have brought it up and they may read this comment. I would never expect my husband or whatever you want to call him to find my changing body attractive, pregnancy is weird I think it’s beautiful but he or others don’t have to. What I did expect was him to not call me hideous to another woman, or to cheat especially while I’m growing a life we both wanted. Why do you have to move? We bought our home together and instead of fighting it out we’ll be selling and splitting assets, or at least I hope that’s how it will be. Plus i just don’t want to be here in this house- it’s too big for just a baby and I plus the dog he just had to have that’s currently curled up in bed with me. Clarification- have you moved out yet? Oh I’m sorry! I’m still in the shared home- he moved out to stay with his family until he finds another place Update (Same Post): February 12, 2024 (2 days later) I’m making an edit because I’m not sure this sub will let me do an update post- I was told I’m not allowed to change the locks due to it being his home as well and he came over last night knowing there wasn’t crap I could do to prevent it. Thankfully he only grabbed some personal belongings, threatened to take the dogs (he did not) and let me know he emptied our shared account. Part of me rolled my eyes and figured he wasn’t dumb enough to do that, and the other part made me make a mental note to check it once he left. Sure enough our account has maybe $5 in it, he did a transfer which I’ll be calling the bank about and speaking to an attorney this afternoon. Thankfully my dad taught me you don’t fully mix finances so my savings wasn’t capable of being touched- and while it’s not a lot it’s enough to pay for the fees over the next few weeks. I don’t have any family left so I think he’s doing a power play to make me feel like I’m alone and need him, when in all reality it’s lit a fire under my ass that I don’t want or need such a garbage person in my life. Thank you to everyone that’s reached out with comments, kind messages and helpful advice. Update Post 1: February 15, 2024 (3 days later, 5 from OG post) I wanted to do an update with how many people took the time to send messages, leave comments and share their own personal stories- which especially helped make me not feel so alone. As mentioned in an edited post- I was not allowed to change the locks on our house due to both of our names being on it. I never feared for my safety, it was more so an annoyance. He showed up to grab some personal belongings and I thought that what be the most that would happen. It was like he was trying to get a reaction from me- he told me he transferred funds and emptied out the account, I didn’t believe him until I saw it myself. That was both of our money, so that’s being dealt with currently. He showed up the day before yesterday completely drunk, begging to talk, increasing in anger when I would just ignore him and walk away. It kept increasing so I went to grab my bag and walk down the road to a neighbors home so I wasn’t alone. He grabbed my arm to stop me and when i yanked it away, he slapped me- almost a backhanded open slap. The cops were called, I didn’t have a mark on my face so it was a my word vs his- they escorted him off the property and I’m only now assuming he’s back with his parents now, he did throw a fit about the dogs and does have proof of ownership so im guessing he’ll be able to take them. Went to leave to go for a drive to clear my head after everything and realized 3 of my 4 tires were flat, I know it was him but I don’t have proof. Insurance won’t cover it, so going to a tire shop on Friday morning. Just another drop in the bucket As for the attorney I’ve had my consult and I’m waiting for my check to come in for my actual appointment and getting the ball moving on this. There’s not any family left, and a few close friends are kept in the loop but I don’t want to burden them or treat them like unpaid therapists so I think that’s why I came back to reddit. Something therapeutic about just typing it all out into the void. The baby/pregnancy is okay- I’ve actually lost weight, and the doctor has told me to avoid stressful situations and to take things easy. I’ll be calling to see if I can change the locks on the home now and if not I’m going to start looking for places. Relevant Comments: It's ok to burden one of your friends. Otherwise you could stay in a women's shelter for safety: Staying with friends isn’t possible, a lot are out of state and lawyer mentioned abandonment of assets, plus my job and doctor are here. I do have someone coming out and putting a few cameras up and thankfully the neighborhood is aware and keeping an eye out. This is all short term of course and the goal is to leave, there’s just a ton of reasons why that can’t be right this moment (a different commenter)Unfortunately, all of my friends are out of state and too far away from my work, doctor, and I was recommended to stay on the property so he couldn’t go after me for abandoning the assets OOP's best friend: Thank you- while I’m trying to do what I can and stay safe- my friends are on the other side of the us, what we’re doing right now is FaceTimes and phone calls. My best friend has outright said if she calls and I don’t call back within 5 minutes of our setup time she’s calling the police. She also put in for some time off of work and wants to come up to help me look at places and just be there in general. I’m not going to lie I’m struggling in every way possible and I’m scared but I know I have a support system to lean on. Cameras: My neighbor has some they’re letting me use until I can afford to buy some better ones- they have video but no audio. At this point I’m glad knowing I’ll at least have something. I hope you get that money back: I really hope so too, he seriously transferred everything but $5 from the checking and the savings ( which didn’t even have his name on it) Wait how? Yeah, we had a shared laptop and I didn’t think he could get into it but I’m somehow thinking he managed with passwords or something. I’ve filed a dispute with the bank and they’re investigating it, along with a fraud report at the police station. The bank mentioned with it being my husband they may not approve the dispute, so that’s why I went and did a report at the police station. Relationship with inlaws/can you start the divorce proceedings sooner than the birth? While I would consider it a civil relationship with the in laws, they are his parents and in their eyes he can do no wrong. He’s an only child and they have a very very close relationship. His mother apologized on his behalf but asked me to put myself in his shoes. They’re choosing to wear blinders to the whole situation. With the divorce that’s the whole attorney thing- I’ve done a free consultation, the attorney and I agreed with the assets and how things are going it won’t be a mediation(?) and will be a long expensive court battle knowing how spiteful he’s being. They have recommended a police report on any issue to have it filed, to not block contact with him for proof of harassment and think the best course of action is selling the property and splitting assets. Id love to just focus on my pregnancy and myself but due to safety reasons I’m staying on top of legal issues Update Post 2: February 19, 2024 (4 days later, 9 from OG post) He broke in late last night, I was able to contact the police before I confronted him but due to location I knew it would be a bit. I tried walking by him to leave the house but everytime I would he’d shove me, once hard enough to make me stumble and fall backwards. The eerie part is he never once yelled- threw things-one of the items hit me causing an emergency room visit requiring stitches, said the most vile things- he hated me, I should kill myself, how useless I was etc. yet never once raised his voice, I’m not saying that in a good way- I wish he would have yelled, it was a fight or flight instinct and I found out mine was to freeze. I hate that for myself. He was arrested and his mother already bailed him out, im staying at a hotel thanks to a work advance and looking into apartments. I won’t be stepping a foot into that home we shared until my best friend is here and even then it will be with police being with us. Nobody can figure out what made him change almost overnight, only thing I’m guessing is a psychotic break, but I’m not a therapist or doctor. Besides some ugly bruises and some stitches myself and the baby are fine. My lawyer feels like this is enough to get a protection order for myself and will include the pregnancy/baby. Next time I see him will be at court, sorry I’m rambling and maybe this doesn’t make any sense. For now- I’m safe, can sleep good for the first time in weeks. I have the dogs. Nobody is aware of where I am besides one close person, and the police. Final update- I changed my locks, figured if he’d get the law Involved I’d use pregnancy brain and being forgetful to give him a spare set. Relevant Comments: Could it be a head injury? I wish he was hit in the head, fucker deserves it. On a serious note- no nothing changed, no outside stress, no injuries, nothing that I’m aware of. I know it sounds unbelievable but once the mask slipped gloves were off. I think he thought he wanted it, to the point where he tried to believe that is what he wanted/the right thing to do. It’s hard it’s so damn hard, I wish I could hate him but I just feel sorry for him. That does not mean I will ever go back, or at this point talk to him without the law involved. I’m choosing myself and the little one and really it’s his loss. Can you get an abortion? I’ve had a couple of those comments so don’t take this reply personally just the one I’m using. Abortion is not in the books for me- I’m not anti abortion and I feel like it’s a right women should have and it’s heartbreaking what our nation is going through when it comes to women having that striped away. I’m 6 months pregnant, I can feel her move, I love her, she isn’t a fetus to me she is a baby. If I was 4-8 weeks yeah maybe it would have been an option but it isn’t now I will take every step in making sure we are protected, I will love her enough for the both of us, I will not let her sperm donor have the opportunity to hurt her. Update Post 3: February 26, 2024 (1 week later, 16 days from OG post) Police met me at my home to grab some personal belongings and pretty much anything and everything else I could grab. Thanks to the user who recommended me calling the non emergency number it was smooth sailing- he wasn’t home, I didn’t have the fear of him showing up and both officers were very kind. What I walked into on the other hand was not very fun- this man looked like he went on a bender. Bleach on clothes, food everywhere, personal belongings just destroyed, especially the nursery. I was able to salvage a lot of the bigger items and packed what I could, they’re now in storage until I move into my place. Took pictures and as aggravating as it was especially with the one step forward two steps back Im hopeful that they’ll just be another thing used against him to prevent custody. As far as him- he has no way of contacting other then attorney or email and it’s been quiet on both ends, his parents have not reached out I don’t even know what I’d say to them if they tried so no loss there. His girlfriend yes girlfriend as I found out has been trying to contact me via friends to let me know she’s pregnant, I’m unsure if that’s true or not but that in the very least confirms the affair and how well he kept things hidden. I do want to clear the air I made a post asking for helpful information on resources that could potentially help and someone made a comment saying I was in it for a “ long con” and that’s just untrue- I have not and will not accept any personal items/donations other then advice and maybe an internet hug. (Editor's note- OOP deleted the post she is referencing. See comment below.) While I wish my story was made up, it is not. Maybe it’s a venting board maybe it’s just connecting with people that have been in the same situation but it’s helps keep me sane. Anyway I’ll leave it at thank you all for listening and checking up on me- I’m safe I’m good, pregnancy is the only thing kicking my ass and I’ll make sure to make a post in a few months letting y’all know she’s here and that we made it. Bye for now ❤️ OOP's comment on this post: Oh trust me I’m having bad days with it especially emotionally, I’m sure the hormones aren’t helping. I’ve debated if I turned a blind eye and if there really weren’t any red flags. I’ve had moments where I’ve missed him because it’s not just a switch- we loved each other or at least I loved him. This is a person I planned a future and had a past with. It’s really just an emotional rollercoaster and that’s okay. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to handle all of this but I’m doing my best OOP's comment on the post she deleted: I’m not asking for money and I’m sorry if it came across that way- I can provide proof and anything else. I’ve had multiple people reach out and ask if they could help and I’ve always turned it down- the only thing I’m asking is for someone to point me in the way of an organization that I may not know of. If that’s coming across as that way though I can and will delete my post it wasn’t my intention **New Updates** Update Post 4: March 5, 2024 (1 week later) I’ve read every single message and the majority of the comments. Thank you for sharing your experiences, your advice, your love. More then a few have offered baby items, groceries and gift cards. I cannot in good will accept any of those but if you have items laying around please consider donating them to a charity that helps homeless parents. One thing that stuck out is someone asked how I could feel sorry for him? I guess I’m an empathic person, to the point where it could be a flaw. I wish if he was so unhappy he would have just told me, we could have fixed it before it became violent and if it wasn’t fixable we could have both been amazing parents. His girlfriend that reached out wrote an email in which was forwarded to me. She’s saying she’s pregnant and for her sake I hope she’s not. She’s accusing me of ruining a “good” man’s reputation, she called the injuries self inflicted and how they want a paternity test 🙄 My personal favorite was if my baby is actually his she hopes- her baby can grow up with her and have a sister. Little does she know I will go to hell and back to make sure that man does not know anything about my daughter. As for him, I’ve seen him once while leaving the grocery store. Outside me was calm cool collected, acted like he was a stranger I wouldn’t give a second look at. On the inside I said oh shit about 500 times and cried in the car. Money situation is fixed (work bonus and promotion) I’ve bought a new and better living room suite and having a painting party at the end of the month. You’re all invited btw. Still good, still safe, slowly learning to love my new normal. If you’re in a similar situation or in an abusive relationship man or woman reach out: you’re not alone. You don’t need to be brave, I’m certainly not. You just need that “I can’t do this anymore” to light that fire. Relevant Comments: Commenter: I’m a petty Betty and would have posted the GFs text about “ruining a good man’s reputation” right next to all the destruction of the house….. let EVERYONE see what a “good man” he is OOP: You know petty me wanted to show her the texts, the pictures, the well everything. I’m going to let him show her himself, because until he does I’ll just be that vindictive lying ex. I was perfect to that man- I poured endless love into our marriage, I spoiled him, I was a best friend, a therapist and probably his biggest hype man and if he can leave that he can leave anything. There’s no bad issues- I want to see her eat just not at my table type of thing but I’m treating her just like I do him like they’re nothing but a stranger to me. He doesn’t have to go on the birth certificate and really after the divorce and court dates I don’t think I’ll allow either of them to be a second thought in my head. Update Post 5: September 9, 2024 (6 months later, 7 from OG post) Hi! It’s been awhile since I’ve posted, I mean last time I posted I had swollen ankles, waddled, thought every little cramp was a contraction and felt like life was falling apart. I want to thank everyone who reached out even months after the fact just to check in on a stranger. My daughter is here, for privacy im going to leave out her dob but she was 6 pounds two ounces and the most beautiful head of hair I’ve seen (she’s now got the hair style of Danny Devito) My original posts are still up in case anyway is looking at this with puzzlement. But to say things have been rough would be an understatement. He showed up to the hospital, thankfully everyone was aware and hospital staff handled it properly and perfectly and I was able to focus on labor and delivery. Unfortunately the stress of that alone took an already hectic moment in time and amp’d it up but things could have been so much worse and I’m highly thankful they were not. Right now I’ve got about 10 different cps calls, they’ve came to my house on 4 occasions. His family and him have filed for an emergency custody hearing and due to leaving the state with my daughter that did give him a foot in the door. It seems the protective order isn’t really helping in that matter. I am still on maternity leave so thankfully my focus has fully been on my daughter, and collecting all the evidence to make sure he doesn’t get any custody other then possibly supervised visits for an hour. My main concern is if he doesn’t get any custody that his parents may do the grandparent route. I wish it was an update to say I’m kicking motherhoods ass and taking names but most of the time I feel like a burnt out blob- I am in therapy and the doctors are keeping an eye on postpartum depression, yet my doctor thinks a giant hemorrhoid (ex) is the cause instead. Don’t have an update on the girlfriend of his, have kept the dogs I think they love the little one just as much as I do. Am excited and anxious to see where the next chapter of life will take me. Relevant Comments: Don't worry about Grandparents' rights: Thank you for this. The rational side of my brain knows that they have a slim to none chance of getting anywhere, yet the exhausted overstimulated hormones all over the place keep going “what if” so anytime that fear creeps back in I’ll come back to your comment and read it a few times OOP Posted on her own page, with some of the same info but also more detail: Title: Baby is here: Well honestly she’s been here for a bit but still a newb at life. She was born with a head full of black hair, 6 pounds 2 ounces and was alert from the very start. I made an update on true of my chest but making a small one here just in case it gets taken down. Cps has been called numerous times, and came out for a few visits. Everything from I was living in filth, to I was leaving the baby home alone, to that I was addicted to meth has been said and investigated and proved wrong. I did leave the state, and that got his foot in the door for an emergency custody battle which will be coming up soon. The protective order was a joke and has been unhelpful. The man showed up to the hospital while I was in labor but thankfully the hospital staff handled it perfectly. The cops not so much, but didn’t expect it. I think his parents are the biggest push in the custody thing but I don’t think he’ll get granted more than a few supervised visits. My main concern is if that happens his grandparents going after grandparent rights. To protect their reputation it’s highly likely they will. Unfortunately I don’t have an update on his girlfriend. But I did keep the dogs aka the gruesome twosome and I think they love the little one just as much as I do. Thank you all for still caring and messaging/checking in months later. It means more then I can say Relevant Comments: Commenter: How did he find out you were in labor so he could show up at the hospital? Do you have a mole feeding him info? OOP: I’m assuming so yes, most likely a coworker or at least that is my best guess. Commenter: [why they have a claim to emergency custody] I think they probably tried to file for emergency custody claiming that she was "kidnapping" the baby by moving out of state OOP: Exactly what happened- they said kidnapping/fleeing the state. From what I understand from my lawyer that won’t hold but I am required to do a paternity test since he’s not on her birth certificate. Why he gets this chance I have no clue. It’s exhausting and I think it’s a control/scare tactic to keep his family happy. Going to use this comment to just add in two other questions from this post that I can’t find- Someone mentioned an AirTag. I called a garage explained the situation they’re going to have me drop It off and go over it with a fine tooth comb so if the person that mentioned that is reading this- a big big thank you. As for the coworkers/someone leaking information I’ve stayed silent ever since. Finally I cannot get them in trouble with false accusations with cps because they’re making anonymous reports. I know it’s them, my lawyer knows it’s them, heck at this point the caseworker’s probably know it’s them but legally it’s anonymous and they’ll just decline saying/reporting anything. Pictures of his destruction: Thank you so so much! I have not kept the pictures personally but my lawyer has them, police documents, the texts, the voicemails. I couldn’t physically keep them in my home because I would look at them over and over again trying to figure out what I missed, where it went wrong, what I could have done to prevent it. It made my mental health spiral. Neither one of us (lawyer and I) believe that he has a chance when it comes to custody but neither one of us thought he’d get his foot in the door as far as he has either. Right now it’s focusing on the baby, the dogs, and keeping my physical/mental health in a good place. So thankful for Reddit and everyone that checks in because it’s been therapeutic in a way. OOP Posts in Dad for a Minute: September 6, 2024 In all reality I need some dad advice. Life has been hectic, crazy, scary, defeating, I’m still going and keeping my head up because I just had a baby and wont let her down. A kind redditor sent me over here because I’m looking at most importantly the safest but also the easiest way to sell things online. Every place seems to have its downfall- eBay seems like the best, but I’m unsure. Craigslist seems simple fast easy but scammers and the meeting someone online (where’s the best place to meet? Is cash best? Should I take a friend?) makes me question my sanity. A gaming store seems hopeful and the safest but I’ve also heard they’ll give you bottom dollar for anything you can bring in. This is jumbled and a mess but if you see this and have any kind, helpful so desperately needed dad advice I need it. A dad joke wouldn’t hurt either. submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/ThrowRAsisterseye Originally posted to r/relationship_advice BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3 [New Update] - My, 28f, fiancee 29m, wants me to put his family before mine, even at the expense of my families health. Editor’s Note: Changed initials to names based on OOP’s latest updates for readability. And also removed some relevant comments as they have been covered in the newer updates NEW UPDATES MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: abuse, medical surgery, psychological abuse, misogyny, assault, severe head trauma RECAP Original Post: October 25, 2023 Throwaway as my work friends are on my main and they dont know this is going on. Also, obligatory that this is on mobile so spelling and grammar will be poo. This is a long one, but I'll try and keep it as short as possible. I, 28f got engaged to my partner of 7 years Rob, 29m in May. Both sides of our family were really happy about this and we had a big family meal 2 weeks after getting engaged. His brother lives 250 miles away and couldn't get here for that meal so we decided to have a meal just for his family in late June when his brother would be back for the weekend, this weekend was arranged long before we got engaged so he wasn't back just for the meal. Earlier this year my sister Kim 32f, got a serious eye infection that very quickly turned into an Ulcer, which scarred her cornea and left it at a high risk of a perforation. She needed a corneal graft, but her surgeon was away for 4 weeks so she was going to have to wait until he got back to have it. However, her eye didn't hold and it perforated the day I was supposed to be going to the family meal with Rs brother. Kim's wife was at work and had her phone turned off and our mum was away with our step dad, so when Kim called me to let me know what was happening I knew she would be at the hospital on her own. I immediately talked to my boss and he let me go early so Kim wasn't on her own. I text Rob to let him know what was going on and he text me back to send Kim his love and to remind me about the meal that night. I ignored the comment about the meal as it was the last thing on my mind. Once I got to the hospitaI, I was taken back into a room where Kim was, to be greeted by 3 doctors and 2 nurses rushing around trying to help Kim. I was then informed that she needed to have an emergency operation to have her eye glued or else she would lose it. The problem was that they didn't have a surgeon at that hospital that could do it and she needed to go to another hospital and hour and a half away. They asked if she would need transportation or if I could take her, I said I would take her. Once we got to the other hospital we were told that she would be having the operation at 5:30pm. I knew then that I wouldn't make the dinner and text Rob to let him know. He flipped out and basically told me to leave Kim at the hospital and have her wife pick her up after the op was done, at this point I still hadn't be able to get ahold of Kim's wife. I told him that wasn't going to happen and that he was out of order to even ask me to do that. I then text his mum and told her what was going on. She was really supportive and told me to stay with Kim and let her know how the op goes. A dinner can be rescheduled, Kim's health can't. I also spoke with his brother who was equally as understanding. I stayed with Kim, her operation was a sucess and I got her back home about 9pm. Her wife had ordered some Chinese and offered me some, which I happily accepted as I hadn't eaten since lunch. With that I didn't get home till about 11pm ans Rob was already asleep. Rob was very short with me for days after and we eneded up having a huge fight where he told me that I should have put his brother and family before Kim. He said he was embarrassed going to the meal without me. I responded that I was embarrassed he though I would put a meal before my sisters health. This led to another week of awkwardness between us before we finally sat down and we sorted it out, or so I thought. 8 weeks ago Kim got her graft and so far everything is going really well with it. On Saturday his brother was here so we went out for dinner with his family. His family were all asking about how Kim was doing and I showed them a picture of the stitches in her eye. I thought that everything had gone really well untill we got home and he got really angry saying that I shouldn't have brought up Kim's health issues and I shouldn't have shown them the picture. I argued that they'd asked about her and asked to see the picture. It ended with him telling me that I needed to put him and his family before Kim or else we weren't going to work. His family will come before mine once we are married so I should get used to it. I went upstairs and packed a bag. I'm now at my mums house and he's been bombarding me with text and calls since I left. I do love him, but I will never put his family above my own families health. I feel like he's expecting me to spend every holiday with his family and put their wants above my familes needs, which won't happen. I'm very close to my sister and my mum, that's not going to change. So I don't really know how to move forward or if I even want to Has anyone experience anything like this before? If so, how did you deal with it? TLDR; My fiancee got mad that I missed a dinner with his family because my sister needed emergency surgery and I was the only one available to take her. He is now insisting that I put his family before my own. I dont know how to move forward with him. Edit; For some reason it won't let me do a full Update post even on my own page so I'm just going to add it to here. Thank you so much for everyone that commented, I replied to as many as I could but I read all of them. Warning, this is going to be longer than the original post, alot has happened. Tldr; For thoes that just want a quick update, I left him and he's out of my house. His mum is seriously pissed at him and his brother has gone no contact with him for the foreseeable future. For thoes that want a longer version. Once I'd decided to end things with him, I knew that the main issue would be getting him out of my house. I own the house outright, my grandma died 5 years ago and left her house to my mum, who sold it and split the money between me and my sister. I then bought my house with that money about a year after she died. I got intouch with my stepdads friend, who is a landlord the day after I wrote my original post, who then put me intouch with his solicitor. He didn't have time to see me in person that day, but we did have a phone call where he gave me my options. In the UK we have something called a section 8 notice. This is a 14 day eviction notice and the solicitor said this would be the quickest way to get him out, however he could try and contest it if he wanted too which would lead to court dates and could take months. I asked him to draw up the notice and date it for Friday, the next day. I'd already made the decision to end things with him after work on Friday, so that he could have the weekend to sort through his emotions before work on Monday. On Friday morning I text Rob and asked him to meet with me at our local pub after work. He quickly agreed. Not only is the pub a public space, but my stepdad and a few of his work friends go in there every Friday after work for a few pints so I knew he would be there to step in if I needed him. Thank you for suggesting this redditors. I also picked up the eviction notice on my lunch break so I was ready to give it to him. Cost £250 but was worth it. When I got to the pub, Rob was already there and my stepdad was stood at the bar with his work mates. I sat down with Rob and got straight to the point. I told him that it was over, I couldn't be with someone who didn't give me any support when I was going through one of the scariest moments of my life and expected me to drop my family for his. It didn't matter what excuses he could come up with, I wasn't interested, I'd made up my mind and we were done. He stared at me in shock for what felt like and hour, but was probably only a minute or so. He then started saying I couldn't be serious, we'd been together for 7 years and I was throwing it all away, I could never find another guy like him. I responded to the last comment with, I dont want a guy like you that's why I'm ending it. I need someone who's will support me when times get tough, not get annoyed that the world isn't bowing down to what he wants. I then handed him an envelope with the eviction notice in and my engagement ring. I told him I was giving him a few weeks to find a place and be out of my house. Then I stood up and walked over to my stepdad, who had bought me a much needed drink and stayed with him until my ex left still looking in shock. I knew he wouldn't approach me whilst I was with my stepdad as he has always been a little scared of him. This is obviously a very condensed version of what happened. Once I got back to my mum's house, I had a 1 single text from him saying he wasn't moving out and was going to contest the eviction until I'd come to my senses and got back with him. WE ARE NOT OVER, was how he ended the text. I just turned my phone off and decided to deal with the legal side of things on Monday, there was nothing else I could do. Saturday morning I woke up and turned my phone back on and had another text from him saying that he would move out if I paid him £10,000 as that's what he'd paid towards bills whilst he had lived at the house. He paid for half the electric, gas, WiFi and Sky package. Note, the sky package is only as expensive as it is because he has to have every sports channel known to man, so his half literally just paid for the sports channel's. I'd already asked the solicitor about this though and he'd assured me that I didn't owe him any money as he hadn't contributed to a mortgage or any renovations of the house, it was just general expenses. He also knew that I dont have £10,000 just lying around. Lets say I was irritated by this and decided to ring his mum to see if she could talk some sense into him. I'll call his mum Sandra to make it easier. She was appalled by what I told her and said she would speak to him. She called me back about an hour later and asked me to meet her at the house. Rob was on an away day to watch his football team play and wouldn't be back till about 10pm so I knew he wasn't there. I met her at the house with Kim, and Sandra said that Rob's brother was on his way back home and they would have Rob out by the following afternoon. She hadn't even spoken to Rob, just his brother, but she promised he would be out. Sandra then asked me to walked her through the house showing her exactly what was his and what wasnt so he didn't take anything that didnt belong to him. The next morning I got a text from Rob calling me all the names under the sun for getting his mum and brother involved. I blocked him and a couple of hours later Sandra text me to let me know he was out and staying with her. I thanked her and she told me that she would like to stay in contact and I happily agreed to this. I went back to my house after work on Monday, changed the alarm code and my stepdad changed all the locks for me. My stepdad is also arranging for a friend of his to install cameras around the outside of the house, this will be done over the weekend. Sandra rang me on Tuesday asking if we could meet up as she had some things she wanted me to know. So we met for lunch that day. It was at this time that she told me her ex was a controlling ahole who was incredibly selfish and the selfishness was what she had seen in Rob for so long. Thats why she had commented on him being like his father, but she had hoped that was the extent of Rob's attitude and he hadnt picked up his dad's controlling behaviour, which to be fair, he hadnt up until this whole episode. She had left Rob's dad after he had punched Rob's brother in the face when he was 14 and Rob was 10. He had never layed a hand on her or their sons before, but one time was enough and she left with the boys. To her knowledge her ex had never reached out to speak to Rob or his brother and they hadn't spoken to their father in years. I didn't know any of this, all I had been told was that their dad wasnt in the picture and hadn't been for a long time, but Sandra had thought I knew and that's why she hadn't told me before. However she had found out on Sunday night that Rob was back in contact with his father and had been for the past year. His dad had been putting lots of thoughts into Rob's head about how he is the man of the house and his family is all that matters. This had fed into Rob's selfish tendencies and had amplified them ten fold. Sandra said that she had told him to find somewhere else to stay asap as she couldn't even look him in the face. Then Rob and his brother had a huge argument that ended with his brother telling him that as long as Rob is intouch with their dad, then he will have zero contact with him. Even going so far as to tell him to spend Christmas with their dad because Sandra is going to his house and Rob isn't welcome. When Sandra took Rob's brothers side in all this, Rob flew into a rage and said he would move in with his dad. He then left the house, but came back a couple of hours later looking like hed been crying. Turns out, that his dad doesnt want him living with him and basically said he could be on the streets for all he cares, he's not putting a roof over a grown man's head. Sandra thinks that Rob is now starting to realise everything he has lost due to him listening to his dad and has seen his dad's true colours. Sandra is incredibly disappointed in him, but he's her son so she is trying to be there for him as best as she can, however she still wants him out as she doesn't trust him anymore. His brother still won't have anything to do with him. She has also told him to stay the hell away from me as I don't need to be brought into this and he has promised her that he will. Only time will tell if that's true, but I do have him blocked on everything and if he turns upto the house I will just call the police to get rid of him. The more Sandra told me about what had been going ok behind my back, the more resolute I have become about wanting nothing to do with him. I never want to see him again, if I can help it. So all in all Rob's life is a shit show, but as long as he stays away from me then I don't care. I've been spending alot of time with my sister and her wife as well and my mum and stepdad which has been great. I've never really been close to my stepdad, but this has brought us alot closer together which has been one huge positive out of all this. I'm not exactly happy right now, but I'll get there. There's still alot of feelings that I need to unpackand it will take time to move on from this whole situation. I dont think I will be dating for a while, I need to really get over all this and don't want to dump this on anyone else right now. For all thoes asking how Kim is doing, she's doing great. Had a hospital appointment on Monday and her consultant said her eye is healing, in his words, marvelously, so that's a relief. Thank you to everyone that reached out to me. I hope there won't be any need to update this again, so this should be my final update.   For telling my ex that it's not my fault that he's homeless.: November 26, 2023 So I 28f posted on relationship advice before about my now ex 29m. The post and update is in my profile, but basically my ex fiance wanted me to put his family before mine even at the cost of my sisters health. I ended up breaking up with him over it and he was forced to move in with his mum, who then found out that he had been intouch with his abusive dad who was twisting his view on how a relationship should work. Last I heard was that his mum was kicking him out as she would not have anyone in her house that was in contact with her ex and that he had tried to go live with his dad, but his dad had refused. I was completely NC with him, so his mum was the one that had told me this. I'll call my ex Rob and exs mum Sandra to make things easier. I hadn't heard from Rob in weeks, but yesterday he showed up at my house. I had the chain on my door so opened it with that still attached, no way would I let him in. He basically told me that he had no where to live. His mum isn't speaking to him and his dad won't put a roof over a grown man's head, his words not mine. He asked if I would take him back or at least let him live with me. No way in hell would I get back with him and getting him out the first time only went easy because his mum stepped in to help. He had threatened to take me to court knowing that if he did it could take months to get him out and then said he would only move if I gave him £10,000. I contacted his mum, who was furious about that and she turned up with his brother and forced him out. I told him that there was zero possibility of him ever living with me again and that we were 100% over. He started shouting at me and calling me all sorts of names, so I threatened to call the police if he didn't leave and shut the door. I have cameras all over my house so I caught everything he did and said on camera and have saved it to a USB just incase. He then went crying to all our mutual friends and it managed to get back to his mum. She called me and asked what happened, I told her and she then informed me that she had put her house up for sale and was moving 300 miles away to be nearer her other son. Her and Rob had a huge argument about this and she finally kicked him out. Since then he's been couch surfing, but with Christmas coming up, his friends aren't really happy with having him on their couches when they have kids and are meant to be enjoying the festive season. He's been kicked out of 3 friends houses in 10 days. She told me I was right to refuse him, but I've since had other friends say that they feel sorry for them, and that I can just let him stay in my spare room until he's back on his feet. I then asked them to put him up, but they said they would but don't have room and if they had a spare room like me then they would let him stay. My family and his are on my side, but I'm starting to doubt myself with what a couple of my friends have said. So Reddit, AITA? EDIT; Just a quick edit as I'm going to bed. I've just spoken with the wife of one of Rob's friends and she's asked to meet me on my lunch break tomorrow. Apparently, Rob stayed with them for 2 nights before she kicked him out and there's more going on than what I know of. She's going to tell me the full story tomorrow, but told me that I shouldn't let him anywhere near me and that he's staying in a b&b so he does at least have a roof over his head right now. I'll try and update after I've spoken to her.   Update: November 27, 2023 So I posted yesterday about my ex turning up at my house wanting for me to let him move back in with me. I said no, but a couple of friends thought I should let him and that messed with my head. Rob is my ex. A few people told me to change my lock etc. I did that and changed my alarm code as well as my step dad got his friend to put up 4 cameras around my house. I'm also going to start shutting the gate so that no one can walk upto the house without ringing the bell there first. I put in an Edit that I was going to me meeting with one of Rob’s friends wives, for lunch today and I have to say that it was informative for sure. I'll call her Nat, 30f and her husband Zack, 29m. So I went to meet her on my lunch break at a cafe near my work. It's a place that alot of my coworkers go to and I know the staff there as well. A few redditors thought that she might bring Rob with her so I wanted it to be somewhere I feel comfortable and have back up if needed. Turns out that I didn't need to bother about that. When I got to the Cafe Nat was there on her own. I grabbed some lunch and a drink and sat with her. We went throught the usual small talk before she started telling me what had been going on. Rob rang Zack on Thursday morning saying he had no where to go and could he stay with them for a few days. Zack spoke to Nat and they agree he could stay in their guest room. Rob went to their house after work and they had a long talk where Rob told them he has a flat lined up, but can't move in till January. Zack and Nat agreed to let him live with them untill January as long as he followed some basic rules and paid for his own food. The rules were things like, no bringing women back there and if he went out drinking he had to be quiet when he got back so he didn't wake their daughter who's 6. He agreed to all this and paid for a Chinese for them all that night. The next day after work Rob went to meet his dad in the pub for a few pints. When Zack and Nat went to bed Rob still wasn't home. They were woken up at about 2 in the morning by Rob arguing with a woman. Apparently, Rob had met this woman in a bar, took her back to Zack and Nat house, got his pleasure and then told her to get dressed and fuck off once he was done. She had gotten angry, which started an argument where Rob was saying some horrific shit to her. Nat took the woman down stairs and got her a taxi, whilst Zack stayed upstairs arguing with Rob. Once Nat had got rid of the woman she went back upstairs and tried to calm Zack and Rob down. At this point Rob decided to take out his frustrations on Nat, calling her a bitch and telling her to do something useful and make him a sandwich before bursting out laughing like he'd made he funniest joke ever. This made Zack lost it and pinned Rob to the wall by his throat. Side note, Rob isn't a fighter at all where as Zack was a amateur boxer in his youth and can handle himself well. Nat managed to get Zack to let him go and Rob was shoved in the guest room and told to sleep off he alcohol. Its a miracle that Nat’s daughter didn't wake up during this. The next morning Nat got their daughter ready and went to her mums after telling Zack to get Rob out of their house. Zack agreed and after Nat left he woke Rob up and told him to pack his shit and leave. Rob tried to apologise and begged to stay but Zack was having none of it and kicked him out. Going off the timing, I think he left there and came straight to my house. On Sunday Zack text Rob to meet up so that they could speak and they met up in a pub. Zack has been friends with Rob since they were 11 and has never seen him act like he has been doing so he wanted to find out what was really going on. He managed to finally get the truth out of Rob. Basically, Rob has been in contact with his dad for a lot longer than he told us, by this point its over 2 years. His dad is a raging misogynist that believes a woman's place is in the kitchen and bedroom. A man's place is to rule the house and be waited on hand a foot as well as deciding who can ans can't be in their lives. He's been dripping this poison into Rs ear and it's really taken a hold of him. Zack told Nat that he just doesn't recognise Rob anymore. Rob wants to start living his life the way his father has told him he should. When Zack pointed out that Rob’s dad is 62, living in a shitty one bedroom flat, not had a real relationship since Rs mum left him, has no friends, his family doesn't speak to him and that he's the type of guy that when he walks into a pub people finish their pints so they can leave and get away from him, Rob was furious. He told Zack that his dad is just misunderstood. Zack responded that people understood his dad and that's why they stayed away from him, he's Toxic. This pretty much ended their conversation and Rob left. Zack did find out that Rob does have a flat lined up for January, so that was true and that he's found a b&b he can stay in till the flat is ready at a minimal cost. Zack and Nat have also decided to go NC with Rob as they don't need that toxicity around them, but especially not around their daughter. A few redditors had said it sounded like Rob was on drugs, so I asked Nat what she thought and she doesn't think so but can't be sure. She and Zack think that Rob is just so far under his dad's thumb now that he's completely changed as a person. He believes that everything his dad says is gospel. She did let me know that Rob has a burner IG account that he is using to check on my IG and I immediately made my account private. He had said something about seeing me waist money on a stupid amount of Christmas presents when I couldn't even help him out to Zack on Sunday. I'd been to a Christmas Market on Saturday afternoon and had posted pics on IG. All of this just made my resolve stronger that he will not be getting anywhere near my house again. It also made me realise that I dont have any feeling for him any more other than frustration at how he's acting and some sadness at how far he's fallen from the man I once knew. I thought that hearing he had another woman in his bed would annoy me, but there was just nothing, I couldn't have cared less. I thanked Nat for the info and we agreed to keep intouch. We won't be as close as we were when I was with Rob but it feels good to have someone who knows the entire situation and has seen Rob’s behaviour with his own eyes. There were also some redditors that told me to ditch the friends that had told me to let him stay with me. Unfortunately, I can't ditch them completely as they're part of the friend group and that would just cause unnecessary drama, but I will be keeping my distance from them and only talking to them when part of the group. I'm currently at my sisters and we are going to watch a Christmas film to get us in the mood to decorate all our house's this weekend, so I will be on and off for the next few hours if anyone has any questions. Thanks for the votes and giving me some perspective. Reddit isn't all bad.   For anyone that's still around: December 19, 2023 Still have people reaching out to see if I'm OK. A few hated me just using initials so R is Rob. I really hoped that I wouldn't have to update again, but I've just had a call from one of Robs friends and it looks like he's going to be spending Christmas in prison. Apparently, he went out on Saturday night with his dad and they got into an argument which turned physical. Rob isn't a fighter however he is bigger and stronger than his dad and it ended with his dad falling backwards and hitting his head off a wall knocking him unconscious. The staff in the pub called the police and an ambulance, but Rob left before they got there. Rob's dad had to go to hospital, where he still is. I'm unsure off his exact injuries, but they're not life threatening. He must also be awake as he is pressing charges against Rob, however they won't keep him in unless absolutely essential at this time of year. Rob was arrested on Sunday morning at the B&B he's been staying at and had to appear in Magistrates Court on Monday. Due to him not having a fixed address right now and the fact that his dad is still in hospital he has been remanded on a section 18 with intent. Unless he can find permanent address to go to then he won't be getting out untill his trial at Crown Court. I know his mum is already at his brothers over 250 miles away so I don't think she will be able to help right now. Finding this out has actually given me a sense of peace right now. I've been trying to ignore it, but the chance of him turning up and spoling Christmas has been at the back of my mind ever since he turned up at my house. I'm hoping he stays in over Christmas so that I can just relax. OOP on Section 18 in her area OOP: Section 18 is an assault charge, a section 18 with intent is the next level up and is classed as intending to and causing grievous bodily harm to someone. I've been told that if found guilty, then it's usually a multiple year prison sentence. Another mini update: December 23, 2023 I went round to N and Z, here by known as Nat and Zack, to drop off a present for their daughter, a bottle of Bells for Zack and a bottle of Prosecco for Nat for Christmas and had a cup of tea with them whilst they filled me in on what's going on. Rob will be in over Christmas, but will likely get out early January. His lawyer is trying to get the charges reduced from section 18 with intent to a section 20. I only found out today that a Section 18 with intent is one step down from attempted murder and you're looking at double digits in prison if you get found guilty. Section 20 is a lot less severe and is usually a 2 year suspended sentence for first-time offenders, which he is. His lawyer has said that if he pleads guilty to the section 20 then CPS will lower the charges to get this one over and done with asap as the courts are ridiculously backed up in the UK right now and prisons are full. Zack went to the B&B he was staying at and got Robs stuff which is now sat in his garage as one last favour to Rob, Zacks words. He can't get in touch with me without my consent whilst he is locked away. The prison literally has to ring me and ask if it is ok that I get put on his approved call list and only then is he allowed to ring me, which won't be happening. I've also spoken to his mum, who has basically washed her hand of him for the time being. She thinks that he needs to learn his lesson and maybe spending Christmas in a cell will teach him how much he's lost the plot. She has spoken to him and said that he's now saying the right things, but only time will tell if he means them. He is talking about moving to be near his brother to get away from their dad so maybe he has seen the light. His brother has refused to go onto his call list, so Rob can't contact him, so I don't know how that will work. As for his dad, he is still in hospital with a broken hip and has had to have surgery to fix it. The broken bone and head injury is why the charges are so high right now. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, knowing he can't ruin my Christmas. I'm just about to pack everything into the car and go and stay at my mums untill January 2nd, but thought I'd finish the year off letting everyone who's helped me and supported me through this know whats going on. Merry Christmas to everyone that celebrates it and hope everyone is doing well.   Final Update: April 13, 2024 Hi all, Sorry its been a while since my last update, but i wanted everything to be finished before I updated again. Rob spent Christmas on remand in prison. He didn't get out until the second week of January and that was only because his mum agreed to let him stay with her again. He had his plea hearing the first week of February, where he pleaded guilty to a section 20 assault. He then had to wait until last week to get his sentencing court date. I didn't know how much actually goes into sentencing. They had to get a victim impact statement, a pre sentencing report from probation, statements from his mum and brother. His barrister even reached out to me to give a statement saying that we had broken up and I'd asked him to leave the house. He used our break up as an extenuating circumstance, saying that because of the break up of our relationship and him losing his home, that had seriously impacted him mental health. The statements from his mum and brother also confirmed that he had lived in an abusive home when he was young, so he claimed he had ptsd because of that. These were all read out at his sentencing. He was going to get 3 years, but the judge knocked time off for pleading guilty and for mitigating circumstances. That left him with a 16 month sentence that was suspended for 18 months. As part of the conditions for his release, he isn't allowed anywhere near his dad, he has to go to counselling for his supposed ptsd and he isn't allowed to drink alcohol. He even has an ankle monitor on that tests his sweat every half an hour for alcohol and will alert probation if he gets a positive result. Luckily for him his boss has let him go and work at their main location in the city thats half an hour away from here and probation were happy for him to live there as well. He moved into a flat there this week, so I don't have to worry about running into him. I haven't spoken to him at all and I dont want too. He has tried reaching out through a coupke of friends, but they've respected my decision and told him to move on with his life. However, I did speak to his mum yesterday and she said that she thinks he's depressed, but so far he's doing OK. She's the one I got all of this information from. Its a strange mix of emotion for me towards him as I still care on some level, just not enough to keep him in my life. I know I need to keep him away from me as I can never see him like I did at this time last year. Its crazy to think that its only been a year since we got engaged. So much has happened. Other than thoes mixed emotions, I'm doing well. I've been hanging out with my sister and her wife alot more as well as catching up with friends. I'm still working at the same place and I don't see that changing anytime soon. For the people asking about my sister, she's doing good. She had a set back last month but she seems to be over that now and has just been approved to have some form of newish stem cell treatment at the UKs biggest eye hospital. Which is fab news. She tried to explain it to me but it involves them taking her blood and putting it into her eye which grossed me out so l told her to stop. However, because she's my sister she then sent me pictures of what they do and mum had to step in and tell her to stop. No matter how old we get, I dont think we will ever stop trying to annoy each other. So all in all, I think we're all moving on with life. Unless there's something big happen then this should be my last post. I really want to thank everyone for their kind words and support. This has restored my faith that there are still good people out there.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Rumours: June 30, 2024 (2 months later) Hi all, I really hoped I wouldn't have to come back, but I've had several DMs on this account saying that a Tiktok video is claiming that I'm back with my ex. I dont have Tiktok so I haven't seen it, but that's 100% not true. I haven't seen or spoken to him since my last update. As far as I'm aware he's still living in the city half an hour away and is doing OK. I'm not really interested to be honest. Robs mum has accepted an offer on her house and has moved in with his brother untill she can finalise the purchase of her house and find a flat she likes. Everyone else is doing well, my sister the same and her eye is still healing. She's got some new glasses and says her vison is now nearly back to normal so that's good. My sister and seven other family and friends went out to Germany for Englands first game which was alot of fun. Other than that, I've just been woking and finding my new normal. Please don't listen to anything said about this on Tiktok, YouTube or anywhere else. I will not be getting back with Rob, thay ship has sailed off the edge of a cliff. Relevant Comments Has Rob reached out to OOP? OOP: He was informed that I didn't want to speak to him and wanted to be left alone and he's respected that, thankfully. I just want us both to move on now.   Latest Update here: BoRU #5   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Motor_Economics_721, account now suspended Originally posted to r/AITAH AITA For Telling My Wife She Doesn't Look Good At Her Current Weight? Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability Trigger Warnings: eating disorder, emotional distress, mental health struggles Original Post: August 3, 2024 34M. I know it sounds bad but please hear me out before you call me the asshole. My wife (33F) had a baby girl seven months ago, and I'm deeply concerned about her health. Some context is that my wife has a long history with anorexia, and was hospitalized for the eating disorder twice. The first time was in high school and the second time was in law school. I met my wife in college, and so I saw her go through it the second time, and it was terrifying. Basically, what my wife told me is that it isn't about weight or looking a certain way for her. She got sick the first time after her mother died suddenly, and obsessing so much about her weight keeps her mind off the things that were actually bothering her. Before we had our daughter, my wife was doing much better. She ate a normal amount, worked out a few times a week, and didn't weigh herself or make efforts to lose weight. Here's the crux of the current problem. My wife decided to take a year off work to be with the baby. Initially, I thought this was a good idea, but now I think it was a huge mistake. She's home alone with the child all day and has all the time in the world to think about "losing the baby weight." When my wife first told me she wanted to lose the baby weight, I figured it was a normal response to having a baby since your body changes so much. But then I noticed the weight was coming off really quickly and she's now probably twenty pounds skinner than she was before having the baby. I've noticed a lot of really strange habits. She cooks lavish meals for me and bakes all the time but refuses to eat carbs during the week and makes herself a different dinner. She's obsessed with fitness influencers and has started rewatching "the Biggest Loser" for the first time in years. A few months ago I checked her Fitbit, and realized she was moving at least ten miles per day which is crazy considering she was with an infant. I asked my wife about this, and she said she just likes going on walks with the baby and running on the treadmill helps her ease stress from being with the baby all day. She's since suffered from a stress fracture in her ankle and SOBBED when she found out she wouldn't be able to run anymore for a few months. She seems to be compensating by eating even less. I've had multiple conversations with my wife expressing concern, but she insists she's just taking care of her body and she has more time to workout now that she's on maternity leave. Whenever I ask if she's okay or suggest she talk to a therapist, she gets defensive and says I'm being over protective. A few weeks ago we went to my parents house for dinner and my mother looked visibly shocked when she saw my wife. She pulled me aside, and told me my wife looks sick. In addition to basically being skin and bones at this point, she's she's cold all the time, her fingers are blue, and her hair is falling out. It's clear she's not well, but she refuses to acknowledge there's a problem or that any of her habits are unhealthy. Anyways, last weekend was our anniversary. My parents took the baby and we went and stayed downtown for a few nights. We don't have many opportunities for sex with the new baby, so it's something we haven't done in a while. My wife tried to initiate it, but she looked so frail that I actually got a bit teary because all I could think about was how she's sick and clearly suffering. I told my wife she's way too skinny and needs to see a therapist because I'm worried sick about her. My wife, once again, accused me of being overprotective and said there was nothing wrong with exercising and wanting to look good after having a baby. I told her she didn't look good at her current weight, and that everyone was worried about her. When I said she didn't "look good", I meant that it's clear she isn't healthy, but this comment really upset my wife. She was crying, and saying I wasn't attracted to her anymore. I told her I was concerned and begged her to tell me what's bothering her so much that she needs to starve herself, and she basically asked why she'd tell me after I told her she didn't look good. My wife has shut down even more, and won't have a real conversation with me. AITA for making that comment? I'm worried I've made things worse. AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Comments Lawgirl0831: Hi! I'm so sorry your wife is struggling. It's really common for women to relapse with their eating disorders after having a baby. As much as your wife denies it, that is what is happening. If she won't see an individual therapist, maybe ask if you can go to couples' counseling? Maybe that person can convince her she needs to see a specialist for her eating disorder. You shouldn't have said she didn't look good because it probably confirmed what she was already thinking, but you're wife's illness is the bigger issue here. Good luck Snakeinyourgarden: NTA She has a serious medical problem and needs to see a professional. No way to sugarcoat this - what she’s doing is unhealthy, damaging and frankly puts your baby at risk. Mom can faint from lack of calories and fatigue and drop the baby.   Update: August 4, 2024 Hi everyone, I want to thank everyone for their kind words and suggestions. Given I scared a lot of you (sorry), I thought I owed you an update given my wife and I have come to a sort of resolution. I was really struggling with the right approach to this issue, and many of you confirmed my instincts that I needed to get my wife to a hospital ASAP. I got really freaked out reading your comments + doing my own research and realizing how deadly my wife's illness really is. To be honest I was in denial about how bad it really was for a while (maybe I desperately wanted to believe she was okay), but now it's so obvious to everyone that my wife has relapsed. I ended up calling my father-in-law shortly after I posted on Friday and expressed that I'm deeply concerned about my wife's safety and need help getting through to her. He's an amazing dad, and was on an airplane that night (he's about an hour flight away). My father-in-law and I had a long talk with my wife about how worried we are and how it's clear to everyone that she's not taking care of herself. My wife was angry and resistant at first, but my father-in-law made a comment about how hard it was for her to grow up without her mom, and how none of us would ever want that for our daughter. My wife still insisted she was fine, but it was at least enough to convince her to go in for a checkup. She also admitted for the first time that she's also experiencing dizziness and a fluttery heart, which obviously really upset me. Luckily, given her history + the severity of some of her symptoms, we were able to get her in right away. Without getting into too many details, my wife has since been checked into an in-patient program not too far from where we live. I am experiencing a lot of conflicting emotions. On one hand, I am relieved she's finally getting help and I think she'll be okay since she's successfully overcome this twice before. Also, now that we have a daughter, I know she'll be more motivated than ever to recover from this. On the other hand, I'm obviously devastated that she's in so much pain and I'm disappointed in myself that I didn't intervene sooner. I'm obviously worried sick about her and don't want her to suffer. She was emotional and crying when we left yesterday night because she didn't want to be without me or our daughter. It was terrible leaving her there, but I know it's the right thing to do. My mom has offered to help with the baby while I'm at work, so I have that covered, but I obviously miss my wife and wish she was home. Again, I know it's the right thing to do because the most important thing she can do right now is get the help she needs so she can live a long and hopefully very happy life. Thank you again for your comments, suggestions, and kind words. Some of your comments were honestly difficult to read (especially the ones saying my wife is in serious danger) but you were correct. I also appreciate the many people who commented that they've gone through similar things and have made it through. It gives me hope that my wife will be okay too and can recover from this again. Thank you all so much, your kindness means the world to me. Comments Admirable-Plane-7165: I love that her dad dropped everything to be there for his baby… she’s lucky to have him and you! Sending healing energy BloomNurseRN: Thank you so much for sharing this update. You did the right thing and took the replies to your previous post to heart. It sounds like your wife is finally recognizing she needs help. The postpartum period is already difficult but add in her history with disordered eating and mental health issues, this was a powder keg ready to explode. Hopefully this hospitalization will help her see how important continued mental health care will be for her, potentially for the rest of her life. I hope nothing but the very best for all of you going forward.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/ThrowRAsisterseye Originally posted to r/relationship_advice Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2 [New Update] - My, 28f, fiancee 29m, wants me to put his family before mine, even at the expense of my families health. Editor’s Note: Changed initials to names based on OOP’s latest updates for readability. And also removed some relevant comments as they have been covered in the newer updates NEW UPDATES MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: medical surgery, controlling behavior, attempted extortion, verbal abuse, possible stalking mentions physical abuse of a child, misogyny, emotional abuse and manipulation, assault, severe head trauma RECAP Original Post - October 25, 2023 Throwaway as my work friends are on my main and they dont know this is going on. Also, obligatory that this is on mobile so spelling and grammar will be poo. This is a long one, but I'll try and keep it as short as possible. I, 28f got engaged to my partner of 7 years Rob, 29m in May. Both sides of our family were really happy about this and we had a big family meal 2 weeks after getting engaged. His brother lives 250 miles away and couldn't get here for that meal so we decided to have a meal just for his family in late June when his brother would be back for the weekend, this weekend was arranged long before we got engaged so he wasn't back just for the meal. Earlier this year my sister Kim 32f, got a serious eye infection that very quickly turned into an Ulcer, which scarred her cornea and left it at a high risk of a perforation. She needed a corneal graft, but her surgeon was away for 4 weeks so she was going to have to wait until he got back to have it. However, her eye didn't hold and it perforated the day I was supposed to be going to the family meal with Rs brother. Kim's wife was at work and had her phone turned off and our mum was away with our step dad, so when Kim called me to let me know what was happening I knew she would be at the hospital on her own. I immediately talked to my boss and he let me go early so Kim wasn't on her own. I text Rob to let him know what was going on and he text me back to send Kim his love and to remind me about the meal that night. I ignored the comment about the meal as it was the last thing on my mind. Once I got to the hospitaI, I was taken back into a room where Kim was, to be greeted by 3 doctors and 2 nurses rushing around trying to help Kim. I was then informed that she needed to have an emergency operation to have her eye glued or else she would lose it. The problem was that they didn't have a surgeon at that hospital that could do it and she needed to go to another hospital and hour and a half away. They asked if she would need transportation or if I could take her, I said I would take her. Once we got to the other hospital we were told that she would be having the operation at 5:30pm. I knew then that I wouldn't make the dinner and text Rob to let him know. He flipped out and basically told me to leave Kim at the hospital and have her wife pick her up after the op was done, at this point I still hadn't be able to get ahold of Kim's wife. I told him that wasn't going to happen and that he was out of order to even ask me to do that. I then text his mum and told her what was going on. She was really supportive and told me to stay with Kim and let her know how the op goes. A dinner can be rescheduled, Kim's health can't. I also spoke with his brother who was equally as understanding. I stayed with Kim, her operation was a sucess and I got her back home about 9pm. Her wife had ordered some Chinese and offered me some, which I happily accepted as I hadn't eaten since lunch. With that I didn't get home till about 11pm ans Rob was already asleep. Rob was very short with me for days after and we eneded up having a huge fight where he told me that I should have put his brother and family before Kim. He said he was embarrassed going to the meal without me. I responded that I was embarrassed he though I would put a meal before my sisters health. This led to another week of awkwardness between us before we finally sat down and we sorted it out, or so I thought. 8 weeks ago Kim got her graft and so far everything is going really well with it. On Saturday his brother was here so we went out for dinner with his family. His family were all asking about how Kim was doing and I showed them a picture of the stitches in her eye. I thought that everything had gone really well untill we got home and he got really angry saying that I shouldn't have brought up Kim's health issues and I shouldn't have shown them the picture. I argued that they'd asked about her and asked to see the picture. It ended with him telling me that I needed to put him and his family before Kim or else we weren't going to work. His family will come before mine once we are married so I should get used to it. I went upstairs and packed a bag. I'm now at my mums house and he's been bombarding me with text and calls since I left. I do love him, but I will never put his family above my own families health. I feel like he's expecting me to spend every holiday with his family and put their wants above my familes needs, which won't happen. I'm very close to my sister and my mum, that's not going to change. So I don't really know how to move forward or if I even want to Has anyone experience anything like this before? If so, how did you deal with it? TLDR; My fiancee got mad that I missed a dinner with his family because my sister needed emergency surgery and I was the only one available to take her. He is now insisting that I put his family before my own. I dont know how to move forward with him. Edit; For some reason it won't let me do a full Update post even on my own page so I'm just going to add it to here. Thank you so much for everyone that commented, I replied to as many as I could but I read all of them. Warning, this is going to be longer than the original post, alot has happened. Tldr; For thoes that just want a quick update, I left him and he's out of my house. His mum is seriously pissed at him and his brother has gone no contact with him for the foreseeable future. For thoes that want a longer version. Once I'd decided to end things with him, I knew that the main issue would be getting him out of my house. I own the house outright, my grandma died 5 years ago and left her house to my mum, who sold it and split the money between me and my sister. I then bought my house with that money about a year after she died. I got intouch with my stepdads friend, who is a landlord the day after I wrote my original post, who then put me intouch with his solicitor. He didn't have time to see me in person that day, but we did have a phone call where he gave me my options. In the UK we have something called a section 8 notice. This is a 14 day eviction notice and the solicitor said this would be the quickest way to get him out, however he could try and contest it if he wanted too which would lead to court dates and could take months. I asked him to draw up the notice and date it for Friday, the next day. I'd already made the decision to end things with him after work on Friday, so that he could have the weekend to sort through his emotions before work on Monday. On Friday morning I text Rob and asked him to meet with me at our local pub after work. He quickly agreed. Not only is the pub a public space, but my stepdad and a few of his work friends go in there every Friday after work for a few pints so I knew he would be there to step in if I needed him. Thank you for suggesting this redditors. I also picked up the eviction notice on my lunch break so I was ready to give it to him. Cost £250 but was worth it. When I got to the pub, Rob was already there and my stepdad was stood at the bar with his work mates. I sat down with Rob and got straight to the point. I told him that it was over, I couldn't be with someone who didn't give me any support when I was going through one of the scariest moments of my life and expected me to drop my family for his. It didn't matter what excuses he could come up with, I wasn't interested, I'd made up my mind and we were done. He stared at me in shock for what felt like and hour, but was probably only a minute or so. He then started saying I couldn't be serious, we'd been together for 7 years and I was throwing it all away, I could never find another guy like him. I responded to the last comment with, I dont want a guy like you that's why I'm ending it. I need someone who's will support me when times get tough, not get annoyed that the world isn't bowing down to what he wants. I then handed him an envelope with the eviction notice in and my engagement ring. I told him I was giving him a few weeks to find a place and be out of my house. Then I stood up and walked over to my stepdad, who had bought me a much needed drink and stayed with him until my ex left still looking in shock. I knew he wouldn't approach me whilst I was with my stepdad as he has always been a little scared of him. This is obviously a very condensed version of what happened. Once I got back to my mum's house, I had a 1 single text from him saying he wasn't moving out and was going to contest the eviction until I'd come to my senses and got back with him. WE ARE NOT OVER, was how he ended the text. I just turned my phone off and decided to deal with the legal side of things on Monday, there was nothing else I could do. Saturday morning I woke up and turned my phone back on and had another text from him saying that he would move out if I paid him £10,000 as that's what he'd paid towards bills whilst he had lived at the house. He paid for half the electric, gas, WiFi and Sky package. Note, the sky package is only as expensive as it is because he has to have every sports channel known to man, so his half literally just paid for the sports channel's. I'd already asked the solicitor about this though and he'd assured me that I didn't owe him any money as he hadn't contributed to a mortgage or any renovations of the house, it was just general expenses. He also knew that I dont have £10,000 just lying around. Lets say I was irritated by this and decided to ring his mum to see if she could talk some sense into him. I'll call his mum Sandra to make it easier. She was appalled by what I told her and said she would speak to him. She called me back about an hour later and asked me to meet her at the house. Rob was on an away day to watch his football team play and wouldn't be back till about 10pm so I knew he wasn't there. I met her at the house with Kim, and Sandra said that Rob's brother was on his way back home and they would have Rob out by the following afternoon. She hadn't even spoken to Rob, just his brother, but she promised he would be out. Sandra then asked me to walked her through the house showing her exactly what was his and what wasnt so he didn't take anything that didnt belong to him. The next morning I got a text from Rob calling me all the names under the sun for getting his mum and brother involved. I blocked him and a couple of hours later Sandra text me to let me know he was out and staying with her. I thanked her and she told me that she would like to stay in contact and I happily agreed to this. I went back to my house after work on Monday, changed the alarm code and my stepdad changed all the locks for me. My stepdad is also arranging for a friend of his to install cameras around the outside of the house, this will be done over the weekend. Sandra rang me on Tuesday asking if we could meet up as she had some things she wanted me to know. So we met for lunch that day. It was at this time that she told me her ex was a controlling ahole who was incredibly selfish and the selfishness was what she had seen in Rob for so long. Thats why she had commented on him being like his father, but she had hoped that was the extent of Rob's attitude and he hadnt picked up his dad's controlling behaviour, which to be fair, he hadnt up until this whole episode. She had left Rob's dad after he had punched Rob's brother in the face when he was 14 and Rob was 10. He had never layed a hand on her or their sons before, but one time was enough and she left with the boys. To her knowledge her ex had never reached out to speak to Rob or his brother and they hadn't spoken to their father in years. I didn't know any of this, all I had been told was that their dad wasnt in the picture and hadn't been for a long time, but Sandra had thought I knew and that's why she hadn't told me before. However she had found out on Sunday night that Rob was back in contact with his father and had been for the past year. His dad had been putting lots of thoughts into Rob's head about how he is the man of the house and his family is all that matters. This had fed into Rob's selfish tendencies and had amplified them ten fold. Sandra said that she had told him to find somewhere else to stay asap as she couldn't even look him in the face. Then Rob and his brother had a huge argument that ended with his brother telling him that as long as Rob is intouch with their dad, then he will have zero contact with him. Even going so far as to tell him to spend Christmas with their dad because Sandra is going to his house and Rob isn't welcome. When Sandra took Rob's brothers side in all this, Rob flew into a rage and said he would move in with his dad. He then left the house, but came back a couple of hours later looking like hed been crying. Turns out, that his dad doesnt want him living with him and basically said he could be on the streets for all he cares, he's not putting a roof over a grown man's head. Sandra thinks that Rob is now starting to realise everything he has lost due to him listening to his dad and has seen his dad's true colours. Sandra is incredibly disappointed in him, but he's her son so she is trying to be there for him as best as she can, however she still wants him out as she doesn't trust him anymore. His brother still won't have anything to do with him. She has also told him to stay the hell away from me as I don't need to be brought into this and he has promised her that he will. Only time will tell if that's true, but I do have him blocked on everything and if he turns upto the house I will just call the police to get rid of him. The more Sandra told me about what had been going ok behind my back, the more resolute I have become about wanting nothing to do with him. I never want to see him again, if I can help it. So all in all Rob's life is a shit show, but as long as he stays away from me then I don't care. I've been spending alot of time with my sister and her wife as well and my mum and stepdad which has been great. I've never really been close to my stepdad, but this has brought us alot closer together which has been one huge positive out of all this. I'm not exactly happy right now, but I'll get there. There's still alot of feelings that I need to unpackand it will take time to move on from this whole situation. I dont think I will be dating for a while, I need to really get over all this and don't want to dump this on anyone else right now. For all thoes asking how Kim is doing, she's doing great. Had a hospital appointment on Monday and her consultant said her eye is healing, in his words, marvelously, so that's a relief. Thank you to everyone that reached out to me. I hope there won't be any need to update this again, so this should be my final update.   For telling my ex that it's not my fault that he's homeless. - November 26, 2023 So I 28f posted on relationship advice before about my now ex 29m. The post and update is in my profile, but basically my ex fiance wanted me to put his family before mine even at the cost of my sisters health. I ended up breaking up with him over it and he was forced to move in with his mum, who then found out that he had been intouch with his abusive dad who was twisting his view on how a relationship should work. Last I heard was that his mum was kicking him out as she would not have anyone in her house that was in contact with her ex and that he had tried to go live with his dad, but his dad had refused. I was completely NC with him, so his mum was the one that had told me this. I'll call my ex Rob and exs mum Sandra to make things easier. I hadn't heard from Rob in weeks, but yesterday he showed up at my house. I had the chain on my door so opened it with that still attached, no way would I let him in. He basically told me that he had no where to live. His mum isn't speaking to him and his dad won't put a roof over a grown man's head, his words not mine. He asked if I would take him back or at least let him live with me. No way in hell would I get back with him and getting him out the first time only went easy because his mum stepped in to help. He had threatened to take me to court knowing that if he did it could take months to get him out and then said he would only move if I gave him £10,000. I contacted his mum, who was furious about that and she turned up with his brother and forced him out. I told him that there was zero possibility of him ever living with me again and that we were 100% over. He started shouting at me and calling me all sorts of names, so I threatened to call the police if he didn't leave and shut the door. I have cameras all over my house so I caught everything he did and said on camera and have saved it to a USB just incase. He then went crying to all our mutual friends and it managed to get back to his mum. She called me and asked what happened, I told her and she then informed me that she had put her house up for sale and was moving 300 miles away to be nearer her other son. Her and Rob had a huge argument about this and she finally kicked him out. Since then he's been couch surfing, but with Christmas coming up, his friends aren't really happy with having him on their couches when they have kids and are meant to be enjoying the festive season. He's been kicked out of 3 friends houses in 10 days. She told me I was right to refuse him, but I've since had other friends say that they feel sorry for them, and that I can just let him stay in my spare room until he's back on his feet. I then asked them to put him up, but they said they would but don't have room and if they had a spare room like me then they would let him stay. My family and his are on my side, but I'm starting to doubt myself with what a couple of my friends have said. So Reddit, AITA? EDIT; Just a quick edit as I'm going to bed. I've just spoken with the wife of one of Rob's friends and she's asked to meet me on my lunch break tomorrow. Apparently, Rob stayed with them for 2 nights before she kicked him out and there's more going on than what I know of. She's going to tell me the full story tomorrow, but told me that I shouldn't let him anywhere near me and that he's staying in a b&b so he does at least have a roof over his head right now. I'll try and update after I've spoken to her. Relevant Comments Chemical-Scarcity964: NTA. You are lucky you got out when you did. File for a restraining order (not sure if it's called the same in the UK) as soon as possible. OP: Restraining orders here are ridiculously hard to get. There usually has to be violence involved for one to be issued. I am going to make sure I log everything from now on though.   Update - November 27, 2023 So I posted yesterday about my ex turning up at my house wanting for me to let him move back in with me. I said no, but a couple of friends thought I should let him and that messed with my head. Rob is my ex. A few people told me to change my lock etc. I did that and changed my alarm code as well as my step dad got his friend to put up 4 cameras around my house. I'm also going to start shutting the gate so that no one can walk upto the house without ringing the bell there first. I put in an Edit that I was going to me meeting with one of Rob’s friends wives, for lunch today and I have to say that it was informative for sure. I'll call her Nat, 30f and her husband Zack, 29m. So I went to meet her on my lunch break at a cafe near my work. It's a place that alot of my coworkers go to and I know the staff there as well. A few redditors thought that she might bring Rob with her so I wanted it to be somewhere I feel comfortable and have back up if needed. Turns out that I didn't need to bother about that. When I got to the Cafe Nat was there on her own. I grabbed some lunch and a drink and sat with her. We went throught the usual small talk before she started telling me what had been going on. Rob rang Zack on Thursday morning saying he had no where to go and could he stay with them for a few days. Zack spoke to Nat and they agree he could stay in their guest room. Rob went to their house after work and they had a long talk where Rob told them he has a flat lined up, but can't move in till January. Zack and Nat agreed to let him live with them untill January as long as he followed some basic rules and paid for his own food. The rules were things like, no bringing women back there and if he went out drinking he had to be quiet when he got back so he didn't wake their daughter who's 6. He agreed to all this and paid for a Chinese for them all that night. The next day after work Rob went to meet his dad in the pub for a few pints. When Zack and Nat went to bed Rob still wasn't home. They were woken up at about 2 in the morning by Rob arguing with a woman. Apparently, Rob had met this woman in a bar, took her back to Zack and Nat house, got his pleasure and then told her to get dressed and fuck off once he was done. She had gotten angry, which started an argument where Rob was saying some horrific shit to her. Nat took the woman down stairs and got her a taxi, whilst Zack stayed upstairs arguing with Rob. Once Nat had got rid of the woman she went back upstairs and tried to calm Zack and Rob down. At this point Rob decided to take out his frustrations on Nat, calling her a bitch and telling her to do something useful and make him a sandwich before bursting out laughing like he'd made he funniest joke ever. This made Zack lost it and pinned Rob to the wall by his throat. Side note, Rob isn't a fighter at all where as Zack was a amateur boxer in his youth and can handle himself well. Nat managed to get Zack to let him go and Rob was shoved in the guest room and told to sleep off he alcohol. Its a miracle that Nat’s daughter didn't wake up during this. The next morning Nat got their daughter ready and went to her mums after telling Zack to get Rob out of their house. Zack agreed and after Nat left he woke Rob up and told him to pack his shit and leave. Rob tried to apologise and begged to stay but Zack was having none of it and kicked him out. Going off the timing, I think he left there and came straight to my house. On Sunday Zack text Rob to meet up so that they could speak and they met up in a pub. Zack has been friends with Rob since they were 11 and has never seen him act like he has been doing so he wanted to find out what was really going on. He managed to finally get the truth out of Rob. Basically, Rob has been in contact with his dad for a lot longer than he told us, by this point its over 2 years. His dad is a raging misogynist that believes a woman's place is in the kitchen and bedroom. A man's place is to rule the house and be waited on hand a foot as well as deciding who can ans can't be in their lives. He's been dripping this poison into Rs ear and it's really taken a hold of him. Zack told Nat that he just doesn't recognise Rob anymore. Rob wants to start living his life the way his father has told him he should. When Zack pointed out that Rob’s dad is 62, living in a shitty one bedroom flat, not had a real relationship since Rs mum left him, has no friends, his family doesn't speak to him and that he's the type of guy that when he walks into a pub people finish their pints so they can leave and get away from him, Rob was furious. He told Zack that his dad is just misunderstood. Zack responded that people understood his dad and that's why they stayed away from him, he's Toxic. This pretty much ended their conversation and Rob left. Zack did find out that Rob does have a flat lined up for January, so that was true and that he's found a b&b he can stay in till the flat is ready at a minimal cost. Zack and Nat have also decided to go NC with Rob as they don't need that toxicity around them, but especially not around their daughter. A few redditors had said it sounded like Rob was on drugs, so I asked Nat what she thought and she doesn't think so but can't be sure. She and Zack think that Rob is just so far under his dad's thumb now that he's completely changed as a person. He believes that everything his dad says is gospel. She did let me know that Rob has a burner IG account that he is using to check on my IG and I immediately made my account private. He had said something about seeing me waist money on a stupid amount of Christmas presents when I couldn't even help him out to Zack on Sunday. I'd been to a Christmas Market on Saturday afternoon and had posted pics on IG. All of this just made my resolve stronger that he will not be getting anywhere near my house again. It also made me realise that I dont have any feeling for him any more other than frustration at how he's acting and some sadness at how far he's fallen from the man I once knew. I thought that hearing he had another woman in his bed would annoy me, but there was just nothing, I couldn't have cared less. I thanked Nat for the info and we agreed to keep intouch. We won't be as close as we were when I was with Rob but it feels good to have someone who knows the entire situation and has seen Rob’s behaviour with his own eyes. There were also some redditors that told me to ditch the friends that had told me to let him stay with me. Unfortunately, I can't ditch them completely as they're part of the friend group and that would just cause unnecessary drama, but I will be keeping my distance from them and only talking to them when part of the group. I'm currently at my sisters and we are going to watch a Christmas film to get us in the mood to decorate all our house's this weekend, so I will be on and off for the next few hours if anyone has any questions. Thanks for the votes and giving me some perspective. Reddit isn't all bad. RELEVANT COMMENTS PuddleLilacAgain: The misogyny and abuse probably runs in Rob's family. I wonder if on some level, the son adopts the ways of the father so he will be accepted and loved. Rob's father is probably not capable of love, so if the son acts horribly and is given praise for it, he might misinterpret it as love and finally figures he's getting his father's approval. Just a theory. Who knows what actually goes on in these sick families. Sad... OP: I was talking about this to my sister before, and she said that she thinks he's behaving like he is to get some sort of validation from his dad. I knew that he missed having a dad growing up as we had talked about our shared experience of that, so you are probably right in this regard. I just know that one day he will wake up and realise everything he's lost because of his and his dads actions. I also don't think it helps that he wasn't abused by his dad, his mum and elder brother protected him from it, so his memories of his dad from his younger years are largely positive.   For anyone that's still around - December 19, 2023 Still have people reaching out to see if I'm OK. A few hated me just using initials so R is Rob. I really hoped that I wouldn't have to update again, but I've just had a call from one of Robs friends and it looks like he's going to be spending Christmas in prison. Apparently, he went out on Saturday night with his dad and they got into an argument which turned physical. Rob isn't a fighter however he is bigger and stronger than his dad and it ended with his dad falling backwards and hitting his head off a wall knocking him unconscious. The staff in the pub called the police and an ambulance, but Rob left before they got there. Rob's dad had to go to hospital, where he still is. I'm unsure off his exact injuries, but they're not life threatening. He must also be awake as he is pressing charges against Rob, however they won't keep him in unless absolutely essential at this time of year. Rob was arrested on Sunday morning at the B&B he's been staying at and had to appear in Magistrates Court on Monday. Due to him not having a fixed address right now and the fact that his dad is still in hospital he has been remanded on a section 18 with intent. Unless he can find permanent address to go to then he won't be getting out untill his trial at Crown Court. I know his mum is already at his brothers over 250 miles away so I don't think she will be able to help right now. Finding this out has actually given me a sense of peace right now. I've been trying to ignore it, but the chance of him turning up and spoling Christmas has been at the back of my mind ever since he turned up at my house. I'm hoping he stays in over Christmas so that I can just relax. OOP on Section 18 in her area OOP: Section 18 is an assault charge, a section 18 with intent is the next level up and is classed as intending to and causing grievous bodily harm to someone. I've been told that if found guilty, then it's usually a multiple year prison sentence.   Another mini update - December 23, 2023 I went round to N and Z, here by known as Nat and Zack, to drop off a present for their daughter, a bottle of Bells for Zack and a bottle of Prosecco for Nat for Christmas and had a cup of tea with them whilst they filled me in on what's going on. Rob will be in over Christmas, but will likely get out early January. His lawyer is trying to get the charges reduced from section 18 with intent to a section 20. I only found out today that a Section 18 with intent is one step down from attempted murder and you're looking at double digits in prison if you get found guilty. Section 20 is a lot less severe and is usually a 2 year suspended sentence for first-time offenders, which he is. His lawyer has said that if he pleads guilty to the section 20 then CPS will lower the charges to get this one over and done with asap as the courts are ridiculously backed up in the UK right now and prisons are full. Zack went to the B&B he was staying at and got Robs stuff which is now sat in his garage as one last favour to Rob, Zacks words. He can't get in touch with me without my consent whilst he is locked away. The prison literally has to ring me and ask if it is ok that I get put on his approved call list and only then is he allowed to ring me, which won't be happening. I've also spoken to his mum, who has basically washed her hand of him for the time being. She thinks that he needs to learn his lesson and maybe spending Christmas in a cell will teach him how much he's lost the plot. She has spoken to him and said that he's now saying the right things, but only time will tell if he means them. He is talking about moving to be near his brother to get away from their dad so maybe he has seen the light. His brother has refused to go onto his call list, so Rob can't contact him, so I don't know how that will work. As for his dad, he is still in hospital with a broken hip and has had to have surgery to fix it. The broken bone and head injury is why the charges are so high right now. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, knowing he can't ruin my Christmas. I'm just about to pack everything into the car and go and stay at my mums untill January 2nd, but thought I'd finish the year off letting everyone who's helped me and supported me through this know whats going on. Merry Christmas to everyone that celebrates it and hope everyone is doing well. OOP on her sister, Kim, due to the emergency surgery that took place OOP: She's doing great, not got to go back to the hospital till end of January as they're that happy with her. Still got a long road to recovery as the stitches won't be out for at least another 6 months, probably longer. She and her wife will be at mums all over Christmas as well. They're gonna be here tomorrow and staying till after New year as well. She is at the football today in hospitality as a treat from our stepdad so she was buzzing this morning. Hope you have a great time as well, and a great new year.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Final Update - April 13, 2024 Hi all, Sorry its been a while since my last update, but i wanted everything to be finished before I updated again. Rob spent Christmas on remand in prison. He didn't get out until the second week of January and that was only because his mum agreed to let him stay with her again. He had his plea hearing the first week of February, where he pleaded guilty to a section 20 assault. He then had to wait until last week to get his sentencing court date. I didn't know how much actually goes into sentencing. They had to get a victim impact statement, a pre sentencing report from probation, statements from his mum and brother. His barrister even reached out to me to give a statement saying that we had broken up and I'd asked him to leave the house. He used our break up as an extenuating circumstance, saying that because of the break up of our relationship and him losing his home, that had seriously impacted him mental health. The statements from his mum and brother also confirmed that he had lived in an abusive home when he was young, so he claimed he had ptsd because of that. These were all read out at his sentencing. He was going to get 3 years, but the judge knocked time off for pleading guilty and for mitigating circumstances. That left him with a 16 month sentence that was suspended for 18 months. As part of the conditions for his release, he isn't allowed anywhere near his dad, he has to go to counselling for his supposed ptsd and he isn't allowed to drink alcohol. He even has an ankle monitor on that tests his sweat every half an hour for alcohol and will alert probation if he gets a positive result. Luckily for him his boss has let him go and work at their main location in the city thats half an hour away from here and probation were happy for him to live there as well. He moved into a flat there this week, so I don't have to worry about running into him. I haven't spoken to him at all and I dont want too. He has tried reaching out through a coupke of friends, but they've respected my decision and told him to move on with his life. However, I did speak to his mum yesterday and she said that she thinks he's depressed, but so far he's doing OK. She's the one I got all of this information from. Its a strange mix of emotion for me towards him as I still care on some level, just not enough to keep him in my life. I know I need to keep him away from me as I can never see him like I did at this time last year. Its crazy to think that its only been a year since we got engaged. So much has happened. Other than thoes mixed emotions, I'm doing well. I've been hanging out with my sister and her wife alot more as well as catching up with friends. I'm still working at the same place and I don't see that changing anytime soon. For the people asking about my sister, she's doing good. She had a set back last month but she seems to be over that now and has just been approved to have some form of newish stem cell treatment at the UKs biggest eye hospital. Which is fab news. She tried to explain it to me but it involves them taking her blood and putting it into her eye which grossed me out so l told her to stop. However, because she's my sister she then sent me pictures of what they do and mum had to step in and tell her to stop. No matter how old we get, I dont think we will ever stop trying to annoy each other. So all in all, I think we're all moving on with life. Unless there's something big happen then this should be my last post. I really want to thank everyone for their kind words and support. This has restored my faith that there are still good people out there.   Latest Update here: BoRU #4   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Originally posted in r/relationship_advice -- 2 updates posted in r/AITAH 2 Updates - Medium/Long Original Post - October 2023 Update - November 26, 2023 2nd Update - November 27, 2023 ​ 3 New Updates ​ 3rd Update - December 20, 2023 4th Update - December 23, 2023 5th Update - April 13, 2024 ​ Original Post - October 2023 Original Title: My, 28f, fiancee 29m, wants me to put his family before mine, even at the expense of my familes health. ​ Throwaway as my work friends are on my main and they dont know this is foing on. Also, obligatory that this is on mobile so spelling and grammar will be poo. This is a long one, but I'll try and keep it as short as possible. I, 28f got engaged to my partner of 7 years R, 29m in May. Both sides of our family were really happy about this and we had a big family meal 2 weeks after getting engaged. His brother lives 250 miles away and couldn't get here for that meal so we decided to have a meal just for his family in late June when his brother would be back for the weekend, this weekend was arranged long before we got engaged so he wasn't back just for the meal. Earlier this year my sister K 32f, got a serious eye infection that very quickly turned into an Ulcer, which scarred her cornea and left it at a high risk of a perforation. She needed a corneal graft, but her surgeon was away for 4 weeks so she was going to have to wait until he got back to have it. However, her eye didn't hold and it perforated the day I was supposed to be going to the family meal with Rs brother. K's wife was at work and had her phone turned off and our mum was away with our step dad, so when K called me to let me know what was happening I knew she would be at the hospital on her own. I immediately talked to my boss and he let me go early so K wasn't on her own. I text R to let him know what was going on and he text me back to send K his love and to remind me about the meal that night. I ignored the comment about the meal as it was the last thing on my mind. Once I got to the hospital, I was taken back into a room where K was, to be greeted by 3 doctors and 2 nurses rushing around trying to help K. I was then informed that she needed to have an emergency operation to have her eye glued or else she would lose it. The problem was that they didn't have a surgeon at that hospital that could do it and she needed to go to another hospital and hour and a half away. They asked if she would need transportation or if I could take her, I said I would take her. Once we got to the other hospital we were told that she would be having the operation at 5:30pm. I knew then that I wouldn't make the dinner and text R to let him know. He flipped out and basically told me to leave K at the hospital and have her wife pick her up after the op was done, at this point I still hadn't be able to get ahold of K's wife. I told him that wasn't going to happen and that he was out of order to even ask me to do that. I then text his mum and told her what was going on. She was really supportive and told me to stay with K and let her know how the op goes. A dinner can be rescheduled, K's health can't. I also spoke with his brother who was equally as understanding. I stayed with K, her operation was a success and I got her back home about 9pm. Her wife had ordered some Chinese and offered me some, which I happily accepted as I hadn't eaten since lunch. With that I didn't get home till about 11pm and R was already asleep. R was very short with me for days after and we ended up having a huge fight where he told me that I should have put his brother and family before K. He said he was embarrassed going to the meal without me. I responded that I was embarrassed he though I would put a meal before my sisters health. This led to another week of awkwardness between us before we finally sat down and we sorted it out, or so I thought. 8 weeks ago K got her graft and so far everything is going really well with it. On Saturday his brother was here so we went out for dinner with his family. His family were all asking about how K was doing and I showed them a picture of the stitches in her eye. I thought that everything had gone really well until we got home and he got really angry saying that I shouldn't have brought up K's health issues and I shouldn't have shown them the picture. I argued that they'd asked about her and asked to see the picture. It ended with him telling me that I needed to put him and his family before K or else we weren't going to work. His family will come before mine once we are married so I should get used to it. I went upstairs and packed a bag. I'm now at my mums house and he's been bombarding me with text and calls since I left. I do love him, but I will never put his family above my own family's health. I feel like he's expecting me to spend every holiday with his family and put their wants above my family's' needs, which won't happen. I'm very close to my sister and my mum, that's not going to change. So I don't really know how to move forward or if I even want to Has anyone experience anything like this before? If so, how did you deal with it? TLDR; My fiancé got mad that I missed a dinner with his family because my sister needed emergency surgery and I was the only one available to take her. He is now insisting that I put his family before my own. I don't know how to move forward with him. Edit; For some reason it won't let me do a full Update post even on my own page so I'm just going to add it to here. Thank you so much for everyone that commented, I replied to as many as I could but I read all of them. Warning, this is going to be longer than the original post, a lot has happened. Tldr; For those that just want a quick update, I left him and he's out of my house. His mum is seriously pissed at him and his brother has gone no contact with him for the foreseeable future. For those that want a longer version. Once I'd decided to end things with him, I knew that the main issue would be getting him out of my house. I own the house outright, my grandma died 5 years ago and left her house to my mum, who sold it and split the money between me and my sister. I then bought my house with that money about a year after she died. I got in touch with my stepdads friend, who is a landlord the day after I wrote my original post, who then put me in touch with his solicitor. He didn't have time to see me in person that day, but we did have a phone call where he gave me my options. In the UK we have something called a section 8 notice. This is a 14 day eviction notice and the solicitor said this would be the quickest way to get him out, however he could try and contest it if he wanted too which would lead to court dates and could take months. I asked him to draw up the notice and date it for Friday, the next day. I'd already made the decision to end things with him after work on Friday, so that he could have the weekend to sort through his emotions before work on Monday. On Friday morning I text R and asked him to meet with me at our local pub after work. He quickly agreed. Not only is the pub a public space, but my stepdad and a few of his work friends go in there every Friday after work for a few pints so I knew he would be there to step in if I needed him. Thank you for suggesting this Redditors. I also picked up the eviction notice on my lunch break so I was ready to give it to him. Cost £250 but was worth it. When I got to the pub, R was already there and my stepdad was stood at the bar with his work mates. I sat down with R and got straight to the point. I told him that it was over, I couldn't be with someone who didn't give me any support when I was going through one of the scariest moments of my life and expected me to drop my family for his. It didn't matter what excuses he could come up with, I wasn't interested, I'd made up my mind and we were done. He stared at me in shock for what felt like and hour, but was probably only a minute or so. He then started saying I couldn't be serious, we'd been together for 7 years and I was throwing it all away, I could never find another guy like him. I responded to the last comment with, I don't want a guy like you that's why I'm ending it. I need someone who's will support me when times get tough, not get annoyed that the world isn't bowing down to what he wants. I then handed him an envelope with the eviction notice in and my engagement ring. I told him I was giving him a few weeks to find a place and be out of my house. Then I stood up and walked over to my stepdad, who had bought me a much needed drink and stayed with him until my ex left still looking in shock. I knew he wouldn't approach me whilst I was with my stepdad as he has always been a little scared of him. This is obviously a very condensed version of what happened. Once I got back to my mum's house, I had a 1 single text from him saying he wasn't moving out and was going to contest the eviction until I'd come to my senses and got back with him. WE ARE NOT OVER, was how he ended the text. I just turned my phone off and decided to deal with the legal side of things on Monday, there was nothing else I could do. Saturday morning I woke up and turned my phone back on and had another text from him saying that he would move out if I paid him £10,000 as that's what he'd paid towards bills whilst he had lived at the house. He paid for half the electric, gas, WiFi and Sky package. Note, the sky package is only as expensive as it is because he has to have every sports channel known to man, so his half literally just paid for the sports channel's. I'd already asked the solicitor about this though and he'd assured me that I didn't owe him any money as he hadn't contributed to a mortgage or any renovations of the house, it was just general expenses. He also knew that I don't have £10,000 just lying around. Lets say I was irritated by this and decided to ring his mum to see if she could talk some sense into him. I'll call his mum S to make it easier. She was appalled by what I told her and said she would speak to him. She called me back about an hour later and asked me to meet her at the house. R was on an away day to watch his football team play and wouldn't be back till about 10pm so I knew he wasn't there. I met her at the house with K, and S said that R's brother was on his way back home and they would have R out by the following afternoon. She hadn't even spoken to R, just his brother, but she promised he would be out. S then asked me to walked her through the house showing her exactly what was his and what wasn't so he didn't take anything that didn't belong to him. The next morning I got a text from R calling me all the names under the sun for getting his mum and brother involved. I blocked him and a couple of hours later S text me to let me know he was out and staying with her. I thanked her and she told me that she would like to stay in contact and I happily agreed to this. I went back to my house after work on Monday, changed the alarm code and my stepdad changed all the locks for me. My stepdad is also arranging for a friend of his to install cameras around the outside of the house, this will be done over the weekend. S rang me on Tuesday asking if we could meet up as she had some things she wanted me to know. So we met for lunch that day. It was at this time that she told me her ex was a controlling ahole who was incredibly selfish and the selfishness was what she had seen in R for so long. That's why she had commented on him being like his father, but she had hoped that was the extent of R's attitude and he hadn't picked up his dad's controlling behaviour, which to be fair, he hadn't up until this whole episode. She had left R's dad after he had punched R's brother in the face when he was 14 and R was 10. He had never layed a hand on her or their sons before, but one time was enough and she left with the boys. To her knowledge her ex had never reached out to speak to R or his brother and they hadn't spoken to their father in years. I didn't know any of this, all I had been told was that their dad wasn't in the picture and hadn't been for a long time, but S had thought I knew and that's why she hadn't told me before. However she had found out on Sunday night that R was back in contact with his father and had been for the past year. His dad had been putting lots of thoughts into R's head about how he is the man of the house and his family is all that matters. This had fed into R's selfish tendencies and had amplified them ten fold. S said that she had told him to find somewhere else to stay asap as she couldn't even look him in the face. Then R and his brother had a huge argument that ended with his brother telling him that as long as R is in touch with their dad, then he will have zero contact with him. Even going so far as to tell him to spend Christmas with their dad because S is going to his house and R isn't welcome. When S took R's brothers side in all this, R flew into a rage and said he would move in with his dad. He then left the house, but came back a couple of hours later looking like he'd been crying. Turns out, that his dad doesn't want him living with him and basically said he could be on the streets for all he cares, he's not putting a roof over a grown man's head. S thinks that R is now starting to realize everything he has lost due to him listening to his dad and has seen his dad's true colours. S is incredibly disappointed in him, but he's her son so she is trying to be there for him as best as she can, however she still wants him out as she doesn't trust him anymore. His brother still won't have anything to do with him. She has also told him to stay the hell away from me as I don't need to be brought into this and he has promised her that he will. Only time will tell if that's true, but I do have him blocked on everything and if he turns up to the house I will just call the police to get rid of him. The more S told me about what had been going ok behind my back, the more resolute I have become about wanting nothing to do with him. I never want to see him again, if I can help it. So all in all R's life is a shit show, but as long as he stays away from me then I don't care. I've been spending a lot of time with my sister and her wife as well and my mum and stepdad which has been great. I've never really been close to my stepdad, but this has brought us a lot closer together which has been one huge positive out of all this. I'm not exactly happy right now, but I'll get there. There's still a lot of feelings that I need to unpack and it will take time to move on from this whole situation. I don't think I will be dating for a while, I need to really get over all this and don't want to dump this on anyone else right now. For all those asking how K is doing, she's doing great. Had a hospital appointment on Monday and her consultant said her eye is healing, in his words, marvelously, so that's a relief. Thank you to everyone that reached out to me. I hope there won't be any need to update this again, so this should be my final update. ​ Relevant Comments: ​ You did exactly what you should I'm revolted by his behavior and you should call his mother and tell her what he said and why you're cancelling the wedding. Lost deposit costs are less than what divorce costs. OOP: We haven't booked anything yet for the wedding. So that isn't an issue. The only issue would be a pain would be the house, as it's in my name, but with him loving there for so long, I may have to pay him off. I'm not 100% sure how that would work, though. .. If a spouse can’t understand emergencies come up it will be a hard marriage . Parents get old and need help . Brothers and sisters get sick and worse . It sounds ridiculous , and what you need to find out is he this mad on his own or is it cause his family is mad at him which is even worse OOP: His family are amazing, and they had no issue with me missing the dinner and have been so supportive through all of this. His mum even dropped off a shepherds pie to my sister and her wife the week after she had her graft to help out a little. It was just him. His mum and brother are furious with him right now because of his attitude. ​ 1st Update - November 26, 2023 (1 month after Original Post) ​ So I 28f posted on relationship advice before about my now ex 29m. The post and update is in my profile, but basically my ex fiance wanted me to put his family before mine even at the cost of my sisters health. I ended up breaking up with him over it and he was forced to move in with his mum, who then found out that he had been in touch with his abusive dad who was twisting his view on how a relationship should work. Last I heard was that his mum was kicking him out as she would not have anyone in her house that was in contact with her ex and that he had tried to go live with his dad, but his dad had refused. I was completely NC with him, so his mum was the one that had told me this. I'll call my ex R and ex's mum S to make things easier. I hadn't heard from R in weeks, but yesterday he showed up at my house. I had the chain on my door so opened it with that still attached, no way would I let him in. He basically told me that he had no where to live. His mum isn't speaking to him and his dad won't put a roof over a grown man's head, his words not mine. He asked if I would take him back or at least let him live with me. No way in hell would I get back with him and getting him out the first time only went easy because his mum stepped in to help. He had threatened to take me to court knowing that if he did it could take months to get him out and then said he would only move if I gave him £10,000. I contacted his mum, who was furious about that and she turned up with his brother and forced him out. I told him that there was zero possibility of him ever living with me again and that we were 100% over. He started shouting at me and calling me all sorts of names, so I threatened to call the police if he didn't leave and shut the door. I have cameras all over my house so I caught everything he did and said on camera and have saved it to a USB just in case. He then went crying to all our mutual friends and it managed to get back to his mum. She called me and asked what happened, I told her and she then informed me that she had put her house up for sale and was moving 300 miles away to be nearer her other son. Her and R had a huge argument about this and she finally kicked him out. Since then he's been couch surfing, but with Christmas coming up, his friends aren't really happy with having him on their couches when they have kids and are meant to be enjoying the festive season. He's been kicked out of 3 friends houses in 10 days. She told me I was right to refuse him, but I've since had other friends say that they feel sorry for them, and that I can just let him stay in my spare room until he's back on his feet. I then asked them to put him up, but they said they would but don't have room and if they had a spare room like me then they would let him stay. My family and his are on my side, but I'm starting to doubt myself with what a couple of my friends have said. So Reddit, AITA? EDIT; Just a quick edit as I'm going to bed. I've just spoken with the wife of one of R's friends and she's asked to meet me on my lunch break tomorrow. Apparently, R stayed with them for 2 nights before she kicked him out and there's more going on than what I know of. She's going to tell me the full story tomorrow, but told me that I shouldn't let him anywhere near me and that he's staying in a b&b so he does at least have a roof over his head right now. I'll try and update after I've spoken to her. ​ Relevant Comments: ​ NTA. Why is he a 29-year-old man with nowhere to live, relying on his mommy and trying to force his way back into your life? It’s absolutely NOT your fault or your responsibility to care anymore. He sounds like a user and a bully. OOP: This is something I don't understand either as he has savings. Whilst we were together he had £5000 in his bank and he's a full time electrician, that's more than enough to get him a decent flat in our area as it's a low cost of living area. Even with recent rent hikes, he can afford that easily. I don't recognize the man he's become this year. ​ Another User Posits: If he became an addict he might not have that money anymore OOP: I hadn't thought of that until some people on here mentioned it. I'm meeting up with someone he briefly lived with today, so I'll ask her if he's on drugs. We do live in an area where drugs are rife and very easy to get. ​ 2nd Update - November 27, 2023 (1 month after Original Post, 1 day after 1st Update) ​ So I posted yesterday about my ex turning up at my house wanting for me to let him move back in with me. I said no, but a couple of friends thought I should let him and that messed with my head. R is my ex. A few people told me to change my lock etc. I did that and changed my alarm code as well as my step dad got his friend to put up 4 cameras around my house. I'm also going to start shutting the gate so that no one can walk up to the house without ringing the bell there first. I put in an Edit that I was going to me meeting with one of R's friends wife for lunch today and I have to say that it was informative for sure. I'll call her N, 30f and her husband Z, 29m. So I went to meet her on my lunch break at a café near my work. It's a place that a lot of my coworkers go to and I know the staff there as well. A few Redditors thought that she might bring R with her so I wanted it to be somewhere I feel comfortable and have back up if needed. Turns out that I didn't need to bother about that. When I got to the Café N was there on her own. I grabbed some lunch and a drink and sat with her. We went through the usual small talk before she started telling me what had been going on. R rang Z on Thursday morning saying he had no where to go and could he stay with them for a few days. Z spoke to N and they agree he could stay in their guest room. R went to their house after work and they had a long talk where R told them he has a flat lined up, but can't move in till January. Z and N agreed to let him live with them until January as long as he followed some basic rules and paid for his own food. The rules were things like, no bringing women back there and if he went out drinking he had to be quiet when he got back so he didn't wake their daughter who's 6. He agreed to all this and paid for a Chinese for them all that night. The next day after work R went to meet his dad in the pub for a few pints. When Z and N went to bed R still wasn't home. They were woken up at about 2 in the morning by R arguing with a woman. Apparently, R had met this woman in a bar, took her back to Z and N house, got his pleasure and then told her to get dressed and fuck off once he was done. She had gotten angry, which started an argument where R was saying some horrific shit to her. N took the woman down stairs and got her a taxi, whilst Z stayed upstairs arguing with R. Once N had got rid of the woman she went back upstairs and tried to calm Z and R down. At this point R decided to take out his frustrations on N, calling her a bitch and telling her to do something useful and make him a sandwich before bursting out laughing like he'd made he funniest joke ever. This made Z lost it and pinned R to the wall by his throat. Side note, R isn't a fighter at all where as Z was a amateur boxer in his youth and can handle himself well. N managed to get Z to let him go and R was shoved in the guest room and told to sleep off he alcohol. Its a miracle that Ns daughter didn't wake up during this. The next morning N got their daughter ready and went to her mums after telling Z to get R out of their house. Z agreed and after N left he woke R up and told him to pack his shit and leave. R tried to apologize and begged to stay but Z was having none of it and kicked him out. Going off the timing, I think he left there and came straight to my house. On Sunday Z text R to meet up so that they could speak and they met up in a pub. Z has been friends with R since they were 11 and has never seen him act like he has been doing so he wanted to find out what was really going on. He managed to finally get the truth out of R. Basically, R has been in contact with his dad for a lot longer than he told us, by this point its over 2 years. His dad is a raging misogynist that believes a woman's place is in the kitchen and bedroom. A man's place is to rule the house and be waited on hand a foot as well as deciding who can and can't be in their lives. He's been dripping this poison into R's ear and it's really taken a hold of him. Z told N that he just doesn't recognize R anymore. R wants to start living his life the way his father has told him he should. When Z pointed out that R's dad is 62, living in a shitty one bedroom flat, not had a real relationship since R's mum left him, has no friends, his family doesn't speak to him and that he's the type of guy that when he walks into a pub people finish their pints so they can leave and get away from him, R was furious. He told Z that his dad is just misunderstood. Z responded that people understood his dad and that's why they stayed away from him, he's Toxic. This pretty much ended their conversation and R left. Z did find out that R does have a flat lined up for January, so that was true and that he's found a b&b he can stay in till the flat is ready at a minimal cost. Z and N have also decided to go NC with R as they don't need that toxicity around them, but especially not around their daughter. A few Redditors had said it sounded like R was on drugs, so I asked N what she thought and she doesn't think so but can't be sure. She and Z think that R is just so far under his dad's thumb now that he's completely changed as a person. He believes that everything his dad says is gospel. She did let me know that R has a burner IG account that he is using to check on my IG and I immediately made my account private. He had said something about seeing me waste money on a stupid amount of Christmas presents when I couldn't even help him out to Z on Sunday. I'd been to a Christmas Market on Saturday afternoon and had posted pics on IG. All of this just made my resolve stronger that he will not be getting anywhere near my house again. It also made me realize that I don't have any feeling for him any more other than frustration at how he's acting and some sadness at how far he's fallen from the man I once knew. I thought that hearing he had another woman in his bed would annoy me, but there was just nothing, I couldn't have cared less. I thanked N for the info and we agreed to keep in touch. We won't be as close as we were when I was with R but it feels good to have someone who knows the entire situation and has seen R's behaviour with his own eyes. There were also some Redditors that told me to ditch the friends that had told me to let him stay with me. Unfortunately, I can't ditch them completely as they're part of the friend group and that would just cause unnecessary drama, but I will be keeping my distance from them and only talking to them when part of the group. I'm currently at my sisters and we are going to watch a Christmas film to get us in the mood to decorate all our house's this weekend, so I will be on and off for the next few hours if anyone has any questions. Thanks for the votes and giving me some perspective. Reddit isn't all bad. ​ Relevant Comments: Damn, Op , the bullet you dodged, and not just R, but I'd imagine at some point the R’s Dad would have tried to talk his way into the house too, R eager to plead would have been only too pleased to house his hero. I want to feel bad for R, he’s definitely being brainwashed by a toxic tool, but for him not to see how much following his dad’s cost him is crazy. OOP:I'm at the point now where I don't think I ever really knew him. He was always seemed so strong, but to see him basically bow down to everything his dad is saying had blown my mind. ​ I honestly don't get it. He lost everything. His home, his relationship, his family, some of his friends, heck he even sees the life his dad is living now. And yet he still sees nothing wrong with the way he is acting and the decisions he made? You would think that a person whose life has gone to shit in a short amount of time would do some introspection and ask themselves if what they believe is actually best for them. Not him, though. He's doubling down for some reason. OOP:He's always had a stubborn streak and think he's just desperately trying to prove that he was right in everything that he's done. I'm sure that one day it will hit him, but it's already too late for him to get his life back. .. The misogyny and abuse probably runs in R's family. I wonder if on some level, the son adopts the ways of the father so he will be accepted and loved. R's father is probably not capable of love, so if the son acts horribly and is given praise for it, he might misinterpret it as love and finally figures he's getting his father's approval. Just a theory. Who knows what actually goes on in these sick families. Sad... OOP: I was talking about this to my sister before, and she said that she thinks he's behaving like he is to get some sort of validation from his dad. I knew that he missed having a dad growing up as we had talked about our shared experience of that, so you are probably right in this regard. I just know that one day he will wake up and realise everything he's lost because of his and his dads actions. I also don't think it helps that he wasn't abused by his dad, his mum and elder brother protected him from it, so his memories of his dad from his younger years are largely positive. ​ New Updates Start Here ​ For anyone that's still around - 1 month later ​ Still have people reaching out to see if I'm OK. A few hated me just using initials so R is Rob. I really hoped that I wouldn't have to update again, but I've just had a call from one of Robs friends and it looks like he's going to be spending Christmas in prison. Apparently, he went out on Saturday night with his dad and they got into an argument which turned physical. Rob isn't a fighter however he is bigger and stronger than his dad and it ended with his dad falling backwards and hitting his head off a wall knocking him unconscious. The staff in the pub called the police and an ambulance, but Rob left before they got there. Rob's dad had to go to hospital, where he still is. I'm unsure off his exact injuries, but they're not life threatening. He must also be awake as he is pressing charges against Rob, however they won't keep him in unless absolutely essential at this time of year. Rob was arrested on Sunday morning at the B&B he's been staying at and had to appear in Magistrates Court on Monday. Due to him not having a fixed address right now and the fact that his dad is still in hospital he has been remanded on a section 18 with intent. Unless he can find permanent address to go to then he won't be getting out until his trial at Crown Court. I know his mum is already at his brothers over 250 miles away so I don't think she will be able to help right now. Finding this out has actually given me a sense of peace right now. I've been trying to ignore it, but the chance of him turning up and spoiling Christmas has been at the back of my mind ever since he turned up at my house. I'm hoping he stays in over Christmas so that I can just relax. ​ Comments Pristine-Payment What is section 18? OOP: Section 18 is an assault charge, a section 18 with intent is the next level up and is classed as intending to and causing grievous bodily harm to someone. I've been told that if found guilty, then it's usually a multiple year prison sentence. Pristine-Payment Thank you!! your ex has really gone downhill since everything blew up when you guys broke up. I think that with this he hit rock bottom, and he saw what his father was. ​ Another mini update - 3 days later ​ I went round to N and Z, here by known as Nat and Zack, to drop off a present for their daughter, a bottle of Bells for Zack and a bottle of Prosecco for Nat for Christmas and had a cup of tea with them whilst they filled me in on what's going on. Rob will be in over Christmas, but will likely get out early January. His lawyer is trying to get the charges reduced from section 18 with intent to a section 20. I only found out today that a Section 18 with intent is one step down from attempted murder and you're looking at double digits in prison if you get found guilty. Section 20 is a lot less severe and is usually a 2 year suspended sentence for first-time offenders, which he is. His lawyer has said that if he pleads guilty to the section 20 then CPS will lower the charges to get this one over and done with asap as the courts are ridiculously backed up in the UK right now and prisons are full. Zack went to the B&B he was staying at and got Robs stuff which is now sat in his garage as one last favour to Rob, Zacks words. He can't get in touch with me without my consent whilst he is locked away. The prison literally has to ring me and ask if it is ok that i get put on his approved call list and only then is he allowed to ring me, which won't be happening. I've also spoken to his mum, who has basically washed her hand of him for the time being. She thinks that he needs to learn his lesson and maybe spending Christmas in a cell will teach him how much he's lost the plot. She has spoken to him and said that he's now saying the right things, but only time will tell if he means them. He is talking about moving to be near his brother to get away from their dad so maybe he has seen the light. His brother has refused to go onto his call list, so Rob can't contact him, so I don't know how that will work. As for his dad, he is still in hospital with a broken hip and has had to have surgery to fix it. The broken bone and head injury is why the charges are so high right now. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, knowing he can't ruin my Christmas. I'm just about to pack everything into the car and go and stay at my mums untill January 2nd, but thought I'd finish the year off letting everyone who's helped me and supported me through this know whats going on. Merry Christmas to everyone that celebrates it and hope everyone is doing well. ​ Comments ​ peachez728 Hopefully you had a relaxing holiday. I’d love an update telling us he came groveling back on his knees! OOP: I've refused to speak to him, so no grovelling. I'm waiting for his legal issues to finish before I give a final update. Right now he's still waiting on sentencing. He's back in court in April so I will give a full update after that. ​ Final update, hopefully - 4 months later ​ Hi all, Sorry its been a while since my last update, but i wanted everything to be finished before I updated again. Rob spent Christmas on remand in prison. He didn't get out until the second week of January and that was only because his mum agreed to let him stay with her again. He had his plea hearing the first week of February, where he pleaded guilty to a section 20 assault. He then had to wait until last week to get his sentencing court date. I didn't know how much actually goes into sentencing. They had to get a victim impact statement, a pre sentencing report from probation, statements from his mum and brother. His barrister even reached out to me to give a statement saying that we had broken up and I'd asked him to leave the house. He used our break up as an extenuating circumstance, saying that because of the break up of our relationship and him losing his home, that had seriously impacted him mental health. The statements from his mum and brother also confirmed that he had lived in an abusive home when he was young, so he claimed he had ptsd because of that. These were all read out at his sentencing. He was going to get 3 years, but the judge knocked time off for pleading guilty and for mitigating circumstances. That left him with a 16 month sentence that was suspended for 18 months. As part of the conditions for his release, he isn't allowed anywhere near his dad, he has to go to counselling for his supposed ptsd and he isn't allowed to drink alcohol. He even has an ankle monitor on that tests his sweat every half an hour for alcohol and will alert probation if he gets a positive result. Luckily for him his boss has let him go and work at their main location in the city thats half an hour away from here and probation were happy for him to live there as well. He moved into a flat there this week, so I don't have to worry about running into him. I haven't spoken to him at all and I dont want too. He has tried reaching out through a coupke of friends, but they've respected my decision and told him to move on with his life. However, I did speak to his mum yesterday and she said that she thinks he's depressed, but so far he's doing OK. She's the one I got all of this information from. Its a strange mix of emotion for me towards him as I still care on some level, just not enough to keep him in my life. I know I need to keep him away from me as I can never see him like I did at this time last year. Its crazy to think that its only been a year since we got engaged. So much has happened. Other than those mixed emotions, I'm doing well. I've been hanging out with my sister and her wife a lot more as well as catching up with friends. I'm still working at the same place and I don't see that changing anytime soon. For the people asking about my sister, she's doing good. She had a set back last month but she seems to be over that now and has just been approved to have some form of newish stem cell treatment at the UKs biggest eye hospital. Which is fab news. She tried to explain it to me but it involves them taking her blood and putting it into her eye which grossed me out so l told her to stop. However, because she's my sister she then sent me pictures of what they do and mum had to step in and tell her to stop. No matter how old we get, I dont think we will ever stop trying to annoy each other. So all in all, I think we're all moving on with life. Unless there's something big happen then this should be my last post. I really want to thank everyone for their kind words and support. This has restored my faith that there are still good people out there. ​ I AM NOT OOP. DO NOT HARASS OOP. submitted by /u/SharkEva to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/CartographerFun1535 My fiancé (37M) made me (26F) get plastic surgery just to get engaged. Now I want to call off the wedding Originally posted to r/relationship_advice TRIGGER WARNING: emotional abuse and manipulation, body shaming, coerced surgery Original Post Nov 10, 2023 I want to clarify that NO, this is not a fake post. This is my first ever Reddit post, I felt compelled to get some outside perspective bc I don’t confide in anyone in my personal life. No one knows I got this surgery. I’m glad I did post this and I really appreciate everyone’s feedback. I know what I need to do but it’s not easy. I will update in a few weeks I (26F) have been engaged to my fiancé (37M) for 6 months now, and we’re getting married next Spring. Our relationship has not been easy and we dated for 2 years before getting engaged and he broke up with me once in between for 5 months. Right now I am so conflicted, there was a time I was so eager to be engaged to him and now I’m lost. First off, I kind of had to give an ultimatum to get engaged, to which he responded he has not proposed all this time bc of something in my looks that he’s not attracted to. He asked me to get a specific plastic surgery to correct this issue and that he would pay for it, and only then he’s willing to get engaged. So, I went ahead and got the surgery 🤡 Anyways, we get engaged and I can still tell he’s not that attracted to me bc the surgery didn’t really make a big difference . Doesn’t compliment me, doesn’t really touch me or initiate things with me. He doesn’t complain or bash my looks but doesn’t rave about it either. But this isn’t the worst of it, I am currently in grad school and he works full time and makes over $500k/year. He is paying for the wedding and has rubbed it in my face on 2 occasions how I contribute nothing, and that I basically never have the right to complain about anything ever because he works so hard to pay for things (I complained once that I feel we don’t spend enough quality time). I just don’t know if I’m making a huge mistake getting married to him, I don’t want to be miserable. I am so anxious. I don’t feel like he loves me, he pushes me away when he’s having a bad day and doesn’t talk to me. I just feel kind of neglected in the relationship but I also don’t want to be a victim and consider maybe he’s right about some things. Breaking an engagement off is so embarrassing, and this would be his 2nd broken engagement and I don’t want to do that to him. I just feel really lost…how do I go about this? Edit: thank you for all the responses even the mean ones that I needed to hear. The surgery I got was liposuction of my legs from thighs to ankles, I’ve always carried weight in my lower body. He says financially successful man don’t like thick women and goes on to list all the successful men he knows and uses their women as reference. I figured he was right about this and got the surgery and I’m still trying to lose weight bc the lipo didn’t make a huge difference. Also, to those that ask what good qualities he has. I initially thought he was very kind, helps the poor and goes on medical mission trips (he’s a doctor), he is funny and we actually get along really well when things are good. And I love his parents so much and I really feel for them, they are older and want grandkids and want to see their son married, I don’t think they realize how mean he can be. I’m not going to pretend his money is not appealing. I didn’t grow up with a lot of money and watched my parents struggle as immigrants, I always wanted to make sure my kids will grow up in a financially stable environment. It’s not really gold digging because I’m not a materialistic person, I don’t care for expensive things just don’t want to struggle like my parents did. To those who think I can get a prenup or divorce, our culture and community is veryyyy strict, I probably should’ve mentioned we are middle eastern (not Muslims). We don’t get divorced, it’s not an option in our church. HE ended his first engagement, not her. He said she became too obsessed with the wedding planning and felt like a different personality of her had come out after she secured the ring. Update Nov 12, 2023 Hello everyone. I did not think I would post the update so soon but here it is. We broke up, today. 48 hours after my initial post and 1000+ people begging me not to get married. The wedding is off. This is how it went. He picked me up bc we had our engagement photo shoot today, he has been depressed for over a month now over a real estate lawsuit that he started. He has already been putting me on the back burner bc of this lawsuit and gives me 0 attention, acts like I am an added stressor in his life. So I’m already fed up with the mopey attitude. He starts going off about how he’s not in the mood to take pics today and that it’s hard for him to smile, how drained and unhappy he feels over the house. I literally exploded, with everything that’s happened I couldn’t take it anymore. I told him I’ve never met such a literal man child in my life, for him to break down over a lawsuit HE STARTED, he is not fit to ever be the man, the sole provider of a family, to face real troubles of life. He has never had any real issues in his life. He is a literal man child. I told him he never acknowledged how INSANE it is that I went and got surgery just for him to find me more attractive. He never recognized the care and sacrifices I’ve made for him. I did take ownership for letting this relationship drag out as far as an engagement, after he showed me time after time how unfit he is to be a life partner. It is my fault, I ignored the red flags and I kept having hope he would change one day. Maybe if I brought him a child he would start to appreciate me more, maybe seeing me as a mother he would start to love me. I am so glad it didn’t last long enough to find out. We didn’t make it to the shoot obviously, he ended up driving me back home. Sadly we wasted the poor photographers time. His reaction throughout all of this was VERY minimal. So cold, he would look down and look sad but it looked like he was pretending. He said he was sorry and he thought I deserved better than him. He said his emotional battery had run out. This was the end of it, I gave him the ring back and told him we’re never speaking again. I want to thank everyone who responded to my original post. I read every single one, I can’t express how much it helped me finally come to this decision today. You guys actually saved my life. I am not even sad, I am so relieved, I feel lighter. Thank you all so much. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Constant_Anything911 I found my husband and sister together Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest TRIGGER WARNING: Infedelity, mental abuse and physical abuse Original post Jan 25, 2023 Before I start, I want to apologize if the English isn’t correct. Keep in mind that English isn’t my first language. I (40f) and my husband (42m) have been married since I was 22 and he was 23. Up until now our marriage has been perfect. We have a 12 year old daughter and a 14 year old son together. But lately I have been getting this weird feeling that my husband is in love with my sister. For short context my sister (43f) has always hated me, even though she was out parents favorite growing up she just had the hate for me and always took away things like I loved like for example when I was younger I loved playing soccer and was good at it, when my sister found out she also started playing soccer she was good but not better than me (not tk brag). One day she injured her ankles and was told she couldn’t play soccer for a long time and somehow it was my fault. She told our parents and being their favorite angle they believed her and banned me from playing soccer ever again. She also stole my first boyfriend and bullied me in school but I never said anything and mostly kept to myself. Back to now. I had the feeling that my husband was in love with my sister because when she and her husband got divorced she called up my husband immediately and he went without a second thought. That’s how it has always been when ever she needs him, he's there with her without even a second thought. About two months ago our 12 year old daughter broke her arm and we went to the hospital with both me and my husband while my son was at his friend's place. We got home and my daughter asked if she could get McDonald’s and so I went out to get our daughter some McDonald’s because she wanted it and she also wanted her dad to stay with her (she has always been a daddy’s girl) when I came back home I found my husband on his way out with our daughter crying and begging him to stay. When I saw it I quickly rushed over and asked what was happening and I found out he was going to my sister because she wasn’t feeling well and I asked him why was he going there when his daughter literally just broke her arm and he only answers your sister needs me and left. After that I got super angry and packed a bag for me, my daughter and my son and went to stay at my aunt's place (she was the only one of my family that agreed that my sister was a brat so I spent most of my childhood with her) two days after I had to go back home because I forgot my work computer and when I got there I was shocked at what I saw. My husband and my sister were on the couch of our family home doing the dirty work. When they both noticed me they were quick to get their clothes back on and my husband ran to me telling me that this wasn’t what it looked like and that this was all a misunderstanding. I stood there for a minute because I yelled back at him how he could have done this to me and if I meant nothing to him and I yelled that I want a divorce and left. When I got to my aunt's place I went into the room I was staying in and broke down crying. I don’t know what to do. I already told my aunt and she is furious. She told our parents and most of our family members even though I asked her not to but at the same time I’m happy she told them because I don’t have the courage to do so. My husband and sister have been blowing up my phone with text messages but I just ignore them. I don’t know how I’m gonna tell my kids. What do I do? Update 1 Jan 31, 2023 Thank you guys soo much for the support and love you guys sent to me and an soo I’m very happy for everything and it makes me happy that even though I don’t know you guys I feel you guys so near. While I was on Reddit someone asked me if I had a different body then my sister and yes I do, and she hated that I was skinnier than her and made sure to comment about my weight any opportunity she got. Here’s an update. One side of me felt sad and wanted to forgive my husband for the kids sake but the other sad felt anger and wanted revenge. I told my kids that things aren't working well at work, that was the reason for my sadness which they believed I was glad because I still can’t bring myself to tell them about their father.One thing I didn’t mention in the other post was that my sister and her ex husband ( super hot husband and such a nice person, I’m so sorry but it’s the truth) got divorced because she had been mentally abusing him throughout their whole relationship and she had just started physically abusing him and that’s when enough was enough for him and he divorced her. Being the person that she is ,she made a lie about how her husband was the one doing the abuse and all that bullshit. I contacted her ex-husband to have a talk with him and I asked if he wanted revenge. He agreed and we made plans to meet up. We met up at a public cafe and talked together, we talked about how abusive she was and how he too had the feeling that she had feelings for my husband. I also told him what I saw and we decided to start with our revenge plan. We started with reporting my sister to the police for the abuse and at first the officer was skeptical but she had left a bruise on him and he also had texts from her threatening him. They told us they were gonna start on the case and advised us to get a lawyer and sent us home. After that I started with taking out all the money we had on our shared account to my own and since I owned the house I was gonna kick him out. I then got a lawyer and started the divorce process which I knew was gonna be a long and hard battle but I was willing to do anything to get away from this disgusting man. Later that week I sat my kids down and told them everything. My son was furious, but my daughter didn’t believe me at all and told me I was lying and I told her that even though she might think I'm lying I am not gonna stop her from seeing her dad. Later that day my aunt had gathered my parents and my husband’s parents together with the both of them at her house and I didn’t know. I just got home from work to find them all there. Turns out my aunt finally had enough of my sister and told the whole family of what I had seen and also that my sister had been in and out of jail and my aunt was the one to bail her out each time. My parents were furious and started yelling about how much of a disappointment she was and my mom gave her a tight slap and told her they never wanted to see her ever again. As for my husband’s parents, they told him they never thought he could go that low knowing his mom raised him as a single mom before she met his step-dad who he called dad. My daughter stood up and yelled at her dad telling him how much she hates him and never wants to see him again before she ran up into the room she and her brother were sharing at my aunt's house and slammed the door after herself. My son gave him a disappointed look and followed his sister upstairs. My husband kneeled in front of me and begged for forgiveness and I told him he had 2 days to pack his things and leave the house or else I’ll call the cops and he started sobbing and begged me saying he had nowhere else to go. (His parents told him he wasn’t welcome ever again in their house never ever) I told him I didn’t care and that I wanted a divorce and at the end he said okay and left with red teary eyes. 2 days later I went home with my babies. They hadn’t been to school since that talk and were having a hard time, especially my daughter. I sat them down and held them both in my arms telling them we were strong and we’re gonna get through this no matter what. I’ll always be there for them. They both broke down crying until they fell asleep. I woke them up to take them in their bed and went downstairs and had a break down myself. I couldn't ever show my kids how hard this was on me. I had to be strong for them. I heard the doorbell ring and thought it was my ex husband but it was my sister's ex husband who came to visit. He sat me down and hugged him while I cried telling him I couldn’t do this on my own. He stayed the night and when I woke up he had made breakfast for me and my kids and they seemed to enjoy him being here. He asked the kids if they wanted to go somewhere special with him and they both gave him a shrug. I was about to tell him it's okay but he talked the kids into it and they finally agreed running to their rooms to get ready. I gave him a big hug and told him thank you and he hugged me back telling me to take all the time I needed.(For any confusion they have always been close with Thomas, my sister's ex). When they left I called up my lawyer and had a chat before meeting him. When I got home I almost started crying at what I saw. I saw that Thomas had ordered their favorite take out and was sitting on the sofa eating it while my daughter was cuddled up on his side, eyes red from crying. I quietly got my shoes and jacket off before making my way into the living room with a huge smile on my face. My son ran up to me and gave me a big hug before we sat down and enjoyed our night together. I had a talk with my kids and they agree that we all should start seeing a therapist. Thomas helped talk them into it because he was also seeing one himself. My husband has been blowing up my phone with texts and calls but I just blocked him. That's all I have. I'll update if anything happens and my kids haven't talked to their dad since and I also cut off my parents. And I also got tested for std and was std free. Again thank you guys for the love and support. Update 2 Apr 8, 2023 Hey everyone, it has been a while since I last updated. I've been very busy with work, my kids, therapie and just everything. I’ll just start with how things are going, for me it is going better and I am starting to feel good all thanks to Thomas. My daughter has been trying her best, what I mean by that is sometimes she will come crying to me or Thomas talking about how much she hates her dad and other times she will go crying to her dad wanting his comfort. I don’t blame her and never will, it breaks my heart to see her suffering soo much. All she wants is our family back together, I wish I could but the damage has been done. Sometimes she gets episodes where she will go in a state where she can’t really tell what is happening around her and sometimes she slips up and calls Thomas dad. Which is not a bad thing but I would never date my sister's ex no matter how much of a devil she is I just can’t. As for my son, he has been very close to his emotions, I sometimes find him crying to himself at night and I just go in to hug him. We talk and I tuck him and stay with him while he sleeps, this is the only way I can get to know how he is truly feeling because he never talks to me no matter how hard I try. As for ex he broke thing off completely with my sister and hasn’t spoken to her, he got himself a good paying job(he worked at his dad company before all this and got fired from there) he also lives in a really nice house because he for some reason had been saving up just for in case knowing I would catch him and my sister one day. I know all this though my daughter tells me everything, I don’t press her, she always says she wants me to know what’s going on in his life. My son does not speak with his father and never visits, I am not gonna force him. My ex has been trying to get in touch with me and sending me flowers and gifts. I accept them because I don’t want to throw away stuff. It is just not me and I still love him, it is not easy to let go of those feelings. From what I have heard my sister lives in her car and works at a very low paying job, one thing I wanna make clear is that if my sister goes homeless I’m gonna help her because I just can’t stand and watch her live in the street knowing how dangerous our town gets at night. Thomas has been a great help for all of us, he is just soo perfect in every way. One more thing about Thomas is that he found he is bi and started dating this guy named Logan not too long ago. Logan has been too much help to and my kids loves them both. My daughter does not fully loves them like my son but she is getting closer everyday. I’ve also started working out and eating better trying to get in better shape, I met this dude. We have been talking and working out a lot together. He gives me the same spark that my ex’s gave me back when we were dating. I am not saying that I’m gonna start dating this dude but he makes me really happy. My kids do not know about him yet. That’s all for now I will update if anything else happens. And again thank you all soo much for the love and support. It means the world to me, and I love you all soo much. Ladies, even if your man cheats on you it does not mean that you have to get out of shape and become depressed or sad. Sometimes it means that it is time for change and it can be a good change. Mini update Apr 11, 2023 Hey y’all, I posted a update not to long ago and one thing that got a lot of attention was 1. Me accepting gift from my ex and 2. Helping my sister in the future. Let me start with the first one. The only reason I don’t throw away the gift from him is because I hate the idea of throwing things that is in perfectly good shape, Thomas gave me a good idea about going to a women shelter or orphanage and giving away. He usually gives me flowers, teddies or jewels which I’m not gonna use so I will be giving it away. Helping my sister i don’t mean inviting her into my house, but instead giving her money because in my country, it is extremely dangerous for a women to be alone at night. That is only if my parents fail to help her, I know what she did was bad but i can’t stand and Watch her get assaulted. Edit: Don’t worry I would never let the demon of a person close to yum kids it Thomas she ruined her life and the only I will make sure is that she keeps her car nothing else no contact. I would ne cause the people around me more trauma then they already have. As for my ex and name we have no future together and I an gonna make sure he gets that through his thick skull. Someone said that my daughter might be telling in me to her dad which I hope she is. I want him to know how much getter we are doing without him and as for the money he saved up I don’t want it, I have a high paying job and my babies always gets what they need when they need it. So we don’t need his help or his filthy money. That was all I may update not sure. Have a wonderful day you guys and again thanks for the support. You guys don’t even know how much you guys help me! THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I’d like to first thank everybody for the great feedback on the first part of this series, I’m glad so many of you found it helpful! One of the more requested categories was office wear, so that’s what I wanted to tackle next. The thing about office wear is that it changes more slowly than casual wear. That means you get more mileage out of your clothes, and you have to think about it less. However, “changes slowly” doesn’t mean “never”. Of course, you may be entirely uninterested in that and in upgrading your work look. And that’s 100% fine. However. IF you would like to remain current, there are tweaks that you can eventually make in your work wardrobe. I want to specifically point out that this is not meant to focus on looking TRENDY, but on looking CURRENT. These are not cutting edge trends, these are not trends worn by 18 year-olds. They’re styles that are more updated than, say, 2010 - 2016 office wear. Please keep in mind that updating your work wardrobe DOES NOT mean: ● That you need to throw out all your existing wardrobe ● That you need to dress in a way that doesn’t feel like “you” ● That you’re trying to dress “like a teenager” or in any way non “age-appropriate” ● That you’re a slave to trends ● That your wardrobe will now be “unflattering” Updating your wardrobe DOES mean: ● Assessing your current wardrobe with a critical eye and identifying what works and what doesn’t ● Taking a look at more current/modern fashion styles and picking out some elements that would work for your tastes/wardrobe ● Setting some goals for what your ideal wardrobe/look/message is ● TRYING THINGS ON before forming an opinion on new styles ● Planning your wardrobe for the next few years and making strategic changes/purchases Another thing I want to insist on is that everybody’s workplace is different. That means different expectations, levels of formality, dress codes, and rules. Every idea/example will not suit EVERY workplace and every dress code. I’m not mandating anything here. I’m simply reporting on what’s current and what isn’t, for those who are interested. I tried to include outfits and ideas that run the gamut of formality. It’s up to you to assess which ones would fit your needs and which are inappropriate. You also do not need to make ALL the changes. I’m including examples of different clothes and elements, how they may have changed over the years, and what is their more current version, compared to what was fashionable a few years ago. But it’s up to you to swap the elements that make sense for you and that fit in your wardrobe. No one’s telling you to change everything from head to toe, unless that’s what you want! The Basics Most people aren’t looking to reinvent the wheel when it comes to workwear, and that’s fair. The workplace is not (usually) a fashion show - unless you work IN fashion or an otherwise creative field. But that doesn’t mean you can’t look modern and current, if that’s what you want. Even if you’re keeping your outfits basic, there is still room to update, upgrade, and style an outfit that’s as simple and “timeless” as a white shirt and black pants. The blazer Some examples: blazer 1 blazer 2 blazer 3 blazer 4 blazer 5 blazer 6 blazer 7 blazer 8 The jackets we’re currently seeing are longer and roomier than jackets of yesteryear, more menswear-inspired OR a very snatched-waist Balmain-inspired look that’s come in over the past few years, with an emphasis on power shoulders and a contrast with a smaller waist. The straight cut jacket is long (sometimes even covering the butt), double-breasted, and can be oversized. The new crop of jackets are shorter, go in at the waist, and are either single button or have a single row of buttons, a la Dior Bar Jacket. If you feel like your office is too casual for a blazer, you can opt for a more casual material than the classic black suiting. Tweed is always a good choice, you can go for wool, and for a jacket that is patterned, rather than solid-colored. That’s going to look less formal. Suit vests have also been very fashionable in recent years, and they can be a good alternative if a blazer feels too stuffy or is Too Much for your office. The button down shirt Some examples: shirt 1 shirt 2 shirt 3 Despite what “timeless classics” bloggers would have you believe, a (white) shirt is not, in fact, timeless. Nothing is. Allow me to explain. Yes, the concept of wearing a white shirt will never be “dated” because that’s not how fashion works. An entire category of clothes rarely goes out of style. However, the specific characteristics of a shirt can, and do become outdated. Things like the shape and size of the collar, the cuffs, the buttons, and the length and the shape itself are all very specific to a certain era. The “classic” white shirt from 2003 is tight, short (because it was worn untucked), oftentimes with an oversized and pointy collar and cuffs. The “classic” white shirt from 2010 is longer and straighter, with a tunic collar that does not button up, occasionally meant to be worn with a wide belt on top to emphasize the waist. It was meant to be worn untucked, on top of tight pants. The sleeves had tabs that buttoned up to keep your sleeves rolled up around elbow-level. There might have been some square pockets that were placed too high. We also saw more long, empire-waist tunic-type shirts in this 2008-2012-ish period. The “classic” white shirt from 2023 is a generous cut that’s long enough to tuck into your pants or skirt, but not long enough to cover your butt. It should end around your hip. That means that you can also wear it untucked, over your pants, without it looking frumpy. Seeing as the fashion is moving towards tighter and shorter shirts (no, we’re not talking about crop tops) to go with the wider bottoms, you can also expect to find more body-conforming shirts in the near future. Shirts with a marked waist, princess seams, and generally a variety of tops that go in at the waist. The blazers and jackets with tapered waists are already present, so we can expect the shirts to not lag too far behind. The pants Some examples: pants 1 pants 2 pants 3 pants 4 pants 5 pants 6 pants 7 pants 8 pants 9 pants 10 Slacks The current standard cut for a pair of office slacks (including suits) is a high-waisted straight leg or wide leg pair of pants, usually full length. Cropped, ankle length pants are still encountered, but usually in culotte, or wide styles, less so skinny pants. The high-waisted cigarette pants (or carrot leg, or peg leg) are still out there, but the style is meant to be a little roomier in the butt and thighs; the office is not the place for your tightest pair of pants. These often come in a paperbag waist style, which is very flattering on a lot of body types, as well as comfortable - because the belt is adjustable. The rise is getting lower, however, as low rise is coming back into fashion, meaning that you should be able to find midrise and lowrise pants in wide cuts if that’s what you’ve been waiting for. That won’t change much for footwear, but it might trigger some changes in terms of tops, depending on what styles you’re wearing now. If you were used to tucking shirts into high waisted pants, a low waist doesn’t allow for that. So, you probably need to rethink and re-strategize towards a top that sits untucked, at the top of the hips, for the most traditionally harmonious proportions. Nowadays, a lot of pants have elasticated back waistbands, or even entirely elasticated waists or drawstring waists. Office joggers exist for the new iteration of the more casual and relaxed post-pandemic office. Rises and cuts are encountered in generous varieties. There is no reason for a standard pair of slacks to be uncomfortable. And god, are there office pants of all varieties right now. (A quick note on fit: Even without stretch, a pair of pants that fits well should not be uncomfortable, should not pinch you anywhere, dig into your stomach, or feel tight or constricting. Size up, go for a straight or wide leg if a tight leg is constricting, and try a higher or lower rise if your waistband cuts into your stomach. Do not purchase the smallest size you can fit into. Bosquerella did an excellent write-up on the matter you can revisit if you need the reminder. Everyone deserves pants that fit. Whatever type of rise you’re searching for, I recommend measuring your ideal rise from between the legs and up to where you want it to hit, whether that’s 11 inches, 14 inches, 8 inches, etc. Take a tape measure shopping if you have to. Measure the pants you’re interested in or learn to eyeball it, the name of the style doesn’t necessarily tell you anything about how they’re going to fit ON YOU, because all our bodies are different. Depending on the length of your torso, you may need a different rise than the model does. Shop for your body.) Stretchy pants Leggings have never exactly been business casual, and regardless of their debatable status, they’re just not current anymore. Leggings just don’t read as polished when paired with business casual clothes, and they require a high level of effort in every other aspect of the outfit in order to elevate them and make them presentable and current in the workplace. The exception to this is an athleisure look in a workplace that is very casual and allows sportswear. Think tech or non client-facing roles in other industries. And speaking of leggings, let’s address their ugly stepsister, ponte pants. Despite their misleading name, they do not look like pants, let’s be honest. If stretchy pants are your go-to, the much better - and more modern - option is a pair of straight leg athletic fabric pants. Straight leg or flared, usually with a front seam or crease and even equipped with pockets, this version at least attempts to mimic the look of regular pants. The heels Some examples: heels 1 heels 2 heels 3 heels 4 While there are still plenty of industries and offices where heels are common or even explicitly required, they are becoming less and less expected. The current heel has changed both in height and in shape/thickness. Thicker block heels are more current than stilettos. A patent, square mid heel will serve you well. Heeled mary-janes are currently the IT shoe, and there are variations on the strappy, mid heel style at many different price points. Usually patent - but also leather, for easier maintenance, or satin, for the high-maintenance dressers - mary janes are comfortable, versatile, inoffensive, and come in many different colors at the moment. Sole thickness differs, as does shape, but a lot of them follow the rounded square shape that is currently popular in footwear. Boots haven’t gone anywhere, either. A block heel ankle or knee high boot can be perfectly appropriate for the office, as long as the heel isn’t too high and they’re not a very irreverent design. The flats Some examples: flats1 flats2 flats3 flats4 flats5 flats6 flats7 flats8 flats9 flats10 There seems to be a disconnect in mentality where a lot of people think that “trendy” shoes can’t be comfortable. Dressing for comfort doesn’t mean you need to wear basic shoes. I’m about to say something that I know is upsetting for like, 70% of this sub, but it needs to be said: Rothys are not a modern shoe. More supportive shoes are in style, thankfully, and a loafer is much more current and better for your feet. The Gucci-type loafer and the trend it sparked is a little more basic and doesn’t stand out as much. It’s less of a statement, and more of a supporting character in an outfit. The platform loafers, like the Prada ones, for example, are trendier, but they’re also very comfortable. The thicker sole is very supportive and provides good shock absorption if you’re going to be walking miles in them. If you want to retain the ballet flat style, the modern ballet flat has a flatter, square shape and dance-inspired detailing that is meant to mimic actual ballet shoes. Pointed toe shoes are also coming back in fashion, and the most modern iteration of a pointed ballet flat is a slingback. Mary-janes also have a strong presence among flat shoe styles. One, two, or multi-strap, in patent, leather or canvas, for summer, mary-janes are the perfect feminine, but sophisticated shoe that can work with a variety of outfits, including pants and skirts of varying lengths. The bag Some examples: bag1 bag2 bag3 bag4 Bags for the office can be tricky, because they oftentimes have to carry your whole life, but still remain professional-looking. That’s one of the reasons why huge, unstructured bags like the LV Neverfull and the Longchamp Le Pliage were popular for so long - they’re not cute, but they’re practical. Thankfully, something even better came along, and that is the bizcas backpack. Carrying a laptop, your lunch, your water bottle, your umbrella, and your gym shoes on your shoulder is a one-way ticket to a messed up posture, health problems, and an expensive chiropractor bill. Choose comfort, practicality, and fashion by opting for a modern backpack, instead of a gaping nylon bag with thin straps that dig into your shoulder. Leather is the most elevated choice, but leather backpacks can be heavy, depending on size and construction, so take your time assessing the best material for your needs. Fun/casual/out of the box alternatives The colorful suit Some examples: suit1 suit2 suit3 suit4 suit5 suit6 suit7 If you’re in a more formal industry that still expects a suit, the best thing you can do for your work wardrobe is to get yourself a colorful one. Suiting is huge right now - and has been for a few years - so there is no shortage of office-appropriate options that won’t bore you to death. Valentino pink is particularly prevalent as it’s one of the hot colors of the season, but Bottega green is also in, and you can find an entire range of power colors to give you that extra pop. If you’d rather play it more subdued, there are plenty of pastel options to choose from. Softer, more feminine, but still 100% professional, pastel suits allow you to cheer up your office wardrobe, particularly for the spring and summer seasons, as these tend to come in summer-weight fabrics. The interesting top Some examples: top1 top2 top3 top4 top5 top6 top7 If you want a look that’s more elevated, but still retains the same basic neutral top + neutral bottoms formula, all you have to do is tweak the style of the shirt. You can still keep it white, or another neutral shade, but make sure there’s an interesting design to it. You can play with shape - oversized, billowy, straight, cropped, voluminous, etc. - it’s up to you and your preferences, design details - voluminous sleeves, interesting neckline details, contrasting trims or buttons, etc., material - silk, linen, satin (very current), which also impact drape and silhouette. Again, color is not something you need to shy away from in the workplace, especially if you’re going to pair it with neutrals. There is nothing about colorful clothes that is inherently unprofessional (unless you work at a funeral home). If a top is professional in white, it’s also professional in blue, or magenta. A “spicy” shirt can be the visual interest you need in an otherwise drab work outfit. The midi skirt Some examples: midi 1 midi 2 midi 3 midi 4 midi 5 midi 6 midi 7 midi 8 You may have noticed that in recent years, THE skirt/dress length has been the midi. Reaching around mid calf, the midi oftentimes has a medium to long leg slit. BUT there are simpler and less sexy versions for the office. The shape is straight or conical, rather than the A-line accordion pleated midis we saw around 2016. However, it’s not the tight pencil skirt shape of the 2010s, either. Think more body-skimming, rather than a spandex-y bodycon. In addition to being very current, the midi is very office-friendly because of the conservative length. It goes great with heels, but it also looks good with flats, especially the more modern chunky shoes. A midi skirt can be worn with a classic button-up shirt, or a thin turtleneck, a chunky knit, a t-shirt for more casual offices, and it can even be taken out for drinks or shopping after work or on the weekend. A very versatile piece that can work hard in your wardrobe for the next few years. The danger with a long skirt is to not veer into frumpy, church-y territory. If you’re going for a midi look, I recommend styling it in a very intentional way, with some very modern accessories. A midi skirt with a thin-soled ballet shoe from 2012 and a long, thin cardigan might look frumpy and awkward, but a midi with a chunky loafer and an oversized blazer looks like an intentional outfit. Same with boots - forego the heeled low cut ankle boot and instead, opt for a chunky knee-high boot. It can also look very chic with a longer, oversized, chunky knit. Another way to make sure it’s not reading frumpy is to pick a modern fabric. Leather skirts are very in right now, as are satin slip-style skirts. In the right cut and in a high-quality material, they can be professional, while still remaining stylish. The sneakers Some examples: sneakers1 sneakers2 sneakers3 sneakers4 sneakers5 sneakers6 sneakers7 sneakers8 sneakers9 The main aspect people appreciate about wearing sneakers is that they are comfortable. But if you’re looking to update your work wardrobe, you should know that Allbirds-style shoes are an outdated style. A black pair could be somewhat neutral, especially combined with a chic, modern all-black outfit. But there are equally comfortable sneakers out there that are sleeker, more modern, and more professional. You don’t have to wear the chunky dad sneakers your 15 year-old is wearing, but a sleek, white sneaker with a clean shape that’s not overly stylized or embellished is a perfectly respectable choice that will bring your work style closer to 2023. No synthetic mesh, please. If you feel like white is too stark and stands out too much as an athletic shoe, black is always a safe choice. If you can afford to be really daring in a casual office, you can even try a pair of platform converse. They’re not just more current, but they’re also much more comfortable, because the sole isn’t as thin and lacking in support as the classic version. Plus you get a tiny bit of height, even without heels. The jeans Some examples: jeans1 jeans2 jeans3 jeans4 jeans5 Jeans in the workplace were once a hotly debated matter and it may still depend entirely on your specific office. But in a post-covid world, where so many are reluctant to even go back to the office at all, dress codes have relaxed and jeans are more prevalent than ever before. And why shouldn’t they be? A good rule of thumb for wearing jeans in the office is to stick to a pair that is non-distressed, and solid-colored. No rips, stone washing, or fading and whiskering. Black, dark blue, or mid-blue are all okay colors. Maybe even white, in the summer. For an updated outfit, the new styles of jeans are all very workplace-friendly, because they don’t cling to the body so tightly like skinny jeans did, so they’re not emphasizing anything that an old white man might be offended by or overly taken by. There is no reason why a pair of straight leg or wide leg jeans shouldn’t pair great with a shirt, a sweater, a blazer, and a pair of loafers for a casual office environment. I’d stick to jeans that are actually hemmed, and not distressed, but at the same time, your legs are mostly under a desk, so only you know what you can get away with! Modernize your office fit Finally, let’s look at some typical, average office fits you’d see 10 years ago, and how we can retain the same basic, reliable structure, but with updated pieces. Allow me to remind you that we don’t need to throw out the clothes in the outdated examples and replace them all with clothes from the updated ones! You can get more mileage out of your clothes if you mix and match with some more modern pieces. sweater + black pants do this instead of this The cut matters so much in an outfit, as you can see in these examples. We’re still retaining the exact same formula, but we’re simply updating the pieces. While it’s still a big, oversized gray sweater, the style becomes chunkier, with balloon sleeves. The black pants are flared instead of skinny, which is a more modern cut. The boots aren’t almond-toe, but pointed, and they match the other light-colored accessories. long top/sweater + leggings + flats do this instead of this If your office is casual enough, you may still be able to get away with wearing leggings. Rather than pairing them with ballet flats, opt for a pair of sleek sneakers. You can still keep the white shirt and the knit format, but update to a chunky knit sweater, instead of the thin cardigan. Accessorizing with a big scarf indoors is unnecessary, unless it’s cold. If you want to keep the accent scarf, opt for a thinner silk square scarf, instead. top + cardigan + slacks do this instead of this This is a great example of how you can still wear your long cardigans in a much more modern fit. If you look at the first example, that short, tight cardigan on top of a tight top makes it look like the cardigan doesn’t fit her properly; it’s straining on her body. That’s never a flattering fit. The looser cardigan with a more generous cut in the second example allows for a more comfortable fit. The belt is present in both examples for waist emphasis, but tucking the top inside the pants rather than letting it hang on top is an instant update you can easily make to your everyday fit. If you prefer an untucked top, that’s perfectly fine, but choose a looser fit and not a tight jersey top. Accessories also irrevocably date an outfit. The chunky statement jewelry can easily be swapped for simpler pieces that subtly enhance and highlight, rather than being the focus of your overall fit. sweater + jeans do this instead of this If you’re gonna do a knit with jeans for work, you can easily update the look. Swap the skinnies for a pair of straight leg jeans. The riding boots or ankle boots can be changed into combat boots or a chunky pair of oxfords, and the knit can be swapped for a chunkier, either cropped or oversized sweater. Or you can opt for an oversized knit vest. It’s worn over a t-shirt in this example, but it works beautifully over a long-sleeved button-up shirt, or even over a tight turtleneck. dark suit + heels do this or this instead of this The basic suit has changed shape, with slim ankle pants being less current than straight, long pants with a crease. The blazer is longer, less fitted, and more oversized, and the heels have more of a square toe (or a more elongated point), rather than the short pointed heel in the first example. white shirt + jeans + flats do this instead of this As you can see, sometimes it’s just a matter of styling. The two examples aren’t that different, just slightly updated. The jeans are no longer skinny, but straight-cut. It’s still a style that conforms to your shape, just more modern and less constricting. The shirt is tucked into the jeans, instead of a long, untucked shirt. We still keep flat shoes, but we choose something with a platform. Again, opting for minimal jewelry over the chunky, statement necklaces will instantly make your otufit feel fresher and more modern. If you found this helpful, check out the previous post on updating skinny jeans & new jean styles to try: https://www.reddit.com/r/femalefashionadvice/comments/11cp9nb/your_wardrobe_is_outdated_what_now_step_1_skinny submitted by /u/squeegee-beckenheim to r/femalefashionadvice [link] [comments]

Originally posted by u/cdcaughtthrowaway in r/tifu on Jan 11, 2015, updated Jan 12, 2015, and Jan 13, 2015. Original post TIFU and possibily outed myself as a crossdresser to my family The backstory I was first exposed to crossdressing when I was about 8. I was watching an episode of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody on Disney Channel and the premise of the episode of one of the twins crossdressing to enter a beauty pageant. At the time, I was mildly intrigued. A boy in girls clothes? Crazy! I was a bit interested, and asked my mom if I could be a princess for Halloween. She nipped that idea at the bud, and I went as a Power Ranger that year. Then along came one summer day when I was 12. I was home alone and watching an episode of Law and Order: SVU. The episode featured a transwoman who was accused of murdering a man in cold blood who was about to out her. Again, I thought "hm, guy in girl's clothes." Seeing as nobody else was home, I went upstairs to my sister's room and tried on one of her dresses and her fishnet tights over my boxers. I hung around like that for a little bit, before eventually changing back to guy clothes before my parents came home. From ages 12-14, I crossdressed in my sister's stuff whenever I could. Whenever my parents and sister were out, the pants would come off and the comfy dresses would come on. I stole a wig from a friend when I was 13, and kept dressing until a near-discovery by my parents when I was 14. My mom almost sent me to bible camp over that. At that point, I tossed my wig and any other paraphernalia I had, and swore off crossdressing. Of course, as one would imagine, all this crossdressing affected my growing young teenage mind. I was confused about gender, sexuality, whatnot. I read all about it on the internet whenever I could, went through a gender identity crisis at about 14 1/2, but then eventually came to the conclusion that I am a straight male who just so happens to like crossdressing and being pretty. Age 16, sister goes off to college. I get a car, parents work more hours, find myself in an empty house more often than usual. One night, while flipping through some channels, I find myself on RuPaul's Drag Race on the LOGO channel. You can guess where it went from here. But there was a problem: I had hit a growth spurt at age 15 and grew to about 5'10, while my sister stayed at 5'2, so my legs were muuuuuch longer while remaining skinny. So now, every dress she owned turned into a top. Great. So as I did years ago, I went to the internet. Let me tell you something: Amazon gift cards in my hands last about as long as Kenny Powers lasted that time he came in his pants while making out with April. Thanks to the helpful wiki I found on /r/crossdressing and the fantastic inventions known as Amazon Lockers, I began to accumulate a feminine wardrobe that would rival that of most cis girls. I kept all my clothes hidden in a locked trunk in my closet, and before long I had amassed a collection of wigs, makeup, skirts, dresses, shorts, tops, tights, hell even shoes. Fast forward to today, aka, the Day the House Stood Still. Today, when I fucked up Today, my sister was working almost all day and my parents were coming home from a weekend trip to Boston. They expected to be home at about 8:30, which was about the time my sister would be coming home from work. I calculated in my head that I had like all day to enjoy dressed. I went through my usual dressing routine: bath, shave (everywhere), panties, bra, dress, makeup, wig. After getting sufficiently pretty, I did what I do every other time I get dressed up: hung around my house for hours, watched football, played video games, browsed Reddit. Didn't go out (I pass with relative ease, but I'm way too paranoid about being caught.) So, at about 7:00 I went through the de-beautification process, putting away all of my items. Or so I thought. 8:30 rolls around, sister comes home first, sits down on couch next to me. She comments "cdcaughtthrowaway, your eyes look a bit darker than usual." I instantly think shit, I probably did a bad job removing my makeup. I wait for a followup comment, but it never comes, so I assumed that maybe she just didn't suspect anything. Parents come home a few minutes later, mom goes upstairs to use the bathroom. A couple minutes later, my mom comes downstairs and says to my sister "God dammit cdcaughtthrowawaysister, I really wish you'd stop leaving your makeup out. I almost knocked your expensive lipstick into the toilet. And stop leaving your underwear on the floor of the bathroom." My sister looks at my mom with a "what the hell you talkin bout" expression on her face and says "um, I don't remember leaving any lipstick on the bathroom counter." My dad retreats to his den, knowing that a fight's about to go down. I slyly attempt to slip out of the living room, but before I can make it upstairs my mom and sister go up to the bathroom. So I follow behind, and go into my room. That's the last time I saw them. My mom is not exactly...the most accepting person when it comes to gender and sexuality and stuff like that. I'm pretty certain that by this point she's figured something out, since she's stopped yelling at my sister and is now just yelling in general. It's nearly two hours later and my dad has knocked on my door twice, asking me to come outside and talk for a little bit (I guess he emerged from his den). I'm just pretending to be asleep. My plan tomorrow is to wake up extra early, drive to school extra early, and not come home until like forever. I guess I kind of wrote this long post in the likely event that I need to explain myself to them. At least now I have a general idea of what I have to say. Bit of a cathartic release too. tl;dr: left out my lipstick and dirty panties, parents might have figured out I'm a crossdresser EDIT: my mom is working late, so I'll likely be able to talk to my dad alone. I have a feeling he'll be more understanding. Will probably update later 1st Update The Next Day A couple of people asked for updates, so I guess I'll do it. So I left for school early today and hung around in the library. I couldn't face my parents yet. I needed some time to put together something to say, first to my dad and second to my mom. During the day, I got a text from my sister, and she asked if those panties really were mine. I initially thought maybe this is my chance to cop out, blame it on some make-believe female visitor I had yesterday. But hey, honesty is the best policy, right? So I said yes, and told her I'm a crossdresser. Her response was UNBELIEVABLY nice. She says that it's okay, and she'll support me no matter what mom and dad might think. Whew. I had sports after school, so I didn't get home until about 6. I felt a knot in my stomach forming when I saw just my dad's car in the driveway. I guess I'll be going at it solo this round. I took a deep breath, and walked through the door. I found my dad sitting in the living room, two beers sitting on the coffee table. "Sit down." he said, motioning to the loveseat adjacent to the sofa he was sitting on. I sat down. He took a long gulp of beer and shut off the TV. He looked at me for a few seconds before saying "So were those yours? Last night?" Here it goes. Moment of truth. "Yes," I calmly said. I started to get into my spiel about seeing the Suite Life of Zack and Cody episode, the Law and Order thing, the princess Halloween costume. He stopped me. He asked me "Are you transgendered? Because I heard about that girl who killed herself and-" "No," I said, cutting him off. "Straight. Guy. Just like to get...dressed sometimes." I gulped. He took another drink, looked at me, and leaned forward. "Listen, son. I'm not bothered by this little hobby of yours. You're not hurting anyone by the looks of it. You're still my son, I still love you, and you have my 100% support. But you need to know that not everyone is like me. Some people might not like it, or be ignorant of it, or just generally not understand it, kind of like your mother. Now, explaining this to her is not going to be easy. But just know that I'm on your side and I'll love you no matter what." Then he came over and gave me a hug. I choked back some tears. Wow. I felt a weight come off my shoulders. That went about as perfectly as it possibly could've. After we broke the hug, we discussed how we should talk with my mother later tonight when she comes to work. I kinda had the idea to talk with her while fully dressed up, but I have a feeling that would make her just more irrationally angry. Anyway, now I'm just sitting in my room, waiting for her to come home. When that happens, my dad and I will sit down with her and try to talk some sense into her. tl;dr: Talked to Dad about my crossdressing, he's fine with it, Mom coming home later tonight, THAT is the real challenge. EDIT: well...I have quite the update to give when I come home tonight... Final Update HA. Didn't spell possibly wrong in the title like I did my last two posts. Anyway, here it is, the finale. When we left off, my dad had just told me that my crossdressing is totally fine and he supports me 100%. Whew. Now comes the hard part: telling my mom. She got home from work at about 10. She didn't go upstairs, so I assumed that she was either sitting at the kitchen table or in the living room. I was upstairs, and my dad was in the master bedroom. I gave him a two knock signal to tell him that it was time. We went down the stairs, him first, then me. We walked into the living room and I sat down on the loveseat, with my dad leaning on the wall facing my mother, who was seated on the couch. I looked my mom in the eyes, and hers darted down to the carpet. The silence was ubiquitous, and I felt a knot similar to the knot I felt when I told my dad, but this one was larger, too large to express. We sat for what felt like hours, until I eventually decided it was time to break the silence. I inhaled to begin my discourse, only to be interrupted by a sob. Almost in an instant, she was full on crying, tears flowing down her cheeks and soft sniffles coming out every few seconds. "I'm so sorry." She choked out in between snuffles. "You probably hate my right now." wuuuuuuuuuut. "I should've known when you wanted to wear that princess costume when you were younger, or when we saw that makeup transformation video on your computer a few years ago." She sniffled again. "I should've known when I saw that edition of TIME with Laverne Cox on the cover. I should've known all these years. But I didn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. But I've slept on it, and I realized on my drive home that very soon you're going to be an adult and you'll be able to do whatever you please, and I shouldn't interfere with your happiness. So I want you to know, that if you want to have the surgery I will help you and pay for it." I froze up. She thinks I'm trans? That's what she thought? wheewwwwww I sat down on the couch next to her and wrapped my arms around her. "Mom," I said, "I'm glad that you think that. But I'm not changing my gender or anything." She looked up at me. "You're not? But then why else did I find those panties? Were those even yours?" "Yes." I said. "Yes, they're mine." Then I began what I wanted to say before, which was basically the same thing I told my dad. When I was finished, I let go of her and sat down on the loveseat. It must've taken her a few minutes to process the information, and she sat for a little bit before finally asking "So if you're straight and you don't want to be a girl, why do you wear women's clothing?" I gave the honest to God answer: "I don't know. I just kind of do. When I dress I just...feel like all stress is gone. I can relax for however long I'm dressed. And something about being all dolled up is just...comforting. It's just...I don't know." I said. Her sobbing had stopped and she seemed to have regained her composure. "Look, cdcaughtthrowaway. I love you, more than anything in this world. You know that when you're unhappy, I'm unhappy, and ultimately all that I ever do is for you and your sister. Above all, I want you to be happy, no matter what. This hobby of yours obviously means a lot to you, and because of that, I'll have to learn to accept it. Understand that this is new to me, and it won't happen overnight. It'll take some getting used to for me. You'll always be my son, whether you're wearing a dress or wearing pants." She said. She then came over and gave me a kiss on the cheek, and hugged me in close. My dad soon joined and wrapped both of us in his arms. I exhaled for the first time since the night before when those damn lacy panties had been found on the bathroom floor. After my mom broke the hug, she smiled and said "Alright then...I guess this will get some getting used to. So how about you get dressed now...just so I don't get surprised one day and think you're some robber." she winked. *Wow. What in the heck. I thought this would be a lot harder, with a lot more yelling. But not only is she supportive, but she wants me to see what I look like dressed? * Well, I simply couldn't pass this opportunity up. For the first time ever, I would be sharing this very personal thing with my family. And I felt great as I walked up the stairs to my room. Finally, I wasn't sprinting up these stairs to try to get every second of dressing time I could possibly get. I went to my closet and opened up the trunk I had kept locked and hidden for so long. I took out my cosmetic bag and went to the half bookshelf with the mirror above it. I cleared all the little knickknacks on there, replacing them with my lipstick tubes, and my brushes, and my makeup palettes, and finally my brunette wig on its Styrofoam head. I went to my closet, clearing out half of the rod which held some clothes that I had outgrown. I took them off their hangers and started hanging, hanging dresses, skirts, tank tops, anything I could. I went to my underwear drawer and made some space, finally having a permanent place to keep my bras and panties. I set the black flats and brown ankle boots next to my Jordans and my track sneakers. I looked at the empty trunk with satisfaction. Now it was time to go to work: boy clothes came off, panties and bra came on. A grey sweater dress(one of the more conservative pieces of attire that I owned) went over my underwear, and the outfit was finished off with my black flats. I didn't have to rush on my makeup, and finally took some time to be careful with my eyeliner pencil and not haphazardly smear lipstick on. I brushed my wig-hair out and let it fall down my back. I was ready. It was time. I sauntered down the stairs. Not a sprint, not in a rush. I took one final look in the mirror in the hallway leading to the living room. I straightened my wig, and before I took my final step into the room, I let out an exhale. A final, cathartic exhale. An exhale from a breath I had been holding since I was 8, since that damn episode of Suite Life of Zack and Cody. I stepped into the living room. tl;dr: Talked to my mom, she at first thought I was trans, was willing to support me regardless, it might be a rough road as she learns to accept me, but at least it'll be less bumpy than I had previously thought. One big happy family again :) Just writing these three posts has helped me so much. I don't think I would've been able to keep myself bottled up so much longer. I want to take this time to thank all of you who have supported me, sent me encouraging comments and PMs, and in general been encouraging throughout the past two days. Your words have helped take some of the anxiety away from the whole situation. Thanks for being great to me Reddit. EDIT: I initially didn't want to edit this post, but I'll do it to maybe clear up some things: yes, I know, it might sound fake. I was a bit hesitant about posting because I knew it would come off as just a bunch of cliches, but I guess all I can do is say that it's the truth, (almost) exactly as it happened. I'm only as good as my word, which isn't much on the internet, but have a little faith in me. -I'm sorry, but I'm not going to post pics. I'm just not comfortable with sharing that side of me with the internet. Yet. Maybe one day you'll find me over on /r/crossdressing or something, but not now. And I'm also afraid of someone from my school finding out Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost. submitted by /u/KittenDealinMama to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Do you feel stale? Is your wardrobe a little tired? Are the fashionable styles increasingly different from your own wardrobe? Is the last time you went shopping 10 years ago? Do you find yourself uttering the phrase “cold dead hands” in the same sentence as “skinny jeans”? You might be a Millennial with an outdated wardrobe. It’s not a sin - if you still feel fun, fresh, and comfortable in your wardrobe, that’s cool, and feel free to click away. No one’s taking away your skinny jeans. If, however, you’re wondering how to update your wardrobe, make it feel a little fresher, and look more current, then you’re in the right place. The important thing to know is that a wardrobe update doesn’t mean that you need to throw away all your clothes and start over - unless that’s what you desire. You can update some key pieces and restyle some old ones in order to refresh your wardrobe and keep up with the times. The other thing to keep in mind is that wanting to be more current, and updating your wardrobe doesn’t mean you need to dress like a teenager. Nor does wanting a current wardrobe mean you’re desperately trying to look 20. It’s about being interested in style and wanting to remain current, stylish, and even - god forbid - trendy. Being interested in fashion and wanting to look modern isn’t just for the kids. Step 1 - Skinny jeans We all know why you’re here, skinny jeans and your cold dead hands. Skinny jeans have become somewhat of a security blanket for a lot of people. It was the dominant silhouette for so long, and a lot of our wardrobes have been created around that. However, just like your college boyfriend, just because it’s comfortable and you met them when you were 20, it doesn’t mean you’re married to them until you die. Keeping your skinnies Of course, no one is forcing anyone to give up their skinny jeans. Contrary to popular belief, the trend police will not break into your house to take them away, and your cold dead hands are safe, they needn’t be deployed. If you’re not going to replace them, then you can use a different styling approach. Styling them the same way you have been for 15 years will inevitably feel stale and old-fashioned. But that can be remedied by making some changes and tweaking other elements in your wardrobe. If you’re wearing skinny jeans, Don’t do this: These are examples that together create looks that can feel a little stale, old-fashioned, and less than fresh. Just like skinny jeans, it doesn’t mean that you have to throw away these things, but maybe don’t style them together, in the exact same way you did in 2010. 1 Low/mid waist Example: low rise look Well, what’s wrong with low/mid-rise? And wait, isn’t low rise coming back in style? Yes, it is. Just not in skinny jeans. When the pants style changes (every 15 to 20 years), that usually brings a change in silhouette. In this case, we have moved from skinny bottom, oversized top, to skinny top, oversized bottom. In that case, wearing a slim, cropped shirt and low-rise, wide-leg pants is an outfit with a nice balance, that is meant to emphasize the midriff. Wearing the same cropped outfit with low-rise skinny jeans throws off the visual balance and just ends up looking like you’ve outgrown your clothes because both elements are tight. Seeing as tucking a shirt in or wearing a more cropped, boxy top is currently in style, that also poses a problem with mid or low rises, because they are very awkward to tuck into. Once again, it disrupts the proportions and the visual balance. Tucking into low or mid rise skinny pants forces a 50/50 proportion that is both unnatural and not out of left field enough to be avant-garde. It’s just awkward. 2 Tunics/long sweaters Example: tunic top look Again, an issue of silhouette. Wearing skinny jeans with a tunic is probably your comfort zone, and while there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s not going to read as modern or stylish. If that’s your goal, then I’d avoid pairing skinnies with any kind of long top. “Skinny jeans and a nice top” can still be your go-to, but consider updating the style of the top. A top with more structure and more waist emphasis will read more modern than a long, loose, shapeless top. If you’re still keen on covering the derriere, then a boxy, oversized sweater or top with structure is a fresher alternative. 3 Thin long cardigans Example: look with long cardigan Cardigans made out of thin materials have never been especially flattering, because they tend to cling. It also makes it difficult to layer underneath them. The slimmer and thinner the cardigan, the bulkier the layers under it. A long, unstructured cardigan over skinny jeans is also an outdated silhouette. There are still duster cardigans out there, but they’re heavier, chunkier, and a little more oversized, occasionally with a tie waist. They allow layering and look more structured and less boho. 4 Ballet flats Example: ballet flat outfit Grab your tutus, ballet flats are actually coming back into fashion. But paired with skinny jeans, the look is straight out of 2010. Thin soles and light, “nothing”-type shoes are definitely not the freshest style (yes, that includes Rothys, but that’s a conversation for next time), but they can still be passable with a more modern pants cut - preferably something straight or wide leg, and cropped. The new ballet flats are also more dance-inspired, with specific detailing, so the round toe Tory Burch flats from 2008 are not exactly cutting edge. 5 Low ankle boots Example: low ankle boots outfit Like ballet flats, the time of low ankle boots has come and gone. Once, skinny jeans and ankle boots were the power couple of the early 2010s, now it’s just what middle-aged moms wear out to date night at Cheesecake Factory. And there’s nothing wrong with any of that! But the ankle boot has also had a makeover - the shaft is higher, the heel is thicker, and the sole is chunkier. The Cheesecake Factory regulars won’t know what hit them. 6 Tight knee high/OTK boots Example: OTK boots look I know skinny jeans and slim over the knee boots go together like peanut butter and jelly. And they did - for years and years. Which is precisely why that particular combination will read as dated. You can still keep both, just change up the styling, and don’t pair them together. Knee high boots are back in style, but instead of a 2010s slim riding boot, it’s a wider, more generous cut with a chunkier sole. The OTK boots can also still be worn, but rather with a mini skirt/dress, a slim midi skirt, or a pair of winter-weight shorts, like leather or tweed. 7 Graphic tees Example: graphic t-shirt look If anything in your house or wardrobe says “Live, Laugh, Love”, I urge you to get rid of it immediately. Same with any saying related to coffee or the word “vibe”. You’ll thank me later. Now, I’m not saying you can’t wear graphic t-shirts with skinny jeans. I’m saying the type of graphic t-shirt has changed a lot over the last 15 years. The slim fit, tiny sleeve crew neck t-shirts with flowery Etsy font is dead, you can downgrade it to the shirts you wear when you’re cleaning or painting. So is the thin, loose, cropped, 80s t-shirt that says “Bridesmaid”. Instead, an oversized and boxy, OR straight fit t-shirt is the more modern and current option. Neither long nor short, neither wide nor tight, a comfortably loose t-shirt with a regular short sleeve is a perfect basic, non-offensive choice for any woman of any age. If it has to have a graphic, make it a band tee. Not something that says “Namaste”. 8 Big slouchy bags Example: big purse outfit The LV Neverfull is a practical bag, I know, but wearing it with cropped skinny jeans and ballet flats looks like you’re cosplaying Christian Girl Autumn 10 years too late. A canvas tote bag is a more modern choice, or a sleek leather backpack. You’ve got both the comfort and the style. For smaller bags and needs, an uncertain-shaped cross-body is also going to date your outfit. Try to be more intentional with the bag choice and shape. Something more structured, with a top handle (as well as a cross body strap) is a fresher choice. Or a small, perhaps embellished, backpack. Do this instead: I would like to first preface this by saying that you do not have to do ALL of these. These are also not mandates. They’re options. I picked a few different categories where updating other elements of your outfit can make skinny jeans feel less stale in 2023, something for everyone. 1 High waist Example: high-waisted look Updating the rise is the easiest way to bring your skinnies into 2023. A higher rise gives you some new and modern styling options, including tucking tops into your jeans or wearing tops that are more cropped - t-shirts, shirts, blouses, hoodies, jackets - they all look better with a higher rise to balance out the silhouette. High waisted jeans make your legs look longer, they emphasize the waist, and are comfortable to sit in, since the waist should hit at your natural waist, above your stomach, and not cutting into it. 2 Full length hems Example: full length skinnies outfit Another style element that betrays the age of your skinny jeans is that outdated, scrunched or cropped look. This may very well be a matter of opinion, but cropped skinny jeans don’t work as well as other cropped styles. Because they’re so tight, it visually strangles your calf instead of highlighting the ankle and has the opposite effect. The overly long, scrunched look is not just outdated, it’s a sign your jeans don’t fit well. Petites, hem your skinny jeans - or buy the cropped ones as full length). Full length skinnies have a more streamlined look and work better with any type of shoe. 3 Belts Example: belted skinnies look A high rise goes great with a belt, both to highlight your waist - if that’s the look you’re after - and to serve as an extra accessory and styling device. Belting your jeans can tie in your shoes or bag in a nice way, or it can visually break up a fit that needs a little extra something-something. Be advised that belting a pair of pants that do not sit at your waist will emphasize your hips or stomach, so if you’re not keen on making that area seem wider, then avoid belting and/or tucking into mid or low rise bottoms. 4 Cropped cardigans Example: boxy cardi look It’s time to let go of this weird notion that a cropped silhouette is only for 15 year-olds. A cropped top, shirt, cardigan, jacket, etc. is simply a change in silhouette and proportion and it does not - I repeat, it does not mean that you’re necessarily showing off your midriff or that it’s a strictly “youthful” style. The key to incorporating a cropped element is to pair it with high rise bottoms - in this case, your skinnies. Styling them with an opposite style cardigan - short and bulky, instead of long and thin - automatically freshens up the look and brings them into 2023. High rise + crop shirt is an excellent way to emphasize the waist or create an hourglass or pear silhouette. Like a belt, the “break” in the outfit can be a much needed styling element to take the outfit from basic to stylish. 5 Oversized blazers Example: oversized blazer outfit Raise your hand if you wore skinny jeans, low cut ankle boots and a blazer in 2010. I’m not knocking it, it’s a good look, but when worn all together, it dates you. But you can update the look by swapping out the blazer with a more current, oversized style. An oversized blazer vs. a shorter, slimmer fit one from the 2010s makes great contrast with the tightness of the pants and it gives the outfit a cooler, slightly masculine edge. While an all-tight outfit can look a little try-hard, an oversized element makes it a little cooler and more modern. 6 Tucked in tops Example: tucked in look Tucking is one of my favorite styling choices and I can’t find much fault with it. In fact, it may very well make skinny jeans look modern. Like belts and crop tops, tucking in a shirt achieves the same waist emphasis we’re going for and it pulls away from the outdated lowrise + muffin top + long shirt look of the 2010s. 7 Chunky shoes Example: platform boots look Shoes can totally transform an outfit, including taking it from 2013 to 2023. No one’s trying to take away your heeled ankle boots, but consider pairing those with a cropped straight leg instead, and swap them out for a pair of chunky loafers or platform boot in a skinny jean outfit. Same with ballet flats, let’s mix and match trends and decades instead of doing The Greatest Hits of 2011 from head to toe. 8 Voluminous tops Example: voluminous top outfit So we said no long tops - what do we do for “nice” tops, instead? There are a few different details that make for a modern top. Volume is one of the key words, so a top that is short and boxy OR that has voluminous sleeves OR a voluminous collar, etc. Very feminine corset tops are also very popular, with or without sleeves or straps. Square necklines are extremely flattering on everyone and can be the one feature on an otherwise completely basic top that can have long sleeves or be tucked into the pants, etc. As for sweaters, bulky wins over slim fitting for a modern look. Alternatives to skinny jeans If you’re ready to move on and see what else is out there, then a world of new styles awaits you. You’ll be surprised at how much variety and excitement you can add to your wardrobe with one simple jean style swap. The beautiful thing about transitional periods in fashion is that there’s something for everybody. There is no primary cut or style, so you can find anything. Slim, baggy, wide leg, bell bottoms, bootcuts, high rise, low, or mid, it’s all out there, and you can make any of them work for you. Straight leg jeans A good alternative are straight leg jeans and pants - the shape is not a huge departure from your usual, while still being more modern. Straight leg jeans still allow for some of your longer tops to be worn without looking baggy from top to bottom, you can still wear them with higher boots if you want, and they’re not very adventurous, which means they’re never the focus of the outfit itself. They can play it safe and be quietly understated to support other, more interesting design elements, whether it’s a big sleeve, a bold color, a collar, a ruffle, interesting buttons, or other detailing on your top, coat, or accessories. This style can still be successfully worn with a boxier or longer sweater, for example, without looking outdated. Example: 1. straight leg 1 2. straight leg 2 3. straight leg 3 4. straight leg 4 5. straight leg 5 Mom jeans Mom jeans are the cut that largely replaced skinny jeans back in 2015-2016. Favored because they’re very high waisted, with more room in the hips, and a flattering, conical shape, they are as comfortable as they are durable, owing to their rigid, 100% cotton fabric. However, because of the lack of elastane in their composition, mom jeans are trickier to size, so a few shopping trips may be necessary. For skinny jeans wearers, the familiar thing with mom jeans is that they retain the high waist, and you’re still showing off your shoes, as they’re closely cut around the ankle, and usually a little cropped. Like straight leg jeans, an oversized, untucked top can still look good and fresh with this cut because of the conical shape. They slim down towards the ankle, giving the leg a little shape that contrasts with the baggy top, if you don’t want to go for a loose-on-loose silhouette. Example: 1. mom jeans 1 2. mom jeans 2 3. mom jeans 3 4. mom jeans 4 5. mom jeans 5 Wide leg jeans The other prominent cut that arose in the meantime are wide leg jeans, which are very much a total departure from skinny jeans, in terms of shape and style. However, they have become extremely popular, even among older Millennials, because they’re very comfortable. High waisted, with a lot of room in the hips and leg, wide leg jeans allow for free movement and completely eliminate the constricted feeling skinny jeans can sometimes be guilty of. Usually cropped, they still allow you to show off your shoes, and are surprisingly versatile. They can be successfully worn with boots, sandals, loafers, birks, heels, or flats - they go with pretty much anything. Personally, I prefer them with boots. Example: 1. wide leg jeans 1 2. wide leg jeans 2 3. wide leg jeans 3 4. wide leg jeans 4 5. wide leg jeans 5 Flared jeans However, you can also obtain some of the same effects as skinnies with bootcut or flared pants. When you think about it, flared pants aren’t all that different. Yes, the flare at the bottom is a change in silhouette and it’s more visual interest than you’re used to having with pants. However, the top is very much still the same fit as skinny jeans, if what you’re concerned about is losing a “flattering” shape around your waist/butt/thighs. Flares tend to be the same skinny shape on top, and still have elastane. The only thing you’re trading in is the way you’re pairing your shoes. The longer hems visually elongate the legs, but they do usually cover the shoes, so more thought will need to be put into that. Heels work best paired with flared pants, but with the chunky, platform styles of today, flats can also be worn successfully with bootcut and flared, and wide leg pants, even without dragging and stepping on your hems. Example: 1. flared jeans 1 2. flared jeans 2 3. flared jeans 3 4. flared jeans 4 5. flared jeans 5 I’d also like to make a note that hair, makeup, and general styling (like jewelry) also make a big impact in the way outfits are perceived. With a modern, intentional haircut, any outfit automatically reads are more stylish, instead of just the first thing you grabbed that looked like pants. Makeup plays an equally big role. Overplucked eyebrows made an entire generation of women look like they were stuck in the past, as does harsh contouring, and other major elements of hair and makeup, like thick, blocky eyebrows. The Kate Gosselin haircut, the too-light blonde hair curled with a 2-inch barrel curling iron that every single woman on Pinterest has, the ring finger painted in a different color than all the others. Think of those ladies who wore permed hair and blue eyeshadow into the 90s and 00s. You don’t want to be the 2023 version of that lady - unless you do it extremely well and intentional for the camp factor. If you found this helpful, I’m interested in creating more spotlight posts on specific items that can be updated. We could just do bigger categories - shoes, outerwear, dresses, etc. or we could focus on one specific item people are finding particularly difficult to part with, but would like to freshen up. If you have any ideas or requests, please let me know. You can read part 2 about office wear here: https://www.reddit.com/r/femalefashionadvice/comments/11m7yxr/updating_an_outdated_wardrobe_part_2_office_wear/ submitted by /u/squeegee-beckenheim to r/femalefashionadvice [link] [comments]

The link to article is here: https://amp.sacbee.com/news/local/crime/article260342530.html The article states: “Six weeks after Sherri Papini was arrested and charged with faking her own kidnapping in 2016, the so-called Super Mom from Redding has signed a plea deal and will admit that she orchestrated the hoax, her attorney told The Sacramento Bee on Tuesday. William Portanova, a prominent Sacramento defense attorney who signed onto the case in late March, said Papini, 39, signed a plea agreement Tuesday morning in which she will plead guilty to counts of lying to a federal officer and mail fraud. “We are taking this case in an entirely new direction,” said Portanova, a former federal prosecutor. “Everything that has happened before today stops today.” Papini issued a statement through her attorney expressing remorse. “I am deeply ashamed of myself for my behavior and so sorry for the pain I’ve caused my family, my friends, all the good people who needlessly suffered because of my story and those who worked so hard to try to help me,” Papini said in her statement. “I will work the rest of my life to make amends for what I have done.” The plea agreement has been delivered to prosecutors in the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Sacramento, which filed a charging document called an “information” Tuesday afternoon charging her with 34 counts of mail fraud and one count of making false statements. “Defendant Sherri Papini knowingly planned and participated in her own hoax kidnapping and then made materially false statements to FBI agents about the circumstances of her disappearance and committed mail fraud based on her hoax kidnapping,” plea agreement documents filed in federal court say. She is scheduled to appear before a magistrate judge Wednesday and another hearing Monday morning where she has agreed to plead guilty to one count of mail fraud and one count of making false statements and admit she made up the kidnap story that riveted the nation five years ago. Papini was arrested by FBI agents March 3 and charged with lying to federal agents and wire fraud following years of investigation into the supposed kidnap case. She was accused of lying to authorities in an August 2020 interview with the FBI despite agents warning her in advance that lying to the FBI is a crime, court documents say. “She was presented with evidence that showed she had not been abducted,” U.S. Attorney Phil Talbert’s office said in a statement announcing the charges. “Instead of retracting her kidnapping story, Papini continued to make false statements about her purported abductors.” Authorities say her Nov. 2, 2016, disappearance from her Shasta County home had nothing to do with a kidnap case. Instead, court documents say she was staying at an ex-boyfriend’s apartment in Costa Mesa. The FBI visited the ex-boyfriend’s home on June 9, 2020, and collected items from his garbage, including a green tea bottle that was analyzed and found to have DNA matching some collected from Papini’s clothing, court documents say. The ex later told FBI agents that he had helped Papini “run away” after she claimed her husband was abusing her, court documents say. No police reports alleging such abuse were ever filed. Papini reappeared three weeks after she vanished, turning up on Thanksgiving Day near Woodland, 146 miles south of her home. She had a chain around her waist and one arm, and various injuries. “She appeared to have lost a considerable amount of weight, and her long blonde hair had been cut much shorter,” court documents say. “She had been branded on her right shoulder, although the exact content of the brand was indistinguishable. “Papini’s nose was swollen, she had bruises on her face, rashes on her left arm and left upper inner thigh as well as other parts of her body, ligature marks on her wrists and ankles, burns on her left forearm, and bruising on her pelvis and the fronts of both legs.” She also had a story about her “abduction,” telling authorities “two Hispanic women” had kidnapped her and tortured her for weeks as they kept her chained to a pole in a closet and played “that really annoying Mexican music” loudly, court documents say. Her disappearance generated international headlines and rallies supporting her, as well as a GoFundMe account that raised $49,000. She also received $30,000 from the California Victim Compensation Board, and used the money for therapy sessions, ambulance services and $1,000 to buy window blinds for her home, court documents say. The use of those funds is the basis for the mail fraud charge. “The statements in Papini’s CalVCB application were false,” court documents say. “Papini was not ordered into a vehicle by two people with handguns, she was not held captive for 22 days, she did not attempt to escape several times, and she had not fully cooperated with the investigation. “In truth and in fact, at her own request, Papini was picked up by Ex-Boyfriend who was driving a rental car, and voluntarily rode with Ex-Boyfriend from the Redding area all the way south to his house in Costa Mesa. Papini voluntarily stayed at Ex-Boyfriend’s house for approximately 22 days, was not held captive, and did not attempt to escape because she was not restrained and was free to leave at any time. “Furthermore, rather than cooperating with the investigation, Papini lied about the circumstances of her disappearance to law enforcement.” The charges could have netted Papini up to 20 years and a $500,000 fine. Prosecutors have not yet filed a sentencing memo that details their recommended sentence. Papini initially was held in the Sacramento County Main Jail for five nights before a judge released her to home confinement and her family posted a $120,000 bond.” The AP has also confirmed this as well. submitted by /u/Straight-Meaning to r/UnresolvedMysteries [link] [comments]

I broke my ankle 4 months ago, and now knew that I'm over weight with 20 KG of fat and I need to heal through physiotherapy at the same time, so I'm seeing a doctor at the gym. I have to stay for more than 3 hours cause my case is more of practicing, I also have to treat my ankle, so I spend lots of time seeing lots other guys and girls, even older people. I noticed that I'm one of the worst bodies around, I'm obese, weak and inexperienced. Most of the guys have really better bodies and looks than me, I look in the mirror and I see myself as a short fat person who also happend to sprain his ankle badly. I'm also the weakest of all. I look like I'm dying while training my abs or cycling while other guys are chill and really look like those trainers on YouTube. Even girls and older women can carry more weights than me. I also feel that I'm not doing the training the right way all the time and I'm constantly doubting myself. Did anyone had this feeling and thoughts before? And how did you get over it? submitted by /u/Abdullah_super to r/AskMen [link] [comments]

Hey guys, it's been awhile! Hope you are all having a wonderful Chinese new year for those who celebrate. As usual, I've collected a few interesting studies and wrote short summaries of them for all of you to read. All for educational purposes and to spark some discussion. The paper on sleep is not entirely related to fitness but it is health-related and I thought it would be interesting nonetheless. The first study we will look at is a review written by Schoenfeld & Aragon (2018) and it asks the question: how much protein can muscles use for growth in one meal? This is actually a common question thrown around in the fitness world as a lot of people want to be as efficient as possible and want to maximize protein’s effects on muscle growth in each meal. However, as odd as it sounds, sometimes the question is asked incorrectly. For the question above, some people will ask how much protein can be absorbed in one meal as opposed to how much can be used for muscle growth maximally. All protein will be absorbed but the real question is what happens to all of it afterwards. The review highlights the study conducted by Areta et al. (2013) which is commonly cited to say that 20–25 grams of protein is the maximum number that muscles can use for hypertrophy (muscular growth). In this study, trained individuals were given different amounts of protein in a 12 hour period post-workout. Some were supplemented with 10 grams every 1.5 hours, some 20 grams every 3 hours and some 40 grams every 6 hours. In this experiment, the group that consumed 20 grams had the greatest rates of muscle protein synthesis (a fancy term to describe the building of muscles with protein). This would suggest that eating around 20 grams of protein at a time would be the best for building muscle. The biggest limitation that this review noted in the aforementioned study was that the total protein amounts used over the 12 hour period were quite low practically. Individuals training for hypertrophy would be consuming much greater amounts of protein overall. To challenge the previous study, the review presents a paper done by Macnaughton et al. (2016) in which 40 grams of protein elicited greater muscle protein synthesis than 20 grams in the context of full body training. Another experiment carried out by Kim et al. (2016) found that 70g of beef protein showed a more significant anabolic response than 40g of beef protein. However, it should be noted that this response was measured as a whole body response and not just for muscle protein synthesis. Therefore, it is impossible to say which amount is better for muscle protein synthesis in the context of this study. For women, Arnal et al. (1999, 2000) found that one meal with a large amount of protein was better than the same amount spread across several meals in regards to muscle retention. These results are interesting but a limitation to extrapolation is that no resistance training was taking place amongst the subjects. Muscle retention is also similar between those who follow intermittent fasting and those who diet continuously (Seimon et al., 2015). This would suggest that daily protein taken all at once would have the same effects on muscle as spreading out your protein intake across the day. In the end, the authors of this review recommend 0.4–0.55 g/kg/meal which follows daily recommended intakes stated in a meta-analysis produced by Morton et al. (2017). TL;DR: It still is not clear what the optimum number of grams of protein per meal for maximizing muscular growth is but 0.4–0.55 g/kg/meal appears to be a safe recommendation based on the current literature. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — We will now eat into a study done by Lee et al. (2018) in which differences between the conventional deadlift and the Romanian deadlift were investigated. For those who do not know what a Romanian deadlift is, it is essentially a normal deadlift starting from the top (barbell at waist) and then descending the barbell down until the hamstrings cannot stretch any further while not flexing at the lumbar spine. The knees cannot bend further than roughly 15 degrees. It may sound like a stiff-legged deadlift, however, in a stiff legged deadlift, you generally start from the bottom and your knees are allowed to bend more allowing you to bring the barbell to the floor. If you are referring to the straight-legged deadlift, the knees would not flex at all and the barbell would not drag along the legs in the descent. The study recruited 21 males with at least 3 years of both conventional and Romanian deadlift experience with their training occurring at least twice a week. The first day involved 1 repetition maximum testing as this would facilitate selecting the appropriate load for the participants during the trial (subjects would be doing 5 reps of each lift at 70% of their 1 repetition maximum). To examine muscle activation, the scientists used electromyography. To put it simply, this is where electrodes are pasted over certain muscles to measure the electrical activity from the muscles. The conventional deadlift showed more activation in the rectus femoris (a quadricep muscle, one that helps extend your knee and flex your hip) and slightly more activation in the gluteus maximus (your butt). Activation of the biceps femoris (a hamstring muscle) was similar between the two lifts which is interesting considering that many believe that the Romanian deadlift helps target the hamstrings better compared to the conventional deadlift. Torque (force produced about a joint) was much higher in the knee for the conventional deadlift which was probably expected considering the knee goes through a much larger range of motion. Similarly, the torque measured at the ankles were also higher in the conventional deadlifts which may suggest higher calf muscle activity though this was not measured in the study. Some important design aspects to note that affect generalizability is that we may see different results with different loads/intensities. Another issue regarding intensity is that the loads were selected according to the 1 repetition maximum of the subject’s Romanian deadlift. Therefore, the conventional deadlift loads may not truly be 70% of their conventional deadlift 1 repetition maximum. It is safe to say that the intensities in this study were likely not matched. Finally, the hamstrings consist of several muscles but only one hamstring muscle was observed during the experiment. TL;DR: The conventional deadlift may be better at targetting the quadriceps and the gluteal muscles. Against what is commonly thought, the Romanian deadlift may not be better than the conventional deadlift at hitting the hamstrings, however, more comprehensive electromyography analysis should be done before making a solid statement. EDIT: As pointed out by u/bleearch, the Romanian deadlift may be beneficial for those who have knee problems as you get to enjoy the same hamstring activation while going through less knee torque. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — A large study conducted by Wild et al. (2018) explored the effects of duration of sleep on cognition. The team created a questionnaire which tested various human cognitive aspects like short-term memory, reasoning, spatial working and planning. However, the main areas that were being observed were short term memory, reasoning and verbal ability. At the same time, questions about sleep were asked to see the relationship between the person’s sleep and their cognitive ability. The questionnaire was set up as an online survey in which they were able to gather 10,886 subjects. Firstly, it appears that as a person ages, their sleep duration decreases. All areas of cognition were affected by sleep duration except for short term memory. This is likely because short term memory is a low-order cognitive process, it is not as complex as something like problem solving. Looking at the graphs below, we can clearly see an inverted-U for almost all cognitive areas which tells us that both too little and too much sleep has negative effects on cognition. Even when the authors thinned the analyzed subjects by removing extremes from both ends of the results, they still saw the inverted-U. https://imgur.com/NFHXzuV The most optimal sleep duration for overall cognitive ability according to these results is 7.38 hours. Any duration over 8 hours likely has a negative effect on cognition and the authors were able to reliably find negative effects below 6.26 hours of sleep. It was also highlighted that even a single night of sleep had effects on cognition the next day. People who are chronically poor sleepers can benefit from just a single night of good quality sleep and the same vice-versa (good sleepers are affected by one bad night). Sleeping less than usual or sleeping 2.76 hours more than usual on one night showed negative effects for cognition on average. Despite sleep duration decreasing with age, the results showed that age has no effect on the relationship between sleep duration and cognitive ability. An interesting fact illustrated by this study is that if one were to sleep less than four hours in a night, you would experience a cognitive impairment that is the same as adding 8 years to your age (cognitive ability worsens with age). Clear limitations of this study include the cross-sectional nature of the study (we are only looking at a snapshot of these people’s lives, long term effects of sleep duration are not seen), the lack of people over 70 years old as well as children / adolescents and the fact that all these results were self-reported. Regarding the last point, the authors explain that the self-reporting still has moderate correlation with objective data. TL;DR: Getting 7 hours of sleep appears to be optimal for cognition. Sleeping any less or more shows some cognitive deficit. Even a one night’s sleep can show acute effects on cognition. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — The next study is a new meta-analysis done by Grgic et al. (2019) seeing whether or not the time of the day you do your training has an effect on muscle growth or strength. A meta analysis is where you pool the results of several studies together and is generally seen as the greatest form of scientific evidence. Previous research appears to be equivocal in regards to the effects of training time and muscle strength/growth with some studies showing a more positive effect in evening training and some presenting no difference at all between times. In total, the authors collected 11 studies for analysis. At baseline, people were stronger in the evening which suggests that people are naturally stronger in the evening. The authors postulate that this could be due to increased body temperatures in the evening or perhaps some hormonal reason. People who trained in the morning had no difference between strength tests in the morning or evening. However, those who trained the evening were stronger than they were in the morning. This introduces a benefit to morning training as it will make you stronger throughout the entire day in contrast to evening training which would only make you stronger in the evening. In terms of muscle hypertrophy, no differences were found at all. Unfortunately, all of these studies used maximal voluntary contractions to measure strength instead of 1 repetition maximum tests. 1 repetition maximum tests are more practical because they test the strength of movements that you actually train in the gym. There are also not many studies looking at time of training and muscle hypertrophy thus presenting a gap in the literature. Finally, the studies were quite heterogeneous in terms of participants’ ages. TL;DR: People seem to be stronger in the evening at baseline, however, unlike evening training, morning training will make you stronger throughout the entire day. Any conclusions regarding muscle growth is difficult to make due to the paucity of research on the subject though for now there appears to be no relationship. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — The last paper we will look at was written by Gonçalves et al. (2017). Caffeine is a stimulant that is often consumed prior to training to boost muscular strength and endurance. Its effects are well documented and the research strongly supports caffeine as a valuable ergogenic aid (Grgic et al., 2018). The paper at hand investigated the effects of habitual caffeine intake on its efficacy during training. In other words, they ask if one were to consume caffeine regularly, would they build a tolerance to it and experience less of its benefits in training? The most likely theory for the way caffeine works is that it binds to adenosine receptors in the body. Amongst many functions, adenosine can make one feel sleepy and even bring down the heart rate of the body. Now, the worries that caffeine may have a reduced effect with habitual intake stem from the process where caffeine use will cause the body to create more adenosine receptors which allows more adenosine to bind to its receptors. The scientists recruited 40 male, trained cyclists to take part in the experiment. The study was designed in a crossover manner and in a double-blinded fashion. A crossover study means that all the participants got to try all treatments. In this case, every subject was supplemented with 6 mg/kg of caffeine for a week, was given a placebo for another week and was given nothing for another week. A double blind simply means that neither the scientists nor the subjects knew which treatment was being administered which helps reduce bias. The cyclists were grouped according to their caffeine intake prior to being recruited into the study. The low intake group consumed 58 mg/day on average, the moderate intake group at 143 mg/day and the high intake group at 351 mg/day. To put these numbers into perspective, the high intake group is worth about 4.5 250ml cans of Red Bull in terms of caffeine. The first day involved some simple body measurements as well as some testing to determine how much the cyclists needed to perform during real testing later on. The next couple of days consisted of familiarization with the time trial tests that the cyclists would have to do. The time trial basically required each cyclist to cycle a certain amount and then the time to completion would be measured. Caffeine 24 hours before the time trial was restricted and a 24 hour dietary recall before each test was also implemented to control caffeine intake. Subjects fasted 6 hours before each time trial and if they were being supplemented with 6 mg/kg of caffeine, it was done 1 hour before the time trial. Rate of perceived exertion was also measured throughout the trial. Cyclists performed 2–3% better when on caffeine compared to placebo/control. There was no difference between placebo and control. Rate of perceived exertion was similar between all treatments. The same trends were seen regardless of caffeine intake habits. That is to say, even they were in the high habitual intake group, the benefits from caffeine were the same. It would appear that regardless of whether or not you consume a lot of caffeine, you can still reap all the ergogenic benefits of the stimulant. However, I am curious to see if we would see the same results in a strength training context. Also, it is worth noting that these results can only be generalized to males. TL;DR: Whether you use a lot of caffeine or not, you will not build a tolerance and not experience less benefits during training. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — Areta, J. L., Burke, L. M., Ross, M. L., Camera, D. M., West, D. W. D, Broad, E. M., … Coffey, V. G. (2013). Timing and distribution of protein ingestion during prolonged recovery from resistance exercise alters myofibrillar protein synthesis. The Journal of Physiology, 591(9), 2319–2331. Arnal, M. A., Mosoni, L., Boirie, Y., Houlier, M. L., Morin, L., Verdier, E., … Mirand, P. P. (1999). Protein pulse feeding improves protein retention in elderly women. American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, 69(6), 1202–1208. Arnal, M. A., Mosoni, L., Boirie, Y., Houlier, M. L., Morin, L., Verdier, E., … Mirand, P. P. (2000). Protein feeding pattern does not affect protein retention in young women. The Journal of Nutrition, 130(7), 1700–1704. Gonçalves, L. S., Painelli, V. S., Yamaguchi, G., Oliveria, L. F., Saunders, B., Silva, R. P., … Gualano, B. (2017). Dispelling the myth that habitual caffeine consumption influences the performance response to acute caffeine supplementation. Journal of Applied Physiology, 123(1), 213–220. Grgic, J., Lazinica, B., Garofolini, A., Schoenfeld, B., Saner, N. J. & Mikulic, P. (2019). The effects of time of day-specific resistance training on adaptations in skeletal muscle hypertrophy and muscle strength: A systematic review and meta-analysis. The Journal of Biological and Medical Rhythm Research, , 1–12. Grgic, P. & Pickering, C. (2018). The effects of caffeine ingestion on isokinetic muscular strength: A meta-analysis. Journal of Science and Medicine in Sport, 22(3), 353–360. Kim, I., Schutzler, S., Schrader, A., Spencer, H. J., Azhar, G., Ferrando, A. A. & Wolfe, R. R. (2016). The anabolic response to a meal containing different amounts of protein is not limited by the maximal stimulation of protein synthesis in healthy young adults. American Journal of Physiology-Endocrinology and Metabolism, 310(1), E73–E80. Lee, S., Schultz, J., Timgren, J., Staelgraeve, K., Miller, M. & Liu, Y. (2018). An electromyographic and kinetic comparison of conventional and Romanian deadlifts. Journal of Exercise Science & Fitness, 16(3), 87–93. Macnaughton, L. S., Wardle, S. L., Witard, O. C., McGlory, C., Hamilton, D. L., Jeromson, S., … Tipton, K. D. (2016). The response of muscle protein synthesis following whole‐body resistance exercise is greater following 40 g than 20 g of ingested whey protein. Physiological Reports, 4(15), e12893. Morton, R. W., Murphy, K. T., McKellar, S. R., Schoenfeld, B., Henselmans, M., Helms, E., … Phillips, S. M. (2017). A systematic review, meta-analysis and meta-regression of the effect of protein supplementation on resistance training-induced gains in muscle mass and strength in healthy adults. British Journal of Sports Medicine, 52(6), 376–384. Schoenfeld, B. & Aragon, A. (2018). How much protein can the body use in a single meal for muscle-building? Implications for daily protein distribution. Journal of the International Society of Sports Nutrition, 15(10), . Seimon, R. V., Roekenes, J. A., Zibellini, J., Zhu, B., Gibson, A. 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This one's kind of long. TL;DR: Friend's ex-boyfriend's crazy bitch mother tries to kidnap a baby, falls on the baby in the process and injures him, gets punched and arrested.   This is another tale of Friend and BoyfriendA's mother (BFA-M). Bitchbot can fill you in somewhat on BFA-M. As noted previously, Friend has had two boyfriends in the past ten years, and had a son with each of them. BoyfriendA is the father of Son1, and BoyfriendB is the father of Son2. Son1 is six years old. Son2 is four months old. They do not look much alike at this stage, as Son1 looks like a miniature copy of his mom's brother and Son2 looks like a grumpy kobold. I emphasize again that the Sons were sired by completely different men, who have zero connection with each other beyond Friend's vajayjay.   About three weeks ago, Friend calls me with a request to borrow something. As I am en route, she calls again, saying that BoyfriendA's mother (BFA-M) has shown up demanding to see Son1, but is "acting strange", so Friend doesn't want to let her into the house. I ask how she can tell if the woman is "acting strange", since I doubt that BFA-M has drawn a sober breath in the past ten years. I point out that Friend is under no obligation to let BFA-M into her house, particularly not at 10 PM on a school night. I remind Friend that this is the woman who, when Son1 was a fussing infant, thought it was a stellar idea to blow pot smoke into his face to "calm him down". I ask where BoyfriendB is; he's home, but sleeping. I suggest that Friend wake BoyfriendB up if she feels she needs backup in getting BFA-M to go the fuck away, and tell her that I will be there in about ten minutes. I pull up outside Friend's house, which is a little one-story place with a wraparound porch that has two steps down to ground level at the front door. I note the presence of BFA-M's car, and that the front door is open, and that there are raised voices coming from inside. As I get out of my car, BFA-M comes running out the front door. She is carrying Son2, who is howling (this not terribly unusual, as this child has recently developed the hobby of howling at every fucking waking moment unless he's being held or in a bouncy seat). BFA-M is screeching, and I can make out snippets of words along the lines of how she DESERVES to have a baby to raise, it's not fair that Friend kept Son1 away from her, nor is it fair that her daughter's three kids were each taken away by Child Protective Services. (This, incidentally, was done due to a combination of the kids having being born with significant levels of illegal substances in their blood, disaster-level home living conditions, physical abuse reports by pediatricians, and some other shit that I will refrain from listing because it makes people furious when they hear about it.) While ranting to the heavens about the terrible injustices of a sane society, however, BFA-M is not watching where she's going. She trips off the edge of the porch. Most people, if they trip and fall while carrying a baby, will instinctively try to break the squishy tiny human's fall with their own body. BFA-M is not most people, or perhaps her reflexes are dulled by whatever pharmacological wonderland composes her bloodstream, because she falls squarely atop Son2. The howls stop. The sudden silence is terrifying. BoyfriendB had already been in pursuit, with Friend only a few steps behind, but now he clears the porch rail in one go, grabs BFA-M, HURLS her aside, and bends down over the baby on the ground. Suddenly, there is infant screaming, lots of infant screaming, and fully justified, because even from ten feet away in bad lighting, I can see that Son2 has a fucking compound break in his arm. I know it's unusual for infants to sustain broken bones, never mind compound breaks, because their bones are relatively soft, but I can now state that it's possible. I get my cell phone out and hit 911. BFA-M sits up from where she's been thrown, then grabs Friend's leg and TRIPS HER as she's rushing past, trying to get to the baby. BFB yells at her "[native language expletive], don't you touch my woman, you hurt my baby, you [expletive]!" She laughs. She seriously laughs and says "Well, he can't be hurt that badly, just listen to how loud he's screaming!" At this point, there was no stopping Friend from shoving the bitch over onto her back, kneeling on her shoulders, and throwing punches at her face while screaming in rage. I was disinclined to stop Friend, because who laughs about an injured child THAT THEY INJURED, IN FRONT OF THE CHILD'S PARENTS? People with a deep-seated desire to be punched in the face, that's who. Also, I was busy on the phone with the dispatcher, asking for the cops and an ambulance ("wait, better make that two ambulances"). Then Son1 comes sprinting down the stairs, screaming vengefully that he'll never, ever forgive BFA-M for hurting his little brother, and starts kicking her in the fucking head. I now decide it's time to intervene, because while I don't mind watching Friend beat the ever-loving shit out of BFA-M, I feel weird about watching a six-year-old punt the bitch in the skull with his little light-up sneakers. So I shove my phone in my pocket, scoop Son1 off the ground by putting my hands under his shoulders, and point him at the porch. Me: "Hey, Friend? Sorry to interrupt your justifiable bitchicide, but you ought to go check on Son2. BoyfriendB is panicking. Son1, go inside, Dog is losing his mind." (The dog in question is a year-old water buffalo/refrigerator hybrid with a head like a cinderblock, the muscle mass of an entire football team, and the personality of a marshmallow. He is absolutely a nanny dog, and hearing Son2 scream has him barking hysterically, which sounds like the onset of Armageddon. I don't know if he might actually attack anybody under provocation or just try to lick or wag everyone to death, so having Son1 go back inside--where the dog could protect him and he could put his attention towards calming the dog--was the best measure I could think of at the moment.) BoyfriendB is crouched over Son2 on knees and elbows like a full-body shield. He is a very macho guy, from a very macho cultural background, and he is sobbing because he doesn't know what to do to help his baby. This guy has been kind of an asshole at times with the machismo, treating women with a... dismissive version of respect, but seeing him cry like that was heartwrenching and hard to watch. Friend leaves off punching BFA-M in the face and scrambles over, starting to cry as well, but she's telling him not to move the baby, they don't know how bad he's hurt and they need to wait for help. BFA-M is screaming furiously that Friend is gonna get a beatdown for laying a hand on her. She starts to sit up, then realizes I'm standing right there, holding an active cell phone. Me: "Oh, keep going, keep making threats against the woman whose baby you've just tried to kidnap and injured in the process. 911 dispatch records everything, you know." BFA-M: "YOU CALLED THE COPS?!" Me: "No, I called Pizza Hut OF COURSE I CALLED THE COPS YOU FUCKING LUNATIC." BFA-M: "I gotta go!" Me: "Hahaha HELL NO." BFA-M tries to get up, and it suddenly becomes clear that, in the process of tripping off the porch, she's done something exciting to her ankle. I am not a medical professional, just a well-read amateur, but I am reasonably certain that a human foot is not supposed to do a 90-degree outward roll when weight is placed on it. Down she goes, screaming like a dyspeptic banshee, and I tell the dispatcher that she's got a break or dislocation in her foot. Me: "... and I didn't do it." Dispatcher: "You're sure you didn't do it?" Me: "Positive. I haven't touched her and I can't use the Force, ma'am." Dispatcher: "Okay, then." And now the hills are alive with the sound of sirens. The first wave is two cop cars and an ambulance. As I am the only person who is not prostrate with grief, rage, pain, and/or stupidity, I wind up being the go-to for the first responders. ("Four-month-old baby over there. Compound break in his arm, no telling what other injuries he's got. The shrieking banshee over there ran out of the house with him, tripped, and fell on him. She's got a busted-up ankle and has been punched in the face about a dozen times, but frankly, fuck her.") Things get sorted out to the point where it's decided that BoyfriendB will stay home with Son1 (and hysterical dog), Friend and I will go to the hospital with Son2 and a police escort, and BFA-M will go to the hospital in a different ambulance with a police escort. At the emergency room, BFA-M doubles down by screaming obscenities at the cops and trying to physically assault a nurse who's trying to get her shoe off so they can get a better look at her ankle. At this point, a hospital security guard with the general build of a volcanic island intervenes, but I didn't get a good look at what happened because Friend and I were being taken to another part of the emergency department with Son2. I just know that all of the swearing abruptly stopped, so whatever he did, it must've been super effective. It becomes clear that, besides grabbing Friend's leg to trip her and preventing her from getting to her kid, BFA-M was actually the first one to throw a punch; Friend's eye is swelling up and the inside of her cheek is lacerated from being smashed into her own teeth. BFA-M had punched her in the face in order to snatch Son2 out of her arms and try to do a runner. Son2 is taken out by medical personnel to treat the broken arm, leaving just me and Friend sitting in the exam room, and for the next few minutes, I turn into a strange version of Groot. Friend: "I don't know what to do about her!" Me: "Restraining order." Friend: "She comes over even when I tell her not to!" Me: "Restraining order." Friend: "I just don't know how to make her listen!" Me: "Restraining order." Friend: "I don't know how to stop her short of killing her!" Me: "Restraining order. I mean, sorry I didn't let you kill the bitch, but if I let YOU kill her, I'd have to let EVERYBODY kill her, and there's just not enough of her to go around, she's the fucking human equivalent of the last M&M in the bag.* Restraining order." No, this didn't make a lot of sense, but it made Friend start laughing out of sheer confusion, so I feel it was a win. Remember how BFA was a drug dealer and general shitbag? Friend picked up more than a few fleas from lying down with that particular dog; it had not occurred to her that the police can actually help and are there to protect you. There was, in fact, a cop standing right outside the exam room to keep Friend in vague custody, since she HAD punched BFA-M. The nice cop lady peeked in and said, mildly, "Your friend's right. You need a restraining order." Son2 has been bruised up, but the arm was the worst of his injuries. It has been successfully treated and is healing. He is back to being a grumpy kobold, only now he has a cast on one arm, which pisses him off. (Just like everything else in the universe. I am told it's "a phase". I asked if it's still "a phase" when the condition has been present since birth, since this is the bitchiest infant I've ever seen, and was gently told that I could fuck off back to my leisure-time-having, disposable-income-possessing, childfree lifestyle.) At this time, no charges have been pressed against Friend for assaulting BFA-M. A laundry list of charges ARE being pressed against BFA-M, and she is currently locked up. Bonus round: when the cops searched her car, they found things that clearly indicated she intended to take the baby away; there were texts on her phone where she ranted to her friends that she was going to take Son2 because Friend had refused to let her have Son1. She has threatened a civil case against Friend, but I get the feeling that few lawyers are going to want to push it, given the situation. Friend is in the process of getting a restraining order against BFA-M and against a couple other members of that family who tried to pull the FM shit; in the meantime, BFB's family has been mobilized by his mother and are standing guard shifts. He has an indefinite number of cousins and uncles (he's from a culture where any older male relative is "uncle" and any younger or same-age male relative is "cousin") who have been taking turns to either doze off on Friend's couch, or lurk in their vehicles on the property. submitted by /u/GeneralBystander to r/JUSTNOMIL [link] [comments]

Part III When I pulled up to his house the next morning, I could tell Kyle had cracked. He his skin had taken on a yellowed color and his voice was flat and void of emotion. “It’s not over yet, Kyle,” I said as he dropped into the seat next to me. “Yes, it is, Sam.” He all but whispered. “No, I don’t believe that. Kimber’s dad is missing too, you know. Maybe it was him instead that was…that was…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it. “We’re living in hell. Drisking, it’s Hell in our own reality.” I couldn’t disagree. The town I’d grown to love seemed so foreign to me now. Whitney hadn’t been an outlier like I’d thought. Missing people were the norm here. “And that would make Jimmy Prescott the king. He’s Satan, himself.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth Kyle punched the car door, awaking from his dead state with rageful vigor. “I’ll fucking kill Jimmy Prescott! Where is that motherfucker! You know he’s involved in all this, Sam, you know-“ “Maybe partially.” I said, staring out the window. “His dad created the town that bred this shit but I’m pretty sure the Prescott’s are just running drugs. You know, the powder.” “Yeah… and so what, he’s recruiting people to be- to be drug mules or something?” “Maybe,” I agreed for Kyle’s sake, though I didn’t really believe it. The sound, the great beast machine of Borrasca gave off the distinct stench of death. And though I knew that physically that was impossible, it didn’t change my mind about it. The air smelled different after the metallic wailing ended. We drove over to 4th Street Gourmet Coffee and Bakery and went in to buy our usual provisions of Rockstars and Monsters. As I paid for the four-packs of cans I saw Meera waiting on coffee at the end of the bar. I could tell immediately that she was in a good mood, something that I hadn’t seen much of since I’d started working for her. It was probably a good time to tell her I was calling out of work for my 5th day in a row. “Hi Meera,” I muttered when I approached. “Ah…I can’t come in again today. I’ve got some- some really important-“ “Sam! Oh my gosh, how are you?” “Um…o- okay.” I stuttered. “Good!” She said, brightly. “Don’t worry about coming in, I’ll hold down the fort and I’m sure I can call Emmaline in if I need help. But really, Sam, what have you been up to lately that’s so important?” My mind blanked. Just as I started to stutter out some bullshit about helping my dad, Kyle appeared behind me. “We’re trying to find Borrasca.” He said with all the gravitas of a eulogy. “Ah, yes. Owen told me you’d asked him about that. You know that’s just a story, Sam; that legend has been around since I was a kid.” “Yeah, well, we’re looking for our missing friend, Kimber. We think maybe she’s… there,” I trailed off lamely. “Oh really? I thought I heard the Destaros were staying with relatives in Maine over the summer. Oh well. Anyway, good luck, boys.” “Thanks.” Kyle’s voice was sour and I knew his patience was thin. When we got back into the car we each popped open a can of Rockstar and started chugging. I knew better than to ask Kyle if he wanted to smoke since I was sure he hadn’t lit a bowl since before Kimber disappeared. He finished the energy drink in under a minute and crumpled the can in his hand. “I don’t like your boss,” he said. “Meera? Why not?” “I don’t know. She’s…just…off.” “Well I mean she has been going through some things.” I wasn’t going to elaborate any further. “Why were you asking her husband about Borrasca anyway?” “I don’t know. I was just making small talk and I thought he might know. He seemed to know about a lot of other things.” “And did he know?” “Nah.” I took a long gulp of the sour drink and then choked on it when I remembered something Owen had said. “Well, actually, yeah. He said ‘a’ Borrasca instead of just Borrasca. You know, like it’s a thing instead of a place.” Kyle lowered his Rockstar. “And is it?” “Is it what?” “Is it a thing?” “I don’t know. I’ve never heard of it. I’ve googled everything weird about this town but nothing ever came up.” “Did you spell it right?” “I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Do you know how to spell it?” “No.” I pulled out my phone. “No, fuck google.” Kyle said. “We need to talk to Kathryn Scanlon. That’s what Kimber would say.” He was right. Kathryn Scanlon may be the most knowledgeable person in town and was probably the right person to ask. I pulled out of 4th Street Coffee and prayed she was at her office already. When we parked in front of Drisking Arts and Antiques I was disappointed to see that the store was dark. Kyle pointed to a small, cheap ‘OPEN’ sign hanging in the corner of the door and I crossed my fingers that it was for Kathryn’s office. I was relieved to find the door unlocked and we hurried past all the antiquities and blown glass to the back of the store where we found an open door and Kathryn sitting at her desk. “Boys!” She stood up when she saw us. “You’re up quite early for summer break. How did the essay do?” “Eh…great,” I said. “Actually we’re here for more help.” “Personal interest,” Kyle added. Kathryn raised her eyebrows. “Color me impressed.” I needed to get right down to it. If by some small chance Kimber was still alive then every second counted. “We’re here because we want to know if Borrasca is a thing or a place.” Kathryn raised her eyebrow. “I remember that legend as a kid. I’d actually have to tell you I didn’t know if it wasn’t for Wyatt. He knew so little about so much,” she laughed. “A sort of jack of all trades…anyway, he told me an interesting fact once about Borrasca – it’s both!” “What do you mean?” I leaned over her desk. “Well the term ‘borrasca’ is just old, outdated lexicon. The word was used by miners to describe an underperforming mine.” “A mine…” I whispered. Kyle shook his head. “We’ve been looking at mines.” “So all the mines in Butler County are Borrascas?” I asked. “Well, generally it’s only the first mine in the system to run dry that is called a Borrasca.” “Do you know which mine ran dry first? In our mining system?” Kyle asked from where he stood near the door, repeatedly clenching and unclenching his fists. “Ah, not off the top of my head, no,” she laughed. “I can look though, I think I have those records here somewhere.” Kathryn walked behind her desk and opened a drawer of loose files. “This is an odd thing to be interested in for boys your age but I guess I should be glad you two are so eager to learn, especially over the summer.” “Yes, ma’am, very eager,” said Kyle. “Is the Borrasca, the first mine that ran out of ore, um, was that by chance the same one those kids disappeared in?” “The McCaskeys? Oh, no I don’t think so. That particular mine was the southwest mine and was very close to town. I think it was one of the last to close, actually. Ah! Here we go. This packet should have that information.” Kathryn spent far too long moving books around on the desk to make room for the stack of papers she had. Kyle and I paced around the room, nervously, trying to appear casually interested, while the energy drinks started coursing through our systems. “Here, we go! The first mine to close was the north central mine, which was…yeah, actually one of the first to open.” “But where is it?” Kyle walked over to the desk and braced his arms on it. “Where is that mine?” “Um…” Kathryn pulled over a different stack of papers and started to fumble through it. After the longest minute of my life she made an ‘a-ha!’ sound and pulled out a large, yellowed piece of paper that had been folded into a standard A4 size. She unfolded it on the desk and leaned over to read the markings. I could see from where I was standing near the doorway that it was a map and I knew we weren’t living this office without it. “Let’s see. That mine was up further on the mountain, a little harder to get to. See?” And she pointed at a small dot on the map that was at least four miles from where we’d been looking. “Can we take this?” Kyle asked. “We’ll bring it back.” “Of course! I’m sure I have copies. Listen, if you boys are going exploring-“ “I’m bringing my dad.” I lied. “Oh! Excellent then, you guys have fun!” She yelled at us as we rushed out of the building. We didn’t stop to answer her, ‘fun’ was far from our minds. “It’s- it’s- it’s so far from where we’ve been looking,” Kyle stuttered. “We need to go there now. And we need to get a gun.” “A gun? Where are we going to get a gun, Kyle?” “From you dad.” “He’s not going to give us a gun, man.” “Fine, then let’s scout the place first and then we’ll come back with a gun.” That didn’t seem like a good idea to me either but what choice did we have? After studying the map for several minutes we realized the easiest way to access the mine was still through the West Rim Prescott Ore Trail. We parked at the trailhead and made the familiar hike down the marked trail and then up the beaten path, realizing that we’d have to travel past Ambercot Fort on the way. And I knew in my heart that we were going the right way. We were walking the same path that so many people before us had on their way to Borrasca. But what had they found there? We passed the treehouse, which was as silent as the morning. We walked on in the woods, further north than we had ever been before and soon we were flying blind, hiking in the general direction of the dot on the map and hoping we were still on course. Within an hour I began regretting that we’d come without provisions, emotional and unprepared. By noon we had been hiking for four hours and it seemed to me that we were lost. I tempered the welling panic with thoughts of Kimber and Whitney and the answers to the mystery that had absorbed my life for so many years. Kyle, for his part, said nothing and kept his eyes straight and his mission his priority. And then, just as the sun teetered on the apex of the day, we saw an emptiness through the trees and the hard lines of manmade buildings. Kyle quickened his step and I rushed to keep up. When we finally broke through the tree line I choked on my own deep breath and fell back against a tree as I looked over the quiet encampment. A large, wooden sign post that was almost as long as the entire clearing was still standing near the entrance of the mine. It had to be a century old and though most of the letters had rotted off over the years, from those remaining I could guess that it had once said: DRISKING UNDERGROUND MINE. What was left, however was: SKIN ND MIN “Skinned men.” “That way,” Kyle pointed to the north end of the camp. We stepped out from the shadows and into the vulnerability of the clearing. There were several large buildings still standing and the boarded up entrance to the ore mine was set back in the mountain. “We’re not getting in there,” I whispered. “Let’s try that building,” he said, and pointed toward the one nearby, which was the largest and at least two stories tall. We counted to three and then ran across the camp to the large wooden doors of the old building. They were cracked open and when we squeezed inside I was had no doubts that death was indeed present in Borrasca. We were standing in what I guessed was a refinery and in the middle of the room was a large silver, conically shaped machine. A conveyer belt fed into it and the room had a sour smell. Even the dirt beneath our feet seemed to have taken on a crimson tint. “This is the machine. This is where they take them,” I said. “This is the place where people die.” “Kimber isn’t here. Come on.” I was only too happy to squeeze back out the door of the building and tiptoe around the side. We rounded a corner and almost ran into a recently waxed, shiny, green truck parked there. “This is Jimmy Prescott’s truck,” I breathed. “I know whose truck it is.” Kyle growled. We were now on extraordinarily high alert. Kyle dropped to the ground and began to commando crawl around the building. I followed him waiting to hear a shout or a gunshot but none came. As we crawled around to the back of the building, Kyle turned around to me and put his finger over his lips, then pointed at a one story brown building that was only a dozen feet away from us. He got into a crouched position and moved as fast as he could across the gap between the two buildings. I did the same. As soon as I reached the wall next to him Kyle whirled around and put another finger to his lips and then pointed up to a window directly above us. There were noises coming from inside and even to me, a 16 year old virgin, the sounds of sex were unmistakable. We could hear an animalistic grunting and the tired, objecting groans of an old mattress. Unable to help myself I whispered “What the fuck?” to Kyle but he was already gone, all caution abandoned, running around the side of the building. I followed him in through the first door we came upon and was hit in the face by an invisible wall of filth and suffering. The smell knocked me back, but Kyle kept running. I followed him in, past crates of ramen noodles, MRE’s, bottled water and boxes I had no time to read. I crossed another threshold and I was suddenly surrounded by people. So many people. I skidded to a halt and realized I was standing in a sort of dorm. Rows and rows of beds on either side of me with people strapped to them, some of them wearing dirty rags and some wearing nothing at all. Many seemed to be bloated and I waited for one to call out to me but they all remained silent, some watching me through tired, dead eyes and others turning away. Looking around I realized they were all women and the bloating I saw seemed to be…pregnancies. Some were confined to their beds and others were not. I looked around the room for Kyle and saw him standing a little further in the long room looking back at me with the same confused, wild expression I was sure was on my face. I saw the realization cross his and called out to him but he was already running again. I lost him before I’d taken five steps to follow. I figured it was probably best to just keep running, spread out and look for Kimber. I didn’t see her in this room and I was sure she would have called out to us if she was. I looked around for another door and saw one cracked open on the left behind a row of beds. I stared straight at it as I made my way there, desperate to avoid the wretched, void eyes of the women around me. First we help Kimber, then we help the others. I will come back and help you all, I promise. As soon as I find Kimber. Without a thought I pushed the door wide open as soon as I’d reached it and found the source of the noises we’d heard outside. It was Jimmy, something I’d been expecting to see, but the scene before me was not. He was hunched over the bed of an almost unrecognizable, unresponsive Kristy, treating her like an animal. She watched me through the slits of her dead eyes but she didn’t call to me for help. I thought I saw a tear run down her cheek before she turned her face away from me to face the wall on the other side. “What the fuck?” I didn’t even realize the words were audible. I had never seen this depth of human suffering. Jimmy’s head snapped around to look at me and briefly registered surprise before he smiled at me in a way that turned my insides to ice. He didn’t stop what he was doing and I wanted nothing more than to run over and push him off of Kristy but to my utter shame I couldn’t force myself to come any further into the room. “Sam! Sam!” Kyle’s voice echoed through the building and immediately cured me of my paralysis. I found myself running back into the miner’s dorm and away from Jimmy Prescott and Kristy. “Kyle!” “Back here, hurry, please, I fucking- I found Kimber!” I followed his voice through the maze of beds and rooms as a cacophony of voices began to follow me. “Help us. Please.” There were maybe only a handful of girls yelling at me but it sounded thunderously loud as it filtered through my guilt. The weight of their misery dropped down upon me and it almost pushed me into the ground. “I will! I’ll get help, I’ll help you!” I promised them as I followed Kyle’s voice, still screaming desperately from an adjacent room. I sprinted across another threshold and saw him, hunched down near a corner bed helplessly yanking on a leather strap attached to it. I slammed into the bed and fell to my knees, trying to work out what he was doing and how I could help him. I tried not to look at the bed because I knew I couldn’t see her like that, I couldn’t bear it. If Kimber looked at me through the same accusing, empty eyes as Kristy and the others had I might lay down on the ground beneath her and curl up into a ball. “Go around the other side! Unbuckle the other two straps!” Kyle had the high pitched voice and wild, desperate eyes of madness. I ran around the other side and did as he’d said with shaking, awkward hands. “Oh, boys!” Jimmy’s voice rang out from somewhere in the building. I had just freed Kimber’s ankle and was working on her wrist. She whimpered when she heard him and buried her face in my shoulder. “Do you think you’re hiding? I know where to find you. I know right where I put that girl.” “I’ll fucking kill you, Prescott, you sick cunt! I’ll fucking stomp all your bones and bleed you out you little motherfucker!” Kyle had lost all reason and strategy. He was filled with rage instead of fear and it scared me even more. I pulled Kimber’s wrist from the final strap and yelled, “Go now!” We pulled Kimber up off the bed and quickly realized that her legs could barely support her. She was heavily sedated and breathing weakly. We braced her on either side and moved as quickly as we could through the nearest doorway – away from Jimmy. We were in another dorm, though this one was filled with mostly empty beds. I could see sunlight shining through the door at the end of the long room and we raced toward it as Kimber made little cries of pain. I didn’t think my heart could break any more but I was wrong because in the next moment - it did. I almost dropped Kimber when I saw her staring at me. Her eyes were hollow and uninvested and when I turned toward her, she looked away immediately as if she couldn’t stand the sight of me. “Whitney.” I said weakly. “Sam, let’s fucking go!” Kyle screamed. “I can’t.” I turned toward him as tears ran down my hot cheeks and Kyle saw her too. “I can’t…I can’t stay,” Kyle said, still moving toward the door. “I have to get Kimber away from here. Please…” But he knew I wasn’t going anywhere now. “Good luck, bro.” I said and then we were both running in different directions. Whitney’s hair was long but it was thin, as was her face. Everything on her looked brittle except for her stomach which bubbled out from her like an overblown balloon. She refused to look at me and flinched at my touch as I tried desperately to unbuckle her from the bed. I hadn’t even finished the first belt when I heard Jimmy walk up behind me. I didn’t bother to look at him or stop trying to free my sister. I didn’t know what else to do. “I admire your grit, kid.” Jimmy said, and then sat down on a bed behind me and continued to watch me, giving no objection to what I was doing. “You probably think your friends got away but there’s no sense in false hope, is there?” “There’s no sense in any of this.” My voice sounded frail and it cracked over the last word. “You’re wrong about that,” Jimmy sighed. “But just so you know, I’ve got Clery out there looking for them already. People making a lot of noise coming down off this mountain, trust me on that.” “Sheriff Clery?” I was desperate to keep him talking, anything to keep him from trying to stop me. “Oh, yeah. You know he was supposed to retire from the business but unlike the previous sheriff he kept a few horses in the race.” “Horses?” Nothing made sense. “Yep.” Jimmy slapped the bed next to him. “We call these buildings the stables,” he laughed. I dropped the last buckle on the floor and looked down at Whitney. I expected her to spring up and run toward the door while I went after Prescott but all she did was rub her wrists and itch her collarbone. Then she put her arms back where they’d been, turned her head away from me and shut her eyes. I slumped down onto the bed next to her and picked up her cold hand. If she wasn’t leaving here neither was I. It was over. I sent a silent prayer up to a God I didn’t know and wished my friends safety. “Do you want to know what this is, Sam?” I shrugged. It didn’t seem to matter now. “It’s all about the babies.” I stared down at Whitney and her swollen belly but gave no indication I was listening. “You wouldn’t believe how much money is in the industry. I mean, my dad was a smart man. And he knew we didn’t have anything of value to sell and back then the Prescott’s were dirt poor, out of work miners just like everyone else in town. He first got the idea when he sold my older brother off to pay for the legal fees to fight the city. I mean, some people will pay five figures for a newborn, you know, even back then. And the organizations that buy them, well, they buy in bulk. But we still make a killing off them. And our overhead is very low.” Jimmy stood up and pulled a gun out of his waistband, then threw it on a bed across the aisle. “You know, try to understand, Sammy, it’s not just about the money. We use the stables for community services, too. Lots of people in town come to us, you know, ever since the 50’s.” I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t want to be here, listening to this, I didn’t want to see Whitney so broken and I didn’t want to wait for inevitable death. It was torture in its purest form. “What are you waiting for, why don’t you just kill me? This isn’t a James Bond movie, I don’t care about any of this shit.” Jimmy laughed loudly as if it was funniest thing he’d ever heard. “Kill you?! Christ, kid, if I could than I already would have, but I’m not allowed to kill you. I’ve been trying to decide if I want to fuck your sister right in front of you though. She’s not one of mine but it might be worth it just to see your face.” “Just- just kill me and let her go. Fuck, I’ll kill myself if you let her go.” I stood up from the bed and Jimmy took two steps toward me and punched me so hard in the face that I fell back down on it. I moaned as I fought the tears and stars behind my eyes. “I can’t let her go, you little fuck. She’s got one of our community services babies in her. Grace says she’s got another week to go, two tops.” Jimmy looked down at Whitney and frowned. “She’s been puttin’ out shit babies, though, and as soon as this one’s out of her she’s got a date with the Shiny Gentleman.” “What the fuck does that mean?” I yelled at him and a loud ring suddenly filled the room. Jimmy held up a finger and pulled a phone out of his pocket. “I gotta take a business call. Two minutes and we can get back to our conversation.” Jimmy walked over to a corner of the room and I desperately started to pull on Whitney. “We gotta go. We gotta go, Whit, we can’t stay here.” She kept her eyes shut and her body lax. “Whitney, they’re going to kill you!” My head whipped toward the door as I heard a truck skid in the dirt just outside of it. Jimmy ended his phone call and Killian Clery walked in, pushing a limping, bloody Kyle in front of him. “Lose something, Prescott?” “Where’s the girl?” “Couldn’t find her.” “Goddamn it, Clery, you fucked us. Go back out there and find that girl!” Jimmy snatched his gun off the bed and shoved it into the back of his waistband. “Now listen here, you little shit,” Clery growled. “I ain’t your fucking employee and I don’t have all fucking day to play and hide and seek in the woods. I’ll telling you she wasn’t with him so I guess if you wanna know where she is you should get it outta him!” Clery threw Kyle down on the floor and spit near his feet. “I gotta do your fucking job now?” Jimmy walked over and without any hesitation kicked Kyle so hard in the ribs I heard some of them snap inside his chest. I tried to stand up but I was still dizzy and fighting off the darkness. “Where’s your girlfriend, Landy?” Prescott raised his boot and then stomped down hard on Kyle ankle. He screamed in pain. “I can do this all day, kid.” Clery sat down on a bed across the aisle and lit a cigarette, watching impassively. Jimmy pulled Kyle to his feet and then punched him hard in face. A few of Kyle’s teeth scattered across the floor. “Tell me, you little cunt!” Jimmy punched him again in the face and Kyle went limp. “You’re killing him!” I screamed and jumped off the bed, running blindly toward Jimmy in a red rage. Clery stood up and caught me with no effort at all, holding my arms down at my sides. He laughed, cigarette still tucked into the corner of his mouth as I struggled helplessly against his chest. Jimmy had straddled Kyle by now and was rapidly punching him in the face and chest. Kyle was barely conscience and I prayed he’d pass out from the pain. After a full minute of this Jimmy stood up and rubbed his bloodied fists. “Last chance, Landy.” “Fuck you.” Kyle said through a wheezing, rattled breath of air. Jimmy spit on him and raised his foot up as high as he could and brought it down on Kyle face with so much force that I heard his skull break. I sagged in Killian Clery’s arms and he dropped me into a puddle at his feet. Jimmy bummed a cigarette off Clery and they stood next to Whitney’s bed, watching me cry. “Jesus, what a mess.” After a few minutes Clery flicked his cigarette out and pulled out his phone. “Alright, Sam, take your friend.” I couldn’t have heard him right. “Fuck that, that little Landy shit ain’t leaving here.” “You wanna clean this mess up, Prescott?” I stood up and my knees didn’t buckle beneath me. “I’m not leaving without my sister.” I told them. Jimmy laughed. “Yes, you are,” Clery said. “If you want to save your friend’s life. He ain’t dead yet, Sam, but he will be soon.” He tossed his keys at me. “The road off this mountain is back by the refinery.” I let the keys bounce off of me and fall to the floor. Clearly swore at me. I knew he was right. I was a coward and I would leave my sister and all the others here just so I could get away and save Kyle’s life. I picked up the keys and then, without looking at the two men, I picked Kyle up by his shoulders and his head rolled back as if it was no longer attached to his spine. His face was a collage of pulp and blood and I struggled to stay calm and breathe as I dragged him out of the building. Cleary and Prescott watched me, taking drags off their cigarettes and saying nothing. I knew they were probably lying to me; Kyle would be dead by the time I got down the mountain if he wasn’t already. I opened the door to Clery’s old Ford and placed Kyle in the front seat, wincing as his head rolled around like a ball on a string. It took me almost an hour to get down the mountain, even though I took the overgrown road at ridiculous speeds and did everything I could to destroy the shocks on the truck. I sped into the hospital’s emergency zone and found a medical team waiting inside the door. It was clear that they’d gotten a call to expect me because they already had a crash cart with them and an IV ready to push into Kyle’s wrist. I left Clery’s truck where it was and spent the next two hours in the waiting room, calling my dad over and over again and crying over an Architectural Digest magazine. No one came to take a statement from me or ask me any questions. Kyle’s mom arrived just before my dad did and started screaming as soon as she saw me. My dad walked in behind her and had a deputy restrain her. He drove me home in silence but I couldn’t take it for long. “Is anyone going to file a police report? Does anyone even fucking care what happened?” “Sam.” He didn’t turn to look at me. “I am doing my best to do damage control on the situation but if Kyle dies or his parents sue, there’s nothing I can do to keep you out of court.” “You think I did this?” I screamed at him. “We’re not going to tell your mother. Alright? She has enough to worry about.” “Dad, it’s- I- Kimber- it was fucking Prescott! And Sheriff Clery!” “Yes, you arrived at the hospital in Killian’s truck. We already talked to them both.” I was so frustrated and full of rage that my next words came out a jumbled, stuttering mess that ended in a helpless scream. We pulled into our driveway and my dad turned off the car and finally turned to look at me as I struggled to catch my breath. “Samuel, we will never speak of this again. Do you understand?” “Are you fucking kidding me, Dad? Kyle might fucking die. I saw Kimber-“ “Enough! If you want this to go away you will keep your mouth shut about it, make no statements to anyone and I’ll hire the best lawyer I can afford to clean up your mess. I don’t know why you beat your best friend almost to death and frankly I don’t want to. You-“ “Fuck you!” I screamed at him and threw open the door to the cruiser. I ran then, away from him and the house and my broken life. He didn’t come after me. Not that day or any other. Since everyone in town thought I was a violent thug no one would let me stay with them when I called around. I eventually went to a motel far outside of town and drained the last of my savings from work paying for the room. I went back to pick up my car from the trailhead, but it was gone and I hoped it was Kimber who had it and not a tow yard. I read the paper every morning for some mention of Kyle’s condition. I saw the Daley's birth announcement about 10 days later. They had just had a son that they named William. The whirling, twirling, Shiny Gentlemen lit up the valley with its stench and song of death that night. It was the last time I ever heard it. I stayed in Drisking long after the money had run out and I was sleeping on the concrete behind the motel. I stayed until Kyle was released from the hospital; a mute, empty-eyed, soulless vegetable. I went to see him once, while only Parker was home, and threatened him until he let me inside the house. When I had assured myself that the Kyle I knew was dead and only his empty husk remained, I left his house and hitchhiked out of town. And after I spent four drunken, drug-fueled years in Chicago, I came home one day to find a letter waiting for me. It didn’t have a return address but it was postmarked California. I knew it was from her before I’d even picked it up. She’d written so many of my assignments for me that I knew Kimber’s handwriting better than my own. Inside it was a letter. The letter. I read it only once, many years ago, until I sat down to transcribe it today. My Kimber, I know you aren’t going to understand why we did the things we did. It was all born out of love, at least it started that way. You’re everything to me and you’ll always be my daughter. Do you understand? And I’m leaving this world because of what I’ve done to you, not because of what you are. I don’t want you to be upset about what you are. Because WHO you are is beautiful. My dearest, this town has done horrible things. And all of us who live here are guilty. Read this letter and leave this place. I need to tell you all of this. I need to start at the beginning: Somewhere along the way, decades ago, the major population of Drisking became unable to bear children. Most people blame the town for letting the iron ore leak into our water table during to collapsing of our mines. This is the same water table that still provides the town’s water today. They were never quite able to fix it and ore is toxic and exposure causes infertility. The town did, and still does, suffer greatly from its effects. And the Prescott’s, they solved the problem that no one could solve. It was an ugly, crass solution but most people were happy to look away when they were able to raise families again. You see they took girls, mostly women from other places, and they impregnated them and gave us their babies. And the town came under the care of Thomas Prescott when he started to “sell” some of the babies on the side for a profit to rich couples. And the Sheriff, he helped him do this. But then an ugly rumor started that they were selling to human traffickers. And the Prescott’s had to offer triple the price for girls. And in town, we began to murmur. But we once again turned the other cheek when the city was suddenly flooded with money because of how well the traffickers paid. People had well-paying jobs again and were proud to call Drisking home. So we said nothing and those that did were taken to the mountain. Because that is where they do it. There is a place on the mountain where the women are taken, Kimber: drifters, runaways and, if their parents choose it, sometimes the girls in town are even sold back. They arrange to sell the girls and they meet them at a tree halfway between our town and their baby mill. Sometimes kids play there now. I think you played there. The Prescott’s and the Sheriff are the ones who impregnate the girls and the children are named after them. P children for the Prescotts and K children for the sheriff. And then when the women become too sick or too old to deliver profitable babies they are sent through a giant machine that was used to refine ore and their bodies are crushed and the blood and skin stripped away and what remains of them are their stolen children and the dust of their bones. And all that’s left of their bodies is the powder that they spread over the mountain to hide our crimes. I’m telling you this, Kimber, because you are one of those children. Most of your friends are one of those children. Please get out of Drisking before your father finds this letter. Run away and never come back and never speak of it to anyone. Their industry has deep roots now and the traffickers have lofty connections. Don’t tell anyone. Don’t keep this letter. Don’t look back. I love you. I’m sorry I have to leave you. We all have to answer for our sins and I’m ready to burn in hell for mine. Love always and forever, Mom c.k. submitted by /u/The_Dalek_Emperor to r/nosleep [link] [comments]