Braces Colors

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I'm a hetero cis white guy, but I'm also anti-phobic. I was thinking about attending a Pride march with a "free dad hugs" shirt but was wondering if thats actually something that people appreciate or if folks just think its performative. I'd really like to do this but I also don't want to look like I'm centering myself. edit: I really did not expect to get this many responses. Its a little overwhelming but thank you all. Summarizing what I've read so far, its overwhelmingly yes, but definitely wait to be approached vs approaching (fully agree) and brace myself for some potentially emotional situations (heartbreaking, but I'm ready) This all came to me when I found a gay content creator on tiktok who sells hats. One says "we the people means EVERYONE" with "everyone" in gay & trans flag colors. That wraps up a lot of my opinions and I asked for that hat for Fathers Day. I thought I'd wear it at my city's pride parade in July and just wanted to make sure it was a good choice. Deeply appreciate all the thoughtful responses and advice. submitted by /u/johnwalkersbeard to r/lgbt [link] [comments]

this is the second msm i have ever seen in real life, and its mine! submitted by /u/Gabe_Lincoln007 to r/Miata [link] [comments]

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP) OOP: u/Live-Slice4362 Published on: r/AmItheAsshole Story is: CONCLUDED Story timeline Main Post: August 14, 2022 Final Update - same post: August 15, 2022 Main Post August 14, 2022 AITA For Blowing up on my Fiancé after what he did to my daughters table favors? I forgot I even had this account, and my daughter used it just to be on a braces support hunt, so this will be my throwaway account. English is also not my first language, but I do try. My Fiancé (M37) and I (F35) are getting married in September, and everything has been going perfect until now. My daughter (F16, and yes, I know I had her young.) has recently found an obsession in paper origami (She started with making dollar hearts and moved onto making full on beautiful lotus flowers and paper butterflies), and asked if she could help with the table decorations by putting paper butterflies on them with our wedding colors. I love my daughter, and want to support her hobbies anyway I can, so I said she can and even bought her the paper she needed with the colors. The issues lies what happened today, and even typing this still has me feel a little anger. My Fiancé, with the addition of my daughter and I went to check the venue and stopped at a family friends house who's making our table decorations. My daughter expressed how she couldn't wait to put her paper butterflies on the tables for the guests to enjoy. Our friend thought it was such an adorable idea but I could tell my fiancé made a face about it. When we came back home, he expressed his concerns about what my daughter said, and said that it seemed "childish" and that he wouldn't have it as his wedding. I reminded him that its our wedding, and that I wont exclude my daughter's wishes after I already bought her the materials. We argue for a bit more, but I had to go to my sisters to help her move. But, when I came home today my daughter came crying to me, telling me she's sorry that she's ruining my wedding with her ideas and said she'll pay me back for the paper. I asked her what she meant and she said that my fiancé told her that I was only including her idea and wasn't going to really go with it. I was enraged, and when he came back home i blown up on him and called him a jerk and a AH for what he told my daughter. He yelled back saying that we should have found a compromise, and just making this idea without consulting him first was terrible. I do agree I should have consulted this first, but he didn't express any discomfort with the idea and going behind my back to tell my daughter lies, isnt a way to get back to me that he felt a way. I feel conflicted, and not sure what to do. AITA?   COMMENTS Smart-Bake713 Is your fiancé this involved in other aspects of the wedding? The Cake? The Food? Flowers? Table cloths? Chairs? Music? Or is he only trying to control the part that involves your teenage daughter? OOP We're both involved in many things together but he said he wanted to be in charge of food because he wants catering and for his uncle to cook some things as well, which I dont mind because i love his uncle cooking I have no idea i why he did what he did, but I plan to ask him and have a talk hopefully Basic_Bichette I hope you can resolve this, but don't forget that he deliberately and wilfully lied to your daughter in order to cause her pain. This wasn't a mistake; this wasn't an error. Edit: I would also suggest that you speak to your daughter first, alone, and ask her if this is the first time he's treated her badly. OOP I plan to ask when I pick her up from her friends house today Windermyr Has your fiance seen the design your daughter plans on creating? Have you? While I do agree that this should have been discussed between the two of you, it sounds like a simple and, at worst, a harmless idea. It shouldn't have been an issue with your fiance, and it sounds like he is blowing this issue out of proportion. Also, he is not only insulting your daughter, but he is also insulting the art of origami itself. There is nothing "childish" about it. It has been around as an artform for centuries, and master artists are able to create incredibly intricate and beautiful designs. Now, i don't know what level your daughter is, but properly done origami is anything but "childish." Shame on your husband for exposing his ignorance. But before you continue this argument, it is best that both of you actually see what your daughter plans on making. If she can make a convincing butterfly, that alone can help convince your husband that it should be displayed at the wedding table. And if it is, indeed, "childish," then you can take it from there. OOP My Fiancé has seen many of her designs, and even agreed that some are good. she started making test runs and theyre absolutely beautiful. She always takes simple things and adds her little own flare and touch of brillance and putting it together with the other things on the table makes it look so pretty. It's far from childish in my opinion. Polyfuckery YTA for not immediately sitting down with you teenage child and asking if this is the only thing he's ever told her you are mad about. Has he been asking her to keep minor seeming secrets that make her uncomfortable? Has he intruded on her space or privacy? This is a massive waving read flag. He lied to your child about you being mad at her. This was not a misunderstanding. This was Grooming or Bullying. You NEED to find out which. The wedding should be placed on hold until you know your daughter is safe with this man as her step parent. OOP I couldn't ask her, because she came to me crying and begging for me to take her to her friends house..the entire car ride she wouldnt speak but told me she's ready to today I am worried about what he can be doing when i'm at work and am going to ask her everything   CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole   Final Update: same post - next day August 15, 2022 Update: AITA For Blowing up on my Fiancé after what he did to my daughters table favors? Wow..I was shocked this would get the attention of so many, but i'm thankful for all the comments. I'm at work, but i will give a clear update tonight of everything that happened and is going to happen. Thank you again for all the comments, but for the one person who wished me death for wanting to talk to my fiancé about what happened i'm sorry i angered you that much. I'm finally off work, and I have been able to talk to my daughter and fiancé. I took my daughter out to eat at her favorite resturant and told her she could tell me anything that was bothering her and made sure to tell her that I'm proud of her hobby and would love to support it more. She told me that while I was away there were many instinces where he would tell her that her art was horrible, and said that if I wasn't her mother I'd agree. I told her that was never and will never be the case. I love her art, and always show it to my co-workers. I told her that she was my top priority, not a stupid wedding and I made sure to spend time with her. Then, I spoke to my entire family on a call, including my fiancé being in the room and told them that the wedding was off. I confronted him about everything and told him that he will not shame my daughter and dishonor her amazing work and that we need a break. We broke into an argument and I said some things I didnt mean and he said some things that looking back, i'm ashamed that I almost let him ruin my family. He packed all his bags and I'm not sure where he is staying now. His family asked what happened, and I made sure to tell them. I got a few negative messages that my daughter is sensitive, but his mother apologized on his behalf. I also made sure that he gave my daughter a sincere apology and she didn't accept it which she doesn't have to. I also showed my daughter the post and from her and I, thank you to everyone who supported her art, and we'll make sure to use her butterflies as decorations for around the house and her room.   COMMENTS Beaniebearboo You Fiancé sounds like a bit of a shitty human, especially to impress on your daughter his opinion in that way. I'm glad you blew up on him! Your daughter sounds absolutely adorable, and I would love to have her origami butterfly's at my wedding (if she wants to post to the uk) OOP [Redacted] this is the closest thing she would send me regarding her paper origami im not sure the link will work, since im not used to this but its heartbreaking thinking about what he might have said to her more about her hobby, im missing her from work Kitchen_Classic_1439 I think that’s the worst part in all of this. What if she doesn’t even want to do this hobby anymore. He could have now ruined her love of origami because he’s an abuser who didn’t get his way. I hope he’s an ex now. Marrying him will harm your relationship with you daughter for sure! OOP we're taking a break, but yes he is a ex. ParentOfACommunist Tell her, as a fellow origami lover when I was in my teens, I'm 39 now, learn the box. It's simple, but you have NO idea how often in my life I've used it for practical reasons. OOP she just learned how to do triangle boxes she uses them for everything too   This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP) Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading. Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved. submitted by /u/BigONerd to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Ok_Boysenberry_7535 Originally posted to r/AmIOverreacting Previous BoRUs: #1, #2 [New Update]: AIO? My coworker took video of me outside of work to "prove" I'm not disabled NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: ableism, stalking, invasion of privacy, hostile workplace, racism Mood Spoilers: disturbing RECAP Editor's note: CP in this post stands for Chronic Pain, not to be confused with cerebral palsy and child porn Original Post: January 14, 2026 This is weird so I need to know if I'm crazy for going as far as I did. I have a condition of chronic pain. The way I explain it to people without chronic pain is that if pain were on levels from 1 to 10, normal people are at most at a 2 or 3 from day to day where people with CP are at more like a 6. Like imagine stepping on a Lego or hitting your funny bone, that's a very brief but excruciating 8. It's like if you pulled a muscle and so there's pain and discomfort if you move it, but pretty much daily. Some days I am higher on the scale, rare blessed days I'm more a 4 or by some miracle lower. Overall I am active and operate well. I do own canes, but I only use them on days when I'm 7 or above. Such a day came this past Sunday. On top of my full time job, I have a part time. Due to being physically and legally disabled, I had all the paperwork already filed with my job in case I ever need accommodations. I have a handicap marker on my license plate and the placard on my rear view mirror and the works. I was recently moved to a location closer to my home. I love my new team. My boss Amy is really great. My colleague Casey and I get along okay but were the same position as assistant coordinators to Amy. The reason I was moved to that location was that it expanded and they needed more hands so they added me. Casey has wanted a promotion for a long time and everyone knows it. I was pretty open that I don't. Lol any promotion from my position would be a full-time and...I already have a full-time job. I do this job to pad my savings and because I frankly like the job. Being busy also helps with my anxiety. I mean Casey works hard but she also likes to talk over me or rush to take charge of something before I can when I clearly was getting to it. She then announces it. "Oh I handled that for you, OP. Don't worry!" And at first I was annoyed but over time I was like alright then, but you didn't have to. I talked to Amy about this. I want to pull my weight but it can be challenging and redundant when Casey is racing to beat me to it. The point was for us to split tasks evenly. Amy said she would talk to her and I don't know what came of that but things didn't really change much so I just accepted it. So when I came in Monday with my cane, everyone had questions. I emailed Amy Sunday night so she knew but I tend to be private so what I told everyone else was that I have a condition and sometimes I need a cane but not always. Amy accommodated me. She assigned me tasks that required little to no movement. I was very grateful and got everything done pretty early so I called over the radio if there was anything else I could do. Casey said no she's got it so I just handled admin stuff that's usually on the backburner. Literally replied with "okay I'll tackle the admin list then" and Casey said no she's got it but Amy followed that with a thank you to me and confirmation that this would be helpful. I still needed my cane yesterday (Tuesday) and it was similar. I completed most of the admin to-dos and Amy was so relieved to have it done. She thanked me for coming in and doing all that instead of calling out. Casey made a comment that she could've helped but I said that's okay and thanked her for handling the more physical tasks. We ended up walking to the parking lot together and she asked which car was mine so I pointed at it. Then she said "so I know you're not disabled, by the way." And I asked what she meant. She just repeated herself and said "so no cane tomorrow, okay? I won't tell. Just no cane tomorrow." 👀. I stood there like what the fuck? But I was meeting my best friend and just left to make it on time. I met my BFF Joy at the bar and we had a wonderful time. I brought my cane but tbh I didn't always use it. For example, I didn't use it to walk from my table to the bar to request another drink or when I got up to hug Joy goodbye. Today, when I woke up, my pain was higher than my normal so I took my cane along. I texted Amy that I have my cane but doing okay in small bursts so put me in Coach lol I was having a good time at my main job and didn't give Casey a thought. I arrive at my part time job and Casey saw my cane and went red. I mean like the way I looked when the Eagles lost to the 49ers lol just SUPER MAD. I greeted everyone and she ignored me completely. We got our assignments and she snidely said to me "Well can you handle that with your cane and all?" In a tone that even made Amy turn to look at her like WTF. I said I can manage and thanked her for her concern and we went about our work. Once again she raced to beat me to things and saying over the radio "don't strain yourself, OP, I did x-task or got y-done" I was so confused until about an hour ago when we finished work she again walked with me to the parking lot but this time showed me a video. It was me. It was me at the bar last night with Joy. I was just like...um why do you have a video of me - that's weird. She says it's proof. I asked of what? And she said it's proof I'm not disabled as I acted so "wounded all day at work" but suddenly don't need my cane at a bar. What???? I wanted to explain that that's just not how CP works. Like yes I can stand up to hug my friend or get up and walk 3 strides to order a new drink but I can't, for example, lean over and organize a bottom drawer without a chair to sit in. I wanted to explain the CP is just an umbrella and under it are a myriad of experiences and abilities and that honestly, if she had left my tasks alone, I'd have done them. She didn't give me the chance and said "no cane tomorrow. I'm serious. Or I'm going to Chad" (Chad is Amy's boss). I said "About what?" But she was already walking away from me and just got in her car. It's just weird. And oddly Chad would know this is bs because his boyfriend has CP too. I'm not so much worried about being "found out" or anything but it's just weird and I'm literally typing an email to Amy CCing Chad about this weird behavior because it's just odd. Am I crazy to want to preemptively explain this? I am anxious ans paranoid in general so I don't want to overreact or make things worse. Edit: I sent the email and also thanks for letting me know I'm not crazy for feeling weirded out. Also I will be simply blocking anyone who is saying this is fake. I don't have time for your bs to be frank. I also texted Amy and Chad. Edit 2: JESUS CHRYSLER DRIVING CHRIST that's a lot of notifications... I'll edit to try to reply all here because there isn't enough coffee in the world... It's morning and I'm still about at a 7 and it's cold today so even if I didn't want to bring my cane, I would have to. I texted ahead so Amy can start thinking about tasks today. For some common themes I've noticed, yeah my pain scale Lego idea wasn't on scale. Stepping on a Lego was the funniest thing I could think of that hurts so I wanted to paint a picture. I wasn't making a clinical pain chart lol feel free to use your own theatre of the mind scenarios to help people without chronic pain have an idea of what it's like. Also I don't understand the vague "don't use the term CP" comments sorry. In this post it means chronic pain. It's within that context 🤷‍♀️ sorry but I just don't get the issue here or of its upsetting...? Idk Amy and Chad have both responded so we will see how today goes. Anyway this was my first break in my FT job so I have to get back to it. Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: Time for a chat with your supervisor and / or HR. Make sure you bring the receipts. OOP: The problem is that I don't have any other than what others have seen about her taking over my tasks. We were alone both times she confronted me in the parking lot and she showed me the video on her phone. Commenter 2: This is actually insane behavior because what? Did we not learn about invisible disabilities? Or people who only need a wheelchair/cane sometimes and are ambitory users? This is actually insane work, who says that to someone? Especially when you’ve got the documentation to prove it. NOR OP. I hope you make a fool out of them because this is actually insane. I don’t know much about legal stuff but this seems like enough to take to HR if you have one. Seriously what is Casey on? OOP: Thank you I was really worried that my past trauma was causing me to blow this out of proportion so I was on the fence about it like maybe I'm just out of touch here. Commenter 3: What the fuck!? NoR - you're underreacting Info: how old are you both?? And what's the job? OOP: I'm 34 and she's 29. The job is real specific but it has to do with the public school system. We have a lot to do with kids who struggle with specific subjects and help them in a way a tutor would but more fun if that makes sense. Commenter 4: NOR - if anything you're underreacting to your coworker creating a hostile work environment. Does your workplace have an HR department? OOP: Not really HR issues are run through Chad's boss who is also basically the 2nd in command of the entire org Commenter 5: She followed you to a bar to film you like a stalker. Let that sink in. You need to go to Amy and Chad not to preemptively explain your situation but bc a coworker is so obsessed with your personal medical details she is stalking you, threatening to jeopardize your job and demanding you don’t use a mobility aid that you have proper documentation for (I.e. legal handicap placard). NOR.   Update #1: January 15, 2026 (next day) AIO? My coworker took video of me outside of work to "prove" I'm not disabled - Update (Thursday) I was asked a lot to update when I got off work so here it is. 😬 Today was… weirdly quiet, which almost made it worse. Not sure what everyone knows but they at least know somethings up. I wasn’t even in the same area as Casey during check-in and I have no clue when she actually arrived. I usually see her as our shifts are the same hours. Turns out she’d been assigned to the back office doing other tasks (hours reduced), while I was put at the admin booth at the entrance handling paperwork and spreadsheets (they definitely took advantage of because I’m good at it 🤣). So we didn’t cross paths at all at first. I actually turned on a voice recorder app as soon as I got to work, just in case. I also added a shortcut on my phone so I can start recording quickly if I need to just in case. I didn’t wanna be caught off-guard like before. I did feel a little silly doing it, but I’d rather feel silly than unprepared, you know? I didn’t see Casey until near the end of the shift, and even then it was barely a glimpse. She looked up, saw me, and immediately turned away. Like full on avoidance. It made my stomach drop. I just turned away and minded my business. Amy was very reassuring but also vague at first. I didn't like that and I think my face said so and she said she doesn't like all the red tape and such either but to be patient because they need to go through all the right channels and steps. Amy let me go home early, but she told me to log my full hours anyway and made it clear she and Chad are actively talking about this and taking it seriously and I am almost certain she and he had been texting the whole shift. She also walked me to my car and said that will continue for now until everything is resolved. About an hour after my shift ended, I got an email from her (Chad CC'd) saying that tomorrow (Friday), Casey will be assigned to admin duty in the back office unless something changes before the shift, and that we should not be interacting at all. It's a long weekend so I figure all the behind the scenes stuff will be happening then. I also found out that Casey already “presented her evidence” That includes the video she showed me before and another video from yesterday (Wednesday). Apparently she filmed me at a local winery during Wine Wednesday (there’s a clip of me getting up to grab a bottle a few steps away, and later another clip of me standing up and doing a small little celebratory dance after a tabletop game win). That’s the part that really messed with my head because hold on when did she start recording me? For how long? I mean I could maybe believe coincidence once, like, okay lightning struck and its weird. Same town, same general area, blah blah blah. But twice, 2 different days??? Two different places?? That’s when it stopped feeling like my paranoia getting the best of me and started feeling… unsettling. I’m honestly starting to wonder if this is something that might need police involvement, as some comments suggested, and I hate that my brain even went there but I mean what other options are there right now?? I’m typing this from a bar right now, but not the same one as before thank god. It is still local to the school (teachers come here a lot) and it’s Thirsty Thursday, so there’s a bigger happy hour discount if you show your school ID. Joy is with me, and a couple other friends are on their way. Joy had been here during my shift in case I needed any backup fast. That said, my head is absolutely on a swivel. So is Joy’s. I don’t feel relaxed the way I normally would. I keep scanning the room without meaning to and when people get too close to me or stand in any way facing me I look up to see if it's her. It's fucking weird. I’m still trying to process all of this, and honestly I’m confused more than anything...I keep going back and forth between “maybe this is nothing” and “this doesn’t feel normal” Right now I’m just documenting everything and doing what HR tells me to do, but I don’t like how small and watched this situation is starting to feel and I hate that I'm recording every moment I can in case she pops up. If nothing else, I’m safe tonight and will be staying at Joy's...I’m not alone and work has made sure we’re separated for now. I guess we’ll see what tomorrow brings. So unless something crazy happens o won't be updating until this is resolved. Wish me luck 🙏. Edit: I just replied to a follow-up email answering some recurring questions HR asked... My answers al ended up centered around: I have never directly or indirectly invited Casey out anywhere. We are not friends outside of work and have never socialized one-on-one. I was also asked whether I feel safe at work. Right now, yes, because management has taken steps to separate us and has been present and supportive. I've yet to be alone at all at work. I’m continuing to follow their guidance and document everything as instructed. I’ll update if anything materially changes, but for now I’m letting HR handle it outside making a non-emergency police report in the morning. Top Comment Commenter: She sounds more unhinged than originally thought based on the fact she’s filmed you multiple times. And refusing to understand that disabilities are on a spectrum. Especially with chronic pain. It doesn’t mean you’re incapacitated all the time or all tasks are equally difficult. Keep us updated on what comes down the line as far as disciplinary actions by HR for her!   Trigger Warnings: racism Final Update: January 23, 2026 (eight days later from the previous update) Hey on my phone so sorry for typos Happy Friday guys. Thanks so much for all the sweet messages checking on me. All things considered I'm okay. My pain spiked pretty badly this past Tuesday, so I took it easy and took off from my fulltime job to pamper myself. That gave me time to think and spend time gaming and gardening. That was a welcome break to brace myself for my part time job. So yes I have been taking care of myself and I loved all the reddit moms (and dads) checking in. This will be long as I am trying nit forget anything so I can close this out (or at least put a pin in it) as I know for me as a reddit scroller, unfinished stories are almost as frustrating as the ones that go on forever. I’m hoping this is my final update on the matter. Legal is now involved. I genuinely didn’t even know our organization even had a legal department but apparently it does and they’re looped in alongside HR. An HR rep has been communicating with me but honestly things have been very quiet on that front, which I’m taking as no news is good news. I’m still at my school and I still love it. I love the students and faculty and even the parents (anyone in education knows parents can be great or they can be soooooo not great lol and rarely is there in between). Casey has been transferred to an admin position at an office in the company I don’t even go to. I haven’t seen her since my last post and I'm glad of it. Work has been peaceful without her. I have more work to do now as the only assistant coordinator there but I'm starting to get my rhythm and the staff there has been very supportive plus I have more chances to get to know the people I work with. What I didn’t expect was finding out (from multiple coworkers in several conversations) was that almost from the moment I joined that campus, Casey had been trying to spread rumors about me. Including suggesting that I’m a danger to kids or that I have an “explosive temper” which is honestly wild to hear about myself. I’m almost always described by others as soft-spoken to a fault and usually get told I need to be more strict with students. If anything I balance Amy out as the “good cop” to her “bad cop” plus the angry black woman tropes are sooooo freaking tired, so it was extra annoying to find out that she was trying paint me as such. She also said to people that the reason she took over my tasks was because I did them wrong or Madd her job harder and she had to redo things. She basically had a narrative that I was Mr. Magoo causing chaos and she was the saintly hard working teammate trying to clean up my messes so I don't get in trouble. HR is still investigating, and I’ve been told to continue documenting anything that comes up. I’m ready to do so but so far it’s been quiet. One unexpected upside is I’m now the sole person at my campus with my title, which came with a pay raise. Not how I would’ve chosen to get it but I’ll take the win. I did file a police report - I think I mentioned this in my last post but if not I was told very clearly that filming in public places isn’t illegal and that there’s no reasonable expectation of privacy in those spaces, so there was no criminal action taken (cue my eyeroll but at least its officially reported). The report is strictly documentation. The local places I frequent have been made aware of the situation and that a report exists. My friends were incredible, they helped me get my car cleaned and detailed just to be absolutely sure there wasn’t anything like a tracker or Airtag like some comments suggested we do. I also finally got around to asking my neighbor to help me install my other security cams. I used to have only one and my doorbell cam and now I can pull up live footage on the whole system all around my house. And to those suggesting a dash cam, I already have one turns out. I never used that feature, so my friends helped. My car is fairly new and I’m still getting used to it. I did start to go over and backup all footage going back since I started at my campus by motion activation points and now have a hilarious compilation of the neighborhood cats being adorable or the crows I feed leaving random things lol (yes I did the crow mom thing). So another good thing came of this. I’m not changing my routines... but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still a little on edge. Especially since multiple coworkers mentioned hearing Casey blow up at Amy on her last day on campus and Amy sent her home for the day (this was on my day off as only Amy and Casey worked MLK day and the coworkers there volunteered to work the holiday for extra pay - time and a half). What she said varies depending on who tells it, but the fact that it happened at all doesn’t exactly make me feel warm and fuzzy as I'm sure you'll understand. But I tell myself everything that can be done on my end, has been done. So I try not to stress about it. That said, I also reached out to a few lawyers just to understand my options. I’m very aware that HR exists to protect the company not me so I want to cover my bases. I meet one over Zoom at my lunch break so wish me luck. I still record when I walk to or from my car. My therapist reminded me to be careful to make sure my being proactive doesn’t turn into living in fear and giving in to my anxiety or PTSD (past trauma). I’m taking that seriously as my mental health has been a journey and I don't want to go back to the way I was before. I can’t and won’t let someone else shrink my life again. I do want to address recurring comments because I can’t reply to everyone individually.. "She goes to bars a lot - drinking is bad!" Yes, I go to bars. No, that does not mean I drink heavily or have a drinking problem (what a leap!). I mean, look I’m disabled and I socialize within what my body allows and thats an isolating enough experience if I let it be. My friends (mostly able-bodied people) go to bars, so sometimes that’s where I go... Sometimes I drink, sometimes I don’t...sometimes it’s a mocktail, sometimes it’s soda. I know my body better than strangers on the internet, to be blunt. For what it’s worth, my ex was an alcoholic and he was abusive and spiraled until it ended him so I promise I’m very aware of what that looks like and am probably one of the last people to be overly concerned about on that matter. "How does she have time to work 2 Jobs and go out? Why wont she just go home" I do in fact have time to go out after work. I work from home full-time and part-time with the school. If I go straight home after a long day I tend to just… keep working. I’m a workaholic by nature and going out helps me actually relax and not make my entire life about my job. I also intentionally line up PTO with most school holidays to rest and take staycations. This is me managing my health both physical and mental not avoiding reality. "Don't go anywhere alone, OP"/concerns for my safety Right now I’m both safe and supported. I’m cautious but I’m still living my life. q I’m choosing not to let this take over my entire world and this is supported by my therapist. Thank you to the people who offered thoughtful advice and genuine concern ❤️ And to the folks who were weirdly judgmental....well, you must be an absolute blast at parties. I’m hoping this is my final Update Edit: the Ice storm woke me up and looked at my phone - Joy and my other friends have a group chat and I think they forgot which chat I’m on with them because they've been trading screenshots of Casey's social media. From what they gathered, Casey did put some of her socials on private in the past day or so but that didn't stop my friends from screenshotting some disturbing posts. In short, Casey has bought into the stereotype that black women especially "steal from the government" by leaning on welfare (such an age old and tired racist trope yet again) and other government programs and this included "faking" disabilities to "rip off" public programs because we clearly don't want to work /s I did just forward this all on to the HR rep I am in contact with. Turns outs, this probably wasn't about my cane after all. Just plain flavored, canned racism without salt. Frankly how boring is that in my country 😴. Edit 2: Joy I'd over with homemade Chili and news. No idea what to make of it but Casey is related to a higher up. Looks like a uncle/Neice. That could be another reason legal is involved but we're guessing at this point. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: The cat and crow compilation is a lovely side effect of something so taxing. PS: If I understand, has your colleague been transferred? Or had her shifts adjusted? OOP: She works in one of the company offices now, from what I understand on an "admin break" - it's a reduced hour pause, I'm told and far away from me Commenter 2: Sounds like you're on top of this, and hopefully you will live your life in peace after all the drama. It also seems like you have a healthy vigilance and not paranoia. Good luck honey!!!!! You deserve a great life. OOP: Thanks so much! I'm hoping the same honestly. My fulltime job is aware due to the harassment/stalking and my boss this morning when I logged in checked in with me about it and said GOD I hope the rest is just so boring you'll struggle to even remember telling me anything new about it and I was like SAME Commenter 3: So, Casey crafted a narrative without even knowing anything about you? What a whackadoodle. If she knew you’re Black and nothing else when she started these rumors, consider sending that little tidbit to HR and asking them to add race discrimination to your complaint. OOP: I didn't even think about it but dammit I might mention to Amy when I come in today Commenter 4: I've been following your posts about this situation from the start OP, and as a Black woman myself, when I saw you mention that detail in this update - the first time I saw it brought up throughout this saga - my first thought was, "Ah, there it is!" You don't mention Casey's race, but I'd bet anything she is not Black, she holds some unpleasant ideas about Black people, and "proving" that you're faking your disability was just a convenient excuse to get the office against you once & for all. I'm glad she's being dealt with seriously by your workplace - she sounds genuinely dangerous as a colleague. OOP: Yeah I didn't think about it that way at first so my flabbers are a bit gasted lol my job has a zero tolerance policy for racism especially in the recent political climate. Huge no no. Of my team actually, I am one of 2 people of color. Amy is Korean American. Everyone else is white, including Casey. Looking back...I feel like there were signs unfortunately   ----NEW UPDATE---- Editor’s note: OOP made the post on r/legaladvice Former coworker filmed me, was fired, and now I’m getting racist notes/messages. what can I actually do?: January 29, 2026 (six days later from the previous date Hi, I’m in Texas and honestly just trying to understand what options I have at this point because this seems to just be escalating and i feel like I’m not getting the help i need. I posted previously in another sub, but things have escalated and people suggested I come here? To summarize...I work full-time from home and part-time at a school. A coworker at said partime job (who on reddit ive been calling Casey) secretly took videos of me outside of work to try to “prove” I was faking a disability. I reported this to HR first. Legal eventually got involved. She was put on an admin break, then moved to a different office, and as of this week I was told she’s been finally terminated. She has a relative (her stepfather) who works 2nd tier only to our Director, and he's also reached out to apologize stating that she is struggling financially and is a hard worker and thus was very stressed about getting a better paying position. I can copy and paste it below if needed. There were snow days during part of this (Texas winter storms), so there was a gap where no one was on campus. I was told this delayed me from even logging on to my company email and seeing this info. What’s happening now is that since she was fired, some really unsettling things have started around the same time. For example on Tuesday the 27th, I found a handwritten note placed on my car while it was parked outside my home. It included a racial slur (“n-b*tch”) and calling em selfish. I quickly checked with neighbors on either side and I was the only one who got a note. I checked my dash cam and moved a camera on my home to cover the area going forward. The footage from my dash only shows someone bundled up approaching the car, but no identifying details. As their face was covered and they were wearing like ski looking goggles. Wednesday night the 28th,, I went to trivia night with a friend who drove us in her vehicle (she had "snow tires" on her vehicle and though the roads in our area were pretty clear we wanted to be cautious). When we came back to her car, there was another note with similar language left on her car! We went back and asked for footage but they said they didn't have cameras that worked out there. No damage to either car and we did double check during daylight just in case. I’ve also started getting texts from unknown numbers beginning Monday that are hateful or at least pretty scary. I haven’t replied to any of them. I’ve muted the numbers (in case they text again) and saved screenshots for the police...I reported both note incidents and the messages. I was told that filming in public isn’t illegal..leaving a note without damaging property isn’t a crime, and the messages aren’t "actionable" unless they escalate??? They did take reports and told me to keep documenting which I fully intend to do. Casey no longer works for the company. HR/legal are aware of the original situation. I’m documenting everything (dates, screenshots, photos). I have cameras and a dash cam. I’m not fully changing my routines, but I am being cautious. I think that's pretty much everything...but ask me questions if needed and I will answer. So my questions are: 1) At what point does this become harassment or stalking under Texas law? 2) Is there anything proactive I should be doing now besides documenting? 3) Would a cease and desist make sense, or could that backfire? 4) Is there any civil option here, or is this realistically just “wait and see unless it escalates”? I’m not trying to overreact...but the pattern is starting to freak me out and I want to make sure I’m handling this the right way and get the help I need to make this stop. I am almost certain it's Casey but without proof I'm not able to get any traction with the cops. Thanks in advance Location: TX Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: If you go to anyone again - police, attorney - you need to condense this down to a few sentences. You’re doing the right thing by muting these messages - do not block. A C&D is just a “please stop” letter. That’s it. It’s not filed with the court (unless as an exhibit to a future pleading). Non-lawyers tend to ascribe powers to a C&D that simply don’t exist, or confuse it with a restraining/no contact order. You’re free to send one and she’s free to ignore. Now, the fact that a letter was left on your friend’s car is obviously concerning because it suggests this person is following you. Have you found the owner of these phone numbers? OOP: That makes sense, thank you. I do have a condensed version written out for police/attorneys and I included the longer version here just to make sure I wasn’t leaving anything relevant out (I genuinely don't know what I'm doing here) So far they all appear to be from different unknown numbers, and I don’t recognize any but they are all from then area code of where i live. Joy thinks someone is using and then changing a google voice number. I haven’t been able to identify an owner myself, and I haven’t responded to any of them. I’ve just been saving screenshots with dates/times and adding them to my documentation and to be honest after a while for my mental health I don't read them all the way through, just screenshot and add to the folder of evidence. And yes...the note on my friend’s car is what pushed this from kind of unsettling to very concerning for me as well. That’s why I’m trying to make sure I’m handling this correctly now instead of waiting for it to get worse...but the lack of support and really the attitude of the police is really disheartening Commenter 2: NAL - But I do a lot of reading. This likely rose to actionable Harassment the moment she started things generally. But in my layperson opinion it DEFINITELY is now. https://codes.findlaw.com/tx/penal-code/penal-sect-42-07/ Specifically 839 sections 1, 2, 3, 4, 7, 8, and 9 & the same sections in 1118. As an aside it is very likely that someone else in her life is a co-conspirator under both section 6s. Start the filings for a restraining order Yesterday. OOP: I am going back to police today as another incident occurred so this will be good to have in my vocabulary thank you! Commenter 3: You also need to have your car checked to see if she's put a tracking device on it. Just to be sure check your purse or tote bag and coat also, since before her termination she might have gained access to them. Commenter 4: NAL but trained as a victim advocate. Also from a different state so I can't speak about TX law. As the other commenter said, continue to mute messages but don't block for documentation purposes. Document. Document. Document. For something to be considered harassment, it needs to be clear and explicit that the behavior is unwanted. You would think getting papers with slurs and such would make it obvious but we were told to instruct victims to respond once then don't engage (unless there is already a restraining order in place- then you do NOT respond). Specifically, "stop contacting me." Continue to document everything and update the cops. Harassment is difficult because it does require escalation before action. And if you can't identify the person (with absolute certainty), there are even fewer options. Depending on your location (city vs rural) a community-based victim advocate in your area may be able to assist you by explaining the options available for your specific situation. You mention working at a school- if it's a college there could be advocates on campus (info would be with student services or the title ix office). I am truly sorry you're going through this. I hope the situation gets resolved quickly and without further escalation. Commenter 5: You said HR and Legal are aware of the original situation, leading to her termination, but do they know about this potential retaliation by a former employee? (I only say potential because she has not been caught red-handed, though I also believe it's her.) They should be informed ASAP. It's not happening at work and she is no longer an employee, but it is "possibly" related to a prior workplace issue. The news about this continued harassment needs to make it to her stepfather. I understand you may not be comfortable replying to his message yourself. Even if he is only acting in self-interest and doesn't actually give a shit about you, he should be smart enough to know this needs to stop before it gets worse. He can apply pressure and influence the police cannot (so far). Would he do that, I don't know, but it might be worth a try.   Latest Update here: BoRU #4   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Ok_Boysenberry_7535 Originally posted to r/AmIOverreacting Previous BoRUs: #1 [New Update]: AIO? My coworker took video of me outside of work to "prove" I'm not disabled NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: ableism, harassment / stalking, invasion of privacy, hostile workplace, racism Mood Spoilers: disturbing RECAP Editor's note: CP in this post stands for Chronic Pain, not to be confused with cerebral palsy and child porn Original Post: January 14, 2026 This is weird so I need to know if I'm crazy for going as far as I did. I have a condition of chronic pain. The way I explain it to people without chronic pain is that if pain were on levels from 1 to 10, normal people are at most at a 2 or 3 from day to day where people with CP are at more like a 6. Like imagine stepping on a Lego or hitting your funny bone, that's a very brief but excruciating 8. It's like if you pulled a muscle and so there's pain and discomfort if you move it, but pretty much daily. Some days I am higher on the scale, rare blessed days I'm more a 4 or by some miracle lower. Overall I am active and operate well. I do own canes, but I only use them on days when I'm 7 or above. Such a day came this past Sunday. On top of my full time job, I have a part time. Due to being physically and legally disabled, I had all the paperwork already filed with my job in case I ever need accommodations. I have a handicap marker on my license plate and the placard on my rear view mirror and the works. I was recently moved to a location closer to my home. I love my new team. My boss Amy is really great. My colleague Casey and I get along okay but were the same position as assistant coordinators to Amy. The reason I was moved to that location was that it expanded and they needed more hands so they added me. Casey has wanted a promotion for a long time and everyone knows it. I was pretty open that I don't. Lol any promotion from my position would be a full-time and...I already have a full-time job. I do this job to pad my savings and because I frankly like the job. Being busy also helps with my anxiety. I mean Casey works hard but she also likes to talk over me or rush to take charge of something before I can when I clearly was getting to it. She then announces it. "Oh I handled that for you, OP. Don't worry!" And at first I was annoyed but over time I was like alright then, but you didn't have to. I talked to Amy about this. I want to pull my weight but it can be challenging and redundant when Casey is racing to beat me to it. The point was for us to split tasks evenly. Amy said she would talk to her and I don't know what came of that but things didn't really change much so I just accepted it. So when I came in Monday with my cane, everyone had questions. I emailed Amy Sunday night so she knew but I tend to be private so what I told everyone else was that I have a condition and sometimes I need a cane but not always. Amy accommodated me. She assigned me tasks that required little to no movement. I was very grateful and got everything done pretty early so I called over the radio if there was anything else I could do. Casey said no she's got it so I just handled admin stuff that's usually on the backburner. Literally replied with "okay I'll tackle the admin list then" and Casey said no she's got it but Amy followed that with a thank you to me and confirmation that this would be helpful. I still needed my cane yesterday (Tuesday) and it was similar. I completed most of the admin to-dos and Amy was so relieved to have it done. She thanked me for coming in and doing all that instead of calling out. Casey made a comment that she could've helped but I said that's okay and thanked her for handling the more physical tasks. We ended up walking to the parking lot together and she asked which car was mine so I pointed at it. Then she said "so I know you're not disabled, by the way." And I asked what she meant. She just repeated herself and said "so no cane tomorrow, okay? I won't tell. Just no cane tomorrow." 👀. I stood there like what the fuck? But I was meeting my best friend and just left to make it on time. I met my BFF Joy at the bar and we had a wonderful time. I brought my cane but tbh I didn't always use it. For example, I didn't use it to walk from my table to the bar to request another drink or when I got up to hug Joy goodbye. Today, when I woke up, my pain was higher than my normal so I took my cane along. I texted Amy that I have my cane but doing okay in small bursts so put me in Coach lol I was having a good time at my main job and didn't give Casey a thought. I arrive at my part time job and Casey saw my cane and went red. I mean like the way I looked when the Eagles lost to the 49ers lol just SUPER MAD. I greeted everyone and she ignored me completely. We got our assignments and she snidely said to me "Well can you handle that with your cane and all?" In a tone that even made Amy turn to look at her like WTF. I said I can manage and thanked her for her concern and we went about our work. Once again she raced to beat me to things and saying over the radio "don't strain yourself, OP, I did x-task or got y-done" I was so confused until about an hour ago when we finished work she again walked with me to the parking lot but this time showed me a video. It was me. It was me at the bar last night with Joy. I was just like...um why do you have a video of me - that's weird. She says it's proof. I asked of what? And she said it's proof I'm not disabled as I acted so "wounded all day at work" but suddenly don't need my cane at a bar. What???? I wanted to explain that that's just not how CP works. Like yes I can stand up to hug my friend or get up and walk 3 strides to order a new drink but I can't, for example, lean over and organize a bottom drawer without a chair to sit in. I wanted to explain the CP is just an umbrella and under it are a myriad of experiences and abilities and that honestly, if she had left my tasks alone, I'd have done them. She didn't give me the chance and said "no cane tomorrow. I'm serious. Or I'm going to Chad" (Chad is Amy's boss). I said "About what?" But she was already walking away from me and just got in her car. It's just weird. And oddly Chad would know this is bs because his boyfriend has CP too. I'm not so much worried about being "found out" or anything but it's just weird and I'm literally typing an email to Amy CCing Chad about this weird behavior because it's just odd. Am I crazy to want to preemptively explain this? I am anxious ans paranoid in general so I don't want to overreact or make things worse. Edit: I sent the email and also thanks for letting me know I'm not crazy for feeling weirded out. Also I will be simply blocking anyone who is saying this is fake. I don't have time for your bs to be frank. I also texted Amy and Chad. Edit 2: JESUS CHRYSLER DRIVING CHRIST that's a lot of notifications... I'll edit to try to reply all here because there isn't enough coffee in the world... It's morning and I'm still about at a 7 and it's cold today so even if I didn't want to bring my cane, I would have to. I texted ahead so Amy can start thinking about tasks today. For some common themes I've noticed, yeah my pain scale Lego idea wasn't on scale. Stepping on a Lego was the funniest thing I could think of that hurts so I wanted to paint a picture. I wasn't making a clinical pain chart lol feel free to use your own theatre of the mind scenarios to help people without chronic pain have an idea of what it's like. Also I don't understand the vague "don't use the term CP" comments sorry. In this post it means chronic pain. It's within that context 🤷‍♀️ sorry but I just don't get the issue here or of its upsetting...? Idk Amy and Chad have both responded so we will see how today goes. Anyway this was my first break in my FT job so I have to get back to it. Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: Time for a chat with your supervisor and / or HR. Make sure you bring the receipts. OOP: The problem is that I don't have any other than what others have seen about her taking over my tasks. We were alone both times she confronted me in the parking lot and she showed me the video on her phone. Commenter 2: This is actually insane behavior because what? Did we not learn about invisible disabilities? Or people who only need a wheelchair/cane sometimes and are ambitory users? This is actually insane work, who says that to someone? Especially when you’ve got the documentation to prove it. NOR OP. I hope you make a fool out of them because this is actually insane. I don’t know much about legal stuff but this seems like enough to take to HR if you have one. Seriously what is Casey on? OOP: Thank you I was really worried that my past trauma was causing me to blow this out of proportion so I was on the fence about it like maybe I'm just out of touch here. Commenter 3: What the fuck!? NoR - you're underreacting Info: how old are you both?? And what's the job? OOP: I'm 34 and she's 29. The job is real specific but it has to do with the public school system. We have a lot to do with kids who struggle with specific subjects and help them in a way a tutor would but more fun if that makes sense. Commenter 4: NOR - if anything you're underreacting to your coworker creating a hostile work environment. Does your workplace have an HR department? OOP: Not really HR issues are run through Chad's boss who is also basically the 2nd in command of the entire org Commenter 5: She followed you to a bar to film you like a stalker. Let that sink in. You need to go to Amy and Chad not to preemptively explain your situation but bc a coworker is so obsessed with your personal medical details she is stalking you, threatening to jeopardize your job and demanding you don’t use a mobility aid that you have proper documentation for (I.e. legal handicap placard). NOR.   Update #1: January 15, 2026 (next day) AIO? My coworker took video of me outside of work to "prove" I'm not disabled - Update (Thursday) I was asked a lot to update when I got off work so here it is. 😬 Today was… weirdly quiet, which almost made it worse. Not sure what everyone knows but they at least know somethings up. I wasn’t even in the same area as Casey during check-in and I have no clue when she actually arrived. I usually see her as our shifts are the same hours. Turns out she’d been assigned to the back office doing other tasks (hours reduced), while I was put at the admin booth at the entrance handling paperwork and spreadsheets (they definitely took advantage of because I’m good at it 🤣). So we didn’t cross paths at all at first. I actually turned on a voice recorder app as soon as I got to work, just in case. I also added a shortcut on my phone so I can start recording quickly if I need to just in case. I didn’t wanna be caught off-guard like before. I did feel a little silly doing it, but I’d rather feel silly than unprepared, you know? I didn’t see Casey until near the end of the shift, and even then it was barely a glimpse. She looked up, saw me, and immediately turned away. Like full on avoidance. It made my stomach drop. I just turned away and minded my business. Amy was very reassuring but also vague at first. I didn't like that and I think my face said so and she said she doesn't like all the red tape and such either but to be patient because they need to go through all the right channels and steps. Amy let me go home early, but she told me to log my full hours anyway and made it clear she and Chad are actively talking about this and taking it seriously and I am almost certain she and he had been texting the whole shift. She also walked me to my car and said that will continue for now until everything is resolved. About an hour after my shift ended, I got an email from her (Chad CC'd) saying that tomorrow (Friday), Casey will be assigned to admin duty in the back office unless something changes before the shift, and that we should not be interacting at all. It's a long weekend so I figure all the behind the scenes stuff will be happening then. I also found out that Casey already “presented her evidence” That includes the video she showed me before and another video from yesterday (Wednesday). Apparently she filmed me at a local winery during Wine Wednesday (there’s a clip of me getting up to grab a bottle a few steps away, and later another clip of me standing up and doing a small little celebratory dance after a tabletop game win). That’s the part that really messed with my head because hold on when did she start recording me? For how long? I mean I could maybe believe coincidence once, like, okay lightning struck and its weird. Same town, same general area, blah blah blah. But twice, 2 different days??? Two different places?? That’s when it stopped feeling like my paranoia getting the best of me and started feeling… unsettling. I’m honestly starting to wonder if this is something that might need police involvement, as some comments suggested, and I hate that my brain even went there but I mean what other options are there right now?? I’m typing this from a bar right now, but not the same one as before thank god. It is still local to the school (teachers come here a lot) and it’s Thirsty Thursday, so there’s a bigger happy hour discount if you show your school ID. Joy is with me, and a couple other friends are on their way. Joy had been here during my shift in case I needed any backup fast. That said, my head is absolutely on a swivel. So is Joy’s. I don’t feel relaxed the way I normally would. I keep scanning the room without meaning to and when people get too close to me or stand in any way facing me I look up to see if it's her. It's fucking weird. I’m still trying to process all of this, and honestly I’m confused more than anything...I keep going back and forth between “maybe this is nothing” and “this doesn’t feel normal” Right now I’m just documenting everything and doing what HR tells me to do, but I don’t like how small and watched this situation is starting to feel and I hate that I'm recording every moment I can in case she pops up. If nothing else, I’m safe tonight and will be staying at Joy's...I’m not alone and work has made sure we’re separated for now. I guess we’ll see what tomorrow brings. So unless something crazy happens o won't be updating until this is resolved. Wish me luck 🙏. Edit: I just replied to a follow-up email answering some recurring questions HR asked... My answers al ended up centered around: I have never directly or indirectly invited Casey out anywhere. We are not friends outside of work and have never socialized one-on-one. I was also asked whether I feel safe at work. Right now, yes, because management has taken steps to separate us and has been present and supportive. I've yet to be alone at all at work. I’m continuing to follow their guidance and document everything as instructed. I’ll update if anything materially changes, but for now I’m letting HR handle it outside making a non-emergency police report in the morning. Top Comment Commenter: She sounds more unhinged than originally thought based on the fact she’s filmed you multiple times. And refusing to understand that disabilities are on a spectrum. Especially with chronic pain. It doesn’t mean you’re incapacitated all the time or all tasks are equally difficult. Keep us updated on what comes down the line as far as disciplinary actions by HR for her!   ----NEW UPDATE---- Trigger Warnings: racism Final Update: January 23, 2026 (eight days later from the previous update) Hey on my phone so sorry for typos Happy Friday guys. Thanks so much for all the sweet messages checking on me. All things considered I'm okay. My pain spiked pretty badly this past Tuesday, so I took it easy and took off from my fulltime job to pamper myself. That gave me time to think and spend time gaming and gardening. That was a welcome break to brace myself for my part time job. So yes I have been taking care of myself and I loved all the reddit moms (and dads) checking in. This will be long as I am trying nit forget anything so I can close this out (or at least put a pin in it) as I know for me as a reddit scroller, unfinished stories are almost as frustrating as the ones that go on forever. I’m hoping this is my final update on the matter. Legal is now involved. I genuinely didn’t even know our organization even had a legal department but apparently it does and they’re looped in alongside HR. An HR rep has been communicating with me but honestly things have been very quiet on that front, which I’m taking as no news is good news. I’m still at my school and I still love it. I love the students and faculty and even the parents (anyone in education knows parents can be great or they can be soooooo not great lol and rarely is there in between). Casey has been transferred to an admin position at an office in the company I don’t even go to. I haven’t seen her since my last post and I'm glad of it. Work has been peaceful without her. I have more work to do now as the only assistant coordinator there but I'm starting to get my rhythm and the staff there has been very supportive plus I have more chances to get to know the people I work with. What I didn’t expect was finding out (from multiple coworkers in several conversations) was that almost from the moment I joined that campus, Casey had been trying to spread rumors about me. Including suggesting that I’m a danger to kids or that I have an “explosive temper” which is honestly wild to hear about myself. I’m almost always described by others as soft-spoken to a fault and usually get told I need to be more strict with students. If anything I balance Amy out as the “good cop” to her “bad cop” plus the angry black woman tropes are sooooo freaking tired, so it was extra annoying to find out that she was trying paint me as such. She also said to people that the reason she took over my tasks was because I did them wrong or Madd her job harder and she had to redo things. She basically had a narrative that I was Mr. Magoo causing chaos and she was the saintly hard working teammate trying to clean up my messes so I don't get in trouble. HR is still investigating, and I’ve been told to continue documenting anything that comes up. I’m ready to do so but so far it’s been quiet. One unexpected upside is I’m now the sole person at my campus with my title, which came with a pay raise. Not how I would’ve chosen to get it but I’ll take the win. I did file a police report - I think I mentioned this in my last post but if not I was told very clearly that filming in public places isn’t illegal and that there’s no reasonable expectation of privacy in those spaces, so there was no criminal action taken (cue my eyeroll but at least its officially reported). The report is strictly documentation. The local places I frequent have been made aware of the situation and that a report exists. My friends were incredible, they helped me get my car cleaned and detailed just to be absolutely sure there wasn’t anything like a tracker or Airtag like some comments suggested we do. I also finally got around to asking my neighbor to help me install my other security cams. I used to have only one and my doorbell cam and now I can pull up live footage on the whole system all around my house. And to those suggesting a dash cam, I already have one turns out. I never used that feature, so my friends helped. My car is fairly new and I’m still getting used to it. I did start to go over and backup all footage going back since I started at my campus by motion activation points and now have a hilarious compilation of the neighborhood cats being adorable or the crows I feed leaving random things lol (yes I did the crow mom thing). So another good thing came of this. I’m not changing my routines... but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still a little on edge. Especially since multiple coworkers mentioned hearing Casey blow up at Amy on her last day on campus and Amy sent her home for the day (this was on my day off as only Amy and Casey worked MLK day and the coworkers there volunteered to work the holiday for extra pay - time and a half). What she said varies depending on who tells it, but the fact that it happened at all doesn’t exactly make me feel warm and fuzzy as I'm sure you'll understand. But I tell myself everything that can be done on my end, has been done. So I try not to stress about it. That said, I also reached out to a few lawyers just to understand my options. I’m very aware that HR exists to protect the company not me so I want to cover my bases. I meet one over Zoom at my lunch break so wish me luck. I still record when I walk to or from my car. My therapist reminded me to be careful to make sure my being proactive doesn’t turn into living in fear and giving in to my anxiety or PTSD (past trauma). I’m taking that seriously as my mental health has been a journey and I don't want to go back to the way I was before. I can’t and won’t let someone else shrink my life again. I do want to address recurring comments because I can’t reply to everyone individually.. "She goes to bars a lot - drinking is bad!" Yes, I go to bars. No, that does not mean I drink heavily or have a drinking problem (what a leap!). I mean, look I’m disabled and I socialize within what my body allows and thats an isolating enough experience if I let it be. My friends (mostly able-bodied people) go to bars, so sometimes that’s where I go... Sometimes I drink, sometimes I don’t...sometimes it’s a mocktail, sometimes it’s soda. I know my body better than strangers on the internet, to be blunt. For what it’s worth, my ex was an alcoholic and he was abusive and spiraled until it ended him so I promise I’m very aware of what that looks like and am probably one of the last people to be overly concerned about on that matter. "How does she have time to work 2 Jobs and go out? Why wont she just go home" I do in fact have time to go out after work. I work from home full-time and part-time with the school. If I go straight home after a long day I tend to just… keep working. I’m a workaholic by nature and going out helps me actually relax and not make my entire life about my job. I also intentionally line up PTO with most school holidays to rest and take staycations. This is me managing my health both physical and mental not avoiding reality. "Don't go anywhere alone, OP"/concerns for my safety Right now I’m both safe and supported. I’m cautious but I’m still living my life. q I’m choosing not to let this take over my entire world and this is supported by my therapist. Thank you to the people who offered thoughtful advice and genuine concern ❤️ And to the folks who were weirdly judgmental....well, you must be an absolute blast at parties. I’m hoping this is my final Update Edit: the Ice storm woke me up and looked at my phone - Joy and my other friends have a group chat and I think they forgot which chat I’m on with them because they've been trading screenshots of Casey's social media. From what they gathered, Casey did put some of her socials on private in the past day or so but that didn't stop my friends from screenshotting some disturbing posts. In short, Casey has bought into the stereotype that black women especially "steal from the government" by leaning on welfare (such an age old and tired racist trope yet again) and other government programs and this included "faking" disabilities to "rip off" public programs because we clearly don't want to work /s I did just forward this all on to the HR rep I am in contact with. Turns outs, this probably wasn't about my cane after all. Just plain flavored, canned racism without salt. Frankly how boring is that in my country 😴. Edit 2: Joy I'd over with homemade Chili and news. No idea what to make of it but Casey is related to a higher up. Looks like a uncle/Neice. That could be another reason legal is involved but we're guessing at this point. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: The cat and crow compilation is a lovely side effect of something so taxing. PS: If I understand, has your colleague been transferred? Or had her shifts adjusted? OOP: She works in one of the company offices now, from what I understand on an "admin break" - it's a reduced hour pause, I'm told and far away from me Commenter 2: Sounds like you're on top of this, and hopefully you will live your life in peace after all the drama. It also seems like you have a healthy vigilance and not paranoia. Good luck honey!!!!! You deserve a great life. OOP: Thanks so much! I'm hoping the same honestly. My fulltime job is aware due to the harassment/stalking and my boss this morning when I logged in checked in with me about it and said GOD I hope the rest is just so boring you'll struggle to even remember telling me anything new about it and I was like SAME Commenter 3: So, Casey crafted a narrative without even knowing anything about you? What a whackadoodle. If she knew you’re Black and nothing else when she started these rumors, consider sending that little tidbit to HR and asking them to add race discrimination to your complaint. OOP: I didn't even think about it but dammit I might mention to Amy when I come in today Commenter 4: I've been following your posts about this situation from the start OP, and as a Black woman myself, when I saw you mention that detail in this update - the first time I saw it brought up throughout this saga - my first thought was, "Ah, there it is!" You don't mention Casey's race, but I'd bet anything she is not Black, she holds some unpleasant ideas about Black people, and "proving" that you're faking your disability was just a convenient excuse to get the office against you once & for all. I'm glad she's being dealt with seriously by your workplace - she sounds genuinely dangerous as a colleague. OOP: Yeah I didn't think about it that way at first so my flabbers are a bit gasted lol my job has a zero tolerance policy for racism especially in the recent political climate. Huge no no. Of my team actually, I am one of 2 people of color. Amy is Korean American. Everyone else is white, including Casey. Looking back...I feel like there were signs unfortunately   Latest Update here: BoRU #3   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Winston_Duarte Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole WIBTA for not leaving the house for one weekend as requested? Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, entitlement Mood Spoilers: outrageous Original Post: January 20, 2026 Hello. I need an outsiders perspective on this. I try to be understanding, but I am fuming. I think someone who is not living in this apartment would have a more neutral view on this. The situation: We live in a 3 bedroom apartment with 3 parties. We are all students and pay equal amounts of rent. I am Winston, and the other two are Josh and Sara. Josh spends half his week and most weekends and his girlfriends place. He mostly out of the picture. That just leaves Sara and myself. For me I see this is a living arrangement, because it is. I am friendly with everyone but I keep some distance. I usually spend my days in the library, lectures or at home gaming. Door usually open unless I play with friends or have my gf over. So yesterday Sara approached me with a request. But it felt more like a demand. Her brothers are coming to visit. And since her family does not know she is living with two guys (She is coming from a Muslim family who might see this as a big deal), she wants to keep it a secret. She is asking me to leave the apartment next weekend and move all my toiletries into my room. The problem for my side are simple: I do not have a place to go. I am not asking my gf to spend the weekend at her place. She is visiting her family this week and won't be back until next week. We are not at the stage of the relationship where this is something reasonable to ask. If the roles were reversed, I would probably say yes but feel very awkward about this. So... I told Sara that. Where am I supposed to stay? Sleep in the library? She kinda dismissively turned around and told me "That is your problem to solve". That attitude right there pissed me off beyond words. I am in a pickle. On one hand I am livid. I want to tell her to mind her own business and just deal with the fact that she has male roommates. But Josh - who is closer with Sara and agreed already to spend the time away, reminded me to have an open mind about her situation. I do not feel like spending 150-200 Euros - money that I do not have - on a hotel when I am paying rent. But Sara already told me that she expects me to solve it by myself. She won't pay for a hotel. Which leads me to the question... WIBTA if I tell Sara to just suck it? On a different note, with this happening I am already starting to look for a new apartment. This is not the first unreasonable request, but the previous ones where tiny in comparison. Like asking me to please store my toothbrush in my room because she does not like neon-yellow as a colour. Gives her a headache every morning. Ended up buying a new brush early. Verdict: Not the Asshole Relevant Comments Commenter 1: NTA. You pay equal rent, your roommates are not allowed to make you leave for any amount of time. Ask Sara if she’ll pay for your hotel! That matches her entitlement just fine. OOP: I did ask her. She said flat out no. Looking a bit annoying and offended by the suggestion Commenter 2: Nope... nta. if she had offered to pay for a hotel, or if she even aknowledged that this is a big favor to ask and was nice? Then maybe. But even then it is a big ask and she is acting entitled. And really? The color yellow gives her headaches? OOP: I wish I was making it up. It was my first two months in the apartment and I just got a new toothbrush. Back then I wanted to start on a good footing Commenter 3: Sweet God....NTA. An outsider perspective probably superfluous and you know it. In what circumstance is it ok to ask someone to do this? Put every onus on her to deal with her family. Stay the fuck put... And make a point of doing this. You live there FFS. OOP: Thing is Josh's reaction made me second guess myself. But seeing the replies I think I made up my mind Commenter 4: You are staying with a Princess. She should pay for your hotel room. Otherwise you stay put. Her brothers will remove her. Then it’s her problem. OOP: Well we each have a key to our own room. This is what I like very much about the apartment. These are not "One key fits all door" locks. These are proper keys and each key only opens one door. So I look my door the only way to get in is to break it down. That being said... The doors are not sturdy. Half a year ago Josh lost balance and fell through his door. Look cracked out with the frame. If they want to get in, they will get in. Commenter 5: Are they visiting or staying overnight? OOP: They would be staying from Friday to Sunday Commenter 6: You are new to the apartment? I swear I heard a similar story about a roommate that said the same thing to her roommates asking her male roommates to leave the apartment so her family does not know. But this is the same roommate. She needs to cut this out and get her act together. She is not entitled to demand such big favors from roommates. OOP: Moved in last year. They have been living there for 3 years now.   Editor's note: OOP made the next two updates onto the original post within 24 hours Update 1: Thank you for the replies and some DMs I have received. I have decided on a plan of action. I will tell her no. I will tell her that I do not have the money to pay for a hotel, that I do not have a place I can simply crash on. I will also have Josh sit in. I have posted a message in the group chat effectively calling for a meeting tonight. I will explain my situation calmly and why I do not intend to leave on my own dime. That I am happy to play a role in the family visit. To actively show that I have no personal ties with Sara by minding my own business. I like the petty ideas but I am not the type of person to pour gas onto the fire. Further more, I have put out feelers to look for a new apartment with some friends from university. One friend is looking to move out from his parents place and we get along fine gaming. I think this is the point at which the drama is getting too expensive on my mind. So a clean cut is the best option.   Update 2: This has taken a sour turn. I requested the sit down. Sara took this as a "No" on my part and texted a long rant on WhatsApp. To simplify it and translate it to you from German: "I am not going to let you ruin my relationship with my family. If you do not want to leave, you can pay for the Hotel and I expect you to move out by end of January" The cherry on top: Josh just posted a Thumbs up Sooo I also got a few things moving. I contacted the landlord about my lease. I asked him for his permission to use him as an emergency contact in case Sara tries something funny like changing the locks on me. He flat out told me to call him first if that happens because then he will call the police. We have a shared lease. We are each listed as tenants and he needs to approve changes to the lease. So I am currently in the bus with my most important documents and I am storing them at my girlfriends place. I explained the situation and she gave me permission to store some of my things. But she also said her roommate would not appreciate a guy suddenly sleeping over when she herself is not there. I am worried about what else is to come. But I am following the suggestion and precautions texted here and in DMs. I am preparing for a storm.   Editor's note: below is the latest update made onto the same original post Update #3: January 22, 2026 (two days later) Update 3: Yesterday evening I went on the offensive. The drama unfolded quite predictably. The advice from the comments here were very helpful on what to brace for. I told Sara no. I told her that even if i wanted to, I do not have the money for a hotel and since I am paying rent and do not have an alternative, I will stay. Sara was upset. She yelled at me how selfish I am being. Demanded again that I move out be the end of the month. I responded that I will not do that. That I would start looking for an apartment, as I too am sick of this situation here. But that I will use the time I legally have to look for a new apartment. This turned into a circle argument that this is not about legal BS but a matter of principle. In the end I made my point clear. I will move out eventually. But I also made it clear that I would take my utilities, like the Coffeemaker I bought and everyone is using and a greater jab: The washing machine is mine. Theirs broke down a while before I moved in. I bought one for my previous apartment and was happy to bring it. Did not expect anyone to pay shares and put it in as community usage. This sparked another screaming match. Josh even tried to argue that as it is now communal property, I waived ownership, which is BS. Details to that part are not important. Just more of the same followed for almost an hour. Point is. My important documents are secure at my girlfriends place. The landlord is in the picture and I will update him later today. I also documented the state of my property this morning. Still get the Amazon and Electronic-store receipts just in case for the community property. However, taking some notes from the more petty advices, I will move the coffee maker to my girlfriends place today. She loves this Coffeemaker and I figure I rather make her happy than my roommates. Relevant Comments Commenter: With the updates, I am rather surprised that Josh was okay with it, given that he could very easily be next on Sara's hitlist. However in his case, I guess the fact that he spends so much time at his girlfriend's place means he feels he does not need to get involved. I think the thing to do is to tell the Landlord that Sara has demanded you leave, so you will be breaking the lease agreement as soon as you have a place to go to, and that you will pay your full share of the rent for the month where you are partially resident (it works out in your favour if you leave toward the end of the month, and it works in his favour if you leave early in the month). The issue of the apartment security deposit might come up. I am not familiar with German tenancy rules, but typically the Landlord in Sweden just takes A security deposit, and it is up to the tenants between them to figure out the shares. In that case, you would be getting your share of the security deposit back from Josh and Sara, either now or when they leave... and good luck getting money out of them once you have moved out. Personally I would ask for a walk-through with the Landlord (bonus points if you can do that during Sara's family visit) so that he can see the state your room and the shared spaces are in, and that he can sign something to the effect that he has inspected and is happy that you have no liability. You then force Josh and Sara to pay you your 1/3rd of the security deposit before you leave. OOP: We have a shared lease. When I moved in, I replaced an old tenant. He moved out on day 1, the landlord organized the handover protocols on day 1, had contractors in on day 5 and I moved in on day 14. The old got his share back minus the agreed upon amount and I paid 1/3 of the total deposit. Everyone has a 1/3 stake and everyone is responsible for their room. Shared stakes in kitchen and bathroom. All agreed upon in the contract which share of the deposit would cover which rooms. Commenter 2: NTA, but your updates are confusing and a bit sus, though it may be a language and cultural barrier. First, why does Sara have the right to tell you to move out? If all three of you are on the lease, she has no power to throw you out. Second, the group chat vibes are hella sus—have you all been fighting or something? Because what you recounted reads very much like you are the problem roommate the other two have been trying to get rid of for awhile, not like a fresh new situation like the one this post is actually about. (editor's note: removed OOP's bottom half of the response to this comment as it is a rehash of Update #3) OOP: She does not have the power to force me out. Lease contracts are quite clear on that matter in Germany. I will post an update later once I have permission from the mods. Exceeding the maximum number of characters at the moment. I think in their eyes I am indeed the problem roommate. And I think it stems from me having different expectations to a shared apartment. In my opinion my obligations to the apartment are being friendly and obeying the rules. Like cleaning dishes immediately and cleaning up after myself in bathroom and kitchen. As well as doing the weekly cleaning on time. What I do not want to do is participate in activities I do not enjoy. That has been a source of friction, in particular between Sara and myself. To give you a context. I study biochemistry and spend a lot of time at the library. The exams at my university are tough. So if you want that top-grade, you need to study. A lot. My regular day looks like this: Lectures in the morning, library in the afternoon and three days a week I work at a Bar. When I get home I am usually quite exhausted and want to either spend time with my gf, get into bed or meet up with my friends in the city or online. Josh and Sara on the other hand spend their freetime preferably as a group in the apartment. Sara, Josh and Josh’s girlfriend. They play board games, watch movies, gossip and so on. I did join a few times in the beginning but the type of gossip was just... draining. Who slept with whom of people I did not know, or what kind of backstabbery is happening in their extended friend groups. I do not enjoy Drama. Not as a movie, not IRL. So I chose to keep my distance a bit. Still participating in the chores and doing my share. But you are right. There has been a passive aggressive tone for a while ever since me joining went from several times a week to maybe once a month. Not abruptly, but gradually. It is my opinion that Sara enjoys Drama. Like really enjoys it. And that might be why this is now boiling over so violently (metaphorically speaking). Concluding Comments Final comment #1 & Final comment #2: January 22, 2026 (same day, after the latest update) OOP: Final update posted. I have one more. A tiny one but I have been laughing the last 5 minutes about it. I moved the coffeemaker yesterday. This morning I have received a notification about an expense input from Sara. FYI we use an app to track shared expenses. It gives you the options to assign charges. This morning Sara added one expense assigned to me. "Coffee" - Attached: A Starbucks bill roughly 12€. My response again following some petty advice: I assigned a charge to her titled "Konsequenzen-Steuer" Roughly translated into "Consequence-taxes". German does not have a neat word for entitlement. The exact translation is a legal term that is used differently... OOP: There will be no more updates unless something groundbreaking happens. Just a small one from today. I already moved the coffeemaker. I’m retaliation I have received a charge on our shared expenses app. 12€ for coffee with an attachment of a Starbucks receipt. I have been taking notes from the more petty comments. I connected a charge (Basically the way the app works is that a charge can be updated. Person A says I want X for this. Person B says about this I will deduct Y for that) and deducted 12€ for consequence taxes. DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]