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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Virgo514 Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole Previous BORUs #1 by LucyAriaRose #2 by u/insafian #3 by LucyAriaRose #4 by u/insafian Status: Concluded Trigger Warning: Emotional Neglect Mood Spoiler: optimistic Original (AITA for telling my husband he works for himself not for our family) - Jan 19th 2024 My husband and I have known each other for 6 years and been married for almost 3 years now. We have a one year old, and we're expecting another baby. Our marriage has been full of emotional highs, we love each other and let the other know regularly. My husband has a 9 - 5 job after which he is also a tutor. He had started this back when we were in college, and it was never an issue, he always had enough time. Even in the years leading up to the marriage and the first year of our marriage, this was never a big issue. However, in the last year or so it's become a big issue, and it's getting worse. He keeps on adding more classes to his schedule. Until last month we had a red line that no classes on Sunday, he would devote that entire time to us. But last month he even added a class on Sunday on the excuse that exams are starting. It started to feel like me and my son weren't a priority to him anymore. Some days he comes home at 11. On other days he's doing it online but that's not much better because he still can't give us any time. Last Sunday, I finally spoke out and told him he was neglecting his family. He was offended and told me that he doesn't enjoy having to work so hard but he's doing it for our family. This is where I told him that no, I think he does enjoy it, it gives him an excuse to not spend time with us, and that he was doing this for himself not for us. As things currently stand, our collective income is more than enough, there really was no need for him to add more classes on top of his existing ones, he's doing it for himself at this point. He's literally busy Monday - Saturday and now he's trying to cross the red line we established for Sunday. We've been on bad terms since this fight. He keeps saying he can't believe that I said he works for himself not for us. AITA here? Relevant Comments: Comment 1 ( downvoted): It’s going to be hard and you’re going to have to grit your teeth through it, but if he is working all the time to support his family. Love the man and cherish the little time you get with him. He’s grinding to support yall. Would you rather you spend all the time in the world together and living in squalor or on the streets? Please support him while he supports his family. Hell have you told him you’re proud of him working so hard? OP: I have a 9 -5 job too, and like I said our collective income covers our expenses and then some. If that weren't the case ofcourse I wouldn't be angry, I would understand. But given the situation, the fact that he took away the one day we get together just because "it's exam season" really got to me. I also want to make clear I absolutely appreciate how he provides for us to give us a great standard of living. And I've told him this many times. But now it feels like he's adding more work to disengage. Comment 2: Info: Did he grow up lower income? His father may have worked himself to the bone to keep them above water. So it may be all he knows. OP: No, both his parents are doctors. That was certainly not the case. Comment 3: INFO: I see where you’re coming from but I gotta ask - you sound like you feel secure about your financial situation. But does he? You’re expecting another kid. You have a 1-year old with another on the way. I don’t know where you’re based, but certain regions are more expensive than others for families to live in. Based on just that information alone, there could be plenty of thought put behind whether or not you guys have the financial stability for the future. You clearly think so, but does your husband? Have you ever had that conversation with him, fruitfully, honestly, about the objective truth of your financial stability AND his and your thoughts on it? OP: Yes, we had that discussion before. We talked about how since we're already comfortable, there shouldn't be any need to have a class on Sunday. In fact at the time, I also thought he should cut down on his existing classes but relented on the Sunday agreement. I didn't think the numbers were important, but a lot of comments (not you) seem to doubt my judgement that we're stable. I'm an accountant who makes $70k/year. My husband is a software engineer who makes around over $100k. And based on how many students he teaches and how many classes he has, he makes over $100k from that. Our household income covers our expenses. I'm an accountant, this is kind of my bread and butter. Update 1 - Jan 20th 2024 Thank you for the feedback in the last post. The comments said that me asking him to adhere to the boundaries we established was reasonable. Some comments also suggested that I should not have implied that he works just to get away, so I was a little apologetic as well. After he came back I decided to talk to him about this. The conversation was a bit of a trainwreck. I brought up the fact that our income far exceeds ur current and projected expenses. That me and our son were missing him, and needed him to spend more time with us, and I made sure to stress that I appreciated all that he did. It just seemed like we were on completely different wavelengths. He said he kept on taking more lessons and students because he wanted us to have a good standard of living, have better vacations, better schools, a second house. I was dumbfounded. I never knew he felt that way. I stressed our current standard of living was great, we make enough money, and that if he thinks that way there's no end in sight. What if he decided we should also have a third house or something? Right now I needed him with me. At this point, I kind of lost control and started crying. I didn't mean to, it wasn't something I wanted to do to pressure him or anything, just the fact that we were at an impasse was wrecking me. I told him I'd been feeling unhappy, that I kept compromising and he reneged on it. After some more crying and consoling, my husband agreed that Sunday should have remained off-limits. He gently asked me to give him a pass for one more Sunday, because his students exams end next week, and he would make Sunday untouchable the following semester onwards. He also promised to try to resize his classes in order to be able to come back home for dinner even if it's late dinner. He asked for time to do all this. I've given it to him and I know he loves us enough to do what he promised. Thanks for the feedback to the original post. Relevant Comments Comment 1: You need to tell him that he needs to get right with his family and you right now. Or he might be living in that third house alone. Play him "Cat's in the Cradle" as background music. OP: I would like the changes to happen immediately but I want those changes to be permanent. If he does something at a snap right now but has to go back that would suck. So I'm just giving him the time to make those sustainable changes. I'm getting our Sunday back after the next one which is progress. At least we're back to the red line. He said he'd already booked a lot of classes for the next semester, so he just asked for time to discuss and rearrange them since he can't just say no to his students after agreeing. He was earnest, I believe I made it known to him the toll its been taking on me, and he will make the necessary changes. Comment 2: OP. You did a good job and took an important first step. I think it would be unrealistic for him to do a complete 180 after this conversation, and this is a necessary stepping stone. I’m usually very negative about relationships, but it disheartened me to see all the top comments being so negative when you took the time to update us and you didn’t need to. I hope things continue to improve for you OP: Thank you. I had thought I did good, and then found out a lot of people here disagreed, so I started doubting how I did. I appreciate what everyone is saying, but he's a loving husband, friend, and father, it's just this one issue that's just gotten out of hand, I cant think of packing my bags. I believe he was neglecting us, but during the conversation realized he didn't know the extent to which it was affecting us. The classes issue has been getting bigger and bigger over time, so I realize fixing it will require some time, I'm just going to make sure I see him do it. Comment 3: Have you guys considered hiring a maid/nanny to help with household duties? If your making enough money it could be worth the investment to reduce your burden OP: Ya, that came up in the conversation and I'm looking into it. My job is wfh two days of the week so that helps, and my mom lives close by which is super helpful too. Most days I manage the household and child rearing without any issues. Like it's not like I plan to give him a list of errands to run on the days he's in the house, but him just being physically present is something I'm missing now, and he's promised to remedy it as well he can. Comment 4: The biggest problem I see is that his self-worth is being validated by his students and classes - more than by his own family. He likes how teaching makes him feel, and he doesn't get the same validation from being just a husband and father. So, he will continue to prefer working as much as he can. And it's a double whammy because he justifies the extra work is for his family, so he feels doubly validated for doing "good" things. OP: Your comment stayed with me for some reason, and I kept coming back to it. I asked him yesterday if he enjoyed teaching Physics and Math for hours on end, that he works so long how does he not start hating it. (I didn't bring up the topic of reduced hours or Sunday because we already have an agreement on that for now). He said he does like it. After some more inconspicuous needling he told me he enjoys the fact that so many people trust that he can make them understand stuff and better their grades/future. I didn't go further into it. But your comment really helped give me some insight. Thank you so much. Update 2 - March 11th 2025 Around a year ago I had been having issues with my husband regarding his tutoring schedule and had come here to know if I was in the wrong. A few people had asked me to let them know if things improve or continue to deteriorate. We're in a better place now. We've been blessed with a daughter now too. He has become better at handling his workload and tutors primarily online now. I know I had said at the time that that's not much better but it really is. Sundays have become sacrosanct again(with very rare exceptions that he asks my approval for in advance), and Wednesdays are free now too. He does more group tutoring now and so gets done by 8 30 most days too. He also got a new day job which is entirely wfh, which has made things much better because he isn't so burnt out anymore. In the weeks following up to my daughters arrival, he'd been by my side(especially since she arrived during the summer when school is out).I also took some advice from here and hired help to ease the burden which has worked out really well. I've also learned to embrace the fact that his tutoring gives him joy which maybe his software development job doesn't. He seems to be proud when his students get into good universities, and that it results in even more students. He still claims to do it for purely financial reasons but I know that can't be completely true, because our financial needs really do not require it. So it must be something he enjoys. So I've become more understanding on that front too. I have had to put my foot down a few times though especially in the initial days following our conversation to make sure he understands that I was serious about needing his presence more. I had also confided in his older sister about this issue (which he was NOT happy about at the time and was probably an accidental AH move on my end) but it helped. They had an argument, she straight up told him he was either going to end up working his way into an early grave at the age of 30 or ending up divorced, which helped. Full disclosure the only time we ever really argue is still about this when I'll want him to be free but he won't be. But it's rare and overall we've come up with a good balance that seems to be working for us. Thank you. Relevant Comments Comment 1: This is so sad. Imagine having to go through all of this to force your spouse to spend time with you and your kid. It's sad that your idea of "better" is still him barely being around except for one full day a week. At the end of the day, if the choice was up to him, he would rather spend time tutoring than with you and his own child. That's because he's not doing it for money like he said. He doing it so he doesn't have to be around you guys. It's so sad that you've accepted it. Comment 2: It sounds as if the situation is still sort of a "work in progress," but is getting more positive for both of you and resentment isn't growing on either side. That's good, and congratulations on your daughter. New post by OP (AITA for telling my husband I'll go on vacation with the kids and my best friend if he's too busy with work) - November 5th 2025 My husband and I have been married for over 4 years. Our son is 3 and our daughter is 16 months old. My husband has a busy schedule, due to both his day job and his business after that and on Saturdays (and sometimes if I'm ok with it, Sundays). We had planned to go to Spain at the end of December for a couple of weeks. Like we've bought tickets, booked a hotel, talked about how we'll spend our two weeks there. Last weekend he asked if we could postpone our trip to the end of June. Like a literal six months after we're supposed to go. I said no, it was so unfair that he was pulling this at the last minute. He asked me to understand that his business required him to suddenly change his plans, that it was important, that hed been looking forward to this down time as much as I had. To provide more context this isnt the first time this has been an issue. His business hours had been an issue over the past 2 to 3 years. He'd made changes and organized his hours better and his job had become wfh too, so we had struck a balance that I could be ok with. But his business hours again started infringing on our family time, and he'd been promoted to a managerial role at his day job so he was now going in to work on some days too. I told him I'd been looking forward to this for so long, counting days till our vacation. I told him I'll be going regardless whether he wants to come or not, and if he doesnt want to come we can get a refund and my best friend can go in his place. Admittedly I was just lashing out I have no idea of the logistics of it. Yesterday I asked him again what his plan was. He tried to show me messages from his clients to show how busy he was during that period, I told him I don't care. He gave me his word. According to him I'm being unreasonable. I wanted to know AITA here. Also, I dont even know if its logistically feasible and I dont want it to come to it, but would I be the AH if I actually went on vacation and took my best friend along? Relevant Comments Comment 1: INFO: what’s the financial situation? Does he need to be working a second job, and does he really need to please this client this much? OP: Our financial situation is well in the green. Tending to These clients during those two weeks won't make or break us. Comment 2: He needs to either set the boundary with his clients that he won’t be available those 2 weeks, or do the work remotely from Spain. His business is tutoring students, if he lets them know now, he can plan what’s he’s tutoring them on to get them ready for exams before he goes away. Definitely hold your ground on this. From your previous posts he has a real issue with over-working and not prioritising family. It’s like he feels like he’s failing if he relaxes - and that’s not good for his health long-term, or his marriage. OP: Thanks. I agree and maybe thats the compromise I can go with. That he can do it online from there. Its not ideal, I'm not wild about him doing his classes while we're on vacation but at least we'll be together. I'll think about it. Also, I just realized my profile was available for people to see my previous posts. It sounds wrong but I was trying to keep the business vague rather than mention that its his tutoring business because when that gets mentioned, everyone becomes a lot more sympathetic about the work. But its not a charity he's running, its his business. Comment 3: The tutoring thing makes him look worse, honestly. He could easily have told his students he's not going to be available those weeks months ago. And that's even before I peaked your profile and saw you were the one who posted previously about what a workaholic your husband is. If you do delay the vacation, you know he's just going to cancel again, right? He's addicted to working and this is never going to end. OP: I'm surprised and honestly relieved that his business being tutoring isn't clouding people's judgement. It definitely does irl. If I ever in passing talk about how busy he is, everyone, including my own mom lol, is like yeah it sucks but also look at how many students future he's securing. At this point I just honestly want to reply with what about our kids. My kids get his undivided attention less than other people's kids. I know it sounds horrible lol Comment 4: Knowing what the business is actually makes me more sympathetic about you. It’s not like he’s a contractor and that maybe something unexpected happened and X project got delayed and suddenly he needs the time. If he’s tutoring students, then LITERALLY HE CHOOSES HOW TO FILL HIS AGENDA. A responsible father/husband would block his agenda for those vacation days, make plans with the students, and would be very clear with his boundaries. Unfortunately, your family is not a priority for him, and doesn’t know how (or doesn’t want to) make you guys a priority. And besides that, Spain in June is full summer, and the heat is reaaaaaally strong. December yes, it’s winter, but depending where you’re going, it would be a better weather. Finally, I would bet ANYTHING that if you agreed, you would be having this same conversation in May. NTA, go on that trip OP and have a great time with your kids. OP: Exactly, I know Spain is going to be so hot in the summer, thats why I don't want to delay it. We had planned on being outside and going places and walking in the heat with out kids doesn't sound like fun. He knows he has to make us a priority and he'd been trying to juggle it well, and doing well with it too. But his classes just get more filled up every semester. I handle the finances so I can see it. I've made the case to him that he should just cap it now but that doesn't go anywhere. And then his new role at his software job also messed up the balance we had. Comment 5: Girl, girl. I remember your previous posts now! You are so NTA. Your husband is pulling this crap again?? He literally sets his own schedule. He scheduled these students KNOWING you already had a vacation planned. What is the deal? He’s not the most important tutor in the world. These kids can find another tutor if he’s full. If this was totally unexpected or he was like the only doctor in the world who could perform a lifesaving surgery during that week I would feel a little more sympathy. But he’s literally doing this to himself. And he’s doing it to you. I’m so mad for you. When is he going to start prioritizing his family?? I mean seriously if you go to Spain by yourself is that really all that different from the life you’re living right now when he’s working all the time?! OP: I'm going to bring up the idea of him doing his classes while in Spain (with boundaries). Its not ideal but it should work. I've been really looking forward to this family vacation, so this way we'll get to have that. Comment 6: That may be a fix for now but boundaries don’t work when your husband continues to blow thru through them and faces no consequences. If you divorced right now and your husband had 50/50 custody we would see his kids more. Is this really how you want to continue living? If you’re fine with how things are right now then that’s fine. But it doesn’t seem like you are happy. Because this keeps coming up again and again. And he continues to not listen to you and then he complains about problems that he created. This vacation is now an issue between the two of you because he knowingly scheduled people during the vacation time. He had complete control over this situation and scheduled students anyway. He can’t say no to his students. But he has no problem saying no to you and making you comprise and clean up his mess again and again and again. Are you really okay with that? OP: No, I'm not. I would like him to dedicate more of his time to us. And he did make things better but things got out of hand again. Hes a good and loving husband and father otherwise, its just this one issue, and it is what it is ig. But pulling the rug out at the last minute is unacceptable and thats why I dont think I should postpone the vacation. I'm going to push for him doing it online from there, I think that'll be a good compromise. Comment 7: INFO Does he provide all of the income for the household? How old is his business? Did he breakdown the difficulties he would be facing with you in pursuing a new business when you married or when he started it? Is he eventually hoping to turn his business into his full time profession? What is the goal in it? I ask these questions because it really does determine if he is a AH or not. My business is less then three years old and often a new business can require a lot of work. Like A LOT. Vacations changing is like one of the most common changes a business owner needs to face. I spoke with my husband before pursuing. Did he speak with you? OP: No, I also work. I'm an accountant and I have wfh half the week so like on a 2-3 basis. Our income distribution is roughly 75 - 25. His business is about 7-8 years old now. He started it in college. And the workload wasnt a problem until a few years ago. I have suggested he make the business his sole work, especially since we'd be comfortable without his day job too. His reasoning has been that because his business hours kind of don't align with a 9-5, he wouldn't be making use of those hours anyway although I have told him that him doing nothing would be the goal. Comment 8 (downvoted): Dont make threats or it will harm your marraige. Not enough info here. Do you.work? Are you a trophy wife? Do you provide any financial support to household or does his business pay the bills. As a man he is doing his best to make the business a success and maintain a clientel to give you the life you and he think your family deserves. Support him. We do not know if your best freind is guy or girl as that matters. If my wife did what you suggested you would do and it was a man the next conversation we would be having is about divorce and custody arraingments. OP: Yes I work. And I'm proud of what he's accomplished. But I also want him to be creating these memories with me and our kids. If I thought him forgoing the clients for those two weeks would be critically harmful I wouldn't push him. But we've long passed the point of being fine financially. And I just feel these other aspects of our family life need more attention. My best friend is a girl. She's been my best friend since we were in school. Update 4 - November 9th 2025 Hi, thanks a lot for the feedback on my first post. I had decided to suggest he do his tutoring classes online while we were in Spain as a compromise and thats what I was planning on doing. My husband caught a cold on Thursday though and had been really down and out the last couple of days. He had taken these two days off work (from his day job). Despite my insistence that he rest, he tried to do his tutoring class as scheduled but literally couldn't get through it and canceled those as well. I didn't want to have the conversation while he was this sick so I postponed it. It was great (maybe not the best choice of words as a wife talking about my husband getting sick lol) to kind of just have him do nothing for these two days. He spent time with me and the kids, a few of his friends and some mutual friends of ours also came to our place to see him because they rarely see him outside of important occasions. Last night I brought up the vacation again. He agreed without too much resistance. He said he'll move around some classes or take them in advance but either way he'll be with us for the vacation. I thanked him and also told him he needs to take it easy its clearly affecting his health. He was like him being sick isn't because of the work its because of the change in weather. I did bring up that we had had an agreement earlier and that he'd kept to it for a while and we'd really struck a good balance but things are back to the way they were prior to that. He said he always asked me before filling up Sundays, and that is true tbf, its just, there's only so many times I can say no. He also mentioned how two people he knows have recently been laid off, that times are bad economically. I told him I don't see why that has to affect him, we're doing well financially, we have more than enough savings, our careers are good, he has a business that has been growing every year, we're secure where we are. He said he was too sick to talk about this, and that right now our kids are young, they need less of him, that his classes are important because students and parents come to him after having heard of him, and that its important for them to get into good universities. I told him our son is old enough that he now wants to spend time with him, and that I can compromise on my needs and wants but not our kids'. He got the point I was trying to make and said that he'll make the necessary changes. I'm glad our vacation is back on track! I'd really been looking forward to this as a family. Also, I'm glad I told him how he'd been reneging on the balance we'd established earlier and he'll be going back to it. He did do it last time so I'm confident he'll do it again, we both just have to work to make sure we keep it in place. Thanks a lot. Comment 1: Glad the vacation is happening (supposedly) but he’s full of crap. He’s made his priorities clear. Young kids need their parents more! Comment 2: As soon as you mentioned Sundays I remembered your older posts. I'm glad that the vacation is back on, but honestly your husband needs some sort of Cats in the Cradle, three ghosts visiting him wake up call. He really only stayed with your previous deal for a short amount of time. I wish I knew some way to get through to him, but I think that's going to be very hard. I'm sorry, I don't think he is going to get better with his time management and it will always be on you to nag him. If he really doesn't get better, I think in the futre you should just book any vacation you want and if he comes or not that's on him. He needs his eyes opened Enjoy your vacation and I hope you have great family memories! OP: He did get better with it a while back when I had seriously brought it up with him. This was when I was pregnant with my daughter. He just slipped back lately, and the new role in his day job also messed with the balance a bit. I think this vacation will be a good reset. Update 5 - January 8th 2026 Hi, a few people were kind enough to keep me in their thoughts and wanted to know how our vacation went (if it did at all).So my husband did keep to his word and we had a really good time in Spain (and Portugal too), and he didn't do any classes while we were there. So lately he'd been frequently running fevers and not been well.I'd brought up that his workload was catching up to him, he denied it, we ended up going to our family doctor. His blood pressure had come out 150/110 She asked us questions and also asked him if his day-to-day involved stress and he said no. I was actually stunned when he said that. I unloaded and told her exactly what his schedule looks like. She made it clear that with his family's history of high blood pressure and his workload he was shaving years off his life, and messing up his immunity too.That was my breaking point. I told him I loved him to bits, if anything happened to him I'd be devastated, crazy with grief but I would summon the strength to live. But I will not let him deprive our kids of their father by working himself to death. That I had given him enough chances and he was taking advantage of my love for him by reneging on our established boundaries, if I had to disrupt his late night classes myself I would. He told me to give him time, we had an argument because I was having deja vu of previous conversations. I gave him a week to do what he needed to.He managed to make some really meaningful changes. It was stuff I'd been suggesting for so long but he'd been resisting and not listening to me, I think he thought if he combined into larger groups than he already had, he'd receive some pushback. Well not a single student left nor any parent complained after he did it. He's since managed to have Wednesdays and Sundays completely free, Mondays, Fridays and Saturdays are reasonable, only Tuesdays and Thursdays are bad. We had a great vacation, he was fully present, and it was the kind of vacation that I had wanted, one where we could decompress. When we were flying back I asked him if he'd had fun, he kind of laughed and said that he's not our kids that I had to check up on him. I told him its not that, I was really happy with the way he'd kept to our established boundaries and I know its a change for him. And that we were both going to make sure we keep those boundaries intact. I know its just a step in the right direction but I am hopeful we can maintain this. I'm also going to be more forceful about this. I don't care if people around us think I'm holding him back or if these boundaries mean some kids don't get the help from him they need, I will not sacrifice my kids happiness for them. Thanks a lot for all the help and advice. Relevant Comments Comment 1: I'm glad the vacation was great (and actually happened)! Sucks his health is actually in trouble and we can hope this is the wakeup call he needs but god, you had to mom him and tell the doctor his likely cause of stress. That's not a good look for him. Is he like actively parenting your kids or is he just the family friend/grandparent who pops in to "help" you. Could he take care of the kids if you got in an accident and knows what they like/dislike as well as any allergies or would you need to call in external help to take care of them for him? When is he planning on cutting back so he can spend time with them does he even have a time frame or is it just a nebulous promise? Like I'm glad he's making changes...again, but his schedule isn't fair to you or the kids. His lack of time lines or concrete goals means he'll always have some excuse. And idk if anyone ever said but be firm on not getting a second house. What's even the point of one if he almost bailed on a simple vacation? It's something you'll have to maintain on top of everything else be it hiring cleaners/yard work or renting it or both, and it'll just be another excuse to work longer and keep pushing back the date he'll step up and actually father his children. OP: Since he's changed his schedule and consolidated classes he has been more involved. He plays basketball with our son now in the backyard (we'd had an adjustable hoop put in which is now finally being used) , he is spending time with our daughter too. The new changes have helped. We have a nanny that comes in and a cleaner too so that helps with the chores. I deliberately don't give him like chores or errands tbh because he's still adjusting, even when he asks if there are any. Really all I want him to do is be in the living room with us, go out with us, and just be present with us which he's doing a lot more of now. Comment 2: I think you need to establish a rule that he's no longer even allowed to ask if he can tutor on Sundays. It's not fair to be making you the bad guy who has to say no, and if he was serious about this, he wouldn't be asking in the first place. OP: If he asks I will say no now. But thats a good point about even the question being off limits. I'll think about that! Comment 3: I'm happy that you got your vacation! Hopefully your husband gets more tests done to narrow down his health issue. The part where you have to veto his "extra work" makes me narrow my eyes a bit. He's making you the bad guy instead of holding himself accountable. OP: At this point honestly I'm ok with being the bad guy. I won't let him do what he was doing. I won't let him deprive my kids of their father by working himself to a grave. If it seems like I'm becoming overbearing or "mothering" him, I'm ok with being seen that way now. Comment 4: Sorry if this is rude.... but are you not at the same point as a year ago? Nothing really changed. Like..at all its the same update as before. He'll go back to the same stuff, and then you'll be back here. And then you'll update again that you finally found a workaround! And he's free on Wednesday and Sunday!! Then you'll ne back again saying he broke his word again...rinse and repeat. Again, I'm sorry if this is rude. But nothing is gonna change. He's just going to wait to do the same bs. I'm saying this as this man's daughter. My dad worked like that for most of my life and is trying now to build a relationship with me. I love him, but it's weird. You are being naive. You have to be strong, or that's gonna be your life. Forever. Really. It does not get better if you don't grow a spine. OP: I won't let us go back. Not when going back is affecting his health and by extension our kids. When I said I would disrupt his late night classes, I really meant it at the time. Update 6 [Final Update] - May 19th 2026 Hi! I thought I'd give an update. It was actually because this weekend my mom was over and had remarked that I look a lot less stressed and that we seem to be all doing much better. I felt pretty happy about that, if a third person can see some improvement we must be doing something right! I'd been a lot firmer with my husband since his health scare. I'd told him that I'd had two kids with him with the knowledge that they'll have their father and there was no way I was going to let them be deprived of one. He too has been taking organization of his hours more seriously. I've helped him in handling his schedule and sometimes dealing with students/parents. He almost exclusively does group classes now, I've set it up so his classes end at 7 30 pm on weekdays, and sundays are totally free. Once or twice every couple of weeks there'll be a late weekday but they're sometimes required according to him (he says since its group classes he keeps pace with the school thats going the fastest which means he sometimes has to do an extra class with those students who were behind in school compared to his). Its fine though, its not that often. He was more reluctant to let me handle some of his communication with parents and students. Honestly, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but some parents can be extremely entitled, like they keep insisting on extra attention or 1-1 classes, act like just offering to pay more will get them whatever. My husband and I talked about it, I told him hardly anyone would leave, if theyre coming off of reputation they won't, and not a single one has. Based on the doctor's instructions we've been diligently tracking his BP. Its still worrisome, especially with his family history. Its better like 140/85 most recently, so its still worrisome but I'm hoping these changes, less stress, better sleep schedule helps. Because he's free after at latest 7 30, and all of sunday, he's spending a lot more time with me and our kids. I'm really glad we were able to get to a better place while my daughter is still an infant. I do feel very guilty and feel like I failed our son a bit because he didn't get that time when he was her age, but he's getting it now and I hope that can continue and not change now. Like I think I've said this before too, I don't need to give him chores around the house, all that is fine, really all I needed was him to be present for us like a normal family and I think we've done a good job in that regard of late. Thank you to everyone who helped, some comments stung last time, but maybe I needed that to stop letting things slide so thanks. Relevant Comments Comment 1: Parents can be truly entitled, and they don't stop (I work with college students)! Glad he's doing better, though 140/85 isn't fantastic, it's still an improvement and a win for you both. It really sounds as though your entire family is on the right track--hope it stays that way! 💖 DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/insafian to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Recently, I hosted a small community event at my void deck called Kampong Soup Kitchen. The basic idea was simple: serve free soup to people who signed up, and if there was extra, anyone passing by was welcome to have some too. This came partly from reading and thinking about how many people feel socially isolated today, even though we technically have so many ways to connect. Initially, I wanted to use private venues for community events, but rental costs made it hard to keep sustainable. Then someone in a social Telegram group mentioned that they had organised a potluck at their void deck before, and suggested I try asking my town council. So I did. I explained clearly that it was a free community food event, with no money exchanged, and that I would cap it at around 50 people to keep it manageable for both me and the residents. To my surprise, they were okay with it. I ended up serving two soups: - A clear chicken soup with crêpes and vegetables - A spiced pumpkin and carrot soup with red lentils and coconut milk I tried to keep the ingredients halal-friendly, although I also made it clear that I’m not from a halal household. The total cost for using the space came up to $89.38. That included $50 for the rental, plus charges for the use of electrical and water points. Compared to private venue rental, it was honestly very affordable, and I’m quite grateful that my town council was open to the idea. Small clarification: I paid for everything myself and ran this independently. Nobody paid me anything, and the soup was free for anyone who came by, though I set aside portions first for those who had signed up. There were some hiccups. I could only use one electrical point because the other one required a 15A round-pin plug, which I did not have. One water point also was not working, though thankfully there was another one nearby. I also could not confirm the wattage of the electrical point, so I was slightly worried about overloading or tripping it. I spread the word to my neighbours quite last-minute because the event itself was also planned in a bit of a rush. Still, some neighbours came down to try the soup, and a few even offered to help out at the next one. Some of them also naturally started chatting with people who had signed up, which was honestly one of the nicest parts of the whole thing. I also want to thank the people who volunteered to help. Their support made the event much easier to run. What surprised me most was not just that people came down for soup, but that neighbours and strangers naturally started chatting with one another. It made me realise that sometimes people are open to community, but there just needs to be a simple excuse for everyone to gather. For anyone thinking of doing something similar at their own void deck, here are a few things I learnt: -LifeSG may not list the void deck directly below your block, so going through your town council may be the better route. That was what I did, since I had seen weddings and funerals held at my void deck before. -Be very clear about what your event is. In my case, I stated that it was a free community event with no money exchanged. I’m not sure how commercial events would be handled, so check directly with your town council. -Ask about the exact water and electrical points available. Check whether they are working, what plug type they use, and what the wattage limit is. -If the electrical load allows, bring fans. Singapore is hot and humid, and people will be much more comfortable if there is some airflow. If you do not have enough chairs, floor mats can help too. -Keep the first event small and manageable. It is easier to scale up later than to be overwhelmed on the first try. -I also tried to keep things manageable by capping the numbers, preparing the food properly, keeping the area clean, and making sure we cleared everything after the event. -Also, be mindful of accessibility and foot traffic. Avoid blocking corridors, lift lobbies, ramps, letterboxes, bicycle paths, or common walking routes. People should still be able to move through the void deck comfortably, especially elderly residents, wheelchair users, families with prams, and anyone just passing by. Overall, I’m hoping to host more free community events at my void deck. I also hope this helps others see the void deck as more than just a space for weddings and funerals. It can also be a simple, affordable space for neighbours and strangers to meet. TL;DR: I asked my town council whether I could host a free community food event at my void deck. They said yes. I paid about $89 and hosted a soup event. Here’s the recipe but made for 2 person instead of 50 😂 Creamy Roasted Pumpkin, Carrot & Red Lentil Soup Makes about 1.5 to 2L soup Ingredients 600g pumpkin, peeled and cubed 300g carrot, chopped 1 onion, sliced 3 cloves garlic 20g ginger, sliced 100g red lentils, rinsed 1 tsp cumin powder 1 tsp onion powder 1 tsp garlic powder 1 tsp smoked paprika or sweet paprika Small pinch chilli powder, optional 1.5L water or vegetable stock 250ml coconut milk 1 to 2 tbsp lemon or lime juice Salt and black pepper Oil Steps: Roast vegetables Toss pumpkin, carrot, onion, garlic, and ginger with oil, cumin, paprika, and a little salt. Roast at 200°C for 35 to 45 minutes, until soft and lightly browned. Simmer Transfer roasted vegetables to a pot. Add rinsed red lentils and water/stock. Simmer 25 to 35 minutes, until lentils are fully soft. Blend Blend until smooth. Add more water if too thick. Add coconut milk Stir in coconut milk and warm gently. Don’t boil hard. Final seasoning Add salt, black pepper, and lemon/lime juice. Clear Chicken Soup with Sliced Savoury Crepes Ingredients Broth 400g to 500g chicken bones / wings / carcass / necks 1 small chicken thigh or drumstick, optional but useful for meat 1/2 onion 1 small carrot 1/2 celery stalk 1 clove garlic 1 small bay leaf Tiny pinch dried thyme 3 to 5 black peppercorns 1.2L water Salt, to taste Final soup A little diced carrot A little diced celery Shredded chicken from the thigh/drumstick Fresh herbs, if you have Steps: Roast chicken bones, onion, carrot, celery, and garlic at 200°C for 25 to 35 minutes until browned. Put everything into a pot with 1.2L water, bay leaf, thyme, and peppercorns. Simmer gently for 1 to 1.5 hours. Add the thigh/drumstick for the last 30 minutes, if using. Remove chicken meat, shred it. Strain the broth. Add diced carrot/celery and simmer until tender. Add shredded chicken back in. Season with salt properly. Savoury Crepes Ingredients 50g plain flour 1 egg 100ml milk 25ml water Pinch of salt 1/2 tsp oil or melted butter Steps Whisk everything smooth. Rest 10 minutes if you can. Cook 2 to 3 thin crepes. Cool, roll, and slice into thin ribbons. Put ribbons in bowl, ladle hot soup over. EDIT/UPDATE: Thanks everyone for all the kind comments, messages, offers to help, and even offers to donate or contribute food. I honestly did not expect this to go beyond the subreddit. I mainly posted because I thought it was pretty cool that it was possible to host a small free community food event at a void deck with town council approval. Just adding more details since some people asked. The event was planned for around 50 pax, but I kept it registration-based so that it would be manageable for me and also considerate to the neighbours living around the void deck. In the end, about 40 plus registered participants turned up, which honestly felt like a nice size for a first run. I served two soups: one meat soup and one vegetarian soup. The meat soup was a clear chicken soup with sliced savoury crepes and fresh herbs. I chose chicken soup because it has that warm, homey feeling to it. Like “chicken soup for the soul” kind of thing. It reminds me of being sick and someone cooking something comforting for you, or that feeling of grandma/home cooking. (Do bring your Ah Ma to give me the seal of her approval if she's okay to travel) The sliced savoury crepes were inspired by German-style pancake soups, like Flädlesuppe, where thin savoury pancakes are rolled up, sliced into ribbons, and served in a clear broth. I thought it was a nice way to make the chicken soup a little more special without making it too weird or inaccessible. The vegetarian soup was a creamy roasted pumpkin, carrot and red lentil soup with coconut milk. I wanted it to contrast with the chicken soup. So one was clear, light and more Western/European-style, and the other was thicker, creamier, gently spiced, and maybe a bit more familiar to local palates because of the coconut milk. The cooking itself took close to 20 hours, partly because I had work in the morning and had to work around that. There was roasting bones and vegetables, simmering broth, making the vegetarian soup, preparing the crepes, cooling and storing everything safely, then reheating and finishing the soups on the day itself. It was tiring, but I felt that just because the event was free, it should not mean the food is an afterthought. I also really could not have done it alone. Volunteers, participants, friends and family helped with a lot of the prep and setup: making the savoury pancakes, shredding chicken, cutting vegetables, plucking herbs, moving chairs, arranging the space, serving and cleaning up. The event started with me cooking soup, but by the end it really felt like everyone had a hand in making it happen. The atmosphere was honestly warmer than I expected! At one point, the void deck felt like a shared dining room. Quite a few people also travelled from other parts of Singapore, including the West, to Tampines. I was really grateful for that. What touched me was that many people did not just come to receive something, they came to contribute too. Some things I learnt from the first run: Keep the first one manageable. Registration helps to keep things manageable! Be upfront about allergens and dietary stuff. Inform neighbours and remind people to keep volume down. Check power points and plug types properly. (Type M connectors was one of them) Fans are important. (humidity!!) A void deck could use a bit of effort to make it feel warm. (lights!) Volunteers are extremely helpful. (Thank you to everyone who had offered to help out!) Cleanup matters a lot. Don’t overcomplicate the first session. There are also things I want to improve next time. Because most of the outreach was through Telegram, Reddit and Instagram, the crowd leaned younger, mostly people in their 20s and 30s. I would like to reach older neighbours more intentionally next time, maybe through simple flyers, speaking to residents nearby, and making the invite less dependent on online spaces. I also want to make future sessions more meaningfully halal-friendly. For the first session, the meat soup used halal ingredients, but it was prepared in a non-halal-certified home kitchen, and I made that clear. I’m trying to learn more about how the sertu process works so that Muslim friends and neighbours can feel more included too. For future sessions, I’m thinking of keeping soup as the main theme and maybe “travelling the world through soup”, going country to country or region to region. If people cannot travel to those places, maybe I can bring a small part of those places to the void deck through a bowl of soup. I also usually try to include some kind of charity/fundraising element in my food events. The food itself is free because I can absorb some of the cost, but if people want to give something, I’d rather direct that generosity to charities or social service organisations that need the money more than I do. Anyway, thanks again for the very kind response. I really did not expect this level of attention. I’m still figuring things out as I go, but the first one gave me a lot of hope. A bowl of soup obviously does not solve loneliness or social isolation, but it can create a small moment where people sit together, talk, and remember that community can still happen in very ordinary places. For me, the soup was just a way to create that space. I hope people left with both a full stomach and a small reminder that community can still happen in ordinary places, like the void deck below our homes. Overall, I’m hoping to host more free community events at my void deck. I also hope this helps others see the void deck as more than just a space for weddings and funerals. It can also be a simple, affordable space for neighbours and strangers to meet. submitted by /u/bangsphoto to r/singapore [link] [comments]

When I got into crypto in 2017, the thesis was that this technology would change everything. Government-issued currencies would be replaced by decentralized ones. Blockchains would eliminate the rent-seeking intermediaries that sit between every transaction. Power would shift from corporations to users. Almost none of that happened. But something else did. I've now spent eight years across four crypto companies, watched the asset class grow from sub-$1 billion to over $4 trillion, lived through multiple speculative bubbles and one systemic near-collapse, and what I think is actually getting built turned out to be more interesting than what we initially predicted. Before I start at company number five, I wanted to write down what I've witnessed. And where I think it's going next. False profit (ICO mania 2017-18) In early 2017, I stumbled across an explanation of Bitcoin in a book I was reading, and got hooked from there. Before long, I read every book I could and cooked up a plan to travel to Singapore to write a blog about this new technology I was enamored with. While I didn’t know it at the time, this was towards the tail end of a massive speculative bubble around “ICOs” (initial coin offering). ICOs let anyone crowd fund an idea online, by selling a digital token to investors. Ethereum was the network where this all took place. In November of 2017, I published a layman’s guide to Ethereum that went viral on r/ethereum. This would end up being the peak of the bubble, which popped about one month later. Today, the post reads as more of a time capsule, summing up the optimism of the time, while predicting a future that would not come to pass. What it predicted The main thesis was that blockchain networks like Ethereum could be used to build new kinds of consumer applications. Where the value generated by most consumer apps (Facebook, Uber, etc) went to big corporations and a small number of investors, the value generated by these apps would be shared collectively with their early participants (and ICO investors). The post laid out how Ethereum could be used to build a “decentralized uber.” One where early users and drivers would earn tokens for every ride, granting ownership in the network. This would more equitably reward the early believers who helped bootstrap it. While an admirable goal on paper, this decentralized revolution would fall flat on its face. What actually happened A 2001 dotcom-style speculative bubble. Ethereum proved to be the most effective crowd-funding platform ever created. More than 3,000 ICO projects raised a collective $22 billion from investors around the world. But as in 2001, the underlying technology was too immature to support the use cases that were being given nosebleed valuations. Even worse, ICOs betrayed the incentive structure that typically exists between investors and builders. Builders could raise $10M overnight with nothing more than an idea. All investors got in return were tokens that were supposed to accrue value once the project got built. But builders also kept tokens they could sell from day one and get rich, thus killing any incentive to build something useful. Founders and early investors got stupidly rich on the way up, while less sophisticated investors got burned on the way down. While there were many builders with good intentions, ICOs unfortunately became a haven for greed, grift, and fraud. Same as every speculative bubble going back hundreds of years. Building in the wreckage (Circle 2018-19) Growing poorer by the day, I used my modicum of Reddit fame to get an entry level marketing job at Circle in early 2018. At the time, Circle was a 4 year old company. They had a suite of unprofitable consumer applications (invest, pay, exchange), and an OTC trading desk that quietly printed money and kept the lights on. The industry would spend the next two years wandering through the desert hungover from the ICO mania. Most ICO projects were abandoned. Most tokens trended towards zero. Vibes were atrocious. However, this is when the seeds of crypto’s next revival would be planted. One less focused on consumer applications, more on reinventing finance over the internet. Dollars & DeFi Dollar-backed "stablecoins" were originally built to let traders easily move in and out of crypto positions. They held their value at $1 by being backed 1-to-1 by dollars and treasuries. Tether’s $USDT initially flourished during the ICO mania, with its dollar reserves ballooning in bank accounts held outside the United States. While adoption started with trading, stablecoins proved useful for people who wanted to hold dollars, but couldn’t get access through the banking system. Like people trying to escape capital controls. Wealthy Chinese diversifying out of China. Argentinians and Turks fleeing inflation. In 2018, Circle built and launched a regulated US version in collaboration with Coinbase: $USDC. Early activity was dominated by trading, but it was theorized that these new internet dollars could bring dollar access to anyone with an internet connection, 24/7. Meanwhile, the enduring projects from the ICO era were mostly financial. Just as Ethereum proved useful for fundraising, it could be used to rebuild other building blocks of financial markets. Protocols for trading (Uniswap), lending and borrowing (Aave & Compound) came to be known as decentralized finance, or DeFi. Stablecoins and DeFi would merge. And oddly enough, be launched into the stratosphere by a once-in-a-hundred-year pandemic. Return of the internet Wild West (Messari 2019-2021) In the tail end of 2019, I joined a 13 person data and research start-up called Messari as their first full time marketing hire. The company had a team of 4 analysts producing bleeding edge research on DeFi, which had grown to $665 million in value. Then in early 2020, a strange virus came out of China threatening to shut down the global economy. All markets tanked. In response, central banks pumped trillions into the global economy to keep it from collapsing. $9 trillion by the end of 2020 alone. All of this money needed a place to go, and with everyone stuck at home, much of it found its way into Bitcoin, Ethereum, DeFi, and all kinds of speculative investments. Bitcoin would rally from under $4,000 to nearly $70,000, hitting a trillion dollar market cap on the backs of institutional investors, outperforming macro assets like gold. These conditions also led to what's remembered as DeFi summer, where value in DeFi protocols ran up 250x to $180 billion. DeFi was supposed to rebuild traditional finance. DeFi summer looked more like a massive online game played by mercenary traders with billions of real (internet) dollars on the line. The name of the game: yield farming. Anonymous developers would launch new protocols, mostly themed around food for some reason. YAM Finance. Spaghetti Money. SushiSwap. Traders would deposit existing tokens (ETH, USDC, USDT) and earn newly minted ones. $YAM, $SPAGHETTI, $SUSHI. It was both ridiculous and astounding to watch. Protocols would launch, and newly created food tokens would hit $1B market caps in a matter of days. Then early entrants would dump their positions, sending the tokens crashing down. It was the true internet wild west. Like the ICO mania before it, DeFi summer minted millionaires before eventually collapsing under its own weight. It also minted one billionaire by the name of Sam Bankman Fried, who would be at the center of crypto’s next calamity. At the top (Coinbase 2021) Shortly after Coinbase's $100B IPO in April 2021, I got recruited to join their Corporate Development and Venture team. My job was to sit with the people buying companies and investing in early stage crypto startups, and write about industry themes and produce the short lived Coinbase podcast. This was also the time when a second speculative bubble around digital pieces of art called NFTs was forming. Where DeFi was the domain of sophisticated traders, NFTs appealed more to everyday people. It provided a new way for artists to monetize their work online, and showed promise for creating a new standard around property rights online. But like ICOs and DeFi summer, NFT speculation quickly got out of hand. Digital pictures of cartoon monkeys, “punks”, and penguins started selling for $1M a piece. A collage of images by an artist named Beeple sold at Christies for an absurd $69 million. Crypto was everywhere. Larry David mocked crypto skeptics in a Super Bowl commercial. Sam Bankman-Fried’s exchange, FTX, bought the naming rights to the Miami Heat stadium for $135 million. Everyone was getting rich on tokens, NFTs, and equities. It was the insanity of 2017, juiced by record levels of money printing, that created a bubble nearly 4x the size. The reckoning (2022) But soon, the wheels would fall off. The rate cuts, money printing, and stimulus that sent all asset prices soaring eventually seeped into the price of consumer goods. $BTC, $ETH, the NASDAQ, and the S&P all peaked at the tail end of 2021, the moment it became clear inflation wasn't under control and central banks would have to unwind the same policies that propelled stocks and crypto to historic highs in the first place. Amidst rising rates and fiscal tightening, everyone looked at the highly priced assets they were holding and had second thoughts. Maybe monkey pictures weren't worth a million dollars. Maybe sushi tokens shouldn't be worth $3 billion. Maybe dog money wasn't worth $90 billion. From there, things started to break. If the ICO boom most closely mirrored 2001's dotcom bust, what followed looked more like the 2008 Great Financial Crisis. A few toxic assets and a lot of leverage nearly took down everything they touched. The first toxic asset was Terra's $UST stablecoin. Where leading stablecoins like $USDC and $USDT are simply backed by cash and treasuries, $UST relied on a complicated algorithmic mechanism to maintain its peg. The mechanism worked when times were good, but exploded when the market started selling off. $32 billion vanished in days. And the people who thought they owned it woke up holding nothing. Next, a $10 billion hedge fund called Three Arrows Capital, exposed to Terra and overleveraged across the industry, blew up. They borrowed heavily from crypto lenders Celsius and Voyager. These firms were lending out customer crypto deposits to chase "safe" 8% yields. When Three Arrows blew up, lenders froze withdrawals and filed for bankruptcy, taking retail deposits with them. At Coinbase, we watched FTX and Sam Bankman-Fried swoop in to bail out other failed crypto lenders like BlockFi. He was celebrated as “crypto’s JP Morgan.” The industry’s white knight. But it turned out, SBF and FTX were the most exposed of all. Remember when I said FTX bought the Miami Heat stadium naming rights? That purchase, and the entire SBF empire were propped up by a token FTX printed out of thin air: $FTT. SBF had taken out massive loans using $FTT as collateral. When the price of $FTT collapsed, those loans got called back, and FTX was bankrupt. Worst of all, FTX had been using customer deposits to make investments and plug various holes. The company, once valued at $32 billion, collapsed in a week, with $8 billion in customer deposits gone. SBF had violated the cardinal rule of running an exchange. Don't touch the customer's money. It was crypto’s Lehman moment. Campaigns and casinos (2023-25) In the wake of the FTX collapse, SBF went to jail as the crypto market fell from $3 trillion to under $1 trillion in 12 months. Next, the Biden administration moved to kill the industry in the US. Gary Gensler's SEC sued most of the legitimate companies in the country for securities violations. Coinbase, Kraken, Uniswap, and Robinhood all received enforcement notices. The companies that had spent years trying to operate legally were now the SEC's primary targets. Meanwhile, Elizabeth Warren quietly pressured banks to drop their crypto clients, choking them off from the banking system and chasing teams offshore. This approach had a few unintended consequences. First, launching anything in crypto with a business model (e.g. DeFi) was deemed a security and could get you sued. So the most legally safe thing to launch became a “memecoin,” or a token with no stated purpose. Millions were launched on a platform called Pump.fun. Iggy Azalea, Caitlyn Jenner, and the Hawk Tuah girl all launched their own memecoins. All disasters. Crypto had another casino, this one bigger than the last. Over 6 million memecoins launched. The sector peaked at $150 billion in late 2024, surpassing even the NFT bubble in dollar terms. Second, the industry mobilized politically for the first time. The biggest companies poured tens of millions into pro-crypto PACs and got organized in Washington. Third, Donald Trump saw an opening. By promising to fire Gensler, end the banking hostility, and make the US the "crypto capital of the world," he turned the newly mobilized industry into a campaign asset. Many credit the crypto vote with helping him win. Then, three days before his inauguration, Trump launched a memecoin: $TRUMP. And so did his wife: $MELANIA. It remains the dumbest thing I've seen in eight years. Ironically, $TRUMP marked the end of the memecoin bubble, as it sucked the oxygen out of everything else, preceding a collapse of the memecoin market. Going corporate (Crossmint 2025-26) That embarrassment aside, the industry’s gamble on Trump still paid off. Bitcoin hit new highs when it became clear Trump would win. Markets priced in the world's biggest economy flipping from hostile to friendly. Gensler resigned. The new SEC dropped its cases against US crypto companies. Banks could touch crypto again. And most importantly, the GENIUS Act passed in July 2025: the first major US federal crypto legislation, establishing clear rules for stablecoins. The message from Washington to institutions was clear: crypto, and particularly stablecoins, were about to be big business. Stablecoin companies like Bridge and BVNK got scooped up by Stripe and Mastercard at $1B+ valuations. Rain raised a ~$2B Series C. Circle, my alma mater and the company behind $USDC, IPO’d and hit a peak valuation of $60 billion in June 2025. By this time, I was the head of marketing at Crossmint, and we inked a deal with MoneyGram to help the 100-year-old remittance giant move money cross-border using stablecoins. As the benefits of "tokenizing" the dollar became clear, Wall Street got serious about tokenizing other assets. Even Larry Fink, who had once dismissed Bitcoin as an "index for money laundering," changed his tune. The CEO of $14 trillion BlackRock now called tokenization "the next generation for markets," predicting every stock, bond, and asset class would eventually live on a blockchain. The revolution we got (present day) 8 years after my initial reddit post, we still don’t have decentralized Uber. Blockchains didn’t eliminate all intermediaries, and fully decentralized currencies didn’t replace government issued money. But I think in time, the period covered above will be remembered as the early chaotic days of a new internet-based financial system. Every boom and bust hardened infrastructure that can rewire global finance and bring it to anyone with an internet connection. ICOs proved companies can raise funding from anyone in the world. DeFi proved trading, lending, and borrowing can run purely on code. NFTs built a foundation for internet-based property rights. Even memecoins, the dumbest of the cycles, proved these rails could handle massive global volume. Swap in equities, bonds, and non-fungible assets like real estate, sprinkle in some regulatory clarity, and watch the rest of finance follow. Critics can still try and handwave all of this away, but the stablecoin data is the most irrefutable of all. The current stablecoin supply of $300B+ settled $33 trillion in volume in 2025. This year, they've already settled over $40 trillion and are on pace to hit $100 trillion. Skeptics will point out that much of that is crypto trading and bot activity. Fair enough. But the scale is there, and the US government is telling you where the puck is going. A tricky but important point to understand: stablecoins are backed by US treasuries, which is the debt the US government sells to finance itself. So every stablecoin issued creates new demand for US debt, at a time when the US government needs it the most. For these reasons, the Treasury Secretary has already named stablecoin growth as a US strategic priority. Not the cypherpunk dream. But upgrading the dollar for the internet age, and bringing financial services to anyone with a smartphone, is still a hell of a thing to build. What comes next AI is transforming everything under the sun, and crypto is no different. The marriage of crypto and AI is already underway, and millions of AI agents will soon transact in the real world. They’ll use stablecoin-backed cards to interact with every merchant in 200+ countries. And they’ll use crypto wallets and stablecoins to transact directly with one another. Agents that do our shopping, handle our finances, and transact on behalf of entire corporations feels like a safe bet. Further out, we’ll see purely agentic businesses that operate without humans in the loop. Think of a hedge fund that reads every filing, builds its own models, and trades on them, with no analyst or PM in sight. As this sci-fi future gets built, crypto will go fully mainstream by fusing with the old system rather than replacing it. The backends will be crypto. The frontends will look exactly like what people already use. Most won't even know. Institutions will swap out decades-old infrastructure. Startups will launch global financial products with unprecedented speed and reach. The net result is a financial system that runs 24/7 and works the same for someone in Nigeria as it does in New York. From there, the next million innovations follow. We'll see if these predictions look as bad in eight years as my initial post does today. Either way, I start my fifth job in crypto next week. Edit: I realized I missed pasting in a few paragraphs from "the reckoning" section, on the collapse of Terra's UST stablecoin. Thankfully the piece worked without it, but this was the first toxic asset and domino to fall that ultimately led to the collapse of FTX. Full post now includes it. Thanks to everyone who read this and provided feedback and follow-up. Even some old friends at the SEC :) Took a ton of time to write, so it's rewarding that so many found it useful. I hope that it continues to serve as a historical record of a unique and wild time in the rise of the financial internet. Will be interesting to look back in another 8 years to see if the predictions made on the merger of crypto and AI are anywhere near the mark. You can find a link to my Substack in my profile, where I'll continue to provide insights from my vantage point inside the industry, while dropping in reddit from time to time. Thank you all for reading! submitted by /u/CryptigoVespucci to r/CryptoCurrency [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/bfbaldthrow My (23F) boyfriend (25M) and his family are angry because I wouldn't shave my head for his sister who has cancer. BoRU 1 Posted by u/wynonajim Editors Note: the previous BoRU didnt have the final deleted update **TRIGGER WARNING: cancer entitlement Original Post July 7, 2015 Hi Relationships, I'll try to keep this short and blunt. Please don't judge before you've read the entire thing, I promise I'm not as awful as I sound in the title. I've been with Matthew for 3 years now, and we have a perfect relationship. I know everyone says that, but it really is true. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I've only met his family a few times because they live pretty far away and my boyfriend had a huge falling out with his father a couple of years ago. They've since patched things up, but it's still not the same as it was. Matthew is not particularly close to his sister because she's 12 years younger than him and he doesn't see her that often. Of course he still loves and adores her, but they're not a very close family. Jessica has cancer and as a result has lost all of her hair. Matthew was devastated, obviously, and has been going to visit her more often. I have only seen her a few times since, because of work commitments. I have been down twice alone (without Matthew) to visit her in hospital. She’s a lovely young girl and I’m devastated for her and their family. Jessica is home at the moment and Matthew's mum called last Friday and asked if we could go over there. Upon arrival Matthew's mum whipped out a pair of scissors and shavers and said that the whole family was shaving their heads for Jessica. My job is modelling. I have very thick, natural auburn hair that reaches my waist. It's one of the reasons that I'm fairly successful. It's one of the reasons I can afford to pay the bills. I couldn’t model without my hair. So I respectfully and politely declined, telling them that it would be detrimental to my career. I don’t have two jobs, I don’t have a back-up, this is my job. It’s my money maker. If I couldn’t model, I don’t know what I would do. Matthew immediately got angry, insisting that this is more important, and while I agree that sentimentally and emotionally this is far more important, I cannot afford to lose my hair. I have to think logically about this otherwise I won’t have a roof over my head. Matthew’s mum was very upset, and proceeded to tell Jessica that I wouldn’t shave my hair because I am vain. I apologised to Jessica and explained my reasoning, and I went home. I have barely spoken to Matthew since it happened as he says he ‘needs space to consider if he wants to be in this relationship.’ I told him that I would do anything other than shave my head. I'll do a charity run, I'll raise tons of money, whatever I can possibly do, instead of shaving my head, but he won't listen. All he says is 'how can you put your looks and vanity over my cancer ridden sister'. Did I do the wrong thing? tl;dr my career is modelling and part of my success is due to my hair. My boyfriends younger sister has cancer so the family shaved their heads in support of her. I declined, and now everyone hates me. edit: a few people have asked so I'll copy+paste this from one of my replies: Matthew told me that Jessica is very upset and has told all of their family repeatedly that she hates me for having long hair and refusing to shave it for her. She's only 13 years old though, I have a feeling that the family are perhaps poisoning her view and of course she's going to be having a difficult time as it is. I can't hold any grudges against a young girl being in such an awful situation. Edit 2: I'm completely overwhelmed by the support here, so thank you a lot. I have read every comment and most of them are very helpful and make me feel a lot better. I am going to give it another few days and then I am going to speak with Matthew and his mum and Jessica. I'll be sure to post an update soon. Thank you again. Edit 3: gosh I hate threads with a ton of updates when there's no real update but I feel the need to defend Matthew's family a little. They're not crazy people. They've always been absolutely lovely and kind and welcoming towards me. They were a normal, happy family before this happened. Their youngest member of the family, the innocent, sweet, vulnerable girl is dying and there's nothing they can do about it other than try to make her happy. Of course their view is clouded, of course they're not being rational. Matthew's mum has quit her job to spend more time with Jessica, they've spent every penny they have on gifts for her. I don't think they're crazy or bad people. They're in a world of hell and the only thing that makes it better is putting a smile on Jessica's face and me shaving my head would have done that. If they don't come to terms with it and start thinking clearly soon, then I will agree with everyone and I will call them crazy and run for the hills, but at the moment, I'm trying to be as supportive as I can to my boyfriend and his family whose hearts are all broken. Put yourselves in their shoes. Update 1 July 14, 2015 (1 week later) Editors Note: update 1 was preserved in the original BoRU Update: Sorry it’s taken a while for me to update, I've been really busy and didn't want to post until it was resolved. I got so many helpful and positive comments on my last post, so thank you so much for that. I kept a lot of the comments in mind when I spoke to Matthew and his family. Matthew contacted me saying that he had seen my reddit thread, I'm not sure how. He said that he was really sorry and that a lot of the commenters were right. He said that his view was clouded and he wasn't thinking properly. We spoke for hours and I forgave him. I told him that I accepted his apology and that in the future, if there’s a crisis, he has to try to be calmer and more reasonable. He agreed, and he’s also agreed that him and his mum need some kind of counselling because they’re obviously really struggling. So that was out of the way. We are still taking it slow. He wanted to speak to his family on behalf of me but I requested that it was me that spoke to them, so I went over there and spoke to his mum and his auntie whilst Jessica wasn’t home. I wore my hair plaited under a hat out of respect (thank you to the redditer who suggested that). As soon as I arrived, his mum (Kat) told me that she didn't want to argue, and that she didn't feel she needed to hear my explanation. She said in almost these words: ‘This isn't something that I can be rational about, I hope you can understand that. My world revolves around that girl and I just want to make her happy. I’m sorry I expected too much from you, but I just want to let this go now. You’re obviously a wonderful girlfriend to Matthew and I hope that you can be a part of our family, but until Jessica is better I’d prefer it if you could not be around her. I'm sorry if that’s rude but she’s really self-conscious about her appearance and she hates being around such a young, healthy, beautiful girl with a full head of hair.’ I still wanted to explain my side of the story but she kinda cut me off a bit and pretty much said ‘yeah I'm being ridiculous and I don’t want to listen to reason because all I care about is seeing a smile on Jessica’s face’, so I just apologised for upsetting Jessica, accepted Kat’s apology and left. It wasn't really the discussion I’d hoped to have but it was better than nothing. I also spoke to my agency about the situation and asked how they would feel about me cutting my hair. I knew they'd say no, but I wanted to ask anyway. They did say no, but said that they would like to help in some way. I pulled a few strings, and managed to arrange a photoshoot for myself, Jessica and my niece (actually a friend’s daughter but she calls me auntie). Matthew has told me before that Jessica is struggling to maintain friendships because she’s constantly in and out of the hospital, and most of her friends are a bit wary of being around now. My ‘niece’ is only a year younger than her and I think they'd get along so I thought it would be really nice and helpful for Jessica. I bought her a wig (similar looking to my own hair), and I went shopping and bought her a ton of makeup too. Emptied the bank a little bit but it’s better than shaving my head and not working for 5 years! I called Kat again and asked if it was okay for me to come round. She declined at first but Matthew spoke to her and she eventually agreed. I arrived wearing a bald cap (a few shades darker than my own skin) and Jessica found it hilarious. I spoke to her and told her that I was really upset that she had told Matthew that she hated me. She said sorry and told me that she was just jealous and upset. I told her about the photoshoot and she was incredibly excited, gave me a hug and wouldn't stop thanking me. We're going to have a makeover first and then we're going to have several pictures with Jessica wearing a wig, and several of us being bald because I want her to feel beautiful either way. It might be possible for me to share these photos with reddit but I have a feeling they would go viral and I do not want my boyfriend or his family to be identified, particularly as a lot of people seem to think they're crazy and awful people. There are a lot of trolls online and I don't think the family could handle any kind of backlash. So I think it's kinda resolved for now. Jessica is happy, Matthew is happier, and Kat is at least accepting of the situation. I could have broken up with Matthew and walked away from this situation, and where would that gotten me? Jessica would still be upset, Kat would still be angry, and I wouldn't have my supportive, beautiful and amazing boyfriend in my life. I wouldn't stand for this again, but in the 3 amazing years of us being together, this is the only time he has faulted, and it was for an understandable reason. Also, people kept saying ‘this is how Matthew and his family deal with tragedy! he’ll do this again!’ But I don’t think these people understand that this is not just a tragedy. There is not much that can compare to losing a young sweet daughter/sister to cancer. I’ve been with Matthew for 3 years, and in that 3 years we have dealt with tragedies (his good friend committed suicide) and stressful situations (he almost lost his job) and he has never acted like this before because this is MORE than a tragedy. This is heartbreak and hell. I want to finish with two quotes that I read on reddit recently: ‘Years of love have been forgot, In the hatred of a minute.’ and ‘“We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behaviour.” tldr; matthew apologised and we are okay, matthew's mother is kinda okay with me, myself, jessica and my niece are doing a photoshoot together. edit: I am absolutely blown away by the amount of support! thank you so so so much to everybody that has made a kind comment, also everybody who has shared their own stories. I've been crying off and on all day! Happy tears mostly :) also there were a couple of slightly rude comments because I said that I didn't know how Matthew found my post. He doesn't reddit, he barely even spends any time on his PC at all (and never mine). Not many people know about the in's and out's of the situation and I changed some small details to attempt to make it a bit less obvious (I'm terrified of being identified!) So yeah it was kind of surprising that he found the thread. I haven't had a chance to ask him yet but I guess a friend must have sent it to him? Either way, it's not that important to me. thanks again everybody, and let's pray that I can make another update soon saying Jessica has miraculously recovered! :) FINAL UPDATE Update 2 Aug 4, 2015 Original link Thank you again for all the comments I got in my previous posts, they were all so helpful and kind. Myself and Matthew are completely back on track, he's been to therapy and is coping a lot better than he was before. Kat (his mum) is also going to group therapy and she seems to be a lot better. The photoshoot was a little difficult, Jessica wasn't all that compliant. She didn't seem to like my niece, who was nothing but friendly, and it took her some convincing to actually take some photos without the wig. She didn't want many pictures of us together, mostly just of herself. We didn't get the photos on the day, and Jess sent quite a rude text asking when I was going to get them to her. I took the photos to her about a week later and Kat asked if we could sit down and talk. She told me that she really appreciated what I'd done for Jess, but that Jess had been acting weirdly since. Apparently Jess had been trying to speak and dress like me, and was refusing to take the wig off, which was giving her a pretty bad rash on her scalp. Kat seemed quite annoyed that I'd gotten a wig similar to my own hair (that was a mistake on my part) but she kept hinting that it was a cheap wig or that it was made of synthetic hair which kind of offended me. Anyway I brushed it off and spoke to Jess. I told her that she didn't need to wear her wig all the time, that she was didn't need hair or make-up to be beautiful etc. but she got kind of rude and kept saying things like 'that's so easy for you to say' and 'you can lecture me when you have cancer'. I ended up getting a little snippy with her, which I regret, and I told her that I didn't like her attitude, now or during the photoshoot. She ended up crying and Kat asked me to leave, she wasn't rude but I could tell that she was upset with me. When I got home, Matthew reassured me that I hadn't been out of order or unfair. A few days later his mum called and told us that Jess had thrown away the bald photos. I was really upset, so Matthew spoke to Jess and told her that she was being very unappreciative and rude. I received a text from Jess a few hours later with what seemed like a sincere apology, to myself and to my niece. Then a few days later, I received another text from her asking if she could have another photoshoot. I called her and told her that I couldn't, as they wouldn't offer the same discount and I couldn't afford to pay for the whole thing myself, and she put the phone down on me. Then Kat called me and asked me (politely, but unfairly I feel) to no longer speak to Jess as it just keeps causing more trouble. So I haven't spoken to Jess or Kat since. Me and Matthew seem to be okay but I'm worried that this may cause resentment between us later on in life, particularly if Jess gets any more unwell. I'm just taking everything as it comes and trying to stay out of it for now. I care a lot about Jess but I also don't want to be taken advantage of, spoken to rudely, or blamed for problems that I couldn't help. I've tried my best with the whole family, but I can't seem to do much right, so I think it's for the best if I do distance myself from them. Sorry this wasn't a happier update! If anyone does have any suggestions for how I can avoid resentment between myself and Matthew in the future, or how I can try to fix the distance between myself and his family, I would be really thankful. I don't think there is anything more I can do, but there were a lot of really creative and helpful ideas in my last 2 posts so it's worth asking :) Thank you again everybody. tl;dr photoshoot was a struggle because Jess was quite rude, didn't want to take any bald pictures or pictures with my niece. She's since started trying to dress, speak and act like me, and has thrown away the bald pictures that we took. Kat asked me not to talk to Jess anymore. I'm doing as she's asked because I don't know what else to do. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

have heard so many people talk about making money online doing "nothing." Faceless youTube channels, AI generated content, passive income while you sleep, the whole thing. I always scrolled past it. Felt like the same energy as those "I made $47,000 last month dropshipping" guys from 2017. But then I got desperate enough to actually try something.I was between projects, bills were doing their thing, and I had more free time than money. So I just started messing around. No grand plan, genuinely no idea what I was doing. Started a faceless youtube channel. Nothing fancy. The workflow I landed on is probably not even that optimized but it works for me so I'm sticking with it for now. Claude for scripting is honestly where most of the work happens. I dump a rough idea, some bullet points, occasionally a voice note transcript and it comes back with something that actually sounds like a person wrote it rather than a robot trying to sound like a person. I've tried other things for this and kept coming back. Nothing revolutionary, just consistent. ElevenLabs for voiceover because I cannot stand the sound of my own voice and frankly neither should anyone else. Magic Hour for the actual video generation which I found randomly and just never switched away from. CapCut to clean everything up at the end. That's literally it. Nothing sophisticated. Probably doing half of it wrong. I just checked my YouTube studio this morning and I'm close to hitting monetisation. Closer than I expected honestly. I'm not saying it's a goldmine, I don't even know if it'll amount to anything real yet. But something is moving and that feels like more than I had before. I'm mostly posting this because I spent weeks looking for someone to just honestly share what they were doing without it turning into a sales pitch for their $499 course. Probably not useful to most people but if anyone is doing something similar I'd genuinely love to compare notes. submitted by /u/Personal_Brilliant39 to r/ClaudeAI [link] [comments]

I am NOT OP. Original post from r/AskCulinary by u/ronearc. [Rare Ingredient] My daughter really wants to forage for dragonflies for me to cook. Can anyone point me to a resource for how to humanely kill dragonflies so I can batter and fry them? Content Warnings: killing and eating of insects, discussion of parasites Original Post 22 July 2022 First, I'm not kidding. I've searched extensively and the closest I've found to an answer was a possible suggestion to "freeze them." If I go that route, do I put them in a Ziploc and freeze them? A jar? A Tupperware? They're a bit small, so I think it would be tough to plunge a knife between their eyes as I might a lobster. I'm sorry. I know y'all don't normally do ingredient questions, but I know you've made exceptions in the past for either large quantities or rare ingredients. If anyone can point me towards a resource or a community I could ask, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you. RELEVANT COMMENTS [deleted comment, presumably asking why the daughter wants to specifically eat dragonflies] OOP: A few years back we picked up some cricket flour from a vendor in our local Farmer's Market as a way to try a novelty, add some protein to our diets, and teach our daughter about sustainable living. That planted the nugget of an idea that insects are sometimes edible. So she starts looking into what insects around here (PNW) are edible...dragonflies are on that list. Now, separate from this, she's obsessed with cats and with being a 'hunter' because she's read way too much of the Warriors series. I mean, she's 8, what do you want? But she figured out, with much trial and tribulation, that she can actually catch Dragonflies. It took some practice. Those suckers are hard to catch. But she can get 4-6 per trip to the pond, if the weather supports it. So now that she's improved her hunting skills, she wants to eat a dragonfly, and if I'm cooking something, I'm doing my damndest to make it tasty. —— alyxmj: This is a fascinating question. I did run across this article on humanely killing bugs that was interesting. While he is doing it for different reasons, if you read the section on freezing he is pretty thorough and cites several other sources. Reading this and other literature on humanely killing insects, I think freezing probably is the preferred method and seems to be what is commonly used in insect farming as well as insect collecting. Some sources seem to prefer a 4 hr refrigerator time first to put them into a hibernation mode before freezing for 24 hours, though others think it doesn't matter. There is some debate on whether they feel pain by freezing, but most seem to think that it isn't pain but a sort of instinct to make them seek warmer areas that comes across to us as pain or agitation. The 4 hour cool down before freezing would thus mimic a natural cool down you might find in nature, causing less distress. I would take into consideration the thermal capacity of whatever method you use. Throwing a ziploc into a freezer will reach freezing temperatures faster than throwing a thick glass jar, in that case I might put the ziploc into the fridge first but the glass could go into the freezer allowing more time for the dragon flies to transition smoothly. Besides the thermal consideration, I would just use a container that gives them space. A ziploc would collapse on itself, both at room temp and contracting more as it freezes unless you blow it up with a straw or something. A solid sided container might be easier overall. I definitely have not had to do this before myself, just got interested in the question and chose to read into it. I do hope you find an answer and that the dragonflies turn out delicious. STFUNeckbeard: I am not disagreeing with the method described in the article, but from an ethical standpoint is refrigeration and freezing for 24+ hours really any more humane than submerging them in boiling water for like 3 seconds? I don’t think we can’t try to understand a dragonfly’s brain, but it truly seems less humane to draw it out. alyxmj: I don't know. They do naturally slow and hibernate in the cold, so while you are drawing it out you are doing it in a way that they are naturally adapted to. Most insects go through a similar process in a 24 hour cycle as night time approaches. By the time they get to the point where the cold would be painful, they are already in a comatose like state. 3 seconds in boiling water is faster, but it is some quick pain vs no pain from a natural process. I did find some information on heating, specifically with specimen collecting. They need to be heated to above 135F to kill in most cases and this is often done by leaving the jar on the dashboard of a car in direct sunlight, likely not very humane at all. The note in this case is that they become overactive and damage themselves which is not wanted when pinning them to a board afterwards. In a cooking method, I am not sure that boiling would be the best option. It is a fairly rigorous process, even if quick, and you are likely to damage the insect, not to mention the extra damage from plunging in an ice bath afterwards. You would also be double cooking the insect and being so small I am not sure how that would affect taste or texture. —- [comment removed by moderator] OOP: I mean, being honest here, I've eaten some pretty weird stuff in my life. I can't say that wading around barefoot in the Gulf of Mexico, feeling oysters between your toes and scooping them out of the mud just to cut 'em open and slurp 'em down with a Tabasco chaser isn't any more normal or reasonable than lightly battered and fried dragonflies. This isn't that much more strange than packing up my headlamp, waders, and a net to go gigging for frog legs. We just eat some weird stuff. I've had grasshoppers fried in molasses in South Texas, and you know what? They were damn tasty. So yeah, I'll try some lightly-battered, deep-fried dragonflies. Supposedly, they're similar to soft-shelled crab. —- dhbroo12: Dragonflies are endangered due to loss of wetlands. I recommend not killing them for human consumption, but leave them for their natural predator. Please don't add to possible extinction. OOP: I know some rare species are endangered, but from what I could find common whitetail skimmers should be fine, and that's all we've found in the ponds in our area. —- -Doc-: I read somewhere that it's not a good idea to eat wild caught insects because they carry all kinds of nasty parasites and pathogens. Works in a survival situation, but can be risky. Proceed with caution OP. OOP: [downvoted] Supposedly frying them for about 30 seconds a side sorts that out. awkwardly_normal: “Supposedly” is a lot to risk your well being on Many other comments debate about the most humane way of euthanizing insects, and whether or not wild-caught insects are viable food sources due to concerns over parasites and pathogens UPDATE: [Update] [Rare Ingredient] My daughter really wants to forage for dragonflies for me to cook. Can anyone point me to a resource for how to humanely kill dragonflies so I can batter and fry them? 05 August 2022 Dragonflies went into the fridge in a container with air holes (one dragonfly per container). They sat in the fridge for 4 hours until they were essentially dormant, and then they went in the freezer overnight. I took them straight from the freezer and prepped/cooked them. I did a flour, egg, seasoned flour breading. And I fried them at 325F for a minute on each side, and then I held them at 225F for about 15 minutes while I finished other stuff. They are, in fact, like soft-shelled crab. Pretty darned tasty. They look fun too. (Image Description: A plate of four dragonflies covered in crispy fried batter; most of their wings are at least partially exposed due to the batter coming off) (Uploader’s Note: ImgBB reupload for those who can’t see imgur) RELEVANT COMMENTS BlackPepperBanana: How did you get them? I didn’t read all the comments on the original post but didn’t someone mention potential dangers with wild dragonflies? Obviously cooking them does a lot to kill bacteria and such but just wondering. Also, as far as the eating of them goes, what were the wings like? OOP: We took some precautions. My daughter was the dragonfly wrangler, since this was her plan. She caught all of the dragonflies by hand (not easy, but she got good at it). There were no casualties or injuries from the capturing process (either for her or the dragonflies). When she caught them, we had to compare them to known species to make sure we didn't have any that were endangered. We were also in an area where no endangered dragonflies had been spotted according to reliable sources. Last, we caught them from an area within a regional park where there are no dangerous chemicals in use, and far enough from any potentially dangerous run-off so as to not be concerned. With a single bite, they just disintegrated in your mouth, becoming a humogenous texture like fry batter. But they still carried another flavor and a bit more texture than just fry batter. —- paceminterris: [downvoted] I'm not a fan of your approach. The dragonflies are so overbreaded that you can barely see their original shape. That much egg and flour would also serve to overwhelm the taste of the insect itself. OOP: If I do it again, I'll probably just dip them in cornstarch and shallow fry them. -Doc-: Might I recommend a tempura batter? It's what I use for squash blossoms. OOP: That is a great idea. —- [comment deleted by user, presumably asking OOP what foods they wouldn’t eat] OOP: I have some hard limits. No balut. No durian inside. No sauerkraut in any form. And lately, no octopuses. Those little suckers are just too darn clever. (deleted user): I understand the others, but no sauerkraut? How you eat Reuben my man? OOP: Sauerkraut. My Dad was born at the beginning of the Great Depression. He grew up the son of a sharecropper on a cotton farm in West Texas. They were extremely poor. During the lean winter months my Grandfather worked as a sanitation worker, so he could pick up trash around town. Restaurants would throw out rotting cabbage and the like. My Dad's family would peel off the outer leaves, boil the shit out of the rest and eat it. So my Dad raised me to HATE Sauerkraut or even the concept of fermenting cabbage. So I do. But, it gets worse. When I was in the Navy, I had to work in the galley (kitchen) for 7 days during Boot Camp. During that time, this petty officer, a short woman, comes to me and says, "You, you're tall. I need your help." So I follow her. I'm thinking she wants me to get something off of a high shelf. But no. There was a 40 gallon vat of Sauerkraut that had been congealing since lunch the day before. Someone had forgotten to put the little screen on the drain in the very bottom. So the drain was plugged. I had to crawl into the Vat, head first, hold my breath and submerge myself in the vat of cold, greasy, congealed Sauerkraut until I could unplug the drain and cap it with the screen. But each time I emptied it, it just filled up again. So I had to keep digging and trying until, after about 20 minutes of trying (coming up for air every 30 seconds or so). I finally got the drain screen on. Needless to say, I don't even want to be in the same room with Sauerkraut. If I see it on an online menu, I may not even go to that restaurant. There are no words to sufficiently express my disgust with Sauerkraut. (Editor's Note: next two are part of same comment thread, shortened for mobile readability) Cephalopotter: My God. I almost skipped the comment section on this thread, and I am so very glad I kept reading. Why the fuck didn't they just bail it out? Surely if you could fit a human torso in there they could have fit a bucket? But I guess 'boot camp' is all the explanation needed. OOP: Ah, you see, there was a procedure. You can't tip the vat until the weight is below a certain amount from liquid having drained out the bottom, because it goes to a special place for compost. But they didn't plan on the drain screen having gone missing. When they realized it was sitting on the shelf behind the vat, instead of in it, they were off-procedure. So they made up their own dumb-ass way of doing it, and I wasn't given an option in how I would participate. But you know what? Knowing then what I know now? I'd tell that lady to take a flying suck at a rolling donut. There's no damn way I'm crawling in there. (deleted): I would read a book about your life. Not even an audio book. In 2022 I would sit down with a real book and read your life story. OOP: You know, I've probably done enough weird-ass things to fill a book. I once saw me a mass tarantula migration in West Texas. With a start like that, wouldn't you want to know what comes next? JerkRussell: Omg yes. What comes next?! You can’t leave us hanging. I’m settling down for a way upgraded Itsy Bitsy Spider story. OOP: The car slowed down, and I looked up from my perch to spot the brake lights before us. My perch was the armrests of the tan leather bench seats in the top of the line Oldsmobile my dad drove. Situated right there between my parents, I could see the world coming up the road ahead of us. This was 1979, and no one in West Texas gave a damn for seatbelts, car seats, or typically any form of safety unrelated to firearms safety, which was their bible. So there I sat, and there I saw. First, just the brake lights and a curious side to side glance when nothing in the road seemed amiss. I'm still not sure when the moment took hold in my mind and solidified into cogent thought, but I remember the thought, "The desert is moving." It was a thick mustardish brown shag carpet which would forever ruin for me shag carpet. But instead of woven fibers, it was an army of legs and bulbous abdomens, a sort of hairy ochre color. They stretched as far to either side of the road as could be seen with my admittedly crap-tastic vision. The Superman logo on my thick-ass glasses was the only way they could convince me to wear them. Well, and Bob Griese I guess. But we sat that for what had to have been 15 minutes, but since I was 7 let's charitably say it was 5 minutes, until all of them had passed going from our left to our right on the southbound lane of Highway 84, going from Post to Snyder. So that means the Tarantulas were heading south. I've recreationally driven over a million miles in 49 States (still not Alaska yet), and that's still one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. —- ww_crimson: I never would have done this but good on you for exploring your daughters curiosity. kroganwarlord: Yeah, good on OP! I can tell you right now my dad does not love me to a 'I will cook and eat dragonflies' level. —- hobnobbinbobthegob: As someone who lives in mosquito country, you are literally Hitler. But seriously, fascinating work, OP. soulwrangler: To the skeeters, she's Schindler. Reminder - I am not the original poster. submitted by /u/Temporary-Snow333 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]