Corner Flower Bed Ideas

... of a career, bouncing between ideas and inspirations like a Merminian... her feet, drifting into a bed of soft pink and gold ... the petals of the nearest flower.”Maybe he’d want to swim... flower patterns and a pair of loose-fitting shorts. His tongue poked from the corner...

... a losing battle with a bed. Nothing hurt. That's the weird... was better than letting a bed win. Told myself that was ...grinning when I turned the corner. I knew who it was. ...who claims otherwise." The very corner of her mouth moved. The ... argue. Lisa took over a corner of the library and made ... plan. My feet had other ideas. Somehow I ended up on ... do it alone. The crystal flower at my temple went warm. ...

... outer layer displaying scenes of flower fields and clouded skies. Adorning... Suzuka, passing around the last corner. Something is wrong with her... was situated in a hospital bed, more for an overnight rest... I mentioned in the Umamusume ideas thread. With how notable her...

..., and here you are, flower bitch, wanting her for nothing...man glared at him. "You flower bastards are all the same....miracle, I'll cut you open, flower bitch—" Tora heard an echo...." Haya pointed to a corner of the wreckage, voice flat, "... that they have different ideas of making sure they can't ... charge have very different ideas about what Seed should be." ... at the inn before bed to say what he wanted ...

... in helping me flesh out ideas for the Star Wars Battlefront... out of sight in a corner of the WJW Studio backlot. ... stayed to discuss about more ideas to promote and market Big ... maiden Come from thy willow bed She looked at him serenely ... through the forest With a flower and coat of green His ... birth She faded into a flower, that would bloom for one ...

...VALENTINE'S DAY WAS AROUND THE CORNER! "I totally forgot!" She shoved the flower back into Cat Noir's chest... Adrien's hand to the corner of the paper. "Right here ... backed into a sudden corner, Chloe's eyes flicked around the ...soon as she rounded the corner, she popped open her bag ...for him. Running out of ideas and running out of time ... don't go." Marinette laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling ...

... how to access them." "Any ideas?" "A few, I've read enough... the Scat Thugs round the corner in a flurry of claws... but notice out of the corner of my eye that Yukinoshita ... across its throat. In the corner of my vision, I saw ... covers, safe at home in bed, after a girl at school ... little pink apron covered in flower stitching that Komachi would probably ...

... of movement out of the corner of his eye, turning to ... mud from the disturbed sea bed, but of the ship there ... the corner where one of the bathrooms had been, like a strange ceramic and metal flower..., who'd been sitting in the corner eating pickles covered with vanilla ... course, as most of her ideas were obviously deluded. Tammie had ...

... of movement out of the corner of his eye, turning to ... mud from the disturbed sea bed, but of the ship there ... the corner where one of the bathrooms had been, like a strange ceramic and metal flower..., who'd been sitting in the corner eating pickles covered with vanilla ... course, as most of her ideas were obviously deluded. Tammie had ...

... plan is for me. Any ideas, Miss Therapist?" I sat up... room. Instead, I found a bed. Then a wall, metal bars... sharp teeth deeper inside the flower. Today she smelt like orange-vinegar. "... eyed the camera in the corner of the ceiling. While Detective ... and nowhere close to the bed. I asked why I was ...

... plan is for me. Any ideas, Miss Therapist?" I sat up... room. Instead, I found a bed. Then a wall, metal bars... sharp teeth deeper inside the flower. Today she smelt like orange-vinegar. "... eyed the camera in the corner of the ceiling. While Detective ... and nowhere close to the bed. I asked why I was ...

...the edge of the narrow bed and took stock. His ..., Galad returned to the bed and allowed himself to collapse ... the Arbor and the flower of Tyrell, told him the ... wooden crate in the corner. He dragged it closer with ...something Harras would ask. His ideas of honor lay more within ...forward. Honey glistened at the corner of his mouth. "It was ...forget the hero of the Flower Hearth himself, Ser Galad of ...

... proposed during the council, your ideas... They struck a chill into... his shutters on a street corner. He didn't retreat when he.... The idea of picking a flower appeared as an unreasonable waste ... long used to: a narrow bed, a chest, and a desk...

...he slowly rose from his bed, blinking repeatedly until his ... the end of the bed. Placing his feet on the ... of clothes beside the bed frame that that monk must've ... put them on his bed, and instinctively looked around to ..., he peered around the corner, and the hallway stretched out ... never find the unwilling flower without the right nudge." Brother ... with all kinds of ideas. I should speak with the ...

...he slowly rose from his bed, blinking repeatedly until his ... the end of the bed. Placing his feet on the ... of clothes beside the bed frame that that monk must've ... put them on his bed, and instinctively looked around to ..., he peered around the corner, and the hallway stretched out ... never find the unwilling flower without the right nudge." Brother ... with all kinds of ideas. I should speak with the ...

... was like walking on a bed of fire coals every time ... narrowed his eyes at the corner pieces. "Nope, not a puzzle." .... "Tastes good," he said. "That bed is horrible," he said as ... you about. The bird, the flower, the islands, I could not .... The yarn however had other ideas as it caught his hands ... as the yarn had other ideas as it pushed them both ...

... walk to wind down before bed.) Harry’s still living with Mark... did. I was perusing the flower shop in Old Town and ... up. D-Don't get any funny ideas! I'm not trying to do.... Your boss is in your corner. Though it's nothing I can't...

... phone and slipped off her bed. Her bed was pushed up against..., while she peeked beneath the bed. Under it were small, orb-shaped..., on the wall beneath her bed, was—well—the wall. Smooth... and into the world of ideas. Into the very concepts of .... Taylor's childhood had carved these ideas into her body, into her ... a bloom. A flower of angles. A prism of swords. Each corner was filled with...

... phone and slipped off her bed. Her bed was pushed up against..., while she peeked beneath the bed. Under it were small, orb-shaped..., on the wall beneath her bed, was—well—the wall. Smooth... and into the world of ideas. Into the very concepts of .... Taylor's childhood had carved these ideas into her body, into her ... a bloom. A flower of angles. A prism of swords. Each corner was filled with...

...the floor was white, his bed was white, and his shirt...doing…" He climbed off his bed, his bare feet touching ...As Sipa relaxed in her bed that night, she folded hands... cleanliness in each and every corner. Some unfortunate operatives (such...gains limitless power from fan ideas, and can even edit ... past him, bouncing the flower in the air. The robot ... how it's done." The flower attached vines to them all ...

I have lots of corner pieces and small pieces. I am just looking for other ideas. I am going to put lights up but we have a ton of wildlife out back so will put it on a timer as not to disturb the turtles, gators, panthers, etc. that come by. submitted by /u/Top-Faithlessness733 to r/crawling [link] [comments]

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/2970-Fairmount-Blvd-Cleveland-Heights-OH-44118/33660853_zpid/ Hello All, I was delighted to see the house I personally renovated, 2970 Fairmount Blvd. Cleveland Heights, OH 44118, on your page four months ago. (although my wife just found it yesterday!) After reading through all the comments I wanted to provide many more photographs to you, as I'm very proud of my work, and was thrilled to see mostly positive feedback on the renovations! A huge thank you goes out to Cambria Countertops, as they believed in the revitalization of this home and donated many of the hard surfaces. The countertop end panel on the island was a Cambria first with this home, the detail is now being replicated across the country. Quick story about me, I'm a professional GC, I focus on historic renovations, or historically sensitive renovations, and build new homes. At the time I performed this renovation, I was working for another company. My position there was terminated, largely due to the performance of this project. A major change in the scope of work mid project, wrote my termination on the wall. As with many houses, the deeper we got, the more problems I found. The more areas we added to scope, the longer the list of undisclosed conditions we found became. I'm not the type to leave something unbuttoned and I do not cut the corners, so those problems were fixed...meanwhile the budget was...well...blown...and then blown again. I don't feel comfortable disclosing the amount spent publicly, instead I'll tell you want we did to the house. Since losing my job, I've launched my own company (Ad Astra Homes & Renovations) and am doing well for myself. I have a great relationship with the investors of this project and there are no hard feelings! This house was a delight and the future owner is getting a gem! There are details I would handle differently if it were my home, I would have chosen bolder colors and tile selections. However, I think what was selected was tasteful, authentic to the house, and was installed with beautiful craftsmanship. Here's a list of the work I managed: Starting with the big money, working down to the design decisions and thought process. The utility work and mechanical: New sanitary and storm line from house to street. Upgrade electrical service Cleaning and replacement of the footer tile and drain, then the basement flooded. I went nuclear and put in a B Dry system as back up for the whole house. No problems since! Ripped out whole basement slab under the living room and replaced as it was heaving in the middle. Likely just natural settling, and the existing slab was only 2 inches thick. Full asbestos removal, clean air certificate Replacement of all plumbing, drains and supply lines. New water main from the street, new water supply box. Replacement of all electrical and panels Replaced the radiators with a forced air system, removing radiators, but keeping the nooks to keep the house authentic. These were closed in to keep the benches and create paneled details in place of the screens. Removal of the fountain in the backyard, it was 40k to repair. Stabilization of the decorative pillars in the backyard. We heard a tragedy occurred down the road when two young girls strung a hammock between posts like ours, they fell in. We built a sun shade on top to stabilize them and hopefully prevent a tragedy. Insulated the whole structure, mineral wool, foam, and Fiberglass. The mixture reflected the specific needs of the building. Brickwork and Masonry: Full rebuilt of three chimneys, using identical brick, per original selection sheets. They were photographed, taken down and rebuilt identically. Tuck pointed the whole structure. Rebuilt 3 staircases Repaired slumped patio in rear saving existing sandstone and reusing. Pulled front entry walk up, poured 4 inch concrete and rebedded existing sandstone, including the flower petal detail. Rebuilt of 2 stone retention wall. Rebuilt of 3 window wells. Brand new sidewalk Major structural work at the kitchen to allow the massive new windows. Exterior: Over 20 new windows, mainly due to the existing kitchen having "servant high" windows that started at my forehead and ran up. Servants were not to be seen or heard more than required. All new basement windows in the wells with Azek trim. Restoration by RBX Cleveland Rebuilders Exchange of 2 sets of leaded glass French doors in the Dining Room. New brass banding on existing wood/lead glass windows as required. We kept every window that was able to be restored as the glass was not replaceable. Painting in traditional European Tudor colors New roof deck and Camelot 2 Shingles, which are designed to look like slate. The original roof was cedar shake, but the estimate was a quarter of a million to replace identically. The roof had actual holes when we bought the house, we had to move quickly the water was pouring in. Raised flower beds and landscaping, including the removal of 14 dead trees. Moving to the interior: I fought a war with a designer on the project who wanted to paint all the woodwork. The wood is what makes these houses special! I brought the realtor into the conversation and won the battle to restore all the existing woodwork. To be clear, if it was stained wood when we bought the house, it remained stained wood. I did not instruct nor was anything painted that was not previously. All the existing hardwood floors were restored and refinished. I regret to inform the sub, the floors were previously refinished at least twice, once poorly... There are three areas that are new, but identical in species and width to the original. The kitchen, upstairs back hallway with the built ins, and entry to the former servants quarters. The kitchen had three walls removed, the electrical was under a fur in the floor and so it all had to go. Upstairs hallway was rotted due to active water damage. The servants area previously had pine, I wanted uniformity throughout. We had custom cutter heads made for every piece of trim, so all the trim is identical to the original house. I kept the same species, and as mentioned, kept the same finish, stain or paint. In addition, every fixture, light, door, or piece of trim that was not put back into this house was donated to RBX. If it could live another life, I made sure it had a shot. In fact, another client bought the teal door from the breakfast nook and it is now on a she shed I built for them! Four other doors went to south Ohio, as the same architect designed their house and the doors were identical. The house was stripped to studs in over 90%, we replaced everything short of the foundation, the framing, and reused every material possible. All the plaster details were restored and remain in the house today, as does all of the lead glass. I could go on at great length, but you get the idea. The painting of the boy was claimed by the prior owner, as were all pieces of furniture. The house is not haunted to my knowledge (I gave it the same flair as before!), but one never knows! If this renovation wasn't too your taste, that's OK, if I could do it all again with the knowledge I have today, I would handle a few details differently. Overall, I'm very proud of my work here and hope to restore many more over my career. Thanks for looking at my project! Photos by Aaron Knight Photography - The photos are being degraded by Reddit to fit the max file size. They're quite lovely and clear! submitted by /u/Vegetable-Visual-439 to r/zillowgonewild [link] [comments]

This is a repost. The original was posted in r/CatAdvice by User BattleScarredBear. I'm not the original poster. Status: Concluded with open for more Original July 17, 2025 CW: Pet loss (mentions of the peaceful passing of two beloved senior pets) So, bit of backstory: In 2020, I moved in with my then-girlfriend (now wife). Along with our shared life came a shared menagerie. I brought my dog, Gemma. She brought two cats: Indy and Pekoe. I had high hopes that the animals would become some quirky Pixar-style blended family. I was a fool. Gemma was the sweetest, scruffiest, quietest old mutt you’ve ever met. The kind of dog who looked like she'd seen things but mostly just wanted a gentle chest rub and a soft place to nap. She loved cats, in a way that felt like she wished they were her pets. I've seen her gently lay down next to cats, with this hopeful look on her face. She never barked. She didn’t snuggle, exactly, but she’d lie nearby, always quietly hoping the cats might someday love her back. She was the canine equivalent of a kid on the first day of school holding out a juice box like, “Friends?” Indy, one of the cats, was a calico tabby with the emotional range of a bomb about to go off. Chaos incarnate. She hated the move, hated Gemma, hated everything really, except for my wife and, somehow, eventually, me. For the first year I lived there, she refused to come down to the first floor. Eventually, she came around to me, but she never stopped treating Gemma like an unholy menace. Even once she started hanging out downstairs, she’d travel across furniture and windowsills like a tiny fluffy assassin avoiding pressure plates, just to avoid setting paw where Gemma might have breathed. Poor Gemma had to give up on her dream of having a cat buddy real fast after getting swatted (undeservedly) two too many times. And then there was Pekoe. Pekoe is a large orange tabby with the emotional resilience of a wet loaf of bread. Anxious, clingy, and - this is important - he had absolutely no time for me. He was a sad fat boy who lived only for my wife. He didn’t like me. He tolerated Gemma. He hated cuddles unless they came from his chosen human. If my wife closed her office door, he’d cry like the Romeo understudy in a high school drama class. He’d side-eye me like I was the guy she told him not to worry about. We had an understanding. I existed, and he pretended I didn’t. So that was our house for years. Gemma trying to just exist peacefully with the dying hope the cats might one day accept her. Indy radiating murder vibes or snuggling my head with begrudging affection. Pekoe ignoring me with great enthusiasm. It was an uneasy truce, but it held. Two years ago, Gemma passed, peacefully, at 16. We were gutted. A few months later, Indy, who had slowly warmed up to me over time, decided I was her Person. She got clingy. She’d caterwaul when I left. Sleep on my chest, my head, my back. Wherever she could drape her angry little body. Full gremlin energy, but affectionate. Recently, Indy’s health declined. She had a worsening heart murmur, and about a month ago, we made the difficult decision to let her go gently. She was 17. We were devastated all over again. And then, immediately after Indy’s passing, like within a few days, something shifted. Pekoe changed. Suddenly, the cat who had ignored me for four years became obsessed with me. He sleeps with me at night now. Rolls over for belly rubs like I’m some kind of feline massage therapist. He insists on being in my office all day. If I go back to bed, he climbs in and snuggles up like I’m the last patch of sunlight in the universe. He wants me to feed him now. And he'll ignore my wife, his actual person, to come bop my chair and demand attention. Then he purrs like a dying lawnmower and looks at me with the kind of absolute adoration usually reserved for cult leaders and those who open cans. We didn’t change our routine. We didn’t rearrange the house. My wife is still very much present and fully available for cuddles. But Pekoe is acting like I’m his long-lost soulmate and he’s making up for lost time. Which leaves both of us, me and my wife, completely baffled. I have several theories: Indy bullied him into keeping his distance, and now that she's gone, he's free to pursue this forbidden human romance. He’s grieving, and somehow senses I'm grieving too. But it feels less like “let’s heal together” and more like “rub my belly, grief monkey.” This is a long con. He’s softening me up for something. I don’t know what. He’s terrible at being a cat, so probably not murder. But definitely something. The shift has been instant and total. I feel like I’m living with a completely different animal. Nothing else has changed. My wife is still here. She is supposed to be his person. Now apparently I am? Has anyone else had a cat pull this kind of emotional U-turn? I feel like I’m living with a completely different animal now. I mean, I’m not complaining - he’s a great cuddler and he’s terrible at being a cat, and that’s sort of charming in its own right - but I feel like I missed something here. Is this normal? Is this grief? Is he just now realizing I give excellent belly rubs? A glitch in the Cat Matrix? Or have I been a mark all along? TLDR: My wife’s cat spent four years ignoring me like I was a piece of furniture that owed him money. Then our other cat passed away, and now he’s obsessed with me. I have theories, and concerns. Some of the comments by OOP: [Somebody says cat can get cuddlier with age] Treasure her. There may be some truth in what you say here, because Indy also softened with age. She went from napping sinisterly in remote corners of the house to becoming what we affectionately referred to as the ten-pound terrorist (she wasn’t actually ten pounds, but the name stuck). She would scream at me until I was properly bullied into the chair, couch, or bed she had selected for cuddling. It was like living with a tiny, affectionate dictator. So perhaps Pekoe has now learned this skill, and without Indy to contend with, has decided to adopt her tactics for himself. I think you’ve cracked this case wide open. (And thank you. Sorrow and joy are deeply intertwined in our household. If you haven’t already, I highly recommend The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran, especially his section on Joy and Sorrow. It captures it beautifully.) [One commenter says Pekoe just misses Indy and reaches out] I desperately want to believe this, and you may very well be right. But I’ve been so suspicious of his motivations that it’s hard to trust this sudden wave of relentless adorableness. It feels like it could be nefarious. Or, at the very least, deeply selfish. Which, in all honesty, I respect. You get those belly rubs, Peeks. If this turns out to be a fully coordinated emotional assault, I will be in awe of the long game. I do want to reinforce that it never really seemed like the cats got along, which is why I have a hard time believing he’s grieving in any classic sense. Indy barely tolerated him any more than she tolerated Gemma. I once caught them sleeping on the same bed within inches of each other, and it was such a rare event it became a household breaking news. We discussed it all afternoon, like a panel of cable news pundits trying to fill airtime during an election cycle. To be fair, though, maybe Pekoe would have preferred a more peaceful, interloving household. I imagine he misses Indy in the way that the Stockholm hostages miss Jan-Erik Olsson. In the world of cats, the system of territory is very solid. Even humans are considered territory. My theory is: 1) Both cats viewed you as Gemma’s territory. They don’t challenge a larger animal on their territory so they stayed away. 2) Indy must be the alpha out of the 2 cats. You became her territory once Gemma is gone. 3) Indy’s gone, now Pekoe gets to have you all to himself. I experienced something very similar between two cats that I got around the same time. The second cat became much more affectionate with me once the first one passed away. shoopshoop3 This theory actually makes a lot of sense to me. That said, the idea of Gemma being the alpha in any regard is... objectively hilarious. She was the most passive dog imaginable. She was a literal peacemaker in her day. Not submissive, necessarily, but deeply uninterested in conflict. With other dogs or cats, her whole vibe was “There's stuff to sniff, why you stressing?” Indy, she was absolutely the alpha. Or rather, not an alpha. A queen. The smallest in the house in size, but the largest of us all in personality. She ruled with an iron paw. Her domain included all of us. We affectionately called her the ten-pound terrorist. And Pekoe? He’s definitely a little princeling. The soft, sourdough loaf-like, emotionally needy heir to the throne, now basking in the full light of attention. [OOP] When Gemma and I first moved in, I was persona non grata to both cats. Indy appeared to warm up slowly over time, but Pekoe… Pekoe was obsessed with my wife in a way that bordered on the unhealthy. When I joke about there being an air of romantic competition between us, I’m really only half-joking. The other half is projecting my own wildly inappropriate insecurities. That cat had zero doubts about his status as the favored son. I, on the other hand, was very much the unwelcome interloper. Which is probably why all of this feels so confusing. In this house, I’ve mostly been considered “spare human” by all the animals — even my own dog, at times. My wife has always been the clear favourite. Is it because she is a soft, cuddly human with a sweet disposition who gently coos, soothing savage beasts? Perhaps. Is it because she’s a soft touch who routinely feeds her four-footed children from her plate? Absolutely, yes. So, you’re probably right. Maybe Pekoe hasn’t abandoned his obsessive devotion to my wife. He’s just realized he can now distribute himself a little more evenly. For our benefit, of course. Out of generosity. Like a benevolent lord bestowing affection upon his lesser subjects. Whenever my wife would leave for more than 24 hours, he’d come seeking a bit of affection. But it was always begrudgingly. He wouldn’t cuddle, precisely. He’d just sit within arm’s reach and give me a look that said: “You may pet me, fat man, but don’t get any ideas.” He wouldn’t purr. The only sign he was accepting the interaction was the absence of tail twitching. And once he’d had his fill, he’d leave, casting one last baleful glance over his shoulder that clearly meant: “Tell no one of what happened here. If you do, I will deny it… and end your bloodline.” Outside of that, unless I was opening a can of tuna or holding a piece of chicken, I was not interesting to him in the least. Cats do not seem to do well with the concept that multiple cats can love multiple people. Multiple people may love one cat, sure. But not the other way around. It’s cat math. It doesn’t have to make sense. It just is. [about the death of a cat] It really is hard, but in a subreddit like this, I know everyone here knows that pain intimately. And we all know it’s worth it, for the years of laughter, weirdness, and love they give us. I can promise you, she most definitely was bullying. She bullied all of us. That was her love language. It was also her method of establishing her monarchy. She didn’t gently coax me into cuddles. She would caterwaul and screech until I followed her to the chair or bed she had chosen for our “shared” comfort. She would occasionally go out of her way to surprise-swat Gemma, just to remind her who ruled the realm. And if she realized Pekoe was even in staring distance, she would flip the entire fuck out. Indy was absolutely a bully. But she was our bully. In all seriousness though, I do hope this is the new normal. Pekoe is very squishy, and I like giving him belly rubs. If he pulls this rug out from under me, I will be absolutely destroyed. [about the name Pekoe for an orange cat] I first read this as “Orange Pekoe is a genius” and was both surprised and horrified. Firstly: no, he is not. He is absolutely terrible at being a cat. He refuses to climb on furniture. Chase a mouse? Never. We bought them a cat stand once. He never made it past the first level. His idea of playing with a toy is one swat, followed by existential fatigue. Is he capable of finding food once it leaves his field of vision? No. Does he turn his head to re-establish visual contact with said food? Also no. Then I realized what you actually wrote, and yes, absolutely. It is genius. My wife is much smarter than I am, and she loves tea. Her staple? Earl Grey. Just kidding. It’s Orange Pekoe. [somebody says maybe OOP is ill and the cat picks up on it] Yes, I’m good. Just had bloodwork done recently, I’m currently working at n weight loss with my doctor. I appreciate the thought though. Update August 24, 2025, 1 month and 1 week later It has been over a month since I posted about this situation, and I can tell you: I am slowly going mad. Many of you responded to that post, alluding to some version of the theory that Indy, our cat who recently passed, had claimed me as hers, and that she had kept the other cat, Pekoe (I thought I should share some pictures of him this time), from me. I have now come to believe this may be true, but not in the way you all thought. I think she was protecting me from him. One might even say she did it for his own good. He does not stop meowing. Am I exaggerating? Of course I am. He is not capable of uttering a constant, repeating, irritating meow every second, on the second, for all eighty-six thousand, four hundred seconds of the day. He is asleep approximately 16–18 hours of the day. He also spends 10–30 seconds per meal inhaling the variety of damp, brown, pâté-like meat pastes we drop onto his ornate, flower-shaped ceramic cat dish, multiple times a day. Meow. He is capable of keeping up that unrelenting pace of meowing for several consecutive minutes, sometimes as many as fifteen of them (my personal best in resisting his un-siren-like call), bundled together into an episode of mind-eroding sonic torture. It is not loud. No, it is worse than loud. It is like a psychic lance to the skull. As though someone is tapping on the blackboard of my mind with chalk-dusted fingers, little scratches of nerve-wrenching shocks to my cerebellum. Over and over and over again. Meow. Meow. I have ascertained some of the meanings of his belligerence. The purposes of these verbal assaults are many. Here are just a few of the reasons he has decided to employ this persuasion technique: He would like his breakfast approximately three hours early (5 a.m.). He would like a second serving of breakfast. He thinks he can convince whichever one of us didn’t serve him breakfast that he hasn’t had breakfast yet. He would like some of my breakfast. He would like lunch now. Yes, he has recently decided he would like lunch. He is thirsty. He, of course, has a massive cycling water bowl, but it seems he must announce when he is heading off for a drink. He would like an afternoon snack. He would like my afternoon snack. He is wondering if he can have some of our dinner. He would like his own dinner. He would like my wife to stop singing. He would like to be pet. He would like to be drawn into a cuddle and pet. He would like to be drawn into a cuddle and pet at 1 a.m. He would like to be drawn into a cuddle and pet at 3 a.m. He would like to have a post-breakfast cuddle. He would like to have a post-dinner cuddle. He would like to be elevated onto the bed. He would like to be de-elevated from the bed. Here are two things he does not utilize this skill for: Warning us he is about to vomit a hairball (or his dinner) onto the bed. Letting us know he has failed to reach the litter boxes, and has instead opted to poop on the stairs. Meow. Meow. Meow. And finally, to explain the elevation points, and the yet-unmentioned and most egregious use of this newfound misuse of his vocal powers, I must explain that my desk, where I work most days, is in a cubby in our bedroom. Directly behind me is our marital bed, which, in his ascension and self-crowning as King of this Domain, he has claimed as his royal throne. Yes, there are stairs installed at the end of the bed. Yes, he is perfectly capable of using them. But no, he does not lower himself to such indignities when his human-powered elevation device is present. To be clear: I am that human-powered elevation device. Not my wife. Not any other nearby human. Just me. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. And this leads us to the newest, and most heart-melting, yet infuriating, implementation of his royal declarations: begging for my attention. Not just my attention, but a very specific form of attention that he bypasses my wife for entirely. She cannot perform this task, apparently. Only I can. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. This is entirely our fault. He was terrible at being a cat in the first place. He had no motivation to chase mice, strings, or even little laser lights. He never showed any interest in getting to high places like most other cats. In fact, the only time I’ve seen him try to ascend further than the couch was to get to the back of the couch, where my wife had left her bowl of ice cream unattended. He has always been spoiled, and we spoil him further, because there is no going back. He is nearly 17. This is who he is. A hedonistic loaf of fur. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Even as I write this, he is pawing at the back of my chair, demanding that I perform my duty. That duty? Belly rubs. It’s not just any old belly rubs. He likes when I grasp him firmly, but gently, press my head against him, and flop him down onto his side. A gesture that began out of pure frustration (after being interrupted for the seventh time in an hour, I pressed him to the bed and gave him a fury-fueled belly rub as recriminations for his bad behaviour) only to have him start purring. Loudly. The same way he used to purr for my wife when she would relent and let him cuddle her in the wee hours. A purr I once interpreted as a petulant, performative, dramatic cat version of: “See, fat man? She loves me more.” Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Now, weeks later, I must repeat this ritual several times a day. I am not allowed on the bed with him. I must remain seated in my chair, leaning over him so he can paw at my shirt or attempt to clean my face. He either wants to be fully on his back, clinging to my arm with his front paws, or slightly on his side, kneading the air like a baker of invisible biscuits. Is it cute? Of course. Is it annoying and inconvenient? Almost exclusively. When I am in meetings. Meow. When I am deep in a programming binge. Meow. When I am desperately trying to maintain focus on a passage of prose. Meow. When I am trying to watch course material for work. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. It is slowly eroding away at my tether. I can feel each utterance pierce into the meaty noodles of my gray matter, like an infestation of furry caterpillars crawling amongst my neurons. And yet, how can I be angry with him? How can I be annoyed, his aged-purr muscles sputtering as I stroke his belly, sounding like an ancient lawn tractor lurching back to life, the engine struggling to turn over even with the choke fully pulled out. The kind of noise you hear before some gristled old man in a plaid shirt with a yellowed moustache says “you can’t just cold start ’em, gotta warm ’em up first.” Sometimes I try to re-establish my grasp of reality by engaging these mewlings in conversation: “Meow.” “Sorry, I didn’t catch that.” “Meow.” “No, it’s not time for dinner yet, buddy.” “Meow.” “You wouldn’t talk to your mother like that.” “Meow.” “It’s not okay to use that kind of language in this house.” “Meow.” “Seriously, where did you learn that word? It wasn’t from me.” Is it working? I don’t know. My wife and mother-in-law find these exchanges hilarious. They don’t realize this is my last-ditch effort to keep my sanity. I don’t think it’s working. I am losing it. He never stops until he gets what he wants. Any sense of autonomy I had as an adult has rotted away. I no longer feel in control of my day, let alone the idea of having any say in my destiny. I have no choice here. I must comply. I can only choose to endure or comply. There is no relief from it. I have no mouth but I must meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Is this why we often jest about cats owning us? It doesn’t feel so funny any more. It feels horrifyingly, viscerally, unerringly true. I once believed I was terrorized by the other cat, her machinations and demands feeling pointed, but now, I wonder: have I been inherited, passed like a crown, from one master to the next? Is this orange monster my Joffrey? I can feel myself coming unglued at times, and the conversations take a darker turn. I’ll turn to my wife and say: “Listen, I’m not 100% on the translation, but I’m pretty sure he’s saying he’s tired of it here, and he’d like to be taken to the shelter to find a more extravagant home, something more suited to his proclivities.” Or: “I’m pretty sure he just said it’s time to cut the apron strings. He’s ready to get out there, get a job, and find a place of his own. I think we should support him in gaining his independence.” Or: “Pekoe tells me he’s interested in taking up lake swimming.” She finds these less funny, especially since I’ve repeated them enough that she now warns of severe consequences if I even think such a thing. Do I think such a thing? Only in jest, I assure you. I may be going mad, but I am not a monster. I would never hurt this cat, or any other creature. I am gentle with them, and I love them more than people. Even this cat. This cat, who tests the limits of the love between us. I do love him. I do. I swear. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. I am just baffled. Annoyed, certainly, but mostly baffled. Why does he like this ritual so much? Is this play for him or some elaborate humiliation ritual for me that I do not yet fully comprehend? If I stop and turn back to my work, he will wait a few minutes, then cry for me again, and when I return he has stood up again. So being knocked over is part of it. But why? Why is he so particular? What does it mean? What is this? Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. I am resigned to my fate. I will act as his personal elevator, and I will serve him his rubs of the belly. I do, and will find mental fortitude and emotional sustenance as he enjoys my attention. I will let my heart melt as he grasps my arm. Or when he paws my shirt. Or when he makes his air biscuits. But …why are the air biscuits he makes so slow… and… so delicious? EDIT: Thank you all for the compliments on my writing, and for the awards! I'll try to respond to as many comments as I can. Notable comment: You say he's obsessed, but you wrote 25 paragraphs and 25 bullet points about him. Are you sure you're not the one who's really obsessed here? Immediate-Shift1087 Is it obsession when someone is simply trying to make sense of the persistent, ongoing, and unrelenting source of their torment? If so, then yes, I am hopelessly obsessed with this tangerine terror. That said, your concern is fair and appreciated. Pekoe has lived a long, spoiled, and medically complicated life. Even before I was in the picture, he went through a health crisis so severe that even the vet thought he was beyond help. My wife stubbornly refused to give up on him, nursed him back to health, and they’ve been an inseparable (and arguably co-dependent) pair ever since. He’s been pampered and coddled for years. He does have some arthritis and is on specialized food for urinary issues, but he’s monitored and cared for, and nothing so far suggests an underlying new medical crisis. At this point, I think what’s changing is less his health and more his focus. His vocalizations aren’t exactly new, it’s just that they used to be entirely aimed at my wife, and after Indy passed, he seems to have redirected that fixation onto me. Healthwise, he is what passes for normal for him. Me on the other hand, that's another story. [OOP] Some of the comments by OOP: My wife named him—and (not so coincidentally) it happens to be her favorite tea. As for your situation, I’d brace yourself; there’s a distinct possibility you’re in for a similar adventure. And if you ever find yourself in need of guidance on the proper belly-rub technique, you know where to find me. I genuinely love that your inclination is this is him desperately trying to make good on some perceived debt of affection. Some version of "Dear God, I have not fulfilled my obligations of affection to the fat man, and now, with the departing of our dearly beloved Indy, I must make amends." That, that is so wholesome. The world needs more people like you in it. [somebody says to close the door on Pekoe] I’m confused: are you suggesting that a solid-core door might somehow silence him? How? Am I to use this door as some kind of weapon? Or are you suggesting that I might be able to exile him from His Domain? That I actually have a choice in where he decides to lay himself out? I admire your faith in my supposed powers of persuasion, but Pekoe is governed only by the paths of sunbeams, his stomach, and his own whims. On the rare occasions I’ve tried to exile him, he’s simply yelled and scratched until he was let back in. Remove him from the door, and he returns. Every time. Unperturbed. Relentless. I can imagine that a more solid door could dull the sound of his demands for entry, but would it stop them? Not in the least. As much as I wish a piece of wood could be my salvation, it’s an idea that’s been trialed, failed, and long since abandoned. (But seriously, thank you for trying to help!) I think the better question is: would I take well to button training? Do I really want to know what he’s thinking? It might be safer to remain in my delusions. It’s entirely possible that his true thoughts are far more harrowing than I assume. That said, I’ll float the idea to my wife. Several people have suggested it. Part of me feels like at 17 he might be too old to learn new tricks… but then again, he has successfully trained me to give him belly rubs, so perhaps I need to rethink my assumptions. It really is something Pekoe doesn’t seem to like. My wife has an incredible singing voice, and it’s honestly one of my favorite things about her. I love when we’re in the car together and she sings along. One of our first big date trips was to wine country, and one of the best parts of the whole weekend was the several hours we spent sharing a Spotify playlist and belting out every song. She just doesn’t do it much around the house because Pekoe - along with his many other titles and responsibilities - has apparently appointed himself our resident music critic. For whatever reason, he does not like her singing. [on getting another cat so Pekoe isn't alone] It's a really good thought, and I love how much everyone here wants Pekoe to be happy. There was a dog who passed a few years ago, and another cat in the house who passed more recently. We do our best not to leave him alone for long. We’ve talked about whether bringing in another cat might help, but given his age and physical limitations, we worry it could be more stressful than supportive. For now, we’re just trying to make sure he gets all the attention and comfort he needs from us. I think suggesting that people who don’t approach animal behavior the same way you do, or who prioritize their relationship with their pets differently, are weak-willed sets the wrong tone. It risks making people less open to your insights, even if those insights have value. That said, I actually share some of your perspective. Pekoe definitely understands that the rules are different between my wife and me. He knows he can practically stick his face in her bowl before she admonishes him, whereas if I make a certain noise, he knows to get his paw off the coffee table and avert his eyes from my food, thank-you-very-much. And just to clarify: I was writing my original post with deliberate exaggeration. I’m not actually losing my mind, and I do love this cat. The whole point was to poke fun at his bizarre ritual of demanding to be knocked over in order to get belly rubs. It’s inconvenient, sure, but it’s also endearing in its own ridiculous way. I’ve lived through two cats who have lost their hearing, and I found both experiences both heartbreaking and amusing. Having a cat scream affectionately at me is somehow more tolerable. No, his hearing is both intact and acute. If I had the equipment to measure it, I am certain that Pekoe has broken land speed records getting his chubby ginger butt across the house the moment the can opener makes contact with a tin of tuna. Even though, after every time I empty and drain a can of tuna I pour him a generous dish of tuna water, that does not stop him from incessantly meowing through the entire opening and draining process. I'm not the original poster. submitted by /u/Schattenspringer to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ithinkitmightbeover posting in r/relationships Concluded as per OOP 1 update - Long Original - 30th July 2015 Update - 31st July 2015 ​ Me [30 F] with my husband [32 M] of 8 years, found possible evidence of cheating. I'm devastated. ​ I don't know where exactly to start. He is working late tonight (or that is what he says) so I thought I'd take some time to write in and ask for advice. Sorry for this being disjointed, I've been pretty emotional and crying a lot this evening. We have been together since college, married for the last 8 years (right after college grad for me). We were perfect for each other. Many friendships have come and gone but we've always found contentment in each other. Both adventurous and did some travelling together when we were first married. We argued, but not a lot. We had kids. First (planned child) was 6 years ago, second (surprise child) and last is now 3. Since having kids it's been tough to get time together - both of our parents live a few hours drive away, there aren't many babysitters we've found that can handle our rambunctious boys. Husband works a demanding, stressful job and has had to cancel vacation plans more than once over the last 6 years because of a terrible boss. We were seeing each other for what felt like minutes every day, and our children, while wonderful, demanded a lot of our time and energy. His boss changed about six months ago. Immediately his hours became more reasonable and his stress levels went down. Still long hours and travel some days, but better. We had evenings together again but something was different. It felt like we were strangers, just roommates who had kids together. We were just so exhausted from the last few years that we must have spent a couple months using any spare time we had once the kids were in bed crashing, watching Netflix, etc. Just boring stuff, and all along I felt very disconnected from the man who was supposed to be my partner. So we talked about it. I told him I missed him. We had a few conversations about feeling disconnected. We hired a sitter, went on some dates, and things started to feel better. He's been more loving and attentive. He bought me flowers again. I was feeling so hopeful, like I was getting my partner back. About a month ago I noticed something I think I wasn't supposed to. He has been talking about this work trip coming up for a week in August - it's been a bit of a sore spot for me since in my mind summer is for family vacations, not work trips. But I've been being understanding. However when he was in the shower his phone beeped, and I saw an email from someone named "Alison" entitled "Our Trip!" I felt a little weird looking at it but when I asked him about it he checked his phone and told me it was a spam email. I didn't think of it after that, but since then I haven't seen his phone left out again. I found something else about a week ago - It was a receipt for a jewelry store, and it was a sizable sum. Money has never really been terribly tight for us but even I was surprised by how much it was for. I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and (I admit) looked for his personal laptop to see if I could snoop through his emails. But he'd taken his personal laptop to work - something he'd never done. I was getting nervous but somehow didn't want to bring it up with him. Maybe I was trying not to believe it. But this morning I found his credit card bill in his sock drawer. Why was he hiding it you ask? There were transactions going back over the last month, all for stores that men typically don't shop at. I added them up and he has spent a few hundred dollars on what looks like women's clothing and lingerie. I haven't seen anything from these stores in our house, so who are they for?? He is working better hours but still away some evenings. He could be spending at least an evening a week with someone else. I don't know what to think but I fear the worst. Is there someone else? Was I too unavailable when our kids were younger? Is he going on a trip with them? Is it this Alison person? What am I going to do if he leaves me? He's buying her presents, for God's sake! Doesn't that usually mean a man is moving on or falling in love somewhere else? I don't know what to do. I don't know any of his passwords so I can't snoop. I could call his office to make sure he is actually there when he says he is but if I talk to anyone I think I'm just going to start bawling again. He should be home in a few hours. What am I going to do? I don't want to raise my kids alone. I don't want to be alone. tl;dr: We've grown distant since having kids, recently I found receipts and saw an email that make me believe he is having an affair. I don't know what to do. Please help. ​ Comments ​ drinkmaletears Show him the receipt you found. Ask him to explain why he's been buying women's clothing and jewelry. If the reason is totally innocent (he's been quietly squirreling away gifts for you), he should be able to explain it easily. If he gets defensive, accuses you of distrusting him, or otherwise tries to make the argument about your behavior instead of answering the question, you have your answer. If he is in fact cheating, lawyer up immediately. Even if you have to shoulder the burden of parenting more or less on your own from here on out, you can do everything in your power to ensure that he has to contribute fairly to your kids' living expenses. OOP: Even the idea of raising the kids without him makes me want to puke. It's not the money, it's the lack of a partner... I'll show him the receipt when he gets home. I don't know if I'll be coherent or not. If he was getting gifts for me I would think I would have seen something hidden around here, but I've torn the house apart today looking. There's nothing. He's never bought me clothes before. I can't remember the last time he bought me lingerie. Maybe before we had kids? ​ Update - 14 hours later ​ Edit: The comments are making me very scared. I am thankful for everyone who is talking to me though, even when it's hard to hear. I've calmed down a bit (read: no longer sobbing) and I'm going to call my older sister to talk to a "real person" about this. She lives a couple hours away but we have always been close, and she knows my husband well. I will try and update again later. Thank you again to everyone. Edit 2: I just had a... very strange conversation with my sister. I told her everything, was getting really worked up and emotional and crying again... she interrupted me and told me "Sis, it's going to be fine, you need to calm down and talk to (husband) when he gets home. I promise everything is ok. Hang up the phone, take a bath or something, calm down and wait for (husband) to get home." Then she said she loved me and she hung up. What the hell is going on with my life today... I feel like she just blew me off. She didn't seem to react to what I was saying. But most commenters here seem pretty sure that something bad is going on. I feel like I'm going crzy. Edit 2:Right after I posted my edit about my sister and the phone call, my husband texted. He said my sister had called him and he was on his way home. I immediately freaked out because I did NOT feel ready to talk to him. I was super pissed at my sister for calling him and to be honest I felt like the entire world was falling down around my ears. I broke down. I didn't even know where I was but when I heard the front door open I realized I was on my knees in the kitchen sobbing. My husband skidded around the corner and when I saw him I just started crying harder. He dropped to the ground in front of me and started apologizing and I just lost it. I started shaking my head and saying "No no no no" over and over again, I couldn't even hear what he was saying. He tried to hug me and I held my arms out all stiff, like a kid does when they don't want a hug, just holding him back. It took me a few minutes to register what he was saying, but he was repeating over and over, "I'm sorry for scaring you, please listen to me, you need to hear what's going on, I'm not cheating, please listen to me," just over and over. I finally stopped and just said "What...?" I just was so drained and confused. It was good news. I saw some of the comments in the original post saying "maybe it was a surprise" and you folks get the grand prize. The story all came out. After our big talks about reconnecting he called my sister for advice. My sister's idea was to have him spirit me away for a surprise weekend getaway while she and my BIL took the kids. She connected him to her friend, a travel agent (remember Alison?) to get the ball rolling. The plan evolved into my sister and parents trading off with the kids for the week. The jewelry receipt is for a necklace, for me, to wear out to dinner on our trip. The credit card charges are for some fancy clothes and lingerie he got me for the trip (he took some of my clothes with him to get the sizes right and got a lot of help from the salespeople). He says they are my style but they could be bags for all I care at this point. So why the surprise? My sister told him that it would be better if it was a surprise, because it would be romantic that way. She didn't count on me finding out early and assuming the worst. I have had mild anxiety issues all my life that have been worse since having kids, but this was the worst it's ever been I've never felt so totally out of control in my life. He didn't tell me all of this right away. Some of it came out in that first moment in the kitchen, but when I realized it was not the end of my marriage I pretty much became incoherent with relief. This is embarrassing but I sobbed so hard that I vomited a little. At least it was on the linoleum. The rest he told me after I calmed down. We talked until late last night. He showed me all the emails, showed me our destination, we got excited together. I am not mad at him at all - which he is relieved by, apparently my sister called him with a "red alert get home now before your wife calls a lawyer" message. She knows I have some anxiety issues, so I may have to get after her about the decision to keep this all a big secret from me. Right now I'm too relieved to be upset. I am a little concerned by how unhinged I became. I think I need to work on that. It's not like me. What am I going to do if a real crisis comes along? Some people were saying that I am "codependant," maybe they are right. But that's for later. For now I'm enjoying my day with the kids and looking forward to my trip. :) Thank you to all the advise and good wishes from you all. I'm sorry for worrying anyone. You are wonderful people to spend your time ready to help a stranger through the screen. I hope your lives can all take an unexpected yet wonderful turn. ​ Comments ​ capilot My sister told him that it would be better if it was a surprise, because it would be romantic that way. Turns out she was wrong. There's a lesson here: NEVER surprise a woman unless you know she likes it. I "forgot" my girlfriend's birthday once because I wanted to surprise her. She cried for three days and six years later we're still dealing with the repercussions. Anyway, I'm glad the "surprise" theory turned out to be the correct one. I hadn't really thought it would turn out that way because of how rarely we get good news in this forum. Thank you, OP, for restoring my faith in humanity just a little. valiantdistraction what the fuck, this had a twist ending. This is not usually how r/relationships goes. ​ I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments submitted by /u/SharkEva to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is vbloke. They posted in r/CasualUK Thanks to u/themadwhodatter for the rec! Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. Mood Spoiler: beautiful and sad Original Post: June 10, 2025 Title: The tale of a bumblebee and a soft hearted human Out for a walk this morning and I see a bumblebee on the pavement. I almost always pick them up so they don’t get stepped on and leave them on a wall or nearby flower. This time however, I saw her wings were gone and she wouldn’t survive long, so I decided to take her home to make her as comfortable as I could whilst she survived. I set her up in a box with some leaves, flowers, nesting materials and damp moss to have a drink from. Took her a while to settle in, but she soon found the flowers and had a feed and a wander about. She’s currently having a nap under a big leaf. I know you’re not supposed to bring bumblebees indoors, but the box is by an open window so she has natural light and fresh air. I suppose I’m trying to make sure she’s safe and comfortable for as long as I can provide for her. Image descriptions: Image 1: the bumblebee in OOP's hand Image 2: the box full of leaves and flowers Image 3: Ms. Bumble chilling on a purple flower Image 4: Chilling on a yellow flower OOP updates in a Comment: 1 hour later Went out and got some more wildflowers for her. She woke up after a nap and is having a good explore of them. She really seems to prefer the cornflowers. Image Some of OOP's Comments Commenter: What happens to them that makes their wings look like that? OOP: They don’t look like they developed properly to begin with. Either down to bad luck or deformed wing virus or similar. Commenter: I'm so invested in this little bumbler! Gotta get hourly updates as this is better than the news! OOP: (3 hours from OG post) She’s napping again. Image: Napping Commenter: Awww bless her! I absolutely love seeing the bees in me garden flying flower to flower! Have you given her a name yet or do you not bother? You could name her after her favourite flowers that you picked? OOP: I’ve just had her out on my hand in the sunshine and she had a good preening session. I’m calling her Beelinda Commenter: I'm holding back tears for a tiny little bee I'll never meet, and how good you're making her short little life. She'd never have made it long in the wild, and you're such a kind person for taking care of Beelinda. OOP: I checked on her about 20 minutes ago. She’s fast asleep under a leaf, having dug herself a little nest. Update Comment: June 11, 2025 (Next Day) My sadly wingless bee friend Beelinda is currently sat on my thumb warming up after having a breakfast of flower nectar and pollen. I think she's going to need a while to warm up properly. I'll be kitting her bee terrarium out properly today with some more flowers and other things for her to climb around and dig into. Image My cuppa and her flower for an early morning pick me up Update Post: June 11, 2025 (Same Day as comment) Title: Wingless bumblebee living her best life. Yesterday, I rescued a bumblebee who’s suffering from deformed wing virus and would likely not survive in the wild. I’ve now gone all out on her little bee sanctuary - fresh flowers, soil, compost, twigs, bark and grass cuttings to nest in. There’s also a sugar water soaked kitchen roll (you can just about see her having a drink from it in the top left corner). She’s been having a good explore all day and is currently digging a nest underneath the cornflowers in the bottom left corner. She loves basking in the sunshine when it comes out from behind the clouds and I have been remiss at work as I keep stopping to just watch her go about her beesiness. Image Comments: Top Commenter: I saw your post yesterday, yer a good egg doing this. You've made her an air bee & bee. OOP: Had I awards to give, you would have one for that. Commenter: I feel like I’m playing Where’s Wally. Where’s the bee? OOP: Top left, just hanging onto the bottom of the kitchen roll. Commenter: How am I this invested in the comings and goings of a disabled bumblebee? OOP: She’s had a really good explore of her home. She got a bit annoyed at me when I tried to lift her out so I could add more grass cuttings. Image Commenter: Not to want to want to bring the mood down, but you seem to know a lot about bees. Is this something that could/will shorten a bees life if it has this issue? Is it capable of having a long and fulfilling life in your fantastic air bee and bee? Great work by the way. OOP: Left alone, the bee would typically die in a day or so if it was fully symptomatic. If, like this one, it seems mostly OK aside from the deformed wings, it could live a near normal lifespan if it has access to food and water (around 2-3 weeks). DWV [deformed wing virus] can cause other issues like incomplete or lame limbs, but she seems to have full use of all hers and shows no signs of cognitive issues either, which can be another symptom. She seems to be showing all the normal bumblebee behaviours and doesn’t seem to be in distress. It’s pretty much fatal and not pleasant in honey bees, but in bumblebees it’s not necessarily a fatal illness, just a debilitating one that leads to starving to death as they can’t reach flowers to feed on. Commenter: That seems to be the best news in the circumstances then! This lucky bee seems to have stumbled upon the best person to care for her. Thank you for your explanation! OOP: There’s no guarantees with DWV, I could wake up tomorrow and she’s not with us any more, or she could live for a couple more weeks. I’m just trying to make whatever time she has as comfortable as I can Commenter: This is really interesting, thanks! Is it likely she is in anyway stressed by being unable to exhibit her natural behaviour? On an instinctual level I guess, given she’s an insect! OOP: Hard to tell, but stressed bumblebees tend to climb as high as they can or run in circles and she’s not shown any of those behaviours. She’s also happy to climb on my hand and nap. Mini Update Comment: June 12, 2025 (Next Day, 2 from OG post) I need to replace some of the flowers as they're spent, but she's enjoying the sugar water damp kitchen roll for breakfast. Image Update Post 3: June 12, 2025 (Same day as comment) Title: Beelinda update (day 3) She’s up and about before me, so I replaced her sugar water kitchen roll breakfast pick me up, which she made a bee-line for. I’m going to be replacing the flowers later this morning - all aside from those 3 in the bottom corner as she dragged those there herself and that’s her nest where she goes to bed at night. It’s adorable watching the large pale blue one slowly rise and fall as she “breathes” (bees move their abdomen to pump air through their bodies instead of having lungs like we do). She always makes a careful inventory of the new flowers I bring her, visiting each one on turn and deciding if she likes it or not. Yellow ones are a definite pass - purple and blue and the favourites. She still likes to climb on my hand from time to time when she’s not napping, feeding or exploring. Although yesterday she climbed up my arm, and then pooped onto my shirt. She then got a case of the zoomies and I had to be careful as she ran all up my arm, along my back, down my leg and back again. Image: Beelinda in her flowers One of OOP's Comments: Commenter: TIL bees get the zoomies. OOP: Not sure all bees do, but most of them will burn a lot of energy flying. She can’t, so she has to burn it off somehow. Mini Update Comment: June 13, 2025 (Next Day, 3 days from OG post) Here she is having a last minute feed just before she dug herself a new nest in the top left corner as I think she can sense the thunderstorm coming. Image Update Post 4: June 14, 2025 (Next Day, 4 from OG post- recovered) Last night, she’s went on a bit of a feeding frenzy around 6pm, had a bout of the zoomies and then buried herself in the deepest part of her sanctuary. I think she could sense the rain coming. Sadly, Mother Nature had other ideas and the promised thunderstorms never happened, but we did get a bit of rain. This morning she’s up and about having another feed, she got a bit frantic when I grabbed my cuppa and sat next to her sanctuary, so I let her climb onto my finger and she ran around all over my arm and head - I had to carefully extricate her from my hair - and she’s now back in her nest area having a rest. It’s sad watching her exercise her flight muscles to warm up and hopefully take flight, knowing her wings will never work, but I also know she’s part doing it to warm up and help pump air into her body. Image Some of OOP's Comments: On OOP making their own sub: I already have r/Cordials - that’s more than enough for me Commenter: I hope Beelinda knows that I love her. If not, could you tell her please? OOP: I gave her a drop of sugar water for you Image: Beelinda eating up some sugar water Update Comment: June 15, 2025 (Next Day, 5 from OG post) Beelinda was up and about early this morning and was in a right huff when she realised her sugar water station was dry. Caught her going up, having a sniff and then walking off, about to dig back into her nest. I got it refreshed with new paper and water and she zoomed back over for an early morning pick-me-up before having a bit of proper breakfast on the lavender and cornflowers. She's also a right little madam and will have a right strop when I take her out so I can clean and refresh her home with new grass and flowers. When she gets back in, she'll make a point of gesturing to me (raising up on her back legs and waving her front legs at me) for me to pick her up. When I do, she poos on me. Then she'll have another flower meal and a bout of zoomies before a nap. Image Some of OOP's Comments: Commenter: I am in awe of you. Not many people would take the trouble to make a nice home for a disabled bee. OOP: It’s been interesting being so close to a bee for this amount of time - I’ve learnt a lot about her behaviour and I am definitely noticing a personality as well. Mini Update in Comments: June 16, 2025 (Next Day, 6 days from OG post) Beelinda has discovered a fun new game. After having a feed, she gestures to get lifted up. Once she’s on my hand, she deliberately falls over o to her back so I have to tip her the right way up again. Repeat about 20 times. Image Final Update: June 16, 2025 (3 hours later, 6 days from OG post) Beelinda died this morning at 10am. She had a lovely morning with fresh flowers and a play on my hand and arm first thing. After that, she seemed to start to struggle to move and then began to slowly curl up - a sure sign she was on her way. I tried to make her a comfortable as I could in her final moments and then surrounded her with flowers once she had finally stopped moving. She had a Viking funeral in her sanctuary in the back garden. Bumblebees with DWV only tend to live for a couple of days - she lived for a week with me in as much comfort as I could provide for her. She had a definite personality and always wanted to climb on my hand when she saw me. I'm going to miss her. Image 1: Beelinda Image 2: Beelinda in OOP's hand Image 3: Closeup of Beelinda on some purple flowers Image 4: Another closeup Image 5: Beelinda hanging under the purple flowers Image 6: Beelinda surrounded by flowers as her final resting place Image 6: the viking funeral Some of OOP's Comments: Commenter: Can I please send you a small gift for a beer or gift on Amazon? OOP: Thanks for the offer, but donate to https://www.bumblebeeconservation.org in her memory if you want to. Commenter: Just signed up as a family! OOP: I have been a member and a volunteer there for a while now. They are a spectacularly worthwhile charity doing really good work. To a deleted commenter: Thank you fellow bee saver. I knew when I found her that she may only live a few days, but that those days deserved to be as nice as possible and not slowly starving to death on a pavement. She would go mad when I brought new flowers, carefully inspecting each one in turn and then picking one or two to feed from. Then she’s have a clean and rise up on her back legs to wave at me - her way of indicating she wanted to be picked up. She’d chill out on my hand for a while and then buzz her vestigial wings to say she wanted to go zoomies. I’d put her back in the sanctuary and she’d zoom about like a mad thing. Then she’s bury herself in the grass and straw for a nap. She had such a personality and playful way about her. It’s actually made me quite sad now she’s gone. Commenter (with the this is fine dog meme): Beelinda waking up from her nap to a viking funeral: OOP: You jest, and it has brought some levity to the thread, so thanks. You can tell when a bumblebee is no longer with us - they curl up with their legs usually tucked in and their abdomen no longer “breathes”. They don’t have lungs like we do, but a series of tiny holes in their bodies that lets air in. They move their abdomens to help move air around their bodies to breathe, even when asleep. Commenter: I abeeciate the fun fact. For clarity, I didn't doubt she had passed. I've loved these posts too, been fun to read. OOP: Every day is a learning day. The more people learn about these gorgeous creatures and their lifecycles, the better. Commenter: That's the most extraordinary thing to me: that a human being and a bumblebee could have a real relationship that included communication (Beelinda waved her front legs, which you understood as her wanting to be picked up). Beautiful. OOP: She invented a game we could play together too. When she was on my hand, she’d tip herself over backwards and wait for me to tip her back the right way up. We’d do it several times. It took a fair bit of effort for her to tip backwards, so it wasn’t accidental and she’d keep doing it. It’s also not a thing bumblebees do normally. One last thought from OOP: You are never truly gone until nobody remembers you any more. Long may she live on. submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRABluffCalled Originally posted to r/relationship_advice Husband, 37M, attempted to manipulate me, 35F. I called his bluff. Now what? Trigger Warnings: emotional abuse and manipulation, verbal abuse, past trauma, suicidal ideation/threats, self-harm, threats of gun violence, assault Mood Spoilers: miraculously positive for OOP Original Post: November 27, 2024 Throwaway because my family uses Reddit! I, 35F, have been married to my husband, 37M, for 5 1/2 years, and we have an 18mo daughter. We have generally had a good marriage, but have repeatedly had the same two arguments for 3+ years. The first argument is that I work full time, pay 85% of our bills and do all of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry, running of the household, etc. He also works full time, but after work comes home and immediately takes his work clothes off, throws them on the couch in my living room and goes into the family room to watch YouTube. I have repeatedly asked for help and get the run around. The second is that he has a small porn addiction and suffers from premature ejaculation. An issue in itself but not our main problem currently. The last week and a half or so, I had been running 80 miles an hour getting ready for the holiday this week. I was cleaning the house, washing the bedding in the guest room, cleaning the fridge, doing all the bits and pieces that you need to do to host family for Thanksgiving. I was also doing all of my daily things as well. For example on a typical day, I wake up make sure his, mine, and the baby's lunches are packed, she's dressed for daycare, my work bag is packed, drive to work. After work I drive to the daycare to pick up baby girl, often taking meetings via phone on the commute. Do any errands that need done (grocery, Costco, pharmacy, etc) come home, immediately breastfeed the baby, start dinner so we can eat once he’s home, give the baby a bath, let her play while I clean off the table, do the dishes, clean the kitchen, tidy up, feed her again, get her to sleep and then finally take a shower myself! It’s basic daily tasks, but I don’t stop until 9-10 at night. Last week I asked again for help but was told that he needed the break because he is tired. I naturally told him that I never get a break and I'm tired too and need help with the house and if he can't contribute half financially he can at least contribute half of the cleaning. He shut down and just gave me the silent treatment for 2 days, then asked me if I wanted to go to his mother's house with him and the baby. I said only if he wasn't going to ignore me the whole time. That was the match that lit the fuse. He EXPLODED. Evidently I have done nothing but bitch for the last 3 years, he hates cleaning and isn't going to do it, that if him contributing is such a big deal then we should divorce. I asked him to explain what that looks like to him. He said "I'll get an apartment and sign the house over to you, refinance it in your name. We'll split custody 50/50 and split her expenses 50/50 as well". He then stormed out of the house and went to his mother's until about 1AM. He again gave me the silent treatment for 2 days. The other day I asked him how his apartment hunting was going and he said "what?" I told him I thought he was right, I had been bitching about this for 3 years, I'm miserable and he's not helping make my life easier. That I agreed divorce is the best option and that I would rather separate as friends and be good coparents than grow to hate him and feel stuck in a toxic marriage. He then said "I only said that to scare you into shutting up." Basically he attempted to emotionally abuse/manipulate me to get his way. As someone who grew up in a toxic and abusive childhood, this immediately shut me down emotionally. Like I look at him and I feel nothing. He is trying now to get back in my good graces, bringing flowers, chocolates... and all it does is make me angrier. I need advice. Is the fact that he tried to manipulate me and ADMITTED it a valid reason for me to just want to shut this down? Because I have to be honest, I'm tempted to ruin Thanksgiving. I don't know if I'm just angry and reacting out of that or if I am truly at the end of my rope. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Follow through and give him that divorce. You are already taking care of everything, it'll be easier without him in the house with you. And you'll at least get a break during his custody time. I'm honestly just surprised you had a child with him if this has been a problem for 3+ years. OOP: Ha! That was my thought too. And you are right, at first it didn’t seem like a huge issue, and it was only a couple months after I started bringing it up that I got pregnant. Now it’s like he thinks I’m trapped and have to put up with scraps. Commenter 2: He's not just manipulating you - he's exploiting you. You're carrying the financial burden, all household responsibilities, childcare, AND he tried to use divorce as a weapon when you asked for basic partnership. His admission that he was trying to "scare you into shutting up" shows he views your valid needs as an inconvenience to be silenced. You're already functioning as a single parent while bankrolling his lifestyle. The only difference is you have an adult dependent who throws his clothes on your couch and watches YouTube while you exhaust yourself. The flowers and chocolates now aren't remorse - they're panic because his emotional blackmail didn't work. You're not overreacting; you're finally seeing clearly. When someone tells you they'd rather divorce than contribute to their own household, and then admits they were just trying to scare you into compliance - believe that revelation. He's showing you he prioritizes his comfort over your wellbeing and will use emotional warfare to maintain it. You're not angry because of the manipulation attempt - you're angry because it exposed the fundamental disrespect at the core of your marriage. He contributes minimally financially, does nothing domestically, and when confronted, tries to weaponize divorce to silence you. The flowers aren't going to fix this level of betrayal. Commenter 3: He wants 50/50 custody yet cannot manage 50/50 parenting with the other parent in the home. If he's somehow granted 50% custody he is in for a massive shock. Commenter 4: Good. Let him learn. This man fucked around and it's find-out time. OP, you've called a lawyer, right? You need to get the drop on him for filing before his mommy does it for him. And congratulations on your upcoming liberation from the sad freeloading limp dick you're married to. OOP: I have an appointment with one next week for a consult. And what makes me laugh is my SIL knows about the issue and 100% thinks his mom and dad are going to be angry with him. Evidently they have told him he needs to step up previously. OOP explains why her husband only was paying 15% of the bills? OOP: I make double what he makes. So I put down the money for the house. He pays half the mortgage, I pay literally everything else, from utilities to daily living expenses. The other half off the mortgage would hurt, but I could pay it on my own and still have disposable income. Commenter 5: He bought you flowers and chocolates?? You mean he didn't get on his hands and knees and scrub the floors, do the washing. Get the shopping in. Bath the baby. Apply for better paid jobs??? He got flowers and chocolates in response to this? Jeez OOP: I’d settle for using the swiffer honestly. That’s why the chocolates make me so angry! It’s just an avoidance and an “I did something” to try and excuse himself Commenter 6: You don't need permission to leave but here it is anyway: you have permission to leave this really toxic situation and you will probably be happier without him dragging you down. OOP: I don’t know why this comment made me cry, but it did. I think I did need permission to leave. I feel selfish for wanting more and breaking the family. I was raised in a family where divorce wasn’t an option. Now I have cut off my family and don’t have that additional pressure but I guess old wounds still fester. Does OOP's husband do any tasks at home? OOP: He mows the front year and takes the garbage out to the curb. He will empty the recycling bin if it’s full. As far as parenting, he will be in the room with her while she plays, but no real interaction. He does take her to daycare in the morning because it’s on the way to his job. How did OOP and her husband meet? OOP: He found me online. Then turned out I was friends with his brother’s wife already and we had just never met. What do OOP and her husband do for the living? OOP: I work in a corporate job and he is currently courier.   Update: May 14, 2025 (5.5 months later) TW: suicidal ideation/threats, self harm Link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/8hrvRGD9mT Hi y’all! It’s been a while since I posted, but I wanted to let things play out and give you a full update. Firstly, I wanted to say thank you to all of you who responded and gave encouragement, you helped more than you know. I did it! I filed for divorce, our divorce should be final mid-June! He fought it for a few months, but finally seems to see that I can’t move on and I won’t let him rug sweep it anymore. He is still talking about hoping for a future reconciliation, but I told him that honestly without massive amounts of therapy for both of us, I don’t see much hope there. Honestly, once he accepted that I wasn’t giving in and that the divorce was real, he was very agreeable to discussing terms and working with me on custody arrangements, housing, etc. That’s not to say we didn’t have our drama, lord knows we did. Fortunately, nothing too physical towards me, he grabbed me a few times trying to force me to stay in a room to get yelled at, but I set him straight real quick there. His threats were mostly towards self harm. The first time was back in February. He was still in denial that I had filed and was very angry about “losing the best things in his life”. He threatened to go downstairs and take his own life. Because I’m stubborn as the day is long and don’t have the sense God gave a goose I followed him down there. I ended up wrestling his gun away and locking myself and the toddler in the bedroom. I should have called the police. I still don’t know why I didn’t. Instead I called his brother and told him to come get him. They did and the next day I took the gun (that was unloaded and NEVER had ammo because he was manipulating me again) to his parents and said if that gun made another appearance in my home or around my child I would ensure he was never around her again. It hasn’t been seen since. A few weeks later, on their bday (toddler and stbx share a bday) he jumped off my two story deck after my daughter’s bday party. I didn’t see it, I came down the hall and our 2 yo said “Mama, Daddy fall”. I walked outside and he was kneeling by my lawnmower, said he was fixing it. Obviously, my 2 yo hasn’t learned to lie yet. I text my friend and said “I’m pretty sure he just jumped off the deck. He doesn’t seem hurt but idk what to do.” As I hit send I hear him on the deck talking to our kid. I looked out the door and he’s leaning off the edge obviously about to jump again. I LOST it. It probably wasn’t the appropriate thing to say, and I probably am a terrible person for saying it, but it worked and I don’t regret it. I told him, “So help me God, if you jump off this deck and die, I will move and your family will likely only see her once a year. You jump off this deck and live and I guarantee you will never see her unsupervised again. You step back over that railing and get both feet on this deck right now, or I swear to God, I’ll make sure of it.” He stepped back on the deck pretty quickly. He of course wanted to then argue about how I am driving him to this. How he doesn’t deserve to be left alone. I’m breaking his heart. I reminded him he spent the last almost 4 years now breaking my heart and spirit and I was done having this conversation. As I turned to walk away, this man grabbed my wrist to force me to turn around. I already had my phone in my hand and I never called 911 so fast. The police showed up and took him to the hospital for a psych evaluation. I was under the impression that a suicide attempt in this state required a 72 hour hold. They released him after 2 hours, suggesting he talk to a therapist. I didn’t want to involve the police, I tried to avoid it, but I kind of wish I had involved them earlier. He has been much more docile and accepting since. No more grabbing, no more threats. We still argue, but at least the worst part seems to have disappeared. It helps that even his parents are telling him “She called the cops on you, she’s crazy, let her go.” I’m fine with being labeled the crazy one. I’ve been called worse by better people. TLDR: Little bit of drama, but everything is going good now and divorce SHOULD be final in mid June!! Send good vibes!! Thank you again. Y’all were the voice of reason I needed, and you have no idea how many times I read those comments when I needed encouragement and felt like I had no one in my corner. Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: May be good to document all of these actions with your attorney. And that he be required to have supervised visitation for the foreseeable future, regardless of how he is acting now. He still doesn't sound mentally stable enough to be a sole parent during his time with your child, or beyond some other action such as abducting your kid. Sorry you've gone through all this. But I think your child's safety should be your paramount thoughts. OOP: Absolutely! Have made sure everything is documented and ensured he is in fact seeing a therapist. Fortunately, his time with our kid happens with his parents present, as he is staying there for now. They might not like me very much right now, but I trust them. They have made it very clear that I’m still family to them. Commenter 2: I’m glad you are aiming to be free. But from reading that my heart and stomach plummeted. Especially when you said he is now more docile and accepting. This particular time is now the most dangerous for you and your daughter. He’s unstable and has access to a gun. You need to insist he’s never unsupervised around her. You need to stop being around him. I really hope I’m proven wrong here but everything is pointing to him escalating. Commenter 3: I’m proud of you for getting out. You gave him more chances than most would, and his own actions sealed the deal. He weaponized threats, manipulated your emotions, refused to contribute as a partner, and tried to keep control even through the divorce. You stayed strong through it all, for yourself and your daughter. Here’s to your peace, your freedom, and your future.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ThrowRABluffCalled posting in r/relationship_advice Concluded as per OOP Content Warning - suicidal ideation/threats, self harm 1 update - Medium Original - 27th November 2024 Update - 14th May 2025 Husband, 37M, attempted to manipulate me, 35F. I called his bluff. Now what? Throwaway because my family uses Reddit! I, 35F, have been married to my husband, 37M, for 5 1/2 years, and we have an 18mo daughter. We have generally had a good marriage, but have repeatedly had the same two arguments for 3+ years. The first argument is that I work full time, pay 85% of our bills and do all of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry, running of the household, etc. He also works full time, but after work comes home and immediately takes his work clothes off, throws them on the couch in my living room and goes into the family room to watch YouTube. I have repeatedly asked for help and get the run around. The second is that he has a small porn addiction and suffers from premature ejaculation. An issue in itself but not our main problem currently. The last week and a half or so, I had been running 80 miles an hour getting ready for the holiday this week. I was cleaning the house, washing the bedding in the guest room, cleaning the fridge, doing all the bits and pieces that you need to do to host family for Thanksgiving. I was also doing all of my daily things as well. For example on a typical day, I wake up make sure his, mine, and the baby's lunches are packed, she's dressed for daycare, my work bag is packed, drive to work. After work I drive to the daycare to pick up baby girl, often taking meetings via phone on the commute. Do any errands that need done (grocery, Costco, pharmacy, etc) come home, immediately breastfeed the baby, start dinner so we can eat once he’s home, give the baby a bath, let her play while I clean off the table, do the dishes, clean the kitchen, tidy up, feed her again, get her to sleep and then finally take a shower myself! It’s basic daily tasks, but I don’t stop until 9-10 at night. Last week I asked again for help but was told that he needed the break because he is tired. I naturally told him that I never get a break and I'm tired too and need help with the house and if he can't contribute half financially he can at least contribute half of the cleaning. He shut down and just gave me the silent treatment for 2 days, then asked me if I wanted to go to his mother's house with him and the baby. I said only if he wasn't going to ignore me the whole time. That was the match that lit the fuse. He EXPLODED. Evidently I have done nothing but bitch for the last 3 years, he hates cleaning and isn't going to do it, that if him contributing is such a big deal then we should divorce. I asked him to explain what that looks like to him. He said "I'll get an apartment and sign the house over to you, refinance it in your name. We'll split custody 50/50 and split her expenses 50/50 as well". He then stormed out of the house and went to his mother's until about 1AM. He again gave me the silent treatment for 2 days. The other day I asked him how his apartment hunting was going and he said "what?" I told him I thought he was right, I had been bitching about this for 3 years, I'm miserable and he's not helping make my life easier. That I agreed divorce is the best option and that I would rather separate as friends and be good coparents than grow to hate him and feel stuck in a toxic marriage. He then said "I only said that to scare you into shutting up." Basically he attempted to emotionally abuse/manipulate me to get his way. As someone who grew up in a toxic and abusive childhood, this immediately shut me down emotionally. Like I look at him and I feel nothing. He is trying now to get back in my good graces, bringing flowers, chocolates... and all it does is make me angrier. I need advice. Is the fact that he tried to manipulate me and ADMITTED it a valid reason for me to just want to shut this down? Because I have to be honest, I'm tempted to ruin Thanksgiving. I don't know if I'm just angry and reacting out of that or if I am truly at the end of my rope. Comments Champion_Flight He's not just manipulating you - he's exploiting you. You're carrying the financial burden, all household responsibilities, childcare, AND he tried to use divorce as a weapon when you asked for basic partnership. His admission that he was trying to "scare you into shutting up" shows he views your valid needs as an inconvenience to be silenced. You're already functioning as a single parent while bankrolling his lifestyle. The only difference is you have an adult dependent who throws his clothes on your couch and watches YouTube while you exhaust yourself. The flowers and chocolates now aren't remorse - they're panic because his emotional blackmail didn't work. You're not overreacting; you're finally seeing clearly. When someone tells you they'd rather divorce than contribute to their own household, and then admits they were just trying to scare you into compliance - believe that revelation. He's showing you he prioritizes his comfort over your wellbeing and will use emotional warfare to maintain it. You're not angry because of the manipulation attempt - you're angry because it exposed the fundamental disrespect at the core of your marriage. He contributes minimally financially, does nothing domestically, and when confronted, tries to weaponize divorce to silence you. The flowers aren't going to fix this level of betrayal. Amk9519 He wants 50/50 custody yet cannot manage 50/50 parenting with the other parent in the home. If he's somehow granted 50% custody he is in for a massive shock. Top_Put1541 Good. Let him learn. This man fucked around and it's find-out time. u/ThrowRABluffCalled, you've called a lawyer, right? You need to get the drop on him for filing before his mommy does it for him. And congratulations on your upcoming liberation from the sad freeloading limp dick you're married to. OOP: I have an appointment with one next week for a consult. And what makes me laugh is my SIL knows about the issue and 100% thinks his mom and dad are going to be angry with him. Evidently they have told him he needs to step up previously. Routine_Hotel_1172 I'm telling you from experience, you are gonna feel AMAZING when you have ditched this arsehole. Coming home to a house that isn't used as a hotel by an overgrown child, not having to pander to his sulking, and just knowing you can raise your child in a healthy environment. They make you feel like a new person. **Judgement - NTA*\* Update - 6 months later Hi y’all! It’s been a while since I posted, but I wanted to let things play out and give you a full update. Firstly, I wanted to say thank you to all of you who responded and gave encouragement, you helped more than you know. I did it! I filed for divorce, our divorce should be final mid-June! He fought it for a few months, but finally seems to see that I can’t move on and I won’t let him rug sweep it anymore. He is still talking about hoping for a future reconciliation, but I told him that honestly without massive amounts of therapy for both of us, I don’t see much hope there. Honestly, once he accepted that I wasn’t giving in and that the divorce was real, he was very agreeable to discussing terms and working with me on custody arrangements, housing, etc. That’s not to say we didn’t have our drama, lord knows we did. Fortunately, nothing too physical towards me, he grabbed me a few times trying to force me to stay in a room to get yelled at, but I set him straight real quick there. His threats were mostly towards self harm. The first time was back in February. He was still in denial that I had filed and was very angry about “losing the best things in his life”. He threatened to go downstairs and take his own life. Because I’m stubborn as the day is long and don’t have the sense God gave a goose I followed him down there. I ended up wrestling his gun away and locking myself and the toddler in the bedroom. I should have called the police. I still don’t know why I didn’t. Instead I called his brother and told him to come get him. They did and the next day I took the gun (that was unloaded and NEVER had ammo because he was manipulating me again) to his parents and said if that gun made another appearance in my home or around my child I would ensure he was never around her again. It hasn’t been seen since. A few weeks later, on their bday (toddler and stbx share a bday) he jumped off my two story deck after my daughter’s bday party. I didn’t see it, I came down the hall and our 2 yo said “Mama, Daddy fall”. I walked outside and he was kneeling by my lawnmower, said he was fixing it. Obviously, my 2 yo hasn’t learned to lie yet. I text my friend and said “I’m pretty sure he just jumped off the deck. He doesn’t seem hurt but idk what to do.” As I hit send I hear him on the deck talking to our kid. I looked out the door and he’s leaning off the edge obviously about to jump again. I LOST it. It probably wasn’t the appropriate thing to say, and I probably am a terrible person for saying it, but it worked and I don’t regret it. I told him, “So help me God, if you jump off this deck and die, I will move and your family will likely only see her once a year. You jump off this deck and live and I guarantee you will never see her unsupervised again. You step back over that railing and get both feet on this deck right now, or I swear to God, I’ll make sure of it.” He stepped back on the deck pretty quickly. He of course wanted to then argue about how I am driving him to this. How he doesn’t deserve to be left alone. I’m breaking his heart. I reminded him he spent the last almost 4 years now breaking my heart and spirit and I was done having this conversation. As I turned to walk away, this man grabbed my wrist to force me to turn around. I already had my phone in my hand and I never called 911 so fast. The police showed up and took him to the hospital for a psych evaluation. I was under the impression that a suicide attempt in this state required a 72 hour hold. They released him after 2 hours, suggesting he talk to a therapist. I didn’t want to involve the police, I tried to avoid it, but I kind of wish I had involved them earlier. He has been much more docile and accepting since. No more grabbing, no more threats. We still argue, but at least the worst part seems to have disappeared. It helps that even his parents are telling him “She called the cops on you, she’s crazy, let her go.” I’m fine with being labeled the crazy one. I’ve been called worse by better people. TLDR: Little bit of drama, but everything is going good now and divorce SHOULD be final in mid June!! Send good vibes!! Thank you again. Y’all were the voice of reason I needed, and you have no idea how many times I read those comments when I needed encouragement and felt like I had no one in my corner. Comments nello- I’m glad you are aiming to be free. But from reading that my heart and stomach plummeted. Especially when you said he is now more docile and accepting. This particular time is now the most dangerous for you and your daughter. He’s unstable and has access to a gun. You need to insist he’s never unsupervised around her. You need to stop being around him. I really hope I’m proven wrong here but everything is pointing to him escalating. Impossible-Dark7044 May be good to document all of these actions with your attorney. And that he be required to have supervised visitation for the foreseeable future, regardless of how he is acting now. He still doesn't sound mentally stable enough to be a sole parent during his time with your child, or beyond some other action such as abducting your kid. Sorry you've gone through all this. But I think your child's safety should be your paramount thoughts. OOP: Absolutely! Have made sure everything is documented and ensured he is in fact seeing a therapist. Fortunately, his time with our kid happens with his parents present, as he is staying there for now. They might not like me very much right now, but I trust them. They have made it very clear that I’m still family to them. I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments submitted by /u/SharkEva to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Any-Assault in r/Infidelity trigger warnings: Infidelity, pain and anguish, gaslighting, graphic sexual descriptions, regretful spouse obsessed with reconciliation mood spoilers: OP files for divorce, removes all chance of reconciliation with STBX wife, STBX moves in with parents and cries a lot, OP is looking hopeful to the future Note: the saga up until this point is over 100,000 characters/60 pages long with just the posts. OP also replies to many comments which add more context to his actions. The posts here are mostly summarized, but view the full posts to get more insight on specific events and mindsets.   I Discovered My Wife (28F) Of 7 Years Is Cheating On Me (30M). She Doesn't Know That I Know - Dec 15, 2024 TLDR; OP is 30M and married to Emily 28F. They've been together since high school and have had a great marriage up until now. Emily is a successful hair and makeup artist who owns her own business which mostly caters to weddings. A lot of her success is due to John, 40sM, a wealthy local business owner who has sent her a lot of work and contacts OP sees a message preview from John to Emily about how "incredible" the previous night was (Emily had "worked late"). OP then finds more evidence of other meetings, and discovers expensive jewelry and clothes which he had not purchased and written off as gifts from high-end clients. OP also realizes Emily does not love John but enjoys the lavish gifts and perks he provides. She never replies to John's loving messages, reminds John he should love his wife, and still treats OP as a loving best friend. OP is broken and will file for divorce. Emily is unaware he knows about the affair.   Update 1 - Jan 22, 2025 (5 weeks later) OP asks Emily CYA questions about their relationship and she admits he has never abused her or cheated on her and she wishes they made love more. They spend Christmas at her parents house, and a gift arrives for Emily from "Santa" with a very expensive gold bracelet. Emily is visibly annoyed and tells everyone it is from a bridal client. She later has an angry phone call while gesticulating wildly. On New Years Eve, Emily has to work late to deal with a "bridezilla" but promises to be back for their annual kiss-at-midnight tradition. She arrives at 1:30 AM sobbing profusely. OP asks what happened and she says she is just sad because she missed their kiss: "I asked her if she had anything else to tell me. She assured me that she didn't. I asked her point blank then if she cheated on me. She swore up and down that she didn't and that she was upset because she missed the countdown because since we have been married we always kissed each other when the clock struck midnight. I gave her every opportunity to come clean and she still lied to me." OP begins searching for attorneys while Emily is still unaware he knows.   Update 2 - Feb 1, 2025 (9 days later) OP finds new communications from Emily warning John OP suspects something. Emily tells John they need to stop and it is "not fun anymore" and she doesn't want to lose her marriage. John mentions she should still use the credit card he gave her to hide their activities. Emily also messages her best friend, Bev, who has known of the affair and apparently has supported Emily through it. OP finds a good attorney and his dad helps pay for it. The attorney says the next step is find a PI to get more evidence and the attorney will subpoena the credit card. She also recommends beginning therapy. Emily love bombs OP and talks about starting a family. OP has complicated emotions switching between anger/disgust and missing/wanting her. But overall he is miserable. Emily now suspects he knows something.   Update 3 - Feb 18, 2025 (17 days later) OP hires a PI who then follows John. On Valentine's Day, John leaves flowers and a card at Emily's business. Emily throws them in the dumpster and the PI retrieves them. The card has graphic details of their affair, e.g. John trying to win her back by describing his favorite parts of her body and what he does with them. The PI later sees Emily meet with John in a parking lot and seemingly end the affair. Emily will be served soon. OP begins love bombing her to show her what she will lose. OP has determined he is completely ghosting her once she is served.   Update 4 - Feb 22, 2025 (5 days later) TLDR; Emily is served at her business and she freaks out. OP sends a letter to family and friends describing her affair and includes John's graphic letter. He then messages Bev's husband and lets him know that Bev supported the affair. OP leaves a note to Emily, lawyer contact info, and photos of her affair then leaves the house before Emily arrives. Emily messages him over and over saying they were supposed to get through this and she loves him. He ghosts her. Emily now knows he knows. This is major event so OP's post is included here: "I left Emily. We got the divorce papers (summons, petition, standing orders, etc). The PI, acting in his capacity as a process server, wore a body cam for obvious professional reasons and I was able to look at the footage when he came by my hotel room later on in the afternoon. The PI walked up to Emily who was sitting at her station and chatting with the other stylists who work for her. He showed her a manila envelope and told her he had legal documents for her and she had been served. Emily of course looked shocked and confused and just stared at him, gobsmacked. The PI clarified that the envelope contained legal documents regarding a divorce case filed against her and he told her she should review them and contact her attorney. Then he dropped the documents at her feet with a satisfying SLAP as they hit the ground since she refused to take them and told her she's still been served. He then told her to "have a nice day" and walked out. (Morgan Freeman Narrator voice: Emily Didn't Have A Nice Day). I could hear her hyperventilating as the PI left and saying "What?? What is this??". Really, Emily? You're actually surprised? I was at home and after the PI called and said he was heading in to serve her, I called Emily's dad. Since my mom died, I had (probably unwisely) been treating her mom, my MIL, like a mother. I just couldn't talk to her. I told Emily's dad about the divorce. I tried to keep it very simple and quick. Emily cheated on me. We're getting a divorce. I'll send you an email shortly with evidence of the affair. I stressed that Emily was being served divorce papers today, so she would absolutely need their support and they should head over to our house immediately. Emily's dad acknowledged that and said that he hoped we could find a way through this and it would be a shame to break up our family. I guess Emily's mom was nearby and overheard because she took the phone from him, put it on speaker, and asked if this is true. I explained to her about the cheating and the email with the evidence they'll receive. She started crying and apologizing to me. Since this thing started she was the first person close to me who apologized to me. I was reminded of my mother, who always would comfort me when I was down, and I just BROKE, y'all. I started tearing up and croaked out "I have to go" and hung up on her while she was saying "no wait". I had packed up my work laptops and got a lot of my clothes in 2 large suitcases. On the advice of my attorney, I took down the cameras in the bathrooms and bedrooms when I left, but the cameras in the common areas can remain because my dad is the owner of the house. I packed the cameras up in my suitcases too. My lawyer sent the subpoena to the credit card company on Monday when I pulled the trigger on my marriage. I wrote an email to Emily's dad and sister and to some mutual friends who know both of us, including Bev's husband. It said: "I never thought I’d be writing this, but after everything that’s happened, I don’t see another choice. I wanted you to hear it from me directly so that there’s no confusion or misinformation. Emily has been having an affair with a man named John (Last Name). I have evidence: emails, financial records, and an investigation that confirms it. I think we all know that her bracelet gift "from santa" was not from a client, because the client would have identified themselves by name and clients don't know her parents' address. She’s been meeting John and hiding it from me for months. I know this is painful to hear, and trust me, it’s even more painful to write. But I didn’t want you to be blindsided by all of this later. I’m attaching a few things to this email that make it clear what’s been going on and to head off any of your concerns about the truth of my statements. I know this is shocking, and I don’t expect you to take sides. I just want you to have the truth. I love Emily, but she’s broken our marriage beyond repair, and I have no choice but to move forward with a divorce. (FIL's name, MIL's name, SIL's name, SIL's hubby), thank you for being like a second family to me. I will miss all of you." I wrote a similar email to John's wife and gave her my attorney's name and number if she wanted to go see the physical evidence herself. It would have to be in my lawyer's office. Personally I think my lawyer is going to try to get John's wife to give her a retainer. I also sent a group text for them to check their emails. Then I blocked Emily's family. To the email I attached a photo of John and Emily kissing goodbye in the hotel parking lot and a photo of the contents of John's valentine's day card to Emily (it was explicit). Finally I had a link to the recording of Emily saying that I didn't abuse or cheat on her. I just wanted to head that bullshit off ahead of time. [OP then goes into details on the letter to Bev's husband] I then left my wedding ring, a printed copy of the same photo of Emily and John at the hotel parking lot kissing, my lawyer's business card, and a note (thanks for your help on this, guys). The note said: "I hope your affair with John was worth our marriage. We are getting a divorce. Contact my lawyer if you have any questions or need to get in touch for arrangements regarding the divorce. Otherwise, get a lawyer and let's get this over with. If you're truly remorseful, then do me the courtesy of giving me the easiest most generous divorce possible. I loved you and I could have forgiven almost anything, except abject betrayal. I would have loved you for the rest of my life." On my way out, I got a call from Emily that I ignored. I put my phone on silent and dropped by the bank. I took out half our money from the various accounts we have. (checking, emergency, vacation fund). I have already frozen my credit. When I got to the hotel, I canceled our shared credit cards. I made arrangements to freeze our joint investment accounts so that she couldn't withdraw money from them. They're in my name. Adultery subreddit pro tip: People, if you cheat, make financial arrangements ahead of time in case you get caught. I then got a text from her. I left her on read because my lawyer told me that if she confesses to the affair over text, we can use that as more evidence for the divorce. I'm responding to her texts here only. Because it's therapeutic to me. Messing with the language/writing of her texts because I'm paranoid [Note: OP clarified that Emily used normal language in her texts and he only changed it to shorthand here to avoid her searching for her comments online and finding this post]. This is the condensed version of the past 12 hours or so. "WTF is this???" (I'm divorcing you). "Answer ur Phone! We need to talk RIGHT NOW!" (Nope. I have had enough gaslighting for a lifetime, thank you very much). This was followed up by a lot of texts demanding I call her or answer her calls (no thanks). Then the texts changed. So I presume she got home, and read the note and saw what I left. "I don't know what u think u know, but I can exp evything. It's not what u think!" (You're right, Emily. I'm a stupid idiot who'll believe anything you say). "DIVORCE??? We LOVE each other! We're supposed to work thru this mistake!" (Mistake? Oops, my wet hoo-hah fell onto John's erect wee-wee. Repeatedly. For almost a year. OOOPSY!). "Look I know I fucked up. But don't do this. Don't leave like this." (Finally, an acknowledgment of the affair over text. Zing. Right to my lawyer). "I never stopped loving u. I NEVER LOVED HIM." (ANOTHER gift from Emily. Zing. Right to my lawyer). Then, the tone changed later. "Ur overreacting. Ur acting like I never loved u, like I wasn’t trying to fix things, but U WOULDN’T LET ME.” (Fix things? OK. Build a time machine, Emily. Build a GOD DAMN TIME MACHINE). "R you just going to GHOST ur own wife??" (Consults magic 8 ball: All Signs Point To "Yes"). Then, her parents showed up at the house. HOO BOY. “WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO???” and then "U had NO RIGHT 2 involve my fam like this!!!” then followed by "R u trying 2 humiliate me?? R u trying 2 ruin my life??? Do you hate me that much now??” (Kinda? It's Complicated). After that comes a barrage of phone calls that I didn't answer. “How could u do this? How could u try 2 turn my own fam against me?” (I'm not, I'm trying to have them not turn against ME) and then “I TOLD U I NEVER LOVED HIM. I NEVER LOVED HIM.” (No one cares, honey. Least of all John). "I know u love me. I love u too! We can fix this. We can fix everything!" and then “Just tell me what 2 do. Tell me how 2 fix this. I’ll do it.” (Let me get this straight. You wiped your ass with our marriage vows and stabbed me in the back and now you want ME to tell YOU how to fix this shit?? I had to go to walmart because I forgot to pack underwear and I don't have a rich sugar daddy to buy me some fancy skivvies from Saks Fifth Avenue.) "U never loved me if u can do this 2 me.” (Fuck this shit. I am going to have to block her instead of leaving her on read. I don't think I can take this, man.) So this is how a marriage ends. No fanfare, no heroic deeds, just whining, crying, anger, and depression. Just like any other divorce, really. Only this is MY divorce and it feels like the end of the fucking world. But in reality this is all just beginning. I feel this whole process is going to take years. I hope not. My lawyer assures me that, with the evidence we have, it'll go relatively quick. Meanwhile I'm thinking "What? Relatively quick? Relative to what? Continental drift?" At this point, I just want to thank you beautiful men and women who supported and encouraged me. I'd vacuum out all your cars if I could, and clean your bathrooms. I just want a falling anvil to hit me in the head and cause amnesia like a cartoon character or a Hallmark channel movie. I know this is tonally all over the place. I keep second guessing myself if I did the right thing. I just changed my life today in a fundamental way. I'm wondering if it's a lateral move. I feel like I've moved from a warm cesspool to a cold gray rocky place. Is it an improvement? I feel like I have these scars now and the one who gave them to me is the one person in the world I trusted the most. I will NEVER forgive her. Now I have to buck up and walk it off like a real man because feelings and tears are weak and a turn off. I just want my mom."   Update 5: Emily's Letter - Feb 24, 2025 (2 days later) Emily sends an email describing the affair. She says John saved her business then began pressuring her until she gave in. It was supposed to be once but he kept pushing for more and called her ungrateful when she tried to stop. She never loved him and always loved OP and hoped their relationship would survive this. Her family has also told her she messed up and understand why OP is divorcing her. OP can't believe she is acting like a victim and doing trickle truth without mentioning how "fun" she said it was and the credit card that bought her lots of expensive things. He just wants the divorce to be finished. OP is still ghosting Emily, she has not seen or spoke with him since he said goodbye and left for work the day she was served.   Update 6: Night out with the bros - Mar 4, 2025 (7 days later) OP is staying at a friend's rental. His friends take him out and play DnD. He tries to forget about life for a while. OP's lawyer says John's wife, Lisa, contacted her. They will work together on aligning evidence for their respective divorces.   Update 7: Meeting John's wife and MIL - Mar 14, 2025 (10 days later, 3 months after first post) OP meets with John's wife, Lisa. They share timelines and evidence. On New Years, John was vacationing with Lisa and their 3 kids, then he flew home early. Lisa found video of Emily going to their house with John that night. OP meets with his MIL. He has a very close relationship with her, especially after his mother passed. She brings him groceries and homemade meals and tells him he needs to eat more. The MIL asks if reconciliation is possible and OP says the man Emily married is dead and the man who is left would treat her horribly. MIL says Emily is staying with them and spends all day crying in her room and only comes out to get water. OP suggests MIL gets her in therapy.   Update 8: Bev, Credit Card Records, and Infidelity Dodgeball. - Mar 22, 2025 (8 days later) Bev deleted all social media and OP has no idea what is going on with her. The lawyer received the credit card records of the card John gave Emily. She spent $30,000 over 9 months, including hotel dates, gifts, and even items she bought for OP. She also spent $175 at a sex superstore for John. There is a gag order, so Emily's lawyer doesn't know they have the records. The credit card records infuriate (and break) OP who calls Emily a whore with a wealthy "John". Any remaining love for Emily is gone. Emily's lawyer has reached out to set up a meeting between both groups. OP can ask one question beforehand to get a full answer. OP asks to describe what really happened on NYE.   Update 9: Lawyers - Apr 2, 2025 (10 days later) OP and his lawyer meet with Emily, MIL, and their lawyer. OP has anxiety and takes a pill which makes him happy and "floaty" during the meeting. Emily's lawyer offers terms which asks OP to try reconciliation for 9 months and then gets generous terms if they still divorce afterward. OP's lawyer say they will review it. Emily also provides a written answer about what happened on NYE. OP's lawyer brings up the credit card charges. Emily's party is shocked. Her lawyer stammers and was obviously unaware of the card. MIL shakes her head, especially at the sex store entry. Emily freaks out and nearly runs away. OP's medicine reacts and he throws up. He then offers Emily his terms which has been updated to include his fresh puke. Discussions end. Emily's lawyer drops her as a client since he was a family friend doing a favor and didn't appreciate the lies from her. Emily's written answer about NYE states that she was actually working late with a bridezilla, then John met her and he drove her to his house so he could call his family which he had just ditched on vacation. They then had unsatisfying sex and John did a power play to keep Emily after midnight so she missed her kiss with OP. Here is OP's description of the events of the day: So we had the negotiation today around 10AM. Emily as expected looked well put together but tired. She had her hair up in a carefully crafted blonde ponytail and was wearing a very short black dress with a suit jacket. Emily looked at me with a pained expression and doing her fake smile. She was shaking slightly the the whole time and taking these deep breaths periodically. She didn't say anything but she sure looked like she wanted to. Emily's mom was dressed in a nice sundress and she had done her makeup and hair (or Emily had done it). She smiled at me genuinely and reached for me but then held back like she realized I was the enemy today. I gave her a little smile and wave. [They proceed to review about Emily's proposal and other general questions to OP. OP is "floaty" throughout] My lawyer then pulled out a folder of the credit card records and put it on the table and told Emily's side that we know she had a Visa Infinite card in her name that was billed to John's wedding venue business. Emily immediately tensed up and froze, wild eyed. Emily's mom's head snapped to stare at her. Emily's lawyer cleared his throat loudly and blinked like 700 times. My lawyer started reading off hotel charges and dates and asking why those charges and dates coincided with meetings with John in her appointment book. Emily started shaking and stammering. Her lawyer instructed her to be silent. He said that they were not aware of any credit card and that they were not notified of this evidence. My lawyer told them that they were notified now and handed him another folder with copies of the credit card records. My lawyer then talked about the charges in December that included the toy store and asked if she bought me and her family Christmas gifts with the card. Emily was breathing heavy and had a nice flop sweat forming. Not a good look, Emily. Not a good look at all. Her mom said WHAT? and Emily's lawyer cleared his throat like a magician’s assistant who knows the trick is about to fail. My lawyer then asked if Emily recognized the clothes I was wearing and could she point out in the card records which charges coincided with them. Emily stood up and looked like she was about to bolt. Her lawyer looked annoyed. My lawyer then asked Emily about the $175 charge at the "(local name) sex superstore" and Emily's lawyer sighed heavily and said that he felt that the meeting has stopped being productive. Simultaneously, Emily's mom looked down at the floor, said "oh god", and got up and left the room, her hand over her mouth. Knowing my MIL, the "oh god" was more of a prayer than an expletive. (God: Sorry, I can't answer my phone right now. But if you leave your name, number, and a brief message...) At the same time the sex superstore was mentioned Emily started going crazy and saying she can explain. It's not what I think. Emily's shame has entered the chat. Floaty me just sat there like an ape researcher watching monkeys throw their shit at each other like yep this is happening. How many eggs do I have left at home? Forgot to count this morning. So I had taken the Klonopin an hour before the meeting on an empty stomach and my stomach was now filing for divorce too. I hurried over to the small trashcan, picked it up, and vomited into it. Not much came out other than the expensive bottled lawyer water I had drank earlier. Afterwards, I sat down casually like nah I didn't just vomit into a trashcan, you're seeing things while Emily was asking if I was sick and if I was OK. I ignored her. Emily started sobbing and apologizing and asked to speak with me privately while her lawyer comforted her awkwardly while shushing her and herding her out of the room, taking the folder and a copy of our offer that my lawyer launched at him as he was gathering his stuff. His face was the color of a tomato, floaty me observed. I was still sitting there after the door shut and my lawyer grabbed Emily's business records and told me that she was right, it would be a short meeting. Floaty me looked at my lawyer silently for a bit, and pointed at the vomit trashcan. "Can we make that part of our offer too?" For the first time since I met her, my lawyer started really laughing hard. Like stomach holding laughter. She said she'll mention it. As to what Emily said happened on New Years Eve, it was something I couldn't have guessed. Emily said she actually DID go to the bridezilla's get together in order to make an appearance (she was invited but not required to be there like she told me). She met John there because it was John who introduced her to the bridezilla and got her that gig. John had a business relationship with bridezilla's dad and was invited as well. John and Emily left the venue separately but met in the parking lot and John gave Emily a ride to the hotel because she had been drinking. Instead of going to the hotel, though, John insisted they go to his home instead, despite her protests. She didn’t want to antagonize him, so she went along with it but complained the whole time about getting out of there by 11:30. They went to his place, he facetimed his wife, they had very unsatisfying sex in his marital bed (her words), and she drove him back to the venue where the NYE bridezilla family get together was, which was empty by that time. She drove home, having sobered up some. Nauseating. But it's what I needed to hear. I had assumed they went to the hotel, had sex, and then again at his place. Turns out, they skipped the hotel entirely. He drove her straight to his house under the guise of needing to FaceTime his wife at midnight (and to defile their marital bed). Romantic, right? At least she didn't enjoy herself, though, right? RIGHT?? That makes ALL the difference!   Update 10: Emily's Backyard Cookout - Apr 8, 2025 (6 days later) OP is notified of a fire at his old house. He rushes there to find Emily in the backyard burning all of her expensive gifts from John. He startles her as he puts out the fire. She gives him a hug and won't let go. Its the first time they have been alone since he ghosted her. Her parents arrive and then the cops. They all scold her for the fire, but she seems happy just to see OP. Everyone leaves and OP donates the remaining items and changes the locks. Emily has started an "apology tour" and has told all friends and family the full details of her affair. She also has a new lawyer.   Update 11: Bev's Husband and Postnuptial Agreement - Apr 25, 2025 (17 days later) OP meets with Bev's husband. Bev admitted to living vicariously trough Emily's affair and asked for forgiveness from her husband. She cut all contact with Emily. He and Bev are working through things but he came close to leaving her and their relationship is strained. OP created his final terms for the divorce. One non-negotiable item is that it is an "at fault" divorce and Emily's infidelity is a matter of public record. Any person who looks her up online will see that her marriage ended due to her affair. The PI said most of his job is researching new boyfriends/girlfriends of upper class people and this type of thing ends those relationships fast. Lisa's divorce is going through and she will likely do very well, especially after Emily provided an affidavit of the entire affair. John is miserable, alone, and his kids want nothing to do with him. OP plans to write a letter to Emily explaining how reconciliation is impossible in order to reduce the lawyer back-and-forths and go straight to final negotiations.   Update 12: Letters to Emily - Apr 27, 2025 (2 days later) OP is trying to write a letter to Emily to explain how reconciliation is impossible. He goes through many variations before finding one and sending it to her. The letter states the definition of love and how she went against it time and time again. He describes how she brought another man into their relationship and continued to kiss and make love with OP even immediately after doing the same with John. What she did "wasn't just betrayal, it was defilement, it was degrading". She killed the version of OP she loved and is now trying to bargain with his ghost. It is over and they need to both move on. She receives the letter and cries uncontrollably (according to MIL). The following is the final letter he sent and the outcome: "I'm pretty sure I'm sending this one: Emily, My attorney advised me to write down why reconciliation isn’t possible. I’ve put it off not because I’m unsure, but because it’s difficult to describe what you’ve done to me in a way that might actually register with you. But I’ll try now, with as much clarity and control as I can manage. Let’s begin with something simple: a definition. Love (noun): A commitment to another person’s well-being, trust, and dignity above your own convenience, indulgence, and self-gratification. It includes honesty, protection, loyalty, and the refusal to willfully inflict harm, especially on someone who loves you. Now let’s examine the evidence. For nearly a year, you conducted a sexual relationship behind my back. You didn’t confess because you were overwhelmed by guilt. You confessed because you got caught. Even then, your story changed over and over until the facts cornered you. First it was an emotional affair. Then a mentorship. Then coercion. Then "he wouldn’t let me go." You were never honest. You were just reactive. When I confronted you on New Year's Eve, you couldn't even tell me the truth THEN. I knew the truth and you still tried to make me feel guilty and paranoid. And here’s something I need to say directly, because you've danced around it in every version you’ve given: You performed oral sex on another man and then came home and kissed me right afterwards Do you understand what that did to me? Because I think you need to. That wasn't just betrayal. That was defilement. That was degrading. That was a level of violation I didn’t know was possible inside a marriage. You brought the taste of another man’s body into our home and into my fucking mouth. You let him into my bed by proxy and into my mouth, without my knowledge or consent. There is no therapy, no contract, no prayer that can erase that. I don't think my words can adequately communicate to you how disgusted and sickened I am by this. Remember how you noticed I was losing weight towards the end of our time together? Remember how you were admiring how defined my muscles were? That wasn't working out, that was starvation and dehydration. That was not being able to keep food or water down because I thought about it all the time and it made me throw up. And then you want to tell me you love me. You want to reconcile. You want to go back to what we were. Here’s the problem, Emily: That man no longer exists. The man who loved you, trusted you, and thought you were incapable of something like this is just fucking gone. You killed him. Slowly. Repeatedly. And with a smile on your face. And the person asking for reconciliation now? You’re not talking to the same husband. You’re talking to someone else. You're talking to someone who will never again see you the way he once did. Someone who wakes up sick when he remembers how deep the lies went. Someone who has to remind himself to breathe when he thinks about where your mouth was before you kissed him. You say you want to earn back my trust. That’s not something you can earn back from a ghost. So I’ll give you the only thing that’s left: truth. You are not owed reconciliation. You are not owed negotiation. You are not even owed the benefit of the doubt. You are owed fairness, and I’ve already extended more of that than your actions warrant. If you have any respect left for me. It you have any genuine remorse, you’ll stop prolonging this shitshow. I am going to send you my best offer. Do you want to convince me of your remorse? Then tack on some more terms that are favorable to me and have no possible benefit to you. Put your money where your mouth is. Own what you did. Accept the consequences without twisting this into something mutual or negotiable. You didn’t just cheat. You desecrated something sacred. You dismantled a man and burned the wreckage. And now you want to bargain with the ashes. Don’t. Let this end with whatever grace is still possible. Go and find someone you love and respect and I will do the same." Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. submitted by /u/Lazy-Championship922 to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Forgotten_child9. She posted in r/AITAH Previous BORU post here. Some comments removed for word limit. New Update marked with ****\* Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. This is a long post. Trigger Warning:child neglect Mood Spoiler: things are better for OOP Original Post: September 10, 2024 TL; DR: My parents were married a couple of weeks ago in Hawaii and they invited my siblings and a few friends but forgot to include me in any part of the planning, the ceremony or the trip so I exposed them on social media and now they are furious. I know this seems like a weird situation, but I just feel so angry and depressed that I feel the need to vent even if no one is listening. So I (17f) was recently forgotten about on the day of my parents wedding. My parents have been together for about 25 years, but they never actually got married. That’s why when my dad (50m) proposed to my mother(49f) on their anniversary (which they have always celebrated on the date my mother found out she was pregnant with my eldest sister even tough they were already together before) everyone, including me, was elated and celebrated the occasion with great joy. This happened all the way back in February. They immediately jumped into wedding planning deciding very early on on a small event in Hawaii with just the closest family and friends for an intimate ceremony. Almost immediately my mother asked my sister (25f) to be her maid of honor, and my dad asked my brother (22m) to be his groomsman. I wasn’t surprised or offended by this; my sister had always been a mommy’s girl and they both enjoyed spending time with each other shopping and socializing so they had a very close bond and the same goes for my father and brother; they always played football together and messed around with cars; my father even trained my brother’s team for a while in middle school. That had always left me as the odd one out: I tried to insert myself on my family’s hobbies and groups that they had within our home but was always rebuffed: Maybe they could sense that my interest on their activities wasn’t all that genuine or maybe they just didn’t care. Either way I was used to being the last and least important member of my family. Mom had sis and dad had bro, my parents had each other and my two siblings were closer to each other than they ever were to me, leaving me very lonely and isolated in my own home. During the preparation for the wedding initially it was suggested that I be the flower girl, but my sister thought that role would be more appropriate for her daughter (3f) so that idea was quickly tossed away. Later on my maternal grandmother suggested that I might read a poem or do a little bit of a speech during the ceremony, but both my parents refused because they wanted the wedding to be “low key”, and they didn’t think a “cheesy and sappy speech would fit their vision” (their literal words). I was still okay with all of this even though it hurt to know I would be the only member of the family to not actually be part of the wedding party or have any role at all on the day. As the day approached my parents and siblings got more and more caught up on all the wedding planning. I noticed my mom didn’t invite me dress shopping and that whenever they would have discussions about the venue or the event I was left out so I decided to see if they would realize that I wasn’t being involved at all and kept quiet, waiting for them to ask me something, anything, about the wedding but that never happened. The wedding was set for three weeks ago, the end of august. The day before the departure my mother casually asked if I had my luggage ready because we couldn’t be late to the airport. I bluntly told her that I hadn’t prepared anything. She got confused for a second and then snapped at me for not being prepared. I then asked her if I even had a ticket and her face went pale. Yep, they hadn’t even bought me a ticket and I’m not even sure if I had a room or any accommodations once there. Even though I was the only person in my family without an stable income (I work as a part-time baby-sitter) my parents had bought first class tickets for my siblings and the couple other friends that were attending the wedding but had forgotten me. My mom told me not to make a big deal out of it and that they can just find me a low-cost ticket last minute from a cheap airline, but I just replied by asking her “Then what? Do I even have a dress for the ceremony?” She went with sis to buy hers and all the other female guests months ago, but I wasn’t included. That’s when my father came in and just told me to suck it up and that I’ve never been a girly girl so I could just wear whatever. I got mad at this because, even though I’m not the most feminine girl in the planet, I would have loved to be included in such an important part of my parents wedding, and it was about the fact that I was excluded for literally everything that had been going on for months. We all got into a fight with them calling me entitled and accusing me of making myself small intentionally so they would forget me (like that is a valid excuse for ignoring a child). They ended up telling me that if I was going to keep this attitude I might as well skip the whole thing altogether to which I responded with a defiant “Fine” and went to my room. Next morning they all left for Hawaii without me. The ceremony was really small, but they all posted loads of pictures on insta and facebook about how perfect and magical that whole week was being. People realized quickly that I wasn’t in any of the photos and asked my parents why to which they replied that unfortunately I had caught Covid before the trip and had to stay behind. My blood boiled at this, I don’t know why this was the straw that broke the camel back for me, but it was. I decided to take a Covid test and published a picture of myself holding the negative test and captioned it “Not sick at all, just forgotten.” I tagged everyone that had questioned my absence from the trip and the wedding in the picture and, for good measure, also every person invited to it. I also wrote in the comments about how my parents had literally forgotten about anything to do with me until the day before parting and how they actually uninvited me. Most people were on my side and others couldn’t believe it and thought there must be something more to the story than what I was saying but one thing is for certain, I completely ruined my parents wedding, and their day was overshadowed by my confession. At first I felt quite satisfied with myself for standing up on my own but, after a barrage of messages from my family calling me every name in the book and later, when they came back, them furiously attacking me for my immature actions and my spoiled behavior my pride deflated quickly, and I began to feel awful. I hate my family, and I hate being in this house but I’m a minor and can’t leave just yet. I do feel like I could’ve handled the situation better though and now I feel so depressed that I’m second guessing everything I did, from not speaking up before to the way I exposed them. I also feel guilty for the lack of connection between all of my family and me and maybe I could’ve done more? So Aitah for ruining my parents wedding when they forgot about me? Some of OOP's Comments: Commenter: NTA Can you move in with grandma? Their history of rebuffing you whenever you try to participate with them says this wasn't a one-off. It's like they don't even consider you family. No judge is going to force you back to their house at 17. If you have a place to go, get your things and your documents and go. OOP: Hi thank you for your comment. I would like to live with my grandma but I am due to start my classes in college soon (I was able to arrange it for a start later on the schoolyear) and my school is in the same city were we live but grandma lives in another state so I would have to drop out to leave. I don't have any other family here, just friends and I don't want to be an imposition. Grandma and other relatives: OOP: My grandma was not able to attend the actual wedding, she lives in another state and traveling is very difficult for her due to mobility issues so we only see her when we go to my mom's hometown. I know she saw my fb post and called me to ask how I was doing but I put on a brave face for her and I haven't called her since but we text. I don't know if she knows more of the context of what happened or if my parents have told her a different version of the story but she is very sweet to me and has always called out my parents for their favoritism. I just feel exhausted lately from everything and the last thing I want is to bother her so I haven't called her again since barely after the wedding. (to a different commenter): No, my extended family wasn't there. My grandma has a hard time traveling and my uncles live in the same town as her and they weren't invited. When I said they bought tickets for the family I meant my siblings, their significant others and my niece. They also took a couple of friends each with their partners. In total I think it was 13 people Any idea why they ignore you? OOP: I have no idea other than the fact that they are very close knit between themselves and I don't seem to fit in. I've never liked the same hobbies and activities as them, I'm quite and introvert and like being at home watching movies or reading a book, meanwhile both of my parents love to be the life of the party and host events at our home often for their friends and my siblings also enjoy this events. When I was a kid I was more shy and always hid in my bedroom or the basement to avoid people but as I grew up I started participating more in this parties but my parents don't seem to care. That is the only explanation I can find to their behavior, but I still feel like it's not enough. Commenter: If it's real could OP be an affair child? She is quite a few years younger that her siblings and it would explain a lot. OOP: I have no idea about that, it's something that has never crossed my mind. I feel like my parents have always been a very close couple and spend a lot of time together and seem very happy so I don't think my mother would cheat... Commenter: First class tickets for the wedding party and other guests but not their youngest child. How is this even possible? Then they don't fix it by getting you a first class ticket but an ecomony ticket because it is cheaper. Did she even have accomodations? No dress either, just wear whatever. Now it's your fault that they are thoughtless, hell no. FFS, these parents suck. OOP: I think when she said a cheaper airline she meant it because it was more likely that way that I could get there on time since their flight was apparently all booked out. Again I don't know about accommodations they made no mention of that. They all stayed at the same hotel where they had the ceremony but that's all I know. Update Post 1: September 15, 2024 (5 days later) Hi everyone! I wanted to write an update earlier but I’m still kind of a mess at the moment, but I figured since my post had such an overwhelming response and so many people commented and sent me messages that I should write about the latest developments. First of all, let me start by thanking all that commented on my post and shard their own experiences or points of view on my situation. Thank you so much, a few days ago I could barely find the energy to get out of bed and my family’s comments had made me really believe that I was guilty for all that had passed but, after seeing the responses to my post and all the support you guys were giving me, I felt somewhat reaffirmed in my actions and feelings towards my family. I’m still fighting the feelings of guilt and depression but whenever I start to spiral I think on how much this community of strangers has had my back and I try to calm myself down with your words. Thanks to your input and advice I finally decided to call my grandma and tell her the full story. Just to clarify a point before going on, I said this in the comments, but I feel like I should put it here also, my grandma(77f) did not attend the wedding; She lives several states away and has mobility issues so she doesn’t travel anymore; We went to visit her around easter and that’s when she commented that I might read a poem at the ceremony but that was the last time I saw her in person before all this. She’s always been very loving to me and has called out my parents in the past for their favoritism but is hard for her to play a more active role in my upbringing since she lives so far, and I am always worried about bothering her due to her age and health condition (She had a minor stroke a few years back and is now back to normal, but I still worry). Anyway I called her and laid out everything that had happened with the wedding and how my parents didn’t even buy me a ticket to go with them. She came to the same conclusion that most commenters did when I told her that, that it was simply impossible that they had forgotten and that they did it on purpose. I cried on the phone with her, laying out how I was feeling, how this has been going on forever, how I feel in the aftermath and most importantly about my need to get out. She was extremely sweet and comforting to me and told me that I had nothing else to worry about because she had my back 100% and told me to take it easy but make plans for my future and that she’d help me. After that conversation, which lasted about two hours, I felt better, and I decided to listen to her and start moving to figure something out for the next schoolyear. I have a friend who is going to lease a studio next to our future campus. She has a great relationship with her parents, but she has 5 younger siblings and wants to be more independent so that’s why she decided to move out. I asked her if I could move in with her temporarily and that I would pay her rent as soon as I got a job. She immediately accepted and told me not to worry about rent or anything else until I was in a better position, and we had a good cry together when I told her all about my parent’s wedding incident. So this all happened a couple days ago, and I was planning on doing the update then, but my grandma called my parents and my siblings to lecture them about how they were treating me. My brother just sent me a text afterwards with a half hearted apologize saying that he didn’t know I wasn’t included and that he just thought I wouldn’t have fun on the trip and then I posted the pic just to create drama. My sister on the other hand berated me and told me that I kept trying to make public my own problems and pinning them on my family when they are all innocent. It has been weird with my parents ever since they came back from the trip and, at first they berated me and were furious with me and, after that, we’ve just been ignoring each other. After my grandma called them they came into my room telling me that if I wanted to put this whole issue to rest I should shut up about it and that this could all had already blown over if only I had kept my mouth shut. I just asked them to leave my room and then I called my grandma again to tell her what had gone down. She then told me that she and my uncle had bought plane tickets to come down to see me. This was something that I was actually scared about because my grandma’s health is not the best and this kind of effort is a lot for her, and I know how complicated it is for her to get on a plane so I tried to dissuade her from coming and told her everything would be okay, but she wouldn’t listen and told me that she was long overdue a conversation with my parents and that she wanted to see me. I’m stressed for her, and I feel again like I forced her to take a long uncomfortable trip because of me and that maybe I should have dealt with this myself. I do want to see her, and I wish for nothing more than to hug her right now, but I’m worried about her. At least my uncle (mom’s older brother) is coming with her, but I hope she doesn’t exhaust herself or nothing happens to her because that would break me. They arrive tomorrow and have not informed my parents of their trip, my grandma asked me to keep it until she gets here. I hope she is able to make my parents see the mistake in their actions or, at the very least, help me break the news to them that I’m moving out very soon, and I plan on being no contact with them. I don’t know, I’m worried about her having to do so much for me and bothering her but I also appreciate and love her so much for doing all this for me. Update Post 2: September 19, 2024 (4 days later, 9 from OG post) Hello! Sorry for not having re-updated sooner or commented, as you can imagine if you’ve seen my last posts, it’s been a busy week to say the least. There's been a lot of people messaging me and commenting on the post and I haven't had time to answer to no one until today and I'm sorry for that. You all have been so helpful and caring for me and my story and it's been truly eye opening and terrifying to see how many people have gone through similar stories of neglect and abuse and I just want to thank you all for taking time out of your day to send some kind words to this internet stranger. This update will be long so sorry about that. I’m just going to continue where I left off. So my grandma called me to tell me she was coming here to see me and help me out. I was very stressed about it because my grandma has a very hard time traveling so for her to take this trip meant that she would be under enormous stress and I felt responsible for her since I was the one that called her. She arrived early Monday morning with my uncle and I went to get her at the airport. Ngl it was a very intense and emotional moment and as soon as I saw her I ran to her arms and broke down sobbing. I don't even know if I was able to tell her anything at that moment because of how hard I was crying and I had so many things to say; Thank you for coming, for being so good to me, for having my back, I'm sorry to have made you take this trip, I feel awful at home, I don't know if my parents love me but I know you do, am I an affair child? I truly was hit with all of this plus the guilt and the anxiety all at once when I saw her but she held me tight in her arms telling me everything was going to be okay. My uncle hugged us as well. I don't know how long we stayed like this but it must've been a while until my uncle told me we should get going. We grabbed a cab and went to their hotel. My grandma had teary eyes and I could feel her breathing heavily which scared me but she kept hugging me and smiling all the way. She had reserved a double room so I could stay with her for these days and, once they were settled in and I was more calm, we sat down and I poured everything out for them. The years of neglect and the emotional abuse, how I was feeling miserable after the trip but also for years now, how my parents have been trying to make me feel guilty for all of this that has happened, how I was scared about my future but my n.1 priority at the moment now was to move out of that house even at the expense of my school work, how I have made arrangements to move in with my friend and I was looking for a job, and I told them about this post and how some people thought I might be an affair child and that I was beginning to question that as well. It was a lot and I could tell they were both really affected by what I was saying but they kept comforting me and making me feel safe to open up to them. After I unloaded all my concerns with them my grandma reassured me that I had nothing to worry about anymore and that she would be here for me always. First of all she reassured me that I was not an affair child and that both my parents were thrilled when my mother got pregnant with me and that she knew the ultimate deal-breaker for my mom was cheating and she believed it was the same for my father. Apparently the favoritism began showing when I was around 3 to 4 years old when my parents were constantly complaining about having a young kid in the house and they were bothered because they could take my older siblings to their stuff but not me and I was also very shy and a bit of a cry-baby which they had no patience with and made me very different from my siblings. She told me that she knew that my parents had saved more than enough for my college (they're really well-off so that had never been a concern for me until now thinking they might pull the funds away from me for my education.) but that if they tried to not pay for my schooling she would take care of it and that she just wouldn't let me drop out because of money concerns. She also told me she would help me with rent and an allowance to move out. She was very generous and I thanked her for it all but I also told her that this experience had been eye opening in the sense that I never realized how privileged I had been economically all my life. For all their faults my parents have pampered me, money wise, all my life; I went to private school, I have a rather large monthly allowance, I've had a card for years now and they have never objected to any of my expenses. Seeing the stories here I realized how good I've had it so far and how, being dependable on them all my life, made me so exposed to losing everything, and I want to be independent now, not just from my parents, but from everyone, I feel like I need to learn to stand up on my own. Writing this and having just read all the stories of people in truly awful situations makes me feel like I've been a spoiled brat all my life tbh. She insisted on me accepting my help until I don't needed anymore and I accepted that but I'll still will look for a job and try to make it out on my own. We relaxed for a while in the hotel because we were all exhausted from the morning but in the afternoon we grabbed a cab and went to my house. My parents were extremely surprised to see my grandma and uncle with me when I entered the door but before they could say anything my grandma told me to go pack all my essentials while they talked to them. I rushed upstairs and I could hear my grandma and uncle berating my parents for all that they had put me through. At first I also heard my parents trying to defend themselves but eventually they quiet down. When I came downstairs with two suitcases and my backpack full to the brim with everything important that I had in my room they were all in the living room. My father was beet red and my mother was sobbing like a child and when she saw me she extended her arms on my direction saying she was sorry but I just said "save it" with the coldest tone I could muster and my dad said that I "didn't have to be jerk" to which both my uncle and grandma told him to shut up. I left the house at that moment and waited for the cab outside. In the hotel my grandma reassured me that I wouldn't have to go back to them and that they told her my college tuition was never in question for them and that they had planned to throw me an extravagant birthday party to make up for the wedding mess and were going to be giving me a car as an apology for everything but my grandma was having none of that bs because it was pretty obvious to her that they were only trying to save face and they were coming up with this things on the fly and that a party and a car would not make up for all that they have put me through. Apparently the moment that broke my mother was when she told her that I had even questioned my paternity and she started crying then but my grandma told her that what else could they expect when they had excluded me repeatedly from all family events since I was a child. She told me that she would make sure they made the payments to my school unless I preferred to completely cut ties with them and have her pay until I can pay myself and I asked her to do that. I felt bad because I feel like it's not her responsibility but I truly don't want anything else from my parents anymore and, although my grandma is pretty well-off herself, she's not as wealthy as my parents, but she reassured me that everything is alright and that everything going to me would be taken away from my mom's inheritance. So the next day we went with my friend, her parents and grandma to the studio where we were planning to move and immediately upon arriving my grandma said "absolutely not". I knew from pictures that the studio was very very small and dirty but we saw water damage and mold in the bathroom and kitchenette and there was also rust in the little old appliances. I knew all of this beforehand but I figured I could live with that, at least for a while, but the thing that the adults pointed out that actually made me and my friend change our minds was the fact that this studio was street level in a bad neighborhood in a building that didn't seem particularly safe and had bullet holes on the walls which I didn't even know what those were until my friend's dad pointed it out. So grandma and my friend's parents said they would look for an apartment for us in a better location and they'd help cover the costs. Both my friend and I want to be independent but we realize that with our most likely minimum wage jobs in such a high demand area we won't be able to find anything better on our own so the plan is we're going to look for a two bedroom apartment and me and my friend are going to pay what we had previously planned for the studio and her parents and my grandma will cover the difference. I know is still quite spoiled of me to expect that help from my grandma but after seeing the studio in person I truly wouldn't have felt safe there. My friend's parents who were somewhat aware of what I was going through told me that I could move in with them until we find a nice apartment to which I'm extremely grateful since grandma is going back in a couple of days and I've been staying in the hotel with her ever since. Apparently my friend, her parents and my grandma spoke about this before coming to me to make sure I had some safe place to stay until we move into the apartment (Which is still to be found). I teared up a little as I thanked them seeing how people were rallying behind me to offer help. Since then I've been moving some of the stuff I had left at my parents and setting my space in my friend's. My mom keeps crying and apologizing every time I go back and even my father has said sorry but I remain distant and cold towards them. My sister called and said that our mother was a mess and that I was a d*ck for what I had done but before she could say anything else I hanged up the phone and blocked her. I was going to block my brother as well when I saw that he had sent me a very long message apologizing again and again for all that he has done to me and for not realizing our parents were treating me so poorly. He says he's been doing a lot of self-reflection on the days since grandma called and realized that he had been in the wrong for assuming I wasn't on the trip because I wouldn't want to go and for just allowing my parents to exclude me for all those years. I sent a brief reply thanking him for his words but telling him I need space and I was not ready to accept his apology. I feel like he might be genuine because he has never been nasty to me the way my sister has, just aloof towards me, but I also feel like I need to keep him away for the moment. Also keeping a bridge up with my family feels like the right thing to do right now that everything is so fresh. Maybe in the future he will show me he's just as nasty as everyone else and I'd block him, but as long as he respects my boundaries I feel better not cutting him off completely. I've also made an appointment with a therapist who specializes in neglected teens and I have my first preliminary visit next week, again funded by my grandma, which makes me feel ever more eager to find a job ASAP to take the burden off of her even if she tells me time and time again she is happy to do all of this for me. That's were things stand right now. I don't know if I'll update again, maybe when I start classes or move to the apartment, but right now I'm just trying to enjoy some time with my grandma and my uncle and learn to grow and get rid of this feelings of guilt and depression that have been plaguing me for so long. I want to thank once again all of this community for being so nice and helpful to me and all of you who have messaged me with your own personal stories of getting kicked out or having to learn how to make it on your own at a too early age, you've helped me feel a lot less alone and made me realize that things can get better if I work hard for it. I feel kind of spoiled for having such an amazing support system on my grandma, uncles and my friend, but you all guys are right, reaching out has been the absolute best decision I could have taken and opening up about my feelings to those who love me and to all of you internet friends has absolutely saved me so thank you, really I'm more grateful than words can ever tell. OOP's Comments: Commenter: I'm curious—when you've gone back to collect things, what exactly have your parents been saying? OOP: My mother has been crying every time I've gone there and just saying I'm sorry over and over again but I haven't had a conversation with her so she hasn't mentioned specifics but I also haven't given her a chance. My father has been mostly silent staring at me whenever I come and go but when he apologized it was more along the lines of "I'm sorry for everything" than bringing any wrongdoing for his part on anything. I don't know if they are shocked right now by everything that's happening (I myself feel overwhelmed) and haven't had time to process or if they don't think they've done anything wrong and are just acting for grandma. I don't know myself so I can't really answer. Commenter: [...] don’t cut off your nose to spite your face in terms of college money. Your parents need to foot that bill in full. Don’t hamper yourself with that expense when they can afford it. It is the very least they can do. OOP: My grandma has already told me that it's unacceptable for me not to go to college (if the reason is that my parents won't pay) and she won't allow me to get a student loan either, I asked if she would cosign and she flat out told me no, that she would pay herself rather than see me stressed about the financial aspect of it. I won't jeopardize my education for my parents but, since I have this option to have my grandma pay, that's what I'll do because I rather this money not come from my parents, knowing them they would dangle this fact for the rest of my life like I owed them. I'm very lucky that my grandma will take care of this I feel like I don't deserve her. Commenter: I hope you aren't feeling guilty for coming from a well off family, OP. You're not spoiled. You seem more self aware than a lot of people with your same background. Working and living a life independent of your family will open up the world to you. I truly don't think you're a spoiled rich kid. Working for the things we need and want can create character and teach us so many things i.e., how to handle difficult people and situations professionally, the value of each hour and dollar earned, teamwork, societal structures, and so on. I'm glad you have a safety net with your grandma and don't listen to anyone who would degrade you for that. A lot of us are living hand to mouth and paycheck to paycheck and I absolutely do not wish that on someone just starting out in life. If you ever want to update about how things are, I'm definitely going to read it. Thank you for sharing a very difficult time in your life. OOP: I do feel, more than guilty angry about my background and how blind I've been all my life to all my privileges. This self-awareness that you are talking about I have discovered in the last couple of weeks because, when I first fought with my parents I barely thought about money or how would I sustain myself, that's always been a given for me (which I guess is nice considering I'm not yet 18) but, after posting here, and seeing messages of people who have had to struggle so much with the financial repercussions of being neglected or cutting out your family or going out to the world at a very young age, made me realize how out of touch with reality I was. I'm angry for all the other redditors who haven't had the same privileges that I did and I'm angry at myself for being so carefree about money and privileges that I feel most people don't have. I want to be self-aware to 1. Thank the people who is helping me and appreciate what they're giving me and 2. In the future I want to be independent and also aware of how hard it is for other people who didn't grow up in a 5 bed house in an expensive neighborhood with private school and all the other gifts I've been given. *****Update Post 3: October 29, 2024 (5.5 weeks from previous update, 7 weeks from OG post)****\* Hello everybody! It's been a while and I'm sorry I didn't respond to messages or update sooner but I've been very busy and I'm also trying to grow away from all that's happened to me but I'm back with an update on how things are going if anyone is interested to hear. To do a recap where I left I moved to my friend's house after my grandma visited me and we were able to stand up against my neglectful parents. My grandma and uncle left just a couple of days after I published my last update and it was a very emotional moment for us both, for the first time in my life I felt protected and loved with someone of my family. I'm sure throughout my life there must've been moments were I didn't feel so down and alone but that week I spent with grandma I truly felt like someone was in my corner unconditionally and I'll be forever grateful to her for being there for me. After she left back to her home-town I got settled in my friend's parents home while we looked for an apartment. She was already working as a private tutor for young kids and she helped me get the same job as her so now we are also co-workers :) The job is great and the salary is quite nice for a first job so I was over the moon to be hired. We also found an apartment. Is near campus, has two bedrooms and a nice living area and kitchen. It's not big but it's clean and in a neighborhood that is primarily college students living in it so it's quite nice and there's plenty of cool spaces to hang and meet people. We're actually just in the process of moving right now and I'm writing this update from my new bedroom. I celebrated my 18th birthday a couple of weeks ago and it was great, I went to a restaurant with a few friends and had a nice time. The only "drama" there's been so far with my parents since the whole debacle is that they showed up in my friend's home the day of my birthday asking to see me. I wasn't there at the time but my friend's dad was and he told me that they were both very apologetic and asked him to get me in contact with them. They left a letter with him in which they basically acknowledge that they have been awful parents but they want to rectify their mistakes and begged me to talk to them. Maybe I'm cold for doing what I did next but I decided not to answer them in any way and asked my friend's dad to tell them to leave if they ever show up, which he respected. A part of me wanted to go to them and try to mend our relationship but I also felt like it had taken all of this effort for me just to show them I exist and how much they've hurt me through my life and, if I go back now, I'll be betraying myself and all the work I'm putting on growing and becoming an independent person. After my birthday I had a couple of weeks before we could start moving into the new apartment so I went to visit my grandma at her house. I showed her the many pictures I took of the new apartment, told her all about my new job and the classes I'm about to start after new years, and she was so happy for me. We had a family get together to celebrate my birthday too and my uncles and cousins came to grandma's were we had a bit of a party. My brother also came. I've slowly been talking more and more with my brother. Of all my immediate family he is the only one that has never treated me badly and, although he was neglectful towards me, and enjoyed my parents favoritism, he never treated me bad and I feel like he was also a victim of the toxic environment that was our house. I don't trust him fully but he has apologized very sincerely and, since he lives near me, he wants me to feel like I can rely on him if I ever need something. I do feel safer knowing that I got at least one family member in my city that is worried about me and would help me if needed be. I asked him once how my parents were doing and he told me that, ever since I left, he himself has limited a lot contact with them and he blames them for the whole situation whereas my sister insists that I'm being selfish and causing pain on my parents because I'm the problem (not sure how that works.) My parents also seem to have been somewhat ostracized by many of their friends after news of what happened to me got out but according to my brother they are constantly asking for me and are now saying to anyone that might listen that they fucked up and don't blame me for my actions, but they want to rectify their mistakes. I don't know if I buy this act and I feel like they know that now the best thing they can do for their reputation is to try and put the ball on my court in regards to reconciliation so that they can look like they've done their part. I'm now more than ever focused on my future and I don't really want to think of them. I go to therapy and I'm trying to grow and embrace the love of my new-found support system, my friend, her family, my grandma, my uncles and cousins, and maybe my brother. I hope this will be my last update since I want to close this chapter of my life and if I'm ever back here it will probably mean something has happened but I wanted to share the good news with all of you because you truly saved my life in a desperate moment. I was so down those days after the wedding I felt like curling up on my bed and try to disappear but you all helped me pull myself up and face the music and I'm now so much happier than I think I've ever been and I'm looking forward to all the wonderful things that are happening in my life so thanks to all of you! submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not the Original Poster. OOP is u/LovePieHateBigots and they posted in r/AITAH   Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. This sub has a 7-day waiting period so the latest update is at least 7 days old.   Trigger Warning: Physical violence, harassment AITAH for showing my SIL my skeleton in the closet? July 31, 2024 Edit: sorry I'm a bit high rn so BF is helping me edit and I new to reddit and didn't put ages and the like - I am F32, He is M38, SIL is F56, and stepMIL is F69. How do I put this?...my SIL thinks I am obnoxious. She"'s my BF's eldest sibling and very protective of her "baby" and also very religious so her baby dating pant-suit wearing, neon colored hair having, bisexual atheist feminist with two moms was a lot for her to take in. Over the 3 years my BF and I have been together, she has only been more vocal about it. It did first start with small snarky comments but now it's full in-your face criticism. It got worse when he moved in with me as we aren't married. Well one of her longest running jabs is that I look scary but am just mild and boring whilst I try to "cosplay as edgy" (fair play to her for sewing in cosplay. Gold star. She's evolving) unless I have any skeletons in my closet. I am a happy person and have little issues with laughing at myself so I always just laugh it off when she says she will find my skeletons in my closet. It was my birthday recently so we had everyone over and when my BF went out for decorations he returned with a plastic skeleton and held it up with that we're so immature but you're in, right? look on his face and said, "You thinking what I'm thinking?" And fuck me, I was. This cheeky asshole was giving me an offer I couldn't refuse and I laughed and said "You son of Sith, I'm f-ing in" so we set the trap. Well surely enough SIL was busy telling anyone who would listen that we're unmarried, sleeping in the same bed, I smoke weed - she could smell it... the usual and I ignored her and then she went on about me cosplaying as edgy and not being an authentic person and someday she will find my skeletons in my closet. My BF started to laugh and I said "Oh you didn't notice?" And walked her to our coat closet near the front door and opened it. There was Skelator the Skeleton propped up against the corner. We had a good laugh and my BIL said "fucking hell you finally found it" and when I turned to her, it went from a good natured laugh to a nightmare. She was red in the face, silent, and crying. She slapped me and left without a word. I was stunned by the slap and not even prepared to deal with step MIL who asked me if I was happy mocking the woman who raised my BF and that I'm such a disrespectful ass but this was a new low. She and a few others started telling me how shitty I was for embarrassing SIL and mocking her in front of everyone. The party naturally died from the party's foul wounds and was DOA so most everyone left within the hour. BF has been trying to cheer me up and took me to see Deadpool and got me takeaway so we can binge-watch our show and veg out but SIL texted me a paragraph about how she's tried with me but I am determined to be a morally corrupt violation of her family and she is devastated that I hate her enough to make a mockery of her. I replied with an apology that I hurt her, and I genuinely thought it was just a laugh we could share and offered to take her to lunch to talk it out. She said she was disinterested in dealing with me further and when my BF "wised up" and leaves me, she would celebrate. There are texts from others and group chats where I am being torn apart as vicious and malicious and my mind is boggled. I know there are 100% times that when a person says iTs JuSt a JoKe ‐ they are astronomically the AH so AITAH? Relevant Comments MerryMoose923: NTA. Your SIL did help raise your BF, but he's not her "baby," he's a grown adult living his own life. Your BF needs to talk to his family about this, admit it was a mutual idea to put the skeleton in the closet, and let his sister know that slapping you was completely inappropriate. He also needs to step up and shut down SIL's constant snarky comments and criticism of you, and to shut down the rest of the family tearing you apart to defend SIL. This was clearly a FAFO situation, and SIL definitely found out. Apparently, SIL can dish it out, but can't take it. Were you and your boyfriend petty? Heck yeah. But I think it was well-deserved at this point, given all you have put up with for 3 years. Also, how dare she come to your home as a guest and trash talk you? That's just plain rude. She never "tried" with you: she sat in judgment and found you lacking because you don't live according to her principles, religious or otherwise. You took the high road here and apologized, and offered to go to lunch and talk it out. She has refused. Lucky you - the trash took itself out. Feel free to avoid spending any time with SIL going forward, and limiting the time you spend with his family. DoIWantToKnow6417: INFO : Why should you be blamed for the prank her "baby" pulled on her? She SLAPPED you! And BTW, kudos for you BF, that prank was EPIC! The only glitch is you can't prank vile manipulative people who are deprived of the slightest sense of humour... KickLiving: YTA for letting her abuse you for years. She slapped you in front of a room full of people ON YOUR BIRTHDAY and YOU apologized to HER?! I would’ve cracked her skull. Your BF has let her treat you like this for years and you’re still with him? And he lets MIL treat you like garbage too? What’s the matter with you? Update August 1, 2024 Facebook is such a pain. SIL took to social media and made a post and tagged me. It was a novel long but the short of it is that I am a hateful woman who doesn't respect parental figures and it must be because I am an orphan. According to the post I am on drugs and lured her baby onto them too. I've turned him against God and his family. My man damn near blew the lid off our home when he saw it as he is on FB more than me. He called her and demanded she take it down but the damage was pretty much done. Family out of the woodwork are sending me rehab center links, church counseling links, and sex addiction help and my personal favorite is "before" me and "after" me photo comparisons where before me is a photo of him in church with his family at a mother's day service and after is a snap of him at a concert with his tattoos showing, drinking and clearly drunk. Some people even came to the house to stage an intervention. My guy only started to shout and make them leave our home when I was referred to as a classless hussy and shameless slut.. Let me be transparent, we use THC and weed but it's legal here and we have jobs and maintain a good life. The "after" me photo is not actually from when we were dating, it was beforehand. And I am not an orphan. SIL is married to an alcoholic who just recently got hammered and wrecked their car then got arrested for being belligerent with the police and refusing to leave after his car was towed. All over some freaking dummy? Oh, and I am a shameless slut. So that one felt like a compliment. So I talked with him about limiting contact and he got upset. He loves his family and despite this freakshow, he loves his sister. He got stressed out and started to have a panic attack. I helped him recenter, got him water, and held him until he was calm again and he asked we give it a bit of time to die down and he will try to talk sense into SIL. So we're giving it fucking time. I'm not mad at him, I know this is hard for him but this is crap and I am being bombarded with texts and even emails telling me I am some demon woman who is shooting up my SO who hates Christians and none of that is even true. It's just a lot and I am hating every moment. Relevant Comments OOP after being advised to break up with BF: I don't blame him for the actions of his family or for feeling torn. He's human. virtualchoirboy: His family are to blame for their actions, but it's his family and he needs to defend you from them. Allowing the insults you've posted here to stand without a strong reply means that the rest of the family are going to assume he shares that viewpoint to a degree. He may not share it in reality, but that's what they're going to think until he starts actively fighting the disrespect from SIL. In the end, the role of peace keeper ALWAYS fails. Despite the title of the post I'm linking to, he needs to learn to rock the boat. Stop being ballast and stop lighting yourselves on fire to keep others warm. Otherwise, it will only continue to get worse. OOP: I appreciate your advice and perspective but again I won't jump to anything yet in such a short time. I won't air out his whole life until he'd read everything and consents to it which I think he will but my guy is not letting me light myself on fire. And he has defended me in the ways he knows how. I'm no doormat, beleive me, Love. Been through it when I was younger. Learned a lot. But I don't think my patience here is a fault nor is his hesitancy at this time. virtualchoirboy: Three years of not actively fighting back against SIL IS being a doormat, but you do you. OOP: Just because I haven't written out our whole history does not make you correct. As I have said before. I appreciate your perspective but I pwnt skip steps so yes I will do me. Maybe 6 months from now we will be split, but it will be done right and if that is displeasing to you, sorry for your discomfort. But I am not a doormat to them or you. UniqueMark4192: I don’t agree with people telling you to dump him. He’s clearly on your side. Defending you to everyone. And trying his best. Cutting people off who have basically told you you’re indebted to them for caring for you is not an easy thing no matter how many times Reddit says it. I do think you’ll have to have serious conversation with both him and then both of you with family you think might be open and your mil about why it’s ok for her to mock you and you just have to take it, what your future might look like if you marry, have children, choose to move or change carrier etc. bubblez4eva: It's not just about him not cutting them off. It's about him not really defending her where it counts. Low contact is a thing, and he can't even do thar while they're actively harassing her. He wants to let the people who hurt her have an opportunity to do it again. People like this don't change. It's hard, bit something must be done. potenttechnicality: Giving him time to get his feet under himself was wise because the burden of responding to all this is gonna fall pretty squarely on him. That said, there's a fast approaching limit to what you should take without fighting back. I'd have cameras in the house to catch any more "intervention" visits. Hell, I'd invite SIL over just to preserve one of her rants, maybe make her briefly toktok famous. I know she's gone all uber-Flanders but what about her church? Is it that extreme? Maybe resolve not to wear a pants suit for once and approach the Minister for councelling. You're upset. You don't have know what she has against you but she's spreading these evil rumors and she actually hit you! You know she's having a hard time what with her husband's drinking, the arrest and all. Of course you'd love to attend services, maybe one day even marry in the church but honestly, so many have heard the rumors you sadly couldn't feel welcome. Said with a wistful, downcast expression. Thank him his time and sadly be on you way. Let a hundred flowers blossom from the seeds you have planted. Second Update August 21, 2024 Well I am out of emotional fucking real estate here but here goes everything - I have a feeling this isnt going to be short so (TLDR SIL is depressed and self harming after we cut her out and BF is clearly hurting): I guess I have to start naming people as this is becoming something of a fucking saga. My BF "Dean" (I am a Supernatural fan so sue me lol) sat me down a few days after my last post. He was very, very calm, and that was my first sign that I needed to gird my loins because I was in for a doozy. For background, generally, I am the calm logically lead one while he is passionate and deep feeling. In this, we became polar opposites of that norm. He looked me right in the eye and asked me point blank no-bullshit how this was all affecting me. Every time he would ask before I just couldn't bring myself to tell him how upsetting it all was since I was the "put together" one all the time but this time, because he was so calm and direct, I just broke down. Nightmare isn't the word. It was hell. We live around what is known as a small big city meaning it's big sure but once you get in certain circles you find that everyone knows you and you know most everyone or at least someone who knows them. So, in a way, it can be like a small town. Our state is generally religious outside our city. So rumors spread. With my SIL's (I will call her Wren going forward) social media attacks on me, it was the scuttlebutt everyone craved. Some people sided with her, not most, but enough. I was getting dirty looks and rude treatment, my hairstylist is their cousin and she told me she can't work on my hair anymore until this is resolved as she was getting pressure from the family (i.e. Wren and stepMIL "Penny"). It was schoolyard and immature, but it was enough to make me feel bad. I got done saying all this to Dean, and he said, "Okay then, we will block them." So matter of fact. I knew it as a hard thing to decide on for him, as he loves the shit out of his family and they are his world so I pushed back at the idea saying as much and that I couldn't ever stand in the way of his him and his whole family. I started to cry harder, and he had to sit me down and get me some wine and water and blanket burrito-ed me and hugged me until I could talk again. I said I couldn't live with myself knowing I made him choose me over his family, and he said I hadn't made him, they did. We then started talking logistics because he wasn't budging. I was sad the whole time, because I am usually tough and have a don't give a shit attitude but he is so close to them and I am not overly close with most of my own family. I hated taking something so rare and beautiful away from him, my fault or not. We cut them off. Blocked almost everyone after sending a text about what was happening and why. And worse, it was Wren's birthday party the next day. I took my guy to a festival happening in the city so he wouldn't have to think about it and we were out until 2 or 3 the next morning. When we got home, our neighbor said we had a lot of people coming to knock on our door. 1 or 2 at a time. And a couple then asked our neighbors if we were home. Later, when I was making lunch, the police came by for a wellness check. They said his "mother" is concerned about him. Him. Not me. Just him. Dean said coldly that his mother is dead, and if his father's wife sent them, he wanted it on record that they were not in touch and he wanted no contact. Penny was at our door by dinner. Some of this was before I got into the room because I was cooking, but Dean told me he heard a knock and thought it was the neighbors and opened without looking. Wren was standing there, eyes red as if she had been crying. She asked to come in, and he said no, so she started to cry - loudly - and I heard it and came to see what the fuss was. She had fallen into him sobbing and wailing, asking what she did that was so wrong that he's treating her like this. That he's her baby, and she loves him, but he is so cold and mean to her now and all that bullshit. I was angry but I saw his face he was tearing up and pushed her away asking her to leave. That's when she saw me. She was sobbing an apology like, "I am so sorry if I ever made you feel like you're not family. You won. Please don't take my baby from us." She went on to say if this is about their religion then they won't pray around me and stuff like that and when she finally finally stopped rambling I said it was not about their religion. I am an atheist, sure, that's my choice. But I don't mind people having faith in something. I actually somewhat envy people who do as I just don't and probably can't. I told her it was about my treatment from her and others in the family. That I was cast as the villain for almost 3 fucking years and I was prepared to grin and bear our whole natural lives but then she gets nastier with me with the gossip mill and above all that, she put hands on me. She had the absolute gumption, gall to slap me, and the family collectively decided to let that slide. I won't tolerate physical abuse. I had an abusive ex. I won't be accepting that. Ever. Honestly, that was the singular thing that made me realize two things: she will never respect or care about me, and more that I can never respect her ever from that moment on. It all just flooded out of me. I never yelled. I was just firm and direct about it. This is what happened. This is the hurt you did, and here are the consequences. She practically collapsed in our home wailing by the time I finished, and she would interject "okay you hate me, I get it," or "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, " and things like that. I asked Dean to get her water, and he did. When he returned and handed her the glass, he said she should drink something, and she shook her head and said that she couldn't. We asked her if she hurt herself getting to the ground, and she just got really, really calm and wiped her eyes and had this weird frown, tears still streaming down. She told us that she came to apologize, and she apologized, but we've been clear we don't want anything to do with her or the family, and that breaks her heart. She can't eat or drink anymore because life is not worth living knowing Dean hates her. Dean shook his head but said nothing other than "Don't mistreat yourself like that. That's not fair." Then she just walked through the door and said that I won, he's mine, and to please take care of him for her. The moment the door closed, Dean started to cry. I tried to comfort him, but he pulled away. He said he isn't mad at me or anything, but that was just a lot, and he feels like shit. He told me he knew she was being manipulative but he almost wanted to take her apology because it's just been so hard and he knows she will spin this somehow to make us look as callous and hateful as possible and his father would be ashamed of him. A week goes by, and Dean has cheered up a bit. He apologized to me for crying to which I said he never has to apologize to me for his feelings or crying or anything like that and that I am proud of him for being rational in an entirely irrational moment. He is making friends and picking up hobbies where family events would be like instead of mass and Sunday dinner, he goes to shoot hoops with a community group, he signed up for a patch on the community garden, and he's been taking the time he would usually take to hang out with Penny and help around the house to volunteer at the animal shelter down the way from our home. He came home this past Monday in a bad mood. He was honest that he was upset and would be bad company, so he needed space, so I obliged and went out with a friend. When I came home, he asked me to sit down and said he logged into social media, and a friend messaged him a post that Penny made about Wren asking for prayers. Wren was severely depressed and had quit doing much of anything according to the post, and she was suffering from "the heartbreak of her life," but they didn't explain what that was. This friend of Dean's comment if there is anything we can all do and Penny replied "Pray" and nothing more. Yesterday rolled around and BIL "Teddy" calls, he's not blocked or cut off because he's been having our backs, to tell us Wren is in the hospital as she tried to take all of her meds at once. She's been asking for Dean. I told him that shes in the hospital, and he could go to her if he wanted and I even will go with him or not depending on what he told me he needed but he refused to go. He's been blue ever since, and I'm worried. Wren is practically a mother to him, so I know it's hard. I feel like shit because this is really all because I agreed to some stupid joke to fire back at hers. Normally, I would just say these are manipulation tactics, but to down pills out of spite is some next level commitment to the bit, and I feel like I've really shattered my man's world. I don't know if I need to give him time, or sit him down right now, or up our therapy, or take him on a vacation or fucking what. He's my person. I hurt when he hurts. And we're fucking hurting right now. Sorry this went so long - I guess I had more to say than I thought. Relevant Comments CrystalQueen3000: I think it’s clear at this point that’s she manipulative and mentally unwell and there’s not much you can do about either of those things Let her work it out with professionals and encourage your partner to get into therapy Either_Management813: This is not about the skeleton or the joke, it is about your BF slipping out of her control. Perhaps now she’ll get professional help and I think your BF might benefit from counseling as well. Still NTA Edit: correct typo GlassAd48: Why hasn’t “Dean” admitted to them all the he was the progenitor of the prank? Head he even tried to publicly call them on their BS? OOP: He has. He told Wren and others many times how it happened but Wren especially insisted I forced him to lie. He also commented on some of the posts made on social media before we blocked everyone. Third Update September 22, 2024 We've endured a lot from his family at this point. From them calling into my job to complain about me, to the police coming by because I am "abusing" him. I won't make this another War and Peace manuscript by typing all that happened out but it's been a lot. Dean got a job elsewhere in the state. It's been a rollercoaster for him. We talked it out and he accepted. He doesn't want to be near family anymore. Well that Medusa of a woman found out and Teddy told us she's throwing a fit. So I knew, I just knew she would come around soon. I told Dean this and he looked at me and said "You think so?" And I said I know so. So he came home that next day with more skeletons! They are propped up around the porch, in the yard, and next to the garage. They have names. He named them! Boney Stark, Marrow Munroe, Tibia Turner...he's given them backstories. The man has lost his mind lol. Sure enough she showed up. We have a ring cam now so we both got alerts and saw her coming. He got up and said he would take care of it so I just watched the cam and stayed in bed. He tells her to leave and she demanded to know why he was moving. She was blaming it on me, making it seem like I bullied him into the job and he needed to come to his senses and leave me. He refused. So she slapped him. Twice. Then started to cuss at him, hitting him with her fists and he backed up and pushed her away. Then she falls and starts to scream that he's hit her and that he's a monster and she's calling for help. She woke up the whole neighborhood with her bullshit. Dean was doing his best to stay calm but opened the door and told me to call the police. And I watched her smugly say that if he dares, she will tell them that he and I attacked her. And shows him her arm, and says she has the injuries, and no one will believe him. He just stared at her and went inside. She went nuts and threw Boney Stark into the rosebushes. Then, she sat on our porch just fucking chilling until the police arrived. She threw on the waterworks the moment the cop car pulled in. She actually had gotten out of the chair meant for Boney, laid down on the stairs, and started to cry. Police sorted this pretty quickly because as Oscar worthy of a performance she gave, we had footage. It was my turn to be smug. I cast it on our large TV for all to see. She cussed me out saying I was a bitch and a loser - a harpy who charmed her baby and lunged for me. Dean got in the way and told her to get the fuck out of our house and that she's disgusting and manipulative. He then said "I'm not your baby. And you know what? Thank you. Thank you for showing me who you are. Now I can't wait to get away from you. Good job." I think she figured it all out in that moment because this time when she cried, I believed her. She just sobbed and the cops took her outside. We had her legally removed and put in a request for a restraining order. We currently have a temporary one for the case to be reviewed but it expires after we move so now we are just being careful about our information. Dean was really sad the first few days but now is excited. He keeps talking about the city we are moving to. It's very fun, odd, and has a lot of live music and events. I know he will mourn it once it catches up with him and he's keeping busy to not think about it too much, but it is good to see him smile. I missed that. The family tried harassing us but he would forward the footage and tell them if they don't want him to go fully NC to cut it out and keep her under control. Sometimes it makes him cry and other times it just makes him mad. I've asked if he wanted me to take over some of this and he says no. He just wants us to ride this out, pack up, and get settled in the city. Oh and the skeletons are coming with us. Relevant Comments Little_Yesterday_548: Does anyone else think she might be “Dean’s” bio mom? There is an 18 year age gap between them. Much-Performer1190: Possible. I was 13 when I learned in an argument my "sister" was my mother and mom was my grandmother. Fucked me up for 20 years Cursd818: Your SIL is extremely abusive. Every single thing she is doing is to batter you and your BF into submitting to her. She doesn't love or care for your BF, she loves herself and how good she feels about being a martyr to raise him. She has used violence against you, she's used peer pressure against you, she's even used violence against herself as another weapon to beat you both with. It's awesome that your BF finally realises how abusive she is and is escaping from her grip on him. Good luck enjoying your new life, free of their madness. Curious-One4595: I would have insisted on an assault/pfma charge then and there. She is violent and unbalanced. OP, there will be a lot of grieving. But your move and NC will give you and him a new freedom that you will celebrate. SheBlogsForFun: Hold up are you two married? If not, skeletons have to be an element in the wedding. Or renew your vows OOP: We aren't married yet but this idea is intriguing lol existential_chaos: Please have Boney Stark and Marrow Monroe up there with you lmao, that’d be hilarious. Atvali: What a rollercoaster. I can't believe she did that to Boney. What did he do to deserve this?!?! She sounds like she might have BPD (but I'm no doctor so do NOT take that as fact or a diagnosis, it's just an opinion) She needs serious help Dean is a keeper, he sounds like he's really done his best with the whole situation and it's refreshing to see people who have their heads screwed on properly (being you and Dean) I wish you two the best. Put a ring on his finger asap! Reminder: I am not OOP. Do NOT comment on Original Posts. No Brigading! See Rule 7. submitted by /u/swtogirl to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not OP. That is u/Unlikely_Cap_713 who posted to r/MarkNarrations TW: death, cancer Original Post Sept 7th, 2024 Throw away because I have family on my main I 37F have two siblings 43M and 29F. For the sake of the post, I will call them Mason and Brittney. Our father died when we were young due to an undiagnosed heart problem. His parents had gifted them an old family homestead on a lot of land at their wedding and helped a lot to keep our family above water before they passed. Our mother finally found her feet after about 5 years of deep depression and did well for our family. But she was also very frugal. We had good clothing but no fancy vacations. Our mother had ignored signs of bad health for years, even when we tried to get her to go see someone for it. She passed away recently due to late stage cancer, leaving us with a lot. My siblings each got more than 150,000 in money, sentimental but expensive items, and furniture. I did not get the money. I received the house, the land and some items. The house and land (which had been sold off bit by bit over the years due to mom's declining health and inability to properly tend to it) is worth far below the 150,000 my siblings received. I had moved in with mother near her end, and it really was only supposed to be temporary as I believed the house would be sold after her passing and the money split three ways. I already had a plan to roommate with a friend and her family after mom's death to make that process go more smoothly. Most of my stuff has been sitting in storage for almost a year. As the only one who worked from home, I could watch the home health workers and nurses to make sure they were being kind, doing their jobs, and not stealing. Mostly, it was to make sure they treated my mother with respect and kindness but my brother did worry about someone walking off with her wedding ring since she was so attached to it. We all agreed for it to be placed in with her ashes. So I made a little set up and took care of her. My siblings came by frequently, 3-6 times a week, each of them. Mason had 2 kids and Brittney only has 1 but they visited as well, though not as much near the end because it was hard for them. So in the weeks leading up to her death, my mother had me pack up what items went to who in large boxes and set them off to the side. My siblings hated me doing this but understood it was what she wanted. The will was read, they checked their boxes to make sure my mom didn't miss anything when telling me to pack, and they left me to my house. Weeks passed and I finally felt like I could start doing things to the house. Now, I did say the house was dingy. Its not worth 150,000 but the housing market is crazy so I thought it was a bit of a luck. It needs repairs: the roof, the chimney, the water heater, some pipes, the doors and windows for heating purposes, and everything inside is so darkly painted or made of wood that just sucks out all of the light. I immediately had people checking the roof, the chimney and the water heater. My siblings offered to lend me the money but I declined as I had been saving for a while to buy an apartment or something small since it is only me. I could also rent rooms for the local college students to get some of that money back. I picked out paints for different rooms but decided to leave the wood flooring. As I started going through everything in the house, which had specifically been left to me as stated in the will, I began finding things. Money in books, and there are so many books. Money taped under beds, money folded into the "fancy sheets", money hidden in the tea pot and cups that has been passed down int the family which we had never been allowed to touch in fear we might break them. I found jewelry in different boxes, hidden in the attic, the vents, in sock drawers. Some of it was so gaudy it had to be costume but I put it all together (thank goodness I did) and took it to be appraised. The worth of the jewelry is nearly half of what my siblings got, even the would-be costume jewelry is worth something. Even now, I'm still finding things. I found antique items, fancy watches, untouched clothing and bags with price tags still on them, belts and shoes still in their boxes. All of this was tucked away, apparently hidden, and not talked about. Some of the clothing still had recites, and since neither I nor my sister can wear them I took them back to see if I could get the refunds or started selling them online - since, again, everything left in the house was specifically left to me. I took the cash and used it to help pay for the immediate repairs, and it almost covered the whole thing. I looked through the jewelry and kept what I liked, which was very little as I am not into that sort of thing, and put aside some for my sister and my brother's daughter. I liquidated the rest and put that into savings. I also put aside some of the bags and belts and watches for my siblings and their families. We can't fit the clothes but those things are easier to swap around. I invited everyone over and gifted them the items, telling them I had found them while I was cleaning everything out and thought they may like to have them. Everyone was happy to get them, and there wasn't much bickering among the kids. They asked what else I found and I explained the jewelry I kept and the clothing I was selling off. My brother got a weird look on his face and asked if I had found any money. I told him I had, but tried to downplay it as mostly change and loose bills. He asked to see the money and I grabbed a giant water refill container I had started storing all the coins in. He told me that was a lot of coins and asked if I was going to use it for the laundry mat since I left them all loose. I rolled my eyes because I have a washer/dryer set. I told him there was no point in cashing them in until I cleaned the whole house. He told me to let them know so we could all split that and the money I got from selling the clothing. When I asked why, he said "So we can split it." I asked him why I would split it when they all had gotten large cash inheritances, sentimental and expensive things, and some other things? I literally got the house, the problems, the clean up and the nice things I did find that I thought they might like, I handed over without being asked to. He told me I didn't have to be a greedy asshole about it and to never mind. My sister gave me the side eye but didn't say anything. But I feel guilty for misleading how much I had actually found, even though it was all put towards making the house better. To be clear: all of my mother's debts were paid and she had money set aside for the funeral service and cremation. So AITA? Update Sept 11th, 2024 Throw Away account Edit: spelling. Firstly, I wanted to thank everyone for their kind words and bits of advice. I felt much better after reading so many of the NTAs comments. I also took to heart the "shut your mouth" comments, even if a few of them seemed a little rude. Onto the update. My house (still feels weird saying/typing this) already had outside cameras due to when I moved in and installed them. But I did go and add more to the property line, inside the house in key spots, and around the garage. I also put up no trespassing signs while I look through companies that do proper fences. The property is just small enough I can swing the fence. I did change the locks as soon as I read the advice to do so. I hadn't thought about that, since I work from home. Mom also kept a spare hidden in a plant because my sister used to lose everything constantly so I made sure to remove it and not replace it with the new one. Its a good thing I did all of this because two days after my initial post, I had to run into town for groceries and a few quick errands. I live on the outskirts with neighbors a bit of a distance either way so they wouldn't notice anyone stopping by. I got a notification on my phone about movement and I checked because I wasn't expecting any packages. My brother was getting out of his car, looked around, and checked the windows. He tried his key in the door and got upset it didn't work. He checked the flower plant and kicked it over. The cameras around the house let me communicate so I just said, "That was rude" into the speaker. He jumped and spun around to see nothing. I asked him what he wanted and he demanded to know why I put up cameras. I said, "Because I'm a single woman living in the woods? Ya dumb shit." He shifted from foot to foot before saying he would be back so we could talk and he left. I messaged the video evidence of him trying to get in while I wasn't home to him, his wife, my sister and her fiancé. With the message I sent - I changed the locks because I don't know who mom gave them out to - like her friends - and I have cameras. Because of this attempt to get in while I'm not home, no one will be getting the new key. I don't just randomly try to get into your house when your not home." He sent me a lot of nasty texts after that, trying to shame me for doing that. I told him he shouldn't be doing things he doesn't want others to know about, and that its a reflection on him, not me. He told me I was a bitch and blocked me. My sister thinks I went too far by telling his wife, because she is threatening to take the kids to her mom's. And she thinks I went too far by showing her fiancé because now he doesn't want him to have keys to their's for emergencies. Somehow, I get the feeling this isn't over yet. Time to adopt a very big dog. Update 2 Sept 14th, 2024 Firstly, thank you everyone who made new comments and gave more advice. I particularly enjoyed the entire mini-thread about the geese guards. Super amazing and cute idea. But I have a terrible fear of birds. So I am adopting a bonded pair of doggos from my local shelter. Once my name clears from the "cruel to animals" list of "these gross people aren't allowed to adopt" list, I can take them home. No pictures yet, I'm afraid. I really wasn't set on making another post. Or if I did, it would be when this is all washed and done. I did start a paper trail with both the police and a lawyer, who is a family friend. I documented the attempted break in, didn't press charges but had them speak with my brother, and have him put on notice. He ended up getting new phone numbers, yes with an S, to contact me to berate me and shame me for "siccing those pigs on (him)". I took all of those messages to the lawyer and sent off a few things: a cease and desist for the alarming numbers of calls, texts, social media DMs and emails he sent me. Some were full of rage about how I "took his kids from him" and the others were about how he "knew you rat bitch found money in the house". Not once did he mention the post and honestly I'm done enough with him that I don't care if he sees it because LAWRENCE SAYS YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS MASON (fake name) Anyway. My sister "Brittney" (fake name) asked me out to coffee and apologized for taking Mason's side. She just didn't want the friction and thought the three of us could have worked it out together instead of getting others involved. She and her fiancé have the understanding that he handles his family and she does her's. I guess, for like disputes and things. So by sending it to him before she had a chance to even react to it, it felt like overstepping because I didn't give her the chance to do literally anything before her fiancé was losing his mind. I did apologize because I hadn't thought of it like that. I asked her what she would have done if I had just sent her the video and she said she would have sat on it for like a day to think about it and then probably would have asked me for more information or talked to him to see what the hell he was thinking. She also said I was a "fucking moron" for saying the gifts I had given everyone had been from the house. I should have said something about a bonus at work or something. I have no reason to trust her but it makes sense so I am going to cautiously keep in mind that she does have a harder time getting thoughts and emotions across in a "normal" way. Our parents weren't into the whole "test your child for xyz" so she has been struggling with the idea of being tested for certain neurodivergent tendencies. All this said, I found something really weird and I don't want to open it. In the basement, tucked far into a corner and buried behind a bookshelf and under boxes and boxes of things is an ancient looking freezer. It was and still is plugged in. Its running. It was buried and dusty in a way that I know there is no edible food inside of it. But you ever get that feeling that something just....isn't right? Do I open it? Do I pretend I never saw it? Do I have someone else open it? Any ideas about why it was hidden? My one friend joked it was my grandfather's game box and it has decades old deer inside of it. Is that a thing? Update 3 Sept 15th, 2024 I wanted to thank everyone for the words of advice and ideas how to go about finding out what is in the freezer. I also have a mini update on Mason (fake name). I will get the freezer out of the way because I know so many are eager to hear about it. I called over my lawyer friend Lawrence (fake name, neat lil play on words yeah?) and explained that I needed more information on a few things but would need a house call because of the contractors coming and going. When he arrived and no one was there, he looked annoyed until I explained the freezer. He told me if we found a body, he was bailing but was laughing as we went down to the basement. This was all yesterday. We put on gloves and the masks. He held the camera, and said all this identifying stuff like date, time address, ect. I opened it. Inside were important documents sealed in a lot of plastic. There were also old bottles of moonshines, frozen pressed flowers in a book with dates, a bit of cash (coins, specifically) and an ancient looking porcelain doll. The documents were birth certificates and death certificates going back quite a while. It looks like I would have had another sibling if they had lived, and I would have had three more aunts if they had lived, and a few other even older relatives. We figure the flowers were from the funerals or services, considering the dates attached the pages the flowers were pressed. The bottles....jars, really... of moonshine looked old. The only reason I knew it was moonshine was thanks to Lawrence. He said alcohol doesn't usually freeze and he opened it, and told me based on the smell. The coins will be appraised very soon, as I am also still going through all the other coins I have found in the curtains, and other odd places. Thank you to the redditor who told me to look in the curtains. As for the doll, it looks very old but in good condition. It was in a box and wrapped with cloth, old newspapers and more. Lawrence thinks the hair on its head is real and human, because it certainly isn't synthetic. I had to dry it off after it thawed and there is a name smudged on its foot. Its sitting on my living room coffee table right now. I'm not sure what to do with it. The news paper dates give us a vague idea of the time frame it was put away in and its old. Onto Mason. His wife has filed for divorce. She is going for full custody. She has the kids with her at her mother's. She reached out to me and explained that Mason had told her the only thing left was the house and it was willed to all three of them, and that he was waiting for me to buy out his part of the house. But when I sent that message, something seemed hinky. So she started to dig. Mason has maxed out all their credit cards, the house is now on a reverse mortgage when it had been paid off, and he opened a few in her name. He didn't use that "life changing money" left to him to pay off any of that. She isn't sure where the money went but when she locked down her credit, it left him unable to use the cards he took out in her name and it sparked a massive fight. I can't even begin to imagine where the money has gone. He doesn't have new cars, new devices, new anything. Their two kids 14F and 10M are both old enough to understand what is going on. They won't talk to him until he tells them why they are losing their childhood home, why he hurt their mom, and where all the money is. My niece knows all the accounts are empty, including her college account and she is furious. My nephew isn't as worried about college (understandable). Mason keeps messaging me about how "its all (your) fault" and just overall being nasty. I would have blocked him if it wasn't for the fact we are collecting evidence. My sister admitted he is ranting to her about it all but she doesn't want to get him upset at her because they live just a few blocks away from each other so its easier for him to come knocking on her door. Despite that, she will not be staying with me. My fence should be starting built any day now. I will be getting my two doggos tomorrow. I think I have everything I need. So, that is everything so far. Update 4 Sept 22nd, 2024 Hello everyone! I'm sorry its been a bit since I updated. Between the fence, the new doggos, and problems with Mason, I just didn't have time to update. So to start, I am very sorry to say that I have forgotten my doggy tax. When I have time or remember, I will post them on this profile. One is a pittie and one is a German Shepard. They are both high energy but not what one would consider "pups", though they are my pups. Next, thank you everyone for your wonderful insight and ideas. I did pass along to my (soon to be ex) SIL about checking her children's credit. I checked mine as well. The kids have smaller problems with their credit now, thanks to Mason. She locked down credit and I sent Lawrence (my lawyer, fake name) to speak with her and he set her on a path of wrecking Mason with one of his lawyer friends who specializes in this sort of thing. My credit was not touched but I have locked it down, and I warned my sister of the same but I haven't heard back. To clear a few things up quickly. When my SIL told me they were "underwater on the house" I had translated that to a "reverse mortgage" because there was a big celebration years ago about them finally paying it off. When SIL locked down her credit, she jumped through hoops and got the several cards that she did not open shut down. I don't know those details but it was done very quickly. Yes, several. So for the confusion, I do apologize. I wanted to keep things short. I won't be able to do much in terms of trust funds for my niblings, unfortunately, but I am the trustee or overseer of the ones my mother had set up for them. Debating heavily on telling them/my SIL because word might get back to Mason. I fronted three month's worth of rent for my SIL so she could get her own place so that the courts had no reason to look at her with suspicion. Mason is quickly going to lose the house and I don't want any reason to chance her custody. Another reason I did that was so that she and the kids could get to somewhere he didn't know about. All contact is now through lawyers. Mason went to her mother's house while they were all out to a school function and destroyed the place. They are still trying to figure out if anything was taken. Furniture, pictures, and decorations were smashed, clothing (including his own kids') were shredded, and he threw mud all around the house. He popped tires on my SIL's car, and threatened the neighbors. The neighbors called the cops, there was a problem during the arrest, and he and one of the cops were sent to the ER for stitches. How he managed bail money, I don't know. But I suspect he bullied our sister Brittney into it. Because she has been radio silent during all of this. I think he may have taken up staying with her. The house is going to be taken any day now, and my SIL is fighting to keep her car. That was what my SIL told me. Mason has been nonstop messaging and calling me. He even started a smear campaign on social media, getting our extended family to ream me out for not supporting a grieving man who just lost his mother, his wife, his kids, his house and his dignity. When I spoke with them it quickly became apparent he circulated one hell of a bullshit story that painted me as a wicked sister who stole everything from him and that's why I could afford to do all the work on the house. Like, I have a drug problem and dried up everything he had for drugs, rehab and more. All. Bullshit. Even after talking with them, not very many believe me. My fence is being built, and work around the house is still ongoing. I added a home security system and a few hidden baseball bats because some of the DMs I got about what he could do scared me. I added extra locks around the house and am considering getting rid of the sliding glass door or getting something to lock it like a gate. Lawrence warned me putting too much going forward might harm my case of a restraining order and slander. So if I update it might not be for a while unless something wild happens. I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts submitted by /u/secure-raspberry-763 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/FeistyExternal2244. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is over 7 days old. This is very much ongoing. Mood Spoiler: something else has to be going on Original Post: September 8, 2024 I (25F) have a sister, Ella (28F) Ella and I have always been close growing up, despite her being 3 years older. We've always been best friends, I was her MOH and she's mine. Ella is currently 5 months pregnant. She had a rough first trimester, throwing up 3-4 times a day, always tired. Some days, she couldn't get out of bed, literally. She had also found out early when she was a month into it because her symptoms were so bad. Her and I live close to each other, and since her husband travels a lot for work, I have stayed with her a lot since I work remotely. My fiancé and I had originally set the date for July. However, seeing how sick she was, I, along with my entire family, were getting worried, and so after my fiancé and I discussed it, we decided to reschedule the wedding until after she had passed her first trimester (per her doctor, she was supposed to get better.) I need to add that no one asked this of us, but I felt it was needed. And thank god, she did get better. She's eating normally, going out and back to herself. Seeing this, my fiancé and I talked about our wedding again. I had always wanted a summer wedding on the beach, but I didn't want to wait a full year, and seeing winter wedding pictures was slowly growing on me. And so, we decided on a December wedding. The invitations were finalized last week with the date and were all sent a couple of days ago (yes, it's early but my man and I all have big families/big group of friends and colleagues, we need the RSVPS early) Yesterday, I got an angry phone call from my sister asking how can I do something like this to her. I was honestly confused and told her as much, and she went on to rant about how inconsiderate I was to not wait until my nephew is born, that her being MOH and 8 months pregnant is going to be hard and that she has already been through hell. I calmly explained to her that while yes, she is MOH, I don't expect her to go above and beyond. My best friend and her had already planned a girls night back when my wedding was in July, so we're just going with that again (everything is already bought and my best friend will set it up) I told her that my man and I have also re-booked everything ourselves (flowers, venue and catering are going to be done by our friends who have their own shops and companies) and that I'll pay to have her dress resized to accommodate her bump. I'm even taking care of hair and makeup for all my wedding party, a sort of pamper session where we'll all get ready together and take pictures. All she's required to do is show up. She's having none of it and is demanding we reschedule it again until next summer. I put my foot down and gave her a flat out no. My parents called me and asked me to reconsider, sayint that I know she's emotional and hormonal, I told them that's not an excuse for her to act like a bitch. Any opinions/advice are much appreciated. Edit: First of all, thank you for all the comments and advice, I'm definitely seeing her side more than I was before. I do need to clarify some things that I didn't add in the post. When we rescheduled the wedding, her and BIL had my fiancé and I over for dinner (we do weekly dinners every Friday) she thanked me for rescheduling and told me she felt guilty. I made sure to tell her that I don't blame her, that having her there healthy and happy is what matters, in whatever capacity she can give me. I made sure she knew that she could step down from MOH at any point, even if it was a day before the wedding, and that I would understand. That dinner, my man and I also floated the idea of a winter wedding around, and both her and her BIL said it would be fun since we haven't had that in our family yet. We also chose the date around many of our families' schedules along with our friends' availabilities who were also being gracious enough to still do our wedding flowers/catering and renting us the venue despite us rescheduling it once already. We didn't decide anything lightly. Also, I might update (if I ever figure out how) because my parents called and invited me to their house so my sister and I can talk it out. I have no idea why she's using a third party, even if it's our parents. Relevant Comments: Commenter: NTA. However, this whole scenario is odd. You have big families, so I’m assuming a large wedding, and you moved a large wedding on very short notice due to your sister’s first trimester sickness? And then, after rescheduling due to the pregnancy, you move it to a date when she is going to be 8 months pregnant? Huh? The first trimester and the tail-end of pregnancy are notoriously the times when most pregnant women feel the worst (granted, early 8 months is different than late, so who knows when she is actually due)! If the pregnancy is the concern, then the second trimester and early third are obviously the sweet spots. The logic just seems off. Were there other reasons for the initial rescheduling? OOP: You're right, it is a large wedding. The only reason we were able to reschedule was because it's our friends' shops and venues, and they were able to do this for us (ofc they were compensated per the contracts and all of that.) Commenter: Info: Are we talking about her being at around 34 weeks pregnant here i.e. beginning of 8 months or 37-38? There is a world of difference. Like a third of births are in the 37-38 week range and I find it odd that this info has been omitted given the plethora of other details. OOP: She's been using months to count (doesn't actually say how many weeks), so I used months too. Her doctor told her she conceived in late April or so. Commenter: ESH Why say you rescheduled to accommodate her when you’re switching to a date she can’t attend? This is the part I don’t get. You don’t have to move the wedding date for her. But don’t act like you did her some massive favour when you never checked the exact date with her. She didn’t raise concerns about the vague idea of a winter wedding because that’s a pretty wide timeframe and a different winter date may have worked for her. OOP: Heya! It's not a favor since she never asked for it, and I don't hold it against her or act like I'm the epitome of goodness. OOP is voted NTA, but responses were mixed Update Post: September 9, 2024 (Next Day) Hey guys, it's me again! I want to say thank you for all the advice and opinions. Each and every one helped a lot to see where I went wrong and her side of the story. I realize and agree that I was so, so, so damn wrong to: 1) Move the date to winter and December of all months, not only when she would be heavily pregnant but also with Christmas around the corner. 2)Not discussing the specific date beforehand with her and asking for her opinion. While I've never been pregnant, I did watch many of my friends and cousins go through it, not to mention my own sister, and should have been more considerate and empathetic. My fiancé and I should have also kept in mind that doing it around Christmas time was selfish because even though we had decided not to do a wedding registry/accept gifts (on both wedding dates) we should have taken into consideration that dresses, suits, gas are still costly. That was our privilege showing, and we are assholes for it. People were also questioning me about why my sister was informed about the date through a card. That's because she hasn't been involved in the planning all that much, the way she asked so she doesn't stress out, which was fair enough. And since she didn't have responsibilities, I didn't tell her which, again, I should have done. As I mentioned in my original post, I was invited to my parents' house, my sister using them as a third party and I was asked to update by a few people and so here it is. I ended up going yesterday with my fiancé as some of you mentioned in case it was a gang up situation. They were not expecting my fiancé, that was clear, but they didn't ask him to leave either. We sat down, and I felt like I needed to start off the conversation, and so I did, and I apologized first and foremost, then talked to them honestly about th3 things that I mentioned above. I noticed while I was talking that my parents were engaging us, giving us their POVs. My sister, however, was sitting to the side, not all that interested in what I was saying. I tried to address her, first with the apology, then when we were trying to come up with solutions, all I got was one word answers. I'm not going to lie, I was getting frustrated, and I wasn't discreet about it after a few failed attempts. She seemed to pick up on it, and that set her off. Not just verbally. I mean throwing pillows. When those ran out, she threw her juice at me and finally, a pen, all while screaming about how unfair it is that my wedding is still overshadowing her pregnancy. My fiancé, bless him, took the brunt of the juice and pillows. Obviously, I didn't retaliate, not only because she's pregnant and I was in shock but also because I've never been in a physical fight in my life. After that, she started screaming and wailing and stormed off to her old bedroom. I looked at my parents bewildered, expecting them to say something, anything. When they didn't, I asked my fiancé to leave and stormed off as well. My fiancé and I are still talking about what to do, we also called his parents and siblings for advice. May update once we figure something out. Relevant Comments: Commenter: Your sister is expecting her baby to take center stage. I would keep the wedding date and just remove her from wedding. If baby is born, make it a child free wedding. OOP: I honestly don't mind 'sharing' the spotlight because it's literally a baby. God, this is going to sound conceited, but a baby wouldn't be on par with a bride in a wedding no matter how adorable they are. Did your parents always treat the two of you differently? Growing up, there were never favorites with our parents, which I why this feels like a slap now. We were both treated equally, both doted on and both raised the same way. submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/luvthyf_ingneighbor Originally posted to r/EntitledKarens My Neighbor Demands I Marry His Son Trigger Warnings: homophobia, cancer, destruction of property Original Post: August 22, 2024 This is a weird one, and I don't reddit normally, so sorry. My GF told me to post here, lol Okay, so I "Zennia" F35, inherited my Pop's (my grandfather) house. Well, technically, me and mom did. Mom is a college professor and remarried to a technical writer/engineer who makes a ridiculous amount of money and a big Ole mansion of a house (to me) in the well-off part of town. So she said Pops house is mine. I was grateful and am still. This was about a year ago. I need to sort of set the stage here. Pop was a popular man. He helped everyone. The kids all called him Uncle or Pops, and his peers called him the Sultan of 2nd Street (never knew why they went with Sultan, other than illeration, since he was black lol). He donated and loaned and gave money to whomever needed it. He was a Vietnam War vet, and despite the stigma of it at the time and that of being a black man, he made something of himself as boxer and boxing instructor. He opened his own place and eventually opened more. When mom was small, he bought that house, and when mom got pregnant with me and my father flaked out, Pops became that father figure. My childhood bedroom is in this house (it's now my study) and so everyone here knows us. Pop passed, and I got the house. All caught up? Okay, so there is a neighbor to my immediate right, who we call Sugah Mama or Sugah. Everyone knew that she had it bad for Pops but see after he left Mama (my grandmother) or more likely . She left him, he chose the bachelor/Playa life. Yeah, he got around. It's still debatable if the woman who owns the house is on the 3rd, if her son is my uncle. Anyway, Sugah has a son "Miles" (M50-something) who also has a son “James”. James is my age, and we get on well. We used to be joined at the hip in grade school, and even though we glowed into different cliques in middle and high school, we were friendly. Sugah and some of the other older folks would joke about us. Soulmates. We even share a birthday with a strange coincidence, I will admit, but then they keep adding AT THE SAME HOSPITAL! well, yeah, because back then, there was only one good one nearby. Lol Now, to be clear, I am bisexual with a strong preference if my dating history has any sway for nonbinary people or women. No shame in my game. I can talk about the absolute bullshit of homophobia in the black community, but you're not here for that. So I meet my now GF "Dinah" who is also my age and she is absolutely a dream. She's smart and hot and sweet and thoughtful and kind and a million other things. I have to stop there, or this post will be all about how out of my league she is. I started having her around the house, and Mr. Miles was around and offered his and James' help in getting stuff from the truck into the house. At one point, James pulled me aside as he knew she was my GF and said I shouldn't mention it to his dad, but it was too late. Mile had asked her if the two of us were college buddies, and she replied that we're dating. Mr. Miles pulls me aside after and asks if it's true, and I said yes. Enter the homophobia and what would Pop think? Lol, I told him, Pop knew I was bi for years. I came out to him in high school, and he was a-okay with it. That shut him up for a bit, and we got me moved in. Well, now about a week ago, Mr. Miles came by. I WFM, but the fiscal year is coming about, and it's a busy time, so I made Mr. Miles had some tea and sat with him but made him aware I was calling this my lunch hour and couldn't entertain long as I was still working. He said "well I will cut to the chase then," and said so matter of factly, "you need to leave that woman." I laughed as my GF and I have been together now for over a year and are happy, so... no. why the hell would he even come here with this? He said Sugah is sick (which I knew. She sadly got uterine and breast cancer in March) and she needs to see her boys married. He said he prefers I marry James, but IT WOULD BE OKAY with him if I marry his older brothers Daniel (36) or Paul (37). I told him yeah no. I won't be marrying any of his sons. I said I already have a ring for Dinah and am planning to propose to and marry her. I said I know he doesn't agree with gay marriage, and he frankly doesn't have to. It's my life, and while I love and respect him like a real uncle, he will not tell me who to love or marry. He yelled at me and said some awful things, and I wanted to say I was a badass and stared him down like Gayle King did to R Kelly in the meme but...I cried. A lot. I just asked him to please leave. He did but ripped my pride flag from my pole at the door, calling me slur. I got a new one the next day, and it went missing, so my GF bought me a door cam and a new flag. Sure enough, he came that night and ripped that one down, too. I texted him the video and said I would not press charges if he stopped all this. He said to go ahead, "call the police on another black man," and if he's killed, it's on me and my "sins." It's night here and I was cuddled up to my boo after a movie date night and were playing Mass Effect (video game) - ASIDE but can you beleive this woman has never HEARD of this game!? - and there is knock at my door. It's Paul. He asks to speak with me outside, so I tell Dinah to keep playing, and I will be back. I don't see Paul often, so I thought something happened - maybe Sugah got worse or something happened to his dad. Paul explained that he was here to ask me out. He had flowers and a stuffed unicorn (I like unicorns don't read into it lol), and I, of course, told him ummmmm, I am in a relationship." He said he knew I had a GF but that wasn't a real relationship as a relationship is between a man and a woman and he knows I date men as I've dated a male mutual friend in my 20s. I just said my relationship is both real and none of his business and to leave. He then said he guessed I liked feminine men since my GF is trans - which OK bud she's not, but even if she was, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS HOTTIE. So I just laughed it off snd said he was jealous he couldn't pull a hottie like mine and said I have cameras with audio so if he can please fuck all the way off and not force me and my GF to call the cops, it would be appreciated. I told Dinah, who howled in laughter and paused the game to watch the doorcam footage, laughed more, and then told me to post here. So here we are. Sorry? You're welcome? Idk. Relevant Comments OOP needs to take extra precautions for herself and her partner OOP: My mom agrees with you. She's pushing for us to stay with her for a spell. Dad said he bought extra cameras and lights on Amazon and can sinatll them tonight. They are acting like a cross is burning on the lawn and my GF doesn't think they are overreacting at all. This is the South in the USA and GF is a retired Marine so...she's got her 2nd amendment right and the papers for it so I feel okay as long as she is with me... That said if she were hurt I would hate myself for not listening so we're in her care right now going to my parents and daddy is on his way to my house to put in the cameras and lights. Sadly I am used to folk telling me they can "fix" me somehow or that sleeping with a man will "fix" me etc. Mr. Miles ain't the first bigot but he damn well is the most dedicated. Mom talked with Sugah and Sugah is horrified and said she will put up a rainbow flag at her house and see if "that boy got the balls to rip it down from my damn house" Gotta love her.   Update #1: August 27, 2024 Howdy. Y'all might not remember but I'm that bi chick madly I'm love with my smokin brilliant GF and living beside my homophobic neighbor. Heres the post I'm updating - https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledKarens/s/67P8SoK3Ao So a few days ago I shared about Mr. Miles losing his ever-loving mind about me having a GF and basically put his son up to come over, demean my relationship, and ask me out cuz that's suuuuuuuuuch a great plan /s For safety, given Mr. Miles losing all the sense the good lord gave him, GF and I stayed up at my folks and just got back yesterday evening. My dad double checked all the new lights and cameras and then walked over to "have a friendly chat" with Mr. Miles. Not sure what he said but it had to be good because Mr. Miles didn't even sit on his porch to smoke his nightly cigar. And if you knew that man the way I do you know that's not in character. I asked Daddy what he said to the poor man and he laughed and said "Oh, Baby, definitely nothing that would remind him of our good and mighty God or offering to send him to Him." Sooooooooo Sorry I digress. So I expected everything to be okay - because I'm stupid - and thus went back to life per usual. I ran my GF's bath, jumped her bones, and woke up to make her breakfast thinking my life is some kind of wonderful. Only to hear a knock at the door. Today is Monday. Everyone who works is off to work and everyone who doesn't knows I WFH on weekdays. Something didn't feel right so I woke my Love up and told her to get dressed just in case something was about to happen. I'm no warrior but I did have my bat and opened the door and made eye contact with a cop. We stare at each other. He looks down at my bat, then back to my face, then turns showing the cop behind him and looks at her. And I am here thinking well SHIT this is what I get for assuming this all would blow over. I will admit, I am not everyone's cup of tea so I use humor to compensate for being...well a weirdo lol don't know how else to put it. So I grin at the cops and ignore my heart racing and place the bat down and just say "Sorry I thought you were someone else. Coffee?" They...weren't amused and apparently didn't want coffee either. Who was I expecting and why a bat? I just said I wasn't sure, but we're two women alone in a house with someone at the door at the ass Crack of dawn so.... They asked for me by name and I confirmed I was who I was, even showed my ID. They asked me for my GF as they got a call. GF comes out and shows her ID. They ask to speak to us separately and I was getting upset. "Whats this about, sir?" The cop looked at me really annoyed, then looked at my GF and asked if she felt safe with me, to which she said she did. He said he needs to investigate a call. I ask what call. He says he's the one asking questions and all I could think was greeeeeat he's that type of cop. He tried to step inside but we were speaking through a screen door which I locked last night and it was then he actually asked if he could come in. I said no, sir. My GF said she will step out with him to answer any questions and she does and the female cop takes her a distance away and talk. The male cop opens the now unlocked door and peers in my house asking if he can have a look around. I ask again what all this is about. He asks me questions. All centering around why anyone might think I am holding my GF here against her will. I was like what do you mean against her will? He says her BF called and said I took her forcefully and kept her here overnight. To which I reply, what fucking BF? She's a lesbian and gay as the day is long. At this point GF and female cop come back and GF looks mad. She points at Sugah's house and asks if thats where the call came from and outline everything that's basically in my last post. GF then goes, "show them the videos", so I hand over my phone with the ring app pulled up with the footage of Mr. Miles yanking our pride flag down and using slurs. The cops were looking at one another and then back at Sugah/Mr. Miles' house. Mystery solved, I'm thinking. I'm not good in tense situations so I just Crack "Sure you don't want a coffee?" And GF whacked my arm. We did the whole song and dance, sending files, getting their cards, filing a complaint for the damage of my property on Mr. Miles' part, and then my GF said she wants to pressed harassment charges too. The male cop snorted "based on what?" And the female cop took over. She said without solid and consistent proof, they can't press charges of that nature. We ask about hate crimes and they said taking down a pride flag isn't a hate crime, it's destruction of property. Suddenly I can hear the guy cop saying "Sir, stay inside" and who else could it have been but dear old Mr. Miles - look at this old rooster up this early! Fuck. The old sour raisin is yelling for them to ask about me throwing around my GF last night. Cops aren't even listening to him, just telling him to go inside and he keeps repeating that i was brutilizing her last night (Which the creepy bits aside about him knowing anything about last night, I want to take as one HELLUVA compliment). The cops yell for him to go inside or he will be in cuffs. He does and the female cop turns to me and I just blurted "If 'throwing around' is what we're calling sex now..." And my GF gave me a look like shut 👏 the FUCK 👏 up so I did. (It did get a laugh from the lady cop though). They told us to stay inside and we did but you better believe we minded everything but our business at that point. We watched through my study window as they went and spoke to Mr. Miles. There was a back and forth and I heard the cop say "turn around" and Mr. Miles was saying like "why are you hassling me, man? I didn't do nothing." So the cop got louder and said "Either turn around and I take you in or you go back in the house, sir." Mr. Miles was saying this ain't right but he went inside. The cops stayed on the porch for a few minutes more. Then they departed. Happy Monday. Relevant Comments Commenter: Wow. If you can afford it, I suggest consulting an attorney. Give them all the info and evidence of things to date, so they’ll be ready to help if this escalates. for example if you end up needing a restraining order or want to pursue that harassment charge that the cops didn’t want to deal with.   Update #2: August 31, 2024 This is slowly just becoming my little hobby of sharing what Mr. Miles and his family have been doing. After the police incident it was pretty quiet this week. Dinah, my GF, and I also have just been living quietly in general hoping the storm passed over. I can be such a damn fool sometimes. I thought it was all going to be fine. We have cameras, lights, Dinah made a (rainbow - cuz of course) no trespassing sign. She got mini pride flags and staked them in the front garden. Did I mention she gardens? She's literally a dream girl. Mr. Miles sort of went back to normal. He smoked his nightly cigars, washed his car, all the usual shit. Enter the HOA. I live in a community that, how can I say this? It's not the hood, but it ain't fancy. Lots of the people here are people of color and generational owners meaning their grandparents or great grandparents bought the house way back in the day and the owners inherited it. Nobody minds their business, but we let each other be as far as how we use the lawns and shit like that. It's very much a "stay in yo lane" situation. Guy shows up at the door. I'm not home, but Dinah is so this is what she described happened but I admit I "Zennia'd" some details for that extra oomf - Dinah has coined that phrase as according to her I allegedly add a flair to retellings. She opens the door with the chain on and this pleasant looking man is smiling at her so she assumes he is a salesman. She just asks if our no soliciting sign is there and is about to close the door at that but he said he's not selling anything, he's an officer with the HOA. Dinah hears the word officer and is cussing in every tongue she knows internally and just asks what he wants. He hands her a notice. Apparently we are in some sort of violation. Dinah's no pushover so she's rather unimpressed at this point and he is trying to explain "we noticed some violations-" and she asks point blank if what he's about to say is in the papers he gave her. He says yes, and she looks it over again. Hmmm...our rainbow shit? A violation. Oh no it's 7. 7 violations all related to our rainbow shit. Now Dinah's got a main suspect in who is behind all this and she is laughing in this man's face. He says he really doesn't want to fine us since they prefer to laid back. But this is causing complaints. So I get home and she's out back painting...nothing off about that. She likes creative DIY stuff so I just let her know I'm home and there's a box. I assumed it was for her because she freaking LOVES Amazon. She comes in and shows me what she's working on. Rocks, signs, a set of garden pots you name it, she has rainbowed it and I just sigh and go "What did that man do now?" And she tells me about HOA. I was like "we have an HOA?" And she hands me the papers. I called the number and the voicemail prompt checks out that it is an HOA. I've been the owner of the house for over a year. So its news to me. But I'm also first-time homeowner and I've been wrong before. I had and have a million questions. Like dont we get billed for it or something if we're part of HOA housing?? Then I noted that all the issues they are threatening to fine are accompanied by grainy photos of said items and they are all our rainbow stuff. I realize that Dinah is two steps off scorched earth (it takes a lot to get her there but baby look OUT when she arrives at that destination) the sign being that she is about to rainbow the whole damn house. I asked her her intentions and she just shrugs and says "Oh I thought they didn't get the asthetic so I'm helping complete your vision" (HOW IS THIS MY FAULT NOW!???? lol) and I'm like oooooh sweet baby Jesus, I don't have the financials to say fuck you if they fine me to oblivion. We had something of a tiff about it (a tiff is a small little argument, but "argument" makes it sounds far more dire than it is) as she was camped in "F them especially" territory and I'm thinking of the possible consequences. I finally calm her down and she's starting to see my side of it. Guys, I fought the good fight, I really did, she was coming around, I was so close. So close to squashing this issue, calling it a night, play video games with my boo and go back to normal. BUT FUCKING NO because the goddamn box. The box wasn't addressed. It was just a box with a note that said it's a gift. They were flags. Not pride flags but like various sizes of the American flag. Dinah saw this and FLIPPED the fuck out. She's walking around the house cussing in more than one language. And I'm there in F my life mode knowing damn well we're a step closer to scorched earth. That was last night. She was still creating her DIY rainbow stuff when I went to bed. I'm not even going to try and sound like I want to attempt to think it's anyone else up to this bullsshittery for obvious reasons - gestures broadly - but also because Mr. Miles smoked his nightly cigar and I don't know what he said to Dinah, who happened to be out there (yeah right, Baby, since when do you even like sitting outside at night...ALONE) and she is swearing up and down he all but admitted it BUT EVEN IF HE HADN'T she checked our camera and Mr. Miles's son seems to be taking photos of our home from the sidewalk. So now we know at least Paul has something to do with this too. Dinah's not back from work yet, and I WFH so I'm basically just waiting for the other show to drop because now my GF has gone full gollum and God help anyone who tries to stop whatever it is she is thinking about doing. It's like trying to stick your foot out to stop a bullet train. Not gonna happen and damn painful. I'll update when the other shoe drops. PS: Our complaint to the police after my last update is still being "investigated" and not to be any sort of way but I don't expect much from it. Fingers crossed though. Pray for me y'all. PPS: Also sorry for all the cussing. This has put us both in a STATE and I have a pretty foul mouth. Edit: Just called my mom because she generally knows all lol she said that while she isn't 100% about the now as it's hard to recall so randomly while she's working, she knows for a fact there wasn't one when Pop owned the house. I'm going through the paperwork now because I can't let his go. Relevant Comments OOP should had the documents regarding this suspecting HOA OOP: I don't remember any mention of it, but also at the time I was not in the best state mentally for various reasons, including the death of my grandfather - which is why I inherited the house. I do remember a LOT of paperwork, that said. I will ask my mom if she recalls anything as she was there helping me. + I'll have to go through them. The phone number checked out because the voicemail prompt sounded legit, but the email is a generic one (think like yahoo or something). I can't even wrap my brain around how he would even be able to fake this, but after all the shit happening thus far, I am not far off believing it possible.   Update #3: September 1, 2024 This shit is going to make me into some gossip columnist or something because what I am about to share is fucking WILD. HOUSECLEANING FIRST since my last post had so much going on. The police, after many calls from my GF Dinah, have basically said that our case doesn't constitute harassment and there is no evidence of anything more (ummm video??) but only destruction of property. They said its largely a civil matter and thus should be handled I'm civil court rather than criminal. Best beleive Dinah is not about to let this go. As for the HOA. We. Dont. Have. One. And by "we," I mean my street. Miles lives on the corner house, so he's on a technically different street. We checked and double-checked, and Dinah helped me sort through some paperwork for good measure. Nope. My street never had one and never signed on for one. Dinah was DELIGHTED by this. I mean, that hot hellion put all her rainbow projects out and then started talking about rainbowing the HOUSE. Like, the whole damn house. She wants to make it a project and for all to call our queer pals together and rainbow paint the exterior, including the garage doors and driveway lol. I...said we should start small, and we agreed that she can paint our front and back porches first and she found cute lights to shine on the house that can project rainbows so we have to check with our other neighbors but I said if they are fine with it, fine, hun. And now ladies, gentlemen, nonbinary monarchs and all, I present to you, the fuckery. Mr. Miles saw me washing my Love's car for her. It was just a thing I wanted to do for her. Not a normal thing I do at all. But she's been stressed, so I was going for the "hot girl washing cars" thing in part to be cute and silly and was in swimwear. She was calling to me from the upstairs window, whistling and stuff. I laughed. My other neighbors laughed. Mr. Miles came out with a mug of whatever the fuck evil drinks (blood of the innocent? Puppy broth? Who knows. Maybe just shitty coffee) and was glaring at us, scoffing when she would come out on our porch with her tea to "enjoy the show" - let me be clear, we were not being lewd or anything. She was saying shit like "What are your rates? My car has never been so beautiful. I'll pay you double" it's cheesy shit couples around here say all the time. Maybe the worst thing she said that maybe was less for public consumption was admittably my favorite thing: "Hey good looking, what am I cookin? I WILL MAME IT HOT for you" implying she will make dinner. I don't know if I ever mentioned it, but Dinah is the BEST cook but generally doesn't take that on regularly, so her offering was heaven for me. Mr. Miles would ahem loudly, shake his head, do that indignant laugh older folks do, everything so we knew he disapproved and was in the audience. So we ignored him. And I definitely didn't defiantly stay out longer, flirting with my woman to piss him off...solely. Anyway, Mr. Miles was too much of a coward, so sent Paul again. I was done with the car and Dinah made me a cool cocktail (where we live outdoor shit in the summer is done nice and early before the sun gets too high, so it was hotter than Satan's ass out) and we sat near the fan enjoying just chatting. Mr. Miles had long gone inside anyway, and this is our home. Fuck him. We're going to enjoy it. Paul waved as he walked towards us and Dinah said her favorite curses under her breath. He made some small talk with us but Dinah was frosty with him, so I did most of the answers but even I was short. But this is the South, so politeness is a bitch. Hard to explain. He said he was concerned about our cameras because it looks like they cover the yards of others and there are kids here and "you know what that can look like". I will blame the cocktail but I was feeling like fucking with him, so I acting dumb. "What will it look like?" And he was all "you know what I mean" and I was like "nah what do you mean, Mr. Paul?" And that went on for a bit and he just stared at me and did a condescending chuckle and shook his head "well we'll see about what everyone thinks- just trying to be helpful given.." And he gestures at nothing in particular. I smile as sweet as pie and thank him for coming by but the cameras don't seem to bother anyone but I wil ask around. He told me to do that and walked off. We had been putting it off but this spurred Dinah to look into Mr. HOA. He's legit. An officer of the HOA on the street the other end of Mr. Miles's/Sugah's house. But Sugah has been in the hospital for surgery and won't be back for at least a few days. She has a daughter I keep tabs with who has been in town to help care for her. When I talked to my own mother, she sounded annoyed about the situation as a whole and ask if I would mind if she herself had a discussion with Miles. She grew up with him so I said that was up to her. She said "Great!" In that way that I knew she would be calling him. This morning, Daniel, the other son, caught me as I brought out the trashcans. I was surprised because he doesn't live there, so I don't often see him. Small talk blah blah blah, and then he gets close and says that he's sorry about the whole thing with his dad, but I should be warned that he got into quite mood after talking with my parents (I assume mom) and to tread lightly. I thanked him and went back in to tell Dinah. Dinah was in the nook (like a half room bay window situation where Pop used to smoke) and she had gift stuff out like gift bags and ribbon. I was trying to figure if I had forgotten a birthday or something and she just giggled and told me to come here. Rainbow flags. A lot of mini ones. Stuffed in a bright gift bag. I just looked at her like "Baby nooooooo" and she just shrugged saying she was the newbie here and wanted to be a good neihbor. To her credit there are more than one gift bags and she is dropping them off as I write to every house on the street but I know my GF. This is an F you too to Miles. She said to ask my internet friends (you and a Facebook group I've been sharing this with) for ideas of how to "spruce up the place" now that we know there are no HOA restrictions while she's out. So this is an update and also a plea, for the love of God please don't give her too many crazy ideas. Give us some fun ones - I am all for painting rocks and patios and shit, but I still gotta live here ya know? Anways, have a good long weekend if you're in the states. I still have a BBQ to plan. Edit: I just spoke to my mother video chat. Mom and Dinah have now sync'd energies. Help. Me. Mom said she talked to Daddy and they are wanting to pay for at least 2,000 USD to "spruce up the place" - Dinah is over the moon, has taken the device and is still talking with Mom now. God help us all lol   Update #4: September 7, 2024 Well the Mr. Miles saga continues so to pick up from my last post, the BBQ happened. It was fun. Had my parents and chosen family over (open invite to my community so some neighbors too) and Dinah's twin even came and by twin I mean they're not actually twins (image THAT much hotness doubled. Lawd.) But siblings born on the same day a few years apart. For this I will call him David (M30s...? Idk I never remember). David is also as gay as the day is long and has heard of all the shit Mr. Miles has been putting on. Actually ever single person at the BBQ knew. It was a topic I couldn't escape. Dinah was serving vodka mixed drinks and you can image what 3 queerdos can come up with after a few dranks. David loudly announced "PAINTING PARTYYYYYY" as Dinah went and found every bit of paint we own. Before I could even work through my vodka-indused brain fog, people were painting...EVERYTHING. the porch, my chairs, damn near every rock around my trees and all the raised garden beds. Now my backyard looks like a gay unicorn had projectile diaherea and shat rainbows. I like it. We played Lily Allen "Fuck You" and other gay ass songs, sang along, there are rainbow flags inside and outside my home at every window, in the garden, between my pumpkins (THEY PAINTED HALF MY PUMPKINS) - this is not a euphemism, both cars have those mini flags that stay when you close the window. It was insanity. Aaaaand the police arrived. They got a call about a disturbance from a neighbor and we all knew damn well which (my whole street of neighborswere literally right there except him). A quick aside here but it's not illegal to play loud music during thr day here. Just after like 8 or 9 or something. So no laws were being broken. The cops even admitted that. But they suggested we "just keep it down" - we thanked them, and didn't. It was a fun evening. My mom waited until everyone else left and she and Daddy were drinking my best wine, just LOVING this chaos, singing Dinah's praises, gushing over how she's designed the interior of this old house (she did really well I have to admit). It's updated in here and just brighter and fresher. There was a knock on the door and Mom got it. Mr. Miles stepped in with Paul and Daniel in tow. My southern-politeness brain shit the bed, so I audibly groaned at the sight of him. Dinah came back from the kitchen, saw him, crossed through the whole ass room and planted a kiss right on my lips as she handed me a fresh drink and sat right on my lap like a housewife. Mr. Miles asked for a drink. Dinah told him everything is out and in the kitchen basically to say "fuck you get your own" in Nice. His sons went to make him a drink and I politely asked what he needed. He said he wanted to have a take with me, alone. Mom said "And what do you need with my daughter, Miles?" And he said that that was between him and me. I said I was drunk and tired so it will have to wait until morning. He had his drink, made some passive aggressive comments, wished us a good evening, and said he will come by later. Mom walked him out. He did. The very next day. And sure enough I was alone. Sugah isn't doing well. She's not responding to treatment. They're planning for the worst. I was devestated to hear this. She's like our neighborhood mom. I've known her all my life - she's practically family. So I started to cry. He was being so nice to me, handing me a napkin, speaking to me softly, rubbing my back and telling me to let it all out. So I did. And then right when I was able to catch my breath and calm down he said he wanted to tell me in person. I told him that was appreciated and I was so sorry for his family. He said "I know. Thanks. Thats another reason I wanted us to chat like adults. I know that woman you live with doesn't like me much." And I laughed without meaning to. Not like him? She would piss on his grave and stomp the dirt down to the tune of "hit the road jack" should the chance arrive. And if she weren't fit for prison, she'd give herself that chance with her own bare hands. Mr. Miles is still being nice and says that he knows I am the reasonable one. And that we had our fun but this tantrum of ours needs to end. Sugah will be coming home to live out her time and he doesn't want her to see our "mess" of a yard. He said it would upset her and he knows I don't want to ever upset her. I will be honest, I was so in my feelings over the news that he almost sounded reasonable to me. Then he offered to have Paul come over snd "help me" make my home presentable again and my brain kicked back in. I stared at this man, who just used the worst possible news a child could share about a parent as a tactic, and the spirit of Dinah came upon me. I very coldly told him to leave, as I have decorating to do. I think he thought I meant to tear everything down, because he left without a fuss. I told Dinah the moment she got home. At this point, her patience was up. She stormed out of the house and for a moment I was like "oh God honey don't do it, I don't even know where the jail is." And she came back in with bags. She had been shopping apparently and THIS PART IS ENTIRELY YALLS FAULT. She found SO MANY items. INCLUDING colorful windchimes. She just held up a few things and asked me to help her unload the rest and I was like "REST!?" So we spent the whole night decorating the front porch. I will fucking marry this crazy ass woman lol This past Wednesday, Sugah got home. I rushed out to hug her and she hugged me back. It was one of those "mama" hugs that make you want to laugh and cry and let everything out. She held my hand tight and looked at our porch. Then she laughed and said "Damn girl, you really leaned in huh?" Then said something was missing. I asked her what and she said my flag. The big one I had in the front. I told her what Miles did to it and a storm went over her whole face. She got quiet and asked me to explain I said she should rest and it's a long story. She turned to tell her daughter (who drove her) to make some lemonade and that she was going to sit with me on my porch a while. So I told her everything basically in all my posts including Miles' recent visit. She kept her expression steely the whole time. She asked a lot of questions. Then asked me if she ever told me about her first love. I thought she meant Mr. Richard, Miles' late father, and she laughed. She told me a story about how when she was young, before Richard ever asked her out, there was a woman her age who always dressed in suits, which for the time was not considered okay or normal. People hated her but Sugah fell for her almost instantly. She said Dinah reminds her of her and that I seem really happy now that Dinah has moved in. Then she looked at me so serious and said "So are you?" And I went inside to show her the ring I had long bought and that I am going to marry that woman if she'll have me. She smiled and patted my cheek, kissed my hand and went home. Yesterday my Daddy called and said "Heya what's this about a wedding?" And I was like what? And he said that he's not supposed to be telling me this so don't tell Mom but she and Sugah had a long phone call and Sugah wanted to pay for my wedding. Not some of it. The whole damn thing. This is already long sorry, I swear I am skipping a lot here but I was obviously floored. There's paperwork involved and mom is working with Sugah on it and Daddy said "Well, I guess you gotta ask that woman to marry you." And I said I intended to. So I am writing this antsy as fuck, ring in pocket, dressed up, waiting for Dinah to come home from the salon so we can have date night. Mr. Miles is about to have a complete caniption. Wish me luck. Edit/update: Hey guys- so I'm sad to say she said no. It was a lot to- I'm fucking with you. She said yes! Y'all I am going to marry the most amazing, smart, strong, hilarious, crazy, loving, beautiful woman in this GODDAMN world and I cannot fucking stand to keep it to myself!!! We had such an incredible time. She came home and was already dressed, so we went out. It was my turn to plan date night, so I was at an advantage. I took her to a place that was like the restaurant pur first date was in (sadly, the original is no more) and we shared stories about that date (I was nervous and word vomited like an overfed baby - she found me charming), we then retraced a walk we had when I first told her I loved her. She had claimed up at it and skirted saying it back, but now she tells me every fucking day multiple times a day even when she's pissed at me. We then ended at our city aquarium - hey quick trivia, I was once a "professional mermiad" there. You read that right. Chloe eat your heart out) - where she "stalked me" just to ask if we are real (not just a fun summer fling) and to go steady. I took her to our favorite bar for karaoke, got down on my knee, and she stared at me and just went "shut the FUCK up are you proposing to me?" And before I even knew it, she pulled out a ring and we just laughed and kissed. We wanted to update you the good news. I'm up to sing "At Last" for karaoke so gotta be on my toes to serenade my fiance. Fuck me you guys I just said fiance. I have a fucking fiance. Me! With her! I'm so fucking dumb happy right now. Sorry. Rambling. Love you all so much. I love everything right now.   EDITOR'S NOTE: It has been brought to my attention regarding this BoRU not formatting correctly with the missing letters at each paragraph. I have cleared the possible issue with the moderators of the sub. Many of you might be dealing with glitches. I posted this from desktop and wasn't missing anything. My apologies to all. Thank you.   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/busyastralprojecting. She posted in r/AITAH Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. Mood Spoiler: good ending for OOP Original Post: August 14, 2024 my boyfriend and i planned a trip for the end of the summer months ago. last night we were still trying to decide how we’d get to the airport, when my mom told me that she could take us before work. i told my boyfriend who lives 30 mins from my house to be at my house no later than 6am for my mother to drive us to the airport at 6:15. he promised that he would be there around 5:45. this morning, he was nowhere to be seen or heard from until around 6:20. he told me that his phone “fell” and he didn’t hear it. by then, my mom had to leave and take just me or she’d be late to work. i told him that he should drive to the airport or get an uber. his mom decides that she will drive him an hour to the airport, since he was too late for my mom to take us. he gets to the airport a little after me and i check in our bags. we get to the bag drop, and he realizes he does not have his ID. his wallet is at his house which is about an hour from the airport. i tell him that i’m going to continue to TSA and go to the gate. his mom is going back to get his wallet, which will obviously take a while. i tell him that i’m getting on the flight regardless, and that if he misses it then it’s a result of his own mishaps. he then begins to ask me what to do if he misses it. i tell him that he’s an adult, and should figure out a way to make it to our destination by contacting customer service. i planned everything for the trip down to the flights and travel arrangements. i feel like at this point, i’ve done all i can do to ensure a successful and smooth trip and i don’t feel as if it’s my responsibility to do damage control for him if he misses the flight. there is no refund for the airBNB that we split the price for if we do not go. AITAH for continuing without him? Relevant Comments: (OOP had hundreds of comments so I only picked a few) Commenter: Is he like this in other aspects of life? Honestly, it sounds exhausting. If so, some time alone will help you gain some perspective. Enjoy your trip, alone or otherwise. OOP: He’s often late, which is why I told him an earlier time specifically to avoid that. I called him endlessly and he didn’t wake up until way after the time we agreed upon. His mom had to go to him and wake him up. I told her that I was going to leave without him and she said, “He was up late”. So was I…I already told him that I was getting exhausted of planning literally everything and that I want him to begin to take some charge and responsibility, and this happens… Commenter: Sounds like maybe he should go on a trip with his mom instead, since she’s so willing to put up with his 💩💩. OOP: This is a pattern that I’ve noticed from her repeatedly. It’s definitely making me reconsider some things now. Commenter: It feel like you are mothering him, since you need to keep on calling him to wake up and keep up with the itinerary for the trip. Does he alway need to keep on rely on people to remind him? OOP: He has overslept and been late for different things on multiple occasions. He does work hard and used to work night shifts, so I let it slide. But he did not work yesterday and took a nap during the day. For context - I didn’t take a nap, did errands all day and stayed up late for online class. Still woke up on time 🙃 Get on that plane! I’m going to board! When we were checking our bags, he asked me how to put the bag tag on… at that point I was over it and already decided I’m taking this vacation, with him or not. He’s actually leaving for Marine bootcamp on Sept. 3 which is why we planned the trip. OOP clarifies: I have ADHD as well so I understand. I’ll forget where I put a hair clip that’s in my hair. I tell him to set multiple alarms all the time and he has an Apple watch that’s never charged. (to another commenter): I have ADHD so I completely understand. The issue with that is, he doesn’t really advocate for himself. He has struggled with mental health issues and refused to go to therapy. He has cystic acne and only this year saw a dermatologist because I called around places in our state until I found someone that would schedule an appointment. Commenter: NTA. Please update as to whether or not he made the flight. OOP: He’s currently asking me the gate number (I already told him). I told him to download the app and gave him the confirmation number. He told me to “stop making it harder for him”. Commenter: Did you reply "Stop making it harder for ME" OOP: I put my phone on airplane mode, as the pilot directed 😂 Commenter: Erm...how do I say this gently... What are his redeeming qualities? OOP: He’s very kind, loving, respectful, and will provide just about anything morally or materially that I need. Buuut considering whether that’s enough now. Commenter: Did he make the plane? OOP: No. Coming later tonight on another (to another commenter:) Lol, he didn’t make the flight but he’s on another one later tonight. I also was really beginning to enjoy the idea of going alone. Commenter: Best part of this story was, my bf, not my fiancée, keep him if you want, but how long do you want to give him enough time to grow up? OOP: Lol, that’s true. We have been discussing marriage for a while. I’m going to reverse that discussion later today. (to another): Well, we’re on the trip together for 5 days. He’s arriving later I don’t want to sour the rest of the time. But once we return I will make an important decision. Mini Update: 16 hours later He’s here. I told him I don’t want to talk about it tonight. Mini Update 2: next day There are no bad vibes. We had a conversation and he agreed with my concerns. Update Post: August 18, 2024 (4 days later) This is long, but asked for. Skip the first body of text if you read the OG post. I think the trip - despite the mishaps and the conclusion that I’m going to come to at the end of this note - was eye opening for me and I’m grateful for it. I have had a track record of misjudging and misinterpreting behaviors, and I promised myself that it wouldn’t happen again. So I set my boundaries early. The trip began with him oversleeping and therefore not meeting me at my house to carpool to the airport. Not a heinous act in itself, but something that has happened multiple times on different occasions. Once he finally awoke and met me at the airport, late, his discovered that he did not have his wallet. The most important thing to have when traveling. Wondering how someone could forget something so essential, I waited for him to look for it to no avail. He called his mother - blaming her for rushing him in the morning (which could have been avoided by him being a responsible adult and waking up on time and preparing his things the night before) and not taking any accountability. Luckily, she came to his rescue. But not soon enough. He had to rebook his flight and arrived later that day. In the process, still asking me what gate number the flight was (while the gate number was displayed on a screenshot that he sent me), instead of using the information that I spoon fed to him. I organized the entire trip. Down to transportation, flight, accommodations, and more. I gave him a small ball to carry, and he still dropped it. In the process of dropping that ball, he failed to take accountability for his actions. I should’ve known how the rest of the trip would go. During the trip, there were multiple instances that solidified the feelings that were already looming. Outbursts of anger that were followed by child-like behavior and excuses. When confronted, there were only excuses and a lack of accountability. All followed by, “but I’m trying so hard”, “what am I doing wrong?”, despite the issue being directly explained. He lost his debit card and despite my efforts in tracing his steps, calling businesses we visited, and everything, he stormed off ahead of me in range, leaving me behind, walking alone on the street. When I explained why that bothered me and was unacceptable, here came more excuses and rambling about how he didn’t mean for it to happen, but still did it. While walking to different restaurants, he cussed at men who’d even look at me. Stare them down and almost cause a scene. He misplaced his wallet before dinner, and acted in the same rage full manner - cussing, slamming things, throwing items around, instead of calmly looking for his wallet. I sat there in disbelief, as this behavior had not been something I had seen before. I told him that this was unattractive and demonstrated a lack of control and emotional maturity. More excuses. There are probably more examples that I could use, but they’re fleeing my mind. It’s the night before departure. I’m in tears. It started at the beach. We decided to take a night swim. All was well, until he lost his ring in the ocean. Luckily, I was right next to him, so I was able to quickly use my hands and grab it. He got out to put it in the sand (smart, right). Once we were done, he got upset that I sent his mom a video of him dancing. I walked away because I didn’t want to hear it. He then called me back to tell me that he lost his ring in the sand. We look for the ring (by we, I mean me on my hands and knees and him walking around with a flashlight). I finally find it. We begin to walk back to the room. I say, “can I say something serious? I am beginning to feel like your mother sometimes. Keeping track of your things and helping you do damage control”. He responds with a lot - how I didn’t have to help him, how I don’t acknowledge everything he’s been doing (like calling Ubers and paying for things), how I’m not like his mom and how he didn’t ask me to do anything. In anger, I tell him fuck you and walk away. Yes, I know this is unkind and I did apologize for my behavior later. I walk to the room alone. He begs me to talk when he gets there, and I don’t want to. I shower and tell him one thing, “this trip has really made me reconsider whether I want to be in the relationship”. He goes berserk - begging me please to talk to him, saying that I don’t acknowledge all the “good” he’s doing, on and on. I tell him that I don’t wish to have the conversation, don’t wish to be touched, and want to be left alone. Here, I also apologize for my rude words (without making any excuses). He tells me I’m always rude (prior to dating, I did use harsh words when he showed up to my house unexpectedly and demonstrated other signs of emotional immaturity and ignored my wishes). He begins to try to hug me, I tell him to get off of me. He continues to touch me as I try to lay down in the bed, trying to hug and hold my hand. Here, I break down in tears. I run to the bathroom and begin to sob. I come out, as he’s continually crying and begging me to talk to him. He begins to raise his voice and make a scene. I run to grab the pull out bed from the closet to sleep on. He blocks me and pushes the bed, telling me I don’t need it. I get increasingly aggregated because I’m being blocked, and tell him to move out of my way and leave me alone. He doesn’t, and protests by sitting on the pull out bed. I rip the comforter off of the actual bed and make a bed on the floor. He takes the blanket and pillows from under me, saying he won’t let me sleep on the floor. He continues to yell in my ear for me to get up, that he loves me, put everything behind us, while he keeps pulling the pillow that I reclaimed. He has finally left me alone on the floor. Leaving for the airport in 3 hours. Relevant Comments: OOP clarifies: I was thinking about changing my flight, honestly. I am still trying to figure out the logistics of a break up, like how and when that could happen. After OOP checks on other flights: The flight we have is the earliest of the day. There are others, but no confirmed seats, only standby. Commenter: Thats only going to escalate in future arguments. Get home safe please and never see this man again OOP: It’s concerning because the type of rage that was ignited in me is a type that has only come out with past exes. Being cornered and my personal space violated is something I just cannot do… at all. I will say that I did try to push him out of the way, maybe I shouldn’t have, and raised my voice because I was afraid that his yelling would get us kicked out (our reservation has a quiet hours policy). Get the hell out of where you are staying: I was thinking about this. The AirBnB is under my name. I already know that I can’t really trust him with following the closing procedures, so I’m worried about incurring a fee if he leaves something incomplete. Also, if I get up now, I KNOW he will try to prevent me from leaving. Commenter: You had every right to express your anger and frustration. Women are raised from girlhood to "be nice" and "get along" and "keep the peace". The time for that is over. It's now "fuck this shit" time. Stop being nice. Be blunt. Be rude if you have to. You need to get him the hell away from you and you need to never believe his sniveling "I'm trying" bullshit again. OOP: I told him “fuck you” earlier, when I told him that I felt like I was his mom and he said, “You didn’t have to help me look for the ring, I just asked for help”. He said I was rude and that he would never speak to me like that and that his friends tell him to leave me because of how rude I always am to him. He also called me rude because I left to the room and had the key and he had to get someone else to let him in. Commenter: If you feel unsafe: Record a future conversation and send it to his mom. OOP: I just thought of this…hours later. Although, I do feel like it will not change anything. When he walked away from me the other day, I told her, and she told me to “just be happy with him and be in love and work things out”. She makes excuses for him constantly. Commenter: When I read your first post, I was concerned. He sounded like a teenage gamer. But during the holiday he was very aggressive. Time to get out. Just block him on everything. Why I talked about talking to his mom was bc. she has enabled his behavior for his entire life. She knows what he’s like. OOP: Yeah. There was an instance recently when we went to a soccer game where he was aggressive. He had drinks, and some guy was bumping into him. I was sober and believed it wasn’t intentional (I witnessed the entire thing) but he swore the guy was bumping him on purpose. It was a crowded game and we were exiting, everyone was touching someone. He began to heavily body check the guy back with extreme force. He went to the bathroom and the guy came up to me and told me that my boyfriend is going to meet the wrong person one day. So embarrassing. I should have audio taped, I feel stupid now. However, I feel like she would definitely make an excuse for him, nonetheless. Commenter: Why did you start dating someone who couldn't be respectful even before you were dating? OOP: He wasn’t like this before. The aggression is something I haven’t witnessed. Commenter: I meant the showing up unexpectedly and "ignoring your wishes." What got you past the red flags and into this? I'm not trying to be mean. Just understand. OOP: I guess the apologies and giving the benefit of the doubt (that so many people were upset that I didn’t give him in my initial post). I do like to give a first, and even second chance. I’m not perfect and don’t expect my partners to be. He apologized for the previous behavior and made certain strides in areas, but obviously not the ones that matter the most. Commenter: Serious question. Is he an alcoholic? He dated one and on a mini vacation he acted just like this. A petulant child. Or is he just weaponized immaturity? OOP: In the past, he has used alcohol to “self medicate” and deal with emotions. On one instance, his mom had to drive to his Apple location and found him drunk, asleep in a car outside a friend’s house when he promised her he’d be home soon. I’m not sure if the frequency or amount of his drinking would warrant a formal diagnosis of alcoholism, but both of his parents had issues with alcohol during his entire childhood. His mom says that he always gets “like that” when he drinks, as well. We don’t drink together often as a couple, but when we do this has never happened before, we’ve just gone to clubs and had fun. Mini Update: A few hours later I’m at the airport now. When I left he was asleep. He hasn’t messaged me or read my texts and his location isn’t moving, so I’m assuming he’s still asleep. Boarding in 10 mins. Several hours later: I left for the airport, alone. When I left he was asleep. When I boarded the plane, he texted me saying that I should have woken him up so that he didn’t miss the flight. He said that I should have at least woken him up because apparently his phone was on silent. One relevant comment: He actually overslept because I left while he was sleeping to get to the airport. He missed the flight. I sent him a text explaining everything and did let him know to not come to my house or I will call the police. Another few hours later: Thank you! He is currently texting my mom long paragraphs trying to explain his behavior. I told her to ignore him. OOP clarifies that she broke up with him: I did it via text. NEW UPDATE from OOP in the comments of this post: Hey! Thanks for your support, we did break up. He is leaving in a week. (to a different commenter): OP here. I did break up with him via text. I told him not to contact my parents or come to our home. He did both the next day, texting my mom and leaving flowers at my doorstep. He is continually telling me he will seek therapy and that I am the only woman for him who he still loves. And a clarification: OP here - I finished the clean-up tasks before I left and while he was asleep. About ex's job: OP here - He was fired twice for tardiness from walmart and a warehouse Ex's mom: His mother actually told him that he should move on and find someone who doesn’t fight with him all the time. I told her initially that his behavior was abusive and she agreed that he sounded like his dad, her ex husband (physically, sexually, verbally, emotionally abusive). I told her that I wouldn’t even consider him in the future unless he sought therapy and that I had concerns about him passing bootcamp. She told me that therapy makes your brain sick and that he should find someone who believes in him. Again, do NOT comment on Original Posts or message OOP. submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Quirky_Scientist_835 AITAH for wanting a divorce from an otherwise good marriage because of unsatisfying sex? Originally posted to r/AITAH TRIGGER WARNING: manipulation, coercion, neglect emotional abuse, stalking Original Post March 11, 2024 Throwaway because I am pretty sure he knows my main account Me (F40s) met my husband (M40s) when we were in college. Both from very conservative religious backgrounds. Married super young and had 3 kids relatively quickly. The youngest will be an adult soon. To say I was sexually repressed would be an understatement. I didn’t even have my first orgasm until I was 22 years old and it was practically by accident. Sex with my husband has always been satisfactory. In the beginning especially it was more about the intimacy and closeness and less about the act itself or getting off. My husband has, ahem, a hair trigger, and gets excited (and it’s over) easily. Still to this day over 20 years later. I think he’s a premature ejaculator but no official diagnosis or anything. So sex is often over quickly. He doesn’t want to leave me hanging so he will then try to get me off manually but over 90% of the time I just fake orgasms to get it over with because I know he can’t get me there. He is not adventurous. He doesn’t want to have oral sex (giving or receiving). He’s ok with taking direction but me just constantly telling him what to do turns into a mood killer for me. Any time I discuss working on our sex life he shuts down. Based on an experience we had about 12 or 13 years ago where we went to therapy for something that happened (not related to our marriage) he will not entertain the thought of therapy. Not sure if it’s because of the sex, but I’m only sometimes attracted to him. Some days I see him and I’m sure I have hearts in my eyes. Other times, especially in bed, I feel nothing. I have faked being asleep to avoid sex with him. Other times I will initiate sex and basically use him like a sex toy, but I no longer feel any emotional connection. Aside from sex, our marriage is great. We raised wonderful humans. He loves and dotes on me. He still sends flowers to my work. He is patient and thoughtful and listens. He’s affectionate and always wants hugs or cuddles. He has always been good about sharing housework and responsibilities. He’s always been a super hands on dad. My family loves him and his family loves me. We have a lot of shared hobbies and interests. I genuinely enjoy his company. I don’t know if this is a mid life crisis but I have a constant nagging thought that THIS IS IT and I hate it. I’ve chosen to be married to him which means I will never have a single enjoyable sexual experience with another human being for the rest of my life. I am not an ultimatum person and even if I gave him one, he’s not going to magically turn into a good sexual partner. I have the number of some divorce lawyers and I’m thinking of calling them and just exploring. Sometimes the idea of being single is terrifying and sometimes I think, it’s not so bad. When I told my best friend, she flipped out. She said she would never speak with me again if I did this and that I’d lost my mind. She said it would be horrible and I would ruin a good man’s life. AITA? Editing to add some details because people keep asking/commenting: Yes, I own a vibrator. He does not want it used during sex. I have tried introducing porn. He is not open to it. I have been to therapy and will definitely be going again to a counselor. He is not open to it. I am not a convincing liar and in most cases he knows I’m faking orgasms (he frequently questions whether I just faked it) but he also now sees it as the signal for throwing in the towel and is ok to just stop there and cuddle. I have been blunt and open and honest about it. He shuts down. He will walk away, or cry, or sometimes say he’s open to change but then nothing will actually change. UPDATE 3/12: thanks everyone for your input. I wanted to hear it, good and bad. I made an appointment with a therapist for the end of this week. I am working on a list of things I would like to see change (working on limiting his alcohol consumption, addressing his health issues/obesity, not avoiding difficult conversations) in addition to the sexual issues and will work with the therapist to figure out how to address them. A lot of what is going through my mind right now was the result of having 10 days to myself where he had to travel to Asia for work, and how happy and easy my life felt during that time. He was texting and calling constantly telling me how much he missed being home, while I was loving “single life” where I cooked whatever meals I wanted and went out where I wanted and went on hikes and had coffee with co-workers and hung out with my youngest just the two of us. I was masturbating at least once a day and having amazing orgasms. If I had thrown casual sex into the mix in that time, I probably would have been the happiest I’ve been in years. When he got back, he looked like absolute shit and said “I never want to be apart that long again.” We had sex within an hour of him coming home, and afterwards he was blissed out and I was numb. I think that’s when it hit me how much more he gets from our relationship. Whether we stay together or not, something needs to change. Update Apr 30, 2024 Update to this post I made a couple of months ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/ZNnq2852Iu This is long and rambling so the tl/dr version is: in therapy, and things are the same or maybe worse. I took all of the comments to heart, particularly the critical ones. I met with two divorce lawyers that week to chat through what the divorce could look like. At the time I didn’t expect it to be contentious but I just wanted to know what the process would be. We have our house and some other assets in trust, and we’ve been together so long that I wasn’t sure how simple it would be tonight unwind. I love the house and I was the one who did most of the design and renovation, so my plan was to offer to buy him out of it if it came to that. Sat husband down and told him that I met with lawyers, and he said “I know.” Turns out he’s been tracking me on Find My almost nonstop 24/7, and that one of the offices was the only address he didn’t recognize as one of my usual haunts so he drove by it. I didn’t ask about the second one I saw, but it’s next to a big shopping mall we frequent so I think he must have just assumed that’s where I was. I asked if he thought I was having an affair and he replied with, “No, I know you’re not.” Well yeah, because you’re tracking me. I guess. Anyway, he said he knew this was coming, and wanted to do whatever it took to fix things. I told him I don’t know if that’s going to be possible, but at a minimum I would need: ​ Couples counseling for us. At least one visit to a sex therapist. Individual therapy for him. For him to sort out his health (follow the new diet from the endocrinologist, take the meds he’s been prescribed, use the CPAP consistently, etc.). ​ I told him I would be with him every step of the way and support him in all of it, but nothing was going to happen unless he took initiative. I also asked what he needed from me and all he said was “No more talk of breaking up or divorce.” I said ok to this, and also told him that I knew he hated administrative tasks like making appointments and getting insurance approvals, I could help with all of those things, even his. At first he agreed with the plan and vehemently insisted that he was on board. Finding an available LMFT with an appointment was not easy but I managed to find one that was in network and they had an opening two days later. Husband hemmed and hawed about going because it was “so soon”. Then he said “It’s a woman, so you and she will just gang up on me.” I canceled that appointment and it wasn’t easy, but I found a male therapist who could squeeze us in for the following week. I found a different male therapist for him to see alone, but that appointment was 3 weeks out. I also made a follow up endocrinologist appointment for him and that hasn’t happened yet, and he still hasn’t filled his prescriptions or started the diet. On the day of the therapy appointment which was 6 pm on a Thursday, I'm in the waiting room 10 minutes before the appointment when my husband texts, "emergency at work. be there a little late." This man has had the same job for 23 years and the only time that there was an emergency that would have required him to stay that late was when someone literally died. The therapist comes out and introduces himself, I go in, and when I explain the situation he tells me that he's seen a partner get cold feet about therapy many times. I'm embarrassed and self conscious about it but he assures me there's nothing to be upset about, it's not my fault, and would I like to proceed and chat without my husband. I call my husband and put him on speakerphone. He says he can only talk for a few minutes and has to run for this mysterious emergency. I start crying and I hang up on him, and then spend the rest of the time telling the therapist why I am pushing for counseling in the first place. The entire session was basically me vomiting words and crying. I would like to say it was cathartic, but it wasn't. It was just sad to hear it all out loud for the first time. I come home, and husband is waiting with dinner. I ignore him, pack a bag, and head to middle child's apartment. I end up spending the weekend there while I try to sort out what to do. Husband texts me frequently but mostly leaves me alone. Middle child has a heart to heart with him but they end up arguing and that situation itself gets strained, which unfortunately hasn’t improved. Husband thinks middle child plays favorites. It is true, but husband hasn’t been helping that situation. On Monday when I'm in the office, I get an email from the therapy practice that a new appointment has been made for the following evening. Husband took the initiative to make the appointment. I go home Monday night, and a long apology letter is written out to me, and he's left me a necklace as a gift. My husband is a terrible gift giver - he spends money like it's going out of style but none of his gifts are thoughtful or made with the person in mind, but this is a specific necklace that I bookmarked so at first I was pleasantly surprised. Then I realized that the only way he'd know about the necklace was from the bookmark, so yeah, he's also snooping through my Macbook. The therapy appointment is the following day so I just ignore him when he comes home, sleep in a guest room, and ignore him the following morning. We go to therapy that night, and my husband actually participates and answers questions. This session goes fine, and we have one later in the week which is fine too. I'm not seeing any immediate changes, but you know, Rome wasn't built in a day, so I'm going to be patient. Meanwhile, the therapist gives us the info for a sex therapist and highly encourages us to make an appointment, which I do right away. We see the sex therapist that weekend, and I'm still in the guest bedroom and nowhere near ready to have sex, but the therapist encourages me to move forward with the prompts/homework for sex for that week. I go back into our bedroom that night (just for sleep) and we follow the prompts the following night and have what is without a close second the best sex we have had ever. Seriously, over 2 decades, and it was the most satisfying sexual experience I have ever had. I was walking on a cloud for days. That bubble popped the following week. We were still going to see the couples therapist twice a week, his individual therapy appointment was next week, and we had another appointment with the sex therapist the next month. Not much has changed in the day to day but again, I'm being patient. My husband actually initiates sex one night, and as we are getting into it, he says, "Can we go back to regular sex now?" Because for him, "regular" sex where he gets off and I don't was just peachy. I start to cry, and now he's holding me and I swear he's almost relieved to be off the hook and not have to have sex at all. Middle child wanted to go to a concert that was out of town and asked if I'd dogsit the new puppy, so instead of just going over there for a few hours a day like I'd been planning, I packed a bag and ended up spending almost a week there and let middle child have some more time on vacation. Husband texted, called, and showed up every day but I wouldn't talk to him or let him in, and only saw him at therapy sessions. The therapy sessions end up being a waste of time, with my husband half admitting that he has unaddressed problems, but not really willing to change any behaviors. The therapist was super patient but I could feel an undercurrent of exasperation, like...what is it you people are trying to save? Husband is a stew of repression, insecurity, health issues, Madonna-Whore complexes, and unaddressed childhood trauma. He's so averse to confrontation that he would literally buy his way out of a difficult conversation if given the choice. Nothing will change as long as he's unwilling to work on that. I move back in, and I even move back into the bedroom. Husband ended up skipping individual therapy because "Isn't two sessions a week enough?" Didn't even cancel, he just didn't go. Went back once to the sex therapist, but with a borderline catatonic look on his face and didn't say or do much the entire time other than nod. I've been back at home, going through the motions of life. Husband initiates sex constantly and I go along with it, but have only gotten off twice in about 12 or 15 times (and I am no longer faking it). Husband is so happy because as far as he's concerned, everything is fine even when I tell him it's not. I know the right thing to do is to just divorce, but I feel so messed up in the head that I just want to throw a proverbial grenade into my life and like cheat by bringing a guy home or something. That's it. No happy ending (no pun intended), no unhappy unending. Just limbo. RELEVANT COMMENTS Usual-Archer-916 If I were you I would come right out and ask him why he didn't give a damn about your pleasure. And make him actually answer the question. OOP This was something raised during therapy. According to him, he’s insecure about disappointing me because I’m so fucking precious that he doesn’t even want to try and be a let down. Like - no sexual experience is good enough for me. I wish I was making that up, but it’s almost verbatim his answer. ~ GroundbreakingWing48 First and foremost change every password to every device. Turn off Find My access to him. Turn on two factor authentication and change your Apple ID password. Finally, do a factory reset on your phone and tablet (if you have one) and re-set it up manually. Shut down the stalking/invasion of privacy immediately. Do NOT wait until you file for divorce. OOP Will it make any difference though? I honestly don’t know if I care if he sees anything. I have been journaling for years and transitioned to typed journals many years ago, and I found out he’s been reading them. I don’t think there’s a corner of my life and brain that he hasn’t been in. It feels too late and too unimportant to care. OOP when told she shouldn't vent to the kids I never vent to my kids. They’ve heard nothing from me other than “I just need a little space, ok with you if I hang here?” Middle child and my husband got into it mostly because of the constant surveillance, which husband does with two of the three kids also (and probably would for the third given the chance). OOP posted a comment after the BoRU was posted Here Looks like this got picked up on another board because I’m getting a lot of comments and messages. Thanks to everyone who posted and sent kind notes. I realize that I made my husband seem like a super-villain, but nothing is quite that black and white. He’s not just a caricature of a person who does bad things; he’s done so many good things in his life, and is beloved by many, me included. Obviously he’s very comfortable (too comfortable?) in our marriage and is letting his issues and childhood trauma destroy it. I’m sure if someone looked objectively at me, they’d see flaws too: I have shades of being vain and materialistic, I can be pretty judgmental, and I know I am also something of a libertine when it comes to sexuality. I have always been very permissive with my kids and he’s had to be the disciplinarian and figure of authority. In my professional life, I have been fairly ruthless and I’ve made a lot of money doing what I do, sometimes to the detriment of others. I have changed so much from the time I met him. That’s not a bad thing, people change from when they are 18/19. But I’m not the person he married and I haven’t been for a long time, and he still stuck it out. I painted a picture of a selfish person, and I’m not saying he’s not. Except I know that I am too. I don’t know what’s going to happen with us, but I am pretty sure our marriage won’t survive much longer. I’m all over the map with how I feel about that. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Excellent-Plastic-37 My ex-Fiancé (M44) cheated on me 20 years ago. Should I (F44) Go out to dinner with him to catch up? Originally posted to r/relationship_advice TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity, alcoholism, financial struggles, fertility issues MOOD SPOILER: Hopeful Original Post Oct 17, 2023 So, apologies if this is a long one. I've just kind of been mulling it over with pros an cons. Burner account for obvious reasons since my main is my business account. ​ A little bit of backstory. When I first met 'Mark' (Fake name), it was back in Junior year of high school. My parents had a pretty bad divorce (Mother had an affair) and essentially abandoned me, so my father packed up and I moved to a new state to live with him, I'm extremely close with my father because of this, and we had a close bond. Anyway, this was a lot, I was struggling to deal with everything emotionally and I withdrew a lot, my grades got bad and I acted out. Mark was someone I became acquainted to very quickly. Think troublemaker/bully type deal. Anyway, I avoided him like the plague, but I was new, I was small, so easy pickings. He cornered me one time, calling me names and I'm not sure what the trigger was (Just a lot of built up emotions) but I punched him, which led to a fight. (A one-sided one looking back. He was much larger than me but never swung back) After this, he did an ENTIRE 180 on his personality. He stopped bullying others, apologized, left me love letters, followed me everywhere, until I just snapped and asked what his deal was. I still get butterflies when I think back on it (Embarrassing, I know, but it makes me feel like a kid again) But he told me that he wanted to be a better person for me, and that he liked me. This kind of just started something between us. I started helping him study, I got a close friend who I could talk to, we hung out whenever we could, and we eventually started dating. This mans grades went from Ds and Cs to As. He worked so hard just to apply for the same College as me and to follow me. Well, this led to an amazing couple of years, I can't even describe how happy he made me, he was sweet, caring, kind. He always bought me flowers, everything you could ever want in a man basically. During College, we got an apartment together, And shortly after got engaged. Life felt perfect, I had a decent job, I considered him the love of my life. We started having hiccups. Nothing major, some small fights here and there, some money issues, some jealousy issues. Again, nothing we couldn't work through. But the conversations and fights kept repeating, and they spiraled because we were both young and immature (We started having real world problems) Just before this, we started trying to a baby, which spiraled everything further because we had fertility issues. Something that really pushed everything to it's limit was when he couldn't get a job after College. We were struggling financially and I was the main one providing. It stressed him out and brought up a lot of insecurity issues for him because I was doing what he felt was 'his job' (Different time I guess) Some info. His parents are ridiculously wealthy, his father owns a construction company and he's never had to 'struggle' for things before. When he moved out, he was determined to make it on his own, despite his father offering him a job at his company. This is something that caused further arguments, because I was upset that he was so prideful that he'd rather suffer than work for his dad, while he was upset that I wasn't supportive of his decision because he didn't get along with his dad at the time. It all came to a head when we had a pretty explosive argument, I went to stay with my dad after packing my bags, got cold feet after a day and missed him, came home to him shirtless, hugging a women on our couch. The blow up is as you can imagine. I cried and yelled at him, he kept saying "Please!, its not what it looks like!" but when I'd ask for more information, he'd just stutter and couldn't elaborate. I called off the engagement, moved back to my fathers place and cut contact. He reached out a couple of times, apologizing for cheating on me and begging for another chance, but I just physically couldn't. After what I saw my father go through, cheating was a HARD boundary, and I nursed my hurt feelings for a couple of months. It got too much for me one time when he sent me a letter, and I just couldn't bring myself to read it, so I got my job to transfer me out of state and I moved, Made my dad promise not to tell Mark where I was, and moved on with my life. Well! That's basically it, I ended up marrying my ex husband when I was 34. We got divorced when I was 39 because he was having an affair with his coworker (I have many colorful words for this man) And he left me when she got pregnant. They're married now and very unhappy (Baby wasn't even his so I guess small victories.) Anyway, my life has improved a lot since me and Mark split. I genuinely believe what happened was for the best (Although I wish it ended on good terms) We were both young and needed to grow as individuals, I went back to college for a culinary degree, started my own catering company and I'm now very happy with my life and my cats. My original degree was in accounting and I realized how much I hated it shortly after I left for my new job. So I was back in my original state for a wedding I was hired to cater for. This specific day (Yesterday) was a vacation day, so I told my team to just go have fun. They went out for drinks, I opted out and decided to walk down memory lane a little bit, I was walking when I heard someone shout my name, followed by some loud car honks. I turn around and I see a man running up to me, and it takes me a few seconds to process who it is. (He's aged a bit) and he was very clearly out of breath. Honestly, it felt like I was back in school with him. My heart fluttered and his ears did this thing they always do and they turned red when he was talking to me (I mean, it's winter so it was cold as shit too) and I just couldn't stop staring at him. He asked the pleasantries, how was I doing? You look good. I've missed you. All that jazz. We talk for a bit longer and he asked me If I was married. I explain that I was divorced and asked him the same question, he said that he never married and has been single for a long time. I asked how things have been in general, and he explained that he now ran his fathers construction company, I was happy for him, gave my congratulations and then he asked me out for dinner to catch up. I said yes, because truthfully I'd like to know what has happened in his life since I left. We exchanged numbers and had a hug goodbye, and I cant even explain how much I missed hugging him, everything just felt perfect. So. why am I on here for advice? when I so clearly want to meet him for dinner? well I talked to some of my girl friends and they were appalled that I'd even consider seeing an ex who cheated. It's just dinner so I don't think its a big deal, but they were adamant that it was a bad idea and it started to make me think. Also, I kind of want to go just so we could talk about what happened back then, we never really sat down and talked about his infidelity, and I cant lie that I'm a bit curious. Besides that, it's been 20 ish years and I've moved on, I've lived my life and im happy. He was someone I cared about deeply, and It'd be nice to have him back in my life (As a friend, I'm not expecting anything.) So..... advice? Surely it won't be a big deal if I go right? Update Oct 19, 2023 Hi Hi! I'm back after our dinner. A lot of people asked for an update which I'm quite flattered about, I didn't think my dilemma was that important, but I'm back! Short story? Dinner was great! It was amazing talking to him again, and even though we touched some emotional topics, it felt good being able to show that emotional connection we shared. Long story? We talked about a lot of things, neither of us really wanted it to end I don't think. This man, Urgh. He remembered the restaurant we had our first date at and took me there. The restaurant no longer exists, but the building still does and it's a different chain now. The food left much to be desired, but it felt like a blast from the past and it was so heartwarming. A bit of backstory. On our first date as semi adults, he came dressed in a suit (Despite the restaurant being lowkey) slicked back hair and some flowers. I remember how much we laughed because I was just wearing casual clothes and we looked like completely different vibes. Well he showed up today, in another suit, with slicked back hair (That is way out of style) and flowers, just like back then. I felt all warm and I teased him for going back to the past. I made a comment about how he was missing his earing (He had a horrendous dangle earing back in the day because it was 'cool') and he smiled and took it out of his pocket. He couldn't put it on because his ear had since closed up, but he brought it because he wanted to 'complete the look' so he just held it. We went through small talk. How life had been, any major events. I was sad to hear that his father had passed away in 2015. I wasn't exactly close with him but it was still disheartening. They repaired their relationship before he passed which is good at least. I asked about any partners, kind of a nosy "How come you never married?" and we kind of went onto a more emotional side of things. He said that he tried, that he dated after we split, but it never worked out long enough to be long-term. He said that he had been single for a couple of years now and was just content on remaining like that as he didn't think he'd find someone he connected to like he did with me (Smooth talker) He asked me about my marriage, the gory details. I didn't mind telling him since I find the whole thing a learning experience now. He was sympathetic, then laughed when I joked about it, so I'm sure he knows I'm not hung up on it. I used this to kind of propel myself into what I wanted to ask, and that was about what happened back then. He smiled, said that he had been waiting to talk about it and that he was happy to finally air it all out. In basic terms. After our argument that day, everything felt like too much. The pretty standard issues that I had already known about. He was embarrassed, felt like a failure and was too prideful to talk about it with me, so resentments built up and he went out to drink. That's where he met the lovely lady. They talked for a bit and flirted, which led to him drunkenly bringing her home. He got a bit shy saying this part but I guess its just because he's embarrassed. Anyway, they were making out as they got in, she had started unbuttoning his shirt when he saw a picture of us together next to the couch. It was of a trip we took to Seattle and it was HELL. like no exaggeration, everything that went wrong could have, but a story for another time. Anyway, he said that when he saw us, saw me, he was just hit with this massive sober moment, and he pulled away. He confessed that he had a fiancée, and that he was just going through it, he ended up opening up and venting to her and crying which is when I walked in and saw them embracing. Honestly? It could be a lie, it could very well be some long term trickle truthing, but I just don't see the reason. Even if he was having an entire affair, I've gotten over it now so it wouldn't have made much difference, but at least I know who she is now (Because admittedly, it had been bugging me that I didn't recognize her at all) He apologized again, he said that he should have told me the full truth back then instead of hiding it, but that in his opinion, his infidelity more than just a kiss, because he had the intention of doing it when he met her at the bar, so he couldn't blame it on a 'drunken decision' because he had plenty of time between the flirting and bringing her home. He said that also felt like despite how it ended, it was ultimately the best outcome for the relationship at the time, because he needed to grow as a person, and that he was too ashamed to let me see him during that time. The time after when he tried to win me back, he was still in the 'I don't need change' phase and kept sending letters. Once my father told him I left to another state, this was when he got into drinking heavily. I got a bit emotional as he was talking about this because it hurt to hear the state he was in while I left. His voice started breaking so I held his hand and we had a little moment (I screamed when I got to my hotel room) and I encouraged him to talk, so he let it out. It took about 1.5 years for him to snap out of his drinking funk and get better. He sobered up, started working for his dad and made his way up. I'm honestly so proud of him in a weird way? I know I don't really have a right to. But I don't know, something about hearing how much he changed to better himself for him, made me really happy. We took a dodge from the sappy subjects, we ate our food and talked. I can't even describe how good it felt! I was worried that it might be a bit awkward, but our conversation flowed so easily, it was like we never really parted. We made jokes, he still has this goofy grin whenever he's about to tell a stupid joke and it made my heart race slightly when I saw it! All in all, we had a good time! He drove me back to my hotel, he asked how long I was staying and I said a week. He asked if we could plan something else and I said of course! He got a bit blushy (Red tipped ears) and he asked if I would be willing to forgive him after all this time, and possibly see if we could try again. I said that I forgave him a long time ago, and that I wouldn't be against starting something again, but that we'd need to go slow because of our history. He got that goofy grin again and smiled, he held my hand and asked for a kiss, and I said yes! (So much for going slow) I don't want to be overdramatic, but Jesus. we both had to take a minute to calm down after. It's like all of our emotions from the past just bottled out. So! that's basically it, he waved me goodbye and we messaged once he got home. We phoned for a bit before bed and gushed over how nice the day was. I'm doing my skincare now but I had to come post this before bed! I took a lot of what you all said to heart, and you're right, life is too short for what ifs! I don't want to regret not taking this chance, so I'm going to go for it. Thank you all for the comments! I'm not sure if there's a need to update after this, but if there is for whatever reason then I will! I probably missed some things from what happened, but if I remember I'll edit! Anyway, goodnight! RELEVANT COMMENTS Ill-Conversation5210 There is ABSOLUTELY a need to update after this. I want EVERY. SINGLE. DETAIL. Pretend I'm your best friend. Tell me everything about what happens next! OOP replied Haha, should I? We went out for coffee this morning and he gave me a tour of his office! He's grown up so much, I remember when he used to complain about having to wear suits and working in an enclosed space, but he looks so smart now! I'll spill some details if anything more happens pitrole The secondhand joy I had after reading both posts! That feeling was way too familiar, if I don’t seize the moment I’d regret it for the rest of my life. That must be him when he spotted you. OOP replied Urgh, I get butterflies thinking about it! I'm still surprised he recognized me after so long haha. Impossible_Slip1434 I would be willing to bet that Mark is also getting the “butterfly” feeling. As I’ve mentioned, he clearly still loves you and to be honest, I don’t think he ever stopped. I have a sneaking suspicion that none of his relationships lasted because he was always comparing those women to you and none of them could measure up in his eyes. Again, that’s only my opinion, but from what I’ve read about him, it’s what I personally believe to be true. ​OOP replied I think so too! I'm being hopeful, but today we had dinner again, and had a proper in-depth talk about everything, and he told me "I want nothing more than to make up for lost time, to experience all of the moments we missed out on, and to wake up in your arms like you used to do when I was having a bad day." which was immediately followed by a joke about how I used to love being big spoon despite being short, and that he felt safe like that. Which almost caused a heart attack admittedly because I haven't thought about that in years. (Not all sunshine and peaches. He's one of those people who takes advantage of big spoons and farts on them) Aside from that, I've kind of been suspecting the same thing, as I couldn't exactly see any other reason as the why he never had long term partners. It hurts my heart a little to think that he's been lonely because of his emotions over me, especially since I got married, but even then, It's not like it was an entirely loving relationship so I guess it's fine. OOP HAS APPEARED IN THE THREAD * HERE Hi! It's OP here, I had a lot of fun reading the comments haha. It was a good change of pace compared to the ones I had, but much needed anyway. I've been away for a couple of days so coming back to all of this was a shock! I had to google what hallmark movies are which gave me a good laugh. In perfect time for Christmas right? Maybe I can post an update of my wonderful 'Christmas vacation romance' with Mark. I'll spoil the ending though and say that I'm not in a relationship with Mark! I might seem like some crazy ass lady right now, but I still have some of my brain left. We're not together, and at the moment that's not something I plan on doing! I'd like to clear up some small things, although theyre not really important lol. So yes, I have a catering business! When I say 'Business account' on reddit, I was trying to be a bit fancy, it's a marketing account. I'm in some subs for my state and city, which I use to post things about my business (Also, a business is very loosely, I wish it was a large company, but it's quite small. I have 12 employees, and 6 of them (Including me) do the actual runs/cooking.) It was our first out of state trip for the business which was super exciting! but we mostly travel between local cities for work. I was a bit generous with the vacation time, but that's just because we deserved a break, normally I'll just give us a 2 day rest day (If we're outside our city) The job was from a reference and came very unexpected! We barely had enough time to prepare but decided to take it as the money was good, I genuinely had no reason to come back to that state, so again, total surprise. I realize that I sounded like a lovestruck puppy in my post, and I honestly was. I was riding the high from the entire experience and was (admittedly) moving super fast. I'll be honest. I still haven't completely recovered from my divorce, It really has affected me in ways I can't describe, so when this guy from my past came up, reminding me of my youth and being all charming, I got giddy, I know, yell at me, Now that I'm home I can finally breathe, I can think straight and its a lot better. I'm not planning on getting back together with Mark at the moment, but I AM seeing where things go. I know a lot of you were yelling at me to snap out of this cheaters lies, and I get it, my friends yelled the same thing, and for a time, I did to. But it was 20 years ago. I'm just over it, and that's all I can say. Anyway, thanks for this reddit thing! The comments were refreshing haha. I guess if anyone has questions I can answer? although I'm not sure if there's much to ask. (Also, yes, Mark sounds like a dick, I painted him like that because he WAS a dick. I had never hated someone so much when I first met him, and I didn't really explain it in my post, but I didn't just go "Wow! you're so hot! xoxo" after he switched up. I still actively disliked him for months. What got me to change my opinion was the change I saw in him over those months. I explained it in some of my comments on the update post. I had a really long thread with a user where I went into a lot more detail regarding the little details in between, if anyone is interested) THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/OneTop3934 on his profile   trigger warnings: infidelity, GPS tracking/voice recording, violence   Part 1     08-08-23 UPDATE - Aug 8, 2023 Hi, it's me again. I want to thank everyone who has sent me kind messages and support here on Reddit and even on other platforms - this has really blown up and frankly it's totally bizarre to see my life plastered all over the internet, but it's also nice to see so many people seeming to be genuinely concerned for me. It helps a lot. At first I had a bit of trepidation about how visible this became, like "What have I done???" but since this past weekend I decided to just roll with it. After all, the cat is already out of the bag and I really believe I've done nothing wrong here (despite a small minority of commentators saying otherwise!) I guess there is a lot to go over and so much has happened, most of it, if I'm honest, hasn't been that great. Well, it's actually been downright shitty, but I'll get to that. First off, I left Mark's house pretty late that night. Sarah already knew I was out "discussing business" with him, although she had no idea that the business was actually her sisters affair. But still, it was getting to an unreasonable hour - mostly because I was trying to get up the nerve to go home and face her. After about two or three "pep talks" from Mark, I finally got off my keister and texted Sarah I was coming home and left in my car. As I said in the last update, I was pretty surprised when I got there because when I walked into the house, Evelyn was crying on the couch with Sarah. I hadn't seen Evelyn's car in the driveway when I came home, so this was probably the last thing I was expecting. I froze for a moment and almost turned around and left - this was not how I imagined this going down and I knew that Evelyn's presence was going to make a bad situation a million times worse. Still, I had a time table that I wanted to move on - I had friends I needed to notify and wedding preparations to cancel and the proverbial clock was ticking in the back of my head. When I entered the room, both Sarah and Evelyn looked up at me in acknowledgement, but the tirade of accusations never came. I just stared back, raising my eyes in question. The moment passed and Evelyn went back to crying, Sarah back to comforting and I let it awkwardly hang in the air for half a minute while I thought - it seemed that Marty hadn't mentioned my assistance in the uncovering of Evelyn's affair. I decided to play dumb. Not for any reason other than I wanted to see how Sarah reacted. I took a seat on a recliner, put down my laptop bag and took my phone out of pocket. I made it look like I was fidgeting with it and then asked them "What's going on?" Evelyn just continued to cry, but Sarah looked at me and said "Marty is divorcing Evie." Well, yes - I figured as much. I decided to push ahead with the obvious question. "What for?" I asked her. Sarah stopped patting Evelyn's back for a moment and looked at me. I could almost see her face twist and contort - imagine the look a 5 year old makes when you tell them to eat their broccoli or finish their lima beans. Evelyn shot Sarah a look that I didn't need to be a sister to understand and there was a pregnant pause until Sarah finally said, "She cheated on him." Now, I have to admit. This response freaking floored me. This was absolutely not what I was expecting. Sure, the more cynical readers here might think "Well, the cat was out of the bag, so there's no point in hiding it" and yes, that's true, but it's also true that she could have just as easily feigned ignorance, or even worded it another way, like "Marty accused Evie of cheating" instead of basically confirming it to my face. Maybe I'm being pedantic here, but it's part of my job to pay attention to not only what people say, but how they say it. Evelyn wasn't happy about this. She kind of crumpled into the couch a bit and did this strange combination of a sigh and sob at the same time. I wanted to press on, "go for the gold" to sort of speak, but I must have stammered a bit. Sarah probably interpreted as shock, and well she would have been right in a sense, just not how she assumed. "Did you know?" Sarah didn't say anything, she just nodded, her hand still rubbing her sisters shoulder. I didn't hesitate and asked for the obvious follow up - "How long?" The answer came back a lot easier than I thought it would, "Six months." I was shocked by how easily she admitted to it. Evelyn was shocked as well, she smacked her sisters hand off her and I think even Sarah was a little shocked at saying it out loud. I leaned back in the recliner and rubbed my face. Time to tug the rest of that band aid clear off. "We're not getting married." There were two looks like stunned goats and a chorus of "Huh? What?" from both sisters. I stood up and repeated myself. "We're not getting married. I can't marry someone who would cover up adultery, especially not for 6 months." Sarah sprang off the couch and opened her arms, the body language was "You can't be serious?!" but I just put my hands in front of myself. "I'm serious. I don't like this, not one bit. I don't like that you took part in this and I can't get married to you with how I feel. It would be a mistake." The water works started immediately and even Evelyn did that thing with her mouth that looks like a perch trying to suck air. There were wails from Sarah, accusations of not loving her, appeals to my sense of duty, to the loss of money, the inconvenience to all our friends, the embarrassment of it all. It was frankly nothing I hadn't already thought about, but it definitely felt different hearing Sarah say it through body wracking sobs. It was at this point, I probably made a big mistake. Well, maybe not, because I have no idea how long Marty would have kept my involvement in everything off the books, but in an effort to convince Sarah of the finality of it all I said "Look, I already canceled the honeymoon! It's not happening!" I knew it was a bomb the second it left my mouth and the explosion was damn near immediate. Evelyn, to her credit had always been pretty quick on the uptake, which is probably how she had managed to fool her husband for so long. I could almost see the realization dawning on her when she put it all together with my appearance at the bar earlier in the evening. She screamed, "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" and flew across the room at me. Now, I'm not a huge guy, but I'm no slouch either, but the force that Evelyn flung herself at me had me staggering backwards and I barely had enough time to get my hands up before she started raking my face with her fingernails. I almost lost the phone I still had in my hand, but still managed to I push her away and say very loudly, "EVELYN GET OFF ME!! SARAH, GET YOUR SISTER UNDER CONTROL!" Evelyn made another lunge for me but surprisingly Sarah did exactly what I asked her to and wrapped her arms around her sisters waist and held her in place. I looked at Evelyn and yelled, "Get out of here right now or I am calling the police!" - holding my phone up for emphasis. Sarah asked both of us to calm down, she said to me "OP, she doesn't have anywhere to go right now and Marty took her car keys!" That explained the lack of a car in the drive way, but I didn't care. I was 100% through with Evelyn and I was going to make sure she knew it. I marched into my home office and locked the door and dialed the po-po. I told them I had been attacked by my fiancée's sister and had locked myself in my office - that I was bleeding from my face (Evelyn had scratched me pretty good along the inside of my left eye) and that my vision was blurry and I feared for my life. I even told them that I had recorded the entire altercation on my phone. Just as I was finishing up my conversation, Sarah comes knocking on the door. "OP, please come out, we need to talk about this." and "Please, I love you, don't do this. We don't need to do this." and even "Evelyn is sorry, she wants to apologize". I'm pretty sure that last one was a lie, but Sarah was obviously losing her shit. I didn't answer her and her attempts to cajole me out of the office ended probably right when the police rocked up to our front door. I could hear Sarah talking to them and I decided to come out. The cops were two males, one of them looked younger than me, maybe around Sarah's age and the other one looked older and more annoyed about life in general. I introduced myself, pointed at Evelyn, stating that she attacked me and offered to show the cops the recording I made. The younger one asked me if I wanted to press charges. I said yes. He asked me again if I wanted to press charges. I said yes again. At this point, both cops looked at each other and before the young cop could open his mouth again I said, "Yes damnit, I want to press charges. I have video evidence and this is going to court or else I'm going to call up your boss (I dropped his name here) and ask him to come down and do it himself." I think they were pretty surprised that I knew his name, not that we are friends or anything, but given my line of work I spend plenty of time interfacing with local law enforcement and I have met most of the brass, or talked to them on the phone a couple of times in the last few years. Honestly, at this point, I was getting pretty hot under the collar and while I get what these guys were thinking I don't agree with it at all. Facts are facts - sure I might not be bleeding out on the floor, but Evelyn assaulted me in my own home and I wanted her gone. Thankfully the situation didn't immediately escalate and the two officers handcuffed Evelyn and put her in the back of the patrol car. She was squealing and crying like some sort of gibbering maniac the entire time. Sarah wasn't much better, she just kept going "no, please, no" over and over again. At this point, the younger cop circled back and asked us if everything was okay here. I just told them I was going to bed. He asked Sarah again and she didn't immediately answer so he goes "IS EVERYTHING OKAY HERE MAM???" It was clear what he was fishing for. At this point I really disliked this guy, but I bit my lip. Sarah finally realized that the cop was addressing her and she just nodded at him. Obviously the guy is not satisfied with this and starts to ask her again at which point I interject and say, "If you want to go on a fishing expedition, you might want to do it over there on the lawn where my doorbell camera isn't recording you." I think at this point I had pushed my luck with this guy one too many times, but what could I do? I think I was probably about 30 seconds from getting the cuffs slapped on me until his partner came up and basically pulled him away. He was an older man, probably in his late 50's and probably didn't want to process two arrests right at the beginning of his shift, especially when one of them was obviously going to be more trouble than it was worth. I'm pretty sure he talked him out of it and they left, carrying Evelyn away and hopefully out of my life forever. At this point, I'm thinking about if I want to stay here or not. The fact that my parents live a couple of hours away combined with the thought of about how poor I am going to be in the short term here ruled out either their place or a hotel, so I just decided to sleep in the guest room. Sarah made some futile efforts to get me to engage with her in conversation, or to sleep in our bed, but I just told her we'd talk tomorrow and that I was tired and didn't want to be disturbed. Thankfully she let me be and I crashed hard. Harder than I had in years, which pretty much brings us up to speed to the last update. But dear friends of Reddit, let me tell you this, the NEXT DAY was by far the weirdest f'ing day of my life. To start with, I woke up at 11am. Sarah was still home, she had cleaned the house from top to bottom. I mean, the floors sparkled. The toilets shined. I could lick the linoleum in the bathroom and it'd probably be minty fresh. She had obviously been busy, but when she saw me she sort of hovered out of immediate range, not quite engaging, but looking like she wanted to say something. I get it. Last night was traumatic for everyone and she was probably uncertain - like, did I just cancel the wedding in the heat of the moment? Was I serious about this? Was I really angry? I took a deep breath and told her we needed to finish talking. She tried to sit next to me on the couch and I thought about rebuffing her, but I didn't. We were not getting married, but I didn't need to act like I hated her, because truthfully, I didn't. I was disappointed in her, decently disgusted by some of the things I had read in her text exchanges between her sister, but we were both hurting here and I didn't want to make it any worse, or escalate things to a point where life could get any more complicated than it already was. It took some more convincing on my part for Sarah to truly and fully believe the wedding was off. She was not taking it well, hell that's an understatement, she was a wreck. I think she was hyperventilating a few times. I was holding it together better, but obviously not only was this my idea, I had also had longer to come to terms with it. Finally she asked the serious question - "What about us?" I know I am going to get a lot of hate from people for this, especially the kind of Redditors that think every infraction in a relationship is grounds for nuking it from orbit, and indeed one could even say that my calling off the wedding was like dropping a MOAB on our 6 year partnership, but truthfully I didn't have an answer for Sarah in that moment. I just didn't know and I told her so. I said, I read all those text messages and it showed me a side of her that I didn't know existed and that I wasn't certain about her, or our relationship anymore. I said I couldn't understand why she would go a long with Evelyn putting down Marty and joining in, and even egging her on in cheating on not only him, but their daughter too. She just kept saying, "I know, I know, it was wrong, I know." I asked her for an explanation, but she couldn't provide one. She just said that she "got carried away" and that she "had to choose her sister". I told her that I thought a good sister was someone who kept you on the straight and narrow and didn't give you a free pass to be a douchebag. She agreed with me and said that she would do better, but that Evelyn had always been the boss when they were kids and she was always the follower. I get this, I have an older sibling too and while I'm a bit more independent, I also spent the last 18 years of my life with him living on the other side of the planet except for the odd, occasional visit around Thanksgiving or Christmas. But still, maybe I had a leg up on Sarah because my older sibling was a decent guy while Evelyn was a piece of trash. Now here is where I get the second major f'ing shock of my life in like 48 hours. Sarah says to me, "It's not fair! It's not fair!" "What's not fair???" I ask her. "You were sexting that bimbo wife Mandy girl on Instagram last year and I got over it! I was so hurt, but I got over it! Why can't you get over this?? Why???" Huh? What? What the hell is she talking about? Who is this 'bimbo wife Mandy' - like I have no f'ing clue. I ask her if she was high or having a psychotic break. Like, okay, that was mean of me - but I have absolutely not been doing cyber sex or sexting or whatever with anyone, especially not some Instagram girl. I'm protesting pretty loudly at this point and Sarah is yelling at me through her tears, telling me that she saw the messages last year and that she decided to not confront me because I had stopped it. Evidently she had been checking my socials from my home computer when I am at work, which should have been really boring because I have only family and a couple of work friends on there. I try to make this case to her, offering to let her log into all my accounts and check for herself, but she's just calling me a liar and a pervert and all sorts of shit. She starts throwing stuff at me and so things are getting out of hand and I tell her that if she throws one more thing I'll have her taken out of this house just like her sister. She swears at me and stomps off to the master bedroom and slams the door. Now, at this point I am so damn confused I barely know what to think. I head into my office, fire up my desktop and type "bimbo wife mandy" into Google, sure enough there is an Instagram, a Twitter, a Reddit even and of course, an ONLY FANS. I click on one of the Instagram links and up comes a post of an um... extremely busty woman, like clearly pushing the limits of science and technology and oh guess where she's from.... Australia. Well everyone, remember all the nice stuff I was saying about my brother? Guess who was staying with us last Christmas all the way from Australia? Guess who I told, "Sure, go ahead and use my office computer to play games if you have jet lag?" As far as I can tell, my brother, after his wife and kids went to sleep, logged into either Insta, or OF or something and was probably paying money to sext with this girl. What a great f'ing guy. Now, I would love to call my brother and not only confirm my suspicions, but also give him a god damn ear full, but it's like 2 or 3 in the morning there so it's going to have to wait, but I am crawling the walls here trying to sort out how I feel about everything. I feel totally let down by everyone. I think to myself, damn - what is this world coming to? For a brief moment, I try to connect the dots between whatever the hell Sarah saw my brother do and what she did with Evelyn, but try as I might it doesn't really come together. Maybe she's a more tolerant or forgiving person than I am, which is why she didn't "confront me" when she saw this, but I wish she had - it would have given me an opportunity to directly tell her my whole personal stance on these things and to even show her how I would act. It might have influenced her in a good way later on, or maybe it wouldn't have mattered, I don't know. All I know is that this post is becoming a novel and I have blown off most of the morning when I should be working to get this out of my head and onto this page. I feel better for doing it, but there is still probably another 2-3 posts left to tell. I'm not going to post them to this subreddit anymore, I'm not sure that they'd let me, but I will try to quietly update my profile in the next day or two with the rest of the blow out - talking to my brother, talking to my parents and Sarah's parents, and finally where Sarah and I stand. One thing that I can say however is it seems like most of my immediate family relationships are incredibly strained for various reasons. My parents are largely supportive, but that's becoming less so now that the reality of the financial loss is setting in - yes the marriage is still off, that was pretty much a certainty from the get go. Sarah's parents are a bit more pissed and I'm sure they are sticking pins in voodoo dolls crafted in my image right now. Evelyn, for people who are wondering, is no longer in Jail - she got Sarah to bail her out and I even laid into Sarah for that, calling her "her sisters underling" which I think actually struck a chord with her because she wrote me like a 20 page letter about how her sister always bossed her around throughout her entire childhood. I've read it twice now and I wish we had talked about this pretty much ANY TIME within the last 6 years, maybe things would be different. I don't know. Anyway Reddit, if anyone is still interested, expect a final chapter of this saga in like a day or two and maybe a follow up after the former wedding date passes. Note:bimbowifemandy makes an appearance in the comments   08-10-23 UPDATE - Aug 10, 2023 This update has taken longer to get around to than I originally intended. A lot of things have happened over the last couple of days that have kept me pretty busy and it really wasn't until today when I had some free time after lunch that I could sit down and get this out. I'll try to get through as much as I can. Before that, however, I just want to mention a couple of things in response to comments from the last post. I'll try to be brief. Firstly - I don't know much of what's going on with Marty and his divorce, other than to my knowledge, he's still divorcing her. Obviously no papers or anything, but the intention is clear. In addition to that, I'm not really in the position to be advocating for any sort of course of action that Marty should take, or offering him legal advice, or assisting him in doing anything to the other man, or tracking down the other mans wife, etc. Marty is a grown ass man and he can do whatever he wants with the situation and my position, as his friend, is just to support him and offer advice - if he asks for it. Secondly, this isn't some sort of guerilla marketing for an Only Fans girl. If it was, I should have done it on the first post which hit the front page of Reddit and was seen by over 3 million people. Also, given that this post got so popular on Reddit, it's not really a surprise that "Bimbo Wife Mandy", another Redditor, happened to be following the story and saw her name. It could have easily been any other of the hundreds and hundreds (maybe even thousands) of girls who use Reddit to post their pictures. And as a brief aside - speaking of "Mandy", I have indeed talked to her, she was actually quite helpful in confirming something for me and as a person she seems quite nice but guys... there is no romance plans here in the future. Mandy is married, evidently quite happily so and for almost two decades (I think the handle "Bimbo WIFE Mandy" should have given that away) and frankly while her husband must be cool with it, she's way too much for a mere insurance guy like me to handle. Seriously. So, with that all out of the way, on to the update - Last time I wrote in, I ended it up with me assuming that my brother had used my office computer to chat with "Mandy" but it was too late (his time) for me to contact him. I am one of those guys that once a problem is put in front of him, I MUST be actively working on trying to solve it. This is great for my career choice, but in situations like this, all I was doing was driving myself insane. So, I decided to take a deep breath, leave everything until later and carry on with what I needed to do. First thing up was attempting to contact every person from my side that I had invited to the wedding that I had not yet informed about it's cancelation. As you may recall, I had already informed my parents and had them contact my relatives on the day I made up my mind, but only myself and Sarah have the complete guest list, so I needed to do the rest myself. Out of respect for my friends, I decided to call instead of text, but this might have been a bad idea since every phone call typically resulted in a rather lengthy explanation of why I was canceling the wedding. I know I could have given some other excuse, but I wanted people to know that I wasn't being frivolous or just experiencing something inane like "cold feet". It was important, not just for my own reputation, but I think in order to show respect to the people who had agreed to come on that day to support myself and Sarah as a couple. Because of this, it wasn't until late into the evening when I finally managed to contact everyone, which meant it was now morning time in Australia. I knew what I needed to do but I wanted to make sure that my ducks were all in a row, so I took a breather and made a sandwich in the kitchen. I noticed that Sarah wasn't home - I had no idea when she left and sat down to eat and think about what to do with my brother's situation. Let's call my brother "Karl" for the sake of shortness here. Now, Karl and I have always been pretty close despite him being 13 years older than me. He was this sort of quasi-parental figure in my life because by the time I became capable of having long term memories, he was already well on his way to becoming an adult. He was always generous with his time, played with his little brother when other teenagers would probably have avoided such an activity like the plague and generally seemed very mature and wise to me growing up. Suffice it to say, I respected him greatly. The idea that he had been sexting with a girl who wasn't his wife, in my house, was something that I was still coming to grips with and I needed to decide what to do. Talking to him about it was obvious, but at this point given how much of a shambles my relationship with Sarah was, I didn't know if I cared about having him "confess" just for the sake of clearing my name. Was there anything to salvage anyway? I needed to, for my own sake of propriety, at least yell at him about this and convince him to stop. However, I wasn't sure if I was going to rat him out or not to my SIL (let's call her "Karen", alright - Karl and Karen it is guys). It all depended on what he told me and if I believed him or not. I finished my meal and logged into Facebook and video called Karl. Now, Karl works mostly from home as a remote office worker since his field is related to IT and he's almost always available during the day and today was no exception. It didn't even ring more than once or twice before he answered. We greeted each other, exchanged some pleasantries and then I just sort of dove into it and asked him if he had been using my computer to sex chat women on the internet when he was visiting me. Karl's face froze and he leaned over out of frame of the camera. He was obviously closing his office door. "Yeah, I did - why?" he said to me. I swore under my breath and explained to Karl how Sarah had thought that his flirting was me, since he used my computer. I explained that I wasn't happy to take the hit for him and I asked him point blank if Karen knew about this or not. He waffled for a few seconds, stumbling over his words and then looked a bit sheepish and said that no, Karen didn't know, and he'd prefer if it was kept that way. He went on to explain that their relationship had been pretty rough since their youngest was born 4 years ago - mainly in the bedroom department. Karl had always been a pretty private person, especially when it came to intimate details, or at least he had always been that way when talking to his much younger baby brother. However, this time he just let it all lay out. Things had been bad, he had been tired of getting rejected, Karen was always tired no matter what he did or how much he helped out around the house. Eventually this lead to problems on his side - some sort of performance anxiety on the few occasions where Karen would actually feel up for some bedroom fun and things just got worse from there. Basically he said, "There's no amount of socks picked up, laundry folded, dishes washed, or time spent minding children that would get me laid. It was just not happening, so I started to spend time in my office at night 'working'" - he even did the finger quotes when saying this. Evidently his "working" at night turned into a pretty hardcore addiction to OnlyFans sites, which given the relative privacy he had in his office for legitimate work, spiraled out of control pretty quickly. I asked him if he was still doing it and he swore up and down that he wasn't. I thought I believed him when he said it. He seemed to be sincere. But I just had this niggling feeling in the back of my skull that something was off. Maybe it was because of all of the deceit I had encountered recently, but I was doubting my own brother who has really been a stand up guy to me our entire lives together. I really hated being in this situation. Now, the problem I faced was pretty complex here - First, if I wanted to "clear my name" then I would have to get my brother to tell Sarah that it was him all along. However, if he did that, then there was no guarantee that Sarah wouldn't spitefully inform Karen. I personally thought it would be best if Karen knew, but at the same time I didn't know if I felt comfortable potentially dropping a nuke on my brothers marriage over something he not only said he stopped, but is in this sort of moral grey area for me. I didn't have an answer right away as to what to do, but I did urge him to tell his wife about this and to get into marriage counseling. He said that they actually had been going for the last 6 months and while it was helpful, what had really helped him was getting a prescription for some generic Viagra. I actually did a spit take at that, neatly spraying my computer screen with water. He told me that they had been trying to make sure they have "intimate time" at least a couple of times a week and the Viagra had cured him of his performance anxiety to the point where now they were both looking forward to spending time together after the kids went to bed. The general gist of this was something along the lines of, "Hey, this is actually going in the right direction now, please don't screw this up for us." I really, really, REALLY didn't want to be in this position, not just for the sake of Karl and Karen, but for my two nieces as well - and if what Karl was telling me was the truth, I could be tossing a firebomb into a relationship that was starting to mend. It was unpredictable what would happen ,so yeah - it may disappoint some people but at the time I felt that the best option I had was to wait and see. I was, after all, going to meet him in a couple of weeks in the flesh and once I got him alone in a room and a few drinks into him, I was going to definitely get to the bottom of this. It seemed like the best course of action. Anyway, that night I went to bed early. I didn't see Sarah until the next morning. She looked haggard, like she had a distinct lack of sleep. I asked her where she had been, mostly out of habit, after all we had been together for almost 6 years. She told me that she had gone down to the court house for Evelyn's arraignment to post bail (the courts here close at 1pm on the weekends, which is why she had disappeared soon after I went into my office) and that afterwards she had driven her to her parents house and spent the night. She made a point of telling me how horrible it was to have to explain to her parents that I had called off the wedding. I asked her if her parents knew the reason why and she barked, "Of course they do!" I tried to remain calm but by this point in this ordeal I was losing it. I bit back at her - "Are you going to move back there so that they have BOTH girls at home now?" It was childish and petty, but the fact that she bailed Evelyn out of jail annoyed me to no end. "You don't need to be an ass about this!" she said, to which I said, "And you don't need to be Evelyn's f-cking underling!" I could see Sarah visibly flinch when I said that to her. It obviously had struck a chord and the corners of her eyes started to tear up and I cooled my temper. We just sort of stood there, miles apart in the living room of our house and didn't say anything for a good solid minute or two until Sarah decided to continue talking. "Our parents are going to be here at three." I actually face palmed at this. I was about to go off on her for not consulting me on this, but decided that was just my own ego. After all, I did need to sit down with them and work out the details around the wedding and whatever remaining deposit we had and I needed to, at least once, face to face explain to everyone why it wasn't happening. So fine, let's do this and get it out of the way. I tried to make myself busy, but there isn't much you can do on a Sunday except waste time and time wasting isn't very enjoyable when you know you are heading into the meat grinder in just a few hours. Still, 3pm came and so did our parents. We all sat down at the large kitchen table that Sarah had bought just a month after we closed on the house. It was second hand, from Facebook marketplace, but she loved it because it was solid oak with a beautiful finish and capable of seating 8 (and just as heavy as that sounds). She always wanted to have big dinner parties with our families over, just not like this. The next three hours were grueling. No one was happy, nor should they be I guess. The best support I could get came unsurprisingly from my own parents, but even that was tempered. Essentially along the lines of "Well, it's his decision to make" which more or less means, "Yeah, we think this is crazy too, but we're still backing him." Honestly, that was fine with me. I didn't need my parents to get the stigma by association of canceling the wedding. I was fine with owning that. Eventually we worked out a decent deal in regards to the wedding - We would try to get back whatever money we could, split it back however it was contributed (some things like the honeymoon were all paid by me, or the flowers were all paid for by Sarah's parents) and then eat whatever losses there were communally. However, when it came to the subject of the house, Sarah vehemently objected to my idea of paying back her or her parents for the deposit. Basically, she didn't intend to move. Now, as you might imagine, Sarah and I hadn't really talked about the "us" or "us living together" situation in too much detail. The fact that I even brought up settling the house equity seemed to shock her because the implication here is that I expect her to move out of our home. She threw a fit and I don't blame her - I should have settled our relationship status with her first before trying to negotiate a payment plan with her parents. It really tipped my hand to everyone about how I was feeling about or relationship and while I think our parents expected it, or at least understood, Sarah was beside herself. She was absolutely not accepting of us breaking up over this and she made it clear. "I am not moving out of my house and we are not breaking up." she declared. And that's pretty much how my Sunday night ended. After our parents left, Sarah and I tried to talk it out some more but we kept running in circles around each other and I had to curb my natural inclination to run her down until we got a resolution. Truthfully, I was pretty damn tired as well and I just wanted to turn off my brain. Believe it or not, we just ended up sitting on the couch and watching a movie together in silence until it was time to go to sleep. We left it there with a "We'll talk about it more tomorrow" and retreated to our separate rooms. On Monday, I woke up to a large hand written letter slid under the door from Sarah. I took a brief look at the first few pages and decided I would deal with it later and went to work. When I left, Sarah was still in bed. She must have been up late writing that letter. At the office, I rescheduled some meetings and started calling venues and vendors that were on my list (the other ones were being handled by Sarah or her parents). It was a mixed bag of results - The catering people were adamant that I pay most of their fees under the pretense that they had "ordered most of the food" - I shot back at them over this, like were they expecting me to eat a week old steak? But my appeal fell on deaf ears. I tried talking to the woman who ran the catering business and explaining what happened, but that seemed to only firm up her resolve to get as much money as possible out of me. Inversely, the DJ that I had hired for the entertainment was incredibly kind and gave us back almost all of the money (it wasn't much however). Things went on like this and during the day between making calls and doing work, I read Sarah's letter. Now, this is 20 pages of written word so I'm just going to summarize. The gist of it was that ever since childhood Sarah has been bullied by Evelyn and in response, Sarah's way of dealing with this was to essentially go along with whatever Evelyn wants or wants to hear. She went on to say that it had become sort of a general way of operating in her life - that she was just afraid to rock the boat, to cause a problem or sometimes even to voice an opinion. I reflected on this because truthfully, when I look back at our relationship with a more critical eye, I kind of think that Sarah was a bit too perfect of a girlfriend. What I mean by that is, she never disagreed with me, never picked her plans over mine, or even really advocated too strongly against anything I wanted to do, she went out of her way to make herself appear useful and all around acted more or less like a "yes woman" in our relationship. I mean, we had never even so much as had a minor disagreement in 6 years, let alone a full blown argument until now. It sounds great from a relationship standpoint, until of course, it's not. I couldn't shake this feeling that Sarah has this deep seated insecurity and need to make people happy. You know what they call, "People Pleasing" behavior. When I start looking at it this way a lot of things make sense to me and I start to realize that despite being with Sarah for 6 years, I don't actually know her that well. It's like she's put up this image around her which is really just a mirror - a reflection of whatever she thinks people want to see and in the case of our relationship, she's more or less been acting my role of the "perfect girlfriend" while never really letting me inside to see who she is as a person. Hell, I can't even say that what I saw in those text messages is the "real Sarah" because it's almost certainly just another reflection - this time of Evelyn and all her warts and faults. This may sound weird, but its like we are in this unequal relationship. Whereas maybe she loves me for who I am and how I wear my thoughts on my face and my heart on my sleeve, but maybe I only love her for the mirror she is holding up to my face. I don't know, if this sounds too metaphysical for you then I'm right there as well. It's like this wisp of an idea that I'm still trying to catch by my fingertips. All I know is that in the last few days I've probably learned more about Sarah than I had in the last 6 years and the letter she wrote me was the first real view into her childhood that I had glimpsed. That night we talked more about this specifically, about her childhood, about her behavior. The conclusion that we came to is that she needs help. She's a grown woman who is sadly stuck acting like a child too scared to displease anyone, lest she face her sisters wrath, or her parents disapproval, or the loss of love from the ones she loves. This is no way to have a relationship and I can say, that I feel much more confident and assured that my decision to call off the wedding was the correct one. In fact, it could not be any more correct. That night, after our talk, I went to bed with much less angst than I had in a few days. So, this basically brings me up to our last update and once again, it's a freaking novel. I won't wait 2-3 days to do another one otherwise I will keep falling forever. For people who have been wondering, the entire situation with my brother is more or less resolved and I'll get to that tomorrow, but the situation with Sarah and I is still up in the air a bit, but there is a semblance of a plan going forward. I promise I'll get to it as soon as I can, but as you can imagine there is a lot to write and I can only do what I can do.     Reminder - I am not the original poster. submitted by /u/Stepoo to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

This update has taken longer to get around to than I originally intended. A lot of things have happened over the last couple of days that have kept me pretty busy and it really wasn't until today when I had some free time after lunch that I could sit down and get this out. I'll try to get through as much as I can. Before that, however, I just want to mention a couple of things in response to comments from the last post. I'll try to be brief. Firstly - I don't know much of what's going on with Marty and his divorce, other than to my knowledge, he's still divorcing her. Obviously no papers or anything, but the intention is clear. In addition to that, I'm not really in the position to be advocating for any sort of course of action that Marty should take, or offering him legal advice, or assisting him in doing anything to the other man, or tracking down the other mans wife, etc. Marty is a grown ass man and he can do whatever he wants with the situation and my position, as his friend, is just to support him and offer advice - if he asks for it. Secondly, this isn't some sort of guerilla marketing for an Only Fans girl. If it was, I should have done it on the first post which hit the front page of Reddit and was seen by over 3 million people. Also, given that this post got so popular on Reddit, it's not really a surprise that "Bimbo Wife Mandy", another Redditor, happened to be following the story and saw her name. It could have easily been any other of the hundreds and hundreds (maybe even thousands) of girls who use Reddit to post their pictures. And as a brief aside - speaking of "Mandy", I have indeed talked to her, she was actually quite helpful in confirming something for me and as a person she seems quite nice but guys... there is no romance plans here in the future. Mandy is married, evidently quite happily so and for almost two decades (I think the handle "Bimbo WIFE Mandy" should have given that away) and frankly while her husband must be cool with it, she's way too much for a mere insurance guy like me to handle. Seriously. So, with that all out of the way, on to the update - Last time I wrote in, I ended it up with me assuming that my brother had used my office computer to chat with "Mandy" but it was too late (his time) for me to contact him. I am one of those guys that once a problem is put in front of him, I MUST be actively working on trying to solve it. This is great for my career choice, but in situations like this, all I was doing was driving myself insane. So, I decided to take a deep breath, leave everything until later and carry on with what I needed to do. First thing up was attempting to contact every person from my side that I had invited to the wedding that I had not yet informed about it's cancelation. As you may recall, I had already informed my parents and had them contact my relatives on the day I made up my mind, but only myself and Sarah have the complete guest list, so I needed to do the rest myself. Out of respect for my friends, I decided to call instead of text, but this might have been a bad idea since every phone call typically resulted in a rather lengthy explanation of why I was canceling the wedding. I know I could have given some other excuse, but I wanted people to know that I wasn't being frivolous or just experiencing something inane like "cold feet". It was important, not just for my own reputation, but I think in order to show respect to the people who had agreed to come on that day to support myself and Sarah as a couple. Because of this, it wasn't until late into the evening when I finally managed to contact everyone, which meant it was now morning time in Australia. I knew what I needed to do but I wanted to make sure that my ducks were all in a row, so I took a breather and made a sandwich in the kitchen. I noticed that Sarah wasn't home - I had no idea when she left and sat down to eat and think about what to do with my brother's situation. Let's call my brother "Karl" for the sake of shortness here. Now, Karl and I have always been pretty close despite him being 13 years older than me. He was this sort of quasi-parental figure in my life because by the time I became capable of having long term memories, he was already well on his way to becoming an adult. He was always generous with his time, played with his little brother when other teenagers would probably have avoided such an activity like the plague and generally seemed very mature and wise to me growing up. Suffice it to say, I respected him greatly. The idea that he had been sexting with a girl who wasn't his wife, in my house, was something that I was still coming to grips with and I needed to decide what to do. Talking to him about it was obvious, but at this point given how much of a shambles my relationship with Sarah was, I didn't know if I cared about having him "confess" just for the sake of clearing my name. Was there anything to salvage anyway? I needed to, for my own sake of propriety, at least yell at him about this and convince him to stop. However, I wasn't sure if I was going to rat him out or not to my SIL (let's call her "Karen", alright - Karl and Karen it is guys). It all depended on what he told me and if I believed him or not. I finished my meal and logged into Facebook and video called Karl. Now, Karl works mostly from home as a remote office worker since his field is related to IT and he's almost always available during the day and today was no exception. It didn't even ring more than once or twice before he answered. We greeted each other, exchanged some pleasantries and then I just sort of dove into it and asked him if he had been using my computer to sex chat women on the internet when he was visiting me. Karl's face froze and he leaned over out of frame of the camera. He was obviously closing his office door. "Yeah, I did - why?" he said to me. I swore under my breath and explained to Karl how Sarah had thought that his flirting was me, since he used my computer. I explained that I wasn't happy to take the hit for him and I asked him point blank if Karen knew about this or not. He waffled for a few seconds, stumbling over his words and then looked a bit sheepish and said that no, Karen didn't know, and he'd prefer if it was kept that way. He went on to explain that their relationship had been pretty rough since their youngest was born 4 years ago - mainly in the bedroom department. Karl had always been a pretty private person, especially when it came to intimate details, or at least he had always been that way when talking to his much younger baby brother. However, this time he just let it all lay out. Things had been bad, he had been tired of getting rejected, Karen was always tired no matter what he did or how much he helped out around the house. Eventually this lead to problems on his side - some sort of performance anxiety on the few occasions where Karen would actually feel up for some bedroom fun and things just got worse from there. Basically he said, "There's no amount of socks picked up, laundry folded, dishes washed, or time spent minding children that would get me laid. It was just not happening, so I started to spend time in my office at night 'working'" - he even did the finger quotes when saying this. Evidently his "working" at night turned into a pretty hardcore addiction to OnlyFans sites, which given the relative privacy he had in his office for legitimate work, spiraled out of control pretty quickly. I asked him if he was still doing it and he swore up and down that he wasn't. I thought I believed him when he said it. He seemed to be sincere. But I just had this niggling feeling in the back of my skull that something was off. Maybe it was because of all of the deceit I had encountered recently, but I was doubting my own brother who has really been a stand up guy to me our entire lives together. I really hated being in this situation. Now, the problem I faced was pretty complex here - First, if I wanted to "clear my name" then I would have to get my brother to tell Sarah that it was him all along. However, if he did that, then there was no guarantee that Sarah wouldn't spitefully inform Karen. I personally thought it would be best if Karen knew, but at the same time I didn't know if I felt comfortable potentially dropping a nuke on my brothers marriage over something he not only said he stopped, but is in this sort of moral grey area for me. I didn't have an answer right away as to what to do, but I did urge him to tell his wife about this and to get into marriage counseling. He said that they actually had been going for the last 6 months and while it was helpful, what had really helped him was getting a prescription for some generic Viagra. I actually did a spit take at that, neatly spraying my computer screen with water. He told me that they had been trying to make sure they have "intimate time" at least a couple of times a week and the Viagra had cured him of his performance anxiety to the point where now they were both looking forward to spending time together after the kids went to bed. The general gist of this was something along the lines of, "Hey, this is actually going in the right direction now, please don't screw this up for us." I really, really, REALLY didn't want to be in this position, not just for the sake of Karl and Karen, but for my two nieces as well - and if what Karl was telling me was the truth, I could be tossing a firebomb into a relationship that was starting to mend. It was unpredictable what would happen ,so yeah - it may disappoint some people but at the time I felt that the best option I had was to wait and see. I was, after all, going to meet him in a couple of weeks in the flesh and once I got him alone in a room and a few drinks into him, I was going to definitely get to the bottom of this. It seemed like the best course of action. Anyway, that night I went to bed early. I didn't see Sarah until the next morning. She looked haggard, like she had a distinct lack of sleep. I asked her where she had been, mostly out of habit, after all we had been together for almost 6 years. She told me that she had gone down to the court house for Evelyn's arraignment to post bail (the courts here close at 1pm on the weekends, which is why she had disappeared soon after I went into my office) and that afterwards she had driven her to her parents house and spent the night. She made a point of telling me how horrible it was to have to explain to her parents that I had called off the wedding. I asked her if her parents knew the reason why and she barked, "Of course they do!" I tried to remain calm but by this point in this ordeal I was losing it. I bit back at her - "Are you going to move back there so that they have BOTH girls at home now?" It was childish and petty, but the fact that she bailed Evelyn out of jail annoyed me to no end. "You don't need to be an ass about this!" she said, to which I said, "And you don't need to be Evelyn's f-cking underling!" I could see Sarah visibly flinch when I said that to her. It obviously had struck a chord and the corners of her eyes started to tear up and I cooled my temper. We just sort of stood there, miles apart in the living room of our house and didn't say anything for a good solid minute or two until Sarah decided to continue talking. "Our parents are going to be here at three." I actually face palmed at this. I was about to go off on her for not consulting me on this, but decided that was just my own ego. After all, I did need to sit down with them and work out the details around the wedding and whatever remaining deposit we had and I needed to, at least once, face to face explain to everyone why it wasn't happening. So fine, let's do this and get it out of the way. I tried to make myself busy, but there isn't much you can do on a Sunday except waste time and time wasting isn't very enjoyable when you know you are heading into the meat grinder in just a few hours. Still, 3pm came and so did our parents. We all sat down at the large kitchen table that Sarah had bought just a month after we closed on the house. It was second hand, from Facebook marketplace, but she loved it because it was solid oak with a beautiful finish and capable of seating 8 (and just as heavy as that sounds). She always wanted to have big dinner parties with our families over, just not like this. The next three hours were grueling. No one was happy, nor should they be I guess. The best support I could get came unsurprisingly from my own parents, but even that was tempered. Essentially along the lines of "Well, it's his decision to make" which more or less means, "Yeah, we think this is crazy too, but we're still backing him." Honestly, that was fine with me. I didn't need my parents to get the stigma by association of canceling the wedding. I was fine with owning that. Eventually we worked out a decent deal in regards to the wedding - We would try to get back whatever money we could, split it back however it was contributed (some things like the honeymoon were all paid by me, or the flowers were all paid for by Sarah's parents) and then eat whatever losses there were communally. However, when it came to the subject of the house, Sarah vehemently objected to my idea of paying back her or her parents for the deposit. Basically, she didn't intend to move. Now, as you might imagine, Sarah and I hadn't really talked about the "us" or "us living together" situation in too much detail. The fact that I even brought up settling the house equity seemed to shock her because the implication here is that I expect her to move out of our home. She threw a fit and I don't blame her - I should have settled our relationship status with her first before trying to negotiate a payment plan with her parents. It really tipped my hand to everyone about how I was feeling about or relationship and while I think our parents expected it, or at least understood, Sarah was beside herself. She was absolutely not accepting of us breaking up over this and she made it clear. "I am not moving out of my house and we are not breaking up." she declared. And that's pretty much how my Sunday night ended. After our parents left, Sarah and I tried to talk it out some more but we kept running in circles around each other and I had to curb my natural inclination to run her down until we got a resolution. Truthfully, I was pretty damn tired as well and I just wanted to turn off my brain. Believe it or not, we just ended up sitting on the couch and watching a movie together in silence until it was time to go to sleep. We left it there with a "We'll talk about it more tomorrow" and retreated to our separate rooms. On Monday, I woke up to a large hand written letter slid under the door from Sarah. I took a brief look at the first few pages and decided I would deal with it later and went to work. When I left, Sarah was still in bed. She must have been up late writing that letter. At the office, I rescheduled some meetings and started calling venues and vendors that were on my list (the other ones were being handled by Sarah or her parents). It was a mixed bag of results - The catering people were adamant that I pay most of their fees under the pretense that they had "ordered most of the food" - I shot back at them over this, like were they expecting me to eat a week old steak? But my appeal fell on deaf ears. I tried talking to the woman who ran the catering business and explaining what happened, but that seemed to only firm up her resolve to get as much money as possible out of me. Inversely, the DJ that I had hired for the entertainment was incredibly kind and gave us back almost all of the money (it wasn't much however). Things went on like this and during the day between making calls and doing work, I read Sarah's letter. Now, this is 20 pages of written word so I'm just going to summarize. The gist of it was that ever since childhood Sarah has been bullied by Evelyn and in response, Sarah's way of dealing with this was to essentially go along with whatever Evelyn wants or wants to hear. She went on to say that it had become sort of a general way of operating in her life - that she was just afraid to rock the boat, to cause a problem or sometimes even to voice an opinion. I reflected on this because truthfully, when I look back at our relationship with a more critical eye, I kind of think that Sarah was a bit too perfect of a girlfriend. What I mean by that is, she never disagreed with me, never picked her plans over mine, or even really advocated too strongly against anything I wanted to do, she went out of her way to make herself appear useful and all around acted more or less like a "yes woman" in our relationship. I mean, we had never even so much as had a minor disagreement in 6 years, let alone a full blown argument until now. It sounds great from a relationship standpoint, until of course, it's not. I couldn't shake this feeling that Sarah has this deep seated insecurity and need to make people happy. You know what they call, "People Pleasing" behavior. When I start looking at it this way a lot of things make sense to me and I start to realize that despite being with Sarah for 6 years, I don't actually know her that well. It's like she's put up this image around her which is really just a mirror - a reflection of whatever she thinks people want to see and in the case of our relationship, she's more or less been acting my role of the "perfect girlfriend" while never really letting me inside to see who she is as a person. Hell, I can't even say that what I saw in those text messages is the "real Sarah" because it's almost certainly just another reflection - this time of Evelyn and all her warts and faults. This may sound weird, but its like we are in this unequal relationship. Whereas maybe she loves me for who I am and how I wear my thoughts on my face and my heart on my sleeve, but maybe I only love her for the mirror she is holding up to my face. I don't know, if this sounds too metaphysical for you then I'm right there as well. It's like this wisp of an idea that I'm still trying to catch by my fingertips. All I know is that in the last few days I've probably learned more about Sarah than I had in the last 6 years and the letter she wrote me was the first real view into her childhood that I had glimpsed. That night we talked more about this specifically, about her childhood, about her behavior. The conclusion that we came to is that she needs help. She's a grown woman who is sadly stuck acting like a child too scared to displease anyone, lest she face her sisters wrath, or her parents disapproval, or the loss of love from the ones she loves. This is no way to have a relationship and I can say, that I feel much more confident and assured that my decision to call off the wedding was the correct one. In fact, it could not be any more correct. That night, after our talk, I went to bed with much less angst than I had in a few days. So, this basically brings me up to our last update and once again, it's a freaking novel. I won't wait 2-3 days to do another one otherwise I will keep falling forever. For people who have been wondering, the entire situation with my brother is more or less resolved and I'll get to that tomorrow, but the situation with Sarah and I is still up in the air a bit, but there is a semblance of a plan going forward. I promise I'll get to it as soon as I can, but as you can imagine there is a lot to write and I can only do what I can do. Thanks submitted by /u/OneTop3934 to u/OneTop3934 [link] [comments]

This is a throwaway account and all names are fake. The story includes me(28M), my (now ex) girlfriend Elise(27F), and her best friends Leah(27F) and David(27M). ​ Elise and I had been together for 3 years and living together for 1.5 years. Our relationship was very strong and we were madly in love. All of our friends always used to say that we were a perfect couple. Our communication was strong and we had everything planned in our lives. I told her that I won't be marrying her before I get a job that pays well enough to build our family, and she agreed. Well, I got a very good job 2 months ago and we started planning our lives together. Our plan was to get married in the next year or two, buy a house, and then have kids when we have more financial stability. She also started dropping hints that I should propose. I was already planning to propose, so I started researching for rings, proposal venues etc. ​ This is when I contacted Leah and asked her to meet me and keep it a secret. I told her my plans and she confirmed that Elise would love this and also gave me some suggestions which I loved. Leah also included David as the three of them were best friends since childhood and knew each other very well. They also helped me pick the ring. The plan was to rent a cabin surrounded by nature and wilderness as Elise likes that a lot. I rented the cabin and on Friday I took the day off without telling my girlfriend and met up with Leah and David and one of my friends to set up everything. I gave instructions to my friend about how I wanted everything to be set up as he was supposed to go there the next day before us and set up everything (flowers, cameras etc.). I went back home after that and ordered Elise's favorite takeout. We talked about her day and then went to bed. ​ Now a week ago Leah had invited Elise for brunch on Saturday (proposal day) at a new fancy place (the proposal location). She emphasized that the place was fancy so that Elise wouldn't get suspicious of Leah asking her to wear a nice dress. On Saturday morning Leah and David came to our apartment to pick up Elise. As soon as they left I called a friend of mine who was waiting just around the corner and I left soon after. Then I called my other friend who was supposed to be at the cabin and asked him how everything was going. He assured me that everything was set up exactly how I wanted it. I had also asked David to share their location and to drive slowly or take a longer route so that I can get there 10-15 minutes before them. I realized David hadn't shared the location but it was fine. We got there and I just ran in to change into a suit. Then I went to the exact position and checked the camera angles. Everything was perfect. Then I waited for my girlfriend and her friends to arrive. The drive is 30-40 minutes from our apartment and they should've been there. I thought they went slightly overboard with stalling. I waited there for another 20 minutes. ​ It had already been more than an hour since they left the apartment and I was getting worried so I asked one of my friends to call David and sneakily ask how long it'll take them. They called him 2-3 times, but no answer. Then they called Leah 2-3 times. No answer. I assumed the worst. I called David and Leah as well. Still no answer. Finally, I decided to call Elise. First call, she didn't answer. My heart was racing at this point. As soon as I called her again, Leah answered instead. I was panicking and asked her if everything was alright and why is nobody answering the phone. She went silent for 2 seconds and then started yelling at me. She told me to never call Elise ever again and that I was dead to her. That I was a horrible human being for doing that to her. That she doesn't want to see my face or talk to me ever again. I was confused, but before I could say anything she hung up. I was so confused and started crying and my friends had to console me. Soon after that, I got a text from Leah that she'll be coming over later with David to get Elise's stuff and that Elise doesn't even wanna step into the apartment, even if I'm not there. I immediately called her parents to ask what was going on. They knew about the proposal and we were supposed to go to their home for lunch after the proposal. They had no clue what was going on and told me that they'll call her and ask. I got a call from them 10 minutes later saying that they called Elise and she told them that she can't talk right now and she'll call them later. They were also confused about all this. I was devastated and I didn't know what to do. ​ My friends took me back to my apartment and we hung out. David and Leah came over in the evening to take Elise's stuff. My friends and I tried to talk to them but they didn't say anything. They just asked me where Elise's stuff was and just took some of it and said they'll be back for the rest. They also reiterated that if I tried contacting Elise again, I'll be reported for harassment. At that moment I just wanted to cry because just the thought of me harassing my girlfriend was overwhelming. After they left, my friends told me that they think I shouldn't be alone right now and they were staying the night, and won't take no for an answer. We stayed up and talked till 4am last night and then everyone went to bed. I wasn't able to sleep and I've been just thinking about every potential reason for Elise's behavior, but I don't have any answers. The only scenario I can think of is that Elise was cheating on me and somehow she realized I was gonna propose and she freaked out and told her friends that she can't do this because I cheated on her. This still doesn't make sense but it's the closest thing to an explanation I have right now. I know it's a horrible thing to think about. Today was supposed to be the first day of our engaged life together. Hopefully, I'll be able to get some answers from her parents if they talk to her. ​ ETA: Been up all night and was going through the comments. I cannot reply to every comment and message but I just wanted to say that I appreciate all the supportive comments and messages. I don't have any updates yet but I wanted to add some details for the people speculating. For the people worried about Elise's safety, her parents called her yesterday and talked to her briefly. She just said that she's not feeling good right now and she'll call them in a few days to talk. So apparently she's safe. I've told them to call me as soon as they hear back from her. Also, David is gay so I don't think there's anything going on romantically between them. For the people saying that I did something wrong (cheat, or physically hurt her) IDK what to say to you. If I did that then I won't be losing all my sleep looking for answers. Some people suggested that I don't give Elise's stuff to Leah and David, and I think it's a good idea. I'll tell her parents that if they want her stuff, they can either tell Elise to get it or come get it themselves. When Leah and David came to get some of her stuff they just took some clothes and shoes. There are many people who are confused about the timeline. All of this happedned 2 days ago on Saturday, not last week. I'll also try to contact Elise. I'll write down everything I can think of and send her an email as I'm blocked on everything else. Also, one of my friends knew Leah before we met (they were colleagues at their old job and they set us up) so I've asked him to try to find out what's going on from their mutual friend group. submitted by /u/throwaway-propose to r/TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]

First | Prev | Next --- Memory transcription subject: Governor Tarva of the Venlil Republic Date [standardized human time]: October 24, 2136 Wrapped in warm bedsheets, I emerged into a groggy wakefulness. It took a second to identify my surroundings as a hospital room, and another to recall how I ended up here. A human was reclining in a chair, with wire-rimmed glasses over her eyes and dark curls falling over her face. That was Sara Rosario, browsing something on her holopad. “Sara?” I gargled. Her rosy lips curved up in a smile, and she switched off her reading materials. The predator sprang up from her seat in a heartbeat, pressing a water glass to my lips. I didn’t understand why she was here, but it was good to see a familiar face. The scientist hadn’t made contact with my office since Earth’s fall; I was worried about her. Sara placed a hand on my shoulder. “Stay down. Your body has been through quite a shock. I don’t know how to say this…” I watched in silence as the human bit her lip, a gesture that suggested discomfort. She removed her glasses, and set them on the bedside table. The intensity of those forward-facing eyes, observing every little detail, was mesmerizing. I tried to signal with an ear flick that it was okay to be direct. “That was a ‘go ahead’, right? Well, I’m afraid your tail had to be amputated, Tarva,” the scientist sighed. “If it was lacerated a few inches higher, you would have spinal damage. The good news is you can walk and return to normal activities.” I lowered my eyes, taking a moment to process the news. “I…suspected as much, seeing the look on Noah’s face. But so much of our non-verbal communication is with tail signals. It’s like your fingers.” “I know, and we want to help. I’ve gotten in touch with some great people on Earth, who’ve created prosthetics for animals.” Sara offered a comforting smile. “It’ll take some getting used to, but the prototype I ordered for you is cutting-edge; it’ll respond to your brain signals. We’d have it ready quicker, but our manufacturing is scrambled.” My thoughts turned back to the maimed human attendees. It could’ve been much worse for me, as there had to be a vast number of casualties. My heart ached at the thought of more dead Terrans. I still couldn’t understand why anyone would do such a thing. Even predators killed for a reason; knowing why this happened would offer solace. Explaining an event to my government and my citizens, which no doubt had been sensationalized by the media, would be a challenge. The Venlil populace must be freaked out; the smooth-sailing months of first contact lulled us into feeling safe around humans. This would give the exterminators backing for their vehement objections to the ‘infestation.’ I leaned back against the pillow. “I hope I didn’t say anything harsh about humans. My memory is…a bit fuzzy on the details.” “That’s natural. Your brain is protecting itself,” she responded. “You were badly injured and in shock, and what you went through would traumatize a lot of humans too. If you’re scared of me now, I’ll leave; I understand the event is fresh.” “No, please stay, I…just feel sad. I really wanted to see humanity succeed. You’re my predators, my friends, my snarling guardians. What happened, Sara? I don’t understand.” “You know we react differently than you. You might’ve heard us reference our flight-or-fight response, as opposed to your flight-alone instincts. When crowds panic for you, there’s stampedes; we can have those too. But if a human group is agitated with our fight side…” Understanding dawned on me, and I exhaled a shuddering laugh. Sara raised an eyebrow in a quizzical gesture. The fact that it was a predator’s stampede, not any murderous undercurrent, took a weight off my shoulders. Everyone would be able to grasp how personal agency became hazy in those situations. The humans are just like us, a more aggressive version of us. Of course, the Terrans felt like we did during an Arxur raid. They were threatened by a genocidal enemy, one they couldn’t hope to fight or dissuade. Every second on Venlil Prime, they were scared for their lives and for their entire species. Combine that with grief, and even stalwart predators would lose their refinement. The bomb’s chaos made fear-driven anger spill over; it was the mere culmination of a horrendous week for humanity. “If it’s like a stampede, then it’ll make sense to any Venlil that things got out of hand. I must issue a statement to the public, and see that charges aren’t pressed. We know what it’s like to lose control,” I reassured her. “What? There’s no excuse for violence!” Sara’s lips moved in a frenzy, as though she couldn’t say the words fast enough. “I was helping you understand the behavior, not exonerating it. Humans are expected to control ourselves, no matter how extreme the circumstances. Many people are hurt or dead; that’s never acceptable.” “It was awful, I do recall. Noah took a long time to stand…wait, where is Noah?” The female scientist lifted a bouquet of Earth-borne flowers from the table, and brought them over to me. They were an intricate cone of petals, bearing a rich shade of red. Unless this was a human gesture of condolences, I assumed those were left as a gift from Noah. I was still puzzled why he wasn’t present, but I took the alien plants with gratitude. “Noah sat by your side all night, refused to let any doctors look at him. The blast gave him a minor concussion; I had to talk some sense into him, tell him to rest up,” Sara said. “I’m sure you’d want him to take care of himself. But he bought you these first…said he hoped they’d cheer you up.” I flicked my ears. “What about Meier?” The human’s thin smile fell in a heartbeat, like I’d asked her something terrible. There was the knowing glint in her eyes; it was the pitiful look of someone who couldn’t bring herself to say the words. Sharing the worst news was difficult, when it was bound to enact a heavy toll on another person. Tears swelled around my irises, long before she found her voice. Sara averted her eyes. “The Secretary-General is dead. He bled out on the operating table…too many organs ruptured. Gunshot wounds to the abdomen are nasty. I’m sorry.” I pulled the blanket over my face, in an attempt to smother the grief. Elias Meier had dedicated himself to virtue and the pursuit of peace to the last. Every temptation pushed him the opposite direction, but he was true to his beliefs. He steered humanity toward its best attributes; I counted on him to make hard decisions for everyone’s benefit. The Secretary-General was always kind to us, and bent over backward for our partnership to succeed. Elias will be missed. He was a true leader, willing to do whatever was necessary. He dreamed big; there was so much he could’ve offered humanity. “The Venlil doctors completed a brain scan post-mortem, at the forceful request of extermination officers,” the female human continued. “They wanted data to distinguish ‘good ones’ from ‘human animals.’ Analysis of our thoughts, weaknesses, and anatomy. Tarva, I don’t like the sound of that.” My head poked out from the blanket. “What? They’re not in charge. Get General Kam over there, and make sure nobody else touches him!” “Kam cleared them out for us, soon as the UN got wind of it. Lots of people don’t trust humans, after…well, the bomber of the assembly released their call-to-arms. We don’t know how to allay the general fear. We’re doing everything we can to identify the culprit, but that might take time.” Sara lowered herself onto the edge of the bed, bringing her holopad into view. A human wearing a mask was recording themselves on video. Something about the way this one leaned forward with aggression screamed predator. There were no identifying features visible, so this could be any Terran I passed. The surroundings were dark, leaving no way of discerning the location either. Even the voice was distorted by some filter, which made the words throatier than an Arxur’s cadence. “Our leaders have been putting alien interests before ours. They dragged humanity into a war we have no business being a part of, without getting the full picture. Elias Meier’s death is the first step in putting things right. He failed to defend Earth, while capitulating to the creatures who put us down. He, and everyone like him, are responsible for the billions dead.” The predator finished the first segment of their claim; that boastful attitude resembled happiness, while taking credit for the dead human leader. How could that seem like an achievement to anyone? Behind the mask, the speaker was expressionless as they continued. But the accusatory finger wag they threw in was decisive, ripe with anger. “It is time we have a government that puts humanity first! We are a superior species, more than the mindless animals that populate this galaxy. It’s time we claim our rightful mantle. Justice and retribution are due, not the peace groveling Meier sought, to our detriment. He was weak, in the face of continual attacks. He was soft, in the face of ultimatums. A senile traitor to mankind.” The anonymous Terran breathed an aggravated sigh, losing steam for a moment. They collected their thoughts, and refocused on the camera. Despite not being able to see the ferocious eyes, I could feel their gaze cutting through me like a blade. This predator was unstable, polluted by hatred and blame. “From now on, we must make sure that any human who appeases alien-interests has no safe haven. The officials must be replaced by force if necessary. We will not allow anyone to apologize for our nature anymore. Any aliens who side against us must be treated as enemies. Now is the time to take action, my fellow man. Make your voices heard, and show no mercy! Death to the Federation!” My eyes stretched wide, after the verbose speech concluded on a morbid note. I had no idea that humans had such scorn for the Secretary-General. And for the crime of wanting peace, of all things? The attack on Earth wasn’t his fault; blaming Meier for not pulling out a miracle was preposterous. Honestly, the predators were fortunate their planet survived at all. There was a reason Venlil wanted to gloss over the necessary intervention of the Arxur. We didn’t want to associate our friends, humanity, with the race of savage tormentors. I doubted many people would be open to considering that the Federation started the war, besides me. My hesitation existed because our predators had been slapped in the face, time and again. I understood how Terrans might think the Arxur were the lesser evil, after recent suffering skewed their view. The grays were the ones who showed interest in diplomacy, and came to Earth’s rescue in their darkest hour. I couldn’t fault my friends for questioning their loyalties. Still, it was jarring to hear a human murderer call for violent acts against the Federation and the UN. I heaved an anxious sigh. “I’ve never heard one of your people talk like that. Is that what, well, predator disease looks like in predators?” “Uh, I guess? Most humans are normal as can be, harmless unless harmed.” Sara scratched her scalp, and hunched her shoulders with discomfort. “Our outliers are more extreme, because we have more of an inherent ability for violence. I apologize for the supremacist rhetoric that individual broadcasted.” “Not your fault. I’ll happily agree that you’re a superior species in many ways. But ‘mindless animals’ sounds like it could come verbatim from an Arxur. Oh, uh…I need to get out of here, now.” Sara pushed me back, as I swung my legs over the bedside. My brain had blotted out Meier’s last request upon waking, likely because my subconscious wanted to avoid the task. The Secretary-General had known his survival odds were negligible. Freeing the Venlil cattle was what he wished to be his legacy. Elias claimed that the nightmarish Chief Hunter aspired to end the war and sapient farming. It was quite possible the Secretary-General was projecting his own dreams. That human wouldn’t have intended for me to get hurt, of course. He had little concept of how manipulative and deceitful Arxur were. It was tough to tell where calculation ended, and authenticity began. The hateful words Meier touted as theatrics, a stunt by Isif to avoid execution, had convinced me well enough. There hadn’t been a moment’s hesitation when he called me lesser and an ‘animal’, much like the human bomber. The fact that the first parallel that popped into my mind was a Terran mass murderer wasn’t a good sign. Did I trust the Secretary-General’s judgment enough to go through with this? It wasn’t like I actually heard what Isif told Meier for myself, to make my own judgment. It’s down to whether I believe an obligate child-eater could want peace. “Stop kicking me! Governor, you’re not going anywhere!” the scientist objected. “You’re just tiring yourself out.” I flicked my ears. “The Venlil cattle exchange has to go through, and Meier isn’t here to finish it. This can’t wait; I have no idea who your new leader is, or what they’ll do. Elias begged me to speak to Isif…I respect him too much not to try.” “Isif? The Arxur’s commander in this sector?! Meier shouldn’t have requested that, especially with your personal history.” “Despite that, if an Arxur truly wanted peace, I am willing to try. It’s its…his intentions I’m concerned about. Our history with them doesn’t offer any indication of empathy.” “But you know they’ve shown it to humans.” “Or at least mimicked it. The mere thought of Isif makes me shudder, and want to crawl under the bed. Damnit, I’m going, before I change my mind. I just have to release a statement to the Venlil people first, for your sake.” Sara knitted her coarse brows together, and raised a finger in the Terran ‘one second’ gesture. She retrieved a wheelchair from the corner, moving me into it before I could protest. How weak and frail did the human think I was? I could walk on my own! Getting used to the lack of balance from my missing tail, before I faceplanted with Isif, was important. “I’m coming with you, and it’s not a debate. Noah’s not the only one who can disregard his welfare,” she quipped. I squirmed as the chair rolled out of the room. “You don’t have to do that. The work you’re doing with the Venlil soldiers is important.” “You’re more important. Besides, I thought you’d want someone you knew as your liaison. I’m here as the interim ambassador, and also as an old friend who owes her life to you. Isif is less likely to harm you with a human around, so I’m coming.” “Well, alright, if you insist. The two of us have a lot of catching up to do, Sara. I haven’t seen you since the exchange program.” “Heh, you were gone to Aafa for over a month with lover boy. I hate politics, anyways. Your diplomatic functions bore me to death, if I’m honest. I’ll be a poor ambassador for that stuff.” “Likewise, doing your work…all the data and analyzing, would bore me silly. But your curiosity was one of the first things that made me sense a kindred spirit in humans. I know how much research excites you.” “Oh, the science going on now is everything I’ve dreamed of. We’re mapping the Venlil genome, testing fear responses, and writing theses about your sociology and ecology. Full study might take centuries, but the breakthroughs we’re making are priceless! Suffice to say, I’m happy manning the projects and lecture circuits.” It didn’t escape my notice that Sara avoided mentioning the Arxur as a topic of interest, despite their commonalities with humans. Something told me that she was afraid of Isif too; the grays’ actions had sickened her from the start. Her unease made me feel a bit better about my soul-crushing dread. What good could come of this meeting Elias wanted, beyond a bitter agreement? I wasn’t sure it was possible to have a meaningful conversation, with creatures that thrived on cruelty. At least sailing off into the night would reassure the Venlil. Visiting Earth would be a public display of trust in humanity, to back my issued statement. If the masses knew the reason for my voyage, it would undermine the soothing explanation about human stampedes. They would spit on Elias Meier’s corpse for broaching the topic, and despise me for negotiating with vile monsters. It wasn’t clear how we would disguise the methods used to save any Venlil cattle. This was going to be a precarious situation to manage, from an optics perspective. --- First | Prev | Next Early chapter access + bonus content on Patreon | Species glossary on Series wiki | Official subreddit submitted by /u/SpacePaladin15 to r/HFY [link] [comments]

My first memory of sleep paralysis happened when I was ten years old. I remember because it was the night my parents took me to see Shrek 2 for getting good marks on my report card. It was an evening show, so we got in late and my mom tucked me straight into bed when we got home. It was around four am when I woke up, the light from my alarm clock told me that much. I couldn't feel anything, not my pajamas against my skin, or the warmth of my head against the pillow. I could feel my arms and legs, but they felt heavy, as if a great weight was holding them down. I tried to call out but I couldn’t, my voice caught in my throat, my lips unable to move. I mustered a weak groan that sounded like a cross between a frog’s croak and a zombie’s moan, but that was it. I thought I was dead, that this is what death feels like, being awake but unable to move or tell anyone. My mind wrestled with the idea of being placed in a coffin, unable to tell anyone I was still alive in here, unable to move or say anything as the lid closed and they put me in the ground, still alive. My fear subsided as I felt my heart thudding in my chest in response to my near panic attack. I also became aware of my breathing, which slowed as the fear subsided. I calmed a little, thinking it was just a dream. That was when I saw him for the first time. Mr. BrownStickLegs. He huddled in the corner of the room by my closet. His two oversized red eyes glowed in the dark of my bedroom. His face was like a porcelain mask, white, expressionless, with no mouth or nose, only those two haunting red eyes. When he stood up, his body unfolded like origami until his head reached the ceiling. His neck bent, tilting forward as his true height was greater than the height of my room. His long black torso was covered in shimmering symbols that reflected red in the light of his glowing eyes. He stood on two spindly thin legs that disappeared into the shadows of the room. He made no noise as he moved, seeming to glide as he hovered closer to my bed. His long thin arms reached down to me as I moaned through paralyzed lips. I could not scream, even though I very much wanted to. His fingers reaching through the darkness, down to my face. Two pointed fingers touched against my eyelids, pushing them closed. I remember his fingertips feeling cool, but not cold. Even though the ends of his fingertips looked sharp, his touch was gentle. “Do not struggle, little one. Sleep, sleep,” he said. His voice was so deep I could feel it in my chest when he spoke. I did as instructed, convincing myself that it indeed was a dream. Even if it wasn’t, the back of my eyelids was more reassuring than looking into those piercing red eyes in his vacant mask of a face. I closed my eyes, wanting it to be a dream, willing it to be a dream. I woke up the next morning, thankfully able to move, walk and talk. I explained what I saw to my parents, who both agreed that it was a dream. My mom tried floating the idea that something from Shrek 2 scared me but neither my dad or I bought it. For confirmation, dad asked that I draw a picture of what I saw for them. As I was drawing, I ran out of black crayon and had to finish his legs with the next darkest color in my crayon box. “Hey there, Mister BrownStickLegs,” my Dad said as I handed him the drawing. “You leave my daughter alone now, you hear?” This is how my sleep paralysis demon ended up with the name Mr. BrownStickLegs. Giving him a silly name helped take some of the edge off of going to bed the following night. My dad even did a sweep of the room, calling out for him. “Here Mr. BrownStickLegs,” he said, whistling as if he were calling a dog. It made me giggle and the whole episode felt more fun than scary. But once they tucked me in and turned off the light, I felt the dread creeping back in. Darkness hits harder when you expect to find something lurking in the shadows. I don’t know how long I searched, but I eventually fell asleep. In the weeks following, I searched for Mr. BrownStickLegs every night as I fell asleep. Even when I went to sleepovers I would do a cursory check in case he tagged along to a friends house. As time passed, my searches became less frequent. It was a couple months later, the night before my first day of 5th grade when I woke up to Mr. BrownStickLegs straddled over my bed, his empty plate of a face inches from my own. A scream stuck in my throat, coming out sounding like a gush of air releasing from a pool float. “Hush, child,” he said. His voice was deep, echoless. I didn’t know how he spoke without a mouth, but I heard him nonetheless. I saw that he held a piece of paper in his thin fingers, crumpled on the edges and torn. He held it up to show me. On the page was a pink blob with blue dots for eyes and a droll red smile and stick lines for legs and arms. It was lying on a blue rectangle. “I found the picture you drew of me. So I drew a picture of you,” he said. “Do you like it?” I tried nodding, but I couldn’t move. I tried answering, but all that came out was the same dry croaking sound. “Will you draw another one for me? I so liked the first one, you gave me pants. I look good in pants.” Again, I was unable to respond or move to give him an answer. He must’ve been able to read my intent, because he tucked the picture under my pillow before closing my eyes again. When I woke up in the morning, I bolted upright and tossed my pillow off the bed. My heart leapt into my throat when I found the picture. It wasn’t a dream. He was real. I went to my desk and began drawing a picture for him, starting with his face and eyes, trying to capture as much detail as I could remember. I had forgotten all about the first day of school until my mom opened my door and found me still in my pajamas. “Lexi!” she yelled, startling me as I was coloring in his eyes. “Your bus will be here in less than an hour, get dressed NOW!” I tucked my picture into my school backpack and got dressed. I finished my drawing at recess that day, using my brand new Crayola 64 pack that I got with my back to school supplies. I gave him blue pants this time, figuring he’d like to see himself in jeans. I wrote his name, “Mr. BrownStickLegs” at the bottom of the picture and drew a smileyface next to it, hoping he’d like his nickname. I flipped the paper over to write him a message on the back. I wanted to ask him questions, but didn’t want to anger him since he visited me when I was at my most vulnerable. I wrote out my letter on a separate piece of paper before copying it over to the back of my picture. Dear Mr. BrownStickLegs (that’s your name), My name is Lexi. I am in the fifth grade. What is your name? How old are you? Do you go to school? Why do you visit my bedroom? Why can’t I move when you visit? You look scary but you also seem nice. I hope we can be friends. Love, Lexi P.S. I hope you like your blue pants! I added another smileyface at the end of the letter, my final emphasis on wanting to be friends. I considered closing with Sincerely, but I figured Love was a better, friendlier choice. I tucked the picture under my pillow that night, now anxious to see him rather than filled with dread of his reappearance. But like the last time, he did not return the next day. Or the day after. The days stretched into weeks, and every morning I found the picture tucked under my pillow from the night before. It wasn’t until Thanksgiving break that I saw him again. My eyes opened as the morning sun poked through the blinds of my bedroom. His body didn’t look any different in the light; in fact, his black skin seemed darker, absorbing the sun’s rays without giving anything back. His eyes seemed wider than before; if he had a mouth I would have figured he was smiling. In his slender fingers was the picture I drew for him. “Hello Lexi,” he said. “Thank you for the picture, I do look good in blue pants.” I wanted to smile, but, well, sleep paralysis. He flipped the picture over to the side with my letter. “I will answer your questions the best I can. I do not have a name, not one you could ever pronounce, but I am happy for you to call me Mr. BrownStickLegs. As for my age, I exist outside of the construct of time, therefore I am ageless. I do not go to school, nor do I know what school is. Why do I visit you? I visit to feed on the energy of your soul.” My breath quickened as a mute groan exited my teeth. I wanted to run, wanted to get away from him, but I was pinned down, unable to move. He sensed my uneasiness and tried to calm me by patting my forehead. “Let me explain. Have you been to the ocean? It appears vast, almost limitless as you stare out into the blue water, with no visible land on the other side?” In my mind I was standing on a beach. I felt the salty ocean breeze against my face as I looked out over the massive body of water. The waves crashed at my feet. I felt the rush of water over them followed by the trickle of sand and pebbles as the water drew back. “Your soul is like an ocean, child. Vast, limitless, undefinable by words to your understanding. I take only a tiny sip, a single glass of water from a vast ocean. I am not one who could consume an entire ocean.” Dark clouds formed over the water as I stared at the whitecapped waves. The clouds unleashed a heavy downpour, turning the horizon grey as rain fell from the sky over the ocean. “Just as the rain falls over the ocean, your soul can replenish itself by more than I could ever consume, not even in a thousand of your years. Does that make you feel better?” On the beach in my mind’s vision, I nodded. In my bedroom, he nodded back at me. “Good. As for your last question, why you cannot move, we are meeting at a point outside of your time, where your world and mine touch. Your physical body cannot move here but if you persist you can learn to speak to me with your mind, and I will answer your questions in exchange for your drawings. You can draw pictures of whatever you like, I want to know more of your world.” In my mind, I nodded again. “This knowledge is a gift so we can understand one another more. I am not one who would hurt you.” He pressed his fingertips to my eyelids again, closing them. In my mind’s eye, I was still on the beach, but the sun was setting, and no stars were visible through the rain. I drifted back to sleep to the sound of falling rain. The next morning I asked my parents for a sketchbook and colored pencils. They tried to hold me off until Christmas, but since I spent most of my afternoons and weekends drawing pictures up in my room, Dad let me open one of my gifts a week early, a Strathmore sketchbook with 100 pages with a 50 pack of Crayola colored pencils. I started by drawing the rest of my family, Mom, Dad, my little brother Tommy, our cat Libby, and even though he had died, our dog Pancakes. Next I drew our house, then our car, then my school. I kept drawing anything I could think of, trees, birds, insects, until my sketchbook was full. I used my allowance to purchase more books so I could keep drawing. I honed my craft, redoing my earlier drawings in greater detail. My thoughts considered his wording, “I am not one who could consume an entire ocean.” I wanted to ask him if there were those who could, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know such things. Mr. BrownStickLegs didn’t return until my Freshman year of high school. To him, it wasn’t like any time had passed. I read up on lucid dreaming in the time between visits so that when he returned I would be better capable of talking to him. He held my book in his hands, flipping through my drawings, doting over the increased refinement of my drawing skills. I had filled a dozen sketchpads and upgraded from Crayola to Prismacolor Premier pencils for my drawings. His biggest surprise was when after he complimented my drawings I spoke to him. “Thank you.” I said, seeing the words in my mind as I spoke them aloud. If he had a surprised expression, his eyes showed it. “You have been very busy, child,” he said. “Do you have any questions you would like to ask?” I hesitated, but finally formed the words in my mind. “Are there creatures who can consume an entire ocean?” He didn’t respond right away, which made me think I had not asked properly. As I asked him a second time, he put a finger to my lips as if to shush me. “There are those who can. They are known as the Dark Ones. They are capable of consuming entire souls, emptying them out, leaving them dry and barren. You should not fear them, but you should also not provoke them.” His eyes curved downward, as if concerned or afraid. “What do they look like?” I asked. In my mind, my visions were filled with images of great, terrible creatures. Spiders taller than the Empire State Building on thin spindly legs of shadow and smoke. Tentacled monsters in the seas lofting blue whales like they were toys, ripping them to shreds with their curved chitinous beaks. Great, gastly flying creatures that knocked over orchards and forests with the beat of their leathery wings. “I showed you only because you ask,” Mr. BrownStickLegs said, “but it is best that we don’t talk or think about them. Let them be.” I nodded in my mind. He leaned forward and pressed his plate like face to my head as if to kiss me on the forehead, which was odd since he didn’t have a mouth. Then, as usual, he closed my eyes and I drifted back to sleep. My life took a downturn during the latter years of high school. My Dad lost his job, and when the search for a new one dragged on, he turned to drinking to cope with his failure. He wasn’t abusive, but he wasn’t fun to be around either. In the months following, my parents would hush their arguing when I entered the room, greeting me with smiles as if nothing were wrong. That lasted until the day I came home from school to them fighting over a foreclosure notice from the bank. We moved out over a weekend from our home in the suburbs to an apartment on the other side of town. I internalized my feelings during that time. I withdrew from my friends and school activities besides the art club, the only one we could still afford. I saw my friends driving to school and hanging out while I rode the bus, too poor and too far out of the way to join in. My tastes began to change as well. Out was the bubblegum pop of Katy Perry, Ke$ha, and Taylor Swift. Instead I listened to Pierce the Veil, Sleeping with Sirens, and Bring Me The Horizon. My clothes and makeup became darker, more black t-shirts and skirts with black eyeliner and black fingernail polish. Mom called it my goth phase, not that she understood. My drawings became darker too. I moved from colored pencils to charcoal, drawing skulls and gothic looking cemeteries as my passion for drawing animals and flowers waned. I also drew the Dark Ones, in great detail, exactly how I remembered them in my mind’s eye. Mr. BrownStickLegs visited me again a month after we moved into the apartment. He looked more at home in my room of black light posters and deathmetal bands than he did in my previous room. His eyes were dim, not the vibrant red as they were before. He stared at me as I lay in bed, unable to move. He moved inches from my face as I heard his words in my mind. “Your soul tastes different now.” He didn’t speak of my drawings. I worried that he might, especially since I had been drawing the Dark Ones. Not only drawing them, but thinking about them, and what type of damage they could do if they were to wake. He seemed sad for me, although reading his expression was difficult with no face. He patted my forehead like before, but didn’t close my eyes before leaving as he used to. My life continued its spiraling path like a bottle rocket with a broken stick. My parents didn’t talk outside of short conversations about which bills to pay and which ones to ignore. Each night, Dad disappeared into a bottle while Mom disappeared online to chat with a male Facebook friend she knew from high school. The thing about rock bottom is that it’s often a disguise for a trap door that drops you to an even lower depth than you thought possible. The first bottom came when my father died. Drove off the road into a gravel pit late at night with an empty bottle of bourbon in the passenger seat. I cried, but it felt hollow. I felt hollow. Even when mom tried to hold me, I felt nothing inside, not sadness, not guilt, not anything. I disappeared into my sketchbooks, drawing even darker, more disturbing images. Death, dismemberment, vividly accurate vivasections of the cute animals I used to enjoy drawing. My friends no longer talked to me, which was fine because I didn’t want to talk to them anymore anyways. I found people to hang out with, not friends, but people who could get me access to moments of chemical induced euphoria to forget about life for a while. Just like that, the trap door opened, dropping me to a new rock bottom of addiction. One thing I had that in common with my dad, but instead of falling into a bottle, I fell into a needle. I stole money from my Mom’s purse to feed my habits, not that she noticed. She was busy with her old Facebook friend who had moved from online acquaintance to nightly sleepover companion. When the time came to begin my senior year I didn’t bother going back. I kept drawing, filling entire sketchbooks with the dark images that reflected my bleak outlook on life. The Dark Ones were prevalent subjects during this period of my life. I drew them feasting on humanity, raking flesh from bone in their jagged teeth behind lips of smoke. I came home one night to find my mom and her new male friend in the middle of a fight. It was different from her fights with dad, more violent, more physical. When he raised his hand at me for trying to intervene, I decided it was time to bolt. I left home, hitching rides with anyone with a set of wheels I could manage to put up with for short periods of time. My preference leaned toward those with access to the chemical release I craved. The more I could numb, the more I could escape. I found certain drug combinations had similar effects to sleep paralysis, where my mind’s ability to control my body’s action became severed. In those moments of numbed paralysis I’d see Mr. BrownStickLegs watching from afar as I dulled the pain. I saw what I perceived as the Dark Ones too, but they weren’t hiding in the shadows like Mr. BrownStickLegs did. They were the shadows. I called out to them as well, for in those moments I wanted nothing more than to be hollowed out and empty, a void so dark no pain could ever penetrate it. When they didn’t answer, I called out to Mr. BrownStickLegs, but he would vanish every time. Perhaps it was all just a drug fueled hallucination. Overdosing was never my intention. I was pushing too much, trying to find the edge of the void after feeling so low, so very low, searching for that something extra to filter out the background noise. I took it too far, giving myself a near-lethal dose. At one moment, I was lying next to strangers on a stained mattress in an abandoned warehouse. Then came the initial rush of euphoric bliss. And then, nothing. Whoever I was traveling with at the time dumped me on the curb in front of the ER, making me someone else’s problem. This was my rock bottom moment, although at the time, it felt more like freefall. I spent three weeks in a coma. I was aware of my surroundings, and could hear the doctors and nurses as they checked my vitals and tended to my cleanliness and upkeep, but I couldn’t move or speak. At the end of my third week in the ICU on an incubator, I looked up to find Mr. BrownStickLegs hovering over me, his round red eyes peering through the darkness. “What have you done to yourself, child?” his voice spoke inside my mind. In my mind, I was beside him, standing in the middle of a vast salt flat desert. The ground was cracked and dry in a hexagonal pattern that stretched in all directions. “This is your soul now, there is nothing left to drink.” I heard my beep of my heart rate monitor back in my hospital room speed up as fear entered my mind. “I called out to the Dark Ones,” I said. “I asked for them to come. They emptied me out, emptied my soul.” “No, my child. You did this. You have not replenished, you have only consumed. And now, nothing remains.” I dropped to my knees in the middle of the salt as I felt a rumbling deep inside the hollow pit of my stomach. I leaned forward onto my arms, but they were no longer my arms. They were pitch black and empty. I could feel them, but when I looked at them, they were empty voids of smoke and shadow. I stood up on my legs, but they were no longer my legs. The darkness swirled up my torso and down my arms. The emptiness inside me consumed my entire body until only my head remained. “What’s happening to me?” I heard a snap as my arms and legs split, forming eight black, spindly thin legs. I collapsed onto them, unable to support myself. Mr. BrownStickLegs glided down in front of my face, his eyes inches from my own. “As I told you, child, only the Dark Ones have the ability to consume an entire ocean of a soul. That is your fate. That is what you will become.” Back in the room, my heart rate monitor crashed to a flatline. I felt the cold darkness swirl up my neck to my head as the void consumed me. I was aware of the nurses and doctors huddled around my body, prepping the crash cart, but all I felt was the cold consuming what was left of me. “Help me,” I uttered. “Please.” My physical body jolted from the electric paddles, but I felt nothing. Only the cold darkness. A needle injected into my IV line as they recharged for another burst of electricity. Still I felt nothing. Only cold, only darkness, only the vast emptiness of the void. Mr. BrownStickLegs tilted his head as he stared through his unblinking red eyes. He leaned forward, pressing his plate like face to my forehead. I felt a vibration against my skin, followed by the tingling sensation of heat returning. The darkness receded back down my arms and legs. As he pulled back, the red in his eyes had diminished. “A gift, for the girl who gave me pants.” A tear formed in my eye. It rolled down my cheek and fell onto the parched landscape below. Before I could say anything, an electronic jolt coursed through my body, pulling me away from the salt flat expanse and back to my hospital room. The sinus rhythm of my heart rate monitor returned to normal. I felt the cool gel of the defibrillator paddles against my chest. I remember squeezing the hand of one of the attending nurses, who smiled down at me. “Look who’s awake.” I cried, but it was different than before. I felt the pain I had long been avoiding, but I felt something else as well. I felt grateful, and I felt a sense of hope I hadn’t known in a long time. It was a long road back from the darkness, but the thing about the road to recovery is that, like a road, it leads to a destination. After years of listless drifting towards the void, having a destination was an important first step in finding self-love. I reconnected with my mother, who was struggling with her own form of the darkness. We leaned on one another, talking and going to therapy as we worked through the issues that drove us apart. After my release from the hospital I moved back home with her, her Facebook friend long gone. I got my GED and used my many sketchbooks as a portfolio to get an apprenticeship at a tattoo parlor. I've been clean for four years now, and it feels good to smile again. Granted, I still prefer Pierce the Veil to anything from Katy Perry’s catalogue, and my tattoos and jewelry have more skulls than fluffy bunnies, but that's all on the surface. I no longer crave the darkness to consume me. I often think about the vision with Mr. BrownStickLegs on the salt flats that night in the hospital. I had not seen him since that night, and I often wonder about the state of my soul since that day. Has it replenished or is it still the dried up barren wasteland that he took me to on the night? Last night, around three in the morning, I finally got my answer. I woke up with a heaviness on my chest, arms and legs. At first I felt the grips of fear grabbing hold, much like the first time I experienced it. But then in the dark corner of my room, I saw glowing red eyes staring back at me from the shadows. In spite of my sleep paralysis, couldn’t help but smile when I heard his voice call out to me. “Child, your soul tastes much better now.” submitted by /u/writechriswrite to r/nosleep [link] [comments]

We called her Spacegirl. Her real name was Megan Daniels, but nobody actually called her that. She’d been Spacegirl since Grade 2. She was the kind of kid who stuck out in the crowd with her long red hair, ghostly pale skin and coke bottle glasses. For as long as I’d known her, Spacegirl had been quiet. She didn’t like to be around us. She didn’t play with us when we were kids, she didn’t even talk much. Most of the time, she’d find somewhere to sit, far away from everyone else. Then she’d open up her little notebook and scribble inside of it. Sometimes she wrote poems, sometimes she drew. But she was always off on her own little world. Nowadays, I understand why we targeted her. She was different, and she was alone. That doesn’t justify any of it, but kids can be cruel. I remember that it was Sasha Brown who told me that Spacegirl was retarded because her Mother was on drugs. She probably just made that up. But we all believed it. She had always been the worst towards Spacegirl, and she kept that up until the end. It all started in Grade 5 when Sasha took her notebook. It had been raining that day, so we’d had an indoor recess. Spacegirl sat in the corner at her desk, eyes focused on her notebook as she methodically worked on a drawing. Sasha and I had been sitting nearby at our desks, and we simply just watched her do her thing. “I can’t believe they let that retard sit in with us.” Sasha murmured, “Look at her… Why do they even let them in schools? They aren’t gonna learn anything.” “Better than leaving her at home with her crackhead Mom.” Said Tanya Evrett. She and I weren’t exactly friends, but she sat close to Sasha and I. “My Dad says he sees a different car in front of her house every day. He says that she lets boys come and they pay her so they can have S-E-X.” None of us could actually say the dreaded S word at the time. Sex was still a terrible unknown thing, and we all had been raised to believe that nobody decent would ever do it. Spacegirl paused, and her eyes darted away from her book, to look at us. I can only imagine she’d heard us. Sasha just stared right back at her. “What? Do you have a problem, Spacegirl?” She asked. The Teacher was out of earshot, and that gave her carte blanche to say whatever she wanted. Spacegirl didn’t respond. She just looked back down at her notebook, but Sasha had been challenged (or at least she thought she’d been). She looked over to the Teachers desk to make sure she was busy, then she got up and moved closer to Spacegirl. “What are you even doing in there, retard?” She’d reached out to snatch the book before Spacegirl could stop her. “What even is this? A Unicorn? What are you, five?” She handed the book to me, and I took it on instinct. There was a brightly colored drawing of a Unicorn inside. The artwork was actually pretty nice, but I would never have said so. The book was passed on to Tanya next, and Spacegirl could only look at us helplessly. “Wow. You can’t even draw. Look at this?” She tore the page out of the notebook, and Spacegirl let out a startled whimper, as if she’d been struck. The picture was crumpled up and the book was thrown on the floor by Spacegirls desk. “Draw something that isn’t trash next time.” Tanya said, and Sasha just giggled as if it was anything other than being mean spirited just for the sake of it. Spacegirl slowly picked her book up off the floor, avoiding eye contact as Tanya and Sasha turned away from her. I continued to stare. I remember that the way she moved was so defeated, as if she were shrinking in on herself. She looked up at me, but only for a moment and I felt bad for her. I really did. But I didn’t do anything about it. I just left her to rejoin the others. ​ After that, Spacegirl became an easy target for Sasha and Tanya. Every chance they got, they’d harass her and I regret to admit that I was usually right there with them. During the days where we could go outside for recess, Spacegirl would always sit beneath the same tree, always working in her notebook. When she did, we would always lean on the trunk and look down over Spacegirls shoulder. “Wow, that’s really good, Spacegirl.” Was how most of her comments would start, “Did you mean to draw it like it got hit by a truck, or is that just your style?” There was never a compliment. She would always find something to needle. “Can you draw me?” Sasha asked once, “I heard that retards were always like, art geniuses or something. Maybe it’ll even look like a person!” Spacegirl didn’t look up at her. She seemed to be trying not to acknowledge the insults. I won’t pretend like I was blameless either. I never stopped them, and there were plenty of times where I was right there, making fun of her because that was what we did, and we weren’t the only ones. More or less everyone hurt her in some way or another. But she never complained. I think she was too scared to. ​ It was late December in 7th grade where things got even worse. I don’t know all the details, and I don’t know just for how long things had been boiling over, but I’d heard a rumor that James Hardy had it out for Spacegirl. James had only been in my class a few times, and he wasn’t in my class that year. He was a small, mousy looking kid who was convinced he was the world's toughest gangster. The rumors said that someone had seen his Dad going into Spacegirls house. Naturally there had been speculation that they'd been having sex. Someone told me that James’ parents had been divorcing because of it. Somehow all of these rumors had mutated into claims that James and Spacegirl were dating and I think that was what had rubbed him the wrong way. We were coming in from recess when some boys decided to pull a little prank on James. The whole prank had been set up by Brian Jordan and his brother Mike. They had some mistletoe for the Holiday season, and had set it up in the hall leading back to our classroom. Mike had grabbed Spacegirl during recess and were holding her behind the door where the mistletoe was. When James walked through, they pushed her at him and snapped a picture. I’d been just behind James when it happened. I watched as Spacegirl came flying out of seemingly nowhere, eyes wide and afraid, then slammed into James. They both hit the ground, and I could hear the other boys laughing. “LOOK! She wanted to give you a kiss!” One the boys said. Spacegirl was trying to crawl away from James and pick up her notebook, but somebody had kicked it out of sight. I remember that she looked back towards James, and there were tears in her eyes. She must have been terrified with everything that was going on. She clearly hadn’t wanted any part in this, but there she was at the center of it. “You fucking faggot assholes!” James yelled as he picked himself up. “Hey, she just wanted to give you a smooch!” aughed Brian, “Come on, give her a kiss!” Someone pushed Spacegirl towards James, and he glared at her as if all of this was her fault. She tried to stand and run, but he was angry and he wasn’t thinking straight. I watched as he grabbed her and hit her. A square punch to the jaw. Then he tossed her to the ground and went after Brian next. A teacher had to get in to pull James off of him. He, Spacegirl and the Jordan Brothers ended up getting suspended right before the Christmas holidays. We didn’t see Spacegirl until January… we didn’t see James or his friends ever again. ​ On Christmas Eve, there was a car accident on the highway outside of my town. Supposedly it had swerved off the road to avoid an animal of some kind, and gone into a ditch. Mike, Brian and their parents didn’t survive. On December 27th, James was killed while outside shoveling his driveway. My Parents told me that he’d been attacked by an animal. Probably a deer or something. But that seemed so unusual… I’d never heard anything about deer attacking people before. Especially not in my area. I went over to Sasha’s house on the day before New Years. We’d both gotten some gift cards for Christmas and we were planning to walk to the mall together to use them. Her parents weren’t home, they both had to work. So it was just us when I got there. “Hey! Kept me waiting!” She said when I knocked on the door. “Sorry.” “It’s fine. I’ll be ready in a bit. Come on upstairs, I wanna show you something!” I didn’t question what it was. I figured it was just something else she’d gotten for Christmas, so I went upstairs with her. “You’re gonna love it.” She promised me, “It’s gonna be so funny…” She led me to her bedroom, and as soon as she opened the door, I spotted a familiar notebook on her desk. “Where did you get this?” I asked, walking closer to it. “Spacegirl dropped it when Brian and his Brother pulled that prank the other day, she dropped it. I may have grabbed it… Y’know. Just for safekeeping.” She cracked a wry grin, before opening the notebook. “Look at this… She’s been drawing the same damn Unicorns forever. She didn’t even finish this one!” She paused at one small picture that was labeled ‘The Unicorn Prince’. It depicted an empty field with a blank space where the titular Prince should have been. Sasha flipped through the pages a little more until she got to the newer ones. “I figured since they kicked Spacegirl out for a little while, and her Mom is too poor to get her anything for the holidays, I’d step up! What do you think?” Sasha wasn’t anywhere near as good of an artist as Spacegirl was, but the simple detail in what she had drawn turned my stomach. In her first picture, Spacegirl was hanging from a rope. Her tongue was hanging out, and her eyes were closed. In the second one, Spacegirl had a gun in her mouth. In the third one, she was standing on the edge of a building. Sasha giggled as I flipped through her crude depictions of suicide. There were pages of them. “What do you think?” She asked with a grin, “I’ll bet she’ll lose her shit!” I closed the notebook and looked over at Sasha. “A-are you out of your mind?” I asked. Sasha’s grin faded. “What do you mean?” “You stole her notebook, just so you could draw these? Sasha, that’s really messed up!” “It’s Spacegirl, who the hell cares about Spacegirl, Jane?” “You just… drew her killing herself over and over again!” I took the book off her desk, “Do you not understand what’s wrong with that?” Sasha just stared at me like I was crazy. “Fine. Sue me for trying to be funny.” Sasha said, “Just give it here…” She outstretched a hand to take the notebook, but I pulled back from her. “No. You’re just going to put something else in there.” Anger flared in Sasha’s eyes. “Jane, just give me the book.” “No!” I opened the book, and I started to tear out those pages of Spacegirls suicide. Sasha lunged for me, trying to grab at the book and stop me, but pushed her back. I didn’t mean to push so hard, but I did and she fell, landing hard on the ground. For a moment, Sasha looked up at me, wide eyed and shocked. I don’t think anyone had laid a hand on her like that before. Then I saw something in her eyes… Not just anger. Something worse. It was the same thing that had prompted her to draw those horrible pictures of Spacegirl. I turned and I ran, bolting down her stairs and out her front door, back into the snow. I clutched Spacegirls notebook to my chest the entire time and I didn’t let it go until I got home. ​ I spent the rest of the Christmas break terrified that my parents would get a call from Sasha’s. I’d pushed her, and that seemed like such a big deal at the time. In hindsight, I doubt Sasha would have told her parents what had happened. They would have asked why I’d pushed her, and I would have told them about the notebook. On some level, she must have known that what she’d done was wrong. She was a cruel person, but there was a limit. Part of me hoped that she’d realize that I was right and we could patch things up when School started again, but honestly I wasn’t so sure. I remember looking through Spacegirls drawings. The ones that she’d done. I remembered the ones I’d made fun of the most. There was one with a mermaid on a rock, combing her hair. Her eyes were closed in a relaxed bliss. I remembered saying how stupid her facial expression had looked, but honestly, I kinda liked it. I flipped through the pages some more, through Unicorns, Fairies and Castles. But I paused at the page depicting the Unicorn Prince. Back at Sasha’s place, it had been blank, but at my house it was finished. The Unicorn Prince stood proudly in his field, looking skywards with his horn proudly displayed. Maybe I had been thinking of a different picture? I brushed it off and flipped to the back where Sasha’s pictures were. One by one, I started tearing them out of the notebook and tossing them in the trash. It was a waste of paper, but I refused to give it back to Spacegirl with those images still in it. ​ On the first day back to school, I was up early. I made sure the notebook was packed into my bag and was out as early as I could be. The snow on the ground was almost pristine as I walked to school, but I remember seeing some tracks on my lawn, headed down the side of my house. Deep U shaped indents that looked like they’d been made by hooves. A deer perhaps? I didn’t dwell on them and made my way down the freshly shoveled sidewalk and back to school. I wasn’t entirely sure if Spacegirl would be back yet, but she was. She was alone in the classroom, sitting at her desk and drawing in a brand new notebook. She paused briefly when I walked in to join her, and I could see her sideying me. She didn’t say a word as I drew nearer, but I thought I saw her shoulders tense up ever so slightly. “Hey.” I said, “I’m… I hope you had a nice Holiday.” She didn’t respond. “I’m sorry about what happened the other day. I didn’t know anything about it, but it just seemed really mean spirited.” Still no answer. I reached into my backpack, taking out her old notebook. I put it on her desk in front of her. She stared at it, still silent, then back at me. “Sasha took it. I was over at her house the other day and she showed it to me. I had to take some pages out, but she drew some really awful things in there. I didn’t think it would be right to give it back with those things in there…” I paused, feeling smaller as Spacegirl stared at me. She didn’t seem angry or thankful. She didn’t seem anything at all. Just stoic. “I’m sorry if I wasn’t all that great to you before.” I said, and then I shuffled off to by desk. Spacegirl waited until I sat down before she opened her notebook and inspected it. Then she closed her new book, and started something new on a fresh page in her old one. It wasn’t much. But it made me feel at least a little good for what I’d done. ​ When Sasha got in, she didn’t talk to me. She didn’t even look at me. Neither did Tanya or any of our other mutual friends. I knew from the moment they walked in that I’d burned my bridges with them. But I still wanted to try. The Teacher hadn’t come in yet, so I figured it might be worth it to try and talk to Sasha. I got up to move closer to her and she gave me a look of utter disgust. “What do you want?” She spat. Now it was my turn to be silent. “Fuck off and leave us alone.” Tanya said, “You’d obviously rather hang out with the fucking retard than us, and I really don’t want you spreading your retard germs to us. It’s a quarantine issue.” I stared at both of them, and I could’ve sworn I knew how Spacegirl felt… What was I supposed to say to any of that? Instead, I just returned to my desk without a word. Spacegirl stared at me the entire time. Her pencil rested over her notebook, but she didn’t write anything. She set it down, tore out the page she’d been writing on and jammed it into her pocket. I later saw her toss it into the trash during lunch. ​ I didn’t really have anyone left… So I thought that maybe it might be a good idea to pull it out. Maybe it was something she wasn’t happy with? I’d never seen her throw a drawing out before. I was thinking that maybe I could use it as a peace offering of sorts, or something along those lines. When I saw what she’d written on it, I almost threw it back into the trash. Your Words There is a land where your sorry may go. A sickening land where it always snows The snow is putrid in color and smell It's substance- filth and things I won't tell. Only your Father has been there before. One day your boyfriend will visit once more. This place in your carcass this humanoid hell. Your sorry can go there to this hole in your shell My unsubtle message, this subtextual jazz. Is take your apology and stuff it up your ass. This was unlike anything I’d ever seen her write. It was so crass and spiteful… This was as close to hatred as she could have gotten. I understood why she’d thrown it out. It didn’t fit with everything else she’d done. Those things had been beautiful, despite what people had said to her. This was angry and ugly… This was something she’d written for me. I put it in my pocket. I wasn’t going to give it back to her, but I wanted to keep it. I wanted to remember the way I’d made her feel. ​ ​ Eighth grade wasn’t fun for me. I had very few friends left, and Sasha never forgave me for turning on her. Her version of the story was slowly warped as time went on. First I’d punched her and stolen the book. Then I’d tried to kiss her, punched her when she’d refused, then stole the book to try and get her in trouble. Rumors of me being a dyke spread pretty quickly, and hot on their heels came the rumors that I was dating Spacegirl. I tried not to let them bother me too much. I knew the truth and at the end of the day, I’d done the right thing. ​ By the time High School rolled around, I was hoping for a fresh start. There were new faces, and I figured I could make friends with them before Sashas rumors spread. I had a bit of success in that department. I fell in with a better crowd at least. Sasha stuck with her same old clique. It grew ever so slightly, but she was determined to live out the movie Mean Girls and most people didn’t pay her any mind. Spacegirl barely changed at all. I didn’t see her much when High School started. She was in a few of my classes, but I rarely saw her outside of them. Whenever she had a moment, she’d be in the library, usually in one of the corner cubicles, working on her drawings. Sometimes I thought about talking to her and trying to strike up a friendship… but it never felt right. Sasha’s bullying never let up of course. Of course she stalked Spacegirl to the library where she’d pull the same old shit she’d been pulling since the fifth grade. She’d leer over her cubicle and comment on her drawings. Picking them apart just like she always had. I stopped her whenever I saw it… but I didn’t always see it. “Coming to her rescue again, huh Jane?” Sasha asked once when I’d interrupted her. Tanya leered at me from behind her, chewing gum with her mouth open. “What’s she ever done to you anyways?” I asked, “She’s just minding her own business.” “Oh? What’s she done to you, dyke?” Sasha hissed. She leaned down over her cubicle and looked down at the notebook. “Unicorns… Unicorns, unicorns, fucking unicorns… When are you going to grow up Spacegirl?” “Hey! I told you to stop.” I rounded the cubicle and I saw Sasha recoil. For a moment, I saw a bit of fear in her eyes. It vanished quickly and was replaced with a familiar rage. “Fine.” She said, “Tan, let’s leave the happy couple to their alone time.” She pulled away from the cubicle and disappeared with Tanya nipping at her heels like a faithful terrier. Spacegirl remained hunched over her notebook, her long red hair spilling over her shoulders. She seemed impossibly still. I turned to leave her when I heard: “Thanks.” I looked back at her and saw that she was looking at me. “Um… You’re welcome.” I said, “Let me know if she bothers you again, alright?” “I will. But… you’re usually there anyways.” Her voice was soft and low. I’d heard it before, but I don’t remember her ever speaking directly to me. “Yeah, well. It’s just not right. She’s such a child. One of these days she’s going to have to grow up.” Spacegirl just nodded, looking over towards the library door, then back down at her notebook again. For a moment, I thought about asking her about what she was drawing. I thought about saying something else, but… No. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. I left her alone again. ​ In tenth grade, I took art as an elective. I wasn’t much of an artist, but I figured it would be an easy course. To the surprise of no one, Spacegirl was there. I actually asked her to work with me on a few group projects. I think the prospect of being asked to work together was foreign to her. She looked at me suspiciously when I did it, but when she smiled, it was the biggest smile I’d ever seen. I went to her house for the first time to work on a portrait project with her once. We were supposed to take turns drawing portraits of each other and I’d volunteered to let her draw me first. Rumors of her Mother had always surrounded Spacegirl, so I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect when I got there. I certainly wasn’t expecting the quiet, neatly kept house that I found. The Woman who answered the door looked like an older version of her daughter, sans the coke bottle glasses. “You must be Jane.” She said. She wasn’t smiling, but she didn’t sound upset either. “Yes ma’am…” “Come on in. Megan's upstairs. She was just getting ready for you.” The house was warm with plenty of knick knacks on the walls. Plates and porcelain dolls mostly. Her Mom sent me upstairs and I didn't waste any time. On the landing leading up to Spacegirls room, I could see a mural of family photos and paused to look at them. I could recognize Spacegirl and her Mother in most of them. Spacegirl never seemed to be smiling. I only saw her Father in a few of the very early pictures. Spacegirl looked like she was only a young child in the few pictures I saw him in though. I didn’t dwell for long and headed towards what I assumed was her room. The cardboard stars and planets on it gave it away. Sure enough, she was inside waiting for me. She sat facing the door behind an easel in the center of her room. Her bed was neatly made and tucked away in the corner. She had a clean little desk that she’d clearly been working on and had set a chair out for me to sit on. I hadn’t expected something so overwhelmingly formal and I almost started laughing… But then I noticed her walls. They weren’t just covered in drawings. The art pieces on them were full on paintings. They were the same fantasy depictions she usually did, but the colors were so vivid. The clouds looked like fluffy pillows and the castles seemed great and infinite. “Holy shit, are these yours?” “They are.” Spacegirl said softly. She stood up and took the plate of cookies from me, then moved it to her desk. “It… it’s soothing.” She said after a while, “Painting, I mean. I pick the drawings I like the most and… I finish them.” She spoke slowly, like she was carefully choosing her words. I almost felt like there was something that she was trying to avoid. I spotted a painting on the floor that looked like her Father. The style was the same but the content was different. He was surrounded by awkward scribbles, and he looked completely and utterly terrified. Spacegirl looked down at it, but she seemed to disapprove of it. She turned it around so I wouldn’t have to look at it. “We should get started.” She said, “Sorry…” “No, it’s alright!” I said. I sat in the chair for her. “I’d like to hear about it.” Spacegirl watched me from the corner of her eye for a moment, as if she doubted I was being serious. But eventually she sat down behind the easel and started to draw… Soon after that, she was talking too. I stayed long after she’d gotten what she needed for her sketch, just to talk. She told me that she’d always liked fantasy, and how she liked Unicorns because they were simple but pretty. I hung on to every word, and I could’ve sworn I saw her smiling shyly as she talked. The portrait she’d done of me was something else entirely. Her work had always been beautiful… but this made me look transcendent. I wasn’t entirely sure that I was looking at myself at first. There was something about the look on my face. There was a small, almost content smile there. The warmth it conveyed was almost disney-esque. “I love it.” I told her, “That’s incredible Spa… Megan… That’s really great!” “You can call me Spacegirl if you want.” She said, “I don’t mind the nickname… Not as much as I mind the people at least.” My awe quickly turned to shame, but Spacegirl didn’t look upset… She just stared at me blankly like she so often did. No… not blankly. Her face might not have conveyed much emotion, but there was definitely some emotion there. “I wish… I wish I’d been nicer to you, when we were younger.” I said. “Is that why you’re here right now?” Spacegirl asked. “No! I… I’m here for the assignment. I mean… the art assignment. The portraits…” She continued to stare. “Did you pick me because you felt bad for me?” She asked. “No! I just thought it would be cool to work with you.” Spacegirl didn't react for a moment, but then she just nodded. “Okay.” Her flat tone made it hard to know what she meant by that. She stood up and walked over to the portrait. “Mom can drive you home if you need a ride.” She said. I opened my mouth to say something else. I wanted to apologize, but I didn’t know what.Had I offended her? Had I said something wrong? “Alright. Thanks.” It was the only thing I could think of. “See you tomorrow.” With that, I left her. ​ I was almost afraid to see Spacegirl the next morning. I drifted through my classes that day until I reached art… and when I did, I wasn’t expecting what I saw. She had clearly been up late… but what she’d brought in stole my breath away. It was my portrait, but she’d done more with it than I thought possible. She’d painted over the sketch, turning me into something beautiful. Flowers bloomed around my brown hair and a crown of daisies, lilies and chrysanthemums adorned my head. The colors were so vivid, and I looked so at peace in it. Spacegirl was looking right at me as I came in, as if she was gauging my reaction. But all I could do was stare wide eyed and in awe. When I looked back at Spacegirl, she was smiling at me. Her project single handedly netted us an A on the project and got the privilege of being hung up outside of the art classroom. Of course I told her how much I loved it, and I remember the way she smiled when I did. I remember thinking that it was the cutest smile I'd ever seen. ​ My portrait was up for barely even a day before Sasha had to make a comment. I’d been on my lunch, and had just gotten some fries from the cafeteria when she and Tanya ambushed me. “Where’s your flower crown, dyke.” Sasha said, “Leave me alone.” I said, brushing past them, but Sasha was out for blood. “I always knew you were a little dyke. But now you’ve posted solid proof of it! We’ve gone and cracked the case, haven’t we? So what happened? Did you go to her house and lick her retarded little snatch? You must be a real good dyke because she went and drew that for you!” I tried to walk away from her, but Sasha and Tanya just kept following me. “What’s wrong? Am I not pretty enough for you Dyke?” She snapped at me. “Maybe she only fucks retarded girls.” Tanya said, “I’ll bet Spacegirl squealed like a pig when she came.” I stopped dead in my tracks, and I heard Sasha stop behind me. I don’t know what it was about what she’d said that pissed me off so much. But those two had finally struck a nerve. I spun around, swinging my lunch tray as hard as I could. Fries were scattered everywhere, but although I was aiming for Tanya, I hit Sasha. She went down hard, and I’m not sure if she was even still conscious when she hit the ground. Tanya was on me in an instant. She slammed me back against a wall, and kept me pinned. She had size and strength on me, and there wasn’t a thing I could do to stop her. Several other students grabbed at us. A teacher finally got involved and all three of us got escorted to see the Principal. As we left the cafeteria, I saw Spacegirl in one of the halls, just staring at me. Naturally I got a three day suspension, but Tanya and Sasha were fine. Both of them said they’d just been walking and I attacked unprovoked. It was their word against mine. Sasha had a familiar shit eating grin on as she left the office with only a bruise on her forehead to show for her troubles, but there was a familiar look in her eyes. That same anger I’d seen last time I’d laid a hand on her… and something about it scared me. When I came back to school, I realized that I had every reason to be afraid. My portrait was missing. I wondered if they’d taken it down because I’d attacked Sasha, but the truth was a lot worse. “Someone took it.” Spacegirl said. She was sitting in her usual spot in the library when I found her, sketching flowers in her notebook. “When?” “The day after you hit Sasha… I don’t think anyone’s found it yet.” She didn’t look up at me. Just stayed focused on her art. She didn’t need to say it for me to know who she blamed. Who else would it be? I had half a mind to confront Sasha about it, but I didn’t know if that would be a good idea or not. Sasha could easily just cry wolf. I wouldn’t put it past her. In the end, it didn't matter. By the time I was headed to art class, the painting was back. But there had been some modifications made to it. The words: Retard Fucking Dyke Had been painted across my portrait in bright red. I saw it from down the hall and could see some other students whispering amongst themselves beneath it. I didn’t know what to say or do… But this felt like too much. The picture was taken down quickly… but the damage was done. Sasha had gotten her revenge, and it didn’t stop with just the painting. Spacegirl looked different than when I’d seen her in the library. She seemed uneasy, and her eyes were red like she’d been crying. “I’m sorry about the painting…” I said softly. She looked at me, before sighing. “I knew she’d do something like that…” She said, “I’m so used to it by now, that it doesn’t bother me anymore. I’m sorry she wrote those things about you, though.” “But you worked hard on that.” I said, “I’d be upset too.” She just shook her head. “That’s not it.” She said. She reached into her pocket, pulling out a crumpled up piece of paper then slid it over to me. Slowly I uncrumpled the paper, and my eyes widened as I recognized what was on it. It wasn’t the same drawing… but it was close enough. It was a depiction of Spacegirl hanging herself, and me beside her. A caption read ‘Retard Dyke Wedding’. “There were so many in my locker…” Spacegirl said. “This is what she drew in your notebook… when I returned it to you… This is what I had to take out.” Spacegirl looked down at the picture again, before averting her eyes. She didn’t pay much attention during class. Instead of taking notes, she sketched in her notebook. I looked over a few times to see her drawing another Unicorn. This one seemed so similar to the one I’d seen before. She must not have been quite happy with it though… When I looked back at her notebook, the Unicorn wasn’t there anymore. She must have just erased it… but it seemed so clean. Like it hadn’t been erased at all. ​ Tanya was following me on my walk home that evening. I didn’t know what she had in mind, but I didn’t want to put up with it. When I was in the middle of a small walking path that cut behind some of the houses on my street, I stopped and looked at Tanya as she kept approaching. “What do you want?” I asked. “It’s a surprise.” She said, “Sasha and I just want you to know how much we love Dykes in this town… Oops, I’ve said too much.” I wanted to hit her. Dear God I just wanted to hit her, but we both knew she could overpower me. Whatever Tanya had in mind… it wasn’t anything good. She drew closer to me, unafraid of anything I’d do. “Come on, Dyke. Go home.” She said. “Let’s go check out your surprise.” In a sudden horrible moment, I realized that Tanya was threatening me. I also realized that I couldn’t outrun her… I couldn’t fight her off. I didn’t really have much of a choice but to do as she asked. Slowly, I turned and walked towards my house, with Tanya at my heels. It wasn’t far, and up ahead I could see Sasha sitting on a park bench. From a distance, I recognized the red gas can beside her, and I stopped dead in my tracks. Tanya seized me by the arm and pulled me towards the bench. Sasha just watched with a wide, manic grin. “Hey Jane.” She said, “How’s it going?” “What the fuck is this?!” “Just wanted to chat.” Sasha said with a cold chuckle, “You think you can get away with pulling the shit you did the other day. No. You’ve been treating me like garbage for years, and for what? Because of Spacegirl? You know who you’re fucking choosing, right? Right? God… I hate that retard girl. But you know what? I hate you even more. Acting like you’re better than me just because you feel bad for her.” “You’re crazy.” Sasha just laughed. “I’m not the one who clocked someone with a fucking tray just for a little bit of teasing. You’re absolutely fucking psycho!” On the bench behind her, I saw the portrait that Spacegirl had painted of me. Sasha picked it up and tossed it in front of me, then picked up the gas can and dumped it onto the canvas. “You wanna be a Dyke, I don’t care. But I’m not letting you and your retarded whore put your shit up! So say goodbye to your little project, slut!” Sasha reached into her pocket and took out a book of matches. Her grin widened, before suddenly vanishing outright as she looked at something behind us. “What the hell?” Tanya said, and I craned my neck to try and see what they were seeing. As for believing it… that was another story entirely. Standing on the path behind us was a Unicorn… but the way it looked was all wrong. This was nothing like a regular horse. Its body was plain white and almost textureless save for the many thin blue lines that ran along its body. It looked like it had been cut out from a sheet of lined paper but… that was impossible… It had to be impossible. Neatly done grey lines defined the shape of the horse. In fact, the lines reminded me of the ones Spacegirl used. This Unicorn looked like it had walked out of one of her notebooks! Tanya let me go and stumbled back a few steps, wide eyed as she stared at the advancing Unicorn. It let out an angry noise before charging straight for Tanya. She panicked and tried to run. In her desperation to escape, she bolted down the path. But she couldn’t outrun the paper Unicorn. It lowered its head as it drew nearer to her, and in one swift movement, the horn pierced Tanya’s back, impaling her straight through the chest. She screamed as she was hoisted off the ground and the Unicorn circled back to fix Sasha in a murderous glare. Tanya looked down at the massive spike sticking out of her, her eyes clearly wide with horror and her body twitching its last spasms as the life quickly drained from her. The Unicorn lowered its head to let her slide off of its horn and she hit the ground in a bundle of limbs. Sasha and I stared in silent horror as the Unicorn reared up on its hind legs and brought its hooves down upon Tanya’s body. She didn’t scream. She didn’t fight. She simply lay there as she was trampled again and again. I can only hope she died quickly. Sasha dropped the unlit match and took a slow, terrified step back before toppling over. I stumbled back and looked down to see the portrait of me at her feet. But it had changed. That beautifully painted version of me was now leaning out of the canvas, invading the real world and clutching Sasha’s leg tightly. Still with that look of contentment on her face, I watched as the Painted Me slowly slipped back into her panting, and she took Sasha’s leg with her. “FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!” Sasha desperately swatted at the Painted Me, but she couldn’t overpower it. She couldn’t escape. Her nails tried to dig into the pavement as she was slowly dragged into the canvas. She looked at me in horror, silently begging for help but all I could do was stare back at her in silence. “JANE! JANE HELP! PLEASE! PLEASE!" The hands of the Painted Me reached up, seizing Sasha by the hair and forcing her down into the canvas. It was like watching something pull her underwater. One minute she was there, the next she was gone. I stood silent in the park, staring at the painting, then at the paper Unicorn. The Unicorn huffed before retreating off into the woods and then I was alone. Slowly, I approached the painting and I looked down at it. It had changed and now it depicted Sasha, her mouth open in a horrified final scream. After some hesitation, I picked up the painting. I could return it to Spacegirl in the morning. ​ They chalked Tanya’s death up to an animal attack, and nobody ever found Sasha. I never asked Spacegirl about what I saw. I don’t think even she knew the answer, although she certainly knew much more than I did. ​ High School was ten years ago though, and I’ve chosen not to remember as much as I can. I’ve got my own life to live now and I try not to ask so many questions. Sometimes I see paintings move, but I don’t bother with a second glance and I never ask my wife about them. She doesn’t like to talk about it and I won’t ever force her. The painting of Sasha hangs in her studio at home, right beside the painting of her Father. Sometimes I look at it and I wonder if maybe things could have been different… but I don’t feel too guilty about it. I wouldn’t feel too guilty if I heard another story about a suspicious trampling or animal attack either but to my knowledge, there’s been nothing of the sort. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. I do my best to make sure nobody hurts my beautiful Spacegirl. submitted by /u/HeadOfSpectre to r/nosleep [link] [comments]