Decorating Ideas For The Home

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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/LunaWhispera Originally posted to r/AITH AITA for dropping out of my sister's wedding after accidentally overhearing what she really thinks of me? Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability Trigger Warnings: financial exploitation Original Post: June 9, 2026 AITA for dropping out of my sister's wedding after accidentally overhearing what she really thinks of me? I (29F) have a younger sister Leila (26F) who got engaged 6 months ago and when she said she couldn't afford an engagement party I ended up paying £4,200 for the entire thing, venue catering decorations everything, and she promised to pay me back but never mentioned it again. Two weeks later she asked me to be her maid of honor, and I was so happy I immediately said yes and started planning everything. Then last week I was on a video call with our mum when Leila walked in not knowing I could hear and I heard her tell mum that her best friend Sophie was supposed to be MOH but backed out because she's pregnant and exhausted and then Leila said, "I had to ask [my name] instead, at least she's already paid for everything, so she'll just keep going along with whatever I need." I sat on mute not moving for a full minute. Then my aunt told me Leila had been telling her fiancé's entire family that I volunteered to pay for the party as a gift so now his whole family thinks I'm this generous selfless sister when in reality I'm just a backup plan she picked because I'm easy to control and I'm still waiting to be paid back £4,200. I called her and told her I was stepping down as MOH and she cried and said I was ruining her wedding and now my mum is furious and my dad hasn't spoken to me in three days, and everyone is acting like I'm the villain for refusing to smile and stand next to someone who only sees me as an ATM with legs. I was on mute. Not deaf. AITA? Relevant Comments Commenter 1: NTA I would have told her that I heard everything she said. I wouldn’t just say I heard everything, I would repeat it to her. She is playing the victim now, it’s harder to play the victim when you hear your own words repeated back to you. I have no problem being the second choice but the fact that she sees you as a cash cow is disgusting. OOP I actually did repeat her exact words back to her 'at least she's already paid for everything, so she'll just keep going along with whatever I need.' The silence on her end said everything. She didn't deny it, didn't apologize, just started crying. And you're so right, the second choice part I could have lived with. It was the cash cow part that broke something in me. Commenter 2: If your parents feel that way tell them they can repay you, you’ll go back to being moh, then offer nothing but emotional support from there on out. No money. OOP: That is genius. £4,200 and suddenly everyone's loyalty gets very clear very fast. Commenter 3: Go on social media and point out that you are NOT an ATM with legs. Your sister lied to everyone about the cost of the engagement party; why should you continue to throw good money after bad. After her treatment of you consider not even attending but make sure to broadcast why so your "dear sister" can't skew the story to make you the bad guy. OOP: That thought has crossed my mind more than once. She already rewrote history once told his whole family I volunteered. If I stay silent she'll do it again. Maybe it's time the real story gets told before she gets to spin it. Commenter 4: NTA, she's taking advantage of you. I'm assuming that growing up you were the one expected to do everything and help everyone, and she was allowed to do whatever her heart desires. OOP: You assumed correctly. Oldest daughter syndrome is very real. Commenter 5: NTA - tell everyone that as soon as little Sis pays you the 4,200 you might reconsider but because the ATM has run out of cash you won’t be spending anymore on her wedding… You didn’t Quinn anything sister did by her behavior… I’m guessing by the way your parents are behaving little sis is the Golden Child otherwise why would they defend her treatment of you and behavior? OOP: Golden child from day one. And that line about the ATM running out of cash is exactly how I am going to say it. Not emotional not dramatic just factual. Machine is empty. Try someone else.   Update: June 11, 2026 (two days later) UPDATE: AITA for dropping out of my sister's wedding after accidentally overhearing what she really thinks of me? I did not expect so many of you to respond and I have read through so many comments. Thank you genuinely. Strangers on the internet have shown me more kindness in one day than my own family has in years and that says everything. Here is what has happened since I posted. I screenshotted every single message where Leila acknowledged the £4200 as a loan. Three texts from her saying she would pay me back. Saved in three different places now. I sent my parents a calm factual email. No emotions no dramatics just a timeline. The engagement party cost. The loan agreement. What I heard on that call word for word. What she told his family. I told them I love them, but I will not apologise for removing myself from a situation where I was being used. No reply yet. I have cancelled every booking I made as MOH and got back what I could. The rest is a lesson. I have not contacted her fiancé yet, but I am not ruling it out. He deserves to know the £4200 was never a gift. Still sitting with that one. I will not be attending the wedding. I will not be sending a gift. I will be booking a trip somewhere I have never been with the money I would have spent on her hen do deposit. To everyone who said chosen family is realer than blood, I am starting to understand that now. I was on mute. Not deaf. And now I am done being silent too. Will update again if anything happens with the email or the fiancé situation. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I'd let her fiancé know just so she can't try to somehow make you the bad guy, aside from that, good for you!! I hope you have a fantastic trip!! You certainly deserve it. OOP: That is exactly why I am leaning towards telling him. Not to blow anything up but because she already made me the villain without a second thought. I am not protecting her from consequences she created herself. Commenter 2: I think you should tell the fiancé now. Maybe his parents will repay you. I don't know where you live or what the circumstances are with suing someone to get your money back but if you were in the US I would say take her to Small Claims Court and get your money back!! Good for you for standing your ground! I had to go no contact with my parents and most of my family, I asked myself if I wasn't tied to them by a tiny little strand of DNA would I ever want to talk to them or see them again and the answer was no. OOP: That DNA question hit different. I have been asking myself the same thing lately and the answer is getting clearer every day. And yes, small claims is absolutely on the table, she put it in writing, which is all I need. As for the fiancé decision has basically already been made. Commenter 3: Kudos to you for standing up for yourself. That is difficult for many of us to do. Your sister doesn’t sound like a nice person. Now that you know how she feels about you then you reduce your time, energy and effort spent on her. Do not allow your parents to guilt trip you either. They should get on her about her behavior and attitude. Love the idea of going on a vacation where you spend your money and time on self. Hope you have an awesome trip. Update us. OOP: Thank you. And yes, time energy and money all going inward from now on. No more funding people who see me as convenient. The trip is happening and I cannot wait to update you all from somewhere beautiful.   Final Update: June 14, 2026 (three days later) FINAL UPDATE: AITA for dropping out of my sister's wedding after accidentally overhearing what she really thinks of me? I know so many of you have been waiting. Here it is. The wedding happened last Wednesday. I was not there. I was on a train to Edinburgh watching the countryside go past with a coffee in my hand and for the first time in as long as I can remember I felt nothing except peace. I contacted her fiancé a few days after my last update. I kept it short and factual. The £4200 was a loan not a gift and I had the messages to prove it. I told him exactly what I heard on that call word for word. No drama just facts. He replied with one line. I appreciate you telling me. They got married anyway. That is his choice and I respect it. My parents called after my email. My mum said why do you always make everything so difficult. My dad said she is your sister. Neither acknowledged the loan. Neither apologised. I told them I loved them and hung up. My sister transferred £2000 four days before the wedding. No message. No sorry. Just the transfer. The remaining £2200 she says she will pay when she can. I have given her a written deadline. After that it goes to small claims. The texts are saved. She has not contacted me since the wedding. Not once. I got back from Edinburgh this morning. Still have my train ticket in my coat pocket. I visited a bookshop I had wanted to see for years. I ate dinner alone every night and ordered dessert without asking anyone if they wanted to share. I slept eight hours every single night. I did not cry once. But I am okay. More than okay. I was on mute. Not deaf. And now I am finally loud enough for myself. This is my last update. Thank you all for everything. OOP added significant information OOP: I know the timeline looks confusing. My original account was banned, and it took me almost 20 days to sort a new one and get this posted. Everything happened in real time, the dates in the post reflect when things actually occurred not when this went live. Sorry for the confusion. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I would put not only your sister, but your parents on LC at least, for a while if not permanently. OOP: Already thinking about it. The phone call with them told me everything I needed to know. Commenter 2: I hope you got some really good books! OOP: Came home with more than I could fit in my bag. No regrets. Commenter 3: You've discovered a secret that will change your life for the better. You can be happy and content entirely on your own. It's a gift that lots of people never discover. That's not to say that you'll choose to be alone forever, you'll find your people, but you won't be defined by others anymore. It's so freeing!! I'm so happy for you. OOP: That is exactly it. I did not know I could feel this light. Thirty years of shrinking myself to fit into spaces that were never built for me and one weekend in Edinburgh showed me what it feels like to just exist without apologising for it. That is the real update honestly. Commenter 4: I am happy for you. Edinburgh is so nice! I’m sorry about your parents’ reactions. They reveal how they treat you and show they didn’t learn anything from your email yet. Your mom’s reaction shows she expects you to agree with what you are told to do and not have needs/wants. In other words she wants you to be her helper and have no personality. Many emotionally immature parents do that. Their first child is their little helper and therapist. Your dad’s reaction is also revealing. He is not aware of how your relationship with your sister actually is to the degree he founds what happened surprising. Reads as though he agrees with your mom that you shouldn’t “rock the boat” but out of ignorance and not participating. OOP: This is the most accurate breakdown of my parents anyone has given me. Mum needs compliance not a daughter. Dad just follows her lead and calls it keeping the peace. I have spent 29 years being the helper the therapist and the ATM, and not once did either of them think to ask how I was doing. Edinburgh showed me what it feels like when nobody needs anything from me. I want more of that. Commenter 5: If op cancelled what she could, why is her sister now paying the full amount back? Honestly, it's hard to believe the sister would pay anything back after having all the deposits pulled. As written the sister would just escalate. OOP: The cancelled bookings were MOH related not the loan. Small claims threat is what made her actually start paying. Commenter 6: So glad you made the trip as well as standing up for yourself. And as a bibliophile I have to ask what bookstore??? OOP: Topping & Company on Princes Street in Edinburgh. Absolutely magical place. Floor to ceiling books and they bring you tea while you browse. Highly recommend to anyone who has not been. Commenter 7: I’m so sorry for this OP. IMO it’s always better to know what you’re dealing with, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t be disappointed and/or hurt. I’m so glad that you had a good trip and put yourself first and did what was best for you. Strongly recommend therapy to help you move past this whole thing. And of course, NTA OOP: Therapy is already on the list. Edinburgh showed me I deserve good things and talking to someone who actually listens feels like the next right step.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/kshucker OOP has given their permission to reposts this saga Neighbor harassment... Is there anything I can do? Originally posted to r/legaladvice & r/homeowners Editors Note: Prior to these posts, OOP made a post titled Potential neighbor harassment. What can be done? on Nov 29, 2016 (3 months earlier) which is unrecoverable, but is mentioned in the following post Original Post Feb 21, 2017 So, about 2 months ago, I posted here on r/legaladvice, that I moved into my first home and was warned by a friend who used to be a police officer, that my new neighbor would call the police for (what he said) everything you could imagine in the past. Dogs barking, loud cars, loud kids at the playground across the street, people walking on the sidewalk in front of her house, etc etc. My first post here was asking if there was anything I could do legally to keep her at bay from calling the police. This was about a week before I moved into the home and pretty much every response to me was laughing at me and telling me that if I wasn't a bad neighbor she wouldn't need to call the police. I took it with a grain of salt. Fast forward to moving day, and we pull up to the house in the Uhaul. About 30 minutes later, a police officer pulls up in his cruiser and checks in on us because they received a call from "somebody in the neighborhood". I asked what the call was about and he said he couldn't tell me, but we just told him we bought the house and had some friendly small talk and he was on his way. I'm convinced that it was our neighbor who made the call to the police. All we were doing was moving in! A week later it snows and I'm outside shoveling and so is my neighbor. I get to talking to her and within 30 seconds she starts bragging (more or less) about how she will call the cops on everybody and everything. I couldn't believe it. Google searched her name and an article popped up about a harassment charge she acquired 3 years ago. She got into a verbal altercation with a neighbor and she hit them with a spade shovel. She seems like a real upstanding citizen. Fast forward to present time. Last night it was unusually warm. I decided to get a fire going in our fire pit in the backyard. Before I could even get it lit, she's knocking on the fence and asks if she can talk to me. She says "I don't know what you guys are planning on doing over there, but there aren't too many people having fires with 10-15 mph gusts. If any of that smoke makes its way into my house, I'm going to have to make a call" I tell her that we were still going to have a fire and we'd be inside in about an hour. So, my question is, if she keeps threatening to "make calls" or have police show up at my door when I'm doing nothing illegal, is there anything I can do in terms of harassment or getting a restraining order? TLDR Neighbor calls the cops for just about everything, infringing on my privacy when I'm trying to enjoy myself. Nothing illegal is going on. Can I do anything about it in terms of harassment or getting a restraining order? UPDATE: Hello fellow Redditors, I'm the guy with the neighbor who won't stop calling the cops. Feb 24, 2017 (3 days later) I'll try and keep this short. I took all of the comments I read about what to do into consideration. Most suggested investing in a security camera system. As much as I don't want to do this, I'm going to have to. Today (2/24/2017), while I am at work, my S/O had to run to the store for something before work. S/O has to drive past our house to get to work from the store. S/O said that while passing our house our crazy neighbor lady is in OUR front yard with a leaf blower, blowing leaves around our yard, knowing that nobody was home in our house. Clearly on our property, no questions asked. I am fucking irate. Security cameras are being bought TODAY and being installed as soon as possible. At what point is trespassing, actually trespassing? I do not want her on my property but she was clearly on my property. A part of me wants to say she was doing what she was doing to get our dog worked up inside of our house. I'm desperately looking for some help here. edit: messaged the mods so this isn't locked anymore. edit 2: don't worry everybody. I'll update this story if anything else comes about after cameras are up and she's asked to not be on my property again. Update 2 - rareddit Apr 11, 2017 (6 weeks later) TLDR AT THE BOTTOM AS WELL And for the lazy who won't click the links, I'll give a quick overview of whats happening: Bought my first home in December, neighbor likes to call the cops for everything you can imagine, neighbor infringes on our privacy whenever we are outside and threatens to call the cops on us for no reason. Now bear with me here, I don't have exact dates to go off of since I am at work and on my lunch break. I will guesstimate the best as possible with dates. So we left my first update where me and my S/O caught our crazy neighbor lady in our front yard blowing leaves around. Nobody was home at the time and my S/O drove by the house and saw it. That's how we know. A lot of people suggested getting a security camera system and I said I would be getting one as soon as possible. Other financial issues came up and I had to put off the camera system for a few weeks. This is where the 2nd update starts. Fast forward from February to March 15th(?). It is around 9:45pm and I am out back smoking a cigarette. I see movement out of the corner of my eye and look over towards it and see this.... hand... throwing pieces of garbage into my yard over the fence. It's Crazy Neighbor Lady. She didn't know I was outside (just good timing on my part I guess). I played dumb and asked, "What are you doing Crazy Neighbor Lady" and she quick stops throwing the trash and quickly turns around to go inside of her house. As she gets closer to her door she turns around and says, "I'm sorry, what did you say?" With which I responded loudly, "What are you doing Crazy Neighbor Lady?" She says she was just outside checking out her yard... Now mind you, it's 9:45pm and it had just started to snow. We were projected to get 12+ inches of snow so I think her plan was to throw trash into my yard and then have it be covered up by the snow. I went over to where I saw her hand coming over the fence and found a random piece of plastic and a soda lid (think of the ones that you get from fast food places with your drink. The kind you poke a straw through). They were laying neatly on top of the leaves and mulch bed that they were thrown on. This had me LIVID. I caught her in the act and bought a security camera system that night on Amazon. It came within two days and I set it up over that weekend. I set all of the cameras up inside of windows looking out towards my property. It took only THREE DAYS of having the cameras to find her throwing more little pieces of trash onto our property. It's just little pieces of trash that end up in her yard. We live in a city along one of the busiest streets. It's unfortunate that people litter out of their cars but it happens. If I see any trash in my yard, I'll pick it up and throw it out. If Crazy Neighbor Lady sees any trash in her yard, she'll throw it into her neighbors yards so it's not her problem. Over the period of a month I catch her 3 different times on camera throwing trash from her property on to mine. She physically picks it up, comes on to my property and sets it down well on to my side of the front yard when nobody is home. To some, it may sound like I'm going to the extremes to try and screw this lady over, but given her past history that I've heard from other neighbors, I'm stomping out the fire (her) before it (she) can even get started. Last night, I catch her on camera for the 4th time coming on to my property to throw more trash into my yard. This time she has her dogs with her and are letting her dogs roam around without a leash in my yard. I had finally had enough and called the police to come out to look at my videos and see if there was anything I can do about her. Police officer comes out looks at the videos and I read him the journal of all of the interactions of had with her and he's kind of blown away with all of the work I've put into protecting myself. My neighbor is a huge PITA for my city's police department (she'll make calls to them for things like the kids being too loud in the playground across the street from us.. unnecessary stuff) and they have no problem slapping her with charges if legitimate charges can be made. I could have pressed charges against her for trespassing, littering and not having her dog on a leash, but I opted to just have the police officer go over to her house and give her a warning. I don't really have the time to take off from work to go to court. I told him to let her know that if she's ever caught on my property or throwing trash on to my property, then I will press charges. He was licking his chops to go over there and ream her ass out. The city police HATE her and like many others have probably mentioned, they take all of her calls with a grain of salt. Now I'm just waiting to see what the next chapter has in store for me. I'm sure she was told that she has been caught on camera so I'll have to wait and see if she tries looking for my cameras. BTW these cameras are fun to watch. It's like I'm living next to a 61 year old child. TLDR: Bought cameras, caught neighbor coming on to my property to throw trash on my property on 4 different occasions, finally got sick of her shit, called police, they verbally thrashed her [Pennsylvania] This is incredibly stupid, but my neighbor keeps calling the police because of leaves from my tree July 28, 2017 (3 months after prev. update) Per mods request, please keep comments on topic I truly would like to know what legal rights I have against this. Hello r/legaladvice. I feel like I'm starting to become a regular on this sub ever since I bought my house. Long story short, my neighbor will call the police if ANY leaves from my tree or ANY grass blades from me cutting my grass go into her yard (yes, she stands out there and watches me cut the grass). Last week we talked to one another with a police officers presence so we can try and work something out. Basically, the moment she sees a leaf in her yard, she gets pissed. I told her I'm not home all the time to constantly monitor every single fucking leaf that falls from my tree. Oh, the tree is on the OPPOSITE side of the yard from her. My yard is not littered with leaves and the police even said that my yard looks fine but she persists on calling the police out every time anything comes into her yard. I have done my research on the situation, as dumb as I think it is, but once a leaf falls from a tree, I'm not liable for what happens to it. That's what internet articles say at least. Could anybody produce any sort of Pennsylvania state legal documentation that says that leaves falling from a tree is not a crime? Lol. I can't believe I am even here asking this but I'm getting really sick of the police coming out for everything I do outside. I just want to present it to the police/neighbor so it stops. edit: Since this blew up a little bit, and others have asked what I have done to her for her to do what she is doing, I will give a little more information about the past few months. Within a month of moving into the house this past December, I was out back after dark (it was no later than 8pm) breaking down some boxes that we had left over from moving. I took a quick break from breaking them down and I see this hand throwing trash into my yard over the fence that separates our yards. I couldn't believe it. Up until this point, we had one interaction with one another and that was when we were both outside shoveling snow. I introduced myself and she introduced herself and immediately warned me that she likes to call the police on anything that she sees wrong in the neighborhood. Basically bragging about it. From that greeting to the trash being thrown into my yard, no interactions with one another. I bought a security camera system shortly after that to see how often she does it. We had bits and pieces of trash in our backyard shortly after moving in and it was always on the side of the yard that was up against her fence. We just thought that it was whatever trash that the wind picked up and would stop at the fence and we would pick it up whenever we would see it. Within 3 days of having the cameras, she's doing it again, and is on camera doing it. I waited for it to happen on 3 more occasions. After the 2nd time I had it on video, anytime I saw her outside when I was outside, I tried to say hello and talk to her about it, but as soon as I said hello, she would go inside. After the 3rd time of throwing trash into my yard and being unsuccessful at talking to her about it, I called the police. There was no reason for her to be throwing trash into my yard. The police gave her a warning. The trash in our backyard that we thought was getting blown there stopped as well. Crazy. After that, I had been nothing but nice to her and would say hello whenever I saw her. I really don't want to have problems, but I had to do something about the trash being thrown into our yard. Anytime I would say hello, I would get ignored... She even went as far as to say she was going to charge me with harassment if I didn't stop... What? Last week the police came out again for leaves in her yard. He suggested that we talk to one another while he was there to listen. She explained herself. She thinks that we are not maintaining our property well enough and is upset that we aren't outside to pick up every leaf that falls from our tree and doesn't want any grass clippings blowing into her yard. The police officer looked over at my yard and looked back at her and said there is nothing wrong with my yard and that it looks better than a lot of properties in our city. She said that she bought her house that doesn't have a tree because she didn't want to clean up leaves. Newsflash, every house on our block has a tree except for hers. She "just wishes" that we would take care of our yard better. Again, the police officer enforced to her that according to city law, our yard was fine. We agreed with each other that if we have any problems with one another that we would talk to each other first before getting the police involved. 8 days later she called the police again for grass and leaves being in her yard. As far as I could tell, there wasn't any grass left behind. And when I mean in her yard, I'm not saying it is in the middle of her yard. It is mere inches from where our yards meet in her yard. She has been nothing but a headache since we moved in and it's only getting worse. I have done nothing to her other than make sure that she stopped throwing trash in my yard. Why she started to do that? I don't know. Crazy neighbor is possibly killing my grass. July 17, 2018 (1 year after prev. update) I just posted this in r/lawncare and I’m not exactly sure which sub is the best to submit it to. Long story short, I have an absolutely crazy neighbor. I’ve talked about her in r/legaladvice because of her antics and how I should handle them. I’ve even had to get police involved in the petty stuff she does to have her knock it off. On to the killing of my grass. About a month ago, I notice that all of my grass along the fence between my neighbor and myself was completely dried up and dead. The dead grass starts about 6 inches from the fence and goes the entire length of the fence (probably 75 feet). Crazy neighbor lady’s grass is completely fine along the fence. The only thing I can think of is that she’s spraying something under the fence onto my side to kill my grass. Now I’ve got nothing but ugly weeds growing up along the fenc . Today, I noticed a brown circle (probably 2 foot in diameter) of dead grass in my backyard. It’s no more than 10 feet away from my neighbors fence. My girlfriend said she took our two small dogs out to go to the bathroom and they were rolling around and eating the dead grass from the same area. The only thing I can think of is that my crazy neighbor threw a cup of something over the fence to kill the grass, but I’m not sure why the dogs would be so interested in it. If it was something to kill the grass I’m definitely not cool with my dogs rolling around and sniffing and eating whatever is there. So question 1 is: What are some solutions I can do along the fence to stop the grass from dying? The only thing I can think of is some sort of decorative brick that runs the entire length of the fence and grow the grass back. Question 2 is: Does anybody have any sort of idea what could have caused the 2 foot circle of dead grass but also why my dogs were so attracted to it? We live on the outskirts of a city, so there isn’t much wildlife that could just waltz into the yard, urinate and take off. Plus, it seemed to have happened over night and is rather large. And yes, before anybody mentions it, I do have cameras. I just don’t have any watching the back yard. I’ll have to reposition them now. Final Update - rareddit Nov 3, 2019 (Nearly 3 years since 1st post) Editors Note: edited out previously rehash of prior posts I'm going to cover some things in this post that may have been talked about in my other posts (I'm not going through and re-reading all of them). We were warned that my neighbor has a problem with everything imaginable from the get go. We didn't realize how bad it really was until we were living next to her/them (60-something year old lady and a 40-something year old son. Majority of the problems was with her though). Over the past 3 years we learned a lot about them from various people. Mainly that my neighbor likes to stir up problems to get people pissed off at them. Then when people get pissed off enough, they retaliate against my neighbor and once that happens, my neighbor will take them to court. Believe me, I know it sounds fucking crazy, but that's how it is. Example: When I had the police out for her trespassing and littering in my yard, I could have had her cited for those two things, but the police talked me out of it and told me that she would take it to court and fight it, even if she was going to lose. Also, the people that live on the other side of her (her other neighbors), have been going back and forth in court for the past 15 years with her. I never got any specifics on what, but from the one and only time I talked to those people, that's what they told me. My thought process is that she wants to get money out of people from taking them to court. I've lived next to those people for 3 years and I have no idea what their motivation is in life or why they do what they do. So my neighbor likes to call the police and fire department a lot. Like.. a lot. I have a friend who took an IT job at the call center that receives calls for people calling for the police and fire department for the entire county. The people taking the calls told my IT friend that my neighbor is the most frequent caller in the entire county. The obvious thing to do is to let it iron itself out and the police and fire companies will realize that she's full of shit right? Wrong. I asked my IT friend how she can get away with calling that much. He said that when she makes a call it's not really specific enough to blow off, but specific enough to where there might be an actual problem. A gray area. Example: If somebody is having a fire in their backyard (legally, following all the laws of our city) she will call the fire department concerned about a fire because there's a lot of smoke in the neighborhood. This also goes for anybody that cooks out on their grill in the summer time (especially if you have a charcoal grill). She sees smoke, she calls fire department. The thing with her calls though is that 99% of the time they are bullshit, but if there was an actual problem and she called about it and nobody responded she would take the city to the cleaners over it. It gets old whenever the police and/or fire department show up to your door when you are doing normal every day activities. They were the most bizarre people to live next to. I've tried to figure them out but I simply couldn't. The best way I can describe it is this: You're playing a game with her whether or not you want to. And that game is home ownership. She makes the rules of the game. And when you break one of the rules of the game that she made up, she will have a referee look into it (police/fire). If the referees don't find anything wrong, she will get upset and start doing things like throw trash into your yard or kill your grass. The obvious answer to all of this is to stand my ground and I did. But once you fight back, things are only going to snowball with the neighbor. Which is why we decided to move. The people behind her actually just moved as well because of her. This was our first home and people always say that owning a home isn't easy. It's not, but living next to that neighbor made things so much worse. At one point early on while living there, I asked myself if we are bad neighbors. Nope, we just didn't do things the way she wanted us to. So we put our house up for sale and find somebody to buy it at full price and they would pay closing costs as well. We closed a few days ago and walked out with the check. We drove by the house we just sold and saw that the new people pulled right up behind my neighbors car (that's another thing you DID NOT DO. You do not park behind her car or she will call the police for you being double parked or something... it's a public street btw). We see that they are parked right behind her car. Me and my girlfriend looked at each other and laughed. We then get a call from our realtor asking if we still had the keys from the old house. Shit! Forgot to hand them over at settlement. I wasn't about to go back to the old house and drop them off so I had my realtor do it. She dropped the keys off and then called me again (she's aware of how crazy my old neighbor is). She says, "You're never going to believe this.. The people that bought your house already had a run in with the neighbor. They said she came out bitching about where they parked and that only she can park in front of her house and that if they don't move she'll have to call the police". The people that bought my house then said to my realtor "What's up with this Lady?". To which my realtor said, "I'm not real sure, my seller always said they were quiet people that kept to themselves". This is only the beginning of a long road for the people that bought my house. It wasn't even 30 minutes after they pulled up in front of the house and they already had a problem with the neighbor. I wish I could have told the people buying my house to not buy it because of the neighbor. I don't want anybody to go through what we did, but if I did tell people, then I would still be living the nightmare. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/LowlyKnights Originally posted to r/AITAH Previous BoRUs: #1, #2 [New Updates]: AITAH for not wanting my dad to walk me on my senior night since he won’t let me move back in? Editor's note: removed older relevant comments for space in this latest BoRU NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: mentions of car accident, abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation, health issues, intense bullying, negligence, harassment RECAP Original Post: October 28, 2025 OK so first off, I do feel bad about complaining about all of this. I'm just a middle class American teenager, like I have a car and both my parents are well off and own homes, I'm not living in Gaza or anything terrible like that. I get it. But I'm 18f and a senior in high school, I have straight A's and a full-ride to a university next year. It's not my dream school, but I know I'll end up going there because the economy is terrible and while my parents are ok money-wise, free is free. My parents are divorced and remarried, my dad has been with my stepmom for a while and my mom and stepdad have been together about 5 years. A few months ago I was diagnosed with a tick-borne disease and can't have red meat products. It's terrible and I get so sick if I have anything. I miss steak. But a few weeks ago - the night before a dance - my dad was making dinner. I was at his house on one of the days I normally wouldn't be because my mom was out of town and I don't like staying alone. He made my little brother's favorite meal that I didn't know had beef stock in it. (Just to clarify, since I’d never read the meal I asked if it was ok to eat and he said yes. Later when I got sick he checked the recipe again and felt terrible and admitted there was beef stock and he forgot. That’s obviously not his fault but later when I was sick we started fighting about the dance) I got SUPER sick and had to miss my senior fall dance. Which I KNOW isn't the end of the world, but it really felt like it WAS and I got into a huge fight with my dad. He called me spoiled and high maintenance, and I know I said things like I hate him and he doesn't care about me and left to stay at my moms. We'd fought before, and I'd cooled off and went back to his house on my normal day, thinking we'd just apologize to one another like normal, but when I got there he told me that he'd packed up my room (into TRASHBAGS) and that he wasn't going to take abuse from his adult child. I thought he was joking but he wasn't. I was crying a bunch, and my stepmom was yelling at my dad. She gave me one of her credit cards and told me to call her if I ever needed anything and I've been staying at my mom's ever since. Which isn't great. She and her husband kind of do their own thing and I just feel like I bother them. I recently broke up with my boyfriend, too, and he's been kind of bothering me and I asked my dad to tell him to stop but he told me I needed to deal with my own issues on my own. So I asked my stepdad which was embarrassing because I don't know him very well and I don't' know if he even fixed the situation and seemed annoyed until my mom finally talked to my ex. He finally left me alone, but now his friends keep messing with me online and in person at school. My senior night for my team is this weekend. I wanted my dad there, and told him I'd buy him lunch this past weekend to talk. I told him I knew that what I said was wrong, and I wasn't trying to make excuses but I was feeling so bad and was so upset about the dance, and him calling me high maintenance and spoiled also hurt. He said he knew that emotions were high, but I was an adult now and actions had consequences. I get that! But if I was the first teenager to fight with her parents I would understand. I'm a good kid! I have a scholarship and a job and I know kids who have gotten like DUIs and their parents still love them and let them live with them. He said he loved me, but I needed to learn consequences and that he'd still go to my senior night but I told him don't bother! I had wanted all four of them to walk me but now I just want to walk myself. I don't feel supported by any of them and just paid and went to leave. He told me that if I didn't let him walk me at my senior night I could kiss ever moving back in with him ever again. I told him that was fine, I was just so done trying to convince him that I was worthy of living in his house, if my parents weren't divorced it wouldn't even be a question if I'm allowed to live with my own dad. I'm fine with my decision, I have so many other things going on. My ex's friends are giving me problems, I'm playing like garbage anyways and will probably be benched soon so it doesn't matter. But my grandparents and even my stepmom have called and asked me to answer my dad's calls and talk to him, and have said that I've upset him. I'm not trying to upset them, but I just am not in a good place to deal with all of this with him right now and don't want anyone there. There's a part of me that doesn't even want to walk that night! AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received the majority of NTAs   Update #1: December 2, 2025 (a bit over one month later) I know it's been a while since I posted about my senior night. But basically I (f18) got into a fight with my dad because he forgot there was something I was allergic to in the dinner he made and I had to miss my dance, and he kicked me out to live with my mom. He got super mad when I told him he wasn’t going to walk with me at my senior night. Anyways. I didn't even end up going and kind of forgot about it. Not to be super woke or anything (JK i love being woke lol) but trigger warning. My coach isn't like a super nice guy or anything, but my ex's friends (the ones who had been harassing after my mom had finally gotten my ex to leave me alone) me accidentally did so in front of him. They were punished and I was really hoping that would be the end of it. But it wasn't and a few days later when I wasn't at school they did something bad. I don’t want to elaborate, and they were arrested and the ones whose parents could afford to have them out on bail, but I know two of them didn’t get bailed out. My ex wasn't there but he was charged with something else. He's over 18 but still got bail and they ended up dropping the charges on him. It might be my fault. I know it’s stupid but before it happened, I had deleted all of his messages because it was really stressful having them on my phone. My mom keeps pushing for them to get a warrant for the deleted messages, but I don’t think it’s going to go anywhere, and honestly idk if it would even matter. I have a restraining order for all of them tho, which is good. There's a lady I’ll call Gail, idk if she's a social worker or actually a cop, but she's been really nice and helpful. She told me that if they don't take plea deals, there will be multiple trials, and I'd have to testify at all of them. I asked her when the trials would be, because the school I am going to is far away, but she said not to worry about that. I just don't want to be at my new life and have to miss classes or something. I also really don't want to testify and hope they take deals, even if it means they won't be punished as much. Like I know they have rights and there's allegedly still a constitution in america but the idea of testifying at multiple trials makes me want to die. I've seen videos of people making fun of women who testify too and I can't handle that, so I really hope they take deals. I guess if they could just combine all of the trials and I only had to testify at one I would be ok with doing that, but Gail said that’s not likely to happen and not to get my hopes up. She wasn’t mean about that or anything I think she was just being realistic. My mom and stepdad have been really good about everything. My stepdad and I don't know each other that well but he broke down and apologized and said he blames himself and should have done more. I don't think he should blame himself, I even told him that but he’s been like doing nice things for me a lot and making a lot of food that I like without me doing anything in return so I feel bad. My mom has been really nice and supportive, but I think she's taking all of this harder than I am almost, and that is annoying. Like she just randomly cries and it’s annoying to me because nothing happened to her. I haven't said anything to her about that though. Like I don’t need her acting like I’m still a kid and cutting up my food for me, I can do that. I haven't talked to my dad. I don't want to. The day before the party I had begged my dad AGAIN to say something to one of the guys' dads because they work together, but he left me on read. So I guess I kinda blame him. I know that's wrong but I don't want to see or hear from him, so I blocked him. I didn’t even want him to know what happened, I know the police went to my moms house to tell her and was kind of hoping that since I was over 18 they wouldn’t tell him, but since he was still my emergency contact they did. I fixed that for the future. He's talked to my mom but she said I don't need to talk to him or even think about him right now. He’s sent a bunch of letters to my mom’s house - for a week or whatever it was every day but now it's less often - but I didn’t read any and my mom said she’d just set them aside for now. I told her she could throw them away but I don’t think she did. I mean I am sure he feels bad, but I don't want to hear him apologize or try to comfort me. I wanted his help before all of this and to have tried to stop it from happening but he didn't do anything. So that’s why I blame him and not not my mom or stepdad. They at least tried to do something before all of this even it what they did didnt work. I don't think I will forgive him. I know he's hurting, but I can't worry about his feelings. I know this sounds bad, but I’m not his only kid and he has my brothers too so I don’t feel guilty, like I'm not stopping him from being a dad forever to anyone you know? Plus I'm an adult now and I can choose who can or cannot comfort me. I have a therapist now. She's fine, I wish I could have a different one because her voice kind of annoys me, I don’t think they let you change therapists because of that though. I actually hate therapy tbh, and wish my mom would stop making it a big deal that I go. I don't want to tell her that it is kind of nice being the one in charge of my relationship with my dad and not vice versa. That's probably bad, but it's true. Plus - I kind of have a IDGAF attitude lately, and I probably would just say to his face that I blame him and that this is his fault which I know isn't fair. So not talking to him is the right thing to do. I also had to block my stepmom. She texted my aunt that it’s nice just being them and their kids and not having my drama in their house and it got back to me, so I’m just giving them what they want. Like I wonder if either of them actually ever really loved or cared about me. Maybe kicking me out when I turned 18 was the plan all along and that’s why he did it over something so stupid? And, again, they have my brothers so they're not missing out on anything with me you know? Everyone at school knows, but they’ve all been nice like not even just my team and friends but everyone there has been nice, though. Like, really nice. I don't think they're being fake or anything, but if they are I told my therapist that was fine because I'd rather them be nice and fake than mean and authentic right now. I was kind of nervous because I’m not popular or anything at school, I’m not a loser or anything but kind of do my own thing. The only other person in my class who’s going to my college is this one popular guy, and he promised me he wouldn’t tell anyone at our college about this. I know people will probably still find out, but that was nice. He’s been talking to me more, even outside of school like we were on break part of last week and he still reached out, it kind of feels like he’s trying to hype me up for college which is nice because at first I am kind of thinking about taking a year or something off, but I know I should. I think his parents both went to the school and he’s like obsessed with it so he keeps sending me things going on there. His older sister also goes there and he said he’s going to go a week early and stay with her and invited me. I know it’s a while away and told him I’d think about it. I don’t really want to, but it’s one of those things where I feel like even if it don’t enjoy it it would be good for me long-term to go and meet people before freshman week starts. So idk what I’ll do about my dad. I was thinking about calling him at Christmas but maybe I won’t. My brothers have told my grandma they want to see me at Christmas, but it might be because I always get them good gifts lol. Maybe I can go over to their house for a little, mom and her husband don’t do much like decorate or celebrate Christmas, and my dad’s side is really festive so I kind of miss that. I will probably do the more Christmassy things in town with my best friends family, I know my mom and stepdad would do them if I asked but maybe I’ll just go with her family. So idk. My mom asked me if there was anything my dad could do for me to want to listen to or talk to him, and I told her I’d think about it. Luckily she’s only asked once. So I’m not saying never, I’m just not interested right now. But I'm excited about the future and going to college, and think I'll just focus on that.   Editor's note: below is the last post we were left off Trigger Warnings: mentions of car accident Final Update: December 27, 2025 (3.5 weeks later) Final update: AITA for not letting my dad walk me on my senior night since he won’t let me move back in? Hi everyone. I hope you all had good holiday whatever you celebrate. I love Christmastime, I’m not very religious or anything I just feel like it’s a great time of year. A lot of people have asked me for an update but I don’t really have anything huge, but things are mostly fine. Most days I feel totally fine. Oh this was my last post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/DUBz79MZHt But I’ve decided that this whole chapter or whatever is over now. I read all my dad’s letters. My mom and stepdad were gone for a weekend for her birthday and I don’t really sleep much. They were whatever, I can tell that he’s hurting but I don’t have time for all of that. I would have killed for him to say any of that stuff before all of this but I didn’t feel anything reading them now. Like asking me to move back in doesn’t mean anything now, it would have before but now I don’t even want to. My stepmom had sent a few, too, but they were mostly just about wanting me to reach out to my dad and how badly he was hurting. And one of them basically said that this all happened because I didn't tell my dad the severity of everything (wrong) and they can't help me in the future if I don't talk to them. And in all my dad's letters he's constantly talking about how he wants me to move back in etc but in my stepmom's she just says I should come over and visit. So I threw them all away. My best friend’s grandparents got into a really bad car accident :( her family went out to Ohio to spend Christmas with them instead of them coming to her, which is good but they were who I was going to do Christmas stuff with. They said I could come with them but that felt very intrusive so I said it was totally fine. They did ask me to “house sit” but they don’t have any pets or plants or anything so I think they were just saying it’s fine if I stay there some nights like I normally do. My mom and stepdad work a lot and aren’t that into the holidays, but they put up a tree which they never do so that was nice. I found some decorations that were probably my grandmas in the basement and put them up too, so our house at least looked festive. My mom and stepdad are at least pretending to like them, but I’ll take them down soon before they get too annoyed. That guy from my school who is going to college with me I’ll call Dan, his family doesn’t do Christmas stuff either but that’s because they’re Jewish. But there’s this lights thing in my city and it’s kinda stupid but I always used to do it with my dad and brothers and stepmom and was going to do it with my friend but she had to leave town. But Dan got us tickets and that was really nice. We had a good time, but I didn’t really think about my dad and his family being there but they were. I was able to avoid them and didn’t let it ruin my night though! Christmas wasn’t that great. I guess in the past I’ve just been more into it and getting people gifts and seeing people. I think a lot of people weren’t feeling it, I feel like not as many people put lights up on their houses and normally I can’t go two feet without being handed cookies and stuff but this year I didn’t do any of that. So it felt like it was December first then bam Christmas Eve. Normally I’m with my mom Christmas Eve then my dad’s Christmas Day and go to my grandmas on that side. So I called her and asked if I could still come for a little bit in the morning since they usually go to my stepmoms side for a bit then, and she said of course. She even went and got my brothers and told my dad and stepmom they could come after I left. It was really really nice of her. I was having a lot of fun and it felt like there was nothing wrong, but then my one brother asked me when I was leaving so his parents could come. So I left. He’s a kid and I’m sure he just wanted to open more presents so it’s not his fault, but it hurt a lot because I was so excited to see them and I think I’m just going to distance myself from them for a while. Not because I’m mad but just for now for myself. My dad and stepmom had sent gifts with them for me but I didn’t open them and left them there. I didn’t get them anything so it felt wrong, but also I wanted to hurt them. My mom and stepdad go to his family on Christmas Day and I didn’t want to just home alone so I just kind of drove around for a while, but Dan was free. Normally when we hang out we just get stoned and he makes vegan versions of non vegan meals but the grocery stores were all closed so we saw that ping pong movie. I quit therapy. Sorry. It was so expensive and I was getting nothing out of it, and I had gone to this support group gail told me about, and it’s really been helping. Like exponentially more than therapy. Idk if I’m supposed to pay someone for it but idk who to ask. But even if I have to pay I’ll keep going. The people are nice and I can just listen if I don’t want to talk. Gail said she’d help me find one in my new city but maybe I’ll just do a fresh start when I go to school. I’m glad I found the support group. But one of the people there said something along the lines of how expensive lawyers cost, and I guess before that I didn’t realize that these guys parents not only paid their bail, which I guess they’ll get back? But apparently THOUSANDS of dollars for lawyers to try to get them off. And anyways this is stupid but I got mad that they’re paying all that money for their kids and it just goes to lawyers and I’m sitting here paying for therapy because of what their sons did. And two of these guys still have girlfriends, one of them goes to my best friends high school. Last year I went to her prom with her as friends and the girl reached out and asked me not to go this year. I just blocked her and Gail told me they’re not allowed to tell me where I can and can’t go. But if that guy is going to go I obviously won’t and I’m not trying to make more drama by poking that bear. But in all of that drama my mom was saying that after trauma you’re not supposed to date for a year. Which it’s like to each their own? Also I think she’s thinking of drug addicts which I’m not. So those were really the only few times I’ve been sad lately. And not that much, like I don’t cry or anything. I kind of want to change my last name. Not to my stepdads though. I could ask my mom what her maiden name was, but maybe I could pick a new one. Gail said she might be able to talk to a judge for me, so that was nice. I know I’ll change my last name when I get married but that won’t be for a long time and I’m hoping I can change it before college. Either way, I’m going to be ok :). Editor's note: OOP also posted the final update onto her profile, I am adding the comments for more context Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Go to prom with a group of people, so you’re not stuck with just one person to hide behind. You deserve to have your senior prom experience, and you can always dip early for an after party if things get weird. There’s always the option, if you have friends at other schools, to go to another school’s prom. OOP: That’s kind of the problem. I was excited to go to my friends prom again since (I thought) fewer people there would know. It doesn’t matter because I won’t go to that one either now, but I’ll probably go to mine. I just hate that that girl thinks she can tell me what to do. Commenter 2: Is the other girl’s boyfriend somebody there is a restraining order against? If you go, then he can’t go. That’s probably why she asked you not to go, but you are totally allowed to do what’s best for you (not only allowed, but you should put yourself first, it sounds like you haven’t been doing that). I bet if your best friend let the school know that there was a restraining order and why they wouldn’t want him there anyway. OOP: Yeah, Gail said they can’t tell me where I can and can’t go and my best friends mom said she would talk to the school for me (it’s not my school) but at this point maybe I’ll just go to mine. I don’t want everyone there to know about my drama Commenter 3: I'm glad you and Dan are hanging out. Sounds like you're craving normalcy, but like a new normalcy where you're away from this town and all these people you have a complicated history with. Which honestly is totally legit, and you should try to remember that whenever someone tries to 'but, faaaaamily' you. The whole 'no dating after trauma" is part of a larger gestalt of 'no big lifestyle changes after grief or trauma' which is mostly a rule of thumb that tries to steer people away from escapism and to make sure they process everything, so it doesn't come back to bite them later. But because of your life stage you really ought to go to college, you can't get a divorce, you can't quit your job, you can't go on a year long road trip like it's some kind of midlife crisis lol. So basically the advice boils down to 'don't just disappear into a relationship to avoid being alone with yourself.' And you sound like you're doing pretty good at sitting with things and working through them at your own pace. You're doing good, kid. Take care of yourself. OOP: That’s a good point. Yeah I’m going to be making a big change in going to college but at this point that’s kinda it. And I don’t want to really date anybody in particular especially since I’ll be leaving. But it’s kind of like I can’t really casually date someone because I would have to tell the everything and then it’s not casual. Maybe in college because I won’t have to tell people there because nobody will know I could casually date someone just beyond a FWB or something. We’ll see. Commenter 4: Thank you for the update. I changed my last name to my mom’s maiden name after I turned 18. It’s not difficult but it’s a process. You need to confirm what your state requires. The state I was living in at the time required after I filed the paperwork with the courts that I make an announcement in the newspaper once a week for 4 weeks. I can’t remember how much that cost for the announcement. It’s so creditor/debt collectors can see the name change and file motions if there is a debt to collect or anyone else has an issue. Then I had a court date and had to go before the judge and say why I wanted my name changed. It took longer waiting for my case to be called than the name change itself. Then I went to the DMV and social security office to change my name. Then I got copies of the name change to change anything else I needed to change (credit cards, bank, passport, etc). OOP: Yeah, I downloaded everything and made a little checklist and timeline and I know it’ll be a process. I don’t think I want my mom’s maiden name tbh. I hold I have to pick hers? She has my stepdads last name now so it’s not even hers. Commenter 4: That’s true and an excellent point. I would find a name that has meaning for you and then choose that name. If/when you get married, then you can decide whether you want to change your last name again or keep your maiden name or keep both. I kept both because I earned several degrees and had a career established in my maiden name by the time I married my husband. It’s now my middle name. I didn’t want to lose that part of my identity. I didn’t take his last name until we had kids. OOP: True. Like most little girls I think I was super into Anne Boleyn but that would be a silly name to take. But something like that. OOP responds to a comment regarding cutting her father off and making life changes for herself OOP: Thanks. I haven’t told him I’m cutting him off. I am just refusing to talk to him or be around him. Maybe that will be permanent but maybe not. Either way I’m changing my last name.   ----NEW UPDATES---- Editor's note: the next two updates are over two months old, and they have not been posted onto the sub here What are some ways I can show my stepdad 47 that I 18f appreciate him? We aren’t close but I can see that he’s trying.: February 26, 2026 (two months later) Basically in general I’m 18f and a senior, I’m going to college next year and really excited because this year has been kinda horrible. I ended up cutting my dad 48m and stepmom 48f off but it’s a good thing, but now I just live with my mom 42f and stepdad 47m I’ll call Jeff. They got married like 5 years ago and he's nice, but we're not close or anything. He's not a bad person at all, he's just kind of awkward and introverted and I'm not, so I feel like he maybe always found me kind of annoying. But lately he's been trying to connect with me more and even though I'm normally pretty extroverted I've just had a whole year of hell and I'm not really sure how to, I don't know, be around him now? He's just been doing more things, like he works by my school and I can leave for lunch so he's been taking me and my friend or boyfriend to lunch once or twice a week and when it was cold he would make sure my car was in the garage and little things like that. But I will thank him and it's kind of awkward and he'll say things like you don't have to thank me for that but I would feel rude if I didn't? And my mom travels for work a lot and Jeff used to go with her, but lately has been staying back with me which I think he is trying to be nice but I kind of liked having the house to myself lol. Plus I know my mom liked that he would travel with him so I feel kind of bad. And another bigger thing is that I kind of mentioned that I wanted to be the kind of person who drove a Subaru (you know, hiking, being one with nature lol), and now he's been really gung ho about finding me a subaru before I leave for school which is really really nice but also not his problem? Don't get me wrong I'm not stupid I know how to be grateful, but it's just kind of awkward because I feel like for the past five years we've just been friendly roommates and now it's like he wants to do more. He doesn't have any kids or anything so maybe it's all just new to him but like I want to idk, not make him regret helping me but like I said I don't want to go too far and be annoying. So I'm not sure if I should start like trying to watch TV or sports with him more or if maybe he wants his own downtime? We watched the Olympics together a lot and maybe we could do stuff like that more if he’s going to stay home more? And just to be clear, none of this is creepy in the slightest, that's not a concern or anything. I know he loves my mom very much and I think he's just trying to be nice since I leave in a few months to start my own life. Small update: when I got home I told him about how that one band he listens to a lot is coming to our city, and he said that sounded cool and started looking up tickets. He might want to take my mom or a friend though because he didn’t ask me if I wanted to go or anything but that’s ok because I think it meant a lot that I told him! My dad wants me to go to therapy with him and my stepmom: April 4, 2026 (1.5 months later) Sorry I just need to get this off my chest to people who know my whole situation. I helped my grandma set up the Easter egg hunt this morning and she told me that my dad and stepmom are having problems. They have a couples therapist and they asked her to ask me to attend a session with them. She said she wouldn’t blame me if I didn’t want to, and I probably won’t. But there’s this really sick part of me that wants to and to just throw in their face that apparently I wasn’t their problem. How happy I am now, how being away from them and their bullshit has made me such a better person despite everything. My mom basically never fight anymore, my stepdad and I are getting really close and have a ton of fun together, and at this point I’ll be graduating top 5 in my class. Like, compared to me those two have had it so easy, NOTHING has happened to them, and I’m over here thriving and they want to pull me back into their mess? No thanks. The only other reason I might do it outside of morbid curiosity is my grandma basically said she would appreciate it because she thinks it would help them. But she did make it clear it was MY decision and she wouldn’t blame me one way or another. I haven’t told my mom or stepdad, I probably won’t tell my mom (she’ll just think the fact that they have to go to couples therapy is hilarious) but my stepdad might have good insight. Idk. I will probably just ignore it but it was a funny little easter surprise for me.   Latest Update here: BoRU #4   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

how do we hire people who won’t be alarmed by our cardboard coworker? Originally posted to Ask A Manager Original Post March 18, 2026 Recently my manager asked me to help revise a job posting and the hiring process because the last two people we hired left only a few weeks after starting. One said she didn’t think our workplace had a professional environment, and the other said she realized her values didn’t align with the company. Since I’m the most recent successful hire, my manager wants me to help her understand what was different about how I was selected. You’re probably assuming my workplace must be toxic or terrible, but honestly it’s the most fun place I’ve ever worked, and that might actually be the problem. Nothing about it fits the usual idea of a bad workplace, but it is definitely … peculiar. People often eat lunch together. Not everyone every day, but a few times a week most of us end up eating with coworkers. (Not everyone participates. The person who splits tasks with me says she already sees us enough at the office and never joins us, and no one minds.) Lunch is where most of the unusual things happen. One employee created a betting sheet for which celebrity will be the next to die or get involved in a scandal. You can add one name per month, and if you guess correctly you win a day off. It sounds worse written down than it actually feels, but the people who participate genuinely enjoy it. Lunch conversations can also drift into very unprofessional territory. The week one employee resigned, the lunch debate was whether extraterrestrials are capable of orgasms. That discussion lasted more than one lunch break because people kept proposing different possible alien anatomies. But the least professional thing we do might be the cardboard figure sitting at a desk named Robert. Robert has been part of the company culture long before I joined. The story behind him is about a former employee who would arrive, greet everyone, and then disappear until it was time to go home. No one ever knew where Robert was, and whenever someone needed him they couldn’t find him, but the work always appeared completed. One day the company needed a team photo, and someone grabbed a cardboard box, drew a face on it, added a badge, and included “Robert” in the picture. After the real Robert retired, the box eventually evolved into a full cardboard cutout that now sits at its own desk. At the end of each month we usually have less work, and there’s a game where someone hides Robert somewhere in the company and everyone searches for him. At the end, everyone gets candy. Not everyone actively participates, one person keeps a map coordinating where Robert hasn’t been searched for yet, some people give suggestions, and others don’t care about the game, but no one objects to it except HR did ban hiding Robert in the interview room and the public-facing areas. Both employees who resigned witnessed a “Find Robert” search. They didn’t mention it specifically, but I imagine it might have contributed to their impression that the environment wasn’t professional. My manager wants help finding people who would think these things are funny rather than strange, and she asked how I felt when I started. I happened to begin (luckily or unluckily) when people were decorating Robert with a heart-pattern tie and a box of bonbons while discussing what kind of box Robert would like as a girlfriend. I thought it was weird in a funny way, and it didn’t bother me enough to reconsider the job. Outside of lunch and the occasional Robert hunt, people are actually very professional during working hours, aside from occasionally greeting the cardboard coworker or decorating him for holidays. We’re a very productive and inclusive team, but I understand how it might seem strange to someone seeing it for the first time. I honestly don’t know how to help my manager find competent people who would be comfortable with this environment. The person who interviewed me said the team was laid-back, but that definitely didn’t prepare me for what the office is actually like. Someone suggested hiding Robert for a while, but wouldn’t it be better for new hires to know what they’re getting into? How could we find people who would feel comfortable discussing whether the aliens from Arrival understand sex and also think it’s perfectly normal to greet a cardboard coworker? I realize your answer might be that our company isn’t the wonderful place I think it is and that we should behave more professionally. But considering that our CEO once hid Robert in his own office during one of the searches, I don’t think the culture will change. (Still, feel free to say so if that’s your view, sometimes an outside perspective is very different.) I’m mainly looking for ideas on how to select people who would actually find this kind of thing fun rather than uncomfortable. Update Apr 6, 2026 (19 days later) Thank you for responding to my letter. After reading the response and comments, I realized that the alien orgasm example drew more attention than I expected, even though I had meant it as one particularly bad example rather than the main issue itself. I wanted to add a little more context and clarify a few points. The alien orgasm example was an outlier, and one of the worst examples I could remember, which is why I used it. The “alien anatomy” discussion was also less about sex itself than about whether extraterrestrials would experience pleasure or physical sensation the same way humans do, especially if they did not even have bodies like ours. I understand that it was still inappropriate, but some commenters seemed to come away with the impression that sex is a regular topic in the office, and that is not really the case. A more typical version of these conversations would be discussions about books, movies, and TV shows. We have had conversations like which horror movie character was so stupid that you actively rooted for their death. We have also had conversations like which politician you would “make disappear” if you could get away with it, but when someone pointed out that it was inappropriate, the conversation moved on without any fuss. In general, the conversations tend to get strange in a morbid way rather than in a sexualized one. That is still a problem, of course, just not quite the same one some people focused on. The office betting pool is less about hostility toward specific celebrities and more about the kind of morbid joking people make about public figures who seem as though they have been old forever. The attitude is usually more “I cannot believe this person is still alive” than “I want this person to die.” Similarly, the “scandals” people talk about are usually things like cheating, wearing something provocative, or being rude to a fan, rather than actual criminal behavior. I do not participate in the betting pool because I would feel too guilty winning a paid day off by correctly guessing someone’s death, but people do sometimes mention their picks during lunch. I mentioned lunch because that is usually when the conversations can get strange. Most of our work requires concentration, so there is not much chatting during the day, and many people wear headphones most of the time. Team lunches also really are optional. We are a small team inside a large company, so the whole team does not eat together every day, but there are usually six to eight people having lunch together, even if it is not always the same group. I described cardboard Robert as the strangest part because all the other things are occasional, and lunch itself is optional. Some people never have lunch with the team, and that is completely fine. But Robert is there every day, sitting at a desk and being greeted. It took me about two months to find out there was a death pool, and some time before I heard one of the more inappropriate lunch conversations, but I was introduced to Robert on my first day. My manager even told the team to act normal during my first week so they would not scare me off. The monthly “hunt” for Robert is optional and avoidable, but comments about him happen every day, and new employees are introduced to him as though he is simply part of the team. In your response, it seemed as though my letter came across as asking, “How can we change our culture so people don’t feel this is a sexualized environment?” I can understand why, given the example I used, but the help I was really hoping for was a little different. What I was trying to ask was something more like, “How can I help my manager hire someone who is likely to fit in here, while also giving candidates a fair sense of what the office is like, so neither side feels misled?” Someone suggested inviting candidates to join a typical team lunch, and that was much closer to the kind of suggestion I had been hoping for. I also appreciated your point that inappropriate conversations are inappropriate no matter when they happen. I do know that, and I think at least part of the team knows it too, given the ongoing joke that there is probably a reason our room is physically as far from HR as possible. But I am not a manager, and honestly I do not want to be one. My manager decided that because I was the most recent hire, I was the right person to help her think through this, even though I do not really have the authority or the tools to change how the team operates. I will pass these points along to her, but I do not think much would change without rebuilding the team almost from scratch. To be clear, I do understand why these things are a problem. I am not trying to defend them or suggest that people are wrong for not wanting to work here. I just wanted to provide more context so I could get advice that was more specific to the situation I was actually asking about. Some of the comments were genuinely helpful, and I was hoping that with a better explanation I might get more of that. But if the answer is still simply that the culture needs to change, I do understand that, and I appreciate your response anyway. Sincerely, The Person with the Cardboard Coworker THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwawaythehatersok Originally posted to r/AITAH Previous BoRUs: #1, #2 [New 2-Year Update]: Fiancé thinks I am an ass for not converting NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder & u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: mentions hate crime, religion abuse, verbal abuse, threatening behavior, harassment, stalking, physical violence RECAP Original Post: August 21, 2024 Throwaway as my main he follows. I've never posted on this sub before so please delete if not allowed. I (F35) and my Fiancé "Todd" (M41) met over a decade ago and we have a mutual friend group. We started dating last year, and got engaged last month. Generally speaking, he treats me like a queen. He spoils me a lot and I appreciate it always. He's usually respectful and kind, communicative and patient with me. This started to change and I want to say it started to change once the ring was accepted. I need to be clear, I don't much care to get married. I am perfectly fine with not. My parents aren't married but they have been in love and together for over 40 years. My siblings are all but one unmarried but in seemingly happy relationships each at least for 5 years. But Todd is Christian and is of the mind that two people eventually need to get married to be happy. We talked about it at length both before we were a couple and after we started dating. I was clear that I don't want or need a ring but if it's important to a partner I come to love then whatever. I will do a small wedding. He was overjoyed when he proposed and I said yes in front of pretty much everyone in our little world but later said that I didn't seem excited enough and it felt like I didn't want to marry him. I said I love him and if he wants a marriage then sure, but to say I want to marry? I mean I know he wants to, and if that's what he wants, and since it doesn't matter to me either way, the math was easy. Let's get married. I said it sort of jokingly to lighten the mood, but he didn't like that at all and nearly every other day he would find a way to ask me if I really wanted to marry him or he would simply that he feels like I don't. I suggested couples therapy as it seems to really be on his mind and troubling him, and he said he's done therapy before and doesn't need to do it again. Then last week, on our usual date night, he said he had something really big to ask me. "Call it a favor if that makes it better" and asked me to come to his church and get baptized. I stared at him. I am atheist and have been since I was mid-twenties. He has known that for years, and we've always been respectful of each other’s beliefs. I told him I couldn't do that. Baptism is supposed to be sacred and with a true heart for that faith, and I simply would be a liar if I said I wanted to live for his god because I frankly don't. He argued that it's just "a splash of water and some words," and since he wants it before our wedding and I "don't care about religion either way," this should be easy. I refused again explaining that I do care about religion. My majors were World Religions and Anthropology. I care a LOT. And it would be dishonest to his god and our community for me to dedicate my life to his religion outwardly but not inwardly. I said it felt disrespectful to his faith and the people who truly live it. He got angry with me "oh so you're okay, disrespecting me, though," and when I asked what he meant, he said to drop it and changed the subject. I pressed more, but he raised his voice. "I said drop it." Loud enough for others to turn and look at us. He'd been robotic around me since. Days up in his study all night, sleeps on his study couch, goes to every service and event/gathering his church has (which is most weekday nights and Saturday morning as well as Sunday) and has been inviting me to every single one. He hadn't done that since we started dating he did it then I said I respect his beliefs and will go to something like a wedding or christening or baptism but not a simple service or event. When he asked me just a few minutes ago tonight, I reminded him of the above and he just dropped into our couch and sobbed and when I went over to comfort and talk to him, he pushed me away and left muttering something about running late for service. ---- His sister "Esther" texted me to ask what happened and I gave a brief summary, and she texted back that I am being a jerk and one service isn't going to make me "burst into flames" and it's important to Todd. So am I being a bone head? Am I crazy to think that this pressure is a deal breaker? I do love him, but this version of him is not only a stranger to me but a weight on me. But aren't people supposed to work through that hard shit to get on in a relationship? Edit to update. He texted me a few minute ago saying when he gets home he wants to have a serious talk. I explained that my best friend is over so it will have to wait, and he replied "No. Tell her to leave. Give her my love but this is serious." I talked with my bestie "Bessie" F35 and read some of the comments here and told him no indeed. He can go home to his parents, and he is welcome to come in and pack a bag and leave because Bess is here for me right now, and I need her here for me right now. He hasn't responded. ---- Edit to respond to things that have come up a lot either in messages or comments: He has never raised a hand to me. He would never and if it's not for the reason I used to think - that he's not a dick - it would at least be because I am a military brat. Both parents. So not only am I trained to defend myself well, but my parents AHEM would not take kindly. A lot of people brought up kids. I can't get pregnant. I did want kids and then this happened. So now I am okay with the idea of not having any. He said he was okay with that too and we talked about just being dog rescue people. My family likes him. My father, a pastor, loves the guy. But no I haven't told him about this yet. He is non-denominational and goes to a "mega church" in our state. Literally thousands of people. No, it is not a requirement for marriage at his church for me to convert. AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Relevant Comments OOP lists all the "stuff" she has done for him to a downvoted commenter Here Just to be clear, what doesn't count as stuff for him? Is it that instead of paying a fraction of his college costs for this upcoming semester, I covered it all for him? Is it that I gave him my old car when his broke down and transferred it to his name without him paying a dime? Oh hold on, I know, it's because I cook for him every weekday when I am home, do our grocery shopping so he doesn't have that on his plate, let him move in rent-free because he couldn't afford to renew his lease and even got a he-shed out back for him out of my own dime, so he has a place to decompress and paint. No not that... I should have funded his WHOLE mission trip last year instead of half...is that it? Ohhhhh I know what you're talking about, it's that I do the majority of the housework so he can focus on his degree. Nah you probably just mean that I took the time last year to find his undergrad college years buddies and flew his mother in for his 40th birthday, had it catered, decorated, and hired a bartender. Or is it more basic like the fact that when he went vegan, I switch up my whole lifestyle and only eat vegan when out and about and purged all non-vegan items not for the dog from the home. Thank you because actually I am now seeing I do so damn much for this man and he should treat me like a queen because I treated him like a king. This was eye opening. Commenter 1: NTA Time to break up. But, dang, I love how so many Christians take their religion less seriously than we do. An insincere baptism is indeed disrespectful yet so many Christians want nonbelievers to do it! OOP: This is what confuses me most. If it's such an important part of his life, how is he okay with me lying and insincerity "devoting" my life to Christ? I am not against people who have faith. But those that I know who do - truly do beyond platitudes and the mainstream, are kind and loving and would be offended so much if someone faked it and lied about it and gone through sacred rites and the like. It doesn't make sense why he keeps switching sides on it. Commenter 2: No it's a ploy. "Oh just get baptized, it's not serious, just some water and some words!" "Oh please come to the service, the pastor really wants to meet you!" "I told the Youth Leader that you'd help, I'm sure you don't mind? It's for the kids, it's not really religious, just a prayer at the beginning and end!" "But sweetheart we HAVE to raise our kids in the church, what will everyone think?" They've got a script- no seriously- on how to trickle-truth convert someone. He's getting IMMENSE pressure from the church to bring you into the fold, to save you, to prevent you from being 'unequally yoked', to hunt and win a soul for Jesus. OOP: That is...terrifying. I was clear when I left the church eons ago that I am not and will not follow that faith. He never hinted once that I can think of to do what you're saying but it really makes me think this might be exactly what he's doing. I can't get pregnant so kids are out of the equation, but I couldn't bear it if he tried to push me more into his church life. I'm involved a bit to make him happy. I do help at certain events and such. I have skills they sometimes need, and not at all opposed to a food or clothing or back to school drive and the like. I figured it less about it being a church event and more a community event where we helped people.   Update #1: August 28, 2024 (one week later) Last week I posted about a problem between myself (F35) and my Fiancé "Todd" (M41) because despite having been respectful of each other’s beliefs until now, he is Christian and I am an atheist, he now wants me to get baptized. It came to a head, and he stormed out so I called my BFF to keep me company since I was pretty sad and emotional. I do a lot for him and Bess, the bestie, and a lot of you here helped me see that the relationship as is either needs to have serious changes to it or it needs to end. Logical. But logic is hard to cling to when you're heartbroken. I think I already knew he wouldn't change anything for me. I did text him that night that he needs to go back to his parents’ house - the house we live in is mine - and that I needed space. Guess he and his sister gave his parents an alternate version of events because they came by that night anyway. All of them. His mom, dad, sister Esther, and him. He had a key, so he just walked in as Bess, and I are drinking on the couch watching Netflix. I asked what he was doing here, and his family came into the room behind him. I asked what's going on. The way he looked at me is unexplainable, but his mom pushed by him and just yanked me into a very aggressive hug. She said that they were here to talk as a family and have a family meeting. And then told Bess she needed to leave. Bess refused. His mom turns to me to ask me to have Bess leave. I refuse. Its late, and I'm in not state to talk anything else. Please leave. It devolves into passive aggressive disapproval that I won't take guidance from the man I plan to marry. His parents (his father is a pastor) sat down to give me what felt like a whole pre-planned spell about how I am an adult and need to act like one and kicking a man out of his home for "doing the right thing" is a tantrum. His dad once even said that he is so disappointed in me and will be telling my father (also a pastor) about this. Gotta be honest I was dumbfounded for 85 percent of this and then finally (I guess it was the booze) started to laugh and told them to get out. His dad refused and called me volatile and suggested I get counseling. I told him this is my house, and I will call the police and to get the FUCK out. It was the first time I cussed in front of them. Pearls were clutched, I was called trashy and Bess held her phone like "okay, I am calling the cops, she asked you to leave." I heard his dad say "You're not marrying that" as they left and they muttered other hurtful things making a whole thing of them being sad and disappointed by me. They left. Todd packed a bag and left with them. He continued to text me invites to services. "It will help you." Stating that he is concerned about me and the path I am choosing. That his parents aren't sure he should marry me, but he loves me and wants what's best for me. I told him I need space and to leave me alone, but he kept texting. I said that the wedding is off and Sunday when I got home from running errands he was on the porch crying. He had a hand written letter that he wanted to read to me, but I said absolutely not and told him to go away. He kept asking me to think about what I am doing and how my choices effect more than just myself and more. I pointed to my doorbell cam and said I have footage of me repeatedly asking him to leave and Bess was recording the night his parents and sister and he ganged up on me. Go. Away. He threw his hand up like he was going to strike me and I just screamed. I didn't even mean to, it was so sudden and it scared me. He went to start apologizing but a neighbor came out to see what was happening and he just left. I texted him to never come back ever - he is no longer welcome. I will mail his stuff to his parents, but he is no longer welcome on my property ever again. He tried to apologize but I no longer care to hear any of his words. He did leave his written letter and I have read it. So has Bess. She keeps telling me it's just manipulation, but it just breaks me. The locks get changed tomorrow. Bess is helping me pack his shit. His father is picking up his stuff tonight. And I am just sitting here replaying the past week and a half in my head over and over. I know it’s pathetic, but I am shattered. I haven't been able to really sleep yet, and I feel like I don't even reside in my own body anymore. Just going through the motions. Bess is staying with me. I've been getting texts and social media comments about how disgusting I am - like my notifications just went insane over the weekend. This is just a nightmare and I'm not even sure how to wade through this. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: It is so hard to believe that he kept hidden that he wanted to convert you before marriage. That is the only explanation for this behavior so far into our relationship and close to marriage. It seems like he was keeping counsel with his parents while telling you what you wanted to hear. OOP: It's hard for me to fathom this. I thought we loved each other. I would do most anything for him, and I thought he felt the same way. But the way his family came down on me, it was surreal. If Bess weren't there, I really can't say what they might have convinced me off. It was a lot. They were all basically echoing the same sentiments and making it out that I was deranged and stupid and more. I didn't let them see my tears, but it was a devastating tirade of attacks, and I was so tired and so in my feelings that it was all too much. Bess thinks it was a coordinated effort to overwhelm me into complying, and if I was alone, they would have pushed me over the edge into believing them. Commenter 2: OP, don't meet with the father when he comes to get stuff. Pile that shit in the yard and let daddy haul it away. As for people blowing up your phone, block every last one of them. OOP: Bess is here with me, and she will meet him at the door. All Todd's shit is boxed up out front. So if all goes to plan, I won't even have to see the guy. If not, the people who live in proximity are keeping an eye out. Commenter 3: Why don't you post the footage on social media? From the parents bombarding you to him coming back and trying to strike you. Show them the truth. You have the footage. OOP: Bess shares your enthusiasm for this option. I am too tired/stressed/hurt to even deal with that. I want to speak with my parents first, make a plan, really be able to make the steps forward that I need. I am so empty but angry, but sad, but a thousand other things. I'm just not in a state I trust my own judgement right now. Posting it is something that can't be taken back. So if I do, I want to be sure and above reproach. &nbsp: Trigger Warnings: physical violence Update #2: September 22, 2024 (over three weeks later) I don't know how to do trigger warnings, only that they are important when writing posts. So I wanted to add this up here. Physical violence happened. I want to start with I am mostly okay now. I am safely at Bess's being fussed over by her hen-ness and finally have been able to sleep and eat somewhat normally. Todd's father was on my doorstep again not long after my last post. Bess told him through the door that everything he needed was right there and to grab it and leave. He got mad demanding I come out to speak with him calling me a cowardly and sick woman and other insults. Bess just said he can save it for the camera because I am not there (I was) and he just loaded his car, said he would pray for me, and left. We thought that to be it, but then a couple knocked on the door. I don’t know them personally, but I do recognize them as from Todd's church, so I kindly explain that we've broken up and to reach out to their pastor to find him. They then told they are here for me and asked to be invited in. I said no. The guy asked me to please not be inhospitable (exact word - TF) and I said that this will be the last time I politely ask them to leave. So they left. I ordered no trespassing signs online but the next day a different couple from the church pulled the same stunt except this time the guy was aggressive. He used my birth name (I changed it legally 4 years ago) and argued with me through the door cam and his wife kept trying beg me to keep the peace and come out to talk. I refused. A week after that, Todd was back but my dad was over. He had heard about this situation and oddly enough was trying to convince me to come stay back home for a bit. When Todd was outside, Dad stepped out. Dad's retired military and very tall and ordered Todd to leave. That's when Dad asked again for me to come home so I compromised that I would go to Bess's. While I was away Dad would check on the house and take in packages and put the no trespassing signs up. He also added cameras and came over to Bess's to make sure I had the app sync'd. After a few days I don't know how to explain it, but I just felt cooped up, so Bess and I went with a mutual male friend Sam M35 for drinks. Todd was there. He walked in about an hour after me and Bess. Sam spotted him first and got up blocking our booth from him. He saw us and went to the other side of the bar and just sat a while. Sam and Bess asked me if I wanted to leave and I did so we went next door. Todd showed up soon after. We moved to the pub next door and same. It happened 4 separate times and Bess recorded it each time. Sam drove us around a bit, and we needed up at a different bar miles away and Sam asked me if I had checked my stuff. We went through my purse and found nothing, but I remember that my location was on an app I shared with friends and family. I removed Todd from it and texted a few others to say I was turning my location off and did. I checked my cameras and sure enough Todd was parked on the street right in front of my house. He stayed there for over an hour. Sam convinced me to call the police. I could see they talked with him, but it didn't pick up audio that far out. Todd left without incident. I made a full report with recordings the next day. I was told that he did nothing illegal, and he's allowed to exist in public spaces and that night he was on the street, not my property, so he's off the hook there too. He never approached me. He never spoke to me. He did nothing wrong. So they can make the report, but no charges are available to me. The cop who told me all this was very condescending, and he seemed to just want to be done with me, so I left. About a week later, I had recordings of him coming to the same parking spot in front of my house 4 times and just sitting there. Then, that Friday, he showed up at the bar Sam works at. Sam had him tossed out but he refused and so Sam had him legally trespassed, but when the cops came around Todd argued that Sam is a bigot and he is targeting him for his faith and he is friends with "My wife" who is atheist. He got a warning but left on his own. I've been with Bess the whole time but now I think I have to tell my dad as he's still showing up at my house. Bess is helping me find a lawyer to help since the police haven't been taking me seriously. This is just so fucking insane. It doesn't even make sense. Sam put no trespassing and no soliciting signs on my property, and I am digging into my savings to get a fence up. I can't believe this is my life right now. Edit: so sorry - I put up the trigger warning but edited out the violence I think subconsciously because I didn't want to upset anyone. When Todd came around one time a neighbor of mine who knows what's been happening went up and told him I don't want him there and asked him to leave and Todd shoved her down to the ground and raised a fist like he would strike her but then drove off. I have the footage and sent it to her in case she wants to press charges. Relevant Comments OOP might be in danger if she stays in the area OOP: It's why I tried to go to the police, but they aren't doing anything. The best I can do right now is not be in the predictable spaces I used to go to and try to prepare to move. Does the police have the footage from OOP? OOP: The police have everything. I have an ongoing email thread with the Sgt complete with links and folders and all the footage and photos I have. They haven't done anything and say that if my neighbor presses charges they have the footage on file. Commenter: What country/state are you located. That could have a lot to do with stalking laws that vary from place to place. If you’re in a place that has good stalking laws, take your evidence to the women’s advocate for domestic violence. OOP: I am in a southern state of the USA. I am learning from talking with people that it’s not uncommon that police aren't all that helpful in cases like this.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Trigger Warnings: mentions hate crime Update #3: May 13, 2026 (nearly 20 months later) Posting on my own account for anyone who cares... Been a minute. I almost didn't update because most updates I see are either the best or worst and I didn't want to disappoint but therapy, time, and a chosen family helped me to realize, FUCK THAT. I should be proud of my journey and I am. I'm doing this on the move so sorry if it's jumbled. It has been a little over a year now since my last update and I honestly never thought I would come back here again. For a while I couldn't even look at this account without feeling physically sick...that’s what dealing with abuse looks like. I never would have imagined he abused me before I started this account but turns out? He did. Emotional abuse is a sneaky bastard and it got me so yeah I didn’t want to come back to the account that made me feel stupid at times. It felt tied to one of the worst periods of my life and for a long time I wanted to just lock all of it away somewhere and never think about it again. But life kept happening. Good and bad. Mostly quieter now. Which I think maybe is what healing actually looks like. Not dramatic happiness. Just...quiet. I moved. Not immediately after everything happened, but eventually. I realized I was spending more time staring at camera notifications and checking parking lots than actually living. Every car slowing near my house made my stomach drop like is it him? A friend? A member of the church? It was...hard. Every knock at the door felt like my body was preparing for impact when usually it was a food delivery. I was exhausted all the time from being scared without realizing my exhaustion. So I rented the house out. Ironically, my renters are probably the most self-sufficient people alive. They're older... veterans, and within the first month, texted me things like, “Fixed the sink. Here are pictures. Don’t worry about reimbursement.” They once repaired part of the fence before I even knew there was a fence issue. They know the history. They know why the cameras are there. They were completely unfazed by it all, which honestly helped me calm down too. My dad still checks on the property sometimes because I think retirement has him inventing side quests for himself. Speaking of him 😳, apparently, my father has secretly been a successful romance novelist for YEARS. I wish I was kidding. This man spent my childhood acting like technology was an elaborate government trap and now I find out he has apparently written multiple religious romance and historical romance novels under pen names. My siblings and I found out because one of his books got recommended in a church women’s Facebook group and the pen name in question was easy to figure out when you're in said family 🤣 annnnnnywayyyy He’s retiring soon and honestly seems peaceful in a way I haven’t seen before. Less “stern pastor dad” and more “man who wants tomatoes in his garden and to email you blurry bird photos.” lol. I happen to enjoy gardening, so I've been helping every couple weeks and it's produced a lot of produce I don't buy anymore...I just grow....🤷‍♀️ Guess he's the family community garden now lol As for Bess: she is okay, thankfully. But she ended up moving out of the country after she was targeted in a hate crime. I am not sharing details because it’s her story, not mine, but it shook both of us badly. I supported her leaving completely. I miss her all the time, but we still talk constantly and play games online together almost every week. Distance somehow has not changed her ability to aggressively mother hen me through a headset. 🤣. “Did you drink water?” “Did you eat?” “You sound tired.” “Why are you awake at 2am?” Sometimes I think if she could physically emerge from Discord like a ghost and hand me soup she would. "Andrea"... the neighbor Todd shoved? did initially want to press charges. I gave her all the footage I had. But she moved not long after and we eventually lost touch outside of occasional holiday messages. I honestly do not know what came of it legally after that. I still feel guilty when I think about her getting dragged into my mess just because she tried to help me. And Todd. I know people will ask. I have not spoken to him directly in a very long time. But there was one thing. Before I moved, I still had access to an old social media/business account I used to help manage for his side business. I can’t really explain more without making myself wildly identifiable, but I forgot I even still had access until one day I got tagged in notifications. And there it was. An announcement post. Very polished. Very church-approved. Very “God’s plan” 🙄 Todd had apparently married a woman from another church family only a few months after my last update. Which was already enough to make me stare at the screen for a full minute like “what in the Hallmark channel is this?” But THEN. The announcement mentioned they had been “quietly courting for nearly two years.” Two years. I actually laughed out loud when I read it because at that point if I didn’t laugh I think I would have evaporated into atoms. Sir. You were in MY house crying about baptism. What do you MEAN two years!? He’s also apparently an assistant pastor now which somehow feels both shocking and exactly where this was always heading. It bothered me at first in a way I can’t fully explain. Not jealousy. More like that surreal feeling when someone who traumatized you gets absorbed back into community life seamlessly while you’re still trying to remember how to sleep normally. But honestly? That feeling slowly died. I don’t spend my days angry anymore. Mostly I just feel distant from that entire chapter of my life. Like it happened to another version of me. I’m seeing someone now, very casually and very slowly. We’ve only been together a couple months and we’re intentionally taking our time. No rushing. No merging lives overnight. No dramatic forever promises. Just honesty. Quiet. Consistency. Turns out I value consistency a LOT now. Who knew right? Also I adopted a rescue dog who is approximately 80 percent pet-wh*re and anxiety. And somewhere along the way I started volunteering more heavily with rescue organizations, specifically helping people in abusive situations keep or safely place their pets temporarily. That became very important to me because one thing I learned during all of this is how many people stay in dangerous situations because they’re terrified of what will happen to their animals. A shocking number of shelters still can’t accommodate pets. So now I spend a lot of time helping with transport, fostering coordination, emergency supplies, things like that. It feels good to do something tangible. To make somebody’s world slightly less frightening for a moment. I still have rough days. Remembering still makes my chest tight. Sometimes seeing a car similar to Todd’s too many times in one day still flips some primitive switch in my brain. But I sleep normally now. I laugh easily again and more recently I actually just got tipsy and had fun singing with friends at karaoke. I go places without mapping exits first for fun. And for a long time I genuinely didn’t think I would get back to this version of myself. Anyway. That’s the update. Also if my father’s secret romance author identity gets exposed and he becomes famous on Christian Book Tok I am legally changing MY name this time because nooooooo thank you siiiiir 😅. &nbsp: DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/lookingtohide Originally posted to r/AITAH AITAH for not delivering the food I made to an event I got uninvited to? Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: entitlement, exploitation Original Post: November 30, 2024 Two weeks ago I got invited to a baby shower from a friend who I haven’t seen in years. She moved to another state but had apparently moved back and now is having her baby shower here. I was so excited since I haven’t seen her in so long. She started a gc (editor’s note: group chat) with all the mutuals she invited. She did disclose that this was gonna be a quick and small one since she had just found out she was pregnant when she was 35 weeks with an induction scheduled on her 37th week. We all started volunteering to be responsible for different things for the baby shower. I said I’ll cook Filipino food and help pay for some of the decor. I sent money to the friend who was in charge of decorating. I asked mom-to-be how many people are invited besides the ladies in the gc. She told me 15. There’s 10 of us in gc including me so I thought I’ll cook for 50 people to be on the safe side just in case she invited a few more. I started shopping for ingredients for the lumpia, pancit, chicken adobo and rice and a grazing table. I started prepping and coordinating with the decor lady. We figured where we wanted the food and grazing table and told the MTB. She approved. (editor’s note: MTB = Mother to Be) Now the day before her baby shower, I spent the WHOLE day cooking. I took off the day(I only work part time since I’m the primary caretaker for my baby while my man works). Mind you, I had to arrange for my MIL to watch my baby while I did all the cooking and for me to go to the baby shower. I didn’t want to bring my baby since I would be busy with the catering. It was by luck she was off those days. Then the night before the baby shower, she dm’ed me on ig that she had to ‘make some hard decisions’ and had to uninvite me but still ‘want’ me to drop off the food. I told her I understand and respect her decision, but I will NOT be dropping off the food. She asked me why and I told her it wouldn’t make any sense for me to drive 75 minutes to drop off food to an event I’m no longer invited to. That the ONLY reason I volunteered to do what I said was because I was invited. She asked me how she was gonna find someone to cater on such a short notice. That it was f’ed up and hateful. A few friends sided with her while most sided with me. I want to know from a stranger’s perspective if I’m the a-hole? EDIT: 1 - I don’t know the full story about her pregnancy. She told me that she went to an OB checkup because her period was unusually heavy and long. They found out she was 35 weeks pregnant and was having complications which is why they scheduled an induction. 2 - I’ve already sent the ss of the dms to the 10 mutuals. THREE out of the 10 sided with her which prompted me to post this because maybe I’m missing something. I was being told that I should’ve been ‘an actual friend’. That I should’ve been the bigger person. That she was going thru a rough time with her pregnancy. 3 - MTB never disclosed to me why she had to make a hard decision and why I was uninvited which. The whole point of us 10 volunteering was to take off the burden off her shoulders. Our mutual friend who was the decor lady was the first one to reach out to me about me not being there since she and I coordinated where the food was going to be at. She’s also the one that told me that MTB was telling her and other people that I got my feelings hurt which is why I didn’t want to come. She didn’t tell them what hurt my feelings. Or how or when. I was too worn out from prepping and cooking to fire back. I took the peaceful route. I didn’t ask for the money I spent on the decor - my gift I guess. 4 - I donated all the food to the women’s and children’s shelter. I figured they’re more deserving. I cook Filipino food all the time plus I got a freezer stash of lumpia.   SS to my AITAH post. I blocked her after I ss and I’m sure she did the same. Now reflecting, this is some Reddit shit so I guess it’s fitting.: November 30, 2024 (Same Day) The texts Transcript of the texts Ex-Friend: hey girly, I know it’s late but I decided to change the guest list and pls don’t think I don’t love you but after some real hard decisions I had to take you off the list but pls don’t take it the wrong way I just wanted immediate fam and close friends Ex-Friend: I appreciate you for all the support you put in specially with the food so it would be great if you can drop it off Ex-Friend: like I said pls don’t take it the wrong way, ily still 🥹💕. OOP: I definitely understand and unfortunately there's no need for me to cater your event for free since the only reason I did it is because I was invited. I also put in a lot of effort because I considered you a close friend. Personally it wouldn't feel right for me to cater an event I got uninvited to so I hope you can see where I'm coming from. Have a good night and I hope tomorrow is a great day for you and yours! Lots of love 🫶🏼. Ex-Friend: so you’re not gonna bring the food because I took you off the guest list? are you being fr? because I said it was a hard decision and it didn't mean I didn't love you or none Ex-Friend: I think its f***ed up you’re gonna cancel on such a short notice like idk who else can cater on such a short notice if you don't come thru with the food like you said you already made it so why not just bring it??? this feels hateful OOP: No I will not be bringing the food. You're a 75min drive and as I said I did it for free along with everything else because I was invited. I understand it's such a short notice but I also made time for your event and you uninvited me on a short notice. I spent the whole week prepping and spent my whole day today cooking. Ex-Friend: girl I thought you were my friend so for you to do this is f***ed up like dk why you can't just drop it off Ex-Friend: like who else is gonna be able to cater for tomorrow? it's late already and you know everyone is looking forward to the food end of the transcripts Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Not only should you post these to the group chat, you should also make it clear exactly how much money you spent on the food and how many hours you wasted between buying, preparing and cooking and just for fun bring up how much $ you already contributed towards her event outside of the food that you’re not asking for back. The absolute shamelessness of this person is just mind blowing. OOP: Thinking about the fact I started prepping 4 days before I started cooking and then spending the whole day cooking just to read some shit like that AFTER I put ALL the food in the containers(which I also paid for) … made my eye twitch. But you know what? I don’t like to throw numbers out there because I have dignity and decorum but FORGET it - $200 on the decor(I paid for ALL the balloons from party city) and then dropped $679 for the food. 20 lbs of ground chicken 5 lbs of chicken (adobo cuts from seafood city) 10 lbs of potatoes 12 bags of lumpia wrapper 3 heads of cabbage 5 lbs of carrots 2 lbs of onions 5 lbs of mushrooms 10 lbs of jasmine rice EDIT: can I just add that it took me the whole day to roll 300 lumpias(logic for it was 50 people x 5 lumpias = 250 with an extra 50). YES THREE MFIN HUNDRED LUMPIAS!!!! Posting this has itched me in a way that’s making me dramatic vent so I’m sorry. When someone said OOP is a doormat and aggro OOP: Who is aggro? Where is the aggro? Because not me. If you read my ss, you would’ve seen I said I considered her a close friend. I said I haven’t SEEN her in years - not that we didn’t talk in years. We didn’t talk everyday but kept in contact, which is how she reached out to me about the baby shower. I’ve known this woman since we were 16. We are both 26. I’ve done just as much for my other close friends. I don’t put a price tag on a friendship I value. If I can then I will and if it’s not reciprocated then what can I do? I’m not gonna punish my other friendships because of one bad one. And I’ve been taken advantage of before which is why I put great value to those I consider my close friends. So pls don’t start with me. I VOLUNTEERED to cook, let’s get that straight. And for 50 people? Yes I cooked for 50 since there was 25 confirmed coming - now if you assume people will eat at least one plate + take some home that’s 2 plate per person. 25 x 2=50. Now if she had invited more people than what was confirmed - I would still have food for them. People might not be able to take a plate home but they would’ve been able to eat. My Filipino blood demands I ensure everyone gets to eat at an event I’m cooking for. It’s cultural for me. A doormat? Rude. Ain’t nobody a doormat here. If you read AND comprehended what I posted, you’d know I asked strangers to see if I may have been or where I may have been a-hole since THREE mutuals sided with her. I figured I might be missing something. Pray you that friends you have don’t ever do this to you.   Update: April 27, 2026 (16 months later) Hi guys. I posted on here a year and some change ago. I had a “friend” who had invited me to her baby shower and disinvited me the night before. I finally reconnected with one of the 3 that sided with her. I also knew a lot of you guys and including myself wondered what happened and why did it happen. Well a lot of you guessed right. The 3 that sided with her knew I love showing up for my friends. They knew I would go all out without hesitation. I put no monetary value on my efforts because if I can do it then I will. Plus I’ve been fortunate to be blessed financially, so I try to share the wealth with my people. Anyways, according to her, MTB agreed that I would go all out. And I did. Me and MTB were good friends prior to her moving so I no reason why I wouldn’t. We didn’t have any issues so I’m like heck yeah I wanna do something amazing for her. The 4 of them agreed that they’ll all play along as if I was gonna be invited and ask me updates on the food and whatnot. But then drop me after the baby shower. She said what her and the other 2 didn’t anticipate was that MTB would uninvite me the night BEFORE. I guess MTB had something against me and just couldn’t stand the idea of me being there. She thought I was a pushover and flaunted my “wealth”. That I do extravagant things for no reason??? Like posting vacations?? That she felt some type of way because I was ok with spending “all the money and not thinking about how it would make MTB feel”. Like she was a charity case and she can’t afford to do anything? She felt like I was outdoing her and the event was for her. (This is from my understanding so please take it with an open mind). But as I said in my previous post - the whole point of all the girls being there was to take the load off her shoulders since she was having a hard time with her pregnancy. I was blessed with an amazing baby shower so I wanted her to have one too. Not out of pity. But because I did have love for her before all the BS. There was never a time I thought I was better than her or anyone. I just wanted her and the guests to have a good time. I’m a firm believer that what you invest in gets reciprocated one way or the other. I value all my friendships and do invest in them when I can. So yes, for those who guessed I was never truly invited — you were right!!! It did leave a dull ache in my chest. While I did reconcile with 1 of the 3 - altho I told her that my trust for her has been broken and I’m not sure if our friendship would be the same. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Woah, what a huge AH that woman is. And ALL three of the friends she roped into her scheme. To be that unhappy and bitter inside to take advantage of you just because you take vacations and live your life is crazy work. I wouldn’t reconcile with the one member of the coven because it takes a special kind of AH that would plot that AS AN ADULT WOMAN against someone because “they go all out for their friends” - gross. Please want better for yourself than to entertain people like her. It’s actually horrifying that at least one of these women has procreated. OOP: Yeah imagine my shock when I got texts from the 3 of them saying I’m an AH/b*tch for not showing up. I’ve shown up for those three too. For any of their celebrations they’ve invited me to. And I figured maybe I was an AH even just a little. I tried to rationalize that maybe it was the pregnancy and I should just drop off the food and keep it pushing but something in me wouldn’t allow it. I sat in my car for at least an hour before deciding to drop it off to the shelter I normally donate to. As for the one I reconciled, I’ve told her that a our friendship will never be the same and that I’m sorry because moving forward, I’d like to be the last person she reaches out to. Commenter 2: Wow, those ppl are horrible. They're just users I think. I'm really sorry you went through that, but I feel like you shouldn't even bother reconciling with the one who told you all this. She went along with their plan and didn't stop it. You don't need ppl like that in your life. They're just miserable and bitter OOP: I asked her if she knew that then why did she go along with it knowing I’ve never do her like that? Much less done her wrong in any capacity? And you know what? She didn’t have an answer. She just cried and said she’s sorry and that she missed being my friend. To give her another chance. Especially since she also had a falling out with MTB after the baby shower. And how she no longer associates herself with MTB and the other 2. I’m not one to hold a grudge or resentment because I know people will do what the want but it did hurt knowing I’ve showed up for these people EVERY time. Made arrangements, adjustments to show any support that I can. I’m not perfect but I know for a fact I’m not a bad friend.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]