Fashion Over 50

...lightly armoured vehicles. Located only 50 kilometres from the capital, approaching...in a spectacular fashion, burning fuel sent flying all over the place... though in a less spectacular fashion. Only a few having been...rest of the hoard charges over its still twitching corpse, ...Berserkers looming in the darkness over the mangled bodies of their...A marauder, broken, lays bent over a fallen collum in the...

...Reiatsu Strength (100 would be 50). Race Restrictions: Available to All...a much bigger, much better fashion. Naturally such information will be ... with a cost of 50 reiatsu. When this property is ... ‘Gravity Rush’): Granting Leonie control over gravity, Schwere Eilen allows her ... the person struck loses 50 Reiatsu, and the Seele Schneider's ...IP increases by 50. This includes when the Seele ...

...1. Menswear and Bespoke Tailoring Fashion brands, custom suit tailors, ... natural fit for rural luxury fashion, hunting apparel, or traditional... initiatives that prioritize regional pride over national scaling. Resto.be ... specialize in luxury goods, fashion, or men's lifestyle brands ...standard renewal cost floor ($33.50+ via Netim), and only... annual renewal costs ($33.50+) and slow weekly registration ...

... upside is still there at 50%, shouldnt one be buying up... stock? I use the Old Fashion Idea of always deducting 40... the 40% in numerous posts over the past 40+ years. Works...

...—have soared by more than 50% since the war began, with... to collapse in a nonlinear fashion. This is what some observers... hospitals, schools, and essential pharmaceuticals? Over a longer time period: The... hundreds of millions into hunger over the next two to three...

... Robin Ch. 1: Batman Takes Over (1949) Tarzan Goes to India... (1957) A sportswriter and a fashion designer have a lot of ... 9:30 AM Batman Takes Over (1949) Episode One of the ...: Animation Rating: TV-G CC: 11:50 AM Baton Bunny (1959) Bugs ... beautiful assistant take on the fashion world. Dir: William Dieterle Cast: ...

... line was adopted. He averaged over 30 points per game in... per game. Jordan shot almost 50% from two point range. Some... in and year out for 50 or 60 years like some... lot of trends. Same with fashion. You know there's really nothing...

... brings about a culture—distributed over many people, not just one... more of e.g. seasonal fashion collections, fragrances, etc. As you... is that this era is over. The car world is entering... they entered the watch sector 50 years ago. 7. The end... size: 2.8 KB Views: 50 1778520174022.jpg File size: 115....

... man who'd rake a father over a bed of hot coals... a faint pang of guilt over how you handled it. It's... marketing slogan. "Colonel Heretofore took over after Colonel Brighthass retired and... the public eye. Luck 1d100 = 50 There's no real competition in... be glad to hand them over and make the LCAF more... down the street in grand fashion, each piloted by a MechWarrior...

..., because of course. A fashion statement; not that he knew...regeneration until combat is over. Can only be used after... Raging Combo: 18 → 25 (50 hits) Beginner Combat: 36 Elemental ... (+180) INT: 100 → 150 (+50) CHA: 34 → 44 (+10) TITLE ... the man's arm passed over his head, Greg moved. ...a chorus, erupting all over the newly hopeful downtown area.... the driver fully slumped over the wheel as the passenger ...

..., because of course. A fashion statement; not that he knew...regeneration until combat is over. Can only be used after... Raging Combo: 18 → 25 (50 hits) Beginner Combat: 36 Elemental ... (+180) INT: 100 → 150 (+50) CHA: 34 → 44 (+10) TITLE ... the man's arm passed over his head, Greg moved. ...a chorus, erupting all over the newly hopeful downtown area.... the driver fully slumped over the wheel as the passenger ...

... three wickets in his first over, four wickets in ten balls... for one in the second over of the day. Toby Roland-Jones... Ploy with his sixth. Next over, Sharma completed his career-best return... their task in a positive fashion from the outset. All four.... Instead, Geddes reached a well-judged 50 off 47 balls with five...

... $ 2 00 $ 1 50 In January 2003 Frederick '... kan få din receptmedicin Med over 200 lokale apoteker tilknyttet, kan... 19, 2025 · However, with changing fashion trends and tough competition, many...

... together over the course of several years. In typical "Dad fashion", he... every car guy had for 50 years, it's probably multi-voltage, and...

... to herself, Colina turned over in the grass, her white...she felt the senkaimon forming over head. Standing up quickly...hair dancing in a bobing fashion behind her as it ... has three settings; 0%, 50%, and 100%. Changing this ... At 50%, the user regains 50 reiatsu + an additional 50 per class...this is set to 50%, and all release techniques and...increments of 100, to restore 50 durability per 100 reiatsu spent...

... 2nd Street aims to have 50 stores by 2035 in Southeast...까지 매장을 50개로 늘리는... BANGKOK/TOKYO -- As secondhand fashion grows popular in Thailand, the... year, with a target of 50 stores in the country by ...국 내 매장을 50개까지 늘리... clothing market is estimated at over $1 billion. 중고 의...서 2035년까지 50개로 늘릴 계...

... body towards the opponent. The fashion of this release is said ... creation of this technique. However, over the course of time, it ... tend to show their mastery over it with pride and accomplishment..., 20 m. And for Mastered 50 m. This seems more apprpriate ...

... them survive. missteps: 1. The 50 and Fabulous campaign. They wound ... on extravagant trips or host fashion lines is a mistake. It... last year. She may be over exposed now but bringing in ...

I saw this post https://www.reddit.com/r/oddlyspecific/comments/1t82v3a/what_kind_of_question_is_that/ and didn't see any answers in the thread. There are a lot of people saying "Hamiltonian," but that seems to be a meme, and no one explained why there would be a Hamiltonian path. My interpretation of the problem is that the ant wants to visit all 24 of the 2-dimensional facets of the 4-dimensional hypercube (also called the 4-cube or 4-dimensional cube or tesseract, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypercube). I am restricting the ant to only move from one face to another by crossing a shared edge. So it cannot tunnel/fly through the 3-dimensional cubical cells to reach an opposite parallel face, nor can it crawl over a vertex to reach a face. I think this is fair because they call it an ant and not a fly or termite, and typically faces are only considered adjacent if they share an edge (this is not an issue with the faces of a cube, but it is in the 4-cube). So the problem is to determine if the ant can visit every face exactly once by only crossing edges transversely. Here's a graph formulation of the problem: we can describe the vertices of the 4-cube with the 2^4=16 binary strings, e.g. [0,0,0,0], [0,0,0,1], ... Then the 1-dimensional edges are all sets where three coordinates are fixed and the last one is allowed to range between 0 and 1. For example, the points [0,0,0,x] represents the edge between [0,0,0,0] and [0,0,0,1]. In typical Hamming fashion, two vertices are connected by an edge if the differ in exactly one position. This lets us count the number of edges: there are 4 choices for the varying coordinate, and then 2^3 choices for the fixed coordinates, so there are 32 edges. But this "skeleton" of vertices and edges is not the graph we want to traverse. We want a graph where each face of the 4-cube is a vertex, and two faces are connected if they share an edge. The faces can be represented by sets like [0,0,x,y], where two coordinates are fixed and the other two can vary independently. This lets us count that there are (4 choose 2) * 2^2 = 24 faces. Double checking on Wikipedia confirms these numbers. Finally, every edge is on 3 faces, since it has one varying coordinate, we can name the faces it is on by varying one of the other three coordinates. We make sure these numbers make sense: there are 24 faces with 4 edges each, and there are 32 edges on 3 faces each, and 24*4=32*3. So far, so good. So we have a graph with 24 vertices (the faces) and each one is connected to 8 others (2 along every 1-dimensional facet with no repeats). This means the ant is trying to find a Hamiltonian path on an 8-regular graph with 24 vertices. Finding a Hamiltonian is typically a hard problem - it is one of the 21 classic NP-hard problems (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hamiltonian_path_problem). There are some theorems (due to Dirac and Ore) that ensure there is such a path if the degrees are large enough, but they don't apply in this case. I spend some time staring at different projections and animations of the tesseract to see if I can design a path for the ant until I get too confused and decide that even if I think I have traced out a path, I won't be able to convince myself that I did unless I can write it down, and that's going to require some careful structuring. I also don't want to try to draw this 24 vertex, 96 edge graph, or code it. Then I think there is probably something like a Gray code for 4-digit ternary strings, where each string has two 2s (using "2" to represent the varying coordinates), but adjacency doesn't have the usual meaning here that is does in Gray codes. Then I get lucky and find this paper: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/0095895680900428 where Bill Jackson proves that "Every 2-connected, k-regular graph on at most 3k vertices is Hamiltonian." Exactly what we need! So I assume the ant has been keeping up with J. Combinatorial Theory, Series B, and we only need to show that this graph is 2-connected. That is, removing any one vertex will not disconnect the graph. So now I'm thinking like an ant: could I still walk from one face to any other face if some face and all of its edges was a glue trap? Yes, just like I can walk around the sides of a box which has one inaccessible face on the ground. I know there is a path between any two faces, and if that path includes the deleted face, I can mirror everything and walk to an opposite parallel face, then continue my route and mirror back again when I am in one of the 6 safe cubical cells. Maybe there is a nicer argument for why this graph is 2-connected, but I am an ant, I only went to The Derek Zoolander Centre for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Who Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too. Edited to add: As usual when doing math, having to write things down and see what other people think has lead to additional and better solutions: u/Own_Pop_9711 gave a nice proof https://www.reddit.com/r/theydidthemath/comments/1t9utyi/comment/ol5lxu8/ that this graph (and any other vertex transitive graph) is 2-connected. This leads to some open problems about vertex transitive graphs always having a Hamiltonian path, and all but 5 having a Hamiltonian cycle. Knowing that they are vertex-transitive lets House of Graphs narrow down the possibilities to 5 options that are 8-regular, Hamiltonian, with 24 vertices. Of those, exactly one has 96 triangles (a little work to prove the face graph has 96 triangles, but not that much), so the abstract graph is here: https://houseofgraphs.org/graphs/1401 It even has a name - the 24 cell. It is the vertex-edge graph of one of the 6 regular convex polychora, the 4-dimensional analogs of the Platonic solids. From MathWorld: "The 24-cell, however, has no perfect analogy in higher or lower spaces." u/Niiai constructed explicit directions for Hamiltonians on the faces of a cube, as well as a version of the problem where both sides of each face were touched, and asked for coordinates for the faces in the 4-cube. So I wrote them down, and doing that let me write an explicit path. The left columns are the sequence of faces. The right columns are the edges between adjacent faces. Each face has two fixed numbers and two variable stars. Each edge has 3 fixed numbers and one variable star. An edge is on a face if it can be made by replacing one star of the face with either 0 or 1. Two faces are adjacent if they share an edge, or equivalently, if you can replace a star with a number and a number with a star. The column beginning 17... gives a bijection with the vertex labels on House of Graphs, which are also used in the Graph6 file (and I assume in the Mathematica command GraphData["TwentyFourCellGraph"]) in case anyone wants some powerful machinery. 1 * * 1 17 1 0 * 1 * 0 * 1 7 * * * 0 1 19 * * 1 * 1 13 * * * 1 1 23 0 0 * * 1 4 0 0 0 * * 1 0 * 0 0 * 3 0 0 * 0 * 2 0 0 1 * * 21 0 0 * 1 * 9 0 * 0 1 * 6 1 1 0 * * 22 1 1 * 1 * 15 1 * 1 1 * 18 1 1 1 * * 10 1 1 * 0 * 12 1 * 1 0 * 11 * * 1 * 0 14 1 1 * * 0 16 1 * * 1 0 24 0 0 * * 0 5 0 * 0 * 0 8 * * * 0 0 20 Some new questions based on this: What is an explicit Hamiltonian cycle, where the first and last faces are adjacent? u/AbbreviationsHuman60 has found one here: https://www.reddit.com/r/theydidthemath/comments/1t9utyi/comment/ol6xjyp/ which is very symmetric and geometric. Is there a path (or cycle) that does not use any edge more than once? If so, are there four of those that use all 96 edges? Since every 1-dimensional edge appears three times in the abstract graph, this would give an interesting colouring of the edges. I am surprised that this construction is not mentioned on either MathWorld or Wikipedia, it seems very natural. It says that the dual of the 2-skeleton of the 4-cube is the 24 cell. Does anyone have a reference for this? submitted by /u/Glum-Row-4833 to r/theydidthemath [link] [comments]

I’ve been going down a rabbit hole on the Kemsley divorce filings and I want to share what I found because I think the actual legal and financial picture is almost the exact opposite of what’s been playing out on screen. Bear with me because this takes a minute to lay out but I promise it’s worth it. First, the ten year thing There’s a widespread belief in the fandom that Dorit strategically waited until the ten year mark of their marriage to file for divorce. The logic being that California treats marriages of ten years or more as “long duration,” which gives the court ongoing jurisdiction over spousal support with no preset end date. The implication being that she timed the filing to maximize her financial position. That part is probably true. She likely did wait deliberately. California Family Code Section 4336 means that in a marriage over ten years a judge can retain jurisdiction over spousal support indefinitely rather than setting a fixed end date. That’s real leverage and she probably knew it. But here’s where it gets interesting. California is a community property state Everything earned during the marriage belongs equally to both spouses. Her Bravo income, her management company income, all of it. Half of it was legally his too. An attorney who analyzed the filing publicly noted that her RHOBH salary is considered community property and that PK could potentially claim a share of it. So when she filed thinking she had the upper hand on spousal support, his team went and did the forensic accounting. And what they found was not what she needed them to find. What the court documents actually show The forensic accounting covering roughly two years is now in the public record and the numbers are striking. She had $3,559,095 in available funds during the covered period. He had $3,446,650. She actually had more money available than he did, and unlike him she had zero loans. Nearly a quarter of his available funds came from borrowing. Here’s how they each spent it. He spent 55% of his available funds on family expenses. That means the mortgages (both of them) the household staff payroll, health insurance, the kids’ school fees, utilities, car lease, car insurance. All of it coming out of his pocket while also taking out loans to cover the gaps. She spent just 9.52% of her available funds on family expenses and 74.78% on herself. So much for caring about her kids having a roof over their head. That’s just talk. The retail shopping breakdown for a fourteen month window is itemized in the filing. $69,000 at Louis Vuitton. $69,000 at Chanel. $38,000 at Hermes. $22,000 at Saint Honore. Net-A-Porter. Moda Operandi. Nearly a million dollars in designer goods during a period when the mortgage was going completely unpaid. And she made zero mortgage payments on a house she had exclusive use of. Zero. She made one utility payment. The Bravo contract detail that kills her defense She claimed on camera, when PK’s attorney raised concerns about the spending, that he didn’t understand her professional obligations and that the wardrobe expenditures were necessary for her career. His team subpoenaed her Bravo contracts and reviewed them. The declaration states flatly that her contracts contain no requirement that she purchase, maintain, or be reimbursed for wardrobe, clothing, hair, makeup, styling, beauty services, or related expenses. They looked at the actual paperwork. The “it’s a business expense” argument is gone. Amanda’s choices have proven her claim untrue. Amanda has claimed to have recycled fashions and looks over the season. Dorit could too. Erika downsized. The $50,000 demand There’s a declaration in the filings from PK’s attorney describing a phone call where Dorit allegedly demanded $50,000 immediately and another $50,000 the following week. She allegedly said that payment would prevent her from playing “dirty games” that could cause reputational harm to PK. She specifically referenced his girlfriend Tatiana and suggested reputational allegations could damage that relationship. When the attorney expressed concern about ongoing demands she allegedly responded “PK knows me.” This is the legal definition of extortion. Dorit has committed another crime. Read that in the context of the forensic accounting and it makes complete sense. She could see what those numbers were going to show once they landed in front of a judge. Getting money informally before the documents went public was her best play. Once the forensic accounting was in evidence her leverage evaporated. The house She has been refusing to vacate, refusing to sign mortgage restructuring documents, refusing to agree to a sale timeline. The house has two mortgages in default. The first mortgage has $5,196,750 outstanding plus $445,919 in arrears and penalties. The second mortgage, a $750,000 loan at 13.99% interest that matured in September 2025 and has never been paid off, now totals $895,965 to pay off entirely. Staying in the house and refusing to cooperate on a sale isn’t emotional. It’s strategic. The house is the largest community asset. The moment it sells a judge divides the proceeds and her share gets reduced by whatever dissipation claims PK successfully argues. Keeping the asset in limbo while running up the arrears delays that reckoning. The dissipation claim is the real weapon In California when one spouse wastes or misappropriates community assets during the marriage the other spouse can be reimbursed from the dissipating spouse’s share of the settlement. What PK’s team has built is a forensic record showing nearly $2.8 million in personal spending by Dorit over 26 months, representing almost 80% of her available funds, while she contributed less than 10% toward the family and paid nothing toward a house in her name that was sliding into foreclosure. Every dollar she spent at Chanel while the mortgage went unpaid is a dollar he can potentially argue should come back to him from her share of the settlement. So who actually has the leverage She filed thinking the ten year marriage gave her the upper hand on spousal support. And technically the court does retain indefinite jurisdiction in a long duration marriage. But spousal support flows to the spouse who needs it and can’t fully support themselves. PK has documented income of over three million dollars across his UK and global management operations. He’s not going to successfully argue he can’t pay his own bills. What he can argue, and what the documents support, is that she dissipated community assets on a massive scale, that she refused to cooperate on saving or selling the primary community asset, that she made extortionate financial demands on his attorney, and that the forensic accounting tells a completely different story than the one she told on television. The spousal support angle is almost certainly a bargaining chip rather than a genuine long term goal. What he actually wants is a clean financial separation that doesn’t leave him subsidizing her lifestyle indefinitely, which means getting the house sold, the dissipation claim on record, and a settlement that reflects the actual numbers rather than the show’s narrative. She walked into what she thought was the best positioned divorce filing of her life. And then his team produced two years of bank statements, that show she made more money than him. The show’s version of this story is a financially naive woman victimized by a reckless husband who kept her in the dark. The court documents tell a story of a woman who had more income than her husband, took out zero loans, spent nearly three million dollars on herself over two years, paid nothing toward the family home, and then demanded a hundred thousand dollars in cash to keep quiet about it. Those are not the same story. Dorit it’s gonna walk away from this with almost nothing. The house will be gone. PK can show that she was spending community property assets during the divorce so he gets a bigger portion of the remaining cash. She won’t get any spousal support. Sutton’s house on the main road won’t look so bad then. submitted by /u/Nearby-Conference959 to r/RHOBHDefect [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/IggyandtheCauldron to r/countwithchickenlady [link] [comments]

Hi Reddit, I (22M) need to know if I’d be the a**hole here. For context, my best friend (23F) and I have been inseparable for years. When her boyfriend now fiancé proposed, she asked me to be her man of honor. Of course I said yes immediately. I’ve been helping her plan this wedding for the past year and a half alongside her mom, and I’ve already spent over $600 to be part of everything. Now, here’s the important part: I have bright blue hair. I’ve had it for the last three years, and I’ve been doing vivid fashion colors for over a decade. From the VERY beginning of wedding planning, I asked her multiple times if my hair would be an issue. Every single time, she told me no it wouldn’t be a problem. Fast forward to TWO WEEKS before the wedding. She suddenly comes to me and asks if I can dye my hair back to a natural color for the wedding. After a year and a half of saying it was fine. So now I’m stuck. I can dye it myself—it’s not about that—but it’ll still cost around $50 plus tax. It’s not a huge amount, but it’s the principle of the thing. She reassured me over and over that my hair was okay, and now, last minute, she’s changing her mind. So I’m considering asking her to cover half the cost of fixing my hair about $25 since this change is coming entirely from her and very last minute. Would that make me the a**hole? Or is it fair, considering I’ve already spent $600+ on her wedding and only agreed to everything under the assumption my hair wasn’t an issue? Reddit, be honest WIBTA ————————— UPDATE: So I just got off the phone with the bride-to-be, and when I asked her why she suddenly wanted me to change my hair color and what made her change her mind after repeatedly telling me it was a non-issue she had no idea what I was talking about. She sounded genuinely confused. I told her, “Hey, you texted me this morning asking me to change my hair color,” and she said she never did any such thing. Well… lo and behold, it turns out her mother took her phone and messaged me, pretending to be the bride. Honestly, I’m not terribly shocked. Her mom has made plenty of comments about the wedding party before. For example, she said one of the bridesmaids should remove her nose ring (even though it has cultural significance), and that another should either not wear or somehow hide her insulin pump under her dress. She’s also made repeated comments about me being a man instead of a woman, and how “unconventional” it is for me to be the Maid of Honor. Anyway, my best friend made it very clear that under no circumstances does she want me to change my hair color this close to the wedding. She said it would be a completely ridiculous ask. So, I’m going to the wedding with my blue hair, despite her mother’s wishes. I’m still the Man of Honor, and I can’t wait to stand beside her on one of the most important days of her life. Now all that’s left is finding her something old, something new, something borrowed… and I’m her something blue. 💙 ————————— UPDATE #2 So one of you suggested that either the bride or myself reach out to the rest of the wedding party to see if the mom had pulled anything similar with them… and yeah. She absolutely did. She contacted three of the bridesmaids and one of the groomsmen, basically trying the same thing she tried with me. It gets worse though she asked one bridesmaid to hide her insulin pump, another to cover her tattoos, and told a groomsman not to wear his hearing aids. At this point, the bride is seriously debating whether she even wants her mother at the wedding anymore. We’ve now confirmed with everyone in the wedding party that no changes are actually needed, and we love everyone the way they are and it’s pretty clear the mother of the bride is just on a full-blown power trip. Because of all this, the bride and I are reaching out to the venue to arrange security in case anything goes sideways. We both agreed it’s better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. As for what happens next, whatever the bride decides about her mom, I’m 100% backing her. This whole situation has been wild. Hopefully this is the final update thank you all for the advice and support. submitted by /u/RelativePlatform9463 to r/WIBTA_AITA [link] [comments]

I need to talk about this because none of my friends understand what I actually do when I try to explain it and my girlfriend thinks I'm running some kind of scam. So background. I'm 28, work full time as a marketing coordinator at a mid size agency. Not a creative role really, mostly spreadsheets and campaign tracking. Last year around September I was helping one of our clients source photos for their Instagram. They sell swimwear and wanted diverse model shots across different locations, skin tones, backgrounds, the whole thing. The quote from the photography studio came back at $4,200 for a two day shoot. Client said no. We ended up using the same three stock photos everyone else uses and the campaign looked generic as hell. That stuck with me because I knew AI image generation was getting crazy good. I'd been messing around with Midjourney for fun, making weird fantasy landscapes and stuff. But the problem with basic AI image generators for anything commercial involving people is that you can't get the same face twice. You generate a photo of a woman in a sundress on a beach, great. Now you need that same woman in a cafe, different outfit. Completely different person shows up. Doesn't work if you're trying to build any kind of consistent brand presence. I started googling around for tools that could keep a face consistent across multiple images and went down a rabbit hole for like two weeks. Tried a bunch of stuff. Played with some LoRA training on Stable Diffusion but I'm not technical enough and the results were hit or miss. Tested out several platforms, APOB, Synthesia, HeyGen, Artbreeder, a couple others I can't even remember. Each does slightly different things and honestly they all have tradeoffs. Eventually I cobbled together a workflow using a couple of these that actually produced usable stuff, the kind of output where you'd have to really zoom in and squint to tell it wasn't a real photo. The basic idea is simple. You set up a character's look once, save it as a model, and then reuse that same face across as many different scenes and outfits as you want. That's the thing that makes this viable as a service and not just a cool party trick. Because brands don't want one cool AI photo. They want 30 photos of the same "person" that they can drip out over a month on Instagram. I didn't plan to sell this as a service. What happened was I made a fake portfolio to test the concept. I created three AI characters, gave them names, generated about 15 photos each in different settings. Lifestyle stuff, coffee shops, hiking, urban backgrounds, gym, that kind of thing. I showed it to a friend who runs a small clothing brand and asked if he could tell they were AI. He said two of the three looked real and the third looked "maybe AI but honestly better than most influencer photos I get." He then asked if I could make some for his brand. I did 20 photos for him over a weekend, he used them on his Instagram, and his engagement actually went up because the content looked more polished than the iPhone shots his intern was taking. He paid me $150 which felt like a lot for maybe 3 hours of actual work. That's when I thought okay maybe there's a Fiverr gig here. I listed a gig in October called something like "I will create AI model photos for your brand" and priced it at $30 for 5 photos, $50 for 10, $100 for 25. Figured I'd get zero orders and move on. First two weeks, nothing. Adjusted my gig thumbnail three times. Then I got my first order from a guy running a skincare brand out of his apartment. He wanted photos of a woman in her 30s using his products in a bathroom setting. I set up the character, generated the scenes, did some light editing in Canva to add his product packaging into the shots, delivered in about 2 hours. He left a 5 star review and ordered again the next week. Then I hit my first real problem. My third client wanted a fitness model character and I spent a whole evening trying to get consistent results. The face kept shifting slightly between generations. Like the bone structure would change or the nose would look different in profile vs straight on. I ended up regenerating so many times that I burned through way more credits than I expected and had to upgrade to a paid plan earlier than I wanted. That order probably cost me more in time and tool credits than I actually charged. I almost refunded the client but eventually got a set of 10 that looked cohesive enough. That experience taught me that not every character concept works equally well. Some faces just generate more consistently than others and I still don't fully understand why. I've learned to do a test batch of 5 or 6 images in different angles before I commit to a character for a client. If the face isn't holding steady, I tweak the setup until it does or I start over with a different base. By December I had 14 completed orders. The thing that surprised me is who was buying. I expected like dropshippers and sketchy supplement brands. Instead I got: A yoga studio in Austin that wanted a consistent "brand ambassador" for their social media but couldn't afford a real one. They order monthly now. A guy selling handmade candles who wanted lifestyle photos but didn't want to hire models or use his own face. A pet food company that wanted a "pet parent" character holding their products in different home settings. A language learning app that needed a virtual tutor character for their TikTok content. This one was interesting because they also wanted short video clips where the character appeared to be speaking in different languages. Took me longer to figure out than the photo work and honestly the first batch looked rough. The mouth movement was slightly off sync and the client asked for revisions. Second attempt was better and they've reordered three times now, but video is definitely harder to get right than stills. Here's the actual workflow now that I've got it somewhat dialed in: Client sends me a brief. Usually something like "25 year old woman, athletic build, for a fitness brand. Need 10 photos in gym settings, outdoor running, and post workout lifestyle." I set up the character's appearance and save it. This used to take me over an hour when I was learning but now it's more like 20 to 30 minutes including the test batch to make sure the face holds. I generate the photos by describing each scene. I've built up a doc with scene templates that I know tend to produce good results so I'm not starting from scratch every time. I just swap out details per client. I generate more images than I need because not every output is usable. Weird hands, lighting that doesn't match, uncanny expressions. I've gotten better at writing descriptions that minimize these issues but it still happens. Early on I was throwing away more than half my generations. Now it's maybe a third, sometimes less. Quick edit pass in Canva or Photoshop if needed. Sometimes I composite a product into the shot or adjust colors to match the client's brand palette. Deliver on Fiverr. Total active time per order is usually 45 minutes to maybe an hour and a half for a 10 photo batch depending on how cooperative the AI is being that day. The renders themselves take time but I'm not sitting there watching them. Cost wise I want to be transparent because I see a lot of side hustle posts that conveniently forget to mention expenses. I'm paying about $30/month for the AI tools on paid plans because the free tiers don't give you enough credits to fulfill multiple client orders per week. Fiverr takes 20% of every order. And I spend maybe $12/month on Canva Pro which I'd probably have anyway. So my actual margins are lower than the gross numbers suggest. On a $50 order I'm really netting about $35 after Fiverr's cut, and then subtract a proportional share of the tool costs. It's still very good for the time invested but it's not pure profit like some people might assume. The part that makes this increasingly passive is the repeat clients. I now have 6 clients who order at least once a month. Their character models are already saved. I know their brand style. A reorder takes me maybe 30 minutes of actual work because I'm not figuring anything out, just generating new scenes with an existing saved character. Some honest stuff about what sucks: Fiverr fees are brutal. I've started moving repeat clients to direct payment but new clients still come through the platform and that 20% hurts on smaller orders. Revision requests can be painful. One client wanted me to make the character look "more confident but also approachable but also mysterious." I've learned to offer one round of revisions and be very specific upfront about what I can and can't change after delivery. I had one order in January where I completely botched it. The client wanted photos in a specific art deco interior style and no matter what I described, the backgrounds kept coming out looking like a generic hotel lobby. I spent three hours trying different approaches, eventually delivered something the client said was "fine I guess" and got a 3 star review. That one stung and it dragged my average rating down for weeks. The ethical thing comes up sometimes. I had one potential client who wanted me to create a fake influencer to promote a weight loss supplement and pretend it was a real person endorsing it. I said no. My gig description now explicitly says the content is AI generated and I recommend clients disclose that. Most of them do because honestly it's becoming a selling point, "look at our cool AI brand ambassador" is a marketing angle in itself now. But I know not everyone in this space is upfront about it and that's a real concern. Also the quality gap between what AI can do and what a real photographer can do is still real. For high end fashion brands or anything that needs to be truly photorealistic at full resolution, this isn't there yet. But for Instagram posts, TikTok content, small brand social media, email marketing images? It's more than good enough and it's a fraction of the cost of a real shoot. Monthly breakdown for the boring numbers people: October: $120 (4 orders, mostly figuring things out) November: $230 (6 orders, lost one client who wasn't happy with quality) December: $435 (11 orders, holiday marketing rush helped a lot) January: $410 (9 orders, slight dip after the holidays which I expected) February: $710 (15 orders including three video batches which pay more) March so far: $200 (5 orders, month is still early) Total since starting: roughly $2,105 over 5 months. Minus maybe $150 in tool subscriptions over that period and Fiverr's cut which is already reflected in the numbers above. Average time commitment is maybe 5 hours a week, trending down as I get faster and have more repeat clients. I'm not quitting my day job over this. I tried dropshipping in 2023 and lost $800. I tried starting a blog and made $12 in AdSense over 6 months. This actually works because there's a clear value proposition: brands need visual content, real content with real models is expensive, and AI has gotten good enough that small brands genuinely can't tell the difference at Instagram resolution. Still feels weird telling people I make fake people for a living on the side. But the pizza money is real and my emergency fund is actually growing for the first time in years. submitted by /u/Soggy_Limit8864 to r/passive_income [link] [comments]

Luke was a funny chap. I sat next to him at work for 10 years 5 days a week and we hung out socially a lot. He used to muddle his words in the most fantastic ways - perfectly mixing two idioms/metaphors that you literally couldn't do intentionally. Malapropisms. I'd hear him on the phone to a customer and I'd suddenly realise what he said, and write it down, and question him after. They were always unintentional. Luke died 1 year ago today. He always made me laugh, and I will treasure this list forever. Some are just silly, but most are based on common idioms, just masterfully mixed up. Some contain 3! Free to query any and I'll explain. Here's all 168 of them. Cos then you've got it all under one basket I shouldn't do that because I don't want to get it in the arse Being pushed from post to post Bless her cotton jumper I like to get my 2 bob note's worth I'll be your port of contact Keep it on an even playing field You've got ears like a hawk That's his old hunting ground I'll send a goodwill jester It's a bit of a tonguefull They can then press the green light You pay for what you get I'd argue that fact You can plug out the old router and plug in the new one 1980 - good year to be born - easy year to remember Jane might get involved because she's the big frog He wanted 24/7 support. Minimum. I'm just setting the seed Watching the football, TV at the normal temperature You'll get your reduced discount at the end I've got 50% good news and 50% bad news Yep - I’m ready - fire for it You get what it says on the tin It's the vain of my life She's just a 2 man band Just grab my pad and paper All over it like a rat up a drainpipe I don't wanna be pussy in the middle Did you pick up my gargled message? Doing my due dillinger You're fighting a lost battle here The shit will hit the wall! Got to keep a well-oiled ship Well we've got him by the horns I assume you're spelling lodge like a lodge you would lodge in All hands on board It's not who you know - it's what you know That will be absolutely good Don't count your lucky chickens Hasn't quite got the same bell to it You took the words out from under me Hand-written with a quail A bit of small chat - talk about the weekend That's no skin off our back You swept that thought out of my mind I did a quick track back I had to bite my lip when he said that The early worm catches the bird I can't provide it if you don't have it Any other bits or bobs? I'm under lots of tablets and stress I'm going to the offer licence Someone on facebook's surname is 'Pound'. Like an actual pound, not the weight. Dry as a baby's bottom Send me an order form and we can run over it I was under the inkling that was happening today Turn the router on, and then off again A bit of toing and froming A one shop stop In Middle Earth America People say that as a slander term for it Some of us have lifes That helps sweeten the blow 300 BC. So about 2,300 years ago, give or take. Start from the top and work your way up Print it off in the old printy off fashion way Don't hold your hopes up Living by the edge of your pants May 7th is more of a specific date than May 31st That's too low-school More tension than a tension bridge I've wingled that into a sale Panic averted! He's as white as a sheep. Or is it white as a ghost? Your skin makes me crawl! I'm going to be slightly honest with you That's a deal ender That'll be us with our 4.2 kids Biff baff boff You've ridden that ride with me It's served on a bit of sea wood I'm here for the turnover service It's bug crazy here - just had a monkey swing past me! She used to be Polish originally A tubaware of cheese Those girls are like flies around pigs Why are you sitting down twiddling your legs? It doesn't look like her - she's an intruder Ahh theres no data for that line - it's either dead or not live To avoid getting it wrong I skipped round it 'Dual pronged attack'? I think you mean 'double pronged attack' The duck was overcook - completely mortified He's playing the cool game I'm not pronunciating properly Creme of the crop The Hunchback of Notre Dame is a fictional character from Notre Dame We have a mange a trois Nice in here - like a greenery I'm sick to my teeth Chicken ticker curry Going to Waitrose is boring - third world problem He'll be able to swindle his way out of it I've only met him once or once Conform against the norm She's part time most of the time We're a one shop basket Let me check, it was playing funny buggers on friday Mirror flat Oranger than a can of tangerine How's things keeping? I'll replendish you later He's been here longer than me - he's part of the kitchen cupboard If we leave promto It's Friday so...happy day! They're leaving it a bit short aren't they He's just a chip on his block I needed to stamp my foot down It's the last piece of the jigsaw It's in the luck of the gods Setting the picture Off the top of my memory Pasty stuck in my wind tunnel He pulled it over his and head and sophisticated him Hands off to Channel 4 for a great programme It's like talking to a blank wall That's a false illusion You can't get both worlds It's a shot in the distance Now you can reap the riches For shaving you need a sceptic stick He's not the brightest spark in the box Deaf as a dodo I'm feeling cancagerous today Hmmm itchy reckon We'll get the SQAT team down He's very talkity today Sarah's on paternity leave That's just a doorstep away from the other exchange I get really bad eye strain which is when your eye is strained It's given me a bit of a reality show Thats the meaning behind the madness An American dozen or a UK dozen? I've gone all hickledy pickledy That's double as fast You need a doctor of notoriety to sign it Go out for a spot to eat Are you hiring it or buyering it? Quiet as a whistle McDonalds fills the spot What's that contraction there? A fleet of sheep? You mean a herd 2 steps forward, 1 step back Designated coconut Yeah - mine was only a year and a half - yours was 18 months Doesn't ponsing mean paedophile, like 'you ponse'... Look at you giving me your two pence piece You're a one horse pony You've got to be serious He's a bit of a geezer, he likes a wheel n' a deal Ear blinding sounds Making a meal out of a mountain Let me just check this in case I don't get it wrong He's in the minst of it....That's what I said - 'In the mist of it'!! He's guilty of capable homicide That wasn't a Lukism - that's just me getting mixed up Mrs Petri on the phone - I bet she loves a bit of litmus paper! He's got molten neuron disease submitted by /u/Geofferz to r/CasualUK [link] [comments]

I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is still PartyCostume_Throwa. They posted in r/AITAH and r/Redditor_Updates Previous BORU here. New Update marked with ****\* Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for letting me know about the update! Mood Spoiler: weird and frustrating but OOP and kids are ok Original Post: January 5, 2026 Title: AITA for uninviting my dad's wife from my daughter's birthday party over something she did last year? I don’t usually turn to the internet for advice, but I feel like my situation is specific enough that my friends can’t help me much. For context, my dad has been with “Cathy” for a little under 15 years. She’s technically his third wife, so she’s always been very insecure about her place in his family, which has unfortunately led her to become very needy and histrionic. My daughter is turning 6 in February, and we’re planning her birthday party. Last year, my husband and I threw her a Cinderella themed party at our place. My dad showed up without Cathy, who had claimed to be sick. It didn’t bother me, but I remember feeling something was off. Near the end of the party, Cathy showed up in a Cinderella costume. She was acting in character and trying to interact with the kids. Neither me nor my husband had been informed she’d be doing that. At most, she’d asked me whether we were hiring any party performers a few weeks prior. I later found out she’d been planning to “surprise” my daughter and bought the costume the day she found out what the theme would be. My husband and I are still positive Cathy did this for attention. It didn’t really work (my daughter recognized her immediately), but it did disrupt things a little, because she did this around the time the kids were eating cake and some of the parents were getting ready to leave. We managed to sort things out, but it took some time and we still had to deal with a dozen confused preschoolers. It was a great party besides that and our daughter enjoyed herself, which is what matters most, but my husband and I asked Cathy not to do this again. She agreed and apologized. I’m pretty sure she’s planning on doing it again. We spent a lot of time with my paternal family during the Holidays, and I noticed Cathy was bringing up “Cinderella’s” appearance at the party very frequently. She was reminiscing, showing pictures and talking about what she’d do differently. She didn’t talk to my kids about it much, but she did ask my daughter what theme she wanted for her party this year, and how she’d feel if one of the characters showed up. I really don’t want to have to deal with this "surprise" again, especially if it comes with no warning like last time. We’re also throwing this year’s party at a venue, not at home, meaning we have a time slot to abide by. My husband and I spoke to Cathy about our concerns. She didn’t say she was planning on showing up in costume, but she kept insisting that if she did, the kids would love it and it could be fun. We tried to make her promise she wouldn’t do it, but she kept dodging it and claiming she didn’t see the problem. Finally, we told her it would be best that she didn’t come at all. She can join us for the dinner we’re having afterwards, but not the actual party. Now she’s upset and my dad is angry at us. He firmly believes we’re being paranoid and dramatic. I’m worried we’re going too far, but I’m almost certain she is indeed planning on doing it again and I don’t want to risk having problems at the party. AITA? Some of OOP's Comments: Lucky-Effective-1564: (Top Comment) NTA. But you could tell her you're having a "Chewbacca party" and see what happens. OOP: LOL I might just do that on my own birthday. samse15: This is one of those questions that could go either way… One the one hand, you’re totally right to have your boundaries and it’s weird that she’s trying to not only surprise your daughter, but also to surprise you. Why is she so obsessed with being a Disney princess? On the other hand, everything from you feels like a bit of an overreaction because it’s … just a princess costume…? Unless you’re getting creepy child predator vibes from her, she seems like she’s just trying to do something fun for the kids. Maybe it was awkward because you made it awkward? But is it generally harmless? I don’t know this lady, and I guess my judgement of the situation would depend on her actions outside of this. Does she frequently cross boundaries? Is she generally liked by your kids? Does she treat them well? Those kinds of things. OOP: I think that's a fair assessment. I don't really care about the awkwardness potential, I care about it being done with no prior warning. There was a little girl at the party last year who started crying because she and her parents had to leave, but Cinderella had just arrived. I'm having this event thrown, so I want to know what will happen, especially this year. She's not very respectful of boundaries, but not the worst case in my family. She's the kind of person who does what she thinks other people should like instead of what they actually want. The kids like her, but don't love her. Why OOP has an issue: OOP: The problem is more of a time (and child) managing thing than anything else. If me, my husband and the venue aren't aware, we can't control it, and it's difficult to manage these things with so many young kids around. We can't stay there after our time slot, so I don't want to risk anything being delayed. It's also very annoying in general (if I wanted a performer, I'd hire one), but I'm more worried about the lack of warning. To another commenter: It's still a distraction that can derail things. I also have no way to guarantee she'll show up at an appropriate time ("Cinderella" literally interrupted cake time last year). Select-Negotiation87: NTA. But omg lmaoo!! Tell her this year’s theme is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. OOP: We've made it very clear that this is more difficult to manage than it seems, but she refuses to accept it. She sadly already knows the theme will be Kpop Demon Hunters this year. Maybe she just wants to help: She could help me set up party favors or write invitations, but she doesn't want to do that. She wants to be the entertainment. Be more blunt/direct: I feel like it's hard to be as blunt as we're being now. We've told her, multiple times in several different ways, not to show up in a costume. She's not outright admitting she's planning on trying again, but she keeps dodging it and saying she's sure the kids will love it. And for the record, my kids didn't really like it last year. Again, my daughter recognized her right away. Why is Cathy doing this: I genuinely think this is because of her insecurities. She's the younger third wife who showed up when her husband's children were grown and his family was sick of caring about his relationship history, so she tries to take whatever chance she gets to assert herself as part of the family. As my husband puts it, Cathy acts like she's "allergic to not having eyes and ears on her." She's been like this for as long as she's been around, but it gets worse and more ridiculous as time goes by. It's been especially bad since I had kids. There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but most comments were NTA Update Post: January 10, 2026 (5 days later) So, I have a love/hate relationship with being right. My dad called me two days after I posted. There’s a purple wig at his place that is styled suspiciously similar to Rumi from Kpop Demon Hunters. He opened Cathy’s mail thinking it was his and found it. The costume itself is set to arrive in about a week. She wasn’t planning on telling him about either. He’s claiming they fought, because neither the costume nor the wig were cheap, but he also felt the need to tell me she’d been watching the movie repeatedly to “study,” and that she cares so much, and that isn’t it sweet how much Cathy loves my kids and maybe my daughter would like it this time. That was all I heard before I went to look for a pillow to scream into. I’m done. This made me a lot angrier than it should have, but it isn’t the first time someone in my family decides my plans and the effort I put in don’t mean shit. And if I can’t even plan my own child’s birthday party without someone trying to butt in, I don’t have to feel bad about drawing the line. Cathy is officially banned from the party. My husband and I have alerted the venue that we didn’t hire any character performers, and if any caucasian-looking Korean pop star shows up they must tell her to go home. We also gave them a picture of her. They basically told us they can’t let anyone who’s not on the guest list inside anyway, so she won't be allowed. I feel horrible about making them deal with my family drama, but at least that’s one less thing to worry about. My dad and I did fight about this, but I put my foot down. He kept arguing that it wouldn’t be a big deal if I “just let Cathy have this.” I told him that’s not the point. If he’s not the one who’s going to have to manage the situation, he doesn’t get to tell me how hard it is to do it. In the end, this is what we settled on: my dad can come to the birthday party as long as Cathy doesn’t tag along. If she does, they’re both out. Both of them can still join us for dinner later. I’m also thinking about lowering my contact with both my dad and Cathy. I love my dad, but no headache is worth this. I want to wait until I’m calmer to work out the details. I want to thank everyone. I’ve got a lot going on in my life and my therapist is on vacation, so it feels good to rant about this. But for my own sanity, I’m going to focus on relaxing for the next couple of weeks. I already feel much lighter knowing this is over. Some of OOP's Comments: SarahSecressts: The dad trying to frame her studying a movie to hijack a toddler's party as sweet instead of unhinged is some world-class enabling OOP: Happens a lot, even when he disagrees with her. Valuable-Job-7956: You know she’ll show up for dinner in costume right OOP: It's not the same thing. If she shows up in costume at a party full of small kids without warning, it's easy for history to repeat itself. If she shows up in costume at a restaurant in which the only children present will be family and there wouldn't be any real excuse for a character performer to be there, at worst she embarrasses herself. When several comments say she will show up anyway: Cathy will not be allowed inside the venue, costume or not. If my dad shows up with her, she will still be asked to leave (and I won't let him in either). To another commenter: She can't be allowed inside the venue without being on the guest list. They know who she is and what she looks like, so it doesn't matter whether she's in costume or not. There is 0 chance Cathy is coming to the party. [...] Pumpkin_Witch13: I was a character performer and this is WILD. There's a reason why we're scheduled and reasons why we're hired. The odds that Cathy can sound and look both like Cinderella from Disney and a Kpop demon hunter is just wild. And she's like what, 50, 60 too? I don't mean to be judgemental but kids can tell something might not be right if Cinderella went from being (18?) to 58. The most important rule to being a performer is doing NOTHING that would break the facade that the character is real OOP: Exactly! I have a friend who used to be a party princess, and she cringed when I told her what happened. Cathy is in her 40s. She does look younger, but not enough to pass as these characters. When she dressed as Cinderella last year, she didn't wear a wig (she's blonde) and wore the same makeup she always wears, so there was no chance my daughter wouldn't have recognized her. ***** New Update ***** *****Update Post 2: February 24, 2026 (1.5 months later)****\* Title: Final Update: AITAH for uninviting my dad's wife from my daughter's birthday party over something she did last year? I said I wouldn’t update again unless something happened, so you guys can probably guess why I’m back. This might get long. I’ll go ahead and say nothing happened at the party itself. It happened on Saturday, and everything went perfectly fine. My daughter loved it, the kids had fun and we had no problems with the venue. Cathy did not try to come, nor did my dad try to convince me to reinvite her. I had expected him to sulk through the party, but he actually did pretty well. And then we went to the birthday dinner. My dad and Cathy were running so late that the food arrived around the same time they did. Cathy was dressed as Rumi (wig and jacket). My dad was refusing to make eye contact with anyone, very obviously embarrassed. The kids saw them before we did. I knew there was a chance she’d come to the restaurant in costume, but I was more concerned she’d do it at the party. My husband and I had agreed that we wouldn’t make a scene in front of the kids, but would step in if things got out of hand. It was very awkward. The kids (five in total, including my three) mostly ignored her. They recognized Cathy and called her by her name, which upset her. They were also not amused by the way she kept trying to get their attention, because she was trying to get them to interact with her while they were either talking to each other or trying to eat. I told Cathy to leave them alone when she started trying to pull my daughter’s hand away from her food so they could get up and dance together. She sat there silent for a few minutes before leaving to go to the bathroom. Then she texted my dad that she wasn’t feeling well, and they left. In the end, they stayed for less than 20 minutes. People were staring, but that’s not something I tend to care about. Besides the few times I cringed (Cathy asked the waitress if they had ramyeon at Johnny Rockets), nothing too chaotic happened. [Editor's note: according to Google, Johnny Rockets is known for burgers, shakes and fries. I don't get the feeling that they have ramen] Still, I regret not telling her to leave. My husband handled bedtime that night, and our daughter asked him whether it was okay if she didn't like Cathy. She also asked my husband not to tell me that at first, because she didn’t want to upset me. The three of us ended up talking on Sunday. Our daughter basically said she was upset that Cathy was bothering her and being pushy during the dinner, and she was worried that the kids at the table next to us were “looking at her funny” because of what was going on. I’m exhausted, and I feel like shit like this happens way too often. It’s perfectly fine for them to do what they want as long as I’m the one dealing with the consequences. More than anything, I refuse to let my children be treated this way too. I genuinely don’t understand why Cathy insists on behaving like this, but I shouldn’t have to worry about whether a grown woman will listen to me when I tell her not to do something at my child's party. A few hours after the talk with my daughter, the kids went out with my mom. I took the opportunity to call my dad and Cathy, and told them she is no longer welcome at any of my children’s events. We had an interesting argument, during which Cathy said I had “humiliated” her when I told her to leave my daughter alone, and she couldn’t understand why I was doing this when she was willing to go this far to make my kids happy. My dad and I talked again later that night, without her. He was still defending Cathy, but admitted he was embarrassed when she insisted on wearing the costume (apparently, that was the reason they were late to the dinner). I told him my decision was final, and if he ever tried to bring Cathy to an event she isn’t invited to, they would both be told to leave. We’re not officially cutting ties, but my husband and I will make an effort to spend less time with Cathy moving forward. That will probably include lowering our contact with my dad as well, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that might actually help our relationship. In the end, Cathy’s shenanigan aside, my daughter really enjoyed her birthday. That’s all that really matters. I, once again, want to thank everyone. This is my last post. Some of OOP's Comments: toospicy4thepepper3: [...] Have you told your dad about what your kids said about it? I think if he knows he'll see that Cathy is doing this only for her sake, not the kids since they didn't like it either. OOP: I decided not to. I know that if I did, Cathy would fixate on my daughter whenever we saw each other. I didn't want to risk her making my daughter feel suffocated in the future. I don't want my daughter to dislike Cathy (and for all I know, she might completely forget about this in a few months), but her comfort comes first. My dad (and everyone else who was at the dinner) did agree that it was very obvious the kids didn't like it. To another commenter: Another big reason why I'm not telling my dad and Cathy. I don't really see any way of telling them that doesn't put an even bigger target on my daughter's back. She told me and my husband that in private, they don't need to know about it. OOP adds: I say she might forget because she's six. I have to be realistic here. But if she does remember this and decide she still doesn't like Cathy when she's older, she'll be well within her rights to. RanaEire: I have to say that going by your very first post re. Cathy dressing up as Cinderella towards the end of the party at home, I thought you were over-reacting, OP. Having read all your posts, and with the mention that people tend to interfere in your events, I can totally understand your annoyance... [...] OOP: Yeah, that was a relatively fair assessment with the amount of detail I gave at first. It's not really just events, there are several areas of my life that people keep trying to butt in. I wasn't allowed boundaries for a while in my youth, and I still have problems related to that with some of my loved ones. [...] PeppermintEvilButler: There is something seriously mentally unwell with that woman. And your father is an asshole for continuing to encourage it, because by allowing her to leave the house and go out this way is encouraging her behavior. OOP: My dad said they were late to the dinner because they had a fight over it. She put on the costume and refused to take it off. They argued until he "gave up" and they left for the dinner. None of that surprises me. Cathy's problem: I can't discard anything, but I genuinely think this is more related to her insecurities than anything else. Cathy has been extremely pushy with my paternal family since the start of their relationship. None of us have a close family bond with her, and that clearly gets to her. She's also jealous of my mom (who was my dad's first wife) for a number of reasons, and that got even more obvious when I had my first child. Is it just OOP's daughter: I don't think she's obsessed with my daughter or my kids specifically. She behaves in similar fashion with most of my paternal family, it's just worse around all the children. My cousin thinks it's because of the way they react to these things. submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Adventurous-Cap8649 posting in r/relationships Concluded as per OOP 1 update - Medium Original - 8th February 2026 Update - 15th February 2026 My girlfriend [23F] seems genuinely disgusted by my interests and I [25M] am starting to feel ashamed of myself. How do I address this? My girlfriend (23F) and I (25M) have been dating for about a year now. I love her a lot and I genuinely care about her deeply. I see her as my partner and my best friend, and I have always imagined a future with her. We share similar goals, values, and aspirations, and most of the time our relationship feels supportive and loving. That is why this situation has been weighing on me more and more, because it feels at odds with how close I thought we were. I am kind of a nerd. Not extreme, but my interests are things like superheroes, anime/manga, games, and DnD. These are things I have liked for a long time and they are a big part of how I relax and enjoy myself. She is pretty much the opposite. She is more into celebrity culture, going out, fashion, luxury or trendy things. I do not have a problem with that at all and and I’ve always tried to be supportive. The problem is that whenever I bring up my interests, she reacts very negatively. She will scoff, say “ew,” or look genuinely annoyed. At first I thought she was just teasing, so I tried playing along with it as a joke, but she actually gets upset when I do. She has told me that she finds these interests unattractive and associates them with guys who have bad mindsets like misogynists or incels. That really hurt. I do not identify with any of that, and I do not think my hobbies say anything about my values or how I treat women. I am not asking her to like the same things I like. I just want basic respect and to not feel judged or gross for enjoying them. There have also been moments that make me wonder if this is partly about image. For example, I am using a very old iPhone and want to upgrade to a flagship Android phone. She keeps pushing me to get an iPhone instead, even if it's not the latest model. She says this is because she prefers using iMessage, but in my country iPhones are also a status symbol. She has mentioned before that appearances matter a lot to her because of how she grew up, which makes me unsure what the real issue is. Lately, I notice that I hesitate to talk about things I enjoy around her or I downplay parts of myself to avoid that reaction. I do not want to feel ashamed of who I am in my own relationship. How do I bring this up in a way that sets boundaries without turning it into a fight? Is this something that can realistically be worked through, or does this point to a deeper incompatibility? TLDR: I love my girlfriend and our relationship is mostly good, but she reacts with disgust toward my interests and associates them with negative stereotypes. Combined with her focus on appearances, it is making me feel judged and ashamed of parts of myself. I am not sure how to set boundaries or whether this points to a deeper incompatibility. Comments MasticatingSheep She honestly just doesn't sound very nice. There are plenty of nice women out there who like the same things you do or at least can appreciate that you do like them. But once someone starts saying "ew" at 1/3 of your personality, the relationship becomes untenable. Imagine spending the rest of your life hearing that. I certainly couldn't deal with it. itseffingcoldhere Appropriate times for your partner to respond ew “the cat just vomited in our bed” “i just sat on a wet seat” “i definitely just got norovirus from the Finnish hockey team” Inappropriate times “hey I wanna share some of myself with you” yellowstar93 I'm confused how you even started dating this girl if yall are so different? Like what do you talk about? Sounds boring and demoralizing. OOP: We bonded over food and movies. We’re both big cinephiles, and I love cooking while she enjoys going out to try new food. We also share similar life goals, which is why this is hard for me. The issue isn’t lack of overlap, it’s feeling judged for certain interests. fiery_valkyrie Is this what you want for the next 50 years? Someone who says “ew” every time you talk about something you enjoy? Someone who thinks your interests make you unattractive? Don’t settle for someone who makes you feel bad about yourself. waitwaitdontt3llme You can do infinitely better with someone who doesn't act like a child Update - 7 days later Posting an update because a lot of people commented and DMed. We talked. Like actually talked, not just surface level fixing things for the night. I told her straight up how it feels when she shits on my interests. That it is not just a small joke to me. Every time she scoffs or says “ew” it chips away at me and makes me hesitant to share parts of myself. I told her I am scared that if it kept happening it could build resentment over time and that is not something I want in our relationship. She listened and owned up to it. She explained that a lot of people she has encountered who were really into those same hobbies have made misogynistic remarks or behaved in ways that made her uncomfortable. Because of those experiences she built this association in her head, and part of her reaction came from being afraid I might share those traits or eventually show them. I told her I understood where that fear came from, but that applying it to me felt unfair. I explained that it felt like I was being judged based on a stereotype rather than who I actually am. I told her she knows me well enough by now to know I am not like those people. The conversation got emotional and deeper than just hobbies. We talked about insecurities, fears, and how we affect each other. It got heavy, we both ended up crying, and we agreed to be more mindful with how we speak to each other, including her not dismissing the things I enjoy. Fast forward to recently. I was telling her about my day and kind of testing the waters without making a big deal out of it. I mentioned I watched an anime while working (I work remotely). Normally that might get a reaction, but this time she just asked about it. She asked if it was something I watched as a kid and whether I enjoyed it. No scoffing, no “ew”, just curiosity. That sounds small, but I noticed it immediately and appreciated it a lot. I am not declaring victory or anything. I just see it as a positive step and I hope it reflects a real shift rather than something temporary. Also addressing something I saw a lot. People saying I am putting up with her because she is hot, or calling her shallow. Yes, I think she is conventionally attractive. But no, that is not why I am with her, and no, she is not shallow. She enjoys fashion and material things. That is just part of how she expresses herself and how she wants to be seen. It has never hurt her finances and she has always been mindful about spending. She talks things through with me before buying stuff, cheap or expensive. Honestly I do not think this is that different from how many of us express ourselves through our hobbies. People buy expensive collectibles or gear. Yes it is for personal enjoyment, but we also enjoy when others appreciate it or think it is cool. Wanting to be seen or validated is human, not something exclusive to one type of interest. I am not pretending everything is magically solved now. I just wanted to share that we had an honest conversation, emotions were on the table, accountability happened on both sides, and I have seen a small behavioral shift since. I am paying attention to consistency going forward. Appreciate everyone who took the time to respond. TLDR: We had an honest talk about how her reactions to my interests were hurting me, she explained where her assumptions came from, and we both agreed to be more mindful going forward. I’ve already seen a small positive shift and I’m hopeful it sticks. Comments BuildingEfficient306 sounds like you handled this really well honestly. having that kind of vulnerable conversation where both people can cry and actually hear each other is pretty rare. the fact that she was able to connect her reactions to past experiences and own up to how it was affecting you shows some real emotional maturity. that small moment with the anime question is actually huge - it's those everyday interactions that really show if someone's genuinely trying to change or just saying what you want to hear. the consistancy thing you mentioned is key though. keep an eye on that but also try not to turn it into a test every time you bring up your interests. also appreciate you pushing back on the shallow comments. people on here love to jump straight to "dump them" without considering that relationships are more complex than one issue. 404_otpnotfound I’m so glad to get an update and hear that it’s positive! I hope she continues to be curious and open to you. I know I posted on the original, and I’d just like to say I don’t think she IS shallow. I was trying to point out a negative stereotype about her interests. Every space has bad people. It’s up to us to work out whether or not that person fits into that box. I’m so happy to hear she was receptive and that you’re both being vulnerable with each other. This is a small victory and it’s good and okay to be happy about it and hopeful. I hope things continue to get better. It’s good that you guys had the convo. I’m proud of you guys. It’s hard to be vulnerable and accepting when there’s a disagreement or concern. Good luck and I’m sending good vibes y’all’s way that it keeps going up from here. I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments submitted by /u/SharkEva to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ughhhelpmepleaseee My Roommate's(21F) Parents keep letting themselves into my (21 F) apartment with the spare key my roommate gave them. Originally posted to r/relationship_advice TRIGGER WARNING: Physical violence, invasion of privacy, controlling behavior, theft MOOD SPOILER: Outrageous but positive ending Original Post May 5, 2019 Backround: my parent's are family friends with my roommate's parents. I was never really friends with my roommate in high school, but got to know her from living with her in a dorm. Recently, MY PARENTS got ME an apartment and pay RENT every month. So pretty much, roommate's parent's don't pay Over the past few months when we come home from class, we have walked in on 1. Her mom doing our laundry almost every week. 2. Her mom cooking food and cleaning for us 3. HER MOM CLEANING MY FUCKING CLOSET and calling me a slut for having tube tops and mini skirts, etc 5. Her Mom and dad chillin at the apartment Friday nights to make sure we don't party. I just can't deal anymore. I told my roommate to tell them to stop, but she said I'm overreacting. Am I overreacting? Should I tell my parents? I have lost my mind. Literally. Udhdudbdu helpppp. TLDR: MY roommate's mom keeps coming into my apartment RELEVANT COMMENTS goddess-of-the-trees Omg fucking helicopter psychos. Tell her to have this stop immediately. This is a gross invasion of your space. Your home is supposed to be your sanctuary. If they continue, get the locks changed ASAP. OOP I can't, the building management doesn't allow lock changes. And everyone is allowed to have a spare, so they can't help 😭😭. She doesn't seem to think it's a big deal either. radicalpastafarian Well it isn't a big deal to her. They are her parents. The three of them are entitled to treat each other whatever way they like. But they are not your parents. They are not entitled to treat you as they do her. ~ Darkwings13 Why did you let them freeload and invade your privacy? Tell your parents and give your roomate notice to get out by the end of the month. OOP When I was supposed to move out, her parent's didn't want her to have a "new roommate" on campus. I had no problem with her up till we moved out of campus housing, so I didn't mind her moving in with me. My parent's didn't mind it at all either. Editors Note: OOP removed edit 1 for space - I've added it back Edit: I have tried asking them for their set of spare keys back a month after we moved in, and it ended in them yelling at me about how disrespectful I am to "older people." I also tried to go through her mom's purse a few weeks ago,(which I probably shouldn't have done) and got caught by my roommate. She was really upset about it (which I totally understand) and haven't tried getting it back since. Mini update: I took out edit 1 to shorten the post. I told my older brother about what happened, emailed my building manager, and was able to get a response from him saying I can put a lock on my bedroom door. Me and my brother went to home depot and got a basic lock. Her mom is currently cooking in the kitchen and watching my brother fix the lock. She doesn't look too happy. I'll update you all again when I tell my parents. Edit: sorry for all the edits but I think I need to clarify something. The reason my roommate isn't paying rent is cause her parents hit a tough spot financially last winter, and my dad wanted to ease the burden on them a little. He said he would help out by giving my roommate a place to stay so her parents could just worry about her tuition and not room/board. Edit 2: Imma tell my parents about it. I just didn't want to ruin their friendship as they were close friends for a lonnggggg time. RELEVANT COMMENTS NookieNinjas No offense but it kind of annoys me that you can’t just be direct. Stand up for what’s yours. Your space, your privacy, your life. What happens if you want to bring someone over to fuck or something. I’d be blatantly direct about this issue. They need boundaries set sternly in front of them. OOP I deleted one of my edits to shorten the post, but I have been direct multiple times. With my roommate and her parents. Everytime I tell her parents something, I get shut down with " how can you talk to someone older than you with no respect?" ~ moriginal This happened to me. I went to college in a beach town and My roommates parents co-signed for her. Soon after she moved in she also moved out to become a stripper and live with some dudes (??). Anyway so it was just me in a strange town and suddenly every weekend her mom would come stay at my apt with her (the moms) boyfriend ? I’d come home from class Friday and they’d just casually be cooking dinner ?? It was awkward af and I had to go to the landlord and the mom at one point literally begged me and said her daughter is a drug addict and she’d given her this one last chance (thanks a lot!!) and she is stuck on the lease for paying the rent for a year so she should at least be able to use it as a vacation house.... I finally had to consult a lawyer and the landlords to explain that a co-signer doesn’t mean tenant. When I was like 19. Anyway. That was the first year of my college experience that only got 1000x worse. Update 1 May 6, 2019 (Next Day) RM= roommate's mom R=Roommate I came back from my morning run around 7 am this morning, and RM and R were in the kitchen making some coffee. She has never been there this early before. I decided to talk to them about everything prior to going to class. I atarted off with "hey auntie, can we talk?" (In brown culture everyone is called an aunt) and these are some points I listed: I appreciate that she has been cooking and cleaning, but I want to do that on my own. I love to cook and felt that I was never allowed in my own kitchen. I also told her that I want to do my own laundry and clean my room myself. I don't want her in my room. I reminded her that I talked to her about this when it first happened, and that's why I put the lock on the door. I told her that if she wants to be with R, to let R text me and lmk that RM would be in the apartment. They expressed understanding and I hugged it out with RM. Before going to class, I put a load of laundry. My friend is having a birthday dinner today, and I decided to wear this cute white dress with an open back (my mom even got me this dress since she thought it was so cute) and tossed it in the washer so it could be fresh for tonight. I asked RM multiple times if she was planning on doing laundry today, and she said no. I told her that I would be back around 1, and she can do laundry when I finish mine later this afternoon if needed (I didn't want her touching my clothes). She was okay with it and said R didn't have laundry today. Cool. I left feeling really relieved, but I still locked my bedroom door. I got back to my apartment about half hour ago, and I couldn't find my white dress. As soon as I came home, R looked nervous. My clothes were in the dryer, and I didn't do that for a fact. RM states that I put them in the dryer and just forgot. Ughhh. I locked myself in my room, and I know she probably took the dress as it was something she wouldn't approve of. When I was in my room, I heard RM talking to R in our language, she told her daughter something along the lines of "idk why she's freaking out about that dress. In India, escorts and prostitutes wear those kinds of clothing." And she went on to tell R that I won't find a husband wearing stuff like this. I honestly think she wanted me to hear all that. is she is seriously just being a passive aggressive bitch to me rn? I'm trying so hard not to break down and cry. I'm heading over to my parents right now and I'm telling them everything when they come back home tonight. I'll keep you posted. Update 2 May 8, 2019 (2 days later) Okay guys, I'm sorry for updating you guys late and for the super long post, but I want to make sure I get important details in there. Editors Note the following 3 paragraphs were edited out of the post but visible on rareddit (added them back in) When I left my apartment yesterday to go to my parents house, I forgot to take my credit card. I walked back up to my apartment, and R was studying while RM was watching TV. RM asked me where I was going, and I told her "away from you." I guess that pissed her off, cause she got up and started yelling about how bad of a parent my mom is by teaching me how to "go around the city with different guys" and "talk back to adults." I was so frustrated, I ended up cussing her out. This got her really really mad, and she ran to the kitchen and grabbed a wooden spoon from one of the drawers. This crazy bitch was gonna hit me with a wooden spoon. I ran out of my apartment as fast as I could to my car, and I honestly could not stop laughing. This was insane. I THINK RM IS CRAZY and needs a MH checkup. Seriously. I am very worried for her wellbeing. My mom was home, along with my brother, my brother's girlfriend, and her parents. I told them everything that happened, and no one liked what they heard. My mom called my dad to tell him what happened. When my dad came home, he hugged me immediately and started crying. Me being called a prostitute and a slut was too much for him to handle. I've never seen dad cry before, and it hurt me so so bad. My mom called RM and RD and R to come over to talk. They came over immediately (they probably knew something was up from the tone of my mom's voice, she was so close to growling). Mom was being petty though, when they came home, she didn't allow them inside. She made them stand on the doorstep the whole time, and I could tell this was pissing RM off. Some points of the confrontation: Why are you calling my daughter these names? RM: I didn't say anything. She's making up lies. Why are you even in the apartment that much? You told us that you go there once a month to check on R. You also said she visits you every weekend? RM: The kids don't know how to cook, so I help. Also kids are busy studying so they need it. Why is a 50 year old man in my daughter's apartment? -no answer- Why are you going through my daughter's stuff? Why does she need a lock? Why are YOU limiting my daughter's times with her friends? -no answer- I shall also mention that Roommate's dad was SITTING IN THEIR CAR ON THE DRIVEWAY DURING THIS WHOLE CONFRONTATION But things got heated up really quickly. RM started insulting my parents: She said my mom is a bad mom because she never disciplined her children. she said I am unruly and that the clothes I wear are despicable (she brought up clothes a shit ton, like this lady is really offended by my fashion sense). This annoyed my brother, and he showed RM IG pictures of R wearing more revealing clothing than me, and sitting on boys laps. RM shut her mouth about my clothes immediately. She then proceeded to try to insult my parent's professions by saying they have "God Complexes". This pissed my brother off to the brink, and he replied with " you own 3 subways and are almost broke, but we never say anything about it." This pushed RM OFF THE EDGE, and she leaned in closer to my brother and attempted TO SLAP HIM. This lady tried to SLAP my 24 y/o brother IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS. They argued more, and my mom asked where the dress was again. This time, she walked away to their car, and pulled my dress out of her purse. She came back to where we were standing AND LITERALLY THREW THE DRESS IN MY FACE. My mom had no more patience left, and back Slapped RM across her face. I've never seen my mom raise her hand on anyone, and I burst out laughing. Even my dad had to walk back inside to keep himself from laughing in front of RM. RM started crying and said she was going to call the cops on us. When they left we had a big discussion: My parents were angry that I never told them about this before. They said that they got me that apartment so I could do what I wanted. They wanted me to be able to have friends over, have a place to chill, and have a place without parental influence. However, they are very proud and happy with the way I dealt with the situation, and said calling the cops would unnecessarily escalate the situation that could be solved by talking. Thank you all for the advice. I appreciate it alot. ❤. They were mad at my brother cause they said he shouldn't have shown those pictures of R cause now she has to deal with that trouble at home. My parents agreed that letting R live in my apartment without consulting me first was wrong on their part. My parent's started the eviction process today. Anyways, it may be hard to believe, but I do stand up for myself a lot. It's just that in this situation, I didn't want to do anything that would offend my parents because I had respect for their friendship and I didn't want to ruin it or do something that would embarrass my parents. I learned from this, and I have growing up to do, but now that I know I have support, I won't worry about petty shit like this later. I also don't want to live alone so one of my best friends from high school is gonna be my new roommate(no, she isn't Indian). No one is living rent free in this situation. I would also like to say that even though I wasn't friends with R in high school, living with her for 2 years did help me make a bond with her. Idk if we can be friends after this, but it feels bad losing a friend. Also my parents are liberal ass Indians. They have lived here in America for over 40 years. They didn't want to spy on me at all. They don't mind me wearing skirts or tube tops or having guy friends over. TLDR: My family helped and we're getting her evicted. Edit 1: I forgot to add, for those of you guys who think that my parents paying my rent and tuition doesn't make me an adult, I don't think it does. I'm so blessed to have parents who want to make sure that their kids graduate without debt. Also, it's my parent's money. They'll do what they want. This gives me no excuse to have a GPA less than a 4.0, Js. Edit 2: I took out the part where RM tried to threaten me with a wooden spoon to shorten the post. It was funny though. Edit 3: I added a TLDR. I included most of the important points. If something doesn't make sense I'll reply in the comments. The cops are yet to show up. Edit 4: GUYS WE FORGOT TO ASK FOR THE KEY BACK. FUCKING DAMN ITTTT - nevermind, roommate's dad dropped them off at my parent's this morning. False alarm. FINAL COMMENTS Salty_Royal Fellow Indian girl here who heavily relates to dealing with aunties with boundary issues. People who are saying this is fake must not be familiar with Brown culture lol. I've been following your post and so glad your parents were so supportive and it worked out for you! OOP Thank you! The immense support and understanding I have gotten from fellow Brown people is so wonderful! ~ nashvillenation Brother with the Insta is a low key hero. Mom and dad coming to your rescue and defense, no questions asked, is fantastic. I'm sure you do, but make sure to thank your parents not only for the support of the apartment, but also for their support through this evening/the process that will continue to unfold. Seems like they appreciate and value you, and you them :) neversleepever I wish he never brought up the Insta. Her friend probably got beat when they got home.... OOP That's what my parents were worried about. I don't think she would get beat, she might have been slapped and will probably lose the few privileges she has right now. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Now that we're nearing the stage where the expansion is coming sooner rather than later, I'm really curious what the veterans of the series think of Wilds. I'm really new to this series and finally started with World after having wanted to play MH for years. I never had the chance to buy the games on my PS2 and I never owned a 3ds so I missed out on the chance to play anything until World released on the PS4. Since then, I've played Rise, World, and Wilds, though I never fully beat the former two. And while I'm having a lot of fun with Wilds I'm honestly feeling disappointed with the endgame. The gameplay loop of Wilds has been nothing but amazing but for me it also feels a little bit lacking. I feel like both of the Gogmazios and Artian weapons really ruined the excitement for the endgame with me because of how RNG dependent they are and how they contribute to such powerful builds. I know that it doesn't ultimately matter in the end but it also feels so much more restrictive with playing around with certain sets because as of TU4, so many things are tied to having specific bonuses from your weapon and even your talisman. In a way I feel like I had more fun climbing from HR 16-50 because I was always able to look forward to crafting a new weapon from a monster or go back and farm one for something I wanted. Now I'm just farming Gogmazios and trying to get luck on Attack relics to craft something decent for a new weapon class. With that in mind, I'm really curious to hear about what the veterans of this series think about the game. I know that this system is pretty new to the series, but I'm wondering about how you guys perceive the endgame of Wilds compared to the previous games in the series and if I'm just not really getting it. I love the fights and learning weapons, but now that I've killed everything and have a lot of armor sets for the fashion, I'm finding myself running out of things to do. Like, is this common in the other games of the series? Have Artian/Gogmazios weapons affected your enjoyment of the end game at all? What do you end up doing when you run into the situation of having cleared the game, do you do a psuedo re-play with a new weapon and learn the fights all over again or anything like that? submitted by /u/jackpaxx to r/MonsterHunter [link] [comments]

i’ve been looking at fashion subs lately that are for non-celebrities. I have found they are mostly for young women. At least the women on them tend to be very young. Let’s just say they think over 30 is old lol Anyone on any non-celebrity non-high fashion subs for those of us over 50? submitted by /u/overthishereanyway to r/AskWomenOver60 [link] [comments]

Edit: What I mean to say is that I cost myself 10 years of work by following his advice - my fault - obviously he did not hold a gun to my head. Back then he was not a clown with a show... he was a fund manager just like the fund managers you see as guests on shows today (there was less internet and info back in 2000). Many of his strategies crashed too fast to get out in one piece and he was still recommending to buy more when they started to fall. Since then I have earned more money and invested in ETFs slowly working my way to retired. My goal is to let younger folks chasing 10x at high CAPE know that the individual recommendations did poorly when the bubble burst but the ETFs slowly and steady got to retirement goal. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In 2000 Jim Cramer went viral with his 'only 10 stocks to buy/own for the future'. He said he was buying them every day, especially if they went down, valuations were old fashioned... they were guaranteed 10-20x. Jim Cramer's 'only 10 stocks to own for the future' 724 Solutions Ariba Digital Island Exodus Communications InfoSpace Inktomi Mercury Interactive Sonera VeriSign Veritas Software Cramer's choices were soon mostly destroyed too fast to get out whole. By contrast, the same initial $100,000 in a passive S&P 500 index investment would be worth ~$712,600 today. This is how taking Jim Cramer's recommendations made me work 10 extra years before I could retire (not hypothetical... true story). I'm just sharing my story because I see posts in this channel looking for 'guaranteed 10x' and I still see Cramer fanboys... IMHO anyone can pick winners when the whole market is going up... the true challenge is who can predict success over time. Someone will say 'VeriSign' is/was great... but that was insufficient to make up for the 90% bad choices and resulted in a 50% loss over 25 years vs 700% gain if you ignored him and listened to Boggle. Young people may not think this is a big deal... but trust me... when you are old... having to work 10 more years is painful. submitted by /u/SpellAccomplished541 to r/stocks [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Haunting_Beauty_229 Originally posted to r/AITAH Previous BoRUs: #1, #2 [Final Update]: AITAH for telling an exchange student to not date my son and possibly ending my marriage? NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: abuse, sexual harassment, domestic abuse, mental health issues, grooming, emotional manipulation, racism, misogyny, child abandonment Mood Spoilers: optimistic RECAP Original Post: June 8, 2025 So, I (40F) have two kids, my daughter Liz (12) and son Toby (19). I'm going to be honest, Toby has become a perverted degenerate. Because Toby is his son, my husband (54) tended to spoil Toby a lot and indulge his interest (which included 18+ movies and my husband's stash of old Playboys). My husband would say 'he's a teenager, let him be' despite me telling him that Toby was growing to be a degenerate. This was ESPECIALLY true for Asian women. We had an Asian cleaner (we're pretty well off), who Toby would hit on and harass until she smacked him across the face when he tried to lift her skirt. My husband wanted to press charges, but I threatened to divorce him if he did and I would make sure everybody knew what a pervert Toby was. I made sure to give her a nice bonus before referring her to a friend, and then hired an older man in her place. Toby sulked for three months following that. I can already hear the comments "why threaten divorce when you could just do it", and it's because I didn't want to uproot Liz. I have been saving a small chunk of the weekly grocery money since she was born and have a lot saved in a secret account. I originally planned to get the best divorce lawyer once Liz goes to college and leave him, but considering everything that happened these past few hours, I may need to move my plans up. I realized I was basically groomed not long after Toby began exhibiting that problematic behavior, and I think fetishizing 'exotic' women is hereditary, as my husband is white and I am Latina. Most of the community knows I was groomed, so I have a lot of friends in the neighborhood because of it. They serve as my eyes, and it keeps Toby in check while in public (something that he makes clear annoys him). Anyway, our neighbor recently had his prior exchange student come back for a visit (he hosted a few years back). For the sake of the post, I will call her Kimi. Kimi is incredibly bright and happy, she's always smiling and waving at people in the street. This would be all fine and dandy if she hadn't done so to Toby, who she caught coming back from hanging out with friends. She was on my neighbor's front porch, having tea with my neighbor's wife, when they caught each other's eyes. To be honest, Toby was smitten, but I didn't trust it. I noticed he and Kimi would talk for hours on the porch the following week. And we even had her over for tea a few times over the course of that week. Liz absolutely adores her, and the two would talk about fashion and the newest anime and manhwas (I have no idea if I spelt that right, but the Korean version of manga). Fast forward to two days ago and we're having tea with Kimi, my neighbor's wife, and I. Kimi asked if she could possibly date Toby, and both the neighbor's wife and I froze up. I put down my cup and I was blunt, I told her Toby was a lot like his father in the fact that he doesn't see women as a gentleman should. I brought up the Asian maid, and told her Toby may look at her the same way, even if he doesn't seem to right now. I then explained my husband was the same way, love bombing and cherishing me, and I realized too late the kind of man he was. My neighbor's wife cut in, saying that she knows I had tried to set Toby straight, but some nature is too strong to change. I then finished saying that if she did decide to date Toby, I would be honored. I also informed her I'd have her back if Toby ever tried to pull anything shady, and so would most of the neighborhood. Kimi silently nodded, seemingly understanding. Now, Kimi is ignoring Toby. She came over this morning to pick up Liz for a shopping day, and Toby tried to say hi. But, she just ignored him and told me goodbye before Liz shut the door. Toby mumbled a slur while pouting, and I had enough. I rolled my eyes and said something along the lines of 'and that's why I warned her about you'. I honestly didn't mean to slip up, but I was exhausted from not sleeping (I have chronic migraines). Toby looked at me, and it looked like heartbreak. But, I looked at him straight in the eyes and told him 'I tried to make you a gentleman, but you and your father kept acting like perverted asses. If you want to blame anybody, blame your father. He allowed you to become this way'. Toby stormed to his room and I got a text from my husband an hour later, asking why I would sabotage my own son like that. I texted back basically the same thing, that I had enough of Toby looking at women like objects and that if he had been a good father, I wouldn't view my son as a pervert. We had a chance to fix his behavior, but he enabled him. My husband is now furious with me, and Toby has yet to leave his room. Liz and Kimi are still out, and I texted my neighbor's wife to ask if the two can sleepover at her place since I have a feeling my husband is already going to start a fight with me. The neighbor offered to come over and act as a mediator and shield (he's a big guy), and I took him up at that offer. I'm shaking, I'm scared, and I probably imploded my marriage. All because I warned a very kind girl about the kind of boy my son is. I feel like I'm about to throw up, I have no idea what my husband is going to do or say. All I know is he's mad, Toby is mad, but Liz and Kimi are safe. My nieghbor said he's going to be over before my husband gets home, and I honestly am left wondering if what I did is actually for the best. AITAH for warning an exchange student about my son and ruining my marriage? AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Relevant Comments Commenter 1: NTA, and holy shit, get the entire cavalry. The entire neighborhood is going to want a piece of him if he hurts you. I’m so sorry this is happening to you OP! Does Liz know her brother’s a pervert? OOP: You're sweet, thank you. Liz does know, she never has friends over because she is scared Toby will try something. Commenter 2: Are you sure Toby hasn't tried something with his sister? Or cousins? It isn't too late to teach Toby about boundaries and consent. What is legal and what is not. OOP: My husband is an only child and all my family lives in my home country, so visits are rare. I don't think he's tried anything with his cousins, and even if he did, pretty sure his uncles and male cousins would beat the crap out of him. I have talked to Liz and she told me he's never done anything to her or her friends, but they say he gives off 'creep vibes' and just watches them from a distance. Liz knows if anything does happen, I'm safe to talk to. Toby has assaulted people before, he was expelled from school twice before 16 for touching staff and peers (that was one of the first times I had him tested). So, he has a track record of this kind of behavior. It's why the whole neighborhood watches him. Ever since his second expulsion, he hasn't had any legal trouble. The people he assaulted before dropped the charges once he was expelled and settled out of court both times. Downvoted Commenter: Sounds like you’re taking your anger of your husband out on your son. The son sounds like his had problems, but keeping him an incel probably isn’t helping. OOP: I tried for his entire teen years to get him to do something else aside from staying home. From clubs to sports, he didn't want to do any of it. He didn't like any of the community things (like fairs or markets) either. Even the library's book club didn't work out. I've had him tested for any mental things (like ADHD or Autism) and he came out with nothing. I have no idea how to help him and my husband just enabled him. I love Toby, I just don't know what to do anymore   Update #1: July 11, 2025 (a little over a month later) Hello everybody, I just wanted to clarify a few things before I update you all. Firstly, Toby is my son (I think a lot of people were under the impression that he was just my husband's, I guess I worded that strangely). Second, everything I have done to try to prevent any form of escalation of Toby's behavior was dismissed by my husband. Any punishments were immediately reversed when he got home. Thirdly, I got Toby tested for any form of mental disability after his first expulsion (he's been expelled twice), and he is neurotypical as far as the test go (I got him tested for ADHD, ASD, OCD, and BPD). Fourth, my husband has never been violent towards my children and I, if he's upset, he'll direct that energy to something else or activity. Fifth, it feels like a lot of people thought I was 'stealing from my family' by skimming money from the grocery budget. But, it was just spare change and notes from after my shopping trips. It's not like I was stealing the entire grocery budget. And finally, yes, I can hear and understand the 'why haven't you left' or 'why didn't you do this?'. It's taken a lot of talking between my family, friends, and now you people of Reddit, for me to realize Liz and I didn't deserve this, ESPECIALLY Liz. So, now for the update, I am filing for divorce. I packed Liz up and took her back to my home country for 'girls time' with her cousins. While there, I made and had a virtual appointment with two different lawyers from the same firm. They are currently drafting the paperwork, but they also recommended I talk to local law enforcement about a possible protective order against Toby and my husband. Given their behavioral tendencies, I may consider it. And before everyone comes after me for 'abandoning Toby', this hurts me too. But, at this point, I have to protect Liz. And if I plan to have full custody of her (which the lawyers said was highly guaranteed if Toby continues to live with my husband), I need to separate myself from them. I'm still in my home country, talking to my family about everything. Just as I confirmed before, Toby has not gone after any of his cousins (I asked since I needed any additional accounts for legal reasons). Right now, I'm ok, but honestly, I don't know if I'll update again. I just really want to put this entire situation at rest, so, I may see you guys again or I may not. But, thank you all for the support, advice, and courage. Comments Commenter 1: Please be careful. Your husband may have international law on his side if you file for divorce while out of the country. Especially if you and Liz are not citizens of whatever country you are currently visiting. You need to make sure that the legal firm you are working with is very familiar with international divorce and custody laws while you pursue this while outside the country you and Liz have been living in. Also, as a follow-up to your last post, no, "degeneracy" is not hereditary. Fetishizing exotic women is not hereditary. These behaviors are not coded in DNA; they are taught, and your son was taught to behave this way by his father. Which also means you're going to need to think about your role in your son's life; I'd suggest you prioritize therapy for you and your daughter (separately) ASAP. Commenter 2: It was so obvious from the first post that OP is an abused wife. Her husband has not had to get violent with her. The fact that he’s violent around her and the children is abuse. The fact that she needs to skim money from the groceries to have an escape fund indicates financial abuse. Enabling an encouraging the sons degenerate and misogynistic behavior is abuse. He has been abusing his wife and his children, especially his daughter for years. And the fact that anybody would accuse her of stealing from her family because she holds on to a couple of dollars from the grocery budget is indicative of the way, so many people Think that it is perfectly acceptable to abuse your family financially. I am glad OP is getting out. I hope that her family has her back and her husband hasn’t been financially supporting her family in her country so that they encourage her to stay. Good luck OP!!! and make sure the lawyers go after every penny you can get Commenter 3: You’re doing the right thing by protecting Liz and yourself. It’s heartbreaking, but sometimes distance is the only way to truly create safety and peace. Wishing you strength moving forward.   Update #2: July 26, 2025 (15 days later from the last update) Hello again, everybody. Just wished to keep everybody posted on the current situation, and thank those who support me in this difficult time. This update is luckily, more positive, and I am happy to say that I am not giving up on Toby! I am currently back in my husband's home country, I think people were under the impression I was going to take Liz back to my home country, but I've stated before that I don't want to uproot her. I just wished to look into legal matters and get my mind sorted. I had a few friends in the neighborhood who offered to let me and Liz move into their place, and I took one up on the offer (she lives closer to Liz's school so it works out better that way). I served my husband divorce papers two days after my last post and moved Liz and I out the day of. And two days after we moved out, Toby was found lurking outside of Liz's school. He was having a mental breakdown and screaming, and was detained for trespassing. As far as I know and what witnesses have told me and the police, he was a complete wreck. I was also told he had been taken to the hospital for a psyche evaluation and was placed in a 72 hour hold. I wasn't allowed to visit him and according to the nurses and doctor, my husband made no attempts to visit him or even speak to the doctor. Toby was diagnosed with a mixed personality disorder, as he showed classic symptoms from narcissistic personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder. His emotional breakdown came from the fact that I left, and when I was finally able to see him, it broke my heart. He kept crying and saying he didn't know why he was like this, and I just held him. He hasn't cried that hard since he was a child and it honestly gave me a slight sliver of hope that Toby could still be a part of my life. I sat in on his next therapy session (mandatory while in the facility). And he apologized for how he acted, but I told him that the apology came a little too late. I told him that I am happy that he wants to get better, but I needed space. That our contact wouldn't be nonexistent, just limited (one message I received actually told me that I could send him a voice message, and I think that is a wonderful idea). I told him that if he proved he could be better, we can have full blown contact again. I am currently working with the doctors to find a suitable facility for him, as I made it clear that if he went back to my husband, he would never get better. I figured a voice memo a month or maybe a video call, just so he doesn't think I've given up on him. And in six months, maybe a year, hopefully he has the tools, coping mechanisms, and medicine he needs. I also helped him look at online classes, just so he can branch out again and try to get an education. So, that's where things stand right now. No updates on my husband, I don't know if he got a lawyer or what he's planning. But, I am safe, Liz is doing good, and Toby is getting better. That's all I have for now. I realized I was too hard on Toby, and I plan to not only acknowledge that in my first video message, but apologize for it. A lot of the comments opened my eyes as to how hard I was on him, even tho most of his behavior wasn't just his fault, but mine and my husband's (or I guess future ex husband). Thank you all for your support, advice, and comments. Harsh or not, I'm glad I posted on here. Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: So sad that Toby had a breakdown, but it sounds like it was for the better since now he's getting help. Glad you and Liz are out and safe, but no word from husband, even with his son in the hospital is worrying. Hope all gets better now. OOP: I also think the silence is worrying, but I am going to enjoy the calm while I can. Commenter 2: Wishing you both stability and connection. 💛. If you find that your voice memos really help him process things, maybe you could try sending a couple more each month? Just a thought — it makes me sad to see stories like this. These disorders can be really intense, but as you said — with the right psych support, well-targeted therapy, and meds, I genuinely believe things can become more manageable over time. Functional, even. Hoping for an update in a year or two with some good news. 🍀. OOP:** That is a good idea! I will run it by his current doctor! Thank you for the advice! Commenter 3: I don't know if only contacting him once a month is a good idea. You're leaving a lot of space for your husband to come back in and swoop him into his manipulations. I think you do need to have more contact even if it hurts you, if you want to help him heal. Commenter 4: I'm happy you're not giving up on Toby and still want to protect both your children and yourself. I'm glad your daughter is happy and carefree and hope it remains like that. However. You need to have someone with her and someone with you wherever you go. The silence your husband is having issues threatening and he's for sure making a plan to destroy you all. So gather evidence from throughout the years and everything recently and keep two separate copies just in case. And please, please, get someone to go with your daughter and you at all times. Your STBEXH is gonna make a move and it will be drastic. He's being cornered, and animals are at its dangerous peak when they feel cornered and threatened. Get both of you "spy" GPS trackers in bracelets or something in case he gets one or both of you. Be always alert until someone can contact him.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Final Update: November 8, 2025 (3.5 months later from the last update) FINAL UPDATE: AITAH for telling an exchange student not to date my son and possibly ending my marriage? Hello everyone! I know it has been a while, but I just wanted to get this final update out for everybody. It has been a busy few months for me, so I will try to make the timeline easy. But, first, I want to thank everybody who has supported me through this. It means the world to me, Liz, and Toby. First off, I got a job. Once I moved out, I took the liberty to apply for part time work. I needed something that would allow me to still be a part of Liz's life while also saving for an apartment or something. Liz's school is in a pretty nice area, so it is taking a while for me to save enough money. But, the person who is allowing us to stay says she doesn't mind. I do cook for her and help tidy the house as a thank you, I'm forever grateful for her support. Liz is doing great, I'm looking at therapist for her. I think it would be best for her to have a safe place to vent that isn't me or one of her friends. I also know that with the upcoming divorce, she is going to need a little extra guidance she might not feel like sharing with me. Now, before I tell you all about Toby, I once again want to thank everybody for helping both him and I. Our relationship has gotten better since his diagnoses. I am aware progress is hardly linear, it took two months to figure out dosages and therapies, and we even found a homing service for him. He currently lives in a facility where he shares a dormitory. Four rooms to a dorm, so he has his own space, a communal area, and he can begin to make friends with boys his own age. I took people's advice and we decided a video chat a week would be sufficient. He is apparently having a nice time, and we have him enrolled for spring classes online for next year. He has two therapy sessions a week, plus the facility has a counselor for urgent cases. My hope is he can get down to one session per week eventually, but I think he just has a lot to unpack mentally. Finally, my ex husband. Apparently, his lawyer told him there wouldn't be much of a case for him. Due to amounting evidence, up to and including the state of Toby, as well as multiple character witnesses, he would most likely be made to pay child support for Liz and the courts will heavily favor me. So, he cut his losses and decided to terminate his parental rights to Liz. It was surprising receiving that letter, but nonetheless, I think he finally made a good decision. His rights are not fully terminated yet, and he does have supervised visitation with Liz every two weeks, though he rarely shows up (probably thinks it will help him have his rights are terminated faster). In regards to assets, my lawyers said that since I had proof of emotional, mental, and financial abuse, the courts would favor me in terms of assets. We did not have a prenup or anything protecting him, so my guess is assets will be split 50/50. Though, I don't want anything in the house. I already took my own personal items, as well as heirlooms that he could sell. I honestly just wish to wash my hands of him, though it isn't ever that simple. Our next court date is set for sometime in December. I won't lie and say I'm 100% ok, I do still sometimes worry for Liz and Toby. I still have tea with the neighbors, they assure me I'm doing the right thing. As do my family and friends, I am surrounded by support. I also received a card from Kimi from my old neighbor, apparently she is a lurker here and recognized the story! So, if you're reading this Kimi, your letter made me laugh and I am so glad you are doing well! Things have mostly settled, I still wake up some nights with a pit in my stomach and dread clouding my thoughts. But, overall, I think I am doing the best I can. I was also looking at therapy for myself, though I would like to finish my divorce before doing that. I think this will be my final update regarding my children and situation, once again, thank you for your support everyone :) Relevant Comments Commenter 1: So, terminating parental rights doesn’t usually mean you don’t owe child support. If you married another man and he adopted Liz, then your ex wouldn’t owe it. But I find it strange that the court would waive child support if he just gave up his rights. Deadbeat fathers all over the place would take that route if it got them out of child support obligations. OOP: It could have something to due with how property is divided. I think the topic will be discussed more in the December meeting Commenter 2: Just because he terminated his parental rights doesn't mean he is free of his financial responsibility in most states. OOP: I am not American, I am from Europe!! But, I understand the confusion!! :)   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

\****EDIT 8/18/2025****\** I have submitted this post as feedback for the BF6 beta on EA's official feedback forum for the BF6 beta. If you support this post, please show it some love there as well: https://forums.ea.com/discussions/battlefield-6-beta-feedback-en/bf-vet-beta-feedback-game-pacing-is-too-fast-3-easy-fixes/12478776 BF vet here, I've been playing the BF games since BC2. After spending considerable time on the closed beta and mostly enjoying it, I want to say I am impressed with the current state of the game. It feels like a huge improvement over BF2042 and reminiscent of BF3/BF4 era. I'm hopeful that battlefield is back. That being said, it still doesn't feel like a true return to form, and this is largely due to the game's pacing. BF6 is too fast paced to be considered on the same level as the games during the golden era of battlefield. When I say fast paced, I do not mean movement. The player movement actually feels really true to BF3/BF4 movement; it feels grounded and realistic, and deservingly punishes those who try to slide and bunny hop their way through battles. The problem with game pacing is due to a number of other reasons, and from what I can tell, the largest offenders are (1) the absurdly easy target acquisition due to the current spotting system, (2) the utterly underwhelming suppression effect, and (3) the insanely fast passive health recharge. 1. Target Acquisition/Spotting System The target acquisition system in the BF6 Beta is overly generous in revealing enemy locations. From what I can determine, it seems that, as long as an enemy is in your line of sight and within something like 10 degrees from the center of your screen and up to a whopping 35m or so away from you, the game automatically puts a large red dot above the enemy's head, giving away their position. This is before the enemy is even spotted. Oftentimes, this leads to me identifying enemies far before I even see their character model. From what I can tell, this mark is only visible to you, but it allows for easy target acquisition and a quick follow up spot, at which point they would then be marked similarly for the rest of the team. Screenshot for reference: https://preview.redd.it/fx9d9nn4jwhf1.jpg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5886b92bc068a9651e67b3f8fb594ba0d6773f9e As you can see, there is a red dot above the head of the enemy in front of me, who is by my estimation ~35m away from me. He is not spotted, which can be verified by his lack of a presence on my minimap in the lower left hand corner. The enemy directly behind me and firing at me is painted on the minimap, but the target pictured is not. This is what I mean when I refer to BF6's target acquisition system being overly generous. The target is far enough away from me that his character model can hardly be seen, yet there is still a large red dot above his head, giving away his position to me. And he isn't even spotted yet. Previous battlefield titles had a system similar to this, where the enemy's name or a red dot would appear above their head if you were aiming close to them, but the distance that this happened at away from the player was very close ranged. I don't have the exact numbers, but from what I remember in BF3/BF4, enemy locations were not revealed this way unless they were within ~10m of you. The current ~35m that this happens at in BF6 is beyond excessive, and it allows you to easily identify enemies very far away from you, and then enables you to spot them, at which point their location will be revealed in a similar fashion to every member on your team. This of course goes both ways, which means that if you happen to be found by an enemy in this manner, it is likely that you are spotted by the entire enemy team. This leads to a far greater number of enemies being spotted in BF6 than in previous BF titles, and oftentimes it seems that every enemy on the opposing team is running around with a red dot above their head, which takes careful environmental observation out of the battlefield skill set in favor of a brainless "see red, shoot red" strategy. This also contributes to the feeling that as soon as you turn a corner or find yourself out in the open, even for a fraction of a second, the entire enemy team and their mothers are shooting at you. This is a common complaint amongst BF6 beta testers. The combination of the crazy long target acquisition distance and the strength of spotting in general in this game really speeds up the pacing of the game, and makes it play more like an arena shooter than an entry into the battlefield franchise. Suggestion: Reduce the target acquisition distance to 10m, and remove the red dots above enemies for base level spotting. This would make it so that, under a base level spot, an enemy's location will only be revealed on the minimap, and no red dot would appear above his head. Think BFV style. This would do wonders in slowing down the pace of the game, and give players an actual chance to reposition without immediately being gunned down by 15 enemy players. Recon class should then have an improved spot mechanic made available to them, either at as a core part of the class or as part of one of their field upgrade paths, that would allow them to spot enemies for the team with the red dots above their head in addition to the base level effect of revealing their location on minimap. This would give the Recon class much needed class identity, especially if DICE continues to keep weapon types unlocked across classes and follows through with moving the deploy beacon to the Assault class's toolkit. 2. Weak Suppression Effect As it currently stands, the suppression effect is so weak in this game that oftentimes I don't even realize when I'm being suppressed. There is almost no noticeable increase to gun recoil, aim down sight sway, or even an observable visual cue. If I'm shooting at an enemy, and another enemy tries to "suppress" me by shooting at me, 99% of the time I am able to secure the original kill I was going after and then take cover like nothing even happened. To the best of my knowledge, the ONLY effect suppression has in this game is preventing passive healing from occurring. This weak suppression effect is another huge contributor to the extremely fast pacing of the BF6 beta. In previous Battlefield titles, the suppression mechanic would make it considerably harder to take out enemy players if you were receiving fire from another enemy. Your recoil and sway would increase drastically, oftentimes causing you to lose the ability to secure the kill. It also rewards teamwork, as a player could oftentimes protect their allies from harm by being aware and returning fire on an attacking enemy, even if they themselves are unable to secure the kill. In my opinion, it is no coincidence that the Battlefield games often referred to as the best entries in the franchise also had a heavy suppression effect. It worked wonders for controlling the pacing of the game by prolonging engagements with the enemy. Suggestion: Drastically increase the effects of the suppression mechanic, or implement new effects if they are not present at all. I honestly can't tell if the suppression system even affects recoil or gun sway in BF6, that is how pathetically weak it is. A good, heavy suppression effect should do the following things: Drastically increase aim down sight sway, even by a factor of 2x or 3x. This will make sniping more difficult while suppressed, solving the current sniper issue. Drastically increase gun recoil, even by a factor of 2x or 3x. This will make returning fire with an automatic more difficult while suppressed, giving the edge to non-suppressed player Involve a heavy but not impeding visual effect on the suppressed player. Prevent passive health regeneration (this one is already in the BF6 beta). SUPPRESSION SHOULD NOT AFFECT BULLET SPREAD. Learn from the mistakes made in suppression adjustment during BF3 and BF4. Suppression maximizing the spread of the gun left too much up to pure luck or chance. A suppressed player should be able to win engagements, if the skill gap between engaged parties is large enough. Suppression affecting bullet spread is too suffocating. And before I get bombarded with "you shouldn't be rewarded for missing shots" or "this is an unfair mechanic because it further solidifies whoever shoots first wins", this is not the case. How suppression worked in previous battlefield titles, it took 20+ shots from an AR/Carbine/SMG in order to suppress someone. LMGs had an advantage in suppressing enemies, but they still took ~10 shots to suppress someone. Suppression isn't an accidental missed few shots, it is a deliberate and intentional expenditure of resources that inhibits an enemy combatant's ability to secure kills on your teammates. 3. Passive Healing Speed Passive health regeneration is crazy fast in this game. Health begins regenerating after a 5 second delay, and then it beings to heal probably something around 20 health per second. This yields around an ~10 second window after taking damage before you are at full health again. That means that a medic has ~10 seconds to give you medical support for it to actually be effective. This is Call of Duty levels of health regeneration. It works in CoD because CoD is a fast paced arena shooter, and there is no class that is dedicated to offering medical support. In Battlefield, however, health regeneration this fast takes away from the medic class, and helps to establish a pacing that is far too fast for the Battlefield feel. If soldiers are getting back into the fight faster, it speeds up battle engagements and ticket draw. Suggestion: Return passive health regeneration to the levels found in BF3/BF4. This would help slow down the pacing of the game and return much needed importance to team play, especially in the case of the Medic class. I would suggest keeping the health regeneration delay at 5 seconds, but then slowing down health regeneration so that it takes 15 seconds to heal back up to full health. In totality, this will require 20 seconds for a player to heal back up to full health, if they were missing the entirety of their health bar. It's also important to note that if this change were implemented, the Assault class would still heal to full health in just 10 seconds because of their passive improvement to health regeneration that is already in the BF6 beta which cuts both the healing delay and also the time required to heal to full health after health regeneration has started in half. This keeps the Assault class on this fast paced health regeneration, giving them a legitimate opportunity to shine as the true run and gun class. Despite this wall of text of grievances and suggestions, I am finding myself enjoying the BF6 beta. I'm not posting this as a BF6 doomer, or someone trying to bury the game. I am invested in the success of this game, and have been waiting for years for another enjoyable, modern-time Battlefield title to come out. Anything I've brought attention to in this post is simply my experience of the beta so far, and the suggestions I make depict my opinion of what would make this game live up to its highest potential. I am interested in knowing what other people think about the beta so far, so please let me know in the comments. Thanks for reading! submitted by /u/twing1_ to r/Battlefield [link] [comments]

I am not the OP. That is u/TraditionImpressive2. This is the new update to three previous BORU posts, which can be found here, here and here. Trigger warning: attempt to baby trap, mentions of abuse Mood spoiler: happy ending for OP and her new family Original post posted in r/AmItheAsshole on August 17, 2020 AITA for refusing to sell the place I bought with "stripper money"? For several years I was a stripper. I have no shame about what I did, and only quit when I got a better job offer. In the time I worked as a stripper, I intentionally lived as cheaply as possible (shitty little studio flat, living off ramen, wearing old clothes) because my coworkers all told me that they were able to buy their own places on their income, so long as they saved like crazy. Before I "retired", I managed to outright buy myself a 3 bedroom flat. I rented out the other rooms for a while but I got sick of having roommates, so now I have them up online for shorter stays, but not to rent. I met this guy about 18 months ago, and we've been together since. He knows about my employment history, and he said that he has no issue with it, though he did ask me to tell his family the white lie I occasionally use (on my CV and stuff), which is that I was a waitress (which I kind of was tbf). A month ago we found out that I'm 2 months pregnant. He says this is great news, and we should move in together. I assumed he'd be moving into my place because he rents his (far smaller 1 bedroom) flat while I own mine, and I have room for a baby's room while he doesn't. Also, I really don't want to leave my flat. It's my flat, I love it, I could see myself living here for the rest of my life, and I don't want to lose the security of owning a flat and have to go back to paying rent or a mortgage each month. However, he then said that he didn't want to move into my place, and said I should sell it and we buy a place together. I said that I like my place, it means a lot to me that I was able to buy it, and it represents years of working my arse off scrimping and saving. He then said that he understands all of that, but we should be living together by the time the baby comes and he didn't want to live in my flat. I asked him why not - it's a great flat, it's central to everything, it's spacious, it's got room for all his stuff, there's a daycare in the building (run/owned by another tenant) and a school 5 minute walk away, the list goes on - and he said that he didn't want to live in a flat that was bought with "stripper money". That really pissed me off, and I told him no fucking way am I selling my flat and that he never had an issue with my "stripper money" paying for this flat before now. I said I wasn't giving up the security of owning a home for someone who tries to make me feel ashamed about something I don't feel ashamed of. He said that his point is if I sold the flat then we could get a new place with the money from the sale. I said "wouldn't that still be stripper money?" and he said "that's different", and I asked how. He then said he was going back to his place because "I can't talk to you when you're in this state". He's gone back to his flat now and he's texted me saying I'm overreacting/irrational and I need to think of this realistically rather than emotionally. He says he wouldn't feel right raising a child in my flat knowing how I purchased it and selling/moving is the best idea of all of us, not to mention the fact he isn't on the deed because it's my place and it "would never feel like our place" because of this. I feel I might be the arse because I get why he might feel like it's just my place and I feel I'm being too rigid in a time we need to work together, plus I spoke to my sister and she sided with him so 2 out of 3 people think I'm in the wrong here. AITA? Relevant comments: Regarding the boyfriend’s financial situation: Let's say you did sell it, how much would he be contributing to buying a new place? Has he similarly been saving a bunch? Or would it be you selling your place to buy a new place all by yourself? He doesn't have much in savings. He has a startup company that he's trying to get off the ground, but he's only had about 4 clients hire him in nearly a year. He swears that eventually business will pick up but he left a far better paying, salaried job and now works in hospitality for minimum wage through an agency, because the old job wouldn't let him have a startup while working for them, and he's basically burned through the savings (and bridges) he did have to keep the company afloat. It sounds like option 1 would be us buying a new place while I rented out my flat, meaning that we would put down a deposit and then we'd pay off a large mortgage together. Option 2 would be selling the flat, in which case as it's a 3 bedroom flat, we'd probably have about 80% of the total cost of a 3 bedroom house, and then we'd get a far smaller mortgage that we'd still have to pay off. Why the sister agrees with her boyfriend: She's my big sister, and she loves me, but she never really approved of the stripper thing. This might be that manifesting. Does the boyfriend have an issue with OP's stripping past?: If he thinks your home is tainted by being bought with the proceeds of working in the sex/entertainment industry... then we already know what he thinks of you deep down You know what's super funny about this? And by funny I mean infuriating? Every celebration, he and his friends go to a strip club. Whether it's a bachelor party, birthday, graduation, promotion, whatever, he goes at least once every few months. And he has the nerve to have a go at me for being a stripper years ago! More on the pregnancy: It wasn't planned. We spent the first 6-ish months on and off and we fully broke up for about a month around 6 months ago, so we haven't even discussed moving in together. People suggest that the boyfriend might've tampered with the birth control: And... by any chance, is it possible that he manipulated your birth control / condoms? I'm not on BC for medical reasons but we always use protection. I never noticed anything weird like a leak or a tear. • He wouldn't do that. OP makes an update on the same post: Update on the off chance anyone sees this: I dumped him. There was a whole conversation and during the conversation he said he didn't want to be a parent if I wasn't willing to do everything he wanted, including sharing a house/deed (plus staying together). Also, at the start of the conversation I said what a few people suggested, which was that I'd be willing to sell and split the house with him, provided he paid 50%, and he got very very angry, very very quickly. He also said a few other things, so IDK how it's all going to pan out just yet, but it looks like I'm going to be a single mother. Update 1 posted in r/LegalAdviceUK on August 18, 2020 (1 day later) I have 2 audio recordings of my ex admitting to tampering with birth control. Is it any use? In England. I recently found out I was pregnant. I am not on the pill and don't have the implant, either, due to medical reasons, so our only protection was condoms. I am now 2 months pregnant with his child. I own my own flat and have a well paying job, while he owns a failing startup and does agency shifts. We talked yesterday. Someone suggested I recorded all interactions, as a few people had already guessed that he might have messed with our birth control, so I set my phone to record as he arrived. During the conversation, he initially said that if we weren't together as a couple, then he wouldn't want to be in this baby's life, and when I said we could work out split custody he said "that's bullshit". Later in the conversation he said "I thought a baby would fix things". I responded it couldn't have fixed anything, if anything it made things more strained with us as the baby wasn't planned and he snapped at me, "of course it fucking was. How'd you think you got pregnant? fucking magic?". He then paused and he said "I mean that... it wasn't like... stop making that face, I'm joking". I directly asked him "are you saying you messed up the condoms?" and he (quietly but audibly) says "yeah". I told him to get out of my flat and he said "look, have it, don't have it, I don't give a shit" before he left. I later texted him, saying "just tell me why." He then called me, so I started recording on my mp3. Over the phone he admitted that he was hoping I'd sell my flat, buy a new place with a mortgage, and "we could give the business a boost". I hung up on him. Hours before the initial conversation, I spoke to a solicitor who deals with custody stuff regularly, so he's said he'd help me with the custody stuff. However, he's married to my friend, and I love her but she's a bit of a gossip and can be a little condescending (as in "oh, poor you"), so I don't want either of them knowing about any of this if it's unusable. My ex was not aware that I was recording at any point in either recording, and there's no visuals, only audio on both recordings. We did say each other's names a few times on the first, but not at all on the second. Is this admissible in a custody battle? Is it useful due to the context? I feel like he's said all the things that would win my case if there was one, but if he can't do anything with it then I don't want him knowing about it. If it is useful and admissible, then do I just send it to the friend's husband? Thanks in advance. Relevant comment: Why does OP want to use the recording?: I'm worried he might push for 50/50 custody in order to avoid paying child support, or ask for majority custody so I have to pay him (which he could win as he has family while I only have my sister and I have an employment history that could make me look bad), or he'll otherwise try to pull something if we end up in a custody case. After hearing this, I want full custody, and I'm worried he'll push back in general. Update 2 posted in r/AmItheAsshole on September 6, 2020 (3 weeks later) UPDATE: AITA for refusing to sell the place I bought with "stripper money"? Quick recap on my first post. I spent several years working as a stripper, at the end of which I was able to buy my own flat. I'd been with my boyfriend for about 18 months, and I'm currently around 3 months pregnant. With the news of the baby incoming, my boyfriend said he wanted me to sell my place so we could use the money to get a new place together, and when I refused he called me irrational. I thought I was TA because of that, plus my sister sided with him. Now for the update, because a lot of people asked for one. First off, I dumped him. He initially said that he doesn't want to be a parent if we're not a couple, but earlier this week he told me he wants majority custody so not only does he not have to pay child support, but if he gets majority then I end up paying him (he actually said that was his reasoning). He also runs his own startup, and admitted the startup is basically done for, and he was hoping that when I sold my place I could also put a cash injection into his business with the money, so basically this was all about money for him (and I have extensive documentation of all of this). There's going to be a legal case, but I've gotten legal advice, and it looks like I'll be able to get sole custody, which is what I intend to go for. In the last couple weeks, my sister has doubled down and is trying to get me to fix things with my ex because "a baby should have a complete family", so I've not been involving her in my pregnancy, which she is furious about. She also told our parents, which I am furious about, so we're not speaking right now. I also want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my first post. When I first posted, between my boyfriend and my sister, I was genuinely convinced I was in the wrong, so to have such an overwhelmingly supportive response really helped me realise that I shouldn't doubt myself so much, and with that realisation, plus everything going on right now, I've decided to go to therapy, which I will be starting next week. All in all, the outcome of this is probably going to be me being a single mother in the flat I own. And honestly? Pretty decent outcome. Relevant comments: Regarding child support: According to the child support calculator, the minimum child support I would be paying if he had majority custody would be £50 a week. I think a packet of nappies is about 5 or 10 quid, and baby food is like a quid per jar. No way would he be able to live off child support, even if he had majority custody, and the fact he thinks he could shows that he really hasn't thought this through. More on the sister: She does have a "complete" family, or at least the start of one (husband, a kid, and trying for more kids). I think she's pushy about the whole idea of a "complete" family because our birth family was... not a great situation, so she seems to want all of our siblings (5 of us) to marry off, have some kids, and do right by them. It seems to be really bugging her that I'm willing to be a single mum and mess with the "complete" family she's pictured me having, but I am going to do right by my kid no matter what. Thank you :) • Honestly we didn't have the most stable home life growing up and she was really big on wanting a regular, nuclear family as soon as she could build one, so I think maybe our upbringing has translated into pushing/wanting this whole "complete" family as adults. • I thought that, too, and I wanted it to be true, but then she told our parents I was pregnant and until that point, I believed it could be from a place of love, but telling our parents about the baby is not coming from a good place, or at best it's coming from a good but naive place. They kicked me out when I was a teenager for no good reason, she's tried to get me to mend fences with them and I've refused, and of our whole extended family I'm only in touch with one sister (her) and one brother. Update 3 posted in r/BabyBumps on September 13, 2020 (1 week later) It's twins! I have no due date! And I'm panicking! I wasn't sure if I should tag this as rant/vent or help? because I'm panicking and it shows but I also need advice. So I had a scan today and it's twins. The tech said it was hard to tell but she thinks they're identical. She also asked how far along I thought I was and I said the number I worked out was 14 weeks, but I wasn't 100% certain as this was my first proper checkup (aside from my GP who said they'd tell me at the scan), and the tech said both me and the babies were a little big for 14 weeks, and that we looked more like 16. She offered me an estimated due date which is just the first half of March, then said that with twins it can be harder to tell, and that didn't exactly ease my panic. (though everything else looks good so that's amazing) But twins! There's 2 of them! And there's 1 of me! And I think it's just really hitting me right now that I have never been a mum before and I have no clue what I'm doing and there's going to be not 1 but 2 tiny humans depending on me who are arriving some time in March! When in March? It's a surprise! I have room for twins. I have resources for twins. I think I have the energy for twins. But I am terrified. I have no clue what I'm doing. I have 3 bedrooms, so do I put them in separate rooms or together? My friend offered to stay with me for a little after the birth, and I said no, so am I going to need to take him up on that? Is there anything different about having twins that I should be aware of (aside from there being 2 of them)? Also what do I do about this window the tech gave me? Is that normal? Are they going to be able to narrow it down at any point? I know I just got out a lot but if anyone has any advice for me on the due date (or due window of time) or the whole twins situation it'd be really great. Update 4 posted in r/relationship_advice on March 1, 2021 (6 months later) My friends have been amazing through my pregnancy/post birth. How do I adequately thank them? I spent ~18 months in a relationship that in retrospect was very controlling, and I fell out of contact with a lot of friends because of how my ex felt about them. My ex and I broke up, I was pregnant with twins when we split, and I began therapy. The therapist got me to reach out to friends I'd neglected. There were 2 in particular that I really missed and decided to reach out to first, "Lily" and "Caleb". They were happy to hear from me, and were completely understanding of the situation with my ex. I reached out to them mid October, and it's like we never stopped talking. I've been friends with Lily since we were kids, and I met Caleb at university, nearly a decade ago. My ex didn't like Lily because she's bisexual (as am I), and he didn't like Caleb because he's a straight man. Since October I've been talking to both of them regularly. Christmas rolled around and we were all alone, so I said they were welcome to come over. Lily and Caleb had met before this, but they were more acquaintances than friends, and they became friends over Christmas dinner. They, and a couple other friends, pitched in and bought me a mixer plus a metric fuckton of baby stuff for Christmas. Lily and Caleb then began coming over more often. They made a group chat so we could make plans together, they helped me put together the nursery, Lily drove me to one of my appointments, and when I mentioned in passing that I was craving ice cream Caleb showed up with 4 tubs the next day. These are just examples, but generally they went above and beyond the last few months. I went into labour 3 weeks ago, nearly a full month early. With preemie twins things have been hectic, and I wasn't taking visitors for the first week, but a few days after coming home they told me in the group chat to open the front door, and when I did there was a bag containing ready meals and snacks, plus a couple tubs of formula. When I began taking visitors, they would show up together, and one of them minds the kids while the other cleans. The only reason I'm able to write this right now is that they came over earlier, Caleb got both girls to go to sleep, and Lily left me a meal for tonight. I have a weird relationship with the concept of asking for help. I had to be self sufficient from a young age, so asking other people for help is uncomfortable for me. They know this, which is why they're not waiting for me to ask, so much as they are just showing up and helping. I have been thanking them profusely, but they always tell me not to thank them, saying that we're friends so this is completely reasonable, but I know they're doing a lot more than anyone else would in this situation. Which prompts the question: how do I adequately thank Lily and Caleb for everything they've been doing the last few months? Where do I even begin? Relevant comments: A letter is a really nice idea, and it would save me from just saying whatever comes out of my mouth lol. We have watched a movie/TV show together a couple times but I've always ended up falling asleep. I'm thinking about doing some baking in a bit, so I might make them some brownies. • You could name them godparents. I can't believe I didn't think of that. I will absolutely do that, so long as they're willing. • Although if you want to go totally nuts, you could ask them both to marry you. :) It's tempting, tbh. I mean we have been flirting a lot. Just not sure we're there yet lol. • They aren't together, I introduced them at Christmas, and we're all flirting with each other. It was started to boost my self esteem and now it's an inside joke. Very glad the girls don't understand what we're saying yet. • I think all of these except the BBQ are doable (I live in a flat, no garden). The brownies are done for the next time they come over and I'll look into flowers now. They are very into hugging, I usually end up cuddling up with at least one of them (sometimes both lol). Thank you. OP makes another post about people offering to watch her kids unsolicited. I couldn't include it, but she gives some information about her family in the comments. It can be found here Update 5 posted in r/Adoption on May 16, 2021 (2½ months later) Sister wants me to adopt her baby, who she has promised to our abusive parents. I already have twins. Is this a good idea? I have 3 month old twin girls. I have been no contact with my parents for a decade, due to them being highly abusive and kicking me out as a teen. I am not letting them meet my kids because of this. My sister is 3 months pregnant. She lives with our parents, and says she intends to continue doing this as she doesn't want to raise a child, but they want a grandchild, so the idea is they would all live together and my parents would raise the child while my sister was only the mother on paper. I called my sister to work out a way to get the baby away from our parents. She said if I want to take the baby, she will allow a legal adoption, but that's the only other option she will consider. The bio father is not going to be involved, so he doesn't factor in here. I have the money to take in a third child, and with a bit of adjusting I could make the room. I can extend my maternity leave to a full year (it's meant to end soon), meaning that when the new-born arrives I would have 3 months left of my leave to get settled. I am a single mother, but I have a strong network of friends to help and my job has been very good with me taking leave and my work entitles me to free childcare. Would pursuing the adoption be a good idea? What would potentially having 9 month old twins and a new-born at the same time look like? Would being so close in age affect the kids growing up? Sorry if this is the wrong place to ask this, but it seemed like the most logical forum to go to. Relevant comments about the sister, the parents and the adoption: If we were to go along with the adoption and my sister were to change her mind last minute, I would be surprised, and upset, but I would understand. I loved my twins from the minute I knew I was pregnant, I can't imagine ever willingly giving them up, so if it turned out my sister felt the same, I would accept that. There's a reason bio parents are usually given a grace period to change their minds, and I would be willing to honour that. I would only draw the line at her changing her mind after several years. My sister moved in with our parents voluntarily. She's in her mid 20s, and would have been able to continue living alone, she chose to move in with them and support them financially as she was concerned about them. If they did hypothetically kick her out, which is unlikely given that she's paying for everything, she would still have income and land on her feet, and when we were talking I offered her my guest room and financial support if she wanted to move out, so if she were kicked out and couldn't afford a new place, I would be willing to extend the offer of a rent free guest room and financial support again. • I have no idea what her plans are. She's 24 and was living alone before the national lockdown, at which point she voluntarily moved in with our parents in order to support them, but she could have continued living alone, so it was entirely her choice, and she can leave any time. I assume that if the situation becomes untenable she will choose to move out again, but she says that she feels she owes it to them to support them as they supported her until she was 18. I've said that is absolutely not how that works, but she is very insistent. • No. She says that she has to stay with our parents, as she feels that she owes them her help, and that if I were to take the baby, she would have no responsibility to said baby. She also has no desire to be a mother in general, so even if she did move in with me and the baby, she would not want to provide an extra set of hands, or help with any of the (3 total) babies at all, and I'm in a far better financial position than she is, so she wouldn't want to provide income, either. • If she got pregnant again then I have no idea what I'd do, but she's said she's certain she does not want kids and wants to look into permanent birth control after the birth. She is completely willing to sign away all rights and make this a full and legal adoption, where she is the aunt and nothing more. We would of course explain the biology to the child ASAP but she would never want to act as a mother. I'm sort of hoping she doesn't take me up on the offer to live with me, as we never particularly enjoyed living together as kids and I think that plus having her around the new-born, particularly if she's still in contact with our parents, could be a recipe for disaster. She could afford to live alone right now with no issues, so I doubt she'd take me up on it anyway. Update 6 posted in r/2under2 on May 16, 2021 (same day as the previous post) I might have 3 under 1 in 6 months time I posted this elsewhere but someone directed me here so I hope this is okay. I have 3 month old twins and my sister is 3 months pregnant. She wants me to adopt her child, meaning that when my twins are 9 months old, I may be adopting her new-born, giving me 3 under 1. The 3 month olds are doing well. We got off to a shaky start, but they're currently sleeping 4-5 hours straight, so I'm hoping they'll be sleeping through the night soon, and haven't had any serious issues despite being slightly premature (couple weeks). I've arranged childcare for when I go back to work. I'm meant to go back soon, but I can either extend my maternity leave to a full year, meaning that I'll be off for 6 months, then the new-born comes, then I'll have another 3 months to adjust, or I can go back for 5-6 months and then take a second round of leave when the new baby comes. Which sounds best? I have a 3 bedroom flat, and the plan was that as the girls got older, they would get a bedroom each, but if I brought in a third child, what would be the setup? Could they share a room? How long for? Would I need to get a bigger place right away or could I hold off until I have a little more in the bank? I really want to take my sister's kid in, as it's the only way to keep them safe, but I don't know if having 3 babies on my hands at once is the best idea, particularly when I'm a single parent. Could anyone in a similar position give me a better idea of what 3 under 1 would look like? I'm think I'm doing pretty well with 2 but a third child who is 9 months younger than the others doesn't sound easy, to say the least. Any advice (or opinion) is appreciated. Thanks. Relevant comments: Would the sister give up the baby for adoption?: She would not. She says either our parents raise the baby, or I do. I did suggest other options, such as offering her resources to enable her to keep the child (she says she doesn't want to be a mother) or asking our siblings to take the baby, (she says they are all ill equipped to take the child (which is true)). Placing the baby up for adoption was mentioned, but the system isn't great where we are (better than most places but still not great) and she doesn't want to take any chances. She says that she knows I'm a good mother from what our brother has told her, and she trusts me with her child, and if I can't do it, then our parents will. What if OP and the parents said no?: My parents would never have said no. They want a grandchild really badly, and this has only been exacerbated by me having kids that I won't let them see. Frankly, my sister has been my parents' lap dog for a while, and my parents can be very manipulative, so if she were to admit that she intentionally conceived solely to give them a grandchild that they could see, I would not be surprised. After that, OP makes a post about her job as a teacher and struggles with maternity leave. It can be found here Update 7 posted in r/BabyBumps on September 12, 2021 (4 months later) He's here I'm adopting my sister's son. He was born 8 days ago, but he's over 2 months premature. Closer to 3. The birth was meant to be natural but ended up a c section due to complications, but the c section was still routine with no issues. Doctor said it went as well as it could have overall. The doctor wanted to keep my son for a bit longer because he's just so early and they want to be positive it's safe before I take him home. However, because I can't begin the formal adoption for a few weeks still, and with the you know what restricting visitors, this means I can't even visit him. I would post a pic here but I don't even have a picture to show you. I've only seen him once, immediately after the birth. My sister is allowed to see him as the birth mother but she's only been once. I was meant to be able to take him home yesterday but they asked to keep him longer and run a few more tests. I'm either getting no information or incredibly limited info because despite being his mother and him coming to live with me once he's released, because it isn't on paper yet and I didn't birth him, they're not allowed to give me the same information that my sister is getting. I'm angry and frustrated and tired and anxious and while my partners are trying to calm me, it's not working. I just want him home safe. Relevant comment: He's about 10 weeks early. I thought a week was a short time but the nurse assured me I could take him home after that. Paperwork can start from when he's 6 weeks old but that isn't including the time it takes to be approved. The other legal aspects have been dealt with so it should be a fairly simple process but I still have to wait to file. After that post, OP leaves two comments on the previous BORU post providing more information: Hi! This is me. God, I go off reddit for a few days and go viral again LMFAO. You're right. I did, very briefly, try for poly with my friends I mentioned in the advice post, and it was fine for a while but ultimately, we just weren't clicking, not helped by me having the kids, and going through a lot of big changes in life, like starting a new job and adopting my nephew, a process which is still ongoing despite him being over a year old already. I ended up single for a while, and then met my current partner, which would have been about 7 months ago now, so yeah you are right on the money with this. • Hi, I'm the OP. To be clear, the AITA sister who shamed me for not appeasing my abuser is different to the one whose child I adopted. The one whose child I adopted is financially supporting our parents, you're right, and she's still doing that. However, I have reason to believe that her pregnancy was intentional. She's never explicitly said anything, but what she has said is that our parents wanted a grandchild, and she wanted them to have one, but once she actually got pregnant, I had the conversation with her about how abusive our parents were/are, and she then pushed for me to adopt the baby, a process she is still helping me with despite supporting our parents while she does it. It feels to me like she might have intentionally gotten pregnant to essentially be a surrogate for our parents, and then realised how phenomenally stupid that idea was once she was actually pregnant. At the end of the day, the method wasn't great, but I feel like she ultimately did the right thing, and I'm seeing a fair amount of shaming her in the comments here that I don't love tbh so thanks for sticking up for her. OP later makes a comment on another post about her ex boyfriend: My ex is a deadbeat who wants nothing to do with the kids because they had the audacity to be girls, and he's stealing photos either from me or just random photos off the internet and posting on facebook about 'his girls' and how much he loves them, how much he enjoyed taking them to the park or group, and is getting praise heaped on him when he's never even met them. The bar isn't even on the floor at this point, it's subterranean. OP also shares more information about her kids and her partners: I have 2 partners and 3 kids, which means that right now we're evenly matched. One adult per child. Feels pretty perfect, number-wise. The kids are also a bit of a handful, not in terms of behaviour but twin 4 year olds and a 3 year old who is turning 4 soon, they're perfect but it's a lot. There's also the factor that my partners and I can't have kids the old fashioned way, as I'm a woman, one of my partners is also a woman, and my other partner is a trans man, so it would require IVF or sperm donors or something of that sort. We might change our mind in a few years, but for now we're content to just love our kids as is. New Update posted to OP's profile on July 29, 2025 (almost 4 years later) Life update for anyone who is still here I lost the password to this account and didn't give an email, but I was scrolling while logged out earlier and there was one post that stoked such a rage in me I pulled out my old laptop which I haven't used in 2 years that had the password saved and got in solely to reply to that post, only for it to get locked as soon as I logged in. Then I saw that I have over 60 notifications, including one from reddit saying I have rewards expiring on 31/12/24 and need to use them before they expire. Oops. All the other messages are asking how I am, what I'm up to, how me and the kids are doing, all that sort of thing so this is just a very quick post on my profile for anyone who is still here lmao. I'm fine. Thanks for asking. Would not have been able to say that a couple years ago but honestly am now. Kids are fine. The girls are 4 and starting school in September and I'm just about holding it together because it feels like yesterday that the midwife was comparing the sizes of the foetuses to various fruit and veg. Annoyingly, though, my son was born 4 days after the cut-off so he won't be starting school until next year, which he's really upset by as he wants to do what his sisters are doing. I think he'll prefer being a year behind in the long run, though, speaking as someone with several siblings who was always grateful for that extra space at school. Love life: Boyfriend is gone. Not the father but the guy I started seeing a bit after the kids were born, because he also turned out to be a scumbag. I took some time off dating, and have recently got back together with the two people I mentioned in a previous post, where I referred to them as "Lily and Caleb". We tried dating between the boyfriends, but broke it off initially because honestly I had a lot going on, my self esteem was not great, and I felt like I was using them, and since I've had some time to just be single and focus on me (and the kids, of course) I realised that I really am in love with them, and it appears that was mutual. We're coming up on our first anniversary. Kids are aware and very happy. Job: I've changed jobs once more since I last logged in. Been in the new job for about 18 months, going well, pays almost as well as stripping and it's hybrid so plenty of time at home with the kids. Baby daddy: not heard from him. Knew I wouldn't, to be fair. He's dodging child maintenance but I don't need it so not worth panicking about. Did try and put a legal case against him but it didn't go anywhere. Again, wasn't expecting it to, but both of these things are good to have on record in case he decides to be a problem again in future. I do know that he's gotten married recently, and I hope his wife has full command of their birth control. Family: again not heard from them. I do get some news from screenshots my friends send me, as a couple of relatives occasionally hop on facebook to moan about how I'm such an awful person for keeping the kids from them, but it's keeping them safe so I don't feel too bad about that. Flat: given my rapidly growing family, I was thinking about selling. I even put it on the market and there was an estate agent bringing people by while I looked at houses. I felt awful about it because I love this flat, and it's always been a symbol for me that I can achieve things I never thought I could, and of the houses I saw, not many ticked all of my boxes, so when the flat next door went on the market shortly after mine, I took it as a sign. I spoke with the owner and our shared estate agent and we agreed that I would take my flat off the market, buy theirs, and just convert it into one massive flat, which solved every problem I had and didn't hurt my property value, either. Did take a while to sort everything out but so happy I did it as my only issue with this flat was space, and that's sorted. Can't think of what else to add (except maybe that my hair is red now? IDK everything else is basically the same lmao) but happy to answer any questions if anyone is out there to ask them. Assuming that most of the people who followed me when I made that first post ~5 years ago are, like me, inactive, have forgotten their passwords, or have fully forgotten why they followed me in the first place, but if you do remember me then hi, thanks for all the well wishes and appropriately concerned messages, and I honestly just really appreciate the support. When I made this account I had no self esteem, was really low all the time, and was stuck in a controlling relationship that I didn't even realise was controlling. If it wasn't for the people here who told me to get out of there, I would probably still be in that relationship, without my beautiful family or my beautiful flat. submitted by /u/Shelly_895 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/StephenMcGannon to r/Infographics [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/fuck_my-fucking_life Originally posted to r/AITAH AITA for telling my GF that we need to change the way we cook our dinner? Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease for readability Thanks to u/Lynavi & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: domestic abuse, property damage, past trauma, infidelity Mood Spoilers: sad Editor's note: the body texts for the original and update posts were saved before they were removed Original Post: July 9, 2025 I (25M) have been in a relationship with my GF (23F) for 2.5 years and she moved in with me 2 months ago. Our relationship is working out great, we rarely fight and even if we get into disagreements we usually are able to talk it through without ever getting agitated or aggressive. We both have different working hours, she works from 8 AM to 4 PM and I work from 10 AM to 7 PM. So everyday I make breakfast for both of us and she makes dinner. Now my GF likes her food a lot spicier than I do, I can handle spice but I try to avoid it because eating spicy foods on a regular basis causes acne breakouts, heart-burn and sometimes even diarrhoea. Now ever since we have moved in together and she has started cooking dinner, she likes to make the food spicier as per her taste buds. So almost 4-5 days a week we eat some sort of stew/soup which will have serrano peppers, some Thai/Indian curries which have a lot of chillies, even while making pasta she likes to add either Calabrian chillies/jalapenos to the sauce and honestly it became too much for me. I have had really bad diarrhoea almost twice a week, my acne is so bad that I have had co-workers and friends straight up telling me that my face looks disgusting and I take antacids/acid-inhibitors almost everyday. I tried to tell my GF to add lesser chillies/make 2 batches of the food or maybe add hot sauce to her portion. But every time she just tells me to "man up" and that "if I can't a little spice I should adapt since its not always going to be in my control". Last night after dinner I told my GF that we need to figure out some other way to make dinner which keeps both of us satisfied because I can't keep eating like this at all. Once again I was met with the same things she says always. But I held my ground this time and told her that I can in no way continue to eat the food she is making because it is actively damaging my health, and told her that I am willing to cook my own dinner from now on. She has been giving me the cold shoulder ever since and saying that I do not value her contributions to the household and that she will now have to do twice the amount of work because I am being a baby over spicy foods. Am I in the wrong here? Edit - I've been reading the comments and will talk to my GF about this once again tonight. Thank you all for your advice AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Quick question - if you are making a savory breakfast, do you make hers differently than yours since she likes spice more? OOP: So it depends, if I'm just making some scrambled eggs then I'll make mine and then add hot sauce while mixing her eggs. But I sometimes make homemade sausage patties and those I just make the same sausage mix. Then after cooking them I'll serve her sausage sandwich or whatever with some pickled peppers or stuff. Commenter 2: NTA. It is not being picky, this is regarding your health. When a person literally gives you an illness through his or her cooking, it is just right to say something OOP: I was wondering if maybe I went about it the wrong way or if my words could be interpreted as rude, thus I made this post Commenter 3: Ugh, reddit really would have us believe that nobody actually likes their romantic partners anymore 😕. I know it’s an incredibly skewed sample population just like how very few people who are happy with their sex life write to Dan Savage, but it f a partner can’t hear “this thing you’re doing is hurting me” and respond with “let’s see if we can find a solution,” they don’t deserve your love or your respect. OOP: After reading your comment I want to defend my GF so hard...but I can't even argue with you...maybe the amount of love I'm giving her is not reciprocated by her. IDK if that is the reality but I can't bring myself to accept it. Commenter 3: I think on reddit we as bystanders can be a bit quick to jump to “you should break up” because we see only the thing that is bothering the person posting and not the totality of the relationship. So I will just say, this is an area where your girlfriend DOES IN FACT need to change her behavior. She cannot continue downplaying your discomfort and health, and the phrase “man up” needs to exit her vocabulary yesterday. I’m sure there are areas in your relationship where you’re accidentally kind of a dick too and could stand to work on yourself, BUT, when you are discussing this particular issue with your girlfriend, don’t let her attempt to avoid accountability by pulling some version of “Well, YOU do this unrelated thing that annoys me…” That can be a conversation for another day. OOP: Absolutely, for ex: my GF loves loved cosplaying and stuff like that but I was never into it. I poked fun of her regarding this a couple of times (in hindsight it was not fun...just plain mean for someone who's passionate about it). When she called me out on it I stopped immediately. It was probably a whole year after the incident when I realized that I was being a dick to her. I think this is a similar situation, though I hope my GF will soon understand. I love her very much and would hate to lose her over something which can be corrected pretty easily. Thanks for your kind words redditor :)   Update: July 29, 2025 (nearly three weeks later) Update: AITA for telling my GF that we need to change the way we cook our dinner? It's been some time since my last post, things have been a downward slope ever since. The entire fiasco ended 4-5 days ago so I figured I'll post an update cause might as well. So as I had mentioned in an edit on the last post, I decided to talk to my GF about my problems once again. That night I came home a little later due to some work and my GF had made an Asian flavoured curry of sort, once again, too hot for me to handle. I had one bite, could not eat at all. I told my GF once again that I can not eat the food that she is making since it is borderline poisoning me. She rolled her eyes and just told me to fill up on plain noodles since she can't be bothered to make something else for me as she is tired. I told her that since I am anyways not eat the food she makes, I would simply start making my own dinners from now on. She blew up at me saying that if I make my own dinners then she would be forced to make her own breakfast and she does not have the time to do that. I had not even said anything about the breakfast arrangement and I would have been happy to make both of our breakfasts, but she was in no mood to listen. She ranted about the smallest of things like how I don't bother changing into home clothes before I eat dinner (I just clean-up, have dinner then get into the shower to get ready for bed), or how I get up later than her (she has an 8 AM job not me, I still get up in time to make her breakfast between 7-7:30 AM) etc. She ranted about all these things for maybe 10-15 mins. I asked her where this was suddenly coming from since she had never mentioned anything of the sort to me. She went silent at this point and just told me to give her space and that she did not want to talk to me for the time being. I just went into the guest room and slept away from her that night. For the next couple of days we did not talk much, each made our own different meals and stayed in different rooms. On Saturday, I asked her if she wanted to go for brunch since I figured spending some quality time would make us a little relaxed and give us time to talk. When we came home again, I asked her if she wanted to talk about what had happened the other night. Again she got quiet and told me to just forget it and move on, and that the system we had in place for the past couple of days was working for both of us. I was confused because we were now living like 2 roommates in a shared house and not like 2 people in love. I told her that this system was in no way working for me, I can't just stay with someone I love without saying a single word, eating different meals sitting at the same table, sharing no time in the house. She got even more upset at me saying that I was ignoring her happiness, and got annoyed when I said that I can't just ignore my own feelings. Thats when she dropped the words "Why can't you be more like 'Colin'??" I immediately asked who was 'Colin' and she stayed silent. After a lot of questioning she said he was a guy at her workplace. Colin is in a relationship with some other girl in the same office. They are good friends with my GF. They talk about their relationship with my GF and it seems that they have similar taste in almost all things like movies, hobbies, food, travel etc. Me and my GF on the other hand have about a 50-50 ratio... I don't have any hobbies as such other than I like watches and watching tennis matches while hers are cosplaying and reading. I work in a highly technical field (designing construction equipment) while she (and by extension Colin and his GF) work in a very creative field (fashion and ornaments designing). So my GF essentially has built up a mental image that Colin is in a perfect relationship because he and his GF have the exact same interests, and tbh both of them have much more similar interest with my GF than me. So now, my GF wanted me to become more like Colin so that our relationship can become more like theirs. I tried to tell her that all relationships are different and the only thing which matters is if we are happy with each other, whether we love each other or not. She tried to end the conversation saying that she is not comfortable talking about this with me, to which I said that if she was not going to talk about this with me, who else would she talk to? She just said that she was going to stay over at a friend's house and we would talk tomorrow and she left. At this point I was overwhelmed and confused so I decided to spend the rest of the day searching for good couples counsellors/therapists since I could see which way our relationship was gonna go. I woke up on Sunday morning and she was already home. I cooked breakfast for both of us but she had already eaten at her friends house. She started the conversation by saying how bad she has been and that I deserve better. I was a little confused because rather than apologizing, she was just stating all the things which made her a bad person. I told her to just come to the point and she told me she had been approached by Colin and his GF to "join their relationship as a throuple"..... I was silent for some time and just asked her to pack up and leave. She tried to hug me and talk to me but I just pushed her off, told her to give me the keys before leaving and went into the extra room and cried my heart out. She came into my room maybe 30-40 mins later, started crying after seeing me. She started cursing herself out again and saying that I deserve better but I just told her that her tears meant nothing to me. That night I got a call from an unknown number, it was fucking Colin. He started swearing at me about how I dared to make my GF cry and that he will fuck me up if he ever sees me near her. I hung up on him after telling him that he can have her to himself and I'd rather die than see her again. A couple days later while leaving for work I saw that someone had keyed my car and destroyed the plants I keep outside my front door. I have a suspicion about who it was, but don't have any proof so I'm not filing any charges...I will set up cameras around my property soon though. As for my GF, she has tried calling my multiple times but I decline every time. At first she left voicemails about how sorry she is and she just wants to talk once to get closure, but after I did not call back even once, now she is leaving comments about my past traumas and fears that I had talked to her about, even speaking about the multiple times she had Colin and his GF over to my house when I was not at home and telling me what all they had done. I am so disgusted by the fact that I wasted almost 3 years of my life with her that I started having some disturbing thoughts about myself due to this. I have been seeing a therapist regularly, also planning a weekend getaway with 2 of my best friends to Vegas for some chill time with them, slowly but surely I am getting better...majorly due to my friends, don't know where I'd be without those 2. I am considering selling this house and moving elsewhere due to security concerns and also some emotional reasons, but I'm not sure if that would be the right move. I am also worried that she might share my address with my family members (whom I'm on NC with, I think I added this in a comment too) so that is another factor. I'm trying to get an internal transfer at my current company since I like the working culture, but if that does not work I might just look for jobs in other cities too. I don't know, I haven't had enough time to deal through all of this shit as of now. My main focus was just making sure I don't do something hugely damaging to myself. Now that I've had 2-3 weeks to cool down, get at least some amount of control over myself, I'll start looking at the longer picture. I don't think there will be anymore updates after this, hopefully my life just becomes a little boring after this so that I can live peacefully for some time now. Thanks to all the strangers who helped me here, you all saved me from a disaster waiting to happen. Top Comments Commenter 1: So, I love spicy food, like super hot… and my (now) wife while we were dating said “oh this is too spicy for me.” I said “oh okay. I’ll add the peppers at the end for me next time” and did that, and that was the end of that issue. Your ex is truly unhinged, and yeah you should move. NTA on any level. She SUCKS. Commenter 2: NTA. Sorry for you. Remember, this is her issue, not yours. She cheated. In your house and then bragged about it. You’ll realize in time that she was so wrong for you.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

This wedding between my coworker Cindy and her husband Matt (both in their 30s, fake names) happened a few years back, but it still feels like a fever dream. Matt, who worked for another company in our building, and Cindy had been dating for MAYBE a year, and it was toxic as hell. Cindy had come crying to the other girls in the office multiple times about how possessive, controlling, jealous, and angry Matt was. He got a tattoo of her name within a few weeks of dating. He had a tracker app on her phone and would get mad at her if she so much as left our office suite to go to the bathrooms. He was jealous of her sons from her previous marriage. She definitely saw the red flags, so we were shocked when she announced they were engaged. I was even more surprised when my partner and I received an invitation to her wedding. Cindy and I definitely weren’t close, and I had made no secret of my distaste for Matt when Cindy had come seeking comfort after they would fight. The invite was very clearly DIY'ed, which was odd, since Cindy was a very glam, high-fashion, expensive tastes kind of woman. In Word Art font it announced, "Marilyn Monroe and Scarface presents: A Night to Remember with Matt & Cindy". We think, maybe it's an inside joke between them? Cindy has never had a particular thing for Marilyn Monroe that we know of, and though Matt does like Scarface, it didn’t seem to be to the extent to implement into their wedding. Obviously the wedding itself isn't going to be themed around Monroe (a real person) and Scarface (a fictional character)… right? Wrong. We get to the venue, and there are maybe 50 guests? It’s a decently sized place, and we immediately get the impression that there were supposed to be a LOT more people there. We take our seats in the ceremony area, and as the bridal party lines up at the front, my partner leans over to me, gestures to the best man, and whispers “that kid has a gun!” I assumed he was joking until I leaned over into the aisle to get a better look and… nope, that child is definitely holding a machine gun. Okay then. The speaker system then starts playing a sound clip of the “Say hello to my little friend” scene from Scarface as Matt walks down the aisle, wearing a suit that is covered in fake newspaper articles using lorem-ipsum style text. The bride follows, wearing a dress covered in big plastic rhinestones (think Cece’s wedding dress from New Girl) and accompanied by the song “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend”. After the ceremony, we’re all ushered into another area for the cocktail hour while the happy (?) couple went off to take photos. The bar is already lined up with pre-made cocktails, so I ask the bartender what each one is. The response: virgin strawberry daiquiris, virgin pina coladas, virgin mint juleps, or frozen strawberry lemonade. I inquire about alcohol, and am told the couple opted for a limited, non-alcoholic selection. Another surprise; Cindy isn't much of a drinker, but Matt definitely likes to indulge. My partner spots a little table in the corner, covered in what looks like thosr little dollar bottles you get at the checkout counter at the liquor store. Okay, alcohol is expensive, I get it: have the venue serve virgin drinks, and then add your own liquor using dollar bottles, cool. My partner goes off to grab us a few and returns with… little bottles of blowing bubbles designed to look like champagne bottles. It’s a dry wedding, which was not mentioned on the invite, the wedding website, or brought up in any pre-wedding convos with Cindy. I nurse my lemonade while we sign our names in the guest book (an old marble notebook that’s already been half-filled with doodles from Cindy’s kids). After 2.5 hours of virgin cocktail hour, we’re led into the reception area. Again, big space, set up for about 4 times the guests that were actually there, so there were quite a few empty chairs. The tables are strewn with plastic diamonds, chocolate cigars, fake dollar bills and playing cards. The cake table is set up nearby, containing a small single-tier circular cake, covered in a layer of plain white frosting, and decorated only with a single fake $100 bill laid on top. There are glasses of champagne at each place setting- just kidding, it’s sparkling apple juice for the toasts. Cindy and Matt make their entrance, and the DJ announces their first dance: Lollipop by Lil Wayne. Cindy's parents watch on in horror, stone sober, as their new son-in-law grinds on their daughter to a song about sucking dick. After that came the speeches. Well, actually there ended up only being one speech, by Matt, who used it to shit all over Cindy, saying how now that they were married "she had better lose her little attitude" or he'd "have to show her what a real man of the house looks like", since "obviously her late husband didn't train her properly". At this point the DJ cuts off the mic, but it's too late. Cindy's dad is up and swinging. A fist fight breaks out, and my partner and I decide that it's time to call it a night via Irish goodbye, and swing by a liquor store on the way home for some much-needed booze. Matt got fired about 2 weeks later, after he yelled at and threatened his manager over a poor performance evaluation. Cindy quit maybe a week after that, because Matt didn't trust her to work in an office building with other men while he wasn't there to keep an eye on her. Cindy filed for divorce a little less than 2 years later, after Matt trashed their house in a fit of rage when she caught him cheating with a 19-year-old. submitted by /u/GhoulKidRae to r/weddingshaming [link] [comments]

I am not OP. That is u/Constant_Barnacle992 who posted to r/TrueOffMyChest TW: neglect Big thanks to u/LucyAriaRose for letting me know about the update Original Boru 2nd Boru New post will be marked with 🛑🛑🛑. Original Post April 22nd, 2024 TL;DR skip to the bottom. I (m43) try to do my best to provide for my wife (f38) and 2 kids (3,5) as well as my MIL and would like to think I am doing a decent job. Over the years, I worked to improve our family’s living situation, not only did I complete another bachelors and recently masters in a STEM related degree, I at the same time worked 2 full time jobs (while completing my 2nd bachelors) and put my wife through school as well. She completed a degree where she could make good money (~60-70k/yr) in a healthcare field that always has jobs available. But with the birth of our 2 kids, she has since “gave up” on her career to be a SAHM for the time being. At first it was a struggle while I was finishing up my masters. Once I completed it, after our youngest turned 3 my career took a jump up and we are now able to afford our single income household in a more feasible manner. We’re far from rich but do ok for a single income family of 4 (a little north of 150k base+ bonuses). The past year life was overwhelming per my wife, so even though I now work 75% from home, I budgeted to hire a daytime nanny to help her around the house with 1 child while the other is in school now My day starts everyday around 530-6am. I get the house ready for the day before the nanny comes at 8am, I get our oldest up and ready for school, breakfast made, and plan out my day, bring our oldest to drop off, and be home in time to let the nanny in. My most recent task at work has me grounded for the next 2 months meaning I am now 100% WFH, while this is nice, I am busy in meetings all day as my role manages teams on a global scale as I oversee projects from my industry. For the past 1 ½ months, I realized… my wife as much as she says her life is stressful at home… starts at 10am. I asked my MIL and nanny if this was always the case after a week or so of wfh, and they both responded more or less… sometimes earlier sometimes later. My wife literally wakes up and cooks and then scrolls through her phone or shops from home… which brings me to my gripe. I am glad I am able to provide her that sort of life since we both grew up lacking in means. I get the possibility of postpartum depression, the stress of having kids, the feeling of being unfulfilled, the fact that I probably am a shitty husband… but for what it’s worth… everything is taken care of and then some. I manage the houses finances (she claimed she was too busy to do so), pay all the household bills, I pay my own personal bills, I pay her bills, track and perform all the upkeep of our house appliances/cars/pets/etc., and I also “help” pay for my MIL’s medical bills and car note. …but apparently my life is on easy street compared to hers. I can't decompress to her because it seems like she always feels the need to 1 up me. I had a bad day… but she had it worse cause I’m lucky I got to go away and work… My feet hurt from walking all day during work travel, which is nothing compared to her standing and cooking with a child clinging to her. For the past 2 or so years… I’ve been told I ruined her life, her opportunities, etc… but when I reminded her of what she says, she denies and dodges accountability. My MIL has brought me aside and stated she’s noticed a change in both myself and my wife. I have a greater attachment to my kids and hell… I’ve hugged the dogs and talked to them more about my life than to my wife. I honestly feel like I am in emotional survival mode as I’m one step from moving up the career ladder and one step away from finding love and comfort from the bottom of a whiskey bottle. I’m sure I’ll be hearing from the manly men of reddit about how I’m simping… but I’m not a machine. I just want to know and feel that someone I prioritize aside from my kids appreciates and loves me for what I do… I’m sure I’ll hear from the stay at home moms of reddit… which is fine. I grew up in a single parent/mother household. It’s not easy… and honestly with the help of her mother and a nanny Mon-Fri, for one toddler while another child is at school… Can you honestly tell me she’s having the typical SAHM experience? Because neither my friends or colleagues who are single parents can say she is. I’m sure the masses of holier than thou redditors will consider this a poorly written fanfic, but it is what it is. TL;DR Long story short, It feels as if my wife has checked out of our marriage… we’re only roommates where she can still reap the marriage benefits. I’m not asking for her to throw herself at me all the time and let me do whatever I want… I really just want to be told I’m doing good and just offer me some form of emotional comfort as simple as a hug, but I guess as the man who ruined her life, I deserve it. *Thank you for the replies. To add more context: Never cheated. I do work in an industry that has a large female population, but I’m literally an open book with work, name colleagues and staff under me, she has access to my work agendas and correspondence if she really wanted to snoop, but on that note she still doesn’t know what exactly I do for a living at this time… We as whole family her parents and mine have tried to get her to go to therapy but she refuses or skirts around the issue. Aside from my coming from a single mother household perse, my biological dad was present in my life. She has had both parents in a reportedly monogamous marriage for over 40 years. I have tried to talk to her about everything and my own feelings but again… 1 upmanship tends to be the trend here. What I am getting out of the marriage was asked… now, aside from my 2 beautiful kids, I’ve been asking myself that same question. We have a near nonexistent sex life mainly since last year. I always figured maybe it’s part of depression or whatever she may be going through… maybe I’m just not attractive enough or just horrible in bed because of my health conditions… I’m not some super model husband but temptation and opportunity does knock and I can perform still but I never give in, because as cliche as it sounds I honestly do love my wife and want to only be with her. I’ll give credit where credit is due as I don’t want to sound biased: when I say she wakes up and cooks she cooks for everyone in the house. Myself, kids, MIL, and even nanny. Aside from breakfast she cooks all meals and snacks. I typically fast until lunch time and our oldest tends to eat a small simple breakfast incase they don’t like what school serves that morning. She does load both the kids and her laundry… but seldomly folds and puts them up. I typically do my own and the rest of my clothes I dry clean because they’re work clothes. She does keep track of our pantry and fridge? But after she makes the list I’m the one who goes out and buys everything if not delivered. She does clean our bathrooms and house 50% of the time, the other 50 is done by either MIL or myself or sometime nanny if she feels like being extra helpful. Prior to nanny, my MIL was the main help for my wife up until she had unexpected medical needs. So I opted to hire a nanny to help them both, more so when MIL is having treatments and recovering. UPDATE 06May2024. Not sure if anyone would read this, but thank you for those who have reached out and chit chatted. While I know I’ve kept my newfound friends here updated, I figured I just update my post and keep it short. I showed my wife my post the following weekend and she read it and all the comments. Long story short, argument, she left our house to stay with her sister, and I’ve been a “single parent” since. It’s sad to say, aside from the goodnights to our kids it’s all pretty much the same routine. Nothing much else to say other than thank you for all the kind words of encouragement. ***just need to add, this post got bigger than I expected from a venting post but I’ve responded to a few comments. Nonetheless, thank you for the comments and DMs… and more so for the offers to let me ruin your life ha. It’s been the highlight of my day/night as I sit here drinking with my dog while everyone else is asleep. It feels depressingly sad that I feel that I have to turn to random internet strangers for some sort of validation in my rant. My apologies in advance as I try to keep this as vague as possible. I ruined my wife’s life… again June 3rd, 2024 I just wanted to update those who have been kind enough to check up via DM and comments. Apologies in advance for the lengthy post. It’s a bit of irony and coincidence that I made a follow up from the update on 06May2024 I made on my original post during men’s mental health awareness month but I could really use another outlet outside of my therapist. My apologies if this isn’t the story book ending/destroying of a relationship people were hoping for… To save you a read. Wife left. Came back like nothing happened. She made it about her. Nothings changed. I’m continuing to be suffering mentally knowing nothing will change while trying to keep it together for our kids. Lots of take out. The day after she packed up and left, my wife attempted to come back and take the kids with her to her sister’s. Naturally I was against this and thankfully so was her whole family including said sister. Not only was it not fair to our kids for her to sweep them away into a home that’s not theirs but to put that financial and housing stress on the rest of her family since she doesn’t work and her sister and her family (husband and 3 kids) stays with their dad in the house they grew up in. After a little over a week of being away, I guess she cooled off so she just decided that it would be fine if she walked in the door with her bags as if she just came back from Target. She came into my office while I was working and angrily stared at me while I sat on a conference call meeting with my team and I couldn't just jump off as this is a busy time of the quarter for us. I guess that didn’t sit well with her because once I took off my headset and closed my laptop she started yelling at me about how much I really don’t care about her and her well being overall. At that moment I couldn't do anything more than look at her and just shake my head. Mother in law came in after hearing my wife yelling and pulled her away, telling her to not bother me, while our nanny kept our youngest away from it all on the other side of the house. That night after the kids were put to bed, I sat in my office by myself with a drink as I have been doing for the past nights and my wife came in. We talked. We argued. We cried. We drank. One thing led to another and we were in bed. I wish I could say that was our making up but the next sobering morning as we laid there, she went on about how hard it was for her the time she was gone. Literally… it was about her struggles staying at her family house in her old room with her dad and sister’s family. How lucky I am to be able to stay here and do this and that and buy this or do that and not stress as much as they did. How easy MY and everyone else's in our family lives are compared to hers even though we had similar upbringings… My mind and heart broke that morning. I’ve been spiraling down since then and this last week I made another attempt to reconcile and talk things out, but I was met with a shouting match while trying to express my current stress and anxieties with life and work in general: Wife: ”... well do you know how hard this is all for me? You’re supposed to help me be happy.” Me: “So when it comes to my happiness, stress, needs, and overall well being… fk me get over it right? ” Wife: “ We all have our own problems, you need to figure it out and get over them.” I don't know who the woman I am at home with is but that wasn’t the woman I married and vowed to spend my life with and raise our kids together. Since that conversation, I’ve been noticeably distant with her. I’ve been sleeping in my office or on the couch or with my kids in their bed after putting either one of them to sleep. Still doesn't change her starting her day at 10am… and sitting on her phone talking to her mom groups between cooking meals with the kids in both mother in law and nanny’s care. Nothing has changed and I doubt that anything will change. Sadly, I think even if we got a divorce, nothing would change or feel different anyway since during my wife’s leaving the days seemed like any other day except with a little more take out than usual. My main fear there isn’t that I wouldn’t just lose my wife, I’d lose my kids in the process. So I guess it’s sad to say the grand finale to my story with like alot of men and some women I’ve talked to here, I’ll just continue to smile and suffer in silence. *First off, thank you for all the comments and DMs.Some context and clarification since admittingly my post was emotionally charged since I typed it up after another argument. * Post birth, our kids pediatrician’s office gave my wife those PostPartum Depression screening forms and during the time of both she scored pretty high and was suggested to see a therapist. With our second child she scored significantly higher and we or I should say I made an effort to get her the help she needs. She refused, so entered mother-in-law and nanny for support… I know what people will say/think, but this is one of the reasons I am not 100% ready to just give up and file our life together away. Also, I know silently suffering in the near and long run of our kids' future will not add to a healthy atmosphere, but neither would a bitter and hate filled divorce. I know some have compared it to the ripping off a bandage, saying it’ll hurt at first but that pain goes away but I’d rather try to spare my kids thinking that their parents ended up hating each other because of them or something along those lines. I’ve told a few ppl I talk to in DM since my last post, a little more insight on my personal life, prior to my promotion I was a PM managing teams and budgets so out of habit I plan for a lot of “what ifs.”. That being said, I made a number of contingency plans if sadly things went south. So, yes I: Have talked to a lawyer, 3 actually. Know our rights and what each of us are entitled to. Have a draft settlement created and on hold until I feel I need to use it. I know what I want and am willing to offer more than what is fair for our kids' well being, but also have a plan if we end up going to court. It’s 100% on me that I’m suffering in silence, but I’m too stubborn to just give up so while I am venting, I don't expect anyone to “feel sorry for me”. I endure it to keep the norm our kids know, ensure my MIL’s treatments go uninterrupted, and of course the hope my wife would finally be open to give therapy a shot and climb together to a better place. Thank you all again. I ruined my wife’s life… so I ruined everyone else’s too July 1st, 2024 First and foremost TL;DR: I’m done. Wife said I don't do and am not shit in front of the therapist and family fathers day dinner. She got served. She mad. She is trying to act perfect and I’m just waiting while taking care of my family (kids, my mom, and MIL). Oh well, I’ll just ruin everyone else's life too in my family Secondly,to clear some confusion… I did NOT get 2 bachelors and a masters while working 2 jobs at the same time as some readers are assuming. Bachelors #1 graduated in the early 2000s. Bachelors #2 via online years (2 classes a semester) later while working 2 full time jobs (job #1 hospital 36/48 schedule job #2 big box store 32-40hrs spread out 7 days a week) to pay for both my and my wife's tuition because she decided to go back to school before we had kids… After graduating from Bachelor’s #2 and entering the industry I am in now, I was able to work 1 job and get my masters. So no I did not get 3 degrees at the same time or in that close succession… and I am surprised that I actually have to spell this out as someone working 2 jobs while going to school isn't that uncommon, or at least that’s what I thought? My wife chooses not to work. She DOES technically have a job. She just barely works it to the point we forget she has a job, as in she worked 1 day 4-5 months ago for 8 hours on a Tuesday kind of barely works. Her job and manager is really supportive (Flex PRN model) and gives her a list of days they need coverage and she can choose to pick up a shift or not. While she can work more and only does just enough to keep up her license, she complains to our family of her career being on hold for one reason or the other although she has the opportunity to work more if she opted to. All things considered she has an available supportive circle around her for either decision she falls on. Our family, her job, and I have made multiple offers and taken many steps to open that door for her to go back to work, i.e. Nanny, MIL moved in to help, I work from home, her crazy flex prn schedule, etc. etc… but here we are. I am and have been in therapy for myself already. Aside from what I deal with at home, my work can be very debilitating in regard to my mental health as well as physical at times. Since I can't find the support I need mentally and physically at home with my wife, I’ve opted to attend therapy rather than find comfort with someone outside of the home or at the bottom of a bottle. I’ve tried to express this to my wife and as mentioned in my previous post...she has a habit of 1 upping me… and here we are. My Inlaws are still married, given the circumstances in our home, my MIL moved in to help out my wife, while my SIL and her family moved back into their parent’s house due to their own reasons. SIL and her family can save money while getting back on their feet, and my wife and I benefit from MIL’s help and we can keep a closer eye on her while she undergoes bi monthly treatments . My wife by means of questionnaires is highly suspected to have PPD alongside with a history of symptomatic OCD, ADHD, amongst other ailments that over the years she refused to get evaluated for or refused to accept results given. I knew what I was getting into and I love and accepted my wife for these flaws as she did mine at the time… Spare me your “ i don't feel sorry for you” or pity. I am like every other man who fell in love and wanted to give my person the best of me and the world I can offer… but again, here we are. There’s a lot of manly men/redpill nation guys out there complaining and saying I’m “simping” over my wife. While I respect your own opinions and perspectives, I will outright say, if this situation was only affecting my life… I would’ve left a long time ago. As one redditor said in a past comment that stuck to me, “I am the kind of person that will take a bullet for his kids…” maybe it’s in a different context intended, but to protect my children from any harm physically or mentally… I’ll take the proverbial bullet if and as needed. I’d like to think other dad’s out there would respond to the duty to protect their children, and that’s why I endured as much as I have. For the time being I would rather my wife use me as an outlet for whatever her problems were vs. our kids. Thank you all for the comments and reaching out. I’ve met many strangers who have become great reddit pen pals and some who have been in the know of every step that has been progressing to this point. I am surprised at how far this has gone, from other subreddits, other platforms, and even YouTube. Love me, hate me, say it’s all fake, no matter where you stand thank you for all the constructive comments and DMs to check in. Our kids and myself are going to be alright moving forward. Now for the update. The end of an era. This will be shorter than some expected, as really there’s not much to say but just satiate the questions some of you may have had and give people the satisfaction of the “I told you so” moment on Reddit. After a hard push from our family via an “intervention,” my wife and I finally attempted to go to marriage counseling. I’m sure many of you can guess how well that went. Blame. Tears. Regrets. Gas lighting. With a side of I am the reason for her life being ruined and horrible. Again. Just this time in front of a licensed therapist instead of reddit or mom groups. In the end, everything the therapist suggested and noted went over her head and ignored as it was against the grain of her status quo. One thing I guess worth saying was the therapist asked if she could recall when she last truly felt happy. Her response was about 12 or so years ago. Please note, 12 years ago she was still in her 20’s. Childless. Living with her ex. A vastly different time and position in life. I know it’s petty of me but I guess if that’s when she was last happy, it wouldn’t be that far of a stretch for her to find that happiness again since her ex is in the same apartment, job, and place in life that he was 12 years ago. Which is fine, if that’s how you want to live life, I try not to judge but in my 40s with kids, going clubbing 3-4 days a week is not my jam anymore. And of course… I don't want my kids around a mom and company who drowns themselves in Whiteclaws. To add, I know some will ask, I know and can confirm she hasn’t physically cheated on me but can’t confirm if she did emotionally (if that’s the right term?). After said therapy session I checked all her phone record’s and didn’t see anything out of the ordinary, but I also didn’t bother to check apps like IG or Snapchat. I know I'm probably boring, but shout out to all the Costco dad’s who’s Sunday Funday includes making rounds with kids for samples. The following weekend was Father’s day, and this year as expected not that big of a celebration as it is for many dads out there. Our family got together to celebrate with a BBQ and just simple family time, and my wife treated it like any other day. Sleep in. Get up. Cook. Phone. Shop. Attempt to play with kids. Phone. During said family BBQ my wife said she felt ill, so she sat around most of the day while the rest of the family as a whole made the experience enjoyable. When everything was set up and the family all sat at the table, her parents and sister’s family, my mother, our kids, admittingly it was a great spread, nothing extravagant but just a great meal for everyone. I was conversing with my brother in law about both of our kids' school Father’s day activities and I assume my wife overheard when I mentioned that it was a little sad to see some kids sit alone without their fathers during the Breakfast with Dad event I attended. She blurted out with a laugh loud enough for the whole room to hear, “ It’s not like you do anything anyway, I could’ve gone instead…” At that moment I was red and at a loss for words sitting there processing what she said in my head, while the dining room went dead silent. My MIL broke the awkwardness and in response said,” Well… maybe if you feel that way, one of you should divorce the other.” My wife looked at my MIL confused that she would respond with that and laughed mockingly in my direction and with her hand pointing at me said, “ …as if another woman would want a man like him? Just look at you.” while the room sat silent. I was angry, heart broken, confused, and embarrassed all at the same time. In manly man fashion, I just nodded my head in silence, stood up, and picked up my keys and got in my truck and drove off to get a drink while trying to ignore the cries of the rest of the family and our kids telling me to stay. I don’t know what was said or done while I was out of the house the rest of Sunday, because I couldn't bring myself to check our house cameras, but when I returned early Monday morning, the house had a completely different feel. As usual, I woke up around 6, got the house and our oldest ready for school drop off. Checked emails. Checked messages, nothing out of the ordinary. As I was getting dressed to leave, my wife laid in our bed snoring lightly. All i could do was look at her and think of what we had… and now lost. I’ve decided. I’m done. I can't do this anymore. I texted my lawyer that morning to move forward with serving her. Fast forward to last week, she was served at our home (reminder to people I had no choice but to be there because I work from home). She had, I guess what you could call a mini meltdown and came into my office screaming how could I do this to her? Her mother intervened, and that was met with me supposedly turning her whole family against her. But I digress, I probably would’ve felt bad if it wasn’t immediately followed by the rest of her week acting as if she’s been this active and attentive wife and mother the past few years. Sure people can say she’s making an attempt.. but she’s made many “attempts” and historically we fall back to where we’ve been. For those curious, I am aiming for full or at least majority custody of our kids. I already and will continue to cover all the expenses for our kids, insurance, tuition (both of our kids are/will be attending private schools come fall), medical bills, etc. My MIL has given me the courage and strength that helped supplement my own mother’s support throughout this. Basically she is what I hoped the kind of mother/wife my wife would have been to our kids and me. Out of respect for my MIL as well as per my own mother’s shared wishes, I will continue to help oversee and contribute financial help if needed during her treatments. While some may feel I should cut their whole family off, I know the hardships pushed onto a family while dealing with cancer and have dealt with it first hand as a family member and care provider on both sides of the desk. All in all, I’m prepared to go to “war” if needed but I just want a clean no fuss divorce. My wife has no alimony coming, so sorry for the redditors and mommy gang facebook groups saying she needs to divorce me first and get that “sweet sweet alimony money.” 1. We live in a state that does not typically enforce alimony 2.she has a means of gainful employment immediately 3. To help curb any possible problems I will cover her insurance and bills until either divorce is finalized or when she gains full employment. So that’s that. I’m done and waiting for the steps to be taken for everything to be finalized. Sorry it wasn’t as exciting of a story with plot twist as some may have hoped for but that’s life. Not sure I’ll update this once it's all finalized, which probably won't be for a few more months depending if we go to “war” or not. 🛑🛑🛑. I ruined my wife’s life… and I don’t care anymore. Feb 19th, 2025 In respect to the subreddit, I guess I should get it off my chest that as much as I don’t want to care anymore, I still do to some degree. Thank you for all the comments, messages, and to the handful of people who have become reddit pen pals throughout my journey in this matter. It took some time for me to update as between adjusting to my new life and slowly cutting ties with the past and moving forward for our children, family, and work has been my priority. With that I wanted to provide an update for those who may have been curious. TL;DR Divorced finalized. She took the money and seemed to have spent dam near all of it. Kids are good. MIL is doing good. Promotion, salary increase, and new home to start new life in the new year for me. Overtime, taking household items from my house, and combining incomes with her bf to make 1/4 of what I make a month for her (Yes, shameless plug. Don’t judge me). I am moving on. I have no interest currently in romance and want to primarily focus on our kids. THE UPDATE Since my last update, I’ve been under the scrutiny of our social circles and labeled every typical “toxic man/husband” stereotype that Facebook, Tiktok, and Instagram has to offer. As much as I hate the saying I kind of understand the, “you know my name but not my story” posts now. With that said, these strangers or alienated family and friends can take their opinions and go fk themselves because in the end, if our kids are happy, healthy, and flourishing under my “toxic household,” what’s it to you? The more important updates: We’re divorced. I have majority custody, and even though my ex is now trying to be the present mother whenever her now busy schedule allows, it is too little too late. My MIL continues to be responding well to treatments and SIL has now taken over where my ex was supposed to be in helping oversee her care. Post divorce, I recently moved homes and jobs and accepted the next step forward career wise which my company has been kind enough to slowly transition me into the role as leadership understands what I am going through at home. Interestingly it’s amazing how “common” my story is amongst my colleagues and network, I am sad/happy(?) to say I am now one of the newer members of the fellowship of divorced Directors and Execs. As sad as it may sound, it is nice to know that many understand and are willing to offer a high degree of support, advice, assistance, and guidance as needed. The divorce itself was quick, but it still had it’s sad and angry moments and many of the people in my camp think my ex got away with robbery. But the fact that I was awarded majority custody and per agreement have our kids (almost) every day and know they’re safe under my roof is worth every cent. While I had no say or real cares how my ex moved forward with mediation as long as she agreed to terms, I think the biggest slap in the face to me was how she delegated her boyfriend as someone to “advise” her throughout this process, because “his opinion is more important than any lawyer who isn’t looking out for my best interest.” At this point, the holidays were around the corner, and I didn’t want this to disrupt the holidays for our kids and family. While I was prepared to go to court, my ex did not want to diminish her “payout” and I just wanted things over and done with. I’ll leave out the finer details of the terms, but in exchange for having majority custody and taking care of all expenses related to our children, I would give her that lump sum she was aiming for with no request of child support on my end. She kept all her tangible possessions i.e. car, bags, clothes, jewelry, I had to sell the home and split the profits from the sale and foot the bill on taxes, gave her almost all our joint bank accounts after legal fees and to top it off laughably she argued rights to alimony, which she’s not getting. As a PSA, don’t rely on your legal advice from Facebook groups. IN THE END REALITY SINKS IN I’d like to think overall I’m a simple man, all I wanted to do was get married, have a family, and provide. With that goal in mind, I somehow got into a position where my spouse was able to choose if she wanted to work or not and not worry about anything outside of our family. How it turned out like this, I can’t pinpoint. I’ll admit I am a bit oblivious of what I did, but maybe it’s my own fault as some ppl stated and I brought this onto myself. Post settlement, I ended up downsizing and closed on a smaller but spacious house for the 3 of us and our dog, with a separate generational suite in our backyard for my MIL to stay as she wished to stay involved in our kids care regardless of if I was married to her daughter or not. Honestly, I made sure that addition to the home was available for her because I hoped she would be able and open to help until the kids were a little bit older. For what it’s worth, it seems my ex found her happiness. Luxury trips in a short time frame she wanted, her bf and her moved to a bigger place to stay (luxury high rise studio but still no place for our kids to stay), her bf got his dream car, and a long list of expenses and shopping sprees that kind of benefited our kids if at all in any way sprinkled in her social media accounts. She’s rocking Cartier while our kids are sportin Carters. My ex came to visit our “cute little house” to visit our kids and MIL and complimented me on my choice of home and that I was able to keep up the status quo of our home without her. I’m sure many will see the irony in this. I’m not entirely sure her motive or if I’m just reading too deep into it, but she dropped lines about how stressful and expensive their living expenses (rent, utilities, cell/internet service, and insurance) are groceries are now and how surprised it cost to feed her, her bf, and whoever the hell else comes to their home. I’m not sure why but she initially was under the impression the generational suite was meant for her use when she has the time and wants to co-parent. She is even more tired and struggling with her schedule now because she works a total of 48hrs a week and forced to work overtime at times and her bf works but I didn’t dig or care about the details. But I do care that I think she thinks I don’t notice that she takes some of our usual household staples and items with her before she left. Mainly bottles of soap she always bought for our home, Sonicare replacement brush heads and other toiletries, a new unopened bottle of the Mountain Valley water from the fridge when she visits, and I may be reading too deep into something again but sometimes I find some of the Instax pics from the fridge missing. Usually its just of the kids or MIL and the kids, but a few were of the 4 of us in the past. Although her Whiteclaw fund takes precedence over their home’s Charmin 2 ply supply, I try to be as accommodating as possible so that she can still be involved with our kids, allowing her to drop by our home whenever (if ever) she can (still work primarily from home so I’m always here) and keeping her in the loop about their activities and such. It was nice to see she was able to make it to our youngest’s first Christmas school assembly, where our eldest’s had speaking parts in the play before work. Later that week, I brought our kids to bring her a plate of food on Christmas day at the hospital because she has holidays to work. I’d be lying if I said that didn’t hurt or that I didn’t feel uncomfortable with the stares and whispers from her co-workers while I waited for the kids to excitedly give her their presents and wish their mom a Merry Christmas. Even though she was trying to be welcoming, all I could do was say Merry Christmas and wave goodbye from the distance as we left. This past Christmas, with as many blessings I have to be thankful for, it all felt so hollow at the same time. During New Year eve, I embraced my inner Pinterest dad trying to make everything as festive and fun possible and copied ideas of doing a count down at 9PM for the kids with a balloon drop in our living room and popping some fireworks as soon as the sun set. On that note, I should mention that I re-discovered my love of cooking, something I did for years while a bachelor with my roommates and the stress of a 4- and 6-year-old insisting that they’re mini versions of Gorden Ramsey and can provide Michelin level sous chef services. With the kids tucked away and asleep, I rang in the new year with my dog and a drink. Scrolling on my phone with the sounds of fireworks popping in the distance, I saw that my ex was living her best life in her new life snap after snap after snap... So, I made a mental checklist for the end of 2024: - self-esteem – almost gone. - confidence – hanging by a thread. - ability to open and trust anyone outside of my current inner circle and dog – nonexistent. - Hatred towards my ex and her newfound life – surprisingly gone. All I could do is just laugh a little at the snap on my phone. She left me, she hurt me, but she did not destroy me. We’re now 2 different people with 2 different lives and I must move forward for the ones I owe it to. Other than the connection of our kids and some immediate family we have no more connections and I really have no interest in acting like I was in my 20’s in my 40’s and spending half my paycheck on liquor because its Tuesday and New Years Eve. Maybe I’m just boring, but I can and only want to focus on my kids and ensure that their lives and future is the best that I can provide. Ensure the people and projects I oversee stay afloat and going in this economy. And last, but not least, make sure both my mother and (ex-?) MIL are taken care of in the future moving forward. ADVICE FROM WHAT I LEARNED. To the men out there, if you’re in a similar situation, don’t give up hope. But keep in mind, actions, records, and overall proof speaks louder than your words. It’s an uphill battle, but no man has to fight it alone. Plan, Prepare, seek reputable counsel and advice, and in the end execute. As hard as it may be, stay focused and be as objective as possible in these times, and most importantly follow through with what you say and promise to your kids. To the women, stay off social media and comparing your life to others. Just kidding. The first piece of advice applies to anyone regardless of how you identify. I don’t think I’ll be updating anymore but I do plan to keep this alt just for my reddit pen pals so please feel free to say hi cause it’s nice to have new friends. I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts submitted by /u/secure-raspberry-763 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal Originally posted to r/AITAH AITA to divorce my husband and leave him with the kid after finding out I'm not biologically the mom? Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: infidelity, medical issues, betrayal Mood Spoilers: devastating Original Post: August 5, 2024 I can't believe my life has come to this. All I ever do is go out of my way to help others but on the few occasions I need help, nobody ever comes through for me. I (36F) have been with my husband (35M) for a total of almost 10 years, married for 7. We had what I thought was my child by surrogate over 2 years ago because after 4 years of trying to conceive with no success despite medical interventions, it turns out I am unable to carry a child to term. I had always wanted to be a mom. Devastated is an understatement regarding how I felt when I found out i have a medical condition that would make it nearly impossible to carry a baby to term. It was even more upsetting when I had to get a major surgery to remove uterine growths with the hope to increase fertility and complications during surgery warranted a partial hysterectomy involving removal of my uterus only. I still had my ovaries so we started looking into cost of a surrogate. It is really expensive! My close friend since college who'd already had 2 kids of her own offered to serve as the surrogate for us to cut down on costs. After two disappointing IVF sessions that did not result in pregnancy, she became pregnant on the 3rd try and carried a boy to term for us. I was so happy and busy after the birth, between being a mom and returning to work after a 4 week parental leave, so I didn't notice any warning signs. I should have noticed the red flags and warning signs early on but did not because I was so exhausted from working so much at my stressful job and two part-time jobs to cover most of the bills and anticipated medical and legal costs associated with this friend becoming our surrogate. (I was the primary breadwinner.) My friend and my husband started talking more and I would sometimes come home from my weekend job to find her already hanging out at our house when my husband was there. I chalked it up as innocuous and it's good for her to know my husband better since she was in the process of hopefully carrying our child for us. I was grateful to have someone helping us have a child. I also thought it weird that our son has brown eyes when both of us have blue. Then I found out that while this is uncommon, it's possible sometimes due to many genes controlling eye color. Recently it all came to a head when I took our son to a doctor's appointment and they did metabolic panel and blood tests which showed that he had a blood type that is not biologically possible to have with me as his mother. (He's B+, I'm A+, husband is O+). Immediately I started worrying it was the fertility clinic's fault and that they'd messed up and implanted a wrong embryo. I started lining up lawyer consultations to possibly sue the clinic and looked into having a DNA parentage test done. The test results showed that I'm not the mother but my husband still is the father. I was heartbroken and angrier than ever, talked to lawyers about medical malpractice in the fertility clinic we'd used. Then my husband confessed that he'd slept with my friend (our surrogate) on a few different occasions during our struggle to have her get pregnant with our embryos. This means what I thought was our son conceived by IVF and carried with a surrogate, isn't my son at all and was in fact conceived the old fashioned way, which I can't ever do. Livid and absolutely broken at the same time doesn't even begin to describe how I feel!!!! I have been breaking down into crying spells over and over again about this. He claims he didn't ever think pregnancy could result because he pulled out and he had always assumed that he was the reason for our earlier struggles to conceive, both before my hysterectomy and during the IVF insemination process with this friend. I felt an immediate triple betrayal: from what was supposed to be my husband, my friend, and now knowing my child isn't even really mine. I had such white hot rage and delirium, I immediately left home and stayed at a hotel for almost a week before asking my parents to let me stay at home for a while. I admit I left our son with him. I am now filing divorce because he cheated and betrayed me in the worst possible way. I have also cut off my friendship with my "friend" the "surrogate" and feel afraid to trust anyone else now. I have seen a divorce lawyer to see about giving up my legal rights to this kid so I don't have to face such betrayal or owe child support. My husband and "friend/surrogate" admit they were wrong and keep apologizing but also called me immature and heartless to just give up on my son like that. My parents also say I can't just give up on a kid that I went through so many legal and medical hoops to have. When I told them I refuse to stay in a cheater marriage and I'd rather adopt someday with a better more trustworthy partner, they also told me I was wrong and that maintaining my parental rights isn't much different than if I adopted outright. They said it isn't blood that makes a family. They are all about me divorcing my cheater husband but keep telling me I'm making a mistake giving up my parental rights. Some of my other friends agree with what I'm doing, a few admitted they weren't big enough to swallow pride and care for an "affair baby" or to see daily reminders of my "friend/surrogate"'s betrayal every time Iook at "her" son. I just want a clean break and a fresh start. I'm also looking at relocating several states away. AITA to give up my parental rights in the divorce because a kid I paid a lot of money to have born by surrogacy isn't biologically mine at all, but the "surrogate"'s? tldr: I recently found out that a son that my husband and I had born to a surrogate (since I'm infertile) is biologically my husband's kid but not mine. My husband confessed that he slept with my friend, who served as surrogate, during the long IVF process so the kid is actually conceived of an affair between my husband and friend/surrogate. I am filing for divorce and looking to give up my parental rights so I can move away and get a clean break from the whole situation without having to owe child support for a kid that's not mine. Some friends agree with my plan but my husband and parents think I'm in the wrong to just cut off a kid I raised for 2 years. AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Relevant Comments Commenter 1: No, you're NTA! You've suffered a terrible betrayal. Only you can say what's best for you! Personally, I wouldn't be able to look at the child without being hit with the betrayal again and again. Your parents and friends don't have to actually deal with the situation. They don't get a vote. Your soon-to-be-ex is a real piece of work. You're immature? I would want to throw up if I was in the same room with him. Please get some therapy to work through this. Don't let these two a$$holes hold you back from living your best life. OOP: He feels like biological maternity shouldn't matter that much when it means I am finally fulfilling my dream of becoming a mother. He says that if I adopt someday, I am still going to have to raise a child that is not biologically mine. He has reminded me about what a depressive wreck I was during the infertility, the aftermath of my partial hysterectomy, and how I put him through the ringer because I was obsessed with wanting to have a child. He claims that I pushed him away with my baby obsession and he couldn't deal with me anymore and that's why he started spraying the way he did. He also says that I can't just turn my back on a child when I legally signed all the paperwork, which is similar to adoption paperwork since the state doesn't readily recognize a child born to a surrogate to be the couples child since they base it on the person who gave birth to the child as being the legal mother until paperwork is signed that transfers the rights over. He also claimed that I am going to have a difficult battle ahead of me trying to reverse that. OOP should ask her husband and the surrogate to reimburse for the costs of IVF OOP: I tried. And failed. The doctor and clinic I complained to said the IVF costs were associated with the formation and storage of embryos, and the procedures associated with the insemination, not the outcome. OOP responds on her ovaries/eggs being intact or not OOP: Obviously I have eggs if my ovaries are intact and they extracted eggs to form the embryos prior to inseminating! There's still eggs remaining there! OOP explains the process of the fertility clinic being involved OOP: The fertility clinic was just involved in the egg extraction, embryo formation, and storage of eggs and embryos. Another medical practice utilized the in vitro fertilization methods with the person I thought would be our surrogate. He did not pick the surrogate for us, it was a personal friend who agreed to do this out of the supposedly kindness of her heart since she already had two prior children and knew that she could carry to term easily and didn't mind being pregnant. Had we gone through a professional surrogacy practice, there would have been other steps involved and they would have found a few options for surrogates for us but the costs for way too high which is why we skipped some steps and a lot of money by going through a friend that we thought we could trust. Now I feel like I can trust no one. I don't even feel like I could try surrogacy again far in the future because my trust in that is broken. Commenter 2: NTA. One of the things that gets me is that you were working extra jobs to pay for the surrogacy which I am assuming included her medical bills and financially supporting her? I would speak to a solicitor about suing her for your money back. She knew that if she was having sex then there was always a chance that the child was biologically hers. OOP: Most of the cost was for the egg retrieval, embryos formation and storage, and especially the IVF procedures which weren't eligible for insurance cover through her health insurance. OOP on the surrogate's family OOP: She doesn't have a husband. She had two kids with a long-term boyfriend but they split 5 years or so ago. + She's not married. She was with her ex for a long time and had two kids with him but didn't marry. They broke up around five or six years ago. Did the surrogate sign legal papers regarding the parental rights OOP: The only paperwork that was legally drafted was for her transferring over the parental rights to us, much like an adoption in the event that there is already a mutual off-the-books agreement to adopt from someone already personally known. We were trying to do it as cheap as possible because we don't make much money and the costs that couldn't be avoided were sky high enough to the point I took out loans from the bank and then picked up two part-time jobs on the side to pay toward these loans.   Update (in comments): January 4, 2025 (five months later) Update... I'm low on time right now but will be posting a separate update post later... I'm not staying and I'm not caring for him anymore. I was not even offered a choice in the matter at all which is why I've kept telling myself I shouldn't want to, compare myself to men in a similar type of parentage situation, and have kept myself aloof toward the boy I thought was mine. I have no legal rights anymore no matter what because SHE fought to get "her" son back. I'm actually a lot more upset about losing this child than I presented in my post and I'm realizing more and more with each passing day. The choice wasn't mine and I lost. I posted that I wouldn't want to be the sucker raising someone else's kid as more of a cope than anything. She got to have "her" kid, he left me, and I'm stuck with nothing. Relevant Comments OOP explains about being the legal guardian in the question after the maternal tests confirmed her not to be the biological mother OOP: ...and yes, that is exactly what I've been going through all these months. I have little to no rights. I'm stuck coping with major loss. My best chance at still being this boy's guardian is to stay with that awful scrub of a guy, hope he lets me stay, and agreeing to let that slore of a "friend" have 50/50 and be the chump who still pays most of the bills for that unmotivated scrub SOB in the meantime while he continues to cheat. It also came out that she wasn't his only affair either. He's been cheating all along for most of the time that we'd been trying without success to get pregnant. So for anyone who acts like I'm "selfish", I "make their blood boil"..they can go fuck themselves because they don't know me like that and I don't have any real choice in the matter.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ConsistentOutcome8 AITA for pointing out my girlfriend dresses like a homeless person and insisting she gets new clothes? Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole TRIGGER WARNING: childhood abuse, possible controlling behavior Original Post - rareddit Apr 30, 2019 I’m 23 finishing my last year for my Master’s. My girlfriend (Sarah) is 20 from the same university. Her parents are abusive, and they all grew up dirt poor. Now, Sarah is very beautiful. With no clothes on, she’s literally the sexiest thing alive to me. The problem lies in the addendum “with clothes on”. She dresses like a fucking homeless person. Her clothes are all tattered with holes in it and worn out, they don’t fit properly, and most of her outfits just plainly look ridiculous. She would wear red on red and look like a fucking period stain, and she gets them from the local Goodwill because it’s the only thing she can afford. I’m genuinely embarrassed sometimes when she accompanies me to dates because I scratch my head thinking how someone so beautiful can show up looking sooooo ugly. My parents and friends have commented on it too; hell just last weekend when we went to the pool, my mom said “wow, I didn’t know your girlfriend was actually pretty” (it’s because she wore a plain bathing suit the whole time). I only mentioned the abuse thing because I feel like at some point growing up, her parents had to have been negligent to let their child leave the house looking like that. My parents are upper-middle class. Because I got enough scholarships to go to school for basically free, my parents decided to give me $50,000 as a graduation gift that I never touched. I decided, hey, maybe I should help my girlfriend look presentable. So I gave her a $5,000 gift card for Macy’s for our 1-year anniversary yesterday and told her that she can use it for a shopping spree. She was very grateful, but said she couldn’t accept it (she gave me a watch and a card, which I loved and am very appreciated of). I asked her why not and she said it was too much. I told her it was just as much a gift for me as it was for her and when she asked me to elaborate, I basically admitted that her clothes make her look like a homeless person and wanted to teach her how to dress and give her a new wardrobe. She actually got really offended at me and we had a huge fight. She accused me of finding her unattractive (which is absolutely not true! She just can’t dress) and told me if I just wanted a trophy girl to look at, find someone else. I tried to be as sympathetic as I could, but frankly, I was pissed off at her reaction. I didn’t even put the onus on her to buy new clothes; I gave her $5,000 to buy a whole new wardrobe, and she reacts like this? It was very inconsiderate over-the-top reaction, especially considering I’m the one paying for it. My friends all agree with me that what she did was over the top, but my sister said she was probably embarrassed in the way I went about it and I was being a jerk. I truly don’t see how I’m in the wrong at ALL in this situation. So Reddit, help me understand. AITA for offering to pay for a brand new wardrobe? RELEVANT COMMENTS black_and_shredded YTA 100% unequivocally LMFAO, you compared her to a period stain. The way you speak about her is appalling, but I'm not surprised by how narcissistic and egotistical you come off in your post, you fail to see why your girlfriend's feelings might be hurt. Take a step back, think of productive ways to address the problem, and stop acting like a fucking tool. OOP I didn't compare her to a period stain to her face; I was just saying that to emphasize how bad she is at dressing up and how bad her clothes are. I truly think the people saying YTA just don't realize how bad she dresses. I get shat on all the time. It's not like "wow, she should probably choose a different outfit"; it's more like "what the fuck; why is she wearing dresses with giant holes in it with tattered tennis shoes that don't get together". ~ curien YTA. Did it never occur to you that maybe she likes her clothes? OOP She literally wears clothes with holes and admits she has absolutely no fashion sense. I've had 4 different friends on different occasions ask me why she's wearing what she's wearing (for example, one time, we went on a fancy dinner date, and she wore a tattered red dress shirt 3 sizes too big with a skirt with polka dots and looked just silly. I get I sound blunt/rude in my post, but I'm trying to emphasize just how bad she dresses. curien So that's a "no" then. You can't imagine that she might actually like the clothing she has chosen. OOP No, she doesn't love dirty dingy clothes with holes in it. If anything, she might be too prideful to take money from me, but why would anyone like old tattered up dingy discolored clothes? She might like her style, but the quality of clothing is atrocious curien I know people who like wearing dirty things with holes. You've talked about what you think about her clothes. You've talked about what your parents think about her clothes. You've talked about what your friends think about her clothes. But you don't seem to know or care what she thinks about her clothes. That's why YTA. Any response other than, "I had previously asked her, and she said she didn't like her clothes," just makes you worse Edit: I got a few comments already that I only mentioned looks so I'm the asshole, but why the hell would I mention things like how much I love when she kisses my cheek when she thinks I'm asleep, or that when she goes to the store and asks if I want anything and I say no, she'll still pick up something small just because, or the fact that we communicate amazingly and (for the most part) never have any major conflicts, or any other non-appearance looking attribute. It just wasn't really relevant to the station at hand. Edit: I want to reiterate; I'd be fine with her shopping at Goodwill if she bought clothes that make her look presentable; I'm just saying her fashion sense is atrocious, mixed with the fact that she does tend to buy dingy clothes that tend to get rips/holes in it easily. She never replaces her clothes so she wears years old hand-me-down clothes with a horrible fashion sense so she looks silly. I know me continuously reiterating just how silly she looks makes me sound like an asshole, but I literally get people comment on her fashion sense. Literal strangers comment on it. She looks genuinely ridiculous and I don't know how to emphasize just how bad she dresses without sounding like a tool. Last edit: I genuinely don't think people understand the extent, so I'm going to list some experiences I've had with her dressing like she does. • The one I mentioned in the OP; my Mom when she said "I didn't think she was actually pretty" • I was hanging with some friends and some strangers, and when my gf went to the bathroom, a stranger said "it looks like she just came from panhandling" • I've had a stranger ask if we had a costume convention we're going to • On 2 different occasions, I've had young children comment. The first said "why do you look so funny" and the second said "why do you dress so strange" • I've had multiple different friends on multiple different occasions ask why does she dress so eccentrically It's not just me acting like a dick or being shallow. It's a genuine problem. Also, I got banned for I can't reply to you directly, but I will say that she doesn't purposefully ruin her clothes. I'm certain she's either just unaware of how she dresses. A couple of abuse victims commented and said it was likely beause they were abused and they share similar expereinces as my girlfreind. Her wearing bad clothes isn't a fashion statement; I'm pretty sure she's just unaware. VERDICT: ASSHOLE FINAL EDIT Next day - May 1, 2019 EDIT: We have since talked and the problem is pretty much resolved. Update is at the bottom, thanks to the few people who helped me navigate this situation! ACTUAL LAST EDIT: So I finally talked to my girlfriend (she's with me right now). Before I had a chance to apologize, she bursted out crying. When she finally stopped, she was able to open up. Apparently, her parents were extremely abusive, even worst than I originally thought. Up until she was 18, she only had one outfit. Just one. Her parents had a ton of very weird, oddly specific ways to control their children (like for example, they tried to force her to be right-handed because she was a lefty, or they made her take ONLY cold showers for "mental fortitude") When she finally got from her parents' control, she had no idea how to dress. So she want to goodwill and just bought a bunch of colorful clothes that looked neat. She had absolutely no experience in dressing herself, and she never really felt like she should asked (she just assumed 1 shirt + 1 pants = 1 outfit, regardless of the color, size, wear/tear, etc) When I pointed out her style was strange, she got extremely defensive because she was never confronted with this before. She thought her sense of style was ~average, and when in previous attempts I tried to subtley bring up to wear a different outfit, she just thought that THAT outfit was bad. When I explicitly said in general, her style was bad, she just felt completely embarassed. We're going shopping tomorrow and buying her a bunch of new clothes. I apologized for not bringing it up more tactfully and she insisted it was okay, and she probably wouldn't have gotten the hint if I kept being around the bush. Thank you for the people who (tactfully) told me how I was the asshole, and thanks to those who actually took my concerns seriously besides just completely dismissing me because they personally haven't had my experience. RELEVANT COMMENTS black_and_shredded NAH Fuck it, I read through all OP’s replies and edits and I decided to change my judgement. According to OP, he gets countless people comment on his girlfriend’s appearance, including Having people be genuinely surprised when not in clothing Had complete strangers comment and say it looks like she just came from panhandling Had young children comment (children are brutally honest) *Had many people comment and ask I don’t think I’m particularly materialistic, but if THAT many people are commenting about her clothing choice, something is wrong. If one person did it? Then he’s an asshole. If three? Then they’re assholes. But THAT MANY? I’m starting to think you may have a point in being embarrassed. You didn’t approach it the best, but that can be blamed on your autism. Being autistic doesn’t completely absolve you, but at the end of the day, you were trying to do a nice thing and just went about it completely terribly. I can’t in good conscious keep my previous judgment. I do recommend talking to her obviously, but you said you plan to later. Good luck; I hope everything turns out well. FINAL COMMENTS Whatchagonnadoowhen I think the responses to this aren't fair, just bc you didn't see ahead what some criticisms were going to be, doesn't mean that your responses aren't true. Reddit loves a bandwagon. I also don't think they're fair bc I believe you wrote your post more harshly than you probably presented to her, but Reddit assumes the worst in that situation. OOP I really think it's the tone I wrote it mixed with the abrasiveness/tactlessness I approached the gift which made me sound like an asshole. Ah well THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Like we mentioned in the megathread from earlier tonight: If commenting, please ensure that your comment doesn't break this subreddit's rule prohibiting advocacy of (or other support for) harm. See these live updates pages from the AP and/or from NBC. 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