Fidget Ring

... him, fighting the urge to fidget. Four years. Four years since.... On each cushion rested a ring. Xander's was a band of ... black roses. Xander took Wednesday's ring with trembling fingers. Wednesday took ... and clear. He slid the ring onto Wednesday's finger. "Wednesday Addams," ...," Wednesday said, and slid the ring onto Xander's finger. The rings ...

... does nothing so inelegant as fidget or so defensive as folding... terrified child that continues to ring in his ears long after...

... the altar, trying not to fidget like an idiot. When she... said. "Groom, please present the ring to your bride." Naruto blinked. "...—?" Panic flared across his face. Ring. Ring?! He looked down at his ... a noodle as a makeshift ring when, mercifully, a hand tapped ... meaningful. Sasuke looked at the ring, then at him. Her expression .... He swallowed and slipped the ring onto her finger, not quite ...

Selling my mom's wedding ring for a diamond fidget spinner (GONE SEXUAL) Share ave We need to pelt furries to death with balls of ice We need to pelt furries to death with balls of ice

Selling my mom's wedding ring for a diamond fidget spinner (GONE SEXUAL) Share ave We need to pelt furries to death with balls of ice We need to pelt furries to death with balls of ice

Selling my mom's wedding ring for a diamond fidget spinner (GONE SEXUAL) Share ave We need to pelt furries to death with balls of ice We need to pelt furries to death with balls of ice

Selling my mom's wedding ring for a diamond fidget spinner (GONE SEXUAL) Share ave We need to pelt furries to death with balls of ice We need to pelt furries to death with balls of ice

... him like spears makes Lee fidget in place. And standing on...." The hand on the second ring ticks on, uncaring of the.... Fifty-five. Fifty-six. Fifty-seven. The minute ring clicks forward. The light takes...

... a bit of a fun fidget. The only marks you will... light distressing from my wedding ring which I have included in...

.... It almost made my ears ring. Also, soap operas? Get some... "test" either. I started to fidget a bit. Running my hand ... fabric, I could feel the ring pommel, and it calmed me ...

... king's solar, trying not to fidget. The red priestess stood before... against the walls, drawing a ring of squires and soldiers eager ... head on, crashing violently. The ring was loud and sharp. They ...

.... I have a stainless steel ring that I found in a... since and makes a fantastic fidget toy. Never any fears of...

... ink pen - my trauma ring - my fidget ring - soft hair -...

... in red, as I love ring knives ceriksson, my co-photographer (and... couple of Cam’s 3D printed “fidget knives” for gifts. Buffalo Bones...

... slightly nervous. He begins to fidget with his four arms restlessly. ... command room. The Space Bridge ring (built by Bombuska from scrap...

... before I even reach the ring. For a moment I think... sword, and step into the ring. "You being out here in ... behind her and half a ring of Tallhart men holding the ... of us. She does not fidget. She does not seem surprised ...

下記で検索すると出てきます。 google画像検索↓ Square Merit Button Keychain HUAYUEJI Fidget Keychain KEY CAP KEY Ring キートップキーホルダー キーキャップ キーホルダー

... did his best not to fidget. "Through the door, take the... into repeatedly. Solosis' gathered his ring of little meteorites in a ... speed to slip by Solosis' ring of rocks and latch onto...

... of the Fellowship of the Ring effortlessly found its way into .... "Decent_Methane_Burner?" She tried, starting to fidget in her chair when both ...

... not slouch. She did not fidget. She sat with the poise..., sealing it with his own ring. It carried a smaller version...

... not slouch. She did not fidget. She sat with the poise..., sealing it with his own ring. It carried a smaller version...

... staff let me, a 9-year-old, fidget with an iPod and play.... I cannot hear the phone ring. I lost a few opportunities...

... the stone. "Lynora, do not fidget. Sit straight," Margot instructed firmly..., Ceryse first picked out a ring, one set with a large... muted sparkle. It was a ring worthy of a princess, but ...

Hey everyone, so my partner is autistic and has a sentimental attachment to this fidget toy. She holds it to fall asleep with and I want to find another one before it inevitably breaks. I’ve found lots of similar ones online but none that are the exact right shape, size, and colour (it glows in the dark). So If anyone has any leads i’d be very appreciative! submitted by /u/Prudent_Life_3796 to r/HelpMeFind [link] [comments]

I've been buying these things for like two years now. The cheap Amazon ones stop spinning after a month. The Etsy ones look nice but the texture doesn't really match what I'm actually trying to replace, if that makes sense? Like I need something that gives my fingers the same kind of feedback as picking, but without the damage. Has anyone found one that actually works long-term? Or am I just chasing something that doesn't exist lol. I'm getting kind of tired of spending money on rings that end up in a drawer. Also — do you guys wear them on your picking hand or the other hand? I can never decide. submitted by /u/Curious_Union_9252 to r/Dermatillomania [link] [comments]

Yall should make one for yourselves its very rewarding submitted by /u/Fidellio to r/woodworking [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/LeighBeeMue AITA for wanting one night without being woken up by a baby OR a grown man playing PlayStation? Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU TRIGGER WARNING: Neglect, sleep deprivation, burnout, and gaming addiction My(29F) fiancé (30M) has been gaming since he got home from work 8 hours ago. Oct 5, 2020 This is a normal occurrence. I went down and Nicely asked if he would come hang out before bed so we could have some time together. He said he just wants to game tonight. I’m tired of being put last in my relationship. I do everything for him and put him first. I think I’m ready to leave. But feel like I’ve waisted the past 6 years of my life. What do I do? RELEVANT COMMENTS Alexkarino Sit him down and have a full on conversation with him with what you need from him. If he's not willing to compromise then move on. But I'd recommend trying one last time before calling it quits. Let him know what's at stake before you leave. But then if it doesn't work. Make sure you really leave. Six years is a long time, but we all deserve happiness. OOP I’ve had this conversation with him 3 times this week. It’s like he lives on a different planet from reality. He doesn’t realize how excessive it really is. He said he had plans tomorrow for us. But he always says that and usually it means he might hang with me for an hour. Alexkarino Have you spoken to him about the amount of time he spends playing vs you and why it's a problem? OOP I have I explained how I need a life partner, not someone I see every 8 hours for a few minutes. I explain he spend 90% of his free time gaming and only 10% with me. He said he needs his time alone. I said do you really need 8 -12 hours away from your relationship and gaming online? Why are you in a relationship then. Original Post Nov 17, 2025 (5 years later) I (34F) feel like I’m losing my grip on reality right now and genuinely need outside perspective, because I can’t tell if I’m being dramatic or if this is actually insane. I have a 15-month-old son. He was a horrible sleeper for the first year of his life, waking every 1–2 hours, every night. I’ve been chronically ill since I was 16, and I’m a light sleeper like a really light sleeper, so at this point I’m basically running on the kind of energy toddlers get from a single goldfish cracker. My mom is an amazing grandmother and helps whenever she can, but she had never taken him overnight at her house without me because he just didn’t sleep well enough for her to feel comfortable. Two months ago he finally started sleeping through the night consistently, and this weekend is the first time she felt confident enough to offer a full overnight so I could actually rest. When she heard I had a Friendsmas, something fun but still low-key enough that I’d be home and in bed at a decent time, she offered to take him so I could finally sleep in my own bed without a monitor, without breastfeeding, and without being woken up at 7 AM or earlier like I have been every day for 15 months. Honestly, it felt like she was gifting me a national holiday. I cannot stress this enough: this night was supposed to be my one tiny miracle. Like, I was mentally preparing myself to cry happy tears into my pillow at 10 PM. This last week was hell too. My son had hand, foot and mouth and an ear infection. If you know, you know. I also just started back at work part-time, so naturally every time I tried to rest or nap to manage my chronic illness, my partner (36M) accidentally fell asleep on the couch while I held our sick baby. Truly an impressive demonstration of his commitment to the Olympic sport of Strategic Napping. And on top of all that, my partner games every single night after our son goes to bed. Every night. Four to six hours. To the point where I’m pretty sure the PlayStation and computer consider him an essential employee. I’ve tried everything to cope: a noise machine, AC blasting like I’m trying to recreate the North Pole, a fan that sounds like a jet engine… but I still hear the chair squeaking, the doors opening, the excited headset commentary, and the light show under the door that makes my hallway look like a budget nightclub. If I’m being blunt, I do think he has a gaming addiction or at least a loyalty to the Final Boss that I wish he had toward his actual family. So for this one night, this ONE night, I asked him ahead of time and multiple times: “When I come home from Friendsmas, can you please turn off the game so I can have one peaceful night of sleep? You can game all you want before I get home. And if you don’t think you can do that, maybe go hang with a friend so you’re not bored.” He agreed. Multiple times. Cheerfully. Like I was asking him to pass the salt, not temporarily pause his relationship with his virtual destiny. I went to Friendsmas, had fun, ate snacks, and walked in the door at 11:45 PM. Yes, later than planned, but I was DD’ing my brother and honestly thought giving my partner a few extra hours gaming would be a nice gesture. He’d been feeling off since Monday and was worried he might be getting HFM, so I went by myself. I even brought him snickerdoodle cookies because I felt bad he couldn’t come. Like a thoughtful idiot, apparently. He was gaming when I got home, which was fine. I didn’t say anything immediately. I got into comfy clothes, washed my face, and mentally said goodbye to consciousness. About 15–20 minutes later, I gently said, “Hey, I’m getting ready for bed. Do you mind wrapping up soon?” He immediately acted like I had unplugged his life support. “You ALWAYS get your way.” “I finally got into this game.” “I’m on the LAST mission.” “You ruin every game ending I’ve ever had.” Side note: I do not possess psychic abilities to sense when he’s about to defeat the digital dragon king. If I did, I wouldn’t be living like this. I asked how long the last mission would take and he said he didn’t know. Honestly, if it had been 15–20 minutes, I would’ve happily scrolled TikTok until he wrapped it up. But the last time he said “I don’t know,” I heard his chair squeaking at 3 AM, so forgive me for not feeling reassured. I reminded him that this was the one night my mom had our toddler overnight. The night I had been genuinely looking forward to for so long. I told him I wouldn’t get another chance like this again for a long time. Just three days earlier, after I fainted Wednesday morning, my mom had taken me and the baby to her house because he was too sick to care for the baby alone, and he actually got a full night without the baby then. But this was my night. The one night I desperately needed sleep. The one night we clearly agreed on. I told him he could finish the mission tomorrow, he gets gaming time every night, but I couldn’t just magically schedule another baby-free night whenever I wanted. This was it. He told me to put a towel under the door. Yes. A towel. As if this was Hogwarts and fabric could cancel sound, light, ADHD fidgeting, chair acrobatics, and whatever ritualistic slamming he does while gaming. He told me I was being stupid. Told me to go to my room. Told me I always get a break. Told me I was ruining his night. Told me I should leave him alone because I always get what I want. Meanwhile, I’m standing there crying and shaking like a mom who hasn’t slept since 2023, because, well, I am. I went to my room sobbing while the hallway laser light show continued. Again, the exact thing we agreed would NOT happen. He could have played tomorrow. He plays every night. I don’t get nights like this. And unless you’re a new mom, you do not understand the religious level of reverence one has for the concept of sleep. This night was my Met Gala, except the theme was Silence and Uninterrupted REM Cycles. After crying in my room, still seeing the lights flashing and hearing him, I went back out again. Eyes swollen. Shaking. Voice cracking. I said: “Please. Can you PLEASE just do this for me? I have been so excited for this night.” He looked at me and said, “Go in your room and leave me alone.” Then, as he aggressively turned off the game, he said, “There. You’re getting your way. You should be happy now.” Sir. My way did NOT involve crying for 45 minutes. Thank you very much. I told him, “This is not my way. My way would have been a peaceful, quiet night without a 30–40 minute fight. Without crying. Without anxiety. Without feeling attacked. The night is already ruined.” And yes, full honesty, by the end of this meltdown, after being dismissed, insulted, ignored, and gaslit into questioning my sanity, I snapped a little. I didn’t throw anything dangerous or dramatic. I threw the softest things in the room: A blanket… and my son’s Stitch plushie. Yes, Stitch. As in “ohana means family,” but apparently the PlayStation has seniority. It wasn’t meant to hurt him, more like a pathetic, exhausted exclamation point at the end of a very sad sentence. I’m embarrassed, but I broke. And here I am now, asking: Am I the asshole for wanting eight hours of silence after 15 months of chaos? Or is this actually just what happens when your partner chooses the Final Boss over basic human decency? Update Feb 1, 2026 (over 2 months sice prev. post) First, thank you. Truly. For the support, the tough love, and the comments that made me laugh, cringe, and then nod slowly in agreement. Reading my post again months later, I can confidently say I would’ve left many of the same comments myself. I also want to gently remind people to be kind. When you’re inside the situation, with your health and your family tangled up in it, the obvious choices aren’t always so obvious. So… here’s the update. Well. He’s gone. He officially finished moving out just over a week ago now, though we’ve effectively been separated since the end of December. After writing the original post, I had the serious conversation with him before Christmas… the this-is-me-trying-one-last-time conversation. I explained that I could never be happy with someone who stayed up all night and functioned like a zombie during the day. That I couldn’t be with someone who was okay impacting my sleep and not prioritizing the health of the mother of his child. That I couldn’t live in constant anxiety because I was with a man I couldn’t depend on. I even tried the hypothetical daughter angle, hoping it would land. He agreed. He said he understood. He said he would change. That he wanted to have a daughter and show her what she deserves. THAT VERY NIGHT…!!!! he stayed up gaming all night like the conversation was optional dialogue you can skip. I decided to set a mental checkpoint and just get through Christmas for my family and my son, hoping something might shift. It didn’t. I wasn’t myself over the holidays. I didn’t feel festive around him. When he sent me a picture of his wish list, all video games, I felt like throwing up. I didn’t want to buy gifts the way I normally do. I didn’t want to spend money I was actively scrounging together on someone who, deep down, didn’t seem to care about me the way a partner should. On the exact addiction that ruined my relationship. Yes he is addicted, and act like an addict I will die on that hill. To be fair to him, he did buy me a very sentimental gift… a breastmilk ring I had wanted, and he wrote a genuinely nice card. I appreciated it. But even then, I knew I was in “finish the level so Christmas isn’t ruined” mode, not “this relationship is going to get better” mode. However, like I always have, I was still holding that small glimmer of hope something would shift. Unfortunately, hope can be just as devastating as it can be powerful. Shortly after the original post, my health completely fell apart and stayed that way for over two and a half months. Back-to-back infections. Multiple rounds of antibiotics. A wisdom tooth infection (now needing surgery). Then a cold that turned into a lung infection. Looking back, I think the stress was finally destroying me physically just like it had mentally. It got to the point where lifting my toddler and catching my breath at the same time was genuinely difficult. One afternoon during the lung infection, hours before bedtime, I asked him if he could please take our son to daycare the next morning because I physically couldn’t. I explained that I had struggled badly the day before and was worried about safely carrying him and driving while that sick. I needed to get some rest so I could get better. He said it wouldn’t be a problem. He told me he’d handle it and not to worry. Fast forward to around 3 a.m. I woke up… again… to the familiar flashing strobe lights and gaming chaos outside my door. I got up to go to the bathroom, already knowing exactly what I’d see… and sure enough, he was still gaming. I expressed concern, reminding him he needed to be up in a few hours to take our son to daycare. He told me to stop pestering him. Told me to relax. Told me it would be fine. Rolling his eyes like my concern was unwarranted and “annoying.” It always made me feel like I was crazy. Like my concern about getting enough sleep so he can properly and safely take care of our son was ridiculous.I see that now, how much it affected me. How much I began to second guess myself. The mind games, even if he didn’t mean to do it he quite honestly thought I had no reason to be nervous he wouldn’t be able to get up. Even though it was a repeat pattern. If you played the original game, you already know how this side quest ends LOL. I woke up in the morning and knew immediately he hadn’t gotten up, because I would’ve heard it. He was still asleep. Would not get out of bed. I was sobbing. He would not move. I ended up getting my son ready and driving him to daycare myself, even though I could barely breathe and absolutely should not have been doing it. But I knew I couldn’t have taken care of him all day alone. That was my breaking point. I realized I was playing co-op mode with someone who consistently dropped the controller when it mattered most. When I got home, I told him I was done and that he needed to move out. I gave him a date to be out by. His response to that? More gaming. He gamed nightly until 3/4/5 a.m. all the way to the day he moved. The moving process went exactly how you’d expect: no planning, missed deadlines, last-minute scrambling, damaged walls, and a lot of playing the victim. I felt bad that he had no one to help him, even though it was his own fault for procrastinating like he tends to do. He hadn’t asked anyone for help or booked a truck until the day before, so of course no one was available. He asked me if my brothers would help him, I said he’d have to ask them himself as I would put that on them. He did, but they had plans as you’d expect being asked the day before. And quite frankly probably didn’t want to help him. It was like he expected me to magically change my mind. Because watching him game for weeks on end doing exactly what I said I can’t be around anymore was a convincing tactic to wining me back. But I was just… done. It’s been about a week now. I’m sad for my son, for the family I hoped he’d have. I’m sad about the prospect that I probably won’t ever be pregnant again or have another child. It makes me ache thinking about it and how he could have kids ten years from now because he is a man and it’s different for them. I don’t want to fixate on things out of my control, but the loss is real to me, and I’m very sad. I don’t miss my ex. That’s what has shocked me the most. I thought I’d miss the man I loved for 11 years, who I threw my time and energy into. I think part of me misses who I thought he was, but I stopped living in a world where loving his potential was enough. I don’t miss the noise, the mess, the anxiety, or the constant mental toll of wanting to rely on someone I just knew I couldn’t and how it made me act. I was always in perpetual cleanup mode and I couldn’t shut it off anymore. The first weekend he was gone, I slept EIGHT HOURS STRAIGHT for the first time in nearly seventeen months. I also realized that all those times I thought I was waking up to pee? Yeah. I was gaslighting myself. That was my body reacting to flashing lights, chair squeaking, and chaos… not my bladder. LET ME TELL YOU. Good sleep is a cheat code. I (sort of) regret throwing the Stitch plushie, not because it hurt anyone, but because I never want my son to see me that dysregulated. I don’t want him growing up thinking his mom is angry or miserable all the time. I’m kind. I’m loving. I’m excitable. I’m fun. And I lost that version of myself trying to make this relationship work. That said, it was also the moment I stopped minimizing my feelings. If I hadn’t hit that point, I probably wouldn’t have put everything down in words. I’m scared about being a single mom with limited income right now. But there’s also this unexpected sense of contentment. It’s amazing coming home to a clean place exactly the way you left it. Not picking up underwear off the living room floor. Just knowing what I have to do and knowing I can depend on myself to make it happen (or my family, my mom especially, when needed). It’s only been a week. I know I’m early in the game, but part of me already feels like I’ve leveled up. Maybe I didn’t defeat the final boss… but I finally stopped replaying the same level and expecting a different outcome. Like, come on, woman. The game wasn’t going to change until I stopped playing it. For the first time in a long time, I feel lighter. I don’t know exactly what comes next, but I know this isn’t wrong and life isn’t suppose to be lived on hard mode all the time, and that’s enough for now. TL;DR: Tried co-op parenting, kept carrying the whole team. After months of illness and zero follow-through, I ended the level. He moved out, and I finally feel lighter. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I'm looking to get a fidget ring that I can wear normally on my finger. I know there’s a lot of options out there (Laurie mechanic I, project ratchet ring, acedc mechanical ring: zero, and more). I wanna know what people’s favorite ones are. I’m optimizing for max satisfying fidget feeling (can be soft or loud) and also ideally looks good to wear as a normal ring. Thanks in advance! submitted by /u/blackjack95129 to r/fidgettoys [link] [comments]

Yes, it’s that time again - our quarterly fidget ring request thread. I've started a new job and like clockwork, my poor fingers are extra shredded. It's an executive position so I need a fidget ring recommendation that is: *Quality - preferably something that doesn't look like it was bought at Claire's. *Lasts - If it's quality, it's most likely in the more expensive side and I would like for it to last. I've broken cheap rings before by playing with it too much. *Has character - preferably unique, maybe even nerdy. I like to show my personality, but nothing too flashy. *Bonus points if you've personally bought it and it's lasted for more than a year! I've looked through previous posts but most of them had poor reviews when I dug deeper. Does anyone have any new recommendations or is their a tried and true company I missed? Thanks in advance! submitted by /u/TheLittleDeath to r/adhdwomen [link] [comments]

Accidentally left a ring on my keyboard after fidgeting and shut it. I didn’t even shut it that hard either, and when I opened it again I was shocked to see this. Currently 17 years old and I have a part time job (I'm on very fixed hours, and I have too much schooling, so I can't get a full time job) but I pay for all of my own things (ballet expenses, car expenses, and other daily stuff) which wipes out all of my paycheck. I can't afford to replace it or repair it, and my mom is hemorrhaging money from bills and other new expenses so she can't either. They quoted me an insane amount, and replacing it is double. This is the only way for me to do my schoolwork (I do online school) and manage all my other things, so I'm royally screwed. Edit: Yes, I've tried plugging it into an external monitor but the only way I can is if you manually hit "connect to ____" on the screen that I currently cannot see, thanks to all the folks though that gave me the advice 🫶🏻 submitted by /u/evie-9v to r/Wellthatsucks [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/Kind-Tumbleweed5715 to r/AskReddit [link] [comments]

Disclosure: No incentive was received for this purchase or review. Seller: Funny Total Price Paid: 11,800 CNY (approx. $1,625 USD) for both items + shipping. Payment method: PayPal Shipping carrier / method: To US, then UPS to doorstep. Transit Time: 5 days (Shipped 11/21, Received 11/26) Timeline: * 10/26: Placed order for both pieces. * 11/17: Received PSPs for the bracelet (Approved immediately). * 11/20: Received PSPs for the ring (Approved immediately). * 11/21: Tracking number received. * 11/26: Package arrived. PHOTOS: My Photos: https://imgur.com/a/GBzqTa6 PSPs: https://imgur.com/a/sZWeVSH Quality numeric rating and assessment: 10/10 Justification: The quality is genuinely impressive. I went with Lab Diamonds to save some money, and they are super crisp and sparkly. * The Ring: It has a serious luxury weight to it; it doesn't feel hollow or tinny. The diamonds inside the track glide back and forth like butter—no getting stuck, which was my main worry. * The Bracelet: The chain is delicate but feels strong enough that I’m not scared to wear it daily. The clasp is secure and the diamonds are clear and bright. * The Gold: I’m super picky about yellow gold looking too "cheddar" or brassy, but these match my authentic Cartier stack perfectly. Pros: The accuracy of the "Move" mechanism on the ring is the biggest pro. It functions exactly like the authentic version. The "MESSIKA" engraving inside the ring is deep and clean, not faint or messy like some cheap reps. Cons: None. Satisfaction numeric rating and assessment: 10/10 Justification: I am legitimately obsessed. The ring has become my emotional support jewelry it’s the ultimate fidget toy because I just play with the sliding diamonds during meetings. The bracelet is the perfect layering piece; it sits nice and flat on the wrist and doesn't flip around constantly. I feel like these pieces add such a cool, modern edge to my stack without clashing with my Love bracelets. Service and/or Communication numeric rating and assessment: 10/10 Justification: Funny is super busy, so she isn't instant with replies, but she normally gets back to me within about 24 hours. The service was fine and exactly what I expect from her at this point….she gets the job done and the quality is there. submitted by /u/OneDayAtATimeYall to r/JewelryReps [link] [comments]

Hi! Someone told me I should post my work here :) It has a fish, and the square bezel really does look a bit like a sardine-can lid :))) This is micro mosaic made from smalt (mosaic glass). I cut all the tiny pieces by hand. The setting is a spinner — it rotates, and you can also wear it on a chain as a pendant. submitted by /u/disajewelry to r/CannedSardines [link] [comments]

For a long time, I resisted the idea of sealing the miniature under glass — it just didn’t feel right. But when I learned sapphire crystal, I started to revisit the thought. And eventually, I found the way to make it mine. submitted by /u/disajewelry to r/crafts [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/whimsicallygrey Creepy pizza delivery guy Originally posted to r/creepyencounters TRIGGER WARNING: Stalking, obsessive behavior Original Post Feb 13, 2023 So me and my boyfriend like going out dancing on the weekend, which always ends with us stumbling into our favourite pizza place before joining the taxi queue. We’ve done this most weekends for over a year now, so have become somewhat friendly with the guys who own the pizzeria. They know us by name and always make a big fuss over us and offer us discount every time. Now here’s where it gets freaky: last night, a Sunday night, at 11pm, my boyfriend and I were in bed because we both had work this morning. My phone started ringing which was weird for that time of night, and I saw it was an unknown number so ignored it. Next thing we know there’s someone knocking on the front door. All the lights in the house were off so we were clearly in bed or not in. I had another call from the same number and then the person knocking started hammering on the door and flicking the letter box. My boyfriend got up to answer it even though I was a bit shaken up and warned him not to. (If I had been alone in the house I never would’ve answered.) So he goes downstairs to answer the door and low and behold it’s one of the guys from the pizzeria holding 2 freshly cooked pizzas that we didn’t order. He said not to tell the other guys at the shop, but they were a gift from him to us, his favourite customers. My boyfriend took them from him and thanked him but we couldn’t get back to sleep for hours. We just felt so odd about it. We have ordered from there once for a takeaway so that’s clearly how he got our address and my phone number, but it’s still weird right? RELEVANT COMMENTS [deleted] Weird! I wonder if he thought you'd be home alone? Which is a scary thought. I had a weird pizza delivery encounter a couple years ago. I answered the door and he fidgeted longer than needed to hand me the pizza. He didn't say anything but Idk he gave me a weird feeling, and I even said it to my roommate when I came back in. Minutes later he requests me on Facebook which creeped me the fuck out. I decided to google his name and look at his dockets (I'm a nosey bitch anyway but had to find out his deal) and the first search result is a news article about him impersonating a police officer and kidnapping someone! He had charges before that for harassment too. So now I'm a little paranoid. I think like a week later I'm pumping gas and I look over and he's at the red light just staring me down. Nothing further happened, I don't think he worked there that long. But I definitely should have said something to the pizza place because someone with that record should not be a delivery driver. I'm not saying he shouldn't work, he can cook the pizza.. but like he shouldn't have access to people's info and going to their homes. I would maybe let the manager know, or maybe your bf could talk to them. Either way I'd keep alert because he came after hours, who knows if he'll do it again. OOP Wow that’s so creepy! I know what you mean about the weird feeling. You should always trust your gut. I’m glad nothing else untoward happened to you. They definitely shouldn’t have someone like that be able to access customer information. I wonder how often these things get over looked. It’s a scary thought. My boyfriend is going to have a word with the manager next time we’re in town. If it had been earlier in the day and he had said it was a cancelled order or something, it probably wouldn’t have been so weird, but to be out so late and literally knock us awake just to give us 2 pizzas that we didn’t order is so freaky. ~ PracticalSong4452 That's very strange. It seems to be a very odd time to be delivering pizzas to your house. Maybe he thought you didn't live with your boyfriend. My guess is that he got off work and wanted to bring you the pizzas and was hoping that you would invite him in. "He said not to tell the other guys at the shop" seems suspicious as well. He knows that what he's doing isn't professional so he's keeping his co-workers from finding out. I think you could call the manager and tell him what happened. That delivery guy shouldn't have access to your personal contact information and coming to your house late at night. I'm glad your boyfriend answered that door and you were safe upstairs. OOP That’s such a scary thought. He has delivered to our house before when I was alone so it makes sense he was ‘checking’ to see if I lived alone. That’s pretty freaky. ~ Life_Is_But_A_Dream Hopefully you didn’t eat those pizzas either. You never know what he may have put on them. There was a news story in 2015 about a man who was repeatedly ejaculating into his female coworker’s coffee because he was attracted to her. Beating on your door in the middle of the night and calling persistently shows the pizza guy is a whacko. I hope you tossed those pizzas in the trash bin. OOP And yepp, the pizzas went in the bin the next morning Creepy pizza guy — Update Jan 7, 2025 (2 years later) I wrote a post a while back about a creepy pizza delivery guy who turned up at my house late at night with pizzas for me that I didn’t order. You can read it here: https://www.reddit.com/r/creepyencounters/s/pDKYyhyliC So I thought I’d provide an update for everyone who wanted one! After the night the guy (I’ll call him Bill for now) turned up at our house, me and my partner went out for drinks a couple weeks later and ended up in the pizza shop. We noticed immediately that Bill wasn’t there, and I assumed that he was out on a delivery instead. Before we left though, the manager came out of the back and said hello, and then apologised profusely about Bill’s behaviour, and told us that he fired him. He was very thankful that we weren’t boycotting the place, and I assured him we wouldn’t because it really was the best pizza around. I’m not sure how the manager found out about Bill bringing the pizzas to our house, but I informed the manager about everything else that happened that night, how late it was, Bill calling my phone ect. And Manager was furious to say the least. He assured us that he wouldn’t be letting him work there again and my partner and I went on our way and went home. A few months later, we moved house (unrelated to Bill) and never heard from him again. UNTIL he showed up one night at our new house. He was delivering food for Uber eats. I didn’t want to take it further because we hadn’t heard or seen him in months, so we just left it alone and went about our life. But then, about a month ago, I was going through my message requests on Facebook, and I saw that someone called Bill had been messaging me (or trying to) for months. I went into the messages and clicked his profile and lo and behold it was Creepy Bill. I blocked him immediately and that was when I decided I’d report him on Uber eats. So I filed a complaint about him and I haven’t heard anything since. But yeah. I’ve no idea how he found me on Facebook or how he knew my surname but he did, and tried to message me for months. So there’s the update! Creepy stuff. 😳. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

It sounds a bit loud on this video, but is actually pretty quiet. I use it in the office all the time. submitted by /u/No-Range-668 to r/fidgettoys [link] [comments]

So I have been trying so many fidget things to try and help distract my hands from picking and nothing really has helped till this ring by CONQUERing! This is not an ad but a genuine recommendation cause this really delivers a lovely tactile click that kind of reminds my brain of the weird tactile picky feeling i need! Its not the same of course but wow its saving my skin! And i keep it sideways on my index finger, so its always there when i have the urge. If i feel like picking i make myself click it in and out a few times and it really helps! I got mine on sale recently on their website!! id post a video of how i use it but i dont seem to be allowed that option on here lol!! But i put a link if anyone wants to check it out. submitted by /u/gvmmy to r/CompulsiveSkinPicking [link] [comments]

I am not OP. That is u/prankthrowaway5780 who posted to r/AmItheAsshole and their own page TW: home invasion, murder, death of a parent, death of a pet, emotional abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, domestic abuse, threats, verbal abuse Mood spoiler: depressing but hopeful for OP Original boru Original Post Oct 14th, 2021 AITA for yelling at and ignoring my girlfriend over a prank? I’ve (22M) been with Nicole (25F) for a couple years now and she’s always liked survival stuff and weaponry and all that. I absolutely don’t. Really, really bad experiences with knives when I was younger, and Nicole knows about them. We both love Halloween and usually throw a party and dress up and goof around, cook up pumpkin seeds and watch movies. Anyway the point is Nicole loves doing tricks with her knives (like five finger fillet, flicking it open and closed, twirling it etc) and she’ll do it when we’re watching a show or movie together - forgetting that I’ve asked her please not to. Or she’ll buy a new one and show it off, asking if I wanted to give it first bite(??) and pout when I say no. Two days ago she was playing with it again and I asked her why she keeps forgetting and she said “wow okay don’t insult my intelligence again” and then that it was just a knife and therefore not a big deal and therefore not that important to remember. After that, she put away the knife and we continued to have an okay night, but I was on edge and jumpy whenever she touched me. Yesterday she called me into the kitchen. Only she was playing five finger filet... and I startled her and she “messed up”. Badly. I lost my cool. Screamed my head off, tried shouting what I knew about first aid at her while I raced to grab my phone, complete panic, dialing 911, only for her start laughing and show me that it was a “prank” involving red food dye and a carrot. She had a nice laugh about how I would have known it was a joke if I wasn’t so squeamish about knives, that it’s proof I need to get more comfortable, that anyone with passing knowledge knows that it doesn’t look like that when something like that happens. She kept explaining how she did it, how she practiced, how she could show me, but I didn’t even answer her, it was like my head was underwater and my heart was beating out of my chest. Just moved on autopilot and grabbed my keys and drove a few blocks away before pulling over to breath. Nicole tried to call me and the first thing I said was “it wasn’t funny at all”, and she asked “are you crying?” Then I hung up on her. She kept texting me, saying she was sorry, that she didn’t think I’d react so badly to a joke, that it was just meant to be good fun in the Halloween spirit. I ignored her. I texted her after that I was home but ignored everything else. This morning she sent the picture of the props to the group chat with a few of our mutual friends, and they chimed in saying “It doesn’t even look real”. I’ve muted the chat since and I’m wondering if I have a leg to stand on before I go back and apologize. Edit 10/15 5:30pm Further update here:here It’s... overwhelming how much of a response this got, and I tried to read all of your comments. Some of them made me laugh, some warmed my heart, others had very hard truths that I still needed to hear, no matter how raw it left me. There are a lot of repeating questions and assumptions. First: we don’t live together. At this point I don’t think we ever will. Second: I stayed primarily because the good seemed to outweigh the bad. You remember the negatives more than the positive, so obviously I just had to remember her positive qualities instead of being swayed by my focus on the bad times. Plus it was always almost perfect after we had a fight, and I just assumed the boom and bust cycle was normal. I didn’t know Nicole liked knives at first. A mutual friend (“Crystal”, who was in the group chat, and I met Crystal during a community college course) introduced us as I was new to the area and at first Nicole and I hit it off as we had a lot of shared interests - music, art, outdoors activity, going antiquing, wine, food and cooking... just a lot of things. We started dating and eventually went on a camping and hiking trip, where she used a knife to split some kindling and she was pointing it toward herself. I remember telling her to watch out and she had me to relax because she did it all the time, she asked me if I wanted to do it myself and I admitted I didn’t like knives. Later in the trip we drank by the fire and talked and that’s when I told her about my trauma. She promised to protect me and I remember that exactly because I had the mental image of her fending off a mugger and I joked that she was “my hero”. (My trauma has been brought up after that point, and neither of us were drunk at the time) My knife issues typically don’t impact my daily life except to make me more apt to be very slow in the kitchen when chopping things. It doesn’t seem like abuse, especially when we’re good. When it’s bad, it’s really rough. I don’t have really any other baseline as I was a late bloomer dating wise. My dad always said that you should both give 110% in a relationship but everyone argues. I thought working through the rough patches was normal. That’s also why I was preparing to apologize: because it takes two in an argument so I am responsible as well and need to apologize for my part. In this case, ruining the night with my reaction. I did go through therapy to help cope with the initial incident surrounding my aversion to knives. I was a lot worse when it happened - to the extent where I couldn’t have anyone point the knife in the direction of another living being, or certain songs on the radio that were playing at the time, or certain smells. I’ve made progress, but clearly not enough to stay with her and deal with her fidgeting with the knives. (I will admit to backsliding a bit in that I seem a lot more anxious when I stay the night and can’t stay asleep, or having more nightmares, which is why I believed her when she said I was overreacting) Also concerning the fidgeting, it’s not a constant thing. Sometimes she’d go weeks without pulling the knife out. Sometimes she’d complain that I only focus on the fact she had used the knife, versus how long she had abstained, which seems reasonable to point out. The Verdict was not enough info Update 1 Oct 15th, 2021 A lot of the conversation is paraphrased with quotes that stuck in my mind. I also kept adding to this as things developed and I’m running on zero sleep, so I’m sorry if it’s not very clear. I did reach out to Nicole again yesterday to talk and I went with the intention of standing my ground and explaining things so she could understand my side. She greeted me with “thanks for gracing me with your presence” and asked if I was here to act my age and talk like an adult. She slammed the door behind me and pointed to the couch so we could discuss things. Nicole opened with my reaction was unreasonable and completely out of line considering the situation. I said that things need to change because that prank wasn’t okay at all and she knows I have issues with knife violence and I asked “what was funny about the prank?” She interrupted and said that ultimatums aren’t part of any relationship so I said “I don’t think this is working out for us, I don’t think we’re happy together.” Nicole froze at first and I started to explain that the knife thing and our respective stances being so different is not fair to either of us. But she repeatedly asked “so you’re going to break up nearly three years just because of this?” I tried to tell her it was more than just this, it was everything else, it was that she keeps forgetting and triggering me, that she loves playing with them but it upsets me, but she started talking over me and yelling that apparently I think she’s an idiot and that I’m the best actor in the world because she never knew I felt so horrible, and that maybe I should call the cops on her for abuse. She grabbed her cellphone and offered it to me again and again, saying “go on, call” but when I said we just need to talk, she interrupted with “no you won’t because you know, I know, we both know, no cop is going to arrest me for a joke”. Also I’m not very tall- 5’9 and she’s only 5’6 but she was standing right in front of me while I was seated, so I couldn’t get up without moving her. After throwing her phone on the couch next to me, she stormed into the kitchen shouting that she should get rid of all her knives because I’m so terrified. She threw a few into the sink and then the whole block of knives into the trash, the whole time asking “what about this one? Too sharp? Too scary?” When I flinched at the noises she said “oh do you feel threatened? How do you think I feel when I have to defend myself against your feelings?!” Nicole told me to quit crying, that I can’t just use tears to manipulate her, and mocked me when I said “please stop”. She said she has to walk on eggshells because she has to deal with a boyfriend that can’t handle a single joke without running off into the night. “It’s not hard to not overreact - literally just think before you go crazy, it’s that simple” and that it’s ridiculous that a grown man can’t handle a knife or a gun and I refuse to let go of my victimhood because “anyone normal would have gotten over it by now, it’s been nearly 9 years!” She called me stubborn and childish for picking this hill to die on, that I’m not innocent, it’s not fair that I’m allowed to ignore her for hours but she can’t have a little fun, and is my ego really that big? It’s sickening that I don’t trust her or think she’s smart or skilled enough to handle a knife properly and it’s sexist, infantilizing and insulting. At some point I said I think I need to go home and it was like a switch, and she said “Please stop crying, I hate when you cry”, joked (I think, because she laughed?) “I guess hibachi dates are off the table, huh?” and “I should probably take the knives out of the trash now, shouldn’t I?” She apologized and said since it means so much to me she’ll put in more effort. She admitted that I’m such a sensitive guy that if she stopped doing everything that made me uncomfortable she wouldn’t be able to do anything. She pointed out that I cried watching My Girl the other day as proof that I’m overly emotional and it made sense that she thought I was just being my normal self, but she was sorry for not realizing sooner it was really upsetting me. She promised she would do her best not to bring the knives out when I’m around. Nicole hugged me and told me to “let go, we can get through this, there’s nothing we can’t get over”, and asked for a chance to start over, fresh start tomorrow, no more jokes. It’s stupid but I just said yes. I wanted to go home, get out of her house and leave while she was still acting nice, and I didn’t hold my ground. I feel like an idiot and a coward. I got home and puked and couldn’t get to sleep again. Today Nicole came and dropped off lunch and coffee for me, gave me a kiss and said she loved me, and all the old ladies in the office were gushing about how cute we are together. I’m going to reach out to one of the guys I’m closer to and the friend who set us up to find out when Nicole got so into knives. (Because I remember about 7-8 months in it was shortly after the camping trip and it was Nicole’s birthday that she asked for a specific knife as her present, so at least then, but I can’t really remember there being anything major before then). I’m going to break up officially with her tomorrow with one of the guys if possible, so I can get my stuff from her place. Update 2 June 16th, 2024 3 year later There's previous information in my profile concerning a post I made on AITA a few years ago. I came to Reddit about my girlfriend and her knife prank. It's been a long while since, and I was uncertain if I could update here or there or wherever. Roll this back over a decade ago for more background. When I was a preteen we experienced a home invasion that resulted in my mother and dog dying and left me with a lifelong phobia of knives and anxiety surrounding blood and break-ins. Directly following the break-in, I was unable to handle a knife being pointed at another living creature. My brain caught on to stupid things and connected them to the events and made them into triggers. Mom's perfume. The sound of glass shattering or a door banging open. A song that was playing at the time. Even now I still hate the song but at least it doesn't trigger a flashback anymore. Blood on beige carpet featured prominently in my nightmares. I worked extensively with a therapist to process what happened and what I'd seen. Recovery took years of therapy, weeks of inpatient care, medication to help with the nightmares, PTSD, depression and anxiety. We sold the house as soon as we could. I moved out of state as soon as I could. I kept up with therapy and continued to take my medication. My aversion to knives became something minor in how it impacted my life. I was careful in the kitchen and I certainly didn't search out knife throwing competitions, but it was under control in my normal daily life. It helped that everything seemed to be coming together. I made new friends, I was balancing work and school, I'd just met the girl who'd become my first long term adult girlfriend. I know now it was just the honeymoon phase but it felt like we were progressing well even once infatuation wore off. We stood together through highs and lows and the mediocre middle ground where there's nothing exciting, just the mundane. I thought that was the marker of a steady relationship, to be able to stick together even after the excitement of a new relationship has faded. We went on a few trips together, driving across state lines to meet her family or flying back to see my dad. On one of our trips we went camping and my fear of knives got brought up. That lead to the break-in getting brought up. She seemed to care at the time, even promising to protect me if something ever happened and offering to help install a camera in my apartment. After the camping trip, I don't know if it was always there and I noticed it more after or what, but she started to be more obviously into knives. Practicing tricks in front of me, showing videos to me, starting a collection. She even asked for a knife for her birthday that year, showing me exactly which one she wanted. Before, she was into camping, into guns (which ironically I have zero issue with) and how to forage, make shelter, purify water, basic survival stuff, and artillery and tanks. She did multiple courses about military history in college and busted out the textbooks sometimes if she remembered something she thought I would find interesting. But suddenly it seemed like her focus was on carving and skinning animals, on knife wounds and tricks and collecting and displaying knives. She started doing the tricks more often, in front of me, even when sitting next to me on the couch or at the dinner table. She would gesture with the knife "without thinking" and even point it at me- again, one of my major triggers being knives pointed at people or animals. She started sending me videos of news clips of other break ins, or news reports of robberies ending in murder, between a bunch of other funny videos or pictures, so checking snapchat became a game of Russian roulette. If I didn't check the links sent through text, she'd keep sending them and ask what I thought. She'd forget she had the knife in hand when she came up to me, sometimes from behind. My nightmares came back. My anxiety got worse. No matter how often I reminded her to please stop playing with the knife in front of me, or at least not next to me, she would always forget after a little bit. Some part of me refuses to believe there's no way she risked bodily harm just to unnerve me. It came to a head when she pulled a prank where she pretended to cut off a finger. We had a huge fight, our biggest one yet. I wish I'd acted differently and hadn't stormed out but I did. There is a lot about my time with Nicole I would do differently in hindsight. I was so sure I'd just break up with her for good. I don't know why I didn't stay broken up with her. When I did at first, I did it alone because my friend Jack rolled his eyes and called me a p-ssy for wanting back up. So I did it in a coffee shop instead, hoping the public eye could be my backup. Nicole stared at me with this affronted expression and it was like I couldn't find the words anymore. Her eyes were huge and wide and hateful. Like I've never seen anyone glare at me like that. She gripped onto the cup like she was going to throw it at me, I had it in my head to bolt the second she moved because I could see it so clearly. But then she started crying, loudly, and kept asking why I would do this to her and that she hoped I found happiness with someone better since she clearly wasn't enough for me despite doing everything to be a good girlfriend. I felt like shit and people were staring so I wished her well and asked if she wanted me to call a friend but she told me to leave her the fuck alone so I did. I hate how I handled the break up but it felt in the moment like autopilot. In short order I lost the support of our mutual friends who had become my only friends during my relationship with Nicole, which I understand as they knew her for much longer. Jack actually confronted me and called me a piece of shit for embarrassing her like that in public, calling me trash for leaving her sobbing alone and not even offering her a ride home; he wouldn't listen to my explanations and said I could excuse myself but everyone now knew what kind of guy I really am. People at work mentioned how sad it was that we broke up. I didn't feel like it was the place to explain my reasoning and after the confrontation with Jack I didn't feel like I had a right to. I felt like crap, like a shit person, and I felt numb. I tried to move on, to find a new normal. After about a month of us being broken up, she called me and begged for me to come over to help her, she was scared she'd hurt herself. I went to her immediately. I held her all night, helped her wash her hair after days of not being able to bring herself to. She admitted she'd done a horrible thing and that she couldn't stand how she'd treated me, that she wished she could go back and change so we could still be together. Didn't know how to address that, so I just stayed with her the whole night, and the next day at work she came by to drop off a homemade lunch and to thank me for being there for her. I stupidly let myself get sucked back in. I get that it's my fault. Coffee in the morning became dinner and drinks out became movie nights and going to shows and flea markets together because we still had similar interests. One time she even noticed a booth with knives and directed us away, and while yes it wasn't necessary as I could see a knife display and not be freaked out, it was a nice gesture because before she would have gone there and either bought one herself or asked me to buy it for her, one of multiple changes that made me think maybe she was truly making an effort. That at the least maybe we could be friends again. I started to get invited back into the group somewhat. Two months later she kissed me. We were both drunk and it didn't go any further. I didn't talk to her about it because I thought she didn't remember, but then she approached me to ask if there was any salvaging "Us", if she'd proven that she was different now and things would be better. I thought maybe. I stayed, because she really had been so sweet, it was like starting over, and we got back together. I was permitted back into the friend group in full (though Crystal had stopped talking to everyone and Jack still refused to talk to me) and while it was awkward at first, soon enough we were acting like we'd never stopped being friends for even a minute. It felt so good to go back to normal, it was like a weight off my chest and like I could breathe again. It was nice for a while. She was so careful about the knives thing and it really did feel so normal and steady. Sure we had small fights but we always made up shortly after and she'd be overwhelmingly loving after the fact. It felt like it was before, so it felt normal. I can't pinpoint when it started to creep back but maybe when she started watching documentaries on her phone with the sound up high while sitting next to me, or when she'd poke or grab me while I was cutting up dinner then laugh at my startle response. Or she'd scoff if I teared up watching or reading something then tell me later that it was out of fondness not exasperation and I really needed to stop reading so much into it. Or she'd yell at me for forgetting something that she never even told me about and then the next day she'd get frustrated that I didn't "insist properly" that she was mistaken. Like it was all small things that on their own weren't even that big of a deal and I didn't feel like I could just speak up about it or else I was nitpicking her. In hindsight I was making excuses and clinging to when she was nice to me, trying to do anything to make sure we just stayed happy and without bumps. Part of it was that I knew now that I'd be alone, that no one would understand why I'd throw away a good relationship, that being with her was the best thing that could ever happen to me. We moved in together four months after our getting back together. She was hinting around that it was the only way to prove to her that I'd forgiven her and that way we could move on and be happy. She insisted I move into her place because it was easier to move an apartment into a house than the other way around. It constantly felt like she was dangling that night where she was suicidal over me, like one wrong move from me and maybe the next time she wouldn't call for help. When we had fights, she paced through the house flicking a knife, looping from the bedroom to the living room to the office, or said every single argument was really due to the fact I was holding a grudge over the prank and that we wouldn't be arguing if I just "grew up" and stopped taking out my trauma on her. She'd tell me not to piss her off because it would be too easy for her to "make a mistake" and no one would think twice about what happened. A few times she'd gone on a rampage and overturned tables and threw glasses into the sink and dishwasher and said we were done for good— only for the next day to blow up my phone begging me to talk this out or have her friends encourage me to swallow my pride and go back to her because she's miserable without me and she's trying so hard, or she'd just wake me with a kiss after making me sleep on the couch as if the night before never happened. If I asked about the night before, the fight would start all over yet this time it'd be my fault because she was trying to move on but I was holding a grudge. The following nearly ten months were the most terrifying, anxiety riddled period of my life, and I only had myself to blame. Coming home from work I puked my guts out more than a few times on the way just because I didn't want to go back to her. I felt trapped. She threw away the blanket my mother had knitted me for my crib because it was "dirty". It wasn't dirty, it was a knit blanket that had been repaired repeatedly and hand washed frequently; so she'd "accidentally" put it through the wash and destroyed it, then bought a completely different throw blanket as a replacement and got mad when I didn't consider the matter resolved. She pulled another prank, this time with a fake positive pregnancy test, and berated me for not being overjoyed because I immediately started panicking about the cost, bringing up a child in our dysfunction, and handling the stress, rather than being excited. I feel like she wanted me to be happy so that she could crush my joy, and so was angry that I didn't play to her expectation. That night she threatened me with the knife, pointing it at me and saying she should just snip me right then since I didn't want to have kids with her, and then held me as I sobbed because I went into a panic. I didn't want her touching me, but I didn't know what else to do but let her and to apologize to her. Another time she put the knife to her own throat during a fight and said I clearly want her to kill herself and didn't stop until I screamed at her begging her to stop. Sometimes when driving she'd start speeding and swerving, or closing her eyes while on the highway, and saying my fear meant I didn't trust her. Nicole just kept getting worse by the day. I remember waking up one morning with a moment of clarity. I knew she'd eventually kill me, I was sleeping next to my murderer. It still wasn't enough to push me away. Escaping her orbit seemed like too much, more than I could handle. Everything I had in me was focused on just surviving day to day. I never knew if she'd break up with me on a whim or pick a fight or be constantly pushing me closer to a panic attack all night or if she'd flip and be so sweet and caring. I felt like every day was Russian roulette hour to hour, every word I said or action I did or didn't do a chance to start a raging fight. She'd tossed out my anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication one night and then during the resulting argument she made a big show of forgiving me for raising my voice (I shouldn't have done that, I have no excuse) and then helping me call in an emergency refill. For weeks after, because I said I wanted to break up during the argument, she would ask if I was going to "try to run away" every time that something went wrong. Takeout order wrong? I spilled a cup of water? Streaming service not working immediately? "Oh don't get your panties in a twist and run off" and "do I have to worry about you leaving me over this mistake, too?" Eventually that tapered off but maybe once a month during a fight she would tearfully go to our friends and ask them to mediate then during the meetings say that I kept threatening to leave her again over "nothing" and how scared she was of losing me when she "didn't know what set me off". More than a few times she showed me texts from them where her friends were saying how she deserved better and didn't need to put up with me, but she'd tell me "I don't listen to them because I love you anyway". She'd slap me and push me during arguments. I could never do anything right, because even doing what she wanted without argument or not looking her in the eye could be enough to send her off the rails. Sometimes as a joke just in general one of our friends would pull out a little pack of tissues and hand it over to me "in case I'd run out" or make a production of hiding the butter knife at dinner under the napkin. It was humiliating but if I spoke up, suddenly I was oversensitive, an embarrassment, no fun, and I had to learn how to deal with adult friendships and jokes, and they'd ask her how she could stand it. As a result I didn't spend much time with them either. Usually Nicole would just go out with them and I'd stay home, which was the most relaxing I've ever felt during that time, except for when she started randomly coming home without any notice or timeline (like saying she'd be home at 6 but then not coming back til midnight or early morning, or saying she'd be gone until 10 and coming early back at 2 or 3) or randomly calling the house phone to make sure I was home and getting angry if she even thought I sounded breathless, accusing me of having left. She started hinting around that marriage would be the logical next step and I was insulting her by not having proposed yet. Then she bought an engagement ring with my credit card and started showing off to all her friends how perfect "my" choice was. I didn't want to marry her. I felt bad for not wanting to marry her. I wanted us to be happy, and maybe giving her the wedding she wanted would help. I didn't want to marry her. In all those months I never went to sleep feeling safe. I lied awake in bed hyper aware of how close she was and trying to go over in my head if I had behaved well enough to keep her happy and what I could do to prevent another explosion. In hindsight it's sickening how long I let this go on. In the moment it was just about all I could think to do. I often woke up with nightmares which would in turn piss her off and set her off in a mood for the next day but if I suggested sleeping separately she would rage about how I was calling her a shitty girlfriend/fiancee/etc. I started to keep a notebook at work and just writing shit down. Things she'd done or said, incidents and what I'd done to set her off. It helped me feel more sane, and also more like a fucking moron because I could read back on times she actually hurt me and I still hadn't left. Every time I thought about leaving I felt sick inside. I'd lose every social contact I had. I would have to find a new place to live. I'd have to bar her from my workplace but they can't do anything without a restraining order and that itself felt like a hurdle too. I dropped all my old friends in favor of her and felt like they'd refuse to even talk to me again. I was the idiot that let her back into my life and rekindled the relationship, despite overwhelming feedback. I was stupid enough to deserve every bit of what was happening, and too dumb to deserve to escape after wasting my previous chances. I hated myself and had frequent fantasies of just ending it all. The worst part wasn't the anxiety and terror though. It was when she was sweet and caring. For example she always went all out for my birthday or anniversaries or Christmas, with thoughtful gifts, except for the year where she kicked me out for the evening after throwing some decorations at the wall because they stopped working (for which she blamed me because I put them up). She was sweet and gentle one day, or even for a week or two, only to slowly start ramping up the tension until she exploded yet again. She had an uncanny ability to blame me in ways that made me feel responsible for her emotions and for forcing her to react violently. When we drove out to visit my dad for Easter things started to change. Dad was concerned about how quiet I'd become and that I hadn't come for Thanksgiving or Christmas or even called on NYE like I used to. That I looked tired, unhappy and thin. Nicole was on her best behavior the whole time and even left her knives in the car, even tried to get everyone to focus on the engagement ring, but Dad still saw something was wrong. For three weeks after he kept trying to contact me, but she wouldn't let me talk without her in the room and she checked my phone anytime she left me alone and checked the records online to see if I had deleted any calls. Eventually I managed to get a burner phone and hid it at work, which allowed me to talk to my dad freely. He flew over with my uncle and they helped me gather my stuff from her house. When Nicole started sobbing and begging me to stay, my uncle kept her from the kitchen knives and had his phone ready to call 911 if she tried to hurt herself or us. When Nicole started to insist I was taking her stuff too even though I was only taking things either I brought with me or I bought for me, I just let it go. She got to keep a few sentimental items of mine and the loss hurts still but the most important ones I was able to take, like I was able to get all my documentation and cards out of her house. I didn't even bother with the ring. It was just money and she was already acting up. Uncle drove my car home while Dad had me fly with him. I'm ashamed to admit that the months directly following the breakup were almost worse than the time I spent with her, because I was out of survival mode and I couldn't force myself to function the way I used to. I felt like a parasite on my father, unable to get my shit together, falling apart over nothing, being so volatile it frightened me. I'm in therapy again. Sometimes I feel better, like I can see a way forward, but then I feel like I'm back in the thick of it and I'll never go back to normal and I'm permanently broken. Worse, every time I cry or get triggered or have a flashback, I can still hear her voice in my head calling me over emotional and too sensitive, that I'd be fine by now if I just got over myself, that what I went through wasn't that bad. She sent mail to my dad's house for a while, threatening letters and pleas for me to see reason and stop overreacting, pictures of us that were sentimental, guilt trips. At first I couldn't get a restraining order right away against her because I moved, something about the jurisdictions and courts, but when she sent those letters it helped at least make sure she couldn't continue to contact me. I found my old laptop a while ago and it had the password prepopulated. It wouldn't leave my mind, especially when I read what people were saying. Right now I'm just rambling to get my head straight, to be honest, but my dms were full of people saying how the sex must be amazing, how stupid guys get when they want to stick their dick in something, that I don't have balls or a backbone clearly and I just need to man up. Basically everything I told myself to remind me of what I did to deserve being stuck with her. I don't know if I can muster the courage to address any responses to them but I really just want to tie up this lose end in my life so maybe I can stop rehashing it mentally and finally move on. I might also give my therapist the notebook I kept of Nicole's abuse but I haven't wanted to even look for it. There's still a box of shit that I haven't opened up because it's all fucked with my head so much. What I wish I knew at the start of all this shit was that any amount of genuine discomfort isn't an acceptable price in a relationship and you're allowed to stop giving them more chances even if they're trying and seem sorry. You're not obligated to help people change, even if you love them, even if they do slightly better. I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts submitted by /u/secure-raspberry-763 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I had to take a flight home this weekend unexpectedly because my dad just suffered a stroke. I spent the entire weekend deep cleaning the house/meal prepping for my mom and then having quality time with my dad when they eventually discharged him. By the time my flight back came around, I was emotionally and physically exhausted. I had managed an aisle seat on booking the ticket and assumed the two blocked out seats next to me would be a couple. Wrong. They were two kids, later elementary aged, and their parents sat together in the seats behind them so they could sit together as a couple. These kids whined the entire flight and fought. They made crude jokes and used electronics (iPad, phone, Nintendos) without headphones. They fidgeted in their seats, wrestled each other, and were LOUD. It was also a late evening flight, so I was hoping to get a nap in or close my eyes before my fiancé picked me up for the drive home. However, even with my noise cancelling headsets, I got no sleep due to them yelling or their arms/legs hitting me during their “wrestling.” They were definitely old enough to know better. I looked back at the parents once during the 2.5 hr flight and asked them if they could quiet down their kids please. They shot me a bad look, said “kids” half-seriously once, laughed, and went back to drinking. The mildly infuriating part? Due to a few factors: our ages, my engagement ring was on, us all sitting were together in a row, and them having the same hair color/skin tone as mine, everyone near us assumed they were MY kids. Even the crew. I got so many bad looks and comments around me for “how loud I was letting them be” and “some people can’t control their own kids” but I don’t even HAVE kids. Their parents were behind us drinking seltzer and I was getting flack for their poor parenting. So on top of an emotionally charged weekend, I not only didn’t get to rest and relax on my flight back, but also got flack for kids that aren’t mine. I probably could have said more, but I was mentally exhausted and zoned out. TL;DR Parents intentionally sat behind their poorly behaved kids on the airplane and I was seated next to the crotch gremlins. Everyone assumed they were mine and added stress via glares/comments while I was dealing with my own stressors. I don’t even have kids. submitted by /u/helluvaresearcher to r/mildlyinfuriating [link] [comments]

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/OneTop3934 on his profile   trigger warnings: infidelity, GPS tracking/voice recording, violence   Part 1     08-08-23 UPDATE - Aug 8, 2023 Hi, it's me again. I want to thank everyone who has sent me kind messages and support here on Reddit and even on other platforms - this has really blown up and frankly it's totally bizarre to see my life plastered all over the internet, but it's also nice to see so many people seeming to be genuinely concerned for me. It helps a lot. At first I had a bit of trepidation about how visible this became, like "What have I done???" but since this past weekend I decided to just roll with it. After all, the cat is already out of the bag and I really believe I've done nothing wrong here (despite a small minority of commentators saying otherwise!) I guess there is a lot to go over and so much has happened, most of it, if I'm honest, hasn't been that great. Well, it's actually been downright shitty, but I'll get to that. First off, I left Mark's house pretty late that night. Sarah already knew I was out "discussing business" with him, although she had no idea that the business was actually her sisters affair. But still, it was getting to an unreasonable hour - mostly because I was trying to get up the nerve to go home and face her. After about two or three "pep talks" from Mark, I finally got off my keister and texted Sarah I was coming home and left in my car. As I said in the last update, I was pretty surprised when I got there because when I walked into the house, Evelyn was crying on the couch with Sarah. I hadn't seen Evelyn's car in the driveway when I came home, so this was probably the last thing I was expecting. I froze for a moment and almost turned around and left - this was not how I imagined this going down and I knew that Evelyn's presence was going to make a bad situation a million times worse. Still, I had a time table that I wanted to move on - I had friends I needed to notify and wedding preparations to cancel and the proverbial clock was ticking in the back of my head. When I entered the room, both Sarah and Evelyn looked up at me in acknowledgement, but the tirade of accusations never came. I just stared back, raising my eyes in question. The moment passed and Evelyn went back to crying, Sarah back to comforting and I let it awkwardly hang in the air for half a minute while I thought - it seemed that Marty hadn't mentioned my assistance in the uncovering of Evelyn's affair. I decided to play dumb. Not for any reason other than I wanted to see how Sarah reacted. I took a seat on a recliner, put down my laptop bag and took my phone out of pocket. I made it look like I was fidgeting with it and then asked them "What's going on?" Evelyn just continued to cry, but Sarah looked at me and said "Marty is divorcing Evie." Well, yes - I figured as much. I decided to push ahead with the obvious question. "What for?" I asked her. Sarah stopped patting Evelyn's back for a moment and looked at me. I could almost see her face twist and contort - imagine the look a 5 year old makes when you tell them to eat their broccoli or finish their lima beans. Evelyn shot Sarah a look that I didn't need to be a sister to understand and there was a pregnant pause until Sarah finally said, "She cheated on him." Now, I have to admit. This response freaking floored me. This was absolutely not what I was expecting. Sure, the more cynical readers here might think "Well, the cat was out of the bag, so there's no point in hiding it" and yes, that's true, but it's also true that she could have just as easily feigned ignorance, or even worded it another way, like "Marty accused Evie of cheating" instead of basically confirming it to my face. Maybe I'm being pedantic here, but it's part of my job to pay attention to not only what people say, but how they say it. Evelyn wasn't happy about this. She kind of crumpled into the couch a bit and did this strange combination of a sigh and sob at the same time. I wanted to press on, "go for the gold" to sort of speak, but I must have stammered a bit. Sarah probably interpreted as shock, and well she would have been right in a sense, just not how she assumed. "Did you know?" Sarah didn't say anything, she just nodded, her hand still rubbing her sisters shoulder. I didn't hesitate and asked for the obvious follow up - "How long?" The answer came back a lot easier than I thought it would, "Six months." I was shocked by how easily she admitted to it. Evelyn was shocked as well, she smacked her sisters hand off her and I think even Sarah was a little shocked at saying it out loud. I leaned back in the recliner and rubbed my face. Time to tug the rest of that band aid clear off. "We're not getting married." There were two looks like stunned goats and a chorus of "Huh? What?" from both sisters. I stood up and repeated myself. "We're not getting married. I can't marry someone who would cover up adultery, especially not for 6 months." Sarah sprang off the couch and opened her arms, the body language was "You can't be serious?!" but I just put my hands in front of myself. "I'm serious. I don't like this, not one bit. I don't like that you took part in this and I can't get married to you with how I feel. It would be a mistake." The water works started immediately and even Evelyn did that thing with her mouth that looks like a perch trying to suck air. There were wails from Sarah, accusations of not loving her, appeals to my sense of duty, to the loss of money, the inconvenience to all our friends, the embarrassment of it all. It was frankly nothing I hadn't already thought about, but it definitely felt different hearing Sarah say it through body wracking sobs. It was at this point, I probably made a big mistake. Well, maybe not, because I have no idea how long Marty would have kept my involvement in everything off the books, but in an effort to convince Sarah of the finality of it all I said "Look, I already canceled the honeymoon! It's not happening!" I knew it was a bomb the second it left my mouth and the explosion was damn near immediate. Evelyn, to her credit had always been pretty quick on the uptake, which is probably how she had managed to fool her husband for so long. I could almost see the realization dawning on her when she put it all together with my appearance at the bar earlier in the evening. She screamed, "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" and flew across the room at me. Now, I'm not a huge guy, but I'm no slouch either, but the force that Evelyn flung herself at me had me staggering backwards and I barely had enough time to get my hands up before she started raking my face with her fingernails. I almost lost the phone I still had in my hand, but still managed to I push her away and say very loudly, "EVELYN GET OFF ME!! SARAH, GET YOUR SISTER UNDER CONTROL!" Evelyn made another lunge for me but surprisingly Sarah did exactly what I asked her to and wrapped her arms around her sisters waist and held her in place. I looked at Evelyn and yelled, "Get out of here right now or I am calling the police!" - holding my phone up for emphasis. Sarah asked both of us to calm down, she said to me "OP, she doesn't have anywhere to go right now and Marty took her car keys!" That explained the lack of a car in the drive way, but I didn't care. I was 100% through with Evelyn and I was going to make sure she knew it. I marched into my home office and locked the door and dialed the po-po. I told them I had been attacked by my fiancée's sister and had locked myself in my office - that I was bleeding from my face (Evelyn had scratched me pretty good along the inside of my left eye) and that my vision was blurry and I feared for my life. I even told them that I had recorded the entire altercation on my phone. Just as I was finishing up my conversation, Sarah comes knocking on the door. "OP, please come out, we need to talk about this." and "Please, I love you, don't do this. We don't need to do this." and even "Evelyn is sorry, she wants to apologize". I'm pretty sure that last one was a lie, but Sarah was obviously losing her shit. I didn't answer her and her attempts to cajole me out of the office ended probably right when the police rocked up to our front door. I could hear Sarah talking to them and I decided to come out. The cops were two males, one of them looked younger than me, maybe around Sarah's age and the other one looked older and more annoyed about life in general. I introduced myself, pointed at Evelyn, stating that she attacked me and offered to show the cops the recording I made. The younger one asked me if I wanted to press charges. I said yes. He asked me again if I wanted to press charges. I said yes again. At this point, both cops looked at each other and before the young cop could open his mouth again I said, "Yes damnit, I want to press charges. I have video evidence and this is going to court or else I'm going to call up your boss (I dropped his name here) and ask him to come down and do it himself." I think they were pretty surprised that I knew his name, not that we are friends or anything, but given my line of work I spend plenty of time interfacing with local law enforcement and I have met most of the brass, or talked to them on the phone a couple of times in the last few years. Honestly, at this point, I was getting pretty hot under the collar and while I get what these guys were thinking I don't agree with it at all. Facts are facts - sure I might not be bleeding out on the floor, but Evelyn assaulted me in my own home and I wanted her gone. Thankfully the situation didn't immediately escalate and the two officers handcuffed Evelyn and put her in the back of the patrol car. She was squealing and crying like some sort of gibbering maniac the entire time. Sarah wasn't much better, she just kept going "no, please, no" over and over again. At this point, the younger cop circled back and asked us if everything was okay here. I just told them I was going to bed. He asked Sarah again and she didn't immediately answer so he goes "IS EVERYTHING OKAY HERE MAM???" It was clear what he was fishing for. At this point I really disliked this guy, but I bit my lip. Sarah finally realized that the cop was addressing her and she just nodded at him. Obviously the guy is not satisfied with this and starts to ask her again at which point I interject and say, "If you want to go on a fishing expedition, you might want to do it over there on the lawn where my doorbell camera isn't recording you." I think at this point I had pushed my luck with this guy one too many times, but what could I do? I think I was probably about 30 seconds from getting the cuffs slapped on me until his partner came up and basically pulled him away. He was an older man, probably in his late 50's and probably didn't want to process two arrests right at the beginning of his shift, especially when one of them was obviously going to be more trouble than it was worth. I'm pretty sure he talked him out of it and they left, carrying Evelyn away and hopefully out of my life forever. At this point, I'm thinking about if I want to stay here or not. The fact that my parents live a couple of hours away combined with the thought of about how poor I am going to be in the short term here ruled out either their place or a hotel, so I just decided to sleep in the guest room. Sarah made some futile efforts to get me to engage with her in conversation, or to sleep in our bed, but I just told her we'd talk tomorrow and that I was tired and didn't want to be disturbed. Thankfully she let me be and I crashed hard. Harder than I had in years, which pretty much brings us up to speed to the last update. But dear friends of Reddit, let me tell you this, the NEXT DAY was by far the weirdest f'ing day of my life. To start with, I woke up at 11am. Sarah was still home, she had cleaned the house from top to bottom. I mean, the floors sparkled. The toilets shined. I could lick the linoleum in the bathroom and it'd probably be minty fresh. She had obviously been busy, but when she saw me she sort of hovered out of immediate range, not quite engaging, but looking like she wanted to say something. I get it. Last night was traumatic for everyone and she was probably uncertain - like, did I just cancel the wedding in the heat of the moment? Was I serious about this? Was I really angry? I took a deep breath and told her we needed to finish talking. She tried to sit next to me on the couch and I thought about rebuffing her, but I didn't. We were not getting married, but I didn't need to act like I hated her, because truthfully, I didn't. I was disappointed in her, decently disgusted by some of the things I had read in her text exchanges between her sister, but we were both hurting here and I didn't want to make it any worse, or escalate things to a point where life could get any more complicated than it already was. It took some more convincing on my part for Sarah to truly and fully believe the wedding was off. She was not taking it well, hell that's an understatement, she was a wreck. I think she was hyperventilating a few times. I was holding it together better, but obviously not only was this my idea, I had also had longer to come to terms with it. Finally she asked the serious question - "What about us?" I know I am going to get a lot of hate from people for this, especially the kind of Redditors that think every infraction in a relationship is grounds for nuking it from orbit, and indeed one could even say that my calling off the wedding was like dropping a MOAB on our 6 year partnership, but truthfully I didn't have an answer for Sarah in that moment. I just didn't know and I told her so. I said, I read all those text messages and it showed me a side of her that I didn't know existed and that I wasn't certain about her, or our relationship anymore. I said I couldn't understand why she would go a long with Evelyn putting down Marty and joining in, and even egging her on in cheating on not only him, but their daughter too. She just kept saying, "I know, I know, it was wrong, I know." I asked her for an explanation, but she couldn't provide one. She just said that she "got carried away" and that she "had to choose her sister". I told her that I thought a good sister was someone who kept you on the straight and narrow and didn't give you a free pass to be a douchebag. She agreed with me and said that she would do better, but that Evelyn had always been the boss when they were kids and she was always the follower. I get this, I have an older sibling too and while I'm a bit more independent, I also spent the last 18 years of my life with him living on the other side of the planet except for the odd, occasional visit around Thanksgiving or Christmas. But still, maybe I had a leg up on Sarah because my older sibling was a decent guy while Evelyn was a piece of trash. Now here is where I get the second major f'ing shock of my life in like 48 hours. Sarah says to me, "It's not fair! It's not fair!" "What's not fair???" I ask her. "You were sexting that bimbo wife Mandy girl on Instagram last year and I got over it! I was so hurt, but I got over it! Why can't you get over this?? Why???" Huh? What? What the hell is she talking about? Who is this 'bimbo wife Mandy' - like I have no f'ing clue. I ask her if she was high or having a psychotic break. Like, okay, that was mean of me - but I have absolutely not been doing cyber sex or sexting or whatever with anyone, especially not some Instagram girl. I'm protesting pretty loudly at this point and Sarah is yelling at me through her tears, telling me that she saw the messages last year and that she decided to not confront me because I had stopped it. Evidently she had been checking my socials from my home computer when I am at work, which should have been really boring because I have only family and a couple of work friends on there. I try to make this case to her, offering to let her log into all my accounts and check for herself, but she's just calling me a liar and a pervert and all sorts of shit. She starts throwing stuff at me and so things are getting out of hand and I tell her that if she throws one more thing I'll have her taken out of this house just like her sister. She swears at me and stomps off to the master bedroom and slams the door. Now, at this point I am so damn confused I barely know what to think. I head into my office, fire up my desktop and type "bimbo wife mandy" into Google, sure enough there is an Instagram, a Twitter, a Reddit even and of course, an ONLY FANS. I click on one of the Instagram links and up comes a post of an um... extremely busty woman, like clearly pushing the limits of science and technology and oh guess where she's from.... Australia. Well everyone, remember all the nice stuff I was saying about my brother? Guess who was staying with us last Christmas all the way from Australia? Guess who I told, "Sure, go ahead and use my office computer to play games if you have jet lag?" As far as I can tell, my brother, after his wife and kids went to sleep, logged into either Insta, or OF or something and was probably paying money to sext with this girl. What a great f'ing guy. Now, I would love to call my brother and not only confirm my suspicions, but also give him a god damn ear full, but it's like 2 or 3 in the morning there so it's going to have to wait, but I am crawling the walls here trying to sort out how I feel about everything. I feel totally let down by everyone. I think to myself, damn - what is this world coming to? For a brief moment, I try to connect the dots between whatever the hell Sarah saw my brother do and what she did with Evelyn, but try as I might it doesn't really come together. Maybe she's a more tolerant or forgiving person than I am, which is why she didn't "confront me" when she saw this, but I wish she had - it would have given me an opportunity to directly tell her my whole personal stance on these things and to even show her how I would act. It might have influenced her in a good way later on, or maybe it wouldn't have mattered, I don't know. All I know is that this post is becoming a novel and I have blown off most of the morning when I should be working to get this out of my head and onto this page. I feel better for doing it, but there is still probably another 2-3 posts left to tell. I'm not going to post them to this subreddit anymore, I'm not sure that they'd let me, but I will try to quietly update my profile in the next day or two with the rest of the blow out - talking to my brother, talking to my parents and Sarah's parents, and finally where Sarah and I stand. One thing that I can say however is it seems like most of my immediate family relationships are incredibly strained for various reasons. My parents are largely supportive, but that's becoming less so now that the reality of the financial loss is setting in - yes the marriage is still off, that was pretty much a certainty from the get go. Sarah's parents are a bit more pissed and I'm sure they are sticking pins in voodoo dolls crafted in my image right now. Evelyn, for people who are wondering, is no longer in Jail - she got Sarah to bail her out and I even laid into Sarah for that, calling her "her sisters underling" which I think actually struck a chord with her because she wrote me like a 20 page letter about how her sister always bossed her around throughout her entire childhood. I've read it twice now and I wish we had talked about this pretty much ANY TIME within the last 6 years, maybe things would be different. I don't know. Anyway Reddit, if anyone is still interested, expect a final chapter of this saga in like a day or two and maybe a follow up after the former wedding date passes. Note:bimbowifemandy makes an appearance in the comments   08-10-23 UPDATE - Aug 10, 2023 This update has taken longer to get around to than I originally intended. A lot of things have happened over the last couple of days that have kept me pretty busy and it really wasn't until today when I had some free time after lunch that I could sit down and get this out. I'll try to get through as much as I can. Before that, however, I just want to mention a couple of things in response to comments from the last post. I'll try to be brief. Firstly - I don't know much of what's going on with Marty and his divorce, other than to my knowledge, he's still divorcing her. Obviously no papers or anything, but the intention is clear. In addition to that, I'm not really in the position to be advocating for any sort of course of action that Marty should take, or offering him legal advice, or assisting him in doing anything to the other man, or tracking down the other mans wife, etc. Marty is a grown ass man and he can do whatever he wants with the situation and my position, as his friend, is just to support him and offer advice - if he asks for it. Secondly, this isn't some sort of guerilla marketing for an Only Fans girl. If it was, I should have done it on the first post which hit the front page of Reddit and was seen by over 3 million people. Also, given that this post got so popular on Reddit, it's not really a surprise that "Bimbo Wife Mandy", another Redditor, happened to be following the story and saw her name. It could have easily been any other of the hundreds and hundreds (maybe even thousands) of girls who use Reddit to post their pictures. And as a brief aside - speaking of "Mandy", I have indeed talked to her, she was actually quite helpful in confirming something for me and as a person she seems quite nice but guys... there is no romance plans here in the future. Mandy is married, evidently quite happily so and for almost two decades (I think the handle "Bimbo WIFE Mandy" should have given that away) and frankly while her husband must be cool with it, she's way too much for a mere insurance guy like me to handle. Seriously. So, with that all out of the way, on to the update - Last time I wrote in, I ended it up with me assuming that my brother had used my office computer to chat with "Mandy" but it was too late (his time) for me to contact him. I am one of those guys that once a problem is put in front of him, I MUST be actively working on trying to solve it. This is great for my career choice, but in situations like this, all I was doing was driving myself insane. So, I decided to take a deep breath, leave everything until later and carry on with what I needed to do. First thing up was attempting to contact every person from my side that I had invited to the wedding that I had not yet informed about it's cancelation. As you may recall, I had already informed my parents and had them contact my relatives on the day I made up my mind, but only myself and Sarah have the complete guest list, so I needed to do the rest myself. Out of respect for my friends, I decided to call instead of text, but this might have been a bad idea since every phone call typically resulted in a rather lengthy explanation of why I was canceling the wedding. I know I could have given some other excuse, but I wanted people to know that I wasn't being frivolous or just experiencing something inane like "cold feet". It was important, not just for my own reputation, but I think in order to show respect to the people who had agreed to come on that day to support myself and Sarah as a couple. Because of this, it wasn't until late into the evening when I finally managed to contact everyone, which meant it was now morning time in Australia. I knew what I needed to do but I wanted to make sure that my ducks were all in a row, so I took a breather and made a sandwich in the kitchen. I noticed that Sarah wasn't home - I had no idea when she left and sat down to eat and think about what to do with my brother's situation. Let's call my brother "Karl" for the sake of shortness here. Now, Karl and I have always been pretty close despite him being 13 years older than me. He was this sort of quasi-parental figure in my life because by the time I became capable of having long term memories, he was already well on his way to becoming an adult. He was always generous with his time, played with his little brother when other teenagers would probably have avoided such an activity like the plague and generally seemed very mature and wise to me growing up. Suffice it to say, I respected him greatly. The idea that he had been sexting with a girl who wasn't his wife, in my house, was something that I was still coming to grips with and I needed to decide what to do. Talking to him about it was obvious, but at this point given how much of a shambles my relationship with Sarah was, I didn't know if I cared about having him "confess" just for the sake of clearing my name. Was there anything to salvage anyway? I needed to, for my own sake of propriety, at least yell at him about this and convince him to stop. However, I wasn't sure if I was going to rat him out or not to my SIL (let's call her "Karen", alright - Karl and Karen it is guys). It all depended on what he told me and if I believed him or not. I finished my meal and logged into Facebook and video called Karl. Now, Karl works mostly from home as a remote office worker since his field is related to IT and he's almost always available during the day and today was no exception. It didn't even ring more than once or twice before he answered. We greeted each other, exchanged some pleasantries and then I just sort of dove into it and asked him if he had been using my computer to sex chat women on the internet when he was visiting me. Karl's face froze and he leaned over out of frame of the camera. He was obviously closing his office door. "Yeah, I did - why?" he said to me. I swore under my breath and explained to Karl how Sarah had thought that his flirting was me, since he used my computer. I explained that I wasn't happy to take the hit for him and I asked him point blank if Karen knew about this or not. He waffled for a few seconds, stumbling over his words and then looked a bit sheepish and said that no, Karen didn't know, and he'd prefer if it was kept that way. He went on to explain that their relationship had been pretty rough since their youngest was born 4 years ago - mainly in the bedroom department. Karl had always been a pretty private person, especially when it came to intimate details, or at least he had always been that way when talking to his much younger baby brother. However, this time he just let it all lay out. Things had been bad, he had been tired of getting rejected, Karen was always tired no matter what he did or how much he helped out around the house. Eventually this lead to problems on his side - some sort of performance anxiety on the few occasions where Karen would actually feel up for some bedroom fun and things just got worse from there. Basically he said, "There's no amount of socks picked up, laundry folded, dishes washed, or time spent minding children that would get me laid. It was just not happening, so I started to spend time in my office at night 'working'" - he even did the finger quotes when saying this. Evidently his "working" at night turned into a pretty hardcore addiction to OnlyFans sites, which given the relative privacy he had in his office for legitimate work, spiraled out of control pretty quickly. I asked him if he was still doing it and he swore up and down that he wasn't. I thought I believed him when he said it. He seemed to be sincere. But I just had this niggling feeling in the back of my skull that something was off. Maybe it was because of all of the deceit I had encountered recently, but I was doubting my own brother who has really been a stand up guy to me our entire lives together. I really hated being in this situation. Now, the problem I faced was pretty complex here - First, if I wanted to "clear my name" then I would have to get my brother to tell Sarah that it was him all along. However, if he did that, then there was no guarantee that Sarah wouldn't spitefully inform Karen. I personally thought it would be best if Karen knew, but at the same time I didn't know if I felt comfortable potentially dropping a nuke on my brothers marriage over something he not only said he stopped, but is in this sort of moral grey area for me. I didn't have an answer right away as to what to do, but I did urge him to tell his wife about this and to get into marriage counseling. He said that they actually had been going for the last 6 months and while it was helpful, what had really helped him was getting a prescription for some generic Viagra. I actually did a spit take at that, neatly spraying my computer screen with water. He told me that they had been trying to make sure they have "intimate time" at least a couple of times a week and the Viagra had cured him of his performance anxiety to the point where now they were both looking forward to spending time together after the kids went to bed. The general gist of this was something along the lines of, "Hey, this is actually going in the right direction now, please don't screw this up for us." I really, really, REALLY didn't want to be in this position, not just for the sake of Karl and Karen, but for my two nieces as well - and if what Karl was telling me was the truth, I could be tossing a firebomb into a relationship that was starting to mend. It was unpredictable what would happen ,so yeah - it may disappoint some people but at the time I felt that the best option I had was to wait and see. I was, after all, going to meet him in a couple of weeks in the flesh and once I got him alone in a room and a few drinks into him, I was going to definitely get to the bottom of this. It seemed like the best course of action. Anyway, that night I went to bed early. I didn't see Sarah until the next morning. She looked haggard, like she had a distinct lack of sleep. I asked her where she had been, mostly out of habit, after all we had been together for almost 6 years. She told me that she had gone down to the court house for Evelyn's arraignment to post bail (the courts here close at 1pm on the weekends, which is why she had disappeared soon after I went into my office) and that afterwards she had driven her to her parents house and spent the night. She made a point of telling me how horrible it was to have to explain to her parents that I had called off the wedding. I asked her if her parents knew the reason why and she barked, "Of course they do!" I tried to remain calm but by this point in this ordeal I was losing it. I bit back at her - "Are you going to move back there so that they have BOTH girls at home now?" It was childish and petty, but the fact that she bailed Evelyn out of jail annoyed me to no end. "You don't need to be an ass about this!" she said, to which I said, "And you don't need to be Evelyn's f-cking underling!" I could see Sarah visibly flinch when I said that to her. It obviously had struck a chord and the corners of her eyes started to tear up and I cooled my temper. We just sort of stood there, miles apart in the living room of our house and didn't say anything for a good solid minute or two until Sarah decided to continue talking. "Our parents are going to be here at three." I actually face palmed at this. I was about to go off on her for not consulting me on this, but decided that was just my own ego. After all, I did need to sit down with them and work out the details around the wedding and whatever remaining deposit we had and I needed to, at least once, face to face explain to everyone why it wasn't happening. So fine, let's do this and get it out of the way. I tried to make myself busy, but there isn't much you can do on a Sunday except waste time and time wasting isn't very enjoyable when you know you are heading into the meat grinder in just a few hours. Still, 3pm came and so did our parents. We all sat down at the large kitchen table that Sarah had bought just a month after we closed on the house. It was second hand, from Facebook marketplace, but she loved it because it was solid oak with a beautiful finish and capable of seating 8 (and just as heavy as that sounds). She always wanted to have big dinner parties with our families over, just not like this. The next three hours were grueling. No one was happy, nor should they be I guess. The best support I could get came unsurprisingly from my own parents, but even that was tempered. Essentially along the lines of "Well, it's his decision to make" which more or less means, "Yeah, we think this is crazy too, but we're still backing him." Honestly, that was fine with me. I didn't need my parents to get the stigma by association of canceling the wedding. I was fine with owning that. Eventually we worked out a decent deal in regards to the wedding - We would try to get back whatever money we could, split it back however it was contributed (some things like the honeymoon were all paid by me, or the flowers were all paid for by Sarah's parents) and then eat whatever losses there were communally. However, when it came to the subject of the house, Sarah vehemently objected to my idea of paying back her or her parents for the deposit. Basically, she didn't intend to move. Now, as you might imagine, Sarah and I hadn't really talked about the "us" or "us living together" situation in too much detail. The fact that I even brought up settling the house equity seemed to shock her because the implication here is that I expect her to move out of our home. She threw a fit and I don't blame her - I should have settled our relationship status with her first before trying to negotiate a payment plan with her parents. It really tipped my hand to everyone about how I was feeling about or relationship and while I think our parents expected it, or at least understood, Sarah was beside herself. She was absolutely not accepting of us breaking up over this and she made it clear. "I am not moving out of my house and we are not breaking up." she declared. And that's pretty much how my Sunday night ended. After our parents left, Sarah and I tried to talk it out some more but we kept running in circles around each other and I had to curb my natural inclination to run her down until we got a resolution. Truthfully, I was pretty damn tired as well and I just wanted to turn off my brain. Believe it or not, we just ended up sitting on the couch and watching a movie together in silence until it was time to go to sleep. We left it there with a "We'll talk about it more tomorrow" and retreated to our separate rooms. On Monday, I woke up to a large hand written letter slid under the door from Sarah. I took a brief look at the first few pages and decided I would deal with it later and went to work. When I left, Sarah was still in bed. She must have been up late writing that letter. At the office, I rescheduled some meetings and started calling venues and vendors that were on my list (the other ones were being handled by Sarah or her parents). It was a mixed bag of results - The catering people were adamant that I pay most of their fees under the pretense that they had "ordered most of the food" - I shot back at them over this, like were they expecting me to eat a week old steak? But my appeal fell on deaf ears. I tried talking to the woman who ran the catering business and explaining what happened, but that seemed to only firm up her resolve to get as much money as possible out of me. Inversely, the DJ that I had hired for the entertainment was incredibly kind and gave us back almost all of the money (it wasn't much however). Things went on like this and during the day between making calls and doing work, I read Sarah's letter. Now, this is 20 pages of written word so I'm just going to summarize. The gist of it was that ever since childhood Sarah has been bullied by Evelyn and in response, Sarah's way of dealing with this was to essentially go along with whatever Evelyn wants or wants to hear. She went on to say that it had become sort of a general way of operating in her life - that she was just afraid to rock the boat, to cause a problem or sometimes even to voice an opinion. I reflected on this because truthfully, when I look back at our relationship with a more critical eye, I kind of think that Sarah was a bit too perfect of a girlfriend. What I mean by that is, she never disagreed with me, never picked her plans over mine, or even really advocated too strongly against anything I wanted to do, she went out of her way to make herself appear useful and all around acted more or less like a "yes woman" in our relationship. I mean, we had never even so much as had a minor disagreement in 6 years, let alone a full blown argument until now. It sounds great from a relationship standpoint, until of course, it's not. I couldn't shake this feeling that Sarah has this deep seated insecurity and need to make people happy. You know what they call, "People Pleasing" behavior. When I start looking at it this way a lot of things make sense to me and I start to realize that despite being with Sarah for 6 years, I don't actually know her that well. It's like she's put up this image around her which is really just a mirror - a reflection of whatever she thinks people want to see and in the case of our relationship, she's more or less been acting my role of the "perfect girlfriend" while never really letting me inside to see who she is as a person. Hell, I can't even say that what I saw in those text messages is the "real Sarah" because it's almost certainly just another reflection - this time of Evelyn and all her warts and faults. This may sound weird, but its like we are in this unequal relationship. Whereas maybe she loves me for who I am and how I wear my thoughts on my face and my heart on my sleeve, but maybe I only love her for the mirror she is holding up to my face. I don't know, if this sounds too metaphysical for you then I'm right there as well. It's like this wisp of an idea that I'm still trying to catch by my fingertips. All I know is that in the last few days I've probably learned more about Sarah than I had in the last 6 years and the letter she wrote me was the first real view into her childhood that I had glimpsed. That night we talked more about this specifically, about her childhood, about her behavior. The conclusion that we came to is that she needs help. She's a grown woman who is sadly stuck acting like a child too scared to displease anyone, lest she face her sisters wrath, or her parents disapproval, or the loss of love from the ones she loves. This is no way to have a relationship and I can say, that I feel much more confident and assured that my decision to call off the wedding was the correct one. In fact, it could not be any more correct. That night, after our talk, I went to bed with much less angst than I had in a few days. So, this basically brings me up to our last update and once again, it's a freaking novel. I won't wait 2-3 days to do another one otherwise I will keep falling forever. For people who have been wondering, the entire situation with my brother is more or less resolved and I'll get to that tomorrow, but the situation with Sarah and I is still up in the air a bit, but there is a semblance of a plan going forward. I promise I'll get to it as soon as I can, but as you can imagine there is a lot to write and I can only do what I can do.     Reminder - I am not the original poster. submitted by /u/Stepoo to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

** New Updates - OOP posted a new update 13th August which is now included.*\* I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp in r/relationship_advice trigger warnings: child abandonment mood spoilers: postive for the future thanks to u/AssumptionOk2753 for suggesting this BORU. Updated version with a new update available here [I (26F) lied about who my baby daddy (26M) is. Do I tell him the truth now? - 30th July 2023 I (26F) grew up in the midwest but went to college in California. There I met and dated Jeff (26M) for our final two years of undergraduate. After graduation I stayed in California to get my master’s degree while Jeff entered the workforce. We were happy together and we planned to get married after I got my master’s. After I finished my schooling Jeff got cold feet about getting married and eventually becoming a father (abandonment issues from his bio dad leaving) so he broke up with me. Heartbroken feels like it would barely scratch the surface on how I felt. I had a great job in California so I stayed in hopes that Jeff would come to his senses and we’d get back together. We never did. He met Grace (25F) and started dating her about 5 months after we broke up. I started planning on moving back to my home state once I realized it was actually over. Then he and Grace broke up at the beginning of this year. Jeff and I ended up sleeping together a few times while they were broken up (it was a very public breakup, no cheating involved). About a week after the last time we had sex he told me that he and Grace were getting back together. He said he couldn’t remain friends with me because he still had feelings for me and he had to let them fade to be fair to Grace. His final words to me were to not call him unless I was literally dying and just wanting to say goodbye. I left California behind three weeks later. Two weeks after I had returned home I found out that I was pregnant. It’s Jeff’s. I wasn’t gonna be that girl that uses a pregnancy to get a man back so I deleted all my social media accounts and made new ones that don’t have my name attached to them. The only Cali people I added were trusted friends who I knew either had no connection to Jeff or who were loyal to me and wouldn’t tell him my new accounts.Early in my pregnancy I made the mistake of checking out Jeff and Grace’s respective profiles and saw that they refer to each other as “loml” and Jeff even had a picture of them captioned saying he was gonna marry that girl. That broke me all over again and I have since blocked them both and decided I had to move on with my life. I’m now 6.5 months pregnant. Since moving back I have bought my own house in my home state and have been busy building a nursery for my baby. I already love this little baby in my belly and I feel 100% confident that I can raise and provide for him on my own with minor help from my family.One of my best friends back in California was having an engagement party. I won’t be able to attend the wedding as I’ll be busy with a newborn when it happens so I decided to fly out to see my friends and offer my congratulations to the couple before my life becomes baby-centric.I got into town on Thursday and honestly had a blast seeing all my friends yesterday even though it’s only been about 6 months since I last saw them. They were all respectful of my wishes not to take pictures of me below the chest. They did post some pictures of me online but from the angles it just looks like I gained some weight in my face. Nothing that would give away my pregnancy. It’s a couple days before my flight back home and the friend that I’m staying with suggested we go to the store because she wanted to get a scrapbook for our engaged friend. So we went to the store and as we were getting ready to leave I saw Jeff’s cousin Tanya (22ish?F) walk in. I’d talked to her several times at Jeff’s family gatherings over the years but we never really got along. She was always a bit too gossipy for me to like her. So of course she was the last person I wanted to see. The first thing she did was loudly announce that I was pregnant as if everyone in the store couldn’t tell just by looking at me. Then she starts grilling me asking if Jeff knows. I said no and that he doesn’t need to know as it’s not his. That was a lie, obviously, but I didn’t want to open a can of worms. Tanya then tells me with how big my belly is that I’m far along and asked how could I move on so quickly. I told her that Jeff and I broke up a long time ago. She responded saying that everyone knows we were still hooking up at the beginning of this year. I did not know that was common knowledge. I figured Jeff would’ve kept his mouth shut about that. Anyway I lied and told her that I already had a new boyfriend and that I was 5 months pregnant. She seemed to accept that and awkwardly congratulated me. My friend and I paid for her stuff and left immediately after that. I prayed that would be the end of it. Like I said, Tanya is a gossip so of course she went and ran her mouth about seeing me pregnant just a few hours later. Now a bunch of my friends have messaged me saying that Jeff is blowing up their inboxes trying to reach me. None of them have told him my new number or social media so he has no way of reaching me himself. My flight back home isn’t for another two days and I’m freaking out. Some of my friends are saying that I should just tell him the truth now that he knows I’m pregnant. I still say I can get by pretending it’s someone else’s and that I’m not far enough along for it to be his. I honestly just want to ignore him and go back home. However I’m having some doubts that that's the right choice and there isn’t a consensus on what to do so I’m turning to internet strangers. TLDR; I got pregnant by my ex. Moved away, planning to raise the child myself. His cousin saw me and told him I'm pregnant. Now he's trying to get ahold of me and I just wanna go home and ignore him. Should I tell him the truth or just go home? Comments Unless you specifically don't want him in your life for your sake, you should tell him the truth. "I need to move on so please don't contact me unless you're on your death bed" also includes "Or it turns out you're pregnant" as an asterisk. I don't want him in my life, but it's not like a safety issue or anything. He was never abusive in any way. I've just moved very far away and I don't plan on coming back so why even start that discussion when there's no positive outcome is where my mind is at, I guess. Because one day your kid might decide they want to get to know their biological father, and then he will find out, and then he will realize that you decided to take away any chance for him to know the kid growing up. Your kid will also realize that you took away any chance for them to know their biological father while growing up. Yes, it's obviously a very difficult situation. He still deserves to know. You can emphasize to him that you're structuring your life based on the assumption that he won't be involved in the kid's life. Obviously that conversation would be years away but I never planned on hiding anything from my child. Idk exactly what I would say but I'd be honest that his father didn't abandon him. I like that last sentence. That's a very good way to phrase it. Thank you for that. He doesn’t sound like a dirtbag. That would be the only reason not to tell him. You both handled the breakup like adults, maybe trust yourselves to do that again. The baby will not be hurt by more love. I think he'd be a great father, but I just don't see how it would realistically work with co-parenting. I'm not renting, I bought a house. My life is back home and his life is here. Although even with that as a legitimate concern maybe I'm just really wanting to avoid having to have the conversation with him. ​ Update: I (26F) lied about who my baby daddy (26M) is. - 2nd August 2023 Hi everyone. So the consensus on my post was to tell Jeff about the baby being his. Even from just the first few comments that seemed clear. We did end up meeting up. It wasn't particularly interesting or dramatic but if anyone cares, here's what happened: He got ahold of the friend I was staying with on Instagram. I wanted to just talk to him on the phone but he insisted we talk in person asap. In retrospect I should’ve just waited until the next day but I kind of just wanted to get it over with and it seemed like he did too. Tbh I thought he was gonna tell me that he wanted nothing to do with the kid because I didn’t see any other reason why he wanted to talk in person right that second. Keep in mind it was almost 10 at night at the time. So my friend and I went to his parents’ house where he was waiting. His parents always treated me like family so I guess I felt comfortable being there even though we probably should've met at a neutral location. When we got there Jeff’s mom answered the door. She hugged me and I could tell she wanted to touch my stomach but she restrained herself and didn’t even ask, thankfully. I always liked her. We made awkward small talk as she led me to the living room. It was clear that they had just had a party as it was still messy with a bunch of drinking cups lying around and confetti on the floor. On the couch was Jeff and Grace holding each other’s hands. I was surprised that I honestly felt nothing for him at first. His stepdad offered me a seat but I chose to stand. I wasn't planning on being there long anyway. Jeff started off saying that I might be able to fool Tanya but he knows there’s no way I would’ve ever met a new guy and gotten pregnant that fast. So he asked why I didn’t tell him. I told him the truth, that the last time we spoke he told me not to contact him unless I was literally dying...and I’m not dying. He told me that he was trying to be respectful to Grace and that obviously this would’ve been an exception. Grace chimed in to tell me that I ruined her proposal. I found out later (third hand info but knowing Tanya I believe it) that the party at his parents house was for him to propose to Grace in front of all their friends and families. Tanya waited until after the proposal and when people were giving speeches she told Jeff she was so glad he got away from me and wasn’t gonna be stuck raising my baby. Then all hell broke loose at the party apparently. I had no idea that happened at the time or I honestly would not have went to see him at all. But hearing that he proposed was when it hurt. He broke up with me cause he was scared of marriage and kids but he dated her not even half as long as we did and she got a ring. I put on a brave face, or at least I think I did, and acted like it didn’t bother me but it absolutely did. His mom told Grace that it’s not my fault and now wasn’t the time for that. Then Jeff told me that “obviously [I] can’t move now.” I told him that I already did and I was only in California for the weekend. He countered saying that I have to move back. I told him no, I’m not doing that. He said well I can’t just leave. At that point I got frustrated and told him that I left months ago. My job is in my home state. I bought a house. All my doctor’s appointments have been there. I established residency there a long time ago. California isn’t my home anymore and hasn’t been for half a year now. So then he got frustrated and got up to approach me asking if he’s just supposed to send a paycheck once a month and saying this wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. I don’t really know what he meant by that second part cause he just found out I was pregnant a few hours before, but I assumed he was taking about his life plans? I forced myself to calm down and try to be empathetic. I told him that if he was worried about this screwing up his plans for the future that he had nothing to worry about. I don’t want or need anything from him. I’ve planned everything out from finances to childcare when I return to work to even setting up my baby’s college fund. It’s all taken care of already. He didn’t really say anything. I didn’t know if he was thinking or just relieved that I had it all handled. I told him he can still get married to Grace and have his own family someday. I promised I wouldn’t bother or blame him for anything. My baby will be loved and cared for. Jeff got teary eyed and told me that I know how he feels about this. He was referring to when he broke up with me and said that he didn’t wanna be a dad because he didn’t think he’d be a good one. He also has abandonment issues from his bio dad walking out on him, his siblings, and his mom when he was 6. I told Jeff that he’s not him (his bio dad). That he’s better than him and always will be. His mom started crying at this point I guess from seeing how his dad’s abandonment still affects him to this day. I promised Jeff that I wouldn’t let my baby think that Jeff was a deadbeat. I’d be honest that we just weren’t meant to be together and we live thousands of miles apart. He told me that he can’t just not be in his kid’s life and that I don’t understand what it could do to them. He asked if we could please just figure something out together. I asked him what did he realistically expect would be a solution. Because I’m not moving back to California and I highly doubt he and Grace wanted to pack their bags and move that far away from their own families and friends. I said I’m not gonna be sending my kid on a plane every few months either because that’s too much. Jeff didn’t say anything to that so I told him maybe that could be an option when he’s older and has more independence but right now it’s not happening. Jeff’s eyes lit up and he asked, “It’s a boy?” I’d been careful not to reveal the gender up until then but I messed up there. I nodded and he nervously asked if he could feel the baby. Before I could even respond Grace let out this loud wail and stormed off to the kitchen. Jeff apologized to me and then went to go comfort her. His mom excused herself as well as she was still crying. So she left and her husband followed her. That left me and my friend awkwardly standing alone in the living room. All we hear is his mom sniffling in the hallway and Grace sobbing while talking to Jeff in the kitchen. It was so incredibly uncomfortable. And I know many will hate me for this but I just felt overwhelmed by the whole thing. Maybe it makes me pathetic but having to stand in the room where a party was just held to celebrate Jeff proposing to another woman hurt so damn bad. So I left. I told my friend let’s get the hell out of here and we quietly walked out. We ended up staying in a hotel and I was able to get an earlier flight home on Sunday. Now I’m back home and putting my focus back on the nursery. I told my friends that I had talked to Jeff and I apologized if he still tried to reach me through them. I advised them to block him if it’s too much. I know this isn’t the end of things. I’m planning on reaching out to him again eventually. Even if he broke my heart I still care about him and I won’t deny him a relationship with his kid if that’s what he really wants. I have no idea how it’s gonna work and I’m only allowed to update once so I apologize that I won’t be able to tell anyone who cares how it all turns out. Thank you for the advice on my last post. Even though everyone was downvoting me and the post itself it was nice to get opinions without bias. Comments I think you did your best. It’s all any good parent can do. You were dealt a bad hand but your son is lucky to have you as his mother. Update 2 - 13th August 2023 I’m a little surprised to be writing this. I thought my update post was one and done but I guess it got reposted on another sub yesterday and gained traction there so a bunch of people have requested another update. I wasn't aware that people could make posts on their own profile either so I feel dumb for thinking that I could only update once, but here we are. I greatly appreciate the newer comments supporting me. The few comments I got from the relationship advice sub were all in support of Jeff and downvoting everything I commented. I felt like I was crowned the queen of Hell over there tbh. I haven't replied to any of the new comments because while most of you just read about the incident yesterday, for me it was 2 weeks ago. My hormones are all over the place due to my pregnancy but thankfully I'm past the headspace I was in that day and when I first returned home. I do appreciate all the well wishes for me and my baby though! Before I give an update I wanted to clear a few things up. First, I’ve seen a lot of comments saying that Jeff proposed to Grace within a few months after they started dating. That’s not true. Aside from the one month break up where Jeff and I conceived the baby they were together roughly a year and a half before the engagement (assuming they had no more break ups after. Idk their full history nor do I care to). Second, I feel like people were being a bit harsh on Jeff. I can honestly say he is not an abusive or controlling person. The man never so much as raised his voice at me in the four years we dated. He was a bit overbearing by demanding that I had to stay in California because that’s where he is, but he just found out about the baby and was panicking that I'd disappear and he wouldn't be able to contact me. Which to be fair, that's exactly what I did so I get it. I had a million thoughts, some wildly ridiculous when I think about it now, running through my own head when I found out too. Third, he wasn’t juggling Grace and I at the same time like people think. She broke up with him; they both thought for good at the time. He and I started having sex again but it wasn’t like we were in a sequel of the lovey dovey honeymoon phase. It was a weird and confusing time. We weren’t talking about getting back together. I already had a start date for my new job back home and my move was scheduled (he didn’t know any of that). I was still in love with him of course and I hoped he’d tell me he wanted to get back together and I would've stayed but he didn’t. Finding out he was getting back with Grace hurt but I can’t say I felt used for sex. I don’t think either of us knew what the hell we were doing by sleeping together again in the first place. Jeff is a simple man overall. I promise he’s not some supervillain taking advantage of women and playing with their emotions. I'm not making excuses for him. I wish it were that easy to say that he's a dirtbag and you should give me all your sympathy. In reality I know who Jeff is as a person, anyone who read my posts knows him as just a collection of bad and/or questionable choices he made. If you summarize anyone up to just the bad shit they've done of course they'd come off as an unlikable person. Jeff's not evil or manipulative. He's just got some stuff he probably should’ve worked through years ago and admittedly I never thought his issues were that prevalent until we broke up. Plus I’m positive that Grace knew we slept together while they were broken up. There’s no way that was a shock to her. He would’ve told her himself and even if he somehow hadn’t, if Tanya knew then everyone else knew shortly after. Guaranteed. Lastly, I appreciate everyone concerned about any custody issues that may arise from this. I was also amused by the people who were hyping themselves up thinking that I was delusional and actually gonna be forced to put my baby on a plane by court order. I’m not sure why so many people on Reddit are used to dysfunctional relationships where judges and a huge custody battle need to be involved, but that’s not us. Jeff and I were together and very much in love for years. It might be hard to picture that when you’ve only read about the shitty end of our relationship but everything before the break up was an ideal relationship which is exactly why it hurt me so much when he ended it. Things are weird now but we don’t hate each other. Our default option, even in a complicated situation like this, is not “We’re taking this to court!” That would be the last resort. I’m sure we’ll work it out between ourselves long before it ever gets there. So on to the actual update... I planned on contacting Jeff after a couple weeks. I wanted to take time to gather my own thoughts and figure out what I wanted to say. Instead, I got phone calls from his number about a week after I returned home. He left a voicemail asking me to call him so we could talk. I was honestly furious because there’s no way he should’ve been able to find my number unless somebody told him. It might not seem like it’s a big deal but to me I saw it as there being somebody who betrayed my trust in them. I texted him asking how he got my number. He said it wasn’t important and that he wanted to talk. I said it is important to me but he still didn’t wanna tell me. I told him we can talk when he tells me who he got my number from. So finally he told me who it was and sent a screenshot of the conversation when I asked for proof. It was the second least likely friend I would have expected to break my trust. That’s a whole other story though. So we talked over FaceTime and he told me that he absolutely wants to be in our son’s life. He doesn’t know how it’s gonna work long term and neither do I. There was no threat of lawyers or his mom shouting “grandparent’s rights” in the background like people were expecting. We’re adults and we’ll figure it out. The situation is not any easier to handle logistically, but emotions from that night have died down and we have clearer heads to move forward with. He did however have the audacity to tell me that he hates that I didn't tell him much sooner and that I wasn't planning to tell him at all until Tanya found out because he "thought we meant more to each other than that." I told him I thought we did to until he told me not to contact him unless I was dying. That shut him up quickly because he knows now that it was an extreme and unnecessary thing to say even if he wanted to cut contact with me. He's apologized for it and I apologized for not telling him about the baby myself. That's all we can really do. We're about to co-parent a child together so we don't get the luxury of holding a grudge with one another over past slights. He also told me that he and Grace are no longer together. He claims that it was a mutual decision but that sounds too easy to me. How do you go from newly engaged to broken up in 18 hours with it being a completely clean process? I’m guessing he’s just sparing me the ugly details on what must have actually happened. I do feel bad for Grace. Other than incorrectly assigning blame for her ruined engagement party she didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t know her personally but her proposal night should’ve been one of the best nights of her life and it was ruined. I wouldn’t want that for any woman. And because I know what everyone is gonna say, no I am not seeing this as an opportunity to get back together with Jeff. Honestly my focus is on my son right now. I’m not thinking about jumping into a relationship with anyone, much less the man who broke my heart once already. I think Jeff and I need to figure out how we’re gonna co-parent first and foremost. And tbh I want a man who loves me and chooses me for the person that I am, not because I happen to have given birth to his child. Plus I don't know that I could ever get over that he proposed to Grace over me. Even if they broke off their engagement I still wanna know why she got a ring and I didn't. And I am going to ask eventually, but I don't think any answer will ever make it okay to me. A lot of people said it wasn't that he didn't want marriage, he just didn't want it with me. I find that hard to believe because as I said above we really had an ideal relationship. Our breakup wasn't a buildup of issues. It really was as simple as "You want marriage and kids, I don't" which I think most would agree is just the natural end of a relationship. If it really is as simple as I just wasn't the one then I want him to look me in the eyes and tell me that himself. Jeff is a terrible liar even when he's lying for a good reason like a special surprise. He fidgets his fingers and can't maintain eye contact when he's lying. So if he looks me in the eyes and tells me his reason for why he chose to marry her and not me, I'll know if he's being honest. Jeff also told me that his mom wanted to send me stuff for the baby so he asked for my address. I declined. I’m positive that there are no nefarious reasons and she’s just excited and wants to help. This will be her first grandchild. However I still felt a little uncomfortable giving them my home address. He’s been texting me every day and calls me every night to say goodnight. Sometimes he wants to “talk” to the baby. It’s a bit confusing for me because he broke up with me because he didn’t want a kid but now he wants to be involved to the point where he’s going out of his way to contact me and ask if I need anything. It’s strange and I don’t really understand how his brain works but like I said in my last post I won’t deny him a relationship with his kid if he wants one. Jeff wants to visit me in person to talk properly, but I told him I’m not sure if that’s necessary right now. He asked to come last weekend and I said no. Then he asked again about possibly coming this weekend but I told him I can’t because I’m having my baby shower on Saturday. He wants to come. I’m not sure if that’s a great idea. I’m not worried that he would say or do anything bad and we're getting along over text/vc. I can tell that he just wants to be involved but part of me feels like it’s sort of... idk “playing house” almost? I guess it wouldn’t be a big deal if I made it clear he would be here as a friend and the father of the baby but not as anything more. My parents don’t think it’s a good idea but I know that’s just because they don’t like Jeff ever since he broke up with me. My sister who is more level-headed says that it could be a show of good faith that I’m serious about having a healthy co-parenting relationship and it’ll probably be easier to build that foundation now before the baby comes. My brothers don’t care either way but they say they’re ready to beat up Jeff if he does or says anything stupid. (He won’t, but I love my brothers for always looking out for me) I’m not sure what I’m going to decide but I know Jeff needs an answer soon so he can book a flight and a hotel room if I do say yes. I’m open to suggestions. Comments I think this is a decision you need to make from your heart. Traditionally baby showers are for the mother. It is not uncommon for fathers to not be at the event even when the couple is together. I think what it really comes down to is, it’s YOUR day, you are carrying this baby, if you feel that him being there in any way would lessen your enjoyment of the day then he doesn’t get to be there. I actually wouldn't mind if he was there. As long as he understood that I'm not gonna be metaphorically holding his hand and introducing him to everyone as he'd be the odd man out at a party full of my family and friends. I think my issue is the talk. He's gonna want to have a serious talk if he comes here, and like I said I have things I want to know too. But I don't want that to overshadow my baby shower. If he was willing to put that talk aside until after the shower I think I'd be fine with coming. ​ You need to get yourself a therapist so that you have a clear-headed and impartial person that can give you good advice. From experience, I can tell you pregnancy hormones can exacerbate emotions and everyone else is emotionally invested as well, so a neutral party will benefit you. I don't disagree with you at all. Last month I cried because I thought the weather was gonna be perfect one day and it ended up being two degrees higher than predicted which made me feel like the whole day was ruined. So believe me, I know all about the pregnancy hormones throwing off my equilibrium. It sucks cause a lot of women were telling me that my hormones would only be out of sorts for the first trimester when my body was adjusting to the pregnancy but for me its been on and off all throughout my pregnancy. ​ I think you are still hurt by Jeff, that's why you don't let him come to visit you. Don't push him, he really wants to be part of his baby life, you are demotivating him. Baby is not only yours, Jeff is not the same person that told you he doesn't want kids, he CHANGE and for good. You are entitled to your question (why no me?) But don't mix things. One thing is your personal relationship with him as former partners and other is the relationship as parents...the baby is not here yet but the bond could be built from before the birth it self. Can a man change that quickly though? Some people were saying that men do actually change their mind once it becomes a reality but that just seems really fast. I mean granted I didn't talk to him for 6 months and he did propose to someone so I guess he could've changed his beliefs regarding marriage and children. I am trying to separate the feelings though. Honestly when he and I talk it just feels like talking to a friend. If he had been talking to me the way he does now 6 months ago I probably would've been fantasizing about us reconciling but that's not the case. I just wanna do what's right for my son now. ​ I had a feeling Grace wasn't going to stick around honestly. Like others have said, this is more up to you, this is going to be your kid and your baby shower. You obviously want the people who love and care about you around, and to feel comfortable. You probably will feel pretty awkward having Jeff there, and others might find it uncomfortable too. I'd keep the party small with those who you want to be there. I agree with your sister though about maybe setting a base ground on co-parenting before the baby comes along, maybe with a secondary party if you feel uncomfortable meeting him alone. I get a small feeling he's going to try to weasel his way back in though, try to get back with you and become that happy family he never got to have. What would you do OP, if he confesses his love for you, wants back with you and tells you he regrets everything? What would you say because I feel like this will certainly be a possibility. If he did it right this second? I would tell him no. He left me and proposed to the next woman he dated. That was a gut punch. I'm not saying I would never get back with him, but it would largely depend on what his reason for why he proposed to Grace and not me. If it was just that he thought she was prettier or she made him happier or something that boiled down to "I saw it being possible with her" then I would never get back with him because that means I was his second choice and he only got back with me for our son's sake and not because he actually loved me more than her. I honestly can't think of a reason he could say that would make me feel better about it though. Not only that but it would take time. He needs to prove that he's serious about co-parenting and that he's not just gonna give up or decide that he was right the first time and he doesn't wanna be a dad. I genuinely don't think he would ever abandon his son because he knows that pain himself, but I can't say for sure that he won't until he proves it. Yeah, the first thing I told him was that if I decided he could come then he would need to get a hotel because I'm not letting him stay at my house. Not even in my guest room. That's just too close for where we are right now. ​ Originally flaired as inconclusive, as the OOP was not going to post more, but I think it would probably be better marked as ongoing now that she got more positive support from her posts. Reminder - I am not the original poster - Do not harass or brigade the OOP. submitted by /u/Stephenallen1977 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

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