Front Porch Decorating Ideas

...a texture limit cap with decorating the way I really want...of this added to use decorating the outsides of our houses... outside....quite often on people's front porches from the eaves in...house and the little patio porch area I created and it... add your own ideas or "frustrations" you've come across when decorating. This thread... is mostly decorating only.....I plan ...

... general stature ignores such petty ideas. Pushing over my pad, the... her to pivot on her ideas and try again, go back...…. Landing on my porch, I am inside within moments, the front door giving way to... the thriving network of plants decorating the space. Goodnight, Clearwater. ~Clearwater~ ... notes, I grimace. While my ideas were valid, and my interest ...

submitted by /u/Kayakerguide to r/toolsweek [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwawaythehatersok Originally posted to r/AITAH Previous BoRUs: #1, #2 [New 2-Year Update]: Fiancé thinks I am an ass for not converting NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder & u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: mentions hate crime, religion abuse, verbal abuse, threatening behavior, harassment, stalking, physical violence RECAP Original Post: August 21, 2024 Throwaway as my main he follows. I've never posted on this sub before so please delete if not allowed. I (F35) and my Fiancé "Todd" (M41) met over a decade ago and we have a mutual friend group. We started dating last year, and got engaged last month. Generally speaking, he treats me like a queen. He spoils me a lot and I appreciate it always. He's usually respectful and kind, communicative and patient with me. This started to change and I want to say it started to change once the ring was accepted. I need to be clear, I don't much care to get married. I am perfectly fine with not. My parents aren't married but they have been in love and together for over 40 years. My siblings are all but one unmarried but in seemingly happy relationships each at least for 5 years. But Todd is Christian and is of the mind that two people eventually need to get married to be happy. We talked about it at length both before we were a couple and after we started dating. I was clear that I don't want or need a ring but if it's important to a partner I come to love then whatever. I will do a small wedding. He was overjoyed when he proposed and I said yes in front of pretty much everyone in our little world but later said that I didn't seem excited enough and it felt like I didn't want to marry him. I said I love him and if he wants a marriage then sure, but to say I want to marry? I mean I know he wants to, and if that's what he wants, and since it doesn't matter to me either way, the math was easy. Let's get married. I said it sort of jokingly to lighten the mood, but he didn't like that at all and nearly every other day he would find a way to ask me if I really wanted to marry him or he would simply that he feels like I don't. I suggested couples therapy as it seems to really be on his mind and troubling him, and he said he's done therapy before and doesn't need to do it again. Then last week, on our usual date night, he said he had something really big to ask me. "Call it a favor if that makes it better" and asked me to come to his church and get baptized. I stared at him. I am atheist and have been since I was mid-twenties. He has known that for years, and we've always been respectful of each other’s beliefs. I told him I couldn't do that. Baptism is supposed to be sacred and with a true heart for that faith, and I simply would be a liar if I said I wanted to live for his god because I frankly don't. He argued that it's just "a splash of water and some words," and since he wants it before our wedding and I "don't care about religion either way," this should be easy. I refused again explaining that I do care about religion. My majors were World Religions and Anthropology. I care a LOT. And it would be dishonest to his god and our community for me to dedicate my life to his religion outwardly but not inwardly. I said it felt disrespectful to his faith and the people who truly live it. He got angry with me "oh so you're okay, disrespecting me, though," and when I asked what he meant, he said to drop it and changed the subject. I pressed more, but he raised his voice. "I said drop it." Loud enough for others to turn and look at us. He'd been robotic around me since. Days up in his study all night, sleeps on his study couch, goes to every service and event/gathering his church has (which is most weekday nights and Saturday morning as well as Sunday) and has been inviting me to every single one. He hadn't done that since we started dating he did it then I said I respect his beliefs and will go to something like a wedding or christening or baptism but not a simple service or event. When he asked me just a few minutes ago tonight, I reminded him of the above and he just dropped into our couch and sobbed and when I went over to comfort and talk to him, he pushed me away and left muttering something about running late for service. ---- His sister "Esther" texted me to ask what happened and I gave a brief summary, and she texted back that I am being a jerk and one service isn't going to make me "burst into flames" and it's important to Todd. So am I being a bone head? Am I crazy to think that this pressure is a deal breaker? I do love him, but this version of him is not only a stranger to me but a weight on me. But aren't people supposed to work through that hard shit to get on in a relationship? Edit to update. He texted me a few minute ago saying when he gets home he wants to have a serious talk. I explained that my best friend is over so it will have to wait, and he replied "No. Tell her to leave. Give her my love but this is serious." I talked with my bestie "Bessie" F35 and read some of the comments here and told him no indeed. He can go home to his parents, and he is welcome to come in and pack a bag and leave because Bess is here for me right now, and I need her here for me right now. He hasn't responded. ---- Edit to respond to things that have come up a lot either in messages or comments: He has never raised a hand to me. He would never and if it's not for the reason I used to think - that he's not a dick - it would at least be because I am a military brat. Both parents. So not only am I trained to defend myself well, but my parents AHEM would not take kindly. A lot of people brought up kids. I can't get pregnant. I did want kids and then this happened. So now I am okay with the idea of not having any. He said he was okay with that too and we talked about just being dog rescue people. My family likes him. My father, a pastor, loves the guy. But no I haven't told him about this yet. He is non-denominational and goes to a "mega church" in our state. Literally thousands of people. No, it is not a requirement for marriage at his church for me to convert. AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Relevant Comments OOP lists all the "stuff" she has done for him to a downvoted commenter Here Just to be clear, what doesn't count as stuff for him? Is it that instead of paying a fraction of his college costs for this upcoming semester, I covered it all for him? Is it that I gave him my old car when his broke down and transferred it to his name without him paying a dime? Oh hold on, I know, it's because I cook for him every weekday when I am home, do our grocery shopping so he doesn't have that on his plate, let him move in rent-free because he couldn't afford to renew his lease and even got a he-shed out back for him out of my own dime, so he has a place to decompress and paint. No not that... I should have funded his WHOLE mission trip last year instead of half...is that it? Ohhhhh I know what you're talking about, it's that I do the majority of the housework so he can focus on his degree. Nah you probably just mean that I took the time last year to find his undergrad college years buddies and flew his mother in for his 40th birthday, had it catered, decorated, and hired a bartender. Or is it more basic like the fact that when he went vegan, I switch up my whole lifestyle and only eat vegan when out and about and purged all non-vegan items not for the dog from the home. Thank you because actually I am now seeing I do so damn much for this man and he should treat me like a queen because I treated him like a king. This was eye opening. Commenter 1: NTA Time to break up. But, dang, I love how so many Christians take their religion less seriously than we do. An insincere baptism is indeed disrespectful yet so many Christians want nonbelievers to do it! OOP: This is what confuses me most. If it's such an important part of his life, how is he okay with me lying and insincerity "devoting" my life to Christ? I am not against people who have faith. But those that I know who do - truly do beyond platitudes and the mainstream, are kind and loving and would be offended so much if someone faked it and lied about it and gone through sacred rites and the like. It doesn't make sense why he keeps switching sides on it. Commenter 2: No it's a ploy. "Oh just get baptized, it's not serious, just some water and some words!" "Oh please come to the service, the pastor really wants to meet you!" "I told the Youth Leader that you'd help, I'm sure you don't mind? It's for the kids, it's not really religious, just a prayer at the beginning and end!" "But sweetheart we HAVE to raise our kids in the church, what will everyone think?" They've got a script- no seriously- on how to trickle-truth convert someone. He's getting IMMENSE pressure from the church to bring you into the fold, to save you, to prevent you from being 'unequally yoked', to hunt and win a soul for Jesus. OOP: That is...terrifying. I was clear when I left the church eons ago that I am not and will not follow that faith. He never hinted once that I can think of to do what you're saying but it really makes me think this might be exactly what he's doing. I can't get pregnant so kids are out of the equation, but I couldn't bear it if he tried to push me more into his church life. I'm involved a bit to make him happy. I do help at certain events and such. I have skills they sometimes need, and not at all opposed to a food or clothing or back to school drive and the like. I figured it less about it being a church event and more a community event where we helped people.   Update #1: August 28, 2024 (one week later) Last week I posted about a problem between myself (F35) and my Fiancé "Todd" (M41) because despite having been respectful of each other’s beliefs until now, he is Christian and I am an atheist, he now wants me to get baptized. It came to a head, and he stormed out so I called my BFF to keep me company since I was pretty sad and emotional. I do a lot for him and Bess, the bestie, and a lot of you here helped me see that the relationship as is either needs to have serious changes to it or it needs to end. Logical. But logic is hard to cling to when you're heartbroken. I think I already knew he wouldn't change anything for me. I did text him that night that he needs to go back to his parents’ house - the house we live in is mine - and that I needed space. Guess he and his sister gave his parents an alternate version of events because they came by that night anyway. All of them. His mom, dad, sister Esther, and him. He had a key, so he just walked in as Bess, and I are drinking on the couch watching Netflix. I asked what he was doing here, and his family came into the room behind him. I asked what's going on. The way he looked at me is unexplainable, but his mom pushed by him and just yanked me into a very aggressive hug. She said that they were here to talk as a family and have a family meeting. And then told Bess she needed to leave. Bess refused. His mom turns to me to ask me to have Bess leave. I refuse. Its late, and I'm in not state to talk anything else. Please leave. It devolves into passive aggressive disapproval that I won't take guidance from the man I plan to marry. His parents (his father is a pastor) sat down to give me what felt like a whole pre-planned spell about how I am an adult and need to act like one and kicking a man out of his home for "doing the right thing" is a tantrum. His dad once even said that he is so disappointed in me and will be telling my father (also a pastor) about this. Gotta be honest I was dumbfounded for 85 percent of this and then finally (I guess it was the booze) started to laugh and told them to get out. His dad refused and called me volatile and suggested I get counseling. I told him this is my house, and I will call the police and to get the FUCK out. It was the first time I cussed in front of them. Pearls were clutched, I was called trashy and Bess held her phone like "okay, I am calling the cops, she asked you to leave." I heard his dad say "You're not marrying that" as they left and they muttered other hurtful things making a whole thing of them being sad and disappointed by me. They left. Todd packed a bag and left with them. He continued to text me invites to services. "It will help you." Stating that he is concerned about me and the path I am choosing. That his parents aren't sure he should marry me, but he loves me and wants what's best for me. I told him I need space and to leave me alone, but he kept texting. I said that the wedding is off and Sunday when I got home from running errands he was on the porch crying. He had a hand written letter that he wanted to read to me, but I said absolutely not and told him to go away. He kept asking me to think about what I am doing and how my choices effect more than just myself and more. I pointed to my doorbell cam and said I have footage of me repeatedly asking him to leave and Bess was recording the night his parents and sister and he ganged up on me. Go. Away. He threw his hand up like he was going to strike me and I just screamed. I didn't even mean to, it was so sudden and it scared me. He went to start apologizing but a neighbor came out to see what was happening and he just left. I texted him to never come back ever - he is no longer welcome. I will mail his stuff to his parents, but he is no longer welcome on my property ever again. He tried to apologize but I no longer care to hear any of his words. He did leave his written letter and I have read it. So has Bess. She keeps telling me it's just manipulation, but it just breaks me. The locks get changed tomorrow. Bess is helping me pack his shit. His father is picking up his stuff tonight. And I am just sitting here replaying the past week and a half in my head over and over. I know it’s pathetic, but I am shattered. I haven't been able to really sleep yet, and I feel like I don't even reside in my own body anymore. Just going through the motions. Bess is staying with me. I've been getting texts and social media comments about how disgusting I am - like my notifications just went insane over the weekend. This is just a nightmare and I'm not even sure how to wade through this. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: It is so hard to believe that he kept hidden that he wanted to convert you before marriage. That is the only explanation for this behavior so far into our relationship and close to marriage. It seems like he was keeping counsel with his parents while telling you what you wanted to hear. OOP: It's hard for me to fathom this. I thought we loved each other. I would do most anything for him, and I thought he felt the same way. But the way his family came down on me, it was surreal. If Bess weren't there, I really can't say what they might have convinced me off. It was a lot. They were all basically echoing the same sentiments and making it out that I was deranged and stupid and more. I didn't let them see my tears, but it was a devastating tirade of attacks, and I was so tired and so in my feelings that it was all too much. Bess thinks it was a coordinated effort to overwhelm me into complying, and if I was alone, they would have pushed me over the edge into believing them. Commenter 2: OP, don't meet with the father when he comes to get stuff. Pile that shit in the yard and let daddy haul it away. As for people blowing up your phone, block every last one of them. OOP: Bess is here with me, and she will meet him at the door. All Todd's shit is boxed up out front. So if all goes to plan, I won't even have to see the guy. If not, the people who live in proximity are keeping an eye out. Commenter 3: Why don't you post the footage on social media? From the parents bombarding you to him coming back and trying to strike you. Show them the truth. You have the footage. OOP: Bess shares your enthusiasm for this option. I am too tired/stressed/hurt to even deal with that. I want to speak with my parents first, make a plan, really be able to make the steps forward that I need. I am so empty but angry, but sad, but a thousand other things. I'm just not in a state I trust my own judgement right now. Posting it is something that can't be taken back. So if I do, I want to be sure and above reproach. &nbsp: Trigger Warnings: physical violence Update #2: September 22, 2024 (over three weeks later) I don't know how to do trigger warnings, only that they are important when writing posts. So I wanted to add this up here. Physical violence happened. I want to start with I am mostly okay now. I am safely at Bess's being fussed over by her hen-ness and finally have been able to sleep and eat somewhat normally. Todd's father was on my doorstep again not long after my last post. Bess told him through the door that everything he needed was right there and to grab it and leave. He got mad demanding I come out to speak with him calling me a cowardly and sick woman and other insults. Bess just said he can save it for the camera because I am not there (I was) and he just loaded his car, said he would pray for me, and left. We thought that to be it, but then a couple knocked on the door. I don’t know them personally, but I do recognize them as from Todd's church, so I kindly explain that we've broken up and to reach out to their pastor to find him. They then told they are here for me and asked to be invited in. I said no. The guy asked me to please not be inhospitable (exact word - TF) and I said that this will be the last time I politely ask them to leave. So they left. I ordered no trespassing signs online but the next day a different couple from the church pulled the same stunt except this time the guy was aggressive. He used my birth name (I changed it legally 4 years ago) and argued with me through the door cam and his wife kept trying beg me to keep the peace and come out to talk. I refused. A week after that, Todd was back but my dad was over. He had heard about this situation and oddly enough was trying to convince me to come stay back home for a bit. When Todd was outside, Dad stepped out. Dad's retired military and very tall and ordered Todd to leave. That's when Dad asked again for me to come home so I compromised that I would go to Bess's. While I was away Dad would check on the house and take in packages and put the no trespassing signs up. He also added cameras and came over to Bess's to make sure I had the app sync'd. After a few days I don't know how to explain it, but I just felt cooped up, so Bess and I went with a mutual male friend Sam M35 for drinks. Todd was there. He walked in about an hour after me and Bess. Sam spotted him first and got up blocking our booth from him. He saw us and went to the other side of the bar and just sat a while. Sam and Bess asked me if I wanted to leave and I did so we went next door. Todd showed up soon after. We moved to the pub next door and same. It happened 4 separate times and Bess recorded it each time. Sam drove us around a bit, and we needed up at a different bar miles away and Sam asked me if I had checked my stuff. We went through my purse and found nothing, but I remember that my location was on an app I shared with friends and family. I removed Todd from it and texted a few others to say I was turning my location off and did. I checked my cameras and sure enough Todd was parked on the street right in front of my house. He stayed there for over an hour. Sam convinced me to call the police. I could see they talked with him, but it didn't pick up audio that far out. Todd left without incident. I made a full report with recordings the next day. I was told that he did nothing illegal, and he's allowed to exist in public spaces and that night he was on the street, not my property, so he's off the hook there too. He never approached me. He never spoke to me. He did nothing wrong. So they can make the report, but no charges are available to me. The cop who told me all this was very condescending, and he seemed to just want to be done with me, so I left. About a week later, I had recordings of him coming to the same parking spot in front of my house 4 times and just sitting there. Then, that Friday, he showed up at the bar Sam works at. Sam had him tossed out but he refused and so Sam had him legally trespassed, but when the cops came around Todd argued that Sam is a bigot and he is targeting him for his faith and he is friends with "My wife" who is atheist. He got a warning but left on his own. I've been with Bess the whole time but now I think I have to tell my dad as he's still showing up at my house. Bess is helping me find a lawyer to help since the police haven't been taking me seriously. This is just so fucking insane. It doesn't even make sense. Sam put no trespassing and no soliciting signs on my property, and I am digging into my savings to get a fence up. I can't believe this is my life right now. Edit: so sorry - I put up the trigger warning but edited out the violence I think subconsciously because I didn't want to upset anyone. When Todd came around one time a neighbor of mine who knows what's been happening went up and told him I don't want him there and asked him to leave and Todd shoved her down to the ground and raised a fist like he would strike her but then drove off. I have the footage and sent it to her in case she wants to press charges. Relevant Comments OOP might be in danger if she stays in the area OOP: It's why I tried to go to the police, but they aren't doing anything. The best I can do right now is not be in the predictable spaces I used to go to and try to prepare to move. Does the police have the footage from OOP? OOP: The police have everything. I have an ongoing email thread with the Sgt complete with links and folders and all the footage and photos I have. They haven't done anything and say that if my neighbor presses charges they have the footage on file. Commenter: What country/state are you located. That could have a lot to do with stalking laws that vary from place to place. If you’re in a place that has good stalking laws, take your evidence to the women’s advocate for domestic violence. OOP: I am in a southern state of the USA. I am learning from talking with people that it’s not uncommon that police aren't all that helpful in cases like this.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Trigger Warnings: mentions hate crime Update #3: May 13, 2026 (nearly 20 months later) Posting on my own account for anyone who cares... Been a minute. I almost didn't update because most updates I see are either the best or worst and I didn't want to disappoint but therapy, time, and a chosen family helped me to realize, FUCK THAT. I should be proud of my journey and I am. I'm doing this on the move so sorry if it's jumbled. It has been a little over a year now since my last update and I honestly never thought I would come back here again. For a while I couldn't even look at this account without feeling physically sick...that’s what dealing with abuse looks like. I never would have imagined he abused me before I started this account but turns out? He did. Emotional abuse is a sneaky bastard and it got me so yeah I didn’t want to come back to the account that made me feel stupid at times. It felt tied to one of the worst periods of my life and for a long time I wanted to just lock all of it away somewhere and never think about it again. But life kept happening. Good and bad. Mostly quieter now. Which I think maybe is what healing actually looks like. Not dramatic happiness. Just...quiet. I moved. Not immediately after everything happened, but eventually. I realized I was spending more time staring at camera notifications and checking parking lots than actually living. Every car slowing near my house made my stomach drop like is it him? A friend? A member of the church? It was...hard. Every knock at the door felt like my body was preparing for impact when usually it was a food delivery. I was exhausted all the time from being scared without realizing my exhaustion. So I rented the house out. Ironically, my renters are probably the most self-sufficient people alive. They're older... veterans, and within the first month, texted me things like, “Fixed the sink. Here are pictures. Don’t worry about reimbursement.” They once repaired part of the fence before I even knew there was a fence issue. They know the history. They know why the cameras are there. They were completely unfazed by it all, which honestly helped me calm down too. My dad still checks on the property sometimes because I think retirement has him inventing side quests for himself. Speaking of him 😳, apparently, my father has secretly been a successful romance novelist for YEARS. I wish I was kidding. This man spent my childhood acting like technology was an elaborate government trap and now I find out he has apparently written multiple religious romance and historical romance novels under pen names. My siblings and I found out because one of his books got recommended in a church women’s Facebook group and the pen name in question was easy to figure out when you're in said family 🤣 annnnnnywayyyy He’s retiring soon and honestly seems peaceful in a way I haven’t seen before. Less “stern pastor dad” and more “man who wants tomatoes in his garden and to email you blurry bird photos.” lol. I happen to enjoy gardening, so I've been helping every couple weeks and it's produced a lot of produce I don't buy anymore...I just grow....🤷‍♀️ Guess he's the family community garden now lol As for Bess: she is okay, thankfully. But she ended up moving out of the country after she was targeted in a hate crime. I am not sharing details because it’s her story, not mine, but it shook both of us badly. I supported her leaving completely. I miss her all the time, but we still talk constantly and play games online together almost every week. Distance somehow has not changed her ability to aggressively mother hen me through a headset. 🤣. “Did you drink water?” “Did you eat?” “You sound tired.” “Why are you awake at 2am?” Sometimes I think if she could physically emerge from Discord like a ghost and hand me soup she would. "Andrea"... the neighbor Todd shoved? did initially want to press charges. I gave her all the footage I had. But she moved not long after and we eventually lost touch outside of occasional holiday messages. I honestly do not know what came of it legally after that. I still feel guilty when I think about her getting dragged into my mess just because she tried to help me. And Todd. I know people will ask. I have not spoken to him directly in a very long time. But there was one thing. Before I moved, I still had access to an old social media/business account I used to help manage for his side business. I can’t really explain more without making myself wildly identifiable, but I forgot I even still had access until one day I got tagged in notifications. And there it was. An announcement post. Very polished. Very church-approved. Very “God’s plan” 🙄 Todd had apparently married a woman from another church family only a few months after my last update. Which was already enough to make me stare at the screen for a full minute like “what in the Hallmark channel is this?” But THEN. The announcement mentioned they had been “quietly courting for nearly two years.” Two years. I actually laughed out loud when I read it because at that point if I didn’t laugh I think I would have evaporated into atoms. Sir. You were in MY house crying about baptism. What do you MEAN two years!? He’s also apparently an assistant pastor now which somehow feels both shocking and exactly where this was always heading. It bothered me at first in a way I can’t fully explain. Not jealousy. More like that surreal feeling when someone who traumatized you gets absorbed back into community life seamlessly while you’re still trying to remember how to sleep normally. But honestly? That feeling slowly died. I don’t spend my days angry anymore. Mostly I just feel distant from that entire chapter of my life. Like it happened to another version of me. I’m seeing someone now, very casually and very slowly. We’ve only been together a couple months and we’re intentionally taking our time. No rushing. No merging lives overnight. No dramatic forever promises. Just honesty. Quiet. Consistency. Turns out I value consistency a LOT now. Who knew right? Also I adopted a rescue dog who is approximately 80 percent pet-wh*re and anxiety. And somewhere along the way I started volunteering more heavily with rescue organizations, specifically helping people in abusive situations keep or safely place their pets temporarily. That became very important to me because one thing I learned during all of this is how many people stay in dangerous situations because they’re terrified of what will happen to their animals. A shocking number of shelters still can’t accommodate pets. So now I spend a lot of time helping with transport, fostering coordination, emergency supplies, things like that. It feels good to do something tangible. To make somebody’s world slightly less frightening for a moment. I still have rough days. Remembering still makes my chest tight. Sometimes seeing a car similar to Todd’s too many times in one day still flips some primitive switch in my brain. But I sleep normally now. I laugh easily again and more recently I actually just got tipsy and had fun singing with friends at karaoke. I go places without mapping exits first for fun. And for a long time I genuinely didn’t think I would get back to this version of myself. Anyway. That’s the update. Also if my father’s secret romance author identity gets exposed and he becomes famous on Christian Book Tok I am legally changing MY name this time because nooooooo thank you siiiiir 😅. &nbsp: DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Would love to hear your thoughts on what you would add to the front of this house to make it look inviting. Currently there is a light to the left of the garage and can lights in the roof of the porch. There is a ledge in front of the bottom floor window. There are two metal hanging planter rods (only the left showing on the image) on the posts. My thoughts are: a bench (or two chairs with small table) under the window, plants along the ledge, solar lanterns on the steps to the left of the door and a tall tree/plant to the right of the door. What am I missing or what are some better ideas? I’m terrible at decor decisions! submitted by /u/Karelle11 to r/HomeDecorating [link] [comments]

Hello im looking for some decor ideas to prevent people from coming to my porch and trying to sell me things. Theres a porch with two beams in front that i could install a chain going across but it seems a bit trashy to have a chain. What are ways i can prevent people i dont know coming to my porch without making it look unsightly? submitted by /u/xPrincessVile to r/HomeDecorating [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Desperate_Earth_6763 Originally posted to r/neighborsfromhell BoRUs: #1 [New Update]: My crazy neighbor poisoned my creek and stole water Editor’s note: made small edits for ease of readability Trigger Warnings: assault, harassment, bullying, theft, property damage, entitlement, controlling behavior, fraud, child abuse / abandonment, breaking and entering Mood Spoilers: rage Editor’s note: For the original post, I have put it into a summarizing TL;DR, due to its length. The full text can be found in the first BoRU linked above. RECAP / TL;DR Original Post: May 10, 2025 OOP lives in a semi-rural neighborhood with a hot spring-fed backyard hot tub and a stream running through the area, used by all neighbors for gardens and recreational purposes. OOP's neighbor, referred to as "CN" (Crazy Neighbor), is described as litigious and entitled, previously sued former homeowners and later trying to impose bizarre rules on the neighborhood, like claiming everyone should have access to each other's hot springs and that kids can play in private backyard streams. OOP has a neighbor, Jay, who has been on their side from day one. After moving in, OOP had an unpleasant encounter with CN, who tried to impose these rules on OOP's property. Despite being told no, CN's kids were caught playing in OOP's hot spring, and CN herself later hired workers to pipe hot spring water into her yard without OOP's permission. Once OOP confronted her, CN showed a questionable contract claiming OOP agreed to supply her with water, though OOP had no recollection of signing anything and planned to prove the document was forged. Things escalated when CN began dumping chemicals into the communal stream, poisoning OOP’s garden. OOP is considering legal action and gathering evidence to protect the property. They have also reached out to a lawyer for advice and are trying to figure out the next steps, including using video footage as evidence. In short: OOP's neighbor is wreaking havoc by stealing water and poisoning the stream, and OOP is looking for legal advice and ways to protect their property.   (Editor’s note: For the rest of the updates below prior to OOP’s newest ones, they are in OOP’s words as they contain important details in order to understand the context)   Test results: May 10, 2025 (four hours later) Update 1: Jay offered to use a large drum in his garage to temporarily remove the water from the stream and seeing your comments, I’m taking him up on his deal. All the neighbors down the street that I’ve talked to so far (two besides Jay) agreed. One who has two sons said that they might block off the start of the stream. It is a small outlet of a moderately sized creek. It will probably be blocked off not that hard. Jay said that he can probably get the drum in place by tonight as his dad can help. Jay also has a sweet dog and definitely wants to protect it. I am going to remove my plants from the soil nearby the stream. Also, for reference in size of the stream, it’s about 1-2 feet across. Truly just a stream. There’s lots of obstacles and things that would probably filter out, but we definitely still have to be safe. I’ll update later tonight or tomorrow. Update 2: Big news! The nice neighbors’ kids dammed up the stream at where it starts. It’s a couple pieces of wood, a branch or two, and a lot of small rocks. There’s still a tiny bit of water flowing, but it’s absorbed by the soil higher up before CN. Jay got the drum out, but we turned out not to need it. There’s water still in the pools in his backyard and we plan to do a water test. Apparently pH tests are sold in a store just 10 mins away, so I will head there as soon as I finish this post. Update 3: Jays getting the pH test and an oxygen level test, but I don’t know how oxygen levels would play into it. I’ll look at responses and figure out what to do next. I will call authorities soon. Update 4: The water test: pH came lower than the creek water before CN’s house (a full .9 lower). Nitrates a bit higher, Dissolved Oxygen significantly lower. That’s the only real changes in between the two tests. I wonder if she just poured a lot of vinegar. I think herbicides do change pH, but .9 is quite a bit I think.   Cops pick up crazy neighbor: May 11, 2025 (next day) Update 5: Big update! The makeshift dam broke and water has been flowing down, but it’s been slow. CN complained to a neighbor up the street that she’s on speaking terms with about me being a major asshole for not letting her kids use my hot spring tub. She let it slip that she poured vinegar in the stream as “justice”. The neighbor was also shown the contract for the pipes and she said that she didn’t even have it signed by me. She and her lawyer had signed it, but without any signature space for me. I thought that she forged my signature, but she didn’t have any agreement (fraudulent or otherwise) on my side whatsoever. The neighbor similarly dislikes her, but their kids are friends, so she has to talk to CN. I sent all the info to a local environmental charity that has contacts within environmental protection agencies. They usually deal with lakes and dumping, so this was in what they deal with regularly. The police were outside CN’s house a couple hours ago and took her to the station. CN is back at her house, now yelling over the fence profanities while I’m having a coffee. I don’t know if they arrested her and she payed bail or that she just was taken in for questioning or something. I know her brother in law works at the police station, but I wouldn’t doubt that her family members have a strained relationship with her. I hope that she’s stuck with a giant fine and/or jail time. CN’s lawyer still hasn’t served me regarding the pipes, and my lawyer is saying that CN has no case whatsoever. I’ll update as soon as anything interesting comes up. Update 6: My power just went out in most of my house. I think CN just flipped the breakers to annoy me. Going outside ASAP Update 7: CN indeed did flip the breakers. As far as I know, the security camera has an internal battery for some time after it’s disconnected from the power, so I don’t have to worry about her doing anything.   Revenge Tactics: May 11, 2025 (one hour later) While the government does its thing against my neighbor, I would like to do the most legal annoying thing to do. Currently, I'm thinking about removing the piping and separating the original cost. I think I will send every piece individually through a local copy/print/delivery shop. I know the owner and I think he would think it would be hilarious and agree to it. The plan (please help with it): 1) Remove the piping from the ground and separate every piece into small plastic baggies (and boxes). 2) Bring to copy/print/delivery shop 3) Plan deliveries of each package every period of time over a long time that require signage 4) Wait 5) Tip the copy/print/shop a hundred bucks What do you think? What else could I do?   The beginning of sweet revenge: May 11, 2025 (three hours later) I called the owner of the copy/print/delivery shop and he agreed to what I said in the previous post. I removed all of the pipes from my yard and put them into bags. I didn’t have as much plastic bags and boxes as I thought so I’m paying extra for the owner of the copy shop to supply them. He just delivered the first one to CN (I watched from the street) and CN’s husband answered. He shouted for CN and she came up. I didn’t hear any of the discussion, but she signed delivery sheet, took the package (of a single small corner pipe piece), and stormed into her house. She went up to the 2nd story window and proceeded to glare at me since, still glaring as I sit on my couch while writing this. Working from home will be so nice for watching this.   Crazy Neighbor's weak jabs at me: May 11, 2025 (four hours later) Since my last post, there has been one more pipe delivery to CN and she is pissed. She stormed over to my house (after signing the delivery which I thought she would stop doing) and banged on the door. I started recording my front door and opened the door (I'm not dumb enough to let her in). CN starts shrieking about how I'm awful and that I had to keep the pipes installed as it was her property and that we had a contract. When I told her that the contract wasn't legal at all, she starts screaming at me. I stepped inside for a second and called the police with the door closed. CN continues banging on my door. I don't open until a police car comes down the street. I tell the police that I don't want her ever to be on my property and that she is trespassing. They relay that to her, and she takes up a hurt old lady act (for reference, she is in her 40s). CN tells them that my hot tub burned her youngest child and that I was luring kids in. I showed the police the camera footage and they asked her to come to the station with them. I'm assuming that she made some fake report, but I guess that will be another charge of lying to a police officer. I think that the officer (not CN's brother-in-law) believed me and saw that she was in fact a CN. I saw CN get back into her house and once again went up to the top window, staring. I closed the blinds. I thought she would stop (honestly it doesn't bother me), but to my surprise, she crosses the street to the side of the hill (there’s a slope on the other side of the street from the houses. There's more houses up the slope) and stares through my front window. I don't have blinds for that one and was about to head to a different room when I see her trip backwards (there’s a small ditch for runoff) and land on her butt. CN lets out a ungodly shriek (it wasn't that loud, but I'd like to say it was) as she storms back into her house. I feel at this point, with all of the stuff from my lawyer, from reddit, and neighbors saying that I am completely in the right and that CN is insane has made this more into entertainment than a scary situation for me. I have multiple locks arriving in a couple days and a new security camera for the side yard. If you have any legal suggestions, please tell me. If there's anything I should be aware of, please tell me.   Pulling back and going forwards legally: May 12, 2025 (next day) I’ve been told that messing with CN is probably not going to help out legally, especially with a restraining order, so I just told the copy shop owner just to deliver it all at once. I don’t know if that’s happened yet, but I’m fine not being looking when I happens. I will file a restraining order today. I don’t know how it works, but I hope I can complete it today. No new news from CN except Jay saying that she looked really mad. I know this isn’t a big update, but it’s an update on the situation.   Husband comes over to talk: May 13, 2025 (next day) This happened last night and I was too tired to update after it. CN's husband (I'll call him NH for neighbor husband) knocked on my door last night, alone. CN wasn't there, so I answered it. He then tells me that CN is "going through some things right now" and some other stuff. He then asks me if I could "let sleeping dogs lie. She did some stuff wrong, but she's a really great person". I told him that I would consider it. I'm not, but I didn't want to be in that conversation. I honestly thought that he would apologize about it, but making excuses like that is so pathetic. According to many of my neighbors, CN's been like this for years. I think he's trying to cover themselves from the bomb they just planted. That's all. New updates probably coming soon.   Some resolution (but not in the way you think): May 14, 2025 (next day) I was typing this out earlier, but it didn’t save as a draft so I will paraphrase it instead of writing it all out like earlier. I went out to get my mail and I noticed CN rush out of her house onto her porch to watch me. I take the mail and head inside. Through the endless sea of junk mail, there was a wedding invitation. Nobody I know remotely nearby is getting married and I didn’t recognize the names or the faces. On the back was a handwritten letter thanking me for volunteering my house for the bachelorette party and inviting me to wedding at a local venue. 1) Definitely did NOT invite anyone to use my property for a party 2) My backyard isn’t the biggest for a party 3) I don’t know who these people are I took a picture of the front and the back and then went and made a copy of the invitation and cut it to the right size. I then took the copy and walked in front of CN’s house (in the street). She is looking from the door. I then light the copy on fire (safely). She runs out and starts yelling at me. I am not entirely listening as I had an earbud in my left ear listening to a podcast (I listen to podcasts while doing my routines and hadn’t bothered to take it out) and at one point, I heard the groom’s name. Clearly she was behind it (I knew before, this just solidified the fact). I called her husband and told him that I was not hosting the bachelorette party and to leave me alone. He asks which one. I told him the names of the bride and groom. He is audibly surprised. He then tells me that the groom is CN’s son from a teenage pregnancy (not with him). He then said that he would talk to CN about it, calling it an accident. I find the name of the dad of the groom and call him. He sounded super genuinely grateful when I told him who I was. I asked him about CN and he said that she had left the baby with him and when he had sued for child support, the judge said that it was his poor choices that led to the baby and he was responsible for it, without child support. I told him the situation, and he sounded defeated. Apparently, the groom had been quick to forgive his absent mother (CN) and had invited her against the dad’s wishes. He said that he would tell the groom and the bride about the situation. I then had a thought that would be the absolute perfect revenge: I offered to host the party for free with 2 rules 1) They don’t damage anything and clean everything up 2) CN is blocked at the door of the wedding despite her invitation 3) My invite to the wedding still stands. He said he would discuss it with the bride and groom. Even if he says no, it’s worth a try. I just realized I typed it all up in detail despite what I said at the beginning. I will probably get the news in the next couple days.   It was worth a try: May 15, 2025 (next day) Groom's dad (GD), Groom, and Bride I was looking over some comments just before posting this and realized I don't want to be screwed over, so I am staying back. Also, GD gave me a call extremely late last night and told me that Groom wanted to meet his mom (CN) at the wedding. Bride was supportive, thinking it would be an extremely wholesome wedding. GD said that he would try to find another location for the party, but that it would be hard this late as Bride had a large bridesmaids group. GD is going to help CN with preparing for the wedding at his son's request, even though he thinks it might be a disaster. My plants that are near the stream look scorched as if they were in a fire. (I'm talking about the plants that are next and around the stream, not in my garden. I think the next steps are through legal means and not through petty actions. I will keep you all updated.   Piecing parts together: May 15, 2025 (six hours later) CN had been trying to gain access to the hot spring for as long as she's known of it. She had tried lawsuits, land disputes, and other legal and legally dubious means to get it. When she heard of her son becoming married, she thought that she could have a good attempt at gaining access to the hot spring. CN had initially offered to use her house for a price for the bridesmaids party, but since it didn't have anything good for a party, Bride had declined. She couldn't find another place though, but still didn't want CN's house. CN had then had the bright idea to tell the Bride and Groom that she had had a natural, healing, and amazing hot spring in her yard and Bride said yes. This is when CN tries the whole piping the hot spring to her yard. She obviously doesn't get far into that plan. After I dismantle all the piping, she volunteers my house and backyard for the party. I think that the stream pollution was lashing out because she was mad before she volunteered my house. No updates besides what I've pieced together from assorted sources.   Revenge is back in action, without me needing to participate: May 15, 2025 (seven hours later) GD called me about 10 mins ago. I was going to post the update right away, but I was reading some of the comments. This is what he said, and asked if my offer about hosting the bridesmaids party was still standing (this is heavily paraphrased to be readable, but all the main points and events are there). GD met up with CN to talk to her about the wedding, mostly setting boundaries. He went to her house (with his phone recording just in case anything happened, knowing the history of CN). GD is talking to CN very formally, as much straight facts as possible when he glances through a cracked open door into her bedroom. I don't remember the word he used to describe it (it was a very good way to say it), but kind of out of the corner of your vision when you're avoiding eye contact. GD sees multiple white dresses laying on CN's bed. They are fancy dresses. Not quite wedding dresses, but definitely close. GD can't stop staring at it. He then asks CN about what she's wearing to the wedding, and CN says that she has a couple dresses picked out. He connects the dots and subtly leaves the conversation, calls Bride and Groom and tells them what he saw. He then gives Groom some of CN's history. Bride then asks if they can do the house with the hot spring then. GD tells me that he knows that I don't like CN and that I wouldn't be at the wedding, but that the rest of the deal would stand. I told him sure, but not to let CN know about it, just letting herself think that I got pushed around by him into hosting. I know that the agencies I contacted about her pouring vinegar into the creek have been investigating, so even though it likely wouldn't, I hope it all falls out on the day of the wedding   CN Angry: May 17, 2025 (two days later) I’ve been asked for an update. There has not been much crazy neighbor activity over the time that I haven’t updated. I think she installed a step stool on her side of the fence as she’s been looking evil eying me whenever I’m in the hot tub. The weddings coming up next weekend, so I’m interested in what’s going to happen. Not much has happened besides that.   Really funny mini-revenge: May 20, 2025 (three days later) Ok, I’ve been told to skinny dip in the hot spring. I’m not doing that. I am not socially ok enough for my neighbor to see, even if it’s to get revenge. I do know some people who are. This happened yesterday around 1, just for reference. I tell some friends who are comfortable in their own bodies that they could hang out in the hot tub and I’m not going to be there, so they could do whatever. I more asked them to do it after I gave a little bit of backstory of the neighbor. They happily agreed and they came around 1. I left for a nice long lunch when they came and I told them to call me if anything happened. I also turned off the back security camera just to not be weird. Not 30 minutes later do the COPS call me asking if I was ok with the people in my backyard. CN had called the cops for a trespassing (hypocrite) and they had arrived and talked to my friends. They had my number and they called me. I told them that I invited them over and the cops left. I didn’t get a call this time, but the police were called again for my friends “exposing themselves to children”. The police knew that they were in a private backyard, but still came and pretty much left almost immediately after (it was the same officers I think). That’s all. I don’t think I’m going to do anything until the wedding. Thank you for the astounding amounts of comments, it’s absolutely insane.   Creek modifications: May 20, 2025 (three hours later) My neighbor 2 houses down just came up to me and asked if I would allow the stream to be changed in my yard (Jay already said yes). There’s a landscaping company that’s going to be installing limestone along the creek for acid neutralization or something like that. My neighbor 2 houses down does have a garden similar to mine and I guess that’s why. Not a big update. I said yes. I hope this can prevent future acid attacks. Not a big update. I said yes. I hope this can prevent future acid attacks   The Wedding: May 25, 2025 (five days later) I haven’t updated in a while even though some stuff is happened just so I could save it for this giant update. I am so shocked by what happened and I guess I should have listened to some advice about being safe. Also, I phrased the update about the card wrong as the bridesmaids party was last night and the wedding is today (the ceremony just finished just a couple minutes ago and I got the news of what happened by a mutual friend who went to the wedding (I didn’t know he was a mutual friend or going to the wedding. I told him about the situation a while ago and he decided to let me know). Friday: CN kept looking over the fence. I would have turned on sprinklers, but I don’t have any because I don’t really have grass in my backyard. Later in the day, a police car pulled into CN’s driveway and a bit after, it left. CN’s “revenge” of staring at me continued a lot more after that. I don’t understand why she wastes her time doing it. It doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable. Saturday: Some people knocked on my door midday asking if I could let them into the backyard to set up for the bridal party. I called GD and he said it was the right people (just to be safe). They set up some surprisingly expensive and nice decorations and furniture in the yard (not in a destructive way). People come in and out while setting up and the backyard looks amazing. CN continuously peered over the fence for a good amount of time, but I didn’t care. Around 6, Bride and all the bridesmaids (I’ll do M for bridesmaids) (also about 20 bridesmaids there). I stayed inside mostly, but they occasionally asked me to come out and they drunkenly thanked me. I think the Ms were very wealthy as I received a little over 3K in “tips” from them as I occasionally brought out a carton of ice cream. Well worth it I think. More to the events of the party. CN had a campfire in her backyard around 9, but there wasn’t really any wind, so the smoke just stayed in her yard. I think she tried to smoke us out, but maybe she was just having a little fire (I doubt it though). She then gets her hose to put out the fire and “accidentally” sprays water over the fence. Eventually, once the party winds down and they’re packing up, Bride hands a card signed by all of them thanking me for hosting with additional tips inside (about 2K). I was honestly stunned how nice they were. Around 11, a very drunk CN bangs on my front door as I’m about to go to sleep. I don’t answer, but have the video on the doorbell camera. She leaves after a bit and I go to bed. This morning: this is a secondhand account, so I won’t have all the details. CN comes to the wedding in her very white dress and demands to be let in, but the security denies her. She tries to push the security, but he isn’t fazed. People were watching, but my friend who was there had to go do something (I didn’t ask what). When he gets back, CN isn’t there. What’s happening on my side: this is my account that is right after, but before I got the news about what happened. CN bangs on my door and tries the knob. Since I was getting groceries a bit before, I had accidentally left it unlocked. She comes into my house. I call the cops as soon as I see her open my door. I run upstairs while I give the info to the cops. CN screams at me and eventually slaps me in the face. I’m screaming at her to leave and she tries to slap me again. I grab her wrist and she screams. I basically drag her out the front door right as the police arrive. She is put in the back of the cop car and the police interview me. I tell them and they leave, then I get the news. CN is not back. I honestly won’t argue with people about if this is true or not as what happened this morning doesn’t feel real even though I just lived through it.   Editor’s note: this is the last post we were left off Final Update: FAFO: June 6, 2025 This is probably the final update as I doubt any new updates will come. CN still hasn’t come back from the police station, or she’s been hiding in her house. If she hasn’t come back (which I think), I think she might have not been able to pay bail, but I have no legal knowledge really. She’s apparently facing north of 3 years in jail, but there’s a good chance she’ll get less or not at all. I grilled some food Saturday and hosted a good amount of the neighborhood. As much as I would like to say I was cool and collected after the assault, I felt a bit shaky and not great, so having some people over seemed like a good idea. I think it’s mostly worked. Last night, I went in the hot spring and it was really nice to hang out.   ----NEW UPDATES---- An update on the creek poisoning crazy neighbor: November 24, 2025 (5.5 months later from the previous update) An update on the creek poisoning crazy neighbor I really didn’t think I would do an update as I thought that my CN would finally stop after getting legal punishment. She so far has only with me. One of my very nice neighbors who has the kids who volunteered to help stop the creek earlier this year is well liked throughout the neighborhood. I think I’ll call her Donna because I don’t want to put her name here after someone found out what city I live in. So she often helps with babysitting kids for a couple hours for a simple IOU. It’s thanksgiving break for all the kids so lots of people are going on vacation or visiting family. CN and her husband are currently in California. You may think ‘oh where are her kids’. She left all 3 of her kids at the doorstep of Donna with an envelope that has $50 to pay for the 2 weeks that they’re at the beach. The thing is, Donna and her whole family is in the Midwest for the week visiting family for Thanksgiving. CN’s kids were out at the door for hours (presumably in the cold rain) before another neighbor noticed them and asked what they were doing. The kids said that Donna had agreed to have them until their parents got back, but obviously Donna wasn’t there. They didn’t want to call the cops as they thought it was a misunderstanding, so they brought the kids around until a newer family agreed to watch them until it was sorted out. CN isn’t responding to any attempts to reach her, and nobody wants to bring the cops into it. Donna’s pissed and said that she won’t come back to babysit them and that there was no deal ahead of time. I’m just an observer in this so far, so this is more of a neighbor update. Probably going to have another update or two. Any recommendations? Nobody in the neighborhood wants anyone with the government involved really, and it’s not really involving me, so I doubt my voice will be heard or taken seriously. I don’t know. Thanks Update: Pretty big consensus I should call CPS. I think I will but not tell anyone I did. CN is not a good person. If you want to know what the full situation is, I’d look at the old post. It’s archived so I think you can still see it. Update 2: it wasn’t me, but someone called the cops earlier and by the time I called, they said that someone was at the house already. Currently, they’re trying to contact CN and her husband, but so far no luck. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: CPS should be called... idk if you're counting that as "government" but CN abandoned her kids for 2 WEEKS! It's child abandonment, plain and simple. She needs to come get her kids and if you guys can't get her to do it, I bet CPS will. They are there for the kids and to ensure their safety. OOP: I’ve said that but the family that’s having them now think that it’s cruel to the kids and would break up the family. It’s their choice in the end I guess :/ Commenter 2: What’s cruel to the kids is thinking you bumpkins know what’s best for them and protecting a deadbeat. Kids need stability. If their parents can’t provide that then you are doing them a massive disservice by not calling cps. No “family” leaves their kids in another state without knowing their wellbeing or making sure they are safe. OOP: I know. CN is definitely not a good parent but a lot of the people in the neighborhood haven’t like directly seen stuff and I’m not really involved right now so I don’t really have a say. Calling the cops or anyone will just reflect really negatively on me because I think they just think it’s a misunderstanding right now. OOP on the said kids' ages OOP: I don’t know exactly, but probably 9,10,11? In spring the youngest was 8 and they’re very similar in age so it’s a guess Commenter 3: Did she get any jail time based on the breaking and entering she committed post wedding? OOP: Not as far as I know. A giant fine and a giant amount of community service I think. OOP on if CN got fined for pouring vinegar into the creek water? OOP: She already got fined a giant amount due to my reporting of it to a local environmentalist group and then taking it to the authorities.   Editor's note: the next latest update was rehashed in the previous update Not good update on child abandoning neighbor: November 28, 2025 (four days later) Not good update on child abandoning neighbor So yesterday, CN actually responded to a call and when asked about everything, she sent screenshots from months ago where Donna said that she could possibly babysit them for the two weeks, but she was still making plans with her family about visiting them. Donna said that it would be $2000 for the two weeks, but she wasn’t sure if she could and that she would let her know if she could do it and not to count on it. CN played it off as a big misunderstanding with Donna as the fault and pretty much everyone believed her. So the kids are staying at the newer family’s house for the remaining time in exchange for $1000 from CN. I’d say $1000 in exchange for not being arrested is a pretty good deal for CN that she does not deserve. At least the kids looked super happy spending thanksgiving with the family and were playing with their family in the yard for much of yesterday. I guess everyone forgot that the kids brought $50 instead of $2000. :/ What should I do? Relevant Comments Commenter: So is this all done? Timestamps show this discussion took place awhile ago and there was no follow up. Does CN have friends in higher up places or is CPS moving at a holiday pace? OOP: I think CPS left the situation after CN convinced everyone it was a misunderstanding. It happened yesterday and the day before, but started at the beginning of their thanksgiving break   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

One of my many HOA stories when I regrettably was a member for the longest 2 years of my life was regarding decorations. All of our homes had a porch and rules regarding front of house "decorations" - the R&R said you could only have one decoration. Fine. I had no desire for any decorations at all in my front lawn. We DID put 2 nice chairs on our porch to use on pleasant evenings with a sunset potential. We received a notice regarding our "violation" of having "two decorations in front of our house and the R&R only allowed one, and we had 24 hours to comply." Alllllllllllllllllllrighty then. I removed both chairs from the porch. I searched for hours online for the most obnoxious decoration I could find - because the R&R made absolutely NO mention of WHAT the decoration could or could not be, only that you could only have one item. I ended up with an at least 7 foot tall blow up sphere, with an obnoxious nekkid mermaid-like thing floating inside it, flapping like one of those wind-man devices at a car dealer. I also posted a small sign stating "Surveillance Camera in Operation. SMILE!" to curb any vandalism ideas. The HOA BOD went absolutely NUTS. I received no less than 6 letters in 2 days about how inappropriate, vile and other various adjectives my "decoration" was, and that I was obliged to remove it. I responded with a certified return receipt letter with the appropriate section of the R&R highlighted and invited them to return mail with the exact language that my decoration was in violation of, and failure to do so with continuing violation notices would result in legal action on my part against all the BOD members. This went on for about a month, and finally my lawyer buddy sent them a threatening notice on their letterhead stating that depositions and full financial disclosures from each and every member would be demanded for discovery purposes in my damages lawsuit unless I received an acknowledgement of their errors and a formal apology. They waffled for about a week then caved. Got a written apology published in the HOA newsletter signed by all the BOD members. The next HOA meeting resulted in a rules change that porches were excluded from the decorations restrictions, and that all lawn decorations needed to be smaller than 4 feet in height. Many of the homeowners came to thank me for my resistance and results. Like I said, moved after 2 years for my job and never considered an HOA since - every realtor we worked with that was absolute no-way rule #1. submitted by /u/parodytx to r/fuckHOA [link] [comments]

NOTE 1: DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by r/AITAH by u/LovePieHateBigots NOTE 2: This has been posted on r/BestofRedditorUpdates before, but there is a new update. Original BORU link (posted by u/swtogirl): https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1fu783m/aitah_for_showing_my_sil_my_skeleton_in_the_closet/ Trigger Warning: Physical violence, harassment, emotional manipulation, self-harm, suicide attempt AITAH for showing my SIL my skeleton in the closet? July 31, 2024 Edit: sorry I'm a bit high rn so BF is helping me edit and I new to reddit and didn't put ages and the like - I am F32, He is M38, SIL is F56, and stepMIL is F69. How do I put this?...my SIL thinks I am obnoxious. She's my BF's eldest sibling and very protective of her "baby" and also very religious so her baby dating pant-suit wearing, neon colored hair having, bisexual atheist feminist with two moms was a lot for her to take in. Over the 3 years my BF and I have been together, she has only been more vocal about it. It did first start with small snarky comments but now it's full in-your face criticism. It got worse when he moved in with me as we aren't married. Well one of her longest running jabs is that I look scary but am just mild and boring whilst I try to "cosplay as edgy" (fair play to her for sewing in cosplay. Gold star. She's evolving) unless I have any skeletons in my closet. I am a happy person and have little issues with laughing at myself so I alway just laugh it off when she says she will find my skeletons in my closet. It was my birthday recently so we have everyone over and when my BF went out for decorations he returned with a plastic skeleton and held it up with that we're so immature but you're in, right? look on his face and said "You thinking what I'm thinking?" And fuck me, I was. This cheeky asshole was giving me an offer I couldn't refuse and I laughed and said "You son of sith, I'm f-ing in" so we set the trap. Well surely enough SIL was busy telling anyone who would listen that we're unmarried, sleeping in the same bed, I smoke weed - she could smell it... the usual and I ignored her and then she went on about me cosplaying as edgy and not being an authentic person and someday she will find my skeletons in my closet. My BF started to laugh and I said "oh you didn't notice?" And walked her to our coat closet near the front door and opened it. There was was Skelator the Skeleton propped up against the corner. We had a good laugh and my BIL said "fucking hell you finally found it" and when I turned to her, it went from a good natured laugh to a nightmare. She was red in the face, silent, and crying. She slapped me and left without a word. I was stunned by the slap and not even prepared to deal with step MIL who asked me if I was happy mocking the woman who raised my BF and that I'm such a disrespectful ass but this was a new low. She and a few others started telling me how shitty I was for embarrassing SIL and mocking her in front of everyone. The party naturally died from the party foul wounds and was DOA so most everyone left within thr hour. BF has been trying to cheer me up and took me to see Deadpool and got me takeaway so we can binge-watch our show and veg out but SIL texted me a paragraph about how she's tried with me but I am determined to be a morally corrupt violation of her family and she is devastated that I hate her enough to make a mockery of her. I replied back an apology that I hurt her, and I genuinely thoight it was just a laugh we could share and offered to take her to lunch to talk it out. She said she was disinterested in dealing with me further and when my BF "wised up" and leaves me, she will celebrate. There are texts from others and group chats where I am being torn apart as viscious and malicious and my mind is boggled. I know there are 100% times that when a person says iTs JuSt a JoKe ‐ they are astronomically the AH so AITAH? UPDATE 1: AITAH for showing my SIL my skeleton in the closet? Aug 1, 2024 (1 day after last update) Facebook is such a pain. SIL took to social media and made a post and tagged me. It was a novel long but the short of it is that I am a hateful woman who doesn't respect parental figures and it must be because I am an orphan. According to post I am on drugs and lured her baby unto them too. I've turned him against God and his family. My man damn near blew the lid off our home when he saw it as he is on FB more than me. He called her and demanded he take it down hut the damage was pretty much done. Family out the woodwork are sending me rehab center links, church counseling links, sex addiction help and my personal favorite is "before" me and "after" me photo comparisons where before me is a photo of him in church with his family at a mother's day service and after is a snap of him at a concert with his tattoos showing, drinking and clearly drunk. Some people even came to the house to stage an intervention. My guy only started to shout and make them leave our home when I was referred to as a classless hussy and shameless slut.. Let me transparent, we use THC and weed but it's legal here and we have jobs and maintain a good life. The "after" me photo is not actually when we were dating, it was beforehand. And I am not an orphan. SIL is married to an alcoholic who just recently got hammered abd wrecked their car then got arrested for being beligerant with the police and refusing to leave after his car was towed. All over a some freaking dummy? Oh and I am a shamless slut. So that one felt like a compliment. So I talked with him aboit limiting contact and he got upset. He loves his family and despite this freakshow, he loves his sister. He got stressed out and started to have a panic attack. I helped him recenter, got him water and held him until he was calm again and he asked we give it a bit of time to die down and he will try to talk sense into SIL. So we're giving it fucking time. I'm not mad at him, I know this is hard for him but this is crap and I am being bombarded with texts and even emails telling me I am some demon woman who is shooting up my SO who hates Christians and none of that is even true. It's just a lot and I am hating every moment. UPDATE 2: AITAH for showing my SIL my skeleton in the closet? Aug 21, 2024 (20 days after last update) Well I am out of emotional fucking real estate here but here goes everything - I have a feeling this isnt going to be short so (TLDR SIL is depressed and self harming after we cut her out and BF is clearly hurting): I guess I have to start naming people as this is becoming something of a fucking saga. My BF "Dean" (I am a Supernatural fan so sue me lol) sat me down a few days after my last post. He was very, very calm, and that was my first sign that I needed to gird my loins because I was in for a doozy. For background, generally, I am the calm logically lead one while he is passionate and deep feeling. In this, we became polar opposites of that norm. He looked me right in the eye and asked me point blank no-bullshit how this was all affecting me. Every time he would ask before I just couldn't bring myself to tell him how upsetting it all was since I was the "put together" one all the time but this time, because he was so calm and direct, I just broke down. Nightmare isn't the word. It was hell. We live around what is known as a small big city meaning it's big sure but once you get in certain circles you find that everyone knows you and you know most everyone or at least someone who knows them. So, in a way, it can be like a small town. Our state is generally religious outside our city. So rumors spread. With my SIL's (I will call her Wren going forward) social media attacks on me, it was the scuttlebutt everyone craved. Some people sided with her, not most, but enough. I was getting dirty looks, rude treatment, my hairstylist is their cousin and she told me she can't work on my hair anymore until this is resolved as she was getting pressure from the family (i.e. Wren and stepMIL "Penny"). It was schoolyard and immature, but it was enough to make me feel bad. I got done saying all this to Dean, and he said, "Okay then, we will block them." So matter of fact. I knew it qas a hard thing to decide on for him, as he loves the shit out of his family and they are hiw world so I pushed back at the idea saying as much and that I couldn't ever stand in the way of his him and his whole family. I started to cry harder, and he had to sit me down and get me some wine and water and blanket burrito-ed me and hugged me until I could talk again. I said I couldn't live with myself knowing I made him choose me over his family, and he said I hadn't made him, they did. We then started talking logistics because he wasn't budging. I was sad the whole time, because I am usually tough and have a don't give a shit attitude but he is so close to them and I am not overly close with most of my own family. I hated taking something so rare and beautiful away from him, my fault or no. We cut them off. Blocked almost everyone after sending a text what was happening and why. And worse, it was Wren's birthday party the next day. I took my guy to a festival happening in the city so he wouldn't have to think about it and we were out until 2 or 3 the next morning. When we got home, our neighbor said we had a lot of people coming to knock on our door. 1 or 2 at a time. And a couple then asked our neighbors if we were home. Later, when I was making lunch, the police came by for a wellness check. They said his "mother" is concerned about him. Him. Not me. Just him. Dean said coldly that his mother is dead, and if his father's wife sent them, he wanted it on record that they were not in touch and he wanted no contact. Penny was at our door by dinner. Some of this was before I got into the room because I was cooking, but Dean told me he heard a knock and thought it was the neighbors and opened without looking. Wren was standing there, eyes red as if she had been crying. She asked to come in, and he said no, so she started to cry - loudly - and I heard it and came to see what the fuss was. She had fallen into him sobbing and wailing, asking what she did that was so wrong that he's treating her like this. That he's her baby, and she loves him, but he is so cold and mean to her now and all that bullshit. I was angry but I saw his face he was tearing up and pushed her away asking her to leave. That's when she saw me. She was sobbing an apology like, "I am so sorry if I ever made you feel like you're not family. You won. Please don't take my baby from us." She went on to say if this is about their religion then they won't pray around me and stuff like that and when she finally finally stopped rambling I said it was not about their religion. I am atheist, sure, that's my choice. But I don't mind people having faith in something. I actually somewhat envy people who do as I just don't and probably can't. I told her it was about my treatment from her and others in the family. That I was cast as the villain for almost 3 fucking years and I was prepared to grin and bear our whole natural lives but then she gets nastier with me with the gossip mill and above all that, she put hands on me. She had the absolute gumption, gal to slap me, and the family collectively decided to let that slide. I won't tolerate physical abuse. I had an abusive ex. I won't be accepting that. Ever. Honestly, that was the singular thing that made me realize two things: she will never respect or care about me and more that I can never respect her ever from that moment on. It all just flooded out me. I never yelled. I was just firm and direct about it. This is what happened. This is the hurt you did, and here are the consequences She practically collapsed in our home wailing by the time I finished, and she would interject "okay you hate me, I get it," or "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, " and things like that. I asked Dean to get her water, and he did. When he returned and handed her the glass, he said she should drink something, and she shook her head and said that she couldn't. We asked her if she hurt herself getting to the ground, and she just got really, really calm and wiped her eyes and had this weird frown, tears still streaming down. She told us that she came to apologize, and she apologized, but we've been clear we don't want anything to do with her or the family, and that breaks her heart. She can't eat or drink anymore because life is not worth living knowing Dean hates her. Dean shook his head but said nothing other than "Don't mistreat yourself like that. That's not fair." Then she just walked through the door and said that I won, he's mine, and to please take care of him for her. The moment the door closed, Dean started to cry. I tried to comfort him, but he pulled away. He said he isn't mad at me or anything, but that was just a lot, and he feels like shit. He told me he knew she was being manipulative but he almost wanted to take her apology because it's just been so hard and he knows she will spin this somehow to make us look as callous and hateful as possible and his father would be ashamed of him. A week goes by, and Dean has cheered up a bit. He apologized to me for crying to which I said he never has to apologize to me for his feelings or crying or anything like that and that I am proud of him for being rational in an entirely irrational moment. He is making friends and picking up hobbies where family events would be like instead of mass and Sunday dinner, he goes to shoot hoops with a community group, he signed up for a patch on the community garden, and he's been taking the time he would usually take to hang out with Penny and help around the house to volunteer at the animal shelter down the way from our home. He came home this past Monday in a bad mood. He was honest that he was upset and would be bad company, so he needed space, so I obliged and went out with a friend. When I came home, he asked me to sit down and said he logged into social media, and a friend messaged him a post that Penny made about Wren asking for prayers. Wren was severely depressed and had quit doing much of anything according to the post, and she was suffering from "the heartbreak of her life," but they didn't explain what that was. This friend of Dean's comment if there is anything we can all do and Penny replied "Pray" and nothing more. Yesterday rolls around and BIL "Teddy" calls, he's not blocked or cut off because he's been having our backs, to tell us Wren is in the hospital as she tried to take all of her meds at once. She's been asking for Dean. I told him that shes in the hospital, and he can go to her if she wants and I even will go with him or not depending on what he tells me he needed but he refused to go. He's been blue ever since, and I'm worried. Wren is practically a mother to him, so I know it's hard. I feel like shit because this is really all because I agreed to some stupid joke to fire back at hers. Normally, I would just say these are manipulation tactics, but to down pills out of spite is some next level commitment to the bit, and I feel like I've really shattered my man's world. I don't know if I need to give him time, or sit him down right now, or up our therapy, or take him on a vacation or fucking what. He's my person. I hurt when he hurts. And we're fucking hurting right now. Sorry this went so long - I guess I had more to say than I thought. UPDATE 3: AITAH for showing my SIL my skeleton in the closet? Sept 22, 2024 (one month after last update) We've endured a lot from his family at this point. From them calling into my job to complain about me, to the police coming by because I am "abusing" him. I won't make this another War and Peace manuscript by typing all that happened out but its been a lot. Dean got a job elsewhere in the state. Its been a rollercoaster for him. We talked it out and he accepted. He doesn't want to be near family anymore. Well that Medusa of a woman found out and Teddy told us she's throwing a fit. So I knew, I just knew she would come around soon. I told Dean this and he looked at me and said "You think so?" And I said I know so. So he came home that next day with more skeletons! They are propped up around the porch, in the yard, and next to the garage. They have names. He named them! Boney Stark, Marrow Munroe, Tibia Turner...he's given them backstories. The man has lost his mind lol. Sure enough she showed up. We have a ring cam now so we both got alerts and saw her coming. He got up and said he would take care of it so I just watched the cam and stayed in bed. He tells her to leave and she demanded to know why he was moving. She was blaming it on me, making it seem like I bullied him into the job and he needs to come to his senses and leave me. He refused. So she slapped him. Twice. Then started to cuss at him, hitting him with her fists and he backed up and pushed her away. Then she falls and starts to scream that he's hit her and that he's a monster and she's calling for help. She woke up the whole neighborhood with her bullshit. Dean was doing his best to stay calm but opened the door and told me to call the police. And I watched her smugly say that if he dares, she will tell them that he and I attacked her. And shows him her arm, and says she had the injuries, and no one will beleive him. He just stared at her and went inside. She went nuts and threw Boney Stark into the rosebushes. Then, she sat on our porch just fucking chilling until the police arrived. She threw on the waterworks the moment the cop car pulled in. She actually had gotten out of the chair meant for Boney, laid down on the stairs and started to cry. Police sorted this pretty quickly because as Oscar worthy of a performance she gave, we had footage. It was my turn to be smug. I cast it on our large TV for all to see. She cussed me out saying I was a bitch and a loser - a harpy who charmed her baby and lunged for me. Dean got in the way and told her to get the fuck out of our house and that she's disgusting and manipulative. He then said "I'm not your baby. And you know what? Thank you. Thank you for showing me who you are. Now I can't wait to get away from you. Good job." I think she figured it all out in that moment because this time when she cried, I beleived her. She just sobbed and the cops took her outside. We had her legally removed and put in a request for a restraining order. We currently have a temporary one for the case to be reviewed but it expires after we move so now we are just being careful about our information. Dean was really sad the first few days but now is excited. He keeps talking about the city we are moving to. It's very fun, odd, and has a lot of live music and events. I know he will mourn it once it catches up with him and he's keeping busy to not think about it too much, but it is good to see him smile. I missed that. The family trier harassing us but he would forward the footage and tell them if they don't want him to go fully NC to cut it out and keep her under control. Sometimes it makes him cry and other times it just makes him mad. I've asked if he wanted me to take over some of this and he says no. He just wants us to ride this out, pack up, and get settled in the city. Oh and the skeletons are coming with us. UPDATE 4: AITAH for showing my SIL my skeleton in the closet? Dec 7, 2024 (two months after last update) Turns out when you threaten to go no contact and follow through, tunes change. SIL can't contact us due to a restraining order, so she tried to lean on other members of the family. No one really buckled under that pressure aside from a stray mishap here or there, but we would be quick to block. Dean has been very protective since everything happened and we've since moved, and yes we brought the skeletons and we have more now. It was fine all until SMIL contacted me directly asking me not to talk to Dean yet, but she is worried this has gone on too long. SIL had thought herself pregnant back in July but it turned out not to be the case. But since then she has been insistent she is having a baby with SMIL and some other members of the family. Dean and I were not aware of this. SIL then, according to SMIL, accidentally called Dean her son in front of the extended family after we moved. This has put it in her head that this might be possible. I don't know quite what to do, I ha ent told Dean about this yet because it's ridiculous and sounds too much like a soap opera or something. And he's finally in a good place in staying ko contact. We are closer to my "family" (not related but the closest I've got to family really) and we've had a full social calendar since we've moved. I told a friend about this and she says I have to talk to Dean about this so he's not blindsided later and I would normally agree but I hate that this woman has been on our minds so much of the time all the time and don't want her to continue to ruin what we have. I'm going myself the weekend to figure out if I will tell him or not, in the meantime I got him a new Skelton name Manfred from his favorite video game hopefully to keep things light. UPDATE 5: AITAH for showing my SIL my skeleton in the closet? June 5, 2025 (six months after last update) So Dean and I have moved. I started a new job here and Dean's been thriving in his. Since my last post its been pretty quiet. I told Dean about the weird slip up his sister said calling him her son. He didn't really react at all at first. About a month later as we are moving, he packs our files and important documents and he went through them. He asked me if I thought it was possible and I just said I didn't really know. We made the conclusion over time that it could be true and it could simply not be true buy either way, the woman he calls his mother remains just that and he keeps her memory. Whatever his sister is biologically doesn't matter. He's cut off most of his family, and we've started to build a life here in our new city. Teddy visits sometimes but it's mostly just me and Dean. We recently got engaged after we adopted a dog and he joked that now that we have a child, I should make an honest man out of him. It's a lot happening, but after we had our fun with skeletons at our new place (we literally dress them for every odd holiday or legit holiday, doesn't matter to us!) And added some woth name tags and costumes, its safe to say this is just tradition now. Last month, Teddy told us that Dean's sister punched their stepmother in th face. We don't know why, but we do know charges are being pressed. I guess it's good we got away when we did. So I guess this is my last update. Thanks for letting me vent about thus insanity. Send me any ideas you have for skelton names. We have more in the basement but don't have names for them. Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. submitted by /u/JJOkayOkay to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I just created this account because my friend suggested I post here and maybe get some advice too. I don't know how to format for reddit, but he said to make sure that I did. I live on a large property with a small house in the front. There are many small hot springs in the semi-rural mountain area that I live in, with many used by homeowners in their backyard. Many are piped indoors, but some have hot tubs built around them. I happen to have a active one in my backyard (picture an in-ground hot tub being fed in from the hot spring) near my left neighbors house (I'll call her CN for crazy neighbor). A small stream runs through the far backyards of the neighborhood and it used for gardens and little nature areas that everyone on the street enjoys. I have my small fruit/pepper garden watered by this stream and take really good care of it. For some visualization, it has a good amount of water flowing down and everyone on the street uses it some way. My right neighbor (who's a really chill dude, who I'll call Jay) has small pools he made that are fed by the stream, and two neighbors down has a garden similar to mine. Now on to the actual story. When I bought the house, the previous owners were sued by CN, her claiming that the land was rightfully hers. I don't know the details of her argument, but it was thrown out (as far as I know). The previous owners warned me of CN and not to engage with her family. When I moved in, CN's kids (I'd say probably 8, 9, and 10) brought over cookies and welcomed me to the neighborhood. I thought that the previous owner was exaggerating as they seemed sweet. I invited CN and her family to a small BBQ and they accepted. The second that they got in the house, CN started to explain the 'rules of the neighborhood'. I thought it was pretty normal (like to not play loud music after 9, keep your car in the driveway to keep the street uncluttered, etc. Common sense rules) until she got to some rules reguarding the stream and the hot springs. She said that kids were allowed in all parts of the stream (in private backyards) and that everyone could use eachother's hot springs (I have the only hot spring on the street, so I was surprised by that). I interrupted her and told her that I wasn't comfortable with those, and she scoffed, saying that all neighbors were fine with it. I told her that I still wasn't comfortable with it. She ignored me, continuing with some questionable rules. The rest of the night was fine, but I felt like I wouldn't want to do it again. I talked to some neighbors across the next couple days, who all told me to steer clear of CN and that her rules were BS. I went over to CN's house and told her that I had talked to the other neighbors and that I wasn't comfortable with anyone being in my backyard without my permission. She scoffed and said ok. I had a lunch with Jay and he told me who CN was: A serial suer with her lawyer on speed dial to get whatever she wants. CN had sued a small chain pizza place in town into debt for having peanut oil on her pizza when she was allergic to it. The pizza chain didn't even have peanut oil (and many people in the small community believed that she put it on), but still lost everything. I decided not to ever talk to her or her family. A week later, I got home from the grocery store to see CN's kids (I'll call them EKs for entitled kids) splashing in my hot spring tub (its outside and usually has a lid on that two small kids would definitely not be able to take off as it is heavy and large). I tell them that they're not allowed in it and to leave my yard immediately, and they stand their ground, telling me that their mom (CN) told them that it was theirs and that they could use it. I told them that that's not true and to leave now. They finally do. Before you think that I'm an asshole for that, remember that pools/hot tubs are dangerous and I don't want to be liable. I headed back out to buy locks for my gates. When I got back, CN was now there, demanding why I kicked her kids out. She reminded me of the "rules", but I told her to leave immediately and that my security camera was recording. She cursed at me for a min or two, then left. I was bluffing as I did not have security cameras, but I did order them on amazon that night. The next day was fine, replanting a lot of my plants from my apartment's balcony into the empty garden (the one that's watered by the stream). I noticed that CN kept looking over the fence. For the following weeks, CN complained about the trees in my yard, the color of the fence, what I'm doing with the stream, etc. Jay occasionally came over and told her to f off. Three weeks ago, I left for a couple days for a friend's wedding. I kept getting security alerts saying that there was motion in my backyard, often her kids playing in my garden (trampling my dear shishito peppers). I texted Jay to tell them to get out. If you're wondering why not call the police, they wouldn't do anything as they're just some kids. I had a suspicion that CN was telling them to do these things, but I didn't have much evidence. On the drive back, I got a security alert that there was motion in my backyard. I didn't check as I was driving, but when I stopped for gas, I checked and saw CN instructing a plumbing team installing piping from MY hotspring into THEIR yard. I had it save all of the footage and I sent messages to Jay about it. Jay told them that they weren't allowed to be doing that, but since it wasn't his house, they didn't listen to him. I called the police and they went, but they had already installed the piping. The team was just leaving through the gate (with a broken lock on the ground), when the police showed up. They said that they had been hired by the homeowner. The police waited for me to get there while talking to the team of workers, and I told them that I was the homeowner and that I hadn't payed them to do it. They looked confused. I went with the police into the backyard and I started ripping the unsecured piping out with a crowbar. CN starts shrieking from her yard and puts her head over the fence and starts yelling that I'm destroying private property and that she would sue me. CN then says that she has a contract with the owner of the house to have their (my) hot spring water. The police are now confused. She shows a contract that read that she was paying me $2 per month in exchange for the water. CN won't give it to me so I could look at it besides waving it around in the air. The police eventually leave and warn me not to destroy the piping. I ripped up the small pipe that connects to the source as she's telling me that she'll see me in court. I contacted my lawyer and she said that CN had no case as she didn't know my signature and it would be easy to prove it was forged. I still haven't been served by CN's lawyer, but know that I will soon. In the meantime, I've been sitting in the hot tub for long baths while talking to myself loudly about how much I love it. Petty, but it made me feel good hearing the growls from across the fence. This is the final thing that made me post here, my garden wilting and dying at an unnatural rate. I heard a commotion out in CN's yard and I peeked over and saw her slowly pouring a massive jug of chemicals into the communal stream, which goes down to mine. I don't know if its herbicides, plant killer, or something like bleach (it doesn't smell like bleach so I don't think its that), but its rapidly killing my plants. I haven't eaten any of the fruit/peppers since as I'm worried I might get sick. I think that if I can get definitive proof of her doing it, I can maybe use it in court to prove how crazy she is. People swim in pools from the stream, so I warned Jay not too for the time being and told him to tell others. I know one neighbor removed her garden from the soil and moved it away from the stream just in case it got down to hers. I'm unsure of what I should do next. I don't think I live in a two party consent state for video recording as it doesn't list it as one on the pdf I found. I might crosspost this into legal advice just in case (I do already have a lawyer, but it might be useful hearing free opinions from the internet). Edit: I forgot to say that I had water testing sticks arriving tomorrow. TLDR: Crazy neighbor steals hot spring water and pours chemicals into communal stream, poisoning my garden Update 1: Jay offered to use a large drum in his garage to temporarily remove the water from the stream and seeing your comments, I’m taking him up on his deal. All the neighbors down the street that I’ve talked to so far (two besides Jay) agreed. One who has two sons said that they might block off the start of the stream. It is a small outlet of a moderately sized creek. It will probably be blocked off not that hard. Jay said that he can probably get the drum in place by tonight as his dad can help. Jay also has a sweet dog and definitely wants to protect it. I am going to remove my plants from the soil nearby the stream. Also, for reference in size of the stream, it’s about 1-2 feet across. Truly just a stream. There’s lots of obstacles and things that would probably filter out, but we definitely still have to be safe. I’ll update later tonight or tomorrow. Update 2: Big news! The nice neighbors’ kids dammed up the stream at where it starts. It’s a couple pieces of wood, a branch or two, and a lot of small rocks. There’s still a tiny bit of water flowing, but it’s absorbed by the soil higher up before CN. Jay got the drum out, but we turned out not to need it. There’s water still in the pools in his backyard and we plan to do a water test. Apparently pH tests are sold in a store just 10 mins away, so I will head there as soon as I finish this post. Update 3: Jays getting the pH test and an oxygen level test, but I don’t know how oxygen levels would play into it. I’ll look at responses and figure out what to do next. I will call authorities soon. Update 4: The water test: pH came lower than the creek water before CN’s house (a full .9 lower). Nitrates a bit higher, Dissolved Oxygen significantly lower. That’s the only real changes in between the two tests. I wonder if she just poured a lot of vinegar. I think herbicides do change pH, but .9 is quite a bit I think. Update 5: Big update! The makeshift dam broke and water has been flowing down, but it’s been slow. CN complained to a neighbor up the street that she’s on speaking terms with about me being a major asshole for not letting her kids use my hot spring tub. She let it slip that she poured household vinegar in the stream as “justice”. The neighbor was also shown the contract for the pipes and she said that she didn’t even have it signed by me. She and her lawyer had signed it, but without any signature space for me. I thought that she forged my signature, but she didn’t have any agreement (fraudulent or otherwise) on my side whatsoever. The neighbor similarly dislikes her, but their kids are friends, so she has to talk to CN. I sent all the info to a local environmental charity that has contacts within environmental protection agencies. They usually deal with lakes and dumping, so this was in what they deal with regularly. The police were outside CN’s house a couple hours ago and took her to the station. CN is back at her house, now yelling over the fence profanities while I’m having a coffee. I don’t know if they arrested her and she payed bail or that she just was taken in for questioning or something. I know her brother in law works at the police station, but I wouldn’t doubt that her family members have a strained relationship with her. I hope that she’s stuck with a giant fine and/or jail time. CN’s lawyer still hasn’t served me regarding the pipes, and my lawyer is saying that CN has no case whatsoever. I’ll update as soon as anything interesting comes up. Update 6: My power just went out in most of my house. I think CN just flipped the breakers to annoy me. Going outside ASAP Update 7: CN indeed did flip the breakers. As far as I know, the security camera has an internal battery for some time after it’s disconnected from the power so I don’t have to worry about her doing anything. Revenge Discussion Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/neighborsfromhell/comments/1kk45k1/updatediscussion_revenge_tactics/ Update 8: I called the owner of the copy/print/delivery shop and he agreed to what I said in the previous post. I removed all of the pipes from my yard and put them into bags. I didn’t have as much plastic bags and boxes as I thought so I’m paying extra for the owner of the copy shop to supply them. He just delivered the first one to CN (I watched from the street) and CN’s husband answered. He shouted for CN and she came up. I didn’t hear any of the discussion, but she signed delivery sheet, took the package (of a single small corner pipe piece), and stormed into her house. She went up to the 2nd story window and proceeded to glare at me since, still glaring as I sit on my couch while writing this. Working from home will be so nice for watching this. Update 9: Since my last post, there has been one more pipe delivery to CN and she is pissed. She stormed over to my house (after signing the delivery which I thought she would stop doing) and banged on the door. I started recording my front door and opened the door (I'm not dumb enough to let her in). CN starts shrieking about how I'm awful and that I had to keep the pipes installed as it was her property and that we had a contract. When I told her that the contract wasn't legal at all, she starts screaming at me. I stepped inside for a second and called the police with the door closed. CN continues banging on my door. I don't open until a police car comes down the street. I tell the police that I don't want her ever to be on my property and that she is tresspassing. They relay that to her, and she takes up a hurt old lady act (for reference, she is in her 40s). CN tells them that my hot tub burned her youngest child and that I was luring kids in. I showed the police the camera footage and they asked her to come to the station with them. I'm assuming that she made some fake report, but I guess that will be another charge of lying to a police officer. I think that the officer (not CN's brother in law) believed me and saw that she was in fact a CN. I saw CN get back into her house and once again went up to the top window, staring. I closed the blinds. I thought she would stop (honestly it doesn't bother me), but to my surprise, she crosses the street to the side of the hill (theres a slope on the other side of the street from the houses. There's more houses up the slope) and stares through my front window. I don't have blinds for that one and was about to head to a different room when I see her trip backwards (theres a small ditch for runoff) and land on her butt. CN lets out a ungodly shriek (it wasn't that loud, but I'd like to say it was) as she storms back into her house. I feel at this point, with all of the stuff from my lawyer, from reddit, and neighbors saying that I am completely in the right and that CN is insane has made this more into entertainment than a scary situation for me. I have multiple locks arriving in a couple days and a new security camera for the side yard. If you have any legal suggestions, please tell me. If there's anything I should be aware of, please tell me. Update 9: I’ve been told that messing with CN is probably not going to help out legally, especially with a restraining order, so I just told the copy shop owner just to deliver it all at once. I don’t know if that’s happened yet, but I’m fine not being looking when I happens. I will file a restraining order today. I don’t know how it works, but I hope I can complete it today. No new news from CN except Jay saying that she looked really mad. I know this isn’t a big update, but it’s an update on the situation. Update 10: This happened last night and I was too tired to update after it. CN's husband (I'll call him NH for neighbor husband) knocked on my door last night, alone. CN wasn't there, so I answered it. He then tells me that CN is "going through some things right now" and some other stuff. He then asks me if I could "let sleeping dogs lie. She did some stuff wrong, but she's a really great person". I told him that I would consider it. I'm not, but I didn't want to be in that conversation. I honestly thought that he would apologize about it, but making excuses like that is so pathetic. According to many of my neighbors, CN's been like this for years. I think he's trying to cover themselves from the bomb they just planted. That's all. New updates probably coming soon. Update 11: I was typing this out earlier, but it didn’t save as a draft so I will paraphrase it instead of writing it all out like earlier. I went out to get my mail and I noticed CN rush out of her house onto her porch to watch me. I take the mail and head inside. Through the endless sea of junk mail, there was a wedding invitation. Nobody I know remotely nearby is getting married and I didn’t recognize the names or the faces. On the back was a handwritten letter thanking me for volunteering my house for the bachelorette party and inviting me to wedding at a local venue. Definitely did NOT invite anyone to use my property for a party My backyard isn’t the biggest for a party I don’t know who these people are I took a picture of the front and the back and then went and made a copy of the invitation and cut it to the right size. I then took the copy and walked in front of CN’s house (in the street). She is looking from the door. I then light the copy on fire (safely). She runs out and starts yelling at me. I am not entirely listening as I had an earbud in my left ear listening to a podcast (I listen to podcasts while doing my routines and hadn’t bothered to take it out) and at one point, I heard the groom’s name. Clearly she was behind it (I knew before, this just solidified the fact). I called her husband and told him that I was not hosting the bachelorette party and to leave me alone. He asks which one. I told him the names of the bride and groom. He is audibly surprised. He then tells me that the groom is CN’s son from a teenage pregnancy (not with him). He then said that he would talk to CN about it, calling it an accident. I find the name of the dad of the groom and call him. He sounded super genuinely grateful when I told him who I was. I asked him about CN and he said that she had left the baby with him and when he had sued for child support, the judge said that it was his poor choices that led to the baby and he was responsible for it, without child support. I told him the situation, and he sounded defeated. Apparently, the groom had been quick to forgive his absent mother (CN) and had invited her against the dad’s wishes. He said that he would tell the groom and the bride about the situation. I then had a thought that would be the absolute perfect revenge: I offered to host the party for free with 2 rules 1. They don’t damage anything and clean everything up 2. CN is blocked at the door of the wedding despite her invitation 3. My invite to the wedding still stands. He said he would discuss it with the bride and groom. Even if he says no, it’s worth a try. I just realized I typed it all up in detail despite what I said at the beginning. I will probably get the news in the next couple days. Update 12: This is just some clarification (it hasn't been brought up, but might as well. The wedding is happening on the 24th. I'm pretty sure the invite I got was a spare for later as I doubt they sent out invites so last minute. CN reached out to the groom when she heard about him getting married. The groom is in his 20s and had never seen his bio mom before (as far as I know). Update 13: I will call the groom's dad GD and groom and bride G and B I was looking over some comments just before posting this and realized I don't want to be screwed over, so I am staying back. Also, GD gave me a call extremely late last night and told me that G wanted to meet his mom (CN) at the wedding. B was supportive, thinking it would be an extremely wholesome wedding. GD said that he would try to find another location for the party, but that it would be hard this late as B had a large bridesmaids group. GD is going to help CN with preparing for the wedding at his son's request, even though he thinks it might be a disaster. My plants that are near the stream look scorched as if they were in a fire. (I'm talking about the plants that are next and around the stream, not in my garden. I think the next steps are through legal means and not through petty actions. I will keep you all updated. Update 14: CN had been trying to gain access to the hot spring for as long as she's known of it. She had tried lawsuits, land disputes, and other legal and legally dubious means to get it. When she heard of her son becoming married, she thought that she could have a good attempt at gaining access to the hot spring. CN had initially offered to use her house for a price for the bridesmaids party, but since it didn't have anything good for a party, B had declined. She couldn't find another place though, but still didn't want CN's house. CN had then had the bright idea to tell the B and G that she had had a natural, healing, and amazing hot spring in her yard and B said yes. This is when CN tries the whole piping the hot spring to her yard. She obviously doesn't get far into that plan. After I dismantle all the piping, she volunteers my house and backyard for the party. I think that the stream pollution was lashing out because she was mad before she volunteered my house. No updates besides what I've pieced together from assorted sources. Update 15: GD called me about 10 mins ago. I was going to post the update right away, but I was reading some of the comments. This is what he said, and asked if my offer about hosting the bridesmaids party was still standing (this is heavily paraphrased to be readable, but all the main points and events are there). GD met up with CN to talk to her about the wedding, mostly setting boundaries. He went to her house (with his phone recording just in case anything happened, knowing the history of CN). GD is talking to CN very formally, as much straight facts as possible when he glances through a cracked open door into her bedroom. I don't remember the word he used to describe it (it was a very good way to say it), but kind of out of the corner of your vision when you're avoiding eye contact. GD sees multiple white dresses laying on CN's bed. They are fancy dresses. Not quite wedding dresses, but definitely close. GD can't stop staring at it. He then asks CN about what she's wearing to the wedding, and CN says that she has a couple dresses picked out. He connects the dots and subtly leaves the conversation, calls B and G and tells them what he saw. He then gives G some of CN's history. B then asks if they can do the house with the hot spring then. GD tells me that he knows that I don't like CN and that I wouldn't be at the wedding, but that the rest of the deal would stand. I told him sure, but not to let CN know about it, just letting herself think that I got pushed around by him into hosting. I know that the agencies I contacted about her pouring vinegar into the creek have been investigating, so even though it likely wouldn't, I hope it all falls out on the day of the wedding Update 16: I’ve been asked for an update. There has not been much crazy neighbor activity over the time that I haven’t updated. I think she installed a step stool on her side of the fence as she’s been looking evil eying me whenever I’m in the hot tub. The weddings coming up next weekend, so I’m interested in what’s going to happen. Not much has happened besides that. Update 17: Ok, I’ve been told to skinny dip in the hot spring. I’m not doing that. I am not socially ok enough for my neighbor to see, even if it’s to get revenge. I do know some people who are. This happened yesterday around 1, just for reference. I tell some friends who are comfortable in their own bodies that they could hang out in the hot tub and I’m not going to be there, so they could do whatever. I more asked them to do it after I gave a little bit of backstory of the neighbor. They happily agreed and they came around 1. I left for a nice long lunch when they came and I told them to call me if anything happened. I also turned off the back security camera just to not be weird. Not 30 minutes later do the COPS call me asking if I was ok with the people in my backyard. CN had called the cops for a trespassing (hypocrite) and they had arrived and talked to my friends. They had my number and they called me. I told them that I invited them over and the cops left. I didn’t get a call this time, but the police were called again for my friends “exposing themselves to children”. The police knew that they were in a private backyard, but still came and pretty much left almost immediately after (it was the same officers I think). That’s all. I don’t think I’m going to do anything until the wedding. Thank you for the astounding amounts of comments, it’s absolutely insane. Update 18: My neighbor 2 houses down just came up to me and asked if I would allow the stream to be changed in my yard (Jay already said yes). There’s a landscaping company that’s going to be installing limestone along the creek for acid neutralization or something like that. My neighbor 2 houses down does have a garden similar to mine and I guess that’s why. Not a big update. I said yes. I hope this can prevent future acid attacks Update 19: the wedding. I haven’t updated in a while even though some stuff is happened just so I could save it for this giant update. I am so shocked by what happened and I guess I should have listened to some advice about being safe. Also, I phrased the update about the card wrong as the bridesmaids party was last night and the wedding is today (the ceremony just finished just a couple minutes ago and I got the news of what happened by a mutual friend who went to the wedding (I didn’t know he was a mutual friend or going to the wedding. I told him about the situation a while ago and he decided to let me know). Friday: CN kept looking over the fence. I would have turned on sprinklers, but I don’t have any because I don’t really have grass in my backyard. Later in the day, a police car pulled into CN’s driveway and a bit after, it left. CN’s “revenge” of staring at me continued a lot more after that. I don’t understand why she wastes her time doing it. It doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable. Saturday: Some people knocked on my door mid day asking if I could let them into the backyard to set up for the bridal party. I called GD and he said it was the right people (just to be safe). They set up some surprisingly expensive and nice decorations and furniture in the yard (not in a destructive way). People come in and out while setting up and the backyard looks amazing. CN continuously peered over the fence for a good amount of time, but I didn’t care. Around 6, B and all the bridesmaids (I’ll do M for bridesmaids) (also about 20 bridesmaids there). I stayed inside mostly, but they occasionally asked me to come out and they drunkenly thanked me. I think the Ms were very wealthy as I received a little over 3K in “tips” from them as I occasionally brought out a carton of ice cream. Well worth it I think. More to the events of the party. CN had a campfire in her backyard around 9, but there wasn’t really any wind, so the smoke just stayed in her yard. I think she tried to smoke us out, but maybe she was just having a little fire (I doubt it though). She then gets her hose to put out the fire and “accidentally” sprays water over the fence. Eventually, once the party winds down and they’re packing up, B hands a card signed by all of them thanking me for hosting with additional tips inside (about 2K). I was honestly stunned how nice they were. Around 11, a very drunk CN bangs on my front door as I’m about to go to sleep. I don’t answer, but have the video on the doorbell camera. She leaves after a bit and I go to bed. This morning: this is a secondhand account, so I won’t have all the details. CN comes to the wedding in her very white dress and demands to be let in, but the security denies her. She tries to push the security, but he isn’t fazed. People were watching, but my friend who was there had to go do something (I didn’t ask what). When he gets back, CN isn’t there. What’s happening on my side: this is my account that is right after, but before I got the news about what happened. CN bangs on my door and tries the knob. Since I was getting groceries a bit before, I had accidentally left it unlocked. She comes into my house. I call the cops as soon as I see her open my door. I run upstairs while I give the info to the cops. CN screams at me and eventually slaps me in the face. I’m screaming at her to leave and she tries to slap me again. I grab her wrist and she screams. I basically drag her out the front door right as the police arrive. She is put in the back of the cop car and the police interview me. I tell them and they leave, then I get the news. CN is not back. I honestly won’t argue with people about if this is true or not as what happened this morning doesn’t feel real even though I just lived through it. Update 20: This is probably the final update as I doubt any new updates will come. CN still hasn’t come back from the police station, or she’s been hiding in her house. If she hasn’t come back (which I think), I think she might have not been able to pay bail, but I have no legal knowledge really. She’s apparently facing north of 3 years in jail, but there’s a good chance she’ll get less or not at all. I grilled some food Saturday and hosted a good amount of the neighborhood. As much as I would like to say I was cool and collected after the assault, I felt a bit shaky and not great, so having some people over seemed like a good idea. I think it’s mostly worked. Last night, I went in the hot spring and it was really nice to hang out. submitted by /u/Desperate_Earth_6763 to r/neighborsfromhell [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/CrapKidThrowaway Originally posted to r/AITAH Previous BoRUs: 1, 2, 3 [New Update]: AITA My husband was nicer to BFF than her own husband NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: neglect, deaths of loved ones, pregnancy complications, abandonment, isolating behavior, possible abuse Mood Spoilers: dark RECAP Original Post: November 1, 2024 I'm writing this post because my best friend's (Kate) husband (Bert) called my husband (Tim) an asshole. I have historically kept my opinion of Bert's behavior to a minimum on the grounds that good friends say their piece once and then love each other through shit relationships. But I'm asking internet strangers to be the judge. I am traveling for work. Kate is stuck at home (working) at 7 months pregnant on modified bedrest. Generally during the week I drop over once or twice to bring her family some dinner (Tim cooks extra portions once a week to share), cheer her up, read her oldest a couple of bedtime stories so that mom can go to bed early and get some sleep. Bert works an office job. Stressful, I'm sure, but during her pregnancy he's been working longer and longer hours (salaried, not overtime). She's been sad and a bit lonely. Yes, I've suggested counseling. With that for background, this evening she and I were texting - it was about 6ish - and she got a craving for a taco place near my house and, importantly, near Bert's office. She says she asked him to grab her some on his way home. He says he's not stopping. He's got work at home and she should just door dash something close. This makes her extremely sad (she's says irrationally sad, but you be the judge) because he used to surprise her with her favorite tacos and now he can't be bothered. As one does, I tell Tim. I'm 3 states away, so it was just part of our chat as I was getting back to the hotel and getting ready for a work dinner. I get back from dinner and Tim had gone and picked her up tacos, remembered the bag of things I'd collected for her and the kid that were in my car, and pulled a tuna casserole from the freezer (Bert hates tuna casserole). He dropped them off on the porch and just texted her that there were some things I wanted her to have. Then Bert gets home. Did he bring tacos, coloring books or a good attitude? No he did not. He called Tim to tell him that he was an asshole for "showing him up." Other colorful language was also used including some fairly sexist nonsense. He also texted me telling me to keep my husband away from his wife. Tim did respond rudely when Bert called. Kate says he told Bert he was a failure as a human, a man, a father and a husband. Apparently that caused Bert to scream expletives so loud their daughter started to cry. Not good. Tim then hung up on Bert, blocked him, and texted Kate that if she needed someone in an emergency she knew where to call but he wasn't putting up with her "shit husband" any longer. It's a giant cluster and I have no idea what's going to happen. My husband feels bad things escalated so much, particularly since their daughter was crying. He feels like an asshole at the moment. Obviously Bert thinks he's an asshole. I think he's a sweet man. What do you guys think? AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Relevant Comments OOP on what Kate thought about Bert’s attitude toward Tim OOP: She's super pissed at Bert. It'll probably blow over, but at the moment she's extremely angry with him. She doesn't think Tim meant any harm (except that of course the tuna casserole was a bit petty). Could Kate stay with OOP and Tim? OOP: She's always welcome, of course, but I don't think she'd move their daughter out of the neighborhood. I think they will work it out. She does love him, very much. That said, he's at a hotel tonight and I don't think that's happened before. Commenter 1: No good deed goes unpunished. That being said… You guys are way too involved in their lives. You’re cooking for them multiple times a week? OOP: Yeah. She's on bed rest. We have a meal train. I do Wednesday and sometimes Fridays. Her sister does 2 days. Several of her friends trade off the other days. Is Kate able to stay with someone, family or friends? OOP: Her daughter is at the sister's house tonight (she has a daughter about the same age so they do this all the time). We're going to rotate staying over until the night nurse can start, I think on Tuesday. They did have a part-time nanny, but that was the affair partner, so. Yeah. Her sister has been filling in since she was put on bedrest.   Update #1: November 2, 2024 (next day) Not a happy update. The TLDR version is they are separating for unrelated reasons. Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/TqiLv7awA8 1) I apologize for screwing up the title last time. I was trying to be brief and wound up being wildly disappointing. My apologies. Hopefully this is more effective? 2) This update is shared with Kate and Tim's permission. For reasons, Bert can go fuck himself. Bert did email Tim this morning to apologize. Bert said he had forgotten I was out of town and he didn't realize that Tim was dropping off the meal train food. It was a weird email for many reasons, but Tim responded politely if noncommittal. Tim hasn't changed his view of Bert in part because of what happened between Bert and Kate this afternoon. Bert also texted me to apologize, but I didn't get his message until after I landed and by then everything else had happened. I've elected not to respond. Bert went home around noon after staying at a hotel last night. Kate's sister had taken their daughter to the park so Bert and Kate could talk it out. Short version is that Bert has been avoiding Kate because she's not happy during this pregnancy. I mentioned in a comment that Kate had been married previously and shortly after her first husband died she had complications in a pregnancy that forced her on bedrest. Unfortunately, her son didn't make it. Her current pregnancy is bringing up a lot of painful memories and she's scared she won't be able to make it to full term. So, yes. She's not as cheery as she was when she was pregnant with their daughter. It's a difficult time. Bert is frustrated and angry that she's not happy, so he's been staying late and ignoring her until she stops doing that. I know that sounds horrid, but I think they could have worked through those feelings. But as he was explaining how he felt, he said she should be glad her son wasn't there because otherwise she wouldn't have this life at all. Yeah. That still knocks the wind out of me it's so cruel. She did talk to him about that statement, but the explanation doesn't get better. In any event, for her that was just the end. She told him she was done, they can work out joint custody, but the marriage was over. She called her sister and she and her husband encouraged Bert to leave. Currently, Kate's not angry or sad or panicked. She's just done. Personally, I'm surprised since they've weathered some fairly shitty things including infidelity (by him). But I guess that was the line? In any event, her DnD friends are over there for Saturday games night and they are eating waffles (she thought it was important for the internet to know that waffles are appropriate separation food). In terms of her well-being which many kind souls were worried about, they have a prenup. The house is hers, his family property is his. I'm sure there will be a fight over custody, but she will be financially okay. In any event, she has family and friends who will help and support regardless of what happens. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Wow. This guy is just...wow. I have nothing nice to say. I'm glad she's getting out though. Who throws their wife's previous miscarriage in her face? Just, no. OOP: I don't know if this is worse, but it wasn't a miscarriage. She delivered. He was just too premature to survive. It was a horrible time. OOP and her husband standing up for Kate OOP: Pretty much. With an added bs of saying he wasn't one of those "cucks" who would raise another man's child like her friend's husbands (2 of which are amazing step dads, so fuck him sideways). I'm choosing not to look up the origin of that insult tonight as I'm already so mad and jetlagged and not coherent. Kate’s husband’s insulting statement about her deceased son OOP: The explanation was he would never have dated her if she had a kid and she wouldn't have changed careers. So basically she wouldn't have her husband, daughter or her job if her son had lived. Plus, he insulted men who are step fathers with some sexist nonsense. Commenter: 2: Of course he was previously unfaithful. Glad she’s kicked him to the curb. Sending good thoughts her way.   Update #2: November 30, 2024 (four weeks later) Holiday update: I guess whether you think this is a happy update depends on whether assholes abandoning their kids is a net positive or not. Prior Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/grgaQyxQa4 Kate and Bert are still separated. It took her a few weeks, but she finally spoke to her attorney and asked them to start the paperwork. One problem has been locating him for service and scheduling parenting time so it wouldn't appear that she is withholding his child. The night he was escorted out he apparently went to a hotel, then told his boss he had to work remotely (where the fuck was that option??), and then moved home to his mother. Kate has reached out to him multiple times to schedule parenting time and only found out last week that he wasn't in the state! She finally called his mom to see if she wanted to come and see her grandchild for Thanksgiving and learned that he was there the entire time. In any event, they finally made a parenting schedule and, at her attorney's suggestion, agreed he could have the first holiday since the separation. He was supposed to come down on Wednesday and pick up their daughter for a few days so she could spend time with his side of the family. So we planned a Friendsgiving to keep her spirits up since her little one would be away for the first time. Fun!? Not fun, but its what families do. Anyway, he didn't show. Thursday morning, still no Bert. Kate was worried since he was supposed to drive down so she called his mom again. Bert was fine, but "didn't feel up to dealing with this." Yup. Heard it myself with my own two ears. Kiddo was thankfully still asleep, so she did have the joy of watching her mom have a complete and utterly meltdown. Kate didn't have the greatest childhood herself and knowing her POS husband was completely indifferent to his daughter was just too much. She was sobbing so hard she couldn't breathe and then started to have contractions. Then her sister and I started panicking. Had we been thinking clearly, we probably would have remembered that she had BH with both pregnancies and calmly assessed the situation after she wasn't so overwrought. Instead, I panic dialed her OB and we rushed her to the hospital. She's fine. Baby is fine. Kiddo has now more screentime and junk food in two days than her mother has let her have in her entire life, because I am not a great babysitter. Kate will be in the hospital for a few more days as her OB is concerned with her stress levels. Her sister's husband called Bert, but thus far he has not made any attempts to do something useful, like I don't know, take care of his own child!? So I guess there won't be a fight over custody? A shitty update, but its been a shitty weekend. If anyone knows how to cheer up a little girl who is missing her parents that doesn't involve McDonalds and Bluey, please let me know. If there were still Toys-R-Us, I'd probably be bankrupt. Update: Thank you all for the suggestions, particularly u/MamaCass for shaking my brain loose. I had a sewing room full of supplies and hadn't even thought of crafts. We spent all day today designing and making doll clothes and matching scrunchies for her, her mom, her aunt, uncle, cousin, etc. She's happy and tired and I couldn't be more grateful for internet strangers. On the less good news, Kate is going to be in the hospital for the duration. She and the baby are fine, but due to some complications they want her to stay there until she delivers. Kiddo is staying with us until tomorrow (we live close to the hospital) but she'll be heading back to sister's place (which is close to her preschool) tomorrow night. Kate wants her to have as much normalcy as feasible. I'm still worried, but the doctors are great and seem to have it under control. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Do not think that. Eventually, Bert will wake the fuck up or will meet with a lawyer (who will tell him some very harsh truths). He'll realize that if he doesn't fight for and get custody, the child support he will have to pay will be higher than if he had 50/50 or primary custody. They may have a pre-nup, but pre-nups have nothing to do with child support (which is a right of the child, not a right of the parent). • Tell your friend to keep a detailed log of all these interactions with her soon to be ex. Or do it for her (while she is emotionally incapacitated). • Have her send an email to Bert and his mom (or a text message, anything written) that essentially goes "So we collaborated on a holiday custody schedule, I gave you first holiday since our separation with our daughter out of good faith and of wanting to show that we can co-parent peacefully, you agreed and then you let her down at the very last minute because you didn't feel up to dealing with this". She has to do the same for all the interactions that are verbal so she can have a paper trail to show the judge. • Encourage her to keep on reaching out to Bert, in the name of collaborative co-parenting, so he can never win the argument of "She withholds the children from me, your Honor!!". All in writing, or followed by writing summarizing the content of the conversation if it happens verbally. • If she can't do that because of her health condition and her emotional state, she can have someone else do all of that for her while she's CC'd on the emails. "I might be dealing with the last weeks of pregnancy and separation, and it's hard, but I'm still doing all that I can as a mother to make sure it does not impact our children negatively and make sure the transition process is smooth and coparenting is possible" is the message you want to be able to display to a judge if it comes to that. • Do not rile Bert up and make sure that your friend does not either. But when he acts unhinged, despondent or irresponsible, bring it up in writing. • Always talk about Bert in good terms, at least in front of the daughter, so he can't have the "parental alienation" defense. Have your friend squeaky clean so there is nothing he can grab unto for custody. No "I acted terribly but so did she, your honor!!". It will be all "So the plaintiff was being a dismissive-turned-aggressive asshat the entire time while the defendant was being as collaborative and in good faith as could be. Primary custody to the defendant" OOP: This was the exact advice her attorney gave us yesterday. Thank you! Commenter 2: My money is on Bert being happy as a clam that he can now be with his side piece without burden. That'll be short lived and he's going to try and win her back as soon as he sees how much he has to pay for child support. Document all of the attempts to give him access and the failures on his part, it will help her custody battle, and ultimately cause him to have to pay more support. Commenter 3: I’m so sorry to hear this update. Not surprised, but sorry. For the little girl, how willing are you to do crafts?Hit up the dollar store for several disposable table cloths. Put one on the floor and one on whatever surface you let her paint on. When done, fold them inward and take to the garbage. Clean up is 10x easier this way. You could get a child’s beading kit to “make Mommy a Christmas present.” Bracelets, necklaces, etc. If you tend toward more DIY, look up a recipe for salt dough and buy some washable paints. Put her hair up, sacrifice an old t-shirt (preferably one of her father’s) and let it be a “painting dress.” Decorating for Christmas can be as simple as sheets of white paper and a pair of scissors. Make snowflakes! If you have access to a printer, there are lots of templates to cut more elaborate shapes like Star Wars (probably not her jam) or cartoon characters. Michael’s also usually sells kits to make little foam ornaments or decorations. Make them extra funny with a small package of googly eyes. One word of caution- stay away from glitter. You will shine for the next year. If something needs to be shiny, get glitter glue. I hope this helps! OOP: You are a gem. I've been so thrown I didn't even think of arts and crafts! Thank you!   Baby Update: My husband was nicer to BFF than her own husband: December 22, 2024 (one month later) It's a boy! I don't know if anyone still cares, but Kate safely delivered a perfectly healthy little boy on Thursday and is now back home. Her sister's was by her side and it all went fairly quickly after she was induced. Bert is still MIA. Last we heard he was in Alaska with his brother. Kate's lawyer has been managing communications to keep the evidence trail as pristine as possible. He has been served, but of course these things take time. The little one asks about her dad every single day and it breaks my heart, but I guess there's no help for that. We are following the therapist's advice (and legal advice) on that subject. I think it will get easier now her mom is finally home. On the home front, Kate is thrilled to be out of the hospital. We have all huddled up for a plan to help her over the next few months while she recovers. I'm on duty today, but everyone is currently napping so it's quiet and peaceful. She asked for tacos so Tim is making a taco run for lunch in an hour or so. I probably won't update again, but I did want folks to know she and her son made it through with flying colors. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I know it's gonna take years / decades but in my mind there will be a day where Kate is very happy that Tim decided to deliver tacos and she got rid of this sorry excuse of a man.... All the best OP. Would love to get an update but I understand if that's the end. OOP: Tbh, I think that's why she asked for tacos. Tim has been feeling shitty for how everything went down and how his bluntness (in his mind) contributed to Kate's complications and the kiddo's distress. Seeing Kate happy and relaxed, surrounded by her family, and everyone devouring tacos definitely cheered him up. It certainly cheered me up. Commenter 2: I'm glad you're okay. Now, if possible, I have a question for you: Do Bert's parents approve of what he's doing? Please keep us posted until your friend gets his revenge on this pest. OOP: I don't know what Bert's mom thinks. I called her to let her know when Kate was scheduled to be induced and to invite her to Xmas at Kate's request. She never responded. Bert's father passed away a few years ago, which precipitated some of Bert's worst behaviors. I've only met his brother a handful of times, but given how he treats his wife (with tremendous devotion), I was surprised to hear Bert was there. I would have expected his brother to chew his ass out and send him home. But who knows what Bert is telling his family about the separation. It's very odd. I'm extremely curious, but sticking strictly to the path the attorney has laid out for all communication. Kate might get some answers when the divorce response is filed, but his attorney has gotten an extension so that won't be for a few months. Commenter 3: OP, it's just a suggestion of mine, but since there's a possibility that the brother is being deceived, would it be more receptive to send an anonymous message telling him what's really going on? It's just a suggestion, because Bert really is an asshole and needs to suffer a little. OOP: Kate's sister and I both thought the same thing, but her attorney said absolutely not. We will just have to wait for it all to come out in the wash. Commenter 4: I am so glad that you all are doing as well as can be. Wishing some peace and love in the New Year.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Update: My Husband Was Nicer to BFF than Her Own Husband: April 5, 2025 (3.5 months later) Sad update. Bert came back. Kate and Bert reconciled. For the health of her family, she is stepping away from me and her sister and several other friends. I was hoping it was just temporary, but it's been a month since we spoke to her. Not much more to say really. I hope if she needs support she knows she can call with no judgment. Top Comments Commenter 1: Not the update I was hoping for. Her self esteem must really be in the shitter. But at least it's not your problem anymore 🤷‍♀️ Commenter 2: Ooof. Translation: she's been isolated from her support network. Commenter 3: It's SAD, really. You were hoping for some closure, that's understandable. Sometimes, you put a lot of faith into something, reconciliation, healing, and it doesn't quite pan out the way you envisioned. It's tough, and it's okay to feel that way. You deserve support, absolutely. And, you know, maybe it means letting go, and that's okay too. BIG. You're not alone, I think   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641 Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes + her own page Previous BoRUs: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 [New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there. NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment Mood Spoilers: super wonderful!! Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above RECAP Original Post: November 14, 2023** I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group. Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility. Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021. Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”. Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down. Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to. I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season. Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.   Update #1: November 27, 2023 (13 days later) Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think? It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses. We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.   Update #2: December 12, 2023 (15 days later) So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know? Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that. Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well. And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties. On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it. Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.   Inheritance: December 16, 2023 (four days later) I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know? No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active. The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.   Christmas: December 25, 2023 (nine days later) I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect. Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer. Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls. We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time. As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.   Brother’s call: December 26, 2023 (next day) Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning. For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back. Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth: Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me. The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people. 4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home. 8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there. And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me". But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral. That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember? I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed. The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them. My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it". He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives. On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.   Brother's Here: December 27, 2023 (next day) My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped. This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right. Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!   Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024 (six days later) I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness! Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely. Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home. Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.   Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024 (15 days later) My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys. This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression. Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly. My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined. Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.   Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024 (16 days later) Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care. Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them. We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office. Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.   Update: February 27, 2024 (three weeks later) My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits. Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it. Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her. There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet. Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!   Update 4/1 - Final one I think: April 1, 2024 Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one. It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal. The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason. The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area. The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy. And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing. We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods. As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for. I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.   Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil. Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now. My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them. No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Been a while: March 3, 2025 (10 months later) I hope everyone's doing wonderful! I know it's been a while. Lots of little happy updates incoming! My brother moved out! He's like 5 minutes away, so it's not far but he's officially living on his own. He's going steady with the same girl. She's a catch! Sweet as can be! She fits in to the family so well and everyone just adores her. She's going to school to be a nurse and I know she's gonna crush it. Hubby and I get to babysit her kiddo on the regular and he's a total hoot. At first, he was overly polite and a bit shy, but one day my husband picked him up and husband was wearing his SCP hoodie. Turns out the kid is a MASSIVE SCP fan. So we've all bonded and he's really opened up around us. Assuming my brother and her are still together come August (we're hoping they continue going strong) there's talk about kiddo taking the school bus to our place after school. There's a stop at the bottom of our street and it would be no trouble for us to have him chill at our house for a few hours until mom's off work. Have him work on homework or whatever. I might have to learn whatever "new math" is, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Mom's mellowed the frick out. She's stopped her insanity and seems to have accepted the new normal. Dad says she's "turning back into the woman he once married." Which is a bit depressing, but also good, I guess? From what he says, mom has started cross stiching again. Which, my brother and I never knew she knew how. Apparently, she used to be massively into the hobby, but after my brother and I were born, she was terrified we'd get into the needles and hurt ourselves, so she put it all away and never touched it again. Step-dad says she's much more relaxed and calm lately, which I'm happy about. She's respected our boundaries and has only come to visit when we allowed it. Our relationship has improved drastically. Dad and step-mom are also doing well. Step mom and us actually bonded quite nicely during January. She needed hip surgery and since Dad's house has more steps than High Hrothgar, it was decided that she would stay with my husband and I. Her doctor scheduled the surgery at our local branch of their hospital and after she was released, she came back to our place. She ended up staying with us for most of January due to a massive ice storm that came tearing through the area. I've spent time with the woman, but never like this or for this long. It was like seeing a whole new side of her I never knew. When dad finally came to pick her up, I was actually sad to have her leave. You will all be happy to hear that we did manage to do a memorial for my grandparents. It was exactly what my soul needed. I didn't realize how much I NEEDED to have that closure until it was done. Like someone took a weighted blanket off me and I could breathe again. It was a lovely service and a few of the little old church ladies made us some finger foods to have back at the church afterwards and we all sat around eating and sharing stories about Grandma and Grandpa. Our next scheduled visit is for Easter and I can honestly say I'm looking forward to it. I feel like I have my family back again. Please be kind to each other and take care of yourselves. Thank you for letting me shout into the void. Commenter: Oh this is a fantastic update. I am so pleased that this whole saga has come through the other side in a nice way. So often these kind of things don’t have happy endings and I’m thrilled that this one does. Thank you for updating us all.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not the Original Poster. OOP is u/LovePieHateBigots and they posted in r/AITAH   Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. This sub has a 7-day waiting period so the latest update is at least 7 days old.   Trigger Warning: Physical violence, harassment AITAH for showing my SIL my skeleton in the closet? July 31, 2024 Edit: sorry I'm a bit high rn so BF is helping me edit and I new to reddit and didn't put ages and the like - I am F32, He is M38, SIL is F56, and stepMIL is F69. How do I put this?...my SIL thinks I am obnoxious. She"'s my BF's eldest sibling and very protective of her "baby" and also very religious so her baby dating pant-suit wearing, neon colored hair having, bisexual atheist feminist with two moms was a lot for her to take in. Over the 3 years my BF and I have been together, she has only been more vocal about it. It did first start with small snarky comments but now it's full in-your face criticism. It got worse when he moved in with me as we aren't married. Well one of her longest running jabs is that I look scary but am just mild and boring whilst I try to "cosplay as edgy" (fair play to her for sewing in cosplay. Gold star. She's evolving) unless I have any skeletons in my closet. I am a happy person and have little issues with laughing at myself so I always just laugh it off when she says she will find my skeletons in my closet. It was my birthday recently so we had everyone over and when my BF went out for decorations he returned with a plastic skeleton and held it up with that we're so immature but you're in, right? look on his face and said, "You thinking what I'm thinking?" And fuck me, I was. This cheeky asshole was giving me an offer I couldn't refuse and I laughed and said "You son of Sith, I'm f-ing in" so we set the trap. Well surely enough SIL was busy telling anyone who would listen that we're unmarried, sleeping in the same bed, I smoke weed - she could smell it... the usual and I ignored her and then she went on about me cosplaying as edgy and not being an authentic person and someday she will find my skeletons in my closet. My BF started to laugh and I said "Oh you didn't notice?" And walked her to our coat closet near the front door and opened it. There was Skelator the Skeleton propped up against the corner. We had a good laugh and my BIL said "fucking hell you finally found it" and when I turned to her, it went from a good natured laugh to a nightmare. She was red in the face, silent, and crying. She slapped me and left without a word. I was stunned by the slap and not even prepared to deal with step MIL who asked me if I was happy mocking the woman who raised my BF and that I'm such a disrespectful ass but this was a new low. She and a few others started telling me how shitty I was for embarrassing SIL and mocking her in front of everyone. The party naturally died from the party's foul wounds and was DOA so most everyone left within the hour. BF has been trying to cheer me up and took me to see Deadpool and got me takeaway so we can binge-watch our show and veg out but SIL texted me a paragraph about how she's tried with me but I am determined to be a morally corrupt violation of her family and she is devastated that I hate her enough to make a mockery of her. I replied with an apology that I hurt her, and I genuinely thought it was just a laugh we could share and offered to take her to lunch to talk it out. She said she was disinterested in dealing with me further and when my BF "wised up" and leaves me, she would celebrate. There are texts from others and group chats where I am being torn apart as vicious and malicious and my mind is boggled. I know there are 100% times that when a person says iTs JuSt a JoKe ‐ they are astronomically the AH so AITAH? Relevant Comments MerryMoose923: NTA. Your SIL did help raise your BF, but he's not her "baby," he's a grown adult living his own life. Your BF needs to talk to his family about this, admit it was a mutual idea to put the skeleton in the closet, and let his sister know that slapping you was completely inappropriate. He also needs to step up and shut down SIL's constant snarky comments and criticism of you, and to shut down the rest of the family tearing you apart to defend SIL. This was clearly a FAFO situation, and SIL definitely found out. Apparently, SIL can dish it out, but can't take it. Were you and your boyfriend petty? Heck yeah. But I think it was well-deserved at this point, given all you have put up with for 3 years. Also, how dare she come to your home as a guest and trash talk you? That's just plain rude. She never "tried" with you: she sat in judgment and found you lacking because you don't live according to her principles, religious or otherwise. You took the high road here and apologized, and offered to go to lunch and talk it out. She has refused. Lucky you - the trash took itself out. Feel free to avoid spending any time with SIL going forward, and limiting the time you spend with his family. DoIWantToKnow6417: INFO : Why should you be blamed for the prank her "baby" pulled on her? She SLAPPED you! And BTW, kudos for you BF, that prank was EPIC! The only glitch is you can't prank vile manipulative people who are deprived of the slightest sense of humour... KickLiving: YTA for letting her abuse you for years. She slapped you in front of a room full of people ON YOUR BIRTHDAY and YOU apologized to HER?! I would’ve cracked her skull. Your BF has let her treat you like this for years and you’re still with him? And he lets MIL treat you like garbage too? What’s the matter with you? Update August 1, 2024 Facebook is such a pain. SIL took to social media and made a post and tagged me. It was a novel long but the short of it is that I am a hateful woman who doesn't respect parental figures and it must be because I am an orphan. According to the post I am on drugs and lured her baby onto them too. I've turned him against God and his family. My man damn near blew the lid off our home when he saw it as he is on FB more than me. He called her and demanded she take it down but the damage was pretty much done. Family out of the woodwork are sending me rehab center links, church counseling links, and sex addiction help and my personal favorite is "before" me and "after" me photo comparisons where before me is a photo of him in church with his family at a mother's day service and after is a snap of him at a concert with his tattoos showing, drinking and clearly drunk. Some people even came to the house to stage an intervention. My guy only started to shout and make them leave our home when I was referred to as a classless hussy and shameless slut.. Let me be transparent, we use THC and weed but it's legal here and we have jobs and maintain a good life. The "after" me photo is not actually from when we were dating, it was beforehand. And I am not an orphan. SIL is married to an alcoholic who just recently got hammered and wrecked their car then got arrested for being belligerent with the police and refusing to leave after his car was towed. All over some freaking dummy? Oh, and I am a shameless slut. So that one felt like a compliment. So I talked with him about limiting contact and he got upset. He loves his family and despite this freakshow, he loves his sister. He got stressed out and started to have a panic attack. I helped him recenter, got him water, and held him until he was calm again and he asked we give it a bit of time to die down and he will try to talk sense into SIL. So we're giving it fucking time. I'm not mad at him, I know this is hard for him but this is crap and I am being bombarded with texts and even emails telling me I am some demon woman who is shooting up my SO who hates Christians and none of that is even true. It's just a lot and I am hating every moment. Relevant Comments OOP after being advised to break up with BF: I don't blame him for the actions of his family or for feeling torn. He's human. virtualchoirboy: His family are to blame for their actions, but it's his family and he needs to defend you from them. Allowing the insults you've posted here to stand without a strong reply means that the rest of the family are going to assume he shares that viewpoint to a degree. He may not share it in reality, but that's what they're going to think until he starts actively fighting the disrespect from SIL. In the end, the role of peace keeper ALWAYS fails. Despite the title of the post I'm linking to, he needs to learn to rock the boat. Stop being ballast and stop lighting yourselves on fire to keep others warm. Otherwise, it will only continue to get worse. OOP: I appreciate your advice and perspective but again I won't jump to anything yet in such a short time. I won't air out his whole life until he'd read everything and consents to it which I think he will but my guy is not letting me light myself on fire. And he has defended me in the ways he knows how. I'm no doormat, beleive me, Love. Been through it when I was younger. Learned a lot. But I don't think my patience here is a fault nor is his hesitancy at this time. virtualchoirboy: Three years of not actively fighting back against SIL IS being a doormat, but you do you. OOP: Just because I haven't written out our whole history does not make you correct. As I have said before. I appreciate your perspective but I pwnt skip steps so yes I will do me. Maybe 6 months from now we will be split, but it will be done right and if that is displeasing to you, sorry for your discomfort. But I am not a doormat to them or you. UniqueMark4192: I don’t agree with people telling you to dump him. He’s clearly on your side. Defending you to everyone. And trying his best. Cutting people off who have basically told you you’re indebted to them for caring for you is not an easy thing no matter how many times Reddit says it. I do think you’ll have to have serious conversation with both him and then both of you with family you think might be open and your mil about why it’s ok for her to mock you and you just have to take it, what your future might look like if you marry, have children, choose to move or change carrier etc. bubblez4eva: It's not just about him not cutting them off. It's about him not really defending her where it counts. Low contact is a thing, and he can't even do thar while they're actively harassing her. He wants to let the people who hurt her have an opportunity to do it again. People like this don't change. It's hard, bit something must be done. potenttechnicality: Giving him time to get his feet under himself was wise because the burden of responding to all this is gonna fall pretty squarely on him. That said, there's a fast approaching limit to what you should take without fighting back. I'd have cameras in the house to catch any more "intervention" visits. Hell, I'd invite SIL over just to preserve one of her rants, maybe make her briefly toktok famous. I know she's gone all uber-Flanders but what about her church? Is it that extreme? Maybe resolve not to wear a pants suit for once and approach the Minister for councelling. You're upset. You don't have know what she has against you but she's spreading these evil rumors and she actually hit you! You know she's having a hard time what with her husband's drinking, the arrest and all. Of course you'd love to attend services, maybe one day even marry in the church but honestly, so many have heard the rumors you sadly couldn't feel welcome. Said with a wistful, downcast expression. Thank him his time and sadly be on you way. Let a hundred flowers blossom from the seeds you have planted. Second Update August 21, 2024 Well I am out of emotional fucking real estate here but here goes everything - I have a feeling this isnt going to be short so (TLDR SIL is depressed and self harming after we cut her out and BF is clearly hurting): I guess I have to start naming people as this is becoming something of a fucking saga. My BF "Dean" (I am a Supernatural fan so sue me lol) sat me down a few days after my last post. He was very, very calm, and that was my first sign that I needed to gird my loins because I was in for a doozy. For background, generally, I am the calm logically lead one while he is passionate and deep feeling. In this, we became polar opposites of that norm. He looked me right in the eye and asked me point blank no-bullshit how this was all affecting me. Every time he would ask before I just couldn't bring myself to tell him how upsetting it all was since I was the "put together" one all the time but this time, because he was so calm and direct, I just broke down. Nightmare isn't the word. It was hell. We live around what is known as a small big city meaning it's big sure but once you get in certain circles you find that everyone knows you and you know most everyone or at least someone who knows them. So, in a way, it can be like a small town. Our state is generally religious outside our city. So rumors spread. With my SIL's (I will call her Wren going forward) social media attacks on me, it was the scuttlebutt everyone craved. Some people sided with her, not most, but enough. I was getting dirty looks and rude treatment, my hairstylist is their cousin and she told me she can't work on my hair anymore until this is resolved as she was getting pressure from the family (i.e. Wren and stepMIL "Penny"). It was schoolyard and immature, but it was enough to make me feel bad. I got done saying all this to Dean, and he said, "Okay then, we will block them." So matter of fact. I knew it as a hard thing to decide on for him, as he loves the shit out of his family and they are his world so I pushed back at the idea saying as much and that I couldn't ever stand in the way of his him and his whole family. I started to cry harder, and he had to sit me down and get me some wine and water and blanket burrito-ed me and hugged me until I could talk again. I said I couldn't live with myself knowing I made him choose me over his family, and he said I hadn't made him, they did. We then started talking logistics because he wasn't budging. I was sad the whole time, because I am usually tough and have a don't give a shit attitude but he is so close to them and I am not overly close with most of my own family. I hated taking something so rare and beautiful away from him, my fault or not. We cut them off. Blocked almost everyone after sending a text about what was happening and why. And worse, it was Wren's birthday party the next day. I took my guy to a festival happening in the city so he wouldn't have to think about it and we were out until 2 or 3 the next morning. When we got home, our neighbor said we had a lot of people coming to knock on our door. 1 or 2 at a time. And a couple then asked our neighbors if we were home. Later, when I was making lunch, the police came by for a wellness check. They said his "mother" is concerned about him. Him. Not me. Just him. Dean said coldly that his mother is dead, and if his father's wife sent them, he wanted it on record that they were not in touch and he wanted no contact. Penny was at our door by dinner. Some of this was before I got into the room because I was cooking, but Dean told me he heard a knock and thought it was the neighbors and opened without looking. Wren was standing there, eyes red as if she had been crying. She asked to come in, and he said no, so she started to cry - loudly - and I heard it and came to see what the fuss was. She had fallen into him sobbing and wailing, asking what she did that was so wrong that he's treating her like this. That he's her baby, and she loves him, but he is so cold and mean to her now and all that bullshit. I was angry but I saw his face he was tearing up and pushed her away asking her to leave. That's when she saw me. She was sobbing an apology like, "I am so sorry if I ever made you feel like you're not family. You won. Please don't take my baby from us." She went on to say if this is about their religion then they won't pray around me and stuff like that and when she finally finally stopped rambling I said it was not about their religion. I am an atheist, sure, that's my choice. But I don't mind people having faith in something. I actually somewhat envy people who do as I just don't and probably can't. I told her it was about my treatment from her and others in the family. That I was cast as the villain for almost 3 fucking years and I was prepared to grin and bear our whole natural lives but then she gets nastier with me with the gossip mill and above all that, she put hands on me. She had the absolute gumption, gall to slap me, and the family collectively decided to let that slide. I won't tolerate physical abuse. I had an abusive ex. I won't be accepting that. Ever. Honestly, that was the singular thing that made me realize two things: she will never respect or care about me, and more that I can never respect her ever from that moment on. It all just flooded out of me. I never yelled. I was just firm and direct about it. This is what happened. This is the hurt you did, and here are the consequences. She practically collapsed in our home wailing by the time I finished, and she would interject "okay you hate me, I get it," or "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, " and things like that. I asked Dean to get her water, and he did. When he returned and handed her the glass, he said she should drink something, and she shook her head and said that she couldn't. We asked her if she hurt herself getting to the ground, and she just got really, really calm and wiped her eyes and had this weird frown, tears still streaming down. She told us that she came to apologize, and she apologized, but we've been clear we don't want anything to do with her or the family, and that breaks her heart. She can't eat or drink anymore because life is not worth living knowing Dean hates her. Dean shook his head but said nothing other than "Don't mistreat yourself like that. That's not fair." Then she just walked through the door and said that I won, he's mine, and to please take care of him for her. The moment the door closed, Dean started to cry. I tried to comfort him, but he pulled away. He said he isn't mad at me or anything, but that was just a lot, and he feels like shit. He told me he knew she was being manipulative but he almost wanted to take her apology because it's just been so hard and he knows she will spin this somehow to make us look as callous and hateful as possible and his father would be ashamed of him. A week goes by, and Dean has cheered up a bit. He apologized to me for crying to which I said he never has to apologize to me for his feelings or crying or anything like that and that I am proud of him for being rational in an entirely irrational moment. He is making friends and picking up hobbies where family events would be like instead of mass and Sunday dinner, he goes to shoot hoops with a community group, he signed up for a patch on the community garden, and he's been taking the time he would usually take to hang out with Penny and help around the house to volunteer at the animal shelter down the way from our home. He came home this past Monday in a bad mood. He was honest that he was upset and would be bad company, so he needed space, so I obliged and went out with a friend. When I came home, he asked me to sit down and said he logged into social media, and a friend messaged him a post that Penny made about Wren asking for prayers. Wren was severely depressed and had quit doing much of anything according to the post, and she was suffering from "the heartbreak of her life," but they didn't explain what that was. This friend of Dean's comment if there is anything we can all do and Penny replied "Pray" and nothing more. Yesterday rolled around and BIL "Teddy" calls, he's not blocked or cut off because he's been having our backs, to tell us Wren is in the hospital as she tried to take all of her meds at once. She's been asking for Dean. I told him that shes in the hospital, and he could go to her if he wanted and I even will go with him or not depending on what he told me he needed but he refused to go. He's been blue ever since, and I'm worried. Wren is practically a mother to him, so I know it's hard. I feel like shit because this is really all because I agreed to some stupid joke to fire back at hers. Normally, I would just say these are manipulation tactics, but to down pills out of spite is some next level commitment to the bit, and I feel like I've really shattered my man's world. I don't know if I need to give him time, or sit him down right now, or up our therapy, or take him on a vacation or fucking what. He's my person. I hurt when he hurts. And we're fucking hurting right now. Sorry this went so long - I guess I had more to say than I thought. Relevant Comments CrystalQueen3000: I think it’s clear at this point that’s she manipulative and mentally unwell and there’s not much you can do about either of those things Let her work it out with professionals and encourage your partner to get into therapy Either_Management813: This is not about the skeleton or the joke, it is about your BF slipping out of her control. Perhaps now she’ll get professional help and I think your BF might benefit from counseling as well. Still NTA Edit: correct typo GlassAd48: Why hasn’t “Dean” admitted to them all the he was the progenitor of the prank? Head he even tried to publicly call them on their BS? OOP: He has. He told Wren and others many times how it happened but Wren especially insisted I forced him to lie. He also commented on some of the posts made on social media before we blocked everyone. Third Update September 22, 2024 We've endured a lot from his family at this point. From them calling into my job to complain about me, to the police coming by because I am "abusing" him. I won't make this another War and Peace manuscript by typing all that happened out but it's been a lot. Dean got a job elsewhere in the state. It's been a rollercoaster for him. We talked it out and he accepted. He doesn't want to be near family anymore. Well that Medusa of a woman found out and Teddy told us she's throwing a fit. So I knew, I just knew she would come around soon. I told Dean this and he looked at me and said "You think so?" And I said I know so. So he came home that next day with more skeletons! They are propped up around the porch, in the yard, and next to the garage. They have names. He named them! Boney Stark, Marrow Munroe, Tibia Turner...he's given them backstories. The man has lost his mind lol. Sure enough she showed up. We have a ring cam now so we both got alerts and saw her coming. He got up and said he would take care of it so I just watched the cam and stayed in bed. He tells her to leave and she demanded to know why he was moving. She was blaming it on me, making it seem like I bullied him into the job and he needed to come to his senses and leave me. He refused. So she slapped him. Twice. Then started to cuss at him, hitting him with her fists and he backed up and pushed her away. Then she falls and starts to scream that he's hit her and that he's a monster and she's calling for help. She woke up the whole neighborhood with her bullshit. Dean was doing his best to stay calm but opened the door and told me to call the police. And I watched her smugly say that if he dares, she will tell them that he and I attacked her. And shows him her arm, and says she has the injuries, and no one will believe him. He just stared at her and went inside. She went nuts and threw Boney Stark into the rosebushes. Then, she sat on our porch just fucking chilling until the police arrived. She threw on the waterworks the moment the cop car pulled in. She actually had gotten out of the chair meant for Boney, laid down on the stairs, and started to cry. Police sorted this pretty quickly because as Oscar worthy of a performance she gave, we had footage. It was my turn to be smug. I cast it on our large TV for all to see. She cussed me out saying I was a bitch and a loser - a harpy who charmed her baby and lunged for me. Dean got in the way and told her to get the fuck out of our house and that she's disgusting and manipulative. He then said "I'm not your baby. And you know what? Thank you. Thank you for showing me who you are. Now I can't wait to get away from you. Good job." I think she figured it all out in that moment because this time when she cried, I believed her. She just sobbed and the cops took her outside. We had her legally removed and put in a request for a restraining order. We currently have a temporary one for the case to be reviewed but it expires after we move so now we are just being careful about our information. Dean was really sad the first few days but now is excited. He keeps talking about the city we are moving to. It's very fun, odd, and has a lot of live music and events. I know he will mourn it once it catches up with him and he's keeping busy to not think about it too much, but it is good to see him smile. I missed that. The family tried harassing us but he would forward the footage and tell them if they don't want him to go fully NC to cut it out and keep her under control. Sometimes it makes him cry and other times it just makes him mad. I've asked if he wanted me to take over some of this and he says no. He just wants us to ride this out, pack up, and get settled in the city. Oh and the skeletons are coming with us. Relevant Comments Little_Yesterday_548: Does anyone else think she might be “Dean’s” bio mom? There is an 18 year age gap between them. Much-Performer1190: Possible. I was 13 when I learned in an argument my "sister" was my mother and mom was my grandmother. Fucked me up for 20 years Cursd818: Your SIL is extremely abusive. Every single thing she is doing is to batter you and your BF into submitting to her. She doesn't love or care for your BF, she loves herself and how good she feels about being a martyr to raise him. She has used violence against you, she's used peer pressure against you, she's even used violence against herself as another weapon to beat you both with. It's awesome that your BF finally realises how abusive she is and is escaping from her grip on him. Good luck enjoying your new life, free of their madness. Curious-One4595: I would have insisted on an assault/pfma charge then and there. She is violent and unbalanced. OP, there will be a lot of grieving. But your move and NC will give you and him a new freedom that you will celebrate. SheBlogsForFun: Hold up are you two married? If not, skeletons have to be an element in the wedding. Or renew your vows OOP: We aren't married yet but this idea is intriguing lol existential_chaos: Please have Boney Stark and Marrow Monroe up there with you lmao, that’d be hilarious. Atvali: What a rollercoaster. I can't believe she did that to Boney. What did he do to deserve this?!?! She sounds like she might have BPD (but I'm no doctor so do NOT take that as fact or a diagnosis, it's just an opinion) She needs serious help Dean is a keeper, he sounds like he's really done his best with the whole situation and it's refreshing to see people who have their heads screwed on properly (being you and Dean) I wish you two the best. Put a ring on his finger asap! Reminder: I am not OOP. Do NOT comment on Original Posts. No Brigading! See Rule 7. submitted by /u/swtogirl to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwawaythehatersok Originally posted to r/AITAH Previous BoRU #1 [New Update]: Fiancé thinks I am an ass for not converting NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder & u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: religion abuse, verbal abuse, threatening behavior, harassment, stalking, assault RECAP Original Post: August 21, 2024 Throwaway as my main he follows. I've never posted on this sub before so please delete if not allowed. I (F35) and my Fiance "Todd" (M41) met over a decade ago and we have a mutual friend group. We started dating last year, and got engaged last month. Generally speaking, he treats me like a queen. He spoils me a lot and I appreciate it always. He's usually respectful and kind, communicative and patient with me. This started to change and I want to say it started to change once the ring was accepted. I need to be clear, I don't much care to get married. I am perfectly fine with not. My parents aren't married but they have been in love and together for over 40 years. My siblings are all but one unmarried but in seemingly happy relationships each at least for 5 years. But Todd is Christian and is of the mind that two people eventually need to get married to be happy. We talked about it at length both before we were a couple and after we started dating. I was clear that I don't want or need a ring but if it's important to a partner I come to love then whatever. I will do a small wedding. He was overjoyed when he proposed and I said yes in front of pretty much everyone in our little world but later said that I didn't seem excited enough and it felt like I didn't want to marry him. I said I love him and if he wants a marriage then sure, but to say I want to marry? I mean I know he wants to, and if that's what he wants, and since it doesn't matter to me either way, the math was easy. Let's get married. I said it sort of jokingly to lighten the mood but he didn't like that at all and nearly every other day he would find a way to ask me if I really wanted to marry him or he would simply that he feels like I don't. I suggested couples therapy as it seems to really be on his mind and troubling him, and he said he's done therapy before and doesn't need to do it again. Then last week, on our usual date night, he said he had something really big to ask me. "Call it a favor if that makes it better" and asked me to come to his church and get baptized. I stared at him. I am atheist and have been since I was midtwenties. He has known that for years, and we've always been respectful of each others beliefs. I told him I couldn't do that. Baptism is supposed to be sacred and with a true heart for that faith, and I simply would be a liar if I said I wanted to live for his god because I frankly don't. He argued that it's just "a splash of water and some words," and since he wants it before our wedding and I "don't care about religion either way," this should be easy. I refused again explaining that I do care about religion. My majors were World Religions and Anthropology. I care a LOT. And it would be dishonest to his god and our community for me to dedicate my life to his religion outwardly but not inwardly. I said it felt disrespectful to his faith and the people who truly live it. He got angry with me "oh so you're okay, disrespecting me, though," and when I asked what he meant, he said to drop it and changed the subject. I pressed more, but he raised his voice. "I said drop it." Loud enough for others to turn and look at us. He'd been robotic around me since. Days up in his study all night, sleeps on his study couch, goes to every service and event/gathering his church has (which is most weekday nights and Saturday morning as well as sunday) and has been inviting me to every single one. He hadn't done that since we started dating he did it then I said I respect his beliefs and will go to something like a wedding or christening or baptism but not a simple service or event. When he asked me just a few minutes ago tonight, I reminded him of the above and he just dropped into our couch and sobbed and when I went over to comfort and talk to him, he pushed me away and left muttering something about running late for service. His sister "Esther" texted me to ask what happened and I gave a brief summary and she texted back that I am being a jerk and one service isn't going to make me "burst into flames" and it's important to Todd. So am I being a bone head? Am I crazy to think that this pressure is a deal breaker? I do love him, but this version of him is not only a stranger to me but a weight on me. But aren't people supposed to work through that hard shit to get on in a relationship? Edit to update. He texted me a few minute ago saying when he gets home he wants to have a serious talk. I explained that my best friend is over so it will have to wait and he replied "No. Tell her to leave. Give her my love but this is serious." I talked with my bestie "Bessie" F35 and read some of the comments here and told him no indeed. He can go home to his parents, and he is welcome to come in and pack a bag and leave because Bess is here for me right now, and I need her here for me right now. He hasn't responded. Edit to respond to things that have come up a lot either in messages or comments: He has never raised a hand to me. He would never and if it's not for the reason I used to think - that he's not a dick - it would at least be because I am a military brat. Both parents. So not only am I trained to defend myself well, but my parents AHEM would not take kindly. A lot of people brought up kids. I can't get pregnant. I did want kids and then this happened. So now I am okay with the idea of not having any. He said he was okay with that too and we talked about just being dog rescue people. My family likes him. My father, a pastor, loves the guy. But no I haven't told him about this yet. He is non-denominational and goes to a "mega church" in our state. Literally thousands of people. No, it is not a requirement for marriage at his church for me to convert. AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Relevant Comments OOP lists all the "stuff" she has done for him to a downvoted commenter Here Just to be clear, what doesn't count as stuff for him? Is it that instead of paying a fraction of his college costs for this upcoming semester, I covered it all for him? Is it that I gave him my old car when his broke down and transferred it to his name without him paying a dime? Oh hold on, I know, it's because I cook for him every weekday when I am home, do our grocery shopping so he doesn't have that on his plate, let him move in rent-free because he couldn't afford to renew his lease and even got a he-shed out back for him out of my own dime so he has a place to decompress and paint. No not that... I should have funded his WHOLE mission trip last year instead of half...is that it? Ohhhhh I know what you're talking about, it's that I do the majority of the housework so he can focus on his degree. Nah you probably just mean that I took the time last year to find his undergrad college years buddies and flew his mother in for his 40th birthday, had it catered, decorated, and hired a bartender. Or is it more basic like the fact that when he went vegan, I switch up my whole lifestyle and only eat vegan when out and about and purged all non-vegan items not for the dog from the home. Thank you because actually I am now seeing I do so damn much for this man and he should treat me like a queen becauae I treated him like a king. This was eye opening. 295Phoenix: NTA Time to break up. But, dang, I love how so many Christians take their religion less seriously than we do. An insincere baptism is indeed disrespectful yet so many Christians want nonbelievers to do it! OOP: This is what confuses me most. If it's such an important part of his life, how is he okay with me lying and insincerity "devoting" my life to Christ? I am not against people who have faith. But those that I know who do - truly do beyond platitudes and the mainstream, are kind and loving and would be offended so much if someone faked it and lied about it and gone through sacred rites and the like. It doesn't make sense why he keeps switching sides on it. Utter_cockwomble: No it's a ploy. "Oh just get baptized, it's not serious, just some water and some words!" "Oh please come to the service, the pastor really wants to meet you!" "I told the Youth Leader that you'd help, I'm sure you don't mind? It's for the kids, it's not really religious, just a prayer at the beginning and end!" "But sweetheart we HAVE to raise our kids in the church, what will everyone think?" They've got a script- no seriously- on how to trickle-truth convert someone. He's getting IMMENSE pressure from the church to bring you into the fold, to save you, to prevent you from being 'unequally yoked', to hunt and win a soul for Jesus. OOP: That is...terrifying. I was clear when I left the church eons ago that I am not and will not follow that faith. He never hinted once that I can think of to do what you're saying but it really makes me think this might be exactly what he's doing. I can't get pregnant so kids are out of the equation but I couldn't bear it if he tried to push me more into his church life. I'm involved a bit to make him happy. I do help at certain events and such. I have skills they sometimes need, and not at all opposed to a food or clothing or back to school drive and the like. I figured it less about it being a church event and more a community event where we helped people.   Update: August 28, 2024 Last week I posted about a problem between myself (F35) and my Fiance "Todd" (M41) because despite having been respectful of each others beliefs until now, he is Christian and I am an athiest, he now wants me to get baptized. It came to a head and he stormed out so I called my BFF to keep me company since I was pretty sad and emotional. I do a lot for him and Bess, the bestie, and a lot of you here helped me see that the relationship as is either needs to have serious changes to it or it needs to end. Logical. But logic is hard to cling to when you're heartbroken. I think I already knew he wouldn't change anything for me. I did text him that night that he needs to go back to his parents house - the house we live in is mine - and that I needed space. Guess he and his sister gave his parents an alternate version of events because they came by that night anyway. All of of them. His mom, dad, sister Esther, and him. He had a key so he just walked in as Bess and I are drinking on the couch watching Netflix. I asked what he was doing here, and his family came into the room behind him. I asked what's going on. The way he looked at me is unexplainable, but his mom pushed by him and just yanked me into a very aggressive hug. She said that they were here to talk as a family and have a family meeting. And then told Bess she needed to leave. Bess refused. His mom turns to me to ask me to have Bess leave. I refuse. Its late, and I'm in not state to talk anything else. Please leave. It devolves into passive aggressive disapproval that I won't take guidance from the man I plan to marry. His parents (his father is a pastor) sat down to give me what felt like a whole pre-planned speil about how I am an adult and need to act like one and kicking a man out of his home for "doing the right thing" is a tantrum. His dad once even said that he is so disappointed in me and will be telling my father (also a pastor) about this. Gotta be honest I was dumbfounded for 85 percent of this and then finally (I guess it was the booze) started to laugh and told them to get out. His dad refused and called me volatile and suggested I get counseling. I told him this is my house, and I will call the police and to get the FUCK out. It was the first time I cussed in front of them. Pearls were clutched, I was called trashy and Bess held her phone like "okay, I am calling the cops, she asked you to leave." I heard his dad say "You're not marrying that" as they left and they muttered other hurtful things making a whole thing of them being sad and disappointed by me. They left. Todd packed a bag and left with them. He continued to text me invites to services. "It will help you." Stating that he is concerned about me and the path I am choosing. That his parents aren't sure he should marry me but he loves me and wants what's best for me. I told him I need space and to leave me alone but he kept texting. I said that the wedding is off and Sunday when I got home from running errands he was on the porch crying. He had a hand written letter that he wanted to read to me but I said absolutely not and told him to go away. He kept asking me to think about what I am doing and how my choices effect more than just myself and more. I pointed to my doorbell cam and said I have footage of me repeatedly asking him to leave and Bess was recording the night his parents and sister and he ganged up on me. Go. Away. He threw his hand up like he was going ro strike me and I just screamed. I didn't even mean to, it was so sudden and it scared me. He went to start apologizing but a neighbor came out to see what was happening and he just left. I texted him to never come back ever - he is no longer welcome. I will mail his stuff to his parents but he is no longer welcome on my property ever again. He tried to apologize but I no longer care to hear any of his words. He did leave his written letter and I have read it. So has Bess. She keeps telling me it's just manipulation but it just breaks me. The locks get changed tomorrow. Bess is helping me pack his shit. His father is picking up his stuff tonight. And I am just sitting here replaying the past week and a half in my head over and over. I know its pathedic but I am shattered. I haven't been able to really sleep yet, and I feel like I don't even reside in my own body anymore. Just going through the motions. Bess is staying with me. I've been getting texts and social media comments about how disgusting I am - like my notfications just went insane over the weekend. This is just a nightmare and I'm not even sure how to wade through this. Relevant Comments Wasatchbl: It is so hard to believe that he kept hidden that he wanted to convert you before marriage. That is the only explanation for this behavior so far into our relationship and close to marriage. It seems like he was keeping counsel with his parents while telling you what you wanted to hear. OOP: It's hard for me to fathom this. I thought we loved each other. I would do most anything for him, and I thought he felt the same way. But the way his family came down on me, it was surreal. If Bess weren't there, I really can't say what they might have convinced me off. It was a lot. They were all basically echoing the same sentiments and making it out that I was deranged and stupid and more. I didn't let them see my tears, but it was a devastating tirade of attacks, and I was so tired and so in my feelings that it was all too much. Bess thinks it was a coordinated effort to overwhelm me into complying, and if I was alone, they would have pushed me over the edge into believing them. Obvious_Amphibian270: OP, don't meet with the father when he comes to get stuff. Pile that shit in the yard and let daddy haul it away. As for people blowing up your phone, block every last one of them. OOP: Bess is here with me and she will meet him at the door. All Todd's shit is boxed up out front. So if all goes to plan, I won't even have to see the guy. If not, the people who live in proximity are keeping an eye out. Sparklelilglitter: Why don't you post the footage on social media? From the parents bombarding you to him coming back and trying to strike you. Show them the truth. You have the footage. OOP: Bess shares your enthusiasm for this option. I am too.tired/stressed/hurt to even deal with that. I want to speak with my parents first, make a plan, really be able to make the steps forward that I need. I am so empty but angry, but sad, but a thousand other things. I'm just not in a state I trust my own judgement right now. Posting it is something that can't be taken back. So if I do, I want to be sure and above reproach. &nbsp: ----NEW UPDATE---- Trigger Warnings: stalking, assault Update 2: September 22, 2024 I don't know how to do trigger warnings, only that they are important when writing posts. So I wanted to add this up here. Physical violence happened. I want to start with I am mostly okay now. I am safely at Bess's being fussed over by her hen-ness and finally have been able to sleep and eat somewhat normally. Todd's father was on my doorstep again not long after my last post. Bess told him through the door that everything he needed was right there and to grab it and leave. He got mad demanding I come out to speak with him calling me a cowardly and sick woman and other insults. Bess just said he can save it for the camera because I am not there (I was) and he just loaded his car, said he would pray for me, and left. We thought that to be it, but then a couple knocked on the door. I dont know them personally but I do recognize them as from Todd's church so I kindly explain that we've broken up and to reach out to their pastor to find him. They then told they are here for me and asked to be invited in. I said no. The guy asked me to please not be inhospitable (exact word - TF) and I said that this will be the last time I politely ask them to leave. So they left. I ordered no trespassing signs online but the next day a different couple from the church pulled the same stunt except this time the guy was agressive. He used my birth name (I changed it legally 4 years ago) and argued with me through the door cam and his wife kept trying beg me to keep the peace and come out to talk. I refused. A week after that, Todd was back but my dad was over. He had heard about this situation and oddly enough was trying to convince me to come stay back home for a bit. When Todd was outside, Dad stepped out. Dad's retired military and very tall and ordered Todd to leave. That's when Dad asked again for me to come home so I compromised that I would go to Bess's. While I was away Dad would check on the house and take in packages and put the no trespassing signs up. He also added cameras and came over to Bess's to make sure I had the app sync'd. After a few days I don't know how to explain it but I just felt cooped up, so Bess and I went with a mutual male friend Sam M35 for drinks. Todd was there. He walked in about an hour after me and Bess. Sam spotted him first and got up blocking our booth from him. He saw us and went to the other side of the bar and just sat a while. Sam and Bess asked me if I wanted to leave and I did so we went next door. Todd showed up soon after. We moved to the pub next door and same. It happened 4 seperate times and Bess recorded it each time. Sam drove us around a bit and we needed up at a different bar miles away and Sam asked me if I had checked my stuff. We went through my purse and found nothing but I remember that my location was on an app I shared with friends snd family. I removed Todd from it and texted a few others to say I was turning my location off and did. I checked my cameras and sure enough Todd was parked on the street right in front of my house. He stayed there for over an hour. Sam convinced me to call the police. I could see they talked with him but it didn't pick up audio that far out. Todd left without incident. I made a full report with recordings the next day. I was told that he did nothing illegal, and he's allowed to exist in public spaces and that night he was on the street, not my property, so he's off the hook there too. He never approached me. He never spoke to me. He did nothing wrong. So they can make the report but no charges are available to me. The cop who told me all this was very condescending and he seemed to just want to be done with me so I left. About a week later, I had recordings of him coming to the same parking spot in front of my house 4 times and just sitting there. Then, that Friday, he showed up at the bar Sam works at. Sam had him tossed out but he refused and so Sam had him legally tresspassed but when the cops came around Todd argued that Sam is a bigot and he is targeting him for his faith and he is friends with "My wife" who is atheist. He got a warning but left on his own. I've been with Bess the whole time but now I think I have to tell my dad as he's still showing up at my house. Bess is helping me find a lawyer to help since the police haven't been taking me seriously. This is just so fucking insane. It doesn't even make sense. Sam put no trespassing and no soliciting signs on my property and I am digging into my savings to get a fence up. I can't beleive this is my life right now. Edit: so sorry - I put up the trigger warning but edited out the violence I think subconsciously because I didn't want to upset anyone. When Todd came around one time a neighbor of mine who knows what's been happening went up and told him I don't want him there and asked him to leave and Todd shoved her down to the ground and raised a fist like he would strike her but then drove off. I have the footage and sent it to her in case she wants to press charges. Relevant Comments OOP might be in danger if she stays in the area OOP: It's why I tried to go to the police but they aren't doing anything. The best I can do roght now is not be in the predictable spaces I used to go to and try to prepare to move. Does the police have the footage from OOP? OOP: The police have everything. I have an ongoing email thread with the Sgt complete with links and folders and all the footage and photos I have. They haven't done anything and say that if my neighbor presses charges they have the footage on file. Commenter: What country/state are you located. That could have a lot to do with stalking laws that vary from place to place. If you’re in a place that has good stalking laws, take your evidence to the women’s advocate for domestic violence. OOP: I am in a southern state of the USA. I am learning from talking with people that its not uncommon that police aren't all that helpful in cases like this.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/luvthyf_ingneighbor, Originally posted to r/EntitledKarens BoRU #1 [New Updates]: My Neighbor Demands I Marry His Son NEW UPDATES MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: homophobia, cancer, destruction of property Editor’s Notes: due to the lengths of earlier posts, they have exceeded the character limits. I made TL; DRs, for each of OOP’s prior posts to the latest update(s). This is in order to fit all posts in one BoRU here. For full text and relevant comments from older posts, please see previous BoRUs linked at top of this post RECAP/TL;DRs for Original and Updates #1 - #4 Original Post: August 22, 2024 OOP, “Zennia”, 35F, inherited her grandfather's house after his passing. She reflects on her grandfather's legacy as a beloved community figure and Vietnam War veteran. Zennia identifies as bisexual, dating her girlfriend, Dinah. Her neighbor, Mr. Miles, expresses disapproval of the relationship, insisting she should marry his son instead. Despite Zennia's firm stance, Mr. Miles reacts by vandalizing her pride flag. His son, Paul, attempts to ask Zennia out, dismissing her relationship with Dinah. Zennia stands her ground, asserting her relationship's validity and setting boundaries, while Dinah supports her through the ordeal.   Update #1: August 27, 2024 Zennia recounts troubling encounter with law enforcement following harassment from Mr. Miles. With a previous incident where Mr. Miles attempted to demean Zennia and Dinah’s relationship, the couple decided to stay with family for safety. Upon returning home, they were unexpectedly visited by police responding to a call alleging Zennia was holding Dinah against her will. Zennia navigates the situation with humor, clarifying Dinah is a lesbian and the call originated from Mr. Miles. Zennia provides video evidence of Mr. Miles' prior harassments, the police inform them that without solid proof, they can’t pursue harassment charges.   Update #2: August 31, 2024 Zennia reviews her situation following a recent police incident. She describe their life, including Dinah's creative gardening and colorful decorations, which attracts HOA’s attention. They receive a notice from an HOA officer about multiple violations regarding rainbow-themed decorations. Dinah is frustrated, after receiving an unaddressed box containing American flags. Zennia is concerned with potential fines from HOA and conflicts with Mr. Miles and his son, who they suspect are behind the complaints. Zennia explains an ongoing police investigation related to a previous incident and express uncertainty about HOA's existence.   Update #3: September 1, 2024 Zennia explains more on the developments from ongoing saga with Mr. Miles, following police involvement regarding harassment with unexpectedly twists. Zennia and Dinah discover their street lacks HOA, Dinah is excited and starts plans on painting their house in rainbow colors. Mr. Miles and his son, Paul, who raised concerns about security cameras. Zennia playfully engages with Paul, frustrating him. Dinah distributes mini rainbow flags to neighbors. Zennia's mother has history with Mr. Miles, offers to intervene. Dinah and Zennia prepare for a transformation of their home, they seek fun and creative ideas for their space.   Update #4: September 7, 2024 At BBQ, Zennia and Dinah hosted a colorful "painting party" after getting the idea from Mr. Miles. Police responds to a noise complaint but found no laws were broken, leading to a fun evening filled with music and laughter. Next day, Mr. Miles visited to discuss the situation, expressing concerns about decorations for his ailing mother, Sugah. Zennia rejected his offer. Dinah returned home with more colorful decorations. When Sugah returned home, she appreciated vibrant displays but was upset about the flag Mr. Miles damaged. After sharing heartfelt stories, Sugah encouraged Zennia to propose to Dinah, leading to a surprise engagement. A romantic date night filled with nostalgia and laughter, Zennia proposed to Dinah, who accepted.   ----NEW UPDATES---- Editor’s Note: OOP made a typo with the numbers of her update. She listed the latest update as 4th, this is the 5th update. Update #5: September 15, 2024 Heyyyyy, So it's only been a week and stuff happened but generally not enough for me to come back to our Lil online chat and be like slams hands down on table YALL. But in my random reddit scrolling I got a message from a troll who linked a whole ass page of accounts with every insult under the sun about me. I'm insufferable, illiterate, not black (honestly that one was just mean) or gay enough (that too), and I had a good laugh at the gatekeepers of both things. Sorry, can't help either. And my not-black-enough black ass is bisexual and very used to being not "gay" enough for folks so here's a think, sweetpeas, don't read my posts 🤷‍♀️ Let me explain to you the absolute bullshit of binary spectrums in communities. They are worthless and labels should only be used for clarifications and short forms. Like I say I am bi, right? And argument can be made that I am pan... Are they gone? Good. Just you and me again boo. Fuck the trolls. I really only logged on to scroll before I found a troll page of bullies Mr. Miles would be proud of but ain't that a thing because Mr. Miles has no time for that right now and that might be because my little rainbow-themed home has been such a blessing. I have neighbors I've never met from blocks I've never visited who pull up in their cars and say hello. I've spent more time outside on the front porch because of it. This week has been magic. Not only am I engaged to the hottest woman around, but Daddy surprised us with tickets. Christmas in paradise. We are going to ARUBA. It will be me, my boo, my mom and daddy, and a pair of friends that are more like siblings. Dinah has been so excited, though she would never admit it. I can tell she's thrilled because she's already got a suitcase out and in a weeks time has been placing items and clothing within. It's adorable. We haven't told many people about the engagement. Dinah wants to send invites first in the mail and THEN post on socials. She's been in full wedding mode and it's...terrifying...and cute. I can't wait to marry her. I can't wait to share more about the wedding but we are a way off from there. We won't be having a wedding for at least a year. She has family not here in country and it's hard to get schedules going, plus she's in design mode and needs time to make it all perfect. So why am I here (other than to further make the trolls in and out of my DMs angry - 💋) well, it's because Mr. Miles actually crossed a line. Can't tell you what happened before but I can tell you most of after. Whatever happened, Miles was out on the porch with his sister and they were having a HEATED talk. Dinah and I didn't even really register it until I paused our game of Injustice (great game, you should play) to grab a blanket and we heard them talking. Of course we minded NONE of our own business and rushed like kids to the window closest. Miles was drunk or SOMETHING because his sister (I guess we will call her Candy? F??? - WE DONT ASK WOMEN BEYOND A CERTAIN AGE THEIR AGE OK) kept telling him to be quiet and go inside and sober up. He got mad and she said that he can leave as he is not helping their mom (Sugah) but making everything about him and his issues. He got in her face and started to yell, so Dinah and I stepped outside for several reasons but one was definitely to be seen so he knew if he put hands on her, there were witnesses. Plus we wanted to be able to step in if it did get out of hand. I said "Hey Ms. Candy, you good?" And Mr. Miles, loud enough for damn near the state, SCREAMED at me "No one wants your f*g-ass opinion!" Candy slapped him, and Dinah was already on their porch before I even knew it. She was already pulling Candy back but Mr. Miles just stood there holding his face. He called her a bitch. Then called Dinah a word I think would get me banned. Then said we were all enter incoherent but probably bigoted thing here - didn't hear him. I don't speak bigot and am only mildly fluent in moron but he was loud enough. Sugah came out asking what the hell was going on here and Dinah had no problems explaining our perspective. Sugah looked at Miles and just told him to leave to his son's. Miles asked where he should go and she repeated to his son's. He asked which, and she said "Whichever will put up with your bullshit tonight Miles, I don't care!" And she told me and Dinah to go in. We all did and we watched her lock the man out. He didn't even try to stop her, he just watched. And then he sat there for at least 45 min -because we did check periodically. Not sure the situation because Candy and Sugah will talk about anything BUT but what. A. Week. Yall. Ps. You damn right I am hanging out at the mailbox, pool, wherever to get the tea. Just don't have it all yet. Lol Relevant Comments OOP on what kind of wedding she wants to have with Dinah OOP: Im good with a courthouse wedding however Dinah would absolutely destroy me lol   Update #6: September 18, 2024 Lawd, this is becoming one of those sagas - but YALL. BABY. GOT. THE. TEA. Okay, so in my last post, I shared about Mr. Miles and his breathtaking lack of social awareness trying to take on his sister, Candy, resulting in him getting slapped by said sister and then locked out by Sugah. Yesterday, I took a day off. I dont know if I ever mentioned it but I get vivid and awful flashbacks sometimes - usually only when I'm over stressed or overstimulated these days - due to CPTSD (another story for another time perhaps). Well, as much as I prefer to keep it light, Mr. Miles acting that way with my fiance within a physical range of him freaked me out a bit. I wanted to scold her for putting herself in a position where she could get hurt but I remembered 2 very important things that made me shut the fuck up. One: If that man of a certain age hit my girl, he wouldn't get a second hit because she can and will FLOOR him and part of me thinks she would want the excuse. As said by Chadwick Boseman's Black Panther, as amusing as that might be...I still don't know where the jails are and the whooping she'd give might land her there for at least a night. Two: Honestly, he's not that stupid. He IS a moron. They like to pile more on which is why he keeps upping his passive agressive bullshit. Different from an idiot aka an "I do it" reactionary. See what I mean? Anyway, regardless, I got a bit stressed. I didn't sleep that night or the night after and had flashbacks for the first time in a HOT MINUTE. Nothing I can't handle, I've dealt with this most of my adult life and I know how to recognize and cope with my symptoms. But that said, to cope and help me decompress, I took some PTO yesterday and sort of just hung around. I was out on the porch waving as folk went by, even walked to the community pool for a lunchtime dip, and then I fuddled around the garden picking some food to cook and surprise Dinah. That's when everyone's favorite neighbor, I will call her "Auntie" since that's what I actually call her in real life along with checks notes everyone else. She's our resident tea party aficionado - she lives to serve and spill everybody's tea. When Pop was alive he would warn me to never volunteer info to her that I don't want God, her angels, Satan, his demons, and my Mama to know. She's...that person. She's sweet, truly, but if you ever want a secret spilled, she's your woman. I think she's 50-something but I honestly don't know. She's claimed 30 for at least a decade. I don't think even she really remembers her real age. Anyway, she walked by while I was in the front garden beds and we had one of those random chats people have when there is no polite way to just ignore one another or keep things brief for the sake of time - the south be the south. She asked me questions, and I gave carefully selected answers per usual. She made very weird assumptions about Dinah, some of which I corrected, and some I left her to assume because, tbh it's simply funnier that way, and then she got onto Mr. Miles. "I heard Miles hollering out here like a damn dog," and I laughed. I said he sure was, and maybe I am a jerk, but I "OOPS" LET SLIP that he dropped a slur or 2. Whoops. Sorry, not sorry. She then said he's been all sorts of messed up about his son. I inquire who and she doesn't know which one but one of them not too long ago came out to Sugah, who, as you might guess, accepting him happily as is with no trouble. But Mr. Miles gound out and hit the fucking roof. He was screaming and ranting and throwing things and shouting insults. If I had to guess, I think I know which son, but I'm not 100% yet. When I asked when all this happened, the time she gave aligned with right before Dinah moved in with me. Like maybe a month before, if memory serves. I had that aha moment right in front of Auntie, and she said "ooh you just thought something good" and was trying to get it out of me and I thought about it. Hmmm...it would REALLY fuck Mr. Miles' next few week at least if I let slip - accidently - that he has tried to marry me off to his sons... So I told her. Fuck him. She acted scandalized and my mission was complete. I offered some of the veggies and went on my merry little way. I...didn't think it through. Sugah was over right before dinner. I was frantically trying to cook - yall I should not be allowed in a kitchen - so I just invited her in. We chatted like we do and she ended up helping me cook (and by "helping" I mean she sort of took over in that way only mothers can by basically pitying you to death before they keep you from burning the house down - pat pat, good work honey now it's the grownups turn). As she cooked and I cleaned and set the table, she apologized because she didn't know Mr. Miles had called me a slur. I told her I had no intention of telling her since I didn't want to upset her. She said to HELL with that notion - she's tougher than I think. She beat cancer after all. I just stared at her like, what does she mean? She looked at me like I was crazy and she said - well didn't I get the invite. I said what invite? And she is throwing a "fuck cancer" party to celebrate the end of her treatment. I told her that I am confused, I thought she was...? And she stared at me like "What, girl, spit it out." So I told her what Mr. Miles told me about her dying and to not upset her. She stopped everything she was doing and spun around and shouted "He said WHAT?" And then explained she was in the hospital longer because in her excitement to go home, she fell and hit her head, so by their procedure had to keep her a while and do scans before release due to her condition and age. The closest she is getting to "dying" is merely age. I actually dropped into the chair next to me and balled my eyes out. She wrapped me up in a big hug and tried to calm me down. She kept saying "Baby, I ain't gonna leave you just yet. Now stop that crying." And I just screamed "I CAN'T" laughing and crying at the same time. I can't break down all the memories I have with this woman. She's our community mom, grandmother, and all in between. She's the glue that keeps us a community. She keeps the peace, helps you out, offers you comfort. Steeling myself for her loss was taking so much of my energy. It's the reason even, though Dinah and I wanted the wedding out at least a year, we kept it as soon as possible within that time. We wanted her there. A weight didn't lift from my fucking shoulders, it was an entire building. She went from comforting to angry once I calmed down cursing Mr. Miles to herself. And she said "This is why...Mm. That boy." And she saw me listening to her and shrugged. She's kicking him out. He's been really terrible and has been talking about all he will inherit when she got sick at the beginning. She endured listening to her own child sounding almost like he was over her death before she died and moved on to "gimme, gimmie" but then he started to mistreat me and Dinah and that was enough for her to be sure she wanted Candy to be her caregiver. The night he was drunk and a special slice of stupid a few days ago was after she told him he needed to find a new place to live as Candy and her husband will be moving in after Halloween to see after her for a bit. We finished cooking and Dinah had gotten home. She actually saw me in the kitchen apron as I went to greet her in the front and (smiling I swear) she just went "Oh no what's the damage" lol WOMAN I COOK FOR YOU AND THATS YOUR REACTION!? I bring her inside and we insist on sending Sugah home with a plate of the food she mostly cooked and she went home. Over dinner I spilled all the tea to Dinah who reacting similar to me at the news that Sugah will be okay. She still has a couple conditions to monitor but death's not coming stealing just yet. We then placed bets on which son came out. If I am right, we're getting a small hot tub. If she's right, I have to take over chores for 2 months. So we will see. Anyways I returned to work today and didn't have time until now to post. How's the tea taste yall? And just a hearty thank you for following my cray ass life lol its helpful to have fun with it and see the humor with so many friends. It really helps me release some stress at the same time. Thanks a lot. Edit: had to make a quick text but we're getting that damn hot tub. I was right. It was James.   Final Update: September 21, 2024 Coming up to the top before I post to say, this became an emotional, long, crazy, and sentimental post. I am sorry not sorry, blame it on the boogie. Coming back because Dinah had read this and said I should say at the top that you should be warned about content around self harm and homophobia. Hey, Boo. Been missing you. This might be not as entertaining but I am a little sad on top of all the other feelings. This might be my last update on this crazy ass saga. Why? Well it's all about Miles. No mister here anymore. I'm southern, but that ass doesn't deserve the respect and I am feeling spicy today. Long story short - fuck who am I kidding? - It's never short with me. Sit down, get comfy, have some tea. I hear I'm great at spilling it. So I texted James to confirm my suspicions that he was the son Miles flipped out about being gay. James confirmed it but asked if he can call me later and I agreed. I can't remember if I've said in these posts, but he and I are close. Not best friends or anything, but intimate in the sense that we don't lie to each other and always have had this kind of unpsoken pact to always be honest. And by the gods was that man honest. I'm allowed to share all this by the way as per our agreement I didn't lie about these posts. He said the names were different but he heard it on tiktok (GOD I AM OLD) and felt it was too similar and he'd been meaning to ask me. I laughed and he had a great time teasing me for always being one to give an account of events "with a flourish" - I argued that that's how we cook around here, with seasoning. But then he got serious. He apologized for not coming out to me. Tbh it did hurt me deeply that he didn't see me as trustworthy. It took a good and deep talk with Dinah to realize that feeling was selfish and we all have different journeys in realizing and sharing who we are in this crazy ass world. She reminded me of my own crazy story (I'll have to tell you. I think I will post it someday for the cathartic release of it all. And yall are such absolute gems. I feel like maybe you're not my neighbors in the real sense of it of it, but you are in my soul). So I got my head out of my ass, and somewhat started to get over it. I'M HUMAN. I did tell James all of this. And he seemed pretty sad. I said that I wasn't blaming him, and assured him that his journey is his, I am not mad at him or anything, and given how his dad reacted to me being queer, I get it. He then told me what happened. James realized he was gay when he was in college, but his father and grandfather had very detrimental views of "those in sin" so he squashed it and threw it, and his real self, firmly in the closet. Sometimes that "monster", as he viewed it then, came out like a trauma response when he got overwhelmed or stressed out and one day after graduation, he had been in something of a relationship with a guy James is asking me to call "Adonis" (LM-fucking-AO) and they wanted to eventually get married. The problem of dear Miles still was in play, so James started to go in a dark place. It ended when Adonis came home and found James in his own sick after he swallowed a bunch of his pills for sleeping. They pumped his stomach and he was okay in the end physically - Thank the ancestors for that - but his mind was in shreds. He started therapy at the insistence of his BF. He started to feel like himself, his real self, and became the most grateful bastard in the world that his attempt to end himself didn't work because he says his life now is absolutely incredible. So once he recovered, he went to visit his dad and grandmother. When he got Sugah alone, she was cooking his favorite meal (Jallof rice and fish - if yall haven't had this you NEED to try it out. It's not a hard recipe, it just takes time and love. I will share the recipe with anyone interested - when I got the house after Pop died, Sugah shared hers and I've adapted it to my and Dinah's taste) Lord - sorry you know how I can sometimes go off on little details. Anyway, he's with Sugah and she's telling him that she missed him and why hasn't he visited and he slipped and said he was hospitalized and she - obviously - wanted to know more so he just up and told her everything: feeling not his full self, meeting Adonis in college, having his first time with him, falling in love with him, all of it. He was so sure she'd kick him out, but he says she just smiled at him, brought his hands to her forehead, and kissed his cheek. She said she already knew he was "a little on the pendulum" of sexuality since he got into his teens but she was swelling with joy that he trusted her enough to tell her. He felt emboldened by this and decided he would tell his family at dinner...which Auntie, as I mentioned in another post, told me about the outcome of that. Afterwards, Miles did everything he could to convince his son that "living in sin" was wrong, Adonis is a demon, he just needs to marry a nice girl - become a father - be on the oath God outlined for us - and I don't think the word count will allow for me to outline all the fucking abuse this man threw at James but what I will say was that in telling me about it, James broke down several times. It broke my heart and ignited a part of me I didnt know I had - rage. Pure and unbridled. I felt a rage something fierce and I couldn't let go of it. I thanked James for telling me and he said "hey add it to your little saga, I'll be reading to see what seasoning you put on it" and then we made plans for me to meet Adonis next time he comes around the area but he did text me a photo and....CHILD. He really did find a hot one. Think of say, Chris Evans and then Keanu Reeves and imagine they made a baby with the REAL Adonis and that will be close. Abs, blue eyes, killer smile - He's a model. James bagged a fucking model! Sorry for the cussing but damn! Even Dinah thought he was hot and her door does NOT at all swing that way. I told Dinah about my chat with James and she said we need to really foster that friendship more. I asked her what she meant and she said "Whenever you talk about him, you look happy. I think he's a real touchstone for your joy of childhood." And I thought about it and she was right. "James", I know you are reading too. You really are such a brother to me. I know we don't talk often and I know we both have lives but you are as much apart of me as my eyelashes. I'm lucky to have you so don't you "ducking" dare be a stranger. Yesterday was insanity. I worked a halfday from home and there was a knock at the door. It was Sugah, she brought some food because she saw me through my window working away and figured I needed to eat. If you don't have a community Sugah Mama in your life, I am sorry. They are the best. We ate and talked and she said she had news. Miles isn't coming back. His sons refused to take him in, drunk as he was, that night so he ended up at his GF's house. And I know for a fucking fact everyone who says my posts are fake will point to this very moment but I swear there is no way to make this up. He proposed to said GF and she accepted his crusty ass! GIRL! And he calls his mother to say that now she has to choose. She is not invited to his wedding until she apologizes and helps him "fix" James. I literally was howling a "No he did not" and she's screaming "Oh yes he did baby" back and forth for what felt like hours. You ever have that? When you just are sharing something so ridiculous and you both know its ridiculous and you just can't get over it. That feeling. We laughed and laughed and then I saw her get a little sad. This is already super long for a single post but in that moment, Sugah just shook her head, and she said she really tried with him. He's her son and she loves him so much, but he's not a good person. Then she went through specific moments where she might have "gone wrong". Like she was, what's called here, a "whipping mama" at first. If you're not southern, that's code for she was a spanker. She learned after her other children that "hurting them ain't healing them" and she never raised a hand to them again. But Miles still came out needing to be a big man. It's why his 1st wife left him. 2nd too. (Didn't know he had the 1st wife, myself, so that's new but explains a lot - I always thought the 2nd was his only). She was sad and I hate seeing people I love sad. You may have picked up on this but I am awkward as hell. Not great in emotional situations. And when I saw her wipe a tear my brain broke and did the fuck fix it fix it fix it fix it spiral (or what Dinah calls my "Jack O'Neil" - if you get the reference I LOVE you - mode) so I went with being "funny". I told her about talking to James and made fun of both our stories and how weird it was that folk so close to each other are still not close to each other sometimes because he didn't tell me he was gay and I didn't tell him I was bi. It all had to come out after the family drama. I swear I was funnier but Dinah is making me cut that part to be "Breif". We laughed and she said that she sees me like her own and loves me like a daughter. She wants me to be happy with my love the way she wished she could have been with hers. She doesn't regret her children but Mr. Richard (her late husband) was only nice as an older man. He was wretched to her when they were married young. She married him some out of a platonic type love and the rest out of pressure to be "normal." We hugged and I said something about my posts. I'm a moron. Sorry. And she got very confused. I said I only mention it to say that she has so many people now who see her as I do. A treasure. And I screenshotted yalls sweet comments about her and texted them to her. Today she's asked me to print them out for her. I'm waiting for the printer to be done now which is why I am typing on my phone. Candy texted a thank you saying that Sugah was low after kicking Miles out but she was happier when she got home from visiting me. Can't say why but that made me cry. Jury is out on if that's good or bad. Dinah and I both agree, and mom is on board, to pay for one of those online classes and ask Sugah if she will officiate us. I have no clue how I will ask her but I really want her to be a part of our wedding in a really special way. We're still spitballing about it and of course we have time, but I want it to be special. She is so much a part of me - of us - I need it to be highlighted. And the reasons I am posting today, I was told by Candy that Miles took his belongings early this morning. He refused to speak to anyone in the house and just silently took his stuff and hauled it into his truck bag by bag. The only thing he said was he's never coming back and now they've lost a son/brother. Candy said she said back that he's no brother of hers. So with Miles gone for good, I guess so is the end of this weird ass saga of mine lol. Dinah looked up subs and shit I can post on about other stuff but this...I don't know. It feels almost like a goodbye. Weird. I'm emotional about it. I am so glad Miles is gone, but damn. I'll miss you and our timely little tea parties. Take care of yourselves and be good to yourselves. Remember to eat well and hug your family (chosen or bio) close. A couple of items I want to spell out - call it housekeeping: All names were fake or nicknames so no I probably am not the person next door (that was an actual message I got a lot) Yes I call my stepfather daddy - it's not weird to love a paternal figure who loves you like his own, will be walking you down an aisle, has dried your tears, told you that boy, girl, or person, didn't appreciate you and took you out for treats just to see you smile. He is my hero and the weird messages and comments about him...just get therapy. Not here to kinkshame, believe me but christ on bikes batman! Sugah Mama's are a thing! Do you not have those? That's so sad! They are the best. Maybe you call them something different. For me and the culture I grew up in, they're usually women without children but all of them are maternal, loving, safe, trusted, and will hound you to get your shit straight (or gay lol sorry I couldn't help it, I am a child). Yes, we are looking for hot tubs and yes we are going to be sure that Sugah and Candy can come by to enjoy it too. Dinah speaks several languages and English is not her first language. I might be marrying a spy but you got to admit that's pretty hot. Even if I die. And yes people do WFH lol what odd conspiracy theories I've read that I am not real because I WFH! I own a business, and work full time, and I also program here and there by contract. Now you know. Lastly, I was an English major. If that doesn't tell you something, it should 😅. Thank you all. My heart is full. Edit: got a few asks for the recipe, you're so very welcome for the droves of humans who will bow at your feet for this- Okay, so here is what you will need: 2 cups long grain rice - not any other type just trust me here okay? Otherwise the type doesn't matter. - and if you can, make it parboiled rice. Then 3 tbsp vegetable oil, but I did use avocado oil before when I hadnt gotten groceries and I didn't notice a huge difference 1 chopped "red" onion, white works fine but red is better Minced garlic. Now that is something you measure with your HEART and nothing else. I tend to throw garlic in cloves at everything. Grated ginger - now just be careful with it. It's a powerful flavor like salt and you can't un-ginger but again MEASURE WITH THE HEART 1 red bell pepper that you will blend to baby food About 4 medium tomatoes also into baby food 2 tbsp tomato paste...which is already baby food. The rest is pretty normal: 1 tsp curry powder 1 tsp thyme 2 bay leaves - don't leave it in or it will taste bitter 1 tsp paprika 1 ghost pepper if you're feeling spicy 2 cups chicken or vegetable stock - Dinah comes from a vegan family so I've done the vegan version of jallof And seasonings to your or your guests tastes That's all for the rice alone which is very tasty but if you wanna really kick it into high gear, here is what you need for the fish: For the Grouper Fish: However many fresh or fresh as you can grouper fish fillets is best, but in a pinch find the best flakey white fish and pray lol 2 tbsp olive oil 1 tbsp lemon juice Mince garlic 1 tsp paprika 1 tsp cumin 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper (if you're feeling spicy) Fresh cilantro (for garnish) 2 tomatoes chopped into quarters 1 green bell pepper chopped into bits If you've got all that, here's how you make a woman want to marry you (or man, person, whoever). Make a fish marinade: use a bowl, toss in your olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, paprika, cumin, cayenne pepper, salt, and pepper. You rub that on the fish and let it sit for a half hour and OMG you're about to see heaven. Now make sure u heat oil in a large pot (youll need the real estate trust me) over "medium" heat. Add your onions, garlic, and ginger, and sauté Stir in the blended tomatoes, red bell pepper, and tomato paste. Cook for about 20ish minutes, stirring until its a thick as your live for yourself. Now add the curry powder, thyme, paprika, and bay leaves and stir that up like your gossip buddy does drama. Pour in the chicken/vegetable stock and bring the mixture to a simmer then rice next, making sure it's evenly distributed in the sauce. Cover the pot and dial down the heat to low. Let it cook for a half hour, but DO NOT WALK AWAY FROM IT stir it so the rice is fully cooked and fluffy. Yes the fluff matters! Here it gets a little intense - while the rice is cooking, you also need to heat your pan over "medium" heat (I use the qoutes because no stove is the same) and add a bit of olive oil. Sear them fillets for 5 minutes on each side until golden brown and cooked through. DO NOT RUSH THIS - in the last 2 minutes of cooking, toss in the chopped tomatoes and bell peppers around the fish. Sauté until soft. Put your cilantro on that and let your partner grovel at your greatness. They will propose so stand ready lol Relevant Comments OOP on things being resolved and her thoughts on her grandpa, Pop, being well liked in the community OOP: I would like to think I am. Pop was a favorite around here and folk still drop by to see him (usually people that moved away and are randomly in town) to see him. For a little bit, people would just walk right on in since Pop always left the door open and had an open door policy for them as kiss to keep them safe and off the streets. I can't be half the hero he is, but I keep the open door policy with a sign caviat. There is a light I turn on when anyone can just walk on it. But when it's off. Best knock. I've got a hottie who's dumb enough to marry me so some of my in-house activity is simply NSFW 🔞. OOP on if her father is in the picture OOP: My father and I don't talk. I honestly don't know where he is now and don't care. My daddy has been my dad for as long as I can really remember. He's always been a good friend of mom's for many years and when they told me they were dating, they were afraid I would be upset, but I was so happy. He legally adopted me when I was a child. He's my hero and my mother is so happy with him. Damn sorry that was a lot of words to say: it makes me happy too!   Latest Update here: BoRU #3   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/luvthyf_ingneighbor Originally posted to r/EntitledKarens My Neighbor Demands I Marry His Son Trigger Warnings: homophobia, cancer, destruction of property Original Post: August 22, 2024 This is a weird one, and I don't reddit normally, so sorry. My GF told me to post here, lol Okay, so I "Zennia" F35, inherited my Pop's (my grandfather) house. Well, technically, me and mom did. Mom is a college professor and remarried to a technical writer/engineer who makes a ridiculous amount of money and a big Ole mansion of a house (to me) in the well-off part of town. So she said Pops house is mine. I was grateful and am still. This was about a year ago. I need to sort of set the stage here. Pop was a popular man. He helped everyone. The kids all called him Uncle or Pops, and his peers called him the Sultan of 2nd Street (never knew why they went with Sultan, other than illeration, since he was black lol). He donated and loaned and gave money to whomever needed it. He was a Vietnam War vet, and despite the stigma of it at the time and that of being a black man, he made something of himself as boxer and boxing instructor. He opened his own place and eventually opened more. When mom was small, he bought that house, and when mom got pregnant with me and my father flaked out, Pops became that father figure. My childhood bedroom is in this house (it's now my study) and so everyone here knows us. Pop passed, and I got the house. All caught up? Okay, so there is a neighbor to my immediate right, who we call Sugah Mama or Sugah. Everyone knew that she had it bad for Pops but see after he left Mama (my grandmother) or more likely . She left him, he chose the bachelor/Playa life. Yeah, he got around. It's still debatable if the woman who owns the house is on the 3rd, if her son is my uncle. Anyway, Sugah has a son "Miles" (M50-something) who also has a son “James”. James is my age, and we get on well. We used to be joined at the hip in grade school, and even though we glowed into different cliques in middle and high school, we were friendly. Sugah and some of the other older folks would joke about us. Soulmates. We even share a birthday with a strange coincidence, I will admit, but then they keep adding AT THE SAME HOSPITAL! well, yeah, because back then, there was only one good one nearby. Lol Now, to be clear, I am bisexual with a strong preference if my dating history has any sway for nonbinary people or women. No shame in my game. I can talk about the absolute bullshit of homophobia in the black community, but you're not here for that. So I meet my now GF "Dinah" who is also my age and she is absolutely a dream. She's smart and hot and sweet and thoughtful and kind and a million other things. I have to stop there, or this post will be all about how out of my league she is. I started having her around the house, and Mr. Miles was around and offered his and James' help in getting stuff from the truck into the house. At one point, James pulled me aside as he knew she was my GF and said I shouldn't mention it to his dad, but it was too late. Mile had asked her if the two of us were college buddies, and she replied that we're dating. Mr. Miles pulls me aside after and asks if it's true, and I said yes. Enter the homophobia and what would Pop think? Lol, I told him, Pop knew I was bi for years. I came out to him in high school, and he was a-okay with it. That shut him up for a bit, and we got me moved in. Well, now about a week ago, Mr. Miles came by. I WFM, but the fiscal year is coming about, and it's a busy time, so I made Mr. Miles had some tea and sat with him but made him aware I was calling this my lunch hour and couldn't entertain long as I was still working. He said "well I will cut to the chase then," and said so matter of factly, "you need to leave that woman." I laughed as my GF and I have been together now for over a year and are happy, so... no. why the hell would he even come here with this? He said Sugah is sick (which I knew. She sadly got uterine and breast cancer in March) and she needs to see her boys married. He said he prefers I marry James, but IT WOULD BE OKAY with him if I marry his older brothers Daniel (36) or Paul (37). I told him yeah no. I won't be marrying any of his sons. I said I already have a ring for Dinah and am planning to propose to and marry her. I said I know he doesn't agree with gay marriage, and he frankly doesn't have to. It's my life, and while I love and respect him like a real uncle, he will not tell me who to love or marry. He yelled at me and said some awful things, and I wanted to say I was a badass and stared him down like Gayle King did to R Kelly in the meme but...I cried. A lot. I just asked him to please leave. He did but ripped my pride flag from my pole at the door, calling me slur. I got a new one the next day, and it went missing, so my GF bought me a door cam and a new flag. Sure enough, he came that night and ripped that one down, too. I texted him the video and said I would not press charges if he stopped all this. He said to go ahead, "call the police on another black man," and if he's killed, it's on me and my "sins." It's night here and I was cuddled up to my boo after a movie date night and were playing Mass Effect (video game) - ASIDE but can you beleive this woman has never HEARD of this game!? - and there is knock at my door. It's Paul. He asks to speak with me outside, so I tell Dinah to keep playing, and I will be back. I don't see Paul often, so I thought something happened - maybe Sugah got worse or something happened to his dad. Paul explained that he was here to ask me out. He had flowers and a stuffed unicorn (I like unicorns don't read into it lol), and I, of course, told him ummmmm, I am in a relationship." He said he knew I had a GF but that wasn't a real relationship as a relationship is between a man and a woman and he knows I date men as I've dated a male mutual friend in my 20s. I just said my relationship is both real and none of his business and to leave. He then said he guessed I liked feminine men since my GF is trans - which OK bud she's not, but even if she was, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS HOTTIE. So I just laughed it off snd said he was jealous he couldn't pull a hottie like mine and said I have cameras with audio so if he can please fuck all the way off and not force me and my GF to call the cops, it would be appreciated. I told Dinah, who howled in laughter and paused the game to watch the doorcam footage, laughed more, and then told me to post here. So here we are. Sorry? You're welcome? Idk. Relevant Comments OOP needs to take extra precautions for herself and her partner OOP: My mom agrees with you. She's pushing for us to stay with her for a spell. Dad said he bought extra cameras and lights on Amazon and can sinatll them tonight. They are acting like a cross is burning on the lawn and my GF doesn't think they are overreacting at all. This is the South in the USA and GF is a retired Marine so...she's got her 2nd amendment right and the papers for it so I feel okay as long as she is with me... That said if she were hurt I would hate myself for not listening so we're in her care right now going to my parents and daddy is on his way to my house to put in the cameras and lights. Sadly I am used to folk telling me they can "fix" me somehow or that sleeping with a man will "fix" me etc. Mr. Miles ain't the first bigot but he damn well is the most dedicated. Mom talked with Sugah and Sugah is horrified and said she will put up a rainbow flag at her house and see if "that boy got the balls to rip it down from my damn house" Gotta love her.   Update #1: August 27, 2024 Howdy. Y'all might not remember but I'm that bi chick madly I'm love with my smokin brilliant GF and living beside my homophobic neighbor. Heres the post I'm updating - https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledKarens/s/67P8SoK3Ao So a few days ago I shared about Mr. Miles losing his ever-loving mind about me having a GF and basically put his son up to come over, demean my relationship, and ask me out cuz that's suuuuuuuuuch a great plan /s For safety, given Mr. Miles losing all the sense the good lord gave him, GF and I stayed up at my folks and just got back yesterday evening. My dad double checked all the new lights and cameras and then walked over to "have a friendly chat" with Mr. Miles. Not sure what he said but it had to be good because Mr. Miles didn't even sit on his porch to smoke his nightly cigar. And if you knew that man the way I do you know that's not in character. I asked Daddy what he said to the poor man and he laughed and said "Oh, Baby, definitely nothing that would remind him of our good and mighty God or offering to send him to Him." Sooooooooo Sorry I digress. So I expected everything to be okay - because I'm stupid - and thus went back to life per usual. I ran my GF's bath, jumped her bones, and woke up to make her breakfast thinking my life is some kind of wonderful. Only to hear a knock at the door. Today is Monday. Everyone who works is off to work and everyone who doesn't knows I WFH on weekdays. Something didn't feel right so I woke my Love up and told her to get dressed just in case something was about to happen. I'm no warrior but I did have my bat and opened the door and made eye contact with a cop. We stare at each other. He looks down at my bat, then back to my face, then turns showing the cop behind him and looks at her. And I am here thinking well SHIT this is what I get for assuming this all would blow over. I will admit, I am not everyone's cup of tea so I use humor to compensate for being...well a weirdo lol don't know how else to put it. So I grin at the cops and ignore my heart racing and place the bat down and just say "Sorry I thought you were someone else. Coffee?" They...weren't amused and apparently didn't want coffee either. Who was I expecting and why a bat? I just said I wasn't sure, but we're two women alone in a house with someone at the door at the ass Crack of dawn so.... They asked for me by name and I confirmed I was who I was, even showed my ID. They asked me for my GF as they got a call. GF comes out and shows her ID. They ask to speak to us separately and I was getting upset. "Whats this about, sir?" The cop looked at me really annoyed, then looked at my GF and asked if she felt safe with me, to which she said she did. He said he needs to investigate a call. I ask what call. He says he's the one asking questions and all I could think was greeeeeat he's that type of cop. He tried to step inside but we were speaking through a screen door which I locked last night and it was then he actually asked if he could come in. I said no, sir. My GF said she will step out with him to answer any questions and she does and the female cop takes her a distance away and talk. The male cop opens the now unlocked door and peers in my house asking if he can have a look around. I ask again what all this is about. He asks me questions. All centering around why anyone might think I am holding my GF here against her will. I was like what do you mean against her will? He says her BF called and said I took her forcefully and kept her here overnight. To which I reply, what fucking BF? She's a lesbian and gay as the day is long. At this point GF and female cop come back and GF looks mad. She points at Sugah's house and asks if thats where the call came from and outline everything that's basically in my last post. GF then goes, "show them the videos", so I hand over my phone with the ring app pulled up with the footage of Mr. Miles yanking our pride flag down and using slurs. The cops were looking at one another and then back at Sugah/Mr. Miles' house. Mystery solved, I'm thinking. I'm not good in tense situations so I just Crack "Sure you don't want a coffee?" And GF whacked my arm. We did the whole song and dance, sending files, getting their cards, filing a complaint for the damage of my property on Mr. Miles' part, and then my GF said she wants to pressed harassment charges too. The male cop snorted "based on what?" And the female cop took over. She said without solid and consistent proof, they can't press charges of that nature. We ask about hate crimes and they said taking down a pride flag isn't a hate crime, it's destruction of property. Suddenly I can hear the guy cop saying "Sir, stay inside" and who else could it have been but dear old Mr. Miles - look at this old rooster up this early! Fuck. The old sour raisin is yelling for them to ask about me throwing around my GF last night. Cops aren't even listening to him, just telling him to go inside and he keeps repeating that i was brutilizing her last night (Which the creepy bits aside about him knowing anything about last night, I want to take as one HELLUVA compliment). The cops yell for him to go inside or he will be in cuffs. He does and the female cop turns to me and I just blurted "If 'throwing around' is what we're calling sex now..." And my GF gave me a look like shut 👏 the FUCK 👏 up so I did. (It did get a laugh from the lady cop though). They told us to stay inside and we did but you better believe we minded everything but our business at that point. We watched through my study window as they went and spoke to Mr. Miles. There was a back and forth and I heard the cop say "turn around" and Mr. Miles was saying like "why are you hassling me, man? I didn't do nothing." So the cop got louder and said "Either turn around and I take you in or you go back in the house, sir." Mr. Miles was saying this ain't right but he went inside. The cops stayed on the porch for a few minutes more. Then they departed. Happy Monday. Relevant Comments Commenter: Wow. If you can afford it, I suggest consulting an attorney. Give them all the info and evidence of things to date, so they’ll be ready to help if this escalates. for example if you end up needing a restraining order or want to pursue that harassment charge that the cops didn’t want to deal with.   Update #2: August 31, 2024 This is slowly just becoming my little hobby of sharing what Mr. Miles and his family have been doing. After the police incident it was pretty quiet this week. Dinah, my GF, and I also have just been living quietly in general hoping the storm passed over. I can be such a damn fool sometimes. I thought it was all going to be fine. We have cameras, lights, Dinah made a (rainbow - cuz of course) no trespassing sign. She got mini pride flags and staked them in the front garden. Did I mention she gardens? She's literally a dream girl. Mr. Miles sort of went back to normal. He smoked his nightly cigars, washed his car, all the usual shit. Enter the HOA. I live in a community that, how can I say this? It's not the hood, but it ain't fancy. Lots of the people here are people of color and generational owners meaning their grandparents or great grandparents bought the house way back in the day and the owners inherited it. Nobody minds their business, but we let each other be as far as how we use the lawns and shit like that. It's very much a "stay in yo lane" situation. Guy shows up at the door. I'm not home, but Dinah is so this is what she described happened but I admit I "Zennia'd" some details for that extra oomf - Dinah has coined that phrase as according to her I allegedly add a flair to retellings. She opens the door with the chain on and this pleasant looking man is smiling at her so she assumes he is a salesman. She just asks if our no soliciting sign is there and is about to close the door at that but he said he's not selling anything, he's an officer with the HOA. Dinah hears the word officer and is cussing in every tongue she knows internally and just asks what he wants. He hands her a notice. Apparently we are in some sort of violation. Dinah's no pushover so she's rather unimpressed at this point and he is trying to explain "we noticed some violations-" and she asks point blank if what he's about to say is in the papers he gave her. He says yes, and she looks it over again. Hmmm...our rainbow shit? A violation. Oh no it's 7. 7 violations all related to our rainbow shit. Now Dinah's got a main suspect in who is behind all this and she is laughing in this man's face. He says he really doesn't want to fine us since they prefer to laid back. But this is causing complaints. So I get home and she's out back painting...nothing off about that. She likes creative DIY stuff so I just let her know I'm home and there's a box. I assumed it was for her because she freaking LOVES Amazon. She comes in and shows me what she's working on. Rocks, signs, a set of garden pots you name it, she has rainbowed it and I just sigh and go "What did that man do now?" And she tells me about HOA. I was like "we have an HOA?" And she hands me the papers. I called the number and the voicemail prompt checks out that it is an HOA. I've been the owner of the house for over a year. So its news to me. But I'm also first-time homeowner and I've been wrong before. I had and have a million questions. Like dont we get billed for it or something if we're part of HOA housing?? Then I noted that all the issues they are threatening to fine are accompanied by grainy photos of said items and they are all our rainbow stuff. I realize that Dinah is two steps off scorched earth (it takes a lot to get her there but baby look OUT when she arrives at that destination) the sign being that she is about to rainbow the whole damn house. I asked her her intentions and she just shrugs and says "Oh I thought they didn't get the asthetic so I'm helping complete your vision" (HOW IS THIS MY FAULT NOW!???? lol) and I'm like oooooh sweet baby Jesus, I don't have the financials to say fuck you if they fine me to oblivion. We had something of a tiff about it (a tiff is a small little argument, but "argument" makes it sounds far more dire than it is) as she was camped in "F them especially" territory and I'm thinking of the possible consequences. I finally calm her down and she's starting to see my side of it. Guys, I fought the good fight, I really did, she was coming around, I was so close. So close to squashing this issue, calling it a night, play video games with my boo and go back to normal. BUT FUCKING NO because the goddamn box. The box wasn't addressed. It was just a box with a note that said it's a gift. They were flags. Not pride flags but like various sizes of the American flag. Dinah saw this and FLIPPED the fuck out. She's walking around the house cussing in more than one language. And I'm there in F my life mode knowing damn well we're a step closer to scorched earth. That was last night. She was still creating her DIY rainbow stuff when I went to bed. I'm not even going to try and sound like I want to attempt to think it's anyone else up to this bullsshittery for obvious reasons - gestures broadly - but also because Mr. Miles smoked his nightly cigar and I don't know what he said to Dinah, who happened to be out there (yeah right, Baby, since when do you even like sitting outside at night...ALONE) and she is swearing up and down he all but admitted it BUT EVEN IF HE HADN'T she checked our camera and Mr. Miles's son seems to be taking photos of our home from the sidewalk. So now we know at least Paul has something to do with this too. Dinah's not back from work yet, and I WFH so I'm basically just waiting for the other show to drop because now my GF has gone full gollum and God help anyone who tries to stop whatever it is she is thinking about doing. It's like trying to stick your foot out to stop a bullet train. Not gonna happen and damn painful. I'll update when the other shoe drops. PS: Our complaint to the police after my last update is still being "investigated" and not to be any sort of way but I don't expect much from it. Fingers crossed though. Pray for me y'all. PPS: Also sorry for all the cussing. This has put us both in a STATE and I have a pretty foul mouth. Edit: Just called my mom because she generally knows all lol she said that while she isn't 100% about the now as it's hard to recall so randomly while she's working, she knows for a fact there wasn't one when Pop owned the house. I'm going through the paperwork now because I can't let his go. Relevant Comments OOP should had the documents regarding this suspecting HOA OOP: I don't remember any mention of it, but also at the time I was not in the best state mentally for various reasons, including the death of my grandfather - which is why I inherited the house. I do remember a LOT of paperwork, that said. I will ask my mom if she recalls anything as she was there helping me. + I'll have to go through them. The phone number checked out because the voicemail prompt sounded legit, but the email is a generic one (think like yahoo or something). I can't even wrap my brain around how he would even be able to fake this, but after all the shit happening thus far, I am not far off believing it possible.   Update #3: September 1, 2024 This shit is going to make me into some gossip columnist or something because what I am about to share is fucking WILD. HOUSECLEANING FIRST since my last post had so much going on. The police, after many calls from my GF Dinah, have basically said that our case doesn't constitute harassment and there is no evidence of anything more (ummm video??) but only destruction of property. They said its largely a civil matter and thus should be handled I'm civil court rather than criminal. Best beleive Dinah is not about to let this go. As for the HOA. We. Dont. Have. One. And by "we," I mean my street. Miles lives on the corner house, so he's on a technically different street. We checked and double-checked, and Dinah helped me sort through some paperwork for good measure. Nope. My street never had one and never signed on for one. Dinah was DELIGHTED by this. I mean, that hot hellion put all her rainbow projects out and then started talking about rainbowing the HOUSE. Like, the whole damn house. She wants to make it a project and for all to call our queer pals together and rainbow paint the exterior, including the garage doors and driveway lol. I...said we should start small, and we agreed that she can paint our front and back porches first and she found cute lights to shine on the house that can project rainbows so we have to check with our other neighbors but I said if they are fine with it, fine, hun. And now ladies, gentlemen, nonbinary monarchs and all, I present to you, the fuckery. Mr. Miles saw me washing my Love's car for her. It was just a thing I wanted to do for her. Not a normal thing I do at all. But she's been stressed, so I was going for the "hot girl washing cars" thing in part to be cute and silly and was in swimwear. She was calling to me from the upstairs window, whistling and stuff. I laughed. My other neighbors laughed. Mr. Miles came out with a mug of whatever the fuck evil drinks (blood of the innocent? Puppy broth? Who knows. Maybe just shitty coffee) and was glaring at us, scoffing when she would come out on our porch with her tea to "enjoy the show" - let me be clear, we were not being lewd or anything. She was saying shit like "What are your rates? My car has never been so beautiful. I'll pay you double" it's cheesy shit couples around here say all the time. Maybe the worst thing she said that maybe was less for public consumption was admittably my favorite thing: "Hey good looking, what am I cookin? I WILL MAME IT HOT for you" implying she will make dinner. I don't know if I ever mentioned it, but Dinah is the BEST cook but generally doesn't take that on regularly, so her offering was heaven for me. Mr. Miles would ahem loudly, shake his head, do that indignant laugh older folks do, everything so we knew he disapproved and was in the audience. So we ignored him. And I definitely didn't defiantly stay out longer, flirting with my woman to piss him off...solely. Anyway, Mr. Miles was too much of a coward, so sent Paul again. I was done with the car and Dinah made me a cool cocktail (where we live outdoor shit in the summer is done nice and early before the sun gets too high, so it was hotter than Satan's ass out) and we sat near the fan enjoying just chatting. Mr. Miles had long gone inside anyway, and this is our home. Fuck him. We're going to enjoy it. Paul waved as he walked towards us and Dinah said her favorite curses under her breath. He made some small talk with us but Dinah was frosty with him, so I did most of the answers but even I was short. But this is the South, so politeness is a bitch. Hard to explain. He said he was concerned about our cameras because it looks like they cover the yards of others and there are kids here and "you know what that can look like". I will blame the cocktail but I was feeling like fucking with him, so I acting dumb. "What will it look like?" And he was all "you know what I mean" and I was like "nah what do you mean, Mr. Paul?" And that went on for a bit and he just stared at me and did a condescending chuckle and shook his head "well we'll see about what everyone thinks- just trying to be helpful given.." And he gestures at nothing in particular. I smile as sweet as pie and thank him for coming by but the cameras don't seem to bother anyone but I wil ask around. He told me to do that and walked off. We had been putting it off but this spurred Dinah to look into Mr. HOA. He's legit. An officer of the HOA on the street the other end of Mr. Miles's/Sugah's house. But Sugah has been in the hospital for surgery and won't be back for at least a few days. She has a daughter I keep tabs with who has been in town to help care for her. When I talked to my own mother, she sounded annoyed about the situation as a whole and ask if I would mind if she herself had a discussion with Miles. She grew up with him so I said that was up to her. She said "Great!" In that way that I knew she would be calling him. This morning, Daniel, the other son, caught me as I brought out the trashcans. I was surprised because he doesn't live there, so I don't often see him. Small talk blah blah blah, and then he gets close and says that he's sorry about the whole thing with his dad, but I should be warned that he got into quite mood after talking with my parents (I assume mom) and to tread lightly. I thanked him and went back in to tell Dinah. Dinah was in the nook (like a half room bay window situation where Pop used to smoke) and she had gift stuff out like gift bags and ribbon. I was trying to figure if I had forgotten a birthday or something and she just giggled and told me to come here. Rainbow flags. A lot of mini ones. Stuffed in a bright gift bag. I just looked at her like "Baby nooooooo" and she just shrugged saying she was the newbie here and wanted to be a good neihbor. To her credit there are more than one gift bags and she is dropping them off as I write to every house on the street but I know my GF. This is an F you too to Miles. She said to ask my internet friends (you and a Facebook group I've been sharing this with) for ideas of how to "spruce up the place" now that we know there are no HOA restrictions while she's out. So this is an update and also a plea, for the love of God please don't give her too many crazy ideas. Give us some fun ones - I am all for painting rocks and patios and shit, but I still gotta live here ya know? Anways, have a good long weekend if you're in the states. I still have a BBQ to plan. Edit: I just spoke to my mother video chat. Mom and Dinah have now sync'd energies. Help. Me. Mom said she talked to Daddy and they are wanting to pay for at least 2,000 USD to "spruce up the place" - Dinah is over the moon, has taken the device and is still talking with Mom now. God help us all lol   Update #4: September 7, 2024 Well the Mr. Miles saga continues so to pick up from my last post, the BBQ happened. It was fun. Had my parents and chosen family over (open invite to my community so some neighbors too) and Dinah's twin even came and by twin I mean they're not actually twins (image THAT much hotness doubled. Lawd.) But siblings born on the same day a few years apart. For this I will call him David (M30s...? Idk I never remember). David is also as gay as the day is long and has heard of all the shit Mr. Miles has been putting on. Actually ever single person at the BBQ knew. It was a topic I couldn't escape. Dinah was serving vodka mixed drinks and you can image what 3 queerdos can come up with after a few dranks. David loudly announced "PAINTING PARTYYYYYY" as Dinah went and found every bit of paint we own. Before I could even work through my vodka-indused brain fog, people were painting...EVERYTHING. the porch, my chairs, damn near every rock around my trees and all the raised garden beds. Now my backyard looks like a gay unicorn had projectile diaherea and shat rainbows. I like it. We played Lily Allen "Fuck You" and other gay ass songs, sang along, there are rainbow flags inside and outside my home at every window, in the garden, between my pumpkins (THEY PAINTED HALF MY PUMPKINS) - this is not a euphemism, both cars have those mini flags that stay when you close the window. It was insanity. Aaaaand the police arrived. They got a call about a disturbance from a neighbor and we all knew damn well which (my whole street of neighborswere literally right there except him). A quick aside here but it's not illegal to play loud music during thr day here. Just after like 8 or 9 or something. So no laws were being broken. The cops even admitted that. But they suggested we "just keep it down" - we thanked them, and didn't. It was a fun evening. My mom waited until everyone else left and she and Daddy were drinking my best wine, just LOVING this chaos, singing Dinah's praises, gushing over how she's designed the interior of this old house (she did really well I have to admit). It's updated in here and just brighter and fresher. There was a knock on the door and Mom got it. Mr. Miles stepped in with Paul and Daniel in tow. My southern-politeness brain shit the bed, so I audibly groaned at the sight of him. Dinah came back from the kitchen, saw him, crossed through the whole ass room and planted a kiss right on my lips as she handed me a fresh drink and sat right on my lap like a housewife. Mr. Miles asked for a drink. Dinah told him everything is out and in the kitchen basically to say "fuck you get your own" in Nice. His sons went to make him a drink and I politely asked what he needed. He said he wanted to have a take with me, alone. Mom said "And what do you need with my daughter, Miles?" And he said that that was between him and me. I said I was drunk and tired so it will have to wait until morning. He had his drink, made some passive aggressive comments, wished us a good evening, and said he will come by later. Mom walked him out. He did. The very next day. And sure enough I was alone. Sugah isn't doing well. She's not responding to treatment. They're planning for the worst. I was devestated to hear this. She's like our neighborhood mom. I've known her all my life - she's practically family. So I started to cry. He was being so nice to me, handing me a napkin, speaking to me softly, rubbing my back and telling me to let it all out. So I did. And then right when I was able to catch my breath and calm down he said he wanted to tell me in person. I told him that was appreciated and I was so sorry for his family. He said "I know. Thanks. Thats another reason I wanted us to chat like adults. I know that woman you live with doesn't like me much." And I laughed without meaning to. Not like him? She would piss on his grave and stomp the dirt down to the tune of "hit the road jack" should the chance arrive. And if she weren't fit for prison, she'd give herself that chance with her own bare hands. Mr. Miles is still being nice and says that he knows I am the reasonable one. And that we had our fun but this tantrum of ours needs to end. Sugah will be coming home to live out her time and he doesn't want her to see our "mess" of a yard. He said it would upset her and he knows I don't want to ever upset her. I will be honest, I was so in my feelings over the news that he almost sounded reasonable to me. Then he offered to have Paul come over snd "help me" make my home presentable again and my brain kicked back in. I stared at this man, who just used the worst possible news a child could share about a parent as a tactic, and the spirit of Dinah came upon me. I very coldly told him to leave, as I have decorating to do. I think he thought I meant to tear everything down, because he left without a fuss. I told Dinah the moment she got home. At this point, her patience was up. She stormed out of the house and for a moment I was like "oh God honey don't do it, I don't even know where the jail is." And she came back in with bags. She had been shopping apparently and THIS PART IS ENTIRELY YALLS FAULT. She found SO MANY items. INCLUDING colorful windchimes. She just held up a few things and asked me to help her unload the rest and I was like "REST!?" So we spent the whole night decorating the front porch. I will fucking marry this crazy ass woman lol This past Wednesday, Sugah got home. I rushed out to hug her and she hugged me back. It was one of those "mama" hugs that make you want to laugh and cry and let everything out. She held my hand tight and looked at our porch. Then she laughed and said "Damn girl, you really leaned in huh?" Then said something was missing. I asked her what and she said my flag. The big one I had in the front. I told her what Miles did to it and a storm went over her whole face. She got quiet and asked me to explain I said she should rest and it's a long story. She turned to tell her daughter (who drove her) to make some lemonade and that she was going to sit with me on my porch a while. So I told her everything basically in all my posts including Miles' recent visit. She kept her expression steely the whole time. She asked a lot of questions. Then asked me if she ever told me about her first love. I thought she meant Mr. Richard, Miles' late father, and she laughed. She told me a story about how when she was young, before Richard ever asked her out, there was a woman her age who always dressed in suits, which for the time was not considered okay or normal. People hated her but Sugah fell for her almost instantly. She said Dinah reminds her of her and that I seem really happy now that Dinah has moved in. Then she looked at me so serious and said "So are you?" And I went inside to show her the ring I had long bought and that I am going to marry that woman if she'll have me. She smiled and patted my cheek, kissed my hand and went home. Yesterday my Daddy called and said "Heya what's this about a wedding?" And I was like what? And he said that he's not supposed to be telling me this so don't tell Mom but she and Sugah had a long phone call and Sugah wanted to pay for my wedding. Not some of it. The whole damn thing. This is already long sorry, I swear I am skipping a lot here but I was obviously floored. There's paperwork involved and mom is working with Sugah on it and Daddy said "Well, I guess you gotta ask that woman to marry you." And I said I intended to. So I am writing this antsy as fuck, ring in pocket, dressed up, waiting for Dinah to come home from the salon so we can have date night. Mr. Miles is about to have a complete caniption. Wish me luck. Edit/update: Hey guys- so I'm sad to say she said no. It was a lot to- I'm fucking with you. She said yes! Y'all I am going to marry the most amazing, smart, strong, hilarious, crazy, loving, beautiful woman in this GODDAMN world and I cannot fucking stand to keep it to myself!!! We had such an incredible time. She came home and was already dressed, so we went out. It was my turn to plan date night, so I was at an advantage. I took her to a place that was like the restaurant pur first date was in (sadly, the original is no more) and we shared stories about that date (I was nervous and word vomited like an overfed baby - she found me charming), we then retraced a walk we had when I first told her I loved her. She had claimed up at it and skirted saying it back, but now she tells me every fucking day multiple times a day even when she's pissed at me. We then ended at our city aquarium - hey quick trivia, I was once a "professional mermiad" there. You read that right. Chloe eat your heart out) - where she "stalked me" just to ask if we are real (not just a fun summer fling) and to go steady. I took her to our favorite bar for karaoke, got down on my knee, and she stared at me and just went "shut the FUCK up are you proposing to me?" And before I even knew it, she pulled out a ring and we just laughed and kissed. We wanted to update you the good news. I'm up to sing "At Last" for karaoke so gotta be on my toes to serenade my fiance. Fuck me you guys I just said fiance. I have a fucking fiance. Me! With her! I'm so fucking dumb happy right now. Sorry. Rambling. Love you all so much. I love everything right now.   EDITOR'S NOTE: It has been brought to my attention regarding this BoRU not formatting correctly with the missing letters at each paragraph. I have cleared the possible issue with the moderators of the sub. Many of you might be dealing with glitches. I posted this from desktop and wasn't missing anything. My apologies to all. Thank you.   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwawaythehatersok Originally posted to r/AITAH Fiance thinks I am an ass for not converting Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder & u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: religion abuse, verbal abuse, threatening behavior, harassment Original Post: August 21, 2024 Throwaway as my main he follows. I've never posted on this sub before so please delete if not allowed. I (F35) and my Fiance "Todd" (M41) met over a decade ago and we have a mutual friend group. We started dating last year, and got engaged last month. Generally speaking, he treats me like a queen. He spoils me a lot and I appreciate it always. He's usually respectful and kind, communicative and patient with me. This started to change and I want to say it started to change once the ring was accepted. I need to be clear, I don't much care to get married. I am perfectly fine with not. My parents aren't married but they have been in love and together for over 40 years. My siblings are all but one unmarried but in seemingly happy relationships each at least for 5 years. But Todd is Christian and is of the mind that two people eventually need to get married to be happy. We talked about it at length both before we were a couple and after we started dating. I was clear that I don't want or need a ring but if it's important to a partner I come to love then whatever. I will do a small wedding. He was overjoyed when he proposed and I said yes in front of pretty much everyone in our little world but later said that I didn't seem excited enough and it felt like I didn't want to marry him. I said I love him and if he wants a marriage then sure, but to say I want to marry? I mean I know he wants to, and if that's what he wants, and since it doesn't matter to me either way, the math was easy. Let's get married. I said it sort of jokingly to lighten the mood but he didn't like that at all and nearly every other day he would find a way to ask me if I really wanted to marry him or he would simply that he feels like I don't. I suggested couples therapy as it seems to really be on his mind and troubling him, and he said he's done therapy before and doesn't need to do it again. Then last week, on our usual date night, he said he had something really big to ask me. "Call it a favor if that makes it better" and asked me to come to his church and get baptized. I stared at him. I am atheist and have been since I was midtwenties. He has known that for years, and we've always been respectful of each others beliefs. I told him I couldn't do that. Baptism is supposed to be sacred and with a true heart for that faith, and I simply would be a liar if I said I wanted to live for his god because I frankly don't. He argued that it's just "a splash of water and some words," and since he wants it before our wedding and I "don't care about religion either way," this should be easy. I refused again explaining that I do care about religion. My majors were World Religions and Anthropology. I care a LOT. And it would be dishonest to his god and our community for me to dedicate my life to his religion outwardly but not inwardly. I said it felt disrespectful to his faith and the people who truly live it. He got angry with me "oh so you're okay, disrespecting me, though," and when I asked what he meant, he said to drop it and changed the subject. I pressed more, but he raised his voice. "I said drop it." Loud enough for others to turn and look at us. He'd been robotic around me since. Days up in his study all night, sleeps on his study couch, goes to every service and event/gathering his church has (which is most weekday nights and Saturday morning as well as sunday) and has been inviting me to every single one. He hadn't done that since we started dating he did it then I said I respect his beliefs and will go to something like a wedding or christening or baptism but not a simple service or event. When he asked me just a few minutes ago tonight, I reminded him of the above and he just dropped into our couch and sobbed and when I went over to comfort and talk to him, he pushed me away and left muttering something about running late for service. His sister "Esther" texted me to ask what happened and I gave a brief summary and she texted back that I am being a jerk and one service isn't going to make me "burst into flames" and it's important to Todd. So am I being a bone head? Am I crazy to think that this pressure is a deal breaker? I do love him, but this version of him is not only a stranger to me but a weight on me. But aren't people supposed to work through that hard shit to get on in a relationship? Edit to update. He texted me a few minute ago saying when he gets home he wants to have a serious talk. I explained that my best friend is over so it will have to wait and he replied "No. Tell her to leave. Give her my love but this is serious." I talked with my bestie "Bessie" F35 and read some of the comments here and told him no indeed. He can go home to his parents, and he is welcome to come in and pack a bag and leave because Bess is here for me right now, and I need her here for me right now. He hasn't responded. Edit to respond to things that have come up a lot either in messages or comments: He has never raised a hand to me. He would never and if it's not for the reason I used to think - that he's not a dick - it would at least be because I am a military brat. Both parents. So not only am I trained to defend myself well, but my parents AHEM would not take kindly. A lot of people brought up kids. I can't get pregnant. I did want kids and then this happened. So now I am okay with the idea of not having any. He said he was okay with that too and we talked about just being dog rescue people. My family likes him. My father, a pastor, loves the guy. But no I haven't told him about this yet. He is non-denominational and goes to a "mega church" in our state. Literally thousands of people. No, it is not a requirement for marriage at his church for me to convert. AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Relevant Comments OOP lists all the "stuff" she has done for him to a downvoted commenter Here Just to be clear, what doesn't count as stuff for him? Is it that instead of paying a fraction of his college costs for this upcoming semester, I covered it all for him? Is it that I gave him my old car when his broke down and transferred it to his name without him paying a dime? Oh hold on, I know, it's because I cook for him every weekday when I am home, do our grocery shopping so he doesn't have that on his plate, let him move in rent-free because he couldn't afford to renew his lease and even got a he-shed out back for him out of my own dime so he has a place to decompress and paint. No not that... I should have funded his WHOLE mission trip last year instead of half...is that it? Ohhhhh I know what you're talking about, it's that I do the majority of the housework so he can focus on his degree. Nah you probably just mean that I took the time last year to find his undergrad college years buddies and flew his mother in for his 40th birthday, had it catered, decorated, and hired a bartender. Or is it more basic like the fact that when he went vegan, I switch up my whole lifestyle and only eat vegan when out and about and purged all non-vegan items not for the dog from the home. Thank you because actually I am now seeing I do so damn much for this man and he should treat me like a queen becauae I treated him like a king. This was eye opening. 295Phoenix: NTA Time to break up. But, dang, I love how so many Christians take their religion less seriously than we do. An insincere baptism is indeed disrespectful yet so many Christians want nonbelievers to do it! OOP: This is what confuses me most. If it's such an important part of his life, how is he okay with me lying and insincerity "devoting" my life to Christ? I am not against people who have faith. But those that I know who do - truly do beyond platitudes and the mainstream, are kind and loving and would be offended so much if someone faked it and lied about it and gone through sacred rites and the like. It doesn't make sense why he keeps switching sides on it. Utter_cockwomble: No it's a ploy. "Oh just get baptized, it's not serious, just some water and some words!" "Oh please come to the service, the pastor really wants to meet you!" "I told the Youth Leader that you'd help, I'm sure you don't mind? It's for the kids, it's not really religious, just a prayer at the beginning and end!" "But sweetheart we HAVE to raise our kids in the church, what will everyone think?" They've got a script- no seriously- on how to trickle-truth convert someone. He's getting IMMENSE pressure from the church to bring you into the fold, to save you, to prevent you from being 'unequally yoked', to hunt and win a soul for Jesus. OOP: That is...terrifying. I was clear when I left the church eons ago that I am not and will not follow that faith. He never hinted once that I can think of to do what you're saying but it really makes me think this might be exactly what he's doing. I can't get pregnant so kids are out of the equation but I couldn't bear it if he tried to push me more into his church life. I'm involved a bit to make him happy. I do help at certain events and such. I have skills they sometimes need, and not at all opposed to a food or clothing or back to school drive and the like. I figured it less about it being a church event and more a community event where we helped people.   Update: August 28, 2024 Last week I posted about a problem between myself (F35) and my Fiance "Todd" (M41) because despite having been respectful of each others beliefs until now, he is Christian and I am an athiest, he now wants me to get baptized. It came to a head and he stormed out so I called my BFF to keep me company since I was pretty sad and emotional. I do a lot for him and Bess, the bestie, and a lot of you here helped me see that the relationship as is either needs to have serious changes to it or it needs to end. Logical. But logic is hard to cling to when you're heartbroken. I think I already knew he wouldn't change anything for me. I did text him that night that he needs to go back to his parents house - the house we live in is mine - and that I needed space. Guess he and his sister gave his parents an alternate version of events because they came by that night anyway. All of of them. His mom, dad, sister Esther, and him. He had a key so he just walked in as Bess and I are drinking on the couch watching Netflix. I asked what he was doing here, and his family came into the room behind him. I asked what's going on. The way he looked at me is unexplainable, but his mom pushed by him and just yanked me into a very aggressive hug. She said that they were here to talk as a family and have a family meeting. And then told Bess she needed to leave. Bess refused. His mom turns to me to ask me to have Bess leave. I refuse. Its late, and I'm in not state to talk anything else. Please leave. It devolves into passive aggressive disapproval that I won't take guidance from the man I plan to marry. His parents (his father is a pastor) sat down to give me what felt like a whole pre-planned speil about how I am an adult and need to act like one and kicking a man out of his home for "doing the right thing" is a tantrum. His dad once even said that he is so disappointed in me and will be telling my father (also a pastor) about this. Gotta be honest I was dumbfounded for 85 percent of this and then finally (I guess it was the booze) started to laugh and told them to get out. His dad refused and called me volatile and suggested I get counseling. I told him this is my house, and I will call the police and to get the FUCK out. It was the first time I cussed in front of them. Pearls were clutched, I was called trashy and Bess held her phone like "okay, I am calling the cops, she asked you to leave." I heard his dad say "You're not marrying that" as they left and they muttered other hurtful things making a whole thing of them being sad and disappointed by me. They left. Todd packed a bag and left with them. He continued to text me invites to services. "It will help you." Stating that he is concerned about me and the path I am choosing. That his parents aren't sure he should marry me but he loves me and wants what's best for me. I told him I need space and to leave me alone but he kept texting. I said that the wedding is off and Sunday when I got home from running errands he was on the porch crying. He had a hand written letter that he wanted to read to me but I said absolutely not and told him to go away. He kept asking me to think about what I am doing and how my choices effect more than just myself and more. I pointed to my doorbell cam and said I have footage of me repeatedly asking him to leave and Bess was recording the night his parents and sister and he ganged up on me. Go. Away. He threw his hand up like he was going ro strike me and I just screamed. I didn't even mean to, it was so sudden and it scared me. He went to start apologizing but a neighbor came out to see what was happening and he just left. I texted him to never come back ever - he is no longer welcome. I will mail his stuff to his parents but he is no longer welcome on my property ever again. He tried to apologize but I no longer care to hear any of his words. He did leave his written letter and I have read it. So has Bess. She keeps telling me it's just manipulation but it just breaks me. The locks get changed tomorrow. Bess is helping me pack his shit. His father is picking up his stuff tonight. And I am just sitting here replaying the past week and a half in my head over and over. I know its pathedic but I am shattered. I haven't been able to really sleep yet, and I feel like I don't even reside in my own body anymore. Just going through the motions. Bess is staying with me. I've been getting texts and social media comments about how disgusting I am - like my notfications just went insane over the weekend. This is just a nightmare and I'm not even sure how to wade through this. Relevant Comments Wasatchbl: It is so hard to believe that he kept hidden that he wanted to convert you before marriage. That is the only explanation for this behavior so far into our relationship and close to marriage. It seems like he was keeping counsel with his parents while telling you what you wanted to hear. OOP: It's hard for me to fathom this. I thought we loved each other. I would do most anything for him, and I thought he felt the same way. But the way his family came down on me, it was surreal. If Bess weren't there, I really can't say what they might have convinced me off. It was a lot. They were all basically echoing the same sentiments and making it out that I was deranged and stupid and more. I didn't let them see my tears, but it was a devastating tirade of attacks, and I was so tired and so in my feelings that it was all too much. Bess thinks it was a coordinated effort to overwhelm me into complying, and if I was alone, they would have pushed me over the edge into believing them. Obvious_Amphibian270: OP, don't meet with the father when he comes to get stuff. Pile that shit in the yard and let daddy haul it away. As for people blowing up your phone, block every last one of them. OOP: Bess is here with me and she will meet him at the door. All Todd's shit is boxed up out front. So if all goes to plan, I won't even have to see the guy. If not, the people who live in proximity are keeping an eye out. Sparklelilglitter: Why don't you post the footage on social media? From the parents bombarding you to him coming back and trying to strike you. Show them the truth. You have the footage. OOP: Bess shares your enthusiasm for this option. I am too.tired/stressed/hurt to even deal with that. I want to speak with my parents first, make a plan, really be able to make the steps forward that I need. I am so empty but angry, but sad, but a thousand other things. I'm just not in a state I trust my own judgement right now. Posting it is something that can't be taken back. So if I do, I want to be sure and above reproach.   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwalady_ I [22 F] think I need to break up with my boyfriend [23 M] . . . of 8 years. Original Post Nov 20, 2017 Throwaway because I want to keep this separate from my main account. Wow. Okay, where to begin. We've been dating for 8 years. We met in high school, and have been together ever since. We've grown and changed with each other - miraculously - and our relationship has been amazing. We were always communicative to each other, always doted on one another, have inside-jokes that are years long, and have become so comfortable with who we are as a couple. Our relationship by all means is a wonderful one. But, I guess I wouldn't be posting here if it was so wonderful, would I. As we've entered into adulthood, I started asking the bigger questions that I realized I wasn't really getting answers on. He's been against having kids, but I want kids. My biggest advice I received was to wait for his 'real' answer when we were older because I asked these questions after dating for 4 years. I asked him what he wanted to do with his future, where he saw himself career wise and what he was feeling about who he was as a person. If he was changing and growing. To be honest, whenever we speak about these things I always feel like. . .it gets really quiet, he becomes shorter with his words. A lot of "I don't know"s. After asking questions many times, I get some answers once he's thought about it. But this scenario has always been regular for us -- I'm asking bigger questions, trying to get feedback, and he gives little answers and asks to think about them. But we have always moved along. Next day, next season. We're really happy with each other. We cuddle and watch Netflix TV shows, go to the ice rink, having romantic dinners and tell each other how much we adore one another. But those questions start to bother me. Why doesn't he want to answer them? Why doesn't he ask those about me? Is it necessarily bad that he doesn't want to ask? I mean, we're only in our 20s. But. . .We've been dating for 8 years. The toss and turn was agonizing. I felt like I was waiting for an answer for a question I asked years ago, regardless of the timeline. I felt more and more pressure to have them answered. . .because we've been talking about marriage. When I would forget that those questions were so important to me, everything was hunky dory. We'd talk about where we would live, the animals we would have - and name them, the kinds of tv shows we'd watch on a weekly basis. I pushed the issues I had been feeling in my core back inside, because I figured 'If I'm a patient girlfriend, a loving one, a supportive one, our relationship will get better. How long we've stayed together is testament to our ability to grow together. We've done it this long, why wouldn't it continue happening?' But it hasn't. It really hasn't guys. This last weekend something snapped. We were looking for places to live. We had three appointments. I was looking around the apartment, looking at the kitchen, looking at our bedroom. When we kissed each other goodbye after a post-appointment cuddle/nap, and I went back home. . .I burst out crying in the car. I was sobbing. When I got home I called my mom, she came over, I was broken. Something died. Something straight up died. I don't know what's going on. I think I need to break up with him. I don't think this is the kind of change that I can ask of him. I don't think asking him to change is fair. It's not that I haven't been patient, I have. He HAS been giving me his answer to all my questions, I just haven't been happy with what they are. The silence, the skirting around the topic, the "I don't know"s. I thought we could grow through any scenario, but moving in together put it all into perspective for me. I'm not ready to move in with this guy. Earlier in the year, he told me he was alright with kids, with having them, too. After that conversation, such a huge flood of relief hit me that I think spurred this season of ignorance. He answered my biggest, big question, so I was happy. But the reality is setting in. Does he actually mean that? Did he say that to appease my asking? He has told me that I'm the best thing to happen to him, that he loves me and that I inspire him to be a better person, and that he's happy he's with me because he wouldn't know how to date anyone else at this point since we've been together for so long. I wish he had the motivation and drive and a goal for himself. I wish he thought about his future. I wish he was more excited about life, more positive about life. I wish he wasn't so angry at people and himself. I wish he approached his problems readily and openly. I wish he was more emotionally available. I wish I knew how to do this without destroying him, because I think it will. His family would all turn on him, I know it. We've been talking about marriage. We're looking at places to live together. And I just imploded. I imploded. My gut is telling me to do this, and it's never been wrong. But how? How on earth do I do this? tl;dr: My 8 year relationship fell apart in my heart over the weekend, and now I struggle with how to break up with my boyfriend when we've been talking about marriage and moving in together. EDIT: Thank you everyone, so much, for your comments. All of them, I've read every one. I think after the initial hysteria and realization of what I was feeling, and putting it into written word, that I've come to realize what I'm truly feeling. I'll post an update after this weekend when I talk with him, I'll tell you how it goes. RELEVANT COMMENTS acuteamericium Hi, what you wrote really impacted me and I would like to thank you for sharing that. I too have been feeling the same way as you in my own relationship, but I haven't been able to process the words. I don't really have advice, I haven't dealt with my situation but what I will say is this; It is possible to grow from here. You are young, your future is bright and you know what you want in life. You are too young to settle on the things that you will grow into. If you do breakup, it won't be easy, but you sure as hell will make it through. There has been a quote that I has been ringing through my head the past couple days: Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain. I hope that you find what is best for you OOP I couldn't even read that entire quote, I started tearing up. There are two sides to me, the side that is firm in her decision, understands she made it long ago, and was waiting for the other half of me to wake up. Then the other side, is the side that loves him, loves what we are, loves who he is and is blissfully ignorant. Thank you for your encouragement. There is growth that can come from this. I don't want to settle, I don't want to be unhappy. I just thought it was him, for the longest time. And now it's not. I'll be okay, but holy shit this is going to hurt. And I'm the one who's doing it. To him, his family, our friends. 8 years builds a huge network, and I'll be shutting part of it down. I'll recover, I know people will be okay and I'll be okay, but causing hurt is just not what I do. But I can do it if it's for myself. ~ jolie178923-15423435 "I wish he wasn't so angry at people and himself." There's something here. What is he angry about? OOP He gets angry at people online, angry at bad drivers on the road. He gets angry when he's competitive, he gets angry when things don't happen like they should. I've told him he needs to see someone about it but he hates therapists. He has a lot of resentment in his heart. When it's good, it's great. When it's bad, it's awful. He's never violent, but he raises his voice, curses, and flips things over sometimes (like controllers or folders). I've never felt alright about it. Whenever he would start doing that stuff to me I would put my foot down and let him know very clearly he is never to treat me that way. It's the single thing I've been unrelenting and strong about. He promised me the next time 'it became a problem' he would see someone about it but there have been little bursts that don't warrant a problem, but are enough to put me on edge. This is a problem he doesn't want to address for painful reasons I think, but it has definitely added to the problem of me not wanting to be with him in the long term unless he got help and figured it out. OOP when told she's not done growing and to be the best version of herself This is so real and this is exactly why I posted on reddit. And in a small way, even though I know he thinks I'm great too, I'd like to think that there's a best version of a partner out there for him too. Update - rareddit Nov 27, 2017 (1 week later) This is an update to my previous post here. So, the big conversation happened on Friday, a day earlier than what I was expecting. After writing this post and speaking to trusted family and friends, I decided I didn't want to wake up like I had all week feeling like shit anymore. I'd open my eyes and just immediately feel that familiar pain in my chest. I wanted it to be over. He had been texting me normally in the week so I knew he wasn't expecting this. It made it so much harder. That part wasn't easy, texting him back very plainly to avoid lying or leading him on. But I asked him if he'd like to meet on Friday and he said he'd love to, so I went over in the morning after running a few errands with my brother. He drove what he called the 'Getaway Car' and said he'd pick me up when it was over. It was so hard. His family was decorating the house for Christmas. As soon as I got there, his mother asked me to help drape some garland across the front porch. I stood there with my heart in my throat, helping her out. As soon as I found a window, I walked into the house and found him in the kitchen. He was still in his pajamas. I asked if we could talk in his room, and he said sure. He wrapped me in a hug and rubbed my back, and it took everything not to cry right then. We walked up the stairs to his room, I closed the door, and gave him one last, huge hug in the privacy of his room. I took a breath and then asked if we could sit down. I sat criss cross and began. I told him that I had been in so much pain since we came back after looking at places to live together. I told him that I didn't think we should live together. I told him that was because I didn't think we should be together. I told him it wasn't his fault, that this wasn't because he had something wrong. I told him I felt like there was something wrong with our relationship, and that I knew moving in together wasn't the right choice for us and ultimately, committing to each other like that wasn't the right choice for me. I told him that I wasn't able to commit to him in that way, when the choice came. I told him that it wasn't a smooth transition, that this decision came all at me at once like a freight train. I told him that I was sorry. He asked me why I was doing this. He looked absolutely shocked. He told me he thought everything was perfect and that he didn't understand why I was saying this. He asked me where we should go from here. I told him I wanted to talk this out, since we've been together for so long. I told him I wasn't going to waver in my decision because I felt like it was the right choice to make, but I wanted to talk it out. Instead, he went to his dresser, got out of his pajamas, got into a change of clothes, grabbed his backpack, and left. His mother asked him for more Christmas help but as far as I knew he walked by her. I sat there in shock, I guess. Before he left he said 'See you Saturday' because our friends were having a Friends-giving. I could feel the hysteria come on. It was like a tidal wave. The reality of what I had just done. It was like every elegant, composed, logical reason I had for breaking up went right out the window. Every graceful approach I was going to take this conversation in just blanked on me. I was simply honest and raw. And now I felt like the shittest person I'd ever known. I got my shoes on and flew down the stairs. His mother was asking me for more Christmas help but in the first time in years, I ignored her and ran out the front door. I was walking away from his house. After I had reached the street, she came outside. I could hear her steps behind me. She called out my name with the same urgency that you call out to someone as if they forgot something in the house. I didn't turn around. She called out my name again, louder, and I rounded the corner towards the rest of the neighborhood. I then called my brother and asked him to pick me up. He was there in two seconds. The car was still moving as I opened the door and slid inside, and I was out of there. That was. . .by far the hardest thing I've ever done. I was sobbing. My brother held my hand. It was loud, heartbreaking sobbing. I can't believe I had ended an 8 year relationship but I did. I went home and my family was all there. They all comforted me through it and told me their breakup stories of their first loves. That was Friday. Today, Monday, I have to say. . .it was absolutely the correct decision for me to make. After the initial tears, hysteria and destruction, I realized I had needed to make that decision for a long time. I feel fuller, in a way, if that makes sense. And I'm excited for what's to come for me. Thank you all for your words of wisdom, your insights and your support. I really appreciated all of your comments and I read them a few times a day to give me strength in my down moments. I've gotten to the other side of this and I appreciate all of your input! tl;dr: I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years and I'm going to be very okay. EDIT: To be honest I'm shocked again at the response. Thank you all, even the people who don't agree with my decision. If I were to respond to you all and include every single detail of our relationship to try and justify myself I think it would defeat the point of reading your honest responses, because that's what I'll be dealing with going forward. I appreciate every comment, I've gone through and read them all. Thank you for your eyes and time spent giving your input. RELEVANT COMMENTS KORE4N You sound extremely mature for 22! Because you were with your boyfriend for 8 years, I imagine your lives were intertwined. Down the road, it's possible that you will miss him, miss the relationship, miss everything you two shared and may feel like you've made a huge mistake. It's all normal to feel that way and if you do, please do not hesitate to talk to your supportive family and friends. OOP I'm prepared for the idea that I'll miss absolutely everything. I'm either really well adjusted or this is just a phase before I go back into feeling awful. Either way, in this clear mindset, I'm bracing for it and trusting my conviction. ~ GoodbyeEarl Oh man... I know exactly how you feel. I ended an 8 year relationship about 3 years ago. While I broke the news to him, there was this loud scream in my head to stop stop stop but after the hysteria settled, I knew I had made the right choice. I was surprised how quickly my ex moved on (I moved on too though), which made me realize that perhaps he wasn't totally happy either. Good luck to you. OOP Oh my god, I know what you mean about the screaming. It felt like there was a spirit inside of me throwing chairs around my head screaming Why have you done this? Why would you? Stop, go back, take it back! It was agonizing. Change is hard but I had no idea the mental warfare I would experience, I thought it was all just heartache. Thank you for the well wishes. OOP added this comment about her brother You're right, I didn't go Saturday. A small discovery through all this is that, my brother and I aren't particularly close. We've had a rough childhood with our dad, and he moved to Seattle out of college. Him holding my hand through all this was the most brotherly thing he's done. I will remember that forever. I really feel closer to him now :) THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/CheescakeQueen. She posted in r/AITAH Mood Spoiler: yikes but OOP will be ok Original Post: June 16, 2024 ALTERNATE TITLE: my fiancé called me a woke whore and left me for his mom Last December, my fiancé (m25) and I (f23) became engaged. The engagement itself was very unexpected, and felt very sudden, as we had only been dating for 2 years since. However, I accepted, as I love him, and I couldn’t imagine a future without him in it. Since our engagement, we’ve had several wedding related conversations, and I’ve expressed to him numerous times that I would like to keep my maiden name, and not adopt his. The reason for this is that my parents never had any sons, and I am an only child. I want to carry on the family name for my parents, and I want my children to have the choice of which last name they want to go by and/or both. I’ve expressed all of this to my fiancé, and he complied, and reassured me that he was ok with my decision on the matter. As the wedding draws closer, I received a call from the cake planner last night regarding our cake, which we had met with him and designed a few weeks prior. He informed us that he had a sample prepared for us to come and see, so we drove there the next morning to sample it. Needless to say, I was a bit shocked when he pulled out the cake, which had the words “Mr. And Mrs. Smith” (my husbands last name) printed on top. Thinking it was an accident, (though I had strictly told him just to write ‘Mr and Mrs’ on the cake), I asked him to correct it for the final wedding cake for our wedding, which was in two weeks. He informed me that my fiancé had called him yesterday morning and had asked him to include “smith” on top, along with the previous initials. On the car ride home, my fiancé informed me that he was not comfortable with me keeping my last name, and that he had had a conversation with his mother two days prior, in which she informed him it was “feminine, weak, and woke” for him to comply to my wishes, and that he was signing himself up for an abusive marriage. Talking with the rest of the wedding planning staff, I found out he also instructed that the table centerpieces, official handouts, etc. all be changed to have “Mrs and Mr smith” on them instead of our separate last names, with the help from his mother. After our argument, I informed him that I would call off the wedding if he did not comply with my wishes, and that I didn’t want his mother attending our wedding ceremony either way. He moved out and refuses to talk to me since. AITAH? Relevant Comments: Commenter: OP’s parting comment should be “Better a woke whore than a pathetic little sonsband.” OOP: I might use this 👀 Commenter: Can I ask how this wasn’t apparent before? Has there never been any hard conversations? Any disagreement that your finance talked to his mom and followed what she said? Regardless, for my wife and I, family is important and if we couldn’t get along with each others families it would be a deal breaker. There can’t be a “your family or me.” Situation. You guys have to be in agreement on how to navigate family issues while supporting each other and maintaining a healthy relationship. OOP: I have no idea! We’ve had many conversations about this topic as well as political beliefs, religion, etc. and he claimed to align with everything I did. Only recently has he started coming out with polar opposite views and sneaking around. He’s shown some slight jealously of me in the past, which I suppose could be a red flag (I’m a model, and he frequently brings it up in conversation that he’s insecure about it) but other than that, everything else has been really minor problems. His mom…she has a history of interference (to a different commenter): You’re right- the man I was engaged to was nothing like this :/ honestly, I feel like I don’t even know him anymore, and the thought just makes me sad. I need to call off the wedding. (to a third): My future husband and I are both liberals, and we’ve had many conversations about our political beliefs and opinions regarding last names specifically, and I thought we were both on the same page. He has not expressed discomfort/insecurity with my decision to keep my last name until now, and it just feels so unexpected and out of the blue :/ Commenter: NTAH. That right there is a guy who's trying to marry his mom...not you. Fuck a bullet, that's a nuke and you best dodge it. Think about how he and his mother will try to control your life and your future children's lives. Run girl...run OOP: I really thought I loved him, and I just don’t know anymore 😭 I can’t imagine a future being tied down to a man that doesn’t agree with me, though Commenter: Your conscience is right; imagine how much say he and his mother would allow a “woke whore”🤢 over whether she went out to work and had financial independence, over how to raise any children, over whether to have children. Cut yourself loose, your conscience won’t do you wrong. OOP: You’re right- his mother is definitely not my cup of tea, and while I thought I could ignore it, this is definitely over the line 😬 Commenter: INFO: Who's financing the wedding, please? Because he's looking like a hobosexual choosing beggar. OOP: I was financing a majority of the wedding. We have a shared saving fund we were both contributing to, however, I have a higher income than he does, and offered to pay more (to a different commenter): Yes- I have a steady income modeling, own my own place, and have spent the last however many months budgeting and saving for this wedding :/ my now ex fiancé was just helping me pay bills for my home by contributing some of his income Commenter: He called you a whore, he doesn’t love or respect you. That alone would be a deal breaker for me. Run while you still can. Throw a “I dodged a bullet” party in place of the reception. Or have the food donated to a local homeless shelter OOP: Giving the food to a homeless shelter is an awesome idea! Thank you :) I’ll definitely check it out Commenter: I'm stuck on the cake thing. Bakers don't bake an entire wedding cake as a "sample." Did you actually buy two cakes? OOP: The baker was a fairly close acquaintance of ours, and he baked a very small-scaled model of what our cake would look like for us, so we could better visualize it in comparison with the rest our decor, etc. He went above and beyond, and the model sized cake was delicious….the lettering, however, was not (to a different commenter): He’s my fiancés high school best friend, and he’s an extremely sweet guy EDIT: To clarify: I gave him the opportunity to do couples counseling as well as agreeing that we could do joint last names on any future children’s birth certificates, along with trying to have a rational conversation with him. The argument STARTED when he called me a “woke whore” for my decision (the one he had previously agreed to), and that’s when I told him it may be in our best interest to call off the wedding and banned his mother. The main reason I’m upset is not because of his desire for me to take his last name, but that he originally told me he was fine with it, and then went behind my back and changed things against my wishes. Update in Comments: June 17, 2024 (Next Day) Yesterday evening, I made the decision to text my fiancé and call off the wedding. I texted him the following message: “Hey. I just wanted to let you know that the wedding is off. Please inform your relatives/friends that the only Mrs. Smith they will find standing near the aisle will be your mom. I will mail back your ring to your mothers address, but please do not get in touch with me after this, or this woke whore will take your sorry ass to court” To which he responded with a long profession of his love, including several “I didn’t mean it”s as well as “it was an accident” I left this message on read, and comfortably blocked his number…however I didn’t expect to receive a call from his MOTHER an hour later, who ran her mouth at me over the phone, and called me a “crazy bitch”, and informed me that she was going to make my life a living hell for what I did to her son. I already made plans to change my lock and install a front porch camera, but should I be doing anything else to protect myself? I am also receiving nasty messages from my ex fiancés friends, threatening me for my decision. I will plan to donate any/all food to a nearby homeless shelter, and I like another users idea to contact the baker and have the lettering changed to “woke whore” instead. I will also contact any of my own friends/family about the cancellation and give my best explanation, as well as canceling the venue, photographer, etc. Thank you all! Relevant Comments: Commenter: OP- good for you!!👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼. I would keep any messages and voicemails and take them to the police for a restraining order. She seems unhinged. I’d also make a simple post or send a message that anyone interested in trying to harass you will have some explaining to do to the police etc. You literally dodged a bullet and good for you for not putting up with that bullshit!! OOP: Ty! I’ve already printed out several screenshots and recorded voicemails just in case I need them in the unfortunate event that this escalates even more Commenter: Do you have a friend or family member who can come stay with you for a few days? Just in case ex or mommy shows up? OOP: I do! My parents will be staying with me until I can install new locks and cameras Commenter: Might be a good idea to go stay with family until you get the cameras set up. Up to you if you want to unblock him but leave him on read to gather more evidence, just in case you do have to take this to the police. Unsure how unbalanced his family and friends are, but may want to notify your work that this is going on so they can be mindful as well. Hopefully this is all overkill but better to be safe then sorry. Treat it like a divorce. Record yourself gathering anything of his that was at your place and have someone else deliver it to him. OOP: My work is going to be one of my biggest concerns. I work at an agency that I do modeling work for, and I’ve been doxxed because of it in the past, and forced to move. I may talk to my employer there whom I am very close with, just so he is aware of the situation. I will keep this all in mind- thank you! Update 2 in Comments: 12 hours later My ex fiancés mom just now texted me, informing me that my fiance had been cheating with a girl from his high school during the entire length of our relationship. In her text, she included several suggestive screenshots of conversations my fiance and said girl had together. I left her on read. My self esteem is crushed. Everything else was just the icing for this massive slice of shit cake. I have never felt more confused, used, broken, and betrayed as I do right now. I feel so physically sick I want to die. Relevant Comments: Commenter: WOW. Your fiancé and his mom are a real piece of work. I’m so sorry that you are being made to suffer in this way by them. Hopefully you can find the time to reflect on how much better your life will be without these toxic, woman-hating people in your life. Even if it is not the life you thought it was going to be, it will be a better one. And a million congrats to you for having the courage to call off a wedding so late and last-minute, for not caving to his weak attempts to apologize, and for withstanding the harassment from his friends and family. You are such a strong person, you are already so much better off, and you will be even happier and better off as time goes on. OOP: Thank you- that means a lot. It sounds like either way, I was always plan B in my fiancés life. The only plan B I’m willing to take is a pill to prevent myself from having kids and subjecting them to this POS father. submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641 Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes + her own page Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU #6 Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- [New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there. Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment RECAP Original Post: November 14, 2023** I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group. Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility. Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021. Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”. Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down. Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to. I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season. Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.   Update #1: November 27, 2023 Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think? It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses. We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.   Update #2: December 12, 2023 So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know? Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that. Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well. And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties. On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it. Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.   Inheritance: December 16, 2023 I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know? No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active. The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.   Christmas: December 25, 2023 I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect. Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer. Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls. We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time. As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.   Brother’s call: December 26, 2023 Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning. For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back. Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth: Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me. The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people. 4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home. 8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there. And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me". But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral. That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember? I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed. The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them. My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it". He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives. On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.   Brother's Here: December 27, 2023 My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped. This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right. Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!   Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024 I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness! Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely. Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home. Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.   Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024 My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys. This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression. Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly. My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined. Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.   Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024 Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care. Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them. We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office. Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it. RELEVANT COMMENTS fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks! OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder. I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it. MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play. OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't. As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.   Update: February 27, 2024 My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits. Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it. Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her. There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet. Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!   Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024 Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one. It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal. The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason. The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area. The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy. And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing. We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods. As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for. I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you. Relevant Comments emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window! But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour? OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it). mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening? OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it! -my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later) Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil. Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now. My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them. No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.   Latest Update here: BoRU #8   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641 Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes and her own page Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5 EDITOR’S NOTE: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above FINAL UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- [Final Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there. Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment RECAP Original Post: November 14, 2023 I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group. Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility. Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021. Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”. Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down. Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to. I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season. Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.   Update #1: November 27, 2023 Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think? It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses. We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.   Update #2: December 12, 2023 So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know? Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that. Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well. And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties. On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it. Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.   Inheritance: December 16, 2023 I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know? No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active. The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.   Christmas: December 25, 2023 I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect. Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer. Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls. We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time. As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.   Brother’s call: December 26, 2023 Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning. For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back. Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth: Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me. The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people. 4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home. 8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there. And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me". But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral. That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember? I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed. The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them. My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it". He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives. On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.   Brother's Here: December 27, 2023 My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped. This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right. Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!   Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024 I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness! Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely. Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home. Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.   Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024 My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys. This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression. Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly. My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined. Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.   Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024 Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care. Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them. We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office. Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it. RELEVANT COMMENTS fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks! OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder. I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it. MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play. OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't. As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.   Update: February 27, 2024 My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits. Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it. Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her. There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet. Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!   ----NEW UPDATE---- Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024 Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one. It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal. The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason. The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area. The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy. And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing. We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods. As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for. I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you. Relevant Comments emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window! But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour? OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it). mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening? OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it! -my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.   Latest Update here: New Update: BoRU #7   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641 Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes and her own page Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4 EDITOR’S NOTE: Removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older comments, check out the previous BoRUs above Please note that OOP's latest new updates were not on this sub NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there. Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment RECAP Original Post: November 14, 2023 I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group. Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility. Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021. Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”. Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down. Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to. I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season. Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them. Update #1: November 27, 2023 Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think? It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses. We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook. Update #2: December 12, 2023 So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know? Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that. Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well. And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties. On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it. Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays. Inheritance: December 16, 2023 I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know? No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active. The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much. Christmas: December 25, 2023 I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect. Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer. Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls. We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time. As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve. Brother’s call: December 26, 2023 Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning. For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back. Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth: Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me. The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people. 4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home. 8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there. And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me". But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral. That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember? I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed. The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them. My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it". He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives. On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited. Brother's Here: December 27, 2023 My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped. This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right. Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive! Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024 I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness! Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely. Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home. Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space. Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024 My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys. This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression. Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly. My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined. Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone. ----NEW UPDATE---- Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024 Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care. Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them. We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office. Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it. RELEVANT COMMENTS fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks! OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder. I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it. MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play. OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't. As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.   Update: February 27, 2024 My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits. Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it. Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her. There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet. Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game! RELEVANT COMMENT Ok-Meeting-8588: That sounds nice, and I hope this does get resolved peacefully. Just make sure the pastor doesn’t try to use the whole “mistakes were made on both ends so everyone needs to apologize because everyone equally messed up.” You did nothing wrong and you don’t owe anyone any apologies. OOP: Oh, I definitely plan on it. Dad's confirmed that we did nothing wrong, that we were done dirty, and I think he passed that on to the pastor. Though, I am expecting some "turn the other cheek" talk, which is to be expected.   Latest Update here: Final BoRU   THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Specialist-Ball9777 in r/AITAH, r/EntitledPeople and her user account trigger warnings: infidelity, parental abandonment, harrassement/trespassing, stealing, lying, false allegation of SA, possible sex with a minor ​ For clarity, the abbreviations used by OOP are: HS = half-sister BM = biological mother Rando = BM's current husband GM = maternal grandmother AP = HS's bio father RO = restraining order TO = no trespassing order TRO = temporary restraining order ​ AITAH for not helping my half-sister - 10th November 2023 My half-sister (HS) and I have no real relationship. Background: My dad divorced our mother when I was 5 and HS was still 4, but going on 5. HS was the product of my mother's affair and born exactly nine months after me. My dad stayed with my mother up until I, at 5, told him about the man my mother kept bringing over when he wasn't home - that would be HS's father. My dad gave my mother the house in exchange for removing his name from HS's birth certificate. He paid her child support for me up until I was 8 and my mother abandoned me during her week because her AP didn't want to take a child that wasn't his to visit his family for the holidays anymore and HS pretty much hated me because her grandpa supposedly liked me better. Dad tried to be civil and make sure I had a relationship with HS after that, but I didn't want anything to do with her either, so I never spent time with her after that. HS herself would say she didn't have a sister, so I never claimed her. AITAH Question and Advice Needed The day I made my account, HS called me. I don't know how she got my number, but she was sobbing about "our mom" kicking her out of the house and not wanting anything to do with her now that she's married to (random name) - don't know who he is. I just hung up on her to be honest and she started texting me that she really needs her sister's help. She says she has nowhere else to go, her father cut contact awhile ago and no one is willing to come up to get her (she lives six hours away from where I live, which I guess is easy to figure - I live next door to my dad). I'm a bit torn because when she called again, I told her we're not actually sisters and I'm not coming to get her nor am I giving her a place to stay until she's back on her feet. Then I hung up again. I blocked her number, but she's been calling from other numbers and now I have people from my mother's family telling me I'm an awful sister and I should be more understanding because I was once the child that got kicked out. I just need some insight because I want to know if I'm in the wrong or if I should've gone about it differently. Comments BimboTwitchBarbie NTA - tell those people that they should take her in if it matters that much to them. gufiutt NTA — your mother’s family has a lot of nerve. Are any of them stepping forward to help your HS out? Ultimately, you don’t owe her anything due to some shared genetics. At the same time, do you want to act the same way she did. I’d definitely be cautious bringing someone into my home that I didn’t trust enough to not rob me blind, etc. you know her better than we do. If you do decide to be the change you would like to see in the world just be certain to lay out all of the possible ground rules ahead of time. ​ OOP:That's my main question, the "act the same way she did" part. Had this been a few years earlier, I would've helped her I think - when we were kids, I'm pretty sure she was just parroting whatever her parents were saying. But we're both 25 now and I don't get why after 17 years, I'm the one she comes running to. I don't think I should've said what I said when she was already so emotional, but I just don't get it. No one is helping her as far as I know. Most of the people calling/texting are people I don't have a relationship with. My grandma claims she has a full house right now and since I "technically" live alone, she thinks I should help HS out. But she's saying that because of the whole "family helps family" mindset. I don't know her all that well anymore either. She's as much of a stranger to me now as she is to you, I just wanna know what others would do in my place. ​ Judgement is NTA ​ They dropped her off at my house (rant) - 12th November 2023 4 days ago, I made my account and contemplated asking if I was an AH for something. My half sister (HS) had called me crying, saying "our" mother kicked her out and she really needs her sister. I hung up the first time and when she kept calling and texting, I told her we're not actually sisters and I wasn't driving six hours to pick her up nor letting her stay with me. I've been getting nonstop texts and calls from my maternal family since then. My maternal grandmother, the only person I stayed in any contact with, pretty much begged me to "be a good sister" and let HS stay with me - she told HS I have my own house, gave her my number, ect. I've blocked my grandmother and everyone saying that I should be understanding because we've both been abandoned by our mother. It isn't the same, I told my grandmother this, but no one seems willing to acknowledge that. For context, HS and I are exactly 9 months apart in age. She's the product of an affair and my dad stayed with my biological mother (BM) until I was 5 and told him she kept bringing a man around when he wasn't home - her affair partner (AP) and HS's biological dad. Dad divorced BM and gave her the house in exchange for removing his name from HS's birth certificate. BM lost custody of me when I was 8 after abandoning me because AP didn't want to bring a child that wasn't his to family gatherings. Dad tried to keep it civil so I could have a relationship with HS, but she was a mini-AP and never viewed me as a sister. I didn't like being around her, so my dad never forced me to. BM, AP, and HS moved not long after this - BM had been in childcare and lost her job because no one wants to hire you to watch their kids when you abandon yours in the middle of the night... I haven't seen HS in 17 years. I didn't know what she looked like until I came home today. She was sitting on my porch with a suitcase and a car, I think my grandmother's, pulled off as soon as I parked. I didn't get out of the car, I was too angry to even move and I'm still angry right now. She kept saying she needs me and started crying, telling me that "our mom" was awful, her dad cut contact, and BM's new partner doesn't want her in his house. I live next door to my dad, so when HS started knocking on my car window after I just stared at her, I called him and told him what was going on and ask what I should do. Dad told me to stay in my car and call the cops, say I had a trespasser, which I did. I didn't get out until the cops came and when they did, HS told them I agreed to let her stay and now I'm leaving her homeless. I just showed them the texts, specifically the only texts I gave in response to everyone demanding U let her stay - "no" to you have the space; "no" to she's your sister; "no" to can she PLEASE stay with you. Nothing but refusals before I blocked people. When HS kept saying we're sisters, I told the cops I haven't seen "this woman" in 17 years - I don't know her, I didn't even know what she looked like. We're not family beyond sharing an egg donor. I went as far as unblocking my grandmother and calling her. I didn't even get to speak. She said/yelled - "Look, OP, I love you, but you need to get over this! She's family and she needs you and I've told your father you'd go to hell if he raised you to be so damn selfish and you definitely will because she's going through the same thing you went through!" She hung up right after and I told the cops they can book HS or drop her at a shelter - I don't care. I just want her off my property. They took her and now I'm sitting here on my dad's couch wondering what the hell just happened. He doesn't want me staying alone right now in case they show back up. I'm so pissed right now, I don't get it. 17 damn years of no contact, I only speak to my grandmother on holidays, I don't know most of the aunts and uncles and cousins that blew up my phone, but because BM pushed me out I have to do what they tell me to. I'm 25 years old. I've only had my dad and my paternal family for years. BM and her family haven't done crap for me, none of them even know when my damn birthday is because even my grandmother TEXTS me on the wrong day - not even a phone call. If HS needs help so badly, one of YOU should help her! I don't know her, I don't know any of you either. I'm not letting an entire stranger into my house! And 6 hours is too far to visit when I had surgery, but not too far to try and force me to do something!? HawkeyeinDC This is crazy. Why is no one on the maternal side stepping up? And how old is this half-sister? It also just seems SO bizarre that your maternal grandmother would drive a 12 hour round trip to basically ditch your half-sister with you…. ​ OOP: She's 24-25, her birthday is close I think. And it is crazy that she drove down here. I know there's far more to this situation and I really don't wanna know. I just want them to leave me be. ​ HawkeyeinDC I know you don’t plan to let her move in with you, but don’t ever change your mind on that. She’ll likely never leave, won’t pay rent/contribute towards costs, and you’d have to legally evict her. Save yourself the headache! ​ OOP: The nightmare of an eviction process is part of why I don't like the idea of anyone staying with me tbh. It's 7 nights in a row here for guests to become tenants and the one time a friend of mine let someone stay with her, one week turned into six months of court hearings and damaged property. Definitely gonna save myself the headache. ​ Update They dropped her off at my house - 13 November 2023 I checked the camera footage last night/this morning. HS and BM's mother had been looking under mats, rocks, in potted plants, the mailbox, and checking the doors. Probably were looking for a spare - I don't keep one on my property and my dad, grandma, and grandpa have keys they keep with theirs. My uncle did an overhaul of mine and dad's cameras. We now have ones that send notifications to our phones when motion is detected. Also got ring doorbells for the front and back doors. There are other features and all the cameras are better hidden as well. I went to the police department while he was doing this and brought my grandpa with me. HS was booked for trespassing, but not held very long since BM's mother picked her up from the station. They stuck to the lie of me offering HS a place to stay and gave statements. Not sure how that's going to go, but I'm taking steps to protect myself, my property, and my dad and his property. HS doesn't have a record beyond this, so this was her first offense. I don't know how I feel about that tbh. It sounds awful, but I had hoped she would have at least one prior because commenters make it seem like that would make the outcome of a permanent RO and TO favorable. BM's mother DOES have a record though. Harassment, trespassing, and domestic violence. I shared this with the police as well. Either way, I was able to get a temporary restraining order today, so there's that. I gave the camera footage to the police alongside copies of the texts (printed out and on USB), gave a statement, and they called a judge to get the TRO issued. I talked with them about other things like self-defense recommendations, overhauling my security system, getting a gun for protection, and so on. I was really anxious and just kept talking because it finally hit me that these people know where I live and they're willing to make the 6 hours to harass me and get inside my home. The texts and voice-messages haven't stopped (I unblocked and muted). There are direct and indirect threats. BM's mother is adamant that since I have an entire house to myself, a stable job, and no children, I "will" be housing HS or she'd give me the @ss-whopping my dad should've. HS has only left one voice-message about coming over later today and that she's staying with me because "that's what blood does, they help." When there was no response, she sent multiple texts telling me I need to be more understanding, that she's in a tough spot, and that she's moving in "for at least a week" until she's able to support herself (it's 7 days to gain tenancy here). Additional clarification for people asking about the age gap. I'm a February 1st baby, HS is a November 29th baby. I say "exactly" 9 months because I'm not counting the weeks and days - just felt that people knowing we're the same age was relevant and gave context to why I have no relationship with her. I don't know if she was premature. I never asked tbh and there are people saying they have similar gaps around them, so I have nothing to add. Multiple people also asked if I hate HS and that I sound resentful for things she said as a child and for things her parents did. In my first post, I talked to someone in the comments and admitted that had this been a few years earlier, I may have helped HS without much thought. I know as children, she was just parroting her parents. I don't fault her for that nor do I blame her for BM abandoning me. But it's been 17 years. We've been legal adults for 7 of those years. She could've reached out at any point, but didn't and said she had no sister. I also could've reached out at any point, but also didn't. I just moved on with my life - I was in therapy since I was abandoned and it took me years to move on from no one on that side actually wanting me. Now she's making herself a problem. BM's mother aside, HS was sitting on my porch with a suitcase ready to force herself into my home and life. She allowed herself to be driven 6 hours to my home, sat on my porch for half an hour, and then lied to police all after I said no multiple times. She never claimed me until she needed something and now she's forcing herself into my life on the basis of being family. I don't hate her, that's too much energy, but I do resent her now alongside her grandmother and the rest of her family. I was ignored for YEARS and now I feel unsafe in my own home just because HS and those around her can't take "no" for an answer. This isn't about BM's affair, this is about HS and her family ruining my safe space, my home, with their crap. The past is a factor in that resentment now because, again, I haven't spoken to her in 17 years, I didn't know what she looked like, but suddenly we're sisters because she needs someplace to stay. I definitely resent that. Also, I feel validated in my choices - posting to Reddit, asking for and taking advice, listening to my dad. The attorney I spoke to pretty much said all the same things commenters have. Unblocking and muting to get and evidence of harassment. Calling the cops and showing them the messages because it proves there was no implied invitation. This is apparently the biggest thing I had to worry about because even letting HS stay on my porch could've worked against me. Giving the cops the camera footage of HS and BM's mother looking for a spare key was also a good move. Even going about upgrading security, getting self-defense items, and asking the officers about self-defense recommendations and my wish to get a gun for protection works in my favor - it shows that even though this was HS's first offense, I don't feel safe and she's a major cause of that. And I don't. So thank you again for all the advice. If they show up like they said, I'm gonna set off my security system and call the cops. Edit (from a comment) It wasn't "active" [the TRO] when I posted the update because they hadn't been served yet. They were found at a hotel near my home and were served (a neighbor saw them and called the police). I was reporting the texts though. The TRO is on both HS and BM's mother. ​ Comments OOP:My neighbors, friends, and family are all on rotation watching the house and I have my grandparents with me. Grandpa is 6'2", carries at all times, and is pretty intimidating (in the opinion of others at least). My dad is similar alongside my uncle and a friend that's gonna sleepover tonight. The signs are now up and was part of the lawyer's advice, so you definitely have the right idea! Cease and desists have also been filed for everyone else harassing me and so far, no one's showing up on my property like they said they would. Hopefully it stays that way Concern cousin on HS - 13th November 2023 Was going through the first messages sent to me and found one of the many I muted without reading. This is from a cousin of HS. Note - the order of info was edited to be better understood. A lot was blocks of text, so I tried to put it in order. AP cut contact with HS when she was 20. She covered BM's affair with Rando. AP stopped paying her tuition and cut her off financially. HS's work history is non-existent She was kicked out by BM a month ago because she was sleeping with Rando and one of his sons. Said son turned 18 two months ago. HS came home to hers and Rando's things on the curb and all the locks changed. Police weren't involved. The cousin doesn't know if BM told the boy's mother, but she did tell the entire family. Essentially said "protect you kids and marriage." HS claims she only slept with him on his birthday, but BM claims he was a minor when HS slept with him. The family is adamant about getting her somewhere safe to stay long-term because HS is pregnant. No one likes her, but believe abandoning her is wrong due to her pregnancy. The cousin expresses doubt about the pregnancy. HS showed GM a positive pregnancy test, but no one else has been given any proof. HS has a history of lying. HS couch-surfed with those that don't have kids. So far she's - "borrowed" someone's car without permission; taken expensive items to pawn; taken money meant for interview clothes and travel then blew it on expensive "mom and baby" outfits. When cops are involved, she lies and has gotten someone arrested by claiming SA when they tried to have her removed from their property. The plot to get HS into my house was the idea of an uncle (one of GM's three sons). GM apparently brags/complains about me being young with no kids, a well-paid job, and a house I own. Essentially, this uncle said I had no responsibilities, disposable income, and plenty of room. Because no one wants to outright abandon HS, this was the "best plan." The cousin - "don't give a inch not even a ride to a shelter. Someone tried and she caused a scene nearly got them arrested because she kept lying about the situation. Please read this I read your two posts stay safe." Comments 7thatsanope Great job of the cousin filling in these outrageous blanks. Wow. indiajeweljax OP should keep in touch with this cousin to see what else is coming. Surely they aren’t done yet. ​ GhoulishHoney I figured there was a pregnancy involved when there was talk of meeting the minimum number of days for tenancy. They want her to stay long enough that you can't force her out quickly, making it likely that she has the baby (if actually pregnant), and how could you possibly kick out the baby? OP, please protect yourself as I think this is only the beginning of it. ​ StageHandRed Honest worry about your holiday plans. I wouldn't leave your house/travel for Thanksgiving or Christmas, and be ready for her to make a scene on one of those days and try to get into the house if you have guests. Or porch pirate you stuff. Stay safe OP. We're rooting for you. ​ OOP: Definitely preparing for that. I've read all of camper nomad's posts and the potential lengths HS and GM may go is scary af. My grandma (the real one) brought this up herself and suggested we just have it here. That way if they pop up around holidays, all of us are present and ready for the bs. Thank you ​ Update - I'm alive and well - 14th November 2023 No major updates today. Texts and calls have all stopped, my entire neighborhood is on alert, and the family rotation continues. One of my friends stayed last night and a different friend agreed to stay tonight. Today will be spent with my aunt (the one with the keychain and fisticuff bracelet) and grandma. No one showed up at my house in the middle of the night. I'm following the advice of multiple people, the first being about making an "FU" binder. https://www.reddit.com/u/ForwardPlenty/s/eH1RTLp63G My aunt suggested making transcripts of all the saved voice-messages, which I think is a pretty good addition to this to go along with the USB drive of them. So that'll be part of what I do today. The second piece of advice I have saved is about documenting every day, even if nothing happens, in a spiral notebook. I started on this immediately. https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/s/RlrOlGYBn0 Will also be recording when I go to and from work or anywhere tbh. Also, multiple people on the door screws - that was among the first things done when I brought the house! And my windows were all changed on purchase as well. They're impact windows, so it'll take a lot of effort to break them. My uncle has always been big on home safety, so he did all of that with me. Even though I'm next door to my dad and fairly close to the rest of the family, he always says I'm still a woman alone in a house - you can never be too safe. I feel a bit better with all the advice offered. If anyone is having similar trouble, take the advice offered in the comments. It really helped and I'm grateful for all the help. Holiday vacations has officially been canceled and refunded (always invest in travel insurance!) A lot of stories shared with me have me on edge about leaving my home unattended. My neighbors offered to watch my house, but I'd feel more comfortable being present if something happens. So this year I'm gonna be hosting Thanksgiving and potentially Christmas. My grandma suggested this and she's getting really into it, so today might also be shopping for decorations. Thank you guys again! ​ Comments Keldin145014 Only thing Paranoid!Me worries is that they'll use the Thanksgiving party (either preparing for or day of) to gain entrance. ​ OOP: Same here. It's why my grandma is adamant about having it at my place tbh. That way if anyone tries anything, my whole family is present. ​ Straysmom I'm sorry that you have to be so vigilant, just because of some entitled aka crazy "family" members. Would taking that whole mess that your cousin sent via text to the police help at all? If there was an investigation opened, she might find herself in extremely hot water. OOP: If anything comes from my talks with my cousin, I'll definitely make an update. Don't wanna put out any info on it since HS is apparently a lurker on my posts RustySax IF, and it's a questionable IF, HS is, indeed pregnant, and if, indeed, the sperm donor was Rambo's son, and if, indeed, Rambo's son was under 18 at the time of conception, there are many jurisdictions where law enforcement would be VERY interested in this situation. Which could also very quickly solve your problem at the same time. ​ **Small Update from OOP within 7 day timeframe of posting as per BoRU rules*\* ​ Happy Turkey Day! - 24th November 2023 Hi everyone, happy Thanksgiving! My day went well. There were no surprise visitors, no calls or texts, and no real updates on anything. I'm probably not gonna post anymore unless something happens. Thank you to everyone asking for updates on my safety - everything's fine, but I'm staying vigilant regardless. ​ Reminder - I am not the original poster. submitted by /u/Stephenallen1977 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Obligatory on mobile, apologies for any formatting issues... I share a porch with one neighbor, who is notorious for not cleaning up after herself or her kids. For example, one time there was a broken longboard sitting right in front of their door that they would step over every day to get into their unit. For 7 months, they just ignored it, until one day I asked the oldest kid (15M) to please clean it up. He's a good kid and instantly threw it away. I told him thank you and that was that. Now, I know I could have cleaned it up myself, but I don't want to assume that they didn't want it (idk, maybe it had sentimental value??) Plus I constantly clean up the shared porch. Throwing away trash, picking up cigarette butts, sweeping, clearing cobwebs... I have known her to sweep the porch all of one time in the 6 years she has lived there. Last year (October 2019) I bought several small sugar pumpkins and placed them on my porch next to my jack-o-lanterns. After Halloween, I threw all of them away in an unused wooded area next to my apartment complex so they could decompose. The next day, I found one of the sugar pumpkins back on the porch - outside of her door. I know that it was one I had bought because of the particular markings on it. Ok, weird, but whatever, I'm glad someone is enjoying it. I figured she would throw it away after Thanksgiving. Then after Christmas. Then after new years. Well, it's now been a year and the pumpkin is still there. It is NASTY. It looks like it has practically melted into the porch. She has put Halloween decorations all around it, and still hasn't cleaned it up. I think it's gross, but left it there on principle, because I am tired of cleaning up after a grown woman. We work opposite shifts now, so I never see her. I also don't have her phone number because she is constantly changing it. I was thinking of leaving her a note asking her to please clean it up, but I'm worried it will somehow come across as rude. So, I think I might have a little fun with it... I'm considering putting one of those little pointy birthday hats on it and a sign saying "Happy 1st Birthday!" over it. Personally I think it would be hilarious and get the point across, but my husband thinks we should just suck it up and clean it up. Again, I don't want to do so out of principle. So Reddit, WIBTA if I celebrated the pumpkin's 1st birthday? EDIT: Holy guacamole, I can't keep up with the comments! Thanks everyone for the honest feedback, I have been laughing at all the amazing ideas for how I can address this. First and foremost - I hope this satisfies your appetites, you animals! This is the infamous pumpkin. I included her flower pot for size comparison. Now, to answer a few questions: - We live in a condo complex with an HOA. Our units are owned by separate people, and I don't have a way to contact the owner of her unit. I also don't want to get any "authorities" or whatever like the HOA involved as I'm not trying to get her in trouble. - The kids are 17M and 15F; the longboard incident was a few years ago. - The kids are not in danger or neglect that I can tell; they are happy, healthy teenagers. I will not be calling CPS or DFS on her. She is a slob, yes, but she is not a hoarder (from what I can tell from the front door, at least, and her back balcony) and does not appear to have any debilitating mental illnesses. - Both my husband and I have talked to her in the past about keeping the shared space clean. This has not changed her behavior, and she is quick to blame the kids for not picking up after themselves, yet there has never been an issue when I have asked them to do so. - We don't have a bad relationship, but I wouldn't say we are friends. It's more just friendly chit chat when we run into each other in the parking lot. She is generally a pretty easy going person but tends to act immaturely for her age (and yes I know that putting a party hat on a pumpkin isn't exactly the pinnacle of maturity). - I am not out there cleaning religiously. Thank you for your concern about my supposed OCD, but I promise you, I'm not some sort of crazy neat freak by any means. I just feel that shared space should be kept clean and that functioning adults are fully capable of cleaning up after themselves. - It is possible that one of the kids or their friends put the pumpkin there. However, there is no possible way that the mom hasn't noticed it over the last year. You see it as soon as you come up the stairs. - It would not be possible to put a fence between our halves of the porch, because then they would not be able to access their unit. - The pumpkin doesn't smell (which tbh I don't understand how???) but it is unsightly. I have not noticed any insects or vermin thankfully. - My husband doesn't care enough to clean it up, he just thinks the whole thing is funny, although gross. However I know if I asked him to clean it up he would, but I'm not going to ask him to. - Why does it bother me so much? Well first off, it's not THAT big of a deal to me. I'm not going to die on a hill of pumpkins. I'm not simmering in rage every time I see gourds. I don't stay up late at night fantasizing about having a clean porch. I do fully acknowledge that this is clearly my problem, and that she obviously doesn't care about it, otherwise she would have cleaned it up by now. And on that note, if it bothered me to the extent that some commenters seem to think it does, then I would have just cleaned it up. But part of me is leaving it there just because I'm curious to see how long it will last before it decomposes into oblivion. Because science. This post has given me lots to think about in terms of conflict resolution. Honestly, I'm thinking I will probably just clean it up myself and then talk to her about it next time I see her (whenever that is...) because I'm not trying to cause any tension. But I'm also thinking I need to have a little photoshoot with the pumpkin to give it a proper send-off and birthday celebration. Stay tuned folks - I'll update in the next few days. EDIT 2: Click here for the update, and here for pictures of the pumpkin's bday party. submitted by /u/weenzmagheenz to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]