Golf Outfits Women

... hanger I own. All my golf shirts, nice sweaters, and slacks... a bit too much for women and drink.    My dad had ... could put together some snazzy outfits. In 1979 my senior year ...

... these tall and warrior bunny women, Kurata can probably explain it... dressed in weird looking black outfits, they shot fire balls back... hole the size of a golf ball into the night sky. "...

... bigger crowd than Ted Cruz. Women were crying as he was... a couple folks in ICE outfits. Pic of my crew. Weighs... Hamilton is his name. Cowboy's Golf Club for the Bannon Party...

... for summer activities such as golf, tennis, running, hiking or daily..., sports, and outdoor outfits for both men and women Description Stay comfortable and... suitable for both men and women. Each set comes with four ... it easy to match different outfits for sport, travel, or everyday ... securely, making it suitable for golf, tennis, running, fitness workouts, or ...

... Peroro-humanoids in similarly matching gangster outfits. They were pretty much smaller...pile. Another Incel aimed a golf club directly at my head, ... ragdolled onto the floor, his golf club clattering with a metallic .... "Baseball Raccoon does not use golf clubs!" a male voice from ... I would, mostly because a golf club was just a poor ... went ballistic: in unison, man, women, and child alike all suddenly ...

1.The Stew Crew has all but abandoned their long form YouTube platform and have switched to short form content on all platforms. This week after skipping another vlog, Evan says there just isn’t going to be one because they have been very busy. What they’re busy doing is delaying any real time footage while they travel, try to keep the larger Bates family together and (most importantly) Evan grows out his hair. Carlin is at 1.1 million followers which makes her a “macro influencer” and she can’t be out here just showcasing that much content all at once. Influencers in the big leagues live very curated lives, and run content up to a month behind real time. Long gone are the days of stories showing what’s happening in the moment, and 20-30 minute blocks of trips to the big house and waiting in line at Starbucks. What you get now is focused, purposeful and either a full on ad, or intended to prime you for the next ad. Would you believe that CVS is likely paying the Stewarts $20-$40,000 per campaign? Compare that to someone like Whitney and Zach who are making $2-$5,000 per campaign and it’s easy to see how Layla has 2 mortgages, vehicles, and is traveling overseas in this economy. Kids continue to sell and Evan and Carlin are being rewarded for having absolutely no boundaries while heavily exploiting their children. Carlin has quickly and quietly moved away from Katie and the unofficial ambassadors of questionable judgment (Evan and Travis) no longer even dare glance at one another. That leaves a giant hole in the Stewarts lives that needs to be filled, so enter Warden and his bribe...I mean bride, Kaybrie. Kaybrie was born to influence, preen and pose for the cameras and she has the “honey, sweetheart, sugar on top” mannerisms that fits just perfectly with the Stewarts content, so Carlin agrees to host a shotgun wedding of sorts in the Temu Tara backyard. The reason Warden needs to marry this girl is because her daddy is terminally ill. Truly a sad story and it leaves no room for snarking about how she showed up at the exact moment Warden was being dragged for filth all over the internet or how the Bates have invaded her life, taken over every aspect of everything and suddenly she has a public platform and has to live 24/7 with this scrawny little man child who doesn’t even have a w2. Carlin is happy to throw some cokes in her broken fountain out back, set up some Chick-fil-a trays on the pool house window and get these kids to having legal sex. When she isn’t helping Kelly Joe craft a sympathetic narrative, Carlin is spending every waking moment trying to get shots of Navy Kate’s feet or trotting out that old standard-- Layla Rae dressed as a princess loving on her daddy. Carlin is making lots of “daddy issues” content these days, just blatantly putting all of her own issues on display via Layla. We never thought we’d see the day but reels featuring Layla aren’t performing as well as baby sister’s are, and this fact makes Carlin dress her up in a full face of makeup and send her strutting down a sidewalk on the way to getting her nails done. She’s a real life working girl and let’s all hope she garners at least a million views on one of these reels because if not... she’ll be retired to the 3rd row of the Tesla right beside brother Zade. 2.Katie Clark is burning it all to the ground and doing it in a red string bikini. After posting a huge word salad that can be construed a hundred different ways and opens everyone in her family up to scrutiny, Katie cleans up her Instagram and leaves less than 200 posts... then hauls ass to the Jersey Shore to love up with her hunk of a man and thumb her nose at Tennessee. Seriously, what the hell is happening here? Her siblings are racing to post on anything she drops less they be called out as “the one” who has hurt her, but even their comments seem empty. There’s no way I am going to believe that she went from seeing at least Josie and Carlin almost daily to now just a few emojis left on a random posts. This girl gushed over her dad and wanted her mom and her sisters with her at all times. Her younger siblings had keys to her house, they planned a podcast with the Stewarts who they spent nights with, spent every Sunday with... Josie loaned her clothes and gave her a vacation at a lake house... they went on bougie shopping sprees and vacations and rented houses and cars together.... and now it’s just crickets?? The opinion seems to be split over whether Katie has had some awakening about her childhood being spent in a religious cult OR whether she’s just ticked off that her family isn’t willing to forgive her cheater, cheater Thrive market eater of a husband. Some folks think she’s no longer sharing Harvey and Hailey on the internet but they certainly seem to be front and center in every ad and shooting them from behind isn’t protecting them in the least. Especially not when every second since the cord was clipped has been filmed and shared with the public. Katie is doing some sort of count down to her next big move, while also not sharing where she is moving to. If she tries to claw back a little privacy now and set some boundaries, she’s going to face the wrath of her audience. Somebody is going to have to get a real job to support this cushy lifestyle Hailey and Harvey have been providing their parents and too bad for Travis and Katie... Chick-Fil-A doesn’t hire 4 year olds. 3.Josie Balka is currently undergoing the fundie version of Stella Gets her Groove Back. Her version of this is to stand in her bathroom, clad in a robe while aggressively applying product to her hair. Josie’s biggest enemy has always been her siblings’ cameras, and that is still the case. While she drops several reels of her new curly hair that make it look like a Vidal Sassoon shoot, photos from Warden’s fake but legally binding wedding show the REAL Josie with flat frizzy normal girl hair. Josie also decided to lean in to her Alyssa era by following up all of her coffee content with... you guessed it... numerous shots of clouds. I swear these artistic types... Anyway, she also showcases Miles saying a few words and takes all 4 kids to Costco so we can watch Kelton roam around in the suburban version of big game hunting while Josie tries to convince her followers that she wears Costco clothing. She still hasn’t said a word about a new house, but the Balkas do head over to Zach’s for what must have been a “What do we do about Katie” meeting with Carlin, Warden, Ellie and Whitney all in attendance. The outcome of the meeting is that Josie drops tons of “cousins are friends for life” content, along with filming fit checks that include Lydia and Ellie. Josie has years of experience riding the fence and keeping the focus on herself so if Katie wants to blow it all up... she’ll just take to her mirror and film a makeup tutorial and all will be well in her world. 4.Alyssa Webster heard that things were Rocky in Rocky Top and it was just the mess she needed to race back into town to see the fallout for herself. Luckily all 4 of her girls are forced to wear the same outfit and apparently they can all wear the same sizes so packing didn’t take much time and the Websters landed in the Stewart’s bonus room. Alyssa had 2 brothers getting married within days of each other, but nobody knows anything about Isaiah’s wedding so we can only assume she and her sitting room curtain dresses were at both. Alyssa and Lurch don’t have much time to hang out in Tennessee these days because they are also trying to hit up as many Conservative Christian events as they possibly can while they can still get tickets. Taliban Dan’s days in Congress are numbered, and just like she isn’t getting PR packages often anymore... she’s about to be dropped from invite lists all over TrumpLand when his predecessor takes office. Alyssa does manage to snag a picture with Warden at his non-shotgun wedding. It looks like she caught him sneaking off around the corner of the house and he’s dressed in full mourning clothes. Ellie is also dressed in full on black and appears to be the only attendant in the wedding party. Ellie is fast friends with Kaybrie for some reason and Addee nor JebJud are anywhere to be seen. The newest Mrs. Bates is eager to please and shares all about her first big day. Most importantly she needs everyone to know that this dress ain’t the only one she has. Apparently Kelly Joe found it on Facebook Marketplace. Doesn’t that seem... frantic? Why is KJ the one doing all this? Speaking of Kelly... she’s injured herself somehow again and has a finger wrapped up in a splint. Maybe she broke it wagging it in Warden’s face too hard? Kaybrie tags all of the influencer crowd and just thanks them profusely for making her newest/latest dream come true. She even allows her mother and sister to take a picture near her new inlaws. If you’re in the area and in the market for a cheap wedding dress, don’t buy this one bc guaranteed it is stained with the orangest spray tan ever known outside of the White House. 5.Remember during the big snowstorm back in January when Zach Bates inexplicably left his entire family and his heavily pregnant wife for a trip to sunny California? Now we know why. Dude packed up his arsenal of knives, his industrial sized vats of butter, mayonnaise and hauled half a cow to the left side of the country for a chance to be made a fool of on National television. He’s contestant #41 on a new Food Network show that also features Carnie Wilson and Dad Tok’s own stain on humanity, Jordan. Before he announces his latest shot at stardom, Whitney shows off the new $90,000, 8 seat Suburban Zach brings home. She’s absolutely thrilled about it, and we all remember that the last $100,000 SUV they had was a straight gift from God according to her. She has to thank her kids for this one because the last few years of exploiting them heavily is what allowed them to purchase this one. To celebrate the boys are forced to star in dad’s latest infomercial for some $700 wood fire pizza oven. He calls it a camp out, but it should be called what it really is... work. Whitney is off of maternity leave and back at her full time job of filming herself while driving, while in Target and while pretending to drink some grimy ass water enhancing powder. She starts every post by labeling herself a “mom of 6" and shows them all heading off to church where everything is linked, right down to the Bibles they carry. Whitney is also prepping for school to be out for summer and wants you to buy a tablet preloaded with some janky learning games so you can cut down on your kids’ screen time. Yes, please buy this screen so your kids will have less screen time. These folks never fail to disappoint. 6.Trace and Lydia were able to flee their tiny house and crash her parents Florida vacation for a few days. The Romeike family seem to be the most comfortable visa holding folks in the country right now. They are vacationing in other states, painting and remodeling rooms in their home and recently completed their high dollar, hand built barn. Not a care in the world. Momma Romeike and the Romeike kids are happy to show up in Lydia’s content. Before leaving Lydia posts a reel where she calls Trace her “cop husband” and says he can outrun her. The depths these women go to in order to find something to prop up these terrible men should truly be studied. Trace explained less than a year ago that he is only a volunteer with the Sheriff’s department as a reserve deputy so these people are practicing creative wording to the max. Lydia shows herself in more coffee shops editing together content that will eventually be an insomnia cure for some of us. Ryker has always hated the sand and the beach, but Lydia has learned to edit around that and baby Kaia is full on walking/stumbling around in a pair of oversized crocs. It seems as though Trace and Lydia’s time in the Stewarts’ world was short lived and they are once again pushed to the background. They can’t pick up any traction on social media, and their reels consistently garner less than 100,000 views. They won’t drop a YouTube vlog if they don’t have a sponsor and most of those seem to be on a trade basis. Trace always has time to golf though and Lydia is always in a brand new outfit. 7.The Queen of fundie skincare, Erin Paine, is working hard on new products to add to her store. Soon enough you will be able to coat your lips, hands and behind in scented cow fat, stirred up for you by the Chairman of the stay at home board, the professionally unemployed Chad Paine. Fresh back from a trip to Rocky Top where she posed with her favorites only, Erin took to Instagram for a little question and answer session that was really a well disguised ad. She asked herself a creatively worded question, “Do you speak to all of your sisters”... and then was able to honestly answer that with “Yes, of course”. Now we all know that “speaking to” and “getting along with” are very different things, but it made Erin think she had shut down all of the whispers swirling around about where she falls in the “90/10" split. She tells us that she would love living in South Carolina near Jane, that Chad is in charge of producing all of her tallow products and that is his one and only job and that her kids are all moving up to grades that don’t remotely match their ages. She answers all of this overlaid on a picture of Chad chasing her through a fruit orchard. Seriously, it’s a picture of this grown man in a full on sprint attempting to catch Erin as her dress blows in the breeze. She thinks it portrays whimsical love, but I think it’s the beginning of a Lifetime Movie. Erin shares another reel of the whole crew coming out of the front door of the rental house, headed to church. The rental house they’ve been in for about 6 months longer than they told us they would be. Maybe she can sell enough Moo-Mud to finally get that long dreamed of farm. 8.Michael and Brandon Keilen drop a new YouTube vlog where they speak in hushed tones while gazing admiringly at each other and tell the story of their youngest foster child’s first birthday. This vlog drops in the midst of Katie blasting her entire family for not standing with her, not supporting her and not helping her move. Is it any surprise that Saint Michael comes along to tell us all how eternally grateful she is for the undying love and support of her family? Michael fawns all over herself talking about how her family didn’t have to come to the party, didn’t have to buy gifts, she would have understood. Get out of here with this BS... what kind of person would say “yea, no thanks. We aren’t buying your foster kid a toy”??? Michael even focuses on her wonderful, amazing father and how he took the time to spend with his grandchildren and be so present and purposeful with them. Gil could certainly do with a little positive PR these days, right?? Brandon talks again about how much life has changed with the boys. He says they should have left them several months ago but they are still there with them, and they have no clue when they may leave. Before, they said adoption was not an option, but now they say if the opportunity were to arise, they would definitely adopt. Brandon seems to be more realistic than Michael. He talks about the sleepless nights, the lack of private time, how hard it all is... Michael just swoons and swoons while throwing around the beatitudes. This is a fluff piece orchestrated just when the Bates crew needed it most. Give it up for Michael for holding the party line even in the midst of the storm. 9.When the going gets tough... the tough head to a one bedroom condo in San Diego. That’s just what Tiffy and Lawson did, and they took Addee along with them. Nobody knows when they left, or when they will return because their content is harder to follow than a Donald Trump press conference. They are working on one month with no new vlog and the last one they posted was already old before it was even uploaded. Maybe Lawson is struggling without Travis around to guide him through his editing. Lawson does do a little preaching and posts some scripture about lacking wisdom and asking God when the answers aren’t easy. Not sure who he’s preaching to, but my bet is his sister. There’s lots of reels of their dumb “me man, you woman” content and Tiffy shares a reel of Lawson reading to the boys. Most of their content features Will on Lawson’s shoulders hanging on to the little bit of hair Lawson has. The child is nearly 2 years old and never allowed to walk, to talk, to run... or to wear pants. Will’s droopy diaper must really bring in the views for these 2. They do score an ad with Zillow and try to make folks believe they have moved to San Diego. Meanwhile, the only question that remains unanswered is where is Duke the dog? Bits and Bytes...Gil has been blazing in the pulpit lately. He tells his congregants that he would never choose to be one of those people trying to be famous on YouTube... he’d rather be an old time Christian. He also talks about not being influenced by the world, but to be influenced by God... later he tells them he has a big prayer he is praying, that he’s asking God for a miracle and maybe one day he’ll get it... meanwhile, Kelly Joe is busy applauding Carlin for selling a betting app and asking her followers to spend at least $30 for a chance to win some skincare items...Kelly also seems to be spending lots of time alone at Gil’s mom’s house...she wishes Carlin and Evan a happy 7th anniversary and Tori’s son turns 2. Layla gets her own post on Granny’s page for her recital, but there’s zero mention of Alyssa and John’s anniversary....Evan gets a $500 David Yerman bracelet for living with Carlin for 7 years...There is no mention of Tori, Michael, Lawson or Katie at the Wardbrie (Kayden?? Karden??) nuptials. There’s something just under the surface with the Bates crew, friends... I think we are waiting for the other shoe to drop. Have a great week! submitted by /u/dixcgirl10 to r/BringingUpBates [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/atrimarco to r/WomenGolf [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/atrimarco to r/golffits [link] [comments]

Women’s golf skorts have become a staple in modern golf fashion, offering a versatile combination of style, comfort, and practicality. Designed as a hybrid between a skirt and shorts, skorts provide the elegance of a skirt while ensuring the coverage and mobility of shorts underneath. This dual functionality has made them a popular choice among golfers of all skill levels. As the sport continues to evolve and embrace inclusivity and modern design trends, women’s golf skorts have transformed from simple athletic wear into essential pieces that reflect both performance needs and personal style on the course. One of the key reasons behind the popularity of golf skorts is their unmatched comfort and freedom of movement. Golf requires a full range of motion, especially during swings, bends, and long walks across the course. Skorts are typically made from stretchable fabrics such as polyester blends or spandex, allowing players to move naturally without restriction. The built-in shorts provide added confidence, eliminating concerns about exposure during play. Many designs also include elastic waistbands or adjustable closures for a secure and comfortable fit. This thoughtful construction ensures that golfers can focus entirely on their game rather than adjusting their clothing. In addition to comfort, functionality plays a significant role in the design of women’s golf skorts. Many skorts come equipped with practical features such as pockets for storing tees, golf balls, scorecards, or even small personal items like phones. Some designs incorporate moisture-wicking technology to keep players dry during warm weather, while others offer UV protection to shield the skin from harmful sun exposure. These performance-oriented features make skorts suitable not only for golf but also for other outdoor activities. The ability to combine utility with style has made golf skorts a versatile addition to any active wardrobe. Style is another defining aspect of women’s golf skorts, with a wide range of designs available to suit different preferences. From classic solid colors to bold patterns and prints, skorts allow golfers to express their individuality while adhering to course dress codes. Length options also vary, providing choices that balance modesty with modern trends. Some skorts feature pleats, wrap designs, or layered looks that add a touch of sophistication to the outfit. Paired with a well-fitted polo shirt or a lightweight top, a golf skort can create a polished and professional appearance that transitions seamlessly from the course to casual settings. The growing emphasis on inclusivity and diversity in sportswear has also influenced the evolution of women’s golf skorts. Brands are increasingly offering a broader range of sizes and fits to accommodate different body types, ensuring that every golfer can find a skort that suits her needs. Additionally, there is a rising focus on sustainable materials and ethical production practices within the industry. Many manufacturers are now incorporating recycled fabrics and environmentally friendly processes into their designs, appealing to consumers who value both performance and sustainability. This shift reflects a broader trend in the fashion industry toward responsible and inclusive design. In conclusion, women’s golf skorts represent a perfect fusion of fashion and function, making them an essential part of any golfer’s wardrobe. Their ability to provide comfort, mobility, and style ensures that players can perform at their best while looking confident on the course. With advancements in fabric technology, design versatility, and a growing commitment to sustainability, golf skorts continue to evolve to meet the needs of modern athletes. Whether for competitive play or casual rounds, investing in a high-quality golf skort is a practical and stylish choice that enhances the overall golfing experience. submitted by /u/Farhanamili to u/Farhanamili [link] [comments]

A buddy and I were talking about this on Sunday, I thought it was a fun question to think about and it'd be cool to see what ideas people had... If you were the Chairman of Augusta National Golf Club, what changes would you make to the Masters Tournament? It could be new traditions, changing things about the course, patron behavior, etc. A lot of ours included perks for the defending champion. Here's what we came up with... Champion's Tree: with coordination from the grounds crew, the defending champion gets to select a type of tree and location along the course for it to be planted at Lifetime Series Badges for Fifteen Starts: non-champions with fifteen starts (ex. Justin Rose and Jason Day), receive a pair of lifetime Series Badges as a reward for their decade-plus excellence. Gives non-champions that have contributed to the history of the Masters the chance to continue being apart of the event once their playing careers are over, without having to go into a media gig. It'd also be something for veterans who age out of contending have to strive towards earning at the end of their careers ANWA Champion Opening Tee Shot: the newly-crowned ANWA champion is an honorary starter, along with the legends, on Thursday morning - more exposure for the ANWA grows the women's game Pappy Stokes Caddies Trophy: winning golfer's caddie receives a trophy named after the famed caddie at Augusta National Golf Club - also symbolizes the progress made in opening up the game of golf/the Masters to new audiences and increased acceptance Defending Champion at Eisenhower Cabin: the defending champion gets to spend the week staying on-property at the Eisenhower Cabin Defending Champion's Garden Gnome: a few of the famous gnomes have the defending champion's Sunday outfit from the previous year on - either sold in VERY limited quantities, or just made for the defending champion to give out as gifts/keepsakes (imagine Jason Day wins one year wearing something hilariously absurd) Defending Champion's Nomination for Final Invitation: the defending champion has the right to nominate a golfer who didn't meet any of the qualification criteria for the final spot in the field (ex. could be Rickie Fowler this year, who's playing consistently well but slipped through the cracks) - obviously, ANGC would have final say on whomever they nominate Bowing to the 18th Green: I though when Shota Hayafuji (Hideki's 2021 caddie) did this in 2021, it was a very elegant and tasteful way to pay respects towards the course - would be cool if this was adopted by the champion, or golfers as they depart the course. A great symbol of the tournament's growth in popularity around the world, and the exchange of cultures that occurs at the Masters Maybe these all sound stupid, maybe not. What changes would y'all like to see? submitted by /u/Fine-Lifeguard-4234 to r/masters [link] [comments]

I love golf, but the typical women’s golf style is not me at all. I live in the gym, lift heavy, and wear black basically every day. Pastels, preppy polos, and “country club cute” just aren’t my personality. I’m trying to build a golf setup that matches my actual vibe. Anything darker, athletic, minimalist, maybe even a little gothy, while still being functional and within dress codes. I’d love recommendations for: • Black or dark golf tops, skirts, shorts, or pants that feel more like gym wear (I don’t mind a splash of color!) • Brands that lean edgy instead of preppy • Accessories like gloves, hats, bags, towels, headcovers, etc. that aren’t pastel or cutesy • Any gear that fits a strong, gym‑girl aesthetic on the course If you’ve found pieces that feel more “I deadlift before tee time” and less “I’m here for brunch in a skort,” I’m all ears. Thanks in advance!! I just want golf gear that actually feels like me. submitted by /u/Deadlift_Dolly to r/WomenGolf [link] [comments]

Anybody know where to buy cute golf outfits here? Pacsport and Empire have hit-or-miss options for girls 🥹 Also, if anyone knows who resells or where to buy Malbon Korea clothes, that would be much appreciated! submitted by /u/iLikeCherryBlossoms to r/GolfPH [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/SexyGolfGirl to r/AskReddit [link] [comments]

I've "reported" (I don't want to see this)also hidden & blocked tons of profiles. Is it because I may have a perverted friend somewhere? submitted by /u/Superfast_Goose to r/facebook [link] [comments]

Im currently finishing chapter 17/17. So far I give it 2/5 Scheana’s Fab enchiladas 🌯🌯 Intro Scheana claims she’s a people please and a trailblazer and acknowledges the contradiction. First mention of 🎤John Mayer. Chapter 1 She was born in West Covina (Editorial: Jewel of the inland empire and 2hrs from the ocean/4 hrs with traffic for any Crazy Ex Girlfriend fans; Scheana is Valencia), but grew up in Azusa. Her mom was 18 and dating casually when she met Raul in Vegas. He was an emcee and they made a tiny little Scheana. But Ron, the other man Ericka was dating wanted to raise Scheana as his own, so he stepped up. Ron and Ericka didn’t get married until Scheana was in 5th grade. And they wouldn’t live together until they were married so Ericka and Scheana lived in their own in a small apartment while he lived in his family home which had 7 bedrooms (giant house). Editorial- this made me say huh???? How was Ron raising Scheana with Ericka when he wasn’t even staying with them? 11 years is a long time to date without cohabitation after you agree to raise a child together. Scheana was obsessed with the entertainment business but could only see herself in roles where the kid looked like her- aka Jennifer Love Hewitt and Fergie from Kids Incorporated, Lacey Chabert from Party of Five, and Britney Spears. She took dance classes, played on the boys baseball team, and skipped third grade. She also said she competed on pageants for Hawaiian Tropics (ed:this was in the early life section- do they even have a kids competition for that pageant, bro????). Raul came around after she turned 2. He went to her sacraments in church, graduations, and a few bday parties. Says early life was good for her. Chapter 2 Scheana struggled at school with not feeling Mexican enough to fit in but also not feeling like she fit in with her two blonde parents (Ed- kids are fucking mean so I can see this. I was a blonde native kid and kids used to do the tomahawk chop towards me to make me cry). They called her white girl in a demeaning way. She wore long acrylic nails to school and lip liner and penciled in eyebrows. Her cousin got her a pager and people would send her nasty messages like “Die Hoe”. She never told her parents about the middle school bullying. Her mom had a miscarriage before Coco was born and the resulting trauma caused Scheana to believe she had to be perfect in order to save her mom the stress of worrying. She was threatened by a girl who was jealous that a boy liked Scheana and almost got in a fight. Even though no one was hit, she was suspended. However, she DID punch that girl later on and gave her a black eye. 🚨🚨🚨🚨 first mention of any cast member and it’s Rachel Leviss! “Yes,that’s the ONLY black eye I’ve ever given someone, despite what Rachel Leviss claims” (p15). Scheana went to a private Catholic high school where she was among the poor students and stuck out bc she wore the “wrong uniform” (ed- did I mention I also went to an all girls Catholic high school and was among the poorer students?? I get where she’s coming from wanting to fit in instead of standing out for weird things a kid has no control over). Scheana worked at Ralph’s for a couple weeks until she was fired for distracting the boys. (Ed- Oh Boy, I’m seeing a pattern here. Wherever she goes alllll the booooys loooovveee Scheana. She can’t help it! 😂). She became a hype girl at a speedway for car races. She met 🎤Kid Rock, Dante and Dion Basco, and Rick Gonzalez. She was a seat filler for teen choice awards and met 🎤Usher. She also mentions meeting 🎤Nellie last year. (Ed- Oh Scheana! You dropped so many names and we are still only in chapter 2!!!!!). She mentions Shay in page 18. Both how they met and carpooled together to school, and how they reconnected later on and reminisced about him meeting her grandpa. She dated a guy three years older than her from 14-20 and Ron was not happy about it. Then she confesses to having cheated bc she felt like he was giving more attention to the fire academy than her. She expresses regret. Chapter 3-🦉🦉 TRIGGER WARNING- SEXUAL EXPLOITATION CASE Scheana was 21 and going to a Christian university in Azusa for broadcast journalism. She was a waitress at a golf course (Ed:Good as Golf anyone?). She met a member’s son who worked for MTV and he got her on as an extra for 🎤Wade Robson’s dance party. She This is Scheana’s take on her Hooters experience. It is a sensitive but non-physically violent experience. Read at your own caution. No editorializing on my part for the rest of this chapter. Scheana wanted to work somewhere she could make better wages, so she applied to Hooters. The restaurant was in process of being built and the management team was working out of a trailer on the construction site. The hiring manager took her application and initial interview and then asked her to come back at 6:15pm to try on the outfit. She thought it was strange but went forward anyway. He had he change in a specific area of the trailer, which she again thought was weird but she did it anyway. He hired her in the spot. A few weeks later the police came to her home and informed her she’d been taped changing along with a dozen other girls and young women. Like 17. So Scheana heard from her uncle that Gloria Allred was representing some of the other women and she reached out. She thought it’s be good for her broadcast journalism career to learn how to speak with the media. She ended up the face of the “Hooters” girls. the perpetrator plead no contest and was sentenced to five years in prison. The victims received financial compensation. But Scheana felt deep shame both of the incident and dismissing her gut instincts, and over her participation in the patriarchy and a system that degrades women through objectification. I’ll be back with the next few chapters in a bit. It’s hard to read a book where life is always happening TO someone and they don’t recognize how their behaviors contribute to so many women wanting to slap them across the face. Chapter 4- Eddie The year is 2006. Scheana has just graduated college. She is struggling with her OCD after her grandparents all die within 15 months of each other, her uncle dies, and her bff from middle school. She had intrusive thoughts about losing her mom. Anyway, immediately left turn into working at a cigar club and meeting 🎤Eddie Cibrian. She was a waitress. He was a working actor. He didn’t wear a ring and she didn’t ask (Ed: there is a lot of justifications and wide-eyes ‘but I didn’t have access to an internet in my phone’ as to how she didn’t know he was married but like I grew up in Omaha Nebraska and knew he was married bc of tabloids while standing in line at the supermarket. I can’t buy any of what she’s selling here. See also Lala saying she didn’t know what a casting couch was- okay lady🙄). She went to Les Deux with him. She was also dating 🎤Jesse Metcalf. She spent her 22 birthday sober bc Jesse was sober. He let her pick out her gift and she chose Marc Jacob’s sunglasses. They hung out at home and he would serenade her. And then he pulled away so she went back to Eddie. He took her to “his” (ed: Brandi’s) cabin. He and his best friend helped her move apartments. They always hung out at her place. Finally after multiple people told her he was married, she finally believed it seeing Brandi pregnant in the newspaper. Eddie told her how much he enjoyed hanging out with her. She took six months off the affair. She started right back up with him when she came back to serving the Tuesday night crowd. He used every cheating husband cliche to convince her she was special and his marriage was over. He bought her diamond studs as an “I’m sorry” gift (Ed: young women can be so naive and dumb. Thank god for frontal lobe development)! He took her snowboarding in Mammoth. Enter LeAnn (pg 38). She called him while Scheana’s and Eddie were in the hot tub in mammoth (Ed: when his pregnant wife was at home alone with their other kid). Scheana mentions how BETRAYED SHE FELT when finding out Eddie was cheating on her with LeAnn (Ed: I can’t believe she’s 40 and still trying to play the sympathy card as the mistress of a man with many many mistresses. Gross). She realized from her own high school cheating experience that she would never do it again. She also felt like an idiot for not trusting her gut instincts again. So she decided to get revenge by tipping off the tabloids about her and Eddie (Ed: grooooossssss! So selfish). So then LeAnn was mad that Eddie cheated on her with Scheana (Ed: but neither of them once considered the woman pregnant with his second kid), so Eddie asked Scheana to sign a document saying he had never cheated in LeAnn with Scheana (Ed: convenient that she doesn’t mention how much she was paid to sign that document). She then apologizes to Brandi and her sons and takes a full accounting of why what she did was wrong (Ed: I was pleasantly surprised as the simplicity of the apology). But to distract herself, Scheana went to 🎤John Mayer’s house for a threesome (after he’d just dumped Jennifer Aniston) and they were casually hooking up for six months after that! After he got grossed out by her friend outing their relationship, he ghosted her. So she left the cigar lounge and started at Villa Blanca, which is why she says that if she hadn’t hooked up with John than VPR wouldn’t exist. Chapter 5- all the celebs Scheana fucked before getting back with Michael Shay 🎤Eddie, Jesse, John Mayer, Shemar Moore, Josh Hopkins, JC Chasez, Shane West, Jesse McCartney, Adrian Grenier, Ricardo Chavez , William Tell (Ed: LC is gonna be mad), and some NFl,NBA, and MLB players. Then she dated a normie who cheated on her which made her revenge him by going to Vegas where she re-met Michael Shay (Ed: AKA the only man to truly love Scheana). Scheana calls herself “such a whiskey girl”. The normie before Shay saw them together and immediately called herself begging for another chance. She told him no and a week later he killed himself. Scheana talks through a “dream she had” where he was saying it was a mistake, that’s he changed his mind too late, and he gave her a hug. She had kept an old Hershey’s chocolate sauce bottle and moved it from apartment to apartment to house to house until her mom threw it out which devastated Scheana. Bc it was the only thing left she had of Collin. Oh and every year on his bday she takes a shot for him. Bc she FORGIVES HIMMMMMMM!!!!! Chapter 6 Pizza girl. It’s about her appearances on a couple Disney shows and interacting with 🎤 Joe and Nick Jonas and with 🎤Ariana Grande on victorious. Scheana appeared in a couple episodes of The Hill’s as a friend of Stacie the bartender. Heidi apologized for having to be mean and for calling Scheana and Stacie whores and sluts”. Heidi said she had to do it for the show. Scheana started at Villa Blanca and immediately became friendly with Pandora. She messed up Ken’s order and was afraid she’d be fired. The Vanderpump Tods are particular with their wants. Like how LVP likes half a glass of Rose but she drink multiple glasses (Ed: was that an observation? Or a judgement on LVPs drinking?). Scheana shouts out 🎤 Tyler Perry as being an excellent tipper; he tips 40% of the bill! LVP was cast on RHOBH and the staff was scared she’d become a tyrant bc she was already so exacting with her demands, but they were pleasantly surprised she was much softer. 🚨🚨🚨 Second cast member mentioned and it’s Tom Sandoval (pg 58- oh god so much more to go 😭). They had similar interests including wanting to be in dancing with the stars. Ooops! Scheana dropped some names in the floor- she bartended for 🎤Dustin Hoffman, Priscilla Presley, Sharon Stone, Ray Liotta, LaToya Jackson, and Stevie Wonder. (Ed: I wish she’d tell actual stories instead of just name dropping. Yes, Scheana I met MC Hammer at an airport but he’s not in my imaginary biography)! She could make up to $1400 a shift, which was her monthly rent. They would party every night at VB , and she even smoked pot behind the counter with 🚨🚨🚨 Third cast member- Ariana (p 59). Life was fun and then she was asked to moonlight for the opening of the new SUR lounge. She was excited but nervous she’d end up in RHOBH. Immediately Scheana spotted Brandi and announced that it was her ex-boyfriend’s wife. Tina told her to go over and “make good tv”. LVP made her tray pass to the group Brandi was part of. Once Brandi recognized Scheana, LVP made her go home. On her way out, she met 🚨🚨🚨Stassi whom she liked and thought would give her some comfort. But once Scheana shared the details, Stassi was DISGUSTED and expressed as much. Stassi shared what Scheana said to the rest of the SUR staff and then Scheana said it made her feel bullied like in middle school. The news of the spinoff went through the restaurant and when Scheana was selected she went and got fresh Botox so no one would accuse her of getting work done later on and says if she had a plastic surgeon, she would advertise him openly (ed: guuuuuurl 🙄). Says she was LVPs favorite since the beginning of her employment bc Scheana’s a people please. Scheana felt like she couldn’t please LVP. Scheana admits she picked fights with the other girls thinking it was good tv and they’d bounce back into a friendly rapport later on. LVP often called her in the mornings to “tutor” her. She didn’t get these calls after she stood behind 🚨🚨🚨Katie (p64) after 🚨🚨🚨🚨James (p64) called Katie fact during pride. LVP wanted Scheana to support James so she wouldn’t have to fire him. LVP would indirectly ask (ed: sounds like Scheana is saying LVP manipulated her without being direct) to tweet in support of LVP (a housewife said LVP reeks of cigarettes). Scheana moved full time to SUR and calls Stassi, Katie, and 🚨🚨🚨Kristin mean girls for calling her a home wrecking whore (p 65). The mean girl behavior consisted of giving her the worst side work assignments, and not being friends with her (ed: again she says words but never tells any stories to back it up. Scheana seems mad that they didn’t want to be friends with her bc she asked for sympathy for being a scorned mistress. She seems ashamed of herself. And instead of dealing with it, she put herself as the victim). “Having my coworkers hate me for what I felt like no reason was very isolating “(p 65). But then Scheana went to perform at the Roxy, and saw Katie and Kristin cheering her on! She saw Stassi crying and extended an olive branch and they became friendly. She talks about how the mean girls wanted to ice her out to have her kicked off the show, but it gave her job security. Scheana decided to convince Ariana to join. She admits Tom and Ariana fit together better than Tom and Kristen and everyone knew it. Chapter 7- the Vow This is about Scheana and Shay. It boils down to she enjoyed his company and was too comfortable to break off their relationship. She ignored his over drinking. She ignored his lack of ambition. She would have had Katie in the wedding party, but they couldn’t get a dress on time. The wedding song issue (“I can’t help falling in love”en francais)- someone cued Tina in too soon and so the line “Take my hand” didn’t line up with Scheana’s dad taking her LITERAL hand. And that’s why the temper tantrum occurred. Scheana admits to taking Vicodin and drinking beer for a buzz (ed: insert picture of that toddler in the backseat of the car with the bunny teeth, and side eye for the exact face I made). Shay once took pills and got so blackout drunk he tried to walk home from Villa Blanca. They lived nowhere NEAR VB. Tom Sandoval said he’d given Shay an adderall before the wedding but he ACTUALLY GAVE SHAY ECSTASY!!!!!!! Shay stole Scheana’s Vicodin after dental surgery. He also stole meds from her dad and that’s when Ericka told her to wake up! Shay DMd with was BBW model (ed: Scheana- did you really need to shame Shay and shade the model for being 340lbish???). He also DMd with a cute punk girl aka “you on top of me”. Shay became erratic and Scheana became more and more anxious. He drained 6k from the joint account. Jax made Scheana cry during the s5 premiere party at Kristin’s. Scheana retorted that Brittany was too good for Jax and he said at least she hadn’t left him like Shay left Scheana. Shay thought he was coming home to film a reconciliation scene and she surprised him by telling him they were divorcing. She mentions being sad she couldn’t go to his mother’s funeral in 2023 bc of the VPR reunion. Chapter 8- ROB, ROB, ROOOOOOOOOOOB Scheana met Rob during her Jesse Metcalf days. Their first date was at Disneyland. She said she wanted to kiss him the whole day but he pulled away waiting for a special moment. Rob playing hard to get was his main appeal. She said he wouldnt commit, so they broke up and she shortly reconnected with Shay. She mentions thinking about Rob on her wedding day and what could have been. Once she dumped Shay, she immediately started fucking Rob. She admits to being obsessed and diving in head first. Against his concerns about editing he decided to do VPR. They had business plans. She was going to cohost his entertainment show. But then the conversation about Toca Madera happened on camera. Rob was with 🎤Jake Pavelka when Scheana told him about it and he blew up screaming at her. They rebounded and made it through the end of s6. They even continued to take business meetings together, once at the Mondrian which is where she met 🚨🚨🚨Janet Caperna. They bonded over leaving their marriages. Shortly after filming ended, on the day of his final fantasy draft, Rob ended the relationship. She called him stupid for dumping her the day before a girls trip to Atlanta for Brittany. She then continued to sleep with him for four months after he dumped her (Ed: I’m so thankful I had access to therapy in my twenties. I’m not so dissimilar in my struggles for connection and love like Scheana. I really hope her OCD specialist is helping her to learn she’s valuable just for existing). She also slept with three bachelor nation contestants. The fourth dumped her for a stripper. She used her partying with them in Vegas to fight with Rob about his commitment issues; she points out he is 42 and still single (Ed: dollars to donuts she still tracks his location). However partying in vegas with 🎤Kendra Wilkinson and 🎤Jai Rodriguez introduced her to producers of a show and she brokered a deal to take over after Kendra finished. She was approved by VPR for the three month run. It was what she needed to get a fresh start. At the end of the run, she moved into an apartment in Marian Del Rey that her mom found, and her new friend ,🚨🚨🚨Adam Spot, put her furniture together before she came home. She expresses regret for sleeping with Adam and ruing the relationship?ed: this is the only man she’s expressed regret for sleeping with. I don’t know what to make of it other than he might be the only man she’s actually cared about?). S7 made her worry she’d be demoted for s8 the way Kristen was. She was correct. Chapter 9 Jeremiah told her to be available for a call with Alex baskin before she was in WWHL with Andy Cohen. It spiked her anxiety because she’d heard Kristen remained demoted in s8. She called Alex and he confirmed she would be a day player instead of main cast. Her job was to bridge the world between the older cast members and a small group of younger staff. If she could do that, she’d be cast on both VPR and the spinoff which developed to what is now “the Valley”. Also, 🚨🚨 🚨 Carl Radke was in WWHL and spent the next day cheering her up. She was upset because she’d just purchased the Palm Springs house. She felt targeted bc she was a pushover. She opines that Stassi would have quit. LVP told her she was really counting in Scheana to help with the new cast. Scheana mentions being more bonded and friendly to 🚨🚨🚨Charli, bc Charli was half white- half Mexican like her. She disliked 🚨🚨🚨Dayna Kathan immediately. She was jealous of Dayna’s confidence. She was also “unaware “ that Dayna and Max were romantically involved when they went to Palm Springs and she gave him the “accidental” blowjob. But Max stopped her before they could have sex. Then Max told everyone that Scheana was the pursuer and he was the innocent penis. It upset Scheana that he played it as though he wasn’t a willing participant. When Dayna confronted Scheana about the situation, Scheana claims to have had a panic attack which is why she used her inhaler. She explained that she’d been demoted, she’d been replaced by Max, her career hadn’t been shown on camera while they featured Dayna’s comedy day one. Dayna and her came to a truce and even a friendship. Scheana also talks about her egg freezing journey and having to do it twice as the first time yielded fewer eggs than targeted. During s8 her hormones were everyone. Which is also when she brings up Brett, LVPs trainer and bar back at SUR. She had a shirt make out session with him and they agreed to pretend it didn’t happen. Scheana brings up the BPR editor that admitted to finding Scheana’s cringiest clips and stringing them together, aka- making it look like Scheana was hitting on Stassi’s 15 yr old brother. While Scheana was in-demoted for s9, she was re-demoted for s10. Chapter 10- Brock lied to Scheana three times when they initially started dating (Ed: this is humiliating for Brock that his wife is painting him as a liar from day one). They met at an after party Scheana was attending with a woman named DD that she was hooking up with. Brock initially hit on DD. The first lie was that he had a ticket to a music festival she was attending. At the festival he told her about his kids. Then they did the dirty dancing lift. Then he kissed her and she felt sparks. They went to a bar in San Diego with Max and played Good as Gold. That’s where people told Scheana to go spend time with Brock in the corner. They decided to go to another music festival where he arranged for the air bnb. At the air bnb they had ammmmmaaazing sex for the first time (Ed: she’s really painting the pic of just throwing him a bone bc she was bored and people pressed her into it). She realized he was missing a pinky finger and kept it to herself saying “I thought I was the awkward one” (Ed: WTF Scheana). Second lie was that a crocodile ate his fingers. Brock once flew to vegas to bring DD a jacket she wanted to wear for an event, bc Scheana told him how much DD wanted to wear it for her bday. She was making out with DD at the bday party. DD is the only woman Scheana’s hooked up with without a man being involved. Scheana says that Brock remembered that she always takes a shot for her friend that killed himself when she forgot, and chased her down with a bottle of Jameson to take said shot (Ed: I’m not saying this never happened, but I do feel like Collin- the friend who killed himself, and DD the tattooed girl lover don’t exist). They spent time going back and with from La to San Diego. He once picked her up from the airport in Australia and lifted her in the air (Ed: insert “sure Jan” meme as my reaction). Brock adopted Scheaner a koala. She met his mom and sister. Lie number three was he took her to Bali instead of heading home to the US. They became official and he almost ended the relationship over her making out with DD. She feels like Brock is STILL her person. Chapter 11 summer moooooooon Scheana wasn’t sure she wanted to be a mom until she spoke with a fertility doctor who said her levels were extremely low for her age. She mentions having been on birth control for her heavy periods at 12. The first round of egg freezing yielded under a dozen mature eggs, and little side effects. The second round Scheana experienced nausea and hormone swings. She had 16 eggs and planned on trying for a third round alongside Ariana when whoooooopsie! Brock knocked Scheana up. Unfortunately, the pregnancy didn’t progress beyond five weeks (there was no yoke sac). She was heartbroken to have to wait and pass the tissue naturally at home. Brock was in San Diego setting up his gym. Scheana felt alone in Palm Springs. He was playing golf while she was at home alone. Scheana mentions Lala and Rand were in town and while Lala asked if she wanted company, Scheana said no. Later that evening, Scheana texted Lala for comfort but Lala was occupied with 🚨🚨🚨Megan Fox and 🚨🚨🚨Machine Gun Kelly. Lala asked if Scheana wanted to join them for dinner and she declined. The tissue didn’t pass so she had to have a d&c. Scheana felt shame and guilt as if she had caused this. She called the miscarries mind fuck. They decided to wait and NOt try to get pregnant the next month….until the next month came (Ed: and so did Brock. Hey-oooooohhhh)! Following his deposit, she didn’t smoke, drink, eat raw fish or soft cheese. Indeed she was pregnant with🚨🚨🚨 Summer Moon! While pregnant she kept stress levels low by doing acupuncture and reiki. James and Raquel were the most frequent visitors as Raquel became Scheana’s close friend. She was induced at 39 weeks. She spent fifteen hours laboring before being put on a magnesium drip due to high blood pressure. Scheana started shaking intensely and Summer Moon’s heart rate started to drop. She felt selfish for inducing to be able to film s9 of VPR. She said that the doctors were able to catch her before becoming preeclamptic and having a stroke. She counted the seconds of silence before SM started crying- 45 secs. Afterwards, Scheana found out that she was suffering from HELLP syndrome. She spent five days at the hospital and only had three days home Before filming began. Chapter 12 Scheana is unlikely to carry her next child due to the trauma of childbirth. She’s open to adoption and surrogacy. Scheana talks about becoming friends with Lala and bonding over their daughters. It was during a trip to San Diego where Scheana blurted out an intrusive thought about SM choking. Lala reminded Scheana they’d taken CPR. They became safe spaces for each other. Lala seemed like a good mom to Scheana and it heightened Scheana’s anxiety about SM’s health and safety. Lala told Scheana that Ocean choked in a piece of fruit and Scheana reacted by cutting SM’s food into tiny mush chunks. Scheana went to her doctor and then a therapist who informed her about Post Partum OCD. She talks in depth about keeping her instagram at a certain number and deleting people if she was over (420)(Ed: fucking nerd). CBT was not helping therapy wise so she started EMDR. Scheana started exposure therapy like following as many people as she wanted in instagram, listening to tv at the volume she wanted, and taking SM to Disneyland. She said using the fast passes helped her manage the stress of dealing with the lines and SM. Scheana is now part of the International OCD Foundation. Chapter 13 Scheana talks about the proposal that we saw on s9. She recaps what happened on the show (Brock went to Lala and Randall for a surprise movie screening/wedding). She mentions that Brock didn’t want to overshadow James and Raquel’s engagement party, so he did a quiet proposal at home. Scheana recaps what happened in the s9 finale. She says they were in Solvang (ed: I thought they were in Santa Ynez). She mentions waking up feeling like they shouldn’t sneak away to get married (ed: ON CAMERA!!!! They always made it seem like it would be an elopement. I guess I never realized she wanted it on the show. Scheana……so selfish). Scheana says in the moment they thought the cast was happy for them but later when watching their interviews she was upset they acted disgusted with her tackiness (Ed: Scheana- bc it was WRONG and you put them all in an uncomfortable position. What a weird way to behave at 35). She said she felt “taken advantage of” by their reactions (ed: SCHEANA!!!! So. Fucking. Self centered). Scheana said that Lala and her faked the fight at the engagement party to take the heat off of Lala being pressured to tell James about Scheana’s (Ed: rude ass) behavior. Editorial- THIS BITCH IS THE MEANEST GIRL I HAVE EVER MET!!! How daaaaaare Scheana talk about Katie’s drinking. I’m quoting this directly bc of how she tries to pull Katie into the fray. If I were Katie I wouldn’t address it or say anything if Scheana is brought up. It’s giving “no comment” or “who” to me. “Predictably, Katie was into it, too, as she was always game to pick a fight with me. Everyone was happy. That was until Katie got overserved and couldn’t see straight. I swear if someone had asked her, she probably couldn’t even remember her name. I knew there was no way she was going to be able to pull things off and get her points across “. (P 160). Scheana says production wanted to get her wedding on camera for s10 so she and Brock decided to go to the courthouse and secretly get married. They filmed the whole thing in case VPR needed it and sold access to it on Patreon. Scheana thought she had job security but she was demoted for s10. She says it’s bc she was living in San Diego and Rachel was living in her LA apartment. Production said they didn’t care to have Brock around. Scheana dropped back to a day rate + 5%. She feels the show only recognized her value when she was beaten down. She recaps what was shown on the wedding episodes of S10 VPR. She adds that her wedding dress designer’s wife saw Tom and Rachel kissing by the elevator. She assumed it was Schwartz. She goes in on Katie not giving her room up bc Katie believed she “deserved a vacation” but had blocked Scheana from the Havasu trip (Ed: Scheana sounds so jealous of Katie’s lack of fucks to give). She says she realizes now that Katie was suffering from her divorce. Chapter 14 Scandoval hits. Scheana recognizes she not a good judge of character. She says her mom taught her to give people the benefit of the doubt. During s10 when the rumors about Tom and Rachel began, she thought Lala and Katie were overreacting. Rachel had told Scheana ache was into Schwartz to cover her affair with Tom. Schwartz and Rachel even discussed being each other’s NYE kiss, but when it came time, Schwartz hid in the bathroom to avoid her. Ariana wanted to go home and celebrate with just Tom as New Year’s Day was their anniversary. Tom suggested everyone come over to their house. Rachel and Tom continued to act inappropriately even in front of Ariana who confronted the pair with them denying. At one point Rachel and Scheana were taking dance classes and went to Dinner where Scheana pressed on the relationship. Rachel said nothing had happened, not even a kiss. She said Tom was her best friend, that he wanted to leave Ariana, but Ariana threatened to kill herself. Scheana asked if Rachel was in love with Sandoval and she just smiled. Scheana went home Brock yelled at her for thinking the worst of her friends. Scheana announced that Sandoval was her closest man friend. Scheana blamed Katie and Lala and Brock said they should Fuck themselves. She had lunch with Ariana and brought up Tom and Rachel and Ariana rolled her eyes and said “these girls won’t stay out of my relationship”. She told Scheana they’d been having more sex and things were really good between them. It was at this time when Rachel stopped sharing her location. Scheana confronted Sandoval outside of Tom Tom and he denied, yelling at Scheana that Rachel was like his little sister (Ed: thank god Sandoval has a brother). 🎤 Nema from Shahs of sunset told Rachel her energy was off. Then Rachel and Scheana went to NYC for press. Rachel blurted out Sandoval during a WWHL game about which Tom was hotter. Afterwards they went to a bar with some bravo friends. Rachel was wasted. She came out of the bathroom and Scheana could hear Ariana crying on the phone so she routed Rachel to privacy. Rachel admitted “Sandoval and I have been having an affair for seven months. Ariana just found out” (p 180). Scheana took Rachel’s phone and told Ariana she was sorry and didn’t want this to be true. Scheana was sobbing while Rachel stood there stone faced and blinking. Scheana screamed and threw Rachel’s phone in the street. Scheana screamed “how could you do this” and Rachel grabbed her wrist and whispered I’m sorry. Scheana pushed her, then Rachel came Back towards her so she pushed her again and yell that she couldn’t believe how disgusting Rachel was. Scheana’s friends overheard Rachel Talking to someone at the hotel saying Scheana reacted reasonably. Her story changed to assault after she spoke to Sandoval. Chapter 15 Scheana made more money during the Scandoval episode than her wedding episodes. She felt like an integral piece of the plot. She was worried that Rachel was spreading her side of being “pushed” to other people. Mutual friends said she’d never get legal involved, but she changed her mind after employing a crisis PR team. Scheana calls it reputation rehab and says the first step was revealing Sandoval taped an intimate moment without consent. All of the cast were sent cease and desists to their personal emails, instead of sending them to the cast’s representatives. Next Rachel went to a doctor to document her injuries , four days after the incident and in LA versus NYC where the incident occurred. Rachel claimed to TMZ that Scheana gave her a black eye and permanent scar. Scheana started getting panicky and upset and SM followed in her mother’s footsteps. Ariana and friends were heading to Mexico for her friend’s wedding and wanted to hide out at Scheana’s in Marina Del Rey, but the paparazzi was following them. They had to run through the neighborhood to sneak them through the side doors. Scheana talks about hiring a lawyer to deal with Rachel. They went back and forth negotiating a settlement, but Rachel’s attorneys decided to release a statement about Scheana not agreeing to their terms. Then there was the negotiation regarding the reunion. Scheana didn’t want to miss it bc it’s a third of her paycheck for the season. Rachel didnt want to attend at all. Supposedly Sandoval called Scheana and said that Rachel was in a Britney Soears situation with her family and then had confiscated her phone, but wanted to Let you know they might have video of you hitting Rachel”. Scheana was livid at him and wanted a video to exist to prove her innocence. ED- much like the Katie slandering, I’m gonna put this section in verbatim. If I were Ariana, I would no comment Scheana’s name. How dare she ask her friend, the person most impacted by the affair to read her mind about why Scheana was under 110lbs. This was while Ariana was having her world turned upside down and trying to survive. Shame on Scheana for shitting on Ariana for not being there for HER during Ariana’s nightmare reality. She has no sympathy at all and her compliments are obvious and hollow. “In the moment, a line was drawn in the sand, and my loyalty was to Ariana. Unfortunately, siding with Ariana didn’t ultimately preserve our friendship. In the months leading into season eleven, Ariana’s star rose as the world rallied around her postscandal, and a little distance emerged in our friendship. She’s not great at multitasking, and she was being pulled in a million different directions. Still, throughout this time, I was living in my own personal hell and I desperately wanted my best friend, my ride-or-die throughout ten seasons of VPR plus the two years prior serving up Big Pinkys at Villa Blanca together, to notice and ask what was wrong. She never did, and she still doesn’t know that my world came to a screeching halt shortly after hers did, for more reasons than Raquel’s restraining order. No matter how much distance has emerged, the love is always there. I will continue to support Ariana in everything she does and will always be cheering for her. She’s an enormously talented person, and I’m so proud of her. When I saw her play Roxie Hart in Chicago on Broadway, I cried tears of joy. She was amazing. After seeing her at her lowest, I’m thrilled that she was able to turn such a dark period in her life into so much light and success.” (P 194). Scheana then brings up how LVP was worried about Sandoval killing himself. Sheena said that no matter what he did, his crimes didn’t muster up to the death penalty. She didn’t think that being kind to Tom Sandoval would lead to Ariana and her no longer being friends. She’s choosing to stay cordial with Sandoval, despite him suing Ariana and continuing to badmouth her. She also said LVP and her relationship diminished because Scheana took a picture with Kyle Richard’s at a Christmas party. Chapter 16 This is the Brock cheating scandal. There were multiple blind items about him. He was scared the real story would leak- he cheated on Scheana while she was pregnant. She was so angry she threw a Rubik’s cube at him. He slept on the couch a few nights. She called his sister to scold him first, then her publicist, then took care of her lashes bc she had an appointment the next day, then to her mom to cancel babysitting. She went to Coachella with Brock, Ariana, Dan and friends. At some point Dayna and Scheana made out and Brock was outraged. Scheana said she was in revenge mode and it made her feel bad to make HIM feel bad. Scheana also starved herself into being under 110lbs bc she was so upset. Ed: I give up on trying to summarize the worst thing she could say about her friend Ariana during the worst period of her adult life. I’m going to put it in verbatim. It’s so gross and rude to diminish what your friend is going through. Ariana is in multiple lawsuits with Tom. And isn’t this YOU PUTTING BRICK ON BLAST?!?!? “People have said I was jealous of Ariana because she was on Dancing with the Stars and had all these amazing opportunities presented to her. But the only time during the Scandoval saga that I even got close to a feeling of envy for Ariana was related to the fact that she got to put Tom’s affair behind her without a legal union to dissolve or child to consider. While I never wanted to compare traumas, and our circumstances were different, I did resent that it couldn’t be so clean-cut for me. And as much as I wanted to put Brock on blast and feel supported during that dark time, this was Summer’s father—not just my husband” (p 203). Scheana says her ghostwriter submitted the blind items, had a mental health crisis, and quit. “Ariana had always been my person, my vault, the one who knew me so well that she could detect when something was off first—and vice versa. It surprised me that she never even noticed how stressed and sad I was. I feel like if she would’ve inquired, I would’ve opened up and trusted her. But I didn’t want to burden her with my family problems as she was going through enough on her own. A part of me also worried that if I did choose to open up about it then, that it would come off as opportunistic, like I was crafting a publicity stunt to elicit the support and opportunities that Ariana was receiving” (p 207) Ed- How is it that she really can put herself as the center of every experience? Chapter 17 Scheana worries about Brock leaving her if she won’t give him another kid. She worries no relationship will last. She worries about Summer Moon and not being a good enough mom. She worries about SM developing OCD. She was disappointed she was sent home on the first night of the Masked Singer. She said LVP set her up to build her empire and she had been afraid “Scheana with the connection to Eddie wouldn’t participate “ (p 221). And it’s done. submitted by /u/Narrow_Grapefruit_23 to r/vanderpumprules [link] [comments]

hello i just picked up golfing with my husband recently and im looking for afforable on amazon possibly outfits for golf? Im in the South if that helps its really hot here so something that is acceptable for golf ect and something that won't make you sweat? also what type of gloves for small hands ect? thank you! any tip would help :D submitted by /u/MissSweet89 to r/golf [link] [comments]

The most common things I hear are bars, clubs, coffee shops, library, and gym. But on Saturday nights I have no clue where to start. I’m 30 years old, most of my friends are married or in long time relationship so I can’t get a group together to go out like most others. Should I just go by self and just stand in a corner until I work up the courage to talk someone. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Edit: I'm compiling a list of helpful ideas from the comments below Set Goals for yourself Talk to someone new each day Be nice and talk to everyone Go to places frequently, become a regular member of said place Don't be afraid to go alone Go somewhere and just walk around for hours and find groups of people (popular restaurants, bars, mall, downtown, river) Walk around, don't just stand there Be approachable to everyone and have fun Don't act desperate or hitting on them, can flirt a little Smart Questions Compliment Details, not general statements Fun random goals Say Hi to everyone with red hair Cannot stand in one spot for more than 2 songs Compliment their outfit every 30 min. Dance to one song every 15 min. People Ask your Barber for ideas Ask friends Ask Friend's girlfriends and wives if they know of anyone Ask your Parents to set you up with someone Dating coach Hobbies/Clubs Run Club Pickle Ball Soccer Book Club Art Club Hiking Volleyball Ultimate Frisbee Rock Climbing/Bouldering Classes Dancing (Latin, Salsa, Bachata, Swing Dancing) Cycling Crossfit Yoga Pottery Art Cooking Languages Golf Lessons Activities Volunteering - Animal Shelter Social Events at Church Group Activities that forces to talk Speed Dating Dating Apps Meetup.com Sporting Events Places Latin Dance Clubs Dog Parks Church Local Shows ~ check local Facebook/Instagram pages and coffee shops Target Hobby Lobby Trader Joes Grocery Stores - when they are busy Golf Courses Farmer's Market Wine Bar Cocktail Bar Karaoke Bar Sport Bars Mall - window shop and ask people to grab a bite at the food court Nordstrom Macy's Book stores Habits/Ideas Talk to women and everyone without the intention of Dating them (hitting on them) Make a new "single" friend (wingmen and is more receptive for women) Work on yourself first foremost Get a Passport ~ Thailand Pick a character similar to you and act like them ~ James Bond Ask smart questions Work on something at the bar If you feel uncomfortable then you are doing it right Eye Contact - approach people who meet your eyes Look for people who are sitting Smart Questions Books How to Win Friends and Influence People ~ Be a friend or close to one Atomic Attraction No More Mr. Nice Guy submitted by /u/Extinction00 to r/AskMenAdvice [link] [comments]

Hi! I am not sure if this is allowed. But several people messaged me here in reddit asking what sizes do I have. Please see photos. These are all my personal stuff which I wore once, twice at most! Will fit small - semi medium! For sureeee 😊 Prices range from P100-P300 only except the brand new adidas shorts for men (size 30) because sa partner ko yun. We're selling it for P1,500. And the Adidas golf shoes for women's, we're selling it for P1,000. If you're a size 7-7.5, shoes will perfectly fit 😊 Hi mods, please let me know if not allowed, will take down 😊 submitted by /u/Closetconfessionsby to r/GolfPH [link] [comments]

I'm a female golfer and like most I hate allll the golf clothes. I started a golf brand so in all my research I have a huge list of new and established brands that are golf specific brands and/or sell some golf style opitions AND list includes their price points. So I figured I'd share so more girls have options. By the way, I'm an LA, pilates, matcha type girl who buys alot from Alo, Aritzia, Zara and Revolve on special occassions but even buy the cheap items from Tiktokshop, so if you're like me.. these are the brands you'll probably buy from. I left out the loud prints and outdated brands imo these are the trendy cute outfits: $90 to $100+ range: Sporty & Rich Malbon Golde Byrd (new) Gfore PXG Fore All (newish) Macade Travis Mathew Womens J Lindeberg Alo Camille Hind (new) $60 to $90 range: Wiskii Active Ren Club (my brand! & new) Athleta Lululemon Fore Te (new) Adidas Nike Wilson $40 to $60 range: Gold Hinge (newish), mainly just athletic skirts I feel like those brands are representative of my style I described above but there's loads more brands both new and old: Greyson Bad Birdie Barstool Sports (yes they have stuff and surprisingly cute) Fore The Girls (new) March First (new) Jaybird Sport Pirdie (new) Beldrie (new) Sierra Madre (new) Baleaf (on Amazon) Halara TuckerNuck Lily Pullitzer Beach Riot golftini Devereux Golf Byrdie Golf The following can only be bought at say Worldwide Golf Shop Stores or PGA stores: Lady Hagen Calia Slazenger Comment if I missed any brands you love! submitted by /u/Hello_Yellow123 to r/WomenGolf [link] [comments]

Yes, I totally get it. But as a noob constantly watching YT vids on how to swing and train my golf swing, I’m starting to get flooded with so many YT shorts with Korean women in totally insane, non practical outfits for golfing who swing golf clubs, and it’s annoying. Is this some sort of weird fetish in the golf community? submitted by /u/NOAEL_MABEL to r/golf [link] [comments]

My heart was racing. My knees even trembled a bit. I remember those feelings nearly a decade later. The nervous anticipation I felt as I walked across the hotel lobby and stood waiting for the elevator. I was wearing a little black dress, heels, and new lingerie. Everything about the outfit was out of character for me. I was nineteen years old and fit from years spent playing soccer and basketball. Nobody would ever confuse me for a model, but I’m not unattractive. I was a part-time student working my way through college. I had a job working at an upscale hotel. The goal was to work my way up to an assistant manager position to get some of that coveted leadership experience on my resume. The hotel was on a golf course and catered primarily to executive business travelers. It wasn’t the kind of place that your company puts you up when you're on the road. It's where the CEO of your company stays. We didn’t have a uniform, but were required to dress professionally. That was typically a blouse and skirt for me. The clientele often liked to get flirty with the help. It was our job to go the extra mile. We flirted back. We smiled. We laughed at every unoriginal bad joke. Not just the women. The guys would kiss ass, too. That kind of thing could lead to unwanted advances. Men often wanted to buy me a drink. The more confident ones would suggest more, like having a drink in their room. But I always declined. At least until the day I didn’t. He was a regular client. He had a European accent. I don’t know what he did, but he was at the hotel every other month. He always booked a suite. The starting price, back then, was $1200 a night. That night he got in around 10 pm. He was obviously stressed and complained about his day of travel. I was alone at the front desk. He mentioned he would use some company to help him relax. I politely declined. Then he offered me $500. The money was tempting. I was on a partial scholarship for sports and athletics, but it wasn’t enough. I was struggling to pay my bills and tuition. But $500 wasn’t going to make me sleep with a stranger. I told him there were clubs nearby where that offer would work. “I’m not looking for professionals,” he said. “I don’t like dirty women.” I declined again. He opened his wallet and started counting out bills. He had over $600 and a handful of Euros. He offered it all. I turned him down a third time. He persisted. “I can’t sell my virginity for $600,” I finally blurted out. I was sure he’d stop after that and be a little more respectful. But the opposite happened. He offered me $2500. Then $3000. Then 5k for a full night. I was overwhelmed. I told him I needed to think about it. But I also just wanted him to go away. I was on the desk again the next night. When he came by I accepted his offer. He must have expected it. He slipped me an envelope with the original $600 in bills and told me to dress well and buy new lingerie. I kept most of the money. I bought a dress on sale at Nordstrom Rack and lingerie at a boutique store. He got a room downtown in a different hotel.. I’d told him it was against the rules to socialize with guests at work. Every nerve tingled as I walked in. I’d never felt like I might be sick. He sat by the window after he let me in. “Undress,” he commanded. There were no niceties or ice breakers. I knelt to take off my heels. “Not like that,” he said. “Stand. Take your time.” I’d been a tomboy most of my life. I felt awkward. I didn’t want to blow it. I took off the dress. He admired the lingerie and told me to spin around for him. I did what he said. “There is nothing like deflowering a woman,” he told me.. “It’s special. To be a woman’s first. The one she will never forget.” He kept talking for what seemed like an eternity. I don’t know if he wanted to savor the moment or he was just full of himself and thought he was impressing me. I just wanted to get it over with. The actual act wasn’t very sensual. He was slow and methodical. He knew what he was doing, though. He wasn’t bad or selfish or hurried. He kept telling me how I would remember that night for the rest of my life. Obviously, he wasn’t wrong. At least not so far. He slept soundly after. I tossed and turned most of the night. In the morning he ordered room service, but I didn’t have an appetite. Dining with him wasn’t part of the agreement. The money didn’t last long, of course. At that age it seemed like a lot, but I had so many expenses with school. In retrospect, $5600 doesn’t seem like enough money to sell your virginity to a man who obviously got off on corrupting people with his wealth. But I wasn’t really a virgin anyway. I’d only said it because I thought he’d leave me alone. Who knew it would only lead to him upping the offer? submitted by /u/MyCocteauValentine to r/stories [link] [comments]

I have been "dealing" with my husband's addiction to chatting, porn, instagram, linkd in, etc. for about 8 of our 10 year marriage. I have a psychiatrist and psychologist that I see on a regular basis. I have just recently begun researching divorce lawyers as my options are better after 10yrs of marriage. I have kept evidence of his shenanigans. So yesterday, after catching him again, I td him I was fed up and considering divorce as he doesn't want to change, won't get help, he quit marriage counseling (walked out of our 2nd visit), and is basically an addict/ass and I was done. He said he has been seeing a counselor, who he cannot name, as that person wishes to remain anonymous (???) and the counselor told him, WHY HASN'T HE LEFT ME YET BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE HIM ENOUGH SEX. What the WHAT? My brain just stopped when I heard this. I first thought that no real, educated, licensed, PhD psychiatrist or psychologist who say this. And who would want to be anonymous? I'm thinking one of his golf buddies is his sounding board. This is just such total man crap. And I told him, I've not been having sex with him, because I don't want to put out a fire that someone else started!! He thinks in his man brain that he is entitled because we are married. That never occurred to me. Edit to respond to LinkedIn questions: All the people he is following are women: golf instructors (fit, attractive women in tiny outfits), life coaches (attractive woman with cleavage), mindset coach (attractive woman who streams he fitness routine while wearing a aports bra and shorts), a chic home decorator (hot girl who rates leggings), and the best "My Actress Gallery" (young girls in lingerie and bikinis with links to their private websites and instagrams). He makes comments about their appearance and sends hearts. submitted by /u/Tayter229 to r/TwoXChromosomes [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/SalesDude1112 to r/golf [link] [comments]

PART 3: How Justin went from Selena to Hailey to Kourtney to Hailey to Sofia to Hailey to Kourtney to...? Disclaimer: This is NOT a full justin relationship timeline. there are plenty of IG models (Chantel for example) and instances left out due to not being relevant to the timeline I'm covering. My coverage starts with the Jenners & Selenas fall out in 2014. I tried to keep it contained to the Kardashians/Jenners and their close relationships, which have always included Justin, at times Kourtney and Sofia, Hailey of course and by default Selena as well. I am aware I didnt cover everything Justin did, that would be a novel. LOL. And I'm sorry but this might end up being a 4-part series. Its just too messy. At this point if you've been following along, you know a few things by now: Justin didn't really care about what he was doing to these women he kind of just did what he wanted this entire time Kendall pushed Hailey and Justin together over & over again for two reasons, first was to sabotage Selena's relationship with Justin after what Selena did to her and Kylie in 2014, and second was to try to make her bestie Hailey happy I have had way too much time on my hands this week due to having it off work and because my actual job is data collection and content creation in marketing, making these brings me a lot of joy and I'm so happy y'all have enjoyed them too! ❤ Now, after preparing and doing research this morning for today's deep dive, I realized I missed something in October. October was a busy month for Bieber LOL. I bolded the new additions below: Oct 5th: Pics of Justin on a private vacation with model Jayde Pierce, where hes photographed naked, come out. Lmaoo. Side note here he genuinely just does not give a fuck abt these womens feelings its truly baffling i cannot LOL Oct 6th: Justin does a radio interview with a NZ host, when asked what the best part of his teenage years were, his answer is his relationship with Selena October 7: Justin and Hailey go on a lunch date Oct 10: Justin and Kourtney Kardashian go on a one-on-one dinner date to Mr. Nice Guy, an upscale hollywood restaurant that is loved by celebrities because of its "no photos/cellphones allowed" policy, allowing for discrete dinners and parties. They also went to a haunted theme park together afterwards. Oct 12: Selena does an interview saying shes in a healthy spot with her and justin, not angry anymore, says she wants the best for him, they see each other around sometimes, etc Oct 18: OVO Sound Radio releases a previously unreleased duet Selena and Justin recorded together Oct 26: Justin and Hailey stay out all night in Europe after EMAs So. We left off in December 2015, just about a week from the Hailey's birthday/AMAs afterparty incident where Justin left Hailey and partied with Selena. allegedly Kourtney was at his party as well. Kendall sent Hailey "Fuck Him" cupcakes the day afterwards, on Nov 23 2015. Justin and Selena are seen on dates twice in one week, Nov 21 and Nov 23, with one of these being a (hate to say this but) really cute intimate date where Justin sang Sorry & My Girl to Selena on a hotel bar piano. Dec 1 2015: Well, Justin being the shameless fuckboy we know him to be, posts this, about a week after the Hailey AMAs incident & his dates with Selena. Its a pic of him and Selena on a date from Sept 2014, captioned "Just a throwback calm down". Lmao Dec 4th: Selena and Niall from One Direction were allegedly seen kissing at a party, then seen leaving together. Selena tells media afterwards that nothing romantic is going on between them. Dec 6th: Biebers throwback apparently did not inspire Selena to reach out to him, so he decides to post this. Another throwback of Jelena, captioned "Crazy throwback". 🤣 And she must have still been ignoring him, because somehow he gets worse HAHA Dec 7th: Justin goes on IG and posts this picture of who we all now know is @/wolfiecindy on instagram, but this was before she blew up. He captions it "Omg who is this!!" Dec 9, Selena likes this photo on Instagram shading him Dec 11: Justin and Kourtney go on another one-on-one Friday night date to Mr Nice Guy. They go to the ultra exclusive Blind Dragon karaoke club together after and met a group of friends. TMZ reports that Kourtney went to the hotel Bieber was staying at afterwards, and is seen leaving the hotel alone at 4AM-ish. (Note: Headline is misleading, read the article, Kylie was not at the hotel, she was seen alone elsewhere, shopping at Saks. Lol.) Dec 13: This US weekly article comes out saying Kourtney and Justin have been hooking up 'on the low' for a while now. Also Dec 13, Justin posts this on IG with the caption "Lord knows", people take this as a dig to Scott Disick. Never got 100% confirmation the girl is Kourtney but people assume it probably is Dec 17: Selena pulls a Justin and posts a photo of a mystery man on IG with no caption. Remember this, it comes back later. Also Dec 17: More notable outlets report on Bieber and Kourtney being a casual 'thing' -->Sidenote: March 28 2015 (during the time Hailey wasnt talking to him due to him hooking up with Yovanna on his birthday earlier that month) Kourtney posted this photo of Justin and Mason together. Another sidenote: Corey Gamble is meeting with Justin often around this time, he is set to be Justin's tour manager for the Purpose album tour, which is planned to run from March 2016-Sept 2017. Dec 27-31 2015: Justin brings Hailey on a family vacation with him. Lots and lots of pics & videos are posted on his IG of them at this time. 2016: Hailey ->Selena -> IG models -> Kourtney -> IG models -> Hailey? January 1st 2016: TMZ reports Hailey & Justin shared a NYE kiss on vacation. Hailey posts and deletes this image, which she captioned "New Years." Jan 2: Justin posts this pic of Hailey on his IG Jan 3: This is the photo that.... well, it didnt break the internet but it did cause a loooot of rukus. Justin posts this pic of him kissing hailey with no caption. Shes tagged so theres no confusion on who it is. This is the first time they've publicly shown any type of actual PDA/relationship confirmation. He also posts this photo of them Jan 4: Selena does an interview with Rolling Stone. She gets asked about the November video of him serenading her. She responds, "What I would love to be printed, is that I am so beyond done talking about that, and him." Oof. Jan 5: Justin does an interview with The Bert Show where he gets shown the IG pic that Selena posted of the mystery man, to which he says: ""What is she trying to do to my heart right now? I'm just kidding. She loves me. I love her, too, always. Who's this guy? He's a joke! This guy's a chump. Nah, I guess he's pretty handsome actually–I can't even lie." LMAOOO. HATE him!!!!! He also discusses the Kourtney rumors, he says "I'm being used, man. What can I say?" then laughs and goes "Nah, we'll leave it at that. For real though shes great and Ive known the family for years." Note: Apparently this interview was recorded December 17, but was not published until Jan 5th. Jan 13: Sources go to media and report that Hailey "gave Justin an ultimatum" and demanded he "stop stringing her along". Jan 18: Haileys dad for some reason joins in on the circus and tells media that they are NOT dating and are 'just friends' Feb 3 2016: Selena tells W Magazine, when asked about Justin, that she is "honestly so done. I care about his health and wellbeing, but I cant do it anymore." Feb 8: Superbowl festivities together, sources here say theyre dating Feb 10: Hailey tells Entertainment Tonight that she loves him. (commenter from the last post who said they heard Hailey told JB she loved him on NYE - U were probs right!) February 11: Hailey tells E! that her and Justin "are not an exclusive couple." Then adds, "He's about to go on tour. Relationships at this age are already complicated. Our relationship is between me and him." February 12: Justin spent 2 days with a GQ journalist for an article. Some quotes/notable sections include: Him saying the song "Sorry" wasnt an apology to the public for his bad boy behavior, it was an apology to a girl. He is then walking about, doing what sounds like hours worth of random activities with the journalist. Shows this tattoo to the journalist and says, "This is my ex-girlfriend...So I kinda tried to cover her face up with some shading, but people still know." At one point late in the day: "Is she in my room?" Bieber asks his bodyguard. They head to his room. Per the article: " When we enter, Hailey is wearing a black crop top and tight black pants, sitting on a pristinely made bed. She is doing nothing—no TV, no book, no phone, no computer, no music, no oil paints, nothing." They spend about 30 min in the room, he plays some of a new song to them on his guitar. From the article: "Bieber and I head for the hotel courtyard, leaving Hailey alone in the suite." The interviewer asks if theyre dating, Bieber shakes his head no. "Is she just a friend you kiss sometimes?" he asks. Bieber replies, "Uh-huh. I guess so." LOL. Journalist notes here that days later, before the article was published, Justins team reached out and asked him to add this to Justins description of Hailey: “she's someone I really love. We spend a lot of time together.” Bieber ends the relationship talk by saying he doesnt want to be tied down, especially since hes about to go on a world tour where there will be "women around". Feb 28 2016: Justin has an LA birthday party at a millionaires mansion, Kardashians & Hailey are in attendance March 1 2016: Justin and friends, including Hailey, Kourtney, Kendall and others, party at a ski resort for his 22nd birthday March 6 2016: Hailey again says they are NOT dating. March 9: His Purpose Tour officially begins... AND SO DOES THE MESS!!!! ​ Note that there is going to be more gaps in timeframes here because his tour was nearly back-to-back shows 3 weeks of every month March 19: Justin posts a pic of him & selena kissing from like 2011 or something, captions it "Feels". Y'ALL. LMAO. March 19: Selena comments on the picture, says "Perfect." LMAOOOO Bruh March 20: Justin has his first of 3 shows at the Staples Center in LA. Hailey attends and is with him backstage. She is seen at a club afterwards wearing a Purpose tour hoodie. March 23: On his final night preforming in LA, Selena attends his concert and joins him backstage. Kendall, Kourtney, Kim and Kanye are backstage as well. March 25: Hailey posts weird IG quote, limits comments on it March 28: Justin had the Staples Center rented out for a private date with Selena to screen the movie Titanic. He cancels it last minute due to a suspected argument between them. Staples Center employee is later revealed as the leak for this story April 3 2016: Justin and Selena pass each other at the iHeartRadio awards & dont speak at all. Sources say Justin brought Hailey and tried to hide her backstage but Selena found out.LMAO April 4: Justin posted this cover of Kendall, calls her beautiful. I think he throws Kendall into the mix whenever he wants to make another girl jealous, lol. Dont think theres anything there. April 11: Hailey tells Marie Clare that "it's hard to date someone in the industry. You have to block out the extra noise." when asked about Justin.(So yall ARE dating?? lmao) Apparently, around this time, rumors in hollywood said Selena was secretly starting to date. Charlie Puth, which he denied at the time but admitted to later, saying she was clearly in love with 'someone else' while they dated May 2 2016: Justin cancels his Met Gala appearance. Hailey and Selena are both present. Justin attends a Met Gala afterparty to meet up with Hailey. Selena cancels her planned attendance there. May 6: Hailey brings parents to Justins concert May 7: Selena and Orlando bloom hang out again! May 9: Selena grabs a "MARRY JUSTIN PLEASE" sign at her concert and crumples it up May 18: Hailey quote RTs someone shes friends with posing with a cardboard cut out of Bieber, hailey captioned it "mood" May 20: Hailey says theres no feud or bad blood between her and Selena. May 25: Justin takes model Nicola Peltz on a date to Mastros Steakhouse. May 30: Justin takes Nicola on a date to mini-golf June 1 2016: Rumors that Drake and Hailey are seeing each other after being spotted out. Hailey says theyre just great friends Jun 6: Sigh... Justin refollows Selena on instagram June 14: Nicola is in Toronto with Justin June 22: Reports that Nicola has been staying overnight w/ Bieber regularly July 3: Justin brings Kourtney Kardashian to his booth at a club in Miami and they party together all night July 4: Justin and Ashley Benson are seen together on a yacht, his friend Ryan and two other mystery girls are there. He is seen all over the place in just his white Calvin boxer briefs lmaoo July 5: Justin seen on a yacht with model Alexandra Rodriguez (note: whenever there are 2+ week gaps in the timeline its because he has back-to-back tour dates during these time periods) July 20-21: Justin rents a movie theater for him and Chantel Jeffries, shes seen leaving his hotel the next day in same outfit as night before. This guy is UNREALLL LOL Justin has all of August(minus 2 Asia & Europe tour dates) off from his tour. So you guessed it: Mess. Introducing Sofia Richie! But first, more IG models. August 1 2016: Off to a hot start for the month, he posts this video of a bunch of models in a pool. No caption needed i guess? August 2: More models, no caption. Apparently he flew a slew of girls out to Hawaii for the first week of August Aug 5: IG model in attendance Sahara Ray is rumored to be dating Justin. Justin also posts pic of him naked, captioned "dat ass". this got taken down by IG Aug 7: Justin and Sofia holding hands on the beach, first time theyre seen together Aug 10: Aug 11: Sofia richie seen leaving Justins house, early morning. They hang out again later in the day and get on a private jet together August 12: Fans spot Justin and Sofia in Japan together getting close. He has shows here on the 13 & 14th. He posts this pic & this pic with her on IG August 14: Justin posts a bunchhhh of pics of him and Sofia on IG, notably this one, with the caption: "I'm gonna make my Instagram private if you guys don't stop the hate this is getting out of hand, if you guys are really fans you wouldn't be so mean to people that I like". Comments disabled for all of these Aug 14: Selena comments on the above pic LMAO girl!!!!!! She basically says if you cant handle the hate then stop posting ur gf. Justin replies saying selena "used him for attention, Sad! All love." She replies saying he "cheated multiple times. Sad! All love." Im summarizing. Full comments from each can be seen here. August 15 - Bieber deletes his Instagram. NOTE: He doesnt reactivate it until February of 2017. Aug 15: Hailey posts and deletes a long quote about misplacing blame on other people and not manipulating situations to make yourself look better... no idea who she was throwing shade at but whatever. Boring Aug 20: Justin parties with one of the Hawaii models in London, they are photo'd leaving in a car together Aug 30: Selena announces she is cancelling the remainder of her tour(set to go until Dec) and needs time off from the entertainment industry for her mental health Sept 9: Sofia publicly confirms they are dating and gushes about how special he is Sept 19: Sofia and Justin break up Sept 20 2016: Hailey and Justin go on romantic date together in Paris. Y'all. I HATE IT HERE October is uneventful because Corey Gamble(remember: tour manager) set him up for an absolutely grueling month of shows. Seriously. I obviously dont like this kid but that schedule looks brutal Oct 23: Justin tries to have an intimate talk with the crowd and they kept screaming over him and when he got upset that he couldnt talk over the screams, they started booing him. When he sarcastically said he'd just stop talking they cheered. He storms off stage after this. The article has videos and a lot more context and its actually kinda sad. He apologizes to fans in a series of deleted tweets saying that hes sorry and he isnt a robot. November is pretty silent,, again probably because of the packed tour dates. Hailey goes on a date with Bella Hadids brother, or something. Selenas rehab stint is from August 30-Nov 30 so nothing there. Some rumors Bieber reached out to her but who knows. Nov 23: Justin punches a fan in Barcelona that tried to reach inside his car. Media crucifies him for this one lol, brutal. No dates or late nights out these last two months, im guessing tour exhaustion is setting in. Luckily hes done for a bit after November wraps up! Note: December & January have NO tour dates. Dec 1: Selenas out of rehab. Dec 3: Hailey say she vows to keep love life private in the future Dec 5: Justin says hes single and not really looking Dec 12: Justin goes on a hike with Madison Beer. There are dating rumors but hes known her since she was 15 so I dont think there was anything romantic there. Hopefully.Lol Dec 18: Andddd shes back!! Lets all hold the applause for Hailey Baldwin here - she managed to hold out on seeing Justin for EIGHTEEN WHOLE DAYS since his return from his world tour. Theyre seen together at a hollywood club. Dec 19: Justin gets on private plane with mystery woman, later revealed to be our very own Kendall Jenner! Turns out they were going on a christmas trip with friends. Dec 27-31: He spends NYE in Barbados with his dad and little sis. No girls this time. Jan 11 2017: Selena and Abel (The Weeknd) are seen kissing on a date! Jan 16, 2017: Kourtney and Bieber reunite for a night of clubbing together Jan 18: Kourtney "calls off" fling with Justin,lol. I dont think theyve ever had a romantic relationship honestly.. he just uses kendall and kourtney to make girls jealous i think. Hes also close friends with them and they know its good publicity for them too. ​ *Deep Sigh* I will have to take a pause here... I thought I'd be able to cover it all in one final post but obviously i cant. Although I AM ALMOST NEAR THE END HERE. Fall and Winter of 2017 as well as the first 3 months of 2018, Jelena back in full force. Mid-2018 is the Hailey proposal. Ill cover some post-marriage tea as well. 2017&2018 are hella messy. Stay tuned... I should have that up by Sunday sometime Love u all lots for all the love and nice messages you have sent!!! I feel honored to be able to make something you guys enjoy - See ya soon!! submitted by /u/ibeendrakein to r/KUWTK [link] [comments]

Dear r/pettyrevenge, this is posted elsewhere, but I suppose I should share here. I understand it is long, but it exudes pettiness and passive aggressive retaliation. TLDR: Karen Accused My "Heathens" of Waking Her Child; Now I Wake Him on Purpose! My crib-midget has evolved into a min-human, and my mini-human is now in an adult male body which is, unfortunately, still outfitted with a teenage brain. Don't worry though, he knows everything! I myself have a late-30s model body, but my teenage brain is coming along well. That said, my loving wife is still able to maintain her sanity with 2.5 boys and .5 male adults in the house. However, the house was too small and we needed more leg room. We decided to move on up! The new house is everything we wanted. There is ample room for the growing family. The boys would conquer the upstairs, and even have their own bathroom to grow "science experiments." They occasionally fail to brush their teeth but you can most certainly count on them to piss in/on everything except the toilet. Cake, my 11YO mini-human, shares my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and keeps his room in working order. Kelly, my 15YO Man-Child genius? Well, just don't touch that sock under his bed. Typical boy-shit I suppose. My wife and I now had a backyard. We had a two-car garage to store her Christmas and Halloween decorations. The neighborhood is gorgeous, and I can literally walk to the clubhouse and play a round of golf. The cul-de-sac we live on is dominated by currently serving or retired military families. Everyone was extremely welcoming at the Home Owners Association (HOA), and the neighbors were all friendly. Well, at least for the moment! I have read about neighbor horror stories. I have seen them on television. I never in a million years thought I would live next to "them". I am a gunfighter by trade. Believe it or not, I don't like war. I like my job, but I don't enjoy the carnage of war. I am a realist though. I would totally cast my ballot for World Peace; but I know it only takes one asshole to ruin it for everyone. My immediate neighbors became those assholes. Enter the Entitled Parents: Kevin and Karen. They seemed nice at first. They were both really helpful, especially Kevin. Kevin had served in the Air Force, and Karen was a stay-at-home mother. They enlightened me regarding the neighborhood, the quality of the area schools, and told me the tips and tricks to avoid any hassle with the HOA. Fucking great, right? Coronavirus (COVID19) Zombie Apocalypse The onset of COVID19 forced the school district to cancel the remainder of the school year so the boys didn't turn into zombies. However, the mass hysteria allowed my humanoids to become semi-professional Fortnite gamers, whom smelled like ball-funk, and survived on soda and Zebra Cakes. They were quickly becoming chubby-bunnies. I, being neighborly, informed Kevin and Karen that I would be in the market for a portable basketball hoop to combat childhood obesity and Type II Diabetes. Side Note: I remember shit. It can be quite literally a matter of life or death in my occupation so I remember things vividly! OP: Pleasantries, some other words, "I am thinking about getting a basketball hoop for the boys." Karen: That's great. It's so good to have young children in the neighborhood again. Kevin: You know you can't put it in the street right? It is against HOA rules. (Kevin is a rules guy!) OP: Well-aware. I will be putting it on the back pad. Karen: That's great. If the ball ever goes over the fence just tell them to come get it. Awesome! It was a positive interaction, and they had no issue. Onward to Walmart! My children are well-behaved. They may act like little shit-heads to each other and inside the house, but they are both kind and courteous to others. Despite Karen's instructions, I told them to knock on the door if the ball ever goes over the fence. So they did. First Bounce-Over My Door: Knock. Knock. Knock. OP: Hey Kevin. How can I help you? Kevin: (Annoyed) The ball went over the fence. OP: Did the boys knock and ask to get it? Kevin: Yes. I just wanted to let you know. I spoke to my wife afterwards. "That was odd," was all I could think. Is the guy going to let me know each time the ball goes over the fence? Maybe I should knock on his door? "Hey Kevin. Just wanted to let you know that your car is parked in the driveway." This process quickly became a routine for Kevin; Kevin became a self-licking ice cream cone. Kevin came over six times over the course of about three months. My wife began keeping tallies because it was odd and, but somewhat comical. Then shit started to get real. Cake came running in the house scared. He had tears in his eyes, and he was continually reiterating, "I didn't do anything wrong." Nobody has accused me of being "Worlds Best Dad" so I was wondering if he did in fact do something wrong. I forgo waterboarding Cake, this time, and ask what he is talking about. Cake stated, "Karen is recording me." What? I look outside and sure-as-shit, I see Karen, at the fence, and pointing her cellphone at me as if it was a loaded gun. I think, "well fuck my tits," because I know my wife is going to lose her shit. She did! My wife is dainty, but she quickly turned into a 4'11 Muhammad Ali. Man, it took every fucking ounce of verbal reasoning for me to stop her from physically rearranging Karen's face-meat . In addition to remembering things for work, I have to be well-read regarding the laws that govern me as an American, and the locals laws. I knew Karen's tactic to scare and record Cake was immoral and unethical, but it was perfectly legal. This didn't sit well with my wife though. I reminded the wife that I have a doctorate in revenge from Fuckery University (FU), and this would not go unanswered. I can be a prick too, but I am a methodical prick. I did my best to erect makeshift barriers as a temporary solution. It was not perfect, but at least it showed that we were doing everything in our power to prevent balls from going over the fence. I also submitted plans for a permanent structure to the HOA. I was going to build a hanging herb garden wall, but it required approval before construction could start. The typical approval timeline was two weeks, but in addition to shitting on earth, COVID19 also shit on the approval process. I was in limbo. Tragically, another basketball fell victim to the senseless violence. It was the ninth basketball in approximately eight months. The kids were terrified to ask for their basketball back, and it wasn't even worth the hassle anymore. That didn't stop Kevin though. Ninth Bounce-Over Knock. Knock. Knock. Ken: OP HOME? Wife: Yes, but he injured his back. How can I help you? Ken: Get Sloppy please. (I should mention that Kevin is outwardly sexist and is not a fan of "coloreds".) Wife: Kevin, Sloppy, can't even walk right now. How can I help you? Ken: The basketball went over the fence again. It needs to stop. They need to stop playing basketball. (He was now telling my wife how to parent. Good luck buddy!) Wife: I am sorry the ball went over the fence. We continue to tell the children to be careful, but I am not going to tell them they can't play basketball in their own yard. Ken: You'll tell your boys to stop playing. If the ball comes over the fence again. We are calling the cops! Tell your boys to stay out of our yard. They're trespassing! Wife: If you want to call the cops then you go ahead and do it. However, the boys DO NOT go in your yard at all anymore. I was losing my shit in the bedroom. I could hear the conversation, but I physically could not make the front door. I managed to slide off the bed and began my Army-crawl to the door, but I was late. My wife was fuming and I was pissed, and pathetically crawling on the floor. Yay back injuries! We had no intention of starting a war, but the boys were doing nothing wrong. We had informed Kevin we were getting a hoop, and they had zero issues with it. What the fuck was going on? Tenth Bounce-Over The cops are called! The OP CITY Police Department (PD) sent two cruisers. The children may be 11 and 15, but all be damned if they don't go down without a fight. One cruiser was not going to suffice, you'd better send two for my miscreants. I just sat in my garage man-cave and watch it all play out. The cops go to the neighbors house first. They are there for more than a hour and I can only assume we are being painted as horrible neighbors. Oh well! It is now pitch dark outside and I was startled by the time an officer approaches. Officer John Kimble: Hello? Sir! OP: Holy fuck! You scared the shit out of me! Officer Kimble: Sorry, Hi, I am Officer Kimble with OP CITY PD. How are you doing this evening? OP: Typically I would say fine, but I don't typically have a cop in my garage. Officer Kimble: I understand. The reason we are here is because the neighbors called about trespassing. Now, they said nobody went in their yard today, but they want you to understand they will press charges next time. I was baffled. I did my best to maintain my composure, but I am certain my face was screaming, "Are you fucking serious?" Officer Kimble then pointed at his body camera and mouthed, "Recording," and then gave me a "thumbs up" gesture. I immediately seized the opportunity to fuck with him. Sorry, it's in my nature. OP: Do you want another beer? You can't just drink one! Officer Kimble: (Laughing) WHAT? I didn't have a beer with you. OP: (Laughing as well.) I'm kidding, and we are fully aware of their intent to press charges. I will be sure to do my best to prepare my boys for the rigors of prison life too. I think jail will be good for them too; may even toughen them up a bit! Officer Kimble: (Laughing) Okay Sir. I just want to ensure that you are aware. Ideally, we would like to see neighbors talk things like this out, and not call the cops. Unfortunately, this is what it's come to. I just want to ensure you are aware. OP: Tracking! Officer Kimble: You have a good evening Sir. OP: Thanks. Officer Kimble then walked back to his patrol car. He didn't leave though. I assume he was just finishing mundane paperwork, but he was there for at least 20-minutes. Then, much to my surprise, he returned, and was a completely different Officer. Officer Kimble: Hey man! OP: Back for that beer? Officer Kimble: (Laughing) NO! Sorry man! I have to play the game for the body cam. OP: I hear you. I occasionally wear one at work, but it only cuts back on my cussing. People still get shot! Officer Kimble: You Army? OP: Yup! Officer Kimble: Cool. What do you do? OP: Shoot fist, shoot often, and have my story straight before the cops arrive! Officer Kimble: (Laughing ) I figure as much after looking at all your stuff here. I just wanted to talk to you without the camera. They really seem eager to press chargers if your children are caught in their yard. OP: (Laughing.) My wife and I have concluded that. Officer Kimble: That lady is bat-shit crazy. My God! She demanded we arrest your children tonight! OP: Tonight? Officer Kimble: Yes! She said they trespassed before, and she wanted to press charges now. OP: (More laughing.) I am sorry you have to deal with this brother. I really am. I can ensure you that they have never gone in their yard without permission. Not once. They are terrified of her. She taunts them from the other side of the fence and records them. Seriously, they are scared of her. We now chalk the balls up as a lose. Officer Kimble: I believe you. There is something not right with that lady. She said the basketball wakes her son up, and she will not hesitate press charges. I told her we would do our duty, but I don't think the magistrate will not view the situation kindly if we arrest two children for playing basketball. She clearly does not care though. I just wanted to chat with you, and without the body cam. I can't exactly call her crazy while it is running. Officer John Kimble stayed for another hour. He was impressed with the collection of war memorabilia and the setup of my garage man-cave. He was specifically intrigued with my Nintendo and working copy of Mike Tyson Punch-Out, among other classics. Yes it's certainly fucking cool, but it has little to do with the story. SHIT, MET FAN! My wife was mowing the grass, and I was currently doing shit I never thought would be a priority of mine; planting a new flowerbed. Kevin and Karen had just returned from another Chick-fil-A run. Then the unthinkable happened. Kevin exited the car and immediately approached me, and he was angry. Kevin: Your boys went into my yard and got a ball today. They may think we didn't notice, but we did. You need to tell those boys to stay out of my yard or... OP: Wait a fucking minute! I don't tolerate people who lie, cheat, or steal, and you are lying right now. Kevin: Your boys were... OP: We were at an all-day soccer tournament in DIFFERENT STATE. We have only been home for a couple hours. They have not played any basketball since we have been home. You're lying! Kevin: Well, we are sick of them getting balls from our yard without permission. OP: Look Kevin, I get it! However, you fail to recall when your wife said the boys were more than welcome to go in the yard and... I didn't even get to finish when I heard the screech of Karen. I know my writing style is "different" to say the least. I wish I was better. I do not have the words to accurately articulate the sound Karen made, but I will do my best. It was like the tyrannosaurus from Jurassic Park making love to to a nuclear explosion during a tornado, but way fucking louder. The only thing that honestly makes this worse, and I fucking kid you not, is that she is a dead ringer for Carole Baskin (Tiger King.) Not "maybe a little," but more "Holy fuck Carole Baskin is your neighbor" type of resemblance. Karen: I NEVER SAID THAT. I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT. She screamed at the top of her lungs a mere inches from my face. I could smell the Meow Mix bellow from here scream-factory. Meanwhile, Kevin pulled a fucking Houdini and vanished. Kevin is a passive-aggressive asshole and direct confrontation scares him off. OP: Yes. You did. Karen: I NEVER SAID THAT. YOU'RE WRONG. OP: Whatever. It's not even worth it. Karen: I AM SO SICK OF YOUR HEATHENS GOING IN MY YARD. YOUR HEATHENS BETTER NOT GO IN MY YARD AGAIN OR I WILL HAVE THEM ARRESTED. I KNOW THE LAW. The, "I know the law statement," really rubbed me wrong. I was about to open my mouth and respond by my wife was on her like stink on shit, which led me to believe Karen is louder than a lawnmower. My wife was still seething about Karen recording the humans. Wife: They don't go in your yard, and they are good children. They are not heathens! You better STOP RECORDING MY CHILDREN. Karen: Oh shut up. You guys are white trash. Your children play in the street and run around the neighborhood like criminals. They broke my mulch too.(Yes. She said they broke the mulch.) Everybody knows you're trash. Just. Stupid. White. Trash. I am now thinking, "Oh fuck," and semi-worried about Karen's future health as an active participant of living humans. I think my wife wanted to expire Karen's shelf-life. Wife: Excuse me? My children never play in the street, you're recording them, and... Karen: Just shut up! YOU'RE STUPID. YOU'RE JUST PLAIN STUPID. I CAN RECORD THEM IF I WANT. NO WONDER YOU DON'T HAVE JOBS Wife: I HAVE THREE ADVANCED DEGREES. WE ARE WORKING FROM HOME. WE ARE NOT... Karen: You are! YOU'RE TRASHY AND STUPID, AND BOTH YOUR CHILDREN ARE STUPID. I had enough. There was no point in arguing either. Mark Twain stated to, "Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." Mark is correct, and Karen was trying to drag us down. Well, I don't know why, but I remember something that Kevin discussed with me when we first moved in; the fucking trees! They have a large maple tree, and they have a juniper tree. Kevin always told me they were "in the process" of contracting a company to crown and lift the maple tree. Furthermore, they were going to get the juniper tree off my fence. Dear Reader, I know the law too. I can legally trim anything that goes over my property line. Now all those pointless conversations were making sense. It was my time to join this exciting game called pettiness! OP: Karen. You have until Sunday to get your juniper off my fence. Karen: Shut up. I told you we were going to get it handled this fall. OP: It's June. You have until Sunday Karen: Or What? I allow my wife to rejoin the conversation, and I retreat to the garage. The I grab my clippers, and prune a good couple inches of the juniper tree, and lay them at her feet. Cue T-Rex fucking a volcano voice! Karen: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? I TOLD YOU IT WILL BE DONE THIS FALL. OP: You have until Saturday now. Karen: You are dumb too. Just like your wife aren't you? My intelligence may have been debatable, but I suppose it was time to repeat the process?!? I now return with about two feet of tree, and place it at her feet. I am like Mo-mo-McFucko of fuck-fuck lady! OP: You have until Friday! Karen: You better not touch my tree again. I will call the cops and have you thrown in jail tonight. You're so dumb aren't you? Now I see where you children get it from. OP: I know the law too Karen. I will be back in a minute with some more of your juniper tree! Karen: KEVIN. KEVIN. KEVIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNN! I again return to the tree. I now have another two feet of juniper tree to place at her feet. The more she screams the smaller her tree becomes. It was an enjoyable game of cause and effect. Meanwhile, I see Kevin and Kevin Jr running like Usain Bolt to secure their tree with tow straps. Karen: I hope your happy. You are terrible people! You are both terrible parents, and your children are heathens. I am sick of ball bouncing and waking my son up too. You people need to move. Your just horrible parents. HORRIBLE. (Screaming louder) HORRIBLE PARENTS. Dear Reader, I had enough. I was at critical mass; I was going to explode. Karen continued to yell at my wife and I was zoning out. It was comical to watch Kevin and Kevin Jr secure the tree to their porch in order to get it off the fence. Once complete, they quickly made their way back to the one-sided screaming party. Karen: Horrible parents. Look with they did to my poor tree. Kevin: I think we should call the cops dear. Karen: HORRIBLE PARENTS! I feel sorry for your kids and... OP: Just shut the fuck up! I raked up 21 bags of leaves this past fall. Twenty-One. Funny, because we don't have a tree in our backyard. I pulled an additional bags worth of leaves and branches from my gutter. Not from "my tree" either. It was from your tree. You know what Kevin? I didn't bitch. I didn't knock on your door an complain. Kevin: Yeah, and? OP: We live in a suburbia. This shit happens. They are kids; kids fucking play outside! I don't want the ball in your yard either. You accuse of them of being in your yard. You also accuse them of "BREAKING MULCH". How in the fuck do you break mulch? Are you fucking serious? Really? Karen: Yes really. Maybe you should learn how to parent your horrible children. OP JUST FUCKING LOST IT (WAIT FOR THE SURPRISE!) OP: Know what? That's the last time you question me about my parenting. My children are going to grow up and be productive members of our society. I find it comical that you have the audacity to question my parenting seeing how you have a (WAIT FOR IT) a 49 year old son living at your house for the past nine years. I assume it was because of the divorce and the bankruptcy he filed nine years ago? My children are waking your child up? Your child is a jobless 49 year old man living at home with mom and dad. Is he working on a startup? Prestige Worldwide maybe? Boats and hos! Karen: (FUCKING BAFFLED) How do you know any of that? DO YOU GO SNOOPING THROUGH OUR MAIL TOO? OP: I am good at what I do, and I found everything on online. I know you are 69, and lost your license due to reckless endangerment charge in 2017. I know Kevin Jr has 5 different moving violations and one DUI. I also know he was fired from his grounds-crew job with the HOA. I know your husband is 72 and wears the same fucking shirt everyday, so I can only assume that laundry is not a priority. I know your phone numbers, and email accounts. I know a lot of shit about you. YOUR CHILD IS 49 AND LIVES AT HOME. MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE MORE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR PARENTING AND LESS ABOUT MINE! We can have a civil relationship or we can have a war. Just remember this though, I AM GOING TO FUCKING OUTLIVE YOU! They stormed in the house. They were not happy or impressed with my ability to figure shit out. It was not over for me though. They fucked with the wrong fuckhead. They were unaware of actions I took to keep the peace. For example, I never let the boys play basketball while they were outside eating dinner. I didn't let them play before nine or after seven. I tried. But they would play blare country music and enjoy the gorgeous weather an eat a meal. I never bitch about Garth Brooks on volume 100 while I watched the national news. I was teleworking, and I took fuckery up as a part-time job now. I have wrestled since I was four years old. I was never much of a basketball guy. I am now though! Karen and Kevin had just sat down to enjoy their meal. I don't have to spy either. I can easily see them out my french doors as I watch the national news. I patiently waited for the sloth-speed fuckheads to get their outside dinner setting perfectly situated. I could hear Tim McGraw playing when I opened my french doors. I like music too, so I figured I would get my groove and play basketball. OP: Alexa (Amazon) play Bitches Ain't Shit by Dr. Dre. Alexa: Bleep and Bleep by Dr. Dre. OP: Alexa. Volume 10 I have a new fondness for rap music and the game of basketball. This didn't stop Karen from recording my "heathens" on a daily basis. I know what I was about to do was petty, but I had zero fucks to give at that point. I had one last fuck you. It was my final card to play; an Uno Reverse Card of sorts! My neighbors, across the street, and my family have bonded. He had a tree removed last week, and I had an epiphany. How much would it cost to trim a large maple tree that overhands my property? I am not talking a couple branches either, but more like one half of a more than 100 foot tree. I approached the tree removal company an offered them a sizeable chunk of change and informed them of my delicate problem. They said, "any friend of MY NEIGHBOR is a friend of theirs." Pro bono! They move their large equipment over to my backyard and take their time getting ready. Guess who came running out of the house? No. Not Brad Pitt. Fuck. Get your shit together Reader. Karen and Kevin came running out. Kevin: Hey buddy! (Buddy. Not fuckhead. Not horrible parent. Buddy!) OP: What can I do for you? Kevin: What are they doing here? OP: Oh. Them (Points)? Kevin: Yeah. What are they doing? OP: Oh. Well, they are going to trim the tree? Kevin: Just trim? OP: Yup. Just a little trim! Karen: You know that tree was a gift from our daughter right? We don't want anything drastic. It has been with us for over forty years now. Kevin: Yeah. It was a gift from our daughter. How much are you thinking about trimming? OP: Well. Just so you're aware, you understand that I can legally trim anything that overhangs my property? I have approval from my lawyer and the HOA to trim it. Frankly, I care as much about your tree as you do my children's privacy; I could fucking care less! Kevin: How much are you talking about trimming then? OP: My property line is here (I point) and it extends up (I point up) to space. I am going to trim every single branch that encroaches my property. So, probably about 1/3 of your tree. It's gonna look really fucking funny when I am done. Oh well. Karen started to cry. It was a really, really ugly cry. There was no more rage left in her. She was defeated. Kevin was defeated as well. This was not my desire. Don't get me wrong, I don't care if she cried, but it was not my intent. OP: Or YOU CAN STOP RECORDING MY FUCKING CHILDREN. Karen: (Looking like snot nosed Carole Baskin) If I stop recording? OP: Look. We don't have to like each other, because I certainly don't fucking like you guys. My boys never go in your yard. Ever. I don't give shit if you keeps the other basketballs, but I will be damned if you fucking record them ever again. If you do, I will cut your tree down without warning. Kevin: (PISSED) Thanks bud. OP: No worries friend. I am just trying to be neighborly. Just remember. I am dead serious about the tree, and I am pretty certain I will outlive you. Dear Reader, I know I am a prick. I know we were both in the wrong at times. I draw the line when a 69 year old women sees fit to torment my kids. We have only had one problem sense these events occurred. Kevin Jr's car sat in the same spot for nine months. I have submitted over 20 home improvement request to the HOA, and I am now friends with the wonderful ladies that work there. They periodically inspect neighborhoods and noticed the registration on Jr's vehicle was two years outdated and had it towed. Karen accused me of having towed. We had another colorful conversation, but it ended there. Kevin Jr. is still jobless to this day. I assume he has managed to erect a bunk bed in his childhood bedroom. He has "so much more room for activities." Just make sure you don't touch his drum set. This is not my typical story, but I hope you enjoyed the read. Cheers kind humans! submitted by /u/SloppyEyeScream to r/pettyrevenge [link] [comments]

Lululemon, your women's 'golf' category is a joke. Most golf courses require a polo/collared shirt, and while I was ESTASTIC to see that you finally sold one (Quick-Drying Short Sleeve Polo Shirt), it was only online for about a week, during which it was out of stock in all the main sizes the entire time. After like a week it was removed from the website and is no longer available. Please tell me why the lulu men can have countless collared options, but we need to settle with a basic Tee which isn't acceptable at most nicer courses. PLEASE STOCK WOMENS GOLF POLOS - I WANT LULU GOLF SHIRTS !!!!! *please like this post to support my dreams of a cute golf outfit that fits me properly

Last updated: 12/07/19 Edit 32: Couldn't help myself. Added Urban Jurgënsen and Manufacture Royale. Thread is archived so no promises, but feel free to message me with any requests! A. Lange & Söhne: You work in investments, but nowhere as common as Wall Street. You have been known to casually ask to compare balance bridges with Patek owners. Alpina: You are subscribed to Outside magazine, and can quote passages from Krakauer’s “Into the Wild” by by heart. You own a pair of serious hiking boots, but they languish in your closet, unworn and unmuddied. You could not afford a Rolex Explorer. If pressed, you would not be able to articulate why anyone would actually need an “Alpinist” watch. Audemars Piguet: You are a rapper, and you think the brand name is “Royal Oak”. Apple Watch: You are either a secretary or nine-figure earning CEO at a Fortune 500 company. You use your Apple Watch Series 4 to track both your weekly jogs and chicken roasts. You are vaguely familiar with the idea that other, “old-fashioned” watches exist, but assume they will soon disappear once they are no longer repaired by their manufacturers. Azimuth: Your two most treasured possessions are an autographed photo of Leonard Nimoy and a replica copy of the Voyager probe Golden Record. You can only dream of owning an MB&F. Ball: As you walk through your LED lit hallway, down the stairs illuminated by motion sensing flood lamps, and towards your basement model train table outfitted with 3000 Lumen overhead halogen bulbs, you’re gladly reassured by your watch's Tritium lume - for the brief second it takes to find the switch. Balticus: You are either a metrosexual 20-something working in Warsaw, or a teenage boy living in rural Estonia. You don’t get to play with your Overwatch team as much as you’d like due to the time difference. You dream of moving to Berlin or New York. Baume et Mercier: You were touched when your wife got you a Clifton for your wedding. You have since gotten a Rolex, but wear your B&M on special occasions. Thankfully, she got you an automatic, not a quartz. Bell & Ross: You think IWCs are a pale imitation of a Boeing 767 flight instrument. You want to wear the entire flight panel. Blancpain: Let’s be real, unless you're Vladimir Putin, the only watch you wear from this brand is the Fifty Fathoms - and it never goes near water. Bovet: You are the president of an esteemed French bank, say, Société Générale. While browsing the shops near your villa in Nice, you came across a lovely Fleurier, which you bought without even considering a discount. So much less common than a Breguet. Breitling: You aspire to be a pilot. You think the Breitling Emergency is the coolest watch ever made. You are unfamiliar with the term “in-house”. Bremont: You are an Anglophile. After purchasing two models from the boutique, you are hoping one day to be invited to a Townhouse event. You are either blissfully unaware, or painfully so, of the concept of “resale value”. Though you publicly state it doesn’t matter, you are secretly jealous that Tudor is moving in-house. Even you are somewhat embarrassed by their origin story. Breguet: You properly pronounce “Tourbillon”. You cringe when others refer to dial markings as mere “Arabic numerals”. You wish more people understood the history of horology. Your dream is to visit Paris. Bulova: You are either a middle-aged man obsessively collecting the 1970's Accutrons of your youth, or you picked this up from the jewelry counter at Kohl's - with a coupon. Burberry: You are either a skinny-tie wearing American office drone, or a Chav named Derek living in Slough. In either scenario, you believe the checkmark on the dial exudes class. BVLGARI - Men's: You wanted a watch that looked like a Diesel, but more expensive. BVLGARI - Women's: While you already have a diamond Datejust, you wanted something a little flashier to go with your evening-wear Chanel handbag. You delight in correcting others when they attempt to read the name on the dial. Even watch geeks will admit your Serpanti is kind of cool. Carl F. Bucherer: You are a Chinese national who has never visited the United States. Your uncle’s textile factory has vaunted your family into the upper-middle classes, and it is expected that you project a certain image to distinguish yourself from the commoners. The saleswoman assured you that your Manero is for “a man of distinction” and will fit perfectly with your other internationally recognized luxury item, your cherry-red Buick GL8 Sedan. Cartier: You like beautiful things, and are possibly a woman. Casio: In school, your glasses were held together with Scotchtape, and the mechanical pencil in your shirt-front pocket always jammed, but your trusty Calculator Watch never failed. You are shocked that others are copying your look ironically. Certina: You are the 33-year old manager of a Coop supermarket outside of Davos, Switzerland. While you believe fancy watches are for tourists, your Powermatic was listed “Uhren 50% Rabatt!” and looks pretty sweet. Chanel: When you awake, you reach for your bottle of No. 5 - sprayed at the pulse points - before you check your phone. You love your ceramic white J12 for the way it effortlessly graces most of your outfits. You spend most days at work surreptitiously surfing TheRealReal, desperately trying to emulate your idol, Coco, on the cheap. Secretly, you wish the whole Nazi collaborator thing was just an ugly rumor. Chopard: When you got engaged, you insisted on a “Chopard for Love” ring in a platinum setting. While your finance-bro fiancee couldn’t be there on the special day, he gave you a Happy Diamonds to go with it on your three-year anniversary. He will marry you. Eventually. Right? Christiaan Van Der Klaauw: You are an unusually successful astrophysicist with a NY Times bestselling book. You wear you hair at a rakish angle, and unabashedly use the phase “a priori” in everyday conversation. You actually understand the concept of Sideral time. You first heard of the brand from the oligarch who endowed your research chair using laundered Petro dollars. Christopher Ward: You can’t afford to spend more than $1K on a watch. You’ve come to actually love your Trident. Secretly, you think the new logo makes your watch look like a toy. Citizen: You work for NASA, and your job is to set the clocks on the GPS satellites. Concord: The year is 1986. While all the other middle-managers are celebrating their promotions with Trans Ams, women, or Rolexs, you chose the Concord Saratoga. Placing the leftover cash into Lincoln Savings and Loan bonds and a custom suit with serious shoulder pads, you choose to invest in things that last. Corum: You spend most days at your estate's dock, "working" on your teak-decked Sloop, so much so that your wife - for whose birthday you bought a subscription to Sail magazine - calls your Coxswain when she wishes to find you. You exclusively wear Sperry’s and have been known to sport a racing flag tie unironically. You know nothing about watches. Cuervo y Sobrinos: You are a third generation Cuban-American named Jorge living in Buena Vista, Miami. You drink Bacardi Gold as you grill pulled pork at cookouts and play dominos with your Abuelo. You chose your Rubusto to honor your family, culture, and heritage. Secretly, you’re terrified that someone might find out your legal name is George - and that you speak no Spanish. Damasko: You earnestly believe that form must always follow function. You lament the paucity of good quality, acid-resistant PVD watches on the market. As you wear steel-toed hiking boots daily, you wouldn’t be caught dead handling, much less wearing, a gold dress watch. Daniel Wellington: You are a millennial who is into latte art. You think Humphrey Bogart looked so cool in old movies with his suit and trench coat. You are unaware of the terms "quartz" or "automatic". If you're honest, you had a hard time choosing your watch, as they all look the same on the website. You pay $5 a pop at the jewelry store to change Nato straps, which you recently got into. De Bethune: You successfully sold your internet company - with no revenue, let alone income - for $450 million dollars. You love technology, shiny things, and the color blue. You have a life-size replica of the Star Trek: The Next Generation bridge in your Rec room. Diesel: You are either a teenager with vociferous opinions on the PC vs. Console gaming wars, or a playboy far too busy dating multiple women simultaneously to know what that is. Dornblüth & Sohn: You own a grandfather clock, which you wind daily. Your have the same opinion on Roman numerals as on your ex-wife - cluttered, fussy, and confusing. You drive a vintage BMW - in your opinion, the epitome of a functional automobile - before the snazzy marketing made them much too flashy. Ebel: Fresh out of law school, you just got your first associate-level job at a big firm. You wanted something pretty but professional to wear to work. You are confused as to why on dates, men excitedly ask to see your watch, then get close, look disappointed, and say ”oh…an Ebel...”. Edox/Mido: You are a 23 year old German man, fresh out of the University of Heidelberg. Your starter job and soon to be expiring student benefits did not allow you to stretch for a Longines. The salesman’s face visibly fell when you walked through his door. Eterna: Your KonTiki was a Jomashop 75% off gamble. You have since become a fanboy, going so far as to grow a beard and voraciously reading Thor Heyerdahl's memoirs. You will order a nature survival kit, tent, and water purification pills online before you lose all interest and snuggle back up to your PS4. Fortis: You are a young German man living in Düsseldorf. You saved up quite a few paychecks at your Aldi managerial job to afford your Stratoliner. You wish the SR-71 Blackbird was still around. You have re-watched Top Gun 23 times, while imagining that your handle would be “The Baron”. If you ever actually visited an American airbase, you would be disgusted with the wastefulness and vow never to return. Fossil: You are a 25 year old man at your first job. Your workplace has open-plan offices and “Sunday Fundays”. You carefully buckle up your leather watch before dates, and make sure it shows under your cuff. Franck Muller: You are a jocular pediatrician, or possibly, a professional clown. You have a weakness for Tonneau cases and Art Deco numerals. Frederique Constant: You could not afford a JLC Master Ultra Thin Moon, so you got this instead. You are unsuccessfully trying to make a 42mm dress watch work for your wrist. You were shocked, and a little disappointed, when you learned that the company was founded in 1988. Garmin: You are subscribed to Men's Health and GQ. Before leaving for work, you lace up your running sneakers and strap on your Forerunner in case you can get a quick run in on the way home. This never happens. Your Bowflex sits quietly in your garage, gleaming and untouched. Ginault: You spent $1,449 on a Rolex Submariner Homage. You while away countless man-hours on the forums, defending the brand from baseless accusations. You will ultimately purchase Hulk, Pepsi, and Daytona homages from other brands, and with time, will have spent more on replicas than the cost of the real thing. Girard-Perregaux: You swear that the Laureato is “the next Overseas”, and that the Golden Bridges are an under appreciated masterpiece. You purposely chose a 1966 over a JLC Master Ultra Thin. Secretly, you wonder if you made a mistake. Glashütte Original: You, overall, cannot afford a Lange. Glycine: You’ve outgrown the flashy Invicta's of your youth, but are still hesitant to go smaller than 46mm in a watch. Secretly, the vaguely military associations of your Combat Sub mildly arouse you. If he were alive to see it, Eugène Meylan would throw an egg at your face. Glycine - Vintage: You live in an old age home, with your WWII Purple Heart and military induction papers tucked away discreetly in a corner. You still wear the Airman which you bought on the base at Ramstein in ’49. Sadly, your grandson only visits to eye it covetously. Graham: You couldn’t resist a watch whose crown is easily confused with a grenade’s firing pin. Your Volkswagen Golf has vanity plates and a silkscreened pin-up on the rear window. You have a shrine to your grandfather in your room, a WWII vet with the British Expeditionary Force, though he only got to flee Dunkirk. Even you suspect the “Watchmakers Since 1659” claim is crap. Grand Seiko: You think a Spring Drive is the coolest thing since sliced bread. You frequently photograph your Cocktail Time with your Sony camera or, in a pinch, your latest generation iPhone. You have bookmarked Youtube videos of the Grand Seiko factory - in case you meet someone with a Swiss made watch who needs a little convincing. You wish Seiko would do marketing better. Grönefeld: While trained at RADA, you have peaked as a recognizable, but under-appreciated Hollywood actor. You have impeccable taste and a thing for Salmon dials. You wanted something dressier than your sponsored but boring Omega to wear to the Met Gala. G-Shock: You are a junior in college, or an emergency room physician. You delight in taking your G-Shock to watch meet-ups, to the horror of the traditionalists. You recently took up mountain biking just to post Instagram photos of your watch on the trails. H. Moser & Cie: You have a mischievous sense of humor, and in high school, were known to film pranks you pulled on your friends. You have an insatiable weakness for fume dials. While you can’t quite put your finger on it, you suspect the brand will be worth a lot in coming years - or so you tell anyone who will listen. Deep down, you are terrified your Endeavor might just be a passing fad. Hamilton: You recently graduated college. You spent hours on the watch forums, debating between this or a Longines. You finally settled on the Jazzmaster/Khaki, though the salesman couldn't tell you anything about it. The highlight of your life was when a random woman on a date said, “nice watch”. You almost married her. Hautlence: You have a game room in your Park Avenue, per-war classic six filled with pinball machines. You wear pink glasses, to let your underlings at your Goldman Sachs job know that you can be “cool” too. You are not. Hermes: You are either a perfumer living in the Montmarte district of Paris, or an American woman with an unerringly good fashion sense. Hublot: You are, simply, wrong. HYT: You are a successful electrical engineer with lucrative patents to your name, or an internet startup founder that actually solved and monetized a hard problem in computer science. You love nothing more than to hand your H1.0 over to curious passerby, while pontificating upon the intricacies of fluid dynamics. Invicta - Type 1: You are a non-watch geek dad in a suburban shopping mall. You wanted to get "something nice" for yourself. You find sub 46mm watches "too girly". You enjoy explaining to others, with wide-eyed delight, how your watch is powered by "moving your arm". Invicta - Type 2: You are in high school, without a summer job. You think the Rolex Submariner is the perfect modern, go anywhere, do anything watch. You feel ostracized on the watch forums, but can’t help but smile when you see your Pro Diver on your wrist. IWC: You are openly not a pilot, but enjoy having an altimeter strapped to your wrist. Jacob & Co: You are a formerly successful, now destitute rapper. You pawned this watch at a significant loss. Jaeger-LeCoultre: You exclusively dress in suits, except on bank holidays, when you wear chinos and your Reverso. You are frequently found on watch forums extolling “the watchmaker's watchmaker” virtues. You think 100M of waterproofing is all anyone should ever need. Your will instructs your heirs to bury you with your Atmos clock, as they surely won’t appreciate it. You hope one day to be able to roll your R’s like the guy in the boutique. Jaquet Droz: You are either a well diversified collector, or an Arabian Shiek from an oil rich kingdom. If the latter, your other watch is a Rolex Daytona Rainbow with diamond bezel. Johan Eric: You googled “watch” on Amazon and this is the first thing you found with Prime shipping. In general, you are decidedly not picky, both in watches and in life. JS Watch Co: While you used to have a very generous circle of friends, your incessant droning on about your trip to Iceland and the sweet Frisland you scored there soured even your most steadfast companions. You now spend most days online, nostalgically looking at Tripadvisor reviews for restaurants in Reykjavik, or re-watching the Lord of the Rings for the twelfth time. Junghans: You were just hired by a big design firm, but on a starter salary. You visit your local art museum on “free admission weekends”, and hang around free gallery shows. You have a small tattoo on your right bicep. You hope to upgrade to a Nomos one day. Klasse14: You favorite Instagram influencer subtly bombarded you with sponsored posts showcasing the brand. You hope your Miss Volare will one day star in your own epic selfie in front of the Eiffel Tower. Kobold: Your “keeper” test is if she’ll watch all six seasons of the Sopranos with you. Your most treasured possession is an autographed napkin from the late, great, James Gandolfini. Since his passing, your interest in the brand has cooled, and secretly, you worry that your Spirit of America is just a more expensive Shinola. Laco: As you gaze admiringly at the Saarbrücken on your wrist, you find yourself wondering: Was Hitler really that bad? Lip: You are a Frenchman originally from Toulouse. You work for the Bureau of Weights and Measurements, converting metric measurements to Napoleonic Mesures Usuelles for those still living in the First Republic. While you would prefer to wear an Omega, you can only imagine the shocked “Non!” That would emanate from the mustachioed lips of your supervisor, Gaspard, upon seeing it, and you’d rather avoid an employee tribunal. You’d win, but it’s a hassle. Longines: You just got your first job out of college. You are looking for something classy and professional to go along with your first real suit. You will one day own a JLC. Lorus: You are a street-peddler living in Hyderabad. You cannot afford a Seiko 5, but not for any reason that would be remotely funny. Luminox: You constantly talk about “doing an Ironman”. You sleep in a Naval Academy t-shirt and proudly fly the “thin blue line" US flag on your porch. You make vague allusions to former service when asked, but secretly, you were only a mall cop in the 90’s. Manufacture Royale: Liberace would like to know where you got your watch. Marathon: You are a former United States Marine, 3rd Battalion, 6th. You wore this watch on patrol in Kandahar, where your buddy scratched his initials on the case back. This is either a faithful re-telling, or you have entirely imagined the above scenario for color at your current office job. Maurice Lacroix: The year is 1995. Bill Clinton is president of an economically resurgent USA. You just got promoted to Assistant to the Regional Department President of your longtime employer, IBM. Having recently heard about the value of a “Fine Swiss Watch”, you decided to purchase your Pontos after seeing an ad for it in the pages of Sports Illustrated. It feels right. MB&F: You are an angel investor in various internet start-ups. You believe in “thinking different” and “changing the world”. Having gone through the various Pateks, Langes, and Journes that befit your station, you now find pretty much every other watch brand ridiculously boring. You wear an Apple watch concurrently on your other wrist. MeisterSinger: You purposefully wear subtly mismatched socks with your corduroys. You carry your daily possessions in a fanny pack, considering it more practical than a messenger bag. You are perpetually 10-15 minutes late to all your appointments. Secretly, you have a thing for amputee girls. Michael Kors: You are a 16-33 year old woman. Your house is filled with rose-gold colored accessories. You shop at Macy’s, where you purchased this watch to match your handbag. In the watch world, you are actually one of the sane ones. Mondaine: You either have a collection of hair mousses to apply based on the weather, or are an oddly obsessive spotter of Swiss electric trains. Montblanc: You couldn’t afford a JLC. You have since taken to the watch forums, declaring the superiority of Minerva, stating, “it’s over for the over $5K’s”. Secretly, you also hate stacked movement complications. Montegrappa - Chaos by Sylvestor Stallone: What the hell is wrong with you? Moritz Grossman: You are the head of an old family manufacturing firm in Bavaria. Your frauline, Hilda, urged you to finally treat yourself and upgrade from the reliable but tired Swatch on your wrist. Feeling a Lange was too recognizable to the men on the assembly line, you chose the Benu Power reserve, but only to wear at board meetings. Movado: You are either a 21 year old man wearing a Movado Bold at the club, or an 83 year old gentlemen wearing an original Museum piece. There is no middle ground. Mühle Glashütte: Your evangelical zeal for the brand makes you the human embodiment of those “allow notifications?” pop-ups. You dream of becoming a mariner. MVMT: You are a millennial who drives a motorcycle. You have a collection of leather jackets. You hope someone comments on how well your watch matches your sunglasses. Nixon: You are a 32 year old man named either Chad or Brad living in Encinitas, California. As you spend most days on the beach surfing in your board shorts, you have a perpetual tan even in winter. You aren’t into watches, but your Base Tide was giving you good vibes from the surf-shop window, and it matches your leather Yogi bracelet perfectly. Nomos: While you initially could not afford a Swiss made watch in art school, you are now a successful Bahaus-style architect. You have a membership to your local modern art museum. While you prefer espresso, you drink drip from a vintage Braun coffee maker. Apple “Keynote Days” are like Christmas in June. Ochs and Junior: You sincerely collect promotional posters for modern art exhibits. You have an interesting job in either advanced engineering or product design at a well funded startup in Berlin. Somewhat obsessively, you refuse to wear any items with visible brand names. Even you can’t always tell what the hell the date is on your perpetual calendar. Oris: You are frequently found on watch forums, starting, “Why buy an Omega when you can get virtually the same quality for half the cost?” You think the Sixty Five is exactly what your grandfather would’ve worn - if he was cooler, and not a rural school teacher from Iowa. You are secretly trying to save for a Rolex Sub, but need the cash for your PADI training. Omega: You are intimately familiar with all 12 manned Apollo missions. You eagerly anticipate the next James Bond film. You refer to your Seamaster as “the thinking man’s Sub, with a better movement”. Bonus points if you know who George Daniels is. Orient: You are a senior in high school. You love your Bambino, but as you know watches, you don’t claim it’s equivalent to something more expensive. You dream of winning the lottery. You are pure. Panerai: You frequently exclaim, “What’s the point of wearing a watch if no one sees it?” You live in California, and exclusively wear short sleeves. You are unusually familiar with the Italian Navy’s WWII operations, glossing over the period 1940-1943. Parmigiani Fleurier: You are the scion of an old, proud Italian banking family. While you of course have a few Patek’s tucked away in the vault at your Lago Maggiora villa, your father, Luca, gifted you your Tonda Tourbillon because he errantly believed it was an Italian brand “like from the old days, bene!” You don’t have the heart to correct him. Parnis: You desire a replica Daytona, but your country’s customs force is extremely efficient at confiscating goods that violate trademarks. Patek Philippe - Type 1: You took off from work to watch the Henry Graves Super Complication auction livestream. You think the Nautilus is overvalued, preferring the khaki green Aquanaut instead. You are possibly John Mayer, but if not, you hope one day to actually own your own Patek. Patek Philippe - Type 2: You are a Russian oligarch. You assert that a hacking seconds “damages the movement”. Though you’ll never say so openly, you are secretly jealous of the finishing on a Lange. You feel reassured when you see one of those “For the next generation” ads. Philippe Dufour/Laurent Ferrier/F.P. Journe: You are a Russian oligarch, but with exquisite taste. Piaget: You claim that the Calatrava and Patrimony "smell of old man". You frequently end arguments with "yeah, but...thinest movement in the world." You cannot actually afford a Calatrava or Patrimony. Poljot: In the old days, you were a MiG-23 fighter pilot for the Motherland. Your Poljot, along with your state-issued Volga GAZ-24 sedan, marked you as a man of importance among the proletariat. Sadly, in your current job as grocery store guard, only the old babushkas recognize your former glory. It would kill you to know that 30-year old gamers bought your watch online because they thought the Cyrillic on the dial looked cool. Rado: You are a material scientist tenured at a prestigious university. You have no interest in watches, but could not pass up the mystery and wonder of a watch that never scratches. Everything from your pots to your pants are coated in Teflon. Raymond Weil: Are you sure you aren’t wearing a Maurice Lacroix with Roman numerals? RGM Watch Co: You are a 62-year old Boomer living in Pittsburgh, PA. As you are retired - with pension - from your job as a chemical engineer for US Steel, you have plenty of time to hobnob on Timezone.com. You post multiple photos of your 801-COE in various lights, to the eager approval of all twelve forums members. You can’t tell anyone, but you voted for Donald Trump. Richard Mille: If you weren’t an American billionaire, you’d probably be buying an Invicta - with the logos removed, you surely couldn’t tell the difference. You make sure to wear your watch when interviewed by Fortune, with the sleeves of your silk Dolce & Gabana shirt rolled up. Roger Dubuis: You are a Argentinian Striker, recently relocated to the UK with Manchester United. Stacy, your loyal WAG, got you the Excalibur after you instructed your assistant to leave notes around your Wilmslow mansion with explicit purchasing instructions. All involved acted surprised on your birthday. If you are being honest, you sometimes confuse it with your Richard Mille. Roger W. Smith: You are the scion of a Japanese telecommunications fortune. You love discussing horology, but only online. You are that unusual combination of billionaire and introvert, perhaps due to your secret insecurity in your own abilities. You fantasize about how one day, Otuo-San will notice your Series 2, and nod approvingly at you with his tight-lipped grimace. In your own quiet way, this is how you show off. Rolex - Sub (Ha!) Type A: ROLEX ROLEX ROLEX. YOU CAN’T BUY ANYTHING BUT A ROLEX IT’S THE ONLY THING WITH RESALE VALUE. HAVE YOU SEEN MY TWO-TONE SUB WITH THE CYCLOPS? I LIKE IT ‘CAUSE IT HAS WRIST PRESENCE. Rolex - Sub Type B: You frequently re-watch all Sean Connery Bond films, asserting that Daniel Craig is not a “real” Bond. You know the difference between the 1016 Caliber 1560 and 1016 Caliber 1570. You believe steel can stretch with minimal effort. You prefer watches with rusted dials and no date. As you frequently speak full sentences consisting solely of reference numbers, it is assumed by passerby that you work for a secretive government agency. Rolex - Sub Type C: You are a successful Italian-American contractor. You wear a two-tone Datejust - your only watch - which never leaves your wrist. On vacation at the resort in Cabo, you make sure your wrist is angled properly so the waiter can see it when taking your order. Rolex - Sub Type D: When you found out your wife was pregnant, you rushed to purchase a "birth year" Sub. Your son will not get to wear it until you are dead. Rolex - Sub Type E: You are a researcher who spends all day next to an MRI machine. While you never wore a watch before, you found yourself suddenly desperate for one after seeing an eerily personalized ad for the Millgauss pop up on Facebook. After the initial triumphant forum pic, the novelty wore off, and most days you just check the wall clock. Romain Jerome: You have no compunctions wearing a watch made from the Titanic. You have more money than sense. Scuderia Ferrari: Your friends know not to utter the word “Lamborghini” for fear of starting a rant. Your firstborn son is named Enzo. Your Pilota watch, Ferarri ball-cap, keychain, and limited edition Scuderia Ferrari for Ray-Ban aviators all proudly accompany you as you step into your 2004 Honda Civic. Seagull: It took quite a few shifts at the Dairy Queen, but you finally got your Ocean Star. You feel like you need a dress piece too, but are unsure when you’d ever wear it. One day, with a JLC on your wrist, you will look back upon this time wistfully. Seiko: You are starting college this Fall. You spend most days on watch forums, hoping to find newbies asking for help so that you can steer them your way. You think the Seiko 5 is the best value per dollar in horology. Deep down, you know that if you ever won the lottery, you’d trash them all for a stable of platinum Langes. Sekonda: On the way to a job interview as a Transport of London station cleaner, you decide a watch will make you look more reliable. You grab the cheapest Sekonda Classic from Mr. Singh’s newsstand, and make sure to check it copiously during your interview. You are surprised when you do not get the job. Changing the dead battery three days later, you are puzzled by the Cyrlic writing inside the case. Shinola: You are a Clinton, or an oddly proud Detroit native. You think the “Made in the USA” controversy was a hit job egged on by Hodinkee. You have average sized wrists, but think they are larger than they really are. You have a weakness for wire lugs. Sinn: You are subscribed to the WatchBuys newsletter. You cannot afford an IWC. You post numerous photos of your Sinn 356 Flieger, in a vain attempt to reassure yourself that the acrylic crystal was the right choice. Skagen: You drive a used but well loved Volvo. While you know nothing about watches, you found it cumbersome to check your dumb phone for the time, and began your search for something practical but affordable. As you know the quickest shortcut to get to the cafeteria at your local IKEA - where you get the meatballs weekly - an ostensibly Danish watch held some appeal. You are unaware that Denmark and Sweden are different countries. Speake-Marin: ”A touch loud? What do you mean, leopard print pants with a leather jacket is loud?” Squale: You cannot afford a Rolex Submariner. Steinhart: You could not afford a Rolex or IWC. While you truly enjoy wearing your Hulk Sub homage, deep-down, you question where the line is between imitation and theft. Stowa: You enjoy having an altimeter strapped to your wrist, but cannot afford an IWC. You would love to mention its WWII history, but are unsure how to do so without appearing insensitive. Stührling: American Airlines flight 1257, direct to Dallas, seat 48B. Two hours in, You saw the Depthmaster in the pages of SkyMall and knew you couldn't pass it up. Swatch: You are a child in elementary school, or a successful, established artist. You love color. You have a watch collection, but they are all Swatches. You wish you could buy another one of the Irony whose crystal cracked when you dropped it on your kitchen floor. Swiss Legend: You could’ve bought the Esq. brand chrono - with the same Chinese Quartz movement - for $139, but then it would’t say “Swiss” on the dial, would it? Tag Heuer: Your first “real” watch was a Link, which you initially saw in the pages of Golf Digest/Tennis Magazine. For the longest time, you had a crush on Maria Sharapova. The chip on your shoulder is slightly lessened when you see photos of vintage Carreras online. Timex: You are a senior citizen, or an aspiring US presidential candidate. In either case, your grandson is suddenly asking to borrow your watch. Tissot: You just got your first job out of college, but it pays less than the Longines fellow. You appreciate either classic or ridiculously bold design. After a long career, you will one day own a Rolex. Triwa: You are a full-time Instagram influencer. Perhaps one day, you will regret the purchase of your Donald Trump “Comb Over” watch - but not today. Tudor: You assert that the Black Bay 58 is what Rolex “used to be”. You take pride in the quality of the bezel on your Pelagos. You either never will admit, or say all the time, that you wish you had a Rolex. Tutima Glashütte:As the only way to acquire a Lange would be to sell a kidney, you eagerly sought out an alternative still made in your mythical Glashütte. You fancy yourself a sportsman, though this is usually only expressed by the bench press. While you wear your Grand Flieger daily, if pressed, you could not articulate why, exactly, your watch had to be German. Ulysse Nardin - Type 1: What exactly do you think you are, some kind of enthusiast? Ulysse Nardin - Type 2: As soon as you saw the Minute Repeater Voyeur - with a lifelike orgy scene on the dial, complete with moving “parts” - you knew you needed that kind of artistry in your life. Urban Jurgënsen: Was your watch produced by the Swedish Chef? Vacheron Constantin: You think a Calatrava is an ugly duckling compared to the all-encompassing beauty of a Patrimony. You refer to the period from 1987 - 1996 as “the Dark Times”. You wish resale value were higher, but blame Patek fanboys. Various Microbrands: You are subscribed to the “Affordable Watches” forum on WatchUSeek. You have a Google Alert on Kickstarter so you don’t miss the latest limited release. You are saving for a vintage Rolex, which increasingly appears out of reach. You are filled with a mixture of delight and despair when someone asks, "is that a Rolex?" of your Mk II Nassua. You have a love/hate relationship with Jason Lim of Halios. Various Vintage: You are Fred Savage. You think anything over 36mm is garish. While you wear your vintage Omega (original dial, of course) all the time, you have been known to slip on your modern Rolex Sub for the beach. You spend your weekends at estate sales, dreaming of coming across an unrecognized Patek for $150, which you bargain down to a clean $100. Victorinox: After your brief fling with Chinese watches, you decided it was time to step up to Swiss made. You wear your Fieldforce proudly in Econ 101, desperately hoping Brittany will notice it. Plus, you already had the matching backpack. Vostok: You are a value-oriented teen gamer, or an elderly Russian pensioner. You have 9 inch wrists. Zenith: You make half-hour long YouTube videos consisting of you chanting into the camera, “El Primero. El Primero. First Automatic. El Primero.“ You scoff at the JLC 751A as a rushed copy. Deep down, you believe the world is unjust, and fear your brand will never be properly recognized. Zodiac/Doxa: You are a certified Master Scuba Diver Trainer. You smile indulgently at your wealthy tourist clients, who have Submariners and Fifty Fathoms on their wrist. After you've been tipped, you love nothing better than to hand over your SeaWolf/Shark for inspection, casually stating "This baby's been down to 250 feet, no problems. How about yours?" Edit: Adding some more as suggestions. Last batch was: Frederique Constant, Junghans, Hamilton, Nomos, Panerai, Tag, Tissot, Tudor. Also split Invicta into two. Thanks for my first gold and kind words stranger! Edit 2: Some are disappearing when I make edits, re-added Swatch. Edit 3: Added Bell & Ross, Baume et Mercier, Sinn, Various Microbrands. Edit 4: Added Various Vintage. Thanks agin for the gold! Edit 5: Added Glashütte Original, Jaquet Droz, Stowa. Edit 6: Couldn't help myself, added Jacob & Co, Oris, Squale, Zodiac/Doxa. Edit 7: Added Fossil and Michael Kors. Modified Daniel Wellington. My first Platinum, thank you! Edit 8: Added GP and Zenith, split Seiko/Grand Seiko, and added one more Rolex Sub (phrasing!) Type (D). Recognized John Mayer as the Patek expert he really is. Edit 9: Added Movado. Slight tweak to Hamilton. Edit 10: Added Piaget. Edit 11: Added Montblanc, Richard Mille, Shinola, and Steinhart. Edit 12: Added Bremont, Edox/Mido, Parnis. Edit 13: Added Christopher Ward, De Bethune, and MB&F. Modified Frederique Constant. Edit 14: Added Bulova, Franck Muller. Edit 15: Modified Franck Muller, added Marathon. Edit 16: Added Laco (hat tip to Byki!), Maurice Lacroix. Edit 16: Added Swiss Legend. Edit 17: Added Damasko, Dornblüth & Sohn, Garmin, Klasse14, and split Ulysse Nardin into Types 1&2. Edit 17: Added Ball (hat tip to AudiMars and icecityx1221). Clarified that 12 Apollo missions only were manned. Thanks for the sticky Mods! I am humbled. Edit 18: Split Casio into Casio and G-Shock; added Concord and Ebel. Edited Marathon for clarity. Edit 19: Added Bovet, Hermes, HYT, Seagull, and Victorinox. Edit 20: Added Chopard, Corum. Edit 21: Added BVLGARI, Diesel, Glycine new and vintage, and Rolex Sub Type E. Edit 22: Added Chanel, Christiaan Van Der Klaauw, and Rado. Edit 23: Added Apple Watch, H. Moser & Cie, Ochs and Junior, and Scuderia Ferrari. Edit 24: Added Montegrappa Chaos, Romain Jerome, Stürhling Edit 25: Added Azimuth, Certina, Ginault, Graham, Johan Eric, Lip, Sekonda, Skagen. Edit 26: Added Carl F. Bucherer and Nixon. Edit 27: Added Alpina, Meister Singer, and updated Sekonda. Edit 28: Thanks so much for the Gold! Added Cuervo y Sobrinos, Eterna, Hautlence, Grönefeld, Luminox, Moritz Grossman, Speake-Marin, and Triwa. Edit 29: Added Balticus, Burberry, Kobold, and JS Watch Company. Edit 30: Added Lorus, Roger W. Smith, Mühle Glashütte and Tutima Glashütte. Edit 31: Added Fortis, Mondaine, Poljot, RGM Watch Co. and Roger Dubuis. Edit 32: Couldn't help myself. Added Urban Jurgënsen and Manufacture Royale. Thread is archived so no promises, but feel free to message me with any requests. Last updated: 12/07/19 submitted by /u/jooxii to r/WatchesCirclejerk [link] [comments]