Graduation Guest Outfit

Hello guys, ​ My family wanted to know what to wear for my graduation. My mum has so many fancy dresses so it's more so about my brothers. My 14 year old brother wants to wear jeans and a checked shirt, is this okay? My 25 year old brother is thinking about a sweatshirt and jeans. But I'm not sure if jeans are grad friendly. I looked on tiktok and got mixed answers. ​ Thanks submitted by /u/AnyIndependence6812 to r/UniUK [link] [comments]

I'm going to list the dates we have because more and more information keeps coming out, and we're going to end up knowing more about ASC's life than she does herself. She shouted from the rooftops that she was locked away during her alleged pregnancy, which is totally made up, because she's flat, always completely flat. What's unusual about this woman is that she tells the truth, something she must celebrate as an unprecedented event when it happens so rarely. Like I said, I'll keep updating. January 2024 December 31: Elon arrives in St. Barts at 6:00 PM. January 1, 2024: Shivon Zilis kicks off the year by publishing posts on X containing veiled references or "easter eggs." Elon is playing Diablo at 5:00 PM. January 2, 2024: Flight Logs (ADS-B Exchange): The private jet assigned to Elon Musk is detected over the northern coast of Puerto Rico at 22:40:14 Z (5:40 PM EST). Travel Logistics: Musk had to leave St. Barts by 4:00 PM at the latest due to the mandatory one-hour layover/transfer from St. Barts to San Juan International Airport. He is traveling with his family entourage and his son Lil X. The jet takes off from San Juan at 5:45 PM, flying direct to Austin, Texas, where it lands at 10:27 PM EST (9:27 PM CST). He leaves the island that afternoon despite her claims he stayed on the island another day with her until January 3. Subtext & Social Media: ASC is already making plans for Elon to finance her housing costs in her comments on January 2, 2024, at 2:19 PM. She was around there with Mike Benz, but she wanted to call herself the “girlfriend”—honestly, what a fantasy she has in her head. Money is important to her. Ashley makes a post at 12:35 PM about girlfriends vs. tanks (claiming tanks are a “superior” partner to a girlfriend). This seems like a strange post right after a “romantic moment.” January 3, 2024 (Austin, Texas Activity): Musk physically appears in Austin for a scheduled deposition within the ongoing child custody litigation against Grimes. At 6:27 PM, he posts on X: "Completed Tier 24 in Diablo’s Abattoir of Zir", and later hosts a livestream of the videogame (clearing tiers 21 through 25) alongside Lil X. January 5, 2024: Shivon Zilis posts the phrase "chaos ex machina" on X. PragerU Event (Los Angeles): Ashley St. Clair (ASC) attends a PragerU event in Los Angeles, California. She is photographed wearing a white blazer alongside Seth Dillon and another male companion. (File: 5.1.2024.webp) January 13–17, 2024 (Iowa Campaign): ASC travels to Urbandale, Iowa, to cover political campaign events alongside Vivek Ramaswamy. She documents her trip by sharing several images on X, including two photographs from the event on January 15. (File: 15.1.24 Iowa.webp) January 14–16, 2024 (Family Vacation in Wyoming): Musk is on a family ski vacation in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Due to high holiday flight congestion from incoming celebrities at the local airport, his aircraft remains parked at the Salt Lake City airport. (File: 14.1.2024.webp) January 15, 2024: While on vacation, Musk hosts a live audio broadcast (Spaces) on X with Jason Calacanis, Dean Phillips, and Bill Ackman. He flies direct back to Austin, Texas, landing around midnight between January 15 and 16. January 17, 2024: ASC Activity in New York (Estimated Conception Window): ASC posts on X that she has been invited to Times Square to see a physical billboard featuring one of Musk's tweets. She takes a photo at the location wearing a black beanie that reads "make more babies" with the billboard in the background. (File: 17.1.2024.webp) Zilis Activity in Austin: Concurrently in Austin, Shivon Zilis records a video of Musk playing video games (footage she will publish exactly one year later, in January 2025, acting as a retroactive marker of past events). January 18–22, 2024 (Musk's International Travel): Musk embarks on an international trip to Poland and London with Lil X. He departs Austin on the 18th at 5:00 AM and returns to Austin on January 22 at 10:00 PM, from where he immediately flies to San Jose, California. January 20, 2024 (ASC in Miami, Florida): Exactly 18 days after the alleged conception in St. Barts, ASC is photographed at a group event in Miami alongside political analyst Mike Benz, wearing a red dress. The image is publicly shared by Benz on X. (File: January 20, 2024.webp) February 2024 February 1, 2024 (Tweet Block - Eugenics and The Lord of the Rings): Activity on X: Shivon Zilis publishes a post making a literary joke about "perfecting eugenics and orc training in Mordor." ASC responds immediately, labeling them "Sauron Sympathizers" accompanied by laughing emojis. (File: image_88a3ff.png) Forensic Analysis / Subtexto: This occurs just a few weeks after the false conception window in St. Barts (January 2–3), which was debunked by flight logs and the Diablo IV streams. It is only one month before the birth of Arcadia (February 28) via surrogacy, likely through Orchid Health, since she adores that site. Shivon's comment is not casual; it is a public nod to embryo genetic selection and the DNA screening she was conducting in San Francisco. ASC replies to Zilis; they must have been planning something bad together. February 16, 2024: Musk lands and arrives at the Mar-a-Lago estate in Palm Beach, Florida, at 5:47 PM. February 17, 2024 (Palm Beach Activity): 10:37 AM: ASC posts a photograph from a hotel room in the Palm Beach area (cross-verification confirms the architectural features do not match Mar-a-Lago). (File: 2.17.2024a.webp) 2:06 PM (14:06): ASC posts photos practicing at the Palm Beach Shooting Center in Lake Worth, Florida, holding a long gun from behind. (File: 2.17.2024b.webp) 4:06 PM (16:06): Content creator Ada Lluch posts photos at the same shooting range wearing a coordinated "twin-style" outfit, proving a joint practice session of approximately two hours while Musk remained at Mar-a-Lago. (File: 2.17.2014c.webp) 5:34 PM (17:34): Musk departs Mar-a-Lago on his private jet to return directly to Austin, Texas. February 21, 2024 (Tweet Block): Activity on X: Shivon Zilis publishes a critique against judicial protocol, arguing that judges shouldn't automatically be called "The Honorable" before proving historic achievements, using Alexander the Great as an example. ASC responds with cynicism: "99% of judges give the rest a bad name." (File: image_88a7c2.png) February 25, 2024 (Tweet Block - Activist Judges and Shivon's Career): Activity on X: Shivon Zilis harshly attacks the concept of an "activist judge," asking in a post for tolerance toward them to be "curbed quickly." ASC takes the opportunity to reply using a highly specific combination of words: "philosophy, political science, and law schools." (File: image_88fdf8.jpg) Forensic Analysis / Subtexto: Just 3 days before Arcadia's birth. The use of the word "philosophy" is a direct shot at Shivon's vulnerable spot (she graduated with a degree in Philosophy from Yale and was placed as an executive at Neuralink, Tesla, and OpenAI without a technical background). Nobody ever understood this at the time, but after the OpenAI trial, it makes sense. ASC is launching a veiled warning that she knows how to operate in the courts if her financial demands are not met. February 28, 2024 (Birth of Arcadia): The child is born. Records establish that Shivon Zilis did not undergo a physical pregnancy of her own. March 2024 March 3, 2024: Musk travels back to Mar-a-Lago, arriving around midnight (between March 2 and 3) for political briefings with Donald Trump. He leaves the estate on March 3 at 2:50 PM, at which point Trump heads to a campaign rally in Richmond, Virginia. March 4, 2024: ASC posts a photo alongside CB_Doge at a shopping mall in New York City. (Photo: As flat as a pancake). Elon arrived at Mar-A-Lago, Florida at midnight (2/3) and will return to Austin on March 3 at 2:50 PM. March 10, 2024: ASC travels to Miami to record an interview for The Rubin Report podcast, hosted by Dave Rubin. March 11, 2024 (ASC Travels to Austin): ASC flies to Austin, Texas, and checks in to stay on the couch at the residence of digital host Ellie in Space. She is photographed in the home's pool during the morning, and later that evening, she joins Ellie's livestream broadcast. Throughout the interview, she stays glued to her phone, stating textually: "I'm gonna eat a donut and go to bed." Her midsection appears completely flat; she shows no physical signs compatible with a late-stage pregnancy. Meanwhile, Ellie uploads a video clip reporting a Tesla Cybertruck sighting at an Austin mall. March 12, 2024: ASC is already back in New York City (tweeting comments about the morning headlines of the New York Times), confirming she did not join Ellie's trip south. Ellie drives down to Boca Chica, Texas, to cover the third test launch of Starship (Starship Flight 3, scheduled for March 14). Musk leaves Austin to begin a European tour (Paris, Berlin, and London) traveling with Lil X. The trip coincides with activist attacks that damaged the Tesla Gigafactory facilities in Berlin. March 13 & 15, 2024 (Tweet Block - Simulation and the "60%" Figure): Activity on X: A public interaction is logged where Shivon Zilis proposes the idea of creating a simulation video game to find a "successful strategy" to escape the civilization trap. ASC replies with an absurdly specific stat: "60% just end up with VR goggles in the game." (File: March 13, 2024.webp) This happens just a week before ASC moves into her luxury apartment in Manhattan (March 20), funded by Jared Birchall's LLC. Does the "60%" figure correlate to the transactional pattern of the X interaction contract (designed to hit around 6 interactions a month to artificially inflate her impressions and secure revenue)????? ASC uses the number as a coded reminder of her negotiation terms and the financial backing on the table right before getting her apartment keys??? Meanwhile, Zilis moves into a bigger house up on the mountain in Austin to spy on everyone, including Musk. March 14, 2024: Musk returns from Europe to New York City at 1:47 AM. Accompanied by Lil X, he spends the day meeting with legal counsel regarding the ongoing SEC investigation. Due to these critical legal commitments, he does not physically attend the Starship III launch in Boca Chica that morning. At 4:56 PM, he flies out of New York back to Austin. March 15, 2024 (Additional Post by Zilis): Shivon Zilis posts: "Not to say that anyone is perfect, but it seems obvious that historians will look back in horrified disbelief that the American government went so far out of its way to stymie its greatest technological asset", accompanied by three images (a Tesla on a flatbed truck, a rocket launch, and Earth from space). (File: March 15, 2024.webp). Back then, she wanted us to believe she wasn't an insider. But she was. March 20, 2024 (Manhattan Apartment Move): ASC posts pictures showing her move into a new luxury residential apartment in Manhattan. The photos reveal interior design details (cabinets and a countertop with lemons and peaches) that perfectly match the finishes of units featured in Wall Street Journal real estate profiles. The property is registered under a limited liability company (LLC) managed by Jared Birchall, matching the address provided in subsequent court filings. (File: March 20, 2026.webp) April 2024 April 2, 2024 (New York City Premiere): Musk lands in New York at 6:00 PM with Lil X to attend the special premiere of the documentary series “A Brief History of the Future” (invited by executive producer Kathryn Murdoch). The film features a brief cameo by Grimes, who does not attend the event. Musk stays strictly within the venue and is heavily photographed by attendees during the after-party; Lil X remains in the same area playing with his nanny. Musk leaves the city that same night at 11:00 PM. Analytical Note: ASC does not attend the event, and no contact is recorded with Musk during his brief five-hour stay in the city. (Files: April 2, 2024a.webp - Photocall / April 2, 2024.webp - After-party) Mid-April 2024: ASC posts pictures on her paid X subscription channel claiming they represent her current pregnancy. Visual comparison confirms that the photographs actually date back to her first real physical pregnancy in 2021 with Johnny. April 3, 2024: Ashley St. Clair is photographed with a man wearing a Doge t-shirt at a creperie. (File: 3.4.2024.webp) April 5, 2024: At 10:24 AM, ASC shares a selfie taken with Lauren Southern, captioned: "The bimbo revolution is beginning." (File: 5.4.2024.webp) April 9, 2024: OpenAI formally files a legal answer and countersuit against Elon Musk's initial lawsuit. April 11, 2024: Digital Break: Public tracking notes that Musk has officially unsubscribed from ASC's paid content channel on X (executed sometime between March 22 and April 11). Relocation: Concurrently, Shivon Zilis finalizes the closing on a residential property located just one kilometer (about 0.6 miles) away from Musk's primary Austin compound. April 15, 2024: OpenAI officially opens its first Asian corporate branch office in Tokyo, Japan. April 27, 2024: ASC posts an update on X stating, "What are we driving around NYC," showing herself behind the wheel of a car on New York streets. This data directly contradicts later claims fed to media outlets alleging a period of total, strict domestic confinement during those weeks. (File: 27.4.2024.webp) July 2024 July 2, 2024 Birchal formally serve ASC with a restraining order prohibiting her from permanently relocating her legal primary residence from New York State to Texas Social Media Evidence: User CB_Doge posts a photograph having Indian food with ASC in New York. In the image, ASC's anatomical silhouette displays a completely flat abdomen, showing no physical signs or volume indicative of pregnancy, even though the alleged gestational timeline would require a highly visible physical condition by this date. July 10, 2024: Livestream Activity: Elon Musk participates in a live stream with the Neuralink team. Night of July 10–11, 2024: San Francisco Location: While Ashley is traveling to Rome, Elon Musk's presence on the West Coast is confirmed. Evidence of this event is from Musk explaining that they got stuck in the X/Twitter HQ garage on Market Street due to street disruptions. July 13, 2024 (Trip to Rome): Ashley St. Clair posts from Rome with a selfie next to the Colosseum: "came to rome to think about the roman empire 🇮🇹". (Files: July 13, 2024.webp and July 13,2024a.webp) Hilary Crowder reposts a photo of Ashley and a friend at the Trevi Fountain in Rome. (File: July 13, 2024.webp – repost) Musk, July 13, 2024 in Memphis. (Photo). July 15, 2024 (Tweet): She post on X. ASC utilized the X platform to preview elements of her legal and pressure strategy. By dropping the name Romulus in a public conversation tied to Rome, she left a digital footprint to retroactively validate her narrative. It functioned as a veiled warning regarding the formal paternity claim and the legal surname change to "Musk" that her attorneys would formally demand in writing just two months later, on September 16. July 16, 2024: Tech Infrastructure Update: The hands-on technical work performed days prior is highlighted publicly. The file "Tesla Newswire on July 16, 2024..jpg" displays a post by The Tesla Newswire fan account, detailing how Musk was pulling network cables at Tesla and xAI to better understand the critical path of the supercomputer cluster projects. July 18, 2024: Lex Fridman visits the computing clusters in Memphis and Texas. This encounter is recorded in the file "This was a few days later in Memphis again with Lex Fridman on July 18, 2024..jpg", featuring a photo of Fridman and Musk inside the facility alongside a post where Fridman notes he was blown away by the rapid rate of progress at the xAI and Tesla supercomputer clusters. August 2024 August 24–25, 2024: Musk travels to the Hamptons region (Long Island, New York), landing at Gabreski Airport on August 24 at 2:40 PM. He attends a charitable benefit gala at the Parrish Art Museum (Water Mill) as an honored guest speaker and attends a corporate leadership forum on the 25th. August 25: He attends the conference of business leaders and returns to Austin from the Hamptons at 3:36 PM. Romulus will be born 4 weeks later. No one mentions seeing her at the conference, guest lists, or social chronicles. September 2024 September 7, 2024: Musk attends an Incubus concert in Austin, Texas. Shivon Zilis attends the same concert accompanied by a female friend (with a high probability that Musk's older children were also present). (File: 6.09.24.webp) September 16, 2024 (Urgent Legal Notice): One day prior to the estimated birth date of the child Romulus, ASC's attorney, Karen Rosenthal (of Bikel Rosenthal & Schanfield), sends an urgent email to Jared Birchall with the subject line “RE: Modification”. The message includes an attached legal draft titled StClair.Musk Agreement 9.16.24.docx, demanding an immediate DNA paternity test and a substantial financial settlement along with the legal change of the child's last name to “Musk.” (File: Sept 16, 2024.webp) September 17–20, 2024 (Approximate): Birth of Romulus in New York. Subsequent court filings reflect a corrected gestational age of 37 weeks in the complaint. September 21, 2024 (First Custody Visit): According to family court docket logs, Musk conducts his first supervised visit to meet the baby in New York. Court records log the visit duration as exactly one hour (noted as two hours in supplemental defense exhibits). During this meeting, ASC hands Musk a gothic beanie reading "Make America Great." No photographic records of the meeting with the infant are taken on this date. September 22: Court records state he saw Romulus for 2 hours. Honestly, I'm not entirely clear on the truth here. This woman lies as a rule; it's rare when she actually tells the truth. October 2024 October 1, 2024 (Postpartum Public Appearance): Barely 14 days post-birth, ASC makes a high-profile public appearance in New York at the Vice Presidential Debate, appearing with Alex and Jack Posobiec. She attends wearing a form-fitting red lace dress and high stiletto heels. Her silhouette reveals a fully defined waistline and a flat stomach. Note: Physiologically, even under extraordinary genetics, postpartum uterine distension, where the uterus remains the size of a small grapefruit, leaves a noticeable protrusion at 14 days. Furthermore, her chest proportions are entirely normative and pre-pregnancy, lacking the distinct engorgement, vascularization, and volume characteristic of breasts flooded with lymph and breast milk during the second week postpartum (or the edema from its chemical suppression). She walks and poses comfortably in high stilettos, showing no signs of central joint laxity caused by the hormone relaxin or the lumbar fatigue typical of the immediate postpartum period. October 3, 2024 (Austin Livestream): ASC flies to Austin, Texas, and stays on the couch at the residence of Ellie in Space. During the morning, she is captured at the property pool wearing a swimsuit that exposes a flat torso devoid of postpartum signs. That night, she participates in a livestream on Ellie's platform wearing a tracksuit, glasses, and her hair tied up, remaining awake on set until 2:30 AM watching the television series Chernobyl. (File: 10.01.24.webp - Combined pool and livestream record) October 4, 2024: ASC posts a photo on social media focused on her midriff, displaying a completely flat abdominal wall at 5 weeks post-birth. (File: 4.10.24.webp) October 20, 2024 (Pittsburgh Events): Around midnight between October 19 and 20, Musk arrives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, to lead an electoral Town Hall event. The event is broadcast entirely live; Musk exits the venue at 6:54 PM. ASC posts messages on X hinting she is present, but event attendees confirm nobody saw her at the venue. Concurrently at 4:00 PM, ASC attends a Turning Point voter registration tailgate event in Pittsburgh, where she is photographed next to Antonio Brown. The child Romulus is 4 weeks old on this date. October 21, 2024: ASC attends a private party in New York City with Arynne Wexler, Alex, and Jack Posobiec. An image is shared of ASC and Wexler wearing hats that read “MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN” with the caption: “The girls love America ❤️”. (File: 10.21.24.webp) November and December 2024 November 4, 2024: Musk officially terminates and revokes his paid subscription to ASC's channel on X. Around the same time, ASC shares a post wearing a political t-shirt reading “HELL YEAH I VOTED TRUMP AND I WILL DO IT AGAIN 2024”. (File: 10.04.24.webp). Now she says she was in a cult, which is like saying they removed what little brain she had left. November 29, 2024: Analyst Mike Benz publishes a photo collage titled “Messin’ With Texas,” documenting a dinner that took place the night before at an Austin establishment. The images feature Benz, ASC, and a second female companion. November 30, 2024 (Second Visit according to her, I think it was the first. ): A meeting is executed between Musk and the baby in Austin, lasting a strict 30 minutes, serving as the setting for ASC's second trip to Texas to display the infant. A single media photograph is captured of Musk holding the child with a visible expression of uncertainty and awkwardness. According to subsequent court filings submitted on February 21, 2025, this date marks the final occasion Musk had physical contact with the child. December 2024: The paid digital media partnership, positioning, and engagement amplification contract on X reaches its formal expiration date. Just get paid this month extra, that's all. Not bad for not doing much. submitted by /u/Nervous-Driver-4549 to r/ElonChat_Commentary [link] [comments]

I'm needing a little help for myself. Graduation is a week away and all I have to wear are jeans & tshirts. Which is what I will wear if I have to. I've not had to dress up for anything in a very long time so I have nothing. I've been preparing for my kid's graduation and never thought about myself. I have a couple pairs of flip flops and a few clothing options on my registry. (Any opinions on the outfits please share!) I've set up a fund on the registry if anyone could please contribute. It is just enough for a pair of the flip flops and one of the outfits. Thank you so much for reading and/or even considering 🫶🏽❤️🫶🏽 https://www.amazon.com/registries/gl/guest-view/1NG1S6PM1MKNJ?ref\_=cm\_sw\_r\_mwn\_ggr-subnav-share\_9QHC9CKTQMXDZG4M592W&language=en-US submitted by /u/TNCoke82 to r/RandomactsofAmazon2 [link] [comments]

Last guest messaged me before check in suggesting I put full length mirrors in each bedroom. Sweet! I already have this! In fact I even have an extra full length mirror in a closet because I didn't know there was one in a room already. I messaged her back agreeing it's annoying when you can't check your whole outfit and saying there are mirrors on the back of every bedroom door and in the bathroom and thanking her for the suggestion. So she removed the mirror from the master bedroom and put it in one of the other bedrooms. So now that room has 2 full length mirrors and the master has none. I'm not upset, I'm just confused. She even messaged me to let me know she had done this. Huh? They also disabled the exterior cameras and an end table is missing. These people are my age and were here for the graduation of their college kid and I'm just flabbergasted. My noise monitor never went off so I don't think they had a party. Strange. The end table was nothing fancy and I'll just replace it but who steals an end table? They also moved the living room furniture slightly, just enough for my cleaner to send me a video asking if he was insane because that's not how the room looked last week. Lol! Hosting has been a wild ride so far. submitted by /u/LesserKnownJen to r/airbnb_hosts [link] [comments]

Is it okay to wear an all-white outfit to my sister’s university graduation? I brought aritzia white dress pants with a white Ralph Lauren sweater not a dress or anything bridal. Would this seem inappropriate or overdressed as a guest? submitted by /u/DebateDifferent6696 to r/NoStupidQuestions [link] [comments]

https://preview.redd.it/gepqmdiz8ezg1.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e0bee94945eccb11eb7f085e28b73a0e0c1b0d6b A family member will be graduating from college this semester. My son wants to wear a similar outfit with black leather Chelsea dress boots. I think it's slightly too casual for me, but not wrong enough to matter for a young man. But I'd thought I'd run it by the experts. Is this OK to wear? submitted by /u/grandpaRicky to r/mensfashion [link] [comments]

I'm a woman about to graduate for context. I understand that my gown will cover a majority of my outfit but are there social rules like no light pink dresses, no skin tight dresses or no cleavage? My university doesn't have information about what to wear. submitted by /u/yellow_algae to r/UniUK [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/odysseys_kitten Originally posted to r/AITAH Previous BoRUs: #1 [Tangential Updates to an ongoing BoRU]: AITAH for not telling my dad that he wouldn’t be walking me down the aisle? Editor's note: removed older relevant comments for space in this latest BoRU Trigger Warnings: transphobia, body shaming, child neglect/abandonment, manipulation, minimizing, victim blaming RECAP Original Post: August 7, 2025 So 25ish years ago two dumb 20 year olds got drunk and made me. They had and still have nothing in common, don't particularly like one another, but for some reason decided to keep me. I always lived with my mom full-time. I love her don't get me wrong, but she's pretty messy. I have 6 other half-siblings, two of them have the same dad. We always had a clean place to live and never went hungry or anything, but I know there were times that she did so we wouldn't. Mom very clearly loves all of us individually and as her family, she's just pretty irresponsible. My dad I'd say more has his shit together, but we're not close. He married Hildy (also mid 40s now) when I was 6ish, and they had my half-brothers Jesse (16) and Kyle (14) a few years later. They both have really good jobs and a nice house and cars. I know my dad paid child support, but their lives simply were very different than mine. I'd come over every other weekend but after a while they were too busy with the other two, so I'd just wait for dad to text me when he was available. He did, don't get me wrong, but he works a LOT, so I probably saw him once a month before I went to college, and after that we'd talk every now and then but mainly just see one another on holidays. One of these holidays, Hildy got kind of drunk and told me that after my mom had me my dad basically blocked her and just paid child support until his parents (my grandma and grandpa) basically shamed him for being a deadbeat and he got some visitation. That hurt a lot to hear, but it made a lot of my childhood make sense. It all came up because she was resentful that he had to pay my mom child support until I was 21, and was saying she had wished I'd skipped college. It's also sad, because I know she was busy with her kids, but I always thought she at least liked me. Like, I know she HATES my mom because it was maybe petty, but when they had Jesse they replaced my room at their house with the nursery and pout my stuff in another one, so my mom filed and was awarded MUCH more child support than she had been getting, and that affected them. It's fine, there was free therapy at college and I'm actually doing great career and mental-health wise now, in fact, my fiancé and I make about as much as they do (granted less property etc.). So I'm in a good place! Literally freshman week I met my now fiancé John (25), but we didn't start dating for two years and have been inseparable ever since. His family is AMAZING - super loving, involved but not pushy, and kind. They do have a lot of money, and idc if you don't believe me but even if they were broke I'd be so lucky to be marrying into their family. Like, just an example of how amazing they are, his mom gave him her grandmother's ring to propose and has offered me any and all of her or her sisters' jewelry to borrow for the wedding, his dad helped my brother get a job in his industry (he deserved it, but it's a hard one to crack into!), and even his sister is going to be my MOH! Ok maybe these are stupid examples, but they've told me before I don't need to apologize for my crazy and kind of trashy mom and have even thanked her for raising the love of their sons life. They're just SO happy and positive and full of love, I'm SOOO lucky. I've been so good about setting up boundaries, like with my mom, I laid it out that I'm not her best friend, she's not Lorelai Gilmore and I'm not Rory, I'm her daughter and always have been. We've had some come to Jesus moments but are in a MUCH better place, and I am sad (?) but also very happy to say that she's been a MUCH more responsible mother to my four youngest siblings than she was to my brother (diff dad) Jake (23) and me. And my dad and I have never been close, but I've tried. When John and I were talking about getting engaged, he asked me if I wanted him to ask my dad's 'permission.' At first I said no, what's the point? Then I was like, ok, I'm his ONLY daughter, he's kind of traditional, and he was more or less there for me growing up. So he did, and dad was tickled pink just as I expected. They never said they had any money for the wedding or offered any, which wasn't shocking or anything, and I didn't ask. So after all that background, we're getting married soon! It will be in John's hometown, which is a pretty nice place that people go to for vacations, and they know basically the hole town so it will be a huge event. His family (and to be honest, we) want a big wedding, but since we're just starting our careers out, his parents are paying for the whole thing (I am paying for my dress though, and my mom and younger sibs travel). I kind of just assumed my dad would walk me down the aisle, but a few weeks ago at one of my showers, Hildy was talking with John's mom, who was saying how proud they must have been that I paid my own way through college. Hildy was like oh yeah, it looked really hard, we're glad that we started saving towards our sons college funds a long time ago, they have more than enough for undergrad and probably grad school. I overheard this and confirmed with John's mom what she said. It hurt so badly. College was a struggle, there were times all I had were multivitamins and PB&Js, and only because my mom would send me $20 here and there. Don't get me wrong, I'm also proud of myself, and I know the boys are both their kids while I'm just my dad’s so of course they'll give them more, but it REALLY solidified to me who and what I was to them. So I asked my brother Jake to walk me down the aisle. John and his family know about this and 100% support me. Hildy called me yesterday asking about the rehearsal dinner, where they'd need to be and when, and I told her they wouldn't need to be at the church or anything and could just go to the restaurant after. She was like oh well how will your dad practice walking you down the aisle? It was super awkward and I let her know Jake would be, but I was excited to see them. A few hours later my dad came to our condo and told me how disappointed he was, he said he's been dreaming of giving me away my whole life. I was in a pretty good headspace luckily and was just like, oh I didn't know you'd want to and didn't expect you to care, trying to be nonchalant and avoid drama. He was aggressive, though and wouldn't let it go, saying I was trying to make him look like an idiot and if Hildy hadn't asked he would have shown up thinking he'd walk me down the aisle. I asked him why he would assume that and he looked at me like I was stupid. But I wanted to hear him say it, and he finally said that any father would expect that. I was just like, sure, but any other father PROBABLY DIDN'T ignore their daughter for the first few months of their life, have as minimal custody as possible, or have college funds for some of their kids but not others. They PROBABLY DID do things like take their daughters on vacation, attend a single father daughter event, and help them out even though they were legally 'done.' He got mad, but honestly couldn't even argue, and just said he wasn't sure if he approved of this marriage anymore. I told him I wasn't worried about that, and the truth was that we just simply weren't very important people to one another. He got really sad after that and left, and even though John agrees with my decisions, he said I should have given my dad the heads up about what I wanted from him at the wedding. As much as I value his opinion, i also feel like he doesn't get it. His family loves him and would do anything for him and has, while my dad has only ever done the bare legal minimum when I needed him. I never assumed he would help me and he shouldn't assume he can play a role in my wedding. I know I'm not the asshole for having my brother walk me down the aisle, that's no debate. But was I wrong for not directly spelling out for my dad that he would be attending as a guest and only a guest? AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA   Update: August 12, 2025 (five days later) Update: AITAH for not telling my dad he wouldn’t be walking me down the aisle? Thanks for all of your comments m, I think I read all of them. It was very cathartic, and to be honest, even though it was overwhelmingly NTA, I actually started to agree with the YTA folks (who were mostly still very nice). I should have put on my big girl pants and just told my dad he would be a guest at my wedding and nothing more, i wasn't doing anyone a favor by not being upfront. I apologized (kind of) to my fiancé, he totally understood and admitted he doesn't really understand my family dynamic, which I told him I was glad for. I mentioned in some comments, but one of my dad’s sons came out as trans a few years ago. I know they were hoping it was a phase, but to their credit they did let him take puberty blockers. Well its at this point not looking like a phase anymore, and I think that's where the whole 'my only daughter/ only chance' came from. In fact, after spending time with Hildy and hearing (with horror) about the things she's done, my SIL confided in me that she's pretty sure that if he and Hildy did have a daughter, he would refuse to walk me down the aisle before he was able to do it with her. My dad wrote me an email, I'm not going to post it because it's super lame and was just the same old song of poor him his life is so hard, he wasn't ready to be a dad, he did the best he could, he's always loved me blah blah blah no action items, no (probably false) promises to change, nothing new. No, he didn't offer any money for the wedding, but reiterated a LOT that he's always dreamed of walking me down the aisle. He did the whole ohh I know I haven't been perfect and you deserved a better dad and how he knew he could do better with his grandkids. I just replied that we looked forward to him being a guest at the wedding, and to remind me if they had any food allergies (unfortunately I care a lot and I know their youngest's allergies but whatever). I had already decided who'd be walking me down the aisle by then, so it didn't matter. My SIL is one of my dearest friends, and she and my fiancé John have been very sweet to me about all of this. They are their parents only two kids and very close, she's the one who convinced me to date John in the first place and I can never stop thanking her. She and my FIL always go (don't laugh) to this amateur wrestling thing in our city whenever he's in town, drink a lot of beer, and either John or myself pick them up. It's a fun thing, and they've always done it just the two of them, so I was shocked and thrilled that she invited me to go with them this past weekend. My FIL kept bragging about his 'two' daughters and my SIL told me she's so excited to finally have a sister. I told them my new plan for the ceremony and who would be walking me down the aisle (I had already told Jakers and he approved) and even though they're pretty traditional they thought it was a great idea. I'm excited for the future, I've worked really hard for my life, and yes I got super lucky with John and his family, and it's going to be a GREAT rest of my life, and the wedding will be a great start to it Sorry for the novels, but TL;DR: I will be walking myself down the aisle.   Editor's note: below are the tangential posts related to OOP's stepmother in the original posts I’m watching my stepmom become the loser she always told me I’d become and it’s amazing: November 19, 2025 (three months later from the previous post) So I was a mistake, my mom and dad were dumb idiots. Mom mostly raised me because my dad tried blocking her. After a while he was in my life and paid child support. He got married and had two more kids “the right way” and my stepmom Hildy never let it go how much better she was than me. How she and her kids had clothes from nice stores and not Walmart, and how they just didn’t have time to include me in the Christmas card picture, plus I wouldn’t have a nice enough outfit so oh well. One of their kids, my BROTHER, came out as trans a bit ago, and Hildy seemed very supportive. Apparently not. She’s been drinking, a lot, and gaining weight. She lost her job and I found out because she called me ranting in the middle of the day and saying that she lost her daughter and, like, I should have transitioned instead of him? It was so bizarre and I told my dad he needed to deal with it. He tried telling me that he wanted her to get therapy but honestly I don’t care except I don’t want her to ruin my brothers lives. Apparently she picked one of them up from school and smelled like wine. She has been so horrible to me my entire life that I’ve known her (most of it) and I don’t care that she’s unhappy. I have enjoyed watching her burn out. Yes I feel bad for my brothers, but this woman treated a literal child like trash because she hated my mom. She came to my bridal shower, wearing a white dress that she couldn’t even zip up the whole way. When people mentioned it, I just shook my head and ignored it - like she would do when people would point out that my jeans were too short that one time and in front of everyone she said she refused to spend their family’s money on clothes for me since my dad paid child support. Whatever, I don’t care. She deserves her life, and my dad deserves his marriage. And I’m clearly not a good person for laughing at all of this, so I guess I retroactively deserve my childhood. The only victims are my brothers. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Your dad is a piece of shit for not standing up for you, not including you, not buying you a nice outfit for the pictures and allowing her bullshit white dress at your wedding. Fuck your dad and fuck her. OOP: No my dad is a “pillar of the community” according to what Hildy told my mother-in-law. Pillar of the deadbeat community, sure Commenter 2: I don’t understand why you have a Relationship with your dad. OOP: Inertia (editor's note: resistance to change) Commenter 3: I’m so sorry you had to experience all of that. This is why my kids stay away from their Dad and his girlfriend. Their Dad is a POS who doesn't defend them, Doesn't think he should help with anything else because he pays child support & that's more than enough effort from him. The gf thinks she can mistreat my kids & My kids have to deal with it. Nope. Nope. Nope. I don't mean to be rude, But I'm glad your stepmom is getting her karma. Oooh, Wish I could whoop her ass for you! But looks like life and karma are already whooping her ass and You're getting a front row seat to it all! OOP: The worst part is that she hates my mom sooo much, and mom isn’t perfect by any measure, because of the whole child support thing when i find out that Hildy had apparently asked my mom not to go for a CS increase because they were going to have a baby, and “things were tight” (in retrospect, that was not my moms problem). She only went for the increase when Hildy kicked me out of my room. She couldn’t be a SAHM because of the child support apparently 🤭 all she had to do was treat me like a family member and it would have been fine. She’s been stepping on rakes for decades Commenter 4: How can she claim to not be trashy but does an incredibly trashy thing by asking to pay less child support? I feel like that is something someone from a low class upbringing would think was appropriate. OOP: She came from a pretty trashy family tbh, it was just projection Commenter 5: You are far better than that woman, it is ok to laugh. Things would not be better from holding back, anyone treating a child like that because they think they are better than, jealous of past partner or whatever, deserve all things bad. Ofc sucks for your siblings, still happy she is struggling. Just got to support your brother, because that is the mom, awful awful person! OOP: It’s bad because I don’t feel super responsible for my brothers. Obviously I’m always there for them, but at least they have my dad and he should be the one looking out for them. My mom was kind of a mess and I didn’t have a dad looking out for me, he was too busy with other stuff. They know they can always call me and I’ll be there, but I’m not going to pry.   Update: I’m watching my stepmom become the loser she always told me I’d become and it’s amazing: April 9, 2026 (nearly five months later) Months ago I posted about how my stepmom was becoming the loser she always said I’d be. Just in case you’re about to feel sorry for her with this update, don’t. This is a woman who bragged in front of my aunt and cousin that she once (going to vom) “offered my dad a full service blow job so that he wouldn’t pick me up for one of his weekends.” Yes, I know my dad is a loser, too don’t worry. He is a very minuscule and unimportant part of my life. But at least he finally left her! I wish he had done it before my wedding so I wouldn’t have had to invite her, but oh well. He has a new girlfriend, probably an affair partner but I don’t care. She’s actually nice to me the two times I’ve met her but I’m not going to have a relationship with her or anything, I only talk to my dad to see my half-brothers. Hildy (my fake name for stepmom) would always brag about her cute nuclear family (she loved bringing up that to my face, that her kids were a part of a nuclear family so things were different than me) and that I was an “afterthought”. Really nice to hear when you’re 13 :). She’d brag about how my dad took care of her and their kids, that she didn’t have to work if she didn’t want to, and that she only married him because he promised her that he’d “move on” from me. Which he did, but apparently not before making her sign a prenup. According to my uncle (dads brother), my grandpa made him make her sign one because he didn’t trust her, and she was delusional enough to think it didn’t matter because she was so amazing. Well now she’s living in some sad apartment, and my brothers don’t want to do visitation with her because it’s too small and they have to share a room. She had to get a different car because hers was in my dad’s name (they originally bonded over their stupid cars) and it’s constantly breaking down. She’ll get child support IF she manages to get 50/50, but since she’s only not working because she willingly quit a job a few months ago (she said there was “funny business” aka they thought she should be on time to work) per the prenup she isn’t going to get jack shit for alimony, and the house is only my dad’s. Again, my dad can go fuck himself, you’ll NEVER catch me defending him, and I hope his new gf makes him miserable too, but I don’t care if it makes me a bad person, I am loving my front row seat to Hildy’s circumstances. She’d tell everyone that if I graduated from high school she’d be shocked, that I’d probably have multiple baby daddies, and live in a trailer. Now she has two kids who don’t want to be around her, 50 extra pounds, and a DUI. Sometimes the trash truck is delayed, but at least it’s taking her away! Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I feel bad for your half-brothers. It’s good of you to tolerate a relationship with your father in order to see them. You’re the only actual adult in their life. OOP: Thank you, I’m not close to them tbh (by design) but I do care about them and feel bad they have to go through them divorcing. One of them is really starting to act like her, though and it sucks but I’m trying to stay positive! Commenter 2: I like this and you are so honest. I’m glad you don’t think your dad is a good guy. Cheers to his new girl making him miserable OOP: She’s been nice enough to me, and she’s quite pretty which i know kills Hildy on a molecular level (she’s pretty vain), but I hope the new gf is a secret psychopath and my dad ends up miserable and alone. He wouldn’t care if I did! Idk Commenter 3: The best revenge is living well. Forget them but keep the brothers in your world somehow. OOP: I will, I can be the bigger person. And despite her best efforts for me not to (like, she took my room at my dad’s away so her baby could have the best room, then when they had their second said that her babies shouldn’t have to share rooms with one another and I was too old to share a room with one of them and since it was only a three bedroom when I came over I just slept on the couch and didn’t have a room), I do still care about them. She’s always say she couldn’t like me bc she hated my mom, but that was bs for her own insecurity bc I don’t blame them at all for their mom. Then again, maturity or intelligence was never her strong suit 🤣 Commenter 4: You were never an afterthought. Especially to her. Her feeling the need to say that to you shows that you were in her forethought more than her own kids. OOP: lol ya after I turned 18 she said I’d never live in their house rent free and it’s all because I was already living rent free in her brain. Commenter 5: How did your wedding go? OOP: Great :) best day ever. Commenter 6: Happy for you. Question: Why did you feel obligated to invite her to anything? The bridal party or the wedding? I mean, you didn’t like her you could have just not invited her. OOP: Idk, I feel like it’s taken me a while to realize how abnormal all this was. Like growing up I always knew Hildy wasn’t THAT into me, especially after my brothers were born, but I was a kid and still assumed like all adults in my life she wanted what’s best for me or at least gave a fuck. Same with my dad. The past year plus has been really eye opening about how shitty my childhood was. Idk it just felt normal at the time. So it’s like, of course, I’d invite my dad and stepmom?   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP) OOP: u/odysseys_kitten Published on: r/AITAH & r/TrueOffMyChest Story is: CONCLUDED Story timeline Main Post: August 07, 2025 Update 1: August 12, 2025 Update 2: November 18, 2025 Final Update: April 09, 2026 Main Post August 07, 2025 AITAH for not telling my dad that he wouldn’t be walking me down the aisle? So 25ish years ago two dumb 20 year olds got drunk and made me. They had and still have nothing in common, don't particularly like one another, but for some reason decided to keep me. I always lived with my mom full-time. I love her don't get me wrong, but she's pretty messy. I have 6 other half-siblings, two of them have the same dad. We always had a clean place to live and never went hungry or anything, but I know there were times that she did so we wouldn't. Mom very clearly loves all of us individually and as her family, she's just pretty irresponsible. My dad I'd say more has his shit together, but we're not close. He married Hildy (also mid 40s now) when I was 6ish and they had my half-brothers Jesse (16) and Kyle (14) a few years later. They both have really good jobs and a nice house and cars. I know my dad paid child support but their lives simply were very different than mine. I'd come over every other weekend but after a while they were too busy with the other two so I'd just wait for dad to text me when he was available. He did, don't get me wrong, but he works a LOT so I probably saw him once a month before I went to college, and after that we'd talk every now and then but mainly just see one another on holidays. One of these holidays, Hildy got kind of drunk and told me that after my mom had me my dad basically blocked her and just paid child support until his parents (my grandma and grandpa) basically shamed him for being a deadbeat and he got some visitation. That hurt a lot to hear, but it made a lot of my childhood make sense. It all came up because she was resentful that he had to pay my mom child support until I was 21, and was saying she had wished I'd skipped college. It's also sad, because I know she was busy with her kids, but I always thought she at least liked me. Like, I know she HATES my mom because it was maybe petty but when they had Jesse they replaced my room at their house with the nursery and pout my stuff in another one, so my mom filed and was awarded MUCH more child support than she had been getting, and that affected them. It's fine, there was free therapy at college and I'm actually doing great career and mental-health wise now, in fact, my fiance and I make about as much as they do (granted less property etc). So I'm in a good place! Literally freshman week I met my now fiance John (25), but we didn't start dating for two years and have been inseparable ever since. His family is AMAZING - super loving, involved but not pushy, and kind. They do have a lot of money, and idc if you don't believe me but even if they were broke I'd be so lucky to be marrying into their family. Like, just an example of how amazing they are, his mom gave him her grandmother's ring to propose and has offered me any and all of her or her sisters' jewelry to borrow for the wedding, his dad helped my brother get a job in his industry (he deserved it, but it's a hard one to crack into!), and even his sister is going to be my MOH! Ok maybe these are stupid examples, but they've told me before I don't need to apologize for my crazy and kind of trashy mom and have even thanked her for raising the love of their sons life. They're just SO happy and positive and full of love, I'm SOOO lucky. I've been so good about setting up boundaries, like with my mom, I laid it out that I'm not her best friend, she's not Lorelai Gilmore and I'm not Rory, I'm her daughter and always have been. We've had some come to Jesus moments but are in a MUCH better place, and I am sad (?) but also very happy to say that she's been a MUCH more responsible mother to my four youngest siblings than she was to my brother (diff dad) Jake (23) and me. And my dad and I have never been close, but I've tried. When John and I were talking about getting engaged, he asked me if I wanted him to ask my dad's 'permission.' At first I said no, what's the point? Then I was like, ok, I'm his ONLY daughter, he's kind of traditional, and he was more or less there for me growing up. So he did, and dad was tickled pink just as I expected. They never said they had any money for the wedding or offered any, which wasn't shocking or anything, and I didn't ask. So after all that background, we're getting married soon! It will be in John's hometown, which is a pretty nice place that people go to for vacations and they know basically the hole town so it will be a huge event. His family (and to be honest, we) want a big wedding, but since we're just starting our careers out, his parents are paying for the whole thing (I am paying for my dress though, and my mom and younger sibs travel). I kind of just assumed my dad would walk me down the aisle, but a few weeks ago at one of my showers, Hildy was talking with John's mom, who was saying how proud they must have been that I paid my own way through college. Hildy was like oh yeah, it looked really hard, we're glad that we started saving towards our sons college funds a long time ago, they have more than enough for undergrad and probably grad school. I overheard this and confirmed with John's mom what she said. It hurt so bad. College was a struggle, there were times all I had were multivitamins and PB&Js, and only because my mom would send me $20 here and there. Don't get me wrong, I'm also proud of myself, and I know the boys are both their kids while I'm just my dads so of course they'll give them more, but it REALLY solidified to me who and what I was to them. So I asked my brother Jake to walk me down the aisle. John and his family know about this and 100% support me. Hildy called me yesterday asking about the rehearsal dinner, where they'd need to be and when, and I told her they wouldn't need to be at the church or anything and could just go to the restaurant after. She was like oh well how will your dad practice walking you down the aisle? It was super awkward and I let her know Jake would be, but I was excited to see them. A few hours later my dad came to our condo and told me how disappointed he was, he said he's been dreaming of giving me away my whole life. I was in a pretty good headspace luckily and was just like, oh I didn't know you'd want to and didn't expect you to care, trying to be nonchalant and avoid drama. He was aggressive, though and wouldn't let it go, saying I was trying to make him look like an idiot and if Hildy hadn't asked he would have shown up thinking he'd walk me down the aisle. I asked him why he would assume that and he looked at me like I was stupid. But I wanted to hear him say it, and he finally said that any father would expect that. I was just like, sure, but any other father PROBABLY DIDN'T ignore their daughter for the first few months of their life, have as minimal custody as possible, or have college funds for some of their kids but not others. They PROBABLY DID do things like take their daughters on vacation, attend a single father daughter event, and help them out even though they were legally 'done.' He got mad, but honestly couldn't even argue, and just said he wasn't sure if he approved of this marriage anymore. I told him I wasn't worried about that, and the truth was that we just simply weren't very important people to one another. He got really sad after that and left, and even though John agrees with my decisions, he said I should have given my dad the heads up about what I wanted from him at the wedding. As much as I value his opinion, i also feel like he doesn't get it. His family loves him and would do anything for him and has, while my dad has only ever done the bare legal minimum when I needed him. I never assumed he would help me and he shouldn't assume he can play a role in my wedding. I know I'm not the asshole for having my brother walk me down the aisle, that's no debate. But was I wrong for not directly spelling out for my dad that he would be attending as a guest and only a guest? ADDITIONAL CONTEXT FROM COMMENTS It was the first two years of college. She sent me a few hundred dollars am but did use the money for my health insurance and if something came up (an issue at the house that I lived at in the summer btw) Even if she spent any of it on my siblings it doesn’t matter? It was her money After I turned 21 is when it got hard and she’d sent me $20 when she could, I haven’t received a dime from dad since I turned 21. & The surviving on sandwiches and vitamins was after I turned 21, before that she was sending me more money. Before she refiled when they took my first room away, his child support was like $40 a month since they calculated it when he was in college. By that point he had been working his big boy job for YEARS and was ordered to pay over 10x that, which infuriated them to the point they didn’t want to see me for a few months after their first kid was born. Hildy still brings it up as one of the worst things anyone has ever done to anybody in the history of humanity. So much so that when I was a teenager and completely miserable with the seven thousand kids living at my moms and asked to live with my dads she freaked out, told me it wasn’t my home and never would be, and would leave during any visitation I’d come over for. Once she came back early and just stared at me (I was on the couch watching a game with dad) until she told him it was time to take me home. I was supposed to spend the night that night and I don’t think I ever did again. And my dad went along with all of this.   COMMENTS Shame_Swimming Not even remotely close to being an asshole. Your dad has some nerve having expectations of you after not treating you like an equal child your entire life. I’d have punched him at the “dreaming of giving me away his whole life.” You don’t owe him jack shit. Did he give you a heads up before becoming a deadbeat? Did he give you a heads up about not paying for your college but paying for your half-sibling? The audacity to say he doesn’t approve. Honestly good, because now you can uninvite him without feeling guilty. Who would want to attend a wedding they don’t approve of? OOP Honestly, I doubt he’s been dreaming of this for more than a few years. One of my brothers is trans so I’m sure he thought that was his redo daughter he could do all of the father daughter stuff with, but that isn’t happening anymore. Public_Report_2030 NTA- I am absolutely gutted. That Hildy is a piece of work. OOP lol after that drunken confession for their next anniversary I gave them a card and wrote how much they deserved and were perfect for one another and they thought it was sweet like I looked up to them and not like in a man every fucked up pot deserves a fucked up lid. SELydon did he tell you that he would NOT provide funding for your education but would fund other children's educations? Did he tell you when he would NOT take you on vacation? Did he tell you when you no longer had a room in his house? Did he tell you when he didn't do any father / daughter events? He has skipped so much of your life that was private without any notice or warnings, why would he expect to be central to any big moments? Its only a minor embarrassment to him. He probably told people about your wedding and your achievements but never mentioned they had nothing to do with him as he is more of a stranger to you NTA OOP I always had a room at his house, my mom was just mad when I showed up and all my stuff was in a guest room and they were redoing “my” room into the nursery. In their defense my room was the largest none master bedroom one and I was only there every other weekend and then barely at all FoolsballHomerun Info: Did your Mom have a college fund for you? Does she deserve some of the same blame you put on your dad for not starting a fund? Will you hold a grudge if she was financially able to start a fund for your younger siblings later? OOP I get where you think you’re coming from and I’ll be the first to say my mom wasn’t perfect, but this isn’t comparable. My mom WAS there, for every scrape knee, sickness, when I was heartbroken that my dad didn’t end up coming to get me for his weekend. She never had a lot of money so ofc she didn’t have a fund for me. She didn’t for Jake either and likely doesn’t for the others. The difference is that my dad DOES have ones for my half siblings, and has since they were born. Also, in my post I literally talked about my complicated feelings surrounding how my mom has improved so much as a parent in time for my younger siblings to benefit. Update 1 - after 5 days August 12, 2025 Update: AITAH for not telling my dad he wouldn’t be walking me down the aisle? Thanks for all of your comments m, I think I read all of them. It was very cathartic, and to be honest, even though it was overwhelmingly NTA, I actually started to agree with the YTA folks (who were mostly still very nice). I should have put on my big girl pants and just told my dad he would be a guest at my wedding and nothing more, i wasn't doing anyone a favor by not being upfront. I apologized (kind of) to my fiance, he totally understood and admitted he doesn't really understand my family dynamic, which I told him I was glad for. I mentioned in some comments, but one of my dads sons came out as trans a few years ago. I know they were hoping it was a phase, but to their credit they did let him take puberty blockers. Well its at this point not looking like a phase anymore, and I think that's where the whole 'my only daughter/ only chance' came from. In fact, after spending time with Hildy and hearing (with horror) about the things she's done, my SIL confided in me that she's pretty sure that if he and Hildy did have a daughter, he would refuse to walk me down the aisle before he was able to do it with her. My dad wrote me an email, I'm not going to post it because it's super lame and was just the same old song of poor him his life is so hard, he wasn't ready to be a dad, he did the best he could, he's always loved me blah blah blah no action items, no (probably false) promises to change, nothing new. No, he didn't offer any money for the wedding, but reiterated a LOT that he's always dreamed of walking me down the aisle. He did the whole ohh I know I haven't been perfect and you deserved a better dad and how he knew he could do better with his grandkids. I just replied that we looked forward to him being a guest at the wedding, and to remind me if they had any food allergies (unfortunately I care a lot and I know their youngest's allergies but whatever). I had already decided who'd be walking me down the aisle by then so it didn't matter. My SIL is one of my dearest friends, and she and my fiance John have been very sweet to me about all of this. They are their parents only two kids and very close, she's the one who convinced me to date John in the first place and I can never stop thanking her. She and my FIL always go (don't laugh) to this amatuer wrestling thing in our city whenever he's in town, drink a lot of beer, and either John or myself pick them up. It's a fun thing, and they've always done it just the two of them so I was shocked and thrilled that she invited me to go with them this past weekend. My FIL kept bragging about his 'two' daughters and my SIL told me she's so excited to finally have a sister. I told them my new plan for the ceremony and who would be walking me down the aisle (I had already told Jakers and he approved) and even though they're pretty traditional they thought it was a great idea. I'm excited for the future, I've worked really hard for my life, and yes I got super lucky with John and his family, and it's going to be a GREAT rest of my life, and the wedding will be a great start to it Sorry for the novels, but TL;DR: I will be walking myself down the aisle.   COMMENTS MajorNoodles Maybe you answered this in a comment that I missed, but why did you decide to no longer have your brother walk you down the aisle? OOP I was having him walk me down the aisle because he’s the closest man I have in my family, and that’s what I thought I had to do - be walked down by a family member, ideally a man. But I will be “giving myself away” :) Akiranar Curious to know some of the horrific things that Hildy has done that makes you know that if Hildy had a girl your dad would have dumped you like yesterday's trash. If it's too personal to tell, it's fine. I am just how curious what a POS Hildy really was. I seriously think some people watch Cinderella and Snow White and think the stepmothers are role models. OOP My brother is trans (afab) so yeah Akiranar Ah. Hildy is also Transphobic. Gotcha. Total POS. You and your brother deserve happiness. Screw her. OOP She’s not. They’ve been very supportive of my brother. I’m saying I think a lot of this came out because he realized I’m his only daughter. I’m also almost 100% certain that if he had a daughter with Hildy he wouldn’t be allowed to walk me down the aisle until he walked her down first - just like how he was never able to go my father daughter dances (fine in retrospect bc those were cringe!!) Please read the update title, as it doesn’t match the main post. I’ve combined them into a single BORU since they’re related. Update 2 - after 3.5 months November 18, 2025 I’m watching my stepmom become the loser she always told me I’d become and it’s amazing. So I was a mistake, my mom and dad were dumb idiots. Mom mostly raised me because my dad tried blocking her. After a while he was in my life and paid child support. He got married and had two more kids “the right way” and my stepmom Hildy never let it go how much better she was than me. How she and her kids had clothes from nice stores and not Walmart, and how they just didn’t have time to include me in the Christmas card picture, plus I wouldn’t have a nice enough outfit so oh well. One of their kids, my BROTHER, came out as trans a bit ago, and Hildy seemed very supportive. Apparently not. She’s been drinking, a lot, and gaining weight. She lost her job and I found out because she called me ranting in the middle of the day and saying that she lost her daughter and, like, I should have transitioned instead of him? It was so bizarre and I told my dad he needed to deal with it. He tried telling me that he wanted her to get therapy but honestly I don’t care except I don’t want her to ruin my brothers lives. Apparently she picked one of them up from school and smelled like wine. She has been so horrible to me my entire life that I’ve known her (most of it) and I don’t care that she’s unhappy. I have enjoyed watching her burn out. Yes I feel bad for my brothers, but this woman treated a literal child like trash because she hated my mom. She came to my bridal shower, wearing a white dress that she couldn’t even zip up the whole way. When people mentioned it, I just shook my head and ignored it - like she would do when people would point out that my jeans were too short that one time and in front of everyone she said she refused to spend their family’s money on clothes for me since my dad paid child support. Whatever, I don’t care. She deserves her life, and my dad deserves his marriage. And I’m clearly not a good person for laughing at all of this, so I guess I retroactively deserve my childhood. The only victims are my brothers.   COMMENTS sufficient_garlic149 Your dad is a piece of shit for not standing up for you, not including you, not buying you a nice outfit for the pictures and allowing her bullshit white dress at your wedding. Fuck your dad and fuck her. OOP No my dad is a “pillar of the community” according to what Hildy told my mother-in-law. Pillar of the deadbeat community, sure _IAmNoLongerThere_ Im so sorry you had to experience all of that. This is why my kids stay away from their Dad and his girlfriend. Their Dad is a POS who doesn't defend them, Doesn't think he should help with anything else because he pays child support & that's more than enough effort from him. The gf thinks she can mistreat my kids & My kids have to deal with it. Nope. Nope. Nope. I don't mean to be rude, But I'm glad your stepmom is getting her karma. Oooh, Wish I could whoop her ass for you! But loo OOP The worst part is that she hates my mom sooo much, and mom isn’t perfect by any measure, because of the whole child support thing when i find out that Hildy had apparently asked my mom not to go for a CS increase because they were going to have a baby, and “things were tight” (in retrospect, that was not my moms problem). She only went for the increase when Hildy kicked me out of my room. She couldn’t be a SAHM because of the child support apparently 🤭 all she had to do was treat me like a family member and it would have been fine. She’s been stepping on rakes for decades Forsaken-Camp-5965 How can she claim to not be trashy but does an incredibly trashy thing by asking to pay less child support? I feel like that is something someone from a low class upbringing would think was appropriate. OOP She came from a pretty trashy family tbh, it was just projection Elexiz You are far better than that woman, it is ok to laugh. Things would not be better from holding back, anyone treating a child like that because they think they are better than, jealous of past partner or whatever, deserve all things bad. Ofc sucks for your siblings, still happy she is struggeling. Just got to support your brother, because that is the mom, awful awful person! OOP It’s bad because I don’t feel super responsible for my brothers. Obviously I’m always there for them, but at least they have my dad and he should be the one looking out for them. My mom was kind of a mess and I didn’t have a dad looking out for me, he was too busy with other stuff. They know they can always call me and I’ll be there, but I’m not going to pry. Final Update - after 4.5 months April 09, 2026 Update: I’m watching my stepmom become the loser she always told me I’d become and it’s amazing. Months ago I posted about how my stepmom was becoming the loser she always said I’d be. Just in case you’re about to feel sorry for her with this update, don’t. This is a woman who bragged in front of my aunt and cousin that she once (going to vom) “offered my dad a full service blow job so that he wouldn’t pick me up for one of his weekends.” Yes, I know my dad is a loser, too don’t worry. He is a very minuscule and unimportant part of my life. But at least he finally left her! I wish he had done it before my wedding so I wouldn’t have had to invite her, but oh well. He has a new girlfriend, probably an affair partner but I don’t care. She’s actually nice to me the two times I’ve met her but I’m not going to have a relationship with her or anything, I only talk to my dad to see my half brothers. Hildy (my fake name for stepmom) would always brag about her cute nuclear family (she loved bringing up that to my face, that her kids were a part of a nuclear family so things were different than me) and that I was an “afterthought”. Really nice to hear when you’re 13 :). She’d brag about how my dad took care of her and their kids, that she didn’t have to work if she didn’t want to, and that she only married him because he promised her that he’d “move on” from me. Which he did, but apparently not before making her sign a prenup. According to my uncle (dads brother), my grandpa made him make her sign one because he didn’t trust her, and she was delusional enough to think it didn’t matter because she was so amazing. Well now she’s living in some sad apartment and my brothers don’t want to do visitation with her because it’s too small and they have to share a room. She had to get a different car because hers was in my dad’s name (they originally bonded over their stupid cars) and it’s constantly breaking down. She’ll get child support IF she manages to get 50/50, but since she’s only not working because she willingly quit a job a few months ago (she said there was “funny business” aka they thought she should be on time to work) per the prenup she isn’t going to get jack shit for alimony, and the house is only my dads. Again, my dad can go fuck himself, you’ll NEVER catch me defending him, and I hope his new gf makes him miserable too, but I don’t care if it makes me a bad person, I am loving my front row seat to Hildy’s circumstances. She’d tell everyone that if I graduated from high school she’d be shocked, that I’d probably have multiple baby daddies, and live in a trailer. Now she has two kids who don’t want to be around her, 50 extra pounds, and a DUI. Sometimes the trash truck is delayed, but at least it’s taking her away!   COMMENTS Pleasant_Bad924 I feel bad for your half brothers. It’s good of you to tolerate a relationship with your father in order to see them. You’re the only actual adult in their life. OOP Thank you, I’m not close to them tbh (by design) but I do care about them and feel bad they have to go through them divorcing. One of them is really starting to act like her, though and it sucks but I’m trying to stay positive! Present-Assignment99 What in the world was she thinking?! Referring to a 13 year old as an afterthought is evil! I guess along with the long list things she did, this was par for the course. What did your mom do or say when this adult ridiculousness was going on? OOP My mom is messy lol she didn’t shield me from any of it Careless_Welder_4048 I like this and you are so honest. I’m glad you don’t think your dad is a good guy. Cheers to his new girl making him miserable OOP She’s been nice enough to me, and she’s quite pretty which i know kills Hildy on a molecular level (she’s pretty vain), but I hope the new gf is a secret psychopath and my dad ends up miserable and alone. He wouldn’t care if I did! Idk chunkymajor I'm delighted to hear about what's happening to her. But I mean it's pretty pathetic that you hate her so much but still invite your pos father to your wedding. I know your excuse is that you have half brothers but still. He's the one who truly failed and it was his job to protect you. You're still rewarding him with a relationship. Makes no sense. OOP lol read it again. I invited my dad to my wedding, she was his plus one. I didn’t let him walk me down the aisle, he had no place of honor, no speeches. I didn’t even invite him to the rehearsal dinner or the post wedding brunch. I keep him in my life so I can see my brothers. That’s all. DaftPump The best revenge is living well. Forget them but keep the brothers in your world somehow. OOP I will, I can be the bigger person. And despite her best efforts for me not to (like, she took my room at my dads away so her baby could have the best room, then when they had their second said that her babies shouldn’t have to share rooms with one another and I was too old to share a room with one of them and since it was only a three bedroom when I came over I just slept on the couch and didn’t have a room), I do still care about them. She’s always say she couldn’t like me bc she hated my mom, but that was bs for her own insecurity bc I don’t blame them at all for their mom. Then again, maturity or intelligence was never her strong suit 🤣   This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP) Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading. Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved. submitted by /u/BigONerd to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

This past November, my husband's good friend from college got married to his now wife and had a destination wedding abroad. We attended, because why not! My husband would get to see his friends from college (who he rarely sees since he moved after graduation) and we'd get to explore a new country. We had the means, although we budgeted for a while to make sure we could comfortably make the trip. Part of that budget was due to it being a black tie wedding, which was strictly spelled out on both the invite and wedding website. The rehearsal dinner was also a formal event. My husband and I do not go to many black tie events in general, so we had to rent a tux and purchase a gown and shoes for me. He also got some new dress shoes for the rehearsal and I got a dress for that as well. We arrived in the country about three days before the wedding. We were looking forward to exploring the area, connecting with husband's old friends, and meeting others attending the wedding (almost all guests were staying in our hotel). When we arrived to our hotel room, a wedding information card was waiting for us. It turns out that the events before the wedding were different than what was described on the wedding website. The formal rehearsal dinner had a strict color scheme (not mentioned on the site). And there was an additional event on the very next day that was not mentioned on the site at all, with a formal dress code and its own specific color scheme. I could rustle together outfits for both events that would *sort of* work from what I had brought, but my husband could not. The outfit he'd selected for the rehearsal dinner was pretty much exactly the opposite of what the couple had requested. He'd also packed pretty light in general so we'd have room in the luggage for souvenirs (and the required tux took up a decent amount of room). Once we got settled in our room, we went down to the hotel bar where the couple had invited guests to stop by, have a drink, and mingle. After saying our hellos to the couple, the groom mentioned to us to make sure to follow the dress codes. My husband responded that he didn't have anything appropriate for the pre-wedding events, and the groom said not to worry, because there was a mall a few blocks away. He mentioned that a few of the other guests were planning on going there the next day and we could join them. We nixed the hike we'd planned the next day to join the group of guests travelling to the mall. I was a little disappointed, but exploring a mall in a new country was still an exciting idea! Plus, the first event was that night, and I wanted my husband to feel comfortable and not worry about being dressed inappropriately. There were about 8 of us going - a few we didn't know, and a few college acquaintances of my husband's. I was looking forward to getting to know them all, and everyone was cool. For some background, most of the guys in our group, including my husband, were big, athletic dudes (the groom had met most of his friends through playing sports). Not obese, just large framed and tall. The country we were in generally has a much shorter average height and weight than the US. (During our time there, I saw very few men over six feet tall other than tourists.) This made shopping for "big and tall" formal shirts and pants a huge challenge for almost all the guys in our group. We ended up spending a very, very long time at that mall. I managed to get a dress that fit the rehearsal color scheme better, so that was nice. But the excursion took up most of our day. Some of the guys, including my husband, had to settle for clothes that were too small, but fit well enough to be wearable once. We didn't get back to the hotel until about an hour before the event, so we had to rush to shower and get ready in order to make it to the shuttle. (We had to use the shuttle, as ubers are hard to get in this particular country, and cabs can be dangerous. Public transport could also be dangerous at night, and did not go to the location of this event). All in all, the wedding and other events were a TON of fun, and I thought the couple provided their guests with an awesome time. They are good people, and I was happy to be able to celebrate with them. I was just left scratching my head at their dress code choices. Oh, and every event was majority outdoors. Indoor spaces were open, and used ceiling fans but not AC. Since it was a tropical country, it was quite hot in November. I was glad I picked flowy dresses to wear, but those guys in their too-tight shirts were SWEATING. submitted by /u/LavenderAqua to r/weddingshaming [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AwayIngenuity8966 Originally posted to r/AITAH AITAH for refusing to "cover up" in front of my roommates? Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: manipulation, body shaming, bullying, misogyny Original Post: December 8, 2025 Throw away because my roommates have my other account. I (21F) live with two male roommates. I get it is kind of a weird dynamic for most people but it works for us! We had been living together before both of them got gfs, also I have had a bf for 4 years who is good friends with my roommates. I have never had issues with their gfs, even though they are at my place at least 5 days a week. But they mostly keep to their bfs rooms and they are truly nice people so it doesn't really bother me that much. The problem started about 5 months after we had been living together. I guess at some point both of their gfs got together to discuss what I have been wearing around the apartment. They confronted me without my roommates one afternoon, saying they would prefer I cover up when I leave my room because it makes everyone in the house really uncomfortable. I asked them to explain what I am wearing that makes them uncomfortable, to which they responded that they have yet to see me in an appropriate outfit... Now, valid concerns for the most part, but let me give some more context. I NEVER wear anything inappropriate out of my room, I get changed in the bathroom after showers and am ALWAYS fully covered when I leave my room. I wear baggy t-shirts and hoodies with sweat pants 90% of the time. The most scandalous thing I have worn is a tank top and shorts (not see through at all, and with a bra if that matters?). My shorts cover my ass completely and go to about mid thigh btw. All of this to say, my outfits would pass a high school dress code. Not to hype myself up, but I am blessed with a fat ass. Which I genuinely think is the biggest problem... The first time they brought it up, I made a point of only wearing sweatpants out of my room (not shorts). However, they brought it up AGAIN. They said "I thought we talked about your outfits, it makes us really uncomfortable. How would your bf feel about you dressing like this in front of other men.". This is where I was confused. I explain that I thought I was being respectful and more considerate of their wishes despite this being my apartment. They said I was not a true "girls girl" and that I was just waiting to "snatch their bfs". I replied with "It is not my fault you guys are insecure about your relationships, and I have done more than enough to make sure you guys are comfortable in my home. Your bfs have said nothing to me so I think you are being over dramatic. This is my apartment, you guys aren't on the lease, you are already here significantly more than what is allowed according to our lease. So I would tread lightly about making demands about how I can dress in MY apartment." They both said that I was full of myself and that their bfs would not sign a lease with me again. Funny though, after I talked to their bfs alone they had no idea what had happened and they still planned to resign the lease with me. I think it is crazy that they felt the need to gang up on me and try to dictate what I can wear in my own home. I would understand if I was dressing a little scandalous but I truly am not. How do I navigate this situation and am I the asshole?? EDIT: since way more people saw it than I thought would, and this is easier than answering comments. First, my roommates are angels and since I introduced them they have become really close to my bf (who does not live with us btw, Ik that seems weird but its just how things work out lol). So no, I am not looking for new roommates. As for my roommates apparently not resigning the lease with me (according to their gfs): my roommates had no idea why their gfs would say that and we are literally in the process of resigning the lease now. The gfs have not been over since the last conversation I have had with them. So about 5 days, which is very abnormal for them. According to one of my roommates, I scared his gf a little bit after they confronted me. So ig me standing up for myself and not caving into their delusions scared them a little bit? So I have yet to have another interaction with them, but apparently they are both coming over tonight... People wondering about what the gfs wear: significantly less clothing than I do, that's for sure! But they are basically supermodel thin, so societally it is more acceptable for them to dress less modestly. Not that I agree, but society is messed up. Ok so here is how the conversation with my roommates went yesterday: I asked them if they were resigning the lease and they said yes. They also did not know why their gfs talked to me instead of talking to them. I asked if they had problems with how I dress around the house to which they replied "You look homeless"... thanks? (that is our humour). I also mentioned how much their gfs were at our apartment. For context, our rent includes everything except for wifi, so them being here doesn't make it more expensive for me. I said that I don't mind them being here that much since they usually keep to themselves. But I draw the line at making me feel uncomfortable in my own home. I also told them that if their gfs confront me about a problem with our my roommates present, I will not hesitate to ask them to leave. My roommates were great about it and had no issues with anything I said. They are planning on talking to their gfs. Let me know if you want an update about how the gfs interact with next time I see them! Not sure when I will see them next though. AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was unanimously the NTA Relevant Comments Commenter 1: They are jealous because you are hot lol Honestly tho ask them what they even want you to wear?? I’m not sure how you can even be more “modest”! OOP: What's crazy though is they are for sure more attractive than me, I just have an ass going for me lmao. Commenter 2: It sounds like you've been thoughtful. FWIW, though, depending on your activities and cultural norms, sports bras and booty shorts aren't necessarily disrespectful. In my area (a hot climate), many people wear sports bras and booty shorts all over campus when exercising or walking. If one is a dancer, that's pretty much the uniform. While my kids tend to be slightly more conservative than their peers, an occasional crop top and shorts (usually not booty unless exercising) is not out of the question. OOP: As a former dancer, I am dressing quite conservative to how I used to! They have yet to see me on my way to or from the gym, which I think would send them into a spiral. How dare I wear shorts and tank tops to gym?! Their bfs may be there! LOL Commenter 3: I wear baggy t-shirts and hoodies with sweatpants 90% of the time. The most scandalous thing I have worn is a tank top and shorts NTA Even if you were wearing booty shorts and sports bras all day, every day, you'd still be NTA as it's your home, too. They can get over themselves. OOP: I personally think I have been more than respectful. And you're right, I should be able to wear whatever I want in my own home regardless of what it is! OOP on if her roommates have told their GFs about her appearance OOP: I really doubt their bfs/my roommates would say anything about my appearance to them. We have a sibling dynamic and they are very good friends with my bf now Downvoted Commenter: I don't think you're the asshole. I think that if a girl knows her bf is living with another girl she should accept all the possibilities and understand that she isn't there to moderate what you're saying, doing, and wearing. But as the female roommate you also need to understand that even though you're doing nothing wrong, the girls have valid reason to worry- not because of you but because of the nature of the living situation. All parties need to be more understanding. No one is an asshole. The gfs just need to understand that if they're gonna continue to date these men, they have to accept that they cant control what goes on in the apartment. OOP: Yea I get that. But they knew the situation prior to dating and I'm not going to change what I do simply because they want to control what I do in my home. The gfs are definitely assholes here as I have done nothing for to not have their trust.   Update: December 10, 2025 (two days later) UPDATE: AITAH for refusing to "cover up" in front of my roommates? GF RESPONSES So, the gfs came back yesterday and we had a house meeting. Some clarifying information: I got comments about the timeline and the post being fake... The last incident where the gfs confronted me was a week ago at this point. The conversation I had with my roommates was 3 days ago. I made the post because I knew the gfs would be coming back soon so I wanted some advice. Also, it is very "normal" for the gfs to be at the apartment when my roommates are not, which is why my roommates did not know they talked to me until I told them. And, I in no way was trying to say the gfs were not attractive or "too thin", I was simply trying to point out that me being more curvy (I'm a size 8 and pretty short, rather than 0 and taller like them) could make outfits seems more inappropriate even though they aren't. I WILL NOT BE POSTING OR SENDING PHOTOS OF MYSELF. stop asking, y'all are weird and I suggest you go to a special website (🌽) to deal with that. Ok on to the main part! One of the gfs came over first for simplicity let's call her Mya. She approached me while I was in the kitchen cooking and said she wanted to talk about the whole situation. I politely said that this a conversation that needs to happen when her bf is here so we can wait til he is home. She was a little confused but just ended up going to his room. I then messaged my roommate group chat and asked for the 5 of us to have a chat later once everyone is here. Which my roommates said sounds good. I heard them all come home, and at some point the other gf (we will call her Sara) came over but I'm not sure when. So I went to the living room wearing my XL Grinch onsie, don't worry it covered my ankles so there was no way I could be dressing provocatively. My roommates thought this was hilarious, the gfs not so much. We all sat down for a conversation. It was very awkward lol. I started off by saying that it is not fair for anyone to dictate what goes on in our apartment if they are not paying rent. I explained that if Mya or Sara had an issue with me, I would appreciate that my roommates bring it up to me and that there should not be a confrontation between me and the gfs. My roommates backed me up and said they thought this was fair and they apologized for their gfs (not necessary but nice gesture). Both gfs stayed silent the entire time but Sara rolled her eyes every time I talked. I addressed Sara and asked if there was anything she would like to talk about to which she just went off on me. Saying I am too controlling about cleaning and buying things for the apartment (which has nothing to do with her) and that I "prance around on my high horse in skimpy clothes". I asked her what I could possibly be wearing that is skimpy and she said "you walk around with everything on display". Her bf stepped in and said he disagreed and that they have never seen me in anything inappropriate so she shouldn't have a problem. She got really offended and said that he was an ass for defending me and not her. I told her she was free to leave if she has issues with our home or the people in it. She stormed off into his room and started packing her things up. As for Mya, she just broke down crying saying she didn't mean to upset me and that Sara brought up the issue to her to confront me. She said she didn't really care about what I was wearing and didn't really see any problems with it but Sara got into her head. Mya was overall not a huge issue from the start, Sara did most of the confronting and Mya just backed her up with some nods, but didn't really add to the conversations. I told her that she should have had more of a back bone with Sara and stood up for me rather than helping Sara confront me if she didn't see a problem. She said she wanted to work on our relationship and was hoping we could become friends despite all of this. Not sure where I stand on that, but I guess it's the thought that counts. Sara and my roommate had a huge argument that lasted almost an hour. Then she left the apartment completely with all her stuff. I asked my roommate what was going on and he said he thinks things are over with Sara, but nothing official yet. Anyways, not sure if that's how you all thought it would go down. Overall, I feel much better about the situation and Im hoping I don't have to deal with Sara again! Thanks for the support and advice! Relevant Comments OOP on if her roommate is going to stay with Mya or not since Sara has left? OOP: I think that breakup is coming sooner than she thinks.... I don't think it will last into the new year at this point + Looks like both roommates are gonna be single in the new year after all of this, but I swear they attract the craziest women so we can only pray. I would love to have a built in bestie though lol How did the GFs get in the apartment if the bfs/roommates were not home? OOP: ok allegedly they "didn't have keys", which was BS cause they get in when bfs are not there. then it was confirmed Sara had a key because she threw it at my roommate on her way out apparently. I told them they aren't allowed to give out keys (that was the only copy they made) I already changed our code though so she can't get into the apartment. She's crazy, but not that crazy. I also added a ring doorbell so she can try all she wants + Never really discussed any house rules about it until recently. My bf is only over when I am home, that just seems like common sense to me? But my roommates have invited my bf over when I wasn't there but I think that is completely different, because at that point he is my roommates guest. Downvoted Commenter: you shouldn't agree to that. people make mistakes. and she owned up to it. if you can't move past it you're being as childish as sara tbh. like okay maybe you end up as friends and maybe you don't, but to just close the door on it because of what happened, that is kinda pathetic. like don't go out of your way to be her friend, but don't go out of your way not to be her friend either. just see what happens. no need to carry a grudge. in the grand scheme of things what happened is so minor. don't be a baby. OOP: It not that I can't move past it, it's just that I don't want to be friends with someone like that. It isn't childish to want to have good people around me. I have no problems being friendly, and I have been even during this situation but I will not force myself to be friends with someone that acts like that. Commenter 1: What does your lease say about overnight guests? How often does your boyfriend stay? It sounds like you and your roommates need to clarify the guest policy. OOP: The lease is very strict about guests, no more than two nights each month. Im ok being more relaxed about it, within reason. there is also no way to tell how long guests are staying. My bf has stayed MAYBE 4 nights in the last 5 months. But regardless, we have already had that conversation, I will see how things go after the holidays and adjust from there! Commenter 1: Being relaxed resulted in this situation. There’s nothing wrong with saying you need new boundaries after this incident. Keeping guest visits to when the resident is home and limiting overnights is not unreasonable. Someone packing a bag and staying for multiple nights is incredibly intrusive. OOP: Agreed, we agreed on two nights per week (with Mya, def not Sara) which I think is reasonable. Why isn't OOP living with her boyfriend? OOP: Hard to explain, but the short of it is that he lives in a different city for a specialty program. Neither of us want to commute to school or work, so this is just easier until graduation. Commenter 2: I'm curious of what Mya wanted to say when she approached you in the kitchen to talk about the whole situation. I don't think you need to be friends, but maybe there's a chance she realized prior to the house meeting that Sara was being unreasonable and wanted to address it 1:1 to get a sense of how you were feeling, especially since she seemed confused when you said you wanted to wait until her bf was home. I still agree that she should have had more of a back bone, though I don't see her as a villain or anything (she might just be a people pleaser). Regardless, I'm glad your roommates backed you up and your update was refreshing to read! OOP: I think her bf talked to her about the situation beforehand. But since I wasn't sure how that conversation was going to go I wanted a witness so she couldn't twist what I said   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Key_Conclusion5511 Originally posted to r/EntitledPeople You "owe it to your sister (who's married) and niece" Thanks to u/theboringhistoryfan for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: entitlement, controlling behavior, emotional manipulation, financial exploitation, harassment Original Post: July 14, 2025 I called my father this morning to see how they were all doing --- before he said good morning, he asked what the FUCK is a dorm shower and why are (my) in-laws asking for money and gifts? Background: My husband, children (adult teens now), and I went no contact with my husbands entire immediate family and most extended relatives since 2016. That's 9+ years of not talking to, contacting, or having any type of relationship or interactions. We gave them over 20 years of chances and boundaries and consequences --- that's to say it wasn't a "rash" decision that was made selfishly or thoughtlessly. Through the years they send us (in the actual USPS mail because they're blocked everywhere else) requests for gifts. You see, they like to create registries (like you would for a bridal or baby shower) and fill them with obscenely priced items for simple things like birthdays, Christmas, graduation, anniversaries, and every little I farted and therefore I deserve an expensive gift event. Onto last week into today I called my husbands Aunt to catch-up (she's the only one we're still in contact with) and she gave me a heads-up that my in-laws were trying to get her to pay (they used the term donate) over $100,000 (not a typo) for the golden granddaughters dorm fees 🙄🤔🤦 because "we're family and we need to stick together and do our part" when the lady who is living a modest life and on social security said absolutely not! they then sent her an invitation (via text) to the dorm shower and husband's aunt said it was beyond ridiculous --- not to mention the request for straight-up cash when she graduated. In the meanwhile --- I'm getting texts and calls from old acquaintances and childhood friends (we all grew up in the same town and inlaws still live there but we've moved about 4 hrs away) saying that my in-laws are harassing them and trying to get ahold of our information (because we changed our cell numbers and blocked them everywhere we digitally could) Last week in the mail I received an actual printed invite along with registry information --- not one place, BUT THREE SEPARATE STORES and because we were curious we (my whole family found it comical) took a peek. The cheapest thing on there was a pack of washclothes in the $60 range, followed by a power strip at $120, and the prices went up from there including items in the $2000 range. They even had commercial type appliances which YOU CAN'T EVEN TAKE/USE IN A DORM ROOM. So, why are they even on there? 🤯. Then the phone calls started rolling in (which were sent to voicemail) from phone numbers we aren't familiar with. MIL ended up leaving a message. (Husband's name) this is your mom. (Niece's name) Is going away for college and we need you to contribute $100,000 for her dorm. We also sent YOU (apparently the rest of us no longer exist) an invitation to her dorm shower and a picture from her graduation (which had requests for straight-up money without even hosting a party). Don't disappoint us because you "owe it" to your niece and sister. First of all, No to the fuckity NO! 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕. Second, niece's parents make more than half a million a year (they both work for the state, love to brag, and their salaries are posted -- found that out from Aunt). So.... shouldn't they easily be able to afford their child's dorm necessities? Third, my husband and I have our own two children in university. One going into sophomore year and one going into junior year and we NEVER made any grand announcements much less requests for money. They also chose to stay local in order to save money. Fourth, WTF are you trying to get money and gifts out of my parents and others elderly relatives? Arent there law's against swindling senior citizens? My husband dropped everything into the shredder and I erased the voicemail with full intent of remaining and maintaining no contact. In the last two hours, I've gotten 6 calls from numbers I don't know but area codes that are from their area with nobody leaving any messages. WTF? Just when you think you're out they try and pull you back into their fuckery. So fucking tired and the NERVE to do that! They didn't even bother asking about their BIOLOGICAL grandchildren that they claim to "love with all their hearts" Edit I'm so sorry that I didn't explain it correctly To be clear it's two separate things Request one: $100,000 for dorm fees and boarding so essentially rent and food Request two: "dorm shower" registering for gifts at specific stores that people are "expected" to buy for you off of a list produced/chosen by the graduate Edit 2 - how did mil get the number We don't know, we did have a friend say that they gave out our address (which they had anyway) We have friends and my family that still live there ---our home town that we both (me and husband) grew up in Many people go to the same church weekly and many of the in-laws attend -- that's the most probable place We still gave our new numbers to our friends and my family MIL managed to get our new number and nobody has confessed to giving it to her I'm also getting a lot of calls from random numbers I don't know and they're not leaving voicemails --- that coincides with MIL calling MIL as of right now has left a single message Reverse directory on the other numbers doesn't give me information Somehow at the very least MIL has gotten our number We don't know if the other calls are related to MIL because they don't leave voicemails but considering the uptick in calls and the message from Mil we think it's related to each other Thank you to all who read this novel length post, the advice, laughs, and the recommendations for Google voice (it's been already implemented) No further voicemails at this time I will update if anything pops off ☺️. TLDR: inlaws suck from top to bottom, inside and out and all I want is for them to STOP Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Wow. The sheer audacity. You unfortunately probably need to change your phone numbers again. I’m sorry. UpdateMe OOP: I just keep blocking everything We've changed our numbers at least twice (me three times and husband twice) already and they badger someone until they give it up --- it feels like we need to go into witness protection and even then I don't think we'd be safe Thank you for reading and taking the time to respond 😊 Commenter 2: Maybe it’s time to talk to a lawyer to see what your options are legally speaking - restraining order or a cease and desist letter etc. OOP: My husband doesn't want to do that because A) he's cheap B) you can't do that to "family" (but all the crap they've done is ok?! 😞) I'm exhausted by all of it Commenter 2: Honestly, I’d be pretty pissed if my husband made those excuses. OOP: I've known my husband since we were children He was very much "brainwashed" by them and I was too young and stupid to understand the lifetime implications of getting married to someone like that What I tell my children and all their friends is to pay attention to what they do, what they don't do, and what they allow YOU to be exposed to. And you're right! I have spent a good portion of my marriage pissed at what others were bringing to my doorstep. Was OOP's husband the favorite and how were her kids treated in the family? OOP: My husband is not one of the "favorites", my kids were treated like garbage When they were little we would host simple birthday parties --- at home, homemade delicious food, a variety of pastries and of course cake. We never registered for gifts and we accepted whatever they bought over with grace. Amongst the "gifts" were used and stained clothes and part of a set (so it would have a tag that said three piece set and we would only be given the pants instead of the complete outfit) not to mention the filthy clearly used toys and water stained books. They would come in through the front and I would put everything into a garbage bag and place it in the garage because that's how bad it was. They would turn around a few months later and invite us to their birthday party complete with registry --- we're talking library bound entire dr Seuss sets and outdoor wood playgrounds. . They saw nothing wrong with what they were doing and no shame --- like at all What is OOP's husband's take on this situation? OOP: As of now, he wants to maintain no contact Prior to the no contact he was a diplomatic fence sitter and it infuriated me because his silence was the equivalent of acceptance I credit our children for somewhat dragging him out of the "fog" but it's been a two steps forward one step back deal and there are cultural expectations and dysfunction that comes into play. Brainwashing would be the best way to describe it and doing what they wanted was his easiest choice. These people are not normal or "controllable" and they are a VERY large family. MIL has 6 siblings FIL has 5 each sibling had a minimum of 3 children and one had 10 (with 2 deaths in their middle age) those children have gotten married and have children --- when you oppose one you become their enemy. So picture a non-stop barge of Bible thumping and telling you that you're all going to hell and cursing our family and children. Conversations don't work (we gave them over 20 years of chances), I refuse to fight, and I refuse to submit therefore we ignore It's been over 9 years. I trust but verify EVERYTHING and haven't seen anything of concern I simply hate the noise they create in my life that I don't want and isn't necessary. My husband doesn't like talking about them and said "wtf are they doing? Why are they going to (my) parents?" After we had our fun with the registry information he popped everything into the shredder. It's not easy and I understand that so I give him the grace to allow him to change. We've been married over 30 years. I think I answered your question Commenter 3: And how is letting you be subjected to harassment somehow NOT him imploding your marriage? Because you sound like you're at your wits end with these people and he refuses to take steps. A cease and dessist letter might work, no need to even go to court. But your husband prefers to bury his head in the sand and let you be harassed. OOP: You're not wrong but there's more to the story that doesn't make anything "easy" but I'm not naive and there's a plan in place if things go south. He's trying and I'm giving him grace to change and learn but I'm not stupid and my patience isn't infinite OOP provides some context and an example of her in-laws' entitlement OOP: My in-laws didn't approve of our marriage They didn't want us to succeed They thought that without them and their "help and influence" --- we would be nothing We proved them wrong If we had anything or were successful in any capacity --- they couldn't stand it! Example We bought our first condo -- they felt entitled and wanted keys so they could come and go as they pleased. I said no! They waited till we were at work and tried getting in using a locksmith (they claimed to be the owners and look their name is on the buzzer and they hadn't had time to change their driver's license). The locksmith went to the managers office (because they often have spare keys) and because I had been in-and-out of the managers office getting approvals for our renovations --- they knew right away that they weren't the owners and called the police. Police showed up and were talking to the manager, we pulled up to see my in-laws standing next to the cop car along with another officer. They explained what happened, we reaffirmed that they had no rights to enter, they asked us if we wanted to press charges, husband said no --- but I begged the officer to scare the crap out of them and he kindly did. This is not even the worst of it! So, their logic is to constantly take everything that they can take --- so we get overrun with debt while they keep progressing and achieving. Thus proving to everyone that we were losers and they projected it. Why do they try? Because they can and think eventually they're going to be successful   Update: July 22, 2025 (eight days later) Update and gossip We are maintaining no contact (no gifts or donations of $100,000) because what they ultimately want is a reaction or contact. We refuse to fight, and we refuse to submit therefore we ignore. Our silence is a clear message that they don't hold any value in our lives and that drives them absolutely crazy. Google voice has been setup and everything else is being blocked on the landline if they don't leave a message or aren't part of our contacts Mil at this point has left a single message but we've received at least 50 calls (last time I counted) from numbers that we don't know but we suspect are MIL's flying monkeys I still don't understand why they're asking for $100,000 for dorm rent and food --- because anyway I look at it, the math ain't mathing. I spoke to my cousin (a lawyer not in my area) and gave her all the information and asked her if anything could be done? She reached out to a retired colleague who used to practice and now teaches and they basically said to continue to ignore because legally --- "not much can be done". Annoying but it is what it is 😕 Now onto the gossip 😁 My dad and uncle's are part of the church board and have been for decades. They (the board, secretary, and clergy) get together every Monday and review the week ahead, deal with issues, and approve or reject anything that needs to be dealt with. Pretty standard stuff. The in-laws attend the church but aren't really active in terms of committees, fundraising, and activities planning. MIL has volunteered ONCE at a bake sale in the 40+ years of living in the community and attending this church The church has a huge banquet room that includes a stage, bar area, and fountain --- it's used for church functions, plays, bazaars, dinner dances, parties -- and can be rented out FOR A FEE. EVERYONE pays some sort of fee. The fee has a complete breakdown of everything. There are two prices --- one for steward's (members that pay a yearly membership to the church) and one for non stewards (nonmembers or anyone else who would like to rent the space). If you're a member then you get the rentals at cost (so the church doesn't really make anything extra on the rental).If you're not a member then there's an upcharge for using the space. MIL and SIL want to rent the space because they're anticipating 200+ people for the dorm shower. They filled in a request online that requires you to input your information , steward # , information about the what the party is for, how many people, what vendors, if there will be liquor, and special requests. The board reviews it and if they have questions they make follow up calls. The secretary had MIL on speakerphone so that everyone could listen and ask questions if needed. They aren't current stewards --- last time they were stewards was when their kids were little (no judgement, just explaining). They used their steward number from decades ago and played stupid when the secretary said that they need to be current stewards in order to get the discount. They know this because they tried to pull the same crap for SILs big bridal shower (she had a total of 5) as well as the Christenings of her children The church HAS to pull a variety of permits depending on what type of party you're having, insurance, plus security, liquor permits, custodians and a few other things I'm sure I'm forgetting. There's a pre-approved list of vendors that you need to choose from if you want to serve food or liquor and they set their own prices SEPARATELY from the church. If you want to rent the space, those are the rules and have been for over 30 years If you follow the rules then it's pretty seamless and I've used them plenty of times throughout the years without ANY issues. MIL then tried to negotiate the price because they have volunteered sooooo much throughout the years (ONCE, you volunteered ONCE 🙄) Then she tries to say that they're going to bring in their own food and liquor. Church said you have to use the pre-approved vendors or you can't serve food or beverages Then MIL pivots and wants to charge a fee to enter and have a cash bar (so she can use the space and knowing her -- upcharge to make a profit). The church explains that there would be additional paperwork and fees for that paperwork. MIL doesn't like that and says to "just forget it!" Under special requests: she wanted the choir to donate a performance and at the end they wanted to do some sort of parade. My dad said that they were all just sitting there shaking their heads at the ridiculousness of MIL. The fact that the party is supposed to happen "supposedly" the first week of August --- with the address on the original invite being SILs house address. So 200+ people are going to go into a residential neighborhood with limited parking for a dorm shower 🤣 I'm sure it'll be as classy as they are Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Send them a list of all the money they 'owe' you for your kids as family. Birthdays, sick days, first pubic hair, and every party they 'didn't bother attending let alone pay for like a good family should' make sure its such a stupid amount they never ever want to speak to you again. OOP: 🤣 My oldest kids first birthday --- they "forgot". On their second birthday --- they "forgot" again and decided to go on a cruise --- they're retired and have never gone on vacation during that time because it's a HUGE cultural holiday for them Their ridiculousness and entitlement is something that was a constant source of conflict in my marriage. They seem to forget that my husband even has children Commenter 2: Very doubtful anywhere near that number of people will show up. People, most people anyway, will be hugely turned off by the obvious money grab. It's glaringly pathetic. I have to ask, you don't have to answer, buy is this in the US or is this some cultural expectation where everyone pitches in to support "family"? It's so mind blowing I'm just really curious. How does the kid feel about all this? I'd be humiliated if my family did this to me. Is she just going along with it? Can't wait for the update after the party if you find out what happened. OOP: Definitely in the USA. Everyone immigrated here starting in the mid 1900's but they held onto their culture tightly My husband and I share the same faith but we're from different cultures, speak different languages with similarities in food, culture expectations, and traditions The last time I saw the graduate was 9 years ago and she was a HORRIBLY ENTITLED child --- she was "something" and I had to watch her closely because she would actively try and hurt my kids, like flip them off a hammock onto the concrete, pushing them down the stairs, and pushing them underwater in a kid pool. Is it possible that she's changed --- sure Is it probable --- I don't think so Commenter 3: Are there other grandkids (besides yours which clearly don't count) that they have tried to pull this crap for, or is this one a "special flower"? OOP: At the time of no contact there were a total of 4. 2 are SILs and the other 2 mine I know there are more -- I'm guessing a total of 12 maybe 13 🤷 and I don't know the dynamics. We have gotten other requests in the mail but we ignored those as well -- some being shredded without even being opened OOP on the family values from her in-laws OOP: They are just.... 😕 When SIL had her second kid -- we drove OVER 4hrs through winter weather and construction to bring them gifts for the new baby (they insisted and we felt obligated because it was for the baby -- I would have preferred to wait until spring or summer) They accepted the gifts, pastries, flowers and then acted like we were intruding. I literally had the kids get undressed, use the bathroom, say hi to the baby from afar, get redressed and leave --- we stayed for 45 minutes and I'm being generous. Like why? They value the gift not the family Commenter 4: What is the niece’s part in all this? Willing participant or embarrassed? OOP: I don't know her now, as a young adult, but she was a very entitled horrible child If I had to guess --- willing participant Commenter 5: Sounds like MIL is throwing a dorm shower scam circus and expecting everyone else to foot the bill. OOP: That has been her MO for years --- SIL's Mil (so SIL husband's mom) got burned by MIL at the big bridal shower and ended covering over half the cost of 400+ guests when she only had under 20 guests MIL tried pulling the same crap at the baby shower and SIL's Mil didn't invite anyone and didn't show because she was "sick" --- she did buy a ton off the baby registry that SIL's husband brought to the shower. She just didn't want to deal with my MIL 🤡 OOP and her husband don't need to contribute to the niece's dorm shower OOP: My husband received an actual picture of the graduate and a link to some "fun fund" and then a separate invitation to the dorm shower With them it's an AND not OR We're going to contribute to them what they contributed to us --- NOTHING   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

My friends surprised me with the most insane and beautiful Cowboy Carter-themed party after I finished my 4th year of med school. The decorations were fully detailed, including wanted posters of all guests, Queen B with her sash saying Cowboy Doctor and her holding up the American flag with 2/3 on it (since I’m two thirds of the way of becoming a doctor), a whole lot of balloons and lighting. The vibes were immaculate, everyone dressed up as a cowboy, and there was a REAL LIFE horse there, which I got to ride down the street and back. They even brought me the outfit I wore to the show I went to in London so that I could dress up as well. Everything was thought out so thoroughly. They also kept it a secret from me for so long! It took them about 3 months to organize this thing and I had absolutely no idea about it. The alibi was that one of my friends got a dinner at a fancy place as a gift and she invited me to accompany her. Only thing is I almost cancelled it because my cousin’s elementary school graduation was taking longer than anticipated.😆😭 Unfortunately, there is no video of my initial shock, but I have plenty of pictures of the party itself! Enjoy! I’m not sure if I can post links on here but one of my friends also made a short tiktok about it: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNdyrLQW9/ I was genuinely so shocked, but also beyond touched. They’re the sweetest people ever. We had such a great time – still smiling just thinking about it. 🐎🏜️🤠 BEY-HAW submitted by /u/zsolplesovszky to r/beyonce [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/Smooth_Reveal9943 to r/AskReddit [link] [comments]

**I am NOT OP. The OP of this story is u/jaht_ouze.** Trigger Warnings: Sexual Assault, Incest, Accusations of Infidelity. I think my husband is having an affair with his step-sister, July 12th, 2024. Just what the title says. I believe my (24f) husband (24m) and his step-sister (23f) are having an affair, my head is spinning and I don’t know what to do. My husband’s parents got divorced when he was 15 and his dad remarried when he was 17. His step-mom has one daughter, let’s call her Jess, who was 16 at the time of the marriage. They all lived together for about a year and a half before he left for college which is where him and I met freshman year. Our sophomore year Jess began going to the same school as us, he introduced her to our friend group and she quickly became a part of it. They always seemed more like friends than siblings because obviously their parents didn’t marry till they were older, but they’d sometimes refer to each other as bro and sis. Back then I sometimes got the vibe that she was flirting with him, but he never returned it and I just brushed it off as her personality and that I was being crazy bc no way that would happen. Fast forward to now, we all still live in our hometown and see each other pretty often. Jess is single and hasn’t had a boyfriend in several years, her and my husband are still very close. When we are all hanging out together (including their parents) if we’re sitting on the couch she will sit right up against him, sometimes even put her head on his shoulder if he’s showing her videos on his phone. I have always found it odd but again have brushed it off. Of course they aren’t actually related but it would still be too taboo and weird, so I’ve never fully let myself have the suspicions. However over the last 6 months things have been getting weirder. Both my husband and I’s birthdays are in April and only a week apart so over the last couple years we’ve kind of just combined them and celebrated both at the same time. We had friends and family over, and normally we also receive joint gifts but this year Jess got my husband something specific to him (fairly expensive gaming headphones and a watch) but nothing for me, and she also got him a card and wrote a decent amount in it. I didn’t get to read it when we were opening things and then later on I couldn’t find it, when I asked my husband where it was he brushed it off saying oh he must’ve accidentally thrown it out with its envelope, but the envelope was still with everything else on the counter. They’ve been texting a lot more and she’s also been talking to me less (remember her and I have been friends for the last 5 years). Sometimes I’ll see texts from her pop up on his phone screen and there will be 🤍 💕 😍 emojis. This will be while he’s holding it and he’ll unlock it pretty fast so I’ve never really been able to see what they say. If I ask her to meet up or hangout with just me, she’s always busy. But if it’s her coming over our home to see the both of us she never says no. He also has been going to see her more often (which is kind of a complicated detail bc she still lives at home with her mom and his dad so he just tells me he’s going to hangout with his dad for a bit), but I have a feeling it’s for her. Him and I have also been less intimate lately. Neither of us have ever had super high sex drives but we have always averaged at least twice a week, and now it’s about 2-3 times a month. What’s pushed me over the edge is when we all got together this passed July 4th. We were at my FIL’s house for a big cookout/pool party. While in the pool she kept hanging on him from behind (picture him giving her a piggy back ride in the water), splashing him, being overly playful, etc. I kept thinking in my head I was crazy because maybe after all these years they really do have a sibling-like dynamic and she’s just messing around. But I also caught her staring at me when my husband and I were being close and she looked angry. Now, cut to the worst of it all. We all were done in the pool and went inside to change. I was with my husband in his room and right in the middle of us changing she came in without knocking randomly asking if she could borrow my hair brush. My husband didn’t have any clothes on. I was horrified and said something like omg you need to knock first, she seemed unphased and lazily covered her eyes saying oh whatever he’s basically like my brother. My husband seemed kind of embarrassed but also not as much as you’d expect. She left like it was nothing. Since then she has barely spoken to me at all and I am absolutely spiraling at the thought of this. Am I being crazy? I haven’t said anything to him yet about this because I’m so scared to be wrong and then I’m just accusing him of sleeping with his step-sister. I need others to tell me if they agree with what I’ve been seeing or not. Small update: thank you to everyone who has responded. When I made this post I was hoping for validation of my worries but also scared of that at the same time. I’m trying to keep it together and act normal around him the best I can. Tomorrow he’s going over his dad’s (so he says), so I plan to show up there and see what’s going on. Another slight update because I know you guys are invested: an update but not really, yes I did go to his dad’s house Saturday. A lot has happened since then and I haven’t been on my phone much. When I get time later tonight I will post a full update of what’s gone on. I will most likely make a new post about it because it’s been hard keeping up with the comments on this one. Bare with me as I get my head sorted out Updating to say I created a new post to give a full update on what’s happened Relevant Comments: u/acnh_evergreen: Have they always been more touchy-feely with each other (sitting close on the couch, playing in the pool etc) or has this all started recently too?? If they ARE up to something, she isn’t trying at all to hide it which is crazy to me. Unless they both think it’s so outlandish that no one would really expect it. I honestly think you could be right, but maybe only partially. It sounds to me like she has a thing for him and is becoming more brazen about it, possibly leading herself up to making a move on him, but I don’t think think everything you’ve said also leads to him cheating on you. All these years has he ever been weird toward her in return? Maybe he’s just oblivious to how strange she’s acting because he doesn’t think that way toward her at all. But no, you aren’t crazy. Her, or both of them, aren’t acting right.. OP: They’ve always been kind of playful with each other which is why I said even back in college I sometimes got the feeling she was flirting with him, but the physical closeness was never really a thing (not frequently anyway) until about 6 months ago. I’ve thought this too that maybe it’s one-sided on her end but him going over the house more often and us not having sex as much has me really worried that it’s a mutual thing u/acnh_evergreen: Yeah that’s definitely strange that he’s going to his dad’s more often. Have you ever verified that when he goes, the parents are even actually home? Maybe next time he says he’s heading over there you could: A- ask to come too B- follow him there C- wait about an hour and then call or text your FIL saying you want to talk to your husband but your texts to him won’t deliver (or something like that) and see if he confirms they’re together OP: Thank you so much for this suggestion, he actually told me the other day he plans to go there this Saturday. I may do a combination of your B and C suggestions and follow him there to even see if his dad’s car is in the driveway/if anything weird is going on. If the car is missing I’ll call my FIL and ask to talk to my husband   u/Appropriate_Put_7963: Truthfully, I don’t know any brother/sister duo that acts like that. I know siblings can be close, but not that close.. Maybe try to investigate more before springing any accusations on your husband? Seems a little odd to me though… Yikes. OP: This is what I haven’t been sure of because I have siblings but two sisters, no brothers. Also with step siblings I have no idea if it’s a different dynamic especially since they didn’t live together for very long since they were older. I definitely think I need to actually dig into this to see if I can find legitimate evidence but I’m honestly scared   Deleted Account: If I were in your shoes, I’d ask to look through his text messages. Together with him sitting right next to you, if he’d prefer. Don’t explain why. You could offer for him to look through your texts at the same time, if he’d like to. He SHOULDN’T have anything to hide, and he should hand it right over to you. He will have questions, and I’d suggest you answer them all honestly, but only after you see his texts. But, his reaction to the suggestion will tell you a lot. If he’s angry or tries to say that you’re crazy, something is up. If he disappears somewhere with his phone - he’s deleting things before he shows you. OP: I’m worried to do it this way because if their texts are totally innocent/I find nothing, I’ll have to tell him why I wanted to see it and I’ll seem nuts. He’s got an iPhone and a MacBook where his texts are synced up, so I might try to get a hold of his MacBook and read them on my own first. He uses his laptop for work mostly though and has a password on it so I’ll have to come up with some excuse about needing to borrow it u/LostGirl1976: You were with your husband in his room? You don't share a bedroom? Maybe that's why she thought it was fine to walk in. She figured you wouldn't be there. OP: We were in “his room” at his dad’s house during the party. I just call it that out of habit. At our own house we share a room of course u/Bbehm424: So let me get this straight, you were at your in laws house... Where she lives... yet she went into his room (without knocking, knowing you were both changing) asking to borrow YOUR hairbrush?.. instead of you know.. going into her own bedroom... and using her own hairbrush? OP: Yes. Obviously my worry from this is she used it as an excuse to barge in   u/AccomplishedMap4275: Wow. I’m sorry you even have to think about that. Did you ask him why she didn’t get you a birthday present? Also why didn’t you call him out on the envelope thing. I would get to the bottom this quickly. OP: I mentioned the gifts and said wow she really spoiled you, must be nice and he just kind of laughed and said yeah wow I was surprised. I didn’t say anything about the envelope but I wish I did. This was at the start of some of the more obvious signs and I was feeling so confused/nervous that I didn’t want to push it Deleted Account: That card is SAVED somewhere in your home~ in his office? In his closet? In his drawers? Business suitcase? In his tackle box? SOMEWHERE he believes you WONT be getting into usually~ I’d search EVERYWHERE while he’s out under the guise of “spring cleaning” Updateme! Remindme! 1 week OP: I have looked EVERYWHERE for the card! Believe me I’ve tried to find it. If its hidden somewhere it’s not in our house   u/winninwiggs5: Why tf did she ask for your hair brush when this is the house she lives in?! If this isn't fake, that should have been both of your immediate reactions OP: Her full statement was “hey can I borrow your hair brush? I can’t find mine”. Unfortunately this is real u/Subject_Ad_4561: Yeah something is off. Even if he’s not having an affair with her I bet they’ve had sex before. OP: Back when we were in college, one of our friends asked him about that not long after he introduced her to us. He seemed genuinely grossed out by the question and said no. At the time him and I were still just friends so I don’t think he had a reason to lie about it. I do think something is going on but I don’t think it stems that far back I think my husband and his step-sister are having an affair: UPDATE, Posted July 31st, 2024. Hey everyone. Sorry that it’s been so long since I made my original post about this (if you haven’t seen it you can find it on my profile). To say that our family has totally imploded since I last posted would be an understatement. So much has happened that I never expected or was prepared for so I apologize that I kind of ghosted all of you, but this has been really hard. Just an FYI, I’ll be mentioning text messages a fair amount and it’ll be paraphrasing. Leaving off from my last update, I did go to his dad’s house that weekend that my husband told me he was going to see him. When I got there, only my husband’s car was in the driveway. I wasn’t sure what to do, if I should try calling his dad, calling my husband or what. I decided to just go in because I didn’t want to play games. I walk in and hear his and Jess’ voices coming from the kitchen and it sounded like they were yelling. Even now I couldn’t tell you what they were saying, I was so full of adrenaline as I approached them it was like I was watching them on mute or something and not actually hearing what was happening. He spotted me and looked like a deer in the headlights, and all I could muster up was to say what’s going on?? I stared at them for a couple seconds and then my fight or flight kicked in, I’m very non confrontational so my instinct was to turn around and run. He chased after me and pulled me into a guest room to talk. Again I asked what was going on, that he’s been acting so weird and so has Jess, and point blank asked if he was cheating on me. He seemed shocked at the question but then out of nowhere started bawling his eyes out. I’ve never seen my husband cry before. He said that no he’s not cheating but has something to tell me but couldn’t do it there and needed to leave/for us to go back to our house. At first I protested and said no I needed to know right then and there but he still was having a breakdown begging me so I agreed. We left his car there and drove home together in mine but I sat in silence the whole ride as he cried and was trying to collect himself. When we got home we sat in the living room and I once again asked him what the fuck was happening and my patience had run thin. Then out came his word vomit. He told me that in college, our junior/Jess’ sophomore year, after him and a bunch of our friends had gone to a party (we were dating by this time but I wasn’t there that night, I’d come home for the weekend to hangout with family that was in town) and he got really drunk, our guy friends kind of ditched him to go hookup so Jess offered him to crash on her couch for the night (our school had on-campus apartments and she had a single bc she was an RA). He said he woke up at some point after that, with his pants down and her on top of him, having sex. He told me at the time he felt out of it and didn’t really get what was happening and that’s all he remembers was waking up and feeling it/seeing her. He then woke up again a couple hours later and she was asleep in her own bed, so he left and went back to his own dorm. He never told anyone. It took him a long time to even fully understand what had happened and he felt like he couldn’t tell anybody because 1- he felt ashamed and embarrassed 2- he didn’t think anyone would believe him 3- he didn’t want to be known as the guy that slept with his step-sister 4- he was afraid of losing me and 5- he was worried about his dad and if he found out that it could affect or ruin his new marriage and that his dad is so happy with his step-mom. He told me he basically just acted like nothing happened, even around Jess when we all hung out together. He said him and her never spoke about it or said anything until a couple years later, when him and I got engaged after graduation. She sent him a text essentially saying she loved him and thought about “that night” all the time and that why did their parents have to meet and get married, they could be together otherwise, etc. Essentially she is obsessed with him. Shamefully I will admit when he first told me all of this I wasn’t sure what to think or believe, until I saw their text messages. I questioned him saying if this was the case why are they always talking, why wouldn’t he distance himself now that we’re married and out of school. He told me it started up again with her, about 6 months ago like I said on my original post, when him and I told our families that we decided we wanted to try for a baby. He had a screenshot of the text she sent him the next day ranting about how he shouldn’t do this, marriages aren’t permanent until a baby comes into the mix, there’s still a chance for them to “be honest with their family” and for him to leave me, she still loves him after all this time, etc. He replied saying he loved me and wanted to start a family with me and that he didn’t love her in that way, and he never wanted her to bring this up to him ever again. That’s when her demeanor changed and she said if he didn’t love her, why did he f*ck her and what would their family think, essentially blackmailing him. I read through as many of their texts as I could handle and it was always her saying things like she was thinking about him, she wants to see him, she’d even send texts while we were all together telling him he looks good in that outfit. Sometimes he wouldn’t reply and others he’d be trying to have a normal convo/steer it in a different direction, and sometimes just telling her to stop it. The days he’s told me he’s going to hangout with his dad, it’s her begging him to go over there so she can see him or “she will tell her mom everything”. So he’d agree to go but he swears nothing has ever happened, that one of their parents would be there a majority of the time and it would just be all of them on the patio or in the living room. That that day, he went there to tell her he was sick of it and couldn’t do it anymore, she could tell people whatever she wants but he was done, and that’s why they were yelling. I sat there taking it all in and honestly was speechless as I did not expect any of this. I asked him about our sudden lack of intimacy (essentially only during my fertile window since we’re trying for a baby but never any other time), and he said all of this being brought up for him mentally has made him shut down about sex. He was only doing it for me bc I want a baby. That it’s taken him so long to realize/come to terms with the fact that she assaulted him. And how this harassment. I cried. I felt betrayed by her and then a heavy, deep empathy for him. I just hugged him and cried and he cried too. I told him he really needs to tell his dad because we can no longer associate with her in any way, and how can we manage that when she lives with him. At first he said no, he couldn’t because he’s worried they won’t believe him and also doesn’t want to ruin his dad’s life because how could the marriage with his step mom survive this. I told him I don’t have an answer for that, he has to trust that his dad will believe him and I was also worried about her panicking after their argument and doing something crazy. He agreed to tell his dad and said he wanted to do it alone. The following weekend he met up with dad and told him everything, showed the texts to him, etc. His dad believed him and like me was caught off guard and speechless. This led to him telling his wife and saying he was kicking Jess out, however his wife did not believe it. She claims my husband must have edited the texts somehow (actual texts in the message app that you can scroll through, and it’s Jess’ number attached to the contact). Jess freaked out, saying none of it was true and he was the one who’d been harassing her. Thats when my husband threatened to take it all to the police for an order of protection against her if she did not tell the truth, and she finally admitted to everything in an insane meltdown. His step mom is horrified, his dad doesn’t know if he can get passed her not believing my husband and accusing him. We are currently in this weird limbo phase of the whole family on edge. Jess is still living there, his dad has demanded she leave and has given her two weeks instead of kicking her out on the spot in an attempt to try and salvage the situation with his wife. My husband and I are having lots of talks, trying to regroup. We’ve put trying for a baby on hold as he seeks therapy for this. He still is considering going to the police for the harassment. My heart is broken for him and also trying to come to terms with the truth, that Jess who I’ve known for years would do something like this. I was prepared to uncover an affair but never this. I’m not sure if there will be any more updates after this, maybe if my husband decides to pursue legal action. I want to say thanks to everybody who pushed for me to dig into my suspicions otherwise this could’ve gone even further. I don’t like to think of what could’ve happened. I probably left things out so if people have questions I’ll try my best to reply to comments Relevant Comments: u/Ok-Lunch-2852: Oh wow. Thats so intense. How are you doing with all of this? Way to be there for your husband. And also I’m glad that the truth came out. OP: I’m really hurt and overwhelmed. Her and I were close friends for so long, so I’m really battling how she betrayed him but me too. And I also feel guilty for having this back-thought of feeling lied to by him, when I know this wasn’t his fault. He was assaulted and essentially stalked by her, so I in no way blame him, just trying to shake the feeling and hoping it fades   u/abbasegede77: Hello you should push your husband to go the legal route this is messed up OP: I’ve told him that he should because she’s unstable. It scares me because she seems so totally normal, like this is the biggest shock of my life learning her true behavior. And someone like that is totally unpredictable. He knows he needs to but is trying to mentally prepare, and I’m trying to not push him too hard because this has been a lot DELETED COMMENT. OP: Looking back I do realize/see the signs of him being uncomfortable. There were a few times he seemed awkward or looked at me kind of weirdly, but I always assumed it was because of the PDA happening right in front of me and that he was embarrassed   u/DaddysPrincess26: First of All, What she did, is called RAPE. Not Assault. Second, He needs to get a Restraining Order, ASAP, Third, He needs to Peruse this Legally and HARD because she is a danger to all Men, PERIOD. OP: Yes I know that’s what it’s called and what happened. I myself was R in high school and I don’t like using the word, it’s very triggering to me. He’s still considering taking legal action but I can’t force him to **Reminder - I am not OP.** submitted by /u/Sebastianlim to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I still can't believe it actually happened. She was so strong. She never showed any pain. She handled every day of her long life like a fluffy little warrior. I brought her home when I was 6 yeard old. Mom wasn't expecting this at all but in the end she gave up and allowed me to have her. I took her from my kindergarten's friend. She had a character since her first months and she didn't behave good at his home so they decided to give her away. They gave her name Alice and we kept it. I've seen this name only a few times since then so it was fitting her perfectly and it was unique as she was. She actually had a `tortitude`. She was full of energy and interest to everything around. She liked running around the flat, hissing at any guests and pooping wherever she wants. But it never affected my love to her. I think she was the main reason for me being a cat person and me having a soft and emotional character. But she also was very supportive and whenever I felt bad she always came to me trying to release my pain. I lived with her until I went to university in a neighbor city when I turned 18. She was already about 11-12 years old back then. We already thought she's a granny. I remember me having a small argument with my mom about Alice when she once again pooped (or peed) wherever she shouldn't poop (or pee) at these pre-university days. She said Alice is old and she's going to die soon. She was just emotional and she never said anything like this ever again but I remembered these words. Since then I was always afraid of loosing my kitty. But she felt perfect despite she actually might be considered a little old already. But she never looked old until her last days. Being in a university, I spent 5-6 hours one-way to get to the home every weekend to met with a girlfriend. So I've seen Alice pretty often as well. I also used to spend every summer at home. She already was about 15-16 years old when I graduated and her age still wasn't noticeable at all. Since then I used to come home for a couple days every few months. Alice was always there. She was a part of the home. She was the home. She never had any significant health issues until a year ago. We never took her to a vet because there was almost none in our home town. But later we thought it would be too nervous for her to be seen by a vet. For the most part of her life we gave her simple home food and basic cat food whatever was available. In the last years I tried to pamper her with all the different cat food but mostly she still preferred the simple one. I even brought some cat treats from Thai trip. We never gave her any pills as well. As I said she has always been strong. She was just never looking sick or ill. We thought she never needed any treatment - but we were wrong... But about a year ago she almost lost her hearing. A half a year later it was the eyes. The rustle noises could made her convulsing. I've seen it once during my second to last home visit 4 months ago and it was awful. I cried all the night. But still she looked pretty well. I thought it's just the age. But she was so strong... Even blind and deaf, she was independent. She never needed any help. At least she wanted to be seen like this. She walked around and had a good appetite until her last days. She was already older than 22. But along with all the diseases she started loosing weight and strength. I still thought it's just the age. I thought she's actually immortal. Mom thought the same. We were so proud of her. She was older then some of my friends. A lot of people couldn't believe it's even possible to have such an old cat. I was worried but I still believed in her. But at the same time I thought that every time I see her might be the last time... And every mom's call may bring the bad news about Alice. So I tried to make some photos of her every time I went home. And mom has also been sending me her photos almost every week. And the bad news call happened 2 days ago. She was mortal. Kidneys. I always knew it'll be kidneys. CKD... I thought it's incurable so there's nothing I can do but there was... I was so fixated on curing CKD that I never thought of curing symptoms. A few weeks ago I ordered a lot of AIM30 supplements but it couldn't make it in time... Uraemia hit her so hard she fell into a coma and died in 2 days. It was 24 hours ago. And I wasn't there. There was nothing I can do. I couldn't visit her in time... Mom treated her like a baby for the last half of the year and especially her last days. I loved her so much. I still do. But I can't stop blaming myself for not trying to cure her. I know she had a long life. But I could win her a few months at least, maybe years. Meanwhile there could be AIM30 vaccine release and it could save her a few more years... It took me a few hours of asking Grok to figure out how to cure CKD symptoms. Why couldn't I do this at least a year ago... Now I can clearly see in the photos over the last year how she is going through the last CKD stages and looking weaker and weaker... Why haven't I notice it at least a year ago ... And it wasn't impossible to get all the supplements. But we were sure she's immortal... And she seemed so until her last days. Mom buried her in Alice's favorite bed on her favorite blanket... A part of me just died. A part of the home just died. A part of the family. A part I can never replace. Now I don't know how to come home to mom. Now the home's half empty. It hurts so much and I feel so much pain. But thank you for reading. I'll actually be so glad to respond to any kind comments. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- But I will tell you more about all the attached photos. This is one of our first joint photos. I'm about 6-8 years old. She's about 1-3 years old. This is one of our last joint photos. One of the best. It has been made a year ago. It was the first time I brought my new girlfriend home and she made some photos of me and Alice. Of course, Alice hissed at her and hid behind the couch. But I'm glad I finally introduced them to each other. We were together for more than 4 years at this moment when I actually brought her to my family home. 3, 4. I made these photos during my last home visit at the end of 2024. Dec 27. She still doesn't seem old and sick. She's still fluffy. And her smart eyes... From above she looks like a huge croissant. Her fur color is so unique, I've never seen a cat with a little similar fur color. This is my mom's favorite photo. It has been made about the same time the 1 photo was. This one is one of my favorite photos. It is actually called "hook tail.jpg". Mom used to give funny names to all the photos. She's about 11 years old here. Look at these playful intelligent green eyes. I also love her face color pattern so much. White whiskers, white beard, white chest. Soft-pink lips. Sweet black nose. And these black and milk-coffee-ginger halves. And fluffy rabbit ears. She's perfect. I've never met a cat like her. Fluffy tortie bumblebee. Mom loved to dress her in different silly outfits. She used to always come to me when I felt sad. She had infinite positive vibes. She's 20+ here. Such a happy fluffy tortie rabbit. I can't help but smile looking at this photo. 19+. These green eyes... I will never forget them. 19+. She was so curious and inquisitive. What a cat... And these funny teeth and fluffy whiskers. 22 years old. A half a year ago. Even then she used to walk on a balcony enjoying the sunny autumn weather. 22+. A month ago. Even then she used to enjoy the sunny baths. But she started to look old and sick... I still thought she could overcome it... 16, 17. Some younger photos. She always loved the sun. And that smell, you know... Smell of the fluffy cat that has been lying under the sun... That warm sweet smell. This is my favorite smell. And it's so sad I will never fell it again... The last photo. Yesterday. She's almost there. My sweet little Alice kitty... Thank you for allowing me to share all my feelings. submitted by /u/influx_ow to r/torties [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is ThrowRAgoldenbride. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. Long Post. Editor's note: This was a complicated one to aggregate because OOP left so many comment. Many of them were super informative and helpful in understanding her perspective. They also answered a lot of questions people had. I tried to include only a few, but this did end up being a longer post. Trigger Warning: OOP has narcissistic personality disorder; ableism; controlling behavior Mood Spoiler: things are looking better Original Post: July 3, 2023 So I'm (24F) having a hard time seeing where I went wrong, but me and my husband to be (26M) both struggle with NPD [narcissistic personality disorder] so I figured an outside opinion might be helpful, since neither of us tends to understand when we're wrong right away. I'm getting married (yay!) in December to the absolute love of my life, and we both want it to be the most spectacular wedding the world has ever seen because we both really love attention. I never used to feel comfortable admitting that, but ever since I've been with him I've been able to really accept that, and it's made my life so much more *fun.* We decided that instead of having me in a white dress like all the other white dresses, and him in the same tuxedo as every man in attendance, it would look really spectacular if we both dressed head to toe in gold. What we want is for all our guests to wear either black, white, or grey, and for us to be the only ones wearing color. I figured that not only would I look like a princess, but I'd also be dancing with a prince instead of just some guy, and he's so into the idea that he remembers it as being his. We just love that idea of a sea of monochrome, and then us in the middle of it all. The only thing is, my sister (26F) has been absolutely furious at us ever since the clothing requirements came out. First, she said this was "proof that I never changed" and I was being controlling again. Basically, that asking guests to wear a specific color was insane. Then she started making digs about my hair and how I was "just doing this to show off" and asked if I planned to have her dye her hair too (I did not, we're both blonde but mine is a bit more yellow-blonde, and my husband is dying his hair for the wedding). I admitted to that, but also pointed out that it's my wedding and it's normal. Then she accused me of trying to upstage everyone else's wedding dress, basically implying that I was trying to get everyone to show up in wedding dresses so I could compete with them and make myself look even better by comparison. This was not ever the plan. When I mentioned what she said to my husband to be, his eyes kind of lit up in this really cute way and he said we should encourage people to actually wear their own wedding clothes, but we decided it would probably be actually terrible of us. We decided to let our families wear copper if they wanted, so they would stand out as a nice accent to gold, and then my sister would also get to stand out. I was totally willing to pay, and said as much. That was when she called me a spoiled child, and said she wasn't like me and wasn't in this for herself, and wanted all the guests to be able to wear "normal wedding clothes" and that nobody in their right mind would be comfortable wearing white to a wedding. TL;DR: I want all my guests to wear black, white, or grey to my wedding, and my husband and I to wear gold. My sister thinks this is horrible and I'm making everyone feel uncomfortable. AITA? Some of OOP's Comments: Commenter: It sounds like a really pretty wedding. I don't think upstaging everyone who has ever had a wedding is the goal here, but I also think every person who has a wedding wants it to be special and memorable in their own way. Kinda weird your sister doesn't feel that way. OOP: She's really against events where I get attention. I get it, considering how I was before I knew I had NPD and how to handle it, but I guess I thought a wedding was an appropriate time to want attention, you know? Commenter: Have you tried to make things right with her since your diagnosis? It can be a bit traumatizing to have any kind of relationship, familial or otherwise, with someone who has NPD. OOP: I have. We went to therapy together when I was 18, and since then, our relationship has been 100% on her terms. I really do want to make things right, and have been trying to for a long time. Commenter: [...] I wonder if your sister is just kicking back because you're not having a traditional wedding and she's jealous of the attention you'll receive? OOP: She had a really traditional wedding last year, and I wasn't actually invited to that, so I don't know a lot of details, but I know she wasn't happy with how it went. I do think that my dress code is pretty simple, especially since, not to be macabre, but everyone has funeral clothes, right? Commenter: NTA it's your wedding and this is your special day. If anyone has a problem with that they shouldn't come. OOP: I do want her there, though. Like, if I'm being unreasonable here, I'd rather know than not. Commenter: Can i ask why you had been excluded from her wedding? OOP: Ever since I was 16, she hasn't wanted me at any events focused on her. She asked me to stay home for her highschool graduation, all her birthdays, her college graduation, and I couldn't meet her child until a week after either. We sometimes celebrate alone, but when we were growing up, I would do something to grab attention pretty often, at basically any event I was invited to. I've done a lot of growing up since then and apologized a bunch of times, but she still doesn't trust me. Commenter: May i ask what you mean by stealing the spotlight? Was it on purpose or was it that you naturally draw attention OOP: It wasn't like it was malicious but it wasn't exactly not on purpose either. I just absolutely love when everyone is watching me, and I'm pretty good at a lot of things. On my sister's 17th birthday I "gifted" her a song I wrote (I got the idea from a tv show) and everyone spent the rest of the party saying how good I was, and that was one of the big things she brought up when she first banned me from her events. I honestly just loved the attention and it didn't occur to me that what I was doing took something away from her, because I figured everyone loved watching me so I was just making her parties better, and I thought she also loved watching me. I get it now, and I get that what I did was really wrong, but I didn't understand at the time. Commenter: How in the world could you see nothing wrong with taking all the attention? OOP: I honestly didn't think I was doing anything bad. A lot of people liked watching me do things from when I was very young, and my dad always said that when I performed it made people happy. I always figured that, when I performed, I was making a party or event better for everyone, and I thought my sister also liked to watch me, and I loved it a lot. Everything seemed to reinforce that this was a good thing, and I never thought about it as taking something away from my sister. Commenter: Sounds like you have a good amount of insight into your self-centredness and are trying to work on it. [...] OOP: Thank you. I'm doing my best to grow and be better than I used to be. I know I'll never not be a narcissist, but I'm trying to be more careful not to hurt the people around me or take attention away from other people's accomplishments. Commenter (downvoted): NTA. Are you sure you have NPD and aren’t just the family scapegoat? OOP: I definitely have NPD. I just also have years of therapy and hard work under my belt, and a really supportive and wonderful partner who has allowed me to accept some things about myself and work on making them less of a detriment and more of a strength. Boundaries/therapy: I'm in therapy! It's been a little tricky to have it be as consistent as I would like, but for now I am in every other week. I know I'll always be a narcissist, no matter what I do, and I want to still be able to have good relationships where I don't hurt or take things away from anyone. I've said something very similar to what you quoted a few times. Her boundaries are pretty simple. We only really meet up at either family gatherings, or one-on-one in a private space. If we meet one-on-one, I'm not allowed to talk about myself, my life, or anything I'm accomplishing or working on unless she specifically asks. At family events she'll be at, I need to send her what I'll be wearing ahead of time and have it be non-attention-seeking, and I can't perform (sing, dance, etc) or talk about anything I'm working on unless I ask her permission first, and if she says no I can't ask again. If she tells me she needs to vent, then I can't react or get upset about anything she says to me or tell anyone else about it. That's pretty much everything. It can be tricky at times, but I know that's mostly my disorder, and it's worth it to have her in my life. Commenter: Sorry to comment on this post three times, but it’s really alarming me. She has to OK your outfits even if it’s an event that is not focused on her? You are not allowed to talk about yourself whatsoever without PERMISSION? I hope someone with more experience with N.PD can tell me if there is a healthy rationale behind this because I think you love your sister so much are not able to clearly see that she is controlling you and is frankly, really mean to you. OOP: I'm only not allowed to talk about myself at all when it's just us, and then I'm not supposed to ask for permission. When we're at family gatherings, I can talk about myself generally, like my relationships or music I like or anything, I just can't talk about goals or projects I'm working on or accomplishments of any kind without checking, because it's a form of attention seeking. Like, most recently, I had to check if she was okay with me talking about learning how to make pizza from scratch from my husband-to-be, but she said it was fine as long as I talked about the learning process and didn't, like, offer to teach anyone anything or say how great I was at it or anything. The outfits thing can be frustrating, especially since she almost always shoots down like three or four outfits before accepting something and it's usually way too hot, but it makes her feel way more comfortable so it's not the biggest deal ever. Attention: It's more like... whenever everyone is paying attention to me, I just feel so, so happy, and it's like the best feeling in the world, and sometimes when nobody pays attention I feel... it's just horrible? It's like I feel like I only exist if someone is watching. When I'm alone, I barely even have any feelings. It's just all dull and meaningless. But yeah, it did accumulate in me stealing the spotlight when I shouldn't have. I thought, at the time, that what I was doing was good, because it felt right, and a lot of people really do love watching me perform. It didn't occur to me that I was taking something away from my sister. We did go to therapy when I was 18, which is when she put a lot of her boundaries in place. Commenter: Think about it from your sister’s perspective. If 90% of the time you always had the attention that meant she didn’t and you are totally fine with her feeling horrible because you felt good. So everything, in your mind, is always about you and your desire to feel good. It doesn’t matter to you if no one else exists because only your existence matters? OOP: I have thought about that a lot in the past 8 years. Before that, I honestly thought that she didn't really like attention, especially not like I did. Main girls in books didn't like attention like I did, same on TV, most of my friends got things like stage fright or nerves talking to strangers that I never did. In my head, this was just how I was, and it seemed less than common. Commenter: Out of curiosity what is your parents position after all this time, also the clothing thing is ridiculous and you should probably set a boundary on not needing permission OOP: My dad hates it, and always says it's ridiculous and tries to get me to perform or talk about myself or take off the coats or sweatshirts she makes me wear, and sometimes takes me inside so we can just hang out with people without my mom and sister and I can relax. My mom is very strict though, and says that the boundaries are important and that I abused my sister when we were growing up by stealing attention, so her and her trauma is the most important thing. She made it clear that if I ever refuse, I won't be allowed back at any family event she or my sister are attending. I know my mom and dad fight about it so I try not to bring it up, because I know they love each other and they were going to get divorced for a bit when the rules first started when I was sixteen. OOP reiterates: She [sis] definitely doesn't dictate my life. I actually only see family maybe once a month, twice sometimes, and the rest of the time I get to be more myself. I still try to be more respectful, and not awful, but I actually love fashion and my hair and performing. My husband to be and I go to karaoke every week at least once, and I'm in a local musical right now! OOP is voted NTA Update Post: January 5, 2025 (1.5 years later) My husband and I just recently celebrated our first anniversary, and I was thinking about all the dress code drama when I remembered this account and thought it would be fun to give y'all a little one-year update! After I made my original post, my husband and I decided to contact my sister and parents and have a sit-down discussion about the situation. He offered to take everyone out to eat, and we had this really long discussion about my sister and my relationship. My sister said she made a promise to herself never to let that happen again, and that if I wanted her in my life, I needed to be a normal person. My husband told her that if she was going to keep humiliating me for something I did as a child, then she wasn't a normal person either. It became a bit chaotic. My dad took our side, and said my sister's taking things too far. My mom took my sister's side, and said that, since I have NPD, I'm not capable of real change and if they ever give in at all they'll be hurting my sister. It ended with my sister calling my father an enabler and threatening to cut him of. It wasn't a great dinner overall. What surprised me is my sister's husband. She called me the next day at his recommendation, and we talked for a long time. She told me that she doesn't want to feel like "a side character in the (my name) show," and that was how it was for all our childhoods. I told her that I feel like I'm not allowed to have meaningful relationships with any of our family, since she restricts what I say and do and wear around them. I pointed out that she controls my clothes for like every family event, and this is my wedding, and she admitted that was a good point. Eventually, she agreed to attend the wedding in a really cute black and white checkerboard dress and leave if it became too much. The wedding itself was incredible. It was the second-best day of my life so far and my sister said she was genuinely happy for me. I felt like a princess in a fairytale the whole day, and my husband was the handsomest prince in the universe. The whole thing was under the stars, it was perfect. I could talk about it forever, but character limits. As a wedding gift, my sister told me that she was going to start letting me wear what I liked at family gatherings, and talk about my accomplishments, AND talk about myself when it's just me and her a little. And she has, and it's been great. The only better gift I got that night was my husband himself. This past year has been the best of my life, and I genuinely feel so much better about life and family these days. I'm a girlmom now, and I'm so glad my daughter gets to know her aunt and cousins too. I'm even allowed to babysit for my sister sometimes! TL;DR: Everything really worked out, and it was a lot because this place helped me have confidence that I wasn't wrong. Thank you guys so much, and have a great new year! Some of OOP's Comments: Commenter: I am glad your wedding turned out lovely and your relationship with your family has improved! Well done, your hard work being a better sister and daughter has started to pay off! OOP: Thank you so much! Yeah, it's been really incredible. My mom even came to see a musical I was in this year, which is the first time she's done that since I was sixteen! Commenter: How did you come to realize and value relationships? OOP: I've always valued relationships. I want to have people in my life, and I do love my family. I just didn't understand that me getting attention took away from other people. I really, really love attention, but I figured that was just a me thing, since other people get stuff like stage fright, or nerves talking to strangers or crushes, and a lot of people are shy or don't want to be center of attention. It didn't occur to me that the stuff I did was bad. Commenter: I hope you’re not discouraged by some of these comments. It sounds like you’re on the right track to repairing your family and should keep it up. Given that your husband is also a narcissist, you should both work with therapists to make sure your narcissism doesn’t negatively impact your child - there’s a pretty big risk there, to be frank, especially if you are spending so much effort moderating your behavior in other areas of life. OOP: Already under advisement. We're doing everything we can to stay aware of what kids of narcissists can experience so we can avoid it. We both love her so, so much, and we'd never hurt her for the world. Commenter: What were you wearing that your sister had to be in charge of your outfits??? OOP: I like really long, flowy dresses, sort of a cottagecore princess vibe, with a lot of accessories and sparkly jewelry and stuff like that. Flowers in my hair and that kind of thing. It does show off my body though, and my sister says that's attention seeking and caused her to have an unhealthy relationship with food for a long time. Commenter: Where did you get that NPD diagnosis from, and have you ever gotten a second opinion? Because this whole situation smells funny. OOP: I was professionally diagnosed! My current therapist agrees with that diagnosis. OOP reiterates: I do have my own therapist, and I really truly am a narcissist. Genuinely. If you met me you would understand. OOP explains: Actually, my sister's therapist helped with a lot of the boundaries! Commenter: You understand that a diagnosis can be reached in error, yeah? A desire to "recover" from NPD is almost perfectly diagnostic for not actually having it. "Other people are not like me; they have desires and needs that are different than my own" is something you wouldn't find it possible to understand if you're genuinely a narcissist. OOP: I don't think that's true. I mean first off, a hallmark of the disorder is thinking you are *not* like other people, not that everyone is like you. Either you think you're way better or way worse or both. You're handling this well: Thank you, I'm trying my best. My husband really helps! It's like, so amazing to have someone who just gets it, you know? I can walk up to him, sit in his lap, and be like, "I want to sing you a whole musical right now," and he'll sit and listen and applaud whatever I want, and if he walks up to me and is like "I'm going to read you this essay about how everyone but me is stupid" I will listen and be delighted and in full agreement because he IS the smartest person. It makes everything easier because we get to be ourselves around each other and it's the best thing ever, AND we're both completely obsessed with our baby because she is the best baby to ever live. Commenter: Do you ever worry you will get upset with your child like you do your friends? Like you said a friend made you sit in the back and you started thinking she was awful and you hated her until you realized you were overreacting. Do you worry how you will treat your daughter when she is old enough to talk back or tell you she hates you (she won’t mean it, all teens say it). Will you be able to love her when she is her own person and not just a reflection of you? OOP: That's one of my deepest fears honestly. I've got plans in place for how I'm supposed to react to everything but realistically things don't go according to plan. I love her so much, and I never want to hurt her. But if I ever do, I'll spend every moment trying to make it right, and I'll let her know from the start that Mommy isn't always right about everything, and sometimes Mommy makes mistakes, but she's always loved no matter what. The dress: Sweetheart Ball Gowns Alta Couture Quinceanera Gowns in Color | Style - MQ3093 It was this one! One last thought: I'll never not be a narcissist, but I'm trying my best to be a good person. Editor's note: There are hundreds of comments from OOP. Most of the comments on the update are people arguing about whether or not she's a narcissist and what boundaries she should/shouldn't have. It's very interesting to hear OOP's perspectives, but I've already included many of her comments so don't want to make it too long. However, I'll include two more that detail some more of her past: OOP: Okay you want to hear why I am a diagnosed narcissist? Let's go. If I don't get attention, am alone too long, or cannot express everything in my mind to someone-- doesn't really matter who-- I can't feel anything. I just go numb. There's no happiness, no anger, no anything, just this vat of numbness that is unbearably dull and cannot be escaped until I have all eyes on me. I genuinely believe I am the best at everything I do on an emotional level. I think I am a musical genius, and there's a bit to back that up, but I also think I'm a dancer on the level of at least any backup at a concert, that my drawings are good enough to be in a museum, that my writing is deep and ingenius, that I'm prettier than 99% of models even with the baby weight, that I can act well enough to win an Oscar if I was ever randomly put in a big budget movie for no reason... and I have nothing backing any of THAT up, except maybe the writing being slightly above average. My husband has told me that he agrees with the model thing and I have to put that in this reply. The last time I failed-- full on failed-- it was at chemistry, and I temporarily became a full on antivaxxer because I decided chemistry was made up and stupid and nobody could ever really understand it and they were all just getting lucky and also evil. In reality I am not good at science. I still kind of resent scientists. I also decided that my teacher must be madly in love with me and punishing me for being so beautiful because he didn't want his wife to divorce him. That is how my mind works when I am not good at a thing. I recently sat my husband down, told him that I had rewritten a whole musical to be about another character, and how it was so much better than the original. I one-woman showed both the original and then mine in front of him without even my piano and demanded he tell me in detail all the ways mine was better than the original. He has never seen the original or read the book it was based on first. I will talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. Look at this post. Look how many hours I've spent talking about myself. In detail that's probably not the smartest. Because I am absolutely loving the attention. I've had four hour conversations in which the other person said maybe ten sentences max. My husband wants to inform you that it is more like ten words. My friend had me sit in the backseat instead of shotgun while she took me and two other girls to a very expensive concert for her birthday and I decided she must secretly hate me and that she was boring and mean anyway and by the time we reached the show I was sure I'd go no-contact after, only to realize the shotgun friend was the only one not sitting next to her in the show and she was trying to be fair and immediately remembering that actually she's really smart and kind and fun and I love her. I told her all this to her face the next day and she said she could tell because she saw me glaring at her in the rearview mirror. I throw a ball on my birthday. A literal ball. We save up all year and I get a fancy dress and rent a ballroom. I make my friends call me "Princess [my name] and pretend to be my ladies in waiting. The princess thing is actually pretty consistent in my life. I have tea parties at least once a month too. I am not a poor little meow meow with a misdiagnosis. I'm a person who has more than one personality trait, and honestly I don't like that so many people want to say it's wrong, because my husband has the same diagnosis and so do a lot of my close friends, and they're the people I am able to be myself around best, and who most understand me. It hurts to hear them disparaged even if you're trying to uplift me in the process. How the husband relationship works: Well, my husband and I just each see the other as an extension of ourselves, and we love each other. I have a princess complex, he has a hero complex, we require the other to fulfill that. For our friends, there's definitely some competition there, but there's also a lot of mutual enjoyment. One of my friends is a pretty famous influencer, and she's great to have around, because she gets us VIP treatment everywhere. She took the pictures for my wedding! We do fashion together, and I get a steady stream of promotion gifts from her because we have very different coloring and what looks good on me almost always looks not as good on her. And vice versa, I suppose. Another of my NPD friends is an alto and I'm a soprano, and so we're usually going for different roles in musicals. Basically, as long as we each have a defined niche, we can agree our group in total is the best and each of us is the best at our role. I'm the best blonde soprano musician in the group and I don't mind if other people are the best at their own thing, because I don't do social media/sing alto/whatever else. submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I (26f) work for an amazing small engineering company but have always had an issue with a woman named "Cheryl." Cheryl is a holdover office manager from when the current owner's dad founded the company and the company is her Queendom. I actually feel very sorry for her because she's divorced, her kids don't speak with her and I think the company is the only thing that she has going in her life. She is like a grandma to the current owner but he has admitted that he can't wait until she retires because she is overbearing with him too. The company had an amazing year and our owner decided that we were essentially going to shut down for the month of June and he was going to host an optional retreat in Mexico where he would pay for all food, drinks and accommodations but we had to pay for our plane ticket. When I found out Cheryl was not planning on going, I could not sign up fast enough. I flew down with a friend/coworker and the second we got our bags put away it was bikinis on and straight to the swim up bar. On the way down the hallway we ran smack into Cheryl. We tried to be pleasant but she looked me up and down like I was dressed like a street walker and she looked so disgusted. My friend and I walked along smirking that we weren't in the Queendom and made jokes about finding Cheryl a nice man so she'd either get laid or k-napped. By the time we got to the pool Cheryl had sent out a group text reminding us that we were on a "work trip" and we should choose our outfits to reflect the prestige of the company paying for the trip. We could not stop laughing and we agreed that our best bet was to avoid Cheryl for the week. When we were on our way back to the room Cheryl intercepted us in the hallway (she seriously must have been staring out her peephole waiting on us) and she said that when she sent the group text she meant that I should change out of "that, immediately" (she said while pointing basically at my ass). I said I was sorry Cheryl but this isn't a work trip and my bikini was totally appropriate for the resort. She said "we are a company founded on Christian principles and we should dress as such." I suck so bad at confrontation and this was one of those things were five minutes after I had a million witty things to say but all I could come up with was that I will wear a sarong in the hotel but this is all I brought for the pool and beach. She said "you get paid well enough, guy buy something more appropriate." The "get paid enough" comment made me see red because that is so none of her business and I worked my ass off through a male dominated field and shit jobs and took a huge risk to work for a small company because I wanted a job that cared about me. I told her "Cheryl, I hate confrontation but you can go fuck yourself, that was so out of line." For the first time since I've met Cheryl she was actually speechless and just turned around and went in her room and closed the door. My friend thought it was the funniest thing she'd ever seen and said she was so proud of me for sticking up for myself. Initially I felt good about it too but ever since yesterday I am just wracked with guilt and I feel like a major asshole. I feel like there were a million other ways I could have handled it and I should not have let Cheryl see that she upset me. She is a very lonely person and though I don't like her, I don't need to say such cruel things to her. I feel like an asshole. AITA? edit: for the people asking, my swimsuit was from a company called cocoloba. They really only make one style and I guess it's probably best described as "cheeky" and not really a thong but they have a tendency to ride up by butt since I have wider hips, yes my checks were visible but it was far from dental floss. edit 2: wow people are really focused on the swimwear...I do have pics of the swimsuit on me when I was tubing with my family last weekend on my Instagram but not sure if that's safe to send out a link? This is my first ever post on a sub like this so I guess can I get some input on that? Also my friend actually had one a one piece but it's aa full-on thong--it'ss very cute on her but she didn't get the same "look" from Cheryl because she had a cover up on her bottom when we were in the hotel. Edit 3: I had ZERO idea this would blow up the way it did and I had no idea this would get so much internet snark. Please keep in mind I tried to post this originally on the other AITA sub but they have a word limit so I had to come up with some word economy and even then didn't make it so I posted here. Some of the things I wish I could have included in the original: This is not a work a trip, in fact the evite said specifically its not a work trip. It's tangible bonus for a job well done this year. There is no mention of a dress code and I am dressed well in line with other women at the resort, in fact some are way more scantily dressed than me. The resort is huge and I would guess there are probably 2000+ guests total. I think maybe 10 people from our office our coming plus some families and kids. There are no dinners, events, meetings, hangouts or obligations so no way could this be considered a work trip. I wish I could have been more clear about the company "closing" for the month. We aren't closed but have no projects due until mid-July and we all have the option to work from home, take time for graduations and vacations. This hasn't happened in the 3 years I've been here, and I don't think it will happen again, but it's been really nice. The trip to Mexico is also not a month long--it's up to a week centered around yesterday to Saturday. I am not some mean high schooler--I'm actually very, very shy and bookish. I am probably considered "pretty" but it took me a long time to see myself as such. I was a swimmer in high school and it took me years, well after college in fact, to even try on a bikini. I decided last year I liked the cheeky look because its probably more common than not where we go tubing on the weekends. The part about getting Cheryl "laid or k-napped" was a total joke and we meant no harm and it was only between the two of us. It really surprises me people are so hung up on that and I find it really hard to believe that most everyone hasn't made a similar sort of joke about a frustrating co-worker. If you haven't, I guess that's good but gallows humor is huge in the engineering field and I deal with jokes along those lines all day long at work. submitted by /u/dafdaddm to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/MoneyPhotograph4176 Originally posted to r/entitledparents My entitled mom wants me to pay my creep step-brother's student debt Trigger Warnings: emotional abuse and manipulation, bullying, mentions of child neglect, verbal abuse, animal abuse, peeping tom, stalking, sexual abuse, pedophilia, death of a loved one Original Post: May 11, 2024 I (29F) have an older Step-brother, Chris (42M) who has been a nightmare since the day my mom married his dad. Let me give a bit of background: Our parents married when I was 4 and he was 17. Both our parents were widowed. After their wedding, we moved to the US since my mom had American citizenship through marriage. I was born in the US too, but after my dad died when I was 1, my mom and I moved back to Colombia. Step-dad got his residency through marriage and my step-brother because he was a minor. My step-brother wasn't a big fan of me. My only memories of him are just constant bullying. He would be left in charge of me since he was studying locally and lived with my parents, but mostly his 'babysitting' really meant things like locking me in the guest bathroom or the shed outside. He would steal my lunchbox whenever he was the one who dropped me off at school. He even began to harm my pets. I have an old cat that has been with me for almost 22 years. He tried more than once to run her over with his car. My parents never believed any of it. He's the classic golden child. My mom absolutely wanted a son instead of a daughter, so my step-brother took priority over me. The bullying just kept getting worse and creepier. He had this long key for the bathroom. The door was designed in case it got locked by accident, one could open them by inserting a long stick or key through a small hole on the outside. He would use it to walk in on me showering. My underwear would disappear sometimes and I know for a fact it was him. He also started taking pictures of me sleeping. One night I woke up to him taking care of himself next to me while I slept. I yelled obviously. My parents came over, but he wasn't in trouble. I was for 'tempting him'. I was 14 when this happened. He was 27. No one helped me and he got bolder until he did something I am still in therapy for when I was 16. It got to a point where I called my biological half-older brother Sam(48M and son of my biological father's first wife) to see if I could live with him and his wife, Sandy, during my last two years of high school. When Sam found out what was going on, he confronted my mom. My mom didn't care and just told him to take me so long he never asked her for money. Done and done. My brother and his wife became my legal guardians and took me in with my cat and the old family dog since I didn't trust leaving any living creature with Chris around. My parents never checked on me. My extended family from my father's side knew what happened and they immediately got together to ensure I could finish school well and go to college. I don't know my maternal family at all. Thanks to my paternal family, including Sam's mother and her family, I got my bachelor's and master's, no student debt, and work as a nurse practitioner. I still live with Sam, his wife, and their two kids, and I pay a small rent. Neither Sam nor his wife expected me to pay anything, but that's the least I can do for the two people who have taken care of me for 13 years. For anyone wondering why I didn't move, it's incredibly expensive where I live and Sam insisted I stay with them until I save enough to buy my own home. Things seemed okay until my mom messaged me recently. She had not messaged me since I was 18 when she told me she no longer had any responsibility to me. In this message, she sounded overly friendly, telling me how she missed me and asking how I was doing. I was a bit creeped out but decided to be nice, telling her about what I had done since leaving her care. She seemed very interested since apparently she knew I was a nurse, but not what kind I was. She began asking me about my salary. I didn't tell her anything about it, but that it was enough to pay the bills. My mom then began texting about Chris and how he was barely making any money due to his student debt. Apparently, Chris never finished a degree, jumping from career to career. He is now working in my stepdad's used cars business as a salesman, but most of his pay went to pay the substantial student debt he got over the year. I told my mom how sorry I was that Chris was having a hard time and wished him luck. That's when my mom finally got to what she wanted: She texted me I needed to pay his student debt so he could finally begin to 'make the money he deserves like the man of the family'. I just turned off my phone. When I got home, Sam was surprised since I was usually the last to arrive. Sandy wasn't home yet. I told Sam what happened and showed him my mom's text messages. I don't think I've seen Sam this angry ever. He told me to block my mom, stepdad, and Chris if I had not done so yet. After talking with Sam and Sandy, I called my boss to ask the next day and the one after off. This gave me a 4 day weekend including the days I'm normally off shift. My boss was more than okay with this and told me to just take it easy and let her know if she could help. This backfired because the next day my mom and Chris decided to come to Sam's house to speak to me. I was alone since Sam and Sandy were at work, and the kids were at school. I immediately called Sam and told him what was going on. He told me not to open the door and that he was on his way. My mom spent the whole time screaming that I 'owed them' for raising me and that my 'sweet brother' deserved the money. Chris was going around trying to find a window or door unlocked. There wasn't any since the windows have safety bars and the only other door is in the closed garage and one in the yard. The yard one was locked and just in case I locked the one in the garage. I won't post what he called me when he saw me from one of the windows, but basically, he pretty much told me they should have thrown me away when I was a baby since I grew to be a 'b'. He pounded in one of the windows so hard, he actually cracked the glass. Eventually, he gave up and went back to the front door, clearly trying to kick it down. I didn't have anything to worry about, the door was a security door, but I was still very scared. Between yelling, threatening, pleading, and insults, I finally heard Sam screaming to them to get lost. I only saw things from the window; Sam pretty much dragged them both off the porch. They got to a point I couldn't hear, but I saw my mom and Chris pale and look scared before they pretty much ran to their car and drove off way past the legal speed limit. Sam came in a bit after and immediately went full overprotective brother mode, asking me if I was okay. He kept saying sorry and hugging me. Sandy arrived almost immediately after and she looked like she was about to commit a felony. Apparently, Sam threatened him with filing charges for what he did to me when I was 16. My brother's ace: my stepdad was willing to testify against his own son. That seemed enough to get Chris off our backs, but not my mom. Since then, it's been 3 days, and my mom has sent texts, called non-stop with various numbers, and rallied a group of people who are supposedly my maternal family to harass me for money. She claims that money should legally be hers since she's my mother. That it's my late father's missed child support. Sam is helping me find a lawyer to get a restraining order on my mom and I plan to take my step-dad's offer to testify by pressing charges against Chris. I can't say I can forgive him for not stopping his son, but I appreciate he's at least trying. I don't know the details, but Chris did something to a relative of his dad and since then they had a really bad fallout. I took my boss' offer and will be on vacation for a few more days. But here it is. My vacation days are getting eaten up and my therapist might need a therapist after. Thankfully my dark sense of humor and supportive paternal family are keeping me somewhat sane. Relevant Comments United-Manner20: Change your phone number- it’s super easy. You can either do it from an app on your phone or call customer service to your phone provider. She can’t harass you if she doesn’t have your telephone number even if she calls from unknown numbers she’d have to know your number first. OOP: It's something I plan to do, but I can't immediately. I use my phone for work. DryBite9885: Love, take a breath. You’ve been through a lot in a very small amount of time. Breathe. I know you need it. I’m so sorry your own mother is doing this to you. It sounds like Sam and Sandy are helping you do everything correctly though. I’m so glad you have them to back you up.   Update: May 14, 2024 I didn't think I would be making an update so soon, but my mother is unrelenting. To the people that were so kind and gave me advice earlier, thank you so much. It really helps to have people show kindness in difficult days. I follow with the advice to freeze my credit and I will be getting a new phone for personal use. Will have to keep my old phone for work for a little. Now to update on the situation: We are going through with pressing charges and might do a civil lawsuit for two years of child support my mother owns. We are not sure yet of our chances on it, but my brother San wants to go scorch earth. As for my mother, she began a new campaign. She's been posting about me false accusing my step-brother Chris of SA. She's been accussing me of being a 'temptress that tried for years to sleep with my brother' and even got a few relatives, who I just found out are my aunts, to join in saying they were witnesses. I never met these women in my life. My step-father actually commented in her post saying my mom was lying and accusing his own son of being a p*do. That's how I found out what was the big fallout between them. Step-brother went after one of Step-father's nieces. I don't know the girl's age, but she has to be about my age if I'm thinking of the right person. If not, she's younger than me. A lot of my biological father's relatives have also gone into social media to call out my mother, saying she had always claimed she was an orphan and had no family, while now she has three sisters. It's a mess, I'm just watching for now and being a stay-at-home aunt. My nephews love it since we go out after they finish homework for crazy shenanigans. My boss has helped me with some paperwork for leave of absence and I should be off for about 6 weeks. After I'll be mostly working from home for a few weeks. Not the greatest update, and to be sincere things are not fun. But its nice to spend time with the kiddos at least. Also, forgot this: No, my mom is not likely sleeping or in a relationship with my stepbrother. Some people had mention this. My mom always wanted a son. I was a disappointment because I was born a girl. She treats my brother like he's her real son and I think she truly loves him as a mother. She made sure to tell me how disappointing it was for her when I was born. Relevant Comments gemmygem86: Screenshot all she says and save it OOP: My brother got it. I have her blocked. I would post them, but there's a lot of personal information that will be hard to blur. She put the whole rant over a picture of us as a 'family'. So it would be hard to blur faces.   Update #2: May 17, 2024 I was recommended to post here but wasn't sure were to start. My mother was widowed when I was 1 years old. My biological father was much older than her, she was a second wife with 20+ age difference. After that she remarried her hometown sweetheart and adopted his 17-years-old son. My dad was American, mom is Colombian. I was born in the US, then we moved for a few years back to Colombia, and we returned to the US when I was 4. My whole life my mother constantly complained about the fact I was a girl. She would say things like: "If you were a boy, maybe we could have gotten more from you father' or 'girls are so useless'. All I was for her was the problem child. She took my inheritance and squandered it. Mostly on things for my step-brother. Whenever she had guests, she would always introduce me and joke how I ruined her body and wasn't even worth it since I was a girl. Most her friends thought I had some kind of mental illness because of her lies about me being mentally 'behind' (she used the r word). She would often blame it on my gender, though. Saying because I was born a girl, I was clearly inferior. During holidays, I would be left behind with a sitter. I was just too much of a 'problem child' and would ruin things for my 'sweet brother'. We only have one family picture from when I was 5. If I got anything nice with my own money, my mother would take it from me if it was something like make up or clothes, saying I wasn't attractive enough or worthy enough to have such nice things. I should just stick with a plain face since it will make it easier for me to find a job when I was done with high school. She had no intentions of letting me go to college. But the worst part is she never protected me. My stepbrother is a predator. At first he just bullied me. Stealing my food, locking me in dark places. When I hit puberty though, he began to do worst things. Walking on me when I showered, even if I locked the door, stealing my underwear, watching me sleep, and he even SAed me when I was 16 and he was 29. My mother blamed it on me, saying I was tempting her poor sweet boy. I was saved by my biological half-brother and his wife. They took me in at 16, finished raising me and put me through college with the help of my paternal family. Even my father's first wife pitched in and has always been kind to me. She's more a mother to me than my mother was. Now I'm 29 years old, I have a good career as a nurse practioner and I'm saving to buy my own home. My mother found out about this and has been demanding I give her my money because she is my mother and my money should be hers. She also demands that I pay my abusive step-brother's student loans. Since I refused to fall on my dear mother's demands, she has now gone online to post I am a 'temptress' that is trying to ruin her son's life and that I refuse to pay her back for all the care and love she gave me over the years. She even had some women that are supposedly my aunts join her in this. I never met any of my maternal family. As far as I knew, my mother was an orphan. Now I suddenly have three aunts that have seen how bad a person I am.   My entitled mom steals my inheritance, now she probably is going to prison: May 20, 2024 So, this might be my last update on the mess with my mother and step-brother since we're finally starting the legal fights, but I finally had a good laugh. In my previous posts, I haven't said a lot about my biological father. He died when I was one year old, so I never really met him. I have one picture of him holding me when I was an infant. I mostly know him from stories from his family. What I do know is he was a man of means. He had a lot of assets that he had carefully divided in his will. Not like so rich I'll never have to work type. Just rich enough that I would be able to live comfortable so long I worked and did right by my finances. I was not aware he had made sure to leave me with anything. Neither did my half-brother Sam, his son with his first wife, I'm the daughter of an affair partner turned second wife. My understanding was that anything I inherited was wasted by my mother to buy things for her predator step-son Chris who she prefers to me. He was my abuser growing up. In her words: "Daughters don't need inheritance. Just marry a wealthy old man like me." Well, since my mother and Chris have been harrassing me lately, we drove to my dad's lawyer to get some things we need from my dad's records for the lawsuit we are planning. He's a sweet older man, kinda looks like my dad a bit, and was my dad's best friend. When we met, he received me with a hug and told me how happy he was to finally meet with him. His wife was there too and she also gave me a big hug and told me we needed to have dinner at their place. Once we all caught up, we found my mother had been faking receipts to get money from my trust. A lot of it. Some of it from when I was under Sam's guardianship. And she's not the executor of my trust, she had to provide receipts for anything. She's been sending receipts 'for me because I'm still in medical school'. I finished school in 2021. Well, her meal ticket not only got torn, and now she's in big trouble. Because this is fraud and basically my hands are tied about pressing charges or not. She claims me as a dependant on her taxes, so my dad's lawyer would refund her for her expenses. He basically told me there's just no way we can keep this just in civil court. He had to contact IRS and the police. Doesn't help she's been using my social security number for some things she shouldn't. (Thank you for the people that advised me to freeze my credit. You guys saved me for sure.) I probably won't be able to post for quite a while. And I'm going to be incredibly busy. I'm just mentally exhausted about how much has happened. I wouldn't have done anything about my mom using my trust if she had left me alone. I wouldn't even know about it because the trust is set for me to take over it with proof of marriage or graduating college. And since I didn't know about it, I never sent the required paperwork to take control. She could have milk it dry if she left me alone and just kept sending fake information. I am in the process to get what's left of my trust. There's quite a bit in it and should be enough for me to get a house or condo if I mix it with my savings, and still have left over to invest or do other things safely. I might wait for a while to buy anything though. I don't know how safe it would be since my mom still has my social security number. Relevant Comments m2cwf: It doesn't sound like OP can drop any charges - mom didn't just defraud OP, she defrauded the IRS and the executor of the trust (or the trust itself, not sure if that's a thing), she committed identity theft. She's in trouble for sure, as OP says it's largely out of her hands and the big guns are going after mom now. OP I hope she gets all the consequences she deserves, and you get all the justice that you deserve for dealing with all the mess and harassment! OOP: You pretty much said almost word by word what was explained to me. I could drop the civil lawsuit, but I won't. The criminal stuff is out of my hands. In the wise words of every person with two braincells to rub together: Don't f with the IRS. Vegetable-Cod-2340: Honestly I’m a little surprised she hadn’t already used any of the money she already stole to pay off his student loans. Op, I can only recommend that you use some of that money to outfit your new home with the top notch security system. Once you have access to your trust , you’ve cut off her money and that matters more anything , it may tip her over the edge. OOP: In part the reason why I plan to stick with living with my brother Sam until we have a better idea of what is t he safest way for me to move on. SalisburyWitch: Question: is she a US citizen? Any legal problems could lead to deportation. OOP: She is. I know my step-dad isn't. Not sure if my step-brother went for naturalization. He was a resident since he came to the US as a minor.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the original poster. That is u/Emergency-Swim-1153. She posted in r/offmychest. Trigger Warning: child abuse, scapegoating, assault, suicidal ideation, colorism Mood Spoiler: hopeful for OOP I told my sister to go ahead and off herself (and I don't regret it) (November 26, 2023) I'm 24 and my sister, Christy, is 25. I hated her for a time, but now I just don't care. We were raised in the same house by the same parents, but treated completely differently. Christy went to private school, was chauffeured around by our stay-at-home mother, and was given a hefty allowance. I went to public school, rode the public bus and walked everywhere, and never had an allowance. No extended family would say anything beyond claiming my parents and sister loved me, that I have to understand that it wasn't their place, and that maybe things would be better if I tried harder. I hated them just as much as I hated my parents.Christy mocked me relentlessly growing up. She was the pretty one and the smart one. If I got upset by her mocking, I was told I'm being sensitive and that it was sibling love. If I said hurtful things right back, I was grounded because "I took it too far." I wasn't allowed to outshine her, I wasn't allowed to have friends. My clothing was policed by her and the few nice clothing aunts and uncles would get me would be replaced with frumpy and unattractive clothing. It would end up in her wardrobe My parents would back up Christy saying I "couldn't pull it off" and that "it looks inappropriate" when I wore it. The rest of the family, the people who gave me the clothes included, would compliment how good she looked and pretty much validate Christy. I know for a fact that I am and have always been attractive. Even in those ugly outfits, I managed to get asked out on multiple dates and got a boyfriend sophomore year. Said boyfriend knocked up Christy our senior year after cheating on me with her since I got my early admission letter and was "neglecting him and the family." She told me the day before my graduation, claiming he was going to marry her and they were in love and it grew from me abandoning them both, blah blah. Our mother was there and because I didn't really react, she thought I was "being a good sister" and said she was so proud of me. I didn't cry about it. I just packed up my car when everyone was asleep, skipped my graduation and the supposed party that was planned, and I left. My only stop was to the police station where I gave them my info, told them that if I'm reported missing that I'm not, and bluntly said I'm running from an abusive family, was going away to college, and never coming back. Got rid of my phone and everything. Went to school, got a good internship turned job, brought the condo I was renting, had my dream wedding. Christy got in contact with me via Facebook. Her DMs, two days worth because I don't really use my Facebook, consistented of her saying I abandoned her when she needed me most, that she's practically a single mom, her husband (my ex) hates her and got with a woman that looks like me, our parents blame her for me leaving and won't help her, and the entire family treats her kid like crap for being the product of an affair.She didn't get into any of the colleges she applied to, couldn't go to college as a full-time mother. She switched between blaming me for her misfortune and throwing a pity party. While reading, I didn't feel much of anything reading how awful her life turned out. I think I truly just stopped caring and so even karma beating her down didn't give me any joy. Then she both DMed and tagged me in a post that read "I feel like I'm drowning and I just need my sister. Why won't you respond? Why did you leave me when I needed you the most? Please, I'm in such a bad place, if you don't help I'll just end it all." I replied via comment and DM - "go ahead and off yourself. I'm not helping you and frankly don't care. You stopped being my sister the day you gave me bleach as a gift" and blocked her shortly after. The logical part if me is telling me that was wrong, but I just can't bring myself to care enough to feel guilty. If something happens to her, I still don't think I'll care. This is contrary to what her family and friends think, all people I've blocked without bothering to read their messages. Responses from OOP in comments: Commenter: Given how close you were in age, is it possible that one of you is adopted? Or the product of an affair? I don't understand how your parents could be so openly cruel and no one stood up for you.You didn't deserve any of that and I'm glad you were able to thrive without them. I hope you live a good life far, far away from all those people. You don't owe your "sister" anything. OOP: No adoptions, no affairs. Just colorism and me being unplanned, so essentially unwanted. Commenter: To be honest it was one of my thoughts but op says they are African Americans and sister is light skin vs her that she is darker that everyone in the family. I think it might be something related to the color of her skin, as I have read that light skin African American (or just black people in general) consider them more exceptional and that is related to the passing test they went through. OOP: You worded it well and you were accurate on part of my mistreatment. Colorism a major issue in many Black communities and what your friend told you isn't wrong either. And I wasn't even the darkest of my family, just of my immediate family. Commenter: I'm sorry, did you say she gave you bleach as a gift? What is the context there? Telling her to go ahead and kill herself is fucked up. I don't judge you for feeling that way though. But it might've been better to say something like "I'm not there for you because when I was you treated me like a punching bag and got knocked up by my boyfriend. Maybe try getting some sympathy from someone you haven't mistreated their entire life. You reap what you sow." I find the direct and ugly truth works better with these things, and since you are only saying truth and not being actively cruel, other people can't really blame you or call you mean. But man, your sister is fucking delusional turning to you after all that awfulness she put you through. Now she's suffering because she's getting just a taste of what it's like to not be the golden child that receives nothing but praise. Your parents really did a number on you both, and they should be blamed more than your sister. But considering she hasn't seemed to learn a damn thing and isn't taking any accountability for anything...she can go pound sand too. OOP: The context for the bleach. My family is Black-American and while Christy was always light skinned, I was much darker than her and both my parents. For my 14th birthday, her gift to me was a "spa kit" that consisted of skin lightening products, exfoliating products, a bottle of bleach. She told me that I needed to "lighten up" and that was the best gift anyone could give me. She wasn't grounded, but I was when I threw her "gift" out and didn't apologize when she started crying. MIL got arrested (not a good thing, but I'm happy regardless) (December 12, 2023) This happened two days ago. She said "worth it" once my husband, Derek, and I bailed her out. No charges are being pressed against her, something I'm extremely happy about. This is somewhat of an update to my previous post about my sister, Christy, and my response to her unaliving threat (it wasn't nice and I still don't feel guilty). My mother, who'll be called Emma, was able to get in contact with my brother Cam not long after Christy's post was deleted. He didn't tell me at the time, but he thought it was our maternal grandparents calling - it wasn't. He did talk to her and shared that I was married, had a good job, so on. He essentially was rubbing in her face that I was living an amazing life and didn't need them. He admits that he saw red when she didn't believe this because I never posted about any of that stuff on Facebook (again, I don't really use it - if I want you to know something, I'll call or text). He sent her pictures of my wedding, specifically pictures that showed how extravagant and intimate it had been - we only had thirty-two guests and because of MIL's and FIL's contributions, we were able to have our dream wedding at a beautiful venue. Cam also listed all of my other achievements, talked on how I finally had parents that loved me and treated me properly. I can't even be mad at him, even though he thinks I should be because Emma figured out where I was based on his bragging about having mended his relationship with me and me staying with him. Based on that, he thinks that's how she figured out where to start looking. Plus, our shared and individual friends and my in-laws are far more active online than I am and not all of them have their accounts private. Cam follows them and they follow him, so he feels like he's to blame. She doesn't know where I live (hopefully), but she was at a cafe I normally go to with my MIL (she and FIL are adamant about group and solo bonding with their children and I'm always included in this tradition). I was with my MIL and, well, Cam wasn't exaggerating about me having parents that now love me. When I first met Derek, I had a hard time opening up to him and we both agreed to start as friends and see where things went when I was comfortable with the idea of any kind of intimate relationship. His parents were so kind to me and when we started dating, I had difficulty with them. It was my FIL who sat me down one night after diner and told me that their son loves me and they can see why, so I should love myself and allow myself to be loved too. By that point I had spent three months observing how they treated Derek and his older brothers, how close Derek was with his parents and brothers, and how healthy their relationships were. I blubbered and can admit I fixated on him ruining my makeup - it was my "obsessing with my appearance instead of dealing with internal crap" phase and FIL just hugged me and said I was adorable but shouldn't ignore my feelings like that because it would just fester (he's amazing and I love him so much). Random tangent, but that memory came to mind. Anyways, MIL and I came to the cafe together and I'm gonna be honest, I didn't really recognize my mother until I heard her speak. Her voice is the same voice that used to insult me and yell at me, no different after so many years. She'd gained weight and was still as attractive as ever, but I don't know, I didn't immediately realize it was her. I realized who she was when she called my name and I just turned around and left. I didn't realize my MIL wasn't following me until I was back in my car and about to start it. I got back out and went to go get her, I felt horrible for just leaving her behind like that. MIL seemed calm when I got back, but Emma was not - she was mid sentence and what I heard was "-your daughter, who do you think you are!?" She shoved my MIL and MIL said "the one that loves her the way a mom should, who do YOU think YOU are?" And then MIL wasn't so calm because Emma said "that lying w****'s REAL mother." That was all it took for her to jump on Emma. She got in multiple punches before I got her off and cops showed up not long. I guess the cafe workers or customers called before things escalated. Either way, she was arrested and MIL was bailed out ASAP. She told me it was worth it the moment we were in the car and I just started laughing and crying when she ranted about how angry Emma made her thinking she could call "my daughter" anything degrading and get away with it. She said she was so happy I ran away and found them because she couldn't believe anyone could insult me like that when she knows what type of person I am and probably have always been - "you just weren't allowed to be that person. I should've hit her harder!" Is it awful that I feel so good about this? It's like my child-self is getting her wishes, however delayed the granting is, and I'm just so happy someone loves me enough be angry for me. Growing up, my parents never defended me from anyone. Most of the time, they'd openly agree with any insult directed at me even when I was right there. As a footnote, I noticed some comments asking for an update on Christy. In a comment, I said she deleted her post not long after I deleted my comment. The few people whose messages I actually read claimed they were going to have a wellness check done and told me if something happened, it would be my fault. At the time, I didn't know Cam and Derek were both getting messages too. Derek's response was to send everyone a comprehensive list of everything I had ever vented to him about. It included some of what I vented about in my first post, but also some other things that I've told him about. He ended each list with a question - "why should my wife feel any shame for responding that way to one of her abusers?" No one responded to him and unlike me, he never blocked anyone. Cam's response was to shame them and reveal that Christy has always implied unaliving herself to get her way just like her mother. He shared old texts between him and our parents and some between him and Christy as proof. Yes, she has always done that and so has our mother, but I didn't know they did that to him too. No one responded to him either. I don't know if there was an actual wellness check. Cam has blocked everyone, including both sets of grandparents, so I guess I have another partner in my NC boat. Cam has apologized and offered to cover MIL's bail (Derek told him no, but that he could host a small gathering celebrating MIL's accomplishment instead - I love this man). I assured Cam that I don't blame him at all. MIL getting arrested made me feel awful and I blamed myself for leaving her alone with Emma initially. But I don't blame Cam. The fact that he cared so much to be offended on my behalf and brag about me made me feel good too. Him and Derek and MIL defending me just makes me feel pure joy. It's not a happy situation, but I'm just so happy regardless. submitted by /u/piercingeye to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Throw away account I 54f have 3 kids, the one pertaining to this post is 26m we'll call him Caleb. Caleb has been with his fiance Ashley 26f for 4 years and they recently got engaged. I have offered to pay for their wedding, with two stipulations 1. They use a wedding planner- I feel this is essential due to the size of the event and the amount of money going into it. 2. I have 8 people I'm inviting (older relatives that I'm close with) They both agreed to a wedding planner and said they will look for one that they feel comfortable with. The issue is Ashley does not want me to be able to invite anyone. Caleb knows the relatives well but it's not super close with them and Ashley has only met them a few times. The wedding is going to be a very large and grand affair she comes from a very large family and we have a very large family. We're expecting 300 to 400 guests and I've given them a budget of $150,000 USD. Caleb says he doesn't care but it makes Ashley uncomfortable since she doesn't know them that well and it's her day. Her family is saying that I am TA (even though they aren't willing to continue financially) I don't care about any of the other details of their wedding whatever they choose is fine as long as I get the two things that I want. So Reddit am I TA? Edit: the 8 people are my aunt's and uncles, they helped me a lot with the kids. We don't come from money, I was in a severe car accident that left me paralyzed from the waist down. With the lawsuit money I made some investments that turned out to be very lucrative. Without their help between watching the kids and financially I would have been up shits creek without a paddle when my kids were younger. Edit 2: I see a lot of people saying that she's a gold digger but I do not agree with that. Her father is a very well respected and sought after criminal defense attorney in our area. Her mom runs an at home business. Ashley is currently a surgical intern whereas Caleb is an RN. Her parents paid for all of them to go to college which is why they're not willing to contribute financially towards a wedding. I just got done having lunch with Caleb to talk to him about the conundrum we're in. He said that he hasn't spoken to her about what they've done for us in the past. He did not realize that it would be such a big deal for them to come and figured because of their age they would not want to come. Ashley knows the majority of the family really well because I host birthday parties for all three kids as well as a 4th of July barbecue every year. My aunts and uncles rarely attend the events that I throw because it's hard for them to get around. I'll update after Caleb gets back to me about their talk. Final update: sorry it took so long for this, Caleb talked with Ashley and then they came over for us to all have a sit down. Ashley apologized and said she didn't realize the significance of them. She was concerned because they are pretty old school and like calm/relaxed and didn't want them to have an issue with how they want their wedding. Her family is known for throwing huge bashes (think of the sweet 16 from the Bratz movie) they always go big and very flamboyant and eccentric. We throw large parties but ours are more country bonfire; hamburgers/hot dogs, BBQ, lawn games, ect. Just wanted to say a lot of people are harping on the amount for the wedding. Yes I am fully aware it's a lot of money, they live in a house that Ashley owns. When her grandparents passed away they gave her one of their vacation homes which she sold and bought the house her and Caleb currently live in which is near the hospital they work at. Caleb owns a house that I gave to him as a graduation present that he rents out for additional income. They both own their cars, I paid for his education and her parents paid for hers. They are debt free and have their ducks in a row. I donate a significant amount of money to various charities (Ronald McDonald house, make a wish, habitat for humanity, and St. Jude's) I want my kids to get what I never had, my dad died from an OD when I was 16 and my mom passed away from cancer when I was 28. My dad bounced from job to job and my mom worked 3 jobs just to support me and my brother to the best of her ability. My wedding was $4,000 and small because that's all I could afford at the time, I was planning on doing a bigger vowel renewal for our 10 year anniversary but the car accident happened a year before then and I felt so depressed at the time I did not want to go through with a big event. For people curious Food/drinks: $70,000 ($175 per person includes servers and bartenders) Dj: $6,500 (includes photo booth and light show) Photographer: $9,000 (includes 3 photographers and a videographer) Bridal party outfits/hair/makeup: $6,200 Venue: $10,000 (includes tables, chairs, setup and cleanup) Flowers: $5,000 Favors: $5,000 Decor: $8,500 Cake & cupcakes: $3500 Wedding planner: $4,500 Dress: $18,000 custom dress (she's purchasing a second dress with her own money) Them getting engaged was no surprise they have been talking about it for a while. I think Ashley is a wonderful girl and up until now there has never been anything that has been an issue. The reason she hasn't spent more time with my aunt's/uncle's is she has a very rigorous schedule because of the internship. She said she will make sure she spends more time with them before the wedding and gets to know them better. Also yes she does know that many people just her relatives are 180 people. submitted by /u/anon1968anon to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

I'm attending my boyfriend's graduation in just over a month, and this will also be the first time I meet his parents. I was wondering if you guys could give me some advice on: -What is appropriate wear when attending a graduation as a guest? (skirt length, general appearance etc) Is a black dress acceptable or should I go for something brighter? -I like my formal outfits to have a mild steampunk touch (one accessory kinda thing, not the entire outfit). Is it good for me to have some identifiable 'me' touches when meeting parents? General advice on this would be very nice. I'm in my late teens, and I dont think maxi dresses flatter me so I'd like to avoid them if possible (I have quite wide hips and they're just not my style). submitted by /u/Siberial to r/femalefashionadvice [link] [comments]