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Home / Gym Outfits Men

Gym Outfits Men

US United States
Sustained growth High volatility Forecasted growth
Gym Outfits Men
What is Gym Outfits Men?

Gym outfits for men in the US refer to specialized clothing designed for physical activities, including workouts, weightlifting, and sports. These outfits typically include moisture-wicking fabrics, comfortable fits, and stylish designs.

Treendly Index Treendly Forecast Google YouTube
How much search volume does it get?
Google searches
40.5K/mo
Who is interested in this?
Gender
Male
78%
Female
15%
Unspecified
7%
Age
18-24
54%
25-34
37%
35-44
6%
45-49
4%
50-54
4%
55-64
4%
65+
4%

Is Gym Outfits Men trending?

Yes. Gym Outfits Men growing with a month-over-month change of 1.32% over the past 5 years, with approximately 40,500 monthly searches.


Why is Gym Outfits Men trending?

1
Increased Focus on Fitness
As health and fitness become a priority for many individuals, the demand for stylish and functional gym outfits has surged, encouraging men to invest in their workout attire.
2
Rise of Athleisure Trend
The athleisure trend has blurred the lines between gym wear and everyday clothing, making it fashionable for men to wear gym outfits outside of the gym, thus increasing their popularity.
3
Influence of Social Media
Social media platforms, particularly Instagram and TikTok, have popularized fitness influencers showcasing trendy gym outfits, motivating men to adopt similar styles.
4
Comfort and Performance
Modern gym outfits are designed with advanced materials that enhance comfort and performance, making them more appealing for workouts and daily wear.
5
Body Positivity Movement
The body positivity movement encourages men to embrace their bodies and feel confident in their appearance, leading to a greater interest in stylish and well-fitting gym attire.

What are people saying?

42 threads
AI Insights Positive sentiment
Discussions about men's gym outfits focus on comfort, style, and functionality, with users sharing preferences for specific brands and types of clothing suitable for workouts. Additionally, there are mentions of how outfits can influence motivation and confidence in the gym environment.
Comfort and Fit
Many users emphasize the importance of comfort and the right fit in gym outfits to enhance workout performance.
Brand Preferences
Brands like Under Armour are frequently mentioned, with users discussing their experiences and satisfaction with specific athletic clothing.
Style and Aesthetics
There is a notable interest in how gym outfits can be stylish while still being functional, with discussions on color coordination and overall appearance.
Motivation and Confidence
Users express that wearing the right outfit can boost motivation and confidence during workouts, impacting their overall gym experience.
Versatility
The ability to wear gym outfits in various settings, including casual outings, is a common theme, highlighting the desire for multi-functional clothing.
Common questions
  • What are the best brands for men's gym outfits?
  • How important is the fit of gym clothes?
  • Can gym outfits affect workout performance?
  • What styles are trending for men's gym wear?
  • How do I choose the right fabric for gym clothes?
Pain points
  • Difficulty finding the right fit and comfort in gym clothing.
  • Limited options for stylish men's gym outfits.
  • Frustration with the durability of certain brands.
  • Confusion about which materials are best for workouts.
  • Concerns about the price versus quality of gym wear.
boards.cruisecritic.com
RE:New Packing Guides
... you’re planning on using the gym or joining any on-board fitness... decadent events, made for those outfits you reserve for truly special ... women. Men’s formal suits: For men, suggested attire for Gala Evenings ... to make use of the gym or join an exercise class, ... for working out in the gym or taking part in a ...
DukeBeetle24 · Jun 2, 2026
www.hotukdeals.com
Under Armour Men's Ua Hg Armour Comp Ss Short-Sleeved Sports T-Shirt for Men - Size M
... Short-Sleeved Sports t-Shirt for Men, Comfortable and Lightweight Gym Clothes for Workouts (Pack... white, it complements various athletic outfits. Weighing just 3.5 ounces...
Thomas2012 · May 27, 2026
forums.spacebattles.com
RE:RWBY Stories, Oneshots, and Ideas
...?" She gestured to her Achieve Men poster. "Everyone likes music, ...Vampire would wear. Not the outfits Ruby, Weiss, and Blake wore ...Like, actually okay? You've changed outfits twice now and you're talking ...Yang. Like, really weird. The outfits, the way you're talking, the-" ... "We were both at the gym. I was lifting weights and ... "Now seriously, what's with the outfits and personality changes?" "I just... ...
eratas123 · May 19, 2026
forums.spacebattles.com
RE:My Eminent Academia
...just wearing their hero outfits if not a gym uniform, or just something... them, do you?" The men began to snicker. "Oh… I ... him out. The other men reacted in shock. "It's just ... George and the Dragon?" The men started to close in on ...garage. "Oh hell nah!" the men began to scream and run ...tried to bite them. Some men were lucky enough to get ...good though. Firstly, once the men got into the highway they ...
UnholyExcaliber456 · May 17, 2026
forums.spacebattles.com
RE:Warframe: Earth-Bet Protocol
... narrow aisle between racks — two men in a cosplay store at... from three. On zero, both men went for the draw. Isaac's... behind him, and grabbed two outfits. An Alexandria costume — the classic.... Have you been hitting the gym?" She appreciated that he was... from actual training rather than gym aesthetics. He kicked off, and...
InhumanMan · May 15, 2026
forums.spacebattles.com
RE:Warframe: Earth-Bet Protocol
... narrow aisle between racks — two men in a cosplay store at... from three. On zero, both men went for the draw. Isaac's... behind him, and grabbed two outfits. An Alexandria costume — the classic.... Have you been hitting the gym?" She appreciated that he was... from actual training rather than gym aesthetics. He kicked off, and...
InhumanMan · May 15, 2026
r/AnytimeFitnessPH
crowdsourcing gym fits/outfits here in ph
any leads where to buy gym fits for men. i know di naman need ng flashy but im aiming to invest in quality or aesthetic look. i already own some fits from nike/adi/puma/ua/decathlon, sa locals JFit/SBS.Supply. Baka lang may idea kayo where to buy these: breath divinity, gymshark,youngla. drop lang ig shops/laz/shop33 stores you know. thank you! submitted by /u/Brrrrrrtbrrrrt to r/AnytimeFitnessPH [link] [comments]
Brrrrrrtbrrrrt · Apr 9, 2026
r/malefashionadvice
Gym Clothes (Men)
Hey guys I just wanted to know what do you normally wear to the gym? Especially since we’ll be hitting April soon and it’ll get a bit warmer again. Also, any brands to keep in mind? Feel free to share pics of outfits too if you want. Going to the physical stores I can try on of course, but if there’s something you ordered online I could see before ordering if that makes sense. Thanks guys in advance 💪🔥💯 submitted by /u/jam0409 to r/malefashionadvice [link] [comments]
jam0409 · Mar 23, 2026
r/workout
Gym Clothes (Men)
Hey guys I just wanted to know what do you normally wear to the gym? Especially since we’ll be hitting April soon and it’ll get a bit warmer again. Also, any brands to keep in mind? Feel free to share pics of outfits too if you want. Going to the physical stores I can try on of course, but if there’s something you ordered online I could see before ordering if that makes sense. Thanks guys in advance 💪🔥💯 submitted by /u/jam0409 to r/workout [link] [comments]
jam0409 · Mar 23, 2026
r/femcelgrippysockjail
Which one am I?
submitted by /u/ArtisticStill5425 to r/femcelgrippysockjail [link] [comments]
ArtisticStill5425 · Feb 4, 2026
r/BestofRedditorUpdates
My (38m) wife (38f) admitted to me that she has quite an intense crush on her personal trainer. What’s the next step?
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwra_wifept Originally posted to r/relationship_advice My (38m) wife (38f) admitted to me that she has quite an intense crush on her personal trainer. What’s the next step? Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: infidelity, sexual harassment, obsessive behavior Original Post: January 20, 2026 We’ve been together 15 years, married for 10. In that time she’s always done something fitness wise be it running or the gym or cycling. About a year ago she decided she wanted to be stronger. She started doing weights at the gym and she was getting there but around four months ago she said she needed some guidance and started doing sessions with one of the gyms personal trainers. She was really enjoying it and about a month ago upped it from two sessions a week to three. There was been a notable change in her strength and I was happy for her as she seemed really proud of herself. Then this weekend she dropped a bombshell on me I had noticed our sex life had pretty much come to a stop a couple of months ago an I spoke to her about it and she said she was sorry it was just the stress of starting a new job mixed with the cold weather and she just wasn’t in the mood. I thought that was fair enough and I’d leave it and let her lead the pace when she was ready to again. Well this weekend she told me that she has developed a very intense crush on her PT and that while she knows crushes happen in relationships this feels like it’s more. She said she finds herself constantly seeking his attention either at the gym or on social media. She has started tagging him in all her posts but I just assumed it was more of a giving credit thing. Then she admitted she has started wearing less and less at the gym to get his attention which is something I hadn’t noticed as she always takes a gym bag with her and gets changed there. She admitted that the last few times we had sex she fantasised that it was him and that’s why she stopped having sex as she felt too guilty. Probably the worst thing she told me was that a few days ago she saw him having a personal session with someone else, a younger woman more his age, and she saw them laughing together and she got that jealous and upset she had to leave the gym and go cry in her car. She said he has done nothing to encourage this and has been nothing but professional throughout all this and he is not at fault. I don’t know what to do I’m crushed. Do I just sit back and wait for the crush to stop? Do I demand she changes gym and blocks this guy? We’ve all had crushes in relationships and eventually they go but I feel like this one won’t she’s being alone with him three times a week and follows him on all her social media accounts. I feel like distance is how you get over this but I don’t want to come across as controlling. What do you think? She doesn’t want to change anything and thinks it will just go away on its own. TLDR: my wife has a crush on her pt and we are struggling to deal with it. Edit: thank you for all the replies. There’s too many to keep up with! I spoke to her last night and got a bit more information and then went and spoke to him and got some more. He has done nothing wrong. I’ll post an update after work tonight.   Editor's note: OOP has made lots of comments, I am listing the top common questions asked and responses Relevant Comments OOP responds to multiple comments about asking his wife to stop seeing the personal trainer if she wants to have some distance from him and recommit herself to OOP OOP: I think this is the direction I’m heading in but she really has progressed under him and I know she isn’t going to want to change. + I think this is the option I’m leaning towards the most. I think only distance can cure this. OOP and his wife should consider about the couples therapy / counseling. OOP: I suggested this but she said no. + She said couples therapy is the death knell of a relationship and is always the last step before divorce. I could say the same about developing feelings for someone else though. Commenter 1: Crying in her car because he talked to another client? That sounds like a lot more than just a crush. OOP: Agreed. It sounds like she’s developed feelings for him. OOP responds to multiple comments about the possibility of his wife sexually harassing the personal trainer at his workplace due to her crying in the car OOP: I never thought of it that way but the fact she won’t even show me her gym outfits tells me she is harassing him. + I’ve took the day off work today and been going through her wardrobe. It basically looks like she’s been wearing padded bikinis. Commenter 2: She needs to quit that gym and get a female personal trainer. Counselling is not optional. She is lucky you are willing to try. I would be done. Her actions and confession are beyond hurtful. OOP: I’m going to tell her later that quitting the gym and blocking him on socials is the minimum I expect. Commenter 3: If I'm being honest, I only ever find this problem of people when they intentionally fly too close to the sun. Her problem wasn't necessarily the crush, it was that she actively, and willingly, fed into it. Most sane people that care for their marriages and relationships will immediately see the problem and try to move as far from it as possible — that's the impasse. You either dump the cold water on it or you add accelerant. She didn't. She made every attempt, pulled every stop, to make it more than a crush and failed the wife test — that's a scary thought. There's so many people out there that turn down a flirt and romantic gesture out of respect for their partners... yeah, she needs therapy. And you need to reevaluate your marriage because she's hanging on by a thread. OOP: That’s a tough but necessary read. Commenter 4: Bro you’re way too calm. WTF?!???! 😳. OOP: Trust me inside I’m torn up. He’s everything that my insecurities aren’t. He’s fit, I’ve got a bad heart, he’s handsome, I’m not, he’s 25 I’m 38, he’s got a full head of hair, I haven’t. I’m screaming internally but I’m trying to handle it rationally. Commenter 5: You are being a little too supportive of this… so how many crushes have you had and rubbed in her face over the years for HER and YOU to think this is acceptable? I also believe your wife won’t cheat, I bet she will wait till she has the green light for him (or anyone) and drop you like yesterday’s news… Anyways I’m a very petty person and I believe what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. So I would go join said gym and make things as uncomfortable as possible 😂. OOP: I’ve probably had two crushes our whole relationship and not actual crushes as in my eyes they couldn’t compete with my wife just more people i looked forward to seeing. One was when I was 25 and she was 60 but there was something about her lol. I’d never told my wife though and I only worked with her for two weeks and rejected her Facebook friend request for obvious reasons. Downvoted Commenter: She's clearly missing something from you, have you tried going to the gym with her? Getting in better shape yourself? I'm surprised you just watched this all happen OOP: I go every other morning before work. I have a physically demanding job so can’t go after work.   Update: January 24, 2026 (four days later) So I spoke to my wife the night after my original post. I said she needs to leave her personal trainer, Quit that gym, and we need to start going to couples counselling. She wasn’t happy and started arguing saying it’s only a crush and it’ll pass and she’s making good progress and then started to frame it as me not caring about her health. Once she realised I wasn’t budging she started trying to bargain with me and saying what if she stopped seeing the personal trainer could she still go to the gym and if she started having sex with me again we don’t need couples counselling. I lost my temper at this point I admit and shouted “enough! I want to know everything! Tell me everything you’ve done! I want to read your messages with him! I want to see these outfits you are wearing! I need to know everything now!” She said fine and stormed off upstairs. She came back down wearing an outfit that was a bit much to be fair for the gym in a cold country but I didn’t say anything and asked to see her phone. She said she deleted the messages. When I asked why she was honest and said she sent him a topless selfie on Christmas Day while I was downstairs cooking the dinner for her bloody family! She then said that while she’s confessing she also kissed another man on a night out in the first year of our relationship. I already knew this because her friend who fancied me at the time told me about it. I asked her why him and not me. What’s he got that I haven’t. She said nothing and it was more about the situation than him. She said she’s starting to feel regret and like she missed out on her youth. She had a boyfriend from school to her early 20s, was single for a year and then met me. She said she’s started to regret not having more fun and she’s starting to enjoy attention from other men more and more especially younger men. When she was telling me originally she said a couple of times “I’m not planning on doing anything it’s just a fantasy, unless you want me to do something” with a nervous laughter and at the time it felt a bit like she wanted to do something but was trying to frame it as my idea but I never really clicked properly. I asked her if when she told me she was expecting me to give her permission and she said she genuinely thought because I don’t get jealous I’d be ok with it I still feel like I wasn’t being given everything though. The outfit and the kiss confession felt like distractions and something was missing. Even telling me about all this in the first place felt a bit like ah was trying to get her story in before someone else told me. I said I’m going for a drive and then went to the gym to speak to her personal trainer. I approached him and said I’m not here for trouble I understand my wife has been harassing you. He wasn’t happy being approached this way which I get but he asked me who my wife was and when I told him he said he knew something like this was going to happen. He told me that he hadn’t trained her since Christmas as he let her go after she had been sending pictures (plural not just the one she told me about). He said since then she had kept messaging but he ignored her. He let me read the messages and she had sent 12 pictures over a three month period. One was fully naked and when he told her not to send them she said she was just showing her progress. The worst part though was she was messaging him stuff like “we’ve had another argument could really do with a session to burn off some anger” and “he’s out drinking with his friends again ignoring me, I’m so lonely” neither of which are true and then she told him mid December that she had kicked me out and we were divorcing! With the Christmas Day picture she even said “first Christmas alone” and just last week she messaged him saying I was already seeing someone else! I thanked him and asked him to send me them and went home. When I got home she was already gone and just wrote me a note saying sorry. She’s at her friend’s house and we’ve been texting a bit the last couple of days and have a marriage counsellor booked for next week but I think it’s done. I’m not even that bothered about the pictures or the flirting or the outfit. The lying about me and our marital status. I don’t drink and we hadn’t argued in years. I’m downstairs entertaining her family while she’s sending nudes (she’s never sent me one) and telling him she’s alone. I’m working all this weekend to try and keep my mind busy. Sorry if I don’t reply quick enough and thank you to everyone who took the time to read and reply to my last post. TLDR: it was a lot worse than she originally let on. Edit: thank you for all the replies I really do appreciate it. There’s been so many I can’t keep up! Thank you to the people who have DMd me as well I really appreciate it. I’ve decided to not bother with marriage counselling and just start divorce proceedings this week. Life really can turn upside in a week. I never thought I’d be single again but here we are.   Editor's note: again, OOP has made lots of comments, I am listing the top common questions asked and responses Relevant Comments OOP responds to a downvoted comment about reporting the personal trainer to his employer OOP: He didn’t do anything wrong. I read the messages he never responded except to tell her to stop messaging him. Commenter 1: Give her the divorce she fantasized about giving you. Better luck next time. No brainer if you don't have kids. OOP: We have no kids or pets. Commenter 2: This was well beyond a crush. This was her actively trying to cheat. If he had been willing she absolutely would have slept with him. OOP: I 100% agree. Commenter 3: All things considered, personal trainer is quite a decent guy. They could have been humping like rabbits if he was receptive of your wife’s action. OOP: Yeah he was a good guy to me. He sent over 20 screenshots. Commenter 4: You should fuck her personal trainer. That will really show her. OOP: That made me laugh lol Commenter 5: Yeah, when you wrote “she was honest and said she’d sent a topless photo”, I knew that was not even close to accurate. If she admitted to it, then there was more, a lot more. You deserve better. Her saying those things about you and you being kicked out etc, such lame shit to do. Sadly, it is pretty common for some wives to fo and the worst part is it’s usually for no real reason besides they want attention. OOP: That’s the thing I don’t drink or do drugs or smoke, I do most of the housework because I’m home before her, I always tell her she’s beautiful, we never argue. I don’t know why she did it. Commenter 6: What actually bothers me on top of everything else is that she sexually harassed an man trying to do his job and didn't stop when he told her to. Cheating aside, that kind of behaviour makes my stomach drop :( OOP: Yeah I genuinely feel for him he was put in an awkward spot. Commenter 7: Wait- your wife started arguing with you about leaving her personal trainer but he had already fired her as a client? She was arguing to get to stay just to keep harassing him. She is a troubled person. Please protect yourself OOP: As soon as she said she’ll stop going to him but still use the gym it flicked an alarm in my head that something wasn’t right. Commenter 8: You know, when you first posted about this I tried hard to give your wife some sort of benefit of doubt. I thought since she voluntarily told you she had a crush, maybe that was a sign of maturity on her part, recognizing she was headed for trouble and wanting to be open and honest with you about it. Reading this update made me sick to my stomach on your behalf. The bargaining she tried to get out of marriage counseling tells you everything you need to know - she is fully checked out or your marriage and has no interest in putting the pieces back together. The lies you found out about from him are diabolical. I can’t get the image of you cooking for HER family on Christmas Day while she’s upstairs texting nudes and claiming to be alone. That’s so beyond the pale - so selfish and manipulative. It actually sounds like the behavior of someone with BPD. I wouldn’t bother with counseling at this point. She’s shown you who she is, you need to move on. I’m so sorry. OOP: I’ve decided I’m not doing couples therapy and just going to start divorce proceedings. A couple of her friends have spoken to me last night and it’s obvious she doesn’t want me. Commenter 9: What did her friends have to say? What do they think of everything she has done? I am so very sorry that you are going through this. You seem like a really nice, caring, genuine person (from what little you can tell about a person from a few words on a screen lol). Nobody deserves this. And she can give whatever excuses she wants, but excuses are all they are. Marriage is about choices. Choosing your partner, every single day. Choosing to protect and cherish the life you built together. And in the hard parts, that is when making the right choice is all the more important. She didn’t value what she had with you the way she should have, so she made the wrong choices. You deserve to go find someone that wakes up choosing to value you everyday. OOP: They said this isn’t the first time she’s obsessed over another man. A few years ago she seemed really down for a few months. I tried everything to get her out of the fog but couldn’t. In the end she took three months off work and just spent that time at home doing nothing but making a mess and criticising me while I did all the housework, paid all the bills, everything. Eventually she came out the other side and I was so happy to have my wife back. It turned out the reason for her mood was she was obsessing over her friends husband and got caught sexting him. The whole friend group knew but no one told me. I can even remember a few months later when we all met up at Christmas and asking where Roxy and Ben are and everyone went a bit quiet and I haven’t seen them since. Top Comment: That's very understandable. She sexually harassed a professional who only tried to do his job. She lied about you drinking, about you being verbally aggressive, she even divorced you in her mind and get messages just to appear more available. She cheated. Mentally she already divorced you! Reverse the genders: a married man lying about his wife being horrible, about her being a drunk while she actually doesn't even drink, sending dikpics to his younger female trainer while she is cooking for his family, claiming to be divorced and lonely, claiming his wife argues constantly with him, continuing to send inappropriate messages after being told to stop. - imagine the wife in that story is a friend or your sister, what would you tell them? You don't deserve to be treated like that. You deserve love, respect; you deserve to be wanted. Right now you need to make that appointment with a very good divorce attorney. Even if you eventually decide not to divorce her, you need to know your options now. Though I hope you see divorce is really the only option. And please go into individual therapy (NOT couples counselling). You're the victim of abuse, you're going through heartbreak, and you've been betrayed. That's not something you should handle alone. Do you exercise? You might want to consider hitting the gym. Not to harass a personal trainer, but training releases endorphins (happy hormone) and you can use all the endorphin you can produce. It helps bounce back from shit like this, eventually. Also after her disinterest it may take some time before you feel desirable again. Working out can help that. Things will get better. 5 years from now you'll look back and be happy to be rid of her. You might still mourn the loss of the wife you thought you had, but that was a lie. The truth is she doesn't deserve you.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Choice_Evidence1983 · Jan 31, 2026
r/relationship_advice
UPDATE My (38m) wife (38f) admitted to me that she has quite an intense crush on her personal trainer. What’s the next step?
Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/MzifYDGS2h So I spoke to my wife the night after my original post. I said she needs to leave her personal trainer, Quit that gym, and we need to start going to couples counselling. She wasn’t happy and started arguing saying it’s only a crush and it’ll pass and she’s making good progress and then started to frame it as me not caring about her health. Once she realised I wasn’t budging she started trying to bargain with me and saying what if she stopped seeing the personal trainer could she still go to the gym and if she started having sex with me again we don’t need couples counselling. I lost my temper at this point I admit and shouted “enough! I want to know everything! Tell me everything you’ve done! I want to read your messages with him! I want to see these outfits you are wearing! I need to know everything now!” She said fine and stormed off upstairs. She came back down wearing an outfit that was a bit much to be fair for the gym in a cold country but I didn’t say anything and asked to see her phone. She said she deleted the messages. When I asked why she was honest and said she sent him a topless selfie on Christmas Day while I was downstairs cooking the dinner for her bloody family! She then said that while she’s confessing she also kissed another man on a night out in the first year of our relationship. I already knew this because her friend who fancied me at the time told me about it. I asked her why him and not me. What’s he got that I haven’t. She said nothing and it was more about the situation than him. She said she’s starting to feel regret and like she missed out on her youth. She had a boyfriend from school to her early 20s, was single for a year and then met me. She said she’s started to regret not having more fun and she’s starting to enjoy attention from other men more and more especially younger men. When she was telling me originally she said a couple of times “I’m not planning on doing anything it’s just a fantasy, unless you want me to do something” with a nervous laughter and at the time it felt a bit like she wanted to do something but was trying to frame it as my idea but I never really clicked properly. I asked her if when she told me she was expecting me to give her permission and she said she genuinely thought because I don’t get jealous I’d be ok with it I still feel like I wasn’t being given everything though. The outfit and the kiss confession felt like distractions and something was missing. Even telling me about all this in the first place felt a bit like ah was trying to get her story in before someone else told me. I said I’m going for a drive and then went to the gym to speak to her personal trainer. I approached him and said I’m not here for trouble I understand my wife has been harassing you. He wasn’t happy being approached this way which I get but he asked me who my wife was and when I told him he said he knew something like this was going to happen. He told me that he hadn’t trained her since Christmas as he let her go after she had been sending pictures (plural not just the one she told me about). He said since then she had kept messaging but he ignored her. He let me read the messages and she had sent 12 pictures over a three month period. One was fully naked and when he told her not to send them she said she was just showing her progress. The worst part though was she was messaging him stuff like “we’ve had another argument could really do with a session to burn off some anger” and “he’s out drinking with his friends again ignoring me, I’m so lonely” neither of which are true and then she told him mid December that she had kicked me out and we were divorcing! With the Christmas Day picture she even said “first Christmas alone” and just last week she messaged him saying I was already seeing someone else! I thanked him and asked him to send me them and went home. When I got home she was already gone and just wrote me a note saying sorry. She’s at her friend’s house and we’ve been texting a bit the last couple of days and have a marriage counsellor booked for next week but I think it’s done. I’m not even that bothered about the pictures or the flirting or the outfit. The lying about me and our marital status. I don’t drink and we hadn’t argued in years. I’m downstairs entertaining her family while she’s sending nudes (she’s never sent me one) and telling him she’s alone. I’m working all this weekend to try and keep my mind busy. Sorry if I don’t reply quick enough and thank you to everyone who took the time to read and reply to my last post. TLDR: it was a lot worse than she originally let on. Edit: thank you for all the replies I really do appreciate it. There’s been so many I can’t keep up! Thank you to the people who have DMd me as well I really appreciate it. I’ve decided to not bother with marriage counselling and just start divorce proceedings this week. Life really can turn upside in a week. I never thought I’d be single again but here we are. submitted by /u/throwra_wifept to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]
throwra_wifept · Jan 24, 2026
All threads (42)
Thread Source Author Date
RE:New Packing Guides
... you’re planning on using the gym or joining any on-board fitness... decadent events, made for those outfits you reserve for truly special ... women. Men’s formal suits: For men, suggested attire for Gala Evenings ... to make use of the gym or join an exercise class, ... for working out in the gym or taking part in a ...
boards.cruisecritic.com DukeBeetle24 Jun 2, 2026
Under Armour Men's Ua Hg Armour Comp Ss Short-Sleeved Sports T-Shirt for Men - Size M
... Short-Sleeved Sports t-Shirt for Men, Comfortable and Lightweight Gym Clothes for Workouts (Pack... white, it complements various athletic outfits. Weighing just 3.5 ounces...
www.hotukdeals.com Thomas2012 May 27, 2026
RE:RWBY Stories, Oneshots, and Ideas
...?" She gestured to her Achieve Men poster. "Everyone likes music, ...Vampire would wear. Not the outfits Ruby, Weiss, and Blake wore ...Like, actually okay? You've changed outfits twice now and you're talking ...Yang. Like, really weird. The outfits, the way you're talking, the-" ... "We were both at the gym. I was lifting weights and ... "Now seriously, what's with the outfits and personality changes?" "I just... ...
forums.spacebattles.com eratas123 May 19, 2026
RE:My Eminent Academia
...just wearing their hero outfits if not a gym uniform, or just something... them, do you?" The men began to snicker. "Oh… I ... him out. The other men reacted in shock. "It's just ... George and the Dragon?" The men started to close in on ...garage. "Oh hell nah!" the men began to scream and run ...tried to bite them. Some men were lucky enough to get ...good though. Firstly, once the men got into the highway they ...
forums.spacebattles.com UnholyExcaliber456 May 17, 2026
RE:Warframe: Earth-Bet Protocol
... narrow aisle between racks — two men in a cosplay store at... from three. On zero, both men went for the draw. Isaac's... behind him, and grabbed two outfits. An Alexandria costume — the classic.... Have you been hitting the gym?" She appreciated that he was... from actual training rather than gym aesthetics. He kicked off, and...
forums.spacebattles.com InhumanMan May 15, 2026
RE:Warframe: Earth-Bet Protocol
... narrow aisle between racks — two men in a cosplay store at... from three. On zero, both men went for the draw. Isaac's... behind him, and grabbed two outfits. An Alexandria costume — the classic.... Have you been hitting the gym?" She appreciated that he was... from actual training rather than gym aesthetics. He kicked off, and...
forums.spacebattles.com InhumanMan May 15, 2026
RE:K-Pop Demon Hunters: Fan Sequel
... design and pick out their outfits. While in the penthouse, he's... on her. In a local gym, Mira and Baby aren't talking..., all the Team Mira fans (men and women) in attendance do... even bring the strongest of men to tears! ON SCREENS: Rumi...
forums.spacebattles.com NateKnowsMovies Apr 26, 2026
RE:Oops, We're the evil team now!
...retirement, one of the minor gym leaders was chosen to replace... Hoenn were actually a minor gym themselves. Lumiose traditionally has 5...Syndicate in Bleu. Said Minor gym leader that had stepped up... of the Vert districts minor gym, meaning the league was looking..., a privilege usually reserved for Gym leaders, elite 4, and champions... the dust entered a few men and women in outfits that were familiar, but...
forums.spacebattles.com loremasterquinn13 Apr 15, 2026
RE:Hard Enough - Pokemon SI
...wasn't seeing any Team Magma outfits crop up which was .... "I am currently the Gym Leader of Sootopolis, but I...the future of the Cerulean Gym," I stated confidently. "I ... a group of blond men and women looking rather smug... seeing. Lots of young men and women. All of them...over here you see. You're Gym Leaders in Indigo certainly but... provide defense! The Current Gym Leader, Janine, is unavailable for...
forums.spacebattles.com Viva01 Apr 11, 2026
RE:Decline of Neatness
... is atrocious. Gym shorts and a t-shirt, both men and women. I... in are state of acceptable outfits. Personal hygene at times lacks...
www.styleforum.net Thrifting Since 10 Apr 11, 2026
If I already own the game on PS5 but barely played it yet, is it worth on PC, if u got good Specs?
... of alternate characters and original outfits you can download. I turned... as big as the biggest men. But even Cloud is not... actually look excessive even on men. As a gym goer myself, it really is...
steamcommunity.com JanSu87st Apr 10, 2026
RE:The Night Shift Archmage
The four men were roughly two metres tall, ... well they had years of gym work, training, good supplementation, and... could see muscles contouring their outfits. When Soren looked at them... all four in full. Their outfits were practically identical, all the... a good night, gentlemen." The men held their breath and pretended ...
forums.spacebattles.com Francisco Alexandre Apr 9, 2026
RE:The Night Shift Archmage
The four men were roughly two metres tall, ... well they had years of gym work, training, good supplementation, and... could see muscles contouring their outfits. When Soren looked at them... all four in full. Their outfits were practically identical, all the... a good night, gentlemen." The men held their breath and pretended ...
forums.spacebattles.com Francisco Alexandre Apr 9, 2026
RE:God's Blessing On This Wonderful World God Only Knows! (Konosuba/Kaminomi)
... by a bunch of naked men. "Wait, on second thought... of schedule. "Well, the gym uniforms should be pretty simple," ...for all the perverted men in our class to ogle...of bloomers in the girl's gym uniform square. "Now, on...designing mine and Elsie's adventuring outfits." "What are you talking ... about this. To deny men the gift of absolute territory...the desk in matching outfits, linking arms with Excel before...
forums.spacebattles.com BZRich64 Apr 1, 2026
RE:Early 20s, never had a boyfriend, starting to feel desperate… what am I doing wrong?
... and only accept dates from men who meet that standard. Ask... men what they want as well. ... it. Acting "fun" at the gym? No. Don't do it. Post... about hair styles, makeup and outfits. Learn something new. Learn French ... have genuine interest and meet men there. You might try a ..., pickleball, tennis). There will be men present. Remember your list at ...
www.lipstickalley.com gaptoof Mar 29, 2026
RE:The Control Freak (/M tickling, armpits and feet worship, humiliation)
... crimson. She wore all black outfits and combat boots everywhere she .... My least favorite time was gym class. They’d mostly leave me ... chided, stripping off his sweaty gym socks. “You’re gonna get trampled ... I could protest further, his gym shoe came clamping down around ... people, a room full of men that didn’t even know how ... just coming back from the gym, she was studying for some ...
www.ticklingforum.com Switches Mar 17, 2026
RE:Aftermath of a Lifetime [Pokemon OC fanfic]
... leading actor or as a Gym trainer, or many other aspects... black motif running in their outfits, where a skull could be... any man's will. Principally greedy men like Francis, who are objectively...
forums.spacebattles.com RamielWriter Mar 16, 2026
adidas 3-Stripes Cushioned Sportswear Low-Cut Socks 3 Pairs 8.5-10
... for everyday wear, training, or gym use. Key Features 3-pair pack... for everyday wear, training, or gym use. Their low-cut design makes... and black complements various sportswear outfits, making them a staple in... adults and suitable for both men and women. With a low-cut...
www.hotukdeals.com apmirkin Mar 14, 2026
RE:Illa Spectat
... recreation places for the crew: gym, game rooms, library, swimming...within the bags. The three men arrived soon-after, taking seats ...definitely, I have some SovCostum outfits here - will need to... went by fast. The men caught on quickly to their ...boy ran away to some men standing not far away. Squinting... space, he organized his men while I began to cover ... the source. Two dead men, one with a cut throat ...
forums.spacebattles.com OriginalTaste Mar 9, 2026
Can we talk about how female characters are designed in Marvel Rivals?
... are obviously STYLIZED and their outfits are straight from the actual.... In fact, many of the outfits are CENSORED compared to their ... like they live in the gym with a strict diet of ... something like "Why are the men always depicted with normal proportions ...
steamcommunity.com Hex Mar 9, 2026
crowdsourcing gym fits/outfits here in ph
any leads where to buy gym fits for men. i know di naman need ng flashy but im aiming to invest in quality or aesthetic look. i already own some fits from nike/adi/puma/ua/decathlon, sa locals JFit/SBS.Supply. Baka lang may idea kayo where to buy these: breath divinity, gymshark,youngla. drop lang ig shops/laz/shop33 stores you know. thank you! submitted by /u/Brrrrrrtbrrrrt to r/AnytimeFitnessPH [link] [comments]
reddit.com Brrrrrrtbrrrrt Apr 9, 2026
Gym Clothes (Men)
Hey guys I just wanted to know what do you normally wear to the gym? Especially since we’ll be hitting April soon and it’ll get a bit warmer again. Also, any brands to keep in mind? Feel free to share pics of outfits too if you want. Going to the physical stores I can try on of course, but if there’s something you ordered online I could see before ordering if that makes sense. Thanks guys in advance 💪🔥💯 submitted by /u/jam0409 to r/malefashionadvice [link] [comments]
reddit.com jam0409 Mar 23, 2026
Gym Clothes (Men)
Hey guys I just wanted to know what do you normally wear to the gym? Especially since we’ll be hitting April soon and it’ll get a bit warmer again. Also, any brands to keep in mind? Feel free to share pics of outfits too if you want. Going to the physical stores I can try on of course, but if there’s something you ordered online I could see before ordering if that makes sense. Thanks guys in advance 💪🔥💯 submitted by /u/jam0409 to r/workout [link] [comments]
reddit.com jam0409 Mar 23, 2026
Which one am I?
submitted by /u/ArtisticStill5425 to r/femcelgrippysockjail [link] [comments]
reddit.com ArtisticStill5425 Feb 4, 2026
My (38m) wife (38f) admitted to me that she has quite an intense crush on her personal trainer. What’s the next step?
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwra_wifept Originally posted to r/relationship_advice My (38m) wife (38f) admitted to me that she has quite an intense crush on her personal trainer. What’s the next step? Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: infidelity, sexual harassment, obsessive behavior Original Post: January 20, 2026 We’ve been together 15 years, married for 10. In that time she’s always done something fitness wise be it running or the gym or cycling. About a year ago she decided she wanted to be stronger. She started doing weights at the gym and she was getting there but around four months ago she said she needed some guidance and started doing sessions with one of the gyms personal trainers. She was really enjoying it and about a month ago upped it from two sessions a week to three. There was been a notable change in her strength and I was happy for her as she seemed really proud of herself. Then this weekend she dropped a bombshell on me I had noticed our sex life had pretty much come to a stop a couple of months ago an I spoke to her about it and she said she was sorry it was just the stress of starting a new job mixed with the cold weather and she just wasn’t in the mood. I thought that was fair enough and I’d leave it and let her lead the pace when she was ready to again. Well this weekend she told me that she has developed a very intense crush on her PT and that while she knows crushes happen in relationships this feels like it’s more. She said she finds herself constantly seeking his attention either at the gym or on social media. She has started tagging him in all her posts but I just assumed it was more of a giving credit thing. Then she admitted she has started wearing less and less at the gym to get his attention which is something I hadn’t noticed as she always takes a gym bag with her and gets changed there. She admitted that the last few times we had sex she fantasised that it was him and that’s why she stopped having sex as she felt too guilty. Probably the worst thing she told me was that a few days ago she saw him having a personal session with someone else, a younger woman more his age, and she saw them laughing together and she got that jealous and upset she had to leave the gym and go cry in her car. She said he has done nothing to encourage this and has been nothing but professional throughout all this and he is not at fault. I don’t know what to do I’m crushed. Do I just sit back and wait for the crush to stop? Do I demand she changes gym and blocks this guy? We’ve all had crushes in relationships and eventually they go but I feel like this one won’t she’s being alone with him three times a week and follows him on all her social media accounts. I feel like distance is how you get over this but I don’t want to come across as controlling. What do you think? She doesn’t want to change anything and thinks it will just go away on its own. TLDR: my wife has a crush on her pt and we are struggling to deal with it. Edit: thank you for all the replies. There’s too many to keep up with! I spoke to her last night and got a bit more information and then went and spoke to him and got some more. He has done nothing wrong. I’ll post an update after work tonight.   Editor's note: OOP has made lots of comments, I am listing the top common questions asked and responses Relevant Comments OOP responds to multiple comments about asking his wife to stop seeing the personal trainer if she wants to have some distance from him and recommit herself to OOP OOP: I think this is the direction I’m heading in but she really has progressed under him and I know she isn’t going to want to change. + I think this is the option I’m leaning towards the most. I think only distance can cure this. OOP and his wife should consider about the couples therapy / counseling. OOP: I suggested this but she said no. + She said couples therapy is the death knell of a relationship and is always the last step before divorce. I could say the same about developing feelings for someone else though. Commenter 1: Crying in her car because he talked to another client? That sounds like a lot more than just a crush. OOP: Agreed. It sounds like she’s developed feelings for him. OOP responds to multiple comments about the possibility of his wife sexually harassing the personal trainer at his workplace due to her crying in the car OOP: I never thought of it that way but the fact she won’t even show me her gym outfits tells me she is harassing him. + I’ve took the day off work today and been going through her wardrobe. It basically looks like she’s been wearing padded bikinis. Commenter 2: She needs to quit that gym and get a female personal trainer. Counselling is not optional. She is lucky you are willing to try. I would be done. Her actions and confession are beyond hurtful. OOP: I’m going to tell her later that quitting the gym and blocking him on socials is the minimum I expect. Commenter 3: If I'm being honest, I only ever find this problem of people when they intentionally fly too close to the sun. Her problem wasn't necessarily the crush, it was that she actively, and willingly, fed into it. Most sane people that care for their marriages and relationships will immediately see the problem and try to move as far from it as possible — that's the impasse. You either dump the cold water on it or you add accelerant. She didn't. She made every attempt, pulled every stop, to make it more than a crush and failed the wife test — that's a scary thought. There's so many people out there that turn down a flirt and romantic gesture out of respect for their partners... yeah, she needs therapy. And you need to reevaluate your marriage because she's hanging on by a thread. OOP: That’s a tough but necessary read. Commenter 4: Bro you’re way too calm. WTF?!???! 😳. OOP: Trust me inside I’m torn up. He’s everything that my insecurities aren’t. He’s fit, I’ve got a bad heart, he’s handsome, I’m not, he’s 25 I’m 38, he’s got a full head of hair, I haven’t. I’m screaming internally but I’m trying to handle it rationally. Commenter 5: You are being a little too supportive of this… so how many crushes have you had and rubbed in her face over the years for HER and YOU to think this is acceptable? I also believe your wife won’t cheat, I bet she will wait till she has the green light for him (or anyone) and drop you like yesterday’s news… Anyways I’m a very petty person and I believe what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. So I would go join said gym and make things as uncomfortable as possible 😂. OOP: I’ve probably had two crushes our whole relationship and not actual crushes as in my eyes they couldn’t compete with my wife just more people i looked forward to seeing. One was when I was 25 and she was 60 but there was something about her lol. I’d never told my wife though and I only worked with her for two weeks and rejected her Facebook friend request for obvious reasons. Downvoted Commenter: She's clearly missing something from you, have you tried going to the gym with her? Getting in better shape yourself? I'm surprised you just watched this all happen OOP: I go every other morning before work. I have a physically demanding job so can’t go after work.   Update: January 24, 2026 (four days later) So I spoke to my wife the night after my original post. I said she needs to leave her personal trainer, Quit that gym, and we need to start going to couples counselling. She wasn’t happy and started arguing saying it’s only a crush and it’ll pass and she’s making good progress and then started to frame it as me not caring about her health. Once she realised I wasn’t budging she started trying to bargain with me and saying what if she stopped seeing the personal trainer could she still go to the gym and if she started having sex with me again we don’t need couples counselling. I lost my temper at this point I admit and shouted “enough! I want to know everything! Tell me everything you’ve done! I want to read your messages with him! I want to see these outfits you are wearing! I need to know everything now!” She said fine and stormed off upstairs. She came back down wearing an outfit that was a bit much to be fair for the gym in a cold country but I didn’t say anything and asked to see her phone. She said she deleted the messages. When I asked why she was honest and said she sent him a topless selfie on Christmas Day while I was downstairs cooking the dinner for her bloody family! She then said that while she’s confessing she also kissed another man on a night out in the first year of our relationship. I already knew this because her friend who fancied me at the time told me about it. I asked her why him and not me. What’s he got that I haven’t. She said nothing and it was more about the situation than him. She said she’s starting to feel regret and like she missed out on her youth. She had a boyfriend from school to her early 20s, was single for a year and then met me. She said she’s started to regret not having more fun and she’s starting to enjoy attention from other men more and more especially younger men. When she was telling me originally she said a couple of times “I’m not planning on doing anything it’s just a fantasy, unless you want me to do something” with a nervous laughter and at the time it felt a bit like she wanted to do something but was trying to frame it as my idea but I never really clicked properly. I asked her if when she told me she was expecting me to give her permission and she said she genuinely thought because I don’t get jealous I’d be ok with it I still feel like I wasn’t being given everything though. The outfit and the kiss confession felt like distractions and something was missing. Even telling me about all this in the first place felt a bit like ah was trying to get her story in before someone else told me. I said I’m going for a drive and then went to the gym to speak to her personal trainer. I approached him and said I’m not here for trouble I understand my wife has been harassing you. He wasn’t happy being approached this way which I get but he asked me who my wife was and when I told him he said he knew something like this was going to happen. He told me that he hadn’t trained her since Christmas as he let her go after she had been sending pictures (plural not just the one she told me about). He said since then she had kept messaging but he ignored her. He let me read the messages and she had sent 12 pictures over a three month period. One was fully naked and when he told her not to send them she said she was just showing her progress. The worst part though was she was messaging him stuff like “we’ve had another argument could really do with a session to burn off some anger” and “he’s out drinking with his friends again ignoring me, I’m so lonely” neither of which are true and then she told him mid December that she had kicked me out and we were divorcing! With the Christmas Day picture she even said “first Christmas alone” and just last week she messaged him saying I was already seeing someone else! I thanked him and asked him to send me them and went home. When I got home she was already gone and just wrote me a note saying sorry. She’s at her friend’s house and we’ve been texting a bit the last couple of days and have a marriage counsellor booked for next week but I think it’s done. I’m not even that bothered about the pictures or the flirting or the outfit. The lying about me and our marital status. I don’t drink and we hadn’t argued in years. I’m downstairs entertaining her family while she’s sending nudes (she’s never sent me one) and telling him she’s alone. I’m working all this weekend to try and keep my mind busy. Sorry if I don’t reply quick enough and thank you to everyone who took the time to read and reply to my last post. TLDR: it was a lot worse than she originally let on. Edit: thank you for all the replies I really do appreciate it. There’s been so many I can’t keep up! Thank you to the people who have DMd me as well I really appreciate it. I’ve decided to not bother with marriage counselling and just start divorce proceedings this week. Life really can turn upside in a week. I never thought I’d be single again but here we are.   Editor's note: again, OOP has made lots of comments, I am listing the top common questions asked and responses Relevant Comments OOP responds to a downvoted comment about reporting the personal trainer to his employer OOP: He didn’t do anything wrong. I read the messages he never responded except to tell her to stop messaging him. Commenter 1: Give her the divorce she fantasized about giving you. Better luck next time. No brainer if you don't have kids. OOP: We have no kids or pets. Commenter 2: This was well beyond a crush. This was her actively trying to cheat. If he had been willing she absolutely would have slept with him. OOP: I 100% agree. Commenter 3: All things considered, personal trainer is quite a decent guy. They could have been humping like rabbits if he was receptive of your wife’s action. OOP: Yeah he was a good guy to me. He sent over 20 screenshots. Commenter 4: You should fuck her personal trainer. That will really show her. OOP: That made me laugh lol Commenter 5: Yeah, when you wrote “she was honest and said she’d sent a topless photo”, I knew that was not even close to accurate. If she admitted to it, then there was more, a lot more. You deserve better. Her saying those things about you and you being kicked out etc, such lame shit to do. Sadly, it is pretty common for some wives to fo and the worst part is it’s usually for no real reason besides they want attention. OOP: That’s the thing I don’t drink or do drugs or smoke, I do most of the housework because I’m home before her, I always tell her she’s beautiful, we never argue. I don’t know why she did it. Commenter 6: What actually bothers me on top of everything else is that she sexually harassed an man trying to do his job and didn't stop when he told her to. Cheating aside, that kind of behaviour makes my stomach drop :( OOP: Yeah I genuinely feel for him he was put in an awkward spot. Commenter 7: Wait- your wife started arguing with you about leaving her personal trainer but he had already fired her as a client? She was arguing to get to stay just to keep harassing him. She is a troubled person. Please protect yourself OOP: As soon as she said she’ll stop going to him but still use the gym it flicked an alarm in my head that something wasn’t right. Commenter 8: You know, when you first posted about this I tried hard to give your wife some sort of benefit of doubt. I thought since she voluntarily told you she had a crush, maybe that was a sign of maturity on her part, recognizing she was headed for trouble and wanting to be open and honest with you about it. Reading this update made me sick to my stomach on your behalf. The bargaining she tried to get out of marriage counseling tells you everything you need to know - she is fully checked out or your marriage and has no interest in putting the pieces back together. The lies you found out about from him are diabolical. I can’t get the image of you cooking for HER family on Christmas Day while she’s upstairs texting nudes and claiming to be alone. That’s so beyond the pale - so selfish and manipulative. It actually sounds like the behavior of someone with BPD. I wouldn’t bother with counseling at this point. She’s shown you who she is, you need to move on. I’m so sorry. OOP: I’ve decided I’m not doing couples therapy and just going to start divorce proceedings. A couple of her friends have spoken to me last night and it’s obvious she doesn’t want me. Commenter 9: What did her friends have to say? What do they think of everything she has done? I am so very sorry that you are going through this. You seem like a really nice, caring, genuine person (from what little you can tell about a person from a few words on a screen lol). Nobody deserves this. And she can give whatever excuses she wants, but excuses are all they are. Marriage is about choices. Choosing your partner, every single day. Choosing to protect and cherish the life you built together. And in the hard parts, that is when making the right choice is all the more important. She didn’t value what she had with you the way she should have, so she made the wrong choices. You deserve to go find someone that wakes up choosing to value you everyday. OOP: They said this isn’t the first time she’s obsessed over another man. A few years ago she seemed really down for a few months. I tried everything to get her out of the fog but couldn’t. In the end she took three months off work and just spent that time at home doing nothing but making a mess and criticising me while I did all the housework, paid all the bills, everything. Eventually she came out the other side and I was so happy to have my wife back. It turned out the reason for her mood was she was obsessing over her friends husband and got caught sexting him. The whole friend group knew but no one told me. I can even remember a few months later when we all met up at Christmas and asking where Roxy and Ben are and everyone went a bit quiet and I haven’t seen them since. Top Comment: That's very understandable. She sexually harassed a professional who only tried to do his job. She lied about you drinking, about you being verbally aggressive, she even divorced you in her mind and get messages just to appear more available. She cheated. Mentally she already divorced you! Reverse the genders: a married man lying about his wife being horrible, about her being a drunk while she actually doesn't even drink, sending dikpics to his younger female trainer while she is cooking for his family, claiming to be divorced and lonely, claiming his wife argues constantly with him, continuing to send inappropriate messages after being told to stop. - imagine the wife in that story is a friend or your sister, what would you tell them? You don't deserve to be treated like that. You deserve love, respect; you deserve to be wanted. Right now you need to make that appointment with a very good divorce attorney. Even if you eventually decide not to divorce her, you need to know your options now. Though I hope you see divorce is really the only option. And please go into individual therapy (NOT couples counselling). You're the victim of abuse, you're going through heartbreak, and you've been betrayed. That's not something you should handle alone. Do you exercise? You might want to consider hitting the gym. Not to harass a personal trainer, but training releases endorphins (happy hormone) and you can use all the endorphin you can produce. It helps bounce back from shit like this, eventually. Also after her disinterest it may take some time before you feel desirable again. Working out can help that. Things will get better. 5 years from now you'll look back and be happy to be rid of her. You might still mourn the loss of the wife you thought you had, but that was a lie. The truth is she doesn't deserve you.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
reddit.com Choice_Evidence1983 Jan 31, 2026
UPDATE My (38m) wife (38f) admitted to me that she has quite an intense crush on her personal trainer. What’s the next step?
Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/MzifYDGS2h So I spoke to my wife the night after my original post. I said she needs to leave her personal trainer, Quit that gym, and we need to start going to couples counselling. She wasn’t happy and started arguing saying it’s only a crush and it’ll pass and she’s making good progress and then started to frame it as me not caring about her health. Once she realised I wasn’t budging she started trying to bargain with me and saying what if she stopped seeing the personal trainer could she still go to the gym and if she started having sex with me again we don’t need couples counselling. I lost my temper at this point I admit and shouted “enough! I want to know everything! Tell me everything you’ve done! I want to read your messages with him! I want to see these outfits you are wearing! I need to know everything now!” She said fine and stormed off upstairs. She came back down wearing an outfit that was a bit much to be fair for the gym in a cold country but I didn’t say anything and asked to see her phone. She said she deleted the messages. When I asked why she was honest and said she sent him a topless selfie on Christmas Day while I was downstairs cooking the dinner for her bloody family! She then said that while she’s confessing she also kissed another man on a night out in the first year of our relationship. I already knew this because her friend who fancied me at the time told me about it. I asked her why him and not me. What’s he got that I haven’t. She said nothing and it was more about the situation than him. She said she’s starting to feel regret and like she missed out on her youth. She had a boyfriend from school to her early 20s, was single for a year and then met me. She said she’s started to regret not having more fun and she’s starting to enjoy attention from other men more and more especially younger men. When she was telling me originally she said a couple of times “I’m not planning on doing anything it’s just a fantasy, unless you want me to do something” with a nervous laughter and at the time it felt a bit like she wanted to do something but was trying to frame it as my idea but I never really clicked properly. I asked her if when she told me she was expecting me to give her permission and she said she genuinely thought because I don’t get jealous I’d be ok with it I still feel like I wasn’t being given everything though. The outfit and the kiss confession felt like distractions and something was missing. Even telling me about all this in the first place felt a bit like ah was trying to get her story in before someone else told me. I said I’m going for a drive and then went to the gym to speak to her personal trainer. I approached him and said I’m not here for trouble I understand my wife has been harassing you. He wasn’t happy being approached this way which I get but he asked me who my wife was and when I told him he said he knew something like this was going to happen. He told me that he hadn’t trained her since Christmas as he let her go after she had been sending pictures (plural not just the one she told me about). He said since then she had kept messaging but he ignored her. He let me read the messages and she had sent 12 pictures over a three month period. One was fully naked and when he told her not to send them she said she was just showing her progress. The worst part though was she was messaging him stuff like “we’ve had another argument could really do with a session to burn off some anger” and “he’s out drinking with his friends again ignoring me, I’m so lonely” neither of which are true and then she told him mid December that she had kicked me out and we were divorcing! With the Christmas Day picture she even said “first Christmas alone” and just last week she messaged him saying I was already seeing someone else! I thanked him and asked him to send me them and went home. When I got home she was already gone and just wrote me a note saying sorry. She’s at her friend’s house and we’ve been texting a bit the last couple of days and have a marriage counsellor booked for next week but I think it’s done. I’m not even that bothered about the pictures or the flirting or the outfit. The lying about me and our marital status. I don’t drink and we hadn’t argued in years. I’m downstairs entertaining her family while she’s sending nudes (she’s never sent me one) and telling him she’s alone. I’m working all this weekend to try and keep my mind busy. Sorry if I don’t reply quick enough and thank you to everyone who took the time to read and reply to my last post. TLDR: it was a lot worse than she originally let on. Edit: thank you for all the replies I really do appreciate it. There’s been so many I can’t keep up! Thank you to the people who have DMd me as well I really appreciate it. I’ve decided to not bother with marriage counselling and just start divorce proceedings this week. Life really can turn upside in a week. I never thought I’d be single again but here we are. submitted by /u/throwra_wifept to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]
reddit.com throwra_wifept Jan 24, 2026
What’s your go-to gym outfit brand? For mens!
Mine is mostly Decathlon stuff and HRX cotton relaxed-fit T-shirts. Comfortable and does the job. submitted by /u/Soft-Plantain1102 to r/Fitness_India [link] [comments]
reddit.com Soft-Plantain1102 Dec 28, 2025
AITAH for refusing to "cover up" in front of my roommates?
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AwayIngenuity8966 Originally posted to r/AITAH AITAH for refusing to "cover up" in front of my roommates? Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: manipulation, body shaming, bullying, misogyny Original Post: December 8, 2025 Throw away because my roommates have my other account. I (21F) live with two male roommates. I get it is kind of a weird dynamic for most people but it works for us! We had been living together before both of them got gfs, also I have had a bf for 4 years who is good friends with my roommates. I have never had issues with their gfs, even though they are at my place at least 5 days a week. But they mostly keep to their bfs rooms and they are truly nice people so it doesn't really bother me that much. The problem started about 5 months after we had been living together. I guess at some point both of their gfs got together to discuss what I have been wearing around the apartment. They confronted me without my roommates one afternoon, saying they would prefer I cover up when I leave my room because it makes everyone in the house really uncomfortable. I asked them to explain what I am wearing that makes them uncomfortable, to which they responded that they have yet to see me in an appropriate outfit... Now, valid concerns for the most part, but let me give some more context. I NEVER wear anything inappropriate out of my room, I get changed in the bathroom after showers and am ALWAYS fully covered when I leave my room. I wear baggy t-shirts and hoodies with sweat pants 90% of the time. The most scandalous thing I have worn is a tank top and shorts (not see through at all, and with a bra if that matters?). My shorts cover my ass completely and go to about mid thigh btw. All of this to say, my outfits would pass a high school dress code. Not to hype myself up, but I am blessed with a fat ass. Which I genuinely think is the biggest problem... The first time they brought it up, I made a point of only wearing sweatpants out of my room (not shorts). However, they brought it up AGAIN. They said "I thought we talked about your outfits, it makes us really uncomfortable. How would your bf feel about you dressing like this in front of other men.". This is where I was confused. I explain that I thought I was being respectful and more considerate of their wishes despite this being my apartment. They said I was not a true "girls girl" and that I was just waiting to "snatch their bfs". I replied with "It is not my fault you guys are insecure about your relationships, and I have done more than enough to make sure you guys are comfortable in my home. Your bfs have said nothing to me so I think you are being over dramatic. This is my apartment, you guys aren't on the lease, you are already here significantly more than what is allowed according to our lease. So I would tread lightly about making demands about how I can dress in MY apartment." They both said that I was full of myself and that their bfs would not sign a lease with me again. Funny though, after I talked to their bfs alone they had no idea what had happened and they still planned to resign the lease with me. I think it is crazy that they felt the need to gang up on me and try to dictate what I can wear in my own home. I would understand if I was dressing a little scandalous but I truly am not. How do I navigate this situation and am I the asshole?? EDIT: since way more people saw it than I thought would, and this is easier than answering comments. First, my roommates are angels and since I introduced them they have become really close to my bf (who does not live with us btw, Ik that seems weird but its just how things work out lol). So no, I am not looking for new roommates. As for my roommates apparently not resigning the lease with me (according to their gfs): my roommates had no idea why their gfs would say that and we are literally in the process of resigning the lease now. The gfs have not been over since the last conversation I have had with them. So about 5 days, which is very abnormal for them. According to one of my roommates, I scared his gf a little bit after they confronted me. So ig me standing up for myself and not caving into their delusions scared them a little bit? So I have yet to have another interaction with them, but apparently they are both coming over tonight... People wondering about what the gfs wear: significantly less clothing than I do, that's for sure! But they are basically supermodel thin, so societally it is more acceptable for them to dress less modestly. Not that I agree, but society is messed up. Ok so here is how the conversation with my roommates went yesterday: I asked them if they were resigning the lease and they said yes. They also did not know why their gfs talked to me instead of talking to them. I asked if they had problems with how I dress around the house to which they replied "You look homeless"... thanks? (that is our humour). I also mentioned how much their gfs were at our apartment. For context, our rent includes everything except for wifi, so them being here doesn't make it more expensive for me. I said that I don't mind them being here that much since they usually keep to themselves. But I draw the line at making me feel uncomfortable in my own home. I also told them that if their gfs confront me about a problem with our my roommates present, I will not hesitate to ask them to leave. My roommates were great about it and had no issues with anything I said. They are planning on talking to their gfs. Let me know if you want an update about how the gfs interact with next time I see them! Not sure when I will see them next though. AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was unanimously the NTA Relevant Comments Commenter 1: They are jealous because you are hot lol Honestly tho ask them what they even want you to wear?? I’m not sure how you can even be more “modest”! OOP: What's crazy though is they are for sure more attractive than me, I just have an ass going for me lmao. Commenter 2: It sounds like you've been thoughtful. FWIW, though, depending on your activities and cultural norms, sports bras and booty shorts aren't necessarily disrespectful. In my area (a hot climate), many people wear sports bras and booty shorts all over campus when exercising or walking. If one is a dancer, that's pretty much the uniform. While my kids tend to be slightly more conservative than their peers, an occasional crop top and shorts (usually not booty unless exercising) is not out of the question. OOP: As a former dancer, I am dressing quite conservative to how I used to! They have yet to see me on my way to or from the gym, which I think would send them into a spiral. How dare I wear shorts and tank tops to gym?! Their bfs may be there! LOL Commenter 3: I wear baggy t-shirts and hoodies with sweatpants 90% of the time. The most scandalous thing I have worn is a tank top and shorts NTA Even if you were wearing booty shorts and sports bras all day, every day, you'd still be NTA as it's your home, too. They can get over themselves. OOP: I personally think I have been more than respectful. And you're right, I should be able to wear whatever I want in my own home regardless of what it is! OOP on if her roommates have told their GFs about her appearance OOP: I really doubt their bfs/my roommates would say anything about my appearance to them. We have a sibling dynamic and they are very good friends with my bf now Downvoted Commenter: I don't think you're the asshole. I think that if a girl knows her bf is living with another girl she should accept all the possibilities and understand that she isn't there to moderate what you're saying, doing, and wearing. But as the female roommate you also need to understand that even though you're doing nothing wrong, the girls have valid reason to worry- not because of you but because of the nature of the living situation. All parties need to be more understanding. No one is an asshole. The gfs just need to understand that if they're gonna continue to date these men, they have to accept that they cant control what goes on in the apartment. OOP: Yea I get that. But they knew the situation prior to dating and I'm not going to change what I do simply because they want to control what I do in my home. The gfs are definitely assholes here as I have done nothing for to not have their trust.   Update: December 10, 2025 (two days later) UPDATE: AITAH for refusing to "cover up" in front of my roommates? GF RESPONSES So, the gfs came back yesterday and we had a house meeting. Some clarifying information: I got comments about the timeline and the post being fake... The last incident where the gfs confronted me was a week ago at this point. The conversation I had with my roommates was 3 days ago. I made the post because I knew the gfs would be coming back soon so I wanted some advice. Also, it is very "normal" for the gfs to be at the apartment when my roommates are not, which is why my roommates did not know they talked to me until I told them. And, I in no way was trying to say the gfs were not attractive or "too thin", I was simply trying to point out that me being more curvy (I'm a size 8 and pretty short, rather than 0 and taller like them) could make outfits seems more inappropriate even though they aren't. I WILL NOT BE POSTING OR SENDING PHOTOS OF MYSELF. stop asking, y'all are weird and I suggest you go to a special website (🌽) to deal with that. Ok on to the main part! One of the gfs came over first for simplicity let's call her Mya. She approached me while I was in the kitchen cooking and said she wanted to talk about the whole situation. I politely said that this a conversation that needs to happen when her bf is here so we can wait til he is home. She was a little confused but just ended up going to his room. I then messaged my roommate group chat and asked for the 5 of us to have a chat later once everyone is here. Which my roommates said sounds good. I heard them all come home, and at some point the other gf (we will call her Sara) came over but I'm not sure when. So I went to the living room wearing my XL Grinch onsie, don't worry it covered my ankles so there was no way I could be dressing provocatively. My roommates thought this was hilarious, the gfs not so much. We all sat down for a conversation. It was very awkward lol. I started off by saying that it is not fair for anyone to dictate what goes on in our apartment if they are not paying rent. I explained that if Mya or Sara had an issue with me, I would appreciate that my roommates bring it up to me and that there should not be a confrontation between me and the gfs. My roommates backed me up and said they thought this was fair and they apologized for their gfs (not necessary but nice gesture). Both gfs stayed silent the entire time but Sara rolled her eyes every time I talked. I addressed Sara and asked if there was anything she would like to talk about to which she just went off on me. Saying I am too controlling about cleaning and buying things for the apartment (which has nothing to do with her) and that I "prance around on my high horse in skimpy clothes". I asked her what I could possibly be wearing that is skimpy and she said "you walk around with everything on display". Her bf stepped in and said he disagreed and that they have never seen me in anything inappropriate so she shouldn't have a problem. She got really offended and said that he was an ass for defending me and not her. I told her she was free to leave if she has issues with our home or the people in it. She stormed off into his room and started packing her things up. As for Mya, she just broke down crying saying she didn't mean to upset me and that Sara brought up the issue to her to confront me. She said she didn't really care about what I was wearing and didn't really see any problems with it but Sara got into her head. Mya was overall not a huge issue from the start, Sara did most of the confronting and Mya just backed her up with some nods, but didn't really add to the conversations. I told her that she should have had more of a back bone with Sara and stood up for me rather than helping Sara confront me if she didn't see a problem. She said she wanted to work on our relationship and was hoping we could become friends despite all of this. Not sure where I stand on that, but I guess it's the thought that counts. Sara and my roommate had a huge argument that lasted almost an hour. Then she left the apartment completely with all her stuff. I asked my roommate what was going on and he said he thinks things are over with Sara, but nothing official yet. Anyways, not sure if that's how you all thought it would go down. Overall, I feel much better about the situation and Im hoping I don't have to deal with Sara again! Thanks for the support and advice! Relevant Comments OOP on if her roommate is going to stay with Mya or not since Sara has left? OOP: I think that breakup is coming sooner than she thinks.... I don't think it will last into the new year at this point + Looks like both roommates are gonna be single in the new year after all of this, but I swear they attract the craziest women so we can only pray. I would love to have a built in bestie though lol How did the GFs get in the apartment if the bfs/roommates were not home? OOP: ok allegedly they "didn't have keys", which was BS cause they get in when bfs are not there. then it was confirmed Sara had a key because she threw it at my roommate on her way out apparently. I told them they aren't allowed to give out keys (that was the only copy they made) I already changed our code though so she can't get into the apartment. She's crazy, but not that crazy. I also added a ring doorbell so she can try all she wants + Never really discussed any house rules about it until recently. My bf is only over when I am home, that just seems like common sense to me? But my roommates have invited my bf over when I wasn't there but I think that is completely different, because at that point he is my roommates guest. Downvoted Commenter: you shouldn't agree to that. people make mistakes. and she owned up to it. if you can't move past it you're being as childish as sara tbh. like okay maybe you end up as friends and maybe you don't, but to just close the door on it because of what happened, that is kinda pathetic. like don't go out of your way to be her friend, but don't go out of your way not to be her friend either. just see what happens. no need to carry a grudge. in the grand scheme of things what happened is so minor. don't be a baby. OOP: It not that I can't move past it, it's just that I don't want to be friends with someone like that. It isn't childish to want to have good people around me. I have no problems being friendly, and I have been even during this situation but I will not force myself to be friends with someone that acts like that. Commenter 1: What does your lease say about overnight guests? How often does your boyfriend stay? It sounds like you and your roommates need to clarify the guest policy. OOP: The lease is very strict about guests, no more than two nights each month. Im ok being more relaxed about it, within reason. there is also no way to tell how long guests are staying. My bf has stayed MAYBE 4 nights in the last 5 months. But regardless, we have already had that conversation, I will see how things go after the holidays and adjust from there! Commenter 1: Being relaxed resulted in this situation. There’s nothing wrong with saying you need new boundaries after this incident. Keeping guest visits to when the resident is home and limiting overnights is not unreasonable. Someone packing a bag and staying for multiple nights is incredibly intrusive. OOP: Agreed, we agreed on two nights per week (with Mya, def not Sara) which I think is reasonable. Why isn't OOP living with her boyfriend? OOP: Hard to explain, but the short of it is that he lives in a different city for a specialty program. Neither of us want to commute to school or work, so this is just easier until graduation. Commenter 2: I'm curious of what Mya wanted to say when she approached you in the kitchen to talk about the whole situation. I don't think you need to be friends, but maybe there's a chance she realized prior to the house meeting that Sara was being unreasonable and wanted to address it 1:1 to get a sense of how you were feeling, especially since she seemed confused when you said you wanted to wait until her bf was home. I still agree that she should have had more of a back bone, though I don't see her as a villain or anything (she might just be a people pleaser). Regardless, I'm glad your roommates backed you up and your update was refreshing to read! OOP: I think her bf talked to her about the situation beforehand. But since I wasn't sure how that conversation was going to go I wanted a witness so she couldn't twist what I said   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
reddit.com Choice_Evidence1983 Dec 17, 2025
I (35F) went on a date with M23.
Quick disclaimer: I did not know the age gap was going to be so big. I thought he was late 20's, like 27-29. If I had known his actual age, I likely wouldn't have proposed the date. So, here's the setup. We met at an event for a shared hobby at the beginning of October, spent a little time at the event, chatting and getting pictures. We exchanged socials and had a little group chat going on Discord. He messages me privately, we start to chat, and it becomes obvious he likes me because he's flirting a bit and calling me all kind of pet names. I didn't think I'd spent enough time to get to know him and form an opinion if I liked him back so I propose a date at an Asian restaurant a little out of our way but I had been there before and liked the food. First red flag, he showed up looking like he came from the gym, basketball shorts and a plain sleeveless t-shirt. I let this go because it was a casual meetup but damn, is it too much to expect a collared shirt or button up? Next, he didn't compliment my look at all. I wasn't wearing a dress and heels but I at least tried to look cute with a nice outfit and makeup. Before you call me arrogant and self centered: the reason I was surprised was because almost every other message from him to me included a compliment like beautiful, sexy, cute, etc and when I got none of that face to face, it was a little strange in my mind. Next, he had no conversation skills. We were able to chat about our shared hobby but outside of that, there was nothing. I asked him about his job, his commute, his family, he did not return the gesture. I'm on Tiktok a lot and see a lot of women talking about awkward dates and a main complaint is that men only talk about themselves and never ask their dates any questions to get to know them. This guy was on that but he didn't even talk about himself. When we weren't talking about our hobby, it was just silent at the table unless I posed another question. This was mind blowing to me and at one point, I went quiet just to see if he'd pick up the conversational slack and we ended up sitting in silence for about five minutes until I started talking again. He was also in his phone a lot, texting and scrolling. My phone was out but it was face down on the table and I only ever picked it up to know the time. In fact, he took two phone calls at the table without even a courtesy of, "oh hey, I'm sorry, I have to take this, it's important." Got none of that! He just answered it without warning, I was looking at my plate so when he stared talking, I thought it was to me but alas. Neither of the conversations seemed important, at least from what I could hear from his end and I was just blown by the lack of manners. Obviously, I knew early that this was a wash but I stuck it out. I was grateful he just seemed awkward and unsocialized and wasn't spouting redpill rhetoric. We ended up on the same train for part of the way back and again, he didn't engage with me and was only on his phone so I did the same. When we parted, I gave him a hug goodbye, on which he lingered and I was lowkey terrified he'd try to push a kiss but luckily, that didn't happen. As far as bad dates go, it wasn’t horrible, just painfully awkward and a waste of time, effort, and money. I def should have asked his age beforehand. There's a lot of jokes about Gen Z and how they lack social skills and the like and this was a prime example. I know this is going to come off ageist but I seriously have no desire to be around or hear the opinions of anyone under 25. submitted by /u/ThrowawayFaye818 to r/Millennials [link] [comments]
reddit.com ThrowawayFaye818 Nov 26, 2025
My husband bought me some sportswear for a prank but I kept wearing it and now he’s mad. Should I stop?
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/blackedgymgirl Originally posted to r/WhatShouldIDo My husband bought me some sportswear for a prank but I kept wearing it and now he’s mad. Should I stop? Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: emotional abuse, manipulation, racism Mood Spoilers: schadenfreude Original Post: August 29, 2025 I posted this on AITAH yesterday but it got deleted for some reason. I’m 35 and he’s 29. He bought me a sports bra and bottoms that he saw on an insta model and thought they’d suit me. The shorts are pretty much thongs but I loved the bra as it was very supportive and wore it to the gym. When I got back he asked if anyone said anything about my sports bra if anyone looked. I said no (people do look in the gym but I always say no when he asks as he’s a bit jealous) and he seemed disappointed. When I asked why he started laughing and said the logo on the sports bra “Blacked” is a porn company that specialises in interracial porn. I didn’t really get the prank as I don’t think many people would know that but it annoyed me he tried to humiliate me and I said “bit ironic you sent me outside in that when you got upset finding out I’d been with black men” This caused a big argument and since then I’ve worn this sports bra every time I’ve been to the gym or out on runs out of spite. I even out the bottoms on under my shorts and make sure the waistband sticks out with blacked wrote all around it. I’ve even thought about posting a pic of myself on Instagram wearing it and going to his friends bbq on Sunday wearing it. Should I carry on this petty revenge or stop? Editor's note: OOP has posted the same (now deleted) original post onto the AITAH subreddit prior to this one. I am adding relevant comments from the sub for more context Relevant Comments Commenter 1: No you’re NTAH idk why men think it’s ok to use that against us like sorry we don’t see people by just appearance smh OOP: It nearly split us up when he first reacted to it as I found it racist but he told me he just watched too much porn when he was younger and he was insecure. Can’t be that insecure if he’s sending me out in porn related sportswear. Commenter 2: Your boyfriend is weird. Not the ahole, I’d be annoyed and creeped out OOP: I was honestly very annoyed and that’s why I’ve kept wearing it to annoy him. Commenter 3: You're NTA for wearing the clothes he gave you hoping you'd wear. But you're in a cold war and not sure this relationship has any chance of going anywhere healthy, so YTA to yourself if you don't make a change. OOP: I’ll be honest me stooping to his level has me questioning myself and this relationship. Commenter 4: If this type of thing is normal in your relationship, I suspect you may have bigger issues. Have a look at this quiz, if nothing else than for shits and giggles. Personally, I'd be infuriated that my partner decided to actively try humiliate me. I'd also be upset at them policing and restricting what I wear and places I go, never mind feeling alone and sad over not being able to trust that we can talk about it without there being a fight. Remember: It's only a joke and a prank if everyone's laughing. People laughing at you while you're upset isn't a joke or a prank, that's just plain bullying. OOP: Everything you’ve said is true 😔. Commenter 5: Na but YWBTA to yourself if you stayed with a man who controls what you wear and makes you change gyms because he is insecure OOP: He tried to make me change gym. No chance I was changing. OOP's location OOP: We aren’t in America. Commenter 6: This man is your Yolanda. You were doomed from the day he darkened your doorstep. This is borderline racism. He is getting off on embarrassing you. He INTENDED to humiliate you. It is that deep. OOP: He said he wasn’t trying to embarrass me but I don’t see how he isn’t trying to embarrass me. Why is OOP's husband still upset with her? OOP: I’ve asked him all this and he just keeps saying “it was a joke!” So I said “well is the joke not still running if I keep wearing it? Why is it different now I’m in on the joke?” And he’ll just say it’s not the same. OOP on the sport bra OOP: I like how supportive the bra is though lol + I’ve spent hundreds on sports bras in the past as I’m 32dd so it’s hard to find something that holds them down and stops them hurting and this sports bra is the best I’ve ever had!   Update October 13, 2025 (1.5 months later) Posted this about a month and a half ago so thought I’d update. I didn’t end up posting it on Instagram or wearing it to the bbq I mentioned wearing it to because he threw them away when I went out and left them on the radiator to dry. I’ll be honest I wouldn’t have dared anyway but I went to put the bra on (under my t shirt) to go for a run and couldn’t find it anywhere. I asked him if he’d seen it and he said he bought them so he can do what he wants with them and he threw them in a public bin so I wouldn’t find them. I was so angry! They were mine not his and while I didn’t care about the bottoms the bra was very supportive! I was just thinking about taking his PS5 that I bought and binning it to prove a point but then I took a breath, went for a walk, returned a couple of hours later and told him I want a divorce. Being the idiot he is he said “what? Over a bra?” Not realising it was a build up of the way he was acting before all that. I reeled off a list off a list of stuff, trying to humiliate me with the prank in the first place, calling me “saggy tits” in front of his friends all the time, being jealous and possessive, belittling my hobbies and things I do for fun, constantly talking about women like shit and a few other things. All he would say was “well why didn’t you divorce me when that happened?” to every point which was annoying. His only defence was the saggy tit one when he said “they’ve seen your tits and like them so it’s only a joke” he did ask years ago if he could show them a pic and I said yes. I moved out that day and said I’d continue to pay my half of the rent until the contract is up at the end of January. I went to stay at a hotel for a couple of nights before one of my brothers friends said I go could stay in one of his empty properties and I’m still here now. I actually really like it and think I’ll stay here for good. He still messages a lot, a mix between asking me back and trying to make jealous but I ignore him. I’ve spoke to a lawyer and started the divorce but she said it’ll probably take around a year Sorry the update wasn’t much fun but it is what it is for now. If anyone’s interested when I start having a fun life again I’ll let you know lol. Me and a friend are going to Amsterdam next week so that should be fun. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I find it odd you married an idiot and put up with his borderline abuse for years and then all of a sudden grew a spine after a Reddit post. OOP: I think it was the fact he wanted to publicly humiliate me and then his reaction when it didn’t work. That plus the fact in the last month or so he also forced me to change gyms and a bit of extra confidence from going to the gym made me realise. Commenter 2: speak to the landlord see if you can get your name off the lease so you dont have to pay for somewhere you dont live you are paying for him to have the whole place to himself OOP: I’ve told the landlord I’ve moved out so anything that happens is on my ex. Commenter 3: Good for you for leaving. A partner is supposed to uplift you, not humiliate or mock you. Honestly wearing the activewear was such a power move and I'm here for it. Wish you the best in your new life. OOP: I just wish I’d dared wear the whole outfit now lol.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
reddit.com Choice_Evidence1983 Oct 21, 2025
AITAH for having no sympathy for my (37f) husband (33m) after he begged me for years to sleep with another man and now he’s upset by it?
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwRA_toldhusband Originally posted to r/AITAH AITAH for having no sympathy for my (37f) husband (33m) after he begged me for years to sleep with another man and now he’s upset by it? Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: emotional abuse and manipulation, coercion Original Post: August 2, 2025 Throwaway because i love posting my life on Reddit and don’t want this mess attached to it. Been with my husband for 12 years and pretty much from the start he told me he has a fantasy to watch me sleep with another man. He isn’t the first man to ask me to do this you’d be surprised how many men ask women to do this. The thing is though my husband can be a little bit insecure to the point where I told him a year after we got together that I was thinking of leaving him because I can’t deal with his constant questions of who someone is and how I know them every time they comment or like something on my socials. Or every time I mentioned someone at work he’d start making passive aggressive comments. He got better and said he realised how much of a contradiction he was being. Mostly his insecurities have calmed down with the odd flare up. About three years ago he really ramped up the asking me to sleep with another man. He’d mention it at least once a week and tell me which of his friends found me hot and stuff like that and he’d talk dirty while we had sex about me and other men. About a year ago I caved a little and said as a test I’d start posting revealing pictures on socials and see how he handled it. So I started posting gym selfies and outfit pics of me wearing very revealing clothing. Then when we went to Ibiza I sunbathed topless and even posted a picture on my socials where it was obvious I was topless and captioned it “men don’t like tan lines do they?” He passed all these tests and never once reacted negatively. While in Ibiza we went clubbing and he watched me dance with other men and seemed like he really enjoyed it. Around six months ago I said ok but made him sign a piece of paper (obviously not legally binding but just trying to get it in to his head) that this can’t be classed as cheating it is a sex game to fulfil HIS fantasy, he said that all types of sex are ok and nothing is off limits and he will choose the man so I can’t be accused of any sort of cheating. He said he was fine with this. He’s a big man 6’4 and goes gym nearly every day. He chose a little skinny guy, 5’5 and not a bit of muscle on him. Anyway tale as old as time, he wanted it, got it and now isn’t happy and is upset. He says I enjoyed myself too much, it was obvious I preferred the sex with the other guy, I was louder and gave him head longer etc etc there’s been numerous complaints. I’ve just shut him down every time and said I told him this is how it was going to go and he didn’t listen to me and I showed him numerous posts on Reddit of this exact thing happening. Men begging, their wives giving in, the men can’t handle it and they blame the wife. I said that’s not me I’m not taking any blame. I did exactly what I was told to do. Sleep with another man and put on a show and act like a pornstar. I did that, I held up my end he isn’t holding up his end of either enjoying it or accepting he asked for this. He’s saying I’m being an asshole by showing no understanding or in his words taking accountability for my actions! He said if I knew this was going to happen I shouldn’t have done it and should just keep saying no. It’s like an adult who would purposely put his hand in a lions cage and then crying it’s been bitten off! AITAH? Should I be more understanding? AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Relevant Comments Commenter 1: NTA and also this would be a huge red flag for me about the relationship in general. He broke YOUR trust. OOP: I’ll be honest it is really bothering me. Commenter 2: So you know he was a deeply insecure man and considered leaving him the past before it. You researched it and showed him numerous accounts of how men regret this. Don't like it makes them even more insecure. You then post a series of tests that aren't really the same and he passes. Then you sleep with a man not of your choosing just for him. And he doesn't like it...just like he has never really gotten over any of the above. At what point are you going to give yourself the self respect of not putting up with his behaviour? OOP: I am getting to the stage now where I’m realising the bad far outweighs the good. Commenter 3: His fantasy stems from his insecurities. You did nothing wrong but your husband can’t handle what he asked you to do. I’m all for consensual kink, but there should be 0 pressure from either side. If I were you I’d be pissed that he pressured me and then got mad when he got what he wanted! I’m sorry, but that’s some bs! OOP: I agree which is why I say it’s all his making. Seeing someone not take responsibility for their actions is very off putting. Commenter 4: Wasting 12 years on this “man” is the real crime here! Like he showed his hand from the jump so please tell me he’s either rich or amazing in bed? Like I want to know what’s the pull towards him? OOP: He is/was a genuinely good man in all other aspects, very romantic, split the housework, hardworker, extremely caring when I was ill for a year but it felt like this was just an itch he needed to scratch and it was becoming all consuming. Update: August 7, 2025 (five days later) A lot of the comments on my original post opened my eyes to the fact he was setting me up to be the bad guy and not enjoy myself to make himself look/feel better. Unfortunately his plan backfired as I enjoyed myself very much. I was leaning very heavily towards leaving him but last night he asked me if he could pick someone else for me to fuck and we can try doing it again. I lost it and told him to get out my house and never come back. I’ve never been so angry with someone. He’s messing with my head and that was the final straw. He’s at his parents at the minute. I look forward to him telling everyone I cheated 🙄 . Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Oooh. He’s an assehole. I just read the other post and obviously he’s convinced himself that he’s a Bull and now his fragile little ego has been shattered. Cucks enjoy being cucked, he wanted his imagined prowess vindicated and can’t handle the fact the smaller guy was better. I’m sorry but I think therapy is the only possible saviour at this time, he will swill on it forever otherwise. OOP: No therapy. I’m done. Commenter 2: NTA but wow. He wanted to selfishly fulfill a fantasy only to have it backfire on him, and now he’s butthurt. Too bad. And yes, do pass that form along to anyone who comes after you all bothered. OOP: I have the form and screenshots and even videos of the night with him directing me and telling me what to do if he wants to go that route and badmouth me to people. Commenter 3: Maybe warn him that if he dares breathe a word about infidelity to anyone, you will go public with everything - hopefully, that will shut him up and save yourself the public embarrassment. OOP: No I’ll let him bury himself. Commenter 4: Did these kind of requests go through texts? If so send anyone going after you for cheating those texts. Nta OOP: I’ve got hundreds of text messages. I’ve got the messages between him and the man on the swinging site. Got videos of me and the man and my husband telling us what to do plus my husband doing something which I’m not going to go in to detail about here. DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
reddit.com Choice_Evidence1983 Aug 14, 2025
My (40f) husband (42m) told me our daughter’s friend (18f) tried it on with him. I didn’t react well.
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwra_bustout Originally posted to r/WhatShouldIDo My (40f) husband (42m) told me our daughter’s friend (18f) tried it on with him. I didn’t react well. Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: accusations of infidelity, victim blaming, mentions of anger issues Mood Spoilers: flabbergasted Original Post: July 1, 2025 Sorry if you see me posting in others subs it keeps getting removed. The last couple of weeks my husband has been very quiet and not sleeping well. I’ve asked him a couple of times if he’s ok and he’s said yes but I could tell something was bothering him. On Saturday he said he needs to talk to me and burst in to tears. I made us a cup of tea and sat down with him. He just blurted it out and said Ava (our daughter’s friend) had been coming on to him and he doesn’t know what to do. He said it started when he made a cake for her 18th birthday party. She messaged him saying she got his number from our daughter and thank you for the cake. She then sent a lot of photos of herself in the dress she wore for the party. He just replied saying it looked a fun party. She then messaged asking if he could look at her car for her as it was making a funny noise. She came round and he looked and said it was the brakes. He told me this at the time so he wasn’t hiding anything. She came round when our daughter was home but I wasn’t and she went inside while my husband worked on the car outside. When it was done she came out alone and said she had no money on her and he said that’s fine just bring it round whenever or give it to our daughter. She then said she can pay another way and in his words “flashed me and I said I’ve got to go and went inside closing the door”. I read through all the messages and he never replied to any of them after this incident and that afternoon she messaged him saying “thanks for doing my car for me. You’re cute when your shy” she’s messaged him 100s of times since asking if he’s alone, asking for lifts, asking if thinks she’s pretty and shes sent losds of pics from fully clothed to fully nude. My husband has said he doesn’t know whether to reply, to talk to her parents, to talk to me. He said he’s scared he’s going to ruin our daughter’s life if this comes out. I don’t know why but I suddenly exploded. I called him a pervert, I said he must’ve led her on, I said he must’ve paid her as he’s far too old and ugly for her, I called him disgusting and said I want him out the house, I said he’s ruined our daughters life and plenty of other awful things. I stormed out the house and when I came back an hour later he was gone. Over the last couple of days I’ve calmed down and realised he’s done nothing wrong and I’ve reacted awfully. I’ve tried ringing and messaging him but he’s not responding. Why did I react like that and how do I apologise to him? What do we do about these messages? Do we talk to her or her parents? TLDR: our daughter’s friend has been coming on to my husband. I blamed him Edit: it’s 5am here in the uk now and I’m going to drive to his brothers house now where he’s staying as I know he leaves for work about 6 and I’m going to try and talk to him face to face. I’ve got flowers, chocolates and wearing his favourite outfit. I’ll let you all know what happens. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: He was vulnerable and confided in you and you treated him like a piece of shit. You're a fucking horrible person and I hope he leaves your ass. OOP: I think he will to be honest and I don’t blame him. I messed up. Commenter 2: Why has your husband not blocked her number? And why are you assuming that this is his fault? Is it because you’re not going to believe your husband of how many years over an 18 year-old child who’s coming on to him? YTA OOP: I don’t know what came over me. I’ve never been the jealous or insecure type. I just suddenly got a massive pang of jealousy and pictured him with a younger better looking woman and lost it. This is all on me not him. Commenter 3: You victim blamed your husband. He came to you scared and afraid and you blamed him. He came to you for support and you betrayed him. You’re his wife. You’re supposed to be his partner. You’re supposed to trust him. He’s supposed to be able to come to you when times are hard and you betrayed him. You should be ashamed of yourself. He believed in you. I hope he doesn’t come back. Instead of talking about speaking to the girl’s family, first you should speak with your husband. OOP: I’ve tried to speak to him but understandably he doesn’t want to speak to me. I don’t know why I acted that way. I feel terrible for him he looked so scared. Commenter 4: Assuming the messages are one-sided, your husband should tell Ava’s parents and show the receipts. You fucked up real bad. If you haven’t already, you need to 1) apologize and take ownership of your fuckup, 2) explain that you don’t even understand your own reaction and offer to go to couples therapy, and 3) offer to go to Ava’s parents with him—even if he no longer wants you there, it’s likely best for him if you present a united front to the parents. OOP: They are fully one sided. He said he didn’t delete them so he has evidence in case she said something and I accused him of keeping them so he can wank off over the pictures 😫. Commenter 5: You slut shamed your own husband, wtf?! Poor guy, as a woman you should know better. Going out on a limb here but maybe you should have hugged him and told him you love him? You possibly reacted that way because you don’t know how to handle betrayal. But you were betrayed by the daughter’s friend, not your husband. The girl is an adult regardless of who she is to your family, she is trying to mess with your husband. Your anger was wildly misplaced. I am the type to confront, not get angry, but that’s just me. You may have just ruined your marriage and will have to live with it, even though you didn’t mean to. Mistakes have consequences. Do you always have a supper short fuse? You are going to need a lot of therapy to live a healthy life. Sorry this happened to you. This is a sucky situation. OOP: I’ve never been jealous or insecure. I don’t know what came over me. We’ve known this girl since she was 5 and for some reason I blamed my husband not her. I pictured them together and got an insane surge of jealousy. Why was OOP's husband making cakes? OOP: He makes amazing decorative cakes and her parents asked if he could make her one for her 18th. Commenter: I don't understand why he didn't come to you much, much sooner. How did he let it progress to nude pics before he said something to you and her parents? OOP: I’ve just started a new job he knew I was stressed out and didn’t want to cause stress and our daughter is taking exams at the moment. OOP had no respect for her husband when told the news OOP: I know I handled this terribly. I’ve been messaged by loads of younger men on socials and he’s always laughed about it and said “you’re too gorgeous they can’t resist you”. There’s a young lad from my gym who added me on Instagram and started liking all my posts and commenting before DMing me and my husband just laughed and said “I don’t think we are at the stage where we need a young man to take over in the bedroom yet”.   Update: July 3, 2025 (two days later) So I went round to my husbands brothers yesterday morning at 5:30am to wait for him to leave for work so I could talk to him. I wore his favourite dress of mine and took him chocolate, flowers and a letter I’d wrote for him. The talk went how a lot of you wanted it to go. He told me he’d spoken to a lawyer and he wanted a divorce. He said he can’t get past what I said and as soon as he laid eyes on me he felt nothing but anxiety and a need to run. He said he’ll never get over what I said and how I acted and that’s that. I know I deserve this but I am still incredibly heartbroken. Last night he also met up with our daughter and told her everything and she is also not talking to me and said she’s going to live with her dad when this is over. She also said her friend has been saying for years that she fancies my husband but thought it was just stupid talk and she wouldn’t actually do anything. She’s still friends with Ava but told her she will fall out with her if she does anything else. My husband had also spoken to the girls parents who didn’t really seem to give a shit. They said she’s 18 and can do what she wants and they are sorry she’s tried to get with a married man but they can’t ban her from talking to people and she’ll be going to uni in September so they don’t want to cause any unrest before she goes. My husband said he felt a lot more relaxed once he’d spoken to them and our daughter so hopefully he can sleep now. TLDR: everyone knows now. I’m the bad guy. Ava got away with no punishment. Edit: im too drunk to reply I’ll reply tomorrow x Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Why would Ava have gotten in trouble? She is a legal adult. Sure she shouldn’t have flirted with someone married but that’s life, it happens. Going to her parents was going to change absolutely nothing OOP: He just went there to clear his name in case anything came of it but the impression he got was as this wasn’t even the first time it’s happened. Downvoted Commenter: I'm sorry everyone is shitting on you OP. Try to find a good therapist you can talk out your feelings and why you reacted like that. Then, if you still want to be with your husband, try again. OOP: I’m already booked in to see a therapist about impulse control and anger management. Commenter 2: Gurl this is a lot, I read the original post and I wonder if your husband has cheated in the past that caused you to say all those things? I’m a bit of a hothead myself and I do tend to say AWFUL things, but I really wonder why you said all of that stuff? I sympathize with you I really do. Unfortunately when men’s feelings get hurt they’ll SHELTER themselves and there’s really no return from this. Keep apologizing though and express how much of a dickturd you are, it might save your relationship. Show how remorseful you are. OOP: No he’s never cheated. He wouldn’t even have a threesome with me and another woman when I’ve offered him. He said he only had eyes for me Commenter 3: Omg did you really shatter the entire illusion of feeling apologetic by bringing Ava up in the LAST SENTENCE!?? OOP: She ruined my marriage 2nd edit 8:20am 10/7/2025: my daughter came to me last night and told me some things. Ava is on her way to ours now to show me some stuff on her phone. I’ll update later hopefully.   DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED ----NEW UPDATE---- Update #2: July 11, 2025 (eight days later) This update is posted at 3am on 11/7/2025 Just want to start this by saying I don’t care if anyone believes me or not. I’m not sharing screenshots or Ava’s socials as so many men have asked. All the names are fake obviously. Last night (9/7/25) my daughter came to me and said she needed to talk. She told me that a friend had been in touch and told her that a couple of weeks ago, this would have been the day of the flashing incident, on a night out Ava left early and said she was getting a lift home with a friend. The friend of my daughters left the pub five minutes later with her boyfriend and saw Ava getting in to my husbands car. Her and Ava made eye contact and Ava begged the friend not to say anything but she came forward to my daughter after hearing what had happened. My daughter messaged Ava who came to see her and admitted it pretty instantly. She said she did come on to my husband first when he was fixing her car but he responded shyly but positively to the come on and he asked her to flash which she did. She mentioned she was out that night and he said he was going out with his brother but he’d leave early and pick her up. She said it was her idea to keep messaging him on WhatsApp like it was her coming on to him and him not responding so if they ever got caught it would cover him as he would get in more trouble than her but they actually communicated through Telegram. This doesn’t make sense to me but whatever. My daughter went to see her dad and went through his phone while he was in the shower and found the picture of Ava in his gallery, which isn’t a problem now I guess, and also found the telegram app but said she couldn’t bring herself to read the messages which I get. As my daughter told me this I remember the night he went out with his brother. He got in really late and the next day said he’d been a designated driver and he’d had to give everyone lifts home. I felt sick. I’m blocked on his phone and all his socials so I messaged his brother and told him to ask my husband to send me the ring door bell footage of the flash incident. Apparently it’s gone as he panicked and deleted it and it’s been too long now anyway. Yesterday morning my daughter asked Ava if she would come round and see me and she agreed. She came round about half 9 and started crying instantly and said she was sorry. I said it’s ok and what’s done is done but I need answers. She told me pretty much what my daughter had told me but also said about six months ago she was round ours and went outside for a smoke and my husband was already there. They got talking and Ava got upset saying she thought her parents were going to split up and my husband consoled her and then said “sometimes when kids get older parents realise they don’t have much in common, don’t tell Kelly (daughter) but me and Sasha (me) are in the process of splitting up”. This was the first I’d heard of this! This is why she said she acted on her crush she’d had for years. I won’t go in to details of the night he picked her up but they did stuff that night and she said on one more occasion since in our garage where he let her in the back garden gate to avoid the ring doorbell! She didn’t tell him about the friend seeing them until a couple of days later after the pick up and that tallies up with when he started acting weird but even during the weird stage he still snuck her in to the garage for a blowjob! Ava then shown me all the telegram messages. Again I won’t go in to details but he messaged her a couple of times and said “you haven’t chased my WhatsApp today you’d best message me on there to keep it up” and was also begging for photos constantly. He came clean to me because the day before this friend who saw them both together told Ava she needed to talk to her about what she saw. My husband obviously panicked once Ava told him this. To clarify all of this I asked Ava if she could tell me something about my husband that no one would know unless they saw him naked. She knew what I meant and instantly said he’s only got one ball. She couldn’t have gotten this info from anywhere else. Ava sent me loads of screenshots of all their conversations. I then sent a screenshot to my brother in law and told him to tell my husband I have the whole conversation and I know everything. I feel so stupid now. In my first post and my second one I was defending him in the comments. Anyone who said his story sounds fishy got downvoted and I joined in with the downvotes and the rebuttals. Turns out they were right. I’m sorry to anyone I argued with who tried to tell me he was lying. Someone messaged me as well and said the reason I said what I said is because my gut was telling me something wasn’t right and that’s why it was out of character for me as I’ve never spoken about him like that. I told that person they were wrong and it was my insecurities that made me say that and then I blocked the person. Im sorry. I gave him sex or a blowjob nearly every day but it still wasn’t enough. I did every kink he asked of me. I never said no to anything. I even told him I’d like to have a threesome with another woman or watch him with other women. Why wouldn’t he do that for me but he would cheat on me? I did everything he ever asked of me and he still cheated. I’ll admit I’ve cheated before. I’ve kissed two other men and let another one run his hands over my clothed body while I danced at a concert. He wasn’t bothered about the kissing he says that’s not real cheating but he didn’t like the dancing one which I understand. I’m trying to balance this out. I haven’t heard from my husband or his brother. My daughter is here asleep now and I booked me and her on a last minute trip to the Cotswolds this weekend at a spa to get us both away from this mess. TLDR: a lot of you were right. He did have something to hide.   August 1, 2025 - Editor's note: With the mods' approval, I have added the tiny latest update here Sorry there is no new update.: July 18, 2025 (one week later) I probably get 30 messages a day asking for any new updates so just wanted to say there aren’t any. We are still getting divorced. He still hasn’t really spoken to me. He’s still at his brothers. Our daughter is living with me. As far as I am aware him and Ava haven’t had any more sex but who knows.   March 8, 2026 - Editor's note: With the mods' approval, I have added the tiny latest update here Update #3: March 2, 2026 (7.5 months later) Just got the email my divorce is finalised. I’ll be honest I’ve been a bit of a hoe since we split up and I don’t see that changing. I’m loving being alone I wish I’d done it sooner. I’ve already bought his half of the house so divorce is just finalising the split. My daughter went travelling the world in January and she’s loving it. She’s currently in Zanzibar. I still speak to Ava and she’s still not accepting any offer of therapy and is still into much older men. My ex-husband is currently living with a friend because him and his brother had a fall out. I gave him £200k to buy his half of the house. Won’t last him long though when he refuses to work more than part time. That’s everything. Goodbye. DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
reddit.com Choice_Evidence1983 Jul 10, 2025
AITAH for being brutally honest with my friend about why women don’t like him?
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Special-Ad2872 Originally posted to r/AITAH AITAH for being brutally honest with my friend about why women don’t like him? Editor's note: add paragraph breaks for ease of readability Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warning: incel behavior, body shaming Mood Spoilers: concerning Original Post: June 18, 2025 Yes this is a long post but it’s a long story. Hear me out. My friend who I’ll refer to as Nathan (25M) has had horrible luck with women for a very long time. He does have a bright future ahead of him though in regards to career. He’s just graduated college last year and is currently in Law school. However he’s been homeschooled his whole life, and does ALL his college courses and law school online, not in person; which leads me to this next point: He’s never had a girlfriend, never been out on a successful date, is still a virgin and lowkey doesn’t have many friends in general either so his social skills are REALLY underdeveloped. His only real socialization was with older people (parents, grandparents, fellow elder people) and me (met through family friends) so he was kind of raised very…..sheltered and doesn’t have anything in common with anyone his own age, let alone women his own age. To top that all off, he’s been nothing but super focused on school and being the best student he can be so grades were his number 1 priority during his developmental years which there isn’t anything wrong with that, however he never took a break to live life or have any experiences in life. Nathan has had multiple girls his family introduced him to starting in 2021 all the way till now and they’ve been trying to get them to give him a chance but they end up just not liking him. I really hate to not be on his side and support him through his constant rejections from multiple girls, but it’s gotten to a point where all these girls have the same complaints about him: Nathan’s about 5’2 and body wise, very skinny/petite-built. He is also starting to bald, and has no bodily strength whatsoever either; he starts shaking just from holding a grocery bag. I hate to sound rude, but the truth is the truth: He is built like a little girl and has the hairline of a father of 3. While I understand height can’t be changed and not necessarily his hair either, he can at least start working out and possibly add some weight/muscle to give him SOME manly appearance so I mentioned him doing this with me in general conversation with him. Whenever I go to the gym I tell him to come join me as a hobby or just to be my gym buddy. He declined numerous times and the one time he did go, he struggled lifting a 10 lb weight…so he stopped going. Okay, whatever. The way Nathan dresses is very grandpa vibes (tucks in shirt, dress pants/slacks and dress shirts on an ordinary day, etc) I asked him why doesn’t he dress more comfortable everyday, like a jogging outfit, a hoodie, some jeans/sweats, and that he should wear sneakers instead of Freddie Benson dress shoes everyday. He doesn’t think anything’s wrong with how he dresses, and he wants to look “professional” since he’s gonna be an upcoming lawyer one day. I explained to him Lawyers dress in suits and ties, not tucked in button up flannels. And they also don’t dress like that everyday either, just when they’re on the job. Sadly, he wasn’t having it. Then it finally hit me: it’s his damn personality, or the lack of it. See, I’m not trying to talk down on him, but if we’re gonna go by objective reality: He has the personality of a brick. I’ve seen with my own 2 eyes how he talks to girls, how he acts on dates etc; he cannot make a conversation to save his life. He is not funny either, and has 0 charisma. He’s a literal mute on all double dates and 1 on 1 dates he’s been on, and it’s so painfully awkward to watch. It’s not like the girls aren’t trying either, I’ve managed to get him dates however they go nowhere due to his sheer lack of confidence, personality or interest. When he talks to a woman, it’s like all that he knows how to talk about is just…school. And if it’s not school, it’s just radio silence. Or some shit that only boomers would understand or care about. I’ve also noticed how everytime him and I go out somewhere, and I’m not sure if it’s due to his size; he is SCARED and flinches whenever people walk past us and he’s always afraid that doing anything or going anywhere fun or interesting is too “wild” or “dangerous” for him (I.E Concerts, bars, amusement parks etc). So I did it. He whined and whined, kept being full of bitterness, complaints and negativity, talking bad about women and saying they never want good men and they only want players or good looking tall guys. So I ended up telling him straight out that the reason he doesn’t get anywhere with girls is because he’s a dork. I told him I don’t care if he’s a dork since I’m not the one dating him, but that girls crave excitement, fun, or at least someone they can talk to about anything or have fun experiences with etc. I told him he refuses to change anything physically about himself, and to top it all of he won’t even make himself at least interesting or fun to be around and he is completely dull. That is why he can’t pull or keep. He then got mad at me and accused me of “picking on him” and “making fun of him”, and that I’m “holding his life circumstances against him” (no public schooling/socialization) to which I told him I am not and I wish I was just saying non-sense, I am telling him the truth. I explained to him that his lack of social skills and appearance isn’t necessarily his fault, however if someone’s giving you advice on what’s stopping you from getting where you want to be and how to change it, you should take that advice and quit complaining and just thinking everyone should accept you as you are because newsflash: we all have flaws. I told him that if he wants get somewhere with girls and not have constant competition then he needs to have something to make up for it, because there are plenty of lawyers and future lawyers in the world and simply saying “I graduated college” isn’t gonna make somebody have a connection or attraction to you. He told me I’m jealous that he’s getting somewhere in his life academically, and that other girls are the problem for not seeing his worth and future success and that if that’s not enough for them to be with him, then they’re the ones not good enough for him. I have not talked to him since then and I refuse to associate with someone who thinks I’m jealous of them for giving them constructive criticism to a problem they constantly complain about. My dad is saying I’m right but also that it’s probably an insecurity on his part and I should apologize and try not to be too hard on him. I feel like I shouldn’t be friends with somebody who can’t ever see what’s wrong with them or accept their flaws without crying about it and blaming others though because that’s just plain toxic to me. AITAH? AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Is there any chances that Nathan could be autistic? OOP: I’m ngl, I kind of had a feeling for a couple years that might of been his issue especially since mental disabilities run in his family (his brother had down syndrome and passed away). But even then, most autistic people are already kind of aware that they’re a little off from others and simply just need to be told what to do/not to do in regards to social cues and they grasp onto it quickly. Also I’ve met many autistic people who actually had a personality….My friend absolutely REFUSES to accept that he’s kind of a weirdo and that he has none at all, so I’m not sure where that’s landing for him. Commenter 1: “holding his life circumstances against him” (no public schooling/socialization) NTA - like you said, it's not about his past, it's that he doesn't even want to attempt improving himself. Going to the gym doesn't even have to be about working out, it should be about learning to socialize. Maybe he needs to take an art class, yoga class, or something just so he can learn how to talk to people in general before he goes on dates. OOP: I’ve tried to introduce him to a lot of my friends, you know so he can try to have a friend group. He failed numerous times to get along with them due to lack of anything in common or once again, not being able to make a conversation or even say something funny to at least break the ice. He also thinks they’re all “reckless, dangerous and bad influences” because they go to parties and drink here and there. They’re literally 25+, so I’m not sure what’s the big deal if they party or have a beer…. Commenter 2: NTA. But as unrelated practical advice, I think asking him to do things he knows he would not enjoy like concerts and bars is not helpful. I would encourage him to find and pursue time in a hobby he has any sort of potential interest in. Because then you can talk to other people who also pursue that hobby, which immediatly gives you something to talk about. Usually it's not too hard to find a club or group for any potential hobby that exists. This is really helpful for people who are bad at holding conversations. OOP: Oh I’ve tried that, the thing is he has no hobbies or interests. He’s just school, family, school, family and more school. I’ve recommended hobbies to him, like getting into cars, sports, even video games; all of it is unappealing to him so long as it’s something fun and not something to do with being ultra serious, respectful and studying unfortunately. What kinds of things do Nathan like to talk about? OOP: He only likes to talk about boring things or things from hundreds of years ago….He’ll talk about war, history facts, evolution/viking days etc. When I say boomer shit, I mean he doesn’t watch anything but the news, reads newspapers (I didn’t even know they still make them) and only talks about work/school, plays bingo and gets along only with elders. + Yes, those could be his hobbies; which I don’t have an issue with or care that he’s into them. It’s just the point that the women I KNOW would be into him and have these same interests, he’s not into. He doesn’t want a girl in his league. He wants the popular, beautiful, charming women with multiple better options than him, but they also have to be a virgin and have the demeanor of Mother Teresa at the same time. Then when they don’t like him or have any of these same interests as him, or he finds out said woman doesn’t exist (obviously) he gets all bitter and whiny. I don’t know if he was raised on Disney princess movies or something but dude doesn’t wanna live in reality. Commenter 3: The part about him being jumpy and scared whenever anyone passes by him is what stands out the most. Is it possible that he was abused? He was home schooled so no one would’ve seen anything but a lot of times that is the reaction people develop when they have to walk on egg shells as a child in their home because they didn’t know what to expect from parents and when they would get mad at something. OOP: No, he was not abused. He was a very loved child actually. Maybe neglected developmentally, but not abused. He’s just paranoid of the outside world for some reason.   Update: June 21, 2025 (three days later) OG post is here https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/jtiCTbz5CV I just wanted to say that I got in contact with Nathan and apologized to him for being too harsh towards him. I tried explaining to him that even though I was harsh, I was just frustrated and trying to help him since I figured he’d needed someone to be blunt with him, but it wasn’t my intention to hurt his feelings or anything. I made sure to express that I do care about him as a person and just wanted to guide him since he seemed lost in the world of dating. He didn’t really accept my apology, told me that I’m on the path to being a broke, loser bum because I’m in a different field than him and he has decided that everything I told him was just out of jealousy and that he thinks, and I quote “he is owed the highest form of respect for being a good man who is a future legal representative” and since I wasn’t giving him that, that we should stop being friends. He also attempted to tell me that I should watch out from disrespecting him because in the future my life will be in his hands and he’ll have the power to put me in jail (???). I assured him that jealousy and the highest form of respect definitely wasn’t the case lol, but if that’s how he feels then so be it. At least I know I tried and did my part. I also wanted to answer some questions I seen people leave under the OG post for some clarity: Yes, he is 5’2. Yes, he is very skinny and small. Every physical attribute I’ve mentioned and described is real. Some people thought I was over exaggerating or just straight up lying, but I am not. For those asking how is he doing college/law school online, he was studying online classes at University of Florida, as for law school I know which one he is doing but I won’t say for privacy purposes. As for WHY he’s been doing nothing but home/online his whole life, it’s because his parents are really overprotective of him. They were consistently worried about school shootings, kidnappers etc, even to this day. For those asking if his families religious, yes they are. However mine is too, and many others; this has not stopped anyone from growing into a different or better person nor has it caused me or anyone I know (besides Nathan) to have a one track mind. For those asking if he is autistic, he isn’t diagnosed so I don’t wanna say yes, but does he exhibit signs of severe autism? Yes, yes he does. The lack of social/self awareness was a clear sign for me, but I don’t wanna label him that if I’m wrong. For those who mentioned how he plans to be a lawyer with no talking/social skills: I mentioned this to him during our last conversation. I told him forget about women, and politely explained that he also needs to improve his communication and social skills if he plans to be a lawyer because without that he isn’t gonna make it very far. He told me he’s “got it all figured out” and as long as he gets that degree, that’s all he needs to be ultra successful in law. I told him that’s not how it works and you quite literally have to be slightly manipulative and convincing in order to make a name for yourself because what good is your degree if you suck at actually performing your job? He once again tried to tell me that I’m jealous and don’t know what I’m talking about. So yeah, after all that I’ve accepted that our friendship is over and I’m not sure where he’s gonna land in the future, whether in regards to romantic relationships or his actual career, and I was also the only friend he had so I do wish him the best and hope life doesn’t humble him to the point of no return. I don’t think he’s a bad person, just out of touch with reality, and I hope that doesn’t backfire too harshly on him. Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: In the original post you mentioned that he had a disabled sibling who died young. Your (former?) friend isn’t necessarily autistic. His parents coped with the pain of one child dying by isolating their remaining child “for safety.” They kept him away from life experiences and developing social skills by never putting him in situations where he was forced to learn to interact with other people. He’s wildly ignorant as a result, and arrogant in his ignorance. This is developmentally normal for a young teenager. Just how old was he when his brother died? If you have the mental bandwidth, keep a line of communication open. If and when he realizes that he’s been neglected, he may reach out to you. You don’t have to put up with any bullshit, but if he’s honestly gotten to that point, a kind word or three could be part of how he develops. OOP: He only died a year ago. Not long enough to shield Nathan from the world. They’ve been doing this. Commenter 2: He’s going to get eaten alive in a firm, but that will be his lesson to learn. But I doubt he’ll even manage to get a foot in the door. Commenter 3: I feel like Nathan's parents are to blame for his attitude towards OP. The stuff Nathan said about OP being jealous and that he will be an instant success as long as he gets a degree sound like a parent telling them child that everything will be ok and it's not your fault, everyone is just out to get you that's all. Very sheltered by the way OP describes why he was homeschooled and does online college classes.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
reddit.com Choice_Evidence1983 Jun 28, 2025
Go to gym outfit?
Hi. For men out there that goes to the gym, what is your go to outfit? I always see these good looking Sando, Muscle T's, and Jogging pants but not sure where to buy them. I want your opinion :) Ladies, please feel free to suggest din specially sa mga nakikita niyo sa mga gym crush niyo haha. TIA! submitted by /u/iSmartTrashcan to r/PHitness [link] [comments]
reddit.com iSmartTrashcan Jun 22, 2025
AITAH for wanting to accept a promotion even tho my boyfriend says its not the kind of life he wants?
I (25F) just got offered a pretty huge promotion at work, from being a coordinator for one business unit to becoming a global coordinator. It’s a big jump, both in responsibilities and salary. I’ve been promoted every year since I started here (it’s been 3 years), and this role is honestly something I never thought I’d reach this soon. It would be a big deal financially and career wise. The only catch is that it involves some travel.. The company is actually trying to reduce travel costs, so it wouldn’t be constant. We have four business units in different parts of the world (Europe, Asia, South America), and I’d probably go to each once a year, for about a week each. So in total, like four weeks a year. My boyfriend (32M) is not really okay with that. He didn’t give me a direct ultimatum, but when I brought it up again after he already told me how he feels, he basically said that if I keep pushing for something he’s clearly not comfortable with, then I must know what I truly want and that I should just pack my bags and leave. It really hurt to hear that. I get where he’s coming from though, he wants a stable life, someone more family focused, and he’s been upfront about that since the beginning.. but so have I about not wanting kids untill 30. Thing is… I’ve started to care more about those values too since being with him. But at the same time, I’ve always dreamed of having a successful career. I’ve worked my a.. off for this. And honestly, if teenage me could see where I could head towards now, doing work I love, getting recognition, making good money, and even getting to travel - she’d be amazed by the oportunity.. I don’t want to choose between love and ambition. I really care about him and I don’t want to lose what we have. But I also don’t want to say no to something I’ve wanted for so long and then spend years wondering “what if.” AITA for wanting both? LATER EDIT First of all, thank you so much to everyone who took a few minutes of their lives to share their thoughts with me. I know I asked strangers on the internet for advice, but I often feel overwhelmed and stuck in my own head, and your objective perspectives really help bring some clarity… I am sorry I couldnt reply and keep up with all the messages.. I honestly did not expect so many responses omg :o I tried to talk to him and find some kind of middle ground..I explained that it is only four weeks per year abroad, and that I already spoke to my manager to make sure the traveling will not exceed 10 percent of my working time. But now it seems like that is not enough either… He is starting to bring up other issues, not just the traveling. He does not like that I might need to adjust my working hours to match other time zones. While that is partly true, I would still only work 8 hours a day, just maybe on a different schedule once a week. He is also worried about the people I might meet, especially the men. He does not like the idea of me going to dinners with clients. Or sleeping in hotel rooms alone, because he might not be able to join me on each work trip (also he told me he wont accept me going on dinners while he waits for me in the hotel room). He does not like me talking to coworkers during breaks, which is why he insists I call him on every break I get. He gets annoyed if I do not reply to his texts right away or if it takes me 30 minutes to answer. He wants me to send him my calendar daily so he knows exactly when I have meetings. And if I do not let him know about every single work related conversation with men, whether it is with coworkers, suppliers, or trainers, he gets upset and says I am hiding things. He has very strong boundaries when it comes to my work. No becoming friends with male coworkers, which I accepted without issues- cuz anyways I dont socialize at work at all, no casual/funny tone in messages or emails, no emojis, no hanging out after work, no sharing personal numbers with male colleagues unless he agrees with it. Two weeks ago I went to a three day training in another city. I had to commute four hours every day because he did not want me to sleep at a hotel. On the last day, one of the participants suggested making a group chat so we could keep in touch professionally. I forgot to mention it right away, and when I told him the next day, he got mad and made me get up at 1 a m to show him the chat. He is just very jealous when it comes to my professional life. All this because before I met him, one of my coworkers, a man, became a good friend. I had to cut contact and block that person once we got together. And I have never given him any reason to doubt me. Sometimes I feel like giving up everything and just getting a basic job, like working in a supermarket. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I mean quitting the career I love, just so he will finally stop trying to control me. But then I remember how much I love what I do and how lucky I am to have found something I am passionate about. LATER EDIT2: sorry this will be long. For anyone wondering how I didn’t see it until now, I honestly think it was gaslighting. Never thought i would say this but some strangers (some menaing 10 K holy shiiii) made me realize how fucked up my life is. Looking back, here’s the stuff that happened... At first, everything felt amazing. But even in the first couple of months, I noticed he was kinda possessive, but then i thought he was sweet and caring, especially coming from a relationship with a distant, cold, and indifferent boyfriend.. I’ve always had more of an avoidant attachment style, so his need for closeness felt like a lot, but I tried to adjust. He quickly started pushing me away from all my guy friends. Within six months I had blocked literally all of them. We moved in together and he slowly started micro-managing my whole life. When he was at work (13 hours without his phone), he expected me to write him down in our insta convo everything I did - like when I left the house, went to the store, had an appointment, got home .. so he could basically see a full timeline of my day. He got in between me and my family too. Suggested I only visit them while he was working, so I wouldn’t “waste” any of our time together. I had to go everywhere with him, even if it meant sitting in silence while he hung out with a bunch of dudes talking about stuff I had no connection to. He started giving opinions on how I looked. Told me I lost too much weight. Then told me I gained weight. After surgery and a long recovery, he pressured me for three months straight to get back in shape. Wanted us to be a “gym couple” like him. In the first year I wasn’t even “allowed” to go to the gym unless it was with him. He checked and validated my outfits before I left the house. And I dress super modest - more like a old nanny, not at all revealing -but he’d still say certain clothes were too transparent or not appropriate if light hit them a certain way.. Told me I’m too pale and should go to the tanning salon. Told me I dress better at work than at home, and that it bothered him that i get cosy whenever i get home. Then he started getting WAY TOO involved in my job - asked me to share my daily meeting calendar, text him constantly through the day, explain why I go on-site instead of working from home. Told me to only take home office days when he was home. Give him way too much information about who X,Y,Z is, why do I have to work with him, why is anything part of my job, so on... He read my emails, checked my work messages, my work phone, my gallery, contacts - and the same on my personal phone. Always fixated on convos with guys, never with girls. Slowly, he took over all my time. It felt like my entire day belonged to him. I left him twice. Packed my stuff, went back to my parents. And I came back both times. I ve had health issues every couple of months since moving in with him the first time. Before him, I was almost never sick. I have struggled with irritable bowel syndrome, acne, hair loss, 2 warts, an abscessed hair follicle that had to be operated on three times, ear infections, gluten intolerance, gingivitis, candidiasis twice, ovarian cyst infections, and weekly migraines. Honestly, I think my body started screaming what my brain wasn’t ready to accept. GET THE FvCK OUT I AM HURTING I know some of you might judge me more now after reading all this. But please believe me when I say I really didn’t realize what was happening. I thought I was exaggerating. I thought this was just “what relationships are like.” I thought he would change. That he’d see how much it hurt me and try harder. That he’d start appreciating all the compromises. I never imagined someone could manipulate you this deeply while yelling at you, punching walls, throwing water on you (yes this did happen). And yeah, I made a lot of mistakes too. I wasn’t honest with him many times — because I knew the reaction would be explosive. So I hid stuff. I went to the gym without telling him. I vaped and didn’t tell him because he banned from the begging vaping, alcohol and clubbing. I lied and said I had in-person meetings at work just to get a break from the house he was in and leave. I even told him I had a car payment just to avoid explaining where my money for vapes and helping my parents went. And I believed that I deserved all of this because of the lies. I still kinda do. But I know that I want to break this cycle. I want to get better. I want to deserve someone better someday. Because i haven't, and I still don't. So thank you to everyone who’s been messaging me. I haven’t read every single comment, but 99.9% of the ones I did hit me like a slap in the face -in a good way. Each one opened my eyes a little more. So thank you. Fck it, no matter how manipulated you are by a narcissist, when ten thousand strangers tell you to wake up... you do. Now I see things clearer. Tomorrow I have a session with my therapist — the same one we saw in couples therapy. She knows the dynamic. We're going to work on a safe exit plan. I’m scared, but I know this has to end. submitted by /u/ThrowRAxbx to r/AITAH [link] [comments]
reddit.com ThrowRAxbx May 17, 2025
Why do men prefer the “just got out of bed and didn’t have time to brush my hair” look more, than when you’ve put in the effort (make up, hair, outfit)?
I’ve (28F) noticed a pattern, where I get approached right after I’ve been in the gym, or have popped out to the shop and have put zero effort in my looks, where as I don’t seem to get the same attention when I have put in effort in make up, outfit and all that. A few of my friends have mentioned they have similar experiences with men, hence my question. I’m curious to hear if other women have had similar experiences. submitted by /u/hrisitouo to r/dating_advice [link] [comments]
reddit.com hrisitouo Apr 1, 2025
How can I be less appealing to men at the gym?
Sorry if these types of posts are a little stereotypical, It's just a genuine problem I've been facing recently. So, I'm a gym girl, I really like to spend my free time at the gym doing cardio. I have no interests for actual muscles so I typically stick to cardio and that sort of thing to stay slim. I sweat a lot so it's pretty much a requirement for me to wear dedicated gym clothes while going to the gym, so a basic sports bra, gym shorts, airpods, and a towel I keep around my neck. I thought this was pretty modest gym attire.. I mean, it's not really that much, I feel like it's a pretty average outfit for girls to wear to the gym as I see other girls wearing similar clothes all the time. However, at the gym, which mine is Anytime Fitness, the men just seem to absolutely eat it up. Maybe I'm a bit paranoid since I'm an introvert and simply going into the gym can cause anxiety for me when I'm not on my meds, but it seems like I get so many stares from creepy men. It's never men my age, it's always older men I see staring at me. The worst part of this is that occasionally, maybe about once every 2-3 months, a man will try to do something inappropriate like take a picture of me from behind. Just a couple weeks ago, a really kind woman informed me a guy had taken a picture of me and pointed to him, so I had to build up the courage to tell a staff member about it, which they promptly checked the security footage and revoked his membership. But this stuff happens way too often, and it makes me really uncomfortable. It's like something about just an average looking woman like myself wearing gym clothes activates something in men's minds, I hate it. Has anyone dealt with stuff like this before? How did you stop it from happening, if you did? Should I wear thicker clothes and just face the consequences of nearly overheating every time I work out, or maybe fork over the money for an at-home gym? I don't know what to do, and eventually I'm going to reach my tipping point. For privacy sake, I won't post a picture, but people seeing this who I've talked to before or people who are verified in places are free to ask for one so you can get a better idea of my outfit, so you can recommend alternatives that don't change the style of it too much while keeping more men away. I really hate that I even have to make this post, why can't all men just be civil creatures? submitted by /u/ExoticWillpower to r/actuallesbians [link] [comments]
reddit.com ExoticWillpower Nov 13, 2024
My (36f) husband (33m) hasn’t been physical with me in two years! I’m running out of patience. Where to go from here?
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwra_nointerest Originally posted to r/relationship_advice My (36f) husband (33m) hasn’t been physical with me in two years! I’m running out of patience. Where to go from here? Trigger Warnings: infidelity, betrayal Original Post: October 8, 2024 Throwaway for obvious reasons. I’m 36 and my husband is 33. We’ve been together ten years and have no kids. We got married after two years together. A couple of years ago he just seemed to completely lose interest in me physically. Nothing has changed in our lives, neither of us have put weight on, there’s been no change in jobs or our home life that has put stress on us to make him lose interest. I don’t think he’s cheating as he still leaves for work and comes home at the same time. Once a week either he goes to his friends or his friend comes round to ours for a gaming night where they order takeaway and play FIFA. I’m at a complete loss. I’ve tried talking to him numerous times and he just says things like “all men aren’t the same and want constant sex” or “as you get older your sex drive slows down I can’t help it”. I’ve suggested therapy either individual or alone. I said I’d pay as I earn a lot more than him but he says he doesn’t need it. I’ve tried booking romantic weekends away, he has a good time then just goes to sleep. I’ve bought sexy outfits and tried to entice him, I’ve work clothes and had my hair the way he likes it, I’ve even said to him “if you don’t want to have sex that’s fine but can I just give you blowjobs instead?” He said he’s fine but thanks. I’ve even offered him a threesome with another woman but he said no. Our anniversary was last week and I made him his favourite dinner, ran him a bath, gave him a naked oily massage and I could see it was obvious he enjoyed it but once I’d finished the massage he just got under the duvet, turned his back to me and put this headphones in watching something on his phone! I just laid next to him crying. This Saturday just gone I went out for a friends birthday. We were in the queue waiting to get in to a club when the guy behind me started stroking my ass. At first I thought it was just the hustle and bustle of the queue but then I felt both hands squeezing my ass. I’m so ashamed but it felt amazing! I never turned around and looked at the guy to see who he was but I was backing up in to him on purpose letting him feel me up. When I got home I felt such a mixture of glee and guilt. Then I got sad that this is what it’s come to, I’m that lacking in physical touch I enjoyed a creepy stranger! Is giving my husband an ultimatum on couples and/or individual therapy a good idea? I feel like I’ve exhausted every other avenue and he just carries on oblivious to my needs. It’s been two years since we last did more than kiss. I’m desperate. TLDR: husband hasn’t touched me in two years. I need things to get better. Relevant Comments OOP needs to have serious conversations with her husband to work on their unresolving issues OOP: I’ve tried all sorts of conversations. I’ve been calm, I’ve been angry, I’ve been rational, I’ve been unrational. I bet I’ve brought this up 20 times and he just keeps denying there’s a problem. Has OOP’s husband been dealing with health issues that might affect the sex drive? OOP: He’s an incredibly fit guy who takes his health very serious so I know it’s not a weight or fitness issue but he hasn’t been for blood tests or anything that I know of. + He takes both seriously. He eats very well and does a lot of running, cycling and swimming but also does a lot of weight lifting. + I’ve told him to go to the doctors loads of times but he says he’s fine.   Update: October 14, 2024 I posted here last week and spoke to him about counselling and everything else the next day. He still wasn’t feeling it and said he doesn’t need it, he’s happy, doesn’t need sex and feels no need to have to go to someone else to tell him he’s normal. After hearing this I thought I’ll keep asking and trying to talk to him for another month and then if things aren’t different I’ll tell him I’m leaving. On Saturday though it all came to head. I walked from the bathroom to our bedroom naked after my shower as I’d forgotten my clothes. He was still in bed and as I walked in the room he blatantly tried to cover his eyes. It broke me. I ran out of the room and started crying in the bathroom. It was so upsetting. I cried for maybe two hours as all the hurt feelings and rejections of the last couple of years washed over me. He eventually came in to see me to ask if I was ok. I said no. He asked why. I told him I needed an answer in the next five minutes or I’m packing my stuff and leaving. I said whatever the answer is we can work through it but for my own sanity I need to know. He didn’t say anything so I asked if he was gay or bi. He again didn’t say anything so I said to him if he is or he’s curious I’d be willing to let him explore that side of his sexuality and see what he prefers at the end of it. He kind of nodded and I thought I finally had my answer. Then he gave me the actual answer. He wasn’t gay. Hed cheated on me two years ago. And not just with anyone. It was a much younger popular gym girl off Instagram. He shown me all the messages. He met her on a night out two years ago. She was in our town for a weekend for a hen do. She was 20 at the time. He recognised her and introduced himself as being a fan of hers. He goes to the gym everyday and I go maybe four times a week. I even follow her as she does great workouts and I’ve even copied some of her routines. He said he showed her that he followed her and she instantly followed him back. They went their separate ways and then later on that night she sent him a message and it was her hotel name and room number. I saw it with my own eyes that was the first message between them both. He said he went to her room and had sex with her. Then the next night he made an excuse around midnight to go out and help his friend who had broke down and they met up again and had sex in his car. Then the next morning he said he was going out on his bike and he said they met at a park near his hotel and they had sex again half an hour before she had to leave. She was asking for his number at this point in the messages but he was saying he can’t because of his wife and she replied saying she knows how to be discreet. I remember this weekend! I remember the night out he didn’t get in until 5am and I was so happy he’d had a good night out as he had been under a lot of stress at work. I remember his friend breaking down and him going out to rescue him as I helped him dig the jumper cables and tow rope out of the cupboard and even made him a flask of tea to keep him warm! He says that they haven’t met since then and their messages on Instagram seem to confirm it as she’s messaged him a few time saying she wishes they could meet again. It always her who initiates conversations. One message was very descriptive of what she wants to do to him and that was sent less than a month ago so he must’ve made an impression on her. I asked why if he only had a weekend of sex with her he hasn’t touched me since. He said that after being with someone “so perfect” he can’t get hard for me anymore. I sat there heartbroken and felt like I’d been stabbed in the heart when he said that. Then he wouldn’t stop. She’s young so her body was tight. Her tits are big but pert, her ass is big but tight, she has no stretch marks, her skin is perfect, her body is fully shaven. I felt so numb and like a fat ugly naked troll. I was too numb to even cry. I just sat there and then asked him to leave him alone which he did. Neither of us have spoke to each other since Saturday morning. I don’t know what to do. Do I leave? Do I work on myself to make myself attractive to him again? I think I should leave but it seems a shame to throw it all away for a weekend of sex. Sound ridiculous but even though my confidence and my self esteem has been shattered I actually feel better for finally having an answer. TLDR: husband hasn’t had sex with me for two years. Found out it’s because he cheated on me with a younger gym influencer and now he doesn’t find me attractive. Relevant Comments OOP needs to leave her husband after learning what happened OOP: He admitted that he can’t even watch porn anymore because it’s not as good as the memory of a weekend with her. You are right I need to leave. + It’s stupid but I feel bad leaving him. I earn a lot more than him and he wouldn’t be able to live by himself if we split up but at the same time why am I paying for someone’s comfort who doesn’t respect me or want me? I need to grow a backbone. + I hate how this has made me feel because until he stopped touching me I’ve always been pretty happy with the way I looked. Now I can’t even look in a mirror. When I have a shower I cover the mirror in the bathroom. I’ve got mirrors wardrobes in my bedroom and I leave the doors open so I don’t see myself. I am going to divorce him. Feeling like this isn’t normal and it’s his fault. OOP on getting a lawyer and document everything including screenshots of the messages OOP: I sent myself screenshots of everything.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
reddit.com Choice_Evidence1983 Oct 21, 2024
[New Update]: AITA for refusing to help a girl in gym unless she stops recording me?
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/tw-gymhelp12312 Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole & r/AITAH BoRU #1 [New Update]: AITA for refusing to help a girl in gym unless she stops recording me? NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: possible public humiliation RECAP Original Post (rareddit): July 1, 2024 I think I acted a rudely with a girl in the gym and wanted to get opinions on if I was the AH in this situation. I (41M) go to the gym early morning around 5.30am. There are generally very few people that come to the gym at that time. There is a girl (early 20s) that also comes to the gym at the same time. We always say hello to each other and have a small talk between our sets. She comes in early because the gym is empty, and she likes to record herself working out as she wants to be a fitness influencer or something. She seems dedicated and we know each other for at least a year. Today morning, as I was working out, she came to me and asked for help. She was very excited and told me that she wanted to go for a PR on barbell squat. She asked me if I could spot her as she was not confident if she would be able to do it. I said ok as this is not the most uncommon thing. For people who are unfamiliar, this is an exercise where you carry a barbell with weights on your back and perform a squat. The spotter has to stand behind the person and support the person in case they fail to get up. As she was getting ready, I saw her phone in the corner and asked her if I can be off-camera or if she can stop recording. She said she really wanted to record herself doing it, and I will look good on camera. I told her that I really do not want to be on camera as my wife or coworkers may watch the video if she posts it online and may not look good for me. Another reason that I did not tell her was that she was wearing a very revealing outfit (small sports bra and tight shorts) and I really did not feel comfortable being recorded standing behind her. She promised me that she will record it for herself, and not post the video. However, I just did not want to be recorded. I told her that I really feel uncomfortable, and if she waits for 30 minutes, one of the trainers may be able to help her. She became really upset and asked me why I am making the situation weird. She accused me of sexualizing her. She asked me if she was a man, would I have done it? I felt she had a point as I have done it for other people. I told her that I would be ok doing it, but I just don't want to be recorded doing it. She again went on a rant about me body shaming her and me being uncomfortable with her perfectly fine outfit. I felt bad that I upset her as she was just trying to workout. I have also asked people to spot me in past, and people always helped. However, I just did not want to be recorded. Am I the AH to refuse to spot her because she was recording it? I don't want her to feel that it was because of her clothes, or because she is a girl. However, as a married man, I need to observe some boundaries and really don't want to be recorded in that way with a girl half my age. I am also worried that she recorded our whole conversation and may post it online. I do not know what I should do in this situation and am a bit worried. VERDICT: REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED Relevant Comments ashleydawn419: NTA. People who are pointing out the line of how you think it would look inappropriate if a coworker or wife saw you aren’t familiar with lifting. If she reached failure it would absolutely look bad on you, because people don’t understand what spotting and having to assist with squats looks like. OOP: That was exactly what went thru my mind. Plus, who knows what commentary someone can put on top of those videos to make it go viral.   Update #1: July 19, 2024 I had posted on a different forum three weeks ago, about me refusing to help a girl in the gym for spotting her barbell squat because she was recording us. I did not think it will blow up so much, that my wife got this story on her Tictok. What happened after was pretty unexpected and my life is a bit absurd right now. I was worried that she would post our conversation about me refusing her help online and show me as the bad guy. I told my wife about the conversation, and she said that she has seen posts where young girls do add nasty voiceovers and make men my age look like creeps for views. My wife told me that I should just complain to the gym management about her for recording me without my consent, just to get ahead of things. When I went to the gym next week, I saw her again. I tried to keep my distance, but she kept on smiling at me. As I finished my sets, she came to me and asked me if we could talk. She wanted to apologize for her behavior from the previous day and how it was wrong of her to assume that I would be ok with her recording me. It was a pleasant surprise, as I was not expecting that. I told her that it was ok, and I just don't like to be recorded in general. She followed me outside and continued the conversation. She asked me how long I have been working out and I could advice her on her form. I told her that there are some really good personal trainers in the gym I could recommend to her, but she told me that she is fun-employed and cannot afford them. She told me she will buy me a coffee if I can give her some pointers. At this point, I felt I was just being rude and told her sure and we went to a nearby coffee shop. Her name is Haley. She graduated last year, moved back to her mom's house and is looking for a job. She was very chubby last year and wants to look like the Tictok fitness models and is trying hard to get in shape. We had a nice conversation, and I was able to help her with some of her questions. She already knew my name and asked me if my wife would be ok if she follows me on Instagram. I told her that the main purpose of that account is for my wife to spy on my friend's lives, so I generally don't use it. She asked me if I use Snapchat and I had to remind her that I am twice her age. This is where it got crazy. When I came home, I told my wife about what happened. My wife loves her Reels and Tictok and wanted to see if she ever posted the video from previous week. I only knew that her first name was Haley and how she looked and told my wife about it. When I came back from work in the evening, my wife was already home and sitting on the sofa. She was grinning ear-to-ear and told me to immediately sit next to her. Apparently, this girl had been posing about me and calling me her gym crush for the last two months. My face is blurred out in all the videos. A lot of videos were her sitting in her car every morning and making up completely fictional romantic stories about our interactions. Each video had like 100+ likes, which my wife says is not a lot, but feels like a lot. She had posted some videos of us just passing each other and smiling, or our conversation where I was telling her to stop recording, with voiceover about how I approached her in the gym and complimented her body. There was a video from that morning about her coming to me while I was packing up, with her saying how I asked her out for a coffee. She is just making up fictional romantic bullshit for getting likes, and people were commenting and cheering for her. There were also other videos of her working out and posing in the gym locker room. My wife was laughing uncontrollably about how big of a sucker I am and how I am internet famous now. I told her this needs to stop, but my wife insisted that she is too invested in the drama now and wants to see what happens next. She said that this girl is really young, and just trying to establish herself and get more followers. Plus, she has not done anything inappropriate and is not showing my face in the videos. My wife just wants me to play along and see what crazy Haley does next. So, for the last 2 weeks, I have been going to the gym, talking to her every day and my wife keeps me updated on what story she came up with for the day. We go for a coffee every Wednesday and I am mentoring her about nutrition and what she should focus on, to the best of my abilities. It's all a game for my wife, and I do want Haley to succeed as long as she does not cross a line. However, the whole thing feels really crazy, and I am too old to deal with this shit. I am not sure how long I can keep up with the act. Her behavior seems innocent, but also, I am getting a bit uncomfortable with the whole thing now. Relevant Comments Did the girl know OOP is married? OOP: Yes. She knows I am married. I wear my ring in the gym, and also I talk about my wife all the time to her. I also feel it's a bit weird for a 22-year-old person to make up stories. My wife feels she is just using me as an NPC in her fiction to gain more viewers and create drama. We discussed about it, and she told me about how some girls just make up stories about bad first dates on Tictok as it gets them a lot of views. My wife feels it's weird, but I need to see the humor in this situation. At least its entertaining and she wants to know where her story goes next. What was all about in the coffee discussion? OOP: What are the coffee discussions like? It seems weird for her to do that if it is just for TikTok attention, it's easier for her to make stuff up. The coffee discussions are very fitness oriented, and she genuinely has legit questions. We do discuss stuff about our lives (mostly hers) and she shares her struggles in getting job and life in general for a Gen Z person. However, she has never said anything inappropriate. I feel she must have had some footage of me passing her and smiling and greeting her and just used that in her edits. Editor’s note: NPC is non-player character   ----NEW UPDATE---- Last Update: July 31, 2024 I wrote a post a month ago regarding a Haley, a girl at my gym asking me to spot her and me refusing to do it because she was recording me. The post blew up and I wrote an update where I told my wife, and she found out that Haley was just making up fictional stories about me being her gym crush for likes. My wife loves her TikTok drama and asked me to continue as it is, as she found Haley's posts harmless and very amusing. Those posts blew up and the last week have been crazy. First of all, all you guys are assholes. There were thousands of comments on my posts, and not one of you told me that these Reddit posts are posted on TikTok. There were few people who did dramatic readings of my post on TikTok last week, and millions of people saw it. One of them being my wife. I thought I was just venting here in anonymity about Haley and my wife. On Saturday morning, my wife came to me and asked me if I posted my story on Reddit. I asked her how she knows, because she never uses Reddit. She showed me some person doing a dramatic reading of the story. She was just giddy and asked me if it was really me posting the story. I told her yes and she just lost it. She was just laughing at how I was being so dramatic talking about a very funny situation. Moreover, most of the TikTok commenters were cheering my wife and I have never seen my wife being so happy since our wedding. We had a bunch of my friends invited for barbeque party that evening and my wife was also telling me about my reddit post and showing them the TikTok (at this point multiple channels had posted it). Everyone was making fun of Haley's posts and teasing me. My friends even enacted what spotting a barbell squat looks like for their wives, and what happens when the person squatting fails. I really started feeling bad for Haley, as everyone was just making fun of her and her videos. I felt that we had taken things too far, and she did not deserve this kind of ridicule. I told my wife that night that I am going to tell Haley that we know about her videos the next time we meet as I feel we are just being mean to her at this point. My wife again started grinning and showed me the TikTok comments. Apparently, a lot of people had already started snooping around TikTok and found a bunch of Haleys posting about their gym crush and "my" Haley was one of them. Haley had not responded to any of the comments but had promptly deleted all her recent videos. I was horrified as a lot of people were accusing her of being a home wreaker and to stay away from married men. I felt so embarrassed, that I just felt like I wanted to bury my face and disappear. All I wanted was quick feedback on Reddit, and never meant for all this to happen. As days went on, more and more people viewed the video, and Haley was still getting lot of comments. My wife told me last night that almost 5 million people saw those videos. I really did not want to face Haley anymore and could not get myself to go to the gym for the last two days. Yesterday evening, Haley messaged me and asked me if I still plan to have coffee with her today, and my wife told me to just talk to her as she also might also be feeling bad. My wife felt Haley was just doing childish things because she is a child, and I should apologize to her for causing her all the stress. I went to the gym today, and to say that things were awkward between us at the start was an understatement. After my workout was done, Haley and I walked to a coffee shop nearby and had a chat. Before I could apologize to her, she started profusely apologizing to me for posting inappropriate posts about me on TikTok. She said that she was just having fun, and it was like a joke between all her friends. She told me that only her friends and family follow her, and she was just making up fun stories to entertain them. She didn't mean for it to blowup and for so many people to see them. She told me that she woke up this weekend and suddenly her TikTok had hundreds of views, likes and messages. She was confused and checked, and everyone was commenting on her videos calling her a home wreaker and "crazy Haley". She realized that I had posted a Reddit story because of some comments, and immediately felt embarrassed because she learned that my wife and I knew about her posting stuff about me. She deleted all her recent videos, but people seem to be still finding her somehow and messaging her on her older posts. Also, her friends messaged saw what was happening, and she had to explain to her mom that she was not dating a married man. I also apologized to her and told her I did not know that Reddit posts blow up on TikTok and was just worried I offended her when I did not spot her the other day. She was surprised that I did not know that about TikTok, as it seems to be fairly common. I told her that my wife found her content funny, and so she asked me not to tell her, my wife felt she was talented and working so hard on her fitness to be an influencer. At the end, we just laughed about the situation. She told me that she always wanted to know how it would be to be internet famous and enjoyed her 15 minutes of fame. Seems that things are back to normal, and she has promised she will find another gym crush and we will continue being friends. Finally, I just wanted to ask everyone to not go and find Haley on TikTok and let her be. Please do not harass any Haleys on the internet because of me. I am not going to disclose who the real one, so just stop harassing all Haleys. They are not home wreakers, and just young kids. Relevant Comments Revolutionary-Sea246: A long winded advertisement for Haley on Tik Tok. OOP: She is enjoying her new fame. Material_Cellist4133: Is it weird that I still hope OP emotionally cheats on his wife with Haley…since I find his wife repulsive with the way she behaves… OOP: One of the reasons why my wife finds it funny, and not suspicious is because she knows me too well. Cheating and stuff just sounds like a lot of work to me TBH. I am lucky to have a great wife and would love to keep it that way. Imaginary-Yak-6487: If the roles were reversed they’d be calling the guy a creep & a perv. I thought this was creepy & pervy of the girl.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
reddit.com Choice_Evidence1983 Aug 7, 2024
AITA for refusing to help a girl in gym unless she stops recording me?
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/tw-gymhelp12312 Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole & r/AITAH AITA for refusing to help a girl in gym unless she stops recording me? Original Post (rareddit): July 1, 2024 I think I acted a rudely with a girl in the gym and wanted to get opinions on if I was the AH in this situation. I (41M) go to the gym early morning around 5.30am. There are generally very few people that come to the gym at that time. There is a girl (early 20s) that also comes to the gym at the same time. We always say hello to each other and have a small talk between our sets. She comes in early because the gym is empty, and she likes to record herself working out as she wants to be a fitness influencer or something. She seems dedicated and we know each other for at least a year. Today morning, as I was working out, she came to me and asked for help. She was very excited and told me that she wanted to go for a PR on barbell squat. She asked me if I could spot her as she was not confident if she would be able to do it. I said ok as this is not the most uncommon thing. For people who are unfamiliar, this is an exercise where you carry a barbell with weights on your back and perform a squat. The spotter has to stand behind the person and support the person in case they fail to get up. As she was getting ready, I saw her phone in the corner and asked her if I can be off-camera or if she can stop recording. She said she really wanted to record herself doing it, and I will look good on camera. I told her that I really do not want to be on camera as my wife or coworkers may watch the video if she posts it online and may not look good for me. Another reason that I did not tell her was that she was wearing a very revealing outfit (small sports bra and tight shorts) and I really did not feel comfortable being recorded standing behind her. She promised me that she will record it for herself, and not post the video. However, I just did not want to be recorded. I told her that I really feel uncomfortable, and if she waits for 30 minutes, one of the trainers may be able to help her. She became really upset and asked me why I am making the situation weird. She accused me of sexualizing her. She asked me if she was a man, would I have done it? I felt she had a point as I have done it for other people. I told her that I would be ok doing it, but I just don't want to be recorded doing it. She again went on a rant about me body shaming her and me being uncomfortable with her perfectly fine outfit. I felt bad that I upset her as she was just trying to workout. I have also asked people to spot me in past, and people always helped. However, I just did not want to be recorded. Am I the AH to refuse to spot her because she was recording it? I don't want her to feel that it was because of her clothes, or because she is a girl. However, as a married man, I need to observe some boundaries and really don't want to be recorded in that way with a girl half my age. I am also worried that she recorded our whole conversation and may post it online. I do not know what I should do in this situation and am a bit worried. VERDICT: REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED Relevant Comments ashleydawn419: NTA. People who are pointing out the line of how you think it would look inappropriate if a coworker or wife saw you aren’t familiar with lifting. If she reached failure it would absolutely look bad on you, because people don’t understand what spotting and having to assist with squats looks like. OOP: That was exactly what went thru my mind. Plus, who knows what commentary someone can put on top of those videos to make it go viral.   Update: July 19, 2024 I had posted on a different forum three weeks ago, about me refusing to help a girl in the gym for spotting her barbell squat because she was recording us. I did not think it will blow up so much, that my wife got this story on her Tictok. What happened after was pretty unexpected and my life is a bit absurd right now. I was worried that she would post our conversation about me refusing her help online and show me as the bad guy. I told my wife about the conversation, and she said that she has seen posts where young girls do add nasty voiceovers and make men my age look like creeps for views. My wife told me that I should just complain to the gym management about her for recording me without my consent, just to get ahead of things. When I went to the gym next week, I saw her again. I tried to keep my distance, but she kept on smiling at me. As I finished my sets, she came to me and asked me if we could talk. She wanted to apologize for her behavior from the previous day and how it was wrong of her to assume that I would be ok with her recording me. It was a pleasant surprise, as I was not expecting that. I told her that it was ok, and I just don't like to be recorded in general. She followed me outside and continued the conversation. She asked me how long I have been working out and I could advice her on her form. I told her that there are some really good personal trainers in the gym I could recommend to her, but she told me that she is fun-employed and cannot afford them. She told me she will buy me a coffee if I can give her some pointers. At this point, I felt I was just being rude and told her sure and we went to a nearby coffee shop. Her name is Haley. She graduated last year, moved back to her mom's house and is looking for a job. She was very chubby last year and wants to look like the Tictok fitness models and is trying hard to get in shape. We had a nice conversation, and I was able to help her with some of her questions. She already knew my name and asked me if my wife would be ok if she follows me on Instagram. I told her that the main purpose of that account is for my wife to spy on my friend's lives, so I generally don't use it. She asked me if I use Snapchat and I had to remind her that I am twice her age. This is where it got crazy. When I came home, I told my wife about what happened. My wife loves her Reels and Tictok and wanted to see if she ever posted the video from previous week. I only knew that her first name was Haley and how she looked and told my wife about it. When I came back from work in the evening, my wife was already home and sitting on the sofa. She was grinning ear-to-ear and told me to immediately sit next to her. Apparently, this girl had been posing about me and calling me her gym crush for the last two months. My face is blurred out in all the videos. A lot of videos were her sitting in her car every morning and making up completely fictional romantic stories about our interactions. Each video had like 100+ likes, which my wife says is not a lot, but feels like a lot. She had posted some videos of us just passing each other and smiling, or our conversation where I was telling her to stop recording, with voiceover about how I approached her in the gym and complimented her body. There was a video from that morning about her coming to me while I was packing up, with her saying how I asked her out for a coffee. She is just making up fictional romantic bullshit for getting likes, and people were commenting and cheering for her. There were also other videos of her working out and posing in the gym locker room. My wife was laughing uncontrollably about how big of a sucker I am and how I am internet famous now. I told her this needs to stop, but my wife insisted that she is too invested in the drama now and wants to see what happens next. She said that this girl is really young, and just trying to establish herself and get more followers. Plus, she has not done anything inappropriate and is not showing my face in the videos. My wife just wants me to play along and see what crazy Haley does next. So, for the last 2 weeks, I have been going to the gym, talking to her every day and my wife keeps me updated on what story she came up with for the day. We go for a coffee every Wednesday and I am mentoring her about nutrition and what she should focus on, to the best of my abilities. It's all a game for my wife, and I do want Haley to succeed as long as she does not cross a line. However, the whole thing feels really crazy, and I am too old to deal with this shit. I am not sure how long I can keep up with the act. Her behavior seems innocent, but also, I am getting a bit uncomfortable with the whole thing now. Relevant Comments Did the girl know OOP is married? OOP: Yes. She knows I am married. I wear my ring in the gym, and also I talk about my wife all the time to her. I also feel it's a bit weird for a 22-year-old person to make up stories. My wife feels she is just using me as an NPC in her fiction to gain more viewers and create drama. We discussed about it, and she told me about how some girls just make up stories about bad first dates on Tictok as it gets them a lot of views. My wife feels it's weird, but I need to see the humor in this situation. At least its entertaining and she wants to know where her story goes next. What was all about in the coffee discussion? OOP: What are the coffee discussions like? It seems weird for her to do that if it is just for TikTok attention, it's easier for her to make stuff up. The coffee discussions are very fitness oriented, and she genuinely has legit questions. We do discuss stuff about our lives (mostly hers) and she shares her struggles in getting job and life in general for a Gen Z person. However, she has never said anything inappropriate. I feel she must have had some footage of me passing her and smiling and greeting her and just used that in her edits. Editor’s note: NPC is non-player character   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
reddit.com Choice_Evidence1983 Jul 26, 2024
My 21f boyfriend 24m told me that I'll "deserve it" if I go out in a revealing outfit.
Me and my boyfriend James fake name have been dating for around 3 years. He's usually an incredible boyfriend. The other night I dressed up to join my friends at a party hosted by our mutual friend whom we recently befriended. When James saw my outfit, which was a skirt a little above my knees and one of those backless crop tops, he told me that I can't wear that because I'm taken and I should dress like it. We got into a fight that ended with him yelling "Don't you dare come to me crying like a bitch when you get raped. You'll deserve it!" And he slammed the door when I walked out. The party was great and a few guys did approach me but I rejected them with no problems and overall had lots of fun and an amazing time. A lot of people complimented my outfit and said that I looked sexy. Which made me a little sad inside at the end because I wanted to hear that from James my boyfriend. But maybe he was just temporarily jealous? Maybe all it was was just a phase and once he understands that I will continue to dress however I want to..... he'll accept it? Edit. For those saying that I crave male attention, first of all I wore that outfit because I wanted to feel sexy and good for myself. Secondly, most or actually majority of the people who complimented me were women and gay men. Just because I choose to wear revealing outfits doesn't mean I'm doing it for male attention. Not everything that we women do revolves around men. Also, I'd like to add, James has shown similar bouts of jealousy over the years, but they've all been temporary in the sense that they would fade away. He has never called me a bitch before though and never said anything even close as cruel as what he said that night. I am contemplating on breaking up with him, but it's really hard for me because 3 years is a lot. I feel like I need to add another edit. I've dressed up in sexy outfits for years, including when my boyfriend met me. It was one of the things that attracted him to me. What I find funny, based on the comments saying that I shouldn't dress like a slut and I should respect my boyfriend, if a woman told her boyfriend or husband that he should stop wearing his hair a certain way or stop wearing attractive clothing that will make him look hot to other women, she would be controlling, no? Shouldn't a good partner trust their partner to be faithful? My boyfriend has been wearing whatever he wants, which includes working out half naked at the gym and also wearing "revealing" clothes for a man while revealing comments from other women and have I ever once told him "You know what. You must stop being half naked and put on a wool sweater because I find it disrespectful"? NO. Okay, another thing I need to clarify. The mutual friend was mutual to me and my friend group, not to me and my boyfriend. I should have made that clear. Okay, hopefully this will be my last edit. A man has every right to want a partner who dresses "classy". However, he can choose a partner who ALREADY dresses in classy clothing all the time such as Ralph Lauren and Banana Republic, but I'm pretty sure that even that type of woman will still wear a sexy backless Versace dress from time to time. What a man shouldn't do is get a woman and force her to change the way she dresses. What do they say? "A man will pursue a beautiful woman and put her in a cage". And while I'm writing this, I'm coming to the realization that maybe I shouldn't spend more time with a man who can't accept me for who I am and the way I dress even if I already spent 3 years of my life with him. submitted by /u/throwracat25 to r/TwoHotTakes [link] [comments]
reddit.com throwracat25 Jul 23, 2023
The NFL needs to pay the cheerleaders more. Sincerely, an NFL cheerleader.
(I went over the rules to ensure this is under the guidelines, feel free to remove if it is not.) Final edit: I'm glad I was able to ignite some dialogue around this topic and share insight into what pro cheerleading is like. I'm going against the majority opinion here which on its own is not an issue, but on Reddit means I can't functionally engage with people as all my attempts to do so are downvoted and harder for others to read and follow, so I'm no longer responding to comments. Thanks to everyone who PM'd support and read what I had to say! I'll end with saying I know my worth, and you don't get anything you don't ask for. Edit: Silver and gold are appreciated, thank you! Edit: there is slight confusion, but I want to clarify since it is the entire point of this post: we are not making $50/hour. That is the number my mom proposed and what I believe could be a decent amount to cover the time and labor this job demands. Throwaway account for obvious reasons. NFL cheerleaders (and NBA dancers) occupy a realm that a lot of people outright ignore, obsess with, or wish to have abolished entirely. If you’ve ever wondered what being invisible and visible at the same time feels like, ask a current or former cheerleader. For example, I found it amusing how shocked people were at how little clothing JLo and Shakira were wearing during the Super Bowl halftime show without bringing any of the same outrage to the cheerleaders who wore similarly skimpy outfits standing on the field for the whole game. When I had the privilege to take my parents to their first regular season game to watch me perform, one of the many things we discussed on the car ride home was the topic of my compensation. I asked my parents what they thought I was paid hourly and without hesitation my mom said $50. Thankfully I was sitting in the back seat of the car so she didn’t see the look of shock on my face. Spoiler alert: NFL cheerleaders are NOT paid $50 an hour, but it would be nice if my mom was in charge of things. As a former NFL cheerleader myself, it truly grinds my gears to see all the arguments against why cheerleaders are pointless, why we don’t deserve to be paid anything, why we aren’t important. Here are my responses to popular arguments against our worth that can hopefully give a better picture of why we are more than deserving of proper compensation for our time and service to the NFL. But I’m not there to watch the cheerleaders, I'm there to watch the game! Maybe on TV you're just focused on the game. But for a few hundred bucks, a lot of fans want more from attending the stadium in person, and franchises know that. I agree that when you go to a football game you’re probably not going to be super concerned with people on the sidelines shaking poms. But we are a part of the game day experience. Football is theater. Every game is a production executed by hundreds of people. Yes, there is a game going on, but during game day there are multiple sponsored challenges, special advertised food at the food court, and yes, dancing by attractive women. Perhaps you really are there to watch the game, but when the game is paused (which in football, there are a lot of pauses), there's gotta be other stuff to make it worthwhile and keep your attention. But not everybody gets to go to games or even watch them. Perhaps money, health, being stationed overseas, or some other reason keeps them away from experiencing game day in person. Cheerleaders are also community ambassadors and attend a variety of local events, hospitals, and charitable organizations in the team’s local area. We even travel to army bases to remind military members of home. For some people, meeting an NFL cheerleader is the closest they will get to meeting a member of their favorite NFL franchise. That means a lot to fans. As ambassadors of a franchise, our pay should reflect the value of the time we put into being present for fans in the community on behalf of the franchise while players are busy traveling or resting in off season. Football players are professional athletes. They deserve that salary. NFL cheerleaders are contractually obligated to attend strenuous rehearsals and learn a large amount of choreography for months leading up to preseason and all throughout regular season for games and potential outside events, maintain physical fitness and their appearance at a professional level, and perform to near perfection on a professional stage in a professional sporting league. If that’s doesn’t make us professional athletes I don’t know what does. I don’t speak for all cheerleaders, but I have spent more than a decade of my life in dance training. I worked hard to get to this point and to make it to this level of dance. Unfortunately, we aren’t protected in the ways athletes are protected, with health insurance, dietitians, and injury prevention. That is a whole other argument, but it stands to reason that objectively cheerleaders at the NFL level are professional athletes. When you think of what a professional athlete earns and the typical salary of an NFL cheerleader, it doesn’t add up in a major way. Nobody cares about the cheerleaders, why bother paying them more or even having them? Being an NFL cheerleader is a position of prestige, status, and notoriety. If nobody cares about NFL cheerleaders, why is it considered impressive to date one? There is a public and cultural perception of NFL cheerleaders that we should be able to capitalize on, since others have. If anything ever happens to me that enters the news cycle, I’m certain the headline will include something about me being an NFL cheerleader in order to generate more clicks. More clicks = more money. That’s how status works. In addition, thousands of women (and now some men) have tried out to be a cheerleader and few make it onto the squad. Whether you like it or not, it’s something that people still aspire to do, and for good reason! The rush of game day, getting a front row seat to the action, it’s truly an amazing opportunity. But, it’s also a ton of hard work to make it to the sidelines of one of the most valuable sport franchises in the world. Maybe you don’t care personally about cheerleaders, but there are a ton of people that do. Just like how minor league baseball players don’t make as much as major league players, our salaries should be reflective of the prestige and status we’ve worked to earn. They don’t care about the money, they’re there because they want to be there. They auditioned, it’s a willing choice. You chose to be at your job, right? You decided to interview and you got the job and now you’re at your desk, so should you not get paid? Does liking a job render it unable to generate income? Does standing in the drastic heat or cold (depending on it your stadium is open or not), performing and making memories for thousands of high paying fans and having fun while doing it make us ineligible to be paid appropriately? As you can tell, I don’t like this argument because it assumes we aren’t aware of what we’re getting ourselves into. Yes, we know we aren’t paid as much and we still try out. That doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to be fairly compensated and voice our concerns about it. Perhaps the optics of cheerleaders demanding more pay will change now that men are joining our ranks, but the fact that I even have to say that is a problem. As an industry that is dominated by millennial and Gen X women, we deserve more pay. We work hard, we are worth so much, and we’re not going anywhere. Edit: Appreciate the responses, going to try my best to reply to the ones that address similar points only once so I’m not repeating myself. If anything, I hope I gave some more insight into what goes into the job! Edit again: Saw a lot of comments rightfully point out that without including my pay, it’s hard to know whether or not we should get more, so I’m adding it here for more people to see. For my team, we were paid hourly, slightly above minimum wage (between $3-6 above, I can’t be more specific than this without giving away anonymity) You got a dollar additional on that rate depending on your tenure and also if you were a captain or some other position above others on the team that season. Practices were paid (bi weekly for my team), promos paid, games paid. Any travel was covered. All uniforms were free but you had to pay to replace them and wash on your own (I have heard that some teams make their cheerleaders pay for their uniforms so this isn’t industry wide). Sponsors offset some of the beauty costs, but not much. For my team, we had gym memberships covered, discounted salon costs (hair, nails), some discounts on select makeup brands. Apparently this is rare in the league so most cheerleaders aren’t even getting these benefits while having to use them to maintain their appearance. Edit: Wow! We’re at the point where I’m not feasibly able to respond to everyone. Appreciate all of you who read this, whether or not you agree. I’m a little overwhelmed with all the comments and can’t respond to them all, but I’ve tried to the find the ones with similar ideas and give a response. Please know I am one cheerleader with one experience (that I’m unable to be very specific about without breaking anonymity!) Thank you! submitted by /u/pomsaway to r/nfl [link] [comments]
reddit.com pomsaway Mar 4, 2020