Summer Outfits For Men

... tights, tastefully incorporated into our outfits, the more others will try... with. Sort of a casual summer GQ style. I enjoy incorporating.... It's a simple addition to outfits that are already a part ... think the years of cramming men into the man box and...

... versatile touch, suitable for various outfits and occasions. Constructed from 100... both men and women. The cap is part of the Spring/Summer...

... well with a variety of outfits. For those concerned with maintenance... for adult men and are particularly suited for the spring and summer seasons. The...

... home from college, but her summer job hadn't started yet, so... large, animated, intoxicated, loud, jovial men...a Brit and a Scot... starts to class up. The outfits become more stylish and the ...

... influence parties? I know your outfits would eat." Thank you so... guess you mean in men. I have flags of men all around my room... don't have a type in men looks wise. But my type ... week. But even in the summer, we don't go to the ... to the beach again this summer because it's honestly too hot. ...

... mods put women in skimpy outfits? The Boston November temp ranges... tits off. You'd think it's summer from the mods. And why... why aren't raiders scrawny little men. They all look like they...

..., ostensibly because they considered the outfits, which were made from large ... In fact, many Mexican American men were already in military uniform, ...in Long Beach. Mexican American men fight back against U.S. servicemen ...military police deal with military men. Instead, after several days of ... on LA's streets in the summer of 1943. To understand what ... the huge number of service men on their way to the ...

.... Like wanting to buy matching outfits or do a photo session.... She had joked with her men plenty of times, but this... words of encouragement to the men. A whole collection of images ... vinegar. She had the whole summer to laze about and work ...

... home from college, but her summer job hadn't started yet, so... large, animated, intoxicated, loud, jovial men...a Brit and a Scot... starts to class up. The outfits become more stylish and the ...

Spring, summer are my favorite fashion seasons, ... minis, of course, or cute summer outfits, really fashonable everywhere I looked......50s-70s+ dress like little old men...short cropped unstyled hair, khaki...

... threw on some clothes. With summer in full swing, the tunnels... advertisements everywhere. Or the slutty outfits that were commonplace. There were... of the more heavily armoured men. Breathing in, I relaxed and...

... think that works better on men. It was more funny than... in one of her work outfits even though Mom can't actually... been fighting ever since the Summer of Fire," Miki said. "I ...

... you look at lots of outfits you can start to zero... people watching, just look at men, when you are out and... pas. And for summer, I have never figured out why men think socks with sandals... what is out there for men. At least the colour theory ...

... Shirts Influencing Streetwear and Summer Fashion Trends? Streetwear has become ... reflected in COOFANDY collections. Summer fashion is another area where ... where flexibility is important. Men increasingly prefer clothing that can ... for casual wear, travel, summer fashion, and modern streetwear trends. ...that balances fashion with functionality. Men today value outfits that simplify styling while still...

... "Blake, you know I'm a summer, right? I look good in ... She gestured to her Achieve Men poster. "Everyone likes music, Yang... would wear. Not the outfits Ruby, Weiss, and Blake wore (...Like, actually okay? You've changed outfits twice now and you're talking ...Yang. Like, really weird. The outfits, the way you're talking, the-" ... "Now seriously, what's with the outfits and personality changes?" "I just... ...

Beat the heat and look put-together in minutes with this lightweight two-piece summer set—short-sleeve tee plus breathable shorts for effortless beach, gym, or streetwear comfort. #ADV 📢 Generic Men's 2-Piece Summer Outfit - Casual Summer Beach Tracksuit Sets Gym Suits Short Sleeve T-Shirt + Pants Set Lightweight Sports Outfits Men's Short Round Neck T-Shirts (orig.: Generico Completo Estivo Uomo 2 Pezzi - Tuta Estiva Casual Per Spiaggia Completi Tute Da Ginnastica T Shirt Manica Corta + Pantaloni Set Leggera Completi Sportivi Magliette Uomo Corta Scollo Tondo) #Mens #Generic #2Piece 🛒🔽 https://amzn.to/4fC57nI submitted by /u/AndreaNewsHub to r/ItaliaBox [link] [comments]

Keep cool and look put-together this summer with a lightweight two-piece set that pairs a short-sleeve tee and breathable pants for effortless beach-to-street style. #ADV 📢 Generic Men's 2-Piece Summer Outfit - Casual Summer Beach Tracksuit Sets Gym Suits Short Sleeve T-Shirt + Pants Set Lightweight Sports Outfits Men's Short Round Neck T-Shirts (orig.: Generico Completo Estivo Uomo 2 Pezzi - Tuta Estiva Casual Per Spiaggia Completi Tute Da Ginnastica T Shirt Manica Corta + Pantaloni Set Leggera Completi Sportivi Magliette Uomo Corta Scollo Tondo) #Mens #Generic #2Piece 🛒🔽 https://amzn.to/4fC57nI submitted by /u/AndreaNewsHub to r/ItaliaBox [link] [comments]

Looking for a stylish and comfortable outfit to keep you cool this summer? This 2-piece set offers the perfect blend of fashion and relaxation, whether you're heading to a music festival or just lounging in the park. Can it help you pull off a effortless summer look? submitted by /u/Primary_Concert_1045 to r/WEYGSHOP [link] [comments]

No need to stress over styling this outfit Burberry classic Equestrian Knight T-shirt paired with plaid shorts Sharp, clean lines with a premium, sophisticated vibe Add a pair of LV monogram slides Instantly nails that relaxed, "wealthy heir" aesthetic Smooth, breathable fabric keeps you cool and sweat-free all summer Perfect for daily outings, shopping, or vacations—one outfit covers it all A clean, stylish look for men this summer Guaranteed to make anyone look sharp! submitted by /u/Necessary_Emu_7299 to r/OMGReviewReal [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/OneElectrical7092 to u/OneElectrical7092 [link] [comments]

I went through (what I believe is) every event/mini battle pass Rivals has done or is currently doing and see why some people aren’t happy with the most recent one, and I’m on the same page. As a recap of each pass: - Summer Special, all new skins and matches the theme - Ancient Powers Awaken, 2 matching with the third still being a brand new outfit - Summer Special, all new once again and matches the theme, once again - Jade Scrolls, first event where one skin matches, with one recolour, and one “Rivals exclusive look”. Ngl this was our warning - Jeff’s Break Time, all new, all matching the pass (office/stylish clothing) - Seeds of the Gardener, sort of a “collectors edition” of unique versions, but no recolours and all well received skins (RIP Iron Fist not being legendary tho) - Gone Nutty for Xmas, two matching with a recolour, not that bad and reasonable for an event since black n gold looks pretty cool - Flight Mode, all matches and all fits the title, great event - Citizenship of Monster Kingdom, all matches, all fits, probably my fav event so far - Flight Mode ver. 2, all matches and all fits once more, consistent (3 in a row of no recolours and all matching the title) - ESU open day, two matching and one recolour, once again a good pass and pretty fair - Hellfire Gala, we all have waited a year for this and I’d say they cooked, excited for this yearly routine to occur - Savage Adventure, just like Jade Scrolls except the Savage skin should be legendary, and should be a character who, in comics, has been in the savage lands repeatedly, the recolour I feel has fixed feelings, and the racing skins are almost being pressured onto the audience. On this whole list, only two stick out because one skin matches the title, isn’t the legendary, and the pass contains a recolour. It feels like these two events focused more on their “style” and “brand” than actually providing the audience costumes to fit the current grouping of skins (which seems to be Savage Land rn and is great), didn’t on characters that need skins, and felt more of a spin of the wheel for the Rare skin and recolour choice. This is also my first event I didn’t buy, I almost did, but then scrolled through the pass again and realized it’s simply not appealing. Had this pass been two savage lands, one being an X Men being Legendary and one recolour, I’d buy it no question, but the title and the legendary having nothing in common, and the savage land being Hela of all people, I’m choosing to wait til the next event TL;DR - Mini Battle Passes should either all match the title of the event, or be 2 plus a recolour. Can’t wait to see the comments :) submitted by /u/P1zzaMonkey to r/marvelrivals [link] [comments]

As a chubby person sometimes I experiment with old money type dresses. I know I am not the perfect model for that kind of dress but I like to wear it anyhow. submitted by /u/Emergency_Length6187 to r/mensfashion [link] [comments]

​ The Hawas line started with one ridiculously successful sweet-fresh fragrance… and then Rasasi kept expanding it into every direction possible. Some flankers actually improve the DNA. Some feel like experiments. And a few honestly feel like “Hawas wearing a different outfit.” One thing almost all of them have in common: strong projection, noticeable sweetness, and attention-seeking performance. Hawas for Him What it smells like: Fruity aquatic + cinnamon + ambergris sweetness Review: The OG beast. This thing basically helped popularize the loud “fresh but sweet” style in the Middle Eastern designer market. The opening is fruity, aquatic, spicy, and VERY synthetic. But in the air? It works ridiculously well. People around you usually smell “fresh sexy perfume” rather than the harshness you notice up close. Modern noses may find it a bit dated now because so many brands copied this DNA afterwards. Still performs like a monster though. Compliment machine. Hawas for Her What it smells like: Fruity florals + creamy musk + soft sweetness Review: Very easy-going feminine scent. Fresh fruits, soft florals, musky sweetness… nothing difficult or challenging here. Feels youthful, clean, and attractive in a very mainstream way. The kind of fragrance that almost nobody will hate. Not niche-smelling. Not artistic. Just pleasant and wearable. Hawas Ice What it smells like: Frosted apple + citrus + aquatic sweetness Review: This is what happens when Rasasi takes OG Hawas and cleans it up. Still loud. Still sweet. But smoother, fresher, and more modern. The fruity sweetness feels colder and less syrupy. There’s a sharp icy freshness running through the scent that makes it easier to wear in heat. A lot of people genuinely prefer this over the original now. It keeps the addictive Hawas DNA while feeling more refined and less “bubblegum loud.” Probably the safest blind buy in the whole men’s lineup. Hawas Fire What it smells like: Spicy sweetness + smoky amber + warm woods Review: This one feels aggressive. The opening is sharp, spicy, slightly alcoholic, and honestly a little chaotic. But the drydown becomes MUCH better. Warm amber, sweetness, slight smokiness… it starts feeling darker and more addictive. Definitely not smooth luxury perfumery. More like raw energy in fragrance form. Some people will love the intensity. Others will think it’s too loud and synthetic. Hawas Elixir What it smells like: Thick vanilla amber + sweet tonka + dark gourmand warmth Review: This is Hawas after eating an entire dessert buffet. Dense, rich, sweet, warm, and HEAVY. Performance is insane, but balance can feel questionable. A few sprays too many and it becomes suffocating. The sweetness leans almost chocolatey at times. Very clubbing/night-out energy. Not versatile at all. Cool weather only, honestly. Hawas Kobra What it smells like: Citrus + ginger + tea + musky woods Review: Easily one of the most hyped Hawas flankers recently. And yeah… this is VERY close to the Louis Vuitton Imagination style DNA. Bright citrus, spicy ginger, clean tea note, smooth musk underneath. Smells expensive in the air. But reactions are EXTREMELY divided. Some people think it smells luxurious and addictive. Others think it smells like premium soap, lemon cleaner, or hand wash. Performance is absolutely nuclear for a fresh scent though. Probably one of the strongest fresh fragrances Rasasi has made. Honestly one of the best modern releases in the lineup if you enjoy the Imagination DNA. Hawas Malibu What it smells like: Pineapple citrus + creamy tropical woods Review: Beach resort fragrance. Bright tropical sweetness with creamy undertones that make it feel relaxed and vacation-like. The pineapple note gives it a cheerful energy without becoming childish. Very easy to wear casually. Performance is weaker than most Hawas releases though. Starts strong, fades quicker than expected. Still one of the most fun summer flankers in the line. Hawas Tropical What it smells like: Coconut + creamy fruits + tropical sweetness Review: This one goes FULL vacation mode. Creamy coconut, fruity sweetness, suntan lotion vibes… there’s nothing subtle about it. Some people will absolutely love the tropical creamy style. Others will think it smells like expensive flavored sunscreen. Not very versatile, but definitely has personality. Feels more playful than classy. Hawas Verde What it smells like: Mint + citrus + green herbal freshness Review: Probably the freshest Hawas. Very green, cooling, energetic kind of scent. Feels like crushed mint leaves mixed into sparkling lemonade. Less sweet than most flankers which honestly helps a lot. Doesn’t smell super luxurious, but smells extremely refreshing. Amazing hot-weather type fragrance. Hawas Viper What it smells like: Dark spices + woody musk + masculine sweetness Review: This one tries hard to feel dangerous. Dark spicy sweetness with a rough masculine edge. Less smooth than Black or Ice. More aggressive and edgy. Honestly feels like a nightclub fragrance made for confidence rather than elegance. Not very versatile, but definitely stronger in personality than some safer flankers. Hawas London What it smells like: Fresh spicy woods + aromatic sweetness Review: Very designer-style fragrance. Clean, modern, versatile… but also kinda familiar. Feels like Rasasi blended multiple popular designer DNAs together into one safe crowd-pleaser. Nothing offensive. Nothing groundbreaking. Easy daily wear. Probably one of the most office-safe flankers. Hawas Atlantis What it smells like: Marine freshness + salty musk + watery woods Review: This one pushes the aquatic side hard. Fresh, watery, salty, clean. Honestly smells more like luxury shower gel than an actual complex fragrance. Very linear too. But in brutal summer heat? It works. Feels sporty and refreshing rather than artistic. Hawas Black What it smells like: Pineapple + grapefruit + oakmoss + smoky woods Review: Probably the most respected Hawas among fragrance enthusiasts. This is VERY clearly inspired by Nishane Hacivat / Aventus-style DNA. Bright pineapple and citrus in the opening, then heavy oakmoss and woods take over. It smells darker, greener, harsher, and more aggressive than the original Hawas. And yeah… the opening can be REALLY sharp. Some people absolutely love the rugged masculine energy. Others think it smells harsh and earthy. But performance? Beast mode. This stuff projects hard, lasts forever, and smells extremely powerful in the air. Definitely not a safe blind buy though. Hawas Pink What it smells like: Sugary fruits + airy florals + soft musk Review: Bright, playful, sweet, feminine. Very social-media-friendly type fragrance. Feels youthful and easy to compliment. Not much complexity here — mostly just pretty fruity sweetness all the way through. Very easy to wear casually. Hawas Diva What it smells like: Creamy white florals + vanilla musk Review: More mature and elegant than Pink. Smoother floral blending, creamier vanilla, softer overall feel. Still mass appealing, but less playful and sugary. Feels more polished and dressed-up. Very feminine without becoming overly loud. Hawas Eclat What it smells like: Citrus florals + clean musk + soft woods Review: Clean-girl aesthetic in perfume form. Fresh, airy, musky, and slightly elegant. Not very sweet. More “luxury shampoo and skincare” vibes. Very office-safe and daytime-friendly. Some people may find it too soft or generic, but it smells clean and polished. Final honest takeaway The Hawas line is basically Rasasi experimenting with different ways to make loud, mass-appealing fragrances. Some flankers genuinely evolved beyond the original. Others feel repetitive. But when Rasasi gets it right… they REALLY get it right. * Worth trying: Hawas Ice, Hawas Black, Hawas Kobra, Hawas Malibu * Best performer: Hawas Black * Best modern freshie: Hawas Kobra, Verde * Most mass appealing: Hawas Ice * Most unique: Fire, Verde * Safe but basic: London, Atlantis, Hawas for Her * For specific taste: Tropical, Viper, Black * Most overrated nowadays: OG Hawas for Him submitted by /u/Ok_Background_8973 to r/DesiFragranceAddicts [link] [comments]

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP) OOP: u/AdventurousBet6537 Published on: r/relationship_advice Story is: ONGOING Story timeline Main Post: May 01, 2026 Update: May 02, 2026 Main Post May 01, 2026 I 23F think i need to move out of the house after Dad 48M requested I pay 1k a month in rent. I just made this today dont want it on my main. I 23F live at home with my Dad, Mom and younger brother and I also work from home. So here is the short version, I work for a pharmaceutical company as a data analyst and hopefully soon to be a data scientist once I finish some certifications, I have worked at this company for 3.5 years, I started as an intern and once I finished my degree I was given a full time position. My parents deal for me to live at home as an adult was to always contribute to the household, so we came up with “what contributions” to make sure there weren’t any discrepancies. Pay the light bill because I am home the most (roughly $200 a month during winter and 350 during summer…Texas) I opted to pay for the water ($150), gas ($50-80), internet ($100) My mother added for me to drive my brother around – at reasonable requests so I usually pick him up after school from practice and he plays like a million sports and is in a trillion clubs, this is until he can get a car. I also drive him to places if I can. I pay for my own cell phone, car insurance and subscriptions. I still have chores, cooking, cleaning, etc. so does my brother. Well, my dad came to me last week and asked that I start paying $500 a month (cheap yes I know) because he desnt think I contribute enough to the house. This rubbed me the wrong way because I feel that I do, I know $500 is cheap and I wont get anything cheaper out there but that will mean I will be paying 1k a month to live at home. So I said if I am going to start giving cash for living at home then I am a tenant not a family member contributing to the house. If I am going to pay rent then I want a lease, I want to be able to come and go as I please, I don’t want to pay the monthly bills because then it should be covered in my rent and the obligation of driving my brother around should also go out the window (he is my brother and I will always accommodate him because we get a long but not the point). He got upset and said I want being petty and not thinking clearly and if I leave I will not be allowed back when I realize the real world is harder than 500 a month and when I fall on my ass, he will not help me. I looked around and I can get a studio apartment or a 1 bedroom for $1200, and I get my own space and privacy and more than likely not spend too much more money. I would save on the utilities alone so it wouldn’t be that much more expensive, and I can get my desk out of my room. He has been ignoring me for the past week until today. My mom asked for me to take the day off to discuss this and didn’t want my brother home because she didn’t want him to see us arguing, which is weird because why would we be arguing and not discussing?! My mom tried to negotiate, that I don’t pay utilities and my rent is $750 a month but I still had to do chores and keep the same routine with my brother. Also, the house rule would be no noise or company past 9 pm Sunday through Thursday and midnight on Friday and Saturday unless requested a head of time and absolutely no men can spend the night or be in my room (weird because this was never an issue). My dad stayed quiet the entire time, but I could tell that he was bothered, I said that wouldn’t work because I spent money on gas to drive my bro everywhere and I don’t want it to be a rule of tenancy to be my brother’s chauffeur. That’s when my dad blew up and called me selfish and he is just trying to teach me responsibility, accountability and that me harping over giving them money just shows that I am not part of the family and want to be an outsider because I should want to help. I argued that me paying over 500 a month in bills, gas driving around my brother, and chores should be enough to show how unselfish I am, but if its necessary for him to receive payment from me then I will pay the $500 and none of the bills and I will gladly drive my brother around. My mom argued that 750 was reasonable, and I said no its not if you still want me to live here like a teenager, dad said 500 so that 500 should cover everything. My dad stormed off and my mother said I am treating this like a business negotiation and that she is disappointed in me because my dad only said 500 because I was paying other bills and only wanting to pay 500 all included is a low blow, and renting is a waste of money and they would feel better if I moved out to a purchased home. Like what?! I am not ready for that level of commitment. It’s not the money but that is a major purchase and now I feel like the trust I had with them is fractured. Before anyone asks idk if they are in financial distress, my mom is an MRI tech, and my dad is a pipe fitter. Also, if my parents where in financial distress I would help them 100%, I went to school here in the city, I have been saving 60% of my salary for the past 3.5 years and the other 40% was to my car that I paid off and my student loans (which I only have 25k left). TLDR- dad wants me to pay 1k a month and keep responsibilities, it feels like its too much and I should move out. Torn if I am making a big deal of the $750 vs $500 and if this is a hill I want to die on.   COMMENTS Valthar70 I dont know where you live but just be sure to get the deets on what else would be required for that $1200/mo 1br apartment. Normally that doesn't include utilities, or not all of them, nor does it usually include internet. Or laundry. Do you have furniture? Pots, pans, plates, utensils, toiletries, tables, bedroom set, dining stuff? Ability to also buy groceries? Not as easy as you think to outfit an entire apartment and live there and think... It's just $1200 OOP Well I do have savings, I know its going to be more expensive but it wont be large enough to make me change my mind. Alone my light bill will be roughly 75-150 depending on the apartment, gas $40, groceries for myself I pay about 150 a week because I meal prep, internet 50 dollars, water/sewage depending on the apartment. I have enough saved to fully furnish an apartment, will it suck yes but I have the money to do it and I know its more than 1k a month that they are offering. CaityR1986 I would just cut the cord and move out. It will cost a bit more than what your parents want Joh to pay then but the freedom from their rules and having to be your brother’s driver is worth every penny extra than you will be paying. It might even cut closer to even when you factor in all the gas savings you will have not having to drive your brother everywhere OOP omg this week alone I drove him around over 500 miles, I know this because I had to fill up my gas tank twice this week. School x 2, taekwondo 3x a week, swimming, then the basketball games, football games, now he wants to do swimming in the summer and work as a life guard, on top of that he takes music lessons 2x a week. his weekly in person DND night, taking him to the stores, dropping him off at the movies, mall, whatever. I love the kid but I cant wait until he gets his own license. From 4-7 its just me driving him around at least 3-4x a week. InsertCleverName652 500 miles??? That's insane. OOP It probably wasnt 500 miles but I did have to fill up my tank twice this week. I have a mazda 3 so the stopping and going the mileage is less. Our neighborhood was rezoned, so my brothers school which used to be half a mile away is now 2 miles away, and his taekwondo is a mile from our house so just on that day its 4 miles to drop and pick up and 6 miles for the extras. I would have to look at all the other stuff he has but it was 40-50 bucks to fill up. I just remember thinking damn thats a lot lol. MermaidxGlitz are you not allowed to come and go as you please now? I’d move out simply for the freedom OOP I leave as I please but its a full lecture when I return, god forbid I have brunch with the girls, or come home past midnight. I didnt mind at first because its their house their rules but now it feels more confined with their requests Unleashd99 $1k a month is not terrible amount of money but you make a very valid point. For just a few dollars more you get your independence. Which at 23 makes a ton of sense. Maybe instead of focusing on the details of what they are asking from you, you could ask your father, “Why now? What happened that made you suddenly think I needed to pay an extra $500 more?” That question might help you both to be less defensive about the specific details of the topic and find a more fruitful answer. Because you are right to request more independence as a woman at 23. And maybe he has a good reason for what he is suddenly demanding too and we just haven’t heard it yet. Or maybe he just really wants you out of the house. You won’t know unless you ask. It seems unlikely that it could make things worse by asking. OOP I tried asking and he wont answer, he is pretty stubborn and when he thinks he is being challenged or undermined he shuts down and gives you the cold shoulder and my mom has to mediate. I heard them on the phone talking about me because he went for a drive and he said I was stubborn. Maybe I am stubborn, maybe if they would have had a talk with me about it I wouldnt be so defensive. But he is a blue collar man and he speaks like he is barking orders and once you say no or dont agree with the tone he will double down and it becomes a screaming match. OOP to a long thread No men have ever stepped in my room, now what I do outside of my house is my business thats the unspoken rule. Honestly 750 isnt horrible, but when he started it as a demand and said I didnt do enough without explanation and me not backing down it escalated. My parents are not rich they ok. My dad is 49 and my mom is 48 and my brother is 15 about to be 16. Electrical_Ad_947 (downvoted) Who paid for you to go to university? OOP scholarships, loans and working through school. They would help if I was in need for like gas, food, and the occasional books or extras. Scholarships paid 70% of school. Update - next day May 02, 2026 Update: My parents are just ridiculous and I am going to look for apartments this weekend So its 545 right now and my Dad is getting the full exposure of driving around my brother and my Mom and I had a conversation as to what happened which solidified that living here will just end up to us having a horrible relationship. My dad as previously mentioned is a pipe fitter in the union, sometimes he has to travel for work but not all the time and he works long hours so he doesn’t see everything that happens. Now to the update. 3 years ago when I went from intern to full time I was making 62k a year as entry level and that was generous because they already knew my work. Well last year a position opened up and I was offered the position now making 82k a year and quarterly bonuses up to 10%, I have never received the full 10% because I didn’t see the value of working 60 hours for an extra paycheck a month. Last week my dad was home more than usual and just saw me holed up in my room “doing nothing just staring at a computer and watching netflix” well I had a grey’s anatomy running in the background but I always shut it off when I am in meetings and its just comforting to hear other voices in the house when you are alone all the time. When I left for my brother my dad walked in my room and saw my W2 and that my gross last year was 78k (promotion money included) and he asked my mom how much am I contributing to the house and she said well she doesn’t give any money. Well that was enough for him to say I wasn’t contributing, no follow up questions. He also forgot that I was paying the utilities – why? Because my mom handles all the bills. When he told me I had to pay because I am not contributing enough he thought I was just picking up my brother, doing chores and cooking twice a week for dinner. So when I pushed back saying I pay bills, pick up my brother, drive him around 3-4x a week between 4-7, give him money when he is short for food and take him out to eat during the outings, plus everything else, he got flustered and thought I was exaggerating and doubled down. The silent treatment for the whole week he was asking my mom and brother to “validate” and when they did he got even more mad that he didn’t know all this because its obviously my fault for not ANNOUCING it to the world. During the 1st conversation of the 750 and driving my brother around was my mom being selfish because she knew it would fall on her and teaching him to drive! But I explained he knows how to drive, he went to driving school and has a learners permit so when he is with me I do let him drive to get comfortable. She didn’t realize that he completed his courses which again is weird to me because SHE literally signed him up! Even with all this my dad biggest issue is that I no longer need them which is not true, you always need your parents. But after this back and forth and reading a lot of the comments, and me saying my dad has quirks or shuts down I just come to realize he and I trigger each other so much. He and I will get into a screaming match because he refuses to admit he is wrong and I refuse to let him walk all over me, but I know how to apologize as well HE DOESN’T, he will just pretend like it didn’t happen. This is just not going to work out. She finally agreed to it and will speak to my dad because it will just continue to escalate. I did offer for them to come and walk some apartments with me so they feel involved and my mom said yes but she will see what my dad will say because he doesn’t want me to move out and is really upset that I wont back down from that. But I honestly don’t see us coming back from what happened this past week and today, I know it will just escalate – I haven’t even addressed why he was in my room and looking through my stuff to see my W2’s. Right now my dad is getting frustrated driving around to just wait on my brother and then drive again in high traffic times, which has been my life for 3 years. The only difference is that when I took that role/responsibility my brother was only 13 years old so he didn’t have a lot of extra circulars. My mom knew but she was happy with the arrangement because she didn’t have to deal with it. She also apologized for her role in saying that I am trying to negotiate because she understands that I do a lot for my brother and that will fall on them at least until he gets his license. Once I move out depending on where I move I wouldn’t mind helping out and driving him around maybe once or twice a week because I do enjoy spending time with him and so do my friends. Once a week after once of his extras we go to Chili’s and eat and hang out with my friends and I know I would miss him too much if I just stop being around him. There are so many times we just sit in the car eat and laugh or gossip. But hopefully we find something this weekend and I can move within the next month. Hopefully my dad and I will be on speaking terms by the time I move out. I am going to step away and go get dinner with my friends and just get it off my mind.   COMMENTS OOP to a long thread ugh yes we are Mexican American. My mom's family is from Texas before it was Texas and my dad is 1st generation. Informal_Meeting_577 Serious question, if you've been living at home, and getting paid 60k then 85k, why not just buy a home? Should you not have significant savings at this point? OOP There are few reasons not to buy a house right now. Yes I have savings but the savings will be a full down payment and leave me with little money to cover 6 months. I bought a car because I needed that and paying my student loans so this past year it has been saving and student loans. In houston if I want to buy a decent home in a decent area the avg is 300k plus unless I look at town homes etc. I did look once I received a pay increase to see what I would need and it would be somewhere between 55k-65k for 20% down because I dont want PMI.   This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP) Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading. Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved. submitted by /u/BigONerd to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

Fashion changes every year, and each bringing a wave of trends that includes silhouettes new to the eye or just restored from the past. Here are all the summer fashion trends for 2026 after watching shows of Armani, Prada, Chanel, Acne Studios, Dolce & Gabbana, Gucci, LV, Japanese shows and the GQ fashion trend predictions. Striped shirts- not your regular formal shirts, but the more loose and relaxed fitting shirts with the vertical pinstripes creating a perfect look for semi formal or semi street wear fits. Multiple brands played around them and are definitely a must buy for layering tank tops. Bold yet meaningful- not your random holiday prints or bold texts. But your prints that speak words, define yourself so you don’t need to say who you are when someone sees you. Going crazy this summer isn’t going to be a bad idea.. just keeping it under control and filled with meaning is going to keep your outfits bold yet subtle. Experimental hats- plain trucker, baseball hats are going out and incoming are hats that are loud and expressive. Not everybody has what it takes to style a hat that isn’t your usual ones but if done correctly, it would make an outfit elevate itself. Whether it be distressed, rough, acid wash, buckets, crocheted, newsboy caps and what not. Dressed to be cool- your formal outfits are gonna be in trend if they get a silhouette of loose and relaxes tailoring, shirts, coats, pants everything. Whether it be weddings, parties, events, etc. a good relaxed formal set will never let you down this summer. Polos are here!- your rugby polos, woven polos, knitted and what not, all are going to come back once again. They are more like a classic piece in these past years and I see no slowing down in it. Linen is the new cotton- a few linen shirts and pants are a must in summer’s especially in the Indian heat. Better breathability and lighter weight makes it a really good material to have pieces of this summer for every guy. Baggy jeans are out?!- no they are not! Baggy jeans are here to stay and the west has proved it, the influencers there are still wearing them and making them a silhouette that is going to be a go to for everyone new to fashion. Though wide leg and barrel leg jeans might be more trendy than baggy jeans as brands have played around more wide legs than baggy fits in their bottoms. Footwear- for all the samba paglus… stay happy because the slim fit sneakers are not going to finish any time soon. Brands are rather investing more time in this whole slim fit silhouette and even Nike is planning to launch shoes to challenge adidas in this race. Dad shoes/chunky shoes, are gonna be sidelined a bit but a pair of of them won’t be hurting your wardrobe and are still gonna be relevant in fits containing cargos and sweatpants. Derby shoes are back in the formal outfits because of the relaxed and loose silhouette coming back in tailored outfits. Accessories- Backpacks still aren’t the preferred ones to be carried on your shoulders as totes, leather handbags and other bags are still going to dominate the summer time. Belts with bold and big buckles can be treated as a statement piece in your outfits. Neckerchiefs are another trend that can be seen in semi-casual fits with polos and elevate your style if paired well. Full coloured glasses are out and tinted shades are in as well. **some of my own suggestions** Cropped and boxy silhouettes in t-shirts is gonna be the main go to instead of regular oversized fit tees. Bold colours are gonna be more preferred if styled well than just usual whites and plain colours. Watches are gonna be more minimal instead of bulkier ones like leather straps, resins, oxidised metal and stainless steel. Acid wash T-shirts or slightly distressed T-shirts are going to be more trendier than just basic back print T-shirts that everybody wears. submitted by /u/LivingOnRiffs to r/CleanfitsTeenIndia [link] [comments]

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP) OOP: u/Mommytex Published on: r/relationships Story is: CONCLUDED Story timeline Main Post: October 21, 2015 Final Update: October 22, 2015 Main Post October 21, 2015 I(39f) am getting increasingly paranoid at my husband(41m) and his relationship with our daughters(16f) friend(16F). Throw away account and names have been changed This situation involves a few people. My husband Rick, myself(Sarah), Our daughter Cass, and her friend Tina. Rick and I have been married for 19 years, and we have had a mostly happy marriage. We have one daughter(Cass), who has always been a loner. This year, Cass made some new friends. This was the 1st time she had real friends, so we were happy about it. These 4 girls started coming to our place after school, and on the weekend. They dress how teenage girls do, short shorts, tiny shirts, yoga pants, small dresses. I noticed that sometimes my husband's gaze would linger on them, but it was never more than a glance. I didn't know if I was seeing things or just being sensitive, so I let it go. In the summer they started using our pool and hot tub. Again I noticed that Rick would sit out on the deck to read a book. I never caught him watching them though, and he never stayed outside for more than a few minutes. I did notice that his office blinds stayed open, and his window looks over the pool. Again, I said nothing because there wasn't anything except a feeling. Sometime during the summer the girls got really friendly with him, and started to call him by his 1st name. One girl, Tina. Was especially friendly. Tina has shown up at our house when Cass isn't home yet. She says she doesn't mind waiting, and she plops right down next to Rick and tries to chat him up. Either he doesn't notice, or he pretends not to notice. She bounces around him in her skimpy outfits, and he seems oblivious, but I know Rick isn't stupid. Last week, she "missed" her school bus so she asked Rick to drive her. When he agreed she gave him a giant hug. The kind where you hang off the person, and it lasted a few seconds too long. Again, Rick seemed not to notice. The last straw, and the reason I'm posting this is what happened on Saturday. I was walking in our hallway, and I heard her say to Rick, Do you really think I'm beautiful? Rick replied that he did, and she shouldn't ever forget it. I peeked in, she was sitting on the couch next to him, she hugged him again, and again it lingered. Then she prance out. When she saw me standing there, she averted her eyes and scrambled past me. This time I asked Rick what that was about. He said simply, you know teenagers and their self esteem issues. I don't know what I should do, or if I should do anything. If I am wrong I would be alienating my husband, my daughter, and throwing a wrench into her first real friendship. tl;dr My husband and my daughters friend are getting too close and it makes me uncomfortable and paranoid.   COMMENTS datafoxdatafox Cass' friends are no longer allowed over when she isn't home. They can come back later. You can't just apply this rule to Tina alone. Talk to your husband about boundaries that are getting crossed here, that could end up with potential legal trouble. Do not accuse him of cheating unless you have proof. This girl has a crush on him and probably some mental issues. Next time, if she tries to pull it again, you drive her wherever. Not your husband. Take this time to ask her more about herself. Change the focus to you being the confidante over time as there might be something wrong at home. Don't fret. I think you've witnessed enough red flags to fix the issue before it escalates. OOP I feel like to this is good advice, I don't want to come off like I am Calling him a pedo ozogati I think telling a 16 year old he thinks she is beautiful is in fact wildly inappropriate.... OOP That's what I thought too, but after I thought about it, I didn't hear the context of the Conversation destroyer96FBI I mean married for 19 years, you can't just talk about it? I see all of these posts setting rules. If my GF came up to me and started saying "You cant be here with x alone" "you're not allowed to do this" I would get upset. If you have a problem use your words, and figure it out. You let it get into your head that he in-fact has a crush on this girl you wont believe any different even if he tells the opposite. OOP Wow. You make a great point. I couldn't just tell Rick that he can't be alone with Tina, or anyone else for that matter. That makes it sound like I am blaming him. I will try to talk to him and figure it out. Final Update - next day October 22, 2015 [UPDATE]I(39f) am getting increasingly paranoid at my husband(41m) and his relationship with our daughters(16f) friend(16F). Last night, Tina had dinner at ours. As she was leaving she started passing out hugs. This time when she went to hug Rick, he stopped her cold, by stepping behind a chair, and saying "Good Night Tina". This was noticeably strange. When Tina left Cass asked Rick what that was about. Rick said he wanted a family meeting. So Before i was able to say anything, Rick laid out some new ground rules for guests. None of the girls were allowed in the house when Cass wasnt home. None of the girls were allowed into his study. It was a short meeting, but that was it. Cass didnt really know what to make of it, but said ok and went back up to her room. I prodded for more answers and i found out what had happened. It turns out, that some time during dinner, Tina tried to corner him in the hallway and kiss him. She told him that there was something she needed his help with, and she didnt want other people to overhear. when he got close enough she tried to kiss him. when he stopped her,(he made sure to stress that her lips never touched him), she tried to grab him innappropriately. At that point, he retreated back to the dinner table. At this point, i told him that i saw that Tina had a crush on him a while ago, and he should have set up boundries long ago. He didnt see it. To him that almost kiss came out of nowhere. He was freaking out a bit. So i finally asked him to go into more detail of why he said that she was beautiful that day. Turns out that she had come to him, and said she needed to talk about something important. Rick suggested she talk to me, but Tina said that this was something only he could help her with, and it was a little bit embarrassing. So that saturday, he met her in his office, and Rick said, that Tina told him, that the people at school hate her, and that she is ugly. and that she would die alone. that kind of stuff. She asked him if She is really ugly and if she would die alone. He said he can assure her that the wont die alone, and that she is a beautiful girl, and even if she wasnt, that doesnt mean she would die alone. Tina's response was "Do you really think i'm beautful". and that is where i heard from. He said he was just trying to be supportive. He only thought of her like he would his own daughter. So it does make sense. Now that i know what is going on, I'm not sure if it is safe for Tina to be around at all. I just cant help but to think of the lies Tina could tell if we cut her out of our lives. That and Cass really loves her friend. tl;dr: Talked with Rick, found out things got alot worse.   COMMENTS Dolomite808 Honestly, I thought he was clueless when you posted your original post. I don't think most married middle aged men would think that one of their daughter's friend could possibly be attracted to them. Glad to hear it ended up being ok, if a bit awkward. OOP he was clueless. up until the last second. what would it have looked like if i turned the corner and rick was bent down, and she was going in for a kiss... Rick is about 6'3 so, for a kiss to even almost happen, it would have looked like he was leaning in for it Stubbedtoe33 Let's be glad that didn't happen otherwise this would be a whole different update. Do you trust your husband enough though if that situation occurred would you believe him if he said it was a misunderstanding? OOP I want to say i do. but given my track record on jumping to conclusions i am not confident. Doughchild You might have to talk to Cass about it. Mother to daughter. Mainly so she can see that you and Rick are a united front, you have communicated about it and you are okay. And maybe she'll look for a new friend then. You don't have to tell Cass specific details, but you could tell her that Tina was inappropriate. Also in how Cass approaches men, Tina might've told her about her adventures. Hmm... i guess she could still be Cass' friend, but there needs to be a talk about boundaries and sexuality. Cass seems to be a bit forgotten in this situation and Tina has caused trouble. Cass needs some attention and care. OOP I did forget about her a little bit, when she is going to be effected by this as much as anyone else. when she gets home i plan on having a talk with her.   This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP) Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading. Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved. submitted by /u/BigONerd to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

When it’s above 30C how do you avoid looking like you should be holding a big lollipop and wearing a propeller cap submitted by /u/Stoict to r/redscarepod [link] [comments]

I am not OOP. The OOP for this post is u/throwraowlcheesecake. His posts were made to r/OpenChristian, a community that while smaller than r/Christianity, prides itself on being more progressive and LGBTQ friendly with rules that don't allow anyone to speak negatively about them Important Context: Larry Nassar was a Team USA Women's National Gymnastics Team doctor from 1996-2014, where he used his position to exploit and sexually assault hundreds of young athletes as part of the largest sexual abuse scandal in sports history. Nassar was arrested and charged with sexually assaulting at least 265 young women and girls over a 22-year period under the guise of medical treatment. His victims included numerous Olympic gymnasts, with some as young as six-years-old OOP also added that the church was a Non-Denominational church Trigger Warning: pedophilia, victim blaming minors Mood Spoiler: unfortunate Original Post: (February 11th, 2026) I haven't lived with my parents since starting college, and I currently live by myself while working two jobs. I live a little over an hour away, but I come home for the holidays and other occasions, along with the Super Bowl this past Sunday. My parents are very religious, and I have a younger brother who's twelve. I always sleep over whenever I visit, and the only rule is that I must attend church (if staying on a Sunday) because mom doesn't want anyone home when they're not there, and that extended to friends and family since I was young. I was surprised when it extended to me since I grew up in their home, but I'm glad to no longer be forced to attend church every week. My dad always held a Super Bowl party since I was young, and I came up on Saturday to help set up as usual. This situation happened as a result of attending church on Super Bowl Sunday Despite our pastor taking a moment to give his thoughts on the big game before the sermon, the situation came from something else he vented about, and that was the Winter Olympics. Ironically, it wasn't about any of the athletes who made political statements (which was surprising given his history with sharing political opinions). It was about something he and his wife discussed and felt led to share. Long story short, they advised their kids to change the channel if figure skating came on any of the broadcasts, and their reasons were harmful in my opinion. He said that some of the female outfits were "revealing" and not good to watch because it can lead to lust. He also went on about how "the world" finds ways to "normalize telling girls to dress inappropriately". He even said the Summer Olympics did the same thing with the uniforms that the female gymnasts wore... going as far as to call it "normalized p*rn" because their parents would "never allow them to wear a skirt that shows as much" as the uniform outside of the sport setting He also said the uniforms "allowed creeps to watch with lustful intentions and not be questioned" because it was normalized, and he didn't like that possibility when one of his kids used to do gymnastics. He did, however, mention a rule change in recent years that allowed girls to wear shorts over their uniforms during competitions; something he supported and would've required his daughter to wear full-time if she still played. He also said it was unfortunate that the rule change and the female German Olympic team's full-body gymnastics uniforms happened after Larry Nassar's case because "no one wanted to point out the inappropriate uniforms" that he was "forced to be around" because there was an "agenda" to punish him. He also said that many girls were "playing the victim" because society "allowed them to". He even said Nassar "maybe wouldn't have done what he did" if not for the uniforms he was forced to be around, and I personally thought that that shifted blame onto the uniforms instead of his actions. His overarching point, aside from advising parents to consider turning the channel, was to be aware of how the world tries to push their kids to dress inappropriately by normalizing figure skating and gymnastics attire, and I disagreed with much of his message My parents and I discussed it on the drive home, and I mentioned how I thought it was harmful to send that message. My parents disagreed from a purity perspective because they taught purity to us when we turned twelve. I think it's harmful because purity should be a personal choice instead of something instilled by your parents when you're just hitting puberty. I also disagree with how the pastor sexualized both sports and absolved Nassar by blaming the outfits, but they didn't have an issue with it. Heck, a few of the pastor's points received applause (including from my parents), and the whole thing ruined my mood. My mom also plans to inform one of our cousins' parents (whose daughter does gymnastics) about the rule change in case she doesn't know. And while that's fine on its own, I disagree with her motives behind it The message shouldn't be that girls are responsible for the actions of those who sexualize them. They should wear shorts because they want to, not because they think they're doing something wrong by wearing appropriate clothing for the sport. I also felt the pastor was telling on himself and projecting onto the congregation, but my parents didn't see it that way. I helped them clean up for their guests when we returned, but left before the game as some guests began to filter in. My parents were disappointed and said it would've been better if I hadn't come at all, even though I'd helped set up. I'm more concerned with the message they told my brother and how Mom plans to relay it to my cousin. Needless to say, I'll never attend that church again, and I only did whenever I visited, like once a year. Does anyone have any experience with correcting a message from a parent that might be harmful to a younger sibling? Update Post: (February 13th, 2026) My father called me for the first time since we spoke on Sunday at their home, and he had the same tone as his text. He said it was disrespectful of me to leave early when they let me sleep over despite helping them set up. He also said he didn't appreciate having to tell guests why I left early, and he said he made up some excuse. I reiterated my disgust for the sermon and how they supported it. And in hindsight, I should've walked out and waited in the foyer. Granted, I couldn’t drive home because we carpooled, but I'm disappointed that I didn't. However, since the church encourages viewers to share their videos in the descriptions of their YouTube sermons and on social media, I decided to vent my frustration that way using malicious compliance. I left a review of the church that explained why I'll never attend again. I also mentioned how the pastor defended Larry Nassar and left a link to the sermon, along with a timestamp to when his rant began. The link will prove the truth of my review. And if they delete the video, it'll only make it louder (when the link leads to a page that says 'deleted video'). I also made an Instagram story about my disgust for the sermon and left a link to the YouTube sermon there too, and many of my friends have also told me their similar disgust I've lost almost all of my respect for my parents, but that's nothing new unfortunately. I was debating cutting them off when I was in high school, but figured that going to college would provide space that'd help prevent that. I was wrong, but I shouldn't have been surprised. Them finding no issue with the pastor's rant is par for the course of how they still support a certain someone with strong ties to a certain list, and much of my teen years were annoying because of their obsession with that figure. They also loved it when our pastor got political in the past, and that's not what church should be. I return for one sermon simply because of my parents' home rule, and he spins the Winter Olympics into a rant defending Larry Nassar. It's always some new demographic every week with these people, and Sunday was a reminder of why I don't miss church As a result of me not apologizing, Dad said I'm not allowed to come to next year's party, and that's totally fine with me. The other unfortunate part is that Mom talked to my cousin's mom about the sermon, and she agreed with much of it and said her daughter would be required to wear shorts over her uniform going forward because she was unaware that she could. Again, nothing wrong with deciding to wear them. But the message shouldn't be that women are responsible for creeps like my pastor who admitted to being unable to appreciate a sport because his mind is fixated on sex. I don't get why certain Christians like my parents are hyperfixated on it like with purity. My cousin's parents are also Christians, and they agreed with turning the channel from figure skating too. They'll probably do the same with gymnastics in two years, and my church (along with others I've researched) have had females wear t-shirts over their bathing suits at church gatherings with a pool, and I've attended parties with that rule since I was little. That doesn’t stop them from going to the beach where others aren't wearing t-shirts over their bathing suits, but you could go down the hypocrisy rabbit hole forever, and I'm ready to go low-contact. I won't be attending Christmas or Thanksgiving or any other gatherings they have. Granted, it sucks for my younger brother, but I need to worry about my own mental health first ________________ (Comments) (davegammelgard): "What's actually happening is that the pastor is normalizing adult men being creeps and lusting after young girls. This is the way purity culture has worked for hundreds of years - girls are expected to be pure because men can't control themselves. It's not just true in Christianity, but also in Islam, and other cultures. This attitude is harmful to everyone because it reinforces that idea that "boys will be boys" and won't be held accountable, while girls are held responsible for what men do to them. They're "asking for it" if they dress a certain way or behave a certain way. Men need to be taught self control and responsibility. That's the real answer" (Chaoticallyorganized) replied: "This is exactly what it is. No normal man watches figure skating or gymnastics with sexual thoughts towards underage girls. This pastor is unquestionably a disgusting human being and not safe to be around" (exretailer_29): "If you read different sources on Larry Nassar he was sexually molesting all age females from 6-20. So it wasn't all about what some females wore. It was about power and Control and some deep seated evil that drove Larry Nassar. How can a "6-8" year old dress in an inappropriate manner? The onus was always on Larry Nassar. A female could be fully covered up and if someone has evil intentions it doesn't matter what outfit is being worn. It doesn't have to be just Larry Nassar it can be anyone who perceives the victim as being someone they can overpower or take advantage of. Many religious authorities do project their own misguided sexual feelings and I think that is a defence mechanism on their part. The pastor is wrong and I think your parents are too!" submitted by /u/MadisonBrave to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Princessprotect posting in r/AITAH Concluded as per OOP 1 update - Medium Original - 17th October 2024 Update - 4th July 2025 AITAH, for calling out my husband for changing up the rules in our open marriage? I (35f) am in an open relationship with my husband (36m). It was over the summer he mentioned it to me. I wouldn't say I was totally for it but it took some getting used to. Now everything is going great but recently my husband keeps changing the rules. Once I started dating Evan (45m) that's when he started acting differently. My husband and I agreed on a dont ask don't tell policy but,keeps pestering me about the details of our relationship. I give him a little here and there but never the explicit stuff. Everything positive I mention about Evan he downplays or critiques. Last week, I planned a date with Evan and asked him to watch the kids. He agreed. He was to get back home by 9 but texted me to say he's doing overtime that night. I was left scrambling for a sitter at the last minute. This isn't the first time he has done this. Luckily this time I got a hold of a sitter but I could not stay as long as I was hoping for. Afterward, he acted as if everything was okay. He began policing me when I left the house and began picking my outfits apart. Expressing concern about how the neighbors would perceive me. To avoid conflict, I started wearing jackets to cover up before heading out. Then came the issue of Evan dropping me off. He worried about the neighbors seeing a strange car pull up at night. This forced me to do lunch dates. It wasn't a bother. I would bring my laptop to Evan's and work at his place.However,I preferred the dinner dates because I got a chance to dress up more. Changing up the times seemed to alleviate some tension but I still feel like I was compromising too much. He didn't even want me to drive to the dates but when Evan pays for an Uber or drops me off it's an issue. It makes no sense. The breaking point was when Evan sent flowers to the house. My husband lost it claiming it's dangerous for a strange man to know our address when we have kids inside. I will say he was right about this. I did drop the ball however, he insisted that I shouldn't bring home any gifts at all going forward, arguing it violated our don't ask don't tell rule. He used to joke about me not getting chivalry in my open relationship and now that I'm getting dates it's a big deal? I asked him if he doesn't take the women he sleeps with on dates and he said no it's strictly sex and none of that "lovey dovey bullsh**" that I'm doing. I confronted my husband about these rules and he just brushed it off like it was nothing. Saying "it's just a respect thing" I was really enjoying this but he's sucking the fun out of it and it just feels highly stressful. Comments myweechikin Your husband wanted to have a wife and to still sleep with whomever he liked. He didn't want that for you. Come on now, surely you realise that? clackagaling to me, it seems like husband wanted NSA sex with people other than his wife without any of the emotions that come with either an additional girlfriend or hurting his wife. however, wife found someone who also respects and appreciates her, and isnt using her like a hole like how husband is doing his part of the open relationship. so i think this is extra incensing for him, he’s emotionally removing himself just to get extra pussy, she found someone who will put up with the weird rules and treat her well. it’s not just the sex, it’s that she’s getting treated well. myweechikin Yeah, not everyone can enjoy sex with random, one night strangers. Clearly that's not her bag, and he should have known that. Or maybe he did and that's why he thought it would all fall into place nicely for him. Maybe he thought he could have it all while she was at home not sleeping with anyone else Dapper-danimal NTA. Question: Does your husband actually hook up with other women? Reading between the lines I wouldn’t be surprised if things weren’t working out for him. If this is going to work, you can’t just agree to “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and call it a day. Rules have to be in place. If he only wants sexual relationships outside of the marriage, without emotional intimacy, that’s a fine rule IF you agree to it. It’s also fine to change the rules after they’ve been established, but that should be based on a conversation where everyone is on the same page. He shouldn’t be able to change or establish the rules on his own and get mad that you haven’t been following them. OOP: I think he does he dresses up on the weekend to go out and comes in late. We both agreed to Emotional intimacy/ ONS/ casual. It’s just the nitpicking that’s too much. I don’t mind having a discussion but when I’m met with “it’s not that serious” that’s when I get pissed. Corpuscular_Ocelot You need to see this for what it is. He opened the marriage w/o understanding that it meant you would be going "on dates" too. He never wanted the rules to be fair, so starting from that premise is only going to get him subverting any discussions. He just thought a out all the fun he would be having. Now he is treating you like shit because he can't stand that what is good for the gander is good for the goose. You need to bottom line it for him: Open marriages are not easy to maintain. Most couples can't handle it. The only way to handle it is to set clear rules and follow them. One thing I will say is that your partner needs to be your primary, so if both of you are putting all your efforts into getting laid outside of the relationship, you will trash the marriage. You need regular date nights and check-ins, etc. It also takes a lot of trust and respect for your partner. In other words, you need to put work into your marriage to make it work, open or closed. There is plenty of literature out there on how to make this work if you really want it to, but it is work. Opening a marriage isn't a "quick release valve" to save a marrige for people who aren't good and communicating and take their spouse for granted. **Judgement - NTA*\* Update - 9 months later You guys were right, this was a shit show. I'm not sure where to start but we are getting a divorce.He infact did not change and became way more possessive and controlling while changing the rules. Everything I did was either wrong or inconsiderate. Evan had planned a weekend trip to Cabo to celebrate a new business venture. I asked my husband if he was okay with it weeks in advance. He enthusiastically agreed mentioning I deserved the trip he even told me to make sure I "flood his phone" with pics. I told him I was going to stay with Evan the night before for easier commute, he insisted on taking me to the airport instead. Since it was our last night until Tuesday. However, when it was time to leave he overslept! Despite urging him to get up to the point that I pulled the covers off and turned off the air he spent an entire HOUR in the bathroom. Then to make matters worse he didn't fill the tank!! I told him the evening before. I called an uber which was another hour late but luckily I got to enjoy my trip. I let it slide and moved on. Boy oh boy I wish I never went on that trip because things got worse. It's like I was being punished for the trip. He became incredibly invasive in my personal relationships. He wanted to know what my sex life with Evan was like. If he was better etc. he used to play it off like it was not a big deal to him then I caught him snooping through my phone. It was too much. I didn't understand because Evan was no longer the only man I was seeing but Evan triggered him the most. If that wasn’t enough he had his friends over for boys night, I was getting ready for girls night. Before I left he said out loud “ You’re really gonna leave me to go fuck him” in front of his friends! The embarrassment and humiliation I felt, even typing this. I just sat in my car and cried so much and that’s when I knew it was done. He apologized mentioned he was drunk. I don’t buy it one bit. He has never acted like this. This open relationship has left me drained mentally and emotionally and it wasn’t even my idea to begin with. I have filed for divorce but he keeps begging for reconciliation but I can’t. Before anyone comments I know you told me so. Sigh. Comments AcanthisittaBoth8524 he didn't want an open marriage, he wanted your permission to sleep with others while you were not allowed the same. NTA then or now Enjoy yourself Christinemfm_84 This nta, op if he ever says anything in front of people again call him out and say he was the one who wanted to open the relationship. Your husband wanted to sleep around and didn’t realize you’d be having fun too. AcanthisittaBoth8524 I also wonder if it's not working out for him as much as he hoped it would Christinemfm_84 Yeah he probably slept with whoever he wanted to sleep with and it wasn’t as great as he thought and he isn’t getting as many girls as he thought he would. Boo-Boo97 Isn't that how these stories usually go? Husband demands open marriage so he can screw around, discovers that he's not that attractive and women aren't lining up to be with them while their wives are picking up guys right and left. Then demands their wives stop meeting others and the wives meanwhile have found there are much better men out there than the assholes they married and file for divorce. I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments submitted by /u/SharkEva to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AETor83 Originally posted to r/offmychest & r/survivinginfidelity Previous BoRUs:1, 2 [New Update]: My husband of 20 years is cheating on me with our son's 18 year old girlfriend. NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Thank you to u/snarfblattinconcert for letting me know about the latest update Trigger Warnings: infidelity, addiction, grooming, harassment, child sexual abuse Mood Spoilers: dark Editor's Note: Please do NOT send me DMs or Chats. This is a reminder that I am NOT OOP. Remember the no brigading - Rule #7. Do not comment on the linked posts or contact OOP. Doing so will result into a permanent ban from the sub RECAP Original Post (rareddit): March 17, 2024 I'm going to use pseudonyms for anyone I reference in this post. I (41/F) am a stay-at-home mom. My husband (48/M), whom we'll call "Paul," works in finance. We have been married for nearly 20 years. We have two kids, whom we'll call "Eric," our 18-year-old son, currently a senior in high school, and "Mary," our 15-year-old daughter. They are both the lights of my life. My marriage with my husband has grown somewhat stale over the years for a myriad of reasons, such as his work schedule and how I've aged poorly since we first met. Our son "Eric" has a girlfriend (18/F), whom he's been dating since they were freshmen in high school. We'll call her "Amy." Eric absolutely adores Amy. She's his first love, and she's someone I've always considered as family. This makes the whole situation emotionally excruciating for me. Last week I inadvertently saw my husband’s phone screen and got a glimpse of a text thread between my husband and Amy, our SON’S GIRLFRIEND and I read what looked like a message of her telling him that she “misses sucking his cock.” I froze in place, in complete disbelief. I spent most of the day convincing myself that I must have misread what I saw. However, I didn't misread it because, over the last several days, I discovered a file on his computer filled with tons of BDSM porn. He clearly has a porn addiction. He also has saved photos of Amy from her Instagram on his computer. Although they weren't inappropriate - she was fully clothed - it was still the proof I needed to confirm that I wasn't going crazy. I also looked at his phone during opportune moments and saw more of their interactions. I wish I had never looked. They were filled with mean, horrible things said at my expense, with him constantly comparing me to her. He would call me fat and old, among other things, with Amy LOL’ing. I’ve always had hunches or paranoid feelings that Paul has been cheating on me but never in a million years could I have fathomed something like this. Last month, I found a thong in our bedroom that I know wasn’t mine. I turned a blind eye to it, being naive and acting like it was maybe our daughter’s even though that made zero sense. Not only is he cheating on me, but he’s betraying our son. I’m completely devastated, I don’t even think words can adequately describe the dread, anger, shock I feel right now. I’m totally overwhelmed on how to handle this because obviously action needs to be taken but I’m terrified of what kind of psychic blow this will be for my son. I have no idea how to even broach this completely fucked up topic with him. I wouldn’t wish this predicament on my worst enemy. I can’t even believe I married this scumbag in the first place. And then my mind started to race, realizing that I started noticing specifically unusual behavior from him around the same time Amy turned 18. Was he waiting for her to turn 18 before pursuing this affair? There’s so many layers to all of this and I’m completely paralyzed with fear and dread about it all. None of it makes any fucking sense. How did this happen? Am I that much of a stupid idiot that I let all of this happen under my watch? Eric adores Amy, and the thought of revealing this sickening truth to him terrifies me. The impact on his young heart and mind could be devastating. My heart aches for Eric and Mary who are completely innocent bystanders. I haven't confronted my husband about this because I'm frankly scared of the domino effect. I don't know who to turn to first about this. I share my story not for sympathy, but in search of understanding and perhaps advice from those who might have had to grapple with deep betrayal. Thank you for listening. Further Information from OOP To not have my initial post be long winded because I didn’t think i needed to get into the minutia of this, I didn’t bother going into those details. How I inadvertently saw it was this, he was on his phone. He did not have iMessage open currently on the screen, but the application was still open, you know how on the iphone when you swipe up and it shows all of the applications that are open and you can close them. When he was closing out the applications (something he does compulsively), I noticed it. It’s not like he was some kind of idiotic buffoon having imessage open for all to see. I saw he forgot he had the application running when he swiped up from a completely different app. Also I did say in my post that I went back to his phone to actually solidify my suspicion on a different day. So you are incorrect in asserting that I’m now magically changing my story. I am being consistent. Relevant Comments YogurtclosetOk5338: If she's freshly 18, isn't this illegal? There's no way they weren't doing anything illegal before she turned into an 'adult'. Also even if so, the age gap is over 3 decades, ur husband is suspect asf, police immediately 🚓🚓 OOP: She’s been 18 for 5 months now. I haven’t been able to gauge when their affair started, i’m trying my hardest to figure that out. He deletes his texts every couple of weeks it seems like, so I haven’t been able to pinpoint when this whole thing started. Additional Information from OOP OOP: Thank you everyone for overwhelming support. I'm sorry if I haven't responded to your private messages, I'll get to it when I can. Dealing with a lot right now and taking a lot of steps that need to be taken. I'm trying to be smart and strategic with this truly surreal and terrible situation I'm in. I want to be clear that not telling my son about this was never something I was considering, I didn't mean to make it seem that way. I was just saying I'm intensely dreading it, but obviously it needs to be addressed. It's one part of the many steps of my overall plan. I'm currently playing dumb and collecting as much evidence as I can so I can be prepared for anything and everything. I'm going to protect myself and I'm going to make sure I don't put myself in any potential harm's way. I'll post a more thorough update soon when I can. But please know, you've all touched my heart so much and made me feel less alone.   I am divorcing my husband because he cheated on me with our son's 18 year old girlfriend (rareddit): March 22, 2024 (five days later) I'm using pseudonyms for confidentiality. I shared a situation a few days ago on another subreddit involving my (41/F) husband, "Paul," (48/M) our children, "Eric" (18/M) and "Mary" (15/F). I discovered that Paul was having an affair with our son's 18-year-old girlfriend, "Amy." My son has been dating her since they were freshman in high school. My brother connected me to a very tough junkyard dog type lawyer. I saved screenshots of all his conversations with Amy. I was only able to get the last three months from iCloud. The conversations were mostly flirty and dirty talk; it was hard to stomach, completely sleazy, and I saw several negative things said about me. His call history showed he talks with her for hours pretty consistently. He uses dating apps. I took screenshots of his profiles and all of the active chats he has with his matches. It’s very clear he uses a filter to seek out girls who are 18-22 or so. I copied all of his files from the computer. He goes on sex chatrooms and forums, and he spends a ton of money on OnlyFans. I rummaged through every possible hiding spot I could think of in the house. He had various toys, blindfolds, cuffs, lubricants, etc. He also had different outfits which looked kind of like a girl's Catholic school uniform and a French maid type outfit too. I picked up Eric and Mary from school, and we all drove to my brother’s. They were able to sense something was awry when I picked them up. I delicately told them the entire situation, and I broke down crying. Mary had the most anger, even more than Eric. I met with Amy’s mother and told her everything. She confiscated Amy’s phone and gave me the entire chat log; it only dated back 3 months ago like on my husband’s cloud, almost as if they both deleted the messages at the same time. She told me Amy sobbed when confronted. Amy basically told her mother that she will never understand and that she and him are “in love.” I don’t want to get into too many details with what else she was saying, but suffice to say, it's very easy to assume that my husband slowly and methodically became a sage-like figure in her life making her feel she could rely on him, and he took advantage of the fact that she came from a broken home. Amy is also non-stop insistent that their friendship only became romantic/physical recently, and before that, she said he was more of a "friend and mentor.” I confronted Paul over Zoom. The look on his face was scary. He became red and looked so sweaty; he had anger and panic in his eyes. His tone of voice was very defensive and frightening; he kept yelling the word “CONTEXT” over and over again and that "none of that happened." He was unable to speak without constant stutters and intensity; nothing really made any sense to me. I refused to tell him where I was, and he said I had no right to take his kids away from him, and then he abruptly left the Zoom. My lawyer is filing for temporary sole custody of Mary and a restraining order. Mary is still the most angry; she’s totally furious with her dad and Amy, justifiably so, of course. Mary is recollecting moments and times she watched her dad interact with her friends and she's in knots about it. Eric is very clearly hurting but he's so strong and very level-headed. He wants to see a therapist. The maturity my kids are showing makes me proud. They don't deserve this at all. We made the authorities aware of everything. I plan on being completely unforgiving and ruthless in this divorce. I'm reflecting on how I've been treated and how it's made me a shell of myself and how I've had a very negative opinion of myself because of him over the last 20 years. I don't want to let this scumbag get away with it. I want to reinvent myself and move on stronger than ever. Relevant Comments dlafrentz: How is your son holding up? What has developed between him and Amy? OOP: He hasn’t spoken to Amy yet since finding out the news and I’m not sure if he ever will again. [deleted]: Have you confirmed if the thong you found was Amy's? The situation is fucked up... OOP: I confirmed that it wasn’t my daughter’s. She said it wasn’t hers. And I know it wasn’t mine. So who else’s could it be [deleted]: Wait... Are you saying that they fucked in the master bedroom?! huh-5914: Don't cheaters always use their married bed. OOP: Yes I believe he did OOP adds in the comments OOP: Both me and my son are going to get tested and checked out as well. There’s no telling how many different women he’s been sleeping around with. As for Amy, her mom has been in contact with me and Amy has been threatening to run away with him because they are “in love.”   Update #2: March 27, 2024 (five days later) Thank you again for all the love and encouragement; it gives me comfort and means so much to me. I've received many comments and messages accusing me of faking this story, which oddly also provides comfort because all of this feels unreal even to me. It validates my own feelings that there are people out there who can't even fathom this being true. I wish it were fake. I've been focusing on and worrying about how others are feeling over this, somewhat ignoring my own feelings which I'm trying to change. I range from anger to numbness like a light switch. We're all safe and still at my brother's house. We're very careful, and his house is secured. Paul has tried to call my cell phone several times a day. I am refusing to interact with him, and I will have my lawyer handle all correspondence. He scares me, frankly. My brother has a very secure house with an alarm system and deadbolt locks. We feel safe with him. Both my son and I got checked out and tested. It appears so far that we're both clean based on the immediate rapid tests, but in the coming days, we'll know for certain when the lab results come in. I'm not overly concerned. Eric is scheduled to see a therapist early next week, which is very good and needed. He's not himself right now; he seems a bit shell-shocked, and I am concerned. He internalizes a lot, and it's hard to get a read on what's going on in his head. That being said, he's thoughtful and has been talking with me, asking me how I'm doing and everything. He's not interested in corresponding with his dad at all. He calls only my cell phone, and he hasn't tried to reach out to either Eric or Mary. I get the sense that Paul is extremely nervous. He's scared, and I think he deep down knows that if investigated thoroughly, he would be in big trouble. That's what my gut is telling me. I still think about the Zoom call with him, and the more I think about it, the more it looked like he was a man whose entire world was crashing down on him. The panic in his face was very apparent. I offered Mary for me to make an appointment with a therapist as well, but she doesn't want to see one yet. She said she's open to it eventually but wants time to herself. She's been asking her friends about her dad and if they experienced any creepiness from him. Her friends were open and honest with her, and apparently, they felt like he stared a lot and sensed his hovering presence whenever they were over. One of Mary's friends went so far as to say that she felt like he was checking her out a lot, like looking at her rear and complimenting the color of her yoga pants. At the time, no issue was brought up about it, but in light of everything that has been happening, it seems strange now. He would sit himself in different areas or vantage points to get a good view of her, she claimed. He also asked questions about what kind of friend group or which clique they were in at school. He kept asking about if they were "popular" girls. I'm completely embarrassed that they had this experience at our house. As for updates on Amy, which is the main reason why I wanted to write this update, I completely agree that she is also a victim. A lot of people have been emphasizing that, and I agree. I've done everything I could in my own power to indirectly get her opportunities to get help. Like I said, I told her mother, and she's been updating me on everything. Amy, unfortunately, is still living in her deluded reality and I can only pray that she'll eventually come to her senses. She doesn't want to see any doctors or therapists at all and has been constantly trying to reach Paul because, again, she believes that they are "in love." From what I've been told, she hasn't been able to get hold of him, and he's been avoiding communication with her completely. Amy blames me for that and believes I took away his devices and am very controlling. Any truth that her mother tries to convey to her is met with conspiracy theories and hostility. Amy looks at me as a villain and still sees Paul through rose-colored glasses. Her mother showed her screenshots of his dating app profiles and matches, and she refuses to believe it, saying I "photoshopped" it. According to her mom, Amy keeps saying things like everyone is just mad because she found herself a "real man" and that I'm jealous because she "takes better care of him" than I do. It's in line with some of the conversations I screenshot, where a lot of what Paul says is him complaining about things I don't do for him sexually. Right now, she's insistent that she and Paul will be together in the "long run." Ugh, he's honestly a slimeball. I can only hope that Amy comes to her senses, but me directly intervening doesn't feel like it would be productive at the moment, maybe eventually though. Relevant Comments Useful_Escape1845: I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Reading all the previous posts, I honestly get the vibe that your husband wasn't a very good one to begin with. Someday(when you're ready), you're going to find someone who thinks you're glorious as you age. Your son is also going to be okay. He's gotten a lesson on exactly how men shouldn't behave. A painful one, but in time, he's going to realize that Amy was groomed and abused. It sounds like she was vulnerable, and your ex took advantage of a child who was in a bad situation. Hopefully once Amy has had some time to process just how messed up this was, she'll tell the police the whole story. I fully believe something was happening before she turned 18 OOP: I believe stuff happened before she was 18 too. Johnmiliano: Do you think they kept that "relationship" secret for most of Eric and Amy's relationship? what a disgusting father and pig if that is truth... OOP: I'm not sure when things got actually physical or romantic, but I do think his grooming started as soon as she came into the picture when Eric started dating her freshman year. This "mentor and a friend" that Amy alluded to had to start right away, and the way she's acting now, being so indebted and believing every single thing he says, shows that his effect on her had to be over a long period of time. She only turned 18 like 5 months ago, her behavior and infatuation for him seems so strong that it couldn't possibly be only 5 months of them being together. Minute_Bus6892: If they are consenting adults then there is nothing to report. This is a personal problem that needs to be dealt with by attorneys and the people involved. People are way too jumpy to snap to the police to fix their problems anymore. OP is handling this the correct way, if any legal issues come into play then her attorney will do the right thing. OOP: The only thing we can really hang our hat on is the possibility of Amy having an epiphany of the reality of her situation and she opens up candidly about when it began. But because she's 18 currently and has no interest in saying or doing anything that could potentially put Paul in legal trouble, nothing really can be done. Unless they find out about other girls that I have no idea about yet.   Update #3: April 8, 2024 (11 days later) The support, again, has been overwhelming, and I'm very grateful. Sadly, I've received a lot of negative/accusatory/harassing private messages from people here who think I'm faking this story. Someone made a comment on some post somewhere, claiming that my story has been debunked, and people believed that person. I've seen an uptick in negative messages accusing me of making this up for money. I'm not asking for money at all; coming here was completely rooted in emotional desperation, and I didn't expect anyone to get invested in my story this way. But again, I'm not looking for anything out of this. I have no reason to lie; I'm not gaining anything from this. If you don't believe me, that's fine, I don't care but the only thing I ask is to not cross the line and start sending me private messages that are mean spirited or accusatory. The only reason I'm continuing to post is because of those of you who've sent me love here, and the support really lifted my spirits. As for the divorce... It's very much underway. I'm not going to get into the specifics of it all because it's ongoing, and I want to make sure everything is going to go smoothly. I got temporary custody of Mary. Paul also has to pay temporary child support. There's a protective order; Paul can't contact us or come near us. Right now, we're just focusing on getting through this legal mess. Again, not getting into specifics because I don't want to mess anything up, but what I'll say is I'm very confident (divorce aside) that there's overwhelming evidence against Paul that will get him in serious trouble and it will impact him for the rest of his life. I'm sure eventually I can share more about that. I know a lot of people are concerned about his predatory ways, and I just wanted to convey this, even though I have to be vague right now. Justice will come. All of your concern about how my kids are doing psychologically means a lot to me. Eric has been to therapy twice over the last two weeks. I know some people thought I was dismissive of him and acting like he's doing okay. I very much know that he's hurting internally, and we're doing everything we can to make sure he knows he is supported and loved. My brother has been amazing in spending time with Eric and Mary, and both of them have confided in him about a lot. My brother has a very healthy marriage, and both he and his wife have really stepped up to the plate for all of us. Mary has not seen a therapist yet, but she promises that she will be open to seeing one soon. Her anger has mostly turned into sadness, I noticed, and I hope I can get her to see a therapist soon. Her friends have played a key role in this whole thing, and that's something that Mary has been grappling with as well. I know a lot of people are invested in the wellbeing of Amy as well. There were a lot of questions about whether Eric and Amy would still see each other at school. It sounded like they go to the same school, but they do not. Eric and Amy went to the same junior high school and knew each other even then, but Amy ended up going to an all-girls Catholic high school while Eric (and Mary too) stayed in the public school system. We all lived in the same town, and over the summer heading into freshman year is when they were getting to know each other and when they started dating. I wish I had a better Amy update, but it's gotten a lot worse since the last update. Paul has actually been seeing Amy, despite her mother trying to force her not to see him. She tells me that Amy says she's 18 and an adult, and she can do what she wants. Her mother is in a precarious spot because if she kicks Amy out of the house for defying her, something that she has threatened to do (which I think is a mistake), she would just run to Paul permanently. The time she spends with Paul has increased over the last week, despite the fact that Paul initially ghosted her when all of this first hit the fan. There were some days where Amy would just be gone for hours on end. There's only so much I could do with the Amy situation, but again, I do believe things will turn around soon with that, given what I know about Paul and what's to come. I can only pray that Amy can get help and guidance when more shit hits the fan. I'm doing everything I can with my own kids and my own mental health, and Amy's mom knows she has my support, and that's all I could really provide. Top Comments ZealousidealGold5909: Tbh the only way that Amy will see how messed up paul is when he eventually sleeps with someone else or he accuses her of seducng him. Even if he ends as a sex offender idk if that's enough to convince her that he's a creep and dangerous. Now I'm curious to what's Paul's intentions are. He ghosted her and now all of a sudden they're meeting up again. Worse case scenario he's gonna have her falsely testify which I dont think will take much convincing Amy. Honestly you and Amy's mom did what you could. The best thing Amy's mom could do is sit and wait but don't kick her out. Let her know she'll be there for Amy and she'll still have a roof over her head. And pray she snaps out of it soon instead of years later when she has burned bridges and wasted her life on a man who took advantage and ruined everyone else's lives. ImportantWonder8369: Take care of yourself and please don't stress about these internet trolls. They are mean heartless, soulless humans that have nothing better to do in life than tear people down that are already hurting. Though I'm also a stranger, your story moved me and I'm so sad that you have to go through this. Please take care of yourself too, sounds like both kids are doing ok now, but you need to be well too. Best.   ----NEW UPDATE---- UPDATE #4: My predatory ex-husband fled to Cambodia, my kids and I are still here and going to therapy: April 14, 2025 I'm sorry it's been so long since my last update. I didn't expect to continue to have this overwhelming amount of support from people for this long, thank you so much. I've gotten so many messages on here that I haven't been able to respond to. So I wanted to share an update with how everything is on my end and my kids end. So quick recap for those who might not remember what my story is. My husband, "Paul" cheated on me with our son, "Eric's" 18 year old girlfriend, "Amy". When they were caught, he unraveled at the seams. It was clear that he groomed her for years. He had saved dozens of photos of her from Instagram, kept a secret folder of BDSM porn on his computer, and I eventually discovered screenshots and chat logs between them that were beyond disturbing—graphic messages, hours-long phone calls, even them mocking me behind my back. When I confronted him over Zoom, he melted down—sweating, stuttering, yelling the word “context” over and over again. It was a level of panic I’ve never seen in my life. I filed for divorce. I took our kids, "Eric" and our daughter "Mary" and we left. We stayed at my brother’s house. I met with Amy’s mother, who confiscated her phone and confirmed everything I’d suspected. Amy told her they were in love. She refused therapy, pushed everyone away, and insisted I was jealous and trying to ruin their relationship. Paul ignored Amy for a while, but eventually they started seeing each other again. She was 18 and legally couldn’t be stopped. Meanwhile, I worked with a lawyer. I filed for full custody, and we began building a case. Paul kept trying to contact me directly, but I refused to speak to him. We moved forward with the divorce, even as more disturbing things came to light—his behavior with Mary’s friends, the comments, the hovering, the pattern. It was all there, in hindsight. Mary and Eric were both traumatized and they are still in therapy a year later about it. The amount of scorched earth Paul caused is mind boggling to me. I'm still rattled by it and I don't think I will ever recover to be honest. Paul and Amy "dated" for SEVERAL months after we started the divorce proceedings. I tried my hardest to keep in touch with Amy's mom to see if there was anything we can do for her to realize Paul's predatory behavior and maybe speak out against him to see if he slept with her or did anything to her when she was younger but she refused to talk about anything, she was "in love" still. Just a few weeks before the divorce was supposed to finalize, Paul disappeared. He drained what was left of our shared accounts, what I hadn’t already locked down, and left. We found out later that he bought a one-way ticket to Phnom Penh, Cambodia. I had no idea. I got a notification from the financial tracking alert my lawyer set up. That was it. We were close to finalizing everything. I had full custody of Mary. He wasn’t contesting anything. Then he stopped replying. Didn’t show up to court. Never filed anything. Nothing. It was like he just dissolved. Amy, according to her mother, was devastated and she's completely gone mentally right now. She's basically nomadic sleeping at friends homes around the area. Refusing to come home. My lawyer pushed for a default judgment, and the court granted it. The divorce is technically finalized now. I have custody. He’s in violation of the support order, but none of it matters. He’s gone. Cambodia has no extradition treaty. No child support enforcement. Nothing. There’s no way to make him come back. No way to make him pay anything. We have no actual clue where he is in Cambodia. One thing that chills me to my core is how notorious Cambodia is when it comes to trafficking minors. Eric’s in college. He keeps his distance from everything to do with Paul. He doesn’t say much, but he’s steady. I know it still hurts. He just doesn’t show it. Mary’s quiet about it too. She still brings up little things sometimes—things she remembers now in a different light. She asked me the other night if I thought Paul would come back. I didn’t answer. I don’t think she really wanted me to. I don’t know what Paul’s doing in Cambodia. I don’t know who he’s talking to, or what his life looks like now. I’ve had a few people tell me to report him to the FBI or try to push for an international investigation. I’ve made the calls. I’ve filed what I could. But there’s only so much they can do when someone hasn’t technically committed a crime that’s provable in the U.S. I don’t believe he left the country just to avoid alimony, I think he's a predator and I think he's a criminal. That’s all for now. I don’t have much else to give. I’m still here. My kids are still here. And we’re trying. Thanks to everyone for their concern and care. It really warms me, it means so much to me. Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: Thank you for this update. I think about you and your kids frequently. You alluded to him being in legal trouble in your prior posts. Is this why he fled? OOP: Just my gut feeling that he fled because I think he’s been with minors. Commenter 2: From what I’ve learned studying criminology - there’s often a pattern to behaviours of people like your ex. I really think he will be back and that he will get caught. Maybe him fleeing is a blessing in disguise, because that puts an actual physical barrier between your family and him. As a Mum, woman… well - hopefully decent human being - I would like to THANK YOU for doing the best you could to protect everyone. It must have hurt so much. It’s now time for YOU. For your healing. I wish you all the best and all the happiness you can have. EDIT: May I just quickly add something regarding Amy, maybe you need to hear it? You have done EVERYTHING you could. There’s a moment in horrible situations like this when we just need to step back and allow people involved make their own decisions…. And let ourselves have some breathing space from everyone’s feelings. It often sucks, because we want to just grab them and shake them by their shoulders until they “click” into sanity… but your body needs to recover, too. Your nervous system needs to recover. Eat well and sleep plenty. I really hope that there’s no guilt involved on your part, because if her life is awful from this point on - it’s your exs fault. And I hope that you know it. Commenter 3: Give as much information as you possibly can to INTERPOL about this monster. I’m so happy you and your kids are hanging in there. I think about you often.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OOP. Original post by u/finishercar1 in r/AmIOverreacting Posted with permission from OOP. trigger warnings: racism, stalking, ableism   AIO? My friend WENT CRAZY when the guy she likes made a drawing of me. WARNING: unhinged rant + racism. (Context in post) - Jan 3rd 2025 So I’m 24f and she’s 24 as well. For some context she is white and I’m mixed Japanese/Brazilian. There’s this guy we both know through a mutual friend (we met him end of summer I think?). She is at his place a lot and told us they’re dating but when he was asked he said she’s just a friend. I’ll be honest, he’s a confident guy but when we first met he was always awkward when we interacted. I presumed he didn’t like me so I was surprised when he got me a bday gift last month. After that we started hanging out more and actually became good friends. I like collecting rocks as a hobby (since childhood) and he is curious about it. A few times we would meet up and he even gave me rocks he thought I’d like. It was very thoughtful and sweet My friend (F) started asking me about him and always made shady comments. For example she would imply that I’m not his type, that he’s not interested in me etc. They were very snarky remarks but very low key and subtle. One time he said that my eyes are stunning and she started laughing hysterically and called him a sleazy liar. At this point I was still under the illusion that she’s a friend so I thought she was just messing around and being funny. A few days ago he surprised me with a drawing he made of me which was ofc very sweet! It looked great and was one of the nicest things I’ve ever received. She started acting VERRRRY weird once she found out. Like she would give me weird looks and even mocked him. She talked shit about him behind his back and called him pathetic. At one point we had this text exchange and she basically revealed her true self. I’m shocked but at the same time not shocked. Am I overreacting with my responses? Don’t get me wrong, Ik she’s terrible but imo my replies were vicious and I know she’s probably still crying snot and tears as we speak 🤌🏽 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 Text transcription: Ex-F: Hey sis 💕 I say this with good intentions cuz I don't wanna see u get hurt but [guy friend] Isn't into u like that. So it's best u just forget about him and move on. Like I really care about u So I don't wanna see u get into shit, like u deserve so much OOP: loooool what the f I'm not even into him what the fuck are you waffling on about 😭😭 I'm laughing Ex-F: I can see ur trying to be close with him and it's embarrassing cuz I feel bad for u ngl. Ur not his type and that's okay girl. OOP: LMFAOOOO who's trying to get close? Are you drunk?? IS THIS ABUT THE DRAWING HE MADE OF ME LOOOOL Ex-F: That drawing means nothing...he does things cuz he feels bad for u U just don't see it OOP: We're good friends and he's obviously a sweet guy. What exactly did I do wrong tho? I'm tryna understand. Why are you so pressed? Ex-F: Listen, u guys aren't that close and he's obviously not interested in u. U know how many times I've been to his place? We've been fucking since like October. Y'all never even hugged 💀💀💀 he's awkward around u cuz he doesn't find u attractive. Also no offence but he's only into tall white girls...have u seen his exes? They're literally 10/10 model types. So I'm more of his type. Not some ghetto Barbie hoodrat...men like him wanna take home a classy lady not some porn star 💀 OOP: LOOOL ghetto barbie hood rat sounds hot actually. And I'm confused because why are you calling me a porn star? Isn't that a good thing LMAO It's funny how you showed your true, racist self just because you feel threatened Ex-F: I'm not racist at all. I'm just telling you the truth and protecting your hard. Everything he does is calculated and he's only use u because ur so easy *heart He feels bad for u cuz he probably thinks ur autistic lol U collect rocks while I play with his balls who is winning? B We are not the same He's basically sweet to u cuz do autistic things like that. It's not genuine OOP: Why would you make fun of someone for having a hobby Imfao?? What are your hobbies? What do you do when you're not sleeping with him to get commitment? You've been flinging your weary pussy @him since October in hopes of getting scraps of commitment {I'm tired, boss meme} ^ your vagina And then you have the audacity to be mad at me for something I didn't even do WTF. And I don't even like him like that as I said. Why are you bringing this petty shit to me and not him? You're sick Ex-F: We had sex over 40+ times He actually likes me but I can't say the same for u tbh. What have u guys done together? lol nothing. And the fact he made that ugly drawing means nothing. Like I said he feels bad for U cuz ur giving autism. 🤷‍♀️ Every time he texts u there's a high chance he's balls deep in me. Mind ur business bitch OOP: WHAT You're actually not normal GET HELP I BEG YOU Ex-F: He wants white babies...not some jap latina mutts OOP: lol Remember the other day when you were crying about having lines on your forehead? You have them because you're racist white trash so your evil spirit shines through lol It's time for a new round of Botox Band fillers sis your age is starting to show at the ripe age of.......24!!!!! 🥱 LMAO get fucked you racist psycho Oh wait you already have been by HIM AND ITS STILL NOT ENOUGH FOR A RELATIONSHIP?! OH MY!! ⚰️ 🌹 Ex-F: Wow I can't believe u actually said that This friendship is dead Ur a cruel and sick and demented bitch Never text or talk to me again U were given up for adoption cuz ur bio parents could see u would grow up to be a evil home wrecking slut whore Back the fuck off my man and mind ur ghetto business Smelly ugly whore OOP: Go to sleep you illiterate Nazi   update in comments - Jan 4th 2025 (one day later) She didn’t show him the texts but told him we had a fight. She told him SOOO many lies about me chat. She told him I have STIs (I don’t), that I had two abortions in the past (??? I’ve never had an abortion in my life??) and that my vagina smells bad. (My 🐈‍⬛ smells heavenly thanks). She says she knows it smells bad because we fell asleep on the same bed once and she claims she couldn’t sleep the whole night due to the smell. lol. Oh and she claims I have a baby daddy who is in jail for murder LMAO. He reached out to me to ask wtf is going on and I showed him the texts. Btw she claimed that she was very nice/considerate and that I had a total meltdown. She said that she was mostly joking anyway and that I overreacted. She completely manipulated the situation to make herself look like a saint. She also cried a lot and told everyone in the group chat that I broke her heart and made her cry. SHE POSTED A CRYING SELFIE. So ofc everyone’s initial reaction was wtf, what did you do to her? When I showed him the texts he called me and asked me if I’m okay and apologised. I had to go bc I was heading off for some training and he said he wanted to talk about it when we have time. If you want lessons in tarnishing someone’s image y’all should take inspiration from her. I’ve never had someone go to such great lengths to make me look so bad 😩   Some more context in another comment - Jan 4th 2025 (posted just after previous update) STORY TIME She and I went to a themed party some months ago. This is before he entered the picture btw. I was Chel (El Dorado) and she was Natalie Portman’s character from Black Swan. Throughout the whole night she kept joking that my costume was so slutty and “doing too much”. You know when someone is being passive aggressive but trying to laugh it off ☠️ she was basically doing that. Once again if you know her personality I didn’t think she genuinely meant it though but looking back she was clearly pressed. And I think it’s funny how a costume is considered classy or slutty based on a woman’s body type. If she wore the same exact outfit she’d consider it classy and elegant. God forbid a woman has t&a. suddenly everything is bad and slutty. Anyway we had a fight later that night because she wanted to go home with a guy but she wasn’t comfortable doing that unless I went out with his friend. She was guilt tripping me and accusing me of slut shaming. I ditched her @ the party because she kept coercing me into going on some weird 4some double date that I didn’t sign up for. She got so pissed I ditched her (simply because I wasn’t comfortable) and we had a fight that night. But eventually we made up and I actually got over the whole situation. She spun the entire story to tell our mutual guy friend that I ditched her @ a party and that I have a history of being a terrible friend.   GUYS SHE LIED ABOUT THE 40 - Jan 4th 2025 (later in the day after previous updates) I was going to comment this on my post but it got locked. I spoke to my guy friend and he said that they definitely didn’t hook up as many as 40 times. He says he stopped sleeping with her because she got baby crazy and kept joking about baby trapping him. And he told me that she freaked out over an incident that happened between them which happened the same week as the drawing so she was already on edge. He absolutely refuses to tell me what went down so idk. Oh and he asked me if I’m turned off by guys who sleep with lots of girls and I honestly had to tell him yes. He spent 20 min explaining that he’s a reformed man hoe and looking to settle down. I told him that he shouldn’t care what I think and to live life how he likes. I asked him if he has a crush on me and he said yes was it obvious? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣   Update: my racist ex-friend apologised to me and suggested we should do a 3some to make peace - Jan 7th 2025 (3 days after previous update) I honestly don’t know how I ever befriended this girl. She also knocked on my door in the middle of the night to say sorry wtf. I’m scared of what this crazy bitch might do help 😭   Crazy ex-friend is starting to show stalker tendencies. Is there anything I can do or do I just have to “wait it out”? - Jan 10th 2025 (3 days after previous update) I’ve already posted about this situation on the AIO subreddit where I received plenty of support. However since then her behaviour took a weird turn but I feel like legally my hands are tied. I’m hesitant to give away my location atm but I guess I’d just like general advice since I’ve never dealt with something like this before. So far she’s: shown up uninvited to my place and an event I attended constantly reaching out to me through a new number after I block her. So far she texted and called me from 3 different numbers. she’s contacted a family member of mine, inquiring about my whereabouts and claiming that she’s concerned for my mental health and safety But the worst thing she did so far was book the same flight as my solo trip at the end of this month. In a nutshell, I planned a solo trip and I had told her about it before we fell out. Quite recently she sent me a picture of her flight details and she booked the exact same trip/flight. I think this is unhinged behaviour and demonstrates what I’m dealing with rn.   My unhinged ex-friend booked the same flight as me to “join” me on my solo trip - Jan 13th 2025 (3 days after previous update, 10 days after first post) I already posted about this girl a few times. It all started when she got upset that a guy (her FWB) showed interest in me. She sent me a bunch of racist, hurtful texts making fun of me and my hobbies and everything. We fell out of course but then a few days later she drunkenly tried to climb into my place through the window to apologise. I booked her an Uber (from her phone) that night and the next day she turned up at an event I went to. She’s literally following my every move and when I went to the local authorities they basically said they can’t do much rn. I’m going on a solo trip soon and she seriously fucking booked the same flight and dates as me. She even booked a hotel that’s close to mine. (She knew about this trip before we fell out which is how she knows all the details). So basically I’m gonna have this deranged lunatic following me across the globe for god knows what reason. 1, 2 Text transcription: Ex-F: Pls don't take this the wrong way bestie I told u already that I'm sorry for everything that went down. I was very emotional during that time and it was wrong of me to spread negative energy and vibes like that. I'm so sorry that ur feelings were hurt and I said things u should never say to a friend. I'm sorry for calling u a ghetto porn star Barbie and autistic. I think going to [censored] together can be the start of our healing journey together.... I really want to make this work. I couldn't get the seat next to u but I'm behind u at least. It's gonna be soooo much fun if u just relax and focus on the positives That's one of the things that are wrong about u. U always focus on the negatives. This could be a fresh start to out friendship. I'm not willing to throw away 3 years of knowing u...... Please bestie u know u mean so much to me....it's gonna be so fun Just don't fuck nobody without telling me bestie Girl code I booked a hotel close to yours 💕 love u sis This was going to be a surprise but I wanted to let u know so that we can hang out day 1 like I don't wanna waste anytime....this is gonna be the best healing journey ever... love u sm sis Relevant comments: OOP, in response to how she knew what to book: Because I decided to book them before Xmas and I said that she can join me if she’d like (we were still friends at the time). As friends do I excitedly texted her my flight details and hotel and she was considering booking it as well but later said she had to help a friend move that week. I would’ve never thought she would do this though? Because who does this….? And what’s her plan exactly when she gets there More comments: OOP: Guys I think she might’ve seen this post bc suddenly she texted me that she was joking and if I seriously thought she would go that far KhadraThunderborn: What the actual fuck. She is unhinged to the next level. What are you planning to do? OOP: Still going but I may or may not have changed some details   Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. submitted by /u/Turpentine01 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not OP. That is u/Diligent-Mix-150 who posted to r/AmItheAsshole and u/wedding-hijacker-412 who posted to r/weddingdrama AITA for not letting my fiancée’s best friend be in our wedding? May 18th, 2024 I (26M) proposed to my (24F) girlfriend of 6 years last month. She obviously said yes and we’ve been working on wedding details (ex: save the dates/invitations, venue, caterer…etc) since. We got to talking about who we would want in our wedding because she wanted to do a special “proposal” to her side of the wedding court, and she said she wanted to have her best friend since childhood be her “maid” of honor. The thing is, her childhood best friend is a guy (24M). They lived on the same street when they were kids and have been friends since. My fiancée and I met in college and her friend was there too, so I’ve known him for as long as I’ve known her. At first I didn’t really like him because he was always hanging around her, but after she and I started dating and I was forced to be around him more I kinda started to tolerate him. He and my fiancée saw each other a lot, but he and I have never really hung out one-on-one before. One time when we were left alone together he tried to get all tough and did the “if you ever break her heart i swear…” corny threat talk. He’s a small dude so it made me laugh more than intimidate me. After that I got the feeling this was a situation where he liked her but she didn’t know. I asked my fiancée if she and him ever had feelings for each other, and she said no, then let me know he was gay. I’m not homophobic or anything, so it’s not like I don’t want him in the wedding because of that, it’s just that I think it would be better if her side of t party was all girls. She and him already did everything together, not including him in our wedding wouldn’t hurt their friendship. I told her that and she got defensive, saying that if I could have a girl in my side of the party (the girl being my older sister who practically raised me), she could have a guy. I said that it was a different circumstance, and that I wouldn’t allow her best friend to be her man of honor. She got really mad and said it was her wedding too, then stormed out. I got a text from her sister a few hours later saying she had gone to her parents house and told them what I had said. They thought I was being an asshole because I never liked her friend and am threatened by him. I have tried to talk to my fiancée since she left but she hasn’t returned my calls or texts. I really love her, and I don’t want to loose her. I just dont want her best friend to be a part of our day. AITA? edit: It’s come to my attention in a previous comment I made, I have created the worlds thinnest argument. I said that my fiancée made was unwillingly to compromise on things such as the groomsmen’s neck pieces and blazers, and as such I was in the right to be unwilling to compromise about her best friend. I stated in a few other posts that there were other things she didn’t want to compromise on, and someone suggested I make a list so here it is: 1.) When we were deciding our wedding date and location, she wanted to do it in spring in an open field. I wasn’t onboard with this as I have terrible allergies and spring is when it’s at its worst. She shot down any alternative I gave her (alternatives being things done closer to summer or in summer) and said it was Spring or nothing. So we went with spring 2.) Instead of going with a DJ like I suggestion who could play a mix of her favorite, my favorite, and general upbeat dance music, she said that she really wanted a live band that specialized in her favorite genre. I asked if we could just give the DJ a longer list of her songs in her favorite genre and tell him to pick from the list often, but she said no and that a live band was going to be better. So we went with the band 3.) In my culture there is a few traditional wedding ceremonies that I wanted us to partake in. Some included a kind of “parade” that leads the groom and his family to the brides house where they present her and her family gifts, a hair cutting ceremony (I made sure to tell her her actual hair would NOT be cut), and finally a knot tying ceremony where the guests wish us a long happy marriage. She wanted absolutely nothing to do with these ceremonies, and said they would be too much time and effort, since it would be like having two weddings. I tried fighting for these more than the others, but she was firm on doing things traditionally. 4.) She wanted the groomsmen to wear bow ties and blazers even though I wanted the necktie and no blazer look 5.) She changed the color scheme from the originally agreed upon black, gold, maroon, and forest green to pink (or i think it was rose), yellow, white, and pastel blue because the decorations would look better in the field. When I said we already printed invitations with the previous colors on them, she said we could throw those out and get reprints. Added Comments Commenter I really hope this is a rage bait post. To not be able to see the hypocrisy in having his sister (whom he’s known his whole life) on his side, but DEMAND that she not have her male best friend of decades on hers is absolutely insane. If I were the fiancé, I’d call the whole thing off because OP’s empathetic skills are clearly nonexistent. OP The difference is I’d be having legitimate family in my party. Somebody who, like I said, has practically raised me and has been there for me since birth who I want by my side. I know you can argue that her and her best friend are “technically” family with how long they’ve known each other, but that doesn’t actually make them family Commenter It’s her wedding as well so he is family to her. Don’t worry. You won’t have a fiancé anymore at this rate OP he’s not legitimate family, so it really doesn’t count. he can be included in her family section of the guests that doesn’t matter. but breaking it down and splitting the hairs, he’s not biologically family Commenter YTA. It’s obvious that you have a huge chip on your shoulder about your fiancé’s best friend just because he’s a guy, so now you’re using this “girls only” thing to get him out of the way. Also, “girls?” You’re not in high school going to prom. You’re getting married. They’re women. You’re sexist and jealous and seem way too immature to be getting married. I hope she sees you for what you are and gets away from you OP I don’t understand why everyone so hung up on my verbiage. Aren’t women also girls? Are they not one and the same? I’m not trying to get him out of the way for any sexist reason either. It’s just more traditional if she chooses all women to which she agreed upon in the past. She only started thinking about having him in her party after I said I wanted my sister Commenter Then why are you not traditional and picking only men for your party. Hypocritical much? Insecure and prob lost your fiancé. YTA OP i’m breaking the tradition for someone who is family. someone who has a right to be up their with me on one of the best days of my life OP if she had a brother and wished for him to be her man of honor i would agree in a heartbeat. breaking tradition for family i can understand but breaking it for a friend is a little much. im just not comfortable with that Update May 19th, 2024 I (24F) was recently engaged to my (26M) fiancé after 6 years together. We got into a fight a couple of days ago because he wouldn’t let me ask my guy best friend (24M) who I’ve known since we were kids, be my man of honor. I ended up walking out and went to stay with my parents for a few days. I told them what happened and they agreed that he was way out of line. I went back earlier today after I thought he had enough time to calm down and when I came home he looked glad to see me. He apologized for stepping out of line and I said it was fine and that we still had time to ask my best friend to be in the wedding. He kind of looked down then said that we should call everything off. This really surprised me and I immediately said no. He then admitted that while I was gone he posted to r/AITA about what had happened and that even though he was deemed the controlling AH, he also realized that I was one because I had basically hijacked the wedding planning. I asked how he could think that and he pointed out how I chose to have the wedding in spring even though that’s a bad time for him and that I changed up the wedding color scheme and what his groomsmen would be wearing without talking with him first. I said that those were practically minor things and we didn’t have to call off the wedding for it. Then he said I was insensitive for rejecting his cultures traditional wedding ceremonies and didn’t even considering doing them. He had brought to my attention some traditional ceremonies people do at weddings in his culture, and while I appreciated him bringing it up to me, I decided against doing it because it wouldn’t fit the vibe of the traditional wedding I wanted. I told him I only wanted to do a traditional American wedding and that he already agreed with me that that’s what we were doing. Then he said that me having my guy best friend be my best man was untraditional. I pointed out I let him have his sister be part of his wedding party because he wanted some part of his family included, and that since he was breaking the tradition so could I. He got really sad and looked like he was about to cry and said that me breaking the tradition was like a slap in the face after I rejected his traditions, and that I just didn’t respect his culture at all. That is not the case at all I greatly respect his culture. I told him I understood how mean it sounded but it’s my wedding too so I get a say in what we do. He kind of laughed and got up and said he wanted to take a break and left. I dont know what to do I don’t want to call off the wedding at all. I tried to find his reddit post but I think he was using a throw away, though granted I am too. I love him so much and I want to be with him for the rest of our lives. I don’t know how we’ll get through this. Added comments Commenter I don't know if you two are compatible OP Up until this point I would have disagreed with you. When we met in college we were studying the same thing so we crossed paths often. We became friends and found we have a lot in common in terms of interests and lifestyle, and we had a great relationship up until the proposal. We’ve talked about marriage before and we seemed to be on the same page about a lot of things. I don’t know where it changed Commenter sounds like you are controlling and you. brushed off his complaints as no big deal. If the date, groomsmen outfit and color scheme are minor details, than they shouldn’t have been changed. Disregarding his family traditions is a major detail and if you are willing to disregard them for a wedding, how does he know you won’t for other events? The wedding is one day, if you don’t let him have a say in that, he’s right to take a break and reconsider. OP I understand where you’re coming from. I’ll be honest and tell you that I haven’t celebrated a lot of his cultural events besides New Years (he’s Cambodian and they celebrate their New Years in April I believe). He and his family had a falling out after he started dating me (his family didn’t approve of a foreigner), and only recently have they reconnected. His sister though was different she didn’t care I was American, and she stuck by his side as his only family member. I guess I disregarded the traditions in the first place because he never immersed me in his culture enough because he kind of cut ties with that side of himself. I was uncomfortable with the idea of being surrounded by his family that doesn’t particularly like me during the ceremonies, as both his parents and my parents would be involved. I didn’t want to feel like an outsider on our wedding day Commenter I think your ex is right. You haven’t considered his preferences and in fact you minimize his requests (calling them “practically minor”) and aren’t respecting his cultural traditions. It sounds like you’re more interested in a wedding than an actual relationship and marriage. OP Of course I’m interested in the wedding. I’ve been dreaming of my own since I was a child. But I don’t value it more than I value my relationship with him. We didn’t get that far into the planning but for our honeymoon I was going to suggest going somewhere he and I have always talked about going to. We would have eventually gotten to a place where more of his ideas would be acdepted commenter Babes, you literally chose your wedding over your fiance. You broke up because of plans for the wedding. You broke up because you couldn't compromise anything you wanted for anything he wanted. You chose the wedding over the marriage. commenter I read his post yesterday and yours today... YOU BOTH SUCK. I think he wouldn't have put up the stink about your male best friend being in your party if you hadn't been so controlling, but that's moot because you're incredibly controlling and don't understand/care. You are selfish and self-centered. You seem to think only your tastes and desires matter for your wedding, forgetting that your groom is a person and not just a prop at your wedding. The fact that you even say "let him include his sister" is grounds to break up with you in my opinion. Neither of you are mature enough to marry from the little bit you have each written. In both of your posts you both sound fairly unpleasant to be around but you are definitely the harsher of the two. He's a whiner and you are Attila the Hun. Both of you need to grow up and learn what's actually important in life: how to grow together. Don't get married, mature first. OP do you happen to have the link? i’d like to read what he said OP was linked to the original post and the amithedevil post I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts submitted by /u/secure-raspberry-763 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AETor83 Originally posted to r/offmychest & r/survivinginfidelity Previous BoRU [New Update]: My husband of 20 years is cheating on me with our son's 18 year old girlfriend. NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: infidelity, addiction, grooming, harassment Editor's Note: Please do NOT send me DMs or Chats. This is a reminder that I am NOT OOP. Remember the no brigading - Rule #7. Do not comment on the linked posts or contact OOP. Doing so will result into a permanent ban from the sub RECAP Original Post (rareddit): March 17, 2024 I'm going to use pseudonyms for anyone I reference in this post. I (41/F) am a stay-at-home mom. My husband (48/M), whom we'll call "Paul," works in finance. We have been married for nearly 20 years. We have two kids, whom we'll call "Eric," our 18-year-old son, currently a senior in high school, and "Mary," our 15-year-old daughter. They are both the lights of my life. My marriage with my husband has grown somewhat stale over the years for a myriad of reasons, such as his work schedule and how I've aged poorly since we first met. Our son "Eric" has a girlfriend (18/F), whom he's been dating since they were freshmen in high school. We'll call her "Amy." Eric absolutely adores Amy. She's his first love, and she's someone I've always considered as family. This makes the whole situation emotionally excruciating for me. Last week I inadvertently saw my husband’s phone screen and got a glimpse of a text thread between my husband and Amy, our SON’S GIRLFRIEND and I read what looked like a message of her telling him that she “misses sucking his cock.” I froze in place, in complete disbelief. I spent most of the day convincing myself that I must have misread what I saw. However, I didn't misread it because, over the last several days, I discovered a file on his computer filled with tons of BDSM porn. He clearly has a porn addiction. He also has saved photos of Amy from her Instagram on his computer. Although they weren't inappropriate - she was fully clothed - it was still the proof I needed to confirm that I wasn't going crazy. I also looked at his phone during opportune moments and saw more of their interactions. I wish I had never looked. They were filled with mean, horrible things said at my expense, with him constantly comparing me to her. He would call me fat and old, among other things, with Amy LOL’ing. I’ve always had hunches or paranoid feelings that Paul has been cheating on me but never in a million years could I have fathomed something like this. Last month, I found a thong in our bedroom that I know wasn’t mine. I turned a blind eye to it, being naive and acting like it was maybe our daughter’s even though that made zero sense. Not only is he cheating on me, but he’s betraying our son. I’m completely devastated, I don’t even think words can adequately describe the dread, anger, shock I feel right now. I’m totally overwhelmed on how to handle this because obviously action needs to be taken but I’m terrified of what kind of psychic blow this will be for my son. I have no idea how to even broach this completely fucked up topic with him. I wouldn’t wish this predicament on my worst enemy. I can’t even believe I married this scumbag in the first place. And then my mind started to race, realizing that I started noticing specifically unusual behavior from him around the same time Amy turned 18. Was he waiting for her to turn 18 before pursuing this affair? There’s so many layers to all of this and I’m completely paralyzed with fear and dread about it all. None of it makes any fucking sense. How did this happen? Am I that much of a stupid idiot that I let all of this happen under my watch? Eric adores Amy, and the thought of revealing this sickening truth to him terrifies me. The impact on his young heart and mind could be devastating. My heart aches for Eric and Mary who are completely innocent bystanders. I haven't confronted my husband about this because I'm frankly scared of the domino effect. I don't know who to turn to first about this. I share my story not for sympathy, but in search of understanding and perhaps advice from those who might have had to grapple with deep betrayal. Thank you for listening. FURTHER INFO FROM OOP To not have my initial post be long winded because I didn’t think i needed to get into the minutia of this, I didn’t bother going into those details. How I inadvertently saw it was this, he was on his phone. He did not have iMessage open currently on the screen, but the application was still open, you know how on the iphone when you swipe up and it shows all of the applications that are open and you can close them. When he was closing out the applications (something he does compulsively), I noticed it. It’s not like he was some kind of idiotic buffoon having imessage open for all to see. I saw he forgot he had the application running when he swiped up from a completely different app. Also I did say in my post that I went back to his phone to actually solidify my suspicion on a different day. So you are incorrect in asserting that I’m now magically changing my story. I am being consistent. RELEVANT COMMENTS YogurtclosetOk5338 If she's freshly 18, isn't this illegal? There's no way they weren't doing anything illegal before she turned into an 'adult'. Also even if so, the age gap is over 3 decades, ur husband is suspect asf, police immediately 🚓🚓 OOP She’s been 18 for 5 months now. I haven’t been able to gauge when their affair started, i’m trying my hardest to figure that out. He deletes his texts every couple of weeks it seems like, so I haven’t been able to pinpoint when this whole thing started. OOP ADDS IN THE COMMENTS Thank you everyone for overwhelming support. I'm sorry if I haven't responded to your private messages, I'll get to it when I can. Dealing with a lot right now and taking a lot of steps that need to be taken. I'm trying to be smart and strategic with this truly surreal and terrible situation I'm in. I want to be clear that not telling my son about this was never something I was considering, I didn't mean to make it seem that way. I was just saying I'm intensely dreading it, but obviously it needs to be addressed. It's one part of the many steps of my overall plan. I'm currently playing dumb and collecting as much evidence as I can so I can be prepared for anything and everything. I'm going to protect myself and I'm going to make sure I don't put myself in any potential harm's way. I'll post a more thorough update soon when I can. But please know, you've all touched my heart so much and made me feel less alone.   I am divorcing my husband because he cheated on me with our son's 18 year old girlfriend (rareddit): March 22, 2024 I'm using pseudonyms for confidentiality. I shared a situation a few days ago on another subreddit involving my (41/F) husband, "Paul," (48/M) our children, "Eric" (18/M) and "Mary" (15/F). I discovered that Paul was having an affair with our son's 18-year-old girlfriend, "Amy." My son has been dating her since they were freshman in high school. My brother connected me to a very tough junkyard dog type lawyer. I saved screenshots of all his conversations with Amy. I was only able to get the last three months from iCloud. The conversations were mostly flirty and dirty talk; it was hard to stomach, completely sleazy, and I saw several negative things said about me. His call history showed he talks with her for hours pretty consistently. He uses dating apps. I took screenshots of his profiles and all of the active chats he has with his matches. It’s very clear he uses a filter to seek out girls who are 18-22 or so. I copied all of his files from the computer. He goes on sex chatrooms and forums, and he spends a ton of money on OnlyFans. I rummaged through every possible hiding spot I could think of in the house. He had various toys, blindfolds, cuffs, lubricants, etc. He also had different outfits which looked kind of like a girl's Catholic school uniform and a French maid type outfit too. I picked up Eric and Mary from school, and we all drove to my brother’s. They were able to sense something was awry when I picked them up. I delicately told them the entire situation, and I broke down crying. Mary had the most anger, even more than Eric. I met with Amy’s mother and told her everything. She confiscated Amy’s phone and gave me the entire chat log; it only dated back 3 months ago like on my husband’s cloud, almost as if they both deleted the messages at the same time. She told me Amy sobbed when confronted. Amy basically told her mother that she will never understand and that she and him are “in love.” I don’t want to get into too many details with what else she was saying, but suffice to say, it's very easy to assume that my husband slowly and methodically became a sage-like figure in her life making her feel she could rely on him, and he took advantage of the fact that she came from a broken home. Amy is also non-stop insistent that their friendship only became romantic/physical recently, and before that, she said he was more of a "friend and mentor.” I confronted Paul over Zoom. The look on his face was scary. He became red and looked so sweaty; he had anger and panic in his eyes. His tone of voice was very defensive and frightening; he kept yelling the word “CONTEXT” over and over again and that "none of that happened." He was unable to speak without constant stutters and intensity; nothing really made any sense to me. I refused to tell him where I was, and he said I had no right to take his kids away from him, and then he abruptly left the Zoom. My lawyer is filing for temporary sole custody of Mary and a restraining order. Mary is still the most angry; she’s totally furious with her dad and Amy, justifiably so, of course. Mary is recollecting moments and times she watched her dad interact with her friends and she's in knots about it. Eric is very clearly hurting but he's so strong and very level-headed. He wants to see a therapist. The maturity my kids are showing makes me proud. They don't deserve this at all. We made the authorities aware of everything. I plan on being completely unforgiving and ruthless in this divorce. I'm reflecting on how I've been treated and how it's made me a shell of myself and how I've had a very negative opinion of myself because of him over the last 20 years. I don't want to let this scumbag get away with it. I want to reinvent myself and move on stronger than ever. RELEVANT COMMENTS dlafrentz How is your son holding up? What has developed between him and Amy? OOP He hasn’t spoken to Amy yet since finding out the news and I’m not sure if he ever will again. [deleted] Have you confirmed if the thong you found was Amy's? The situation is fucked up... OOP I confirmed that it wasn’t my daughter’s. She said it wasn’t hers. And I know it wasn’t mine. So who else’s could it be [deleted] Wait... Are you saying that they fucked in the master bedroom?! huh-5914 Don't cheaters always use their married bed. OOP Yes I believe he did OOP adds in the comments Both me and my son are going to get tested and checked out as well. There’s no telling how many different women he’s been sleeping around with. As for Amy, her mom has been in contact with me and Amy has been threatening to run away with him because they are “in love.”   Update #2: March 27, 2024 Previous update link: https://www.reddit.com/user/AETor83/comments/1bn5o91/update_i_am_divorcing_my_husband_i_told_my_kids/ Thank you again for all the love and encouragement; it gives me comfort and means so much to me. I've received many comments and messages accusing me of faking this story, which oddly also provides comfort because all of this feels unreal even to me. It validates my own feelings that there are people out there who can't even fathom this being true. I wish it were fake. I've been focusing on and worrying about how others are feeling over this, somewhat ignoring my own feelings which I'm trying to change. I range from anger to numbness like a light switch. We're all safe and still at my brother's house. We're very careful, and his house is secured. Paul has tried to call my cell phone several times a day. I am refusing to interact with him, and I will have my lawyer handle all correspondence. He scares me, frankly. My brother has a very secure house with an alarm system and deadbolt locks. We feel safe with him. Both my son and I got checked out and tested. It appears so far that we're both clean based on the immediate rapid tests, but in the coming days, we'll know for certain when the lab results come in. I'm not overly concerned. Eric is scheduled to see a therapist early next week, which is very good and needed. He's not himself right now; he seems a bit shell-shocked, and I am concerned. He internalizes a lot, and it's hard to get a read on what's going on in his head. That being said, he's thoughtful and has been talking with me, asking me how I'm doing and everything. He's not interested in corresponding with his dad at all. He calls only my cell phone, and he hasn't tried to reach out to either Eric or Mary. I get the sense that Paul is extremely nervous. He's scared, and I think he deep down knows that if investigated thoroughly, he would be in big trouble. That's what my gut is telling me. I still think about the Zoom call with him, and the more I think about it, the more it looked like he was a man whose entire world was crashing down on him. The panic in his face was very apparent. I offered Mary for me to make an appointment with a therapist as well, but she doesn't want to see one yet. She said she's open to it eventually but wants time to herself. She's been asking her friends about her dad and if they experienced any creepiness from him. Her friends were open and honest with her, and apparently, they felt like he stared a lot and sensed his hovering presence whenever they were over. One of Mary's friends went so far as to say that she felt like he was checking her out a lot, like looking at her rear and complimenting the color of her yoga pants. At the time, no issue was brought up about it, but in light of everything that has been happening, it seems strange now. He would sit himself in different areas or vantage points to get a good view of her, she claimed. He also asked questions about what kind of friend group or which clique they were in at school. He kept asking about if they were "popular" girls. I'm completely embarrassed that they had this experience at our house. As for updates on Amy, which is the main reason why I wanted to write this update, I completely agree that she is also a victim. A lot of people have been emphasizing that, and I agree. I've done everything I could in my own power to indirectly get her opportunities to get help. Like I said, I told her mother, and she's been updating me on everything. Amy, unfortunately, is still living in her deluded reality and I can only pray that she'll eventually come to her senses. She doesn't want to see any doctors or therapists at all and has been constantly trying to reach Paul because, again, she believes that they are "in love." From what I've been told, she hasn't been able to get hold of him, and he's been avoiding communication with her completely. Amy blames me for that and believes I took away his devices and am very controlling. Any truth that her mother tries to convey to her is met with conspiracy theories and hostility. Amy looks at me as a villain and still sees Paul through rose-colored glasses. Her mother showed her screenshots of his dating app profiles and matches, and she refuses to believe it, saying I "photoshopped" it. According to her mom, Amy keeps saying things like everyone is just mad because she found herself a "real man" and that I'm jealous because she "takes better care of him" than I do. It's in line with some of the conversations I screenshot, where a lot of what Paul says is him complaining about things I don't do for him sexually. Right now, she's insistent that she and Paul will be together in the "long run." Ugh, he's honestly a slimeball. I can only hope that Amy comes to her senses, but me directly intervening doesn't feel like it would be productive at the moment, maybe eventually though. Relevant Comments Useful_Escape1845: I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Reading all the previous posts, I honestly get the vibe that your husband wasn't a very good one to begin with. Someday(when you're ready), you're going to find someone who thinks you're glorious as you age. Your son is also going to be okay. He's gotten a lesson on exactly how men shouldn't behave. A painful one, but in time, he's going to realize that Amy was groomed and abused. It sounds like she was vulnerable, and your ex took advantage of a child who was in a bad situation. Hopefully once Amy has had some time to process just how messed up this was, she'll tell the police the whole story. I fully believe something was happening before she turned 18 OOP: I believe stuff happened before she was 18 too. Johnmiliano: Do you think they kept that "relationship" secret for most of Eric and Amy's relationship? what a disgusting father and pig if that is truth... OOP: I'm not sure when things got actually physical or romantic, but I do think his grooming started as soon as she came into the picture when Eric started dating her freshman year. This "mentor and a friend" that Amy alluded to had to start right away, and the way she's acting now, being so indebted and believing every single thing he says, shows that his effect on her had to be over a long period of time. She only turned 18 like 5 months ago, her behavior and infatuation for him seems so strong that it couldn't possibly be only 5 months of them being together. Minute_Bus6892: If they are consenting adults then there is nothing to report. This is a personal problem that needs to be dealt with by attorneys and the people involved. People are way too jumpy to snap to the police to fix their problems anymore. OP is handling this the correct way, if any legal issues come into play then her attorney will do the right thing. OOP: The only thing we can really hang our hat on is the possibility of Amy having an epiphany of the reality of her situation and she opens up candidly about when it began. But because she's 18 currently and has no interest in saying or doing anything that could potentially put Paul in legal trouble, nothing really can be done. Unless they find out about other girls that I have no idea about yet.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Update #3: April 8, 2024 Previous update links: 1: https://www.reddit.com/user/AETor83/comments/1bn5o91/update_i_am_divorcing_my_husband_i_told_my_kids/ 2: https://www.reddit.com/user/AETor83/comments/1bpdgis/update_2_divorcing_my_husband_who_cheated_on_me/ The support, again, has been overwhelming, and I'm very grateful. Sadly, I've received a lot of negative/accusatory/harassing private messages from people here who think I'm faking this story. Someone made a comment on some post somewhere, claiming that my story has been debunked, and people believed that person. I've seen an uptick in negative messages accusing me of making this up for money. I'm not asking for money at all; coming here was completely rooted in emotional desperation, and I didn't expect anyone to get invested in my story this way. But again, I'm not looking for anything out of this. I have no reason to lie; I'm not gaining anything from this. If you don't believe me, that's fine, I don't care but the only thing I ask is to not cross the line and start sending me private messages that are mean spirited or accusatory. The only reason I'm continuing to post is because of those of you who've sent me love here, and the support really lifted my spirits. As for the divorce... It's very much underway. I'm not going to get into the specifics of it all because it's ongoing, and I want to make sure everything is going to go smoothly. I got temporary custody of Mary. Paul also has to pay temporary child support. There's a protective order; Paul can't contact us or come near us. Right now, we're just focusing on getting through this legal mess. Again, not getting into specifics because I don't want to mess anything up, but what I'll say is I'm very confident (divorce aside) that there's overwhelming evidence against Paul that will get him in serious trouble and it will impact him for the rest of his life. I'm sure eventually I can share more about that. I know a lot of people are concerned about his predatory ways, and I just wanted to convey this, even though I have to be vague right now. Justice will come. All of your concern about how my kids are doing psychologically means a lot to me. Eric has been to therapy twice over the last two weeks. I know some people thought I was dismissive of him and acting like he's doing okay. I very much know that he's hurting internally, and we're doing everything we can to make sure he knows he is supported and loved. My brother has been amazing in spending time with Eric and Mary, and both of them have confided in him about a lot. My brother has a very healthy marriage, and both he and his wife have really stepped up to the plate for all of us. Mary has not seen a therapist yet, but she promises that she will be open to seeing one soon. Her anger has mostly turned into sadness, I noticed, and I hope I can get her to see a therapist soon. Her friends have played a key role in this whole thing, and that's something that Mary has been grappling with as well. I know a lot of people are invested in the wellbeing of Amy as well. There were a lot of questions about whether Eric and Amy would still see each other at school. It sounded like they go to the same school, but they do not. Eric and Amy went to the same junior high school and knew each other even then, but Amy ended up going to an all-girls Catholic high school while Eric (and Mary too) stayed in the public school system. We all lived in the same town, and over the summer heading into freshman year is when they were getting to know each other and when they started dating. I wish I had a better Amy update, but it's gotten a lot worse since the last update. Paul has actually been seeing Amy, despite her mother trying to force her not to see him. She tells me that Amy says she's 18 and an adult, and she can do what she wants. Her mother is in a precarious spot because if she kicks Amy out of the house for defying her, something that she has threatened to do (which I think is a mistake), she would just run to Paul permanently. The time she spends with Paul has increased over the last week, despite the fact that Paul initially ghosted her when all of this first hit the fan. There were some days where Amy would just be gone for hours on end. There's only so much I could do with the Amy situation, but again, I do believe things will turn around soon with that, given what I know about Paul and what's to come. I can only pray that Amy can get help and guidance when more shit hits the fan. I'm doing everything I can with my own kids and my own mental health, and Amy's mom knows she has my support, and that's all I could really provide. Top Comments ZealousidealGold5909: Tbh the only way that Amy will see how messed up paul is when he eventually sleeps with someone else or he accuses her of seducng him. Even if he ends as a sex offender idk if that's enough to convince her that he's a creep and dangerous. Now I'm curious to what's Paul's intentions are. He ghosted her and now all of a sudden they're meeting up again. Worse case scenario he's gonna have her falsely testify which I dont think will take much convincing Amy. Honestly you and Amy's mom did what you could. The best thing Amy's mom could do is sit and wait but don't kick her out. Let her know she'll be there for Amy and she'll still have a roof over her head. And pray she snaps out of it soon instead of years later when she has burned bridges and wasted her life on a man who took advantage and ruined everyone else's lives. ImportantWonder8369: Take care of yourself and please don't stress about these internet trolls. They are mean heartless, soulless humans that have nothing better to do in life than tear people down that are already hurting. Though I'm also a stranger, your story moved me and I'm so sad that you have to go through this. Please take care of yourself too, sounds like both kids are doing ok now, but you need to be well too. Best.   Latest Update here: BoRU #3   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not OOP. OOP is u/Imaginary_Guide8273 on r/AITAH AITAH for not wanting to change my clothes for a 4th time thus ruining our date night? August 4, 2023 So, my husband (37M - let's call him Mark) and I (34F) have been having a rough few years. We got married in the fall of 2019 after being together for 5 years before then, and of course a few months after that the pandemic hit. I had the misfortune of getting a pretty bad case of Covid near the beginning of the pandemic (was hospitalized for two weeks) which turned into long Covid. I wasn't completely disabled but dealt with a lot of the typical symptoms - extreme fatigue, brain fog, reduced immune system generally resulting in several bad infections, etc. I didn't lose my job but did have to take intermittent FMLA which meant a lot of time without pay, and we racked up $20K in debt between the medical bills not covered by insurance and loss of some of my income. Although I tried to be mindful of my eating, I also gained 45 pounds thanks to being on antidepressants, several rounds of steroid medication, and not being able to exercise. Through all this, Mark was incredibly loving and supportive - he never said a bad word about my weight, lack of energy, or inability to contribute financially at the same level as before. Finally, last summer I started to feel a lot better, and most of the long Covid symptoms subsided. I was able to return to work full-time, and had energy to work out again. In the past year, we have paid off all our debt and rebuilt our emergency fund, and I have lost 35 of the 45 pounds I gained (my doctor says this is a good place for me to end up, I was borderline underweight before and am now on the slimmer side of a normal/healthy weight). Mark and I hadn't been having many date nights since we got married between the pandemic, my illness, and then for the past year working to get our finances in order. However, to celebrate my birthday, we decided to have dinner at an upscale bistro and then go see the Barbie movie (he actually suggested the movie). This was last Saturday - my actual birthday wasn't for a few more days but we wanted to go on the weekend. I was excited to dress up as - most of my clothes had gotten baggy and drab during my illness and weight gain but I was finally feeling comfortable in my own skin again. I decided to go full Barbiecore - pink sleeveless dress (fitted at the top and then flared out) and pink kitten heels with a matching bag. (The money for the outfit came from a birthday check from my mom - she insisted that I spend it on "something fun.") When I put on the outfit, I felt really pretty for the first time in a long time...unfortunately and surprisingly, Mark reacted badly to it. He said I looked "slutty" and "attention-seeking" and essentially accused me of trying to get the attention of other men and that I should cover up more. I protested because...first of all...we were going to a restaurant (table for 2) and a movie theater...when exactly was I going to be interacting socially with other men?! Also, the outfit was quite dramatic and striking but it wasn't revealing...sleeveless dresses are pretty normal date night wear for a hot summer day, and it wasn't low-cut (neckline was at the collarbone), and was on the longer side (calf-length). But I didn't want to argue so I put on a black knit cardigan over the dress. Nope, still no dice for Mark, he said it was still attention-seeking. At this point, I really wanted to get going and not miss our reservation, so I gave up on the dress and changed into fitted jeans and a pastel pink tunic top (not fitted). Nope, said Mark, I still looked like I was trying to attract other men. So I threw on a hoodie over the top but then he said I looked sloppy. I was really exasperated by this point and asked if he just wanted to come to my closet to pick an outfit that was acceptable, and he started yelling that I was too stupid to even understand that I was disrespecting him and that I didn't know how to dress myself. Then he said he was going for a drive and going to the movie without me (the tickets were on his phone). He came home after midnight, said he didn't want to talk and that he was going to sleep in the guest room. He has barely spoken to me since. My actual birthday was a couple days ago and he didn't even acknowledge it. I begged him to please talk to me and tell me what was really going on but he said he was still too angry. So, AITAH for not trying to change my clothes yet again before our date for my birthday? I still don't know what he was really upset about or what sort of outfit would have been acceptable. And no, he's never once tried to make rules about what I could wear or commented at all on my clothes except to tell me that I looked nice or that he liked certain colors on me. This really came out of nowhere as far as I can tell. And again he selected the Barbie movie and planned the date so it's not like I was strong-arming him into plans he didn't want. Comment: If my wife asks me ‘does this look ok?’, it’d have to be awful for me to say no. I can’t imagine telling her she looked slutty! She would figure out I thought that because I’d be grinning and making stupid, suggestive jokes! I’d tell him you will wear what you like and if he doesn’t like it, that’s a him problem. Comment: Something deeper is going on. Time to have a serious discussion about where you guys are in this relationship. No matter how much my wife were fighting… it would be a truce on a birthday. Comment: He created a situation where it would be impossible for you to have left the house with him, stormed out to go see the Barbie movie 'alone', and didn't come home until after midnight and slept in the guest room. He's cheating and seeing you looking fire that evening probably triggered some realizations that he can't continue to have his cake and eat it too. Update: Husband demanded I change clothes multiple times for our date night, then stormed out when I refused after the third time August 12, 2023 (Husband was going to take me to dinner and to see the Barbie movie a couple weeks ago, but demanded I change my Barbiecore pink but otherwise modest dress, went through several more iterations of changes that were still not acceptable and then he stormed out, and after that didn't speak to me for close to a week, saying he was too angry to talk about what I did wrong) As for the update - I did end up going to my mom's place for the weekend last weekend and had a nice girls' weekend with my mom and sister. We did see the movie on Saturday (got to wear my original planned outfit - yay!!!), and then got brunch and had a fun salon outing on Sunday. Late afternoon Sunday I texted Mark (my husband) to say I was coming home in a couple hours, and that I hoped he would be ready to talk then - that I would gladly hear him out regarding anything that had been upsetting him, but I really couldn't take the silent treatment anymore as it had been over a week by then. He just texted back "Ok." We did talk after I got home, and...boy, it was a doozy. It turns out Mark has had building resentment for years, since I first got sick with Covid nearly 3 1/2 years ago now. Not so much in the first few months, but when it was clear my illness had turned into long Covid and an ongoing disability, he started to feel very put-upon due to my not being able to generate as much income, not being able to do my share of the housework and cooking, etc. He put up a good front because he knew it wouldn't be fair to take it out on me, especially when he could see I was doing my best to get better and to do what I could on my better days, but ultimately he got very burned out. And then after a year or so...started seeking outlets, as in other women. He said at first it was just basically anonymous online sexting because the pandemic was still raging, but by early last year he had formed an online emotional connection with someone in the area, whom he eventually met in person for a physical affair, someone he is in love with now and still seeing. He said he has been trying to figure out what to do, especially as I have been getting better over the past year, lost most of the weight I gained, got back to fulfilling all my responsibilities at work and home, etc., but when I walked out in my Barbiecore dress, expecting to have a romantic birthday date, he just...couldn't do it. He couldn't go out and pretend to love me and be celebratory when he wanted to be with someone else. So he picked a fight, one I couldn't win. And then yes, when he walked out he did take his AP to dinner and the movie instead. The thing is...I do understand him seeking some kind of an outlet. I was sick for years, and between physical ailments and brain fog I wasn't able to participate consistently in the marriage on any level, not as an equal partner. We'd only been married a few months when I got sick so it's not even like we had a lot of shared history to fall back on. I'm sure he must have felt exhausted, stressed, and lonely, especially as it wasn't certain I would be able to recover at all. I asked if he would consider marriage counseling and recommitting to our marriage, but he said sadly that his "heart had moved on." He did say he was so sorry, that he never meant to fall in love with someone else and was just trying to be less lonely, and that I didn't deserve this, that I especially didn't deserve the way he treated me a couple weeks ago. So, I guess divorce it is. I don't expect it will be very dramatic, we've been talking a lot over the past week (no more silent treatment) to figure out how to divide stuff and to try to make things cordial. In the end, I don't even think he is an AH. Maybe for the way he acted surrounding my birthday, but overall I think he is just a human being who eventually broke down from stress and loneliness. I do wish him well and am also grateful that at least I am healthy again for whatever life has next in store for me. Comment: Your husband is an asshole and has no idea what marriage is actually about. I suffered a major injury 6 months after my wedding that required several surgeries and a long recovery. My husband had to do everything because I couldn’t even walk and was on heavy pain medication for almost a year. I mean, he had to help me shower, help me with personal care, things you do not expect to have to do as as newlyweds. I would cry and apologize to him and he would tell me I was ridiculous and this was the “in sickness or in health” part of our marriage and this was what he signed up for. We had kids after a long period of infertility and I eventually developed chronic conditions that leave me in pain, with brain fog, severe fatigue, and a lot of anxiety and depression. I even broke down at one point and told him this wasn’t fair to him, that he should be able to be with someone that wasn’t broken forever (I even threw out that I wouldn’t hold it against him if he wanted to take on a mistress even though it would absolutely kill me). That man sat me down and told me that this is what marriage is. We take care of each other at our worst and at our best. We’re partners and friends and he would choose me and our life with all of its ups and downs a million times if it meant he could be with me. That is what marriage is. Your husband gave up when shit got hard and I’m sorry but LIFE is hard. When you get married, it should be to the person you want to do the good and the bad with. Do not give your husband a pass because life got hard for a while. ETA: First, thank you for the awards. I really didn’t expect this to get this crazy and the notifications are a little overwhelming. I’ve seen several comments that my marriage seems unbalanced and in one case, that I’m a “taker” and my husband will probably off himself when he can’t meet my standards. First, please consider being kind to people you don’t know because you have no idea what they have going on. Kindness costs you nothing. Second, this was literally two paragraphs about specific topics I thought the OP needed to hear so she didn’t excuse the way her husband treated her. I’ve been married for almost 20 years and it would take pages and pages for me to go through all the things my husband and I have dealt with over the years. I am functional and an active parent and partner in our home. He worked, I took care of our kids including a special needs child and took care of the house, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. Of course we argue and disagree, but we made a pact when we got married to never go to bed angry and we sit down and hash shit out. When he lost his beloved grandma within weeks of me miscarrying our first child, I asked him what he needed from me and gave him everything he asked for. When he lost his mom to COVID and couldn’t be with her when she passed, I took over everything because I could see him falling apart at the idea of having to tell everyone and arrange everything. I build him up every time he struggles with imposter syndrome with his job because the man is brilliant and has no idea. Our marriage isn’t a scorecard that we keep tally of who’s doing more. I showed my husband this post and he actually agreed with the person that said a husband doing what he has is setting the bar low because to him, that’s just what marriage is. I’m his to take care of and he’s mine. OOP: Thank you for sharing your story...I am so sorry to hear about your injury and chronic health conditions. But it sounds like you have a magnificent man there. I hope there is someone out there who can love me that much And you're right, anyone who doesn't isn't worthy of being my spouse. The fact that he took HIS MISTRESS ON YOUR DATE would send me over the edge. what a complete and total lack of respect- not even counting all the rest he did, including cheating while you were ill. SMDH I am so sorry OP. I agree with introverted_panda. I suffered a series of health issues over the last 9 years and my husband never once looked to other women because I was sick or disable to the point of being able to do nothing. (Post concussion syndrome, cancer twice, chemo, heart attack) I hope you can find the love you deserve. Another Comment: So in sickness and in health truly meant fucking nothing to him? Vows meant nothing? You got Covid and it fucked you up for a while and he decided best thing to do was to cheat. What a fucking prick. What would he have done if you got cancer? Or some other illness? Is he only happy to stick around with someone if they are 100% healthy all the time? Thank god you never had kids. I’m sorry you’re going through this but fuck that guy. OOP: Yeah, I do see that now that he was not a good person to share my life with. It would have been far worse to share decades together only to have him cheat/leave if I got cancer or just declined due to age. It hurts a lot right now but I do think I dodged a bullet. And as I said above I'm grateful that I'm physically healthy now, plus we paid off all our debt and built up savings over the past year so I'm starting out my single life in a pretty good place all things considered. He took his AP to movie and dinner that you should have been the one going on, after he picked a fight with you and made you feel bad about yourself. Sorry but he has no redeeming qualities. Oh boohoo, he was lonely, while you were checks notes fighting for your life. Your ex ain’t shit. *Editor's Note: is hard to tell if OOP will post again, but the story doesn't seem like it's over, so I marked it ongoing. Let me know if you think differently. Reminder: I am not OOP. Do not go to the original posts and comment on them. submitted by /u/swtogirl to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

So, my husband (37M - let's call him Mark) and I (34F) have been having a rough few years. We got married in the fall of 2019 after being together for 5 years before then, and of course a few months after that the pandemic hit. I had the misfortune of getting a pretty bad case of Covid near the beginning of the pandemic (was hospitalized for two weeks) which turned into long Covid. I wasn't completely disabled but dealt with a lot of the typical symptoms - extreme fatigue, brain fog, reduced immune system generally resulting in several bad infections, etc. I didn't lose my job but did have to take intermittent FMLA which meant a lot of time without pay, and we racked up $20K in debt between the medical bills not covered by insurance and loss of some of my income. Although I tried to be mindful of my eating, I also gained 45 pounds thanks to being on antidepressants, several rounds of steroid medication, and not being able to exercise. Through all this, Mark was incredibly loving and supportive - he never said a bad word about my weight, lack of energy, or inability to contribute financially at the same level as before. Finally, last summer I started to feel a lot better, and most of the long Covid symptoms subsided. I was able to return to work full-time, and had energy to work out again. In the past year, we have paid off all our debt and rebuilt our emergency fund, and I have lost 35 of the 45 pounds I gained (my doctor says this is a good place for me to end up, I was borderline underweight before and am now on the slimmer side of a normal/healthy weight). Mark and I hadn't been having many date nights since we got married between the pandemic, my illness, and then for the past year working to get our finances in order. However, to celebrate my birthday, we decided to have dinner at an upscale bistro and then go see the Barbie movie (he actually suggested the movie). This was last Saturday - my actual birthday wasn't for a few more days but we wanted to go on the weekend. I was excited to dress up as - most of my clothes had gotten baggy and drab during my illness and weight gain but I was finally feeling comfortable in my own skin again. I decided to go full Barbiecore - pink sleeveless dress (fitted at the top and then flared out) and pink kitten heels with a matching bag. (The money for the outfit came from a birthday check from my mom - she insisted that I spend it on "something fun.") When I put on the outfit, I felt really pretty for the first time in a long time...unfortunately and surprisingly, Mark reacted badly to it. He said I looked "slutty" and "attention-seeking" and essentially accused me of trying to get the attention of other men and that I should cover up more. I protested because...first of all...we were going to a restaurant (table for 2) and a movie theater...when exactly was I going to be interacting socially with other men?! Also, the outfit was quite dramatic and striking but it wasn't revealing...sleeveless dresses are pretty normal date night wear for a hot summer day, and it wasn't low-cut (neckline was at the collarbone), and was on the longer side (calf-length). But I didn't want to argue so I put on a black knit cardigan over the dress. Nope, still no dice for Mark, he said it was still attention-seeking. At this point, I really wanted to get going and not miss our reservation, so I gave up on the dress and changed into fitted jeans and a pastel pink tunic top (not fitted). Nope, said Mark, I still looked like I was trying to attract other men. So I threw on a hoodie over the top but then he said I looked sloppy. I was really exasperated by this point and asked if he just wanted to come to my closet to pick an outfit that was acceptable, and he started yelling that I was too stupid to even understand that I was disrespecting him and that I didn't know how to dress myself. Then he said he was going for a drive and going to the movie without me (the tickets were on his phone). He came home after midnight, said he didn't want to talk and that he was going to sleep in the guest room. He has barely spoken to me since. My actual birthday was a couple days ago and he didn't even acknowledge it. I begged him to please talk to me and tell me what was really going on but he said he was still too angry. So, AITAH for not trying to change my clothes yet again before our date for my birthday? I still don't know what he was really upset about or what sort of outfit would have been acceptable. And no, he's never once tried to make rules about what I could wear or commented at all on my clothes except to tell me that I looked nice or that he liked certain colors on me. This really came out of nowhere as far as I can tell. And again he selected the Barbie movie and planned the date so it's not like I was strong-arming him into plans he didn't want. submitted by /u/Imaginary_Guide8273 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

I am not the original poster. That was u/Uninvited_1011, but she has since deleted her account. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. Another Florida Man story to cover up spoilers. On March 13, 2019, a Florida Man in a Spider-Man mask stole liquor from a liquor store. He was caught because he walked in first without the mask on, revealing his face. He left, went to a second hand store, bought the mask, and returned to steal. Trigger Warning: OOP mentions an eating disorder in her comments Mood Spoiler: honestly don't know what to put but nothing terrible happens Original Post: March 13, 2023 My (29F) friend Kate (28) has a boyfriend, Jamie (29), whom she has been with for nearly 3 years. We met Jamie on a night out, and I would say that although he's Kate's bf I consider him a friend. We share an interest in a particular sport that we text about sometimes and if I have a spare hospitality ticket to one of the sporting fixtures, I will sometimes invite Jamie to go. Jamie's 30th is coming up and Jamie and Kate planned a big party, and I peripherally helped out with logistics when asked. A few days ago, Kate texted me. She asked if I wouldn't mind "toning down" my look for the party, and if I could send her a picture of what I was planning to wear. I asked her what this meant and after asking several times if she "really had to say it" she asked if I could dress (verbatim) "basically what [I] would consider frumpy" because she really didn't want to be outshone at her own boyfriend's birthday party. When I didn't reply right away she went on to say that she wanted Jamie's full attention that night, which she wouldn't get if I showed up dressed properly. I was a bit annoyed by what she was implying so I said if I was going to be so much of a concern for her, I'd rather just politely decline the invitation. Kate freaked out saying I was being immature by not coming just because I couldn't steal the spotlight. I said it wasn't about that, it was about her making me responsible for whether or not I draw her boyfriend's attention, which is something I've never tried to do nor done as far as I'm aware. She then said it was really important to Jamie that she stand out because his friends and colleagues would be there. I just told her that again, if she was so worried I was going to be distracting everyone, I'd rather not come than feel humiliated from now until the event. I said I would send her Jamie's gift and she could tell him why I wasn't coming. I guess she didn't tell him the reason because Jamie messaged me saying he knows I'm "booked" the night of the party but he'd really like it if I could be there, and asked if I could reorganise so I could come. I hadn't replied, but I got a message from Kate saying she knows Jamie is trying to get me to come and please could I just put my pride aside and come to the party. I asked if she was going to ditch the outfit policing, but she said no, so I said I would not be coming. She didn't reply, but I've since received a couple of texts from mutual friends saying that while her request is ridiculous, Kate is aware of that, she's just desperate to be seen a certain way and even if it's pathetic I would probably feel the same way in her shoes. Other friends I've told (who don't know Kate) say I should not bow to the pressure and that she's nuts for even asking, and I don't disagree, but also I feel bad skipping the party when it's Jamie's birthday and he asked specifically that I come. So, should I be going? Relevant Comments: Info: I know this is probably gonna sound bad but how good are you two looking compared to each other? OOP: "Lol this is the world's most uncomfortable and unfair question that absolutely needs to be answered really. I am considered more conventionally attractive than Kate, and have been since we were in school. I will say, over the years, I've had certain enhancements so the way I look now is not entirely natural so is probably not a fair comparison anyway, but of the two of us I've always received more male attention. I obviously don't think male attention is the goal or be all end all of life, but I can admit it might be a factor in Kate's thinking here." Are you and Jamie (the fiancé) actually friends? "Yeah, we're really friends. I'm married, so even if he was single, I wouldn't be. And even if we were both single, he wouldn't be my type, and I've known Kate long enough that she should know that." Is your husband going to the party? "He will be travelling for work. But even if he was home, he has an incredibly demanding job and after a 17 hour work day the last thing he wants to do is go to party, especially with people he doesn't really mesh with. I don't blame him haha it's not his vibe." Any chance Jamie is into you? "I really hope not. I was with my husband the night we met Jamie. He actually came over with his boss who was trying to hit on me lol. That was be crazy if he had liked me from then knowing I was taken." "I don't think he's into me, he's never given me reason to think he is. That said, I probably wouldn't know because why would he even hint at that if it were the case. Kate has never said he is, he's never said he is, so I'm going to presume that's not the case." Lots of questions about how OOP dresses, etc. "I don't generally wear overly revealing clothing if that's what you mean. I take a lot of pride in the way I look, which includes being dressed well and appropriately for every occasion. I was never planning on showing up to the party in a latex cut out dress lol." "Nobody has ever felt the need to discuss my outfits with me before. I attend/host one formal/semi formal event a week on average, often more in summer, I work with a stylist to make sure I'm always dressed appropriately, and no one has ever said anything negative about the way I present myself. Jamie's party is semi-formal. I know because I helped them book the venue." Why can't she wear something toned down? "It's not that it would kill me, but a) I don't know what "tone it down" means. I own the clothes I own, they fit how they fit, and thanks in no small part to a boatload of aestheticians, my face and body are what they are, I'm genuinely not sure what she wants me to do, and b) she didn't say "a little" she said "frumpy" which to me means she wants to pointedly underdress for the event, which is fundamentally embarrassing and in my opinion quite rude to show up to an event purposely not being mindful of how formal it is. So no, it wouldn't kill me, but it would make me stand out, just not in a positive way." People question why she texts Jamie and/or is his friend: "Why am I texting him? Because we have a mutual interest, and since we met we've talked about that interest. I invite Jamie (maybe twice a year, not often) because my husband buys me "all access" type tickets for sporting fixtures and sometimes ends up not being able to go, and Jamie is the only other person I know who enjoys the sport, and I know he doesn't get the opportunity to go. Kate really doesn't like the sport, and when I've asked her if it's okay to invite Jamie she's always been enthusiastic about it. For his birthday, I did give them a pair of passes for one of the events, and all she did when I told her I'd send them was to complain that I got him a nicer gift than her. If Kate or Jamie has an issue with the boundary then I think it's fair to say it's their responsibility to communicate that." OOP is voted NTA Update Post: March 21, 2023 (A week later) First of all, thank to everyone for the advice. Most responses were not what I was expecting and really gave me a lot to think about. As surprised as I was that so many people said to tell Jamie, I did realise it was the right thing to do. So, I texted him and told him that Kate was insisting I dressed a certain way. Jamie called and explained. A couple of months ago, Jamie and Kate were out with a few of his friends (these same friends that I mentioned in my comments are not fond of Kate), and everyone had had a lot to drink. They were talking about how they met their SOs, and the story of Jamie and Kate meeting came up. Apparently during the telling of the story Kate asked Jamie why he had decided to hit on her rather than me, and one of his friends joked that it was because he knew he didn't have a shot with "the hot one" - me. Kate asked if this was true, and Jamie having had WAY too much to drink, explained in a way that made it sound kind of true. He said he did notice me that night and thought I was attractive, just seeing me. He said he would never have approached me because he knew he would never have a chance with someone like me, so in that way, his friend was right. He said that speaking to Kate was the absolute best outcome because he loves her and plans on spending the rest of his life with her, but even knowing this, Kate has taken this extremely hard, and even though she says she is over it, he's noticed changes in her behaviour that seem to be related to that. He also admitted that he'd been planning to propose to Kate at the party and that is why he'd wanted me to be there, but after hearing this on top of the way she has been handling the situation previously, he won't be doing that anymore. After speaking to Jamie, I called Kate. She admitted that she had tied a lot of her self worth in the fact that she'd finally been picked over me and now it felt like that wasn't true. She apologised for trying to solve her insecurities through me, but also said she wasn't sure she would be able to have me in her life as much as I had been with the way she's been feeling. As hurt as I was, I said I understood. She said she still wanted me to come to the party, since I'd helped organise it and she obviously dropped the absurd dress code, so I will be going to the party. I trust that Kate will communicate her boundaries to Jamie but I don't plan on inviting him to any more events for the foreseeable future. I'm really sad that I've probably lost a longtime friend over the drunken awkwardness of other people, but I also get that Kate can't help how she feels, and frankly it's for the best not to be in a secret competition. So, yeah, I'm hurt, but I'm going to the party. Not a satisfying update, but an honest one. UPDATE: (Same Day, Same Post) Going through these comments has actually brought up a couple of memories that have, in hindsight, made me a bit uncomfortable, and I actually don’t think I will end up going to this party. As much as the mutual friends will have questions and I don’t know how much of the truth I will end up telling, I feel too weird right now to continue to be involved in this situation. Relevant Comments: (OOP had a lot of comments with lots of info, but I tried to keep it as concise as possible) More info on the boss hitting on her situation: "I don't know if he did, but his boss came over and paid for our drinks and was very full on with hitting on me, and he introduced Jamie in a very much "and this is my friend" type way. I don't know if he'd have come over to talk to Kate but he said point blank he would never have come over to talk to me." People comment that it comes across like she's thinking highly of her own beauty in comparison: "I'm pretty sure most people have been seen across a room by someone and that person has thought they were attractive. That happens to the vast majority of people at one point or another. My point is, you almost never end up with those people because in the end, that's not what matters." "I'm "the hot one" in the relative bubble of this group of people. I have a friend group where I'm not "the hot one". I am aware I'm generally considered good looking but I'm definitely not just "the hot one" in any given situation. And it is a shame people care so much about looks, especially where women are concerned. Just because I happen to acknowledge that I benefit from that, it doesn't mean I think it's a nice thing. Short of taking some kind of militant stance and disfiguring myself, I can't do anything about people thinking I'm attractive. But I also make it a point not to make my life about that, because I know how little being attractive feels like anything most of the time." Pretty privilege and having work done: "I had a boob job, because after 6 years of different eating disorders, the weight loss/gain cycle had done some not so nice things to my body that I wanted corrected. And I never liked my nose. And yeah, my life is better because of how I look. I wouldn't be married to my husband if this wasn't how I looked. I go backwards and forwards some days on whether I like these facts or not. It's not about having a cross to bear so much as not thinking it's fair to be made to feel like the way I look is an inconvenience to the people around me, which is how I felt through this whole thing. No one has to feel sorry for me for the way I look and as much as I feel bad for Kate that Jamie and his friends did a dick-ish thing, I don't feel sorry for how she looks either. I feel bad that a years long friendship has been ruined over something as petty as looks." Regarding her husband liking her for her looks originally: "And this is coming from someone whose husband did (or says he did anyway haha) see them across the room and have a "I have to meet her" moment. I love that for him, but he's not the only man who's seen me across the room and wanted to talk to me, but I didn't end up with any of them because lasting relationships go so far beyond that. And in the years since, he's seen hotter women, it doesn't tarnish our relationship." People asked why it mattered to her so much that her friend asked, because it doesn't hurt to ask: "Well, I sort of used ask and demand interchangeably there, but fundamentally, asking someone to dress "frumpy" (which would have been inappropriate for the style of the event because it is a formal party) because you don't want people to look at them (again, debatable how much this even would have happened) is pretty crappy, in my opinion. I like to see my friends being their best selves all the time. I've celebrated every achievement and milestone in my friends' lives whether or not that's something I could achieve or would have wanted to in another life. That's just what friendship means to me. And as much as people would like to make out that I don't ever suffer from insecurity or jealousy, of course I do, but I will never make that. friend's problem to solve, and make them feel like something that only has to do with me has to do with them because it doesn't. That's not being a friend, to me. Especially because Kate knows that how I dress is as much a part of who I am as my sense of humour, and I have always done it to alleviate social anxiety, not as some ploy to draw people's attention. If Kate had asked everyone to dress down for whatever reason, that's one thing, but asking only me (and then telling our other friends about it) is making me directly responsible for the feelings she is dealing when I'm not. For me, friendship is enjoying each other as you are, not bartering for "first" position on an imaginary podium. And if you don't enjoy being around that person anymore, just don't be friends with them, don't ask them to pander to you, because what's going to be left of an authentic friendship in the end?" A few people criticize her for not being sadder for Kate: "I already said what Jamie said was shitty, and what his friends said is shitty. I've met them multiple times, they're kind of shitty people in general, I'm just not surprised one of them pulled that kind of crap, frankly. And no, Jamie and I would not have hit it off. I was dating my now-husband at the time, and even if it I wasn't, never in a million years would I have hit it off with Jamie, I don't like him like that, we are very different people, we do not vibe on that level. I am absolutely sad for Kate that this is how things played out, and I'm sad that years of friendship has to go down the drain over Jamie because my God is he not worth it. But, I have realised over the course of this whole incident that Jamie is not the beginning and end of the issues between me and Kate. Her self esteem being partially dependent on "winning" over me in a competition I didn't know we were in isn't the way you think about a friend, and it was never how I thought about her. And for her to try to embarrass me, or pull me up for some imagined slight based on something that never had anything to do with me in the first place isn't being a good friend either. And I would have worked on it, honestly I would have, because I love her, but she doesn't want to, which is fine, but I won't be pretending she was in the right for how she's handled this in regard to me because she isn't." One more surprise: someone asks if Jamie thought of himself as better looking, would he have gone for her? "In an uncomfortable twist, I've worked out it's actually not because of his looks. It's because he's not richer." "This is super weird, because I've literally only been putting the pieces together in the last few hours since this all happened. But yeah, looking back on it, Jamie has always teased me (in group situations, not over text or in any inappropriate way) about dating successful men (this is a running joke amongst my friends hence how he knows about it). He's also said a lot of things in the vein of "if you're a guy it's not about looks, it's about money". OMG. It's all coming back to me now. One time him and Kate were out with me and my husband and Kate and I were in the loo, and my husband and Jamie were talking about cars and he mentioned my new car and (jokingly) how he spoils me and Jamie said something like "well yeah, girls like her, you have to, don't you". And me and my husband laughed about it at the time because we thought it was him making a dig at me but looking back on it, now I'm like... Ugh, this is getting gross." Annnnd some people criticize her for not staying friends with Kate: "I don't plan on being friends with Jamie after this, so I have dropped him. As I said in the update, Kate doesn't feel she wants to be my friend right now. That's totally fine, but I'm also not going to run after Kate and beg her to be my friend because honestly she didn't handle this right. For someone who has been my friend for more than a decade to take her issues with her admittedly crappy boyfriend out on me when I had no part in it, and then attempting to use me to rectify a slight I didn't even know about and certainly didn't commit, that's not her being a good friend either. I was her friend long before Jamie's. Long enough to deserve honesty and better from her." Edit because people are wondering where she works: Someone asks if she is a sugar baby: "Stay at home wife, actually." ​ submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Just for a fun exploration as well as to create a safe space for acceptance, I would like to enumerate all of the trivial and absurd things people have said men cannot do because it wasn't "manly" or "masculine" in an attempt to expose and reverse the damaging statements. Let's free ourselves of this stupidity together. Share any you have experienced and I will add it to the list below! As people have repeated answers, I've put the tally of the total responses. Crying x9 Fruity alcoholic drinks x8 (esp in martini cocktail glass) Not liking sports x6 Wearing nail polish x5 Being vegetarian/vegan x6 Sitting down to pee x5 Sitting with your legs crossed x5 liking cats X5 Being a feminist x4 Cooking x 4 Having long hair X5 Washing your hands after you pee x3 Having plants x3 Drinking alcohol other than beer x3 -ironically beer was invented and sold by women first Expressing your emotions x3 using lotion x3 Liking wine x3 Not liking alcohol(being sober) x3 Wanting a relationship x4 Dancing x2 Having epilepsy x2 Baking x3 Being bisexual x3 Enjoying cartoons with female characters X2 Doing cardio x2 Liking flowers x2 Wearing pink x2 Fancy chocolate x2 Not being excited about hunting/fishing x2 Calling out other men when they catcall women x2 Not wanting to participate in violence x2 Liking board games x2 Listening to pop music x2 Being indecisive x2 Not being competitive x2 Being a passenger in a car with SO x2 Skincare/haircare x2 Doing theatre or acting in general x2 liking romance novels/movies/anime x2 hugging male friends x2 not wanting sex all the time x3 being autistic x2 Being close friends with women x4 Wearing floral prints x2 Having a female role modelx2 Wearing colors that are not blue, grey or black, Pastel colours Wearing jewelry Wearing makeup Wearing heels Wearing certain types of fabric Holding your children's hands Skipping Smiling at people Drinking Frappucinos at Starbucks Eating a salad Having accessories in colors other than blue, grey or black Enjoying cudling Doing nice things for people you love Cuddling children Calling things cute Being referred to as pretty or cute Being flexible Singing Poetry Painting Being excited about things Talking a lot Interior decorating Having close male friends Reading books with female characters Liking romance Knitting/Crocheting Gardening Liking butterflies Not working myself to death Being emotionally supportive of friends and loved ones Telling non-sexual non-partners (especially male) that I love them Having nostalgic childhood toys like stuffed toys on display Caring about social justice Bulky sweaters Decorating your house Indoor voice Being afraid Cleaning Knowing how to treat stains Neat handwriting Chewing on things Caring about social justice Wearing fitted clothing. Not reacting when someone insults you. Trying to understand someone else's point of view when they wrong you. Rejecting the fact that I am feminine just because I'm a heterosexual man Being sick Expressing discomfort Liking drama Reading Shojo manga Not being excited about cars Not being excited about guns Not being comfortable getting naked around other men Liking sunsets Photography Crop tops Skirts putting relationships/mental health/family above career or profession. Defending women, or even just not participating in, from sexist nonsense like catcalls or disgusting "locker room talk" Certain beverages or food items also are stupidly "not manly" usually tend to be things that are sweet, as though men can't have a sweet tooth from time to time. Being vegetarian/just not eating meat all the time Not working out every day Playing sports other than physical contact ones Letting a s/o make most of the decisions in a relationship Not having facial hair Not having body hair in general Not wanting to drink underage Shopping eco-friendly Having a clean apartment Using hand gestures “Letting” women pay on dates Using hair conditioner Manicures Pedicures Brushing long hair Sewing Making/giving cute gifts to people you care about Liking Miniature painting Liking Wargaming wearing pearls according to my father-in-law, calling something “an outfit.” Being quiet or just calm Taking care of your appearance or what you eat Stopping drinking alcohol before being completely drunk (was also told eating something before going for drinks was not manly) Caring about the environment Drinking herbal tea Asking for help seeing a psychologist Liking your hair being played with Enjoying gentle physical touch Moaning during sex Enjoying someone kissing your body Being nice to people in the service industry Having sexual relations with other men Complementing women in a way that’s is not sexual such as on their style/shoes/nails etc Using an umbrella Majoring/working in the arts, social science, or humanities Painting walls colors that are not blue, black, gray, or neutrals Volleyball Piercings caring about storylines more than action not liking sports for the purposes of competition Treating women with respect Using hair dye/neon hair dye Driving a convertible being overtly interested in style and fashion. wearing earrings wearing skinny jeans liking cute fluffy animals having stuffed animals collecting toys sometimes liking metal music being depressed having piercings having problems never having dated, had sex, been married, or been in a relationship having sexual issues being submissive in any way Having a female boss or supervisor Listening to women Not liking bacon Eating sausage Doing cardio playing basketball using chapstick driving a small car drinking smoothies Changing diapers Washing baby Doing laundry Cooking for a baby Wearing a baby Pushing a pram Voluntarily taking your baby for a walk because YOU want to spend quality time Being a good dad in general Not wanting to be naked in front of other men Liking privacy when you pee Being dainty Pooping in a public restroom Helping my mother by bringing a particularly heavy serving dish in the dining room Not helping for outdoor tasks because of a fractured vertebra Suggesting to share outdoor tasks with my sisters (we already share indoor tasks with them) Not liking getting my ass groped Drinking Sangria coughing when you smoke Reading books with female main characters Writing a college literature paper with a feminist analysis of a children's book Listening to soft classical music Liking poodles over most other dog breeds Being madly in love with someone Going to the doctor Wearing loafers Not liking beer or most brown liquors (whiskey, bourbon, etc.) Crossing your legs at the knee/thigh Wearing briefs/boxer briefs (as opposed to boxers) Any and all skin care or self-care in general Wearing shorts above the knee Being a good SO/partner in general (more specifically in hetero relationships) Being born in the spring or summer Wanting to watch romantic comedies or the "chick flick" Saying no to a woman's advances Thinking that female comedians are funny Doing the dishes Vacuuming Never having been in a physical fight in my adult life presenting your nails with hand extended Being disabled Not liking spicy food Hanging out with girls Having girls as friends or best friends Enjoying small talk Laughing Being modest Being uncomfortable with your body (especially showing it) Not liking physical contact with other men / rough contact Falling asleep around other people Being silly/playful Being sexually submissive Being vocal during sex drinking from a straw Doing squats Liking musicals Using a popsocket on your phone Having my drawstrings hang outside of my pants referring to your chest as "boobs. Having a cute small feminine looking dog Talking about real feelings and depression with friends Skincare beyond simply washing your face (moisturizer, cover-up, etc) mending clothes/replacing buttons not being in the mood for sex shaving/waxing body hair like legs/armpits Liking My Little Pony meditation using bodycare was that isn't in the men's section not being religious enjoying pieces of work by women jazz unisex shirts Using an (artistic) picture of a woman as my profile pic on social media. Playing as a woman whenever I have the option in a videogame. My lips naturally being of a bright red color. Liking men Playing certain wind instruments, especially the flute and piccolo Tying your shirt around your waist - (this was in fashion around when I was in 7th grade, but by 8th grade, the "guys" had started making fun of kids who still did it) Being anything other than heterosexual Carrying a handbag or fanny pack Wearing underwear outside the "norm" (boxers, boxer-briefs, briefs, jockey shorts) Following safety rules in general (safety glasses, ear protection, wearing seatbelt, asking for help when lifting something heavy, wearing a helmet or protective clothing on a motorcycle, driving the speed limit, etc). Getting first aid/medical treatment wearing a scarf enjoying anal stimulation shaving your armpits not liking war themed movies / not liking violent video games playing with dolls vacuuming taking care of your kid, especially for banal things like changing a diaper, taking them to an appointment or to the park to play watching what you eat not knowing how to drive stick Laughing at women's jokes Acting Going to college Majoring in a social science being "willing" to date trans women Sleeping with a blanket Getting food poisoning Getting a cast put on my broken wrist Not using chewing tobacco Driving a car (instead of a pick-up truck) Driving a van (instead of a pick-up truck) Driving a small pick-up truck Supporting and agreeing with the general claims and causes of feminism. Not being interested in joining the military or the police. Having a high-pitched voice. Practicing ballet dancing. Not knowing how to drive/not being a very skillful driver. Going to therapy Scented candles eating vegetables watching Queer Eye liking female artists, watching cartoons caring about how my hair looks. having dinner with another man at a restaurant Not being attracted to someone conventionally attractive Smoking weed Cat-walking! social anxiety (timidness) bad posture singing in falsetto when the bills are under your wife’s name Having a vasectomy Doing gymnastics wearing rainboots listening to music made by women reading books written by women (https://www.wattpad.com/918915702-the-princess-without-hair-chapter-1-splitting-more) having a small dog being liberal/leftist disliking porn calling out misogyny calling out racism using they/them pronouns correctly knowing your own pronouns knowing female anatomy not making your wife take your surname I once saw a guy tell his girlfriend he doesn't do "that gay kissing shit" Wearing a headband to keep my hair out of my face Having a lunch box that was purple Telling another guy his haircut looks good Watching TV at night instead of fixing things in my garage (even though I don't have a garage 🤷) Enjoying superhero movies Having my septum pierced Enjoying floral scents having a speech impediment Being sweet and considerate toward others. Not being comfortable undressing at the gym. Despising catcalling. ordering a chai latte. Tying your shoelaces Rowing a boat Watching Ru Pauls Drag race. Singing and loving Highschool Musical! stating that another man is attractive apologizing for running/bumping into someone playing with your hair having long hair without viking beard being compassionate opening up about problems accepting help Drinking cocktails or milkshakes having your right ear pierced Rollerskating Suntanning Sending sweet texts to your friends just because you thought about them Calling your extended group friends to check in and catch up every 90days-ish Keeping a diary or journal being content with your station in life (not being ambitious or doing every little thing possible for more $$$$ or salary) Not making everything monetary or transactional. Doing stuff for people for free and being friendly. Playing female characters in videogames Caring about your skin and hair Plucking eyebrows Shaving/trimming/waxing body hair Being into fashion Having a 'gay voice' Being short Having small hands carrying a plastic takeout bag by the handles, instead of holding the container wrapped in the plastic bag. Having matching furniture Not owning a car Working in a caring profession (nursing, social work, childcare, elder care, etc) Not liking bars or nightclubs Preferring non-competitive exercise (solo bike ride or weights at home) Doing lateral dumbell raises in the gym Doesn’t laugh at sexist/homophobic/transphobic jokes. Drive with backrest in an upright position Being called cute by a girl interested in you putting cash in my wallet the wrong way carrying my gym bag while only using one strap Making sweets (chocolate candy) Not being into football(soccer). Being down/sad/depressed. Playing "childish" games with my kids (i.e. tea party / dolls with my daughter) Drinking soy milk Liking anal play Using apple products Having been sexually assaulted talking about uncomfortable/unwanted touching and flirting from either gender Riding a Harley Sportsters riding a scooter Complaining superhero movies wanting to wear deodorant that smells like sugar cookies Wearing Shorts Not wearing blue jeans and instead wearing khakis or sweatpants Not drinking Leaving food on your plate Stretching before a workout Eating a salad for lunch Taking your car to the mechanic Having a headache Driving a car (as opposed to a truck) Drinking tea (both hot and iced) Stopping to look at a butterfly Wearing a backpack Wearing non-white socks Listening to any music performed by a woman Sweating Any exercise other than weights being skinny, using an umbrella to block out the sun. Using a lot of emojis or for some men, emojis at all. Being put together and organized Playing as a female character. Going to AA Not finishing my coffee apparently asking a friend which shoes/shirt/pants/accessory goes best with your outfit. Having a cyan water bottle cross-stitch Giving a reach-around Eating bologna Knowing what a cowl neck sweater Making jewelry walk in a quiet, discreet way Talking to other humans openly. liking art being interested in fashion enjoying conversation Wanting kids, being an active parent, being compassionate with your children. Eating yogurt being kind and accepting of everyone Depression and anxiety taking care of health (skin, hair, nails, using moisturizer) plucking eyebrows being clean-shaven and not having any facial hair having very little body hair Not knowing everything about your car or cars in general. Taking medication for medical problems Having a period as a transman Having a lanyard for your keys Going down on a woman I ran out of characters and can't update it anymore!!!! ​ submitted by /u/Ancient-Abs to r/MensLib [link] [comments]