Hospital Bag Checklist

Can anyone share their hospital bag checklist please? I've seen sooooo many lists and videos but they all have lots of stuff I don't think is necessary so it's hard to nail down just the essentials! ! What would be really helpful, is also knowing how many and what sizes to pack of vests, sleepsuits etc. Thanks 🙂

..., this is Saint Vitus Hospital, in Denver. You were transferred ...This is a Vought international hospital." Ah. Saint Vitus. Vought was ... ever going to a hospital before?" Well… "No, I don't. ..., and then an IV bag was connected to the same ... it to the IV bag as we went. I had ... a connection to this hospital and probably infinite money for ...he was running through a checklist. I nodded. "This," he said, ...

... go straight home after the hospital even though the hospital usually gives you some... hurts to have your diaper bag, packed, and ready to go. ... always do the hats. The Hospital provide fit them so I ... and they have a great checklist and then of course anything ...

I just got my sister the quince hospital essential set. It’s a bamboo gown, robe, briefs & cashmere socks with the grippys. She can wear it for labor & post partum. I also made her on canva a hospital bag checklist & pumping guide. All the things I wish I would have had compiled and didn’t have to scour the internet trying to figure out

.... Enter the Ideal Enemy Conditions Checklist. A simple set of criteria... of the Ideal Enemy Conditions Checklist. The second half was comprised... gun into a disposable paper bag with a bunch of seasoning... weight. He then scrunched the bag up into a ball. Wound... rushed his body to the hospital where the doctors were able ...

.... She pulled out a handsized bag from within her cloak, which... proceeded to delicately open the bag for her, letting her scoop... hero and crook, switching her bag with another while hissing anytime ... its own. Opening up the bag, wincing at the motion, she ... Forward could give her a checklist. She wasn't even sure what ... get it checked at a hospital." His words were dull. Cindy ...

.... She pulled out a handsized bag from within her cloak, which... proceeded to delicately open the bag for her, letting her scoop... hero and crook, switching her bag with another while hissing anytime ... its own. Opening up the bag, wincing at the motion, she ... Forward could give her a checklist. She wasn't even sure what ... get it checked at a hospital." His words were dull. Cindy ...

... vet tools, and a reusable checklist to inspire nurturing play and... FOR ON-THE-GO FUN – Handy tote bag keeps all accessories neatly stored... vets to take their pet hospital wherever they go BOOSTS CONFIDENCE...

When did you guys start packing your hospital bag and does anyone have a good checklist of what’s needed to pack? submitted by /u/kel_noelle to r/pregnant [link] [comments]

*Posting on a burner for privacy reasons* Hey everyone! I'm due with my first here any time and am struggling to pack my hospital bag for labor. I have asked my midwives numerous times if there is anything specific that I need to pack that the hospital I plan on using does not provide and they will not give me an answer. I keep getting told to "just look up hospital bag checklists" but there are so many out there and they drastically vary. I plan on using Methodist West. But. Does anyone that has used them able to tell me exactly what they don't provide that I would need to pack or what you guys here packed? Do they supply everything needed for baby? Do they supply pacifiers? Do I pack a few bottles? Do I need to take our diaper bag with essentials? Any guidance would be very grateful submitted by /u/DoughnutAmbitious820 to r/desmoines [link] [comments]

FTM here and would love to hear other moms’ input on my hospital bag checklist! Anything I’m missing or anything I don’t really need? We have to commute to labor and delivery in the next town over so I just want to be prepared as possible! Without overpacking TOO much lol. I also don’t really know what hospitals usually provide for mom and baby. My doctor said they provide everything for baby aside from the going home outfit and to just bring things I need and want for myself. But if there seems to be trend of what is and isn’t provided I will definitely adjust my list! submitted by /u/FreckledPapaya to r/BabyBumps [link] [comments]

am i missing anything important to put in my hospital bag? • clothing for me • clothing for baby • pillow & blanket • towel • shower sandals • long phone charger • chapstick • nursing bras • peri bottle • hairbrush • shampoo, conditioner, body wash, loofa, face wash, face moisturizer, body lotion, deodorant, toothbrush, toothpaste & mouthwash • baby blanket • fan • slippers • socks • folder • airpods • water bottle • vitamins • car seat submitted by /u/Conscious-Display-71 to r/NewMomStuff [link] [comments]

am i missing anything important to put in my hospital bag? • clothing for me • clothing for baby • pillow & blanket • towel • shower sandals • long phone charger • chapstick • nursing bras • peri bottle • hairbrush • shampoo, conditioner, body wash, loofa, face wash, face moisturizer, body lotion, deodorant, toothbrush, toothpaste & mouthwash • baby blanket • fan • slippers • socks • folder • airpods • water bottle • vitamins • car seat submitted by /u/Conscious-Display-71 to r/pregnant [link] [comments]

We are in week 30 and some few days. Communication between my wife and I really broke down over the last week, and she said it's nothing to do with me. I took the answer and just gave her enough space. She still has not started communicating as openly like we used to, but I decided to make myself helpful by starting on the hospital checklist. That is all I could think of to help her, Is it too early to start preparing my hospital checklist, though I am not installing the car seqt soon. It has been a tough week for our relationship, I know everything will be alright. submitted by /u/Dazzling_Flamingo938 to r/predaddit [link] [comments]

I'm 34 weeks FTM and finished packing my go bag a few days ago. The things I packed were based on a checklist from the hospital plus things I've heard from others that could be useful during labor. My husband and I did a hospital tour back in December and, as a minimalist, he was delighted when the guide told us we don't need to pack a lot and that they can usually tell when a FTM is delivering based on how much stuff they bring. In total, I have two bags packed: a carry-on suitcase and a weekender bag. The carry-on includes packing cubes with my clothes (2 nursing gowns, bras, thin robe, grippy socks, and a going home outfit), baby's clothes (3 outfits - premie, NB, and 0-3m bc idk how big/small this baby will be + a couple hats and headbands), and my husband's clothes (shorts, 3 tshirts, jeans, swim shorts for the labor tub). I've also packed my toiletry bag and thinnest microfiber towel because I don't like the hospital toiletries and their scratchy small towels. With all that, I didn't have to use the extended zipper on the suitcase. In the weekender bag, I've packed all my labor "tools" and comfort items: a portable fan (I run hot), extra long charger, labor comb, a small portable sound machine, Bluetooth speaker, a weighted teddy bear (might leave this at home), mini massage gun, and Instax camera. My husband keeps asking me if I need all this and how much the average person packs for the hospital. My OB also recommended bringing a pillow from home since the hospital pillows aren't the most comfy. So did I pack too much? Should I pare down? submitted by /u/West-Signature-7522 to r/BabyBumps [link] [comments]

Seems like double charting to me😡 submitted by /u/Few-Calligrapher-698 to r/nursing [link] [comments]

Hi friends. I’m 33w2d with baby #2 and realizing I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. With my firstborn, we never packed a hospital bag because she showed up preterm at 35 weeks, so we basically just panic-threw random items into a tote bag like we were fleeing the country. This time I’m trying to be slightly more prepared and not show up to L&D with nothing but a phone charger and vibes. Some context: I’ll be exclusively formula feeding (EFF) from the start Planning on a VBAC, but repeat C-section is obviously still possible My husband won’t be staying overnight because we don’t have overnight childcare for our toddler, just for the birth. Someone bought me the Frida postpartum kit off our registry, which is great but beyond that I’m lost. Every time I try to look this up on social media I get a momfluencer telling me I need matching silk pajamas, a 10-step skincare routine, a Stanley cup, a $400 “birth affirmation candle” and an Amazon storefront link that makes me feel like I’m being upsold for my own delivery. So I’m asking real parents, not influencers ... what do I ACTUALLY need in a hospital bag? What did you use? What did you bring that was totally pointless? What did you desperately wish you had? Bonus points for VBAC + C-section overlap advice, and anything helpful for the fact that I may be doing some nights solo. Thank you in advance for saving me from overpacking like I’m going to a spa retreat instead of giving birth 🙃 submitted by /u/cosmicvoyager333 to r/pregnant [link] [comments]

As the title says, I see a lot of information about what needs to be packed for a vaginal delivery, but I just wanted to check whether there’s anything different for a scheduled C-section, things I might need or not need because of that. Thank you in advance! submitted by /u/CarelessBrilliant923 to r/CsectionCentral [link] [comments]

I’m 36+5 today and finalising my hospital bag (it’s been packed for weeks but I can’t stop going over it and double checking). My hospital “bag” currently consists of a carry on size suitcase and a duffle bag. It feels like a lot. I’ve used a couple of checklists - including ones found on this sub - and I can’t seem to condense it any further. The biggest things I have in the bags are a towel for myself and a pillow for myself/my fiancé. Will I look silly taking this much stuff to this hospital with me? submitted by /u/Dabbles-In-Irony to r/PregnancyUK [link] [comments]

I just turned 40 and a couple of years ago I had a pretty brutal realization: I grew up with a ton of advantages, but no one ever explained what they were or how to use them … so I just… didn’t. And now they’re pretty much gone. I grew up upper middle class around a lot of rich kids. Good public schools in a wealthy suburb. Did well academically. Got into a top liberal arts college. My dad was head of emergency pediatrics in a major city. My mom worked in international banking and later even taught post-grad classes about job placement. Loving, supportive parents. Never wanted for anything. From the outside, it sounds like being born in third base (and it was). But here’s the thing: I had no idea how any of that was supposed to translate into an actual career or life. School was presented to me as a checklist: • Get good grades ✅ • Do extracurriculars ✅ • Get into a good college ✅ That was it. Education felt like an obligation you completed so you could go live your “real life” after class. I wasn’t taught to explore interests, build relationships with professors, use career offices, or think strategically. I just learned how to get A’s and move on. So that’s what I did. example: my senior thesis. I picked a topic, researched, wrote it over months, and turned it in a 100+ paper. I barely met with my advisor outside the initial proposal. After I handed it in, he dropped me a full letter grade because I was “supposed” to be meeting regularly. But he never told me that, never said that part of my grade relied on that. I genuinely didn’t know that. I was given an assignment. I did it. I thought that was the job. I never went to my college career office. I assumed it would be as useless as my high school guidance counselor had been. I never thought of classmates as future professional connections, they were just friends I hung out with and had personal bonds with. I never asked any friends’ parents about jobs because… they were my friends’ parents. We avoided parents. Networking, in my mind, was something you build yourself through work. Even after graduating from a top private college, the only places I applied for jobs were places from Craigslist and Monster, etc. That’s it. I was basically job hunting like I had no network at all because that’s all I knew. I struggled hard after college. Ended up bagging groceries for about five years while also working 80–100 hours a week trying to break into film production. Eventually I caught a big break with an unpaid internship that turned into a real path. I built everything in that world myself, through people I personally met. The 80hr weeks and a weekend job lasted till I was around 37. I’m proud of that grind. I really am. But here’s what hit me in my 30s: I didn’t have to start from zero. If I’d wanted to go into medicine, my dad had deep hospital connections all over NYC. I could’ve shadowed, gotten placements, guidance, probably even help with med school. I didn’t know that was a thing. If I’d wanted to go into finance or banking, my mom had contacts. I didn’t know that was a thing either. She never introduced me to people or spoke about ideas and openings. I remember after I graduated, frustrated, I told my Mom that maybe I’ll get a job as a bank teller and work my way up. She told me that that’s not how it’s done… and that’s all. No one ever said: “Hey, these are doors you can knock on.” So I never knocked. My mom taught post-grad job placement and helped me make a résumé. That’s it. Not where to apply. Not how hiring actually works. Not how referrals matter. My dad never took me around the hospital or talked about what he loved or hated about medicine. Their worlds stayed totally outside of me. So I lived my early adult life like I was lower middle class with no safety net, because that’s all I knew. To be fair, my parents were loving and supportive. They helped with homework. They encouraged me. They were always there emotionally. They pressured and stressed me to get good grades on my tests. This isn’t about neglect. Even in school, the system failed me. My high school , one of the “best” public schools in the country, cared way more about AP scores and rankings than actual learning. Math and science were taught as test prep and memorization. No real labs, no curiosity, no real-world application. It killed any interest I had in STEM. I learned how to do well without caring. So when college came, I avoided those fields entirely, assuming it would be more of the same dry, soulless grind. I also had unpaid internships in advertising because I loved film. But they were pointless since I was given nothing to do (I had to actively ask my bosses for work) no mentorship, no responsibility, nothing to show for them. Just résumé lines. No one ever explained the hidden rules. It wasn’t until my early/mid-30s that I looked back and realized how many doors had been open that I never even saw. That realization was… crippling. Like waking up and realizing you left a winning lottery ticket in a drawer 15 years ago. Now I’m married to someone who came from nothing : immigrant family from Ukraine, no money, no connections and worked her ass off into a high-level tech career. She used to look at my background with jealousy until she met my parents and saw the full picture. That they gave me a great life, but never really prepared me to use any of it. She helped me see that both things can be true: • I’m responsible for my choices. (Which I always thought and best myself on) • And the lack of guidance absolutely mattered. (Which was new to me) I don’t want to dodge accountability. I made my decisions. I chose film. I chose independence. I insisted on paying my own rent as soon as I could. I built my network myself. So I’m curious: Has anyone else had this realization later in life? That you had privilege or advantages you just… didn’t know how to activate? That school taught you how to perform, but not how to navigate the world? submitted by /u/grooveman15 to r/findapath [link] [comments]

What is everyone’s go to hospital bag? What should I consider when choosing one? Also, what are “must have” items or checklist items to pack in your hospital bag. submitted by /u/StrikingTomato9218 to r/BabyBumps [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/geminimochi Why I Had to Drop Out as Maid of Honor Two Months Before the Wedding Originally posted to r/bridezillas Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU TRIGGER WARNING: death of a loved one, threats of suicide, entitlement, verbal abuse MOOD SPOILER: Unhinged Original Post July 17, 2024 *All names have been changed for privacy reasons *Edit: added the fallout and details following telling the bride of my decision I need to vent and get some advice. I was recently a Maid of Honor (MOH) for my friend Jamie's wedding, but I had to step down two months before the big day and three weeks before the bachelorette trip. Here's why. Jamie’s mom passed away six months before her wedding, which was incredibly tough for her. Just before her mom got sick, Jamie fired her original MOH for being “too cheap” and promoted my friend Hailey and I to be her dual MOHs. Given her mom's condition, we didn’t bother her about wedding planning, respecting her wishes. After her mom passed, we gave Jamie space but checked in to ensure she was okay and wanted to stick with the original dates she had planned. On a call planning the bridal shower and bachelorette, Jamie had an attitude and was distant. I expressed that I didn’t want the bachelorette trip on my birthday over Memorial Day weekend due to travel and cost issues and prior family plans. She was frustrated that our spending budget for the bridal shower was $200 each since it was just Hailey and I in the bridal party. Jamie expected us to cover everything, citing her mom's death. We explained our financial situations, which were tight, but offered help in other ways. Jamie then sent long texts expressing disappointment and saying we weren’t good friends. We tried to be understanding, given her emotional state. Then, she changed plans last minute, demanding we arrive a day early for a dress fitting. Unfortunately, I had been in a car accident and was dealing with nerve damage and sciatica. The drive from NJ to NH is typically six hours, so I planned to split it into two days for my back. Jamie was furious, calling us bad friends. When Hailey and I arrived, Jamie was cold and distant. She barely acknowledged that I had been in an accident replying "oh" and refused help from her fiancé to carry our heavy bags, even though he was just watching TV. After our long drive, they offered us three-day-old pizza, which we declined, suggesting we go out to eat. Jamie was frustrated and told us to pick the place. At the nail salon, Jamie excluded me from the conversation. On the way to pick up balloons, she almost caused an accident due to road rage. She then shared she wouldn’t talk to her sister-in-law after the honeymoon because she didn’t want her kids at the wedding, nor her fiancé’s grandma in the photos, despite how kind they had been to her. At dinner, Jamie’s fiancé joined, and they expected us to split the bill three ways, including Jamie’s portion. This was surprising since we had traveled far and spent a lot on planning. Back at the condo, Jamie and her fiancé accused us of being bad friends, primarily upset about my split drive. I explained my situation, but Jamie broke down, threatening to kill herself and demanding we come two days early to the wedding. The next day, after the bridal shower, Hailey and I decided we couldn’t continue as MOHs. We had to cancel all bachelorette trip reservations since they were under our credit cards. This was a heartbreaking decision, but we couldn’t handle the emotional and physical toll anymore. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you handle it? TL; DR: I stepped down as MOH for my friend Jamie's wedding after she became demanding and emotionally abusive following her mom's death. Despite our efforts to support her, she criticized us, made unreasonable demands, and became cold and distant. After a series of incidents, including her refusing help and threatening suicide, my friend Hailey and I decided to step down. It was a tough decision, but we couldn't handle the emotional and physical toll anymore. RELEVANT COMMENTS ihatemopping Well at least she found a groom that sounds as shitty as she is and their drama will keep them riding their emotional rollercoaster without any real friends or family to count on! Good thing OP got out! OOP She's one of those people who will latch onto her BF and ignore her friends when she's in a relationship. Her fiancé, her father, and her fiancé's friends are all she has left. She hates both of her sisters in laws, her brother, and her extended family on both sides. She is going to struggle through life. ~ Echo-Azore Sorry, OP, but if this person judges her friendships by whether people are willing to spend money they don't have on her wedding preparations... she's going to find herself with zero friends. People have gotten the idea that the bride should expect friends to spend money on her wedding from social media, and well. We all know how many lies there are on social media. No_Conclusion_128 Not just zero friends but what do you think will happen when fiance realizes she’s trying to cut off SIL and grandma? This girl will end up totally alone and I can’t sympathize at all OOP Her fiancé laughed about cutting his sister out of his life and talking shit behind her back. He is still hurt that she does not want his grandma in pictures, though. He is whipped beyond belief. I think he is part of enabling her bad behavior. ~ despicable-coffin How did it go when you told the bride you two were out? Are cutting ties with her? OOP My friend will be telling her today. She arrived at the decision a bit later than I did due to guilt if she were to harm herself. Over the phone, she was cold and distant. She did not take any accountability for her actions and then shifted blame towards myself and Hailey. She claimed I was the rude and disrespectful one. I kept my cool and didn't argue with her and said, "we can agree to disagree." She also asked towards the end of the call if I would still attend the wedding, and I told her no and that she could mark me down as a decline. & And yes, we are cutting ties with her as far as I'm concerned we are no longer friends. She has been blocked on all forms of social media along with her and the fiancé's number. OOP updated the Next Day - July 18, 2024 with the fallout after telling the bride she was stepping down The Fallout: Jamie reached out to Hailey the day after the bridal shower (this past Monday) and said she wanted to check on me because I seemed off at the bridal shower. At that point, I had my mind made up that I was going to drop out of the wedding. I had already called both my parents, who told me I should drop out, as it was hard for them to see how much duress I was under. At the shower, it was all over my face how upset I was. I was barely able to talk and was holding back tears, only able to give one-word answers, including to Jamie's father, who walked away after seeing how sad I was without asking how I was doing despite knowing about my accident. I told Hailey I would call Jamie later since I had physical therapy after work as well as regular therapy. My therapist also agreed I should drop out of the wedding due to concerns for my physical and mental health. After my therapy appointment, I called Hailey and let her know about my decision, and I offered to transfer all the info and reservations I had for Jamie's bachelorette party, which was in three weeks. I told her she could reach out to me if she needed help or had questions about anything I had set up or prepared. I was more concerned about how Hailey would take it since I did not want it to affect our friendship. She was very understanding of my decision and supported me. I tried to call Jamie around 10 p.m., but she didn't pick up. She told me she would call me after work on Tuesday. When we finally connected, Jamie tried to lead the call calmly. I told her I would step down from my role in the wedding and blamed it on my back injury. She didn't freak out until I mentioned feeling disrespected and unappreciated. Then she got mad and blamed Hailey and I for everything. She said the thing that bothered her the most was that I told her I couldn't afford to go to Nashville (her first choice for the bachelorette) and that I didn't want the bachelorette trip on my birthday weekend. She accused me of being lazy and only knowing how to tan by my pool. I was upset she felt entitled to how I spent my own birthday. I said we would have to agree to disagree and didn't argue. I apologized again for the situation and her mom's passing and left it at that. I informed Hailey of what we spoke about, and after that, Hailey decided she would step down as well. That night, we had to cancel each reservation we had for the bachelorette trip since they were under our credit cards. The next day (yesterday), Hailey told Jamie she would be stepping down. Jamie reiterated the same things that bothered her and ended up cursing out Hailey before hanging up. Hailey didn't have a chance to finish telling her that all the reservations were canceled, so she texted Jamie, who responded, "I appreciate you canceling the hotel last night before you even talked to me." This reaction just confirms that Hailey and I made the right decision to drop out of the wedding. Update Aug 26, 2025 (13 months later) Update: Bridezilla I Dropped as MOH Mailed Me Disturbing Letters, Old Keepsakes, and a Funeral Book on Her Wedding Anniversary One Year Later Update — And the Fallout Hi everyone. Last year, I posted about stepping down as MOH for my friend Jamie a few weeks before her wedding. At the time, I felt conflicted and guilty, but so many of you helped me see I had valid reasons to walk away. I wanted to give a follow-up now that it has been a year because what happened recently confirmed I wasn’t imagining things. Remember Hailey (the other bridesmaid)? She stayed longer than I did (a few days), but eventually, she experienced the same treatment I had. On the exact one-year anniversary of Jamie’s wedding, both of us received unexpected packages from her in the mail. Inside were multi-page typed letters. They were formal in tone and signed at the bottom with things like “Yours Truly” and “Your Perfect Match Little."” These were not apologies. They were long, rambling, and accusatory. In them, Jamie blamed us for “abandoning” her, questioned our character, dragged in our families, and even referenced very private things we had gone through in our personal lives. She compared our friendship to a “performance improvement plan,” said we were just a “chapter” in her life, and painted herself as the victim. She didn’t just send letters. She mailed back copies of old letters Hailey and I had written her years ago, returned like evidence. She included photos of us together. And most disturbingly, she sent me her mother’s funeral book, which had pictures of me and her mom inside the book from the service. None of these packages had a return address. The fact that she chose to do this on her wedding anniversary speaks volumes. Instead of celebrating her marriage, she spent that day digging up old letters, printing photos, writing pages of blame, and mailing them out. For Hailey, this was the final straw. For me, it was the validation I needed that my instincts had been right all along. I no longer feel guilty for stepping down. Looking back, I see a very clear pattern: love-bombing when she wanted something, guilt-tripping when she didn’t get her way, and rewriting history to make herself the victim. It wasn’t that I was a bad friend. This is simply how Jamie treats the people closest to her. If you are ever questioning whether it’s okay to walk away from a friendship that makes you feel drained, blamed, or unsafe, please know that it is. Sometimes, the healthiest and bravest thing you can do is create distance. TL;DR: A year after stepping down as MOH, Jamie mailed me and Hailey disturbing packets on her wedding anniversary: multi-page guilt letters, our old letters returned, photos, and even her mom’s funeral book with pictures of me inside. No return address. I no longer feel guilty, only relieved I walked away. Pictures of what she sent us after we left her wedding party! Editors Note: the pictures include: (1) 5 hello there there cards with a note saying happy birthday (2) a picture of the giant envelope it was sent in (addresses blacked out) (3) a strand of hair? (4/5/6/7/8) the next 5 pics are of a long text The text messages The bride: I'm feeling really hurt and disappointed with you right now, and ineed to share what's been weighing on my heart. As my sister and friend, I expected so much more from you during this time. You were the last bridesmaid to abandon me, and that really stings. "ve and guidance, but it for support always looked to you feels like you've turned your back when I needed you the most. I understand that things have been challenging for everyone, but your silence and distance hurt deeply. While others openly acted out and made their feelings known, you chose to hide away, which feltlike a betrayal. When I received the bachelorette shirts after you canceled everything without a word, it felt like a cruel reminder of what I lost and how alone 1 am in all of this. It's hard to process that you couldn't even be honest with me about your decision. This year has been incredibly tough for me, especially with losing Mom right before the wedding. I can't describe how devastating it's been, and I've been looking for support from the people closest to me. At the wake, i felt completely invisible. You sat in the back talking to everyone else, while was left feling isolated and alone in my grief. It broke my heart to see you there but not with me when i needed comfort the most. I know I may not get a response, but I had to get this off my chest. I really thought you would be there for me during one of the hardest times of my life. I just wish I could have felt your support instead of feeling abandoned. I hope one day we can talk about this, but for now, I needed to express how I feel. Hello! I know you've seen these I can see by now i know you’ve opened my letter just to SEE what i would say. not to feel it. not to hold it. u wanted to peek like child shaking a coffin before the lid closes. do u think im dumb?? i could hear u laughing already before ur eyes even moved across the page. ur silence was never silence, it was knives. every time u didnt text me i heard the echo of ur teeth grinding like the church bells when my mother was lowered down. did u think i wouldnt NOTICE. did u think i wouldnt KNOW. ur sitting there with ur checklist, ticking boxes: [redacted] cries here [redacted] mentions casket [redacted] sounds crazy HAHA. its all a little puppet show 2 u isn't it.well let me tell u, the strings are around ur neck too, and they get tighter every time u smirk at me. one day u will remember this and u will choke on it. choke choke choke. because grief doesnt die, it grows teeth. u think ur safe behind ur screen but i see u. iSEE YOU. stop pretending u don't read me like a story. im not a story im the fire in the walls. yours NOT truly, perfect match little (but u never deserved me)." (9) the envelope with a pile of pictures that were included (10) the funeral book (11/12) the pages of the funeral book showing pictures that were included in it (13/14) letter 1 Leter 1 Dear [redacted] As I sit here past the one-year anniversary of my mother's death, rereading our old letters from Big/Little Week, I am writing to express my deepest disappointment in you. I've always enjoyed your company, respected your kind heart, and really believed that we were a perfect match for a reason. I've always known that friends come and go, but I never thought that would apply to you. That thought alone breaks my heart. One day we were close, and the next it was over—the day after my bridal shower. When I asked why, I was told I was "too demanding" and that you didn't like "how things were handled." At a time when my world was falling apart and I reached out to a friend for support, only to instead be met with critique. A perfectly politically correct corporate performance review was presented to me. That moment felt like a slap in the face during the most vulnerable time of my life. I didn't share many details about what was happening behind the scenes, but since you never asked, let me paint you a picture. I sat through hours of traffic to be at her bedside in Boston every day. I escorted friends and family from the lobby to her hospital room to say their last goodbyes. I witnessed her sign her life away as her signature was permanently marked on the legal document claiming the right to stop treatment, because even the best doctors in the country could change the outcome. I sat at her bedside in hospice watching her organs shut down indicated as her vomit turned black. I received the call at 4:06pm on March 20, 2024 confirming she had died. I chose funeral flowers instead of wedding flowers. I crossed her name off my guest list. I knelt at her casket begging her soul to watch over me before witnessing my own father lift his deceased wife's body into the back of a hearse. That was my reality. And through it all, you were silent. No phone call or text message for eight weeks after she passed—phone records don't lie. Not even a simple "I'm thinking of you" text message while waiting in the airport terminal during one of your business trips. A text like that takes seconds. The sounds of your silence in a time of need were deafening, and I learned exactly where I stood. Grief doesn't require grand gestures. It just requires presence. But you weren't there. You stood at her casket. You saw her with your own eyes. And still, when I asked one simple question—"When do you think you'll be up for the wedding?"—I was met with coldness, as if my pain had become an inconvenience...A question I would've asked regardless of her death, and one I'm sure other brides have asked you when you've been in their bridal party. I know grief is messy and different for everyone, but what I needed wasn't fixing. I needed a friend who could sit with me in the dark without needing me to be anything other than what I was in that moment: broken, hurting, trying to get through it. Someone with understanding and patience who could recognize that a part of me died that day. I'll never be the person I used to be. What I needed was a friend who recognized that my world had changed completely—not someone who treated my pain like it was subject to evaluation. It felt like I was being put on a performance improvement plan for not healing fast enough or hitting the expected milestones of "getting better." Instead, your absence became part of my grief. The end of our friendship added another wound I didn't see coming. A pain layered on top of so many others. Grief is deep and unexplainable. I didn't handle everything perfectly, and I'm not claiming to. But until you can find me a checklist of rules that I was "supposed" to follow when grieving then I advise keeping the suggestions at bay in future situations. Honestly, I was always told you can count on friends, only until it's tested. I expected more compassion, especially from someone I once considered one of my closest friends. Especially one who went through a medical scare years ago with their own parent, herself. I'll never fully heal from losing my mom, but by writing these words I can say I have healed a small percentage. So, this is me letting go of what used to be and the person I was. I won't try to make sense of your silence anymore. I won't replay our last conversation over again to dissect how someone could be so cold. I can only go on in peace knowing I've said what I needed to say and that the reality is you were only a chapter of my life, not the whole story. The hurt you caused me has weighed me down for too long and I am choosing to move forward from you lighter and free. I wish you well in life, and I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for. Yours Truly, Your Perfect Match Little (15/16) letter 2 Letter 2 Dear [redacted], After seeing your photo with my mom in her obituary book, it occurred to me how much she treated you like a second daughter. So, in case you forgot I got you a copy. As you look through it, I hope you remember how much she was there for you—how much my entire family was. She supported you, looked out for you, and even brought you on multiple family vacations—including a FREE 7-day cruise. My mom always showed up for you. She was the first to text you on your birthday in 2019—check your phone records in case you've forgotten. She spent time on the phone with you during a "sexual harassment" case you were going through. You could've asked any professional, but she had the life advice but the motherly touch that know other professional could've given you. In 2023, as cancer was slowly taking over her body, she still made time for you, even when she didn't know how limited that time would be. Time she gave to you could have been spent with her family in her last year of life. Despite that history, you spoke so disrespectfully to my grieving father that he called me the morning of my bridal shower asking if we were in a fight. People noticed. Guests even asked me why my maid of honor looked so miserable. I don't care what personal issues you may have had with me—you don't disrespect my father that way. He had just lost his spouse of almost 40 years. A little grace would've gone a long way, even if you were just faking it. I was there for you during your breakup with [redacted]. When I came to visit you after your breakup, you said, "I'm glad you're here, I haven't been eating lately." Did you really think after finding out my mom has terminal cancer 8 months before my wedding that I was going ice skating or making tres leche cakes? I showed up when you needed someone, but when I need a shoulder to cry on—I was given the silent treatment at my own bridal shower, even when I was sobbing to you the night before about how much I had truly lost. There are a million men in the world—you'll have the chance to find love again. I'll never get another mom. You still have yours. So go hug her, call her, laugh with her. Do all the things I can't do anymore. Maybe one day, when you're in my shoes, you'll understand how much your absence hurt me. You used to be the friend who sent Easter cards and sympathy baskets. I never imagined you'd be capable of hurting me in a way that compounded my grief. I had to mourn the loss of our friendship at the same time as mourning my mom. I joined a sorority and thought I had found my newest best friend—someone who could make the [name redacted] motto "It's not four years, it's for life" reign true post-graduation. "It's not four years, it's for life" until your friend needs you. "It's not four years, it's for life" until you need to put someone else above yourself due to the traumatic hard time they're going through. "It's not four years, it's for life" until you have to be slightly inconvenienced due to someone grieving the loss of their mother 5 months before their wedding. Turns out it was four years—until I needed you. Until life got hard and uncomfortable for you. Until the crumbling world of your closest friend slightly inconvenienced you. I lost my support system. And in the weeks before my wedding, I realized that the person I thought I could count on had fully abandoned me when I needed her most. It was as if the rope I was hanging onto had been cut—when I looked up, you were holding the scissors. That kind of betrayal is not easy to forget. When my grandmother passed in 2021 and your plans to visit me got cancelled last-minute, you were shocked that [name redacted] questioned my commitment to our friendship. And yet, you came to my bridal shower and didn't speak to me the entire day. You acted heartbreakingly cold to my father and rude to relatives who had never even met you before. You had every intent, with a t-shirt already made, to attend my Bachelorette party. A custom-made t-shirt that said, "Match made in Heaven." Really? That's the shirt you gave someone 3 months after their mom just died and went to Heaven? Whether intentional or not, that was extremely hurtful. Unfortunately, even the dumbest people on Earth aren't that tone deaf and that was just intentional malicious behavior. You once said narcissism from [name redacted] ended your engagement. I think it's time for some honest self-reflection. In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends. So, this is where I leave it. I needed to say these things, not to hurt you, but to let you know how much you hurt me. I'll always be grateful for the good times we shared, and know that we won't even be a faint memory. I never anticipated that our friendship would end the way it did. This is my long overdue much needed closure, because I can't carry the heartache any longer. I wish you well. Yours Truly, Your non-blood related sister (17) the final text The text The Bride I know you got my package in the mail u think i dont SEE it?? u think i forgot??? i lost my whole suport system & u were suppose 2 be the rope i held onto but no. NO. u were the scissors. u CUT me loose while i was dangling over the dark. betrayal like that doesn't just vanish. I can still feel it in my skin. when my grandma died 2021 i thought u wuld be there. i thought u would understand. but no u came 2 my bridal shower & u didn't even TALK to me the ENTIRE day. cold like ice to my father. rude 2 people who NEVER even met u. do u kno how insane that was for me?? do u kno how ppl ASKED ME what was wrong with u??? and then THE SHIRT. god. the SHIRT. custom made MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN 3 months after my mom died???? r u sick. u evil. like who DOES that. who wears something like that to someone's bachelorette knowing the mom is freshly dead & gone to heaven. u laughed when i saw it. i kno u did. even dumb ppl wuldn't be that tone deaf. so dont lie to urself—u meant it. Fuckkkkkkkk you my mom hates you and will curse you in heaven and u kno what? u once said narcissism ended your relationship.....lol look at urself. maybe project much?? maybe time for some honest reflection bc all i see is silence silence silence when i needed presence. Fuck you the silence of friends HURTS more than words of enemies. i felt it every second. every day. u pretended u didn't know but i felt the cut. i still do. Stabbed me in my back you bitch so yeah. this is my closure. LONG overdue. the wound is open, it bleeds every time i remember ur face at my shower, ur coldness, ur shirt, ur scissors. i needed to text you and write to you since you blocked me right after you ripped my heart open and made me cry and manipulated heather too into hating me i called u sister. non-blood but sister. & u killed that. maybe ur proud. maybe u think im crazy but im FREE now bc i said it. & u can choke on the silence that u left me in. Answer me RELEVANT COMMENTS Infinite_Finding_523 Wait, she created a funeral book about her mom just to send it to you?! Or is it “the” funeral book that she’s expecting you to return? Either way, that’s completely unhinged! Were yours & Hailey’s letters identical? Do you know if the original MOH got a package? Feel free to ignore all these questions, I’m just curious because it’s genuinely crazy. Honestly, sounds like a good excuse to get together with them, have food & wine & light up the fire place. Sorry you had to deal with all of that but you’re life is almost certainly better without someone like her in it. Also, I hope your physical recovery has been going well! OOP Thanks so much for your kind words. To clarify, her family did make those funeral books for everyone who attended, but she sent one specifically to me, and in it, she included photos of me with her mom. That’s where it went from sad to creepy. The letters themselves were just as unsettling. If you can’t open the Google Drive, here are some highlights: She kept trying to “remind me” of how much her mom did for me, even listing things like texting me on my birthday in 2019 and calling me during a sexual harassment case I went through at work. She framed this as proof that I owed eternal loyalty. She claimed I was “disrespectful” to her grieving father because I didn’t fake sympathy to his satisfaction and even complained that guests noticed. She told me, “There are a million men in the world you’ll find love again. I’ll never get another mom.” Basically throwing my breakup in my face to make me feel guilty for not prioritizing her wedding over my own grief. She accused me of “abandoning” her during her mom’s illness, saying I only dropped out of the wedding because I didn’t want to be inconvenienced. To clarify my "disrespect" was having tears in my eyes and not feeling like I could talk to him because Jamie had screamed at Hailey and I the night before threatening suicide if we didnt do exactly what she wanted. She wrote that I treated her grief like it was “subject to evaluation,” saying it felt like I put her on a “performance improvement plan” because she wasn’t healing fast enough. She even dragged in my past ex engagement, writing that narcissism ended it and that I needed “honest self-reflection.""” She closed with creepy sign-offs like “Yours Truly, Your Perfect Match Little” and “Your non-blood related sister.” It was pages of this. No apology, no accountability, just guilt-tripping, manipulation, and dragging up private details I had shared in confidence. The timing (exactly one year after the wedding) makes it feel even more calculated, like she wanted to reopen wounds on purpose. I’ve been thinking about reaching out to the original MOH to see if she got something, too, because I can’t imagine Hailey and I were the only ones. And I love your idea. Honestly, it is the perfect excuse to pour some wine, light up the fireplace, and celebrate a “freedom anniversary."" THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not OP. That is u/Constant_Barnacle992 who posted to r/TrueOffMyChest TW: neglect Big thanks to u/LucyAriaRose for letting me know about the update Original Boru 2nd Boru New post will be marked with 🛑🛑🛑. Original Post April 22nd, 2024 TL;DR skip to the bottom. I (m43) try to do my best to provide for my wife (f38) and 2 kids (3,5) as well as my MIL and would like to think I am doing a decent job. Over the years, I worked to improve our family’s living situation, not only did I complete another bachelors and recently masters in a STEM related degree, I at the same time worked 2 full time jobs (while completing my 2nd bachelors) and put my wife through school as well. She completed a degree where she could make good money (~60-70k/yr) in a healthcare field that always has jobs available. But with the birth of our 2 kids, she has since “gave up” on her career to be a SAHM for the time being. At first it was a struggle while I was finishing up my masters. Once I completed it, after our youngest turned 3 my career took a jump up and we are now able to afford our single income household in a more feasible manner. We’re far from rich but do ok for a single income family of 4 (a little north of 150k base+ bonuses). The past year life was overwhelming per my wife, so even though I now work 75% from home, I budgeted to hire a daytime nanny to help her around the house with 1 child while the other is in school now My day starts everyday around 530-6am. I get the house ready for the day before the nanny comes at 8am, I get our oldest up and ready for school, breakfast made, and plan out my day, bring our oldest to drop off, and be home in time to let the nanny in. My most recent task at work has me grounded for the next 2 months meaning I am now 100% WFH, while this is nice, I am busy in meetings all day as my role manages teams on a global scale as I oversee projects from my industry. For the past 1 ½ months, I realized… my wife as much as she says her life is stressful at home… starts at 10am. I asked my MIL and nanny if this was always the case after a week or so of wfh, and they both responded more or less… sometimes earlier sometimes later. My wife literally wakes up and cooks and then scrolls through her phone or shops from home… which brings me to my gripe. I am glad I am able to provide her that sort of life since we both grew up lacking in means. I get the possibility of postpartum depression, the stress of having kids, the feeling of being unfulfilled, the fact that I probably am a shitty husband… but for what it’s worth… everything is taken care of and then some. I manage the houses finances (she claimed she was too busy to do so), pay all the household bills, I pay my own personal bills, I pay her bills, track and perform all the upkeep of our house appliances/cars/pets/etc., and I also “help” pay for my MIL’s medical bills and car note. …but apparently my life is on easy street compared to hers. I can't decompress to her because it seems like she always feels the need to 1 up me. I had a bad day… but she had it worse cause I’m lucky I got to go away and work… My feet hurt from walking all day during work travel, which is nothing compared to her standing and cooking with a child clinging to her. For the past 2 or so years… I’ve been told I ruined her life, her opportunities, etc… but when I reminded her of what she says, she denies and dodges accountability. My MIL has brought me aside and stated she’s noticed a change in both myself and my wife. I have a greater attachment to my kids and hell… I’ve hugged the dogs and talked to them more about my life than to my wife. I honestly feel like I am in emotional survival mode as I’m one step from moving up the career ladder and one step away from finding love and comfort from the bottom of a whiskey bottle. I’m sure I’ll be hearing from the manly men of reddit about how I’m simping… but I’m not a machine. I just want to know and feel that someone I prioritize aside from my kids appreciates and loves me for what I do… I’m sure I’ll hear from the stay at home moms of reddit… which is fine. I grew up in a single parent/mother household. It’s not easy… and honestly with the help of her mother and a nanny Mon-Fri, for one toddler while another child is at school… Can you honestly tell me she’s having the typical SAHM experience? Because neither my friends or colleagues who are single parents can say she is. I’m sure the masses of holier than thou redditors will consider this a poorly written fanfic, but it is what it is. TL;DR Long story short, It feels as if my wife has checked out of our marriage… we’re only roommates where she can still reap the marriage benefits. I’m not asking for her to throw herself at me all the time and let me do whatever I want… I really just want to be told I’m doing good and just offer me some form of emotional comfort as simple as a hug, but I guess as the man who ruined her life, I deserve it. *Thank you for the replies. To add more context: Never cheated. I do work in an industry that has a large female population, but I’m literally an open book with work, name colleagues and staff under me, she has access to my work agendas and correspondence if she really wanted to snoop, but on that note she still doesn’t know what exactly I do for a living at this time… We as whole family her parents and mine have tried to get her to go to therapy but she refuses or skirts around the issue. Aside from my coming from a single mother household perse, my biological dad was present in my life. She has had both parents in a reportedly monogamous marriage for over 40 years. I have tried to talk to her about everything and my own feelings but again… 1 upmanship tends to be the trend here. What I am getting out of the marriage was asked… now, aside from my 2 beautiful kids, I’ve been asking myself that same question. We have a near nonexistent sex life mainly since last year. I always figured maybe it’s part of depression or whatever she may be going through… maybe I’m just not attractive enough or just horrible in bed because of my health conditions… I’m not some super model husband but temptation and opportunity does knock and I can perform still but I never give in, because as cliche as it sounds I honestly do love my wife and want to only be with her. I’ll give credit where credit is due as I don’t want to sound biased: when I say she wakes up and cooks she cooks for everyone in the house. Myself, kids, MIL, and even nanny. Aside from breakfast she cooks all meals and snacks. I typically fast until lunch time and our oldest tends to eat a small simple breakfast incase they don’t like what school serves that morning. She does load both the kids and her laundry… but seldomly folds and puts them up. I typically do my own and the rest of my clothes I dry clean because they’re work clothes. She does keep track of our pantry and fridge? But after she makes the list I’m the one who goes out and buys everything if not delivered. She does clean our bathrooms and house 50% of the time, the other 50 is done by either MIL or myself or sometime nanny if she feels like being extra helpful. Prior to nanny, my MIL was the main help for my wife up until she had unexpected medical needs. So I opted to hire a nanny to help them both, more so when MIL is having treatments and recovering. UPDATE 06May2024. Not sure if anyone would read this, but thank you for those who have reached out and chit chatted. While I know I’ve kept my newfound friends here updated, I figured I just update my post and keep it short. I showed my wife my post the following weekend and she read it and all the comments. Long story short, argument, she left our house to stay with her sister, and I’ve been a “single parent” since. It’s sad to say, aside from the goodnights to our kids it’s all pretty much the same routine. Nothing much else to say other than thank you for all the kind words of encouragement. ***just need to add, this post got bigger than I expected from a venting post but I’ve responded to a few comments. Nonetheless, thank you for the comments and DMs… and more so for the offers to let me ruin your life ha. It’s been the highlight of my day/night as I sit here drinking with my dog while everyone else is asleep. It feels depressingly sad that I feel that I have to turn to random internet strangers for some sort of validation in my rant. My apologies in advance as I try to keep this as vague as possible. I ruined my wife’s life… again June 3rd, 2024 I just wanted to update those who have been kind enough to check up via DM and comments. Apologies in advance for the lengthy post. It’s a bit of irony and coincidence that I made a follow up from the update on 06May2024 I made on my original post during men’s mental health awareness month but I could really use another outlet outside of my therapist. My apologies if this isn’t the story book ending/destroying of a relationship people were hoping for… To save you a read. Wife left. Came back like nothing happened. She made it about her. Nothings changed. I’m continuing to be suffering mentally knowing nothing will change while trying to keep it together for our kids. Lots of take out. The day after she packed up and left, my wife attempted to come back and take the kids with her to her sister’s. Naturally I was against this and thankfully so was her whole family including said sister. Not only was it not fair to our kids for her to sweep them away into a home that’s not theirs but to put that financial and housing stress on the rest of her family since she doesn’t work and her sister and her family (husband and 3 kids) stays with their dad in the house they grew up in. After a little over a week of being away, I guess she cooled off so she just decided that it would be fine if she walked in the door with her bags as if she just came back from Target. She came into my office while I was working and angrily stared at me while I sat on a conference call meeting with my team and I couldn't just jump off as this is a busy time of the quarter for us. I guess that didn’t sit well with her because once I took off my headset and closed my laptop she started yelling at me about how much I really don’t care about her and her well being overall. At that moment I couldn't do anything more than look at her and just shake my head. Mother in law came in after hearing my wife yelling and pulled her away, telling her to not bother me, while our nanny kept our youngest away from it all on the other side of the house. That night after the kids were put to bed, I sat in my office by myself with a drink as I have been doing for the past nights and my wife came in. We talked. We argued. We cried. We drank. One thing led to another and we were in bed. I wish I could say that was our making up but the next sobering morning as we laid there, she went on about how hard it was for her the time she was gone. Literally… it was about her struggles staying at her family house in her old room with her dad and sister’s family. How lucky I am to be able to stay here and do this and that and buy this or do that and not stress as much as they did. How easy MY and everyone else's in our family lives are compared to hers even though we had similar upbringings… My mind and heart broke that morning. I’ve been spiraling down since then and this last week I made another attempt to reconcile and talk things out, but I was met with a shouting match while trying to express my current stress and anxieties with life and work in general: Wife: ”... well do you know how hard this is all for me? You’re supposed to help me be happy.” Me: “So when it comes to my happiness, stress, needs, and overall well being… fk me get over it right? ” Wife: “ We all have our own problems, you need to figure it out and get over them.” I don't know who the woman I am at home with is but that wasn’t the woman I married and vowed to spend my life with and raise our kids together. Since that conversation, I’ve been noticeably distant with her. I’ve been sleeping in my office or on the couch or with my kids in their bed after putting either one of them to sleep. Still doesn't change her starting her day at 10am… and sitting on her phone talking to her mom groups between cooking meals with the kids in both mother in law and nanny’s care. Nothing has changed and I doubt that anything will change. Sadly, I think even if we got a divorce, nothing would change or feel different anyway since during my wife’s leaving the days seemed like any other day except with a little more take out than usual. My main fear there isn’t that I wouldn’t just lose my wife, I’d lose my kids in the process. So I guess it’s sad to say the grand finale to my story with like alot of men and some women I’ve talked to here, I’ll just continue to smile and suffer in silence. *First off, thank you for all the comments and DMs.Some context and clarification since admittingly my post was emotionally charged since I typed it up after another argument. * Post birth, our kids pediatrician’s office gave my wife those PostPartum Depression screening forms and during the time of both she scored pretty high and was suggested to see a therapist. With our second child she scored significantly higher and we or I should say I made an effort to get her the help she needs. She refused, so entered mother-in-law and nanny for support… I know what people will say/think, but this is one of the reasons I am not 100% ready to just give up and file our life together away. Also, I know silently suffering in the near and long run of our kids' future will not add to a healthy atmosphere, but neither would a bitter and hate filled divorce. I know some have compared it to the ripping off a bandage, saying it’ll hurt at first but that pain goes away but I’d rather try to spare my kids thinking that their parents ended up hating each other because of them or something along those lines. I’ve told a few ppl I talk to in DM since my last post, a little more insight on my personal life, prior to my promotion I was a PM managing teams and budgets so out of habit I plan for a lot of “what ifs.”. That being said, I made a number of contingency plans if sadly things went south. So, yes I: Have talked to a lawyer, 3 actually. Know our rights and what each of us are entitled to. Have a draft settlement created and on hold until I feel I need to use it. I know what I want and am willing to offer more than what is fair for our kids' well being, but also have a plan if we end up going to court. It’s 100% on me that I’m suffering in silence, but I’m too stubborn to just give up so while I am venting, I don't expect anyone to “feel sorry for me”. I endure it to keep the norm our kids know, ensure my MIL’s treatments go uninterrupted, and of course the hope my wife would finally be open to give therapy a shot and climb together to a better place. Thank you all again. I ruined my wife’s life… so I ruined everyone else’s too July 1st, 2024 First and foremost TL;DR: I’m done. Wife said I don't do and am not shit in front of the therapist and family fathers day dinner. She got served. She mad. She is trying to act perfect and I’m just waiting while taking care of my family (kids, my mom, and MIL). Oh well, I’ll just ruin everyone else's life too in my family Secondly,to clear some confusion… I did NOT get 2 bachelors and a masters while working 2 jobs at the same time as some readers are assuming. Bachelors #1 graduated in the early 2000s. Bachelors #2 via online years (2 classes a semester) later while working 2 full time jobs (job #1 hospital 36/48 schedule job #2 big box store 32-40hrs spread out 7 days a week) to pay for both my and my wife's tuition because she decided to go back to school before we had kids… After graduating from Bachelor’s #2 and entering the industry I am in now, I was able to work 1 job and get my masters. So no I did not get 3 degrees at the same time or in that close succession… and I am surprised that I actually have to spell this out as someone working 2 jobs while going to school isn't that uncommon, or at least that’s what I thought? My wife chooses not to work. She DOES technically have a job. She just barely works it to the point we forget she has a job, as in she worked 1 day 4-5 months ago for 8 hours on a Tuesday kind of barely works. Her job and manager is really supportive (Flex PRN model) and gives her a list of days they need coverage and she can choose to pick up a shift or not. While she can work more and only does just enough to keep up her license, she complains to our family of her career being on hold for one reason or the other although she has the opportunity to work more if she opted to. All things considered she has an available supportive circle around her for either decision she falls on. Our family, her job, and I have made multiple offers and taken many steps to open that door for her to go back to work, i.e. Nanny, MIL moved in to help, I work from home, her crazy flex prn schedule, etc. etc… but here we are. I am and have been in therapy for myself already. Aside from what I deal with at home, my work can be very debilitating in regard to my mental health as well as physical at times. Since I can't find the support I need mentally and physically at home with my wife, I’ve opted to attend therapy rather than find comfort with someone outside of the home or at the bottom of a bottle. I’ve tried to express this to my wife and as mentioned in my previous post...she has a habit of 1 upping me… and here we are. My Inlaws are still married, given the circumstances in our home, my MIL moved in to help out my wife, while my SIL and her family moved back into their parent’s house due to their own reasons. SIL and her family can save money while getting back on their feet, and my wife and I benefit from MIL’s help and we can keep a closer eye on her while she undergoes bi monthly treatments . My wife by means of questionnaires is highly suspected to have PPD alongside with a history of symptomatic OCD, ADHD, amongst other ailments that over the years she refused to get evaluated for or refused to accept results given. I knew what I was getting into and I love and accepted my wife for these flaws as she did mine at the time… Spare me your “ i don't feel sorry for you” or pity. I am like every other man who fell in love and wanted to give my person the best of me and the world I can offer… but again, here we are. There’s a lot of manly men/redpill nation guys out there complaining and saying I’m “simping” over my wife. While I respect your own opinions and perspectives, I will outright say, if this situation was only affecting my life… I would’ve left a long time ago. As one redditor said in a past comment that stuck to me, “I am the kind of person that will take a bullet for his kids…” maybe it’s in a different context intended, but to protect my children from any harm physically or mentally… I’ll take the proverbial bullet if and as needed. I’d like to think other dad’s out there would respond to the duty to protect their children, and that’s why I endured as much as I have. For the time being I would rather my wife use me as an outlet for whatever her problems were vs. our kids. Thank you all for the comments and reaching out. I’ve met many strangers who have become great reddit pen pals and some who have been in the know of every step that has been progressing to this point. I am surprised at how far this has gone, from other subreddits, other platforms, and even YouTube. Love me, hate me, say it’s all fake, no matter where you stand thank you for all the constructive comments and DMs to check in. Our kids and myself are going to be alright moving forward. Now for the update. The end of an era. This will be shorter than some expected, as really there’s not much to say but just satiate the questions some of you may have had and give people the satisfaction of the “I told you so” moment on Reddit. After a hard push from our family via an “intervention,” my wife and I finally attempted to go to marriage counseling. I’m sure many of you can guess how well that went. Blame. Tears. Regrets. Gas lighting. With a side of I am the reason for her life being ruined and horrible. Again. Just this time in front of a licensed therapist instead of reddit or mom groups. In the end, everything the therapist suggested and noted went over her head and ignored as it was against the grain of her status quo. One thing I guess worth saying was the therapist asked if she could recall when she last truly felt happy. Her response was about 12 or so years ago. Please note, 12 years ago she was still in her 20’s. Childless. Living with her ex. A vastly different time and position in life. I know it’s petty of me but I guess if that’s when she was last happy, it wouldn’t be that far of a stretch for her to find that happiness again since her ex is in the same apartment, job, and place in life that he was 12 years ago. Which is fine, if that’s how you want to live life, I try not to judge but in my 40s with kids, going clubbing 3-4 days a week is not my jam anymore. And of course… I don't want my kids around a mom and company who drowns themselves in Whiteclaws. To add, I know some will ask, I know and can confirm she hasn’t physically cheated on me but can’t confirm if she did emotionally (if that’s the right term?). After said therapy session I checked all her phone record’s and didn’t see anything out of the ordinary, but I also didn’t bother to check apps like IG or Snapchat. I know I'm probably boring, but shout out to all the Costco dad’s who’s Sunday Funday includes making rounds with kids for samples. The following weekend was Father’s day, and this year as expected not that big of a celebration as it is for many dads out there. Our family got together to celebrate with a BBQ and just simple family time, and my wife treated it like any other day. Sleep in. Get up. Cook. Phone. Shop. Attempt to play with kids. Phone. During said family BBQ my wife said she felt ill, so she sat around most of the day while the rest of the family as a whole made the experience enjoyable. When everything was set up and the family all sat at the table, her parents and sister’s family, my mother, our kids, admittingly it was a great spread, nothing extravagant but just a great meal for everyone. I was conversing with my brother in law about both of our kids' school Father’s day activities and I assume my wife overheard when I mentioned that it was a little sad to see some kids sit alone without their fathers during the Breakfast with Dad event I attended. She blurted out with a laugh loud enough for the whole room to hear, “ It’s not like you do anything anyway, I could’ve gone instead…” At that moment I was red and at a loss for words sitting there processing what she said in my head, while the dining room went dead silent. My MIL broke the awkwardness and in response said,” Well… maybe if you feel that way, one of you should divorce the other.” My wife looked at my MIL confused that she would respond with that and laughed mockingly in my direction and with her hand pointing at me said, “ …as if another woman would want a man like him? Just look at you.” while the room sat silent. I was angry, heart broken, confused, and embarrassed all at the same time. In manly man fashion, I just nodded my head in silence, stood up, and picked up my keys and got in my truck and drove off to get a drink while trying to ignore the cries of the rest of the family and our kids telling me to stay. I don’t know what was said or done while I was out of the house the rest of Sunday, because I couldn't bring myself to check our house cameras, but when I returned early Monday morning, the house had a completely different feel. As usual, I woke up around 6, got the house and our oldest ready for school drop off. Checked emails. Checked messages, nothing out of the ordinary. As I was getting dressed to leave, my wife laid in our bed snoring lightly. All i could do was look at her and think of what we had… and now lost. I’ve decided. I’m done. I can't do this anymore. I texted my lawyer that morning to move forward with serving her. Fast forward to last week, she was served at our home (reminder to people I had no choice but to be there because I work from home). She had, I guess what you could call a mini meltdown and came into my office screaming how could I do this to her? Her mother intervened, and that was met with me supposedly turning her whole family against her. But I digress, I probably would’ve felt bad if it wasn’t immediately followed by the rest of her week acting as if she’s been this active and attentive wife and mother the past few years. Sure people can say she’s making an attempt.. but she’s made many “attempts” and historically we fall back to where we’ve been. For those curious, I am aiming for full or at least majority custody of our kids. I already and will continue to cover all the expenses for our kids, insurance, tuition (both of our kids are/will be attending private schools come fall), medical bills, etc. My MIL has given me the courage and strength that helped supplement my own mother’s support throughout this. Basically she is what I hoped the kind of mother/wife my wife would have been to our kids and me. Out of respect for my MIL as well as per my own mother’s shared wishes, I will continue to help oversee and contribute financial help if needed during her treatments. While some may feel I should cut their whole family off, I know the hardships pushed onto a family while dealing with cancer and have dealt with it first hand as a family member and care provider on both sides of the desk. All in all, I’m prepared to go to “war” if needed but I just want a clean no fuss divorce. My wife has no alimony coming, so sorry for the redditors and mommy gang facebook groups saying she needs to divorce me first and get that “sweet sweet alimony money.” 1. We live in a state that does not typically enforce alimony 2.she has a means of gainful employment immediately 3. To help curb any possible problems I will cover her insurance and bills until either divorce is finalized or when she gains full employment. So that’s that. I’m done and waiting for the steps to be taken for everything to be finalized. Sorry it wasn’t as exciting of a story with plot twist as some may have hoped for but that’s life. Not sure I’ll update this once it's all finalized, which probably won't be for a few more months depending if we go to “war” or not. 🛑🛑🛑. I ruined my wife’s life… and I don’t care anymore. Feb 19th, 2025 In respect to the subreddit, I guess I should get it off my chest that as much as I don’t want to care anymore, I still do to some degree. Thank you for all the comments, messages, and to the handful of people who have become reddit pen pals throughout my journey in this matter. It took some time for me to update as between adjusting to my new life and slowly cutting ties with the past and moving forward for our children, family, and work has been my priority. With that I wanted to provide an update for those who may have been curious. TL;DR Divorced finalized. She took the money and seemed to have spent dam near all of it. Kids are good. MIL is doing good. Promotion, salary increase, and new home to start new life in the new year for me. Overtime, taking household items from my house, and combining incomes with her bf to make 1/4 of what I make a month for her (Yes, shameless plug. Don’t judge me). I am moving on. I have no interest currently in romance and want to primarily focus on our kids. THE UPDATE Since my last update, I’ve been under the scrutiny of our social circles and labeled every typical “toxic man/husband” stereotype that Facebook, Tiktok, and Instagram has to offer. As much as I hate the saying I kind of understand the, “you know my name but not my story” posts now. With that said, these strangers or alienated family and friends can take their opinions and go fk themselves because in the end, if our kids are happy, healthy, and flourishing under my “toxic household,” what’s it to you? The more important updates: We’re divorced. I have majority custody, and even though my ex is now trying to be the present mother whenever her now busy schedule allows, it is too little too late. My MIL continues to be responding well to treatments and SIL has now taken over where my ex was supposed to be in helping oversee her care. Post divorce, I recently moved homes and jobs and accepted the next step forward career wise which my company has been kind enough to slowly transition me into the role as leadership understands what I am going through at home. Interestingly it’s amazing how “common” my story is amongst my colleagues and network, I am sad/happy(?) to say I am now one of the newer members of the fellowship of divorced Directors and Execs. As sad as it may sound, it is nice to know that many understand and are willing to offer a high degree of support, advice, assistance, and guidance as needed. The divorce itself was quick, but it still had it’s sad and angry moments and many of the people in my camp think my ex got away with robbery. But the fact that I was awarded majority custody and per agreement have our kids (almost) every day and know they’re safe under my roof is worth every cent. While I had no say or real cares how my ex moved forward with mediation as long as she agreed to terms, I think the biggest slap in the face to me was how she delegated her boyfriend as someone to “advise” her throughout this process, because “his opinion is more important than any lawyer who isn’t looking out for my best interest.” At this point, the holidays were around the corner, and I didn’t want this to disrupt the holidays for our kids and family. While I was prepared to go to court, my ex did not want to diminish her “payout” and I just wanted things over and done with. I’ll leave out the finer details of the terms, but in exchange for having majority custody and taking care of all expenses related to our children, I would give her that lump sum she was aiming for with no request of child support on my end. She kept all her tangible possessions i.e. car, bags, clothes, jewelry, I had to sell the home and split the profits from the sale and foot the bill on taxes, gave her almost all our joint bank accounts after legal fees and to top it off laughably she argued rights to alimony, which she’s not getting. As a PSA, don’t rely on your legal advice from Facebook groups. IN THE END REALITY SINKS IN I’d like to think overall I’m a simple man, all I wanted to do was get married, have a family, and provide. With that goal in mind, I somehow got into a position where my spouse was able to choose if she wanted to work or not and not worry about anything outside of our family. How it turned out like this, I can’t pinpoint. I’ll admit I am a bit oblivious of what I did, but maybe it’s my own fault as some ppl stated and I brought this onto myself. Post settlement, I ended up downsizing and closed on a smaller but spacious house for the 3 of us and our dog, with a separate generational suite in our backyard for my MIL to stay as she wished to stay involved in our kids care regardless of if I was married to her daughter or not. Honestly, I made sure that addition to the home was available for her because I hoped she would be able and open to help until the kids were a little bit older. For what it’s worth, it seems my ex found her happiness. Luxury trips in a short time frame she wanted, her bf and her moved to a bigger place to stay (luxury high rise studio but still no place for our kids to stay), her bf got his dream car, and a long list of expenses and shopping sprees that kind of benefited our kids if at all in any way sprinkled in her social media accounts. She’s rocking Cartier while our kids are sportin Carters. My ex came to visit our “cute little house” to visit our kids and MIL and complimented me on my choice of home and that I was able to keep up the status quo of our home without her. I’m sure many will see the irony in this. I’m not entirely sure her motive or if I’m just reading too deep into it, but she dropped lines about how stressful and expensive their living expenses (rent, utilities, cell/internet service, and insurance) are groceries are now and how surprised it cost to feed her, her bf, and whoever the hell else comes to their home. I’m not sure why but she initially was under the impression the generational suite was meant for her use when she has the time and wants to co-parent. She is even more tired and struggling with her schedule now because she works a total of 48hrs a week and forced to work overtime at times and her bf works but I didn’t dig or care about the details. But I do care that I think she thinks I don’t notice that she takes some of our usual household staples and items with her before she left. Mainly bottles of soap she always bought for our home, Sonicare replacement brush heads and other toiletries, a new unopened bottle of the Mountain Valley water from the fridge when she visits, and I may be reading too deep into something again but sometimes I find some of the Instax pics from the fridge missing. Usually its just of the kids or MIL and the kids, but a few were of the 4 of us in the past. Although her Whiteclaw fund takes precedence over their home’s Charmin 2 ply supply, I try to be as accommodating as possible so that she can still be involved with our kids, allowing her to drop by our home whenever (if ever) she can (still work primarily from home so I’m always here) and keeping her in the loop about their activities and such. It was nice to see she was able to make it to our youngest’s first Christmas school assembly, where our eldest’s had speaking parts in the play before work. Later that week, I brought our kids to bring her a plate of food on Christmas day at the hospital because she has holidays to work. I’d be lying if I said that didn’t hurt or that I didn’t feel uncomfortable with the stares and whispers from her co-workers while I waited for the kids to excitedly give her their presents and wish their mom a Merry Christmas. Even though she was trying to be welcoming, all I could do was say Merry Christmas and wave goodbye from the distance as we left. This past Christmas, with as many blessings I have to be thankful for, it all felt so hollow at the same time. During New Year eve, I embraced my inner Pinterest dad trying to make everything as festive and fun possible and copied ideas of doing a count down at 9PM for the kids with a balloon drop in our living room and popping some fireworks as soon as the sun set. On that note, I should mention that I re-discovered my love of cooking, something I did for years while a bachelor with my roommates and the stress of a 4- and 6-year-old insisting that they’re mini versions of Gorden Ramsey and can provide Michelin level sous chef services. With the kids tucked away and asleep, I rang in the new year with my dog and a drink. Scrolling on my phone with the sounds of fireworks popping in the distance, I saw that my ex was living her best life in her new life snap after snap after snap... So, I made a mental checklist for the end of 2024: - self-esteem – almost gone. - confidence – hanging by a thread. - ability to open and trust anyone outside of my current inner circle and dog – nonexistent. - Hatred towards my ex and her newfound life – surprisingly gone. All I could do is just laugh a little at the snap on my phone. She left me, she hurt me, but she did not destroy me. We’re now 2 different people with 2 different lives and I must move forward for the ones I owe it to. Other than the connection of our kids and some immediate family we have no more connections and I really have no interest in acting like I was in my 20’s in my 40’s and spending half my paycheck on liquor because its Tuesday and New Years Eve. Maybe I’m just boring, but I can and only want to focus on my kids and ensure that their lives and future is the best that I can provide. Ensure the people and projects I oversee stay afloat and going in this economy. And last, but not least, make sure both my mother and (ex-?) MIL are taken care of in the future moving forward. ADVICE FROM WHAT I LEARNED. To the men out there, if you’re in a similar situation, don’t give up hope. But keep in mind, actions, records, and overall proof speaks louder than your words. It’s an uphill battle, but no man has to fight it alone. Plan, Prepare, seek reputable counsel and advice, and in the end execute. As hard as it may be, stay focused and be as objective as possible in these times, and most importantly follow through with what you say and promise to your kids. To the women, stay off social media and comparing your life to others. Just kidding. The first piece of advice applies to anyone regardless of how you identify. I don’t think I’ll be updating anymore but I do plan to keep this alt just for my reddit pen pals so please feel free to say hi cause it’s nice to have new friends. I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts submitted by /u/secure-raspberry-763 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Hello, can you suggest what all is really needed in a hospital bag for mom and baby? I have seen hundreds of reels but I feel people are packing way too much stuff. What are the absolute essential items to keep? Also is it recommended to buy a breast pump in advance? Manual or electric? submitted by /u/Quiet-Grapefruit-241 to r/twoxindiamums [link] [comments]

In respect to the subreddit, I guess I should get it off my chest that as much as I don’t want to care anymore, I still do to some degree. Thank you for all the comments, messages, and to the handful of people who have become reddit pen pals throughout my journey in this matter. It took some time for me to update as between adjusting to my new life and slowly cutting ties with the past and moving forward for our children, family, and work has been my priority. With that I wanted to provide an update for those who may have been curious. TL;DR Divorced finalized. She took the money and seemed to have spent dam near all of it. Kids are good. MIL is doing good. Promotion, salary increase, and new home to start new life in the new year for me. Overtime, taking household items from my house, and combining incomes with her bf to make 1/4 of what I make a month for her (Yes, shameless plug. Don’t judge me). I am moving on. I have no interest currently in romance and want to primarily focus on our kids. THE UPDATE Since my last update, I’ve been under the scrutiny of our social circles and labeled every typical “toxic man/husband” stereotype that Facebook, Tiktok, and Instagram has to offer. As much as I hate the saying I kind of understand the, “you know my name but not my story” posts now. With that said, these strangers or alienated family and friends can take their opinions and go fk themselves because in the end, if our kids are happy, healthy, and flourishing under my “toxic household,” what’s it to you? The more important updates: We’re divorced. I have majority custody, and even though my ex is now trying to be the present mother whenever her now busy schedule allows, it is too little too late. My MIL continues to be responding well to treatments and SIL has now taken over where my ex was supposed to be in helping oversee her care. Post divorce, I recently moved homes and jobs and accepted the next step forward career wise which my company has been kind enough to slowly transition me into the role as leadership understands what I am going through at home. Interestingly it’s amazing how “common” my story is amongst my colleagues and network, I am sad/happy(?) to say I am now one of the newer members of the fellowship of divorced Directors and Execs. As sad as it may sound, it is nice to know that many understand and are willing to offer a high degree of support, advice, assistance, and guidance as needed. The divorce itself was quick, but it still had it’s sad and angry moments and many of the people in my camp think my ex got away with robbery. But the fact that I was awarded majority custody and per agreement have our kids (almost) every day and know they’re safe under my roof is worth every cent. While I had no say or real cares how my ex moved forward with mediation as long as she agreed to terms, I think the biggest slap in the face to me was how she delegated her boyfriend as someone to “advise” her throughout this process, because “his opinion is more important than any lawyer who isn’t looking out for my best interest.” At this point, the holidays were around the corner, and I didn’t want this to disrupt the holidays for our kids and family. While I was prepared to go to court, my ex did not want to diminish her “payout” and I just wanted things over and done with. I’ll leave out the finer details of the terms, but in exchange for having majority custody and taking care of all expenses related to our children, I would give her that lump sum she was aiming for with no request of child support on my end. She kept all her tangible possessions i.e. car, bags, clothes, jewelry, I had to sell the home and split the profits from the sale and foot the bill on taxes, gave her almost all our joint bank accounts after legal fees and to top it off laughably she argued rights to alimony, which she’s not getting. As a PSA, don’t rely on your legal advice from Facebook groups. IN THE END REALITY SINKS IN I’d like to think overall I’m a simple man, all I wanted to do was get married, have a family, and provide. With that goal in mind, I somehow got into a position where my spouse was able to choose if she wanted to work or not and not worry about anything outside of our family. How it turned out like this, I can’t pinpoint. I’ll admit I am a bit oblivious of what I did, but maybe it’s my own fault as some ppl stated and I brought this onto myself. Post settlement, I ended up downsizing and closed on a smaller but spacious house for the 3 of us and our dog, with a separate generational suite in our backyard for my MIL to stay as she wished to stay involved in our kids care regardless of if I was married to her daughter or not. Honestly, I made sure that addition to the home was available for her because I hoped she would be able and open to help until the kids were a little bit older. For what it’s worth, it seems my ex found her happiness. Luxury trips in a short time frame she wanted, her bf and her moved to a bigger place to stay (luxury high rise studio but still no place for our kids to stay), her bf got his dream car, and a long list of expenses and shopping sprees that kind of benefited our kids if at all in any way sprinkled in her social media accounts. She’s rocking Cartier while our kids are sportin Carters. My ex came to visit our “cute little house” to visit our kids and MIL and complimented me on my choice of home and that I was able to keep up the status quo of our home without her. I’m sure many will see the irony in this. I’m not entirely sure her motive or if I’m just reading too deep into it, but she dropped lines about how stressful and expensive their living expenses (rent, utilities, cell/internet service, and insurance) are groceries are now and how surprised it cost to feed her, her bf, and whoever the hell else comes to their home. I’m not sure why but she initially was under the impression the generational suite was meant for her use when she has the time and wants to co-parent. She is even more tired and struggling with her schedule now because she works a total of 48hrs a week and forced to work overtime at times and her bf works but I didn’t dig or care about the details. But I do care that I think she thinks I don’t notice that she takes some of our usual household staples and items with her before she left. Mainly bottles of soap she always bought for our home, Sonicare replacement brush heads and other toiletries, a new unopened bottle of the Mountain Valley water from the fridge when she visits, and I may be reading too deep into something again but sometimes I find some of the Instax pics from the fridge missing. Usually its just of the kids or MIL and the kids, but a few were of the 4 of us in the past. Although her Whiteclaw fund takes precedence over their home’s Charmin 2 ply supply, I try to be as accommodating as possible so that she can still be involved with our kids, allowing her to drop by our home whenever (if ever) she can (still work primarily from home so I’m always here) and keeping her in the loop about their activities and such. It was nice to see she was able to make it to our youngest’s first Christmas school assembly, where our eldest’s had speaking parts in the play before work. Later that week, I brought our kids to bring her a plate of food on Christmas day at the hospital because she has holidays to work. I’d be lying if I said that didn’t hurt or that I didn’t feel uncomfortable with the stares and whispers from her co-workers while I waited for the kids to excitedly give her their presents and wish their mom a Merry Christmas. Even though she was trying to be welcoming, all I could do was say Merry Christmas and wave goodbye from the distance as we left. This past Christmas, with as many blessings I have to be thankful for, it all felt so hollow at the same time. During New Year eve, I embraced my inner Pinterest dad trying to make everything as festive and fun possible and copied ideas of doing a count down at 9PM for the kids with a balloon drop in our living room and popping some fireworks as soon as the sun set. On that note, I should mention that I re-discovered my love of cooking, something I did for years while a bachelor with my roommates and the stress of a 4- and 6-year-old insisting that they’re mini versions of Gorden Ramsey and can provide Michelin level sous chef services. With the kids tucked away and asleep, I rang in the new year with my dog and a drink. Scrolling on my phone with the sounds of fireworks popping in the distance, I saw that my ex was living her best life in her new life snap after snap after snap... So, I made a mental checklist for the end of 2024: - self-esteem – almost gone. - confidence – hanging by a thread. - ability to open and trust anyone outside of my current inner circle and dog – nonexistent. - Hatred towards my ex and her newfound life – surprisingly gone. All I could do is just laugh a little at the snap on my phone. She left me, she hurt me, but she did not destroy me. We’re now 2 different people with 2 different lives and I must move forward for the ones I owe it to. Other than the connection of our kids and some immediate family we have no more connections and I really have no interest in acting like I was in my 20’s in my 40’s and spending half my paycheck on liquor because its Tuesday and New Years Eve. Maybe I’m just boring, but I can and only want to focus on my kids and ensure that their lives and future is the best that I can provide. Ensure the people and projects I oversee stay afloat and going in this economy. And last, but not least, make sure both my mother and (ex-?) MIL are taken care of in the future moving forward. ADVICE FROM WHAT I LEARNED. To the men out there, if you’re in a similar situation, don’t give up hope. But keep in mind, actions, records, and overall proof speaks louder than your words. It’s an uphill battle, but no man has to fight it alone. Plan, Prepare, seek reputable counsel and advice, and in the end execute. As hard as it may be, stay focused and be as objective as possible in these times, and most importantly follow through with what you say and promise to your kids. To the women, stay off social media and comparing your life to others. Just kidding. The first piece of advice applies to anyone regardless of how you identify. I don’t think I’ll be updating anymore but I do plan to keep this alt just for my reddit pen pals so please feel free to say hi cause it’s nice to have new friends. submitted by /u/Constant_Barnacle992 to r/TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]

Hi everyone, I’m a FTM currently working on my hospital bag checklist. For context, I’m scheduled to give birth this May at Westmead Private. The list I’ve put together feels a bit overwhelming, so I’d love your advice! Could you help me identify unnecessary items, let me know what the hospital might provide, or suggest better alternatives to pack? Any tips would be greatly appreciated! This is the list: For Mom Personal Documents Driver’s license Insurance card Birth plan Hospital paperwork or registration forms Clothing Comfortable gowns Loose-fitting pajamas Non-slip socks or slippers Postpartum underwear Nursing bras Clothing for discharge Toiletries Toothbrush and toothpaste Hairbrush and hair ties Shampoo, conditioner, and body wash (travel-size) Lip balm Face wash or wet wipes Moisturiser (face and body) Deodorant Perineal spray or cooling pads Glasses or contact lens supplies Nursing pads Nipple cream Comfort Items Pillows Snacks Yetti water bottle Nursing pillow For Baby Girl Clothing Onesies: Pack newborn and 0-3 month sizes. Sleepers or footed pajamas: With easy access for diaper changes. Going-home outfit: Weather-appropriate and comfortable. Hats: Soft caps to keep her warm. Socks and mittens: To keep her feet warm and prevent scratching. Blankets and Swaddles Receiving blankets: For warmth or swaddling. Muslin swaddles: Lightweight and easy to wrap. Feeding Supplies Bottles Pacifier Burp cloths Diapering Diapers: Newborn size Wipes: Sensitive, fragrance-free options. Diaper cream For Hubby Comfortable clothing Snacks and drinks Toiletries: Toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, etc. Pillow and blanket: For overnight stays. Entertainment: Books, headphones, or a tablet. Electronics Phone and charger Portable power bank: For extra charging. Headphones or earbuds submitted by /u/Right_Youth5684 to r/BabyBumpsandBeyondAu [link] [comments]

FTM, starting to get prepared and focus on hospital bag. Anyone feel like these online checklists are designed just to make you spend money? I feel like I’m being told to pack for a week long trip! Not to mention this push to have your own postpartum care products? What if you buy everything for a vaginal delivery and then end up with an emergency c section? What an absolute waste of money. Maybe I’m being foolish here but if the hospital provides what you need…then I am not buying and packing that stuff up front, that’s why Target pick up and Amazon exists! submitted by /u/nikkimcwagz to r/pregnant [link] [comments]

What essentials did you pack in your hospital bag? Checklists on google are too overwhelming and would love to know what goodies you packed that also helped having in hospital Edit: Thank you so much for all your amazing responses. I’m sure this will also be helpful for expecting FTM’s :) submitted by /u/Nobodylikebots to r/pregnant [link] [comments]

*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/bloodhoundpuppy in /r/TwoXChromosomes * trigger warnings: head trauma mood spoilers: not a very happy ending (not death)   My husband is not bonding with our 5 week old son and I'm not sure what to do. - submitted on 27 Oct 2018 Like the title says. My husband has yet to hold our son. He won't call him by his name, he always refers to him as "the baby" and he won't do anything to help take care of him. On Tuesday my husband moved into the camper to get "quiet time" as he calls it. I've seen him for maybe 10 minutes since Tuesday. Up until our son was born we had a great marriage. I don't know what to do. Comment by OP: This is probably totally unrelated, and me just being goofy. My husband used to box semi-professionally until he was 28. He had to quit because of concussions. Like those football players. At first I thought maybe he needs an MRI. My husbands coworker (My husband is a field tech for JD) came by yesterday to see the baby. I asked some questions and my husband has been fine at work. Not forgetful or acting strange. So it's probably mental and not physical, right? Another Comment by OP: He's just not himself. If I was to call the non emergency line to the local firestation and explain that my husband, who has a history of head trauma, is not acting himself, what would happen? Could they take him to get tested? I'll make the call, I just don't want to escalate this and then be wrong or have him mad. Immediate Follow Up Comment by OP: Screw it. I made the call. Maybe it's his concussions, maybe it's something else. The person I talked to at the firestation was very concerned and they are sending an ambulance. He's going to get an MRI, whether he wants to or not. I'm probably overreacting, but I've seen that documentary about the football players. My husband has had dozens of concussions over the years. The neighbors can call me a Nervous Nellie all they want, I'm at wits end.   UPDATE: My husband is not bonding with our 5 week old son. - submitted on 28 Oct 2018 Last night I called the firestation and talked to a firefighter about my husbands strange behavior since our son was born. With my husbands history of head trauma, he was a boxer from 12 to 28, I was concerned. They sent an ambulance. The paramedics evaluated him and told me something wasn't right. They decided to take him to the hospital. We've been there all night while my husband was getting scanned and tested. They did all kinds of tests involving memory, they used flashcards, and mental quizzes and puzzles. I'm in shock as to how bad my husband's mental state is. It's embarrassing I didn't notice how far he had declined. Maybe I didn't want to notice? Maybe it was a conscious decision? I watched him struggle name his hometown. He had lived there the first 22 years of his life. He couldn't do it. Mother's name, father's name. He struggled with answering the most basic questions. I had noticed in recent years he talked about the past less and less. He rarely tells stories about his past anymore. I didn't know that it was because he, basically, doesn't have a past anymore. All those pictures around the house hold no real meaning for him. He doesn't remember our first kiss, when he proposed to me, or very much about our wedding. He knows these things happened, but the specifics of those events are lost to him. A psychiatrist met with him, but she wasn't very helpful. She kept asking him about suicide. My husband isn't suicidal. She asked him misleading questions like she was trying to trick him into being suicidal. When I brought up how my husband hasn't bonded with our son she waved me off and told me she had rounds. The neurologist is awesome. He really cares. My husband's boss and some coworkers came this morning. They were more honest with me today than I think they have been in a long time. My husband hasn't been a trainer in 2 years. He used to go and get trained on all the new JD technology and then train the other techs. It got to the point he couldn't do it anymore. He also has notebooks filled with notes and procedures he should know by heart. They're like his crutches so he can do his job. He rarely goes on field calls alone anymore, he usually takes someone with him. I met with a counselor that the neurology department employs to help patient's families deal with the fallout. She told me to prepare to take on more and more of the responsibilities around the house. It's a worry because my husband is the bread winner and I can't replace his income on my skills and education. She explained that patients with the trauma my husband has exist on routine. When something disrupts that routine, like a new baby, they often can't cope. My husband is staying for a few more days. Tomorrow he meets with a different psychiatrist and then is being transferred to a more advanced neurology center 3 hours away. With a little luck I'll have a more definitive care plan and have him home by Wednesday or Thursday. Take care of your brain, kids. Comment by OP: My husband used to live to go hunting. He looked forward to deer season all year long. Bought hunting magazines, watched hunting shows on TV. It was his passion. Then he just lost interest. It was a huge red flag and I missed it. I was too absorbed in my own petty crap to let it register. Stupid. Another Comment by OP: That's what the counselor said. It's scary, I mean, he's only 35. To think that he could be like this for another 30 or more years? I'm ashamed to say I had a good long cry. Bills. Oh God. A week before the baby was born we bought a new Tahoe. 72 payments. I wanted a new car to go with the new baby. There was NOTHING wrong with my old car. Stupid, stupid, stupid. We're still paying on his truck. The mortgage. Credit cards. Tool payments. The bills from the baby haven't come yet. We're going to have bills from this. We have insurance but the copays and deductibles are high. I'm trying not to think about it all.   Another update on my husband's battle with CTE. - submitted on 05 Nov 2018 It’s been a long and difficult week. My husband went to the city to the major neurological center on Monday and they confirmed his diagnosis of CTE (Chronic traumatic encephalopathy). He was there until Wednesday and then he came home. We worked with a counselor there and my husband held his son for the first time. He had this kind of bewildered look on his face. Then he teared up and said “This is all I ever wanted and I can’t even enjoy it.” That broke my heart, I had to leave the room for a while. Brain injuries are tricky. The neurologists said the best case is my husband doesn’t deteriorate any more than he is. When I asked about the worst case they told me to be prepared to put him in assisted living. That’s something you never want to hear. This whole journey is a rollercoaster. We’re working with a counselor through a church in the area to try and develop some coping strategies. The Biblical Counseling is a ministry supported by tithing, so it doesn’t cost us anything. We have a standing appointment Fridays at 4. With my husband’s injury he can function well on a routine. Babies don’t do routine. At 5am my husband gets up, then he goes for a 6-mile run, then calisthenics, shower, shave, brush teeth, breakfast and then he starts his day. If his routine is disrupted he can’t recover and adjust. Our dog adjusted to my husband’s routine. At 5am she’s ready to go for a run. Babies don’t do schedules. It’s hard not to get discouraged. I see my husband struggle so hard to adapt. It hurts him that he can’t learn the new tasks quickly. I’m patient and supportive, but he still gets frustrated. Like packing the diaper bag. He knows that we need stuff, he just can’t do it without a checklist. Screw it, I’m making checklists. The nurse said it’s important to try and make things as normal as possible. Watching a 35-year-old man not be able to figure out how many diapers to take on a trip to Walmart is heartbreaking. I made checklists for everything. If it’s something that he does all the time he’s better, it’s learning new things that are hard. For the past couple of years, in hindsight, it’s baffling I didn’t notice. All I can say is I must have fallen into the comfortable routines with him. I didn’t question anything. If I asked him to do something and he refused I just did it myself. It never occurred to me that maybe he wants to go out to eat breakfast because making breakfast causes him anxiety he’d rather not deal with. Go ahead and nominate me for wife of the year, although I’ll probably be runner up to Lorena Bobbit. The owner of the dealership took us and the service manager out to dinner on Saturday to come up with a plan for keeping my husband earning. The owner is kind of old fashioned and is adamantly opposed to seeing a young man like my husband depend on handouts to feed his family. Thank God. They’re going to assign a junior tech to work with my husband fulltime. He’ll be there on every job helping my husband out. The dealership also has a bunch of old equipment on the lot that they can’t sell. It’s mostly scrap. They’re going to clear out the lot in an auction and whatever money is made will go to us to help pay for medical bills. The general manager is also checking with JD corporate to see if they have any assistance programs a dealer tech would qualify for. I think there’s a foundation or something. They’re also giving my husband a 40-hour check for last week and not docking his PTO. My husband agreed to let me take over the finances. I don’t think we’re behind on anything, and our credit is good, so it should be pretty easy. Paying the bills and balancing a checkbook has been a real burden on him. It explains why he stopped letting me have access to the bank account a while back. He told me to just charge everything to the credit card and he’d take care of it. Another gigantic red flag I missed. Looking back there are so many red flags I missed. I feel like an idiot. Shit, I used to tease him about forgetting stuff. I made jokes about him being a “punch drunk old boxer.” I feel awful. I feel about 2 inches tall. I can’t imagine how bad I embarrassed him over the years. If I live to be 2,000 years old I’ll never be able to make it up to him. The baby is doing great and we’re taking things one day at a time. Now that I’m not so oblivious it’s getting easier to take care of husband and baby. My parents left on Sunday and his dad flies home tomorrow. Then it’s just us again. It was great having help for a little while. It’s too bad we live in such a rural area. The neurology center in the city has outpatient programs that would help. It’s 6 hours roundtrip. It’s just too much to make the trip 3 times a week. We’re kind of stuck where we’re at. I doubt my husband could get hired anywhere else at this point. We’re going to keep a monthly appointment at the neurology center for monitoring. It’s the best we can do. It’s not like TV where people can effortlessly uproot their lives to do what’s best. In the real world you sometimes have to take the worse option. We meet with a lawyer from our church on Wednesday to set up some documentation so I can handle the finances and make medical decisions. I think it’s called a power of attorney. He’s going to get us all set up for the price of one of my homemade apple pies. Thank you all for your support. OP Comment re: CTE They took a complete medical history and did a dye marker scan. Your are correct, the only way to 100% diagnose CTE is a post mortem scan. Howevewr his symptoms and medical history have led the neurologists to conclude my husband has CTE. It's largely a process of elimination. Given his extensive history of head trauma it is unlikely that it is anything else. They are proceeding with a treatment plan for CTE.   Reminder - I am not the original poster. submitted by /u/joshually to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I loved reading these lists when I was pregnant, and they always prompted me to add something new to my hospital bag, so I hope this is helpful! I planned on having an unmedicated birth, but I had to be induced, got an epidural after 10 hours, and an emergency c-section after 20 hours. Word of advice-- no matter what your plan, prepare for all possibilities! I didn't have a single pair of granny panties when I got home from the hospital, and that was the first thing I sent my husband to get! Hospital Bag Things I Used Cera-Ve Face Wipes- these are great postpartum, too, to feel refreshed in a hurry/ without risking waking the baby up! Pictures/ Focus Items Battery Powered Christmas Lights- Seems weird, but it made the hospital room feel so much more comfortable. Bill Murray told Jimmy Kimmel to bring them when he was expecting his first child, and he was right! Grippy Socks- The hospital provided some, but mine were better! Portable cell phone charger and speaker Baby clothes for the trip home 99 cent flip flops one size up from normal- Believe it or not, your feet swell even more after you give birth! I would not have been able to fit in the shoes I wore during my pregnancy when we left the hospital. Pillows from home- so much nicer than hospital pillows! Just be sure they're in colorful pillowcases so you don't forget them. Pony tail holders and headbands- If your hair is close to long enough, pack 10 of them. Nursing bras Things I Didn't Use Clothes- wearing the hospital robe made it really easy to breastfeed Toiletries- I brought relaxing, scented shampoo and body wash from home, but I was nervous about it irritating my incision, so the nurse brought me some hospital wash. Colace/ medicine- they give it to you there Things I Sent People to Get It was really nice having both sets of grandparents there, waiting for the baby to come, because I could send them out to get things! They were mostly in the waiting area, rather than the hospital room, so I think they appreciated having something to do. Fuzzy blankets- After I got the epidural, I kept getting really cold and shaky, so I asked my MIL to get me a fuzzy blanket from the nearby Walmart. She got two; one for me, and one for DH, and it made our hospital stay so much nicer! I really recommend bringing in throw blankets from home. Heating pad- great for pain relief during labor and afterwards when your uterus starts contracting back to normal size. Boppy/ nursing pillow- I didn't bring it because so many people on here said they didn't use it, but we had trouble breastfeeding and it made it so much easier! Without the Boppy, we'd put a bunch of pillows in one position, and when that didn't work out, we'd rearrange all of them. With the Boppy, I could just move the baby around without a big hassle! I'd recommend at least bringing it and leaving it in the car. Snacks for Mom- Breastfeeding is hungry work! We packed snacks for DH to eat during labor, but didn't think about the hospital stay afterwards. We got my mom to pick up Kind bars and Peanut M&M's. Pro Tip Take all the mesh panties and giant pads they'll give you and bring them home! Treat the hospital like a hotel and take everything you can! (They've probably charged you for it already anyway!) :) submitted by /u/marjtyr to r/BabyBumps [link] [comments]