Ice Cream Near Me

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... outside of MIB near the restrooms. They wanted ice cream, I had just... but fun. It was just me and Bridget with another random...

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... dessert, and Rhum Baba for me with no shortage of rum. ... brave that but after her ice cream cooled her right down, Nora's... August 1986, Bondi Beach (Australia near Sydney) beachfront restaurant. Ate there...

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... is the Costco Food court's ice cream cup. it is a big... break even, as we get ice cream cup from food court most... Costco food court. The one near me looks like a battlezone so...

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... said: “He won’t sell much ice cream going at that speed.” Eric... of the comic: "He reminds me that joy can be gentle... shoot past on the road near us). The fact it annoys...

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I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/TheEmperorofJenks. Previous BoRU by garethp [Final New Update]: TIFU by importing bees to Uruguay + 4-Year Update NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Editor's note: please note this is a large BoRU, recapping prior posts to refresh our minds before the latest update, removed some relevant comments for space in this latest BoRU Thanks to u/czechtheboxes, u/Jenn_There_Done_That, & u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for letting us know about the new update! Trigger Warnings: ableism RECAP Where to buy gourds?: July 17, 2020 I'm looking to buy ornamental gourds in bulk for a project. I need probably 1500 or so. Does anyone know of a local farm that grows them? Thanks! Commenter: Why, pray tell, do you require such a gourd hoard? I already regret asking. OOP: Due to local fluctuations in the tropopause, the jet stream has been shifting rapidly in a counterclockwise vector, causing a rapid disincorporation of the Hadley vortex cells in the lower ionosphere. Because of this, the geostrophic solar wind balance has deteriorated rapidly in the northern hemisphere. In essence, autumnal weather patterns in the western United States will lead to the biggest ornamental gourd yield in recorded history. Investing in gourd agricultural futures could likely produce up to $1600 per day in passive income. However, investing at the apex of the curve would be the most conducive to profit as the arbitrage (particularly 12b-1 fees) will develop at a market share higher than the back-end load. Basically, no one will be able to buy the stock at a higher price than you, and all value invested will be retained. A preliminary market penetration investment of $50,000 would be most efficient in generating this revenue.   I am financially ruined (agricultural futures): Jan. 18, 2021 (six months later) I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months’ salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.   Market potential for gourd instruments in Great Plains region?: Jan. 19, 2021 (next day) Hey all, I've made a massive investment blunder and am faced with either selling off my futures for a loss of $10,500, or taking delivery of roughly 115,000 lbs. of ornamental gourds. Both prospects seem pretty dismal, but I figure with some entrepreneurial prowess I could make my money back. I saw on a PBS documentary three years ago that some cultures use gourd instruments pretty regularly, and I imagine it's a pretty large industry in places like Brazil. Does anyone know if the market is large enough in the US (particularly in the southern great plains region) for this to be a viable strategy? If so, how hard is it to make a flute out of a gourd? Thanks!   I've found out how to make gourds edible: Feb. 5, 2021 (nearly three weeks later) Over the last few weeks I've been experimenting with gourds almost nonstop looking to find a way to turn them around for a profit. I've come up empty. But out of hunger and sheer boredom, I did find a way to make a moderately edible dish out of your standard, thanksgiving table, ornamental gourds. Here's the recipe: - Cut all the knobs and warts off the gourd with a knife. Then use a potato peeler to take the skin off. This is really difficult and doesn't need to be perfect, but the less skin the better. - Fill a large pot with 8 cups water, one cup apple cider vinegar, 1/2 cup salt, and a bay leaf. Stir. Bring this to a rolling boil and add up to four gourds. Put a lid on the pot and boil on high for three hours. - Remove the gourds and place on a baking sheet. Cut them in half and sprinkle them with generous amounts of salt and paprika. - Broil on the top rack for 30 minutes, flipping half way through. - Remove and cut into cubes. Serve over rice.   Editor's note: the next several posts are a bit out of chronological order from the previous post, but this is to help understand a separate incident OOP has created Rhodium is skyrocketing!! Invest now for Ultimate Profit!!: Feb. 1, 2021 an image of a graph showing the cost increasing suddenly for Rhodium. Commenter 1: You know that old expression, "Buy low, sell high?" Investing at the top is how you lose money, not make it. OOP: Wrong. It will only go up. I expect it will reach 40k by mid-April. Commenter 2: That may be, but Rhodium is a fickle bitch. People following metals for a while know that Rhodium makes these moon shots every once in a while and crashes just as quickly .There was a run up at this time last year, and it crashed in March. I see it testing $10,000 again before it goes to $40k.   Where to buy custom water beds?: Feb. 2, 2021 (next day) I'm expecting huge profits on an investment I just made, so I think I'll stay in Tulsa after all. I need a new bed, and am thinking I'll be able to afford something nice after I strike it rich. I've always been intrigued by the concept of water beds, and was wondering if there's a store in Tulsa that will make you one of custom dimensions (i.e. 10 x 10 feet).   My rhodium just arrived!: Feb. 4, 2021 (two days later) an image of a piece of Rhodium in the shape of a small cube OOP purchased, along with a certificate of Authenticity Commenter 1: When did you buy in? And how much OOP: I bought it a week ago for about $4000. Paid on credit so I'm planning on selling it in a few weeks. Commenter 2: Selling in few weeks?!? What a retard. Have you even looked at the bid-ask spread? You've clearly never done this before. Well, live and learn Commenter 3: Not to burst your bubble but rhodium is not reactive and does not rust or tarnish. That material is clearly quite oxidized so either it is full of impurities, or you were sold some random chunk of scrap metal.   Any stores specializing in rare metals?: Feb. 6, 2021 (two days later) Hey Tulsa, I just bought some rhodium off the internet and am starting to get concerned it isn't legit. Does anyone know of a shop nearby that deals with rare and expensive metals? Thanks.   Is this rhodium?: Feb. 8, 2021 (two days later) an image of the Rhodium close up Commenter 1: Looks like pyrite. It would help if you took it out of the bag though. OOP: I spent over $4000 on this. Not going to take it out of the bag. What makes you think it isn't rhodium? Commenter 1: Rhodium is chemically inert and corrosion resistant. Taking it out of the bag is not going to hurt it. Rhodium does not form an oxide in the presence of air, so your rhodium should be a shiny, silvery-white color. The fact that this metal is dull and looks a bit tarnished is really not a good sign. I'm sure it's a man-made metal ingot and not pyrite if you bought it from an online seller as rhodium, but it sure doesn't look like pure rhodium to me. I would start by getting an accurate measure of its density (it should be 12.4 grams per cc). If you're going to spend that much money on metal though you should probably look into a professional identification service. Visual IDs from reddit aren't going to cut it. https://www.sigma-verifiers.com/en/how-to-verify-gold Call around to local jewelry stores or pawn shops. See if they can help you out with testing. Commenter 2: Where did you buy it from? OOP: I found it here. I'm trying to return it, but the listing is gone and customer service won't get back to me. We're currently having a huge winter storm in Tulsa so I can't have a professional jeweler look at it for a few weeks. Commenter 2: That is the Slovakian version of Wish. Jewelers aren’t going to be able to tell you anything about it. They’re gemologists by in large, and this isn’t a gem. You either need a university based geologist. And go into it already accepting that it is completely fake. This is how precious metals normally look when you buy them. They’re pressed and marked. This looks like you got a worthless chunk of nothingness. I’m going to be completely honest. This is either the greatest troll ever, or you might be too autistic to manage your own money for a while. And I don’t mean that insultingly. You’ve dug yourself very deep in the last couple of weeks and maybe you need to give the hustle a rest   It wasn't rhodium: Feb. 16, 2021 (eight days later) I'm gonna keep this short cause I'm kind of in a mood right now. I took the metal cube to a local NDT shop my buddy works at. Turns out it's pyrite, which is essentially worthless. Moral of the story? Just invest in Tesla or Amazon. This BS is ridiculous and I've had it. Editor’s note: this is the end of the rhodium incident   I have just received Uruguayan citizenship and I have some questions: Jan. 27, 2021 Hello Uruguay! My mother (wife to a Uruguayan man) has claimed her citizenship, and because of that I now have it. I have lived in Oklahoma all my life, but I speak Spanish quite well and know some of the Uruguayan culture through my stepfather. Right now I am in a not very nice situation with my finances, and I want a fresh start, so I plan to move to Uruguay in March. I have never visited your country, and I am a little worried about the transition. - How is Melo? I have acquaintances in that city, so I'm thinking of living there at first. - I don't have many strengths, but I have worked for a year in a supermarket. What industry has the most opportunities for foreigners? He preferred to work in the fields, or at least outdoors. - I have a private pilot's license (from the USA). Do you know if it is easy to transition it to a Uruguayan license? I want to fly to the Andes one day. Thank you!   How is the legality of informal beekeeping?: March 4, 2021 I'm from the US and you can keep bees here without many rules. My cousin has some beehives in his garden, and they produce a good amount of natural honey. I am moving to Uruguay soon, and I want to become something of an amateur beekeeper. What I want to know is if there are any regulations or whatever regarding beekeeping. Thank you!   Goodbye Oklahoma (and good riddance): Mar. 12, 2021 La Paloma: March 20, 2021 Transporting 200,000 bees across Uruguay is the experience of a lifetime. Mar. 29, 2021 Series of image posts showing him flying out of Oklahoma, landing at La Paloma airport and driving (presumably with 200,000 bees behind him)   Demand for mead (the alcoholic drink) in the US?: April 6, 2021 Hey America! I'm a former resident of Oklahoma, and currently one of the largest beekeepers in Uruguay by hive volume. I'm looking for ways to market honey products abroad as there is very little demand here in South America. Mead is obscenely easy to make and very lucrative profit-wise. Would anyone be interested in switching over to mead from beer if it were substantially cheaper (labor and packaging costs are essentially negligible down here). Thanks!   About to up-size my apiary. What's the best layout for my hives?: April 18, 2021 My humble apiary near Melo, Uruguay: April 30, 2021 An image post showing his bee hives before and after spreading them out and organizing them.   Editor’s note: below is the original title post TIFU by importing bees to Uruguay: May 27, 2021 This has all been happening over the last few weeks, but I’ve just gotten back to the states and had the time to take it all in. First, some context. I’m a grocery store employee from Tulsa, Oklahoma. Over the covid pandemic I was burnt out and acting impulsively. I made some risky investments which destroyed me financially. Sick of my mundane life in the great plains and with economic mobility out of reach in America, I decided to move to Uruguay where I had citizenship through my stepfather. I figured the small amount of savings I had managed to keep would go further in South America, and I’d be able to start a modest business. I had recently read a book about beekeeping, and had this romantic image in my head of a life out in the country, tending to my hives and selling honey at the local farmer’s market. The problem: I had no money or technical knowhow. I found a solution I believed could solve both of these. I entered an informal agreement with an ecology professor in Montevideo, which I believed was binding. This was my downfall. In exchange for letting his grad students conduct research on my cousin’s farm in Cerro Largo, he would pay for me to import Apis Cerana honeybees from Myanmar, and show me how to set up an apiary. These bees had never before been farmed in the region, and he believed it could make an interesting research paper. The bees arrived quickly and we soon had a respectable apiary established. Bees usually don’t start producing honey for at least a year, so I was mostly spending my time helping my cousin with his other farm projects, and trying to find a part time job in Melo. Things seemed to be going well until the professor and his team stopped showing up. I tried contacting him, but he wouldn’t return my calls either. A few days later, two MGAP agents showed up and informed me that I was under investigation for the illegal importation of an invasive species to Uruguay. I explained my situation with the university, but I think it was the professor who had turned me in. Of course, the word of a respected ecologist was taken over that of an American Jew who had arrived in the country two months prior. Turns out, the bees had shown up at a few other farms in the area. Authorities were concerned they could destroy the local colonies, which have already been on the decline recently due to climate change. I was in over my head, so I ran. I arrived at the airport paranoid out of my mind. Even though I was mostly likely in for nothing more than a hefty fine, I felt like Frank Abignale. I boarded a flight to Los Angeles and landed in the US with $14 in my bank account. My friend was able to Venmo me a hundred dollars, which unfortunately wasn’t enough to get to Tulsa. I found a flight to Seattle for $75 and took it without thinking. I am now writing this from the train out of the airport. God help me. TL;DR I imported an invasive species of honeybee to Uruguay and got in trouble with the authorities after a university professor ghosted me. Commenter: Hi, I am a Uruguayan scientific researcher, and I have been working with bees for the last twenty years. Can we please get in touch? I need to talk to you. If the story is true it can cause an ecological disaster in our country. We can prevent this, but we need to find those colonies. OOP: you will go to Bondi to cerro largo under the tallest palm tree within a 40km radius of Melo you will find a telephone. When you have it, call me. (This was translated)   I am hereby claiming Seattle for the State of Oklahoma: May 28, 2021 The Emperor is back!: June 23, 2021 Images of OOP arriving in his new home in Seattle and then promptly finding himself back in Tulsa.   Using an ant farm to generate encryption keys?: Aug. 1, 2021 I was recently sent a post about a guy talking about using an ant farm to generate random numbers for encryption keys, which he could supposedly sell to companies for a profit. I know there was that company that did a similar thing with lava lamps. Is this viable? If so, what kinds of algorithms would I need to use? How much do companies pay for random numbers like this?   Transporting ants across the country? (+gourds): Aug. 18, 2021 I'm currently negotiating the purchase of a 120-gallon ant farm from an amateur scientist in the Pacific Northwest. I live in NE Oklahoma and have no car / money. I was wondering if USPS or FedEx transports ants considering the sizeable risk of infestation? Also can they survive a long journey like that with no food? On that topic - can ants eat gourds? I'm currently growing some and thought it could be a low-cost source of nutrition.   Need ride to Seattle: Sept. 16, 2021 Would anyone be able to give me a ride to Seattle next week? I need to pick something up there and have no car. I'd be willing to pay for half the gas and am also a formidable DJ (hope you like Argentinian Rock). PM me if this sounds like a fair deal. Thanks! Edit: found someone. Commenter 1: To Seattle Washington? Are you fucking high? Get a plane ticket. OOP: I can't bring a massive ant farm back on a plane nimrod. Commenter 2: If it contains a queen you technically can't bring it back at all. Ants are considered invasive species and queens aren't supposed to cross state lines. Not to mention that offering to only pay for half the gas on a 30 hour car ride with a complete stranger is laughable. OOP: I know that's "technically" the case, which is why I can't bring it on a plane. Commenter 2: So you're just straight up hoping somebody will help you break import laws without even telling them. That's shitty AF. NVM just noticed who you were. GTFO out of here troll.   Pawnshop? (Sonic side): Sept. 29, 2021 I am in Nogales, Sonora and need to locate a pawn shop immediately. It would also be very useful if someone knows where passports are sold (ideally Canadian or German) because mine was stolen. Thank you.   Spent my last day in Mexico City gourd spotting. Some beautiful varieties, but couldn't bring myself to buy any.: Mar. 24, 2022 Three images of Gourds in shops in Mexico City Commenter: Gourd man is alive. We we’re all worried about you. What’s the next adventure? OOP: Haha, yes I'm alive. Recently came down from a 6-month bender in Mexico City. Just got back to Oklahoma and looking for something new. Probably gonna go back to working at the grocery store in the meantime tho.   Any Turkish Okies know where to get salep?: April 1, 2022 I'm trying to learn how to make dondurma so I can practice ice cream juggling, but I can't find anywhere nearby to get salep or mastic.   How to become ice cream juggler?:** April 21, 2022** Merhaba! I am an entrepreneur from Oklahoma looking to open a Turkish ice cream shop in my hometown of Tulsa. I really think there's substantial demand for it in the United States, but practically zero supply (at least in the Great Plains region). I've been working on making my own recipe for Dondurma using American ingredients, but when it comes to doing the juggling trick, I'm completely incompetent. I am planning on coming to Turkey in a couple months to hopefully learn this art form. Is it possible to become an apprentice of an ice cream vendor? How should I go about learning? Thanks!   Thoughts on Turkish Ice Cream (Dondurma): April 27, 2022 Hey guys, I'm thinking about opening up a Turkish ice cream shop and was wondering what y'all think. Thanks! Commenter 1: I would start with a cart (if possible). I don’t know what makes Turkish ice cream special, and what issues a cart or truck based platform would cause. However overhead on a cart/truck is significantly less than brick and mortar. You can start small, if you make a big enough splash with your marketing and product I can see it being very successful. Aka stable income from loyal customers and hype would bring the income needed to be successful. But what do I know, I’m just some jerk on the internet. Good luck! Commenter 2: I’d go if there were vegan options. Commenter 3: I'd never had it, I've only seen the videos of guys teasing kids taking it away from them on the street. I'd try it though! Commenter 4: I love mastic so I'm down, but it is an acquired taste. How strong does that come through?   Best dondurma in Aegean region?: May 26, 2022 Merhaba! I am coming to Turkey in a few weeks to hopefully learn to make and juggle dondurma. I am planning on mostly traveling around the Aegean region due to its geographical resemblance to my homeland of Oklahoma, and was wondering if any town around there is particularly known for its ice cream? Also, is it really true that anything goes in Izmir?   Crossing the Bosphorus in İstanbul in search of ice cream: June 15, 2022 Finding some interesting flavors for the shop I'm opening (in Mudanya, Turkey): June 17, 2022 Two image posts of him trying ice creams in Turkey   Dream came true today! Started training as a dondurma salesman in Nevşehir, Turkey!: June 26, 2022 An image of OOP working as an apprentice at an ice cream place in Turkey, with face blacked out   Does anyone have experience with the startup visa?: Sept. 1, 2022 Goedendag, I'm an entrepreneur from Oklahoma who recently spent over a month in Turkey learning to make and juggle dondurma (Turkish ice cream). I had originally planned to open a brick-and-mortar dondurma parlor in my hometown of Tulsa, but have been held back by the upfront costs. I've been unable to secure a bank loan to start my business, and so have had to reassess my plans. Instead of a shop, I'm thinking about serving my ice cream out of a cargo bicycle like this. Unfortunately, apart from a few expensive cities like NYC or Seattle, the US is extremely unsuitable for this business model due to a century of car-centered urban planning. I've heard that "bakfiets" businesses are not only viable but common in the Netherlands and so believe your country is my best option to pursue my goals. I am also increasingly disillusioned with Oklahoman / American politics and would like to leave before the 2024 election if possible. Does anyone have experience with the startup visa for entrepreneurs? I think my business idea would count as innovative, but I've heard Dutch people are particularly close-minded about foreigners. Also, if I'm being honest, I'd mostly like to move to the Netherlands to go back to university and get a proper career in tech. Would I have to keep my business operating in order to remain in the country? I plan on visiting / unofficially moving to the country in a few weeks so would appreciate any advice you all have on applying for this visa. Bedankt! Commenter: I don't know anything about the startup visa, but your plan is really out of touch with reality. It sounds like you've done shockingly little research on any of this. Moving to The Netherlands is nothing like moving to another state. You are not a member of some privileged class as an American. You do not have the right to live or work in The Netherlands. Getting any kind of residence permit takes months to years of preparation and thousands of euros (at a minimum). Just skimming the requirements for the startup visa suggests it will be difficult and expensive. Your idea will probably not qualify as innovative. It does not sound like you have enough savings to live in The Netherlands for a year. It seems unlikely that you will be able to find a facilitator willing to fund your stay. There is basically a 0% chance that you can "unofficially" move to The Netherlands when you visit. That is not the way immigrating works. If you try to illegally stay you can say goodbye to any chance of getting legal status or a visa in the future. The Netherlands is in the middle of a country-wide and absolutely crippling housing crisis. You will not find someone willing to rent to a foreigner with no income and no realistic plan or prospects of getting a residence permit. I do not mean that it will be difficult – I am trying to tell you that it is hopeless. Expats making six figures struggle to even get apartment viewings. The Dutch are not "particularly close-minded" about foreigners. It sounds like you don't even know anything about the country you're "unofficially moving to" in a few weeks. Going to a Dutch university is your realistic avenue into the country, but it will cost you roughly 10x more as a non-EU national. Again, this takes years of planning. You cannot just show up. OOP: "The Dutch are not "particularly close-minded" about foreigners." Tragically, you have disproven this statement with the very premise of your snarky comment. Also with regards to the "unofficial immigration problem," could you explain to me why the following plan won't work: I have dual US-Uruguayan citizenship and carry two passports. I could simply enter the Netherlands with one, stay for three months, then take a day trip to London and reenter with my other passport. It seems like I could continue this way in perpetuity, however I of course intend to become a naturalized Dutch citizen once my visa is approved, which I assure you it shall.   Is Zeeland suitable for a Turkish ice cream business?: Sept. 11, 2022 Hi, I'm an entrepreneur from Oklahoma who's moving to the Netherlands in about a week. I'm hoping to start a 'bakfiets' -based Turkish ice cream (dondurma) business. Over the past few days I've been researching the best city in the Netherlands in which to base my operations, and would really love some advice from you guys. In the United States, ice cream stands are commonly associated with beach towns, and I imagine it's similar in the Netherlands. However, I have come to realize my product is both niche and seasonal in its nature. Because of this, I believe staying in a single city would be unsuitable. Instead, I am planning to travel between 4 or 5 cities during the week on a fixed schedule. Not only would this let me build a larger customer base, but also generate hype my product and efficiently generate capital. Perhaps each town would have a weekly 'Dondurma Day' celebrating my arrival. Looking at the map, it seems like the Zeeland province has the best geography for this business model. While it doesn't have any large cities, it appears to have a high density of small beach towns I would be able to easily cycle between. Furthermore, its rural character would make it easier to camp overnight as I am unlikely to have a permanent home at first due to lack of citizenship and the current housing crisis. Can anyone who's been to Zeeland corroborate the soundness of this plan? Are there any cities in particular you would recommend? Thank you! Commenter: You know that NL has long cold winters, which start in a few weeks, and Zeeland is basically empty during wintertime. Camping outside campgrounds is illegal and in winter very cold. Sound like a bad idea all around especially when just starting next week. With Turkish ice cream you would probably have a higher audience during winter when selling in places with a high Turkish population, maybe beverwijk bazaar? Your plan sounds better for Spain or just turkey when trying to start during wintertime. OOP: Do you really think the camping laws will be enforced considering the current housing crisis?   Need someone to assume monthly payments on large waterbed: Sept. 13, 2022 Hey guys, I recently bought a large waterbed mattress (80" x 85") on a monthly payment plan. However, due to unexpected circumstances, I am now leaving the US for the foreseeable future. I decided to give the mattress to my mother in Sand Springs, and she has grown quite fond of it. Unfortunately, I am unable keep up the monthly payments ($174 / mo.), which last until July 2024. I was wondering if anyone would be willing to pay 85% of this in exchange for getting the bed at the end of the contract. I expect that by then I should be able to buy my mother a replacement in cash. The mattress is of excellent quality and extremely comfortable. Thanks! Commenter: You want someone to pay 85% of the cost of a new mattress in exchange for your promise to give it to them in a couple years after the new has worn off? Really? OOP: 85% is a fairly conservative estimate for the value after 2 years. Waterbeds suffer from very little depreciation due to their novelty. Commenter 2: Are you aware how abusive this is? Like do you actually think this is okay? OOP: Abusive? What are you talking about? I'm not coercing anyone into a predatory loan, simply offering an unorthodox deal on a spectacular mattress.   Does NS check if you're really 18?: Sept 21, 2022 Hello, I need to take a train tomorrow from Vlissingen to Rotterdam to hopefully purchase a bakfiets. Unfortunately I cannot afford the ~50 euro round trip cost and was hoping to get the

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/TrussedDown Originally posted to u/legaladvice My ex-wife’s boyfriend is abusing my kids, and the custody hearing isn’t until after I’m supposed to bring them back Thanks to u/aaryanhere for the suggestion Trigger Warnings: vivid descriptions of child abuse, deception and attempted fraud, gaslighting ---- Original Post: March 27, 2018 Michigan, USA. I just had the most horrific day of my life on Friday. I found out my ex-wife’s boyfriend has been beating our children (7 and 10). I split up from my wife about six months ago and she started seeing someone seriously about a month after that. Three or four weeks ago he unofficially moved in. I never liked him, but I never had reason to believe he was violent. My custody arrangement is such that I get the kids for a week then she gets the kids for a week, back and forth. I didn’t try to sue for full custody at any time because this is totally unprecedented and I’ve never known her to be an unfit parent. Raising the children had nothing to do with why we split up, and nothing related to anger, violence, or general carelessness. Friday night she dropped the kids off and, as usual, she barely made eye contact or spoke to me. (I tried to organize an amicable split for the kids’ sake, and it went well at first, then after the papers were signed and assets divided she wasn’t having it.) So usually the routine when she drops the kids off on Fridays (around 7:00 or whenever they finish dinner) is we watch the game or play some video games, get a jump start on weekend homework, and then head to bed. My younger son was really despondent when she dropped him off and my older was hyper and fidgety. Unlike both of them. Usually they’re perfectly well tempered. If anything my younger son is normally the fidgety one, he has. ADHD, and I’ve never seen him as still and affectless as that day. I asked if everything was ok and they said yes. So the boys head up to shower then go to their room to change and I come in to say goodnight and see my younger son’s back and chest are covered in bruises. I was half paying attention at first and only caught a glimpse, checking my email and catching it out of the corner of my eye. I asked him to take his shirt off and he panicked. Not like them at all. I was still helping this one in the bath until earlier in the year and they both would walk around in their boxers all day if we let them. So that raised a flag right away. To make a long story short he was covered in bruises on top. I had to step out of the room for a second because I didn’t want to break down in front of him. And his legs had prominent lacerations and welts. I asked him what happened and he kept telling me he fell. He was definitely coached because he hasn’t lied to me that blatantly since he was like four. I didn’t want to press him. My older son finally told me in private what happened. Younger son did poorly on some test and ex’s boyfriend whipped him with a belt. When he cried, the boyfriend just started wailing on him, because “men don’t cry.” I am shuddering even typing that last part, it is the exact opposite of everything I (and my ex!!) had been teaching them their whole lives. And the most traumatic part to both of them was not even the violence of the boyfriend but that my ex was sitting in the room and did nothing. Without going to into detail, because I would just get too upset, this was not an isolated incident. Just the first time he left noticeable marks. He’d been hitting both of them, the younger one much more frequently and aggressively than the older one, and told them if they said anything they’d never see their mother again because she would lose custody. And my ex backed him on this. I haven’t let on to my ex at all because I don’t want her to know before I can get to court and sue for full custody. I took photos of every injury. I am so livid. I don’t know if I’m more mad at him for attacking my children, my ex for not doing anything, or myself for not putting the pieces together sooner and doing a deeper dive into the man living with my kids. I contacted a lawyer that next morning but he said since the guy technically doesn’t live with them we might not be able to take custody from my ex (he kept his apartment, but according to the kids, he brought a bunch of boxes with clothes over three or four weeks ago and has stayed over every night since). He also said once my wife catches wind of my suit that she might just take out a restraining order on the guy and swear they’re broken up while still seeing him on the side once she keeps custody. Knowing that it isn’t certain I’ll win full custody, it’s taking all I have to not load them into a car, change our names, and never come back. Is there anything else I can do in the meantime? My lawyer says at the end of the week I’ll have no choice but to send them back to her house. Our court date isn’t until Wednesday of next week. They’ve barely slept the last two days. The younger one is afraid to sleep alone and keeps getting into bed with his brother, who is so guilt ridden he didn’t do anything to stop it or speak up sooner than he just gets into bed with me and cries all night. (They’re both in counseling starting two days from now.) I did not see this coming at all. My ex-wife was so against violence she wouldn’t even kill a spider in the kitchen and spend hours trapping it in a glass to release. She found out a teacher had yelled at one of our kids and had a meeting with the principal the same day. It has occurred to me this man is abusing her too and she’s under some sort of spell with him and needs help of her own. Once it effects my kids, I don’t care about her problems. Only they matter. There is no excuse that will justify her sitting and watching a grown man brutalize my seven year old. So, basically, What do I do when the end of the week comes and I’m supposed to give them back? I don’t want to be charged with kidnapping, however, I’m not bringing them back even if I’m mandated to. UPDATE: He’s up and we’re on our way to the hospital. I’m having both kids examined just to remain on the safe side. I called CPS and said I’m bringing the kids to the hospital and am scared to return them to their mothers care. Fingers crossed. UPDATE #2: My lawyer came to me before I could go to him and told me he worried he didn’t have the kind of experience for this case (he’s a neighbor who was doing this for almost no money out of the goodness of his heart) and connected me to a lawyer with experience in these cases and family court, who is also being very generous with her rates. In the meantime my ex-wife arrived out of nowhere to try and take the kids back. I saw her standing at our door pounding and shouting as I pulled back up from meeting with the lawyer. Luckily I hadn’t gone into the driveway yet and the kids were tuned into their iPads with headphones on so I just kept driving and when they realized we’d passed the house I just improvised and said “surprise! Ice cream!” i think they intuitively didn’t ask why we went to a parlor three towns over instead of our usual place. Therapy starts soon, thank God. CPS is heavily involved and five separate reports were made. Mine, my lawyer’s, the ER doctor, the police who were called to the ER, and their school counselor (at the advice of my new, far more aggressive, lawyer.) The reports are almost definitely what backed the judge into the corner of having to grant the hearing. I’m too nervous to sleep, and drove the boys around for six hours so they could sleep (the car always conks them right out.) Now the oldest is up reading in my bed and the youngest is curled up with me in his bed. He’s asleep but wakes up every time I try to go check on the older one. They seem calmer. Hoping for good news and thank you for all the good advice. I now see I really needed that new lawyer and filing the multiple reports and getting an exam was the best course of action. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Go before a judge and try to get emergency custody until the hearing. OOP: My lawyer tried to do this and was denied. I just wrote after reading your comment to understand further why that happened, because it does seem crazy the more I think about it. essentially he said the judge didn’t deem the injuries severe enough to warrant an emergency hearing because he didn’t have to go to the hospital or require medical attention so it’s up for debate whether or not it will be classified as abuse and has to wait until our court date. He said the judge implied maybe the boyfriend is just very “old fashioned”. Either he didn’t look closely at the pictures or is abusive himself because my son had angry red welts that were still festering after nearly 24 hours and unhealed lacerations. Following up on this with the lawyer. Commenter 2: It may also be a good idea to take him to the hospital so a medical professional can take stock of his injuries, so you have definitive proof that the injuries are from before you have had the children. Is there ANY way your lawyer can go before a different judge? This one seems like he doesn't care at all. OOP: I don’t know but will ask. This is my first interaction with the court system beyond contesting a traffic ticket. A great idea to take him to the hospital though. The youngest is sleeping now, for the first time in a while, but I’ll bring him the moment he’s up.   Update #1: March 28, 2018 (next day) Editor's note: removed a part of the update as it is a rehash of the original post [Michigan, USA] Question 1: My lawyer is telling me to be prepared for my ex to say I abused the kids and coached them to lie. Is there anything I can do to get out in front of that? Question 2: I wouldn’t be surprised if the boyfriend has been abusing my ex wife. My lawyer said if this is the case she might use that as a defense for not stepping in when the kids were being beaten mercilessly by a grown adult man. If this surfaces does it help or hurt my efforts to keep the kids in my custody? ---- UPDATE: Thank you all for your excellent advice. My lawyer is aware that I’m posting on here and said it’s alright - especially since she recognizes she can’t make herself as available as she would if I were a regular client through her firm paying full freight. She’s been wonderful. The hearing was pushed back by a couple hours, but we can’t leave in case they can see us sooner so we’re waiting now. I’m exceptionally freaked out but my lawyer seems deeply confident it will be open and shut. (The case worker isn’t visiting the house until this afternoon but apparently she’s already visited my ex’s house and talked to the boyfriend and her conclusion from that was to recommend they stay with me.) The boys have had some interviews and exams with CPS that sound like they went as well as they could have and the things that didn’t go well will help me get them home and safe. After this process my next step is an order of no contact on the boyfriend or a restraining order if I can swing it. Will have to ask the lawyer. But she agrees we do need something official in place to keep him at bay. A buddy is installing a couple security cameras today. Thanks for those who recommended that. \— ANOTHER UPDATE: I have custody until the formal hearing is scheduled. I don’t have to bring them back. Their lawyer tried to say the younger one had fallen on cement and rolled down a step and that’s how it happened. When the boys were asked if younger fell and they had no clue what she was talking about (they tripped on some patio bricks but were barely scratched) their lawyer tried to switch it around and say I’d abused them and they were trying to do me a favor of keeping it out of court. The judge said “Counselor, are you out of your mind?” Which my lawyer says is a great sign moving forward. I don’t know where they found their lawyer but he was wearing sneakers. So now we wait for next Wednesday. I’m just relieved there isn’t the same clock on it now. Thank you again to everyone. The boys are back in school Monday and doing well. The older fell asleep tonight without issue for the first time since I got them. I’m hopeful. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I know OP has spoken with school counselor, but Monday morning he has to speak with the counselor and principle in case mom shows up. I'm not sure if the school can prevent her from speaking to the kids or signing them out, but OP needs to be informed if she steps on school grounds. OOP: The school is aware - both for the boys’ well-being as they cope with everything that’s happened and also for security reasons. I called the principal and have been assured they’ll show her face at a meeting on Monday so everybody on campus will be aware of her. I had to send proof of full custody, etc. before it was finalized but by Monday it should be ok. Thanks for your concern and tips. Commenter 2: Question 1: That’s why you involved the police and CPS. They’re professionals, and are investigating. Most kids are not very good liars, so the professionals should be able to tell who’s lying and who isn’t (I know it doesn’t always work out that way). Just listen to your new lawyer, and make sure you don’t ‘advise’ or try to ‘help’ the kids with their statements. Leave it to the professionals. Did ex try to pick the kids up before the scheduled time, or was it the normal exchange time? I’m sure she’s been notified of the investigation. Make sure your new lawyer notifies CPS/police about her showing up at your house. Question 2: IDK, but whether she’s also being abused or not, she was definitely aware of the kids being assaulted and didn’t intervene, per your kid’s statements. That will not play out in her favor. Good luck, and keep being a good dad. OOP: Thank you. And, no, I was supposed to drop them off at the end of the week in the evening. She never comes here - I always drop them off there (partially because I like having the extra time of the drive with my kids and partially because I did want to keep an eye on how the new boyfriend interacted with my kids and the state of their house. Though we see what good that attempt was now, and lastly because the few times she picked them up here she’d come hours early and I felt awful when my visits were cut short.) Commenter 3: For Question 1: Don't tell the kids to say ANYTHING! You want to avoid any hint of coaching. If your kids want to talk about what happened, listen, but probably keep your answers pretty minimal, but empathetic. Like, "how do you feel about that?" or "I love you and I always will" or "would you like a hug?" I originally had "that sounds upsetting" on that list, but then you're telling the child they should be upset. Ask your case worker/lawyer/therapist how to support your kids without tainting their testimony. OOP: Good thought. I’ll run that question by the case worker and get more details from lawyer who had begun to touch on it. Commenter 4: In the event that you don't have time to stop your kids from going back to their mothers, you need to setup a plan on how they can contact you in the event something starts happening. Does your oldest have a phone? If so, I would suggest you get an Amazon Dash button and have him set it up at your ex's house under your account. This way if he gets his phone taken away, he still has a lifeline of sorts by pressing the button and ordering a product that would immediately notify you that something is up. OOP: That’s a really smart idea. Thank you.   Editor's note: OOP installed a final update into the same post with the first update Final Update: April 11, 2018 (same post, two weeks later) UPDATE April/11/18 Sorry for the long delay. It’s been a crazy few days, I’ve barely been checking my emails let alone Reddit (as wonderful as you all are!) Your support has been so critical in getting through this time. So - at first I did not win full custody. My ex wife and her bizarre lawyer fabricated evidence claiming I’d been fired from a previous job for violence, going so far as to forge a letter from a nonexistent boss and a whole hash of lies. (I am in IT. So I really don’t know what she could have dreamed up that would end in physical violence.) I was just so flustered and terrified at the initial ruling. My lawyer hadn’t seen the fake papers and was a complete shark, not allowing anyone to even leave the courtroom before she understood the reasoning behind the ruling. Once it came to light there was some sort of evidence she hadn’t seen she really dug in and at the end of the day I got full custody with my ex getting limited supervised visits (provided the boyfriend is nowhere in sight) and the chance to come back and get more visits if she can demonstrate the boyfriend is no longer living in the house or would ever be around the kids. The other good news is it seems like the only plus to icky sneakers lawyer is that he is helping her seek some counseling for whatever trauma she personally experienced. My lawyer is following up with seeing anyone responsible for misconduct, including the judge, is dealt with appropriately. I have the kids now. That’s all that matters. They’re still in school in her town (where I lived with her when we were married) and the end of the year is close but next year I’m going to move them to my district. It’s all on her now. All that matters is the boys are home. Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in this update here   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Hey guys, hope you all are doing good, this is regarding a small support as a gesture request from you all, my sister who also works in an IT field has opened her small ice cream parlour which she always wanted to do, and is now successfully serving variety of ranges of icecreams ! Incase any of you live near to Karve Nagar, such as Kothrud, Warje, NDA pashan or whichever area and on a visit to karvenagar, do try out from her eatry and suggest any particular feedback in case, it's just a humble request as Being in Pune I myself live very far from her (Hinjawadi) and is unable to visit much often, may be this posts help her earn some extra through a small venture ! I'll share Google map location here do visit and tell me how you felt ! Thank you ! https://maps.app.goo.gl/yZrquE7j5JVtLupb9 submitted by /u/jolly_monger26 to r/pune [link] [comments]

We were randomly scrolling a local subreddit and came across a post from a family member of Pudgy's previous owner. They wanted to see if anyone wanted to adopt him as they pitied his living conditions. He was 18 and were caged 24/7 without being let out because he had accidents sometimes. I looked at the post, looked at my husband, and he gave a small nod. We should adopt the cat and let him live his final months in a loving home. We adopted him in October 2022. Pudgy immediately got close to me. He would be near me constantly, even getting wet because he wanted to be near me when I showered and he loved cheese. He loved bread. He loved ice cream. But his favourite food was steak. He inhaled steak. I would always save some of my steak so I could feed him and see his little whiskers move. We expected him to maybe last 2 months. He was 18, his muscles had atrophyd, and he was all bones. His ears were full of permanent mite bites and he smelt horrid. 2 months turned to 3, and then 6 and then a year later. We were ecstatic. He was putting on weight, he could walk all over the house, climb on the bed, and sleep on top of my body. He passed on Boxing Day 2023. He lasted a whole 14 months and I miss him every single day. 💖 submitted by /u/Other_Vader to r/cats [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/spe8 I'm (28/m) starting to fall for my (24/f) 'wife' and am unsure how to proceed. Thanks to u/BigONerd for finding this update BoRU 1 TRIGGER WARNING: Death of a spouse/mother in childbirth, mentions of past physical abuse, harassment, fears of stalking Original Post - recovered with rareddit May 29, 2013 This is all a very complicated and sad situation. About four years ago my wife and partner of 8 years passed away due to complications after the birth (very rare) of our second son. I was deployed at the time, and completely devastated. After flying home I felt that nothing would make me happy again. My sons are great (now 6 and 4), but overwhelming, so I asked a sister of one of my Marine buddies,Cass, to help out. She had been friends with my wife, but not great friends, and she agreed in exchange for a place to stay. At the time, Cass was only 20 years old and in quite a bit of debt in fault of her extremely abusive ex-boyfriend, who she had finally left about 3 months earlier. During the first few weeks of her helping out with the boys, she asked to borrow money to see a doctor due to shaking hands (no insurance). I happily obliged, she was an angel: doing all of the cooking and cleaning and keeping my young family together. It turned out that she had developed some sort of neurological disorder, probably brought on by repeated abuse. At the time it seemed simple: I had good insurance, she needed healthcare, I never thought I'd be able to move on from my wife, and she was afraid of intimacy. I agreed that I would marry her, but keep our platonic relationship. She promised not to burden me with her debt, and we had a prenuptial agreement and all. I know that this is 'fraud' of the government, hence the throwaway, but we were both so damaged and needed somebody, if not intimately. The past three years have been about as good as expected, if not better. Cass is great, better than great. She keeps the house spotless, had food ready every night when I get home, and has been working overnights as a baker and almost has her debt paid off. Her condition has improved greatly, also, due to the great medical care she was able to receive. With the boys, she is a saint. She tells them about their mother, shows them pictures, takes the places for fun, and even taught them how to read (of course the six year old just finished kindergarten, but my 4 year old is going to be the smartest kid in his class next year!). Sometimes the four year old calls her 'mommy' but she shhs him and reminds him that name is 'Cass' and that mommy is the angel whose picture is above the fireplace. Once her debt is fully paid off, the kids are in school, and she saves up a bit of money, she is going to go into a nursing program. Our relationship: still platonic, but very caring. I've cried on her shoulders more times than I can count, and she's done the same. One night I was very stressed out, and yelled at her about something pretty inconsequential (she had taken my sons to see Santa without me). She, of course, became quite frightened, but we worked it out and I even offered to pay for her to see a counselor (she didn't). That was two years ago, and we have had little fights ever since, but have been able to work through them. She seems to understand me whenever I'm hurt, upset, or angry, and is calming in a way that I can't explain... The problem, reddit, is that I think I might be falling for her. I've been noticing little things: her scent, her smile, her laugh. The way she smiles with her eyes when she sees me, how much my boys love her. Not to mention that she's gorgeous, hardworking, and one of the strongest people i've ever encountered. A few nights ago I almost kissed her after we had put the boys to bed, and her hugs goodbye have started lasting a little bit longer. The other day she was taking a nap in my bed (she was washing her sheets), and I wanted to join her. Not have sex with her, just lay with her and hold and kiss her I don't know what to do, or how to even bring this up. It's been four years since my wife died. I can only think of a quote from a Song of Fire and Ice books, in which a character says that 'When the sun has set, no candle can replace it.' meaning that since his true love has died, nobody could replace him. that's how I used to feel, but... there have been days where my thoughts have been occupied with Cass, and I haven't even thought about my wife. I feel bad about it, and I still miss her, but I never thought that I'd be able to 'move on.' I feel guilty and disloyal. At the same time, I want her. Not just sexually or physically, I want to be romantically intimate with her, not just as friends. I don't know how to bring it up. I don't want to scare her or make her uncomfortable. but this is becoming more difficult than I could have ever imagined. I was thinking about asking her to get dinner, just the two of us, and bringing it up. But whatif she refuses? How can I gauge her interest? If it means anything, the other day she was having a hard time with the boys (they were restless and being our of hand), so I brought her home some of her favorite flowers. She was extremely giddy and gave me another lasting hug and a quick kiss on the lips. I was taken aback, but she pranced around, finishing dinner and putting the flowers in a vase. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? TL;DR: After my wife died, I married a good friend's sister for healthcare benefits, and now I feel as if I'm falling for her-- hard. What should I do? EDIT: Fuck it. It's been an hour on here and you've convinced me to tell her. I've called her favorite fancy restaurant and made a reservation. Her brother agreed to babysit, and let her/ me stay at his place tonight if she isn't into it/ feels uncomfortable. She paid off her debt this morning (apparently, just just texted me a picture of the check), and next week is our three year anniversary, so that is the prelude. i'm going to tell her at dessert. I'm nervous as shit. don't worry I'll update y'all (because so many have demanded it so!) Update 1 - I told my "wife" I loved her - rareddit May 30, 2013 EVERYTHING WENT AMAZING. JUST GOT HOME. LOVE REDDIT. :) will update tom. time to go make out with my wife :) TL;DR: SHE SAID SHE LIKED ME TOO UPDATE 2: I just spend the night snuggling and kissing my wife. Warning: This is kind of adorable and even I still don't believe it. rareddit May 30, 2013 Last night was hectic as shit at first. Our younger son had eaten, what he calls, a "a giant fuzzy spider" and Cass wanted tot take him to the hospital, even though he was fine. Her brother (we'll call him Joe), told her that he'd take care of it, and basically forced her out of the house to 'celebrate getting out of debt.' She really didn't seem like she wanted to go. At all. I became fucking nervous. So we got to the restaurant pretty early, but luckily they had a table. She ordered wine, which was odd, because she hasn't drank much since she broke up with her ex, but I figured it was a time to celebrate. We made small talk for a while, but it seemed forced, and I knew that I had to tell her soon. So, before the entrees even came I said that I had something to talk to her about. She didn't smile and told me that 'she knew, Joe told her.' and my goddamn heart almost stopped. That fucker. i hurridly told her that I was so sorry, I didn't want her to find out that way, I wanted to tell her myself. She shook her said, frowned, and said that it was okay, she just wanted me to be happy and that I deserved it. I told her that I didn't want to stress her out or make her uncomfortable, but I just needed to tell her, and see how she felt, and that it was completely up to her. She gave me a look and said that it actually was up to me, and just to do what made me happy. She said that she was probably going to move out after her program ended, and promised to stay out of the way until then. It was then that I realized something was a bit off, and asked wtf Joe had told her. She said that he told her I wanted to take her out to dinner to tell her that I had started developing feelings for a girl, and wanted to ask Cass if it would be okay if I asked this girl out. It was then I realized that Joe had set me up for the most climactic pick up line ever to exist. Our entrees came (I had shrimp and pesto gnocchi, and she had crab legs for you detail lovers), and I explained that, yes I had started developing feelings for a girl, I just didn't want it to mess up what we had. She said that it wouldn't mess anything up, she still loved the boys and would take care of them and the house. I continued to then explain that I wasn't going to ask the girl on a date, though, and she asked, incredulously, why not. Then I dropped my smoothest line I've ever dropped. "Because I'm already on a date with her." Right? Thanks Joe, because he must know about your planned movie and really wanted that line. She gave me this look that she gives my sons when they tell her things like 'I'm going to the mall by myself' or 'I have a girlfriend named Tammy.' Then she looked away, smiled and shook her head and asked 'really?' I nodded and told her that I cared about her more than anybody else alive (other than my sons), that I loved our family, and that I had fallen in love with her. She then took a drink of wine, rolled her eyes, and said 'about fucking time, Alex.' And I'll never forget what happened next. Maybe it was a faux pas, but I leaned across the table and kissed her... spilling her wine. But neither of us cared and we kissed for about a minute, before she told me to get off her before her crab legs got cold (this was joking, but not. you'd have to know her). After leaving the restaurant we got ice cream and sat around and kissed some more, before heading home. Joe was sitting on our couch watching one of those VH1 dating shows with a shit eating grin on his face, and Cass ran in, screaming at him that he ruined everything and that she was going to have to move in with mom now. We let him believe it for about 5 seconds before bursting into laughter. He shook my hand and told me that the boys were sleeping and left. I picked Cass up and kissed her and carried her to my room where we... welll.... Made out for like two hours and snuggled the shit out of each other. (She isn't ready for anything else, but emphasized yet. I'll give her all the time in the world). At one point the youngest son came in because of a nightmare, and brought his dog (a golden retriever puppy) and claimed that 'the doggy was scared' so we, of course, let him in. I woke up early to make everyone breakfast (and of course, deliver), and am about to go and kiss my wife goodbye, and ask my boss for the second part of the day off so that I can spend more time with her while the boys are at school, preschool. (I'm really sorry I haven't replied to everything... I was a little busy, but that you all for the support) TL;DR: Her brother is a little fucker, all went well in the end, we cuddled the shit out of each other all night. Update 3 - VERY quick Update: My wife and I are doing fine... - rareddit May 31, 2013 but I'm still unsure how to provide proof. I've lost the receipt for the restaurant and didn't pay with a card, and won't post pictures for obvious reasons (such as years of defrauding the government). But I will deliver and find a way. I promise, as a man of my word. Haven't I always delivered so far? And to those of you who are talking about a 'second wedding ceremony:' we just kissed for the first time two nights ago. Overly attached reddit? :) Finally, thank you to whoever gave me gold, I spent about $25 last night buying Joe beers. But next time, please use that money for real good. Take a vet to lunch, learn CPR, I don't know. But again, many thanks to you. I promise I'll update again in the future, but don't be angry if it isn't very often. I've been a little... busier than normal. Cheers. TL;DR: Everything is going great, will update sometimes, trying to figure out proof, thanks for the gold. Update4 -[m/28] Everything with my wife [f/24] that I married for insurance reason, then fell in love with, was going well... until last night. - rareddit June 25, 2013 TL;DR of the my life: my wife died four years ago when I was deployed, and I (alex, 28, male) ended up marrying the girl (Cass, 24, female) who was taking care of my children and keeping up with my house while I was grieving. I did this because she was having medical issues stemming from past domestic abuse and had no insurance. Apparently I can't post this as an update because of some rule... it's fine. I'd advise anybody to look through my past submissions (I don't think i can post them on here) if you are interested in what happened about a month ago. But apparently this is a different issue. Things were going very well except I started developing feelings for her. I was afraid of scaring her, or making her feel unsafe, but reddit convinced me to take the plunge. Now I'm happily dating my wife. Hey everybody! i hope your workday is going well. My day has been crazy. Everything has been going wonderfully lately, though. It was somewhat strange at first explaining it to our friends and family, but most of them had already caught on... including my sons, who act as if nothing has changed. I'm pretty sure the little fuckers knew the entire time. Anyways, last night I came home and Cass was out of it. dinner was burnt (which is no big deal, I can't really cook well or anything, but it's out of character), and she was drinking (lightly, only one or two glasses of wine). i asked her what was wrong, obviously I was concerned, and she told me that her ex-boyfriend (Shithead, 30, male) got parole last week. I was flabbergasted, since she should have been able to tesify at his parole hearing I believe. Apparently the crime that he was incarcerated for was unrelated to the abuse (which I had always assumed was the reason), but Cass had been (1) assured it would put him away for a decade at least and (2) had been far too afraid to testify against him or press charges. apparently he'd been arrested for this felony, and when he was being held, he asked her to post bail, but instead she asked my first wife for help moving out and moving on. I don't know what to do, I don't think that we have any legal ways to put him back into prison. She knows that she should have gone to the police and is guilt ridden and upset about it now. I know that she's going to be safe, because if he tries to even contact her, I'll take a legal recourse of action to make sure that he doesn't so much as touch her. I've taken off work today, but promised that even when I go back, I'll have my buddies stopping by throughout the day. But I don't know how to make her feel safe. I've contacted my lawyer about filing a restraining order, and he said it shouldn't be too hard, but she's a mess. I just don't know how to make her believe that she's I doubt this piece of shit will come around, but I know what I'm going to do if he tries. TL;DR: her ex got out of prison, we weren't notified, she's scared out of her mind. Update 5 - I (M/29) had fallen in love with my 'wife' (F/25) - rareddit Sept 3, 2014 Hey Reddit! I first of all would like to apologize for not keeping you guys updated--I've honestly just been pretty occupied with life lately and last night I had trouble sleeping. I was just browsing the internet when an article came up about reddit and I thought, I wonder how those nice people are doing. Then I signed in an realized that a lot of you really care about how my life is going with Cass. The answer is pretty well now. Things got tough for a while when her ex was released from prison last year, though. She was so afraid that he'd contact her...until he did. I remember that night like it was five minutes ago. Somebody rang our doorbell and the oldest son answered. He asked for Cass. She told the boys to go upstairs and gave me a look and I knew. But she didn't look scared. The bastard apologized and begged for forgiveness and asked for a second chance. She was so brave. I wanted to kill him but she told him no and asked him to leave. He did, and he tried to contact her a few more times before we got an order of protection against him. Last I heard he moved upstate to live with his dad, or something. Around this time her brother Joe also got into a really bad car accident and ended up having to move in with us for a while. He's a great guy and one of my best friends, so we didn't mind, but it was a stressful time. About seven (or eight?) months ago we finally, ahem. Consummated our marriage I guess you can say. The boys are doing great and are really happy. Cass got a pretty good job (although I think she's working too much overtime!) and loves it. We're expecting our first child in February and couldn't be more excited. You could say that life is pretty good. I'll be around for another few hours if you guys have any questions. TL;DR: Things were bad. Now they're pretty damn awesome. Final update - I (M/29) fell in love with my wife (f/25) It's a girl! - rareddit Apr 29, 2015 Technically she was born early March, but I didn't want to make the title "It WAS a girl." Sorry for not updating; it was a pretty rough pregnancy (and Cass has put her foot down about wanting more--I guess three is enough), but everything turned out great! Little Therese was 21" and 9 pounds at birth, and as bald as I am! She's way easier than the boys were, she hardly ever cries and is the most photogenic baby ever!! Our youngest son is completely smitten, and always tries to "help"--it's less cute than you think. Joe is also doing okay. His back is still bothering him but he's dating a girl who actually went to my high school (two years younger than me, though). He's pretty happy with her, and we're all very happy for him. Other than new fatherhood, not much to update! I'm home watching the baby today while Cass it out, so I should be around for a while! tl;dr: It's a girl! NEW UPDATE Update 7 Jan 27, 2025 (10 years later) I'm not sure what I need to link, but this was my last post way back when. hey guys. it's definitely been a minute.I ended up making another account a few years ago to follow things I am interested in. Don't get me wrong, everyone was nice enough but I kind of just wanted to start over with an account where nobody could easily find my life story ha. But I saw it go around every few years and always thought about updating, but there was either nothing huge to update anyone on or I just wanted to get away from it I guess. Like, there were times that it felt that my life was being overshadowed by this great love story that everyone thought was every moment of my life. Then they made a movie and no, I was not involved, I did not see it, and am not going to. I guess the happy updates are that we did end up having another baby. Unplanned but we love him so much. I had kind of put off getting a vasectomy but took care of that right away after that. Cass finished school and has a great job that she's moved up in quite a lot actually. I got out of the military and have been working a civilian job. The dog passed three years ago but they got another puppy a few months ago. Older boys are doing great in high school and in sports, they both made varsity their freshmen year and are so kind. Our younger two are also great, happy and healthy. I got a new job around COVID and love it. Her condition continued to improve and is not completely managed with therapy and medication. Bad updates I can start with the worst one which is that Cass' brother and my friend passed 4 years ago. He got into some trouble about a decade ago and never really got himself back together. We were both devastated. It felt like everything went gray in our lives and we were struggling to stay above water emotionally if that makes sense. I threw myself into work and a hobby of mine in my free time and she was severely depressed and actually quit her hobby to focus on working and the kids. We were basically just roommates raising kids together after a while. I don't know. Hindsight is 20/20 and I think we just didn't think about the other much because we were too focused on ourselves. I asked for a separation about 7 months ago and moved out. She was devastated and didn't agree with it at first, but eventually accepted it. I didn't cheat on her, but I definitely saw how other marriages with our friends were and how she barely asked me about my day or hobbies or anything anymore, everything we talked about was bills, kids, adult stuff. Not the fun things we had previously done even with kids. I was talking more to friends about things like my feelings and hobbies than I was to her. One of them was a woman, but it was just talking, nothing physical. Even in retrospect I don't think it even got to an emotional affair, but I also know I was more excited to talk to this woman at one point than Cass. I know all marriages have mountains and valleys but it felt like this valley was never going to end. I reasoned that we had a great almost 15 years and nobody could ever take that away from us, but we deserved to be happy. I have dated a little here and there but nobody serious. My two older boys stopped talking to me when we separated and didn't come over. She has tried encouraging them to, I know she has but they are stubborn. I think they blame me. She says she didn't tell them anything. I don't know. The younger ones were coming over every other weekend and whenever I asked them to. Around September, I realized that I had made a huge mistake, but unfortunately around this time I found out she had started seeing someone else. A woman who she used to work with. I felt like I had completely ruined my life and went into a dark spot. I was drinking a lot, both alone and at bars when I didn't have my kids. There were a few incidents where we fought, like, really fought. Sometimes she wouldn't let me talk to them, she'd say she knew I'd been drinking which hadn't been an issue when we were together so I got mad. Said some things that I now regret. I quit drinking around the holidays, like a week before Christmas which was hard with all the parties but I'm glad I did. I've started asking for more time with them and tried reaching out to my older two as well. Now my younger kids come over almost half the time and my 2nd oldest sometimes joins them. The oldest was nice to me when I came over for the holidays but doesn't answer my calls or texts. The kids and i are all in individual therapy. I'm not sure where we're going to go from here. I asked her if she wanted me to take the kids for Valentine's Day but she said she didn't have plans. She had ended things with her girlfriend a few weeks ago. I had kinda joked that we could hang out since we'd both be alone but I don't think she thought I was serious. I was and still am. I definitely can see things more clearly now that I've been sober for a month. Not like 100%, I know I wasn't a full blown alcoholic but I was certainly binge drinking which is just as bad. I'll have one or two beers when I'm with people now but no more and I never drink alone. There is no alcohol or anything at my apartment. The reason I don't know where we go from here is because she is so happy right now. I mean, she looks a lot happier and seems happier than she was when we were together. Even though she and her gf split she's happy. I don't know if I was holding her down. A few months ago, she told me she wasn't interested in divorcing or at least she wasn't going to file anything. She said she'd appreciate a heads up if I did file because she would work with me. I don't want to get divorced and I don't want to be separated and I don't want to be living in this stupid apartment anymore without my kids or my wife. I don't think this is such an easy fix that i can just take her out for dinner and tell her how I feel. I've thought about asking her to join a therapy session with me, or even to get couples counseling but every time I want to ask I don't. I guess I just couldn't handle her saying no. Now that she's single and I'm sober I think she'd be more likely to say yes but if she doesn't I'll be crushed. TL;DR: I'm sorry to be such a bummer. I don’t know where to go from here. Feb 21, 2025 I picked up my younger kids from our old house (her house?) the other day. My 2nd oldest decided to come with us so we chatted while he packed up. It’s usually pleasant and not awkward or anything. And it wasn’t until I asked if we could maybe meet up and chat soon. She was confused about why and asked if I was going to file for divorce. I asked if she wanted me to and she avoided the question. So I told her I didn’t plan on it. I don’t know if that made her happy or angry and she said she could meet me after her match on Friday since the kids.l would be in school and neither of us work Fridays. I asked if we could get lunch then and she was fine with that. I asked her what game? Apparently she plays squash now. On quick thing, Cass is not a late in life lesbian and that’s not why we split. A few years back before covid and everything fell apart she basically told me that she had thought a lot about, realized that she is bi and attracted to both men and women. I was worried she was going to ask me for a divorce but she said there were no action items, wasn’t interested in divorce, threesomes, or polyamory. Just kind of an FYI that she would no longer classify herself as straight. I asked some questions of course but accepted this and we really never spoke about it again. She didn’t have an affair with the coworker, they randomly reconnected months after our separation. They broke up bc her girlfriend expressed a lot of frustration and jealousy regarding how much time Cass spent with the kids. She never introduced her gf to the kids; although the older two know she had been dating someone. I’m not going to lie, the next few days I was pretty nervous. Like more than before. I think I hid it well but probably didn’t. My daughter said I was being weird but her older brother said that was because I was weird. I read my old posts a lot. I was way sappier back then. Something I should confess is that I used to read a lot of like you could call them smutty romance books. Before bed it was a nice way to turn my brain off. I mean turn it off I could read a book go to bed and the next morning have no idea what I had read about the night before. It helped me sleep and the stories didn’t matter that much I guess. I don’t do that anymore but I did cringe a bit at some of the things I had said. I was so sappy. But I was apparently all in on the very 2015 millennial cringe writing, bacon is epic iykyk. Don’t worry to the younger people reading this: one day you, too, will be cringe. And I thought about what I would say a lot obviously. I asked her where her game was and suggested a place near there and was pretty fucking anxious waiting for her. She was late and didn’t really apologize. We caught up a little and I actually think I was sweating because she kept asking what was wrong. I just figured I shouldn’t beat around the bush, even if we’re separated we loved each other so much and have four kids. So I asked her if she had thought about me moving back in. She actually seemed annoyed and asked if I was asking to move back in or just wondering if she’d thought about it. She’s normally not as aggressive about these things. It was strange so I just said I’ve been thinking for the past few months about it and think we made a mistake separating. I regret it, I miss her, I miss our family being together. So yeah I said, yeah I’m asking to come back and be a family again. And she said no. I didn’t really say anything for a minute or so. I guess I didn’t really think she’d say no. She had broken up with her girlfriend and said she wasn’t going to file for divorce. All things you all had pointed out were good signs. I got super clammy and sweaty and I guess just asked why. She said she liked her life now. She didn’t have to answer to anyone. The kids were older and more independent, if she wanted to meet a friend for dinner or go shopping she didn’t have to ask anyone to see if it was ok. She only had to do her own laundry now and since the kids have chores her house workload is much easier to maintain. She can watch what shows she wants and not have to worry about me wanting to play games or watch sports or something. She is planning a trip to Peru with a few of her friends and said she wouldn’t have even considered that if we were still together. She could be more selfish and have more of her time for her. Before you freak out she wasn’t saying that I didn’t do my part in our family. It was me not doing my part it was just that she didn’t have a person to worry about. She tried explaining it like if someone asked her to do something Friday and she knew she was free there was nobody she had to check with to make sure it’s ok she could just say yes. I told her I didn’t care if she did things with her friends but she said that wasn’t the point and said to drop it. I don’t know why I did this then but I asked if she was seeing someone else and she said not really, but that’s none of my business because she doesn’t bring anyone around the kids. Then asked if I was so I told her no. Because it is her business? We have four kids why wouldn’t it be? She said she knew I had been seeing people and I admitted I’d been some dates but nothing serious. She asked if I had planned the dates I went on, like looked for a spot and made reservations. She asked if I paid for them and if I had slept with any of them and I was honest. It didn’t feel like an interrogation but it also didn’t feel like I was talking to cass. She’s normally so warm and friendly and worried about other people but it was more like, she was curious. There were some more things. She’s still mad that I left and feels like I took the easy way out by moving out and leaving her with the house and the kids. Which was not fair to me, we had an entire discussion about it and agreed that would be best. She said that didn’t matter and that for months she was basically doing everything while I got to live like a single guy. I got mad, it wasn’t like I walked in one day and was like hey I’m outta here good luck with all this I’ll see the kids when I feel like it. But that’s how she sees it so I had no idea how to even respond to that. These are just what I remembered. I was not my top self at that lunch. I think I psyched myself out too much, or maybe was too positive and didn’t really consider her just outright rejecting me. She was a little cooler than she normally was. And she’s just different. I don’t know how to explain it. Like I guess I didn’t realize how far apart we had grown. At one point I asked her if she missed our family and she said we should stop talking about this in public, like she was embarrassed. So she left. We hugged. I told her I loved her and she said it back, but I feel like she looked like she felt sorry for me. She said we should do this again sometime. I didn’t have plans last night. I wish I had. I didn’t drink, though don’t worry. I thought about watching the movie you all say is based on my life but I forgot what it was called so I watched this one show Cass used to want me to watch with her but I never did because it looked boring but I actually liked it and I get why she likes it. I watched like the entire first season and texted her way too late that I watched it and loved it. She read it pretty late and eventually responded that she loved that for me and to let her know when I finished it so we could talk. I know I fucked it up. I should have just told her how much I missed her and loved her and would do anything to make it work. I just got nervous. Also I might be being dramatic but it just felt like there were two scepters I don’t know, haunting the conversation in her brother and our oldest son. I know she’s devastated about her brother. I know they were closer than we were just being friends but I’m the one who found him and she’s never validated my grief about him. Like yes I get it he was your brother but he was also my friend. It’s not a competition on who gets to be sadder. And my son thinks I had an affair even though we’ve both told him that’s not true. At least she’s said she told him and yes he’s in therapy but he’s just so angry. And again please before you start saying we should get therapy, I am in therapy and she is happy for me, but is not interested in therapy for herself or couples therapy. I’ve tried pushing it and it hasn’t gone well. So it’s a non starter. And I know there will be someone saying “I know you repeatedly have said that she’s not interested in therapy, but I think you two should try therapy” and while I agree with you, that does not help me. She’s had bad experiences with therapy including couples therapy and will not do it herself. I don’t know. I’m probably over sharing but idk how many people will read this here. If she wants to be alone there’s nothing I can do about that. If she wants to date other people I can’t help that. If she doesn’t want to be married anymore we could take a step back (well, forward from where we are now) and just casually date and I could be her boyfriend or just be friends or whatever. She can go to Peru and play squash and I’m not going to get in her way, if she’ll believe me. I just won’t do an open marriage but I think I know her well enough to know she wouldn’t either. I’m sad. Maybe we were just meant to grow up together but not grow old together. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/tsstan1 Originally posted to r/relationship_advice Status: Concluded Trigger Warning: Emotional Infidelity Mood Spoiler: Depressing Original - January 26th 2021 My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months now. Our relationship with each other is amazing, and I can honestly say I haven't felt this way about anyone I've previously dated. A bit about him: He's sort of an introvert in that while he's definitely social, he doesn't talk too much and when he does it's still very restrained, as in well-parsed. He is this way with everyone. Except this one friend of his. I'd sort of met her before because my best friend is a mutual friend of ours. (My bf and I actually met through my best friend). My bf knows her because she has been his close friend for almost 5 years now. Apparently they were neighbors in their university dorm and they also had the same program. My boyfriend and her seem to share a kind of connection that I honestly can't say I do with him. He talks so much when she's present. His whole demeanor changes. The widest I've seen him smile has been when she's present. If there's a bunch of us in a room the two of them will have these shared references and inside jokes. A couple of months back, my bf had fractured his foot and was bed-ridden for the most part. She came to give him food literally every day. You could actually see his face brighten when he learned she'd come. I sometimes feel that if you take away the sexual aspect of my relationship with him, it might not hold up against what he has with her. She broke up with her bf a few months back too, and it's gotten to the point where I'm actively trying to set her up with someone. The worst part about this is that she's likeable. She's attractive, she has this dorky sort of humor that my bf loves, the food she was making for him was amazing. My bf is into science documentaries and I'm not so we've never really watched them. She doesn't seem that into it either but she watched it with him, kept asking him stuff, and he was so enthusiastic in his explanations. I've now started doing stuff he wants just to emulate that. What prompted me into coming here happened this weekend. She had come over and my bf wanted ice cream so we went to a nearby creamery. The two of them were done with their orders because they already knew what they wanted (which incidentally happened to be the same flavor ugh) while I like taking my time testing stuff. There was an old lady with what seemed like her granddaughter, who noticed that they had the same flavors, and said "you two look great together". My bf corrected her, but god did that hurt. I just don't know what to do. Are they even doing anything wrong? What do I even complain to him about? Am I in over my head here? Relevant Comments: Comment 1: I feel that some comments are really inconsiderate to the OP because if you’d place yourself in the shoes of the OP I am certain many would comment differently. I will not lie and say that I would have flares of insecurity as well if that would be my boyfriend. I can imagine seeing the inside banter between them that would make it seem like there is chemistry in the air. However, this could be very well something only your mind would focus on while both your BF and this female friend don’t think of anything but having a good friendly time., especially due to the amount of time they have known each other. If you are really uncomfortable with the situation just bring it up in a calm manner with your BF. It is okay to ask reassurance sometimes, doesn’t mean you are sabotaging the relationship. Communication is key. Comment 2: I’d feel insecure if I was in your position too. I think you just have to talk to him about how this makes you feel, or it’s always going to drive you crazy. It doesn’t sound like you suspect them of doing anything, so start by telling him that you believe he’d never cheat you and you’re not accusing him of anything-but sometimes their interactions make you feel uncomfortable. From your perspective, bringing him food everyday while he was injured is something that a spouse/partner would do. Also tell him you notice that out of all of his friends, he only replies to her texts. Hopefully he understands where you’re coming from. Make sure you’re clear that you don’t want to stop their friendship, because you feel like she’s your friend too, but you’d appreciate it if he was more aware about how this makes you feel because their friendship makes you feel like a third wheel. Good luck and keep us posted! OP: Thanks. Asking in this manner wouldn't come across as jealous? Comment 3: It's okay to feel a little jealous too. People assume that jealousy is the end all to all relationships but at the end of the day, it's just an emotion, one which can be navigated as well. Maybe you could imply that you're envious of the close relationship they have and you would love to share more of his interests so that you could feel like a part of it too. Also it's natural to be a little jealous here, as long as you dont cross any boundaries in their friendship and communicate openly, there's nothing wrong with feeling this way either. Comment 4: Ngl, I couldn’t handle that type of relationship dynamic with my SO. Some of you are super secure, and that’s great, but for me the paranoia and insecurity would just be overwhelming. OP I'm not going to give you any objective advice, because this is all about personal comfort, but knowing myself this isn't something that I could get over regardless of reassurance from an SO. I'd personally rather date somebody that has close friendships with people of their same gender. Comment 5: I've been through such a situation and it haunted me for the duration of the relationship. I didn't understand why he couldn't have such a connection with me and that hurt me the most. I wanted what they had. . I now have my best friend in my relationship, because that's what I always wanted and that's what hurt me in that other relationship - not them (he & her-his BFF). Hope this gives some perspective. OP: This is very much how I feel. Like I have friends too, and my bf has friends besides her too, including other female friends, whom he's close to as well. What he seems to have with her is on some other level though. Maybe I'm not able to put it in words which is why I'm apparently coming across as super insecure and jealous, or maybe they're right I am being that way. But you seem to have gone through a similar thing, so it's not irrational then. Comment 6 (downvoted): Would you feel differently if she was his sister? OP: Ofcourse OP (in response to a long comment): I have male friends that I'm close with, and he's got female friends other than her that he's close to as well. He's never had a problem with mine, and I've never had a problem with them. I guess it came across in the post as if I have an issue with him having a female friend or even close friends in general, but that's not the case, I'm perfectly ok with that. His guy friends come over fairly regularly and sometimes it'll be his entire squad, including the girls, and it's literally never been an issue. His bond with her seems to be something else though, even considering that they've been friends for 5 years or w/e. Their compatibility almost seems to be seamless, they just seem to care about each other a lot (I know that's not a bad thing). What sucks is that he's actually the best guy I've been with. I really don't want to end this, I'd planned on being with him for the long run, everything has been great except for this one thing, which really isn't his fault either. Comment 7: He’s known her for nearly five years longer than he’s known you - they’re bound to have a connection. But he’s not dating her - he’s dating you. And while he’s clearly had opportunities to date this girl, he doesn’t see her that way, and it sounds like she doesn’t see him that way either. If she’s likeable, I’d stop worrying about if and just try to be friends with her. Any sign of paranoia on your part here is just going to sabotage your relationship. OP: I have told myself this a lot, that he's known me for 6 months while he's had friends whom he's known much longer. But I guess what bothers me is how he's one kind of person to all his friends, many of whom he's known for about the same length as her, but a totally different person for her. Like for example he's notorious for being terrible at answering texts to the point that it's a running joke. But he'll always reply to her as soon as he gets one. idk, maybe I'm thinking too much into it. Comment 8: This sounds really difficult. I am in a similar situation but I am your boyfriend. My best friend of 18 years is a dude. We are practically the same person. We don't have to even fully express an idea before the other has finished and is up and running with it. He's chronically ill and I have traveled to care for him months at a time. I have often referred to him as the male version of me and we share all the same interests. I have been with my husband for 20 years. We are so different from one another. We share some interests but not all. However, we share values and goals. I love my husband and the idea of being without makes me feel like I can't breathe. I don't want to be with my bff. From the outside it doesn't really make a lot of sense to people who don't know me best. I can't really explain it to you. My husband is just home. He's been 'home' since the first time I met him. I have to work harder at my relationship with him than with my bff but it's so worth it. My advice is to talk to your boyfriend about your insecurity then trust him. He sounds like a great guy. OP about when the friend and her bf broke up: Ya, she broke up with her bf around 3-4 months ago. Update: - January 28th 2021 Thank you for the advice in the original post. I had decided to not bring it up with my bf. Some comments had made the compelling point that they hadn't really done anything wrong and I was letting my insecurities ruin a relationship. I didn't want to ruin what has been an amazing relationship just because I let my mind run amok. Since then I'd entered the relationship with a positive mindset, we spent all day yesterday together, doing stuff that each of us wanted to do. Today, I thought we would try out a new Chinese place which is near where he works (he's on wfh again). After the advice I'd received, I thought that new shared experiences is what would create the connection I wanted between the two of us. He told me that yeah, it's good, he'd tried it with her a few weeks ago (before the second lockdown had started) during lunch. (They both work in the downtown area and I guess they're close enough to meet up for lunch). I know it's a small thing, and going for lunch together with a friend is w/e but it was just the fact that this was another shared experience lost that just got to me. I opened up to him about how I felt like an outsider when him and his friend were together, about how I couldn't relate to the stuff they talked about and all that. He was incredibly comforting. He apologized and said that he didn't realize it, that he should've figured that would be the case, and he's going to make sure I don't feel that way. This is where I fucked up. I think I let my insecurities get the better of me here and I got greedy. I told him about how I felt she was doing stuff that I should be doing as his gf, that his relationship with her made me feel like a third wheel, and that sometimes I felt some boundaries were being crossed inadvertently. He said he was sorry about that but "she's a very important person in my life. We've been through a lot together in the last 5 years". He asked me why they couldn't be close as friends and what was wrong with her trying to help him out during a tough time (referring to the daily food stuff). I didn't have an answer to that. What he was saying just made sense. I told him that I wanted our relationship to mature further, that I felt I wasn't getting to be that important person in his life. He apologized and said he would made sure I didn't feel that way, that it was his fault, but "she shouldn't be punished for our mistakes". At this point I started to cry for some reason. I can't explain it. Him putting himself at fault for everything is the last thing I wanted. He seemed so distraught during all of it, and I hate what this convo did to him. I'm so ashamed that I let my insecurities hurt us like this. He kept comforting me. We've said we're good but there just seems to be this feeling in the air that I hate. I don't know if I just fucked it up, but I'm going to make sure it's not irreversible, and not let my insecurities get the better of me. Relevant Comments: Comment 1: It’s a good thing that you were open and honest about it though. Stop feeling bad and thinking you messed up. Otherwise this would have eaten away at you for so long, you could have ended up being resentful in the big picture. I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling the way you feel in any way. I would not be comfortable with the situation either because it’s really not normal. And I know a lot of other people would agree. I don’t really have much advice except that I feel bad for you that you’re going through this and you keep beating yourself up over it. There is a real problem in your relationship and you keep directing it back at yourself. Saying the things about you being the one that is screwing up and your insecurities are the problem and you feeling like you have to fix things. When you should be exploring things together, as a team. I can’t help but wonder if after the conversation of your boyfriend feels this much anguish over the direction of the relationship and wondering how to move forward? I’m sorry you’re going through this. Comment 2: Just want to jump in here to further emphasize what other posts have said: you’re not wrong for feeling the way you do. We all have our own boundaries, and sure, some people from your old post may feel like your bf and his friend aren’t crossing a boundary... but that’s for THEM. They aren’t the ones in the relationship, YOU are. With that said, OP, you can then see if there’s something you and your bf can agree on. If it were me, I’d think about what my hard boundaries are and why they’re a boundary for me, that way I can explain to my bf clearly what I want out of all of this. You obviously care about his long term relationship with his friend, so make it clear to him that you don’t want to get in the way of his friendship but you also want to be comfortable in your own relationship with him. Lastly, It seems to me that he doesn’t really understand how his friendship with her is causing you discomfort, so this may be something you’ll have to revisit. To me, it’s clear that you see his friend doing things or filling in roles in his life which you’re supposed to have. If that’s the case, then explain that. He asked you questions you couldn’t answer, so perhaps, next time you talk (if you choose to have another talk with him- which I advise, considering how you’re feeling), think on these things deeply beforehand so that you can give him answers. Good luck and hugs to you. I’ve been through a similar situation so I know these are hard to deal with. OP: The friend thing could be in my head idk. The best thing might be to ignore my thoughts about her. He promised to help me out in this whole situation as much as possible. I feel like the relationship is b/w me and my bf and we should just work on and enjoy that. OP (in response to a deleted comment): By the time we reach a stage where we're getting married, our relationship would have filled whatever gaps there seem to be right now. And that's what I think me and him should be looking at going forward. Comment 3: babe, do you really want to be in a relationship that has 3 people in it? i bet if guys break up, she's going to be the next person he dates. and that's fucked up. OP: That's how I was thinking about it before and I just think I was being OTT about it. The relationship is between me and him and that's all that matters. His friend shouldn't matter. I think it's best to ignore these kind of insecure thoughts and that's one thing I need to work on. My bf OTOH will be making sure I don't feel left out like he promised. OP (in response to advice about sharing experiences with bf): Thank you for the perspective. We're definitely in a much better place since we talked even though at the time I thought it was a disaster lol. And I do find a lot of his hobbies interesting, I've slowly been learning chess and playing with him a lot (which is hard because he's on another level), he's been teaching me basketball, we've been sharing our music styles with each other etc. The documentaries were one thing that I hadn't tried with him (they were 2 hours long) and now I'vs started doing that too. I just wanted to say this because a fair number of comments (not you) have been telling me I'm not putting enough effort in the relationship based on that one thing alone. And ofcourse, I never wanted to ostracize her, I'm sorry if it cam across that way. Update2: March 3rd 2021 I'd been feeling a bit resentful about the advice at the time since I thought my convo with him had hurt our relationship but it had honestly proven to be a windfall for it. He told me he was glad that I'd talked to him and he didn't know before if I was serious about us, but he did now. We'd been creating a lot of "us time", and he'd been going the extra mile for me since. We even went to a cottage for the entire Valentine's weekend. I wasn't feeling left out any more and felt our relationship was so much more secure, so I'd really come to be grateful for the advice here. For the past week, I felt like something was bothering him, but he kept saying it was nothing. I had noticed a few things though. He just seemed a bit uncomfortable sometimes especially when he was on his phone. I wanted to give him space to tell me about it when he felt like he should, because I know he prefers that. He also goes to her place around twice a week, but now he was insisting that I come along too and once when I initially said I wasn't up for it, he started trying to convince one of his best friends who lives close by. She also hadn't come over all week. Like I had said before, I never wanted to ruin a friendship that means a lot to him, so I did think that maybe that's what had happened but I didn't think too much about. I also hadn't made the connection between this and my bf feeling bothered. Yesterday, I asked him again, what was bothering him and that I just wanted to help him. He told me that he had thought that he shouldn't tell this to anyone but he'd thought about it a bit more and concluded that he'd want to know if he was in my position, that she had told him a week ago when they were just chilling that she used to have feelings for him and that's what made her feel wrong in continuing her previous relationship, but that she was happy for him and us now and that it was in the past. I felt sick in the stomach when I heard this. I know it's in the past that the fact that she felt strongly enough about him that it affected her relationship bothers me so much. It sort of got heated between us. I told him how I thought it was super messed up that she said that, and am I just supposed to believe that her feelings turned off like a switch. He said he understood, but that she would never have said it if she hadn't gotten over it, and that she never acted on it. I was still so angry at this whole thing, and I was also in a way angry at her, because our relationship was finally in such an amazing place. We kept arguing for a bit, and he said that she'd also been feeling terrible about it. He also showed me a couple of texts he'd gotten from her. She was asking him if they were still friends that she'd opened up to him because she just felt like she could tell him anything, and that she'd been feeling as if she'd ruined their friendship and she didn't want that to happen, and that it was in the past, and my bf was telling her that it was w/e and apologized for acting weird. I know my boyfriend is trying to look at from a compassionate perspective, and the texts did make me feel a bit sorry for her, but just the fact that while we were dating, she was into him while in our room just upsets me. Also, our relationship has been growing so strong and I feel like I should treat this thing as a minor nuisance but I can't stop thinking about it. I know in my last post a lot of comments and some messages I had gotten in my inbox had told me that I was being crazy and insecure and some even said I should seek therapy, but isn't this a vindication of how I was feeling? I understand that people cant control who they develop feelings for and true, she hasn't acted on it, but how do I get over the feeling of just wanting her out of our lives? Am I even wrong in thinking this way anymore? Relevant Comments: Comment 1: I told him how I thought it was super messed up that she said that, and am I just supposed to believe that her feelings turned off like a switch. He said he understood, but that she would never have said it if she hadn't gotten over it, and that she never acted on it. That's very generous of him but she did act on it every time she did something you felt was over the line and into girlfriend territory. Just because she didn't try to make out with him doesn't mean she didn't act on it. Those daily meals? Those documentaries she wasn't into but watched anyway. I'm sure there are other things that made you want to ask who the girlfriend is. You guys had to have a come jesus conversation about it right? She probably told him to test the waters and see if she should be acting on it. If he had given her a hint of interest do you think her feelings would have stayed "in the past" ? It’s a good thing that you were open and honest about it though. Stop feeling bad and thinking you messed up. Otherwise this would have eaten away at you for so long, you could have ended up being resentful in the big picture. I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling the way you feel in any way. I would not be comfortable with the situation either because it’s really not normal. And I know a lot of other people would agree. I don’t really have much advice except that I feel bad for you that you’re going through this and you keep beating yourself up over it. There is a real problem in your relationship and you keep directing it back at yourself. Saying the things about you being the one that is screwing up and your insecurities are the problem and you feeling like you have to fix things. When you should be exploring things together, as a team. I can’t help but wonder if after the conversation of your boyfriend feels this much anguish over the direction of the relationship and wondering how to move forward? I’m sorry you’re going through this. OP: Thank you. You're so right, all that stuff that I'd chalked up to her having a connection with him, and that other people in my previous posts had just chalked up to her having known my bf for a long time, could have been her acting on her feelings, and I'll be honest, that thought makes me sick. Comment 2: OP I read through your posts. Your bf honestly sounds like a great guy and he's put in the effort to grow and develop your connect. So the question is, do you trust him? Because her and her intentions are irrelevant here. If he's worth it and the relationship is worth it, relax and trust him to be the man he's already shown you he is. OP: I do trust him, but it still makes me uncomfortable. Comment 3: I agree that she should not have told him about her past feelings. If she really wanted to move on she wouldn't need him to know. I understand your frustration with her, but please don't be mad at your boyfriend. So far he hasn't done anything to make you distrust him and he told you about what she said when he didn't know if he should. Don't be mad at him for telling you about the situation, because that might make it harder for him to he open with you in the future. Regardless it sounds like he is trying to progress the relationship with you and not be alone with her. Trust him! OP: Thank you for the comment. I'm not mad at him, and I trust him completely. I'm just frustrated at this entire thing, especially the timing of it, precisely because our relationship has been in such an amazing place of late. Comment 4: Your boyfriend sounds like an amazing guy. As for the friend confessing, I don't blame her at all. My best friend is a guy. I love him very much as a friend and have a similar relationship to what your bf has with her. She wanted to be honest with him as a friend. To me, she didn't try anything. Those meals? Documentaries? Maybe she did have feelings for him then. But at least she came clean to him. To move forward on her own. Maybe it's seen as selfish but I get it. But at least she was honest with him. Do you trust him? What more do you want him to do? Would you rather him hide the truth from you? Has he given you cause to suspect him? What do you want him to do from here? You can only work on yourself and continue to trust him. Maybe talking to her yourself would give you peace of mind. Discussing boundaries. Honestly, I would be jealous too if I were in your position, but just know that your boyfriend is with you for a reason. And not her. Take care. OP: My bf and I had a conversation over this (I posted in my final update) and while it wasn't what I would have ideally wanted, I'm just going to continue to trust him, and not spare a second thought to her, harsh as that may sound, and just ensure our relationship goes from strength to strength. Update3: March 7th 2021 After my convo with my boyfriend when he'd told me about how his gf used to feel and how he'd never felt anything towards her, I'd told myself that now that I knew he didn't feel that way, this wouldn't bother me. But it did, to the point where I was actively harboring negative feelings for her in my head. A couple of Redditors had given me the advice that maybe have one last talk in a calm manner, so I did that yesterday when we both were in a good mood with the intention of this being the last time I ever talked about her. I started off with telling him how I loved him and that our relationship had become so strong and that we were a team, so I didn't know why he felt he had to be uncomfortable alone rather than confide in me. He said that he loved me too, and that when his friend had shared her past feelings with him, he felt that she thought it was only meant for him, which is why he was conflicted but that I was right and that our relationship was strong enough that others should know that if its something that indirectly affects our relationship, we would be telling each other about it. I then opened up to him about how I felt so weird about the fact that she decided to put her feelings out there for him, that what if she still felt the same way, and that the fact that there was a time when the three of us were in a room and from her perspective the situation would be improved if I wasn't there bothered me so much. He told me that she'd sworn that her feelings were in the past, that they were both super high at the time and she'd also had a few drinks, so this wasn't a calculated move on her part. That she'd never ever made a pass at him, and that she probably felt she could trust him to not feel weird when she said that, and that if he acted cold towards her now, he'd be punishing her for being forthright. He said that he loved me and I was his main priority, and he wanted to be with me for good. (I said I felt the same way). That if I felt so uncomfortable about it, he'd do whatever I wanted to feel comfortable, but if I could just give it another thought and that I had no reason to be bothered. That if I trusted him, then "there were no possible chain of events that could hurt our relationship". That she was one of his four best friends whom he trusted with everything and who'd been with him through everything in the past, that all he wanted was for me to just look at it once more but he'd do whatever he could to comfort me. I did think about it in that moment and decided that ok, I guess what he was saying did make sense, there is a chance that I'm wrong though I don't think I am but I trusted him and didn't want this to be a thorn in our relationship. So I said, ok but she had to maintain some boundaries until I came to terms with it. He agreed. We agreed that she shouldn't get to be alone with him excessively until I'm ok with it, that I would always be the first port of call for him and he said that if at any point I felt lines were being crossed he would reevaluate. It was an incredibly uncomfortable convo for both of us and I hated every second of it but I feel it had to be done. I'm done with this chapter and dont want to take her name between us again. I'm thankful to all the people who game me advice and my relationship with my bf has gone from strength to strength. Thanks, and I hope (and believe) that I will never have to post here again. Relevant Comments: Comment 1: What is he talking about? He already lead the relationship down a path with this friendship that hurt your relationship? Also the only reason she would trust him not to feel weird is if she thought he reciprocated her feelings. This really isn't about what you want him to do but about what he's willing to do proactively. In this case he wants you to grant him another pass, with this friend. Only a month after telling him you were sick of her shit. He seems more concerned with the friend's feelings than he does with yours so I don't think that has actually occurred to him. God forbid the friend should actually suffer the consequences of her actions. I genuinely would love to know the why he thinks she should have trusted him not to be weird after that confession? Why? It would be perfectly normal for a confession like that to completely alter the dynamic of the friendship. So why has he convinced himself that all this situation needs is your trust. She's the one who has crossed the boundaries but you are the one who is being asked concede. Why is he so comfortable with moving past this? Has he at the very least apologized for putting you through this? OP: Yes, he did, he said he was so sorry for how his behavior with his friend had been making me feel uncomfortable and upset, and that he'd enforce the boundaries that we had just agreed to, so I could feel comfortable with her, although I don't know if I can ever reach a stage where I'm comfortable with her for a while. OP (in response to a comment about whether the friend apologized and if the friend was a factor in OP's bf and his ex breaking up): In the texts that he showed where she was expressing remorse for her confession, she did say that she was happy for us and would never want to jeopardize our relationship, but nothing about me specifically I guess. I don't care for an apology right now. I never want to discuss her again in our relationship. When by bf and I had our convo about how I felt that sometimes I wasn't as close to him as she was emotionally, a month or so ago, he did follow it up by going the extra mile for me, and making sure I felt like I was the most important person in his life. Which is why I can't see why he would renege on the boundaries we set in this convo, and the fact that he would make adjustments for any discomfort I feel. I believe their relationship ended because the distance and constant commute just took its toll, even though from what he said the two of them tried their best to make it work at the time. Update4: December 8th 2021 This is the most pain I've ever been in. I thought we were good. He told me he'd distance himself from his friend and kept true to it this entire time. He reached out to her because of a death in her family and even I said ya ofc you should do that. This was less than two months ago. Last night I was told he had to give a relationship with her a chance. Everything sucks. Relevant Comments: Comment 1: I’m so sorry you were a second choice to him all along. You deserve better than that. Please do not accept him back when his “thing” with a friend doesn’t work out. Comment 2: Dw karma will eat his ass up when she dumps him and he feels the pain you feel. I promise you what comes around goes around, it’s inevitable. Comment 3: I just read all your posts, I'm so sorry you're going through all this. That other girl had no right to mention her "past" feelings to him. It was unfair to you and your relationship. She mentioned them because she wanted to have your bf be the one to do something, so she didn't look like it was all her idea. The fact that your bf played along with it and has now actually told you he wants to try something with her is cold and heartless. You are a strong individual, and I know this may hurt now but don't you dare let it consume you. If he comes to you to try and apologize or talk, or even try and get back with you don't accept shit. He's just shown you his priorities and what type of selfish people he and this girl are. Block them both and cut them out of your life, and you focus on yourself and finding someone who will choose you. Keep your head up! OP: Thank you so much. I just don't understand. Everything had worked out. We were in such a good place. I'm really trying to move ahead. Thank you. OP (in response to a comment bucking her up): Thank you so much for this, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. I've really been trying to move past this, I can't right now because it came out of nowhere, but I'm just trying to see it through. It's been incredibly confusing, we'd been so good, I thought we were going all the way. I'm just trying to go through time hour by hour. Thank you for the kind words. Epilogue (OP posting in r/offmychest 8 days ago): January 27th 2026 I swore I'd never use this account again but I need a place to be pathetic. Its so stupid that I care about this but I can't get past how completely unfair the world is. Seriously, karma is bs we tell ourselves to be happy. The people who hurt you win in life. They go on to get married, and start families, the kind of family that you had discussed with them and planned names for and thought about family pets. 4 years ago my boyfriend whom I'd been dating for almost 2 years, had talked about marriage with, a family with, decided he need to try with his best friend and see where it goes. After I had brought up with him how their closeness made me uncomfortable. On reddit's advice BTW. I even think it was a mistake bringing it up, I resent all those who told me it needed to be solved. I was HAPPY with the way things were. Instead I basically told him hey your best friend's better for you than I am. Insane advice. I was with a mutual friend of ours yesterday and we were discussing what to gift to one of our friends for her baby shower. I was like its my first baby shower, and she was like shes only been to

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRAawkwardtg2021 My (22F) boyfriend (29M) fed turkey giblets to my parents' dog after they told him not to, among other rude things Originally posted to r/relationship_advice Original Post Nov 26, 2021 We've been together since January so about 10 months. He kind of has a pattern of being weird or childish in situations involving food. I found myself very embarrassed by how he acted at Thanksgiving with my family today, and want to know if I'm being too harsh or dramatic. The first thing was that when my mom was about to start preparing the turkey for roasting, he stuck his hand inside it and pulled out the little bag with the giblets. She asked what he was doing. He asked if he could give them to the dog. She said no, they don't feed him anything besides dog food as they don't want him learning to beg when they're eating. He then got a knife and fork, and started dissecting bits of the giblets on the counter, staring at them close up and touching them. I had to remind him to wash his hands. All the while my mom, brother, brother's girlfriend, and myself are trying to actually get stuff cooked. He doesn't offer or ask if he can help at all and just hovers around picking at things and being in the way. I could tell my mom was annoyed. At the dinner itself he commented out loud several times on food he didn't like. Not just politely turning it down, but comments like "eww I hate gravy" and "this stuffing has onions, onions are gross." He asked what type of cranberry sauce there was and then said "oh that's the gross kind." My family definitely noticed. They looked uncomfortable. My mom even offered to make additional food if he wanted something else in particular. He said he was fine with what was there, but then hardly ate anything. My mom felt bad afterwards and I had to reassure her it wasn't her fault at all. Towards the end of the meal he left the table, I figured he was just getting something or going to the bathroom. My dad got up shortly after. He later told me that when he went in the kitchen to bring out dessert, he found the dog eating the giblets from earlier off the floor and my boyfriend in the act of scraping a pile of food from various dishes into the dog's bowl. My dad said he was giggling to himself as he did it. Wtf? He was explicitly told not to feed him people food and then did it in secret like a child... and even got caught like a child? I have never seen another adult do something like that. Then, back at the table for dessert, he loaded his plate with 2-3x as many sweets as everyone else took on the first time they were being passed around. 90% of what he ate was dessert. When clean up time came, everyone including my elderly grandparents volunteered to help except him. I had to ask him. He did a half assed job, and kept "inspecting" the turkey carcass pulling bones apart and making a mess of it. My dad (irritated from the earlier thing with the dog I now know) snapped at him to either put it in the fridge or leave it alone. He went back in the dining room and ate more pie while the rest of us were finishing cleaning up the kitchen. Overall I am majorly embarrassed of his behavior. I feel like the mom of a little kid, except a kid wouldn't know better. I shouldn't have to correct the behavior of a grown man right?? And before you ask if he was just anxious about meeting my family or something - he's met them all before several times. Even if he hadn't that wouldn't explain it because he's done similar things before in front of his own family and when it's just the two of us. I am tired of the weird way he acts around food. Tired of worrying if he's going to get weird looks from other people. As someone in my 20's I shouldn't be getting "reports" from my parents that my boyfriend did something rude and immature. They questioned if I felt like he was on my same level. I feel like I generally am happy with him, and then things like this pop up and I remember he has this other side that really turns me off. He's older than me but I feel like I'm the older one sometimes. So I guess my questions are, how important is this, is there any chance he'll grow out of it and what would help that happen, and how would you recommend I bring it up to him? I don't feel comfortable bringing him around my family again unless he acts normal, so I can't just pretend nothing happened. TL;DR: How should I address my boyfriend's weird, inappropriate behavior at my family's Thanksgiving? TOP COMMENTS Witty-Stock-4913 You've been with him 9 months, he's demonstrated that despite the fact that he's pushing 30 he's a giant man-child, and the dog feeding was a huge f u to your parents. Why are you with this person??? ~ proveitlikeatheorem I’m having second-hand embarrassment on your behalf. Imagine having to bring him to a work function/dinner and him acting a fool in front of your colleagues and boss? Drop this dude like a hot potato. You can do better. ~ princesscraftypants So...lemme see if I have this right. A man who is nearly 30: Was so bad at being helpful that he actually got in the way of the meal being prepared. Insulted the meal everyone prepared for him. If I'm being generous - he fed your dog unapproved food, but the secrecy and giggling makes it feel more malicious. Ate too many sweets (this one doesn't bother me so much, but it bothered you so it definitely matters). Had to be scolded away from fucking with an animal carcass while he... ...again was so unhelpful that he was in the way of people trying to clean up. I'm curious what other childish behaviour he's exhibited in the past around food? If you think more about how he behaves, is it only food? As in, how often is he more obstructive than helpful - how often does he disregard specific requests (not "don't feed the dog" but maybe where to park, not following directions for laundry, etc.)? As for your TLDR about how to address it - personally all I want to do is sit down next to him, thwap my hands onto my knees, and say, "So. Thanksgiving. What the fuck?" ~ CheyBridgeaman I would murder on the dog thing. It’s not just about begging. It’s about pancreatitis. Jesus fuck that could kill your dog or at least be several thousand in treatment. Dog’s digestive systems are set up to basically handle one major protein at a time. When you add new proteins AND fat, dogs can get very ill. I mean it was disrespectful too but Jesus. Fuck with my dog and you’re out. (20 Some years in and off in vet med and holidays like this are just chock full of emergency pancreatitis) The rest is also ridiculous. He’s almost 30 not 13. He is acting like a toddler: This would be a deal breaker for me. Sorry. OOP I didn't know anything about this, my parents got the dog after I went to college (they joked he's their replacement kid hahaha) so I never grew up with dogs or have any myself. This is horrible to think about. I am so glad my dad stopped him in time. I'm even more pissed now. Update Nov 27, 2021 (Next Day) Update: I've broken up with him. I talked about it more with my parents yesterday and realized if I'm embarrassed to honestly answer their questions about my relationship, then that's a bad sign. I found myself trying to give a bunch of excuses to make his weird behavior seem less bad than it was. I also outright lied a couple times about other things in our relationship. Eventually this got exhausting and I just confessed I'd fucked up and had no good excuse. My mom asked what I thought would be best for me. The answer at that point was obvious. I also left out some details when I wrote my first post. I guess I was too embarrassed to give the full picture. I want to provide it now as a confession thing, but also because I can now more clearly see HOW FUCKING WEIRD this man was and just want people to validate that after I spent so long in denial!!! The giblets he fed to the dog? He fished them out of the trash bin to do that. My mom had thrown them away after he cut them up and made a mess on the counter. He would have needed to dig through the fucking garbage to find them again. My parents found chocolate bars missing from the cabinet. Those were not part of the dessert that was available to everyone. We think he snuck them at some point, like a little kid. His general diet is atrocious. It's like what a 5 year old would eat except I know there's tons of kids who eat way better. Pizza, chicken nuggets, pasta, fries, chips, grilled cheese, mac and cheese, lucky charms and other sugary cereals, ice cream, candy. Not a single thing that isn't white, beige, or some hideous artificial shade of orange/yellow. Whenever I'd try to share my food or get something else for him, he'd snap at me angrily. He.....doesn't have a job. I know. I know. Fully expecting to be raked over the coals for ever accepting that in a partner at this age. When I finally admitted it to my parents, they were like "are you serious???" I'd told them he was in school and living with his parents to save money. He actually was "thinking about going back to school", which never took the form of any action, and lives with his parents because where tf else can he live with no income. I guess I thought I could help motivate him. I thought that's what you do as partners, support each other like a team. Now I can see there never was any team. It was just him doing what he wanted. Because he was broke I also ended up paying for most of the stuff we did together when we went out. Some people asked about the part where I said he did similar weird food things with his family. You guys wanted to know how his family reacted - they didn't. They'd either pretend not to notice, or else thought it was normal. I'm not sure which. He did things in front of them like blowing bubbles in his drink, cutting grains of rice in half with his fork over and over, and eating ice cream directly out of the container instead of spooning it into his bowl. There was one time his parents were going to take all of us out to dinner and when discussing which restaurant to go to, they eliminated a bunch because they "didn't have anything Boyfriend would eat." His mom would sometimes serve him a completely separate meal if whatever she'd made for the family was something he refused to eat. Sex was weird. I'd put his hand between my legs and every time he'd be like "eww it's slimy!" The whole thing was just really weird and uncomfortable. He only wanted me to do things to or with his dick, nothing for me. He criticized me for my natural pubic hair AND THEN for having stubble after shaving it like what do you want???, refused to return oral on me, and said my boobs weren't big enough. I don't even fucking know, guys... I don't know what his issue was. So that's pretty much that. I'm unspeakably embarrassed I ever dated this loser...sad thing is if not for my parents insisting on talking with me about it I'd probably still be dating him. For who knows how long. Thinking this is just what it's like. Well it doesn't have to be, I'm very grateful they helped me see that he wasn't normal. Thanks for all of the same comments on my first post. Seeing that consensus also made me realize I needed to leave. TL;DR: I'm done with him. There was a lot wrong with him that I had been in the habit of trying to do damage control for. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

My cat usually waits by the door and meowing for treats when I get back from work. But last week something went off, he didn’t come to greet me, just lying in one spot and barely move. At first I thought maybe he was just tired, but he just stayed there for half an hour and that's just so not right, so I took him to the vet. Initially we suspected a hairball issue. My vet gave him probiotics and told me to monitor his condition. After we got home and I gave him the probiotics but he threw all up. That’s when I knew this wasn’t something minor. The next day I took him back for a full checkup. Imaging showed there was something stuck in his intestines and the condition is not good since he refused to eat or drink. Once his bloodwork confirmed he was stable enough, the vet scheduled surgery the same day. After the surgery, they found that he had swallowed part of a teaser wand toy. Inside that piece there was a wire!!!! The wire had nearly gone through his intestinal wall, and another section of his intestine was badly swollen and close to becoming necrotic. My vet removed the object and stitch the damaged area, but they warned me that the following days would be critical. He stayed hospitalized for about a week on antibiotics, pain management, and a strict liquid diet. And today he's back home. For the next couple of weeks, he’ll be on prescription food and anti-inflammatory meds, and then we’ll go back for a follow-up check. The total cost came out to around $1225 usd. This does not include prescription gastrointestinal cat food, wet food, anti-inflammatory medication, and recovery meals. I’m sharing this mostly as a warning. I never imagined a common cat teaser toy could turn into something this dangerous. Please store toys carefully, supervise play when possible, and avoid toys that contain wire or hard internal cores. Just because something is sold for cats doesn’t mean it’s safe. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Update: Thank you all for the replies and being so caring! There are two things many people have been asking about, so I wanted to add a quick update. About the cost: I live in Shenzhen, so the total cost was much lower than it would be in the U.S. or other developed countries, but even here this was still expensive. I didn’t have pet insurance before this happened. I’ve since learned that insurance can cover around 60–70% in cases like this, so I’ve now insured both of my cats. About contacting the maker: I messaged the maker last night, and she was very cooperative throughout. She apologized, offered compensation, and said she will update the product page asap to warn other cat parents. While it’s true that the listing didn’t mention the internal wire, I recognize that I didn’t do my part as an owner by storing the toy somewhere my cat couldn’t reach. so I don’t plan to pursue further responsibility from her and am treating this as a hard lesson learned. I’ll be much more cautious with anything related to my cats in the future. Thank you all for the kind words about him. His name is Xuegao (which is ice cream in Chinese, his markings look a lot like a type of milk ice cream from here). I’ll keep sharing updates and photos as he continues to recover. Hope this helps others be extra careful with cat toys as well! submitted by /u/xxxxfactor to r/cats [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Reasonable_Vast2576 Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole Previous BoRUs: #1 [New Update]: AITA for asking my husband to limit his time with his nephews because our daughters are missing out? NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU. Thanks to u/insafian for letting me know about the latest update! Trigger Warnings: mentions of favoritism RECAP Original Post: November 10, 2025 Hi, I had an issue yesterday with my husband which Im conflicted about, regarding whether I was in the wrong. My husband and I have two daughters, 6 and 8. My SIL and her family live a couple of blocks away from us. They have two boys, both 9 years old. Her husband is in the army so he is away from home a lot. When he's away, the boys come to our house often. Theyre great boys, respectful and energetic. When they're here my husband takes them to the park to play soccer. They always say they have a great time and my SIL also thanks us for it. When they're not around, my husband takes our daughters to the park too, I often join them too, and they also look forward to it. However, when my husband takes the boys along, even though we encourage our girls to go along they told me they don't enjoy it, basically the boys get super competitive and it's not fun the way it is when its just them with my husband. I take them along by myself but apparently its not as much fun hahaa. My husband can also only do some days of the week and when their father's away the boys come on those days. Yesterday, I asked my husband to talk to his sister and set some kind of limit to those days because our daughters like going to the park with him for soccer and its not the same with me or when they go with him and the boys. He looked taken aback and said that they're good kids, theirs dad's away for long stretches and they seem to have fun here. I said I never said they werent good kids, just that our daughters felt like they were missing out. He said he'll encourage them more to come with them and he'll make sure things dont get too competitive, I said we've gone through that before and its just not fun for them. He said telling his nephews this would be cruel , and made it sound like I was an AH for suggesting it. So I wanted to ask AITA? Verdict: Not the Asshole Relevant Comments Commenter 1: There has to be a happy medium to be found. Can you play with the boys at the park some days while your husband spends more time with the girls? Can your husband plan other activities that aren’t soccer for everyone to do together? I agree he needs to prioritize the girls but don’t think any group has to suffer to do so OOP: I'll try suggesting this thank you. I've tried with the girls but they're not nearly as enthusiastic about it with me than with their dad, he makes it a lot more fun for them. The boys might be easier to keep happy lol Commenter 2: INFO: Do you and SIL take your daughters to do fun activities like mini spa days or take them out for ice cream? If not then it might be something to consider. I get it, your daughters miss spending time with their dad when their cousins come over but how often can the boys say that about their dad? They need some male influence and it appears their uncle is all they have. I’ll say NAH. OOP: Yes, I do take them out. Not really with my sister in law I guess but we all do go together out to eat sometimes. Commenter 3: NTA BUT, I understand why your husband feels bad about telling his nephews he wont spend as much time with them. I am very close with mine and it would break my heart to disappoint them. I think the solution might be in finding another activity to do with all the kids. Let say the boy are there twice a week, maybe they go play soccer once and the other day they do an activity that the girls and boys enjoy. Or a day he goes with the boys and the next one you do something with the boys and he goes with the girls. Unless you are not close with them or doesnt really have bond? I think splitting up the time between both parents so you both spend time with your nephews and your daugther might be a good solution. OOP: Someone else suggested the same and I liked that approach. I (along with my SIL together maybe) could do these park sessions with the boys on days my husband is busy so that the girls get their 1-1 soccer time with their dad. Commenter 4: Question: what does the split in time look like? And how much quality and separate time does your husband get with the boys vs his quality and separate time with his daughters? Let’s say your husband takes the daughters 2 days a week. And then he takes the nephews 2 days a week and then he has the nephews and the daughters 2 days a week and the last day is all of you. In a case like this, it would feel like the nephews are prioritized more if they do take over play time with husband when the daughters are there. It’s not clear how skewed the dynamic is. Edit to add: would it help if you watched from afar to see the dynamics first hand to understand how husband is when it’s just him and the four kids. What exactly does competitive mean? And does it change how the husband interacts with rhe kids. OOP: So Tuesdays Sundays and sometimes Fridays is when he takes them for soccer. And I'm reading the comments and some seem to suggest I'm jealous, it's not that, its just I've seen how much my daughters look forward to those days when the boys don't come around (when their father's here), they get all dressed in their kit and come back super happy. When their father's away, the boys come on these days, (sometimes not Tuesdays). And the girls used to accompany them all, but they've just complained now its not fun for them, and only really look forward when its just their dad and them. Ive seen them all play, when hes playing with our daughters their play is unstructured and just them running around. With the boys Ive seen him try to keep it like that but it just becomes a bit competitive and my daugthers start doing their own thing midway through. Commenter 5: NTA, if it's so bad that even his daughters see it, then he is seriously neglecting his kids. He either needs to find something different that all the kids will enjoy together or discipline the boys for being too competitive and make sure his own children feel involved. I'm guessing there's an element of sexism in here too, in that he was probably hoping for a son to do all the sporty things with and ended up with two girls. Which is ridiculous because my daughter has way more in common with her dad than our son does. OOP: My daughters do like doing sporty things! They really look forward to going to the park with him when its just them, and I really have tried to do the same things he does with them at the park but I honestly dont know where I'm going wrong. And my husband also put up a basketball hoop in our backyard and the girls are really into shooting hoops with him too. And they haven't told him about their issue with playing with the boys directly, my oldest just said she doesn't want to and my husband just kind of said thats ok. But when him and the boys had left I asked her and her sister, and they said they don't like playing with the boys they steal the ball, play too fast etc. Commenter 6: not to jump to conclusions whatsoever but is there any chance your husband potentially wanted sons instead of daughters? nonetheless NTA, he needs to lock in and spend some undivided damn time with his daughters. OOP: All we cared about when we were having them was that they be healthy. My husband loves my daughters and dotes on them, I know I made the post and maybe didnt provide enough background, but both my daughters are daddy's girls, and honestly its part of the reason I felt the need to ask him because they're not getting the time with him that I know they enjoy.   Editor's note: OOP updated in the same post Update #1: November 11, 2025 (same post, next day) Update: Since today was a holiday he was going to let his sister know that he'd be taking the kids to the park earlier today so the boys should come earlier. I asked my older daughter separately whether she wanted to go. She said no, even though she'd been hyped for it in the morning. I told my husband this. While she was cuddling with him he asked her why she didn't want to come, but she was avoiding giving a reason. Eventually my husband asked if it was because she didn't like playing soccer anymore, she said no she did. Then he brought up whether it was because of the cousins and she shyly admitted that yes but didn't give the details that she'd given me about the competitive nature and everything. My husband hadn't texted his sister yet, so he told the girls, the boys can't join right now and if they still wanted to go to the park, we could all go. Both my daughters suddenly really wanted to go and went to get dressed. So we're at the park now and the girls are having fun with him. I think he's going to take the boys later in the evening, I'm not sure. But my daughter telling him seems to have made more of an impact than me saying did.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Editor's note: OOP made another update in the same original post Update #2: November 19, 2025 (same post, eight days later) Update: A few people had asked me if we've made any progress. So last Tuesday after we'd gone to the park in the afternoon with the girls because of the holiday, he'd planned on taking the boys separately (I'd told him he'd be too tired), but then he couldn't because he was beat so he'd told his sister something had come up. His Fridays are a hit-or-miss on when he gets back, it kind of depends, he usually knows about how it'll be beforehand though. So my oldest daughter had asked him about his Friday plan on Thursday night, he'd said he'd be back early, they'll be good to go to the park. He then talked to her about if it'll be a good idea to have her cousins come too, that it would be fun like they all used to have, and the girls said ok. When they came back my husband thought he'd done a good job moderating things, the girls also said it had been ok. They weren't as enthusiastic as they are when they come with him alone, so over the weekend I'd just asked my oldest if their play time at the park had gone better because daddy had been trying to make it fun for everyone. She said it was but that he isn't as into the game with them as it otherwise is, basically the gist of it that I was getting was that he takes more of a referee role and its just different to what they're used to, and I've gone along when its just us so I kind of understand what she's talking about, it's supposed to be them playing soccer with him, but its not really, it's very unstructured, they'll start playing whatever the girls feel like midway through, its just more spontaneous I guess. I had planned on bringing it up with him on Sunday before they all left for the park. My daughter seemed like she was shy about saying all this so I thought I would. But she actually brought this up with him herself! On Saturday night when we were watching tv she asked him if we couldn't invite the cousins tomorrow. My husband said ok but asked her why she didnt want the cousins there, he later told me he was just concerned about this issue she had with them and wanted to know it wasnt anything serious. She just said they don't have as much fun, so he dropped it at that. I'd had this idea from a few comments on my original post so I told him I'll tell his sister to still send the boys earlier, I'll go with them and he agreed. So I took them out earlier, and tried to keep up with them lol, but I thought it went well, I took them for ice cream after too, the boys got a good outing, my sister in law got some rest too. Yesterday we were going to do the same thing, but my sister in law told us the boys said they'll just wait for when my husband is free, she asked him when he'd be free, whether his free days had changed, he said there'd just been some changes to his schedule. I was of the opinion he should tell her honestly whats the issue, but he seems to think making our daughters the focus of the conversation would be wrong. I disagree but she's his sister. So he went yesterday with the girls by himself, they've been super happy, but he said he'll come up with something for the boys too. Its a bit disappointing because I thought the solution I had tried went well but apparently not. So it's still work in progress.   Latest Update here: BoRU #3   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/WarToad What is the nicest thing you've ever done that no one knows about? Originally posted to r/AskReddit TRIGGER WARNING: Teen pregnancy, struggles with poverty MOOD SPOILER: heartwarming What is the nicest thing you've ever done that no one knows about? Dec 22, 2009 I was day tripping to Vancouver from Seattle and stopped in for lunch at a little cafe. From my window I saw a young teenage girl out in the cold, squatted down in a closed up businesses doorway, holding a small bundle in her arms. She was panhandling, people were mostly walking by ignoring her. She looked just broken. I finished up my meal and went outside, went through my wallet and thought I'd give her $5 for some food. I got up to her and she was sobbing, she looked like she was 14-15. And that bundle in her arms was a baby wrapped up. I felt like I just got punched in the chest. She looked up putting on a game face and asked for any change, I asked her if she's like some lunch. Right next door was a small quick-Trip type grocery store, I got a can of formula for the baby (very young, maybe 2-3 months old.), and took her back to the cafe though I'd just eaten. She was very thankful, got a burger and just inhaled it. Got her some pie and ice cream. She opened up and we talked. She was 15, got pregnant, parents were angry and she was fighting with them. She ran away. She's been gone almost 1 full year. I asked her if she's like to go home and she got silent. I coaxed her, she said her parents wouldn't want her back. I coaxed further, she admitted she stole 5k in cash from her Dad. Turns out 5k doesn't last long at all and the streets are tough on a 15 year old. Very tough. She did want to go back, but she was afraid no one wanted her back after what she did. We talked more, I wanted her to use my phone to call home but she wouldn't. I told her I'd call and see if her folks wanted to talk to her, she hesitated and gave bad excuses but eventually agreed. She dialed the number and I took the phone, her Mom picked up and I said hello. Awkwardly introduced myself and said her daughter would like to speak to her, silence, and I heard crying. Gave the phone to the girl and she was just quiet listening to her Mom cry, and then said hello. And she cried. They talked, she gave the phone back to me, I talked to her Mom some more. I drove her down to the bus station and bought her a bus ticket home. Gave her $100 cash for incidentals, and some formula, diapers, wipes, snacks for the road. Got to the bus, and she just cried saying thank you over and over. I gave her a kiss on the forehead and a hug, kissed her baby, and she got on the bus. I get a chistmas card every year from her. She's 21 now and in college. Her name is Makayla and her baby was Joe. I've never really told anyone about this. I just feel good knowing I did something good in this world. Maybe it'll make up for the things I've f-ed up. Update - What's your proudest or most-upvoted comment? Feb 12, 2010 (nearly 2 months later) I had no idea this would take off like wildfire. It was years ago, I'd never really talked about it, and it was just kind of special to me. I really hadn't thought about it much since then and was remembering more than anything. I jotted it down in a thread and got slammed with envelopes. Hundreds and hundreds of messages and private messages. One afternoon I finally did something right. An after-the-fact follow-up... I got Makayla's Christmas card this year and gave her a call. She's doing great in school, another couple years left since she started late and works part time too.(Bank Teller) Joe is a lean mean advanced reading machine. Reading books 3-4 years above his age.(7 now.) And he draws Wolverine comics. "He's Canadian, you know that?" Favorite. Hero. Ever. He wants to grow up to "be a comic book maker and pizzas." Keep the dream, Joe. Keep the dream! Her Mom and Dad would like to ccome visit me and my little girl.(I've never met them, but her Dad sends me bottles of homemade whiskey... which actually is surprisingly good.) Which has lead to in interesting quandry. Anonomously I told Reddit. I've never told anyone in the real world. I didn't tell anyone when I came home. I just sat on it. Then a day or two went by. How do you bring it up now? 'Oh, by the way, last weekend... " Then a week, a month. By then I was just comfortable with is as a private memory. Now here I am with a new wife and family... whom I've never told. It's just something I hold as my own. And now Makayla's parents want to visit. How do I just throw out.. 'Hey, Sweetie. I know this is something I should have told you years ago, but..." I dunno. Life moves in mysterious ways. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I want to clarify first I am in no way a health expert nor am I going to tell people how much protein they should be consuming; this opinion is just based on what I've been witnessing both in real life and online. Also. I'm not demonizing/antagonizing protein. I know it's important. Let me explain: There's an uprising trend in people fixating specifically on protein consumption. It's the first thing anyone will bring up when they rave about their recipe. "This BBQ chicken pizza has 46 grams of protein!" "This stack of pancakes has 26 grams of protein!" and my personal favourite: "This ice cream (that usually needs a Ninja Creami) has 40 grams of protein per serving!" Is it wrong to promote & share recipes? Of course not. It's great to have a variety of options for how to meet your daily protein intake. So, what's the issue? It's starting to get excessive & to an extent, exhausting. Too much of anything is harmful, including protein. I don't think it's necessary to ensure that every single thing you consume has protein in it. It is not the only thing our bodies need to function; that's just a given. We're seeing so many "protein" products hitting the shelves; protein cereals, protein pasta, protein chips, even protein frozen waffles (which have only 5g per waffle.) And for 10 bucks for a pack of 8? That's highway robbery. Brands know that they can get away with marking up the price for a "protein" equivalent to a regular product with a pathetic amount of actual protein in it. I want to reiterate: I don't want this post to come across as though I think protein isn't important for our bodies, but that the heavy push on it through social media and grocery stores is becoming an unhealthy trend. EDIT: I want to try to use an example to put my thoughts into perspective: If you're Canadian, chances are you have a Tim Horton's near you that just added protein lattes to their menu. They have 17 grams of protein for a medium drink. This isn't something people actually need. Sure it may be convenient if you were in a morning rush and didn't have breakfast on the offchance, but it's not a practical nor economical approach to meeting your protein goals in a day. These drinks are usually around 4$ each. And if you're consuming that every day to reach your recommended protein intake, that adds up. You shouldn't need to worry about making sure everything you consume down to the coffee you drink has protein. There are SO MANY options that are just more cost-efficient and just as convenient. I do try to have as much protein as my body needs; I wanna grow muscle too. But I'm not going to do that by spending excess money on foods with a few spoons of whey added to the preparation process, or spending extra time on making recipes specifically catered to contain as much protein as possible when there's already a plethora of protein-dense foods to help me meet those goals. EDIT 2: Protein itself is good and I've explained several times that the entire point of this post isn't about saying it's a bad thing. submitted by /u/CheckingMyNails to r/unpopularopinion [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/IndependentDrive544 Originally posted to r/Marriage My wife’s traumatic childhood is killing my marriage Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability Trigger Warnings: abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation, sexual assault, mental health struggles, accusations of infidelity, physical assault, domestic violence, body shaming, controlling behavior, obsessive behavior, gaslighting, mentions attempted murder Mood Spoilers: dark and depressing Original Post: February 6, 2025 This is a long but want to share my story and hear your thoughts. I’ve (46M) been married to my wife (45F) for 20+ years. We have three teenage kids. Until recently, I would have said we had a wonderful marriage. But as I look back, I think out of pure love and obsession, I’ve been looking at things with rose colored glasses. We met in college. Her best friend went to the same college as me and that’s how we met. She had a tough upbringing. Her mom was very young was she born and her parents were never married. She didn’t meet her biological dad until she was in her 30s, which is story for another day. Her mom isn’t really a good person and they are no contact with one another. Until my wife was a teenager, she shared a bed room with her mother in her grandparents house; they were more like sisters. When she a teenager, her mom got married to another awful person. She had an affair with a married guy. Eventually he got divorced and married my MIL. He had two kids, who were slightly older than my wife. Imagine what that was like: merge two families with teenage kids, their dad cheated on their mother and then shack them all up in one house. I can’t imagine. There are countless stories of the horrors my wife went through as a child. Her mom told her she should have aborted her, tried to push her out of a moving car, there were smacks and slaps. My wife was never complimented growing up. I have never heard my MIL compliment my wife. My wife was always smart, did well in school, didn’t get in trouble, helped around the house, cooked for her family, she was and is very pretty. Her mother only criticized her and it was constant. As if that wasn’t bad enough, she was sexually assaulted in college by some friend of her stepbrother. To say that this has taken a mental toll is the understatement of the century. I have loved her with every sense of my being, have supported her, supported her in her therapy. I am by no means a perfect husband, but I have tried my best to be supportive and loving. Anyway, fast forward to today. I’ve been married for over 20 years. My wife obviously has a lot of issues stemming from the above. I love her more than anything in the world, but it hasn’t been easy. I’ve born the brunt of some pretty outlandish treatment and I’m wondering if I have been blinded by love and if this is not a safe and healthy environment for me. I don’t know if I could ever leave, don’t know if I could do that to her or do that to my kids. But I’m starting to feel like I am only here to serve the purpose of providing support: financial, emotional, physical, parenting…. Here are some of the things that have happened. About 5 years ago, we had gone to a beach location for a long weekend with a lifelong friend of mine and his family. It was an all around great time. One night, while we were leaving an amusement park, we were walking with the kids for ice cream. We walked past a bar and a baseball game was ending. My friend and I say to the wives that we want to grab a drink and watch the end of the game, while they get ice cream next door. Everyone seemed fine with it. This is something I never do. My friend and I were gone 20-30 mins. When we got home, my wife lost it. Couldn’t believe I abandoned the family (for a half hour tops while they ate ice cream). This was the first time she hit me. She punched me four times and threw a chair at me. I was shocked. This pattern escalated over the next few months. She slammed the shower door on me, breaking it and effectively trapping me, naked, in the shower. If she hadn’t brought me a screw driver to remove the shower door, I’d still be in there. Right before the holidays in 2019, 4 months after this hitting started, my wife had a disagreement with my daughter. My wife made a mistake and said something she shouldn’t have. It should have been easily fixable with a quick apology, but my wife turned it into WW3 with my daughter (which I thought was unnecessary but my wife and I put up a unified front with our kids and address things later). After my daughter went to her room punished, my wife and I went into our room. I tried to calm my wife down, but apparently she wanted me to match her level of outrage and my wife unleashed the fury on me. She punched me countless time. I ended up with a bloody nose and cut beneath my eye. I am over six feet tall and a pretty fit guy. My wife is almost a foot shorter than me and maybe 80 lbs lighter than me. I sat there and let her punch me countless times. I remember being frozen and also being afraid. I didn’t even want to grab her hands out of fear I would be blamed for the fight and arrested. She was unhinged, screaming as she pummeled me. It was awful. It was really fun to coach my daughter’s basketball game with a badly bruised and cut up face the next day. After this, I freaked out. I realized the situation had gotten way out of hand. My wife apologized profusely. I said I couldn’t go on like this. Our kids heard the commotion, and we later had to talk to them about it. I told my wife this wasn’t safe for me. She had a near break down out of fear I would leave her. She discussed with her therapist. We went to couple’s therapy for the first time. It was a mess. I’ve come to realize that therapists (or at least the ones we have seen), focus on the patient with the most needs. Given my wife’s past, she has the most mental health issues and so that is where the focus was. It was really hard to be put on the back burner. COVID came and the couple’s therapy stopped. We tried again last year and that was worse for the same reasons. What else has this marriage been like? Well, we’ve always been very sexually active. My wife is very beautiful. She gets attention anywhere she goes, although she usually seems oblivious to it. I sometimes feel infatuated with her. But she grew up with a mother that hated her and constantly took her down. I have always complimented her. Her beauty, her intellect, how wonderful of a mother she is, how incredible of a cook she is, how incredible of a hostess she is for holidays. She’s amazing in so many ways. I think I’m good looking but nothing special. I’m in good shape, but I’m going bald and I’ve aged. Most people would say this guy is punching above his weight. I was good with this for a long time, but I think as I started to feel somewhat insecure as I aged. I’m not particularly vain or anything but I looked for reassurance from her about my physical appearance. For the first time in my life, I felt insecure. I almost felt embarrassed. She didn’t come through for me, quite the opposite. She had never really complimented me about my appearance our whole relationship; maybe she’s just brutally honest idk. One night after we were intimate, she told me how small I was. This was a completely unsolicited comment after 15+ years together. I think I’m average down there. I have measured myself and I’m just under 6 inches. I always thought she was pleased so hearing a complaint in that department was quite a blow. She later admitted she said it to hurt me out of some sort of anger. She wasn’t even sure what she was mad about. She’s tried to walk that back, but it’s been tough. Not long after that, I asked her what was physically attractive about me. I was just looking to feel better about myself. She told me there was nothing. Those were her words. And she was kind of shocked that I was taken aback by that and hurt by it. Hey, I asked, so I guess I deserve it. She’s tried to walk that back a lot over the years as well. Around that time, we went to dinner and I sort of said, hey I’m over 40, and for the first time ever, I’m feeling anxiety and stress over work, the kids, and life, etc. I asked if she could try to be more supportive and caring. She said no, that she was a good wife already and was providing support already. She couldn’t do anymore. We actually talked through a lot of it. I expressed how it made me feel, she apologized for what she said. She’s actually way more giving of compliments than she has ever been. She has improved there. But it feels forced. Only being said cause I asked her too. Doesn’t always feel sincere. I have discussed it at length in therapy and I’m basically good with my appearance and what I can/cannot control, but I still think it was unnecessarily mean of her. My wife has a massive fear of abandonment and has massive trust issues. She regularly accuses me of cheating. I have been nothing but faithful. I have to travel some for work, on average about 3 days a month, some months more and months less. She regularly wakes me up in the middle of the night to facetime to see if anyone is in my room. There has obviously never been. One night last year, I had to travel to give an important big presentation. Had to give it first thing in the AM. I prepared for weeks and it was stressful. I am presenting the work of my team so pressure is on me to show the good work everyone has done. My wife and I spoke around 10:00, talked for about a half hour and I went to bed. At 2:00 AM, I woke up to banging on the hotel door. She had somehow convinced the hotel manager (huge national hotel chain, so I’m not sure how this is compliant with their policies) to check on me because of an emergency. I realized I had maybe 10 missed calls and maybe 30 text messages from her. I had been asleep. So we facetime, we confirm there is no one there in the room with me. She wasn’t sorry or anything. She was mad that it took her so long to get ahold of me. I was now wide awake and had to give this presentation. Then had to work a full day, attend a work dinner, on basically 3 hours of sleep. My wife has always been insanely jealous of other women. My first boss after college was like four years older than me. Her husband worked at the same company. My wife hated her, I guess cause I would talk about her. She was the person I worked closest with. I basically gave up any female friendships that I had, not that I was particularly close with any other women. One thing that was a particular issue for her was bachelor parties when all my friends were getting married. She hated the idea of me going to a strip club. Ok fine, I don’t particularly enjoy strip clubs. Nothing against the workers there, but I just see it as they just want my money and I don’t need to pay to see a really attractive woman. So anyway, neither of us had strippers or anything like that at our bachelor/bachelorette parties. I had a great time at mine. We played golf, went to an awesome dinner and then gambled afterwards. Anyway, some friends of mine did go to strip clubs for their bachelor parties. I always told my wife. And she wanted me to attend. I offered to skip or to skip that part, but I don’t think she wanted to be seen by my friends or the other wives as controlling or a stick in the mud. I really don’t know. But she wanted me to stay in contact the entire time. It was a little over the top but I did it. I would literally text her nearly the entire time I was there. Describing the situation, just talking about the night. Not sure why I even went to that part of the bachelor party. This happened 3 or 4 times. When I got home, I got the third degree. She examined me, smelled me. Examined my body for evidence, examined my underwear. It was crazy. Before the last one, I said I don’t want to do this. I don’t even want to go. But she didn’t want that, she wanted to go and stay in touch. She promised to back off some, but she didn’t really. At one point, a bouncer came over and told me to put the phone away when I was texting. So I did. I guess he was worried I was taking pictures. No, I wasn’t taking pictures, I was “staying in touch.” Typing this out makes me realize how ridiculous it was. All of this would have been no big deal. These bachelor parties all happened over 10 years ago. Recently, she was talking about her BF’s bachelorette party which was years ago. My wife was the maid of honor. She had always insisted that she never went to a strip club ever. Well recently, my wife said something about the men pulling her friend up on stage and embarrassing her. I was like “where was this?” Even in that moment, I wouldn’t have cared that they went to a strip club. I trust her. Or until all this I fully trusted her. She insisted this was at a “typical bachelorette party restaurant” that wasn’t a strip club. I don’t know what that is. Does anyone know? I said that it felt like she wasn’t being honest. She was offended. I said that I thought that the real issue was that she thought I might have put her through the same thing she put me through. I said I didn’t like it, but it was so long ago, I don’t really care. But she doubled and tripled down. So she goes to the other room and texts her BF and comes back and hands me the phone to show me the texts. She asks the friend “did we go to a strip club for your bachelorette party?” which seems like an odd question to ask someone out of the blue, and the responses seemed odd. So I asked my wife “is this the full text exchange? It feels like something is missing.” So I look in her deleted texts, and sure enough there are deleted texts. I restore it and the response from the friend is “oh that is a definite yes!!!” So I look at my wife shocked. I don’t even know why she went down this path. She says her friend is wrong. Now I’m annoyed and I’m asking what happened that you would lie about this? What did you do? Horror stories about bachelorette parties are running through my mind. We have an argument over this where I am gaslit to hell. Doesn’t remember, her friend is wrong, that’s why she deleted the text, she didn’t cheat or do anything wrong. All the comments about her level of attraction to me come back to my mind. No real resolution, but she promises me that she will figure out exactly happened. Fast forward about a month to a holiday party we went to. We see her BF for the first time in a few months. Of course, they talk a lot amongst themselves which is obviously fine. We leave and twenty minutes later, we are in the car driving home and she gets a text. It’s from her BF. It includes a screen shot from one of their other friends and the BF texts says “[wife] and I just cannot remember what we did for my bachelorette party. Do you remember?” And the response is this whole description of a comedy show that they went to. The entire thing is so contrived, it’s almost comical. There is no way this is true and it is so clear that they discussed this at the party we were just at, and they came up with this plan. I feel so manipulated. My wife is in the passenger seat, and she is almost giddy reading the texts and saying how they have now solved the mystery. I have no idea what happened at that bachelorette party. But the whole story and the lying was so unnecessary. She’s still holding firm to her story, whatever it is. I wouldn’t have even cared if they went to a strip club cause I trusted my wife. But this story has made me lose trust. And now all the abuse over the years is coming back to me and making me see things differently. Have I ever been loved? Is my wife capable of love? Did she cheat on me? Am I the world’s biggest fool? I love her and the family we have created. Obviously there are so many positives to our relationship that I didn’t list. But can all the positives in the world make up for all this? EDIT: First, all comments and the DMs have been so caring and kind. Even the ones trying to smack some sense into me. There is a lot of love out there from kind strangers. Thank you. Based on an exchange in my DMs, I’m sharing that the physical abuse did stop five years ago. She worked with her former therapist who specialized in CBT and she is more in control of herself. I’m not sure she fully acknowledges the pain this has caused me (and the kids). And all this other nonsense has continued. I’m not sure this changes anything for me though.   Update: August 20, 2025 (6.5 months later) Wife’s disclosure I posted several months ago about my 20+ year marriage, and how much nonsense I have put up with. People mostly gave harsh but good advice to me. I wanted to give an update and come back for more advice. This is long so feel free to skip of the ramblings of a middle aged dad of three aren’t of interest to you. So back in February I insisted on a two month separation. We told the kids I was traveling for work, and when I was home, that my wife was traveling to meet friends. My wife hated every second of the separation. I had some conditions for returning. We tried marriage counseling again—third counselor. This one was better, I guess. But my requirement was that my wife take the lead: find the therapist, give all the backstory on the abuse, the insults, etc. She did all that. I further insisted that she tell the complete truth on anything inappropriate that has ever happened with another guy, including at her friend’s bachelorette party. This took a while. At first, she held to the same story. Then she started saying things like she was working on it with her therapist. Working on how to tell me. She somehow didn’t understand that a statement like that was awful for me to bear. Obviously my wind went to all the worst places. I ended the separation in April with the idea she was making progress. We discussed her physical abuse of me a lot in therapy. The abuse really peaked in late 2016-2018. She told me at that time that she became very resentful of me. I had gotten a promotion and she overall felt everyone thought I was awesome and she was jealous. At the same time, she got into excellent shape. She’s always been very attractive but at that time my youngest was like 6-8 years old and she still had some baby weight. She shredded that baby weight and looked incredible. I guess I had gained some weight around that time and she thought she didn’t get enough attention or credit relative to me. I don’t know. She says these things very matter of factly. She did a lot of CBT work and specific work for abusive partners. She owned it with the kids and we had several good conversations. I thought we were turning a corner. I had been frustrated by the lack of disclosure on her friend’s bachelorette party. So in June, I said I was leaving again. She actually handled this much more calmly and maturely. We still saw each other and even did date nights. We were even intimate. Not sure what the separation was. So she said she would focus on what happened and was getting ready to share anything and everything with me. A couple of weeks ago, she asked me to join a session with her therapist. She wanted to do a “therapeutic disclosure.” I wanted to throw up. I go to the therapists office and she proceeds to tell me how at her friend’s actual bachelorette, they went to some show, no strippers, just drinking and silliness. Then she says that her friend’s work friends threw her a bachelorette at a hotel. And there were strippers there. In my wife’s words it was wild. Now, context for this is in my prior post. I really don’t care if she saw strippers. I care more about the double standard she applied and the lying, as she treated me like crap whenever friends of mine went to strip clubs for their bachelor parties. She said that she never touched any stripper even though multiple approached her many times—at first in g-strings and eventually fully naked. Lovely. But that’s all that happened. Who knows if it’s true? I don’t care any more for reasons I’m about to get into. This is all in front of this therapist. So then she says that I asked if there was anything with any guy that she hasn’t told me. If this wasn’t long enough, brace yourselves. She had this other friend who was in the middle of a divorce in 2016. Friend was a fitness instructor at a gym. Friend met a retired professional athlete at the gym. I remember the friend being obsessed with this guy, all while technically still married. Well, my wife and this friend would go out and meet up with retired athlete and his entourage. My wife would effectively play wingman for her friend. And one of the entourage took an interest in my wife. My wife claims nothing ever happened other than flirting but that when they were out, this guy always had his arm around my wife, constantly groped her her ass, often tried to kiss her, sent dick pics, bought her a thong bikini for her to send pics back to him. My wife said she never wanted it, but never fought it, liked the attention and mostly wanted to support her friend. Friend eventually had a falling out with the retired athlete who moved away. So that whole thing sucks. So I’m completely stunned. Wife is crying. Therapist is spewing some nonsense about my wife’s bravery. That I requested disclosure of anything that might have been remotely inappropriate, and she has come through for me. I leave. Wife follows. Phone starts blowing up. It’s my wife’s best friend who calls 10 times. She then starts texting me. Swearing to me that what my wife is saying is true. There were strippers at bach party number 2 but wife did nothing. Texts start pouring in from her other friends confirming this story. And then I get a text from her friend who paired up with the athlete. And she confirms that story. Wife was only doing her a solid, taking one for the team. So great. Let’s get a few more people involved in my life, my humiliation, the crumbling of my marriage. She could talk to all these other people about all this but not me. She needed a therapist there to talk to me about it. It just feels like one big manipulation. So anyway, I feel completely done. I still love my wife cause I guess I’m just a simp. We are separated. I have spoken to a lawyer. My kids know and are furious with me cause I am the one leaving. Be kind to your partners people. Love them and respect them. I adored my partner and still do, but it wasn’t enough.   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not the OP. That is u/TraditionImpressive2. This is the new update to three previous BORU posts, which can be found here, here and here. Trigger warning: attempt to baby trap, mentions of abuse Mood spoiler: happy ending for OP and her new family Original post posted in r/AmItheAsshole on August 17, 2020 AITA for refusing to sell the place I bought with "stripper money"? For several years I was a stripper. I have no shame about what I did, and only quit when I got a better job offer. In the time I worked as a stripper, I intentionally lived as cheaply as possible (shitty little studio flat, living off ramen, wearing old clothes) because my coworkers all told me that they were able to buy their own places on their income, so long as they saved like crazy. Before I "retired", I managed to outright buy myself a 3 bedroom flat. I rented out the other rooms for a while but I got sick of having roommates, so now I have them up online for shorter stays, but not to rent. I met this guy about 18 months ago, and we've been together since. He knows about my employment history, and he said that he has no issue with it, though he did ask me to tell his family the white lie I occasionally use (on my CV and stuff), which is that I was a waitress (which I kind of was tbf). A month ago we found out that I'm 2 months pregnant. He says this is great news, and we should move in together. I assumed he'd be moving into my place because he rents his (far smaller 1 bedroom) flat while I own mine, and I have room for a baby's room while he doesn't. Also, I really don't want to leave my flat. It's my flat, I love it, I could see myself living here for the rest of my life, and I don't want to lose the security of owning a flat and have to go back to paying rent or a mortgage each month. However, he then said that he didn't want to move into my place, and said I should sell it and we buy a place together. I said that I like my place, it means a lot to me that I was able to buy it, and it represents years of working my arse off scrimping and saving. He then said that he understands all of that, but we should be living together by the time the baby comes and he didn't want to live in my flat. I asked him why not - it's a great flat, it's central to everything, it's spacious, it's got room for all his stuff, there's a daycare in the building (run/owned by another tenant) and a school 5 minute walk away, the list goes on - and he said that he didn't want to live in a flat that was bought with "stripper money". That really pissed me off, and I told him no fucking way am I selling my flat and that he never had an issue with my "stripper money" paying for this flat before now. I said I wasn't giving up the security of owning a home for someone who tries to make me feel ashamed about something I don't feel ashamed of. He said that his point is if I sold the flat then we could get a new place with the money from the sale. I said "wouldn't that still be stripper money?" and he said "that's different", and I asked how. He then said he was going back to his place because "I can't talk to you when you're in this state". He's gone back to his flat now and he's texted me saying I'm overreacting/irrational and I need to think of this realistically rather than emotionally. He says he wouldn't feel right raising a child in my flat knowing how I purchased it and selling/moving is the best idea of all of us, not to mention the fact he isn't on the deed because it's my place and it "would never feel like our place" because of this. I feel I might be the arse because I get why he might feel like it's just my place and I feel I'm being too rigid in a time we need to work together, plus I spoke to my sister and she sided with him so 2 out of 3 people think I'm in the wrong here. AITA? Relevant comments: Regarding the boyfriend’s financial situation: Let's say you did sell it, how much would he be contributing to buying a new place? Has he similarly been saving a bunch? Or would it be you selling your place to buy a new place all by yourself? He doesn't have much in savings. He has a startup company that he's trying to get off the ground, but he's only had about 4 clients hire him in nearly a year. He swears that eventually business will pick up but he left a far better paying, salaried job and now works in hospitality for minimum wage through an agency, because the old job wouldn't let him have a startup while working for them, and he's basically burned through the savings (and bridges) he did have to keep the company afloat. It sounds like option 1 would be us buying a new place while I rented out my flat, meaning that we would put down a deposit and then we'd pay off a large mortgage together. Option 2 would be selling the flat, in which case as it's a 3 bedroom flat, we'd probably have about 80% of the total cost of a 3 bedroom house, and then we'd get a far smaller mortgage that we'd still have to pay off. Why the sister agrees with her boyfriend: She's my big sister, and she loves me, but she never really approved of the stripper thing. This might be that manifesting. Does the boyfriend have an issue with OP's stripping past?: If he thinks your home is tainted by being bought with the proceeds of working in the sex/entertainment industry... then we already know what he thinks of you deep down You know what's super funny about this? And by funny I mean infuriating? Every celebration, he and his friends go to a strip club. Whether it's a bachelor party, birthday, graduation, promotion, whatever, he goes at least once every few months. And he has the nerve to have a go at me for being a stripper years ago! More on the pregnancy: It wasn't planned. We spent the first 6-ish months on and off and we fully broke up for about a month around 6 months ago, so we haven't even discussed moving in together. People suggest that the boyfriend might've tampered with the birth control: And... by any chance, is it possible that he manipulated your birth control / condoms? I'm not on BC for medical reasons but we always use protection. I never noticed anything weird like a leak or a tear. • He wouldn't do that. OP makes an update on the same post: Update on the off chance anyone sees this: I dumped him. There was a whole conversation and during the conversation he said he didn't want to be a parent if I wasn't willing to do everything he wanted, including sharing a house/deed (plus staying together). Also, at the start of the conversation I said what a few people suggested, which was that I'd be willing to sell and split the house with him, provided he paid 50%, and he got very very angry, very very quickly. He also said a few other things, so IDK how it's all going to pan out just yet, but it looks like I'm going to be a single mother. Update 1 posted in r/LegalAdviceUK on August 18, 2020 (1 day later) I have 2 audio recordings of my ex admitting to tampering with birth control. Is it any use? In England. I recently found out I was pregnant. I am not on the pill and don't have the implant, either, due to medical reasons, so our only protection was condoms. I am now 2 months pregnant with his child. I own my own flat and have a well paying job, while he owns a failing startup and does agency shifts. We talked yesterday. Someone suggested I recorded all interactions, as a few people had already guessed that he might have messed with our birth control, so I set my phone to record as he arrived. During the conversation, he initially said that if we weren't together as a couple, then he wouldn't want to be in this baby's life, and when I said we could work out split custody he said "that's bullshit". Later in the conversation he said "I thought a baby would fix things". I responded it couldn't have fixed anything, if anything it made things more strained with us as the baby wasn't planned and he snapped at me, "of course it fucking was. How'd you think you got pregnant? fucking magic?". He then paused and he said "I mean that... it wasn't like... stop making that face, I'm joking". I directly asked him "are you saying you messed up the condoms?" and he (quietly but audibly) says "yeah". I told him to get out of my flat and he said "look, have it, don't have it, I don't give a shit" before he left. I later texted him, saying "just tell me why." He then called me, so I started recording on my mp3. Over the phone he admitted that he was hoping I'd sell my flat, buy a new place with a mortgage, and "we could give the business a boost". I hung up on him. Hours before the initial conversation, I spoke to a solicitor who deals with custody stuff regularly, so he's said he'd help me with the custody stuff. However, he's married to my friend, and I love her but she's a bit of a gossip and can be a little condescending (as in "oh, poor you"), so I don't want either of them knowing about any of this if it's unusable. My ex was not aware that I was recording at any point in either recording, and there's no visuals, only audio on both recordings. We did say each other's names a few times on the first, but not at all on the second. Is this admissible in a custody battle? Is it useful due to the context? I feel like he's said all the things that would win my case if there was one, but if he can't do anything with it then I don't want him knowing about it. If it is useful and admissible, then do I just send it to the friend's husband? Thanks in advance. Relevant comment: Why does OP want to use the recording?: I'm worried he might push for 50/50 custody in order to avoid paying child support, or ask for majority custody so I have to pay him (which he could win as he has family while I only have my sister and I have an employment history that could make me look bad), or he'll otherwise try to pull something if we end up in a custody case. After hearing this, I want full custody, and I'm worried he'll push back in general. Update 2 posted in r/AmItheAsshole on September 6, 2020 (3 weeks later) UPDATE: AITA for refusing to sell the place I bought with "stripper money"? Quick recap on my first post. I spent several years working as a stripper, at the end of which I was able to buy my own flat. I'd been with my boyfriend for about 18 months, and I'm currently around 3 months pregnant. With the news of the baby incoming, my boyfriend said he wanted me to sell my place so we could use the money to get a new place together, and when I refused he called me irrational. I thought I was TA because of that, plus my sister sided with him. Now for the update, because a lot of people asked for one. First off, I dumped him. He initially said that he doesn't want to be a parent if we're not a couple, but earlier this week he told me he wants majority custody so not only does he not have to pay child support, but if he gets majority then I end up paying him (he actually said that was his reasoning). He also runs his own startup, and admitted the startup is basically done for, and he was hoping that when I sold my place I could also put a cash injection into his business with the money, so basically this was all about money for him (and I have extensive documentation of all of this). There's going to be a legal case, but I've gotten legal advice, and it looks like I'll be able to get sole custody, which is what I intend to go for. In the last couple weeks, my sister has doubled down and is trying to get me to fix things with my ex because "a baby should have a complete family", so I've not been involving her in my pregnancy, which she is furious about. She also told our parents, which I am furious about, so we're not speaking right now. I also want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my first post. When I first posted, between my boyfriend and my sister, I was genuinely convinced I was in the wrong, so to have such an overwhelmingly supportive response really helped me realise that I shouldn't doubt myself so much, and with that realisation, plus everything going on right now, I've decided to go to therapy, which I will be starting next week. All in all, the outcome of this is probably going to be me being a single mother in the flat I own. And honestly? Pretty decent outcome. Relevant comments: Regarding child support: According to the child support calculator, the minimum child support I would be paying if he had majority custody would be £50 a week. I think a packet of nappies is about 5 or 10 quid, and baby food is like a quid per jar. No way would he be able to live off child support, even if he had majority custody, and the fact he thinks he could shows that he really hasn't thought this through. More on the sister: She does have a "complete" family, or at least the start of one (husband, a kid, and trying for more kids). I think she's pushy about the whole idea of a "complete" family because our birth family was... not a great situation, so she seems to want all of our siblings (5 of us) to marry off, have some kids, and do right by them. It seems to be really bugging her that I'm willing to be a single mum and mess with the "complete" family she's pictured me having, but I am going to do right by my kid no matter what. Thank you :) • Honestly we didn't have the most stable home life growing up and she was really big on wanting a regular, nuclear family as soon as she could build one, so I think maybe our upbringing has translated into pushing/wanting this whole "complete" family as adults. • I thought that, too, and I wanted it to be true, but then she told our parents I was pregnant and until that point, I believed it could be from a place of love, but telling our parents about the baby is not coming from a good place, or at best it's coming from a good but naive place. They kicked me out when I was a teenager for no good reason, she's tried to get me to mend fences with them and I've refused, and of our whole extended family I'm only in touch with one sister (her) and one brother. Update 3 posted in r/BabyBumps on September 13, 2020 (1 week later) It's twins! I have no due date! And I'm panicking! I wasn't sure if I should tag this as rant/vent or help? because I'm panicking and it shows but I also need advice. So I had a scan today and it's twins. The tech said it was hard to tell but she thinks they're identical. She also asked how far along I thought I was and I said the number I worked out was 14 weeks, but I wasn't 100% certain as this was my first proper checkup (aside from my GP who said they'd tell me at the scan), and the tech said both me and the babies were a little big for 14 weeks, and that we looked more like 16. She offered me an estimated due date which is just the first half of March, then said that with twins it can be harder to tell, and that didn't exactly ease my panic. (though everything else looks good so that's amazing) But twins! There's 2 of them! And there's 1 of me! And I think it's just really hitting me right now that I have never been a mum before and I have no clue what I'm doing and there's going to be not 1 but 2 tiny humans depending on me who are arriving some time in March! When in March? It's a surprise! I have room for twins. I have resources for twins. I think I have the energy for twins. But I am terrified. I have no clue what I'm doing. I have 3 bedrooms, so do I put them in separate rooms or together? My friend offered to stay with me for a little after the birth, and I said no, so am I going to need to take him up on that? Is there anything different about having twins that I should be aware of (aside from there being 2 of them)? Also what do I do about this window the tech gave me? Is that normal? Are they going to be able to narrow it down at any point? I know I just got out a lot but if anyone has any advice for me on the due date (or due window of time) or the whole twins situation it'd be really great. Update 4 posted in r/relationship_advice on March 1, 2021 (6 months later) My friends have been amazing through my pregnancy/post birth. How do I adequately thank them? I spent ~18 months in a relationship that in retrospect was very controlling, and I fell out of contact with a lot of friends because of how my ex felt about them. My ex and I broke up, I was pregnant with twins when we split, and I began therapy. The therapist got me to reach out to friends I'd neglected. There were 2 in particular that I really missed and decided to reach out to first, "Lily" and "Caleb". They were happy to hear from me, and were completely understanding of the situation with my ex. I reached out to them mid October, and it's like we never stopped talking. I've been friends with Lily since we were kids, and I met Caleb at university, nearly a decade ago. My ex didn't like Lily because she's bisexual (as am I), and he didn't like Caleb because he's a straight man. Since October I've been talking to both of them regularly. Christmas rolled around and we were all alone, so I said they were welcome to come over. Lily and Caleb had met before this, but they were more acquaintances than friends, and they became friends over Christmas dinner. They, and a couple other friends, pitched in and bought me a mixer plus a metric fuckton of baby stuff for Christmas. Lily and Caleb then began coming over more often. They made a group chat so we could make plans together, they helped me put together the nursery, Lily drove me to one of my appointments, and when I mentioned in passing that I was craving ice cream Caleb showed up with 4 tubs the next day. These are just examples, but generally they went above and beyond the last few months. I went into labour 3 weeks ago, nearly a full month early. With preemie twins things have been hectic, and I wasn't taking visitors for the first week, but a few days after coming home they told me in the group chat to open the front door, and when I did there was a bag containing ready meals and snacks, plus a couple tubs of formula. When I began taking visitors, they would show up together, and one of them minds the kids while the other cleans. The only reason I'm able to write this right now is that they came over earlier, Caleb got both girls to go to sleep, and Lily left me a meal for tonight. I have a weird relationship with the concept of asking for help. I had to be self sufficient from a young age, so asking other people for help is uncomfortable for me. They know this, which is why they're not waiting for me to ask, so much as they are just showing up and helping. I have been thanking them profusely, but they always tell me not to thank them, saying that we're friends so this is completely reasonable, but I know they're doing a lot more than anyone else would in this situation. Which prompts the question: how do I adequately thank Lily and Caleb for everything they've been doing the last few months? Where do I even begin? Relevant comments: A letter is a really nice idea, and it would save me from just saying whatever comes out of my mouth lol. We have watched a movie/TV show together a couple times but I've always ended up falling asleep. I'm thinking about doing some baking in a bit, so I might make them some brownies. • You could name them godparents. I can't believe I didn't think of that. I will absolutely do that, so long as they're willing. • Although if you want to go totally nuts, you could ask them both to marry you. :) It's tempting, tbh. I mean we have been flirting a lot. Just not sure we're there yet lol. • They aren't together, I introduced them at Christmas, and we're all flirting with each other. It was started to boost my self esteem and now it's an inside joke. Very glad the girls don't understand what we're saying yet. • I think all of these except the BBQ are doable (I live in a flat, no garden). The brownies are done for the next time they come over and I'll look into flowers now. They are very into hugging, I usually end up cuddling up with at least one of them (sometimes both lol). Thank you. OP makes another post about people offering to watch her kids unsolicited. I couldn't include it, but she gives some information about her family in the comments. It can be found here Update 5 posted in r/Adoption on May 16, 2021 (2½ months later) Sister wants me to adopt her baby, who she has promised to our abusive parents. I already have twins. Is this a good idea? I have 3 month old twin girls. I have been no contact with my parents for a decade, due to them being highly abusive and kicking me out as a teen. I am not letting them meet my kids because of this. My sister is 3 months pregnant. She lives with our parents, and says she intends to continue doing this as she doesn't want to raise a child, but they want a grandchild, so the idea is they would all live together and my parents would raise the child while my sister was only the mother on paper. I called my sister to work out a way to get the baby away from our parents. She said if I want to take the baby, she will allow a legal adoption, but that's the only other option she will consider. The bio father is not going to be involved, so he doesn't factor in here. I have the money to take in a third child, and with a bit of adjusting I could make the room. I can extend my maternity leave to a full year (it's meant to end soon), meaning that when the new-born arrives I would have 3 months left of my leave to get settled. I am a single mother, but I have a strong network of friends to help and my job has been very good with me taking leave and my work entitles me to free childcare. Would pursuing the adoption be a good idea? What would potentially having 9 month old twins and a new-born at the same time look like? Would being so close in age affect the kids growing up? Sorry if this is the wrong place to ask this, but it seemed like the most logical forum to go to. Relevant comments about the sister, the parents and the adoption: If we were to go along with the adoption and my sister were to change her mind last minute, I would be surprised, and upset, but I would understand. I loved my twins from the minute I knew I was pregnant, I can't imagine ever willingly giving them up, so if it turned out my sister felt the same, I would accept that. There's a reason bio parents are usually given a grace period to change their minds, and I would be willing to honour that. I would only draw the line at her changing her mind after several years. My sister moved in with our parents voluntarily. She's in her mid 20s, and would have been able to continue living alone, she chose to move in with them and support them financially as she was concerned about them. If they did hypothetically kick her out, which is unlikely given that she's paying for everything, she would still have income and land on her feet, and when we were talking I offered her my guest room and financial support if she wanted to move out, so if she were kicked out and couldn't afford a new place, I would be willing to extend the offer of a rent free guest room and financial support again. • I have no idea what her plans are. She's 24 and was living alone before the national lockdown, at which point she voluntarily moved in with our parents in order to support them, but she could have continued living alone, so it was entirely her choice, and she can leave any time. I assume that if the situation becomes untenable she will choose to move out again, but she says that she feels she owes it to them to support them as they supported her until she was 18. I've said that is absolutely not how that works, but she is very insistent. • No. She says that she has to stay with our parents, as she feels that she owes them her help, and that if I were to take the baby, she would have no responsibility to said baby. She also has no desire to be a mother in general, so even if she did move in with me and the baby, she would not want to provide an extra set of hands, or help with any of the (3 total) babies at all, and I'm in a far better financial position than she is, so she wouldn't want to provide income, either. • If she got pregnant again then I have no idea what I'd do, but she's said she's certain she does not want kids and wants to look into permanent birth control after the birth. She is completely willing to sign away all rights and make this a full and legal adoption, where she is the aunt and nothing more. We would of course explain the biology to the child ASAP but she would never want to act as a mother. I'm sort of hoping she doesn't take me up on the offer to live with me, as we never particularly enjoyed living together as kids and I think that plus having her around the new-born, particularly if she's still in contact with our parents, could be a recipe for disaster. She could afford to live alone right now with no issues, so I doubt she'd take me up on it anyway. Update 6 posted in r/2under2 on May 16, 2021 (same day as the previous post) I might have 3 under 1 in 6 months time I posted this elsewhere but someone directed me here so I hope this is okay. I have 3 month old twins and my sister is 3 months pregnant. She wants me to adopt her child, meaning that when my twins are 9 months old, I may be adopting her new-born, giving me 3 under 1. The 3 month olds are doing well. We got off to a shaky start, but they're currently sleeping 4-5 hours straight, so I'm hoping they'll be sleeping through the night soon, and haven't had any serious issues despite being slightly premature (couple weeks). I've arranged childcare for when I go back to work. I'm meant to go back soon, but I can either extend my maternity leave to a full year, meaning that I'll be off for 6 months, then the new-born comes, then I'll have another 3 months to adjust, or I can go back for 5-6 months and then take a second round of leave when the new baby comes. Which sounds best? I have a 3 bedroom flat, and the plan was that as the girls got older, they would get a bedroom each, but if I brought in a third child, what would be the setup? Could they share a room? How long for? Would I need to get a bigger place right away or could I hold off until I have a little more in the bank? I really want to take my sister's kid in, as it's the only way to keep them safe, but I don't know if having 3 babies on my hands at once is the best idea, particularly when I'm a single parent. Could anyone in a similar position give me a better idea of what 3 under 1 would look like? I'm think I'm doing pretty well with 2 but a third child who is 9 months younger than the others doesn't sound easy, to say the least. Any advice (or opinion) is appreciated. Thanks. Relevant comments: Would the sister give up the baby for adoption?: She would not. She says either our parents raise the baby, or I do. I did suggest other options, such as offering her resources to enable her to keep the child (she says she doesn't want to be a mother) or asking our siblings to take the baby, (she says they are all ill equipped to take the child (which is true)). Placing the baby up for adoption was mentioned, but the system isn't great where we are (better than most places but still not great) and she doesn't want to take any chances. She says that she knows I'm a good mother from what our brother has told her, and she trusts me with her child, and if I can't do it, then our parents will. What if OP and the parents said no?: My parents would never have said no. They want a grandchild really badly, and this has only been exacerbated by me having kids that I won't let them see. Frankly, my sister has been my parents' lap dog for a while, and my parents can be very manipulative, so if she were to admit that she intentionally conceived solely to give them a grandchild that they could see, I would not be surprised. After that, OP makes a post about her job as a teacher and struggles with maternity leave. It can be found here Update 7 posted in r/BabyBumps on September 12, 2021 (4 months later) He's here I'm adopting my sister's son. He was born 8 days ago, but he's over 2 months premature. Closer to 3. The birth was meant to be natural but ended up a c section due to complications, but the c section was still routine with no issues. Doctor said it went as well as it could have overall. The doctor wanted to keep my son for a bit longer because he's just so early and they want to be positive it's safe before I take him home. However, because I can't begin the formal adoption for a few weeks still, and with the you know what restricting visitors, this means I can't even visit him. I would post a pic here but I don't even have a picture to show you. I've only seen him once, immediately after the birth. My sister is allowed to see him as the birth mother but she's only been once. I was meant to be able to take him home yesterday but they asked to keep him longer and run a few more tests. I'm either getting no information or incredibly limited info because despite being his mother and him coming to live with me once he's released, because it isn't on paper yet and I didn't birth him, they're not allowed to give me the same information that my sister is getting. I'm angry and frustrated and tired and anxious and while my partners are trying to calm me, it's not working. I just want him home safe. Relevant comment: He's about 10 weeks early. I thought a week was a short time but the nurse assured me I could take him home after that. Paperwork can start from when he's 6 weeks old but that isn't including the time it takes to be approved. The other legal aspects have been dealt with so it should be a fairly simple process but I still have to wait to file. After that post, OP leaves two comments on the previous BORU post providing more information: Hi! This is me. God, I go off reddit for a few days and go viral again LMFAO. You're right. I did, very briefly, try for poly with my friends I mentioned in the advice post, and it was fine for a while but ultimately, we just weren't clicking, not helped by me having the kids, and going through a lot of big changes in life, like starting a new job and adopting my nephew, a process which is still ongoing despite him being over a year old already. I ended up single for a while, and then met my current partner, which would have been about 7 months ago now, so yeah you are right on the money with this. • Hi, I'm the OP. To be clear, the AITA sister who shamed me for not appeasing my abuser is different to the one whose child I adopted. The one whose child I adopted is financially supporting our parents, you're right, and she's still doing that. However, I have reason to believe that her pregnancy was intentional. She's never explicitly said anything, but what she has said is that our parents wanted a grandchild, and she wanted them to have one, but once she actually got pregnant, I had the conversation with her about how abusive our parents were/are, and she then pushed for me to adopt the baby, a process she is still helping me with despite supporting our parents while she does it. It feels to me like she might have intentionally gotten pregnant to essentially be a surrogate for our parents, and then realised how phenomenally stupid that idea was once she was actually pregnant. At the end of the day, the method wasn't great, but I feel like she ultimately did the right thing, and I'm seeing a fair amount of shaming her in the comments here that I don't love tbh so thanks for sticking up for her. OP later makes a comment on another post about her ex boyfriend: My ex is a deadbeat who wants nothing to do with the kids because they had the audacity to be girls, and he's stealing photos either from me or just random photos off the internet and posting on facebook about 'his girls' and how much he loves them, how much he enjoyed taking them to the park or group, and is getting praise heaped on him when he's never even met them. The bar isn't even on the floor at this point, it's subterranean. OP also shares more information about her kids and her partners: I have 2 partners and 3 kids, which means that right now we're evenly matched. One adult per child. Feels pretty perfect, number-wise. The kids are also a bit of a handful, not in terms of behaviour but twin 4 year olds and a 3 year old who is turning 4 soon, they're perfect but it's a lot. There's also the factor that my partners and I can't have kids the old fashioned way, as I'm a woman, one of my partners is also a woman, and my other partner is a trans man, so it would require IVF or sperm donors or something of that sort. We might change our mind in a few years, but for now we're content to just love our kids as is. New Update posted to OP's profile on July 29, 2025 (almost 4 years later) Life update for anyone who is still here I lost the password to this account and didn't give an email, but I was scrolling while logged out earlier and there was one post that stoked such a rage in me I pulled out my old laptop which I haven't used in 2 years that had the password saved and got in solely to reply to that post, only for it to get locked as soon as I logged in. Then I saw that I have over 60 notifications, including one from reddit saying I have rewards expiring on 31/12/24 and need to use them before they expire. Oops. All the other messages are asking how I am, what I'm up to, how me and the kids are doing, all that sort of thing so this is just a very quick post on my profile for anyone who is still here lmao. I'm fine. Thanks for asking. Would not have been able to say that a couple years ago but honestly am now. Kids are fine. The girls are 4 and starting school in September and I'm just about holding it together because it feels like yesterday that the midwife was comparing the sizes of the foetuses to various fruit and veg. Annoyingly, though, my son was born 4 days after the cut-off so he won't be starting school until next year, which he's really upset by as he wants to do what his sisters are doing. I think he'll prefer being a year behind in the long run, though, speaking as someone with several siblings who was always grateful for that extra space at school. Love life: Boyfriend is gone. Not the father but the guy I started seeing a bit after the kids were born, because he also turned out to be a scumbag. I took some time off dating, and have recently got back together with the two people I mentioned in a previous post, where I referred to them as "Lily and Caleb". We tried dating between the boyfriends, but broke it off initially because honestly I had a lot going on, my self esteem was not great, and I felt like I was using them, and since I've had some time to just be single and focus on me (and the kids, of course) I realised that I really am in love with them, and it appears that was mutual. We're coming up on our first anniversary. Kids are aware and very happy. Job: I've changed jobs once more since I last logged in. Been in the new job for about 18 months, going well, pays almost as well as stripping and it's hybrid so plenty of time at home with the kids. Baby daddy: not heard from him. Knew I wouldn't, to be fair. He's dodging child maintenance but I don't need it so not worth panicking about. Did try and put a legal case against him but it didn't go anywhere. Again, wasn't expecting it to, but both of these things are good to have on record in case he decides to be a problem again in future. I do know that he's gotten married recently, and I hope his wife has full command of their birth control. Family: again not heard from them. I do get some news from screenshots my friends send me, as a couple of relatives occasionally hop on facebook to moan about how I'm such an awful person for keeping the kids from them, but it's keeping them safe so I don't feel too bad about that. Flat: given my rapidly growing family, I was thinking about selling. I even put it on the market and there was an estate agent bringing people by while I looked at houses. I felt awful about it because I love this flat, and it's always been a symbol for me that I can achieve things I never thought I could, and of the houses I saw, not many ticked all of my boxes, so when the flat next door went on the market shortly after mine, I took it as a sign. I spoke with the owner and our shared estate agent and we agreed that I would take my flat off the market, buy theirs, and just convert it into one massive flat, which solved every problem I had and didn't hurt my property value, either. Did take a while to sort everything out but so happy I did it as my only issue with this flat was space, and that's sorted. Can't think of what else to add (except maybe that my hair is red now? IDK everything else is basically the same lmao) but happy to answer any questions if anyone is out there to ask them. Assuming that most of the people who followed me when I made that first post ~5 years ago are, like me, inactive, have forgotten their passwords, or have fully forgotten why they followed me in the first place, but if you do remember me then hi, thanks for all the well wishes and appropriately concerned messages, and I honestly just really appreciate the support. When I made this account I had no self esteem, was really low all the time, and was stuck in a controlling relationship that I didn't even realise was controlling. If it wasn't for the people here who told me to get out of there, I would probably still be in that relationship, without my beautiful family or my beautiful flat. submitted by /u/Shelly_895 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Just got back from a two-night solo car camping trip with my 3-year-old son in the Pine Creek Gorge area (Tioga State Forest, PA), and wanted to share the experience for any parents considering something similar. We camped at Big Run South – Site 019 off Big Run Rd near Blackwell. It’s a primitive site in the PA State Park system, but beautifully maintained with a solid fire ring, a downed log for seating, and easy access to the creek just steps from camp. I arrived with everything organized in bins—cooking gear, sleeping, food, bike stuff—to make setup smooth and reduce stress. I use a Snow Peak Alpha Breeze tent (which I absolutely love), and paired it with an Exped LuxeMat Duo so my son and I could sleep on one massive mattress together. Slept like a rock both nights. I also brought a Dometic water jug and faucet system, which turned out to be a lifesaver for cooking, cleaning, and getting him ready for bed without hassle. I’ll be honest—keeping a 3-year-old safe and entertained while solo-parenting in the woods is no joke. I had to break out the tablet a few times so I could cook dinner or build a fire uninterrupted, but otherwise, he kept busy stacking rocks, splashing in the creek, and turning the hammock into a makeshift swing. Everything became a game. On Saturday, we packed up for a 23-mile out-and-back ride on the Pine Creek Rail Trail. I was on my Salsa Vaya Ti, pulling my son in a Burley Bee trailer loaded with snacks, water, and his favorite stuffed animal. We rode south from Blackwell to Tomb Flats—the trail has a gentle downhill grade in that direction, which helped conserve energy on the way out. Tomb Flats was the perfect turnaround point: shaded picnic area, scenic, and with shallow creek access for lunch and a swim. We cooled off, crushed some Uncrustables, then headed back north, stopping at Cedar Run General Store for ice cream. We made it back to the car around mid-afternoon, totally beat. I had planned to hit a swimming hole afterward but was wiped—thankfully our site had just enough creek access to let us cool off without leaving again. A Few Takeaways: Meals: Keep it stupid simple. Pre-mix everything. Bring more snacks than you think. Sleep: Invest in a real sleep setup. Sleep is half the battle. Gear: Bins saved me. One for cooking, one for sleeping, one for adventure stuff. Mentality: It’s not about perfection. It’s about creating space for them to explore while you try to hold it all together. Camping solo with a toddler isn’t for the faint of heart, but it’s doable—and incredibly rewarding. If you’re thinking about it, I’m happy to answer questions about gear, planning, or just surviving the first night. submitted by /u/avgenthusiast to r/camping [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Either_Ambassador_54 Originally posted to r/AITAH Previous BoRUs: 1 [New Update]: AITAH for just deciding not to travel because my wife made reservations for Disney again? NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warning: car accident RECAP Original post: December 13, 2024 My wife Jess and I have been married for the past 13 years. We’re both 39. After experiencing financial hardship throughout our twenties and early 30s, Jess and I are now fortunate enough to have the means to travel once or twice a year. The only problem is that Jess literally only wants to go to Disney World. We have been to Disney nine times now, and every vacation we have ever taken together was to go there, including our honeymoon. So we go, we eat the Mickey Mouse ice cream, we wear the mouse ears, we stay in the official hotels, we see the characters, we ride the rides, we take the pictures in front of Cinderalla’s castle, and we come home. Every trip. I’m honestly beyond sick of Disney, and I never really liked going in the first place. Jess knows this, but she has no concept of travel beyond Disney. We’re currently planning a trip for April, and Jess, as usual, said that we can “just go to Disney.” I explained that it sounds fun, but hey, why don’t we go somewhere like Hawaii this time? Jess was confused. She asked why we would go to Hawaii. I responded that we could enjoy the spas and go to the beach. Jess mumbled a halfhearted answer and walked away. A few days later, she approached me, saying that she made hotel reservations for Hawaii. At first, I was excited because although she did so without consulting me, it seemed like she was really listening. But then when she showed me the hotel she booked, I found she had made reservations for Aulani, the Disney resort in Hawaii. Frustrated, I told her that I’m honestly tired of Disney, and that I just want to have a different experience this time. She told me that she was “compromising” with me, and that I should be “appreciative” for the time she spent. I asked her if she was willing to consider anything other than Disney for our trip, and she said no. At this point, I said that I wasn’t going. Now she’s furious. She canceled the reservation she made, and now she’s looking for a friend to go to Disney World with again without me. Was I the asshole here for not trying to accommodate her request? AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received the majority of NTAs and few others Top Comments Commenter 1: How the fuck did this go on for 9 trips without you saying something? I’d have gone mad after going a 2nd time Commenter 2: Ffs, does she realize there's a whole nonDisney world out there? And it's much less expensive with shorter lines? Commenter 3: However, you should also consider being more truthful with your wife. If you can't even be truthful to your wife, who can you be truthful with? It obviously did not sound fun at all to you so just be clear on that. In fact, the 2nd time she booked the disney trip you should have been honest with her and suggested something else. Commenter 4: At 39, it might be time to consider broadening her horizons and embracing more of what the world has to offer. Life is too short to be spent solely between home and Disney when there’s so much out there waiting to be explored.   Update: December 20, 2024 (one week later) About a week ago, I made a post about an argument my wife Jess and I had. The TL;DR version of it is Jess loves going to Disney World, and we have gone there for literally every trip during our marriage, which is now at an impressive nine times. When I asked Jess if we could go somewhere like Hawaii, she suggested Aulani, the Disney resort, and I dismissed the idea immediately. This upset Jess. Here's the update: I screwed up. I know most people were giving me the NTA judgment, but Jess actually showed a great deal of openness to my idea. She took initiative by reserving the hotel because she wanted me to be happy. When I said "Nope. No Disney," she felt that I hadn't put any effort into taking her feelings into consideration. And she was completely right. I hadn't. It was, in a twisted way, my form of revenge for dragging me to Disney World all those times. In the last post, some people commented about how Aulani barely even looks like a Disney resort at all. This is something I should have researched myself before I threw the gauntlet down with Jess. When I looked into it, it looks like a run-of-the-mill Hawaiian resort. In my defense, going to Disney World nine times has kind of made me sensitive, and I'm fairly sure that on a Rorschach test I'd see nothing but mouse ears at this point, but I really should not have jumped to conclusions. A day after I made the post, I approached Jess and apologized. I was wrong. Yes, she might be a "Disney adult," but aside from always wanting to go to their theme parks, she's never obnoxious about it. I said I was sorry, and asked for permission to reserve the hotel again. And Jess responded that she'd love to go to Aulani with me. When I told her that it's not really all that Disney, Jess said "Of course I knew that. I wanted to go because my sister said it was beautiful." I'm a moron. Jess and I have re-planned our vacation, and we're super excited to be going now. I came to this realization because a lot people pointed out some things I should have figured out myself. Thank you. Comments Commenter 1: Man did you get gaslit. 9 fucking vacations in a row to Disney, did she take your feelings into account any of those 9 times? Nope. Commenter 2: What do you mean she’s never been obnoxious about it? She dragged you to Disney nine times in your marriage, ignoring your communicating that you wanted to go somewhere else. When you put your foot down, she scheduled TENTH Disney vacation, just at a different Disney location. Is this even OP? Did she tie you up and gag you with Mickey Mouse ears, typing on your account? Because her behavior is not okay, and a tenth Disney trip when you said no more Disney is zero compromise on her part. Do you need to be extracted? Commenter 3: This update actually makes me sad. I’m sure Aulani is lovely. But Jess still is not considering your feelings. And you still aren’t standing up for yourself! You need to COMMUNICATE. Respectfully, calmly, and like adults. Maybe this is a good bridge to less Disney-centric vacations. Maybe not. But unless you communicate your frustrations, you’re going to be going to something Disney themed next time, too.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Final Update: I decided not to travel because my wife made reservations for Disney again: January 5, 2025 (nearly three weeks later) Hi again everybody. This situation all started because my wife Jess and I had an argument about going to Disney World on vacation again. I didn't want to go because we had already been nine times, and when I suggested Hawaii, Jess made reservations for Aulani, which is a Disney-owned resort. I immediately rejected this idea, mistakenly believing it was just another Disney vacation. Eventually, I realized that I was wrong, and that Aulani was a perfectly fine compromise. Unfortunately, we will not be going to Aulani for our upcoming vacation. A couple of days after Christmas, Jess had a minor car accident. She mistook drive for reverse and backed into our garage door. When I heard the loud bang, I ran outside, and I found Jess holding her neck in the car. I immediately drove her to the hospital, where she got X-rays done. She seemed fine, but the doctor said that based on her symptoms (headache, neck pain, numbness in her fingers), she could have whiplash. Jess and I figured that she would be fine in a couple of days, but almost two weeks later, she is still complaining about back pain. Yesterday, she approached me, saying that she wasn’t confident she could go to Hawaii in a few months. I asked what she wanted to do, and while apologizing profusely, she asked me if we could postpone that trip. I responded that she had absolutely nothing to apologize for. After that, she said that she felt bad about not being able to go to Hawaii, but she might be able to make it to Disney World. While I didn’t understand at first, she told me that it has very high accessibility and, in a worst case scenario, ECV rentals. She doubts that will be necessary, but assured me that we could take it easy there. I know that this isn’t the conclusion people here wanted, and it’s certainly not what I wanted to do with my next vacation, but Jess’s health has to come first here. We’ve made our reservations. It’s not where I want to go, but Jess is super happy right now, and that’s what matters most to me. Thank you all for your input. Comments Commenter 1: A resort is infinitely more relaxing and easier than Disney even for non-injured people. I think you got played buddy. Disney adults be scheming! Commenter 2: Damn she's good. A master manipulator. Time to get out bro or you're going to be miserable for the rest of your life. Commenter 3: She literally did that on purpose lmao. You keep getting sucked into it and you will always get sucked into it because you have no backbone. Good luck with the rest of your life 🥴   Latest Update here: BoRU #3   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Don't want this on my main account. I 29m was in a relationship with my STBX wife 28f for 8 years. Everthing was what i will describe as nearly perfect. Small argument here and there but nothing really significant or relationship altering. All of that stopped 13 month ago after she got pregnant. The child wasn't a surprise as we were trying for a baby. I seriously don't know what went wrong but around the 4 month mark my wife completely made a 180 switch from the kind, carring and sweet women she use to be to a total tyrant i know it's bad to speak of someone like that but that is the best way to describe it. I am completely honest when i say me breathing was an issue for her, waking me up at 2-3 in the morning because she wanted something specific and become verbally abusive when i refused to drive 40 minutes to get her an ice-cream she was craving. She went on a tyrade because she wanted chick fil A on a sunday and the place was close. Calling me a useless husband, everything under the sun, wasn't allowed to sleep in the same bed as her then being pissed at me in the morning for not sleeping in the same bed as her, cleaning the house because it's to loud then not cleaning the house, cooking something she doesn't want anymore but requested it earlier. I bared everything, every insults, all the verbal abuse. I never raised my voice towards her during this time. I begged her to get help, talk to a doctor, therapist, her mother anyone but she refused and that just made things worse because apparently i called her crazy for asking her to get help. I went with her to the doctor one time and when i brought up the mood swing the hell i was in for a whole week wasn't worth it. Talking to her mother as well, she tried to help but my wife will act overly sweet and she made it seem that i was the crazy one untill her mother left and it was back to hell for me, even the camara footage i have of her going off she made it seem out of context and i was made out to be the monster by everyone for not doing more or enough. she made it seem that everytime she got angry was in response to something i did. Me sleeping at 4am and she not being able to open a can of peaches was my fault earning me a can against the chest while sleeping. 4 month ago she gave birth, wasn't a easy birth but i was hopeful that things will somewhat return to normal but that is when the post partum depression kicked in. I again tried to help, i really did suggestions, research, talking to a therapon my own to find better ways to help her but everything i did just made things worse. I was against her with everything calling her a shit wife, bad mother even though those words never left my mouth. Everything blew up when she actively became physically violent. My last straw was when she smashed a coffee cup on my head when i walked out the room after an small argument because i took to long to bring her the cup of coffee. i was busy with our son changing his diaper. This was the first time in 8 years that i rised my voice at her and told her we are done, she can pack her shit and move the fuck out of the house. She went to her parents house, she wanted to take our son but i didn't allow that, when she said she will call the cops i pointed to the camara in the hall way and told her she is welcome to try as the camara caught it all. A week later i was served with divorce papers, i wanted to file but didn't have time with work and carring for our son. I was to busy. 3 weeks back after i got back from work my in laws were waiting for me, apparently her parents got her to see a therapist after they threatened to kick her out because she became as abusive to them as she was to me. They finally believe me and that i wasn't making things up. They gave me a letter from my wife before the left. The letter basically says the following without writting everything out. She is sorry for the way she treated me all those months, she doesn't know why she did it and has no excuse, after her parents threatened to kick her out and she saw a therapist and psychiatrist she is better now that she is on medication to help her. In the letter she says she stopped the divorce proceedings and want to give us another try. I haven't responded to her letter and told my lawyer to proceed with the divorce proceedings. I gave the letter to her as well as it contains alot of detail of what she did as well as her admitting to the verbal abuse, it's not just my words anymore especially for the things that happened in public the videos i have of it as well and the video of her breaking the coffee cup on my head with the hospital visit for the stitches and burn marks from the hot coffee. I am told I'm the asshole as she is getting the help she needs now and that i should forgive her and give her another chance, i should do it to keep our family together, if i truly love her, i will be able to forgive her for the things she did while not in her right mind. I am a monster because i have no idea what she went through. My things is why didn't she take the help i suggested, i did everything humanely possible to help her and she refused, she made me out to be this evil person and everything i didn't wasn't right, good enough, not enough, nothing. Even when i removed myself from the situation that was also wrong. I have more than enough evidence to get full custody of our son and a prenup that protects everything i have including the house. AITAH for refusing to continue in this relationship and preceding with the divorce. Edit to add. I see it already in the notification. i am going for full custody of my son. My lawyer says there is no sustainties but she can't see any reason a judge would not grant me full custody of my son. Just to add as well, my son is mine. Did go through my wife messages and everything just before she gave birth for this exact reason. No deleted messages i could find, weird expenses, out of context messages or anything like that. Test was done and he is mine. submitted by /u/ThrowRAevilhusband to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

For a little context, I am a student in my last year and I live off my savings so I don't have much money, I rent a room near the university, in that place I live, the lady who rents it to me and 2 other university students, like this that only adults What happened: this lady's grandchildren are visiting (They are 3 children between 7 and 2 years old) we normally leave the rooms with the door open because there are few of us and there is trust in the others in the house, now with the children everywhere, I left the door closed (no key), I came back tired in the afternoon and felt that there was something out of place in my room, like that feeling that someone moved something and that person tried to make it look like it didn't. I got a little nervous and asked my best friend (who rents another of the rooms) if he had come in, which he denied and I believed him, then I saw a bookmark on the floor, I decided to see in the kitchen if there was anything of mine and I found under a table a notebook of mine (very special for me since it was a birthday gift years ago from my best friend) with a cute cat design, now it was all dirty, torn and unusable. The lady who rents from me saw me almost crying because of it (I did feel stupid for crying but stationery is special to me and gifts even more so) and she offered to pay for a new one but that one is discontinued... I decided to rest and after a while eating ice cream (which I bought as a luxury because my mother had sent me some money) and I NOTICED THAT THEY HAD EATEN ALL OF IT (1 liter of ice cream), now, the lady doesn' I don't know that I noticed about the ice cream, but today I want to charge her for it, and go buy some notebook. I feel like it's rude of me to charge for that but I don't have enough money and the fact that they eat my things and break my things makes me feel very frustrated... (and yes, today I left the door locked) UPDATE: Everything went well, I spoke to her and it was all misunderstandings and good intentions, in fact as soon as I arrived she asked me if I had found a replacement for the notebook... she even gave me a plate of homemade food (as a student that's worth gold) Thank you all for your responses I felt a bit rude about it since I have a soft heart when it comes to children. Regarding privacy, which I understand is an issue (for me too), it is something discussed and I know that the children were scolded and before that even warned not to enter. Luckily I didn't have any really dangerous things at children's height (like medicines or scalpels... which I use to practice nursing techniques) submitted by /u/Even_West_6286 to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

My BF of 2 years has an 11yo daughter that just started her first ever menstrual cycle 3 days ago. He has full custody of her and they started making transitions to move in with me and my 8yo son about 2 weeks ago. Up until this point, everything was going fairly well. The kids got along and I thought Diane was a nice enough kid. Anyways, she walks out of her bedroom 3 days ago and tells me she thinks she started her period and was asking me the general questions on how to wear a pad, what she can/can't do, etc. All is well. I let her stay home from school after calling my BF at work to confirm plans and give him the run down. She was crampy. I work from home so it was no issue. All day she interrupted my business calls to talk about her period. It was annoying but I just dealt with it because it's her first menstrual so obviously there's going to be a lot of questions. This wasn't even the problem. It was what followed it. She was in a great mood all day. But as soon as my BF and my son got home from work, my home turned in to a warzone. My son asked if she wanted to play with him and she screamed in his face "I'm on my period" and literally slammed him out of her doorway. He went flying, hit the wall. Bruised his shoulder and hit his head off the door frame. My BF went to talk to her and she starts crying. "I'm on my period, I don't want him near me". He gave her a pass for her behavior, which already pissed me off. The next day we planned a beach day (like a week ago planned it), Diane starts flipping out to a point of a full tantrum. Screaming AT me and my BF telling us that no, we would not still be going to the beach because she's on her period and she can't swim and since she can't, none of us can and she "doesn't care" if that bothers us. My BF cancels the trip, or tried. I told him I was still bringing my kid regardless. We get back home at 3pm. When I left, I had a pot of chili in the slow cooker for dinner. I find half the pot gone. Diane had been eating out of the slow cooker. My BF told me that Diane said the only thing she wanted was chili and that since she was on her period, he had to let her. He listened to her. There wasn't enough to feed everyone now. We send the kids to bed at 8pm. She comes out at 9, telling her father that she needed ice cream or she "was going to snap". He originally said no; she starts tweaking out. Crying, screaming. Wakes up my son. He ends up going and getting her the fucking ice cream instead of being a parent and snipping that shit in the bud. Then this morning. My BF tells her she can stay home from school again because she's still on her period. I tell him no. I'm working today and she interrupted me all day on my last workday. She starts flipping out, screaming at me that I'm "not doing anything to make her comfortable when that's what she needs right now". My BF sides with her. "It's her first period, we need to learn to navigate it." I told him again that she was NOT staying here today. He gets angry with me and says I'm making his life harder than it has to be. His kid is still screaming at me. So, I snapped and told them to pack all their shit and leave and that I was fucking done. Said that I'm glad she started her period so soon in to moving in so that I could get a proper assessment of how it would be full time and I would be damned I put up with this bullshit every month. They both immediately calmed down. She starts crying, saying she was just "trying to make me understand". He's telling me I'm being ridiculous. I stood firm however and told them to get out. They are now gone and my house is peaceful. I don't want them back here. My BF has been blowing my phone up since, telling me this is just a bump in the road but I have never been so disgusted by anyone in my entire life. AITA for not letting them return and telling him I'm done? I did speak to her about her aggression yesterday. I told her it wasn't okay to put her hands on people, to scream in my face, to demand we cater to her and break things. She says "I'm on my period, nothing I do right now can be held against me because I have no control". Which is enough to prove to me that she does have control, she's using this as an excuse. submitted by /u/Legitimate-Pirate644 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

A couple of months ago, I sprained my ankle and was using a walker to get around. We needed to go to the Consulate for some paperwork and bring a witness. We got in reasonably quickly, and we completed our paperwork. When we were leaving, I said I was taking the shortcut to the street because my ankle hurt. They said they would get the car and would pick me up. After standing in the sun for 25 minutes, people were coming up to me to see if I was okay, and did I need a Taxi? I was in pain, nearly in tears standing on one foot for so long. About 10 minutes later, they finally pulled up and told me they had gone for coffee and ice cream. No text, no call. I could have taken a taxi. When we got home, I told my husband I was angry that he didn't bother to let me know his plans. I could have gone home, met them at the coffee shop or at least sat down. To this day, my husband believes taking his friend out was the most important thing, as he had done us a favor and can't understand why I was upset. (No, they didn't bring me anything.) submitted by /u/Ok_Knee1216 to r/mildlyinfuriating [link] [comments]

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