Leg Workout For Men

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submitted by /u/SurelyNotACult to r/FunnyGymShirts [link] [comments]

Hello! I am a 23 yo trans men, I am 167 cm and weight 86 kg (I am overweight for my height and trying to lose it), I just did my top surgery at the end of april and I am completely healed rn so I can go back to the gym (I tried to start before surgery but I suck with discipline, but I am trying to improve in that as well), I am pre T bc for health reasons I have to wait to get it, but nothing that impairs my fitness, so I am okay in that and I can go to the gym. Anyway, I was searching everywhere for a workout plan for trans men, but I can't seem to be in luck on the internet. It seems that nobody has it? no excel or word or a piece of paper with written information on it, nothing. So I am here to ask you guys, what should I do to masculize my physique? I know nothing about fitness, pls help a brother in need. I am sadly cursed with wide hip and big glutes genetic, but I want to improve my health by losing fat and getting muscles!! What I am trying to ask is like, how many days a week, which days do I do what, what are the exercises and how many sets and reps do I have to do. (Also nobody I've seen talks about core strenght? like they just give you Chest, Back, Shoulder, Leg days, but no abs????) submitted by /u/hvtopic to r/transfitness [link] [comments]

​ https://preview.redd.it/3yk0tc15b7k61.jpg?width=2121&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5566b8b5a339a1760daa29486a488e2d76f21c9a There are a few immutable rules that govern the workout world: Monday is International Chest Day, don't ever curl in the squat rack, and you should never. Skip. Leg Day. Okay, not everyone at the gym follows these commandments-and that's fine. They shouldn't! Maintaining a healthy, productive strength training routine takes more than just pledging a meathead's devotion to unwritten decrees from some Schwarzeneggian deity. But that last rule is one that you should actually follow, at least in spirit. Unlike the bro reasoning of the first two guidelines, your lower body should never be ignored when it comes to your exercise routine. Give those glutes, quads, hamstrings, calves and other leg muscles as much love as you can handle. After all, your whole body will benefit from training legs. Since you'll often be pushing some of the biggest muscle groups in your body with multi-joint movements, you'll be getting your core involved, too-and your upper body often has to actually secure the load. Moving big weights and putting major strain on your body takes gets the metabolism going, too, so you'll be set up to torch calories and burn through fat. But you don't need to stay restricted to the squat rack on leg day, or even to big barbell movements, for that matter. While those types of exercises are absolutely effective, there's more to lower body training than just hitting the heavy weights. For balanced programming, you should be mixing up implements, switching up your planes of motion, and yes, even sprinkling in some isolation exercises from time to time. Really, your leg training is only as limited as your imagination. Here are some of our favorite leg exercises you can use to build a stronger, healthier lower body. Sure, there are other variations of this exercise out there (more on that shortly)-but when you say the word "squat" to just about any lifter, they're probably going to assume you're talking about this one. The back squat is a classic for a reason: there are few better, simpler ways to train the major muscle groups of your legs. The exercise is also an entry point to other variations, so it helps to get the OG form down pat. As we previously stated, there are an endless variety of barbell squat variations. Few, if any, will give you more bang for your buck than the front squat. The front-loaded nature of the move is going to push you to develop shoulder, ankle and hip mobility, and here's the best part of all: Your entire core has to be firing the entire time to protect your spine and make the move possible. It's an ab workout wrapped in a leg workout. Not far behind the front squat is the classic bodyweight squat. This is a great leg move that can go anywhere with you, and it's trickier than you may think. Most people make the mistake of thinking squatting is about your knees and don't sit back as much as they should. Learn to sit back and you'll attack your glutes and hamstrings more. Bodyweight squats level up more than you think, too: Add a pause or pulse in somewhere, and you're creating challenge without necessarily adding weight. Consider this the king of all posterior chain-focused exercises, and a great way to pack muscle onto your entire body. Whether you're doing it sumo style, conventionally, or with a trap bar (a underrated deadlifting method and one of the best ways to do it), you'll be hammering your core, training your back and your forearms more than you think, and, most importantly, you'll be challenging your hamstrings and glutes with serious load. This is destined to be your strongest lift in the gym. First off, it's fun to swing a weight around. Secondly, when you do it with a good-form kettlebell swing, you're hammering your core, driving your heart rate through the roof -- and piling size, strength, and power into your hamstrings and glutes. A well-done kettlebell swing builds serious lower-body explosiveness, and the oomph you get from it translates beyond the weight room, too, adding to your vertical leap, broad jump, and other more athletic moves. This one's a must-have in your leg day library. That's right: We're not falling in love with the stationary lunge too early. The walking variation is superior due to the fact that the trail leg can "step through" to the next rep. That trains the glutes more effectively and keeps the lift more dynamic in nature. On top of this, the knees take less stress forces due to less need to constantly start and stop or change direction. Start by learning basic lunge mechanics, which you can do right here. Consider this move your ultimate squat tutor. If you're struggling to achieve good squat depth or keep your torso in the proper upright position, doing goblet squats is a perfect way to solve those issues. You'll learn good mechanics, and start to understand your ideal body position for a squat. One more secret, too: Holding that heavy weight high in a goblet squat will fire up your core a ton too. Bulgarian Split Squat Few exercises build leg strength while simultaneously challenge your balance and your leg mobility as much as Bulgarian split squats. Elevating your rear foot onto a box or bench instantly creates a challenging stretch for your quads and hip flexors on your back leg, and it places more of a balance challenge on both your front leg and your hips. It's a great way to build mobility toward a deeper squat. Overall, you'll smoke your quads and glutes while also sparing yourself unwanted back pain. Sure, you want to ostracize this movement as being "not functional enough", consider the tremendous benefits. First, it's a great way to hit the quads with plenty more isolation than most squat variations can deliver. More importantly, it's a joint-saving lift for lifters with their share of battle scars (think back, hip, and knee issues. Should the leg press be the backbone of your workout? Should you load it up with titanic amounts of weight and ego-lift? No. But don't run away from the machine, either. This is a prime hamstring builder, using free weights that you can really load up. It's as simple as that. Perhaps the best part of the Romanian deadlift is how it prioritizes a controlled negative (or eccentric) contraction, a changeup from most leg moves (and exercises in general sometimes), which push you to focus only on lifting the weight and never challenge you as you lower the same weight. Your hamstrings deserve love too, and this exercise will give it to them. You'll also give your glutes some attention, too. They key here is bracing with your core, owning your hip hinge, and keeping your back from rounding. Make sure that you work your way up with the load-think about pushing your butt back, rather than folding at the hips. Lunging backwards rather than forwards stabilizes the front knee. You also get to focus on the all-important posterior chain, which includes your glutes and hamstrings, instead of relying so much on your quads and hips. But a reverse lunge gets even more intense once you add a deficit by standing oni a plate or a slight platform. Now, you're leading leg and glute work even harder to drive back onto the box, but it still all happens in a safe way. This is a great way to bear plenty of load to challenge the glutes and hamstrings, without having to fear excessive low back or spinal stress. Since the force angle is horizontal and not vertical relative to the body, this is a tool for both healthy lifters, and those on the mend from a back flare-up. Even better, you can do hip thrusts more frequently than some other leg exercises, since your upper body doesn't have to bear as much strain. This one's a glute-developing go-to. Think of the glute bridge as a variation on the hip thrust that requires only a load (think barbell or resistance band) and floor space. You're hitting the glutes from a slightly different angle compared to hip thrusts, and involves a shorter range of motion that's even more isolated to the glutes. Plus you don't have to fidget around with a bench to find the best position. If you're struggling to learn hip thrusts, step down to this and enjoy it. Bonus: You can do it anywhere, even in your living room if you're just using bodyweight. One of the king hamstring developers, take advantage of this piece of equipment if it happens to be in your gym. Your hamstrings have two key roles: They bend your knees, and they also help extend your hips (essentially aligning hips and torso). Your hamstrings have to focus on both things during glute-hamstring raises. Perhaps the best part: This one only requires bodyweight to drive your hamstrings to bionic levels. Also known as the "natural" glute hamstring raise, this is a fair alternative when in a poorly equipped gym. The secret comes in the negative rep. Accentuating the eccentric by lowering yourself as slowly as possible to the ground taps into the strongest muscle fibers your hamstrings possess, and won't fail to improve their strength. Not only is this great for leg development, but it's even better for injury prevention; eccentric hamstring strength is key in decelerating the body. The classic step up, when actually done with good form, is a hidden weapon for knee health, hip and glute strengthening, and unilateral stability. The key is stepping up with good form, keeping your glutes tight, and your knees turned out, not in. Do so, and you're blending strength, flexibility, and balance into one move -- and a worthwhile move no matter whether you're a bodybuilder, CrossFitter, or general strength enthusiast. If you want to be an athlete, you have to be strong not only when operating on two legs but also when operating on one. And few leg exercises will challenge you on one leg quite like the single-leg deadlift. You'll hone balance, and coordination on this one, and you'll build more core strength than you think as you work to stay in balance and keep your hips square on every single rep. When is a sprint not merely a sprint? When you're trying to sprint uphill. Whether you're doing that on a treadmill or on an actual hill, you'll be hammering your glutes and quads, and you'll naturally be honing better sprint form, simply because of the challenge of the angle of the hill. Make sure you sprint for no more than 20 seconds at a time, though (with solid rest in between). Go much longer than that, and you're basically just running uphill instead of actually sprinting. More and more gyms have sleds and performance turf inside; if yours does, you should take advantage. But that doesn't just mean pushing and pulling the sled. Attach some bands to the sled for support, lean against it, and push it in reverse. You'll be forced to extend aggressively at the knees, a key function of your quads. Expect major quad burn. submitted by /u/yellowumbrella to r/HealthyZapper [link] [comments]

I’ll preface this by saying the men in my family don’t live that long. Grandad made it to 69, my dad made it to 75. I started getting pressure in my chest at times last year and I didn’t want to just give in to it. I had surgery last summer and basically stopped working out for a couple of months due to recovery. Boom, pressure in my chest. Saw the doc. My bloodwork came back poor. I do take statins. So I started forcing myself to the gym every day. Plus long 45 min to one hour walks, daily, rain or shine or snow or sleet. I also do lots of weight training. At first it hurt, my neck especially. I had neck problems for years. So I did lesser weights and that didn’t hurt so I went to heavier and heavier. Now I can curl 40 lb dumbbells which isn’t world record breaking but for me, damn good and more importantly no more neck pain. I went and hit a bunch of golf balls which usually hurts for a couple of days in my back but now, it doesn’t as I’ve been working on strengthening my back specifically. In fact I don’t have aches and pains in general. The only thing is I get antsy if I don’t go to the gym every day, and it affects everything because I don’t want to drink much at all as it wears me down too much the next day. But even after social nights I’m at the gym the next day. The thing is my mind but wants to do less and less as I get older, stay in my comfort zone. But I force myself to go anyway. And then it doesn’t seem hard anymore because it’s like just a part of my every day routine. I won’t BS and say I feel 20 years younger but I feel probably the best a 54 year old could feel and kick myself for not thinking of this earlier. I’ve lost a few pounds but it’s more that it’s toned muscle now. I do eat healthier but could still improve. My routine is I use the cable machines/pulleys for a while, nothing too heavy, and really get a sold stretch in of my shoulders and back. A bunch of those, then triceps, biceps, lats, pushups, leg work. Then 20-30 min on an exercise bike. Then a stretch room workout with back raises, abs work, pigeon poses for the hips. I feel so much better mood wise too. Anyway thought I would share. submitted by /u/Gloomy-Ad-222 to r/GenX [link] [comments]

I recently started doing more Pilates and yoga classes and have been learning that studio leggings tend to work much better for these types of workouts than typical men's compression tights. The challenge I have run into is that the men's market for studio leggings is extremely limited, while the women's side has many more options designed specifically for yoga, Pilates, and studio classes. So far I have had good results with leggings like CRZ Butterluxe and Lululemon Wunder Train, but I am exploring a few other options. Currently looking at: • Athleta Elation No Front Seam leggings • Old Navy Extra-High Waisted PowerSoft Boundless 7/8 Pocket Leggings – No Front Seam • Volare leggings I like the idea of no front seam or smoother front panel designs since they seem to move better during exercises like roll-ups, bridges, and leg lifts. Curious if other men doing Pilates or yoga have tried these for studio classes and how they worked for you. Main things I am looking for: • good mobility for studio workouts • comfortable fabric for floor work • leggings that stay in place during movement • smooth front panel design Would love to hear if anyone has experience with any of these. Also open to feedback from instructors or anyone who regularly attends Pilates classes. I am mostly focused on finding studio leggings that move well and stay comfortable during exercises like roll-ups, bridges, and leg lifts. submitted by /u/CoderMotion to r/Activewear [link] [comments]

I am a guy who recently started doing Pilates a few times a week along with my Peloton strength and cycling routine. I switched from loose shorts to leggings because they stay out of the way and feel better for core work. I am using Lululemon All-Sport Leggings and Wunder Train No Line Leggings, and both feel great. My only issue is underwear. The Lululemon SoftStretch boxer briefs were comfortable, but not ideal under leggings, and most men’s underwear is cotton and not great for workouts. What underwear works best underneath? I am looking for something that stays in place, does not show through, and has light support without seams getting in the way. Any recommendations would be appreciated. submitted by /u/CoderMotion to r/OnePelotonRealSub [link] [comments]

Lifetime natural (no steroids, testosterone or SARMS and no clen, GLP1 nor diuretics). Just training and diet. So... where do I begin. I guess I will start with my childhood. I am of Korean & Chinese descent and growing up with a formerly abusive Korean mother destroyed my childhood into a million pieces. Being locked out of the house for hours on multiple occasions starting from age 6 after being told 'you are not my son anymore get out' and almost being abandoned on the side of the road like a dog being abandoned after being screamed at. Kicked, thrown onto the floor, beaten with utensils. This is quite par for the course in many Korean households. Obviously my confidence was non existent and the concept of unconditional love is as foreign to me as a fish trying to learn calculus. I coped with escapism- mainly gaming but also food. I was slamming costco pizzas, full sugar sodas, cookies and biscuits, shin ramen, entire mcdonald's family meals like no tomorrow. Combine that with being neurodivergent (ADHD), social situations were an effort in constant masking; terrified that I'll be judged. Then I saw Zyzz and his unshakeable confidence and I wanted to be like him. I decided that getting aesthetic would help me know what it feels like to.. just be. Exist in the world without performance and be my weird self without being judged. So in Feb 2018 I joined the gym and simply got started. After 7 years of training, I had cleaned up my diet (minimal UPF's but still indulged occasionally, cut out all added sugars except from sauces and marinades) and didn't count calories at all. I achieved 15-17% bodyfat from my starting point of 25-30% and was physically healthy. However, I was still languishing in self hatred, always hiding myself in a hoodie or baggy clothing and avoiding social situations like the plague. Still masking like I always did. I had now progressed onto having frequent ideations of the unsubscribe-from-life sort. Wrote a will on my phone and practiced dry runs with plastic bags. Started to use alcohol to dull the pain. I had lost almost all interest in the gym, barely getting in two workouts a week. Training for strength, learning powerlifting and seeing my lifts go up was the only thing that kept me from quitting. I still felt ugly and invisible. I was seriously considering going to Korea to get plastic surgery on my face because I felt that ugly. Then one day about 2 months ago, I changed gyms and somehow that triggered my ADHD brain to hyperfocus on fitness for some unknown reason and decided to try to get absolutely diced to the bone shredded as one last hurrah to see how I look before deciding on plastic surgery. And well... after hitting 8-10% bodyfat the experience was absolutely magical. Lifechanging. Heavenly. The newfound pretty privilege I was experiencing for the first time ever in 30 years of life constantly re-cycled my confidence into myself. Being called attractive, being complimented near daily both in and out of the gym by people of all genders. Being treated like an actual human instead of a fly to be swatted away. No longer feeling invisible. More importantly, it taught me that I am not the complete failure that I was thought I was. That I achieved this new body with my own resilience, discipline and long term planning. I went from never styling my hair, neglecting my skincare routine, wearing baggy clothing to now being proud of my entire body; not just my physique but my face and hair. My mental health has skyrockted (even though sometimes the depression returns in short bursts but quickly recovers) because I have this armour of being aesthetic and that no matter what happens- judgement, rejection or whatever, that I still have this body that I built myself. I've started coming out of my shell and I am starting to stop being ashamed of my quirks. I am a raver at heart since age 14 and I love to dance so I've recently been blasting hardstyle at full volume and dancing in between my lifting sets in public. If you have ADHD then you know we can't sit still and love to stim when we have nothing to do and my preferred stim is a dance called the 'muzz' or simply pacing around. They can think i'm weird all they want but I am being myself. I know I still have a LONG way to go before I am internally healed and that my external glow up is only the kickstarter to the more important internal glow up. But I can stand loud and proud that I no longer view myself as a failure. Thank you for reading and may we all heal from our traumas submitted by

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwaway00746272727 My (M33) wife (F27) of 3 years is snapping a male co worker and keeping it from me. I don’t know if I believe her answers. I’m so lost. TRIGGER WARNING: Accusations of infidelity, paranoia Original Post Jan 15, 2020 Can’t be sure my wife is being honest about her male co worker I am an attorney ( M33) and my wife (F 27) is a group fitness instructor at a sort of posh gym. We’ve been together for seven years (married for 3) and I’ve never once questioned her about men or trust. She followed me all through college and law school and we (until last night) have the relationship everyone seems to want. She and I have always been head over heels in love. Our honeymoon phase never really ended. But something happened last night that threw me for a loop and I can’t tell if I’m in my head or if something else is going on. There is a fellow trainer she works with. He’s a decent looking guy. Perhaps you could say he is a knockoff Liam Hemsworth. I always had a somewhat weird feeling but because I always trusted her it was always fleeting. Here are the facts: Last night she left her phone on the couch to go get a water. I was still seated I saw it light up with a Snapchat notification. I had no idea she had downloaded it. It was from the co worker. It was just an emoji of a monkey covering his eyes. It disappeared I said “I didn’t know you snap chat co worker.” She responded that she snaps all of her coworkers. (Lie#1) My gut tells me something so I ask to see it. She reluctantly hands it over and I see in her snap history that she snaps him, her sister, and then the next names were all snaps from like 75 weeks ago. My red flags go off and I start asking questions (very calmly I may add). She responds to everything with “I don’t know.” I ask what is he responding to, she says IDK. I say how often do you snap him, she says IDK. You said you Snapchat your other co workers yet they arent here, what is going on IDK. She is purposely being evasive. (lies lies lies). How do you not know these answers? After more prodding she says he hit on her a month ago and that she shut it down and didn’t tell me because she loves her job and didn’t want to jeopardize it. None of these explanations satisfy me. I’m not a fool. I mean, even if we take everything she says as true, the way I see it is that she is continuing to snap a guy who once hit on her ON A MEDIUM DESIGNED TO DISAPPEAR YOUR COMMUNICATIONS. I left the house and she called me crying and said she was scared and that nothing happened and she should have told me and that she deleted snap chat. She said she loved me with all her heart, that I’m her puzzle piece, and that she would do absolutely anything and everything to make this better. That she is lost without our love etc etc. I can’t get over this. Please offer help and advice. I never thought I would experience this. Thanks TL;DR: my wife is snap chatting a male co worker and I feel certain she is lying to me. RELEVANT COMMENTS finlefree That text exchange between them was a lie, dude. You said that you looked and three only snaps were with him and her sister and the rest were 75 weeks ago. So then how was he responding to something she snapped to her whole class? And if they went through the trouble of making that shit up. It's because the truth is a whole lot worse. You got yourself a cheater, buddy. OOP Context: The “claim” is that the emoji is a response to a story she posted that everyone can see. That story was her posting a video of making the class do 50 burpees. She claims she’s active on Snapchat stories regarding her workout classes. This is a question for anybody: I’m not really sure how Snapchat works, but if he responded to her story, then he would be at the top of her list right? Like I said, the history showed him, her sister, a friend, then it was snaps from weeks and weeks ago. This is not denial this is me giving you (the audience) all information. I’m still not okay with what is happening with her RedSpectrumRays That still doesn’t explain why she wouldn’t answer anything but “I don’t know” to every question you asked her. If it was from just her workout story why did she feel the need to hide it? If it was that innocent I think she would have told you what it was about right away, and to be honest, their convo sounds scripted af to me. OOP I wish I could disagree with you but I can’t ~ gingerlorax The most troubling thing here is your wife's response. "I don't know" to every question is unacceptable and suggests guilt. You should talk to her and ask her why she kept responding with that instead of just answering you honestly. It sounds like she's engaged in a little snap flirting with someone she knows is into her, which may or may not be the end of the world- you have to decide if you consider that cheating or if it's a small indiscretion that you can talk through and move on from. OOP Yea that’s my crossroads. For me it’s the experience of the lack of trust. That’s not concrete infidelity but if I can’t trust you then it’s pretty over for me. Period. UPDATE: we’ve been talking and I’ve illustrated some new boundaries. Even though I won’t babysit her, she volunteered access to all of her accounts and social media etc. I highly doubt I’ll look and I know that if she really was engaging in something she could’ve deleted stuff but it’s a start. Second, she reached out to him and I saw a text exchange with him. Again, I realize this all could have been orchestrated but here’s how it went down. “Why’d your send the monkey?” “I was replying to your story making the class do 50 burpees” “My husband saw it and started asking questions. He’s upset” “Tell him in sorry. I won’t snap you anymore. I’ve always liked him” “I think you shouldn’t talk to me on social media anymore” “I agree. I apologize if I caused any problems” Who knows if I can trust this or not. RELEVANT COMMENTS OOP added in the comments OOP I cannot tell you all how much I appreciate your responses. Thank you. There was an update that I put at the bottom of the original post and would love to get peoples’ thoughts on it. I’m leaning towards a “trust but verify” approach right now. This girl really does love me and if you see my responses to people’s questions, you’ll see that aside from this we have a very affectionate and strong relationship. My trust is shaken and I’m not dumb. I’m going to proceed with sharp eyes and extra caution. Divorce is not easy for legal and emotional reasons and I’m just not ready to go there over this, especially at this point. fat-free-alternative This 'trust but verify' idea is just another way of saying 'don't trust.' Having full access to your partner's social media is a level of surveillance and control typically only found in abusive relationships. I think there's clearly some stuff going on between you two which you need to talk about but I would consider this move far worse than flirting with a coworker. You need to find a way to rebuild trust instead of making trust unnecessary. Otherwise you won't have a relationship with your wife, just a woman in a box. ~ marioray She should be able to pull up the story he was responding too, that doesn’t help a whole lot but it helps a bit. But she already deleted the app. NGL the good thing about Snapchat is that to my knowledge it always keeps how long you’ve been messaging someone. What I mean is, hypothetically (not to get you scared) if this was me, and I wanted to keep talking to this person, I could easily just iMessage or any data oriented app (not regular text since you can find that on a phone bill) and simply delete the messages and that’s probably safer than Snapchat. Snapchat shows how often they talk based on the numbers and emojis next to their name. So even if you don’t see what they are writing (which you wouldn’t see if she deletes them on a regular messaging app) you still see how long and roughly how much they talk (at least in relation to other people on her snap). OOP I saw what she claims was the story. It was a video of her making the class do a bunch of burpees. It was also recorded and posted like an hour before his emoji but I’m still not 100% convinced. She deleted the app so I’m not sure what can be done unless she re downloads it and it keeps that information. Where does it show how often people snap? If what you say is true and redownloading it keeps that info, then this could all be resolved quite easily. UPDATE 2: Tonight I’m going to have her put her money where her mouth is. I have complete access to your stuff? Okay, I’m going to ask her to redownload snap chat. People keep telling me there are lots of emoji types that show up if you frequently snap someone. I’ll open the app and see if any of these appear by his name. Hopefully that’ll resolve some of this crap. If there are fire or heart emojis or whatever then divorce is probably the answer or counseling whatever. If there are no emojis, I can definitely move forward or at least start to. UPDATE 3: she came home last night and I asked her to redownload snap chat and show me his name. She did and there were no emojis by his name but there were emojis by her sisters name. This means she and co worker don’t snap frequently. This issue is not fixed but that is the update right now. Update Jan 19, 2020 (4 days later) First off, thanks to those that gave thoughtful responses, and thanks to those who educated me about snap chat and getting the data exported. I exported the data and it checks out with her story. She and him had barely had contact. Also, I had her redownload (20 hours after his original snap) the app and there were no emojis by his name. I also checked the phone records and she has never called him. We have talked extensively and I’m pretty convinced she felt like something looked bad and sorta shut down when I started asking questions, getting nervous. Hence, the parade of “I don’t know’s.” Her cheating just didn’t add up. She was always affectionate and loving. Plus, and this might be TMI (she had hairy as fuck legs). People when they are cheating or sleeping with someone new tend to exhibit behavior like grooming or making themselves up more than they used to. I seriously doubt she would be sleeping with someone new yet not shave her legs for like awhile. We are both so busy recently we have just been go go go. She works two jobs, and I started work as an attorney just a couple months ago. It’s been hard and we’ve been romantic but sex has been less than normal. We are going on a romantic date this weekend to re-spice things up. Also to those being dicks about me being an attorney, I’m a corporate lawyer. I don’t make a living cross-examining people. Still, I think I handled things quite logically. The main advice I DO wish I took from commenters is that I should have not acted immediately when I saw the snap. It would have been more beneficial (especially if there was cheating) for me to watch and wait and not let her know I noticed something. Sometimes emotions get the better of judgment. Again, thank you to those that gave thoughtful and helpful comments about how to proceed. I’m grateful it was much ado about nothing. Obviously she should’ve told me the guy hit on her in the past but we are working past that. I think if she hadn’t shut down and been elusive with “I don’t knows” this would have been resolved pretty easily. It’s not like I become angry or super interrogative. I asked some questions, and her elusiveness caused things to accelerate. It was a spark that kindled a fire of suspicion. Thanks everyone who is measured in their responses to posts in this community. TL;DR: I checked the records and my wife’s story checks out. No cheating, but we have discussed boundaries about snap chat, being upfront about inappropriate behavior of co workers, and honesty. RELEVANT COMMENTS Aggressivecleaning That's good. Had to laugh at the leg hair comment. I'm a woman, and you're spot on there. collectif-clothing Me too! Woman here. If I'd be getting sexy times with a new guy, I'd DEF be shaving. Otherwise I'd just let that shit grow out if I'm busy nd cover up with pants at work 😂😂😂. OP is spot on. This is a sure sign. Pizzaisbae13 Very true. When I first started dating my boyfriend I red lighted him a few times because I was stubbly (because we were seeing each other impromptu and I had to hurry to get ready), he always laughed it off and assured me as long as I don't look like a Wookie, he does not care. ~ OriginalFraggle Jesus Christ her story was entirely plausible and you went right off the deep end because you're so insecure about yourself. If my partner immediately accused me of cheating or went off the deep end demanding answers if one of my male CO-WORKERS messaged me outside of normal hours we'd have a massive argument about boundaries and control. WHY DID YOU EVEN OPEN THE MESSAGE. That's psycho controlling territory. I would never open my partner's snaps, I might call out and tell him his phone buzzed or have a quick glance at the screen to see if it's his mum but otherwise it's his correspondence. No wonder she didn't want to answer your questions. You say you're in the honeymoon period still but that means you should still trust her right? You still don't sound convinced that your wife is trustworthy and that speaks more about you than about her. & To clarify, the most frustrating thing about your previous post was the endless supply of comments and none of them speaking up for your marriage or your wife OOP We’ve been together for seven years. We don’t just hide shit. Being open books with one another is why my trust was so shaken IN THE MOMENT. We just don’t hide stuff. That’s why the very fact she redownloaded the app and was messaging him raised questions. Her failure in the ability to answer them made suspicions greater. That’s how things escalated. The whole reason for this was that in seven years I’ve never once suspected anything. Ever. This was the first time and considering I never yelled or lost control says magnitudes that I’m not the psycho controlling jealous type. The fact that she was offering to do anything to alleviate the issue I think speaks volumes for the relationship. Don’t be so quick to judge. ~ [deleted] So you conduct surveillance of your wife, admit you found NO evidence she's done anything wrong, and are STILL suspicious and don't trust her. And still blaming her for it even though you "logically" know she didn't do anything wrong. Dude, you need therapy. And stop calling it "her story," because that still shows total distrust. The words you're looking for are "the truth." Perhaps the "parade of 'I don't knows'" is because she was getting interrogated by her husband and knew nothing she said would appease him. Her Snapchatting isn't going to ruin your marriage. Your distrust is. It's poison and it will eat your relationship alive. You can see she did nothing wrong yet you still want access to all her accounts and are very much "babysitting" her, despite your claims to the contrary. That's not a marriage. That's being under surveillance. "I think I handled things quite logically." I hope your logic is a comfort to you when your wife decides she doesn't want to be married to a man who doesn't trust her. "My red flags go off and I start asking questions (very calmly I may add). ...How do you not know these answers?" I don't buy the "very calmly" thing, she wouldn't have been so upset if you were "very calm." Also, if you grabbed her phone before she saw what he was responding to, how the hell was she supposed to know? If my husband asked me how often I text/snap a friend, I'd go, "I don't know" because I don't keep a running tracker of my texts to people (I'm a busy person, I don't have time for that kind of bullshit). Not to mention, she can't control who responds to her stories. You're way overreacting. I've had coworkers message/reply to me on social media when I didn't solicit it. What is she supposed to do? Tell everyone with a penis at her place of employment not to respond to anything she posts? That won't make her job awkward or weird at all. It's going to make all her coworkers think she's an abused woman terrified of you, though. I wonder how far off the mark that is. I've also had coworkers reply with emojis to things I've posted. I've never thought anything of it because I'm not a cheater or a weirdo. Why not just ban her from social media? At least that won't embarrass her in front of her coworkers. "She followed me all through college and law school and we (until last night) have the relationship everyone seems to want.* If your relationship is ruined by some random person commenting a monkey on her Snapchat, your relationship was and is trash. OOP You weren’t there. I was very calm. The convo started with me saying “I didn’t know you had snap chat” and “I didn’t know you Snapchat co worker.” She got nervous and kinda weird which prompted more questions. I’ve never been the jealous type, ever. The fact that my internal red flags went off made me ask more questions. The whole thing would’ve been over with basic honesty. That is how relationships last for the long run. Update: Jesus you guys keep calling either my wife a liar or me a psychopath. I came to reddit for clarity (big mistake). Maybe 5% of the responses were actually responding to and read the actual post. Most probably read parts of it and injected their own stories. I became some weird controlling brute. We are not teens dating. When you’re married and it’s for life, certain things change. For one, privacy is still respected but you don’t get a complete free pass on every single thing. You want your spouse to feel comfortable. If she wants to see my social media or has questions, she can ask and I’ll answer them. You take vows and if you mean them, you devote yourself to making the other spouse comfortable. Like I said in the original. This guy had always giving me a weird feeling but it was fleeting. Now I realize it is probably because my gut knew he was hitting on my wife. So, it was right. Second, if you actually read you’d see that I have never once in seven years questioned my wife about men or asked to see her stuff. So, I get a red flag feeling based on snap chat and I ask some questions and BOOM I’m a psycho with raging trust issues. “Your wife needs to leave you! “You’re emotionally and verbally abuse!” Jesus Reddit. Yes I verified, but Jesus not only did she offer to show me her stuff, but the previous thread was all comments about how the “monkey emoji” means something more and that she’s cheating blah blah blah. Of course I’m going to check to be sure. Marriage is serious. You can’t just “break up.” There are so many things that go into leaving a marriage. You have legal, emotional, and social consequences and it’s much harder and more serious than just breaking off a relationship. I verified, and my wife and I are good now. We are glad we went through this conundrum because it reinforced how much we love one another because she thought she was going to lose and I her, even if it was only for a period of hours. I am GLAD I was wrong, but I am also GLAD I VERIFIED I WAS WRONG. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

January is the month of lies. If you’ve worked in the fitness industry as long as I have, you eventually learn to hate the calendar. January 2nd marks the beginning of the migration of repentant souls. They arrive in schools, wearing lycra clothes that still smell like the store, carrying colorful water bottles, fueled by the fragile determination of someone who spent three weeks stuffing their face with holiday roast and sides and now wants a pop star’s body before Carnival. We call this "Project Summer." I call it "Project Desperation." My name is Danilo. I’m a personal trainer and floor instructor at IronFit 24h, one of those low-cost gym chains that have spread through São Paulo like a fungal plague. Black walls, neon yellow lights, electronic music played too loud, and membership fees that are way too cheap. I work the shift nobody wants: midnight to six in the morning. It’s a lonely shift. The crowd at that hour is usually made up of insomniacs, ER doctors, cops, and a few antisocial meatheads who hate sharing equipment. The sound of weight plates clanking echoes in the empty warehouse like gunshots. The smell is a mix of rubber, citrus disinfectant, and cold sweat. But this specific January, something was different. It started with Mariana. Mariana had been a regular student on my shift for about six months. A nurse, thirty-something, slightly overweight. She was always nice, the type who brings coffee for the instructor and chats about TV shows between sets on the leg press. Her goal was to lose 5kg (about 11 lbs). A healthy, realistic goal. When I came back from my New Year’s break on January 3rd, Mariana was there. It was 3:15 AM. I was at the front desk, fighting off sleep, when she walked in. I almost didn’t recognize her. In less than two weeks, Mariana looked like she had lost 10 or 15 kilos (20-30 lbs). Her workout clothes, once tight, now hung off her body like empty sacks. Her face was gaunt, her cheekbones protruding like blades beneath pale skin. There were deep, purple circles around eyes that looked glazed over, focused on nothing. "Mariana?" I called out, stepping out from behind the counter. "Wow, long time no see. You look... different." She didn’t smile. The old Mariana would have made a joke about cutting carbs. But this Mariana just turned her head slowly in my direction, like a robot with rusted gears. "Need to train," she whispered. Her voice was hoarse, dry. "Sure. But... are you okay? You’re pale." "Spinning Room," she said, ignoring my question. "Kleber said the Spinning Room is closed for maintenance." Kleber was the unit manager. A guy who looked like he was assembled from Lego pieces made of meat and steroids. Teeth too white, a fake orange tan, and an aggressive corporate energy that made me nauseous. He was never at the gym at dawn; his shift was strictly 9-to-5. "Is Kleber here?" I asked, confused. Mariana didn’t answer. She marched toward the back of the gym, where the bike room was located. It was a closed room with soundproofing and glass windows which, I noticed now, had been covered with brown butcher paper from the inside. "Maintenance," read a crooked sign on the door. Mariana typed a code into the keypad on the door. The light turned green. She went in. A blast of hot air escaped the room before the door closed. Hot and humid. And with a strange smell. It didn’t smell like sweat. I went back to the counter, uneasy. Over the next few nights, the pattern repeated. And it got worse. It wasn’t just Mariana. I started noticing a group. There were about ten of them. Men and women, varying ages, but they all shared the same cadaverous aesthetic. Gray skin, sudden and excessive thinness, trembling hands, and that dead-fish stare. They always arrived between 3:00 and 3:30 AM. They didn’t speak to me. They didn’t use their fingerprint at the turnstile (which was against the rules, but the system seemed to release them automatically). They went straight to the Spinning Room, typed in the password, and disappeared inside for exactly one hour. None of them touched the weights. None of them drank water. They walked in, and they crawled out, leaning on the walls, soaked in a sweat that looked oily. I tried to talk to Kleber at the shift change, at 6:00 AM. "Kleber, what’s going on in the bike room?" I asked, grabbing my backpack. "The night crew is using it, but the sign says maintenance. And Mariana... man, she’s sick. She lost weight way too fast." Kleber was drinking his whey protein, scrolling on his phone. He didn’t even look up. "It’s a high-performance group, Danilo. New franchise protocol. Metabolic HIIT. Elite stuff. Don’t worry about it. They pay for a Black Diamond plan." "But they look like crack addicts, Kleber. Seriously. Their skin is melting off. And what is that smell?" Kleber finally looked at me. The white smile vanished. His eyes went cold. "Are you a doctor, Danilo?" "No, I’m a physical trainer." "Then train physiques and leave the management to me. If they get sick, they signed a liability waiver. Your job is to watch the weight room and make sure no one steals the dumbbells. The bike room is rented for a private project. Don’t meddle, stay in your lane." He patted my shoulder. A pat that was a little too hard. " The job market is tough, Danilo. Don’t lose your job over curiosity." I went home, but I couldn’t sleep. The image of Mariana haunted me. I knew what drugs did. I’ve seen people abuse diuretics, T3, Clenbuterol. But this was different. They weren’t just drying out fat. They looked like they were being consumed from the inside out. Last night, I decided I wasn’t going to ignore it anymore. It was 3:40 AM. The "Zombie Group," as I’d mentally nicknamed them, had been inside the Spinning Room for twenty minutes. The gym was empty, except for them and me. I went to the door. I pressed my ear against the glass covered by the brown paper. The soundproofing was good, but not perfect. I could hear the hum of the bikes spinning. But I didn’t hear music. Spinning classes have loud music, shouting, motivation. In there, the only human sound was... moaning. Muffled screams of pain. Crying. And someone vomiting. I tried the handle. Locked. I looked at the keypad. Four digits. I remembered the gym’s anniversary. Nothing. I tried today’s date. Nothing. Then I remembered Kleber’s ego. He had a tattoo on his arm: 1985. The year he was born. I typed 1-9-8-5. The light turned green. I took a deep breath, pulled my shirt up to cover my nose, and opened the door. The heat hit me like a physical punch. The temperature inside must have been bordering on 50°C (122°F). The air was thick, unbreathable, saturated with humidity and that chemical smell of rotten vinegar mixed with boiled meat. The room was dim, lit only by red emergency lights along the baseboards. There were twelve bikes. All occupied. But they weren’t just pedaling. Mariana was on the front bike. Strapped to the machine. There were velcro straps binding her wrists to the handlebars and her feet to the pedals. She was pedaling at a frantic, inhuman pace. Her legs were spinning so fast they were a blur. But she wasn’t doing it voluntarily. Her bike—and the others—were connected to an external motor. The motor was forcing the pedals to turn. If she stopped applying force, her legs would be snapped by the mechanical movement. She had to keep up with the machine’s rhythm to avoid having her bones ground to dust. But the worst part wasn’t the forced movement. The worst part was the masks. Every student was wearing a transparent oxygen mask, connected by tubes that went up to the ceiling, feeding into the AC vents. Inside the masks, a yellowish gas was being pumped in. Mariana looked at me when I entered. Her eyes were red with burst blood vessels. Her skin glistened with sweat, but also with blisters. Small burn blisters covered her arms. She tried to scream, but the mask muffled the sound. She was cooking. Literally. "My God!" I shouted, running to her bike. I tried to undo the velcro. They were locked with industrial zip ties. I looked at the bike’s panel. There was no stop button. The wiring went straight into the wall. The other students didn’t even look at me. Some seemed passed out, heads hanging low, but their legs kept spinning, spinning, spinning, driven by the motor, tearing muscles and ligaments in unconscious bodies. "What the fuck are you doing here?" The voice came from the back of the room, from the shadows. Kleber was there. He was wearing a white hazmat suit and a professional gas mask. He was holding a tablet. "Turn this off!" I screamed, coughing from the heat and the chemical smell. "You’re killing them! Mariana is burning up with fever!" Kleber walked calmly toward me. He looked huge in that suit. "They’re not dying, Danilo. They’re metabolizing. Do you know what DNP is? 2,4-Dinitrophenol?" He pointed to the tubes in the ceiling. "It’s an industrial compound. Used to make explosives in World War I. The workers who handled it lost weight until they vanished. It uncouples oxidative phosphorylation. Basically? It makes the cell stop storing energy and turn everything into heat. Fat turns into fire." "This is poison!" I tried to lunge at him, but the heat was making me dizzy. My legs felt like lead. "It’s efficiency!" Kleber shouted, his voice muffled by the mask. "They signed the contract, Danilo! They wanted to lose 10 kilos in a week. They begged for this. I’m just giving them what they asked for. The gas raises their basal body temperature to 40 degrees. They burn 5,000 calories an hour sitting there. Yes, it’s uncomfortable. Yes, it cooks the internal organs a little bit. But look at her!" He pointed to a woman in the second row. She was skeletal. "She walked in here wearing a size 14 on Monday. Today is Friday and she’s a size 4. Her 'Project Summer' is done. Who cares if she needs dialysis for the rest of her life? She’ll look skinny in a bikini!" "You’re sick!" I tried to punch him. It was a mistake. I had been breathing that toxic air for two minutes. My strength was gone. My punch was slow, pathetic. Kleber just grabbed my arm and shoved me. I fell onto the rubber floor. The floor was hot. It burned my hand. I saw Mariana looking at me. A tear of blood ran down under her mask. She mouthed something. I read her lips: "Kill me." I stood up, stumbling, and ran for the door. I needed to call the police. I needed to get out of that oven. I grabbed the handle. Locked. "The session isn’t over, Danilo," Kleber said, typing something on the tablet. "The locks are automatic. They only open when the thermal cycle ends. Thirty minutes left." I heard a mechanical click come from the ceiling. The hissing of the gas got louder. "And since you’re here... and you’ve seen the franchise’s trade secret... I think you need a workout too. You’ve been looking a little bloated, Danilo. Too much beer over the holidays?" I felt my throat close up. The air was turning yellow. Kleber walked toward me. He wasn’t going to put me on a bike. He didn’t need to. Just being in that room was enough. "DNP in gaseous form is absorbed through the skin and mucous membranes," Kleber explained, as if giving a biomechanics lecture. "Without the mask, you’ll absorb a lethal dose in... let’s say, ten minutes. Your temperature will rise to 42 degrees. Your proteins will denature. Your brain will cook inside your skull. It’s a quick death, but... hot." I ran to the windows covered with brown paper. I pounded on the glass. Double tempered glass. Unbreakable without a hammer. I screamed for help. But who would hear? The gym was empty. The soundproofing was perfect. Kleber sat on a stool in the corner, crossed his legs, and kept monitoring the data on the tablet. "Save your oxygen, Danilo. The more you move, the hotter you get." I felt sweat break out on my forehead. It wasn’t normal sweat. It was a flood. My shirt was soaked in seconds. My heart started beating out of rhythm. I felt a burning in my stomach, as if I had swallowed hot coals. My vision began to blur, yellowing at the edges. I looked at Mariana. She had passed out, but her legs kept spinning, spinning, spinning, driven by the relentless motor. I heard a dry snap — CRACK. Her knee had broken. The bone tore through the skin, white and shiny, but the machine kept forcing her leg to turn, grinding the joint with every rotation. Kleber didn’t even look. I fell to my knees. The floor was boiling. I tried to crawl to the door. My skin was red, throbbing. I could feel my blood bubbling in my veins. It felt like being inside a giant microwave. "Twenty minutes left," Kleber’s voice sounded distant, metallic. "Hang in there. Think of the results. Think about how shredded you’ll look in the coffin." My eyes are swelling. I think my tears are evaporating before they fall. I’m writing this on my phone’s notes app, with fingers slippery from sweat and the grease leaking from my pores. The battery is dying. The phone is overheating too. If anyone finds this phone... if anyone finds what’s left of us... Don’t believe the official report. They’ll say it was a fire. They’ll say it was a short circuit in the sauna. It wasn’t. It was Project Summer. Kleber is standing up now. He’s coming toward me with a syringe. "To speed up the process," he says. I’m so hot. I just wanted the air conditioning to work. Mariana stopped moving. The machine keeps spinning her legs, but her head has fallen back. Her mask is full of black vomit. Kleber is smiling. It’s January. It’s the month of "Project Summer." It’s the month... of lies. submitted by /u/davidherick to r/stories [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/TrainingDistance4448 Originally posted to r/AITAH Previous BoRUs: #1 [New Update]: AITAH for telling a woman at the gym that she's embarrassing herself? NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, obsessive behavior, stalking, racism, falsifying accusations Mood Spoilers: scary and frustrating RECAP Original Post: June 2, 2025 I go to the gym a lot. About sixish months ago I noticed a woman I'll call Andrea. That's not her name, but it will be for the rest of this post. I don't know if Andrea started going to the gym six months ago or if that's just when I noticed her. Full disclosure, I spoke to her first, but I had no way of knowing what the result would be. A lot of the machines at this gym have little entertainment systems attached to them that can access local channels. I got on a treadmill and realized the TV on the treadmill wasn't working. Andrea was walking past and I said "hey, do you know if there's an issue with the cable? This TV isn't working, but I don't know if it's just this one or all of them." She said the same thing happened to her on a different machine. I thanked her. That was the whole interaction. A week later she asked me for some electrolyte powder for her water. I said I didn't have any. She was cool with that and asked me how long I'd been coming to the gym and what I did for work. I answered and returned her questions. She said she was new to the area and worked in private security. We had a few more chill conversations after that. Six weeks ago she asked me out. For reasons I won't get into here, I wasn't interested. I declined. She said not to worry about things being awkward at the gym if we don't work out. I said that wasn't the issue, just not looking to date right now. She kept talking to me, and at first I kept talking to her, but I started to think something might be wrong, and I started avoiding her. Two weeks ago she walked up to me while I was on a machine with only one way to properly dismount that involved stepping into whete she was standing. She asked if I was avoiding her. I said I was and apologized. I said I just don't want to date right now. She said I don't have to avoid her to not date her. I said okay. I kept avoiding her though. Tonight while I was working out she confronted me again about avoiding her. I had a bad day and told her to leave me alone. She asked why I'm being such a prick, and I said because I wanted her to leave me alone. I then said that she was embarrassing herself and needs to stop. She put her foot on top of the weights, and I thought she was going to press down on them, so I let go of the bar very quickly, causing the weights to slam and make a loud noise. Several people looked over. She said "now who's embarrassing himself?" and walked away. Did I go to far by saying that? Do I owe her an apology? Update: I went in early this morning for a run and told the front desk staff about Andrea putting her foot on the weights. They said they would talk to her. Then, after work, I went in again for a regular workout. I was working on my legs when she walked up to my machine. The first thing she did was apologize about the weights. I don't know if someone talked to her or if that was of her own initiative. I accepted her apology and apologized for saying she was embarrassing herself. She said she forgave me, but if I wanted to really make it up to her I could buy her a drink and she would buy me one too to make up for the weights. I said maybe we should buy our own drinks (meaning separately at different places and times) and she misunderstood me and asked when and where. I told her I meant that I didn't want to go out with her. She said this wouldn't be a date but a reset for our friendship. I said I didn't want to be friends. She said I was being a douche and asked what my problem is. I said the weight incident made me uncomfortable, and I would rather us just give each other space. She then asked me if my problem with her is that she's Hispanic. I was so taken aback. I didn't even know she was until she said that. I said no, that she just makes me uncomfortable. She wanted me to explain what about her made me uncomfortable, and I tried to do so, but she argued with every point I made. I got frustrated and told her to just stay away from me. She said fine and that I have a lot of maturing to do. Then she walked away. I'm hoping that's the end of it. Relevant Comments OOP on why he doesn't want to get in a relationship OOP: She's just not my type. Even if she was, I don't want to get into a relationship right now. My last relationship lasted three years, and I need to remember how to be single before I hop right back into another relationship. Commenter 1: "Something might be wrong" what do you mean? OOP: I don't know how to explain it. I almost felt like she was having a completely different conversation with me than I was having with her. She seemed inappropriately enthusiastic. That's the best way I can think to say it. Downvoted Commenter: Dude, she just moved into the area, probably lonely and doesn't know anyone I'm guessing, did she ask you out on like a friend hang out type deal or was it a proper date? OOP: It was a date. She asked me if I wanted to get a drink with her sometime, and when I declined she said I don't need to worry about things being awkward at the gym if we "don't work out" romantically, and I had to decline a second time. Commenter 2: Good for you on taking a breather. NTA by the way. She either has severe mental health issues or hasn't been socialized properly. No "normal" person would ever put you in that position. I make every excuse I can when I'm not interested in someone, but when someone can't take a hint you do eventually have to disregard their feelings. I mean, think about it. She disregarded yours. OOP: That is a good way to think about it. I hadn't considered that part. Thank you. Commenter 3: I wouldn't go to the police RN because you've only just told her to leave you alone. But if gym management doesn't stop it then yeah I would go to the police. Harassment is harassment. If you were a girl and she was a guy who worked in security who also put their foot on your equipment people would be really concerned- rightly so. OOP: That's kind of a different situation. I have at least sixty pounds on her. It's not like she can follow me to my car and beat me up one night. What she did was dangerous and creepy, but what could she really do that's worse? Maybe drop a weight on my toe, but I can't think of anything else. It's not like she knows where I live.   Update #1: June 8, 2025 (six days later) Summary of previous post (skip this paragraph if you read that post): A woman at my gym, Andrea (fake name) asked me out after some normal not at all romantic interactions. I turned her down and shortly after I stated getting a weird vibe from her and started avoiding her. She confronted me about avoiding her twice, and the second time I said she was embarrassing herself, after which she put her foot on the weight stack of the machine I was using, causing me to let go of the bar really quickly and slam the weights. I initially thought I was the asshole for my rude comment, and most posters said I actually under reacted and should talk to gym management, which I did, after which Andrea confronted me again and asked me out again. I turned her down, we argued briefly and she said I needed to grow up. Actual Update: Andrea is banned from the gym! I was running on the treadmill and watching TV. She came up to talk to me, and I ignored her, staring at the TV. She raised her voice and I continued to ignore her. She reached out and pulled the safety tab out of the treadmill (the one you connect to your wrist so the treadmill stops if you fall), causing the treadmill to come to a sudden stop. I tripped and fell onto the controls and TV, scratching my chin on the top of the screen. I went to the front desk with Andrea following me. I told them what she did. She kept trying to interrupt me and talk over me, but the woman at the front desk told her to be quiet and wait her turn. I told her Andrea pulled out the safety tab while I was running and injured me. The woman at the front desk then asked Andrea what happened. Andrea said I was "staring into the middle distance" like I was in some kind of "fuage state" and she thought I was having a medical episode so she pulled the tab. The woman at the front desk asked for her membership card. Andrea didn't want to give it to her, but the woman at the front desk said if she didn't she would ban her. Andrea gave her the card and the woman at the front desk said to leave and she was suspended for a month. Andrea objected and got into an argument with the woman at the front desk that escalated into Andrea calling the woman an N word B word. So she was banned permanently. I hesitate to call that a happy ending because the poor gym employee had to put up with racial harassment, but I won't deny getting to watch her cut up Andrea's membership card felt good. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Still NTA. Andrea proved herself to be crazy, with a side of racist. OOP: And the irony is that SHE accused ME of being racist for not wanting to date her. Commenter 2: I’m guessing she doesn’t get told No very often. I’m glad it had a safe ending OOP: Thank you. I am too. Now that it's all over I'm starting to process it. The whole thing was so crazy. My heart rate is up higher than it ever gets when I run, which is nuts. Commenter 3: Hmm. If you see her again and she acts creepy it’s worthy of reporting to police. Just pay attention to your surroundings in case she stalks you OOP: She's banned from the gym, so I doubt I'll see her again. She doesn't know where I work or live. OOP on his race and Andrea's race OOP: She said she's Hispanic. I'm not going to tell you what race I am. Downvoted Commenter: Seriously, this is honestly your response. If so, you aren’t actually into women. You may not know it yet, but you aren’t. It’s a completely normal question for a person to ask is this crazed psycho who is trying to date you is Hot or not. Every straight male is thinking the exact same thing. OOP: I date women. I recently left a three year relationship with a woman, and she could tell you that I definitely like women. I just don't think women are defined solely by their appearance. I'll give you an example. I have this friend I grew up with. She is objectively very beautiful. Many men (and women) have told her so. While I can see that she is beautiful, the first thing I think when I see her is "that's my friend that I love dearly" not "that's an attractive woman that's probably good at sex." I have never been attracted to her because we treat each other like siblings. Conversely, in this situation, even if Andrea was my type (which she isn't) and I was looking to get into another relationship (which I'm not right now) it still wouldn't matter because her behavior towards me was so off-putting. She could look like Allyson Hannigan (an actress I think is particularly attractive) and it wouldn't matter because I don't date women that put people in physical danger when they're upset. Commenter 4: INFO: Are you okay from the injury? NTA, but just be careful. I’ve had jarring injuries while running from having to unexpectedly stop on a dime, and, while it felt okay at the time, it caused a stability-related injury next workout. OOP: I'm okay. It's just a scratch.   Update #2: June 12, 2025 (four days later) Sorry for the incomprehensible post. I posted this last night when I was drunk. I'll rewrite it to explain what happened. Last night I went to a bar near my apartment to meet up with some friends. The three of us were drinking and having a good time when Andrea walked up. I never saw her enter the bar. I only noticed her when she was in front of us. She greeted me and said it was good to see me and leaned in to try to kiss me. I pushed her away from me and she fell, but one of my friends caught her. She started yelling and asking what the fuck is wrong with me. I told her to stay away from me and not come any closer. She asked if I was embarrassed of her and didn't want my friends to see her. I said this is the third time you've tried to assault me and I want you to stay away from me. At that point the bouncer showed up to ask what was going on. Andrea said I pushed her. I tried to explain that she tried to kiss me and is stalking me, but I was drunk and not doing a great job. My friends also tried to explain that I was innocent, but they were also drunk. Security kicked me out of the bar. My friends walked me home. I am definitely going to try to get a restraining order. This has gone way too far. Top Comments Commenter 1: she is literally stalking you and it's going to just get worse. if she tries to follow you again PLEASE call the police. ask your gym for video footage of andrea purposely sabotaging your workouts, purposely trying to injure you and following you around. this situation is insane and escalating from following you around the gym to full on intruding into your personal life. does she have any of your social media? if so, definitely block her, as clearly she's starting to learn your patterns and outside hobbies. be safe!! Commenter 2: Might be a stretch but you should inform your workplace that you have a woman harassing you in retaliation for being rejected and banned from the gym after she escalated to violent and dangerous behaviour. If she found you in a bar (assuming it wasn’t a coincidence) then she can find out where you work and try to sabotage your job and reputation. And go to the police. Commenter 3: Now that it’s gone beyond the gym, you need to start the process of getting a restraining order. She’s unhinged as fuck, you need to get the law on your side. Go back to the bar on a different night and ask for the manager. Explain the situation and the context - make sure to mention that you’re in the process of taking out a restraining order against her for stalking and harassment. Try and clear your name, you were with friends and a woman walked in and immediately created a scene - but YOU were kicked out?? Nah I’d be fighting that, that’s some bullshit.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Update #3: December 20, 2025 (over six months later) Update: Andrea the Gym Nut I doubt anyone remembers this, and you can check my profile for context if you want, but I saw this subreddit while scrolling and remembered the password for my throwaway account. So if there is anyone out there that has been wondering about Andrea the Gym Nut, here's the answer. I did get a restraining order against Andrea as many suggested. It wasn't super effective. If I saw her and called the police she would usually be gone by the time they arrived. A couple officers gave me a hard time about calling. They thought I was wasting their time because I'm a man and she's a woman. The stress started to impact my job performance. My boss was sympathetic, but my coworkers started to get annoyed with me. Also the fact that Andrea had shown up at work was a huge liability for us. I saw the writing on the wall and knew I was going to be fired soon. I did what I had been putting off for a long time. I moved back home and decided to go back to school. It was hard at first. The situation with "Andrea" was more traumatic than I had been able to acknowledge to myself. I tried therapy, and the first therapist thought my issue was that I was too closed off and didn't want to give what sounded like a nice young woman a chance. So that sucked. I swore off therapy after that, but eventually my friends convinced me to give it another try, and I found a great therapist who has helped me a lot. My family wasn't particularly supportive at first, but they eventually came around (somewhat). My friends have been great this whole time, and they're the only reason I didn't have a meltdown. I also got back together with my high school girlfriend! I know, ironic. That situation isn't all sunshine and roses either right now, but we're working on it. I'll be starting school again at the beginning of the spring semester. All in all, I'm okay. I'm not great, but I'm okay. But who cares about that, right? You guys want to know about Andrea. What happened to Andrea? I have stayed as far away from her as possible, but my more tech savvy friend has been keeping tabs on her online presence in case she posts anything that might mean she's found out where I moved or had plans to do something to me. He usually doesn't update me unless it's something safety critical, but three weeks ago he told me I might feel safer knowing that Andrea is engaged! So she probably won't be stalking me in the future. I am amazed by this turn of events. There really is someone for everyone, even crazy stalkers. So that's the update. No prison for Andrea, only matrimony, which is its own kind of prison, in a way (just kidding). That's all folks! Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I totally remember this post! Wow, I find myself actually feeling bad for the idiot who's engaged to such a psycho. I am really glad, however, that you are doing so well! It's sad that you were forcing that situation, but it seems like it's worked out as well as could possibly be expected and even better! Congratulations and I hope everything continues to go well for you. OOP: Thank you, I appreciate that. It was really rough for a while, but I think I'm coming out of the other end of the tunnel now. As for Andrea's husband-to-be, maybe they're perfect for each other. Who knows? Commenter 2: Man people failed you every step of the way. Happy you got safe honey. OOP: Thanks. They really did! But I learned some important lessons.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

My boyfriend and I have been having some pretty severe trust issues, for context we’re both 24. Over the course of our relationship we’ve both had some slip ups. Last year, he tried kissing one of his girl friends while black out drunk—he apologized profusely, told me he’s an alcoholic, and vowed never to drink again and he’s kept that promise so far. My boyfriend keeps a lot of friends some of which happen to be girls, they aren’t intentionally malicious but they have an incestual friend group where they’re perfectly fine passing each other around. My boyfriend and I are the only monogamous relationship within. I wasn’t friends with his friends prior to dating him. One of his loose friends, Sophie, was always getting invited to the gym by his roommate who was trying to hit. The three of them would work out together all semester long, my boyfriend complained that this girl has bad takes and wasn’t super enjoyable to be around. She ends up making them beaded friendship bracelets and hanging in their room like OnE oF tHe GuYs. There are zero boundaries, she’s changing in their room treating it like a hang out spot and sitting in there when no one is there (it was a dorm so the doors were always unlocked). Semester ends, I come back from college, my boyfriend and I start working out together, and she is never invited to the gym after. A month ago my boyfriend asked me if Sophie could join our gym session. I thought it was fine at the time but while driving over I had this awful nauseous feeling that I had to go get my man. Something about picturing him alone in the gym with another girl made me absolutely ill. She is gorgeous, thin, incredibly rich, exactly my boyfriend’s type, and she puts on this kind quirky demeanor with men but cannot hold conversations with women. While at the gym it was mostly them talking to each other, my boyfriend made an attempt to include me in the conversation but I didn’t know any of the people they were talking about so I didn’t really chime in. What really got me is that when we moved to go lift, they stood in front of me, side by side at the mirror, so my boyfriend could “correct her form”. At the end she had the nerve to ask him if they could workout every week on Mondays at this specific time, and he agreed???!?? Also it was clearly not an invitation for me to tag along, she wants 1 on 1 time with my boyfriend like he’s her personal trainer. After we left the gym I texted him “I don't mean to sound like a bitch but it would make me feel bad and uncomfortable if you continued going to the gym with Sophie alone routinely” he reassured me and said he’d find a way out of it. The next two Mondays roll around and he flakes on her with random excuses, I thought things were fine. A week ago he was scrolling through his text list and I saw a text under her name saying “Needed u for morale”. Instead of confronting my boyfriend about it I decided to snoop on his phone since he keeps telling me he has nothing to hide. I find out that he, in fact, did not “find a way out of it” but instead just hid the fact that he was going with her from me. I found out she had been texting him about her workouts on days they missed, texts are included above. After the most recent one, he went to the gym with her and then immediately came over to decorate my Christmas tree with my family, he had every opportunity to tell he in passing that he went to the gym with her and he didn’t. We spent the night together, had sex, hung out the next day, and still no mention of his gym rendezvous with Sophie. I confronted him about it yesterday and these were his reasons, please tell me if they are bullshit: - he enjoys helping people get acquainted to the gym, has done it with many guy friends - he interpreted my text wrong, he thought “routinely” meant that he just couldn’t go with her every week - he spent most of their time gymming together talking about me - he said he hadn’t gone with her in a month and thought it was okay to start going with her again now that my boundary expired - he didn’t mention it because it was “incredibly mundane” - sometimes he makes plans with his friends, like getting lunch between classes, and doesn’t tell me, so he didn’t feel the need to mention this to me (even after I told him it made me uncomfortable) Anyways I’m really torn up about this. I feel stupid for believing that he would care about my feelings and boundaries. I am so angry and confused. I don’t see why he would put his girl friend above his girlfriend but I don’t even feel justified in my anger because he keeps shutting me down. Anyways AIO submitted by /u/Significant_Hand3348 to r/AIO [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Annual_Razzmatazz_94 Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest I think my husband had an emotional affair, and I'll never know the truth Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: obsessive behavior Mood Spoilers: enraging Original Post: August 31, 2025 A woman, Beth, (30sF) moved in to our estate a few weeks ago. A single mother with split custody with her ex. My husband, Carl, (32M) is the chairperson of our HoA. A week or 2 after moving in, she calls my husband to ask his assistance in mounting her TV on the wall. He goes and helps. A few days later her dishwasher was leaking. He goes and helps. This wasn't a problem for me, as he always helps everyone in the estate with little problems. As the weeks go on, she constantly needs help with things, always calling him for help. He goes. I now started getting annoyed as we haven't been in the best state because I've just had a baby (he's 4 months old) and we've had fights where I felt he wasn't helping me enough. I gave natural birth and am still bleeding now and then and my pelvis is still readjusting. Carl goes over to help Beth (AGAIN, even our neighbors who we are very close with commented that its odd) and offers that we do a lunch or something to welcome her and be friends as she just moved here and doesn't really know anyone. Mind you, he hasn't done this for other people. Lunch happens, and she calls me by the wrong name. I correct her and she's very giggly about it. She seems okay, a bit too over the top in terms of trying to be dominant in a conversation, but I think she's okay. She comes over again one more time for a barbecue a week or two later and outlr close neighbors join. They think she's okay, too. Then that week, while I'm at work, she comes over to say hi to my husband (he works from home, she's a teacher and schools are currently closed). She shows up wearing workout clothes. I got a text from my neighbor that also works from home, saying Beth is there. I leave it, as my husband is very social and we have cameras in the house. The next day, same thing. I mention that I'm glad she's made a friend, my husband agrees and that "she's a cool chick". This happens about 4 more times. I then have to travel for work, 4 days away, and then she came over almost every single day. In workout clothes. One night I watched the cameras, and they were sitting by the table eating together, and I just lost it. My husband is an avid gamer, so he plays games every night, earing dinner by his PC... I always beg him to sit by me and eat with me. He does it maybe once or twice a week. I called my husband after Beth had left and told him that these visits while I'm not home are making me very uncomfortable. Shes been over 3 times while I was home, but constantly there when its just him. He apologized and said he will set boundaries. Great! This discussion was on the Thursday night. Friday morning, Beth rocks up again. I keep my cool, because Carl said he will talk to her. I get home the Friday night and we have the discussion again. We are both calm and all that. Monday morning our baby got sick. Carl takes him to the doctor and tells me that I need to be at home Tuesday and Wednesday because baby can't go to baby school because he is sick. Okay cool, I come home early on Monday and look after baby. Monday afternoon, Beth and her ex have a chat about an offer my hubby had made to the ex about him coming over and also being friends (ex lives in our estate too). Do you think Beth texts my husband about this chat that happemd on the Monday? Nope. I am home Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday morning when I go to the office, Beth rocks up to chat about it. I lost it completely, because now its been a week since I told Carl about my discomfort. We had a very serious discussion that night where I said that if I see her here again when I am not here, I know he has no regard for my feelings. He was adamant about staying friends, and asked for a compromise. I said that the compromise is that she does not come here when i am not here. The next morning he went to go talk to her about it, and apparently she was extremely apologetic, really wanting to be friends with me too... but she almost never came over when I was at home. She hasn't been here since then (2 weeks now) and I have not had a text or whatever from her. He refused to show me the texts with her, and I told him that it will always bug me if he doesn't show me. He said "so be it". I honestly think he was having an emotional affair. But I will never know.... My close neighbor told me about a conversation she had with him while I was at work a few weeks ago; "He told me you were jealous and I said well can you blame her then I said that he drops everything for these woman but doesn't do the same for you. And he said "that's what OP said" then he went silent and changed the subject 🤣🤣". Just needed to vent.. Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: Thats really painful, you are right to feel hurt. Even if not physical, the secrecy and attention he gave her crossed a boundary OOP: He honestly made me feel like I was acting crazy, because he only spoke to her after I went delulu. But thank you Commenter 2: He crossed many boundaries. And this is something that you need to go to couples counseling about. You have every right to be concerned and upset. I would tell him outright that he had an emotional affair. Not only did you see it, but the neighbors saw it. And his lack of being forthcoming and letting you see the text messages is indicative of that and may show there is more than an emotional affair. I would go see an attorney to get you affairs in order in effort to protect yourself and your child. Additionally, I would start sleeping separately for now too. Commenter 3: Your neighbour is a hero. Calling him out for doing things for her and not you. Hopefully with someone else saying it, it actually registers in his truck head. Even if it's not emotional cheating he has no regard for your feelings or helping you out but happy to spend time helping other women. Totally inappropriate.   Update #1: October 8, 2025 (a bit over five weeks later) UPDATE: I think my husband had an emotional affair, and I'll never know the truth Update: I managed to see the messages between them. Nothing of a sexual nature at all, not even flirty. There was a day where he texted her at 07h30, but only texted me at 09h45 after I had sent him a text at 06h50, but that's as bad as it gets... He does not know that I've seen the texts so I've kept it quiet. We had a massive fight a few days after I made the original post, and I told him that I am considering separation. I think that made him realize how serious this all is. It's pretty much a blur, but I've started going to therapy to deal with past traumas and I am on antidepressants. Carl joined me in my last session and I think he realizes what Beth's intentions were, as my male psychologist said that that was very unusual behaviour from her, that "she is a threat and has intentions" Carl and I are doing great now, but the reason why I am posting this update, is to show what Beth said to me after I decided to send her a message to bury the hatchet and move on. These are the texts: Me: Dear Beth, I wanted to share what’s been on my mind. I was genuinely glad when we first met. It felt like I’d found someone new with a similar personality, and I thought there was potential for a real friendship. But as time has passed, I’ve felt hurt and disrespected by some of your choices. As someone who has also experienced betrayal, I would have hoped you’d understand how it came across when you frequently visited my husband while I wasn’t home, yet never came when I was there. You had opportunities to build a friendship with me too. I’ve just had a baby, and during such a vulnerable time it was especially difficult seeing how often you reached out to Carl for help. Certain things, like your son calling him “dada”, crossed lines that made me deeply uncomfortable. I tried to brush off a lot, but when you avoided coming by during the days I was home, only to return the moment I was back at work, it became impossible to ignore. I’ve spoken to Carl about his role in this, but as a woman, I also expected you to recognize when enough was enough. In my position, I believe you would have felt the same way. I’ve acknowledged everything now and I’m moving forward. Whether it was you seeking attention or Carl enjoying it, I was willing to let things go, until both of your actions crossed into what I can only call unacceptable. Beth then sent a long voice note detailing how it wasn’t her intention to hurt me, how she just naturally gravitates towards men, bla blah, and how me being an introvert she just didn’t wanna be in my space, blah blah blah. Then sent “I really like you guys and hope we can still be friends. But In saying that I will respect the boundaries and your wishes.” Me: I appreciate your message Beth: Soooo is that a yes we can be friends? Me: If I'm honest, I still hold a lot of resentment. Mainly because what he was freely giving you, attention and effort, I was begging for and not receiving. He tried his best to reach a compromise with me, telling me that you were over one day to ask advice because you met someone at a bar and wanted his opinion if the guy is interested or not. So I received a lot of mixed stories, because I remember you saying that you're happy being single and not looking. I am working through my emotions, as I have a lot of unresolved trauma, and Carl's constant defending you left a very bad taste in my mouth. I don't know if it would be possible while we are still working on things, as this has caused a very big rift between us. I realized my mistake here when I gave her a good feeling because my husband defended her. The next part she sent a bunch of texts. Beth: Carl defended me because he wanted you to realize him and I are good friends Beth: I don’t want to be that person but I do think you need to take a step back and also put yourself in our shoes. Beth: You have a good husband who loves you and your son and wants yo build a beautiful life with you guys but you can't allow insecurities or misunderstandings to interfere with that. Beth: Work on things that's fine but dont push someone away that is wanting to be both your friends. Beth: Take time to think. I won't push it. Beth: What i mean by this is to trust your husband. He is incredibly loyal to you. But he is a social, helpful person who gets along with women as his friends and you need to accept that and trust that there is no ill intentions and he is genuinely just building friendships. She literally sent this in a space of 6 minutes. Me: Sure, I'll put myself in your shoes. Visiting a man only when his wife isn't home. Constantly asking him for help with menial things around the house. I reached out to bury the hatchet. And then you spit out about i mustn't let my insecurities get in the way of someone's blatant disrespectful actions?? LOL! And again, I don't care who he is friends with. Whether its a penis or a vagina. I'm not jealous by nature, as hes had dinner with exes, we've had threesomes and we constantly comment on women that we see in public. But when something makes me uncomfortable and I ask that the visits while I'm away stop, then I'm insecure? Thanks Beth: No OP. That's not what I am saying. I was trying to get you to understand that you have a loving and loyal husband and need to allow him to be friends with others. I did explain to you from my side why I did visit when you weren't there and still did say I will respect you boundaries moving forward but would really like to maintain our friendship Me: He can be friends with whoever the fuck he wants to. I didn't tell him to cut you off. I only asked that you not visit when I'm not here. That's it. If he ended the friendship, that was him. Your blatant disrespect now honestly killed any chances. I said to you that its not a good idea now while we work on things. And you decided that your fucking opinion mattered. If I made a mistake, I would never put the blame on the other woman, blaming her insecurities and saying she must let her husband be friends with other women. Shame on you Beth: I will give you time.😘. Me: There's nothing to think about. You showed exactly who you are, your narcissistic need for attention led you to overstep. Whatever place you imagined you had in Carl's life doesn't exist. He even sees how disrespectful and unacceptable your behaviour was. All of us have lost every ounce of respect for you. Enjoy the life you've made for yourself. I then blocked her. My husband was appalled by her behaviour and said that it’s completely unacceptable. He did not text her to say that, but he did decide that cutting her off was the only option. He promised he would tell me if she texted him, and he hasn’t said anything, so I am trusting him. She has moved out of the estate and is no longer part of our lives. I wish I could’ve given her a proper send off... a glitter bomb or raw fish down her car vents, but I was too preoccupied with work and my baby. We are doing much better, and he sees how much his actions have hurt me. He is making more of an effort to make me feel better and happy and secure in our marriage. Thanks for reading. Top Comments Commenter 1: WHY are you telling this potential homewrecker all your personal information???? Stop texting her! You’re just giving her the upper hand here. Spilling the beans on every facet of your relationship with your husband. STOP. I don’t think this is the end of it. He’s telling you what you want to hear, she’s telling you things about your husband as if you don’t know him. He’ll be loving it. This is going one way and I hope you see it and take control before they manipulate you further. Commenter 2: While it may have been cathartic OP you have her so much information/ammo to use about your relationship. And the way she’s acting it seems your husband painted a very different picture of things to give her the impression this was acceptable behavior. I hope things work out between you and your husband though. Commenter 3: You told her way too much. When she asks if you can still be friends say “No”. Don’t blurt out more of your personal information. It gives her ammunition to argue. Commenter 4: There is power in silence, just saying, You should have never texted her in the first place. Don't let people who are trying to get between you know that anything they have done has any power in your relationship.   Update #2: October 8, 2025 (same post, 12 hours later) NEW UPDATE: Hi All, I've read through all the comments and did some thinking. I realize that I stuck my whole damn leg in my mouth, but I was so caught up in the heat of the moments. I guess it was a mix of me being on new medication, anger that my husband would not just tell her to fuck off, and me trying to set the picture of me not being anything close to jealous. I realize my mistake, and it is what it is. To those saying fake, I don't really care, that's why I posted on a venting sub. Even though things are going better now, and we are in therapy, I still hold resentment because he outright refused to block her while she lived in the estate, saying "What if there's an emergency? I can't block a tenant." and he refused to call her out on her behaviour because "he doesn't want drama". I respect his decision, but it still hurts. We've been together for nearly 10 years and I tell him that sometimes I feel he cares about other people's emotions more than mine. I pretty much am just keeping a low profile now, spending time with my son and trying to focus on the happiness that I do have. Whatever decisions he makes now going forward, I will address it when it happens. I was not in a good mental space when this whole thing happened, am I am growing as a person and learning to control my emotions. Also to control what I just blurt out when I am upset. Thank you for everyone's input. It's not healthy for me to keep dwelling on this. I am moving on now. Whether my husband wants to move on with me, or keep to his old ways... I'll cross that bridge when I get there. And I have a plan for IF things do go sideways. Thank you all.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

EDIT Here are answers to common questions I am seeing: Does my workout/diet interfere with time with my family? No, it does not. I wake up early before anyone else is awake and workout in the garage. The only time I go to the gym is on my lunch break at work. I would not be able to leave the office early if I did not workout at lunch. My meal prep happens on Sunday when the family is at church (I would not be going to church with them even if I was not meal prepping). I shop for the whole house for groceries for the week and then make a big batch of chicken thighs, big batch of chicken legs, and a big batch of chickpea salad, and then vacuum seal and put into the freezer in the garage. Do you cook for your family? Yes, I cook 100% of at home dinners for my wife and son. I make them whatever my wife wants. I will warm up my food in the microwave and eat with them. Does your wife get time to herself? Yes, my son is in daycare. That started in June. Prior to that, he was at home with my wife and did a mother's day out. Additionally, both our moms are retired and love to be with our son whenever they can, so she would regularly drop him off. Additionally, in the evenings during the week, after dinner, I am solely responsible for the kid until I go to bed at 10:30. I am also solely responsible for him on Saturday mornings. And if I am not working, I will be with our son whenever she needs/wants. Spending time with the little guy is incredibly fun for me. Do you spend time with just you and your wife? Yes, we have weekly date night on Saturday and usually do something just us on Sunday. We also spend an hour or two Monday-Friday together. Do you do chores? Yes, they include mopping, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms every other week, all yard-related tasks, doing any poopy/pee laundry for my son, doing all my own laundry, woring with my son to straighten up his room before bed, and maintaining my areas of the house (namely my section of the bedroom). This is a throwaway account My wife (Jen) and I went to the same college. We met at the beginning of her freshman year (my sophomore year) in Fall 2017. I was an offensive tackle on the football team, as such, I was always a large guy. Jen was a small girl with an hourglass figure who guys on campus would pretty brazenly check out whenever she went anywhere. We started dating pretty quickly and dated on and off over the next 2 1/2 years. When COVID shutdowns hit, we were living together. Jen got pregnant during the shutdowns. At that time, I was weighing about 350 lbs. I had some pretty significant back and knee problems. I decided I needed to make a change because I wanted to be an active and involved father. At first, Jen was supportive. I changed my diet (no fried food, sweets, or soft drinks). I increased my workout routine. The weight pretty quickly started coming off. By the time my son was born in early 2021, I was down to 310 (about the weight I was when Jen and I started dating). We got married in the Summer of 2021. I decided I wanted to keep losing weight. I was motivated, feeling great, and wanted to get to about 200-210. Jen became less supportive, but she was not hostile towards my goal. I did my best to structure my workout routine to decrease the amount of time I was away from home. I started going to the gym during my lunch breaks from work and made a little area in the garage for me to do my cardio in the morning. I made all of my own meals. Outside of her concerns about my weight loss, our marriage seemed good. I was in individual counseling and had suggested couples counseling, but Jen was not open to the idea. We were both enjoying our little family life with our son. We decided to try for a second child. Jen is currently six months pregnant. Since getting pregnant, Jen has become very hostile towards my diet and workout routine. It has mostly consisted of digs and passive-aggressive remarks about my working out and about my body. About two months ago was her 25th birthday. We got dressed up and went out to a nice dinner. The evening seemed to be going well until she went to the bathroom. When she came back, her demeanor had changed completely (I recently learned she had overheard some women in the bathroom commenting on how "cute" I was). Her overt hostility towards me working out has increased dramatically. The thing that is making me leave is that there is a fridge in the garage where I store my pre-made meals. I will make meals for two weeks, store/freeze them there, defrost, and then warm them up for meal time. I had just done two weeks' worth of meals, and she threw out the meals. I told her I was disgusted and done. This happened about six weeks ago. She has since come to me and tried to offer an explanation. Except that her explanation has made it worse. She is jealous because she used to get all this attention from other men, while I got no attention from other women and now, I get attention from other women and she gets no attention from other men. I asked her why she would even want attention from other men, and she could not explain it beyond, "it makes her feel good." I asked her how she would feel if I told her that I workout because I wanted attention from other women? She said she would assume I was cheating. She said she is willing to do counseling now. She had repeatedly tried to initiate sex and I have blocked those advances. AITA because I want to leave? submitted by /u/PictureDry6904 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/iamplayingfavorites Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole AITA for shutting someone down when they tried to talk to me at the gym? Trigger Warnings: harassment, invasion of privacy Original Post: June 23, 2025 So, for context, I (F32) don’t talk to anyone at my gym outside of saying hi and bye to the people who work there, and having polite etiquette when asking someone if they’re using something/saying thank you when they’re done. This is partially for efficiency, but mostly because I go to the gym stoned AF and I’m in my zone and I don’t want to talk to anyone. Last week, after my work out, I walked over to the food carts by my gym to pick up tacos. While I was there, some guy (M40+) stopped me and said he went to the same gym. I had never noticed him before but he like insisted on walking with me and was talking to me. I was kind of annoyed — just because you see me on the street with my headphones out doesn’t mean it’s an invitation to talk to me. I made small talk and tried to be polite. Got out as quick as I could. So the other day, when I’m at the gym foam rolling out with my headphones in, this guy just beelines to me while I’m trying to avoid eye contact, and squats down next to me to say hi and give me a fist bump. I give him a quick heads up acknowledge him but ignore the fist bump. Avoid eye contact the rest of the time I’m there. And then today, this guy comes into the gym and sees me. I immediately avoid eye contact and he doesn’t come up to me, so I think he gets the picture. But then, when I’m doing leg lifts, he comes over and tries to give me a fist bump. So I take out my headphone and I say “Look man, I don’t want to do this. I’m here to work out, I’m not here to make friends. I don’t want to talk to you, okay.” And he starts to say “I was just saying hi.” And I respond with “Yeah, I get it. Please don’t.” And put my headphone back in and kept working out. I realize anyone who saw this probably thought I was a giant AH. But, I don’t think someone’s need for connection overrides my need to have a good workout. So, AITAH? Verdict: Not the Asshole Relevant Comments Commenter 1: NTA, sounds like your usual type who thinks gyms are a place to pick people up and not in fact a place to work out. I do find it weird that you go to the gym stoned though, kind of like going to the pub first for a few beers. Downvoted Commenter: Yeah using gym equipment, especially weights, when you're on drugs seems crazy dangerous. OOP: I literally started going to the gym 15 years ago because I started getting stoned and listening to music. It’s my happy place and helps me focus on my breathing. But, yeah, I’ve gotten that reaction to it a lot! Commenter 2:NTA. Coming from a father, I hope my daughter has the boundaries you do when she’s grown. You don’t owe anyone your attention. You rock though! OOP: Coming from someone who lost their father young, this comment means the world to me. Happy belated Father’s Day! Commenter 3: Sometimes I think a gym should have wrist bands: one for those who want to socialize, another for those that want no interaction. Take the guess work out of who wants to be chatty? OOP: Love this idea, honestly! Downvoted Commenter: How do you feel about yourself? Probably not great, right? :/ OOP: Actually I feel great about setting boundaries. I finished my work out on a great note   UPDATE #1: (On the same post, same day, hours later For people saying this would have been different if he was an attractive guy. I stumble and get awkward no matter who it is if the conversation needs to go beyond more than a single question and response. Men, women, children. This isn’t a “want it” or “don’t want it” situation as much as it’s a “I’m not in a headspace where I can have human conversation.” For people saying this is the same type of person who wonders why guys don’t ask them out: I keep a little post it note in my gym bag that says “Hi, my name is (name). I think you’re cute, but I want to respect your gym time. Text me if you want to get coffee sometime.” I’ve never given it to anyone, but it’s there if I ever feel like I need it. Anyway, I’m at work. Hope everyone has a great day!   Final Update posted June 24, 2025/Same Post FINAL UPDATE: Wow. While I figured posting this might be a little divisive, I didn’t expect it to blow up like this. I went to the gym today and had one of the best workouts I’ve had in a long time — partly because I was fueled by the overwhelming support I received from people who understood the importance of asserting boundaries. So thank you to everyone who saw where I was coming from. For anyone who still thinks I’m the AH — I can live with that. But before I go, I want to share something that happened to me a couple of months ago. Maybe it’ll give you something to chew on. I was at the same gym, in the middle of isolated bicep curls. End of the rep, second-to-last set to failure. I was slowing the movement, fully concentrated, eyes closed. When I opened them — a stranger’s face was three inches from mine. Startled, I set the weight down and looked over to see a plump, middle-aged man in a baseball cap. I took out one of my headphones, still in shock, and all I could say was, “What the f***?!” He then grabbed my arms and forced them back onto the machine’s handles, saying “One more!” I pulled away and snapped, “Who the f*** do you think you are?” His face fell as he muttered, “I was just admiring your work.” I told him, “I’m in the middle of a f*ing set.” He got defensive, saying, “Actually, I wanted to use that.” I replied, “You can use it when I’m not in the middle of a set.” He rolled his eyes and walked off. I was left shaking. As I started to put my headphone back in, another man approached and waved. I took it back out, and he said, “You really shouldn’t have to put up with that.” I smiled and said thanks. He walked away. I got back to my set. Additional Comment from OOP responding to a comment about men invading her personal space OOP: I responded to someone’s message, and I think my response still fits your comment pretty well: Hi there. You sending your response here is fine. I haven’t responded to any others, but I can tell you took the time to put your position into words, and I want to honor that. To preface this, I’d like to say I am also a manager and have worked customer service my whole life. I have also navigated difficult (and sometimes scary) interactions between my employees/coworkers and customers. For multiple reasons, not least of all protecting the company from legal threats, deescalation and reporting that behavior is always the best route when we’re at work. First and foremost, I’d like to say that I would never expect a stranger to risk being stabbed or shot by standing up for someone else. The way these incidents play out are hugely influenced by set and setting, and I don’t think there’s a one size fits all solution on what someone should do. That being said, my situation took place in a gym: a public place that requires a membership, where people are generally dressed down, and weapons are prohibited. Your statement “My life isn’t worth making you feel like society is healing, or that those people are getting the justice they deserve.” is absolutely fair in a blanket statement — especially if that situation took place on the street or in an alley at night. But, in a gym where those possible dangers are drastically reduced, it feels like you’re both defending your inaction while hyperbolizing what I’m asking for. When I envision what I wish someone would have done, it’s not marching up and telling the dude off until he walks away from me. I just wish someone within that 6 foot radius would have taken out a headphone and said “Dude, WTF?” instead of staring at us watching it happen. I didn’t need a knight in shining armor, just a little backup so it’s not 1 v 1. It’s sad, but men like the one who put his hands on me generally back off the second they see another man involved. I’m not asking you to prove to me that society is healing or someone is getting justice. I’m just asking you to be a bro and back me up as I defend myself. I’m out here standing up for myself and trying to be the change I want to see in the world. Not to prove that society is healing, but just because I know it’s the right thing to do. The gym is my space just as much as it is anyone else who pays for it, and I’m not going to be scared or intimidated out of my happy place. I understand that you feel you’ve done your part, and since I don’t know you at all, I really am not one to say either way. But, just based on what you’ve said in your message, I would like to recommend something to you. There’s a comedian named Daniel Sloss who has a special on Max called “X”. It’s hilarious and it’s something I wish I could convince every man to watch. Every person, male and female, that I have shown it to have loved it. If you get the opportunity, I highly recommend. Cheers and have a great day, man! ⸻ Now here’s what I’ll say: Baseball Cap Guy was way more out of line than the guy who approached me at the food carts — even by the third time, when I finally snapped at him. I reported that incident to the gym manager. They took it seriously, walked through the whole event with me, and I gave the best description I could. I haven’t seen that man since. Whether he was banned or just stopped showing up, I don’t know. As for the guy from the food carts — he hasn’t approached me again. We’ve been in the same space at the gym a couple times, but I’m very good at pretending people don’t exist during workouts. I appreciate that he respected my boundaries. I see no reason to report him. ⸻ But here’s what I want to leave you with: The man who approached me right after that first incident — the one who said I shouldn’t have to put up with it — Why did he say that to me, instead of to him? Why is it easier to comfort a woman in distress than it is to call out the man who caused it? I do think he meant well. I appreciated it in the moment. But I still have to ask: When given the choice between verbally comforting a woman and actually intervening — Why do so many men choose comfort over protection? Why is it harder to confront predatory behavior than it is to empathize with its aftermath? That’s all I have to say. This will be my final update.   Editor’s note: marking this concluded per OOP as there would be no further updates   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

So, for context, I (F32) don’t talk to anyone at my gym outside of saying hi and bye to the people who work there, and having polite etiquette when asking someone if they’re using something/saying thank you when they’re done. This is partially for efficiency, but mostly because I go to the gym stoned AF and I’m in my zone and I don’t want to talk to anyone. Last week, after my work out, I walked over to the food carts by my gym to pick up tacos. While I was there, some guy (M40+) stopped me and said he went to the same gym. I had never noticed him before but he like insisted on walking with me and was talking to me. I was kind of annoyed — just because you see me on the street with my headphones out doesn’t mean it’s an invitation to talk to me. I made small talk and tried to be polite. Got out as quick as I could. So the other day, when I’m at the gym foam rolling out with my headphones in, this guy just beelines to me while I’m trying to avoid eye contact, and squats down next to me to say hi and give me a fist bump. I give him a quick heads up acknowledge him but ignore the fist bump. Avoid eye contact the rest of the time I’m there. And then today, this guy comes into the gym and sees me. I immediately avoid eye contact and he doesn’t come up to me, so I think he gets the picture. But then, when I’m doing leg lifts, he comes over and tries to give me a fist bump. So I take out my headphone and I say “Look man, I don’t want to do this. I’m here to work out, I’m not here to make friends. I don’t want to talk to you, okay.” And he starts to say “I was just saying hi.” And I respond with “Yeah, I get it. Please don’t.” And put my headphone back in and kept working out. I realize anyone who saw this probably thought I was a giant AH. But, I don’t think someone’s need for connection overrides my need to have a good workout. So, AITAH? UPDATE: For people saying this would have been different if he was an attractive guy. I stumble and get awkward no matter who it is if the conversation needs to go beyond more than a single question and response. Men, women, children. This isn’t a “want it” or “don’t want it” situation as much as it’s a “I’m not in a headspace where I can have human conversation.” For people saying this is the same type of person who wonders why guys don’t ask them out: I keep a little post it note in my gym bag that says “Hi, my name is (name). I think you’re cute, but I want to respect your gym time. Text me if you want to get coffee sometime.” I’ve never given it to anyone, but it’s there if I ever feel like I need it. Anyway, I’m at work. Hope everyone has a great day! FINAL UPDATE: Wow. While I figured posting this might be a little divisive, I didn’t expect it to blow up like this. I went to the gym today and had one of the best workouts I’ve had in a long time — partly because I was fueled by the overwhelming support I received from people who understood the importance of asserting boundaries. So thank you to everyone who saw where I was coming from. For anyone who still thinks I’m the AH — I can live with that. But before I go, I want to share something that happened to me a couple of months ago. Maybe it’ll give you something to chew on. I was at the same gym, in the middle of isolated bicep curls. End of the rep, second-to-last set to failure. I was slowing the movement, fully concentrated, eyes closed. When I opened them — a stranger’s face was three inches from mine. Startled, I set the weight down and looked over to see a plump, middle-aged man in a baseball cap. I took out one of my headphones, still in shock, and all I could say was, “What the f***?!” He then grabbed my arms and forced them back onto the machine’s handles, saying “One more!” I pulled away and snapped, “Who the f*** do you think you are?” His face fell as he muttered, “I was just admiring your work.” I told him, “I’m in the middle of a f*ing set.” He got defensive, saying, “Actually, I wanted to use that.” I replied, “You can use it when I’m not in the middle of a set.” He rolled his eyes and walked off. I was left shaking. As I started to put my headphone back in, another man approached and waved. I took it back out, and he said, “You really shouldn’t have to put up with that.” I smiled and said thanks. He walked away. I got back to my set. ⸻ Now here’s what I’ll say: Baseball Cap Guy was way more out of line than the guy who approached me at the food carts — even by the third time, when I finally snapped at him. I reported that incident to the gym manager. They took it seriously, walked through the whole event with me, and I gave the best description I could. I haven’t seen that man since. Whether he was banned or just stopped showing up, I don’t know. As for the guy from the food carts — he hasn’t approached me again. We’ve been in the same space at the gym a couple times, but I’m very good at pretending people don’t exist during workouts. I appreciate that he respected my boundaries. I see no reason to report him. ⸻ But here’s what I want to leave you with: The man who approached me right after that first incident — the one who said I shouldn’t have to put up with it — Why did he say that to me, instead of to him? Why is it easier to comfort a woman in distress than it is to call out the man who caused it? I do think he meant well. I appreciated it in the moment. But I still have to ask: When given the choice between verbally comforting a woman and actually intervening — Why do so many men choose comfort over protection? Why is it harder to confront predatory behavior than it is to empathize with its aftermath? That’s all I have to say. This will be my final update. submitted by /u/iamplayingfavorites to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/TrainingDistance4448 Originally posted to r/AITAH AITAH for telling a woman at the gym that she's embarrassing herself? Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, obsessive behavior, stalking, racism, falsifying accusations Mood Spoilers: scary and frustrating Original Post: June 2, 2025 I go to the gym a lot. About sixish months ago I noticed a woman I'll call Andrea. That's not her name, but it will be for the rest of this post. I don't know if Andrea started going to the gym six months ago or if that's just when I noticed her. Full disclosure, I spoke to her first, but I had no way of knowing what the result would be. A lot of the machines at this gym have little entertainment systems attached to them that can access local channels. I got on a treadmill and realized the TV on the treadmill wasn't working. Andrea was walking past and I said "hey, do you know if there's an issue with the cable? This TV isn't working, but I don't know if it's just this one or all of them." She said the same thing happened to her on a different machine. I thanked her. That was the whole interaction. A week later she asked me for some electrolyte powder for her water. I said I didn't have any. She was cool with that and asked me how long I'd been coming to the gym and what I did for work. I answered and returned her questions. She said she was new to the area and worked in private security. We had a few more chill conversations after that. Six weeks ago she asked me out. For reasons I won't get into here, I wasn't interested. I declined. She said not to worry about things being awkward at the gym if we don't work out. I said that wasn't the issue, just not looking to date right now. She kept talking to me, and at first I kept talking to her, but I started to think something might be wrong, and I started avoiding her. Two weeks ago she walked up to me while I was on a machine with only one way to properly dismount that involved stepping into whete she was standing. She asked if I was avoiding her. I said I was and apologized. I said I just don't want to date right now. She said I don't have to avoid her to not date her. I said okay. I kept avoiding her though. Tonight while I was working out she confronted me again about avoiding her. I had a bad day and told her to leave me alone. She asked why I'm being such a prick, and I said because I wanted her to leave me alone. I then said that she was embarrassing herself and needs to stop. She put her foot on top of the weights, and I thought she was going to press down on them, so I let go of the bar very quickly, causing the weights to slam and make a loud noise. Several people looked over. She said "now who's embarrassing himself?" and walked away. Did I go to far by saying that? Do I owe her an apology? Update: I went in early this morning for a run and told the front desk staff about Andrea putting her foot on the weights. They said they would talk to her. Then, after work, I went in again for a regular workout. I was working on my legs when she walked up to my machine. The first thing she did was apologize about the weights. I don't know if someone talked to her or if that was of her own initiative. I accepted her apology and apologized for saying she was embarrassing herself. She said she forgave me, but if I wanted to really make it up to her I could buy her a drink and she would buy me one too to make up for the weights. I said maybe we should buy our own drinks (meaning separately at different places and times) and she misunderstood me and asked when and where. I told her I meant that I didn't want to go out with her. She said this wouldn't be a date but a reset for our friendship. I said I didn't want to be friends. She said I was being a douche and asked what my problem is. I said the weight incident made me uncomfortable, and I would rather us just give each other space. She then asked me if my problem with her is that she's Hispanic. I was so taken aback. I didn't even know she was until she said that. I said no, that she just makes me uncomfortable. She wanted me to explain what about her made me uncomfortable, and I tried to do so, but she argued with every point I made. I got frustrated and told her to just stay away from me. She said fine and that I have a lot of maturing to do. Then she walked away. I'm hoping that's the end of it. Relevant Comments OOP on why he doesn't want to get in a relationship OOP: She's just not my type. Even if she was, I don't want to get into a relationship right now. My last relationship lasted three years, and I need to remember how to be single before I hop right back into another relationship. Commenter 1: "Something might be wrong" what do you mean? OOP: I don't know how to explain it. I almost felt like she was having a completely different conversation with me than I was having with her. She seemed inappropriately enthusiastic. That's the best way I can think to say it. Downvoted Commenter: Dude, she just moved into the area, probably lonely and doesn't know anyone I'm guessing, did she ask you out on like a friend hang out type deal or was it a proper date? OOP: It was a date. She asked me if I wanted to get a drink with her sometime, and when I declined she said I don't need to worry about things being awkward at the gym if we "don't work out" romantically, and I had to decline a second time. Commenter 2: Good for you on taking a breather. NTA by the way. She either has severe mental health issues or hasn't been socialized properly. No "normal" person would ever put you in that position. I make every excuse I can when I'm not interested in someone, but when someone can't take a hint you do eventually have to disregard their feelings. I mean, think about it. She disregarded yours. OOP: That is a good way to think about it. I hadn't considered that part. Thank you. Commenter 3: I wouldn't go to the police RN because you've only just told her to leave you alone. But if gym management doesn't stop it then yeah I would go to the police. Harassment is harassment. If you were a girl and she was a guy who worked in security who also put their foot on your equipment people would be really concerned- rightly so. OOP: That's kind of a different situation. I have at least sixty pounds on her. It's not like she can follow me to my car and beat me up one night. What she did was dangerous and creepy, but what could she really do that's worse? Maybe drop a weight on my toe, but I can't think of anything else. It's not like she knows where I live.   Update: June 8, 2025 (six days later) Summary of previous post (skip this paragraph if you read that post): A woman at my gym, Andrea (fake name) asked me out after some normal not at all romantic interactions. I turned her down and shortly after I stated getting a weird vibe from her and started avoiding her. She confronted me about avoiding her twice, and the second time I said she was embarrassing herself, after which she put her foot on the weight stack of the machine I was using, causing me to let go of the bar really quickly and slam the weights. I initially thought I was the asshole for my rude comment, and most posters said I actually under reacted and should talk to gym management, which I did, after which Andrea confronted me again and asked me out again. I turned her down, we argued briefly and she said I needed to grow up. Actual Update: Andrea is banned from the gym! I was running on the treadmill and watching TV. She came up to talk to me, and I ignored her, staring at the TV. She raised her voice and I continued to ignore her. She reached out and pulled the safety tab out of the treadmill (the one you connect to your wrist so the treadmill stops if you fall), causing the treadmill to come to a sudden stop. I tripped and fell onto the controls and TV, scratching my chin on the top of the screen. I went to the front desk with Andrea following me. I told them what she did. She kept trying to interrupt me and talk over me, but the woman at the front desk told her to be quiet and wait her turn. I told her Andrea pulled out the safety tab while I was running and injured me. The woman at the front desk then asked Andrea what happened. Andrea said I was "staring into the middle distance" like I was in some kind of "fuage state" and she thought I was having a medical episode so she pulled the tab. The woman at the front desk asked for her membership card. Andrea didn't want to give it to her, but the woman at the front desk said if she didn't she would ban her. Andrea gave her the card and the woman at the front desk said to leave and she was suspended for a month. Andrea objected and got into an argument with the woman at the front desk that escalated into Andrea calling the woman an N word B word. So she was banned permanently. I hesitate to call that a happy ending because the poor gym employee had to put up with racial harassment, but I won't deny getting to watch her cut up Andrea's membership card felt good. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Still NTA. Andrea proved herself to be crazy, with a side of racist. OOP: And the irony is that SHE accused ME of being racist for not wanting to date her. Commenter 2: I’m guessing she doesn’t get told No very often. I’m glad it had a safe ending OOP: Thank you. I am too. Now that it's all over I'm starting to process it. The whole thing was so crazy. My heart rate is up higher than it ever gets when I run, which is nuts. Commenter 3: Hmm. If you see her again and she acts creepy it’s worthy of reporting to police. Just pay attention to your surroundings in case she stalks you OOP: She's banned from the gym, so I doubt I'll see her again. She doesn't know where I work or live. OOP on his race and Andrea's race OOP: She said she's Hispanic. I'm not going to tell you what race I am. Downvoted Commenter: Seriously, this is honestly your response. If so, you aren’t actually into women. You may not know it yet, but you aren’t. It’s a completely normal question for a person to ask is this crazed psycho who is trying to date you is Hot or not. Every straight male is thinking the exact same thing. OOP: I date women. I recently left a three year relationship with a woman, and she could tell you that I definitely like women. I just don't think women are defined solely by their appearance. I'll give you an example. I have this friend I grew up with. She is objectively very beautiful. Many men (and women) have told her so. While I can see that she is beautiful, the first thing I think when I see her is "that's my friend that I love dearly" not "that's an attractive woman that's probably good at sex." I have never been attracted to her because we treat each other like siblings. Conversely, in this situation, even if Andrea was my type (which she isn't) and I was looking to get into another relationship (which I'm not right now) it still wouldn't matter because her behavior towards me was so off-putting. She could look like Allyson Hannigan (an actress I think is particularly attractive) and it wouldn't matter because I don't date women that put people in physical danger when they're upset. Commenter 4: INFO: Are you okay from the injury? NTA, but just be careful. I’ve had jarring injuries while running from having to unexpectedly stop on a dime, and, while it felt okay at the time, it caused a stability-related injury next workout. OOP: I'm okay. It's just a scratch.   Update: Andrea the gym nut: June 12, 2025 (four days later) Sorry for the incomprehensible post. I posted this last night when I was drunk. I'll rewrite it to explain what happened. Last night I went to a bar near my apartment to meet up with some friends. The three of us were drinking and having a good time when Andrea walked up. I never saw her enter the bar. I only noticed her when she was in front of us. She greeted me and said it was good to see me and leaned in to try to kiss me. I pushed her away from me and she fell, but one of my friends caught her. She started yelling and asking what the fuck is wrong with me. I told her to stay away from me and not come any closer. She asked if I was embarrassed of her and didn't want my friends to see her. I said this is the third time you've tried to assault me and I want you to stay away from me. At that point the bouncer showed up to ask what was going on. Andrea said I pushed her. I tried to explain that she tried to kiss me and is stalking me, but I was drunk and not doing a great job. My friends also tried to explain that I was innocent, but they were also drunk. Security kicked me out of the bar. My friends walked me home. I am definitely going to try to get a restraining order. This has gone way too far. Top Comments Commenter 1: she is literally stalking you and it's going to just get worse. if she tries to follow you again PLEASE call the police. ask your gym for video footage of andrea purposely sabotaging your workouts, purposely trying to injure you and following you around. this situation is insane and escalating from following you around the gym to full on intruding into your personal life. does she have any of your social media? if so, definitely block her, as clearly she's starting to learn your patterns and outside hobbies. be safe!! Commenter 2: Might be a stretch but you should inform your workplace that you have a woman harassing you in retaliation for being rejected and banned from the gym after she escalated to violent and dangerous behaviour. If she found you in a bar (assuming it wasn’t a coincidence) then she can find out where you work and try to sabotage your job and reputation. And go to the police. Commenter 3: Now that it’s gone beyond the gym, you need to start the process of getting a restraining order. She’s unhinged as fuck, you need to get the law on your side. Go back to the bar on a different night and ask for the manager. Explain the situation and the context - make sure to mention that you’re in the process of taking out a restraining order against her for stalking and harassment. Try and clear your name, you were with friends and a woman walked in and immediately created a scene - but YOU were kicked out?? Nah I’d be fighting that, that’s some bullshit.   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/GeorgeOrwell_Gurl Originally posted to r/AmITheJerk BoRU [New Updates]: Am I the jerk for resenting my dad because of his new family and for seeing my stepfather as a better dad than him? NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: child neglect, deadbeat dad, verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, infidelity, sexism RECAP Original Post: February 16, 2024 When I was younger I had a very good relationship with my dad. My parents divorced when I was a infant, but I spent weekdays with my mom and weekends with my dad. My dad and I were like best friends, and we had a simple routine every weekend where we'd get five Redbox movies to finish during the weekend, we'd go fishing, we'd play soccer, and we'd bike to this little secret playground near the zoo. Something else I was used to was my dad always having new girlfriends that never lasted more than two weeks. The only one who lasted longer (a woman I really liked who lasted two years) left my dad when I was ten. But my relationship with my dad was the same as ever until I was twelve and my dad met his now wife. This woman has two kids, one older and one younger than me. They moved into my dad's apartment after only two weeks. My room was already small, but my tiny mattress and three small plastic drawers were shoved into the corner of the room to make space for the daughters' bunk bed and dresser. Before I knew it, they started putting my bed in a closet until I came to visit and often would forget to take it out at all. When my dad moved into a bigger house, the older sister got her own room while I had to share one with the younger sister every weekend. The three small drawers I had were soon just one drawer because the little sister wanted the other two for her toys. Slowly, I started visiting my dad less and less. Then everything went especially wrong when my dad got his girlfriend pregnant after one year. They got married and I didn't know that for a whole month because he didn't even tell me. I also didn't know my baby half-sister was born until weeks after she came home from the hospital. To make his new family happy, he started spoiling them and stopped paying child support for me and my mom. His wife is a jobless gold-digger who only cooks and cleans and shops, her older daughter is having her college paid for by my dad, and the younger daughter is the definition of a 10-year-old Sephora kid. As for my half-sister, she is still a toddler but is clearly spoiled and hates the word "No". The routine I used to have with my dad is now dead. As for my stepdad, he's been with my mom since I was five. Apparently (though I don't remember it) I once called him "Dad" and because of that my dad told me I shouldn't love than man like a dad because he's not really my father. Apparently, that's why I started acting like I hated my stepdad. I never knew why I felt that way about him since he'd never been anything but good to me, and in the last few years I've felt much closer to him. He feels like the dad that my birth-father should try to be. Over time, my dad has started to treat me differently. He rants to me about his political beliefs and conspiracy theories about aliens and stuff. He also brags about his new business and his new family, and if I ever try to share anything with him he gets annoyed and shuts me up before continuing with his stories. It's like now he sees me as a buddy rather than his freaking daughter. Also, it was during these last few years that I learned the reason he and my mom divorced was not because they weren't right for each other but rather because my father cheated on my mom while visiting his family in Canada. I am now fifteen, and I have become a completely different person than the one my birth-dad remembers. I no longer love the beach or soccer and I now love music and reading and writing. I have written and published two books since 2022, and am writing the third in my series. My stepdad supports my dreams and loves me so much that he brags about me to friends and family and calls me his daughter. My stepdad has an actual daughter who I love like a real sister, though she lives up north with her boyfriend and I don't see her often. Still, though, I love them more than I love my birth-dad and half-sister who I'm actually related to. My dad blames me for never calling, though because of how he's treated me lately I don't feel like I owe it to him. I also go months at a time without visiting him now because I no longer feel comfortable at that house. Especially since the bed I sleep on over there is literally considered as their "guest bed". In my birth-dad's house, I am a guest. Because of all of this, I resent my dad. I haven't told anyone about this so no one is calling me a jerk, but I'm wondering if I am because my dad is in love with his new family and I'm wondering if it's a bad thing I'm not happy for him. Am I the jerk? Comments JustAnotherSaddy: Not the jerk. Your dad failed you. He’s the only reason why you don’t have a relationship with him. Glad your step dad is good to you. Hope your calling him dad now. The_Balaram: Absolutely NOT the jerk. Your father failed on his only task of being exactly THAT, a FATHER, so you are on your right to cut any connection you want with him.   Update #1: May 18, 2024 Hello. So, I made a post a few months ago talking about how my dad has basically stopped treating me like his daughter now that he has a new family. Not much has happened since, but here's an update anyway: So, since I made the initial post, I've only visited my dad's house once and, safe to say, I truly am nothing more than an uncomfortable guest in that house. I should start off by saying that every time I spend a few months without going to his house, my dad tries to play all innocent and calls me on Fridays to ask when he should pick me up. I never answer because he always calls me when I'm in a class or busy with studying, so he'll call my mom. But because he never asks me in advance, I tend to have plans on weekends with my cousins, friends, or just to work on writing since I am still working on my third book and it takes a lot of focus that I can't get in his house. Actually, I'm now just gonna call him Eric. He's honestly not been as much of a "dad" figure to me as my stepdad has. Anyway, it was my mom who had decided I would go over to his house. Despite the fact that Eric hasn't paid child support in over 2 years now and I hate going to his house, my mom says I should just visit from time to time to keep him from getting the court involved. She confuses me, sometimes saying that he's a deadbeat man, but also sometimes saying that he's my loving dad who deserves my respect. However, under the circumstances, I'm fairly certain that nothing would be any different since I never visit him and he doesn't pay child support anyway. In fact, once on Christmas, he bought a bunch of new gifts for his family and wrapped them up and everything, but weeks before Christmas when I was visiting, he drove to Walmart so his wife could do groceries and he handed me $200 and said, "Merry Christmas. Buy yourself something and the rest can be child support or whatever." I bought two books, but the rest of the money that was supposedly 'child support' was nothing near to the amount he owed. I have told my mom I would be happier if he lost custody of me and my stepdad adopted me, but she thinks that's too extreme and says, "He's still your dad. He deserves your respect and love". Now, about the weekend I visited him, from the minute Eric picked me up, all he talked about was his new family. He talked about the older sister and her boyfriend, the younger sister and the shopping she does, and the my half-sister who can now talk a little bit. I stayed silent the whole ride until he asked me a question about my school, and when I answered his question he got frustrated and went into a conspiracy theory rant. I tuned him out for the rest of the drive after that. The rest of the weekend wasn't any better. The older sister did what she always does when I visit and locked herself in her room, only coming out when I left the house or when I was in the bathroom so she wouldn't have to talk to me. And the younger sister had a friend of hers over and her friend had her stuff tossed on my bed and was sitting on it because it's the bed she sleeps in when she has sleepovers. Eric's wife did a poor job of hiding how bothered she was by me visiting. More than once, she has been completely shocked I was visiting because Eric didn't tell her so she couldn't disagree. And also, most of the weekend consisted of Eric taking me and my half-sister to a playground so she could run around with her friends, and I sat on a bench to read but I didn't have much time to myself since Eric kept leaving and told me to keep an eye on my half-sister who is a wild and fussy kid. I am not a babysitter, and while I am good with kids, that does not mean I enjoy putting my own time aside to look after them when they're not my responsibility. I had to spend two days in either pure chaos or discomfort, and I had a talk with my mom about me not wanting to go over there anymore. She said that's fine and she won't force me to go anymore, but since she's said that before, I don't believe her. I don't have anyone to really talk to about this, and this whole situation is stressing me out because I don't remember my dad ever being as happy as he is now, and I still sometimes feel like I should be happy for him. I don't know what to do, and any advice on anything I could do would be helpful. Everyone who's commented on my last post so far has said I'm not the jerk and that Eric isn't acting the way a dad should, but he still reaches out from time to time and says I'm his baby girl who he loves. Honestly, I almost cry whenever he says that because it reminds me of how we used to be. Am I overthinking all of this or overreacting? What should I do? Am I the jerk here because I'm not happy for my dad? Comments CatchHefty5872: You should tell your mum the more she forces you to go to your dad's the more it's going to ruin your relationship with her as she's not listening to what you want and how you feel. You should also tell her you no longer trust what she says as she has told you before that she will no longer force you into going but she does it anyway. If you can't talk to your mum, have a one on one chat with your stepdad and see if he can help when it comes to your mum.   Update #2: May 19, 2024 Hello, everyone. It's only been a couple of days since my last post. Since then, I have taken the advice most of you have given me and I talked to my mom about how I don't want to keep being forced by her to visit Eric (my sperm donor, as most of you referred to him as). Long story short, I'm not 100% sure she won't continue to send me over to Eric's house, but she did wind up sending him long texts, chewing him out for not treating me right and telling him to step up and pay his child support. He didn't answer her though, so I followed some other advice and wrote him a long text myself that detailed how I felt about his treatment of me the last few years. The thing is, as soon as I sent that text, he called me to yell at me and called me spoiled and overdramatic. He said it's my fault we don't have a relationship since I never visit or talk to him anymore, and because I mentioned the unpaid child support, he said that I was only reaching out to him for money. I nearly cried during that phone call and wound up just hanging up on him. He sent some angry texts to my mother as well. But later that day, he left a voicemail on my phone saying, "Money is kind of tight for me right now. I'm completely broke. You know I love you, right?" The thing is that I know that's a lie because I'm always seeing my younger step-sister make Tik-Tok videos showing off the Sephora and other expensive crap he buys her all the time. I think I'm done trying. And some of you suggested asking my stepdad for help. I wish I could, but when I asked my mom again if he could adopt me, she said something that absolutely crushed me. Apparently, my stepdad himself said he doesn't feel like he should adopt me. My stepdad is a very kind and sympathetic man, but he's also extremely unconfrontational and thinks it would be like a slap in the face to Eric if he adopted me. Also, because I noticed some confusion about this in the comments on my last update, the reason my parents divorced was because he cheated, but it wasn't with his current wife. My parents split up when I was still basically an infant, and Eric lived in Canada where he jumped from girlfriend to girlfriend there before he moved down here and continued to jump from girlfriend to girlfriend. When I was 12, he met and knocked up his wife, Alejandra, and married her without telling me till a month after their courthouse wedding. Also, some of you asked how old I am. I am fifteen. It feels ridiculous that I have this stress on me at my age, and I can't really talk to anyone about it. I can't talk to my stepdad because he's always working and I'm only ever with him when my mom is there too, and I don't like talking to her because she always tells me that I'm too young to really feel how I feel. The last time I tried to discuss my mental health with my mom, I asked her if I could start going to therapy and she said that therapists are dumb and that I can just talk to her or pray to God if anything is wrong. I'm not super religious, and talking to her about anything serious makes me deeply uncomfortable. It's not that I don't love her, since she is my mom after all, but she's pretty intense and intimidating. My dad has not reached out to me again since his voicemail. Frankly, I don't want to even thing about him for a long while now If he suddenly realizes how badly he's screwed up with me and apologizes, then maybe I'll try to rebuild our relationship. As for my stepdad, he may not want to adopt me, but he still calls me his daughter (never just his step-daughter) and I truly feel loved by him. I love his parents like they're my own grandparents, and his whole family is so warm and loving. I might make another update if anything else happens, but for now I'm just going to focus on school and my books. Maybe now that I understand that Eric really doesn't care that much about me anymore, I can finally focus on finishing my third book. I dedicated my first book to him, and I honestly don't regret it. I dedicated that book to the dad he used to be. It's not like he'll ever read that book since he doesn't think it's smart that I want to be a writer, but I don't care. I'm done. Thank you to everyone who gave me advice and told me I wasn't the jerk. I feel so much better with those reassurances. Thank you. Comments ** Tiny_Dancer97:** I'd reply that maybe he'd stop being broke if he wasn't spoiling his new family and ignoring his obligations to his actual daughter. And tell him that honestly he hasn't acted like my dad in years so let's just stop pretending and he can be happy with his replacements because I'm done being ignored and walked on by someone who obviously doesn't want me there. JezzLandar: You say your 'father' sent you a text saying "you know I love you, don't you?". You should respond : No. No I don't know this at all. I know you say you do, but you have never shown me this love. Love isn't just a word you can throw at me as you'd throw a bone to a dog. Love is a feeling of support and safety. It's a deep felt knowledge of total acceptance. It's the tissue when I cry, the back rub when I am sad or hurt. It's that wink at a shared joke and the hug of joy and glorious celebration. That, daddy dear, is love. That is what I both expect and need from you. As things stand, you are a horrible disappointment and a terrible father.   ----NEW UPDATES---- Update #3: May 28, 2024 Hi everyone. It's been about nine days since my last update. I just wanna say, thank you all for your support and advice. There were a lot of people asking similar questions, and it was all a bit overwhelming so I didn't respond to any of them directly, but I will answer those questions here before I get on to the actual reason for this update. So, a lot of you were saying that I should talk to a school counselor or something. The thing is that I do virtual homeschool, and my mom works from home a lot, so I'm honestly just a bit too scared to try that. Plus, even if I did talk to my counselor without my mom being around to hear, I really don't trust any adults to keep these kinds of things to themselves. I know that sounds a bit dumb and paranoid, but it's really just how my brain thinks. A lot of you also said that I should bring up the therapy thing with my mom again, but I know for a fact that won't work. My mom really doesn't believe in therapy and believes that praying to God or having her preach about the bible to me will solve everything. As for my stepdad, I love the guy like a real father, and I see him as my true dad even if he doesn't want to adopt me, but he really is no help with the therapy issue either because he always just agrees with whatever my mom says to avoid arguments. But I'm doing fine right now though, and I honestly think things are going to start getting better. And I think this because I'm pretty sure my mom is finally gonna file for sole custody and court-ordered child support. One thing I guess I should've made clear is that my parents sorted out their custody and child-support agreement amongst themselves when they divorced. The agreement is that I spend weekends with my dad, and he pays my mom $100 per week. I'm pretty sure my dad only stuck to that agreement to keep himself looking good until he could finish his U.S. legalization process, since he used to be an immigrant from Canada. Once he was legalized, he stopped paying child support and began spoiling his new fam. Anyway, I went to my dad's house last weekend. This time, my mom didn't force me, and I actually decided I wanted to go because I wanted to give my dad one last chance. He picked me up from my mom's house, and we didn't get down the street before we were fighting. I was excitedly telling him about a business idea I had where I can make book-boxes and sell books with DIY necklaces and hand-painted bookmarks that match book covers, and he was telling me my idea was stupid and unprofitable and a waste of money and time. It was an hour-long drive to his house, and he was getting political or angry over every little thing I said. When I told him I was thinking about applying to colleges like Harvard or University of Chicago in the future, he began to yell about all the "dangerous Cuban and Mexican immigrants" in Chicago and began saying that Harvard is a waste of time since it's just as good as any other college, but "rich people go there, which is why it's so famous". I wound up yelling at him that he can't act so high and mighty over non-white immigrants because he was also an immigrant not too long ago. Also, I never understand why it is my dad is always so racist about Hispanic people when my mom and his current wife are both Latinas. He went on one rant after another, and I was so sick of it that instead of staying quiet like always, I actually argued back. Because of that, my dad spent the whole weekend complaining about my bad attitude. I told my mom about all of this. I think the final nail in the coffin that finally pushed her to want sole custody was when I told her about a rant my dad went on about "the difference between men and women". I wound up memorizing and writing down everything he said and texted it to my mom. I asked her not to talk to him about it, but she was pissed at him. Here are some of the things he said: "99% of women want to latch onto rich men", "Nearly all women are greedy and unloyal", "Men don't like successful and independent women because they're prideful and bossy", "It's more important for a wife to respect her husband than it is for him to respect her", "It is wrong for wives to make more than their husbands", and so much more. And then he smiled and said, "But you're the exception, pretty girl." There was so much more that happened just last weekend, like him saying some of my guy friends don't count as real men since some of them are gay, and trying to tell me my summer volunteering opportunity in DR is a bad idea since "the people there are different", even though my mom's side of the family comes from there. I won't list every annoying thing he did, and I'm finally done. This was his last chance, and he blew it. I just want to say I'm pretty sure my mom is not sending me over anymore. She spent all morning looking for my birth certificate because she's wondering if she needs it for court. She wants to get me full time, and have my dad pay child support. At the moment, he owes a lot of child support, and having him contribute financially would help me so much with preparing for college. Also, I did not mention the names of my books in the other posts. I didn't share them because I didn't want a bunch of internet strangers seeing my social media tags at the back of the book, but I will share the titles with anyone who DMs me. I will probably make another update if anything else happens. Hopefully, my next update will be after we've gone to court.   UPDATE 4 -- Am I the jerk for resenting my dad because of his new family and for seeing my stepfather as a better dad than him? --- (Title is no longer true): August 27, 2024 Hey everyone. It's been three months since my last post, and quite a lot of crappy stuff has gone down. Let me start off by saying thank you to everyone who DM'd me and sent me their support. I know I haven't answered a lot of you, but that's just because the amount of messages is well over 50 and it's kinda overwhelming. But I appreciate all of you. Especially those who have reached out and said that they've gone through similar things. You're all so strong, and I hope you're doing alright. So, as for the actual update, my mom never took Eric (bio-dad) to court. After three days of listening to my mom and Eric scream at each other over the phone, insulting each other and hearing Eric yell about child support being stupid and a government con, he sent $200 to shut my mom up and now sends that same amount of money randomly. My mom lied about not forcing me to see him again. I remember we were in the car when Eric called on a random Friday to ask if I wanted to come over, and maybe I was a little bit cold, but my mom got mad at me after I said I didn't want to go. I reminded her that she promised not to force me, and I got yelled at and guilt tripped into calling Eric back and agreeing. That weekend was awful. Eric tried to fight with me on his sexist beliefs, he complained that I was complaining too much about his inappropriate jokes and stories, and then there was a whole issue about us arguing over women's workout clothes. For some context on that last one, Eric and I saw a couple biking together in his neighborhood, and he commented that the lady was trying to "Get some" because she was in leggings and a crop top. I told him she was just working out, and that the guy she was with was probably her bf. Plus, she was at least 10 years younger than Eric, but he just said "that doesn't mean she's not trying to get more guys with those clothes. Women only wear workout clothes to attract men and get l@id", and I argued with him. I just gave up when I said, "If I wear workout clothes to exercise and loose weight to be healthier, am I trying to get a man's attention?" and he said yes. That was that. If there was any respect in me left for that man, it's now completely gone. Plus, he spent the whole weekend disrespecting his wife and insulting her, and despite how awkward I feel around her, I wish I'd known what kind of a person my dad was three years ago so I could've told her to leave him while she had the chance to. No woman deserves a man as awful as my dad. And I'm sure some of you noticed what I put in the title. I now feel like I no longer have any father figure at all in my life, and here's why. Weeks ago, I got into a bit of a debate with my mom about adopted kids. I told her I didn't want to give birth as an adult and would rather adopt, and she said I shouldn't bring "another person's dirty kids" into my home, and she said it would be hard to love grandkids that don't look like me. I know it's kinda a weird conversation for a 16yo to have (I recently turned 16 this summer) but it came up anyway. When I asked for my stepdad's opinion, I found what is probably the real reason he doesn't want to adopt me. He told me that he doesn't think adopted kids can be loved the same way as blood kids. He said adopted children aren't as loveable, and I realized that despite calling me his daughter and talking about me and how much he loves me, he doesn't love me as much as his birth kids. And also, I have lost all respect for him after this past weekend. There's a lot of stuff that happens in my family, and my mom tries to blind me from all of it, so my cousins are my only source of information. I spent the weekend with my oldest cousin (21f) and another one of my cousins (20f) and I ranted to them about what my stepdad had said. After that, they told me something that made me feel more disgusted and betrayed than I've ever felt before. My stepdad cheated on my mom a few years back. And she stayed with him. The reason my mom divorced Eric was due to his infidelity, but she chose to forgive my stepdad and never told me about it, letting me continue to live with a man who did the same thing that Eric did to her. Eric's cheating ruined my life, and I don't think I can look at my stepdad the same way again. Before this past weekend, I was laughing with my stepdad and hanging out with him. Now, I'm glad my mom is having me spend time with my grandma because it means I have more time to process all of this before I have to see him again. I'm a Junior in high school now. I'm planning to work harder on online jobs, applying for scholarships, and more so that I'm ready to get away from all of this as soon as I get to college. If anything else major happens, I'll update again, but this is it for now. I know I'm not the jerk. I'm just the one who has to deal with a ton of unfair crap.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Tiny-Zee My father continously makes fun of my body and won't listen when i ask him to stop Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes TRIGGER WARNING: Body shaming, emotional and verbal abuse, physical abuse MOOD SPOILER: Infuriating, enraging Original Post Oct 3, 2023 To start things off with a few side notes I am very insecure about my body and have been since a child. I am especially insecure about my stomach and thighs. I do train. I do eat right but it's just an issue that will forever haunt me. I have come to terms with it over the years but at the moment, I'm not sure what to think. I am 5'3 and weigh about 50-55kgs. My stomach is a bit plump and my thighs are pretty large. My body is covered in stretch marks from god knows where. I have been teased about this in school to the point of dropping out due to mental health and trauma. The rumors got out of hand. It started with my body then it went to me apparently sleeping with everyone in school. They bragged about the thickness of my thighs, how fun it apparently was to grab the skin on my hips. How the marks made them feel superior because they looked like scars. Keep in mind i have never shown my body during my time in school. I have never slept or merely engaged in conversations with anyone unless i was forced to. I never mentioned it. Never did sports. The only person who knew was a so called best friend who ended up getting jealous that I managed to pull a date. That was the only reason. It hurt a lot but by the time she confessed i was already down low. To the point of nearly ending it all. My teachers even laughed in my face when i went to them for help because my parents brushed me off. The only thing that was holding me together with sparkly glitter glue was that godsend of a date who i am still with today. He always assures me that my body is perfect to him but i could never truly believe it. I could never shake away those memories and i can't shake away the comments from my own father. The person who i looked up to and respected. My father has always been a joking person. Always finds a way to lighten up a room but now, i don't think i can ever see him the same again. He knows how i feel about my body, he has always supported me and encouraged me to train if i really wanted to but now i feel like it was just an act. I don't know what to think or feel. I don't know if im overreacting or not. About a year ago the comments started. They were innocent at first so i brushed it off as his jokes. Then came the hip pinching. The stretch mark dad jokes. The remarks about wearing tigher pants to hide my oversized legs. It really hurt. I couldn't deal with it at the time so my aunt, who i consider as a mother, took matters into her own hands. It stopped for a while. Until a few months ago. I was slowly getting comfortable with my body again and decided to wear shorts for the first time in a long time when we went to visit my parents. I had my back turned while talking to my mother. My stomach dropped when i felt the pinch on my thighs. I knew what was coming. He said "whats with this? I thought you diet!" And he jiggled the skin of my thigh, emphasizing what he was referring too. I couldn't stop the sob and i just left. My partner didn't know what was happening when i pulled him to the car and asked him to drive home. I was a mess. That night he just held me and i was grateful for his presence. All the memories started coming back by that single 'joke'. He still found ways to comment on my body but i forced myself to ignore it and act unbothered. That brings us to 3 days ago. Its nearing my birthday so my mother and I were discussing an outfit to get me. She wanted to personally look for something so she needed my measurements in which i gave her. She was using my dads phone as she has a bad streak of luck with breaking hers. My dad then started. He asked me why my waist was so wide. Why my hips were so high. Why i wasn't proportioned right. If i was sure i measured in cm instead of mm. I went along with it because i wanted to at least try to be the better person but i failed. I broke when he told me that i will never be able to fit into any of the outfits my mother showed me. Its pointless and i should just cut holes into a bag and wear that to my birthday party instead because its the only thing that i will fit in. He didn't stop there no. He said it needed to be long enough to make me look at least normal. I dropped my phone at that point, sobbing. I couldn't stop and again my partner just held me, whispering reassuring words throughout my breakdown. I ended up trying to talk to him. Trying to get him to stop but he just brushed me off like my school days. He told me he was only joking and i need to stop being so serious. That i can't help my body turned out the way it did. The worst part about it was they visited me today and i had to act fine because we had other guests over. It didn't take long for the jokes and pinching to start. In front of everyone. He pinched my thigh when i walked passed. He pinched my stomach, my hips. He said that im getting bigger because of my stretch marks that he apparently never knew were there. He asked if i was mad at him but all i could do was plaster on a smile because i couldn't say anything. I was on the brink of bursting into tears. When they were leaving, he tried to joke around and pinch me again. I managed to choke out 'please stop' and he told me to stop being dramatic and accept that its a joke. My partner is not happy about it but i asked him not to intervene. I am appreciative that he is here for me but i cannot handle a fight right now. He's been trying to cheer me up, showing me cute outfits, saying how nice i will look in them and all other stuff but i cant bring myself to let it go. I know it's not his fault and im wrong for not wanting him to step in but right now i just need a hug. Am i overreacting? Update Oct 10, 2023 Hi all. I didn't think i'd come back but here i am. I just want to thank you all and give you an update. Thank you for all the hugs. Some things some of you wanted to know: - i am turning 21 now in November - i dropped out of highschool in 10th grade - i have lived with my partner since then and he is 23 - his family is very supportive and took me in with open arms - my partner and I now live on our own - my mother is that type of person who will side with anyone in a matter of seconds And yes the only thing holding me back is the fact that they are my parents I sat my father down as per request and tried to speak to him again. It ended up being the same as the previous times. My partners father has heard of whats been happening but never witnessed it until yesterday. My parents came over to visit again with no knowledge that my partners parents were there. It was only a visit for planning of my 21st. My dad didn't seem to care that there was a new member to the audience and started his shit. I was wearing a pair of tights which some of you know as leggings as my sweats were dirty. I rarely wear tight clothes as it gives my father more fuel to his insults. I was making coffee and he shouted "Why are your thighs jiggling like that?! Do you actually train?!" My mother laughed like it was the funniest thing ever and i heared a smack and my dad yelping straight after. Thats a common thing between my parents but it usually only happens in front of others. My future in laws didn't say anything but I could see they were confused and annoyed. After the next couple of pinches, smacks and comments my parnters dad lost it. He started berating my dad and told him that he's a pathetic excuse for a father. Told him that for all these years he had to ensure i was okay because he didn't have a fucking clue to raising a child. How sick he was for even thinking its okay to treat a daughter like that. He made sure to tell him how he has damaged me mentally to the point of just accepting it. How many times his son had to hold me until i cried myself to sleep over one of his jokes. That went on for what seemed like forever and my partner soon joined in. It ended up being turned to my mother who tried to switch sides again. My partners mother is a good woman but she has a nasty side and she wasn't afraid to show it. She is one woman you don't want to upset aside from my aunt who was called and gladly snuck her nose in. She ended up saying that they either apologize and get the fuck out or they no longer have a daughter. They apologized but my dad still couldn't see why its so wrong to joke. Its what fathers do apparently. I was crying during the extent of it and still am. Not about the fight but the fact that I know just how pointless it was. I was right as he came back today and gave me a bag with holes cut into it. "Got your outfit. Made the holes bigger for your arms and thighs too. Make sure to wear a belt." I just froze in place and could only focus on his smirk. I was still standing there, bag in hand as he drove away. Later on today i got a message from him related to my writing and art that he found. He started mocking that too. Commented on how i wish i could be as perfect as the characters i come up with. I use writing/drawing as a way to cope and he is right. I do wish i could be that perfect. That confident. Normal but im not. I'm a fuck up. He made that clear. He made sure to let me know that I will never be as good. That i don't have the gene that's been passed down through generations. That maybe if my brother and sister were alive, they would have done it better. They died at birth. So not only am i a mistake and second choice. I am a fuck up entirely. OOP MADE A NEW UPDATE AFTER THE BORU WAS POSTED Update 2 Oct 17, 2023 Hello all. Thank you for all your love and comments. The boost of confidence from that alone was phenomenal. I worked up enough courage and did what needed to be done with the help of my aunt. She was more than happy to help and end it. She is also looking into making me rightfully hers and I couldn't be more grateful. We made him a gift basket with a note since he loves to read what i write so much and won't bother listening in person. "Dear Dad Since you like my writing so much I decided to take the time and spell this out for you. This basket contains many options to help you. I've noticed your body has lost it's good shape and is honestly just not pleasing to look at. So I have included many workout pamphlets and personal trainer contacts to help you with that. One in particular will surely help you with that stomach of yours. I can only imagine your frustration having a daughter that is fitter than her father. Since you clearly love taking your frustrations out on me I highly recommend reading through the therapist contacts I have included in this basket. I will advise you to let mom seek out these therapists too as her backbone is non existent and she lets awful men walk all over her. I can't imagine what the death of my brother and sister did to her and to you. Not having the chance to even pass down the gene that you love so much. Fun fact: 50-55kgs for a woman that is 5'3 is healthy if not bordering on being underweight. However. 100-108kgs for a man in his 50's and is just scraping 5'5 is concerningly overweight. I would suggest taking care of that. I would hate for someone to start mocking you about it. It is very unpleasant. Now all pleasantries aside, this will be the last time you hear from me. This will be the last time I call you mom and dad. Since I have all of my documents, I no longer need to converse with you. Your names have been taken off the guest list for my 21st that you so graciously refused to help pay for. If you do show up I will have police escort you off the premises. If you show up at my new house or merely follow me to the store, it will result in the police being called. If you continue this behavior I will file a restraining order against both of you. If you would like a reason for this you will have to find it yourself. It is quite obvious but since you are so focused on damaging me into submission i fear you will never understand. That is not my problem. Yes you did bring me into this world but you are not my parents. I have a family and you will never be a part of it. Please do take my advice and seek help. This is not a joke dad Yours truly" I know that the note was rushed and short but it was all i was capable of writing. My aunts phone has been blowing up but she has ignored and blocked their numbers. She has even made sure to let the rest of our family know what has happened and why. As far as I know, they have been getting berated and disowned. I can't help but feel a little bit of pride. I am going to seek a therapist once we've finished moving. Thank you all. Really. If I didn't come to reddit for help I don't know what I would've done. It feels as if a big weight has been taken off of me and I can finally breath. Hugs to you all ~Tofu To the people who have bombarded my dms saying that this is fake. Please my dears I wish it was. * THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

AITA..So some background: I (32F) grew up an athlete, played 3 varsity sports in HS and went on to play D1 softball in college. My husband (33M) played sports casually as a kid, then did a few seasons of HS football, and nothing in college. We met shortly after graduating college, and while we never tested it at the time, I think we both just "knew" that I was likely stronger than him. We got married and started working full-time and both fell off on our fitness goals. My husband naturally took on the traditional male role as "heavy lifter" around the house. After our two children however, I began to workout again to lose baby weight, and I haven't stopped. Fast forward several years and it's back to being "known" in our relationship that I am stronger than my husband. So much so, that he will often wait for me to get home to move something heavy around the house for him. It's even been a joke around our longterm friends that I can kick his butt (We all had an arm wrestling contest recently, and only 1 of the guys out of the 5 couples was able to beat me). Now though to the subject at hand...Last night my hubby and I each had a few glasses of wine. We were watching some random show on TV where the main female fought several men at once, and won. My 6 year old son and 8 year old daughter began to debate the topic which led to a family discussion about gender roles and all of that stuff. Which eventually led to our kids talking us (me) into wrestling my husband. My hubby was weirdly all-in right away, but I had reservations. So, my husband gave me a look which I took to mean "come on babe, it's okay this is a learning opportunity, let's see what you got". But apparently he was trying to communicate "Just let me win and be the "alpha" in the family, to our kids even though I know you're stronger"... If you've stuck with me this far, you probably see where it is going... My husband and I rolled around on the floor, fighting for position for 30, maybe 45 seconds before I was able to pin him down. Luckily for him, the kids thought that as soon as I got him pinned for even a second, I won. So he didn't have to struggle there for long. Our daughter started cheering and laughing, our son looked like he had seen a ghost. For some dumb reason, my hubby's first words were: "I let you win, lets have a rematch so I can show the kids how strong daddy is"...I'll admit I maybe should have picked up on this one, but my adrenaline was pumping and my daughter and I were having a like "girlpower" moment. So on round two I got my legs around him and began to squeeze. The squeal/scream and frantic tapping-out that came from him was so loud and dramatic that it made his loss look rough. This time our son cheered for me too and gave me a high five. That night in bed, my husband freaked out and said "You emasculated me in front of my own son, you are such a bitch! I hope you didn't just screw him up by watching his daddy get beat up by his mom"...AITA submitted by /u/Mobile_Tap_4106 to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

So I am a big guy. I workout daily. I go to three gyms regularly. I wear and have worn what we lovingly call ranger panties. They are short shorts. Think magnum pi. I usually get attention for this, but it’s usually just old men that roll their eyes. Occasionally women stare. Nothing out of control. I’ve been doing it for years. Well recently a woman joined my gym that seems obsessed with my legs. She will walk over everytime she sees me. Well her husband came with her the other day. He proceeded to have a mental breakdown over his wife talking to me. He came over and asked if I thought my shorts were appropriate. I responded by asking him not to objectfy me for being beutiful. Which made him very mad. Staff got involved and asked me to cover up for a little while. I said sure. So the next day I came in smaller shorts but with a long sleeve shirt. He was with her and lost his mind. When staff came again to talk to me. I said I had been working out like this here for years. I’ve also seen women wear a hell of a lot less. So I would not be changing anytime soon. Which they just shrugged at. So Reddit Aita? Update if you want to see my legs, they are now my profile pic. I keep getting questions about where to get my shorts and I like https://www.valhallawear.net/shorts/ submitted by /u/bothonpele to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

A few months ago I (26M) was alone on a long flight, ~6 hours. I had a middle seat between a young woman (20sF) in the window seat, and a woman (30sF) on the aisle. I'm tall and am never comfortable on planes. My knees always dig into the seat in front and it can be quite painful. I usually try to take a walk around the airport before flights to stretch my legs, but neglected to this time. It was Spirit airlines so even less legroom than usual. About half an hour after takeoff I found my left knee inching to the side for the sweet relief of open space -- specifically, the no-man's-land in between seats, level with the shared armrest. But I wasn't paying attention to my knee the entire time. I'll concede it's possible that at some point I was occupying space that rightfully belonged to my window seat neighbor. All was well for ~2 hours. At this point, the woman in the window seat called over the flight attendant. She asked her something like "Could you tell him to keep his ****ing leg in his own ****ing seat." With horror, I understood she was talking about me. I instantly retracted my leg in deep shame. She added something about "his enormous dick" -- my understanding was that it was meant to be a snide reference to the idea that spreading your legs is about male genital comfort. But she wasn't speaking very clearly, and the flight attendant (50sF) didn't seem to understand her. The FA asked her some sort of clarifying question but she didn’t answer and eventually the attendant went away. I had been shocked into silence, but when the FA left I frantically began to apologize. But she refused to speak to me. She acted like she didn't hear me. Instead she started furiously texting on her phone (yeah, texting during a flight. I thought it was weird too). Aisle Seat woman said she had some extra space on her side I could use, but then promptly went to sleep. Oh well. I tried again to apologize to Window Seat woman, but again she ignored me. I went from embarrassed to confused. I kept replaying it in my head, wondering why she didn't simply ask me to move my knee instead of calling over the attendant. I started sneaking peeks at her phone. My defense is that I was baffled by her behavior and wanted answers. I'll admit that I was being judgmental, too. Here's why: she spent the last 3 hours of the flight watching tiktoks about shaming obese people and texting someone she called papi. I didn't see all of it but a significant portion was definitely about me; she wrote "Men really do be too much sometimes" with a laughing emoji. She ignored me the whole rest of the flight and I ignored her. I got a good but painful workout of whatever muscle it is that keeps your knees together. submitted by /u/Dr_Chekhov to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

PICTURES HAVE BEEN REMOVED - THE SITE I WAS USING WAS REDIRECTING TO INAPPROPRIATE SITES. WILL POST TO BLOG. I’ll post up to date, first hand information in real time regarding the Diamond Princess. Verification #2! https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/irving-newlyweds-among-americans-on-quarantined-cruise/2307408/%3famp My blog: https://www.thetorrestravels.com/ Official Princess Cruise statements: https://www.princess.com/news/notices_and_advisories/notices/diamond-princess-update.html Edit: Thanks for all of the awards! Disclaimer: this verification/picture has nothing to do with the corona beer company. Please ask before using any pictures on this post. All rights reserved (c) 2020 Tyler Torres. To those who have asked, here is our dog that we miss very much! Meet Remy: Also, to the requests of wedding pictures: Article I found of a crew member interview: https://barcielonda.wordpress.com/2020/02/09/working-on-a-quarantined-ship-an-interview/ Update: this post has gotten huge! I’ll reply to everyone as I can, and will post more updates as they come. Local time: 2/7/2020 08:08 What seems to be a military truck showed up on port? Will update here as I can. There are men in camo that are port side. 09:00 We got fresh towels! To those on the ship, just call your attendant periodically. They are washing towels every now and again and can offer fresh ones. 09:41 Interviewed with a Japanese newspaper. There are now two military trucks and 5 ambulances, all in hazmat suits - imagining more people will be taken ashore for treatment. The food situation has gotten MUCH better - we went to bed hungry and thirsty, but are actually full now. 09:57 41 new cases for a total of 61 cases on board. Lots of news crews, helicopters, and ambulances arriving. No news has been shared from Princess Cruises - we learned from the news. The help desk told us that those who have tested negative will be notified as well. 10:28 Thermometers and gloves will be delivered to every stateroom. Gloves and masks must be worn for open deck time. Temperature must be recorded at regular intervals - any temperature higher than 37.5c must be reported. The cruise line is doing the very best that they can, and seem to have a system in place now that works. 15:29 Just woke up from a much needed nap - lunch came! Still 1-2 dozen ambulances out. Someone in our hallway was taken away. It feels a bit like the hunger games with uncertainty of who will be plucked next. Lunch is really nice today - much like the dining hall meals. Now our only issues are uncertainty and boredom, plus of course confinement and lack of exercise. 16:29 Worthy update.. I think booze is for sale? 16:58 We found out some of our aussie friends were told that they were negative. Huge relief, as they sat next to us for the two weeks of the cruise at dinner! 18:05 Japanese authorities continue to take people off the boat, with about a dozen people to go, looks like. People are getting roughly an hours notice before being removed from the boat. Situation on the boat is good - we’re still stuck to the cabins but making the most of the situation. We’ve actually been busy today with everything online! We’ve interviewed with a japanese newspaper and Chinese news site today, with an American news channel tonight/tomorrow. People have reached out to us to see if we can get supplies delivered. Y’all have been so kind and responsive, we really appreciate it! 18:30 We learned that some people were separated from their husbands today due to being tested positive. Their spouses are not allowed to join them. Wonder if those spouses are being re-tested? Our status has yet to be confirmed. 18:51 Dinner is here! Food situation remains to be great. When I catch up with replies, I’ll work on getting a photo album up. 19:35 Read on our Facebook thread that people are not being reimbursed by travel insurance due to the fact that it’s an epidemic. In one case, a news journalist reached out to an insurer asking about why they weren’t covering us - turns out, they changed their mind and covered them! Hopefully either we can get coverage, OR the cruise line does the right thing for lost wages, lost time, uncertainty, and just in general the situation that none of us can control. 19:40 41 new cases with a total of 61. This concludes the 273 originally tested. Happy to say that my wife and I are NEGATIVE! Nationality breakdown: Argentina: 1 Australia: 5 Canada: 5 Japan: 21 American: 8 Britain: 1 Quarantine official end date is Wednesday, 2/19/2020, unless further developments are made by the Japanese health ministry. The US embassy is working to get us off the boat on this date. Until then, cabin confinement will be a thing, along with visits to the open deck every day on a rotating schedule. Not everyone will get to go each day. Tomorrow, ocean view staterooms can go outside. All interior cabins have been able to see light today. Mandatory masks/gloves will be worn. The Japanese health ministry has provided us with additional doctors and medical staff to assist with the ongoing situation. We’ve been provided with even more water, and have two gallons stockpiled of bottled water. The cruise ship is well stocked, and passengers are being well taken care of. Cabin fever and keeping occupied is the major challenge for many of us, though puzzles are being handed out, origami paper, and many movies are being added. The cruise line has really come together to make the best of the situation. Broadband speeds have greatly increased, and are free. They’re also working on in-room activities to keep us occupied. A new food/beverage menu is being developed. They’ve addressed that being confined is a tough situation, and truly are making quality of life better. Balconies have been addressed - we can go out as we please, but are required to wear masks. The crew has done an amazing job through extraordinary circumstances, and Princess Cruises has really stepped to the plate today. The captain has been much more vocal today - I can’t imagine the stress that’s being put on him between the company, embassies, the Japanese government, and passengers frustrations. Tomorrow morning at about 08:00, the Diamond Princess will set sail to sea for normal marine operations (I.e, making water), and will return in the evening back to Yokohama’s daikoku cruise terminal. I’ll have more updates tomorrow - off to watch a movie with the wife! Things are good, and today, we had BACON. Our clogged arteries are happy! Next adventure starts tomorrow. 2/8/2020 07:13 Replied to many comments/Facebook, about to interview with channel 5 in DFW. There are a couple ambulances out but from our understanding everyone was taken off who was positive last night. 08:21 First person has been taken off the ship. Just finished interviewing with Chanel 5 in DFW - will be on at 22:00 central standard time. 08:44 Noticed a few suitcases and people that look like they’re boarding - I’m thinking that these were the Japanese medical professionals that they were talking about. 08:55 The president of Princess Cruises is here in japan working to make sure the cruise remains comfortable for its passengers. A few passengers reported fevers and are being checked by medical staff - that’s what the ambulances are for. A consoling hotline has been opened for guests aboard the cruise. We will shortly set sail to perform essential marine activities off the coast of japan. We will arrive back to Yokohama on 2/9/2020, 0900. They are warning for rough seas such as the other night. Breakfast has just arrived! Looking good food wise again. In other news, we talked to some crew and asked how they were doing. They stated that they are hanging in there, but not sleeping too well due to the increased workload. It’s going to be a long two weeks for them - they’re working incredibly hard! 09:26 The princess diamond just tooted it’s horn and is now off to sea! 11:31 Deck 8 even room numbers with an ocean view window can go to the open deck now for a bit. 13:48 Confirmed: 2 additional coronavirus cases, total is now 63. One Chinese citizen, and one US citizen. 28 medical staff were let on board (16 doctors, 12, nurses), and clerks. Negotiations are being made to get laundry done as well as staterooms cleaned by attendants for the first time in nearly a week. There is a designated smoking area being negotiated for specific times for people to smoke. Nicotine gum is also available. The Captain is thankful for our cooperation, and quarantine officials are happy with how we are handling procedures. Entertainment services: movies are continuously being uploaded. Education on coronavirus is also posted on our stateroom TV. Medications will be handed out to passengers throughout the day. 14:30 More people allowed onto the decks from the 10th floor balconies, separated on the 7th floor open deck & the 15th floor. 15:40 Just interviewed with NHK and will be on at 19:00 local time in tokyo - it will be broadcasted through japan and internationally. We get to go outside for the first time in 20 minutes! 16:43 We’ll be meeting with the Japanese coast guard at around 18:30 for samples to be taken off the ship, and more medication to be delivered. We are approx. 15 nautical miles away from land. Logistics of sorting so much medication is difficult, but the most critical of medications are being delivered first. Emergency medication is available if needed. People who now have fevers/coughs are being watched are not allowed to be on the open decks. It looks like it’s approved for some guests services to be resumed on a rotation basis - a plan is being made for laundry, and stateroom cleaning (thank god.. that toilet needs some help). Detergents will be delivered for hand washing clothes as well. We just were able to be outside from 1600-1700. It was amazing to be outside for the first time in six days! Things are really looking up! Around 20:00 A reminder was made by the captain that there is counseling support available via phone in English, Japanese, and other languages. Japanese coast guard operation underway - medication is being delivered via helicopter to the coast guard boats, then delivered using said boats. Samples are being offloaded. Bandwidth continues to be upgraded, though is choppy at sea. Ongoing communication with the US embassy japan is being made, and the procedures we are following mirrors that required of the Japanese government. The US CDC advises that we are following the safest protocol to prevent viral infections on cruise ships (passengers remaining in staterooms. Embassies and governments from other countries are also in contact. Tomorrow morning, balcony staterooms will finish going outside before interior staterooms start over again on rotation. 2/9/2020 08:28 We just got breakfast.. was really hoping for breakfast to be the best meal of the day due to the last two days being pretty decent. Today we’re back to pastries and two boiled eggs. Yikes. Also, now docking to daikoku pier in Yokahama, japan. I count 8 ambulances lined up - either on standby or here for new cases? 08:43 Looks like supplies are here. In the process of docking. Very busy on the ground. Japanese authorities requesting people to not feed the birds croissants. 09:23 Not looking good out there. 14 ambulances, hazmat suits and all. No news has been given as of yet. LOTS of supplies being loaded. 09:42 Medication delivery is a logistical nightmare due to the volume of medications - in one case, a man has been out of anti-hypertensives for six days and is starting to worry d/t chest discomfort. There are now 15 ambulances outside. Supposedly, Princess was charging 18% gratuity for room service, but after being mentioned on Twitter all costs were dropped. There are no longer room service fees. We’ve heard from a friend on the westerdam cruise from holland America that isn’t being allowed to dock. No talk of compensation for lost wages, etc. have been made from Princess, but holland America has issued a 100% refund with a 50% discount on a future cruise. We are hoping that princess will do the same. We didn’t save for the trip expecting a lengthy quarantine. 11:47 Verification of sights outside our room. 12:17 Someone is being loaded into an ambulance, with two lined up behind it it appears. One is pulled up to the ship with a blue tarp over the back. 12:36 Announcement from the captain: several guests are ill, but not related to coronavirus. They will be taken off the ship today. Medications are still being dispensed. Hopefully these I’ll passengers were not related to lack of medication! Laundry services approved, and will be offered on a deck to deck basis. More information to follow when available. No new news from the health ministry of japan. 13:00 Food situation is pretty hard to get down due to taste (not really sure why it’s downgraded quite so much being that 2/7 was so awesome), but they’re loading it up with rice to fill people. Many people who are afraid of the virus aren’t wanting to eat. We’re doing fine - just continuing to look at the bright side of things! 14:32 6 people diagnosed with coronavirus, bringing the total to 69. They are being offloaded along with (correction - 9 people) that have other medical conditions for a total of 15 getting off today. All of these people will be quarantined. 15:35 No new activity other than more allowed out to the open decks, BUT this couple got wine delivered by a drone! Hilarious! https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7981025/Gold-Coast-couple-quarantined-Diamond-Princess-Cruise-Ship-wine-delivered-drone.html 15:50 Mail from the US embassy: to sum, at the end of these 14 days we will be able to leave the boat unrestricted. A field pharmacy with 7 pharmacists is active aboard, and over half of all medication requests will be delivered to guests today. Per CDC, my wife is getting the chuckles with the following rules.. “wear a face mask and keep a distance of 6 feet away from your cabin mate, if you have one.” 18:58 Captain update: a Letter from the president of Princess Cruises will be issued regarding refunds and compensation tonight, as well as laundry powder. Laundry services now available on a rotating basis for small loads. Looks like tomorrow we will be able to get out again due to an updated schedule - we’re really excited to go again! Today has been a good day. Dinner also arrived - not bad, it was tasty! Never going to have rice in my life again though after this quarantine. Send thoughts to stateroom attendants, though. Some of them are getting as little as 3 hours of sleep in this situation. Day five, complete! 21:47 Update before I forget on the ventilation system.. CDC said in a letter sent to us that the ventilation system isn’t a concern in spreading the virus, as there is not really any evidence to show that it’s an issue. Off to bed for us, will continue to update in the morning! Thank you all for the support. 22:22 HUGE UPDATE! 100% refund for all cruise guests and a 100% future cruise credit equal to the price that we paid for this cruise if used before 2/28/2021. All reasonable charges dropped from our onboard folio, and no further costs will be incurred during the quarantine period. All pre/post hotels, transfers, pre-paid excursions, taxes/port, and princess airline travel will be fully refunded. Arrangements will be made for travel home for guests. We already have a delta flight pre-booked that we’ve had moved around. Thank you so much Princess for doing the right thing - this makes being out of work and being stuck away from home much easier for the lot of us! Thank you to the crew for working extra hard to keep us safe. 2/10/2020 06:30 Just woke up - got in touch with family/friends. Outside, we see only two ambulances and a van. WFAA interview rescheduled due to breaking news in Dallas - new time will be tomorrow. No new news as of yet. 07:15 A few cars showed up behind the ambulances - nothing too exciting. 07:35 Breakfast is here! Scrambled egg sandwich, a muffin, a pastry, grapes, an orange, yogurt, and two cookies. Cookies for breakfast? I’m in! 😂 “A chocolate chip cookie for breakfast? I am so happy! That’s legit!”- the wife 08:31 6 ambulances w/ some cars are parked outside. No ambulances are pulled up to the boat, so looks like as of now we’re in the clear! More supplies are here now, looks like. 08:54 Found out that a lady in the room right next to us had to be taken off the ship d/t having the virus. She says she’s doing okay. 09:54 A motor coach just pulled up and parked next to the 6 ambulances. Not really sure what the motor coach is here for? Some military vehicles are here as well. About to do a sound check with the mark davis show. 12:30 They just delivered N95 masks, we’re excited to finally be protected! In other news, medications continue to be dispensed, but some people on our Facebook page are taking their medications every other day, some running out of Parkinson’s medication, etc. Rough situation, really hope the logistics are worked out and it’s resolved! There are additional pharmacists onboard now. 12:44 Captain announcement: extended break till 1400 for deck time in order to not interrupt lunch. Some complaints have been made about announcements being too frequent, but we actually think this is perfect - the captain read a comment from a guest - he says “Knowing is better than guessing, and not knowing.” They’re working on having fewer announcements by possibly putting the deck times on a paper delivered to our room. I’d like to thank you all for being so supportive of my wife and I! 13:06 Update that many of you have been asking about: the world health organization has clarified that the end date of quarantine is 2/19. For those closely in contact with newly infected people (for example, roommates of a newly infected person), the quarantine is extended to 14 days from the date of last contact with the infected individuals. 13:40 Food came! Salmon, pasta salad, a roll, and some sort of desert (I’m not actually sure what it was). We’re settling down for a movie now while waiting for our outside time that is coming! 14:40 Rumor has it that there are 60 new cases. We haven’t been given any information as of yet, and I can’t find any news on it yet. HOWEVER this is what we see outside. People are beginning to put on full protection suits - looking like more are likely to be taken off. At this point, we’re kind of just wishing that all passengers would be tested. Again, we have no confirmation as of yet on the new cases. 14:43 more ambulances arriving, sirens on. 14:45 Fire trucks and ambulances have pulled up to the ship where passengers have been offloaded the past few days. PS fire trucks/water rescue are normal in these kinds of operations in japan. 14:51 A news helicopter is on scene with news crews pulled up to the side. Here’s a picture of what seems to be the Japanese military building a tunnel (presumably for passenger offloading) and an ambulance pulling up for pickup. 15:05 The captain has made an announcement. He recognizes that there is lots of activity on the ground. He is waiting for the Japanese health ministry to send an official communication to the cruise line in order to provide accurate information. Meanwhile, it’s almost our turn to go outside. Honestly, we’re considering skipping our outside time to stay safe, but are pretty desperate to stretch our legs. 15:09 The first ambulance has pulled away, and another is pulling up. Spoke with a neighbor a few balconies across from me - he says he’s not going out on the open decks in fear of getting the virus and extending his quarantine. 15:17 A view of what’s going on now. 15:57 Confirmed by captain: 66 new cases of coronavirus on the Diamond Princess. There were 69 total yesterday, bringing the total to 135 today. This was to be expected this early in the quarantine period, as many of these individuals were exposed prior to the quarantine start. 16:30 Just got inside from our time on the open deck. Here are some inside views. 18:29 Captain announcement. Coronavirus cases reduced from 66 to 65, 5 of which are crew members. Total count reduced from 135 to 134. Interior staterooms will get priority for natural sunlight - balconies time will be reduced, however they will still be able to go out onto the open deck from time to time. The captain stated that he noticed some people on the balcony stretching and getting a workout, then teased and said “I have to say.. the port side did better.” Mail services now in place, and instructions will be delivered to our rooms. He addressed the ventilation system - air is filtered & 100% fresh air is being delivered to our staterooms. No reason to worry about the virus being spread through rooms. He thanked and praised everyone on board for their extraordinary patience and support. 18:36 Dinner is here! My wife got pasta and marinara, I got some sort of shrimp on rice. I repeat - when we get home, we’re never having rice again. 😳 We got some lemon bars too! 19:04 Embassy email - confirms that princess/carnival clean their air through and through, and there is no risk to passengers. They provided this video for all Americans aboard. https://youtu.be/zmAXT-AIyjs 21:56 Medication has arrived for us, hopefully meaning that most of the ship has received theirs. 23:30 We’ve finished our radio interviews with Mark Davis & WBAP, and winding down for bed. Tomorrow morning we interview with a news station (WFAA), then set your sea for the day to preform vital marine operations (dumping waste, making water). Thank you all again for the support, and I will update in the morning! Special shoutout to u/CausticSaint - we got a care package delivered to our room from he and his wife. Words can’t begin to express how thankful we are. WE HAVE TOOTHPASTE! 2/11/2020 06:30 Woke up to get ready for our interview from a DFW news source, WFAA. Shortly after, NBC. No new news as of yet, but we opened the window to find quite a few ambulances! Here’s the view: 08:00 We got breakfast! It came in the middle of one of our interviews, but we got small egg sandwich, one croissant, and a muffin. No fruit or yogurt today. We’re all wondering where the menu is for today - last time we didn’t get a menu was at the start of the quarantine. It’s not just us - the people around us haven’t received a menu either. The help desk is checking with meal services. WFAA will be aired at 10pm central time. 08:26 Current look outside - many more ambulances, people are being taken off the boat now. Nothing confirmed as of yet. 08:46 Looks like we’re fueling up today. 09:00 The sound of sirens is in the air today! Probably about 5-6 going off at once. Truly feels like we’re in a apocalyptic movie at this point with now 32 ambulances parked outside. There are military vehicles with a big Red Cross on them as well - assuming military medical staff. 9:21 Captain states a good morning, and states that we’re ready to face a day of challenges strong and united. He says updates will be given as available. The diamond princess will set sail around 1200, give or take a few hours depending on timing of complications on the ground (loading supplies,, disembarking guests and crew). We will be headed southeast out to sea to make water and dump waste. We will turn around after that to return to daikoku pier. Wind speeds around 55km/hr when out to sea, and the waters shouldn’t be quite as bad this time. They’ve plotted the best possible course to minimize rocking. He reminded us to check our temperature/wear masks, and joked that we are all experts by now. He also reminded us to remain hydrated - we now have quite a bit of water. Every guest has had a chance to send in laundry now. The laundry that my wife and I sent last night should arrive soon. A rotation from deck to deck has been made. He concluded with “let’s tackle this day together.” 11:48 Took a short nap - we were tired from the day before, and the wife had a bit of a headache. Up now - they’re handing out vitamin C tablet bottles to interior staterooms to prevent deficiency.. don’t want anyone getting scurvy! Again, they’re getting priority over natural light so they don’t develop a vitamin D deficiency. 12:00 Captain announcement: the ambulances outside aren’t for new cases. They weren’t done offloading passengers from the previous day. 32 out of 65 have been taken off so far. They are prioritizing disembarkation of guests/crew based on acuity. A small percentage of waste is being taken off by the trucks we thought were fuel trucks currently, giving us more time to stay in port. Our new time of departure is 1700-1800. IT system managers have gotten in contact regarding internet - Princesses goal is to provide the best internet at sea, but being as we’ve had such high traffic these last few days, internet disruptions have occurred. We were wondering about that! They are aware of the issue, and working on fixing it. Medications are nearly finished being dispensed. Any urgent medication is available if needed. The crew continues to receive high praise over social media/letters, and are keeping spirits high. The crew are grateful of the huge support. 12:45 Lunch has arrived! I think Reddit worked - NO RICE! 😍 And it’s really good! Tomorrow’s selections look great too. Princess continues to step up their game to handle this situation. Here’s the food that arrived. I’ll post some pics of food during the first few days of quarantine in a bit. 14:00 There is a bus being loaded with people who are disembarking. PS: Just to clarify on the WFAA interview.. we don’t think the conditions are brutal as stated by news reporters. We think Princess Cruises are doing an amazing job handling the situation, and doing their very best. Food is much better today, we have enough time on our balcony to get fresh air, and have plenty to keep us entertained. People in interior rooms are being given vitamin C, and have priority over open deck time for natural light. Ready for more space to stretch our legs, but we’re doing just fine! We think our interview may have been short due to poor connection. NBC on the other hand did a great job portraying how we’re doing! 16:13 Captain announcement - all 65 coronavirus positive passengers are now disembarked. Several more of our fellow cruisers were taken to local hospitals for shoreside care unrelated to the coronavirus. We’re worried that this may have been related to medication. The Japanese health ministry has provided us with 45 doctors, 55 nurses, and 45 pharmacists, most of which are volunteers. What a huge service! He reassured that the ventilation system is adequate for control of the virus. The internet continues to be upgraded/fixed, and will be up shortly. Apparently there was a power ranger in a boat entertaining people toddy while they were out on the open decks. People really were enjoying him until the police shoo’d him away. PS to Japanese readers, happy Founders Day! 18:25 We are completely finished offloading all guests who needed to be hospitalized. We are just about to set sail in a southeasterly direction to preform essential marine operations. According to the Japanese ministry of health, 1850 guests requested medication - all of these requests have been filled. Some medication was unable to be delivered due to brands not being available in Japan - generics are being hunted down. 8 days to go! Dinner is here, here it is! Looks are deceiving. We knew it would be a rough night, but we ended up just heating up some instant noodles that we had. I gave my wife my beef. This is the first time that I’ve seen my wife get visibly upset over food and miss good food. Usually I’m the foodie! 20:53 The Japanese coast guard boats are joining us tonight for if in the case we need assistance. Well underway to sea, and hardly can see land lights at this point. We will get back into Tokyo Bay and to daikoku pier, Yokohama at around 0900. It’s been a long day for us - we’re throwing in the towel early tonight. More updates to come in the morning - good night! 2/12/2020 7:00 Good morning everyone! Woke up and still at sea - looks like we have just two more hours before docking. We were contacted by a lot of people this morning. We’ll interview with CBC, WNBC, and world news radio over the next day or so. 8:00 Breakfast is here! It’s awesome again today! Sausage links, eggs, bacon, muffins, yogurt, fruit - everything! Couldn’t ask for better. It’s going to be a good day! 8:30 We’ve passed through Tokyo bay and are getting ready to dock at daikoku pier again. Not too many ambulances out, just a few waste trucks. Shoutout to the chick fil a on north belt line road, Irving Texas! The owner contacted me and offered a wedding gift + is providing a few meal nights for a bible study for adults with special needs that my wife and I volunteer at. How cool is that! 8:50 Docked! Unfortunately, they’ve turned the boat around today, so no views of the ground. Not sure how much news of the ground we’ll have - it’ll mainly be announcements. We can see Mt. Fuji from this side though! 9:37 The captain announced that the Japanese health ministry has confirmed 38 additional cases of coronavirus aboard, and they will be notified shortly. These guests will be disembarked today. We now have more bandwidth than any boat in the sea, with the most people connected on any given vessel, ever. He states that we are pushing the limits of technology. Teams all over the world are workingWe also got our laundry back! Around 5AM there was a fire threat alarm that woke us up - it was broadcasted outside of our room, though woke some of us up. Turns out there was a battery malfunction in an electoral locker that caused some smoke. The situation is now under control now, and relatively normal. 10:00 Someone on our Facebook group mentioned that they’ve heard someone loudly crying for two hours in the room next to them. Someone commented, confessing that it may have been them due to having kidney stones the last 24 hours. The awful thing is that she’s afraid to leave the boat for medical treatment, because she’s afraid that her quarantine would start over if she left. Good thing we picked up extra medical staff! 10:15 New N95 masks were delivered! That’s good - the masks we had before we getting kind of.. used! The US embassy emailed us and reassured us that everything is the same as of now. Japanese flags are flying out of a lot of balconies, and it’s a clear day. There’s an awesome view of Mt. Fuji! 11:00 A boat pulled up next to us and waved. They are holding up a sign with a phone number. 12:30 Captain announcement: no new updates on the coronavirus, however, some of our stations are having issues broadcasting due to local interference, but everything else is working great. PS Here’s lunch! I had a bowl of noodles with it. I gave most of mine to my wife - she loves mashed potatoes, and I wasn’t too crazy about it. Everything has a weird taste on this one, two meatballs well done, one rare. Had some leftover breakfast that did the job! Cracked open a coke to finish the job. The wife and I aren’t big soda drinkers, but they sure hit the spot! Now to watch chopped jr. 13:00 We’ve worked with the Japanese government + others to help us preform essential marine operations. Here’s a boat leaving our ship going out to sea, presumably. Notice at the front of the boat the people in full protective gear. 14:00 Looks like our friends across the hall in an interior room are getting out again today. Interior rooms are getting out about every day for an hour now - this is great! We received an update from the captain via paper saying that an outside time schedule will be delivered soon that way announcements wouldn’t interrupt us so much. Any time an announcement is made, it is repeated shortly after in Japanese. 15:00 No big updates. We have another ship next to us helping as previously mentioned. With the balcony facing the sun, it’s getting pretty warm in the room! Views are still pretty, though we can’t see Fuji anymore. 16:50 Captain confirmed 39 cases, with a total of 173 now. There was one officially added. Internet/streaming remains a little iffy, but is improving throughout the day. 17:00 Last group of the day has gone out to the open decks. Not much new today, but it looks like we get to go out first thing in the morning - we’re next! 18:47 We got another email from the embassy. There are 32 total American passengers that contracted the virus, all of which are getting excellent care according to the consular staff of the embassy. Of all confirmed cases in japan, 9 have recovered thus far. 19:00 Captain announcement: There are 26 patients that got offloaded today. The captain reiterated that the ventilation is good - the CDC isn’t worried due to lack of evidence supporting spread of the virus from room to room. He called today “not the best of days” due to the choppy internet, but teams across the globe continue to work hard on it. He thanked us all for the faith we have in the crew, and mentioned that soon we we will be back to everyday lives. 19:45 Apparently people over 75 are randomly being tested. We are wondering if they will test us all - some people aren’t following guidelines, and on open deck time no one seems to enforce the rules. Some people are maskless. If someone contracts the virus let’s say today, it could potentially not show up until 14 days from now. The implications of this could be devastating regarding the spread of the virus! Dinner! Breakfast definitely won today. Here’s a pic! 23:54 Late night today - just finished interviewing with CNBC. Possible interview with a documentary producer tomorrow. We’ve noticed a trend in the media contacting our parents, so that’s not so fun - not sure how the contact numbers are getting to them. Going to head to bed for the night - thank you all for your support! 2/13/2020 00:28 Check this out! Letter to all Diamond Princess crew regarding the quarantine. They will get two months of PTO! Here’s the letter. “We are deeply grateful and incredibly proud of all of you. We understand that each of you are under great stress in this extraordinary situation, and we hope you are taking some time to speak with your family and friends - as well as reaching out to our Crew Assistance resources. We have been working to determine how we can best support you once we are past this difficult time. You deserve, and will need, a break. So, we offer you two months of paid time off. This will include your salary and any average gratuities you may normally receive. We strongly encourage you to use the paid time off for much needed rest. If you decide to leave when the quarantine and later choose to rejoin a ship before the two months pass, you will still receive this extra pay. In addition, all reasonable charges to your onboard account for this voyage will be cleared. You will not incur any other charges during the quarantine period. We will also handle your flights to return home and your job will be protected to return for another contract. We learn more information every day, and we appreciate your patience as we do our best to keep you informed. Your colleagues across the fleet and all of us ashore send you our ongoing support and thanks.” -jan, CEO of Princess Cruises 08:00 Woke up to orange juice, a banana, banana muffin, yogurt, eggs, a croissant. and sausage. Good breakfast again! Looks a bit stormy today - I’m guessing it will rain for the first time since being in port. Here are some pics of dinner/outside. 09:02 Definitely raining. Our outside time is around 9:30 - good thing we bought umbrellas in Hong Kong! No new news as of yet. 9:15 Captain announcement: we’re now we’ll into the second week of our quarantine. He thanks of for our patience. He provided sympathies to those that are ill, their family, and friends. He shared guidance from health authorities - further cases were expected after quarantine began due to pre-quarantine exposure. He reinforced all regulations/procedures, and said that we are all in this together. Masks must be worn any time an external door is opened. He acknowledged that sometimes media is reporting before him, but the captain is working with authorities to provide accurate information as soon as possible. Accuracy and full transparency with us/crew are his top priority. Protocols are still being reviewed by the ministry of health to clean staterooms, as they haven’t been cleaned since 2/3. Linens and towels are still available upon request. Dietary surveys have been passed out, and must be completed by 1pm. Internet has intermittent breaks only due to the rotation of satellites. He says that we are all in this together, and everything is being done to support one another. 9:30 Slight change in plans - all passengers will go to the 7th deck rather than split between the 7th and 15th today due to rain. We will be on the starboard side. In other news, I got a call today that my great grandmother is now in hospice. She fell and broke her hip about a week ago, survived surgery, but is having trouble with rehab. Hoping to get off this boat to see her! She’s 97. 9:40 Seems to be a miscommunication between the bridge and staff - all guests were moved to the port side during this trip outside. 10:30 Just got back from outside - got to visit the port side of the 7th deck today. Very good view of whys going on down below, some of the best pics yet! We got some good walks in, and I tried to have a run. I had to stop pretty soon only because N95 masks were definitely not made to run with! They make it fairly hard to breathe faster than you would normally, making it feel like you can’t catch a breath of fresh air. Can’t wait until we can actually go outside and get a full lung of normal air! Part 2! https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/f3hcea/part_2_im_a_us_citizen_aboard_the_diamond/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf submitted by /u/Handfullofkeys to r/AMA [link] [comments]