Mother Of The Bride Hair

... to the ground layer. The bride and groom marched with their ... new husband and unbound her hair so it could fall into... Wa had vaporized by Ea's mother for requesting a letter of... for applying to jobs. Their mother expected them to be able ... in the eyes of her mother and siblings. It was why...

...; there were bugs in my hair. God…damn it. I brushed ... dreams left behind by time, Mother Nature moving herself in like ...?» {Do you want your animatronic bride or not? Dastardly, truly, to ...

...; there were bugs in my hair. God…damn it. I brushed ... dreams left behind by time, Mother Nature moving herself in like ...?» {Do you want your animatronic bride or not? Dastardly, truly, to ...

... Telemachus grows facial hair she should remarry, facial hair was a symbol... clothes ready for being a bride <*>Nausicaa lies to her father... slaves (Melanthius) <*>Tele greets his mother and acts as kyrios, he ... emotional when he sees his mother, he is shown as more...

... Telemachus grows facial hair she should remarry, facial hair was a symbol... clothes ready for being a bride <*>Nausicaa lies to her father... slaves (Melanthius) <*>Tele greets his mother and acts as kyrios, he ... emotional when he sees his mother, he is shown as more...

... in the eyes of the Mother and an insult to the ..., and Joffrey, all of brown hair and common eyes) was so ... Prince Daeron felt for the bride who had been forced upon ...

...and at times even silver hair would also hopefully help .... She, Aerion, and their mother, had personally watched and taken... Orys and raped a bride and her handmaids at a... brutal enough. Alas her mother had ordered it be done...better than these animals, her mother had reminded her with a...them, having idolized her mother from a young age, yet...room, intent on finding her mother and brother and making sure...

... her "It's wrong!" Annie yelled. "Mother is still out there, and... wear something else. 'Only the bride can wear red', he had... dress. Traditional Noxian colours. Her hair wasn't tied up as it ... want to be a good Mother for you, and I hope... with that." "You're not my Mother." Annie said coldly. "Maybe not, ... planning her expedition to find Mother and then once she was ...

... and moved a lock of hair behind her ear that had... only once she'd pushed the hair back that she paused, remembering ... rather than playing with her hair or dramatically gesticulating. "Thanks, Tay." ... family was stable; a loving mother and father who did all ... with Emma's favourite, The Princess Bride. Time ticked on. Taylor didn't ..., the shadows cast by her hair transforming them into dark pits. ...

... and moved a lock of hair behind her ear that had... only once she'd pushed the hair back that she paused, remembering ... rather than playing with her hair or dramatically gesticulating. "Thanks, Tay." ... family was stable; a loving mother and father who did all ... with Emma's favourite, The Princess Bride. Time ticked on. Taylor didn't ..., the shadows cast by her hair transforming them into dark pits. ...

... minimal resources. Green Hands, Green Hair [700] To call Garth Greenhand... the gods than relinquish his bride, can certainly be called "stubborn... his days screaming for his bride. Argoth may have gotten done... good. Blessing of the Mother (-1700) Among the Seven, the Mother Above is the representation...

... the Draconis Combine nodded. "Has mother done something new with the... with Hanse Davion." "And his bride." He remembered Dromini IV and.... Without a helmet, her blonde hair and facial tattoo were clearly... little son hears you! My mother hears you… and Margeret Aten ... a crowd hate a young mother with a baby in her ...

... stepped inside alone. Her golden hair seemed faded and less lustrous... longer… suited to be his bride." I let my voice quaver.... "I suspected as much, my mother taught me how the ways ... wheelhouse. I love my lady mother dearly, but when I compare... see, he also misses my mother dearly." The queen gave me ... coin. He'd sell his own mother if she would fetch a ...

... to Buffy, with slightly darker hair, the but same delicate features... conversation with a woman whose hair seemed to move independently of... whispered, pressing closer to her mother. "Dawn, that's rude," Joyce said... shadow. Her long, straight black hair fell past her waist, and... and uniquely Wednesday. Her dark hair, usually worn in two braids... the groom to see the bride before the wedding!" She looked...

... a traditional dance with his bride, Maeve. I would have liked... of the warnings that my mother had given, and for all ... seen so much as a hair of the Northmen!" A voice ...

... of other than my own mother, and her opinion of me... her. Their build and white hair are unmistakably Kal, with his... not? Him and his new bride of course." Taladina lets out... Mikiria will become his matron mother. I hope that from time...

... at a lazy distance, golden hair shining, lips curled in a... the balcony tugged at Lyarra's hair as she accepted Moonfang back... alliance. He wishes a Stark bride for Prince Joffrey." Sansa's face..., moonlight catching silver in her hair. "None save we two, and..., yes," Lyarra replied quietly. "My mother… I never knew." The chamber ... skin prickled as if every hair stood on end, and a...

... through. The Baratheon black hair was a rarity among the...full bloom, but if her mother was any indication, Jacaerys ... a dance from the bride, one from his daughter, his... I would not strike the mother of our future Queen. You ...picture of Targaryen beauty. Her hair was cut shorter than was ... than her sisters. Her hair of platinum and violet eyes ...House of the Dragon, the bride, the groom, and the union ...

Hi Reddit, I (22M) need to know if I’d be the a**hole here. For context, my best friend (23F) and I have been inseparable for years. When her boyfriend now fiancé proposed, she asked me to be her man of honor. Of course I said yes immediately. I’ve been helping her plan this wedding for the past year and a half alongside her mom, and I’ve already spent over $600 to be part of everything. Now, here’s the important part: I have bright blue hair. I’ve had it for the last three years, and I’ve been doing vivid fashion colors for over a decade. From the VERY beginning of wedding planning, I asked her multiple times if my hair would be an issue. Every single time, she told me no it wouldn’t be a problem. Fast forward to TWO WEEKS before the wedding. She suddenly comes to me and asks if I can dye my hair back to a natural color for the wedding. After a year and a half of saying it was fine. So now I’m stuck. I can dye it myself—it’s not about that—but it’ll still cost around $50 plus tax. It’s not a huge amount, but it’s the principle of the thing. She reassured me over and over that my hair was okay, and now, last minute, she’s changing her mind. So I’m considering asking her to cover half the cost of fixing my hair about $25 since this change is coming entirely from her and very last minute. Would that make me the a**hole? Or is it fair, considering I’ve already spent $600+ on her wedding and only agreed to everything under the assumption my hair wasn’t an issue? Reddit, be honest WIBTA ————————— UPDATE: So I just got off the phone with the bride-to-be, and when I asked her why she suddenly wanted me to change my hair color and what made her change her mind after repeatedly telling me it was a non-issue she had no idea what I was talking about. She sounded genuinely confused. I told her, “Hey, you texted me this morning asking me to change my hair color,” and she said she never did any such thing. Well… lo and behold, it turns out her mother took her phone and messaged me, pretending to be the bride. Honestly, I’m not terribly shocked. Her mom has made plenty of comments about the wedding party before. For example, she said one of the bridesmaids should remove her nose ring (even though it has cultural significance), and that another should either not wear or somehow hide her insulin pump under her dress. She’s also made repeated comments about me being a man instead of a woman, and how “unconventional” it is for me to be the Maid of Honor. Anyway, my best friend made it very clear that under no circumstances does she want me to change my hair color this close to the wedding. She said it would be a completely ridiculous ask. So, I’m going to the wedding with my blue hair, despite her mother’s wishes. I’m still the Man of Honor, and I can’t wait to stand beside her on one of the most important days of her life. Now all that’s left is finding her something old, something new, something borrowed… and I’m her something blue. 💙 ————————— UPDATE #2 So one of you suggested that either the bride or myself reach out to the rest of the wedding party to see if the mom had pulled anything similar with them… and yeah. She absolutely did. She contacted three of the bridesmaids and one of the groomsmen, basically trying the same thing she tried with me. It gets worse though she asked one bridesmaid to hide her insulin pump, another to cover her tattoos, and told a groomsman not to wear his hearing aids. At this point, the bride is seriously debating whether she even wants her mother at the wedding anymore. We’ve now confirmed with everyone in the wedding party that no changes are actually needed, and we love everyone the way they are and it’s pretty clear the mother of the bride is just on a full-blown power trip. Because of all this, the bride and I are reaching out to the venue to arrange security in case anything goes sideways. We both agreed it’s better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. As for what happens next, whatever the bride decides about her mom, I’m 100% backing her. This whole situation has been wild. Hopefully this is the final update thank you all for the advice and support. submitted by /u/RelativePlatform9463 to r/WIBTA_AITA [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/jasmin_cicada Originally posted to r/AITAH WIBTAH If I refuse to stop making my stepdaughter her school lunches? Trigger Warnings: child neglect, manipulation Original Post: February 27, 2026 For a quick context my 28F husband 36M has a daughter Leah 16 with his ex Linda 38F they split when Leah was about 7 and I married my husband two years ago. I used to work in an office so I had to bring food to my job but I work from home now so I still believe all the lunchboxes and stuff. I'm only calling Leah my stepdaughter for the post, but she just calls me auntie. Well, Leah came home one day shaking and very pale, so I asked her what happened to her and she told me she didn't eat anything because she hates her school food and she doesn't eat breakfast because school starts too early, I felt so bad for her and made her something to eat and then I asked her if she wanted me to make her a quick lunch for her to take to school and she said yes. So I prepared a quick lunch for her, a little sandwich, some fruit and some dip with veggies and some chips and a juice, she loved it and came home to hug me and told me everyone was praising her lunch. I made her a lunch every day she was with us last year. School just started again but she's currently with her mom, Linda called my husband and told her she tolerated my 'antics' last year but I can stop playing mom now, because she doesn't like it and Leah should just suck it up and eat what the school provides because she does have time to compete with my bullshit. Well, Leah is coming home tomorrow, and I asked her if she wants me to stop the lunches and that I would apologize if I overstep, she asked me to please don't stop and that she loves them. She said her mom is mad because she asked her mom for some ingredient to make her own lunches in her house and Linda refused I talked with my husband, and we agreed on not stopping because there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing and now he has to talk with his ex about it. I feel a little guilty now because I know Linda would cause some sort of trouble with my husband because of this but at the same time I don't want to stop just because she doesn't like it so wibtah? Edit: I will talk to my husband tonight after he gets home from work. After reading the comments and remembering things after responding to some comments I realized this is overdue. I feel like we should've done something earlier because Leah's well-being should be our top priority not whether or Linda would throw a tantrum. Thank you for helping me see everything clearer I'll show this post to my husband as well tonight Also to clarify some things: 1) Leah is 16 and she can make her own lunches: yes she can and she does sometimes but I like doing it for her just to pamper her a little bit. 2) Why don't you buy her the ingredients for her mom's house: my husband tried, even offered to buy another fridge when Linda said it would take up all the space in there but then she still refused to accept it. 3) Leah should live with just me and my husband: maybe but at the end of the day it's her decision, I'll talk to my husband, and we'll talk to her later in the week, but we can't really force her if she wants to continue going to her mom's AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Editor's note: OOP made lots of comments, I am adding for more context to help with the original post Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Sounds like you are more of a mom to her. NTA. Take care of the kid. Let the ex freak out. Just make sure to document everything OOP: I didn't think about that but you're right Commenter 2: How could you possibly be the AH for making sure a child fas something to eat. Just because her bio mom doesn't care enough or is too lazy to make sure her child eats, diesnt mean you have to be. I mean what's she going to say in court? That you're providing her kid a lunch, and she doesn't want her child to eat? Commenter 3: Just because her bio mom doesn't care enough or is too lazy to make sure her child eats, diesnt mean you have to be. Benefit of the doubt. Divorce is expensive and she might have gotten the shit end of the stick with it, so funds are tight. School might provide free lunch/breakfast and the kids mom might not be able to afford the extra expense of a packed lunch. Let's show a bit more grace before saying she doesn't care or is lazy. Technically, the child does have food to eat, she just turns her nose up at it. OOP: They were never married so they didn't divorce, my husband pays for everything Leah wants/needs plus child support twice the amount the judge told him he had to pay. I feel like my husband was generous enough with her Commenter 4: I'm pretty sure NTA. Her mother is the one that made it a competition, and she's an AH for that. Collectively, her parents, you, and anyone else that's in a parental like role should be cooperating to support your step-daughter. If the system in your home that you and her father work out is for you to make her lunches on those days, fine. I could possibly see an issue if the mother had paid for the school lunch, and now that was being wasted. But again, the solution is to communicate and work out those logistics to help raise SD. OOP: The lunch is free paid by the government so not money wasted Commenter 5: So, from the mom's point of view any money spent on food she takes in is wasted because she could have eaten for 'free'. It is really sad when children have to worry about where the money for food is coming from. 16 is old enough to be making her own lunch. She is also old enough to understand her parents may not have the greatest relationship. If this is getting into "talk to a lawyer" expensive, have you considered maybe asking her to tell her mom she is making her own lunch from ingredients her dad pays for?? OOP: My husband talked to her about it, I think my husband also tried to compromise with buying the ingredients for her and buying Leah a fridge for her room to keep the food but Linda said he was making their daughter selfish and lazy, I feel it's time to revisit you custody specially now that she's 16 but I didn't say anything before because I didn't want to be like an evil stepmother trying to separate her from her mom. I have to admit I feel a little anxious when it comes to Leah because I don't want her to hate me if I'm too pushy or something like that, I imagine it's weird for her because I'm only about 12 years older than her and I'm technically not old enough to be her parent. But she's really sweet and I hate the fact that she's most likely going hungry half a month every month OOP on why Leah won't be able to make her own lunch? OOP: She can in our home but I like making them cute, and in her mom's house she has more siblings for what I remember she can't just take things without asking and stuff like that Commenter 6: NTA. Don't stop feeding a hungry child good food when an adult wants you to stop purely for selfish reasons and not for the child's benefit. Tell your husband to get involved if his ex is being shitty about it and I hope he is supporting you/ his daughter. Edit. Why don't you and Leah go out shopping and plan lunches / meals together and she can make her own up some days if she likes? Sounds like mum doesn't like to get anything out of her usual routine so maybe give Leah some options to try some new things like falafel wraps, houmous (I use these as examples as my mum's friend would always serve falafels which I never had at home and I was brought up on houmous which half my friends hated or loved), raw fruit and veg snacks with dips? I liked marinated cooked meat in my lunchbox sometimes instead of a sandwich like a thigh or something. Sounds like she wants to try new things and needs a guide or at least the opportunity to try. OOP: We already go once a week to buy her essentials, I said sandwiches as an example but I vary my lunches depending on what we bought. She made her own lunch a couple times and she helps me cook on weekends as well but maybe I can give her more freedom, this is my first time being something sort of a parent figure so I'm doing my best. I buy her things to hide in her bag as well because if her mom finds them she would make her share with her other siblings OOP gives an example on why Linda doesn't buy anything for Leah OOP: She doesn't buy anything for Leah, tampons, pads, skincare, shampoo nothing, I buy them with my husband, and I have to hide them in her bag. Apparently they all use the same bar soap and have one shampoo and conditioner but it's horrible for Leah's hair because she has curly hair and her mom didn't believe she needed a different product. I think she buys pads for herself and tells Leah she can use them but then says she used too many. Craaaazy Lady Commenter 7: NTA. Her mom is jealous that you are doing more than what she does for her own daughter. She’s definitely old enough to make her own lunches, though. Maybe you can keep some things in the house and tell her that you went to store and picked up these things so she can make her own lunch. She has to learn to feed herself at some point. OOP: She knows how to cook, she isn't spoiled or lazy, she cooks with me sometimes and alone other times, she cleans and she has excellent grades, she is very independent and she takes care of her siblings when she's with her so she can do it. I just like taking care of her too Downvoted Commenter: YTA you would stop caring for your stepdaughter and punish your stepdaughter because your husbands ex is bitter. I feel bad for the stepdaughter since you are so willing to abandon her just because her mom is bitter OOP: I only would've stopped if Leah told me she doesn't want me to make them anymore but I'm not a mom so I'm not sure what or if some things are overstepping boundaries or something like that, that's why I asked, I talked with my husband, but he never disagrees with me, so he's also biased   Update: April 1, 2026 (over one month later) [UPDATE] WIBTAH If I refuse to stop making my stepdaughter her school lunches? The situation is somewhat resolved now so I can make an update. First of all my husband decided to talk to Leah, they talked for about an hour and came to the decision that Leah would stay with us permanently for now. He contacted a lawyer friend of his to talk about his options and because Leah is old enough to decide for herself he said things shouldn't be too complicated. My husband contacted Linda to tell her about the decision, and she didn't take it well understandably, she started to come to our house and tried to pick up Leah out of school, but she refused so the school contact my husband, it was a whole mess. I work from home so I was always home when she came to scream here, she knew I was home because she accused me of stealing her daughter, of being a homewrecker (not even close lol) and she called my husband a creep for having a "child bride" I couldn't handle it anymore, so I called the police but the stressed made me very sick and I almost fainted. At the hospital we found out I'm 10 weeks pregnant, we weren't really trying but we weren't preventing it either I'm a little anxious but kinda excited. because of the pregnancy my husband is considering filling for a restarting order as well not only for full custody, we haven't announced the pregnancy yet because we don't know if Linda would try anything, I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but her recent behavior is scary. we're also considering moving maybe even to a different city but for now we are still dealing with Linda. Our lawyer send her a cease and desist, and she's been quiet for the past week but maybe she's just plotting something. With my husband we decided Leah and will be staying with my mom for now and he'll go check on the house and then come to my mom's at night. And I think that's all, I'm already home with my mom and Leah and Thursday to Sunday are Holidays here so my husband will be joining us too. Everything is quiet and I feel I'll tell Leah and my mom about the pregnancy this weekend. if anything significant happen again I'll update in my profile but for now I just want to relax and enjoy my pregnancy with my family Wish us luck!   Editor's note: OOP did not leave any relevant comments in this update   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I’m getting married this summer and I’ve been trying hard to be a “chill bride.” My family and myself are doing most of the planning. My cousin is letting us stay at her house in Antioch, TN, just outside in Nashville so we’re saving money before the bachelorette party and another cousin has a van and we’re all driving down together so we just have to split the cost of gas. None of us are exactly swimming in cash and I wanted to keep costs down as much as possible. I also told my bridesmaids, if there’s anything about my wedding stressing you out, let me know. I’m the only one that should be stressing and before this little scenario, I was feeling pretty good. Anyway, I found these perfect cocktail dresses at Anthropologie, inclusive sizing, great color and the holy Grail they were on sale. I made a deal with the bridesmaids. I buy the dresses if they covered any necessary alterations, everyone was happy. I gave everyone their dresses. Everyone looks fabulous and we’re all happy, who said planning a wedding was hard? Enter Roxy: back in December I saw a photo of Roxy at her work Christmas party wearing the bridesmaids dress. I’ll admit it bugged me. I wanted the big reveal at the wedding to feel special not like a rerun of an HR office mixer, but I bit my tongue because none of our mutual friends were there so I’m not going to stress myself out about something I felt like was kind of petty. The problem is we have a mutual friend getting married in June, one month before my wedding. A lot of my wedding guests will be at this wedding, and when I asked Roxy what she was wearing she casually said “Oh I’m just wearing the bridesmaids dress from your wedding. I look hot in it and it’s my favorite.” I paused . I told her I didn’t want her wear the bridesmaid uniform as a guest to a wedding filled with our mutual friends right before my big day Well, now Roxy thinks I’m being a bridezilla. She pointed out that I did say I wanted them to have a dress that they could wear again ( I meant after the wedding obviously) she then dropped the bombshell that she’s already worn it to several events. I might’ve snapped. I told her that since I bought the dress, I didn’t want her to wear it again until after my wedding she hit back in that since she paid for the alterations, she’s invested just as much money into the dress as I did which thanks to the sale might actually be true. My other bridesmaids are on my side, but Roxy thinks I’m overreacting because it’s just a dress. Am I the asshole for wanting the first time our friend group sees her in the dress to be when she’s standing at the altar with me. Mini update I guess - we’re meeting for dinner tomorrow to talk. She actually reached out to me, so fingers crossed 🤞 Update: She’s not wearing the dress to the June wedding and she even apologized. Yay! That’s the update. I’m going to go on to elaborate but if you don’t like ramblers, I would stop reading here. I like to ramble. Plus I had a few delicious cocktails at dinner tonight (it was happy hour) and tipsy me loves to go off topic and since there’s no one here telling me to stop and focus, who knows what’s going to come out. Im pretty sure this is going to be a long read. I’m using text to talk on my iPad because I hate typing on my iPad. I have a laptop but it’s old and every time I turn it on, it updates for what feels like a year, and by the time it lets me do what I need to do, I’ve lost interest or gone and did it on my phone or tablet, so it’s not worth it. Also I’m not going to apologize for grammar and spelling mistakes. Anyone who comes to Reddit posts and schools people on grammatical errors must get a kick out of it, so have fun, I’m sure this will be full of them. I get there, their and they’re confused sometimes. It makes my sister insane ands she loves to correct me when I do that. Sometimes when she’s feeling down, I do it on purpose just to give her a pick me up, so I get it. Back to the story, when I got there, she was already there, which is unusual because I’m usually the early one. I hate being late. I also hate when other people are late so I tend to get to things early because how can I judge other people for being late if I’m late? That’s no fun. But I was watching Ladies of London and the etiquette lady said that being early is also rude. Who knew. She actually said if you’re going to a dinner party, you should actually be about 15 minutes late so the hosts have time for unexpected things that come up. If you get there too early, they feel like they have to entertain you instead of wrapping up whatever they need to finish. I thought that was interesting and wanted to share. But let me get back to the update. I walk in, she stands up and gives me a hug and apologizes. So of course, I immediately start to tear up which makes her tear up and we’re just standing there hugging and crying in the middle of the restaurant. When we finally sit down, she tells me what’s going on. Apparently she’s been a little depressed for the past few months. She feels like she’s the only single person in our friend group, and I hadn’t thought about it but she kind of is. She said even our friend who is asexual has a partner. Again true. But it’s not like Roxy doesn’t date, and I’m not going to say she’s picky. She just feels like if she can tell that her and the guy aren’t compatible, there’s no reason to waste time. I’ll tell you why it hasn’t worked out with the last 3 guys she’s gone out. Guy number 1. Great guy, owned his own business, and I thought he was very handsome. But he’s not a pet guy. And if you do have a dog, he thinks it shouldn’t live in the house. It should be outside with a nice dog house. And the dog definitely shouldn’t get on the furniture. Her dog is her baby so he had to go. I agree, my fiancé knows to never make me choose between he and my dog. It would not be pretty. Guy number 2 hated his ex wife too much. She said he was always bringing her up but never in a good way. He seemed to always bring her up in conversations. Like they went to the movies, and he said his ex always said she loved movies, that’s why her and her girlfriends went so much, but it turns out she wasn’t really going to the movies, she was going out to cheat. Or they were going for a hike and she had her hair in a ponytail. He told her how cute she looked then said his ex wore ponytails all the time, unless she was meeting up with the guy she was cheating on him with, she always wore her hair down for him. She swears any topic of conversation, he could bring back to his ex cheating on him. She felt like he wasn’t over his ex wife so she cut it off. And guy number 3 just enjoyed fart humor too much for her liking. I don’t think I have to elaborate. My boo loves a good fart joke too, but I find it endearing. She thinks it’s immature. So anyway (I’m going to say that a lot, that’s how I get back on subject) she had been in a funk and I’m sure me talking about my upcoming wedding constantly didn’t help. She didn’t say that, but I do talk about it a lot. I mean look at me, I’m on Reddit talking about it now. So getting back to Roxy, she was in a funk. She picked up the dress from the seamstress and tried it on to see how it fit and she said she felt so pretty. She hadn’t felt pretty in a long time. Isn’t it funny how some outfits just make you feel good? I feel like that in my wedding dress, which I got at a consignment shop, can you believe it? I took it this seamstress and she worked magic on this dress. It was pretty before but now it’s beyond. Now you see what I did there, talking about my wedding again. I’m trying to do better. So anyway, when her holiday office party came along, she so didn’t want to go and procrastinated until the last minute to find something to wear. She went shopping and couldn’t find anything she liked. She even went to Anthropologie and couldn’t find anything in the store she liked and because she waited so long, didn’t have time to wait for an online order. And she knew it was wrong but she wore the dress and everyone loved it. She got so many compliments. Her work crush flirted and danced with her. Even the women there liked it. She hit it off with one of her work colleagues, “Aja” and they’ve hung out a lot since the party. They didn’t talk much before that night because they’re in completely different departments. But now they’ve gone to dinner several times and movies. They even hung out at Aja’s apartment and watched Bridgerton with their dogs who are also good friends now. She also feels like upper management noticed her too because since the office party, they’ve put her on bigger projects. So anyway, life’s been pretty good since she wore “the dress”. And this past weekend, when we were hanging out and I’m of course droning on and on about my wedding and then bring up what to wear to another’s friend’s wedding, that funk came back and she snapped a little bit. She said it really started off as a joke when she said she was going to wear the bridesmaids dress, but my reaction pissed her off. Looking back at my original post, I didn’t elaborate on my reaction. I was hopping mad yall. And I didn’t ask her not to wear it. I TOLD her she wasn’t wearing it because I paid for it. She said I made her feel like a child and I was her mother and she had to do what I told her to do because I said so. Therefore she acted like a child and threw a tantrum. She also hasn’t worn it anywhere else. Again she just said that to piss me off. After the party, she did take it to the dry cleaners, but it’s been hanging in her closet since. Even though I come off looking like an ass, I’m so happy. I even told her about the Reddit post. She thought it was hilarious. She said she knew I must have been mad because I gave her a Misfit name and not a Hologram name. It’s from a cartoon wet both lived add kids. She feels like Reddit was right since most people called her the asshole. I apologized to and told her the ESH people were right. We were both assholes who deserve each other, but I still feel like it’s a happy ending. submitted by /u/Due_Bedroom3146 to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

My sister, "Chloe" (27F), got married last weekend. Chloe has always been a bit of a perfectionist, but she went into full bridezilla mode during the planning. For her bridesmaids, she chose a very specific dress: a floor-length, silk gown in a shade she called "Sunset Champagne." The problem is, I (25F) am very fair-skinned with blonde hair. When I tried the sample on, I looked completely washed out—almost like a ghost. I mentioned this to Chloe months ago, but she snapped and said the "aesthetic" of the photos was more important than my complexion. I bought the dress, had it tailored, and showed up on the wedding day. When Chloe saw me in the full hair and makeup she had also mandated, she turned pale. In the natural light, the dress almost perfectly matched my skin tone, making it look like I was naked from a distance, especially in the bright sun of the outdoor ceremony. During the reception, Chloe’s new mother-in-law made a comment about how "bold" my choice of attire was. Chloe lost it. She accused me of "malicious compliance" and claimed I should have known the dress would look scandalous on me and "secretly" bought a different shade or added a wrap. She is now demanding I pay for the professional photo editing to change the color of my dress in all the wedding shots because I "ruined the focal point of the ceremony." My parents are split; my dad thinks Chloe is being insane, but my mom says I should have "used common sense" and pushed harder to change the dress earlier. I told her I wore exactly what she told me to wear and I’m not paying a cent. Now she’s told the rest of the bridal party I’m a "saboteur." AITAH for wearing the exact dress the bride picked out? submitted by /u/AJM100223 to r/story [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/advice_a AITA for not wanting to participate in my niece’s wedding after she excluded my daughter? Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole Original Post - rareddit June 30, 2019 Mine and my sister’s families are very close. Our kids are more like siblings than cousins. My eldest niece got engaged, and we were all thrilled for her. My daughter and I spent hours on the phone with her helping her with early wedding planning. My niece even mentioned to my daughter that she was having a hard time finding enough bridesmaids because many of her friends are pregnant. Then we all stared finding out who my niece had chosen to be in the wedding party. Everyone in the family was included except for my daughter. My niece asked me and her two sisters to be bridesmaids, asked my son to be a groomsman, included her parents of course, and even asked my ex (who has been estranged from my side of the family since the divorce) to be the usher. She made a wedding website with photos/descriptions of all of the people in the wedding party. My daughter is the only one not on there. My niece didn’t directly tell my daughter that she wasn’t included. Instead she created a text group with all of the women in our families except for my daughter to plan hair/makeup/etc for the day of. My daughter was with me and my other nieces when we got the text and didn’t have her phone on her, so she assumed she was included as well. Turns out she wasn’t. When I reached out to my niece for clarification, she stated that my daughter was not going to be included. When I asked her if my daughter could at least get ready alongside us in the bridal suite (doing her own hair and makeup), my niece said no. Her exact words were “there won’t be any room for her.” My daughter is understandably crushed and has no idea why she would be the only one not included. When she and my niece finally spoke about it, my niece wouldn’t explain why she had done this or apologize. Her only words were “It was my decision to make. I’m sorry that you feel upset about it. I hope you can get over it.” I never saw my niece as a mean person but I am questioning my view of her now. I don’t want to participate in a wedding where my daughter has been singled out/excluded for no real reason. I can’t think of anything my daughter could have done to offend my niece. It seems that my niece can’t come up with a single reason for excluding her either. When my niece asked me to be a bridesmaid, I didn’t know that she was planning on asking everyone else in the family except for my daughter. I wouldn’t have accepted if I had known this. Am I the asshole if I tell my niece that I won’t be able to fulfill my commitment as a bridesmaid and just attend as a guest? I’ve already posed this with my daughter and she thinks that me and her brother should both still participate because she doesn’t want to be blamed for our dropping out. If I do decide not to participate, I will be making it clear to my niece that it was 100% my decision to drop out because I feel personally disrespected that she would treat my daughter this way. I’m torn on how to handle this. (Edit: daughter is 22 and niece is 34) VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE RELEVANT COMMENTS Teapur INFO - is your daughter what most people would consider prettier than the bride? Could it be jealously? Even if it is, NTA, by the way. OOP I will say my daughter is beautiful and I’ve seen from experience a definite “head turner” soullessginger93 ding ding ding We have an answer! Your neice doesn't want a bridesmaid that is prettier then her. Basically, neice has become a Bridezilla. I would personally bow out of a wedding with a bride as petty as this. dabbler_dame I wonder if there was something that happened between them.. that your daughter doesn't feel comfy bringing up and neither does the bride. I mean..when pressed- the daughter doesn't seem that bothered, because maybe she was the one who caused problems?? The theory of "she is too pretty" just doesn't sit well with me.. I think something shady happened between them. OOP Maybe I wasn’t clear— my daughter is very upset. She tries not to make a big deal out of it but she has expressed many times to me that she is very hurt and doesn’t understand why her cousin had excluded her. ~ PRMinx INFO Have your niece and your daughter historically had a good relationship? OOP Yes, historically they have been very close. I had a hand in my niece’s upbringing so she was always like an older sister to my daughter. For reference, my daughter’s high school graduation gift was a trip to go visit my niece. PRMinx It’s really hard to make a judgement call here. I think something happened between the two of them and they aren’t telling you the true story. You’re NTA, but there will be consequences if you don’t go as intended. Your daughter may get upset you made it into a bigger deal (as she said) and the family could rift. OOP My daughter and I are very close and I think she would have expressed to me if she had any idea of why she was excluded. When we’ve talked about it she seems most hurt because she doesn’t understand why. It may also be important to note that I overheard most of their conversation when my niece and my daughter discussed it. When my daughter asked why she wasn’t included my niece refused to answer and only said “it was my decision to make”. Maybe the niece is afraid of being overshadowed My other two nieces (the bride’s sisters) are also in their twenties but there would be no way for the bride to exclude them. I hope the overshadowed part isn’t the case, but I’m starting to think it is. I don’t want to see my niece as someone who is petty enough to exclude my daughter simply based on that. Update - rareddit Aug 28, 2019 (2 months later) Hey everyone! This is the daughter writing the update. My mom didn’t know how to do an update post and asked me to write it for her. We’re both here to respond to comments if you have any. I saw that a few people asked what my aunt’s opinion was after the verdict was given on this post! Here is the answer to that question: My aunt said that she had told my cousin from the beginning that excluding me was going to hurt my feelings and suggested to her that I be a bridesmaid instead of my mother. My cousin turned down this suggestion but would not say why. I also saw some people wondering if something had gone down between my cousin and me that I wasn’t telling my mom. This is definitely valid question! The answer is no, she and I haven’t had any problems prior to this (that I know of, at least). She has always been like a sister to me. If she ever had a problem with me or anything I’ve done I would hope she would tell me. Another question I saw was about my relationship with my father. He and I have a very tense relationship due largely to some mental heath problems that he has. Prior to all of this I had confided in my cousin a lot about this. This made her decision to include him over me hurtful in a very poignant way. After reading all of your comments and some more deliberation, my mom ended up staying in the wedding party. I appreciate her desire to stand up for me but I really did want my cousin’s wedding to go smoothly (despite my feelings being very hurt). My mom respected my wishes. She is an amazing mom all around and I am lucky to have her in my corner. After the conversation I had with my cousin (described in the last post) I was on the fence about attending the wedding. I then heard from other relatives that she was concerned that I would “sabotage the wedding” if I were to attend. I found this comment to be bizarre and confusing. At this point I decided that it would be best to remove myself from the situation entirely. I told her that I wouldn’t be attending and left it at that. It was a hard decision to make, but your reactions to the original post made me feel more confident in my choice. The wedding did end up going smoothly. I heard from multiple sources that there was plenty of extra room in the bridal suite. I wish I could have been there with my family to support her on her big day. She and I have both been part of each other’s major life milestones for as long as I can remember. I still haven’t figured out why I was the only one excluded but I have come to the conclusion that she and I must not be as close as I had always thought we were. At this point I’m not sure that I want to be. Your feedback on the original post played a large part in me realizing that. Thanks to everyone for reading and for all of your responses! We got great insight from everyone who commented (especially those with different perspectives from our own). If you guys have any more questions feel free to comment! RELEVANT COMMENTS passivelyrepressed Guarantee you her husband thinks you’re hot. That’s the only thing that makes sense if everything you’re saying is true so I’m curious - how’s your relationship with him? Like is he close to your age? Do y’all have a past? Does he act weird around you? That’s the only reason I can think of that would make a chick act like that out of the blue. OOP He and I have a good relationship. Not super close but we’re always friendly and laugh/joke around when we see each other. He’s a really nice guy. We have no past and I’ve been with my boyfriend longer than my cousin’s husband has been around. gimmieurtots Will you invite your cousin when you get married? The answer better be a resounding fuck no. OOP Not sure if there will be room for her. Can’t be sure whether or not she’ll sabotage it. Sorry if she feels upset about it. It’ll be my decision to make. Hope she can get over it. PeppermintLane My petty ass is cackling. ~ RonnieJamesDevo INFO hey OP, you’re gonna get deluged because this was a fascinating post. So in light of this weird turn of events, is there any of your cousin’s behaviors in hindsight that have any hint of her being a jerk, throughout your relationship? Do relatives have any theories? I can’t imagine this not being hot family gossip - and honestly, far more distracting than you as a bridesmaid ever would have been. OOP Honestly, yes. I have gradually seen her becoming more self centered and materialistic over the years but have tried to ignore it because I didn’t want to see her that way. I can think of a few examples. The past few holidays that she has come to visit my family (she lives out of state) she has gone out of her way to make a “schedule” of who is invited to see her, when, and what they’re doing. I see this as very self centered and it has rubbed me the wrong way but I mostly just tried to let it go. I also asked her to look over my personal statement for my application to graduate school a few years ago because I looked up to her tremendously and wanted her input. She said she would do it but then put it off/made excuses until I finally submitted it without her input. She’s a very organized person and that was not characteristic of her. I let that go as well and tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. As for this situation, my family is generally confused and feels that she owes me an apology. No one really understands what she was thinking. Vienta1988 Does she value her education quite a bit? I have a cousin who changed her name on Facebook to the initials of the various master’s degrees that she has because she is, well, a little pretentious... she didn’t seem to want much to do with me shortly after I started pursuing a doctoral program (and I was the first in my family to do so); I don’t want to be petty, but I feel like she maybe thought that I “upstaged her” by getting a higher degree. That could have been the start of your cousin’s jealousy. Also, you being younger and prettier would only add to her feelings of jealousy! OOP She was the first in our family to get her bachelors. Part of me wonders if she may resent no longer being the “most educated” in the family. That’s not the kind of thing that matters to me— I pursued an education in my field because I’m passionate about working with children, not for the title. But I know it matters to her. 213471118 INFO Ok I know this isn’t an actual judgment post but damn it we all wanna know — so how much hotter are you than your cousin? OOP This is a loaded question! All I’ll say is this: I have never felt the need to compare myself to her. Yes, I am conventionally attractive. I had always thought that she was pretty but now her personality makes her ugly to me. Got engaged! June 16, 2020 (1 year later) Hi everyone! This is the daughter. For those who were interested enough after our AITA posts to follow- a few of the people who commented on our update post wanted to be updated when I was planning my own wedding. Now I am! I’m so excited to get to marry my fiancé. If you have any more suggestions or insight for me let me know. It’s a weird time to be thinking about planning a wedding but he and I are both really excited for the rest of our lives together :-) FINAL COMMENTS HeadBonkat Now the million dollar question...does the cousin get invited (hopefully she is definitely only a guest if she invited at all)? Have you mended the relationship at all? OOP We have not mended the relationship at all. I’ve made it clear that I am willing to move on if she apologizes, but unfortunately she has not done that. At this point I don’t plan to invite her. ~ reallynotsohappyat Congratulations for the engagement. I wish you and your SO all the happiness. I couldn't find it on the updates or the comments. Maybe I missed it but did you ever learn why you were excluded this harshly and they thought you would "sabotage" the wedding if you were to attend? OOP Thank you for the congratulations! We’re very excited. And no, I never found out why she excluded me or said those things. To be honest, I am not even sure that she is consciously aware of why she did it. Surely if there had been a real reason, it would have come out by now. At this point I just feel kind of sad for her. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/PlaneRoof8162 & Half-Sister is u/Efficient_Trick4819 Originally posted to r/AITAH Previous BoRU [New Update]: AITA for telling my dad's ex that she could have been my mom if she didn't cheat on my dad? NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Editor’s note: received permission from OOP to share his posts here. Just a reminder, do NOT comment in the linked posts or message OOP. Trigger Warnings: infidelity, body shaming, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, betrayal, possible harassment RECAP Original Post: September 8, 2024 Let me describe my family a bit. I am the youngest of four children, by far the youngest. I have two older brothers and one older sister. My mom is my dad's second wife. From his first wife, I have an older half-sister, who is three years older than my oldest full sibling. His first wife (his childhood friend) cheated on him way before, and after my dad made sure my half-sister was his, he divorced her. He met my mom and a few year later they tied the knot, and the rest is history. My half-sister has always been welcome in our house. She gets along really well with all of us and even calls my mom Auntie. Her mom, though, has always been a bit of a harpie. She hates my mom for many reasons outside of "she stole my man." My mom is a retired fitness model and current Pilates instructor. so she looks really good for her age while she's more average and plump. So she would always make snarky remarks like "Oh did you gain weight?" or "Are you pregnant again?" even though my mom never stopped taking care of herself. With me though, she dotes on me and calls me the son she never had. With my older siblings, she mostly just ignore them. So my half-sister is getting married, and my dad and his ex agreed to split the cost of the wedding 50:50. My dad doesn't care about planning for the wedding, so he left it all to the ex and the bride. During one of our meet-and-greet dinners, my half-sister revealed that she also invited my dad's estranged brother and parents. I can still remember my dad shooting a glare of pure anger at her. I asked my mom later why he reacted like that. I never met my uncle or grandparents on my dad's side, but from how my mom spoke, my dad's ex cheated on him with his brother, and his parents knew it for years before confessing. So my half-sister could really have been my aunt or something if the sperm chase went wrong. My dad's ex was together with my dad's brother for a while after she and my dad divorced, but split soon after. And my dad refused to forgive his family for fooling him like that, and he went no contact with them for 25 years. So back to the dinner, my dad asked in a very stern, yet quiet voice why she would, and my half-sister wanted to make her wedding more meaningful by also having a family reunion. And her mother supported her. She told my dad to bury the hatchet, at least for her daughter. My dad said she didn't have any right to tell him how to act. On her way out, my dad's ex and I bumped into each other, and she commented to me how she hoped that I wouldn't have a chip on my shoulder like my dad does. If not for that, they could still be one whole, happy family. I didn't like her tone and reminded her that she was the one who cheated and broke the family. And I told her that she could have been my mom. The last part made her cry like crazy as she ran out of the house. My dad asked me what happened, and I told him, and he just grunted. Did I go too far? AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Relevant Comments OOP on his father facing his estranged brother and parents at the wedding OOP: Well....my dad is struggling with that at the moment. He really doesn't want to to see his brother and parents because he says there are lines that family don't cross. OOP on the possibility of his half-sister being mean OOP: My half sister is actually really nice! My dad used to say that she was the only good thing from his first marriage. Maybe a bit clueless here and there. About her mother...I more or less go with what I've seen her do to me and my family. She's a mixed bag in that regard. She doesn't really interact with my brothers as they scare her too much; my sisters looks so much like my mom, so she doesn't acknowledge her. To me though, she always treated me a lot better. She even compared me and my dad when he was younger.   Update #1: September 10, 2024 (two days later) Wow! I didn't expect so much response for my first ever post on reddit! Thank you so much for all your comments. I am glad that at least I wasn't being cruel. My dad's ex just bawled so much and suddenly that I thought I did something awful, and I was worried. As of now, I don't really know what my dad is going to do. I know that my mom and dad are talking about it, but he really seems conflicted. I thought about asking him, but my oldest brother told me not to. He said that I had nothing to do with it, so I shouldn't bother him. But my full siblings and I just talked to my half sibling about what she had done in our whatsapp chat tonight. First, my full sister tore my half sister a new one, calling all sorts of names before my brother told her to stop or leave the chat. Then he asked her why she did what she did. Turns out that her "idea" of including a family reunion in her wedding was an idea from our paternal grandparents and her mom. Unlike myself and my full siblings, my half sister regularly visited her grandparents and talked to them a lot about us. My grandparents apparently wanted to see us really bad, and her mom popped the idea. Then my second oldest brother said that while it was her wedding and she could invite whom she liked, she didn't take our father's feelings into account. There was a reason that he went no contact with them for all these years. And it wasn't up to her to try to fix burnt bridges. My half-sister then asked if he was going to pull money out of the wedding, and my sister sent a brutal message "Is that the most important thing right now, you *****". I added that our father hasn't told us anything. Then my half-sister said that she shouldn't have even done this to begin with, and my sister commented. "You think?!" She wondered if she could unsend wedding invitations to her grandparents and uncle, but then her mom might pull her money. I sent a chat to my full-sibling's only chat, if dad could fund the whole wedding if that meant not inviting his brother and parents. My oldest brother told me to "can it and don't bother dad". She also asked how our dad has been, and I said that he is very conflicted and talking only to my mom about it. I then asked if her mom was okay since I made her cry. She said that her mom calmed down when they returned home. Apparently they got into an argument when she called my dad a stubborn sob. To be honest, I think she is in a very tight spot. She can either piss off our dad or her mom. I don't know what my dad is going to do, and my oldest brother already reminded me twice that this wasn't my business. I honestly think dad would be up for paying for the entire wedding if his estrange family didn't come. Of course it's his money though. Or maybe he is just so angry that he might pull out all together. Edit: - I didn't post the entire conversation that my full siblings and I had with my half sister. I pulled only the relevant parts. - What I was thinking when I thought my dad could pay for the entire wedding was "Does dad hate his family to the point where he would pay for everything just for them not to be there?" I wasn't actually suggesting he pay for everything! That's stupid. - Looks like a lot of you are wondering if my half-sister knew what happened between my dad and his family. She knows that they hurt him badly, and he's never forgiven them. But not the specifics of how they had hurt him. She knew the cheating part, but not the "family lied to him for years" part. Apparently that's not something her mom or my dad's family discussed with her. Relevant Comments OOP on why his family had interactions with his father’s ex/half-sister’s mother OOP: My dad's ex has always visited my family because of the custody reasons. After my sister became an adult, that obviously stopped, but she started visiting again because of the wedding.   Posted by Half-Sister (u/Efficient_Trick4819) AITA for wanting to cancel my extended family's wedding invitation after I learned the truth: September 12, 2024 (two days later from 1st OOP's update) Hello. So I am the half-sister to the PlaneRoof8162, who made the posts regard me. Original & Update My brother told me about his posts on reddit about me a few days back. He suggested that I do the same here. First of all, I love my baby brother more than any other member of my family since I've helped take care of him since he was born. Second, I am very grateful for my father. He never mistreated me or made me feel lesser than his other children. So I did not mean to betray him in any way! My mother had told me about her affair when I was in middle school, so I understood early on why they weren't together. I don't think I was ever angry at her since I was always welcome to see him and his family at any time I wanted. But I wasn't aware until recently that the affair was related to my uncle. I asked my grandmother many times why my father would never visit them, and she would say it was because he was too busy with work or his kids. I asked my father one time, and he just said the same thing. I showed him their socials before, and he merely brushed over them. But I remember he never talked about them before, at least in front of me. Skip forward to recently. While I was coming up with the wedding invitation, I remember my grandparents and my mother asking if they could be invited. And I said, not knowing what had really happened, said of course. And then the dinner happened, like my baby brother described in his first post. After the dinner, my father was so cold to me that I confronted him as to what was the huge issue. My father told me that I should have known better than to invite them to a wedding that he was paying for. And I asked him what the heck was the problem. My father then asked if I knew what they did, and I just replied that he never visited them. Then I heard from Auntie that my mother had an affair with my uncle way before they married and their parents knew and hid the secret. I swear to god that I didn't know about this! I then asked why he never told me this, and my father answered that he already did the worst he could do, which was to never talk or see them ever again. He had no intention of souring my relationship with his estranged family. I then asked my father what I should do...and he just hugged me hard, and he said that he said it was my choice. I returned the hug and went out with my mom, and she was crying when she was walking out. I confronted my mom immediately when we got home. My mother went a tirade about how my father was one who chose divorce and to break up his family, so I left. Now I am considering canceling their wedding invites, but I don't know how to do the best way. To be honest, I don't want them at my wedding any more. If they want to celebrate it, they can do it at a different time. I don't know if I should write a letter to them. I don't want to push aside any members of my family. AITAH has no consensus bot, half-sister was NTA Relevant Comments Commenter: INFO: Why was your first question to your half-siblings about money? Stand corrected, one of the main things asked. My half-sister then asked if he was going to pull money out of the wedding, and my sister sent a brutal message "Is that the most important thing right now, you *****". OOP: It wasn't. That was just one of the questions I asked. Trust me. I asked a lot. Commenter: Do you see your relationship with your siblings getting better? Apart from the youngest of course. OOP I still talk to them like normal. My sister and I got heated because she thought I knew about the family thing. She apologized to me later in person when I cleared the air in a 1 on 1 coffee meet. In fact she wants to help me plan now that I am not talking with my mother for the time being. My two other brothers are keeping it real too. The one that apparently told the youngest to "can it", I scolded him slightly, saying that he is just trying to help me. I swear he is too much like our father, a terrible conversationalist with a heart of gold. My other brother is showing support too.   PlaneRoof8162’s Post: Update #2: September 17, 2024 (five days later from sister's original post) Hello everyone. I have some small updates and won't have any updates for a while. So my half-sister came over Sunday and talked to my dad. Basically she made the decision to have the wedding without her extended family, and pay for the half of the wedding by herself and her fiance. She sort of figured that her mom would pull her money out for making that decision. Dad seems to be much happier about it. I saw her crying a alot and my dad hugging her. Not sure on what happened exactly, but I am guessing she apologized and he accepted it. She stayed with us during the weekend, and her mom came by. Mom and Dad wouldn't let her in, so my half-sister and her mother talked outside for a bit. I guess it started off well, but then I heard shouting from outside, so when I came downstairs, both of them were screaming at each other. My Dad calmly walked out and told my half-sister to go on in. He talked to her calmly while she went back and forth from screaming and crying. Then a car came by, and a man stepped out. He walked towards my dad and held out his hand, but Dad didn't take it. He sort of looked like my dad, but shorter and with longer hair, so I guessed that he was my uncle. He tried to talk to my Dad, but my Dad pretty much ignored him. I went to my brothers and told them what was happening, and they immediately walked down and outside. They told me to stay inside, so I continued to stare out the window. My brothers just stood on the balcony. The new man said hi to them, but they didn't respond. Anyway, my dad spoke a bit with his ex wife for a while and came back inside with my brothers. His ex-wife was glaring at my dad for a bit before going back to her car with the guy. When my brothers sat down, I asked if that was my uncle, and the oldest one nodded. Apparently my two older brothers met my uncle purely by accident before. Things were smooth that night. My half-sister's fiancé came by, and we all had a nice dinner. My mom and my sisters went away to plan the wedding since her mother is not joining in anymore. My brothers, my dad, me, and the fiancé just talked about stuff until we heard lots of honking right outside. We went to check it out, and my uncle was back with my dad's ex-wife. My dad told my mom to call the cops while he tried to handle the situation. My brothers, my dad, and my half-sister’s fiancé went out. There was some yelling and screaming, but then the cops came and they went away. So for the time being, my half-sister will be staying with us. I thought all was done until I got a text from my dad's ex after school yesterday. She asked if I could help her with something. I just blocked her number, but she then texted me on another number. I'm pretty sure my parents and brothers would say block her again, but there is nothing stopping her from using new phone numbers to bug me. Not sure what I can help her with anyway. Relevant Comments OOP should talk with his father to get the text messages to stop OOP: I'm in middle school right now. I told my dad about the texts, and he made a phone call and she stopped.   ---- OLD NEW UPDATE---- Editor's note: the latest update from the half-sister is over 11 months old and it has not been posted onto the sub here Posted by u/Efficient_Trick4819 (half sister) Update (in comments): February 27, 2025 (six months later from the 1st OOP's last post) So a lot of people have been asking for updates. I supposed I will just comment here instead of making a new post. I got married a few months ago and am expecting my first child! Six weeks pregnant this week. My wedding had gone off without out a hitch. My father and his family all came, and my mother and my grandparents were uninvited. Instead they reached out after the wedding and honeymoon, hoping that I don't ghost them forever. No more drama there, so that is good. And since my pregnancy, my father and Auntie (his wife) have been very supportive. They have been buying things from my baby registry so that I would have everything that I need. I told my mother about my pregnancy, and she wanted me to move in with her so that she could help, but after everything I am keeping my distance unless I have no choice.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/TheDreamingMyriad My (26F) brother (22M) and his fiance of nearly 2 years (21F) are planning a wedding that is an etiquette nightmare and I'm not sure how to handle it. TRIGGER WARNING: Entitlement, infidelity Original Post Nov 10, 2014 This is going to be a wall of text so I apologize in advance. My 22 year old brother, Andrew, and his 21 year old fiance, Christy, have been "planning" their wedding for over a year now. The date is set for April 25th of 2015. Initially, she had asked me to be a bridesmaid, but after she also wanted my daughter to be a flower girl, my husband to be a groomsman, me to do her makeup and engagement photos as a gift to her, and help with details the day of, I felt it was too much on one plate. Also, quite frankly, I can't afford her very specific dress (floor length ball gown, which she still has not selected), specific shoes, a tux for my hubby, a flower girl dress for my daughter, high quality makeup in her skin tone, and over $500 in photo sittings and editing. It's just too much time and money that I don't have. I sat her and my brother down and gently let them know that I wouldn't be a bridesmaid, though I was honored she chose me, because I didn't think I'd be a good bridesmaid with so much on my plate. They seemed sad but took it well and, until recently, had no further problems. Fast forward to this past weekend. They came over for dinner and talked with me and my mom about their wedding plans. I'm just going to sum those ideas up here. They want to have their ceremony outside. We mentioned that it would almost certainly be freezing. On the same date this past year, it was 30 degrees with a 15 mph icy wind and ice rain later in the day. Christy's response was "well I should be warm in my dress, it's pretty heavy." They have a venue that has plenty of indoor area so they can get married there in worst case scenario but they basically have said unless it's snowing or pissing rain, it'll be outside. I'm sure her bridesmaids in their strapless dresses and flip flops or slippers will love that. As for my 1 year old daughter, I'm not forcing her to stay out in cold like that in a tea length dress with no sleeves. I don't know how to politely say, "I'm not torturing my daughter or risking her becoming ill because you want a spring wedding in a wintery month." As for the date, they REFUSE to change it. They've told us that April 20th has no significance, is not an anniversary, and has nothing to do with their relationship. But they will NOT change it, even though we've gently mentioned, "hey, May should be much warmer and would definitely make it easier for an outdoor wedding, especially for your guests!" Their response is that April 25th is the date, period, and the guests don't matter because it's "their" day. Okay, fine whatever, we'll bundle up I guess. Their plan is to have the ceremony under a gazebo type structure. A very old family friend got some online thing from some vague church so he could marry people. He loves it! We've all known him since we were young, and he offered to officiate my wedding, and wrote a wonderful ceremony for a handfasting for my mom and dad's 25th anniversary/vow renewal, all completely for free. Andrew asked said family friend to officiate and he accepted. Last night we told Christy and Andrew it's getting closer so they need to meet up with the officiant so he can do an interview. They both asked, "why?". We explained that the officiant was a close family friend, that's why they asked him to do it, and he likes to get a feel for the both of you and your relationship so he can officiate a beautiful ceremony. They don't want that. They just want a general "do you? Do you? You're now married." Okay, that seems to defeat the purpose of a personal family friend performing it but if that's what they want. Anyway, then we asked what they were going to give the officiant for a gift. They both said nothing. No gift. Why do they need to give him a gift? They're also not paying him as he's doing it for free. At this point my mom and I are afraid to hear more. But we need to know what's going on. So after the ceremony, their plan is to go to a wedding luncheon. With the wedding party only. That would include his parents, her parents, me and the hubby, her bridesmaids, his groomsmen, and the flower girls/ring bearer. This would exclude the officiant and all the other guests, including her brothers and sisters, as well as my sister and brother. At this point, all other guests would be told to go get lunch, and I quote, "wherever" and we'll meet back here in a couple hours. At this "wedding luncheon", at a reastaurant in the next town over that's about 20 minutes away, we are all supposed to foot our own bill. Then we drive back and we, as in my family (including the ones not invited to the luncheon), set up the decor and everything else for the reception because Andrew and Christy will be "getting ready". After we get everything taken care of, there will be cake cutting and dancing. And then "the end" on the wedding. No food, snacks, nibbles, cocktails, nothing like that will be provided during the course of this wedding. Andrew also dropped the bomb that my grandmother, my father's mom, would not be invited because she didn't remember who Christy was at my daughter's first birthday last month. The back story on that? Let's start with the fact that she's 80. Then let's go on to the fact that that she's met Christy once and only once, almost 2 years ago. Lastly, my grandma had 9 kids. Those 9 kids married. They all had a minimum of 4 children. Many of those children are now married and have children. My grandmother has over 65 grandchildren (I don't even know the exact #, I stopped keeping track years ago), about 10 of which have recently or are about to get married. She's 80. She has a hard enough time keeping track of how many people are in her family, nevermind what their names are. It was absolutely nothing personal that she didn't know Christy's name. She just forgot, it has been 2 years for chrissake! So despite her being the only living grandparent we have left, and despite her driving the hour here to make it to Andrews school performances and sending birthday cards every year without fail to her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren (Andrew included), she's now not to be invited. I know this is ranty but all this plain, bald faced rudeness is flooring me and I don't know how to handle it. My dad, once we told him his mom wouldn't be invited, was not only hurt but angry. He said he will not go if his mom is not invited. Andrew is insisting on not inviting any of the others from that side of the family, and with such high numbers I can understand, but at least inviting grandma would be polite, not to mention loving. My sister, my mom, and I put together a wedding planning book for them ages ago and gave it to them. It had tips for a small budget, etiquette, timelines, checklists, and a breakdown of what a basic wedding should have. We got info from multiple sources and spent the time collecting and printing it, but it's completely obvious they haven't looked at it at all. It's like they want this big and beautiful wedding, but they pick out anything that costs them money or means they have to work. Gifts for people who do us favors? NAH. Big princess wedding dress? Check! Supplying food and refreshment of some kind? Meh, they can go get taco bell or something. Exquisite floor length gowns with exact matching specified cut and color for wedding party? Check! Paying for said gowns? Nah, too expensive for us, I'm sure everyone else can afford it. Am I being over the top? Is it just me? Or is this really ridiculous wedding behavior? I've been to maybe 6 weddings in my life, attended in 3, fully planned 1, and have helped plan another. I am all for modern weddings where you throw the whole "brides family pays for this, grooms family pays for that" out the window, but typically that cost shouldn't rest on your wedding party, guests, and pretty much anyone that isn't you. How do I explain to them the things that won't fly? I'm not freezing my infant because they're stubborn and I'm certainly not going to pay for tux, baby dress, makeup, dinner for me and my hubby, AND play pack mule to set up and take down their entire reception center. I don't care who you are, it's ridiculous and asking too much. Not that they asked if we would set up - they told us we would. I don't want to "ruin" their day; I want it to go well, I want everyone to enjoy themselves, but I can't force them to plan better. That's on them. So my question is how to handle it? Christy is super sensitive and takes literally any criticism as a personal attack so I want to go delicately here. Also, Christy and I work together so achieving peace here is very important. EDIT: Fixed wedding date to 4/25, not 4/20. Tl;dr: My brothers wedding plans lack tact and etiquette and is costing my small family a hefty sum. I could handle that if they didn't also expect us to do 100% of the footwork to set up and take down their wedding. They're stepping on toes left and right. How do I tell them they're asking (and telling) way too much? MINI UPDATE: I sincerely appreciate all if you taking the time to weigh in and offer advice! Just knowing that I'm not the only one thinking this is rude and crazy helps. After talking to my parents and showing them this thread, they decided to talk to Andrew this weekend about a select few things: They should put that they're not serving any food or refreshment on the invite so people know they won't be fed, as this isn't typical for a wedding. Grandma really should be invited. The officiant, since he is and old friend and is doing it for free, needs a gift. As for me, I'm going to set some boundaries with this wedding, mainly with what I will and won't do and how my daughter will be kept warm during the wedding. I will post a real update on the convo with my brother after it happens. Thanks again everyone! Update 1 Nov 14, 2014 (4 days later) So Christy actually texted my mom in a panic on Tuesday night because her mom had added some names she didn't know to the guest list of her side of the family. My mom just told her that she could help her and had her come over to talk. Christy brought over her wedding planning book and sat down with me and my mom. My mom asked her about the wedding plans, confirming that they intended to have no meal, that all the wedding party would pay for their own meal, etc. Christy confirmed. My mom, the Saint of Offering Constructive Criticism In The Nicest Way Possible, said to Christy, "I worry about this plan potentially hurting feelings, on your family's side as well. Do you mind if I explain way I think that?" Christy was pretty receptive. She said she didn't want anyone to have their feelings hurt and asked what was offensive. My mom posed this rhetorical situation (I guess she got this idea from my sister): "Okay Christy. Imagine your parents invited you over for Christmas. You drive the 3 hours to their house, you dress in your best Christmas sweater, and you show up with gifts. Everyone is happy to see you and you hug and visit for a while. Your parents and some of your family then tell you that they are going to dinner. You can't come, but you can go to McDonald's or something. They let you know they'll be back in about 2 hours, so just hang out in the yard or...wherever. When they get back, they let you back in the house so you can watch them eat the Christmas cookies they made for themselves, open only their presents, and play some Christmas music. Once that's all done, they say, "Thanks for coming, see you next year!" And boot you out the door. Would your feelings be hurt?" My mom is a funny and lighthearted story teller so at this point, Christy had laughed a couple times, with a kind of sad note in there, and also said ,"ohhh" several times as well. Christy spoke up and said she absolutely understood how that related to their current wedding plans. Seriously, it was like until that moment, she could see literally nothing wrong with their plans. She explained that they pretty much only had the budget of the $2000 her parents were giving her to work with and she was afraid a meal would cost too much. She also expressed frustration that Andrew didn't really help with the planning, he just kept saying, "Whatever you want" when she asked for his opinion. My mom and I explained that Andrew probably just wanted the day just the way she wants it because it's always stressed that it's the bride's day. We gave her some tips for engaging Andrew to really get his input. At this point, she had really broken down and we were able to see her a little more for what she is: a young and naive 21 year old girl (granted, with a bit of a passive aggression issue) in waaaay over her head running on little to no help with an event she has NO idea how to plan. After chit chatting a little bit, we talked about different ways to pull off an affordable wedding. We pitched ideas, and she either said she loved it, she'd think about it, or no. She liked the idea of having a small ceremony with the 50 people they really wanted to be there, after which there would be a luncheon (provided by them this time). After that would be the reception, where the guests her mom added and anyone else that wasn't really close to them could come to celebrate. There would be a light refreshment for that. She is really not concerned about what the luncheon is but would like it to be as low cost as possible (but not tacky either). My mom, my sister, Christy, and I are going to brainstorm in the next few weeks and look at prices to see what we can find within their budget, then we'll all get together and let Christy (and Andrew if he decides to join) decide which ideas she likes best for both the luncheon and the reception refreshment. Oh, and as for Grandma, when Christy handed over the guest list from Andrew, she was on there at the bottom. We hadn't talked about it but he must've realized that Grandma deserved to be at his wedding. On my part, I mentioned to Christy I was worried about my little one in inclement weather and she said they had decided they would plan on doing the ceremony indoors because it was likely the weather would be bad. She still wants to reserve the gazebo just in case it's nice but she seems much more realistic about the weather situation now. I'm also going to buy grocery store makeup for her makeup for the wedding (nice stuff but not too pricey). And I've let her know that my hands will be full with the baby so take down and setup of decor and such will be next to impossible for me. Both my mother and I suggested requesting the help of their bridal party (groomsmen and bridesmaids) to help with the things that needed done the day of. She said she was sure that they would be willing to help but that she'd ask. Many of them are young, single, and childless so hopefully they'll be more able to help out. She also was asking about a bridal shower. One of her sisters had already volunteered to throw the doe party but no one in her family had made mention or offered to throw her a bridal shower, so my mom and I are talking about doing that. When I was (almost) married, I had 2 bridal showers and people were offering to throw one for me left and right. I feel badly that her family is not doing that. All in all, I feel much more comfortable with what I've agreed to do for them, and I'm happy that we were able to help Christy. In the original thread /u/halfascoolashansolo mentioned that all their plans had been met with negativity. I think this caused them, especially Christy, to shut down and just say "screw everybody, this is our day!" Really, they just don't know how to plan a wedding and we all could see that. Rather than seeing that we wanted to help, I think they just heard the negativity of it. Sitting Christy down and explaining that we had some ideas that we thought could help, and that we in no way wanted to force her to do anything she didn't like, well it helped a lot. We let her know that she should say no if she hated an idea or if she felt we were getting too involved. We still think they need to plan their own wedding, but we've also become more approachable for help in this regard too. No, we're not going to plan the wedding, but if they're stumped on something or want input, we've offered to help if we can. We'll see as time goes on whether they stick with it or if they fall back into the "we don't care about anyone else" mode. I still feel that they have a lot of growing up to do, and hopefully they can do it together and build a lasting relationship for the rest of their lives. TLDR Talked to Christy about wedding plans, turns out she's just overwhelmed and has no idea what she's doing. She's now more open for input, trying to get Andrew involved in planning, and is more aware of what I am and am not willing to do for her wedding. Grandma is back on the guest list. Still worried about their immaturity but wishing the best for them. An overall positive outcome...for now. Update 2 Feb 24, 2015 (4 months later) So much has happened in these past 2 weeks! Last Sunday, Christy told Andrew she wanted to come over and talk with him and my mom. Andrew assumed it was about wedding stuff because they were getting only a couple months away from the wedding and they had not really done anything. So they get here and go to talk in private with my mom. I was playing with the baby in the front room and I could hear yelling and arguing coming from the back room they were in. I was worried they were having a brawl back there but just figured they'd work out whatever the hell was going on. Well, they both left and my mom fills me in. Christy didn't want to talk wedding. She brought Andrew over to tell him, in front of my mom with no prior warning, that she wasn't sure if she wanted to marry him anymore. She wrote a list of 4 things to show my mom that Andrew is doing or has done wrong that she thought couldn't be resolved. My mom told her to keep her list to herself and that they needed to go to couples counseling. At this point, Andrew got really upset because he had tried already to go to couples counseling with her 6 months ago and she didn't like it because, "it was awkward and I hate taking responsibility for stuff; I'd rather just blame someone else". (For the record that is not a joke or exaggeration, she literally said that out loud and didn't see a problem with it). Andrew also blew up because I guess when he had proposed to her, she had been hinting at it and pushing for it. He basically asked her why she wanted him to ask her just so she could break it off two months before. Anyway, I obviously knew they were having issues and just kept my space. Even though Christy seemed to be trying to pull my mom into it, my mom agreed it was their business and told them to get into therapy asap if they wanted to stay together. My brother gets counseling free through work so they went to 1 session last week. I don't know how that went, I didn't ask. Oh, I forgot to mention! The Thursday before Christy called off the wedding, she went on an all day hike alone with an "old friend". He had been out of state for the past 2 years (mormon missionary) and she wanted to catch up. They spent the whole day together in the mountains alone and she posted on Facebook about how awesome it was. It actually pissed off almost everyone close to her, even her sister who thinks she does no wrong, because she's been vocal in the past about how opposed she is to Andrew even talking to a member of the opposite sex. She would literally yell at him and harass him about talking to old friends who just happened to be female or mentioning that he saw a friend in the grocery store and said hi. But no, it's okay for her to spend a whole day in the mountains with a dude. I bitched to my sister but said nothing, until that Saturday (valentine's). I asked Andrew what his plans were for the night and he said, "oh, Christy and her friend and I are going to dinner!" Um, friend? He says, "yeah, Zack, he just got back from a mission." So same guy. I asked him if he was okay sharing his valentine's day dinner with another guy and he basically said yeah, they're friends so I want to meet him and he wants to meet me! I was shocked really but Andrew is trusting of her so he's never been possessive like she's been with him. Next morning, Christy isn't sure if she wants to marry Andrew anymore. I work with Christy for those who don't remember and the next day she's telling people that her and Andrew haven't broken up...yet. That it's just the wedding...for now. The day after that, she chopped all of her hair off in this really strange and unflattering hair cut. Again, this is a thing she would get after Andrew for. He's always enjoyed putting bright colors in his hair and he wanted to be daring and do his whole head a muted navy blue. She told him no. But then it's okay for her to go chop her hair to an inch long in the back and maybe 3 inches in the front. The day after that was the therapy session. Andrew seemed optimistic. That weekend (this past one), Christy mentions at work that she is going to visit her mom for the weekend. Her mom has always disliked Andrew and I figured her mom would talk her out of the relationship permanently but my brother was so tortured at this point that I thought that might be for the best. Cue this morning. I asked Christy at work how her weekend went and she says, "Not good. Andrew and I broke up." I just said I was sorry about that and went back to work because I was NOT expecting that response and didn't know what on earth to say to that. I had no idea that they broke up so i was then worried about how my brother was doing. She then goes on to say this massive paragraph: But the rest of the weekend was okay! Me and Zack hung out until way late Saturday night just talking. He had his homecoming in the morning. He's the only person that really knows what's going on with me and Andrew. He was really nice and just listened to me. We were laughing because I found a grey hair in his hair and he was totally freaking out! Then we went to the homecoming in the morning of course. I only went for the main meeting so then I went to his house and waited for him to get home from church, which was awkward cut it was only his aunt and grandma there! But then we had the luncheon afterward and whatever and it was fun. I was tired when I got home so I took a nap. At this point my work friend, Alisha is just staring at me, waiting for my response. She looked at me like I was a grenade with the pin out. I couldn't even gather a thought or sentence to say so Alisha pipes in and says, "I thought you were visiting your family this weekend?" C -"I was! That's who I stayed with." A -"Well, did you even spend time with your family?" C -"Um...well...I did talk with my mom on Saturday and stuff." A -"But mainly it was about Zacks home thingy?" C - "Well yeah." Christy continued to babble about various things, like now she was going to head to California because her friend had offered to fly her out there but she couldn't go before because Andrew couldn't afford the airfare to go too. She was just so damn happy it made me sick. When her sister arrived at work (yeah, I work with TWO of these bitches) they talked about Christy moving in with her sister and when and how and all that jazz. I stepped out to call my mom and she told me immediately that she was helping Andrew move his stuff out of the apartment as we spoke. I told her to do it fast before Andrew changed his mind. My mom packed up all the wedding stuff Christy had not been coming over to work on and dropped it at our work once she'd finished helping Andrew. Like she literally dropped the box and shoved it towards Christy with her foot. I think my mom did NOT appreciate Christys cheery, OMG HI! that she had used when my mom walked in the door. My mom was taking my sick little girl to the doc since I couldn't get time off work so she came for the insurance card and left after. Christy and her sister went in the back room and tittered for a while after the unceremonious drop off from my mom. How she's a horrible person and all that I'm sure. I somehow remained calm through all this. I mean, I'm at work. This is personal shit and I didn't want to talk about it in a professional place. But also, I'm so fucking relieved. Christy is messed up. Her whole family has narcissism issues and I'm so glad my brother doesn't have to tolerate her constant criticism, gas lighting, and verbal abuse anymore. He's now back home and he is doing so well considering how fresh this all is. He told me he realized last week that it probably was over but he wanted to give the therapy a shot. I think he also wised up about Zack. Near the end of my shift, I went to the bathroom. Thinking that urination somehow rendered me deaf while only being feet away, I heard Christy complaining that Andrew had just texted her and said, "so were you really staying with your parents? Or with someone else?" She was denying doing anything physical with this guy but did admit she'd been spending all her time with him lately. She definitely lost her fucking weird peppy attitude after that text. I think because you can't play "poor me!" when you're guilty of carrying on an emotional relationship with another person. Anyway, writing it all out gives me a peaceful feeling. I am so heart broken for Andrew, but he dodged a bullet. He wants to continue pursuing personal therapy through work so he can resolve the problems he felt he had in their relationship, thus avoiding them in a future relationship. I no longer have to tolerate a toxic person in my personal life, though I do have to tolerate her and her borderline demonic sister at work. However, I feel I can handle this by simply reminding them to keep their personal shit home and be professional at work. I'm pretty sure I can handle it if they start being disrespectful towards him or my family at work. Tl;dr THEY ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED AND THEY BROKE UP, THANK THE FUCKING GODS! Edit: Accidentally used a real name. Don't particularly care if she sees this anymore but for the sake of non-confusion, I fixed it. Edit 2: I completely forgot that the guys name in that whole blackmail for kisses was Zack. What makes this even more hilarious is that Zack is the ONLY name I did not change, ha ha! THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is theimperishableroach. She posted in r/bridezillas Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes for the rec! Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. Mood Spoiler: yikes on multiple bikes but OOP and boyfriend are fine Original Post: July 15, 2024 I apologize if this isn’t formatted the best, but I tried my best to break it up so it can be readable. :’) So to start this off, my boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now, and I’d say me and his family have been on decent terms. They are traditional, and I am alternative, but they accept their son’s decision, and are generally very polite with me. Issues began to arise, however, after his sister got engaged last fall. I had met her and interacted with her a few times at that point, and she had been generally nice to me. She told me that I was invited to the wedding, which I thought was very sweet, but little did I know what would entail. Her fiancé approached my boyfriend out of the blue, and asked him to be a groomsmen, to which he didn’t give much of an answer. My boyfriend expressed to me later that he wanted to attend as a guest, and really did not want to participate in the wedding itself. He has pretty bad anxiety, so that’s understandable, and he ended up declining the offer. His sister was immediately not taking no for an answer, and went as far as to send him the tux that he was “going to need” despite him declining the offer. What was even more shocking was that the tux was going to be hundreds of dollars, and she wanted him to purchase it, not rent it. He once again stood his ground, and she went to their parents and had them attempt to confront him. They immediately brought me up and began blaming me for his decision, despite me obviously having no say, and he defended me while once again giving a firm no. Things were quiet on that subject for awhile until a few weeks later when she informed him that she would not be able to provide a dinner plate for me. They are still planning the wedding, and at that point it was over 8 months away, so there is no reason why I could not be accommodated for considering that I was invited. She claimed that I was still invited, but that she just couldn’t accommodate an extra person. It was pretty obvious that I now wasn’t welcome, so I was debating even putting the date on my calendar to go, but now there is a new installment to this saga. She sent my boyfriend a message out of the blue, telling him that I will need to dye my hair, and that there is now a dress code for guests. Everyone in attendance is expected to wear certain colors (burnt orange or green) and I am supposed to dye my hair black. If you have ever dyed your hair, you know how hard black is to remove, so that request is insanely unreasonable. My hair is usually a dark red, and is rarely vibrant, but that’s beyond the point. I am not ruining my hair to accommodate to her guest rules, and the best that I could do is a wig, but I am honestly done at this point. My boyfriend respects my decision either way and has got my back no matter what, but I am still just in awe, because I have never experienced this. I feel like it’s 100% targeted, and I don’t know how this will affect my relationship with his family going forward. I just needed to talk about this, and I’m wondering if anyone else has had this happen. tl:dr- my boyfriend’s sister is seemingly angry at him for not wanting to be a groomsmen, so she is singling me out by not providing food for me, and asking that I dye my hair black. updates will be in the comments for now until I can better format them to be shorter and fit well into this post ! I can tag people in them if they get lost among the other comments ! Some of OOP's Comments: EtonRd: What on earth does it mean that you are still invited but they can’t give you dinner? You would sit at a table at the reception and everybody else would be served food and they wouldn’t serve you food? That’s insane. [...] OOP: Right? That was the most confusing part to me! I may have a trip that conflicts with her wedding anyway, so I can just casually miss it. I luckily have a very supportive partner who will defend me no matter what and doesn’t put up with his family’s bs so no matter what it should be fine. greenswizzlewooster: Sis is insane, and she hates you. Don't go to the wedding. There is no sane reason a guest wouldn't be served dinner like any other guest. And it's bad enough when brides presume to ask their attendents to dye their hair, but guests? She can go f herself. OOP: FR! I have heard of brides asking bridesmaids to dye their hair, which is already a big commitment, but guests? the dress code also threw me off so heavily bc why would she want everyone in attendance matching a certain aesthetic and not just bridesmaids/groomsmen? I hope people don’t show up because of it honestly. mammabearlovestea: First, she’s crazy. I hope you don’t end up going, these demands and changes are enough to give me whiplash and I’m not even going through this. The lack of a meal is so strange and it sounds like she keeps coming up with weird things to make you want to stay away. Second, with dark red hair and green clothes, I reckon you’d look stunning! So why on earth would you need to dye your hair? OOP: I’ll be going on a trip around the time of her wedding, so I’ll likely be off having the time of my life while she has her boring little wedding. I would’ve been down to wear green 100% bc I think it would look nice, but she just had to ruin it with the hair request. Imo she’s delivering her own karma by making people wear two very conflicting colors that only look good on their own, and I don’t even think she realizes it. jethrine: Oh, she realizes it all right. She wants to look good by comparison. OOP: apparently the aesthetic is supposed to be “fall colors” but I cannot see emerald green and burnt orange together fitting that vibe well. I would’ve chosen a mahogany color that closer matches the orange, and stuck to warm fall tones, but she either has no coordination skills or you’re exactly right. OOP adds: I have some extra things that I didn’t include here about how she’s treated her brother, so I might as well include them here. She did in fact just expect him to buy the tux, and told him that she wanted him to have it tailored to fit him EXACTLY so that it would look perfect. It was expected that he would buy it early as well, despite him currently saving money for his own place to live because his last living situation did not work out. This woman has also casually asked him for money for christmas (upwards of $500) which was supposedly to go toward the wedding, when her fiancé’s parents were already paying for most of it. He of course was shocked, and obviously can’t be handing out $500, so he got her some personal gifts that aligned with her interests. She seemed less than happy, despite her having only gotten him the same shirt she bought him 2 years in a row. Not joking. They grew up the exact same way (in a small and modest home with not much money) and she still chooses to overspend on lavish items like louis vuitton purses despite living in an apartment currently. Her fiancé was also in fact just a puppet for her to deliver her message to my bf, and wasn’t going to ask him to be best man. Boyfriend's parents: His mother is one of those little submissive trad wife types, so she doesn’t speak up much at all, but his father actually threatened his living situation (he is at home temporarily and is house hunting actively) if he didn’t comply, which he still did not. Seems to me like this is all one big petty bluff, and we have both outwardly called it. I’m considering sending her a personal message letting her know that I am offended at the request of dyeing my hair for her wedding and letting her know I won’t be attending unless I’m there as myself and being fed. To another commenter speculating if bf's anxiety is due to parents: Oh 100% it is. When I met him he was basically a servant for his family because no one had ever told him what a normal relationship a family should be. He’s told me that I saved him, because I’m the only person who he feels like he can talk to about his trauma, and I help him be a more strong person. He originally had trouble standing up to them, and now he sets very clear boundaries and lives a more carefree life. I think the turning point was our second date when his mom actually called and demand that he come home and pick her up to go somewhere. He told her to find another ride, and by the way she reacted, it was obvious that it wasn’t a common occurrence for her to hear a solid no. I won’t get into every issue she’s caused, but she’s a mess, and her husband does nothing but enable her insanity. GlutenFreeNoodleArms: buy the cheapest black wig you can and then pack yourself a whole picnic dinner! 😂 OOP: I have a black wig from a cosplay I did recently that’s been worn quite a bit and is now pretty raggedy so I may show up in that 💀 my goth ass with that wig is gonna be looking like a cheap spirit halloween animatronic OOP's hair: my hair is dyed red, not natural ! that’s why I’m especially concerned about trying to dye it a color that I don’t want to keep, bc it would be insanely damaging after all the bleaching that my hair has sustained :’) Update Comment: 1 hour later update: I have sent her a personal message detailing my boundaries and stating my requirements. This is what I said to her. Hi! I just wanted to shoot you a message and let you know that I heard from (bf’s name) about your request for me to dye my hair for your wedding, and I find that to be too big of a commitment for just being a guest at a wedding. If I don’t fit the intended aesthetic for your special day, then feel free to uninvite me. I was set to attend as his date, but I refuse to make an alteration to my hair that could leave it damaged and unable to be dyed back to my desired color. I would be happy to wear a green or burnt orange dress, and I can be formal, but asking guests to dye their hair is an unreasonable and frankly disrespectful request. As I said before, you may uninvite me if you please, because I am not honoring that request. Update Comment 2: 6 hour later UPDATE ABOUT THE MESSAGE I SENT: Of course, instead of responding, she brought her entire family into it. My boyfriend is absolutely livid that she spread my message around and is making a big deal about it, and isn’t speaking to her right now. His parents tried to get aggressive with him about it, and he told them that if they want to come to our wedding in the future, that they have to shave their eyebrows off and dye their hair green so they can see how it feels to be asked to alter their appearance like that. His sister is still being petty about it, so who knows what will happen going forward, but nonetheless I have been firm with my boundaries. She apparently sorted out the dinner plate situation, but just didn’t tell us for months, so I do in fact have food if I go, but I doubt that I will. Update Post: November 16, 2025 (16 months later) So over a year ago now, I made a post that got some attention, and then completely forgot about it. There was a popular demand for an update/resolution, so if anyone remembers this saga, here it is ! If you didn’t read the previous post or don’t want to, my bf’s sister expected me to dye my hair black and wear specific colors (burnt orange or green) to her wedding. She also attempted to exclude me by saying that she could not provide me a seat or food, after giving me an invitation and saying that she would love to have me. I attended the wedding, against what everyone advised, and I am SO glad that I was there to witness the absolute mess that it was. To properly start this off, I first need to talk about the rehearsal, which was also a mess. Everyone was disjointed and disorganized, the planner was yelling at people, someone stepped on a snake, and everyone kept forgetting what was rehearsed. It was a very hot day, and the rehearsal was outdoors, so everyone was sweaty and fed up. After the rehearsal, there was a dinner, where I apparently “embarrassed” everyone by pulling out a bottle of advil to give to my boyfriend because he had a migraine, and walked with him to the bathroom when he felt sick. Additionally, on the morning of the wedding, his parents sent a message (on his sister’s behalf) saying that my piercings weren’t going to be allowed either, which led to my boyfriend calling and confronting them. Despite all of this, I had now seen how bad the rehearsal was, so I had to be there for this wedding. I of course did not remove my piercings or dye my hair, I went as me, in a tight emerald green dress. When I arrived, I noticed multiple people with piercings and tattoos, as well as dyed hair. I immediately noticed that no one was wearing green or burnt orange, and the main wedding colors were beige and pink. As many people speculated, her improvised “rules” were definitely targeted toward me, possibly to try and make me look bad or embarrass me. Now onto the wedding. The speakers they used to play music sounded like they were waterlogged, and whoever was playing the music somehow paused it twice. Rather than having a flower girl, the groom had his grown male friend tossing flowers, and a guest nearly walked out because he threw flowers directly in his face. The groom walked out to X Gon’ Give it To Ya (very classy) while all of his buddies yelled and whistled. The bride’s grandma decided she didn’t want to walk out as rehearsed, and loudly argued with the event coordinator who was trying to lead her back over to where she was supposed to walk. Everyone was looking at each other, cracking jokes and whispering, and it might’ve been one of the least serious weddings I’ve ever attended. When it was time for photos, she asked me to get in the photo, only to purposely place me in the back. My boyfriend noticed this, and picked me up bridal style so I’d be in full view in every photo. They ended up giving everyone a plate to go up and get some food, and everyone was allowed one plate per person. I ended up waiting until the person serving the food switched out, and got two plates of food. The bride vanished for hours to take pictures, and everyone was left bored and waiting for cake. I had a great time partying with my boyfriend at the reception, and it turns out the bride was having fun partying too. We were watching back footage of the reception on the wedding photographer’s facebook page to try and find us dancing, and saw her in the background dancing on another guy. When I say on, I mean on, because her body was fully pressed against this random man. I went, I saw, I looked good, and I got to laugh at a failure of a wedding. That wraps up the saga ! Some of OOP's Comments: cashmerered: Are they still married? OOP: somehow, but my bf and I have always believed that he may swing the other way and that he married her for appearances. my bf showed up to their apartment one day to pick up something from his sister, and heard two hushed male voices, and footsteps running away before her husband cracked the door and asked what he needed. it’s comical how not into each other they seem, and how performative everything they do is. Granadafan: "someone stepped on a snake," Whoa whoa whoa, you can’t just gloss over this gem. Where did the snake come from, what was the reaction, was the snake ok? OOP: it was a fairly small snake that was just stunned, and someone picked it up and carried it away 😭 the chaos that ensued over such a harmless looking snake was hilarious though To another commenter: it wasn’t a baby snake, it was just a smaller sized snake ! there are a lot of small and harmless garden snakes where I live, and I pick them up all the time. they’re usually just scared and not trying to bite. lucyfussbudget1: Yeah, I am not scared of snakes, I find them rather fascinating. Nevertheless, this was a wedding? Or the reception? And someone just randomly steps on a snake and then the narrative just moves on? I have questions!!!! 🤷‍♀️ OOP: the rehearsal was where the snake got stepped on ! the bride wanted everyone to come to the venue to “rehearse” how they would walk and where they would stand or sit at the wedding. her wedding was outdoors, so everyone was walking through the grass, and that’s when someone screamed and we saw the snake. someone’s husband picked it up and carried it off 😭 Hope_Wally: Follow up questions how is their marriage going? How is your relationship with your bf (he sounds great especially in comparison to his sister)? How is your relationship with the sister now? OOP: seems to be going fine, but as I mentioned in another comment, I’m still not convinced that they are actually attracted to each other. my bf went to pick up a chair from his sister’s recently not knowing she was out, and when he knocked, he heard two frantic hushed male voices. we’ve been convinced for awhile that her husband swings the other way, and that definitely made it more likely in my mind. my bf and I’s relationship is great! at this point he has distanced himself from his family a lot due to this incident and many other events that have followed, such as them trying to force him into buying a property that he didn’t want, and locking him out of the house over it. they’ve always treated him like shit, so it’s not surprising, but we currently live together and are doing great ! I don’t see his sister much, and didn’t really like her in the first place, so pretty much the same as it’s always been. she’s the kind of person to try and live above her means and make her life look lavish while going into debt, and that’s a kind of person I can’t tolerate being around. there were also some extremely offensive messages that she sent to my boyfriend about me that caused him to cut off contact with her for months, so that was a nail in the coffin. submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Salty_Thing3144 Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole & r/weddingshaming AITA for telling a friend I can’t come to her wedding? Trigger Warnings: financial struggles, controlling behavior, entitlement Mood Spoilers: infuriating Original post: September 27, 2022 She is planning a color-themed wedding and wants all her guests to wear white. My husband likes black and doesn’t even own a white shirt! i don’t have a white dress or shoes. I had to tell her that if she does this, we won’t be able to attend. We’re on fixed incomes and can’t afford to buy new clothing and shoes for somebody else’s wedding. Her mother is against her plan, too. She thinks it’s unfair to require a particular color unless a person is in the wedding party. Friend just snaps that “you have a year to save up” and thinks I’m being a bad friend. I’ve called men’s rental shops and we can’t find a white suit for rent for less than $75. I’m sure I’ll need as much or more for my dress and shoes, and that’s on top of shower and wedding presents. I don’t think I’m TA for RSVPing with regrets when it’s time. What do y’all think? Verdict: No Assholes Here UPDATE: For all of you who just think I’m fishing for an excuse not to go: THAT IS NOT TRUE AT ALL. We’re on disability and income is a big issue for us. We are still going to send them a nice wedding and shower gift - and that’s going to stretch us too, because one place setting of her china and crystal is $150 a pop! This is NOT something we “just don’t want to do.” Whenever I’m asked to be somebody’s bridesmaid I have to regretfully decline too. Just can’t afford a dress, shoes, hair, makeup, manicure , a share of the shower and bachelorette costs AND gifts. I was upset when I heard about this because I knew we’d have to decline. We already went to her engagement party and bought a gift for that. There are limits to what we can afford. Believe me, we’re disappointed too. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Why wouldn’t you find these clothes at a consignment store? This really shouldn’t be that hard. Did you even check consignment stores or any other very cheap or free options (gift groups on Facebook, charity, family and friends, Vinted etc.)? OOP I already buy most of our wardrobe at consignment and eBay. The only white formals I saw at my usuall haunts were wedding dresses! She’s a longtime friend, but all caught up in Instagram, influencers, and “Ahh want my wedding to be yooooo-neek!” She was talking about the bridal party before he even proposed, how much fun we’d all have hanging out together at the bachelorette (Myrtle Beach weekend, by the way) when I told her to please not ask me because I can’t afford it. I think part of this is she is still pissed about that. I’d love to, but just can’t. She went off on me to her mom, which is how I know her mom disapproves. Her sister called me afterward and apologized to me for both of them. Sis and mom told her it was a bad idea that will cause them to lose guests, and her photos will look like awful if everything is all one color. My husband told me to just look for something for me and he will just not go. (Which will piss her off too) The wedding is next year so maybe she will come back down to Earth by then. Commenter 2: Do you even like your friend? You sound very resentful… If this actually was about money I’d understand it a little but your responses are dripping with content. She doesn’t need to change her whole plan just because you don’t like the idea. That’s a ridiculous ask, especially from a so-called friend. OOP: She has undergone a crazy personality change ever since she got engaged. She was talking wedding before he even proposed. The wedding is NEXT YEAR but she went out and created her wedding registry the same week she got engaged!! She had a big engagement party and has planned all sorts of activities for the next year! I am happy for her, but think some of her expectations are unreasonable, like the one-color wedding. She wants her bridesmaids to buy their dresses which will just hang in the closet for the next year! She’s 34 and is pissed because her parents aren’t chipping in more for her costs. It’s getting out of hand. We are longtime friends but I think it is her who is losing sight of this. She knows my $ situation. Commenter 3: NTA for not going you can make some excuse but if people are telling her how to plan her own wedding then they would be TA. OOP It’s not her plans. It’s her expectations. She got hopping mad when I said to please not ask me to be in the wedding (she wanted me for matron and her helper for planning) and I said to please not ask me to be in the bridal party. I will gladly help her plan. She has a busy career while I’m home and can make calls, etc. The bridesmaid dress she picked (already!) is $200 and the shoes are almost another hundred. That’s just the clothes! She wants a bach in Myrtle Beach and a shower with catered sushi.   My (now ex) Friend's Wedding All-White Formal Wedding: June 26, 2025 (nearly three years later) I posted this years ago on the lower anatomical body part forum (this one won't let me use the name). I'm updating it with the eventual outcome. Friend got engaged and started planning her wedding. She was in her thirties and it was not her first wedding. Before everybody squeals, I DO NOT think it's wrong for a repeat bride to have a big, formal wedding. That is NOT the issue. What I DO feel was that some of her expectations were unreasonable, given her age and the ages and life circumstances of her friends. She got pissed with me right from the start. I declined being a bridesmaid because I'm on disability and didn't think I could afford the dress, a share of the shower and the bachelorette party, plus shower and wedding gifts. I was also afraid my disability would inconvenience her because I have chronic pain, and I never know how I'm going to feel from one day to the next. It makes trying to plan anything a pain in the ass. There was a high chance that I'd let her down on helping with wedding work and going to appointments. I thought she'd understand but she was majorly pissed! She said I had a year to save up for my wedding attire. I have an opinion on that but kept it to myself and apologized for disappointing her. She wanted a destination bachelorette party. The bridesmaids and her friends are all married with kids. I don't think it was reasonable to expect us to head off for a week at Myrtle Beach. A weekend, sure, but not an entire week. The expense was another no-go for me. I did what I could to support her. We attended her engagement party and brought a gift, which wasn't cheap. Read on. She registered for China, crystal, the works. I know that's not a faux pas - but she had a full set from her first wedding. She just wanted new stuff. This is where I admit that I might be the lower anatomical blowhole. I feel that asking her friends for such pricey gifts for the second wedding was unfair. Okay, now on for the real big deal: six months from the wedding, she decided to ask her guests to dress in all-white formal attire. I told her that if she did that, we wouldn't be able to come. Now, I have cocktail and formal clothing, but not in all-white. My husband likes black and doesn’t even own a white shirt! That meant a new suit and shoes for him, a new evening gown for me. If I could afford this I could've been her bridesmaid. I did make an effort, though. I called men's formalwear shops and renting a white suit for him would cost around $75. I looked at consignment stores for an evening gown and the only all-white long dresses WERE wedding gowns. Her mom and sister tried to talk her out of this. Her mom thought (and I agree) that requiring a particular color isn't a fair ask unless a person is in the wedding party. My husband said he'd just stay home and let me go. I sew, and making a simple long dress wouldn't bust our budget. My Friend The Bride told me I was a shitty friend, not to bother, and ended our friendship. I'm still friends with her mother and sister. Her mother was mortified about this and apologized. Of course it's not their fault. Her sister told me her wedding photos look like disembodied heads floating in a white sea. I don't have issues with Her Wedding/Her Rules, but brides should be prepared to get declines if her rules result in impractical expenses to her guests. She ended our entire friendship over it. All the years meant nothing against ONE DAY of it. THAT is a shame. Relevant / Concluding Comments Commenter 1: these stories where the friendship ends over the wedding, were there no signs of these people being shitty friends before? do some ppl really lose all sensibilities when it comes to weddings? OOP: She's always been a bit of a diva, and I am quite a bit older than she is, but she's never acted this self-centered. She was a great friend, the kind who organizes birthday parties for people and such. At first I put the bridezilla behavior down to her having had such a bad first marriage. Maybe Pinterest and white lace poisoned her mind. Commenter 2: Was her husband in a white suit too? Maybe he could wear it when he divorces her. Because, in the words of Good Charlotte: I rock a law suit when I'm going to court, A white suit when I'm getting divorced, a black suit at the funeral home and my birthday suit when I'm home alone! 😂. OOP: White tux. He looked like an ice cream cone in the wedding pix.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not OP. That is u/remarkablyProper who posted to r/weddingdrama This one is a bit on the longer side Original Post June 5th, 2025 Coming to the internet because a) this is a batshit insane story, and b) I have no idea how to move forward. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated! There's a bit of backstory to cover, so apologies for the exposition: My partner Joe (24M) and I (24F) have been together for eight years and married for just under a month (yay!). J's best friend Seth (23M) and I have known each other since before Joe and I met. About a year and a half after Joe and I started dating, Seth started seeing Mia (23F) and the double-dates commenced. I've never been a huge fan of Mia since she's the type of person to eat three-quarters of her meal at a restaurant then complain to the wait staff until they comp the meal, among other things. In the summer of 2021, Seth bought a house for himself and Mia that needed a lot of work due to prior flooding. My partner and I went out there, and Joe and Seth did some work on the plumbing and subfloor. A few other times Joe went out there to help with other stuff, and by the end of 2021 Seth had the place renovated into a pretty nice house. He and Mia invited us and some of our friends from the friend group out there for a New Year's party. They have a pretty nice detached garage/pole barn situation, so they got it set up with beer pong and speakers and stuff, meaning people were going back and forth from the pole barn to the house. At one point it was just Seth and I in the house mixing drinks, and he confided in me that he wasn't entirely happy in his relationship. He talked about how Mia called him names, laughed at him, yelled at him, etc. and asked what he should do. I said what my partner would have said: "We have a spare bedroom if you need it." Every time we went out to Seth and Mia's house, Seth would find a way to confide these things in me. They gradually got worse, too - she threw stuff at him, slammed doors so hard they'd break off their hinges, stuff like that. Every time I'd remind him we had a spare bedroom, but I couldn't outright tell him to leave her - it didn't feel like my place to make that call. Don't get me wrong, I definitely told him he deserved better, but I wanted him to connect the dots for himself. In October 2022, while at a Halloween party, Seth showed me a picture of the engagement ring he'd gotten. I don't remember much of the conversation beyond him asking if his proposal plan sounded good. I told him yes, I congratulated him, I did all the things I thought a friend should do. A month later, there are beautiful photos all over Facebook announcing the engagement, and announcing that the wedding date was set for October 2023. In February 2023 Mia asked me to stand as a bridesmaid in her wedding, and I genuinely was shocked - we didn't talk much, even at their house parties. My partner, of course, was asked to be the best man, and he instantly accepted. I didn't know what to say - they'd asked us in front of the rest of the wedding party, and I hadn't been expecting it at all, so I accepted, too. It made me nervous thinking about it, but if that's what they wanted, then I was going to do my damnedest to make this wedding work for them. Despite everything Seth had told me, it wasn't my place to cause a scene about it. In March, Mia asked me to make sure my hair was a "normal color" for their wedding. It's worth mentioning that at the time my hair was a light lavender-ish color, and I'm no stranger to impulsively dyeing my hair a vibrant color. I told her I'd of course make sure it was a normal color, but she'd have to tell me what color. In honesty, because my hair is always a different color, the request didn't bother me much beyond lamenting having to grow out whatever color she told me to go. Shit really started to hit the fan in August on the bachelorette weekend trip. The drive up was about two hours, and Mia spent most of it telling us about the latest wedding drama: that her parents had decided to take all of the money they'd been setting aside for a wedding venue and use it to refurbish their pole barn. Mia's parents were demanding that Mia and Seth work long hours pouring concrete, putting up walls, and retiling roofs, so the wedding could be held there. Mia talked about how her mother had been especially rude and condescending about the whole thing, calling her an ungrateful bitch when Mia talked about wanting the wedding to be somewhere else. I felt so bad for her - and I felt even worse when Mia's mother, along with eight of her friends, crashed the bachelorette weekend. We were outnumbered in this AirBNB to the point that I had to sleep on the floor. There were nine women, all fifty or older, impeding on Mia's bachelorette weekend in the drunk the entire weekend, throwing up into the lake off the paddleboat they crammed all nine of themselves onto kind of way. Mia had been looking forward to one of those lazy-river situations where you rent a bunch of inner tubes and coast down a river and all that. The morning of, though, these women decided it should be put to a vote whether they went (no doubt because some of them were still drunk and some were hungover), and the overall consensus was to skip the tubing--that all of the bridesmaids had already paid for--and instead hang out at the AirBNB. I grabbed a few pre-rolls from my luggage, took Mia by the arm, and sat out on the front porch with her. We shot the shit about everything - not just the awful turnout of the bach party, but everything else. I felt like we really connected out there, talking about our partners and their friendship and what it would be like when we had kids and they'd have an extra aunt and uncle. For a long time, I thought Seth and Mia would be the godparents to my husband and my kids. A month before the wedding, Mia called an "emergency bridal party meeting" at their house. Per usual, my partner and I were the first ones there. Once the rest of the bridal party got there (minus Seth's little sister - she was left out of the bachelorette party trip, too), we talked about the schedule of the day and how the bridal party would make entrances to the venue. At one point, Mia (who was quite drunk by then) pulled me aside and reminded me about the hair color. My hair at the time was split-dyed red and pink. I asked her what color she wanted me to go, and she said "Copper would look so good on you!" About a week and a half before the wedding, I went out and got a brownish-copper hair dye and did the job. Since I colored my hair pretty frequently, it wasn't the healthiest, and I tried my best to do hair masks and stuff to make sure it wasn't too brittle for styling on the day of the wedding. Then, a week before the wedding, my partner proposed to me. I, of course, posted pictures all over Facebook - and my hair in the pictures was copper. The Tuesday before the wedding, Mia texted me and asked if the color of my hair in those photos was how it would be for her wedding day. I said yes and reminded her that I'd asked her what color to do, and she had told me copper. She denied ever telling me that, and that she would never have suggested copper, since my dress was cinnamon-colored. She told me to send her a picture of myself wearing the dress so she could see if the colors clashed too badly. Before I could even send a photo of myself in the dress, she told me to just dye my hair an "actual normal color." This turned into a massive back-and-forth of me telling her that I didn't have the money or time to go out and get my hair redone, and I was afraid if I dyed my hair again so soon it'd break off and be even more awful. I offered to step out of frame for her pictures. I offered to have my hair up so it wasn't touching the dress. I offered to suggest to her photographer that they color-correct my hair. Her mind was made up, though. She told me she'd have me wear a wig for the entire day. I told her I certainly couldn't afford a high-quality wig, and she told me she'd pay for it. The entire bridal party had gotten a text from Seth and Mia requesting all of us be at the venue (about an hour and forty-five minute drive) at noon the Friday before the wedding to help do final touches before the rehearsal dinner at five. Of the entire bridal party, my partner and I were the only ones who showed up at noon; everyone else didn't show until five or later. We went up to Seth to greet him, and the first thing he said to us was, "Is it too late to call it off?" And in proper supportive friend fashion, we told him "no" reminded him of our spare bedroom. I'd had a nightmare the night before of the maid of honor beating the shit out of me when she saw my hair, so when she finally showed around five-thirty and came right up to me, I nearly pissed myself. She held out her hand and pointed to her ring finger. It dawned on me that I had, indeed, gotten engaged a few days prior (easy to forget, given all the other stuff going on), and I held out my hand so she could see the ring. She gushed about how beautiful it was, and she told me she needed to talk to me outside after the rehearsal. Fair enough. I confided in her when we stepped outside that I was terrified she wanted to beat me up, and she told me the whole story of the texts: how she had told Mia not to send them and to let her handle it, how her work friends had read all the screenshots Mia sent and thought she was taking things way too far, etc. We talked for a long time, and at the end of it she said she'd check with Mia on where the wig situation stood. Before the end of the night, she pulled me aside again and confirmed that Mia wanted me to wear the wig the entire night and that she wouldn't settle for an updo or anything of the sort. The MOH then invited me to spend the night with the rest of the bridesmaids at Mia's house, which I politely declined. I was expected at a salon about an hour from my house the next morning at 8am, and I arrived at 7:45 just to be safe. The rest of the bridesmaids, along with the bride, all showed up shortly thereafter. The salon is owned by one of M's mom's cousins, who also happened to be at the bachelorette weekend (she was one of the dumbasses puking off the side of the paddleboat). She got me in a chair before I had even set my bag down, and by 8am, I had the most hideous wig slapped onto my head. She didn't even style it, didn't even bobby pin it down. It took 10 minutes, max. The other bridesmaids got their hair styled in super cute curls and waterfall braids, and I sat there with an unstyled, unflattering wig on my head that wasn't even properly covering my hairline. We got our makeup done at the salon, too, by a different lady. When I sat down in the chair she asked me if I was okay, because nobody was speaking to me. I asked her if the makeup was waterproof or anything, and she told me to just try my best not to cry. She ended up doing my makeup pretty quickly, too, and in all I spent maybe a half hour in a salon chair. The other bridesmaids had way more time for hair and makeup, and between the way the wig looked and the fact that none of them would even look at me, I excused myself to go out to my car. I have never cried the way I did in that car. I called Joe, who was riding with the groomsman I was going to walk down the aisle with. I tipped my head down so the tears wouldn't leave tracks in my foundation. I scream-cried that I wanted to go home and that I couldn't keep doing this. I told him how I felt like I was back in middle school and high school being bullied, all because I did what the bride told me to do. I dyed my hair the color she told me to dye it. He reminded me that I wasn't standing in the wedding for Mia, but for Seth. I told him I couldn't even do it for Seth, because S knew about the situation (Joe had talked to him about it) and wasn't willing to stand up for me. Which, I'm not saying I expected him to stand up to his soon-to-be wife for another woman, but it doesn't change the fact that I couldn't handle the pressure and the bullying. Joe told me then that I should do it for him, and that after this we'd figure it out. After the ceremony, Al, the groomsman I had walked with, caught me crying. We were all supposed to be taking photos, and I couldn't stop thinking about how these people were supposed to be the godparents to our future kids, and they couldn't even stand to have me in the photos without a wig on my head. A went into the house and came out with one of those little pocket-sized shooters of Pink Whitney for me. After dinner, I slipped out to "go to the bathroom" (i.e. cry a bit more and call my mom). My mom told me to take the wig off and get a ride home, and that it wasn't worth it. I told her Mia was making me keep it on the entire night. Before she could really convince me to get the hell outta there, Joe tracked me down. He didn't know what to say, he just held me for a while, then told me I had to come back because they were starting speeches. Shortly after the dancing really got going and the sun had fully set, Al started asking me if it'd hurt if he yanked the wig off. I told him they hadn't even bothered to pin the damn thing down. I told him not to, because I didn't want to face the wrath of Mia. He asked me if I would rather spend the rest of the night miserable, and I shrugged a shoulder and told him to do whatever he wanted. He yanked the wig off and tossed it on one of the empty tables, then told me, "If Seth or Mia have any shit to say, you tell them to come say it to me." A few of the wedding guests even came up to me and said that my hair, despite being braided tightly to my head for the wig to lay on top, looked much better like this. In the days following the wedding, Mia started sharing photos to Facebook, but none of them had me in them. I couldn't tell if I was more relieved to not have to see the palpable misery on my face, or furious that she had me put on a wig just to exclude my face from all the posts anyway. I fell into this horrible despair; I thought I'd be relieved to be done, but instead I was left with this gaping feeling. My partner and I had just stood for his best friend (and my close friend) on the most important day of his life, and we had nothing to show for it. There would be no showing our kids photos from Aunt Mia and Uncle Seth's wedding day, because that wasn't me in the photos. And even if it was, they didn't bother to send us any photos from the day at any point. Two weeks after Seth and Mia's wedding, we were hosting a Halloween party - partly as a gift to the newlyweds, and partly because they usually hosted Halloween, and we wanted to give them a break. They said they would come, but the night before the party they cancelled on us. As frustrated as I was to be throwing this party for them only for them to cancel, I can't say I wasn't a little relieved. I didn't know how to talk to either of them after that day, and I didn't want to be forced to figure it out quite yet. The beginning of November - a month and a half after the wedding day - Joe sent Seth and Mia a message in a group chat without me in it. The message reiterated that they are always welcome at our house (we were hosting Friendsgiving at the end of November and had extended the invitation to them), but that we were both incredibly hurt by what went down with the wedding. Joe requested an apology for the hurt I was put through, especially after Mia told me to dye my hair copper, then tried to tell me she never would have said that. Mia responded that I was "just mad because I didn't get what I wanted," that we were "asinine if we thought she'd see my ugly ass hair and do anything other than throw a wig on my head," that she "wouldn't apologize for something she's not sorry for." The following day, Seth called Joe to apologize. Apparently he'd told Mia not to send the message. He told Joe that he thought I also owed Mia an apology for taking the wig off at all. During that phone call, Seth said something along the lines of being done with the friend group - that he only wanted to hang out with Joe - over all of it. The friend group, who already didn't have the best impression of Mia even before all the shit went down, was unanimously fine with that decision. The day after Seth and Joe's call, Mia sent me a one-on-one message (re: novel) about how she would have dyed her hair whatever color I wanted for my wedding, because there are "temporary colors" and it'd fade eventually. She also accused me of not knowing her well enough to be saying what I was about her mother back during the bachelorette trip, that I was being stuck up, and so on and so forth. I typed up a similar-length response, and I'm proud to say I kept it civil. I reminded her that I did dye my hair the exact color she wanted, that I just refused to do it a second time in fear of frying my hair or making it look worse. I apologized for what I'd said about her mother, but I also told her that if I didn't know her well enough to talk honestly with her about something that was deeply troubling her, I never should have been standing in the wedding in the first place. I told her that if I was "stuck up" I would have taken myself home instead of still standing in the wedding party, despite everything she put me through. It took two days for Mia to respond, and she replied with, "After processing...I feel like I owe you an apology." End of message. We expected to see them at Friendsgiving and try to smooth things over in person, but Seth texted Joe a literal hour before they were supposed to arrive and said that Mia wanted to "go look at Christmas lights" in a city almost two hours away. Joe was faced with the impossible decision as we grew closer to planning our own wedding of whether Seth could be his best man. Ultimately, Seth made the decision for him by blocking me on Facebook and removing me from his contacts on everything. For a long time, that was it. Seth and Mia were strangers to us. We didn't even invite them to our wedding. The reason I hash this all out now, though, is that I'm left with an impossible situation, and I need help. In March of this year (about two months before Joe and my wedding), Seth called Joe while Joe was at work and asked what had happened to them. Joe asked if he was joking, and when he realized Seth wasn't, he laid it all out: the wig, the non-apology, the name-calling, all of it. Apparently Seth and Mia don't have anyone to hang out with anymore, mostly due to the way they treated me. Seth must have taken notes during this phone call or something, because a day or so later, Seth sent Joe a long apology--for me. Apparently Mia had written the apology that I needed over a year and a half ago, gave it to Seth, and Seth gave it to Joe. Joe had been looking for the right time to tell me about it. He said it sounds sort of legit, but he also admitted that it sounds like Seth had written it himself. All of this is with the intention of Seth and Joe hanging out together, which let me be clear, I never prevented. I encouraged Joe to keep up with Seth, I just didn't want anything to do with him. The moment Mia had that wig put on my head, it's like she and Seth became strangers to me. So that's why I'm here. I haven't read the apology, and my partner said he wouldn't blame me if I never wanted to read it. Even typing this all out is reminding me the kind of emotional turmoil they put me through over this. What's the play? Do I read the apology? It sounds like Seth and Mia want to go back to double-dating and house parties like before - is that a possibility? I genuinely don't think I could ever look either one of them in the eye again, but do I owe it to them/to my partner to try? TL;DR: My husband's best friend's wife asked me to stand in her wedding, told me to dye my hair, didn't like the color and put a wig on me, told me she wouldn't apologize for something she's not sorry for, and she and her husband are lonely 1.5 years later and want to rekindle our friendship. Added Comments commenter This is on you. They didn’t “make” you do anything. You could have said “NO!” at any point. Life is too short to be a doormat. OP Definitely agree, and hindsight is 20/20. It was the first wedding I stood in as a bridesmaid, so I was at a real and true loss of how far I was supposed to go. Update June 9th, 2025 Hey Reddit! I (24F) posted a few days ago about my husband Joe's (24M) best friend Seth's (23M) wedding. Here's the link to the original post, but the TL;DR is that Seth's wife Mia (23F) asked me to stand as a bridesmaid in their wedding, told me to dye my hair copper, told me after the fact that she never would have said to go copper, made me wear an unstyled wig the entire day, called me crazy and told my husband she wasn't sorry, and now over 1.5 years later is trying to apologize via a letter to my husband to give to me. First the update, then clarification from some of the recurring comments: Update. I told my husband I'm not going to read the letter. The apology is a year and a half late, and as far as I'm concerned, it's a load of bullshit intended to get back to being friends with him. If they truly cared about me in this situation, they'd never have called me crazy. They'd have apologized the minute I expressed how hurt I was. They wouldn't have done what they did in the first place. Joe is a huge believer in giving people room to grow and learn from mistakes, which is why he'd told me about the letter in the first place and not just burned it himself. After our talk, he realizes what kind of damage it would do to me to let Seth and Mia back into our lives, even if they have grown and changed. I don't need to be their human empathy test subject. I truly hope they've become better people, but given they're reaching back out because nobody else will be friends with them, I doubt they truly have. As for the comments - I had a lot of people asserting that the outcome of this is entirely my fault, and that I let myself be walked all over so I deserved everything that came to me. While I don't entirely disagree, I do think that even in my long ass post there's a lot of context missing. To start, Joe and Seth had been best friends for over 10 years at this point. If I caused a scene at Seth's wedding, even warranted, I feared what it would do to their friendship. (The friendship basically ended either way thanks to Seth's wife, but I digress.) I wore the wig because I didn't want to rock the boat. I was young and naive and didn't actually think Mia would make me wear a wig until the morning of, when they were slapping a wig on my head and shooing me out of the salon chair. I'd heard from Mia firsthand how much stress she was under due to the wedding and her insane mother, and I thought being a sounding board for her and being there for her would have made her have a change of heart. Instead I became the target; she couldn't very well bully her mother, so she bullied me instead. There were also a lot of people calling me out about Seth pulling me aside and telling me how unhappy he was, and again I think you're missing key context. I didn't just tell him "we have a spare bedroom for you" and leave it at that - I talked at length with him about these things. I told him that he deserved better, that he could come stay with us for as long as he needed to figure things out, that no matter how deep the hole he dug himself felt, we were there to get him out of it. He had a house and pets with Mia. He worked with Mia's dad. She had successfully made herself a part of every piece of his life, and in our conversations, I told Seth that Joe and I could help him detach however he needed. I even told him he was being abused, especially when it came to things being thrown and doors being slammed, but Seth is of the mindset that men can never be the victims of domestic violence. (I wonder if that mindset has changed by now.) Point is, I said everything but outright telling him to leave Mia. Maybe that's what the comments were getting at, is that I should have spelled it out like that. The day before the wedding, Seth asked if it was too late, and Joe and I told him no. We told him he could get in the car and we could drive away with no questions asked. Seth is a grown adult, too; he chose what he did. Lots of people were coming after my husband, as well, and I can't lie - Seth and Mia's wedding definitely did some damage to our relationship. I left that situation feeling like no matter how many times Joe told me I was the most important person in his life, there would always be something (or someone) that could get in the way of that. Things were rocky for a bit - he was apologetic the moment the wedding was over, wishing he'd taken the wig off my head or gone to the salon and picked me up and taken me home. Hindsight is 20/20, I guess. If either of us had known that no matter what, Seth and Mia were going to completely isolate themselves, I wouldn't have worried so much about preserving Joe and Seth's friendship, and neither would he. At the end of it, though, Joe and I have talked it through. We know where our priorities lie. The only reason he'd been advocating for me to read the apology letter was for my own peace of mind and my own closure. He respects my decision to leave the note unread and leave Seth and Mia to be unhappily ever after. TL;DR: Seth and Mia are complete strangers to me. I won't be reading the apology letter, and I won't be dedicating any more of myself to thinking about it. Thank you to everyone who commented on the original post - sometimes tough love is necessary. I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts. submitted by /u/secure-raspberry-763 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/OberlandFox Am I the asshole for letting my stepdaughter wear a black dress to a wedding? Originally posted to r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC Thanks to u/gahidus for suggesting this BoRU Original Post May 4, 2025 I (m48) needed some input. My wife, Linda(f40), was the maid of honor for my cousin Susan(f38). We've been together for 10 years, married for seven, and we have two children together(m5, f4) along with my stepdaughter, Tiffany(f16). Tiffany is very goth/emo. She pretty much only ever wears black. Even her pajamas will at least have evil hello Kitty on them. Linda is very detail and image oriented and can be a bit of a micromanager. She gets very hung up on weddings. She was a bit of a bridezilla at ours, and I joked that Susan had made her maid of honor because she needed a bridal attack dog. She wasn't amused and I stopped making that joke. In the time leading up to the wedding, my wife was fighting with Tiffany over what Tiffany would wear to the wedding. Linda wanted her to “dress normal”, and Tiffany refused. Linda ultimately gave her an ultimatum to pick out an acceptable dress or she would just pick one for her. Tiffany still refused to budge, and this ended up with Linda going out on her own and buying a peach dress that was completely outside of Tiffany's style and telling her that this was what she was wearing to the wedding. The day of the wedding, Linda's maid of honor duties had her with the wedding party super early in the morning and gone all day. I was going to meet her there along with my stepdaughter. I dropped off our younger kids with my eldest daughter. I did a couple of quick errands, and I got back to our house just in time to leave if everything went smoothly. When I got there, Tiffany was not wearing the peach dress, but instead she was wearing a fancy black dress that was much more like what she normally wears. Lace sleeves, kind of a corset thing going on, longer in the back than in the front, basically what I would have expected her to wear to a wedding. I asked her if this is what her mom said she could wear, and she said not to worry about it and that it was too late to change anyway. I tried telling her that she should change into the other dress, but she said that there wasn't enough time, and changing dresses would take forever, and furthermore that her makeup wouldn't match the other dress anyway. Tiffany does spend a lot of time on makeup, and while I'm not an expert I guess even I could tell that her hair, makeup, and accessories wouldn't match the other dress, even if there was time to change. We were already on the verge of running late so really there was nothing I could do about it. We just went with Tiffany and the dress she was wearing. We arrived at the ceremony, and Linda was kind of preoccupied with helping Susan and all that, but she low-key grilled me about what Tiffany was wearing. And I just shrugged and explained to her the situation as it was: she was already wearing this dress, already had her hair and makeup done, makeup wouldn't match the other dress and there was no time to change it all etc” nothing to be done about it at this point. She didn't have a whole lot of time to hang around and talk with me with everything going on. Tiffany got some looks, but she always does. She does stand out a bit, as you might expect. People seemed mostly fine with her though. Tiffany rode with me to the reception. She had been studiously dodging her mother as much as possible. Shortly after we were there, I noticed Tiffany's best friend Bethany(f16) hanging around in a slightly more understated goth dress. Apparently she drove herself and Tiffany helped her crash the party. It was a big venue with a lot of guests and she was pretty easy to ignore. My wife and my cousin both work for my dad's company, so I was at a table with him and some of their other co-workers. He noticed that Tiffany had snuck Bethany in and alerted me, when he elbowed me, pointed, and said, “They're multiplying.” Throughout the reception, Tiffany and Bethany were taking photos of each other, mostly Bethanytaking them of Tiffany. Her mom got on her again, but with the wedding planner somehow Mia, she couldn't devote too much attention to them. She told me to handle them and that they were drawing too much attention. They agreed to tone it down, and they were much more subtle/ subdued after that. Bethany had a collapsible camera stand stick thing she had been setting up around different places and she either stopped using it or stayed out of the way more. Both of them seemed to just stay out from underfoot too much. Linda gave me a few looks during the wedding itself and the reception, but she was very busy and she seems to have put on a face to keep from adding to drama during the day, but she laid into me on the way home. She was upset that I “let” Tiffany come to the wedding “looking like a vampire” and drawing attention to herself. She said I knew she was supposed to wear the other dress and not be in so much makeup. To hear her tell about it, Tiffany was a total spectacle, and her appearance was totally inappropriate. Linda said that It's never appropriate for a guest to wear black to a wedding, that Tiffany's dress was too eye-catching, that she was embarrassed and mortified, and that I let Tiffany do whatever she wants. She said that I shouldn't have let Tiffany and her friend turn the wedding into a cosplay event and the reception into their private photo shoot. In my defense, yes I knew they had been fighting about Tiffany's dress and makeup, but I had been doing errands that Linda gave me before I got home, and when I got home, Tiffany was already dressed. We didn't have a whole lot of time, and I know from experience that she can take quite a while changing clothes or doing makeup. As I mentioned, she said that her makeup wouldn't match the other dress anyway. She didn't draw that much attention at the wedding. Sure, she got some looks. She always does, but it was nothing major. Her and her friend hardly turned the reception into a private photo shoot. Mostly it was just Bethany taking some photos. Tiffany did kind of awkwardly hang around the photographer until he took some pictures of her, but it wasn't enough to derail anything. By that point it seemed like he was just looking for interesting things to shoot, and I guess she fit the bill. The girls cooled it with their own photo setups after I talked to them. Linda complained about Tiffany having a bouquet She was posing with, but she didn't even have that when we left the house. Bethany brought a bouquet of (fake) black roses with her when Tiffany let her in, I guess. I'm pretty sure I've seen that same bouquet before. Susan didn't even care that much if she noticed at all. I've tried to tell Linda lots of times that lots of things don't need to be a problem unless you decide to make them a problem. I've also told her that you have to pick your battles with teenage girls, and that the more you try to fight with them the more you end up getting drama and push back. I'm a bit more experienced in this area. I have two adult daughters, 28 and 22, who are both total daddy's girls even to this day. Tiffany is Linda's oldest kid and was her only one until our kids together. I've always had a great relationship with Tiffany even since she was a little kid, and part of that is probably because I don't pick fights with her like her mom does. Linda says that I let her do whatever she wants, but that's not true. I'm very strict with her about her grades and her chores. She used to leave huge messes in the bathroom of makeup and hair stuff. Linda fought with her about it, while I just sort of calmly explained that everyone needs to clean up after themselves and if she's going to make a mess in there she has to be the one to clean it, and it was fine. She'll babysit for me,when I ask, but again her mom always turns it into some kind of power struggle that turns into an argument. She'll try to micromanage and add additional tasks, while I'll just ask her if she can watch her little sister/ brother for a bit, and if she says okay then that's good enough. Sometimes, if I need to bribe her a little, I bribe her a little. As far as her being “embarrassed” in front of her co-workers, they all thought Tiffany was cute. And even after Bethany crashed, it was more just something to occasionally talk about then anything anyone was scandalized over we made a few jokes about “the goth invasion” And that was it. I was around them and my dad way more than she was that night anyway, and no one minded. She even spent some time talking about makeup with my mother. So, long story long, my wife is still getting after my stepdaughter about what she wore to the wedding, being moody about it and causing unnecessary tension, while I've just told her that this doesn't matter and it doesn't have to be a thing. She's had some of her friends (notably not the bride herself, my cousin, nor any of her co-workers who were actually at the wedding) chime in about how I'm an asshole for this, but I just feel like she's making something out of nothing. Am I the asshole for letting my stepdaughter wear a black dress to a wedding? RELEVANT COMMENTS oldcousingreg Did Susan care? OOP No, not as far as I an tell. She didn't seem surprised or upset, and she didn't really say anything about it. She notably hasn't complained at me about it, unlike some of the allies my wife has rallied after the fact. ~ Chilling_Storm Nta. You pick your battles. And you weren't going to win that one with your stepdaughter. Wearing black to a wedding at 16, is kind of a big shrug. -laughingfox Hot tip to other parents of goth leaning kids ...very dark green can be your friend. It's close enough to black (especially in velvet or other fancy fabric) that you might be able to convince them to wear it instead of black, if it's that big of a deal. Otherwise, trying to stick a goth kid into a peach dress: that was never going to fly. OOP Oh she definitely knew Tiffany would hate the dress. When my wife bought it, I instantly told her I could never imagine her wearing it in a million years. She just said, "Well it's what she's wearing". Update May 14, 2025 Just a brief update in case anyone was wondering. I had a talk with Linda, and we covered a lot of the same points that people brought up here in the thread. I had already mentioned to her that getting into fights over things that don't really matter only causes tension and resentment between her and Tiffany, but I also emphasized the fact that Tiffany is almost an adult and that pushing her away might eventually make her stay away. Linda seemed to take it in when I emphasized that she has to let Tiffany be who she wants and that she can't really force the matter as if she were a little kid. We got together with both of our parents over Mother's Day, And my own mom told Linda that she thought Tiffany's outfit had been very pretty, that she admired the effort Tiffany puts into her look, and that Tiffany was a charming young lady as usual. She and I noted that it would have been much more unpleasant to have a miserable, sulky teenager being uncomfortable and resentful throughout the night. Linda's own mom was a little bit more judgmental, but she mostly held her tongue beyond the few looks and offhand remarks. Of course, everyone already knew that her views on fashion were a lot more conventional, and that she thinks I'm too lax and permissive. We don't actually see my wife 's parents that often, just a few times a year. If not for the wedding, this might have been the first time seeing them since at least around Thanksgiving. But I did note, to Linda, that given the choice, Tiffany clearly spends more time with my mom than with her own biological grandmother. I did have Tiffany go ahead and apologize to Susan, just in case, and I chatted with her briefly as well. Susan hadn't initially noticed/ known that Bethany wasn't invited. (It was a big wedding at a big venue) And she wasn't too fussed over it. Apparently she was still within the margins of the planning. I don't mind “coddling” Tiffany a little bit, and I just try to be a good dad. I am the only father that she has. My wife's late husband passed away a couple of years before we met. I could tell that she needed a dad, and I was glad to treat her the same as I had my older girls. I guess it's not always easy being a stepparent, but Tiffany and I have always gotten along, and I love her. Linda can be a bit type A, and she was definitely super stressed about the wedding day. She ended up with a lot on her plate, practically needing to step into the wedding planner's shoes. The planner's son was in the hospital. (He's totally fine now, probably an allergic reaction.) It was a wonder that the day went as smoothly as it did. She was hugely responsible for that. She ultimately admitted that I probably did the right thing, but I told her that every girl wants to look pretty and feel confident, and you should almost always let them not do a thing that's how it's going to make them look and feel. It was also worth pointing out that Tiffany would have looked wild in the pictures in a peach dress with her goth makeup, more so if she was clearly in a rotten mood. The two of them seem to have patched things up quite a bit, and we all had a really nice brunch together. So all's well that ends well, I guess. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Prestigious_Ticket62 Originally posted to r/CharlotteDobreYouTube AITA for yelling at my mother, sister and father for a comment they made over my dress at a family wedding. Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability Trigger Warnings: medical issues, emotional abuse and manipulation, body shaming Original Post: February 1, 2025 This is so stupid, back story for context I 41 female have always been a chesty woman. Since I was 13 I have been a DD CUP. PCOs will do that to you, it comes with hormone changes, weight gain. rapid growth of facial hair during puberty. After discovering an ovarian cyst the size of a soft ball was removed I went from being flat chested to looking like an adult film star over a few months. I can’t help I developed so quickly. Anyway my mother and father thought they could try and “hide” it with turtle necks and baggy clothes. Where you would see teens wearing cute outfits I looked like a wannabe nun. Covered from head to toe to hide my body. As I grew up It got worse. I get asked to dances and my parents would buy me dresses that covered me from neck to toes. I swear my claustrophobia was at an all time high living in that house. Because of this I also developed depression so at this point I didn’t care what I looked like and ate a lot!!! To cope with everything that was going on in my life and mind. I gained weight, a lot of it and of course that was just another thing for my parents to complain about. Speed forward to now. I’m all grown up now and living on my own. For the past 20 years I have worked on myself and my mental health to the point I lost 182 pounds. I went from a size 26 to a size 10-12 depending on the style of clothing. And got my hormones in check. You’d think my family would be happy for me right!? Wrong! I got invited to my cousins wedding a couple months ago. I went out and bought a dress for the occasion because why not, I never buy things for myself and I wanted to feel good on this day. I bought a beautiful blush pink dress with a sweet heart neck line and 2/3 sleeve with a lace overlay on top. It was the prettiest thing ever and only showed alittle of my cleavage. As soon as I walk into the venue my mother and father waved me over to their seats so I could sit with them. As soon as I sat down my father decided it would be the perfect time to tell me while I looked nice it would be better if I would cover up with a wrap or something. I looked at my mother and she is clutching her imaginary pearls and instantly agreed with my father. Like me showing an inch or two of cleavage was the end of the world. I ignored them because I was raised better than to raise my voice in a church. After the ceremony I walked away and didn’t say a world I congratulated my cousin and her husband on the way out. About to head to the reception. And soon as I get in my car with the love of my life I hear my phone blowing up with texts. I glance at the screen and see both my father mother and even my sister texting me options of wraps I could borrow for the reception. I sighed and said I don’t need one because it’s 84 degrees and I am already sweating in what I have on. They all respond with well if you knew how to dress yourself then we wouldn’t have to help you. That’s when I lost it. I texted back. “you all realize I am 41 years old I can dress myself right! I know me being big chested must be so bad for you. Since I’m the one who has to live with them. And has lived with them for over 20 years. This is my body and I will wear what I want where I want. Stop trying to police my outfits. You bitched and blamed me when I was heavier and now that I feel good in my own skin you want to tear me down more. I’m done I will see you at the reception and if any of you tries to cover me up to save face I will not hesitate to cut you all off.” I turned my phone off and had my boyfriend drive us to the reception. He was so proud of me for standing up to my parents that we might have taken a detour to a secluded beach and made out for an hour. lol anywhooo, once we got to the reception my cousin and aunt pulled me to the side and scolded me for sending my parents the message I sent. I explained to them that they have been policing my clothing for decades and I’m done with it. I’m an adult and I can decide what’s appropriate and what’s not. My aunt understood but my cousin said she isn’t taking sides and wished I hadn’t started drama on her day. I told my cousin if she was so concerned with drama than maybe she needed to go talk to my parents and tell them to stop telling people how I upset them. So Reddit am I the hole Edit to add: some people in the comments were shocked about the dress color choice the theme was 2 shades of pink. Just envision the wedding scene from steel magnolias a blush pink and dusty rose shade of pink. And to add my aunt who also had pcos and was rather large chested herself before she got a reduction finally understood where I was coming from. My mother was even wearing the same shade of pink as myself. So the cousin was not mad about the pink color dress she was just upset that I upset my parents and sister. The only other person who was on my side and didn’t see a problem with my outfit was my brother. The rest of the reception my brother and boyfriend were playing defense keeping my parents and sister away from me the rest of the night. There’s a whole other back story behind why I have a strained relationship with my family but I’ll probably make an update on that one at some point. I do want to discuss things with my family I am just not sure how to start I don’t know if I should go in guns blazing or gently bring it up so they don’t feel like I am attacking them. I just want my voice to be heard Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I don't think your did anything wrong. The only thing different i would have done is not sit with them. I would keep our conversation short if you have to see your parents but other than that I would go low/no contact. But that's just me. OOP: I’ve been low contact for 20 years since I moved out. I only see them on special occasions. Over the last few years I’ve been trying to reconnect but it just ends the same way. So I stick to holidays and weddings/funerals to interact Commenter 2: NTA. And ditto on cousin to call out your family instead of trying to lay blame on you for 'starting drama' after you explained the source of it. That makes me think she shares internalised 'big tatas are scandalising' like your parents and sister. (¬_¬) Just speculating on you cousin's take as an outsider of course; but her mom/your aunt even understood/sympathise your situation so... 🤷🏻‍♀️ Edit: My mind also overthinking that your cousin 'not taking sides' means: I don't want one less wedding gift. 🤣💦 OOP: Right as of right now I am low to no contact with the cousin as well after her “scolding” my aunt had the same issue growing up with pcos and larger breasts before she got a reduction. It is what it is so I won’t cut the aunt off but everyone else who tells me to cover up I have no qualms cutting people off Commenter 3: NTA Look them dead in the eye & ask, "why have you been obsessed with your daughter's breasts for 25 years" and say literally nothing else raising my voice each time they stopped. If people don't understand what causing a scene is, show them. It's gross that they are doing this. OOP: I understand when I was younger they didn’t want people sexualizing me but at 41 years old come on. It’s ridiculous if you ask me How old are OOP's parents? 80s? OOP: Close enough they are in their 70s now OOP should be proud of herself for standing up for herself to her family. OOP: I love “cyster” I’ll be using that from now on. And I agree I honestly think my cousin secretly likes drama and wanted it to continue but she had to be diplomatic in the moment but her annoyance should have 1000 percent been at my parents not me. It took years for me to finally stand up for myself. This isn’t the first time I was made to be the bad guy in situations. When I lost the 182 pounds I was told not to talk about it with people infront of my mom because she was insecure and hurt. So if anyone asked me how I did it, I just had to say I will text you about it later Commenter 4: NTA!!! But your parents and sister are. Good for you for standing up to them (finally). Be proud of yourself and your body. That is what makes you beautiful inside and out. ❤️ OOP: I had a feeling they were going to rope my sister into this. She’s their golden child smart beautiful has the golden ticket grandchildren. I just wish they saw me for me and not as an accessory they can pick and choose to have around Commenter 5: NTA! Good for you for standing your ground! Yay! Your parents and sister suck. Also, what an amazing partner and brother you have to defend you and stand up for you. After explaining, I’m glad your aunt is on your side. Also, I get that bride is upset, but she’s upset at the wrong person. She should be upset at your parents and sister, not you. How did she even know? Unless your parents or sister said something. OOP: From what I was told by my brother the first thing my parents did walking into the reception was show him the text I sent trying to get a reaction out of him. He told my parents that’s what I said wasn’t wrong. They even tried to put a wrap on my chair that I was assigned he. Grabbed it and threw it in his car before I showed up. When he didn’t react like they wanted that’s when they pulled the bride to the side asking her to intervene on their behalf. Which then got my aunt involved i showed them my text response and that’s when my aunt got on my side and the cousin was confused about the whole thing   Update: February 3, 2025 (two days later) On Saturday I contacted my brother and sister to talk about what happened a few months ago at the wedding. My sister was hesitant but agreed and my brother was all in and said he’d be there. We met up at my sisters place and sat down. I started off the conversation that I love my family and would never insult them in anyway but for a 41 year old woman to be reprimanded over a dress that wasn’t even too revealing was ridiculous. My sister tried defending her self and my parents but my brother put a stop to it right there. He mentioned all the times mom dad and her would always nitpick my outfits growing up never allowing me the freedom to have my own personality or style. It wasn’t about her it was about me and how I feel. That shut her up. lol All I wanted was for her to see how it feels for me. Always being knocked down when I have something good going on in my life. Always feeling like a second class citizen in the family. Never living up to their expectations. Not wanting to be the dutiful daughter anymore and wanting to make my own choices and living the life that I want. And it doesn’t include covering myself up from the neck down. My boobs were no longer up for discussion. If they can’t be happy that I am still willing to be apart of the family than so be it. And that went for her as well. I laid it all out if she can’t support me against my parents then I would have to cut her out too. I also mentioned how being cut out of Christmas because of my “stunt” at the wedding was uncalled for. I told her if she wants to side with mom and dad that’s fine but I will no longer accept toxic behavior. We are all grown ups and should act that way. No more involving people into family drama. She agreed. She said she would talk to mom and dad on my behalf because as of right now I am blocked by them. My brother on the other hand decided to be petty he’s planning a family Easter get together and is going to invite everyone except my parents. He might go over there in the morning to see them and talk some sense into them but he’s not holding his breath on them realizing their mistakes. So as of right now I have both siblings on my side but we will see for how long that lasts. If I have a blow out with my parents in the future I will update. But as of right now I guess this is all I can give Additional Information from OOP who gives an exanple of what the dress looked like OOP: It was like this but blush pink and no beading at the top https://imgur.com/a/88MTsxv Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Mmmm… don’t be so sure about your sister. She may tell her parents what’s going on. Or give into them. Best to have a plan ready in case they rock up at Easter. OOP: If it happens I know never to trust her again. Commenter 2: Your brother is awesome. It must be nice having him have your back. OOP: He wasn’t around a lot when I was growing up ten year age gap. I’m guessing he saw my parents toxic behavior way before I did. So I guess this is his way of being there for me now   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

AIW? Invited to a wedding but there's a catch. (New Update) I am not The OOP, OOP is u/EdenCapwell AIW? Invited to a wedding but there's a catch. Originally posted to r/amiwrong Thanks to u/theprismaprincess for suggesting this BoRU Thanks to u/Basic_Bichette for finding the new update BoRU 1 BoRU 2 TRIGGER WARNING: Ableism, entitlement, misogyny, harassment Original Post July 11, 2024 I was so happy to see a wedding invitation in my mailbox. I pulled it out and a little note fell out on an index card but I looked at the invitation first. It was truly beautiful and I immediately stuck it to my fridge like the work of art it was. It was addressed to my husband and me and I was beyond stoked. I love weddings. I tend to get teary-eyed and smile until my face hurts at the joy of new beginnings and all the love. I was even a wedding singer ... that's how much I love them. I picked up the notecard and read that and while my husband was invited ... I'd be in another room helping to babysit all the children there with several other female invitees. There's a special room for children at the church and that's where I'd be. For everything. I'd still need to dress for a wedding in case I wind up in any photos, but I'd be taking my reception meal with the children and I'd be with all the kids for the ceremony. Then there was a link for their gift registry. Oh, and the meals for my husband and myself would be $100.00 each and we have a link to pay it when we digitally RSVP. The first problem here is that I am disabled at 50 years old. Legally. I use oxygen. I use a walker when I need to walk long distances. I sometimes have to give up the walker entirely and use a wheelchair. I'm not proud of it, but there it is. I could happily sit in a room and LOOK at kids but I'd be pretty useless to prevent a fall or stop a child from choking or anything else that would require me to move quickly. Second, my husband isn't the one who has been friends with these people since childhood. I am. Why would he be invited to watch the ceremony and be part of the reception but not me? My husband said he'd happily watch the kids and let me attend the wedding and reception but the invitation specified that only other FEMALE invitees would be watching the kids so I doubt they'd let him. Is this a normal thing at weddings now? Do you pick guests to babysit other guest's children? Should I call them up and explain my health situation even though they already know it and visit me during my multiple hospitalizations a year? I hate having to pull the health card but honestly ... what were they thinking? I confess that I feel offended and hurt that I'm nothing more than a babysitter to them who is expected to pay for my supper and babysit for free. Would I be wrong to simply tell them we won't be able to attend and to find another sitter? And if we don't go ... do we still send a gift? Updating to address some questions: I know these folks because my mom (RIP, Mom) and the bride's grandma were besties. So, I grew up with the bride's mom as an almost sister to me. We went to school together, graduated together, worked at the same place twice, and have been super close since. The bride is like a goddaughter... at least I thought she was. I'm gobsmacked here. The church where they are getting married is a Southern Baptist church. They aren't members. None of us are overly religious. They just liked the venue and booked it. I've never been inside but it's lovely on the outside and apparently, it has a childcare room that is big enough for a bunch of women and kids to hole up comfortably for a wedding and reception. We're all American. The groom's family is related to my family via marriage and the bride and groom met at my house at a cookout a few years ago. I've always been way closer to the bride's family, though. I knew that there had been a proposal. I got Facetimed about ten minutes after it happened and my husband and I cried and laughed and wished them well and ooohed and ahhhed over their story and the ring. I was expecting an invitation, sure. But not like this. The last time I had lunch with the bride's mom, she told me they're inviting around 200 people so it'll be a large wedding with, I'm assuming, a ton of children. No, I don't hate kids. I love kids. I would have loved to have kids of my own but my body just wouldn't do it. It took two miscarriages and a stillbirth to finally make me accept that it wouldn't happen for us. We are in the process of adult adopting two young adults that we brought into our home when we found out they were kicked out and homeless at 18. They've lived with us for years and we're making it legal. They call us Mom and Pop and we're a family. I'm still considering my options. I've started and deleted multiple emails to the bride's mom. I'm a raw nerve right now and my tone isn't the kindest. I want to keep it all in writing so there can be no he said/she said. I plan to ask if they incorrectly sent me the note about babysitting since they know I physically cannot do that. But every inception of the email led with 'WTAF, Donna!?' So, I need to think about it some more. :) Thanks for all the comments. I'm reading them all. RELEVANT COMMENTS cakolin “I’m not proud of it, but there it is.” Sorry to not reply to your initial question, but this comment caught my attention. I just wanted to let you know that you should actually be very proud of yourself and your body, for pushing through and using the equipment that is needed to support your body well. OOP Thank you. So much. I never expected this to be my reality at fifty years old. Never. I went from being so healthy and doing all kinds of sports (I rocked Roller Derby! And could swim like a fish! And loved to play tennis!) to this. And sometimes I feel like it's not even my own body I'm living in anymore. It's just not okay. Therapy is helping me accept it but it's an uphill battle that I feel like I can't win. So thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you. OOP Updated the same post 6 days later July 17, 2024 UPDATE: I spoke to my friend (the mother of the bride) and I'm pretty upset. I've been bawling for most of the day. She called and said that they were getting a lot of backlash from the wedding guests. No one wants to pay $100 for dinner and only three of the women asked were okay with babysitting. I told her I understood that the guests were upset because it's just tacky to 1) be asked to pay and 2) be TOLD you are invited but only to babysit. I told her I would not be a babysitter. At all. No. Just no. She got mad and brought up how we were lifelong friends. She said I'd be helping them more by babysitting than I'd be helping by simply sitting in a pew watching. I reminded her that I couldn't physically help at ALL due to, you know, being legally disabled. She said they completely understood that and expected me to simply 'supervise' the other sitters since they trusted me most. Again, I told her that I felt it was insulting to be volun-told (thanks, Reddit, for that word) that I'd be babysitting and that I had no desire to do that, especially not dressed in formal wear. THEN we got to the truth. She said that she didn't know if I'd be in a wheelchair that day or require a walker. That's fair. I don't always know which one I'll need. She said that they wanted everyone in pews for the wedding video and me sitting in a wheelchair would make me stick out and ruin video/photos. I said, "If I need a wheelchair that day then I can move to a pew and my husband can put the wheelchair in another room or back in our car. I may not even need it that day." Then she says, "Well, space is limited in the pews. You would take up the space of two people with your purse and oxygen tank." I said, "No, I would not. I wouldn't bring a purse in and the oxygen tank either sits on my lap or between my feet." (it's like a little backpack.) Then she said, "Well, having you in oxygen in the photos would be distracting from the other people." And there you have it. Words were exchanged and she hung up on me. I haven't been removed from any social media YET but I fully expect to be. I already feel awful for being this way at only 50 years old. I didn't choose this. I didn't want this. If she thinks its awful to having it photographed ... just imagine living with it. Which is what I told her before she hung up on me. I'm devastated. Just devastated. OOP Updated a 2nd time on July 25, 2024 UPDATE 2: I'm not in the greatest headspace. I don't think I've ever been less okay, honestly. I did not register to RSVP or communicate with them further. Until ... another invitee got in touch with me and said that the mother of the bride, a person I thought of as basically my sister, was badmouthing me into the ground. I explained my side and our mutual friend was livid. They told the mother of the bride and the bride that they were wrong to want to exclude me because I might or might not need a wheelchair and would have oxygen on my face. I could remove the oxygen for photos, they told her. So, the mother of the bride sent me a message saying .... and I quote, "Well, if you're going to be butthurt about the aesthetic we want to achieve and try to turn other guests against us then you can f*cking come and sit in a pew. But not in photos. And we'll try to get the videographer to do edits to the wedding vid, too. But I won't forget how you made this difficult for us." I replied, "How did I make it difficult other than existing?" She replied, "You clearly told ***** about what I told you regarding your wheelchair and oxygen. And she's telling everyone else. We're getting a ton of hate." I said, "She asked me if I was attending and I told her no and explained why. I didn't lie to her. I told her exactly what you said. You didn't tell me not to tell anyone your reasons. If they're valid reasons to you then you shouldn't care who knows." So, I'm now blocked. By the bride, the mom, the dad, and the groom. A friendship I've had my entire life is over. A goddaughter that I helped nurture and care for is just gone now. We paid for the bride's car insurance, gas, and cell phone all through high school and college because we wanted her focused on just her studies and not a part-time job (her parents got her a car but insisted she work but her grades fell when she did and we helped her) ... and this is how they thank us. This is how they repay our kindness. I guess I'm a great friend when I'm giving money ... but I'm not good enough to be seen. I've felt like a burden my whole life and this has set me back so far. I'm just not okay. Update #3 Added JULY 30, 2024 Brand new update #3: Apparently, my post went sorta viral because it was on Fox News and a site called BoredPanda. A few mutual friends reached out and asked if it was me and I admitted that it was. They were told something completely different about the situation. The bride's mother told them that *I\* refused to come because of my health difficulties and that I was afraid I would ruin the wedding and declined the RSVP. She even claimed that she had been begging me to attend ever since the engagement happened which was a bold faced lie. I am the one who organized and paid for the after engagement party so they could announce the happy news to everyone and I was clear to everyone that I couldn't wait to attend the wedding. So, I sent screenshots, photos of the invitation, and the notecard telling me I'd be babysitting, and then the showdown where I was told I could sit in the pew and just be edited out of the video and would NOT be in any photos. I also posted it on Facebook and shared receipts there, too. Well, WWIII has officially commenced. Granted, I'm getting this all third and fourth hand, but here's the latest. Word has spread fast. Links to the news article have made it all over the place and I've been told that the few ladies who had agreed to babysit have backed out and asked if there was something wrong with THEM that would make them not fit to sit in the pews or be in photos. (And I think that's probably the case since two of them have unnatural hair coloring and the other has facial piercings.) The church that was booked as the venue has been notified and I'm hearing it's probably not going to happen there because the pastor's daughter is wheelchair bound after a car accident. He was going to officiate but now he says he's conflicted about it and the message it would send. My ex friend and the bride have blown up my husband's phone because I blocked them after this went public (they blocked me first on all of the social media spots) and he let it go on for a few days to see what they had to say. He has blocked them but the bulk of it is that I'm jealous that I was never blessed with any children of my own so that's why I'm ruining this for them. I'm hateful and vile and vindictive because I hate them for their clear health. I mentioned that the groom is related to me by marriage, right? That whole branch of the family tree has now divided itself with some on my side and some on the bride's side. The groom hasn't contacted us at all but his mother did and told me that I was wrong for sharing personal business and that I need to let the bride have her wedding how she wants it. I don't agree that I did anything wrong here. I can't help that I'm sick. They've made me feel like utter trash that should just be tossed into the landfill. I hurt. I literally ache because of this. So, hi Donna, my ex best friend and practical sister. If you're reading this, you devastated me. I'm not okay. I don't know that I'll ever be okay again. I invested time and money into both YOU and your daughter. I gave you both a home when your marriage was messed up and never charged you rent or asked for help with groceries or utilities. For over a year, you lived in our home and we paid your way so you are wrong to treat me this way. My oxygen mask and possible need for a wheelchair should be the last thing on either of your minds ... because what matters most is that I, feeling as bad as I normally do, was still going to put on my best dress, make myself look presentable, plant a smile on my face through my pain, and show up for you like I always have. But I never, ever will again. If people noticed me in your photos at all ... it would have been because I had the biggest and most proud of anyone there and they'd see the love I had for you radiating off the image. You will regret this one day when I'm gone and you realize that there are more important things in life than a perfect photo. RELEVANT COMMENTS OOP This has been updated. You guys, thank you for the private messages and all the comments. It's safe to say that war has commenced in my town and I'm just ... I'm reeling and I've honestly never felt lower in my life than I do right now. I've had pretty unhealthy thoughts so I'm seeing my therapist two times a week now instead of every couple of weeks. I'm seriously not okay but you guys and your support and all the funny comments have really helped me. Thank you all. NEW UPDATE Nearly 3 months later UPDATE (and possibly the final update) The wedding was today 11/16/24. Friends rented a big cabin venue about 20 minutes from the wedding venue and everyone who was offended over being asked to pay at the reception and babysit or serve the food (yes, several people got invitations telling them they were invited, but would be serving food at the reception they paid to eat at) got together at the cabin. Me included. I was on the fence about going because I really didn't want to sit there and talk about everything and rehash it but that wasn't my experience at all. I had a truly lovely time. My husband and I even danced to our wedding song! And I had mixed drinks! Quite a few so forgive me if this has typos. LOL! Two of the bridesmaids opted out of the wedding over mistreatment and, without anyone knowing, they sent letters to all the guests who had been invited to tell them what went down with me and others being asked to babysit/be servers. Those guests were given the address of the cabin. They were the two bridesmaids who addressed all the envelopes and still had the guest list, from what they told me. Anyway, we had a great time. There were about 80 of us before all was said and done, though I didn't take a head count. It was PACKED. Several people went to the wedding but didn't attend the reception (they refused to pay for their meal) and came to our get-together instead. Including the two bridesmaids who told me all about what I was being called and the story of how I was trying to ruin their wedding because I was jealous of their good health. The bridesmaids who backed out of the wedding due to bridezilla behavior were posting a ton of pics of all of us dancing and eating (we all chipped in $$ weeks ago for catering and booze) and was seen by my ex-bestie because she unblocked me (I unblocked her weeks ago in the hope that she'd come around, much as I'm loathe to admit it) and called me to tell me off again. I told her I didn't plan the alternate reception but I was invited and came because they didn't care about my health or me ruining any photos, just me having a good time. Apparently, the wedding was 'ruined' because of me. They had invited hundreds of people and the church wasn't even halfway full. And the reception had less than 30 people (so that's $3000 the guests paid) when the food and liquor cost around $15,000 and it's my fault they're eating that cost now. They likened me to the antichrist and the devil and claimed I had to be possessed to do this to a young girl and the groom, when he's a member of my family. I said, "I didn't do anything. I told the truth and if the truth hurts you then maybe you were wrong to do it. Did you consider that?" She hung up on me and started calling others and demanding the address so they could come to the actual reception. No one gave it to her. I just got home at 11:00 pm. It was a great day. I laughed. I even felt up to dancing a little (I had good news! I don't need my oxygen all the time now and just at night via CPAP or after exercise and I have been going to the pool and doing senior aquatics - as much as I can - and it's helped so much with my breathing and my mobility! I can walk around the whole grocery store now without needing to sit down on my walker! I still use the walker for long periods due to dizziness from Meniere's Disease but I think I'm doing better! At least, I'm trying! I feel very proud of myself, friends!) Anyway, the wedding still happened but they didn't have the numbers they expected and I've heard that someone suggested they donate the excess food instead of throwing it away but they didn't. Which sucks because I just know that firemen, or police, or the hospital, or the homeless shelter would have been so happy to get it. I think I'm doing better mentally after today because everyone who talked to me told me it was wrong to exclude me because of my wheelchair or oxygen. I did have my walker with me today but not my wheelchair OR an oxygen tube. I had it in my car just in case I needed it and there were a couple of times I could have used it but I was determined not to be in any pics with it out of pure spite. I also wore the pretty dress I bought for the wedding and had many compliments. I'm still hurt and angry and miss having that closeness with their family but I'm going to be okay. And that's a wrap. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Update Update 2 Throwaway account for privacy reasons. My (F24) boyfriend (M28) is a Muslim. He usually is not very traditional. We don't live in a Muslim country. The other day he told me, that as soon as we get engaged, I will need to wear a headscarf to cover my hair. I am very proud of my long wavy hair and a headscarf is absolutely out of the question and he knows that. When we first met, he even told me, that he doesn't like that tradition and that his girlfriend will never have to wear one. Now yesterday we had a real fight about it. His parents want us to get engaged and engagement means the future bride has to cover her hair. It got a heated argument and I ended it with: "I will wear the damn thing, as soon as you grow your foreskin back!" He left without saying a word and went to his parents place. Silence since then. AITAH? ............................................... Edit: I will not wear a head scarf. If that means, that the engagement isn't going to happen, then it will not happen. I got down voted for stating that I love him. Please keep in mind, that the fight is less than 24 hours ago and I miss him. We had a very good relationship for 1,5 years and never fought before. We were planning on moving in together after getting engaged. I will not convert to his religion, he knows that and his mother seemed fine with it. His father never said anything about it. I sm Christian and will stay Christian. People assume that his family is behind the head scarf idea. I am not sure about it, but it might be possible. If they are, they were good at hiding it, since they never said anything. His family immigrated 3 generations ago into the mostly Christian country we live at. He himself never visited the country (Lybia) his great grandparents on his fathers side came from. The family on his mother's side I don't know. submitted by /u/someone2shy to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/EdenCapwell AIW? Invited to a wedding but there's a catch. Originally posted to r/amiwrong Thanks to u/theprismaprincess for suggesting this BoRU TRIGGER WARNING: Ableism, entitlement, misogyny Original Post July 11, 2024 I was so happy to see a wedding invitation in my mailbox. I pulled it out and a little note fell out on an index card but I looked at the invitation first. It was truly beautiful and I immediately stuck it to my fridge like the work of art it was. It was addressed to my husband and me and I was beyond stoked. I love weddings. I tend to get teary-eyed and smile until my face hurts at the joy of new beginnings and all the love. I was even a wedding singer ... that's how much I love them. I picked up the notecard and read that and while my husband was invited ... I'd be in another room helping to babysit all the children there with several other female invitees. There's a special room for children at the church and that's where I'd be. For everything. I'd still need to dress for a wedding in case I wind up in any photos, but I'd be taking my reception meal with the children and I'd be with all the kids for the ceremony. Then there was a link for their gift registry. Oh, and the meals for my husband and myself would be $100.00 each and we have a link to pay it when we digitally RSVP. The first problem here is that I am disabled at 50 years old. Legally. I use oxygen. I use a walker when I need to walk long distances. I sometimes have to give up the walker entirely and use a wheelchair. I'm not proud of it, but there it is. I could happily sit in a room and LOOK at kids but I'd be pretty useless to prevent a fall or stop a child from choking or anything else that would require me to move quickly. Second, my husband isn't the one who has been friends with these people since childhood. I am. Why would he be invited to watch the ceremony and be part of the reception but not me? My husband said he'd happily watch the kids and let me attend the wedding and reception but the invitation specified that only other FEMALE invitees would be watching the kids so I doubt they'd let him. Is this a normal thing at weddings now? Do you pick guests to babysit other guest's children? Should I call them up and explain my health situation even though they already know it and visit me during my multiple hospitalizations a year? I hate having to pull the health card but honestly ... what were they thinking? I confess that I feel offended and hurt that I'm nothing more than a babysitter to them who is expected to pay for my supper and babysit for free. Would I be wrong to simply tell them we won't be able to attend and to find another sitter? And if we don't go ... do we still send a gift? Updating to address some questions: I know these folks because my mom (RIP, Mom) and the bride's grandma were besties. So, I grew up with the bride's mom as an almost sister to me. We went to school together, graduated together, worked at the same place twice, and have been super close since. The bride is like a goddaughter... at least I thought she was. I'm gobsmacked here. The church where they are getting married is a Southern Baptist church. They aren't members. None of us are overly religious. They just liked the venue and booked it. I've never been inside but it's lovely on the outside and apparently, it has a childcare room that is big enough for a bunch of women and kids to hole up comfortably for a wedding and reception. We're all American. The groom's family is related to my family via marriage and the bride and groom met at my house at a cookout a few years ago. I've always been way closer to the bride's family, though. I knew that there had been a proposal. I got Facetimed about ten minutes after it happened and my husband and I cried and laughed and wished them well and ooohed and ahhhed over their story and the ring. I was expecting an invitation, sure. But not like this. The last time I had lunch with the bride's mom, she told me they're inviting around 200 people so it'll be a large wedding with, I'm assuming, a ton of children. No, I don't hate kids. I love kids. I would have loved to have kids of my own but my body just wouldn't do it. It took two miscarriages and a stillbirth to finally make me accept that it wouldn't happen for us. We are in the process of adult adopting two young adults that we brought into our home when we found out they were kicked out and homeless at 18. They've lived with us for years and we're making it legal. They call us Mom and Pop and we're a family. I'm still considering my options. I've started and deleted multiple emails to the bride's mom. I'm a raw nerve right now and my tone isn't the kindest. I want to keep it all in writing so there can be no he said/she said. I plan to ask if they incorrectly sent me the note about babysitting since they know I physically cannot do that. But every inception of the email led with 'WTAF, Donna!?' So, I need to think about it some more. :) Thanks for all the comments. I'm reading them all. RELEVANT COMMENTS cakolin “I’m not proud of it, but there it is.” Sorry to not reply to your initial question, but this comment caught my attention. I just wanted to let you know that you should actually be very proud of yourself and your body, for pushing through and using the equipment that is needed to support your body well. OOP Thank you. So much. I never expected this to be my reality at fifty years old. Never. I went from being so healthy and doing all kinds of sports (I rocked Roller Derby! And could swim like a fish! And loved to play tennis!) to this. And sometimes I feel like it's not even my own body I'm living in anymore. It's just not okay. Therapy is helping me accept it but it's an uphill battle that I feel like I can't win. So thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you. OOP Updated the same post 6 days later July 17, 2024 UPDATE: I spoke to my friend (the mother of the bride) and I'm pretty upset. I've been bawling for most of the day. She called and said that they were getting a lot of backlash from the wedding guests. No one wants to pay $100 for dinner and only three of the women asked were okay with babysitting. I told her I understood that the guests were upset because it's just tacky to 1) be asked to pay and 2) be TOLD you are invited but only to babysit. I told her I would not be a babysitter. At all. No. Just no. She got mad and brought up how we were lifelong friends. She said I'd be helping them more by babysitting than I'd be helping by simply sitting in a pew watching. I reminded her that I couldn't physically help at ALL due to, you know, being legally disabled. She said they completely understood that and expected me to simply 'supervise' the other sitters since they trusted me most. Again, I told her that I felt it was insulting to be volun-told (thanks, Reddit, for that word) that I'd be babysitting and that I had no desire to do that, especially not dressed in formal wear. THEN we got to the truth. She said that she didn't know if I'd be in a wheelchair that day or require a walker. That's fair. I don't always know which one I'll need. She said that they wanted everyone in pews for the wedding video and me sitting in a wheelchair would make me stick out and ruin video/photos. I said, "If I need a wheelchair that day then I can move to a pew and my husband can put the wheelchair in another room or back in our car. I may not even need it that day." Then she says, "Well, space is limited in the pews. You would take up the space of two people with your purse and oxygen tank." I said, "No, I would not. I wouldn't bring a purse in and the oxygen tank either sits on my lap or between my feet." (it's like a little backpack.) Then she said, "Well, having you in oxygen in the photos would be distracting from the other people." And there you have it. Words were exchanged and she hung up on me. I haven't been removed from any social media YET but I fully expect to be. I already feel awful for being this way at only 50 years old. I didn't choose this. I didn't want this. If she thinks its awful to having it photographed ... just imagine living with it. Which is what I told her before she hung up on me. I'm devastated. Just devastated. OOP Updated a 2nd time on July 25, 2024 UPDATE 2: I'm not in the greatest headspace. I don't think I've ever been less okay, honestly. I did not register to RSVP or communicate with them further. Until ... another invitee got in touch with me and said that the mother of the bride, a person I thought of as basically my sister, was badmouthing me into the ground. I explained my side and our mutual friend was livid. They told the mother of the bride and the bride that they were wrong to want to exclude me because I might or might not need a wheelchair and would have oxygen on my face. I could remove the oxygen for photos, they told her. So, the mother of the bride sent me a message saying .... and I quote, "Well, if you're going to be butthurt about the aesthetic we want to achieve and try to turn other guests against us then you can f*cking come and sit in a pew. But not in photos. And we'll try to get the videographer to do edits to the wedding vid, too. But I won't forget how you made this difficult for us." I replied, "How did I make it difficult other than existing?" She replied, "You clearly told ***** about what I told you regarding your wheelchair and oxygen. And she's telling everyone else. We're getting a ton of hate." I said, "She asked me if I was attending and I told her no and explained why. I didn't lie to her. I told her exactly what you said. You didn't tell me not to tell anyone your reasons. If they're valid reasons to you then you shouldn't care who knows." So, I'm now blocked. By the bride, the mom, the dad, and the groom. A friendship I've had my entire life is over. A goddaughter that I helped nurture and care for is just gone now. We paid for the bride's car insurance, gas, and cell phone all through high school and college because we wanted her focused on just her studies and not a part-time job (her parents got her a car but insisted she work but her grades fell when she did and we helped her) ... and this is how they thank us. This is how they repay our kindness. I guess I'm a great friend when I'm giving money ... but I'm not good enough to be seen. I've felt like a burden my whole life and this has set me back so far. I'm just not okay. NEW UPDATE Update #3 Added JULY 30, 2024 Brand new update #3: Apparently, my post went sorta viral because it was on Fox News and a site called BoredPanda. A few mutual friends reached out and asked if it was me and I admitted that it was. They were told something completely different about the situation. The bride's mother told them that *I\* refused to come because of my health difficulties and that I was afraid I would ruin the wedding and declined the RSVP. She even claimed that she had been begging me to attend ever since the engagement happened which was a bold faced lie. I am the one who organized and paid for the after engagement party so they could announce the happy news to everyone and I was clear to everyone that I couldn't wait to attend the wedding. So, I sent screenshots, photos of the invitation, and the notecard telling me I'd be babysitting, and then the showdown where I was told I could sit in the pew and just be edited out of the video and would NOT be in any photos. I also posted it on Facebook and shared receipts there, too. Well, WWIII has officially commenced. Granted, I'm getting this all third and fourth hand, but here's the latest. Word has spread fast. Links to the news article have made it all over the place and I've been told that the few ladies who had agreed to babysit have backed out and asked if there was something wrong with THEM that would make them not fit to sit in the pews or be in photos. (And I think that's probably the case since two of them have unnatural hair coloring and the other has facial piercings.) The church that was booked as the venue has been notified and I'm hearing it's probably not going to happen there because the pastor's daughter is wheelchair bound after a car accident. He was going to officiate but now he says he's conflicted about it and the message it would send. My ex friend and the bride have blown up my husband's phone because I blocked them after this went public (they blocked me first on all of the social media spots) and he let it go on for a few days to see what they had to say. He has blocked them but the bulk of it is that I'm jealous that I was never blessed with any children of my own so that's why I'm ruining this for them. I'm hateful and vile and vindictive because I hate them for their clear health. I mentioned that the groom is related to me by marriage, right? That whole branch of the family tree has now divided itself with some on my side and some on the bride's side. The groom hasn't contacted us at all but his mother did and told me that I was wrong for sharing personal business and that I need to let the bride have her wedding how she wants it. I don't agree that I did anything wrong here. I can't help that I'm sick. They've made me feel like utter trash that should just be tossed into the landfill. I hurt. I literally ache because of this. So, hi Donna, my ex best friend and practical sister. If you're reading this, you devastated me. I'm not okay. I don't know that I'll ever be okay again. I invested time and money into both YOU and your daughter. I gave you both a home when your marriage was messed up and never charged you rent or asked for help with groceries or utilities. For over a year, you lived in our home and we paid your way so you are wrong to treat me this way. My oxygen mask and possible need for a wheelchair should be the last thing on either of your minds ... because what matters most is that I, feeling as bad as I normally do, was still going to put on my best dress, make myself look presentable, plant a smile on my face through my pain, and show up for you like I always have. But I never, ever will again. If people noticed me in your photos at all ... it would have been because I had the biggest and most proud of anyone there and they'd see the love I had for you radiating off the image. You will regret this one day when I'm gone and you realize that there are more important things in life than a perfect photo. RELEVANT COMMENTS OOP This has been updated. You guys, thank you for the private messages and all the comments. It's safe to say that war has commenced in my town and I'm just ... I'm reeling and I've honestly never felt lower in my life than I do right now. I've had pretty unhealthy thoughts so I'm seeing my therapist two times a week now instead of every couple of weeks. I'm seriously not okay but you guys and your support and all the funny comments have really helped me. Thank you all. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

To preface, we’re having a really low budget wedding so I’m doing my own hair and makeup. My mother has been very up and down so far throughout the whole process, but so far the lows include: Telling me that I would be too pale to wear a white wedding dress (I found one in my first shop and am absolutely in love with it, she did end up also liking it). Dragging me around a local city for a day to find a mother of the bride outfit. For context, I am disabled and struggle to walk or stand for longer than 10 minutes at a time. This took 7 hours, she cried about how horrid every outfit was in each shop, had a breakdown in the final shop and had to be comforted by 2 members of staff. When they suggested that she try something in a similar colour to my current outfit, she told them what I was wearing was horrid. We went home empty handed and I was bed bound for the next 2 days. Passing along every mean comment anyone has said about our upcoming wedding. I didn’t need to know that my aunt thinks our food choices are tacky, thanks. Finally ordering a mother of the bride outfit, but she didn’t like my mother in law’s (perfectly normal) tone when she told her that the outfit looked lovely and then she cried to me afterwards that everyone was making fun of her (they weren’t). Deciding that everyone would laugh at her outfit at the wedding and telling me that she will be taking me on another shopping day ASAP (Lord help me). There have been a lot of positives, so I am able to laugh at these “misfortunes” as we all have to I’m sure! This didn’t become an ordeal (thankfully) but she’s also ordered 3 pairs of shoes and told me my save the dates were shit. But yesterday she informed me that she “just can’t” do her own makeup for the wedding because she’s “too ugly” and that I’m going to have to do it for her. And her hair too. I told her that wasn’t going to happen (obviously lol), so we’re now back to crying because she thinks everyone will laugh at her again. I did tell her that people wouldn’t be paying attention to her outfit whilst I’m next to her in a big white dress, which earned me the classic “it’s not all about you”. submitted by /u/rosaemmy to r/raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Nocontact4you None of my family knows this trip will be the last time they see me. Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest & r/Poems Thanks to u/lolfuckno for suggesting this BoRU TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity, cancer, ableism, bullying, abandonment, emotional abuse of a child, verbal abuse, neglect, lies, mentions of miscarriage MOOD SPOILER: Depressing Original Post Feb 4, 2024 Firstly, I’m okay, physically anyway. Honestly, I have no idea who this is for, but I think I just need it out of my head. The circumstances of my birth were complicated. I broke up two marriages, and my family has never been shy about how they feel about me for that. Only one of my brothers has gotten drunk enough to tell me to my face that he resents me for existing, but I know it exists within all of them, at least in some way. Im much younger than all my siblings, and there was so much that happened out of our hands that I made excuses, but my whole life, I’ve never quite felt “part of the family”. As a child, I told myself we’d make up for lost time once I got older and we could talk as equals. Now, at 23, I see glimpses of the life I wished I’d have, but in the end, I’m always too much trouble to involve. I hear EVERYTHING from my father. I had to find out my niece was in a car accident from him; I had to find out my other niece had a miscarriage from him; I had to find out my oldest brother had a BRAIN TUMOR haphazardly on a phone call with my father, which he didn’t even know I was unaware of. I’ve known for a while I’m the only one trying, but for the sake of my dreams, I’ve given every opportunity for them to let me in, but I just can’t do it anymore. I have a psychiatric service dog who aids me with CPTSD. He is the single greatest thing to happen to me. Not only did he save my life from myself, but he has made life livable. He can tell when I’m panicking and he knows pressure therapy to help me through an attack. He stops me from hurting myself in meltdowns, sits with me until the only noise I can hear anymore is his snoring on my lap. He allows me to go grocery shopping by myself. He is my soulmate, and anyone who knows me knows how important he is to me. My dating life isn’t thriving, so I took a shot in the dark and asked my niece if she minded if I brought my service dog as my plus one for her wedding at the end of this month. I have to fly across the country to go, so I will be bringing him anyway since I cannot fly alone. I figured it couldn’t hurt to see if he could not have to stay in the hotel all night. I do not technically need him for the event, since I’ll know every guest and I will be drinking pretty heavily to cope, but getting to spoil him with a bow-tie, dancing, and STEAK, sounded like the perfect reward for helping me on my flight. Several times, I emphasized that I understood it was an odd request and she could say no if she wanted. She was EMPHATIC that he could come! She said even if I found a date, he could come! I was elated! For once, I felt seen, I felt cared about, I felt valued. And then I got a call from my dad. No one wanted to make things awkward, but the mother of the bride was NOT okay with a dog being at the venue. I explained that he is a trained service animal and will not impede the ceremony in anyway, and I’d of course remove him if he did. Still, he said they didn’t like it. I was so tired of hearing everyone else’s words through my father. He won’t be around forever and sooner or later, they will have to start talking to me I had one request: let the bride tell me. When I asked her, she said yes, and until she told me she changed her mind, I was under the assumption he could go. Well, I never heard back. My dad kept dropping hints when i’d call him, but I told him what my expectations were. When I RSVP’d, I put my dog as my plus one on the response to let them know I wasn’t backing down this time. At this point, I didn’t even care if she said he couldn’t go. I just wanted to hear it from her. The next morning, I woke up to an EMAIL from my father. Not even a text, a fucking email explaining that my niece didn’t want to be the bad guy, but my dog was NOT welcome at the wedding. He said he was sorry, but he could still come with me to the hotel if I wanted. Something inside me broke, I think. I think I realized this is truly a helpless case. They are never going to respect me the way I crave them to. To this day, not one of our conversations has been started by them. I always initiate, and now, the one time I request a direct contact, I get an email. Family means everything to me. Over the last few years, i’ve redefined what a family can be, and if right now, my family needs to be a very damaged orphan and their service animal, I’m grateful I have that much. So, I’m going to the wedding, and then I’m never going to talk to any of them again. And the sad part is, I didn’t even think they’re going to notice. Update: First, thank you to everyone for the kind words, and all the advice. It sincerely means so much that so many people care. I want to address all the questions about why I want to go to this wedding at all. There are plenty of practical reasons that I can name, but the truth is, I need to go for my own closure. I have a strange relationship with death, and loss. My mother died when I was 5; my family split up right after. I’ve lost several caregivers to serious diseases, grieving their death as they lived. I’ve learned how to navigate MY grieving process. If I don’t go to this wedding, I will regret it. Not only is it my last chance to see my childhood family all together in one place, but if I don’t go, I show them they can bully me. I do not want to make a spectical of my trauma with them, but that does not mean I have to walk away with my tail between my knees. I’m not scared of them. My relationship is non-existent, but I did see my siblings/cousins/neiecesandnephews fairly regularly. When I was a kid, they intimidated and bullied me into silence, but I’m not a child anymore. I lived with these people; I can manage one night, if for no other reason than to prove they cannot control me. Thanks again for all the kind words. Happy to provide a pupdate if someone can tell me how to post pictures from the app? RELEVANT COMMENTS When told not to go to the wedding I spent $700 on a plane ticket and $200 on a suit. Least I can do is go drink someone else’s liquor and dance my worries away. Besides. It feels like goodbye & The cherry on top is they are all very conservative Christians, and I will be going in a suit with my hair dyed green and makeup done to the nines, so this will be my biggest “fuck you, I’m here anyway” I can pull off. Truthfully, my father’s memory is starting to go as he gets older, so even if I did explain my feelings, he will end up sharing anyway, so I’ve made my peace with the fact that it will be a one-way-street because lord knows they’re not gonna ask what I’m up to. When told to call the bride directly The last 20 years of trauma will not be solved with one phone call. This was their last chance to prove to me they want me in their lives. It’s not about the dog. It’s the fact that all I asked is to be treated like a person and talked to directly, and they have proven to me they don’t care, so I’m leaving. I already did my job of reaching out to her and she said yes. Why is it my job to reach out and make sure she hasn’t changed her mind? When told her father is an asshole and he is the one responsible for everything THANK YOU! I have felt like the only one who cannot fathom how that conversation could be had over EMAIL?? It’s sadly not uncommon for them to communicate through him, and I always have the receipts after the fact when they’re no longer worried about the awkwardness. My brothers don’t even know where I work. I am building a career around my job. They couldn’t tell you what my relationship status is, and I’d be hard pressed to tell you if they knew my middle name to be honest. My father is not innocent, but they are responsible for their part in our relationship. I have stopped reaching out to them directly because I barely hear back, and it’s clear they don’t really care what I’m saying. I could honestly write a book on the road that’s led me to this choice, but who’s got the time in this economy? Pupdate for Everyone Asking! Feb 6, 2024 He’s a 2.5 year old, Black and Tan Coonhound☺️ Dog tax Update Feb 26, 2024 Original Story Here: https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/2MfJ98m6kP POST-WEDDING UPDATE! So, I went to the wedding. It went about how I expected it to go, though one can never be ready for a spontanious conga line. Sadly, there was no secret last minute invite, nor any secret plot of which the bride was unaware. She felt bad saying no, so she lied, and she didn’t want to tell me that, and she still didn’t, even at the wedding. No one really said much at all, in fact. The mother of the bride did not speak to me at all, my brother tiptoed around the subject until the end of the night. To his credit, he did apologize, “for all the dog stuff” as he said goodbye. Strangely, the apology didn’t make me feel much better. There was no big confrontation either, mainly because no one cared to listen to me if I tried. As the reception began, part of me wondered how much I was going to miss the people, the environment, the vibe, really. Truthfully, I surprised myself with how ready I was to leave. Goodbye was short, and bittwersweet. The venue was pretty and the alcohol was free, so I made the best of my night, but I got what I needed out of it, I think. Getting home tonight felt like a weight lifting off my shoulders. I know more than ever that I need to do this, and what I once saw as cutting my family in half, I can now see is clearing space for new family, one that cares. Thank you for all your kind words, and all the support for my dog! Arrogance is Bliss March 25, 2024 You don’t love me. You love an idea of me you fabricated in your mind when I was a child. I’m no longer a child. I’m far from perfect, but I’m growing, I’m glowing, and I’m grieving the reality that none of you will ever know the person I become. You call it love, but my scars disagree. You hate my hair, my style, my beliefs—you hate me. And the saddest part is, I don’t even think you know you do. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/lolfuckno. This post was originally posted to r/weddingshaming. There was already a BoRU post by u/autochthonouschimera, which didn't include the last update yet. TRIGGER WARNING: cheating, child neglect, extreme entitledness, talk of abortion MOOD SPOILERS: infuriating, confusing, frustrating The new update at the bottom of this post has been marked with --- --- EDIT/DISCLAIMER: FFS FOLLOW THE NO BRIGADING RULE = DO NOT COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POSTS LINKED IN BoRUs!! THIS OFC ALSO INCLUDES NOT TEXTING THE OOP DIRECTLY, NOT REPORTING THEM TO SUBS LIKE r/care AND NOT INCLUDING THEM IN THREADS AND DISCUSSIONS!! LEAVE THEM ALONE, THIS SUB IS MADE TO LURK AND GET SOME SPICY STORIES WITH CLOSURE, NOT TO HARRASS PEOPLE WHO ALREADY GOT ALOT OF INPUT THROUGH DIFFERENT SUBs!! Original story was posted on December 7, 2021 Okay, so this girl I know from high school is getting married. We're both 22, for reference. In our senior year of high school she got pregnant, with baby daddy A who will be referred to as Adam. Her super conservative parents kicked her out and she ended up moving in with a friend's family. She barely graduated high school. The only reason she did were because of the generosity and support of our teachers and students who volunteered to help her, which is how we met. We were in the same law class in the morning and she had the worst morning sickness that really affected her ability to be in class. So, I took extra notes for her, tutored her, and brought her her stuff if she hadn't come back by the bell. I wasn't the only one who did stuff like this for her and I know she really appreciates all the assistance we gave her. She had the baby a month after we graduated. She'd signed up for a 911 dispatcher course for after high school because where we live it's a good steady job, with opportunity for certificates and promotions. But she didn't realize how intensive the course would be and had to drop out. She started working at a grocery store bakery, just until she had a better plan. Adam started an apprenticeship while working part time at a hockey rink, and proposed to her literally the day of her eighteenth birthday, and brought up marriage because "it's the right thing to do" (I don't really agree with that but this isn't about me) and she was always refusing. She started cheating on him after a while (we're all 19 now), and eventually leaves him for another guy because... She's pregnant again and it is far more likely that this guy, baby daddy B who will be referred to as Brad, is the father of the child. Neither of them can afford lawyers so getting any kind of custody agreement is a mess, and then their parents got involved and they did 50/50 split (still not made official). She has the baby, that does turn out to be Brad's, and everything is okay for about nine months, when she finds out Brad has been cheating on her with his TA. Brad decides to pay child support but doesn't really want contact with the kid, only around holidays and one weekend a month for his parents' sake. She moves back in with her parents (we're all 20 now) who only accept her back because there's grandchildren around. On the plus side, (when she's 21) she gets to take that year long dispatcher course, and passes with flying colours! After working as a dispatcher for a year (we're all 22 now) she meets a police officer we'll call Chad, who's 26 and married... And Adam's second (?) cousin (I can't remember how they're related, just that Adam and Chad are related somewhat distantly). She has an affair with him (infidelity is super common among cops apparently). She gets knocked up, his wife divorces him, Chad proposes because "it's the right thing to do", she accepts, and her parents kick her out again for being a [insert expletive here], she moves in with Chad with her two kids. They've started planning the wedding, which... Given the background is something akin to a dumpster fire. Adam is LIVID. He was desperately in love with this girl and hasn't really recovered from what she did to him, and while she rejected his proposals years ago, she's accepted one FROM HIS COUSIN WHO PROPSED FOR THE SAME REASON HE DID. Adam has basically made a call for loyalty in the family, dividing everyone one who should go, who should give money, etc plus they're having trouble planning anything because of COVID. Her parents have outright said that they're not going, along with half of her family, and her younger sister has been going around and sabotaging what plans they can make. She has asked me to be a bridesmaid, I said that I couldn't because I live in a different province now, but the truth is, I do not want to be wrapped up in that clusterfuck in any way . I'm just watching the arguments and events unfold on social media because this is quite honestly the most entertaining thing I've seen all year. It's weird to me that she even asked because we're not friends, we never have been. We were friendly strangers in high school, I just helped her out for one class because she needed help and I could give it to her. I was just being nice. But based on how she turned out I'm just sad for her. Three kids in four years, and she's alienated so much of her friends and family because if her actions, and I'm torn between feeling sorry for her and putting my head in my hands. EDIT 1: First off, all of your comments are hilarious. Second, I'm going to answer some of the common questions. We're from a city with over 400,000 thousand people, she just comes from the neighbourhood that is made of either bible thumpers or white trash, with no in between. But the high school we went to was in a completely different neighbourhood than that. Our school had a pretty good sex Ed course, and they gave out free condoms and had resources to help girls get birth control, and they had programs in place for if students ever got pregnant/were going to be teen parents (they also had one of those classes with the dolls for girls who were high risk at teen pregnancy but she wasn't high risk so she wasn't in that class) I don't if BC just didn't work for her, or if she never tried it. She started alienating her friends after the affair with Chad came out, because people weren't exactly jumping for joy that she'd broken up a marriage (Chad and his ex didn't have any kids, thankfully, so there were less obstacles). When people weren't immediately ecstatic for her she started getting very snippy, rude, and was "calling the bitches out" on social media for not supporting her new relationship or pregnancy. (Tbh I'm really worried about her health because having this many babies so close together is just not good for her health, mental or physical.) People are also worried that Chad will cheat on her "if he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you" and think she should avoid marrying him so that she can just leave him if it happens. I'll give you updates as they come out, but so far it's just a lot of yelling on social media (mostly from her), some relatives slut shaming her, and people who are just really worried about her because, as funny as this is, this doesn't seem like healthy behaviour. EDIT 2: First off, I realized I never gave this girl a name. For the sake of clarity we'll call her Beth. I realize that I didn't mention this before, but all of these are fake names. Second, to everyone commenting that Chad is at fault for his marriage breaking up, believe me I'm well aware of that. It is his ex wife and her family/friends who solely blame Beth. Chad is also older than her and has more life experience, so I do believe that he could potentially be taking advantage of her naivete. However, she is also an adult who is capable of making her own decisions and has chosen to make poor ones in the past. Third, people who are upset that I'm posting this story here, claiming I'm humiliating her. She has been posting about this mess on every social media platform she has since they got engaged in July. She put this out there long before I did except she did so in front of friends, family, employers, and coworkers, as well as internet randos. Fourth, despite getting engaged in July and attempting to start planning then, I was only asked to be a bridesmaid three days ago. I knew that there was a mess going on but I didn't really pay attention to it until she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I tried to ask what was going on, I said that she should talk to someone, but when she completely brushed me off I checked her FB and Instagram and found out about all of... This. Fifth, I realized that I didn't really talk about how disastrous the wedding planning has been going, see here you go: they've had to rebook three times because venues and vendors kept cancelling when infection numbers got worse even thought their wedding was months away Beth has been flipping between having the wedding while she's pregnant saying she's proud of her bump, and wanting to wait until they're born because she feels fat, which is unfortunate because she's been breaking down due her insecurity on a public platform Beth is currently seven months pregnant Beth's great aunt was going to give her her wedding dress to wear (after she gives birth) but Beth's mom freaked and stole the dress from said aunt before Beth could get it and is now keeping it, the great aunt says she's too old to get in a fight and has shrugged it off Chad's immediate family is paying for the wedding and has been cut off by the rest of their extended family for 'choosing Chad' Beth's wedding colours are pink and green, which is usually a nice combo but the specific shades don't go great together, they're her and Chad's favourite colours, which is fine but she literally made a video talking about these colours for 14 minutes on her insta and both of her kids are just full on bawling in the background and she's ignoring them and she's gotten some flack for that Adam is finally settled into his trade and has now hired a lawyer and is trying to get primary custody and not allow his daughter to go to the wedding she's planning a zoom baby shower/bachelorette party and has sent out a registry and she's asking for crazy expensive things she's also set up a go fund me to help pay for a honeymoon and is making a lot of posts about how no one loves her cause the fund only has $1267 of the $20k she wanted I'll update when I can but I'm still in school and while I do want to help her, she's refused help offered in the past and there's only so much of this I can take mentally right now. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ UPDATE: Hey everyone, so some stuff has gone down, and it doesn't look like it's over yet. Sorry, I didn't update sooner, but Rona came back with a vengeance and totally messed up plans with uni and family. Anyway, onto the update. From the last update - 16th - Lots of ranting and chaotic wedding planning on social media, she found a dress and has decided she will get married while pregnant, they found a local wedding venue that is very lovely, but I'm shocked she's still trying to book stuff with all of their previous venue cancellations. December 16th - Her little sister unblocked her to call her a s*ut and tell her that all her wedding plans were stupid. This resulted in a petty and entertaining facebook war until the little sis blocked her again on the 17th. December 18th - Beth went nuts on social media because Adam had "kidnapped" their daughter, what really happened is that because courts are moving at a snail's pace due to COVID and Adam had reason to believe that their daughter was not safe living with Beth he decided to just... Not give her back. They don't have a custody agreement, and when Beth tried to call the cops they couldn't do anything because he was kinda right. There were dozens of videos on her various social media accounts of her ignoring their daughter, yelling at her daughter for crying or doing other things that toddlers do, it turns out that everything she needed was bought by Adam, food, diapers, clothes, toys, daycare (while it was open) etc. on top of the unofficial child support he was paying every month (which turned out to be $500 a month, a number I find ridiculous because Adam was already paying for literally everything) because she refused to buy anything for her daughter and insisted it was Adam's responsibility. Additionally, after the immediate post-birth appointments, Beth never took baby A to a doctor's appointment, she always deferred that to Adam. Baby A's pediatrician has NEVER met Beth. Beth even tried to get Chad to push back or intimidate him or something, but the local police where we live are under one hell of a microscope after a bunch of dirty cops got busted a couple of years ago. Basically, the cops, and the social worker they ended up calling, ended up saying there was nothing she could do until they get to court. The social worker tried to get her to go to therapy and parenting classes, but Beth refused and went on a fifteen paragraph long rant on Facebook about how she doesn't need parenting classes or therapy (she really, really does though) and called the social worker some choice words. December 19-24 - Just a bunch of ranting on social media, calling everyone who doesn't enable or justify her behaviour cuss words, slurs, and a whole bunch of other horribly creative things. Also, both she and Chad are under investigation at work now, but she has no idea why. I'm gonna take this time to remind everyone that 99% of this info is coming from her public social media pages where her coworkers are friends and place of employment is listed. December 25 - I am officially embarrassed to know this woman. I didn't go on her FB page until the evening cause I didn't want to deal with drama, first thing in the morning, on Xmas. In the morning she put on a very beautiful blue maternity dress, got Chad in his police blues, and baby B in a purple romper, and then live-streamed her and her family going to the courthouse to get married on Christmas day. (According to her Twitter, part of this was because their newest venue cancelled on them after COVID numbers spiked) Overall, a pretty tacky thing in my opinion because she stated plain as day, several times, that she intended her wedding anniversary to eclipse Christmas for her children because it's just "so much more special, you know?" (I am so glad that Baby B's grandparents are filing for guardianship) But here's the thing... The courthouse isn't open. Because of COVID for one thing, but also because it's Xmas and Canada has a predominantly Christian history. She proceeded to have a full meltdown, and when Baby B cried because, y'know, the kid's mom was screaming up a storm and scaring her, Beth called her a c*nt. Yup. So done with this bitch. December 28 - I ran into her at a vaccine clinic cause we were both getting our booster shots. She didn't recognize me at first but one of my old bosses (cause I used to work at the hospital the vaccine clinic was in) called my name and said hi, so she came up to me after my old boss had left. We talked a bit while we sat down for the mandatory waiting period after getting the shot. She asked how I was but didn't even wait for me to respond before she started ranting and complaining about her life. I was just going to sit there until the time was up and then just politely make my exit, but when she started talking shit about her kids something inside me snapped. I just said "Do you even like your kids? Do you like being a mom?" She got pretty quiet for a second and then said "no". Idk, her voice and demeanour completely changed and we just sat in silence until our time was up. I said goodbye but it was really awkward. December 31st (today) - I just looked at her feed and, this is such a shocking what-the-actual-f*** moment. She's thinking about giving up her kids. She went on about how recently she was asked if she liked her kids or being a mom, and how she realized that she didn't. She hates her children and blames them for ruining her life, and how she doesn't want to be a mom. I mean, nothing is official yet, but what the hell?! I'll update as stuff happens now that I have the time, but this whole thing has been a big giant mess. Also, sorry for any formatting or grammatical errors, I'm not used to using Reddit on my PC. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ UPDATE Okay, so, some stuff has happened and most of it's good? Also, the TL:DR for this update will be at the bottom Jan 4th - Beth (and Chad) stopped posting on all social media. I was actually a little worried she died, I mean this woman posts everything short of her trips to the bathroom on IG. Oddly enough, this got people messaging or interacting with her social media pages because she was usually the one to start contact, and that contact was usually yelling. No one heard from them and some people started to be like "should we call the cops for a wellness check?" Until Chad posted a status saying that they're fine but are "busy, please stop trying to contact us right now". Everyone listened but it was weird. Jan 11 - I got a notification that Beth and Chad are active on social media again, but I didn't feel like drama so I didn't check out any of their posts. Jan 12 (today) - she messaged me on FB asking me to be her MOH. She also kept going on about the resort in Cancun that she and Chad were looking to have their wedding at... This coming February. Omnicrom is really bad where we are, so no one should be travelling anywhere. I've actually had to delay my trip back to the province where I go to university. No one should be travelling anywhere. Beth also found out that Chad was cheating on her with one of her co-workers and called the woman a "homewrecker" on FB tagged her, and posted the texts she found on Chad's phone. But Chad is the "love of her life" so she's forgiven him, but not the other woman. Which I find very hypocritical, considering how she and Chad got together. She also sent pics of possible bridesmaid dresses and they are the most hideous dresses I've ever seen. I know that some brides do that thing where they want to look a million times better by comparison but this was just ridiculous. One of them looked like a partially deflated balloon with feathers strapped to it. She also openly admitted that she expected everyone attending to pay 3k, 2k would go towards that guest's stay at the resort and 1k would go to her and Chad and they will expected wedding gifts, so that they could get their room for free. Apparently, she talked to someone at the resort and if she got enough people to book their rooms she and Chad would get theirs for free. She also wanted the money to be given to her instead of directly to the hotel so that people wouldn't realize that she was taking 1k of their money. Beth sent me a pic of the wedding dress she wanted, and it's definitely a clubbing dress. If that's what she wants that's fine (and for the record I do think she would look great in it, Beth's (current) dream wedding dress ) but she wants all the guests to be dressed black tie. And she's already sent a list of unreasonable requests. Such as; all women must wear heels (for a wedding in the beach???) no one is allowed to have a baby or be pregnant (really?) girls must have longer than shoulder length hair, boys must have very short hair, only and inch or two long no one is allowed to be skinnier than her she will be providing diets for everyone attending based on how she wants us to look she and Chad must get bachelor and bachelorette parties both in Canada and in Mexico that need to be "fit for a king and queen" and both must be paid for but anyone but the bride and groom "cause that's just tacky" no unnatural hair no tattoos (you have five tattoos, Beth, and in the dress you want all will be on full display) no one is allowed to talk to her directly, they must speak through the MOH and BM Honestly there's a lot more but I didn't feel like typing all that out. She's posted the list on FB and IG and people are already calling her a bridezilla. I was also just kinda weirded out because aside from the previous convo at the hospital and when she originally asked me to be a bridesmaid, we haven't spoken since high school. So I respectfully declined, stating that the virus and school were my top concerns right now. Then, I decided to check her socials to see if she'd posted anything. She had and everything was basically how it was before the hiatus... Except her kids are nowhere to be found. No "look at my cute baby" pics are kids crying in the background of her videos. Nothing. Though, based on her new pics of herself, she's given birth to baby C. I mean, she's definitely still recovering, but she also definitely had a baby and that baby is not on any of her socials, so when she responded to my decline with an attempt at guilting me to be her MOH, I asked her where her kids were. This was her response. "Oh, I left them at the side of the road in our way home from the hospital those moochers could walk home lol" I was like, please tell me you're not being serious (especially cause it looks like she had the baby days ago). And she replied "I was just joking you shouldn't be so serious all the time". Honey, you made a joke about child abandonment/abuse, you're not being serious enough. And then I finally got the update on the kids. Baby A is still with Adam, Beth signed away her rights Baby B and Baby C have been given to a mutual cousin of Adam and Chad who is infertile (tbh I didn't need that last tidbit of info or the three paragraph long rant about how God hates infertile women, I didn't even read all of it, I couldn't, and I didn't think that Beth could be so cruel to even think those things). I checked out the FB page of Baby B's grandparents and they're happy with their grandchild's new parents, it looks like the cousin and her husband and welcoming them to the family as another set of grandparents and will let them have access to B. So yay! One thing I do need to stress though is that because of COVID the courts in our areas are either moving at a snail's pace or closed, so none of this is "official" but Beth (and Chad) has signed paperwork and all that needs to happen now is presenting that to a judge. And when I rejoined our convo she said the doc she had for baby C gave her brith control, and she was surprised cause after her first pregnancy she asked her doctor for it but he refused to give her any. She mentioned that her old doctor was also her mom's and sister's doctor, she ended up asking the doc who delivered baby C to be her new doctor, so I hope that works out. After learning all this my convo with Beth started to go down hill... Beth: wait, did you actually think I would just leave my kids at the side of the road! I just didn't want to be a mom, but I wasn't a bad one Me: Beth, I think that you've been through a lot of trauma in the past few years, and that it's gotten to you mentally and that you should speak to a professional. (Of course, Beth has been a bad mom, but she does need mental health help and I wasn't going to convince her to get it, or to not tell at me, if I said that ) Beth: what? You think I'm crazy?! Me: no. I think that getting kicked out as a teen because of a pregnancy and having your family actively reject you and try to sabotage you must have been very painful. Plus, pregnancy puts a lot of mental stress on women and you've had three in such a short time span, I just want you to take care of yourself and get what you want in life, and I think that will start with you taking care of your mental health. Beth: what I want... IS FOR YOU TO GO STRAIGHT TO HELL! Beth then calls me every cuss word, expletive, and derogatory word she can think of one of the words she called me was a derogatory word about people from my ethnicity and my blood is boiling that she thought it was okay to say that to me. So, I'm now on her hit list. She's been blowing up my social media all day, on her last FB post where she called me a slur she said that she still expects a good wedding gift from me. Yeah, no. So I've blocked her on everything, and I've decided to completely cut off contact. This will be my last update. TL:DR - Beth went on a social media blackout for a bit, had baby C. Gave up all her kids, baby A is still with Adam, Baby B and Baby C are with a mutual cousin of Adam and Chad and baby B's grandparents have access. Chad cheated on her and she forgave him, but she probably shouldn't have. She's decided to have her wedding in a little over a month in Cancun and is expecting unreasonable things of everyone already. She asked me to be MOH I respectfully declined. I also suggested that she talk to a mental health professional because she's been through a lot in the last few years and she cussed me out, she also called me a derogatory name directed at people of my ethnicity and that was the final nail in the coffin. I'm now on her hit list. But her kids are safe and I have no interest in going to wedding so I'm cutting contact completely and have already blocked her on all my socials. I'm refusing to be involved with her anymore and will not be updating on the situation. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ --- EDIT - NEW UPDATE --- - JANUARY 25, 2023 - TL:DR AT THE BOTTOM Hi, everyone, I didn't think I would be making another update, but here I am. I don't know if anyone will even care but whatever. I saw a YouTuber, Charlotte Dobre, do an entire video about this post on Facebook (which was funny, she did it well), [editor's note: here's the video in question and also: check out Charlotte Dobre's subreddit !] and got so nervous that Beth was gonna see it. Turned out, she's seen it and does not give a single damn, because as I pointed out, the majority of the info in this post came from her public social media. She also doesn't know who posted it (more on that in the update). I am still no contact with Beth and have no plans to change that anytime soon, but we have mutual friends who have told and shown me what's happened. First things first, she and Chad did get married, but they eloped. According to all sources they are completely and utterly miserable though. Chad has proven to be and overall lazy and unfaithful husband, and Beth has really gotten into feminism (with a focus on reproductive issues) after she started using birth control, and Roe v Wade getting overturned (even though we're in Canada) really caused tension in their marriage. As it turns out, Chad thinks that abortion is murder and God created women for the purpose of making babies. Beth tried to argue that not all women want or should be mothers using herself as an example, and then Chad went ahead and used her as an example of why women should be forced to have kids, because in the end she gave kids to an infertile couple. She didn't take that well and said that her entire life and future was ripped away from her and destroyed the second she got pregnant with baby A. Adam was never slut shamed or demeaned like she was, both at home and at school (which is a fair point, myself and many others were helpful and supportive but there were a lot of people who judged the hell out of her and said really nasty stuff) and that if she hadn't gotten pregnant she would've gone to college or university because she lost the general and financial support of her family with that positive pregnancy test. Chad has made a Tinder account. Beth was informed but it doesn't seem like she gave a damn. So basically you could cut the tension with a knife. And with her family, her sister came out as gay and cut off/has been cut off from their parents. But she's got a partial scholarship so she's doing okay. She and Beth are NOT on good terms but have met up and acknowledged that their parents messed them up by being religious nuts and their parents encouraged them to be competitive with each other and sabotage each other. Apparently their dad's motto is "competition brings out the best in everyone" (ugh). But they've talked and that's good enough for now. Neither Beth nor Chad have custody or visitation of their children, which Chad is starting to regret because he's suddenly getting more and more into the church and religion. Chad talked to Beth about getting baby C back but Beth shut that down hard and warned the cousin who adopted baby C (officially and legally btw). Beth started going to therapy after she and Chad got married, which makes me very happy and excited for her. There was a rumour going around that Chad has a mistress and it took me a while to confirm, but it's true. He's cheating on her with a paramedic and she knows. Beth is fully aware. Idk if she plans to do anything about it or just continue to ignore it, but I hope she leaves his ass. I'm still not gonna talk to her, she crossed so many lines, but she's grown and improved a lot and her life would be a lot better without that sac of scum in her life. Now, I have given a few details in my post that should've revealed my identity to her, namely her asking me to be her MOH. I have found out that she actually asked around 15 girls (including myself) to be her MOH, without telling any of us about the others because she was trying to get money from all of us and because her mental health has just been very bad and she needed help. And of those 15, 8 have been going to school out of province and of those eight we all had basically the same classes in high school. And apparently doesn't remember our discussion at the vaccination clinic and had major blow up with everyone she asked to be MOH. So she knows it's one of 8 people and reportedly has no interest in trying to narrow that number down. (Chad did the same thing with his groomsmen, but idk any of the numbers) TL:DR Beth and Chad got married (eloped), are miserable, have zero custody or visitation with any of their children, Chad's cheating and Beth doesn't appear to care, Chad is super sexist, Beth is a feminist now, Beth's sister is gay and they've talked but not reconciled, Beth asked too many girls to be MOH for money and doesn't know the ID of who made this post. Dear "Beth", if this post gets forwarded to you or somehow graces your phone screen, leave Chad. He's trash and you'll be much better without him in your life. And though I'm not willing to talk to you again because of your words and actions, I do wish for you to have a wonderful and happy life. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Please remember the NO BRIGADING RULE: do not comment on the original posts linked in BoRUs, see Rule 7. Doing so can result into a permanent ban from this sub and the other linked sub(s). I'm not the OOP! submitted by /u/strubisach to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/CicadaPotential6437. She posted in r/AITAH. Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the recommendation This is a long post. Trigger Warning: stalking; threatening behavior Mood Spoiler: a genuine wtf and twist; it's like a horror movie Original Post: November 21, 2023 Omg my head is such a jumble right now. Let me try to make sense of all of this. When I [26,F] was five we moved, and our next door neighbors had a girl my age named Bella [27,F]. We immediately connected and grew up thick as thieves. Our families were also close. I moved a couple of hours away for college while Bella stayed home. She would come visit me frequently, stay with me, and we had great times. I met Barrett [26,M now] in an econ class sophomore year and realized we had a lot of friends in common. He was a smart, attractive guy so we ended up hooking up a few times after study sessions. It was fun, but there wasn't really long-term chemistry so we remained friends. We never even talked about dating. We weren't close after that, but we were on group text threads together and saw each other frequently at parties. I introduced Bella to Barrett at a party senior year and it was love at first sight for her. She interrogated me about him and I informed her of our history. She seemed pretty upset about the fact that we had hooked up, but I assured her that there was absolutely nothing romantic there and that she had my blessing to pursue him. She did, and after a few months, they started officially dating. She was over the moon. I was happy she was happy. I graduated and accepted a job six hours away from home. Shortly afterwards, Bella and Barrett ended up moving in together in my hometown. I visited them frequently at first, but life got busy so we ended up seeing each other annually at holidays. Last Christmas, my family hosted a Christmas Eve party with our two families at which Barrett proposed to Bella. It was a heartfelt proposal and everybody was thrilled for them. Bella wanted to talk about nothing but wedding planning that holiday and we had tons of fun brainstorming ideas together. There were no signs of what was to come. Over the next few months, I expected to be formally asked to be Bella's Maid of Honor (she had mentioned this over the holidays), but the ask never came. She started screening my calls. Finally, I received a 'Save the Date' in the mail and still hadn't heard from her about whether I was in the wedding so I got her on the phone and asked her. She told me that she had thought it through and didn't think that I should be in the wedding at all because I lived so far away. She thought it would make coordinating bridal events too difficult. She was making her cousin (who she doesn't even like) her maid of honor. I was pretty hurt by this. I was her closest and oldest friend. I introduced her to her fiance and was friends with him too. I told her that I could get the time off work, would buy plane tickets, whatever was required of me, to participate. That I didn't think that it was going to be as challenging as she thought. She shrugged this off. Instead she directed the conversation to whether I was going to be bringing someone to the wedding. I was a little confused by this question because I just had a bad break-up and she knew all about what went down. I told her that since I wasn't seeing anybody currently, I'd probably be attending solo. She told me that she would keep my +1 open until the last possible minute and encouraged me to try to find a date so I wouldn't be lonely. I thought this was a nice gesture, but reassured her that with my family present and tons of mutual friends from college and our hometown that I would be fine. The next few months passed without much incident. I didn't hear a ton from Bella. I probably could have reached out more, but I was still stinging a bit from not being asked to be in her wedding party. I also saw on social media that she had an engagement party that she had not told me about or invited me to. That also hurt but I didn't say anything. I figured we were just growing apart. It happens. Then six weeks prior to the wedding, I got a call from Bella. She told me that one of her bridesmaids had dropped out and that she was hoping that I could fill in. I wouldn't be going to any of the events as those were already booked, but I would be in the wedding party. I was thrilled and relieved and accepted immediately. She told me that she was doing a reverse color pallette for the bridal party where all of the bridesmaids and groomsmen were wearing white, and she and the groom were wearing black. This didn't seem that strange - Bella has always liked to stand out and has unconventional taste. She apologized for the late notice and asked if I could find a white dress in time. I had a white slip dress already that would work and sent her a picture of it on the call to see if it would work. She verbally approved it and tagged it with a thumbs up on the text chain. (this will be important later). The wedding was at noon, so we were supposed to meet to do hair and makeup at the venue at 8am. I left my parent's home early and arrived in sweats with my dress in a bag and greeted Bella and the other girls. We had fun drinking champagne and getting ready. About two hours prior to the ceremony, Bella told everybody to get our dresses on so we could do some pictures. I grabbed my bag and went into the bathroom to change and tweak my makeup. When I re-entered the room, every last bridesmaid was in a blue dress. I was the only one in white. My stomach dropped. My mind raced back to the conversation I had with Bella. She had said 'white', right? I hadn't misheard? No, I was certain. She had called out the reverse color scheme. I had googled it. No, this was a set-up. Bella was in the middle of the room in a bathrobe with a resigned look on her face. She said to her cousin, "I told you she was going to do something like this". Her cousin approached me and asked what I was wearing. I mumbled that Bella had told me to wear white. Bella didn't even blink. She stared back and huffed out a laugh and said something about how of course I would have to make today all about me. The cousin started screaming at me, going off on me about how I was jealous, in love with Barrett, and how completely unhinged I was. Honestly, I froze in that moment. I was so spun around by how fast everything went from great to shit, I couldn't even find the words to defend myself. Eventually I stammered out that I had another dress at my parent's house and could go home and change. Bella said something like "I think we both know that this is the end of our friendship. I've given you too many chances. It's time for you to go." I started to cry. I didn't really know what was happening or what she was talking about, but I knew that whatever was going down was really bad. Finally my legs started to work again and I fled. I left all of my things at the venue and just ran to my car and went home, sobbing in the white dress. About a half hour later, my phone blew up. Texts from nearly everyone in my life, telling me that I was bitter, that I was a whore, that I needed to grow up and get over my jealousy, asking how I could do that to Bella. Even my mother sent me a text telling me how disappointed she was in me and that we'd talk when they got home. I did what any rational person would do in the situation. I broke into my parent's liquor cabinet and got drunk. As a result, the conversation when my parents finally arrived home was somewhat confused. My dad wouldn't even look at me and my mom and I kept talking past each other. She outright didn't believe that I had been told to wear white and I didn't understand why. Then finally she said something like "Because of everything else that happened," and I was like "What are you talking about? What does that mean?" And she said "You know, your ultimatums to Bella." The next few hours revealed the truth: over the last several months, Bella has been building a fiction with nearly everyone in my life that I am mentally unstable and madly in love with Barrett. She has concocted a web of outlandish tales and systematically poisoned my family and friends against me. My boyfriend apparently dumped me because of my feelings for Barrett (Lie. He cheated and I dumped him). I told Bella that she needs to choose between me and Barrett (never happened). I told Bella that I couldn't be in the wedding party because I couldn't support her marriage given that Barrett was meant for me (lie). I had a major meltdown before the engagement party and that's why I wasn't there...on and on, lies on top of lies. In all of these stories, Bella has painted herself as the patient, long-suffering friend trying to deal with a friend clearly going through a tough time. She expressed understanding for my unrequited love for Barrett and empathized with how hard it must be for me to see her marry the love of my life. And has made great efforts to try to sustain our friendship despite how "complicated" the situation is. The lie has been going on so long, my mom literally did not believe me. Finally I grabbed my phone and handed it to her and told her to go through my text messages with Bella. Asked her to show me any evidence of any of that happening. It was when she was scrolling through reading our messages that she saw the picture of the white dress I had sent Bella with her thumbs up on it. I had completely forgotten about it. The absence of any ultimatums or Barrett drama in our texts and the picture of the approved dress flipped my mom. She finally believed me. She was horrified that she had bought into a false narrative. She called my dad into the room and explained what was what. My dad isn't the type of person you want to piss off. We had to spend significant energy trying to calm him down so he didn't walk next door and rip the house from the foundation. My mom still says that I'm a bit of an asshole because I should never have assumed that I could wear white to someone's wedding. I should have confirmed with the other bridesmaids about what they were wearing, and that was part of my job as a member of the bridal party. Fine, I own that. But it doesn't change the fact that I never meant to hurt Bella, and she has been setting me up for this epic fall for MONTHS. The next day, hungover on multiple levels, I sent screencaps of my call history with Bella and the photo of the approved dress text to multiple people. Unfortunately this is where my occupation works against me. I am a graphic designer, and people believe that I photoshopped the image. Trust me, if I was going to photoshop some proof it would have been a hell of a lot more compelling than somebody liking an image. So pretty much nobody believes me except my mom, dad and ONE of the other bridesmaids (one of Bella's friends from college I don't know well). She was there during the dress incident and she found me on social media and DM'd me that she could tell from the stunned look on my face that I was telling the truth. She said that Bella had a pretty bad case of covid at the beginning of the year, and ever since then had changed as a person, becoming cruel and self-absorbed. She said the wedding events had been horrific and Bella was a monster and she was planning on going no contact now that it was done. So that's three people out of hundreds that don't think I'm an asshole. Everybody else does. My reputation destroyed. My life in tatters. I don't think I'm the AH, but I submit myself to reddit's judgment. Relevant Comments: OOP answers some questions: did Barrett maybe say something about him having feelings for you that you did not reciprocate? This is possible, I guess, but I'm not aware of any incidents. I think perhaps this has more to do with Bella's cousin putting poison in her ear about me than Barrett actually having feelings for me. But that's just a gut instinct. I don't actually know. And where was Barrett in all this? You said he was your friend, so it seems odd that he would watch his bride attempt to ruin your life for the fun of it. The first time I saw him after last Christmas was at the rehearsal the night before the wedding. I gave him a hug and congratulated him and expressed how excited he must be and we talked about my drive up and how some of our mutual friends flights had been cancelled. It was entirely benign. Bella was talking to somebody else and I greeted her a bit later. I never saw him the day of the wedding because I didn't make it that far. I have no idea what he makes of all of this but I have to imagine that he's been poisoned to believe I'm some deranged stalker as well. I haven't reached out to him because I'm worried doing so would add fuel to Bella's narrative. If your parents were at the engagement party, why didn't you tell them you weren't invited? "My parents were not at the engagement party. My understanding was that it was more of a friends engagement party than a familial one. But they did know that it happened, and I do think they expected me to come home for it. There was a lot of miscommunication between my mom and I. My parents are pretty low EQ and uncomfortable with emotions and drama, so they didn't pry too deeply. My mom would ask me questions like "So Bella told me a little bit about what is going on...are you ok?" And I would assume she was talking about my cheating ex where my mom was actually talking about my "unrequited love" for Barrett. And I would respond with something like "I'm struggling a little but I'm getting through it. I'll be ok, thanks mom." And like that we kept talking past each other. Looking back there were a few things my mom said that confused me, but I didn't seek clarity at the time." In response to some more questions on that thread: So if they expected you to come home for it why did they never ask you about your plans to attend and when would you be home? I wish I could answer your question but I genuinely do not know the timelines from my end. I don't know what my parents knew when, when the party invites went out, when my parents were told by Bella that I couldn't handle going -- all of this happened without me knowing about it. So I just don't know. Trust me, the fact that my parents thought all of this stuff was going on with me and didn't properly talk to me about it has been difficult to swallow. Also how is it that as you’re getting ready at the venue you never see her wedding dress or talk about the flipped colors for the wedding until it’s time for the bridesmaids to get dressed? I was boxed out of all of the other wedding events except for the rehearsal which lasted about 30 minutes. I was never really put on group texts about the wedding, which I thought was owed to my last minute involvement. Dresses were in garment bags and put on a rack. At one point her bridal gown was removed from the room to be steamed. I don't think it was back yet when this all went down, which was why she was still in a robe. My understanding was that she wanted photos of us helping her get dressed, which was why we were getting dressed first. Now I suspect the timing was intentional. I was the only person who thought there was a flipped color palette so I don't know why that would have come up in conversation? We talked about a lot of stuff but wedding colors didn't come up. It seems like both you and your parents are poor communicators and Bella relied on you not reaching out to her, or her parents, the other bridesmaids, or your parents to ask about wedding plans Yeah...my relationship with my parents is...well I think I'd need a whole additional AITAH post for that. It's complicated. There is no judgement bot, but most comments were NTA or just confused and asking for info Update Post: January 16, 2024 (Almost 2 months later) I've gone back and forth about updating my post. If you read my update, hopefully you'll understand why. For safety reasons, this will likely be my one and only update. For those of you bitching about length, I included a tl;dr at the end. Before I get started, I want to address a question a lot of commenters had about my parents. A lot of people were questioning why my mom would hear all of that stuff about me and not check in on me or confront me. It's because I'm an apostate. Last year I left the religion my parents raised me in (which Bella is still involved in so she has superior credibility). My politics differ also. From where mom and dad sat, I was a sinner capable of any act of evil because I turned my back on Biblical principles. Assume that the broader religious community in this town believes the same of me. Despite this, I tried to have a relationship with my parents. I am an only child. They are my only family. But there was strain and distance there. For example, I did not tell my parents a lot about my breakup because the circumstances of that would reinforce some of my parents' worst beliefs about me. It's also the reason I haven't been home in the last year. It's also one of the reasons I assumed things were strained between Bella and I in the last year. I didn't bring it up because as EVERYBODY wanted to point out, my post was already too damn long (And this one will be too. Sorry.). I would have guessed that the events of the wedding would strain my relationship with my parents further but unexpectedly it has brought us closer. I think many of my parents' strong opinions of me were more about how they felt my leaving the church would ultimately reflect on them in the community. But now that the community has rallied against me and the worst has happened, they've circled the herd. They've waged holy war in their church on my behalf in the last couple of months. It's weirdly cemented that my parents actually do care about me, despite our differences as people. So in that regard, this awful event has been a blessing. A lot of the awkwardness between us from the last year has faded and it really feels like they've chosen a side and that side is me. We had a great holiday together. So in that way, I'm glad this happened. On to the update. In the immediate aftermath of the wedding and post, I did as people suggested and sent out a screen recording of my text messages with Bella (all of them going back months, to counter her narrative that I was unstable) and explaining my side of the story. There were three camps that emerged as a result. First were my high school friends. Most of them are religious and had been extensively brainwashed by Bella. None took my side, except for the one bridesmaid who had already contacted me. Next were the college friends closer to me. None of them had heard Bella's whisper campaign and accepted the evidence immediately. Several of them told me that they had never really liked Bella and that she had shit talked me behind my back. This was news to me, but also a relief because these are the relationships I most don't want to lose. And it looks like I won't. The college friends who were closer to Barrett just didn't really care. A lot of these guys are classic dudebros that are drama-adverse, so I'm not shocked they aren't relishing the chance to wade through and litigate the evidence. No hostility coming from these people anymore, but no support either. I can live with that. Bella's nuclear and extended family I have given up on. When I was back for Christmas I tried to go over to speak to Bella's parents (who were like parents to me also), and they refused to even open the door. I left a letter in their mailbox. It went unacknowledged. In general, things settled down into a new normal and I just focused on my life and my work and trying to move forward. I went home for the holidays and just hung out with my parents. Life was ok. THEN. January 1st, I signed into an older email account that I haven't used in a while to reset a password. In the spirit of new year digital housekeeping, I started going through old messages, intending to close this account for good, when I saw an e-mail from my ex with the subject line "I WIN". I cannot describe the gut punch that I felt when I saw that mail. I freeze up now just writing about it. My ex -- let's call him Matthew -- was the perfect boyfriend. Until he wasn't. He became extremely controlling after our first year of dating. He wanted to control what I wore, what I ate, who I talked to, who I connected with and what I posted on social media, etc. He was very cunning and nuanced with the way he tore me down slowly over time. But then he slipped up, I found out he was cheating, and I woke up enough to get out of there. The break-up was a living nightmare. He refused to "allow" me to break up with him. We were living together. He installed tracking software on my phone and bugged my car. He had people at my job reporting to him on my movements. I couldn't get away from him. I couldn't hide. He kept showing up. He held my dog hostage. The police were useless because he was never physically violent and was careful not to write his threats down. I was in absolute hell for months, living under the terror that he would show up again. I had changed my job, my number, my address, my email account, my social media profiles were private -- this was the one place I forgot to block him. The "I WIN" email was sent the day after the wedding. He said that he had become close with Bella after we broke up. He called himself the "architect of my demise". He said he had fed Bella's paranoia about me and Barrett and that together they had planned my 'punishment'. He said losing everyone important in my life was what I deserved. And then he said WE SHOULD GET BACK TOGETHER. Unless I wanted more 'unfortunate' things like this to keep happening. (Yes, he a delusional prick.) It took me a while to collect myself and get my shit together after reading that. I fell apart for a few days. My mom helped pull me back together and now knows the details about what happened with Matthew. She connected me with a family friend, an attorney, that is currently helping me file for a restraining order against Matthew. I tried during the stalking period, but couldn't afford an attorney and was denied. I think with the email evidence and the attorney saying things the right way, it will be granted this time but the hearing is not for another couple of weeks. It is on zoom and Matthew will get a chance to be there. I am terrified to see him, even just on a screen. (If you read this Matthew, please realize that I am not so terrified that I won't taze the fuck out of you if you ever come near me again.) Once I had dealt with my own safety, I had the realization that I was in possession of absolute proof that the wedding incident was a setup. I considered blasting it out everywhere, but I still have so much shame about being in an abusive relationship and cannot bring myself to do it. So I decided to just forward it to Barrett with a small amount of explanation. Barrett did not respond to the email. I do not know what happened in Bella and Barrett's household after that, but what I do know is that two nights later, Bella drunk drove her car to my parent's house. While attempting to park in their driveway, she ran over their mailbox. When my parents answered the door, she started screaming about how I'm a homewrecking slut. In her drunken ramblings, my parents were able to figure out that Barrett had left her. Her parents were called over from next door to collect their drunk daughter. My dad said they seemed extremely embarrassed. I know a lot of people here will probably be fist pumping the air that Bella met with some karma. I'm not one of them. Matthew is a monster, and I know firsthand how charming and convincing he is. Bella, much like I did, fell for his act. Her happiness has been destroyed by Matthew too. And I have a really hard time blaming her now that I know that he was pulling the strings. But she also made her choices. I'm not dumb enough to reconcile with her either. My #1 priority is my safety and anybody who has ties to Matthew is somebody I need to stay far away from. Bella will have to find her own path back to good. There is a role that opened on my team in another country. It's a manager position, which would be a promotion for me and my boss thinks I should apply. While it would be harder having even more distance from my folks, I think being in an entirely new country might help cultivate a feeling of safety for me. One that I'm not sure I can get in this city now. So that might be what's next for me. I don't really know how to end this properly. I'm just tired. Thanks for the support, reddit. I probably won't sign into this account again. TL;DR: My abusive ex-boyfriend Matthew was feeding Bella's paranoia about Barrett and I. He was involved with planning my 'punishment' with Bella. He sent me an e-mail to an old account bragging about his victory in destroying my relationships and asking to get back together. I forwarded the email to Barrett. Barrett left. Bella drunk drove her car into my parent's mailbox. I am seeking a restraining order against my ex and am considering leaving the country. submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Title should say: wore not work update I just git an email from my brother, telling me that if I wanted to redeem myself, I could reimburse his wife the cost of the dress. Now I'm not a detective but this smells like.....bs. original I was invited to my brother's wedding. Our relationship is okay. We don't talk much because we live in different parts of the world. The wedding was two weeks ago and I flew in a week beforehand. I was not in the bridal party or anything like that. I also don't really have a relationship with his wife. So there should be no bad blood between anyone. The dress code was "fancy." It didn't say much more. The only thing it said was no indigo blue dresses or white dresses as well as no velvet red suits as those were the colors of the wedding party. I hate dresses. I have not worn one since I was 13. For fancy wear I only wear suits, pant suits, one piece etc. For my own wedding I wore a very nice white pantsuit. For this occasion, I chose a normal black suit, vest, and suit jacket. White blouse, black heels, slick hair, some toned down makeup. No tie but a nice necklace. I looked good but in no way bridal or upstage-y. And to be honest, most men had the same outfit on. Sans heels. Which is why it never crossed my mind that I was doing something wrong. Till after the food everything was going well. I had noticed the bridal party bumping into me somewhat often. But shit hit the fan when I took off my vest because I had spilled something on it. Then the bride's family and friends started to be more hostile with me. Culminating in the braidsmaid dunping red whine on me. I was mad, but I pretended like it was a genuine mistake and didn't say anything. Since then, my brother has called me 3 times. Once to tell me that I really fucked up his wedding. The second to demand that I apologize. And the 3 (which was like 4 minutes later, not even leaving me time to write his wife) telling me I am dead to him until I make this up to him. My husband and mother a bewildered by this. My father said I should have had more foresight seeing as I am a woman ans wore white to a wedding. Aita ? submitted by /u/MulberryOk2954 to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

I’m in a wedding coming up soon. I was asked to be a Bridesmaid almost a year and a half ago. I’ve been a bridesmaid once before and I know it’s a lot of commitment between time and money. But it’s my cousin and we grew up together and was flattered she wanted me to be involved, so I said yes. Fast forward, we are a few weeks from the wedding. For background, I’ve always been on the quieter side and not very “glamorous” I guess you could say. I know how to look nice and presentable, but I also like to be comfortable in my day to day life. They are hiring a salon to do everyone’s hair (each person has to pay for their own hairstyles and makeup). It was brought up a few months ago and I hadn’t decided if I was going to do my own hair for the wedding or not. The closer we’ve gotten I’ve thought I would get it professionally done because it might be easier. But then, the brides mother texted me this: “ I just want to touch base w you about your hair for the wedding day. I know I asked if you wanted to get your hair done professionally and I don't think I was given a solid answer. At this time, I would like to share my opinion on the matter. We have hired a professional photographer for a whopping $3000 for this wedding, and the bride and I would really appreciate if everyone got their hair done professionally not only for the wedding itself but also because of the photography. I have spent a pretty penny on this event and would appreciate if everyone was done up the way we would like to see. I hope that the way I've worded things doesn't sound offensive, sometimes when I text things, it comes off the wrong way to people.” This felt very back handed to me and undeserved as I’ve done nothing but participate and help with the normal events of a wedding. It feels like by me being in the picture, if I don’t get my hair done, I will ruin the pictures. It felt like an attack on me and who I am and how I look. I’ve been nothing but supportive to the bride and the things she wants to do. If she absolutely wanted me to get my hair done professionally, I would have. All she had to do was ask. A little more background, the brides mother is my aunt. We’re a close knit family and I would’ve never thought she’d say this to me. I also responded to her and said this: “I will get my hair done. I was already planning on getting my hair done by one of the professionals. However, this text was not well received. It has made me feel inadequate to be in this wedding and that the way I look and who I am is not enough or accepted. The money that you’ve decided to spend on this wedding should not be put on my shoulders. I have done absolutely nothing to deserve being spoken to like this. And saying “I hope this isn’t offensive” does not absolve you from being offensive. I’m sorry you felt this is how it needed to be approached.” Am I the asshole? UPDATE: My aunt has responded and apologized profusely and said that she’d like to talk with me on the phone. She said that she has been under a lot of stress not just from the wedding but other things. She also said she had a bad day and shouldn’t have sent that message the way she did. And just to add, I’m very easy going and would have just got my hair done professionally if they asked, but they made it seem optional in the first place. Thank you everyone for weighing in! I appreciate all perspectives! submitted by /u/Unique-Opinion-7205 to r/TwoHotTakes [link] [comments]

Got married Friday. My mother made multiple comments to anyone and everyone that she needed to be prettier than the bride because she gave birth to me. No joke. To hair stylist and make up artist, bridal party, etc. Everyone was visibly uncomfortable & didn’t know what to do with that. Welcome to my life, ya’ll. 🤦🏽‍♀️ submitted by /u/timeywimeygal88 to r/weddingshaming [link] [comments]