Outdoor Activities For Kids

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I don’t know how much of this is a lie. 80%? 90%? How does she have time to put them all in these extra curricular activities and sports??? All the rides and managing 10 different schedules don’t seem possible on earth. Even if 50% of this is true, she wouldn’t have time to film the cringe dance, edit videos and delete comments. Also Day - how do these football camps work??? Is it a self-initiated thing? Does Lush thinks he really can get into D1 school???? I thought kids who are looking at D1 school go through more intensive training or play at good schools? submitted by /u/Optimal-Hat1999 to r/doughertydozenexposed [link] [comments]

I'll try to make a long story short. We're a couple in our early 30s and our daughter is 4. She's a great kid but we've also tried really hard to parent her a specific way which means no screen time (on most days), normalizing spending tons of time outside, and reading, and on hobbies. She has gone on hikes and camping trips with us and that took a lot of effort, we hyped up hiking as a household and she actually does really well on trips. She's a kid, so we go through tears and meltdowns but she's genuinely able to participate. We decided that this summer we want to go on an international trip to a destination that's known for outdoors activities. I was telling about this vacation to my friend who has a 6 year old and my friend immediately got excited about how great the plans were. Then she immediately started talking about how great it were if she came along with her family! I told her it's just a family thing for us and we already have most of our planning done so we can't accommodate her. She told me that we could still cancel our lodging and go together, then when I said no she said it won't be a problem and they can book their own. I firmly don't want to go with her and her family. Her 6 year old is not used to hikes and spending time outdoors, it'll be a really hard trip for him. My friend tends to ask our group to adjust activities to something kid-centric if she can't find a babysitter. Which is fine when it's something local but it doesn't align with how I want to travel because I already know her kid won't do well with the activities we have chosen. Selfishly, her kid also gets a lot more screen time and a lot more leeway/gets what he wants after tantrums, which makes our lives harder after a prolonged period of our kids hanging out. I gently told her we want to do things that probably wouldn't be very fun for her kid and she said she's sure he will do great but we can adjust if needed. At that point I told her I'm not adjusting anything, it's our trip, it's a big expense and my husband and I want to do what we have already planned. If she chooses to go at the same time she can do whatever she wants but we will not be seeing her there unless it's exactly what we had already planned or otherwise aligns with our family needs. She's mad that I don't want to make this into a great experience for the kids and that I am saying no to creating great memories together because she remembers very fondly a trip her family took with some family friends when she was a child and wants to give the same thing to her own. AITA? Edited to add: I am so overwhelmed by all of the responses. Thank you - I have such a hard time saying no and genuinely felt like shit about the whole interaction. This is a woman who has been part of my life for the better part of 2 decades and she's a kind person and her son is a sweet kid so it was making me feel awful to say no again and again. But indeed I would never have asked someone a second time much less a third and that thought was helpful for me to reframe. I texted her a little peace offering that we can try to go on a weekend getaway to a hotel with a water park in our area sometime if she would like and I think that is a decent enough compromise, it'll be much more suitable for both kids together with ample room to separate the kids or do other activities if needed. submitted by /u/Specific_Fox_66 to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

What started as an idea to go to Makinohara Service Area for the memes (more on that later) became a 5 day road trip as we visited locations for the following 6 anime: Yuru Camp (Izu, Shizuoka) Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai (Ogaki, Gifu) Silent Voice (Ogaki, Gifu) Salad Bowl of Eccentrics (Gifu City, Gifu) Too Many Losing Heroines! (Toyohashi, Aichi) Love Live! Sunshine!! (Numazu, Shizuoka) January 2nd - Yuru Camp Following in the footsteps of the Outdoor Activities Circle, we planned to see capybara in the hot springs as well as go up Mt. Omuro for some iconic photos. While the capybara were cute, the shots of them bathing unfortunately did not match the anime. Because the gods like giving me their toughest battles, strong winds stopped the lift and we couldn’t go up. I settled for a sad picture with a photograph at the base building. I did, however, get to eat wasabi ice cream, which was surprisingly good! We also did stop at our original destination, Makinohara Service Area. Some of you may have already realized, but this rest stop shares its name with Bunny Girl Senpai’s Shoko Makinohara! Despite having very little plot relevance now, there was still a Shoko cutout and a commemorative stamp, which pleased my Shoko-superfan friend. January 3rd - Hibike Euphonium! (Wait, what?) We were going to see the Nagoya Congress Center where nationals are held (also shown at the end of OP 1!), but there were renovations going on. I’ve been before and taken pictures, but my friend who originally got me into the show didn’t get to see it himself, which is a shame. Otherwise, the day was actually normal tourism stuff! January 4th- Silent Voice, Salad Bowl of Eccentrics, Bunny Girl Senpai We got some daytime Silent Voice shots and also noticed that they still have promotional materials out for a movie that came out a decade ago (it hurt to type that). Somehow, the small city of Ogaki is host to another anime, at least for a bit! Mai and Sakuta go to Ogaki for a night in season 1, and the city leaned into the collab pretty hard. We did a stamp rally to get a special card and visited a sweets shop where the owner actually got super into the series and now has a museum’s worth of memorabilia. While in town, my friend got Mai Sakurajima liquor and I got Mai Sakurajima x Ogaki Fire Department collab goods! Just like how Salad Bowl of Eccentrics introduces Gifu as “an undistinguished city” in the first episode, the city of Gifu was…certainly that. Even Gifu Castle was smaller than expected when trying to take matching shots (see homeless Livia under the bridge). The Gifu Tanmen eaten in the show was surprisingly delicious though! Just thinking about it makes me want to go back... January 5th Silent Voice → Too Many Losing Heroines! First thing in the morning, I crawled into a children’s playground to take pictures for a Silent Voice so that we’ll have time for our pilgrimage for Too Many Losing Heroines later in the day. I’m glad it was winter and hardly anyone was outside. When we actually got to Toyohashi after some unrelated delays, I end up showing my friends around the station, since it’s my 3rd(!) time in Toyohashi. I didn’t take pictures that day but included some past pics I really like! January 6th - → Love Live! Sunshine!! When we made it to Numazu in the afternoon, we got caught up in the deluge of promotional Love Live Sunshine collaborations that I hardly had time for comparison shots. With all the buses, stamp stations, and posters, it felt surreal how invested the city was in the anime. I’ll definitely be back for more. Concluding Thoughts This was certainly not a trip for the faint of heart. There was an obscene amount of driving, and things like weather and traffic can definitely get in your way. Am I glad I did it? Hell yeah. Would I do it again? Eh… I think I’d like to have a bit more breathing room for each location. And that concludes my semi-annual posting to the sub! Just kidding, this time I swear I’ll post something here sooner and my Instagram for archiving all my trips (@seichiscout) will eventually catch up to these posts… submitted by /u/SeichiScout to r/anime [link] [comments]

TL;DR: A small group of overzealous fans ruin things for everyone by barraging the creator with questions until he refuses to answer them or anyone else ever again. I will start this post by saying out front that, yes, this is slightly absurd, but in all honesty it’s not any different from any of the other drama that surrounds children’s media with adult fanbases. Definitions you should know: Canon: The in-universe truth within a piece of media. For example, it's canon that James Bond drove an Aston Martin that could turn invisible in Die Another Day. Fanon: Something that the fan community has invented, possibly out of partial facts, or out of whole cloth, and is subsequently treated as true. For example, the My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic fandom created a dense and broad list of fanon names, personalities, relationships, and occupations for the background characters in Ponyville. Unlike almost any other fandom before or since, the Bronies managed to get many of these characters canonized into the show. This is not normal. Headcanon: Like fanon, but for one person. For example, many people believe that in Star Trek, Captain Kirk and Spock are gay for each other, despite this never occurring in canon. This is headcanon. OC - “Original Character” - basically any character that you, the fan, make yourself. This can and does cross over and intersect with both Fanon and Headcanon. Going back to Star Trek, the Star Trek: Lower Decks character T’lyn was originally a cosplay character made/performed by writer Kathryn Lyn years before the show ever started. After later getting a writing job on ST: LDS, Lyn wrote her OC into the show, to wild fan acclaim. Again, this is not normal, and this does not usually happen. OCs are usually a creation of a single writer/creator, which stays contained to that creator’s fan works. Lore: We'll get to that… Introduction: Thomas the Tank Engine has lore? For the uninitiated, Thomas the Tank Engine (TTTE) - also known as Thomas and Friends - is a children’s media franchise based on a book series called the Railway Series (RWS), written by Rev. Wilbert Awdry and later his son Christopher Awdry between 1945 and 2012. The books and TV show) follow the adventures and life of Thomas the Tank Engine, a talking steam engine who lives on the Island of Sodor. Depending on if you’re reading the books or watching the tv show (and which version of the tv show you’re watching), Sodor is either a semi-magical island that exists somewhere near England, or it’s very specifically a large island off the coast of Cumbria that occupies the space between Barrow-In-Furness and the Isle of Man. This wide gap in specificity and realism will be important later. One of the hallmarks of the RWS books is their dedication to realism and accuracy. (The TV show is less so, but that’s not important for this particular bit of drama) The events in the books are almost always based in a real life anecdote, and the steam and diesel engines that make up the characters all have real world bases that are (mostly) accurately illustrated. Following in the footsteps of many authors before him, Wilbert Awdry released a 154 page lore book in the late 1980s entitled The Island of Sodor; Its People, History, and Railways. (TIOS) This book goes into the sort of extreme detail you’d expect from a British fantasy book author, up to and including the early history of Sodor going back to the Norman and Viking invasions in the early 900s, the inclusion of a conlang called Sudric, and detailed descriptions of the backstories of almost every engine and major human character put on paper. This was not an unexpected development - Wilbert Awdry had been inventing lore about the franchise since the 1940s, as curious children wrote him to ask about specific details in the books. (We must also note that the books had originally been stories created for his son Christopher, who had demanded such consistency from his father’s bedtime stories that they were eventually written down, leading to their later publication.) Following the publication of TIOS, Wilbert continued giving out lore to children who asked him, and giving talks to fans of the books who had since grown up and become adults, where even more lore was distributed. It should be noted at this point that the RWS was a wild success within the UK, and the nascent heritage/preserved railway industry owes a lot to the franchise. If you like trains in England, you know who Wilbert is and probably adore his books. This isn’t going to be directly relevant, but it’s good to have in the back of your mind. Another fact that should be noted but doesn’t have a good narrative point in this tale is the success of the Thomas and Friends TV series (TVS) in the USA. Premiering on PBS in the early 90s, the show and its merchandising empire would become a multi-billion dollar juggernaut by the early 2000s. If you were a kid around that time, and you showed the slightest hint of interest in trains or other heavy machinery, you knew who Thomas was and loved him. Sadly, Wilbert died in 1997. His son Christopher had taken his place as author of the RWS in 1983, but by the time his father died, his last book was already a year old. He wouldn’t write another until 2006, and then the next - and to date, last - one would come out in 2012. In the meantime, the TVS and its fast-and-loose approach to continuity, lore, characterization, scriptwriting, and real-world accuracy, would become the dominant form of TTTE media throughout the 2000s and beyond. Part 0: The internet Naturally, most fandom drama takes place online, and this is no exception. With TTTE being a franchise dating back to the 40s, fan spaces have been around long enough to have their own “eras.” In the early 2000s and going into the 2010s, Sodor Island Fansite and their Sodor Island Forum (SiF) was the place to be. It was a one-stop-shop for discussion on fan theories, community news, and even fan fiction. However, as the 2010s continued, SiF began to fall off in relevance for a variety of reasons that I’m still fuzzy on. The fandom began to disperse to the various walled gardens of social media. As far as I’m aware, there are fandom groups across every form of social media, but there’s a “big” four group of sites that most of the fandom uses/exists on: Twitter, Youtube, Tumblr, and Discord. The interactions between these communities can be summed up as thus: Youtube and Twitter are the popular kids sitting next to each other at lunch. Discord is the awkward kid who sits next to the popular kids and occasionally talks to them. Tumblr is home-schooled. The following drama, which I cannot stress enough is stupid and petty and incredibly meaningless to 99.999998% of the population, occurred in two parts - the first was on Youtube and Twitter, before spilling over into Discord for an out-of-left field conclusion. Part 1: I know Lore, he’s Data’s brother! I’m sure that some of us may be aware of the obsession modern media has with “Lore.” If you have ever seen Captain Kirk blow up the Death Star, The Avengers fight off the Borg, or Han Solo rescue Sokovian citizens from Ultron, you are well aware of what Lore is, but also the exact kind of person who is obsessed with it. You have encountered these people online. You have encountered representations of these people in media. You may have even had the misfortune to encounter them in real life. These are the Uber-Nerds, the proverbial basement-dwelling keyboard warriors who want an explanation for every little thing that ever happened “in-universe”, whether it was on-screen or not. Y'know, these guys. These people are tragic figures, ones who engage with a beloved piece of media so much that they can no longer see the forest for the trees. One must wonder if they even enjoy it anymore, or if they ever did. I think they do. The amount of effort they put in would be inexplicable and slightly horrifying otherwise. Now, as I mentioned before, Thomas the Tank Engine provides the avid fan with an absolutely phenomenal amount of lore, especially considering the intended audience is supposed to be under eight years old. This means that there is a terrifying and inexorable confluence, a melding of the Uber-Nerd with the only person more insufferable: the Foamer. Part 2: What on earth is a foamer? To put it simply, “foamer” is a derogatory term for anyone who likes trains just a little bit too much. (Or a lot too much.) It comes from the idea that these people are literally foaming at the mouth when they see a train, and the nickname has stuck. In practice, Foamers aren’t too dissimilar from anyone else who’s a mega-fan of a certain thing. If you go to board game, anime, or comic conventions, it will become very clear that foamers are just a different flavor of the same personality type, right down to the occasionally-appalling personal hygiene. The only major difference is that foamers don’t look like a white bedsheet come to life, because foaming is a hobby that necessitates a lot of time outdoors, preferably in the bright sunshine. Full disclosure: I am a foamer. Everything I know about this group comes from lived experience. Remember how I said if you liked trains even a little, you loved Thomas? It works the other way around as well. This talking train children’s show is a major reason I am the man I am today. I have been watching it since I was 2. I am now 30. Part 3: Lore-poisoning on the Orient Express The “small domino” in the chain leading to this drama probably takes place in 2021. The Tallyllyn Railway (good luck pronouncing that) is a small Welsh tourist railway that has a close connection with the RWS and the TVS. In the 1960s, Wilbert Awdry discovered and then liked the place so much that he copied it wholesale within the RWS, creating the Skarloey Railway that some of you may know if you watched the show. This was very beneficial for the Tallyllyn, and they kept a close relationship with the Awdry family that remains to this day, to the point where Wilbert’s study, notes, and model railways are now on display in the railway’s main depot building. This leads us to 2021, when the Tallyllyn organized the first “Awdry Extravaganza.” The extravaganza featured a bunch of TTTE/RWS themed displays, including the first public display of one of Wilbert Awdry’s layouts in many years, but the standout was the reading of one of Wilbert’s old lectures from the 70s… with some new lore about a new locomotive that lived on the Island of Sodor. For the fan community, this was Christmas in August. Everyone rushed to update their rolling stock lists, write new fanfiction, and create fanart of the new character. (Just so that we’re clear - the engine’s name, origin, history, and description were released. At no point was the engine’s personality revealed, or anything else. This is common.) All was good. There were more Awdry Extravaganzas organized in future years, and every year we got a little bit more Lore™, up to the most recent (2025) Awdry extravaganza that revealed that, among other things, Sodor was in the process of building a nuclear power plant. Now, some of this information was gleaned from Wilbert’s copious notes, but obviously the “modern day” information had to come from somewhere, namely Christopher Awdry… Part 4: Do you not see that you are feeding the sharks? Chris Awdry’s relationship with TTTE has always been rather interesting to ponder. Like his father, he’d grown increasingly displeased with the outlandish plots of the TVS. Like his father, he’d written half of the RWS, and a lore book, Sodor: Reading Between the Lines (RBL). However, while his father had spent numerous pages talking about Sudric-Viking battles in the 970s (this is a real thing that he did), Christopher was willing to be more restrained. A good deal of RBL was spent explaining the circumstances in which his books were written, and it seemed that I learned much more about Christopher Awdry’s disdain for his publishers, the TV show, and having to shoehorn Thomas the Tank Engine into every story than I did anything about the Island of Sodor. RBL was written in 2005, and like TIOS, is long out of print. However, at some point in 2020 or early 2021, copies of the book came up for sale on ebay in sizable numbers. Even better, the seller promised that he had access to Chris Awdry, (who was a reported shut-in during much of the 2010s and 2000s) and you could send in a question or two and he’d answer them to the best of his ability. After all, he was born in 1940, and at the time was 81. We can only ask so much of him. (This is foreshadowing.) Around the same time he seemed to answer a few questions via email, and the fan community jumped on these nuggets of lore. The youtube community, who had no trouble making up their own ideas, concepts, and OCs when there was no lore, made video after video recounting, explaining, and unpacking these new revelations. Even Chris’s illustrator, Clive Spong, got in on the action, and in 2025 he sat for an interview with a notable fandom content creator to answer some questions and make up some lore seemingly on the spot. The fandom loved this, and the content mill churned ever-forward. Of course, there was another reason why Chris Awdry started answering these questions - he was probably testing the waters. In 2025, he re-released RBL through Full-Steam-Ahead publishing, (FSA) an organization meant to distribute all of his non-RWS books. The book release itself went… fine. There were some misspellings, factual errors, and other problems, but it’s effectively a self-published book don’t look at it too closely mmmkay? However, there was a side effect. FSA was a company, with an email address. You could now reach out to them, and maybe… just maybe, get him to answer some more questions. Part 5: Bad news! The sharks are stupid. Most of us in the fandom were content not to bother Chris Awdry. Those of us who did, did so through prescribed channels. (Did I buy a copy of RBL off of ebay? Yes, yes I did. Did I ask a question? No. I asked two.) Most of us are not Nictrain123. Nic, as he was referred to, was a fairly big player in the TTTE fan community, with a Youtube channel, highly prolific Twitter account (I think he had over 105,000 tweets), a Deviantart account (lol), and was also the mod/owner of a sizable fan Discord server. Nic had a friend by the name of Justin Bittle, also known as “Awdryverse.” Justin had been a somewhat well-known content creator in the TTTE sphere, however I can’t say that I’ve ever heard of him. This is perhaps a good thing because he does appear to be a raging MAGA supporter who may or may not be transphobic. He got canceled for this once, which is presumably why I don’t know him. Together, Nic and Justin hatched a scheme, one on par with the slightly-satirized version of Eric and Donald Trump Jr. that the Onion keeps posting: They were going to put their brains together and ask Chris Awry some questions. They were going to ask Chris Awdry all the questions. From what I have heard, the initial document was 101 Dalmatians questions long. That’s as many as five 20.2s. And that’s terrible. So they “enlisted” some other help. Rhys Davies is a normal human being who got dragged into this lunacy mostly against his will. He’s a published author who wrote one book about imaginary maps and one book about saving the Titanic via time travel. (This is not a dig, they’re both good books) He’s also a veteran in the TTTE fan-sphere, having been at SiF during its peak, and since then having found a comfortable niche on Twitter and Discord making imaginary maps, rolling stock, fanon, and OCs for the Island of Sodor. Because his book on imaginary cartography is award winning, his maps are actually quite good, and he’s viewed favorably by the fandom. He’s also in Nic’s Discord server, and knew Nic and Justin through the fan community, which is presumably how he got Nic and Justin’s steaming pile of hot garbage dropped on him. According to him, he made a quick pass, found it all “a bit much”, and then bounced from the project. Nevertheless, Nic and Justin assumed this meant he approved what he had done, added his name to the credits, and after paring it down to a mere 77 questions, sent it off to Chris Awdry. Part 6: I wish I thought of giving it a once over God bless Chris Awdry, because he actually tried to answer these rambling, idiotic questions. I’ll link them here, but you don’t have to read them, and really if you’re not into the TTTE fan community, these mean borderline nothing. As a TTTE fan, these are appalling in their quality. It is every negative stereotype of fandom rolled into one document. Leading statements, poorly phrased blocks of text that lacked question marks at the end, questions all but begging “Please make my OC real.” “Please validate my headcanon,” “Look at my OC.” “Look at someone else’s OC.” “Do you remember this one detail from 60+ years ago?” “At no point will we ask anything about what you wrote, just about the things your dad wrote about.” etc, etc, etc. It’s moon man talk, and I can’t believe that these were sent, let alone responded to. And yes, Chris Awdry, age 85, really responded to these. Not to all of them, of course. He got 16 questions done before Nic couldn’t take the suspense anymore, and gave the answered questions to Sodor Island Models, (SIM) another fan-content YouTube channel. SIM (who, just to be clear, is merely a messenger in this debacle) released the video on January 18th, and the backlash started immediately. See, Nic and Justin had (among other things) asked about some of the fandom’s favorite characters, both canon and fanon. I think their aim was to learn more about the canon characters and get the fanon ones “canonized”, but what actually happened was that a good number of them got de-canonized. Engines with “established” fanon names were quickly renamed in a single email, and others… well, let’s talk about the Works Diesel. The Works Diesel is/was a British Rail Class 47 that had shown up in a few of Chris’s books, and had been widely assumed by the fandom to be a background character on the Island of Sodor - one of the Fat Controller’s engines, but not one we see in the books. Instead, Christopher very clearly stated that this engine was not one of the Fat Controller's engines and had merely been borrowed from the mainland rail network when the story took place. This was a shocking revelation to many, as the Works Diesel had become somewhat of a fanon mainstay, especially during SiF's period of prominence during the 2000s and 2010s. After all of these revelations, the four nations of the TTTE ecosystem reacted as expected. Youtube made videos about the new lore Discord made some noises about the new canon Tumblr remained steadfastly unaware that anything had happened at all And then the Fire Nation attacked Twitter got involved. Many mean tweets were made. The users of Elon Musk’s Facism Platform (featuring Dante from the Devil May Cry Series) [and Knuckles Grok] made it very clear that they were displeased with Chris Awdry’s decision. Laboring under the impression that Chris Awdry had a brainwave in a similar fashion to JK Rowling saying that all wizards shit themselves, they got upset and started making noise. They had no idea that Nic and Justin were behind this. And Nic and Justin had no interest in telling. Part 7: We're all trying to find the guy who did this Of all the things in this story, the one part that I truly find unbelievable is that Chris Awdry uses Twitter. The man is 85 years old. A grandfather. Someone who I wouldn’t expect to know how Twitter works. For god’s sake, my dad is 20 years his junior and can barely make his iPhone do what he wants. But he must! Because the next day, on January 19th, FSA posted a statement on Twitter: Please be aware that due to the influx of questions that we have received we will not be passing any more over to Christopher at this time. This is due to the reason that Christopher has already mentioned in Sodor Reading Between the Lines that some questions should not be answered by him, but by the fans. He has seen the recent social media posts regarding the recent RWS questions that he answered, and was saddened to see the fans turn on each other, and in some cases himself, with some calling the answers lazy, uncaring and the answers rushed. This is something that should never have been allowed to happen. If you ask him a question, and do not like the answer then don’t ask in the first place. So, as his publisher and first port of call we have decided that Christopher should refrain from answering any further questions. For every question he answers, another two, three or four seem to be fired back at him. This shows no end of slowing, so therefore he is allowing the fans to be creative and have their own interpretation of what the Railway Series means to them. He is 85 years old, and is retired. Imagine if you will that he left Sodor in 2010 and hadn’t been back since. The world of Sodor has moved on, thanks to other people’s creativity. Let’s not stop people from having fun with it. This in no way means he is not talking to fans, and is looking forward to seeing everyone at the Swanage Railway event in April. Please do not take this message as a rebuttal, but more of a guide that you can now have fun with your own interpretation and do your own thing with the characters that many love. Kind regards Christopher and the Team at Full-Steam-Ahead Well done everyone. You’ve successfully managed to drive the author out of the fandom. We truly are really useful. The Twitter finger pointing continued for about a day before Nic decided, inexplicably, to release the “questionnaire” he’d sent to Chris Awdry, in its entirety, on his Twitter. I have no idea if it was guilt, self-promotion, or a genuine delusion that he hadn’t done anything wrong, but oh man was that not the right call. The fandom was… not pleased at the quality and quantity of questions Nic and Justin wrote, and made their opinions quite clear on twitter, to the point where Nic made a statement and then “went on Twitter hiatus” on the 22nd. A good part of the rage came from the fact that Nic and Justin had represented themselves as speaking for all fans, when in reality you could be a fairly active member of the fandom and have never even heard of them at all. Truly, C-List actor levels of delusion. Justin and Rhys also made statements around this time. Rhys explained his part in the whole debacle, and curiously mentioned that he was not distancing himself from Justin, something that Nic had also mentioned before going on hiatus. Justin then announced that he was not transphobic, nor a fascist, nor did he advocate for genocide against trans people, and then said he would be leaving Twitter. We’ll get back to that in a minute... Part 8: I think it’s been a minute The ending of this entire nonsense is perhaps the smallest of the small stakes currently at play here. At around 7:00 PM (US-EST) on January 23rd, someone in Nic’s Discord server called him out with a screenshot of him liking one of Justin’s particularly transphobic Twitter posts. It seems that this post (and Nic’s liking of it) is at least 3 years old, and may or may not have been screenshotted and then sat on for some time. The reasons for doing this are unclear and I'm not particularly sure a “true” answer will be found. A flurry of angry Discord posts soon followed, Nic’s attempts at explaining himself turned into him shooting himself in the foot, and within the hour he had been forced to give up his own Discord server and leave, to general calls of good riddance. Several of the remaining server mods were trans people already, so ownership was transferred to someone in that group. Additionally, Nic and Justin deleted their Twitter accounts, making research for this so much more difficult. All is well, right? Is this the end? Not quite: the mass of Discord users had rapidly approached “angry mob” territory, and rapidly discovered that Rhys had also refused to distance himself from Justin. Talk very quickly escalated, and by some minor miracle Rhys showed up in the server at what must have been 3 or 4 in the morning GMT to explain himself: he had legitimately not known about Justin’s past behavior, and assumed the public anger at Justin had been due to differences in politics, not “he’s a transphobe.” Once he explained himself, everyone seemed to calm down. Time will only tell if this ongoing drama squeezes out anything else juicy. Part 9: The juice will be squeezed Oh who the fuck am I kidding. Come April, Chris Awdry is making one of his first public appearances in 20 years. Somebody is going to bother him, I can feel it. Quick Update It's now the 11th of February, and SIM just posted a video interview with Chris Awdry. The actual contents of this don't matter, so let's go onto the comments... Oh gang... we haven't learned a goddamned thing, have we? submitted by /u/JZ1011 to r/HobbyDrama [link] [comments]

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/TechnicalHousing97 in r/AITAH, r/neurodiversity, r/offmychest, and r/Redditor_Updates Previous BORU New updates marked with ****** trigger warnings: verbal abuse, intellectual elitism, possible ableism, homophobia, antisemitism, racism mood spoilers: sad and frustrating   AITAH for telling my wife that I will lose respect for her if she doesn't apologize? - December 6, 2025 My wife and I have three kids. Thursday my wife was helping our nine year old with her homework. She was supposed to fill in a chart with the times tables. That was a hectic day. Our four year old threw up, and I was trying to clean him up, and my wife was having trouble getting our nine year old to focus on what she was doing because she kept looking at me. Our nine year old hates math and is pretty bad at it, which annoys my wife who is usually fantastic at math. My wife asked our daughter was seven times seven was. Our daughter said she didn't know. My wife kept telling her to try to think of any answer. She kept saying she didn't know. My wife was getting frustrated. Our daughter finally guessed 37. My wife said "close, 47." Our thirteen year old then said "no mom, it's 49." My wife snapped at that point and told him to shut up and go upstairs. He went into the backyard instead. She took a deep breath and then went into our room. I finished with our four year old and then went outside. I tried to talk to him, but he didn't want to listen. He kept saying "but dad, seven times seven is 49." I told him his mom just got frustrated and didn't mean to yell at him. He kept insisting that seven times seven in 49 (which I am aware of), so I got nowhere. I went back inside to talk to my wife. She said she knew she shouldn't have yelled. She said she was frustrated because he was distracting her, and that's why she made the mistake. I pointed out that she made the mistake before he said anything. She started crying and asked why I was being so critical. I apologized and told her I loved her. We hugged it out, but then I asked her if she was going to go and apologize to our 13 year old. She said no, because he shouldn't have interrupted her. She said he was rude and needed to learn not to interrupt. I told her it's not okay to tell him to shut up. We went back and forth, and finally I said I won't be able to respect her as much if she doesn't apologize. That really hurt her. She said she needed space. She hasn't said a word to me or him since Thursday. I know that what I said is harsh, but I can't respect someone who won't apologize when they make a mistake. Am I the asshole? My sister says I am because I'm not being supportive and our 13yo is "a lot." Update: My wife got up before our alarm and started cleaning our bathroom. I started the laundry and made breakfast. She didn't say a word when she sat down to eat. She ate much faster than normal. She stood up, picked up our four year old and told our nine year old to get ready because they were going to the library. She didn't say anything to our thirteen year old. I told her we need to talk, and she shook her head. I followed her upstairs and insisted that we need to talk. She just kept shaking her head. She went into our four year old's room and locked the door. I went downstairs and told our thirteen and nine year old that we are going to the dog park. They both asked if Mom was okay, and I said yes and that she needed space. I grabbed some clothes for our nine year old from the laundry room, and she got changed in the downstairs bathroom. We are at the dog park, and my wife is refusing to answer my texts. I'm starting to think this isn't about math.   Update: AITAH for telling my wife that I will lose respect for her if she doesn't apologize? - December 8, 2025 Link to my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pg8ss5/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/ TLDR for those who don't want to click: My wife and I were having a crazy week last week. Thursday she was helping our daughter with her math homework while frustrated and overwhelmed. She gave our daughter the wrong answer to a question. Our son corrected her. She screamed at him to shut up. Afterwards I wanted her to apologize. She refused, and I said that would make me respect her less. She gave both me and our son the silent treatment in response. Update: Yesterday (Sunday) my wife wanted to take the two younger children to the library. I tried to talk to her, but she locked herself in our four year old's room. I took our older two children to the dog park. She took our four year old to the library. At the dog park I talked to our 13 year old. I explained to him that a lot was going on right now and his mother was overwhelmed. I said that sometimes when a person is overwhelmed the next thing that happens, good, bad, or neutral, is the thing that pushes them over, and the source of that thing, good, bad or neutral is what they lash out at. I said his mom was wrong to lash out at him, but it wasn't his fault and she didn't really mean it. I said she was embarrassed, and that was why she was avoiding him. He said that wasn't fair, and we kept going back and forth. I was trying to help him understand he didn't do anything wrong and shouldn't feel bad, but all he could focus on was that he was being treated unfairly. I told him that it was unfair, but that his mom isn't perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. I said sometimes he is unfair, but we forgive him because we love him. I said forgiving his mom, even though she is wrong, would be a nice way to show his love for her, but that he doesn't have to. Again, he just said that the situation was unfair. Which it is. It really is. After the dog park I took our 13yo to a friend's house and our 9yo a friend of mine's house. I went home and made dinner. However, my wife went out for dinner with our 4yo, so she didn't get home until after I had put everything away. I told her that we had to talk now that the older kids aren't here, and that not talking wasn't an option anymore. She still ignored me, so I said that if she wouldn't engage with me, I would have to call our sisters and get them to come over to help me. She got very angry, but she finally engaged. She told me that she is drowning. She said work is exhausting, and every day when she gets home her patience is already below zero. She is scared and upset by our 4yo's stomach issues. She said he threw up again at dinner (she really shouldn't have taken him out to eat, because we are supposed to keep track of everything he eats before throwing up or not throwing up before the appointment today, which is impossible to do at a restaurant, but I didn't mention that). She said she can't take our 13yo's behavior anymore. I said he didn't do anything wrong Thursday. She said that when we were that age if we interrupted our parents to tell them they were wrong we would have been punished severely. She said we raised a spoiled entitled child. She said she can never get any peace and quiet in our own home that we worked hard to pay for because we have a spoiled teen that refuses to ever stop talking or making noise. I said we have been working on those behaviors and he has been improving, but she lashed out when he was trying to be helpful and that sends the wrong message. She told me that I am not supporting her. She said she needs things to change. She said we need to crack down and stop being so lenient. If he plays the recorder after we've told him he's done for the night, we need to take it. If he interrupts, he needs to go straight to his room. If he argues about curfew, he needs to lose privileges. I told her we need to take a step back. I said if she is overwhelmed she needs to take a break. I told her this heightened emotional state is a bad time to make huge household changes. I suggested like many commenters did that she get a hotel for a few days and decompress. She said she's not the problem (I didn't say she was) and he is. She said he was bad from the beginning. She said when our daughter didn't have all his issues she thought it was because she is a girl, but our 4yo is a boy and is also better behaved, so he is the problem. She also said I've always seen it and used to admit it but stopped to make her look crazy. For context I used to joke that our 13yo is a changeling because he likes to be outside so much, loves animals and loves playing on his recorder. I want to stress that this was a joke. The reason I stopped making this joke is because I noticed my wife didn't find it funny anymore. This was years ago anyway. I said all that, and she said no, that I saw even then that he is wrong but stopped acknowledging it to make her feel like the problem. She also said she has been seeing an online therapist (I had no idea). She said she didn't tell me because she was embarrassed. Her therapist told her that our son has dangerous tendencies and shows signs of being contemptuous towards women because he doesn't respect his mother. I had no idea how to respond to that. I said any therapist who would say something like that about a child they've never met shouldn't be licensed, and if it's an online therapist for all she knows they aren't. At the end of our conversation she agreed to go to the hotel only if she took our 4yo with her because she wanted to be the one to take him to his medical appointment. I didn't think that was a good idea at all. However she ended up just taking him and going. I picked up the kids and brought them home. They sense that something is wrong and were very subdued this morning getting ready for school. I talked to my boss when I came in and he is going to let me leave early to go to our 4yo's medical appointment. I am not sure what will happen there. I am hoping it will be good news and that will make us all feel less on edge.   Should I have my child reevaluated? - December 9, 2025 When my 13 year old was in the first grade his teacher suggested we have him evaluated for autism, which was done through the school. The psychologist who evaluated him said that he did not have autism or any other neurological condition. She said that while he did have some traits associated with autism, he didn't meet the diagnostic criteria, and that none of the traits he exhibited interfered with his ability to function as necessary in his day to day life. Recently I made a post that mentioned my son and droves of commenters demanded he be reevaluated. They cited as evidence something called "justice sensitivity", his love for music, animals and the outdoors, his habit of interrupting and his habit of constantly talking. I mentioned that he had been evaluated and the psychologist had said he isn't autistic, but I was told sometimes teens are easier to diagnose. I don't think he is autistic, mainly because a specialist said he isn't, but I also have other reasons. He understands sarcasm perfectly well and has no trouble identifying emotions from facial expressions and tone. He has a lot of friends and is good at interacting with people, even strangers. He is not sensitive to stressful stimuli like loud noises or unpleasant textures. He is not obsessed with routine. The commenters are convinced my son is autistic, so I thought I would come to a subreddit more specific to that issue for a different take. The thing is, I don't want to have my son reevaluated. I think he would interpret that as me saying there is something wrong with him, which there isn't. He's a very normal teenage boy. If he was autistic I would want him diagnosed, but I really don't think he is. I appreciate any insight anyone is willing to share. Editor’s/compiler’s note:A similar post was made to r/medical_advice, I will be omitting this due to it basically being a less-detailed version of this one.   My wife lied to me, and I don't know who she is anymore. - December 11, 2025 I should probably stop posting online. It's, in all likelihood, an unhealthy coping mechanism. The thing is, this has become the only place I can speak freely. In my real life I have to be so careful with every word I say. I just need to say one more thing, to get this off my chest and then be done. It wasn't always like this. Most of this story is a romance. I met my wife in college. I liked her immediately. She was beautiful, of course. She was funny and smart, naturally. The thing that made me attracted to her, that made we want her, was that she was sharp. I have always loved sharpness in women. I was sharp myself back then. We sharpened each other. We were the couple that sat in the back of every room, with our noses turned up, judging everyone, whispering comments just loud enough to be heard and just cutting enough to hurt. We thought we were so smart and sophisticated. Our tastes were the most refined, and we didn't think anything was uglier than a rounded edge. When I first asked her out she told me we wouldn't work because her father wouldn't approve. I didn't care about her father. I cared about her. The more time we spent together the more I loved her. Her father's first words to me, even before hello, were that I wasn't good enough for his daughter. He refused to come to our wedding, but the day after he gave my wife 20k for a down payment because no daughter of his was going to be a renter. I never liked him, but I was amused by him. I thought of him as my wife and I's private joke. He was so ineffectual against our love. When he saw our first baby he said "he looks like his father" and I was such a puffed up peacock, high on my own virility. I was too proud of my strong seed, my overpowering genes, to see that for what it was, a condemnation. When I held my firstborn for the first time, the world felt different. I felt different. I felt silly and immature. I began to understand the utility of the rounded edge. I saw how unimportant my high-minded philosophy was. Babies don't care how clever you are. They eat, cry and poop, and they are the most important thing you'll ever do. I softened up. I began to understand my parents. I always adored my mother, while also look down on her. Her politics were boring, her philosophy uninspired, her religion sentimental. When I held my baby I understood my mother like I never had before. She was soft, not sharp, and that was what my child needed from me, a soft place to land, not a razor's edge. We managed to adjust to every change in our lives. We always found our equilibrium. About a year ago that slipped away. Our toddler was struggling with potty training, and he had the occasional bad bout of diarrhea. Our daughter began to dip below average at school. Our oldest became the worst thing a person can be, annoying. We, who had once prided ourselves in our cleverness, were being outsmarted by a pedantic twelve year old. "You didn't say I could only spent $20. You said I couldn't buy anything over $20. Each of these twenty things are $5," type nonsense. It was the grandparent's revenge, right? Oh, that's the kind of little asshole I used to be. I see why some people hated me. But he's a good kid. He doesn't steal, hit, curse or lie. He argued, he talked too much and he complained, but isn't that all a symptom of cleverness? He was too much like us. However he was also nothing like us, this child we created, but isn't that good? Don't we want our children to be individuals? Yes, the arguing and interrupting had to be curbed, but we worked on it. He improved. He started to mature. Life was a struggle, but he wasn't the struggle. This parenting thing is hard. My wife cracked. It happens. We've all been there. Our son corrected a mistake she made, and she was embarrassed. She screamed at him to shut up. I asked her to apologize, because he didn't deserve that. She shut down. She told me that she was overwhelmed. I get it. I'm overwhelmed too. I think I've been overwhelmed for a long time and just refused to acknowledge it. I told her to take a break. She took a break. My wife, who I have always trusted, lied to me. She said she quit her job. That was a lie. She did not quit. She was suspended, and she will likely be fired on Friday or possibly next week. She has been telling me all year that her coworkers are incompetent and she is the only one doing her job correctly. In actuality, she has been in a performance improvement plan for months. Why was she suspended? She was telling a coworker that he needed to finish something by the end of the month to keep them on track for a February third deadline. He interrupted her to tell her the deadline was March second. She screamed at him to shut up and not interrupt her. She did the same thing to her coworker she did to our son. The only difference is our household doesn't have an HR department. She lied to me. Is that what I should be hung up on? Probably not. Here's what's killing me. Here's what I can't say in real life, to anyone, so I'll tell you. I always thought she was sharp, and I loved that. I thought I was so sophisticated for recognizing her elegance and worth. I felt special for loving her. But maybe she isn't sharp. Maybe she's just thin-skinned and irritable. Yeah, she lied to me, but maybe I lied to myself first.   Update: My wife finally apologized, but I already lost some of my respect for her.-December 16, 2025 I'm still getting notifications asking questions about certain things, so here's an update to clear everything up. Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pg8ss5/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/ Initial update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1phfg45/update_aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/?sort=top TL;DR: Our 13yo corrected my wife when she got a math problem wrong. My wife screamed at him to shut up. I asked her to apologize, and she didn't talk to either of us for three days. At that point I demanded she talk to me, and we had a fight where she blamed our 13yo for everything. She took our four year old and went to stay at a hotel last Sunday night. I retrieved our four year old at his doctor's appointment the next day. She stayed at the hotel alone Monday & Tuesday night. Wednesday she told me she quit her job. She did not quit her job. A concerned coworker of hers reached out and revealed the truth. She was suspended for yelling at a coworker to shut up. She picked the kids up from school + daycare Wednesday. After they were asleep I confronted her. We fought, and she went to stay with my sister. With my sister's influence, she called her boss and managed to work out a compromise where she won't be fired and can have some mental health leave. She didn't see the kids all weekend, even when my sister picked them up Sunday to take them to a party. She is back home now. So here's where the update starts. Update: I had our 13yo evaluated by a child psychologist like so many redditors suggested. If you learn anything from my experience, learn not to take medical advice from reddit. Our son is not autistic and does not have ADD. The psychologist said the only thing he comes close to meeting the diagnostic criteria for is anxiety, but based on their discussion and the paperwork I filled out, she's confident those symptoms come from external stressors, not an anxiety disorder. My wife came home after work, and when our son arrived home from his friend's house, she did apologize to him. He forgave her, and they hugged it out, but it was an awkward interaction. Afterwards he want outside to play with his new harmonica. My daughter doesn't have a learning disability. I talked to her teacher. Her math skills are average for her age group according to the teacher. The teacher suggested that if she is struggling to do the math work at home it is because she feels pressured. I ended up telling her that she can do the work in whatever timeframe she wants, and she can have her brother check it for her, so neither her mother nor I will know if she made a mistake. She seems happy with this new arrangement. I think my wife and I were too critical in our eagerness to encourage her to work hard and do well, and I accept culpability for that. Our four year old is allergic to soy. Since I stopped feeding him anything with soy in it he hasn't vomited once. He will soon be reintroduced to soy in very small doses to acclimate him. He is doing much better, and this has relieved a huge source of stress. As for my wife, as I said, she apologized to our son. She said talking to my sister helped a lot. She told me the reason she has been so overwhelmed and she lashed out was the realization that we aren't going to have another kid and the three we have are it. She said she is worried that our kids are spoiled and soft. She said she wants our kids to bypass their peers, and she doesn't see that happening right now because they are too undisciplined and unmotivated. She said sone of her dad's parenting might be what they need. I told her I would never be okay with that, and that would be a deal breaker for me. I also told her I don't see how anxiety about the kids caused her to lash out at work. I said that I think she is frustrated by the fact that she can't control people. She said that's unfair, and I apologized but also said I think that an issue similar to what I said is the likely culprit. We agreed to a compromise where she tries to relax until she leaves for her trip with my sister. If she feels she is getting stressed out, she will leave for as long as needed. We will talk about parenting strategies again after she gets back. I have hired a lawyer and didn't tell her. If she again tries to insist that we go full authoritarian on the kids I will raise the possibility of divorce. I love my wife, but I owe it to my kids to put them first.   Update: My wife isn't coming home. - December 30, 2025 https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pg8ss5/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/ Link to the original post above. I made other posts. They're on my profile. Someone compiled them all on a different subreddit. Listen, I just need to vent. My wife is on vacation with my sister after a mini mental breakdown. She just WhatsApped me that she isn't coming back. She said she needs to make some changes, and the New Year is the perfect time. She told me that a start-up working on a cause she is passionate about is looking for someone in her field. She's taking the job and moving to the opposite coast. Shock doesn't feel like the right word. It doesn't feel big enough. She wanted to stress that she isn't leaving me, that she just needs to pursue her passion. She said if this startup takes off we call all move to where she is going and resettle and get a fresh start. She also said that this new job is closer to the clinic our son's pediatrician recommended for his allergy treatment. I started to argue with her, but then I deleted the message. We're doing okay without her, as awful as that sounds. Maybe she needs this. I looked into this startup. I don't think it will take off. But maybe she just needs a break from us to recenter herself. So I told her I love her, that I believe in her and that I'm proud of her for following her dreams. What else could I say? My sister is pissed at her for abandoning us, and this has pretty much ruined their trip. I think I should feel bad about that, but I'm too burnt out. 2026. It's going to be a year.   Update: What happened while my wife was overseas. - January 4, 2025 https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pg8ss5/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/ That was the original post. We're well past that. I have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow to file for divorce. In my last update I told people that my wife wasn't coming home, but I still think I can fix things if I give her space. I no longer believe that. Several of you (most of you not very nicely) told me she had abandoned our family. I didn't want to believe it, but you are right. I picked my sister up from the airport this morning, and we had a long conversation where she filled in details. When my wife, her sister, my sister and her wife got to the resort everything was fine at first. It didn't take long for my wife's sister to show her ass though. She called my sister a (slur that rhymes with bike) (other slur that rhymes with bike). She called my sister's wife a (stick with p instead of t) (that second bike slur). (Editor’s note:as there was some confusion in the last BORU,the first bike slur is an Antisemitic slur, as OOP’s family is Jewish, the second bike slur is a homophobic slur, and the stick slur is a racial slur against Hispanics) So that caused a huge fight. My wife cursed out her sister (rightfully!) and moved into the room my sister was sharing with her wife to get away from her sister. My wife told my sister more about the situation with the kids. She said she feels like she failed our oldest and he is completely beyond help. She said he is so disrespectful and obnoxious and she doesn't understand how she let it get to this point. Our son, by the way, made his little siblings breakfast and played monopoly with them while I was up crazy early picking my sister and her wife up from the airport. Evil child, clearly. My sister told my wife our oldest is just a teenager and that she is attaching significance to really insignificant things. My sister said teenagers are all annoying, but it isn't the end of the world. My wife said her dad wouldn't put up with that kind of behavior. My sister pointed out that her dad raised her sister, who goes around calling people slurs. My wife said that was her husband's influence, which, whatever. My wife also said she thinks our daughter is stupid. My sister was shocked to hear that. Our daughter's academic performance at school is average. Most kids are average. That's what average means. She isn't stupid. She's normal. My wife talked about a startup in California an old classmate of hers is going to work for. They do work she really believes in. She said she wanted to move to California to work for them and also so our youngest will be closer to a particular allergy clinic. My sister tried to tell her that is all crazy, but that didn't work, since my wife is currently on her way to California. Or maybe she already landed. I'm not sure. My sister is angry with my wife and doesn't ever want to talk to her again. They have always been close friends, so that really brought home to me how insane her behavior is. My sister thinks she is lying about having the job too. She thinks my wife is planning to apply in California and that no job offer has been made yet. I wouldn't believe that if not for her previous lie about her current job. To protect myself I opened a new bank account and switched my direct deposit. I also prepaid a lot of things that get paid from the joint account so she can't drain it and leave us in a bad spot. I opened a new account specifically for the mortgage, transferred six payments into it and put that on autopay. I won't use it for anything else. I bought a bunch of gift cards from the grocery store we use as well, so if she does drain the account we'll be able to buy food. I prepaid the daycare and school fees and activity fees for the kids as far as possible. I paid off and closed our joint cards. She still has her personal cards, and I still have mine. This is going to be messy as hell, and I am not looking forward to it. The worst thing is that the kids are sad their mom isn't coming home. Of course I didn't tell them what she said about them. Our oldest thinks she went to California to hang out with other cool people because we aren't cool enough for her. I told him that isn't true, but he doesn't believe me. I'm just devastated by all this. The person I'm supposed to be able to rely on abandoned me.   ***New update*** Update:I have full custody of the children-Jan 25,2026 https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pg8ss5/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/ My wife and I are not getting divorced at this time, but I do have full custody of the children. My wife flew back for court. She fought only for our younger two children. The judge asked her why she didn't want our oldest. She said he had behavioral problems. The judge didn't believe her because she had no proof. I was given full physical custody of the children. Legal custody is shared. She returned to California after the hearing. She cannot come back and take the kids. This is a huge relief. Whatever she does or doesn't do in California I'm not really concerned with at this point. Even though we haven't started the divorce process, we have both decided to open up our relationship, since she has no idea if or when she will come back and I told her I'm not willing to move to California. She assured me her birth control is intact, so if she finds a partner she can't get pregnant. I believe her. I've started reaching out to friends for suggestions of women my age or older that might be interested. I'm focused on the kids, but if something happens, that would be great. I really miss my wife, even after everything. We tried to make plans to get together before court, but I wasn't comfortable having her at the house, and I couldn't leave the kids alone to visit her. She suggested I have our oldest babysit, but that seemed like too much pressure on him with everything going on. That's when we made the decision to open the relationship. Part of me hopes that after seeing what else is out there it will make her want to come home, but realistically I know this is the beginning of the end. *Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. submitted by /u/J_S_M_K to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I manually filled out this table with what I spend my time with between 2024. Nov. 10. and 2025. Dec. 31. I saw others do it on here on Reddit and wanted to give it a go myself. One of the reasons I did it was because this was my last year of being a university student, from this year onward I will join the working adult population. Until now, my lifestyle could be described as 'terminally online', I'm the typical cellar dwelling discord moderator type. I wanted to erect this spreadsheet as a memorial and perhaps a period-document to this lifestyle that I now have to part ways with. I am only posting it now, a month after the project has ended, because I was busy in January with my final exam. The diagrams on the third panel only include data from days in 2025. I gladly answer any question in the comments but I'm adding a FAQ here based on a previous post: How much time did it take to make this? - It took around 3-4 hours to set up the spreadsheet with the functions and colours and stuff, I made minor edits later, which took probably an additional 2-3 hours. On a daily basis, entering the actual data took less than 2 minutes in total. To get it in tip-top shape for posting in the end, it took another 8 hours. Working on this project is classified under category Ga (personal projects). How often did I enter data? - When I was near my computer, I sometimes entered them every 30 minutes, but more often in small bunches. When I wasn't near my computer, which for me is quite rare, I just remembered everything I did until I could enter it again. Was this difficult to do? - Not really, the difficult part is constantly being aware of the time and what I am doing and remembering it for hours. The habit itself is easy to pick up but comes with a non-zero constant mental weight. Near the end of it, I grew quite tired of it and wished I could 'take a day off' here and there, so I'm glad it's finally over. I might do it again another year in the future. Am I autistic, neurodivergent, or otherwise mentally ill? - Maybe, possibly, not diagnosed though. I am actually doing fine now. Where do I live? - A village in rural Hungary. What did I learn from this, would I do something differently? - I expected the result to be bleaker, I'm actually not doing that bad. I will make changes going forward obviously, and this is largely because I have no choice to do otherwise. I will have a job now (hopefully) and it will govern most of my routine, I will have to do with as much free time as I have left, which I hope to spend with the things that bring me the most joy. Is a template for this available for people who want to try doing this too? - Yes, I've made a blank template that I'll send to anyone who asks for it in private messages. submitted by /u/tamarissz to r/dataisbeautiful [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is still jessibook. She posted in r/EntitledPeople Thanks to u/Skilier_IGuess, u/TheKittenPatrol, u/everythinghurtsat47 and u/Luv_u_a_latte who let me know about the new update. Previous BORU here. New Update marked with ****\* Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest. update is 7 days old. This is a long post. Trigger Warnings: discussions of abuse; discussions of infidelity; drugs; animal abandonment Mood Spoiler: sad but OOP will be ok Cat Spoiler: Alvin the cat is currently ok, but things aren't 100% resolved Original Post: January 16, 2026 I was away from my home for a month for a planned surgery plus recovery. This was a very intensive surgery. I'm six weeks out right now and I can still barely walk. At the last minute, my hired pet sitter cancelled on me and I was desperate to find a replacement. I offered that money to a friend who was having housing difficulties. She was to take care of my house and pets. I let her stay in my home while I was gone, and I even bought $300 worth of groceries for her. The agreement was for her to take care of my kittens and fish and to have the house tidied up before I got home. My car would be there in case of an emergency, but otherwise please avoid driving it; it's a lease and I have an allotment of miles I can drive before I have to pay extra. After I was admitted into the hospital, she moved her own cat in, and also her boyfriend in. When I got home, my house was an absolute disaster. Dishes piled up in the sink (took me four loads to clear), dishes and leftover food scattered around the house, cat vomit left to dry on the floor, bags of cat litter clumps in the hallway, half full trash bags left in the entry way, stains on the couch, floors and counters filthy. There was a 3 foot circle of wood ash on the floor around the fireplace. They used up about 80% of my winter wood pile, so now I don't have enough wood to last me the rest of the winter. So here I am, post surgery and barely able to walk, scrubbing the floors, doing dishes, taking out the trash, sweeping and mopping and vacuuming. But there's only so much I can physically do before I'm in massive pain. Well, you guessed it - I have been in massive pain every night since that first night doing too much trying to clean up after her. It hasn't even been a week. She tried to negotiate with me to stay at my house for several more weeks or longer, "to help with the kids and take care of you." No. Not a chance. But I'm so weak right now that I had to play it as tactfully as I could. What resulted was her staying an extra two days, her useless boyfriend sitting on my couch, eating my food, watching me clean up and not offering to help. She, at least, cooked food for me the next day. I called my two besties, a married couple, and asked them to come by to ensure these two left my house when the Lyft arrived to take them home. I told them hours beforehand to pack up and be ready to leave. They waited until ten minutes prior to finally start packing, and the Lyft driver had to wait a half hour for them. As they were leaving, the boyfriend was questioning my friend and asking him how long they were staying. He grey rocked with excellence. The boyfriend was all, "I'm just concerned about her and want to make sure she has the help she needs. And I'll be back to help out as much as I can." That asshole did absolutely nothing to help and made everything harder on me! As soon as they were gone, my real friends sent me to bed and helped clean up my kitchen and living room. My kids also helped out. Even with that, I would still end up having to spend time over the next several days cleaning up after them. I still haven't tried to remove the couch stains, but at least my son vacuumed all the crumbs and such out of the cushions and cleaned up the fireplace. And then, I discovered my car. I had given her permission for two non-emergency trips into the city, about 30 miles away. She also admitted to using my car "a little bit" while I was gone. I was too weak to make a fuss of it. Well, it turns out they drove my car over 1100 miles! These parasites took absolute advantage of me while I was at my weakest. So today, I sent a text requesting they pay me 30¢ per mile of unauthorized use, which adds up to $255. I'll either get some money back for my troubles, or I'll scare them away so badly that I'll never have to see them or deal with them again. Either way, it's a win. Some of OOP's Comments: dilligaf_84: Jeeeeezzzzusssss! I’m so sorry this happened to you OP! OOP: Thank you. It's hard for me to enforce boundaries even when I'm at my best, but I'm trying to get better. I've been learning and practicing ever since I divorced my cheating ex. RatedPG922: Why in God's name didn't you ask your two "besties" right from the get go? Why did you ask some scumbag friend? OOP: Yeah. They asked me the same thing. I was stressed and panicking and didn't think they'd be available with their jobs, especially since I live a good 45 minute drive from them. I figured it was easier to help a friend in need than to impose upon them. I suffered for my choice. NutAli: How old are your children, and where were they when these slobs were at your house? OOP: Elementary school age. I have 50/50 custody of them, so they stayed with my ex while I was gone. Why couldn't ex help: My ex is a cheater and a liar and deeply hurt me with the multiple affairs. I would really really prefer not to have to rely on my ex for anything other than what is strictly necessary regarding the children. xCyn1cal0wlx: Are the fish ok? OOP: Fish are doing well. Oh! And my water filter broke the night before I left and I had to spend another $70 on a new one! 😭 I'm just glad the pet store was still open when it happened. Valuable-Job-7956: Is your cat ok OOP: Kittens are doing well! Happy, healthy, well socialized. At least she took care of them well. People aren't all bad, and as much as she and her bf used me, at least my pets were taken care of. (I'm forever the "silver linings" girl) fandomnightmare: I'm so sorry this happened to you when you were just trying to help out a friend, even at a time when you needed the most help yourself. Though we all of course need to be discerning, please don't lose your beautiful kindness over this. I hope your surgery went well, please take the best care of yourself and allow yourself to rest ❤️ (Saying that last party because I messed up my own C-section scar two weeks after I had my baby by cleaning and walking, and I'm guessing you had something at least as invasive if not more so to contend with.) OOP: Thank you, hunny. It's been a little rough having to both clean up after my "help" and also take care of the kids. Fortunately, my older two have been incredibly helpful. And I've been feeding them with the slow cooker; super easy meals that last for days. A girlfriend stopped by on Wednesday to take me to the pharmacy and go grocery shopping for me. Then she spent the evening playing with my kids, helping with homework, and even made dinner for us. She was amazing. And I hired a nanny yesterday, and she's starting Monday to take the kids to school for me, and help me around the house a bit. I'm just going to have to bleed money for a little while. To a longer Comment: I love your advice. Thank you so much. I do have external cameras. I've been meaning to get internal ones for common areas, but there's only so much I can afford at once and right now all my funds are going towards divorce and medical care. Once my divorce is finalized, I'll be spending funds on a restraining order against my abusive parents. I do have quite a few friends who have simce offered genuine help, just most of them live far from me. They were just unavailable at the moment I needed them. When my hired help fell through, I was desperate to find someone. And I was too stressed to think of all my options. Anything stolen? I was so scared my medicine would have been taken that it was the first thing I looked through. Fortunately, the only valuable jewelry I have I wear (my ex never bought me jewelry; they're all pieces I bought myself after the divorce). I still have to check out the garage and see if things are where they're supposed to be. And yes, searching the house for anything illegal is definitely something I should do. It's just hard to do everything while recovering from surgery. I move slow, I'm in a lot of pain, and there's always something that needs to get done - including bed rest. Comment next morning: brownzeus: Something like this, you need to go nuclear and publicly shame them on instagram or Facebook, or even any active group chat. It's shitty behavior, and very sus the boyfriend said he wanted to come back to continue helping. People need to be warned of parasites like these or they will continue taking advantage of people. OOP: I did. It got worse last night and I ended up sharing it all within a specific tight knit community that will spread the local word. Update Post: January 17, 2026 (Next Day) Editor's note: OOP has posted over the last several months about her cutting off her parents, her divorce, the affairs her ex had and the abuse she suffered. I didn't include those posts here because they weren't specifically relevant to THIS post, but wanted to make a note that OOP's words and explanations in this post are backed up by her other posts] Original post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/s/tGhSl4mOkp I didn't expect an update to happen so quickly. Honestly I didn't expect an update at all. You may call me naive. You're probably right. I just always try to see the best in people and hope they choose to be good. It's time to use some names. Her name is Raven. I don't know if it's her real name, but that's what she introduced herself to me as and that's how I know her. Her boyfriend is Angelo. The cat's name is Alvin (he's a sweetheart). A bit of background on me. I grew up in an abusive household. One of those "never rock the boat" homes where image was more important than anything else. If someone harmed me, hurt me, insulted me, anything, and I got upset, I was forced to apologize to them. My dad is also an explosive man. He was fine most of the time, except for the times when he wasn't. When I was 18 he strangled me. I fled to the army. Got away for four years. Sent to war and got PTSD. My dad has only assaulted me a few times since, over the years; the most recent was last June. The time before was last Feb, and he left bruises on me. I ended up marrying an emotionally unavailable person who would later become a serial cheater and blame me for the affairs. For years I accepted that blame, tried to change myself and make myself better so they wouldn't cheat anymore. I finally filed for divorce at the end of 2024. When I called my mom for support, she took the side of my ex, downplayed the affairs, and told me to cancel the divorce and beg my ex back "for the sake of the kids." It took me a long time to be able to admit to myself that none of this was my fault, and most of that was just this past year while I have been in therapy. Despite everything that happened, I always blamed myself, not them. I tried over and over to explain to them how they harmed me. It never worked. It's not my fault that I have been abused. But it is my responsibility to take ownership of my healing. Fault is past focused, responsibility is future focused. We learn from the past, but we focus on the future. I am now estranged from my parents as of three months ago. My mom does not respect that and keeps trying to find ways to contact me, including showing up at my house unannounced. My dad has been shit talking about me to anyone he can. He battered my ex, threatened to sue us both for grandparents rights. As soon as my divorce is signed by the judge and finalized, I'll be talking to a lawyer about getting a restraining order against my parents. All that is to explain what happened between me and Raven and why it was so hard for me to kick her out. Not only am I bad at boundaries in general, but also with major surgery I'm in a severely weakened state as I slowly recover. I'm so thankful for my best friends for coming in to help me. I say all this to preface what happened last night. I am too nice. I know I am. But it's not something I want to let go. People do take advantage of me sometimes. I know. It's a risk of being kind, but I refuse to let my kindness go. I want to live in a world with kindness, and that always starts with yourself. I don't want to grow into a bitter old hag. Despite posting my story only yesterday, the events took place last weekend. I returned home from surgery last Friday, and it took me until Sunday to actually get Raven and Angelo out of my house. I couldn't have done it without my two best friends, who helped enforce it for me. Even then they left behind several things. Some clothes, her prescription medicine, her cat, etc. This was likely so they could worm their way back into my home, though I didn't realize it at the time. Then I spent all week taking care of my kids and slowly trying to clean house. Yesterday was custody exchange day, so now I finally have some time to just relax and recover. Yesterday I also ran out of pain meds. I've been desperately trying to get more all week, but my surgeon is unavailable, my primary care physician is out of office, my gynecologist never called me back... Finally I just went to the ER for pain management. The doctor and staff there were wonderful, but it still took a total of seven hours. I didn't get home until after 9 pm. At 11:45 pm, I got a phone call from a local number I didn't recognize. I answered. It was Raven. She was in tears. She said the house she was staying at ended up being a meth house and they were trying to kill each other and she was scared and i was the only person she knew and she needed me to come get her. I told her I can't. I can't get her, I can't drive that much, I just got out of the ER, I'm on pain meds that make it so I can't drive, I'm not going to put myself around druggies especially in my current state, and I can't bring her back to my home. I need my home to be for me. Her attitude immediately shifted. The crying immediately stopped, the pitch of her voice dropped, and she said something about, "Fine. I get it. I'll figure it out. It's not your problem." She hung up. I don't remember exactly as my pain meds make my head fuzzy. After that, she texted me. I'll copy and paste the response, as this sub doesn't let me post pics and I can't share the screenshots. Raven: "I'm sorry I asked. And also you can tell me, are we not friends anymore, did I do something really bad?" Me: "Call 911. You're in danger and so is everyone around you. Get the police to arrest them and get you to safety." Raven: "I already did." Me: "Good" Raven: "I don't know what to do anymore. The cops are here but they won't help. It looks like the cops left doing nothin in the process. I'm sorry. It's ok, I'll figure out something." At this point, I wrote a long message about how I can't have her back. However, I took a lot of the advice given to me on my last post - especially the criticism calling me a doormat, calling me naive, and saying this was my fault for being too kind. So I copied what I wrote into an AI and had it rewrite it for me so I could better enforce boundaries. Here's what I originally wrote but didn't send: "You have to figure that out for yourself. I am not your rescuer. I have my own health to take care of and my own children. Besides, I have given you a lot already and you abused that. You left my house in shambles. It's taken me all week to clean up after your stay, and there's still more to do. I've torn stitches trying to make my home safe for my kids. I'm not safe around you and angelo. He especially scares me; I'm fairly certain he's an addict. For the time being, you're not welcome at my home. If you show up, I will call the cops. Ditch that man, get stability in your life and I may reconsider. For now, Alvin will be well taken care of." Here's what I actually posted with the help of the AI: "I’m really sorry you’re in a frightening situation. I’m not able to help beyond encouraging you to work with emergency services and local resources. I need to be clear that I cannot be your rescuer, and I cannot take on crisis support, transportation, or housing. I’m recovering from surgery and need to focus on my health and my children. Due to what happened during your stay, including the condition my home was left in and the negative impact on my recovery from it, you and Angelo are not welcome at my home going forward. This boundary is firm. If you show up here, I will call the police. Alvin will be cared for. I wish you safety, but I can’t be involved beyond this." Raven: "So the stuff I left I can't get back? Not even my cat?" Me (again with AI help): "Please send me a list of the personal items you want returned and an address where they can be shipped. I’m not able to arrange in-person pickup. For Alvin, I will coordinate a drop-off at a vet or shelter, and you can retrieve him from there. If you have a preferred vet, please let me know. Otherwise, I’ll select one." Raven: "The stuff I don't care about, can you please just drop my cat off, that I can get him. And I'm sorry that I didn't take care of the house well enough, just please don't throw my cat away. Can you just drop him off at [local vet] like on Monday? Whatever time I'll be there, just don't take my cat away from me." And that's it. I spent the rest of the night so scared they would show up to my house anyways. I already have PTSD from the army which leaves me super paranoid that people are going to attack me and harm me. So whenever conflict comes up, I end up spiraling and panicking about it, imagining scenarios over and over. Fortunately my anxiety meds help. I locked all my doors and windows. I eventually fell asleep at 1 am. I've been up since 5. On Monday, I plan to ask a friend to come with me to drop the cat off. And then after I leave I will inform her that she can get him. And if she can't, well, it's not my problem. As for me, today I have some different friends dropping by to cook me dinner and help clean my house some more. I have also asked them to help me change the locks, thanks to all the advice I received in my last post. Hopefully this is the end of it. I really just want to be able to recover in peace. Edit: To answer some of the same questions that keep coming up: Yes, I have cameras. Yes, I am changing the locks, but I haven't been able to do so yet. I didn't get home from the emergency room last night until 9 pm, and I'm not in a position where I can keep running errands all day. I went to the grocery store this morning, and that took about everything I have out of me. I have friends coming tonight to help. Yes, I have a credit monitoring subscription set up and I will be going through that when I have the time and energy. There's only so much I can do in a day before my body shuts down. Recovery from major surgery is absolutely exhausting. No, I will not keep Alvin. I do not want to have anything that will invite Raven back into my home. For all of you saying I need to keep him - I welcome you to take him for yourself and subsequently invite Raven into your lives. Then you can deal with all this and I can recover in peace. I'll let you know what location I drop him off at, and you can go pick him up before she does. If she does at all. Some of OOP's Comments: ArtisticLicence: OMG. Sounds like a Raven I know. Do you live in the Sunshine State? This is what AI is good for. Helping to reword stuff. OOP: I'm on the other coast! California girl. The cat: I feel bad for the cat, but I don't legally own him and I cannot put myself in a position where she will try to use him as leverage against me or to reenter my life. Editor's note: Including this comment because I figured some people may have had a similar question. OOP is open about being a trans woman on her page and has chronicled her journey. perpetuallyxhausted: You should be proud of how you've handled this OP! Lesson to learn going forward though? Don't let people stay unsupervised in your home if you don't even know their real name. OOP: Thank you! 💜 It's super common in my community for people to use a chosen name. I have one as well. Jessica is my chosen name. I don't tell people my legal name. New Update: *****Update Post 2: January 26, 2026 (9 days later)****\* Title: UPDATE: My "friend" took advantage of me when I was in the hospital. Part 3: Feline Adventures. It's been over a week. A rough week. I need more bed rest, post surgery. That's what everyone tells me. They all say I do too much. But with four kids and a house to maintain, it's hard. Especially with all this crap with Raven. I've torn my stitches twice. Been to the ER once. And have been surviving on pain meds. Most nights I cry myself to sleep because the pain is so intense. Meanwhile, in the midst of all this, my dryer broke! Of fucking course it did. New ones are expensive, especially ones big enough for my family. I'm in no position to pick them up or install them myself. So I paid the extra fees to have them delivered, installed, and the old ones taken away. Turns out Home Depot refuses to install propane dryers (wish they said that when I purchased it). They only installed the new washer and took away the old one. They left the new dryer, unhooked, right next to the old broken one, still hooked up. I had to hide a different company to come out to install the new dryer; but apparently the propane adapter was with the box and home depot took the box with them. So they had to leave to go purchase a new one. They said they'd be back tomorrow. Four days I've been without being able to do laundry and my kids rack up a lot of dirty clothes, between school and sports and playing "real life Minecraft" out on the hillside. Sigh. But hey, at least they're playing outdoors. And they've found some pretty rocks. Anyways, last weekend I went through the house and the garage and found all of Raven's crap she left. I didn't even know she had stuff in my garage (the audacity of trying to store stuff in my garage without asking or informing me), until she asked me for the tent and two sleeping bags she left, which suggests exactly what we all suspected - she's actually truly homeless and lied to me about having a place to stay. I knew she was having housing trouble, but she always said she was staying with a friend or at a relative's house. I also found some clothes she left behind, and some prescription medication in her name. I sent her a text informing her of all this and to have a place for me to take Alvin, since she was demanding her cat back instead of letting me care for him, despite her inability to properly care for him. I told her I would not meet her in person, and requested a vet or shelter so I could drop him off and she could pick him up. She gave me the name of a clinic. Not an animal clinic. A normal one. For people. I can't drop an animal off there, which means she was trying to get me to be there in person. Likely so she could try to manipulate me and take advantage of my poor boundary skills (my therapist helpfully pointed this out to me). Still, on Saturday, the ever self-sacrificing me drove aaalll the way to the city, 35 miles away, to drop off Alvin at a shelter near her so she could get him. They refused, but only because I don't live in that county. They said I'd have to take him to the shelter in my county. So I drove home, and on the way back Alvin clawed his way out of the cardboard cat carrier Raven left behind. He spent the rest of the trip alternating between standing on my dash watching the road, and jumping into the backseat. In total I drove 80 miles that day. Normally that's not a big deal, but my current medical condition doesn't allow me to sit upright for long, and I was in massive pain for the rest of the day. On Sunday, a friend pointed out that Uber and Lyft do courier services. I can hire them to deliver things so I don't have to drive. This is perfect, as I can deliver all her crap to her. I informed Raven of this, and asked for a time and location for dropoff. She said she'd get back to me by the end of the week. Well, girly, it's been a week. Today is Sunday again. I didn't hear a damn word from her. Tonight is also trash pickup night for me, which is where all her stuff went. Except for the tent and sleeping bags, as those are brand new and unopened. As such, they'll go to good will on my next trip out there. Meanwhile, the cats had an adventure! As I was returning from taking out tonight's trash to the end of the road (pickup is about a quarter mile from my home), I noticed the side door of my house was open. My kittens are indoor cats for now, as they're too small for country living lest a hawk or owl take them. And I've been keeping Alvin indoors in case I had to return him. I put all four kids to work finding the cats. We found one kitten under my bed, but Alvin and the other kitten were MIA. I pulled up the security footage and had my daughter go through the history. Meanwhile the other three I sent searching in all the hiding nooks. Well, it turns out Alvin is rather clever and opened the door himself! Ten minutes later, the braver of the two kittens discovered the open door. He went out, sat for a moment, then went back in. Five minutes later he went out again. As we were searching, Alvin decided to get into a fight! Cat yowls let us figure out exactly where he was. My oldest ran out, scared the other cat off, and managed to get Alvin back inside. The kitten we eventually found under the side deck, hiding about five feet away from the side door. My six year old decided to be the bravest little boy ever and crawled under the deck, in the dark, to rescue him. With all cats back inside, I declared it was bedtime (to many groans and complaints) and eventually tucked everyone in. Despite the adventure, all kids were asleep within 20 minutes of lying down. As I write this, Alvin hasn't left my bed, and the kittens are sleeping on the cat tree. I think in a few weeks, after I'm more healed, I'll take Alvin into the vet to get him checked up and see if he's tagged. If not, I'll see about adopting him. If I can't, I know of a no kill shelter not far from here where he can go, and then I'll adopt a different cat in his place. Here's hoping I never have to update again, and Raven stays out of my life for good. submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not the OP. That is u/Tanclan. Originally posted to r/Parenting. Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 years old. Trigger Warning: ableism My 5th grader is being told he can't go on the end of the year field trip because he couldn't find friends to share a room with. There are others rooms available. Should we fight this or drop it? (March 7, 2019) My 5th grader is on the high functioning end of the autism spectrum. This is his second year in the gifted and talented program and he loves it. He has made 3 quirky friends, which may not sound like a big deal but his birthday parties from kindergarten through 3rd grade were family only because he knew no one would come. The 5th grade has a field trip every year. It's 3 days away doing fun activities like ziplining, rock climbing, hiking, and things of that nature. My son wasn't sure about going at first because new things make him nervous but my older kids convinced him to go and he's excited about it. He went to all of the meetings and the last meeting was where they had to finalize their groups. They sleep in a cabin and there are 4 boys to a room with two bunkbeds. You can have 3 but aren't allowed less than 3 or more than 4. None of my son's friends are going on the trip because of other issues (one has sensory issues and hates the outdoors, another has autism and OCD, and the other has a mom who doesn't feel comfortable with her son going if she can't chaperone because he has meltdowns) but my son put himself out there and found a group. Two of the three boys are friends with my older son because they have played flag football and baseball together, so it was probably a pity invite but my son didn't care. He had a room with kids he knew would be nice to him because of his brother. During the meeting these two boys told my son that he couldn't be in their room anymore because the 3rd kids best friend decided to join their group instead. My son said "okay" and searched for other groups. When he couldn't find one he told the coordinators that he didn't have a group and they called up the kids who only had 3 people in their groups. There were 2 groups of boys that only had 3 people and all 6 of the boys said they didn't want to share with my son. From what my son says the teacher tried to convince them but they all said that he was weird and they didn't want him in their rooms. My son was told that he can not attend this trip because he does not have a group to room with even though their are two beds on the boys side not being used. There is room but those boys don't want to share with him. My son suggested sleeping in a sleeping bag in the room of the two boys who invited him to join their group originally but was told that wasn't allowed because the maximum is 4 to a room. My son is extremely disappointed. He is such a shy kid and for him to find a group, get kicked out, go searching for another group, tell the coordinators that he didn't have a group, get turned down by 6 boys who all said he was weird, try to come up with another solution, and continuously get rejected showed a lot from him. In the past he would have just left the room when it became overwhelming but he wants this bad and was willing to fight for it. I want this for him. It's a trip that my older two kids still talk about and I know he would enjoy it. He had a group and planned ahead. He was told last minute that his group dropped him in favor of another kid who came in last minute. Their are spaces available and we already paid. The school offered a full refund. Should I just take the refund and shut up? I know this may not seem like a big deal and we could do something similar but it was a way for him to experience something with his classmates. I don't know how many more of those opportunities he will have and he really wanted this one bad. Am I overreacting or should I go to the school about this? Some of OOP's comments (and fellow parents' solutions): VoteyDisciple: I subscribe to the "deliberate ignorance" strategy in situations like this. "[Son] told me there was apparently some confusion when it came to picking groups, and he ended up not being any group. Please let me know which group you're going to be assigning him to join. I'd like to make sure he knows who's going to be in his cabin in advance, since as you know he struggles a little socially." Hidden meaning: obviously you're not so stupid that you'd think about excluding him just because he couldn't convince friends to join him, so I'll just assume you forgot to fix the problem. Helophora: This is seriously one of the worst instances of teacher-enabled and supported bullying I’ve hear about. I’m completely shocked. What kind of person is this teacher? Where is it acceptable to say “no he can’t come because he’s weird”? I would absolutely raise hell. OOP: My son didn't even mind the weird comment. He gets that a lot but I was pissed the teachers and principal let the boys all call him weird in front of everyone. This was very public. My son went to the front of the room and they called all 6 boys up to the front. They proceeded to call him weird and loudly declare that they weren't sharing a room with him. Even if they were going to give the boys input, they could have made it more private and should have addressed the comments they made to him. Instead they shrugged their shoulders and told my son they couldn't do anything if no one wants him in their group. Maybe the boys got talked to later and we aren't aware of it. I wasn't there but my son gives very detailed explanations and even brings his notebook to every single meeting to copy down any important information. To me it sounded like they allowed him to be bullied and did nothing about it. Avarici: Honestly. I would touch bases with with the parents of the other 6 boys, and the boys that kicked him out of their group. If I found out that my son was doing this to anther kid I would sit him down and have a talk about empathy. "Sometimes you and your buddies have to spend the weekend bunking with the weird kid. Sometimes you are the weird kid that nobody wants to bunk with." (95% of the time my son is the weird kid.) Also, does you son have an IEP or 504? If so this could potentially be a violation of FAPE. Espeically where he is qualified, has done everything on his end, but is being excluded by his peers and teachers because his disability (autism) is "weird" to them. Full disclosure I teach special Ed and this kind of exclusionary BS pushes my buttons so hard! OOP: He does have a 504 plan. I would assume they will argue that he is being excluded because he doesn't have a group and not because he has autism but he doesn't have a group because he has autism. They are very connected. I'm going to see about reaching out to the other parents. My son only knew the names of a few of the boys who called him weird but I will try to contact the moms of the original boys and the 3rd who invited his friend and excluded my son. not2reddit: Fight this. I cannot imagine the heartbreak he is experiencing or will experience due to this. This is their trip to organize, they better put their thinking cap on and get their asses in gear. If they won’t, I would go public with this. They will NOT want this to get out, because it would blow up. OOP: He was so upset. He kept saying "I really really tried." It sucks. He did everything that he was supposed to do even though it made him uncomfortable. Last year he would have cried, waited for me to come pick him up, and would have wanted me to handle it. He didn't do any of that. He was upset but moved along and kept trying. That's exactly what we want from him and it still wasn't enough. It's frustrating. [in another reply on the same thread] I was very proud. That wasn't easy for him by a long shot. Even wanting to go on the trip is him stepping out of his comfort zone. Deleted Commenter: Totally unacceptable. At this point they should shuffle all of the kids and have them sleep in randomly assigned beds. OOP: My only concern is that everyone saw my son get rejected. Everyone knows that he was told he can't go on the trip. One of the original boys who invited him to join their group came up to my son after the mess and told him to keep his head up and everything would be okay. They all know what happened so they would all be aware that my son caused the room shuffle. I wouldn't want him to be a target. I explained in further detail in another comment but there is very little oversight in the cabins after 8pm. (on being asked why rooms aren't assigned by the teachers) OOP: I get the idea of making kids pick their own rooms. I know my twins liked being able to do that and the school argues that it helps prevent bullying because kids aren't forced to share with kids they don't like. I do believe they used to have the teachers organize it but eventually started allowing the kids. It is a school sanctioned field trip. (on being asked where the mess is unfolding) OOP: This is a small town in Texas. Update: My 5th grader is being told he can't go on the end of the year field trip because he couldn't find friends to share a room with. There are other rooms available. Should I fight this or let it go? (March 27, 2019) I posted about 3 weeks ago because my son was told he couldn't go on an end of the year field trip. I'll link the story at the bottom and wasn't planning on updating, but I checked my messages and have tons of PMs from people. I was nervous about giving an update because I didn't think people cared but I recently saw that someone made a blog post about it and I wanted to share my side of the story. Be careful what you put on Reddit y'all. Quick recap: High functioning autistic kid wanted to go on a field trip that includes a lot of fun things like hiking, ziplining and things like that. He found 3 boys to room with but the ring leader kicked him out in favor of his best friend on group finalization day. When he told the field trip coordinators that he didn't have a group anymore they called two groups of 3 to the front of the room and asked them if they wanted to share. Both groups declined and said my son was weird. This all was very public. My son was then told that he isn't allowed to go on the trip because he didn't have a group. He asked if he could get a sleeping bag and sleep on the floor of his original groups room but they told him no. My son was disappoited but kept his cool until I picked him up. Update: I asked my son what he wanted to do and he said he wanted to go on the trip. I told him that I would go to the school with him and speak to the principal, who was one of the people who told him he can't go on the trip. We met with the principal and he asked my son which group he wanted to share with. My son said he didn't want to share with the groups that called him weird because he didn't want to be bullied by the boys the entire trip. As I mentioned in my original post there is next to no supervision in the cabins at night. The principal told my son there were no other rooms left and my son said he wanted back in his original group. The principal told him that's not possible because they already have four and already finalized the group but I called bullshit on that. They can't erase a name? Maybe this makes me into a snowplow mom or whatever but this wasn't fair to my son. He did everything right and was being told his options are to either not go on the trip or sleep with kids who are going to tourment him. My son said that one of the kids told him that he still wants to share and asked if we could have him come to the office. The principal called one of the original group members down to the office and he admitted that he wanted to share with my son but felt like he had to go along with his friends otherwise he'd be the odd man out and would be searching for another group. He was clearly broken up about it and felt bad. I get it. He's a 5th grade boy who was told it's either him or my son and he put my son on the chopping block to save himself. Understandable behavior from a preteen. He said he still wanted to share with my son though, so they called one of the other original boys down. He's good friends with my older son and said he never wanted to make my son feel bad. He said he'd be open to sharing too. The principal decided to put the 3 boys back together and then called the other two boys, the ringer leader and the late to the party kid, to the office after we left. He said he was going to tell them that they had to pick another room. Either the room with my son and the two boys willing to share with him or one of the other groups of three. They ended up splitting into the other groups of three. I was worried about bullying for having his mom get involved or for "ruining" the trip but they are going to keep the other boys separate. The kids go on adventures with their bunk mates and the kids in the room next to them, so they are going to make sure the other boys are far from my son. Big group activities are all supervised and we told our son to call us if anything happens and he wants to come back home. It'll be a long drive but it'll be worth it if he isn't comfortable being around those kids. Thanks for all the comments. When you parent a kid with special needs it is hard to know if you are overreacting or not. I'm glad that most people think I was right to be upset about what happened. The next step is changing the program so no other kid has to go through this. My twins did but had no issues so I didn't think to speak up. I have been regretting that decision and have serious mom guilt about not stepping up sooner. I will do whatever I can to make sure no other kid is humiliated in front of his peers and called names while staff watches. I don't know how they can change the process to make it less harsh on kids without friends but something needs to be done. This can't happen ever again. And yes, I could have taken my son camping after but he wanted to do this and do it without me. His siblings got to and I don't know how many normal middle/high school experiences he'll get. He's getting this one. Some reactions to the outcome: Deleted Commenter: I'm glad it got sorted but I'm still angry it got to this. The school handled it terribly. What would have happened if the boys hadn't 'agreed'. They still put entirely too much power in the kids hands. The whole thing leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. You got the desired outcome though and I'm sure your boy will have a wonderful time. It might be worth writing to someone on the board about the situation after the trip has happened in the hopes that attitudes/ policies might be changed slightly. OOP: That's the plan. I still didn't like the way they handled it but I kept my mouth shut because my son was happy. It still isn't right though. FacelessOldWoman1234: Well done. It's too bad the principal couldn't have found a solution himself without requiring tears, bullying, shame, and parental involvement, but at least it is resolved now. jeliebelie: I’m so happy for you for standing up for your son! You should be very proud of yourself! Thank you for posting this update! Like everyone else has said, this is a terrible system on the schools part, and I hope they’ve learned their lesson! submitted by /u/mmanyquestionss to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/TechnicalHousing97 in r/AITAH, r/neurodiversity, r/offmychest, and r/Redditor_Updates Previous BORU New updates marked with -- trigger warnings: verbal abuse, intellectual elitism, possible ableism, homophobia, antisemitism, racism mood spoilers: sad and frustrating   AITAH for telling my wife that I will lose respect for her if she doesn't apologize? - December 6, 2025 My wife and I have three kids. Thursday my wife was helping our nine year old with her homework. She was supposed to fill in a chart with the times tables. That was a hectic day. Our four year old threw up, and I was trying to clean him up, and my wife was having trouble getting our nine year old to focus on what she was doing because she kept looking at me. Our nine year old hates math and is pretty bad at it, which annoys my wife who is usually fantastic at math. My wife asked our daughter was seven times seven was. Our daughter said she didn't know. My wife kept telling her to try to think of any answer. She kept saying she didn't know. My wife was getting frustrated. Our daughter finally guessed 37. My wife said "close, 47." Our thirteen year old then said "no mom, it's 49." My wife snapped at that point and told him to shut up and go upstairs. He went into the backyard instead. She took a deep breath and then went into our room. I finished with our four year old and then went outside. I tried to talk to him, but he didn't want to listen. He kept saying "but dad, seven times seven is 49." I told him his mom just got frustrated and didn't mean to yell at him. He kept insisting that seven times seven in 49 (which I am aware of), so I got nowhere. I went back inside to talk to my wife. She said she knew she shouldn't have yelled. She said she was frustrated because he was distracting her, and that's why she made the mistake. I pointed out that she made the mistake before he said anything. She started crying and asked why I was being so critical. I apologized and told her I loved her. We hugged it out, but then I asked her if she was going to go and apologize to our 13 year old. She said no, because he shouldn't have interrupted her. She said he was rude and needed to learn not to interrupt. I told her it's not okay to tell him to shut up. We went back and forth, and finally I said I won't be able to respect her as much if she doesn't apologize. That really hurt her. She said she needed space. She hasn't said a word to me or him since Thursday. I know that what I said is harsh, but I can't respect someone who won't apologize when they make a mistake. Am I the asshole? My sister says I am because I'm not being supportive and our 13yo is "a lot." Update: My wife got up before our alarm and started cleaning our bathroom. I started the laundry and made breakfast. She didn't say a word when she sat down to eat. She ate much faster than normal. She stood up, picked up our four year old and told our nine year old to get ready because they were going to the library. She didn't say anything to our thirteen year old. I told her we need to talk, and she shook her head. I followed her upstairs and insisted that we need to talk. She just kept shaking her head. She went into our four year old's room and locked the door. I went downstairs and told our thirteen and nine year old that we are going to the dog park. They both asked if Mom was okay, and I said yes and that she needed space. I grabbed some clothes for our nine year old from the laundry room, and she got changed in the downstairs bathroom. We are at the dog park, and my wife is refusing to answer my texts. I'm starting to think this isn't about math.   Update: AITAH for telling my wife that I will lose respect for her if she doesn't apologize? - December 8, 2025 Link to my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pg8ss5/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/ TLDR for those who don't want to click: My wife and I were having a crazy week last week. Thursday she was helping our daughter with her math homework while frustrated and overwhelmed. She gave our daughter the wrong answer to a question. Our son corrected her. She screamed at him to shut up. Afterwards I wanted her to apologize. She refused, and I said that would make me respect her less. She gave both me and our son the silent treatment in response. Update: Yesterday (Sunday) my wife wanted to take the two younger children to the library. I tried to talk to her, but she locked herself in our four year old's room. I took our older two children to the dog park. She took our four year old to the library. At the dog park I talked to our 13 year old. I explained to him that a lot was going on right now and his mother was overwhelmed. I said that sometimes when a person is overwhelmed the next thing that happens, good, bad, or neutral, is the thing that pushes them over, and the source of that thing, good, bad or neutral is what they lash out at. I said his mom was wrong to lash out at him, but it wasn't his fault and she didn't really mean it. I said she was embarrassed, and that was why she was avoiding him. He said that wasn't fair, and we kept going back and forth. I was trying to help him understand he didn't do anything wrong and shouldn't feel bad, but all he could focus on was that he was being treated unfairly. I told him that it was unfair, but that his mom isn't perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. I said sometimes he is unfair, but we forgive him because we love him. I said forgiving his mom, even though she is wrong, would be a nice way to show his love for her, but that he doesn't have to. Again, he just said that the situation was unfair. Which it is. It really is. After the dog park I took our 13yo to a friend's house and our 9yo a friend of mine's house. I went home and made dinner. However, my wife went out for dinner with our 4yo, so she didn't get home until after I had put everything away. I told her that we had to talk now that the older kids aren't here, and that not talking wasn't an option anymore. She still ignored me, so I said that if she wouldn't engage with me, I would have to call our sisters and get them to come over to help me. She got very angry, but she finally engaged. She told me that she is drowning. She said work is exhausting, and every day when she gets home her patience is already below zero. She is scared and upset by our 4yo's stomach issues. She said he threw up again at dinner (she really shouldn't have taken him out to eat, because we are supposed to keep track of everything he eats before throwing up or not throwing up before the appointment today, which is impossible to do at a restaurant, but I didn't mention that). She said she can't take our 13yo's behavior anymore. I said he didn't do anything wrong Thursday. She said that when we were that age if we interrupted our parents to tell them they were wrong we would have been punished severely. She said we raised a spoiled entitled child. She said she can never get any peace and quiet in our own home that we worked hard to pay for because we have a spoiled teen that refuses to ever stop talking or making noise. I said we have been working on those behaviors and he has been improving, but she lashed out when he was trying to be helpful and that sends the wrong message. She told me that I am not supporting her. She said she needs things to change. She said we need to crack down and stop being so lenient. If he plays the recorder after we've told him he's done for the night, we need to take it. If he interrupts, he needs to go straight to his room. If he argues about curfew, he needs to lose privileges. I told her we need to take a step back. I said if she is overwhelmed she needs to take a break. I told her this heightened emotional state is a bad time to make huge household changes. I suggested like many commenters did that she get a hotel for a few days and decompress. She said she's not the problem (I didn't say she was) and he is. She said he was bad from the beginning. She said when our daughter didn't have all his issues she thought it was because she is a girl, but our 4yo is a boy and is also better behaved, so he is the problem. She also said I've always seen it and used to admit it but stopped to make her look crazy. For context I used to joke that our 13yo is a changeling because he likes to be outside so much, loves animals and loves playing on his recorder. I want to stress that this was a joke. The reason I stopped making this joke is because I noticed my wife didn't find it funny anymore. This was years ago anyway. I said all that, and she said no, that I saw even then that he is wrong but stopped acknowledging it to make her feel like the problem. She also said she has been seeing an online therapist (I had no idea). She said she didn't tell me because she was embarrassed. Her therapist told her that our son has dangerous tendencies and shows signs of being contemptuous towards women because he doesn't respect his mother. I had no idea how to respond to that. I said any therapist who would say something like that about a child they've never met shouldn't be licensed, and if it's an online therapist for all she knows they aren't. At the end of our conversation she agreed to go to the hotel only if she took our 4yo with her because she wanted to be the one to take him to his medical appointment. I didn't think that was a good idea at all. However she ended up just taking him and going. I picked up the kids and brought them home. They sense that something is wrong and were very subdued this morning getting ready for school. I talked to my boss when I came in and he is going to let me leave early to go to our 4yo's medical appointment. I am not sure what will happen there. I am hoping it will be good news and that will make us all feel less on edge.   Should I have my child reevaluated? - December 9, 2025 When my 13 year old was in the first grade his teacher suggested we have him evaluated for autism, which was done through the school. The psychologist who evaluated him said that he did not have autism or any other neurological condition. She said that while he did have some traits associated with autism, he didn't meet the diagnostic criteria, and that none of the traits he exhibited interfered with his ability to function as necessary in his day to day life. Recently I made a post that mentioned my son and droves of commenters demanded he be reevaluated. They cited as evidence something called "justice sensitivity", his love for music, animals and the outdoors, his habit of interrupting and his habit of constantly talking. I mentioned that he had been evaluated and the psychologist had said he isn't autistic, but I was told sometimes teens are easier to diagnose. I don't think he is autistic, mainly because a specialist said he isn't, but I also have other reasons. He understands sarcasm perfectly well and has no trouble identifying emotions from facial expressions and tone. He has a lot of friends and is good at interacting with people, even strangers. He is not sensitive to stressful stimuli like loud noises or unpleasant textures. He is not obsessed with routine. The commenters are convinced my son is autistic, so I thought I would come to a subreddit more specific to that issue for a different take. The thing is, I don't want to have my son reevaluated. I think he would interpret that as me saying there is something wrong with him, which there isn't. He's a very normal teenage boy. If he was autistic I would want him diagnosed, but I really don't think he is. I appreciate any insight anyone is willing to share. Editor’s/compiler’s note:A similar post was made to r/medical_advice, I will be omitting this due to it basically being a less-detailed version of this one.   My wife lied to me, and I don't know who she is anymore. - December 11, 2025 I should probably stop posting online. It's, in all likelihood, an unhealthy coping mechanism. The thing is, this has become the only place I can speak freely. In my real life I have to be so careful with every word I say. I just need to say one more thing, to get this off my chest and then be done. It wasn't always like this. Most of this story is a romance. I met my wife in college. I liked her immediately. She was beautiful, of course. She was funny and smart, naturally. The thing that made me attracted to her, that made we want her, was that she was sharp. I have always loved sharpness in women. I was sharp myself back then. We sharpened each other. We were the couple that sat in the back of every room, with our noses turned up, judging everyone, whispering comments just loud enough to be heard and just cutting enough to hurt. We thought we were so smart and sophisticated. Our tastes were the most refined, and we didn't think anything was uglier than a rounded edge. When I first asked her out she told me we wouldn't work because her father wouldn't approve. I didn't care about her father. I cared about her. The more time we spent together the more I loved her. Her father's first words to me, even before hello, were that I wasn't good enough for his daughter. He refused to come to our wedding, but the day after he gave my wife 20k for a down payment because no daughter of his was going to be a renter. I never liked him, but I was amused by him. I thought of him as my wife and I's private joke. He was so ineffectual against our love. When he saw our first baby he said "he looks like his father" and I was such a puffed up peacock, high on my own virility. I was too proud of my strong seed, my overpowering genes, to see that for what it was, a condemnation. When I held my firstborn for the first time, the world felt different. I felt different. I felt silly and immature. I began to understand the utility of the rounded edge. I saw how unimportant my high-minded philosophy was. Babies don't care how clever you are. They eat, cry and poop, and they are the most important thing you'll ever do. I softened up. I began to understand my parents. I always adored my mother, while also look down on her. Her politics were boring, her philosophy uninspired, her religion sentimental. When I held my baby I understood my mother like I never had before. She was soft, not sharp, and that was what my child needed from me, a soft place to land, not a razor's edge. We managed to adjust to every change in our lives. We always found our equilibrium. About a year ago that slipped away. Our toddler was struggling with potty training, and he had the occasional bad bout of diarrhea. Our daughter began to dip below average at school. Our oldest became the worst thing a person can be, annoying. We, who had once prided ourselves in our cleverness, were being outsmarted by a pedantic twelve year old. "You didn't say I could only spent $20. You said I couldn't buy anything over $20. Each of these twenty things are $5," type nonsense. It was the grandparent's revenge, right? Oh, that's the kind of little asshole I used to be. I see why some people hated me. But he's a good kid. He doesn't steal, hit, curse or lie. He argued, he talked too much and he complained, but isn't that all a symptom of cleverness? He was too much like us. However he was also nothing like us, this child we created, but isn't that good? Don't we want our children to be individuals? Yes, the arguing and interrupting had to be curbed, but we worked on it. He improved. He started to mature. Life was a struggle, but he wasn't the struggle. This parenting thing is hard. My wife cracked. It happens. We've all been there. Our son corrected a mistake she made, and she was embarrassed. She screamed at him to shut up. I asked her to apologize, because he didn't deserve that. She shut down. She told me that she was overwhelmed. I get it. I'm overwhelmed too. I think I've been overwhelmed for a long time and just refused to acknowledge it. I told her to take a break. She took a break. My wife, who I have always trusted, lied to me. She said she quit her job. That was a lie. She did not quit. She was suspended, and she will likely be fired on Friday or possibly next week. She has been telling me all year that her coworkers are incompetent and she is the only one doing her job correctly. In actuality, she has been in a performance improvement plan for months. Why was she suspended? She was telling a coworker that he needed to finish something by the end of the month to keep them on track for a February third deadline. He interrupted her to tell her the deadline was March second. She screamed at him to shut up and not interrupt her. She did the same thing to her coworker she did to our son. The only difference is our household doesn't have an HR department. She lied to me. Is that what I should be hung up on? Probably not. Here's what's killing me. Here's what I can't say in real life, to anyone, so I'll tell you. I always thought she was sharp, and I loved that. I thought I was so sophisticated for recognizing her elegance and worth. I felt special for loving her. But maybe she isn't sharp. Maybe she's just thin-skinned and irritable. Yeah, she lied to me, but maybe I lied to myself first.   Update: My wife finally apologized, but I already lost some of my respect for her.-December 16, 2025 I'm still getting notifications asking questions about certain things, so here's an update to clear everything up. Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pg8ss5/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/ Initial update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1phfg45/update_aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/?sort=top TL;DR: Our 13yo corrected my wife when she got a math problem wrong. My wife screamed at him to shut up. I asked her to apologize, and she didn't talk to either of us for three days. At that point I demanded she talk to me, and we had a fight where she blamed our 13yo for everything. She took our four year old and went to stay at a hotel last Sunday night. I retrieved our four year old at his doctor's appointment the next day. She stayed at the hotel alone Monday & Tuesday night. Wednesday she told me she quit her job. She did not quit her job. A concerned coworker of hers reached out and revealed the truth. She was suspended for yelling at a coworker to shut up. She picked the kids up from school + daycare Wednesday. After they were asleep I confronted her. We fought, and she went to stay with my sister. With my sister's influence, she called her boss and managed to work out a compromise where she won't be fired and can have some mental health leave. She didn't see the kids all weekend, even when my sister picked them up Sunday to take them to a party. She is back home now. So here's where the update starts. Update: I had our 13yo evaluated by a child psychologist like so many redditors suggested. If you learn anything from my experience, learn not to take medical advice from reddit. Our son is not autistic and does not have ADD. The psychologist said the only thing he comes close to meeting the diagnostic criteria for is anxiety, but based on their discussion and the paperwork I filled out, she's confident those symptoms come from external stressors, not an anxiety disorder. My wife came home after work, and when our son arrived home from his friend's house, she did apologize to him. He forgave her, and they hugged it out, but it was an awkward interaction. Afterwards he want outside to play with his new harmonica. My daughter doesn't have a learning disability. I talked to her teacher. Her math skills are average for her age group according to the teacher. The teacher suggested that if she is struggling to do the math work at home it is because she feels pressured. I ended up telling her that she can do the work in whatever timeframe she wants, and she can have her brother check it for her, so neither her mother nor I will know if she made a mistake. She seems happy with this new arrangement. I think my wife and I were too critical in our eagerness to encourage her to work hard and do well, and I accept culpability for that. Our four year old is allergic to soy. Since I stopped feeding him anything with soy in it he hasn't vomited once. He will soon be reintroduced to soy in very small doses to acclimate him. He is doing much better, and this has relieved a huge source of stress. As for my wife, as I said, she apologized to our son. She said talking to my sister helped a lot. She told me the reason she has been so overwhelmed and she lashed out was the realization that we aren't going to have another kid and the three we have are it. She said she is worried that our kids are spoiled and soft. She said she wants our kids to bypass their peers, and she doesn't see that happening right now because they are too undisciplined and unmotivated. She said sone of her dad's parenting might be what they need. I told her I would never be okay with that, and that would be a deal breaker for me. I also told her I don't see how anxiety about the kids caused her to lash out at work. I said that I think she is frustrated by the fact that she can't control people. She said that's unfair, and I apologized but also said I think that an issue similar to what I said is the likely culprit. We agreed to a compromise where she tries to relax until she leaves for her trip with my sister. If she feels she is getting stressed out, she will leave for as long as needed. We will talk about parenting strategies again after she gets back. I have hired a lawyer and didn't tell her. If she again tries to insist that we go full authoritarian on the kids I will raise the possibility of divorce. I love my wife, but I owe it to my kids to put them first.   --New updates-- Update: My wife isn't coming home. - December 30, 2025 https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pg8ss5/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/ Link to the original post above. I made other posts. They're on my profile. Someone compiled them all on a different subreddit. Listen, I just need to vent. My wife is on vacation with my sister after a mini mental breakdown. She just WhatsApped me that she isn't coming back. She said she needs to make some changes, and the New Year is the perfect time. She told me that a start-up working on a cause she is passionate about is looking for someone in her field. She's taking the job and moving to the opposite coast. Shock doesn't feel like the right word. It doesn't feel big enough. She wanted to stress that she isn't leaving me, that she just needs to pursue her passion. She said if this startup takes off we call all move to where she is going and resettle and get a fresh start. She also said that this new job is closer to the clinic our son's pediatrician recommended for his allergy treatment. I started to argue with her, but then I deleted the message. We're doing okay without her, as awful as that sounds. Maybe she needs this. I looked into this startup. I don't think it will take off. But maybe she just needs a break from us to recenter herself. So I told her I love her, that I believe in her and that I'm proud of her for following her dreams. What else could I say? My sister is pissed at her for abandoning us, and this has pretty much ruined their trip. I think I should feel bad about that, but I'm too burnt out. 2026. It's going to be a year.   Update: What happened while my wife was overseas. - January 4, 2025 https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pg8ss5/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/ That was the original post. We're well past that. I have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow to file for divorce. In my last update I told people that my wife wasn't coming home, but I still think I can fix things if I give her space. I no longer believe that. Several of you (most of you not very nicely) told me she had abandoned our family. I didn't want to believe it, but you are right. I picked my sister up from the airport this morning, and we had a long conversation where she filled in details. When my wife, her sister, my sister and her wife got to the resort everything was fine at first. It didn't take long for my wife's sister to show her ass though. She called my sister a (slur that rhymes with bike) (other slur that rhymes with bike). She called my sister's wife a (stick with p instead of t) (that second bike slur). So that caused a huge fight. My wife cursed out her sister (rightfully!) and moved into the room my sister was sharing with her wife to get away from her sister. My wife told my sister more about the situation with the kids. She said she feels like she failed our oldest and he is completely beyond help. She said he is so disrespectful and obnoxious and she doesn't understand how she let it get to this point. Our son, by the way, made his little siblings breakfast and played monopoly with them while I was up crazy early picking my sister and her wife up from the airport. Evil child, clearly. My sister told my wife our oldest is just a teenager and that she is attaching significance to really insignificant things. My sister said teenagers are all annoying, but it isn't the end of the world. My wife said her dad wouldn't put up with that kind of behavior. My sister pointed out that her dad raised her sister, who goes around calling people slurs. My wife said that was her husband's influence, which, whatever. My wife also said she thinks our daughter is stupid. My sister was shocked to hear that. Our daughter's academic performance at school is average. Most kids are average. That's what average means. She isn't stupid. She's normal. My wife talked about a startup in California an old classmate of hers is going to work for. They do work she really believes in. She said she wanted to move to California to work for them and also so our youngest will be closer to a particular allergy clinic. My sister tried to tell her that is all crazy, but that didn't work, since my wife is currently on her way to California. Or maybe she already landed. I'm not sure. My sister is angry with my wife and doesn't ever want to talk to her again. They have always been close friends, so that really brought home to me how insane her behavior is. My sister thinks she is lying about having the job too. She thinks my wife is planning to apply in California and that no job offer has been made yet. I wouldn't believe that if not for her previous lie about her current job. To protect myself I opened a new bank account and switched my direct deposit. I also prepaid a lot of things that get paid from the joint account so she can't drain it and leave us in a bad spot. I opened a new account specifically for the mortgage, transferred six payments into it and put that on autopay. I won't use it for anything else. I bought a bunch of gift cards from the grocery store we use as well, so if she does drain the account we'll be able to buy food. I prepaid the daycare and school fees and activity fees for the kids as far as possible. I paid off and closed our joint cards. She still has her personal cards, and I still have mine. This is going to be messy as hell, and I am not looking forward to it. The worst thing is that the kids are sad their mom isn't coming home. Of course I didn't tell them what she said about them. Our oldest thinks she went to California to hang out with other cool people because we aren't cool enough for her. I told him that isn't true, but he doesn't believe me. I'm just devastated by all this. The person I'm supposed to be able to rely on abandoned me.   Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. submitted by /u/J_S_M_K to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/SoCalPE Originally posted to r/EntitledPeople Previous BoRUs: #1, #2, #3 [New Final Update]: My sister wants to use a burial plot she doesn’t own NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: entitlement, drug use, stalking, possible theft/debt issues, deaths of loved ones Mood Spoilers: positive and sad for OOP RECAP Original Post: January 3, 2025 My sister (54F) and I (63M) are estranged for a lot of reasons. She was the golden child. I was given a 63 Chevy pickup when I got my driver’s license. She got a Mustang convertible. I went to college and she did drugs and had children without marriage. I got student debt. She got a mobile home, which she, of course lost, due to drugs. She had two wonderful kids that we were able to get taken from her and are doing well. Our father raised them. My father and mother were divorced in the 1970s due, in part, to the stress of my sister. My mother tried to help her. She let her live with her and helped her get jobs but she always relapsed. So now to the present situation, my father died four years ago and I bought him a nice burial plot in Bozeman MT. The plot is in my name and is in a very nice location in the veterans section. My mother died last summer. I went up and was at the hospital when she died, my sister was no where around. We were able to reconnect without her. My mom’s will stated that my sister and I were supposed to get the house jointly but, somehow she got on the deed by right of survivorship which meant she got it. She tried to get me to help pay the remaining mortgage but that wasn’t going to happen so she had to sale and I bought it. She was mad and took Mom’s remains and disappeared so we couldn’t hold a ceremony. Now six months later, she reappears and says that she paying for a burial. But here is the catch, my mother is a veteran so she has a veteran group to pay for the room, the VA for the headstone and I get a call from the funeral home asking if they bury her with Dad. Someone who was divorced from for 50 years. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: In addition to the headstone, mom might also be eligible for burial at a US veterans cemetery for free. Locate her DD-214 if you haven’t already made other burial plans. OOP: We told her she could be buried for free at a national cemetery. My guess is she loves the plot I snagged for my Dad and I admit it is nice. But Why is OOP responding to his sister? OOP: I am not responding to her. I have no way to respond to her she blocked me a while ago. We have talked through lawyers, like the little prick who got her on the deed so the will was useless. The only reason I found out about this at all was the funeral home realized that the plot wasn’t owned by my sister or my mother and tracked me down. They had my number because they buried my dad. OOP explains why he is not burying his mother's ashes with his father's OOP: Well there are two things. The grand kids want to get their grandma buried and away from my Sister. They don’t have the history I have with Mom and Dad. They saw them together without the fighting. So they are want to get it done. They want to be able to visit them. My niece does take her kids to visit my Dad’s grave, so this is a factor. Giving in to my sister just makes me sick. I was going to buy a plot when Mom died last summer but she run with the remains. Now there is no time. So I am backed into a corner and the kids are more important than my hurt feelings. But I get to write the obituary 🤬.   Update (in comments): January 6, 2025 (three days later) I am going to update; 1) I fat fingered my original post. My sister is 57 not 54. My parent’s divorce was official in 83 but they separated in 78 or so. I corrected this by answering some commenters. 2) Was she really a terror as a kid? She got in drugs at 10 and was sneaking in boys at 13 when I was at college. This was 78-83. I was old of state. My father was retired Navy and there was a recession. My mom did work but it was a strain. I went through college on student loans, scholarships and jobs. 3) They tried treatment and buying her good behavior. My brother basically quit the whole thing and joined the Army. He was a member of the 101st so we are not all screwed up. Now the update. I talked to the funeral home today. It seems that my Sister’s plan was to place my mom’s remain in the veteran wall at the cemetery. But Bozeman cemetery is not part of the national cemetery system. Normally a wall interment would be free for a veteran but since Bozeman isn’t part of the system, it is $500. So she points at Dad’s plot and said bury her there. The rest is history, the funeral calls me when they figure out the plot isn’t owned by her or my Dad and here we are. I am trying to see if we can get the wall slot again. The remains are back at the funeral home. Arrrgh! Family!   Update #1: January 15, 2025 (nine days later) So - the short backstory, my sister is a bitch who is holding my mother’s remains hostage to get her way. She wants to bury my mother in the plot I own that I buried my father in. They have been divorced for more than 40 years. The update, after some research I offered to pay to inter my mother in the veteran wall. My sister through a fit. Not directly to me, we don’t talk. She just let the funeral home know she wouldn’t return the remains. I would have to buy a few plot, but I just bought a house and I am furnishing it so money it tight. She knew that. It was Mom’s house and she is mad I bought it. She has driven by it several times. I am about to put it out on the short term rental market. So, after talking to my family, the grandchildren and others, I have thrown in the towel. We are burying Mom in Dad’s plot. She will have an I ground brass marker. It kills me that my Sister has reduced my Mom’s service to a brass welcome mat to my Father’s headstone. My family has said they will know but damn it hurts. My Sister cannot take some money from the sale of the house and buy a plot or split the cost with me. Additional Information from OOP OOP: I guess this is a small update. I talked to the funeral home yesterday. My sister will be bringing the remains on the day of the burial and watching them. So switching it really isn’t a possibility. I have to go back up this summer so I am going to look as arranging re-interning her then. As least it wouldn’t be above freezing. Relevant Comments OOP explains his mother's background and her wishes after death OOP: My Mom is a veteran too. I am very proud of her service from 56 to 61. She could have been a secretary or medical assistant but decided to be an electronic technician. Not many females of those in the Navy. She worked on the early communication systems for the nuclear submarines in Rhode Island and San Diego. Leading edge technology at the time. Last I talked to her, she wanted her ashes to spread in the mountains. Why my sister is insisting on this burial and holding the ashes hostage is a mystery. I am actually surprised I haven’t had a ransom note yet. OOP provides details on why he is renting his mother's house out OOP: I should add to this. The house was built in 2014 so wasn’t the family home but my sister smokes like crazy. It smelled bad. The carpet was stained as were the walls and window coverings. The garage floor was stained with dog pee and smelled. So we tore out the carpet and painted with Klizz. We sealed the garage floor and put in new window treatments. The dishwasher had leaked so we had to mold remediation and the HVAV system had issues. So we expect, with the market, to get a positive return in two years or so. Then we can come back and remodel the bathrooms and move in or keep it for income. That was my Christmas Holiday😄. Putting my Mom’s retirement house back into proper condition. I think she would like it. OOP shouldn't give in to his sister's demands OOP: Well with mother gone, she has lost her last chip in the game. We haven’t spoken in year except through lawyers or via my mother. She lost the house she inherited and has had to move far from Bozeman. Her kids hate her. Her grandkids run to me when I come up there. My son used to like her but now can’t stand her after what she pulled at his sister’s wedding. She won this one, but really at what cost Why did the cemetery allow this mess to happen regarding placing OOP's mother in his father's plot? OOP: The cemetery didn’t, once they realized this plot she was talking about, they called me for permission. That is what started this mess.   Update #2: January 23, 2025 (eight days later) Today is the day of the burial. I was going to update afterwards just to say we got it done but the last 20 hours hit. My sister canceled the room at the funeral home and made it a grave side service only. She got a refund for the room. The reason she gave; they are shooting guns for the salute and that should be outside. I found out when the funeral home called last night to ask me to pick up the urn and take it to the grave. My sister is in a wheelchair and cannot come graveside. I sent the word out on the family message and her son, the only one who talks to her exploded as did her daughter. He called and she cried. An honest answer would probably be I needed drug money and the disability check is days away but …. So I arranged to get a table at a military theme restaurant in Bozeman (if you are from the area, you know the one) and we will gather there to tell stories. Just a few minutes ago I get a call from the funeral home and they were offering a room at a discount but we are sticking with our plans. Some comments I would like to make. Some people think I am blaming my sister for becoming addicted to drugs and alcohol at ten. I am not. I blame my parents for moving to a drug rich area, the government for not not handling the drug issue and the medical establishment for not seeing addiction as the disease it was at the time. My post would be much longer if I went into the social and political issues of the late 70’s and early 80’s and how it broke up the nuclear family. I blame my parents for trying to buy her good behavior and a recession for the stress that ended their marriage. They also never forced her to finish school which limited her ability to succeed. I blame her for wasting the multiple opportunities she was given as an adult. She was given a car (repossessed), a mobile (lost because she spent the welfare money on drug instead of space rent), a truck (partially restored 63 Chevy c10, sold for drug money), lost custody of two kids how have turned out well. This list doesn’t include the money she has taken from people over the years. As far as this funeral goes, my mother would have been buried in her home State of Pennsylvania near her family but in September if my Sister hadn’t raked her remains and disappeared. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: You may want to check ownership of that plot. If she is anything like my sibling, she may have sold it from under the family. My sibling trashed all the living trust information our parents had set up. I tried to get them to change it years ago. They didn't. Now they are stuck and I can't help them, or myself. OOP: This all started when my sister sent out a message that she “paid for the funeral for Mom” who died in September and she took the remains while her daughter and I were in the process of planning the funeral. I got a call from the funeral home, same one that buried my Dad four years ago, that she told them to bury her in the same plot. They have been divorced since 1983. She found out that it cost her to bury her in the “Veteran Wall” in Bozeman because it had not achieved the VA approval yet. I bought that plot for my Dad. Commenter 2: In your earlier post, you said the VA paid for the room? But she got the refund when she canceled. I feel like that’s something she could get into a lot of trouble for, no? OOP: I believe you are referring to the $500 that the state of Montana provides to Veterans for burials I mentioned. The VA pays for the markers and a plot in a national cemetery. But your point is taken. I am wondering what the costs were. Commenter 3: Could you possibly move your mom later? We have had issues like this in our home country where they went and disturbed my aunt’s remains just to put someone not related to us that everyone was opposed to. It was wild but it’s kind of done. But if your parents were divorced why would they be kept together. I guess I would only put them together if I myself wanted to be close to both of them. I am sorry for your losses, I am sorry for your sister being so troubled. I hope she can find a way out and mental health assistance. OOP: That is what we are thinking of doing this summer   Update #3: January 25, 2025 (two days later) The service was Thursday at 1 and the American Legion Gallatin Valley Post 14 did the final salute with the rifle volley and taps. The Navy sent an Officer and enlisted to do the flag presentation. I told them about her service and said some words to the people who came but being in a snow covered field limited who could come. Afterwards we meet at a restaurant and told stories. The grandkids were really interested in what kind of mother she was and was surprised when we told them she drove a motorcycle to work. Now I am sure you are interested in what happened with my sister. When I arrived at the funeral home I was shocked to find what little she had arranged for. I drove her remains to the grave site and my brother actually put them into the ground. At my Dad’s funeral, we arranged for a hearse to take his remains up to the cemetery. It was a little funny, me, my wife, my brother and my mom’s urn took a quick drive down Main Street Bozeman so we could say goodbye before hitting the cemetery. Well while the ceremony was going on a SUV came up. It was my Sister watching from the road. I arranged for the flag to go to my brother since I had my Dad’s flag. I could see her shouting as he was presented the flag. After that we each said something over the grave and headed to our cars. My Sister called her son over and handed her two bags containing vials of Mom ashes for him and my niece. At the restaurant they gave them to me and my brother; they are great kids. She the then drove by yelling at me for ruining the ceremony or something then drove off. So that’s it until summer when we will decide to either move mom to Pennsylvania to be with her family. My brother is looking into that issue or a national cemetery. Or we scatter her ashes. I would like to address some comments made: 1) Why am I short term renting the house. My initial plan was long term rental until my wife and I retired in 2-3 years. My son, while working on the house has fallen in love with Montana and wants to move up at the end of summer. So we are short term renting until then. I have met with some neighbors and given them my contact information in case a client gets out of hand. The house is near ski and outdoor adventure activities so I don’t see a problem. 2) I do not blame my 10 year old or 13 year old sister. It is the 30+ year old woman who never taken the opportunities to get straight seriously. I also blame my parents but they paid with their marriage and the fact they never had the retirement they wanted. I also blame the government but that is a major rant. 3) Why didn’t I take her kids? I tried but in California they will fight to keep the kids with a bad mother. My wife and I would buy groceries and take it to them. I took the kids to the dentist. But we were limited to what we could do and she knew if she gave up the kids she would loose a bargaining chip. It was a cloak and dagger operation to get the kids to Montana and then in front of a judge that finally saved them. Relevant Comments Deleted Commenter: Op, didn’t your sister say they were shooting guns off at the funeral? Yep, they don’t do that. My Dad was Navy retired, he was in for 25 years. He was buried 5 yrs. Ago. They sent 2 soldiers to escort the urn and stand at attention but, that is the extent of it. I would take everything your sister says with a grain of salt, it sounds like she lies a lot. So, I would not spend too much time on that the things she says and her behavior. OOP: I was there, the American Legion Post fired a salute for both my Dad and Mom. They provide the shell casing to the family afterwards. Commenter 2: I’m sorry I know this isn’t funny but all I can imagine is some crazy lady doing drive-by’s and yelling out the window at a funeral service. Commenter 3: Glad you finally got it all resolved and you said good bye to your mum   Update #4: August 22, 2025 (nearly seven months later from the last update) So it has been 7 months or so. I am in the process of moving my Mother's remains to the veterans wall. There are some issues we are still working on but the process is in motion. It has been an experience, I have learned a lot. The VA considered her buried so she isn't entitled to free burial anymore. They lost her marker in the mail so she doesn't have one, we are working that out trying other get one for the wall. The charge to de-intern her is astronomical but I will live with that. In the meantime, we ended the short-term rental of the house and my son has moved in. While short-term renting was interesting, it was stressful too. We paid the mortgage and taxes so it did its job. Bill collectors kept coming for my sister and to pick up the medical equipment she rented for my mother, that she failed to return. That was interesting to explain to our renters. I got calls from creditors for my sister asking for her location, she has changed her phone number and disappeared. They also wanted to know if I inherited or bought the house. It seems my sister was on my Mother's credit cards and ran up some debt so they were going after her. If I had inherited the house, they were going to claw it back. So I had to create a PDF with the records to send when I got these calls to show I bought the house and that I was cut out of the will by my sister. That seems to have ended the calls for now. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: You are so patient, I am envious. We are having issues with my oldest brother-in-law and lawyers are involved. I actually refused to accompany my husband when they all went to sign off on selling one of the properties because I could not promise to keep a civil tongue. OOP: It helps she has disappeared and I live in San Diego. I am retiring in the next two years so, if she is around Bozeman, we may run into each other. I do know she lost a leg to diabetes. She never took care of herself. Our father had diabetes and never had the issues she has. He stopped smoking and drinking. She didn’t. But that is all I know and I know that because she tried guilt tripping her kids. Commenter 2: Quit answering these calls. If you do, demand they cease calling and that all correspondence be on paper. Again, quit answering the phone. Do you have a probate executor? This should all be handled by them. They may have waited to long to be paid by the estate and are fishing. OOP: Normally I would agree with you but this involved an actual legal issue. If there are outstanding debts, they need to be taken care of before transferring deeds. They were confirming the house was a sale and not some sort of a sham sale. I hate those collectors who call the kids going with the “you want your parents walking around in the afterlife, burden by these debts on their souls.” They are trying to get you to pay anything on the debt then claim you own the whole thing. Commenter 2: If the estate is managed right, a notice of death in publication and a set time periods that loaners, banks, etc. get to file for payment, if they miss the cut off date they are out of luck. OOP: And if the estate is managed by a person who isn’t honest. Who will not tell the union that the person has died so they can collect a few more months of retirements? There is a lot going on with questionable lawyers who will not let me see the will. Funky changes in the deed, etc. most papers will not allow just anyone to put in death notices. I tried. The good news is she payed herself. The original will was we inherited the house equally but she had the right to live there. I promised my mom to live up to that. If she hadn’t changed things, I would have had to help pay the mortgage and she would be living there. Ha! Dodge a bullet there   ----NEW FINAL UPDATE---- Update #5: December 22, 2025 (four months later) [Update 5] Sister wants to use burial plot she doesn’t own This will be the final update. Today I moved my mom’s remains into her own plot. She will now have her own space and receive her own acknowledgement as a veteran. It has been four plus months since my last update as it has been a roller coaster. My sister found out and threaten to stop it. First she was going to take the remains if I had them removed from my father’s grave. Then she sent a letter to the cemetery objecting to the disinterment. This got lawyers involved. Turns out if my brother and I agreed to the move then it could move forward. Once that paperwork was filed, the city demand their cut in the form of a permit and fee. Of course that all took time. The last issue is her headstone but that cannot go in until spring. I can now totally block my sister and leave this behind me. Standing on that hill today, I felt like I completed a promise and made sure my parents were both properly honored. My mother was no longer an afterthought in my Dad’s grave. So Merry Christmas to you all and I hope you have a peaceful New Year Relevant Comment Commenter: I'm truly sorry that this is what you've had to go through. The upshot is I guarantee you that your mother would be grateful to you for making sure she is cared for after her passing. OOP: Thank you. It was for her I did it for.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP posted from 2 accounts: u/ChildFreeForLife1 & u/ChildFreeForLife2 Originally posted to r/AITAH AITAH for not canceling my vacation and reporting a coworker for harassment? Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: entitlement, verbal abuse, mentions of a death of loved one, mentions racism Mood Spoilers: appalling Original Post: December 3, 2025 At my job you can only roll over 250 vacation hours. So, come December 31st if you have over 250 hours, you lose them. They don't pay it out. Every year, my husband and I take several longish (10-11 days) scheduled vacations. Visiting a relative in Florida, Family Reunion wherever it's being hosted, anniversary trip each Fall, etc. I always end up having over 250 hours even though we take those trips. I usually take between the 15th-18th of Dec through the 5th or 6th of Jan off. I have been doing this for nine years (and its approved). We hired "Haley" in October. She has made it clear that her son is her life. That's well and fine. I don't care one way or another. Haley came to my desk on Monday and asked me if I would reconsider my time off in December. When I asked why she said that she had requested some time off to travel with her son for the holidays to see her family but it was denied because I'm off. I just said "No, sorry." and turned back around. That afternoon, Haley sent me an email with an itemized timeline of all the time off I had taken this year (our team has a shared calendar so we can know when the other are out of office) and asked to please reconsider and she CCd our boss. I will be honest this severely pissed me off. I don't butt into anyone else's business ever. I don't care if I see your ass parked on the 50-yard line at the Eagles game the same day you call in sick. (Go birds!). As long as I'm not having to do your work, I do not care. I emailed back immediately saying that I don't appreciate her combing through my vacation time and that my answer was still no and I did not want to discuss the matter further. Yesterday morning, I was called into a meeting my boss "Lisa" and Haley. Lisa jumped right in saying that she saw Haleys email and my response and Haley wanted to meet. I told Haley and Lisa both, I will not be canceling my vacation. Haley starts raising her voice about how my child free traveling should take a back seat to working class mother's and their kids. She claimed that I hate kids from my remarks in the workplace, and she felt I was retaliating for the "cause". Both Lisa and I were shocked at the accusation. I am child free by choice. My husband and I have lots of nieces and nephews as well as God children and we are happy. We do not hate kids! Lisa knows this as well. We have worked together in total for about 15 years. I told Haley that she's making a false accusation and this was now an HR matter. I got up and left the meeting even though Lisa asked me to stay. About a half hour later, I got another email from Haley but she was informing me she was asking Lisa to make the call to revoke my PTO and be fair to others on our team. Then, I overheard her telling a team member I'm not letting her take time off because I hate kids and I'm part of the hateful child free community. That was the last straw for me. I attached both of her emails and wrote an email to HR about her harassing and slandering me. I gave the name of the coworker she was talking to and the conversation context as well. I hit send and forwarded it to my boss afterwards so she knew was what going on. About an hour ago, I found out that Haley has a meeting with HR on Friday and she will more than likely be fired. The coworker she complained to told me that he felt I overreacted and that she was just venting about finding child care for the holidays because of work and I should have sat down to talk about it more. A friend who is aslo a colleague (who told me about the meeting) said she thought I let my anger get the best of me and now Haley may lose her job when she's just a stressed out and overly tired mother having a bad day. I will admit I used the buzz words of harassment and slander to get my point across but it had been two days of an asked and answered conversation and I was done with it. So, AITA for reporting her over this incident? P.S. - I am not the only one off. We are a team of five people and two other coworkers are off during the time she wants, but they have children. And the "remarks"? She asked me when she started why I don't want kids and I said I like coming home to clean and quiet house. That's the extent of the "remarks". EDIT: I am in the US (Midwest) and my company is huge on work life balance due to burn out in our field. You're eligible to use your PTO after 30 days and it accrues fast. After looking, Haley is eligible for 52 hours of PTO to date. EDIT #2: A lot of questions about my vacation time. lol. During Covid, my company allowed us all to roll over all PTO from 2020-2022 because of the no travel stuff happening. In 2023 they moved the bar from 150 hours (4ish weeks) up to 250 (6ish weeks) roll over because a lot of people complained about losing a lot of time when they didn't travel. You were not required to bank your time. Some people took their and traveled. We took the pandemic seriously and did not travel at all in 2020 to mid 2021 and then we stayed home most of the first half of 2022 as well and started traveling again in Oct of 2022. So I banked my 250 and because I'm still accruing, I have a lot of hours built up. We do snow activities that are "free" in the winter so we barely travel and we don't start traveling until May of each year and by that time, I've accrued more time. Hope this helps! Lol. This is a throwaway so I'll say goodbye for now! Thank you for the support! I'll come back with an update when I have one! AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received the majority of NTAs Editor's note: OOP has made lots of responses to the original post, I am posting the top common questions asked and responses Relevant Comments Commenter 1: NTA. She started it and escalated it. You just matched her energy. Just because you're child free doesn't mean people with children are more entitled to your vacation days. You did not overreact. OOP: Not that she even asked...but we have plans as well. My MIL passed away earlier this year and I am surprising my husband with a five days tropical getaway for NYE so he isn't so down. Commenter 2: She doesn't need to know that. She should have been an adult and accepted your no. All of your coworkers who think you overreacted are lying. They know full well they would not allow someone to harass and slander them. I don't think you used buzz words, I think you used the correct words and words matter. You did the right thing. If she is fired, it will be because of her own behavior, not because of you. I'm sorry about your MIL, I hope the family is able to celebrate this year and remember her fondly. Unless she wasn't a nice person but I don't get that vibe. Also, if a job doesn't pay out for PTO, then revoking your PTO usage would not sit well with me either. OOP: Thank you for the well wishes.🖤 No one else on my team has ever had an issue. I'm not the kind of asshole who throws around the fact that I've been there 15 years. Idc. But I also do things like work holidays I don't care about or travel for like July 4th, Valentines Day (it's big in my office for some reason lol), Labor Day.... I'm not even an overly huge Christmas person. I just like to recharge and start the new year fresh after a long year of working. And the other three people on our team have never had an issue with it. OOP on if race plays a role in this whole issue OOP: Someone said this to me at work... I'm mixed and my coworker is black and Haley is white and my black coworker (works on a different team) said she felt it was targeted for how fast she escalated stuff. I didn't bring race into it at all, because her lack of professionalism said enough for itself but someone did point that out too. Commenter 3: Tell your coworkers to give up their time off for Haley if they think you're overreacting. I'm 100% sure they will change their tunes. If Haley gets fired, it is because of Haley's actions. Do we blame the cop for arresting the murderer or do we blame the murderer for murdering?? It's crazy to think anything else. OOP: The three people who are on my team have chosen to not comment. The two don't want to give up their time off and the other one is just like me and couldn't give a flying fuck about what I'm doing. It's literally people Haley has been nice and made friends with that approached me about being harsh... Commenter 4: This is on Lisa, for not getting Haley in check when she got out of pocket the first time. I don’t know a double-digit yeared veteran of any company that wouldn’t be pissed at some newbie not even out of their probationary period making demands and running their mouth like that. Responding like you have means you only have to fob off goobers like that newbie once. When they feel that bold that soon in, they only get more and more of a nightmare. Especially if their manager doesn’t shut them down themselves. I would also be pissed at Lisa if I were you, and would wanna know wtf was she thinking. It’s each person’s own responsibility to keep themselves employed. Don’t act a fool if you wanna keep your job. NTA. OOP: My boss is extremely non-confrontational. I've worked with her for 15 years and under her for 8 and I know better than to let her resolve an issue. I could already hear her solution would have been for Haley to tell me what days she needed covered and I could agree to cover X amount to keep everyone happy and I wasn't letting that happen. Haley came at me aggressively to begin with and the first email wasn't addressed by my boss until Haley asked for a meeting so I was already on high alert. Commenter 5: Considering that the spectrum of reactions includes suing for slander (it could be argued she’s harming your working relationships thus your career, thus your income), not overreacting. What couldn’t even remotely be called in to question here, is that you are definitely NTA. I do wonder why your company won’t pay out vacation time (do you just mean time that wasn’t used once times up? Or do you mean you can’t even cash out some vacation time before the end of the year happens? Either way, how naive is this coworker that she thinks she can just get time off in December without scheduling that way in advance? Like, it is currently December!! That’s a thing across all types of jobs lol.. OOP: I asked for this time off in April and I'm literally leaving the 12th for the rest of the year! I've done everything I've needed to do to wrap up the year. A week and a half left and she wanting me to come back the 22-30... OOP explains more about how she plans her vacation ahead of the requesting scheduled time off OOP: This is correct! My husband and I sit down in November and discuss where we would like to go and I submit it in January and wait until it's approved to schedule. My entire team does this. And let's say you want to go to the Maldives but haven't decided when? You narrow it down to two weeks and just send a message in the Zoom chat that you're thinking of one of those and ask if anyone else is going to request it. We do coordinate on time off as a group. There are four of us and my boss and my boss doesn't really "count" so we really do ask of the time is okay ahead of time with the team. + I plan my vacations in advance. I also wait for them to be approved before I pay for the trips so I don't assume anything. I'm not understanding how I was rude. I only felt that I maybe used the word harassment too loosely in the workplace but two emails, a meeting and three conversations with Coworkers about how I'm difficult all in a literal 24 hour span for me felt like and still feels like harassment on the topic. She asked me to switch at 3:30 on Monday afternoon and I submitted my report around 1:30 before my lunch on Tuesday because she had made such a stink about it all. OOP explains about how her team decides on who gets time off in which month OOP: I'm not the only person off. Two other people are off too. I don't take December off because of the holiday. It's what works best for my team. We are in an outdoorsy state and they like to have summer months off for camping, family reunions, trips, whatever. We are busy and we each have a month in the year where we "burn" time to not be over the 250 and my "assigned" month is December. I'm not gatekeeping this slot due to seniority. Vacation is based on first come first serve. So when January hits, if Haley and two others requested before me, they would get it off and I'd work. The fact of the matter is she just hasn't been here that long. I've given up these days before in previous years when people have asked....nicely.   Update: December 5, 2025 (two days later) Now, some things to clear up before the update. Vacation Time: I am not the only person off every December. There are two other people off as well who Haley did not ask to cancel. They are both mothers. There is no seniority involved. It's first come first serve for time off. Lastly, I am not monopolizing the Christmas holiday. In January, we all take one of the slower days and have a 2-3 hour lunch and go over the calendar for the year of proposed vacation time. I live in a very outdoorsy state so my coworkers who are big into outdoor things locally like hiking, camping and backpacking prefer spring and summer time off. I prefer domestic and international travel to local so December is a good time for me to take off and support my team. This was a collective decision and there has never been a time when I've said no to switching days off if I did not have any traveling or plans scheduled. I've always been flexible with my team. Also, at my company, you can use PTO after 30 days during your probationary period. It is strongly suggested you complete your training first and your supervisor has discretion to deny your request at any time. Second, I was cold to Haley because she said to me "Since you don't have kids I figured you could cancel your vacation because.....". I immediately was going to shut her down because for child free people in the work place, it's a dangerous precedent to set that you'll always work when parents have something kid related going on. I replied with "I'm busy, sorry. No. 😕" and turned back around. That was my full statement. I did not give her a reason because frankly, I don't owe her details and she had rubbed me the wrong way from the start. Last, Haley is not a younger girl still wet behind the ears with a toddler. After a conversation with a different coworker about the situation, Haley is 45 and her son is 16. This is not the "toddler in daycare" scene she set it up to be. I didn't know this information when we talked so it doesn't change my actions imo. Again, she started in October and is still training so we don't have a real personal foundation laid out yet. Now for the update! Yesterday morning I came into an email from HR asking to interview me prior to Haleys meeting and my manager got one too. Lisa called me into her office to talk about it. She asked me why I got up and left so fast and I was honest with her. I told her that we both know that child free people sometimes get a stereotyped as child hating monsters and I felt Haley took it too far claiming I said things I didn't when it came to kids. Lisa said that was fair but it wouldn't have killed me to try to talk to her more and maybe hear her out. I've known Lisa for awhile so I was honest and said I wasn't willing to talk anymore after she told a few people I'm difficult it work with. Lisa was taken aback by that information and said Haley told her that she reacted the way she did because I cut her off and said as soon as she mentioned her son. I told Lisa that was wildly untrue and she can ask "Gram" who sits next to me. I listened to the entire thing. She sent a quick chat to Gram and he confirmed that I didn't cut her off and I was nice about saying no. She asked who Haley spoke to and I gave the three names given to me that she spoke with. Lisa said she would attempt to talk to them before the meeting on Friday to get a feel for what was actually said. She told me that Haley wanted to speak to me in a conference room and if I would be willing. I told her yes, because Reddit bullied me into maybe being nice. lol. Haley came into the meeting and got right into asking why I needed all the vacation time I had. Immediately I felt irritated but let it go. I told her I don't want to discuss why om taking off because I don't even tell our boss why I'm gone. I request it, she approves it. For reference, our company is huge in letting employees know you do not have to tell anyone why you're out of the office, not even your boss. She scoffed and said she felt like I didn't care that she wanted to make memories with her son and that I didn't care that she would be missing time with him. I told her I'm sorry she felt that way but I didn't really think about it in any capacity and I felt she has misled me by saying she would need to find childcare as her son is 16 (something a coworker who admitted he doesn't like Haley told me in order to let it be known her child is not a toddler as she let a few people believe). She told me not to speak about her son because he has crippling anxiety and needs care when she isn't home. I didn't speak anymore about it, but I did say I'm sorry to hear that but I'm not sure what else is there to say. At that point, she asked me what days I would be giving her. I looked and her and said "Did you call this meeting to talk to me about what days I'll be working...?" and she said "Yes, what else would I be asking you about?" this set me off but I remained calm because the meeting was being recorded (get to that in a second) so I just said "I'm sorry, I think we missed something here. I was under the impression you wanted to formally apologize, not ask for the switch still. I'm not interested and I think we should end the meeting here.". She was extremely upset and said "So you're not giving me ANY of your days?!?! You don't have anything going on!!!" and I said "I'm sorry, but I'm going to go." and she said "What the fuck ever this is such favoritism bullshit!" I told her "That is fine. I'm going to end the recording here and leave the meeting.". I pushed end on the record and got up to leave. She put her hand on my notebook (brought it out of habit) and said "Recording? There's no cameras in here." and I told her that I recorded it on my phone to stop anymore confusion about what I've actually said since there seems to be a misconception that I've said some pretty terrible things I haven't. She was visibly pissed off at this point and stormed out but doubled back and said "STATE is a consent recording state and you do NOT have my consent to record that meeting!". I told her to check her email and I moved past her back to my.desk. In all our meetings, the notes say: This meeting is being recorded. By accepting the invitation, you are giving consent to being recorded for necessary purposes Well to me, this was necessary. I'm not sure if she is aware of this but I put that note in our meeting when I sent her a time to meet so I could record for my own protection. So come this morning.... Haley is out sick. Lisa got an email from HR to reschedule the meeting for later next week as Haley emailed them saying she has Covid and hopes to be back next week. So folks, the jury is still out and hopefully next week, this is behind us. Editor's note: OOP has made lots of responses to the update post, I am posting the top common questions asked and responses Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Omg this is crazy. Now to wait and see what happens when she does turn up. Still nta OOP: When I say I was utterly pissed to clock in and see an email from HR that since she's sick, it has to be postponed. 🙄 Also, my company has a very generous Covid sick time policy too. She could be gone all next week. 😒. Commenter 1: See if she has to bring a dr note OOP: Per our policy, she has to be out over 31 days before documentation is required...😒 If she drags this into the New Year I swear....lol. Commenter 2: If she does try to take the rest of the year off like she wanted because of “illness,” you wouldn’t have to give up your vacation for her would you? OOP: No. It was approved in April and "Betty", the last coworker to be approved for time off would be asked by my boss but legally, she can't take the vacation away from us. All Lisa can do is ask. Commenter 3: She told me that Haley wanted to speak to me in a conference room and if I would be willing This should have NEVER happened. She and you should have been pulled into HR separately and immediately. NTA OOP: That's why I recorded. I didn't want to come off like I was being combative. I genuinely thought this was a formal "I'm sorry, I overreacted so can we go into the HR meeting and say this is a non-issue and I won't act like that again" kind of meeting. Lisa also gave me no indication that she knew this was what Haley meant and I emailed the recording to Lisa who did tell me privately after work that the recording didn't do Haley any favors whatsoever. Commenter 4: Did you send HR the recording? You shouldn’t let her get away with cussing at you too. OOP: Yes I did. Sent it about ten minutes after finding out how to attach it to an email without cutting the quality. I listened to it back and she just sounds disgusted with me which makes her sound insane because literally nothing has happened between us. Wasn't Lisa supposed to be at the meeting with OOP and Haley? OOP: I thought Lisa was coming and then she just didn't... I thought it was a team thing and I planned on recording regardless but then I recorded it facing Haley so she can't say its a fake audio. My phone has a kickstand on the case and I use it often. I used it to record so she didn't know I got her entire face on the record with everything that was said. + I looked at her calendar, and she was genuinely in a meeting. But I'm not absolving her of a shitty ass thing she did by not attending. I fully believe Haley acted how she acted because she felt she wasn't being watched by anyone who matters. Commenter 5: Why on earth would you tell her it was recorded!!! OOP: In my state, she has a legal right to know. If I didn't tell her, she can sue me and the company for concealing the recording and stating that she did not consent. She consented by accepting my meeting invite, but it would have cost me and the company legal funds to go to court to say that she consented. I let her know in the moment to save all of us court dates and fees honestly. Commenter 6: NTA This is funny, like I am assuming she is mostly harmless so wont go down the extreme crazy psycho route. But just asking to make sure does your home have ring doorbell cams and etc because I would get those just in case. Because well she knows when you are not going to be home (if she gets fired or not). And well she is a proven liar, already and well some people escalate quick. Like I doubt it would be anything too bad. But if she does get fired she might try to egg your house or other ways of petty (or not so petty) revenge. So I would get a neighbor you trust to keep an eye out just in case. OOP: I don't think she will escalate but my husband is a big tech guy and so our house has all the bells and whistles and also, only a few people know where I live. She would have to stalk me to get to me. Commenter 7: I don’t get what Haley wants. Is it nursing or a job where she would have to work Christmas Day or weekends? If no, she will still get plenty of time to be with her son. Is the office / place of work closed on Dec 25-Dec 28 ? That’s a decent chunk of time off. Does she want a whole month off? I don’t get it. OOP: No. That's the kicker here... We are closed the 22nd-26th and we don't work weekends.... I genuinely didn't understand what she wanted either as we are closed those four days and I'm off after next week. Come to find out, she wants the week after it into the new year off but I'm off that week and a few others are off sporadically so she got denied. OOP explains more about the meetings in the calendar OOP: So, meetings are calendar invites. So like every Monday I have the same meeting from 12:30-2. It's a reoccurring meeting so that note is always in there. Haley emailed me asking to talk and I created a new meeting in our calendar system and put that note on my meeting with her. She more than likely has never seen the note because you have to click the actual meeting for it to open up and read the notes of what the meeting it about. No one opens them because the meetings are the same and this started during Covid, so everyone in the company was/is briefed on it so we could record meetings and get work done remotely during the pandemic. And for the record, I have horrible anxiety and this situation isn't something I enjoy. I've genuinely lost sleep over it because I'm a worker bee. I like to do my job, share a laugh or two over a meme in the office chat and go home. I went to the meeting because I'm mixed and Haley is an old white women crying white lady tears and I wanted to appear cooperative. She's already labeled me aggressive and as a black woman, I just wanted to squash that and say "I am approachable and we can talk". I thought the meeting was a formal apology, not another request to use my vacation time. Commenter 8: Is Haley actually doing any work because it seems like her entire work day is just her whining and complaining about you and her absolute need to have Christmas off. I might be tempted to send a sympathy card to her son because I bet she's unbearable at home too. OOP: She's in the training phase so there are a lot of videos and bullshit like that so I can see how she has the time to do all of this. 😂 As a veteran, I don't have that luxury I'm responsible for a lot responsible of stuff.   Editor's note: marking this inconclusive since OOP has deleted her accounts   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/numbthrowaway12 Single father [38M] with daughter [17F], discovered she has a large amount of cash and I'm suspicious TRIGGER WARNING: Death of a loved one, fears of drug use MOOD SPOILER: Positive ending Original Post Dec 9, 2014 I'm a concerned father of a 17 year-old daughter seeking advice. Names have been changed to maintain some confidentiality. My background info: My wife passed away when my daughter was very young. I was still in college, but with the help of my parents, managed to finish college and graduate school while raising her. I've dated a few times since the death of my wife, but haven't been able to maintain a serious relationship due to my career and the responsibilities of raising my daughter. My relationship with my daughter, Sarah, has always been very good. Sarah shared my love of the outdoors so we used to go hiking, kayaking and camping together quite often. In the last year or so, she seemed to become interested in other activities at school so she hasn't spent as much time with me. I'm perfectly ok with that, she's growing up and coming into her own. Financially we're very secure, I've been fortunate to make a nice living in a career I enjoy, and the hours are pretty manageable. Despite that, I've tried not to spoil my daughter and make sure she understand the importance of work. In exchange for an allowance and gas money, she has to complete chores around the house as well as help our elderly neighbor (she's 90) with things like taking out the trash, getting groceries, etc. She's an A-student, participates well in school activities and used to be a girl scout until she was 14. Honestly, I've always been very proud of her. She was out with her friends Saturday to watch a movie. I had a contractor come over to replace a couple of windows in the house while she was out. Now, I've always respected her space, and she knew about this before hand. I ended up having to move around some of the furniture in her room and discovered a small box behind her drawers. Curiosity got the best of me and I opened it after the contractor was done, and there was about $3000 in cash inside! That's way too much money for her to have. After the discovery, I snooped around her room a bit and found some expensive brand-name clothing in her closet that I had never seen her wear before. Some were a bit too mature for my taste, but that's a discussion for another day. Since then, I've doubled checked my accounts to see if she had secretly taken money from my accounts, but no. I never carry much cash on me so she couldn't have stolen it from me. I don't think she's selling drugs, because I never found a stash in her room. She's not dating anybody as far as I know, so it couldn't be a boyfriend's money either. I haven't discussed the discovery with her yet, but I intend to do it tonight. Any advice on how to approach this subject with her? $3000 is a lot of money for her age, and I imagine she's spent more so we could be talking about $5000-$6000 here. I don't want to be too confrontational and would a way to bring up the subject so she feels safe enough to be completely honest with me. I'm so worried, I keep hoping she isn't caught up in something illegal that could jeopardize her future. Maybe I overlooked some signs? I'm freaking out and looking for your help here. tl;dr: Found a large amount of cash in my daughter's room. Not sure how to bring up the subject in a way that will encourage her to be honest with me about it. Any advice would help. RELEVANT COMMENTS Zorkeldschorken You need to talk to her. "I was cleaning up after the contractors left and found that box of cash under your dresser. That's a lot of money to leave lying around the house. It would probably be better to deposit that into a bank. How did you managed to save that much up, anyway?" Everyone's jumping to the worst possible scenarios (drugs/prostitution/whatever), but chances are it's perfectly innocent. She may be doing more odd jobs for other neighbors. Maybe the neighbor she's helping out has been giving her tips or more money than you're aware of. The fact that it was stashed in a box in her room is nothing to be worried about. She's 17. She's probably been keeping stuff in that box since she was a kid, and doesn't realize that a bank would be a better place. OOP Thanks for the advice, this seems like a good way to start the conversation. I don't want her to think that I'm snooping around in her bedroom and invading her privacy. I've always stressed to her the importance of dialogue and honesty, so I'm hoping she will come clean and it's nothing serious. ~ wombatzilla Does she work? I worked from the time I was 15 and I saved up enough money by the time I was 18 to buy myself a computer, a very nice film camera, and plane tickets / rent for an apartment. If she's been working that's really not that much money. Either way I think you need to just ask her about it and don't come from an accusatory place. If she responds in a secretive/angry way you know something weird is going on. If she's calm and has a reasonable explanation for it you know she's probably telling the truth. Edit: My daughter doesn't have a part-time job. She does have a savings account that I opened for her with about $1200 in it, which is why I'm worried she's keeping this money secret. She's accessed her savings account before to buy things like a new phone and camera, as well as gifts and other smaller purchases. She gets $50 a week in allowance, but if she wants to buy electronics or other things that she wants, it comes out of her savings. Any expenditure from extracurricular activities also comes out of her allowance. As for the neighbor, I've told her before that she does not have to give my daughter anything for helping out, since I'm already paying her via allowance. Edit2: The clothing were really high-end brands, like Gucci and Versace. By mature I didn't mean revealing or anything like that, just didn't seem like clothing a 17 year-old would want/wear. Also, I know $50 seems like a lot but we live in an expensive city, the cheapest takeout place near me costs like $9 just for lunch. As for my neighbor, she might be 90 but her mind is pretty sharp. I don't know why but I didn't think about her slipping my daughter cash here and there, so that's a possibility. The more I think about it, the calmer I'm feeling. I'll talk to her tonight and explain the circumstances of my discovery, and take it from there. Update Dec 12, 2014 (3 days later) I was signed into this account on my laptop and noticed I received PMs asking for an update to my post. So, here it is. I had a long talk with my daughter Sarah that night. I sat her down and described the circumstances of the discovery. I explained that I was worried because it's a large sum of money and I didn't want her savings to be stolen. Well, turns out the elderly neighbor, Anne, has been giving her cash for the better part of a year now. Anne wanted her to have the money to help with college expenses, and told Sarah to keep it a secret from me because I've always refused to accept money from her. Sarah also told me that part of the money was her own. She had been saving up for my birthday present and didn't want to put it in the savings account because, well, she'd have to ask me and it wouldn't be a surprise anymore. Later in the conversation, I brought up the expensive clothing. Those were throwaways from her friend's mother. Her friend is really tall so she couldn't wear them and gave them to Sarah instead. They needed some slight alterations so she hasn't worn them yet. I apologized for snooping and explained that as a father, I was obviously concerned for her well-being. I also assured her that we are financially stable and that I've put aside enough money for her college expenses. I told her to keep an eye out for Anne, to make sure that her welfare is not affected by the money she's paying Sarah. Also, I asked her to write a thank-you card to her friend's mom and to include a present for her at Christmas this year. After the revelations, I wanted to reward her for her savings habit, so I offered to start a checking account for her and we looked into the options online. Turns out, the bank I use offers a junior checking which I can co-sign (overdraft fees, etc) for her. It turns into her own personal account at 18. She'll have the use of a debit card, the bank also offers an online-based financial planning guide, so she will read that before starting the account. We're going to the local branch to set that up for her this weekend. Sarah seemed to reflect well to our talk. She took the opportunity to reveal that she has been in a relationship for a couple of months. I've actually met her girlfriend a few times before, they go to the same school and I just thought they were good friends so that was a surprise. So yes, she came out of the closet to me. Being a dad, I still verified the clothing story with her friend's mom. Overall, I'm happy it was just me dramatically overreacting. However, I do feel rather guilty for the minor panic attack I had. As a parent, it's astonishing sometimes how quickly your child grows up. Just another part of the learning process I guess. P/S: I didn't reduce her allowance but did encourage her to keep saving because it's an excellent habit. tl;dr: Money from neighbor, clothes from friend's mom, so she's getting her own checking account. She also disclosed she's in a relationship. Worst of all, my tortured soul is left wondering what she's buying for my birthday. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is oregonhomebound. She posted in r/AITAH Paragraph breaks added for readability. Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes for the rec! Do NOT Comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. Trigger Warning: emotional abuse; manipulation Mood Spoiler: happy ending Original Post: September 24, 2025 Okay so, me (23f) my bf (32m) have been together about 6 months. We meet through a mutual friend, and basically hit it off the moment we met. Great conversation, great chemistry and he checked all my boxes for a partner. A little back story, I met him about a year after leaving my relationship of 8 years. He had also just ended his marriage with the mother of one of his kids. (He has 2) I never saw a partner having kids as a bad thing, I've always loved kids and have always admired people who step up to raise kids that aren't their own, my step dad, my step grandpa, my aunt, and uncle. Non blood related to me but all played huge parts in my life and have all raised kids that aren't theirs and are amazing loving step parents. When we met I was living with my grandparents at the time because I had just moved across the country after I ended things with my partner of 8 years. I'm also a part-time student, and I work part-time. Between work school and studying my plate is already full. When my bf and I first got together I'd cook and clean when I came over as a nice gesture because I can see his hands were full working full time and being a father to 2 kids. He has full custody of the oldest and 50/50 of the youngest. He would constantly bring up how nice it was whenever I came over. He would mention that it since it's such a long drive from where I was staying with my grandparents to his house that I should just move in. I kind of laughed this off at first because we had been dating for such a short amount of time at the time it was only one to two months. He ended up convincing me to move in and at the time it sounded like a good idea to me. He told me we would have more time to spend together, more time to go on hikes together. I should also mention that I'm a very active person I go to the gym three or four times a week hiking horseback riding or any physical activity that I could possibly do in my free time. When we first started talking my bf made it sound like he was into all of those things too talking about how he was raised on a farm, how he just never had the time. And if I moved in that me helping around the house and with the kids, it would free up more time for us to spend together. Fast forward I moved in, some what I against my grandparents wishes. They think BF is a good guy, but don't think that he's the guy for me. It's now been 6 months, I've been living here for about 4, and we haven't gone on a single hike, played a single sport or done any physical activity aside from walking to the grocery store together. I brought up multiple times how physical activity and an active lifestyle for things that I need for my mental and physical health. Whenever this is brought up he constantly brings up who we have no time, and that the gas money alone it would take to get to these things makes it not worth it. Mind you, whenever he does have free time he spends it on the couch watching anime for hours at a time. Or on video games for a kid you not 6 to 8 hours at a time. All the while I'm left with two kids to look after a house to clean and dinner to make. Now my BF is a good guy, he's a patient father, and a kind boyfriend. But I feel like he is too stuck in his ways, or to comfortable with the life that he has now to consider my feelings and change. I feel like I have become some sort of replacement for his ex-wife or live-in Nanny. It should also be a good time to mention he likes to make jokes, about how a woman's place is in the kitchen, how cooking and cleaning is for women and he only helps when we are having food that needs to be cooked on his outdoor grill as I'm not allowed to touch it because he thinks I'll break it? I was also under the impression when I moved in that he would be paying for all of the bills(the house bills and his bills) (I pay for my own bills), being as how I make minimum wage and work 20 hours a week I can barely afford my own bills but lately he's been asking for me to pay $500 for rent mind you this is half of my monthly income, and if I did pay it I wouldn't be able to afford my own bills. I do love this man and I don't want to abandon him with all of his responsibilities, and raising his two kids on his own. I never put much thought into being a mother and always assumed that if it happened I would be in a loving marriage with a man that has the same outlook on life as I do. Another thing to note not only does he not live in active lifestyle but he doesn't see it as important for his children to either. They sit inside all day on their phones and tablets sometimes not moving from the couch or their bed for the entire day. It makes me sad, but since these are not my children I have no authority to put them into sports or to take them to do any physical activity. I've noticed since moving in my mental health has significantly declined, and my physical health is going down the drain. I don't know how to go about this, how to tell him I'm not happy, how to tell him that I love him but I am not in love with him any longer, or how to leave his two children that I have grown very fond of and love. I've already talked to my grandparents and I'm welcome home anytime I please. Any advice on what I should do is more than welcome, I'm so sad and heartbroken that this wonderful kind man isn't who I thought he was. OOP's only 2 comments: ShawnTaerow: Uh... OP was in a relationship from age 13/14 for 8 years?!? Am I doing the math right? OOP: Yes. Replying again: 14. Top Comments: SuccessfulAd4606: Gee, who could have foreseen that moving in with a guy nearly 10 years older with 2 kids after only dating a couple of months would go so wrong? Of course you should break up, you have approximately zero in common. Anna_jax: This is really sad to read. Clearly he wanted you to move in so you could cook, clean and look after his kids while he seemingly relaxes. He also clearly doesn't care about your interests, you've expressed that being active is important to you and he just doesn't care. You should leave, it's a shame for the kids but that's not your responsibility. Your grandparents are right, he is not the man for you! SheepherderEmpty2481: Yeah, he didn't want a partner, he wanted a maid and a nanny. Get up before you end up having a baby too. NTA. Update Post: November 12, 2025 (1.5 months later) Title: I finally left him. Update I finally left him, back in September I made a post "AITAH for wanting to leave my bf of 6 months" and every comment said yes so I moved out Oct 1st, I know a lot of people on the original post wanted an update and to know that I did it and I'm sorry for not updating. I debated a lot on if I should or not so here we go. I 23f had a 32m boyfriend who had 2 kids, I work and take collage classes at the same time. The relationship quickly turned into me being the caretaker for his kids and him while I also juggled work and school. Everyone who commented on my original post brought to my attention how he turned me into a bang nanny and how I was naive. I thank all of you for that btw. I left Oct, 1st and moved back into my grandma's house where I have been ever since. Life has gotten so much easier for me, I'm not constaly stressed and I don't have to worry about paying a good portion of his rent/groceries anymore. He did try to get me to come back many times. Calling me, texting me, how much he loves me and how he'll never find another woman like me and how I was his one true soulmate. I wasn't buying it, I stood firm in my choice and life has been better. He texted me the other day telling me he slept with an ex fling of his. She is older, and known for sleeping with anyone who looks at her. He told me how disgusting he felt after and how he wished I didn't hurt him so much. Basically telling me it was all my fault he slept with her. Long story short my life is amazing, now he isn't in it! I've gone on 2 girls trips and 3 solo hikes and my smile has never been brighter! I owe it all to you reddit❤️ submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/NectarineNeither7912 in r/TrueOffMyChest and her own profile. BORU 1 BORU 2 BORU 3 BORU 4 BORU 5 BORU 6 BORU 7 NOTE: This post is very long so I'm including a summary for earlier posts. Read the earlier BORUs for the full text of the posts. trigger warnings: teen pregnancy, coercion, drunk driving, severe bodily injury mood spoiler: from complicated to ever more complicated My parents are forcing me to give my baby up for adoption - May 17, 2024 OOP is 16 and pregnant by her 18 yr old FWB. She's been pregnant for 15 weeks and it's too late for an abortion where she lives. Her parents don't believe in abortion and tell her that her punishment for getting pregnant is that she'll have to go through with it and give the baby up for adoption. They don't want her to ruin her life and refuse to help raise the baby in any way. OOP didn't get an abortion earlier as she was scared, and she doesn't want to give up her baby for adoption but feels cornered. Her FWB knows and thinks adoption is the best option. My parents are forcing me to give my baby up for adoption - update - June 24, 2024 OOP is reluctantly looking at families for adoption. Her FWB is is heading off to military school. OOP thinks of getting married to him since the military would pay for medical care and a residence. OOP can't decide on a family as none of them seem good enough to her for her baby. My parenting are forcing me to give my baby up for adoption - update having a boy - July 2, 2024 OOP has an ultrasound and finds the baby is a boy. OOP wishes she knew she could get abortion pills mailed to her earlier but has decided to keep her baby. Her parents criticise her and call her a slut. OOP is unsure if her FWB would stay with her if she kept the baby. My parents are forcing me to give my baby up for adoption - I’m getting married and moving in with strangers - July 25, 2024 OOP is 24 weeks pregnant now and has just turned 17. Her parents are still trying to force an adoption, and tell her she is on her own if she decides to keep the baby. Her FWB's parents are willing to support her if she keeps the baby. Her parents are refusing to keep her till she turns 18, and say that once she's married, she's not their problem. OOP can't understand how her parents can approve of her being married at 17, but not support her in finishing her GED. She could still get back in their good graces if she went along with the adoption but knows things would never be the same between them. OOP updated after the earlier BORU post was made. - Aug 5, 2024 OOP makes it clear that she is not interested in adoption. Instead she asks for information from any military spouses on what to expect. She also asks for people to help out with career suggestions after school that pay well. She and her FWB are getting married and her parents keep telling her her plan is dumb. She also clarifies it wasn't statutory rape and that they both simply messed up. My parents are forcing me to give my baby up for adoption - another update - Aug 23, 2024 OOP is feeling sad about her parents abandoning her and feels like an outcast at school as a pregnant student. She isn't sure whether to finish school or drop out and get a GED. Her future in-laws have setup a room for her and painted it her favourite color. My parents are forcing me to give my baby up for adoption - update, I’m married now - Sep 16, 2024 OOP is 32 weeks pregnant and due in 8 weeks. She and her FWB finally got married at the courthouse. As her family didn't show up, she requested that his family not be present when they got married. His mother got them cake and gave her jewelry, but OOP was freaking out and feeling uncomfortable. After that, OOP and his parents returned home while her hubby headed to military tech school. From here, OOP started updating on her own profile. Another update to my post about my parents trying to make me give my baby up for adoption - the baby is almost here - Oct 22, 2024 OOP is living with her in-laws and around a month out from her due date. She is changing her last name as she doesn't want to be linked to her parents any more. Her parents haven't spoken to her. She feels bad about not wanting her in-laws at her wedding and apologised to them. She still feels like a guest living at their place. Her husband is off at the military and will be tied up at least for a year, with short breaks for Thanksgiving and Christmas. She is continuing at her school instead of switching to remote schooling. OOP updated after the earlier BORU was posted - Oct 31, 2024 OOP is close to her due date. Everything is ready for her baby, though she still has a hard time thinking about it. She talks to her hubby a few times a week. My baby is here - Nov 10, 2024 OOP's baby is born on Nov 3rd. Her mom was there for the birth which was awkward. Her mom was critical of everything and disliked the name OOP picked for her child. OOP is confused on why her parents are trying to pretend like everything is ok after having kicked her out. Her hubby came home for a few days to meet his child. OOP then posted to r/inlaws How do you deal with a MIL that’s TOO nice? - Nov 23, 2024 OOP talks about how her MIL goes out of her way to make her feel comfortable, but ironically, this makes OOP feel somewhat uncomfortable since her own mother was never this affectionate. She understands MIL is only trying to be helpful but still feels awkward about all the help. OOP updated after this BORU was posted - Dec 27, 2024 OOP finished her semester from home. She finds being a mom very hard, though she doesn't regret her decision. She got a few gifts from her parents on Christmas but they didn't come by. OOP spent Christmas with her ILs. Her hubby is home for the holidays. He's suggested moving out to where he's stationed but OOP isn't ready for that yet. They had sex in the shower. She clarifies that she is not considering adoption. She is looking into trades to see if anything interests her. Her parents felt that she should go to college, not get into a trade, and told her that if she went into a trade, she was on her own. OOP realises that her parents only "support" her if she does exactly what they tell her to do. She decides not to raise her son that way. I’m so sad - Jan 2, 2025 I’m so sad and I don’t know what to do about it. I miss my family. I’m hurt by my parents and I seem to realize more each day the different things my parents did that good parents wouldn’t do, but I still miss them. I can’t believe they didn’t even ask about seeing me on Christmas. They just dropped gifts off for me here, didn’t even give them to me in person. I talked to my mom on the phone twice on Christmas. She said she was going to call me today, but never did. My dad only texts me, pretty short texts. He said happy new year and then when I tried to initiate a conversation, nothing. My “husband” went back to the base where he’s at for his training. Sorry, I still can’t say husband with a straight face. How am I 17 years old with a husband, and my parents signed off on this? I would never let my son get married at 17. Today I’m having one of those days that I have sometimes where I can’t believe certain aspects of my life. Like, they just don’t seem true and I just have to repeat tj over and over to myself. They more I repeat it the more unreal it seems “I’m married” is probably the biggest one that I struggle with. It’s very weird. I even have a military ID now. We had to go to the base closest to where we live here when he was home over Christmas to get it. I can’t believe there’s a marriage certificate with my name on it. It seriously feels like an out of body experience or something. He flew back there early this morning. I’ve been crying over it since yesterday. I had so much anxiety yesterday that I was nauseous and shivering - I looked it up and anxiety chills are a thing. I never experienced that before. I just had this horrible feeling that something terrible was going to happen. Other than the sad moments I had, everything was so great over the Christmas break. It was like I just wanted it to go on like that forever, minus the whole actual Christmas Day itself and missing my family part. We spent a lot of time all together, playing games, watching movies, going out to eat, going to local Christmas events and stuff. I actually enjoyed it and didn’t feel like an awkward 4th wheel most of the time. It felt really nice. It reminded me of my family, back when my parents weren’t ashamed of me. We used to do those things together too. It wasn’t even that bad when I had to meet all of his extended family at a Christmas party his parents had, which I was dreading of course. He won’t be able to come home again until next Christmas most likely. We plan to fly out and visit him sometime this year, probably in the spring, but that means he might only see our son 2 times in person for the whole year. We spent a lot of time all together, playing games, watching movies, going out to eat, going to local Christmas events and stuff. I actually enjoyed it and didn’t feel like an awkward 4th wheel most of the time. It felt really nice. I’m supposed to go back to regular school next week. My mother in law arranged for an aunt to take care of my son during the day. She watches 2 other family kids and she’s like 60 and total grandma vibes at her house. I mean, I think he’d be safe there. I just don’t really know her, but I wouldn’t know anyone watching him at a daycare either. I don’t really have a choice. I’m the one who stubbornly wanted to finish normal school just to prove to somebody (not sure who I’m trying to prove anything to) that I could. Now I regret it. I would rather just stay home with him all day and do online school, but I feel like now we’ve gotten so far with this plan of me going back to school. I have desire to go back there now. My friends there aren’t really my friends anymore. I’m just going to be that married girl with the baby. I don’t know that I can go back there. The thought just makes me want to be absorbed into the wall where nobody can see me. The nice messages people have sent me here have helped. Honestly, sometimes I just re-read the really nice messages when I need a pick me up. Nobody has to comment on this post. I’m not really making this post for people to respond to, more just to get my feelings out somewhere because I feel like they’re suffocating me otherwise. My husband was in an accident - Jan 31, 2025 My husband was in an accident about 2 weeks ago. It had nothing to do with his military training. The training he’s doing right now is all in a classroom anyway, so not really the type of stuff that would cause injuries. He was a passenger in a car being driven by his friend. A drunk driver hit them. His friend wasn’t drinking and passed a breathalyzer test. The drunk guy got a non-serious gash on his head. The friend who was driving only got bruises from his seat belt, but mentally is very shaken up supposedly. My husband has a head injury that was so bad he had to be rushed into emergency surgery to have part of his skull removed to relieve the pressure. He’s since been lifeflighted to a different hospital that has a specialized neurological ICU department. He was conscious and breathing on his own but out of it when they brought him to the hospital. They did a brain scan and he had swelling and his brain basically hit both sides of his skull. After surgery, he was placed in a medically induced coma for 48 hours to allow his brain to rest. I guess I’m totally stupid and didn’t realize when you’re in a medically induced coma you also have to be on a ventilator and all that stuff. He had a seizure when they tried to slowly bring him out of the coma, so he was put back under, but when it was time to take him out of it again he didn’t have another seizure. So he is totally out of the medically induced coma and he can breathe on his own fine. He’s still heavily sedated and sleeps a lot of the time. He has extreme head pain so that’s why he’s still very sedated and on pain medications. He’s in the neurological ICU still. The good news is that he responds to all stimuli, can sort of talk, and so far his brain monitoring all shows very positive results. They are constantly monitoring his brain and doing tests and his baseline test was really good considering the situation, and it continues to show improvement. The current doctors say that the first doctors not hesitating to immediately open up his skull probably prevented the most extreme brain damage or death. Had they waited, got second opinions, or done more tests before cutting him open it probably would have been a worse outcome. But he’s not his normal self. He will have impairments, we just don’t know what or how bad. He cannot express himself verbally like normal. His eye coordination is also affected right now. That’s probably not the right term, but visually and eye focus wise he’s having issues. Motor skills are not 100%. He doesn’t remember the accident at all but he’s able to recognize people, knows what year it is, things like that. The doctors are recommending that he be sent to a rehab facility after he’s discharged from the hospital, but the full extent of how long and what he’ll need help with aren’t even known yet. He’s not ready to leave the hospital. He’s still in the ICU, but they are planning to step him down out of the ICU soon. If everything goes well, he will eventually be able to have the part of his skull put back in, but that won’t be any time soon, like many weeks or possibly months. I haven’t seen him in person. I mean, I’ve seen videos of him but I’m not there. His parents flew out there to be with him immediately and they’re still there. I’m here by myself with my baby and that’s also sort of terrifying because I’ve never been alone with him for so long. I’ve been going to school like normal this whole time too. I didn’t tell anyone at school about what was going on because I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me and it’s just sort of weird to say “btw, my child’s father is in a medically induced coma right now.” Last week was really difficult and I almost didn’t make it through. I didn’t get a big assignment done for one of my classes and I finally had a breakdown and told my one teacher about everything. Of course they had to bring in the school counselor and it turned into this big thing that I really didn’t want to happen. I went to school this week but I just couldn’t do it today. I didn’t have it in me. I couldn’t wait for tomorrow to be off, so I just didn’t go in today. It’s hard for me because my entire life growing up I was never allowed to take off school. I mean, I had to be SUPER sick for my parents to even consider letting me stay home for a day and I was like guilted about it, so I feel like I’m in trouble for taking off just one day. I was basically just crying and unable to function this morning. So yeah his whole plan of a military career and retiring from the military is gone. Even if he makes a full recovery, he can never be in the military again with these injuries. And I know it sounds really selfish, but I’m also worried about like what does this mean for me and my son? I’m scared, because the whole thing was like we had a little stability and security since he at least had a job and benefits. I’m obviously not going to even bring any of that up to his parents right now. I get that the only thing they’re concerned about right now is him and that’s how it should be. I don’t know what to do. I feel bad that I’m here. It’s not like I said I didn’t want to go out there to be with him. There was really never a discussion about it. It was just like they were going, not even sure how bad it was at the time, and I’d stay here so I wouldn’t miss school. It’s not like school is like a job where you can just take extended leave for a family emergency. Still, I feel guilty about being here. At the same time, I also don’t really want to go out there to be with him. That sounds so bad. It just scares me. I’ve never seen anyone in the hospital connected to all the machines. I was truly shocked when his parents sent me a photo. I wasn’t prepared for that. They keep me updated but I question how updated I really am. I think they don’t always share all the details, probably in an effort not to worry me or scare me. I’ve had to look up several of the things they’ve told me because they don’t go into detail. I feel like I’m being treated like their child, like they decided mom and dad would go out there and leave me, the kid, at home because this is too much for me. They also are keeping information from me and trying to sugar coat it when they talk to me. But, what can I do about it? I do basically feel like I’m their kid. I mean, that’s pretty much the dynamic so it’s hard for me to speak up still. I know he is way more affected by this than I am, but I feel like now my whole life is up in the air again. I feel like I’m in limbo. I worried about things like “what if he actually falls in love with somebody and divorces me unexpectedly before I’m ready to support myself?” Those are the things I worried about coming along and disturbing my plans. Not something like this. Quick update - Feb 16, 2025 I guess my posts are now on TikTok and YouTube because I’m getting ton of messages telling me that all of a sudden. Even though im sure most people really are who they say they are, I’m not doing DMs right now. I’m still creeped out by the people I was talking to before who started out sounding very convincing. Unfortunately, I also don’t have time to respond to each message. But I’m thankful for the nice messages of support from anyone who is real and has messaged me. My husband is still in the hospital but out of the ICU. It’s been over a month since the accident happened. They’re working on getting him transferred to a rehab place near the hospital he’s at now. He has to wear a helmet to protect his head, so he has a custom made helmet to fit his head perfectly. He really wanted to get up and walk. Right now, he can only take a few steps with assistance. It’s really sad. He’s really frustrated. He’s told me twice when I’ve been talking to him that he wants to die. His mom’s still out there with him but his dad came home to return to work. I also feel sort of guilty because I feel like they decided one of them had to come home because of me. I’m glad to not be here alone anymore. I started to feel really uncomfortable and scared in the house all alone. His dad is a retired military guy and doesn’t usually show a ton of emotions but when he came home he hugged my son so tight and his eyes got all teary. We went out for ice cream on Valentine’s Day (not in a weird way like a date…I think he was just trying to cheer me up). My son had his first taste of ice cream and he liked it! ) Don’t worry, I’m not feeding a baby ice cream - it was literally just a taste off my finger). I filmed it to show his dad. It seems to be one of the only safe topics to talk about with him. He has asked to see him and he seems to prefer seeing him on the phone than when I try to talk to him about anything. He doesn’t really want to talk - either because of the issues he now has with speaking or because all he wants to tell me is how he wants to die. Me and the baby are going out there in March. He’ll still be in the rehab facility. He already has rehab people coming into the hospital to work with him. Nobody can say for sure how long rehab will take and there are different levels of rehab at the place he’ll be going to. His mom said it could be up to 6 months based on what they’re telling her, but not to talk about that to him because he already told her he won’t go to stay in the transitional living rehab later on. I feel useless. I don’t know what to do or say or how to help. Visited my husband - Mar 21, 2025 Since my story was shared on YouTube and TikTok I’ve received a lot of support and I’m so thankful for all of the messages I’ve received. Some people have been worried about me but I’m ok. Last week we (mil, fil, me, and my baby) flew out to see my husband. He’s in a rehab now. I was really nervous to fly. I’ve flown before but I literally see a new story about a plane crash or similar every single day. I was also worried about flying with a baby, but he slept most of the time on the plane. I’m sensitive to how loud it is in the plane, so I thought ahead and got him baby ear protection headphones. Multiple times I was referred to as his sister by strangers but oh well. It sounds horrible but I was really dreading seeing him at the rehab. I couldn’t imagine what to say or do. It’s like him but not him at the same time. Plus I don’t really know how to describe it, but I struggle with expressing touchy feely things. My family isn’t like that so it’s sort of weird and uncomfortable for me. It’s like I want to say how I genuinely feel, or say heartfelt encouraging loving things and I feel this things inside, but saying them out loud feels so uncomfortable and sounds weird coming out of my mouth. When we got there he surprised us by showing us he could walk unassisted, but he still usually uses something or somebody as support when he walks. He is practicing walking more unassisted but walking is tiring for him. He was able to walk and push the stroller using that as support. He’s been working hard on walking and strengthening the side that was weakened. He’s wasn’t paralyzed on one side, but it’s like he couldn’t use his one side as well. I forget what the name of that is. His speech has gotten a lot better. He sounds a lot more normal when he talks but still struggles to find the right words sometimes and it’s like his brain can process the things he wants to say at a normal rate, but whatever signals send the message from the brain to the mouth don’t work as fast. So he’ll say half a sentence and then sort of have to concentrate hard on getting the second half of it out of his mouth. It’s still a lot better than what he was like a month ago. I was actually sort of sad coming home but I don’t really know if it had anything to do with missing him or feeling bad about leaving him there. Well I did feel bad. He wants out of there but staying there is what’s best for him. But I’m really just struggling being back in the real world, having to go to school and just the day in and day out of everything. I’m just so tired all the time. I don’t really know what’s going to happen now, like once he finally does come home. I feel like I’m just sort of stuck. Where else would I go? There are much worse situations to be stuck in. I don’t know, it’s just that the whole plan we had is all gone and I guess it just makes me so anxious. Update on me, my baby, and my husband - May 13, 2025 I’m not sure if anyone is even following me anymore, but just want to post an update. Thanks to everyone who sent me messages wishing me a happy Mother’s Day. I know I didn’t respond to all of them but I’m surprised and thankful that anyone thought of me at all. It was a weird first Mother’s Day. It felt uncomfortable being considered a mother. I know I am, and I love my son, but I still have a hard time seeing myself as a mom and I guess anything to draws attention to me being a mom makes me feel sort of weird. I actually got a card from my parents. I’ve been talking to them, mainly via text. I don’t want to shut them out of my life, but I also can’t and won’t forget how they treated me. I’d like to have some sort of relationship with them though. I think they are softening up a little over everything. I didn’t really get my mom anything. I sent her flowers. I couldn’t really justify getting her a gift. I got my mil a gift but not my own mother. My husband had surgery to replace the part of his skull that was temporarily removed. He’s back in the rehab facility now. It was a pretty short hospital stay for the surgery. Thankfully there were no complications. I’d say it set him back a little, because obviously he wasn’t able to work on ll of the different things they have him doing at rehab, but he seems to be making up ground now. Overall, he’s improved so much since going to the rehab. And now he’s able to be a lot more independent and doesn’t need nurses doing everything for him, which I know makes him feel a lot better. He sounds a lot more like his old when he talks, but will still sometimes stop mid sentence when he can’t think of the word he was trying to say or where he was going with the thought. He still struggles with some weakness on one side of his body, but is able to walk and use his hand and arm on that side, but they aren’t as strong and he can’t grip things as easily with that hand. He has special therapy to work on being able to grasp things and pick up small things with that hand. His mood really fluctuates a lot. Sometimes he seems positive and just happy to be alive, and other times he’s very depressed and has a “my life is over” attitude. It literally seems to change from day to day sometimes and with nothing specific that triggers it. The doctors have said this is normal and we should expect it. They want to put him on antidepressants but he’s resisting it. He says they won’t help because they won’t make it so he can go back to the military or do anything he had always planned to do with his life. I’ve only seen him really cry once, and it was over being medically discharged from the military and essentially having to figure out his whole life over again, and now essentially with a disability. He basically feels like a loser because not only does he have to start from 0 again, but he has me and our son and at least he felt like not as big of a failure before because at least he had a job and could sort of support us or had hopes of doing it. Now he’s a 19 year old with a wife and kid, no job, no plans, and has to go back home to live with his parents. I sort of blame myself in a way. Like, I know it’s not my fault that the accident happened, but I can’t help but sometimes think about how if one thing had been different it just wouldn’t have happened to him. I was driving his car back home. So he didn’t have his car there with him. If he had his car, he might not have been riding in his friend’s car and then he wouldn’t have been hurt. He says he wasn’t going to drive his car across the country anyway, so he wouldn’t have had that car with him. I think he’s just saying that to not make me feel bad. He also couldn’t buy a new car out there because he was paying for me and our son, and saving money for when I was supposed to move to wherever he got stationed. They have like a transitional housing part of the rehab. Like a step down sort of program where residents live in apartment sort of housing. He wouldn’t be able to go there yet but he already said he doesn’t want to go. He wants to finish there and then come home. His parents have each gone out there and visited him since the time we all went. I’ve only gone the one time. I plan to go again sometimes after school ends, because he’s going to be there for a few more months. It’ll be my first time ever flying alone. Well, I’ll probably take my son with me and that’s even scarier flying alone with him. My son is getting so big! He weighed 17 pounds at his last checkup last week. He just started sitting on his own without any support. He seems pretty strong to me. He started rolling over at 4 months and he can hold himself up and even sort of drag himself a short distance now. It’s sort of mind blowing how fast it has happened and how he’s not just a little newborn who can fit in one arm anymore. He doesn’t make a ton of noise though. Like he doesn’t babble a lot. I know he’s too young to be talking yet but most things say babies are making a lot of noise now. The doctor isn’t concerned, but I always get nervous if I read something he’s supposed to be doing by his age that he’s not doing yet. He recognizing voices of people he knows, well mainly me, his grandparents, his dad, and the relative who watches him during the day, and reacts to them. Thankfully we can do video calls so he can see his dad and hear his voice, and he will turn toward it if somebody else is talking to him and he can overhear it. I just feel really tired. I keep waiting for the day I don’t feel so tired, but it never comes. He still usually wakes up once at night. It’s usually always around the same time, so at least I know when it’s going to happen. It’s usually around 2 am. He doesn’t even really want to eat that much when he wakes up, but it’s like he wakes up and poops and pees at that time every night and wants changed, because it’s like fresh pee and poop every time. Honestly, I feel like I’m living someone else’s life half the time. Like I’m watching it all happen and just playing along because what else am I supposed to do? It’s kind of funny how the distance and the whole situation has made things feel a little different but also the same in a weird way. He’ll text me sometimes, like he’s expecting some kind of reaction. He knows what he’s doing. Honestly, I can’t even tell if he’s bored or if he’s actually still trying to get me to respond in the same way we used to when things were just casual, before I got pregnant or any of this stuff happened. Yes we had sex back then but we also talked a lot. We could talk for ages and I felt like I could talk to him about almost anything. But then after I got pregnant and we got married and he was away at training, it just sort of stopped. It’s not like we never talked but we didn’t have conversations like we used to. We almost felt more like strangers than we did before, I can’t explain it. Now when we talk, it feels like we’re still the same as before - minus the physical part. NEW UPDATE BEGINS HERE Summer’s here and I just flew across the country alone with my baby to visit my husband in rehab - Jun 12, 2025 A lot has happened in the past month. The school year’s over and I’ve never been more relieved! I was really struggling to care and to stay motivated. I had more than a few breakdowns towards the end. I just got back from visiting my husband. He’s still in rehab across the country. His parents have each gone back and visited him since we all went together, but I haven’t been able to go because of school. I flew by myself with my son. I can’t believe I did it! I’ve never even flown on my own without a baby before, so it made me pretty nervous. My mil started to get worried about it and didn’t like the idea of me being by myself with a baby in a city so far away. She really wanted me to leave him there with her. My husband wanted me to bring him. Ultimately my fil convinced my mil that everything would be ok and that I could handle it. I honestly didn’t know if I believed him myself. The first time we all flew together he slept through most of the flights, but this time he was so cranky and he pooped in the middle of the longest flight on the way out there too. My husband is doing amazing. If you just met him on the street you’d probably never know that he had a serious head injury less than 6 months ago and had to have his skull opened up. Well, he has a scar from the surgery spot. He’s not exactly like he was before. He still has one side slightly weaker than the other. Mentally he’s all there and seems just like himself again, except for that delayed processing time when he’s trying to get his thoughts out sometimes. He can walk around no problem now, whereas before he got very tired and needed to hold onto something for support. Emotionally he still goes up and down but he’s going to therapy to deal with this huge life change now and it seems to be working a little. He also used to have perfect 20/20 vision, but now his vision is a little off. They don’t fully know if the accident had anything to do with it and it could just be a coincidence. It’s nothing that glasses can’t fix. He also suffers from off and on ear problems on one side and sometimes he can barely hear out of the one ear, and that is from the accident. I was only there for 5 days in total. My in laws paid for the whole thing. I stayed at a hotel really close to the rehab he’s at. He was able to leave for 2 days and spend the night with me. We were still able to spend plenty of time together on the other days. It’s not like a prison. I mean he sort of feels like it is and he can’t wait to leave, but he’s allowed to basically do what he wants now between all of his appointments and therapy sessions. It’s in a really beautiful area and they have a lot of outdoor space, so we spent a lot of time out there. I met all of the staff that work with him, all of the various therapists and stuff. For anyone who has family close by, they’d be there a lot and involved with the patient’s therapy. There aren’t many people in that situation since it’s military and families don’t usually live close by. Just like every time when I haven’t seen him in person for a while, I felt shy around him at first. I don’t know why I always get that way. We have a kid together and I still feel shy every time I got a long time without seeing him, and that’s even with us talking all the time now. We had sex 8 times in the 5 days I was there. One of the times was unprotected, but I’m on birth control now and I hope it works. I didn’t necessarily know if that was going to happen at all, but I guess I probably should have known based on our conversations before hand. At first he said he just wanted to make sure he still could, but that was a lie because I knew that body part still worked just fine already. It just took that one time for me to stop feeling shy. I wasn’t the biggest fan of being alone with my son at the hotel or when traveling back and forth to the rehab. I had to remind myself that I’m not a little kid, I’m my son’s mom and I can take care of him. I’m not scared to take care of him, it was more like I felt vulnerable like something bad could happen to me or that I wouldn’t be able to protect my son all on my own if we encountered a creep. It just felt so weird to be traveling alone with my son, like “who let me do this?” I know that probably sounds weird. It looks like he’ll be coming home sometime late July. He’s not officially been discharged from the military yet. It’s going to happen and he’s known for a while that it was going to happen. His doctors have been telling him for months that there’s no way he’s returning to active duty and they couldn’t ever advise that he does. Then again, they also didn’t expect him to be as far along in his recovery now and they kept preparing us for him having much more obvious and bigger disabilities. Obviously it’s not as simple as the doctors saying he’s discharged. Paperwork has been started and I don’t fully understand most of the military processes to be honest. There’s a whole transition process there where he’s at, and he’ll be connected to another rehab place closer to home where he can continue whatever he needs to continue as an outpatient. He’s ready to get out of there, but he’s kind of depressed about coming home and living in his old bedroom again. It’s not what he planned. He doesn’t want to be sitting around here doing nothing though, so he wants to enroll in college asap. His doctors are advising him to wait. I think that’s strange. Wouldn’t it be good for him to have something to focus on? What do they expect him to do for 6+ months? Won’t sitting around at home be very depressing? He’s not the type that can just sit around and I don’t think it’d be healthy for him mentally. I think it’ll still be a big adjustment for everyone when he comes home. It’ll be the first time he’s spent more than a few nights in the same place as our son. He enjoys spending time with him now, but he’s never experienced the normal day to day taking care of a baby for an extended time. We’ve never lived together or spent more than a few nights under the same roof. I just hope things go well when he comes home. Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. submitted by /u/peach_tea_drinker to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Context/Backstory The Trump administration introduced tariffs on all countries last week and is issuing orders to help mitigate the impact. One of them involves the Security of Agriculture, as Brook Rollins announced they are moving to eliminate environmental safeguards on more than half of the nation’s national forests, opening up 59% of the land for logging and boosting timber and lumber production. The official reason from the White House cites the danger from wildfires as the reason for the change. Today's Discussion /r/Conservative's post about this is titled Trump administration opens up over half of national forests for logging and it shoots up to the front page. The post is hard to document as it's heavily censored, despite being Flaired Users Only™️. Unddit shows that 370 of the 496 comments, 74.6% of them were removed by the moderation team and the post itself has been removed. Unddit link | Reveddit link Some Choice Excerpts Initial spat I’m having a hard time feeling great about this. Over half? Bruh. Logging drops the price of lumber which gets homes built, which we massively need. Wood is also a renewable resource that should be replanted right after being cleared. A pine plantation takes about 20-30 years to regrow. So, if you plan to boost logging, it is a short-term solution. You are going to need lean years to follow to make up for it. Necessary for national security. Or, would you prefer Canada holding back or leveraging us with high priced timber? We can find sources of nearly every raw material we need. We just need to stay the hell out of our own way, and allow ourselves to sustainably harvest what we need again... I'm 100% ok with this. We have SO MUCH untapped land. I can tell you didn't read the article. The article did not make clear whatsoever if there are any actual mechanisms in place for loggers to consider the displacement of wildlife due to ongoing logging activity. If you don’t understand that they don’t just point at trees and poof they disappear, you’re a moron. This is highly impactful activity. Umm, what? This is part of the use of national forests since their inception. They can and have managed this forever. Dems over time have forgotten that some management of resources is one of the roles the national parkforestry system was founded for. Yes, there are 150 or so national forests, over half of them can be utilized by loggers. It doesn't mean that half of all the trees can be cut down. LOL Good grief look at all the hater brigade Bad move Bad move. We need to protect our national forest. They are national treasures. If it was clear-cutting, I'd agree. But proper logging is about removing excess trees for lumber AND reducing fire danger. Agreed, logging done in the national forests is done with responsible forest management. Trees are a renewable resource and we can cut a lot of trees in national forests without touching a tree over 15 years old. The forest service already has areas that are open for cutting. What about Yosemite? I felt the same thing when he fired rangers and national park workers. Kids in foreign countries literally learn about Yosemite in their schools. Yosemite will be there with or without the rangers. As in, the geographical location? Yes. But not in the quality we know now. Literally replant every tree And this is why nothing little is made here. We don't mind anything, there's no forestry because environmentally we don't want to ruin anything. So we import every material and/or the final product instead of just making it here. At some point we need to realize we need to stop being stupid morons and just do things ourselves. You can literally replant every tree cut down Exactly this. We can use the abundant national resources with sustainably in mind. A discussion on the environment Forests need active management to mimic natural factors we humans have stopped. Thinning of forest improved health and help reduce fire intensity. I'm all for forest management but I do not support logging our national forests. Old growth trees convert less CO2 into oxygen than new growth. only trees who are actively growing have a net positive impact on oxygen production. One of the most environmentallly impactful ways we can reverse man made global warming is to effectively manage forests, keeping them in a constant state of growth and not stagnation. This doesn't mean clean stripping of entire swaths of forests. But selectively replacing old growth forest with young actively growing forest will provide both economic AND environmental boosts. Cutting down old forest is not good for the C02 budget. It takes a enormous amount of years before new growth comes close. Where is your source on this? Brigadiers who nothing about forest management out in full force! -56 as of right now. Although I assume there could be some “conservatives” who unaware of modern force practices that may be down voting me. I would like to have a conversation about this matter please engage without downloading. Conservative discusses Teddy Roosevelt Spits in the face of teddy. Not a fan of this one. What is conservative about not conserving? national forests aren't related to teddy, those are national parks by comparison national forests are intended to be used (logging, mining, ranching). they're not like the national parks which are a different entity with a different purpose (and under a different department) Yeah fuck this shit. Teddy would be disgusted by this. I'd say bring him back but Republicans would accuse him of being Socialist and Democrats would accuse him of being far right. He'd never get anywhere. Remind me again why the people who want to protect the forests are anti gun fucktards? That's literally the only reason I vote anymore. It’s a renewable resource when harvested responsibly, which is how national forests are logged. Did you know that hunting is part of conservation? Do me a favor and look up the definition of conserve. And guess what, TEDDY was a hunter and a conservationist. By your logic, he didn't conserve because he killed wild game. Holy shit, educate yourself. Hunting and logging arent the same thing It's the immigrants fault No to this. Being in the outdoors is such a joy. Hunting trips with my father in public forests are some of my best childhood memories. I don’t want that to be taken away from our children too Should have thought about that before importing so many millions of people that need housing. The outdoors won't exist if trees get cut down? Is that your argument? You will likely never see half of the national forests, let alone miss the trees in those forests that can be harvested. You know what's cool about trees, they grow back. And when they get cut down, the growth that occurs after they are cut down produces new habitat for wildlife. Now you are arguing like a Leftist Whelp, that's not good. It's good if you understand forest management and conservation. Was the order in regards to forest management and conservation? Yes, they are targeting high risk forests to mitigate fires. Trumps been talking about this since the paradise fires in California when he started talking to foresters in an effort to get newsom to reverse califonrias horrible fire management policy. Ah, so that was the only reason for this. Not lumber. Well, I guess count me wrong then. 2 things can be true dude. Their choice of forests is delibrate, we need to reduce fire risk as dipshit environmentalists have increased the risk due to bad forest management. And we need to increase lber production to bring down prices and add more high paying jobs to the market. So they are specially targeting at risk Forrest areas: “Most of those forests are considered to have high wildfire risk, and many are in decline because of insects and disease.” It's so dishonest how they word these articles andit's crazy how many people don't even bother to read them too and that's likely why the titles are so sensationalized That doesn’t mean that giving them to the timber industry is a good solution Yes it does, those trees can be used to build houses and make paper rather than increasing fire risk and creating GASP.. Carbon Dioxide! And you’re clearly a low IQ individual if you think the only thing affected by this is the trees themselves. Why not? The timber industry has an interest in maintaining their production for long term productivity. We're way past the era of clear cutting expansionism. The timber industry cares about tree production. Not animal habitat, not pollution, not ecological conservation. I'm sorry, does a wildfire give any f's about such things? How about invasive diseases? Seriously, tell me you know less about natural ecological systems without telling me directly so. Why? It doesn't make it bad either. Would you rather the government pay to get rid of the overgrowth or would you rather companies who think they can make some money do it for us? I would rather profit be irrelevant to the initiative of preserving habitats, wilderness, and undeveloped public land. That is a non stance. Either we rely on local authorities to clean out overgrowth or we pay companies to do it. This way we can do the latter without paying anything. I'm really disappointed with the pearl clutching conservatives lately. Have you never heard of the Bureau of Land Management, or the Forest Service? Fucking moron talking about pearl clutching, can only comprehend two possibilities given to him by other people. Have you heard of inefficient government? Can't make a good argument and then uses the tried and true "but we have a useless bureau for that!" You know these bureaus suck, but to win internet points you invoke them. Yes, you are pearl clutching and now you are arguing like a leftist. Other Singular Takes How much do you want to pay for your books? You can tell who in this thread who has spent time in National Forests vs who hasn’t. Logging in NF’s has been going on forever. This is not a new thing. For those who are against it - exactly how much do you want to pay for your next wood dresser/paperback book/toilet paper? Hippie Granola Types You can't just let the woods just go. You have to trim them back. Old brush fires would clear the first floor and dead trees at times. But now we have to clear brush back and cull trees so more can grow. Leftist hippie granola types want the forests to be left completely alone, but California is proof that neglect is not sound forest. CUT MOAR TREES!!! Everybody is a bot I swear their tactic is to now put bots in the subreddits and on the comment sections of podcasts submitted by /u/livejamie to r/SubredditDrama [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/dethangel2010 AIO I was the butt of the joke during the best man speech at my youngest brothers wedding Originally posted to r/AmIOverreacting Thabks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Original Post Nov 23, 2024 My youngest brother, let’s call him Phil, got married today and the ceremony was absolutely beautiful. His bride was stunning and everything was great and well done. His best man was our other brother who I’ll call Jack. My wife and I weren’t part of the wedding party, which is fair because we didn’t ask them to be in ours 5 years ago. After the ceremony we did the pictures and a cocktail hour. It was nice to talk to some out of town family and old family friends, and Jack and I were talking about the day they all had (very eventful for my now sister in law but that’s another story) and then everyone was called inside for the reception. We go in, and have dinner. My wife and I were starting to get kinda tired but I told her I really want to hear Jack’s best man speech so we agreed to wait. I wish we hadn’t… Jack goes up, introduces himself and starts his speech. “Well about 34 years ago, mom and dad got married and decided to try for kids and they started with the prototype, my older brother.” I should have known where this is going. He continued “They realized that hey they can do better so they got it right the second time, me. Mr perfect. And I was. Our grandfather would call me crusher because I would beat up on my older brother as a toddler. We were always opposites and didn’t really get along a whole lot. So mom and dad decided they needed someone to help him out and so they had this guy. Now when he came around I was like, yeah he seems alright. So growing up we terrorized my older brother. Good times.” He continued his speech but I was kinda checked out at that point. I was, and still am really upset about it because I have always been the butt of all the jokes in my family. My brothers, my cousins, even my parents. I’m the different one. I’m very emotional and empathetic, which is a blessing and curse. I’m overweight, they’re both athletes (Phil actually works for an NHL team). I enjoy dnd, reading and being a nerd. They like sports and outdoors activities. You get the idea. I get up and my wife goes to the bathroom before we decide to leave. Jack finds me and is like “you good? I meant to say at the beginning of my speech that I apologize because my older brother is probably going to get upset”. I just look at him and say “you’re good… but I would have appreciated a heads up that that’s what you were gonna do”. He looks at me and just goes. “If I did that, I wouldn’t have gotten the genuine reaction”. I just walked away, met my wife, and we left. I asked her, am I crazy? Was his best man speech really just a ton of shots at me? She said “it seems like he was trying to be funny but not everything landed. And yes, you were the butt of his jokes”. I drove home pretty much in silence. I’m tired of always being the butt of all the family jokes. We’re supposed to have lunch with extended family tomorrow and the only reason I’m going is because I only see these family members maybe once a year. I don’t want to see Jack, or really anyone else from my immediate family. Do I have a right to be upset, or am I being overly sensitive? RELEVANT COMMENTS Minute_Box3852 Here's the real deal. His parting remarks to you as you were leaving shows he meant to hurt you. He wanted that hurt reaction. He literally said it. Translation: I kinda like you but I must have the stage and, if my moment in the spotlight is at your expense, I'm going to make it count. He's the type of person who's favorite motto should be, "you'll get over it." ~ iambroketho Weird to focus a wedding speech on someone who isn't getting married. Very weird. He's got deeper problems and obviously isn't going to work on those. murphy2345678 If it gets brought up tomorrow OP should say something like “yeah it was kind of weird you focused so much on me during Phil’s wedding. You still trying to one up me? I thought you had grown past that” OOP Updated Nov 25, 2024 Update: before I talk about the lunch, I’ll share what happened to the bridal party as it becomes relevant why Phil didn’t come. The bridal party was creamed by a pickup right outside the venue. The truck was going 55 and the girls were stopped. Both vehicles were totaled but they were adamant to go on with the ceremony and get checked out later. So Phil took his wife to the hospital today. No major injuries thankfully. So the lunch. My wife sat down with the family and we were all chatting. At one point, my uncle goes “Phil’s speech was very sweet. I couldn’t have given that without crying”. My mom says “yea, he had something prepared because he practiced it with me and he changed it after the wreck.” Jack piped up “hey, I had a good speech too!” My dad just says “it was a good speech. It was all about op!” I just got angry and said “I thought it was weird that it was so focused on someone who wasn’t even involved in the wedding”. He and my dad got quiet, and then just continued their conversations with the people next to them. I avoided eye contact with Jack and we left about 15 minutes later. My wife and I went home and just proceeded to relax since we’re finally getting a break from our students. (We teach upper elementary) Jack tried to call me. Once. I let it ring. He didn’t leave a vm. Then about an hour later, my grandma called asking how lunch was and she could tell I was upset in my voice. When she asked what’s wrong, I told her about being upset with Jack. She said “I don’t think your brother meant it” and I just go “then why bring it up!? This is all the time. And then everyone wonders why my wife and I don’t come around as often or leave early at events. I’m tired of it”. She was calm and said “well, your brother can’t give a speech and he thinks he’s funny but he can’t make jokes without insulting someone. Have you told him and your parents how you feel?” I said yes, and that it hasn’t changed for years. She just says “y’all are gonna have to work this out”. I told her that I don’t wanna talk to him right now and she goes “I know, I understand. You and I are just the afterthoughts kid”. (Grandma and I are two peas in a pod and very similar) So that’s where we’re at. Thank you for the comments and the dms. OOP Updated again Nov 26, 2024 Update 2: Jack tried to gaslight me. I let things sit for a few days and decided that I was in a good headspace to send Jack a text. “Hey, I’ve seen your missed calls and I am not ready to have a conversation right now. I need you to know that you really hurt me on Saturday. Your speech was nothing but jabs at me for laughs in front of friends and family. Then to tell me that you didn’t give me a heads up because you wanted a genuine reaction made me feel even worse. I have been upset all weekend about this because nothing that was said felt like it was about Phil and his new wife, but how you would take shots at me growing up and then got Phil to join you. I told you that we were good at the reception because I wasn’t going to make a scene at Phil’s reception; they already had a rough day. But then for you and dad to bring it up again Sunday at lunch, and for dad to even admit that the speech was all about me, it brought the hurt out to the surface and I couldn’t stay quiet. You and Phil are my brothers, and I will always love you two. Right now though, I can’t have a conversation with you while I’m this hurt. I can be civil and cordial with you at family gatherings, but nothing more. These jabs and prods at my expense have gone on too long and they continue to drive a wedge between us. I am asking for two things: 1. Please stop with the teasing and jokes at my expense. 2. Give me some time to cool off from this. Time will help to mend this but right now, I’m not ready for that conversation. I’ll see you on Thursday. Love you” He responded a few hours later. “Ive talked to abunch of people about this already and everyone i talked to said that there was nothing wrong with my speech and i didnt say anything to degrade you, or your character. I think you took everything i said way out of context and you are way overthinking everything. The other thing i was also told is that the best man speech is supposed to be a joke and never taken serious. Also ive also been told by many people that they have heard similar speeches. “Mom and dad wanted a child then they had me the perfect child and the 3rd one was a complete accident.” Nothing i said was hurtful or demeaning. Also why is it that if they said if i took you out and said (our cousins name) or someone else then the speech is fine? That tells me that you personally think there is a lot of truth and you really dont know how to actually just have a laugh. Growing up i always hated that stupid nickname crusher and you know that. What was said that was so hurtful exactly? And dad never said the speech was about you “ I was angry and my wife could see I was on the verge of tears. I called my grandma and asked to go to her house to talk. When I got there she goes “so what’s up kid? You know, Jack feels really bad about this situation. He was talking to me about it last night” and I go, “really? Because that’s not what this text says”. I read her the conversation and she just goes “he’s an ass that doesn’t want to admit he’s wrong”. We talked for a little while longer and she’s like “you are not overreacting here. If this was a one time thing, I would say you are. But you have been putting up with this shit all your life”. We finished talking, I helped her fix her phone to car connection and went home, not feeling better but feeling validated. A few hours later Phil called. We were checking in on how his wife was doing and she goes “like I got hit by a truck!” Lol, I’m glad she can kinda laugh about it. He goes “we actually wanted to check on you and see how you were doing. We noticed you guys had left at some point without saying goodbye”. I apologized for it and told him no, I wasn’t ok. I read him and his wife the text messages and his wife just goes “um, that’s bullshit. We talked yesterday and I ripped into him. His speech was not appropriate and you were definitely targeted”. Phil added in “at first, I didn’t see a problem but when the two of us drove home and talked I could see how it could have been taken and we’re both really sorry that was done at your expense.” We talked a little longer and ended with his wife saying “we got your back on this one. Jack’s a bully and I get why you and your wife don’t come around as often to be around that. Just know that idgaf what his opinion is and a lot of the time when you guys leave things, I call him out on his shit he says to and about you “. Phil echoed her and we said goodbye and we will see each other Thursday for Thanksgiving. Another update: many people have asked for an update about Thanksgiving and, in terms of this situation, nothing eventful. We were civil and that’s about it. But this situation is a papercut compared to the explosion of emotions and attacks between various other members. But that’s for another post in another sub at some point. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

My youngest brother, let’s call him Phil, got married today and the ceremony was absolutely beautiful. His bride was stunning and everything was great and well done. His best man was our other brother who I’ll call Jack. My wife and I weren’t part of the wedding party, which is fair because we didn’t ask them to be in ours 5 years ago. After the ceremony we did the pictures and a cocktail hour. It was nice to talk to some out of town family and old family friends, and Jack and I were talking about the day they all had (very eventful for my now sister in law but that’s another story) and then everyone was called inside for the reception. We go in, and have dinner. My wife and I were starting to get kinda tired but I told her I really want to hear Jack’s best man speech so we agreed to wait. I wish we hadn’t… Jack goes up, introduces himself and starts his speech. “Well about 34 years ago, mom and dad got married and decided to try for kids and they started with the prototype, my older brother.” I should have known where this is going. He continued “They realized that hey they can do better so they got it right the second time, me. Mr perfect. And I was. Our grandfather would call me crusher because I would beat up on my older brother as a toddler. We were always opposites and didn’t really get along a whole lot. So mom and dad decided they needed someone to help him out and so they had this guy. Now when he came around I was like, yeah he seems alright. So growing up we terrorized my older brother. Good times.” He continued his speech but I was kinda checked out at that point. I was, and still am really upset about it because I have always been the butt of all the jokes in my family. My brothers, my cousins, even my parents. I’m the different one. I’m very emotional and empathetic, which is a blessing and curse. I’m overweight, they’re both athletes (Phil actually works for an NHL team). I enjoy dnd, reading and being a nerd. They like sports and outdoors activities. You get the idea. I get up and my wife goes to the bathroom before we decide to leave. Jack finds me and is like “you good? I meant to say at the beginning of my speech that I apologize because my older brother is probably going to get upset”. I just look at him and say “you’re good… but I would have appreciated a heads up that that’s what you were gonna do”. He looks at me and just goes. “If I did that, I wouldn’t have gotten the genuine reaction”. I just walked away, met my wife, and we left. I asked her, am I crazy? Was his best man speech really just a ton of shots at me? She said “it seems like he was trying to be funny but not everything landed. And yes, you were the butt of his jokes”. I drove home pretty much in silence. I’m tired of always being the butt of all the family jokes. We’re supposed to have lunch with extended family tomorrow and the only reason I’m going is because I only see these family members maybe once a year. I don’t want to see Jack, or really anyone else from my immediate family. Do I have a right to be upset, or am I being overly sensitive? Update: before I talk about the lunch, I’ll share what happened to the bridal party as it becomes relevant why Phil didn’t come. The bridal party was creamed by a pickup right outside the venue. The truck was going 55 and the girls were stopped. Both vehicles were totaled but they were adamant to go on with the ceremony and get checked out later. So Phil took his wife to the hospital today. No major injuries thankfully. So the lunch. My wife sat down with the family and we were all chatting. At one point, my uncle goes “Phil’s speech was very sweet. I couldn’t have given that without crying”. My mom says “yea, he had something prepared because he practiced it with me and he changed it after the wreck.” Jack piped up “hey, I had a good speech too!” My dad just says “it was a good speech. It was all about op!” I just got angry and said “I thought it was weird that it was so focused on someone who wasn’t even involved in the wedding”. He and my dad got quiet, and then just continued their conversations with the people next to them. I avoided eye contact with Jack and we left about 15 minutes later. My wife and I went home and just proceeded to relax since we’re finally getting a break from our students. (We teach upper elementary) Jack tried to call me. Once. I let it ring. He didn’t leave a vm. Then about an hour later, my grandma called asking how lunch was and she could tell I was upset in my voice. When she asked what’s wrong, I told her about being upset with Jack. She said “I don’t think your brother meant it” and I just go “then why bring it up!? This is all the time. And then everyone wonders why my wife and I don’t come around as often or leave early at events. I’m tired of it”. She was calm and said “well, your brother can’t give a speech and he thinks he’s funny but he can’t make jokes without insulting someone. Have you told him and your parents how you feel?” I said yes, and that it hasn’t changed for years. She just says “y’all are gonna have to work this out”. I told her that I don’t wanna talk to him right now and she goes “I know, I understand. You and I are just the afterthoughts kid”. (Grandma and I are two peas in a pod and very similar) So that’s where we’re at. Thank you for the comments and the dms. Update 2: Jack tried to gaslight me. I let things sit for a few days and decided that I was in a good headspace to send Jack a text. “Hey, I’ve seen your missed calls and I am not ready to have a conversation right now. I need you to know that you really hurt me on Saturday. Your speech was nothing but jabs at me for laughs in front of friends and family. Then to tell me that you didn’t give me a heads up because you wanted a genuine reaction made me feel even worse. I have been upset all weekend about this because nothing that was said felt like it was about Phil and his new wife, but how you would take shots at me growing up and then got Phil to join you. I told you that we were good at the reception because I wasn’t going to make a scene at Phil’s reception; they already had a rough day. But then for you and dad to bring it up again Sunday at lunch, and for dad to even admit that the speech was all about me, it brought the hurt out to the surface and I couldn’t stay quiet. You and Phil are my brothers, and I will always love you two. Right now though, I can’t have a conversation with you while I’m this hurt. I can be civil and cordial with you at family gatherings, but nothing more. These jabs and prods at my expense have gone on too long and they continue to drive a wedge between us. I am asking for two things: 1. Please stop with the teasing and jokes at my expense. 2. Give me some time to cool off from this. Time will help to mend this but right now, I’m not ready for that conversation. I’ll see you on Thursday. Love you” He responded a few hours later. “Ive talked to abunch of people about this already and everyone i talked to said that there was nothing wrong with my speech and i didnt say anything to degrade you, or your character. I think you took everything i said way out of context and you are way overthinking everything. The other thing i was also told is that the best man speech is supposed to be a joke and never taken serious. Also ive also been told by many people that they have heard similar speeches. “Mom and dad wanted a child then they had me the perfect child and the 3rd one was a complete accident.” Nothing i said was hurtful or demeaning. Also why is it that if they said if i took you out and said (our cousins name) or someone else then the speech is fine? That tells me that you personally think there is a lot of truth and you really dont know how to actually just have a laugh. Growing up i always hated that stupid nickname crusher and you know that. What was said that was so hurtful exactly? And dad never said the speech was about you “ I was angry and my wife could see I was on the verge of tears. I called my grandma and asked to go to her house to talk. When I got there she goes “so what’s up kid? You know, Jack feels really bad about this situation. He was talking to me about it last night” and I go, “really? Because that’s not what this text says”. I read her the conversation and she just goes “he’s an ass that doesn’t want to admit he’s wrong”. We talked for a little while longer and she’s like “you are not overreacting here. If this was a one time thing, I would say you are. But you have been putting up with this shit all your life”. We finished talking, I helped her fix her phone to car connection and went home, not feeling better but feeling validated. A few hours later Phil called. We were checking in on how his wife was doing and she goes “like I got hit by a truck!” Lol, I’m glad she can kinda laugh about it. He goes “we actually wanted to check on you and see how you were doing. We noticed you guys had left at some point without saying goodbye”. I apologized for it and told him no, I wasn’t ok. I read him and his wife the text messages and his wife just goes “um, that’s bullshit. We talked yesterday and I ripped into him. His speech was not appropriate and you were definitely targeted”. Phil added in “at first, I didn’t see a problem but when the two of us drove home and talked I could see how it could have been taken and we’re both really sorry that was done at your expense.” We talked a little longer and ended with his wife saying “we got your back on this one. Jack’s a bully and I get why you and your wife don’t come around as often to be around that. Just know that idgaf what his opinion is and a lot of the time when you guys leave things, I call him out on his shit he says to and about you “. Phil echoed her and we said goodbye and we will see each other Thursday for Thanksgiving. Another update: many people have asked for an update about Thanksgiving and, in terms of this situation, nothing eventful. We were civil and that’s about it. But this situation is a papercut compared to the explosion of emotions and attacks between various other members. But that’s for another post in another sub at some point. submitted by /u/dethangel2010 to r/AmIOverreacting [link] [comments]

This morning I woke up early to order myself coffee so he could take our son to pick it up and “surprise” me. Then they went to the grocery store and thoughtfully picked out my favorite breakfast and came home. My husband made half of the breakfast and then asked me to make the other half. No problem. He acknowledged that he was asking me to do the work and still taking credit for the benefit of our kids’ experience and memories. It WAS no problem until he went upstairs to “go to the bathroom” and after 45 minutes I walked upstairs to check on him and he was asleep in our bed. He slept the entire afternoon. Later that day I was doing the absolute mountain of dishes (my third load for the day, that’s another story) and he asked me to make a grocery list. I asked if he could please make the list because I am in the middle of doing the dishes, and further tried to coax him by using Mother’s Day in a playful way. I really didn’t want to drop what I was doing to look in the fridge he was already standing right in front of to tell him what we needed for dinner. He knows what the ingredients are, he could easily look himself, but he insisted I “help” him. I was super frustrated so I took a deep breath, washed and dried my hands, and then opened the fridge and started telling him what we need. He could sense my frustration and called me on it. I explained that I was really hoping he could make a list himself just this once because I was in the middle of doing the dishes. I explained that when I make a grocery list I just look at what we have and write down what we don’t have, and I didn’t understand why he NEEDED my help. He started talking over me to say if I had a problem making a grocery list with him I should just have told him. I told him that I DID communicate that with him, he doubled down and told me that I need to learn some patience. I smiled and said “Happy Father’s Day,” because it was the nicest thing I could think to say. That completely set him off. He went off on me, refused to get ingredients to make our dinner, bought dinner for only himself and our kids, and has been giving me the silent treatment for over an hour. He says I went too far. AITAH? ETA: wow, I did not realize I was going to wake up to so much to read. Thank you for all of your feedback. I have been enjoying my self-brewed coffee this morning and taking in your responses. I have a lot to look over and think about. I know divorce is the obvious answer. Edit 2: No, divorce isn’t the obvious answer for this specific incident. (Edit: 3- I mean the idea of divorce is not solely based on this one specific incident. Several people have commented thinking everyone is jumping to divorce based on this one situation. It is more complex than this one day.) No, I’m not using Reddit as a poll for whether or not to leave my marriage. TIL how to make Reddit paragraphs. Both of our mothers are dead unfortunately. Our children are 6 and under. It is common for parents to help and facilitate the day. 6 year olds and toddlers can’t be responsible for celebrating their parents. I didn’t “expect” anything from him. I know it’s just a Hallmark Consumerism holiday. People who have commented are correct in saying that this incident is just representative of every other day, but magnified by the fact that Mother’s Day was a particularly shitty day to choose to be particularly shitty. I felt like maybe I was TA for making the petty comment. I am ND and sometimes I have trouble picking up on if I did something wrong that I maybe didn’t realize was wrong to say or do. I appreciate all of the anecdotes of your strength and ability to move forward after leaving an exhausting marriage. It is inspiring. Edit/ Answers to your questions / Update 4: Since Sunday I have not lifted a single finger for Baby Sinclair (my internal nickname for him). Unless it directly impacts our kids, every time he requests my help or to do something for him that he can do himself I just use my absolute sweetest voice let him know he doesn’t need my help and I believe in his ability to complete the task himself. Then I smile and walk away. The third time I did this, he said I was making him uneasy. I could not help but to LOL, which made him announce that he felt more uneasy. I know it wasn’t kind, but I calmly told him he is a pathetic human. I told him I’m sorry it has to be me, but someone in his life needs to tell him to grow the fuck up. I told him I care about him and I love him but I will not tolerate being treated with disrespect even one more day. He said I am abusive. The actual audacity…! I spared the divorce conversation (for safety and because I have said many times before I want to leave and financially it isn’t possible right now.). Side note: I tried to leave last year because he was making me feel unsafe and his behavior was erratic. I went to the emergency room in a mental breakdown and told them about the abuse, which they noted in detail on my file. They asked about any plans to escape and I told them I had it covered, and answered their questions about my plan. I had been planning for our escape for a year leading up to this. They told me they had to document the reported abuse in my file. I asked them to check my chart to make sure it is not tied to his account. They looked at it in front of me and said they “made sure” he wasn’t on my emergency contacts or attached to my chart in any way…but then guess who got an email with my chart notes detailing his abuse and my exit plan before I even got home? I had to cool things down and start over with a new plan that I kept entirely to myself. At this point though, he knew I had saved up money to leave so most of my savings was depleted within a couple of months. I eventually left with our kids with far less savings and it didn’t take long for me to realize I could not sustain the cost of my original bills (still in my name) and new bills in addition to legal assistance and the overall cost of starting over. Our leaving caused him to spiral and he went back to therapy. Soon after, we started to dip our toes into visiting each other (mostly because I didn’t want to leave our kids with him). We stuck to outdoor public activities as a family. He has always been able to wear me down and talk me out of a divorce, and this ended up no differently. Even though I know I’m not an anomaly, I felt ashamed and like a complete failure for going back. Surprisingly, he never actually changed ( / s). (End of side note) Anyway, back to present day: I began to grey rock to throw off his cycle of attempting to rope me back into the argument from the other day. I have calmly listened to him gush over his love for our family, and how much he loves and appreciates me and thinks I am an amazing mom. He says he loves me but all I hear in my head is his voice screaming “fucking bitch” at me. It all sounds so obviously disingenuous. I told him his words mean literally nothing while his behavior is the same. It’s like saying waffles have legs… it sounds unbelievable and if I don’t see it with my own eyes, I’m not believing it. I told him regardless of if in the end we stay together or not, we need to go back to therapy as a duo and separately. I told him he needs to take steps today to move forward with therapy and treating his mental health appropriately. He agreed, but no evidence of walking waffles yet. I am surprised at my ability to completely refuse to do anything he can do himself. I’m more surprised that he’s actually doing the tasks himself. I have tried this before and he ultimately bullies me into doing the task. Not this time. He keeps complaining about his results in ways that are so juvenile and manipulative, always leaving the impression that if I had just done it for him it would have been done correctly. I just smile and tell him he did a good job with the task and tell him that it sounds like he needs more practice and eventually it will become second nature. I am feeling his attempts to make me miserable, but it is rolling right off of me. At least for now. I cannot express enough how much I appreciate the support and validation here. I appreciate the married people who have shared what their day was like on Sunday (and everyday) as a healthy couple. For those of you who have asked why I am taking to the internet with this in the first place: I have been isolated from my circle for so long my relationships no longer exist. I have limited family period, and no family nearby. My mom is dead. My dad sucks. My siblings mostly suck. I have no friends. I work virtually and don’t have friendships with my coworkers because we rarely socialize and have opportunities to bond. I don’t have opportunities to interact with adults very often. Isn’t that the beauty of the internet? Despite my logical brain, years of gaslighting along with my Neurodivergence have made it sometimes feel impossible to trust my own judgment. If you are offended by me posting this and have taken the time to voice your disgust for me and my post, I just want to let you know I have processed your complaints and directed them to the correct department. Thank you for your feedback. submitted by /u/Temporary_Try_737 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

I will try to make it short. I'm on postpartum leave. We have a 2 month old son. We live right next door to my husband's best friend. We moved in here a bit over a month ago. Since moving in, this dude is calling my husband multiple times a day to go off somewhere with him (store, another buddies house, downstairs to smoke, have a fire, etc). It has caused so many fucking fights already and I'm so over it. I have literally brought it up at least 25 times. And I told him not even a week ago that I'm moving whether he comes with me or not because I didn't sign up to play third wheel to a grown ass man who ALSO has a wife at home with a baby. My husband apologized, per usual, and actively did get better about it. Like he stopped leaving with him and only hung out with him once a day for maybe a half hour and I appreciated that and all has been good. But on to the issue.. he has called off work for the past 2 days because I have COVID and need help taking care of the baby because I'm literally a walking shit show right now. I am in so much body pain and my head is screaming at me. So he literally called off work, telling his boss I had covid and he needed to help me, and then took off with his buddy not even a half hour later (at 12:30 this afternoon) and has been gone since. They were supposedly only going to the store, 45 minutes away. It's been 5 hours. When I texted him about it, the only thing he said was "I know babe, I'm sorry". So I texted back and said "the fuck you are. Stay at your buddies house tonight. He obviously needs you to hold it for him." He says I'm an AH because "I expected to be home already but he's taking his sweet ass time. It's his vehicle. I'm kinda on his schedule." So, I texted back asking where they were and he told me that they stopped off at one of this guys friends houses and apparently he's drinking (not my husband, supposedly - I have my doubts). I told him that he either ends the friendship or I file for divorce because this has been an ongoing, consistent issue and I'm no longer willing to deal with it. Now he's calling me manipulative and controlling, saying I'm making him choose between me and his son or him having any sort of social life because he says I flip out every time he tries to do anything (I do - he's gone out partying at least 6 times since I gave birth 2 months ago, when - not kidding - he hadn't partied in 4 years prior to this). AITA? eta: I've brought up moving several times (because he wasn't like this before we moved in to this place - which is owned by the buddy in the post). He will agree to move and start house searching and then the very next day he will be talking about all the repairs he wants to make to this place as a favor to his buddy for "helping us out". So basically he wants to stay here and only told me he would be willing to move in that moment to get me to stop talking about it. The only place I can go to is my mother's and he has made it very clear that if I take our child there, he will take the baby from me. He says it's a unsafe and not clean home, because her kitchen is in complete repair currently (bad floor due to underneath water damage) and has absolutely no access. My mom washes her dishes in the bathtub while it's being renovated and cooks on the outdoor grill. The renovations have been taking longer than expected due to the snow storms we have gotten. submitted by /u/Elegant_Safe_3855 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

Male friendships traditionally thrived during outdoors group activities like fishing, hunting or even just playing basketball at the local park. All of these activities are systematically undervalued in modern society where we are afraid to let young kids play by themselves at the park and we are suspicious of any male-only gatherings. Instead parents encourage their kids to spend time indoors, with an ipad, Disney+ and video games. Because god forbid you let your kid ride their bike around the neighborhood by themselves. That's dAnGerOUs. (nevermind that previous generations did it with no problem) This mentality encourages kids to be fearful, stay dependent on their parents for much longer than is necessary and doesn't encourage face-to-face socialization that is fundamental not only for friendships, but also to learn to talk to the opposite sex. submitted by /u/Novel-Tip-7570 to r/PurplePillDebate [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/BurningBurner1600 Originally posted to r/AITAH and his own profile AITAH for breaking up with my pregnant girlfriend because I don’t want to be a father? Trigger Warnings: mentions of abortion, emotional manipulation, baby trapping, denial of healthcare, refusing parenthood Editor's Note: OOP has posted his Update #1 which is below the original post Original Post - August 4, 2023 AITA for breaking up with my pregnant girlfriend because I don’t want to be a father. I (25M) had been with my now ex (23F) for a little over 3 months. I always made sure we used lots of precaution when having sex. She was on birth control and I always used condoms. I wanted to avoid a child. I have known for a long time that I do not want children. I find them annoying and they would severely limit my ability to do the things I enjoy (traveling, outdoors stuff, etc.). Unfortunately for me, my ex didn’t have her period when she was supposed to and it turns out she’s now pregnant. She came to me and told me she was pregnant. The first thing I did was suggest an abortion. We don’t live in a state where it’s legal so I offered to pay for her flight and hotel and told her I’d be happy to come with her to get it done. I have a stable job and make good money so it isn’t wouldn’t be too much of a hit for me. She works as a receptionist and doesn’t make a lot so I figured it would be better for me to pay. That’s when she told me she was hoping to keep it and that she wanted me to help her raise the kid as it’s father. I have no intention of being a father. Beyond just my dislike of children, I’m not ready for that. I made it very clear that I didn’t want the baby, but she kept insisting that I’d have a change of heart once it’s born and to just try it out. After a long exchange I told her that if she intended to keep the baby I would not act as a father. I broke up with her and told her that I would pay child support once it’s born, but that I expect her to respect my wishes and keep the child away from me. Since then she’s been frantically texting me, begging me to come back and telling me she’d forgive me. She’s sent me voicemails crying, it does hurt to see, but I haven’t responded. The other day she texted me saying how she can’t raise the kid alone and how I’m basically forcing her to get the abortion just by leaving. She called me an asshole, an abuser, and a sexist. She ended the text begging me to talk again. I certainly feel shitty, I really liked her and we had a good relationship before this, but I just don’t want to be a father. I’m already bitter about the fact that I’ll have to pay child support for 18 years, which will somewhat limit me financially. I also feel it isn’t right for a parent who doesn’t want their child to be involved. I’d just end up taking that pent up anger and bitterness out on the child who is ultimately innocent, which I feel isn’t right. With all this said I come here to ask, AITA? I certainly feel like one, but I also stand by what I did. Clarifying edits: On the topic of a vasectomy, I tried. I met with a doctor last year and asked about getting one, but he refused and said every doctor he knows won’t do it until you’re at least 30. It’s a conservative state and while I dislike the politics, I was born and raised here so I’m still attached to the state and have never felt the urge to leave. Someone said I should have flown elsewhere to get one, and I guess they’re right but I just didn’t think about that. On the topic of birth control, I bought the condoms myself so they were fine. Whenever we were done I’d throw used condoms I’m the dumpster so I don’t think she went dumpster diving. I asked her on our first date if she was taking birth control and she said yes, I took her for her word. Maybe foolish to just believe her, but if she was lying she’d be the first I’ve met to lie about that. Most girls I’ve met are honest about it. I assumed she was on the pill since that’s the main birth control I know, but maybe she was on something else that I’m not educated enough on. That being said, I’ll follow your advice and lawyer up + get a paternity test. IDK how long that will take, but whenever I get it done I’ll update here with results. Thank you for your judgements, I’ve been away for a bit but I’m catching up and trying to read what I can. I’ll be checking back periodically and replying to some people, all further feedback is appreciated. Update 1: I have hired one of the better family court lawyers in my state. She has someone representing her pro bono. It has been made clear to my ex and her representative that she is not to contact me personally and that all contact will go through my lawyer from now on. A paternity test is scheduled for next Wednesday. I don’t know how long it will take to get results, but the test is happening. If the child is mine we will go to court to determine child support payments and will set up the process for me to sign away my rights. Another clarifying edit: I was gone for a while and while reading through some comments I have found a topic I’d like ti clarify for anyone left who still checks here and cares. At the beginning I said I made sure to use lots of precautions. I had thought people would take away from that the idea that I had made my intention to not have kids clear at the beginning. Just wanted to make that clear. She told me she wasn’t looking to have kids. I should have been more clear about this I guess. I was under the assumption that she didn’t want kids, which is why I was blindsided by her change of heart once she was actually pregnant. I understand it happens, feeling change or whatever, but for me it was a big shock. When I go to get the paternity test started she will also have an ultrasound and we’ll talk then. I’ll update on Wednesday. BTW the text will take a few days to process so I’ll also update with results. Update 2: Reddit isn’t letting me out the full update here, so for further updates please check my comments.   RELEVANT COMMENTS Commentator asks about providing emotional support and getting back together with the ex OP: I don’t want to give her emotional support and lead her on. If I’m around she’ll think I plan to get back together and be a present father which I don’t want. She should know I don’t want the kid, that way she’s more likely to go through with an abortion or adoption. I also don’t want to be present for the birth for similar reasons. Plus I’m pretty certain that even if I did change my mind on the kid I wouldn’t want to be with her. She expects me to get back together with her to raise the kid, but if I did end up seeing the kid and wanting her I’d have to go through some annoying legal procedure to try and secure joint custody or something. That is a mess in so many ways that it isn’t worth suffering through. I’m still certain I don’t want the kid, but if I suddenly changed my mind to want the kid and then didn’t get any custody that would be pretty depressing. I’d rather just stay unattached and deal with any regrets I have later. Commentator asks about his family, their support, and the future OP: There’s a lot to unpack here, so I’ll try to go piece by piece. Obviously what you’ve experienced is very difficult, so I’m sorry about that. I’m glad you found yourself. About my parents, yes they want grandkids. They have been hounding me ever since I turned 20 about when I’m gonna give them grandkids. I’ve already told them I don’t want kids and my sister is lesbian so they’re really disappointed at this point. If they found out about the kid and that I was leaving they would be furious so I’m just not telling them. About how I’ll feel in the future, I honestly cannot say 100%. I know that right now I 100% don’t want kids, and I’m going off that feeling to assume how I’ll feel in the future will be the same. Everyone lives with some level of regret, so I’ve come to peace with the idea that if I end up regretting this I’ll just have to move on and live with that like everyone else. If for some reason I felt regret I wouldn’t try to contact the kid, I’d just keep it to myself and keep chugging along like usual. If the kid does find me one day I’ll just be honest depending on how I’m feeling. Either “I was 25 and I didn’t want kids and I still don’t, sorry” or “I was 25 and I thought I didn’t want kids, I wasn’t ready, it’s been one of the biggest regrets of my life and I’m sorry” depending on how I’m feeling (most likely the former). I don’t know what gave you the impression that I’ve softened to the idea of having kids. I still firmly don’t want kids. I just feel pity for the child, cus it isn’t really their fault. I don’t exactly feel good about leaving the child on a moral level, but on a personal level of what is best for me I feel very confident in leaving. It’s certainly a selfish decision, but I’ve been very upfront with the fact that I’m a selfish person. I feel bad about it, but I’m putting myself and my own personal needs first in this situation by doing what I think is best for me. **apprehensive_cactus:* It's extremely unlikely than she would give up the baby once she's already got the child in her arms and goes through the process. It's extremely emotional and we're wired to take care of our young. Chances of her giving up the baby are like...2%.* She really needs to stop hoping you're all going to be a happy family someday because this is awful for her self esteem. She CAN be happy as a single mother, even if it's very hard. Does she have family willing to help? Her own parents? Motherhood is a huge adjustment and doing it with 0 support is awful. PPD is not a joke. She can totally do this without you - but it would be a lot better if she had at least some support from her family. OP: I don’t know that much about her family, haven’t met them, just heard bits and pieces. Apparently her dad has some drinking issues and her mom is pretty closed off. They live in a different city too. That’s about the extent of what I know, but I doubt they’d be able to help her much. **Alternative_Ad5613:* I would consider locking down that pathway before she realizes it could lead to your mom. You know blocking her before she sees your mom comment on a post and making everything go through a lawyer. By the sounds of it if she makes contact with them it sounds they definitely take her side the matter. You definitely have contact with your ex and her child because your family will be involved. Am not saying you need them but I feel like within 18 years they'll know especially considering how the at home DNA test and programs are. Either way that's doesn't change my mind on you. Your making right call here and now balls in your ex's court.* I don't know if you're considering.moving cities but if you should to increase the odds of you having no contact. I live near and work in a city of 1.5 million people and I still have made contact with people I never thought I would again. OP: I don’t have a Facebook so my mom doesn’t comment on my posts, but I’ll take the advice and block my ex. I have a good job and I like my apartment a lot, so I don’t plan on moving from my city. Even if I see them, I plan to get some sort of legal agreement signed through my lawyer prohibiting direct contact so hopefully they’d just have to ignore me if they saw me.   Editor's Note: The second update was posted twice, in the comment box and later onto his own profile. Also added spaces to make the post readable Update #2 - September 5, 2023 Sorry for the lateness, but I got the test done and the results are in. The baby is a girl and is indeed mine. When I saw my ex I had a talk with her. We talked about birth control, and she told me she was on birth control and had no intention of having children, but once she found out she was pregnant she changed her mind. I believe her. She was hopeful that I would come around to that perspective, so I made it very clear that I will not be part of the child’s life and gave her 3 options. Option 1, get an abortion in any state of her choosing and I’ll pay for her to stay there for a week, so she could basically take a vacation to Hawaii or NYC or LA on my dime, but I need to come with and get confirmation that she had the abortion. Option 2, put the child up for adoption and I’ll pay for all the medical expenses that come with having a child. Option 3, keep the child and I pay my court ordered child support, sign away my parental rights, have my name taken off the birth certificate, and have absolutely 0 involvement with her or the child beyond my monthly payments. It was a tough conversation and she didn’t take it well, she ended up crying for a while. She kept telling me that I would be a loving and kind dad, asking me to try fatherhood and think about how well our relationship was going before this happened, and to imagine our future together with a daughter. I told her I’m still firmly against fatherhood and she was devastated. She refuses to get an abortion, but is scared to be a single mother at 23 even though she wants the child. She told me that if I’m with her during the birth, see and hold the child, but still feel nothing for the baby after all that then she will consider adoption. She also said if I change my mind about fatherhood she will be waiting with open arms to enjoy parenthood together as a loving family and would hope I’d propose. I have made it very clear I don’t want any involvement. I’m not sure what I should do since I would prefer for the baby to be put up for adoption rather than have to pay child support for 18 long years, but I also don’t want to be around the baby at all or present during the birth. Advice is appreciated. All further updates will be posted to my account like this.   DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED Editor’s note: The latest update has screenshots, but the full story is in the comments Update #3 - October 25, 2023 Finally back with another update. Over the past few days I’ve gotten a new influx of advice. Some of this advice has been helpful or interesting. Some really good ideas were given to me, so I set up a lunch with my ex yesterday and we had a long and productive chat. It was the 1st time we had talked in over a month, all our communication had been through lawyers. I decided the best way to ensure the conversation was productive was to set ground rules and make sure we were operating from reality. Both of us haven’t been being realistic. I told her that I was giving up on abortion or adoption, it was what I wanted but I already know it isn’t gonna happen at this point. My ex wants the baby, I know she does, and I told her I know. I won’t be bringing up abortion or adoption to her again, it just isn’t worthwhile. I have to work within reality, and at this point that means under the assumption that she will keep the baby. I also told her it’s time for her to give up on me. I made it very clear to her that I will not be getting back together with her no matter what, even if she aborts the baby. She will never have the happy family with me that she wants. I made it clear she needs to drop the idea because it won’t happen and it makes it impossible to find any real solutions to this situation. She acknowledged that there will be no happy family between us. I think reality has finally set in for both of us at this point. Nobody is going to get what they want, so it’s time to compromise. The new goal that we have agreed upon is this: Provide my ex and our daughter with the support that they desperately need right now while also allowing me to have 0 involvement with raising the child. In other words: I will not be involved in raising the child whatsoever, but will try to give my ex the resources she needs to make sure the child has a good life. I won’t be in the delivery room and I will never see her, I will simply provide money. My ex has 25K in student debt that she needs to pay off, she is only making around $60K/year from her job, and she will be a single mother which means child expenses and such. By contrast I only have around 10K in student debt left to pay off and after a little over 2 years working at the company I’m at I just got a promotion and significant pay raise so I’m now making roughly 150K/year. Additionally there is plenty of room for further growth in my field, with income growth potential all the way up to 325K/year, although that is still pretty far off in the future. I don’t say any of this to brag, just to put our situations in perspective. I’ll have all my debts paid off by the end of 2025, plus I’ve been setting aside money into a savings account and investment funds. What I’m trying to say is I have money and she doesn’t, so I will be making up for my lack of presence with significant financial support. I would prefer to avoid court, so I worked with my ex to find a fair monetary support system. All of what comes next is a handshake agreement between the 2 of us, if someone has a problem they can go to court and determine child support that way. We talked for a while about what a fair payment system would look like and this is what we decided on. I will pay for all of my ex’s medical expenses that come with her carrying the baby including doctors visits and hospital bills. When the baby is born I will pay my ex 2K/month in child support to pay for the child’s expenses. This will leave my ex with breathing room and allow her to continue paying off her student debt. We don’t have exact math, but our estimate we found using phone calculators was that it would probably take her between 6-8 more years to pay off all her student debt. Once she has paid all her debt off, the monthly child support payment will drop to $1K/month. If my ex finds a man who she marries and takes on the role of a father to the child then my child support payments will stop since he will be able to provide an extra income stream. Additionally, I will create a savings account that my ex will be able to see. Starting the day the baby is born I will deposit $500 into the account. I will then deposit $500 into the account on the 1st day of the month, every month, until the girl turns 18. At that point she will be given access to the account as a college fund. Based on the math we did the account will have roughly $108K in it, not including interest. I don’t know how much college will cost by then, but that should be a significant help for her to pay for college. If she decides not to go to college I will empty the fund into my personal savings account, so she only gets the money if she attends college. The fund has another condition on it, but I’ll get to that later. Beyond money, my ex and the child will need emotional support. This is where my lovely sister comes in. She and her wife love kids, they had been looking into adoption for a few months now. Based on another comment I got (which I cannot find anymore and it’s driving me crazy, I think whoever wrote it deleted it) from a woman whose brother was in a similar situation. The woman decided to take on an active role and helped his ex raise the child of her own volition because she liked kids. Knowing my sister was already interested in raising a child with her wife, I reached out and asked her if she would be interested in helping my ex. She was very excited about the prospect if my ex wound have her. I asked my ex what she thought and she said yes. My sister and her wife will act as a support system for my ex. When they have time they will help my ex with things like babysitting, giving her any advice she needs, or just being there for her to talk to. They’ll also be extra family for the child, helping make things like birthdays and holidays special. This is where the 2nd condition for the college fund comes in. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, my sister is lesbian. I’ve gotten many questions asking why I don’t want my parents involved with the child, let me answer them. My sister came out at 14, from then on she was the scum of the Earth in our house. My parents are extremely religious and very homophobic, so as soon as she came out they hated her. No more birthdays, no more Christmas, no more family dinners. They gave her the absolute bare minimum necessities to survive and then left her alone otherwise. Obviously it was extremely toxic, what the did was awful, and my sister has rightly gone no contact with them. My 2nd condition for the college fund is that my ex cannot tell them about the child or let them meet her. What they want most in the world is grandchildren, and I will not give them that joy. My ex has my sister’s help and support, so she doesn’t need my parents. I made it clear that if I ever find out about her visiting them with the child there will be no college fund. Finally I want to talk about me writing a letter. Based on advice from someone whose father came back and then left, they told me not to come back but to write a letter to my daughter as closure. I don’t want to come back, so I thought it was a great idea. The letter will explain why I’m not around and this whole situation. I’m going to be truthful but try to also be gentle in the letter. The goal is to make it clear that I didn’t leave because of a particular hatred towards her, but just because I never wanted to be a father in the 1st place. I’ll also include something about how hard her mother tried to make me reconsider and how much her mother loves her. I’ll end it by wishing her good luck in life. The letter will be officially notarized and will be signed by both me and my ex. When she turns 18, if she has questions about me and wants them answered my ex will give her the letter. If the letter still can’t satisfy her and she wants further answers I’ve given permission for her to talk to me in person. I feel I owe it to her to answer her questions in person if that’s what she needs for closure. My ex also felt strongly about wanting my name on the birth certificate, so I’ve agreed to that. In summary: My ex will keep the child, I will provide child support payments, I will provide a college fund on the condition that the child goes to college and my parents are never involved in this situation, my sister and her wife will help my ex by acting as an extra support system for her, and I will write a letter to my daughter explaining why I am not present that will be given to her only if she wants it as a way for her to gain closure. Full thing won’t post in comments so I’ll post it in chunks. BTW this will likely be my last update, things are mostly figured out. Thank you for all the advice and help. Also for anyone who hasn’t seen I’ll be getting a vasectomy in Colorado in February 2024. I’d already said so, but I’ll put it here too.   OP’s text below the screenshots: I wrote out this whole update on Reddit and was given error messages saying it couldn’t be posted, so I copy and pasted it and then screen shotted. Sorry it’s inconvenient, but this is the only way I could post this. I’ve split the paragraphs up and they are in order so hopefully it isn’t too annoying to read. I’ll also post the full text in the comments if Reddit will allow me to.   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   REMINDER – THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP. submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

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