Places To Go With Friends

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With the summer fast approaching here in a few weeks. I can’t help but notice it feels a lot like 2008. Not the culture, music, or anything like that. Talking the general vibe going on with people and places. Family and friends are bailing on their normal summer trips. Grocery stores, restaurants, theaters, etc all seem emptier than normal. But all the staff are there, the shelves are fully stocked, and everyone is just assuming it’ll pick back up any day now. Memorial Day was an eye opener. I live near a rural highway that can get fairly congested on major holidays. Stop and go traffic for many miles, and it was quiet. Local campgrounds were half empty when usually you need to book 6+ months out. It felt more like a normal summer weekend, and not a holiday. I was born in 1981 so I witnessed the recession first hand as a working adult. This isn’t meant to be political or anything, and I am sure someone much smarter than me can prove everything is fine. Just going off my gut. Feels like the quiet before the storm, similar to the summer I experienced back in 2008 before everything started collapsing for real. Anyone else feel the same? submitted by /u/Opposite_Agency1229 to r/Millennials [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/stinkyfurniture Brother's friend wanted a place to store 'a couple of wardrobes and a bed' while he moved back with his parents until the covid crisis is over. My house is now packed full with urine-stinky furniture. What can I legally do with it? Country NSW Australia. Originally posted to r/legaladvice TRIGGER WARNING: exploitation, things covered in shit, possible hoarding MOOD SPOILER: Disgusting (you can smell this post) BoRU 1 Posted by u/bestupdator Original Post June 21, 2021 I get on OK with my brother, and his friend hadn't shown any hint of being an idiot over the last 15 years so I went along with this. I'll call my brother's friend Doug. My brother phoned me a while back and asked if I could do a favour for Doug and he put doug on, and doug told me he's gotta move back in with his parents because he lacks work like all of us, and needs a place to store 'a couple of wardrobes full of clothes, and a bed' for about six months until things open up again. My brother told doug I had a spare room with not much in it (which is true), and I was happy to help so I said sure, bring it over. The spare room is more than big enough for a couple of wardrobes and a bed. Through miscommunications and a shift change at work I couldn't be there when doug moved out of his old place and put his stuff in the spare room, so I dropped my spare key to my brother and he supervised doug. on Friday afternoon I came back home to a house packed full of what looks like every possession doug has ever owned packed into every room of my house, and almost all of it is urine stained and covered in mouse droppings. "A couple of wardrobes full of clothes and a bed" has turned into two wardrobes full of mouse droppings clothes and boxes, a dozen garbage bags of more clothes, six chairs and a kitchen table, a bedside table, a dozen boxes of books, two bookcases, boxes of kitchen implements, half a dozen wall hangings and paintings, a house door covered in stickers, a credenza, a single bed and a double bed (both of them REEK of urine and bloke), four small chests of drawers, three kitchen cupboards, a pair of card tables, and two refrigerators with food in the freezers and plugged into my power, and more bags of bedclothes, electronics, just about everything to fill a regular small house. Everything in the house stinks and I can't do this. I don't mean it just has a scent to it, it stinks badly. I can taste the stink in my mouth even when I'm out of the house. With the heater on now it's winter it's nauseating. I phoned doug and told him he has to come and get this all out, and he can't. He's already 600km away on his parents property and has no money left. I told him I'm going to dump the lot of it if he doesn't come get it, and he told me I'd made a binding verbal agreement with him and if I damaged anything of his he'd come down on me like a tonne of bricks with legal action. ten minutes after getting off the phone with him, his dad phoned and made more threats the same. I can't reach any of the shelving in my spare room, I can't use half my couch or my art desk, I can only JUST reach my own clothing in my bedroom drawers and I can only use one chair in my kitchen. I've contacted my brother and a stupid shrugging noise and said he thought that's what I agreed on. What am I legally allowed to do with all this? I agreed to a couple of wardrobes and a bed. I did NOT agree to a house full of stuff. I want to at least get the worst of it out of the house immediately but it's been raining and we have a week more rain forecast. I can't afford to put it in storage, I'm slowly draining my savings the last few months as work has been cut back due to covid. I don't have a garage or shed, I have no undercover place to put any of this. Best I could do was borrow a tarp and wrap up the worst wardrobes and clingwrapped the beds but that's only a minor help as it all smells bad. I did a house plan drawing, sorry it's rubbish. on the left is my normal house, TV is the lounge, S spare room D desk room B bedroom and K kitchen. on the right is the same with all of doug's stuff added in red. https://imgur.com/a/I0eXuDz RELEVANT COMMENTS b30kay Before you do anything make sure to take pictures. OOP Thanks for that, good suggestion. Doing it right now. ~ glitzycupcake Not a lawyer, but I’d wager that anyone with this much disgusting shit probably doesn’t have the $$ or funds to sue. I’d just dump it if I was you. OOP Good point. I'm sitting here in this guy's filth in one of the few places I still can and I'm tempted to do that right now. I have a couple of mates who already offered to help. glitzycupcake I mean, does the guy seem like he’s got the ability to back up his claims? OOP The more I think about it the more I'd say no. His parents do own a large property way north of here. They'd be the ones who can afford it. Edit: ok this has gone beyond legal advice and beyond a joke I think, I just went around taking photos and doug has a dried up used cat litter tray in the bottom of his wardrobe underneath clothing, the bags of clothing have mouse nests in them, and there are cockroaches. I've phoned friends, we're dumping it on the front lawn tonight (it's 1130pm here) and I'm texting doug's parents with the photos and if they want any of it they'll come get it. I'll deal with the consequences of that later, my sanity and sanitation is worth more. UPDATE Brother's friend wanted a place to store 'a couple of wardrobes and a bed' while he moved back with his parents until the covid crisis is over. My house was packed with stinky furniture and it's all OK now. NSW Australia June 24, 2021 (3 days later) It's all solved. On Monday morning I sent photos of everything disgusting I could and of doug's furniture on the lawn to doug and his dad telling them it's beyond foul and I wouldn't be keeping any of it inside my house, and I'll dump it this week if they don't come get it. Twenty minutes later I got a call from doug's mother. She asked if it was so bad could I send her some evidence, like photos. I told her I'd already sent them to her son and his dad. She yelled out in the background to one of them "She says she DID send photos" then she got off the phone. Half an hour later she called me back and said they'd be down to pick up doug's stuff, and apologised. She asked if his books were OK. Apart from the mouse gnawing and droppings, yes. I'm not a barbarian, they were outside but under the eaves. This morning they turned up from 600km away. doug and his dad wanted to begin packing in their pantech but doug's mum wasn't having any of that. They dumped 90% of it at the tip and came back & took just a few things home. Even the food in the freezers was off. His mum apologised and offered to make me good with cash, but she's already solved enough and I declined. She left it open ended and said if I needed anything fixed to call her. I know I didn't follow legal advice, but this was the equivalent of someone asking you to hold onto a small keychain sized box for half a year, but instead they sneakily cover you in fifty kilos of feces you're not allowed to wash off until you get a lawyer and fill out all the right paperwork and wait a month. I just couldn't do it. I got lucky. I've had words with my brother and changed the locks to my place too. He'd opened up and let doug and doug's mates in, then left the key behind with him. He didn't know how bad it was either. My brother is an idiot and doug is a 32 year old baby and hopefully I'm a little wiser. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/roccomorocco0722 posting in r/relationship_advice ​ Concluded as per OOP ​ 1 update - Short ​ Original - 23rd April 2026 ​ Update - 24th April 2026 ​ My(M29) girlfriend(F30) wants to go spend a week on vacation with a male friend. ​ As it mentions in the title, my girlfriend of 8 months is travelling to Australia to see her friends for 3 weeks. It’s a big group of friends and I know them reasonably well. But, she told me a couple of days ago that she’s also then taking another flight to a different city to stay with a guy friend of hers for a week. He invited her to stay with him to go explore the city over the week. She told me this and then went on to say that she’d been telling me that this was the plan. The whole time she’s been telling me that she’s also gonna see an old friend from high school who lives in a different city. She made that sound like she’s having lunch with the guy. Now, all of a sudden it’s a week with this guy that I know nothing about. Now, I have no problem with her having guy friends. She has a few. I trust her completely. I don’t think anything has ever happened between her and any of her friends. But, a week long trip one on one is ridiculous. That I can’t tolerate. So I told her she can go and I’m out. The fact that she would plan a trip like this and tell me after the fact is an extremely disrespectful towards our relationship, especially when all we talk about is prioritizing each other over everything else. I don’t know what else to do except end things here. I don’t think this will be a one off, it’ll just become a pattern of pushing boundaries. After this conversation, she was very quick to say she’s cancelling the trip but I don’t think I care about that after the fact. I don’t think I can be in a relationship where I’m dealing with things like this. I expect my partner to have respect for our relationship, not just say “I’m not cheating on you though.” Is this pattern to expect if we don’t end things here? tl;dr my girlfriend planned a vacation with a guy friend and I want to end things because I don’t want to deal with this pattern if disrespect for our relationship. ​ Comments ​ EmuKey6463 Just have some dignity and end it. outcastreturns The good news is that you've only been together for 8 months. Drop her now so that you won't have to deal with this kinda stuff again years down the line. Embarrassed-Map7364 You made the right call to start with - she's 30 not 15 and knew perfectly well she'd been taking the piss. throw-far-away17 UHHHHHHMMMMM.. immediately no. I'm not even reading all that. Just plain no. That is sus asf. She just wants to cheat, if she isn't already. Also if she had doubts about the relationship she could have talked to you about them. Asked for reassurance or tried to address whatever was on her mind. OOP: I find it hard to believe about the “uncertainty” in our relationship. We were literally talking about getting married next year. I was introduced to all her family and her friends around here. Not sure if that’s something she’d do with a guy she’s “uncertain” about… Never communicated any of this before. I guess I’ll never know now ​ Update - 1 days later ​ After ending things, she started spiralling a bit. A lot of crying and crazy things. We spoke about all this and I tried to be, what I thought would be kind and let her get it all out. Her family members reached out asking what had happened as she was just a mess and then things escalated a little. I honestly don’t even know what to say about that. I spoke to her after all that once and decided to cut all contact. Ending things felt especially right because at some point in our conversation, she said she wouldn’t have booked this trip if she didn’t feel uncertain about our relationship…. Just wow, considering that we were planning to get married sometime early next year… So… I guess it really wasn’t as innocent of a trip as she’d let on and it certainly wasn’t a mistake. Now, she’s free from this “uncertain” relationship and certainly free to do what her heart desires. I really do hope she finds peace and happiness in her life. It sucks that things ended this way because we were freaking great up to this point. I’m just glad I trusted my gut. Always stick with your gut. ​ Comments ​ Ok-Silver8913 Dude. You just dodged a divorce. How scary is that? You need to date someone at least a couple of years before you get engaged. zemcawa The moment she said she booked the trip because she felt uncertain about the relationship… that’s all the closure you needed OOP: Yeah… I can’t imagine my head on a swivel when it comes to my partner. I’m not even someone who likes to even swipe to the next picture without asking. I felt like with her, it was already starting to send me down rabbit holes. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to be in that type of marriage. gbaker1a The important part is that you stood your ground and treated yourself with the respect you deserve. If most men were like you, this shit wouldn’t happen as often. And this girl will think about you for years and years too. OOP: I fell for her pretty hard. It’s still pretty crazy the things I was willing to do for her. I remember this one thing we always joke about and had become a thing: she’s a foodie and she loved this spread from a grocery store that was imported from Italy. They stoped carrying it shortly after she discovered it. I actually reached out to the distributor and found the only store in the country that still carried it and got it for her. Even spoke to the manager about keeping it in stock as much as possible, or if I could have it ordered in larger quantities and take it off their inventory right after. Didn’t that show her how much it meant to me to see her happy?!? Isn’t that the love she claimed to want in her life? “To be loved is to be seen, to be heard”… just wild to me. I tried to give her everything she even remotely mentioned she wanted. Still, I guess it wasn’t enough… I’ve never seen myself like this and I’m not gonna pretend it didn’t feel absolutely amazing, felt absolutely wired into life. This shit woke me up in an instant though BoredBKK " So… I guess it really wasn’t as innocent of a trip as she’d let on and it certainly wasn’t a mistake." And therefore this "guy friend" wasn't really a friend and this inappropriate behaviour was a long term issue. Good call and all the best moving forward. OOP: Yeah that part, about uncertainty definitely cleared up my uncertainty. No shot just a “friend” ezagreb She’s probably Just spewing a bunch of hurtful shit so don’t take anything she says seriously. I’m sure her parents will explain to her how stupid and idea her vacation with her friend was OOP: Yeah, parents were pissed, her siblings were pissed. I spoke to her siblings, I’ve known them for sometime, helped organize the older ones wedding events. All good people around her, always prioritizing her. I understand that, she cheers up the place. Brings joy wherever she goes. They really wanted us together, so they aren’t too happy with her choices right now either. Hopefully, they’ll see her with someone she is compatible with. ​ I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments submitted by /u/SharkEva to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

This is a PSA to all of the beautiful brides in this thread. I'm not trying to rain on your parade by saying this, but I'm saying it because your bridal party is too scared to. Please (PLEASE) stop planning exorbitant bachelorette weekends. Before social media, a bachelorette party was ONE NIGHT, not 3-5 days at an international Airbnb. Your best friends and family will go along with it because they love you (and they don't want to be the ones to say no), but please consider if you're really okay with making your friends pay $1k and stress over a trip they never wanted in the first place. I get it, it's "once in a lifetime", but is it worth the stress on your friendships? Seriously. And no. This is not a "fun girl's trip". A girl's trip is about everyone. This is an obligation with themes that your friends will have to pay even more money to fit. Not to mention excursions, food, PTO, the stress on your maid of honor to plan the whole thing... I promise, I'm writing this from a place of love as someone who has been a maid of honor multiple times, and a bridesmaid more times than I can count on both hands. UPDATE: I'm going to clear a couple of things up (before more of you get your panties in a wad). I'm strictly talking about INTERNATIONAL and cross-country bachelorette trips. "Just say No": It is VERY hard to say no to a bachelorette trip when you are in the bridal party or are the maid of honor. The bride wants what she wants, and you're not going to deter her from doing it (hence the post). This may be "once in a lifetime" for the bride, but this is likely the third bach weekend in a summer for her friends. Also, the brides on here saying "I'll understand if you can't go", are full of it. You will not be okay with your MOH or your best friend saying no to your bachelorette trip. Do you know how many friendships I've seen strain and crumble over this exact thing? Please. Groupthink: A big thing that happens in a bridal party is (usually not on the surface) everyone wants to be the bride's BEST friend, the best bridesmaid, to show what a great friend to the bride they are. This is why most people don't want to speak up about these expensive trips. And you can bet your last dollar that the person who tries to speak reason to the group, or the person who can't go on the trip for whatever reason, gets ostracized and talked about. Think of the popular girl in high school with her clique of friends. This is what it's like to be in a bridal party, even when the bride is the nicest, sweetest person. I'm explaining this for the men in the comments who don't get it. submitted by /u/insert_name234 to r/wedding [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Worried-Sandwich-408 Originally posted to r/AITAH AITAH for leaving my friend and going home after I asked her not to sleep with my boyfriend’s roommate? Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, health issues, falsifying statements ---- Original Post: February 19, 2026 My (20sF) friend Vanessa (21F) came to visit my college for her 21st birthday this fall. I wanted to surprise her for her birthday, but I am the only one out of our friend group who is over the age of 21. I got a bunch of my school friends together at my boyfriend's house, and we all went out and celebrated her and bought her drinks for her birthday. There were probably around 20 people. I was so excited to celebrate her, but before we left my apartment, I asked her not to sleep with my boyfriend's roommate, Alex. My other friend, Haley, liked Alex, and I knew it would make things awkward between her and I, if Vanessa pursued him. I told Vanessa this. For context, Vanessa has slept with one of my past situationships shortly after I had seen him, and with my sister's ex-boyfriend. I wasn't confident that she wouldn't pursue him unless I asked her, because she is single and Alex is conventionally attractive. Alex is also the only single guy in the house. After, we went back to my boyfriend's house for an after-party. My boyfriend, his roommates, Vanessa, Haley, and I were all there. I could tell that Vanessa was flirting with Alex, and I was watching Haley while this was happening. I briefly pulled Vanessa aside and asked her again not to sleep with him. She replied, "But he's soooo cute, and I'm not going to date him, so why does it matter?" I knew she had a lot to drink, and it was getting close to 4 am. To top things off, I was not feeling well and wasn't even planning to stay at my boyfriend's. I gave my friend a 30 minute warning, and Haley had already left at this point, so it was just us and my boyfriend's household left. I then told my friend that it was time to go, and I needed to go home. She said "okay I need to go get my phone, it's charging." It was charging in Alex's room. They both went upstairs and never came back down. One of their other roommates was blocking the stairway so I started calling her name. I waited around another 30 minutes or so to see if she would come down. I then called her phone multiple times trying to reach her before I gave up and texted her that I was leaving and walked the 10 minutes back to my apartment by myself. She texted me back later that she was ready to come back, but I felt really sick and didn't want to get out of bed to let her into the building. I may be the AH here but I told her to just stay there and I would get her in the morning. I walked back over to my boyfriend's at 9 am the next day and let her know that I was there. She didn't come down from his room until 2 pm. I was really upset and frustrated, but decided to ignore it since it was her birthday and we were celebrating her again that night. I even covered for her when her dad texted asking where she was, and I told him we were at my place and she was sleeping. A few days later, I ended up in the hospital for a week due to my illness. I had to spend Thanksgiving in a hospital bed. I went back to school after and thought nothing more of the situation, but now it's February and Vanessa hasn't texted me back since and now I am starting to worry. In our group chats, everyone answers me except for her. Is what I did really enough for her to ignore me in this way? In the end, I don’t care that she slept with him. I wouldn't have left Vanessa there if it wasn't my boyfriend's house, and I wasn't so close with all of his friends. But I was in so much pain and trusted them. AITAH? AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions of all kinds, mostly leaning toward YTAs. Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: So she slept with your sisters ex-boyfriend and a guy you dealt with and were still her friend? Lol OOP: My sister did not care, why should I have Commenter 2: You don’t have to care that she slept with y’all’s situationship/exes BUT it shows Vanessa’s character and it’s a matter of principle. Take it from someone who is much older than you and have seen this a time or two, people like her are always in secret competition with others. They like to poach spouses and exes for sport. They do it so they can prove to themselves that they’re “better” than the other person (in this case you and your sister…I would bet money she asked the exes if she was better in bed). This recent incident is a prime example of who she truly is and has been all along however you either chose to ignore it and excuse it by saying “oh that’s just how she is” or maybe you don’t fully understand her character because you were blinded by the longevity of your “friendship”. Now you’re really get burned by her nasty personality and you’re waking up to see her for who she is. Don’t be surprised if you find out she trash talked Haley to Alex. She’s selfish, self-centered, manipulative, disrespectful, dishonest, jealous, male centered, and an asshole. I could use many more adjectives, but I hope you get the point. As everyone suggested, defend yourself by sending the screenshots to prove she’s been lying about you. Cut her out of your life because she’s toxic and will only get worse with time. Anyone who sides with her isn’t your friend either and should be dumped as well. Welcome to your 20s…it’s the decade where many friends are gained and lost because you get to see people’s true colors. It’s up to you to decided your tolerance level for their behavior. OOP: You are definitely right. Thank you for putting it into perspective for me Commenter 3: It seems a little pathetic that you can’t keep boundaries with her and are continuing to be her friend when she keeps crossing boundaries Commenter 4: NTA. Drop this AH expeditiously lmao. Who cares about her sleeping with Alex? It’s the complete lack of care for your feelings and time that makes her a bad friend. What type of shit is Vanessa on? She slept with your situationship and then your sister’s ex? She’s going to try to fuck your boyfriend next since she clearly has a goal of one-upping every other woman around her.   Update: February 22, 2026 (three days later) UPDATE: AITAH for leaving my friend and going home after I asked her not to sleep with my boyfriends roommate? Just wanna clear things up before I get into my update. One, I’ve known Vanessa my entire life, we grew up down the street from each other. She’s in my direct friend group. So for everyone calling me an idiot for not keeping my boundaries, it’s hard to cut out a friend who you’ve known for so long. Now on to the update. On Friday, Vanessa visited my sister out of state. Vanessa’s always dodgy with texts so I thought maybe she was just busy with school but when I saw that she visited my sister hours away when I’m in the same state as her I knew it was more than that. I texted my sister when I knew that Vanessa left and asked her if she knew why Vanessa was ignoring me. She said she did and asked if I was free to call. The first thing my sister said to me on the phone was “I would never ever leave my friend at a house full of guys by herself without telling her.” I was confused and asked what she was talking about. My sister and I had a long conversation and she told me that Vanessa said that I left her at the house without saying anything. She seemed disgusted by this. She also told me that Vanessa had wanted to talk to me about the situation but then I ended up in the hospital, so she never did. I was furious and sent my sister screen shots of our texts and our call log with time stamps. I told her exactly what happened and explained the texts. I asked her who else she told this to and turns out our entire friend group thinks that I just left without saying anything. I was in tears just thinking about how my sister and closest friends have thought these things about my character for months at this point. My sister believes me after seeing the texts and apologized for not asking me about the situation. I still haven’t talked to Vanessa, but I don’t think I really need to after hearing what she told everyone. I will definitely be keeping my distance from now on and only seeing her when our group gets together. I also plan on telling the group of friends with the screenshots. I don’t know why she did this, but some comments definitely shed some light. Other than that, I know who the people in my life are that actually care about me. Thank you for everyone’s comments, they helped motivate me to talk to my sister and realize the truth about Vanessa. To those calling us immature, we’re 21 and our brains aren’t fully developed, there’s a big difference between this happening at 21 vs 26. To those saying ESH, I appreciate your thoughts and agree with many. And to those who defended me or had my back, thank you for not making me feel crazy! Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: Do you plan to clear the air with your other friends?! Because I sure as shit would. Not only was she an asshole during the party itself, she lied about the situation to your own damn sister (and I assume many others.) The balls on her to assume you two would never talk about that or that you wouldn’t defend yourself?! My first thought was to send the screenshots and a written out recap of the night to the group chat. OOP: Absolutely will be doing this. Commenter 2: NTA at all, and honestly I’d stop downplaying how messed up this is just because you’ve known her forever. She didn’t “misremember,” she actively lied to your sister and your whole friend group about a situation where you were literally hospitalized. That’s character assassination, not immaturity. Show the group the screenshots, clear your name, then let her be a background character in your life from now on. OOP: I’m just in disbelief that it even happened. We used to be best friends and it’s so hard to let it go but I will send the screenshots Commenter 3: It was abundantly clear what sort of person this Vanessa was in your first post. Her lying to make you the bad person and herself the poor misunderstood victim in any action that reflects badly on her is just to be expected. There are a lot of Vanessas on the world. The only saving grace is once you know them for who they are you don't have to associate with them. In fact it's far better for you not to be associated with them.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Weird tile but I’ll role with it. So I (16m) was talking to my friend (15f), I recently have been getting into urban exploring and was talking about it with her. She asked if she could come at some point, it’s important to mention she is plus sized. I said of course, but there would be certain places she wouldn’t be able to go because the only entrances were very small holes or there were parts you needed to be lifted into. I didn’t say it in a way that was intended to shame her, I just stated it like above, she got upset about what I said, I told her it wasn’t meant to hurt her- I just wanted her to know for future reference, but she hung up on me and we haven’t talked since. AITA? EDIT: I feel I should mention this: I didn’t mention her size just because, I mentioned it because of the her wanting to go to a specific place, and that one happens to have a very small entrance and several parts that are hard to squeeze thru- but because of that I mentioned it was something that might happen at several places. And I said that it was ok because there were many places she could go and I would take her there- just wanted to clarify for a few comments I got. But thanks everyone!! I really appreciate the insight and feel I have a better perspective now! submitted by /u/Glass-Lemon-2122 to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/leon385 to r/BobsBurgers [link] [comments]

I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is still Virgo514. They posted in r/AmItheAsshole and r/AITAH This is sort of a new update in the sense that it builds on the issues of the previous BORUs. BORU here (by me) second here (by insafian). New Update marked with ****\* Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. Do NOT message the Original Poster. This is a long post. Trigger Warnings: emotional neglect Mood Spoiler: really frustrating and just kind of sad Original Post: January 19, 2024 Title: AITA for telling my husband he works for himself, not for our family My husband and I have known each other for 6 years and been married for almost 3 years now. We have a one year old, and we're expecting another baby. Our marriage has been full of emotional highs, we love each other and let the other know regularly. My husband has a 9 - 5 job after which he is also a tutor. He had started this back when we were in college, and it was never an issue, he always had enough time. Even in the years leading up to the marriage and the first year of our marriage, this was never a big issue. However, in the last year or so it's become a big issue, and it's getting worse. He keeps on adding more classes to his schedule. Until last month we had a red line that no classes on Sunday, he would devote that entire time to us. But last month he even added a class on Sunday on the excuse that exams are starting. It started to feel like me and my son weren't a priority to him anymore. Some days he comes home at 11. On other days he's doing it online but that's not much better because he still can't give us any time. Last Sunday, I finally spoke out and told him he was neglecting his family. He was offended and told me that he doesn't enjoy having to work so hard but he's doing it for our family. This is where I told him that no, I think he does enjoy it, it gives him an excuse to not spend time with us, and that he was doing this for himself not for us. As things currently stand, our collective income is more than enough, there really was no need for him to add more classes on top of his existing ones, he's doing it for himself at this point. He's literally busy Monday - Saturday and now he's trying to cross the red line we established for Sunday. We've been on bad terms since this fight. He keeps saying he can't believe that I said he works for himself not for us. AITA here? Some of OOP's Comments: Is he the only one who works? OOP: I have a 9 -5 job too, and like I said our collective income covers our expenses and then some. If that weren't the case of course I wouldn't be angry, I would understand. But given the situation, the fact that he took away the one day we get together just because "it's exam season" really got to me. I also want to make clear I absolutely appreciate how he provides for us to give us a great standard of living. And I've told him this many times. But now it feels like he's adding more work to disengage. To another commenter: We have a joint bank account. I know how much money we make together and how much our expenses are. As things currently stand, almost all my income is our joint savings after all the expenses are done. That's why adding more students and classes doesn't make sense to me. Commenter: [downvoted] Is it possible that he grew up very poor, and is not comfortable with your current financial setting? You have a young child, and you have another on the way. Perhaps he feels that the nest egg that you two have is not big enough. OOP: No, he did not grow up poor. Both his parents are doctors, so that wasn't the case at all. ZookeepergameOwn5632: INFO: I see where you’re coming from but I gotta ask - you sound like you feel secure about your financial situation. But does he? You’re expecting another kid. You have a 1-year old with another on the way. I don’t know where you’re based, but certain regions are more expensive than others for families to live in. Based on just that information alone, there could be plenty of thought put behind whether or not you guys have the financial stability for the future. You clearly think so, but does your husband? Have you ever had that conversation with him, fruitfully, honestly, about the objective truth of your financial stability AND his and your thoughts on it? OOP: Yes, we had that discussion before. We talked about how since we're already comfortable, there shouldn't be any need to have a class on Sunday. In fact at the time, I also thought he should cut down on his existing classes but relented on the Sunday agreement. I didn't think the numbers were important, but a lot of comments (not you) seem to doubt my judgement that we're stable. I'm an accountant who makes $70k/year. My husband is a software engineer who makes around over $100k. And based on how many students he teaches and how many classes he has, he makes over $100k from that. Our household income covers our expenses. I'm an accountant, this is kind of my bread and butter. OOP is voted NTA Update Post: January 20, 2024 (2 days later) Thank you for the feedback in the last post. The comments said that me asking him to adhere to the boundaries we established was reasonable. Some comments also suggested that I should not have implied that he works just to get away, so I was a little apologetic as well. After he came back I decided to talk to him about this. The conversation was a bit of a trainwreck. I brought up the fact that our income far exceeds ur current and projected expenses. That me and our son were missing him, and needed him to spend more time with us, and I made sure to stress that I appreciated all that he did. It just seemed like we were on completely different wavelengths. He said he kept on taking more lessons and students because he wanted us to have a good standard of living, have better vacations, better schools, a second house. I was dumbfounded. I never knew he felt that way. I stressed our current standard of living was great, we make enough money, and that if he thinks that way there's no end in sight. What if he decided we should also have a third house or something? Right now I needed him with me. At this point, I kind of lost control and started crying. I didn't mean to, it wasn't something I wanted to do to pressure him or anything, just the fact that we were at an impasse was wrecking me. I told him I'd been feeling unhappy, that I kept compromising and he reneged on it. After some more crying and consoling, my husband agreed that Sunday should have remained off-limits. He gently asked me to give him a pass for one more Sunday, because his students exams end next week, and he would make Sunday untouchable the following semester onwards. He also promised to try to resize his classes in order to be able to come back home for dinner even if it's late dinner. He asked for time to do all this. I've given it to him and I know he loves us enough to do what he promised. Thanks for the feedback to the original post. Relevant Comments: Commenter: You need to tell him that he needs to get right with his family and you right now. Or he might be living in that third house alone. Play him "Cat's in the Cradle" as background music. OOP: I would like the changes to happen immediately but I want those changes to be permanent. If he does something at a snap right now but has to go back that would suck. So I'm just giving him the time to make those sustainable changes. I'm getting our Sunday back after the next one which is progress. At least we're back to the red line. He said he'd already booked a lot of classes for the next semester, so he just asked for time to discuss and rearrange them since he can't just say no to his students after agreeing. He was earnest, I believe I made it known to him the toll its been taking on me, and he will make the necessary changes. Feelinggross99: Did he explain why he had these feelings of needing more? Is it because the new baby is coming and this is like some weird financial nesting? Or did this start well before you were pregnant? [...] OOP: That's kind of where we weren't getting through to each other. He kept saying that he wants our family to have a good lifestyle, while I kept saying that we're already in a place where we aren't lacking anything except him in the house. He finally understood that that's what our son and I need from him right now. I know I had told him last week that I think he does this just to be away from us, which I feel shitty about, but it's just that his tutoring hit critical mass close to when our son was born. I know the number of students and classes had been increasing steadily over the years, and maybe we should have set boundaries from the start but it's gotten too much now. KillerDiva: Have you guys considered hiring a maid/nanny to help with household duties? If your making enough money it could be worth the investment to reduce your burden OOP: Ya, that came up in the conversation and I'm looking into it. My job is wfh two days of the week so that helps, and my mom lives close by which is super helpful too. Most days I manage the household and child rearing without any issues. Like it's not like I plan to give him a list of errands to run on the days he's in the house, but him just being physically present is something I'm missing now, and he's promised to remedy it as well he can. hellofuckingjulie: OP. You did a good job and took an important first step. I think it would be unrealistic for him to do a complete 180 after this conversation, and this is a necessary stepping stone. I’m usually very negative about relationships, but it disheartened me to see all the top comments being so negative when you took the time to update us and you didn’t need to. I hope things continue to improve for you OOP: Thank you. I had thought I did good, and then found out a lot of people here disagreed, so I started doubting how I did. I appreciate what everyone is saying, but he's a loving husband, friend, and father, it's just this one issue that's just gotten out of hand, I cant think of packing my bags. I believe he was neglecting us, but during the conversation realized he didn't know the extent to which it was affecting us. The classes issue has been getting bigger and bigger over time, so I realize fixing it will require some time, I'm just going to make sure I see him do it. OOP comments January 24, 2024 (2 days later) Bleu_Rue: The biggest problem I see is that his self-worth is being validated by his students and classes - more than by his own family. He likes how teaching makes him feel, and he doesn't get the same validation from being just a husband and father. So, he will continue to prefer working as much as he can. And it's a double whammy because he justifies the extra work is for his family, so he feels doubly validated for doing "good" things. OOP: Your comment stayed with me for some reason, and I kept coming back to it. I asked him yesterday if he enjoyed teaching Physics and Math for hours on end, that he works so long how does he not start hating it. (I didn't bring up the topic of reduced hours or Sunday because we already have an agreement on that for now). He said he does like it. After some more inconspicuous needling he told me he enjoys the fact that so many people trust that he can make them understand stuff and better their grades/future. I didn't go further into it. But your comment really helped give me some insight. Thank you so much. Update Post 2: March 11, 2025 (over 1 year later) Over a year ago I had asked for feedback from Reddit over my husband's work schedule. Since then things have gotten much better. Many people have been very kind to ask me if things are better. I had posted about the current state of things a month ago but deleted it because the first few comments and PMs were pessimistic and I had anticipated a more optimistic response. But I'm more secure in where we are now, and just decided to post the final update here. Around a year ago I had been having issues with my husband regarding his tutoring schedule and had come here to know if I was in the wrong. A few people had asked me to let them know if things improve or continue to deteriorate. We're in a better place now. We've been blessed with a daughter now too. He has become better at handling his workload and tutors primarily online now. I know I had said at the time that that's not much better but it really is. Sundays have become sacrosanct again(with very rare exceptions that he asks my approval for in advance), and Wednesdays are free now too. He does more group tutoring now and so gets done by 8 30 most days too. He also got a new day job which is entirely wfh, which has made things much better because he isn't so burnt out anymore. In the weeks following up to my daughters arrival, he'd been by my side(especially since she arrived during the summer when school is out).I also took some advice from here and hired help to ease the burden which has worked out really well. I've also learned to embrace the fact that his tutoring gives him joy which maybe his software development job doesn't. He seems to be proud when his students get into good universities, and that it results in even more students. He still claims to do it for purely financial reasons but I know that can't be completely true, because our financial needs really do not require it. So it must be something he enjoys. So I've become more understanding on that front too. I have had to put my foot down a few times though especially in the initial days following our conversation to make sure he understands that I was serious about needing his presence more. I had also confided in his older sister about this issue (which he was NOT happy about at the time and was probably an accidental AH move on my end) but it helped. They had an argument, she straight up told him he was either going to end up working his way into an early grave at the age of 30 or ending up divorced, which helped. Full disclosure the only time we ever really argue is still about this when I'll want him to be free but he won't be. But it's rare and overall we've come up with a good balance that seems to be working for us. Thank you. OOP's Comment: jrm1102: I think my questions are - is he missing things? What do you need support with? What’s the actual crux of the issue? I read your posts and it speaks to a lot of how you feel but (and apologies if I missed it in the comments) but is he actually not pulling his weight at home? Is he missing important events? I agree its important to spend time together as a family unit but usually when working on improving relationships feedback needs to be specific and actionable. OOP: We don't get to have our evening tea where we used to decompress, except on Wednesdays, and Sundays. I know that doesn't sound like much but I really enjoy that and ig its unfortunate hes not missing that. Some times he'll miss dinner but he really tries to avoid it I know. As far as important events go, all of our friends and family now know that Saturdays don't work for us so they avoid it if possible. But the other day a family friend had a gender reveal party on Saturday and my husband couldn't accompany me. Little things like that still happen. If I'm being very honest, when my son was born, I had a picture in my mind of what our house would look like after 5 pm. It involved my husband always being there and us all having quality family time. The fact that that didn't happen is what my real issue is. I know life gets in the way but I'm concerned about how we're developing our bonds as a family some times. As far as chores go, we've hired some help and my mom being close really helps too so that's not too big of an issue. New Posts *****New Post 1: November 5, 2025 (8 months later, 22 months from OG post)****\* Title: AITA for telling my husband I'll go on vacation with the kids and my best friend if he's too busy with work? My husband and I have been married for over 4 years. Our son is 3 and our daughter is 16 months old. My husband has a busy schedule, due to both his day job and his business after that and on Saturdays (and sometimes if I'm ok with it, Sundays). We had planned to go to Spain at the end of December for a couple of weeks. Like we've bought tickets, booked a hotel, talked about how we'll spend our two weeks there. Last weekend he asked if we could postpone our trip to the end of June. Like a literal six months after we're supposed to go. I said no, it was so unfair that he was pulling this at the last minute. He asked me to understand that his business required him to suddenly change his plans, that it was important, that hed been looking forward to this down time as much as I had. To provide more context this isnt the first time this has been an issue. His business hours had been an issue over the past 2 to 3 years. He'd made changes and organized his hours better and his job had become wfh too, so we had struck a balance that I could be ok with. But his business hours again started infringing on our family time, and he'd been promoted to a managerial role at his day job so he was now going in to work on some days too. I told him I'd been looking forward to this for so long, counting days till our vacation. I told him I'll be going regardless whether he wants to come or not, and if he doesnt want to come we can get a refund and my best friend can go in his place. Admittedly I was just lashing out I have no idea of the logistics of it. Yesterday I asked him again what his plan was. He tried to show me messages from his clients to show how busy he was during that period, I told him I don't care. He gave me his word. According to him I'm being unreasonable. I wanted to know AITA here. Also, I dont even know if its logistically feasible and I dont want it to come to it, but would I be the AH if I actually went on vacation and took my best friend along? OOP is voted NTA It would probably be super expensive to postpone the trip anyway: I figured they wouldn't be transferable. I believe our tickets should be refundable I haven't checked because I hate thinking about it and I believe he'll come through. Jakyland: INFO: what’s the financial situation? Does he need to be working a second job, and does he really need to please this client this much? OOP: Our financial situation is well in the green. Tending to These clients during those two weeks won't make or break us. Local_Gazelle538: He needs to either set the boundary with his clients that he won’t be available those 2 weeks, or do the work remotely from Spain. His business is tutoring students, if he lets them know now, he can plan what’s he’s tutoring them on to get them ready for exams before he goes away. Definitely hold your ground on this. From your previous posts he has a real issue with over-working and not prioritising family. It’s like he feels like he’s failing if he relaxes - and that’s not good for his health long-term, or his marriage. OOP: Thanks. I agree and maybe thats the compromise I can go with. That he can do it online from there. Its not ideal, I'm not wild about him doing his classes while we're on vacation but at least we'll be together. I'll think about it. Also, I just realized my profile was available for people to see my previous posts. It sounds wrong but I was trying to keep the business vague rather than mention that its his tutoring business because when that gets mentioned, everyone becomes a lot more sympathetic about the work. But its not a charity he's running, its his business. ecatt: The tutoring thing makes him look worse, honestly. He could easily have told his students he's not going to be available those weeks months ago. And that's even before I peaked your profile and saw you were the one who posted previously about what a workaholic your husband is. If you do delay the vacation, you know he's just going to cancel again, right? He's addicted to working and this is never going to end. OOP: I'm surprised and honestly relieved that his business being tutoring isn't clouding people's judgement. It definitely does irl. If I ever in passing talk about how busy he is, everyone, including my own mom lol, is like yeah it sucks but also look at how many students future he's securing. At this point I just honestly want to reply with what about our kids. My kids get his undivided attention less than other people's kids. I know it sounds horrible lol. ravenlit: That may be a fix for now but boundaries don’t work when your husband continues to blow thru through them and faces no consequences. If you divorced right now and your husband had 50/50 custody we would see his kids more. Is this really how you want to continue living? If you’re fine with how things are right now then that’s fine. But it doesn’t seem like you are happy. Because this keeps coming up again and again. And he continues to not listen to you and then he complains about problems that he created. [...] OOP: No, I'm not. I would like him to dedicate more of his time to us. And he did make things better but things got out of hand again. Hes a good and loving husband and father otherwise, its just this one issue, and it is what it is ig. But pulling the rug out at the last minute is unacceptable and thats why I dont think I should postpone the vacation. I'm going to push for him doing it online from there, I think that'll be a good compromise. Update Post: November 9, 2025 (4 days later, still around 22 months from OG post) Hi, thanks a lot for the feedback on my first post. I had decided to suggest he do his tutoring classes online while we were in Spain as a compromise and thats what I was planning on doing. My husband caught a cold on Thursday though and had been really down and out the last couple of days. He had taken these two days off work (from his day job). Despite my insistence that he rest, he tried to do his tutoring class as scheduled but literally couldn't get through it and canceled those as well. I didn't want to have the conversation while he was this sick so I postponed it. It was great (maybe not the best choice of words as a wife talking about my husband getting sick lol) to kind of just have him do nothing for these two days. He spent time with me and the kids, a few of his friends and some mutual friends of ours also came to our place to see him because they rarely see him outside of important occasions. Last night I brought up the vacation again. He agreed without too much resistance. He said he'll move around some classes or take them in advance but either way he'll be with us for the vacation. I thanked him and also told him he needs to take it easy its clearly affecting his health. He was like him being sick isn't because of the work its because of the change in weather. I did bring up that we had had an agreement earlier and that he'd kept to it for a while and we'd really struck a good balance but things are back to the way they were prior to that. He said he always asked me before filling up Sundays, and that is true tbf, its just, there's only so many times I can say no. He also mentioned how two people he knows have recently been laid off, that times are bad economically. I told him I don't see why that has to affect him, we're doing well financially, we have more than enough savings, our careers are good, he has a business that has been growing every year, we're secure where we are. He said he was too sick to talk about this, and that right now our kids are young, they need less of him, that his classes are important because students and parents come to him after having heard of him, and that its important for them to get into good universities. I told him our son is old enough that he now wants to spend time with him, and that I can compromise on my needs and wants but not our kids'. He got the point I was trying to make and said that he'll make the necessary changes. I'm glad our vacation is back on track! I'd really been looking forward to this as a family. Also, I'm glad I told him how he'd been reneging on the balance we'd established earlier and he'll be going back to it. He did do it last time so I'm confident he'll do it again, we both just have to work to make sure we keep it in place. Thanks a lot. Top Comment: DrukMeMa: Glad the vacation is happening (supposedly) but he’s full of crap. He’s made his priorities clear. Young kids need their parents more! Environmental_Art591: By the time he is ready to be a dad his kids wont know who he is beyond the name and as a result they wont want him around because they wont have a bond or anything in common. OP, you need to have your new years resolution be that if he goes back to his old ways of prioritising everyone and everything above you and the kids, that you will walk away and consult a divorce lawyer. You might find it easier and less stressful to be a real single mum than a married single mum. Its better for the kids to be in a happy single parent home than in a two parent home where one parent resents the absent parent Again, do NOT comment on Original Posts and do NOT message the Original Poster, no matter how much you want to. You will be banned from this sub and put this sub at risk. submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Yes I ended up telling my wife what happened and I listened to you guys and woke her up to tell her. I told her every single detail and she sort of doubted that nothing happened between us so in her mind she thinks I fucked her friend, but I didn’t. My wife has full access to my phone and my location 24/7 and we have the cloud family setup so I have nothing to hide. Ya’ll were right. She said I should have told her when it happened and I reassured her a dozen times nothing happened, but she said she needed time on her own and she called up her friend and gave her hell too. She asked me to leave the house for a couple days and last night I slept in the car hoping she would tell me to come back. Nope. Her friend texted me and asked to talk so she called me on the phone. I argued with her about why she would do something like that. She apologized and she told me she just kind of caught feelings fir me because she saw how well I treat my wife and she wants what I have with my wife . She knows I got kicked out and she keeps calling me and telling me I could stay at her place while my wife cools down I’m not so sure on her intentions though. What can I do moving forward now that I am sleeping in the csr and my eife is doubting me?? Edit: my marriage is pretty much over.. my wife is going to divorce me. I did go an talk to her friend and she told me the truth and it hurt me deep down in my soul. My wife is in love with another man who is more established and is older and makes a lot more money than anyone in my age bracket. Her friend first told me that my wife was basically emotionally cheating snd I didn’t believe her until she showed me some semi old texts between her and my wife. She mentioned her being satisfied with me as a provider, but I wasn’t enough for her and I was too immature. I confronted my wife and she broke it to me that she is going to let things go with way me. Her friend offered me to stay at her place in the spare room while we sort things out with our lawyer and the custody of our baby. You guys can bash me all you want over me staying here for now, but I am honestly done and lost what I cared about most. submitted by /u/ThrowRAhngTop to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is upperclasshabits. She posted in r/relationship_advice Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. Trigger Warning: discussions of pet death Mood Spoiler: OOP makes a good choice for herself Original Post: May 23, 2025 Looking for advice on a triggering situation that feels all too familiar… My ex (25M at the time) and I (25F at the time) started as friends at work, and our relationship was great—he was my best friend. But issues came up with his long-time female friends. They'd say "I love you," sit on each other’s laps, and touch each other in ways I felt were inappropriate. Despite expressing my discomfort and asking him to set boundaries, he couldn’t, so I messaged the women myself out of frustration, which blew up the situation. Fast forward: My current boyfriend (31M) and I (29F now) also started as close work friends and developed a strong, mutual relationship. We’ve been friends now for 8 months, officially dating for 4 months. He’s a kind, giving person and sees serving others as part of his faith, which I admire. But a situation with his female friend, “Olivia” (30F) is bringing back those same feelings of being second. Olivia, who lives in another state (my boyfriend’s home state where he moved from almost a year ago) and knows about me, invited herself for his birthday weekend this Memorial Day weekend and booked a cabin just for the two of them (Friday–Monday). She’s shown no interest in meeting me, and though I was initially supportive, I now feel excluded and confused. He’s said multiple times that he doesn’t even want to go—that he feels trapped, suspects she might have romantic feelings, and wouldn’t normally hang out with her this long. But he’s going anyway because he feels bad—she has chronic health issues and recently lost her dog. I’m angry and sad. I don’t expect to be the center of anyone’s universe, but I can’t understand why he’d prioritize someone he doesn’t even seem close to over me, especially when I’ve been clear about how this impacts me. I want to be understanding and supportive, but I also want to feel respected and prioritized. How do I approach this without trying to control the situation—or sacrificing my own emotional well-being? Some of OOP's Comments: Commenter: If he feels trapped and has suspicions, then is seem like a trap. Therefore, you ought to go too. It’s his birthday weekend, why wouldn’t you be there? Good luck! OOP: She told him that she doesn’t want to be put in a position to have to explain her chronic health conditions to someone she doesn’t know - mind you, her ENTIRE health history is regularly posted about on her public facebook - and doesn’t want to have to pretend she’s okay when she isn’t (I speculate this might be more in regards to her potential feelings about he and I being together). Commenter: So he "feels bad" if he disappoints HER, but is OK with disappointing YOU. That tells you all you need to know about his potential as your bf. OOP: (downvoted) See, I don’t know if it’s about disappointing her so much as he (and this is going to sound awful because it is) sees her as somewhat of a charity case. If he thinks he’s in a position to help someone, he wants to, but I think she’s unnecessarily leaning on him as her primary support even though she has so much support locally, and he’s enabling her behavior by agreeing to this. Commenter: He's still putting her before you. It's especially bad since you said he suspects she's interested in him romantically. This is his chance to set her straight. Instead his behavior is keeping her engaged. OOP: That was my thought but I was dreading the facts… Commenter: Maybe try telling him the truth that if he goes on this trip it’ll be the end of your relationship? If he won’t put her in her place even when he’s uncomfortable, then she’ll always be around. Do you really wanna put up with her forever? It’s only been 4 months and you can already see it coming. Is it worth it? OOP: I don’t think so, and I think this is definitely proving to be a litmus test. I can’t stand to be someone who doesn’t learn from her past experiences. Commenter: He thinks she has romantic feelings for him, he doesn’t want to disappoint her and it’s his birthday. Agreeing to a weekend in a cabin alone with her will do nothing to help the situation. He’s ok with disappointing you. Run-don’t walk- away from him. Yes, it’s only been 4 months, but he’s in a relationship. He shouldn’t be spending the weekend alone with someone that has feelings for him, especially when that someone isn’t his girlfriend. OOP: (downvoted) Funny enough, he and I have both talked about how there’s no way in hell he’d ever be with someone like her romantically. His last girlfriend of 7 years also cheated on him so he has literally no tolerance for cheating, so I’m actually not worried about that at all. It’s purely the disrespect I feel from her (whether intentional or not) and his seeming disregard for my feelings given that I’ve expressed all of this to him. I don’t want to be the person to tell him to do the dickish thing and cancel last minute, even though I was almost willing to suggest I pay her for his half of the cabin so he wouldn’t need to go. Commenter: No offense, but you are being so naive. Are you sure his ex really cheated on him? If he was cheated on, he wouldn't try to downplay what it means spending days with another woman alone. He is going to a romantic getaway with a woman who he knows has feelings for him. She may not be his type, that wouldn't stop most guys from sleeping with a woman though. You need to pay attention to his actions, rather than his words. He is playing both of you. Who knows what he is saying about you to her? Is she being told that you are a charity case? OOP: (downvoted) I’m confident about his ex cheating for many reasons, and I think that’s why he didn’t say no - because he knows nothing would happen in that regard, so he thinks it’s a non-issue to go because I have nothing to worry about. Again, that was NEVER my concern, and I think his past experience is giving him tunnel vision on the issue being cheating rather than the disrespect of the entire situation. Mini Update in Comments: Next Day [in response to a commenter saying she's really stretching for excuses for him] so i just got the diagnosis from the doctor: it turns out that i actually suffer from a chronic condition called ✨delusion ✨ Update Post: May 24, 2025 (Day after OG post) UPDATE: I offered potential solutions, I offered compromises. I was clear with what exactly was bothering me and that I would never put him in this position. I told him he would be so incredibly hurt, and rightfully so, if I did this to him. I told him he could decide for himself what he wants to do, and I told him what I wouldn’t be tolerating from a partner. He acknowledged and agreed that everything I was saying was true. Then he went. Because “he wants to get out of the habit of being so flakey” and “made a commitment so he has to go”. I texted him that I’ll always love him (now only) as a friend, like I told him from the very beginning. Now I’m not even sure I can, or want to. Love is a choice. The opposite of love is indifference, and he’s all but told me he’s indifferent to me both as a partner and as a friend. Thanks for the tough love, Reddit. I’d rather be angry - at him, at myself for not seeing this coming - than be sad while he feels absolutely nothing. Edit to add: Yes, I ended it. I can’t even think about him or the situation without being angry. I look forward to when the anger turns to indifference. Some of OOP's Comments: Commenter: Good on you, OP. Did he respond to your text? Sorry but there's no way that he did was the right choice. He dismissed your feelings completely. He never gave a crap. OOP: He very ignorantly replied “does this mean you’re ending the relationship?” and then patronizingly said “I admire you for putting up your boundaries, it’s more than I’ve certainly done”. Commenter: Why would you love this asshole even as a friend after he did this to you? Just go no contact and forget this person. He doesn't care about you at all. OOP: In between sending that and now, he replied with nothing but patronizing support for my ability to set the boundaries he couldn’t. He fully acknowledged what happened and responded with indifference - that’s all since made it impossible for me to want anything to do with him. Commenter: Really just cheating on you full on in front of your face, huh? What a POS OOP: I speculate he feels content because he didn’t lie about anything. Commenter: This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. He can’t say no to a holiday weekend getaway because her dog died. Next it will be he couldn’t turn down her offer to bang all weekend because she was sad about her dog. Tell him to enjoy his holiday weekend but after the holiday he’ll need to find himself a new girlfriend. I spent way too much time married to someone who prioritized helping/pleasing other people and putting me on the back burner. It will never get better. OOP: I am laughing even admitting this, but my last ex? His friend’s dog had also just died. I think I need to start being more observant about whether my future partner’s friends have any dogs that might be on the brink of death. Commenter: Our work is done. OOP: Sometimes you really do just need a group of unbiased strangers to tell you what you should already know submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I'm (18F) in college and I made plans to find a place with my friends this summer instead of going home. We're hoping to all live together anyway so it made sense for us to start now and stay close and work. For me the decision was easy because going home would make for a toxic summer. My dad disagrees and he's annoyed I won't come home. The problem is we have a blended family and I'm not on the same page as everyone else. Dad has me, my sister (13) and my brother (12). My dad's wife has my stepbrother (12) and stepsister (10). Everyone lost a parent. Me and my siblings lost our mom and my stepsiblings lost their dad. My siblings and stepsiblings consider dad and his wife their mom and dad and all of us siblings with no step in the title. They don't even really see our individual dead parents as parents anymore. But I never saw it the same. My dad's wife is not my mom. I did not agree to it and when my dad and his wife adopted each other's kids, I was the exception to it. And even though I don't hate my stepsiblings to me they are stepsiblings and they are not the same as my actual siblings. I don't love them particularly and while I like them it's not on the same level. It meant feelings were hurt over the years since they married when I was 12. My dad's wife hated that I didn't see her as any kind of mom to me. She said even if I called her something like ma or mama it would mean a lot even if it wasn't mom. She also said I could figure something else to call her if I was adopted and me refusing 25 times to be adopted upset her a lot. My dad got mad at me for hurting his wife's feelings. My siblings didn't like me being outside of the family unit and they gave me shit for hurting dad's wife. Our relationship got so bad before I left because they said if everyone else saw us as just a family and not a blended family, why should I be different. They told me I was being selfish and ruining everything for them. My stepsiblings knew on some level my relationship with them was different than the one with my siblings and it hurt their feelings because they saw me as a sister like they saw my siblings as their brother and sister. I was nice to them but not physically affectionate. It felt wrong. I didn't have that bond with them. My dad and I fought a lot my final year at home. He told me I was preventing us from being a perfect family. He said I was bringing the household down by insisting on being different. He told me I had no good reason to reject being adopted "almost 50 times" which it wasn't that many and yeah I counted. He said I should be grateful and should love his wife just for being so willing to adopt me. Then he'd call me a brat constantly. A few times he even told me he wished he could've forced the adoption against my wishes and made me "fucking live with it". A few days before I moved out we had our worst fight and he told me he would never forgive me for making it harder for him to move on. He said my desperation to cling to mom, my refusal to fully embrace the new family, and my unwillingness to move forward like he wanted was unforgivable in his eyes. He told me he felt like everyone would have been better off if I wasn't there. I actually agree that they are. I visited for Christmas and it was clear there was a lot of sadness and tension. I didn't even stay with them. I stayed with my grandma for the two weeks I was home. But my presence was enough to bring out the unhappy in them. I know it was in part because being away didn't change my feelings and I wasn't calling dad's wife my mom or anything when I came back. And while I missed my siblings they were the only people I actually missed and I suspect that was felt on some level. It made me realize I couldn't do that more. Dad told me I should be staying for the summer and we should be focusing on our family bonds. That I will break my stepsiblings hearts and make them blame themselves and my siblings will feel like I stopped caring about them. That they still don't forgive me but they miss me anyway. He told me I need to try and become a full part of the family and quit with the childish nonsense. I don't think it's childish but I know my dad and probably his wife disagree. AITA? submitted by /u/MinuteSwell900 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Commercial-Tone-620 Originally posted to r/AITAH AITAH for leaving my bumble date “stranded” at a restaurant after she admitted she was going to her guy best friend’s place after the date Original Post: December 7, 2024 A couple of months ago, I matched with Ana on Bumble. I thought we vibed really well, she had a really nice and funny demeanour and we had lots of engaging conversations on FaceTime. We set up our first dinner date last week. I proposed a really nice restaurant which was sort of far from where we lived, but I really wanted to treat Ana because I thought she was special. Ana asked if I could pick her up and then after the date drop her off at her best friend’s place. I didn’t mind it all. Ana said she had movie night with her best friend. I picked Ana up and we went to the restaurant. The date went better than expected, we vibed really well. Ana also had drinks since I was the designated driver. However, right at the end of the date, Ana asked if I would drop her off at Josh’s. I was initially confused and then realised Josh was her guy best friend. Ana instantly realised what she said and it sort of became awkward. Ana apologised and I told Ana there was no reason to apologise. I was just curious about who Josh was so I asked Ana, and Ana said he was her guy best friend, and they occasionally have movie nights. Ana said she wanted to be honest with me because she really liked me and saw a future with me, and she admitted they sometimes make out during these movie nights but it doesn’t go further than that. I appreciated Ana’s honesty, but this whole thing felt like a huge gut punch. I was maybe in my feelings but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I told Ana to just ask Josh to pick her up, and I paid for my portion of the dinner and left. Ana looked really sad when I ended the date and left. I felt sort of guilty about it later and called my sister to ask her if I what I had done was right. My sister said I shouldn’t have left Ana stranded at the restaurant, especially after Ana was really sweet and honest with me. I told my sister how I could be expected to take Ana for a really fancy dinner, and then drop off her at her guy best friend’s house, where she would then make out with him. I had enough self respect left not to do that. Was I the AH? AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions Top Comments Commenter 1: NTA, she asked you to drop her off at a some guy’s place and that normally they make out. Who says that on a date?? And who even does that.. Commenter 2: Nothing like taking a girl on a date, she tells you the date was great she likes you. You start to feel like you got lucky on a dating app, then she asks you to drop her off at her friends with benefits guy. NT   Update: December 8, 2024 Hey everyone, just a quick update. I appreciate all the comments and the different opinions on my previous post, however at the end of the day, the reason I posted it was because I felt guilty about what I did, and I agreed more with the comments stating what I did was wrong. Also my sister has never once given me bad advice in life, and I think her assessment was right this time too. Since I left Ana at the restaurant last week, she texted me a couple of times, but I just ignored those messages. I opened the messages a couple hours ago, and I was sort of surprised. Instead of lashing out at me, she just apologised again and said she was willing to stop seeing Josh if it meant we could continue our relationship. She said after the dinner, she just took an Uber back home and didn’t go to Josh’s. I texted Ana that there was no reason to apologise and I shouldn’t have left her stranded at the restaurant and I should have also paid for her meal, since I was the one who invited her to the expensive restaurant. I asked Ana for her Venmo but Ana said she didn’t care about the money and asked if we could continue our relationship. However, I didn’t have the same feelings for Ana anymore so just I texted Ana upfront that I don’t think we’re compatible, and I don’t want to continue this. We chatted a bit more, and Ana was very respectful of my decision, but admitted she was sad. I too admitted it was tough, but it’s best for everyone that this doesn’t continue further. That was the final text and I definitely think there are valuable lessons learnt from this entire thing. Thank you all for your input. Top Comments Commenter 1: I actually think this is fairly reasonable. It's nice that you both recognized your own mistakes in what happened and that (at least from what it sounds like) you were both respectful. That being said, I agree that this relationship probably isn't a great idea to keep going - I wish you all the best out there! Commenter 2: I wonder what next steps look like for Ana. This arrangement with Josh will likely torpedo any future relationship chances if she doesn’t immediately bring it up and ensure her date is okay with it. Anyway, good on you.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/polly_throwaway3 Originally posted to r/relationship_advice I 37 M told my wife 36F that our roles are far from equal in our relationship and that I'm not missing seeing my brother so she can go on a 2 week vacation with her friends. how do I get through to her? been together for 17 years. Trigger Warnings: PPD, spousal and child neglect, emotional abuse, financial exploitation, possible infidelity Previous BORU Original Post: June 14, 2024 TLDR at bottom. Hi, I’ll try to keep this short. Both in our 30’s and have been together 17 years. I Male 30’s am the sole provider for my family of 6. (Partner and 4 kids. 2 high energy dogs.) I work five days a week and sometimes work on weekends if we need a little more cash. My partner is a SAHM and hasn’t worked since our eldest was born. (By her own choice) I wake up at 5am and take the dogs out. Prepare kids lunches/snacks, ensure all school essentials such as bags etc are at front door then head to work in a physically demanding job. Kids are picked up for day care / school at 7.. due to after school activities and clubs etc they’re not home until 6. I come home at 7 and make dinner most nights. Help with homework, do Beth time for the little ones, do dishes, take dogs out for longer walk again, put little ones in bed if the house is a mess, I will of course clean it. I pay for everything, mortgage, bills, insurance , groceries, clothes, toys, technology, after school activities, dates, a woman to deep clean the house once a month. My partner wants to go on a two week long vacation with her friends which will overlap with the weekend away I had planned with my brother who I rarely get to see as we live so far away. She wants me to cancel my trip as “she’s tired and needs a break.” We got into an argument over it in which unkind things were said on both sides but I am unwilling to budge on this. How do I get through to her that I need some rest? TLDR. I pay for everything, do housework, child care etc while wife is a SAHM. She wants to go on a 2 week long vacation with her friends which means I won’t be able to go on weekend trip with my brother which was planned well in advance. We argued in which she told me I need to help out more and I basically said what’s in the title. How do I get through to her? Edit / additional info: Hello all, sorry I haven’t replied to many comments, but I have read most of them. I’ve seen a couple questions I’d like to answer and figured that making a post would be better then replying to individual comments. My children are between 16. And 6. My wife doesn’t take anyone to their clubs / activities. Younger children’s school finishes at 3pm. Their clubs are in the school. Older kids school finishes at 3.30. They stay in a club until 4.30 and then go to a youth group with their cousins until they come home. My eldest make their way to and from school on their own while my youngest are picked up and dropped off. Kids are of course able to eat breakfast at home, but often enjoy eating with their friends before school starts at 8. My wife doesn’t walk the dogs because she doesn’t like to, and frankly, they don’t like her. I enjoy my time walking the dogs because it allows me some time to think. We have a large yard with dog houses, toys and some agility equipment for them to use while I’m gone. They also get mental stimulation through kongs and puzzle toys which have been prepared and stored in the freezer What does my wife do all day? Honestly; she’s not isolated. She often tells me of things she’s done with her friends, sister, mother etc. she goes to the gym, does and enjoys hobbies such as embroidery, knitting and some jewlerry design. She changes what she likes to do, says it keeps things fresh. House work wise she does the laundry, (I fold and distribute later) she will give dogs water and prepared meals / enrichment. We have those robot vacuums and air purifiers to deal with the dog hair but my wife will vacuum if heeded. I wipe countertops, put dishes in dish washer after meals. Older kids take care of their own rooms / bathrooms for an allowance. Have you ever not truly noticed something until it’s right in front of your face? I was so mad because I wanted to go see my brother and she wanted to go on vacation with her friends (yes, she wants me to pay for it) and things have been like this for so long that I didn’t see how unfair and imbalanced things were until I truly started to look at how our duties were distributed. You’ve all given me a lot to think about. I’ll answer some comments later   Update: July 2, 2024 Update: i 37 M told my wife 36F that our roles are far from equal in our relationship and that I'm not missing seeing my brother so she can go on a 2 week vacation with her friends. how do I get through to her? been together for 17 years. here is the update, it’s not good, it’s not totally bad either because apparently I’ve sprouted a backbone. A lot has happened and I feel like my world is falling apart. This will be long. The following few paragraphs are some more background. The update will be marked with —- UPDATE.—- so you guys can find it faster. TLDR at bottom. Some of you have suggested that I enable her behaviour and I’d like to address it, to explain how things got this way to begin with. My wife worked from age 16 to 20, but I’d often come home after work during the early stages of her pregnancy and she would tell me of how bad the morning sickness had been and how she was getting in trouble at work for being late or not turning up due to the issues she was having, one night, after a long discussion about things, she suggested that it would be easier; and better for her and the baby if she stayed home during the pregnancy. I was reluctant at first because we weren’t exactly swimming in cash, but ultimately the health of my wife and child were more important than a few months of added stress. To save money, we moved in with my wife’s older sister and her husband. (We split rent and utilities, but were still saving some money.) The pregnancy wasn’t easy on her, she was often cranky and uncomfortable and as a result could be quite mean, rude and a bit handsy. So after further discussions with my wife and her sisters, I took on more of the house hold duties such as cooking etc. When my eldest was born, my wife’s sister helped with child care while I was at work for the first year, but after she and my wife had a fight when he was about a year old, We moved into our own place: but my wife struggled during the day when I wasn’t there to help so we ultimately decided to put him in another daycare facility. I would drop him off on my way to work and would pick him up on my way back home when I finished. Once home, one of us would cook dinner while the other watched the baby. Back then we had no pets, so household duties weren’t too much and could be handled by a couple hours cleaning on Saturday or Sunday when we could split it between us both. When my son was 3. My wife’s sister offered to get her a job where she worked. My wife had to do an interview, but my SIL was confident she’d get the position. My wife was reluctant and nervous (about returning to work, but attended the interview and was offered the job. I don’t remember much of our celebrations that night, but it ended in the conception of our second child. My wife told me when she’d been at her new job for just over a month . She stuck it out for a couple more weeks, but was fired due to not turning up for shifts. I asked one of her doctors about the issues she was having so early in the pregnancy, back pain, leg pain, nausea etc but my wife cut me off before I could finish and asked me to leave the room. When we Got home; she berated me for speaking to her doctor like she was a child and told me that if she wants something brought up to her doctor regarding her pregnancy, that she‘d do it herself. I had embarrassed her because she knew her body, and knew what was normal and what wasn’t. I still thought the issues had to be addressed with her doctor, but whenever I brought it up her mood swings would get worse. My MiL came to live with us when my second was born for a short while when I returned to work after my paternity leave. When my daughter was about 4 months old my wife expressed she was having difficulty looking after her by herself during the day but my Mil, who had her own life and responsibilities couldn’t come back and stay indefinitely. We had a 2. Bedroom apartment then and having her sleep on the couch didn’t seem fair to me. So we enrolled my daughter in day care while my son was at nursery. My son went to day care after nursery as well, so I’d pick them both up around 6pm and head home. My wife promised she would speak to her doctor about the possibility of depression etc and her mood did improve with the additional help with the children. My wife took on cooking and cleaning duties then, but struggled as well. I would often come home to burned / ruined food, and would need to make something else anyway. So I ended up cooking dinner most nights so we wouldn’t be wasting food. During a weekend away for a friends wedding, When my daughter was five, I suggested that my wife go back to work. Both kids were in school now, and I thought we could improve our lifestyle with two incomes. We had recently bought a house because the apartment was too small for us and the children needed their own rooms. She seemed hesitant which I understood after being out of work for so long, but she agreed . She applied for several positions but had no luck with interviews or call backs, we found out she was pregnant with our third not long after that and returning to work was put on hold again. The pregnancy was difficult as expected but again my Mil came to stay when I had to return to work. She stayed for a while but had to return to her own home eventually. Before she left, my wife told me that she feared she would struggle with our second daughter just as she had the first too. I tried to reassure her, but she seemed to become insanely depressed the second her mother left. I would return home with the 8 and 5 year old to a screaming baby and nothing done around the house. Her mood and actions effected the entire house; so reluctantly I put her second daughter in day care as well, but I told my wife she had to talk to her doctor, and that we’d no longer be having anymore children. She was and, and we had a huge fight about it. But I got a vasectomy and she accepted it. We’ve always used protection, my wife is on birth control and I always use condoms, but given that it had already failed twice for us, (when my first was conceived after my 21st I was so drunk I don’t think I wore one, our second after celebrating her new job, and our third at our friends wedding) I didn’t want it to happen again. But obviously, the universe had other plans for us and our third daughter was born two years after our second when we were celebrating a promotion I’d gotten at work. Obviously, this is a brief summary of events and there have been several other moments through the years when I’ve suggested she go back to work, but I thought I’d try to provide further background for those who’re curious about how we got to where we are. Someone asked if my wife has had a break recently. She has never taken two weeks away before, but she goes away a couple of times every year for weekend trips with family and friends. The longest she has been gone is a week. In regards to the dogs and why they don’t like her, she doesn’t like them. She thinks the mental stimulation I provide through kong toys, games, puzzles etc is unnecessary but freaks out if their energy levels are too high. One is a German Shepard which I was gifted for my birthday and the other is a German Shepard Malinois mix my wife brought home because she thought our GSD needed a friend. Yes they have been to training and were originally in doggy day care for the first couple years. Onto the update suppose. ——- UPDATE —— So, as one of you suggested, I took a day off of work. I genuinely wasn’t feeling to good either, but I intended to speak to my wife about the situation nqwhile the children were at school. Kids all left for school by 7 ish, my wife came down stairs at 11.45 and seemed very shocked to see me. She asked what I was doing at home and I explained I took a sick day as I wasn’t feeling well. The first words out of her mouth were “but we need the money, you don’t look that bad.” I made a face, and she quickly asked what was wrong and asked if she could get me anything. I asked for a water and we sat on the couch, but soon her phone rang, and she went off into the kitchen to talk. She came back a while later and asked if I wanted to get something to eat, and I said we could make something from the kitchen. She said she wanted to go out and I said we could order take out, but I wasn’t in the mood to go out. The dogs had been sitting by the chest freezer waiting the pantry for their lunch time enrichment for ten minutes now, and I asked if she was going to feed them. She flopped onto the couch and asked me to get it. I said no, she asked again, and I said no, again. She glared at me, but eventually got up and gave it to them. She asked me to take her out again several times, and I kept saying no. I was starting to get a migraine, which I told her, but she kept asking, suggesting we could go shopping, she could get her nails done and we could enjoy the day together. I refused, said we had something to talk about and she said we would then went upstairs. She came back down 40 minutes later dressed up and said if I wasn’t going to take her out, she’d go herself. I tried to get her to sit down so we could talk, but she blew me a kiss at the door and rushed outside without even locking it. While she was out, I took some of your advice and cancelled the cleaning lady we have. I apologised to her, as I really did like her but she was very understanding and I think we parted on good terms. She returned home at 8pm and immediately asked where dinner was. I told her the kids and I had already ate. She asked where her dinner was and I told her she’d have to make something for herself. She said she’d just order something, and I told her no. This gave her pause and she looked at me like I’d just told her she had to starve. She said she couldn’t cook, and o told her I know she’s perfectly capable of making something. We have plenty of foods, it’s not like she has to be Gordon Ramsey to stick a tin of soup or something on the stove. She left again; and returned 30 minutes later with McDonald’s for herself which set the younger kids off. Yes, they’d already ate but she walked in the door finishing her burger and drink with an empty bag and McFlurry tub. Our youngest asked why she didn’t bring her any ice cream and my wife said “daddy said I wasn’t allowed to.” I did not say this, and I swear it took more strength than I’d like to admit not to yell at her in front of our daughter. When the kids were in bed, I asked her to sit and talk about the situation regarding our trips. She asked if I’d rescheduled with my brother and I firmly told her no, and that I wouldn’t be. I tried to have a conversation, I explained I felt our duties were incredibly uneven and that I’d like for her to take on more responsibilities with the children and the house. She argued that she does enough and I asked her to make a list. She put laundry down, feeding the dogs, making doctors appointments and grocery shoppingz And I brought out my own list with everything I’ve told you guys so far and added that I created the dogs meals, she simply has to give it to them, I fold and distribute laundry, take kids to doctors appointments and that the groceries are ordered through an app on her phone, delivered to the house and I put them away. She got up then, I asked what she was doing and she said she was going upstairs. I didn’t argue, I didn’t want it to resolve to an argument and wake the kids up. She was visibly shaking with anger. A while later I went upstairs as well. She was on the phone to someone and when I entered the room she demanded I leave and go sleep on the couch, I refused and climbed into bed: she hung up the phone and demanded again that I sleep on the couch and again, I refused. She grabbed me and physically tried to drag me out. That resulted in a fight and I ended up sleeping on the couch because she was going to wake the kids up again. The following days were much of the same. I have stopped folding and putting away her laundry, I do it for myself and the younger kids and my two oldest take their piles and put them away themselves. I still cook for the kids, but have told my wife that she has to make her own meals. Petty, I know. I think my eldest heard us arguing because he asked if he could take the dogs out for a couple walks with his friend during the week. He hazes, and he says he’s enjoying it but I think he and my wife had an argument the other day because he’s been very distance with her and things just feel.. off. He’s asked me about three times if I love him, or course I’ve told him there is nothing he could ever do to make me not. Yes I’ve tried to talk him about it, but he doesn’t want to talk yet and I need to respect that. I think pushing him could be a mistake. Thursday night my wife asked if we could have a drink as I had to leave on Friday to see my brother. I had ones but honestly it went right to my head and honestly just wanted to sleep: she kept trying to initiate sex, but I wasn’t in the mood. I woke up Friday morning and my wife was gone; so was her suitcase. I’ve texted and called but there’s been no answer other than a text telling me we’d talk about it when she’s back. She ignored me and went on her trip regardless and I am furious. I have left her some cash in the bank account she has the card too, but have removed everything else into another account. I had to call my brother why I wouldn’t be coming to see him, and he arrived here on Saturday with my nephew and two nieces. The house is very full, but honestly it feels more open than it has in a long long time. The kids seem relaxed and so do the dogs. I don’t know what will happen with my wife, but I am done. I can’t afford a lawyer right now and unfortunately I don’t know any who could give me a deal or do me a favour, but this marriage is over. It should’ve been a long time ago TLDR: wife and I talked, had an argument, she went on trip regardless and my brother is here with his family. This sub only allows one update, so if I post anything further it will be on my own profile. Relevant Comments OOP on if his wife might have undiagnosed health problems including PPD OOP: I spoke to her doctor about the issues she was having because she would not. He asked her what was happening, how she was and she would say the pregnancy was fine, she was having no issues yet at home all I got was how hard things where, how ill she felt, how sore she was. Screaming, yelling at me. I went into the bed because I am 6.5 and work a physically and mentally demanding job, it is not good for my body to sleep on a two seater couch. I wanted to sleep as I had work in the morning, she escalated and got physical, not me. She made the argument worse, not me. Undiagnosed PPD? She has been to her doctor who had diagnosed her with nothing, she told me so herself, and as for me knocking her up? It takes two people to create a child. We do not live in America and my wife is pro choice, if she wanted to terminate; she has the ability to do so. I told her after our second was born that I didn’t think having more kids was a good idea, and she insisted, I said the same thing after our third and after my vasectomy and she lost her mind. “Let her go on vacation and feel like herself for the first time in forever.” Did she not feel like herself when she went on multiple weekends away last year with her friends? Does she not feel like herself when she’s hanging with the girls for lunch dates through the month? Do you know the last time I saw my brother in person? Before the pandemic. He is here so support me, if you want my wife to go on vacation so I can’t, then it’s perfectly reasonable that my brother can come to the home I pay for when I need him. Are you my wife?   Update (in comments): July 2, 2024 (same day, 6 hours later) Slight... update? I'm not going to add this to the post as it's already long enough. please excuse any spelling mistakes as I'm so tired. thank you all, but I'm not in America. I know a lot of you have suggested I message her telling her I'm going to divorce her etc, but I think I'm gong to play it cool, act like I've accepted her decision so she's not on guard. I know she's said something to my son, but he won't tell me what it is and I feel like if I push him to he might not ever, but my nephew and him are hanging out a lot,. they're close despite not seeing each other much so I'm hoping he might confide in him and maybe open up. I'm not just letting this go, we will talk but I don't want to pus him too much. I am not a lightweight, I can drink, but I have been exhausted and I mean very exhausted for some time now and I think that maybe that's why I passed out after having one drink, but I would be lying to myself and to you if I said I wasn't suspicious. I am suspicious of a lot now. I swear, I'm not an idiot, but I really feel like one now. some of you have suggested that I get the kids DNA tested, especially my youngest and while I know that this is likely something I'll have to do, it breaks my heart to think that they're not mine. my girls all look the same, just older versions of each other, so if I have to DNA test the youngest, I have to do them all. I never wanted kids, this is why I've always used condoms. I'm not the biggest fan of them, but I love my own, I love these kids. regardless of the DNA test. they are mine, but I fear if it comes back that they're not It could damage our relationship. my brother has read my posts and spent the last days telling me everything he hates about my wife (obviously not in front of the kids) he's pretty funny and I feel like I haven't been able to laugh like this in a long time. he says he's going to make a reddit account, lord knows what he'll say. writing this update has opened my eyes further, I see how the timing of wanting her to go back to work liens up with each pregnancy, but when these things are years apart, and your concentrating on supporting the family and work your brain sometimes pushes these thoughts away until something triggers them again and boom, you're slapped in the face with the realisation that you're entire relationship is potentially built on a mountain of lies. she has her phone and iPad with her, so I can't check any of that. but I'm going to be going through her stuff, is it in envision of privacy? likely, do I care right now? no. I feel like I've wasted the majority of my life, the good years and that feels horrible to say when I have four kids. I promise I don't mean that they're a waste. as I said in the post, this marriage is over, I am done. my kids deserve better but I won't be alone when I confront her, as I said she can get handsy and no, I have never retaliated and I don't want to be put into a position where I need to. I thank you all for your comments, your insight, your kindness. I know I haven't replied to many comments at all, but don't really have time to do so when there are so many but I am trying to respond etc DM's as that seems like the easier thing to do. I want to ask my SIL what actually happened with my wife and that job. but I don't want her to know I'm suspicious. my Sil is a kind woman but she is my wife's sister so her loyalties lay with her I suppose and I don't want to alert my soon to be ex. does anyone have any ideas how I can do this? seems odd to bring up a job my wife had for a very brief time years ago. I wish you all the best. Relevant Comments OOP on the accusations for not respecting his wife’s needs and wants OOP: How do I not respect her needs / wants? I pay for everything and do the majority of the child / Pet care and house work. I have not gone on vacation in years because I was providing for my family. I have gave her everything she’s wanted for the past 17 years and she couldn’t give me a weekend with my brother. Why couldn’t we both go on vacation? Because I don’t randomly have the money to fund 2 weeks away for her. I can’t just up and leave my 16 year old to look after 3 younger kids and two high energy dogs, I couldn’t take them with me because that would mean multiple plane tickets and accommodations, food etc for them as well as dog sitting / boarding for the dogs.   🔴 🔴 🔴 New Update 🔴 🔴 🔴   Update 2: August 21, 2024 Hello all, I’m sorry it’s taken so long to update. Things are not good. While this update will be small, I will try to do a longer one when things are a little better. yes we are seperated and will be getting a divorce, my FIL has graciously offered to help. It’s taken me so long to update because as most of you already knew some of the children aren’t mine. My eldest, my son is mine, my three daughters are not, I found out not long after my first update, and while I thought I could handle the news clearly my body couldn’t and I had a heart attack. Thankfully my brother was with me and called an ambulance. I am recovering but Jesus Christ it scared the shite out of me and my family. As some of you may remember, when my ex left for vacation, I took the majority of the money out of the account she used but left some as I didn’t want to leave her stranded. That money about 500 or so was gone in a few days. She used her own money, that she’s been making from Onlyfans to fund her trip. Yes, I’m serious. She has an only fans account. My son had offered to take the dogs out for me during his lunch / free class time and walked in on his mother making ‘content.’ In the living room. She told him that I wasn’t making enough money for the family to survive and that she had to do the only fans to help support us. She told him I was ashamed and embarrassed and that I would be very unhappy and hurt if he mentioned it. She told him that doing so could ruin our marriage and could lead us to divorce. My in laws know everything, as my brother had to call them to help watch my kids while I was in the hospital. My FIL is furious and my MIL is just devastated. She keeps apologising to me, like she’s the one who betrayed me. My ex moved out, she tried to make me leave so she could stay in the house with the kids, but after a conversation with her father she's renting a place. My eldest daughter and my son knows the girls aren't mine, my ex told them after they said they didn’t want to go live with her at her new place. My Mil was with them at the time and acording to my daughter, began screaming at my wife for her behaviour. my youngest two don't know yet. but they will. this isn't someting i can keep from them forever, they allready know that something is up. i've cut my hours back at work and have been able to work from home. It’s obviously a desk job for now, but I am thankful to my boss for working with me on this. i came home to find out that my Mil and one of my Sil's had cleared out my wifes hobby space and made it an office / den for me. i am very grateful for their support during this. i know it can;'t be easy to take the side of your daughter / sisters ex partner during a break up, but i appreciate them. while things aren't great by any stretch of the imagination, i feel.. strange, thigns seem calmer without my ex in the house. there seems to be more laughter about the place, even the dogs appear more at ease. but i am so, so angry. which obviosuly isn't good for my heart, but i've waitsted a huge chunk of my life raising kids that aren't mine in a marriage that was fucked from the begiing. now please, don't take what i said as me saying i regret my girls, i don't at all. they are smart, beautiful, cheeky little weridos i love with all of my heart, but the betrayal stings. the fact that i've been working my ass off for years and she's been making thousands on onlyfans and been keeping it to herself stings. i am ashamed, humilated, embarressed, angry, relived, it's a mess of emtoins in my head. but i know i'll get through it. hopefully, i need to for my kids and dogs. if you have any questions, i'll try to answer in the comments.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/BuryMeInPitaChips to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/polly_throwaway3 Originally posted to r/relationship_advice I 37 M told my wife 36F that our roles are far from equal in our relationship and that I'm not missing seeing my brother so she can go on a 2 week vacation with her friends. how do I get through to her? been together for 17 years. Trigger Warnings: PPD, spousal and child neglect, emotional abuse, financial exploitation, possible infidelity Original Post: Jume 14, 2024 TLDR at bottom. Hi, I’ll try to keep this short. Both in our 30’s and have been together 17 years. I Male 30’s am the sole provider for my family of 6. (Partner and 4 kids. 2 high energy dogs.) I work five days a week and sometimes work on weekends if we need a little more cash. My partner is a SAHM and hasn’t worked since our eldest was born. (By her own choice) I wake up at 5am and take the dogs out. Prepare kids lunches/snacks, ensure all school essentials such as bags etc are at front door then head to work in a physically demanding job. Kids are picked up for day care / school at 7.. due to after school activities and clubs etc they’re not home until 6. I come home at 7 and make dinner most nights. Help with homework, do Beth time for the little ones, do dishes, take dogs out for longer walk again, put little ones in bed if the house is a mess, I will of course clean it. I pay for everything, mortgage, bills, insurance , groceries, clothes, toys, technology, after school activities, dates, a woman to deep clean the house once a month. My partner wants to go on a two week long vacation with her friends which will overlap with the weekend away I had planned with my brother who I rarely get to see as we live so far away. She wants me to cancel my trip as “she’s tired and needs a break.” We got into an argument over it in which unkind things were said on both sides but I am unwilling to budge on this. How do I get through to her that I need some rest? TLDR. I pay for everything, do housework, child care etc while wife is a SAHM. She wants to go on a 2 week long vacation with her friends which means I won’t be able to go on weekend trip with my brother which was planned well in advance. We argued in which she told me I need to help out more and I basically said what’s in the title. How do I get through to her? Edit / additional info: Hello all, sorry I haven’t replied to many comments, but I have read most of them. I’ve seen a couple questions I’d like to answer and figured that making a post would be better then replying to individual comments. My children are between 16. And 6. My wife doesn’t take anyone to their clubs / activities. Younger children’s school finishes at 3pm. Their clubs are in the school. Older kids school finishes at 3.30. They stay in a club until 4.30 and then go to a youth group with their cousins until they come home. My eldest make their way to and from school on their own while my youngest are picked up and dropped off. Kids are of course able to eat breakfast at home, but often enjoy eating with their friends before school starts at 8. My wife doesn’t walk the dogs because she doesn’t like to, and frankly, they don’t like her. I enjoy my time walking the dogs because it allows me some time to think. We have a large yard with dog houses, toys and some agility equipment for them to use while I’m gone. They also get mental stimulation through kongs and puzzle toys which have been prepared and stored in the freezer What does my wife do all day? Honestly; she’s not isolated. She often tells me of things she’s done with her friends, sister, mother etc. she goes to the gym, does and enjoys hobbies such as embroidery, knitting and some jewlerry design. She changes what she likes to do, says it keeps things fresh. House work wise she does the laundry, (I fold and distribute later) she will give dogs water and prepared meals / enrichment. We have those robot vacuums and air purifiers to deal with the dog hair but my wife will vacuum if heeded. I wipe countertops, put dishes in dish washer after meals. Older kids take care of their own rooms / bathrooms for an allowance. Have you ever not truly noticed something until it’s right in front of your face? I was so mad because I wanted to go see my brother and she wanted to go on vacation with her friends (yes, she wants me to pay for it) and things have been like this for so long that I didn’t see how unfair and imbalanced things were until I truly started to look at how our duties were distributed. You’ve all given me a lot to think about. I’ll answer some comments later   Update: July 2, 2024 Update: i 37 M told my wife 36F that our roles are far from equal in our relationship and that I'm not missing seeing my brother so she can go on a 2 week vacation with her friends. how do I get through to her? been together for 17 years. here is the update, it’s not good, it’s not totally bad either because apparently I’ve sprouted a backbone. A lot has happened and I feel like my world is falling apart. This will be long. The following few paragraphs are some more background. The update will be marked with —- UPDATE.—- so you guys can find it faster. TLDR at bottom. Some of you have suggested that I enable her behaviour and I’d like to address it, to explain how things got this way to begin with. My wife worked from age 16 to 20, but I’d often come home after work during the early stages of her pregnancy and she would tell me of how bad the morning sickness had been and how she was getting in trouble at work for being late or not turning up due to the issues she was having, one night, after a long discussion about things, she suggested that it would be easier; and better for her and the baby if she stayed home during the pregnancy. I was reluctant at first because we weren’t exactly swimming in cash, but ultimately the health of my wife and child were more important than a few months of added stress. To save money, we moved in with my wife’s older sister and her husband. (We split rent and utilities, but were still saving some money.) The pregnancy wasn’t easy on her, she was often cranky and uncomfortable and as a result could be quite mean, rude and a bit handsy. So after further discussions with my wife and her sisters, I took on more of the house hold duties such as cooking etc. When my eldest was born, my wife’s sister helped with child care while I was at work for the first year, but after she and my wife had a fight when he was about a year old, We moved into our own place: but my wife struggled during the day when I wasn’t there to help so we ultimately decided to put him in another daycare facility. I would drop him off on my way to work and would pick him up on my way back home when I finished. Once home, one of us would cook dinner while the other watched the baby. Back then we had no pets, so household duties weren’t too much and could be handled by a couple hours cleaning on Saturday or Sunday when we could split it between us both. When my son was 3. My wife’s sister offered to get her a job where she worked. My wife had to do an interview, but my SIL was confident she’d get the position. My wife was reluctant and nervous (about returning to work, but attended the interview and was offered the job. I don’t remember much of our celebrations that night, but it ended in the conception of our second child. My wife told me when she’d been at her new job for just over a month . She stuck it out for a couple more weeks, but was fired due to not turning up for shifts. I asked one of her doctors about the issues she was having so early in the pregnancy, back pain, leg pain, nausea etc but my wife cut me off before I could finish and asked me to leave the room. When we Got home; she berated me for speaking to her doctor like she was a child and told me that if she wants something brought up to her doctor regarding her pregnancy, that she‘d do it herself. I had embarrassed her because she knew her body, and knew what was normal and what wasn’t. I still thought the issues had to be addressed with her doctor, but whenever I brought it up her mood swings would get worse. My MiL came to live with us when my second was born for a short while when I returned to work after my paternity leave. When my daughter was about 4 months old my wife expressed she was having difficulty looking after her by herself during the day but my Mil, who had her own life and responsibilities couldn’t come back and stay indefinitely. We had a 2. Bedroom apartment then and having her sleep on the couch didn’t seem fair to me. So we enrolled my daughter in day care while my son was at nursery. My son went to day care after nursery as well, so I’d pick them both up around 6pm and head home. My wife promised she would speak to her doctor about the possibility of depression etc and her mood did improve with the additional help with the children. My wife took on cooking and cleaning duties then, but struggled as well. I would often come home to burned / ruined food, and would need to make something else anyway. So I ended up cooking dinner most nights so we wouldn’t be wasting food. During a weekend away for a friends wedding, When my daughter was five, I suggested that my wife go back to work. Both kids were in school now, and I thought we could improve our lifestyle with two incomes. We had recently bought a house because the apartment was too small for us and the children needed their own rooms. She seemed hesitant which I understood after being out of work for so long, but she agreed . She applied for several positions but had no luck with interviews or call backs, we found out she was pregnant with our third not long after that and returning to work was put on hold again. The pregnancy was difficult as expected but again my Mil came to stay when I had to return to work. She stayed for a while but had to return to her own home eventually. Before she left, my wife told me that she feared she would struggle with our second daughter just as she had the first too. I tried to reassure her, but she seemed to become insanely depressed the second her mother left. I would return home with the 8 and 5 year old to a screaming baby and nothing done around the house. Her mood and actions effected the entire house; so reluctantly I put her second daughter in day care as well, but I told my wife she had to talk to her doctor, and that we’d no longer be having anymore children. She was and, and we had a huge fight about it. But I got a vasectomy and she accepted it. We’ve always used protection, my wife is on birth control and I always use condoms, but given that it had already failed twice for us, (when my first was conceived after my 21st I was so drunk I don’t think I wore one, our second after celebrating her new job, and our third at our friends wedding) I didn’t want it to happen again. But obviously, the universe had other plans for us and our third daughter was born two years after our second when we were celebrating a promotion I’d gotten at work. Obviously, this is a brief summary of events and there have been several other moments through the years when I’ve suggested she go back to work, but I thought I’d try to provide further background for those who’re curious about how we got to where we are. Someone asked if my wife has had a break recently. She has never taken two weeks away before, but she goes away a couple of times every year for weekend trips with family and friends. The longest she has been gone is a week. In regards to the dogs and why they don’t like her, she doesn’t like them. She thinks the mental stimulation I provide through kong toys, games, puzzles etc is unnecessary but freaks out if their energy levels are too high. One is a German Shepard which I was gifted for my birthday and the other is a German Shepard Malinois mix my wife brought home because she thought our GSD needed a friend. Yes they have been to training and were originally in doggy day care for the first couple years. Onto the update suppose. ——- UPDATE —— So, as one of you suggested, I took a day off of work. I genuinely wasn’t feeling to good either, but I intended to speak to my wife about the situation nqwhile the children were at school. Kids all left for school by 7 ish, my wife came down stairs at 11.45 and seemed very shocked to see me. She asked what I was doing at home and I explained I took a sick day as I wasn’t feeling well. The first words out of her mouth were “but we need the money, you don’t look that bad.” I made a face, and she quickly asked what was wrong and asked if she could get me anything. I asked for a water and we sat on the couch, but soon her phone rang, and she went off into the kitchen to talk. She came back a while later and asked if I wanted to get something to eat, and I said we could make something from the kitchen. She said she wanted to go out and I said we could order take out, but I wasn’t in the mood to go out. The dogs had been sitting by the chest freezer waiting the pantry for their lunch time enrichment for ten minutes now, and I asked if she was going to feed them. She flopped onto the couch and asked me to get it. I said no, she asked again, and I said no, again. She glared at me, but eventually got up and gave it to them. She asked me to take her out again several times, and I kept saying no. I was starting to get a migraine, which I told her, but she kept asking, suggesting we could go shopping, she could get her nails done and we could enjoy the day together. I refused, said we had something to talk about and she said we would then went upstairs. She came back down 40 minutes later dressed up and said if I wasn’t going to take her out, she’d go herself. I tried to get her to sit down so we could talk, but she blew me a kiss at the door and rushed outside without even locking it. While she was out, I took some of your advice and cancelled the cleaning lady we have. I apologised to her, as I really did like her but she was very understanding and I think we parted on good terms. She returned home at 8pm and immediately asked where dinner was. I told her the kids and I had already ate. She asked where her dinner was and I told her she’d have to make something for herself. She said she’d just order something, and I told her no. This gave her pause and she looked at me like I’d just told her she had to starve. She said she couldn’t cook, and o told her I know she’s perfectly capable of making something. We have plenty of foods, it’s not like she has to be Gordon Ramsey to stick a tin of soup or something on the stove. She left again; and returned 30 minutes later with McDonald’s for herself which set the younger kids off. Yes, they’d already ate but she walked in the door finishing her burger and drink with an empty bag and McFlurry tub. Our youngest asked why she didn’t bring her any ice cream and my wife said “daddy said I wasn’t allowed to.” I did not say this, and I swear it took more strength than I’d like to admit not to yell at her in front of our daughter. When the kids were in bed, I asked her to sit and talk about the situation regarding our trips. She asked if I’d rescheduled with my brother and I firmly told her no, and that I wouldn’t be. I tried to have a conversation, I explained I felt our duties were incredibly uneven and that I’d like for her to take on more responsibilities with the children and the house. She argued that she does enough and I asked her to make a list. She put laundry down, feeding the dogs, making doctors appointments and grocery shoppingz And I brought out my own list with everything I’ve told you guys so far and added that I created the dogs meals, she simply has to give it to them, I fold and distribute laundry, take kids to doctors appointments and that the groceries are ordered through an app on her phone, delivered to the house and I put them away. She got up then, I asked what she was doing and she said she was going upstairs. I didn’t argue, I didn’t want it to resolve to an argument and wake the kids up. She was visibly shaking with anger. A while later I went upstairs as well. She was on the phone to someone and when I entered the room she demanded I leave and go sleep on the couch, I refused and climbed into bed: she hung up the phone and demanded again that I sleep on the couch and again, I refused. She grabbed me and physically tried to drag me out. That resulted in a fight and I ended up sleeping on the couch because she was going to wake the kids up again. The following days were much of the same. I have stopped folding and putting away her laundry, I do it for myself and the younger kids and my two oldest take their piles and put them away themselves. I still cook for the kids, but have told my wife that she has to make her own meals. Petty, I know. I think my eldest heard us arguing because he asked if he could take the dogs out for a couple walks with his friend during the week. He hazes, and he says he’s enjoying it but I think he and my wife had an argument the other day because he’s been very distance with her and things just feel.. off. He’s asked me about three times if I love him, or course I’ve told him there is nothing he could ever do to make me not. Yes I’ve tried to talk him about it, but he doesn’t want to talk yet and I need to respect that. I think pushing him could be a mistake. Thursday night my wife asked if we could have a drink as I had to leave on Friday to see my brother. I had ones but honestly it went right to my head and honestly just wanted to sleep: she kept trying to initiate sex, but I wasn’t in the mood. I woke up Friday morning and my wife was gone; so was her suitcase. I’ve texted and called but there’s been no answer other than a text telling me we’d talk about it when she’s back. She ignored me and went on her trip regardless and I am furious. I have left her some cash in the bank account she has the card too, but have removed everything else into another account. I had to call my brother why I wouldn’t be coming to see him, and he arrived here on Saturday with my nephew and two nieces. The house is very full, but honestly it feels more open than it has in a long long time. The kids seem relaxed and so do the dogs. I don’t know what will happen with my wife, but I am done. I can’t afford a lawyer right now and unfortunately I don’t know any who could give me a deal or do me a favour, but this marriage is over. It should’ve been a long time ago TLDR: wife and I talked, had an argument, she went on trip regardless and my brother is here with his family. This sub only allows one update, so if I post anything further it will be on my own profile. Relevant Comments OOP on if his wife might have undiagnosed health problems including PPD OOP: I spoke to her doctor about the issues she was having because she would not. He asked her what was happening, how she was and she would say the pregnancy was fine, she was having no issues yet at home all I got was how hard things where, how ill she felt, how sore she was. Screaming, yelling at me. I went into the bed because I am 6.5 and work a physically and mentally demanding job, it is not good for my body to sleep on a two seater couch. I wanted to sleep as I had work in the morning, she escalated and got physical, not me. She made the argument worse, not me. Undiagnosed PPD? She has been to her doctor who had diagnosed her with nothing, she told me so herself, and as for me knocking her up? It takes two people to create a child. We do not live in America and my wife is pro choice, if she wanted to terminate; she has the ability to do so. I told her after our second was born that I didn’t think having more kids was a good idea, and she insisted, I said the same thing after our third and after my vasectomy and she lost her mind. “Let her go on vacation and feel like herself for the first time in forever.” Did she not feel like herself when she went on multiple weekends away last year with her friends? Does she not feel like herself when she’s hanging with the girls for lunch dates through the month? Do you know the last time I saw my brother in person? Before the pandemic. He is here so support me, if you want my wife to go on vacation so I can’t, then it’s perfectly reasonable that my brother can come to the home I pay for when I need him. Are you my wife?   Update #2 (in comments): July 2, 2024 (same day, 6 hours later) Slight... update? I'm not going to add this to the post as it's already long enough. please excuse any spelling mistakes as I'm so tired. thank you all, but I'm not in America. I know a lot of you have suggested I message her telling her I'm going to divorce her etc, but I think I'm gong to play it cool, act like I've accepted her decision so she's not on guard. I know she's said something to my son, but he won't tell me what it is and I feel like if I push him to he might not ever, but my nephew and him are hanging out a lot,. they're close despite not seeing each other much so I'm hoping he might confide in him and maybe open up. I'm not just letting this go, we will talk but I don't want to pus him too much. I am not a lightweight, I can drink, but I have been exhausted and I mean very exhausted for some time now and I think that maybe that's why I passed out after having one drink, but I would be lying to myself and to you if I said I wasn't suspicious. I am suspicious of a lot now. I swear, I'm not an idiot, but I really feel like one now. some of you have suggested that I get the kids DNA tested, especially my youngest and while I know that this is likely something I'll have to do, it breaks my heart to think that they're not mine. my girls all look the same, just older versions of each other, so if I have to DNA test the youngest, I have to do them all. I never wanted kids, this is why I've always used condoms. I'm not the biggest fan of them, but I love my own, I love these kids. regardless of the DNA test. they are mine, but I fear if it comes back that they're not It could damage our relationship. my brother has read my posts and spent the last days telling me everything he hates about my wife (obviously not in front of the kids) he's pretty funny and I feel like I haven't been able to laugh like this in a long time. he says he's going to make a reddit account, lord knows what he'll say. writing this update has opened my eyes further, I see how the timing of wanting her to go back to work liens up with each pregnancy, but when these things are years apart, and your concentrating on supporting the family and work your brain sometimes pushes these thoughts away until something triggers them again and boom, you're slapped in the face with the realisation that you're entire relationship is potentially built on a mountain of lies. she has her phone and iPad with her, so I can't check any of that. but I'm going to be going through her stuff, is it in envision of privacy? likely, do I care right now? no. I feel like I've wasted the majority of my life, the good years and that feels horrible to say when I have four kids. I promise I don't mean that they're a waste. as I said in the post, this marriage is over, I am done. my kids deserve better but I won't be alone when I confront her, as I said she can get handsy and no, I have never retaliated and I don't want to be put into a position where I need to. I thank you all for your comments, your insight, your kindness. I know I haven't replied to many comments at all, but don't really have time to do so when there are so many but I am trying to respond etc DM's as that seems like the easier thing to do. I want to ask my SIL what actually happened with my wife and that job. but I don't want her to know I'm suspicious. my Sil is a kind woman but she is my wife's sister so her loyalties lay with her I suppose and I don't want to alert my soon to be ex. does anyone have any ideas how I can do this? seems odd to bring up a job my wife had for a very brief time years ago. I wish you all the best. Relevant Comments OOP on the accusations for not respecting his wife’s needs and wants OOP: How do I not respect her needs / wants? I pay for everything and do the majority of the child / Pet care and house work. I have not gone on vacation in years because I was providing for my family. I have gave her everything she’s wanted for the past 17 years and she couldn’t give me a weekend with my brother. Why couldn’t we both go on vacation? Because I don’t randomly have the money to fund 2 weeks away for her. I can’t just up and leave my 16 year old to look after 3 younger kids and two high energy dogs, I couldn’t take them with me because that would mean multiple plane tickets and accommodations, food etc for them as well as dog sitting / boarding for the dogs.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

here is the update, it’s not good, it’s not totally bad either because aparently I’ve sprouted a backbone. A lot has happened and I feel like my world is falling apart. This will be long. The following few paragraphs are some more background. The update will be marked with —- UPDATE.—- so you guys can find it faster. TLDR at bottom. Some of you have suggested that I enable her behaviour and I’d like to address it, to explain how things got this way to begin with. My wife worked from age 16 to 20, but I’d often come home after work during the early stages of her pregnancy and she would tell me of how bad the morning sickness had been and how she was getting in trouble at work for being late or not turning up due to the issues she was having, one night, after a long discussion about things, she suggested that it would be easier; and better for her and the baby if she stayed home during the pregnancy. I was reluctant at first because we weren’t exactly swimming in cash, but ultimately the health of my wife and child were more important than a few months of added stress. To save money, we moved in with my wife’s older sister and her husband. (We split rent and utilities, but were still saving some money.) The pregnancy wasn’t easy on her, she was often cranky and uncomfortable and as a result could be quite mean, rude and a bit handsy. So after further discussions with my wife and her sisters, I took on more of the house hold duties such as cooking etc. m When my eldest was born, my wife’s sister helped with child care while I was at work for the first year, but after she and my wife had a fight when he was about a year old, We moved into our own place: but my wife struggled during the day when I wasn’t there to help so we ultimately decided to put him in another daycare facility. I would drop him off on my way to work and would pick him up on my way back home when I finished. Once home, one of us would cook dinner while the other watched the baby. Back then we had no pets, so household duties weren’t too much and could be handled by a couple hours cleaning on Saturday or Sunday when we could split it between us both. When my son was 3. My wife’s sister offered to get her a job where she worked. My wife had to do an interview, but my SIL was confident she’d get the position. My wife was reluctant and nervous (about returning to work, but attended the interview and was offered the job. I don’t remember much of our celebrations that night, but it ended in the conception of our second child. My wife told me when she’d been at her new job for just over a month . She stuck it out for a couple more weeks, but was fired due to not turning up for shifts. I asked one of her doctors about the issues she was having so early in the pregnancy, back pain, leg pain, nausea etc but my wife cut me off before I could finish and asked me to leave the room. When we Got home; she berated me for speaking to her doctor like she was a child and told me that if she wants something brought up to her doctor regarding her pregnancy, that she‘d do it herself. I had embarrassed her because she knew her body, and knew what was normal and what wasn’t. I still thought the issues had to be addressed with her doctor, but whenever I brought it up her mood swings would get worse. My MiL came to live with us when my second was born for a short while when I returned to work after my paternity leave. When my daughter was about 4 months old my wife expressed she was having difficulty looking after her by herself during the day but my Mil, who had her own life and responsibilities couldn’t come back and stay indefinitely. We had a 2. Bedroom apartment then and having her sleep on the couch didn’t seem fair to me. So we enrolled my daughter in day care while my son was at nursery. My son went to day care after nursery as well, so I’d pick them both up around 6pm and head home. My rwife promised she would speak to her doctor about the possibility of depression etc and her mood did improve with the additional help with the children. My wife took on cooking and cleaning duties then, but struggled as well. I would often come home to burned / ruined food, and would need to make something else anyway. So I ended up cooking dinner most nights so we wouldn’t be wasting food. M During a weekend away for a friends wedding, When my daughter was five, I suggested that my wife go back to work. Both kids were in school now, and I thought we could improve our lifestyle with two incomes. We had recently bought a house because the apartment was too small for us and the children needed their own rooms. She seemed hesitant which I understood after being out of work for so long, but she agreed . She applied for several positions but had no luck with interviews or call backs, we found out she was pregnant with our third not long after that and returning to work was put on hold again. The pregnancy was difficult as expected but again my Mil came to stay when I had to return to work. She stayed for a while but had to return to her own home eventually. Before she left, my wife told me that she feared she would struggle with our second daughter just as she had the first too. I tried to reassure her, but she seemed to become insanely depressed the second her mother left. I would return home with the 8 and 5 year old to a screaming baby and nothing done around the house. Her mood and actions effected the entire house; so reluctantly I put her second daughter in day care as well, but I told my wife she had to talk to her doctor, and that we’d no longer be having anymore children. She was and, and we had a huge fight about it. But I got a vasectomy and she accepted it. We’ve always used protection, my wife is on birth control and I always use condoms, but given that it had already failed twice for us, (when my first was conceived after my 21st I was so drunk I don’t think I wore one, our second after celebrating her new job, and our third at our friends wedding) I didn’t want it to happen again. But obviously, the universe had other plans for us and our third daughter was born two years after our second when we were celebrating a promotion I’d gotten at work. Obviously, this is a brief summary of events and there have been several other moments through the years when I’ve suggested she go back to work, but I thought I’d try to provide further background for those who’re curious about how we got to where we are. —- Someone asked if my wife has had a break recently. She has never taken two weeks away before, but she goes away a couple of times every year for weekend trips with family and friends. The longest she has been gone is a week. In regards to the dogs and why they don’t like her, she doesn’t like them. She thinks the mental stimulation I provide through kong toys, games, puzzles etc is unnecessary but freaks out if their energy levels are too high. One is a German Shepard which I was gifted for my birthday and the other is a German Shepard Malinois mix my wife brought home because she thought our GSD needed a friend. Yes they have been to training and were originally in doggy day care for the first couple years. Onto the update suppose. ——- UPDATE —— So, as one of you suggested, I took a day off of work. I genuinely wasn’t feeling to good either, but I intended to speak to my wife about the situation nqwhile the children were at school. M Kids all left for school by 7 ish, my wife came down stairs at 11.45 and seemed very shocked to see me. She asked what I was doing at home and I explained I took a sick day as I wasn’t feeling well. The first words out of her mouth were “but we need the money, you don’t look that bad.” I made a face, and she quickly asked what was wrong and asked if she could get me anything. I asked for a water and we sat on the couch, but soon her phone rang, and she went off into the kitchen to talk. She came back a while later and asked if I wanted to get something to eat, and I said we could make something from the kitchen. She said she wanted to go out and I said we could order take out, but I wasn’t in the mood to go out. The dogs had been sitting by the chest freezer waiting the pantry for their lunch time enrichment for ten minutes now, and I asked if she was going to feed them. She flopped onto the couch and asked me to get it. I said no, she asked again, and I said no, again. She glared at me, but eventually got up and gave it to them. M She asked me to take her out again several times, and I kept saying no. I was starting to get a migraine, which I told her, but she kept asking, suggesting we could go shopping, she could get her nails done and we could enjoy the day together. I refused, said we had something to talk about and she said we would then went upstairs. She came back down 40 minutes later dressed up and said if I wasn’t going to take her out, she’d go herself. I tried to get her to sit down so we could talk, but she blew me a kiss at the door and rushed outside without even locking it. M While she was out, I took some of your advice and cancelled the cleaning lady we have. I apologised to her, as I really did like her but she was very understanding and I think we parted on good terms. M She returned home at 8pm and immediately asked where dinner was. I told her the kids and I had already ate. She asked where her dinner was and I told her she’d have to make something for herself. She said she’d just order something, and I told her no. This gave her pause and she looked at me like I’d just told her she had to starve. She said she couldn’t cook, and o told her I know she’s perfectly capable of making something. We have plenty of foods, it’s not like she has to be Gordon Ramsey to stick a tin of soup or something on the stove. She left again; and returned 30 minutes later with McDonald’s for herself which set the younger kids off. Yes, they’d already ate but she walked in the door finishing her burger and drink with an empty bag and McFlurry tub. M Our youngest asked why she didn’t bring her any ice cream and my wife said “daddy said I wasn’t allowed to.” I did not say this, and I swear it took more strength than I’d like to admit not to yell at her in front of our daughter. When the kids were in bed, I asked her to sit and talk about the situation regarding our trips. She asked if I’d rescheduled with my brother and I firmly told her no, and that I wouldn’t be. I tried to have a conversation, I explained I felt our duties were incredibly uneven and that I’d like for her to take on more responsibilities with the children and the house. She argued that she does enough and I asked her to make a list. She put laundry down, feeding the dogs, making doctors appointments and grocery shoppingz And I brought out my own list with everything I’ve told you guys so far and added that I created the dogs meals, she simply has to give it to them, I fold and distribute laundry, take kids to doctors appointments and that the groceries are ordered through an app on her phone, delivered to the house and I put them away. M She got up then, I asked what she was doing and she said she was going upstairs. I didn’t argue, I didn’t want it to resolve to an argument and wake the kids up. She was visibly shaking with anger. A while later I went upstairs as well. She was on the phone to someone and when I entered the room she demanded I leave and go sleep on the couch, I refused and climbed into bed: she hung up the phone and demanded again that I sleep on the couch and again, I refused. She grabbed me and physically tried to drag me out. That resulted in a fight and I ended up sleeping on the couch because she was going to wake the kids up again. The following days were much of the same. I have stoped folding and putting away her laundry, I do it for myself and the younger kids and my two oldest take their piles and put them away themselves. I still cook for the kids, but have told my wife that she has to make her own meals. Petty, I know. I think my eldest heard us arguing because he asked if he could take the dogs out for a couple walks with his friend during during the week. He hazes, wnd he says he’s enjoying it but I think he and my wife had an argument the other day because he’s been very very distance with her and things just feel.. off. He’s asked me about three times if I love him, or course I’ve told him there is nothing he could ever do to make me not. Yes I’ve tried to talk him about it, but he doesn’t want to talk yet and I need to respect that. I think pushing him could be a mistake. Thursday night my wife asked if we could have a drink as I had to leave on Friday to see my brother. I had ones but honestly it went right to my head and honestly just wanted to sleep: she kept trying to initiate sex, but I wasn’t in the mood. I woke up Friday morning and my wife was gone; so was her suitcase. I’ve texted and called but there’s been no answer other than a text telling me we’d talk about it when she’s back. She ignored me and went on her trip regardless and I am furious. I have left her some cash in the bank account she has the card too, but have removed everything else into another account. I had to call my brother why I wouldn’t be coming to see him , and he arrived here on Saturday with my nephew and two nieces. The house is very full, but honestly it feels more open than it has in a long long time. The kids seem relaxed and so do the dogs. I don’t know what will happen with my wife, but I am done. I can’t afford a lawyer right now and unfortunately I don’t know any who could give me a deal or do me a favour, but this marriage is over. It should’ve been a long time ago TLDR: wife and I talked, had an argument, she went on trip regardless and my brother is here with his family. This sub only allows one update, so if I post anything further it will be on my own profile. submitted by /u/polly_throwaway3 to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]

I (27F), have a group of female friends (8 of us), we have been friends for over a decade, since school. Now we don’t live in the same place, we meet up a couple of times a year for a weekend in an Airbnb. This use to be a weekend of good food, drinks, hot tub etc. I am content with my life at the moment, I am single, dating and I don’t know if I would like children - but in the event I did I know I wouldn’t want one soon. Around 5 of my friends are either married or in very long term relationships, of these 5 two either have a baby or are pregnant. I will be seeing all of my friends this year for various wedding / friend / baby events. I have been invited on this years girls trip, I have said I can’t come. I didn’t originally provide a reason. When queried, in person by my friend, who is pregnant - I told her the truth. I am not going because it’s a massive financial expense, for three days where we only talk about people’s upcoming engagements / weddings / babies. I have a lot going on, but I feel a lot of my friends do not show an interest unless I talk about some one I’m dating. I also last time, listened to one of my friends talk about her breastfeeding plans, with vengeance, for over an hour. She is not pregnant or trying. Truthfully it’s boring, and it feels dismissive. It’s also a really expensive way to feel bad about myself. I made clear when telling my friend this, that I am thrilled for them all living the lives they want, but maybe it’s not the weekend for me at the moment. Meaning it feels like the group has two distinct life stages, I’m in the minority and it focuses on one stage. My friend has since told me, she’s really hurt I am not excited for her, or our other friends. I responded saying, I evidently was (from other actions), but I just didn’t think the trip was for me. I do have numerous other things on, and to fit this in both in the calendar and financially is a struggle. I just want to add for this friend specifically I have gone on three weekends away for her wedding, and I am flying to go her baby shower - all the in the last two years. I have not asked her, nor has she wanted to fly to see me for anything in the last two years. So my query is AITA for being truthful with the reason why I can’t go? UPDATE, thank you all for your responses and comments. Just a few things to note in response to some of the general themes of response. 1. I DO show an interest in their weddings, engagements, babies and baby plans. I am excited for them, I text about it, I ask for updates, I go to AND help plan events for these things. My issue is, three days of talking about this like it’s the only topic of substance is not fun, especially when I don’t feel an interest is reciprocated to me on my life. 2. I have spoken to one of my other friends invite on the trip (who is also not at the baby stage of life), she is also not going on the trip, and said she is not attending for the same reason. 3. The friend I expressed this too has apologised for her initial reaction, and is still trying to convince me to come. I am not going to go, but I am hoping she at least considers what I have shared. 4. I do have other friends, in the city I live in, and they are a joy to be in the company of. Maybe this is because we became friends as adults, and have more similar lifestyles, who knows. Finally - some comments about me being jealous, hating myself / my life etc. To confirm dear strangers on the internet, I am content - thank you for the concern though. submitted by /u/Remarkable_Lake410 to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

Months ago, my partner invited me to go to this fish restaurant. It's a fixed price, all you can eat, very expensive (for my country, 25 euros, other restaurants cost half of that at lunch) and I would only eat rice and vegetables (which cost 4 euros in days when it's not all you can eat). I asked the staff if I could pay only for a plate of rice and vegetables, they said no: either I pay the entire 25 or nothing, since they can't control every customer. So I didn't eat anything, and just watched him eating. Yesterday he invited me to have lunch with his friends. I asked him where we would go, he refused to tell me... They took me in the car and we arrived at that fish restaurant. And he said: IF I HAD TOLD YOU WE WOULD COME HERE, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT THE HOUSE. And he started laughing at me. I took a chance, maybe they would serve me this time... but they didn't. I politely said I would walk back home, and since they said they would go to a nice coffee place later, I said I would join them... Later on, my partner got home really mad... saying he was very embarrassed and that I was very impolite to leave... he said I ruined their lunch, his friends felt uncomfortable and think I'm a freak and unstable (as they usually like to portray vegans). He won't talk to me since yesterday. I swear I left very politely, I never made a scene. Our relationship is in a crisis, he's become more abusive over the years and thinks he is always right. This is just an example of how things often work between us. It's psychologically tiring... I would never take him to a place he hates and wouldn't be served... It makes no sense to me why he did that if he knows I wouldn't be able to eat, this happened before! Should I have paid 25 euros (it's a lot for us) for a plate of rice that costs 4 and pretend I'm happy with his "surprise" to make him happy? Am I that wrong? Update: Wow! I wasn’t expecting all this attention. I’m reading all comments. submitted by /u/Available_Table_123 to r/TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]

EDIT: for everyone asking, we’ve been officially together for 3 months. We were very casually saying for five months before that but I don’t count that as us being “together” because he was dating other people My friend “Alek” and I have known each other forever because our grandfathers were friends. They became friends as a result of the Holocaust. They grew up in the same area, and my great aunt saved Alek’s grandfather’s life. They survived, and emigrated to the same country where they remained friends their whole lives. Our families are very connected. Last month, on the anniversary of my grandfather’s death, Alek and I began discussing taking a trip to my grandfather’s birth country, and other places associated with their lives. We decided to take the trip for three weeks early next year. My boyfriend “Ezra” is mad that I didn’t invite him. I told him this was a trip about my and Alek’s family history, and something we wanted to do together to connect with our heritage, it’s not a resort vacation. He said he is hurt that I don’t want to share this with him. I keep telling him this isn’t chicken nuggets and I don’t want to share, this is something that just patently doesn’t include him and something I just want to do with Alek, and he’s being irrationally jealous. Friends I’ve spoken to say I absolutely have the right to go, but they don’t blame him for being hurt that I want to go travelling with another guy. They say I should maybe invite him for a few days if the trip and if I don’t want him to come to specific places that’s fine but I should find a way to include him on the trip. I don’t think I should have to invite him just to pander to his jealousy and fomo. AITA for not inviting him? submitted by /u/noinvitetrip to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

My (f27), cousin (f33) and i organised a vacation to America last year in October. Everything was going smoothly, hotel booked. Activities planned. Outfits ordered. And plane tickets purchased. Everything was fine and i was looking foward to spending the holiday with my cousin. I was at home last week when i got a phone call at 1am. Mind you my phone is on do not disturb, so my cousin decided to call my aunt because I wasn’t answering. My aunt then comes in to my room and wakes me up to tell me my cousin wants to talk to me. So i call my cousin and asked her if everything was ok and she tells me she has two mutual friends who heard though the grapevine that we were going to America, and they had asked her if they could come with us and stay at at the bnb we had booked, which my cousin told them i would pay for. I tell her that I’m really uncomfortable with the idea of these two people that I’ve never met spending 2 weeks in the same house as us. I asked her why she would tell them it was ok without checking with me first since i was paying for half of everything. She told me there was no problem with them staying with us because there were two spare rooms in the bnb. I asked her if she knew these people because she had told me they were mutual friends. She said she had met them at clubs through friends over the years, and they had only spoken a few times. I told her i didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of them staying with us, because i don’t know them and what they are like. She tells me that i dont have to worry about her friends, and that i shouldn’t judge them because i’ve never met them. My response was that if i don’t end up liking them then I’m stuck in the same house with them overseas, for the next 2 weeks. The friends of hers now expect to tags along with us to all the activities we had planned months ago, which I originally thought would just be me and my cousin. Ive told her i don’t know if i feel comfortable with them coming. she’s told me its too late because they have already booked their plane tickets and she had already told them that they can stay with us free of charge. Shes told me that if i don’t like the idea of them staying with us, i can get my own place, although i have already payed for half the bnb, which cant be refunded. I want to tell her I’m not going if they are coming, and they would have to find a way to pay the rest of the bnb without me, but i cant get a refund. I don’t know what to do. Aita??? submitted by /u/OkNeedleworker9427 to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

I (25F) moved in with my bf (30m) to help him out financially. He got stuck outside of his home country, and I was well established. One month he asked me to help with bills, and I did. The next month, I proposed to move in together since I couldn't afford to cover my bills and part of his. He didn't want to leave his friend (32M) with whom he shared an apartment. So, I agreed to move in with them (big mistake!). Anyways, I moved to the smaller room without an ensuite bathroom with my bf. And the friend was in the bigger one with a bathroom inside. At first, I thought my bf and I would be sharing bills in half. So we both paid half of the rent, his friend the other half, and electricity, and water three ways. However, the friend asked if I could pay 1/3 of the rent and that in the US it was standard. I didn't know if it was standard, but neither of them were working and It wasn't a burden for me. It was about the same I was paying for my own apartment before, so I agreed. I did state that once the rent period at that apartment was up, we would move so my bf and I could have a bigger room with a bathroom inside. They both agreed like yeah yeah. Once the rent was up, they started looking for apartments. We found a house we liked, but it striked me as odd. As the house, although bigger also had one room with ensuite and one bathroom outside. I thought, oh, the friend will take the smaller room this time. As you can guess, the friend refused to take the smaller room. I asked my bf about it, and he was like oh idk, let me asked. Well, the friend lost it, saying he wasn't gonna take no smaller room, that no way he was going to share his bathroom with guests and that it was just not happening. I pointed out our previous agreement (which he said I never proposed or he accepted). I explained that first, We had lived in the smaller room (2ppl) and that if switching for fairness wasn't enough reason. We paid for a more uncomfortable space 2/3 of the rent. Lastly, the guest (friends of my bf and friend) tended to pee on the toilet seat where I'm supposed to sit. And that's unhygienic and disgusting. I don't want to come back from work to have to clean the mess of someone who can't aim with his d. The friend then started gaslighting me, and being rude. I said that then I wasn't moving with them. For not only the attitude to address this situation, but also the disregard for the financial help I was providing and concerns. Then he called me an assh*le, because he had already paid the deposit, and sign the contract (without informing me). That they were stuck in a place they couldn't afford. So, redditors from the US. Is that some sort of American standard, no matter the space you get, you pay rent equally? And I am the assh*le for refusing to move in with them, after I had said yes, causing them to not be able to afford the new place? submitted by /u/brightpanda777 to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

If I timed the 911 call just right, the paramedics could revive me before I kicked the bucket for good. At least, that was the hope. Any number of things could go wrong, especially when it came to asphyxiation. I didn't want to die, per se; I just needed a way in, and this was the only thing I could come up with, however foolish a plan it may have been. I better be careful about this. Charlotte would never forgive me if I died this way. Get yourself in there and stick to the plan. Before I could talk myself out of it, I dialed the number, gave the operator my address, and told her what I was about to do. After ending the call, I inhaled a deep, preparatory breath, placed the bag over my head, secured it around my neck, and then released the valve on the helium tank. Maybe it wasn't the best way to go about taking my own life, but it sure as hell beat slicing up my arms and praying the ambulance would arrive before I bled out on the carpet. As a bonus, it would be completely painless; like falling asleep, if my research was to be believed. As the gas filled the plastic bubble around my head, my vision began wavering. Darkness crept around my eyes and soon filled my entire field of view. Within moments, I lost consciousness. The last thing I remember was the faint sensation of my body going limp and my head falling against the back of the armchair. This was it. I only hoped it wouldn't be the end of me. *** For what seemed like an eternity, there was nothing but blackness. Just an endless void that lacked any and all light. That's how I perceived it, anyway; it's possible I was seeing the back of my eyelids from a gurney on its way through the emergency room. I just knew I was conscious; at least in some fashion, but with no access to my physical body. An orb of awareness floating through a sea of nothing. Panic overtook me as I drifted. What if there is no afterlife? What if I did die and this is all there is to it? Am I doomed to remain this way forever? These worries were soon put to rest by a dim, white light, visible in the distance. It grew larger in size as the moments passed, indicating that it was getting closer; or that I was getting closer to it. Before long, it enveloped me, bringing with it a soothing warmth, the likes of which I had never felt before. The feeling subsided almost as quickly as it came, and the light dissipated, revealing my new surroundings. I was in a white room with a single door at one of its walls. Not white really; I suppose blank is a better word for it; like a brightness with no color. It seemed to breathe as well. The walls, the floor; they expanded and contracted as translucent waves of glowing energy resonated throughout. The only dissonance was the view above. No roof or ceiling; just pitch black as far as the eye could see. Seeing as the door was my only viable means of progressing, I gathered my wits and approached it. To my surprise, before I could even reach for the handle, it opened, and a man stepped out from within. "Hello, Jack." He was an older gentleman. Late 50s, gray hair and mustache. "How do you know me?" I asked, alarmed by his arrival. He snickered a bit before replying. "Oh Jack, I've known you for quite some time, and I know exactly why you're here." He snapped his fingers and they appeared on either side of him. My wife and daughter. "Charlotte! Leslie!" I took a step forward, but the man put out his hand to stop me. "They can't hear you, Jack. They are shells of their former selves." I wasn't quite following. "What the hell is going on here? How do you know me? What have you done to my wife and daughter?" "You're a lucky man, Jack. I'm going to tell you everything. Secrets no mortal was ever meant to know." He leaned in a bit before divulging his truths. "Your kind call us guardian angels, but we don't protect you; we just observe and make sure things go according to plan. You are the three I've been assigned to since Leslie's birth. It used to be one per human, but there are less of us now than ever before. Now it's one to a family." Confusion washed over me as my mouth opened, but no words came out in response. In truth, I didn't know what to say. "And this, if you haven't guessed by now, is what you humans so lovingly refer to as heaven. The afterlife, if you will. An assortment of rooms, each with their own deceased. It's a glorified museum of souls, really." Looking down at my battered wife and daughter, my patience wore thin. "That doesn't explain what you've done to my family!" He threw me an arrogant smile. "When a person's been here long enough, we take their life force - extracting every last remnant of their soul." "And then? What do you do with the souls you take?" I asked. His lip curled up a bit before answering. "We devour them. You humans need air, food, and water to live; we need souls. It's the only thing keeping us alive. This system of ours has been in place since the dawn of time and will continue long after the universe has folded in on itself. Charlotte and Leslie's tickets are up. I've been picking away at them bit by bit. It's a long and tedious process - one that's very unpleasant for the soul's host. They're damaged goods now." My blood boiled at every word that fell from his lips. Without hesitating, I took a swing at him. My fist met the side of his face and then went right through; like punching a ghost. "Nice try, Jack." My anger only grew. "Why are you even telling me any of this?!" His face wrinkled into a more serious look. "It's simple, really. I want your soul. Fresh meat is hard to come by these days. When a person dies, we have to wait to consume their essence; a grace period of sorts. From birth, all humans have a divine protection on their souls - a bothersome trait of your evolution. It lingers, even after death. We can only feed after it wears off. By dinnertime, the soul is stale and tasteless - barely enough to maintain our strength. We're like vampires feeding on cows." "Then how do you plan on taking mine?" His face lit up at the question. "You are a curious case, Jack. Taking one's own life is the only thing that voids that pesky barrier. That means your soul is now available for consumption. Unfortunately, even we have our rules." He no longer looked so enthused. "Meaning what, exactly?" I asked. "You're not dead. Not completely. There's still a chance you'll be saved. That means, while you're in this cross-section of life and death, I cannot retrieve your soul. Not without your consent." He couldn't touch me. Not without my permission. That one fact gave me hope that the current could still shift in my favor. It was something I could potentially use to my advantage. "So what is this then, you want me to just hand it over? Why on earth would I ever agree to that?" He smiled and looked down at Leslie and Charlotte. "These are - what's the phrase - my bargaining chips?" My eyes widened and my heart sank. I was undoubtedly fearful for their safety in all of this. Whatever he was up to, he certainly had my attention now. "I know all about your haphazard rescue mission. But it was doomed from the start. Even if you somehow managed to escape with them, they have no bodies to return to. They were cremated after the accident. Hell, if I didn't show up when you arrived, you would have never even found them in this godforsaken maze! It's larger than the universe itself." He was right. It was my desire, all along, to bring them back with me, but I didn't have much of a plan after getting in. The idea was to find whoever was in charge and beg for their help. I thought, at the very least, I would be allowed to communicate with them and make sure they were okay; maybe even ask for their forgiveness. "So what are you saying? You can give them their bodies back? Make them alive again?" "That's not possible. Look at them, Jack. They're well past dead. Not even I have the power to rectify what's been done." I took a closer look. Charlotte adorned a pair of empty eyes and pale skin, stuck in a zombie-like stupor. Even Leslie, who had always been so vibrant and full of life when she was alive, was now still. As still as she was on that slab in the morgue after the accident. I looked away, tears now rolling down my cheeks. I just wanted to bring them back. My wife and my sweet little girl. It was my job to protect them and I failed. I'm the one who did this. I was the one behind the wheel. It should have been me instead. "I'm so sorry... It should have been me, I just-" The man interjected. "I can offer you a ceasefire of sorts. If you agree to let me absorb your soul, your family here will get a little break. Let's say, one hundred years before their final extraction?" It was probably a good deal, but I couldn't bear the thought of my family being hurt in any way, even if it wasn't for another century. "No." He placed his hand to his chin in contemplation before dislocating it and tossing me a stern look. "Okay, how about a thousand?" That wasn't good enough. He needed something I had. So long as that was true, I could haggle for something better, like my family's freedom. "I want them alive again. If you can do that, we have a deal." He scoffed at my counter-offer. "Even if their souls were in perfect condition and bodies unscathed, resurrection is not an option. It's far outside the range of my capabilities." I glared at him in disbelief. "How do I know you're telling the truth?" "You don't have to believe me, Jack, but I'm not lying. One thousand years is the best I can do. Take it or leave it." Maybe he was being honest. Even so, I didn't like the offer. If I accepted, I would be knowingly throwing my wife and daughter's souls to the beast. They would be chewed up and swallowed like table scraps. No. I couldn't let that happen. "No." The man let out a sigh of disappointment. He then waltzed over and put a condescending hand on my shoulder. "Come on, Jack. Can't you put your family first for once?" My hands were now clenched; the tips of my nails almost breaking skin. I took another swing, but, much like before, my hand passed right through with no resistance whatsoever. He was toying with me and knew just what buttons to push. "How dare you. How dare you stand there and judge me when you're the one tormenting innocent people - leveraging two lives to bargain for a better meal." "It's about survival, Jack. A fresh soul like yours could keep me alive for thousands of years. I can't afford to be empathetic when my very existence is on the line!" I turned away, completely disgusted, but half-considering his offer. It was, after all, the only one on the table. Even if they were going to have their souls desecrated, I could at least delay the inevitable. "You know what, Jack. I'm going to make you one final offer. Your family gets a thousand years, and in addition, you will get a severance package. While your soul is being ripped from your vessel, I will put you in a trance. You won't feel any pain. You'll be locked away in your own memories, free to relive the best moments of your life again and again until your time is up." I stood silent for a moment, thinking it over. "I like you, Jack. I really do. This could be beneficial for the both of us. Here, let me show you." The man placed a hand on my forehead. In an instant, the room faded, and I was transported into my car, driving down the back roads of our old neighborhood, Charlotte and Leslie in the backseat, looking out the window at Christmas lights. It was a memory of mine from last winter. Just then, the man from heaven appeared in the passenger's seat. "This is one of my favorites. You were so happy back then." "What the hell are you doing here?" I asked. "Don't worry, they can't see me. I'm in total control. Please Jack, humor me. Look at them." I stole a glimpse of Charlotte and Leslie through the rearview mirror. They were smiling, happily looking out at all the decorated houses. It wasn't really my wife and daughter; just a memory, but it felt so good to see them like this. It was peaceful. "I can make it feel like years in here, Jack. Just say the word and it's yours." It was a tempting offer. More than tempting, actually. It took every fiber in me not to accept right then and there. The only thing I wanted more than to live in a fantasy like this was the real thing. More than that, I wanted my family to be safe. "Why can't you just let them go? I'll give you my soul. I just want them to be safe." "I told you, Jack. It's not within my power. Their souls have been thoroughly shredded." "AND WHO'S FAULT IS THAT?!" I yelled. He shook his head in disapproval. "Yours, if I remember correctly. You're the one who swerved off the road and killed your family. I was just feeding to stay alive. Survival is a basic instinct that isn't unique to just humans, you know!" We sat quiet for the rest of the ride, both seething with anger. Once the memory ran its course and I pulled into our driveway at home, the man turned to me and placed his hand on my forehead again, putting me in another memory. This time, I was in a hospital. "PUSH! PUSH!" I heard Charlotte screaming, and all at once it came back to me. This was the day Leslie was born. "Beautiful, isn't it. Gross, but beautiful." The man from heaven was now at my side, watching the moment unfold. After all was said and done, a nurse came over and handed me a newborn Leslie. "Congratulations, sir. It's a girl." She didn't cry. Instead, her eyes opened, she took one look up at me, and then placed her tiny hand on my chest. She was mine and I was hers. My little girl. In the years that passed since this day, I had almost forgotten how much this moment affected me. This was, without a shadow of a doubt, the happiest day of my life. The man from heaven placed a hand on my back and offered me a smile. "Congratulations, Jack." I looked back down at Leslie, but she was gone. In looking up, the whole room was now empty; no doctors, nurses, or staff. All life had vanished from the hospital. There was just me, the man, and a harrowing silence. He sat down on the hospital bed where Charlotte had just given birth. "These precious moments are all you have left now. You should take them while you still can." A single tear fell from my face. It started happy, rolling down my cheek at the sight of my daughter, so precious and loving. It ended sad when she disappeared, grazing my chin and hitting the floor with a heartbreaking splash. It reminded me of the day she was taken from me. The day I lost both of them. "What'll it be, Jack? The clock is ticking." It was probably the best offer I would get, but the image of Charlotte and Leslie, lifeless and broken, stayed with me. If there were ever a moment to fight for my family, this was it. "Save my wife and daughter and I'm yours." The man's face turned sour as he stood up and marched over to me. "I have just about had it with you! Do you know how many people in the world would die for an offer like this? You killed yourself for your family and you can't even lift a finger to help them in their time of need?!" "I am helping them. It's simple. You need my soul and I need their safety. Not for a finite period of time, and not in here. Down there, on earth, far away from things like you. Figure out how to make it happen or no deal." His lips contorted into a mad grin. "You know what? I have a better idea!" He placed his hand on my forehead once more and transported us to another memory. This one was all too familiar. "No... it can't be..." Charlotte was in the passenger's seat. Through the rearview mirror, I saw the man sitting in the back, next to Leslie. "Oh yes, Jack, it can. This is the night you killed your family." I immediately attempted to stop the car, but my body's movements were out of my control. "No! You can't do this!" "Of course I can! Now pipe down, I'm trying to watch the show!" Eventually, I swerved and we crashed into that damned tree. That cold pillar of wood whose image would forever be etched into my mind, plaguing my every nightmare. The sound of my daughter's screams echoed all around before giving way to the shattering of glass and the loud crunch of deforming metal. The abrupt silence that followed was sickening. Just as I had on the day in question, I craned my neck back and saw Leslie, covered in blood and shrapnel. Charlotte was even worse. Her airbag failed to go off, so she ricocheted off the windshield, breaking her neck. Her head was hunched over; bent farther back than I thought humanly possible. Shortly after witnessing the aftermath, I passed out, and the horror continued. I awoke in the car at the same moment as before. Charlotte was next to me and Leslie was in the backseat next to that twisted angel and his piercing smile. "So, what'll it be Jack? Take my offer or we relive this crash indefinitely. Even if the paramedics revive you down there on earth, I can make this feel like a lifetime or more. You can have a thousand years of peace for your wife and daughter, or a thousand years of this. Can your fragile mind even handle that? Let's find out!" The car swerved, my daughter screamed, and my family died. Then it all started again. "Come on, Jack! Just say yes. It's that simple. Give me your soul!" No. I had to fight for them. They were worth the anguish. "Save them and you can have it." "Alright Jack, have it your way." Swerve. Screams. Tree. Death. It kept happening; an endless loop of torture. I must have experienced it over fifty times without pause. I wasn't sure I could hold out much longer. "I have to hand it to you, Jack. You have a formidable will on your side. Still, you will be crushed beneath the weight, it's just a matter of time." It must have been the hundredth crash or so. It took me that long to notice it. I must have repressed the memory, or maybe it was knocked loose in the crash, but on this particular replay of events, out of the corner of my eye, I was able to catch a quick glimpse of what it was I was swerving to avoid. It was a man, standing in the middle of the road. There was something familiar about him, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what. A dozen more crashes came and went, each more devastating than the last. To distract myself from the pain of losing my family again and again, I focused on that man in the road, trying desperately to identify what it was I recognized about him. It was difficult in the pandemonium; his outline distant and out of focus, but eventually, it came to me. I knew exactly where I had seen him before. Another loop started. "I'm growing bored of this, Jack. Let's strike this deal and be done with it." "It was you. You were the one standing in the road. You're the one I was avoiding when I swerved. It was you, this whole time." Looking at him through the mirror, I watched him become visibly nervous when I finally put the pieces together. "Like I said, Jack. Survival. If I waited any longer for any of you to die, I would have perished myself. It was nothing personal." The car came to a stop and my family vanished, leaving just me and him behind. "What's going on?" I asked. I turned to see him staring out the car window, defeated. "This little outing of ours had to be sanctioned with the higher-ups. They've been monitoring everything. I thought I tampered with your memory well enough for you to forget. Now that you know, they know too. I'll have to stand trial. It won't be long now before-" In this moment, a beam of light penetrated the car and engulfed the man, effectively vaporizing him before my very eyes. A few flakes of ash danced through the air and settled on the seat below. Afterwards, another man appeared at my side in the passenger's seat. "Hello, Jack. How are you today?" Startled, I fell back against the car door. "Who are you?" "One of the higher-ups he was talking about." He pointed at the pile of ash in the backseat. "Is he... dead?" I asked. "Yes, more dead than anything in this universe can be, in fact. I saw to it myself." Having seen what I just saw, I cowered a bit while conversing with this new danger. "May I ask... why you killed him?" "Certainly. You see, Jack, he broke one of our cardinal rules. It's true that we feed on the souls of humans we're assigned, but, no matter how hungry we get, we are not allowed to interfere in the natural order of things. You and your family were meant to live long lives, but he caused a premature disturbance, nudging your wife and daughter into the hereafter so he could feed." It was all becoming clear now. That man ruined my life. He was to blame for everything. "He put self-preservation before our laws and that can not go unpunished. No trial. No questions. Please, accept my apology on his behalf." A wave of anger overcame me as I sat upright to meet his gaze. "Apology? My wife and daughter are dead and their souls tarnished, all because you couldn't keep one of your own in line? Keep your apology! It means nothing to me." His friendly demeanor turned cold as I said this. "You know, people who speak to someone like me in that sort of tone usually end up like him." Again, he pointed to the backseat. I returned to a cowering position, realizing I may have just crossed a powerful, celestial being. He sighed and then smiled. "It's okay, Jack. I will set things right." Like the man before him, he placed a hand on my forehead. After that, my sight was overtaken by a familiar darkness. A vast void where I could do nothing but drift. Then, I saw it. It was faint at first, but its glow became more visible as time went on. It was a light, and soon it enveloped me. *** I awoke in a hospital, the rhythmic pang of my pulse emanating from a monitor at the side of the bed. Did he... bring me back? A nurse passed by the room and did a double-take before entering. "Oh my gosh, you're awake!" She dashed over to my IV and replaced the fluids while checking my vitals on the monitor. "How long was I out?" "Oh, about three days or so." Only three days? It felt a hell of a lot longer. "You're going to be on suicide watch after that stunt you pulled, just to forewarn you." "It beats being dead, I guess." "You've got that right, Mister." I hadn't fully gathered my composure yet, but the nurse's next words woke me right up. "Oh. You have some visitors. It's your wife and daughter." Charlotte and Leslie? What? But how? "I'll send them in." A few minutes later, I saw them. My heart nearly stopped right then and there. "Jack!" Charlotte ran over pulled me into a tight embrace. Leslie followed behind. "We missed you, Daddy!" I don't have words for how I felt. They were back. My family, in my arms again. "Is this really happening? How are you here?" "It was this man, Jack. He came and patched us up and then sent us back. It's like we never left." She was crying. Happy tears, not sad ones. "It's a miracle, Jack." I took them in my arms and cried too, an enormous smile stretched across my face. This was now the happiest day of my life. I finally had my girls back, and I wouldn't let anyone or anything take them away ever again. *** Whenever that day does come and we have to move on to the next world, I will be prepared. Mark my words; somehow, I will find a way to protect their souls from harm. No one will lay a hand on my family; not while I'm around. I won't allow it. submitted by /u/Christopher_Maxim to r/nosleep [link] [comments]

Hello, I'm being kicked out of my mothers home. She is schizophrenic and can't support me anymore. I'm only here until this morning and then I need to be out. My car(Crown Victoria) is already packed and we already said our goodbyes. I have no friends or family members to stay with, and no job. Where does anyone reading this think that I should go? I understand that I need to get a job as soon as possible, no matter where I end up. Should I just make a "B line" towards the closest city? I'm willing to live in my car if I have to but I don't know how I could have a job without being caught. I know that I didn't provide much information but I don't know what to think right now. Thank you all EDIT - 1:47AM, 03/21/15 - I very much appreciate the offers from people for a place to stay and a job and would love to take one up but I don't know if I can trust anyone without major proof of normalcy. I must seem very vulnerable at this point so I feel like many people with malicious intentions are lurking. EDIT - 4:30AM, 03/21/15 - I don't know what to say. I'm receiving so many kind messages and comments. I'm sorry if I can't get to yours. I very much appreciate all of the help that I'm being offered and I'll try to keep updating this thread as long as I can. submitted by /u/-just-throw-me-away to r/personalfinance [link] [comments]