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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwRA_unsure1234 Husband’s gf wants a baby .. give me advice Originally posted to r/nonmonogamy TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity & coercion Original Post Feb 23, 2026 My husband and I have been together since we were 22. We are 38 now. We have two wonderful sons (a teen and a preteen). When our youngest was 3, we opened our marriage because I wanted to explore. We did some swapping a few times. It was okay, but I realized I really liked being with women. Eventually, I told my husband I was done exploring, but he could continue if he wanted. We talked a lot. He agreed after we discussed some ground rules. I never really dated anyone else. I had brief relationships with a few women, but that’s it. He met Sarah ( very successful career, 40), and there was an immediate spark. Sarah said she wanted to meet me. I told her that as long as their relationship didn’t interfere with our life or his responsibilities as a dad and husband (he is very involved in the kids’ lives and with household responsibilities), I was completely okay with it. So one weekend a month they would meet and have fun. A few times they went on mini trips. I actually enjoyed seeing my husband happy, and Sarah even sent me a few videos. She clearly stated that she had no intention of replacing me. Now, on Saturday, she texted my husband saying she wanted to see both of us at a restaurant. We showed up, and she dropped a bomb: she wants my husband to have a baby with her. She said it would be like being a single mom by choice, except the baby would know who the dad is, and my husband would be involved visiting the child and being part of their life. My husband said this is 100% my decision and that if I don’t feel comfortable, it won’t happen. They both said that if I say no, their relationship will continue, so I shouldn’t feel pressured that I’m breaking them up. She could find another donor, I assume. I can’t stop thinking about it. Am I ruining my husband’s happiness if I say no? If I say yes, am I ruining my kids’ future and our marriage? I hate to admit it, but I always wanted a daughter. What if my husband and she have a girl? Then she would be the woman who finally gives him a daughter. I’m a mess. Please give me advice. RELEVANT COMMENTS Did OOP's husband know beforehand? No he had absolutely no clue either. He loves having more kids. If it was up to him we would have many more kids. Is she already pregnant? No not pregnant now. She said once we are ready she will go off the pills ~ feelinsumgood TOTALLY CONTRARY TO THE INITIAL AGREEMENT! Direct her to a sperm bank. Tell her your friendship and access to YOUR husband will stop and that if she pursues it = even 'by accident', that you will sue her for alienation of affections. For safety sake: Get this 'stuff' in writing = present her an agreement to abide and get it signed by her AND your husband. As a precautionary measure try to get a recording of your conversation about this on your phone. If this conversation causes a rift, then ask her why she's so interested in your husband as versus any other man that she might have. OOP I asked actually.. she said “he is a good looking guy, she loves him, he is smart and a great guy, I’m not getting younger, so I’m gonna do it by myself instead of wasting my time to meet a husband “ ~ Toys_before_boys Info: how long has he been seeing this other person? I don't think you're a bad guy for feeling uncomfortable. If it's 100% your decision, as he claims, you shouldn't feel guilty for saying no. This WOULD impact your children's lives and your life. Also who's to say she's not also pregnant imo. OOP They have been dating for 2 years Update on husband and his gf wanting to have a baby Feb 24, 2026 I talked to my husband. He said Sarah a few times asked if he likes to have more kids casually and complimented him about what an involved dad he is but that’s it. I asked what he thinks about her request ( to get her pregnant), he said he really loves her and loves having more kids and if it’s that’s what makes her happy he would do it in a heartbeat if it was up to him only . I told him he has two solutions: 1- we separate/ divorce, and he can get Sarah pregnant. With 50/50 custody of our kids, he will have time to take care of her and her newborn too like he did for me when I gave birth. He should also explain the whole thing to our kids 2- he gets snipped before touching Sarah or any other women again. I'm not asking you to be monogamous with me but I demand you to get snipped He didn't reply and wanted to think. I guess as of right now it's 100% on him. RELEVANT COMMENTS WildKook101 This is insane! Hope you’re keeping it together somehow. OOP I’m calm. I’m okay. I’ll decide after I get advice from a lawyer. I’m planning to see a therapist and I think it’s important for kids to see a therapist as well. Whether I stay or not there will be big changes in our lives and therapy will help us with the transition. ~ allyspooks7 He has disrespected you and your families dynamic and boundaries by saying he’s going to have the baby whether you like it or not. Especially after he said the choice was 100% your choice. And a divorce is actually so much simpler and doesn’t cost a whole lot if you guys can agree on how it’s split before you go in to file. My heart goes to you and your courage with how everything has gone. I hope it doesn’t have to end too messy. I would agree though that the kids should know regardless of what happens. They deserve to know. OOP Kids know now so do his parents. We talked to them. He told them that it was my idea to open our marriage. He is not cheating and I gave him consent. My oldest is so furious at both of us and called us embarrassing and disgusting. My youngest is meh and doesn’t care really. My MIL yelled at me when she found out. It was an emotional day koolA-9486 He's really awful; he wants all the responsibility on you ! You don't agree about the baby, and that's the real problem. My 13-year-old son would be furious in this situation too. Your husband is destroying everything, especially your son, because of his whim. I will never accept my husband choosing himself over our family. RedditArchive Would you choose divorce in my situation? Does divorce worth it when marriage is open Feb 25, 2026 I had a long talk with my husband this morning before leaving for work, and now I’m trying to decide what’s best for me and my kids. I’m very emotional so please be gentle . This morning his girlfriend texted him about his decision and joked that she should adjust their meetup schedule according to her fertile days, and said she is so excited to try for a baby with him . I asked him the same question: what is your decision? He said he decided that he wants to have a baby with her and will figure out a routine so that everything works out the same. I told him that in that case, I’m filing for divorce. He asked me, “Why? What are you trying to achieve? You can leave and then only see the kids 50% of the time. It will cost us a lot of money in legal fees. You’ll go from a nice house with your kids to a small apartment near your work. To achieve what? You already can see other people. What would divorce bring you? What’s the benefit for you?” He said that whether we divorce or not, the baby will happen. He also said he won’t neglect any of his responsibilities toward our kids or me because he’ll have a new baby. According to him, the most logical solution would be to tell the kids about Sarah when she gets pregnant and explain that they will have a half sibling. He wants to come clean and just continue with our lives. I got very emotional and said I don’t want her in my life. He said she wouldn’t be part of my life and that he could arrange visitations with Sarah and the baby so that he goes there instead of her baby coming to our house. He kept saying that this way everything would be open and honest, the kids would be informed, and they could even meet the future baby. He said there is literally zero benefit to divorce since our marriage is already open, aside from draining our bank account. I’m very emotional right now and planning to speak to a lawyer to get advice. Has anyone dealt with a situation like this My final update Apr 21, 2026 I have been getting many DMs. Here is the final update : 1- I met with an attorney but decided to stay and work things out 2- I have been seeing a therapist who is very familiar with ENM 3- Sarah got pregnant almost immediately ( yes I gave my husband consent but also told him if it affects our life I will be gone ). She is due end of November 4- she and my husband had a long talk . She is moving back to Canada to be closer to her sister. In fact her moving day is soon and my husband is helping her. He will be with her after she gives birth. She told my husband that once the baby is older she would like to start to date to get married so she will break up with my husband. My husband understood because he has zero plan to end our marriage. Even if I leave Sarah has no interest in being a parent to our kids so it’s for the best. Sarah wants my husband to be in kid’s life ( occasional visits, FaceTime and stuff ) 5- my youngest is very excited. My oldest at first got really mad but now told my husband he wants nothing to do with the baby which my husband respects 6- my in laws are confused lol my mil hopes she finally gets a grand daughter Overall life is good :) thank you FINAL COMMENTS lulu_x_i|26 Why did you decide to give your consent in the end? The whole situation seemed really tense and your husband was quite unfair in his treatment of you (insisting on it after telling you it was your choice, pressuring you together with his girlfriend and already telling her yes, telling the children/in-laws against your wishes and making it out like it’s „your fault“). You gave your consent and he did it straight away? Did he give you some kind of reassurance? Did he take care of you/your feelings and the marriage (he seemed way more invested in his relationship with his girlfriend)? How can you be sure they will keep the boundaries they have set now? Will the children be in the baby’s life? Will you provide help your our older child who seems to be struggling with the whole situation? If you’re MIL is exited for a granddaughter does that mean they will be involved with the baby and Sarah going forward? Sorry, that’s a lot of questions but your situation stayed with me for a long time and I still can’t wrap my head around it. You don’t owe anyone (much less strangers) an explanation but I really hope you’re actually alright and are doing what’s best for you. Anyway, I wish you the best. OOP No I thought about it a lot . I told my husband he has my consent as long as our life stays the same . My husband is a firefighter so he works 24 hour shifts a few days a month and rest he is free so he mostly meet her when kids are at school ( beside their one weekend of the month together). My mil generally loves me but sometimes she can be too much . The good news is everytime I told my husband mil is too much he stands up for me. Yes it was my idea to open up the marriage and he didn’t cheat . He has talked to his parents again and again. He will again soon because mil lately again has become too much ..mil asked my husband if she can visit the baby and goes with my husband when Sarah gives birth . Sarah said no and beside him she doesn’t want a visitor until she is ready . Mil knows baby will be raised by Sarah alone but hope she gets to visit the baby often too . if he can’t keep the boundaries he promised to me I really have nothing to negotiate. I will leave him and he is aware of that . ~ nanaimo_couple I followed your previous posts and the outcome just seems like it's everything your husband wanted and nothing that you wanted. If you're legitimately happy then I'm glad for you, I just hope it's not a settling/coping mechanism. OOP We talked a lot . He knows if I don’t feel loved and he doesn’t meet my conditions I’m gone. Weekly therapy really help me to express my emotions better THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

If any of you bros are into it, just slide into my DMs 😎 submitted by /u/Pioneer_Industries to r/titanfall [link] [comments]

I'm going to a wedding tomorrow and I was planning on wearing my regular dark grey suit . But now my wife just mentioned that the dress code is smart casual... Wtf is that? I have a pair of black plated pants. Can I combine them with this sweater and this black shirt? And a black coat on top? (It's in Edmonton so, still chilly outside) submitted by /u/Doc-youremyonlyhope to r/mensfashion [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/SippinMia to r/OUTFITS [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/footballfriends1 Originally posted to r/relationship_advice My husband (33M) wants me (33F) to dress more revealing Trigger Warnings: internalized misogyny and body image issues Original Post: February 27, 2026 Husband and I have been together 15 years and throughout our relationship I have been a conservatively dressed frumpier woman. My clothes look good on me but it's a lot of looser fits, high necklines, sweaters, etc. I am also the mom of a toddler. Recently my husband and I went shopping with my younger sisters, who are in their mid 20s and are skinny and single. They bought stuff that suited their lifestyle. Short skirts, low necks, flashy, etc. It all looked great on them. My husband kept encouraging me to try on that kind of stuff and I politely declined. Later he told me that he would love it if I showed more skin, at least at home if not out and about. We live in the Midwest and I am cold about 9 months of the year, so I am always completely covered and wrapped in a blanket to boot. I laughed this off thinking he was just being silly. But he was very serious. We don't have the greatest sex life, being together so long and having a toddler, but it's not terrible and I do take off my clothes at that time, just not every day. I told him that scandalous clothes simply don't fit my lifestyle, but he keeps insisting I try it. I am a larger woman and the clothes he admires simply would not work for me. I'm wondering if I should just ignore his request or have another talk with him? Compromise somehow? What's the best way forward? *Tl;Dr husband wants middle aged wife to dress more revealing. Wife is uncomfortable* Editor's note: please note that many of OOP's responses were downvoted, but they provide more details Relevant Comments Commenter 1: That's really, really sad. Perhaps you need to reevaluate some things and invest in mental health support. OOP: I like my life. It's just tiring, and being tired makes me feel middle aged. It's not deeper than that. Commenter 2: Of course it’s deeper than that. No 33 year-old describes themselves as middle aged. Your husband sees a problem and is trying to get his young, sexy wife back. OOP: This is the thing. I have always dressed and looked this way. He's never had a "young, sexy wife". he's had a more elegant, casual, conservatively dressed wife. Commenter 3: you called yourself frumpy and always wrapped in a blanket, that’s not elegantly casual. OOP: lol, I guess my work/leaving the house attire is different from home attire. I'm cold! I have to stay warm in the house! It's either blankets, sweat suits, or a very thick robe. Commenter 4: Are you leaving the house often? Is your LO in day care or are you mostly at home taking care of them? OOP: We both work. I have hobbies that involve me leaving the house as well. Commenter 5: Do you and your husband go on date nights where you dress up? You don't need to dress in a way that's antithetical to your style or comfort, but it sounds like he may be expressing some desire for less frumpy middle-aged bundle mode and a bit more wife mode. How would he characterize your sex life? "Not great but not terrible" isn't exactly a ringing endorsement in the first place, but I suspect he might lean more towards terrible than great in his own estimation. Being parents of a toddler is hard, and that's why it's extra important to make sure you're nurturing the relationship as well, not just the parent side of things. That includes intimacy. Sounds like you two need to have an honest talk about your "not great" sex life and how to work on feeling more physically connected. And yeah, that might occasionally mean turning up the thermostat a bit and putting away the sweats. OOP: Dress up dates, not often, but when we go I have nice modest clothing that I wear. Our sex life is not great. His sex drive is lower than mine. I've gotten used to it Commenter 6: I think self-describing yourself as a "conservatively dressed frumpier woman" makes your husband's request sound a lot more reasonable to me. Leave the toddler out of it. You've been together for 15 years and only a had a toddler for maybe three years. That's roughly 12 years of being frumpy. No wonder your sex life suffers. Your husband wants you to be sexier, but you've basically given up. Certainly there is some middle ground between what you consider "scandalous" and "frumpy." There has to be a way that you can show off a little for your husband and still feel comfortable. OOP: I feel that he knows how I dress. It's been consistent for years. Why change now, especially now that I'm running around a toddler and am definitely older. I want to appease him but showing skin isn't practical in the winter, and tight outfits show off the postpartum body in ways I don't like. I don't know how to honor his request and feel comfortable OOP needs to get therapy to deal with her unresolved issues that she has OOP: I have been to therapy and have focused a lot on decentering my looks and the pressure to be sexy. Embracing the things I do like about myself and leaving behind what I don't. Commenter 7: 33 isn’t middle aged! Why not buy some sexy lingerie for his eyes only instead and be proactive about wearing it to bed and initiating? OOP: He doesn't like lingerie, it puts pressure on him and feels like trying too hard. He wants "casually sexy clothing". Commenter 7: Well do you like lingerie? Could that be your compromise? At least a sexy bra or something you could start by wearing under your clothes. Personally I won’t be interested in sex if I don’t feel sexy. I understand you don’t want to wear different clothes but tbh I don’t see the harm in trying something that could potentially help you feel better about yourself or feel more sexy and maybe help your sex life. And if you try it and don’t like then oh well at least you tried. I might be wrong but your post reads as if you don’t have a lot of self-confidence. The sexiest thing a woman can wear is confidence! Also I don’t think anyone would consider 33 Middle Aged that’s just madness. OOP: I don't personally like lingerie. I have a hard to find bra size so my three bras are aggressively practical. I feel pretty good about myself in the clothes I wear! I love clothes and thrive in looser fitting, colorful yet conservative wear.   Update: March 30, 2026 (one month later) Update: my husband (33M) wants me (33F) to dress more revealing I posted a little while ago about this dilemma. My husband wants me to start showing cleavage and leg while we're around the house. I have always dressed conservatively and now that I have a toddler, this feels even more impractical. So, a few days after posting, I humored him by taking him shopping. I asked him to pick out stuff that he wanted me to wear, and agreed to try them on in the dressing room. He picked out all the expected stuff. Lace camis, deep necklines. Even a few pairs of shorts and one of those ridiculous bloomer things. I tried them all on and then showed him how difficult each one would be. This top while bending to pick up toys. These shorts while changing diapers. How everything rides up and slips and would require constant adjustment. After a while of this, he backed off. Apologized. Agreed he would not ask for any of that again. Unfortunately, it appears he might have developed some kind of Madonna complex. We have not had sex since that day. He does not find my current persona sexually appealing anymore. He's dissatisfied with us having sex with the lights off, even though that's how we've always done it. So we're at a bit of a stalemate now. Is there a way we can reach a compromise that allows me to be comfortable and him to have some level of arousal? Or do we stick to the status quo? Editor's note: OOP made lots of responses, I am listing top common questions and responses Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Why not try to find a special outfit for “occasions”? I saw in your other post you keep saying you’re middle aged at 33… I’m 40 and refuse to use those words. Are you feeling ok? OOP: I am a tired mom. I've felt middle aged for a while. I feel ok but I also take antidepressants and have for many years Commenter 2: How much mental load does your husband take on? OOP: The majority. He's a great parent Commenter 3: You did not “humor” him. That implies giving things a genuine shot in good faith. It seems that your intention was to school him and show why what he wants is wrong, and to make him feel your pain. It seems to me that instead of fixating on sexy clothing as a proxy issue, you two should seek couples counseling with the aim of generally improving your sex life and communication around sex. Is this something each of you is open to? OOP: You're right. I was hurt and acted out of anger. I felt like he was asking for something so impractical and selfish that my feelings were hurt OOP on her physical shape OOP: I am a larger woman with a lot of lumps and bumps, lol. I prefer conservative items that cover my body. Commenter 4: Question - do you like your body? Do you find your body attractive and sexy aside from your husband's desire? Do you see your body as more than what it did - bear a child? Your personal style is one thing, but you seem to describe your body in a negative way and highlight what you perceive as flaws. I think this is especially common for women after pregnancy. If you don't like your body it doesn't really matter what you wear. You'll never feel comfortable because it's not about the clothes, it's about your self-image. I could be wrong, but it seems like the other things are symptoms of a much deeper root. I'd try working on that while talking with your husband. My guess is it never really occurred to him and so his request has triggered a subconscious or unspoken insecurity. OOP: I do not. I have never liked my body. Therapy has helped me see my body as a tool rather than an aesthetic thing. I focus on what it can do rather than what it looks like. I cover what displeases me and focus on what I like. I have always dressed and acted this way, even pre motherhood Commenter 5: Reading this post and then your comments about your own body is making me wonder if this is a you issue instead. You seem to be very adverse to showing off your body. Were you like this before the baby, or has pregnancy ruined your self-image? Either way, recommend some soul searching. Clearly, your husband loves you (even if his attempts to show it are misguided). You need to love you, too. OOP: I have always been this way Commenter 6: I’m curious how he dresses and if it’s appealing to you. Because most of the guys who requested I wear specific items of clothing did not dress to a standard I found appealing. OOP: He wears what he likes. I've never been invested in his looks or clothing OOP on her family OOP We both work outside the home. He is a fantastic parent and partner. Our child is around 18 months.   ----NEW UPDATE---- DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED I (33F) am trying to improve my intimate life with my husband (33M) and am struggling?: April 7, 2026 (one week later) I can't officially update per subreddit rules but I posted here a bit over a week ago about my husband wanting me to wear shorts/tanks/etc around the house and me disliking my body and wanting to cover up as much as possible. Well, my husband saw the posts and we talked about it. I have made inquiries about finding a new therapist and so that is in the works. We planned to try intimacy with a lamp on so he could see me a little. My husband was very loving and encouraging. He agreed to put the request for new wardrobe on hold while I pull myself together. And then stuff got worse. I am a hobbyist writer attempting to get a novel published (I write every day from 4 to 7 AM, it is the thing I love most in life). After two failed novels my agent officially dropped me. Now I don't just feel middle aged. I feel old and dried up and so defeated. All I have ever wanted to do is be a writer and now I'm even further than ever before. It's like, I'm not beautiful or successful or smart but I can write...now I don't even have that. So yeah. At an absolute low point. My question is, how can I take care of my marriage and my family and myself in this state? I feel like I can't lean on him because he's going through his own stuff and I don't really have anyone else to turn to either. I've kind of lost all my friends these past few years, mostly due to jealousy about everyone else's successes. My own fault. It's all my own fault.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Full disclosure I used chatGPT to remove 3 other ladies from the original picture. Hope that’s allowed! submitted by /u/Fatboyposh to r/annakendrick [link] [comments]