Swing Sets For Kids

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... practice on feast days. Each swing was analyzed immediately in his..., and demonstrated a short, tight swing that looked far more controlled... crossed. "Teaching each other to swing sticks like fools." Elias had ... more scenes with other village kids, for example a local priest's... economical side of Dunworth and kids of same age being there. .... "Don't move much, or infection sets in" she said in a ...

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... anchor yourself to surfaces and swing from them like a certain... help' is a phrase that sets off more alarm bells herabouts ... to sponsee off the streets. Kids. Star Wars: Revenge of the ...

... professional. The scenery is what sets this apart from others we... and watching the kids at the El Salto rope swing. All in all...

... passed. They're both giddy little kids again, talking all about their... belt, stuff like that. "You kids have it easy these days," ... say so myself. Just gotta swing it around a little bit ... stops just short of her, sets his weight, and draws one ...

... no idea how to properly swing right handed. I'm going to... ultimately get two brand new sets of uniforms and the school... month off the machine, and swing off the tee. We finally... the label of "the rich kids, which they weren't". I taught... my coaching time has two kids of her own now. They.... Their father is 6'4. Both kids are very big for their ...

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.... They mix power and spread sets. They challenge opponents physically. They.... This game unites alumni and kids. H3: Broadcast and Commentary Local... first drives. Score early could swing momentum. H3: Second Quarter

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... as I dodged her downward swing. I don't know what's Genesis... punching bag." I ducked a swing and tumbled backwards. "And another..., every demon of Amenth who sets foot on the planet is ... my advice to all the kids who might be watching at ...

... always do worry about their kids, even when they can't really... hydraulics shuddered and groaned to swing it open, and finally reveal... to be the match that sets things off or douse this ...

... reward form and develop the kids. But this can't be one..., the balance will need to swing more towards youth at some ... is a good move - sets Ollie & Carroll to the ...

... off or already in full swing, depending on where you’re located..., “so you could teach your kids, ‘Don’t go across the wood... play equipment and recreation areas. Swing sets, trampolines and outdoor furniture are... off or already in full swing, depending on where you're located...

... the mold of the Final Swing Spidey from NWH, only with... 2026 at most major retailers) Kids can imagine villainous action and... for even more figures, toy sets, and vehicle toys to collect...

... variety, just because a kid sets out on their own to... them, and grow. "Give your kids enough money so they can.../families who don't turn their kids into nepobabies and do have... kids who are successful adhere to ... if another family takes a swing at the guy they're be...

... nosedive and thus take a swing at him as hard as..., looking at all the curious sets of eyes that stared at ... dad smiled at him kindly. "Kids your age think they're invincible, ...

... Rollerson is kind of that swing guy for me. I can ... if there's something that the kids really need to really get ... coach, and better for the kids to understand you can't give ... taxing themselves, but working their sets and drops and the receivers ...

...The boy ran up to swing his sword, but Nerehc fought ... is his hairdo. You swing your sword like an old ...right, grabbed a vine to swing across a pit, while Nerehc ...of these people chosen, what sets them apart from others?!" "Nerehc, ...it, and Truman had to swing the handles to get to ...would topple over if the kids stepped in front. Alyak and ...and four preborn lives." The kids grabbed two fish from bowls, ...

... used to beg me to swing all through Geneva with her... of a wife and three kids on vacation to the happiest... gear, paperwork for the three sets of replacement parts for the ...

... still alive in Cleveland coaching kids. Klein made a sound. She..., scattered across the floor. Hinge sets. Door hardware. A stack of... stone at speed. A missed swing, or a follow-through that carried...

The evil Empire has fallen but Imperial warlords remain scattered throughout the galaxy. As the fledgling New Republic works to protect everything the Rebellion fought for, they enlist the help of legendary Mandalorian bounty hunter Din Djarin and his young apprentice Grogu. Director: Jon Favreau Cast: Pedro Pascal, Sigourney Weaver, Martin Scorsese, Jeremy Allen White, Hemky Madera Rotten Tomatoes: 60% Metacritic: 54 / 100 Some Reviews (updating): Nerdist - Rotem Rusak - 4 / 5 Ultimately, to me, there’s just something that feels kind about this movie. Not kind in that it’s only sunshine and roses, but kind to its viewers, who are probably living hard, stressful lives, who just want to go the movie theater and enjoy a film that takes them on a sweeping space adventure. The good guys get good things, the bad guys get their due, and just the barest bit of the bittersweetness of life looms in the ether to give it all a bit of poignancy. Total Film - Fay Watson - 3 / 5 There are some cameos as Clone Wars and Rebels characters get woven into the narrative. But there's nothing radical for the franchise here. And while that's not a problem in itself, it means that The Mandalorian and Grogu isn't the Star Wars cinematic rebirth that Lucasfilm may have been hoping for. If you're happy to while away a few hours with Din Djarin and Grogu, you'll love it – just don't go in expecting much more. DiscussingFilm - Andrew J. Salazar - 3 / 5 Perhaps Disney just needed something to reignite people’s interest in Star Wars after years of recovering from disaster, and Baby Yoda was the safest bet. While that could be true, Jon Favreau, Dave Filoni, and company could have challenged themselves further. If nothing else, Star Wars fans have another incredible score from 3x Oscar-winner Ludwig Göransson to dive into. Consequence - Liz Shannon Miller - 'B' Without any new developments, what we’re left with is a collection of side quests largely connected by cameos, without any of the narrative momentum that has made past Star Wars projects into must-see events. It’s not the Star Wars anyone over the age of 25 grew up with, and the muted excitement for Mando and son’s return reflects that. At least Baby Yoda — sorry, Grogu — is still the cutest. AV Club - Jesse Hassenger - 'B' Indeed, The Mandalorian & Grogu is almost aggressively anti-thematic, preferring to keep even its most obvious parenting metaphors muted and largely unexplored. The movie wants to show you a good time, and it does. Some of its creatures even have some semblance of soul. The “why” of its pivot away from human expression, however, remains opaque, with sinister undertones: Is this mask-and-puppet show a preventative measure to insulate filmmakers (or parent companies) from the uncomfortable but inevitable situation of beloved actors aging (or dying) out of their signature roles? Did they cut that line about Din being outlived because Star Wars itself has become as frightened of death as Anakin? Then again, the series has always had a rich tradition of imbuing potentially lifeless objects with weird humanity, and Favreau and Filoni have extended that process with Grogu. They’re still just franchising within the lines. For now, this is the way. The Independent - Clarisse Loughrey - 2 / 5 While the first season of The Mandalorian did well to Star Wars-ise western genre tropes – with Ludwig Göransson’s synths, each cascading note sharpened to a blade’s edge, doing much of the heavy work there and here – The Mandalorian and Grogu feels comparatively bored by its own allusions to gangster cinema. A smooth-talking kingpin hides away in a luxury compound that looks like a big Tesco, while the later emergence of a deadly hitman is merely a CGI replica of a character from Filoni’s own animated Clone Wars stories (as is Rotta). IGN - Tom Jorgensen - 5 / 10 This is not the way. The Mandalorian and Grogu dutifully offers another two hours and change of watching Din Djarin and his adorable green son fly to some planets and clear out rooms of monsters or gangsters every 20 minutes or so. But this is a Star Wars movie missing the thrills, the surprises, the challenges, the addition of really anything of note to the franchise, not to mention a vested interest in seeing its characters grow and change. Next Best Picture - Giovanni Lago - 4 / 10 Now, the franchise is at a tipping point, and “The Mandalorian and Grogu” is debatably a coin toss between the remnants of the Kathleen Kennedy-era of Lucasfilm and the launch of Filoni’s creative reign. What’s present here is one of the most visually horrid and banal “Star Wars” creations to date. Is the allure of getting children in a theater to see Grogu enough to keep this franchise afloat and, more importantly, on the big screen? Who’s to say, but if it’s any indication of what the next decade of storytelling for the “Star Wars” universe will be, then we’re in deep trouble. ComingSoon - Jonathan Sim - 5 / 10 What we’re left with is a low-stakes Star Wars movie. There’s no planet-killing Death Star, no Starkiller Base, no big battles. Every other Star Wars film has at least one standout sequence. I felt more watching the Battle of Exegol in The Rise of Skywalker than I did during this film. Even other stand-alone movies like Solo: A Star Wars Story, which also didn’t concern itself with lightsabers or the Rebels, had moments like the Kessel Run set piece that really stood out. Nothing stands out here in The Mandalorian and Grogu, as it’s a generic, safe Star Wars movie. Inverse - Hoai-Tran Bui The Mandalorian and Grogu Is Barely A Movie. This is for Star Wars fans who have made the Cantina scene their entire personalities. It’s a CGI creatures extravaganza, offering distinct worlds — here, a cyberpunky crime planet, or a swamp planet filled with Henson puppet creatures — and action figures masquerading as characters, for you to imagine mashing together. Maybe that was the nature of The Mandalorian all along, but on the big screen, it’s all the more glaringly obvious. Silver Screen Riot - Matt Oakes - 'F' To come off (something like Andor) and watch The Mandalorian and Grogu feels like a slap in the face. While Andor reached for the stars, this scoops the fetid muck from the bottom of the bantha pen. It is offensive because it dares to be nothing. This depressing coup de grâce may have effectively killed my love of Star Wars going forward. This is not the way. Little White Lies - Kambole Campbell - 2 / 5 Beyond occasionally marvelling at the lively work of the puppeteers, there’s not a lot to hold on to in The Mandalorian & Grogu, not even the supposed father and son connection between its marquee characters. As the story returns things to status quo, it’s hard to think of what has even changed between the two, what they might have learned about each other, and if the filmmakers will ever be an interest in finding out. The Independent - Clarisse Loughrey - 2 / 5 While the first season of The Mandalorian did well to Star Wars-ise western genre tropes – with Ludwig Göransson’s synths, each cascading note sharpened to a blade’s edge, doing much of the heavy work there and here – The Mandalorian and Grogu feels comparatively bored by its own allusions to gangster cinema. A smooth-talking kingpin hides away in a luxury compound that looks like a big Tesco, while the later emergence of a deadly hitman is merely a CGI replica of a character from Filoni’s own animated Clone Wars stories (as is Rotta). The Telegraph - Robbie Collin - 2 / 5 It’s a curate’s egg of a film, and its utterly scrambled quality control may be best summed up by a second-act shot of Grogu, Pascal and Rotta lined up, spying over the crest of a sand dune. One alien looks alive and delightful, the other looks like a giant computer-generated bullfrog, and then there’s Pascal with a shiny bucket on his head. When Disney paid George Lucas $4bn for Star Wars in 2012, I’m not sure either side was dreaming of this. Associated Press - Mark Kennedy - 2 / 5 The “Star Wars” franchise once led the culture with its imagery, swagger and style. But this movie is a step back, formulaic and aping “Top Gun,” “Blade Runner,” “Transformers” and “Men in Black.” Even Ludwig Göransson’s score is off, marred by cheap-sounding ‘80s synthetic chirps along with what sounded like Yiddish folk ditties. The runtime saps energy and when it’s all done, the scrolling credits for all those special effects goes on a full five minutes. You used to leave a new “Star Wars” movie on a cloud. Here, that galaxy is far, far away. Digital Spy - Ian Sandwell - 2 / 5 There's nothing wrong with the idea of a standalone Star Wars adventure. It's blockbuster season, we just want to be entertained. The problem for The Mandalorian and Grogu is that it's just not that entertaining. IndieWire - Kate Erbland - 'C+' None of these problems are particularly new, not in a world in which franchise expansion requires both more more more and an entry point for even the most casual of fans. Still, there’s something that feels small about this particular story, charming enough in the moment and almost instantly forgettable the moment the credits roll. It feels disposable. It feels like, well, what most things feel like these days: content. It’s time to ask for more. That is The Way. IGN - Tom Jorgensen - 5 / 10 This is not the way. The Mandalorian and Grogu dutifully offers another two hours and change of watching Din Djarin and his adorable green son fly to some planets and clear out rooms of monsters or gangsters every 20 minutes or so. But this is a Star Wars movie missing the thrills, the surprises, the challenges, the addition of really anything of note to the franchise, not to mention a vested interest in seeing its characters grow and change. Next Best Picture - Giovanni Lago - 4 / 10 Now, the franchise is at a tipping point, and “The Mandalorian and Grogu” is debatably a coin toss between the remnants of the Kathleen Kennedy-era of Lucasfilm and the launch of Filoni’s creative reign. What’s present here is one of the most visually horrid and banal “Star Wars” creations to date. Is the allure of getting children in a theater to see Grogu enough to keep this franchise afloat and, more importantly, on the big screen? Who’s to say, but if it’s any indication of what the next decade of storytelling for the “Star Wars” universe will be, then we’re in deep trouble. Slash Film - Jeremy Mathai - 4 / 10 Is this really what "Star Wars" has become? Maybe that misbegotten Budweiser Super Bowl "trailer" was actually the film's most honest and accurate piece of marketing all along: a shallow, shamelessly corporate commercial to move some merch. There have been worse movies before and there will inevitably be worse ones to come. This sure feels like the most boring, though — one whose philosophy seems to be that you can't swing and miss if you never bother taking the bat off your shoulders. That might be its greatest sin of all. InSession Film - Benjamin Miller - 'D' The film is shiny and predictable, the score is familiar, the script is meaningless, and the performances are what they are. There is nothing to hang your hat on, besides it being a Star Wars film. If it didn’t have that franchise attached to it, there would be zero reason to keep your interest.The Mandalorian and Grogu is a major disappointment. Never before has Star Wars felt so pointless and skippable. For a franchise with such monumental highs, this is a staggering low. Collider - Aidan Kelly - 6 / 10 Is The Mandalorian and Grogu the worst Star Wars film ever made? Far from it, as there is much fun to be had here. Is it the best in the franchise? Also not the case, as it could very well be the most forgettable and inconsequential entry the franchise has produced yet. Andor, Maul - Shadow Lord, The Acolyte, Visions, and especially the earliest seasons of The Mandalorian proved that Star Wars can be so much more than a few gunfights and starship battles. In the right conditions, it can be a truly unforgettable cinematic experience, even when the movie isn't that good. The Mandalorian and Grogu are neither great nor awful, and that's what makes it one of the galaxy far, far away's most frustrating The Bulwark - Sonny Bunch The bottom line: Two things may be simultaneously true. I think my kids, for whom this picture is designed, are going to enjoy The Mandalorian and Grogu, and maybe quite a bit; and I think it plays like a couple of mid-tier episodes from the TV series. As such, I’m not sure it’s the rousing hit Disney needs to rekindle the moviegoing experience for the Star Wars franchise. But it’s probably good enough for a generation that has yet to experience the joy of Star Wars on the big screen. submitted by /u/ChiefLeef22 to r/StarWars [link] [comments]

The evil Empire has fallen but Imperial warlords remain scattered throughout the galaxy. As the fledgling New Republic works to protect everything the Rebellion fought for, they enlist the help of legendary Mandalorian bounty hunter Din Djarin and his young apprentice Grogu. Director: Jon Favreau Cast: Pedro Pascal, Sigourney Weaver, Martin Scorsese, Jeremy Allen White, Hemky Madera Rotten Tomatoes: 60% Metacritic: 54 / 100 Some Reviews (updating): Nerdist - Rotem Rusak - 4 / 5 Ultimately, to me, there’s just something that feels kind about this movie. Not kind in that it’s only sunshine and roses, but kind to its viewers, who are probably living hard, stressful lives, who just want to go the movie theater and enjoy a film that takes them on a sweeping space adventure. The good guys get good things, the bad guys get their due, and just the barest bit of the bittersweetness of life looms in the ether to give it all a bit of poignancy. Total Film - Fay Watson - 3 / 5 There are some cameos as Clone Wars and Rebels characters get woven into the narrative. But there's nothing radical for the franchise here. And while that's not a problem in itself, it means that The Mandalorian and Grogu isn't the Star Wars cinematic rebirth that Lucasfilm may have been hoping for. If you're happy to while away a few hours with Din Djarin and Grogu, you'll love it – just don't go in expecting much more. The Times - Kevin Maher - 1 / 5 Would someone please put Star Wars out of its misery? It’s an ailing pop cultural mutant, unrecognisable from the chirpy fable that George Lucas revealed to the world in 1977. DiscussingFilm - Andrew J. Salazar - 3 / 5 Perhaps Disney just needed something to reignite people’s interest in Star Wars after years of recovering from disaster, and Baby Yoda was the safest bet. While that could be true, Jon Favreau, Dave Filoni, and company could have challenged themselves further. If nothing else, Star Wars fans have another incredible score from 3x Oscar-winner Ludwig Göransson to dive into. The Guardian - Peter Bradshaw - 3 / 5 The film is watchable and barrels along capably enough, but perhaps there isn’t enough of the humanity, humour and extravagant space melodrama which has made and continues to make Star Wars lovable. Empire - John Nugent - 3 / 5 What it does slightly forget to do, though, is move the story forward in any meaningful way. Oddly, it feels like the least consequential Mandalorian chapter yet, with previous episodes from the TV incarnation — or even segments of the much-maligned Book Of Boba Fett — having more impact on the narrative. It’s thinner than skimmed blue milk, with longtime series stewards Jon Favreau (director and co-writer) and Dave Filoni (co-writer and new Galactic Emperor of the entire franchise) largely playing it safe. Perhaps after the relative disappointment of The Rise Of Skywalker, this is all it needed or was intended to be. The Mandalorian And Grogu is, primarily, For Kids, as George Lucas always insisted Star Wars was, and on those modest terms, it finds the way. Vulture - Bilge Ebiri Amazingly, the film is at its best when it really slows down: By far its most compelling part involves a strange mid-movie interlude when the action stops entirely and all we witness is the somber spectacle of one character taking care of another. I won’t give away what this actually entails, but it does allow the puppetry of Grogu to shine and briefly reminds us of the wide-canvas irreverence that Favreau (Iron Man, Jungle Book, Made) once seemed capable of. But then the segment is over, and it’s on to the next thing. The Mandalorian and Grogu continues the story of the Star Wars spinoff series The Mandalorian, and it often feels like several Very Special Episodes of a TV show stitched together. These characters will presumably return in another season of the series, but for now, the movie will serve as a placeholder and little else. As someone who happily watched The Ewok Adventure and Ewoks: The Battle for Endor on TV as a child, I can’t really fault any superfans, especially younger ones, for getting excited about it. But I can wish it were better. Looper - Reuben Baron - 4 / 10 You can add a point or two to my review score if you treat this as just a long, fairly minor episode of the TV show. But this movie is meant to revitalize Star Wars in theaters, so its being judged on that scale. These movies have always had risk and ambition, at their best and at their worst, so something so bereft of that can't help but feel a bit disheartening, not to mention boring. Consequence - Liz Shannon Miller - 'B' Without any new developments, what we’re left with is a collection of side quests largely connected by cameos, without any of the narrative momentum that has made past Star Wars projects into must-see events. It’s not the Star Wars anyone over the age of 25 grew up with, and the muted excitement for Mando and son’s return reflects that. At least Baby Yoda — sorry, Grogu — is still the cutest. AV Club - Jesse Hassenger - 'B' Indeed, The Mandalorian & Grogu is almost aggressively anti-thematic, preferring to keep even its most obvious parenting metaphors muted and largely unexplored. The movie wants to show you a good time, and it does. Some of its creatures even have some semblance of soul. The “why” of its pivot away from human expression, however, remains opaque, with sinister undertones: Is this mask-and-puppet show a preventative measure to insulate filmmakers (or parent companies) from the uncomfortable but inevitable situation of beloved actors aging (or dying) out of their signature roles? Did they cut that line about Din being outlived because Star Wars itself has become as frightened of death as Anakin? Then again, the series has always had a rich tradition of imbuing potentially lifeless objects with weird humanity, and Favreau and Filoni have extended that process with Grogu. They’re still just franchising within the lines. For now, this is the way. The Playlist - Rodrigo Perez - 'C' “Star Wars” fans have spent years complaining that Kathleen Kennedy ruined Lucasfilm, but the reality looks broader and more dispiriting than one executive. This feels like a collective mistake, with Disney brass included: the dilution of a brand once defined by magical movie scale, mythical qualities, and a transportive emotional sweep. Somewhere along the way, “Star Wars” started mistaking brand extension for imagination and fan service for feeling. If Favreau and Filoni are the new stewards of this franchise, then the once-mighty galaxy probably has a bad feeling about its future. Because right now, it feels like it’s dangling over Cloud City, hand gone, saber lost, and no rescue in sight. Because this is definitely not the way. The Film Maven - Kristen Lopez - 'C' There's a lot that works against The Mandalorian and Grogu. The plot is non-existent and it really does feel like a fully CGI movie. But when it's just Mando and Grogu going from A to B it's such a sweet story. Add to that a desire to just let a lot of kooky puppets run around for a little bit – there's a real Jim Henson vibe – and it's a movie that is more than worth seeing with the kids (or anyone just looking for a cute vibe). It's a lovable mess, but it works. ComingSoon - Jonathan Sim - 5 / 10 What we’re left with is a low-stakes Star Wars movie. There’s no planet-killing Death Star, no Starkiller Base, no big battles. Every other Star Wars film has at least one standout sequence. I felt more watching the Battle of Exegol in The Rise of Skywalker than I did during this film. Even other stand-alone movies like Solo: A Star Wars Story, which also didn’t concern itself with lightsabers or the Rebels, had moments like the Kessel Run set piece that really stood out. Nothing stands out here in The Mandalorian and Grogu, as it’s a generic, safe Star Wars movie. Inverse - Hoai-Tran Bui The Mandalorian and Grogu Is Barely A Movie. This is for Star Wars fans who have made the Cantina scene their entire personalities. It’s a CGI creatures extravaganza, offering distinct worlds — here, a cyberpunky crime planet, or a swamp planet filled with Henson puppet creatures — and action figures masquerading as characters, for you to imagine mashing together. Maybe that was the nature of The Mandalorian all along, but on the big screen, it’s all the more glaringly obvious. Silver Screen Riot - Matt Oakes - 'F' To come off (something like Andor) and watch The Mandalorian and Grogu feels like a slap in the face. While Andor reached for the stars, this scoops the fetid muck from the bottom of the bantha pen. It is offensive because it dares to be nothing. This depressing coup de grâce may have effectively killed my love of Star Wars going forward. This is not the way. Little White Lies - Kambole Campbell - 2 / 5 Beyond occasionally marvelling at the lively work of the puppeteers, there’s not a lot to hold on to in The Mandalorian & Grogu, not even the supposed father and son connection between its marquee characters. As the story returns things to status quo, it’s hard to think of what has even changed between the two, what they might have learned about each other, and if the filmmakers will ever be an interest in finding out. The Independent - Clarisse Loughrey - 2 / 5 While the first season of The Mandalorian did well to Star Wars-ise western genre tropes – with Ludwig Göransson’s synths, each cascading note sharpened to a blade’s edge, doing much of the heavy work there and here – The Mandalorian and Grogu feels comparatively bored by its own allusions to gangster cinema. A smooth-talking kingpin hides away in a luxury compound that looks like a big Tesco, while the later emergence of a deadly hitman is merely a CGI replica of a character from Filoni’s own animated Clone Wars stories (as is Rotta). The Telegraph - Robbie Collin - 2 / 5 It’s a curate’s egg of a film, and its utterly scrambled quality control may be best summed up by a second-act shot of Grogu, Pascal and Rotta lined up, spying over the crest of a sand dune. One alien looks alive and delightful, the other looks like a giant computer-generated bullfrog, and then there’s Pascal with a shiny bucket on his head. When Disney paid George Lucas $4bn for Star Wars in 2012, I’m not sure either side was dreaming of this. Associated Press - Mark Kennedy - 2 / 5 The “Star Wars” franchise once led the culture with its imagery, swagger and style. But this movie is a step back, formulaic and aping “Top Gun,” “Blade Runner,” “Transformers” and “Men in Black.” Even Ludwig Göransson’s score is off, marred by cheap-sounding ‘80s synthetic chirps along with what sounded like Yiddish folk ditties. The runtime saps energy and when it’s all done, the scrolling credits for all those special effects goes on a full five minutes. You used to leave a new “Star Wars” movie on a cloud. Here, that galaxy is far, far away. Digital Spy - Ian Sandwell - 2 / 5 There's nothing wrong with the idea of a standalone Star Wars adventure. It's blockbuster season, we just want to be entertained. The problem for The Mandalorian and Grogu is that it's just not that entertaining. IndieWire - Kate Erbland - 'C+' None of these problems are particularly new, not in a world in which franchise expansion requires both more more more and an entry point for even the most casual of fans. Still, there’s something that feels small about this particular story, charming enough in the moment and almost instantly forgettable the moment the credits roll. It feels disposable. It feels like, well, what most things feel like these days: content. It’s time to ask for more. That is The Way. IGN - Tom Jorgensen - 5 / 10 This is not the way. The Mandalorian and Grogu dutifully offers another two hours and change of watching Din Djarin and his adorable green son fly to some planets and clear out rooms of monsters or gangsters every 20 minutes or so. But this is a Star Wars movie missing the thrills, the surprises, the challenges, the addition of really anything of note to the franchise, not to mention a vested interest in seeing its characters grow and change. Next Best Picture - Giovanni Lago - 4 / 10 Now, the franchise is at a tipping point, and “The Mandalorian and Grogu” is debatably a coin toss between the remnants of the Kathleen Kennedy-era of Lucasfilm and the launch of Filoni’s creative reign. What’s present here is one of the most visually horrid and banal “Star Wars” creations to date. Is the allure of getting children in a theater to see Grogu enough to keep this franchise afloat and, more importantly, on the big screen? Who’s to say, but if it’s any indication of what the next decade of storytelling for the “Star Wars” universe will be, then we’re in deep trouble. Slash Film - Jeremy Mathai - 4 / 10 Is this really what "Star Wars" has become? Maybe that misbegotten Budweiser Super Bowl "trailer" was actually the film's most honest and accurate piece of marketing all along: a shallow, shamelessly corporate commercial to move some merch. There have been worse movies before and there will inevitably be worse ones to come. This sure feels like the most boring, though — one whose philosophy seems to be that you can't swing and miss if you never bother taking the bat off your shoulders. That might be its greatest sin of all. InSession Film - Benjamin Miller - 'D' The film is shiny and predictable, the score is familiar, the script is meaningless, and the performances are what they are. There is nothing to hang your hat on, besides it being a Star Wars film. If it didn’t have that franchise attached to it, there would be zero reason to keep your interest.The Mandalorian and Grogu is a major disappointment. Never before has Star Wars felt so pointless and skippable. For a franchise with such monumental highs, this is a staggering low. Collider - Aidan Kelly - 6 / 10 Is The Mandalorian and Grogu the worst Star Wars film ever made? Far from it, as there is much fun to be had here. Is it the best in the franchise? Also not the case, as it could very well be the most forgettable and inconsequential entry the franchise has produced yet. Andor, Maul - Shadow Lord, The Acolyte, Visions, and especially the earliest seasons of The Mandalorian proved that Star Wars can be so much more than a few gunfights and starship battles. In the right conditions, it can be a truly unforgettable cinematic experience, even when the movie isn't that good. The Mandalorian and Grogu are neither great nor awful, and that's what makes it one of the galaxy far, far away's most frustrating The Bulwark - Sonny Bunch The bottom line: Two things may be simultaneously true. I think my kids, for whom this picture is designed, are going to enjoy The Mandalorian and Grogu, and maybe quite a bit; and I think it plays like a couple of mid-tier episodes from the TV series. As such, I’m not sure it’s the rousing hit Disney needs to rekindle the moviegoing experience for the Star Wars franchise. But it’s probably good enough for a generation that has yet to experience the joy of Star Wars on the big screen. submitted by /u/ChiefLeef22 to r/movies [link] [comments]

I am not OOP. That is u/memoryman. Originally posted in r/Relationship_Advice, r/IAmA, and r/AskReddit Trigger warnings: child abuse, domestic violence Mood spoilers: a sad story with no resolution Editor’s Note: This is Part 2 of a multi-part saga. Please read PART 1 first for the full context of the amnesia backstory and initial relationship troubles. Picking up exactly where Part 1 left off, here is the next update and the relevant commentary. ——— 2nd Update - 1 June 2011 (28 days later) tldr: took the kids and GTFO, kids are happy and safe Can't believe it's been almost a month already... I went back and looked at where I left off with the first thread and a LOT has happened… Here's the abridged version, feel free to ask questions and I'll fill in the blanks. She was really starting to make me nervous, kept talking about how irrational and psycho I was acting and getting more and more angry. After we had a disagreement over something minor she threatened to call the cops 'like the officer told her to if i got irrational again'. Went outside and called my lawyer (hadn't met yet)… told her what was going on before she jumped in and told me to GTFO now, don't pass go, don't wait for anything, just go. Told me to get the kids and stop by the local PD and tell them my lawyer advised me to GTFO and let them know what I was doing and that it was on the advice of my attorney. Went to the PD with the intent of just letting them know what I was doing but they wanted to chat. Turns out the officer I was speaking with had been at my house that morning. He seemed suspicious and while we talked the kids colored in the other room. Turns out they talked to my son but we told the exact same version of events. The officer left me to talk with his supervisor and when he came back his demeanor had changed. He told me my wife told him a similar version of events but without the violence towards my son... essentially she said we argued, I lunged at her (I went over to check on my son) and that I chased her up the stairs and that's why she smashed my computer (I was heading the other way to check on my son again). He was pretty sympathetic at that point and just asked that we let the PD know where we would be staying in case she called and said the children were kidnapped. Ended up staying at a friend's house, they had two spare rooms and we had our own bathroom. She's a bit older than me and married but with no kids so she has a pretty nice place. First few nights the kids wouldn't sleep unless I was in the room or lying between them. Fell asleep with them the first night and woke up with both of them clinging to me. The next morning I met with my attorney and we immediately went down to the courthouse and I filed a protection order against their mom on behalf of both kids. It went surprisingly quick... the magistrate heard from me before talking to my son. My attorney said it usually takes a bit longer to convince the judge a PO is in order. Full hearing was set for the next week but until then my wife could have zero contact with the kids. That weekend I met with a local cop to drop by the house and pick up some clothes for me and the kids to find about 8 garbage bags full of our stuff in the corner of the garage. She'd thrown out a ton of our things... cloths, toys, books, medicine, you name it... and some of it was clearly mixed with garbage. I took the whole pile and threw it in my vehicle as well as anything else I could grab. The next week we filed an abuse and neglect complaint against my wife. Thursday morning we met before the final PO hearing and decided to delay that until next week and come up some sort of temporary custody agreement that we could bring to the magistrate for the initial abuse and neglect hearing (abuse and neglect is out of the juvenile court and trumps anything from the PO, which is a simple domestic court filing). My attorney hadn't met my wife before and was shocked at how unstable she was... her speech was disjointed and my attorney could tell her thought processes were all over the place. She was up and down emotionally and practically had a panic attack when we first met... that quickly turned to sobbing and then intense anger. We eventually came to a verbal agreement but not until both attorneys told my wife she was being completely unreasonable and the magistrate could force an agreement down her throat if need be. The agreement was to get the kids back in the house and have my parents come down to stay with them until the hearing but come next for the initial abuse and neglect hearing my wife said she's not leaving the house under any circumstances. So she stays in the house and I get full temporary custody of the kids. Even the court advocate for the kids can't believe she chose the house over fighting for visitation. My lawyer is really happy and its a big win for me but I'm running out of leave for work and now I have to find alternate housing and daycare. Before this past memorial day weekend I get an email demanding visits with both kids over the weekend. The agreement was that they would be supervised, short and the court advocate would be involved for monitoring as well. Wife goes ballistic when I push back and says I'm violating a court order, etc. I explain that none of the required people have met the kids let alone talked to any of us about scheduling visits. On top of that both kids, especially my son, have been vocal about not wanting to see her. My son is extremely angry with her as am I. The more we've been away from her the more the three of us have realized how bad things were and there's nothing I won't do to protect them and make sure nothing like this ever happens again. I call my lawyer and explain what's happening and she shuts down all the talk of visits. On top of that my wife slipped and mentioned that her father was coming down to work on the house (another story) so I figured her plan was to have the kids meet her family for the first time. My wife has been estranged from her family for the last 15 years. Her mother kicked her out of the house after an argument (also slapped her up and choked her, holding her against the wall as she took her house keys from her) and she has had zero contact with them until I left with the kids. Now they've fully reconciled and she thought it would be a great idea to introduce the kids to grandparents they've never met during the same visit with a mother that abused and neglected them. Its insane that she still hasn't had a mental evaluation and the kids and I have been in therapy the last three weeks. FYI I got a clean bill of mental health from my psych dr and he's not even recommending meds. Thinks I'm doing extraordinarily well considering everything we've been through. Kids are doing pretty well, very happy and acting like kids again... but things come up that let me know we have plenty to deal with. So the next thing we have is a pre-trial in another two months unless my wife negotiates some plea and custody deal I find acceptable. Ask away, I typed this up quick and I'm sure I've left tons of things out. Thanks to all in the OP, you were immensely valuable in keeping me sane and keeping the kids safe. Comments Have a plan in place to prevent kidnapping. I've been on leave, driving them to/from school every day. I take random routes, I have a lot of people watching out for the kids... They're never unattended. I also gave both schools a list of authorized people who can pick them up. Turns out that was helpful as my wife told my daughter's principal that the PO had expired and she was coming to pick her up. Principal wouldn't release my daughter to her, as the PO was still in effect for several more days. She wasn’t very happy that my wife lied to her. I was stunned to find out she'd been calling the schools to ask about the kids. The staff just told her they weren't there. I informed my lawyer of everything. At this point I want as little contact between my wife and kids as possible. I don't trust her with my daughter at all, she was much nicer to her in the last month before we left and it did a nice job of confusing the hell out of the poor girl. She actually said to me at one point "daddy, mommy was nice to me today". What are the authorities and lawyers saying? The system (child services & juvenile court) is moving slow but my lawyers know my wife is in extremely bad shape legally. They also believe that my wife has no clue as to how serious the situation is. There's contradictions all over the fucking place but it won't matter unless this goes to trial. The sad thing is that by default everyone believes the shit coming out of her mouth and then I (the irrational psycho husband) have to defend shit that has nothing to do with her charges. But once I explain, everyone does see the contradictions and discrepancies in her story. I just want to get everyone in a room and have them ask the kids: when was the last time she hugged or kissed you, when was the last time she said something nice to you, what happened when you made a mistake at home, who made your meals, who did you go to when you needed something, what happened when you asked mommy for something? And fuck me if another person tells me that the kids need their mother, and for their sake we (I) need to work hard to fix this. I gave everything I had and more and it was never enough, all I got for years of effort was blame and guilt. fuck everything about this. What relationship issues did you have before she got sick? Oh boy. Where to start? She was and is extremely self-centered/selfish and lacking in empathy. That affected just about everything to some degree. She wasn't always like that though. She used to be the most positive, optimistic, hopeful, kind person I ever knew. The old her never would’ve hit our kids. But when she essentially divorced herself from her side of the family, she began to change. I believe she has some major self esteem issues but she hides them exceedingly well. She's gorgeous, but while she sees the reactions she gets, I don't think she truly believes it. But that doesn't stop her from using her looks to get what she wants from people. She’s spent much more time focusing on her appearance in the last two years. I think she was getting really worried about her looks and figure deteriorating. A big issue for me pre-illness was her tendency to blame. She'd rather blame and berate someone instead of moving forward and fixing the problem. Apologizing became worthless, I'd get ripped to shreds for even making the mistake. She has some major, fundamental issues besides the anger and violence. I think she was having a nuclear mid-life crisis and the illness just accelerated and intensified it. She was struggling with who she was beforehand. Identifying as a mother was becoming a problem and she desperately wanted to get back to work full time. Your wife clearly needs to see a professional. She flat out refused to see anyone - a family therapist, marriage counselor, psychiatrist, you name it - she refused and deflected. She even lied on the little psych tests the neurologist gave her. But no one with authority will even force her to get an evaluation. She might have trouble recognizing how sick she is now, but she had plenty of chances and wanted nothing to do with it. She couldn't get over how unfair it was... she honestly felt like she shouldn't have to change or do anything different or adapt. I do feel bad for her but I had to get out, she was getting more and more irrational and at the end, violent. While she looks and sounds like my wife, it's not her. I don't know if it’s physical, chemical or mental at this point, but she refuses to get help. Do you think you could ever trust her again, like if she tried to get better? A friend asked me this too. What would I do if my wife got treatment and showed massive improvement? I honestly doubt it’ll ever come to that. Based on her current behavior and her friends and family seemingly believing every word of her version of events, I have little confidence she's going to get the help she needs. Still, if she did try, would I reconcile? Would I welcome her back into the kid's lives? Right now, no. And I can't see how anything could change that. I don't see her as the enemy but I don't think I can ever trust her to be around me or the kids again. I feel so completely taken advantage of, so manipulated and used that even if she got better and apologized, I don't know if I could trust her again. I don't know if the woman she was before her illness is someone we should be around either. I don't know what normal is for her. Do you think of yourself as someone she abused? It feels odd saying this but yes, I think so. It’s taken some time to realize but I try not to think about how deep and to what extent the abuse went. I don't even know if I can understand or fathom what a healthy relationship is like. And that kinda scares me. I was so focused on protecting the kids I don't think I realized how much of a verbal beating I was taking. I know it's my fault for taking the abuse but I can already see how much I don't trust people and how guarded I am (and have been). Now that I’m away from her, this is the first time in many, many years I don't feel like a worthless husband and father. How are the kids? The kids have been great. My close friends and family can't believe how different they act and how much happier they are since we left. They seem like kids again. At the same time, they’re showing signs of beginning to process what happened. My daughter drew this nice picture of a house and said it was for me, her and her brother but no mommies. That felt like a cross between a punch in the gut and the air being sucked from my lungs. I can't begin to imagine what it’s like for a little girl to process what her mom has said and done to her. Last week I had the radio playing as I drove the kids to school and The Beastie Boys song "You Gotta Fight" came on... I went to change it as I thought they wouldn't want to hear it but my daughter asked me to turn it back, which I did. I think that song will be our anthem, my daughter asked me to turn it up three times. Both of them laughed as I sang along and I couldn't help but think how appropriately defiant the song was. What if she tries to win you back? From what she told a mutual friend (grain of salt) she didn't know why I left and was expecting me to come home with the kids. She'd go from that to shrieking like a banshee on the phone - demanding that i act like an adult, give my wedding ring to her, sell the house so she can get her cut, etc. She asked twice before I left when she could start seeing other people. I just shook my head and said I couldn't believe that was what she was concerned with. It seems to be driving her crazy (no pun intended) that she can't push my buttons and manipulate me like she did before. She really seems to feed off manipulation and control. Don’t go back to her. No worries about that. It was a bit unsettling when I realized I don't miss her at all. Not that there wasn't anything good about her or the relationship at certain points but she isn't the person I fell in love with and even then i've realized how one sided our relationship was. I think I've been grieving for awhile. But I'm so focused on and busy with the kids I haven't had much time for pity parties - or guilt for that matter ——— Mini Update - Comment by OOP in the AskReddit thread What’s your personal FML story? - 22 August 2011 (3 months later) LTTP but here you go: Wife of 12+ years gets a viral infection in her brain, loses all of her memory both long and short term. Starts to recover, think we're past the hard part then the seizures start. Mood changes drastically, personality was already slightly different. Gets mean, starts resenting the kids and me, starts blaming us for everything. Starts abusing us both physically and emotionally. I try to get her help but she only blames us more. I finally take the kids and leave. My attorney says its some of the worst she's seen in her 20+ year career. Children's Services does no interviews, I meet the caseworker once and she writes a "report" that says my son and I made it all up. All during this, my wife, who was going to divorce me and leave the kids with me, decides she's a good mom and wants the kids. Since she's in the house and needs to make me pay for betraying her she racks up $5K on the credit credit we agreed to let her use for food and such. I have the kids and they're safe but I'm at a friends sleeping on the floor with little clothes. Bank account is wiped out. Legal bills mounting. Found a new place to live after a few months because judge wouldn't let us back into the house. So, I don't know who this woman is but she's hell bent on destroying me in every way possible. I'm actually doing pretty well with all of it and the kids are doing much better, I understand shit happens and while I'm doing everything I can to protect myself and the kids, there's too much room in the system to fuck with someone if you want to... and she is. Hard to grieve when the other person is doing shit that makes hate an easy emotion... don't even know who I am at this point. I didn't realize how much I'd been stifling who I was because of the abuse. Kids are the #1 focus, I'll deal with my shit later, I just want to make sure I'm a decent role model and set an example of normalcy. No bashing mom, no complaining about shit, just deal with what you're dealt the best you can. So yeah, FML right now... There's no sugar coating it, it sucks worst than anything I could ever imagine. But without a shadow of a doubt I know I did the right thing. I can sleep at night, I don't know how she can. ——— 2nd Mini Update - Comment by OOP in the AskReddit thread What is your living situation? - 2 September 2011 (1 week later) Been living in a friend's spare bedroom with my two kids the last four months. Next week we finally move into a two bedroom apartment. ——— 3rd Mini Update - Comment by OOP in the AskReddit thread What was rock bottom in your life? - 1 October 2011 (1 month later) Still in the middle of it. I'm optimistic but it still hurts worse than anything I could imagine. Constantly swinging between intense anger and sadness and trying to hold it together for the kids. We've lost everything. House, belongings, money. But I don't care because the kids are safe. Just realized that first post is less than half of the story, and there's a second submission where things blown up and I turned to reddit for help. I ll try to find it when I get back. ——— Final Mini Update - Comment by OOP on his old post - 1 October 2011 (1 month later) I am just getting ready to post a big update. Shit has gotten worse but should begin quieting down for a while. The trial isn't for a bit yet. [Editor's Note: This is the last we hear from OP. Although his profile is still up, there is no definitive conclusion to this story.] ——— Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. submitted by /u/ToiIetGhost to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT Original OP — OOP is u/motherofpete posting in r/Mommit Editor's note: SAHM means stay-at-home mom ——————————————— [Original | January 30th, 2025] Seriously considering quitting my six figure corporate job to be SAHM - seeking opinions I am a FTM (Editor's note: first-time mother) of a 9 month old boy. For a long time I struggled with the decision of whether or not to have children; at the top of my mind was that I derive a lot of my self worth from my career. Looking back, I think what I was truly trying to grapple with was subconsciously knowing that having children would completely shift my priorities and worldview and I would inevitably be faced with the dilemma of choosing between my children and my career, and knowing in my bones that my children would come first. Before I get into my situation - I know that there are TONS of moms out there that can do it all and that it’s absolutely possible to be an amazing successful working mother. I think what I am coming to terms with is that the mother I am while I am working is not the type of mother that I want to be. Some background - I come from a lower middle class family. My dad was self-employed while I was growing up and my mom stayed home to take care of my siblings and I. There were a lot of material things we did not have, but we never went without anything we needed and had abundant love. We were on government assistance for a bit, but I didn’t know that until I became an adult. I started working when I was 15 and since then I have always been able to buy what I want, when I want. I worked really hard in school and got a full scholarship to college. I moved out at 18 and worked while in school and had a ton of amazing opportunities in college. After I graduated I started my career in the finance/accounting world, and I have been at a company for the past 8 years where I now make 6 figures in a flexible WFH job where I am very comfortable and love my coworkers and the company I work for. I would say I derive the most satisfaction out of being good at my job and making good money, and not really the actual work that I do. I’m not passionate about accounting and when I try to envision my career 5-10 years down the line, I couldn’t really tell you what my aspirations are because I’m not particularly excited about what I do. I do, however, love that I never have to worry about strict budgeting and not being able to afford things I want to buy (nothing crazy, just like if I want to go out to eat with friends or buy a luxury skincare product or something I know I don’t have to worry about not having the money for it). I also look at my parents financial situation and they were not able to save for retirement, so that is really a source of stress for everyone and I’m fearful of ending up in that situation one day. I have been with my husband for 12 years and together we have a 9 month old son, our first child. Ever since I got pregnant I have really struggled with what to do in terms of childcare. I really put it off until after he was born and made a huge pro/con list of our different options. What I ultimately landed on that I could stomach was hiring a nanny that would take care of him while my husband and I both work from home. So we are now living in that reality of the nanny taking care of him during the day while we’re squirreled away in our offices working. I get the opportunity to see him throughout the day, but literally multiple times a day I hear him cry or see things she does that I would do differently and I just have this instinctual desire to do it myself. I just want to be home with him as his full time caretaker. I want to be the one teaching him things, taking him to the park, watching him develop. I know I have it so good in my current situation but most days it just feels like it’s not enough. I feel like I sit at my desk for 8 hours a day, soak up the few hours I have with him before and after working, and then have little time to do anything else. I can’t stop thinking about being a SAHM and being able to clean my house, get in a workout, grocery shop and meal prep during the week, bake things, run errands & actually leave the house, go to the library and play groups, and just be with my son. My husband and I have an incredibly solid relationship; he has a very tight handle on our finances and budget (in an uber responsible way, not like in a controlling way). He has all our finances mapped out and projections for the future and everything. On his income and our savings we can afford to live a modest life and have sufficient retirement savings. We’ll have to reel things in a bit but they’re doable. And the trade off would be me getting to take care of my son full time. What I really struggle with when grappling with the decision on whether to be a SAHM is that I worked hard to get to where I am today in my career, and I have a promising career ahead of me. I have probably the most flexible situation I could ask for that allows me to see my son during the week. Am I stupid for giving that up? Am I selfish for giving that up? What happens when my child/future children go back to school and I am completely set back in my career/have to start over? My job has given me great opportunities and I’m currently taking on some new tasks; am I letting them down if I decide to leave? Am I letting my nanny down if we decided to let her go? On the other hand – if I have the ability and desire to be my son’s full time caretaker, am I letting him down by not doing that? I change my mind about every five minutes on this. My husband is fully supportive of whatever I want to do. I don’t have many SAHMs in my circle so I feel like I’m missing a lot of that perspective. I would love to hear opinions/thoughts on this; does anyone out there have a similar experience? Edit: Thank you all so much for your feedback! You’ve given me a lot to consider & I appreciate hearing everyone’s experiences Relevant & Top Comments Commenter 1: We're virtually in the same exact situation. I am 36, I work full time from home in a pretty lax job, I am good at what I do and make pretty good money at week (6 figs also if that matters). Except I have 2 kids (4 and 2) and my first year of motherhood I had to spend juggling work and my baby (covid luck downs so no daycare, couldn't trust nannies). Here is how I decided to keep working. I don't love my job or what I do, but I do love my financial freedom and my ability to buy my kids anything they want, any treats, toys, trips. I try to balance my wfh style by not letting myself get sucked into a crazy 9 hours straight schedule. I used to schedule play time breaks during lunch and the afternoon when kids were home. As they get older they learn you can come play and then say goodbye when you have to go. I still do laundry while on calls. We don't want to just retire. If possible, we want to retire early and travel. That's not something we can do on just 1 income. I decided we can also use some of the extra income to "buy back" our time. So instead of spending my weekends cleaning, I do a light tidy up at the end of the day and we have a cleaning angel come every 2 weeks to actually clean. It works for us. We kept each kid home with a nanny until they were about 2yo, when they started itching for socialization and learning in a setting I couldn't give them. It was time for daycare then anyway. Never make a huge decision for you and your family based on how the company or the nanny would feel. Those are financial relationships only. Do what's best for you and your family. Using a nanny, daycare or even just asking Grandparents to babysit, remember: if you leave your child with them, you need to relinquish some control. They will never do it like you would, they can't. But you have to trust them to do their best and keep your child safe and happy as much s they can. You will never find someone who is a mom to your baby as well as you are. I decided I wasn't ready to give up all the pros my job and career afford me for 1 year at home with my first and 2 with my second. I love them more than I can say and miss them when they're at daycare, but they're thriving and making friends. Commenter 2: You are romanticizing being a SAHM, many of the things you list are not realistic until preK, and even then not really until full time school. My kids are now both school aged and your list is NOW my list. But I spent 7 years drowning in tantrums and play dough to get here. Now I can meal prep, get in a workout, clean my home and not be 6 loads of laundry behind. But the stage of parenting you are at is VERY hands on and mentally draining. It doesn’t mean it’s not rewarding, it certainly is! But it’s not the dream people like to picture it as. Reducing your hours and taking a pay cut would give you the best of both worlds. I’d explore that option first and if you find it’s still not enough, then you’ll have your answer and know what to do! ——————————————— [Update | November 19th, 2025 | 10 Months Later] Almost quit corporate job to be SAHM - Update I posted here early this year when my son was 9 months old when I was struggling hard with whether I should quit my job and become a SAHM. I was overwhelmed, anxious, and constantly torn between wanting to be with my baby and wanting to keep the career I had worked so hard for. I wanted to come back and give an update because my entire perspective has changed in a really good way. First, I’m so glad I didn’t quit my job. Looking back, so much of my inner turmoil came down to two things I didn’t fully understand at the time: I hated our nanny. I didn’t realize just how much that was affecting everything. Her style didn’t mesh with mine at all, and hearing or seeing things that bothered me made me feel like I needed to be the one doing everything. When we eventually replaced her, it was like night and day. Our new nanny is AMAZING - warm, aligned with how we parent, genuinely loves my son, and I trust her completely. That one change relieved about 80% of the stress I was feeling. I was deep in postpartum & anxiety without realizing it. Once I got farther out of the newborn trenches, my anxiety improved significantly. I can see now how raw and vulnerable that stage made me. It felt impossible at the time to separate my instincts from my fear, and a lot of my “maybe I should quit” thoughts were driven by panic, not actual desire to be a SAHM. Now my son is so active, social, and busy that I honestly can’t imagine being home full time with him right now. He thrives with structure and stimulation, and I’m grateful he gets that every day. And on my end: I got new opportunities at work, I was promoted, I feel good at what I do, and I’m genuinely relieved I didn’t walk away from everything I’d built. I still love being a hands-on mom but I no longer feel like I have to choose between that and my career. Keeping my job has given my family better financial security and has given me a sense of personal accomplishment. If you’re in the thick of that decision right now, please know you’re not alone. Sometimes the problem isn’t work vs. motherhood but it’s the support system around you, the stage you’re in, or the fact that postpartum hormones make you feel like every decision is life-altering and irreversible. I’m grateful I waited & I’m grateful things changed for the better (and I am so aware of how LUCKY and privileged I am to be able to have a nanny for my son and the luxury of even having this choice on the table) Happy to answer questions for anyone in the same place I was last year. Relevant & Top Comments Commenter 1: Glad you figured out the nanny situation was the real problem. Amazing how one bad caregiver can make you question everything about your life choices. Commenter 2: Im working through this exact situation except with daycare! I think all of these points are totally valid and a helpful reminder! I’m glad this worked out for you. I learned i dont care about my career and haven’t for a long time. I want nothing to do with corporate. It feels like a breath of fresh air for ME to quit and pivot to a new career, all while staying home with my baby while I work through it. I can always go back to what I did, maybe at less pay but I’m okay with that. I had a lot of pressure in my job and it made my PPA lead to extreme burnout and paranoia, all while people are being laid off left and right. OOP: I wish I had the clarity you seem to have!! And literally so valid to quit your job if you can swing it financially and it’s not fulfilling you anymore. Life’s too short to be unhappy Commenter 3: I’m also going through the same thing right now but with daycare. I am in a weird situation with work but essentially I had to choose to get my job back or get a few more months at home and try to find a daycare spot. I immediately wanted to quit and be with my baby, but realistically my career would be over if I made that choice and I enjoy the financial freedom that my job gives me. I worked really hard to get here and it would be awful to give it all up knowing I could likely never get it back. Plus I know if I put in the time I would have plenty of opportunities to grow. I sure will miss her every day when she goes into daycare and I’m sure our days will be very hectic with drop off/pick up’s etc, but I also feel like our interactions will be more quality and she would benefit from the kind of stimulation daycare will provide, especially at 9 months old. Being a mom is so hard and there never seems to be a ‘right’ thing to do, just something that is right for you OOP: I feel for you!!! It’s so hard no matter what you do, it feels like you have no choice but to sacrifice something. I will say I do feel like it’s gotten a lot easier as he’s gotten older and more independent so it doesn’t feel so hard forever ——————————————— THIS IS A REPOST SUB—I AM NOT OOP. DO NOT COMMENT ON THEIR POSTS submitted by /u/Awwndrei to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

This situation happened back in May of 2025 so keep that in mind. But has been brought up again so hence the post. I will be so happy if at least one person reads all of this and gives advice. Me (21 F) had been with my fiancé (25 M) for about 3 years when this situation occurred. I genuinely felt like I had created good relationships with his immediate family (his mom, his dad, his sister (26), etc. I am someone who each of these people have heavily relied on to help with doing their taxes, keep their car insurances up to date, help with school assignments (both the mom and sister were in school), etc. I never said no to any request or need. Edit for context: For everyone not understanding me helping out, etc. Please read -you have to keep in mind that my fiance family is Hispanic and I am the only person who is fluent in English. None were born in US. Only me. Not even my fiance is fluent. So, it was natural for them to ask me for help and lean on me for everything. And I am not great at saying no, especially to people I think care about me. So I took on more and more. I don’t care that he helped. In fact, I wish she got more help from others (like her other kids) so I wouldnt be the go to person she asks and so I wouldnt feel bad saying no bc if i say no she has no one to help her. i am happy she has someone other than me to help because im not doing it anymore after everything. The time came that my fiancé and I were going to move states for our jobs. When we were about to move, my sister in law (26 F) introduced us to her new boyfriend of 1 week at the time, a male (40 M). The age gap worried me for the reason that my parents had an identical age gap and it is precisely what tore them apart over time. But I kept that opinion to myself and supported their relationship. When we met him, I liked the guy. Thought he had a good sense of humor and seemed nice. Around 4 months later I was shocked when things went sideways. (There is a mini situation that happened with him before this one. Let me know in the comments if you want me to explain it) My mother-in-law had asked me to help her find a new laptop. So I facetimed her and we talked for around an hour going over pricing and options. Finally we settled on the 2025 Macbook Air (M4). She was only going to use it for browsing, notes, and light schoolwork so I recommended the one with standard storage and RAM. This would save her close to $500 on a computer she is already paying $1000 for. Especially because I share 2TB of iCloud storage with her that I personally pay for. So we went with that option and I ordered it. A few days later she is talking on the phone with my fiancé when she asks him to pass the phone for her to tell me something. She tells me that my sister-in-laws boyfriend said the laptop I picked was an older 2024 model (which isn’t true). Based on that, he canceled the order I had placed and took her to buy a different one, which ended up being essentially the same laptop, just with more RAM and storage, so she spent more money for no real reason. I wasn’t initially angry but more annoyed because I had done the work and spent the time with my mother-in-law to arrive at that choice. Also, he said he canceled it because it was an old model however I had the order confirmation with Model # to prove that wasn’t the case. So to me, it was a big misunderstanding that led to my mother in law paying $1500 for the computer instead of $1000. However, she got more RAM and storage that she won’t need. On her technological ability, she will probably only use about 10% of the computers capabilities in the first place so the extra money felt wasteful. And she is not rich! So, I decided since he is someone in the family I would reach out to him in a text to let him know there must have been a misunderstanding because the one I ordered is the same one he took her to get, and to ask that in the future if its something that I already helped with to please reach out to me so we can chat to avoid misunderstandings. He responded with some computer specs and I just responded with proof that what I ordered was correct. Once I sent the proof he responded with, “Let’s get one thing clear, I don’t need to justify my actions to you. If you have a problem with the decision, take it up with (mother in law).” My jaw hit the floor. I was not expecting that type of reply and honestly felt disrespected. I replied saying that I had come to him with a respectful tone so I would like the same back from him and even clarified that I was not asking him to justify anything. Just wanted to avoid future misunderstandings. He left that message on delivered. And refused to address it. Edit: And this is the same guy who months before called me while I was at work to yell at me because the airbnb I booked for 8 people including himself for my MILs birthday did not allow pets. It was free for everyone btw. I paid it all. I did not even know he had a pet and just assumed at his age he knew someone to watch his pets or would hire someone to swing by. It was 1 night. So he yelled at me while at work and asked me to “justify” that choice. When, it was a free stay for him! How would I know? Little did I know, he immediately went to my SIL, MIL, and FIL to complain about my texts. He twisted it to fit his agenda to make it seem as if I wanted him to give me the run down every time he does anything. I found this out when I received a text later that some night from my MIL who texted me saying I did not have to get upset and go off on him. Never did that but I replied saying I did not know what she meant. In fact, that I felt disrespected by him. But at that point, she wouldn’t hear me. My fiancé tried to address it with her and his sister, but they defended him, said his message wasn’t disrespectful, and questioned why I even texted him in the first place. She also said we were “misunderstanding” his tone. All this while I have the receipts! I feel like I am going crazy! Am I in the wrong? Was he not disrespectful? Should I let it go? Also… there is more that happened after. Edit for what happened after: Ok so basically after the situation my fiance reached out directly to him to say like my intentions werent to get him to justify anything and that the comment he made was overly aggressive and not okay. That message was left on delivered. 6 months went by and there were crickets. No wanting to reach out for birthdays no nothing. No effort to clear the air. But the time came for my MIL graduation from nursing school. I wasnt going to let that stop us from going and decided to go and be cordial and engage in group setting but not directly to him. We went and when he approached ( we are all hispanic) he came and partially wrapped me in a hug and went to kiss my cheek. I said “no thank you.” quietly. not loudly. because tbh i did not feel like being touched and kissed by someone who literally disrespected me in the last thing he ever said to me and left it like that for 6 months. this was not witnessed by anyone. i did not want to cause a scene or anything. i came to find out at the end of our trip literally at the airport from a text my mil sent to my fiance that he had gone to my FIL and told him that i did not accept his hug and kiss. from there my FIL told MIL. the message my mil sent my fiance was basically that i was not being mature and that obviously him coming to hug me was him being the bigger person or something. the message hurt because it was intended to be behind my back. but my fiance shared it with me. if anything, i knew i was going to be uncomfortable and i came anyways. and did not cause an issue. but now im the issue again bc i didnt want to be kissed. in response to the whole thing my fiance scheduled a call w him. on that call it lasted 5 min. he wasnt letting my fiance talk at all so my fiance asked if he could speak on each point he is trying to make because he wont be able to if he keeps going and wont let him. and he responded that then he should get a pen and paper and take notes if he cant keep up. so my fiance responded that that comment is a “zoquetada” in spanish. not sure the translation. and the dude hung up and said to call him back when hes man enough. after that my fiance said he isnt speaking to him because theres no speaking to someone who is so cool talking like that. so thats the most recent thing. submitted by /u/Routine_Sky_1292 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/p0ly0ffmychestthrow My husband wants to go back to being monogamous instead of an open marriage but I'm conflicted Originally posted to r/offmychest TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity Original Post Sept 10, 2022 Details: Me [43F], my husband [42M]. We have been married for 19 years and have an 18 year old and a 17 year old. Earlier this year my husband broached the topic of a non-monogamous marriage and asked what I thought. He proposed we give it a try. Before we had kids we were really adventurous in our sex life. We never did an open marriage or swinging but after considering it I was game. I missed the adventure we had when we were younger. We set out rules (use protection, not in our home because both of our kids still live here etc). I have really enjoyed this so far. My husband has approached me again and said he wants to go back to monogamy. He said the person he had in mind when he broached the topic (a woman who has a membership at the same golf club as him) rejected his request for a date. He said he hasn't had any dates or partners and said he is jealous of my dates and boyfriends. The thing is I am conflicted. I love him. But I'm also enjoying this new aspect of my life and I haven't felt so good or enjoyed myself in a long time. He says he is jealous but this was his idea and I'm not stopping him if he wants to date. But I am conflicted because this could cause issues in my marriage. I recognize that could happen. TOP COMMENT MrTerrificPants This is the reality most guys never consider when they think about taking their monogamous relationship, poly. It’s very possible that she’s going to have more fun than you. And when she does, how are you going to handle it? Update Mar 27, 2026 (3 & 1/2 years later) (I forgot that I even made that post. I was only reminded of it because my email address was already tied to an account when I tried to sign up for Reddit. I completely forgot that I posted here.) This update will be a short one. As of 18 days ago we are no longer married. Back when I posted here my ex-husband had wanted to close our marriage again but I didn't want to. It caused a lot of problems for us. We were separated for the mandatory two year waiting period although my husband kept trying to convince me to come back to a closed marriage during that time, even though he was the one who applied to dissolve our marriage. Then after the separation period he tried to delay the process at every turn. There was no way we could have remained married because he wanted to go back to a closed marriage and I didn't. I have to pay him maintenance for one year. I do not have to pay him any child maintenance. (Both of our children go to university in Auckland now, though I am still paying most of their expenses.) I don't regret my marriage ending. My focus is on making sure my children have everything they need and living my life. FINAL COMMENTS allergymom74 Looking at your original post you should have just separated when he asked originally since he had a person in mind. He didn’t want ENM. He wanted to excuse his wandering eye guilt free. ~ mike2ff This is the majority of the outcome when the husband suggests opening the marriage. The man wants to bang other chicks cuz he “deserves it” or is “owed it”. Quickly realizes that, sexually speaking, 40+ women are more in demand than 40+ men. Gets upset when the wife pulls more than he does, and wants to walk it back. Bonus points for his “dad bod”, which his wife still found attractive, isn’t attractive to women he didn’t have a child with. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I got a text from a friend on Sunday saying she’d had a sudden abdominal surgery. She also sent me a link to a meal train for her family of five. I asked her how she’s healing today and again sent me the meal train sign up. They are gluten free. This is a friend I was closer with 20 years ago but now we get together once every few months. I don’t know her husband or kids enough to know their likes and dislikes. I’m single and work 40+ hours per week yet still live paycheck to paycheck. This friend has both parents and in laws right here as well as two adult sisters. I don’t really have time for this. My sister who has had a couple c-sections thinks the whole idea is ludicrous and friend is reaching with this request. Her husband or their teenagers are capable of throwing something in the oven. Edit to clarify a few things: 1.) This friend LOVES attention and has a flair for the dramatics so this happening is her time to milk the situation for pity. I do have sympathy for her. 2.) Her husband and teenage sons are smart and capable enough to put chicken nuggets and fries in the oven. They are kind and helpful. 3.) She’s never been very domesticated herself. Cooking is not her passion to say the least. 4.) The husband has the gluten issues. She just finds it easier to eat the same way. 5.) If it weren’t for the gluten free demand, I’d make them a huge pan of my ziti. Something like that I can absolutely swing financially, easily. I love to cook but admittedly am naive on gf lifestyles. 6.) Many of her friends have signed up and they have dinners set up well into next weekend. submitted by /u/oldladylife to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/TrussedDown Originally posted to u/legaladvice My ex-wife’s boyfriend is abusing my kids, and the custody hearing isn’t until after I’m supposed to bring them back Thanks to u/aaryanhere for the suggestion Trigger Warnings: vivid descriptions of child abuse, deception and attempted fraud, gaslighting ---- Original Post: March 27, 2018 Michigan, USA. I just had the most horrific day of my life on Friday. I found out my ex-wife’s boyfriend has been beating our children (7 and 10). I split up from my wife about six months ago and she started seeing someone seriously about a month after that. Three or four weeks ago he unofficially moved in. I never liked him, but I never had reason to believe he was violent. My custody arrangement is such that I get the kids for a week then she gets the kids for a week, back and forth. I didn’t try to sue for full custody at any time because this is totally unprecedented and I’ve never known her to be an unfit parent. Raising the children had nothing to do with why we split up, and nothing related to anger, violence, or general carelessness. Friday night she dropped the kids off and, as usual, she barely made eye contact or spoke to me. (I tried to organize an amicable split for the kids’ sake, and it went well at first, then after the papers were signed and assets divided she wasn’t having it.) So usually the routine when she drops the kids off on Fridays (around 7:00 or whenever they finish dinner) is we watch the game or play some video games, get a jump start on weekend homework, and then head to bed. My younger son was really despondent when she dropped him off and my older was hyper and fidgety. Unlike both of them. Usually they’re perfectly well tempered. If anything my younger son is normally the fidgety one, he has. ADHD, and I’ve never seen him as still and affectless as that day. I asked if everything was ok and they said yes. So the boys head up to shower then go to their room to change and I come in to say goodnight and see my younger son’s back and chest are covered in bruises. I was half paying attention at first and only caught a glimpse, checking my email and catching it out of the corner of my eye. I asked him to take his shirt off and he panicked. Not like them at all. I was still helping this one in the bath until earlier in the year and they both would walk around in their boxers all day if we let them. So that raised a flag right away. To make a long story short he was covered in bruises on top. I had to step out of the room for a second because I didn’t want to break down in front of him. And his legs had prominent lacerations and welts. I asked him what happened and he kept telling me he fell. He was definitely coached because he hasn’t lied to me that blatantly since he was like four. I didn’t want to press him. My older son finally told me in private what happened. Younger son did poorly on some test and ex’s boyfriend whipped him with a belt. When he cried, the boyfriend just started wailing on him, because “men don’t cry.” I am shuddering even typing that last part, it is the exact opposite of everything I (and my ex!!) had been teaching them their whole lives. And the most traumatic part to both of them was not even the violence of the boyfriend but that my ex was sitting in the room and did nothing. Without going to into detail, because I would just get too upset, this was not an isolated incident. Just the first time he left noticeable marks. He’d been hitting both of them, the younger one much more frequently and aggressively than the older one, and told them if they said anything they’d never see their mother again because she would lose custody. And my ex backed him on this. I haven’t let on to my ex at all because I don’t want her to know before I can get to court and sue for full custody. I took photos of every injury. I am so livid. I don’t know if I’m more mad at him for attacking my children, my ex for not doing anything, or myself for not putting the pieces together sooner and doing a deeper dive into the man living with my kids. I contacted a lawyer that next morning but he said since the guy technically doesn’t live with them we might not be able to take custody from my ex (he kept his apartment, but according to the kids, he brought a bunch of boxes with clothes over three or four weeks ago and has stayed over every night since). He also said once my wife catches wind of my suit that she might just take out a restraining order on the guy and swear they’re broken up while still seeing him on the side once she keeps custody. Knowing that it isn’t certain I’ll win full custody, it’s taking all I have to not load them into a car, change our names, and never come back. Is there anything else I can do in the meantime? My lawyer says at the end of the week I’ll have no choice but to send them back to her house. Our court date isn’t until Wednesday of next week. They’ve barely slept the last two days. The younger one is afraid to sleep alone and keeps getting into bed with his brother, who is so guilt ridden he didn’t do anything to stop it or speak up sooner than he just gets into bed with me and cries all night. (They’re both in counseling starting two days from now.) I did not see this coming at all. My ex-wife was so against violence she wouldn’t even kill a spider in the kitchen and spend hours trapping it in a glass to release. She found out a teacher had yelled at one of our kids and had a meeting with the principal the same day. It has occurred to me this man is abusing her too and she’s under some sort of spell with him and needs help of her own. Once it effects my kids, I don’t care about her problems. Only they matter. There is no excuse that will justify her sitting and watching a grown man brutalize my seven year old. So, basically, What do I do when the end of the week comes and I’m supposed to give them back? I don’t want to be charged with kidnapping, however, I’m not bringing them back even if I’m mandated to. UPDATE: He’s up and we’re on our way to the hospital. I’m having both kids examined just to remain on the safe side. I called CPS and said I’m bringing the kids to the hospital and am scared to return them to their mothers care. Fingers crossed. UPDATE #2: My lawyer came to me before I could go to him and told me he worried he didn’t have the kind of experience for this case (he’s a neighbor who was doing this for almost no money out of the goodness of his heart) and connected me to a lawyer with experience in these cases and family court, who is also being very generous with her rates. In the meantime my ex-wife arrived out of nowhere to try and take the kids back. I saw her standing at our door pounding and shouting as I pulled back up from meeting with the lawyer. Luckily I hadn’t gone into the driveway yet and the kids were tuned into their iPads with headphones on so I just kept driving and when they realized we’d passed the house I just improvised and said “surprise! Ice cream!” i think they intuitively didn’t ask why we went to a parlor three towns over instead of our usual place. Therapy starts soon, thank God. CPS is heavily involved and five separate reports were made. Mine, my lawyer’s, the ER doctor, the police who were called to the ER, and their school counselor (at the advice of my new, far more aggressive, lawyer.) The reports are almost definitely what backed the judge into the corner of having to grant the hearing. I’m too nervous to sleep, and drove the boys around for six hours so they could sleep (the car always conks them right out.) Now the oldest is up reading in my bed and the youngest is curled up with me in his bed. He’s asleep but wakes up every time I try to go check on the older one. They seem calmer. Hoping for good news and thank you for all the good advice. I now see I really needed that new lawyer and filing the multiple reports and getting an exam was the best course of action. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Go before a judge and try to get emergency custody until the hearing. OOP: My lawyer tried to do this and was denied. I just wrote after reading your comment to understand further why that happened, because it does seem crazy the more I think about it. essentially he said the judge didn’t deem the injuries severe enough to warrant an emergency hearing because he didn’t have to go to the hospital or require medical attention so it’s up for debate whether or not it will be classified as abuse and has to wait until our court date. He said the judge implied maybe the boyfriend is just very “old fashioned”. Either he didn’t look closely at the pictures or is abusive himself because my son had angry red welts that were still festering after nearly 24 hours and unhealed lacerations. Following up on this with the lawyer. Commenter 2: It may also be a good idea to take him to the hospital so a medical professional can take stock of his injuries, so you have definitive proof that the injuries are from before you have had the children. Is there ANY way your lawyer can go before a different judge? This one seems like he doesn't care at all. OOP: I don’t know but will ask. This is my first interaction with the court system beyond contesting a traffic ticket. A great idea to take him to the hospital though. The youngest is sleeping now, for the first time in a while, but I’ll bring him the moment he’s up.   Update #1: March 28, 2018 (next day) Editor's note: removed a part of the update as it is a rehash of the original post [Michigan, USA] Question 1: My lawyer is telling me to be prepared for my ex to say I abused the kids and coached them to lie. Is there anything I can do to get out in front of that? Question 2: I wouldn’t be surprised if the boyfriend has been abusing my ex wife. My lawyer said if this is the case she might use that as a defense for not stepping in when the kids were being beaten mercilessly by a grown adult man. If this surfaces does it help or hurt my efforts to keep the kids in my custody? ---- UPDATE: Thank you all for your excellent advice. My lawyer is aware that I’m posting on here and said it’s alright - especially since she recognizes she can’t make herself as available as she would if I were a regular client through her firm paying full freight. She’s been wonderful. The hearing was pushed back by a couple hours, but we can’t leave in case they can see us sooner so we’re waiting now. I’m exceptionally freaked out but my lawyer seems deeply confident it will be open and shut. (The case worker isn’t visiting the house until this afternoon but apparently she’s already visited my ex’s house and talked to the boyfriend and her conclusion from that was to recommend they stay with me.) The boys have had some interviews and exams with CPS that sound like they went as well as they could have and the things that didn’t go well will help me get them home and safe. After this process my next step is an order of no contact on the boyfriend or a restraining order if I can swing it. Will have to ask the lawyer. But she agrees we do need something official in place to keep him at bay. A buddy is installing a couple security cameras today. Thanks for those who recommended that. \— ANOTHER UPDATE: I have custody until the formal hearing is scheduled. I don’t have to bring them back. Their lawyer tried to say the younger one had fallen on cement and rolled down a step and that’s how it happened. When the boys were asked if younger fell and they had no clue what she was talking about (they tripped on some patio bricks but were barely scratched) their lawyer tried to switch it around and say I’d abused them and they were trying to do me a favor of keeping it out of court. The judge said “Counselor, are you out of your mind?” Which my lawyer says is a great sign moving forward. I don’t know where they found their lawyer but he was wearing sneakers. So now we wait for next Wednesday. I’m just relieved there isn’t the same clock on it now. Thank you again to everyone. The boys are back in school Monday and doing well. The older fell asleep tonight without issue for the first time since I got them. I’m hopeful. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I know OP has spoken with school counselor, but Monday morning he has to speak with the counselor and principle in case mom shows up. I'm not sure if the school can prevent her from speaking to the kids or signing them out, but OP needs to be informed if she steps on school grounds. OOP: The school is aware - both for the boys’ well-being as they cope with everything that’s happened and also for security reasons. I called the principal and have been assured they’ll show her face at a meeting on Monday so everybody on campus will be aware of her. I had to send proof of full custody, etc. before it was finalized but by Monday it should be ok. Thanks for your concern and tips. Commenter 2: Question 1: That’s why you involved the police and CPS. They’re professionals, and are investigating. Most kids are not very good liars, so the professionals should be able to tell who’s lying and who isn’t (I know it doesn’t always work out that way). Just listen to your new lawyer, and make sure you don’t ‘advise’ or try to ‘help’ the kids with their statements. Leave it to the professionals. Did ex try to pick the kids up before the scheduled time, or was it the normal exchange time? I’m sure she’s been notified of the investigation. Make sure your new lawyer notifies CPS/police about her showing up at your house. Question 2: IDK, but whether she’s also being abused or not, she was definitely aware of the kids being assaulted and didn’t intervene, per your kid’s statements. That will not play out in her favor. Good luck, and keep being a good dad. OOP: Thank you. And, no, I was supposed to drop them off at the end of the week in the evening. She never comes here - I always drop them off there (partially because I like having the extra time of the drive with my kids and partially because I did want to keep an eye on how the new boyfriend interacted with my kids and the state of their house. Though we see what good that attempt was now, and lastly because the few times she picked them up here she’d come hours early and I felt awful when my visits were cut short.) Commenter 3: For Question 1: Don't tell the kids to say ANYTHING! You want to avoid any hint of coaching. If your kids want to talk about what happened, listen, but probably keep your answers pretty minimal, but empathetic. Like, "how do you feel about that?" or "I love you and I always will" or "would you like a hug?" I originally had "that sounds upsetting" on that list, but then you're telling the child they should be upset. Ask your case worker/lawyer/therapist how to support your kids without tainting their testimony. OOP: Good thought. I’ll run that question by the case worker and get more details from lawyer who had begun to touch on it. Commenter 4: In the event that you don't have time to stop your kids from going back to their mothers, you need to setup a plan on how they can contact you in the event something starts happening. Does your oldest have a phone? If so, I would suggest you get an Amazon Dash button and have him set it up at your ex's house under your account. This way if he gets his phone taken away, he still has a lifeline of sorts by pressing the button and ordering a product that would immediately notify you that something is up. OOP: That’s a really smart idea. Thank you.   Editor's note: OOP installed a final update into the same post with the first update Final Update: April 11, 2018 (same post, two weeks later) UPDATE April/11/18 Sorry for the long delay. It’s been a crazy few days, I’ve barely been checking my emails let alone Reddit (as wonderful as you all are!) Your support has been so critical in getting through this time. So - at first I did not win full custody. My ex wife and her bizarre lawyer fabricated evidence claiming I’d been fired from a previous job for violence, going so far as to forge a letter from a nonexistent boss and a whole hash of lies. (I am in IT. So I really don’t know what she could have dreamed up that would end in physical violence.) I was just so flustered and terrified at the initial ruling. My lawyer hadn’t seen the fake papers and was a complete shark, not allowing anyone to even leave the courtroom before she understood the reasoning behind the ruling. Once it came to light there was some sort of evidence she hadn’t seen she really dug in and at the end of the day I got full custody with my ex getting limited supervised visits (provided the boyfriend is nowhere in sight) and the chance to come back and get more visits if she can demonstrate the boyfriend is no longer living in the house or would ever be around the kids. The other good news is it seems like the only plus to icky sneakers lawyer is that he is helping her seek some counseling for whatever trauma she personally experienced. My lawyer is following up with seeing anyone responsible for misconduct, including the judge, is dealt with appropriately. I have the kids now. That’s all that matters. They’re still in school in her town (where I lived with her when we were married) and the end of the year is close but next year I’m going to move them to my district. It’s all on her now. All that matters is the boys are home. Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in this update here   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is still u/MechanicHungry5615. She posted in r/TrueOffMyChest and her own page. Previous BORU here. New Update marked with *****. Thank you to u/Awwndrei for letting me know about the update! Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is several months old but hasn't been posted here. Trigger Warnings: abuse; child abuse Mood Spoiler: Happier ending Original Post: July 6, 2024 My boyfriend and I have been together since 2022. The night after our first date he got angry because his TV froze and threw the remote, slammed his bedroom door, shut off the lights, and told me he was going to bed so I should too. I should have left then, but I didn’t. He’s continued having outburst like this when angry or frustrated for the past 2 years. He would calm down and apologize, and tell me he would do better and I didn’t deserve that, and I would tell him it’s ok. Summer of 2023 he quit his job, and shortly after we found out I was pregnant. I work as a waitress, so we were forced to move in with his family. He told me it would be temporary, but didn’t even start looking for or get a new job until that winter. The entire time he expected me to have saved up all the money we needed to move, while also getting ready for our baby. We were finally kicked out of his parents home due to his mood swings, which caused them to fight frequently. Our baby got here in spring of 2024, and two weeks later he quit his job, again. I have now been expected to pay all the bills, while also walking on eggshells to avoid his anger. The outbursts have ramped up since the arrival of my son, and he has been throwing things when angry, which usually results in my things getting broken. Last week he threw an insulated water bottle that almost hit the swing my son has just been taken out of. I’ve hit my limit. He will not change. It’s been 3 months and he will not find a job. I’m tired of being scared in my own home. I’m tired of not being able to leave the house without him. Im waiting until he has a job so I can leave while he’s at work. I’m moving back to my home town, and getting a job there. I’m breaking my lease on the grounds of domestic violence. Until then I have to act like everything is normal, while I gather resources and evidence. It is so hard to pretend. And it is so hard to leave. I feel guilty, because I know he can tell I’m at a breaking point. He’s selling his car that does not run, for scrap so we can find a way to pay bills this month. He’ll be stuck without a vehicle when I leave. I’m trying not to let that keep me here. I have to think about my baby and his safety. I have to keep it together until I can get out. Relevant Comments: big_bob_c: Waiting for him to get a job is risky, your kid could be in kindergarten by then. Look for other opportunities. OOP: He has an interview on Monday that I am praying and hoping pans out. He’s also sick right now so I might actually be able to leave the house without him tomorrow and let me dad know what’s going on, which could help speed things along as well Yoyo_Ma86: See my original comment, I know what you’re dealing with. Do not wait for the “right time” there won’t be one. It will drag on for years. Believe me. Tell your dad. Tell someone who will hold you accountable. Don’t keep it to yourself like I did for so long. OOP: I’ve told anyone I can trust to keep it from him, and that will help me. At this point they’re all on standby waiting for me to tell them it’s time Spinnerofyarn: Please just go the next time he's out of the house for a few hours. You're not safe. Your baby is not safe. The safety of the two of you is more important than your stuff. OOP: He’s never out of the house. He doesn’t work, he doesn’t go anywhere. I can’t even go anywhere besides work without him. He’s just always there Update 1 (Same Post): July 7, 2024 (Next Day) Small update: I was able to leave the house without him this morning (I’ve never been so happy to hear someone getting sick all night before), and went and saw my dad. My dad is ready to help me leave at a moment’s notice, and has advised me to document everything I do for the baby to help with custody, because my bf doesn’t help much with the baby either. I am nursing at the moment, so thankfully he won’t be able to have him but a few hours every other weekend anyways, and never over night. He’s also going to help me find somewhere to work in my hometown, and I may be able to stay with him if I can’t find a place of my own when I’m ready to go. Update Post 1: July 9, 2024 (2 days later, 3 from OG) I’m not exactly sure how updating posts on Reddit usually works, so forgive me if this is weird/ not the norm. In the past 3 days, I have been able to inform everyone who needs to know of my plans. This includes my job and my leasing office. Because I’m moving back to my hometown I’m having to find work there, but thankfully my managers are very understanding and supportive of what’s going on. They first and foremost want me to be safe. My leasing office is helping me find a way to discretely remove myself from the lease so I can get out. I have begun recording everything, either on my phone or in writing. My mom is helping me with plans to get an attorney for custody. My dad and stepsister are helping me slowly move things out of my current apartment, as my stepsister live in the same town I do and can take things from me and bring them to my dad to store until I leave. I’ve started applying for jobs in my hometown as well as housing. I saw the comments warning me not to wait until he has a job and you’re right, but I do plan on waiting until I have a job to secure a future for my baby and myself. Thank you to everyone for the well wishes, miraculously since I’ve decided to leave he’s decided to act like the model father/boyfriend, but it’s only been 4 days and I can tell that’s waning. I will keep you all updated as things progress. Wish me luck Update Post 2: July 11, 2024 (2 days later, 5 from OG post) The update you’ve all been waiting for I am gone Yesterday morning, a lot happened. He called his 5 year old a dumbass (I told him mom as soon as I could, and she has him now). And I had to take my baby to the ER because his dad got him sick and it’s turned into pneumonia. While at the hospital I was stressed and admittedly was a bit snippy with him, but the way he responded by saying, “well fine I just won’t talk to you today. I’m done.” set something off in my head. I was done. This was my last straw, I needed to get out. That day. So I messaged my family. I had a small, 20 minute window of time where he was leaving the house, and I was going to take it. All day I was patient. I slowly got our things together, covertly putting all mine and the baby’s most worn clothes in a laundry basket under the guise of doing laundry later. And as soon as he was gone, I was out the door. I left a note explaining why I left, and laying out my plans for custody and getting the rest of my things. He tried to get a hold of me the whole hour drive to my family’s. I did not answer, and probably will not for a while. I am safe. My baby is safe. Things are going to be ok. Relevant Comments: Renway_NCC-74656: Oh thank goodness! I am so freaking proud of you! You are an incredibly strong woman and wonderful mother. I don't know where you live, but where I live character witnesses help in custody cases. Can you get the other mom of his older kid to write a statement "against" him? His family? They literally kicked you out because of his violence. I would be so scared to EVER let your son be alone with him. If the judge is insistent on giving him some form of custody, I suggest you ask for supervised visitation. I wish you and your son the very best of luck! OOP: Due to me nursing my son, he will never get him for more than a few hours at a time and never over night. I will be asking for people to provide character witness statements, though OOP responds to someone who missed the first post and provides more details: Please go read my first post where I explain why I am leaving. He is violent. He has taken doors out of their frames while angry, punched holes in the walls. He regularly throws things across rooms without looking where they are headed. He almost hurt my 3 month old baby doing this. This is not the only post I’ve made. And you’d like to know what was said? We were talking about how my baby needed antibiotics and the conversation went like this: Him: and we don’t even know how much it’ll be- Me: because he doesn’t have insurance, I know. This is obviously an update. It says so in the title. I feel like perhaps you missed it, and that’s why you gave such a rude response. You had no idea that I’ve posted before about how this man has been violent, about how he verbally, financially, and emotionally abused me. You seemed very quick to anger and judge in this response, I hope this can be a teaching moment for you. All the facts that I am willing to share, with strangers on the internet, have been laid out. Maybe some context is missing. Maybe small details have been changed to protect my identity. But that does not give you the right to ignore the fact that this is not a first, not a second, but a third post in a series of posts. I just had to do one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life, and you feel it is an appropriate time to accuse me of kidnapping my own child, who I have custody of to begin with as his unmarried mother. And my baby isn’t sick with pneumonia because of another child, he’s sick because his father was sick and wouldn’t listen when I told him to leave him alone for a little while until he was better. So now my 3 MONTH OLD, has fluid on his lungs. I’m sorry if I seem rude or upset in this response, I am just confused by the lack of reading comprehension New Updates: *****New Update Post: November 12, 2025 (1 year, 4 months later)****\* It’s been over 1 year since I left my ex with my 3 month old son. I’m updating now because wow, how things have changed Now that we’re much safer, I’m willing to share more details. I originally said I worked in food service, which was a lie to protect my identity. I was actually a daycare teacher, and am now a salary daycare director. My career blossomed as soon as I left my ex. My son is a happy, healthy toddler, who loves to run around our home and scream with joy at the top of his lungs and gobble up snacks on the couch and snuggle up with me at night to watch an old movie. He goes to the daycare that I work at, and is learning so much every day. He is a smart and adventurous boy, and is more than I could have ever asked for. He now has a step-dad to-be, who loves him so so much. He is a wonderful, gentle man, and I am so thankful I found him at the end of my grieving period. He loved my son and I as soon as he met us, and we love him the same. He helped us so much, and moved us into his home after my dad decided having an infant in his house was too much and said we had to leave 3 months after moving in (another long story in the middle of everything else). We’re buying a new home together soon, and have plans to get married and grow our little family in a few years. We’re hosting Friendsgiving this year, because in addition to him, I’ve also grown such a wonderful community of friends around me. An unfortunate part of this update: I was not able to gather enough evidence to get a restraining order or less than 50/50 custody without a lawyer, which I could not afford at the time of my last update. I am now saving for one, and will be going for majority custody. We are providing my son a more stable home when he is with us, and more successful and stable careers, so I am hoping this will help our case. Thank you for everyone who wished me well when I first left, and those who encouraged me to leave. It was one of the hardest moments in my life, but I hope you’re happy to see things have only gone up from there Editor's note: OOP left comments on this post (because some of you went to her post to comment. Commenting on original posts goes against the rules of this sub and you will be banned.) From her post: Hey! This is an older post! Thank you for commenting, but I am happy to report things are ok! I have not latched onto him, and we did move in sooner than we wanted to, but it was either that or living in my car with an infant. I’m from a rural area with no homeless shelters, so that was not an option. Our relationship is very healthy and happy. We have separate lives and interests, and finances. I am safe, of sound mind, and happy. And I hope you find happiness too! From this post: Why didn't you leave after the first date: I grew up in an abusive home. This was prior to therapy. I thought this was normal. OOP explains: I have a safety net. I am ok. I have an established career and goals. IF anything were to happen, and after two years I’d think it would have by now, I would be ok. To another commenter: Hey I promise I have an actual safety net. I make more money than my fiance. I’m putting money back for my own reasons. Like guys I am really truly ok. And we are taking our time. I am taking my time! I’m also in therapy. We’ve acknowledged we rushed when we first got together and got extremely lucky things have turned out as good as they did. I am the exception, not the blueprint The engagement length/kids: Long engagement, and yes 5 years or so! How OOP is doing now: (bold is mine) I am actually doing really well! I commented somewhere that my posts do have a time delay incase my ex finds them, so my fiancé and I have been together for over two years now. My career is flourishing, and I am in therapy again which is just amazing. My son is a fire cracker and the light of everyone’s life. We are both incredibly spoiled, and I hope my fiancé feels spoiled in return. We have a home filled with life and love and laughter, and friends and family constantly. It’s nice to see the people rooting for me! I shared a small snippet of my life here with as little details as possible, and so many people pole-vaulted to conclusions. (Are your legs tired yet?) But we’re taking it with humor. I’ve started calling my fiancé my Evil Overlord after reading so many comments saying I was just falling into the hands of another abuser. If any of them really knew either of us, they’d see how laughable that was. I hope I can give everyone another update once life moves on more, after the wedding and maybe another kid. But life gets busy and I may forget, so we’ll see!!

Luke was a funny chap. I sat next to him at work for 10 years 5 days a week and we hung out socially a lot. He used to muddle his words in the most fantastic ways - perfectly mixing two idioms/metaphors that you literally couldn't do intentionally. Malapropisms. I'd hear him on the phone to a customer and I'd suddenly realise what he said, and write it down, and question him after. They were always unintentional. Luke died 1 year ago today. He always made me laugh, and I will treasure this list forever. Some are just silly, but most are based on common idioms, just masterfully mixed up. Some contain 3! Free to query any and I'll explain. Here's all 168 of them. Cos then you've got it all under one basket I shouldn't do that because I don't want to get it in the arse Being pushed from post to post Bless her cotton jumper I like to get my 2 bob note's worth I'll be your port of contact Keep it on an even playing field You've got ears like a hawk That's his old hunting ground I'll send a goodwill jester It's a bit of a tonguefull They can then press the green light You pay for what you get I'd argue that fact You can plug out the old router and plug in the new one 1980 - good year to be born - easy year to remember Jane might get involved because she's the big frog He wanted 24/7 support. Minimum. I'm just setting the seed Watching the football, TV at the normal temperature You'll get your reduced discount at the end I've got 50% good news and 50% bad news Yep - I’m ready - fire for it You get what it says on the tin It's the vain of my life She's just a 2 man band Just grab my pad and paper All over it like a rat up a drainpipe I don't wanna be pussy in the middle Did you pick up my gargled message? Doing my due dillinger You're fighting a lost battle here The shit will hit the wall! Got to keep a well-oiled ship Well we've got him by the horns I assume you're spelling lodge like a lodge you would lodge in All hands on board It's not who you know - it's what you know That will be absolutely good Don't count your lucky chickens Hasn't quite got the same bell to it You took the words out from under me Hand-written with a quail A bit of small chat - talk about the weekend That's no skin off our back You swept that thought out of my mind I did a quick track back I had to bite my lip when he said that The early worm catches the bird I can't provide it if you don't have it Any other bits or bobs? I'm under lots of tablets and stress I'm going to the offer licence Someone on facebook's surname is 'Pound'. Like an actual pound, not the weight. Dry as a baby's bottom Send me an order form and we can run over it I was under the inkling that was happening today Turn the router on, and then off again A bit of toing and froming A one shop stop In Middle Earth America People say that as a slander term for it Some of us have lifes That helps sweeten the blow 300 BC. So about 2,300 years ago, give or take. Start from the top and work your way up Print it off in the old printy off fashion way Don't hold your hopes up Living by the edge of your pants May 7th is more of a specific date than May 31st That's too low-school More tension than a tension bridge I've wingled that into a sale Panic averted! He's as white as a sheep. Or is it white as a ghost? Your skin makes me crawl! I'm going to be slightly honest with you That's a deal ender That'll be us with our 4.2 kids Biff baff boff You've ridden that ride with me It's served on a bit of sea wood I'm here for the turnover service It's bug crazy here - just had a monkey swing past me! She used to be Polish originally A tubaware of cheese Those girls are like flies around pigs Why are you sitting down twiddling your legs? It doesn't look like her - she's an intruder Ahh theres no data for that line - it's either dead or not live To avoid getting it wrong I skipped round it 'Dual pronged attack'? I think you mean 'double pronged attack' The duck was overcook - completely mortified He's playing the cool game I'm not pronunciating properly Creme of the crop The Hunchback of Notre Dame is a fictional character from Notre Dame We have a mange a trois Nice in here - like a greenery I'm sick to my teeth Chicken ticker curry Going to Waitrose is boring - third world problem He'll be able to swindle his way out of it I've only met him once or once Conform against the norm She's part time most of the time We're a one shop basket Let me check, it was playing funny buggers on friday Mirror flat Oranger than a can of tangerine How's things keeping? I'll replendish you later He's been here longer than me - he's part of the kitchen cupboard If we leave promto It's Friday so...happy day! They're leaving it a bit short aren't they He's just a chip on his block I needed to stamp my foot down It's the last piece of the jigsaw It's in the luck of the gods Setting the picture Off the top of my memory Pasty stuck in my wind tunnel He pulled it over his and head and sophisticated him Hands off to Channel 4 for a great programme It's like talking to a blank wall That's a false illusion You can't get both worlds It's a shot in the distance Now you can reap the riches For shaving you need a sceptic stick He's not the brightest spark in the box Deaf as a dodo I'm feeling cancagerous today Hmmm itchy reckon We'll get the SQAT team down He's very talkity today Sarah's on paternity leave That's just a doorstep away from the other exchange I get really bad eye strain which is when your eye is strained It's given me a bit of a reality show Thats the meaning behind the madness An American dozen or a UK dozen? I've gone all hickledy pickledy That's double as fast You need a doctor of notoriety to sign it Go out for a spot to eat Are you hiring it or buyering it? Quiet as a whistle McDonalds fills the spot What's that contraction there? A fleet of sheep? You mean a herd 2 steps forward, 1 step back Designated coconut Yeah - mine was only a year and a half - yours was 18 months Doesn't ponsing mean paedophile, like 'you ponse'... Look at you giving me your two pence piece You're a one horse pony You've got to be serious He's a bit of a geezer, he likes a wheel n' a deal Ear blinding sounds Making a meal out of a mountain Let me just check this in case I don't get it wrong He's in the minst of it....That's what I said - 'In the mist of it'!! He's guilty of capable homicide That wasn't a Lukism - that's just me getting mixed up Mrs Petri on the phone - I bet she loves a bit of litmus paper! He's got molten neuron disease submitted by /u/Geofferz to r/CasualUK [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Complex-Wing7114 I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband Originally posted to r/offmychest Thanks to u/soayherder & u/Pawleygirl76 for suggesting this BoRU and finding the new update BoRU 1 BoRU 2 BoRU 3 BoRU 4 BoRU 5 TRIGGER WARNING: controlling behavior, abusive behavior, stalking, assault, physical violence, DARVO Original Post Apr 27, 2024 Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable. Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well. He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day. Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off. He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flight May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this? Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully. Update Apr 28, 2024 So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime. All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath. I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do. I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him. There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job. Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time. Update 2 Apr 30, 2024 Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MIL to show me his favorite recipes. Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm. I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind. My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in. Update 3 May 7, 2024 It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left. My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through. I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this. I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown. Update 4 May 14, 2024 Sorry I haven't updated for a while, things got hectic and a bit chaotic honestly. Firstly, I'm working on getting an apartment still and have applications in at three different places and will hopefully hear back from them soon. I'm still going into work here at the new location, so I don't have to worry about burning through my emergency savings completely. I've gotten a lot of emails from Alex, his family and our old friend group asking question after question. I have only sent one return email to Alex, explaining that I don't believe we are truly compatible, and it is best we separate now. That his treatment of me when I'd done nothing to deserve as such was just as much of a deal breaker as cheating was for him. I ended the email with the statement that I would not be contacting him further and anything else he needed to pass on to me or vice versa would be done through my lawyer. For his family and friends, I just typed up one email outlining everything that had happened and why I left. I told them I wished them no ill will, but that such treatment of his wife and partner was not acceptable. That should Alex get remarried in the future, I wished they would help support both partners and not just Alex. Alex, from what my lawyer told me, was livid when he was served. The sheriff actually ended up booking him for assault on an officer and menacing due to the threats he was shouting. His father bailed him out in a few hours, but with the testimony of the sheriff, my lawyer believes I have a very good chance at getting a restraining order. Alex, upon returning to the house, apparently lost his temper again, breaking the dining table into pieces as well as the tv, and putting several holes in the walls. At least that's what one of the emails from one of our friends reported as Alex called him to help him clean up the mess. My lawyer already has pictures of the house I took, with timestamps as evidence nothing had been damaged by me. My friend reported that Alex tried to claim I'd been the one to trash the house but the holes in the wall were at head height - Alex is 6'3", and I'm 5'4" so he knew that was false. Either way, taking the pictures definitely will help me so again thank you everyone here for the advice because I never would have thought of that on my own. My work won't share details of where I am, as I do work with some higher end clientele who value security and that information won't be gossiped about and no, I'm not some stripper or escort. I deal with contracts, notary and business management. As such, even if Alex tried to use my work to find me, he wouldn't succeed. Update on leaving May 26, 2024 It’s been a little bit, and I thought I’d answer some questions before giving my update. It may be a while after this until things change. Firstly, No I didn’t bring my car. The public transport here is good enough to use without needing one. I have secured an apartment, and the building has good security. You need a key card to enter, and there is a security guard at a desk right by the entrance to the building. As part of my contract, I gave them a photo of Alex and his family so that even in the off chance they do find me, they won’t be let in. The responses I got from the emails varied. His family said I was overreacting, and that I owe Alex an apology for the problems this has caused him. The pending criminal charges puts him at risk of losing his job if he’s convicted. Alex sent a long email, apologizing and pleading for me to come home. He said he was worried for me, that he is willing to go to therapy if it will appease me. He wants us to remain together, and he didn’t think leaving was an appropriate response to his genuine concern and worry for my health and safety. The friends gave somewhat lacking replies, saying that they didn’t think Alex was ever going to hurt me and that I shouldn’t be letting my imagination run away wild. As much as I want to say I was surprised by the lack of support, I’m honestly not. He intends to fight the divorce. I am letting my lawyer handle it, and I am also pursuing a protective order as well. Once I got approved for my apartment, I also froze my credit. I’ve changed my phone carrier and number, as well as making sure none of my documents list Alex as next of kin or POA. Some have asked why I was so paranoid about Alex and his possible future actions. The answer for that actually is somewhat simple – my grandmother. I loved that woman to bits. As a teen, she explained why my grandfather was never around. He was extremely abusive and manipulative, and her generation didn’t allow divorce really. She wouldn’t have been able to buy a house or get a good enough job to support her and my mother on her own. As such, she endured it, shielded my mom as she could until my grandfather died. When I felt like I may have been overreacting, I remembered how she’d said she’d always wished she’d been able to see grandfather for what he was early on when she may have been able to annul the marriage. I don’t know when I’ll update again, maybe when the divorce goes through or if something big happens but until then, I’m just trying to keep my head above the water. Another Update June 25, 2024 It’s been a month since my previous update, and I wanted to share some of what’s been going on in the meantime. The divorce is proceeding, but even though I don’t need him to agree – and he’s not – it means I have to go through the courts to get it approved. As such, it could be upwards of six months to push it through even though I’m filing without attempting to claim property, alimony or compensation. I just want a clean break and separation. Alex has attempted to use our friends to reach out to me, as he doesn’t want to use my lawyer for communication. He’s saying its disrespectful and cowardly to hide behind my lawyer and not meet him face to face. Alex wrote me a letter that he did pass off to my lawyer, but the contents were him justifying his actions and claiming that in today's time it is dangerous for women to be on their own which is why he was so intent on trying to keep me safe from harm. He wanted me to understand that he was trying to protect me as best he could and was hurt that I would just lie to him and hide my actions from him related to my dissatisfaction with our marriage and my moving. I didn’t reply, because at no point did he apologize. All he did was turn everything around on me as I was being overly dramatic, emotional and cowardly. There was a second letter with Alex’s from my SIL. Her letter… was honestly disturbing and completely justified my misgivings regarding approaching her in any kind of professional capacity. She spent five paragraphs detailing how a ‘real abusive’ relationship looked like and that Alex was the furthest thing from abusive. The details she included were all related to financial abuse and physical abuse. Nothing like what Alex had been doing. She stated that my attempts to smear her brother’s name for attention and clout made me the abuser not him. I haven’t really been able to process that admittedly. Part of me can’t help but wonder if she’s right. I mean, I blindsided him by leaving as I did and am refusing to speak with him at all. My old boss recommended that I look into getting into therapy after I moved, and I think I need to. I have had a hard time adjusting to being on my own, I keep censoring myself and haven’t even gone out to eat yet. I always end up worrying about what if someone sees me, what if I get in trouble for spending my money on something frivolous… My lawyer is continuing to fight for the divorce, and I shouldn’t need to be physically present in court. Any meetings needed between me and the judge can be done via zoom. I’m trying to avoid confrontation with Alex and his family for now as much as I can and passed both letters to my lawyer in case he needs them. Our friends are mostly trying to avoid taking sides still, and I’m honestly approaching the point of just letting them go as well. I’m tired of fighting for them to understand at this point. I don’t know if anything is going to happen, so my next update may not be until around mid-November depending on how long it takes to push the divorce through. Work is going well, and it’s helpful to have something familiar to anchor my day to day life when so much has changed and is changing even now. Divorce Proceeding Update Oct 17, 2024 It’s been a while since I last updated, as I needed to let the court step in as Alex was not willing to grant my request for a divorce. We started with mediated session via zoom, but after four sessions it was decided that no compromise could be reached between us. The things Alex was pushing for were one’s I’m not even willing to humor let alone agree to. He wanted me to tell our friends and those I’d sent the information to about his actions that I’d made it up in order to gain sympathy. He also wanted me to pay him for defamation and suffering, especially the wages he lost because of sitting in jail for two days and missing work before getting bailed out. Lastly, he also wanted me to return and to quote him ‘stop my foolish behavior and act like a proper wife and partner.’ Yeah no. So, needless to say, our ‘mediated’ sessions went absolutely nowhere. The judge isn’t seeming to buy into Alex’s act thankfully, because he’s certainly tried. It took me far too long to see Alex for who he was, and part of me feels like an idiot because I didn’t see it at all. Yet, the judge seemed to clock him for exactly what he is within the first meeting. Maybe I just didn’t want to see it. I don’t know. Alex ended up arguing with the Judge a LOT, even being held in contempt four different times. I think it's honestly why this moved as quick as it did. It didn't help that Alex tried to pull in his family as character witnesses but they were dismissed by the Judge as the 'abuse wasn't seen or heard by them, and as such, they only knew part of Alex's character.' In his closing statement after he approved the divorce, he went on to call Alex a narcissist and that if Alex loved himself so much to abuse the one he'd married to let the divorce happen and marry a mirror next. I didn't think a Judge was allowed to say that. At all. But my lawyer just shook his head and told me not to say anything so we left. So here’s the update I’m sure everyone’s been hoping for and guessed: I’m officially divorced. The documents were processed three days ago, and I’m still in disbelief. I have no contact with Alex any longer, nor do I want any. I’m not going to give our friends my new contact information. I may not have replied to everyone, though I tried, but I did read all of your comments. I really did. Your repeated statements about how they weren’t actually friends really helped me see that they weren’t. So, I decided that since I moved far from that place, I needed to start over. New home, new place, new friends. It’s slow, and I’ve started therapy though it took almost three months to get it due to the usual wait times but I’ve been going three times a week ever since. It’s helping, even with things I thought were done and dusted. Alex didn’t take the divorce well according to my lawyer who’s been keeping up with him to make sure he stays away from me. He did something at work, I don’t know what as obviously I have no way to gain that information, but whatever it was cost him his job. My lawyer also did something I didn’t expect him to, but something I think everyone will like – He took the letter my ex-sil sent me and forwarded it to the domestic violence organization she works for along with an formal statement regarding Alex, his actions, and the decision of the Judge. She’s been let go as well, and given how tight those organizations are with one another, my lawyer said that the likely hood of her getting a position at another is slim to none. I actually laughed, though I was a bit teary, when he said that and that ‘slim is on a leaky rowboat to China.’ I’ve been crying a lot lately, but my therapist says it’s normal and shows I’m actually processing things instead of bottling them up and pushing them down. I’ll try to update in a month or so, if my emotions level out some, to explain a few more of the details but I wanted to get this out there, and thank everyone for their continued support and encouragement. I appreciate each and every one of you. I really do. You gave me the hope that leaving him wasn’t going to be this giant black mark I’d never heal from or move on from. Work is going well, and the sense of normality and routine is helping me avoid feeling like everything has been spiraling out of control. I'm working on me now... Nov 18, 2024 It's been a month since I finally was able to share the success of my divorce from Alex. My mood swings are still happening, but they don't last quite as long anymore so I'm taking that as a good sign. My therapist recommended that I sign up for some kind of physical activity, just to help work out and channel what she called the fight/flight instincts more. So I've joined a local self-defense club and I'm going twice a week. I felt really awkward in the beginning, but they've all been super nice and welcoming so it's been easier. It has helped I think, a lot of my jitteriness and anxiety has calmed and I'm sleeping better as well. I've also joined a book club, though it's all online at the moment, they're discussing the possibility of meeting in person rather than over skype at a local park. It's hard, honestly. I feel like a kid that just changed schools and sometimes feel like it's either sink or swim. My therapist pointed out that if I feel like I'm sinking to stop, take a step back and remind myself that I have all the control over my actions - if I don't like something I don't have to do it. I can feel my emotions but I also need to not let them control and dictate my actions. She also pointed out how I've developed a tendency to try and fix other people's bad moods. She told me that they're adults, and it's not my responsibility to manage anyone else's emotions other than my own. It's been hard. But... I'm getting there. I think in a year, as a celebration for my divorce, I may go visit my grandmother's grave. Just to talk if nothing else as silly as that may sound. I passed on your thanks to my lawyer, who smiled and said - a bit smugly I might add - that he loves giving people who thought they were untouchable the karma they deserved. He went on to add that he enjoyed being 'Karma's helping hand'. My lawyer has kept abreast of what's been happening with Alex and his sister both, just to make sure they don't try anything. According to him, my ex-sil threw a fit when she was let go from the DV center, enough that she was barred from the premises. It seems that she shares some traits with her brother in regards to temper. She's now working at Lowes apparently, as while she was a volunteer at the DV center, she has to pay some fines for damages she caused during the incident that got her banned. As for Alex, he's been quiet which worried me at first. But my lawyer told me he's keeping his head down. He's gotten another job with a construction crew, but with everything he has to pay, he cannot afford to lose his job. I was awarded damages for emotional distress and harm, as he never touched me physically. I was able to prove my statements thanks to records of the text conversations between Alex and I regarding the tracker and not leaving the house without permission. As my financial situation is stable, I don't need Alimony, so my Lawyer advised not to try for it and focus on compensation for damages in stead. Alex's family apparently hates me now, as they've reached out to my lawyer, telling him to pass on the message that I've successfully ruined both Alex and his sister's lives over my 'lies'. Honestly, at this point... I'm getting to the point of not caring anymore. I only have so much to give right now for emotional needs and I want it for my own, not to expend on someone else if that makes any kind of sense. So that's where I'm at right now. It's hard, coming up to the holidays and being alone but a few weeks ago, I found a kitten in the alley next to my work. He's a tiny, raggedy little thing. He's black, long hair with three white paws and he's also missing his tail. He's got the first vertebrae but nothing else. According to the vet, mom may have accidently bitten it off at birth... which I didn't even know happened but apparently it does. I'm calling him Bandit. So I'm not alone anymore, but now I have a kitten that thinks EVERYTHING needs to be hunted... including my toes to I wear slippers constantly cause those little claws of his are like freaking daggers I swear. I'll update again if anyone wants me to, but yeah... that's where things are now. Bandit photos per request Nov 18, 2024 OOP pays cat tax with 10 pics of Bandit NEW UPDATE Update on my new life Feb 1, 2026 Hello everyone, I know it's been a long time since my last update. I didn't want to bog everyone down with small little things here and there as recovering and learning who I am feels like a process that never seems to end. But good things have happened, my life has stabilized, and I wanted to give all of you who have supported me and offered me advice and encouragement the update you deserve. So here goes. First, Bandit is doing great. He's a little skittish sometimes, I think from just finding him as a stray kitten some of that still stuck around but he's quiet and a menace all at once. I sometimes wonder if he sent out signal because about five months ago another kitten decided to make my house his home and I couldn't say no. So now I have two cats. His name is Maverick and he lives up, and down, to his name constantly. He's a full time cuddler as if you sit he wants on your lap and purrs constantly, adores meat, and loves to make Bandits life chaos like an annoying little brother. I can provide photos if anyone wants them. Second, my job is going well. It's stable, challenging and keeps me focused so I'm not getting lost in my own head all the time as I might have if the work was easy. The rest of the time I feel like I'm a cat herder and losing. I signed a lease on a new apartment, about a month ago, I've got a good 1B/1B apartment that came with an in unit washer/dryer which was got so excited for then felt so old at the fact that I got excited over that. Health wise, I got a new GP and had a bunch of tests run and thankfully everything came back clear though she did warn I showed signs of high blood pressure, but that it could be caused due to stress and circumstances rather than diet or genetics and encouraged me to continue with my physical exercise. I've also started what I call international night, where on friday nights after work I cook a dish/meal from another country. It's been fun, I've had good and bad ones admittedly but it's been enjoyable so if anyone has any recipe suggestions I'd love to hear them! Therapy is still a process but progress is there. I'm not panicking or having spirals nearly as much, and when I do they aren't as bad. Notably so. I've made a decent group of friends here, and while none are 'sister' level yet, they are good people, and genuinely care about me. I did visit my grandmother's grave about two months ago. Had a breakdown there but in spite of the snow I still felt warm if that makes any sense, even if the wind made my face feel like a kid licking a frozen pole ouch. It helped to just pour it out to someone who understood, and couldn't say anything, to just vent and bleed it out. My therapist 'requested' I call her after, and I did so. It feels weird to have someone so invested in my mental health like that even outside of her office. Good weird though. Lastly, Alex and his family. I haven't contacted them, haven't wanted to honestly. I know I've gotten a lot of DM's from people claiming that by saying how much I thought about what Alex and his family did meant I missed my Ex-Husband and felt guilty. I don't quite follow that logic but I just didn't respond to them. That said, no I don't miss him or his family. I miss what I thought I once had, and mourn the future we could have had had he not turned out to be a controlling narcissist. But I don't miss him, his family, nor do I regret leaving. Alex is still working at the construction company, and his sister was let go from Lowes though why I don't know, nor do I care all that much as long as they leave me alone. Alex is dating again, but none of them seem to stick around long. He was charged by the officer for the assault, but got off with probation sadly. I know it might be a bit of a boring update given the chaotic whirlwind it was before, but the calm is so nice. I just wanted to let everyone know I'm okay, I'm still healing and to thank you all again for your advice, support and encouragement. More Cat Tax Bandit and Maverick per request THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/themachucajr My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship” Originally posted to r/Marriage BoRU 1 BoRU 2 TRIGGER WARNING: possible controlling behavior Original Post May 7, 2024 My wife (35f) and I (35m) have been married for 15 years and we've been together for 20 years. We have two kids (12,14) we absolutely adore and work tirelessly to provide the best possible life for them. For the past 3 years, things have been somewhat bumpy. I understand that our kids are at an age where they require a ton of our attention and resources with school, band, club sports, and other extracurriculars and I'm aware of the physical and emotional toll that can have on marriages. However, for these past 3 years, my wife and I have had very little intimacy and very little sex and we've been trying very hard to work on that aspect of our relationship. This past year has been the most difficult and by far the darkest year in our marriage. We didn’t talk very much, we essentially became roommates coparenting our kids under the same roof. It was very depressing and very demoralizing. It was to the point where we began contemplating divorce and it became very dark and gloomy in the household because of that. We began seeking help with both individualized therapy and couples therapy and it seems to have helped some. Little by little we started to get along and started to have deeper conversations about what our marriage looks like and what we would love for it to look like. This is where it gets tough. As time passed, my wife started to tell me she no longer was "in love with me" and that she only saw me as a "best friend." That she only loved me in a very platonic way, and this was one of the main reasons she didn’t have any desire for intimacy and let alone sex. This was very shocking to me and quite frankly, I was devastated. I because angry and depressed and I couldn't fathom the thought that I was no longer wanted or desired by the person I felt completely in love with. Things began to deteriorate again and not long after, we were back to square one. I sat down with her one afternoon and had a heart to heart and began to ask questions about where the root of this problem lies, and her answer was "I don't know" and that "I have built up resentment towards you but I don't know where it stems from." As you can imagine, this provides very little to no insight into how to approach this. I'm puzzled, I'm frustrated and I do not know what to do at this point. Currently, we've arrived at a place where she says that she has no sex drive and no desire for intimacy or connection. She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic. I asked her what I could possibly do or what is it about me that is so unattractive or undesirable and she her response is always "I don't know." She stated that she does "love" me but its not the same. That she has been feeling disconnected for years and that our marriage just takes up too much work. Her focus is only the children for now and that my coparenting contributions are "meaningful" to her in our home. I'm at a loss and I'm mainly venting about my frustration. It's tough to realize that the person you love has no feelings for you. I feel like at this point I'm only here to contribute financially and as a parent. I feel like what she means with "companionship" is that she's comfortable with the convenience of having a good father for our kids and my financial contribution to the household. In regard to intimacy and/or sex, she basically told me that its not something she’s interested in or wants at this time. She mentioned that the only way to get to a point for any of that is to be intoxicated which o believe is incredibly awful and very wrong. I told her I do not think forcing herself to have sex or be intimate by drinking or smoking is good and I declined to be a part of that which to my surprise, it upset her and made her more distant. We're both extremely honest and transparent. We've never cheated on each other and we are always free to look through each others phones, emails, socials, etc. and we hardly ever do. I asked her if there was someone else and she declined. Honestly, I believe her. We then peacefully went through each other’s things and as expected, it was clean. We've always been very forward, even with the hard topics so I don't smell nor feel any foul play or infidelity. Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated? (I'm firm on my stance of not partaking in this "only when I'm high or drunk" sex because it doesn’t sit well with me.) I do not know how to help our situation and I'm starting to become a bit anxious and desperate. We're both fairly young and healthy individuals and good looking. We both have good standing careers and are good parents. I'm just not sure how our lives could have driven us to this point. I'd love some outside perspective on this matter and some insight on how to address something like this. It feels so awful to be unwanted and undesired by my own spouse. I hate it. tl;dr: My wife of 15+ years is no longer in love with me and doesn’t know way and now says she can only have sex while intoxicated or I need to settle for a platonic sexless marriage and she doesn’t know why that is but it is what it is and I'm in need of insight or advice. RELEVANT COMMENTS/MISSING REASONS Commenters looked at his history and found they were swingers We did some swinging in the past. That was fun for some time. We mutually decided to stop doing it and we have established it’s not the case. When we were swinging however, our marriage seemed to be in a good place. This IS something we did disclose with our couple therapist and made sure to include it to make sure we’re not neglecting an obvious potential issue. I will say, I did ask my wife if what she experienced during swinging is something that is affecting her view on our relationship and she said it wasn’t. Our swinging experience was always together and it was very sex driven. Nothing really emotional or “poly”. Truth is, I have to believe her at her word. I have no reason to distrust her. To date, she’s always been very forward and never afraid of dealing things head on. No matter how painful. If this is a consequence of swinging This issue existed long before the lifestyle. & I agree that swinging wasn’t a solution in the end. Never was meant to be, it was more of discovering or exploring if she felt any different. If that was the case, we agreed we would talk about and if we arrive at the conclusion that “myself” is the problem and she has no problem with other men, we would amicably part ways. However this wasn’t the case. She didn’t like sex nor intimacy there either. She was very much in control of that whole swinging situation. And yes, I went along with it. What gives? It felt very organic and it was her “effort” if you will, to discovering more and learning more about our current issue. I saw it as a means of learning if I’m the problem and was very much ready to accept that. It turns out it wasn’t the case. Six years of miser sound awful. I would very much hate that. OOP on if the this started when the swinging ended Finally a comment on the swinging topic with actual insight. You’re absolutely right about the fact that the swinging experience had things/changes that will impact our marriage and lives forever. For example, the best thing swinging taught us (even above sexual exploration) was the level of transparent and open communication it requires. We would literally have mental orgasms having dialog with such intentionality. We implemented that in ALL our lives and areas including parenting with our children. She even agrees that we’re thankful for that takeaway from our swinging. Honestly, I cannot stress it enough with people here. Yes, we explored swinging, however it was actually a positive experience. When we decided to stop, it was because it felt natural and organic to just do so. In fact, we met with that couple who we mesh super well with the night before. We actually enjoyed the actual friendship and even spent time as vanilla friends. So it wasn’t because of something negative. Wife mentioned that it certainly wasn’t any better and since she’s not enjoying the sex we both agreed there’s no point to this. I agreed and we moved on and we’re still friends with those people because it’s great. All that said I know, more often than not, swinging causes massive issues. However, this was something we explored in pursuit of a solution to an issue that was present way before. I think of it as taking a “practical” approach to trying to solve the problem. Update May 15, 2024 I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation. One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives. We experience sever poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids. I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships. For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree. At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually. Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post). I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page. I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging. I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship. I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome. Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional. Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it." She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues. We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself. I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course. We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less." This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own. I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen. I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign. Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better. Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best. TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples. RELEVANT COMMENTS CatsGambit So, I'm going to assume that your wife has a lucrative job and you are both going 50/50 on childcare, as you both work and share children. Because otherwise, this approach is just plain financially abusive (and if you're planning on saying "I won't pay the bills unless you have sex with me", sexually abusive as well). Assuming that is the case and you aren't a total POS, I'm actually interested in how this works out for you. I feel like I'm in an unstated, similar situation- we both work and have blended finances, but we don't go to bed together or eat together, have barely any intimacy (a kiss or two, hugs every couple days), and spend.... maybe 8 hours a week together, just the three of us (him, me, and the toddler). Even less just the two of us- maybe 3 hours a week? Otherwise, he is on his game, or out playing sports, watching youtube, or whatever else he does. It barely feels like a friends situation, let alone a marriage. I'm curious how she handles it, as the spouse that presumably was pulling away first- I hope you keep us updated. OOP Yes we both have degrees, good careers and while I make significantly more money, her salary is very proficient and above average. The 50/50 was not to cripple nor hurt her financially (that is cruel) but mostly to send a message on what a “roommate” dynamic looks like in the real world. I really dislike how people immediately jump to conclusions about the finances as a way of manipulating her. It’s not the case at all. Plenty of money left over after bills. However 50/50 means she has less “whatever” money AND the understanding that roommates share everything equally. Prior to this 180 approach, we did everything together and with our kids. We always saw ourselves as a “unit” that do things together. Both alone and with the kids too. That’s changed now where I’m choosing to focus on more independent type of pastimes and focus. That is what has sparked her reaction and realization of “there’s more” than just roommates here. When asked what if she leaves for another man Interesting. She has no shortage of men hitting on her and we’re by no means jealous people. So I’ve witnessed this multiple times and her reactions are somewhat indifferent. I will say, if another man for her was the answer, she’d tell me or she’d have some inkling maybe? There’s no telling but I think the problem is deeper than superficial attention from a different person. Update 2 July 19, 2024 I debated for a long time on whether to submit an update on this matter. A few significant changes have taken place and I felt it would be good to not only share with you, but also to allow myself to process all of this in a uniform way. We're now almost 9 weeks in on the 180 method I mentioned I was starting and it started to render some positive reactions from my wife. I explained in the previous posts that she started to notice things that she previously took for granted, started to ask more about my whereabouts and also started to notice I would go out with the kids more often without her and she started to invite herself to which I didn't decline. So much has changed and it has changed for what seems to be for the better. This past Memorial Day weekend, my wife asked me if I wanted to go out for coffee because she wanted to talk to me about something. This was HUGE, because I can't recall when the last time my wife asked to "talk" to me about something important. I must admit, I was very nervous and worried about what this could be about and my mind was racing with the plethora of scenarios of what it could possibly be. Of course I agreed and we took some time away from the kids to have this conversation at a local coffee shop. The talk was very constructive in nature. There was a ton of insightful information about herself that helped me further understand where she is in life both emotionally and mentally. We summarized what the core issues we are encountering are and she asked me for help! This is NEW, and I cannot tell you how excited I was hearing something so sincere coming from my wife who for the last 2+ years has been absent. So, after she was through sharing all her thoughts, I proposed a plan that I felt was right for us. This is something that I had been thinking about these last few weeks and I was planning on bringing this up in a few months if I noticed that things were not changing for the better. This "date" felt like the right place to share it since it goes hand in hand with what she talked about, and it also relates to the help she was asking me for. I started by first acknowledging her feelings and her concerns. I told her they are valid and how she feels is personal to her and that I care that she feels this way because I don't like the thought of her being sad or depressed. I also told her that my goal still is and will always be for us to reconcile and be the "happily ever after" we vowed to be for each other and that my love for her is as strong, if not stronger, as it was the day we said "I Do." I continued the conversation by telling her how I felt about the whole situation (read my previous posts for details) and how it affects me every day. I also clarified some things that she mentioned she was feeling because how I have been very distant and monotone (transactional) lately. I explained to her that I was very much trying to protect my feelings and emotions from the rejection and neglect and that it wasn't personal, it was simply me safeguarding myself because I cannot control her, I can only control myself. This was a perfect segue way to the core of this approach which is focused on self accountability. I told her that for the longest time I was always working hard to make her happy and do things that I knew she enjoyed or wanted. However, I was always met with rejection and disappointment which caused a load of stress on me. I explained to her that I had to make a change for myself. Afterall, I can only control myself and make the changes that I want for myself. I mentioned how I was starting to implement new habits and routines that help edify me all while still executing all of our shared responsibilities including parenting, finances, and daily living activities. I explained that the goal is to continue to improve myself both as a husband and father, learn more, and be healthier (among other things). She was very receptive to this. She told me that she sees what I'm doing and that she is proud of the changes she has seen. She also told me how she's starting to realize that she feels left behind and that much of the things that have affected her negatively are her own fault. Toward the end of the conversation which was about 3 hours, there was a very high spirit of reconciliation in the room. I told her that my goal is to ultimately make this work, however I was very clear that I was not going to live under the current circumstances. I told her that my heart wants her to be happy even if it means elsewhere and that I also deserve to be happy myself. I also explained that I do not want our children to grow up thinking this was ok or normal because they deserve better as well. She told me she doesn't either, she told me she doesn't know what to do to which I replied, "lets set some clear goals however, the goals will be for ourselves, NOT for each other." So, here is what we established: ​ We are in charge of our own happiness: the key here is that she's not responsible for making me happy, and vice versa. We both need to seek what that personal plan looks like individually. Also, we're both encouraged to include each other in taking those steps if we want, but it is not required. ​ We are in control of our own individual lives and our own journey: this means we're both responsible in finding the resources necessary to grow, change and heal. We can definitely help one another when help is requested, however, unsolicited advice or help will not be rendered. ​ We are responsible for communicating: this ensures nothing is left unsaid. If it was never brought up or discussed, it never happened. We're not mind readers and we need to take ownership when we fail to communicate. ​ Make a list of needs and wants: this gives us both clear direction about meeting each others needs. This also gives us a CHOICE as to what we want/choose to do, compromise on, or decline to do. This list also will not serve as a checklist for accountability! We made it clear we would NOT be bringing this list up for the purpose of arguing, and it was up to the other person to use the list as a tool for growth, transparency or clarification. We concluded that it was up to us to decide if we will be happy doing these things for OURSELVES because we care, not to simply check a box. This was very important in order to establish long term habits and not short term band aids because you cannot "make" someone change or do something they don't believe is important. ​ Established a deadline (Memorial Day 2025) At the end of the conversation we concluded by setting Memorial Day 2025 as a hard stop to evaluate our lives and our progress. We agreed we would do this with the clear understanding that we will independently decide if we are happy here. If we determined we arent happy, we will be getting a divorce. We would also both assume full responsibility for what happened should we get divorced. For example, if needs were not met, it would mean "my partner chose not to meet them." This places full responsibility on each other in all areas. The whole process requires that if "needs were not met," the next question should be, "did we do everything to address this issue?" If yes, then we will have a clear conscious of what transpired and know we left no stone unturned. IF, however, we "didn't do everything to address the issue," it will mean "the issue was not important enough for you or didn't care to meet those needs." (this goes both ways in all areas, like everything else.) We established that the main motivator for change should be ourselves and that if we did that, we would in turn begin to see beneficial changes towards each other. The goal is to ensure that everything we are doing for one another to meet each others needs is being done because "we WANT to do it for our spouse, not because he/she asked. Isntead, it was done because I know it makes him/her happy and I love seeing them happy." I felt it was important to mention to her that we are no longer "required" to do anything for each other. It is now more of a "I want" to do these things for each other. Ultimately, I felt the conversation was very positive and productive. Many tears were shed and lots of hugging ensued. I know this doesn't mean or guarantee anything, however, this has never happened before and I can honestly attribute it to the 180 method (I cannot give anymore insight on this method other than its the only thing I did different and something new happened for what seems to be better). I've decided I will conclude and will refrain from this method moving forward as the plan now has changed. I'm planning to devote myself entirely to not only myself and my growth but to also work on her needs and wants because I WANT her to be happy by my side. She said and agreed she would do the same for herself. We agreed we would help and build each other wherever we request for it and that we will be approaching this as a team. As of today, some of the biggest changes I have noticed are her commitment to therapy and mental health. She is taking some antidepressants that are helping her. She is also more confident and in a far better mood more frequently. We have started to explore more ways of intimacy in multiple areas such as physical touch and words of affirmation. Sex is starting to make an appearance which is exciting (side note: sex was very very awkward to start when you've ben abstinent for so long). We've also started to workout together whcih is great and have lost weight which is also very exciting. Overall, communication has improved, and I cannot wait to see where this leads. I hope this helps someone out there. I'm still very much interested in your feedback and thoughts on this. You all have been a huge help in giving me hope and insight into this tough journey. Trolls aside, many of you have really been instrumental in my journey both emotionally and mentally. I will not be providing any more updates until Memorial Day next year. I think its now time to keep focusing on myself and start working on all the new opportunities that hopefully will arise with my wife. I wish you all the best in life and your relationships with those you love. TL;DR: Our marriage took a turn for the better after the 180 method and we're now working on ourselves, each other and rekindling our marriage. We also set a deadline for next year to either remain together or get divorced. NEW UPDATE The Final Chapter & a New Beginning Nov 29, 2025 I realize this final post is far later than I anticipated, and I truly apologize for that. But such is life, and honestly, the timing now feels right. So much has transpired since my last post that it’s hard to capture it all in words, but I’ll do my best to be thorough and as succinct as possible. I know this is my final post on the matter, and I want to offer genuine insight and meaningful takeaways from this difficult journey we’ve been on for the past few years. Are we still married? Yes. Are we happy? Yes. Has it been easy? Absolutely not. You may be wondering why the “hell no,” and that’s more than fair. The truth is, shortly after my last entry, things got worse—much worse. Just when you think you’ve hit bottom, life has a way of showing you there’s still room below. Where It All Started to Shift: In my previous posts, I shared the approach I took and the truths it uncovered—truths that were difficult to accept, including the realization that my wife genuinely didn’t want much to do with me anymore. I had essentially been friend-zoned, and our marriage was drifting into a platonic partnership I didn’t want. That’s when I used the “180 Method” (Grey Rock Method), originally designed to help victims of infidelity reclaim stability and clarity. And yes—it works. It worked for me tremendously. I’ve received a ton of hate for choosing this path, but everyone’s situation is different. There is no one-size-fits-all in marriage recovery. I have zero regrets. It helped my wife recognize her own areas for growth, and it helped me rediscover mine. For years I believed I “deserved” the pain I was experiencing because of my flaws—but that’s not true. We all have imperfections, but they don’t strip us of our worth. During this time, I focused on rebuilding myself—my health, my joy, my identity outside the marriage. I’ve since lost over 23 pounds, ran a marathon, completed two Tough Mudder challenges, developed a consistent exercise and mountain biking routine, started a business, read six books, joined a charity, and raised more than $52,000 for my children’s school. People misunderstand the 180 Method. It’s not just about how you treat the spouse—it’s about reclaiming you. Where We Are Now: The 180 Method gave me the space to focus on myself and my kids while still remaining faithful and committed to the marriage. I gave my wife an ultimatum (see previous posts), and we mutually agreed on what we each needed to work on—along with a timeline. Was the timeline perfect? No. Were there hiccups? Constantly. That’s the nature of relationships. You cannot remove the human element—our flaws, our emotions, our setbacks. This process came with relapses, depression, unrelated conflicts, insecurities, and the need for constant readjustment. This is where grace and adaptability became essential. Imagine practicing the 180 Method—which can appear cold and distant—while simultaneously extending unexpected moments of grace. It surprised my wife, and it made a profound difference. It validated the effort we were both putting in and signaled that we were genuinely moving toward healing. One powerful shift was realizing that my wife reciprocated grace and vulnerability much more easily when she saw me practicing them. We began having deeper conversations—ones I didn’t even realize we needed. Many of those issues were mine. I had to confront my struggle with emotional vulnerability. I grew up in a “macho,” stoic culture where men don’t cry—and that mentality was silently damaging our marriage. As I worked through that, I learned that allowing myself to be vulnerable didn’t make me weak. It made me accessible. And in turn, it allowed my wife to reach parts of me and care for me in ways I had never truly experienced. That feeling of being cared for—genuinely cared for—was new. And it changed everything. Where We’re Headed: As I mentioned, things got worse before they got better. My wife had a serious breakdown early on where she felt everything was over. We hadn’t yet fixed our communication patterns, and counseling helped us realize it was time to shift out of the 180 Method and begin recognizing and validating the progress we both were making. Once we focused intentionally on communication, grace, vulnerability, and consistent practices of gratitude and emotional expression, things started to transform. Over the months that followed, we chose to show up for each other. Not out of obligation, but out of intention. Fast forward to today: Our marriage is nothing like it was a year ago—and nothing like the day I wrote my last post. Is it perfect? No. Is it worth keeping forever? Absolutely. We have a new foundation and a new commitment to the work—not just on our marriage, but on ourselves. Advice for Anyone Going Through Something Similar: Your marriage can still be something beautiful, even after unimaginable hardship. Remember why you married your partner. Remember the qualities that made them right for you. But also remember that change starts with YOU—not your partner. You can’t force them to change. You can only do the work on yourself and give them the space to choose their own path. I recommend the 180 Method/Grey Rock Method because it was essential for me—but it isn’t universal. It worked because it forced both of us to confront truth, discomfort, and growth. People on Reddit criticized me endlessly for it. But it’s your marriage—not theirs. Only you know what you can live with, what you can’t, and what your relationship truly needs. Lastly, I genuinely hope this helps anyone navigating a similar situation. I will always be pro-marriage, and I firmly believe couples can overcome even the hardest challenges if they have the desire to do so. Love can be rebuilt. Trust can be rebuilt. Intimacy can be rebuilt. I now have a marriage filled with renewed love, real emotional connection, and new hope for our future. My wife chooses me every day. We are rebuilding together with honesty, vulnerability, and intention. My children have witnessed resilience, forgiveness, and growth—and that matters deeply to me. NOTE: I’ll be sharing some resources that really truly helped us later on in a comment. I truly believe it would be beneficial for those interested. Remember: You must go all-in if you want real change. Love hard, without reservation. Rewire your mindset. Give yourself time and grace. And believe that your marriage can succeed. I pray that every marriage here finds strength, hope, and a restored path forward. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/AmoebaUnited4634 AITA for refusing to not allow my stepson to come on what was supposed to be a family trip? Originally posted to r/AITAH TRIGGER WARNING: Neglect, favoritism MOOD SPOILER: Enraging and sad Original Post Dec 7, 2025 I (48M) have been married to my wife for 13 years. I have a son (18) and she has a son (just turned 19). When they were younger, the boys were extremely close, but they slowly drifted apart as they got older. A big part of that, I think, was the financial disparity between what I could provide and what my stepson’s biological father, who is very wealthy, could give him. My stepson had the kind of childhood where he got to go on frequent mini vacations, take part in expensive activities, have nicer things, all of that. My son did not have those opportunities. I shared custody with his mom until she passed away six years ago, and between the two of us, we did our best to give him good memories, even if we could not match what my stepson’s side could afford. As the boys grew older, my son became more aware of this difference. I have always tried to reassure him that it was not hia stepbrother's fault, and that different families just have different levels of resources, but it never fully eased that feeling. Their relationship did not turn hostile or anything. They still talk, but they are not close anymore. During the summer between my son’s sophomore and junior years, I finally got a long overdue pay increase. I decided I wanted to do something special. I started saving over two years for a real vacation, something my son had never had the chance to experience. Over that time, I managed to save more than $15,000. Originally, the trip was planned as a family trip with both boys. I booked a week long lodge trip for winter break from December 13 to December 20. Both boys are in college now. My stepson finishes finals on the 8th, my son on the 11th, so the timing worked out perfectly. My wife had already told her son about the trip before I could tell mine, so he knew he was included. I booked everything in mid-November and planned to tell my son once everything was finalized. When I finally told my son, he lit up. He could not stop smiling. This would be his first real vacation, first time traveling far from our state. He just kept thanking me. I felt so proud that I could finally give him something like this. But then I mentioned that my stepson would also be coming, and his face fell immediately. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me he assumed the trip was going to be just me, him, and his stepmom or just me and him. He did not think his stepbrother would come. He said he feels like every time he finally gets something special, it ends up not being just his moment, because his stepbrother has always had so many opportunities, and this was the one thing he thought would be just for us. To be fair, most of the smaller outings over the years were just me and him. My stepson came sometimes, not always. But I understood what he meant. This is something he has never had before, and he wanted to experience it without feeling overshadowed. I told him I did not feel right excluding my stepson. It is a family trip, and he is my wife’s son. On top of that, everything was already booked. Canceling or changing would mean losing a good amount of money. My son eventually forced a smile and said he was fine. A few days later, he texted me saying he did not want to go at all. He thanked me for planning it but said he would rather stay home. I called him immediately. He insisted it was not about his stepbrother, but the more we talked, the clearer it became. He feels like he will not be happy if his stepbrother comes and does not want to bring the mood down for everyone. After receiving that text, I asked my wife how she would feel if it became just a father-son trip. She was very upset at first. She said it would be wrong to set a precedent and make it normal to exclude family members from trips. I explained that the trip was significantly cheaper that what we initially thought it would be, so the leftover money could be used for a family trip later, so everyone could still enjoy something special. I told her I also felt bad because my son literally never asks for anything and I didn’t want to disappoint him, because I really planned this trip with him in mind. She said she would be okay with the plan, though she still seemed uneasy, especially since her son had already been told about the original trip and is now upset when told he couldn’t come. RELEVANT COMMENTS Commenter YTA the trip was already planned as a family trip and stepson was invited. Your son wants to throw a tantrum about it and you just let him. He had plenty of one-on-one time with just you (per your post) and he still wants to be difficult. OOP He had one-on-one time with me, but it was always small things like movies or dinner. He never had anything close to an actual trip. That is why this felt different to him and why he wanted it to be just us. ~ OK_Conversation9750 Info: did stepson's bio dad ever offer to include your son on trips? Cuz this is seeming a bit one sided to me, with everyone saying you were wrong to exclude the step son, yet there's no mention of step son's dad including your kid. OOP No, my son was never invited on trips. ~ bushyshrew I know you're getting pounded with Y TA, but I feel quite a bit of sympathy for you OP. I think your intentions were good. So NTA there. But. How often does your son really ask you for something? Is this the first time he has done something like this? I think that is a very important consideration. Has he been going along with all of it, but feeling more and more bad, until he finally couldn't contain it anymore? And I just kind of shake my head at all the holier than thou judgements about how your son is an asshole. He told you how he really feels, and simply asked that this vacation be the two of you together alone. Did he have a tantrum and explode? Did he cuss and yell? Or did he just ask... and then quietly withdraw? Listen, I think (unlike so many of the others) that you're actually on a bit of a knife's edge OP. Sometimes with our kids, they don't express themselves well. They are still young. Communication can be very rough. It can swing WILDLY between no talk to too much emotion all at once, and we older adults need to give them grace. If your son has been holding back a lot of these feelings of resentment and wanting to do something special and be celebrated just by you (for once), then I think you have to pay careful attention to ALL the factors. Because this could become one of those deep grievances that your kid just can't or won't get over. And that would be sad. Sometimes our children really really want to know that we prioritize them and value them, and we have to show it and prove it. We have to remember just how insecure our children are and how much they need us. So I don't have judgement for anyone in this case. I do think it was bungled and you would have done better to talk to your son earlier (I mean, the stepbrother got to know before he did, even!). I really hope you can salvage this and it doesn't sow a seed of bitterness that leads to buried grievance and estrangement (gods forbid) later on. Please updateme. OOP Yes, he hardly asks for anything. For birthdays, Christmas, or other special occasions, he would never ask for anything and would always say it didn’t matter or that he didn’t mind. He was never ungrateful. That’s part of why I really wanted to give him this trip. I always felt bad I couldn't give him the things his stepbrother had. He just got quiet and resigned when he told me that. He didn’t yell or anything. bushyshrew Yeah I'm going to stand by my previous comment. When you have a child who is quiet like yours (mine is too), you have to be more vigilant as a parent to really take the time to assess their feelings and how deep they run. My husband is like this too. Very quiet, so by the time he actually SAYS something, you know it's fucking important. It's like a glacier. Only the top 10% is showing. Honestly? I would tell your wife and stepson that this is big. This is serious. And sorry, you need to really take care of your son and focus on him and SHOW HIM that his feelings and wants are important to you. I just have a weird feeling that if you don't, you will really come to regret this much later when it's too late. Sorry for the doom and gloom but my mom radar just went OFF with your post. Another edit to say: the fact that your son got very quiet and resigned.... he's THIS close to giving up. It's not when they are screaming and yelling that you should get scared, it's when they withdraw and pull away. Then you're almost too late and you have to ACT. Another 2 cents from a supportive parent. And the sons relationship with his mom They went out to eat often. Thats about it. She passed away 6 years ago. Update Dec 30, 2025 After reading the comments, I talked to my son more about it. He still didn’t want to go on the trip. We tried to work it out, but he was firm. So my wife, my stepson, and I went without him. I thought maybe I could use the extra money to do something just for him later or keep saving for the summer. I had a good time on the trip, but I really missed having him there. I kept in touch while we were away and knew he was staying with my parents. When we got back, he still wasn’t home. I called to ask when he’d be coming back and he said he’d stay with his grandparents until school started. We spent Christmas Eve with my wife’s family and then traveled to my parents’ place on Christmas Day, where he was. He mostly stayed in the guest room. I tried talking to him, he talked back, but minimally. He told me he was fine. I tried to give him money for Christmas. He thanked me, but told me he didn’t want it. I sent him a text the day after Christmas because I was hurt and didn’t want him thinking I was trying to upset him. I even offered another vacation just for him and me, but he declined. He told me that growing up, he sometimes resented and felt jealous of his stepbrother. When I framed the trip as something special for him, he realized it wasn’t really just for him at all. Watching his stepbrother’s dad always give him experiences and things, he just wanted one of those moments for himself, something that was completely his, just me and him, without having to share. He said he just wanted us to experience something first, something that was his, because growing up had been rough. His stepbrother went on trips often, got birthday celebrations, Christmas trips, and other outings, and no one cared about how he felt. He said it hurt a lot to grow up watching all of that happen while he didn’t get the same opportunities. He talked about how even on his birthdays or when his grandparents would take him out to a water park, his stepbrother always had to come along. He never understood why he was always forced to share experiences while his stepbrother got to do other things without him. He wanted something he could call his own, a moment just for him. When I told him about the trip, a lot of the happiness he felt at first was from thinking it could finally be something for him alone. But then he realized his stepbrother was going to be there, and that took it away. He admitted he was angry when he left to stay with my parents, but my mom told him to use that anger as motivation for school. Now he’s planning to focus on school so he can take himself on nice trips in the future, and that will mean more to him. He said he’s okay with not doing anything with me right now and that he’s looking forward to the future, hoping he can afford the things he wants. He said he didn’t want to feel like he’s my second choice. I don’t know. I feel hurt and guilty. I worry I might have messed up my relationship with him and I don’t know how to fix it. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwranewcartotaled How do I (28F) tell my husband (27M) his brand new car has been totaled? Originally posted to r/relationship_advice TRIGGER WARNING: Mental health issues, attempted homicide, verbal abuse, destruction of property Original Post - rareddit Dec 21, 2021 This happened earlier today and I've been an emotional wreck all day so I'm sorry if I ramble too much or leave out some details. I'll respond to any relevant questions and edit my post to include them. This will probably only make sense if I tell you a bit about my ex-friend (let's call her "Lucy"). I met her in freshman year college and she was part of a larger friend group because we all lived in the same hall. For as long as I've known her, she has had pretty significant mood swings. Sometimes she was a super sweet and caring person but when she gets stressed out she would become verbally and physically abusive and blame everything in the universe if there's something negative happening in her life. Her abusive side has gotten progressively worse since college. I could write a whole book about Lucy but I'll spare you the details because it's not directly related to the advice I'm trying to get. Over the last couple each of the people in our friend group have cut contact with her, and i think I was probably the last one to still respond to her. Every conversation I have with her goes in circles and she ends up back in a state of anger and frustration and I usually hang up when she hurls verbal abuse at me. I met my husband about 3 years ago and he has always been incredibly supportive of me. I have vented to him many times about Lucy because interactions with her always leave me feeling emotionally drained and feeling like I'm going crazy. He has encouraged me many times to cut contact with her because "it's not worth setting yourself on fire to keep her warm". So earlier this month I blocked her. Earlier today I ran into Lucy at the grocery store, and she confronted me about why I haven't been responding to her. She started screaming so I left the grocery store and went home but as I was pulling into my apartment parking lot I see a car speeding towards me. Sure enough it was Lucy's car. I think she was aiming for me but I steered the car away so she ended up crashing into the rear door behind me and destroying both our cars. Before I was able to compose myself after the crash, she drove off with the front part of her car missing. I called the police and told them everything. Thankfully I'm uninjured. All afternoon I've been calling insurance and trying to look for options to get the car fixed. Nothing is finalized yet but the insurance agent said judging by the pictures he's not optimistic that it's fixable / worth fixing. I know I need to tell my husband, but how do I tell him the car that he's been saving up for years and then spending months waiting for to arrive is damaged beyond repair? Especially because I feel partially responsible since in hindsight I realize I should have cut contact with Lucy years ago. A part of me knows that outwardly he'll brush it off, say that he's happy that I'm safe, and that objects can be replaced, but I'm scared that he'll resent me. He loves this car, he has a strong sentimental attachment to it because it's his first car, and he's even given it a cute nickname like a pet. We joke about how it's like his first-born child (we don't have any kids yet). And it's the holidays, what kind of crap holiday present is it to find out that your brand new car that you got 2 weeks ago got totaled? I've tried looking at ways to buy him a new one, but I obviously can't make such a big financial decision without discussing it together. And the other problem is current delivery times for this car is 10+ months (it's a tesla for anyone wondering why it takes so long). We could buy used, but used prices are even higher than new, and the used cars have 20K+ miles on them. He is on a business trip right now, and will be coming back on Friday for the holidays. I'm struggling between deciding to tell him now or telling him in person when he gets back. What words can I even use to tell him? TLDR: I've been driving my husband's brand new car for the last couple days as mine is at the dealership because of a recall that requires repairs. He loves this car, has been saving up to buy it, and waited like 4 months for it to get delivered. My ex-friend (27F) that I cut contact with earlier this month crashed into me today, totaling the car. I feel partially responsible and I'm terrified about how to tell my husband that his "baby" is gone. He's away on a business trip until Friday. RELEVANT COMMENTS dev-246 Has Lucy been arrested? It sounds like you need a restraining order OOP The police arrested her and called me to let me know about an hour later. Apparently it wasn't too hard because she was at home and the front part of her car was missing. mysweetsummer16 Then honestly .. just call ur husband and tell him. Just start off with.. “I’m Ok” but unfortunately this psycho bitch literally rammed her car into yours. I’ve already called the insurance company.. and she’s been arrested.. “ it’s car - it wasn’t ur life.. so hopefully he is a bit considerate and understanding.. 🤷🏼‍♀️. CrisirR Yup, I don't understand why OP is apprehensive about telling this to your husband, when I psycho just literally tried to kill her. If the husband actually do get upset at her, that should tell you where his priorities lies. ~ diagnosedwolf Someone tried to kill you. Do you realise that? The reason that Lucy was arrested is because she tried to kill you. Call your husband and tell him that you’re okay. Reassure him that you weren’t hurt when this sociopath rammed into you at full speed. Tell him that she’s been arrested and can’t make another attempt on your life, that you’re safe, so he doesn’t need to come home. Explain to him that the car is badly damaged, but that you survived the attempted murder. Your husband is going to be relieved that you’re alright. He’s going to be upset about the car, sure - but probably sometime later. Hearing the news that his wife was nearly killed is going to take up his attention for a little while. ashcan_not_trashcan This. I would also emphasize that the brand new car saved you from being seriously injured as well. Update - rareddit Dec 26, 2021 (5 days later) I posted earlier this week to ask for advice about how to tell my husband his new car got totaled when the ex-friend that I cut off earlier this month rammed into me. I appreciate everyone taking the time to give me advice. I wasn't thinking clearly and it was really helpful to get some online strangers to talk some sense into me. In hindsight I was too hyper-focused on the car and didn't really fully process the fact that someone I've known for 7+ years almost actually killed me. As for breaking the news to my husband, that didn't turn out quite the way I expected. I knew that I had to tell him as soon as possible and I was trying to figure out the best way to phrase it. But about 20 minutes after I made my post, he actually called me in a panic because he was afraid I was in a coma in the hospital or something. Turns out his Tesla and the phone app has a lot more bells and whistles than I knew about. It sent him notifications and videos from the car's cameras about the crash, but he didn't see them until the evening. His company has a strict policy about only company-issued phones being allowed to be turned on while in the tech center office, so when he finished work and pulled out his personal phone, he was greeted by multiple notifications that a crash had occurred and links to the videos. Since by that point it had been many hours since the crash, he was terrified that I had been seriously injured. At first he was incredibly upset with me for not calling him immediately on his work phone. After I apologized profusely and explained the whole story, his frustration turned to concern and he insisted I go see a doctor to get a full physical even though I felt fine. He then got the first flight he could find the next morning and he's been spending the last few days with me and taking his work meetings remotely. I've apologized a couple times for not cutting my ex-friend "Lucy" off earlier before my husband came into my life and I've apologized for the loss of his car, but each time he just brushes it off and says something that melts my heart like "I'm happy that the car did its job and protected you from Lucy" or "the car is a thing, and things are replaceable, you're not". The insurance paperwork still isn't finalized yet, but it's looking increasingly likely that the car will be a total loss. I think my husband placed an order, or at least is seriously contemplating placing a new order, for a new car. We'll probably have to wait 10-12 months to get it, but in the meantime we still have my car to drive and we'll figure something out. My husband also wants us to do some marriage counseling because he says I have a tendency to avoid or push off difficult conversations. After this week, I realize he's probably right so we'll be exploring that early next year. As for me, I'm glad I escaped the crash mostly unscathed. I got an urgent care appointment for the next day and the doctor concluded there wasn't anything seriously wrong with me but recommended I get a more comprehensive check from my primary care physician next week. Two of my teeth have been hurting since Tuesday and I'm not sure if it's related to the crash - my husband suspects I might have bitten down too hard on my teeth as I was bracing myself for the crash and cracked something, but I made an appointment with the dentist next week to check. In my original post I didn't say much about what happened with Lucy after the crash because the post was already getting long and it wasn't directly relevant the advice I was seeking. But the police arrested her soon after the crash and called me to let me know. Apparently it was pretty easy because they found her at home (I gave them her address) and the front section of her car was missing and beaten up. They asked her if she had been in an accident earlier that morning and she told them a harrowing tale about how she barely escaped a violent motorcycle gang. When the police asked her why she didn't report it or seek assistance from emergency responders, she "looked like a gobsmacked goldfish". This was all told to me by the detective assigned to my case - I didn't witness the arrest myself. I've been in contact with the other people from my college friend group that also knew Lucy, and they all expressed a mix of sympathy, mild surprise, and appreciation for me giving them a heads up. One of my friends actually had a situation a couple years ago where Lucy threatened to hurt my friend's dog after she cut contact with Lucy, but nothing ended up happening so they forgot about it and moved on with life. My husband and I are searching for lawyers to help us with filing a restraining order as well as exploring other possible legal actions, but we haven't gotten many replies back yet because it's the holidays. I doubt it'll be worth the time and money to sue Lucy for damages, but it's an option we're considering. The attorneys that we have had preliminary consultations with so far have all advised us not to speak to Lucy directly nor speak too much about this situation publicly aside from basic facts while there's pending litigation/legal considerations so I won't be posting any more about her in the foreseeable future. Long story short, we're overall doing pretty well. The craziness has settled down a bit and my husband and I are sticking to our planned holiday festivities. Thanks again for everyone's input and happy holidays! FINAL COMMENTS AgentOOX A violent motorcycle gang? Lucy doesn’t strike me as being the best liar huh? As for your teeth, I think your husband’s suspicions are probably right. I was in a car accident a couple years ago where I was rear ended. I ended up with some tooth pain so went to the dentist. Her first question was “did you see the car coming towards you?”. Apparently it’s common for people to damage their teeth by biting down too hard while bracing themselves for an incoming hit. OOP The strange thing is, she was actually a very good liar back in college. Our entire friend group bought into her sad stories about her childhood, hook line and sinker. It wasn't until years later that we realized she had lied about a lot of things and everything unraveled. But maybe we were all just too naive. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Every year, I go to the movie theater as much as possible. It's my favorite place in the world. I first started keeping track/scores/reviews/ticket stubs in 2015. Since then, I've seen 1,827 different movies in theaters: 5 in 2015, 9 in 2016, 146 in 2017, 162 in 2018, 192 in 2019, 44 in 2020, 86 in 2021, 270 in 2022, 325 in 2023, 298 in 2024, and 290 this year. For this ranking, I'm only counting movies I saw in theaters, nothing that I watched at home. I'm not counting re-watches. I don't have a specific scoring system, it's just a rating I give to the movie right after watching. I've included a few re-releases, short films, and TV series, as long as they were seen in a theater (and for the first time). This is all just for fun and not meant to be taken super seriously, I'm not a professional movie critic. I just like going to the movies. I attended 9 film festivals in 2025 for a total of 124 movies. 97 movies had cast and/or crew in attendance for Q&As. There were 26 World Premieres, 11 North American Premieres, 11 Canadian Premieres, 11 East Coast Premieres, 17 Southeast Premieres, 20 Florida/Georgia/Orlando/US/Tampa/South Florida/International Premieres: Toronto International Film Festival - 29 Movies in 7 Days SCAD Savannah Film Festival - 29 Movies in 8 Days Fantasia Film Festival - 18 Movies in 6 Days Florida Film Festival - 13 Movies in 5 Days Miami Film Festival - 11 Movies in 5 Days Popcorn Frights Film Festival - 11 Movies in 8 Days Gasparilla International Film Festival - 6 Movies in 3 Days Miami Jewish Film Festival - 5 Movies in 3 Days Rendez-Vous Cinema Quebec - 2 Movies in 2 Days There were 11 movies that I re-watched in theaters: One Battle After Another - x7 Hamnet - x3 Nouvelle Vague - x2 Sinners - x2 If I Had Legs I'd Kick You - x2 The Testament of Ann Lee - x2 Highest 2 Lowest - x2 The Life of Chuck - x2 Him - x2 Twinless - x2 Sentimental Value - x2 I have AMC's A-List, Regal's Unlimited, Cinemark's MovieClub, as well as memberships to the Fort Lauderdale, Miami, and Toronto film societies. I saw 290 movies in theaters in 2025. Here is my full ranking: The Testament of Ann Lee - 10/10 - It's a sprawling, intoxicating, and beautiful historical-epic with some of the best dance-sequence choreography I've ever seen on film. All of the performances are perfect, the songs/prayers are all memorable, the narration grabs you from the first second and never lets go, and it's got the most confident directing of the year. I wanted 5 more hours of Mother Ann's story. In a fair world, Amanda Seyfried is the runaway Best Actress Oscar winner. This'll go down as one of the best period-dramas of the 21st century. There's one or two masterpieces per year, Ann Lee a no-doubter for one of those spots. One Battle After Another - 10/10 - Green Acres, Beverly Hillbillies, and Hooterville Junction. Marty Supreme - 10/10 The Perfect Neighbor - 9/10 - I've not cried in a movie theater this much since Moonlight. It's the kind of movie that will make your blood boil and will make you melt to your seat by the end. The bodycam footage where the dad has to tell his two sons that their mother isn't coming home is something that will leave a scar on your heart forever. It's also very impressive on a technical level, the best documentary editing since Apollo 11 in 2019. I can't imagine all of the work that went into piecing this thing together. Sinners - 9/10 Brokeback Mountain (Re-Release) - 9/10 - I'm a bit late to the party here, this 20th anniversary theatrical-release was the first time I've seen this movie, and goddamn was it worth the wait. One of the most powerful love stories ever shot. It's the ultimate "what could've been" love story. Heath's performance is generational. I'm now a card-carrying member of the Brokeback Mountain Was Robbed for Best Picture by Crash Society™. Warfare - 9/10 - You can't talk about Warfare without first shouting out the insanely-great sound design. You could watch this movie with your eyes closed and still be impressed. An impossibly-tense war movie that makes 95 minutes feel like 10 minutes. It's really this generation's Black Hawk Down (huge compliment). It's a lot more grounded and believable though, with an outstanding ensemble cast. I love that nobody is a supersoldier in this, just guys in a bad spot in a bad point in time. It doesn't glorify but it also doesn't minimize. This movie will stand the test of time as one of the best war films of the decade. This thing was custom-built in a movie-lab just for me. Sorry, Baby - 9/10 - Eva Victor is 2025's major revelation. This movie is heartbreaking, hilarious, bittersweet, and soul-warming. It's probably the best Original Screenplay of the year too. This made me realize how much I really missed Lucas Hedges. So cool to see him pop up again. Bugonia - 9/10 - Yorgos doesn't miss. Hamnet- 9/10 - An all-time child-actor performance from Jacobi Jupe. This movie is equally soul-crushing and hopeful. Jessie Buckley's close-up when Hamnet dies is pound-for-pound the best single scene of the year. F1 - 9/10 - As far as fun-summer-blockbuster movies go, F1 is as good as it gets. It's this year's Top Gun: Maverick. Was it cliche? Yes. Was it predictable? Yes. Did I have a fucking blast for 2 hours? Also, yes. Keep pumping these out, Apple. The Phoenician Scheme - 9/10 - Asteroid City & The French Dispatch were slight missteps, but Wes Anderson is officially back. This movie overflows with heart & laughs. (with 10/10 production/set design as usual) Sacrifice - 9/10 - Anya Taylor-Joy was born to play an Icelandic eco-terrorist and Chris Evans was born to play the narcissitic, A-List actor in a rut suddenty thrust back into the limelight. Gorgeously shot, laugh-a-minute first act. I had a really great time with this one, it reminded me a lot of Don't Look Up. Very surprised everyone hates it. The Smashing Machine - 9/10 Magazine Dreams - 8/10 - Jonathan Majors comes in with maybe one of the most physically-demanding performances of all time. Without the real-life drama, this might've been an Oscar-winning role for him. Great movie. Highest 2 Lowest - 8/10 - If it wasn't for an extremely uneven first act and some classic weird Spike quirks in there, like insane transitions and some "how do you do, fellow kids?" moments , this would be one of the best movies of the year. It's still really really great, and the insane score kind of grows on you as it goes. Denzel is at the top of his game. My favorite Original Song of the year at the end. Train Dreams - 8/10 - It takes a while to grow on you. It might take an hour, it might take 5 days, but it'll eventually hit you like a....train (sorry). It's a beautiful slow burn about appreciating life's fleeting and rare moments of joy. The world keeps going on without you, and that's okay. It's extremely reflective and existential. Beautiful stuff. It did what A Ghost Story did for me a few years ago. Presence - 8/10 - Lucy Liu. No notes. It Was Just An Accident - 8/10 - A lot more humor than I expected. The most impressive longshot of the year with that interrogation scene near the end. Mariam Afshari deserves more attention. And holy fuck does that pin-drop ending hit. There's a few ways you can interpret the ending too which is really cool. The Threesome - 8/10 Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie - 8/10 - If you like satirical comedies (like Borat), just do yourself a favor and check it out. You’ll laugh more in the first 30 minutes than in any movie of the past 5 years. I'm Still Here - 8/10 Black Bag - 8/10 Nouvelle Vague - 8/10 - A fun, sweet, breezy, delicate ode to the French New Wave. A movie for movie nerds. Zoey Deutch is a delight and Guillaume Marbeck is one of the year's breakout actors. Left-Handed Girl - 8/10 - A beautiful slice-of-life family drama that’s right up my alley. Wonderful performances from the 2 young leads (their first major roles) and possibly the catchiest theme track of the year. All fans of Sean Baker should check this one out. Nina Ye killed it at the Q&A. Splitsville - 8/10 - Hilarious, sharp, sexy. One of the better recent romantic-comedies (big emphasis on comedy). I laughed more during the first fight sequence than probably any other single scene this year. Advice for any shlubby screenwriters out there: co-writing a sharp, funny screenplay where your romantic interestes are 10/10s like Dakota and Adria is a good move. It Ends - 8/10 - Sometimes you're lucky enough to catch a great movie from a first-time director and you know they'll blow up soon. This is that movie for 2025. The Count of Monte Cristo - 8/10 - You don't get these types of epics much anymore. Really well made and crafted. It's the best Monte Cristo has ever looked on screen. Oh, Hi! - 8/10 Sacramento - 8/10 - Michael Cera, how I've missed you. Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning - 8/10 Is This Thing On? - 8/10 - Career-best stuff from Will Arnett. If only Laura Dern's character wasn't so poorly-written and shitty. Great, improv-like scenes in the comedy club. Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery 8/10 - Doesn't quite reach the peak of the first one, but it's a step up from the 2nd. It's a lot more personal and dark than the other 2, which I really liked, and it keeps the (sometimes-outdated) humor. Fucktoys - 8/10 - It's Anora on mushrooms. It's weird, it's gross, it's got a ton of sex and some violence. It's kind of a modern nasty fairy tale. It's everything you want. Would recommend. Annapurna Sriram is a major talent to watch out for. Urchin - 8/10 - Part Safdie, part Glazer, part Leigh. A really confident and impressive debut film from Harris Dickinson. Harry Dillane is magnetic. Eternity - 8/10 Predator: Badlands - 8/10 A Quiet Place w/ Live Commentary (Re-Release) - 8/10 - This was the first "live commentary" screening I've ever attended. It was with co-writers Scott Beck & Bryan Woods (who also co-directed Heretic), moderated by Josh Malerman (who wrote Bird Box). A very fun screening, very insightful and amusing. Think Mystery Science Theater 3000, but for an actually-good movie. Final Destination: Bloodlines - 8/10 Companion - 8/10 No Other Land - 8/10 - Incredible achievement in documentary filmmaking. almost unfurls like a narrative drama. The only documentary other than 20 Days In Mariupol that's made me want to look away. It's really impressive how angry it makes you but also weaves in beautiful little funny moments of humanity that bring you back down to earth. You would think that "pouring cement down village water wells" was a cartoonish movie-villain move that would never actually happen in real life, but nope, it happens. The Girl with the Needle - 8/10 - Sometimes you just need a Cristian Mungiu-like hit of depression. This filled that hole. 28 Years Later - 8/10 The Long Walk - 8/10 - Not shying away from the brutality/violence is this movie's biggest strength. David Jonsson and Cooper Hoffman are perfect together. It's a very unique post-apocalyptic film, a different feel from the usual YA slop. Mark Hamill is very goofy and bad though. Rough casting there. Sentimental Value - 8/10 - This was a lot better on 2nd watch. In her limited screentime, Inga Ibsdotter Lilleaas puts in the best supporting performance of the year. She is the heart & soul of this movie. Truly heartbreaking stuff when Renate reads her the monologue at the table. The History of Sound - 8/10 - Shoutout to this movie for introducing me to Silver Dagger, probably the greatest folk song ever. I've had different covers of it playing on repeat since the minute I left the theater. Paul Mescal was amazing in his rendition. Beautiful, Brokeback Mountain-like love story about what could've been and regrets. A House of Dynamite - 8/10 - It's only fair to score this by act: First Act: 10/10 - Movie-of-the-year potential. Thrilling and engaging. I wanted to cry everytime Rebecca Ferguson was on screen. Second Act: 8/10: The greatest TV pilot episode you've ever seen. Greta Lee keeps getting done dirty though. Third Act: 3/10 - What a fumble nooooooooo Kathryn noooooooo. My Mom Jayne - 8/10 Sirat - 8/10 - Sound design that will have your clothes shaking during the rave sequences and have you jump during the (extremely) unexpected death scene(s). A great (but extremely bleak) odyssey through the desert set against the backdrop of the world falling apart. Good shit. She Dances - 8/10 - Whenever Steve and Audrey Zahn are on-screen together, the scenes burst with authenticity and genuineness. The script is sweet, funny when it needs to be, and sometimes brings out a few tears. Really great little family-drama. Hamilton - 8/10 Bring Her Back - 8/10 - Danny and Michael Philippou should be thrown in fucking jail for that scene of the kid chewing on the knife. Sovereign - 8/10 Weapons - 8/10 Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair - 8/10 - Confession: I had only seen bits and pieces of both Kill Bill movies prior to this. I had an abolute blast. The 2nd half doesn't quite live up to the first though. Avatar: Fire and Ash - 8/10 - Oona Chaplin awoke something in me. i'm now a Varangsexual. Mile End Kicks - 8/10 - Chandler Levack is Canada’s brightest up and coming filmmaker since Xavier Dolan. Pls keep her on your radar. Now she needs to make a movie without an annoyingly-unlikeable lead. Nuremberg - 8/10 - Your dad's pick for Best Picture. I had really low expectations, a 2.5-hour WW2 courtroom drama sounds like Oscar-bait 20 years too late, but a really tight script and perfect pacing kept me thoroughly engaged. It's also the best Russell Crowe performance since...Gladiator? Good stuff. I'm back on the WW2 movie train. Leo Woodall knocks it out of the pack with his monologue too. Out of nowhere. The Naked Gun - 8/10 Twinless - 8/10 Rebuilding - 8/10 - Lowkey family-drama set in the aftermath of a fire that destroys a man's family ranch. Josh O'Connor is outstanding as usual. Eric LaRue - 8/10 The Life of Chuck - 8/10 Frankenstein - 8/10 - It's undoubtedly technically impressive, probably deserves Oscar nominations in most tech categories. The cast and crew is stacked, and it's solid, but there's a major thing keeping it from being truly great/top 25 of the year: an interesting story. It's really good but classic GDT style-over-substance like Crimson Peak. Megadoc - 8/10 - Almost makes up for the actual movie. Almost. The Francis/Shia and Aubrey/Dustin dynamics were really fascinating to watch. Really great doc about the chaos of filmmaking. It's a shame Adam Driver and Nathalie Emmanuel didn't want to be filmed for it, but I can't say I blame them. Jay Kelly - 8/10 Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere - 8/10 - Everyone else is wrong, this thing was good. Atlantic City forever. Rosemary's Baby (Re-Release) - 8/10 Hurry Up Tomorrow- 8/10 - Maybe throw me in jail for this but I thought this thing rocked? Part Vox Lux, part Misery, part Good Time. Jenna Ortega absolutely smashes it (wish the whole movie was from her POV tbh) and Keoghan/Abel are pretty solid as well. If you can look over the self indulgence (which is kinda the point) and a bad 5-minute sequence near the end, this is a banger. The score and camework alone make it watchable. Trey Edward Shults fan until the day I die. Together - 8/10 Americana - 8/10 - It does jump the shark a bit near the end when like 45 people die and it becomes a bit unbelievable, but it's a fun Tarantino-like crime story and Sidney Sweeney/Paul Walter Hauser are great together. It's Never Over, Jeff Buckley - 8/10 The Fantastic Four: First Steps - 7/10 The Damned - 7/10 - Claustrophobic period-pieces are my shit. An overlooked January-dump movie that deserves more praise. The Ballad of Wallis Island - 7/10 She Rides Shotgun - 7/10 Christy - 7/10 Roofman 7/10 - A perfectly-solid action-crime-comedy with a stellar Channing Tatum and Kirsten Dunst. This would've made $200M domestic 20 years ago. It doesn't have the usual emotional devastation that you'd expect from a Derek Cianfrance film, but that's fine. Thunderbolts - 7/10 - Like most people, I'm kinda "over" the Marvel formula, and in general this was a bit more of the same, but Pugh and Harbour commit really hard and keep it very engaging and just-different-enough. It's one of the better recent MCU efforts. I liked Julia Louis-Dreyfus in a Veep-adjacent role. Materialists - 7/10 Dead Man's Wire - 7/10 Rental Family - 7/10 Sisu: Road to Revenge - 7/10 - A nice improvement over the first one, rare for a sequel. Some really impressive kills. Mickey 17 - 7/10 Shin Godzilla (Re-Release) - 7/10 The School Duel - 7/10 Eephus - 7/10 - A local beer league baseball team plays their final game at the local park. Makes you feel nice and fuzzy and warm. Dangerous Animals - 7/10 - Some actors are born for a certain role. Jai Courtney is that actor in this movie. Ballerina - 7/10 Vermiglio - 7/10 Violent Ends - 7/10 Good Fortune - 7/10 - There are some glaring flaws (like Aziz's acting & delivery), but it does a lot of things very well and has a sweet enough ending to keep this pretty good. Keanu's character is a highlight and has a ton of great lines ("I used to be a celestial being and now I'm a chainsmoker", etc) Secret Mall Apartment - 7/10 Blue Moon - 7/10 - Ethan Hawke is outstanding and basically shows off and runs circles around everybody for 100 minutes, but chamber pieces just aren’t reaching “great” level for me recently. Wicked: For Good - 7/10 The Surfer - 7/10 Eleanor the Great - 7/10 - Pure boomer catnip. Your grandma's favorite movie of 2025. June Squibb is a national treasure. Protect her at all costs. Blue Heron - 7/10 - An Officer and a Spy - 7/10 - Polanski still has a bit of juice. Nobody is doing courtroom-dramas like the French recently. California Schemin' - 7/10 - It gets a bit repetitive but it's a solid directorial debut effort from James McAvoy. A Big Bold Beautiful Journey - 7/10 Villes Jacques-Carton - 7/10 - Quebec represent. (weak year for Quebec cinema I'll admit) Normal - 7/10 - If you like John Wick and John Wick-like clone films, you’ll like this. Lots of fun kills. Lots of blood. Good popcorn flick. Not breaking any new ground though. The Ballad of a Small Player - 7/10 - Macau is a sick setting for a film, and I really dug the first hour, a degenerate gambler just digging his own grave, and the score from Volker Bertelmann is a standout of the year, but it loses its way a bit when he dies (or maybe he doesn't? who knows). Also, more Fala Chen please. Jurassic World: Rebirth - 7/10 Superman - 7/10 - There's some funny lines, solid needledrops, and Rachel Brosnahan is great as usual, but it's not enough to make it really pop. Solid movie, another decent entry in the comic book movie category, but it doesn't reinvigorate my enthusiasm for the genre as a whole like I'd hoped it would. Tatami - 7/10 One of Them Days - 7/10 - Katt Williams being the highlight of a movie in the year of our lord 2025 was not on my bingo card. We need more crowd-pleasing comedies like this in theaters. The Seed of the Sacred Fig - 7/10 Fackham Hall - 7/10 - The Trainspotting poster bit was so good. Non-stop bits and easter eggs, a fun time. The Wizard of the Kremlin - 7/10 Caught Stealing - 7/10 - Zoë Kravitz is gone far too soon. I Love LA (TV Series) - 7/10 Fight or Flight - 7/10 - It sequel-baits a bit too hard and the tech-villains are way too cartoony, but some solid kills, great lines/editing, and Josh Hartnett fully committing to the alcoholic, down-on-his-luck assassin bit really keeps it entertaining enough. Jane Austen Wrecked My Life - 7/10 Sisters - 7/10 Parthenope - 7/10 - It's a gorgeous-looking movie, I could stare at Celeste Dalla Porta for 10 more hours, and I'm a big Paolo Sorrentino fan but this feels a bit more style-over-substance than his usual output. The Monkey - 7/10 The Luckiest Man in America - 7/10 - When an indie budget is stretched to the limit and puts out a good movie. Terrestrial - 7/10 Two Women - 7/10 Sharp Corner - 7/10 - I watched this dubbed in French so the performances definitely took a hit, but it was a pretty biting look at the pressures of the workplace and family leading to a man's downward spiral. Ben Foster is always solid (even when he's dubbed in French-Canadian). Sweetness - 7/10 Spinal Tap 2: The End Continues - 7/10 - I have still not seen the original, but this was good enough as a standalone. The final performance scene leaves a bit to be desired, but there's enough humorous dialogue to keep it chugging along ("in the daytime, ghosts are just rumors" is my personal favorite". Almost Popular - 7/10 My Dead Friend Zoe - 7/10 I Am Frankelda - 7/10 The Amateur - 7/10 - It's basically Bourne-lite, but they don't make these globe-trotting spy movies enough anymore. I enjoyed it. Torture-by-pollen was a wild move though. On Swift Horses - 7/10 Merrily We Roll Along - 7/10 - As far as theatrical pro-shots go, it's below Waitress & Hamilton. At first the constant cuts are a bit annoying/nauseating, but it works itself out. Radcliffe has one really amazing/impressive song number (during the TV interview), Groff is outstanding throughout. Was not a fan of Lindsay Mendez at all. I wanted a bit more emotionally from the whole thing. The theme song is amazing. Heart Eyes - 7/10 No Other Choice - 7/10 - good but kinda very long, innit? Freaky Tales - 7/10 The Wedding Banquet - 7/10 - Fun little rom-com brought down a bit by rough acting and awkward line/joke delivery from Bowen Yang and the Korean guy. Lily and Kelly carried them big time. Loved the “we have to de-gay the house!!!” bit. Great ending too. (never saw the original) Freakier Friday - 7/10 Rust - 7/10 The Ugly Stepsister - 7/10 Come Closer - 7/10 La Grazia 7/10 - Location scouts for Sorrentino movies need special recognition. The Accountant 2 - 7/10 - The story is a bit overcooked (the X-Men-like school for autistic super-hackers is a crazy turn for this movie to take) and it gets a bit too Sound of Freedom-y, but the Affleck/Bernthal scenes together keep it from falling apart completely. Rise (Short Film) - 7/10 Tornado - 6/10 Inheritance - 6/10 The Housemaid - 6/10 Anemone - 6/10 - [Sean Bean stares in amazement at DDL's performance] x10. There's a few good lines ("god doesn't need undies, cause he's not full of shit like you are", "the explosion was so loud you couldn't hear it"), two amazing DDL monologues, and it looks amazing, but feels kind of empty as a whole. Definitely something missing. Spider & Jessie - 6/10 Orwell: 2+2=5 - 6/10 - Some sequences are truly must-see pieces of documentary filmmaking (like the grilling of the ghoulish tech billionaire fucks and the January 6th bits) but then others are so truly scattered and shoehorned that it disconnects you from the message of the movie. 9/10 potential here if it could get out of its own way. Don't Let's Go to The Dogs Tonight - 6/10 Charlie Harper - 6/10 - A cute story about a highschool sweetheart couple (an aspiring chef and an underachieving alcoholic, classic) that’s shot really great and acted well (othet than the non-existent drunk acting from a supposed alcoholic) but ultimately burdened by a mountain of cliches. Song Sung Blue - 6/10 The Toxic Avenger 6/10 - A Troma film should have more nudity. Let's bring nudity back. Put me down for more nudity. Tron: Ares - 6/10 If I Had Legs I'd Kick You - 6/10 Anaconda - 6/10 - One day soon I'll be tired and over and the ironic, meta, big-studio-movie, but today is not one of those days. I had a decent time with this. A The Legend of Bagger Vance reference in 2025 deserves some respect. Death Does Not Exist - 6/10 40 Acres - 6/10 Locked - 6/10 Paddington in Peru - 6/10 Clown In A Cornfield - 6/10 Captain America: Brave New World - 6/10 - Adding this to the never-ending list of good-but-forgettable comic book movies. The genre is stale as hell. Wolf Man - 6/10 - Really liked the POV switches, sound design, and creature design, but the rest is by-the-numbers horror flick. Drop - 6/10 Blood for Dracula (Re-Release) - 6/10 Taylor Swift - The Official Release Party of a Showgirl - 6/10 - The lyric video stuff was whatever/boring/filler but I really liked the behind-the-scenes look at the making of the Ophelia music video. I could’ve watched an entire doc of Taylor directing that video. Great song too. And the closing song rocked too. Fanny - 6/10 Find Your Friends - 6/10 All Her Fault (TV Series) - 6/10 Fairyland - 6/10 A Nice Indian Boy - 6/10 Eddington - 6/10 - There's some interesting stuff in here, but overall kind of a mess. That's been Ari Aster's vibe recently. A Minecraft Movie - 6/10 To Kill A Wolf - 6/10 Keeper - 6/10 Waltzing with Brando - 6/10 - Billy Zane is super convincing as Marlon Brando. The rest is forgettable. Re-Animator (Re-Release) - 6/10 Opus - 6/10 - John Malkovich could not have been more horribly miscast. There's a good cult movie hidden in here somewhere, but Ayo by herself couldn't bring it out. Needed some more passes at rewrites. Grand Theft Hamlet - 6/10 Den of Thieves 2: Pantera - 6/10 Novocaine - 6/10 Barcelona (Re-Release) - 6/10 The Roses - 6/10 - This was a Dollar Tree Marriage Story. Very tonally-uneven. Kate McKinnon is distractingly-bad. Cumberbatch and Colman work well enough together to keep it watchable but it's kinda messy. IT: Welcome to Derry (TV Series) - 6/10 Modern Whore - 6/10 100 Nights of Hero - 6/10 Ick - 6/10 Algiers - 6/10 Everything's Going to Be Great - 6/10 - I really wish Bryan Cranston didn't die early on in the movie. His character and charisma really kept this afloat at first. It mostly fall flats after he's gone, except a few sweet moments. Weirdly over-religious vibes to the movie. Angel Studios was probably close to landing this one. Abraham's Boys - 6/10 I Know What You Did Last Summer - 6/10 - Worth seeing for the Nicole Kidman AMC intro reference alone. Death of a Unicorn - 6/10 Clorofilla - 6/10 I Don't Understand You - 6/10 On Becoming A Guinea Fowl - 6/10 - It's hard to think of a more recent ending that's so unsatisfying. It's good until that. Fuck those last 5 minutes. Allen Sunshine - 6/10 Night of the Demons (Re-Release) - 6/10 La Gloria - 6/10 The Legend of Ochi - 6/10 - It's a gorgeous movie and very Wes Anderson-coded, but too childish to make a real impact. If I'm honest, Helena Zengel should've just spoken German (with subtitles) instead of intelligible English. Cleaner - 6/10 Bonjour, Tristesse - Lily McInerny is outstanding, one of my picks for "breakout" performances of the year, and I'm a sucker for a sun-drenched Mediterranean setting, but Chloë Sevigny is just so bad and sinks the rest of the performances. Love Machine (Short Film) - 6/10 The Shrouds - 6/10 Mermaid - 6/10 - With 20-25 minutes shaved off, this could've been great. It captures some of the gross underbelly of Florida that not a lot of movies can (The Florida Project being the best example), but it's dragged down by bad performances and a plot that's too dragged out. I wanted it to end at least 5 times. Dog of God - 6/10 Trust - 6/10 Downton Abbey: The Grand Finale - 5/10 - It loses a lot of the charm of the first 2 films. Dead of Winter - 5/10 The Friend - 5/10 Him - 5/10 Somnium - 5/10 Hard Truths - 5/10 Borderline - 5.7 - Full disclosure: I saw this in a theater but left about halfway because I saw a big ass rat crawling through the aisle (2nd time I've ever seen one in a theater. Other time was in 2019 for The Best of Enemies). That's gonna be a no from me, dawg. Finished the rest at home. All that being said, Samara Weaving is good but she can only do so much to carry a weak story. Hunting Daze - 5/10 The Chronology of Water- 5/10 - A completely incomprehensible first-45-minutes (by design I guess?), but Imogen poots puts in one of the most daring & brave performances in a while. A huge huge swing by Kristen Stewart for a directorial debut. Sometimes it hits, sometimes it misses hard. www.rachelormont.com - 5/10 - This movie is fucking disgusting. I'm pretty sure real-life misdemeanors/felonies were actually committed during the filming (seriously). But it's just weird and funny enough (especially during the meta, audience-speaking portion) to keep you locked in. A wild ride that I wouldn't take again but that I'm happy to have taken off of the bucket list. Honey, Don't! - 5/10 - "My left or your left?", "We're facing the same way" is one of the year's best exchanges, and there's a few of those gems, but ultimately this is one of the most disjointed movies involving A-list talent I've ever seen (looking at you, Amsterdam). Too much going on, some really awful performances (Charlie Day, Aubrey Plaza, Chris Evans). Only Margaret Qualley showed up. She rocks. Swiped - 5/10 - We have The Social Network at home. Bone Lake - 5/10 Black Phone 2 - 5/10 - There should be a law capping Blumhouse horrors at 95 minutes. Big drop-off from the first one. Madelaine McGraw was fantastic though. The Woman in the Yard - 5/10 Seven Veils - 5/10 M3gan 2.0 - 5/10 - I've gotta admit that there's a lot of really solid & memorable one-liners in here, but this movie really needed an R-rating and 25 minutes less of runtime. Fuze - 5/10 Now You See Me Now You Don't - 5/10 The Running Man - 5/10 - Edgar no :( Ella McCay - 5/10 - There's some truly baffling stuff going on in this movie (30-year old Ema MacKey unconvincingly playing a 15-year old for a part of the movie being one of them), but I love James L. Brooks too much to give it a lower score. #EllaMcCayChallenge Sketch - 5/10 The Well - 5/10 Queens of the Dead - 5/10 Unmoored - 5/10 Last Breath - 5/10 Mr. Blake at Your Service! - 5/10 Hedda - 5/10 - Aside from the solid costume and set design (and a few moments when I was reminded of Babylon), this was a pretty nothing-movie with a confusing plot and extremely unlikeable characters. The Virgin of Quarry Lake - 5/10 - Visually striking but much too slow. Mr. Melvin - 5/10 Armand - 5/10 The Bearded Girl - 5//10 Karate Kid: Legends - 5/10 Test Screening - 5/10 Sounds of Glass (Short Film) - 5/10 Invention - 5/10 The Penguin Lessons - 5/10 Another Simple Favor - 4/10 - This might be the most overcooked script of the year. There's just so much going on, you can't keep track of any character motivations, and it just throws in twists for the sake of twists. The original was fine, this was not good. Good Boy - 4/10 Hacked: A Double Entendre of Rage Fueled Karma - 4/10 Hot Milk - 4/10 - There's something good hidden in here, but it's irritating as hell. The Room Next Door - 4/10 - All of the bad of Almadovar (clunky dialogue, overly-melodramatic, etc), with none of the good. Boring as well Sister Midnight - 4/10 The Devil’s Bride - 4/10 After the Hunt- 4/10 - ??????????????? Snow White - 4/10 - I think Rachel Zegler is great. Whenever she wasn't on screen, I didn't care. Disney live-action remakes have to start caring a lot more about what they're putting out there. The returns are diminishing big time. Of Dogs and Men - 4/10 Shelby Oaks - 4/10 Nobody 2 - 4/10 - I never want to see Sharon Stone in anything ever again. Take the Oscar nomination away. Wish You Were Here - 4//10 The Baltimorons - 4/10 Die My Love - 4/10 - Shoutout to John Prine. The Carpenter's Son - 4/10 Dust Bunny - 4/10 The Rule of Jenny Penn - 4/10 - Painfully repetitive. Enough lens-flare-induced-blindness to probably qualify for a class action lawsuit. Flight Risk - 4/10 Anniversary - 4/10 - About as subtle as brick to the temple. Jesus christ. Ash - 4/10 Reflection in a Dead Diamond - 4/10 - Zzz... Apostasy Blues - 4/10 The Christophers - 4/10 - A very rare Soderbergh L. Such a bore. Did not help that I couldn't understand a single word Ian McKellen was saying and that Michaela Coel was horribly miscast. The G - 4/10 Rosemead - 4/10 Teacher's Pet - 4/10 - Coming to a Tubi near you soon. Ex-Husbands - 4/10 The Unholy Trinity - 4/10 - Bland RedBox (RIP) fodder. Samuel L. Jackson surprisingly cares so that kept it from a rock-bottom score. Away with the Fairies (Short Film) - 4/10 Atom & Void (Short Film) - 4/10 Eastern Western - 3/10 Cujo (Re-Release) - 3/10 - Had not seen it before, and I can still tell you it hasn't aged well. Awful. High Rollers - 3/10 Auction - 3/10 - There aren't many things in life more pretentious than art-related French films. The Thing With Feathers - 3/10 - Man this was a rough watch. The Home - 3/10 Thank You, Places! - 3/10 - A valiant effort by a local theater group to shoot & produce a movie during the height of COVID but I could've seen anything else and been more entertained. One Big Happy Family - 3/10 Homebound - 3/10 Good American Family (TV Series) - 3/10 The Story of Three Sisters (Short Film) - 3/10 First Rites (Short Film) - 3/10 Love Hurts - 2/10 - If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Love Hurts, I would shoot Love Hurts twice. Kiss of the Spider Woman - 2/10 - I really enjoyed the 12-minute sequence of Diego Luna graphically and aggressively shitting himself (3 feet away from a toilet for some reason by the way?) while the lead character wipes it all up, that was super cool and cinematic and necessary. This movie was hot ass, in more ways than one. Extremely overhyped out of Sundance, there's one every year. Deserved flop. One of the few times a year I walk out of a movie theater angry. Nobody Wants to Shoot a Woman - 2/10 - Amateur hour. The worst Goodfellas rip-off you've ever seen. If you told me this was originally a Youtube short from 2008, I would believe you. The Verdict - 1/10 - The filmmakers should honestly be ashamed for submitting and screening this unfinished soap-opera-masquerading-as-a-film. The festival progammers should be ashamed for programming it and charging people for it. I should be ashamed for staying the entire 100 minutes. Shame all around, really. Nobody wins here. It’s like if a group of blind preschoolers decided to remake Anatomy of a Fall. Five Nights at Freddy's 2 - 0/10 - I thought Netflix’s truly-apocalyptical purchase of Warner Bros was the worst thing to happen to theatrical moviegoing in a hundred years, but then I saw Five Nights at Freddy’s 2. Theater Distribution by Venue/Chain: AMC - 103 Regal - 58 Cinemark - 7 Cineplex - 3 VIP - 3 Landmark - 2 Silverspot - 2 Independent/Festival/Other - 112 (Bill Cosford Cinema, Cinema Centre-Ville, Cinema du Musee, Cinema Paradiso, Classic Gateway, Coral Gables Art Cinema, Enzian Theater, Hall Theater, IFC Center, Lightbox Theater, Lucas Theater, Miami Theater Center, Movies of Delray, Olympia Theater, Princess of Wales, Roy Thomson Hall, Royal Alexandra, Salle J.A. DeSeve, Savor Cinema, SCAD Museum of Art, Scotiabank Theater, Tampa Theater, Trustees Theater) Theater Visits by Month: https://i.imgur.com/JxMd5Qt.jpeg January: 19 February: 11 March: 27 + 1 Re-Release (Barcelona) April: 37 + 1 TV Series (Good American Family) + 1 Re-Release (Rosemary's Baby) May: 17 June: 15 + 1 Re-Release (Brokeback Mountain) July: 24 + 6 Short Films (Atom & Void, Sounds of Glass, First Rites, The Story of Three Sisters, Love Machine, Away with the Fairies) August: 23 + 5 Re-Releases (Re-Animator, A Quiet Place, Cujo, Night of the Demons, Shin Godzilla) September: 43 + 2 Rewatches (One Battle After Another x2) October: 24 + 2 TV Series (IT: Welcome to Derry, I Love LA) + 1 Short (Rise) + 1 Release (Blood for Dracula) + 12 Re-Watches (One Battle After Another x3, Nouvelle Vague, Sinners, If I Had Legs I'd Kick You, The Testament of Ann Lee, Highest 2 Lowest, Hamnet, The Life of Chuck, Him, Twinless) November: 16 + 1 TV Series (All Her Fault) + 1 Re-Watch (Sentimental Value) December: 15 + 2 Re-Watches (Hamnet, One Battle After Another) Theater Visits by Day of the Week: https://i.imgur.com/wD0Tsx6.jpeg Monday - 16 Tuesday - 28 Wednesday - 32 Thursday - 53 Friday - 57 Saturday - 65 Sunday - 39 Notable Missed Movies: https://i.imgur.com/42reKIv.jpeg Cast/Crew/Filmmaker Q&As/Appearances: https://i.imgur.com/5kl6qWn.jpeg Favorite Performances: https://i.imgur.com/mf6Bren.jpeg Past Rankings: 2018 (162 Movies) 2019 (192 Movies) 2020 (44 Movies) 2021 (86 Movies) 2022 (270 Movies) 2023 (325 Movies) 2024 (298 movies) Please support your local movie theater. Go alone. Go with others. Buy popcorn. Sneak in snacks. Go on a Discount Tuesday. Disconnect for 2 hours and watch a movie on the biggest screen possible. Don't let corporate greed and stockholder profits destroy a hundred years of laughs, tears, and communal joy. See you at the movies in 2026 :) submitted by /u/BunyipPouch to r/movies [link] [comments]

This documentary really opened my eyes to see how diddy essentially got both BIG and Tupac killed because he was jealous they were better friends with each other than with him. The documentary was 4 episodes long and it still didn't touch the tip of the iceburg... Here is everything sean "diddy" combs has done that the documentary didnt have time to cover: his bodyguard has talked about how diddy sent usher to the hospital as a small boy "bleeding from the b*tt" He has groomed his son to be just like him, his son Justin Combs has been accused in a new lawsuit of luring a woman from Louisiana to Los Angeles, where she was allegedly gang-raped by his father and two other masked men. She claims Justin Combs, 31, used his father’s celebrity status to lure the woman, only identified as “Jane Doe,” to Los Angeles with promises of a TV job in 2017. Instead, she was “held prisoner for a weekend,” given drugs and alcohol, and raped. Not to be confused with the other time he and his son Christian Combs gang raped a woman on a yacht in 2022. The mysterious death of Diddy's former longtime girlfriend and mother of his children, Kim Porter who died of "pneumonia" at 47. Combs was convicted of criminal mischief after he allegedly threatened a photographer with a gun. He blew up Kid cardis car with a molotov cocktail. Combs and his bodyguards were charged with attacking Interscope Records music executive Steve Stoute in his New York office in a dispute over a music video. (Combs is sentenced to an anger management course.) Combs was arrested after a confrontation at UCLA in Los Angeles, where one of his sons played football. Combs became the face of Diageo's Ciroc vodka in 2007 and had been working with the company until January 2024, when they settled a lawsuit Combs filed alleging racism within the brand. One former dancer, Adria English, alleged she was forced to wear a black dress (signaling she was a "sex trafficked sex worker") and have intercourse with guests, including jeweler Jacob Arabov, at various "White Parties". At least one lawsuit alleged that a 16-year-old male was assaulted at a 1998 White Party in the Hamptons, where Combs allegedly told the victim it was a "rite of passage" to becoming a star. 1999, the second annual White Party went was initially denied a permit from the East Hampton board. Combs threatened to sue. The board offered permission with certain constraints regarding guests, traffic, and time (Among those in attendance were Donald Trump) At another party Combs arrived carrying an original copy of the Declaration of Independence as his "date" (Norman Lear, who had purchased it in 2000, lent Combs the Declaration but hired three armed guards to chaperone it throughout the night.) This marked "a new level of fortune and braggadocio" for Combs. Liza Gardner filed a lawsuit alleging that in 1990, she was raped by Combs and R&B singer Aaron Hall. The lawsuit says that days later, Combs assaulted and choked Gardner until she lost consciousness. In an amended complaint filed Oct. 8, Gardner adds that she was 16 years old when she was invited to New Jersey from her home in North Carolina by her friends DeVante Swing and Dalvin DeGrate of the R&B group Jodeci. The lawsuit states that Jodeci's housing, where Gardner was staying, was "subsidized" by their label, Uptown Records, a subsidiary of MCA and UMG. It goes on to allege that Gardner and her 15-year-old friend, Monica Case, met Combs and Hall at an MCA Records event in New York, where they were reportedly supplied with alcohol. Combs and Hall allegedly provided the minors with more drinks and with marijuana later that night. McKinney was 22 years old and working as a model when an unnamed designer introduced her to Combs at a Sean John fashion show in New York City. Combs allegedly expressed interest in getting to know McKinney better and helping her modeling career grow. Later that night, he invited her to a recording studio, where McKinney says Combs and several other men were smoking marijuana and drinking. She took a hit of a joint, which according to the lawsuit, she believes was laced with another substance. The lawsuit states that Combs pressured McKinney to continue drinking and smoking, and as she became more intoxicated, she was led to a bathroom by Combs, who forced her to perform oral sex on him. Afterward, McKinney lost consciousness and awoke in a taxi en route to the designer's apartment. The lawsuit states that following the assault, McKinney became severely depressed. According to the lawsuit, she believes Combs "blackballed" her in the industry, which led to the downfall of her modeling career, and has had long-lasting effects on her mental health. April Lampros filed a lawsuit naming Combs, Bad Boy Entertainment and Arista Records, a subsidiary of Sony Music. Lampros met Combs in 1994 while studying at the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York City. She says Combs often invited her to the Bad Boy studio, promised to mentor and help her advance her career and began "love-bombing" her. They started dating and Lampros would often travel to see Combs, though he asked that their relationship be kept private. In the suit, Lampros accuses Combs of sexually assaulting her on four separate occasions and repeatedly threatening to harm her, both physically and professionally. In one such instance, Combs allegedly forced Lampros and his then-girlfriend Kim Porter to take ecstasy, forced them to engage in sex while he watched and then raped Lampros. Though she tried to distance herself from Combs as the relationship turned abusive, Lampros says Combs continually contacted her, and she feared the repercussions of rebuffing his advances. The lawsuit states that after Lampros' relationship with Combs had ended, she was told by someone she knew that he had seen a video of her and Combs having sex, recorded without her knowledge. a man incarcerated in Michigan filed a lawsuit against Combs alleging that the rapper drugged and sexually assaulted him in Detroit in 1997. During a hearing in September, a default judgment was granted to Cardello-Smith for $100 million after Combs and his lawyers failed to appear in court. Shortly after, the judgment was set aside on grounds that Cardello-Smith's lawsuit, mailed to a Combs residence in Los Angeles, was not properly served Richard and her bandmates were subjected to inhumane working conditions during their time on the show and in the musical group, sometimes being forced to rehearse for up to 48 hours without food or breaks and often being berated by Combs. The complaint states that the abusive behavior continued throughout Richard's professional relationship with Combs, and that he instilled a culture of fear in the women he worked with. After Danity Kane disbanded in 2009, Richard continued to work with Combs in the trio Diddy — Dirty Money, along with singer Kalenna Harper — who allegedly also witnessed much of Combs' abusive behavior and was subject to his numerous threats. The lawsuit alleges Combs would force Richard to take meetings while he was in his underwear, and he would barge into her dressing room unannounced and would grope her breasts and buttocks during stylist fittings. In one instance in 2010, the lawsuit states that Combs berated Richard and Harper in the lobby of SIR Studios and attempted to punch Richard when she asked him to stop calling them "bitches" in front of people. Richard alleges the women were then ushered into a company car and that Combs and Harve Pierre falsely imprisoned them in the vehicle for over two hours. In addition to the allegations of abuse, Richard's lawsuit demands unpaid salaries, royalties and wages for Richard's work as part of Danity Kane and Diddy (Dirty Money). After she filed she missed 128 calls from Combs. a woman named Thalia Graves filed a lawsuit accusing Combs and his bodyguard Joseph Sherman of raping her, recording the assault without her knowledge and distributing the video as pornography. Graves alleges that the assault took place in 2001, when she was 25 years old and dating an unnamed record producer who worked with Combs. She says Combs and Sherman took advantage of her relationship with their colleague to lure her to a recording studio alone, where they gave her a drink she believes was laced with some kind of drug. The lawsuit says Graves lost consciousness and awoke to find herself bound and restrained; Combs and Sherman then proceeded to take turns raping her. Graves says she did not report the alleged crime out of fear of Combs' retaliation, and that her boyfriend at the time discouraged her from doing so because it might hurt his career. In November 2023, Graves alleges she learned the rape had been recorded by Sherman and Combs, who showed it to others with the purpose of humiliating Graves and her then-boyfriend. The lawsuit details how the crime and the knowledge of its recording has had dire, long-lasting consequences on Graves' mental health. Ashley Parham alleges that in 2018, she met a man named Shane Pearce who was associated with Combs. Parham says Pearce called Combs on FaceTime in front of her, but she made remarks about being unimpressed because "she believed Defendant Diddy had something to do with the murder of Tupac Shakur." Combs allegedly became upset by Parham's statements during the call. The complaint says that some time later, Pearce invited Parham over to his home. While she was there, Combs allegedly arrived with Kristina Khorram and several unnamed others. The lawsuit states that Combs was angry at Parham for how she had treated him over the video call. Combs allegedly threatened to physically harm Parham with a knife, while Khorram allegedly said they could "sell" the plaintiff for sex. The lawsuit states that Pearce and Combs then removed Parham's clothing and Combs squirted Parham with what she believes was an oil or lubricant. According to the lawsuit, Khorram was instructed by Diddy to insert a syringe into Parham's vagina. The lawsuit goes on to state that Combs, Pearce and two unnamed defendants violently raped Parham and that Combs forced an unknown pill down the woman's throat. Bryana "Bana" Bongolan filed a lawsuit against Combs in California that alleges the mogul groped her breasts, dangled her over the balcony of a 17th floor apartment and frequently threatened and intimidated her. Bongolan worked with Cassie Ventura at Diamond Supply Co. in 2014, which led the two women to develop a friendship. As they got closer, Bongolan alleges that she became aware of Combs' violent and abusive behavior towards Ventura, eventually leading to Ventura showing Bongolan bruises and a black eye she received from Combs. Throughout the time they worked together, Bongolan alleges that Combs intimidated and threatened her, including an instance in which he forcibly drugged her and another in which he said "You have no idea what I could do to you. I could kill you." The lawsuit states that in September of 2016, Bongolan, her then-girlfriend and Ventura were at Ventura's apartment when Combs began violently knocking on the door. After making his way in, Bongolan alleges he found her on the balcony and began groping her breasts. When she resisted, she alleges that he picked her up and held her over the ledge of the 17th floor balcony, and then slammed her into patio furniture. an unnamed plaintiff filed a civil lawsuit against Combs alleging that he and an unnamed male celebrity assaulted her at an MTV Video Music Awards after-party in 2000, when she was only 13 years old. On December 8, the lawsuit was amended and refiled to name Jay-Z, whose real name is Shawn Carter, as the second assailant. The complaint states that the plaintiff accepted a drink that made her woozy, leading her to retire to one of the bedrooms. She alleges that Carter, Combs and an unnamed female celebrity entered the room and that the two men raped her while the female celebrity stood by and watched. Combs and Jay z settled out of court. Combs' former bodyguard is named as a co-defendant in Graves' lawsuit, along with Daddy's House Recordings, Bad Boy Entertainment and more. Graves claims that Sherman actively raped her alongside Combs in 2001. The lawsuit states that when she attempted to escape the assault, Combs slammed her head into a pool table, causing her to lose consciousness. After waking up, she says Sherman continued to assault her and slapped her until she passed out a third time. Caresha Brownlee, aka Yung Miami, half of the rap duo City Girls, dated Combs in recent years. In August, she denied knowing anything about the accusations that have surfaced against her ex. "I can't speak on these allegations because I wasn't around at the time," she said on her Revolt TV show, Caresha Please. "I don't know that person, and that wasn't my experience." In September, however, Brownlee was named in a lawsuit filed against Combs by an unnamed woman. The lawsuit alleges that the plaintiff was forced to travel and "perform" for Combs many times from 2021 to 2024. Much of this travel was reportedly paid for by Combs' staffer Kristina Khorram. The suit states that in 2022, the plaintiff was forced to take drugs and have sex with Combs. When she learned she was pregnant and told Combs, the lawsuit states that Brownlee (who is not a co-defendant on the complaint) harassed and called the plaintiff repeatedly, pressuring her to get an abortion. The stress allegedly led the woman to suffer a miscarriage. Please add anything else I've missed. submitted by /u/MyUnreliableSauces to r/television [link] [comments]

Hi. So I heard y'all want disclosure? Alright, hope you have time for this because there's a LOT. Grab a coffee or maybe get comfy with a pillow somewhere. I've been watching the news and hearing a lot of things I know to be true shockingly being talked about openly by some higher ups in a documentary so I figured what the hell? You can call me Rhea. Not my real name obviously, but it will do. A little about me... I spent about eight years in the military to pay for college and then another decade plus in a part of the US intelligence component that does not officially exist. On paper I worked for a boring sounding office in a department most people have never heard of. In reality it was a compartment inside a compartment where the odd stuff of a certain nature got routed. My actual specialty is electro-optics. Lasers, sensors, EO imaging systems, the math and hardware behind how we detect things at a distance and, in some cases, put energy on them. That is what I trained in, what I did most of my serious work on once I was off the deployment treadmill. So when I say I know something about directed energy weapons and weird sensor returns, that's not "I heard this from a friend of a friend". That was my day job. Most of my career was boring in the way dangerous jobs are boring. Long days in windowless rooms. Iraq and Afghanistan in the early years, doing the usual mix of SIGINT and HUMINT support. Phone records, pattern-of-life workups, building target packets on people who’d never know my name but might notice a drone overhead later. After I got out of uniform I slid over to contractor work, then got pulled into the permanent government side. For a long time my world was very normal: counterterrorism, sanctions evasion, shady cargo going through weird ports, stuff like that. After that, foreign missile tests and what you have probably seen described publicly as space domain awareness. Basically, watching dots move around the sky and trying to decide whose dots they were and what they were doing. The weird part started when I was detailed to a small interagency working group looking at what was called "anomalous aerospace and undersea systems". Translation: things detected and showing up on sensors that did not match any known platform, did not behave like clutter, and did not go away when you changed radar modes or swapped optical systems. I was there because I understood both sides of the equation: the physics of the sensors and the intelligence context. You get taught very quickly to treat anything unexplained as a glitch, a calibration issue, operator error, software artifacts, anything that keeps your world tidy. You get used to hearing “weird glitch” as a catch-all. Except after a while you notice some of those “glitches” kept showing up, across different systems, different countries, decades apart. Same behaviors. Same basic locations. Same signature that never quite fits. At some point you either admit there is a real pattern or you drive yourself crazy trying not to see it. If you are useful and you start asking the wrong questions for long enough, someone eventually pulls you aside, takes you to a SCIF, takes your phone, has you sign your life away again, and shows you the next layer of the onion. This onion goes so deep I doubt that even after years of briefings I've been exposed to anything below a few layers. Even still most of this is purposely kept off NIPR and JWICS and is done in person. That is where I learned about most of what you're interested in here and what seems to be bubbling to the surface in the news lately. That when I learned about what we call The Council. Yes aliens, and I suspect you're not likely to see a lot of what I know mentioned even by some who know it who have begun speaking out for reasons I'll get into later. I've never met them face to face. Everything I know about them is from briefings, documents, and one secure video session that I honestly wish I had skipped. But it lines up with too many independent data points to just shrug off as somebody’s pet theory. The basic story is this. Earth was noticed roughly 2 billion years ago, long before anything walked around on land. Not because we’re special, but because we tripped a sensor. Or rather life tripped their sensors. You see, The Council is not a single species. It is a collective of several advanced interstellar maybe even interdimensional civilizations that run long term surveys of stars and planets the way we run spy satellites. Huge distributed arrays of instruments, working together, watching thousands of star systems at once, for millions of years at a time. Their gear probably makes the James Webb telescope look like a kid's backyard telescope. About 2 billion years ago those instruments picked up biosignatures here, chemical fingerprints in the atmosphere that meant something was alive here. Atmospheric composition like free oxygen and methane, spectral fingerprints, chemical disequilibria that scream “there’s metabolism happening down there!" you know, the basics. At that point Earth went into a database as “interesting, revisit later”. Standard procedure for them when a world looks promising is pretty boring from their point of view. They send automated probes. Not big crewed ships like you see in sci-fi movies, just small, tough, very smart machines. Those probes come in, mostly target the oceans, and set up self replicating facilities on the seafloor. Those facilities use local materials to build more facilities, more probes, craft that can operate underwater, in the air, in near space, and eventually avatars that can interact with whatever life evolves. These biological or rather, biomechanical avatars are what some people who claim to have been abducted have likely experienced. Though they do have what we would call ASI, these beings are not gods, they are technology and they aren't perfect, they make mistakes, glitch out, etc. The reason they base all of that underwater for a simple reason. The bottom of an ocean does not care about ice ages, political empires, climate swings or wars. Temperatures and pressures change slowly over what long periods of time. Its a fairly stable environment and for much of human history has been mostly inacessible. Speaking of time, we Earth humans tend to think in terms of nothing longer than the current human lifespan. And when pondering non-human intelligence we like to think in terms of deep space, distance and light years but we seldom consider the lifespan and concept of time for a post-biological species could be quite different than outs. Only our most astute thinkers in the realms of geology, palentology and cosmology think in terms of millions or billions of years. Geologic epochs, cosmological history. That is childsplay for The Council which has a different concept of time, more concerned with deep time, millions of years at a stretch. As such their infrastructure is designed for that. So yes, a lot of the TMOs (transmedium objects) and impossible accelerations you have heard about are just their hardware doing its job. Maintenance, observation, sampling. Nothing heroic. The warp bubble/Alcubierre effect was probably mastered by them before our solar system even existed. It's old tech for them. Kinda like the wheel is for us. Also, no, we are not the center of anyone’s universe. There are about a billion planets in our galaxy that are more or less like Earth. Some just have microbes. Some have more complex life. A smaller subset of those have or once had civilizations. We are just one more entry, a fairly recent one in cosmological terms, in a very large survey. Once early humans started doing interesting things, we moved from “planet with life” to “planet with potential”. They have watched this same story unfold in slightly different ways around a thousand times from what I understand. Chemistry leads to biology, biology creates technology. Tool use, language, agriculture, cities, industry, energy, space travel. Somewhere in there you always hit the same fork. Either the species figures out how not to blow itself to pieces with the energy densities it increasingly has access to such as nuclear fission, nuclear fusion, anti-matter and more exotic matter/energy, or it wipes itself out. Our situation worried them. We are a little paradox: extremely good at cooperation and also extremely good at organized violence. Our aggression stood out. Cooperation plus violence isn’t unique, but we’re very, very good at both. And once you get to things like nuclear power, that combo tends to end very badly. They'd seen plenty of variations of that play out over at least a few billion years. About 10,000 years ago our trajectory towards that became clear and there was a major argument inside the Council about what, if anything, to do with us. One side said the odds favored self destruction once we discovered and weaponized atomic level technologies. The other side argued we were worth saving or at least worth understanding better. The compromise was an experiment. One which has ramifications as to why all of this has been hidden for so long. Roughly 65,000 humans were removed from Earth and relocated to what is basically a preserve on a planet around the star you know as 82 Eridani. Internally we called those people Erids. That star is in our catalogs if you feel like looking it up, but the details of the target planet are not public for obvious reasons. The Erids were started in a kind of controlled paradise. Their world has large dispenser systems that can produce whatever basic material needs they have. Food, clothing, tools, building materials, entire strucures for habitation. Think Star Trek replicators scaled up and wired into the environment. In that setup nobody starves, nobody is homeless in the way we understand it, nobody spends their life chasing money just to meet needs. This was just the Erids natural reality. The point from The Council's view was to remove material scarcity from the equation and see what humans do and achieve when they are not spending most of their energy bashing each other over the head over resources. Meanwhile, the rest of us stayed here on the control planet, dealing with scarcity, ownership, money, hoarding, and the rise of socio-political systems based on scarcity: all of the things that define Earth civilization. The result, according to what we were briefed, is that the Erids are now around 5,000 years ahead of us technologically, averaged out. Same species, same basic biology, same starting point, completely different trajectory because of conditions. Nature vs nurture on a cosmic scale. For most of their history they Erids thought they were native to that world. They only found out the truth roughly a century ago in our time. They learned that they were uplifted, that their ancestors were taken from Earth, that they have cousins here. Once they knew that, some of them started coming back to visit the original branch. This is where their history intersects the some of the UFO stories you know. The “aliens” that look almost exactly human are just that. Human. They are not hybrids, not clones, not secretly angels or demons. They are Erids, born around another star, showing up here after being given a 10,000 year head start. They have in some cases met with leaders of certain countries and at least two U.N. Secretary Generals (both deceased). Now we get to why this has been buried for 80 some years. You have to think like a senior US official in the 1940s and 1950s. World War II has just ended, the Cold War is starting, everything is viewed through capitalism versus communism. Then someone puts a briefing in front of you that says, in essence, there is a group of humans living on another world who have no money, no private ownership in the way we structure it, automatic systems that meet their basic needs, and in that environment they advanced thousands of years faster than we have. The men who built what we now call the legacy program in the US that sounded less like “interesting anthropological data” and more like “a walking, talking advertisement for space communism.” It looked like proof that communism works better than the system they were trying to defend. That and the ramifications of what could happen if THAT ever got out terrified them more than the existence of aliens did, though to be fair they plenty had their worldview rocked by the latter too. So the core of the cover up has never just been “aliens” or even their technologies. It has been the systemic implications. The idea that scarcity and ownership are not hard coded into reality, that they are one possible way to run a society, and maybe not the optimal one. That was seen as an existential political threat in the 1940s and 1950s and some of the people who grew up in that mindset are still steering parts of the program today. Now add in the famous crash-retrieval incidents. Roswell '47, Kecksburg '65, a handful of other retrievals around the U.S. and around the world. What we were told is that most of those were not accidents. They were tests and gifts. The Council, with Erid input, allowed certain craft and systems to fall into human hands in a controlled way. Enough intact technology that a very motivated and capable society could learn from it, not enough that it would instantly rewrite everything. In fact the Kecksburg landing, it wasn't called a crash internally, was a direct result of a meeting and gift agreement made at Holloman AFB the year prior. The idea was to see who did what with it. Who could figure it out, who kept it secret, who tried to share, who tried to weaponize it, who panicked. Based on those results, the plan was to pick one primary human partner to act as the main interface for full Council contact and to begin a managed process of reunifying Earth humans with the Erids and introducing us to the wider community. You can argue whether that is a good way to do it. I am just telling you that is the framework I saw laid out. In the 1980s-90s during a brief period when the Cold War ended there was a push to finally disclose much of this. This was initially proposed at meeting between then U.S. President Ronald Reagan and then Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev at a summit in Reykjavik, Iceland in 1986. Also discussed was getting rid of nuclear weapons as had been urged by The Council. In the end it was decided to wait. There were two more U.S. pushes for disclosure between then and the 2017 New York Times article. One during the Clinton administration and another during the transition between the Obama and first Trump presidency. Now for the part that put a clock on all of this stuff you've been hearing about 2027 etc.... About three years ago, a species that is hostile to the Council found out about the Earth project. They are not part of the collective. They resent the way the Council handles in younger civilizations as they themselves felt victimized by the Council. They also resent the credit the Council gets for “successful” cases. I have heard them described as the jealous neighbors who would rather break your toys than watch you win. Yes, we sometimes joke about this stuff because again, it's the only way to stay sane with this everyday knowledge and integrate it into your civilian life of thanksgiving dinner, xmas shopping, taking the kids to soccer practice etc. Just as an aside, ever consider how two of the biggest holidays of they year involve gluttony (Thanksgiving) and overconsumption (Black Friday)? When you have the knowledge many have within the program stuff that is taken for granted seems really weird and a symptom of the now, forced scarcity of our current system. Anyway back to the aliens... The hostile group I mentioned decided to spoil the experiment. This species is ahead of us technologically but far behind the Council. Though they also inhabit a relatively nearby star cosmologically speaking, their travel is slower, less elegant and has to take place in stages, think of it as space "island hopping" which is why the lead time is so long. You probably want to know what they look like. Physically, based on the descriptions we saw, they are about five feet tall, segmented bodies, multiple limbs, basically ant like in overall form. Nothing subtle or humanoid about them. They launched an expedition toward Earth with the stated goal of making a mess. Cause chaos here, damage the experiment, and embarrass the Council by showing they cannot protect their own projects due to internal disagreements. Basically exploiting internal fissures, turning small cracks of understanding in The Council into canyons, thus destroying it. That's their hope at least. The transit time means for us they are expected to arrive in roughly two years from now, the 2027 holiday present NO ONE asked for. That news triggered a major debate within the Council. One group said, the rules say non interference, we watch and record what happens, even if it is ugly, as we had done in the past. The other group said, we effectively created this situation by tagging and monitoring this world, we have a moral obligation not to just watch a civilization we have been studying get smashed by somebody else’s grudge. If the Council showed up in force it would not be much of a fight. Their technology relative to the ant species is like a modern carrier group versus skilled archers on sailboats. The whole thing would be over quickly and it would also completely blow the point of letting a young species find its own way. It would also be a tremendous blow to the human ego which The Council is well aware of. So they arrived at a compromise. No direct Council fleets defending Earth. No obvious intervention. Instead, they would quietly arm us. What they chose to give us are things they roughly call scalar phase weapons. Our vocabulary is not great here. They are not just high power lasers. They interact with fields we do not fully understand or really have names for yet, shift phases, dump huge amounts of energy from the vacuum into very specific volumes of spacetime without a conventional bright beam or explosion. Compared to our current directed energy weapons, they are an enormous leap. As someone who spent years working with lasers and optics systems, I can tell you they sit so far off our current tech tree that if you saw the damage assessments from a pulse without context you would think they were misprints. But compared to Council weapons, they are nerf guns, training wheels per-se. Anyway, that decision set off another big argument, both among them and among us. The obvious concern was simple. Once the external threat is gone, what stops us from turning these things on each other the same way we took nuclear power and turned it into thousands of warheads aimed at our own cities? On the US side there were people saying exactly that. And some members of The Council argued that if we on Earth roll out scalar systems across arsenals, the first real test after the bugs are gone will likely be some crisis where two human governments start lighting each other up with technology they we do not fully understand. The counter argument, which won, was that species level survival has to come first. If humanity gets wiped out by someone else’s petty feud, then the entire debate is academic. Also, if humans fight this off themselves instead of watching the Council show up and save the day, they will meet the wider community as people who actually did something, not as rescued primitives. Human ego intact. And kill switch if you will, has been built into the tech to disable it after the conflict which The Council sees us winning. If we then decide to use these weapons against each other they'll simply be disabled until we humans have learned enough to disable the kill-switch which could be thousands of years from now for all I know. So against a lot of internal resistance, the Council has been quietly providing scalar phase systems to several blocs, not just the US. The list I saw included the United States, China, the European Union through specific channels, Russia, and Brazil. Those systems are being integrated into space platforms, aircraft, and undersea assets. Testing is happening in remote places and high altitudes, often disguised as other things. Most of the people physically working on it think it is an advanced homegrown black program. Only a very small circle in each capital sees the full context. I got to see pieces of that picture shortly before I was pushed into “retirement”, which is a polite way of saying I stopped being convenient. That is as specific as I am willing to get. There is one more reason I am writing this now, after pondering it for a long time, and it is more personal than the two year clock. A friend of mine, someone I worked closely with inside the program, another EO specialist, had been talking quietly years ago about going to Congress. Not with everything, they were not suicidal. Just enough to force a real closed door hearing in the Senate, get the true nature of certain SAPs acknowledged on paper, make it harder to bury the whole subject under jokes and career threats. Over as year ago I got word that they died. The official explanation has been vague and unsatisfying. “Medical complications” on a trip to a black site in the Indian Ocean. Those medical complications do not match what I know about their health, then it became "an accident at home” with no details anyone will put in writing. People who would normally be candid went very quiet very fast. Maybe it was just bad luck. People do die suddenly. But given the threats which are known about within certain IC sectors when one is associated with this subject, I don't know for sure. What I do know is that the last long conversation I had with them was about whether it was worth trying to talk to certain congressional staffers for a certain Senator. After hearing recent news confirming publicly much of what I know to be true privately I stopped telling myself I would wait and see how things played out. Life is short. So here we are. Some stranger on the internet telling you an unbelievable story you are free not to believe. With roughly two years on the clock and the current rate of leaks and “whistleblowers” and half disclosures, it is very unlikely they keep all of this under wraps until the first time something openly not from here appears in our sky or our orbit. At some point before that happens, at least one major government, maybe more, is going to go public in a controlled way. My guess would be China or the US, but it could be one of the others on that scalar weapon list. You will likely get a very carefully worded announcement about unidentified aerial phenomena, about contact with “non human intelligences”, about new defensive technologies and unprecedented international cooperation. It will be designed to manage panic and control the story. What you probably will not hear in the first round of briefings is the part about the Erids, the economic implications of their society's existence, the billion other habitable planets, the undersea infrastructure that has been here longer than we have had bones. You will not see anyone step up to a podium and say “oh by the way, there is a branch of humanity that grew up without the idea of money and scarcity ten thousand years ago and advanced five millennia past us”. That is why I am dumping this here, where people can ignore it, laugh at it, or save it and see how it ages. Like I said, do not have to believe me. I'm not here to sell a book, go on podcasts, be on Tv or do UFO lectures/ Treat this as fiction if that makes you more comfortable. What I am really trying to do is get you to think past the kiddie pool questions. “Are UFOs real” "Are the NHI good or evil?" is not the interesting part. The far more interesting questions are what happens to this planet once everyone knows we are being watched, that we have cousins around another star, that some of the basic assumptions we built our societies around were just one option, not a fundamental law of nature. If in a year or two you start hearing officials talk about “our cousins among the stars” or “civilizations far older than ours” and “new non kinetic systems” and “shared planetary defense”, remember this post and see how well it fits. Look, the bugs are coming either way. The Council is not going to save us directly. They already handed out the tools and they are watching to see what we do with them. The part that is still up to us is what kind of world we build if we get through it. Will we all go back to work and beat each other over the head with really advanced sticks or do we achieve a more enlightened potential? That is all I have. Rhea submitted by /u/rhea-15510 to r/UFOs [link] [comments]

am not OP. That is u/Brave-Company2867 who posted to r/MarkNarrations TW: entitlement, harassment/bullying, distressing materials, Trespassing, sexual intimidation, and domestic violence Original Post June 24th, 2025 I (33F) bought my home right before the pandemic. The world shut down and I shut into my remote work with the solitude and comfort of a natural introvert. The house was extra large and I only really could afford it because the family selling was in need of a quick sell. The house has a finished attic and basement, which were easily converted into not-so-mini apartments. The basement has its own entry point and also connects into the main house. There are four bedrooms, two baths and the master room has a walk in closet. During the pandemic, my sister both were hit hard and quickly needed to downsize as their own roommates moved back home. My sisters (25F and 27F) and I do not have such a luxury so I offered them rooms at below market rate and told them they needed to supply their own food. The rent was really to help with increase in bills. They were both still in school at the time but also working. This arrangement gave them more breathing room financially. Then, a girl they both knew was evicted from her home with her bf because the family they rented from needed the home back. I offered the basement at near-market rate, though still a little under as I felt bad and it is a basement apartment. After that, a friend of a friend heard about my arrangement and asked if there was any room left. I gave him the attic apartment for another near-market rent. Rental agreements were drafted up for each person. I explained the basic rules, the rent, and how long they would have if rent was not received. I told them to read it and return it to me when signed. I left them each with their own copy. I collect the rent the first Saturday of the month. They leave the name blank on the checks for me to fill out and I always thought it was because they were afraid of misspelling my stupidly unique name and having the check bounce as a result. Apparently not. The issue: I still have one "free" room in the main part of the house but I use it as my office and it locks up. My friend knows my sisters and they got to chatting up while out together, they bumped into each other during a day out. My sisters mentioned the "extra room" and my friend has a cousin (18F) who will be starting college in our city and asked if "my landlord" would rent it out to her. I brushed over the comment because I thought there was miscommunication and told her the room wasn't for rent as I use it for my at home office. She asked if I was paying for the room and I told her, "Why would I pay for a room in a house I own?" She got a little quiet, apologized for pushing and told me the struggle its been to find a spot for her cousin. I told her all of my tenants are solid until December when renewals go out. I can offer her a spot if someone moves but I stressed it was unlikely as everyone gets along, stays out of each others business, and it works well for them. We dropped the topic. A few days ago my sisters asked me how the talk went and I said it was ok, but her cousin won't be moving in. They asked why and I explained to them the situation above. They suggested I move my office to my bedroom or the main room and "stop paying rent for an extra room to save costs". When I asked what they meant, they said "well you do pay rent for the extra space right?" No. I then asked if they knew I was the landlord and they were floored. They never actually read the agreements they have been signing. They went off on me about how I should have told them and that they shouldn't have to be paying rent to family. I told them the rent was to cover their increase in bills. I wasn't going to house them for free when they made enough to cover a fair share on a shared expense. If they would rather full market rent on the rooms they were currently in, I could arrange that come renewal. By now they could afford it with their jobs and having saved money on rent for 5 years. They called me an asshole for holding rent above their heads. This then leaked to the tenants as they talked about the issue to their friends in the basement. While their rent is more than just for bills, it is not the market rent value I could get out of the space despite them each having income and no family to support. They came to me to ask that I LOWER the rent, as if being friends with my sisters was reason enough as I was the landlord and not "somebody they didn't actually know". The deal they had no longer seems in their favor, apparently. I told them they had until December to decide if they wanted a renewal because it was not going to be lowered. They are now acting like I am kicking them out, when all I said was now that they fully understand their position they needed to make a choice to stay as with current costs and annual adjustments as needed as was our agreement or begin the process of looking as rent prices have skyrocketed and its much harder to find a place. The adjustments do not include "knowing I am the landlord". My attic tenant asked if I was "cleaning house" and basically begged I don't kick him out. His family turned their back on him because of....conflicting views. Personally, his views don't bother me. His family's though. Eesh. I explained it all in detail and he was like, wait I always knew you were my landlord because its in the rental agreement. But he also never put my name down because "its hard to spell". Now everyone is upset with me and I feel unwelcomed in my own home. AITA? WIBTA if I didn't renew one or all of their leases because of this hostility I feel? Edit: word Quick Edit since I keep seeing a similar question: Our lives have been a mess of social services and foster care as children, all aging out at 18. I didn't go out of my way to tell them about my buying a house, partly out of guilt, and they came to me for leads on places to live in a time of need. The guilt comes from not taking them in when I had the opportunity at 18. I would have had to jump through massive loops and I did not feel prepared to care for myself, let another a couple of kids I hardly knew since we had been separated often. We reconnected when they aged out and built from there. We also do not share the same last names as we each have different fathers. Update June 27th, 2025 AITA for not telling my roommates and sisters I am the owner? Update Hello everyone. I wanted to thank everybody for taking the time to read my last post and offer up their advice, comments, thoughts, and judgment. I took some of the advice given and have taken the "don't rent to family or friends again" to heart. So I'm going to jump into the update. I'm going to try to break it down bit by bit before going into it all. Mr. Attic - I'm keeping him. I pulled him aside first and separately. I told him I would not be renewing the others' leases in December and asked if he would want to rent the basement for at market value. He turned it down, asking to keep the attic as he is comfortable there. I told him it would probably be in his best interest to let the others believe this is a whole house clean out so he doesn't get caught in the cross fire. He agreed and went out of his way to turn his social media to private. He also sent me screenshots of a group chat he had been added to. The group chat - My sisters and other pair of tenants started up a group chat to bitch about me being so uncompromising and greedy. They were coming up with ideas to not pay rent or to only pay in part. The basement tenants "joked" about one of them "losing" their jobs so they could ask for leniency since I was too "stuck up to be kind" to them about the rent. The harassment - My sisters and Mr/s Basement had told their friends (and the families of Mr/s Basement) about the rent, the "lies", and my "inability to consider outside perspective and need". I've had a steady stream of calls, DMs, texts, and posts directed at me since before I made my last post, which is what prompted me to post. I made my accounts private, disabled some of the messaging functions, and told the four of them to get this to stop before I got my lawyer involved. Spoiler: they didn't. So after taking a night to think about it, I brought the group together to have a discussion about the rent and situation. My sisters looked smug and Mr/s Basement kept sharing knowing looks. I told them bluntly I was not going to renew leases in December because their actions, attitudes, and lack of consideration has made me feel unvalued, humiliated by their family, and unwelcome in my own home. I told them if they found an apartment or place to go before December, I wouldn't charge them for breaking the lease but if there was ANY damage anywhere, they would not get their security deposits back until the pricing out was settled. If there was more damage than their security deposit, they would be taken to court. I told them I was done being kind and understanding to people who thought so lowly of me. I also warned them I could and would break the leases myself if I felt the need, in which case they would have 30 days. It was immediate chaos. A lot of yelling, insults, and cursing. Even Mr. Attic, but he was yelling at the others for "getting him kicked out when he didn't do anything". He made an epic show of storming up to the attic and slamming the door. He sent me laughing emojis and texted that he wasn't going to be able to keep a straight face a little later. I waited for them to stop yelling and when they demanded what they would do, I set a stack of ads for apartments and houses for rent in the nearby area and said they would have to start looking now. I told my sisters I would help pay for their moving truck but told the basement tenants they would have to ask their families for help moving out. Mr. Basement picked up the stack of papers and his eyes went wide. He stared at me and asked if I was fucking serious. I told him the prices listed were not mine to judge, change, or deal with. I reminded him his current place was below market because I had a say in it. Market prices for one bedrooms in the area are well over 1500$ a month, if he wants near his work and close enough to walk to stores and things. He currently has a two bedroom for less than that. My sisters grabbed some of the papers and the 27 year old started crying because she couldn't afford an apartment on her own. She told me about her student loans and credit card debt. I told her, Too bad. I gave you a good deal out of kindness and you sent an army after me. I would have considered letting you stay if you hadn't been so nasty. I told all of them they could probably swing a two bedroom between the four of them and got up and left. They refuse to talk to me now. My sisters spent the night in the basement apartment and I could hear shrieks and crying if I walked by the door that leads down there. I feel a little bad but I reread your comments to keep my sanity. As for if I want them out, I can give them 30 days notice since they are inside my own home. I checked and double checked with the lawyer and this information had been in their rental contracts. If I do have to kick them, and they try to refuse to leave and drag it out in court (which they don't have the money for) I have been given some handy advice by a fellow landlord who had to remove his own brother. I can't remove them by force but I can make "living" there entirely uncomfortable. Nothing stops me from taking doors off hinges or starting remodeling while their stuff is in the way. Nothing stops me from turning off the water or electric for their sections of the house during remodeling. (Quick edit: JUST for remodeling purposes. It wouldn't be done to make them leave. But they can't stop my remodeling as squatters.) It might seem like an asshole thing to do, but they would be the ones to start it and I actually do want to repaint and do some adjustments. The reason I am leaning on evicting them by August is because the harassment has gotten so much worse now that there is an actual non-renewal happening. I'm leaving my phone on silent and collecting messages, voicemails, emails, and other things to hand off to my lawyer next week. I told them to call off their dogs and they haven't. I asked Mr. Attic if he knew anyone who would need a place and to let me know. He has a few friends from his community who seem interested, as they either live with roommates or family and want out. If anyone has any questions this quiet morning, I will try to answer them. Quick Edit: I have cameras outside and in common rooms - facing the front and back doors, the hallways upstairs and the door leading to the basement. The tenants have access to the entry point ones like Mr Attic has the hallway to his area, Mr/s Basement have the feed that leads to their door inside the main house and they all have outside camera access. I'm thinking of cutting access to the outside cameras for them. They can't do anything to the feeds as they are guests in the system (so they can't delete anything) and my access automatically saves on extra external systems. I might just cut them all out of the system except Mr. Attic for piece of mind. Also, I keep seeing people ask about our family. There are no parents and no family from our side. My sisters have no relationships with their fathers or their families, mine had been killed due to his own actions (there is no sympathy for the likes of him) and his family shunned him so they shunned me as well, and our mother is a cup of ash left at the funeral home. Update 2 July 2nd, 2025 AITA for not telling my roommates and sisters I am the owner? Update 2 Hey everyone. I'm very tired. Thank you all for your kind words and wonderful advice. Onto the update. Mr. Attic's friends - Two have agreed to take the bedrooms my sisters are currently occupying when they move out. I've met them, we talked at length, and they are wonderful people. One helped me change the tire on my car because I ended up with a flat just after our meeting and she was incredibly kind and showed me how to change it. Like she walked me through it step by step, letting me do it but just explaining how. I can't believe I've never changed a tire before. Weirdly embarrassing. The harassment and lawyer - The lawyer sent a cease and desist to everyone that had contacted me. Then, he went on and filed for restraining orders/orders of protection and a claim for slander/defamations. There were many posts with me tagged or with my name claiming I was an unfit landlord, a slum lord, a greedy bitch, a homewrecker (because I apparently came onto MR. Basement - haha, so funny because he is fugly and you couldn't pay me to touch that) and more. These things take time but there was an almost immediate drop off of calls, messages, ect. Mr/s Basement - Have been served their notice. They helped spread lies and deception. They have ceased all communication with me but they only have 30 days and I have post it notes on their porch reminding them every day how long they have. I've seen them starting to take smaller things out today, which is what prompted this update. Mrs. Basement can be heard crying a lot if I stand by the top of the stairs. I think they might be moving back in with family, which is what they had been avoiding by moving into my basement. Her mother is toxic, her father has a new wife who hates her, and Mr. Basement's family dislikes her enough to outright ignore her or tell it to her face that she isn't family, especially because she "won't" give her bf a family. Spoiler: she can't have kids due to medical stuff. And they aren't even married. Group chat- I have screenshots of their group chat (curtesy of Mr. Attic) and there is a lot of evidence of them feeding lies to others, talking all about how they told this person this, or that person that. Mr. Basement made the claim I came onto him, and his girlfriend went nuts. I think she doesn't know he lied about it, just to make it more believable to others. When he first made the claim, she blew up my phone and social media before dragging it to others. My sisters "weren't surprised by my behavior". That....stung. I have never done anything like that in the past. My sisters- They also have their notices. The 25 year old is already moving in with a couple of friends who think I am horse shit. They come every so often to help her move things and they send me nasty looks or make loud, intentional comments for me to hear. She has been dumping my food into the trash and dumping it down the sink. I just got a minifridge for my room and she spends night screaming at my locked door. I take my work to a local cafe (rather, multiple ones) or library now because she will just shriek any time she thinks I'm working. I make it vary and don't go to the same place twice in a row. The 27 year old has turned to begging for me to let her stay as she can't afford to live on her own and she has no one willing to take her. Her boy toy (didn't even know she had one) broke up with her when he got the cease and desist from the lawyer. He was one of the ones causing problems but once the lawyer stepped in to bat, he bounced. According to Mr. Attic, he heard her telling someone something along the lines of he could move in if he helped her get me to leave or back down because "its family property". She had been taking a call outside and I caught the proof on camera because he told when and where to look for it. Quick Edit: My sisters are not moving in together because they each blame each other. They also blame the basement tenants while they blame my sisters. They all collectively blame me as well since I'm just pure evil but they think each of them pushed me to do it. Cameras- Only Mr. Attic still has access. The cameras were not part of the rental agreement and everyone lost their damn minds when I took away the access. They tried covering them or adjusting them but I warned them they would be held liable for damage and anything else I could get if they did that again. Now, I get middle fingers and aggressive stances and stares into the cameras. I'm sure I'm missing things. I just can't sleep and I'm swamped with getting them out, with work, and with trying to fill their places, and getting the basement redone before going back on the market. Update 3 July 7th, 2025 AITA for not telling my roommates and sisters I am the owner? Update 3 I really wasn't going to update again so soon. I was planning to wait til move out date or the few days following depending on how it all went but days ago a big thing happened and I just don't know how to feel about it. Also, I wanted to address a few common questions and concerns I got in comments and DMs. (If I haven't answered a DM, I am sorry. I wasn't expecting so many.) Sorry if this is long. Questions first: Is Mr. Attic still putting on his dramatic performance? : Absolutely. He has been bringing in boxes and leaving with boxes. The boxes are full of things he is donating or selling, or just empty. He is using this time as an excuse to declutter and redesign his space. I told him if he wanted to pick out new colors while I am redoing the basement to do it. He complains at my sisters in the kitchen or shared spaces when they try to talk to him about his plans, telling them he wouldn't have to make plans if it wasn't for them. Why not move into the basement and rent the house as a whole (possibly to a family)? : Children freak me out. (Kidding.) I have a pool and them being left unattended to drown is a big worry for me. I let the pool be communal. Children are naturally loud (stomping, slamming things, shrieking or laughing) and don't fully understand the concept of others and how they act infringing on their peace or the quiet. I work from home so I can't have that kind of noise above my head during meetings, or keeping me from sleeping. I also know from past experience that children are more destructive than pets (most times). I don't want crayon or marker on the walls, holes made from throwing toys, broken doors, or other things I've seen kids do during my time in the system. You leave a kid alone for a minute and they find all sorts of trouble. Did I get my restraining orders? : Not yet. I'm still collecting evidence for them. I've been collecting videos of the 25 year old screaming and the layers of harassment they caused. I also am elbows deep in an emergency one now. Call the police on the screaming : I've been advised by my lawyer to collect as many videos as I feel safe enough to do so first. Show a history, show a cause for concern. I will probably call sometime this week if she keeps it up but she has had a reason to stay very quiet. Change the locks when they leave: Every door is getting new locks, even Mr. Attic's. Charge the sisters for coffee and things: They supply their own food. They supply their own needs. My food has been moved into my room, thanks to the minifridge. Be careful they don't run up the bills: My sisters each pay equal parts of each bill in the main house. The tenants are responsible for their water and electric. If they run the bills up, they are responsible for them. The rent covers trash, wifi (no cable), heat. Onto the update. A comment mentioned that the flat tire I had might have been intentional. This left me very uneasy and I went to a friend to have it checked. He confirmed it has been slashed. I let him do a full body look over the car and he found an air tag in the bumper. We haven't figured out where it came from yet- or rather, who. He said that was outside his wheelhouse and I didn't want to keep it with me so I took it to my lawyer, who took it to the cops. I'm waiting to hear back. My 27 year old sister has been incredibly wired since it was taken to the cops, in my opinion. She has been constantly asking where I am going, what I am doing, who I am seeing. She didn't do that before. She has been trying to stalk my social media but I blocked her and a bunch of others. I know this because she keeps asking why I blocked her. She is demanding I unblock her because we are family and there shouldn't be any secrets. She also keeps pestering to know if I found their replacements yet, begging to stay, and demanding I apologize to her ex because I "terrified him with the lawyer". I am looking through my footage but I can't find anyone tampering with my car so I think the air tag was put on while the car was away from the house because whoever did it knew there were cameras facing the cars. The 25 year old started leaving big messes in the kitchen/ common rooms. She would leave dishes out overnight and a few days instead of cleaning up after herself and using the dish washer. She left clothes on the furniture and her muddy shoes in the hallway to trip people at the bottom of the stairs. I took pictures of the messes and reminded her that if I had to clean up her mess when she was gone, it would come out of her security deposit. When she cleaned the dishes, I took them all to my room. I did not supply dishes in the rental contract. Both of them are upset with me because they are back to living on paper plates. Onto the incident: Mr/s Basement do not have keys to the main house. He also didn't have cameras access to the main house except the door that connects the basement and hallway. I came home from my working day, spent at the library, to find Mr. Basement inside the main house. Alone. My sisters were still at work (I worked a half day) and Mr. Attic had left earlier that morning for a weekend get away - but he had told the others he was traveling to see a new apartment the next city over. Immediately on the edge, I called my friend and she stayed on the line while rushing over. I demanded to know what he was doing in the main house and how he got in. I had left after my sisters so I KNOW the house was locked up. He wanted to talk. He refused to answer how he got in. I figured it was a key from my sisters. He kept trying to get me to sit, to step away from the door. Eventually, he started telling me what I already knew about them moving in with family. How her family was terrible, how his family hated her, and he wanted to do anything he could to get an extension so they could focus on getting an actual apartment. When he said "anything he meant Anything" and as he said that, he stepped closer. He started to ramble about how he knew about "the way I looked at him" and he could "give me a good time". He talked about how "she didn't need to know of our time together" and "he knew I was lonely". While its true I have been single longer than I've known him, the single lifestyle has been entirely my own choice. Simply put, childhood trauma. I'm content with how I handle my life. I told him in no uncertain terms that what he was suggesting was exploitative, manipulative and downright disgusting. If he ever caught me staring, it was because of the weird 8 dot tattoo on his shoulder that I could never figure out the meaning behind. I like tattoos, I have a few myself, and I like figuring out the meanings. In no way do I find him attractive or appealing. In fact, he has the kind of red flags I would avoid in a man. I told him besides his looks, there are reasons I would never date him but I refused to list them for him. List (you can skip): He smokes, he vapes, he lights up Mary Jane. He hates animals. He wants a "brood" of children. He gets loud when he is mad, and will curse a person out over little things. He is jealous of others, men specifically. An example: He failed at being a gym bro so now men who work out are "compensating for something". He knows everything. He got angry and told me I "wasn't pretty enough to play hard to get" and that I was "lucky he was willing to help me out and maybe even give me a real reason to have such a big house". I think he was implying children. But as he was getting really nasty about it, my friend pulled up and honked loudly and for a long time. I took that distraction to get out and he followed, yelling about how it was a good deal and how I would regret being "old and alone". Minutes later, the cops rolled up. I hadn't called them, hadn't even thought to. My friend told her boss to as she left to come get me. I explained my side to the police, showed them the inside footage, and told them about his unauthorized access. They took back the key he had and trespassed him from the main part of the house. I forwarded everything to the lawyer and we should have an emergency protection order by tomorrow. I told Mr. Attic everything and he sent a small army from his community to his apartment and let me and them stay up in the apartment the last few days. I think I've been adopted? I had nowhere else to go. I have nowhere else to go. I am my only support. Or, I was. I now have these wonderful people as friends and they are willing to stay as long as Mr. Basement has access to the basement. Even after, if need be. But also, by not leaving I give the appearance I do not have the means to live in a hotel for the remainder of the month. (Who would?) I did the petty thing. I sent the video footage to Mrs. Basement. Its been radio silence from her, but she left me on read. I am shaken deeply from this. I am waiting anxiously to be told I have the emergency protection. But I have lovely people ready to toss him out if he manages to get back inside. I can't change the locks yet and even if I do, I can't guarantee my so-called sisters won't give him another copy. I changed the locks to my rooms and added extra. To be clear: because of the small army, my 25 year old sister hasn't been able to scream at odd hours. Any advice would be so appreciated. Update 4 July 11th, 2025 AITA for not telling my roommates and sisters I am the owner? Update 4 (+ The story of Mr. Attic) Hello everyone. I wanted to again thank everyone for their kind words, support, ideas and help. I cannot tell you how much your words and concern have meant, and how much the support has helped me keep strong and not back down. There have been times when I have wanted to crumble under the weight of all this stress but reading your comments has really helped me hang on. I wanted to update because so many seemed worried in my last post. I'm still here. The protection orders: I have one against Mr. Basement and he is officially not allowed to be on my property or contact me in any way, including through others like Mrs. Basement. I was unable to get one against my 25 year old sister because there hasn't been a threat of violence, even with police documentation of her screaming and the home security footage of her banging on the door. The move out date: July 26th (edited, my bad) Mrs. Basement: At first she tried to tell me she needed his help to pack and move things, and I had to repeatedly tell her he was not allowed on the property for any reason. I made it clear if I even so much as thought he was on the property, I would call the police to investigate. And I have done so. As of last night, Mr. Basement was arrested for ignoring the court ordered protection. He was in the basement helping pack at like 1AM. My new motion detectors in the back yard went off and sent me an alert. He had tried to sneak around the camera he knew was back there. But I have since upgraded and installed new hidden cameras. I was called an asshole for not informing them of the new cameras. Mrs. Basement is convinced I had seduced him and its my fault because I led him on. She yelled at me for trying to "take her man" and called me a lot of nasty things. She told me he only "offered" to do anything because they didn't want to move back in with family. It "was a sacrifice to keep her safe". There's no talking her down from that hill to die on so I have been keeping my distance. She has had a lot of "help" from family now and mostly, if I am home, I hear her family belittling her or her boyfriend's family scolding her. They think its her fault he tried to cheat and her fault they lost the apartment. They are not worried about staying quiet or calm because they are moving out anyway. 25 Year old sister: She only has a few big items left and has been mostlysleeping at her new place since it became apparent that I was going to have a rotating door of people staying with me. If she would try to leave a mess in the kitchen, she was met with judgmental stares. When she tried to take my TV in the living room while I was gone, Mr. Attic and a friend blocked her from leaving and called the cops. Its a newer smart TV. I had given Mr. Attic access to the other cameras until everyone was gone because I was worried for his and his friend's safety. She still curses me out when we manage to cross paths. She tried to cancel my internet and put "return to sender" on some mail that came in my name. The internet company has a special code for each account and she couldn't provide the code so they called me. My mail lady was confused and asked me about the mail, asking if I needed a forwarding address because I was moving. I'm going to get a lock box things for packages now. 27 Year old sister: I don't think she is looking for apartments. She keeps crying to me that she has nowhere to go. She tried to change the lock to her bedroom but I shut that down. I think she will try again. She has been bringing some guy around a lot but refuses to make introductions. He stays in her room mostly, only leaving to use the bathroom or watch her microwave ramen and eggs. He won't look anyone in the face and rolls his eyes when people try to talk to him. I'm worried this will turn into a squatter matter so I am working with my lawyer to have everything ready to remove him as well. Was he the boy toy from earlier?: I have no idea. I didn't know she had one and I don't know what he looked like. When I found out, it was only a name. Since she hasn't made introductions with him, I don't know who he is. Mr. Attic's blown cover: They haven't done much of anything to him since they seem to realize he was feeding me information. They blocked him. We are pretty sure they still think he has to move out too and him giving me stuff was a last ditch effort to stay. They won't even look at him anymore. The story of Mr. Attic (with his approval): Mr. Attic is the youngest of 7 (yes, that is right) kids. There would have 10 had there been proper medical care. His parents are heavily involved with their church and do not believe in a lot of things: modern medicine, birth control, non-traditional gender roles, ect. At this point, I'm pretty sure you can see where this is going. At 16, Mr. Attic was exposed to the outside world for the first time. Up until that point, he had been homeschooled and only knew people from his religious community. He started to sneak out to learn more. By 18, he had his childhood vaccines and a career picked out. When he told his family he wanted to learn medicine they tried to get him to "intern" with their family care people from the church. He perused real medicine and started classes to become a nurse. They were heavily resistant and hard to handle about it, but still talking to him. Mostly to try to force him back into the fold. He still lived at home so it was a constant battlefield. He began sleeping in his car on campus. But then he met a guy and his perspective on a lot more changed. They talked, they laughed, they danced. His family found out and went through the roof. They kicked him out with just the clothes on his back. They burned pictures of him, and any family photo that had him was either destroyed or he was cut out of. They cut him off from all family. They tried to take the car but it was in his name. They harassed and did a lot of terrible things to the guy he had been seeing. He was unable to handle the level of nuclear crazy that was Mr. Attic's family so he put a stop to their relationship. Mr. Attic, alone and desperate because of the upcoming winter, looked everywhere to get a place to stay. He crashed on a lot of couches for evenings at a time because fall hit fast and hard. No one could take him in long term because they were living at home or had roommates. He heard about my place from a friend of a friend and turned up one evening, asking like a small child if there was any room left. He offered to take the garage even, just a bed in the corner. I set him up in the attic and helped get him more clothes and a bed. I made intentional leftovers for the first few months and didn't take any rent until he had what he needed for class and himself. The rent started as just enough to cover his bills and after he got his career, it grew a little more. When I saw him on my porch, in dirty clothes and no jacket in October, I saw myself in January of the year I was shut out of my group home with just a bag of too small clothes, shoes with holes, an old hand-me-down ipad that hardly worked, and 50$ to my name. He told me he never forgot how kind I had been to him, and how kind I had been to let him bring in short term guests who also had nowhere to go until they could get on their feet. I hadn't known the full story when he first moved in, and I never pushed him. When he brought home a non-biological woman (I'm sorry, I don't know all the correct terms) and I didn't even blink, just offered spaghetti, he knew this was his place and I was his people. I didn't ask, didn't make a fuss, and offered some clothes for her. He always wanted to try to repay me but I always seemed to never need anything. He said I was always giving. I didn't see it like that. I've been invited to a cafe and bar. Ones that usually only caters to the LGBTQ+ community, but I am going to go and meet people. He'd like me to meet more of his friends. They really are wonderful people. Update 5 July 15th, 2025 AITA for not telling my roommates and sisters I am the owner? Update 5 I wanted to thank everyone for their kind words regarding Mr. Attic's story. I was honestly a little worried putting it out there like that but am glad I did. His friends have found the posts and have been reading off some of the comments for him. He turns red sometimes and tells them to stop. Someone in the comments had the idea to make "Team Attic" shirts and his one friend came by the cafe this morning with them. We were all wearing them when he came by before work and he laughed so hard he cried. And then he really cried. I felt bad but he told me he wasn't upset - he was just so warmed by all the kindness, grace, and wonderful vibes from the people reading my posts. He feels like he has a second community at his back now. This update isn't much: just the good, the bad, and the ugly. I really can't believe this is update 5 already. The good: I have been to the cafe twice now and both times have been charming, enlightening, and wonderful. I cannot stress how kind his friends and community are. They have spent their time teaching me, helping me navigate their terminology and have been so very patient with my relentless questions. (The food is kickass and they made me a pumpkin something that I could die for) The bad: I had the 27 year old's "friend" removed by police after he refused to leave of his own accord. He hit the number of days he was allowed to stay in the lease agreement and another handful of days would make him a tenant/squatter. I think they thought I didn't know that law or had forgotten or would be cool with him hanging around. (I did call him by the boy toy's name and he answered before immediately going back to her room.) So I think she was trying to get him to stay like their plan had originally been. He had a few bags of items and a laundry basket of clothes. He is well aware that I will call the police again if he shows up. She has not packed up a single thing. The ugly x3: My 25 year old sister is trying to sue me for "withholding inheritance". I don't know if she has a real lawyer, if its a cracker doing pro bono, or if its just an attempt to scare me into giving her money. I'm taking it to my lawyer in the next few days. Edit: I think she means my house. I never received anything from my parents - and my dad is not her dad so even if I had, she might not have been entitled to it. The police have not yet told me anything about the tracker found in my car. Mrs. Basement is trying to hide a bruise with some shoddy make up and big sunglasses. I can't say I know what caused the bruise, but I think we all have similar thoughts on the matter. She immediately goes inside anytime she sees me. Like, girl, I see you. Not a super big update or moving forward, but it feels nice to be able to type it all out. I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts submitted by /u/secure-raspberry-763 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Mean_Trick_2315 Originally posted to r/daddit My brother called me at 2 am, in tears, asking if I’d raise his 2 year old. Now I'm scared. Dads—how do I help him right now? Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: severe depression, suicidal ideation Mood Spoilers: triumphant Original Post: May 19, 2025 Last week my older brother rang in the middle of the night. He was crying, like really crying, and asked me to promise I’d look after his little girl if anything ever happened to him. He’s always been steady. He sailed through their first kid’s newborn chaos. But since the second came along (she’s two now), something’s changed. He spends evenings alone in the driveway, just sitting in the car with the engine off. He moved into the spare room “so I don’t keep my wife up,” but it feels more like retreat than courtesy. During the day he texts “All good", without any unusual signs. I’m scared this is more than normal dad stress. He won’t bring it up with his wife, and I don’t want to bulldoze him, but I also don’t want to wait for another 2 am call. For parents (or anyone who’s been the worried sibling): what actually helped you when the fear and isolation took over? How do I start the conversation about therapy or support without making him shut down? Any ideas welcome; I just want my brother present and okay for his kids. Edit #1: I read every single comment, thank you! The message is loud and clear: that 2 a.m. call was a SOS, not “dad stress”. I’m flying out Tonight (waiting for the weekend felt dumb). Plan is simple: over breakfast I’m going to ask him straight up: “Are you thinking about killing yourself?”, if the answer is even close to a yes, we’ll call 988 or go to a doctor together. Then I’ll drag him outside the house to do something he used to love, maybe golf, maybe steakhouse or a bad action movie, just to let his brain breathe and create rooms for him to open up. At some point, I’ll loop his wife in gently so she’s not in the dark. Ticket is booked. He thinks I’m in town for work. I’ll keep you posted. Thanks for pushing me off the couch. UPDATE #1: Got to his place, he smiled when he opened the door. My tears almost slipped out, but I held it together. Low key catch up tonight and real talk tomorrow, will be back with updates. booked a flight, confronting him tomorrow Update #2: I flew out and I’m camped on my brother’s couch. Big midnight porch confession—debt, depression, the whole lot. If you want the full rundown (and some questions I need help with) it’s here Thanks again—your advice got me on the plane. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: PPD is also a thing for dads OOP: PPD was my first thought too. Problem is, in his town “dads don’t get depressed,” so reaching out looks like weakness. Resources are basically nil. Super frustrating. If anyone knows legit dad-friendly help, please drop it. Commenter 2: If my brother called me at 2am like this, I'd be asking my wife to watch my daughter for a couple days and booking a flight out to visit. I'd probably take him out for drinks and beat the explanation of how he was feeling out him. If I felt pretty confident that he wasn't actually as critically unstable as he seemed in the 2am call, I might put the trip off for a few days. If he wanted, I'd make some excuse about having business in the area, but I wouldn't avoid the visit. The dude needs someone to talk to if he's breaking down like this at 2am. Could be anything from financial stress to just plain old chemical depression. OOP: Thanks for the reality check, you’re right, I can’t just chalk that call up to stress. He’s always been the family rock, so seeing him crack like that was a gut punch. I’m lining up a visit ASAP, no big agenda, just showing up and letting him talk. Appreciate the push, Reddit brother. OOP on knowing if her brother drinks or not to cope with his depression OOP: It never occurred to me he could be drinking on the side. I’m his sister, so getting a guy’s perspective on how men sometimes hide this stuff is really helpful. I’m flying out this weekend so he’s not alone with the spiral. Really appreciate the advice. Do you think he will be honest with me if I ask him about the drinking issue? Commenter 3: Is the 2nd kid his? I'd wonder if he found something out that made him separate from his wife intentionally since the birth... OOP: I did not think of that. He did ask me to take care of his little one (2nd kid), my assumption is unlikely, but there's definitely some issue with their relationship. Commenter 4: Lurking mom here; as someone who has had very severe depression, with suicidal ideation and put plans in place, this is worthy of a five alarm siren. Your brother needs your help NOW. I cannot tell you how bad it had to be for me to reach out for help; I am always outwardly steady and very good at hiding my depression. You need to, as someone else said, beat the explanation of how he is feeling out of him. Do not allow yourself to be shrugged off and do not let him act like it’s not a big deal or you are overreacting. OOP: Big props to you for speaking up, your honesty is the wake-up call I needed. Thank you. OOP should help look into getting therapy for her brother OOP: He’s pretty therapy-shy, so I’m looking for softer on-ramps, maybe a standing coffee walk with a dad buddy, or maybe there's an app with check-in like “Not OK"? Anything that feels like hanging out rather than sitting on a couch in the therapist's office. If you’ve got other low-key ideas, I’m all ears. OOP needs to follow her gut feelings from that 2AM phone call, likely the call for help OOP: My inner voice was telling me that this is not the typical thing, thank you for the validation, I'm booking the ticket now.   Update #1: May 22, 2025 (three days later) My brother called me at 2am: "If I don’t make it, promise you’ll raise my kids." So I flew across the country. Now I’m on his couch, and here’s what I just learned: Last night we wound up on his back porch around midnight, baby monitor humming between us. It was quiet for a long stretch, then he started talking, and the words poured out, pretty soon we were both wiping our eyes. He’s embarrassed I flew across the country to “babysit” him, but even more scared about what would happen to his kids if he ever hit the point of no return. His business is buried in debt and a few clients still haven’t paid, so every bill feels like a gut punch. Home is tense too. He took clients to a strip club on a work trip, told his wife right away so there were no secrets, tried to be close later and she pulled back. He says that felt like the biggest humiliation of his life, and now he freezes whenever things might turn intimate. Back in February he went to his PCP because he couldn't sleep. The doctor ran a quick screen, called it severe depression, and put him on meds. He didn’t tell anyone, because “talking to a stranger won’t fix it” and he figured he could muscle through. Meanwhile he feels responsible for his wife, the kids, our parents, even me. At one point he said, “I can’t breathe.” The only thing that yanks him out of dark thoughts is his toddler’s face in the morning. I pulled out my phone and showed him this Reddit thread: thousands of strangers pacing over his 2 am call. He shakes his head and laughs: “I felt bad stressing you out—now the whole internet’s sweating over me.” A bit of the weight slid off right there. Then I reminded him how many times I’d drafted him as my bodyguard while growing up, chasing off boys I didn’t like and listening to me cry when the ones I liked didn’t like me back. We cracked up at how he’s been my unofficial relationship therapist forever while insisting he’s “bad at feelings.” That laugh felt good, but one porch talk isn’t a cure. So here’s my ask: * Therapy-averse dads or moms who finally went: What flipped the switch for you? * Depression survivors: What was the very first step that gave you air? * 2 am panic veterans: When you couldn’t call anyone, what kept you from tipping over? Short answers, long stories, whatever helps. This sub already got me on a plane, maybe you’ll get him to real daylight. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Not directly what you asked about, but if he has clients that aren't paying, assuming he's a contractor or freelancer, and he has some documentation, he can absolutely take them to small claims court over it. I have an acquaintance who did this, he was getting stiffed by a two clients, a small business and another mid sized local business, and he sent them notice they were late and that he'd be taking them to court in 7 days. One paid up immediately on the threat, the other didn't, he represented himself in small claims court, the judge found in his favor, end of story. Obviously this might feel like an extra thing to take on, and he'd need to do some research, but it could help relieve some financial stress. Small claims court is underrated, you can even sue large companies there in some cases OOP: This is helpful, thank you! I'll pass this along to my brother. Commenter 2: I was therapy adverse. I realized that I don’t go for me, I go for my kid. I want to be better and have a better grasp on issues so I can model it for my kids. I want a healthy relationship with boundaries, self image, money, etc, because my folks didn’t and I see all that in me. I want to stamp it out at me, it ends with my generation. Tell your brother, if his toddlers face is the only thing that pulls him out of the dark, make it so that the dark disappears as much as it can and the burden isn’t on his kid. It’s not his kids job to get him through. It’s his job. Talking is helpful. Have him talk to his wife more about what happened and how he feels about how she treated him. OOP: "It’s not his kids job to get him through. It’s his job." - I think that will speak to him. Thank you. Commenter 3: Dad, physician and therapist activist. I know it may feel like "talking to a stranger"... Because that's what it is... In the beginning. A few things to understand - you have to find the right person for you. I realized that I would prefer a male, after seeing 2 women, because they'd relate better to me. Then I realized I'd prefer a younger male over an older male. Then a colored male over a white male. Eventually.. it just clicked. And it becomes a feeling of "wow.. this person, gets me!" Then this person gets to know you and can allow you to view these issues in a different light, ask you questions that maybe you haven't thought about and, most importantly, give the tools to help process and heal the thoughts you may have. You are making REALLY good progress. I commend your commitment and love for your brother, I wish more of my patients had that support system. Continue what you're doing, continue showing up and continue recommending he find the right therapist for him. Healing your mental health takes work, it's not an easy fix, and it takes time. OOP: Appreciate the reminder that finding a therapist is a bit like dating, you keep looking until the fit feels right. Thanks for the encouragement and for spelling out what a good therapist actually brings to the table.   Editor's Note: the body text for Update #2 was saved before it got removed Update #2: May 26, 2025 (four days later) Hey. It’s the sister with the 2am call—back because something wild happened. Quick recap for anyone just dropping in: A few days ago at 2am, my phone lit up. My brother asked if I could take care of his kids if something bad happened. The words sounded practical, the hour felt like a silent goodbye. I came here and told you everything. You answered, hundreds of you. Last night we read all 700-plus replies together. Each line felt like someone farther up the trail flashing a light back toward us. He set the phone down, shook his head, and said: He asked me to pass along what landed, his lines and my narration around them. 1. “How did we all miss the sirens?” Thread after thread told the same gut-punch story: brothers cracking jokes at dinner, FaceTiming goodnights—and then gone. Some waved flags (good-bye texts, sudden giveaways). Others wore flawless masks: meds skipped, plans canceled, eyes smiling but empty. His takeaway: Stop betting on “maybe tomorrow.” Ask the blunt question. Knock anyway. Fire off the midnight check-in. Mine: Show up first, hope later. Drag them to the doctor today, not when the calendar clears. One knock at the right moment can keep a life from swinging shut. 2. Therapy: jack, not tow truck He dodged therapy for years—“real men fix flats alone.” Then one analogy finally landed. His takeaway: If you won’t grab a tool for yourself, grab it so your kids don’t grow up thinking silence is strength. Mine: Therapy isn’t a rescue crew; it lifts the frame so you can work. If the first jack slips, swap it and keep going. 3. Depression never really moves out We finally admitted it: depression doesn’t pack its bags. Most of us just learn to walk with the limp while acting like everything’s fine. Relief looks different for everyone: weights, riffs, sketchbooks, meds, CBT drills, but even the best routine collapses when you’re alone and the limp turns to sludge. Action beats rumination: ping a friend, walk a block, book the labs, anything. His takeaway: Depression wins if I freeze alone. Any motion with people: Lifting, riffing, walking, talking, pumps oxygen back into the day. Mine: Normalize the limp, keep nudging toward motion, and never let anyone walk that limp alone. 4. The 2 am Kill-Zone That’s when the brain rips off its daytime mask and insists the only exit is to stop breathing. Two refrains echo: “I wish he’d called” and “I had no one to dial.” We’re never true islands, even a lone rock has fish swirling underneath, so reach out when you can’t pull yourself back. His takeaway: When tunnel vision hits, a live voice is the crowbar that pries the door back open. Mine: Build fail-safes before the kill-zone. Keep numbers pinned, plans primed, and remember: if you can’t calm your own storm, send a signal—someone’s awake and willing to steer you till morning. Why I’m writing (and staying) I’m typing parts of this in tears because the reality of almost losing my brother finally sank in. Humanity is rare on the internet, but this thread flooded us with it. If these words keep even one more family from that edge, sharing them is a must. No one should die of lonely suffering. Even a “lone” island isn’t truly alone; life teems beneath the surface. Let’s prove that to anyone who feels stranded. What We Still Need — Add Your Piece I’m still wiping tears because if I hadn’t acted on what the dads and moms here shared, I might be planning my brother’s funeral right now. Your advice saved him, so I’m leaning in again: If you’re still in the thick of it: -What’s weighing on you right now? Money panic, med roulette, zero support circle, name it so we can all see it. If you’ve made it to steadier ground: -What do you wish you’d done sooner, or wish existed, when things were darkest? -What’s actually helped you fight back? A habit, a line, a resource - share the thing that really moved the needle. Everything you offer will go into a living guide we can all lean on. One late-night thread kept my brother here; together we can keep the next family whole. Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: This is why we are here! Y’all made my day just now! OOP: ❤️❤️ I'm really grateful to come across with all the amazing dads and moms here. Commenter 2: Thank you for taking the time to write this. The referenced discussion was something I missed but I'm glad I clicked on this one. There's one huge thing that keeps me coming back to this subreddit. To remind myself that I'm not alone when I struggle. Not ever. OOP: I’m so glad you found this one, and thank you for saying that. That exact feeling, “I’m not alone” is what kept me holding it together while writing and reading through tear Commenter 3: This is outstanding progress. Im proud of you both. He HAS to fix his business. For small business owners, mental health and the business performance are impossible to seperate. He cant do it alone. Just like therapy, he needs to bring in someone that can shine a light where it needs to be. Thats not weakness, thats just being smart and using someone else's skillset. You (he) can do this! OOP: Yes, the business still needs to be figured out, but he can't do it unless he's mentally stable, so one step at a time. Thank you for the support!   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Long story short my GF (44) I’m (37) she has a almost 12 year old son who still will often ask to sleep in her bed. He has not hit puberty yet or anything but she does often allow this. ( I don't live there and never sleep there ) The one time I spent the night the boy banged the side of his bed in his room until 2AM until she eventually caved and went and slept in his bed with him, me alone in her room. We just got back from our first family vacation, A 1 bedroom condo, with a loft that has two single beds for the kids, her daughter 9 and the boy nearing 12, the daughter had no issues sleeping up there. The boy slept up there the first night, but said we had to keep our master bedroom door open all night, this is even a policy at there home, she must sleep with her bedroom door open. The 2nd or 3rd night the house is dark and quiet for at least an hour everyone should be sleeping, me and my GF start fooling around a bit, very quiet ect. Sure enough the boy sneaks downstairs and peeks into our room and sees me and his mom doing stuff. 45 minutes of pure chaos follows of yelling, screaming, you name it he does not like his mom doing stuff with me. Side note the boy really likes me otherwise and we do tons of guy hobbies and fun stuff together, he likes having me around, just doesn't like me being alone with her. So for the remainder of the trip he says he's sleeping on the couch, which is just outside our room.. with the door wide open of course, she allows this... The one night I get up around midnight to take a pee, house and has been quiet and dark for over an hour everyone should be sleeping. I get up really quiet and peek around the door frame to see what the boy is doing.. He should be sleeping. And sure enough he's awake, just staring down the hall into our room, listening, waiting, monitoring... if there are any sounds or noises or anything. This is creepy AF to me, I close the door to the bedroom after I go to the bathroom, but not latched all the way closed, and sure enough 10 minutes later he comes storming down the hall, swings the door open violently, screaming why is the door closed, she gets up starts screaming at me for closing it. I calmly explain how he was just sitting up, watching, waiting, listening for anything from our room. She grabs a pillow and blanket and runs out to the couch where he should be sleeping, and than they eventually all go upstairs and sleep in the loft, me alone in the main bedroom. Is this all too much? We have been dating over a year, I have hung out with them as a family tons and tons of times, at there house very frequently ect. But this boy and moms attachment isn't normal is it? He is totally ok with his father getting re married, and has no issues with him or his new wife by the way - but only sees the father a couple times a year - lives other side of the country, Guessing a total of 5/6 weeks a year total he goes to see him. He really loves and looks up to his dad, and is well behaved when he visits him I’ve been told. Added: ** the boy is diagnosed with ADHD and ODD ( Oppositional defiant disorder) where I think she clearly struggles setting boundaries with him. ** the 9 year old daughter is super normal, goes to bed at a decent time, stays in her bed, never causes any issues. If I am at there house watching a movie or Hockey game on a school night and it's getting late, the boy will not go to sleep he will stay up until I leave.. And she allows this. ** the whole family does individual therapy, the boy has seen many professionals, psychiatrist , neurologist, school resources ect, I am just not sure how much had been addressed with the co dependency... ** we’ve done lots of camping as a family unit but never any problems since he’s close by in the tent with her / us… ** been dating / together over a year, she had me over at her house frequently/ part of her kids life early on within the first month I would say. submitted by /u/R_87 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

https://www.reddit.com/r/Conservative/comments/1iyio3s/trump_posts_whats_next_for_gaza_video/?sort=top ~~HIGHLIGHT 1~~ Comment: "what the fuck is going on." (+3k) 1st reply to comment: "I'm told we're getting great again..." (+697) 2nd reply to comment: "Lots of reee! from leftists and 'fellow conservatives.'" (-36) 3rd reply to comment: "Honestly? Magic, or at least the same concepts. Distract with showy and easily focusable things. Give your opponents something to rail against and focus their attention while you continue other activities that would disrupt the goal if focused. At least, that's the only way I can make sense of some of the weird lately. The alternative is not good..." (+90) 4th reply to comment: "It's a message. 'Gaza can become a safe and peaceful place, akin to Dubai, through urban development.' Nobody is armed, kids play safely while foreign benefactors shower them with money, the rubble is gone. The left hates this idea because of their savior complex, and the arabs will hate it because their 'destroy israel' shibboleth requires a permanent victim to use as leverage." (-232) Reply to 4th reply: "Are people on the sub downvoting you or are you being brigaded? I can't tell for sure, though I lean to the brigade option." (-11) ~~HIGHLIGHT 2~~ Comment: "Goddamnit man Been thrilled with Trump’s domestic policy, but his foreign policy has been a solid F-… Canada “51st state” rhetoric, Greenland, Gaza, cozying to Putin… it’s all fucking dogshit" (+1.8k) 1st reply to comment: "I agree. He comes out swinging, doing a lot of stuff everyone loves, but he can just never stay on point." (+277) 2nd reply to comment: "I think it just breaks our concept of what our world has been, which isn't sustainable. Recently, I discovered the past 40 years have all been a charade to inflate the economy and hijack our tax revenue and it completely worked. Ever since LBJ assassinated JFK. We are TRILLIONS in debt, something ought to change because once the discretionary spending is spent we're fucked. We currently pay 76-80% of our tax revenue in the form of INTEREST PAYMENTD ON THOSE TRILLIONS our weak politicians owe. Why has it been set up this way when there's literally almost 5 trillion in tax revenue annually? Everybody just eats the bread and watches the circus. I mean we just had the dude who literally started the aids epidemic unleash a "virus disease" on us and be pushed to the forefront as some national doctor that didn't base his suggestions in science. All fact, just gotta learn for yourself." (-96) 3rd reply to comment: "Maybe he’s playing 4D chess, lol." (-141) ~~HIGHLIGHT 3~~ Comment: "Yeah, I'm 100% sure Palestinians will LOVE being thrown out of their land to see it being transformed into a playground for billionaires." (+905) 1st reply to comment: "It’s uninhabitable right now." (-24) 2nd reply to comment: "I see your sarcasm and laughed because of it. Thank God we all know history shows that is not Palestinian land" (-144) Reply to 2nd reply: "There’s still 2 million people living there. It’s one of the most densely populated places on the planet. What does history say about the humanitarian logistics of forcibly relocating 2 million people? You’re trying to be based but you’ve circled back into cringe." (+262) Credits to u/fxryker for the outline submitted by /u/FlakeyToast to r/SubredditDrama [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/Outdoor_Entrepreneur to r/Outdoors [link] [comments]