T Shirt Cutting Ideas

... if he gets any funny ideas about challenging Evolution any further... and Rhyno rips off his shirt. Eugene picks up the referee... shirt and heads into the ring. ... Jack knocking him down and cutting him open in the process...

.... Those sound like absolutely FANTASTIC ideas! ^_^ I wanna see them... my updated list of sketch ideas & game features that I..., sandals, & heeled shoes Ruffly shirt/dress cuffs Pieces to make... vegetables Forks Tongs Coriander(s) Cutting board(s) Pots & pans... section for "Leisurely Items" (see ideas above) * Even MORE decorations! (like... to see all of the ideas & suggestions listed by Cybernetic ...

... out louder than she'd expected, cutting across the noise of the... jeans and a blue plaid shirt, with a small kevlar vest... over the shirt itself. Her black braided hair... admitted. "I'm all out of ideas. Unless we leg it the ... mask and a matching diamond-patterned shirt that suggested someone had put ...

.... The cameraman made a tiny cutting motion across his throat. "Uh.... Shoda was sweating through his shirt by the five-minute mark. His... teenagers run out of silly ideas, someone said the obvious thing...

... the first time. Barefoot. No shirt on his body. Just a... around. Thinking. Then I started cutting it into smaller pieces so... be easy. Write, post, share ideas. But reality was different. One...

... the distinct scent of chlorine cutting through the ozone. Was I... bed. Then she tossed my shirt into my face. Bitch. If.... But I didn't. Pulling the shirt back on I felt the ... digitisation, there were two main ideas that came to mind for ...

... some battles to get new ideas but this rain…" "Bad luck... replied. "Good. You get any ideas from seeing Grace take him... stood out against her red shirt, struggling somewhat for breath in... the perspiration accumulating on his shirt. Angel had tried in vain..., tying it together with a cutting from a spool of twine, ...

... series. Might give me some ideas. Been years since I wrote...!" "Circumstantial." "It made the throat cutting gesture at me!" He made... floor with puke on her shirt. So pointless. Who needed all... affair with a white dress shirt and deep blue tie. Nothing...

... AI generated art pieces and shirt at comic cons, and that's... thought, no understanding of how ideas fit together. I do agree... adhere to the bed, requiring cutting. So I did a base...

... thumbtacks pointed out under his shirt. She could barely keep still... that it helped make the ideas flow to her brush and... she found...." "No!" Juno shouted, cutting Father off. "I mean, no, ...

.... "What are you doing here?" "Cutting through." Joe pointed vaguely toward... floor beside the bed. Sweat-soaked shirt. Breathing hard. One arm shaking... of the brace beneath his shirt. Joe winced slightly but didn't... series I enjoyed for its ideas, setting, and characters. Fractures began... opportunity to explore those same ideas from a different angle. A...

..., somewhere away from here. Her shirt was torn and barely hanging... her, Miwa was there- sword cutting through its eye-branches in one... honestly didn't buy the curse cutting up a hundred guys and... made from disposable scrap anyway. Ideas started churning in his head...

... of the way, the knife cutting through the side of his... us." Megumi cursed, seemingly running ideas in his head before flicking... in the jeans and white shirt advanced without fear. Power radiating...

... of the way, the knife cutting through the side of his... us." Megumi cursed, seemingly running ideas in his head before flicking... in the jeans and white shirt advanced without fear. Power radiating...

... to clean it with his shirt. "You act like a ... kunoichi had stopped him from cutting the long-haired man open. He'd... up to Fuji. When his shirt was grabbed, when he looked... shade near the rubble, his shirt sticking to him. He was... his finger off on his shirt. "Tora?" he asked, unsure. Tora... of the buttons on his shirt. It was like plastic, ... in charge have very different ideas about what Seed should be...

... in a clean white button shirt and black dress pants compared... for the Island and started cutting trees down or spilling oil..., and I've gotten some other ideas noted down for later. Hope...

I needed a t-shirt for a 90s themed party outfit and couldn’t find one that I liked. So instead I spent a casual 6 hours the night before putting this ‘totally rad’ design together. I quickly realized that I did NOT have the layering skills that it deserved (especially with puff HTV! 😰), but I made it work and am rather pleased with how it turned out. Learn from my mistakes. I knew that it would be a bad idea to put regular HTV on top of the puff so I slice cut the sprinkles pattern out in both black and pink and then had to attempt to align the sprinkles with their holes. 🙈 If I were at attempt this again it would be a solid black M underneath. Also I think it’s time to give in and accept that I need to buy a press… my cheapo iron with unknown temps isn’t cutting it anymore (see patchy, part scorched/wrinkly puff in the closeup). submitted by /u/thelittlebunny2 to r/cricut [link] [comments]

Have you ever actually ordered a custom t-shirt for a special event? I never have. Apart from the vague idea of ​​“making memories,” I genuinely do not understand the obsession. Ashley's Bachelorette. Smith Family Reunion. Bike-a-thon 2017. Cute? Sure. Necessary? Not really... I work in public schools in the US, and schools pump these things out constantly. Choir concerts, fun runs, field trips, field days, kindergarten graduations. It never ends. But why? If the goal is unity or visibility, why not just say wear a red shirt for field day or wear a white shirt and black pants for the concert? If cost is the concern, schools could keep a small stash of basic non-specific shirts and pants and reuse them or give them to families instead of creating a new design every time. Most of these shirts will never be worn again. Maybe they get demoted to pajama duty or used for messy chores, but that is the best case scenario. Usually, they just sit in a drawer until someone finally gives up and donates them. I've been handed several after events, and they just take up space. Half the time I end up tossing them into Lost and Found because I have no idea what else to do with them. I don't know how to address this with others, even those who say they care about the environment or reducing waste. Ugh. Edit: 1000% agree that these shirts are better than customized plastic crap. At least shirts can be worn again or cut and sewn into something else. And t-shirt quilts and ironic thrifting aren't for me, but you do you. Better than a landfill or filling up Goodwill. submitted by /u/Pizza-Kurwa to r/Anticonsumption [link] [comments]

EDIT (5/22/26): Both kittens passed their behavioral tests, which is good news since that is a requirement for adoption. They are living at the kitten nursery, happy and healthy. Next step is spaying/neutering, which will likely take place after the kittens reach a specific age/body weight. Thanks everyone for the follow ups about this and sorry it took awhile to get the update. The shelter is pretty busy, so getting a hold of someone on the phone for an update is rare. Update to my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/cats/comments/1tc62yv/kitten_stuck_down_storm_drain_help/ Hi everyone, so sorry for the radio silence yesterday. The day completely got away from us, but I have good news – the kittens were rescued and are safe**.** Below is a recap of how the events transpired. Given how many of you have a vested interest, I thought it appropriate to include as many details as possible. They’re currently with the Humane Society getting checked out. They seem to be in reasonable shape, just understandably shell-shocked, hungry and exhausted. Because we have cat allergies, we unfortunately couldn't keep them ourselves. They are so incredibly adorable and we sincerely hope they find a good home together. It wasn't easy giving them up, but we felt we had given them a second chance at life. I wish I had more photos, as so many of you want to see them and I feel like so many of you have been with us during this journey. Things got hectic during the rescue process and the little ones seemed pretty stressed out, so we let them be. The Humane Society was a little awkward about not letting us take a few final photos before we left. I honestly didn't expect my last post to blow up the way it did. Your advice, your stories, and just the general "hive mind" support helped us triage the situation when we were in need of a lot of ideas quickly. This was a team effort, Reddit. I never thought I’d feel this connected to a bunch of strangers, so thank you. Full story A few weeks ago, we noticed two strays in the yard. We have a bit of a gopher problem, so we figured if we left out some food and water, it was a win-win for everyone. Then, a few days ago, a tiny kitten popped out of the bushes one evening while I was taking out the trash and nearly gave me a heart attack. I had a good laugh, but didn't think more about it. The next day, my wife calls me saying there’s a cat stuck in one of our storm drain pipes. I didn't believe her at first, but then we heard the sad cries coming from the gutter downspouts. After checking our storm drains, we realized that there were two ways the kittens could have entered: a grate at the drain exit (which had popped off) and an opening in our garden (previously unknown) which likely serves as an air intake to promote flow. Both of these entrances have now been gated and secured. The initial photos I shared were of the downspout for the gutters, which I had removed in order to access the pipes below. The gutter pipes have been replaced, so no little kitties will be able to jump down there. We initially cut a towel into thin strips and lowered them into the entry/exits into the drains and threw some cat food down the pipes to attract the cats. That didn't work and we still heard the sad meows (heartbreaking). Yesterday morning, my wife was really worried so she played the sounds of a YouTube video of a mother cat calling her kittens. She received an instant response and looked down the downspout. There it was, a tiny spotted face staring back at her. She screamed for me and for us that was overwhelming, so we decided to kick it into higher gear and get much more aggressive about saving them. We called animal control for help. Sadly, animal control said they don't assist with this sort of thing, so we were on our own. I don’t think they were rude about it, but it felt like our situation was either not their primary focus or much lower in priority compared to other issues they handled. We didn’t want to quit, so I said to my wife, hey let’s post on Reddit while we brainstorm to get some ideas from others and that’s when I encountered r/Cats. Within minutes, people responded and we started looking into everything that was recommended. We decided to start with the least invasive and escalating as needed. The top ideas were: 1) provide a way for the kittens to climb out; 2) call the firefighters; 3) call the plumbers; 4) cut the pipes open. Our local firefighters responded within a few minutes of us calling them. It was a full truck roll and three guys hopped out. They were super kind and I think they helped us calm down quite a bit, as we likely had a lot of frantic energy about us. We tried several ways to locate/drive the kittens out the storm drain exit, but after half an hour or so, they had to leave. I could tell they really wanted to find the kittens, but they also had other people to help. We were so grateful they came. Quite a few Redditors mention calling a plumber. This sounds so obvious in retrospect, but I never thought of this. While we were searching, we noticed AI was recommending Roto-Rooter, who offered free pet rescues. This sounded like just what we needed and I was a little skeptical about it, but we thought, why not give this a shot. We have nothing to lose and really wanted to get those little guys out. We called the 800 number and a lovely woman picked up on the second ring. She calmly took our info and instructed us to wait for a call back. 15 min later, Jeremy, who is a field supervisor in the region, calls us back. He's a self-declared cat lover and already on the way. Both he and his fiance have seen my original post trending on Reddit. He's about an hour away from us, but I swear he was at our door in much less time. I get a new wave of confidence when Jeremy steps up to the task. I give him the run down and just then, we see a small head pop out of the storm drain exit (let’s call this kitten, Princess). Princess ducks back into the pipe and we get there just in time to see a tail disappear. Jeremy races back to his truck to get some gear, yelling “we can do this!” He deploys his digital scope, which has 100ft of line and plans to use its lights to encourage the kittens to reverse out of the tunnel system. I've attached actual video footage from the scope inside the drain line. Unfortunately, I was focused on grabbing Princess at the very end, so I didn't capture any photos. We do have some after action shots of Jeremy consoling a very scared kitten. We thought our job was done. As we clean up, we hear more meows but this time, they are coming from the other side of the drainage system. We start at the very beginning of the pipes with the scope and work our way through. I have some long runs and it's a bit of a network of pipes, so it took some time, but seeing the kitten’s tiny face (let’s call him Mario), beautiful eyes, and pink nose on the scope’s monitor gave us a renewed sense of purpose. We used two different scopes to corral the kitten towards my wife, who was waiting at the drain exit. After a few start/stops, we get the kitten to go down the right tube to the exit. He's a bit of a fighter, so I end up having to reach into the pipes and grabbing him (gently) with my bbq tongs since he keeps retreating. Video footage of the scope in the pipes also included. After settling down the kittens into their own cardboard boxes, we give them some food/water/hugs and we finally take a breather. I've soaked through my shirt and Jeremy's knuckles are bloody from pushing the scope cabling down the pipe. My wife is still in disbelief and all of us are smiling. We are so relieved! Jeremy received a few service calls while he was here, so I could tell he had to move on (but didn’t want to). We tried to compensate him for his time but he flat out refused. I think we had to force him to take a sandwich and drink from our local deli. As he was packing up, he shared a story about a time he couldn't rescue a kitten that had fallen 20 feet vertically into a storm drain, so this felt like redemption to him. We were very moved hearing that this was a win he needed. He certainly made up for it, since we pulled not one, but 2 out of the tunnels. About the cats themselves. We estimate they are around 8 weeks old, based on their size. Princess is much smaller, with light brown spots. She is fairly shy, mews very quietly, and keeps to herself. I suspect the ordeal was likely tougher on her because she's smaller. Mario is gray with tiger stripes. He is much larger, aggressive and loud. I am less worried about him. If we could keep these kittens, we would (I think this is the cat tax people are referring to?). Unfortunately, I am very allergic to cats and our young children show signs of this as well. We were worried about their health, so we dropped them off at the Humane Society to give them the best chance at recovery. We thought it was important for our kids to understand this process, so we picked them up for school and headed to the shelter together to say our goodbyes. The wonderful team there immediately started tending to them and I hope to get an update later today on their status. I am told that kittens who come in as duos at this age “do very well” and are quite popular, so fingers crossed they land in a loving home. Our local shelter explicitly asked us not to share their location, which we have respected. My understanding is they have experienced the good people of the Internet calling to ask about the cats and it overwhelms their systems. As I write this, I’m still a little in disbelief how so many different people responded to my post with great ideas, Jeremy dropping everything to show up at a stranger’s home, and for those little kittens staying resilient. My wife and I were preparing ourselves for a much different ending. I’m so glad this was a happy ending that I didn’t expect and this all provides us with a little much needed nourishment. submitted by /u/belltown99 to r/cats [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/rulesrulesrules7 Me [25 F] with my boyfriend [25 M] duration 7 months. My boyfriend is very jealous and keeps making "rules" for me to follow TRIGGER WARNING: Abusive behavior, controlling behavior, gaslighting, manipulation, verbal abuse, infidelity MOOD SPOILER: An amazing ending for OOP Original Post Apr 4, 2015 Hello, everyone. I have a bit of a weird predicament to share with you. I have been dating my boyfriend ("Peter") for about 7 months now. When we get along, we get along spectacularly. Our chemistry is off the charts, we're playful, we're both driven, we have similar interests (same career path, both read for leisure, both interested in exercise). I've been told by many friends that they can just sense how much we care about each other and that we have the same disposition: calm, relaxed, sweet. If not for the following stuff, I would be head over heels for him. Hell, I already am when he's not acting this way. So this stuff started happening about a month in. Peter is an extremely jealous person. He's admitted this to me. He can also be a bit judgmental and conservative. The following is a list of things he's asked me to do for him throughout the course of our relationship. I haven't asked for anything like this in return and I've even asked him if he feels like I've done the same and he's said no: No cursing. No low-cut shirts. No weed (not a big deal, I've smoked < 10 times and was okay with giving this up for him). He prefers me to not get "drunk." Not a big deal, I don't drink a lot, but it kind of sucks that I can never let loose and get tipsy with my friends without a comment from him. No perverted jokes: with him, or anyone else. He says the jokes would be funny if a guy said them but they're not funny when I do it. No using a joking "little kid" voice with friends - even girls. No talking about other guys around him because he thinks I'm trying to make him jealous. No talking about past relationships, even though he does this. No emoticons in texts with other guys. No exclamation points or sounding "too flirty or happy" when talking to guys. Audibly say "goodbye" when we part ways. Verbally greet him, even if I'm late to class. No speaking to male friends on the telephone or texting after 10 pm at night. Text him when I leave my apartment and I'm on the way to school. This isn't a specific rule, but if I don't text him for 3-4 hours during the day, he'll say "Oh, hi there, silent one. What have you been up to?" He likes me to stop by his study space when I get to school, before class, after class, and before I leave at the end of the day. He's stopped by my space less than 10 times in our 7 months together. He asks me if I'm "behaving" when we're not together physically. We've had a bit of a power struggle when I've wanted to go out with my group of friends. There is a structured timetable of how much I'm allowed to talk to my ex. We broke up two years ago and a half and had a year of silence. Recently, we've been speaking on facebook. (He doesn't have my phone number). It's random stuff about our undergraduate. Just friendly stuff, lighthearted. I'm only allowed to talk to him once every three weeks for 10-15 minutes. If he facebooks me and it's been outside those three weeks, I'm not supposed to respond. He still gets mad even when the ex facebooks me. I'm not supposed to "flirt" with members of the opposite sex. I don't. However, he's seen interactions between guys and me and it appears he thinks that anything along the lines of smiling, laughing, or sarcasm are grounds for flirting. He "doesn't like" easily 80% of the guys I interact with on a regular basis. There have been a few incidents that have bothered me in the time we've been together. In the interest of time, the most recent problem he and I have been having is my friend named James. James graduated last year from the program that Peter and I are in together. He's a big brother type to me. He was an assigned TA for the class I was in and I went to a study group he led. We became friends. We've been friends for three years and nothing has ever happened and neither James nor I have ever shown any interest in it. We just have similar political views and give each other dating advice on occasion. James came to visit the school and he and I got together for lunch while he was here. He was here for 3 days and I saw him once for only an hour. Before he visited, we texted back and forth maybe once every ten days. Since he visited, it's been 2-3 times a week, about 10 texts at a time. Nothing outrageous. I imagine it'll start lessening when it's been longer since his visit and exams approach. He's in a new city without a lot of friends and I enjoy talking to him. Because he's working, he usually texts me on Saturday and Sunday more than the work week. James texted me last Saturday morning. I didn't answer so he followed up with a text on Sunday. We chatted briefly about a TV show. Then he texted me again this Saturday to tell me about his date the night before. This has been driving Peter up the wall. He's demanded to see the texts back and forth. Even though I strongly object to this, as I think it's an invasion of privacy only 7 months in, I let him see all the texts. There was nothing inappropriate there (this is where the "no emoticon" rule came from though). However, Peter says that James is a "shark" and is only friends with me because he wants to date me. This is ridiculous because James and I have no feelings towards each other, act more like siblings, and are going to be living in different states for the rest of our lives. Peter causes a fight EVERY time he notices James texting me or gets pouty and silent until I ask him what's wrong, then we fight. About two hours ago, Peter gave me another rule. He wants me to arrange it so James only texts me once a week. No word yet on how many texts I would be "allowed" to exchange with him. He also says he doesn't want us talking about "intimate things." When I asked him what that entailed, he brought up that he was mad that I told James that I was going to take a nap in the last conversation we had. I only told James that as a conversation-ender so he wouldn't wonder why I wasn't responding. Peter just seems unreasonable. I guess, here's the big problem. I feel like Peter gets mad about something, fights with me until I'm worn down, then comes up with a "compromise" which is really just him imposing another rule on me. There was a guy who liked me at the beginning of the year that I eventually just had to block on my phone because Peter got so mad about it. He's asked me twice to show him that the guy is really blocked. He really is. Same thing happened with the ex and I know his end game is me never speaking to the ex again. Peter had a jealousy issue with my friend Rob and wore me down to the point that I basically just avoid Rob now (Rob even approached to ask if I was mad at him and apologize for whatever he did). I just feel like this is going to keep happening over and over. I never get the benefit of the doubt, James is constantly afraid I'm going to be "stolen" and I feel like I teeter-totter between wanting to give him what he asks so he'll feel comfortable and feeling like it will never be enough. I feel like a caged animal. I'm afraid every time James texts me or any guy speaks to me in front of Peter. I like him so much but this jealousy is driving me crazy. I'm also afraid if we're together, I'm going to get to the point where I'm not allowed to be friendly with 50% of the population. I'm in danger of losing a total of 3 good, respectful guy friends, all of which I've known for longer than Peter. (I knew Rob for two years, James for 3, and the ex for nearly 6). I'm not a bad person or a bad girlfriend and I'm tired of being treated this way. We fight at least weekly, sometimes twice a week, over an issue like this. I just want it to stop and to be with the person I fell so hard for. But I also don't want to end up in a controlling relationship with someone who can't manage their jealousy. Any advice? Ever been on his side or mine? He's already going to a counselor but our school only provides one every two weeks and he missed his last appointment. He's open to couple's counseling but I don't know if there's a point 7 months in. Because he missed the last appointment, he hasn't brought up the jealousy thing with his counselor yet. He's willing to read books on this topic but I feel like the problem is that he won't start to get better until he really trusts me and wants to change. He says that he does but then he keeps doing this stuff. tl;dr: Very jealous boyfriend continually gives me "rules." Sample list above (not all of them). Any ideas on how to make him more comfortable? Is this fixable? Have you been on either side of something like this? RELEVANT COMMENTS MeltMyCheeseKThxBai You just presented us with a literal bullet point list of why you need to break the fuck up with him, ASAP. PETER is the shark here. And actually, you're right- this WILL keep happening over and over. Not only will it keep happening, but it will keep escalating. Here is a list for you, and I will call it "Soon." Soon, you will be afraid to walk around while looking anywhere but the ground because you don't want to be accused of purposely making eye contact with someone. Soon, you will compliantly give him access to all of your stuff to placate him and he will peruse your personal stuff regularly; many confrontations will result about your "infractions" and he will spring them on you at inconvenient times. Soon, you will not be allowed to interact or be friendly with anyone who isn't on his approved list; this will eventually include your family. Soon, while you're constantly on eggshells afraid to be accused of cheating, you will find out that he actually cheated on you. Maybe with one of those exes he likes to talk about. Because, you see, these types are so paranoid about cheating because they are cheaters and think everyone else will cheat too. Soon, if you have a job, he will be asking about your coworkers and maybe even show up there for a "surprise inspection". Don't be surprised if soon, additionally, he starts the practice of keeping you up all night fighting and not letting you sleep when he knows you have to work. Soon, you will stop butting heads about you going out with friends. This is because he will make your every attempt so miserable that you will give up to make things "easier". Soon, you will be but a shell of your former self and will wonder who the fuck that is staring at you in the mirror. Soon, he may become violent. He likely won't until he has effectively removed your support systems (friends and family) but eventually he damn near certainly will. I hope that SOON you heed the warnings and get the fuck away from this lunatic before he ruins you. Seriously, you have to get this. This is very, very bad. He will not change no matter how much counseling he gets. You modifying your behavior will NEVER change his. He is fucking dangerous and you need to end it with him NOW before he gets the chance to employ more advanced tactics on you. You are in dire need of these two books; "The Gift of Fear" and "Why Does He Do That?" I beg you, read them. Please seriously get the fuck away from this person. Edit: More stuff coming Soon to a relationship near you (will add as I think of them): Soon, he will call you "slut" and/or "whore" for the first time because "he told you not to wear that shirt". You will get upset. You also will never wear that shirt again. OOP I don't live near my family but there was a time last weekend where I was texting my family about a basketball game. We were cuddling on the couch and he took the phone away and said "Babe, can we just have 'us' time? We've been fighting all day and I just want to be with you." So that might be eminent. We fought today after James texted me about his date last night. I've been sick with a 101+ fever the past two days and cuddling with my childhood stuffed animal. He picked her up and acted like he was going to rip her arm off because he "wanted to scare me" and "see what I would do." I had to stop myself from kicking him. I've had the animal since I was 5 and she's from my dead grandmother. I don't know what I would do if she was broken. When I got her back, I tried to kick Peter out and he wouldn't leave. I ended up throwing his shoes and keys into the hallway and pushing him out the door. He took me out to lunch and then went back to the library. Now he's mad that we're going to bed angry. This was one of the texts I got this afternoon: "I know you don't want to hurt his (meaning James) feelings by telling him to take it easy on texts but you need to consider your boyfriend's feelings about this guy texting you so often every week. What he is doing is crossing my boundary. I know you don't want to hurt his feelings so I get you might not want to tell him flat out to stop texting. There are other ways. The main point is that this is too much and it is crossing a line of mine. I think once a week might be ideal and if we could reach that, it would ease my feelings. I ask that you consider my feelings. In return, I will make sure my jealousy does not lead me to imposing boundaries. You can tell him the truth: that he is crossing my boundaries and I ask that he respects me. I am being reasonable. All of our fights the last few weeks have been about this. If this goes away, then we both win and we can stay together happier." When I asked him what he's ever done in exchange for what I've given up, he said that he went through a phase of criticizing me and he's gotten better. That that was real change. Then he told me that I mean the world to him and he wouldn't go out of his way to try and fix our issues if he didn't care about me and being together for the future. I told him I wanted a break. Update May 1, 2015 (1 month later) Hi, all. Sorry that I dropped off and stopped responding all the sudden. I want to take a moment to sincerely thank you all for the outpouring of support and kindness that you showed me after my original post. I've read every single comment and PM probably 4 times and watched every lecture that was sent my way. I also went and picked up a book two days ago about controlling relationships which was recommended to me by a few redditors. I've read 160 pages so far. Honestly, I'm so turned around in this relationship that I don't know what's happening anymore. I do think that this relationship has some disturbingly manipulative and controlling elements coming from Peter. We've had several incidents in the last four weeks which have been very disheartening. Here are a sample: I went out to happy hour with friends - a guy and girl that are engaged to each other - at 5 pm while Peter studied. I guess he assumed we were eating dinner together because we eat most of our meals together. He didn't confirm that though. He knew where I was going and who I was with. I put my phone away because my friends both had their phone away and it was just us three. My phone was on silent because I had been in the library. I checked my phone every half hour or so. The last time I checked it, he had sent me a text asking about dinner and then a snarky follow up 15 minutes later. I had order an appetizer with my friends and wasn't hungry. I told him to go ahead and eat without me and we'd meet up later. I decided to go back to my friends' house to play with their dog and have another beer. Peter had told me that he was going to study until 10 pm and then wanted to spend the night together. All the sudden, Peter was mad at me for not telling him I was eating, not telling him we switched locations (even though I did, within 10 minutes of switching places) and telling me that he had right as my boyfriend to know where I was. He said I was inconsiderate and selfish. He was texting me every 10-15 minutes, angry at me, and completely ruined the night. I couldn't hide from my friends that I was upset and it was borderline humiliating. I went home by 10 pm but didn't want to see him because I was angry. He didn't apologize until the next day after we talked about it extensively and even then tried to justify it. I feel weird around my friends now that they've seen this. There was another incident when we ran into one of my good friends and I stopped to chat with her. Peter and I had spend the night together, had lunch together, and gone on a walk. I caught up with my friend for 3 minutes and then planned on walking to Peter's study space to chat for a few minutes before going back to my friend to study with her. (Peter likes to say "goodbye" even though we study like 20 ft apart, separated by a wall.) Peter got impatient, felt ignored, and walked off. Then he sent me several texts about how rude and inconsiderate I was by pretending that he wasn't there. That wasn't true at all; I was telling my friend I liked her sweater, asking her how she was, then I was going to exit with Peter to fill my water bottle and say goodbye. This blew up into a 3 hour argument via text. I had my best friend from home visiting last weekend. She stayed with me and drove 18 hours round trip in 4 days just to see me. Peter constantly texted, made passive aggressive comments if I didn't respond quickly enough, and generally was negative about me not giving him enough attention. I pointed all this out, he agreed and told me he would calm down. We all went to a dinner on her last night in town and I thought it went nicely. When Peter got out of the car, my friend made a comment that she was glad to see Peter and I getting along better. 5 minutes later, I got a text from Peter criticizing me, accusing me of not acting like a "couple" with him, acting distant, and not holding his hand. I was shocked. I thought I did a great job with the conversation, he talked for his fair share amount of time, and he got along well with my friend. She's been my best friend for 10 years. He said he hates how I "always do this." I have literally no idea what he's talking about. This wasn't a date. This was the first time he met one of the people who was most important to me and the last thing I wanted to do was make her feel like a third wheel. I told him I wasn't going to argue while she was in town but obviously was upset for the rest of the night. He apologized the next day but only after a long conversation. Obviously he didn't make a great impression once my friend saw the aftermath of dinner. Peter and I had a good day on Tuesday. We had fun, were getting along, etc. I came over to his place, took a nap, he went to soccer, and then I ordered us dinner. We ate together and bonded. I checked my phone (I keep it in my backpack now, at his request) and he saw I had a text. He wanted to know who it was from and what it said. I told him it was from James, asking where I was studying this summer (my home state or school state). Peter started lecturing me about getting texts after 10 pm (it was 10:30 where we were, 9:30 where James was). He talked about how it was inappropriate, he wouldn't talk to a girl so late, and asked why James wanted to know where I was. He asked if James was planning on visiting me. James and I have no plans like that whatsoever. Later, I got chapstick out of my backpack and Peter started accusing me of sneaking around to text James back. I wasn't. He asked me three times if that's what I did. I almost left but Peter convinced me to stay. All of the sudden, I felt suspicious. I asked to see his facebook chat log so I could see when he had lasted facebooked his ex that he swears he hasn't spoken to. He refused. I ended up leaving, then coming back and saying if he wouldn't show me the same transparency he's demanded from me, it was over. He still tried to say no. In retrospect, I'm horrified by how angry I felt. I wanted to push him or hit him. I've never, ever felt like that towards another person. It's like I didn't recognize myself. He ended up showing me the log. He had a long conversation with his ex from Christmas Eve, which was laden with inside jokes, flirting, and sexual references. I asked to see his phone. Whole months were missing from his call log but he had two voicemails from her which insinuated they had some contact with each other. He swears that's all there is but almost half his call log is gone. This is something I could forgive in a normal relationship -with remorse and change - but it hurts a lot considering that he's breaking rules he's given me, lied, and been hypocritical. I feel so watched and suffocated over actual guy friends, subjected myself to structured timetables imposed by him, had an open phone policy, and he's off talking about suggestive stuff with his ex. She's blocked him now but that's not the point. He's got me to the point where I feel guilty every time a male friend talks to me and I've actually started believing that I'm doing something wrong if I laugh at a guy friend's joke. I feel sick when my phone goes off if I'm around him. I've been reading literature on controlling/abusive relationships and shared my concerns with him that he's meandering into this territory. He's been dismissive of it almost every time I've brought it up. I've had three friends tell me they're concerned based on the rules and his jealousy. He just says he has high standards and boundaries and that I would be jealous too if the roles were reversed. I don't think I would be but he insists I would. I just feel like he doesn't listen to me or take me seriously. I thought things were getting better, he said I could text James whenever I wanted and he would be less harsh/critical in general. Yesterday though, he asked if I had responded to James and why "that guy" wanted to know where I was and said it was weird James was being so nosy. I think James was just making conversation. Then, last night, I was studying with friends and Peter walked by. Peter and I had just fought (we had been at dinner 10 minutes before) and I was mid-word in conversation with a friend and just made eye contact with him and looked away. I got a text asking why I didn't smile and wave. I apologized and said it was my fault and didn't mean to hurt his feelings. I then got more texts saying I was "cold" and demanding an explanation. That got me upset and I tried to tell him that the constant criticism and control was too much. That I felt like he was trying to control my emotions and make me pretend to be happy when I wasn't. He told me I was overreacting and he was tired of arguing and just wanted "to be good and nice." I feel like he starts a fight, expresses his feelings, then wants it to be over, even though the criticism and control is really wearing me down and making me agitated. I just feel like if I stay with him, I'm going to end up giving in and letting him criticize me, letting go of my guy friends, and apologizing when I mess up. That I'll just end up a shell of myself and cater to his needs instead of compromising. But I also don't think he's doing this on purpose. I think he gets insecure and doesn't know how to fix it, so he wants me to do it instead of asking himself if he's overreacting. I think that's how we get all these rules. He's fixing symptoms and not the root cause. I don't think any of this is malicious. I tried to break up with him again two days ago. He begged me to wait until after finals (8 days). Eventually I agreed but said that there would be no sleep overs or physical affection. He agreed but now he's trying to kiss me even when I tell him I don't want to kiss. Then he gets mad I'm not kissing back. He says he knows now that he's being controlling and manipulative and he'll change. But I'm not seeing any change. I just feel so confused as to whether I'm overreacting or not. I can't tell if he's actually being a little abusive and he makes me doubt myself because he doesn't call me names or hurt me physically. He wants to read the book when I'm done with it and says he'll learn from it and wants to stay with me. In 8 day finals are over. In 17 days, I graduate from law school. I just feel so bad about myself and confused. I've always been an empathetic person and emotionally intelligent person (that's usually what I'm "known for" by friends... know how to say the right thing at the right time and see things from other people's perspectives) but I feel so steamrolled. I'm also so embarrassed. I'm supposed to be this strong, capable woman and I can't even tell if my relationship is healthy. Right now, I'm planning on dumping Peter the second his final is over and blocking him on everything. I feel relief when I think about that. But I also feel scared that I'll miss him and that I'm being crazy and unwilling to compromise. That I'm throwing away something good by being dramatic. I keep trying to convince myself, apart from the question of whether he's controlling, that if I'm not happy, I can't stay with Peter. That long distance is too hard. He wants to interview at law firms in my city and plan on how to get back together in a year. I can't do that if I have any doubts and I don't want to spend another day miserable. I HAVE to dump him. I just need to make sure I do. I've already tried multiple times. I can't get talked back into this. This isn't healthy. Sidenote: He knows that I've posted on here but not what my username is and he hasn't seen the original post. It's a possibility he could stumble upon this and he would obviously recognize it because of this level of detail. TL;DR: I feel like a crazy person. I'm doubting my emotions. I know I need to break up with him but I'm so worried I'm being overdramatic and ruining something because I'm unreasonable. I know I need to get out but why am I so reluctant to? Final Update from the "Rules" girl - I did it. May 25, 2015 (24 days after 1st update) I finally did it. Today I took the last step and blocked him on all my accounts (10 minutes ago). We're going no contact. You all were right that he used the time before and immediately after finals to draw me back in. I don't really regret waiting though. I didn't want to be the reason that he ended up messing up all his finals and potentially not getting a job he wanted because of grades. That isn't the person that I want to be and I'm okay with sacrificing a few weeks of my happiness for retaining that part of myself. The following weeks were full of his apologies, assurances that he's changing, etc. But nothing changed. I realized that I didn't even want to wait around to see if he could get better because I don't want to be with him. He's not respectful of me and you can't teach respect. He seems completely incapable of empathizing with me and taking me into consideration when making plans. He wouldn't listen to me, he was dismissive of my concerns, and I just didn't feel valued, supported, or happy when we spoke. When I broke up with him, he said that's what he wanted too because my interactions with men (including James) are "inappropriate" and "not in line with his beliefs." Two months ago that would have really bothered me and I would have gotten reeled back in defending myself but I just said "You know that's not true but I'm not going to fight with you about it. I wish you the best. Goodbye." and then blocked him. I feel a little sad and lonely. It'll be weird to go from nearly constant contact and cutesy text messages to complete and utter silence but I'm hoping the payoff of not having horrible fights multiple times a week will balance that out. The good news: I graduated last week, made honor roll, got the highest award in a competitive class, I'm back in my home state, living with my parents (I adore them and get along well with them), and my bar review class starts tomorrow morning. I'm back to running and lifting multiple times a week and I'm in the process of booking up my social calendar. It'll be hard to stop checking my phone compulsively and sad going to sleep without saying goodnight to him, but I think that I'm in the best circumstances (aka not living one building away) to make this fade as gently as possible. I've reached out to a friend already and she supports my decision. I'll reach out to a few others this afternoon. The hardest part of this is letting go of the fantasy that he would get better and I could have this intense, passionate, beautiful relationship with him that was also healthy. I let his possessiveness slide because I felt so intensely cared about. But now I know what to watch out for in the future. I'm going to remain single for the rest of 2015 in an effort to build myself back up and prevent another toxic relationship. I will protect myself in the future the way I would protect a friend. I'm 25 now and I need to start taking who I date more seriously because I don't want to end up married to someone like Peter. I'm scared of the future, of being with someone like him, and of never feeling this level of passion again. I'm especially afraid that I really am all the things he accused me of being. But I know I'm doing the right thing. This is usually when he would come running to my door, knocking, waiting, and begging me to unblock him. This is the first time I won't. Thank you, so much, for your support and patience. This sub gets a lot of grief for a myriad of reasons but you all do so much good. So much more than you even know. I am eternally grateful to each and every one of you that commented and especially those that direct messaged me. You all were a lifeline to me when I wasn't ready to turn to my friends. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. tl;dr: I dumped him. Got accused of sort-of cheating (again) during the break up. Feeling weird but relieved. Blocked him on everything. Just wanted to share the good news. Two years out of an abusive relationship and I'm so happy, I could burst. July 29, 2017 (over 2 years later) Two years ago, I posted some rather desperate r/relationships questions asking for help. (If you're curious the initial cry for help, starting to gather strength to leave, the jubilant break up post. I knew deep down that something was desperately wrong with my relationship but I was hellbent on fixing it. The posts were the beginning of finding my way out of what felt like a mindfog. I tried to post on relationships to let people know how it was going, in the hopes that if there were people considering leaving similar situations, they know that something better is out there. Unfortunately, relationships doesn't allow multiple posts. However, I felt an intense desire to share the "after" part of leaving an abusive relationship to let women know that there IS life after an abuser, even if they feel like their world will cease without the relationship. I hope this sub is an okay place for this. It only took about two months after my break up to know that I would 100% be okay. That moment came while I was on a family vacation and was curling my hair in the mirror. I made eye contact with my reflection. I remember being startled because I saw someone looking back that looked calm. She wasn't worried about whether she'd get called slutty, whether smiling too much at dinner would get her accused of cheating, or whether the swimsuit she chose for the pool would get her accused of "showing off" and yelled at. For the first time in a year, I felt happy, safe, and confident. I became nearly giddy realizing I hadn't been criticized in months and I felt FREE. It took so much for me to get out of the relationship. I think I was borderline addicted to the highs and lows. Every time I started to escape, I got "love bombed" (learned this term in my research post-break up) and pulled back in. I was worried nothing would ever feel as good as that relationship. However, I followed all the “standard break up advice” and worked out, reconnected with friends, started up new hobbies and (very importantly!) went to counseling. It was a long road, but a much easier one than I originally expected. And at the end of it, I was happy. Here's a list of things that have happened to me in the last two years that have been better than that relationship: Passing my state's bar to become a lawyer; Starting a new job where I feel challenged and respected; Getting a gorgeous new apartment downtown; Getting into the best shape of my life; Making friends with a strong group of intelligent, kickass women that my ex would have never let me befriend; Drinking/smoking/sleeping without being guilted for not following my ex's expectations for what I should be doing with my time; Getting a cat and not needing to worry about her safety around my ex or him getting jealous; Leaving my house without having to give text updates about where I am; Smiling at strangers without being questioned over it; Being approached to run for office in 2018 and saying yes because I want to do it; and Literally everything. Here's what I want to say to anyone who is interested: Anyone can get sucked into an abusive relationship. It doesn't matter how smart you are, how confident you are, or how independent you want to be. Just because you’re in one doesn’t make you dumb or worthless. It doesn’t make you easy prey or unable to be in a healthy relationship next time. The only antidote is listening to your gut and respecting boundaries that you put into place for your own life. There were so many times that I felt a pit in my stomach and knew something was wrong but ignored it because I felt like a compromise could be found. Some people out there are scary, they are manipulative, and they do not want the best for you. They only care about themselves and you cannot make them respect you, value you, or treat you well. When you meet that person, don't try to change them. Cut your losses and leave. Don't let their voice get in your head and to start believing their narrative of who you are. It took me nearly a year to undo the damage that an 8 month relationship did to me. (Can you believe things got this bad in 8 months?!) I would internally feel myself panic for months after the break up when I laughed too much with my friends, thinking that I would be getting lectured about being fake/flirty/inappropriate. It took me so long to start making sarcastic jokes again (my ex didn't "get them" or think they were funny). I basically had to regrow all myself self confidence and redefine myself worth. I could barely even express an opinion on where I wanted to eat since it hadn't mattered in so long. Once I got past that, I remember marveling at the tranquility of my life being mine, my self esteem returning to normal, and people treating me gently/kindly. My parents told me I was happier than they’d seen me in a year and my best friend told me that she was glad “to have me back.” (Side note: Counseling is IMPORTANT. People that are in an abusive relationship are more likely to get into another one than someone who has never been abused. When you are being abused, up looks like down and down looks like up. Going to counseling helped me re-orient, figure out what was normal, and taught me to listen to my gut. It helped me rebuild and make sure this wouldn’t happen again. I didn’t even need many sessions but I actually liked it by the end! I’m forever a gigantic advocate of finding a counselor that fits your needs well.) I don’t want this to be the point of my post, so I’m putting it last. I took a dating hiatus for 6 months after the break up and tried to rebuild on my own. I think this was extremely important to help me re-center. After the six month hiatus, I wrote out parameters for dating and a list of things I needed in a partner (kindness, gentleness, warmth, an even temper). I was picky, I stopped seeing people that I felt weren’t listening to me or weren’t treating me well. After six months of dating, I found someone that fit the list. I’ve been dating him for a bit over a year, and I can’t stress how different this relationship is. It’s night and day. I’m listened to, respected, treated like a real partner, and my boundaries matter. I can be friends with whoever I want (I’m still good friends with James!) and my alone time is given with no questions asked. Tl;dr: I was in an abusive relationship, asked reddit for help, and they came through. Life is so much better post-break up. I want to emphasize this can happen to anyone, just because it’s happening doesn’t mean you deserve it. Get out! Life gets better than you can imagine. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/BrunetteThrow111 Me [20 F] with my boyfriend [20 M] of 2 years, his student is suddenly being too friendly TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual harassment and obsessive behavior Original Post Oct 16, 2015 Hi there reddit. Apologies for the throwaway, but I know that she browses reddit. As such, some names and ages are also modified a bit. Alright, so my boyfriend (Robin) is a tutor for our university. He's got many, many students, and I am perfectly comfortable with the amount of time he spends with them (no more than an hour per session and no more than three per day, since he wants to also devote time to both schooling and our relationship). One student in particular (Lucy, 18F) has been spending quite a bit of our time with our friend group recently, and once again, I am okay with that; the more the merrier, you know? Well, Lucy seemed nice enough at first; good sense of humor, witty, and in general a nice person. It wasn't until she had been in the group for two weeks that both myself and Robin started noticing some odd things: Anytime we sit together with our friends for a meal, Lucy always has to take a seat next to Robin. Always. She texts him constantly, asking him what he is doing and if he can come over to her place for some "extra tutoring." Robin is very, very firm about his one hour per student, three students per day rule. My boyfriend loves strawberry ramune. One day, he opened the door to his dorm and found a crate of it, all from her. We are pretty big fans of Attack on Titan, and we do wear shirts and the like a lot. One day, she shows up in full Scouting Legion attire, which costs hundreds of dollars. She claims she's a fan, but when I asked her opinion on a certain character, she got the character completely wrong. (For those who care/are wondering, I asked her opinion on Commander Erwin, but she launched into a long, full of wrong facts explanation on Pixis instead.) We are also big fans of Gravity Falls, and are therefore planning to dress as Dipper and Pacifica for Halloween. She's insisting on being part of the costume, as Wendy, who Dipper had a giant crush on throughout the show. We were talking about bearded ladies once. One of my friends cracked a joke about such people being perfect for myself and Robin, since we're both openly bisexual. Robin snorted and said "I prefer my women like I prefer my men: brunette and clean-shaven." while winking at me. Lucy started laughing and said, "And here I thought you preferred your women blonde!" she was the only one who laughed. I could go on and on about her odd behavior, but I think you guys get the gist of it. What's going on, reddit? She was not like this at all before, according to my boyfriend. In fact, she used to shy away from him whenever he reached over to take her paper to correct it. We are both very, very uncomfortable with her behavior, but have no idea as to how to approach it. Speaking with her is out of the question; she makes a big deal out of small things (something I learned when she took her computer to the university ITS, where I work) and we don't want to cause any scenes. Any advice? tl;dr: Boyfriend's student is behaving towards him in a very friendly way, to the point where we're both uncomfortable. We don't want to talk to her because we want to avoid anyone causing a scene. Any advice would be appreciated! RELEVANT COMMENTS acciointernet It sounds like you've already talked to him about it and he doesn't like her behavior either. If th ats true, he needs to be clear about how uncomfortable it makes him. This means: speaking to her about how she cannot give him any more gifts explaining she cannot join your costume because it is a couples costume and he wants it to be personal to the two of you possibly dropping her as a student and finding a replacement I understand this might be hard if you guys don't like confrontation but trust me when I say it is absolutely necessary. She is young and she probably doesn't realize how aggressive she's being, but you don't want to make the situation any more awkward than it will be by allowing her crush to grow. Nip it in the bud asap. OOP We will! Thank you for the input! He is going to speak with her during their session tonight (which, with luck, won't be cancelled!). We are both already prepared to tell her that we will not tolerate any more of this behavior... the only thing is, as I've stated in other comments, she can be quite the loud one. We don't want that sort of attention. Do you think there's any way we can speak with her to avoid that? LazyTits127 I doubt it if she's that type of person. Just tell folks she was coming on too strong with your SO and you were both uncomfortable, so this is the decision you guys decided. Sorry her feeling are hurt, but it's better to do something now, than later. It would just be stringing her along and you both don't want her one day get tired of waiting and she attacks him with her mouth during a session. I also had to laugh at the fact she bought an expensive outfit and you asked her a few questions. I feel kinda bad but hey, back off girl. ETA: make it clear it's a couples costume and tell her it's weird to be that character she wants to be. I don't know if you guys are direct with her or not, but that really helps when you tell the person straight up. It makes them feel awkward and rethink their choices OOP I've already texted quite a few of our friends regarding this, and a lot of them agreed that her behavior was odd. Some even pointed out a few things that I had missed! Honestly, I'm absolutely shocked that she went so far to attempt to win him over. Buy an expensive outfit indeed, it's one of those things that I truly wish I had the money for! I am not one of the girls that is into super designer clothes, but show me a lovely cosplay outfit? I'd be drooling over it in a heartbeat. We have a bit of a game plan mapped out for when she comes over tonight. Of course, all we can do now is wait and see and hope that she either ends this behavior around him or leaves us alone for good. [deleted] What were the other things? I'm glad your boyfriend shoots her advances down. It's honestly refreshing after reading all these awful threads. (I can't stop, its like novellas. Help) OOP Oh lord, I'm glad as well. For all the stories you read about terrible guys, I'm glad Robin at least isn't one of them. As for the other things... "Jokingly" asked him how big his dick was. When he asked her why, she answered with "Just so I know what I'm up against!" Baked our whole group a plate of cookies. Handed the first one to Robin. She ran out by the time she got to me (but she served herself first!) Robin once showed up in nice pants. Robin's butt looks good in nice pants. I eyed that booty and wolf-whistled at it because hot fucking damn. According to one of my friends, the moment I turned away from the booty, she made an attempt to smack it, but Robin took a step away at that instant (without realizing that she wanted dat booty). We, as a group, fucking love sushi. So most weekends, we go out and grab some. She tagged along and, participated in our usual practice of ordering a bunch of different kinds of sushi and sharing it all as a table. When hers arrived, she immediately attempted to feed Robin from her chopstick. He didn't take it. Her roll was fucking nasty anyways. Robin is a tall man, but he is also a very skinny man. I am a short woman, but I am also a slim woman. Since we are the skinniest in our group, sometimes, my buddy Josh (whom we refer to as Black Santa, because he is a big, friendly black man), likes to pick us up bridal style and carry us around. When Robin got picked up one time, he was passed between our group friends, all pretending to either carry him off or carry him over the threshold. She tried grabbing at him, but the first thing she did when she got him was grab for his butt, resulting in him freaking out and causing her to drop him. Our group loves Super Smash Brothers. When Robin and I play, we usually go as "partner" Smashers. (ie, when he's Ness, I'm Lucas, and when he's Link, I'm Zelda, stuff like that) Robin once picked (lol) Robin. I picked Lucina. Lucy also picked Lucina and made a comment about how Robin and Lucina could get married in Fire Emblem: Awakening. Robin and I knocked her out within the first three minutes of the game, then proceeded to toot the bridal march once we won. (It was a team match, two on each team) Lucy once asked Robin what made him like me so much. Robin jokingly says that it's because I give him a lock of my hair whenever he's about to take a test, so he has something to rub his face in when he's feeling stressed (I don't; I give him a fully-body massage after each test). When his next test rolls around, she walks up and hands him a chunk of her own hair. Honestly, that last one is what caused me to post the thing in the first place. I guess I was just too frazzled to include it, but... there you go. Update Oct 17, 2015 (Next Day) Hello Reddit. If you've not read my original post, you may read it here. original tl;dr: Boyfriend's (Robin) student (Lucy, 18F) has lately been coming onto him in ways that we find both odd and unwelcome. He resolved to speak to her during their next tutoring session, which happened last night. Last night, Lucy came for her tutoring session. At the time, I was helping Robin with his laundry, so when she knocked, only Robin went to go answer the door. I decided to stay behind in the room, continuing to fold his laundry, but listening in case I had to step in. Everything started out normal enough at first, with her putting her books down and trying to make small talk with him. Robin is a very polite man, so he answered her small-talk questions accordingly, but the moment they sat down (according to Robin, she actually scooted her chair closer to his, so much that their legs were nearly touching under the table!), Robin got to business. Reddit... what happens next is completely unreal. I don't even know if I had only dreamed of all of this or not, but... I truly do wish I could have made this up. Unfortunately, I'm not creative enough nor am I capable enough. I would never have thought that such a seemingly normal girl could turn out like this, but... I suppose there are unexpected ugly sides everywhere. Nevertheless, here is what happened: Robin immediately started out telling her that lately, he's noticed that she's been trying to insert herself into both his and my own hobbies for quite a while. He also noted that she seems to be spending quite a bit of money on him lately as well, noting the strawberry ramune crate and (I didn't even know about this one!) the Attack on Titan ring set. He said that while he is flattered and appreciates the gifts, he wants her to stop because it is not appropriate behavior between a tutor and his tutee. I think she may have tried to say something, because Robin said rather quickly after that, "And I'm sorry, but even from a friend, I can't accept gifts that... extravagant." She was quiet for a bit. I actually had to sneak-shuffle my way over to the doorway (staying out of sight, of course, since they would be able to see me from the table) to hear anything, but it sounded like Lucy started crying, or sniffling at the very least. Next thing I know, she's burst into tears, and rambling something that, afterwards, even Robin couldn't comprehend. By the time she was able to be comprehensible again, that's when shit got weird. She started blubbering about star signs. About how it was written in the stars that not only were they compatible, but they were destined to be together. She told him how she had read in her horoscope or fortune or something like that, that her true love would be her greatest teacher and she the wisest of his students. She also went on and on about how it was meant to be that they would meet for tutoring, then fall deeply and love and carry on a forbidden romance until he could, and I quote "Shed the shackles of [his] duty and false lover (???) so that [they] may walk forever amongst the stars." By now, both Robin and I were shocked speechless. While we perfectly respect those that truly believe in fate and the like, this was something that we simply couldn't get our heads around. I honestly wanted to walk out and say something, but kept quiet because then she started on another tirade. She started going on and on about how it was written in wherever she is getting this from that I was undeserving of Robin's love, and that I was only there because I wanted to lead Robin astray from the "true path of love." She also said that, once she fulfilled her duty of lifting "the veil" from Robin's eyes, they would travel the world and together raise three beautiful children, all with Robin's eyes and her hair. She would teach them how to be good, kind people, and he would pass on his wisdom. Together, she claimed, they would become king and queen of the world. Robin stopped her right after that and said that, veil or not, he's most certainly not going to leave me and that even if he did, he had no feelings for her beyond a student and maybe a friend. He also said that, on top of that, this was not about some destiny but about her behavior and his request that she stop it. He asked her to understand that the costume in question was a couples costume and thus, he wanted to make it special for just myself and him. He told her that, while he appreciated that another person shared the same interests as us, that she was going to far with them. Lucy immediately countered with, "If [my name] truly loved you, she would not be cheating on you right this moment! I saw her fucking three different guys on my way to your room!" Now, that got me pissed. Yes, okay, shit was already pretty nuts, but really? If you're going to lie about me cheating, at least have the courtesy to make me seem less stupid. Either way, I was so done at that point, and in a fit of anger, I took hold of one of the articles of clothing I was folding and marched the fuck out. The look on her face was priceless. Here she was, caught in a bold-faced lie, and there I was, waving Robin's boxers around going "She's right, Robin! I'm fucking leaving you! I'm sorry, but I'm more in love with your boxers!" Robin can't take it. He just starts cracking up and almost falls out of his chair. He may have been done for the count, but I wasn't done. I immediately marched up to Lucy and told her that, sorry not sorry, she is no longer welcome in our friend group. I told her that I did not like the way she was trying to steal my boyfriend, or the way she kept butting into the things that we planned to be "just us" sort of things. I also very emphatically told her that the both of us were not welcoming to people who would dare to spread lies about either of us. And the entire way through, she cried and cried and kept mumbling things like "fate" and "destiny" and all her mumbo jumbo. Eventually, Robin managed to compose himself enough to start talking again. He told her that he agreed with me, and that while he would have eventually forgiven her attempting to come between the relationship and acting inappropriately towards him, but he could never forgive someone attempting to lie to him about someone he loved dearly. So with that, he got up, gathered her stuff for her, and gestured to the door. But of course, Lucy had to go in for one more attempt. What does she do? She fucking pulls out her tits. She had come in wearing rather revealing clothing, which is actually quite normal for her, but apparently, she wasn't wearing a bra (and maybe no underwear at all!) underneath it. She just pulls down her collar and BAM! Tits. Robin immediately recoils and looks away, because while he's fine with seeing breasts (he's taking quite a few different anatomy classes!), he's just always been the sort of person that would rather just... not see bare boobies waving at him. And oh boy, is she waving those things around, practically screaming at him to look at them and understand that it is her she desires, not me, because her breasts are bigger and better and because they're destined to be together. During this whole time, I'm just... I'm speechless. I can't even comprehend what's going on anymore. Luckily, it just so happened that she was so loud that the RA knocked on the door, and I was at least functional enough to run and open it. She was too far gone to even notice that knock, so when our lovely RA looked in, all she saw was Robin yelling at her that it was inappropriate and to put them away, while she was yelling at him that one look at her and all of his desire for me would transfer to her. Once the RA managed to recover from... well, the shock of what the fuck was happening, she immediately stormed in (she's a tiny woman, but was raised by a father in the Marines. A very tough nut to crack!) and took control of the situation. She had come because residents were complaining about the noise in Robin's dorm, so she had to investigate. She sat us all down on the couch and had us tell our stories. Robin and I remained firm with our accounts, telling her about Lucy's behavior and what had happened this night. Lucy was crying and blubbering her little destiny spiel, trying to put lies in there about how I scratched her with my fingernails (bullshit just from looking at her and my nails: she had no scratches on her, and my nails are cut down and very blunt) and about how I seduced Robin and stole him from her and blah blah blah. The RA knew me personally enough to know that I was Robin's girlfriend and that I would never attack another person for no reason, so of course, Lucy's account is taken with a grain of salt. From that point on, it was only a matter of waiting for Campus Security to arrive so that Lucy could be taken away for disturbing the peace and indecent exposure. They wanted to take myself and Robin too, but my RA managed to convince them that Lucy was the only one yelling (which she was!) and that, if anything, we were the victims. We may get pulled in for further questioning, of course, and matter itself is still under investigation, so there is a chance that Robin and I may receive write-ups for this incident or something, but such a chance is low. I'll update again when I can, but for now, it's over. We're cutting her off from our friend group, Robin and I blocked her on all social media and her number, and if it becomes an absolute necessity, we're getting a restraining order. I know this story is wild and crazy and just unbelievable. I know that, if I had not witnessed this, I would never have believed myself. If you told me when I first posted my original post yesterday that I would bear witness to a crazy girl attempting to shove her tits in my boyfriend's face and screaming about how they were destined to be together, I would have asked what you've been smoking and if I could have some of that. But there you go... I'm not asking you to believe me. I'm just asking that, if you're capable of coming up with something like this, to send me whatever it is you have that lets you do that. Peace out, Reddit. See you in the next update! tl;dr: She was destined to wave her tits at him. FINAL COMMENTS Akavimceblack The boxers must be heartbroken. Seriously though....Lucy is right at the age when serious mental illnesses like schizophrenia begin to show. And she is clearly not mentally well. Not just kooky, she has a serious problem. OOP They'll live. Or, as Robin jokingly claimed, they'll burn so they won't steal me from him. As far as the schizophrenia goes... honestly, I didn't think it would be this nuts. I know there are different severities and that it shows differently on different people, but this is just shocking. I can send an email to the school administration to try to get her some help, if they're not doing so already; it's likely not my obligation to do so, but I really don't want to see her suffer, even after everything. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not the OOP, OOP is u/Selfdestructrest, since deleted Editor's note: The post in the title is actually the last post in the sequence as I thought it would be more interesting to see how the situation led up to OOP making that post. Also, this BORU is marked inconclusive even though OOP deletes her account at the end. Trigger Warnings: Sexism and racism Original post on r/offmychest at 2025-01-22 I am so turned off by my boyfriend’s lack of ambition and I feel stuck. (Long ass post) I’m a 30 year old woman who reconnected with a guy 34m from my past (friend group) and we’ve been dating for about 7 months now. When we first started seeing each other, he told me he’d just been laid off, was living with his parents, and was looking for a new job. I felt bad for him and wanted to be supportive because he’s genuinely a nice guy with a big heart. But the thing is, nothing has really changed since then. He’s still living with his parents, still doesn’t have a car, and has no phone service. He did get a job for about a month, and during that time, he went out of his way to pay for everything (food, dates, whatever) to make up for how much I’d been spending on him before (picking him up, paying for activities, etc.). I appreciated that effort so much. Then out of nowhere, he told me he was let go due to “scheduling issues.” What makes it feel so sketchy is that, leading up to it, he’d been making comments about how the job didn’t feel right or how he wasn’t sure if it was going to work out long term. It was like he was already preparing me for it to fall apart, and when it did, I couldn’t help but wonder how much effort he was really putting into it. Now he’s back to square one. No job, no car, living with his parents. And instead of focusing on getting back on his feet, he’s started talking about wanting to take time off to work on music and release an album. I just don’t get it. Meanwhile, I have my own place, a high-paying job, and my life together. I’m very driven and always looking for ways to better my future. He, on the other hand, has no urgency or ambition to move forward, and it’s really starting to bother me. Don’t get me wrong..he’s an incredibly sweet guy. When he’s at my place, he cleans, cooks, and takes care of things while I’m at work, which honestly does make my life easier. He also provides a lot of emotional support, and I know he loves me deeply. But I feel like we’re on two completely different wavelengths. He keeps talking about wanting kids and a future with me, and all I can think is: how? I haven’t even seen him in a week because I’m so turned off by his lack of drive. I can’t bring myself to spend time with him right now, and I feel stuck. I’m scared of breaking his heart because I know he means well and really cares about me. But at the same time, I can’t ignore how stagnant he is while I’m trying so hard to move forward in life. Editor's note: OOP deleted before any comments could be posted Original post by r/weeabootales at 2025-03-30 (2 months later) My boyfriend’s fascination with Japan is disturbing to me and I don’t know if I am an asshole for feeling that way. My boyfriend is in his early 30s. He loves all things Japanese. Anime galore Japanese and Asian food is the only thing he recommends to eat when we hang out. It’s the only thing he wants to cook. Wanna go to the store? He wants to go to the Asian market. His band name is in kanji along with the titles of the songs, the album artwork is Japanese. Almost all of his teeshirts have some obscure Japanese lyrics or words or band names on them. Or just anime shirts. He only ever recommends Japanese cinema and he considers them masterpieces even though some of these older films we’ve watched have been genuinely weird and rapey at times. Japanese 80s music and Japanese jazz music is his favorite and he will rave about it forever. He once told me that Japan is one of the great civilizations when I asked him about his obsession with Japan. He talks about how if he has kids he wants to dress them like in Asian baby fashion because they have the cutest clothes. He finds absolutely any way to mention Japanese culture in all conversations. I can ask him about something completely unrelated to Japan and somehow it will become something Japan did to influence, contributions from Japan on said topic, etc. We were literally talking about ghost shows and he said “I wonder what it would be like if they went to Japan” He hypes up how much smarter and efficient Japanese are and how the children are geniuses from a young age. I am NOT Asian I am a European white woman and I can’t help but think he probably has a fetish for their women too. One time I asked him if he had an Asian fetish and he was like no I’ve never been with an Asian girl. And I said well maybe you haven’t had the opportunity? And he said “THEY HAVE THE HIGHEST GLOBAL POPULATION SO THAT MAKES NO SENSE” I asked him if there were a line of women who were non Asian and another of women who were Asian which would he go to. He went “well..”. And didn’t say anything after that. He fucking loves Japan and I appreciate all cultures but I also know they come with their own set of struggles and darkness. When I bring that up he cuts the conversation short or has not much to say. Basically I feel annoyed when I am trying to just hangout with him and he urgently needs to bring up or include Japan in a conversation about plants or animals or literally anything. Am I wrong and just incompatible with him??? Comments: Asian girl here, I know a few people like this on discord. The moment they find out I'm Asian living in Asia, they get obsessed over me. Asking ME about Japan when I'm Chinese. They tell me about their love interest or gf who always happened to be an asian girl... All I can say is, people with a race fetish are red flags. Girl save yourself, you don't need to be treated like this. OOP: When I asked him if he has an Asian fetish he said some of his friends have Asian wives and he wouldn’t really it because “Asian women tend to be controlling, materialistic and want a provider who takes care of all financial matters” That’s an insane thing to say. Your boyfriend has a fetish for Japan, has no real idea of what Japan is like, and on top of that he’s obsessed with and is racist towards Asian women. It makes sense as fetishization and racism tend to go hand in hand. This might be incompatible, but I don't think you're wrong. It is completely fetishistic, so it's definitely not asshole behavior to think it's weird or bad, but the thing is that no one can change his mind but himself. This guy is in his 30s so he's going to really be set in his ways. You can talk to him about how this bothers you, which I highly recommend if you haven't! But he has to be responsive and make the changes himself. The thing is, you can't force him to change if he resists the suggested changed behavior and if you try, he likely won't actually change even if he's convinced or threatened with an ultimatum and says he'll change. These kinds of Japanese conversations will probably continue. Knowing that, think hard about the things you like about this relationship and what he brings to the table for you as a partner. Think about if this Japan obsession is a deal breaker for you, or if the annoyance it causes outweigh the joy he brings to your life. I'm not going to tell you to just dump him because that's bad advice without more context that isn't my business, and far too stereotypical for reddit, but it shouldn't be off the table for you as an option. OOP: I absolutely am considering ending the relationship for not only this reason but because he doesn’t seem to prioritize goals or moving ahead in life. I am someone who is very motivated and focused on setting up a strong foundation for my life. I have always had to do things for myself. I have a stable career that I enjoy, my own place, my own car, plans for the future. He is focused on holding a job and hopefully being out of his parents house in the next few years. he ran into some hardships that brought him back there as well as losing his car. When he speaks about future plans with me I tell him that he needs to get his life in order to make actual plans otherwise they are just ideas. I do think He is dating you temporarily but his real romantic and attraction is for asian women because he is very sexually attracted to asians OOP: I think he is very attracted to me and often tells me I am beautiful all the time. I’m “stereotypically” attractive in eastern European standards. And generally speaking, I am used to being fetishized for that. He has always been respectful and hasn’t said anything weird about my culture or appearance as a euro woman. Here's what you do: pick a country, any country, and spend time escalating an obsession with it. Let's say India. Start only watching Bollywood movies, learn some Hindi, pivot every conversation to Indian politics or culture, exclusively eat Indian food, get decorative throw pillows with Shah Rukh Khan's face on it, start wearing Kurtas and Saris and going to Temple. Give it about ~3 months and you guy is back home to his nationality. Keep the John Abraham cardboard cut out on hand and hum Dhoom Machale whenever he teeters towards a relapse. OOP: This made me laugh out loud holy shit. That is such a funny idea. I would do that, but I really don’t wanna waste any more of his time. He deserves to be with somebody who can connect with his interest and hobbies and while I can connect with them, I am just not on the same level as him and he and I both deserve better. Editor's note: The rest of the comments are basically all asking why they're even together and telling her to break up, which she does a couple days later on April 1, 2025 (link): Incompatible - just break up you’re not required to be in a relationship jfc OOP: I did! submitted by /u/zxyzyxz to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/TrussedDown Originally posted to u/legaladvice My ex-wife’s boyfriend is abusing my kids, and the custody hearing isn’t until after I’m supposed to bring them back Thanks to u/aaryanhere for the suggestion Trigger Warnings: vivid descriptions of child abuse, deception and attempted fraud, gaslighting ---- Original Post: March 27, 2018 Michigan, USA. I just had the most horrific day of my life on Friday. I found out my ex-wife’s boyfriend has been beating our children (7 and 10). I split up from my wife about six months ago and she started seeing someone seriously about a month after that. Three or four weeks ago he unofficially moved in. I never liked him, but I never had reason to believe he was violent. My custody arrangement is such that I get the kids for a week then she gets the kids for a week, back and forth. I didn’t try to sue for full custody at any time because this is totally unprecedented and I’ve never known her to be an unfit parent. Raising the children had nothing to do with why we split up, and nothing related to anger, violence, or general carelessness. Friday night she dropped the kids off and, as usual, she barely made eye contact or spoke to me. (I tried to organize an amicable split for the kids’ sake, and it went well at first, then after the papers were signed and assets divided she wasn’t having it.) So usually the routine when she drops the kids off on Fridays (around 7:00 or whenever they finish dinner) is we watch the game or play some video games, get a jump start on weekend homework, and then head to bed. My younger son was really despondent when she dropped him off and my older was hyper and fidgety. Unlike both of them. Usually they’re perfectly well tempered. If anything my younger son is normally the fidgety one, he has. ADHD, and I’ve never seen him as still and affectless as that day. I asked if everything was ok and they said yes. So the boys head up to shower then go to their room to change and I come in to say goodnight and see my younger son’s back and chest are covered in bruises. I was half paying attention at first and only caught a glimpse, checking my email and catching it out of the corner of my eye. I asked him to take his shirt off and he panicked. Not like them at all. I was still helping this one in the bath until earlier in the year and they both would walk around in their boxers all day if we let them. So that raised a flag right away. To make a long story short he was covered in bruises on top. I had to step out of the room for a second because I didn’t want to break down in front of him. And his legs had prominent lacerations and welts. I asked him what happened and he kept telling me he fell. He was definitely coached because he hasn’t lied to me that blatantly since he was like four. I didn’t want to press him. My older son finally told me in private what happened. Younger son did poorly on some test and ex’s boyfriend whipped him with a belt. When he cried, the boyfriend just started wailing on him, because “men don’t cry.” I am shuddering even typing that last part, it is the exact opposite of everything I (and my ex!!) had been teaching them their whole lives. And the most traumatic part to both of them was not even the violence of the boyfriend but that my ex was sitting in the room and did nothing. Without going to into detail, because I would just get too upset, this was not an isolated incident. Just the first time he left noticeable marks. He’d been hitting both of them, the younger one much more frequently and aggressively than the older one, and told them if they said anything they’d never see their mother again because she would lose custody. And my ex backed him on this. I haven’t let on to my ex at all because I don’t want her to know before I can get to court and sue for full custody. I took photos of every injury. I am so livid. I don’t know if I’m more mad at him for attacking my children, my ex for not doing anything, or myself for not putting the pieces together sooner and doing a deeper dive into the man living with my kids. I contacted a lawyer that next morning but he said since the guy technically doesn’t live with them we might not be able to take custody from my ex (he kept his apartment, but according to the kids, he brought a bunch of boxes with clothes over three or four weeks ago and has stayed over every night since). He also said once my wife catches wind of my suit that she might just take out a restraining order on the guy and swear they’re broken up while still seeing him on the side once she keeps custody. Knowing that it isn’t certain I’ll win full custody, it’s taking all I have to not load them into a car, change our names, and never come back. Is there anything else I can do in the meantime? My lawyer says at the end of the week I’ll have no choice but to send them back to her house. Our court date isn’t until Wednesday of next week. They’ve barely slept the last two days. The younger one is afraid to sleep alone and keeps getting into bed with his brother, who is so guilt ridden he didn’t do anything to stop it or speak up sooner than he just gets into bed with me and cries all night. (They’re both in counseling starting two days from now.) I did not see this coming at all. My ex-wife was so against violence she wouldn’t even kill a spider in the kitchen and spend hours trapping it in a glass to release. She found out a teacher had yelled at one of our kids and had a meeting with the principal the same day. It has occurred to me this man is abusing her too and she’s under some sort of spell with him and needs help of her own. Once it effects my kids, I don’t care about her problems. Only they matter. There is no excuse that will justify her sitting and watching a grown man brutalize my seven year old. So, basically, What do I do when the end of the week comes and I’m supposed to give them back? I don’t want to be charged with kidnapping, however, I’m not bringing them back even if I’m mandated to. UPDATE: He’s up and we’re on our way to the hospital. I’m having both kids examined just to remain on the safe side. I called CPS and said I’m bringing the kids to the hospital and am scared to return them to their mothers care. Fingers crossed. UPDATE #2: My lawyer came to me before I could go to him and told me he worried he didn’t have the kind of experience for this case (he’s a neighbor who was doing this for almost no money out of the goodness of his heart) and connected me to a lawyer with experience in these cases and family court, who is also being very generous with her rates. In the meantime my ex-wife arrived out of nowhere to try and take the kids back. I saw her standing at our door pounding and shouting as I pulled back up from meeting with the lawyer. Luckily I hadn’t gone into the driveway yet and the kids were tuned into their iPads with headphones on so I just kept driving and when they realized we’d passed the house I just improvised and said “surprise! Ice cream!” i think they intuitively didn’t ask why we went to a parlor three towns over instead of our usual place. Therapy starts soon, thank God. CPS is heavily involved and five separate reports were made. Mine, my lawyer’s, the ER doctor, the police who were called to the ER, and their school counselor (at the advice of my new, far more aggressive, lawyer.) The reports are almost definitely what backed the judge into the corner of having to grant the hearing. I’m too nervous to sleep, and drove the boys around for six hours so they could sleep (the car always conks them right out.) Now the oldest is up reading in my bed and the youngest is curled up with me in his bed. He’s asleep but wakes up every time I try to go check on the older one. They seem calmer. Hoping for good news and thank you for all the good advice. I now see I really needed that new lawyer and filing the multiple reports and getting an exam was the best course of action. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Go before a judge and try to get emergency custody until the hearing. OOP: My lawyer tried to do this and was denied. I just wrote after reading your comment to understand further why that happened, because it does seem crazy the more I think about it. essentially he said the judge didn’t deem the injuries severe enough to warrant an emergency hearing because he didn’t have to go to the hospital or require medical attention so it’s up for debate whether or not it will be classified as abuse and has to wait until our court date. He said the judge implied maybe the boyfriend is just very “old fashioned”. Either he didn’t look closely at the pictures or is abusive himself because my son had angry red welts that were still festering after nearly 24 hours and unhealed lacerations. Following up on this with the lawyer. Commenter 2: It may also be a good idea to take him to the hospital so a medical professional can take stock of his injuries, so you have definitive proof that the injuries are from before you have had the children. Is there ANY way your lawyer can go before a different judge? This one seems like he doesn't care at all. OOP: I don’t know but will ask. This is my first interaction with the court system beyond contesting a traffic ticket. A great idea to take him to the hospital though. The youngest is sleeping now, for the first time in a while, but I’ll bring him the moment he’s up.   Update #1: March 28, 2018 (next day) Editor's note: removed a part of the update as it is a rehash of the original post [Michigan, USA] Question 1: My lawyer is telling me to be prepared for my ex to say I abused the kids and coached them to lie. Is there anything I can do to get out in front of that? Question 2: I wouldn’t be surprised if the boyfriend has been abusing my ex wife. My lawyer said if this is the case she might use that as a defense for not stepping in when the kids were being beaten mercilessly by a grown adult man. If this surfaces does it help or hurt my efforts to keep the kids in my custody? ---- UPDATE: Thank you all for your excellent advice. My lawyer is aware that I’m posting on here and said it’s alright - especially since she recognizes she can’t make herself as available as she would if I were a regular client through her firm paying full freight. She’s been wonderful. The hearing was pushed back by a couple hours, but we can’t leave in case they can see us sooner so we’re waiting now. I’m exceptionally freaked out but my lawyer seems deeply confident it will be open and shut. (The case worker isn’t visiting the house until this afternoon but apparently she’s already visited my ex’s house and talked to the boyfriend and her conclusion from that was to recommend they stay with me.) The boys have had some interviews and exams with CPS that sound like they went as well as they could have and the things that didn’t go well will help me get them home and safe. After this process my next step is an order of no contact on the boyfriend or a restraining order if I can swing it. Will have to ask the lawyer. But she agrees we do need something official in place to keep him at bay. A buddy is installing a couple security cameras today. Thanks for those who recommended that. \— ANOTHER UPDATE: I have custody until the formal hearing is scheduled. I don’t have to bring them back. Their lawyer tried to say the younger one had fallen on cement and rolled down a step and that’s how it happened. When the boys were asked if younger fell and they had no clue what she was talking about (they tripped on some patio bricks but were barely scratched) their lawyer tried to switch it around and say I’d abused them and they were trying to do me a favor of keeping it out of court. The judge said “Counselor, are you out of your mind?” Which my lawyer says is a great sign moving forward. I don’t know where they found their lawyer but he was wearing sneakers. So now we wait for next Wednesday. I’m just relieved there isn’t the same clock on it now. Thank you again to everyone. The boys are back in school Monday and doing well. The older fell asleep tonight without issue for the first time since I got them. I’m hopeful. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I know OP has spoken with school counselor, but Monday morning he has to speak with the counselor and principle in case mom shows up. I'm not sure if the school can prevent her from speaking to the kids or signing them out, but OP needs to be informed if she steps on school grounds. OOP: The school is aware - both for the boys’ well-being as they cope with everything that’s happened and also for security reasons. I called the principal and have been assured they’ll show her face at a meeting on Monday so everybody on campus will be aware of her. I had to send proof of full custody, etc. before it was finalized but by Monday it should be ok. Thanks for your concern and tips. Commenter 2: Question 1: That’s why you involved the police and CPS. They’re professionals, and are investigating. Most kids are not very good liars, so the professionals should be able to tell who’s lying and who isn’t (I know it doesn’t always work out that way). Just listen to your new lawyer, and make sure you don’t ‘advise’ or try to ‘help’ the kids with their statements. Leave it to the professionals. Did ex try to pick the kids up before the scheduled time, or was it the normal exchange time? I’m sure she’s been notified of the investigation. Make sure your new lawyer notifies CPS/police about her showing up at your house. Question 2: IDK, but whether she’s also being abused or not, she was definitely aware of the kids being assaulted and didn’t intervene, per your kid’s statements. That will not play out in her favor. Good luck, and keep being a good dad. OOP: Thank you. And, no, I was supposed to drop them off at the end of the week in the evening. She never comes here - I always drop them off there (partially because I like having the extra time of the drive with my kids and partially because I did want to keep an eye on how the new boyfriend interacted with my kids and the state of their house. Though we see what good that attempt was now, and lastly because the few times she picked them up here she’d come hours early and I felt awful when my visits were cut short.) Commenter 3: For Question 1: Don't tell the kids to say ANYTHING! You want to avoid any hint of coaching. If your kids want to talk about what happened, listen, but probably keep your answers pretty minimal, but empathetic. Like, "how do you feel about that?" or "I love you and I always will" or "would you like a hug?" I originally had "that sounds upsetting" on that list, but then you're telling the child they should be upset. Ask your case worker/lawyer/therapist how to support your kids without tainting their testimony. OOP: Good thought. I’ll run that question by the case worker and get more details from lawyer who had begun to touch on it. Commenter 4: In the event that you don't have time to stop your kids from going back to their mothers, you need to setup a plan on how they can contact you in the event something starts happening. Does your oldest have a phone? If so, I would suggest you get an Amazon Dash button and have him set it up at your ex's house under your account. This way if he gets his phone taken away, he still has a lifeline of sorts by pressing the button and ordering a product that would immediately notify you that something is up. OOP: That’s a really smart idea. Thank you.   Editor's note: OOP installed a final update into the same post with the first update Final Update: April 11, 2018 (same post, two weeks later) UPDATE April/11/18 Sorry for the long delay. It’s been a crazy few days, I’ve barely been checking my emails let alone Reddit (as wonderful as you all are!) Your support has been so critical in getting through this time. So - at first I did not win full custody. My ex wife and her bizarre lawyer fabricated evidence claiming I’d been fired from a previous job for violence, going so far as to forge a letter from a nonexistent boss and a whole hash of lies. (I am in IT. So I really don’t know what she could have dreamed up that would end in physical violence.) I was just so flustered and terrified at the initial ruling. My lawyer hadn’t seen the fake papers and was a complete shark, not allowing anyone to even leave the courtroom before she understood the reasoning behind the ruling. Once it came to light there was some sort of evidence she hadn’t seen she really dug in and at the end of the day I got full custody with my ex getting limited supervised visits (provided the boyfriend is nowhere in sight) and the chance to come back and get more visits if she can demonstrate the boyfriend is no longer living in the house or would ever be around the kids. The other good news is it seems like the only plus to icky sneakers lawyer is that he is helping her seek some counseling for whatever trauma she personally experienced. My lawyer is following up with seeing anyone responsible for misconduct, including the judge, is dealt with appropriately. I have the kids now. That’s all that matters. They’re still in school in her town (where I lived with her when we were married) and the end of the year is close but next year I’m going to move them to my district. It’s all on her now. All that matters is the boys are home. Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in this update here   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/canigetamap Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest I gave my friend a haircut and now everything feels different Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Mood Spoilers: very sweet ---- Original Post: January 5, 2026 My (F31) friend (M32) lost a family member with whom he was very close recently and didn't get the chance to travel for the funeral. It hit him pretty hard, so I told him to come spend the weekend with me, that way we could chat, have a drink, cook a couple of meals, and just generally not be alone. We live a few hours apart. He agreed, we set a date, he bought tickets and came over. I hosted him at my place, he slept at the sofa bed, I slept in the bedroom, we had a blast. It was a lovely weekend. However. On his first night here we were talking about haircuts, and I mentioned I've been doing my own for years (it looks ok) and did my brother's and dad's during the covid lockdowns. He asked me if I could give him a haircut so he could save a few bucks, I said ok although I can only do simple haircuts and nothing too elaborate. He said that should do it. Next morning I sat him down in my bathroom, gave him a towel to wrap around his neck, and then it hit me that I would have to touch him for this. There's nothing wrong with him, his hygiene is very up to date, his skin looks fine and his hair is very healthy. We're just not very touchy people, neither of us. I don't think we even hugged before that, and we've known each other for years. So as a first physical contact, this felt... a bit much? Every time I had to touch a different part of his head or face I'd go "sorry, excuse me, so sorry, don't mind me, just trying to get this bit right" and he'd go "it's all good don't worry you're being very gentle" which was reassuring. I left a playlist running in the background, that seemed to relax everyone a little bit, and I noticed his hair was very soft and smelled kinda nice. When I looked at him in the mirror I saw he had his eyes closed and was breathing kind of deeply, like he was enjoying having someone fiddling with his hair. He did not seem at all worried about how the haircut was going to turn out. I was very focused on getting it right. When I finished I told him he could wait for me to sweep the floor and then take a shower to get rid of the tiny hairs that inevitably get everywhere. He asked if he could put his shirt in the washer, to not get hair in his other clothes, I said sure. He took off his shirt, shook it around a little bit and handed it to me as I was finishing the sweep. He got in the shower and I went to start the washer. I noticed my shirt also had a bunch of tiny hairs, so I took it off and threw it in. When I was measuring the soap the bathroom door swung open and he asked me something about the hot water, which wasn't running, so I went into the bathroom to check, fixed it, explained what to do next time, and left. He just had a towel around his waist and I was in just shorts and a bra. It didn't feel weird. No one blushed. This happened a couple more times throughout the weekend. The haircut turned out fine. He loved it, said it looked very professional, and when we went out that night to meet some mutual friends he told everybody I was the one who did it. I saw him checking his own reflection and looking satisfied a couple of times, he was chattier and was laughing easier. He looked so happy, it was such a precious sight, and I was just glad I brought him some joy. He said he didn't remember the last time he felt this at peace. Life has been rough on him lately. He's still grieving. I also noticed we causally touch each other a little now, he held my hand when I was going down some stairs on high heels, I held onto his arm on a reflex when someone told me shocking news, he put his hand on the small of my back when we were getting into the subway. I fixed the collar of his shirt when it was crooked, he hugged me goodbye for several seconds. These don't sound like a lot, but again, we're not touchy people. While all of this felt really nice, I don't know how me giving him a haircut moved the level of intimacy from "never even gave him a hug" to "we're ok with seeing each other half naked and casually touching". What happened here? I don't understand. This isn't an inherently intimate activity, professional hairdressers do this every single day several times a day without any of this shenanigans. I am not complaining, it's nice that we're closer, but the curve from where we were then to where we are now is so steep, this happened so fast. I don't think this is a typical friendship anymore, at least not by our standards, but I don't think we want to date either. Nothing romantic happened, we didn't kiss, we didn't bang, nothing even close to that. We had the opportunity, so if it didn't happen I can only conclude it's because we didn't really want it to. That being said, I don't know what exactly this relationship is now. I am very confused. I'm struggling to identify my own feelings. I fail to comprehend how things changed so drastically because of a simple haircut. Thank you all for letting me vent. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: You showed him kindness when he was grieving. That haircut and you touching him probably made him feel a 100 times better when he was probably feeling so low at losing someone and not being able to be there. You showed him that you’re a kind, compassionate and caring friend who was there for him at a low point. Commenter 2: This is a beautiful comment. Try to look at the situation purely as what it is, which was being there for a friend. OP, do you happen to suffer from anxiety disorder? As someone who has/does, it felt familiar, reading your thought process; the overthinking and jumping to an intrusive conclusion (ie needing to apologize for touching his hair during a haircut, wondering if these small gestures suggest an impending relationship). The reason I ask, is that often times anxiety tells you to overthink, to worry, to turn something simple into a catastrophe. I don’t suggest you do have any medical condition, I just offer this as a possible lens to view the situation through. Wishing you the best. You are a kind, compassionate person. OOP: The reason why I apologized many times was not because I thought small touches suggested an impending relationship, it's because I'm autistic and have some sensory issues. Anything that touches my skin has the potential to make me debilitatingly uncomfortable, including: people who like to touch while they talk to me, surface textures, labels in clothes, most clothes, most bed sheets, ocean water that dries before I can shower, liquid soap, etc. He knows this and he never made a point of wanting to express affection physically before. The way we touched each other after the haircut was minimal and fleeting, so not enough to trigger any discomfort on my part, but I'm not sure how I would have felt had I been in his place during the haircut. Commenter 3: Maybe I missed it but you never stated whether you felt attracted to him. Do you think he is handsome? Is he boyfriend material? Or do you just want him as a friend? These are important. Figure out what you want and build the boundaries you want. If you would like to be with him intimately then things are going a good direction. If not then maybe it's time to draw a boundary. Nothing obvious like sitting him down and telling him that you are not interested. But talking casually about somebody you are interested in. Or something to that effect. Maybe you both want to be friends just, nothing wrong with that but tbh from what you said I think you like him. OOP: I find him very handsome, he's very conventionally attractive, and he's very committed to all his relationships. He's also funny and smart. I would introduce him to all my single girl friends, even the ones I plan on staying friends with. On some level I think I love him, and I think he loves me too, but none of this feels like romantic love. It feels like familiar and comfortable love. On top of that, I just got out of a long-ish term thing, he's still grieving intensely, none of us are in the correct headspace to be dating anyone. At all. Commenter 4: I'm an esthetician, so not hair but definitely a tertiary industry. We often times study the psychological effects of human touch, since we are some of the last occupations in modern society where it's quite literally our job to touch people. Today's world is catastrophically void of physical interactions, which sucks because people are naturally going to crave being touched. It's how our species got where we are. He was in a very vulnerable state, and you broke that touch barrier, essentially becoming a temporary caretaker for him. It's a deeply emotional connection and perfectly natural, given the positions you were both in. For him: he was taken care of. For you: you provided that care. OOP: I guess I never thought of a haircut as, first and foremost, an act of care. He needed his hair cut, I knew how to cut hair, so it felt more like a chore I could take care of, so he wouldn't have to worry about it. This is more or less the way we have cared for each other in the past, getting chores done, helping with organization, running errands, things like that. A couple of years ago I lost someone very dear to me and also couldn't make it to the funeral. I was in a bit of a sorry state, so he came over, cleaned my flat, did my laundry, went grocery shopping and cooked a bunch of meals that he left portioned in my freezer. He even did the dishes. I don't think I ever felt that cared for, and I'll never ever forget it. I never thought breaking the touch barrier would change things so deeply. This is a difficult thing for me to process, and I appreciate your (and everyone else's) point of view. What does OOP think of romantic love? OOP: This nearly gave me a stroke. I'm not entirely sure, but I don't think it's there. I don't think either of us is interested in having a romantic relationship with the other, it doesn't seem like we would work well as a couple. We share many values but we also have different takes on things we both consider essential in a long term partnership. Sure, maybe I'm wrong, what do I know, I have no clue what's happening, and if I have to eat my words in the future I'll gladly do it over hot sauce. But knowing us the way I do, I don't think I'm his wife and I don't think he's my husband. I think we're something else to each other. + I don't think I have a very specific idea of love and romance, but I do have a very specific feeling associated to it, which is not exactly, not entirely, not quite what I'm feeling for him at this precise moment. I think. Maybe it's nearly there, maybe not, I dunno. I can't tell the future. I love how different we all are. The way you approach your relationships is absolutely valid and I hope it's bringing you joy. I'm not sure of much in life, but, for example, I'm sure I don't want kids, I don't want to give up my career, I don't want to settle far from family. He's sure of other things, which aren't necessarily compatible with mine. Also we're both immigrants where we live, but we come from opposite ends of the world, so the cultural background is absolutely not the same. All of this plays a part in the feasibility of this relationship, whether we're on board or not. I'm sure I'm not ready for this relationship, I don't think he is either. He needs time and space to grief properly. I don't think it's wise to entertain this idea until we're both in a better place emotionally. Is OOP on the spectrum? What about her friend? OOP: I am on the spectrum, but my friend isn't. We learned to communicate better over the years, but he naturally uses a lot of subtext, so the first time we had a miscommunication he told me all I had to do was ask and he would rephrase and reword until we were both satisfied. So whenever I needed, I asked, and he did. That being said I'm sure if I attempted to talk this through with him it would be very fruitful, but I don't want to add to his plate, I just want to take care of him, and for him to happy and healthy. The man deserves some peace and quiet.   Update: February 12, 2026 (over one month later) UPDATE: I gave my friend a haircut and now everything feels different Ok, y'all. I have a lot to tell. This will be long. First of all, thank you to everyone who commented on my original post and helped me understand things a bit more clearly. To all the barbers and hairdressers and related care professionals, your jobs are insane, I have no idea how you cope and you are all incredible. Now to the updates. Around the same time as I wrote the original post I was fired in a big layoff. My friend and I have similar jobs, and he told me the company where he works had openings. I applied and several interviews later I got an offer. Pay, hours, benefits, pto, everything was better than my previous job. So I took it, and moved to his city. I was staying at his place while I looked for my own flat, and on the first night there I thought it was time we talked about the haircut-touching situation. At the time of the first post I was more or less sure that there were no romantic feelings involved on my end, but after a lot of reflection on the comments here and several therapy sessions I had to admit to myself that my feelings were, perhaps, skewing towards something else. To everyone who pointed out in the original post that this looked like a love story, and to whom I replied "I don't think that's it", I am very sorry. It was, in fact, exactly it. You were all correct, I am just very, very slow. It took me about three glasses of wine to gather up the courage, but I eventually asked if he'd been feeling different since the haircut, if he felt our dynamic had changed a bit and told him I wasn't so sure I felt exclusively platonically about him anymore. He said his feelings for me were indeed different now and he'd been feeling it for a while, that things did change after that weekend and that we felt closer, but it seemed more than just that. He said he didn't even realize at the time we were being more touchy, it was just what felt natural and right in the moment, and he only stopped to think about it once he got home and I wasn't around, and he felt it. He even apologized if that made me uncomfortable, which I reassured him it didn't. None of us had any clarity on what exactly it was that we were feeling, but it felt nice that we were equally confused. The following day was a Friday, and it was my first day at the new job. At some point he came to check in on me and asked if I wanted to go on a date. An actual, real, official date. Tonight. I panicked and said yes. He walked away and I immediately went through a sickening rollercoaster of emotions, ranging anywhere from deep regret to pure bliss. When the time came I thought I was going to have a stroke. I could tell we were both really nervous, which, yeah, ok, but also what the fuck, we're over 30 years old, how is this still so stressful Fortunately the date went really well. We had so much fun, he was so charming and I was the most comfortable I've ever been on a date. We went salsa dancing after dinner and to me that was an unthinkable activity until the haircut, but he's an incredible dancer. After we were done with a particularly entertaining piece, he kissed me. I kissed him back, everything melted, it felt surreal. I won't give any more details than this on the physical aspect of this relationship, but y'all can use your filthiest imaginations. It was mind blowing. Some weeks later I finally found a flat I liked so I asked him if he'd help me pack my stuff. He stared at me for a moment and asked me why wouldn't I just stay. We'd been having a great time, cohabitation was going smoothly, we were already sharing most things, the bed, rent, showers, bills, rides to work. I said maybe we should go through the steps of having our own spaces first and then slowly incorporate the other? He said sure, if that's what I wanted to do we absolutely would, but to him it felt like we'd been dating for years at this point. We already knew each other so well and so intimately that he felt like we'd already gone through all the Slowly Letting Each Other In phase. Plus, we just had a very successful test run of living together as a couple in the past month or so. He didn't press me into anything, it was more of a signal that he was ready for that and wanted to know if I felt the same. He was very loving and reassuring about it. At this point, yes, it did feel a bit silly to go through the motions, we had already seen each other through good and horrible times, already met the families, we've been to both our home countries together, intimacy was very much well established. But still, this was new territory and I wanted to think more carefully about it. I only had like two days to pay the deposit on the flat though, so I had to make a decision. In my head I kept wondering if this wasn't rushed or irresponsible, what if it doesn't work out, the fallout seemed huge, we even work together now and I really need this job. I felt completely overwhelmed and catastrophized it out of the park. I got home late from my shift that night, he had made dinner and left me a plate. He was in the bathroom brushing his teeth, I peeked my head through the crack of the door and said a silly hello. He smiled so big he drooled a bit of toothpaste foam onto his t-shirt, I wiped it out for him while we laughed about it and he finished washing up. I thought it was just an endearing moment, but as I sat down to eat and we were talking at the dinner table, I kept trying to find reasons why I would not want to come home to him every day. And I kept coming up blank. It was so strange. It was like all the worries I had just spend the entire day stressing about suddenly seemed completely manageable and not at all scary. Same thing happened when we had a conversation about how this relationship would go, long term. It was challenging, but we talked our way into a path that seems doable with compromises but that doesn't involve anyone having to give up on principles and core beliefs. When I think about it I'm sure it won't be easy, there's so much we need to work out it feels overwhelming, but then I look at him, he holds my hand, and I feel like we'll make it and I really don't need to be that stressed about it. So I didn't move, I stayed, and now my friend is my partner and his place is our place. I know it hasn't been long and maybe this is all a huge mistake, but I'm carefully optimistic. I don't know if that is what you all wanted to hear, but here it is. Thank you all for being here for us. Relevant / Top Comments OOP clarifies on the timeline from the original post to the update OOP: If it wasn't clear, some of the things I reported in this update (me being fired, interviewing, considering moving cities) were already ongoing by the time I first posted, which was already several weeks after the haircut weekend. It was, in fact, why I posted here, I needed to understand what happened and get my feelings in order. I was scared about moving closer to him while being so confused and end up in a messy situation. Commenter 1: I was not expecting to ship a couple in this subreddit today. Congrats, OP! Commenter 2: Welp. Sounds like you found your person, and it was someone who was there all along. Best wishes to you both for a happy life together ❤️   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/CerebralCortisol Originally posted to r/bigboobproblems Alright I’m actually screwed - bridesmaid dress incident Editor’s note: made small edits and added paragraph breaks for ease of readability Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: body shaming, controlling behavior Original Post: January 21, 2026 Picture of Bridesmaid Dress description of the bridesmaid dress: strapless and features bold, asymmetrical cutouts along the front, connected by few curved gold metal accents creating a sculptural, almost jewelry-like effect across the torso. Black fabric drapes tightly over the body, emphasizing waist and hips. On one side, the dress has a high thigh slit that reveals most of one leg, adding to the dramatic look. The hem falls to the floor on the opposite side, creating an uneven, stylish silhouette. End of bridesmaid dress description OOP’s post: This is the bridesmaid dress for my friend’s upcoming wedding. Unfortunately, my only two options are death or flashing the entire audience. Yes I’ve already talked to her about how this is physically impossible for me to wear and asked if I could wear a more modest substitute in the same color/fabric or at least wear a long sleeve shirt (that’s my skin tone) under the dress Her response was that I shouldn’t worry bc I’ll look great?? (so no, I’ll actively be flashing her future MIL or smth) And that she wants perfect uniformity for the pictures so no undershirt and that this dress fits her effortlessly classy theme. (I, personally, will not be looking classy in this as you can imagine) We’ve been friends for 12+ years adn in her words I’m “absolutely not allowed to drop out” at this point (not that I want to but guys … look at this thing). So send prayers and structural engineering advice if you have any ig Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Is she getting married in a strip club? OOP: The reception is literally in a club but she says she’s gonna “transform it into smth elegant” I really really wanna ask her if she’s sure the theme is “classy” and not “exotic dancer-esque” 😫. Commenter 2: I would 100% wear a skin tone body suit under this, there is no way I would go out in public in just this! Maybe give her a few days and revisit it? Sometimes people get excited and forget the laws of physics. OOP: Ilysm yes this is my plan. I’m gonna try it on in front of her tmr and pray she “sees” straight up why this isn’t gonna work Commenter 3: All you’ll have to do is actually try it on in front of her. It’s the only way she will understand the gravity of the situation… and that is the gravity your boobs will have in this dress OOP: HAHAHA ♥️ Yes exactly I’m doing this tomorrow bc I’m at a loss 😭 There’s no way I’m not traumatizing the crowd in that dress Commenter 4: maybe I’m the old prude but it feels legitimately rude to choose a club dress as a bridesmaid dress and force your friends of all sizes into… whatever this is OOP: Exactly how I feel 😭 I don’t wanna rain on her parade but this is just not possible for me, ofc I support her choices but this one is really questionable and kinda insulting 😔 Commenter 5: I'm baffled that this is a choice for a bridesmaid dress at all. 😭😭 Surely you are not the only bridesmaid that isn't an A cup. Let alone have any curves at all. Good luck with showing her OP because oooooh boy I would be considering if she refuses to change the dress to just... Drop out of being in the wedding party. OOP: I’m the only one above a B cup and not model skinny, so ofc I understand she’s trying to accommodate 98% of her bridesmaids but that kinda just leaves me fighting for my life 🥹 I hope she sees reason tmr 🙏♥️. Commenter 6: I wouldn't consider that dress classy for a wedding...I agree with wearing a skin tone body suit or something. OOP: She’s an “interesting” gal with very unique taste. I love her really but I think the wedding excitement is fogging her brain a bit when it comes to gravity and physics Commenter 7: That is a wildly inappropriate dress for a bride to choose for her bridesmaids without every single one of them consenting. I would tell her that I would not be wearing the dress and to choose a substitute. If she doesn't okay a substitute I'd step down and ask to attend as a regular guest. OOP: Everyone else consented and loved it when she showed us the other day 🥹 I was the only lone veto and they thought it was bc I didn’t like the design but it’s legit bc I can’t wear it 😭 I hope tm when I try it on for her she sees that I need something under it or a different dress Does OOP know what the bride is actually wearing? OOP: A short lace dress with a sheer stomach panel that’s custom made for the reception (idk don’t ask me why, even I found it questionable) is what I know so far so you can probably guess why the bridesmaid dresses look like this-   Editor's note: OOP made a separate post for the update, but it was removed. The update was reinstalled as a comment in the original post Update (in comments): January 22, 2026 (next day) Hii guys I’m sorry I didn’t know how/where to post an update so I’m just gonna make a new post I’m sorry UPDATE: My friend came over like we agreed but she didn’t tell me she was also bringing her mom and MIL so I was a little caught off guard. Her mom I kinda understand since she’s known me my whole life and bought the dresses for all the bridesmaids, but idk MIL at all so I felt a bit intimidated. Things needed to be seen and said about the dress tho so I asked my friend politely to come in my room so I could try it on in front of her. But her mom insisted I show all of them since she was the one who “spent good money on it” and didn’t see how it could be as bad as I made it out to be, insisting her daughter chose smth “befitting of all us girls” (ok auntie wtv u say). I tried to say it was a bad idea but MIL butted in to say she wanted to see why I was making such a big deal out of nothing. Like ik I always wear baggy clothes and don’t show my figure much now but friend’s mom watched me grow up guys and at the very least she knew I was a G cup in MS and an I/J in HS since I’ve gone shopping w her on multiple occasions. Anyway I just kinda think fuck it, everyone here is a woman with lady bits so it’s nothing they haven’t seen before and say “ok aunties”. I go to put on this atrocity and guys lemme tell you the series of unfortunate events that unfolded: -first I hear some seams stretching and snapping as I slither and shimmy into this thing -then I look in the mirror and omg the fabric, I knew it was thin to begin with but when I saw the way it stretched across the curves of my tummy and hips and ass that shit became sheer, straight up see through -the middle snake’s head popped out from its fabric loop so it’s tail was hanging on for dear life in its fabric loop (that was just loosely hanging down at that point since it wasn’t being pulled taut by the other end of the snake, I didn’t bother fixing it since the point was to show her how bad the dress was) -my stretch marks all over my hips and inner thigh were on full display people -the slit, omg please the slit wasn’t even to the side of my leg, it was basically centered because my thighs are chubby, so when I walked or just moved in general tht shit fluttered in the wind and you got a full view of my hooha (yes I went braless and pantyless bc every set of panties I own would be visible in that dress) -and finally bc I love dramatic effect, I try to get my boobs into that tiny ass panel of fabric at the top, it doesn’t work (what a f surprise) so instead I just let one flop out the bottom of the panel so I have enough room for my singular other tit to sit inside the panel but in doing so I had to like angle my tit sideways with my whole areola showing through the center of the snake I walk out with a little twirl and ass shake, everything jiggling in the wind and I feel the breeze on my ykw. I do a whole number for them, bending over to pick up some “lint”on the floor, performing a mock waltz with an imaginary partner, jumping up and down to some nonexistent music, serving them chai with my tit on the table, sitting on a dining chair in front of them so they see I’m clearly pantyless/braless. My friend is dying laughing, ok that seems like a good sign. Her mom is wide eyed and looks a bit embarrassed but has that understanding glint in her eye too yk, so I was like ok great I’m in the clear so far. Then I look at MIL and woman looks like I just mauled her dog, she was so red in the face. I haven’t been yelled at like that by anyone other than my mother in years. This woman I barely know is spitting and screaming in my face that I’m a “whore” and “kafir” and doing this on purpose to ruin (friend’s) wedding bc im an attention seeker yada yada~ Nobody cut in or attempted to deescalate or save me from the onslaught of her foul breath. They left a while ago after finishing their chai while I sobbed silently on the couch in front of them and yes I changed into a normal skirt and sweater for that. Anyhow all is well, I am no longer a bridesmaid and have been disinvited from the wedding altogether tho. MIL said it was between that and not letting (friend) marry her son bc she associates w “people like me”, which I understand maybe I went overboard, but agreeing to the ultimatum in front of me hurt a bit, so yea this might be the worst day of my life. RIP to a 12+ yr friendship, she was like my sister. Top Comments Commenter 1: Oof. Who needs enemies when you have friends like this. Commenter 2: MIL sounds like a piece of work. I hope that you get to stay friends, and maybe this will open your friends eyes about what to expect from her MIL in the future. But damn, your description of how the dress fit, had me dying of laughter, with you not at you. Cos that was so real. Commenter 3: Wow. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I'm also sorry that your friend who you thought of like a sister felt it was okay for her future MIL to treat you that way. That's Grade A shitty friend behavior. I hope you tell her as such, and how hurt you are that you meant is little to her as a friend. I mean, does MIL actually have any say in your friend marrying her son? They're both grown adults who can make their own decisions. Unless you live in a culture where the MIL does make decisions like that, in which case I'm sorry. Honestly, if you and this friend are as close as you claim, I think it would be worth reaching out to tell her how hurt you are, and how you aren't entirely sure if your friendship is worth keeping if she's comfortable with you being verbally abused in front of her. Your body is not your fault, nor is it something to be ashamed of, and you warned them several times the dress would not work for you. It's not fair you got shamed for that to the point of tears, and honestly I'm livid on your behalf.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/freudsdriver Originally posted to r/AITAH Am I the a-hole for making my daughter's BF buy a new t-shirt? Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Original Post: December 26, 2025 Ok, can you please settle a mild dispute for my family! The 23rd of December, my daughter's (19), BF (19), came for dinner. We had a dinner then, because he's going away with his family for Christmas. He arrived, rang the bell, and I answered the door. He came in, took off his jacket, and that's when I saw IT! He was wearing a t-shirt that said, "It's not gonna suck itself". I took one look at that shirt and asked him if he had any money. He said no, and asked why? I told him that the shirt showed a marked lack of respect for both my daughter and my wife. I pulled 2 twenties out of my wallet, and quietly ushered him back out the door, and towards the Walmart 3 miles away, and told him to buy a more respectful shirt, and come back with it on. Mind you, this whole exchange took place between him and I, without an audience. He was gone for 15 minutes, came back with a nice polo shirt on. We had a nice dinner together, and nothing was mentioned of the incident. The next day, my daughter came to me and he mother, and told us what I did, humiliated him. They aren't in breakup territory or anything, and no yelling or anything of the sort went on. My wife did tell me I could have handled it differently. So, Reddit, am I wrong for handling it this way, and, if so, how could I have handled it? EDIT: I'm 57, and a long haul truck driver, so I've had my share of bad moments. Most of us guys here can remember stupid things that we did as a teen, even into our 20's. The ones that stand out for me, are the ones where someone didn't react with anger, or malice. They were the ones that someone reacted with constructive kindness, one where a quiet redemption was offered, where a mirror was quietly held up to my behavior. Those are the ones I learned from, and appreciated the most. Hopefully, he comes out the other side with a new appreciation for kindness offered quietly, and without fanfare. Just my thoughts. AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received the majority of NTAs Editor's note: OOP has made lots of comments, I am listing the common questions asked and responses including downvoted comments Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: NTA. I think you handled it well. He was an idiot to think that shirt would go over well with his gf's family and is lucky you didn't give him more grief for it. Commenter 2: NTA he humiliated himself, he chose to buy that shirt, then to wear it. What a boneheaded thing to wear to his partner's parents’ home. He got off extremely lightly. You handled it very gracefully. Is your daughter a bit less than sharp, that she cannot see the inappropriateness in the situation? OOP: I think she's just trying to defend him, honestly. Commenter 3: why on earth would you wife be against this? OOP: She just hated the idea of him being put on the spot. I did point out, that I could have done it front of everyone.... Downvoted Commenter: If my husband did that, it would be a fight when I found out... that he paid for the new shirt and allowed the boy into my home. That boy should have been banned until he learned some damn respect on his own. What you just taught him is he profits from his terrible behaviors. OOP: What I wanted to teach him, is that there doesn't have to be a loud, emotional outburst. That some lessons are loud in the message of learning and forgiveness. He's 19, and does treat my daughter well, so I can forgive him some stupidity. Commenter 4: Question: what else was on the shirt? Still in bad taste but was there a graphic printed on it of, say, a lollipop or something like that? OOP: Arrow, pointing down. Commenter 5: NTA. I would love to know how your wife would like you to have handled it. I can’t imagine anything better than the way you handled it. Kudos to you for a gentle response and showing him how to respect ladies regardless of age. Also giving him a chance to save face and show some dignity at a family holiday gathering. OOP: Actually, my wife is reading these comments as they come in, and has wholeheartedly changed her opinion...lmao! Our daughter is a very introverted young lady, and wears her feelings on her sleeve. This is her first relationship, and my wife is very protective of her feelings, as am I. My wife kinda smothered her growing up, because we almost lost her the summer before kindergarten. Since then, she's had related health issues. However, my wife realizes that the t was inappropriate, as has admitted that she can't think of a better way of handling it! Commenter 6: Sorry you had to deal with almost losing her young. I definitely understand as I almost lost my youngest at age six with lifelong issues since. If she is introverted, I wonder if you as parents have explained the nuances of that shirt and others like it. Sometimes we as parents assume that they understand but they actually don’t. Not knocking your parenting skills at all, just sometimes we assume life has taught them more than we should. Ya know, kids talk etc. at school. I just had to explain some things to my 22-year-old that I figured she knew just by going to school. OOP: She's in her 2nd year of university, with a GPA of 3.95, so She's intellectually brilliant, but more than a few times, she's missed social nuances. We try to be patient. How long has OOP's daughter been dating her boyfriend? OOP: Actually, they've been together for 4 months, and he's been otherwise, very respectful! He calls me Mr. x, not my first name, and my wife as well. This is the reason I went out of my way not to shame him, or alienate him.   Editor's note: OOP has made several updates that are on the same original post, sorting the updates in the chronological order for ease of readability Update #1: December 27, 2025 (next day) SMALL UPDATE: After reading these comments, and listening to everyone's point of view, I sat my daughter down this morning, and asked what her BF actually said to her. This changes my opinion of him. Apparently, he'd not told my daughter what the phrase was on the shirt, but did tell her, accurately, what I said to him, and asked him to do. HE didn't use the word, "humiliated", that was DD's interpretation. Her rush to defend him, came from our examples. Apparently she's took note of times I've defended my wife, and vice versa. She also took note of our disagreements in private, after the fact. She is going to talk to him when he gets back tomorrow, to follow up on why he thought the shirt was appropriate for the family setting. I'll update again after that conversation.   Update #2: December 27, 2025 (same day, hours later) UPDATE #2: My daughter called him about an hour ago, and this'll be informative! She asked him why he'd not told her WHAT the shirt said, when he talked to her. His reply was telling, "because it was embarrassing". Then, she went on to ask him why he wore it originally, and he admitted that the shirt had been a gift from his older brother, (21), and that the older brother had dared him to, called him chicken when he objected, etc. Dumb sibling crap apparently. She went on to tell him that none of what he'd done was cool, and that she really liked him, and that he'd always been kind to her. She said she wasn't breaking up with him, but that these steps needed to be done; first, he needed to explain to his parents the entire situation, second, he needed to show up in person, to our home and bring the money for the shirt, and, as she put it, "put in a whole ass-kissing session that included the explanation of the dare", etc. She said that, if this was handled well, they could talk about moving forward, and what that looked like. After the phone call, she talked to her mom and I, and admitted that, she forgot her worth. She said that, I, as long as she'd been alive, had never gone out of my way to embarrass her mom, and that I'd always been respectful, and not let anyone be disrespectful to her mom (made me feel good!), so she wasn't going to settle for less. Good for her!! I'll update after his visit later tomorrow afternoon! Relevant Comment OOP shares piece of advice he received from his father when it comes to treating / respecting the ladies in their lives OOP: I have six sisters, and the biggest, and most memorable piece of advice he gave all of them was, watch how any potential mate, treats his mother. Because, he will never treat her better in the long run. That has served the well, because they've ALL been married for 20+ years!   Update #3: December 28, 2025 (next day) UPDATE #3: This will make those of you following this saga, laugh! I received a call this evening, from Mr BF's parents! Firstly, they are MORTIFIED, and extremely apologetic! Secondly, and the whole best part of this update, (I have their permission to squeal) is that his parents are on reddit, and commented on my post in support of the way I handled the situation!! They told me that they love my daughter, and that we'd raised her right, and had NOT raised their son's to show this level of disrespect for anyone, let alone his GF. Apparently, BF was following up on one of my daughter's conditions, and went to talk to his parents. As the story unfolded, his mom reached for her phone, opened reddit and yelled, "Is this about f@#king you?!". To quote his dad, "As the son read the first 1/2 paragraph, he died a little inside"!! So, anyways, they are going to come to dinner tomorrow evening with BF! More updates tomorrow night!   Update #4: December 29, 2025 UPDATE #4: Dinner was very pleasant! Let me say, that his parents are great! BF showed up with red roses for my daughter, and yellow roses for my wife! He offered, what I thought, was a very sincere apology, and a card with the entire $40 in it, even though he'd given me the change and receipt on the original night. I cooked tonight, to give my wife a break. I made an Indian dish, called butter chicken, with basmati rice. Neither had eaten curry before, but loved it!! Woohoo!! As it turns out, older brother is the family athlete, JV soccer, V soccer, and a sports scholarship for soccer (the quintessential jock). Little brother is the exact opposite, artistic (he's got real talent!), sensitive, quiet, and felt like he never measured up to big brother, and works to gain big brother's respect. Brother takes full example of this, and exploits his little brother for shits and giggles. Near the end of Dinner, daughter says, I think I'll keep him around for a little longer, you guys ok with that? We are good with that for now! His mom is the boss though, for thinking outside the box! As punishment to older brother, mom went into his clothing, drawers and closet, took every shirt off of him, and bought him 8 very bright pink t-shirts that he'll wear, until he realizes just how damaging exploiting someone, anyone is. His access to cash is also cut off, until said lesson is learned. Anyway, a successful night, with new friends, was enjoyed! Hope this was the update you hoped!   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I went to the goodwill bins and bought $30 worth of t-shirts and denim for weaving on my little frame loom. After washing and cutting into strips I organized by color and came up with these two rugs. The vivid one is twined, the muted one is just regular weave but more weft-faced than I anticipated--I nearly lost my cute pink weft. But it did give me an idea to see if you can do krokbragd with t-shirts and the answer is...yes...sort of! I made a very ugly sample out of some scraps, ignore that I just...didn't do edges. It's an incredibly thick fabric, and it will use up a ton of shirts but I think I want to try it out on a full size piece. submitted by /u/disastertowncosplay to r/weaving [link] [comments]

UPDATE Wow everyone! Thank you so much for the responses! I’m reading every single comment even if I haven’t responded. I’ve learned a lot of interesting things from all of you. It’s made Frankenstein an even richer tale to me than it was before I wrote this post. Many of you suggested I read “Romantic Outlaws” so I’ll definitely be checking that out. I also want to sincerely thank everyone who shared their stories of loss and grief with me. I feel honored that my post resonated with your experiences and helped you in some way. Many commenters asked me to update with my thoughts on the movie after I watched it. Well I watched it and I definitely have some thoughts lol. If you haven’t seen it, then maybe stop reading here before I spoil something. Overall, I enjoyed it. It’s a visually stunning movie. The acting was incredible from the main characters, Jacob Elordi in particular really knocked it out of the park for me. But whoever told me it was faithful to the source material was pretty far off. I will say, although many of the major plot details were altered, the overarching themes of the book as well as the moral takeaways were carried over well into the film. Instead of it just being a scary monster movie, it was a move about love, loss, grief, loneliness, wrestling with your creator and your purpose, and the questioning of what makes us human. A commenter told me to keep an eye out for the red hand motif, and I’m glad they did. I think the color red as a whole in the movie represents the continuity and inseparable connection that love, life, connection, and birth has with hatred, death, loneliness, and grief. This is something another commenter touched on when sharing her near death experience while giving birth. The experience helped her realize “…birth/creation isn’t the opposite of death. They are cause and effect, irrevocably linked”. The vibrant red worn by Victors mother was strikingly symbolic. One way cinematic Victor differs from book Victor is that instead of Elizabeth being his greatest source of joy and love, it was his mother. They had each other and only each other. As she goes into labor with William she begins to bleed profusely. Screaming victors name in pain and terror, she reaches for him and leaves a large bloody handprint on his pristine white shirt, and this is the last time we see Victors mother alive. As her corpse is carried in it’s coffin, her face is adorned with bright red fabric. After her death victor is seen wearing mostly black and white with a red scarf worn by his heart, to me symbolic of keeping his mother’s memory close to him. There is a scene where he is scorned and beaten with a stick by his father, whose cruel treatment he imitates toward his own “son”. After this scene his obsession with eternal life is born, to “follow life into its hiding places” becomes his life’s goal. He is visited in his dreams by a red angel surrounded by fire, urging him towards his divine purpose. He stops wearing red on his chest and instead wears it on his hands, using his grief and love for his mother, as well as his hatred for his father, to motivate his hand in his work. He continues his work with jubilant, unreasonable, and unrestrained passion, and when his work is done, the monster comes to life, he takes off his red gloves. Cinematic victor is not immediately horrified by his creation, but enamored with his creation in a way that is very narcissistic. He has tender moments with his creation, much like a proud father with his infant son. but his pride is more in himself than in his own creation. Seeing the creature as a reflection of himself, he quickly begins to have expectations for his creation that are unreasonable, much as his own father had for him. The mood between him and his creation has a very sudden and clear shift during a scene when the creature dumbly grips a sharp blade, cutting his hand. Instead of being concerned for the creatures well being, Victor’s angered with him. Victor harshly scolds him and blames him for his own pain. And this is the first time you see the creature have a glimpse of and anger back towards Victor. The creature opens his palm to expose a bright red hand covered in blood and stands up, towering over Victor in a small display of power and defiance. Victor has successfully transferred his grief, his pain, his anger, onto his creation. Now his creation wears the red hand, and though the blood washes off, from this moment it lives inside him forever. When Victor finally abandons his creation, he sets fire to the mansion with the creature trapped inside. The statue of the red angel is surrounded in flames, as the creature screams victors name in terror and pain, just as Victors mother had done. In later scenes red is mostly representative of death and rage. Lots of blood. And more blood. And some more. A jaw here, a leg there, a skinned wolf draped over yonder. I think the depiction of Frankensteins monster as a character and not necessarily his actions was very faithful to the source material. I think the monster was definitely my favorite part of the movie. His innocence and tenderness, his confusion and his love, all being soured into rage, was very touching. The literary creature is much more hateful, vindictive, and intentionally murderous than the cinematic creature. The cinematic creature seems to murder mostly in self defense or in a fit of rage, not a calculated homicide. Nonetheless, the essence of his humanity was very well preserved and served its purpose. I think it was an interesting choice to dehumanize Victor so intensely, literary Victor had a much more tender heart, capable of love and understanding, but his blindspot was certainly his creation. In the book you do have sympathy for Victor, but in the movie, I felt almost none of that at all. I think cinematic Victor was honestly just plain vile and I really hated him. His sudden change of heart as he is dying and listening to his creatures tale gave me whiplash. I think it was touching, and it gave a very tidy heartwarming end to the story, but it seemed very out of character for this cinematic portrayal of Victor. I felt a little offended by how they altered Elizabeth’s story but overall, I think it worked for the movie. I think it’s interesting how she kind of became a substitute for the monsters companion since cinematic Victor refused to make him one. With how many creative liberties they took, I was afraid they wouldn’t include the monsters time in the woods with the De Lacey’s. I really enjoyed how they reimagined this for the screen and allowed a deeper friendship to form between the blind old man and the creature. The addition of the wolves and how it helped to shape the monsters perception of the world was particularly brutal and heartbreaking. I think it worked very well with the story. Like I said, overall I really enjoyed it. My expectations for some reason was that it would be very much like the book, so I think i was a little disappointed that it wasn’t. Much of the plot and the characters were drastically changed. Had I not been expecting a faithful rendition, I think I wouldn’t have been disappointed at all. It really is a fantastic film, with very clear intentional thought and direction. The visual symbolism was beautiful. The characters were captivating. The costume and set design truly transported you to a different world, with just enough of the avant guarde artistry Guillermo Del Toro‘s films are so famous for. The movie was thoroughly entertaining and in all honesty if it was another hour longer I wouldn’t mind a bit. —————————————- With the release of Guillermo Del Toro’s Frankenstein I’m seeing a ton of talk about its source material. Mostly conversations about the portrayal of Frankenstein‘s monster and how it seems so different in Guillermo Del Toro’s portrayal than any other cinematic portrayal before. I’m seeing a lot of talk from people saying the movie is very theatrical and out of this world, but still faithful to its source material. I haven’t seen the movie yet, but one aspect that I hope it retains from the source material is grief. I never see anybody talking about Mary Shelley’s grief and how it inspired so much of her book, but to me Frankenstein IS a book of grief and all the different hideous forms it can take. I’ve read Frankenstein a few times. The first time I read it I didn’t really know anything about Mary Shelley or her life. My take away was that it is a book questioning the very nature of humanity. What makes us human? Is God a loving God? And is life really worth living if you are not connected with others? The second time, I read it with the knowledge that it was written while Shelley was still grieving the loss of her baby. She was young and had given birth to her first baby less than a year before writing Frankenstein. The baby’s name was Clara. Clara was born two months premature and she only survived a few weeks before passing away. Prior to writing Frankenstein, Mary Shelley is said to have had recurrent bittersweet nightmares of bringing Clara’s corpse back to life using an external source of energy, such as the warmth from a fire or sunlight. Sound familiar? Shelley is both Frankenstein and his monster. As Frankenstein she is a creator. She brought life into this world, only for this little life to suffer. For it to be born two months early, the image of such a premature baby is not the same as looking at a healthy baby. Just as looking at the monster is not the same as looking at a regular man. You instantly see there is something wrong with it. Too small, it’s skin transparent, oddly proportioned, it’s movements strained, and though it is your own creation, your own baby, it can fill you with fear. I know suffering from grief you also feel an undue sense of guilt. Frankenstein abandons his creation. And this is just speculation, but Mary did have a nurse maid for Clara and was not her sole caretaker. This was absolutely common practice during the time. Something that Mary did that was rather unconventional was breast-feeding her own children. Typically only people living in poverty breast-fed their own children, everyone else hired nursemaids. Mary Shelley still hired a nurse maid to do most of the caretaking for her babies, but she would step in to breast-feed them. When reading Frankenstein, I wondered if Dr. Frankenstein‘s abandonment of his creature is a reflection of Mary Shelley‘s guilt for not being there during all of her daughters last moments. She had an intimate bond with her baby from breast-feeding, but I wonder if she found herself avoiding spending too much time with the baby. I can see how the knowledge of its likely imminent death was too difficult for her to endure. Experiencing grief myself, I know that in my loved ones last moments, I felt it very difficult to be around them, and I have feelings of guilt and terrible shame for abandoning them. It is haunting and although you can run and immerse yourself in the world as best as you can, that grief will always follow you, just as Frankensteins monster haunted him. As I’m sure the memory of Clara haunted Mary. As the monster, Mary is angry with God for bringing her into this world to suffer so much loss. She feels abandoned by God and by those around her. If you’ve ever experienced grief, you may have also experienced a sense of isolation. No one wants to come near you. No one knows what to say. Your grief makes people too uncomfortable because its so ugly. Your grief reminds them of their own mortality, and most people really don’t like the idea of that at all. In the 19th century western world, you were given a mourning period, and then expected to move on with your life. But grief isn’t that simple, it doesn’t evaporate when you take off your black dress. You conceal it and carry it around with you. You have to learn how to be in the world all over again. Wearing a mask of civility all the while feeling hideous inside. When you fully reveal your grief to others, they are horrified. Just as the family in the woods were horrified when the monster revealed himself to them. All he was looking for was connection, compassion, love, acceptance, and understanding, but his true self was too ugly and he was rejected. It was only when he hid himself and made himself useful for them that he was appreciated. You can’t expect time to stand still when you’re grieving. You have to hide it and continue to make yourself useful for others. And you’re looking at the rest of the world with so much envy and contempt. How they float through the world beautifully, smiling, and you want to be a part of it so badly, but your grief is too ugly for them, and you grow to hate them for rejecting you. Your misery makes you a fiend and you feel that only divine intervention, or in Marys case maybe another child, can make you whole again, just as Frankenstein felt his only chance at happiness was begging his creator to make him a companion. Both Frankenstein and his monster reminisce fondly of sweeter, simpler times. For Frankenstein, growing up with his beloved Elizabeth. For the monster, admiring and doing good deeds for the De Lacey family. During grief it is easy to get stuck in the past and yearn for when life was bright and beautiful. To yearn for your innocence before you knew your own cruelty as well as the cruelty of others. You can remember a time when you didn’t feel like a monster or a mad man. For Shelley, maybe this was the hopeful optimistic days of her pregnancy with Clara, or the early romantic days of her relationship with Percy. I think it’s also worth noting that Mary Shelley had a very unconventional relationship with her husband Percy. Percy was married when the two of them met and moved in together. Mary was the young, naive, “other woman”. It wasn’t until Percy’s first wife had passed away that him and Mary were able to get married. By this time, Mary had already given birth to their second child. In addition to their unconventional beginnings, he was extremely unfaithful to her, having several affairs throughout their marriage. During her pregnancy with Clara, he was spending a suspicious amount of time with Mary’s stepsister Claire, and often visited his wife. This has sparked rumors that he was still romantic with his wife and was having an affair with Claire. This is all just to say; I’m very sure the grief of losing a child was greatly amplified by the feeling of having an unsteady marriage. The questioning of human nature, our relationship with our creator, and the purpose of connection with others, are still to me the major over arching themes of Frankenstein. Reading it a second time through the lens of Mary Shelley’s grief and the experience of my own, gave these themes a new life. It was clear to me her horrifying and heartbreaking inspirations are rooted in her grief. If you read this far thanks for sticking around. I had fun writing my little essay. I’ll be watching the new movie later this evening! submitted by /u/pnutbutterfuck to r/books [link] [comments]

I wanted to make my own T-shirts so one day I decided to draft a basic pattern from an existing T- shirt which I heavily edited to make it fit as I want. I went for a high neckline, probably a tad too high but honestly I like that. I started printing fabric with some designs I made, cutting the printed fabric to the pattern I drafted and sewing all the pieces together! I am thinking about making a V neck version too just to try different styles: do you think that will be a good idea? submitted by /u/i-dont-remember-it to r/crafts [link] [comments]

I wanted to make my own T-shirts so one day I decided to draft a basic pattern from an existing T- shirt which I heavily edited to make it fit as I want. I went for a high neckline, probably a tad too high but honestly I like that. I started printing fabric with some designs I made, cutting the printed fabric to the pattern I drafted and sewing all the pieces together! I am thinking about making a V neck version too just to try different styles: do you think that will be a good idea? submitted by /u/i-dont-remember-it to r/somethingimade [link] [comments]

am not OP. That is u/Brave-Company2867 who posted to r/MarkNarrations TW: entitlement, harassment/bullying, distressing materials, Trespassing, sexual intimidation, and domestic violence Original Post June 24th, 2025 I (33F) bought my home right before the pandemic. The world shut down and I shut into my remote work with the solitude and comfort of a natural introvert. The house was extra large and I only really could afford it because the family selling was in need of a quick sell. The house has a finished attic and basement, which were easily converted into not-so-mini apartments. The basement has its own entry point and also connects into the main house. There are four bedrooms, two baths and the master room has a walk in closet. During the pandemic, my sister both were hit hard and quickly needed to downsize as their own roommates moved back home. My sisters (25F and 27F) and I do not have such a luxury so I offered them rooms at below market rate and told them they needed to supply their own food. The rent was really to help with increase in bills. They were both still in school at the time but also working. This arrangement gave them more breathing room financially. Then, a girl they both knew was evicted from her home with her bf because the family they rented from needed the home back. I offered the basement at near-market rate, though still a little under as I felt bad and it is a basement apartment. After that, a friend of a friend heard about my arrangement and asked if there was any room left. I gave him the attic apartment for another near-market rent. Rental agreements were drafted up for each person. I explained the basic rules, the rent, and how long they would have if rent was not received. I told them to read it and return it to me when signed. I left them each with their own copy. I collect the rent the first Saturday of the month. They leave the name blank on the checks for me to fill out and I always thought it was because they were afraid of misspelling my stupidly unique name and having the check bounce as a result. Apparently not. The issue: I still have one "free" room in the main part of the house but I use it as my office and it locks up. My friend knows my sisters and they got to chatting up while out together, they bumped into each other during a day out. My sisters mentioned the "extra room" and my friend has a cousin (18F) who will be starting college in our city and asked if "my landlord" would rent it out to her. I brushed over the comment because I thought there was miscommunication and told her the room wasn't for rent as I use it for my at home office. She asked if I was paying for the room and I told her, "Why would I pay for a room in a house I own?" She got a little quiet, apologized for pushing and told me the struggle its been to find a spot for her cousin. I told her all of my tenants are solid until December when renewals go out. I can offer her a spot if someone moves but I stressed it was unlikely as everyone gets along, stays out of each others business, and it works well for them. We dropped the topic. A few days ago my sisters asked me how the talk went and I said it was ok, but her cousin won't be moving in. They asked why and I explained to them the situation above. They suggested I move my office to my bedroom or the main room and "stop paying rent for an extra room to save costs". When I asked what they meant, they said "well you do pay rent for the extra space right?" No. I then asked if they knew I was the landlord and they were floored. They never actually read the agreements they have been signing. They went off on me about how I should have told them and that they shouldn't have to be paying rent to family. I told them the rent was to cover their increase in bills. I wasn't going to house them for free when they made enough to cover a fair share on a shared expense. If they would rather full market rent on the rooms they were currently in, I could arrange that come renewal. By now they could afford it with their jobs and having saved money on rent for 5 years. They called me an asshole for holding rent above their heads. This then leaked to the tenants as they talked about the issue to their friends in the basement. While their rent is more than just for bills, it is not the market rent value I could get out of the space despite them each having income and no family to support. They came to me to ask that I LOWER the rent, as if being friends with my sisters was reason enough as I was the landlord and not "somebody they didn't actually know". The deal they had no longer seems in their favor, apparently. I told them they had until December to decide if they wanted a renewal because it was not going to be lowered. They are now acting like I am kicking them out, when all I said was now that they fully understand their position they needed to make a choice to stay as with current costs and annual adjustments as needed as was our agreement or begin the process of looking as rent prices have skyrocketed and its much harder to find a place. The adjustments do not include "knowing I am the landlord". My attic tenant asked if I was "cleaning house" and basically begged I don't kick him out. His family turned their back on him because of....conflicting views. Personally, his views don't bother me. His family's though. Eesh. I explained it all in detail and he was like, wait I always knew you were my landlord because its in the rental agreement. But he also never put my name down because "its hard to spell". Now everyone is upset with me and I feel unwelcomed in my own home. AITA? WIBTA if I didn't renew one or all of their leases because of this hostility I feel? Edit: word Quick Edit since I keep seeing a similar question: Our lives have been a mess of social services and foster care as children, all aging out at 18. I didn't go out of my way to tell them about my buying a house, partly out of guilt, and they came to me for leads on places to live in a time of need. The guilt comes from not taking them in when I had the opportunity at 18. I would have had to jump through massive loops and I did not feel prepared to care for myself, let another a couple of kids I hardly knew since we had been separated often. We reconnected when they aged out and built from there. We also do not share the same last names as we each have different fathers. Update June 27th, 2025 AITA for not telling my roommates and sisters I am the owner? Update Hello everyone. I wanted to thank everybody for taking the time to read my last post and offer up their advice, comments, thoughts, and judgment. I took some of the advice given and have taken the "don't rent to family or friends again" to heart. So I'm going to jump into the update. I'm going to try to break it down bit by bit before going into it all. Mr. Attic - I'm keeping him. I pulled him aside first and separately. I told him I would not be renewing the others' leases in December and asked if he would want to rent the basement for at market value. He turned it down, asking to keep the attic as he is comfortable there. I told him it would probably be in his best interest to let the others believe this is a whole house clean out so he doesn't get caught in the cross fire. He agreed and went out of his way to turn his social media to private. He also sent me screenshots of a group chat he had been added to. The group chat - My sisters and other pair of tenants started up a group chat to bitch about me being so uncompromising and greedy. They were coming up with ideas to not pay rent or to only pay in part. The basement tenants "joked" about one of them "losing" their jobs so they could ask for leniency since I was too "stuck up to be kind" to them about the rent. The harassment - My sisters and Mr/s Basement had told their friends (and the families of Mr/s Basement) about the rent, the "lies", and my "inability to consider outside perspective and need". I've had a steady stream of calls, DMs, texts, and posts directed at me since before I made my last post, which is what prompted me to post. I made my accounts private, disabled some of the messaging functions, and told the four of them to get this to stop before I got my lawyer involved. Spoiler: they didn't. So after taking a night to think about it, I brought the group together to have a discussion about the rent and situation. My sisters looked smug and Mr/s Basement kept sharing knowing looks. I told them bluntly I was not going to renew leases in December because their actions, attitudes, and lack of consideration has made me feel unvalued, humiliated by their family, and unwelcome in my own home. I told them if they found an apartment or place to go before December, I wouldn't charge them for breaking the lease but if there was ANY damage anywhere, they would not get their security deposits back until the pricing out was settled. If there was more damage than their security deposit, they would be taken to court. I told them I was done being kind and understanding to people who thought so lowly of me. I also warned them I could and would break the leases myself if I felt the need, in which case they would have 30 days. It was immediate chaos. A lot of yelling, insults, and cursing. Even Mr. Attic, but he was yelling at the others for "getting him kicked out when he didn't do anything". He made an epic show of storming up to the attic and slamming the door. He sent me laughing emojis and texted that he wasn't going to be able to keep a straight face a little later. I waited for them to stop yelling and when they demanded what they would do, I set a stack of ads for apartments and houses for rent in the nearby area and said they would have to start looking now. I told my sisters I would help pay for their moving truck but told the basement tenants they would have to ask their families for help moving out. Mr. Basement picked up the stack of papers and his eyes went wide. He stared at me and asked if I was fucking serious. I told him the prices listed were not mine to judge, change, or deal with. I reminded him his current place was below market because I had a say in it. Market prices for one bedrooms in the area are well over 1500$ a month, if he wants near his work and close enough to walk to stores and things. He currently has a two bedroom for less than that. My sisters grabbed some of the papers and the 27 year old started crying because she couldn't afford an apartment on her own. She told me about her student loans and credit card debt. I told her, Too bad. I gave you a good deal out of kindness and you sent an army after me. I would have considered letting you stay if you hadn't been so nasty. I told all of them they could probably swing a two bedroom between the four of them and got up and left. They refuse to talk to me now. My sisters spent the night in the basement apartment and I could hear shrieks and crying if I walked by the door that leads down there. I feel a little bad but I reread your comments to keep my sanity. As for if I want them out, I can give them 30 days notice since they are inside my own home. I checked and double checked with the lawyer and this information had been in their rental contracts. If I do have to kick them, and they try to refuse to leave and drag it out in court (which they don't have the money for) I have been given some handy advice by a fellow landlord who had to remove his own brother. I can't remove them by force but I can make "living" there entirely uncomfortable. Nothing stops me from taking doors off hinges or starting remodeling while their stuff is in the way. Nothing stops me from turning off the water or electric for their sections of the house during remodeling. (Quick edit: JUST for remodeling purposes. It wouldn't be done to make them leave. But they can't stop my remodeling as squatters.) It might seem like an asshole thing to do, but they would be the ones to start it and I actually do want to repaint and do some adjustments. The reason I am leaning on evicting them by August is because the harassment has gotten so much worse now that there is an actual non-renewal happening. I'm leaving my phone on silent and collecting messages, voicemails, emails, and other things to hand off to my lawyer next week. I told them to call off their dogs and they haven't. I asked Mr. Attic if he knew anyone who would need a place and to let me know. He has a few friends from his community who seem interested, as they either live with roommates or family and want out. If anyone has any questions this quiet morning, I will try to answer them. Quick Edit: I have cameras outside and in common rooms - facing the front and back doors, the hallways upstairs and the door leading to the basement. The tenants have access to the entry point ones like Mr Attic has the hallway to his area, Mr/s Basement have the feed that leads to their door inside the main house and they all have outside camera access. I'm thinking of cutting access to the outside cameras for them. They can't do anything to the feeds as they are guests in the system (so they can't delete anything) and my access automatically saves on extra external systems. I might just cut them all out of the system except Mr. Attic for piece of mind. Also, I keep seeing people ask about our family. There are no parents and no family from our side. My sisters have no relationships with their fathers or their families, mine had been killed due to his own actions (there is no sympathy for the likes of him) and his family shunned him so they shunned me as well, and our mother is a cup of ash left at the funeral home. Update 2 July 2nd, 2025 AITA for not telling my roommates and sisters I am the owner? Update 2 Hey everyone. I'm very tired. Thank you all for your kind words and wonderful advice. Onto the update. Mr. Attic's friends - Two have agreed to take the bedrooms my sisters are currently occupying when they move out. I've met them, we talked at length, and they are wonderful people. One helped me change the tire on my car because I ended up with a flat just after our meeting and she was incredibly kind and showed me how to change it. Like she walked me through it step by step, letting me do it but just explaining how. I can't believe I've never changed a tire before. Weirdly embarrassing. The harassment and lawyer - The lawyer sent a cease and desist to everyone that had contacted me. Then, he went on and filed for restraining orders/orders of protection and a claim for slander/defamations. There were many posts with me tagged or with my name claiming I was an unfit landlord, a slum lord, a greedy bitch, a homewrecker (because I apparently came onto MR. Basement - haha, so funny because he is fugly and you couldn't pay me to touch that) and more. These things take time but there was an almost immediate drop off of calls, messages, ect. Mr/s Basement - Have been served their notice. They helped spread lies and deception. They have ceased all communication with me but they only have 30 days and I have post it notes on their porch reminding them every day how long they have. I've seen them starting to take smaller things out today, which is what prompted this update. Mrs. Basement can be heard crying a lot if I stand by the top of the stairs. I think they might be moving back in with family, which is what they had been avoiding by moving into my basement. Her mother is toxic, her father has a new wife who hates her, and Mr. Basement's family dislikes her enough to outright ignore her or tell it to her face that she isn't family, especially because she "won't" give her bf a family. Spoiler: she can't have kids due to medical stuff. And they aren't even married. Group chat- I have screenshots of their group chat (curtesy of Mr. Attic) and there is a lot of evidence of them feeding lies to others, talking all about how they told this person this, or that person that. Mr. Basement made the claim I came onto him, and his girlfriend went nuts. I think she doesn't know he lied about it, just to make it more believable to others. When he first made the claim, she blew up my phone and social media before dragging it to others. My sisters "weren't surprised by my behavior". That....stung. I have never done anything like that in the past. My sisters- They also have their notices. The 25 year old is already moving in with a couple of friends who think I am horse shit. They come every so often to help her move things and they send me nasty looks or make loud, intentional comments for me to hear. She has been dumping my food into the trash and dumping it down the sink. I just got a minifridge for my room and she spends night screaming at my locked door. I take my work to a local cafe (rather, multiple ones) or library now because she will just shriek any time she thinks I'm working. I make it vary and don't go to the same place twice in a row. The 27 year old has turned to begging for me to let her stay as she can't afford to live on her own and she has no one willing to take her. Her boy toy (didn't even know she had one) broke up with her when he got the cease and desist from the lawyer. He was one of the ones causing problems but once the lawyer stepped in to bat, he bounced. According to Mr. Attic, he heard her telling someone something along the lines of he could move in if he helped her get me to leave or back down because "its family property". She had been taking a call outside and I caught the proof on camera because he told when and where to look for it. Quick Edit: My sisters are not moving in together because they each blame each other. They also blame the basement tenants while they blame my sisters. They all collectively blame me as well since I'm just pure evil but they think each of them pushed me to do it. Cameras- Only Mr. Attic still has access. The cameras were not part of the rental agreement and everyone lost their damn minds when I took away the access. They tried covering them or adjusting them but I warned them they would be held liable for damage and anything else I could get if they did that again. Now, I get middle fingers and aggressive stances and stares into the cameras. I'm sure I'm missing things. I just can't sleep and I'm swamped with getting them out, with work, and with trying to fill their places, and getting the basement redone before going back on the market. Update 3 July 7th, 2025 AITA for not telling my roommates and sisters I am the owner? Update 3 I really wasn't going to update again so soon. I was planning to wait til move out date or the few days following depending on how it all went but days ago a big thing happened and I just don't know how to feel about it. Also, I wanted to address a few common questions and concerns I got in comments and DMs. (If I haven't answered a DM, I am sorry. I wasn't expecting so many.) Sorry if this is long. Questions first: Is Mr. Attic still putting on his dramatic performance? : Absolutely. He has been bringing in boxes and leaving with boxes. The boxes are full of things he is donating or selling, or just empty. He is using this time as an excuse to declutter and redesign his space. I told him if he wanted to pick out new colors while I am redoing the basement to do it. He complains at my sisters in the kitchen or shared spaces when they try to talk to him about his plans, telling them he wouldn't have to make plans if it wasn't for them. Why not move into the basement and rent the house as a whole (possibly to a family)? : Children freak me out. (Kidding.) I have a pool and them being left unattended to drown is a big worry for me. I let the pool be communal. Children are naturally loud (stomping, slamming things, shrieking or laughing) and don't fully understand the concept of others and how they act infringing on their peace or the quiet. I work from home so I can't have that kind of noise above my head during meetings, or keeping me from sleeping. I also know from past experience that children are more destructive than pets (most times). I don't want crayon or marker on the walls, holes made from throwing toys, broken doors, or other things I've seen kids do during my time in the system. You leave a kid alone for a minute and they find all sorts of trouble. Did I get my restraining orders? : Not yet. I'm still collecting evidence for them. I've been collecting videos of the 25 year old screaming and the layers of harassment they caused. I also am elbows deep in an emergency one now. Call the police on the screaming : I've been advised by my lawyer to collect as many videos as I feel safe enough to do so first. Show a history, show a cause for concern. I will probably call sometime this week if she keeps it up but she has had a reason to stay very quiet. Change the locks when they leave: Every door is getting new locks, even Mr. Attic's. Charge the sisters for coffee and things: They supply their own food. They supply their own needs. My food has been moved into my room, thanks to the minifridge. Be careful they don't run up the bills: My sisters each pay equal parts of each bill in the main house. The tenants are responsible for their water and electric. If they run the bills up, they are responsible for them. The rent covers trash, wifi (no cable), heat. Onto the update. A comment mentioned that the flat tire I had might have been intentional. This left me very uneasy and I went to a friend to have it checked. He confirmed it has been slashed. I let him do a full body look over the car and he found an air tag in the bumper. We haven't figured out where it came from yet- or rather, who. He said that was outside his wheelhouse and I didn't want to keep it with me so I took it to my lawyer, who took it to the cops. I'm waiting to hear back. My 27 year old sister has been incredibly wired since it was taken to the cops, in my opinion. She has been constantly asking where I am going, what I am doing, who I am seeing. She didn't do that before. She has been trying to stalk my social media but I blocked her and a bunch of others. I know this because she keeps asking why I blocked her. She is demanding I unblock her because we are family and there shouldn't be any secrets. She also keeps pestering to know if I found their replacements yet, begging to stay, and demanding I apologize to her ex because I "terrified him with the lawyer". I am looking through my footage but I can't find anyone tampering with my car so I think the air tag was put on while the car was away from the house because whoever did it knew there were cameras facing the cars. The 25 year old started leaving big messes in the kitchen/ common rooms. She would leave dishes out overnight and a few days instead of cleaning up after herself and using the dish washer. She left clothes on the furniture and her muddy shoes in the hallway to trip people at the bottom of the stairs. I took pictures of the messes and reminded her that if I had to clean up her mess when she was gone, it would come out of her security deposit. When she cleaned the dishes, I took them all to my room. I did not supply dishes in the rental contract. Both of them are upset with me because they are back to living on paper plates. Onto the incident: Mr/s Basement do not have keys to the main house. He also didn't have cameras access to the main house except the door that connects the basement and hallway. I came home from my working day, spent at the library, to find Mr. Basement inside the main house. Alone. My sisters were still at work (I worked a half day) and Mr. Attic had left earlier that morning for a weekend get away - but he had told the others he was traveling to see a new apartment the next city over. Immediately on the edge, I called my friend and she stayed on the line while rushing over. I demanded to know what he was doing in the main house and how he got in. I had left after my sisters so I KNOW the house was locked up. He wanted to talk. He refused to answer how he got in. I figured it was a key from my sisters. He kept trying to get me to sit, to step away from the door. Eventually, he started telling me what I already knew about them moving in with family. How her family was terrible, how his family hated her, and he wanted to do anything he could to get an extension so they could focus on getting an actual apartment. When he said "anything he meant Anything" and as he said that, he stepped closer. He started to ramble about how he knew about "the way I looked at him" and he could "give me a good time". He talked about how "she didn't need to know of our time together" and "he knew I was lonely". While its true I have been single longer than I've known him, the single lifestyle has been entirely my own choice. Simply put, childhood trauma. I'm content with how I handle my life. I told him in no uncertain terms that what he was suggesting was exploitative, manipulative and downright disgusting. If he ever caught me staring, it was because of the weird 8 dot tattoo on his shoulder that I could never figure out the meaning behind. I like tattoos, I have a few myself, and I like figuring out the meanings. In no way do I find him attractive or appealing. In fact, he has the kind of red flags I would avoid in a man. I told him besides his looks, there are reasons I would never date him but I refused to list them for him. List (you can skip): He smokes, he vapes, he lights up Mary Jane. He hates animals. He wants a "brood" of children. He gets loud when he is mad, and will curse a person out over little things. He is jealous of others, men specifically. An example: He failed at being a gym bro so now men who work out are "compensating for something". He knows everything. He got angry and told me I "wasn't pretty enough to play hard to get" and that I was "lucky he was willing to help me out and maybe even give me a real reason to have such a big house". I think he was implying children. But as he was getting really nasty about it, my friend pulled up and honked loudly and for a long time. I took that distraction to get out and he followed, yelling about how it was a good deal and how I would regret being "old and alone". Minutes later, the cops rolled up. I hadn't called them, hadn't even thought to. My friend told her boss to as she left to come get me. I explained my side to the police, showed them the inside footage, and told them about his unauthorized access. They took back the key he had and trespassed him from the main part of the house. I forwarded everything to the lawyer and we should have an emergency protection order by tomorrow. I told Mr. Attic everything and he sent a small army from his community to his apartment and let me and them stay up in the apartment the last few days. I think I've been adopted? I had nowhere else to go. I have nowhere else to go. I am my only support. Or, I was. I now have these wonderful people as friends and they are willing to stay as long as Mr. Basement has access to the basement. Even after, if need be. But also, by not leaving I give the appearance I do not have the means to live in a hotel for the remainder of the month. (Who would?) I did the petty thing. I sent the video footage to Mrs. Basement. Its been radio silence from her, but she left me on read. I am shaken deeply from this. I am waiting anxiously to be told I have the emergency protection. But I have lovely people ready to toss him out if he manages to get back inside. I can't change the locks yet and even if I do, I can't guarantee my so-called sisters won't give him another copy. I changed the locks to my rooms and added extra. To be clear: because of the small army, my 25 year old sister hasn't been able to scream at odd hours. Any advice would be so appreciated. Update 4 July 11th, 2025 AITA for not telling my roommates and sisters I am the owner? Update 4 (+ The story of Mr. Attic) Hello everyone. I wanted to again thank everyone for their kind words, support, ideas and help. I cannot tell you how much your words and concern have meant, and how much the support has helped me keep strong and not back down. There have been times when I have wanted to crumble under the weight of all this stress but reading your comments has really helped me hang on. I wanted to update because so many seemed worried in my last post. I'm still here. The protection orders: I have one against Mr. Basement and he is officially not allowed to be on my property or contact me in any way, including through others like Mrs. Basement. I was unable to get one against my 25 year old sister because there hasn't been a threat of violence, even with police documentation of her screaming and the home security footage of her banging on the door. The move out date: July 26th (edited, my bad) Mrs. Basement: At first she tried to tell me she needed his help to pack and move things, and I had to repeatedly tell her he was not allowed on the property for any reason. I made it clear if I even so much as thought he was on the property, I would call the police to investigate. And I have done so. As of last night, Mr. Basement was arrested for ignoring the court ordered protection. He was in the basement helping pack at like 1AM. My new motion detectors in the back yard went off and sent me an alert. He had tried to sneak around the camera he knew was back there. But I have since upgraded and installed new hidden cameras. I was called an asshole for not informing them of the new cameras. Mrs. Basement is convinced I had seduced him and its my fault because I led him on. She yelled at me for trying to "take her man" and called me a lot of nasty things. She told me he only "offered" to do anything because they didn't want to move back in with family. It "was a sacrifice to keep her safe". There's no talking her down from that hill to die on so I have been keeping my distance. She has had a lot of "help" from family now and mostly, if I am home, I hear her family belittling her or her boyfriend's family scolding her. They think its her fault he tried to cheat and her fault they lost the apartment. They are not worried about staying quiet or calm because they are moving out anyway. 25 Year old sister: She only has a few big items left and has been mostlysleeping at her new place since it became apparent that I was going to have a rotating door of people staying with me. If she would try to leave a mess in the kitchen, she was met with judgmental stares. When she tried to take my TV in the living room while I was gone, Mr. Attic and a friend blocked her from leaving and called the cops. Its a newer smart TV. I had given Mr. Attic access to the other cameras until everyone was gone because I was worried for his and his friend's safety. She still curses me out when we manage to cross paths. She tried to cancel my internet and put "return to sender" on some mail that came in my name. The internet company has a special code for each account and she couldn't provide the code so they called me. My mail lady was confused and asked me about the mail, asking if I needed a forwarding address because I was moving. I'm going to get a lock box things for packages now. 27 Year old sister: I don't think she is looking for apartments. She keeps crying to me that she has nowhere to go. She tried to change the lock to her bedroom but I shut that down. I think she will try again. She has been bringing some guy around a lot but refuses to make introductions. He stays in her room mostly, only leaving to use the bathroom or watch her microwave ramen and eggs. He won't look anyone in the face and rolls his eyes when people try to talk to him. I'm worried this will turn into a squatter matter so I am working with my lawyer to have everything ready to remove him as well. Was he the boy toy from earlier?: I have no idea. I didn't know she had one and I don't know what he looked like. When I found out, it was only a name. Since she hasn't made introductions with him, I don't know who he is. Mr. Attic's blown cover: They haven't done much of anything to him since they seem to realize he was feeding me information. They blocked him. We are pretty sure they still think he has to move out too and him giving me stuff was a last ditch effort to stay. They won't even look at him anymore. The story of Mr. Attic (with his approval): Mr. Attic is the youngest of 7 (yes, that is right) kids. There would have 10 had there been proper medical care. His parents are heavily involved with their church and do not believe in a lot of things: modern medicine, birth control, non-traditional gender roles, ect. At this point, I'm pretty sure you can see where this is going. At 16, Mr. Attic was exposed to the outside world for the first time. Up until that point, he had been homeschooled and only knew people from his religious community. He started to sneak out to learn more. By 18, he had his childhood vaccines and a career picked out. When he told his family he wanted to learn medicine they tried to get him to "intern" with their family care people from the church. He perused real medicine and started classes to become a nurse. They were heavily resistant and hard to handle about it, but still talking to him. Mostly to try to force him back into the fold. He still lived at home so it was a constant battlefield. He began sleeping in his car on campus. But then he met a guy and his perspective on a lot more changed. They talked, they laughed, they danced. His family found out and went through the roof. They kicked him out with just the clothes on his back. They burned pictures of him, and any family photo that had him was either destroyed or he was cut out of. They cut him off from all family. They tried to take the car but it was in his name. They harassed and did a lot of terrible things to the guy he had been seeing. He was unable to handle the level of nuclear crazy that was Mr. Attic's family so he put a stop to their relationship. Mr. Attic, alone and desperate because of the upcoming winter, looked everywhere to get a place to stay. He crashed on a lot of couches for evenings at a time because fall hit fast and hard. No one could take him in long term because they were living at home or had roommates. He heard about my place from a friend of a friend and turned up one evening, asking like a small child if there was any room left. He offered to take the garage even, just a bed in the corner. I set him up in the attic and helped get him more clothes and a bed. I made intentional leftovers for the first few months and didn't take any rent until he had what he needed for class and himself. The rent started as just enough to cover his bills and after he got his career, it grew a little more. When I saw him on my porch, in dirty clothes and no jacket in October, I saw myself in January of the year I was shut out of my group home with just a bag of too small clothes, shoes with holes, an old hand-me-down ipad that hardly worked, and 50$ to my name. He told me he never forgot how kind I had been to him, and how kind I had been to let him bring in short term guests who also had nowhere to go until they could get on their feet. I hadn't known the full story when he first moved in, and I never pushed him. When he brought home a non-biological woman (I'm sorry, I don't know all the correct terms) and I didn't even blink, just offered spaghetti, he knew this was his place and I was his people. I didn't ask, didn't make a fuss, and offered some clothes for her. He always wanted to try to repay me but I always seemed to never need anything. He said I was always giving. I didn't see it like that. I've been invited to a cafe and bar. Ones that usually only caters to the LGBTQ+ community, but I am going to go and meet people. He'd like me to meet more of his friends. They really are wonderful people. Update 5 July 15th, 2025 AITA for not telling my roommates and sisters I am the owner? Update 5 I wanted to thank everyone for their kind words regarding Mr. Attic's story. I was honestly a little worried putting it out there like that but am glad I did. His friends have found the posts and have been reading off some of the comments for him. He turns red sometimes and tells them to stop. Someone in the comments had the idea to make "Team Attic" shirts and his one friend came by the cafe this morning with them. We were all wearing them when he came by before work and he laughed so hard he cried. And then he really cried. I felt bad but he told me he wasn't upset - he was just so warmed by all the kindness, grace, and wonderful vibes from the people reading my posts. He feels like he has a second community at his back now. This update isn't much: just the good, the bad, and the ugly. I really can't believe this is update 5 already. The good: I have been to the cafe twice now and both times have been charming, enlightening, and wonderful. I cannot stress how kind his friends and community are. They have spent their time teaching me, helping me navigate their terminology and have been so very patient with my relentless questions. (The food is kickass and they made me a pumpkin something that I could die for) The bad: I had the 27 year old's "friend" removed by police after he refused to leave of his own accord. He hit the number of days he was allowed to stay in the lease agreement and another handful of days would make him a tenant/squatter. I think they thought I didn't know that law or had forgotten or would be cool with him hanging around. (I did call him by the boy toy's name and he answered before immediately going back to her room.) So I think she was trying to get him to stay like their plan had originally been. He had a few bags of items and a laundry basket of clothes. He is well aware that I will call the police again if he shows up. She has not packed up a single thing. The ugly x3: My 25 year old sister is trying to sue me for "withholding inheritance". I don't know if she has a real lawyer, if its a cracker doing pro bono, or if its just an attempt to scare me into giving her money. I'm taking it to my lawyer in the next few days. Edit: I think she means my house. I never received anything from my parents - and my dad is not her dad so even if I had, she might not have been entitled to it. The police have not yet told me anything about the tracker found in my car. Mrs. Basement is trying to hide a bruise with some shoddy make up and big sunglasses. I can't say I know what caused the bruise, but I think we all have similar thoughts on the matter. She immediately goes inside anytime she sees me. Like, girl, I see you. Not a super big update or moving forward, but it feels nice to be able to type it all out. I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts submitted by /u/secure-raspberry-763 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Helpful_Listen_1765 Originally posted to r/AITAH Previous BoRUs: 1, 2, 3 [New Update]: WIBTA for telling my wife to show me her phone after I got an email accusing her of cheating? NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Editor’s note: removed older relevant comments for more space in this BoRU with the latest update Trigger Warnings: infidelity, child abandonment Mood Spoilers: depressing and frustrating RECAP Original Post: October 8, 2024 I (M47) have a comfortable and fulfilling life. I have a job I truly enjoy, I live in a nice suburb, and and am blessed with three wonderful children (M8, F6, F4) and a lovely wife, Emily (45). I've always felt Emily and I were an ideal match. However, a recent email I received has deeply unsettled me and planted a seed of doubt in my mind. Emily lived in the UK between 2010 and 2015, during which time she pursued a PhD. Because she lived there so long, she developed many close friendships and has made it a point to return every couple of years to maintain those ties. This past August, she travelled to the UK for three weeks to attend the wedding of one of her close friends. After some consideration, we agreed that it would be best for me and the children to remain at home, as I could not take that much time away from work, and the children were unlikely to find much enjoyment in such an event. Emily departed, returned as expected, and life returned to normal for us. Last week, I received an email on my work email address. It was supposedly from the wife of Emily's friend—I'll call him Jake (M44). According to this woman, she has a very strong reason to suspect that Jake and Emily engaged in an affair. She listed off her suspicions, noting Jake had picked Emily up from the airport, spent considerable time at her hotel, and how the two of them frequently went out to dinner alone. She even included pictures of my wife's earrings that she said she found in Jake's pockets when she was doing the laundry and pictures of a lipstick stain on his shirt. The colour is one I recognize as something Emily often wears. There is some other evidence she listed off, for the sake of conciseness I will not include them here. All this was a lot to absorb, and for a while, I thought it was some sort of joke, so I tried my best to ignore it, but it kept coming back into my mind. I remember that before her trip, my wife would talk to all her friends there. I don't know if this email is influencing my memory, but I think she probably spoke with Jake the most. Additionally, I know Emily never liked Jake’s wife, though I can't say why. I've never pried into Emily's phone or social media accounts before, but I feel very tempted to now. However, I know I'd feel terrible if I looked and found nothing. Also, if I start acting suspicious, wouldn't she just delete everything out of fear of being found out? I am unsure of how to move forward and would welcome any guidance on handling this. The best I can currently come up with is asking to see her phone immediately after confronting her about it so as to not give her know time to delete anything, though part of me thinks this would upset her and potentially not even show anything. WIBTA for telling my wife to show me her phone after I got an email accusing her of cheating? Edit - I forgot to include, my wife no longer has these earrings. She wasn't wearing them when she returned and when I asked, she said she lost them. AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA   Update #1: October 18, 2024 (10 days later) A few hours after sharing my first post, I confronted Emily; she confirmed my fears. She claims she’s in love with Jake and can’t live a lie any longer. She still claims to love me and the kids but says she can’t stay with us any longer. According to her, she was waiting for a "better time" to tell me and the children. Apparently, this has been going on since March, with Jake flying out here occasionally and Emily secretly meeting him. We’re getting divorced. Emily is moving to the UK soon. She confirmed that in August, in addition to the wedding, she attended a job interview, and she’s set to start around the new year. She’s already applied for a British Visa. She plans to live with Jake once she moves. As for custody, Emily is voluntarily surrendering her chance of full custody. She doesn’t want to uproot the kids, so they’ll stay here in Canada with me. There’s a part of me that appreciates that decision, but there’s also the part that is astonished at how easily she’s walking away. She wants to pay child support, but I’d rather raise my children without her financial influence. That said, the court will likely insist on support, regardless of my feelings. Emily is also seeking structured visitation rights, which, given the circumstances, will likely be granted. Based on what I’ve been told, the court generally leans toward arrangements that allow both parents to maintain relationships with the children, even when one is relocating to a different country. The lawyers are still working out the details, but it seems she’ll have visitation during school breaks and holidays, with the possibility of virtual calls in between. I’ve been keeping things as amicable as possible, and the more cooperative I am, the more Emily seems to agree with my demands. We are also discussing the future of our home. Emily has expressed a desire to sell the property and divide the proceeds. While I am reluctant to part with the family home, it is unlikely I have much of a choice since it was bought during our marriage. For now, our lawyers are still working through the details, and no final decisions have been made. Given the situation, it could be a good while before we reach a resolution. In the meantime, I’ve been advised not to make any major financial moves. As much as I want to stay here with the children, I know selling is most likely inevitable. As of this writing, Emily is in an airbnb and Jake has flown here to stay with her. They plan on travelling to the UK at some point in the near future. My lawyer tells me that adultery isn't grounds for special treatment when it comes to custody or property division. Therefore, it won’t influence how assets are divided unless marital funds are directly involved. Emily likely used money from her personal account. Unless it can be proven she used our joint finances to fund the affair, it’s unlikely this will make any difference in court. I have been in regular communication with Jake’s soon-to-be ex-wife, Eleanor, primarily through email, and more recently, we’ve spoken over the phone a few times. Eleanor apologized, saying she felt guilty for telling me about the affair and worried that if she hadn’t, maybe my marriage could have been salvaged. I reassured her that, for me, the gravity of the situation made divorce inevitable, and I'd rather not remain in the dark about something of this significance. She even sent me messages and other evidence of their relationship, but since Emily is openly admitting to the affair, it doesn't really matter in the context of the law. Eleanor has also told me a lot about Jake—apparently, this is the third time he’s cheated on her, and she’s had enough. There’s no chance of reconciliation this time, she says, and he doesn’t seem interested in trying. She mentioned that Jake has zero desire to raise children who are not biologically his, which explains why Emily’s not fighting for custody. Eleanor's divorce will most likely be much longer and more drawn out than mine given that both her and Jake want full custody of their children, and can't agree on several other issues. I haven’t had much time to process everything. These past two weeks have felt like a blur in every way. But one thing I can say with certainty is that I have nothing left for Emily. Not because she betrayed our marriage, but because of how easily she's walking away from our children. I never thought I could hate someone I once loved so much, it's a strange feeling. The hardest part in all of this is the children. My two youngest daughters have started asking why their mother isn’t around as much anymore, and it’s been very difficult trying to communicate with them about the nature of the situation. My eldest seems to understand a little more and, as a result, he has become quiet and withdrawn. I'm fortunate to have a family that has been incredibly supportive so far. My children have received numerous thoughtful letters from some of their cousins, which I've been reading to them each night. All my siblings have also sent gifts for the kids, and one of my brothers, along with his wife, drove up to visit over the past weekend. My sister-in-law even prepared plenty of food, some of which is still in the freezer. They also kept the children entertained while I met with my lawyer. My other siblings have also offered to come by and look after the kids whenever I need them. Beyond that, my parents have been calling daily to check in on us, and my 78-year-old mother has already made plans to stay with us for two weeks in November to help around the house. The collective effort of my family has made this experience much more bearable, and I’m deeply grateful for all their support. To everyone who encouraged me to speak with Emily after my last post, I’m grateful. I was tempted to ignore Eleanor’s message, but it kept gnawing at me. Your advice gave me the courage to act. Emily has shown herself to be a liar, and I have no doubt that her idea of a 'better time' was simply when it would cause the least inconvenience for her and Jake.   Update #2: November 13, 2024 (almost one month later) Think of this less as an update and more as a chance to vent a few things now that I’ve had more time to process my situation. I know that Emily often travelled back and forth to the UK during our marriage. She claims her affair with Jake only began in March 2024, but I’m convinced she’s lying. It’s almost certain that this has been going on for years. Given how much she had already prepared by the time I confronted her, it’s become clear to me and everyone else that she had been planning this for some time. In fact, within a few short days of our confrontation, she already had certain legal documents prepared. Additionally, Jake arriving in Canada shortly after I confronted Emily, made it clear that they had planned for her to tell me roughly around this date in advance. It makes sense that Emily was well prepared and was just waiting for things to be better lined up for herself. After all, she’d long since applied for her visa, secured a job, secretly appraised her car (our family car, though it was under her name), and sent personal items with Jake to the UK during his secret visits, all right under my oblivious nose. I have a feeling I’m only scratching the surface and have no real idea of how far this actually goes, not that Emily would ever tell me its depth. In addition to all of this, Emily had already been in touch with her lawyer long before I confronted her. Taking all this into account, it’s hard not to wonder if she secured her job even earlier than she let on, perhaps to make her actions seem less calculated. Two of Emily’s friends have since reached out to express shock and disappointment by her actions. One of them, Janet, mentioned that according to another friend, Emily had been consulting her divorce lawyer as far back as late August or early September, and this other friend also confirmed my suspicion that Emily had been sending some of her belongings to the UK during Jake’s visits. I’ve been losing sleep, replaying the past few months in my mind, maybe driving myself a little crazy, but certain things stand out. For example, when Emily went to the UK in August for the wedding, she was carrying three fully loaded suitcases. She told me that they were filled with presents for her friends and I didn't question it, even though it seemed a bit excessive at the time. When I picked her up from the airport after her trip, I noticed the bags were suspiciously light. I can assume that in addition to the job interview she claimed to attend, she transported a bunch of her personal items to the UK which would explain why since her return, she seemed to have been wearing a smaller selection of her clothing. Despite this, I was somehow blindsided, and I completely blame myself. Looking back, I can see there were signs I ignored, and I guess I didn't think Emily was capable of this sort of thing. A part of me wonders if this outcome could have been avoided entirely had I been more assertive and vigilant in the past. The worst part of all is that my children are now dealing with the consequences of my ignorance and stupidity. While I twiddled my thumbs, my wife had essentially started a new life. Most people in my life now know about my separation from Emily. I’ve stopped wearing my wedding band, and I’ve explained the situation to friends and colleagues who noticed its absence. One of my close friends, and many others who reached out privately on Reddit, have suggested I get DNA tests for the children, given Emily’s travel patterns and tendency to lie. While I understand where they are coming from, this is something I'll never do. I'd never assign my children to another man. Nothing will change that. Life without Emily has thus far been difficult. Mornings have become a hectic rush; between getting the kids ready and getting myself out the door, I’m barely on time for work for nearly half the week. It’s frankly exhausting trying to keep up with all the extra parenting duties I have to perform throughout the day. Our current home has a large driveway, so on top of everything else, I’m already dreading the task of shovelling it once the snow starts falling. The kids are feeling the strain, as well. They don't particularly like the food I prepare most days and they hate how I’m always busy. It's incredibly frustrating to know that while we’re here struggling, Emily recently departed for a relaxing vacation through Europe with Jake. Communication between us has dwindled, and I only learned of these developments recently. I have no idea if she plans to return to Canada after her vacation or settle directly into what will likely be a very comfortable life in the UK. On a more positive note, I was able to get the kids to see their doctor recently. She gave me a bunch of useful resources and advice. She placed an emphasis on how time and clear communication were the most important factors for their adjustment. While I’m optimistic, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried. It’s still early, I know, but they remain quite upset about the entire ordeal and act out regularly as a result. It is abundantly clear that they’re having a hard time adjusting to our new reality. Throughout all of this, my family has been a tremendous support. My mother arrived as promised early last week, and things have already become significantly easier. The kids enjoy her cooking and spending time with her. Her presence has also freed me to handle other tasks. Whenever the divorce is finalized, I plan to designate my eldest brother and sister-in-law as legal guardians for the children. They live relatively nearby and have already agreed to take on that role if needed, which brings me some peace of mind. However, I highly doubt this will be any time soon given my much busier schedule and Emily dragging her feet before travelling, the whole process has slowed to a snail's pace. One of the hardest aspects of all this has been making decisions about our family home. After considerable thought and speaking it over many times with my family, I'm leaning towards selling at this stage. Emily has already offered me a bit more than half of the proceeds since she sold our SUV right before leaving the country. My lawyer has noted that selling the SUV before we finalized anything was premature on her part, considering I contributed significantly (40%) to the purchase. He thinks I have strong grounds to seek reimbursement elsewhere in our asset division, which aligns with Emily offering more of the house. Getting more than half seems fair, given that I contributed about 65–70% of the down payment and monthly mortgage payments. As I mentioned above, the family SUV was registered in only her name. However, I covered about 40% of its cost, so it’s frustrating she sold it unilaterally. As I've learned over the past several weeks, my sedan is too snug for the kids and inconvenient for my mother to duck in and out of when she runs errands. Therefore, I’ll need to trade it for something larger. In return, Emily has 'graciously' insisted I keep the furniture and appliances, least she can do, I suppose. As much as part of me would like to stay in our current home, it’s probably better for us to move. Part of me hopes this will help us avoid future interference from Emily, though, in reality, she’s just as likely to interfere no matter where we are. I’ve been looking at townhouses closer to my place of work, which would cut down my commute and place us near a well-rated school. However, my sisters brought up that moving the kids now would mean changing schools and losing their friends, which would be yet another big change for them. An alternative option is that we move to a smaller, more manageable house close to our current one. This would reduce my workload and allow the kids to stay at the same school. Regardless of which option we choose, the idea of a new home without Emily’s memory is appealing. Our current home's location is yet another example of how foolish and short-sighted I've been. Its location was much more convenient for Emily's commute compared to my own. It worked out for a time as the children's school was close to Emily's work in case they needed her during the day, but now all of this is useless as my place of work is rather far. I’ve heard nothing from Emily’s family, and frankly, I have no interest in reaching out. As for Emily’s future with Jake, I don’t wish her relationship to fail; the longer her life is stable, the less likely she’ll disrupt ours. But I take solace in knowing she remains unaware of Jake’s infidelity history. I don’t feel any moral obligation to warn her about Jake's character, and Eleanor feels the same way. I’ve made a point to check in on Eleanor regularly. She doesn’t have the same family support I do. Her immediate family is charmed by Jake’s ample wealth and believes that she should do whatever it takes to keep him, even though it is clear that neither he nor Eleanor wants reconciliation.   Addressing Questions and Concerns: December 13, 2024 (one month later) Hello, The main purpose of this post is to clarify a few things that have come up in my personal messages. I appreciate the concern and will use this opportunity to address many of these points at once. First, I’m still very much adjusting. I’ve accepted the situation, though I still feel bitter about it now and then. I’m adapting, and while some days are worse than others, I’m managing. All in all, my situation doesn't feel as overwhelming anymore. The kids are still adjusting. They’re resilient, but they've been dealing with a lot. I’m considering enrolling them in a program designed to support children of divorced parents. I just need to find the time to properly research it once my work calms down a bit. On the topic of household dynamics, some people who have been messaging me seem to think that Emily was "overburdened" with chores and that somehow justified her decisions. To remove any misunderstandings, before everything fell apart, the split on household chores hovered around 60/40, with her handling the larger portion. In contrast, living expenses were covered roughly 75% by me and 25% by her. Not to mention, Emily took far more solo vacations than I did (and I guess we all now know how those went). Also, yes, I know how to cook. I’ve always been a health-conscious person, which meant the kids often preferred the way Emily prepared meals. Despite the many private messages suggesting otherwise, I still have no intention of DNA testing my children. Emily has settled into an apartment owned by Jake. I’m not sure if I mentioned this before, but apparently, Jake owns an apartment in the city to avoid commuting during the week. According to Eleanor, he’d stay there and go back to his house on weekends to be with her and the children. Since his most recent affair has come to light, he's been living there full-time and only comes to the house to see his children. Eleanor also mentioned the apartment is the same place where he carried out his previous affairs, which is fitting I guess. In other news, I finally replaced my sedan with a larger car. I spent much, much more than I probably should have, but it’s been one of the few things bringing me joy lately. Lastly, many people have been messaging me to suggest that I have some sort of moral obligation to warn Emily about Jake's previous infidelity and the chance he may cheat on her. I don't think this is my responsibility. Maybe Emily already knows and just doesn't care. Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: Glad you got the car sorted. Get those kids settled for Christmas ( make it a big one a no work phone/ email one) also get all your family involved. If you want to be petty allocate a time to your ex to call the kids on Christmas Day that takes absolutely no account of the time difference. You’re doing well mate. Handling it like a pro. Get this locked down tight so you can heal and start to live your life. Burn her with stories of a family life well lived. At least we now know what AP was trading his kids for. Bet he wants to stop his ex from making him sell the flat and access to his family wealth. OOP: Thanks for the suggestions We have plans to spend time with family during the holidays, and I'm sure the kids will appreciate it. Commenter 2: You sound smart enough to already know this, but I'm going to say it anyway... PLEASE don't take her back when their relationship ends. I can already hear her, "I didn't know what I had til it was gone", "We can have an open phone policy" (which is a dumb one because burners are dirt cheap), "I've never loved anyone as much as I loved you", "We can go to counseling"... Going off of your posts, you're a damn good dad, and you deserve the best for yourself and the kids! OOP: Thanks for the advice, I have no intention of getting involved with her beyond co-parenting. I doubt she'd want to come back either considering how much she seems to be enjoying her new life Commenter 3: Thanks for the update. I feel it is always necessary to tell the innocent betrayed spouse that their mate is cheating. In this case Emily already knows Jake is a liar and a cheater becuase of his infidelity with her. It's not necessary to tell her anything. It's expected that he will cheat again. He's a serial cheater. Not your problem. Its her problem for trying to enter into a legitimate relationship with a cheater. She'll found out soon enough. Dont say a word. Commenter 4: Keep your head up and find joy wherever you can. Do what you need to build yourself and the littles up, and you all will be better prepared in case Emily comes out of the fog and tries to become your problem.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Editor’s note: the latest update is over one month old, and hasn’t been posted here in the sub Update: February 22, 2025 (two months after the last update) I've decided to make a quick update as many people have been asking how the children and I have been faring. I apologize for not being able to do this sooner as my current schedule does not allow much free time. So far, things are a bit better. Life has become easier since I hired a nanny to help around the house and with the children. With her handling a sizable portion of the weekly chores, I’ve been able to focus more on work. I do enjoy my job, but lately, I’ve been putting in longer hours to keep our finances in check. Between legal fees, the nanny’s salary, and a car I probably spent too much on, my expenses have been adding up fast. The longer hours mean I see less of the kids, but I tell myself it’s temporary. I try to make time for them on the weekends I'm not working, but even that’s been difficult. They’re adjusting slowly, though I know it’ll be a long time before things feel even relatively normal if they ever do. I’m still figuring out where we’ll live long-term. At this stage, the house will almost certainly be sold, and I want a place for myself and the kids that has no connection to Emily. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been speaking with Eleanore less and less. Part of it is my schedule, but mostly, I just don’t see the point. Talking to her only reminds me of how good I had it before. The most important and annoying reason however, is that Eleanore has decided to remain with Jake. She claims that he respects her (somehow) and has shown commitment to their family despite still being with Emily. According to her, he has demonstrated this commitment by prioritizing their children over his new relationship and by respecting her space. It is jarring, considering how just a few months ago, she was adamant about going through with the divorce, yet now, she’s cancelled these plans entirely. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t be surprised. By her own admission, this isn’t Jake’s first affair, and she’s always forgiven him in the past. Emily still lives in an apartment Jake owns, while Eleanore remains in the family home with their children. Jake splits his time between the two, staying at the apartment during the week and coming home on weekends and sporadic weeknights. At the very least, Eleanore has made it clear that Emily isn’t allowed in the family home, and Jake seems to respect that. Emily rarely calls the kids during the week, and when she does, the conversations are brief and she tends to whisper a lot. Since these calls take place rather late in her time zone, I imagine she doesn't want to disrupt Jake's sleep. On weekends, when Jake is with his own family, Emily makes more of an effort to talk to the children, however. These calls haven't been particularly long either, as I have felt they shouldn't interrupt the time I planned with the children. All of this is still very much a work in progress, which hopefully will get easier as time goes on. While a part of me is still shocked by how things turned out, I think I have largely woken up to this new reality.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/PsychFactor, originally posted to r/offmychest I think my husband fathered his best friend's children, and now one of them is attracted to my daughter. [Part 2] Trigger Warnings: infidelity, destruction of property, deception, emotional abuse and manipulation, incest Editor’s Note: please note this post hasn’t been posted before onto the BoRU subreddit so it’s necessary to split this into multiple parts due to the lengths of OOP’s original posts. If there is a new update, I will create TL;DRs for the older posts in newer BoRUs Continuing from Part 1   Update #3: Sept. 8, 2024 First, a few points to answer from the comments. I don’t have any DNA test results back yet. That can take weeks. But now that I know Sophie is in no danger of dating a relative, the pressure is off. I’ll get into this momentarily, but, it frankly no longer matters if Luke fathered the children. I highly, highly doubt my father-in-law is having an affair with Amy. At worst, he might know (or even just suspect) the truth about Amy and Luke. But it’s also possible that he just refuses to believe they would do such a thing. I’ve been vague about details for privacy, but to put it very simply, Jim and Amy are both pretty white. Cat and Luke are not. Had Jim fathered Amy’s babies, they would look different than they do. Nevertheless, I do have an update. While a stream of comments have called me spineless and naive, called me a “sister wife” (as an ex Mormon, that hits a particular nerve) and most recently, a stream of comments have said my story is fake (fair enough, it’s the internet, but Luke is not the first scumbag husband to have two families.) Several other comments have been incredibly kind and supportive and I really appreciate that. Apologies if I haven’t responded to a comment or direct message that you sent. I covered as many as I could but I was literally getting hundreds, so I definitely missed several of them. First thing’s first. I discussed this in the comments, but our little “team” has (supposedly) recruited my mother in law. I say “supposedly” because Sophie and Tom were going to talk to her about getting help with submitting the DNA test and, at the advice of my lawyer, I am staying out of the process. Officially, I told Sophie not to do it, and she said she wouldn’t. MIL hasn’t contacted me about it either. (Though we have been in touch, I’ll get into that more in a moment.) The bottom line is that I can honestly say I had no knowledge of any DNA test. Loophole city. Another bit of good news. I was digging through the paperwork in preparation for my divorce, wanting to get a head start against Luke, and one thing that came to my attention is that my name is on the paperwork for our home. Luke’s name is not. I was the one who bought the house and we always planned to add Luke onto the paperwork at some point, but we never got around to it and eventually the idea was forgotten. It was my lawyer, “Paige” who pointed this out to me, and it was like finding a winning lottery ticket on the ground. I don’t know where I’d be without Paige. She’s a dear friend from college who I reached out to, hat in hand, for help. She’s been there for me this past week not just as legal counsel but as a friend I really needed right now. The thing is, she’s not “our” lawyer, me and Luke. We have our own “family” attorney who has helped us out of jams in the past (we clashed with our HOA a few years ago, not worth getting into right now) but Paige is a lawyer who specializes in family law and has handled divorces before. Luke remembers her from college and knows she went into law but doesn’t know she’s a divorce attorney. So I can have her over for coffee like we’re “catching up” and he has no idea anything is going on. Turns out, he’s not the only one who can harbor someone under his spouse’s nose under the guise of being a “friend.” So. Onto the update… The last time I looked in Luke’s phone was three months ago, around the point Sophie and Tom began to go around claiming they wanted to date. I found nothing. While I know how to search for recently deleted photos and didn’t see any, my comments taught me how to find recently deleted messages. So, when Luke was asleep, I did just that. Swiped his phone and brought it downstairs, checked recently deleted. I am glad I did but I also wish I had not, because I’m still reeling from the pain. Sure enough, a conversation with Amy had been deleted. Recent texts talking about the conflict between her and me, with Amy describing me as a “problem” and Luke trying to pacify her - without defending me at all, to be clear. They both alluded to how they had “expected” this for a while and just hoped it would never happen - presumably me accusing them of having an affair. While the whole conversation and the fact that it was deleted was sketchy, nothing was actually admitted. So I scrolled a bit higher, to a few days before the fight. Amy’s messages got a bit more flirty. Then. I saw it. Five days before I confronted them, Amy had sent Luke a topless pic. A selfie with no shirt or bra. Guys, I teared up. I knew it was true, I knew it in my bones, but seeing the proof still cut me like a hot knife. (Doesn’t help that Amy’s always had bigger breasts than me.) I exited the messages app and checked Luke’s recently deleted photos. Sure enough, the same selfie was there, and others. Amy topless, Amy naked, in various poses to show off. There were pictures of the two of them together, cuddled and pressed close like a couple. In some of these, she was naked. In some, they both were. There were videos. Amy sent Luke a video message of herself topless, and I had to actually hear her voice talking to him in a tone that made me sick, about how she was sending him a quick video to “help him get through the day.” In more than one video, she called him her “boo” and, hearing her call him that, I almost vomited. Stopped looking at that point, I’d seen enough. For about five minutes anyway, then a strange compulsion to keep searching led me to check Luke’s laptop. I knew enough of his passcodes to access his iCloud storage and…yeah, basically more of the same. There were letters, long letters between them. I didn’t have the heart to read past the first few lines of one of them, but I did read Luke mention “our children.” There were countless naked/topless selfies of Amy. Selfies of them together. Videos where Amy appeared to be masturbating. There were sex tapes. Of the two of them. Tom had previously offered to try and hide a camera in Amy’s room, but fuck, he never needed to. Luke was hiding a whole treasure trove under my nose all along. I scrolled, and scrolled, and scrolled. There were so many. Going back years. Not all of it was even sexual. There were some photos of Amy’s kids, too. One video was of Kaylee and the twins playing together when they were younger, and Luke and Amy’s voices from behind the camera. There were even old pictures of Luke and Amy from when they were younger. I’d even say teenagers. I snapped. All these years, I had been telling myself I had to be wrong, that it couldn’t be true. Well, it was true. I know that no one forced me to look at as much of the evidence as I did, but I’m still hurting very badly from having seen it and in that moment, I wanted to act, so I did. I called my lawyer, who is a remarkable woman. It was the middle of the night, so I had to call her twice, and she picked up. Though I had woken her, when I asked her to come by and said it was an emergency, she agreed. I also asked her to draw up the paperwork and have it ready. She told me that she’d already had it ready since I first reached out to her. As I waited for her, I went through the necessary channels on Luke’s laptop to make sure he wouldn’t be able to remotely disconnect our access to his little stash, changing passwords and all that. My lawyer (Let’s call her “Paige”) arrived, and I went outside to greet her in the car. Spent a good half hour in the passenger seat just crying, and she was great about that, before I passed her Luke’s phone and his laptop, with all the information she needed to use them. She warned me that this could be considered theft. So I asked her to forward and print out copies of everything she could and then bring the items back, because I just couldn’t bear to do it myself. She agreed. I went back inside, and then, I packed up Luke’s things while the house slept. At one point Owen got up to use the bathroom and asked me what I was doing, but I told him I was just cleaning. Luke stirred once or twice while I was in the bedroom but did not wake. I got all of his things packed into trash bags and I loaded up the car. That’s when I woke him up, and told him to come outside. He was confused and half asleep, but he did notice things were missing. I ignored his questions and just told him to come with me. So he followed me outside. Once we were by the car, I pulled out the divorce papers and officially handed them to him. That was about when he figured out what I was doing, and he tried to talk me out of it. Tried to be sweet with me, to be tender. He kept insisting that he loved me and that there had never been anything with Amy. Kept trying to persuade me not to tear our family apart. Even two weeks ago, I might have wilted under him because the manipulation and gaslighting were truly masterclass, but I can see through it now. I didn’t tell him that I knew he was full of shit, I didn’t tell him what I had seen, I just told him we were finished. He tried a different approach. He refused to go. Stated firmly that our children were his too, and that even if we were separating, I had no right to just decide the kids would stay with me over him. This was where I very coldly presented the paperwork reminding him that the house is in my name, and told him under no circumstances would my kids be staying with Amy. He argued a while longer, but in the end he decided to be the “bigger person” and “keep the peace.”At that moment I didn’t care where he went. Before he left, he did ask about his phone and laptop, and I waved him off by saying they were in one of the bags. Bought a little time. I couldn’t sleep for the rest of that night. I cried more. Eventually I realized I’d have to wake my children up early and explain to the extent that I could. Naturally, I woke Sophie first. I told her that I had kicked her father out, and that I had discovered evidence of an affair on his devices. I did not specify what kind of evidence and she did not ask. I woke up the others and gently told them that their Dad had gone to stay somewhere else for a while. That I wasn’t sure where, but from now on things were going to be different. Louise was the one to ask if we were getting divorced, and I couldn’t lie to her. I told her yes. Owen asked when they could see their father again and I wanted to cry. Sophie was a very big help, urging her siblings to be sympathetic to me right now and worry about Dad later. I knew better than to “poison” them against their father (Paige warned me against doing that as well) so I only told Sophie that the affair was confirmed since she had already been in the know. However, as the kids were getting ready for school, Owen approached me and asked me point blank if it was about Amy. If Luke was going to be with her instead of me. I couldn’t answer, but I suppose that’s an answer on its own. Got the kids to school, and my next step was calling to have the locks changed. I knew Luke would be back for his devices before long, but thankfully Paige returned with them before he showed up again. It was a very quick visit. She just told me that all was accomplished, and she had records of everything we would need in court. Sure enough, Luke turned up an hour later demanding to know where his laptop and phone were. I had set them back in our bedroom like they had never moved, and I just told him he had forgotten them. He insisted that I had said they were in one of the bags, so I just shrugged him off and told him I “must have been mistaken.” After he grabbed them, he tried again to reason with me, but I just showed him the door. I knew the kids would start to come home from school before long and I think he was trying to delay leaving so he could see them. I was not having it. I started shouting again and sent him on his way. I’m still just in absolute pain and despair for what I saw. I don’t know if he’ll realize that anyone went through his devices and made copies of the evidence, or if he suspects I saw anything, but he obviously didn’t say so. After he left, I cried once again. Talked to my mother in law that night. Apparently Luke did show up to his parents’ house, which was a surprise, as I was so certain he’d stay with Amy. But maybe even he knows how suspicious that would look to the children and doesn’t want to rock the boat as much. Maybe he knows I’m more likely to let my children see their grandmother than Amy at this point, and he wants to see them to give his version of events. That is not happening. Cat already shared his version with me, that he relayed to her and Jim. That I’m having some kind of mental breakdown, that he wishes he could help me, but my paranoia is causing me to lash out and turn violent. (I was never violent. I shoved him away when he tried to hold me, that is all.) And what’s so hilarious is that he didn’t mention Amy at ALL to his parents. He didn’t even frame it as me “falsely” believing he was having an affair. Even though that’s his story when talking to ME, he left Amy out of it when talking to his parents. Cat noticed that. She believes me. Jim doesn’t know what to believe anymore. According to Cat, he seemed very, very troubled by what he heard from all sides. As for Amy, she’s radio silent. Tom has told Sophie that she’s acting like nothing is wrong but is clearly stressed out. That when her children ask, she makes the same sort of claims. That I am having some kind of emotional, nervous breakdown, and pushing her away, as well as Luke. She doesn’t mention anything about my accusing them of an affair, but still puts it all on me. Amy has not reached out to talk to me directly, and I have not tried talking to her since our big argument. I haven’t really told my kids anything, just that I’m having disagreements with Luke and Amy - though I was very clear that it is NOT a question of my mental health. Honestly, I think they all kind of know what’s going on. Sophie continues to be my rock, as I try to be for her and the others, and Tom continues to be our spy in the ranks. Right now, my biggest regret is the stress that all of this is causing on the children, which I knew it would, but it still needed to be done. My life has fallen apart. But it was never my life.   Update #4: Sept. 12, 2024 (6 days later) In my last post, there were a number of criticisms toward Paige. (You guys will like this update as it turns out, you weren’t the only ones who had a problem with her.) As far as the deed being in my name, it’s not an absolute hook, line, and sinker, but Paige is convinced that between that and my having been the one paying the mortgage, I stand a very good chance. It could be interpreted as a common marital property, but I’m going for primary custody with supervised visits anyway. I’m playing hardball. People also questioned whether I should still be posting these, but so long as it’s all anonymous, I am in the clear. Doesn't even matter if someone who knows me could figure out I posted this. I didn’t use any real names, or reveal my location, or anything like that. As for the laptop, even Paige admitted that was questionable, but technically I gave permission and she was only doing what I could have easily done on my own. I just really didn’t want to go through all of that content. As far as the divorce papers, Paige had them filled out after the very first time I contacted her. My ‘serving’ them to Luke was ceremonial, she still contacted him later to “officially” serve him and request his lawyer’s details. But before he could respond, I had already done something a little sneaky. I reached out to our “family” attorney, the one who has always been on call to represent me and Luke during our marriage. (He helped us out of a jam with the HOA a while back.) I’ll call him “Zack.” Now, contrary to some of the comments’ suggestions, I cannot just go around town consulting with every lawyer in the area, with the explicit purpose of locking my husband out of hiring them. That is bad faith and judges don’t look too kindly on it. However, this was Zack. He had been my attorney (and Luke’s) for years. I feel like I had just as much right to him as Luke did. And I got there first. So I was able to nail down our family’s lawyer. Met with both him and Paige, and boy howdy, do they not like each other. Zach brought up some of the same problems as some of my comments. He argued that Paige’s activity was in the “gray” area and urged me to hire him to represent me in the divorce instead. That caused a bit of conflict as Paige is explicitly a “family” attorney and this is her specialization. So I’m going to be consulting both of them from here on out. Zach actually thinks it’s a good thing that I made these posts as they can’t really do much other than prove my sanity when Luke and Amy try to argue otherwise. Overall, I am doing better. I’ve been talking to a friend in real life, the mom of one of Sophie’s friends. I also have therapy scheduled for myself, and I intend to look into family therapy as well. When my kids ask me what’s going on, I simply tell them that their father and I are having adult problems and it’s nothing they need to worry about. That worked for about a day. Sophie warned me they were planning to confront me as a group, and they did, asking if Dad had cheated on me with Amy. Obviously, they’ve been talking about this, and perhaps they have been for longer than I had anticipated. Perhaps they’ve been wondering. Again, even though I had absolute proof, I was hesitant to tell them as much, and let me explain why. I naturally wouldn’t tell them about the pornographic content I found, I would simply say that I found messages between Luke and Amy revealing their affair. But, with the exception of Sophie, they wouldn’t be satisfied with that. I already know Carter, curious little sweetheart that he is, would want to see these messages. So instead, when I was asked directly by my kids if their Dad had cheated on me, I simply said “I believe he did, yes.” With as much sincerity as I could muster. I think they believe me. Tom and Sophie are texting nonstop, and from what I can gather, there’s doubt among Amy’s children as well, that this is about me “losing my mind” and not about their mother being too close to my husband. I think it’s slowly sinking in for poor Jim that what he didn’t want to believe was possible is very much possible, and it’s happening. I haven’t shown him or Cat any letters or anything. They’re hosting Luke, so I haven’t had much of any contact with them at all. But I did have one phone call with Cat where we wished each other well, that was nice. In the background, I could hear shouting and though Cat quickly went outside, I did hear what sounded like Jim shouting at Luke. He doesn’t usually shout, he’s the calmest man I’ve ever met, so in a way I’m worried about him but also relieved that the wool is being pulled off of his eyes. According to Cat, Luke is still staunchly denying everything. He was pretty upset when he found out that I had poached Zach, though. Which gave me a kind of grim satisfaction. The test results came back! Sophie and Tom tested their DNA against each other to see if they truly are blood siblings. Here’s a surprise - according to the test, they’re not. They don’t share any DNA. To everyone who believed Jim had fathered Amy’s babies, here is definitive proof that he did not, because the test would have revealed that too. But I never believed it anyway. Sophie has her doubts and wonders if the results weren’t faulty and if we shouldn’t take another test to be absolutely certain, but I’m not really worried about that. More confused than anything. I was so certain Tom had to be Luke’s son. He was too. Now he doesn’t know what to think and I don’t either. I obviously now know the affair happened and lasted years, and I know from the letters that Kaylee is Luke’s child, or at least both he and Amy seem to believe she is, which confirms they were intimate fifteen years ago. Now I’m just wondering for Tom’s sake. Who, if not Luke, is his father? He does kind of look like Luke, but that might just be coincidence. In general, everything was quiet for a few days, until it wasn’t. Until she finally showed her face. My “best friend” Amy. I am so happy I installed ring cameras everywhere as you are about to understand. Sure enough, Amy turned up on my doorstep and asked to talk. She had a relaxed demeanor and did not raise her voice. Assuming she was approaching me on Luke’s behalf, I told her that I wasn’t interested in talking to her and to just go away. She did not leave, but she didn’t make a scene either. She persisted in telling me we needed to have a conversation. The kids weren’t home, and did have cameras inside - I was also recording her on my phone and being discreet about it - so eventually I relented and let her in. I don’t know if she realized she was on camera. We sat down on the couch, and she instantly got into the reason for her visit. Turns out, she and Luke know (or suspect) that I procured damning material from his laptop. Amy accused me of going through his devices and told me that anything I found was not my business and I needed to delete it. That was all she had to say. No apology, no admission of guilt, didn’t take responsibility for her own behavior. Hell, she might have known I was recording her, because she didn’t even directly acknowledge what the “sensitive material” on Luke’s laptop actually was. So I confronted her, letting out some of my anger. I asked how she could have the nerve to make demands of me. I asked her why she and Luke would do a thing like this in the first place. Why had they seen fit to spend all these years betraying me? I posed the question that I’d been wondering about for a long time, and as I expected, I got no answer. Literally, Amy didn’t seem to really hear me even as I confronted her. She seemed like she was stressed. Panicked, even. But she was keeping it under wraps. She ignored my questions and accusations, and just kept telling me to delete whatever content from Luke’s laptop that I had. She said that if I wanted to divorce Luke, that was my call, but not to “drag her into it.” Oh, that made me so mad. I kept my temper, but I did snap back that she was already very much in it. Amy just kept repeating herself. Telling me to delete whatever I found. So I just refused. I asked her, point blank, why I should. Why did I have any reason to? Amy got more aggressive, raising her voice. She was trying to intimidate me but I held my ground. She told me that this wasn’t about me, and that I needed to just do as she said. That it was very important. So, I asked again: Why? And yet again, she would not answer. So I asked her if Luke had sent her to do this or if she had shown up on her own. No answer to that either. It was like talking to a brick wall. So I asked her to leave. Just as I’d been afraid of, she wouldn’t go. She refused to leave until I had deleted everything I’d found “in front of her.” I couldn’t help laughing. I told her no, that wasn’t going to happen. This is where I could see her starting to freak out more. In another moment, she got up, ran into the other room, and grabbed my laptop. Before I could stop her, she smashed it on the floor. I really don’t know why she thought that would work or get her the outcome she wanted, I think she was just panicking. Obviously, I still have everything (except now I need to buy a new laptop..) and, sadly, her doing this was out of frame of the camera, but it’s fine. All of my important files are backed up, and at that moment, I was more concerned that Amy would do something else drastic. She looked like she was going to have a breakdown. I tried again, very calmly, to tell her that she needed to leave or I would call the police. She refused again, and just kept repeating her demand that I drop this whole “cheating” angle and divorce Luke without trying to argue that an affair took place. At that point I just stared at her. At the woman I had considered one of my dearest friends in all the world. And I told her that I didn’t owe her anything, but she owed her children the truth. That they had the right to know where they came from. Who Luke really was to them. Amy bristled and told me it was none of my business - that I didn’t understand her family and I needed to back off. She kept going back to this idea that I could divorce Luke, but I must not claim he’d had an affair with her. I just told her that I didn’t need her permission to handle my divorce how I wanted, and told her again to leave. She got more and more desperate, and her anger accelerated to the point that she physically attacked me. I did not expect her to actually do this. I’m not much of a fighter but I do know the human body pretty well, and where it’s weakest. She hurt me pretty badly, but I got her off me. That part was very much on camera, and the whole audio was recorded on my phone. She finally left after that, and I immediately called to file a police report. I had the strangest feeling she’d try something similar and wanted to beat her to the punch. I was able to clean myself up by the time I had to face my kids, and while I downplayed the story, I did not lie to them about why I had a black eye. I told them, for their own safety, to steer clear of Amy. I also sent the footage to Paige and Zack, as well as pictures of my injured state before I cleaned up. They’ve also printed out the letters that reference Kaylee as Luke’s child. I really feel like Amy just screwed herself over on all this. I don’t know what her motives were. Was she protecting Luke? Was this his idea? Does she just really not want the world to know she’s a homewrecker, is she covering her own ass? As if people didn’t know already? The more of my social circle I talk to, and inform of the basics, the more people are confessing that they had wondered in the past if Luke wasn’t cheating on me, but didn’t have any concrete proof. I suppose Amy doesn’t want her kids to know who fathered them, which does line up, but…I’m still not sure about Tom. I didn’t ask Amy about him in particular. I don't know why you guys are so eager for these updates but I don't mind posting them. I've never blogged about my life before, I'd imagine it feels something like this? Relevant Comments OOP on pressing charges OOP: I included it in my report. The sound of the laptop breaking is definitely on my phone and should be on the camera as well. So far as I know, she hasn't been arrested, but I am aiming for a restraining order now. Has Amy been arrested for assault? Send the recording of the attack OOP: I sent word to Cat. As far as I know, Amy hasn't been arrested. Nah, that's evidence, I'm not sending it to anyone without the a-okay from my lawyer. OOP on if Amy has family around or not OOP: She's not in contact with her family and hasn't been for many years. They abused her. Luke's family became her family. She never actually admitted to having an affair, actually. I noticed that too.   Brief Update: Sept. 18, 2024 Hey guys. It’s been a rough week. A lot has happened. I don’t really want to talk about all of it in detail so I’m going to keep this short. I know I never shut up, it’s just how I am, but I’m going to be much more brief this go around. Luke has a lawyer now. I don’t know him. But he met with Zack and Paige. To everyone saying I should have Amy arrested, I probably could have if I had shown the police the video. Instead, I just sent it to my lawyer. Maybe this makes me foolish, but even now, I think part of me is still trying to protect people I once loved and go easy on them. But everything’s been on hold for the past few days, because Jim had a heart attack. I saw Luke and I saw Amy, and Amy’s kids, at the funeral. It was the first time we were all together since before all this happened. Nobody talked about what’s going on, short of Amy briefly apologizing for “what happened” before. She did seem sincere, I’ll give her that. But I wasn’t about to call her out anyway. Amy, Luke, and Cat all seemed pretty devastated. I was too. But we all agreed not to argue or talk about the divorce and to just let the day be a ceasefire to focus on Jim. Luke and I had a nice conversation about him. I’ve been spending time with my kids and taking a couple of days off work. I have enough of them on the back burner. Luke also saw the kids, twice, before and after the funeral, with me present. It went well. At my direction, and Sophie’s, they didn’t mention Amy, and Luke didn’t try anything funny with any of them. I think he does miss them and hate that he can’t see them, thanks to all this. The kids are also pretty upset about losing Grandpa, on top of not being able to see Dad as much as before. I don’t think any of them blame me but that’s far from the point, frankly. Carter slept in my bed the last three nights. I’ll get more into this in the future when I have the energy to talk about what’s going on in more detail. But whoever suggested that Cat lied about the test results was correct. She never sent them in. She confessed as much to me. I guess she didn’t feel comfortable going behind her son’s back…but did feel comfortable lying to me to protect him? Until she didn’t, until she felt guilty, and she came clean. Under the circumstances, I am not angry with her, but I know better than to trust her anymore. As far as I know, she did not tell Luke about the test. But it means Tom could still be Luke's son. Probably is. My lawyers finished going through Luke and Amy’s letters with a finer tooth comb. The bottom line is, they definitely found what it was that Amy didn’t want me to see, and I now completely understand why she was so panicked. It has to do with why Amy and Luke didn't marry conventionally. They did something very bad. But this is genuinely something that I’m not sure I should be talking about, even on an anonymous internet post. I haven’t even been able to collect my feelings about what Amy and Luke have done, especially with everything else going on, so I don’t know if I should be more explicit. I’m sorry, I know that’s not what anyone wanted to hear, but please try to understand. Paige agreed with me, that when in doubt, don’t post it. I’ve told my lawyers to put a pin in it for now because I’m in no fit state to figure out how to proceed with it or if I should use it against them. I’m just feeling like shit, honestly. It’s difficult not to blame myself for Jim. I can only imagine Luke and Amy are blaming themselves too. I know they’re bad people. I don’t forgive them. But this tore them apart as it did me and I think all three of us feel like the divorce stressed Jim out to the point where it may have contributed. He already had heart disease. And in particular, I blame myself for showing him what I showed him. I showed him "proof" of the affair shortly before he died. I'll be carrying that with me for a very long time, even if I shouldn't. I’ll update again whenever I do. I’m sorry. I’ll respond to comments as I can.   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

First, a few points to answer from the comments. I don’t have any DNA test results back yet. That can take weeks. But now that I know Sophie is in no danger of dating a relative, the pressure is off. I’ll get into this momentarily, but, it frankly no longer matters if Luke fathered the children. I highly, highly doubt my father-in-law is having an affair with Amy. At worst, he might know (or even just suspect) the truth about Amy and Luke. But it’s also possible that he just refuses to believe they would do such a thing. I’ve been vague about details for privacy, but to put it very simply, Jim and Amy are both pretty white. Cat and Luke are not. Had Jim fathered Amy’s babies, they would look different than they do. Nevertheless, I do have an update. While a stream of comments have called me spineless and naive, called me a “sister wife” (as an ex Mormon, that hits a particular nerve) and most recently, a stream of comments have said my story is fake (fair enough, it’s the internet, but Luke is not the first scumbag husband to have two families.) Several other comments have been incredibly kind and supportive and I really appreciate that. Apologies if I haven’t responded to a comment or direct message that you sent. I covered as many as I could but I was literally getting hundreds, so I definitely missed several of them. First thing’s first. I discussed this in the comments, but our little “team” has (supposedly) recruited my mother in law. I say “supposedly” because Sophie and Tom were going to talk to her about getting help with submitting the DNA test and, at the advice of my lawyer, I am staying out of the process. Officially, I told Sophie not to do it, and she said she wouldn’t. MIL hasn’t contacted me about it either. (Though we have been in touch, I’ll get into that more in a moment.) The bottom line is that I can honestly say I had no knowledge of any DNA test. Loophole city. Another bit of good news. I was digging through the paperwork in preparation for my divorce, wanting to get a head start against Luke, and one thing that came to my attention is that my name is on the paperwork for our home. Luke’s name is not. I was the one who bought the house and we always planned to add Luke onto the paperwork at some point, but we never got around to it and eventually the idea was forgotten. It was my lawyer, “Paige” who pointed this out to me, and it was like finding a winning lottery ticket on the ground. I don’t know where I’d be without Paige. She’s a dear friend from college who I reached out to, hat in hand, for help. She’s been there for me this past week not just as legal counsel but as a friend I really needed right now. The thing is, she’s not “our” lawyer, me and Luke. We have our own “family” attorney who has helped us out of jams in the past (we clashed with our HOA a few years ago, not worth getting into right now) but Paige is a lawyer who specializes in family law and has handled divorces before. Luke remembers her from college and knows she went into law but doesn’t know she’s a divorce attorney. So I can have her over for coffee like we’re “catching up” and he has no idea anything is going on. Turns out, he’s not the only one who can harbor someone under his spouse’s nose under the guise of being a “friend.” So. Onto the update… The last time I looked in Luke’s phone was three months ago, around the point Sophie and Tom began to go around claiming they wanted to date. I found nothing. While I know how to search for recently deleted photos and didn’t see any, my comments taught me how to find recently deleted messages. So, when Luke was asleep, I did just that. Swiped his phone and brought it downstairs, checked recently deleted. I am glad I did but I also wish I had not, because I’m still reeling from the pain. Sure enough, a conversation with Amy had been deleted. Recent texts talking about the conflict between her and me, with Amy describing me as a “problem” and Luke trying to pacify her - without defending me at all, to be clear. They both alluded to how they had “expected” this for a while and just hoped it would never happen - presumably me accusing them of having an affair. While the whole conversation and the fact that it was deleted was sketchy, nothing was actually admitted. So I scrolled a bit higher, to a few days before the fight. Amy’s messages got a bit more flirty. Then. I saw it. Five days before I confronted them, Amy had sent Luke a topless pic. A selfie with no shirt or bra. Guys, I teared up. I knew it was true, I knew it in my bones, but seeing the proof still cut me like a hot knife. (Doesn’t help that Amy’s always had bigger breasts than me.) I exited the messages app and checked Luke’s recently deleted photos. Sure enough, the same selfie was there, and others. Amy topless, Amy naked, in various poses to show off. There were pictures of the two of them together, cuddled and pressed close like a couple. In some of these, she was naked. In some, they both were. There were videos. Amy sent Luke a video message of herself topless, and I had to actually hear her voice talking to him in a tone that made me sick, about how she was sending him a quick video to “help him get through the day.” In more than one video, she called him her “boo” and, hearing her call him that, I almost vomited. Stopped looking at that point, I’d seen enough. For about five minutes anyway, then a strange compulsion to keep searching led me to check Luke’s laptop. I knew enough of his passcodes to access his iCloud storage and…yeah, basically more of the same. There were letters, long letters between them. I didn’t have the heart to read past the first few lines of one of them, but I did read Luke mention “our children.” There were countless naked/topless selfies of Amy. Selfies of them together. Videos where Amy appeared to be masturbating. There were sex tapes. Of the two of them. Tom had previously offered to try and hide a camera in Amy’s room, but fuck, he never needed to. Luke was hiding a whole treasure trove under my nose all along. I scrolled, and scrolled, and scrolled. There were so many. Going back years. Not all of it was even sexual. There were some photos of Amy’s kids, too. One video was of Kaylee and the twins playing together when they were younger, and Luke and Amy’s voices from behind the camera. There were even old pictures of Luke and Amy from when they were younger. I’d even say teenagers. I snapped. All these years, I had been telling myself I had to be wrong, that it couldn’t be true. Well, it was true. I know that no one forced me to look at as much of the evidence as I did, but I’m still hurting very badly from having seen it and in that moment, I wanted to act, so I did. I called my lawyer, who is a remarkable woman. It was the middle of the night, so I had to call her twice, and she picked up. Though I had woken her, when I asked her to come by and said it was an emergency, she agreed. I also asked her to draw up the paperwork and have it ready. She told me that she’d already had it ready since I first reached out to her. As I waited for her, I went through the necessary channels on Luke’s laptop to make sure he wouldn’t be able to remotely disconnect our access to his little stash, changing passwords and all that. My lawyer (Let’s call her “Paige”) arrived, and I went outside to greet her in the car. Spent a good half hour in the passenger seat just crying, and she was great about that, before I passed her Luke’s phone and his laptop, with all the information she needed to use them. She warned me that this could be considered theft. So I asked her to forward and print out copies of everything she could and then bring the items back, because I just couldn’t bear to do it myself. She agreed. I went back inside, and then, I packed up Luke’s things while the house slept. At one point Owen got up to use the bathroom and asked me what I was doing, but I told him I was just cleaning. Luke stirred once or twice while I was in the bedroom but did not wake. I got all of his things packed into trash bags and I loaded up the car. That’s when I woke him up, and told him to come outside. He was confused and half asleep, but he did notice things were missing. I ignored his questions and just told him to come with me. So he followed me outside. Once we were by the car, I pulled out the divorce papers and officially handed them to him. That was about when he figured out what I was doing, and he tried to talk me out of it. Tried to be sweet with me, to be tender. He kept insisting that he loved me and that there had never been anything with Amy. Kept trying to persuade me not to tear our family apart. Even two weeks ago, I might have wilted under him because the manipulation and gaslighting were truly masterclass, but I can see through it now. I didn’t tell him that I knew he was full of shit, I didn’t tell him what I had seen, I just told him we were finished. He tried a different approach. He refused to go. Stated firmly that our children were his too, and that even if we were separating, I had no right to just decide the kids would stay with me over him. This was where I very coldly presented the paperwork reminding him that the house is in my name, and told him under no circumstances would my kids be staying with Amy. He argued a while longer, but in the end he decided to be the “bigger person” and “keep the peace.”At that moment I didn’t care where he went. Before he left, he did ask about his phone and laptop, and I waved him off by saying they were in one of the bags. Bought a little time. I couldn’t sleep for the rest of that night. I cried more. Eventually I realized I’d have to wake my children up early and explain to the extent that I could. Naturally, I woke Sophie first. I told her that I had kicked her father out, and that I had discovered evidence of an affair on his devices. I did not specify what kind of evidence and she did not ask. I woke up the others and gently told them that their Dad had gone to stay somewhere else for a while. That I wasn’t sure where, but from now on things were going to be different. Louise was the one to ask if we were getting divorced, and I couldn’t lie to her. I told her yes. Owen asked when they could see their father again and I wanted to cry. Sophie was a very big help, urging her siblings to be sympathetic to me right now and worry about Dad later. I knew better than to “poison” them against their father (Paige warned me against doing that as well) so I only told Sophie that the affair was confirmed since she had already been in the know. However, as the kids were getting ready for school, Owen approached me and asked me point blank if it was about Amy. If Luke was going to be with her instead of me. I couldn’t answer, but I suppose that’s an answer on its own. Got the kids to school, and my next step was calling to have the locks changed. I knew Luke would be back for his devices before long, but thankfully Paige returned with them before he showed up again. It was a very quick visit. She just told me that all was accomplished, and she had records of everything we would need in court. Sure enough, Luke turned up an hour later demanding to know where his laptop and phone were. I had set them back in our bedroom like they had never moved, and I just told him he had forgotten them. He insisted that I had said they were in one of the bags, so I just shrugged him off and told him I “must have been mistaken.” After he grabbed them, he tried again to reason with me, but I just showed him the door. I knew the kids would start to come home from school before long and I think he was trying to delay leaving so he could see them. I was not having it. I started shouting again and sent him on his way. I’m still just in absolute pain and despair for what I saw. I don’t know if he’ll realize that anyone went through his devices and made copies of the evidence, or if he suspects I saw anything, but he obviously didn’t say so. After he left, I cried once again. Talked to my mother in law that night. Apparently Luke did show up to his parents’ house, which was a surprise, as I was so certain he’d stay with Amy. But maybe even he knows how suspicious that would look to the children and doesn’t want to rock the boat as much. Maybe he knows I’m more likely to let my children see their grandmother than Amy at this point, and he wants to see them to give his version of events. That is not happening. Cat already shared his version with me, that he relayed to her and Jim. That I’m having some kind of mental breakdown, that he wishes he could help me, but my paranoia is causing me to lash out and turn violent. (I was never violent. I shoved him away when he tried to hold me, that is all.) And what’s so hilarious is that he didn’t mention Amy at ALL to his parents. He didn’t even frame it as me “falsely” believing he was having an affair. Even though that’s his story when talking to ME, he left Amy out of it when talking to his parents. Cat noticed that. She believes me. Jim doesn’t know what to believe anymore. According to Cat, he seemed very, very troubled by what he heard from all sides. As for Amy, she’s radio silent. Tom has told Sophie that she’s acting like nothing is wrong but is clearly stressed out. That when her children ask, she makes the same sort of claims. That I am having some kind of emotional, nervous breakdown, and pushing her away, as well as Luke. She doesn’t mention anything about my accusing them of an affair, but still puts it all on me. Amy has not reached out to talk to me directly, and I have not tried talking to her since our big argument. I haven’t really told my kids anything, just that I’m having disagreements with Luke and Amy - though I was very clear that it is NOT a question of my mental health. Honestly, I think they all kind of know what’s going on. Sophie continues to be my rock, as I try to be for her and the others, and Tom continues to be our spy in the ranks. Right now, my biggest regret is the stress that all of this is causing on the children, which I knew it would, but it still needed to be done. My life has fallen apart. But it was never my life. submitted by /u/PsychFactor to r/offmychest [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP Originally posted to r/relationship_advice TW: infidelity, stalking behaviour Original post: August 4th 2024 I know, I'm aware of my faults, I know I screwed up. She and I had something beautiful. She is still the love of my life, we were together for 10 years, 2 dating and 8 married, but I made a huge mistake and cheated on her, it was just once, just one damn time! Somehow she found out, I never knew how because I haven't been able to talk to her since then. I guess she found something on my phone. I came home that afternoon as usual and everything felt weird, the house felt emptier, I quickly realized that her things were gone. I panicked, I started calling her over and over, but her phone didn't even ring. Suddenly I saw some papers on the table, she was divorcing me… under the divorce papers, there was a note that said “This is what you do with cheaters.” That was the last thing I got from her, two years ago now. Of course I called the contact information for her lawyer, who has been the only bridge between us. But he just told me that he was her legal representative and that she didn't want to see me. I fought, I got angry, but in the end her lawyer just told me that it would be better if I got my own lawyer. I didn't want to, I absolutely refused to accept that 10 years of relationship would end like this! I know I have failed, but I always wanted to fix it. I know that if she gave me the chance, I could make that sweet and special girl I met more than 10 years ago fall in love with me again. I know that I can make her forgive me, after all, many couples go through similar things and get over it! Why can't we be one more couple in that statistic? Why after 8 years of marriage am I thrown away like garbage for a mistake? I don't deserve so much indifference. I haven't been able to see her or even hear her voice in two years. Two years of not being able to see or talk to the person you love the most is too much of a punishment! This situation has destroyed me emotionally, mentally and even physically. I ended up consuming an unhealthy amount of alcohol, weeks of barely eating, not sleeping, I was a zombie for months, I was just functioning on automatic. I wanted to die, but I couldn't let myself die because I always held onto hope that she would come back. My therapist says it's really hard when you can't get closure from a relationship because your mind can't process that the relationship is over, so you're always thinking that person will knock on the door or that you'll wake up from sleep and they'll be there by your side. The divorce was finalized over a year ago, I'll be honest, I didn't make it easy, I didn't want to get divorced and I still don't understand how we can be divorced. I asked for couples therapy, but she refused. I know from my lawyer that her lawyer advised her to go at least once or twice. But she refused. It took quite a while, but finally the divorce happened. I can't even describe the feeling, I felt and still feel, like if a piece of me had been cut out. I know I hurt her, I know I failed, but I think we all deserve a second chance. When I couldn't take the pain anymore, I decided to start therapy. My therapist doesn't give me advice to get her back, he only focuses on me moving on with my life encouraging me to meet new people and go out on dates, but I don't want to, at this point I'm not even interested in sex anymore. A few days ago something happened that completely shattered me. I was having a few beers with my friend at my house, let’s call him Nick, we were both pretty drunk. I started talking about my wife. And he said to me “You should put more effort into getting over her, she’s over you and is happy having a life away from you, you should do the same, you can’t live in this self-pity all your life.” Something in his words hit me, but not in the way he expected, he spoke with a lot of confidence that my wife is over me and is happy now, how does he know that?… at this point, I got angry and started pressuring him to talk, he refused, I pressed as hard as I could, I cried, I begged him to tell me if he knew something! I needed to know something about her! Until he finally told me… his wife has been in contact with my wife for the last year. They were great friends and I remember Sabrina (my friend's wife) being very sad about losing contact with my wife. The thing is that my wife went to live in Norway, got married to a guy there and is about 7 months pregnant. I felt like dying, I literally felt like dying with this information. How could she do this to me? How could it be that while I was crying, getting drunk, missing her and wanting to die every day, she was happily on the other side of the world, getting married, fucking and getting pregnant by another guy! How could it be that she didn't have a child with me in many many years, to the point that I thought she was infertile, but she got pregnant by this new guy so easily?? Where did this guy come from?? I have no answers for absolutely anything and I feel like I can't go on with my life without these answers! The only thing I can think of is that she had revenge sex with the first norwegian guy she came across and got pregnant and decided to keep the baby. Maybe she got married because she wanted to stay in that country legally and I guess like in most countries, getting married is a good option for that, I don't know, these thoughts are killing me! I refuse to think that she is in love with him! I need to contact her, I need to talk to her, I need to know what's going on, because she acts like our 10 year history and 8 year marriage is nothing to her! I need advice on how to act, I feel the impulse of travel to where she is and look for her, but how could I do that? I don't know what city she's in, I don't know where she lives, I don't have a number to contact her, she closed her social media, her family is small, they don't live in the same country as me and all of them blocked me. I'm totally lost. I don't know what to do at this point. I still want her back, yes even pregnant. I feel like if this is a nightmare and I need to wake up now! EDIT: I read almost all the comments and when I say almost all I really mean almost all. It's hard to process all the crap that's been said about me. I feel like you guys forget that you are talking to a person and not an inanimate object. I thought I might find more empathy by sharing my story here. Just two people feeling empathy towards me and their comment made me feel better. I'm not looking for validation or for anyone to say that what I did is okay. I know it's not and I have to live with that daily. I will try to respond but of course I'll never be able to respond all the comments over here. I guess none of you know what it's like to have a broken heart and not be able to get over a person. You don't decide who you love and you don't decide when you get over someone. It will happens when it have to. Those who doubt my story, unfortunately is real, I would love this to be fake but sadly it is not and I have to live with this mess everyday. Everyone assumes she's happy now. I don't know, I mean how do you know? I haven't seen her in two years, I can't have any idea if she's happier or not. Being pregnant it doesn't necessary means happiness and being married either, we don't really know the circumstances of this marriage. Maybe she got married because she got pregnant and felt alone in a country where she has no one and she just hold on to the other guy. Of course I blame myself for this!! This wouldn't have happened if I had been a better person and a better husband to her. But unfortunately I can't change what I did wrong. The only thing I could do is try to make it up to her, but how do you make it up to someone who doesn't want to give you the chance to do so?… some people said that she doesn't owe me a second chance. That was hard to read but I understand that maybe she doesn't have to. I never openly blamed her for the infertility issues. It was just a thought. We both went to the doctor and in both cases the tests revealed that everything was fine. I never understood why we couldn't conceive and the thought that she was infertile did cross my mind and of course the idea that I was too. But in most cases of infertility it is due to a female factor. Maybe that's why I thought that. Horrible things were said like I would hurt my ex wife if she were here. I never physically hurt her and I never will. I am not an abusive person. I am not a monster. I know it's hard to empathize with me. I know I screwed up. I know I hurt her way beyond what I can say. But I am not a monster or a narcissist. Some people said that I never loved her otherwise I wouldn't have cheated on her. This statement doesn't seem fair to me. You think you can kidnap the concept of love and tell another person what his real feelings are? You think you are inside my head or heart? Only then would you know what I feel. You can't tell me that I don't love her. There hasn't been a day since she left that I don't regret it. No one can tell me this isn't love. Lastly, humans are more complex than most people here think. Just because I cheated on her doesn't mean I don't love her or that I don't have feelings. I called what I did a mistake because how else would I call it? I thought part of accepting blame is accepting that was my mistake! But everyone here take those words as if I trying to twist the situation when that's not the case. You've completely twisted my words. I know how much I hurt her. Maybe in my post I'm focusing on myself because I was never able to explain myself to her. Since then for me it's been one attempt after another to put together a story in my head that doesn't make sense. I lost everything from one moment to the next. I simply tried to be open with my feelings but it doesn't seem to work here. Not for me at least. I know the damage I did to her, this woman left her life, the country she emigrated to, her friends, even her job. No one does that for a breakup unless you're going through some level of absolute pain. I understand that, I can see and feel the pain I put her through and that makes me feel even more guilty. Honestly, I'm going to respond to some comments below and then log off of Reddit for a couples days until I feel in a better place. Relevant comments: Commenter: I wanna know who you cheated on her with. That’s pretty important information OOP: It was a radon woman that used to go to the same gym. Nothing important. it didn't mean anything not even for a second! I just was being an idiot! Commenter: You don't seem to have any remorse for cheating, just mentioned she somehow found out-so you were not planning on telling her? It's been two years, you need to accept responsibility for your actions and let go, she's never coming back. There's billions of people out there, just heal and improve yourself with therapy and I'm sure you'll get a second chance with someone else, you're only 35 OOP: I do feel remorse for cheating! Im a big mess right now, but I do feel remorse... Commenter: You may still be in love she is not at least not with you OOP: So love just fade away? just like this? at the end of the day this sometimes makes me feel like if Im actually more loyal than her to our relathionship... meaning... she left, re merried, got pregnant, looks like if she completly forgot about me and Im here setting crying while I drink some wine and respond to some strangers on reddit about our relationship. I still love her, but for her was so easy ger over me. Commenter: If only half the people on Reddit had the self respect your ex wife has. OOP: I don't blame her, I understand the pain I caused her. But I also think there are many couples who go through this and move on, especially when it was just one time! I never had a side relationship for months, I didn't cheat on her with multiple women, I didn't get another woman pregnant, I didn't cheat on her with her friend! Cheating is wrong, but are you really going to put me on the same level as a guy who cheated on his wife for years or who cheated on his wife with her sister? It's not an excuse but Im asking for some coherency here. Update: Same post two days later: These days have been very strange at times I feel numb and at others desperate. A lot of things have happened. I want to start by answering something and then I will update. Some people asked why Norway? I don't know exactly but she is a polyglot, she speaks 6 languages...many of these languages ​​are connected to cultures that she always liked...norwegian is just one of them... she has always been interested in norwegian culture, she has been there before, but she is also interested in other cultures and speaks other languages so for me that was never an indicator that she might have gone to this country. Regarding the update, the first thing I will say is that the post reached some people in my circle. Sabrina's sister is on Reddit, she knows the story and realized it was me. She told Sabrina. Sabrina is angry at Nick for revealing information, Nick is angry at me for posting on Reddit and because he says I pressured him to talk. I am angry at both of them for being two a...holes who watched me suffer for two years and decided not to help me. They didn't care about my marriage, why should I care about their marriage? Sabrina could have given me my ex wife phone number a long time ago, but she decided to prioritize her friendship with my ex instead of helping two friends mend their marriage! Meanwhile, no one cared about my feelings! Im done with them at this point. Regarding to my ex-wife. I've been thinking a lot, she can't just desapare. I convinced myself that if I searched hard enough I could find something related to her. I follow some of her relatives from a fake Instagram account but I never found anything related to her. I searched a lot, really a lot and found a name that I had seen before but that hadn't caught my attention until then, it was a lady with a name that is not typical in the United States or my wife's country (she is not american) and a very strange last name. I went to her Instagram profile and she had no pictures or anything just a small profile picture that you can barely see. I decided to look her up on Facebook and found the same lady with the same profile picture. Only her Facebook profile is quite open, she is indeed a lady from Norway. I checked everything I could on this profile I was convinced that it had something to do with my wife. How else would a relative of hers have this woman in their friends? I saw a lot of pictures, people, plants, mountains, gardens, lakes, flowers, typical things that an older lady posts… until I came across a picture where my ex was dressed as a bride hugging a guy. I had to translate the text, the lady was congratulating her son on his wedding. There were a few more pictures, not many, there were even some members of my ex’s family in the wedding pictures. The dates of the pictures were from a year ago. A year ago she married this guy. I don’t understand, how could it happen so fast? When did she meet him? I honestly thought she got married after she got pregnant, not before, this baffles me even more. After that I found another picture, it was a group picture and she was far away but of course I recognized her. The same guy was with his hands on her shoulders, hugging her… this picture was from February 2023. To be clear she left in may 2022, how is she with someone in february 2023?? Only 9 months and she's already in a stable enough relationship that he's introduced her to his family?? What the hell is going on here? I feel like I have even more questions in my head now...I know I shouldn't be upset but I am. I know I lost her because I was an idiot but it's hard to get this feeling out of my head right now. Anyways for those who had imagined this fantasy that my ex is with some kind of norwegian Chris Hemsworth… let me tell you...it's not like that! This guy is too tall, too blonde, too pale, hair too long and kind of chunky to be honest. He looks more like the old cartoon of Vikings and is definitely not a Chris Hemsworth. I managed to find his fb profile but he has almost nothing there. His profile says he's an engineer. An engineer who wears metal band t-shirts at 38! I don't know how to take this because I'm an engineer myself just in a different field, why would she look for a man with the same profession as me? my wife has always liked heavy metal which I always found nasty but I never complained, after all your partner doesn't have to have the same musical tastes as you. I mention this because maybe that was the way they connected, she used to connect easily with people who liked the same type of music... I don't know but I honestly look at it and think where did she get this guy from? I meant he can definitely do better than this. The pregnancy thing still messes with my head I try not to think about it. I can't understand it. I'm not infertile like the comments suggest. I've been to the doctor and I know I'm not! But God, it kills me to think that she's going to have another man's child. I don't get it! I feel like this is beyond anything I ever imagined. And no, I'm not going to go to Norway. I'm not going to try to contact her. I still want to see her and talk to her. But I obviously can't force her to do that. I have too much to deal with right now and too much to talk about in therapy. If by any chance this post reaches my ex. I want you to know that I still love you. You know where to contact me. If by any chance this post reaches the new dude: I want you to know the only reason you have a chance with this woman is because a big idiot halfway across the world completely ruined it...you most probably met a woman who was probably very broken from her divorce, you took advantage of her situation and trapped her with a baby. You don't know how to play fair! Sabrina and Nick: F...YOU! THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Koenigin_der_Puppen to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

To give some back story, My brother(20) and I(f25) do not have a lot of family. We have both lost our parents and have one grandparent and our uncle who passed away about almost two years ago took us in when we were in our teen years and we’d lost our parents. Uncle has always been a big part of our lives since young age and it’s not a stretch to say he was like a father figure to us. When he passed away it was very sudden and took a huge toll on us, especially myself, we were both devastated. But my last exchanging of words with him was an argument before bed, and the next morning he just didnt wake up. My brother is aware of this because i could barely live with the guilt. I lost so much weight and quit my job. When we were cleaning out my uncles room my brother adopted some of the clothes that belonged to my uncle and kept them to wear for himself. I had no issue with this, I kept a shirt or two. About a year after my uncles death I ended up leaving my home town and moving cities to live with other family. TLDR; My boyfriend and I stay the night at my family’s home when on outta town visit and when its time to go to bed I notice My brother’s girlfriend wearing one of the shirts. I figured she thought since they were now my brother’s clothes she thought she’d adopt them as well. The next morning I see her Wearing another one of my uncles shirts but the top portion of the shirt is cut off so it’s worn off the shoulders. I’ve still yet to say anything & don’t think I will unless its warranted in a situation but for now I won’t because so much time has passed. Boyfriend says I’m valid for feeling upset about it but I realized I might be chastised or gaslit by them if I had confronted the situation at the time. But every so often when I see her wearing a cut up shirt that belonged to my uncle I do get bothered. Am I valid for being bothered about it? ‼️ EDIT: Yes she knew they were his shirts. no I dont have mental breakdown when I see the cut up shirts and no, I don’t have a psychological attachment to them. No other clothes got treated that way just those so it sits weird with me smh. (2) I SHOULD PROBABLY ALSO MENTION I HAD TO FIGHT TOOTH N NAIL for the two shirts I got. Bro foreal got the whole closet and then let his shorty cut em up. (3) “its been two years get over it!” Completely aware of the timeline, it was my first encounter seeing that, & there’s variables that go into my situation making it a bit “unique” I guess. also I am not STILL grieving for the record. I had the idea that those things had SOME sentimental value since my brother got Lions share of things and I had to fight for mine. Then for them to be so easily altered by gf when Im a whole relative. submitted by /u/nanidgaff to r/AmIOverreacting [link] [comments]

A lot of you may recognize me from the post I did a few months ago regarding selling t-shirts on Amazon https://www.reddit.com/r/Entrepreneur/comments/56xvo1/how_we_made_150000_profit_slinging_tshirts_as_a and of course a ton of comments making jokes about the t shirt industry. Since Merch by Amazon (the program I was using in the old post), is still on lockdown, I am going to show you step by step how to take graphics/designs, and sell them on Amazon on 10’s if not 100 different kind of items by using the new Shopify Amazon integration combined with print on demand services to fulfill your orders. This means you can take action TODAY. Before any of you get on your pedestal about self promotion, yes, this did come from the Merch Informer blog, and yes you can do this method I am about to lay out for you 100% without using any tools. If you want to learn something, continue reading. If not, continue on with your day. Let’s do it. What Is Merch? If you have been reading what I have been posting this last year, you may be thinking about Merch by Amazon where the focus was just t-shirts. Merch, however, goes a lot more broad than that. This can include anything from funny novelty t-shirts to flags you hang on your wall, to the yoga pants that are worn to the gym and everything in between. If you have sold on Amazon before, or pushed t-shirts and realized how many customers you have access to, then you know how lucrative it can be. Shirts are just the tip of the iceberg though. If you could start selling beach towels, coffee mugs, yoga pants, flags, and any other type of merch without ever seeing or touching inventory on Amazon, imagine how your earnings would explode overnight. Why Merch? https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Amazon-revenue-1024x768.png As you can see from the image above, Amazon is doing it’s very best to capture as much market share as it can. That is literally all they care about, grow bigger than everyone else! At the very end of 2015, they opened yet another program to attempt to take over another sector of the market: Merch by Amazon. This program was aimed at dominating the print on demand (POD) niche, and it was an overnight success. This program allowed everyday people and designers like you and I to put up original artwork and funny says on novelty t-shirts and sell them to Amazon customers without ever dealing with customer support or touching the actual product. Amazon sold, packaged, and shipped your products and gave the designer a royalty. Earnings from early adopters were absolutely massive and in some cases into the 100’s of thousands of dollars. Unfortunately, Amazon did not expect the monster growth of the Merch by Amazon program and quickly turned it into an invite only program. Recently they have been processing so many orders that they have completely stopped accepting people to the program and people who do have an account are not allowed to publish or are allowed to publish with restrictions. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/online-retailers.png You can see that if you want to make money online by selling apparel, you NEED to be selling on Amazon. There is really no other way around it. By 2020 they are going to be absolutely dominating the online market place and you have the chance to be a part of it. With Merch by Amazon closed to the public, and not wanting to deal with shipping items from China or dealing with a print shop for every order, what can be done? Fulfillment by Amazon is an option, but from our experience, not a very good good one. You would have to buy the products a head of time and send them to a ware house. With Merch by Amazon, we clearly know that selling Merch hands off is the way to go! https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Amazon-Christmas.png Use Shopify To Sell Your Merch! Many of you reading this are at least familiar with Shopify as a content management system and online store payment processor. From here, you will be able to put your products up for sale and sell them to customers who visit your site. With recent changes and Shopify integrating with Amazon, this 100% the way to go. Why? You will have access to not only T-shirts but…. Tank Tops Phone Cases Beach Towels Coffee Mugs Cutting Boards Stickers Long Sleeves Hoodies Dog Bowls Flags Blankets Mouse Pads Shower Curtains and much more! Are you starting to see the big picture here? You can take the artwork that you created for shirts or other mediums, and turn a single image into 10s if not hundreds of different products that you will sell ON Amazon.com. No more handling inventory or trying to drive traffic to your store anymore. This is going to be a long one, so strap in, and let’s go over step by step on how to set up everything so you are no longer held back by Merch limits. Shopify Amazon Print On Demand Method To make this method work for you, you are going to need 4 things. Understand Amazon BSR (Best Sellers Rank) and what sells best on Amazon Designs/Artwork Amazon Seller Account Shopify Account Let’s go over how I get everything set up and then we will tie them all together. Understanding What Sells on Amazon (Best Sellers Rank) The very first thing you need to do before you start your journey is understand what sells best on Amazon, how to spot these items, and how to properly research the different niches you want to create merch around. There are two very key aspects that you need to have a solid understanding of to have any success. These are Amazon BSR or Best Sellers Rank, and the second is understanding Copyright/Trademark. Amazon BSR (Best Sellers Rank) Every single product that is sold on Amazon has something in the product information called the Best Sellers Rank or Amazon BSR. It will look very similar to this: https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/BSR.png The BSR is a representation of how well that item is selling in its respective category. The smaller the number, the more items they are selling. The higher number, the fewer items they are selling. For example, if a shirt were to hit number 1 in clothing, it would be the most popular shirt selling on Amazon. From my experience selling, a BSR of around 100,000 in clothing equates to around 1 sale per day. This is not set in stone, but 100k BSR is usually what I focus my sites on when doing niche research. Copyright/Trademark You also need to have a full understanding that you are not allowed to infringe on someone else’s copyright or trademarks. This means that you are NOT allowed to simply copy someones design and put it up on another piece of merchandise. Doing so would be breaking copyright laws. If someone has a particular saying in their artwork that is selling particularly well, they might decide to trademark that term. This would mean that you are NOT allowed to use this term in any of your designs even if it looks completely different. Copyright and Trademark are both different beasts so make sure you are not infringing on someone else’s intellectual property. A lot of times, you might put something up on Amazon which then gets trademarked later on down the road. They can then use this trademark to come after you and the items you put up causing infractions and an entire mess. If you have thousands of products up like we do, this can be almost impossible to keep track of. If you are at all concerned about this, make sure you are checking daily. Getting Designs/Artwork When I first started, I created some designs myself. Since I am not a designer by trade, this took a lot of my time up and I had to actually watch some tutorials on YouTube to make sure I was using Photoshop correctly. Once I saw just how well my designs were selling on Amazon, I started to scale up very quickly and this meant getting a designer (or 5), on board to start cranking out original designs. Finding a good designer can be extremely hard. You want one that you can count on to be on time, every time. You also want a designer that has some integrity and will be original when you send them ideas. I have managed to hire my entire team of designers at full time for $4 per design each. This may just be personal experience but a lot of them from the Philippines and this really ads up to a great wage in that part of the world. I have found excellent success by using Upwork. Upwork is a marketplace to post jobs you are interested in completing and then hiring freelancers. Below is the script that I used to hire each one of my designers. Hey, I am in need of 400 t-shirt designs in the time period of 2-3 months. Your task will be pretty basic, I will send you ideas of t-shirts I want to make and you make them yourself in your own unique style. For example, I might send you a link of a already existing tshirt and I would need you to be inspired by it and create a better version that is in your own creative style. I will leave a lot of 5* reviews so that you will be able to get jobs easier in the future and this is a long-term position. Once we have done the first batch of 400 – around 4 per day, we could continue if everything looks good. I look forward to doing business with you! This works well for me because I always have a lot of designs for them to do because I am quickly scaling up so they will have some long term work from me. It also works well because a lot of very talented people are new to the Upwork platform and are trying to build up their profile to find other jobs. Lots of great reviews from you as a satisfied client can help them in this journey. What this means for you is that they are going to put the best effort forward in order to earn those 5 stars. Quick Note: Weeding Out Bad Designers When I first tried to hire someone to design for me, they stole images and straight up copied designs. This is wrong, and will get your Merch account banned. I was not able to use any of these designs. When I first hired someone, I let them know that they cannot use any images which are Copyrighted, or infringe on any Copyright someone else owns. Then, I will send them a T-Shirt idea that is very clearly Copyright infringement. If they copy it or do not change it enough to be considered free use, I will immediately get rid of that designer (and that design). The design may have cost me $4, but that is an extremely small price to pay to weed out the copycats! Amazon Seller Account The next piece of the puzzle that you are going to need is is an Amazon seller account. You can sign up for one here: https://sellercentral.amazon.com This will ask you to sign into your Amazon account and if you do not have one already, simply sign up for one. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/sign-up-for-Amazon.png Once you are signed up and logged in, there are few things you are going to want to do. First you will want to navigate to the upper right hand corner to “Settings” and then Account Information. It will bring you to a page that looks like this: https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/information.png Fill out the Deposit information so that you are going to get paid, and the tax information. Feel free to change any of the other information but for now all that you need to change is how you get paid, and the tax information. Next, navigate to the left hand corner of that page where you should see a “Your Services” box. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/your-services.png Click on Manage and then upgrade your account to a Professional Account. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/your-services.png This offers you multiple benefits. It will cost you $39.99 a month, but… No $0.99 Closing Fee for each item sold, only a monthly $39.99 subscription fee, referral fees and variable closing fees Ability to collect US sales and use taxes on your orders Customize your shipping rates and services levels for all products (except Books, Music, Videos and DVDs) Manage your inventory using feeds, spreadsheets, and reports Manage orders using order reports and order-related feeds Access Amazon Marketplace Web Service to upload feeds, receive reports, and perform other API functions Ability to offer Promotions and Gift Services Eligibility for Featured Merchant status and listing placement in the Buy Box. Simply put, If you are selling more than 40 pieces of merchandise a month, you are much better off get a pro account so you have higher profit margins. For this method to work with shopify, a Pro account is REQUIRED. Shopify Account Getting a Shopify account is extremely easy and they have a 14 day FREE trial. Head on over to Shopify.com and click on the get started box in the upper right hand corner. You will then just need to fill out your email address, password, and the store name you want to create. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/set-up-shopify-store.png Click on the big green create your store button and Shopify will start setting itself up. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/setting-up-a-store-300x177.png Connecting Shopify and Amazon For No Inventory Fulfillment Now that you have a fancy new Shopify store for free for the next 14 days, it is time to start taking advantage of what it has to offer. At first, your store will look just like this when you log in. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/brand-new-created-store-1024x631.png In the lower hand corner, you will see “Apps”. Click on this. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/apps.png What we are looking for here is an App that will fulfill all your orders for you. This is how we are going to print on demand without holding any inventory ourselves. Search for Teelaunch. It will bring up the page for this app that looks like this: https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/teelaunch-app.png Click on the big green “get” button to install this app. You will need to quickly confirm that you want to install it on your shopify store. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/install-app.png Click on Install App and let it do its thing. Once the app is installed, go back to the left hand side menu, and click on Apps again. We are about to set up this app and add our first product. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/teelaunch-1024x164.png Once you click on the app, you should see this dashboard: https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/new-product-1024x303.png Click on the Account button in the upper right hand corner. We want to make sure everything is set up to auto accept and fulfill orders. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/teelaunch-account.png https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/teelaunch-account-1.png Fill out this page making sure that the top box says “YES”. You will need to add a credit card for the orders that you send Teelaunch. While you will be paying them the base price for the shirts and other merchandise orders you send them, you will be collecting the money from the sales in the Amazon central account. You will also need to set Shopify to NOT automatically fulfill orders. To do this, go into your Shopify settings -> Checkout and then in the Order processing section, unselect to automatically fulfill the order items. In most cases “Do not automatically fulfill any of the order’s line items” will be selected which is the setting you want. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/auto-fulfill-1024x513.png Adding Your First Piece Of Merchandise Now we are finally ready to add our first piece of merch. From the teelaunch app, you will want to click on “New Product” on the bar near the top of the page. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/shirt-choices-1024x425.png This is where you can see all the products that are available for you to put your designs on! Not only can you do shirts (which is what this entire tutorial is going to go over), but as mentioned above, there are so many other pieces of merch you can print and send to customers on Amazon. All without lifting a finger for the products yourself. Teelaunch will take the orders and ship them for you while you sit back and collect money off the designs and products! For this method, we are going to be using the Gildan Unisex shirt. As you can see I have chosen that one on the screen. Once a product is chosen, scroll down to the bottom and click on “Start Designing”. This will bring up the product information and give you a little information about the shipping costs. This is also the space where you can upload your artwork to the shirts and pick what sizes and colors you want the shirt to be available in. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/publish-design-1024x536.png As you can see, using this shirt, it will cost you $8.50 as a base price and $4 shipping. Click on “Choose File” to upload your design and then play around with dragging and dropping it as well as dragging the edges out so it displays properly on the shirt you want to list. I just took one of my Merch ready shirts to display how it would look. Pick a few colors and a few sizes. Important: You will need a separate UPC code for every single color and size variation you pick. I will go into this in detail further down, but it is best to not automatically select every color and every size. Once the design is looking good, click on Review and publish Designs. This will bring up a page where you can add product tags, add your selling price, title and description. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/setting-up-shirt-1024x535.png Once you are satisfied with how everything looks, go ahead and click on publish at the bottom of the page and your shirt will start processing in all the colors and variations that you have picked. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/processing-to-store-1024x328.png This can take a little while if you pick a lot of sizes and colors. As you can see from the above picture, I have 48 different variants of just this one shirt! Once it goes through all of them, your shirt is now published in the back end of your shopify store. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/shirt-uploaded.png The entire point is to publish your goods on Amazon though right? To do this, we need to connect them now. Go back to the main shopify menu and click on “Add a sales channel”. This is BRAND new from Shopify and why I am so excited! https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/main-menu.png You can also find the same thing from the home page. It will be at the bottom. From the screenshot here, you can see you need to hit the install Amazon button to add this as a sales channel to your site. If you are new to shopify, you do NOT need to create an online store since we are interested in only selling your products on Amazon using a print on demand service (teelaunch). https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Amazon-Channel.png Once that is installed, you should see the sales channel added to the menu. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Amazon-sales-channel.png Go ahead and click on it and it will more than likely ask you to update Amazon. This is what you want to go ahead and update the sales channel. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/update-amazon-plugin.png Once it is updated, you will be able to access the page. From here, you want to be able to connect shopify to your Amazon sellers account we set up earlier. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/connect-Amazon-account-1024x176.png Click on Connect to Amazon. There is going to be a popup about Amazon MWS. You will need to agree to this. Essentially this is giving Shopify access to your seller central account so they can interact with each other properly. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/agree-to-Amazon-MWS.png Once these are connected, you will see a screen that looks similar to this. You will see that the account is connected properly: https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/account-set-up-1024x544.png Click on the Listings in the left hand corner. We want to take the shirt we just put online and then put that shirt we created in Teelaunch onto Amazon. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/sell-on-Amazon-1024x405.png Click on the sell on Amazon button. This will bring up a list of the products that you have on Shopify that you may want to sell on Amazon. Since we used Teelaunch to create a shirt, this is what is going to come up in the list. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/select-product-1024x419.png After you select the product that you want to list on Amazon, they are going to ask you if you are selling a product from another brand, or from your own brand. Select your own brand. Note: For all the Merch by Amazon users, this is your first real opportunity to build a coherent brand and put work into growing your brand on multiple sales channels. You have full control here and will even be able to respond to the reviews you get! https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/select-your-brand-1024x326.png When you pick that the product is made by your brand, you are going to come to the Amazon listing details. This is going to look very familiar to you if you have sold shirts on Merch before. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Amazon-Listing-Details-1024x540.png Enter in the title, your brand name, the bullet points, and description. You will need to pick a category and will notice that you cannot sell the shirt for both genders at the same time. That is perfectly fine, you can go back after the shirt is live, and then sell the other genders version under the same listing. Finally, when you scroll down, you will see variants that you have chosen when you were creating the shirt. There will be one for every color and size combo that you created. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Shirt-Varients.png For each variant, go through and make sure the correct colored image is showing up for the title of that variant. As you can see from the above screenshot, I made sure the Royal Blue image is showing for the royal blue variant of the shirt. SKU You will need a unique sku for every single varient of your shirt. Your visitors will never see the SKU or the UPC, but Amazon requires you to enter this information in for every shirt Variant. For the SKU, head on over to https://www.random.org/strings/ and select the following options and click go. You can generate however many strings you need by modifying the first box. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/use-for-SKUs-1024x622.png You can use each line as one of your SKUs. UPC Each product and variant must have its own UPC code. These are 12 digit codes. If you have sold on Amazon FBA before, you may have used EAN. So far with the Shopify integration, these will not work so you will need the 12 digit UPC. I highly recommend buying these on Ebay. You can get 1000’s of them for only a few dollars. Once you have them, enter a unique UPC for every variant of the product. Clothing and Apparel Category Approval You will notice that Shopify tells you that you need approval from Amazon before you can list in this category. Click on the “apply to sell in this category” link and open it in a new tab. Make sure you answer truthfully to these, but you will be auto approved in the end! https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/apply-to-category.png https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/apply-to-category-2.jpg The next step is going to be answering some questions about the images you will use. Go through the questionnaire and make sure you answer them all properly. Remember that the images you will be using are being pulled from Teelaunch so they are all good to go with Amazon’s requirements. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Amazon-image-requirements-1024x515.png After that is complete, fill out the information and submit your application! https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/submit-clothing-application.png After you hit Submit Application you will now be instantly approved and can go back to your shirt listing you were working on in the other tab! Finishing Amazon Listing Now that you have your SKUs and UPCs listed on each variant of the product, it is now time to submit your product listing. If everything has been entered properly, your listing will go through! https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/listing-created-30-min-to-live-1024x173.png As you can see from the image above, the listing has been successfully submitted to Amazon. Your listing should be listed in a pending status. This generally will change within 30 minutes to live and you will have a link to your product on Amazon.com. Note On Shipping When your product finally goes live and you check it, you might notice that the shipping is higher than you expected. Well, you can change this! The shipping is all controlled within your Amazon seller central account. Head on over to your Amazon account and find the Shipping Settings and then Shipping Templates. Click on Edit Template and then you will be able to pick what type of shipping you will charge your customers. As you can see from the screenshot, I decided to change shipping from $4.49 for everyone, to $2.99 for the lower 48 states. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/shipping-times-1024x461.png ROI Calculations This is going to vary per shirt depending on what you price at. Keep in mind that with certain products you may be making a lot larger percentage. You might be making 100% ROI with yoga mats for example. For shirts though, if you are pricing at 17 dollars, and charging 3 dollars shipping, then the total charge will be around $20. With Amazon fees around $3, and the t-shirt costing you $12.50 (cost of the shirt plus shipping) and a 30c Shopify fee, this leaves you around $4.25 profit for something you never touched! Scale that up by a few hundred if not thousands of shirts you are making great money. Scale it up even further with the multitude of products you can reuse your designs on, and now you are talking about MASSIVE money, all from your original designs. Getting Your First Sale on Shopify with Amazon Now with your listings live, you are probably going to get some sales. When you get a sale, they will show up in Shopify (as well as seller central). Make sure you are only dealing with the orders through Shopify though. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/first-order.png Getting your first order feels great! What is even better though is that from here it is 100% hands off. If you go back down to apps and then go into the Teelaunch app, you should see this: https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/teelaunch-production-1024x360.png Without touching it, your shirt is now being made with Teelaunch and will be shipped to your customer as soon as it is complete. This is possible for t shirts and all other products that teelaunch offers. Fulfilling Orders Manually If your orders are not automatically going through to Teelaunch, you will need to do them manually. The only reason this may be happening is that the Shopify/Amazon integration is BRAND NEW and I have been assured by higher ups that this is being worked on and will be fixed soon if anyone does encounter it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qF9EMFzsXOI Getting Revenue From Amazon In order to get your money from your seller account on Amazon to your bank account, you need to have a few things. The first thing is that you must have valid credit card information on file for verification and billing purposes. This is why you added this when you set up your seller account. The second thing you must have is valid bank account information so a transfer can occur. This can be added in the “my profile” section of your seller central account. Basically the way it will work is that after you get a sale, it will show up in your Shopify account. Once the order is marked “fulfilled”, the buyer will be emailed to let them know that their product is on the way. The funds held within Amazon will be deposited to your account every 14 days. The good news is that you can request funds faster than that! Here is what Amazon has to say on the subject. https://merchinformer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/amazon-payment.png Wrapping It Up The Shopify/Amazon integration represents a REAL massive opportunity in the print on demand space and is going to see plenty of people make millions of dollars a year. In order to take advantage of this opportunity successfully you need only a few things: Know what sells on Amazon Be willing to WORK and scale your business Know how to properly optimize your Amazon listings If you are not hopping on this opportunity today, you are 100% leaving money on the table that is there for the taking. There is zero need to run traffic, zero inventory to hold, and 100’s if not 1000’s of possibilities for making money with the crazy selection of products you can now put for sale on Amazon. That about raps it up ladies and gentlemen. Any questions ask them below. submitted by /u/W1ZZ4RD to r/Entrepreneur [link] [comments]

This is the story of how me and my partner Desmond created a six-figure ecommerce store entirely in our spare time while working full-time jobs. (We're currently working on Candybar, a digital loyalty app for offline stores.) We did it by tapping into 2010's Singaporean pop culture just as it was beginning to emerge. Statement began as doodles in a notebook, and has since done some pretty cool things – showcases at design festivals, regular features in local media and a nice passive income stream for the two of us, as well as the opportunity to do all sorts of cool experiments we wouldn’t otherwise be able to do. Here are the lessons we’ve learnt along the way. Lesson #1: Start quickly by testing the smallest version of your idea I’ve always been a little too perfectionist about most of my ideas, but in this case I was happy to mess around because I didn’t seriously think I had any chance of going anywhere with it. So one day when I was a little bored, I decided to post the ideas on Facebook to see what my friends thought of them. On hindsight, this was a very important step, for several reasons: “Writing down” my idea to share it with others forced me to make it “real”. Putting something out puts a stake in the ground for you to subsequently rework with. A crappy draft of an idea is more actionable than a perfect-but-imaginary one. Learning that people were interested in my idea motivated me to move forward. I didn’t have ANY of the skills needed to build or run a t-shirt company, and I definitely wouldn’t have felt motivated to learn them unless I knew that people were interested in buying what I had to offer. I got buy-in from the guy who’d become my partner. Having somebody else who’s also interested in driving your project forward makes it feel much, much more real. Lesson #2 – Get feedback and buy-in from customers ASAP So great, now I had someone who wanted to help, and he had some visual design skills. He could help me do mockups in things that weren’t MS Paint. These got us from “hey, those are pretty cool ideas, I’d probably wear something like that” to “How much is this t-shirt and when can I get it?” Knowing that people wanted to actually buy these theoretical t-shirts got us motivated to figure out the t-shirt printing process. I don’t think we’d have bothered to go through all the hassle otherwise (and it would’ve been tragic if we did that, only to then print t-shirts that nobody wanted.) Lesson #3 – Learn from others in your field – they know more than you and can help you out. Ask, ask, ask. How do you go from an idea to having actual t-shirts printed? We didn’t know, so we decided to ask someone. Specifically, we sought out an older acquaintance who already had some experience selling t-shirts, and bought him dinner in exchange for his thoughts. He not only shared his experiences (successes and missteps), he gave us the contact to his t-shirt printer! Note: Please don’t be self-obsessed when you do this. What’s in it for them? How much time will you need? What exactly do you want to ask them about? What questions do you need answered? Show that you’ve done your research. And pay for the drinks or food. Be visible This would happen again and again in the history of our business: We’d be selling t-shirts at some flea market and have someone approach us offering to re-sell our products, or feature us in some publication. Some of these folks have gone on to become critical partners in our business – our best resellers and our current printers were all people we met in person while selling t-shirts at some event or another. So ask people out to coffee. Talk to suppliers, vendors, event organizers – and get to know them personally, ask them for their opinions, be genuinely curious. They will have all sorts of interesting information for you. One of our resellers opened our eyes to the wonders of courier shipping, saving us a ton of trouble. Lesson #4 – Start exchanging product for cash as quickly as you can We literally started out selling t-shirts directly through messages on a Facebook page. We didn’t have nice pictures or a “Shop” segment when we were starting out, but still managed to sell hundreds of t-shirts. We would get messages from people on Facebook and we would track their orders in a Google Sheet. It took us a while to figure out the concept of an SKU – we just used different rows and columns for different sizes! This worked fine when we were selling a few t-shirts a week, and it was possible to respond to everybody on Facebook. But once we started getting dozens of t-shirts a week, we realized it wasn’t going to be sustainable, and so we set up a “proper” ecommerce store on Storenvy. Getting cash from your first sale is a huge rush, and the sooner you get it the better – because it’ll compel you to do more. The longer you defer this, the likelier you are to get bogged down with details. Lesson #5 – Focus on a niche I never set out to be a “Singaporean” brand – I just wanted to make t-shirts that I liked. But it just so happened that some of the t-shirts I wanted had a local flavor to them, and those were the t-shirts that resonated resoundingly with people. So we followed the money and doubled down on that, making more and more t-shirts in the style that our customers wanted (while continuing to establish our overall brand), The litmus test is this: what can I say to one person about my t-shirts that would get them excited enough to tell somebody else about it? Lesson #6 – Celebrate your customers and they’ll adore you for it This came very naturally to us – we were very excited to see that people liked our t-shirts enough to post pictures of themselves wearing them, so we were eager to share and celebrate that success with the rest of our page, as well as on Instagram. We started getting a lot of word-of-mouth. People would literally ask their friends on Facebook “Hey, where’d you get that shirt?”, and the wearer would tag us in the comments, and we’d get an order (or five) from the friend. Lesson #7 – Prioritize a few essential things You DON’T need to do EVERYTHING. There are a lot of extensive guides available online with a massive list of all the possible things that you could do. But it’s entirely possible to make several thousand bucks with just Facebook messages and a Google spreadsheet. You don’t need to be on all the channels – it’s much better to focus on one or two channels and really build great relationships with customers there, than to try and be everywhere all at once. One thing we did always prioritize was giving our customers the best experience we could. In the early days, we’d often go out of our way to help people with replacements and urgent deliveries if possible. We couldn’t sustainably scale that, but it definitely made an impression on our earliest customers and got us a lot of positive word-of-mouth. Lesson #8 – Value your time, pay for useful services. We also setup a proper ecommerce store to save us the trouble of having to manually enter sales data – we started out on StoreEnvy because it’s free, and then moved to Shopify because we wanted more features and functionality. With the benefit of hindsight, we’d have gotten onto Shopify earlier – we were uncertain and broke so we were very skeptical of spending any sort of money, but the time and energy it would’ve saved us would’ve been worth the cost. Having all the customer data managed for you in an accessible way ALONE is more than worth the cost. Having “proper” business expenses also has a psychological effect of making it “serious”. Things we’re glad we paid for, and wish we paid for sooner: Shopify, WaveApps, Receiptful. Lesson #9 – Delegate! Figure out tasks that other people can do for you, and compensate them for it. When we started getting more orders than we could handle, we ended up hiring interns to help us out. We felt awkward at first – are we employers? Do we know how to manage other people? We basically copied what the best practices were at work – we used a Trello board to keep track of all the tasks we wanted to do, and we had fortnightly 1-1s with our interns. Different interns brought different things to the table. One helped us do photoshoots with their friends as models. Another helped to codify our processes and customer service protocol into Google docs. Lesson #10 – Write down your partnership agreement, and manage all your bills and paperwork properly, and do weekly or monthly reviews. Seriously, write down all your shit This is something we DIDN’T do, and regret. Just because you’re running a side-business doesn’t mean you can be totally lazy about it. We each put in a couple of hundred dollars to pay for the first round of t-shirts, and thought it would probably make us a couple of thousand bucks – negligible amounts we could write off. So we didn’t bother much with keeping track of the paperwork. But it’s grown to over $100,000, and figuring out all the accounting inconsistencies was a nightmare. We've actually lost several thousands this way (paying for things we didn't need and so on). Painful lesson learned! Have good meetings regularly We also didn’t meet as often as we should’ve, which meant that our business grew more slowly than we’d have liked. Having regular meetings also helps you get re-aligned on multiple things – why does your company exist? How are you making progress towards your goals? Asking these questions is a great way to stay focused and motivated. You don’t need to have meetings that go on for hours – a quick 20 minutes catchup with your co-founder can make all the difference. Questions I got from friends on Facebook: When should you set up a formal business entity? You don’t need to set this up from day 1 – that’s just a tedious distraction from the most important thing, which is making sure that people want to give you money for whatever you’re making. My recommendation is that you start thinking about it once you’ve made about a thousand dollars. In our case, we didn’t bother until we needed a company bank account to receive payment from some particular vendor. Should you use accounting software, apps, etc? Yes! It took us way too long to bother with this because we were trying to keep our costs low, but this is a bad place to try to cut costs. Keeping rigorous track of your invoices is crucial – it gives you peace of mind, it helps you understand your business better, etc. How do you run meetings? There’s a lot of meeting hate in the world, but it’s really bad meetings that are bad. Effective meetings can be short, snappy, energizing and even exciting. We resolve things together and we have new ‘next actions’ to drive the business forward. How do you move forward when you don’t know what you’re doing? Seriously – just try something. Ideally you'd have a list of ideas, and a framework for prioritizing those, but if you're feeling stuck, just go with whatever you feel like doing! Do what you're curious about and excited by, it's a critical part of staying motivated. We never really bothered doing any serious marketing – we took a lot of pride in spending as little time and energy as possible on the project. But looking back, we could’ve done more even with the little time that we spent, by being a little more focused. Now we have to figure out what the next wave of products will be – which is a fascinating intellectual challenge – but we could’ve extracted more value, which would’ve given us more $$ – which we can then deploy towards interesting projects of our choosing. What did you learn from your customers? IRL: When we were selling t-shirts at flea markets, we initially tried to persuade people to buy t-shirts for themselves. Those people rarely needed much persuading – they either immediately noticed something they wanted, or they’d just scan everything idly and move on. We noticed, however, that quite a few groups of friends would point at some t-shirt or other and say, “Haha, that’s so John!”, or “This is totally Sally!” We realized that people liked buying gifts for friends, and so we changed our pitch from “See anything you like?” to “Do any of these remind you of our friends?” We started converting people much better, and this influenced how we sell. Online: We'd often get emails saying things like, "Can I get this within this week? It's for my brother's birthday party on Saturday", or "It's to wear to my class reunion on X date" – which gave us a much better sense of the "Jobs-to-be-done" aspect. Any questions? Happy to answer! submitted by /u/NO_LAH_WHERE_GOT to r/Entrepreneur [link] [comments]