Tiny Home Build Adopt Me

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... functions and holidays, and as home decorations. They are also used... and participate in helping to build and maintain the global heritage..., only women are allowed to adopt children as a single parent. ... name tiramisu, which means "pick me up" or "strengthen my body," ... 14th century B.C., the tiny rare fruit was cultivated in ...

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Some background: We adopted Roscoe in a very poor neighborhood. A woman found him locked in a furnace room of an apartment building. She intended to bring him to her home so he could die in peace. But then he went on to live with her for 8 years. We don't know how old Roscoe is. He lived on chicken nuggets and French fries for the past 8 years. The woman was ready to reclaim her tiny living room. We rented a moving truck and now I have an enormous cage in my home office and a new work partner. That was a year ago. Roscoe saw an avian vet who proclaimed him in dire shape and I was instructed to feed him pellet food. No one told me how long it would take for Roscoe to do more than nibble at food. He was dehydrated and malnourished and his stomach couldn't hold much. I read everything I could on best practices and advice from Reddit (and from YouTube) on how to rehab an abused and neglected bird. A year later, he still flinches at any movement. He won't allow anyone to walk behind him. He thinks men are evil. He eats constantly, but not as much variety as I'd like. I could ramble on about his seizures and black feet, but the point of this post is his feathers. When Roscoe came to live with us, he looked like he'd gone through a garbage disposal. He started dropping feathers about 4 months after living with us and eating regularly. Feathers are still dropping, but they have started to fill back in on his head. Most of his tail feathers fell out and now his balance is questionable. No, the feathers are not falling out symmetrically. Yesterday he lost a long wing feather. Poor guy will be naked at this rate. He already had a bare belly and back when we got him. One of the informational books or videos called the tail and wing feathers "luxury feathers". I have hope that he'll regrow feathers and fly someday. But if this isn't ever going to happen, I need to adjust my expectations. Diet: I'm still working to find a pellet food he'll eat regularly. I've tried several brands. I've baked birdy bread and cereal cookies. I eat it and share it with him. It's slow going, but it's going. I usually need to offer a food several times on several different days before he'll give it a chance. He's getting nuts, fruit and some veggies. I let him eat anything and everything he wanted for the first couple of months. Sort of a reward for surviving. At first he'd grab and scarf the food like it would disappear but when I patiently brought him more, he seemed confused. I don't dare touch his food dishes or he gets mad. It's like he still doesn't trust that his food will stay available. Eating is now one of his favorite things. I just wish I could get him to eat more veggies (and pellets). I'm open to all tips! You might notice his bent right wing feathers in the pictures. Roscoe has seizures every 3-4 months. Scared the crap out of me the first time it happened. I suspect it's due to a lack of sunlight but the vet wasn't able to tell me more without more extensive testing ($$$). My question: For those of you who have cared for a similiar parrot, did their feathers fall out when they started getting healthy? And if so, when do they return? Besides a healthy, balanced diet, are there any foods to specifically target with feather growth? Again, tips and advice welcome! submitted by /u/SnooChickens3945 to r/Macaws [link] [comments]

- All blue needs except ride/walk tasks - Has playground task - Glitched Tiny Home LF 17+ submitted by /u/CompetitionFormer533 to r/RobloxAdoptMeTrade [link] [comments]

EDIT: This was written before the announcement of Heeseung's departure and makes no reference to that. If there are blank spaces, it is because that is where photos were (proofs and screenshots), but this sub does not allow for photos to be added to the body of text. Please take this with a grain of salt. My attempt at humor may not be everyone's taste and that is okay. Generalizations may be made, but not meant to be deep. This is based on my lived experience. Obviously when i say c-fans and you have two cousins in China who aren't like that, i am not talking about them. This is long. You are not obligated to read it, but if you do, I am grateful! Please share your thoughts! Save for later :) Synopsis I’ve been a K-pop fan since 2016. Specifically BTS. I was what you would call an International Stan, which is really just a fancy way of saying emotionally invested but geographically blocked. I still am an i-fan, of course, but less so in recent years. This is the story of exactly that. People think they understand what it’s like to be a k-fan because they visited Seoul for 10 days and bought 3 albums at Myeongdong. Sweet. Adorable. But living in East Asia as a fangirl? That’s a completely different psychological experiment. As an international fan (especially an American one), your experience is… controlled. Safe. Curated. You get a concert. Maybe a hi-touch if the gods are smiling. Possibly a video call fansign if your bank account sacrifices itself. And then you go home. You shower. You return to normal society. There is distance. Healthy distance. You are limited to asian twitter stans keeping you updated on the day-to-day, should you even care. I would argue geography is the only thing preventing many I-fans from becoming sasaengs. I said what I said. We have boundaries because we have oceans. K-pop is a bubble and your direct environment doesn't live in it. Chapter 1 When I first started stanning, I lived in Europe. Then in 2018 I moved to South America. Then in 2019 I moved to the U.S. Then COVID said “actually no” and I went back to South America after 11 months. Basically, I was doing a world tour. Unlike my faves. Fast forward to 2023. I move to China. And this! This is where the villain origin story begins. Now, up until this point, I had a very normal i-fan life. I had seen Blackpink on their Born Pink tour in Abu Dhabi. My only k-pop concert. And it came about simply because I happened to be in the same place at the same time. Coincidence. The rest of my fangirl life was limited to shoddy weverse livestreams and reruns of Run BTS. BTS goes on group hiatus and I, like many people, miss the chaos of group dynamic. And so i diversify. A hybe stan has been born. TXT, Enhypen, Seventeen, Boy Next Door, &team. After a while, The Boyz, P1Harmony, NCT127 and Zico join the ranks. My multi-stan portfolio. Now I’m in Beijing. Two. Hours. From. Seoul. Suddenly the forbidden fruit is within reach. Artist appearances? Possible. Encore concerts? Possible. Offline fansigns? Possible. Comeback shows? Possible. Airport sightings? Apparently… very possible. At first it doesn’t even register. This life never existed in my brain before. I was a “wait for the world tour” kind of girl, even though i never actually went to the world tour. But i'm here now and it takes a while before all of this registers in my brain. Chapter 2 Now let’s talk about China. Because we have the firewall. To access “outside” sites, you need a VPN. Which I am using right now to expose myself. This becomes important. Six months in, I’m settled. I’m thriving. I’m now tuned in to Weverse notices like it’s the stock market. Enhypen announces their new tour: Walk The Line. I am a newborn Engene. Fresh. Fragile. Delusional. I buy my first membership ever. I feel official. Legitimate. Recognized by the universe. Ticketing opens. I study Global Interpark like it’s the LSAT. And then… They start cracking down on bots. Which sounds amazing in theory. Except I am not a bot. I am simply a girl. In China. With a VPN. Which the system cannot emotionally differentiate from a criminal. I fail. The site blocks me. My dreams? Also blocked. I give up because I don’t even know what I’m missing yet. I have never truly experienced much k-pop in real life so emotionally, i am fine. At this point, I have not yet joined chinese social media like Douyin and Xiaohongsu. Then summer hits. Enhypen’s Tokyo shows are announced and I hear Japanese ticketing is basically the Hunger Games. I think to myself, chances are low but never zero. I give it a shot. And then somehow (for reasons i do not know but i also don't care about), the Japanese site does NOT clock my VPN. God intervened. I get tickets. I am going to my first Enhypen concert. In Tokyo. I am levitating. I fly in for a 3 day trip. I arrive early because this is Japan and I don’t know the social rules at these concerts and I refuse to accidentally disrespect anyone’s lightstick etiquette. Ajinomoto Stadium. I am here. I sit down. I have a terrible view, but I am on a high! Start talking to my seatmate. And within 5 minutes of looking around I realize… My entire section is Chinese. Every. Single. Person. And it makes sense. The Japanese site allowed access. So we all migrated like emotionally unstable birds. The girl next to me? YingYing. Her bias is Jay. How do I know? Not because of the GIANT fan she carries with his face on it. But because she is the ONLY PERSON in our otherwise polite, composed Japanese stadium screaming his name. I start a conversation and thankfully she speaks a bit of English because my Mandarin is abysmal. I immediately clock her get-up. My girl has binoculars. She has multiple sources for hydration. She has a decorated lightstick. She has two phones. She has two powerbanks. She hands me a freebie. An experienced k-pop stan. My first encounter in the wild. Meanwhile, I am there. With nothing. I had planned to buy a lightstick at the venue but apparently you were supposed to buy it on Weverse and pick it up at the venue, which I did not know. My single powerbank has died already so I stop recording the concert because I still need my phone to get home. I don't know many things at this point. My single bottle of water had finished hours earlier so at this point I am withering away in the scorching heat. YingYing. We exchange info. We bond. It’s beautiful. Concert ends. Life is good. Now here’s where things shift. Chapter 3 I have some friends in Seoul from my days at uni. I had been to Seoul 3 times before my big move to Asia to visit them, get plastered on soju and update my face. I start flying to Seoul monthly. Not for idols. For vibes and to give in to my insecurities and succumb to beauty standards. There is something about being in this city and just seeing ads all over with your fave's face on it, hearing your favorite music outside, seeing people with photocards on their bag, that just hits different. The bubble i mentioned earlier. I am in it. The bubble has burst. There is no such thing as a bubble here. At the Beijing airport, I start to notice something strange. The check-in line always full of girls. No luggage. Just massive professional cameras. I land in Seoul. Arrivals is packed. Clearly someone is coming. And I stay. Because curiosity is my fatal flaw. And out walks Seventeen’s The8. Looking fine, might I add. He walks. The girls run. It’s chaos. He leaves. And then I witness something that changes my brain chemistry forever: The girls… go back to departures. They fly back. They flew to Seoul. To see him walk through an airport. And then flew home. I am standing there holding my carry-on, questioning my entire understanding of devotion. I have flown Beijing–Seoul 16 times and they are always there. Always. Locked in. Cameras ready. No luggage. Just commitment. My mind is blown. Meanwhile, I’m living peacefully as an Engene. Nothing has really changed for me yet since my first experience. It's still not clicking in my brain. I'm still a normal i-fan. And then I see Enhypen will be in China. For a fansign. And I think to myself: “Oh how nice. I’ve never been to one. That would be cute.” Oh. Sweet. Naïve. Me. Chapter 4 The updates for this fansign are posted on Weibo. And thus begins my descent into Chinese social media. I download the apps. I make the accounts. I step through the digital gates like: “I’m just here to look.” Famous last words. The eligibility is simple. Classic K-pop capitalism: The more albums you buy, the higher your chances. I don’t even attempt it. I am not an album hoarder. I am not building a shrine. What am I supposed to do with 50 identical albums? Tile my bathroom? No. But then I see something. The Polaroid fansign. One-on-one. You and your favorite member. A photo. Intimate. Exclusive. Tangible delusion. Apparently, you can just… pay. Oh. I am an adult. I have adult money. I can absolutely pay to take a Polaroid with the cutie that is Jungwon. I begin justifying it immediately. “This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.” “This is cultural research.” “I live in Asia now.” Then reality slaps me across the face. Jungwon: $15,000. Fifteen. Thousand. Green. American. Dollars. I close the page so fast I nearly sprain my thumb. Listen. I might be crazy. But I am not fifteen-thousand-dollars-for-a-polaroid crazy. However. If this had been Jungkook? That is a different internal conversation. But I am saving for the BTS World Tour that will one day resurrect me spiritually. More power to you, Chinese Engenes. But now? Now I’m on Chinese socials. I’m tuned in. LOCKED in. And here’s the plot twist: I can access ticketing sites for Hong Kong. Macau. Taiwan. No VPN drama. No Interpark trauma. Just vibes. And so my real journey begins. I go. See. Everyone. Casual fan? I’m there. Die-hard stan? I’m there. Group I barely know three songs from? I’m seated respectfully. During 2025 I see: BoyNextDoor, TWS, IVE, Aespa, Stray Kids, Close Your Eyes, AHOF, MEOVV NMIXX, NCT Wish, NEXZ, Hearts2Hearts, KiiiKiii, ZEROBASEONE, The Boyz, Ha Sungwoon, Cravity At this point I am not a fan. I am infrastructure. I am frequent flyer platinum. I am scanning schedules before managers. I am HER. Now. Let’s talk about Chinese fan culture at concerts. There are no rules. No etiquette. No mercy. If you collapse in the front row, you will be stepped over like a minor inconvenience. Do not get between a girl and her fancam. We do not scream. We do not dance. We DEFINITELY do not wave lightsticks wildly. You may bring your lightstick. But it is decorative. It is not to obstruct the 4K zoom lens. We live for the fancam. And because most of the shows I attended were seated? I survived. Untouched. Unproblematic. For now. Chapter 5 Then. Enhypen announces encore concerts in Seoul. Remember how I was blocked from Korean ticketing because of VPN discrimination? Exactly. So I don’t even try that hard. But I am now spiritually bonded to Weverse. No notice escapes my household. And then. The raffle notice drops. Raffle? I’ve never entered one. I’m about to ignore it because again, I will not be bulk buying albums like I’m restocking a warehouse. Then I read carefully. Membership holders. Only. Months ago, in a moment of delusion, I bought the Engene membership. It has been sitting there. Unused. Judged. Forgotten. This is my redemption arc. I enter. I win. I WIN. No Interpark. No VPN warfare. God said: “Fine. You’ve suffered enough.” Not only do I win. I win soundcheck. My first ever soundcheck. This. This is the concert that awakens my inner bitch. Because up until now? I am nice. I mind my business. I am an extroverted introvert. The girls who get it, get it. The concert is standing. I hate standing concerts. I despise them. But for Enhypen? We endure. The ticket has a zone number and an entry number. I do not know what this means. I show up early at KSPO Dome because this is my first Korean concert and I am determined to be culturally respectful. Immediately I notice: Everyone is Chinese. A few scattered foreigners. The rare Korean. But mostly? My people. I feel a strange kinship with c-fans. I too, am now 'from China'. Then I start observing. The platform shoes. Six inches minimum. Structural engineering marvels. And the phone rental lady. With literal suitcases of phones. I am staring at her like she’s a mythical creature. Time to line up. My number is 101. Here is what I did not understand: 101 means I must be the 101st person in line. It is self-regulated. Self. Regulated. I accidentally stand too far forward and the girl with a lower number looks at me like I just committed a felony. The shame. I quietly reposition myself to my legally assigned spot. Everyone in my line is Chinese. At this point I feel adopted. We enter. And somehow I secure third row from barricade. I have never been this close to a stage in my life. The C-engenes around me seem nice. For now. Then she arrives. The girl behind me. Within seconds I know this is going to be war. Nothing is happening yet. We are just standing. Why are you pushing me? Soundcheck starts. And this girl is attempting to merge her body through mine to reach Jungwon. While yelling his name in the most unhinged baby voice you can imagine. “Jungwonnnnnieeeee~” I feel my soul leaving my body. I politely ask her to stop pushing me. Twice. She does not. I cannot move. I am compressed. I am experiencing crowd-based suffocation. The girls around me do not move. Jake says: “PUT YOUR HANDS UP!” Absolutely not. Hands stay DOWN. Arms glued to sides. We are statues. We are filming. Dancing is illegal. Breathing is optional. I survive almost the entire concert before I surrender. I politely ask if I can pass through to leave. And for the first time all night? They smile at me. Great concert. Terrible concert experience. Chapter 6 I return to China. Deflated. Emotionally bruised. Spiritually aged. I look in the mirror and whisper: “I am too old for this.” Like I just came back from war. But then. A thought. If Chinese fans can’t access ticketing sites from China… Why was the venue in 87% Chinese? Not everyone won a raffle. Not everyone is God’s favorite. So what is happening. Who would know? YingYing. I had completely forgotten about YingYing, Jay’s personal hype machine, but I message her like: “Hey bestie. Hypothetically… how are y’all everywhere?” She replies immediately. Turns out she went to the Seoul concerts too. Of course she did. So I unload. I air out my grievances like I’m filing a formal complaint with the universe. How do C-fans get tickets? How are they at every fansign? How do they always know schedules before Weverse even blinks? Why are they omnipresent? Are they government funded? Reminder: I am now on Chinese social media. I have seen the sasaeng accounts. I have seen the flight screenshots. I have seen the hotel lobby livestreams. My algorithm is concerning. YingYing says: “Girl I got you.” Those four words altered my brain chemistry. She adds me to a WeChat group.Three hundred members. It’s an Engene group. I. Am. Floored. And slightly disgusted. But also deeply intrigued. Like when you know you shouldn’t open the comments section but you absolutely will. I do not announce myself. I do not speak. My Chinese is still mid and my morals are in observation mode. I am a spy. A National Geographic correspondent embedded in the wild. I scroll. The group has leaders. Hierarchy. Structure. This is not chaotic fangirling. This is a corporation. About 4–5 core Engenes running operations. This is Jay’s c-bar. Thank you, YingYing. Of course it’s Jay’s. And then I see it. Fundraising posts. But not for birthday billboards. Not for subway ads. For scheduling information. Flight details. Hotel information. Car routes. They pool money to buy intel. Buy. Intel. There are payment screenshots. Contribution lists. Spreadsheets. If you donate, you get access. Premium subscription: Stalker Edition. They are also collecting funds to send one of the leaders to Seoul to “camp.” Camp. Which sounds cute. It is not cute. Camping means positioning yourself near dorms, hotels, airports. Stalking, if you will. Everyone who donates gets access to whatever she gathers. Photos. Movements. Confirmations. It is crowdsourced surveillance. Or, again, stalking. And I’m just sitting there. Scrolling. Silent. Horrified. But not leaving. Because I need to understand. Because I moved two hours from Seoul and accidentally unlocked a level of fandom I was never meant to see. And suddenly I realize: The girls at the airport with no luggage? They are not random. They are coordinated. And I am in the group chat. Chapter 7 I am a fly on the wall. Emphasis on fly. Because yes, I am in the groupchat. But I am not in the inner circle. I am not trusted. I am not initiated. I am observing. This is Jay’s c-bar. But here’s the thing. It’s just one of many. Every major city has its own groupchat. I’m in the Beijing one. There’s Shanghai. Guangzhou. Shenzhen. Probably cities I’ve never even heard of. It’s like regional government branches, but make it fandom. Each city has leaders. And then, above them, there is a separate leader chat. The High Council, if you will. Information flows down. Funds flow up. My group leader is Xiangying. Do I know what Xiangying looks like? No. How old she is? No. What she does for a living? No. Is she 19? Is she 32? Is she a finance executive? A law student? A secret agent? I know nothing. All I know is that she runs this chat like the navy. This is not a hobby group. This is a command center. There are unspoken rules. You feel them before you read them. Rule number one: Jay. Priority. Focus. Oxygen. We do not actively hate the other members. We simply… do not care. Do not discuss them. Do not compare. Absolutely no ships. This is not Wattpad. This is Jay’s bar. Luckily for morale, Jay is a main vocal. He gets lines. He gets screentime. He gets visibility. Which means the groupchat is usually in good spirits. If he had zero lines? I fear we would witness civil unrest. Then. It’s comeback season. Enhypen announces a January comeback. The chat transforms. People lock in like it’s tax season. Now remember: accessing outside sites from China is difficult. But the bar has… people. There is always someone in Korea. Or one of the leaders will physically go to Korea. You send them your Weverse login and they will purchase albums on your behalf. For a steep fee, of course. This is concierge capitalism. The chat has goals. Not vibes. Goals. The main Jay bar leadership sets a target. This comeback? 50,000 albums. Fifty. Thousand. And that’s just for Jay’s c-bar. Each city leader is responsible for hitting their quota through their network. I don’t even know if different member bars coordinate with each other beyond logistics. But I do know this: This is industrial. There’s hierarchy. Of course there is. The more albums you buy, the more valuable you are. Fansign season is where things get intense. And here’s the twist: It’s not just entering through Weverse like a civilian. If you’ve purchased enough albums through the bar, the leaders will use your Weverse account to funnel massive group order purchases under your name. Thousands. Yes. Thousands. Your account becomes the vessel. Your odds skyrocket. You are now a strategic asset. This is no longer luck. This is engineered probability. Ticketing? Oh, that’s another ecosystem. There are c-bars. And there are scalpers. The difference? Branding. Both purchase tickets in bulk. C-bars claim it’s for internal distribution. Scalpers sell to the highest bidder. “But you can’t transfer tickets on NOL.” Yes. You can. It’s complicated. It involves automated systems I will not pretend to understand. Possibly software that exists in moral gray zones. But it is absolutely possible. Nothing is truly impossible when money and obsession combine. Now that we understand how the machine functions… We need to understand the mindset. Because that’s the part people get wrong. From the outside, it looks insane. From the inside? It feels logical. Strategic. Collective. Efficient. You are not “a crazy fan.” You are part of a mission. A data-driven, goal-oriented, performance-based operation. And I am in the groupchat. Silent. Watching. Realizing that I moved two hours from Seoul and accidentally embedded myself inside one of the most organized fandom infrastructures on earth. Chapter 8 Here’s the thing you have to understand: in this world, Jay isn’t a person. I don’t mean “I don’t care about his feelings.” I mean he literally stops being human. You know how in normal life, you think about someone’s mood, their lunch, whether they got enough sleep, whether they’re stressed? C-bar logic doesn’t work that way. Because if you see him as a person, you have limits. You empathize. You hesitate. You slow down. You question. So instead, you convert him into a system. A node. A resource. A scoreboard. A chart. Like a character in a game your playing and real life just happens to be the game. I decide I want to understand this. I want to understand the thinking behind this. Usually in the west, if someone even starts to think anything invasive, you get clocked by your fandom. And rightfully so. But here, it is sport. So I look over the members in this group and there is one person that has english in her status. So I add her. Her name is Xiaofei. I do not know anything else about her, but she speaks English and so I gradually start to get to know her. The reason for this and not my dear YingYing is because, YingYing, though she is in the chat, she isn't active. She mainly stays in there to stay up-to-date on the comings and goings but YingYing is no stalker. Thankfully. After a few days of back and forth fangirling over Jay, normal fangirling: things like his best song, his best look, his best dance etc, I move on to the important stuff. Mind you, I am a Jungwon stan but now, out of the sheer information about Jay I possess, also a Jay stan. So I ask her subtly. Jay himself, the person, probably doesn't appreciate being followed and called on his phone all day. If you love Jay, wouldn't you want him to be happy and healthy? She explains to me that Jay will be happiest when he is most successful. It is the job of the agency to keep him healthy. Wouldn't he be sad if he came to the airport and nobody was there because nobody cares? The idol-as-human is messy. The idol-as-resource is perfectly efficient. C-bar members joke about flights like stock traders talk about futures. Hotel numbers are traded like commodities. Album purchases are analyzed like microeconomic policy. It is obsession turned scientific. The girls know everything. But they are emotionally insulated. They do not stop to think: “Maybe I shouldn’t know this. Maybe it’s invasive.” Because knowing is power, and in this system, power is survival. I realize I am observing something that can’t exist in the normal world. If you treated any other human this way… it would be monstrous. But here, in this context? It’s normalized. Necessary. Rational. Xiaofeisays: “The idol is not a person. He is Jay. That’s all that matters.” And suddenly I see the clarity. The horror. The thrill. Because once you remove the humanity, all boundaries disappear. Nothing is off-limits. Every detail is fair game. Every move is a metric. Every tiny advantage counts. And you begin to understand: this is why they can buy thousands of albums, chase flights, and organize themselves with surgical precision. They aren’t cruel. They’re just… optimized. And I, sitting quietly in the chat, begin to wonder… Am I watching obsessive fandom? Or am I watching human efficiency applied to emotional obsession? And maybe, just maybe, I am starting to understand the pull. Chapter 9 I got kicked out of the group for never speaking. My time is coming to an end soon. BTS is coming back so I will put on my army hat again. Living in China can be a lonely experience. This sentiment is echoed by the few chinese friends (non kpop) i made here. To find community, purpose or meaning is difficult in this huge fast paced place and people find it in all sorts of hobbies. I empathize with these people, but i also feel guilty about doing so. I recognize the damage they cause to the real people behind the idol personas. There's probably even more similar groups for BTS and I don't want to be in them. I am a fan of RM, the artist. I do not know Kim Namjoon, the person. I wish this distinction could be made amongst these people i've come to know. They play a real-life game where the more you do, the more involved you are in these activities, the higher up the food chain you can climb. Something they probably can't achieve in other real world fields. I am leaving. I have exited. I am now limited to reddit update posts and tiktok videos. And for the first time in a while, I do not know what time Jay went home today. submitted by /u/friendlyfire_may to r/kpopthoughts [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Green_Floor4318 My (32f) boyfriend (35m) violated my trust with a female coworker to spite me Trigger Warnings: emotional abuse and manipulation, verbal abuse, gaslighting Mood Spoilers: depressing ---- Editor's note: I am adding a prior post to the original and update for more context with the said situation Extremely hurtful things were said to me during an argument with my (32f) boyfriend (35m) and I don’t know how to handle it.: June 6, 2023 We have been together for almost 2 years. We got into an argument last night, the details of which are not as important as how badly it escalated. Though I will share for context if needed. What would have been a fight an average couple has likely had at some point eventually became a screaming match on his part, with our house being trashed and me being called the worst things a man could ever say to a woman. Amongst worse things I can’t say here, I was called a piece of shit, moron, idiot, a drunk (because I had had a drink earlier on in the argument to calm my adrenaline). I again want to add that I respectfully asked for space when anger started to show and that only worsened it. nothing was broken in the house except pieces of me mentally, those words cut hard and I laid there in complete disbelief that someone who claimed to love me could seemingly hate everything about me SO much. Every word that came out of his mouth was said with such hatred and disgust. He even said at one point he wanted nothing to do with me or our baby and to get out of his life. He has since apologized and said he did not mean any of those things, but whether he did or not they absolutely mean something to me. I get that people say hurtful things when they’re upset, anyone can admit that. but I have never been called such horrible things.. his comment about the baby hurts the most. We have never fought this bad before. I’m realizing that this is a huge red flag, to be called such vile things. And why? Where did it come from except to make me feel low and worthless? I have never cheated nor disrespected our relationship, and have never been a promiscuous woman. I do have options.. either I stay here for the sake of our baby and to keep me from getting an eviction because he won’t key the apartment if I go, and he won’t leave for me to stay. I can go with family, but they are out of state, and with an eviction on my record it would be very difficult to get on my feet again.. I have destroyed my credit during this relationship, and the cost of living makes it difficult to get an apartment by myself as it is. Mentally, I feel very stuck.. part of me is hurt enough to walk out and not care about the consequences financially, but then if my baby has no contact with his father there is huge mom guilt to look forward to, uncertainty to face, grieving to do, possible regret.. I don’t know if a relationship can be repaired after something like this either though or if it just gets worse from here. I feel like I will remember this forever, even if I tried to stay and work it out. I don’t know if the hurt will ever go away. If anyone has any good advice here, I would really appreciate the unbiased opinions. If you were in my shoes, how would you handle this? TL;DR - extremely hurtful things were said to me during an argument with my boyfriend, and I don’t know if I should stay or go at this point. Some Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Notice how you worded this - “hurtful things were said to me” not “my boyfriend said hurtful things to me”. To me this says that you’re making excuses for him to detach yourself from the impact of his actions. Is this the first time something like this happened? OOP: I see what you mean and didn’t realize it. It’s a hard thing to accept when you think you love someone but there are big issues like this.. To this degree, the harsh things that were said- yes it’s the first time. In past arguments we’ve had he’s admitted to purposely saying hurtful things but not having control over it in the moment- his way of putting it is “I feel hurt so I want to hurt back”. He’s been honest about having deep insecurities and that’s usually where his comments come from with me- that I “never loved him” and I’m “just looking for a way out” when we are trying to talk through something instead of dealing with whatever the issue is at the time. Not to minimize those past instances either, just this time it felt much more like verbal abuse to belittle me than someone making a mistake out of hurt. Commenter 2: There's an online book called "why does he do that" that will likely be an eye-opening read for you. Do not confront him directly for now. I'd recommend reading the book and taking a solid day or two to think on it before you even try to make any decisions. It is very likely that your current situation and lack of options are deliberate to keep you trapped. It is also very likely that he will now cycle into the "sweet" phase and be the bestest boyfriend in the whole world and shower you with attention to keep you with him. Reread this post when he does. Remember how you feel right now. It's sad when a child can't have regular contact with both parents. It's way, WAY sadder when a child is abused. OOP: I will definitely give it a read. Thank you for the recommendation. I am definitely in the midst of the cycle of sweet-sour-sweet, that much I have recognized and I fall for it every time. He is deeply traumatized from his childhood, past relationships (he was mentally and verbally abused in both situations) and has a lot of resentment toward his mother. So in a weird way, I’ve always felt like I understood why he was like this. Does it make it ok? Definitely not.. that’s the part I am struggling with. And I don’t know if it is completely naive of me to think that it’s a form of unconditional love to accept someone’s imperfections, as bad as this might be, and try to “love” them out of their trauma. It sounds pretty in my head, but is it realistic? I don’t know. I know it isn’t good for children to be subjected to this. That’s where my head and heart separate. Kids need to see loving parents. And he does, the majority of the time. But I think if this is something that I can’t fix, I am afraid of him growing up remembering this about his parents or learning it himself. It is very hard to be in this position. I appreciate all of your advice here. Thank you 🙏. Commenter 2: It's definitely hard to be in your position! It's possible, though unlikely, that he can be a good father while being a bad boyfriend. If that's the case, you two can coparent amiably without being together, and your child will have the best of both worlds. People who are abused often fall to the two extremes - either they become perfect targets for repeated abuse because they're conditioned to accept it, or they become abusers themselves out of fear and conditioning. His abuse likely DID drive him to where he is now. But that's an explanation, not an excuse. Those of us who have seen that path know, firsthand, what it's like to be on the receiving end of that behavior. He has more reason than anyone to NOT be a shit. He could have seen what he was doing and sought help in breaking the pattern. He didn't. There are some problems that you can love a partner through, and support them growing out of. However, he does not want to change, and on a deeper level your love cannot truly reach him because he sees you as lesser. If he saw you as an equal things would be much different, but as it is there is nothing you can do to fix this. All you can do is mitigate the damage. OOP: Expanding on what you said about patterns, yeah.. we are an interesting mix. I’ve experienced trauma and abuse as a child as well, on top of DV from my last relationship. it’s harder for me to get myself out of unhealthy situations because I am used to it. This is the most loving relationship I have had, except for this issue. I don’t know how read the room as far as hey- maybe this is happening because you’re allowing it or reinforcing the behavior. My issue, a trigger for him I’ve noticed, is I shut down when I feel any negative emotion, especially when I feel hurt. I retreat. He, on the flip side, is the one who hurts because he has been hurt and that’s all he knows. It’s a defense mechanism and that’s what helps him feel better about his negative emotions in the moment. I know his guilt is genuine. But where to draw the line is something I can probably never see, unless things were to get physical. It saddens me to think about that- that he sees me as lesser. That’s probably the cold hard truth. Hurts to think about. Something I need to consider for sure. OOP should stop making excuses for her boyfriend especially with his abusive behaviors OOP:: You’re absolutely right. Just like children of drug addicts don’t automatically become drug addicts. I watched my parents use and would never touch a single drug because of it. Even though my intentions are good, I know deep down the option of staying is showing him it’s ok. Commenter 3: This incident sounds terrible in itself, and I suspect he is more mentally abusive in other ways you aren't noticing. It's better to raise a child as a single parent than subject them to abuse. OOP: You are probably right. Definitely something I need to be thinking about as well.   Editor's note: below are the comment and OOP's response leading to the original title post Commenter 4: I would love to know what started the fight and how it escalated. There's a lot of passive language in your post that makes it hard to tell if you're trying to minimize YOUR role or minimize HIS role. ("our house being trashed" - did you partake in the trashing, or was it all him?) My rule of thumb is that so long as nobody is physically assaulted, as a couple you can get ONE fight like this. The reaction to the fight has to be a serious commitment to change: if he has a history of lashing out and being intentionally hurtful when he feels hurt, that would mean he needs therapy. And maybe there's couples therapy in there, too, but it starts with him getting into therapy as a condition of you continuing the relationship. But also: going home and dealing with the eviction is better than staying with the wrong person. If you can't get over this - and it's okay if you can't - then deal with the eviction later. (He may be bluffing about getting himself evicted to get it on your record. If he's not "leaving an abusive partner" is a pretty good explanation). As for your child having a relationship with their father, that's on him: he can figure out how to show up in your life in a healthy way if he wants a relationship with his kid. OOP: Sure, I don’t mind sharing I just kept details out for length. I am long winded as it is. Here is how it started. We have had an issue with boundaries surrounding a female coworker. Not cheating, just too much out-of-work contact and sharing personal things about our relationship business. she did the same with him. He would call her for rides to and from work when I was fully available. We discussed both sides, and agreed that contact would be limited with this person. Well, it came up again. He got very annoyed. So I wanted to drop it and left the room. I was busy with the baby for 10-15 minutes feeding and changing him. He thought I was ignoring him. He threatens to move out because I’m “weird and bipolar” I did not engage in throwing things around, shouting back or name calling. That went on for a good hour or so. A giant tantrum if you will that kept getting worse because I shut down and stopped responding. It only stopped because he had to leave for work. That’s what gave him the time and distance to calm down   Editor’s note: below is the original title post Original Post: July 30, 2023 (over 1.5 months later from the previous post) We have had fights about a particular coworker because they were spending a lot of time texting and FaceTiming outside of work. He is her boss and they work very closely together. The last fight we had, it was agreed that he’d keep things professional from now on, because the communication was excessive and I was not comfortable with it. I want to add, I am not a jealous person - he has plenty of female friends that I don’t think twice about or complain about. but I have specific reasons why their friendship outside of work made me uncomfortable. She is the only one I’ve asked him to limit contact with. Today, I found out he had spent the last couple of weeks talking to her on the phone outside of work for long periods of time. I calmly asked him about it and what was going on/why it was happening again after we agreed to set boundaries. His response was that we were fighting and he did it to purposely hurt me. He spent large amounts of time on the phone with another woman to make me feel hurt because we were fighting. I feel like my trust has been completely violated, they spent time on the phone at late night hours (we all work graveyard but still) this was happening while they were both off and I was at work none the wiser. Not once, but multiple nights over the last couple of weeks. I feel humiliated. I am feeling like this is a dealbreaker for me. This seems really inappropriate and immature, like he went running to another woman for comfort, a woman he knows very well I am not comfortable with. I guess I am just looking for some feedback as to whether I’m overreacting or this is just really shitty of him and I have a right to be upset.. any answers are appreciated. What do you think? What should I do about this? Is it a violation of our relationship, enough to consider breaking up? TL;DR - my (32f) boyfriend (35m) has been talking to a female coworker outside of work to spite me/hurt me because we were fighting and I’m wondering if I should end things Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Yep, you're right to want to break up. He actually admitted to wanting to hurt you out of spite, that's seriously fucked up. No healthy relationship dynamic includes "we had a fight so I'm going to go back on my word and break your trust because I want to see you hurt". That's so toxic. I know that's an overused buzzword, but so applicable here. OOP: Seriously, it made me sick to my stomach and get the ick. We are in our thirties for crying out loud. I’m too old for this Commenter 2: This is not just infidelity or a violation of trust, it's a lot worse than that. People reveal their true colors during fights and crises. He got spiteful and decided to hurt you where he knew it'd hurt. At best, this is petty and immature. At worst... My dad is like that. Arguments and fights with him get pretty ugly, because he would say exactly what would hurt you the most at that moment (even if it's not actually true). My mom figured it out pretty early on when they were at their late twenties I think, before they had me and my sisters, but still she didn't leave. She decided to learn to cope with it and she stuck with him to this day. He has never changed, and we're all paying the price for it. He makes for a seriously shitty dad. You're right to be upset with him and this is definitely a deal breaker. He'll probably make it seem like you're overreacting, but you're not. Don't stay. OOP: Actually, he is a lot like this.. I have unfortunately done the same, stayed and hoped we’d outgrow it. naively. And now this. And yes, he thinks I’m overreacting 🙄. Commenter 3: How did you find out? If he did it to purposely hurt you then he told you about it right? He said, for WEEKS I’ve been maintaining a relationship with someone you told me not to, behind your back, to upset you. If anything I wrote is wrong then he’s a liar - if he didn’t tell you, then he hid it, and it wasn’t about hurting you it was about his desires. OOP: I have him and my brother on my phone plan, and I go over my bill in detail every month mostly to give my brother the amount he owes because it changes from time to time. I recognize her number and my bill displays a detailed call log, that’s where I noticed. So I immediately asked him hey what’s this about? Seems like you two have been talking a lot? And that was his response. He said he knows I see the bill and that I’d see it on there. Whether there is more to it or not, I’m appalled by that alone. He’s not much of a talker on the phone, so I was immediately suspicious Commenter 3: While managing his phone for him (I assume you don’t pay it!) he wants you to be upset? He sounds so mean. OOP: I do pay it :/ he called me “toxic” for looking at the call log. Said I was “spying”. I have never, ever looked through his actual phone and wouldn’t. He even offered for me to read their messages, which in a sick way I appreciate, but said no thanks. This has already kinda tainted my trust and I’m sure I’d take the littlest thing out of context, and I don’t want to hurt more than I already am. I’d rather not see. Commenter 4: The fact that he is FaceTiming with a subordinate outside of work is highly inappropriate. He is one misstep away from getting fired. Any adult who lacks that level of judgment is not someone you should want in your life. Him doing it to hurt you is just the cherry on top of the turd sundae. OOP: Funny enough like most places, it’s very frowned upon to have personal relationships/friendships with subordinates at the company we work for. We work for the same company, different locations. He’s a salaried employee. Wouldn’t look good at all. What concerns me most, is that is how we met as well. Huge red flag. I’m not taking this lightly at all Commenter 5: It was already the reddest of flags that he was being anything other than strictly professional with his direct report. OOP: You’re not wrong, but tbh, that’s how we met. Although, I did not start dating him OR talking to him at all outside of a professional capacity until almost a year after he moved locations. But, knowing it’s how we met, makes me all the more suspicious about it OOP responds to a comment asking about "specific reasons"? OOP: Ok, here goes. This girl has slept with/had some kind of situationship with at least 3 other people there. One of those guys is in a new relationship, and she’s caused issues in their relationship as well. She has invited my bf out to party at a bar knowing he’s in a relationship. Not US, but him. He didn’t go, but still bothered me on her end. There were two instances where the FaceTiming happened while I was around, once she was wearing either a sports bra or tiny crop top, another time I heard her say “I’m in the shower”. Umm, why answer then? The first instance, he looked shocked and turned his phone away a little bit. And personally, she is well aware of me and our relationship - I don’t understand why another woman would willingly talk to someone else’s boyfriend on the regular at those hours. I wouldn’t do it to another woman, so I have little respect for her. She was also over at our place once (with one of the other guys she was “seeing”) and never spoke to me or introduced herself. She was kinda drunk but still rubbed me the wrong way. Commenter 6: Sounds like he simply made a friend at work and doesn't seem to be going beyond friendly interactions. In my opinion, you're overthinking this whole situation. Maybe you feel hurt over him getting back at you, however your initial request can also be seen as unreasonable and overbearing. Imagine your face when he tells you your direct reports or supervisor gives him the creeps and demands you interact with him/her as little as possible. This directly impacts your ability to build trust with colleagues, especially when you're a supervisor to any capacity and hope to move up the ladder. To be so hurt like you are over his retaliation is immature, when you're the one unable to provide rational justifications to make your demands of him. As far as I know, maintaining work relationships is time consuming and furthermore time consuming as a mentor to lower level colleagues. Why can't he promote a healthy work environment and be a decent human being? To my understanding, you've had no reason to believe they're anything but professional and courteous. Even to the end of your post, you never clarified a legitimate reason why you're uncomfortable with this girl talking to the bf. If it's really just you being insecure, there's no reason why you shouldn't reconsider your own behavior up to this point. OOP: I provided the reasons in another comment on here, I don’t know how to quote it but it’s on here. Where we work, there is a work provided chat app to communicate with colleagues. I am also in a management position, and there is no need to communicate or network outside of work. It’s retail. He has other female friends from work, and I don’t have any issues with them. This is based on non-work related contact. I have actually had him ask me not to communicate with two different coworkers and did so no questions asked, it hadn’t affected my job in any way. Not being combative, I appreciate your perspective, just providing a response Does OOP and her boyfriend live together? Does she notice him on his phone more than usual? OOP: Yes, we live together. He’s on the phone quite a bit whether it’s text, FaceTime or phone calls, to various people. I assume all are just friends or family for the most part. We have been together for 2 years OOP responds to multiple comments about why she is still with her boyfriend based on the previous post OOP: We have a baby, and largely because we are bound to this lease agreement until next summer.. me leaving is starting from square one, going back to stay with family in another state for a while, and getting humbled and back on my feet on my own. It scares me. My baby being so far from his father and the uncertainty of my future as rough as things are with the cost of living nowadays. All of this coupled with that small glimmer of hope that things could change for the better. I see now that they aren’t. I’m preparing myself for the tough road of rebuilding ahead.   Update: August 1, 2023 (two days later) So as I mentioned, once we were both home from work I told him we need to talk. The conversation went like this: By this time he thought I had “gotten over it by now” and said he “thought we were moving past this”. I will say, this is a trend with him, never wanting to spend much time listening and working through issues. I said this is a huge dealbreaker for me in itself, the fact that it is not important to you to resolve issues with your partner and that my feelings around serious issues annoy you, are not considered, or flat out don’t seem to matter. And to speak of dealbreakers; you seem to be very comfortable with disrespecting me- whether it’s speaking to me in a derogatory manner or thinking you have the right to freely do things that cross common sense boundaries in a relationship. I should not be viewed or treated like someone who is beneath you, or expected to adopt a shut-up-and-take-it approach in accepting whatever treatment I get from you. The conversation took a sharp left, with me being questioned as to why I “look for things to be unhappy about” and “constantly criticize” him. If you refer back to my last two posts, I’d hardly call that a woman who is nagging or criticizing a man out of thin air. I am responding to very serious instances of disrespect. He also accused me of cheating with several people I haven’t spoken to since we’ve been together. Any number I still have in my phone that belongs to a male, means I’m saving it with bad intentions or already cheating with them. Side note, I changed my number after getting with him and very few people have it. He got his best friends involved and they “all agreed” that it was weird that I have such a huge problem with this female coworker- that it seems as if I have a “guilty conscience” because I must be the one who’s cheating, and that’s why I’m trying so hard to make his communication with this coworker seem wrong. What? Am I living in the freaking twilight zone? So not only is there no accountability most of the time for anything he’s done, I’m at fault for any problems going on in our relationship for having any kind of emotion, and I’m suspicious for calling him out on things that I’m not comfortable with. The rest of the conversation was spent with him antagonizing me, repeating over and over that “I’ve been caught” and that he’s a better person for having overlooked this until now because he “actually loves me”. Barf. Needless to say, I ended the relationship. I’m going to focus on being a mother now. Thank you to all who took the time to read and comment. I am very grateful to every single one of you. You all gave me much needed comfort and reassurance in a pretty distressing time. Bless you 🤍. TL;DR - I (32f) broke up with my bf (35m) after he violated my trust with a female coworker Edit: typo Relevant Comment Commenter: It’s gaslighting and darvo and word salad and triangulation and he’s already breaking all op’s existing relationships. This is a very advanced case of emotional abuse, possibly narcissistic abuse Op’s own brain is now in a flight fight freeze fawn mode and denial will be kicking in as a self protection mechanism. Which could result in op getting back with him. It’s crazy how this works…. If covid hadn’t happened and the world physically been locked down I think I’d still be in a situation just like this one because I was trapped because I kept thinking I needed the right formulation of words or I really thought I was the problem. It’s almost like being mind controlled. I really hope op is able to leave and withstand the textbook hoovering that will follow. My concern is she already did things like change her number, tolerate the cheating accusations… stayed for all this conversation and accusations. Someone not already somewhat traumatised would not do this but the effects of this kind of abuse are really insidious OOP: He’s won me back over before, after things I should not have stayed for. You’re right about people who are emotionally abusive being very good at playing the part to win the other back. I found myself being weak for that relationship. It’s all fresh but I’ve got major ick, and luckily not desperate to be in a relationship even though we have a baby. I know I’ve got some dodging to do ahead, but I will stay strong. It’s gonna be tough, I can only imagine what lies ahead. I once tried to leave and go back with family out of state & he threatened me with parental kidnapping, so if that doesn’t foreshadow some hard times coming my way idk what does.. but I’ll be alright 🤍   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Hi there. I’ve been watching Charlotte since her InformOverload days longtime fan, not a stalker, promise). I’ve been thinking about posting this for a long time, and after a recent incident, I finally thought, what the hell...let’s do it. I have changed all names. Let’s start with some backstory. I (25F) grew up with a toxic and abusive biological mom, Marie (42F). She cared more about whatever man was in her life than her kids. I’d come home from school to find a new “stepdad” she’d met three weeks before. My brother Brock (23M) and my half-sister Janelle (21F) and I grew up in constant chaos. When I was 12, Brock and I were placed into foster care. Janelle went to live with her dad. Marie was doing heroin with her newest husband. My childhood was basically survival mode. When I was 14, I was placed with the most amazing family, Vick and Rebecca and they adopted my brother and I when I was 16 after Marie voluntarily gave up custody. She said she wanted to “get her life together.” She did get sober which is great. Vick and Rebecca gave me and my brother everything we could’ve dreamed of love, stability, a real home. We also gained four older siblings who were welcoming and supportive. My brother eventually went off to college in Houston (which my adoptive parents paid for), but he flunked out and joined the army. From there, he reconnected with Marie, cut off contact with my parents, and eventually married a girl he met in a dancer club without telling anyone except Marie. My parents didn't know until they showed up for Thanksgiving dinner with her. My mom was like, aww Brock is this your girl friend, Nice to meet you!" and dropped the bomb. My parents handled it grace by giving them $300 for a wedding gift. I met my husband Jace (26M) in college in Utah. We got engaged and started planning the wedding. My adoptive mom, Rebecca, was a huge help and paid for about 80% of the costs. She made the whole process so special. When I told Marie about the wedding, she immediately got weirdly possessive and started acting off. Every time I mentioned plans my mom and I were working on, she got cold and defensive. I wanted to include her somehow, so I asked if she wanted to help craft our centerpieces since she’s always been crafty. My mom, trying to be kind, offered to drive Marie to Utah for a wedding planning week to go dress shopping, venue tours, all that. She paid for the Airbnb, gas, and meals. During the drive, Marie started talking trash about my mom, saying my brother thinks she’s “too controlling” and “bossy.” My mom ended up in tears that night at dinner. The next day, I sat down with Marie and told her that was completely out of line. She said, “I am your mom.” I told her, “You were my mom. You gave that up. Rebecca is my mom.” She cried, played the victim, and said I was being cruel. I tried to smooth things over and told her this was supposed to be a happy time. But the rest of that trip was awful. While dress shopping, she made passive-aggressive comments like, “$3,000 for a dress? That’s too spendy...you could get so much for that.” I told her it was within the budget my parents gave me, and she snapped, “Is that why you like them more? Because they’re wealthy?” That was the last straw. Later, when we went to see the venue, the owner mentioned the price and before I could say anything, Marie said, “Don’t worry, her rich parents will pay for it.” I bought her a red-eye home that night. She cried the entire way, calling my mom names and saying things like, “This is why Brock didn’t invite her to his wedding.” After that, my mom and I had a great rest of the planning week. We decided I’d come home to Washington for my bridal shower, and my sisters would host. Even though my mom didn’t want her there, I invited Marie again with strict instructions that any rude comments would get her kicked out. Marie lived two hours from my parents, so my sister offered to give her a ride since it was on her way. Marie showed up, pouted in the corner the entire time, and kept trying to convince my sister to leave early. When she refused, Marie stormed out and got a stranger from Plenty of Fish to drive her home. The next day, she called crying about how hard it was to “watch me with my fake family” and said she didn’t feel welcome. I tried to be gentle, told her she was welcome and that I wanted her to be part of things. She said she was so proud that I was her first child to have a “real wedding.” I even Western Unioned her $400 to make the centerpieces we’d talked about. (This becomes important later.) Around that time, my brother called to complain he felt “left out” of the wedding because he’s my “real” brother. I eventually agreed to let him be a groomsman after convincing my fiancé, who wasn’t thrilled about it because he finds both Marie and Brock disrespectful. We fought a lot during this time because he felt like I should just uninvited her because she is nothing but drama. I just wanted to see the best in her and made so many excuses for her and Brock. A few months before the wedding, I checked in with Brock. He said he might not come because of finances that his disability got cut, and he wasn’t working. I offered to cover the hotel, and he still made excuses. I finally told him if he couldn’t confirm, I’d have someone else take the role so he wouldn’t have to stress. He got angry and hung up on me. My sister got into a car accident, so Jace and I drove overnight to see her. We had to pass through the area where Marie lives. She called and asked us to stop by so she could “finally meet Jace.” It was mother's day weekend and she wanted to see me. I told her no, we were headed to see my sister. She hung up on me, and that was it, I was exhausted, stressed, and completely done. A few minutes later, my phone started blowing up with messages from her. She accused me of being ashamed of my “real family,” said I wasn’t her daughter anymore, and that I’d rather play the part of some “rich, bitchy princess” than love the people who “gave me life.” She called me shady, fake, and claimed I’d turned into a narcissist all because I refused to let her and Brock walk all over me. She went on and on about how cruel it was to “kick my brother out” of the bridal party, like it wasn’t his own fault for bailing on me in the first place. According to her, I’d become an “ungrateful brat raised by money.” I was running on no sleep, emotionally wrung out, and finally snapped. I told her if that’s how she wanted to play it, she could go ahead and tell Brock that his hypocrisy was laughable and that until she apologized, she was uninvited from the wedding. Now, the wedding. My mom and sisters came early to help with the setup. We had to make new centerpieces ourselves since Marie never sent the originals. We also decided to have a few of our college friends act as informal security, just in case Marie or Brock tried anything. We even printed out pictures of them to give to the venue staff. I sent them one last message 48 hours before the wedding saying they could still come if they apologized and promised to be respectful. Marie responded with an eight-page rant calling me a bad Christian and a narcissist. So I blocked her. The day of the wedding was beautiful. The weather was perfect, the food trucks showed up, and for a while, everything felt peaceful. I finally let myself relax. Then, halfway through the cocktail hour, my sister came running over, out of breath, saying the police were at the entrance. Apparently, Marie and Brock had shown up and tried to force their way in. When security turned them away, they completely lost it. They vandalized our getaway car keyed it, scratched it up, and even carved the word “bitch” into the side. I remember just standing there in disbelief. I hadn’t even finished my first drink. The police asked if I wanted to press charges. I was shaking and said no I just wanted it to be over, but my husband said, “Hell yes,” and pressed charges. They were both arrested and released later with a court date. The rest of the night went smoothly after that, thanks to one of our church friends who heard what happened and let us borrow his luxury car for the send-off. We ended up making a joke of it and refused to let them ruin our day. Years later, my husband and I are doing well. He’s a successful contractor, and we’ve built a stable, happy life. Marie and Brock still live together in a trailer and apparently spend a lot of time posting vague Facebook rants about me. Six months ago, I found out I was pregnant with our first baby. Marie suddenly reached out, acting sweet...too sweet. We talked a few times. She said she was so excited to be a grandma and even begged to be invited to my baby shower in December when we come home for the holidays. It almost felt like she’d changed... until she called a week ago and said, “I love all your baby update posts, but I wish you’d remove your wedding pictures. They make me so sad. I wish I could’ve been there.” I told her, plain and simple, “That was your choice.” And of course, she couldn’t just let it go. She snapped back, calling me selfish said I was wrong for “demanding” that she and Brock apologize, like basic accountability was some cruel punishment. That was it. I broke. I told her I was so sorry she’d been a horrible mother who never fought for her kids. Sorry that the only one who still loves her is the son she’s managed to brainwash. Sorry that her life now consists of sitting in a tiny trailer with Brock's family, chain-smoking resentment and catfishing men online just to feel wanted. I told her I’d spent years trying to give her grace. Years trying to believe she was just a damaged person who needed help. But I finally saw it she’s not broken, she’s manipulative. A delusional, self-pitying woman who still thinks I’ll come crawling back to “Mommy” like we’re one big happy family again. So I said it the words that had been sitting on my tongue for years: You’re not my mom. You never will be. Rebecca and Vick filled the spot you never did adequately. You’re not invited to my baby shower, and I honestly don’t ever want to talk to you again. When I hung up, my hands were shaking, not out of guilt, but relief. Jace didn’t even hesitate. He looked at me and said, “She’s done. She will never meet our child.” And for the first time in a long time, I didn’t argue. Because he’s right. Marie has burned every bridge she’s ever been handed, and I refuse to let her build one toward my baby. So, AITA for finally going off on my biological mom and cutting her out for good? Because honestly, I feel like this was a long time coming. submitted by /u/Illustrious_Fail8781 to r/CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/fancyapanda Originally posted to r/AITAH Previous BoRUs: #1 [New Update]: AITA for Refusing to Co-Sign My Sister’s Mortgage After My Parents Went Behind My Back? NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Thanks to u/queenlegolas u/soayherder & u/boringhistoryfan for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: identity theft, financial fraud RECAP Original Post: December 26, 2024 I (28F) have been busting my butt for years to save for my own house. I work in software, so I make decent money, but it still takes forever to build up a good down payment. Meanwhile, my younger sister (25F) is in grad school with barely any credit. Our parents (both mid-50s) found a house near them and decided she needs it. They made an offer—without telling me—and now the deal only goes through if I co-sign. The problem? I had no clue they’d do this. My parents basically dropped a bomb: “You have the best credit score—co-sign so your sister can get the house!” They also hinted I should chip in for the down payment because “you’ve got the money.” If I co-sign, I’ll be on the hook if my sister can’t pay. She’s still in school, has debt, and zero backup plan. The bank might also reject my future mortgage application since they’ll see I’m already tied to another loan. But my parents say I’m “selfish” and “forgetting family values.” My sister’s calling me a monster for leaving her “stranded,” and my mom threatened to cut off any future financial help (like wedding money) if I don’t help right now. Some relatives think it’s insane my parents tried to rope me into this after they already made the offer. Others say I should just do it for “the family’s sake.” I feel guilty, but also mad they put me in this spot. AITA for protecting my own finances, or are they wrong for strong-arming me into co-signing a mortgage I never wanted in the first place? EDIT: I’m actually adopted lmao forgot to mention in my confused and angry state. My parents adopted me when I was very young because they’d been struggling to conceive. A few years later, they had my younger sister naturally, which was a huge deal to them—she was their “miracle baby.” Ever since, it’s felt like my role in the family became “the older, adopted one,” while she was the golden child who could do no wrong. Growing up, I was expected to pitch in more, be more responsible, and generally look out for my sister. I worked my butt off in school, snagged scholarships, and eventually landed a good job in software. All the while, I felt like my family mostly saw me as the “fallback option” in case anyone needed financial or emotional support. Now that I’m actually building my own life—saving for a house, focusing on my career—I’m realizing how my success just makes me look like a bigger piggy bank to my parents. The more independent I become, the clearer it is that I need to separate myself from the constant guilt trips and the unspoken expectation that I’ll always bail them (or my sister) out. I love them, but I can’t keep sacrificing my own future to maintain a dynamic where I’m never the priority. So thank you all for the wake up call. Update to come AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Relevant / Top Comments Why didn’t OOP’s parents co-sign the loan? OOP: They have financial strains and don’t want to incure thar risk. And don’t have the best credit either Why didn’t OOP's parents help her with buying a house? OOP: We were at odds due to another family issue Commenter 1: So, your sister is the Golden child and you are not. Don't cosign the loan. Tell your parents to give your sister the wedding money and since your finances won't be a dumpster fire (as they would if you cosign the loan) you'll pay for your own wedding-- and will be sure to send them a picture since obviously they won't be there. Tell them how much you appreciate them freeing you from having to care for them as they age since that will fall 100% to your sister. NTA but your family is really toxic. OOP: Probably something I should have said this but was blinded by my confusion and forgot to mention. I was adopted, not at as a baby but around the age of 6. Was always different and never bothered to reconnect with bio mom. I knew I was an outsider but as I got older and somewhat over shadowed my younger sister with my “successful “career I think it created a resentment between my parents and me. So it think it’s hitting it breaking point and really showing… Commenter 2: Absolutely do NOT co-sign. NTA if you refuse. Let your Mom not pay for the wedding. If she’s threatening now, she will again. In the end she probably won’t. But that’s not hhe main reason not to co-sign. The main reason is there is a huge chance you will be in debt for a house that is not yours. Commenter 3: Terrible idea.. why does she need a house rn if she has barely any credit and she’s mid grad school.. an apartment sounds like what she needs Commenter 4: Lock down your credit score and make sure they can't use your information anyway. My sister had hers trashed by the EX because he would take out loans in her name. I have seen parents do this as well, regardless of the child's age. Or consent.   Update #1: December 27, 2024 (next day) Okay, so here’s where I’m at: I’m absolutely not signing my sister’s mortgage (and I’m definitely not pitching in for any down payment). This whole thing was the final push I needed to realize how messed up our family dynamic has been for ages. I mean, I’ve always known it was bad, but having them basically try to volunteer me—and my finances—without even asking just crossed a line I can’t ignore anymore. I’m done. I’ve decided to cut ties. I’m already in the process of dropping any financial entanglements we might have—cutting off shared accounts, making sure they can’t use my information for anything, and basically scrubbing them from my finances. My job lets me work remotely, so I’m planning to move out of state soon. That was always in the back of my mind, but now it feels urgent. I need space, distance, and a real shot at a normal life without the constant guilt trips. I’m also locking down my credit—freezing it, changing passwords, everything. I’m not taking any chances that someone might try to open a line of credit in my name. I’ve seen enough horror stories and I’m not about to become one. Thankfully, I’m not alone in all this. My close friends have been incredible. They’re basically my real family at this point—helping me pack, offering me a place to stay if I need it, reminding me that I’m not crazy for wanting to protect my future. They’ve been the biggest source of support, and I’m honestly so grateful to have them in my corner. So yeah, that’s it. I’m not signing. I’m leaving. I’m done. If my family wants to blow up at me for “abandoning them,” so be it. I’ve gotta look out for myself, my credit, and my sanity. Here’s to hoping things only get better from here. Everyone who commented their 2 cents are amazing people and I thank you all for your support while I’m dealing with this. Truly thank you. ❤️ Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Be sure to freeze your credit with all 3 bureaus and freeze your Social Security number as well. OOP clarifies the timeline on when she was adopted into the family OOP: Honestly, it’s not as dramatic as it sounds. We’re three years apart in age—I’m older—but my adoption was finalized around the time my sister was toddler-aged. The process itself had started earlier, and it wasn’t all done in a day. My parents had me placed with them before it was legally official, so by the time the paperwork went through when I was six, she was already three. It’s just a messy timeline that happens when adoption, fertility struggles etc. I forget all the details sometimes my apologies Commenter 2: I would also contact the financial institution that is issuing the mortgage and tell them you’re not involved in case they forge your signature. They have your social security number and may have already had the bank run your information.   Update #2: December 28, 2024 (next day) Discovered a Credit Card in My Name Ok. I was really hoping the update post would be the last one but here I am . I didn’t expect it to turn into a bigger mess. After deciding not to co-sign the mortgage for my sister, I started taking extra precautions with my finances locking down my credit, pulling my full credit reports, like you all suggested. I wanted to be absolutely sure no one could use my information without me knowing. That’s when I stumbled on an active credit card I didn’t open. Some of you guys warned me and I guess I wasn’t fast enough to lock down. It’s been around for a couple of years now.. It was being using but I’m assuming my parents wanted to keep it from me with the intention of using it as leverage. As of YESTERDAY, the statements show purchases that look a lot like household expenses. The billing address on file points right back to my parents’ home. I confronted them, via text, because I’m currently a couple hours away with a close friend. They claimed I “benefited” from these expenses, which doesn’t make much sense like how did because they never helped me with setting up my own apartment. Also, it explains why they assumed I’d be okay with co-signing: turns out they’ve been using my credit for a while. Needless to say, I feel completely betrayed. This wasn’t some tiny oversight my parents have been quietly using my name to fund their expenses. Now I’m talking to a professional to figure out whether I should dispute the charges or close the account outright (without tanking my own credit in the process). It’s nerve-wracking realizing how they went behind my back even before this mortgage BS. At this point, I’m even more determined to move out of state to get distance from all this. My job is thankfully remote-friendly, so relocating won’t wreck my career. My friends have been amazing, offering support so I don’t completely lose my mind. If it weren’t for them, I’d be a mess right now. I’m not trying to be vindictive or over-dramatic I just need to protect myself. The trust is gone, and I don’t see how I can maintain a healthy relationship with people who thought this was okay. It’s sad, and I wish it didn’t come to this, but I’ve got to prioritize my own future. I’ll let you know if anything else major happens, but for now I’m focused on fully separating my finances from my family, getting ready to move, and making sure I don’t pay the price (credit-wise) for something I never agreed to. It’s scary, but I’m hoping it’ll be worth it to finally have a life and a credit score of my own. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Well. If They opened credit in your name, that is considered identity theft. You should file a police report. Let the chips fall where they may. Commenter 2: Hang in there. Don't forget to check with ChexSystem to make sure they haven't used your name to sign leases and utilities that won't show up in a regular Credit Bureau check. Commenter 3: If there is debt left on the card then you should contest that with the cc company. You want that debt to come off your credit rating. This also reads like identity theft. You have grounds for reporting your parents to authorities. Commenter 4: File a police report NOW. you're not liable for any of this, and can get it wiped through the courts, but the first step is reporting the identity theft.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Update #3: October 29, 2025 (ten months later from the previous update) Edit: I’m reposting here since it got taken down on AITAH, I had some drama last year that I posted about and was hoping I’d just be able to repost there. So here it is. Last year I cut my parents off and thought that was the end. They tried to force me to co-sign a mortgage for my younger sister, called me selfish when I refused, and I found a credit card opened in my name at their address. I froze my credit, shut everything down, moved out of state, and told myself, “Done. No more access.” I was wrong. This week a letter from the county recorder shows up about a newly recorded deed of trust “with my updated address.” I pull the record: my full legal name as co-borrower, a signature that’s supposed to be mine, and a hometown notary stamp. “But she’ll lose her house.” If your roof depends on a forged co-borrower, you never had a house. You had a countdown. I did not apply for this loan. I did not sign this loan. I was not even in the same state the day they claim I sat with a notary. I called the lender’s fraud department and asked for the e-sign audit trail. The IP used for “my” signature? My parents’ Wi-Fi. I emailed the notary. She replied IN WRITING that she “saw me over FaceTime” and matched my ID from a photo my mom provided. That is not legal. That’s “I didn’t do my job and now I’m part of a crime.” Here’s what I have: the deed listing me as co-borrower, the fake signature and stamp, the lender’s e-sign audit with their IP, records placing me out of state, and last year’s police report from the secret credit card. So I acted. Filed a police report for identity theft and forgery with exhibits. Filed a state notary complaint with her written admission. Filed an FTC identity theft affidavit. Sent a fraud packet to the lender demanding removal of my name and treating the acknowledgment as defective. Extended my 7-year fraud alert, re-froze all bureaus, locked my USPS address, opened a PO box. Retained a lawyer. Sent my parents a written cease-and-desist: stay out of my finances. All contact is email only. I’m not giving them time to “fix it quietly.” I’m not offering a refinance window. I’m not protecting them so my sister doesn’t “have to move.” If this loan collapses, it’s because they built it on my stolen identity. That’s on them. “But she’ll lose her house.” If your roof depends on a forged co-borrower, you never had a house. You had a countdown. This is absolutely ridiculous and I feel like I’m out of my mind. I thought this was all behind me I guess not. I’ve has some amazing help over the last year trying to piece my life back together but things are so shitty right now. I don’t care if she ends up homeless fuck them im so done.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/fancyapanda posting in r/AITAH Concluded as per OOP 1 update - Short Original - 26th December 2024 Update1 - 27th December 2024 2 New Updates Update2 - 28th December 2024 Update3 - 29th October 2025 AITA for Refusing to Co-Sign My Sister’s Mortgage After My Parents Went Behind My Back? I (28F) have been busting my butt for years to save for my own house. I work in software, so I make decent money, but it still takes forever to build up a good down payment. Meanwhile, my younger sister (25F) is in grad school with barely any credit. Our parents (both mid-50s) found a house near them and decided she needs it. They made an offer—without telling me—and now the deal only goes through if I co-sign. The problem? I had no clue they’d do this. My parents basically dropped a bomb: “You have the best credit score—co-sign so your sister can get the house!” They also hinted I should chip in for the down payment because “you’ve got the money.” If I co-sign, I’ll be on the hook if my sister can’t pay. She’s still in school, has debt, and zero backup plan. The bank might also reject my future mortgage application since they’ll see I’m already tied to another loan. But my parents say I’m “selfish” and “forgetting family values.” My sister’s calling me a monster for leaving her “stranded,” and my mom threatened to cut off any future financial help (like wedding money) if I don’t help right now. Some relatives think it’s insane my parents tried to rope me into this after they already made the offer. Others say I should just do it for “the family’s sake.” I feel guilty, but also mad they put me in this spot. AITA for protecting my own finances, or are they wrong for strong-arming me into co-signing a mortgage I never wanted in the first place? EDIT: I’m actually adopted lmao forgot to mention in my confused and angry state. My parents adopted me when I was very young because they’d been struggling to conceive. A few years later, they had my younger sister naturally, which was a huge deal to them—she was their “miracle baby.” Ever since, it’s felt like my role in the family became “the older, adopted one,” while she was the golden child who could do no wrong. Growing up, I was expected to pitch in more, be more responsible, and generally look out for my sister. I worked my butt off in school, snagged scholarships, and eventually landed a good job in software. All the while, I felt like my family mostly saw me as the “fallback option” in case anyone needed financial or emotional support. Now that I’m actually building my own life—saving for a house, focusing on my career—I’m realizing how my success just makes me look like a bigger piggy bank to my parents. The more independent I become, the clearer it is that I need to separate myself from the constant guilt trips and the unspoken expectation that I’ll always bail them (or my sister) out. I love them, but I can’t keep sacrificing my own future to maintain a dynamic where I’m never the priority. So thank you all for the wake up call. Update to come Comments Independent-Stand351 Absolutely do NOT co-sign. NTA if you refuse. Let your Mom not pay for the wedding. If she’s threatening now, she will again. In the end she probably won’t. But that’s not hhe main reason not to co-sign. The main reason is there is a huge chance you will be in debt for a house that is not yours. Empty-Discipline8927 Spoiler... They won't pay for your wedding anyway. They are broke arses. Please don't sign. It will fuck u up in ways you can't even imagine yet. quagsi broke asses who care more about the golden child younger sister than their child who is actually taking charge of her own life wortcrafter Ding-ding-ding and we have the answer. Why is sister the one that needs to own a house? celticmusebooks So, your sister is the Golden child and you are not. Don't cosign the loan. Tell your parents to give your sister the wedding money and since your finances won't be a dumpster fire (as they would if you cosign the loan) you'll pay for your own wedding-- and will be sure to send them a picture since obviously they won't be there. Tell them how much you appreciate them freeing you from having to care for them as they age since that will fall 100% to your sister. NTA but your family is really toxic. **Judgement - NTA*\* Update - 1 day later Okay, so here’s where I’m at: I’m absolutely not signing my sister’s mortgage (and I’m definitely not pitching in for any down payment). This whole thing was the final push I needed to realize how messed up our family dynamic has been for ages. I mean, I’ve always known it was bad, but having them basically try to volunteer me—and my finances—without even asking just crossed a line I can’t ignore anymore. I’m done. I’ve decided to cut ties. I’m already in the process of dropping any financial entanglements we might have—cutting off shared accounts, making sure they can’t use my information for anything, and basically scrubbing them from my finances. My job lets me work remotely, so I’m planning to move out of state soon. That was always in the back of my mind, but now it feels urgent. I need space, distance, and a real shot at a normal life without the constant guilt trips. I’m also locking down my credit—freezing it, changing passwords, everything. I’m not taking any chances that someone might try to open a line of credit in my name. I’ve seen enough horror stories and I’m not about to become one. Thankfully, I’m not alone in all this. My close friends have been incredible. They’re basically my real family at this point—helping me pack, offering me a place to stay if I need it, reminding me that I’m not crazy for wanting to protect my future. They’ve been the biggest source of support, and I’m honestly so grateful to have them in my corner. So yeah, that’s it. I’m not signing. I’m leaving. I’m done. If my family wants to blow up at me for “abandoning them,” so be it. I’ve gotta look out for myself, my credit, and my sanity. Here’s to hoping things only get better from here. Everyone who commented their 2 cents are amazing people and I thank you all for your support while I’m dealing with this. Truly thank you. Comments twinpeaks2112 Be sure to freeze your credit with all 3 bureaus and freeze your Social Security number as well. RotaryRoad I would also contact the financial institution that is issuing the mortgage and tell them you’re not involved in case they forge your signature. They have your social security number and may have already had the bank run your information. Loop_Adjacent I read your other post and am so glad to read this update!!! Perhaps a new phone number when you move? Also, I wouldn't tell them your address. "Yeah, I move out west" when you really moved east/north/south. Lock or privatize your Socials and look up "grey rocking" towards your family. Your life is about to open up and flourish, and I'm so excited for you!!! New Update ​ Update - 1 day later ​ Discovered a Credit Card in My Name ​ Ok. I was really hoping the update post would be the last one but here I am . I didn’t expect it to turn into a bigger mess. After deciding not to co-sign the mortgage for my sister, I started taking extra precautions with my finances locking down my credit, pulling my full credit reports, like you all suggested. I wanted to be absolutely sure no one could use my information without me knowing. That’s when I stumbled on an active credit card I didn’t open. Some of you guys warned me and I guess I wasn’t fast enough to lock down. It’s been around for a couple of years now.. It was being using but I’m assuming my parents wanted to keep it from me with the intention of using it as leverage. As of YESTERDAY, the statements show purchases that look a lot like household expenses. The billing address on file points right back to my parents’ home. I confronted them, via text, because I’m currently a couple hours away with a close friend. They claimed I “benefited” from these expenses, which doesn’t make much sense like how did because they never helped me with setting up my own apartment. Also, it explains why they assumed I’d be okay with co-signing: turns out they’ve been using my credit for a while. Needless to say, I feel completely betrayed. This wasn’t some tiny oversight my parents have been quietly using my name to fund their expenses. Now I’m talking to a professional to figure out whether I should dispute the charges or close the account outright (without tanking my own credit in the process). It’s nerve-wracking realizing how they went behind my back even before this mortgage BS. At this point, I’m even more determined to move out of state to get distance from all this. My job is thankfully remote-friendly, so relocating won’t wreck my career. My friends have been amazing, offering support so I don’t completely lose my mind. If it weren’t for them, I’d be a mess right now. I’m not trying to be vindictive or over-dramatic I just need to protect myself. The trust is gone, and I don’t see how I can maintain a healthy relationship with people who thought this was okay. It’s sad, and I wish it didn’t come to this, but I’ve got to prioritize my own future. I’ll let you know if anything else major happens, but for now I’m focused on fully separating my finances from my family, getting ready to move, and making sure I don’t pay the price (credit-wise) for something I never agreed to. It’s scary, but I’m hoping it’ll be worth it to finally have a life and a credit score of my own. ​ Comments ​ sfrancisch5842 Well. If They opened credit in your name, that is considered identity theft. You should file a police report. Let the chips fall where they may. madvoice Yes, definitely file a police report. They should be held accountable. Let it be the FO to their FA. MommaKim661 *100 percent this. Call cops. They need the FO part of the FA ​ Update - 1 year later ​ A year after cutting off my family, my name showed up on a recorded deed of trust Edit: I’m reposting here since it got taken down on AITAH, I had some drama last year that I posted about and was hoping I’d just be able to repost there. So here it is. Last year I cut my parents off and thought that was the end. They tried to force me to co-sign a mortgage for my younger sister, called me selfish when I refused, and I found a credit card opened in my name at their address. I froze my credit, shut everything down, moved out of state, and told myself, “Done. No more access.” I was wrong. This week a letter from the county recorder shows up about a newly recorded deed of trust “with my updated address.” I pull the record: my full legal name as co-borrower, a signature that’s supposed to be mine, and a hometown notary stamp. “But she’ll lose her house.” If your roof depends on a forged co-borrower, you never had a house. You had a countdown. This week a letter from the county recorder shows up about a newly recorded deed of trust “with my updated address.” I pull the record: my full legal name as co-borrower, a signature that’s supposed to be mine, and a hometown notary stamp I did not apply for this loan. I did not sign this loan. I was not even in the same state the day they claim I sat with a notary. I called the lender’s fraud department and asked for the e-sign audit trail. The IP used for “my” signature? My parents’ Wi-Fi. I emailed the notary. She replied IN WRITING that she “saw me over FaceTime” and matched my ID from a photo my mom provided. That is not legal. That’s “I didn’t do my job and now I’m part of a crime.” Here’s what I have: the deed listing me as co-borrower, the fake signature and stamp, the lender’s e-sign audit with their IP, records placing me out of state, and last year’s police report from the secret credit card. So I acted. Filed a police report for identity theft and forgery with exhibits. Filed a state notary complaint with her written admission. Filed an FTC identity theft affidavit. Sent a fraud packet to the lender demanding removal of my name and treating the acknowledgment as defective. Extended my 7-year fraud alert, re-froze all bureaus, locked my USPS address, opened a PO box. Retained a lawyer. Sent my parents a written cease-and-desist: stay out of my finances. All contact is email only. I’m not giving them time to “fix it quietly.” I’m not offering a refinance window. I’m not protecting them so my sister doesn’t “have to move.” If this loan collapses, it’s because they built it on my stolen identity. That’s on them. “But she’ll lose her house.” If your roof depends on a forged co-borrower, you never had a house. You had a countdown. This is absolutely ridiculous and I feel like I’m out of my mind. I thought this was all behind me I guess not. I’ve has some amazing help over the last year trying to piece my life back together but things are so shitty right now. I don’t care if she ends up homeless fuck them im so done. ​ Comments ​ Posterbomber Good for you OP! NTAH, please keep us updated on what happens. Plenty-Medium1397 Yes!!! You did what you had to do..protecting yourself isn’t being petty, it’s survival. dollykarma Biggest NTA in NTA history. Holy fuck. The assholery from your family in incomprehensible though ​ ​ I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments submitted by /u/SharkEva to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not the OP. That is u/TraditionImpressive2. This is the new update to three previous BORU posts, which can be found here, here and here. Trigger warning: attempt to baby trap, mentions of abuse Mood spoiler: happy ending for OP and her new family Original post posted in r/AmItheAsshole on August 17, 2020 AITA for refusing to sell the place I bought with "stripper money"? For several years I was a stripper. I have no shame about what I did, and only quit when I got a better job offer. In the time I worked as a stripper, I intentionally lived as cheaply as possible (shitty little studio flat, living off ramen, wearing old clothes) because my coworkers all told me that they were able to buy their own places on their income, so long as they saved like crazy. Before I "retired", I managed to outright buy myself a 3 bedroom flat. I rented out the other rooms for a while but I got sick of having roommates, so now I have them up online for shorter stays, but not to rent. I met this guy about 18 months ago, and we've been together since. He knows about my employment history, and he said that he has no issue with it, though he did ask me to tell his family the white lie I occasionally use (on my CV and stuff), which is that I was a waitress (which I kind of was tbf). A month ago we found out that I'm 2 months pregnant. He says this is great news, and we should move in together. I assumed he'd be moving into my place because he rents his (far smaller 1 bedroom) flat while I own mine, and I have room for a baby's room while he doesn't. Also, I really don't want to leave my flat. It's my flat, I love it, I could see myself living here for the rest of my life, and I don't want to lose the security of owning a flat and have to go back to paying rent or a mortgage each month. However, he then said that he didn't want to move into my place, and said I should sell it and we buy a place together. I said that I like my place, it means a lot to me that I was able to buy it, and it represents years of working my arse off scrimping and saving. He then said that he understands all of that, but we should be living together by the time the baby comes and he didn't want to live in my flat. I asked him why not - it's a great flat, it's central to everything, it's spacious, it's got room for all his stuff, there's a daycare in the building (run/owned by another tenant) and a school 5 minute walk away, the list goes on - and he said that he didn't want to live in a flat that was bought with "stripper money". That really pissed me off, and I told him no fucking way am I selling my flat and that he never had an issue with my "stripper money" paying for this flat before now. I said I wasn't giving up the security of owning a home for someone who tries to make me feel ashamed about something I don't feel ashamed of. He said that his point is if I sold the flat then we could get a new place with the money from the sale. I said "wouldn't that still be stripper money?" and he said "that's different", and I asked how. He then said he was going back to his place because "I can't talk to you when you're in this state". He's gone back to his flat now and he's texted me saying I'm overreacting/irrational and I need to think of this realistically rather than emotionally. He says he wouldn't feel right raising a child in my flat knowing how I purchased it and selling/moving is the best idea of all of us, not to mention the fact he isn't on the deed because it's my place and it "would never feel like our place" because of this. I feel I might be the arse because I get why he might feel like it's just my place and I feel I'm being too rigid in a time we need to work together, plus I spoke to my sister and she sided with him so 2 out of 3 people think I'm in the wrong here. AITA? Relevant comments: Regarding the boyfriend’s financial situation: Let's say you did sell it, how much would he be contributing to buying a new place? Has he similarly been saving a bunch? Or would it be you selling your place to buy a new place all by yourself? He doesn't have much in savings. He has a startup company that he's trying to get off the ground, but he's only had about 4 clients hire him in nearly a year. He swears that eventually business will pick up but he left a far better paying, salaried job and now works in hospitality for minimum wage through an agency, because the old job wouldn't let him have a startup while working for them, and he's basically burned through the savings (and bridges) he did have to keep the company afloat. It sounds like option 1 would be us buying a new place while I rented out my flat, meaning that we would put down a deposit and then we'd pay off a large mortgage together. Option 2 would be selling the flat, in which case as it's a 3 bedroom flat, we'd probably have about 80% of the total cost of a 3 bedroom house, and then we'd get a far smaller mortgage that we'd still have to pay off. Why the sister agrees with her boyfriend: She's my big sister, and she loves me, but she never really approved of the stripper thing. This might be that manifesting. Does the boyfriend have an issue with OP's stripping past?: If he thinks your home is tainted by being bought with the proceeds of working in the sex/entertainment industry... then we already know what he thinks of you deep down You know what's super funny about this? And by funny I mean infuriating? Every celebration, he and his friends go to a strip club. Whether it's a bachelor party, birthday, graduation, promotion, whatever, he goes at least once every few months. And he has the nerve to have a go at me for being a stripper years ago! More on the pregnancy: It wasn't planned. We spent the first 6-ish months on and off and we fully broke up for about a month around 6 months ago, so we haven't even discussed moving in together. People suggest that the boyfriend might've tampered with the birth control: And... by any chance, is it possible that he manipulated your birth control / condoms? I'm not on BC for medical reasons but we always use protection. I never noticed anything weird like a leak or a tear. • He wouldn't do that. OP makes an update on the same post: Update on the off chance anyone sees this: I dumped him. There was a whole conversation and during the conversation he said he didn't want to be a parent if I wasn't willing to do everything he wanted, including sharing a house/deed (plus staying together). Also, at the start of the conversation I said what a few people suggested, which was that I'd be willing to sell and split the house with him, provided he paid 50%, and he got very very angry, very very quickly. He also said a few other things, so IDK how it's all going to pan out just yet, but it looks like I'm going to be a single mother. Update 1 posted in r/LegalAdviceUK on August 18, 2020 (1 day later) I have 2 audio recordings of my ex admitting to tampering with birth control. Is it any use? In England. I recently found out I was pregnant. I am not on the pill and don't have the implant, either, due to medical reasons, so our only protection was condoms. I am now 2 months pregnant with his child. I own my own flat and have a well paying job, while he owns a failing startup and does agency shifts. We talked yesterday. Someone suggested I recorded all interactions, as a few people had already guessed that he might have messed with our birth control, so I set my phone to record as he arrived. During the conversation, he initially said that if we weren't together as a couple, then he wouldn't want to be in this baby's life, and when I said we could work out split custody he said "that's bullshit". Later in the conversation he said "I thought a baby would fix things". I responded it couldn't have fixed anything, if anything it made things more strained with us as the baby wasn't planned and he snapped at me, "of course it fucking was. How'd you think you got pregnant? fucking magic?". He then paused and he said "I mean that... it wasn't like... stop making that face, I'm joking". I directly asked him "are you saying you messed up the condoms?" and he (quietly but audibly) says "yeah". I told him to get out of my flat and he said "look, have it, don't have it, I don't give a shit" before he left. I later texted him, saying "just tell me why." He then called me, so I started recording on my mp3. Over the phone he admitted that he was hoping I'd sell my flat, buy a new place with a mortgage, and "we could give the business a boost". I hung up on him. Hours before the initial conversation, I spoke to a solicitor who deals with custody stuff regularly, so he's said he'd help me with the custody stuff. However, he's married to my friend, and I love her but she's a bit of a gossip and can be a little condescending (as in "oh, poor you"), so I don't want either of them knowing about any of this if it's unusable. My ex was not aware that I was recording at any point in either recording, and there's no visuals, only audio on both recordings. We did say each other's names a few times on the first, but not at all on the second. Is this admissible in a custody battle? Is it useful due to the context? I feel like he's said all the things that would win my case if there was one, but if he can't do anything with it then I don't want him knowing about it. If it is useful and admissible, then do I just send it to the friend's husband? Thanks in advance. Relevant comment: Why does OP want to use the recording?: I'm worried he might push for 50/50 custody in order to avoid paying child support, or ask for majority custody so I have to pay him (which he could win as he has family while I only have my sister and I have an employment history that could make me look bad), or he'll otherwise try to pull something if we end up in a custody case. After hearing this, I want full custody, and I'm worried he'll push back in general. Update 2 posted in r/AmItheAsshole on September 6, 2020 (3 weeks later) UPDATE: AITA for refusing to sell the place I bought with "stripper money"? Quick recap on my first post. I spent several years working as a stripper, at the end of which I was able to buy my own flat. I'd been with my boyfriend for about 18 months, and I'm currently around 3 months pregnant. With the news of the baby incoming, my boyfriend said he wanted me to sell my place so we could use the money to get a new place together, and when I refused he called me irrational. I thought I was TA because of that, plus my sister sided with him. Now for the update, because a lot of people asked for one. First off, I dumped him. He initially said that he doesn't want to be a parent if we're not a couple, but earlier this week he told me he wants majority custody so not only does he not have to pay child support, but if he gets majority then I end up paying him (he actually said that was his reasoning). He also runs his own startup, and admitted the startup is basically done for, and he was hoping that when I sold my place I could also put a cash injection into his business with the money, so basically this was all about money for him (and I have extensive documentation of all of this). There's going to be a legal case, but I've gotten legal advice, and it looks like I'll be able to get sole custody, which is what I intend to go for. In the last couple weeks, my sister has doubled down and is trying to get me to fix things with my ex because "a baby should have a complete family", so I've not been involving her in my pregnancy, which she is furious about. She also told our parents, which I am furious about, so we're not speaking right now. I also want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my first post. When I first posted, between my boyfriend and my sister, I was genuinely convinced I was in the wrong, so to have such an overwhelmingly supportive response really helped me realise that I shouldn't doubt myself so much, and with that realisation, plus everything going on right now, I've decided to go to therapy, which I will be starting next week. All in all, the outcome of this is probably going to be me being a single mother in the flat I own. And honestly? Pretty decent outcome. Relevant comments: Regarding child support: According to the child support calculator, the minimum child support I would be paying if he had majority custody would be £50 a week. I think a packet of nappies is about 5 or 10 quid, and baby food is like a quid per jar. No way would he be able to live off child support, even if he had majority custody, and the fact he thinks he could shows that he really hasn't thought this through. More on the sister: She does have a "complete" family, or at least the start of one (husband, a kid, and trying for more kids). I think she's pushy about the whole idea of a "complete" family because our birth family was... not a great situation, so she seems to want all of our siblings (5 of us) to marry off, have some kids, and do right by them. It seems to be really bugging her that I'm willing to be a single mum and mess with the "complete" family she's pictured me having, but I am going to do right by my kid no matter what. Thank you :) • Honestly we didn't have the most stable home life growing up and she was really big on wanting a regular, nuclear family as soon as she could build one, so I think maybe our upbringing has translated into pushing/wanting this whole "complete" family as adults. • I thought that, too, and I wanted it to be true, but then she told our parents I was pregnant and until that point, I believed it could be from a place of love, but telling our parents about the baby is not coming from a good place, or at best it's coming from a good but naive place. They kicked me out when I was a teenager for no good reason, she's tried to get me to mend fences with them and I've refused, and of our whole extended family I'm only in touch with one sister (her) and one brother. Update 3 posted in r/BabyBumps on September 13, 2020 (1 week later) It's twins! I have no due date! And I'm panicking! I wasn't sure if I should tag this as rant/vent or help? because I'm panicking and it shows but I also need advice. So I had a scan today and it's twins. The tech said it was hard to tell but she thinks they're identical. She also asked how far along I thought I was and I said the number I worked out was 14 weeks, but I wasn't 100% certain as this was my first proper checkup (aside from my GP who said they'd tell me at the scan), and the tech said both me and the babies were a little big for 14 weeks, and that we looked more like 16. She offered me an estimated due date which is just the first half of March, then said that with twins it can be harder to tell, and that didn't exactly ease my panic. (though everything else looks good so that's amazing) But twins! There's 2 of them! And there's 1 of me! And I think it's just really hitting me right now that I have never been a mum before and I have no clue what I'm doing and there's going to be not 1 but 2 tiny humans depending on me who are arriving some time in March! When in March? It's a surprise! I have room for twins. I have resources for twins. I think I have the energy for twins. But I am terrified. I have no clue what I'm doing. I have 3 bedrooms, so do I put them in separate rooms or together? My friend offered to stay with me for a little after the birth, and I said no, so am I going to need to take him up on that? Is there anything different about having twins that I should be aware of (aside from there being 2 of them)? Also what do I do about this window the tech gave me? Is that normal? Are they going to be able to narrow it down at any point? I know I just got out a lot but if anyone has any advice for me on the due date (or due window of time) or the whole twins situation it'd be really great. Update 4 posted in r/relationship_advice on March 1, 2021 (6 months later) My friends have been amazing through my pregnancy/post birth. How do I adequately thank them? I spent ~18 months in a relationship that in retrospect was very controlling, and I fell out of contact with a lot of friends because of how my ex felt about them. My ex and I broke up, I was pregnant with twins when we split, and I began therapy. The therapist got me to reach out to friends I'd neglected. There were 2 in particular that I really missed and decided to reach out to first, "Lily" and "Caleb". They were happy to hear from me, and were completely understanding of the situation with my ex. I reached out to them mid October, and it's like we never stopped talking. I've been friends with Lily since we were kids, and I met Caleb at university, nearly a decade ago. My ex didn't like Lily because she's bisexual (as am I), and he didn't like Caleb because he's a straight man. Since October I've been talking to both of them regularly. Christmas rolled around and we were all alone, so I said they were welcome to come over. Lily and Caleb had met before this, but they were more acquaintances than friends, and they became friends over Christmas dinner. They, and a couple other friends, pitched in and bought me a mixer plus a metric fuckton of baby stuff for Christmas. Lily and Caleb then began coming over more often. They made a group chat so we could make plans together, they helped me put together the nursery, Lily drove me to one of my appointments, and when I mentioned in passing that I was craving ice cream Caleb showed up with 4 tubs the next day. These are just examples, but generally they went above and beyond the last few months. I went into labour 3 weeks ago, nearly a full month early. With preemie twins things have been hectic, and I wasn't taking visitors for the first week, but a few days after coming home they told me in the group chat to open the front door, and when I did there was a bag containing ready meals and snacks, plus a couple tubs of formula. When I began taking visitors, they would show up together, and one of them minds the kids while the other cleans. The only reason I'm able to write this right now is that they came over earlier, Caleb got both girls to go to sleep, and Lily left me a meal for tonight. I have a weird relationship with the concept of asking for help. I had to be self sufficient from a young age, so asking other people for help is uncomfortable for me. They know this, which is why they're not waiting for me to ask, so much as they are just showing up and helping. I have been thanking them profusely, but they always tell me not to thank them, saying that we're friends so this is completely reasonable, but I know they're doing a lot more than anyone else would in this situation. Which prompts the question: how do I adequately thank Lily and Caleb for everything they've been doing the last few months? Where do I even begin? Relevant comments: A letter is a really nice idea, and it would save me from just saying whatever comes out of my mouth lol. We have watched a movie/TV show together a couple times but I've always ended up falling asleep. I'm thinking about doing some baking in a bit, so I might make them some brownies. • You could name them godparents. I can't believe I didn't think of that. I will absolutely do that, so long as they're willing. • Although if you want to go totally nuts, you could ask them both to marry you. :) It's tempting, tbh. I mean we have been flirting a lot. Just not sure we're there yet lol. • They aren't together, I introduced them at Christmas, and we're all flirting with each other. It was started to boost my self esteem and now it's an inside joke. Very glad the girls don't understand what we're saying yet. • I think all of these except the BBQ are doable (I live in a flat, no garden). The brownies are done for the next time they come over and I'll look into flowers now. They are very into hugging, I usually end up cuddling up with at least one of them (sometimes both lol). Thank you. OP makes another post about people offering to watch her kids unsolicited. I couldn't include it, but she gives some information about her family in the comments. It can be found here Update 5 posted in r/Adoption on May 16, 2021 (2½ months later) Sister wants me to adopt her baby, who she has promised to our abusive parents. I already have twins. Is this a good idea? I have 3 month old twin girls. I have been no contact with my parents for a decade, due to them being highly abusive and kicking me out as a teen. I am not letting them meet my kids because of this. My sister is 3 months pregnant. She lives with our parents, and says she intends to continue doing this as she doesn't want to raise a child, but they want a grandchild, so the idea is they would all live together and my parents would raise the child while my sister was only the mother on paper. I called my sister to work out a way to get the baby away from our parents. She said if I want to take the baby, she will allow a legal adoption, but that's the only other option she will consider. The bio father is not going to be involved, so he doesn't factor in here. I have the money to take in a third child, and with a bit of adjusting I could make the room. I can extend my maternity leave to a full year (it's meant to end soon), meaning that when the new-born arrives I would have 3 months left of my leave to get settled. I am a single mother, but I have a strong network of friends to help and my job has been very good with me taking leave and my work entitles me to free childcare. Would pursuing the adoption be a good idea? What would potentially having 9 month old twins and a new-born at the same time look like? Would being so close in age affect the kids growing up? Sorry if this is the wrong place to ask this, but it seemed like the most logical forum to go to. Relevant comments about the sister, the parents and the adoption: If we were to go along with the adoption and my sister were to change her mind last minute, I would be surprised, and upset, but I would understand. I loved my twins from the minute I knew I was pregnant, I can't imagine ever willingly giving them up, so if it turned out my sister felt the same, I would accept that. There's a reason bio parents are usually given a grace period to change their minds, and I would be willing to honour that. I would only draw the line at her changing her mind after several years. My sister moved in with our parents voluntarily. She's in her mid 20s, and would have been able to continue living alone, she chose to move in with them and support them financially as she was concerned about them. If they did hypothetically kick her out, which is unlikely given that she's paying for everything, she would still have income and land on her feet, and when we were talking I offered her my guest room and financial support if she wanted to move out, so if she were kicked out and couldn't afford a new place, I would be willing to extend the offer of a rent free guest room and financial support again. • I have no idea what her plans are. She's 24 and was living alone before the national lockdown, at which point she voluntarily moved in with our parents in order to support them, but she could have continued living alone, so it was entirely her choice, and she can leave any time. I assume that if the situation becomes untenable she will choose to move out again, but she says that she feels she owes it to them to support them as they supported her until she was 18. I've said that is absolutely not how that works, but she is very insistent. • No. She says that she has to stay with our parents, as she feels that she owes them her help, and that if I were to take the baby, she would have no responsibility to said baby. She also has no desire to be a mother in general, so even if she did move in with me and the baby, she would not want to provide an extra set of hands, or help with any of the (3 total) babies at all, and I'm in a far better financial position than she is, so she wouldn't want to provide income, either. • If she got pregnant again then I have no idea what I'd do, but she's said she's certain she does not want kids and wants to look into permanent birth control after the birth. She is completely willing to sign away all rights and make this a full and legal adoption, where she is the aunt and nothing more. We would of course explain the biology to the child ASAP but she would never want to act as a mother. I'm sort of hoping she doesn't take me up on the offer to live with me, as we never particularly enjoyed living together as kids and I think that plus having her around the new-born, particularly if she's still in contact with our parents, could be a recipe for disaster. She could afford to live alone right now with no issues, so I doubt she'd take me up on it anyway. Update 6 posted in r/2under2 on May 16, 2021 (same day as the previous post) I might have 3 under 1 in 6 months time I posted this elsewhere but someone directed me here so I hope this is okay. I have 3 month old twins and my sister is 3 months pregnant. She wants me to adopt her child, meaning that when my twins are 9 months old, I may be adopting her new-born, giving me 3 under 1. The 3 month olds are doing well. We got off to a shaky start, but they're currently sleeping 4-5 hours straight, so I'm hoping they'll be sleeping through the night soon, and haven't had any serious issues despite being slightly premature (couple weeks). I've arranged childcare for when I go back to work. I'm meant to go back soon, but I can either extend my maternity leave to a full year, meaning that I'll be off for 6 months, then the new-born comes, then I'll have another 3 months to adjust, or I can go back for 5-6 months and then take a second round of leave when the new baby comes. Which sounds best? I have a 3 bedroom flat, and the plan was that as the girls got older, they would get a bedroom each, but if I brought in a third child, what would be the setup? Could they share a room? How long for? Would I need to get a bigger place right away or could I hold off until I have a little more in the bank? I really want to take my sister's kid in, as it's the only way to keep them safe, but I don't know if having 3 babies on my hands at once is the best idea, particularly when I'm a single parent. Could anyone in a similar position give me a better idea of what 3 under 1 would look like? I'm think I'm doing pretty well with 2 but a third child who is 9 months younger than the others doesn't sound easy, to say the least. Any advice (or opinion) is appreciated. Thanks. Relevant comments: Would the sister give up the baby for adoption?: She would not. She says either our parents raise the baby, or I do. I did suggest other options, such as offering her resources to enable her to keep the child (she says she doesn't want to be a mother) or asking our siblings to take the baby, (she says they are all ill equipped to take the child (which is true)). Placing the baby up for adoption was mentioned, but the system isn't great where we are (better than most places but still not great) and she doesn't want to take any chances. She says that she knows I'm a good mother from what our brother has told her, and she trusts me with her child, and if I can't do it, then our parents will. What if OP and the parents said no?: My parents would never have said no. They want a grandchild really badly, and this has only been exacerbated by me having kids that I won't let them see. Frankly, my sister has been my parents' lap dog for a while, and my parents can be very manipulative, so if she were to admit that she intentionally conceived solely to give them a grandchild that they could see, I would not be surprised. After that, OP makes a post about her job as a teacher and struggles with maternity leave. It can be found here Update 7 posted in r/BabyBumps on September 12, 2021 (4 months later) He's here I'm adopting my sister's son. He was born 8 days ago, but he's over 2 months premature. Closer to 3. The birth was meant to be natural but ended up a c section due to complications, but the c section was still routine with no issues. Doctor said it went as well as it could have overall. The doctor wanted to keep my son for a bit longer because he's just so early and they want to be positive it's safe before I take him home. However, because I can't begin the formal adoption for a few weeks still, and with the you know what restricting visitors, this means I can't even visit him. I would post a pic here but I don't even have a picture to show you. I've only seen him once, immediately after the birth. My sister is allowed to see him as the birth mother but she's only been once. I was meant to be able to take him home yesterday but they asked to keep him longer and run a few more tests. I'm either getting no information or incredibly limited info because despite being his mother and him coming to live with me once he's released, because it isn't on paper yet and I didn't birth him, they're not allowed to give me the same information that my sister is getting. I'm angry and frustrated and tired and anxious and while my partners are trying to calm me, it's not working. I just want him home safe. Relevant comment: He's about 10 weeks early. I thought a week was a short time but the nurse assured me I could take him home after that. Paperwork can start from when he's 6 weeks old but that isn't including the time it takes to be approved. The other legal aspects have been dealt with so it should be a fairly simple process but I still have to wait to file. After that post, OP leaves two comments on the previous BORU post providing more information: Hi! This is me. God, I go off reddit for a few days and go viral again LMFAO. You're right. I did, very briefly, try for poly with my friends I mentioned in the advice post, and it was fine for a while but ultimately, we just weren't clicking, not helped by me having the kids, and going through a lot of big changes in life, like starting a new job and adopting my nephew, a process which is still ongoing despite him being over a year old already. I ended up single for a while, and then met my current partner, which would have been about 7 months ago now, so yeah you are right on the money with this. • Hi, I'm the OP. To be clear, the AITA sister who shamed me for not appeasing my abuser is different to the one whose child I adopted. The one whose child I adopted is financially supporting our parents, you're right, and she's still doing that. However, I have reason to believe that her pregnancy was intentional. She's never explicitly said anything, but what she has said is that our parents wanted a grandchild, and she wanted them to have one, but once she actually got pregnant, I had the conversation with her about how abusive our parents were/are, and she then pushed for me to adopt the baby, a process she is still helping me with despite supporting our parents while she does it. It feels to me like she might have intentionally gotten pregnant to essentially be a surrogate for our parents, and then realised how phenomenally stupid that idea was once she was actually pregnant. At the end of the day, the method wasn't great, but I feel like she ultimately did the right thing, and I'm seeing a fair amount of shaming her in the comments here that I don't love tbh so thanks for sticking up for her. OP later makes a comment on another post about her ex boyfriend: My ex is a deadbeat who wants nothing to do with the kids because they had the audacity to be girls, and he's stealing photos either from me or just random photos off the internet and posting on facebook about 'his girls' and how much he loves them, how much he enjoyed taking them to the park or group, and is getting praise heaped on him when he's never even met them. The bar isn't even on the floor at this point, it's subterranean. OP also shares more information about her kids and her partners: I have 2 partners and 3 kids, which means that right now we're evenly matched. One adult per child. Feels pretty perfect, number-wise. The kids are also a bit of a handful, not in terms of behaviour but twin 4 year olds and a 3 year old who is turning 4 soon, they're perfect but it's a lot. There's also the factor that my partners and I can't have kids the old fashioned way, as I'm a woman, one of my partners is also a woman, and my other partner is a trans man, so it would require IVF or sperm donors or something of that sort. We might change our mind in a few years, but for now we're content to just love our kids as is. New Update posted to OP's profile on July 29, 2025 (almost 4 years later) Life update for anyone who is still here I lost the password to this account and didn't give an email, but I was scrolling while logged out earlier and there was one post that stoked such a rage in me I pulled out my old laptop which I haven't used in 2 years that had the password saved and got in solely to reply to that post, only for it to get locked as soon as I logged in. Then I saw that I have over 60 notifications, including one from reddit saying I have rewards expiring on 31/12/24 and need to use them before they expire. Oops. All the other messages are asking how I am, what I'm up to, how me and the kids are doing, all that sort of thing so this is just a very quick post on my profile for anyone who is still here lmao. I'm fine. Thanks for asking. Would not have been able to say that a couple years ago but honestly am now. Kids are fine. The girls are 4 and starting school in September and I'm just about holding it together because it feels like yesterday that the midwife was comparing the sizes of the foetuses to various fruit and veg. Annoyingly, though, my son was born 4 days after the cut-off so he won't be starting school until next year, which he's really upset by as he wants to do what his sisters are doing. I think he'll prefer being a year behind in the long run, though, speaking as someone with several siblings who was always grateful for that extra space at school. Love life: Boyfriend is gone. Not the father but the guy I started seeing a bit after the kids were born, because he also turned out to be a scumbag. I took some time off dating, and have recently got back together with the two people I mentioned in a previous post, where I referred to them as "Lily and Caleb". We tried dating between the boyfriends, but broke it off initially because honestly I had a lot going on, my self esteem was not great, and I felt like I was using them, and since I've had some time to just be single and focus on me (and the kids, of course) I realised that I really am in love with them, and it appears that was mutual. We're coming up on our first anniversary. Kids are aware and very happy. Job: I've changed jobs once more since I last logged in. Been in the new job for about 18 months, going well, pays almost as well as stripping and it's hybrid so plenty of time at home with the kids. Baby daddy: not heard from him. Knew I wouldn't, to be fair. He's dodging child maintenance but I don't need it so not worth panicking about. Did try and put a legal case against him but it didn't go anywhere. Again, wasn't expecting it to, but both of these things are good to have on record in case he decides to be a problem again in future. I do know that he's gotten married recently, and I hope his wife has full command of their birth control. Family: again not heard from them. I do get some news from screenshots my friends send me, as a couple of relatives occasionally hop on facebook to moan about how I'm such an awful person for keeping the kids from them, but it's keeping them safe so I don't feel too bad about that. Flat: given my rapidly growing family, I was thinking about selling. I even put it on the market and there was an estate agent bringing people by while I looked at houses. I felt awful about it because I love this flat, and it's always been a symbol for me that I can achieve things I never thought I could, and of the houses I saw, not many ticked all of my boxes, so when the flat next door went on the market shortly after mine, I took it as a sign. I spoke with the owner and our shared estate agent and we agreed that I would take my flat off the market, buy theirs, and just convert it into one massive flat, which solved every problem I had and didn't hurt my property value, either. Did take a while to sort everything out but so happy I did it as my only issue with this flat was space, and that's sorted. Can't think of what else to add (except maybe that my hair is red now? IDK everything else is basically the same lmao) but happy to answer any questions if anyone is out there to ask them. Assuming that most of the people who followed me when I made that first post ~5 years ago are, like me, inactive, have forgotten their passwords, or have fully forgotten why they followed me in the first place, but if you do remember me then hi, thanks for all the well wishes and appropriately concerned messages, and I honestly just really appreciate the support. When I made this account I had no self esteem, was really low all the time, and was stuck in a controlling relationship that I didn't even realise was controlling. If it wasn't for the people here who told me to get out of there, I would probably still be in that relationship, without my beautiful family or my beautiful flat. submitted by /u/Shelly_895 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is skeletoorr. They posted in r/Parenting Thanks to u/Worth_Weather8031 for the rec! Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. Mood Spoiler: happy ending Original Post: May 2, 2025 The child actually turns 5 next week and my daughter turns 4 in 3 weeks. I don’t know this family well as they are my cleaners. But when it comes to my kid’s parties we are always of the mind the more the merrier. I’ve literally invited families from the park before. So today he came by and as he was leaving we were discussing it as I invited them a week or so ago. And he brought up he wasn’t sure because of her autism which I didn’t know she had until now. We have a few autistic kids in the family. They are mostly teenagers or adults now. But it’s not new territory for us. First thing I said was something like “oh don’t worry that doesn’t bother us. (Which I kinda feel like an ass because duh it shouldn’t bother anyone) Just let us know what we can do to make it easier for her and you guys” I then explained how the day would pan out, and how many kids were invited and their ages. I then told him, I can set up a quiet area just for her in the TV room. The TV room is literally a tiny ass room with a big old couch and a TV. But It’s off to the side. I can also put ambient lighting and sound machines in there. I also can set up some calmer solo activities for the kid too. Or even set up my daughter’s play room for the kid too. I have no problem doing what ever they need. The thing is I know what’s worked for my family members and they are boys and it’s been ages since they were her age. And autistic or not every one has individual needs. And I’m not sure at all what her needs could be. He’s coming by the house again 2 more times before the party. I would love any suggestions or ideas that I can offer them and their daughter to help make the party a fun experience for her. I even have a play tent I can set up outside. I also have an inflatable water slide. And it’s a pool party so I feel like if she needs some decompression time, the kids won’t bother her as they will most likely be in the pool. I just really want to do what I can to make this girl comfortable and have her feel safe so she can have a good time with her peers. But everyone is so different so I want to make sure I have some solid and varied options to give them so they can let me know what might be best for her. Okay im rambling now. Thank you. Some of OOP's Comments: Commenter: It would make her most sense to ask him about his child and what she needs. Then try to help by doing what would help her. OOP: Oh for sure. He’s a bashful guy and he’s not the type to really ask for anything. So I want to make sure I have a lot of options laid out and ready to go so he doesn’t feel like he’s imposing. Especially because there is the aspect of me paying him for his services so I don’t want him to think he can’t ask. I figure offering options is the best way to figure out what’s needed without him being in the position to ask me for it. Does that make sense? Commenter: My brother is autistic and crowds are a huge fear for him. Everything you're doing to accommodate is wonderful, but please make it known that it is totally okay if she doesn't want to come to a party. It can be a lot for a young kid, and he might not feel like he can say no. OOP: Oh absolutely! And I did say that. I said whatever works for them works for me. But I’m seriously happy to do whatever they need. Everyone is different and I’m by no means have any idea what it’s like to have an autistic child. But from what I’ve seen with my own family members is having opportunities like this at a young age can really help that interpersonal growth. Commenter: It does to me. Is he attending the party with her? I would go ahead and set up the sensory areas you already thought of (as a SPED teacher, I am extremely impressed!) and then when they arrive, discretely say to him that you set up a quiet area in case his daughter needs a break, and leave it at that. ❤️ OOP: Oh yes both parents are. And from a rando with limited knowledge that means a lot to me coming from a SPED teacher. I’m even thinking maybe invite them an hour early so the party is set up and it’s just my nuclear family and them. And then maybe as kids and families trickle in it won’t be too over stimulating like walking into a party is that is poppin off but a slow transition. And if they need to leave at least she will have gotten to engage in the actives and played. Commenter: Counter point, it could also be making him uncomfortable that you're doing so much extra for him/his child. I hate when people go out of their way for me, especially if it's not needed, and super especially if I've already said I don't need anything. My 4yo son is autistic, but we really don't need or make use of any accommodations, other than those I provide myself like his aac tablet (which he still doesn't use lol) I would ask if there's anything you can do, and then trust that he's an adult who can advocate for his child if he needs anything. OOP: Fair point. And I understand where you’re coming from with your POV with your son. But everyone is different. What might work for you son might not work for her. It was a quick convo and I’m here to work out the kinks and get ideas. I’m not rolling out the red carpet, I’m being a good host. Any host worth their weight will make sure all guests are well accommodated. If someone had a gluten allergy I would make sure we had gluten free snacks and treats. There is nothing wrong with communicating with your guests and figuring whatever needs they may have. This just happens to be a more unique situation. I’m sure after this even I will have a better understanding of her needs and be able to accommodate her in the future without asking. OOP explains: Oh yeah totally. I’m not going to do anything without their guidance. I just want to make sure I have my bases covered when we have a more in depth convo. And if they say they need none of that. That’s fine! They don’t have to do anything they don’t want. I just want them to know, I’m happy and willing to do what I can. With the power imbalance I feel it’s especially important for them to know they aren’t imposing on me what so ever. Commenter: I love that you're thinking this way! Totally agree that it can be hard for people to ask, especially when there's some sort of power imbalance. Throwing out options means they can pick from that list, or know ballpark the kinds of things you're willing and able to do. If none of what you're offering is quite the thing, they might be more comfortable to say what modification/variation of that would actually be good! OOP: Thank you. I feel like some aren’t picking up what I’m putting down. I’m just doing the best I can with that I’ve got. And two things were brought up I didn’t think about. The main one being safe foods. And this is why having a place like Reddit to ask and learn is so great. Food did not cross my mind at all. And now I know when I talk to them next to bring this us. Commenter: Honestly, as a parent of autistic kids, If my kiddo is having a hard time and no able to regulate, that is our cue to head out. I think just being understanding of them heading to leave at whatever point is great. OOP: Oh yeah. They can leave. They don’t have to come. I just want them to know we are happy to have them and happy to do whatever can so all our guests can have a good time. Whatever works for them works for me. Edit (Same Post): May 5, 2025 (3 days later) Edit: Man this got a little bit more emotionally complicated than I expected. First I am heartbroken and pissed at how many of you said an invite was just enough. That having your kid included meant the world. And from the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry people are ignorant dicks. I’m not doing anything special. I am doing what everyone should do. Treat people how you want to be treated. Inviting a kid into my home regardless of needs isn’t some kind of hero moment. It’s just what you do. All for one and one for all. Maybe I’m weird. Maybe I’m a freaking saint. I don’t know and I don’t care. Everyone deserves to feel seen. Second so many of you gave me so much insight to things I hadn’t considered. And I’m so thankful that I came here. Only a select few of you were weirdos. Third what may work for your autistic child may not work for the next. That’s why I’m here asking for ideas and advice. To say your autistic child would hate this and never come and shit on my invite, you’re kinda a dick. Just because one autistic child wouldn’t like it doesn’t mean another autistic child wouldn’t love what I’ve prepared. I’ll never know what it’s like to have an autistic child. But I can say never assume the world your family lives in is the exact same as everyone else. Fourth I have a paid life guard. No one will be unsupervised in my pool. Fifth I will update you after the party. Update Post: May 25, 2025 (23 days later) I have so many things to say but I’ll start off by saying it was a success. Original link is below. https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/bHeSLHEKzL 1: For a sub that should be supportive a lot of ya’ll are nasty. Think about how if someone spoke about your child that way. 2: The worst offenders were the ones that claimed they also had autistic children. I really hope you don’t view your children the way you viewed my guest. 3: If you think it’s weird I invited my cleaner and their family to my party. Open your heart more, I live in the world of the more the merrier. I suggest you do the same, you would be surprised at the community you can build. Okay onto the thick of it. About 5 days before the party. The cleaner had come by to do a medical check in with the kitten he had adopted from me. I set up a lot of the party by this point. I was hoping he could see the decorations and lay out and have a better understanding of what him and his daughter would be walking into the day of. The day of I dropped the ball. The mom text me and said she was having an allergic reaction and wouldn’t make it. I didn’t open the text and assumed they wouldn’t be coming so I stopped setting up the quiet space in favor of other chores I had to do. Then him and his daughter show up early like we discussed. Entirely my fault for not opening the whole text…if I had I would have seen where she said dad and daughter would be coming. Totally my bad. Those last hours before a party are just pure chaos. She did struggle with some of the decorations, but we figured that out, and I power cleaned/set up the quiet space. I got her all dialed in with the activities, and put on her shows and did other little things to make the space best for her. All from her dad’s guidance. She engaged in all the activities at her own pace. It did take her some time to get comfortable but once she did. She came out for the kids dance party. She was out in the living room busting some moves. And from what I understand she personally picked out the gift for my daughter and of freaking course it’s my daughter’s favorite! These kids are much more in tune than we give them credit for. They know what their peers want. We are having a 4th of July BBQ and they are invited. I appreciate you all and the truly helpful advice you gave. And now after this first event, I know how to make every event more suitable for them. And truly some of yall need Jesus and that’s coming from an atheist. Like how can you be that hateful towards me for just including people and building a community. I just will never understand being that negative. Like get therapy. Go to church. Volunteer at animal hospital. Anything to make you less hateful. We are talking about children and community. Be better. I’ll link below some of the photos of the decor. You would be surprised at what you can do with some dollar tree shit. Some of OOP's Comments: Commenter: You sound like an awesome person, thank you for being so considerate and making the world a better place 🙂🙏🏽 And I agree with you about some of the weird attitudes in here... chill out people! OOP: Thank you! I felt like I was in the twilight zone. Commenter: As a mum to an autistic child, I'm blown away by how you did so much to make the little girl comfortable. OOP: Yall are breaking my heart. I literally did nothing but be a good hostess. Editor's note: OOP commented on this post! OOP: Yall I am dying. I read this sub every night before bed. And yet here my nonsense is. But let me tell you, any day you’re this side of the dirt is a good day. I linked below some of the photos. Forgive the lighting, my house was built in 52 and has no overhead lights and I had to get creative with party lighting. I love to ball out on a budget and most of this comes from the dollar tree. If you have any questions on what I did, I’m happy to help! under the sea submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/YoungDad_sucks Originally posted to r/parenting + r/offmychest + his own page Previous BoRUs: #1 originally posted by u/toohottooheavy, #2 originally posted by u/violue, #3 and #4 originally posted by u/Stephenallen1977, #5 [New Update - 10 months later]: I 16(M) have a 4 month old daughter - ex gf wants to go to College and I am worried NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Editor's Note: removed some relevant comments from all older BoRUs for more space in this BoRU to fit in all posts. And also added paragraph breaks for readability Trigger Warnings: forced marriage, parental abandonment Mood Spoilers: wholesome and positive RECAP Original Post: October 4, 2021 Before anyone says anything - yes I knew about condoms. I was just dumb. Story time. My parents divorced when I was 10 but lived primarily with my mom. Tiffany's (16) parents are together. When our parents found out she was pregnant her parents kicked her out and my mom kicked me out. So now we live with my Dad. During the pregnancy my Dad took my mom to court and got primary sole custody - I know what this means because I had to go to court for my daughter. He sued Tiffany's parents for legal guardianship and they now pay child support for her and they are pissed and refuse to talk to us. I am in my bedroom and my daughter is in her bedroom and my ex is in the "guest room" that is now hers. My dad made a deal with us. We live with him until 18 with no rent payment at 18 we need to decide what it is we do. I wasnt really that good in school and Tiffany is an A student. So I took my GED and my dad got me into Welding school. I finish in 2 months. I also work full time so I do welding school at night. Tiffany goes to school and works on the weekends at Wendy's. This whole thing is a huge ordeal. We literally have no life. My dad helps but not that much because he feels its our responsibility which I agree but still sucks. I work 6 am - 3 pm at a warehouse and go to school from 6 pm to 10 pm. Tiffany is home by 230 and picks up our daughter from daycare. WE help each other a lot and then I head off to school and she stays with her at home until I get home and do it all over again day after day. When our daughter was born my dad made us go to court, we have 50/50 and I dont pay child support because she lives with us. Because I work full time I can get healthcare for my daughter and myself and that sucks it costs me 300 dollars a month and daycare is 400 a week. Literally Tiffany works just so we can pay for daycare and I pay for everything else. When we are short for cash my dad will help because he sees we are trying. My dad has been our rock. When we are tired and exhausted he will step in and give us a break here and there, but he makes sure we have everything we need and keeps us motivated. Tiffany wants to apply to college soon and I am worried because I dont want to keep living with her and I dont think I can keep our daughter full time as a welder working 12 hour shifts. But she says she will start at community college and work but wants to stay with us living together since its easier. Since I will be working and it will be best for us to stay with my dad. But my dad said at 18 we have to pay rent. She doesnt mind but I dont want to keep living with her because we arent together. I am unsure how to tell her this. My dad thinks she should stay with us as long as she is a full time student to finish her degree because i am already getting my career. I just feel that all this is unfair because the burden is on me. I guess I am ranting because I am scared and unsure of what all this means. Edit - I guess my thing about her living with us is that we are more like siblings now. We get along and joke and stuff but since she is my ex I feel weirded out by it. Maybe I need to take a breather since everyone is saying its a good thing. Also I needed to hear it from other people and not just my dad and he is pretty solid and i should thank him maybe take him for dinner or something. 2nd Edit - My dad isnt kicking us out at 18, but he wants us to be realistic to the world and pay bills. The money he gets from Tiffany's parents he just gives it to her, she is saving up money for a car and uses other money for her specific foods and clothes. Before I became a dad my dad always wanted me to live with him at 18 and figure it out and stay with him and save money to buy a house. When he found out I was going to be a dad he wasnt mad but disappointed and said everything has to change. He also is paying for my welding school of 20k and he bought me my car but I do have to pay my own insurance. He does help as long as he sees we are trying and not being lazy. When school recently started he took my daughter to daycare every morning and helped Tiffany with a routine to get school work done. Final edit - I have to get to class now. Tiffany wants to be a nurse or PA but the college told her nursing school is hard to get into and its best to have a high school diploma which is why she is still in high school and working the weekends. But someone mentioned a dual thing for community college and we will look into that. So we couldnt get daycare assistance because we are minors and they used my dad's salary. The funny thing is I cant open a checking account for myself because i am a minor but the bank allowed me to open a childrens account for my daughter because I am her parent lol the irony. I read every single comment and its given me a different POV and I guess college seems so far and I was counting years but its really not that bad she is like a sister now and those who asked I doubt we will get back together honestly I am not thinking about anything like that right now I am too tired to think of a relationship or that type of future.   Update #1: October 25, 2021 (three weeks later) Idk why I feel like I need to update but here it goes, Tiff and my dad went to the school and were able to get her enrolled in college courses because of her grades. She wont graduate H.S way too fast but she will have enough to finish h.s hours by next December so 6 months early. She reapplied for assistance we got a voucher for daycare so now its 50 dollars a week. She quit her job so she can focus on school but she doesnt start college until spring so thats cool it gives her some time. She still wants to be a nurse so thats cool too. I got a new job that pays more as a forklift operator and will give me an internship for welding which I wont be able to start until november/december until i finish my classes and then i have to do a 2 month internship but they are paying me really good. I started Monday. My dad and I had a long talk about my fears and he reassured me that its ok to be scared but we have a game plan. He is fixing up the basement to make 2 bedrooms and a living room like a little apartment because he said Tiff and I will need space as we grow. He wants me to buy the house when i am 18 like he did with his parents and he will help me pay it as long as Tiff gets to stay until she finishes college and let her make her own choice. We all agreed this is the best option and we are all really much happier now. I guess I just needed to let it out. Tiff and I are great while being parents is hard but its been good now that we feel a bit more secure. My mom and Tiffs parents still havent spoken to us because we arent married. Which does make me sad but its ok we have my dad - Tiff's grandparents bought her a car and said thats all they can do for her and not to contact them again until we are married. The car needs some work but I am going to pay for it to fix it up. It needs brakes, suspension and some regular maintenance. My dad finally told me what all happened and I didnt know but it made me open my eyes to all of this. My dad met my mom in H.S too and they were together and got caught kissing. Since my mom's family are Baptist they forced my dad to marry her. I didnt know in Missouri parents can marry their kids at 15 which is why my dad has been so protective. They were going to marry Tiff and I because she was pregnant and when my dad stepped in they couldnt do it. My mom and Tiffs dad went and got a license for us and were going to marry us in their church. I guess I wouldnt have minded marrying Tiff but I would rather do it later. But yeah thats why they arent talking to us. My dad did say if that happened he would helped us get it anulled but we have no intentions of speaking to them right now. He explained that Tiff is stuck and while I might be afraid she is even more afraid because she has no one and I need to reassure her we are here for her as a family. I guess I couldnt see it that way and its good that I talked to him. I hugged my dad and i have been hugging him every day now and its nice its made us closer. All of this information made me pretty sad and grateful at the same time and it helped Tiff and I really start talking more. Like we talked but we didnt talk and I didnt know she was scared too we are now doing days for us to be kids as my dad says. So we both hang out with our friends who still talk to us at least once a week and Tiff and I do a lot of stuff on the weekends now that she doesnt work. Like taking Jelly to the park and going for walks and we did a pumpkin patch. Jelly seems to be happier too and Tiff doesnt seem as tired anymore. anyway thanks everyone for the help, tips and encouragement. I doubt I will update again and just lurk for parenting advice. Edit - just want to say thanks for thinking I am a great dad but I dont believe it just yet. I depend a lot on my dad to help me. Tiff and I are trying we do take parenting classes that they offer us a lot of advice and we have made friends there which is nice. But I dont think we would be this prepared without my dad. Also Tiff is on WIC and we take parenting and co-parenting classes its my dads rules.   Update #2 - Comment in BoRU #1: April 7, 2023 (18 months later) Holy Crap guys! I finally logged into Reddit and had tons of messages and I found this post! I honestly just didnt expect this. I might as well make an update! Well Tiff and I are 18 now! I first made my post 2 years ago and Jelly is 2 years old as well. My dad is doing really good now, he FINALLY has a girlfriend and of course he met her at Tiff's community college she is an admissions counselor. Tiff is in CC for nursing and killing it! she will have her associates in nursing and then head over for her bachelors at some point but yeah she doing really good. I am a welder now and I make pretty good money. Tiff and I are back together we started dating again this new years when she kissed me and it just felt right. But she made it very clear we are dating so she is in the basement which we fixed up and I am in my room upstairs and she makes me text her if its ok to come over haha its just a funny thing we do. Yeah I am going to marry her. We go to family counseling 4 times a month 2 weeks virtual and 2 weeks in office because of our schedule we found that this helps us its like couples counseling but not. I am not the best communicator and this has helped me with stressful times with Tiff and Jelly. I feel like I aged the past 2 years. I definitely dont feel 18 I feel a bit older. Jelly is the most happiest kid and she literally lights up a room and I honestly just cant imagine not being in her life every second of the day. She loves Pa (thats what she calls my dad). She has him wrapped around his finger he literally spoils her all the time. I really love being a dad to her. I love taking naps with her and how she is just a daddy's girl, she literally is my shadow. It drives Tiff crazy but she is also really happy. We do go out on dates to like dinner and movies sometimes we just sit in the car and talk and laugh, mostly laugh. My dad has changed a lot and us 4 are really really close he is so much happier and I think his gf makes him happy like made him alive again. He's always doing some weird teaching moments like if Tiff is irritated and walks away he will just say. Well an irritated woman tends to shop to get her mind off things... can you afford that? LOL so yeah he is constantly with his little comments. I havent spoken to my mother at all and I have no intentions of doing so. Tiff's parents did come back and try to build a relationship with her but they always made her feel like shit so she cut contact with them. My dad still wants us to buy the house and I told him we have no plans on ever moving out! so I told him I will buy the house when either I am 30 or when Tiff and I get married and she said not until she graduates and gets a job. So no wedding bells for at least another 2 years. If you ask Tiff she says she doesnt plan on getting married until she is 28 so it might be longer haha.   Update #3 - Comment in BoRU #2: April 24, 2023 (17 days later) He explained that Tiff is stuck and while I might be afraid she is even more afraid because she has no one and I need to reassure her we are here for her as a family. Most-excellent dad. OOP: tbh this was the statement that made me wake up. At that time I just saw everything as a burden, I lived off of adrenaline and honestly the moment she said she was pregnant until I made that post everything was a blur. I was scared and just really confused about life. I was tired and I couldnt think everything was a fog. Tiff and I talked a lot about how regardless of whatever happens in our future she is my family, we are a family. Being 16 I wanted to just be with my family, my mom walked away and it was just me and my dad and a baby and now a gf. I know that sounds selfish but that is how I was thinking and really overwhelmed. With therapy and my dad it really helped me I wouldnt say get over but really find my own voice and be myself and actually use my words. I just bottled everything in and when my dad said that it really did break through to me.   My Dad's gf is pregnant, my dad doesnt know and she doesnt know he is going to propose and I am so happy and I need to get it off my chest before I explode and accidentally tell them: September 11, 2023 (five months later) My Dad (38) has been trusting me to not spill the beans that he is going to propose to his gf (33) lets call her Kay on his bday in 2 weeks! I helped pick up the ring when it was ready and have been hiding it for a month! But Kay spent the weekend with us and was acting very "moody" I dont want to make it sound bad because its not, but she usually is an early riser and very bubbly but this weekend she seemed very tired and different. I heard my dad yell down to the basement "we will be back" I yelled back ok. I went upstairs to get some snacks out of boredom and went into the guest bathroom not thinking anything about the door being closed and she was there staring at a pregnancy test. We locked eyes and I immediately shut the door. I waited for her to come out or say something but then I heard her crying and I knocked and opened the door and she looked at me and said she's pregnant and started sobbing. My 1st reaction was to yell for joy and then reality hit. I am 18 and my dad will be starting over and I have a daughter and my dad is a grandpa already. She asked me to keep it a secret and she believes she is about 9 wks pregnant she would have to check but yeah. I am finally going to be a big brother! I cant tell him and I cant tell her of the all around great news! I told her to wait until his bday because he would love it. I know my dad, he is going to be estatic probably scared but definitely excited. My dad has helped me become a pretty good father and even a good partner to my gf, hes an awesome dad and grandpa, now we both get to be Dads together. I cant wait to tell him (um did you check the baby's diaper LOL). Sorry had to get this off my chest. I cant tell my gf, my dad or my future step mom AHHHHH. Edit - Lets clear the air. She is happy to be pregnant and overwhelmed, she was sobbing because she didn't think it could happen because she was with her ex for 6 years and never got pregnant. Also, yes, I am 18 almost 19 with a 2.5 y/o daughter, and my GF and I live in basement of my dad's house. Update - I survived dinner and Kay brought up a baby and my dad laughed saying oh man that would be awesome but it's not in our cards (this is because Kay believed she couldnt have babies) and mentioned maybe adoption or more grandkids. Sidenote he will have to wait a long time for more grandkids, I learned my lesson. We discussed my Dad's bday and Kay's mom is going to make his favorite dish Enchiladas and its going to be at the house after we convinced my dad to have a small party with Kay's, parents and siblings, us and a few of his close friends. She thinks she is going to surprise him and he is thinking he won by having her family here. I feel like this is going so well and I will update everyone when it happens but I do appreciate the forum to express myself. I am not on Reddit very often as I am switching from 4 10's to 2nd shift and in training of 2nd shift stuff.   Update - September 26, 2023 (two weeks later) UPDATE - Well here is an update! The past 2 weeks has been hell to keep all this in and not accidentally tell anyone anything! But this is how it all went. It took me a while to make this update because I have been in my feels. Monday my Dad tried to sleep in like usual but my daughter was not having it so we made him breakfast in bed and they watched Disney movies and danced until 11 am. The rest of the day I spent cleaning the house and prepping for everyone, my gf Tiff went to go pick up Kay's parents at 330 and were at the house by 4. Kay showed up around 430. Just some info - Kay's parents are older and live with her at her house so they can save their money from working to retire faster and possibly spend the winters in warmer climate and summers here with Kay. Dinner was amazing and we all had a great time and Jelly was definitely stealing the spotlight trying to "help" blow out Pa's candles but he didnt mind so much. The whole time my heart was racing and I was trying to figure out how to help my Dad propose and help Kay tell him. So the way it happened - was that my Dad put the engagement ring in a gift bag to make it look like it was a gift to him and he planned on opening it last to surprise her, she planned on her gift having the ultrasound picture last to surprise him, as you see this wasnt working because they were both adamant on which gift being last. Again, I am struggling trying to middle man because he wasnt listening and I didnt want her to get upset. So we finally convinced him to open Kay's present before his. Arguing with the birthday boy was giving me dirty looks from everyone and Tiff ended up elbowing me in my ribs to cut it out. I was stressed. So my Dad opens Kay's gift and sees the ultrasound in a frame but didnt look at the name or anything just the ultrasound and he stared me down and then looked at Tiff and yelled "youre pregnant? Im having another grandbaby?" literally he yelled it so loud, everyone yelled congrats and Tiff yelled back F*ck No. The look of confusion on everyones face and Kay over there snort laughing and said "no Im pregnant". My Dad just blank faced stared at her for what felt like eternity which was really like 10 seconds and asked are you sure? She said yes and showed her name on the ultrasound and thats when my Dad just started crying and hugging her. He was so happy and his hands where shaking and he was hugging everyone saying he was going to be a Dad again. I nudged him and he quickly ran to get his gift and got on one knee and proposed. Now everyone is crying Kay said yes and honestly we probably could have cured some land drought with all the tears in the room. Kay's mom almost had a heart attack and her Dad couldnt stop hugging Kay and my Dad. Tiff was surprised I kept this for so long and didnt even tell her. I did ask for them to not stress me out like this if they planned a gender reveal and to just give it to someone else lol. the stress from all this literally made me nauseous! here is where I am in my feels and why it took a while for me to write this. When my gf was pregnant I didnt have that sense of joy and happiness and feeling like my Dad did. He is so excited and now he is engaged and you can just see and feel it all over him. He wouldnt stop touching Kay's stomach and kissing her. When Tiff told me she was pregnant I was scared and wanted to run. I love my daughter and she is so awesome but even going to the dr appts Tiff and I would cry after because how real it was and we werent happy. I wouldnt change any of it but some part of me feels robbed obviously this is our own fault but that doesnt take away the feeling. Then the other portion of reality hit, Kay has her own house her own family, my Dad has us, but I have my own family now and this will change everything. When is he going to move in with her? Do I take over the mortgage payments? I planned on building my credit to get approved but I thought I had time, but it seems like time was yesterday. What now about my family? She doesnt want to get married out of need but want, but what happens if something happens to me? Where will they go? where will my daughter live? How do I secure their future like my Dad did for me? anyway I hope this was the update everyone was looking for! I just want to thank everyone for giving me strength to hold on to this secret. When I felt like I was going to explode I would just come back and read the comments!   Update - April 19, 2024 (seven months later) So I have been receiving a lot of messages asking for an update, which is really wholesome but also feels weird to see my life on other SM platforms and now Tiff has seen them she said I need to keep this up lol. So idk its been 7 or 8 months? but Kay and my dad got married! he is living his best life ever but of course it didnt come without drama from my mom. She when she found out my dad was having another baby and getting married she completely flipped out, she started to call him to the point of harassment but it didnt bother him until she went after Kay and thats when he shut it down. I am not sure what he did but he drove over to her place and that was the last I heard about it. Rumorville is that he threatened to show the church what she was doing and saying which isnt "very christian like" and that was enough for her. Kay is due really soon she is 38wks pregnant and I will soon be a big brother to my little sister. On the other front Tiff is kicking school's ass she has been taking 5 classes a semester on a fast track for an ADN if she keeps up this pace without burning herself out she should be done by early next year. After that she is going to take a gap year before pursuing her BSN and in hopes that she can do it online and have the hospital do some type of tuition reimbursement so we dont have to pay out of pocket anymore. Jelly is doing great and will start pre-k this fall and we are nervous since she has always been home with us and taken care of by us that the idea of her being somewhere else and us not have full access to her is really scary. Work has been really great and I have made some really good friends there and I have been considering going into the welders union for the benefits and future pension. My job though doesnt want me to join the union and have offered to pay me more money to not join which to me screams red flag. My dad moved in with Kay and her parents, I have been paying half of the mortgage and the house bills, the goal is for me to buy the house from my dad in the next few years to relieve him of the burden of taking care of housing me and my family. Therapy is going great we moved our couples/family therapy to once a month because during my individual therapy my therapist asked me to be evaluated for ADHD and depression. Which come to find out I do have ADHD which makes a lot of sense especially when it comes to school and all my racing thoughts. I am now medicated and its like my brain is awake. I have less outbursts, I am not as easily overwhelmed to the point of anxiety and its really helped Tiff and I a lot. Its easier for me to articulate my emotions now and not have them just fester and create chaos in my brain. I got into Wheel of Time series and I saw somewhere that the books are better and I read the 1st book. I have to admit this is the 1st time I can honestly say I read a book. thinking about high school I never read the chapters I skimmed through them to get by. I cant express how much happier we are right now, Kay's parents have been the grandparents we always wished for and they treat us with so much love and respect and they just love Jelly so much they take her to the park and sometimes just stop by on Tiff and I to see how we are doing. We are constantly over there at Kay's place we go there twice a week for dinner and Jelly cant wait to meet the baby we are all excited. Tiff and I had some very serious conversations, while we are nowhere near ready to have another baby and or to get married we both have agreed that we would revisit the idea of marriage and expanding our family when we are 25. We dont want to rush anything more than we already have and she wants to focus on school and career. We did throw the idea of getting married for the benefits of in case something happens to me with life insurance, the house etc. but my dad was able to help us with getting a lawyer to make a will and trust. Our main goal is to take care of Jelly, save money and plan a family trip to Disney this summer. Relevant Comments ZestyLemonAsparagus: That’s so exciting! Let Tiff know that we are all grateful for her telling you to do this. You should always listen to her, she seems really smart, especially about doing a gap year and then continuing towards her BSN. And as a fellow guy who was diagnosed with ADHD after I finished school as well… congratulations on finishing that book! That’s an accomplishment I respect. OOP: Yeah I was pretty proud of that, I realized I had to re-read the sentence over and over, it was like I didnt know how to read. I read the sentence but I wasnt reading I was just saying words in my head. It took me around 2 months to read it. I kept getting frustrated and my therapist said I should read out loud until I get used to reading.   ----NEW UPDATE---- I bought my dad's house and Tiff, and I are married!: February 21, 2025 (10 months later) Hi everyone, there has numerous requests for updates and I still cant believe how many internet strangers are invested in my whirlwind of a life haha. Now before anyone asks no she is not pregnant or anything, but Tiff has been working at the ER as a registration person so it can help with clinicals and knowing people and getting a good rotation. Well after Christmas Tiff got really sick and she couldnt kick this weird cough she would get at night it got so bad we took her to the ER and they just said she had a bad upper respiratory. She was taking steroids and an inhaler, but it still got worse, finally after she passed out at work she was diagnosed with Walking Pnuemonia and had to stay in the hospital for 2 days because of how bad it was. At the hospital they asked for her next of kin and wanted to call her parents, my Dad tried showing the guardianship but since we are no longer minors we are technically not her next of kin. Thankfully she was able to speak enough to tell the hospital we were her family but it really did give us a wake up call. When she got home she still had some recovery and we started really talking about our future and where we are in life and how we really got snatched into adulthood, while we are happy together and we are in this to the wheels fall off we really need to stop playing family. She did bring up all the legal stuff she learned at school, wills, advanced directives and something proxy but it wasnt just about that as well but we have a daughter a life and while its 1000000000% sooner than expected we wanted to wait until we were 28-30 yrs old to get married it was the right step for us. My dad sold me the house we did owner finance went through the title company and lawyers. Tiff and I decided to get married at the courthouse but dont worry I still properly proposed with a camera man and I cleaned up very well even wore a button down shirt. For the courthouse, I did wear a suit and she did wear a dress, our friends and family was there as well to make it as special as possible. We are planning to re-marry in 2030 to have a nice wedding/ceremony we figure she will be done with school, maybe even be adult enough for a honeymoon regardless we have 5 years to plan lol. Since my Dad moved out to live with Kay it did change our relationship, we werent under "Dad's house" even though he wasnt in our relationship like that but not having a parent here really did change how we interact and its help us grow but we are nowhere near properly adulting. Like I totally forgot to buy toilet paper and random things that were just always there lol. Now for my Dad and Kay and my TINY big personality little sister, she is the best and her and Jelly absolutely love each other. I cant tell you how much seeing them gave us baby fever but dont worry we still shut that down real quick. While we feel a bit more financially stable and just stable overall we are just not ready to be adulting to the point where we have 2 kids lol. Dad and Kay are so in love its ridiculously gross but its really nice seeing him happy. Theres really not anything large happening other than trying to plan for some travelling going to Disney made us realize how much we are missing and Jelly did so well so we have some things on the 2025 travelling list, maybe road trips but I dont have a beard yet and I feel like Dad, Mom & Kid roadtrip requires for the dad to have a beard to be taken seriously. idk just a random thought. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Nah, road trips are not reserved exclusively for facial hair! However, you do have to make sure Jelly can manage being confined in the car seat for any length of time... Congrats on getting married and still having a plan! You're all doing a fabulous job - honestly, adulting is hard even without parenthood. Lots of rites of passage ... like forgetting to buy toilet paper!! How's Jelly getting on now? Are you still in the same job? Just keep on keeping on. You already got this; you're smashing it. So lovely to be updated - thank you! OOP: Jelly is doing awesome! She has learned so much in such a short period of time and we met some really cool parents from her class so now we have people to hang out with. She is really sweet and just talks soooo much, its non-stop from the time she wakes up to the time she goes to sleep she is just a talker. I am at the same job welding is great but I have still been contemplating manufacturing its cleaner and long term wont destroy my body according to Tiff. I do plan on looking around, I still have a lot to learn so I think when I officially hit 5 years is the spot, the guys at work are fun they took a while to really warm up to me but now they are real quick to teach me all their tricks. Commenter 1: That's awesome! Little Chatterbox - who does she get it from? And it's great you have found other cool parents to hang out with. Tiff's right I think - it's an industry which will take a long term toll on your physical health and you've got a great family you have to stay fighting fit for! But take all the learning you can.. All the best - if it's cool with you - please do periodically let us know how you're all getting on. OOP: she definitely is far more talkative than us. She just says whatever is on her mind and have tons of questions. According to my dad I was like this when I was a kid but slowed down when I got older. Its nice to just hear her in the background, when she stops talking we know shes into something lol. Commenter 2: Congratulations to you and your little family. I’ve followed your story and it’s fabulous to hear little updates from you. So pleased things are going good. You guys are awesome (and I include your dad, Kay and the little ones!) Commenter 3: Naaaw so happy for you, Tiff and Jelly! Congrats on the wedding! Glad to hear your dad and Kay are doing well too! And the other posters are right, you can absolutely roadtrip without a beard :) I’m sure you have lots of dad trivia you can share on the drive to get into full roadtrip dad mode! This is the lovely, happy updates I come to reddit for ❤️🥰   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/childfreerunaway Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest I run away because I'm childfree and I feel like my fiance was trying to get me pregnant Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: coercion Original Post: February 1, 2025 I’ve (26F) always known I didn’t want kids. From a young age, even when adults asked me how many kids I wanted, my answer was always none. I didn’t even know what "childfree" meant, but I always was. As I got older, I realized what it was. I just didn’t feel that unconditional love that’s supposed to come with having children. Could I love a child? What if…? I can't be a mother because I don't know what that kind of love feels like. That’s how I’ve spent my whole life. Then I met my fiance (34M) two years ago he was my first everything, and I finally experienced romantic love. But when it came to kids, I still knew I couldn’t do it from the beginning, I told him that having kids was off the table he said he was fine with that because he never really liked kids, so it wasn’t a problem for him. Five months ago, he proposed, and I said yes. We moved in together, and everything was perfect. We were planning our wedding slowly, no rush. That was until his sister had a baby two months ago my fiance instantly fell in love with his nephew and was there every step of the way. He bathed him, changed him, napped with him it seemed normal, I guess so I didn’t mind. Three weeks ago, we went to his sister’s house for lunch. My fiancé was mowing her lawn when she asked me to watch the baby for a couple of minutes. I tried to refuse, but she looked so down that I agreed. I thought she would just put him in his stroller or something, but she plopped him into my arms and went upstairs. I panicked, I had never held such a small baby before, and I was terrified I might drop him. Five minutes in, he started crying. At first, it was fine, but then he started screaming at the top of his lungs how can such a tiny baby be so loud? I was almost in tears myself, I stood up as gently as I could and went outside where my fiancé was I yelled at him to come grab the baby from me he came over, TOOK A PICTURE OF ME HOLDING THE BABY and instead of taking him from me, he started giving me tips on how to calm him down. He pushed the baby closer to my chest and said, “He really suits you.” I was on the verge of a panic attack, my hands trembling I was even more scared to drop him, I yelled, IF YOU DON’T GRAB HIM, I’M PUTTING HIM ON THE FLOOR. He got angry, called me a bitch, and grabbed the baby. I couldn’t handle it anymore, so I took an Uber home. He came home around midnight, showered, and went to sleep on the couch. The next morning, he was already gone when I woke up, and he didn’t come home until 3 am I told him we needed to talk, but he just said, Tomorrow and went back to the couch. The next day, when I came home from work, he was waiting for me. We sat down, and he apologized for how he reacted, saying he didn’t know what got into him. I asked the question I already knew the answer to. Me: Do you want to have kids now? Him: I don’t know. I just love him so much, you know? Me: Well, that’s normal, isn’t it? Him: I guess. But do you really feel that against having kids? You don’t even have to get pregnant or give birth we can adopt. (I talked about how scary pregnancy and childbirth were for me, especially because of how hard it was for my mom. She almost died giving birth to me due to complications, and she had to have an emergency hysterectomy) Me: That’s not the only reason, and you know that, you know how I feel about not knowing if I could love a kid unconditionally Him: I know, but you learned to love me, right? You can love a child too. Listen, we don’t have to agree on this now. We can get married first, and then revisit it. Please don’t shut it down immediately Then he started to cry and hugged me, so I dropped it. But deep down, I knew I couldn’t be a mom. I know myself, and honestly, I felt betrayed by him. I thought I’d eventually start resenting him, but I hoped we could get past this. Then he started doing some strange things. He changed his wallpaper to the picture of me holding the baby, he started calling me “mama.”????, he wanted to start having unprotected sex, and he even began touching my belly when he thought I was asleep (I have fertility issues that I’ve never treated because what was the point? My period is irregular, but mostly painfree, so I never bothered to do anything about it) But when he suggested I go to the doctor to see “what’s going on with that" I panicked. It felt like he was trying to get me pregnant, and abortion is still illegal in the country we’re living in. So I left I told him my mom fell in the shower and broke her leg (a lie), and I wanted to stay with her for a couple of days to make sure she was okay he said that was fine, and I waited for him to go to work. Then I grabbed important documents, some clothes, sentimental things, my dog, and I left. I don’t know if what I did was right. I’m starting to doubt myself. Maybe he just wanted me to be healthy. Maybe he was just cuddling me or liked that picture. But I can’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. He hasn’t realized that I left to never coming back. He just questioned why I took the dog, jokingly. I didn’t tell anyone; I just told my mom I missed her. Maybe I should go back and pretend everything’s okay, but something about him feels off now and just don't know anymore. I'm sorry if this is all over the place and extremely long, I just can't talk to anyone about this and is eating me alive, I probably left some things out of context so sorry about that too. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I think you are right to leave, you are clearly on different pages about children. Rail-roading you into motherhood is reckless and deceitful and not the foundations you want to build a marriage on. However, I do think you need to own your decision to leave and tell your fiance that it is over instead of running away. OOP: You're probably right but I always run away, I can't handle confrontation, I run away instead of moving out like a normal person when I was 18 Does the fiance know where OOP has left to? OOP: Gladly he was never in my home country, he has a super demanding job so he doesn't even take vacations so is nearly impossible for him to find me, even if he tries I'm not even in the capital or near there Commenter 2: “We can get married first and then revisit it” he plans to make it harder for you to escape. Tell him your firm stance on “no children”. My stepmom didn’t love me unconditionally and it fucked me up. Even if you would be a good mother it’s so fucked that he forced you to keep holding the baby. His sister too. OOP: I can't blame the sister, she's a single mom and is doing everything on her own, her birth had some complication and she really is doing the best she can Commenter 3: Idk OP I would trust your gut. I also don't like his reaction to you with the baby. Is that really what a supportive partner would do in that situation? How is that supposed to make you do anything other than freak out? He sees you struggle and tries to double down? That's not a good start for any situation, but especially when it comes to babies. I know you don't want kids, but I'm not even sure this guy would be a good co-parent judging by how easily he dismissed your concerns overall. OOP: He has a really demanding job he tried to say he would help a lot but he is barely home, when is he going to do this things? At 11 pm? Commenter 4: He’s trying to baby trap you. If you go back look into bc. Edit: bc that you can control, iud, depo shot, implants, pills (but be careful here, see below comment). OOP: I tried to get the shots and it messed me out so bad, so my doctor told me to stick to the pills since is a smaller dosis or something like that Did OOP moved to her fiance's country for a reason? OOP: Yes, I move to his country for work but he was never in mine   Update: February 11, 2025 (10 days later) So, I'm going to try to make this as chronologically accurate and concise as possible. If something is unclear, I’ll clarify in the comments. The first thing I did after my last post was get a blood pregnancy test (it was negative). That night, I also spoke to my mom I wasn't comfortable sharing every single detail, so I left some things out, but she told me she supports me and that I can stay with her for as long as I need. I also talked to my sisters they admitted they never liked the idea of me dating someone so much older, but they didn’t want to push me because they know me. If they did, I’d probably get angry, distance myself, and become even more dependent on him. I apologized for overreacting at everything and assured them that they should never hesitate to tell me if something feels weird or wrong. I called my boss and gave him a more family-friendly version of the story. He was absolutely livid not only with him but also with me for not telling him sooner. He’s like my work dad and was the one who requested I join him. He said he didn’t bring me to a foreign country without intending to take care of me. He promised to pull some strings to get me a position at the office in my country since my former position was already filled. He also told me that if I wanted to get my things back I could go back on a Saturday, and he would accompany me. After thinking about it, I decided to go back, it might seem silly, but I had spent a lot of money on K-pop photo cards, albums, mangas and I didn’t want to start my collection from scratch. So, I spent a couple of days with friends and visiting family, realizing how lonely and isolated I felt in a foreign country even though it's not that far from home I knew I could never leave my family like that again. Even my dog seemed happier, spending every afternoon cuddling with my mom. I also visited my father's grave. I’ve always hated cemeteries and avoided them, but I needed him in that moment. I went alone, brought fresh flowers, cleaned a little, and just sat there talking to him. I told him none of this would have happened if he hadn’t passed away. I cried like A LOT, then laughed like a crazy person. I ended up staying for about three hours, but it felt so healing. I also went to my mom’s gynecologist, and she said it was possible to get a tubal ligation, especially considering my health issues. She warned me it could take about six months, but I was okay with the wait, so we started the process. I felt so free after that appointment and just so much happier being home. I didn’t even think about my ex until he messaged me asking about my mom. I told him she was doing better and that I’d be back on Saturday. I decided to talk to him face-to-face, since I was already going back to collect my things. On Friday afternoon, my sister lent me her car, and I drove back. It’s almost a 12-hour drive, but with breaks, it took about 14 hours. I went straight to my boss’s house, and when I arrived around 9 a.m., he asked me to have breakfast with him and his family. Afterward, he and his son came with me to my ex’s house to help pack up my things, I even get some of my favorite plants. They made fun of my taste in music, and we finished in about an hour and a half. Afterward, I went to my ex’s sister’s house. I needed to know if the whole baby incident had been a setup. I knew she didn’t work on Saturdays, so I went to her house. Luckily, she was home and invited me in. We sat in awkward silence for a moment until I asked her: Me: Did your brother ask you to make me hold the baby? Her: What? No, why? What even happened that day? When I went downstairs, you weren’t there, and he said you got sick and had to leave. Me: What did he tell you exactly? Her: He said you had a panic attack because of fertility issues, and holding the baby was triggering. I told him that didn’t sound like you, but he said, “How are you supposed to know more about my fiancée than I do?” Then he left. Me: What the actual fuck? Her: Yeah, he even said you wanted to babysit and go to the park as a couple with the baby, but I told him he was crazy if he thought I’d let him use my baby like that. He got mad at me and didn’t speak to me for a couple of days. Then I laughed and explained what actually happened. She was furious—so mad she started crying. She apologized for leaving me with the baby, and I apologized for saying I was going to put the baby on the floor, clarifying that I wasn’t actually going to do that. She said she was genuinely considering going low-contact with him because his behavior was creepy, and she feared he might do something to the baby. I decided to tell her I was leaving her brother, and she said she understood. We hugged, and she said she’d miss me. I went back to my boss’s house to wait for my ex to get home. I told him to text me when he got off work, I was a nervous wreck. I almost threw up. My boss’s wife made me chamomile tea and stayed by my side, rubbing my back (I honestly love that woman, the whole family, really) My boss and his son came with me to his apartment. One thing about my boss—he’s a softy, but he’s huge. He’s 195cm (6'3") and about 130kg (286 lbs) and his son is basically a carbon copy of him, so I felt pretty safe. When my ex got home, he smiled at me, but then saw my boss and his son. He asked me what was going on. Me: I’m breaking up with you. You’re clearly going through a baby fever phase, and I don’t want any part of that. Him: What do you mean, breaking up? We can’t break up. We love each other. Me: No. You love the idea of me being pregnant with your child and that’s not going to happen. He tried to hug me, but my boss grabbed his shoulder and said, “Why don’t you sit here with me?” Him: I can’t lose you. I love you. You’re my soulmate. I can’t live without you. If you leave me, I’ll die. I would rather never have kids than lose you. I’ll even get a vasectomy, but please stay. What will our families think? You can’t just break off the engagement like this. Me: First of all, this isn’t a telenovela, so calm down. Second, I never even told my family we were engaged, and I’ve already told them we broke up. Him: What about the dog? You can’t just take her. Me: What dog? The dog I’ve had since I was 17? That’s my dog, and she barely tolerates you. Trust me, she’s much happier with my mom. He started sobbing, and tried to speak, but I couldn’t understand him. My boss’s son couldn't chose a worst moment to laughed and asked, “You really didn’t tell your family?” Me: I just never found the right moment, you know? My ex calmed down a little and said he’d never let me go. He still loved me, blah, blah, blah. I felt a little threatened when he said something like, “I’ll find you and make you fall in love with me again.” I told him, “Good luck with that, but seriously, we’re not in a telenovela. Enough with the drama.” I gave him the ring back, and he threw it at me (though it didn’t hit me). I said, “I hope you find someone who wants kids, but I also hope you get psychological help,” and we left. I spent the night at my boss’s house, and the next morning, I went back home. I spent the rest of Sunday sleeping because I had a bit of a fever (that’s me the girl who gets emotional fevers👍). I helped my mom with her business today, and my therapy session is on the 13th. Due to how things went in the office, I’ll start again in March. They kind of fired me, to rehired me. Thank you so much for helping me see how crazy this whole situation was. I feel so happy and so light now. I forgot how much I love having my family around. I probably won’t update again unless something crazy happens, but yeah thank you people (especially women) of reddit 🩷✨ Edit to clarify a couple of things Some people said and even messaged me to tell me I never loved my fiance and I'm a horrible cold person. I did love him and I think I still do, I had a whole script memorized to talk to him about his sister's baby, he wanting unprotected sex, why I ran away but I panicked and forgot everything and decided to just be blunt and direct I didn't take two men to make fun of him while I broke up with him (that's actually insane) they come with me because I didn't feel safe with my ex alone People saying I need therapy, I know I already made the appointment it's on the 13th About the tube ligation, it's nothing confirmed yet but I'll try to get a bilateral salpingectomy (someone here actually let me know what that was) I wanted a histerectomy but that's basically impossible according to my doctor Some people told me this sounds fake, I wish but no is real, maybe it's the way I worded or because English is not my first language idk but there's that Relevant Comments Commenter 1: This can't be real, families like your bosses don't exist. They're too supportive... think they might adopt me...? 😍 On a serious note, I'm so happy for you! You knew what you wanted and owned it like a real badass! Not liking confrontation isn't something to be ashamed of, and I hope you're proud of yourself and who you've become. I'm confident your dad would be. OOP: He kind of adopts anyone who starts working with him Commenter 2: Your boss's son had me cackling. I'd be careful about your ex though, sounds like the start of a stalker behaviour. OOP: My mom has security cameras already so I'm feeling confident Also I don't think he's just going to leave everything to follow me not even knowing where I am Commenter 3: The fact that a 26 year old woman can opt into a tubal in your country with very little work is so mind blowing to me. I know that’s not the right takeaway from this but dang OOP: It's not that easy of a process I have to make appointments with a general doctor, I already have my gynecologist, then a licenced psychologist needs to give me an ok and because I have POS I need an appointment with an endocrinologist or something like that, it's long but is doable Commenter 4: I’m curious, is there a legal way to keep an eye on him in his country? Also, is he active on social media and tends to share everything, from like when he gets up and then walks to work as he picks his nose? His responses are making me a bit uneasy. It seems like he’s genuinely clueless about the consequences of his actions and how they’ve affected you. OOP: I don't think they can really just watch him "without cause" but my boss's wife advised me to go to a police station before going out of the country again to let them know I was leaving willingly just in case, And no he doesn't post much on social media just big events, birthday anniversaries and that kind of stuff   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/fancyapanda Originally posted to r/AITAH AITA for Refusing to Co-Sign My Sister’s Mortgage After My Parents Went Behind My Back? Thanks to u/queenlegolas u/soayherder & u/boringhistoryfan for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: identity theft, financial fraud Original Post: December 26, 2024 I (28F) have been busting my butt for years to save for my own house. I work in software, so I make decent money, but it still takes forever to build up a good down payment. Meanwhile, my younger sister (25F) is in grad school with barely any credit. Our parents (both mid-50s) found a house near them and decided she needs it. They made an offer—without telling me—and now the deal only goes through if I co-sign. The problem? I had no clue they’d do this. My parents basically dropped a bomb: “You have the best credit score—co-sign so your sister can get the house!” They also hinted I should chip in for the down payment because “you’ve got the money.” If I co-sign, I’ll be on the hook if my sister can’t pay. She’s still in school, has debt, and zero backup plan. The bank might also reject my future mortgage application since they’ll see I’m already tied to another loan. But my parents say I’m “selfish” and “forgetting family values.” My sister’s calling me a monster for leaving her “stranded,” and my mom threatened to cut off any future financial help (like wedding money) if I don’t help right now. Some relatives think it’s insane my parents tried to rope me into this after they already made the offer. Others say I should just do it for “the family’s sake.” I feel guilty, but also mad they put me in this spot. AITA for protecting my own finances, or are they wrong for strong-arming me into co-signing a mortgage I never wanted in the first place? EDIT: I’m actually adopted lmao forgot to mention in my confused and angry state. My parents adopted me when I was very young because they’d been struggling to conceive. A few years later, they had my younger sister naturally, which was a huge deal to them—she was their “miracle baby.” Ever since, it’s felt like my role in the family became “the older, adopted one,” while she was the golden child who could do no wrong. Growing up, I was expected to pitch in more, be more responsible, and generally look out for my sister. I worked my butt off in school, snagged scholarships, and eventually landed a good job in software. All the while, I felt like my family mostly saw me as the “fallback option” in case anyone needed financial or emotional support. Now that I’m actually building my own life—saving for a house, focusing on my career—I’m realizing how my success just makes me look like a bigger piggy bank to my parents. The more independent I become, the clearer it is that I need to separate myself from the constant guilt trips and the unspoken expectation that I’ll always bail them (or my sister) out. I love them, but I can’t keep sacrificing my own future to maintain a dynamic where I’m never the priority. So thank you all for the wake up call. Update to come AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Relevant / Top Comments Why didn’t OOP’s parents co-sign the loan? OOP: They have financial strains and don’t want to incure thar risk. And don’t have the best credit either Why didn’t OOP's parents help her with buying a house? OOP: We were at odds due to another family issue Commenter 1: So, your sister is the Golden child and you are not. Don't cosign the loan. Tell your parents to give your sister the wedding money and since your finances won't be a dumpster fire (as they would if you cosign the loan) you'll pay for your own wedding-- and will be sure to send them a picture since obviously they won't be there. Tell them how much you appreciate them freeing you from having to care for them as they age since that will fall 100% to your sister. NTA but your family is really toxic. OOP: Probably something I should have said this but was blinded by my confusion and forgot to mention. I was adopted, not at as a baby but around the age of 6. Was always different and never bothered to reconnect with bio mom. I knew I was an outsider but as I got older and somewhat over shadowed my younger sister with my “successful “career I think it created a resentment between my parents and me. So it think it’s hitting it breaking point and really showing… Commenter 2: Absolutely do NOT co-sign. NTA if you refuse. Let your Mom not pay for the wedding. If she’s threatening now, she will again. In the end she probably won’t. But that’s not hhe main reason not to co-sign. The main reason is there is a huge chance you will be in debt for a house that is not yours. Commenter 3: Terrible idea.. why does she need a house rn if she has barely any credit and she’s mid grad school.. an apartment sounds like what she needs Commenter 4: Lock down your credit score and make sure they can't use your information anyway. My sister had hers trashed by the EX because he would take out loans in her name. I have seen parents do this as well, regardless of the child's age. Or consent.   Update #1: December 27, 2024 (next day) Okay, so here’s where I’m at: I’m absolutely not signing my sister’s mortgage (and I’m definitely not pitching in for any down payment). This whole thing was the final push I needed to realize how messed up our family dynamic has been for ages. I mean, I’ve always known it was bad, but having them basically try to volunteer me—and my finances—without even asking just crossed a line I can’t ignore anymore. I’m done. I’ve decided to cut ties. I’m already in the process of dropping any financial entanglements we might have—cutting off shared accounts, making sure they can’t use my information for anything, and basically scrubbing them from my finances. My job lets me work remotely, so I’m planning to move out of state soon. That was always in the back of my mind, but now it feels urgent. I need space, distance, and a real shot at a normal life without the constant guilt trips. I’m also locking down my credit—freezing it, changing passwords, everything. I’m not taking any chances that someone might try to open a line of credit in my name. I’ve seen enough horror stories and I’m not about to become one. Thankfully, I’m not alone in all this. My close friends have been incredible. They’re basically my real family at this point—helping me pack, offering me a place to stay if I need it, reminding me that I’m not crazy for wanting to protect my future. They’ve been the biggest source of support, and I’m honestly so grateful to have them in my corner. So yeah, that’s it. I’m not signing. I’m leaving. I’m done. If my family wants to blow up at me for “abandoning them,” so be it. I’ve gotta look out for myself, my credit, and my sanity. Here’s to hoping things only get better from here. Everyone who commented their 2 cents are amazing people and I thank you all for your support while I’m dealing with this. Truly thank you. ❤️ Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Be sure to freeze your credit with all 3 bureaus and freeze your Social Security number as well. OOP clarifies the timeline on when she was adopted into the family OOP: Honestly, it’s not as dramatic as it sounds. We’re three years apart in age—I’m older—but my adoption was finalized around the time my sister was toddler-aged. The process itself had started earlier, and it wasn’t all done in a day. My parents had me placed with them before it was legally official, so by the time the paperwork went through when I was six, she was already three. It’s just a messy timeline that happens when adoption, fertility struggles etc. I forget all the details sometimes my apologies Commenter 2: I would also contact the financial institution that is issuing the mortgage and tell them you’re not involved in case they forge your signature. They have your social security number and may have already had the bank run your information.   Update #2: December 28, 2024 (next day) Discovered a Credit Card in My Name Ok. I was really hoping the update post would be the last one but here I am . I didn’t expect it to turn into a bigger mess. After deciding not to co-sign the mortgage for my sister, I started taking extra precautions with my finances locking down my credit, pulling my full credit reports, like you all suggested. I wanted to be absolutely sure no one could use my information without me knowing. That’s when I stumbled on an active credit card I didn’t open. Some of you guys warned me and I guess I wasn’t fast enough to lock down. It’s been around for a couple of years now.. It was being using but I’m assuming my parents wanted to keep it from me with the intention of using it as leverage. As of YESTERDAY, the statements show purchases that look a lot like household expenses. The billing address on file points right back to my parents’ home. I confronted them, via text, because I’m currently a couple hours away with a close friend. They claimed I “benefited” from these expenses, which doesn’t make much sense like how did because they never helped me with setting up my own apartment. Also, it explains why they assumed I’d be okay with co-signing: turns out they’ve been using my credit for a while. Needless to say, I feel completely betrayed. This wasn’t some tiny oversight my parents have been quietly using my name to fund their expenses. Now I’m talking to a professional to figure out whether I should dispute the charges or close the account outright (without tanking my own credit in the process). It’s nerve-wracking realizing how they went behind my back even before this mortgage BS. At this point, I’m even more determined to move out of state to get distance from all this. My job is thankfully remote-friendly, so relocating won’t wreck my career. My friends have been amazing, offering support so I don’t completely lose my mind. If it weren’t for them, I’d be a mess right now. I’m not trying to be vindictive or over-dramatic I just need to protect myself. The trust is gone, and I don’t see how I can maintain a healthy relationship with people who thought this was okay. It’s sad, and I wish it didn’t come to this, but I’ve got to prioritize my own future. I’ll let you know if anything else major happens, but for now I’m focused on fully separating my finances from my family, getting ready to move, and making sure I don’t pay the price (credit-wise) for something I never agreed to. It’s scary, but I’m hoping it’ll be worth it to finally have a life and a credit score of my own. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Well. If They opened credit in your name, that is considered identity theft. You should file a police report. Let the chips fall where they may. Commenter 2: Hang in there. Don't forget to check with ChexSystem to make sure they haven't used your name to sign leases and utilities that won't show up in a regular Credit Bureau check. Commenter 3: If there is debt left on the card then you should contest that with the cc company. You want that debt to come off your credit rating. This also reads like identity theft. You have grounds for reporting your parents to authorities. Commenter 4: File a police report NOW. you're not liable for any of this, and can get it wiped through the courts, but the first step is reporting the identity theft.   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/scaredofasnake OOP Has reached out and let me know she updated and gives her permission My (24 F) husband (26 M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. Previous BoRU TRIGGER WARNING: Animal abuse, Neglect, Animal trafficking, Manipulation, cancer Original Post May 7, 2015 Maybe this would be more appropriate on /r/snakes, but this problem is less about the python itself and more about my relationship with my husband, so personally I don't think so. Six months ago, our corn snake unexpectedly died. My husband and I were both very upset; he was a cute little guy and still very young. My husband has owned several small reptiles during his lifetime, and he told me he was thinking of trying a milk snake this time instead of a corn or a garter. Instead, two months after our corn died he came home with a baby Burmese python. Apparently it's always been his dream to own a Burmese. Not only am I pissed that he got something like that without consulting me (on the upside, where we live they are legal) but I had several reservations that have only grown since we've owned it. -I have GAD and that thing triggers my anxiety like no other. When I was doing research about Burmese pythons I kept reading stories about them killing pets, children, and even their owners. So now I'm freaked out and have barely slept for four months. This is made worse by the fact that my husband has no experience with large snakes and the larger the python grows, the more it shows, and also by us having a cat. The other snakes we've had (our corn snake, and my husband's old garter snake) posed no threat but now I constantly worry that the python is going to get out and eat her. I've taken to locking the cat in our bedroom at night, which interferes with our sleep since she meows and scratches at the door, and I constantly worry about her when she's home alone. -I'll reiterate, this thing is fucking huge. He is already 6 feet long. -I'm home more than my husband so I have to feed it and change its substrates often. I hate doing both. So much. Especially now that he's graduated to eating rabbits and pigs. I honestly think that since my husband bought him without consulting me that caring for it should be his sole job, but I'm not going to let it go hungry or live in its own waste out of pride. -I honestly don't think we'll be able to give this snake the best quality of life, which I think is essential for all pets. He's getting too big for the tank he's in, which is his third since we've gotten him, and I don't think we have the room in our house for the enclosure my husband wants to build him. His food is very expensive and eating into our savings, but it's what he needs, so we can't downgrade. The python does not deserve to live in a tiny space and eat inadequate food because my husband wanted one as a kid. At the same time it's a good possibility it could eat us out of house and home. -I don't want kids while we own a python and these things can live up to 20 years. I don't want to never have children, which I've dreamed of, because of a python. Because of all these reasons, but especially the ones about our cat and its quality of life, I think we should rehome the python, preferably to a wildlife sanctuary or something. I've gently brought all of this up to my husband-how much mental anguish it causes me, how worried I am for our cat, how the snake is unsustainable-and all he's done is tell me to get over it, accuse me of not caring about his happiness, and tell me I'm being prejudiced against animals that aren't cute and cuddly. None of this is true, not even the last accusation, I liked his smaller snakes a lot. How can I communicate productively with my husband about this issue? He already loves this snake and I think that's getting in the way of him seeing reason. Edit: Fucked up the title. My husband is male. Edit 2: For the snake people-I acknowledge now that our husbandry is probably wrong (proving my point even more!) Also I have been informed that the snake probably wasn't a baby if it's at this size now so take that into an account. I am not the most knowledgeable about snakes. tl;dr: My husband adopted a Burmese python without consulting me. For a variety of reasons, most of all that I worry that it could kill us and the cat, that we don't have enough experience with large reptiles, and that its conditions are too expensive, I think we should rehome it. My husband thinks this means I hate snakes and is offended I want to rehome the python. I need advice on how to communicate with him in a way that will make him see my perspective. RELEVANT COMMENTS/ADDITIONAL INFO OOP on her husband's rebuttals to her arguments Here they were: -as far as worrying about the python getting out and killing the cat/future kids/us: "I won't let it get out. You need to go on new anxiety medication." Never mind the fact that both the corn and the garter escaped from their tanks. -"Well, what are you going to do? Let it starve just because you don't like it? That's cruel." -He says that we have room for the enclosure and that we'll find money to keep buying it food. -He says I'm ridiculous to not want babies while we have a python and says everything will be fine. I don't find any of his rebuttals particularly compelling because they're just "No that won't happen" to a concern of mine without explaining WHY it won't happen. Update 1 May 14, 2015 First of all, I have to say thank you for the outpouring of support I got, especially from the reptile enthusiasts who happened to be browsing this sub. You guys are awesome! Now, I just want to say at the beginning so what everyone wants to hear is heard: the snake is gone and my cat is all right! Here's how it happened. Thursday night while I was replying to people in my post several people suggesting talking to my husband's friend, who owns Burmese pythons, is an experienced reptile keeper, and could be a huge help. I was too blinded by the situation/my own anxiety to even think of that. I messaged him on Facebook Thursday night and told him the situation. He was shocked at just how bad things were, but apparently he tried to warn my husband that owning small snakes and then jumping to a Burm is like thinking owning housecats makes you qualified to own a tiger, but my husband didn't listen. He's been busy going to reptile shows (dude breeds venomous cobras-he's kind of a badass) so he only saw the snake in person once when we just got it and was immediately disturbed when I told him about the overfeeding, my husband's desire to start it on live food, and the fact that it free roams and is handed alone. He told me he'd come over the next day (Friday) and give my husband a real talking to, as well as do anything he could to help us rehome it. I decided I couldn't live another day in the house like that and neither could my cat, so Friday morning I moved out to my mother's while my husband was at work. It was a bit sneaky, but I knew that if I tried to leave while he was home he'd try to convince me to stay. I called him on his lunch break though and told him I'd left until the snake was gone. He was very upset, but started accusing me of being so petty as to let a snake wreck our marriage. I had nothing productive to say to that so I told him I'd talk to him later. Well, my husband's friend was so angry at what he saw of the snake that when he got to the house when my husband was home from work he gave him the tongue lashing of his life, and told him in plain terms that now that he saw how woefully inadequate we were as big snake keepers there was NO WAY he was going to let the snake stay at our house. Being yelled at really affected him, when my husband drove over to my mother's to talk to me he looked like a kicked puppy. He broke down and told me that he loved me, that he was sorry for the hell he'd put me through, and that it'd taken having reason yelled to him by an expert for him to really see what was going on and that he understood now that the snake could no longer live with us. I know that at that point that the sorrow he felt was due to having his snake taken away, not of real understanding, not yet. So don't worry, he's not completely off the hook. It was cathartic to hear though. His friend contacted a herpetology society he works with regularly and then, a member of that society whose specialty is rehabilitating snakes that irresponsible pet owners get and then mistreat on his ranch. So snake went yesterday to this guy's ranch, where he'll be fed the right food (and go on a diet, apparently!) and live in a space big enough for him. My husband and I have talked a lot about this and he acknowledged that his fervent desire to fulfill his childhood dream made him careless and selfish: that he wasn't trying to be malicious towards me, but he just wanted the snake so badly he'd do and say anything to keep it. It still seems like, though, that he hasn't learned, which I'm not expecting this early but is still a mite disappointing. He talked yesterday about getting a ball python and I put my foot down. I don't think we should get another snake for a long time. On Sunday I sat him down and asked him to tell me the truth of how he got the python, because walking into a pet shop for a milk snake and just finding a Burmese was sounding more and more implausible the more I thought about it. He admitted that he arranged to get one with a breeder online while he was telling me he wanted a little snake, meaning he was actively lying to me. This breeder is also a state away, meaning my husband participated in something illegal when he met up with him to get it, since transporting Burmese pythons across state lines is against the Lacy Act. I'm very angry about this. I'm upset about his lies, and I'm upset that he blew me off for months. He admitted he lied just because he knew I'd say no, which shows such an immaturity that almost disgusts me. I'm upset that he broke the law. I'm upset that he only listened to what I told him when it came from someone else. Apparently he's been having a quarter life crisis that he didn't tell me about, because he feels that he should have accomplished more with his life at 26 (he never went to college). I feel sympathy for him with that. But that's no excuse to treat me badly. I moved back home with kitty last night, but our marriage is in severe jeopardy right now due to the lying and the lack of respect my husband has shown me. But I made vows to stick with him and I don't take those lightly. We're going to be getting counseling, which I hope will make him really see what was wrong with what he did, rather than a knee jerk response to "being in trouble", so to speak, and will strengthen us. If not . . . well, I'll have to consider my options. PS: People were saying in the other post that we were actually feeding the snake guinea pigs and that I was lying to make the snake look bad. Well, I was fudging the truth, but not the way. We were feeding it dead pigLETS. My husband's cousin owns a working ranch with several pigs, and my husband was buying them from him for a pretty penny. I didn't want to say because I thought people would focus on the snake eating baby animals and start calling for its blood instead of offering me advice. tl;dr: I went to my mother's with my cat and my husband's reptile keeper friend caused him to see reason. The snake is gone, and I'm back with my very happy and healthy kitty. However, our marriage was severely hurt by this whole thing, and we're going to be getting counseling. Update 2 June 13, 2015 Hi, I'm back. The snake is still gone, but I guess I'm coming back out of desperation. People messaged me wanting to know how I was doing anyway. On the surface, therapy has been going well. My husband has been doing everything right. He's been contrite, open minded, and treats me like a princess at all times. I can tell at home that he's making a conscious effort to listen to my opinions and thoughts, and incorporate our therapist's suggestions into our lives. I feel like the hugest bitch saying this, but I don't think it's enough. Over these past weeks I've had to come to terms with the fact that something about how I view my husband has fundamentally changed. And finally, after extensive soul searching a few days ago, I realized what it was: I have no respect for his intelligence anymore, after all this. That is very, very important to me, and now it's just gone and I don't know how it can come back without him getting a personality overhaul. It's killed my physical attraction to him. I normally have a high libido and prior to all this we made love 4 to 5 times a week. Now, since all this went down we've been intimate 3 times. To be fair, while snake was here we were down to 2 to 3 times a week, but it was still more frequent than this. Despite all the changes he's making he's still himself and I don't think I can like who I know him to be now. He's still his goofy, absentminded self who needs me to balance the checkbook and pack his lunch. I can't respect that anymore, I don't want to be his mom or a naggy sitcom wife. I used to love doing these things for him; throughout our relationship I've taken care of him, patched him up, and helped him solve his problems. I always saw it as the ultimate expression of love. Now I'm just sick of it. He can tell something's still wrong; he's irritated about my lack of forgiveness and lack of a sex drive lately when he's objectively doing all the right things. But his lack of understanding towards my apprehension makes my feelings even more pronounced. I realized the other day that I love him dearly as a friend-I've known him since I was 9 years old-but no longer as a husband. That devastates me. I can't believe I'm thinking divorce after less than a year of marriage. I feel like such a failure. I haven't broached these feelings in therapy yet, because they crystallized only a few days ago. But I don't know how to start because I know saying them will mean my marriage will be over. I have talked to my mom and friends about this, and they all tell me to wait longer, to stick it out, because I made vows. But I feel like I found out something fundamental about my husband that I wish I never had, and that nothing can be the same now. tl;dr: I think I'm going to have to divorce my husband and it's killing me inside NEW UPDATE - 9 Years Later Update 3 Oct 14, 2024 (9 years later) 10 years ago, I posted on r/relationships about being scared of my ex-husband's giant snake. Here is an update! One of my friends sent me this (https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1bb23qr/my\_24\_f\_husband\_26\_m\_abruptly\_adopted\_a\_burmese/) link to r/BestofRedditorUpdates saying "I think you wrote these posts!" And reading them, yeah I did. A lot of people seem to be wondering what happened to me so I logged into this account for the first time in 10 years to give one final update about what happened. I'm posting here because I'm not quite sure where to post, I feel like r/relationships isn't really a thing anymore. Basically, my ex-husband brought home a Burmese python after telling me he wanted a milk snake, I was really scared of it and anxious and he was dismissive of my worries. I ended up getting the snake shipped off to a reptile ranch but it absolutely shook my trust in my ex because he was lying to me. It also made me realize he relied on me to do everything for him like a second mother and that I hated that. I really tried to work through the feelings I posted in the second update but after three months, we separated. It's totally ok if you judge me for this because I judge myself: after being separated for half a year, we ended up having sex. My grandma had just died, I was devastated, and he came to the funeral to support me and because he'd known her forever and loved her too. We went home together after the family lunch and we ended up having comfort sex. Neither of us wanted kids at that point, but my IUD had slipped into my cervix at some point before this and I ended up getting pregnant. Both of us were unsure about introducing a kid into our relationship, but decided to get back together and make another effort. I had always wanted to be a mom, and didn't want to abort. We found out pretty early into the pregnancy that it was actually a molar pregnancy. Meaning that instead of a normal fetus, I was pregnant with a tumor. I had the mole removed, but I was one of those lucky people who develops cancer from their molar pregnancy. Luckily the cancer was caught when I was only at Stage II and responded really well to chemotherapy. I've been cancer free since 2016. However, my ex's behavior when I was extremely sick from chemo (we had stayed together after losing the pregnancy) caused me to put my foot down and want to divorce. He wouldn't (or couldn't) pick up the slack around the house and I couldn't deal with it anymore. I felt like I couldn't depend on him for anything, not even when I had cancer. Literally a week after I was told I was cancer free I told him I was moving out and wanted a divorce. I lived with my mom for a year while our divorce was being finalized and and a bit after it, and then decided to get a job in a new city because I needed a new beginning. I also decided to fulfill a dream of mine I'd been mulling over for a while and went back to college to get my BSN in 2017. I graduated in 2019 because I was in an accelerated program for people who already have another degree, and I now work as a neonatal nurse. The job can be really wearing and difficult but it's so amazing watching tiny and sick babies grow and thrive and eventually leave! I feel like I've found my calling. I also met a guy in my class when I went back to school. We were just friends for two years, because I didn't feel ready to date, and then in 2019 we started dating. That guy is now my husband; we got married in 2022. My current husband is the most amazing man and partner I could have ever asked for. I can fully lean on him, and him on me. And I don't have to ask him to please pick his socks up off of the floor! He even does most of the cooking because I hate cooking. Due to my cancer treatment, I went into premature ovarian failure, so we are going to start IVF in the new year with eggs I had frozen before my chemo began. We also want to adopt and/or foster at some point and have been looking into that as well. I know for sure my husband is going to be a wonderful support for me and an amazing father. At the time of my divorce I had no confidence my ex would be either of those things. I don't want to just bash my ex though. He is doing much better since we got divorced. A month after I left for good, he attempted suicide and was put on a 72 hour hold at the hospital. He took their advice to follow up with a psychiatrist seriously, and was diagnosed with ADHD. It explains so much about how he was when we were together. A little later on, he was also diagnosed with autism. I don't speak to my ex because it's too painful for both of us, but my mom is still close to his mom and has given me some updates. He's taking medication that's really helped his ADHD, and was able to go to trade school. He has a much better job now and has been in a steady relationship. I wish him all of the best. I look back on my old posts and all I can do is shake my head. I was putting up with so much I would never put up with now. I also though I was so grown up because I was 24 and married, but clearly I still had maturing to do. Part of me feels sad for my ex too, because he was struggling for so long and I was writing him off as unhelpful. However, even though he had a medical reason for being inconsiderate I still had to do what's best for me, and I was at my breaking point. Considering his success, I think we're better off without each other. Oh, and I still talk to my ex's friend the cobra breeder from time to time. Bucatini the Burmese python is still doing great in his new home. tl;dr: I decided to finally leave after my ex was no help when I got pregnant with cancer. We're both doing great after the divorce and splitting up was the best thing for both of us. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/scaredofasnake My (24 F) husband (26 M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. TRIGGER WARNING: Animal abuse. Neglect. Animal trafficking. Manipulation. Original Post May 7, 2015 Maybe this would be more appropriate on /r/snakes, but this problem is less about the python itself and more about my relationship with my husband, so personally I don't think so. Six months ago, our corn snake unexpectedly died. My husband and I were both very upset; he was a cute little guy and still very young. My husband has owned several small reptiles during his lifetime, and he told me he was thinking of trying a milk snake this time instead of a corn or a garter. Instead, two months after our corn died he came home with a baby Burmese python. Apparently it's always been his dream to own a Burmese. Not only am I pissed that he got something like that without consulting me (on the upside, where we live they are legal) but I had several reservations that have only grown since we've owned it. -I have GAD and that thing triggers my anxiety like no other. When I was doing research about Burmese pythons I kept reading stories about them killing pets, children, and even their owners. So now I'm freaked out and have barely slept for four months. This is made worse by the fact that my husband has no experience with large snakes and the larger the python grows, the more it shows, and also by us having a cat. The other snakes we've had (our corn snake, and my husband's old garter snake) posed no threat but now I constantly worry that the python is going to get out and eat her. I've taken to locking the cat in our bedroom at night, which interferes with our sleep since she meows and scratches at the door, and I constantly worry about her when she's home alone. -I'll reiterate, this thing is fucking huge. He is already 6 feet long. -I'm home more than my husband so I have to feed it and change its substrates often. I hate doing both. So much. Especially now that he's graduated to eating rabbits and pigs. I honestly think that since my husband bought him without consulting me that caring for it should be his sole job, but I'm not going to let it go hungry or live in its own waste out of pride. -I honestly don't think we'll be able to give this snake the best quality of life, which I think is essential for all pets. He's getting too big for the tank he's in, which is his third since we've gotten him, and I don't think we have the room in our house for the enclosure my husband wants to build him. His food is very expensive and eating into our savings, but it's what he needs, so we can't downgrade. The python does not deserve to live in a tiny space and eat inadequate food because my husband wanted one as a kid. At the same time it's a good possibility it could eat us out of house and home. -I don't want kids while we own a python and these things can live up to 20 years. I don't want to never have children, which I've dreamed of, because of a python. Because of all these reasons, but especially the ones about our cat and its quality of life, I think we should rehome the python, preferably to a wildlife sanctuary or something. I've gently brought all of this up to my husband-how much mental anguish it causes me, how worried I am for our cat, how the snake is unsustainable-and all he's done is tell me to get over it, accuse me of not caring about his happiness, and tell me I'm being prejudiced against animals that aren't cute and cuddly. None of this is true, not even the last accusation, I liked his smaller snakes a lot. How can I communicate productively with my husband about this issue? He already loves this snake and I think that's getting in the way of him seeing reason. Edit: Fucked up the title. My husband is male. Edit 2: For the snake people-I acknowledge now that our husbandry is probably wrong (proving my point even more!) Also I have been informed that the snake probably wasn't a baby if it's at this size now so take that into an account. I am not the most knowledgeable about snakes. tl;dr: My husband adopted a Burmese python without consulting me. For a variety of reasons, most of all that I worry that it could kill us and the cat, that we don't have enough experience with large reptiles, and that its conditions are too expensive, I think we should rehome it. My husband thinks this means I hate snakes and is offended I want to rehome the python. I need advice on how to communicate with him in a way that will make him see my perspective. RELEVANT COMMENTS/ADDITIONAL INFO OOP on her husband's rebuttals to her arguments Here they were: -as far as worrying about the python getting out and killing the cat/future kids/us: "I won't let it get out. You need to go on new anxiety medication." Never mind the fact that both the corn and the garter escaped from their tanks. -"Well, what are you going to do? Let it starve just because you don't like it? That's cruel." -He says that we have room for the enclosure and that we'll find money to keep buying it food. -He says I'm ridiculous to not want babies while we have a python and says everything will be fine. I don't find any of his rebuttals particularly compelling because they're just "No that won't happen" to a concern of mine without explaining WHY it won't happen. Update 1 May 14, 2015 First of all, I have to say thank you for the outpouring of support I got, especially from the reptile enthusiasts who happened to be browsing this sub. You guys are awesome! Now, I just want to say at the beginning so what everyone wants to hear is heard: the snake is gone and my cat is all right! Here's how it happened. Thursday night while I was replying to people in my post several people suggesting talking to my husband's friend, who owns Burmese pythons, is an experienced reptile keeper, and could be a huge help. I was too blinded by the situation/my own anxiety to even think of that. I messaged him on Facebook Thursday night and told him the situation. He was shocked at just how bad things were, but apparently he tried to warn my husband that owning small snakes and then jumping to a Burm is like thinking owning housecats makes you qualified to own a tiger, but my husband didn't listen. He's been busy going to reptile shows (dude breeds venomous cobras-he's kind of a badass) so he only saw the snake in person once when we just got it and was immediately disturbed when I told him about the overfeeding, my husband's desire to start it on live food, and the fact that it free roams and is handed alone. He told me he'd come over the next day (Friday) and give my husband a real talking to, as well as do anything he could to help us rehome it. I decided I couldn't live another day in the house like that and neither could my cat, so Friday morning I moved out to my mother's while my husband was at work. It was a bit sneaky, but I knew that if I tried to leave while he was home he'd try to convince me to stay. I called him on his lunch break though and told him I'd left until the snake was gone. He was very upset, but started accusing me of being so petty as to let a snake wreck our marriage. I had nothing productive to say to that so I told him I'd talk to him later. Well, my husband's friend was so angry at what he saw of the snake that when he got to the house when my husband was home from work he gave him the tongue lashing of his life, and told him in plain terms that now that he saw how woefully inadequate we were as big snake keepers there was NO WAY he was going to let the snake stay at our house. Being yelled at really affected him, when my husband drove over to my mother's to talk to me he looked like a kicked puppy. He broke down and told me that he loved me, that he was sorry for the hell he'd put me through, and that it'd taken having reason yelled to him by an expert for him to really see what was going on and that he understood now that the snake could no longer live with us. I know that at that point that the sorrow he felt was due to having his snake taken away, not of real understanding, not yet. So don't worry, he's not completely off the hook. It was cathartic to hear though. His friend contacted a herpetology society he works with regularly and then, a member of that society whose specialty is rehabilitating snakes that irresponsible pet owners get and then mistreat on his ranch. So snake went yesterday to this guy's ranch, where he'll be fed the right food (and go on a diet, apparently!) and live in a space big enough for him. My husband and I have talked a lot about this and he acknowledged that his fervent desire to fulfill his childhood dream made him careless and selfish: that he wasn't trying to be malicious towards me, but he just wanted the snake so badly he'd do and say anything to keep it. It still seems like, though, that he hasn't learned, which I'm not expecting this early but is still a mite disappointing. He talked yesterday about getting a ball python and I put my foot down. I don't think we should get another snake for a long time. On Sunday I sat him down and asked him to tell me the truth of how he got the python, because walking into a pet shop for a milk snake and just finding a Burmese was sounding more and more implausible the more I thought about it. He admitted that he arranged to get one with a breeder online while he was telling me he wanted a little snake, meaning he was actively lying to me. This breeder is also a state away, meaning my husband participated in something illegal when he met up with him to get it, since transporting Burmese pythons across state lines is against the Lacy Act. I'm very angry about this. I'm upset about his lies, and I'm upset that he blew me off for months. He admitted he lied just because he knew I'd say no, which shows such an immaturity that almost disgusts me. I'm upset that he broke the law. I'm upset that he only listened to what I told him when it came from someone else. Apparently he's been having a quarter life crisis that he didn't tell me about, because he feels that he should have accomplished more with his life at 26 (he never went to college). I feel sympathy for him with that. But that's no excuse to treat me badly. I moved back home with kitty last night, but our marriage is in severe jeopardy right now due to the lying and the lack of respect my husband has shown me. But I made vows to stick with him and I don't take those lightly. We're going to be getting counseling, which I hope will make him really see what was wrong with what he did, rather than a knee jerk response to "being in trouble", so to speak, and will strengthen us. If not . . . well, I'll have to consider my options. PS: People were saying in the other post that we were actually feeding the snake guinea pigs and that I was lying to make the snake look bad. Well, I was fudging the truth, but not the way. We were feeding it dead pigLETS. My husband's cousin owns a working ranch with several pigs, and my husband was buying them from him for a pretty penny. I didn't want to say because I thought people would focus on the snake eating baby animals and start calling for its blood instead of offering me advice. tl;dr: I went to my mother's with my cat and my husband's reptile keeper friend caused him to see reason. The snake is gone, and I'm back with my very happy and healthy kitty. However, our marriage was severely hurt by this whole thing, and we're going to be getting counseling. Update 2 June 13, 2015 Hi, I'm back. The snake is still gone, but I guess I'm coming back out of desperation. People messaged me wanting to know how I was doing anyway. On the surface, therapy has been going well. My husband has been doing everything right. He's been contrite, open minded, and treats me like a princess at all times. I can tell at home that he's making a conscious effort to listen to my opinions and thoughts, and incorporate our therapist's suggestions into our lives. I feel like the hugest bitch saying this, but I don't think it's enough. Over these past weeks I've had to come to terms with the fact that something about how I view my husband has fundamentally changed. And finally, after extensive soul searching a few days ago, I realized what it was: I have no respect for his intelligence anymore, after all this. That is very, very important to me, and now it's just gone and I don't know how it can come back without him getting a personality overhaul. It's killed my physical attraction to him. I normally have a high libido and prior to all this we made love 4 to 5 times a week. Now, since all this went down we've been intimate 3 times. To be fair, while snake was here we were down to 2 to 3 times a week, but it was still more frequent than this. Despite all the changes he's making he's still himself and I don't think I can like who I know him to be now. He's still his goofy, absentminded self who needs me to balance the checkbook and pack his lunch. I can't respect that anymore, I don't want to be his mom or a naggy sitcom wife. I used to love doing these things for him; throughout our relationship I've taken care of him, patched him up, and helped him solve his problems. I always saw it as the ultimate expression of love. Now I'm just sick of it. He can tell something's still wrong; he's irritated about my lack of forgiveness and lack of a sex drive lately when he's objectively doing all the right things. But his lack of understanding towards my apprehension makes my feelings even more pronounced. I realized the other day that I love him dearly as a friend-I've known him since I was 9 years old-but no longer as a husband. That devastates me. I can't believe I'm thinking divorce after less than a year of marriage. I feel like such a failure. I haven't broached these feelings in therapy yet, because they crystallized only a few days ago. But I don't know how to start because I know saying them will mean my marriage will be over. I have talked to my mom and friends about this, and they all tell me to wait longer, to stick it out, because I made vows. But I feel like I found out something fundamental about my husband that I wish I never had, and that nothing can be the same now. tl;dr: I think I'm going to have to divorce my husband and it's killing me inside THIS IS A REPOST - SUB I AM NOT THE OOP submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

First | Prev | Next Patreon | Kalsim's Sentence | Series wiki | Official subreddit | Discord --- Memory transcription subject: Captain Sovlin, United Nations Fleet Command Date [standardized human time]: January 16, 2137 With multiple crews having touched down at the Galactic Archives, we split up into teams. Tyler presented us with one hour to accrue the most essential data, and reconvene at the submarine to transport the intel elsewhere. In case anything went wrong, getting any information about “key species” off-world was critical. Venlil, Zurulians, Arxur, Yotul, and Krakotl were considered the top five; thankfully, my commander also honored my personal request to investigate the Gojids. Officer Cardona decided to accompany Onso to the Yotul room, while also keeping watch over Farsul prisoners such as Veiq. Carlos wound up leading our small posse, roping a timid archivist into showing us the way. Hunter had acquired suitable attire from the submarine, and loped after us. If someone told me a day ago that I’d turn my back on a primitive predator, with a name that fit how I imagined their nomenclature, I would’ve laughed. However, my concerns about the ancient Terran had all but evaporated. I have bigger issues on my plate, with what I’m about to seek out. This could destroy the little that’s left of my heritage. To say I was terrified of the Gojids’ true history was an understatement. Depending on the degree of atrocities I uncovered, what was best for my species might be to bury it once and for all. Certain unsavory elements shouldn’t come back, no matter how egregious the Federation’s removal methods were. How would the rest of the galaxy perceive us, and our refugees, if we were at all similar to the Terrans’ past? Shadows moved behind me, and I felt slight pressure on my spine. A yelp came from Hunter, who nursed his now-bleeding pointer finger; the primitive human had decided, without warning, to poke the end of a bristle. He brought it upon himself, touching a sharp object for no reason. Maybe Onso wasn’t so bad, compared to other creatures below a certain technological level. “What compelled you to do that?” I spat. Hunter shrugged. “Curiosity killed the cat. Only one way to find out how sharp it really is, you know? Say, why do you just have spikes on part of your back? It’s like there are blotches without it.” “Well, let’s say they got lined up by a machine gun, and were ripped out of my spine by a stream of bullets. It hurt, it really hurt. They can’t regrow either because I’m fucking old, so Sam calls me Baldy to rub it in my face. Does that answer your question?” “Ouch. Yeah, man.” Carlos risked a curious glance back. “What year was it for you? You sound like you’re from the States.” “1966. American, born and raised.” “I used to wonder why aliens would target you crazy Yanks, in all the UFO tales,” Sam quipped. “Maybe they were drawn to you because of your media presence. Figured you represented us all; you act like you do.” “Australian accent?” “That it is. Now’s your chance for the kangaroo jokes. Never heard those before.” “Actually, I wanted to ask about the glass rectangles you all have on your belts. Are those 22nd century TVs?” I barely kept my disdain to myself, instead focusing on Carlos. The male guard was holding a Farsul prisoner at gunpoint; we’d entered a new hallway in search of the Gojid room. Again, I remarked internally how Onso was versed enough in technology to regurgitate a textbook, at least. He never questioned what basic things were, or showed such an obvious lack of knowledge. Hunter clearly knew very little about any technology. “No, people still like their television sets large and mounted.” Samantha unclipped her holopad, unlocking it with facial ID. “This is a holopad…it actually can facilitate watching TV shows, though. Mostly, it’s used to access the internet and talk instantaneously with friends. You had phones in your time, right?” Hunter huffed in indignation. “Phones existed since the 1800s! You’re telling me, that little thing…can call people?” “With video streams, or send them written messages. The screens being 3D are a nice touch.” “Okay. Streams like a river…is the video water-powered? And, uh, what’s the internet?” Does he even know what a computer is? That’s going to be difficult to explain. I attempted to withhold a derisive tone. “Streams are a live video feed. Does the word ‘computer’ mean anything to you? We should start there.” “Yes, but that can’t be a proper computer. They take up entire rooms. Your ‘holopad’ could fit in a pocket. There’s no way that could have the necessary power, and you’re not even chilling the mechanisms!” Hunter exclaimed. “We can pack enormous processing power into tiny chips, and perform functions more complex than you can imagine,” Carlos explained. “The internet is a way that computers communicate, all the way across the globe…and now, the galaxy. It’s basically a web for housing forums and information, and by now, it encompasses the collective knowledge of mankind.” Samantha hummed in appreciation. “It is remarkable, really. You can ask a question, and a program scours that entire archive. Millions of results on any topic you can dream of—science, history, celebrities, entertainment—at your fingertips in seconds.” “Wow! I can’t even understand how humans could build something like that. Research must be so easy for you. We had to scour books to find a single source, and you have millions of encyclopedias thrown into your lap. You have no idea how good you have it, do you?” “Humans have come a long way from being primitive,” I acknowledged. Carlos curled his fist, and started to round on me; that was before noticing that the Farsul had finished guiding us to the Gojid chamber. My spines bristled, sensing a grave threat in the information housed here. Grappling with the undisguised truth of our omnivory, and possibly seeing my own kind feast on flesh; I wasn’t ready for concrete evidence. The knowledge of my ancestry had almost sapped my will to live the first time, even with my unpaid debt to Earth. I felt disgusting, just dwelling on the loathsome facts. My human companions weren’t as hesitant as me, skulking into the room. They barked orders, using their guns as motivators; Gojids were mixed in with the native staff, and part of me wondered if these were from the cradle’s primitive era. However, the fact that some called out “United Nations” suggested they were active conspirators, not captives. I tailed my comrades, sweeping my gun around the room for any threats. Hunter tiptoed after me, apprehensive about our locale. Samantha took the privilege of coercing the staff to lie on the ground. Flexing a tattooed arm in menacing fashion, Carlos ordered the Farsul archivist who guided us here to unlock the mainframe. The conspiracy employee trudged forward, and leaned over a sensor for a retinal scan. Too soon for my liking, we had access to the grand collection; everything documented at Gojidkind was at my claws. Hunter fell in by my side, and arched a quizzical eyebrow. He didn’t understand why I was keeping away from the console, like it burned to the touch. “Tyler said we have one hour to gather intel, but take your time,” Sam hissed. I drew a deep breath, and hovered my claw over a series of folders. Carlos procured a drive, starting to download any files he could find. Should I have prevented the human from transcribing this info, at least until I reviewed the contents myself? Nerves hindered my breathing, as conscious thoughts diminished. My mind was in a trance, but I managed to pull up a piece labeled ‘Overview’, on screen. “Welcome, archivists of the future, and congratulations on your promotions!” A Farsul voiceover thundered over the video feed, and I flinched at the volume. “This video will be a brief synopsis of species 92-A, who go by the name ‘Gojid.’ Millions of hours of pre-contact footage are available, to be sorted over the years by your diligent paws. I’ve compiled examples of the key aspects of their culture, and a conclusive analysis of their successful conversion.” Hunter tilted his head, watching footage of prehistoric Gojids rigging a sailboat. The video scrolled through a series of clay houses, and sprawling orchards that didn’t look much different from the modern day. An overhead image of a village, with limited electric lights, completed the narrative. It slowly faded to black, void of narration, and switched to primitive cave artwork of workers tilling fields. “The Gojids call their homeworld the cradle, a name that stems from a local deity: the Great Protector. As their creation myth goes, all of nature was crafted to be the perfect home for their species,” the Farsul declared on the recording. “The land provides, and She heeds their cries against threats by famine or beast. This has been their predominant religion since the advent of agriculture. Farming doctrine and the faith were spread alongside each other, with the locals claiming the Protector taught them how plants grew.” Surveillance video showed Gojids sorting through a forest, and gathering up anything they could find. The camera lens zeroed in on half-eaten carcasses, which were thrown onto a cart by the primitives. These filthy members of my kind stopped short of a clearing, ducking into bushes. Splotchy, lean predators with massive fangs were stalking a grazing species, and downing as many of the prey as they could. The Gojids are hiding because they saw the predators. That’s prey behavior, right? A gunshot rang out, and the Gojids burst from the foliage with reckless abandon. One splotchy predator snarled in pain, as a bullet bore into its haunches. The primitive sapients were stretching their arms out to appear larger, and waving their claws around. To my bewilderment, the hunting animals dashed off without their prey; my people drove predators away from a catch, with aggression. The Gojids congratulated themselves, before collecting the kills. The recording proceeded with an explanation. “Gojids are a scavenger species. They allow predators to do the dirty work, then swoop in to obtain the carcasses. Flesh is not a staple of their diet, but rather a pricey treat for occasional consumption. What you just witnessed is a family of market vendors, scrounging for cuts to sell to the upper class. With this being an accepted cultural item, one of status even, it’s apparent to us that a cure is needed. The government, locally-elected settlement councils, even send out foraging parties during times of hardship; it’s endorsed as a method of survival by their very leaders.” The footage transitioned to grainy images of starships landing, and stories plastered in prehistoric newspapers. CREATURES FROM ANOTHER WORLD — THEY COME BEARING GIFTS, the headline read. The front page image showed a priest of the Great Protector in conversation with a Kolshian. I managed to read a bit about a new future for Gojidkind, before the feed cut to pro-exterminator pamphlets. My emotions were in turmoil, after seeing my kind scooping up predator food on film. Could I argue that the Farsul’s gift of the cure wasn’t a blessing? Was it that wrong to initiate a proper beliefs system? “Their temperament toward aliens proved non-hostile. Formal reeducation seemed too extreme. With how invested Gojids were in ‘nature’, convincing them to adopt exterminators…they weren’t amenable to the concept. They laughed off our teachings, and spurned our ways. Conversion would go on to require decades of gradual effort. Had the Gojids been introduced to the wider galaxy in a hurry, it would’ve been disastrous. But with the technology we gave them, how could they not come to love us? That was how we got our paws in the door, and it also let us slip our ideas into the public domain. We mixed the cure with life-saving medicines, and spread the rumor that it was a judgment from the Protector.” Clips of Farsul transporting our priests to remote wilderness, and beginning excavations, played on the main screen. The time-lapse showed days of work, condensed into a span of minutes. Hunter and Samantha both were enamored with the landscape, between the jagged fronds on the trees and the sunset-orange sands. I was more focused on the tablets the archaeologists were digging up, and passing to Gojid observers for examination. Those were the Protector’s Stones; they were preserved in our planetary museum, and cited as its oldest texts. “Of course, the Priesthood insisted that all of nature was created by their deity for a higher purpose. But after discovering the texts we planted, they did our work for us. Predators were cursed by bloodlust, tarnishing the Protector’s creation; they existed to threaten and kill. Her words! Gojids, the chosen, would be punished if they continued down the predator path…why else would they suddenly be dying from meat consumption? Within decades, we’d wiped all recollection of their scavenger past.” I had already grown accustomed to the idea that our religion was falsified by the Federation. Fortunately, I’d never been an adherent of the faith, so it didn’t affect me. What was alarming was how easy it’d been for them to convince our entire planet those tablets were legitimate findings. History could be rewritten at their whims, and nobody would remember that it had once been different. Was this distortion of our primary faith necessary? All things considered, the summative montage hadn’t been as horrific as I imagined, with a single incident captured of carcass collection; perhaps I could pass it off as a single tribe, and clear our name. The final pieces of the video were of Gojids at Federation summits, and patrolling on starships. I reminded myself that these clips were from before the Arxur’s discovery, to our knowledge. The military fixtures on the bridge seemed odd, and left me wondering if our aggression was that severe as to build war vessels. Why would we need a military? For the exterminators to clear colonies, or for violent purposes? “The Gojids had become model Federation members; they completed a slow, but smooth transition. Their malleability allowed us to fine-tune their temperament. We worked to elicit fleeing responses to predatory stimuli, of course. But their natural ability to tackle threats and protect their fields from harm made them the ideal military species, in a defensive capacity.” I paused the video. “What?! They chose for us to become a powerful species, despite being omnivores? I knew they used the Krakotl, but we’re not that aggressive!” “They co-opted your religion, poisoned you through doctors, and that’s what you focus on?” Hunter grumbled. “I don’t understand any of what I woke up to, but my head hurts.” Samantha wagged a finger. “What’s with the chitchat? Finish the video, so we can pack it up. There’s only a few seconds left in this prick’s monologue, thank heavens.” I played the Farsul’s endnote, at the human’s request. “Due to the Gojids’ location, it’s in the Federation’s interest to encourage their military growth. They could act as a safeguard, to keep Species 45-G in line, should those nightmares ever find their roots. Having a compliant asset mitigates risk of such aggression spilling over our borders unchecked. Thus, I’m grateful they’re stuck being 45-G’s neighbors. I expect Gojids to necessitate little correction, and to fulfill a stabilizing role…perhaps even pacifying the region.” Carlos and Samantha looked mystified by the mention of “Species 45-G.” I was befuddled too, until I pondered the short list of Gojid neighbors. The Venlil were the weakest race in the galaxy, so it was obviously not them; the Zurulians specialized in healing, which wasn’t an aggressive practice. The Dossur couldn’t attack a cotton ball with their size. That led to the apparent answer: the Farsul must have discovered humanity before Hunter’s time—before they’d even discovered the Gojids. Why wasn’t that documented in the Terran chamber? Why hadn’t cure research begun sooner? “That’s certainly interesting.” Samantha, having not stumbled upon the only possible answer, waved her gun in the Farsul prisoners’ faces. “Who is Species 45-G? Are they dead?” “Sorry, but I can’t tell you,” a staffer croaked. I chewed at my claws. “Is it humans?” “No. That video is from before the Arxur were discovered, let alone the Terrans. Use some modicum of logic.” “Give us a straight answer, right now! We don’t have time for your games! Who is it?” Samantha roared. “We’ll find out eventually, with or without you in one piece.” Carlos raised a placating hand. “It can’t be worse than what you’ve done to humans. A little late to start hiding things, don’t you think? Just give us a name to put with this 45-G designation.” Without our history haunting me, I could focus on helping the United Nations pick apart other findings. I checked the progress of the humans’ data download, which showed as almost complete. Perhaps the last note could be used to make the Gojids respectable again. This mystery species must be one the Federation wiped out, which suggested Earth wasn’t the first planet they were willing to genocide. It seemed likely nobody had heard of 45-G, so we’d have to locate their extinct homeworld. Pushing the focus onto the truly dangerous species might be good. It offers an unknown threat, and the Farsul complimented our civility by comparison. The female predator bared her teeth. “Why aren’t you talking? Name. Spit it out! “Why don’t you ask about something else?” The Farsul staffer gulped, as Samantha fired a bullet right next to his ear. “THE VENLIL! It’s the Venlil.” Shock made my blood run cold, and the humans displayed equal surprise. Hunter showed no signs of disbelief, but he wasn’t familiar with the Venlil’s reputation. The Farsul must be fibbing with his answer, though it was bold to provide an obvious false response at gunpoint. Perhaps it was worth it to investigate what other Terran soldiers found in their greatest ally’s archive chamber. --- First | Prev | Next Patreon | Kalsim's Sentence | Series wiki | Official subreddit | Discord submitted by /u/SpacePaladin15 to r/HFY [link] [comments]

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Throwawayadoptedgirl and shared with permission. Fun Fact for Mobile Spoilers: In Scottish and Pictish myths, purple heather gets its color from blood spilled in battle while white heather grows where no blood was shed. Other myths say the rarer white heather plant grows over the final resting place of faeries. Heather also features in the Scottish legend of Oscar and Malvina: Oscar, killed in battle the day before their wedding, requests a sprig of purple heather taken to his betrothed Malvina whose tears turned the purple blossoms white. ​ Estimated Reading Time: ~11 minutes trigger warnings: infidelity, abandonment, medical crises mood spoilers: hopeful My (19F) biological father’s (45m) wife (40F) said she wants me to “leave them alone”. - 31 July 2021 Okay, this is gonna be kinda long because the amount of drama leading up to this is ridiculous. Usually I’d just summarize, but the context is important. I’m gonna change names and specific locations cause I don’t want to get tracked down and found out and stuff. BACKSTORY: It all started a few months before I was even conceived. My biological mother, let's call her Chloe, was engaged to a man who we will call Karl. So Chloe was working at a Walmart while engaged to Karl, and decided to cheat on him with her boss, who we’ll call Harold. So Harold had no idea Chloe was engaged until they had been dating for a while. Things are going well between them until one day Harold catches Chloe on a date with his best friend. This leads to a big fight where Chloe hits Harold and he has to lock her out of the house to protect himself. She calls the police on him, and due to the crappy domestic dispute laws in their state, they BOTH spend the night in jail. Somehow Harold is blamed for the incident and is ordered to take 2 years of anger management, and decides to never speak to Chloe again. A few weeks later Harold gets a text from one of his friends, telling him that Chloe is pregnant and that Harold is the father. He immediately calls bullshit, because Chloe is not only engaged to another man who is probably the father, but was also being intimate with MANY other men. So he brushes it off and forgets about it. A couple months pass, and Harold gets a call from an adoption agency saying that they need to talk to him. Chloe has decided to give the baby (hey! That’s me!) up for adoption, and Harold needs to sign some papers since she put him down as the father. He agrees to sit down with someone from the agency, but only to talk to them about the claims. So he meets a representative and tells them that he doesn’t think he’s the father. The guy from the agency goes “Oh, great! Just sign here then!”, and hands Harold the documents to surrender his rights as a father. Harold signs them and doesn’t hear anything from them again. Meanwhile with Chloe, she has the baby (with her fiancé in the room, which gives me infinite respect for him), and the baby is adopted 3 days later. Unfortunately, the baby (who is me) was born with a slew of genetic illnesses. I end up in the hospital only 20 days later because my kidney was collapsing in on itself. To save time, let’s just say that growing up I spent a disgusting amount of time in the hospital. My health was in a perpetual downward spiral, and every time we found a solution to one problem, a new one would pop up and wreak havoc on my tiny body. It all came to a head one day when I was 13, when I was in so much pain that my doctors thought I was having a heart attack. I wasn’t, but hadn’t been diagnosed yet, so they had no clue. So after being told by my doctors in the hospital that I had a heart attack, my adopted dad, who we’ll call Markus, freaked out and finally reached out to Harold for the first time. He asked for his medical records so that they could better assess the situation and decide what to do. Here is where the problems started. THE FIRST INCIDENT: So while I was busy being cripplingly ill, Harold had forgotten all about me and started a new life with a woman he met a month after my birth, let’s call her Heather because she reminds me of Heather Duke. They had 2 sons at the time, and Harold hadn’t told Heather anything about maybe having another kid. TO CLARIFY I WASN’T THERE FOR THIS PART SO I AM ONLY TELLING WHAT I HAVE BEEN TOLD HAPPENED. So Heather finds the email that my dad sent to Harold and absolutely loses her mind. She thinks he cheated on her or something, and blocks my dad on Facebook and starts messaging Chloe on Facebook. Now this is where the story gets a little tricky. I have been told 2 different versions of this event and honestly I’m not 100% sure which one is true, so I’ll just tell both. Chloe’s version: Heather started sending mass amounts of hate and harassment to Chloe, basically telling her to step off and “get away from her man”. Heather insisted that Harold wasn’t the father, and Chloe was lying. By this point in time Chloe was already married and had 2 daughters that she kept (one who belonged to her old fiancé, and one who belonged to her current husband). She had also built a relationship with me! She read me some of the messages that Heather sent during a weekend I was spending with her and my half sister almost 4 years later. She said, I quote, “Her grammar was atrocious, but I didn’t think correcting it was the right way to go.” Heather’s version: Heather reached out to Chloe to talk to her about the situation and what she wanted them to do. Chloe snapped at her and said there was no way that my parents would put me through a paternity test. Because Chloe said that, they decided not to pursue the test. After these communications all contact was lost and my dad lost Harold’s cellphone number. The whole interaction ended with no paternity test, and no medical records. RECENT EVENTS: Okay now that that’s out of the way, here is what has happened in the last month. So my health has progressively gotten worse and, and I now have to apply for disability if I want to pay for my ungodly amount of medications. The lawyer I hired said that having a full family medical history might be helpful. So I asked my super smart friend to track Harold down so I could contact him. Long story short, I got his number and I left him a voicemail that was basically me just begging him to help me saying I was sorry for intruding on his life and begging for him not yell at me. He called back after like 20 minutes, and to my extreme surprise he was happy to hear from me! He said that not contacting me was one of the biggest regrets of his life. We cried together on the phone, and I told him about the genetic disorders I have and how I was worried for his kids. He assured me that they were healthy, and I cried cause I was relieved. We talked throughout the week until eventually he had to fly home from his business trip, and tell his wife what was going on. Needless to say, it did not go well. Heather was pissed and demanded that we limit contact until the results of the paternity test came in. Unfortunately for her, it came back positive and confirmed that I am his daughter. Here is where the story gets sticky again, because I have been told 2 different versions of what happened during the last week. Harold’s version: Harold and Heather got in a big fight and she made him tell her sons what he did. Maybe it was meant to humiliate him, but if so it backfired because his sons were so excited to have a sister! One of them compared me to Shazam, I think. Harold left to go on another trip for work, and he and Heather fought right before he left for the airport. He called me while he drove there and told me all of this, and said that he didn’t want to lose contact with me again. I was so happy he still wanted me around but I was sad that I screwed up his family. He told me it wasn’t my fault but I still felt bad. I got Heather’s version of events much later, at 11 pm when I was trying to eat my ramen. She messaged me on Facebook and claimed that THIS is what really happened. Heather’s version: Harold was unhappy about the test and said that I was “too much too fast” but wouldn’t tell me that because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. They told their sons and they weren’t happy about it either. She told me that Harold hardly has time for his kids, and I was “forcing your way in”. Now I am a very sensitive person and have a habit of breaking down over the smallest things because of other stuff that’s happened in my past (but that’s not relevant right now) which is why I’m very proud of how I handled this. I texted Harold and told him that his wife had contacted me, and within seconds he had called me and asked me to read what she had said. I read it to him and also read the apology I sent to her. He apologized on her behalf and asked if I was okay because I sounded like I was crying (which I was) but I didn’t want him to feel bad so I just told him I was fine, I was just tired. I asked him what I should do and he told me to just be myself. So I apologized to her again and again while she snapped at me and eventually she stopped. I got to go to bed. Things were quiet after that, and I tried not to message them because I didn’t want to get yelled at again. This morning I got diagnosed with severe scoliosis and yesterday with epilepsy, and since those are usually genetic I texted Harold and told him he might want to get his sons tested for it. Apparently this was a bad idea because Heather proceeds to message me and tell me to “stop texting them” and that I was “not helping their marriage”. I tried to explain that I was just trying to help, and asking her to please stop lashing out at me. She just texted back with “I’m not lashing out. We just want you to leave us alone.” I haven’t responded back because her message really hurt. I just shut down and fell asleep to cope. I apologized to Harold but he hasn’t replied to the text which is making me think that maybe they really do want me to leave them alone. I also know that Harold told me the exact opposite. My anxiety is having a field day and I have absolutely no idea what to do. My main goal in this situation is to preserve my relationship with Harold, and try to get Heather to like me. What do I do? TLDR: Biological dad’s wife doesn’t want me around at all and keeps telling me things that I know aren’t true because biological dad already told me the truth. Now she is claiming that they want me to leave them alone even though he told me he wanted to build a relationship. Help please! ​ UPDATE: My (19F) Biological father’s (45M) wife (40F) wants me to just “leave them alone” - 10 August 2021 Hello! Sorry this update has taken a while to come out, but I promise there is a good reason for it! My girlfriend drove down to visit me for a week and I was preoccupied spending time with her. I was really hoping that the news I have to share with you would change. So long story short, I took the advice I was given and muted Heather’s messages to me. The stuff she was saying to me has really gotten to me and at this point I’m not quite sure if I’m the bad guy. I called Harold and talked to him about the situation, and told him that I don’t think it is in my best interests to talk to his wife. This is where things took a bit of a sad turn. Harold agreed with his wife and said it would be best if I just left them alone for a while. I was stunned for a few moments because this is the opposite of what he had told me less than 24 hours earlier. That said, even if he had said something else beforehand, I know that I have to respect his decision. I told him that I would stop all contact, and when he is ready to talk again it will be on him to message me. That’s where the call ended and we haven’t spoken since. It sucks. I’m kinda hurt. I know I have no right to be hurt about it, but I still am. I’ve come to the decision that it’s not my job to make them like me. This was probably not going to end any other way. It’s painful but it’s the world we live in. I’m sorry I don’t have a happier ending to share, but I’d still like to thank you guys for the amount of support and loving messages I received on my first post. I don’t think I could have endured this without you guys, and the validation you provided me. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to send such kind messages and helpful advice. I appreciate each and every one of you, and am sending virtual hugs! TLDR: Harold’s wife got to him and there is no more contact. She won and I am leaving them alone. EDIT: Yooo!! I got on one of the Reddit YouTube videos! Apparently everyone on YouTube either thinks the story is fake, or that Heather’s sons don’t belong to Harold. ALSO, I still haven’t heard anything from Harold. I’m starting to think that something is either very wrong, or they genuinely don’t want me around. I’ve stuck to my guns though, and I’m not contacting them. Edit 2, in October: Two things have happened! I needed to reach out to him because my cat got sick again and he works in pet insurance and care, and I asked him for advice on what insurance carrier to use. It was cordial and completely professional. No emotions and nothing other than business. It hurt to see him act so cold but thus is life. His wife, who my Dad (Markus) now refers to exclusively as “Heather”, updated her Facebook so that it says “Stay in your lane, Bitch”, directly under her name when you click on her profile. I feel grossed out that she’s acting like I’m some jealous lover who wants to “steal her man”. I’m his kid, not his affair partner. Also I’m going down to see my girlfriend this December!! She’s been the biggest help and support throughout this disaster. If I ever get a more significant update, I’ll ask the mods to let me post a part 3! I doubt I’ll get one though. I think this is where this saga ends. I have an adopted dad who loves me, and a biological mother who loves me. I think I can be content with that. :) ​ OP states in a separate post Bio Dad was told the severity of her medical situation in the initial request for medical records: You didn’t need to take any responsibility. That’s not what my dad wanted when he called you that day. I was 13, and having what was essentially a heart attack. All we wanted was your medical records so that we could make sure I didn’t have some scary heart condition that was killing me. And you knew that. He told you that. But you still ghosted my dad after your wife harassed my biological mother for a week. And guess what! I DO have a heart condition! And your records that I had to drag out of you years later would have proved that YEARS earlier! Who knows how different my life would be if I had gotten treatment back then. I can't say I don’t hate you, but I can’t say that I do either. Comment Thread circa August 2022 on how OP is doing now: OP: Yeah, it’s been a year and honestly I’m doing pretty good. I don’t need him in my life to be happy! I’ve had health updates since, and decided not to tell him. I do worry about his kids, but I am not going to sacrifice my own mental health for theirs. Reminder - I am not the original poster. submitted by /u/snarfblattinconcert to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

This is a NEW update to a previously posted story that began August10, '22, newest updates on Dec 15, '22, Jan 1, '23. Originally posted by u/Mano_Mama3510 in r/AmItheAsshole. OOP has indicated this will be the final update. If you don't need to read the first parts that have already been posted to BORU, I have marked the newer ones with 🔴🔴🔴's so you can skip to them. To avoid the coming TW if you want... Did you know, when you foster ONE animal for your local shelter, you are helping to save TWO lives?! Fostering that one fur baby frees up a cage/kennel for another animal (or more!) at the shelter, which means one more animal off the streets and meeting families to find their forever home! . Trigger warnings: child abuse, violence, domestic violence, mention of child sa, depression Original post August 10th Just bear with me for a moment. My (29f) nephew, Josh (12m), is quite spoilt. His parents, my brother and SIL show blatant favoritism towards him over his younger sister Lou(9f). As a result, sadly Josh has grown a little entitled. He also is quite mean to his younger sister because his parents never believe her when she tells him what he's done to her stuff. Now, I'm usually very strict and when the kids are with me for a weekend, Josh is usually on his best behavior. Now, Josh's birthday was yesterday. Lou had a spelling bee last week and she got first prize. Her parents brushed it off but I was very happy for her because she spent hours learning each word and I was very proud. So when I took the kids day before Josh's birthday so he could pick out a gift for his bday, I got Lou a stuffed animal as a 'you did great!'. Josh picked this game that he's been wanting. The birthday party was yesterday and when I went to their house, Lou had been grounded and was not allowed to attend and the two friends she had invited were also sent back home. I thought it was extreme and asked what she had done. Turns out that Josh and her argued over the tv remote and Josh went to her room and destroyed her stuffed animal that I gave her and told her she didn't deserve it. Lou screamed at him and my brother got angry with her 'temper tantrum' and had her pick up the pieces of the stuffed animal and throw them in the trash ALL THE WHILE SHE CRIED. She was then grounded. Btw, Josh's best friend was the one who spilled the beans to me and also told me that Josh goaded his parents into the punishment. I was furious and refused to give Josh his birthday present, telling him he didn't deserve it for being mean to his sister. I also told off my SIL and brother that they're growing insanely cruel towards their young daughter. Now my family is pissed that I refused to give Josh his birthday gift. SO, AITA TLDR; nephew picked on sister and I refused to give him his bday present ​ EDIT: I have picked up my niece from my brother's house this morning. I called him and told him if she's being so rude to her brother, then maybe she should stay with me a couple of days to clam down (had no other choice but to say this. had to get her out of there). I got her a massive teddy bear which she's keeping in my house and I took her out to get Mcdonalds so she's smiling. But I am looking for a more permanent solution 1st Update 6 days later It's been a hell of a week. First of all, I want to say thank you for all the kind comments and messages. I've read all of them. I only managed to respond to some because I was pretty overwhelmed over the whole thing. There was a lot going on as well. As you can tell from my other posts, I'm in the middle of switching careers, so I simply don't have the funds to support my niece. And by that, I mean no one is going to give me my niece to foster because my income is low. I'm a freelance romance writer and that doesn't really generate a lot of income. I say this because I did seek out advice from social services in my country and they just shook their head at me. But I'll get to that later. On to the actual update, I did end up taking my niece with me for a few days and I sat her down and talked to her once she was calm. There were a lot of things that were happening in that house that I was not aware of. My nephew bullies her and my brother thinks its funny when she cries. A few months ago, my niece had an accident and fractured her left arm. I was told she slipped down the stairs. She is clumsy so I thought that was that. Turned out her brother pushed her down the stairs as a prank and my brother laughed while she was screaming in pain. I verified the story from a neighbor who told me that she ended up taking her to hospital. Her father was apparently shouting at her to stop making a racket when she wouldn't stop screaming in pain. I lost it at that. I asked her if her mom knew. She said yes. Now, my childhood was pretty dark but not like this. I called my parents and asked them about this incident and a couple others and at first they hee-hawed, we don't know, blah, blah, and then my mom admitted she knew and that it was just kids being kids. I just saw red at that point. This whole week I've been gathering any bit of evidence I can find. Finally, I invited over my brother and his wife. I told them that if they didn't get their shit together, I was posting everything on social media. I was going to email it to their companies, friends, whatnot (thank you to whomever suggested this). At first my brother was furious and when he tried to attack me, I pointed towards the camera I have in my living room. I was so angry that I felt like I was numb. I knew that this would destroy my relationship with my entire family but they left a little girl screaming on the bottom of the stairs and my brother laughed. I can't get that image out of my head. I told them I could either call the social services in our country and get Lou taken from them, or they could give her to me. The problem with this threat is that if I went the social services route, I would lose Lou as well. I told them if they don't want a daughter, they can give her to me. They can pretend she never existed. I was just speaking very quickly at that point. I don't even remember what i said. I would take over her expenses, etc, except for her health insurance and school fees. I told them they would never have to look at her again. I just kept talking. ​ My SIL started crying of how I was taking her child from her. I admittedly got angry over that and reminded her she wanted to abort Lou when she was pregnant. I was legit angry crying at that moment. I wanted to hit them. My brother was just silent. He was actually considering it. ​ I told them it was better than having their dirty laundry aired in public because if it did, both kids would be removed from their house. It was blackmail but I had no options. ​ They said they'd think about it but Lou is with me for now. My SIL was pretty nasty about it too. in her words 'keep the little 'sl**'." All in my language ofc. I don't know how she can refer to her daughter like this but honestly i don't give a shit. My friend is a lawyer and he's told me to get a voice message from them that Lou is going to stay with me. My SIL said this over the voice note. ​ Lou hasn't mentioned going home. She doesn't talk about her parents. Yesterday, she and I went out and brought this lavender color paint and we painted my entire guestroom for her. I've decided to pick up more projects so that i can start saving for her. I did have some money set aside for a potential college fund for her. But I'll be picking up more work to save more and give her a comfortable life. ​ I did get calls from my parents, shouting at me. I closed the phone on them. the only person who is supportive is my cousin. He said that if social services do get involved, he can take Lou in and I can move closer to them or something. I don't know. ​ Lou is just quiet. She's happy sometimes and sometimes she's just quiet. I fear she suffered more abuse in that house than she's letting on. My lawyer friend recommended a child therapist so I've booked a session for Monday. It's been three days and no call from my brother and SIL. My parents call every now and then to yell at me but they yell at me either way so whatever. I feel like this might work because both brother and SIL saw the post I had written out as a draft with pictures and evidence. It was extreme enough that they would suffer damage at their jobs. And news channels in my country eat this shit up especially if it happens in an educated household. ​ I don't know. I know blackmail is wrong. But I don't know what to do. 2nd Update August 18th I have been bombarded by the most loving and sincere messages and comments and I know I can't get to all of them but I want to thank you fo reaching out. You guys have made me feel from being alone to having an entire community behind me and that is such a reassuring thought. To all those who offered to send Lou gifts and hep out with clothes etc, thank you so much. It's a very touching offer but I do want to let you know that my friends have been spoiling Lou, buying her gifts, taking her out. She's got at least ten stuffed animals alone including one massive life-sized one from me and one from my very sweet neighbor from across the hall. She loves cuddling them both and has named them Boo and Hoo. She thinks its funny as do I when she runs down the hall screaming 'Boo Hoo, lets play'/ And for those who offered to help me out with my career transition, those who sent me roadmaps and offered to tutor me themselves, or even share their learning accounts with me, God bless you! I will reach out to most of you guys if I run into hiccups but I just started crying when all of you kept reaching out. But I'm planning to do a tech degree from treehouse and do small courses and certifications alongside. But thank you all so much. I've not even gotten to all the messages yet. ​ About the Gofundme account I've been asked about, as much as I appreciate the offers, the thing is while I am not crazy rich, I do have some savings and will keep working to increase my income to give Lou a comfortable life. My friends have gathered around me and have given their kids clothes, toys, etc. I've not given Lou everything because I know things are changing for her right now and I want to take it slowly. ​ Also, my SIL's parents sent me some money yesterday and her mother visited this morning. She didn't say anything but she just stayed for an hour, asked Lou if she was happy and gave me some money. She said she would keep sending money. Lou's maternal grandfather didn't reach out but I suspect his wife might be fond of Lou. She's very sweet and non confrontational. Tbh I've never talked to her before, she's very quiet. But she asked if she could visit again, and I said, only if I was home. She was okay with that. Lou's parents haven't reached out but Josh called this afternoon, wanting to talk to Lou. It sounded like he had been crying. I felt bad and I told him he can visit on the weekends as he always done (like I said before, he is always well behaved here). Lou and he talked on the speaker phone for quite a while and he was telling her about the baby rabbits they have or something. I was just keeping an eye on Lou. Lou didn't seem upset when she closed the phone. She's at that age when you really want to get along with your sibling. I would really prefer if I can build a better relationship between the two. ​ That's all that happened so far. I just wanted to make this post to thank everyone who has and is still reaching out. And I guess I want to reassure you all that things are getting better. From the way, Lou's maternal grandmother was talking, I think she's confident Lou will be staying with me. And I did tell my parents off. I told them that if they want contact with their ONLY granddaughter, they should be grateful she's in a safe environment. I also added that they should be happy that Josh now has his parents full attention. My mom shut up at the first part which makes me suspect that they were aware of other things happening in that house. ​ Lastly, I talked to my lawyer who set up an urgent medical examination for Lou. I don't want to get into it but nothing happened to her of any sexual nature. She has bruises here and there which have not faded but aside from the fracture in her arm, there's nothing that suggests anything untoward happening. It's A HUGE relief but Lou was all shaken up by the examination so I took her to get icecream and let her watch two disney movies back to back. She has to go back to school from Monday so I think she'll be fine. September 1, '22 It's been a minute. Sorry for the sudden silence. My inbox has been overflowing and I haven't touched it in a while. Also sorry for the tiny heading which makes no sense. God, I'm tired. I wanted to give an update considering how many of you reached out and asked and offered help, advice and everything under the sun. All of which I'm very grateful for and probably why I'm writing this post. So, a lot has happened since my last post. I don't even know where to begin. Lou has been removed from my care. I guess I should start from this point. They took her away four days ago. Social services. She's with my cousin and she's called me crying, multiple times because she wants to come back. I wasn't allowed to accompany her because they think that I might be a danger to her (more on this later). I'm talking to another lawyer, a very good one. He reached out to me on reddit, actually, and it turns out he's a friend of a friend's and was able to deduce who i was from the posts. I was wrong when I thought my brother would back down. And I was an idiot for thinking he would give over Lou so calmly. I'm going to try and follow a timeline. The legal process is being handled but I'm upset and I guess this is a rant post and a self pity one or something.. Because I can;t stop crying. 5 days ago - I was home with Lou. She was watching a movie and I was working when the power cut off. We have scheduled hours here when the light is shut off but that wasn't in the schedule. I wasn't worried too much. My laptop was charged and I let her watch the movie on my laptop. I didn't really realize at that point that without the electricity my security cameras don't work. Long and tedious story short, my brother had turned off the breaker. He broke in. I shoved Lou into my room and made her lock the door. He beat me up. I think he would have killed me if my neighbors hadn't heard the commotion. Her father was home and he barged over (my door was open). He got my brother off of me and my neighbor (his daughter) called the police. This is where things got messy. I was bleeding. My face is still bruised and I can't put my weight on my left leg. My brother claimed that I had kidnapped Lou and was sexually abusing her and Josh and he was here to get her back. I had evidence that they had given Lou over willingly and when it came to abuse allegations, it was Lou's word against her brother and parents. Yes, apparently Josh parroted those words. The two policemen who showed up seemed suspicious when Lou kept clinging to me, refusing to go. I don't know how I was functioning in that moment but I managed to call my lawyer who dealt with most of it. I had to be taken to the hospital. It looks bad but I'm fine-ish. To all those who kept telling me to record conversations etc, thank you. His allegations and my SIL's words about Lou made a weak case. But it was enough for social services to get involved. They removed both Josh and Lou because I started talking. I had evidence, loads of it and I shoved it down their throats. I was still in my apartment at that point. I hadn't left for the hospital. I couldn't. Lou was crying. My lawyer was on his way. If I had gone I was scared they give Lou to my brother. (also when I say social services, its basically an equivalent of some child care organization generally. We don't have social services per say but this is a govt agency) I filed charges against my brother and the SS person was supposed to come day after but I had to go to the hospital. The police accompanied me and let me keep Lou by my side. I don't have any brown bones so I was discharged the next afternoon. I would like to point out that my parents visited and tried to take Lou with them but the policeman who was with me wouldn't let them. I was also protesting. I have to skip stuff here because I'm mentally drained right now. But the gist is that 4 days ago, I got a visit from this lady from SS who said that because of the allegations, they have to remove Lou from my care till the investigation is complete. My cousin stepped up and took her in. My parents took in Josh. This is ongoing. I don't know why they did this. I'm shaken beyond belief. I'm tired. I can still hear Lou crying in my ears. I don't know why. I wake up terrified at night thinking somebody is in the room. I've been sleeping with the lights on. A friend is sleeping over ever since this whole thing happened. One of my friends got me a small generator for my apartment which I can use to keep the security cameras running and the lights if the electricty is shut off. My SIL is telling everyone that I ab**** her children. My parents have called me but I've not answered. My lawyer wants me to go in for some evaluation. My brother is in jail because I pressed charges but I heard that my parents are going to post bail. My life feels like its gone to shit. ​ EDIT: Just want to say that right now I know this post sounds like 'me me me' but I feel like that right now. Lou is upset but she's safe with my cousin, his wife, and kids. She gets along with her cousins so I know she'll be in good hands. September 3, '22 Update - Small (slightly good) self.Mano_Mama3510 This is a small piece of good news. The SS lady came over this morning. She said that based on all the evidence her department has received and the interviews they have conducted from neighbors and teachers, they are confident my brother and SIL's claims are baseless. It's pretty damning evidence. The biggest factor was that they took both Lou and Josh and had a child psychologist evaluate them. They don't show signs of abuse and Josh ended up admitting what his parents had told him to say. Both kids have now been permanently removed from my brother and SIL's care. SS lady found it disturbing like many of you how SIL referred to Lou and they are considering terminating parental rights. That's what she said. The case is still going to be investigated further but since the accusation was verbal and not a filed report, she says it should be fine. I'm now allowed to visit Lou (supervised) and I'm taking some DIY craft stuff for her and her cousins and will stay over for a night. My cousin has been really supportive throughout which makes me feel better. I spent an hour facetiming Lou and she was happier. I set up a small shop online to sell these digital designs when she first moved in with me and she and I had been spending hours making them together. She's very artsy so I know she enjoyed it. She kept talking about her and her cousins (3 girls, her age group) have been drawing pretty designs and all three of them kept popping onto the screen. It just showed me that having her there long term might be the best solution. My cousin has mentioned that if things go the way they are going, he and his wife might consider adopting Lou. There;s more to this but while its a good thing, talking about it makes me a little sad so I'm just not for a while. Both he and his wife gave really good reasons which make sense. My brother lost his job which is something I didn't mention in my last post. Not just because he went to jail but because I blasted both him and SIL on social media, tagging their colleagues. That didn't go over well with my family. My parents showed up and had a lot to say. They didn't so much as ask me how I was doing physically. They kept saying I had destroyed my brothers family because I couldn't leave well enough alone. My lawyer was over at the time and he took great pleasure in kicking them out. So, yeah, that's where things are standing right now. I have a feeling I might never get Lou back but the family that she is with might be the best option, financially, and emotionally. I did book a meeting with a therapist today. It's going to be next week. A lot of you pointed out that I might be a little traumatized from the break in which is true. So, yeah. ​ I don't know much about Josh. I know none of this is his fault but a part of me resents him which isn't fair. I haven't reached out to him and I don't want to. My friends are telling me that once this whole thing is sorted, he will need someone by his side and if he stays with my parents, he'll go down the same path as my brother. I think they're suggesting I take him in when the time comes. I don't know. I don't want to. I can't forget how he told the SS that I had s* abused him. (My cousin has refused to take him in). So, a semi good update and sad. My cousin will come pick me up in a couple of hours. I got some DIY glass paint kits for the girls and some beads and strings for bracelets. September 19, '22 Update - Niece (and Nephew) So its been a while since my last update and I was pondering over whether to make this or not but I got a lot of requests for one so here goes. My name is cleared, legally, from every angle. Surprisingly it didn't take that much time. I had a sit down with Josh a few days ago and by that I mean, his school is near my house and I found him in front of my apartment building when I came home from my doctor's appointment last week. I didn't want to be alone with him so I asked my neighbor and her dad to linger about and I called my lawyer. I know I keep turning to him for every sneeze but I didn't know what to do. After the accusations, I simply didn't want to be alone with him. There was a lot of crying. I get that his entire family unit has been destroyed. He's feeling insecure in a way. He can't see his parents. For some reason, my parents have been blaming him for what happened. That pissed me off. This happened because they did a shitty job of raising their own son. Josh asked if he could stay with. me instead. Now the SS lady who is in charge of this case, wanted to keep Josh and Lou separate for some reason. My lawyer called her to tell her what was happening. She arrived at my apartment within an hour. I have to say you hear shit about these sort of people but this lady is super sweet. She listened to Josh and then to me, privately. I expressed my concerns. However, she said that it might be better to have Josh stay here than my parents. Now that is something that has me uneasy. I told her that and she told me that if I have security cameras inside, I should get them in every room if I am worried. But the child psychologist working with Josh has said he's under too much stress. His school work is suffering. He's not sleeping well. He feels safer here, despite everything. So now Josh is staying with me. I'm being normal with him but I guess I kind of messed up. When he tries to get a hug or something, I move away. I found him crying day before yesterday about this. I feel like shit for it. I told him to give me time and that I do love him. He's shaken beyond anything and he used to be loud and brash and now he's none of those things. He has circles under his eyes and he's always tired and just quiet. I'm talking to my therapist about it and he told me to let him in bit by bit. And that he faced his own sort of trauma. I've started being more physically affectionate like I used to be and that seems to make him relieved. It's just been a week so I hope he gets better. A lot of you told me to leave him be but when these two kids were born, I was there. I was very involved in their lives. He's asked about Lou and if he can see her but when I said not yet, he seemed to understand. He drew a card for her but I'm holding on to it for now. His psychologist says he feels guilty. There's a lot of guilty inside of him and he's not dealing with it well. I took him to the movies today. It was something he;d been waiting for for a while but he just slept through it all. I'm worried but his psychologist tells me to give him time and love. My parents were pissed by the way. As was my brother and SIL. I got phonecalls from all of them. SIL showed up at my house. I'm considering moving. It's just not safe. My entire family is losing their shit. I have apparently destroyed their reputation, an entire family, and etc. Lou is good. Lou is thriving. A two parent household is good for her, like many of you said. She used to call a lot but those calls have lessened over these past two weeks. Which is good for her i guess. She's adjusting. My cousin and his wife adore her. Her cousins like having her there. I started therapy. It's going okay. My leg is better and my face is looking less like a child went at it with crayons. I still have nightmares. But my focus is on Josh right now so that has me distracted. A note from your reposter: Seeing some questions in the comments about the timeframe. Remember they aren't in the US. OOP describes their home as a third world country. Also, it doesn't sound like this is a final, official placement. The kids have to be placed somewhere immediately where they are both physically and mentally safe. It doesn't seem odd to me that they had an immediate kinship placement. 🔴🔴🔴🔴 Editors note: Between the last post and this new one, our OP posted a few more times about changing careers and struggling with depression. You can ind those on her profile.* Dec 15th Update Update - Niece and Nephew I've been getting so many messages for an update (also I'm sorry for not replying to all of them. Things have been hectic for a while) Lou has settled in with my cousin's family quite well. Phone calls have decreased from her end but when I do check up on her, she's thriving there. I feel like I'm a reminder of her worst times and that's probably why she doesn't contact me much. I'm happy for her. It's better she be safe and happy than look back at her past which I'm a part of. Her school has been changed. My cousin and his wife have started the legal adoption process. I was trying to send her money every now and then but my cousin told me that I don't have to. She's not using her Etsy account all that much either but she gets pocket money and I got her a small mickey mouse moneybox to save money in. As for Josh, he's going to be removed from my care soon. He's doing well with me but his therapist says that he too needs a fresh start. I have family in another city (first cousins). They have a son around Josh's age. They reached out to me and asked if they could take Josh in. They've heard of everything and I think they want to help. I've taken him to visit them twice so far. I've explained things to him so has his therapist. The thing is that I can't take custody of him in the legal sense because I'm single. I mean I can, but the legal hula hoops I have to go through are going to take time and the past might be rehashed which won't be good for him. Also, the SS lady who's been with us throughout considers this the best course of action for Josh. Like I said, Josh has been doing better now. But with everything that happened, his school friends know about what he did and he's lost friends. Nearly all of them. When I mentioned him potentially being adopted, he asked if he would go to a new school and be able to make new friends. I think that's what he wants desperately. He's changed as well, quiet, depressed. He misses Lou but not their parents. Lou misses him as well. But the damage to both of them is of the kind that they need to recover individually first. His therapist is adamant he not be in touch with his parents or grandparents. Or even Lou for now. From what I've been told, Josh went through a different trauma but since I'm not a legal guardian, he can't share any details with me. So, I think, in another couple of months, Josh will be gone from here as well. If it's the best decision for him, then that's what I'll do. I've been teaching him how to write letters and post them. My dad taught me when I was young and I used to love it. Josh also enjoys doing it. He's written two letters to his therapist who encouraged the idea. He promised to write me letters once he's gone. Since everything, his social media presence has been erased. For his safety. I've been in a weird place. Things have been hard. I ended up applying to a graduate job position. A couple of them. I just wanted to leave the country now. Once Lou and Josh are settled, their therapists want to minimize my role in their lives. Anyway, I got rejected from all of the jobs. That had me down for a while. I got a cat though. Once Josh is gone as well, I don't want to be lonely. If I have something to love and care for, I think I'll be okay. My cat thinks she owns me, though. I'm going to finish my certifications, keep applying for jobs, outside of my country as well, and inside. Maybe something will come up. It's so easy to just give up when the going gets tough. And it's so easy to not see everything I've been blessed with and focus on the negatives. I'm trying not to do that. I'm trying to be positive about the future. My parents did reach out to me. Not to yell at me this time but just to talk. They looked older than they are and weary. My brother and SIL got a divorce or they're in the process of it. Brother was arrested when he broke into SIL's house at night. He had some 'stuff' with him. For some reason, SIL was expecting him to and she called the police, locking herself in her room. Brother's been arrested again. My parents haven't bailed him out this time. I never asked why. The whole thing is a mess. My parents asked to see Josh and I refused. I told them why. I said a lot to them. They didn't argue this time. Just listened and left. I didn't want to be a part of this drama. I miss them because they're my parents but too much has happened. SIL has not reached for her kids even once. There's an RO against my brother and he's not allowed to approach me or the kids so I've not heard from him either. I think Josh and Lou will soon be happy and well-settled in their lives, and more importantly, loved. All in all, for them, this is as happy of an ending as it can be, given the circumstances. I'll be fine, I guess. I'm trying to focus on my certifications and see where they take me. I have a cat now. Just wanted to tell everyone that again. And she's really cute and vicious which makes me happy. Jan 1st Update Last Update First of all, I want to thank everyone who has been here for me during this tumultuous journey. You offered love, advice, well wishes and everything from the sun to the moon and I'm grateful. I know I barely reply to messages but know that I have read all of them. To all those who offered help (financial, job wise, listening ears) I appreciate it, but I have never been good at accepting help (something I'm still addressing in therapy). But the gestures touched me. You all made me feel like all I had to do was reach out and someone would hold my hand and that meant a freaking lot to me. For me, writing out these things helped, venting out to all of you when I couldn't see past my own nose was helpful in a way you might not understand. It's been a terrible couple of months and my life has changed a lot. And I have this community to thank for that as well. For the update, Lou is thriving which is great. Josh has also left. He's settling in with his new family. Both kids have my number and know I will be there for them when needed. But I'm not going to focus on my life: lose weight, try to become active, focus on my data analyst courses, focus on my writing, maybe self publish in the future, who knows. I'm 29. I want to travel, work on myself. The children are happy or will be, hopefully. And that has me at ease. I made this update because I know all of you have been part of this journey and sometimes some journeys need to be clearly wrapped up with a bow. Fortunately, Josh and Lou will grow to be strong and emotionally intelligent individuals. I wanted you all to know that. I won't be making any more updates for them now. I'll still be on reddit but this chapter is closed now. I want the kids happy and I think they will be now. And maybe when they're older, they might find these posts but that is a long time coming. So, thank you all. I appreciate all of your kindness and prayers and thoughts. You've given me more strength than you realize. submitted by /u/KittenDealinMama to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/CoffeFanatic in r/EntitledPeople and r/narcissisticparents trigger warnings: Abuse, molestation, harassment, mentions of pedophilia mood spoilers: Upsetting at first but then happy/relief ----- ​ My mother is psycho and entitled Part 1- June 24 2021 Some backstory: My mother and I have never gotten along. Ever since I was little she has gone out of her way to be very toxic, controlling and overbearing over every aspect of my life while giving my siblings more freedom. This amped up when my kid was born. Me - Me B - My Kid EM - Entitled Mom Like I said in my backstory, EM and I have never gotten along. She liked controlling my money, my personal life, it was awful. The fights alone were good enough to be on television as one of those reality TV shows. I had lost good relationships with boys, even friends because of her. After B was born, her controlling ways got even worse. She butt in on my parenting, essentially taking over as B's primary care giver and decision maker. She told me that because I lived in her house it was her right as the grandmother to do whatever she liked and if I didn't like it, I could sign off my rights to B and leave. Of course I refused to do this and stayed because I wouldn't abandon my little B. I will admit that I wasn't in the best financial position when I had B. B's father and I had broken up and forced me to move back home with EM. I hated it. Over the next couple of years, I let EM have her way all the while working my ass off at a night job and was saving money. She stole the money I had saved up more than once, so I was forced to get a bank account. I was fine with paper checks and cashing them at our local check cashing place up until that point but because she kept stealing, (claiming my money was her money), I had to get creative with where I hid my cash until I got the bank account. Because it was a bank issued debit card, it requires a pin to purchase things. I of course came up with a special pin number that she would never guess. One night I am cooking dinner for my son and I and EM bursts in demanding to know where my money is. I tell her that I had set up a bank account for myself. She. Flipped. Out. She demanded to know the pin to my debit card so she could take out the money and I gave a big. Fat. NO. She screamed at me for being selfish and that she deserves the money more than me because me and B live in her house and if I wouldn't give up the pin then she would cut the card into ribbons so neither of us could have it. By this point, on the advice of a friend, I had begun recording EM whenever she began to misbehave for any reason. After telling EM I wouldn't give up the pin, she grabbed the scissors and chopped my debit card into tiny pieces. I knew I could just go take out cash if I needed to and I had discovered a convenient hiding place where I had been stashing my cash, so I wasn't worried. I requested a new card the next day and went about my business. Some time later, when I had saved enough, I began looking into apartments. I found one close to work and there was a daycare center a few blocks away, which would be perfect for B and I. I got a friend to go with me and after a bit of talking with my new landlord, I signed the lease, paid the first three months of rent off and got the keys. I was stoked to say the least! I went to EM's house and began packing right away. She barged into my room without even knocking and asked just what the hell I was doing. Of course, I picked up my phone and began recording right away. I told her that me and B were moving out. Without any hesitation, she began screaming, demanding to know where I was taking HER kid. I refused to tell her. So what does EM do? She calls the police. The police arrive and before I had the chance to explain the situation, EM begins ranting and raving that I am kidnapping HER CHILD! HER CHILD!? The officer looks at me with suspicion but then relaxes when I tell him B is my kid and that we are moving out. EM flips out even more, demanding the officer to arrest me and force me to sign over my parental rights to her and to interrogate me into giving up my bank details. The officer sighed. (That kind of sigh like why the hell he was even called out to this situation.) He told my mother that he could not arrest me for moving out because I'm an adult and B is my child and he couldn't force me to sign over my parental rights, nor could he force me to give up my bank information. He then told her to if she wanted to go for Grandparents Rights, she most certainly could but given how unhinged she is just because I am moving out, it doesn't seem like she is within the right frame of mind to be anywhere near any child, let alone her own grandchild. This did not go over well at all. As the officer was leaving and I was in the process of packing up some of B's things, EM lunged at me and began scratching at my face. I naturally defended myself and shoved her away from me. She screamed at the officer to arrest me for assaulting her. The officer sighed, again and said he had seen her lunge at me first and me shoving her was me defending myself. He then added that someone would be going to jail tonight and told her to put her hands behind her back. I never felt so grateful for the police in my life. I will add with a part 2. ​ My mother is psycho and entitled Part 2- June 25 2021 First off: Thank you to the supportive comments from Part 1. Secondly, Part 2 is a doozy so strap in and enjoy the crazy train ride. Again: Me B - My kid EM - Entitled Mother While EM was being carted off to jail for a nice, relaxing cool down in lockup for the evening, I took the opportunity to pack everything I could within the time I had. My siblings were understandably upset EM had been arrested but after explaining the situation, they didn't really try to stop me either. I secured a moving van and packed up everything and went to my new apartment with B. A friend helped me unpack some basic things, helped me set up B's bed, and we got Chinese food. The feeling of relief swept over me like a tidal wave. After years of abuse, stealing, being controlled and being stolen from I was free. I don't think I ever cried so hard. (I'm still in therapy) Eventually, I was unable to continue working nights because finding child-care at those hours was impossible and almost everyone in my family had disowned me for "hurting EM." I found a job that paid close to $3000 a month and it was above my skill level but thankfully it had a full training program and I was able to afford the daycare close by and still make enough to pay the bills and have a little extra for saving and fun things for me and B to do on the weekends. While I was glad to get away from EM, B would often say he missed her and how much he liked the presents she gave him. While I didn't let B go without, he certainly wasn't getting as much as he did before. Of course I didn't want to shatter his view of his grandmother and break his little heart but I didn't want to lie to him either. I told him that EM was no longer in our lives because she treated me very poorly and it had gotten to the point where I couldn't handle it anymore. B is 7 now. He understands when adults are being mean to each other. He knows EM was mean to me but he did like that she was nice to him. He's a kid so I won't hold that against him, even if it makes me grumble a litte. Fast forward a year. I had made our apartment into a home. B's bedroom was stocked full of toys, clothes, a bed, books and the fridge was always full. On my income I was able to buy myself the queen bed of my dreams. I afforded us a comfortable life. While we weren't rich, we had enough money to live and having financial stability was something I never thought I would have under EM's control. I had even started seeing a very awesome guy I had met at a luncheon my boss was throwing. We hit it off immediately and B absolutely adores him. After having NC with EM for the year, I was surprised to see I had a message over Facebook from one of my siblings. They asked me if I'd be willing to talk to EM and try mending the rift because she missed B and wanted to mend our broken family for B's sake. I didn't want to. I felt like this was some ploy to get her claws into B and hurt me again. Just looking at the message made me have a PTSD episode. I was scared. Very scared. After my boyfriend helped me to calm down and told me that talking to my therapist might help, I called her and set up an emergency appointment. My therapist told me that EM reaching out might be sincere and the most that will happen is the visit going bad and I go back to NC again. I wasn't worried about there being an argument. I was worried EM might steal, or worse kidnap B if I turn my back. My paranoia was all over the place. After thinking it over for a while, I decided not to let fear control me. I messaged my sibling back and we made plans to meet up in a public place for lunch. I agreed to bring B with me but I made the condition that my boyfriend would join us as well. My sibling wasn't happy with this but hesitantly agreed. Red flag #1. As the day of the lunch approached, EM sent a message to me on Facebook, saying how much she missed B and that she had loads of presents for him. I said I am sure he will be very grateful for the gifts and EM said she had one for me too. To avoid an argument I thanked her and told her I would see her at the lunch. She assured me I would be shocked when I opened my present with a devil grin emoji... Red flag #2. On the day of the lunch my anxiety was shooting through the roof. I kept changing my mind but my boyfriend assured me he would be there for my every step of the way and if I was uncomfortable and wanted to leave, we would grab B and get the fuck out of there. After some more freaking out, we got into the car and arrived at the restaurant. My boyfriend was kind enough to offer to pay for everyone's lunch and EM took full advantage, ordering the most expensive thing on the menu, including an expensive cocktail and even an extra dish to take home for later. I was understandably annoyed at this but my boyfriend simply smiled and said whatever EM wanted. After we ate, B and EM hugged and B opened all of the gifts she had gotten for him. He was super happy and excited to take everything home to play with them but EM stopped him and said that the toys would be for her house and that B was welcome to come play with them whenever he wanted. I nearly spat out my drink. This got EM's attention and she smiled at me (that smile was faker than fake) and said she wanted to hand deliver my gift in person. She handed me a large brown envelope. I almost didn't want to take it, worried she had put anthrax or something in it but I took it and opened it. She was petitioning the court for Grandparents Rights. I immediately exploded, standing and throwing the papers at her, shouting at her that she will never get her hands on B and she would over my dead and rotting corpse. I grabbed B, my boyfriend and we immediately left. B was sad he couldn't keep the gifts but I promised to buy all of them for him myself and we didn't need EM in our lives. I felt humiliated and tricked. The only good thing to come out of this horrible episode is that they were left with the bill. There is more so Part 3 is coming. ​ My mother is psycho and entitled Part 3- June 25 2021 Continuing on from part 2. Me - Me B - My kid EM - Entitled Mother In the last entry, EM was petitioning for Grandparents Rights. I had never been involved with the courts before. I was pretty freaked out, not to mention terrified of the lies EM might tell them about me. After some talk with my boyfriend and therapist, they urged me to hire an attorney. I found a fantastic family law attorney who was incredibly kind but very direct and didn't bullshit me. I still had flash drives of recordings of the times my mother abused me, a lot of the arguments we had but my attorney dashed any hope of using them. Audio recordings weren't admissible unless both parties agreed to be recorded. I almost gave up hope on the spot but he assured me that my EM's previous arrest and the testimony of the officer who had arrested her the night I moved out, plus my boyfriend's witness statement and the fact that EM hadn't seen B in over a year was more than enough for a judge to deny EM of any Grand Parent rights. At the hearing, in classic Karen form, EM played the victim, stating that I was the aggressor the night I moved out. That I smoked weed around B and I was a prostitute who brought strange men into her home and slept with them in front of B. She came up with so many lies during the hearing, that I swear shit was about to start spewing from the browns of her eyes. She even went so far as to accuse my boyfriend of molesting B! The judge then asked if she had any proof of these claims and she looked at me with that fake motherly tone saying she didn't want to ruin her precious daughter's life but this whole thing has forced her hand and she is looking out for her grandchild's best interest. I couldn't contain the snort that I audibly let out. After my siblings testified (they merely repeated the lies but couldn't provide any proof), the judge dismissed her testimony as heresay but did order me to undergo a drug test. When it was my turn to testify, I detailed the years of abuse and theft. I told the judge about the money that EM had stolen from me many times and the time she cut up my debit card because I wouldn't give her my pin number. I even reiterated about how she demanded the cop arrest me and to force me to give up my bank details. When I stepped down from the stand, the officer was called in to testify. EM turned white as a ghost. The officer cooborated my story. EM began shouting at the officer, calling him a liar but the judge had the police report in front of him. He warned EM he would hold her in contempt of court if she continued with her outburst. My therapist and my boyfriend also testified. The judge denied EM's petition for Grand Parents rights. He even said he believed she was in deep need of counseling and that she displays instability to the point it is disturbing. EM was shaking with rage. She held her compoure...shockingly and just walked out of the court room, glaring at me as she passed by. Outside the courtroom, I told my siblings that I will never let EM into my life or B's life after this and if they continued to side with her, then they too will have to accept that I will have NC with them. My boyfriend (who I married) and I agreed to try putting EM and that side of the family behind us. Because I had no family who cared, our wedding was small with only his side in attendance. I didn't mind. His family had welcomed B and I openly and accepted us. We moved into a larger home just a few miles away from my old one and agreed we wanted to start a family together and give B a little sibling. If there is one thing that helped me get through the years of torture, it was being a mom and I'm damn good at it. Husband even legally adopted B to claim as his own. You'd think this would be a happy ending but nope, the bitch is like herpes. She keeps coming back. Part 4 soon. ​ My mother is psycho and entitled Part 4- June 25 2021 I know this is a novel but I'm actually glad to be doing this. It's cathartic in a way. You may notice this all takes place over the course of many years. Just wanted to clarify it didn't all happen at once. This is an accumulation of instances where my EM was toxic and dangerous. Thanks for listening. It means a lot. Me - Me B - My kid EM - Entitled Mother My boyfriend had proposed and we got married in a small courthouse wedding with his parents and siblings in attendance. It wasn't the big massive wedding of my dreams but we spent the money on our honeymoon, which was fantastic. Fast forward two years. I am still in therapy and it helps to have a husband I can turn to when I am feeling stressed or my PTSD starts to "flare up," as I call it but I start to notice he is being distant toward me. To make a long story short, he had been cheating on me for well over a year with a co-worker. I was able to move B and I back to our old apartment complex. It wasn't the same apartment but the transition was pretty easy and I had enough vacation time at work to take a few days off to get everything sorted out. Ex-husband and I divorced but agreed to stay amicable for B's sake. A few months go by and I was starting to get over the divorce. B and I were spending more time together, and I was supporting him through his favorite thing at that time. Little League. He tried out for the school team and got picked right away. I was so proud of him. It was better than him being obsessed with video games. After a little time I get a facebook message from one of my siblings again. Therapy had been so great with helping me overcome those emotions so I didn't react as badly as I had before. They wanted me to forgive EM for how she acted and that she was deeply sorry for it and truly wanted to mend the rift. If she was so sorry why didn't she message me herself? She has my facebook. I asked my sibling why now and they said because the divorce, it isn't right that I'm alone now. I hadn't told anyone in my family about my divorce. I'm pretty much NC with all of them. I'm guessing word just spread around about it. I told my sibling that I was fine and I still didn't want any contact with EM after she lied about me to a judge. Sibling said EM had been in therapy and realizes she was wrong and thought if she messaged me herself, she would just get blocked and ignored. Hearing that EM was seeing a therapist actually made me happy. Maybe now EM could see that her abuse and torturing me was toxic and that it destroyed our relationship. Because I'm an absolute fucking idiot, I asked my sibling if she could watch my apartment and B while I take a short but much needed vacation with some friends. I would only be gone for the weekend, as we were going to the spa. I also asked sibling NOT to tell EM my address. Just as a measure of safety, I asked my ex-husband to check on my apartment from time to time over the weekend. I thought this would give B the chance to get to know their family a little and I would get a nice quiet two days of pampering. I drive to the spa and I'm there not even three hours before I get a frantic call from ex-husband. My apartment was trashed, the walls smeared with dog feces and the police are there looking for me. Of course I am panicking at this point and had to drive the hour long trip back home, terrified of what I am about to walk into. When I get there, I am arrested on the spot for drug possession, child neglect and child endangerment. I am absolutely, 100% SHOCKED by this. I don't do drugs. I don't even smoke weed. I have a couple drinks on occasion but other than that, I'm pretty much a square. I am hauled down to the police station and interrogated at length about the accusations being labeled against me. EM had made a call to them after seeing her grandson covered in bruises and dog feces. We don't even own a dog. After the police searched my trashed apartment, they found the drugs sitting on my kitchen counter. Upon hearing that it was EM that called the police on me, my PTSD flared up and I began to have the most severe anxiety attack that I ever had and had to be admitted to the hospital for a psych evaluation. I don't remember much of it because I apparently had fainted many times from the high amounts of stress. The on call therapist told me I was screaming why is "she" doing this to me and that I wanted to die. After three days of being on medication that made me into a literal zombie, the police came to talk to me again. He told me that EM refused to admit B to the hospital for an examination, stating that she knows he has bruises because she saw them and didn't need a doctor to tell her that HER baby was abused. Ex-husband being the god-send that he is, asked the police to take B from EM's custody and after an extensive examination, B had no bruises, other than the scrapes he got from Little League. He told the officer that EM had told him that she was going to be his mother now. He made sure to drive home the point that EM was scary and he was afraid she may hurt him if he tried to escape. Both my siblings were questioned and to save their own skins admitted that EM told them to wait until I wasn't home and B was with them so she and my other sibling could go and trash my apartment and plant the drugs. EM denied this but the evidence and all of the instances where she showed her clear mental instability, she was arrested on charges of domestic abuse, theft, destruction of property, lying to police and the worst of all, kidnapping. My siblings were also charged. I also found out that EM being in therapy was a lie and that EM had no intention of changing and was merely biding her time. I have since been granted a permanent restraining order against EM and my siblings and they are in no way to contact me and if any other relative tries to contact me on their behalf, that would be a violation and they would be charged even more. I will be in therapy for probably for the rest of my life at this point and B has begun seeing the same therapist. My ex-husband and I are working through our own issues. Knowing that EM will get out of prison at some point, we are considering moving out of state. Quick edit in case anyone is wondering: My boss has been the best. He paid for a professional cleaning crew to clean up my apartment and replaced my living room television. (B is happy about that) I'm sure some might be wondering why I still have anything to do with my ex-husband. We are working through those issues with therapy and there is a lot of trust to build back up but we love one another and are committed to being good for each other as well as B. There are boundaries that we set for one another and he even pays child support to help with B and is even taking him to ball games and the two of them are incredibly close. B already lost his birth father, I don't want him losing his step-father too. It's what works for us and someday I know we'll all be just fine. For now, we are happy with a no-committment friendship while we go through counseling. B is in therapy as well and it helps him a lot to cope with the loss of his birth father and going through the traumatic experience his grandmother had put him through. I am now talking with a cousin who knows how crazy my mother is and after I moved out all those years ago was ranting about how she could make me suffer for taking B away from her and losing out on all of that money. Greed and mental illness do not mix. Second Edit: I wanted to quickly add this because I realize I had glazed over some things. My mother and siblings were all sentenced to jail for their role in destroying my apartment and attempting to frame me, not to mention kidnapping B. Sister got five years, my brother got eight and my mother got fifteen years. I wasn't present for the sentencing portion but I did receive copies of each of their sentences. My mother was ordered to undergo a psych evaluation. It's been a few days since I posted and a lot of people are suggesting we move out of state. We are considering it. Both ex and I are able to transfer but I am worried about tugging B away from the family he has here. (My ex-husband's family I mean. I have NC with my mother's family). And EX doesn't want to move. He thinks that moving means they have won and that they scared us off. I tell him it's a matter of safety, not pride and he gets that. We're still discussing it whenever B isn't in the room. We have already settled on a location if we decide to move. It would be a big change from our lives here but it would definitely be a nice change. Another thing that is stopping us is our relationship. We aren't married anymore and currently don't live together. EX says in order for things to work, we would need to get married again, or at least move in together. I'm currently thinking about it but I am leaning toward moving B and I back in with him. At least to get away from my old apartment because some of my mother's relatives know where it is. It's a lot to think about but I am discussing it with my therapist as well. She thinks moving would be good for us. ​ My JNM is now in jail for years of abuse and kidnapping- June 27 2021 (OP Note- I only added the new information as this post was essentially a rehash of the previous four) I'm likely going to be in therapy for the rest of my life and my son is now in therapy as well. Bill and I are working through our own issues in couples therapy. While my JNM will spend the next fifteen years in prison for what she's done, I do not want to be anywhere near here when she does. I have a permanent protective order against her and my siblings. They cannot contact me for any reason and if any relative contacts me on their behalf, then it is a violation and they will be charged for violating the protective order. Bill and I are currently discussing moving to a new state to start over. We can transfer our jobs easily so that isn't stopping us but we would be leaving his family behind and I and my son have grown close with them, despite Bill and I being divorced. I don't know what I would do without them, but I know that me and my son will not be anywhere near this place when the JNLunatics get out of prison. Edit: So I just received a call from a victims advocate that works through the state police. He told me that my mother had outright REFUSED to undergoe the mandatory psych evaluation in prison, saying her rights were being violated. After the threat of her incarceration lasting even longer than the fifteen years, she relented. From what the VA is telling me, it took about four sessions in total for them to get anything out of her. When she finally opened up, everything she told the psychologist showed that my mother is clearly a sociopath. The VA believes that treatment and the prison time will help my mother, but knowing how good my mother is at putting on an act, I highly doubt it. ​ My crazy mother is contacting me again- Aug 22 2021 I truly believed that five states worth of distance would be enough to keep my crazy mother away from me and my son but I was wrong. My mother was released early from prison, thanks to Covid. Several prisoners in the prison she was at had come down with covid and her along with several others were released. I was not informed as I believe I should have been and I found out in a facebook message from my IL's. ------- In case anyone is curious, my mother attempted to frame me by having my brother trash my apartment and smearing dog crap on my walls and planting drugs in my kitchen. My mother made reports against me for abusing my son in an attempt to take my son away from me and put me in jail. My sister was babysitting my son. I had gone to a spa with some friends from work and was only there a couple of hours before my now husband (former ex at the time but we're back together now) called to tell me what was going on at my apartment. I was arrested and interrogated but had to be put into the psych ward from having an anxiety attack and wanting to die. My mother kidnapped my son, but the joke was on her because my husband had legally adopted my son and he was promptly taken out of her house and she was arrested after my siblings squealed on her when they were interrogated. My mother had done many awful things to me during my childhood and my adult years, including stealing money from me, beating me and trying to take over raising my son. She tried having me arrested for not giving her MY bank details and kidnapping my own child. I went no contact with her after my son and I moved out. Fast forward a few years and the paragraph above was the end result that lead to my mother and siblings going to jail. My husband (Bill) and I got remarried in a double wedding with my best friend (Barbara) and her now husband (Dave). We all moved to the new state and we were finally getting on with our lives. I transfered from the old branch to the new one and have been working. Bill works from home. We both make good money together and our schedules are flexible so we make time to do family activities with our son every weekend. ------- I thought life, even with covid was pretty close to perfect, until a week ago. I was checking facebook at work, like I always do when I have a couple of minutes between calls when I see a message from my IL's. My mother had been released from jail and showed up to their house demanding to know where me and my son were. They refused to tell her and slammed the door in her face. My heart jumped into my throat while reading the message. I then notice I have a message request from someone named Deb. It simply read: "Where are you?" I'm not stupid and I know it was mother attempting to contact me so I blocked that account and called the police in my old state. They stated that unless I can prove it's her, there isn't much they can do. I hoped that if I kept blocking anyone I don't know who contacts me, things would be fine but I was wrong again. On my facebook, I do specify where I work, so she found out and contacted the old branch of my job and one of my former co-workers (who was informed of the need for secrecy but didn't care) let it slip where my family and I had moved to. My former boss found out and fired that employee for violating his instructions. He called me to let me know and to apologize for my mother finding out while on his watch. He has since contacted my current boss and now my current co-workers know that if anyone calls looking for me to not say a word and to forward them to our answering service or leave them on hold until they hang up. Sure enough, mother got the phone number to my job and has been calling up to ten times a day trying to get me on the phone. Thankfully my co-workers have been amazing gate keepers and have not catered to my psycho mother's demands, but simply leave her on hold until she hangs up. I have discarded my old phone carrier and have upgraded to a new plan with a new phone and phone number but my direct work number is public and I can use it no matter where I am in the country. Mother found it on my Linkedin page and has been calling me non-stop, but she hasn't left any voicemails. She then called from a number that I assumed was a potential client and I answered. I am still panicking from this phone call. It goes as follows: Me: Good morning, this is (OP). Mother: Hi, OP. This is your mother. Me: Mom, you know you're not supposed to contact me. Mother: I know but I just want to talk to you. Me: I don't want to talk to you. Mother: Listen, OP. You can't avoid me forever. This foolish charade of yours has gone on long enough, don't you think? Don't you think it's time you set your selfish wants aside and do what's right for Brandon? He needs his grandmother. Me: Are you joking? Why the hell would MY SON need you? You tried to kidnap him after having (Brother) smear dog shit on my walls and plant drugs in my apartment. If Bill hadn't adopted him, who knows what you would have done. You need to leave us alone. Mother: You're not fit to be a mother, OP. You never have been. I can do better for Brandon than you and that brute you're shacking up with. Feel free to keep that man but let my grandson be with a family that truly loves him. Me: (My blood boiling at this point) Over my dead body. I then hung up and blocked the number. I contacted the police again and told them what happened and they now acknowledge that she poses a risk to me and my son so they are looking for her. She lost the house she was living in so who knows where she is at this point. One thing about my job that I love is that I can bring my laptop home and take calls and deal with clients from home if I choose but I enjoy working in the office because my co-workers are great and I can meet with clients face to face, but now I have to invite them to my house and that comes with even more anxiety. School is starting soon so I made sure to fill out my son's emergency packet, including the list of who is allowed to take him out of school for any reason, just in case my mother tries to kidnap him from school. Barbara and Dave are up to speed on everything so they will be keeping a look out while my son and I basically hide away in the house until the psycho bitch gives up. We already have two guns that we keep secure in a safe in our closet. (It's password protected and our son doesn't know it.) I've been going to the gun range to learn how to use mine and to get over my anxiety of them. I'm also considering self-defense classes. ​ The final nail in my psycho mother's coffin- Nov 30 2021 Trigger warning. I will be speaking of sexual assault. Hello, Reddit Fam. It's been a while but I just wanted to get on here and finally give an update, as I now can. If anyone remembers, my mother mistreated me all of my life. She stole from me, abused me, tried to steal my bank details and framed me with drugs so she could kidnap my son. And that is just the abridged version of the crazy shit my mother has done to me. The last time I heard from her, she had been calling my job non stop, calling me unfit and demanding I give her my son. Since then the police have been searching for her. She had an active warrant in my old state and hid herself away to avoid being arrested but that didn't stop her from contacting me and harassing me with the threats to take my son. My son Brandon who is almost 11 thinks she's a crazy bitch and said if he ever had to go with her, he would jump in front of a semi truck. A bit dark, but I agree with the sentiment... Because of all of the constant calls and harassing voicemails mother left at my work, my boss had to let me go, which was devastating but I was able to secure a new job quickly. I actually work from home fulltime and get paid more, so I am not too heart broken over the loss. We converted our spare bedroom into my office and not having to doll myself up on the daily and just lounge in my sweats and answer calls has been pretty frickin sweet. It gives me more time with my family and Bill's and my love life couldn't be better and this is evidenced that I am now pregnant with our first child together. I just found out two months ago. Somehow psycho bitch found out and I don't know how. We didn't announce anything on facebook or tell anyone but my IL's. I secretly think one of them let it slip to a relative and the snowball effect made it's way to my mother's ear because I started getting harassing messages from my uncles, both of whom are convicted pedophiles, demanding to know where I am and no amount of ignoring them or threats of police were making them leave me alone. Eventually I blocked the accounts when I saw ignoring them wasn't working and for a time things were quiet and I felt I could breath a little. I want to confess something and it is embarrassing. My grandfather on my mother's side molested all of his kids, my mother included. They grew up believing it was the norm and my grandmother did nothing to stop it and let it go on, even encouraged it. My uncles were convicted of raping and molesting my cousin who is now in therapy for life. I don't want to go into more grim detail as it is traumatic even for me, I was also molested by my uncles when I was a kid and I know no amount of jail time has cured them of their sick and twisted ways of thought. Therapy has been instrumental in me moving past my traumatic childhood and given me the tools to be stronger and a good mother to my son. You can see why I want to keep my children as far away from them as possible. Two weeks I was working and I got a call on my work number. When I picked up, it was mother calling me again. I found out she had hired a PI to find out my new job and my address, which sent me into a rage I had never experienced before. I can't even transcribe it because it mostly consisted of her screaming more threats that not only was she going to take my son but she would now be taking my unborn child. Straight from my belly if need be. As I had a recorder on my phone, I made sure to record the call for the police and hung up on her. I did a reverse call log and saw it was from a google voice number, which if no one knows what that is it is a number you can link to your actual phone number to avoid your private number getting out. I use it with my cell phone. I called the police and they came over to listen to the recording, but without knowing if she was in my old state or this one, there was little they could do. Tracing the call was pointless as it was from a google voice number. So after talking with Bill, we tried contacting google. After being given the runaround for several days, we finally got hold of someone willing to help. The google voice number was disconnected and the private number blocked from their service. This must have sent mother into a rage because she called my work number from the actual number to scream at me even more and I finally had her. It was my uncle's number. I could hear my uncle in the background threatening to rape and kill my son. Upon hearing that, after so long, a fire was lit under my ass because I wasn't going to let anyone fuck with my babies. I called the police in my old state and let them know and sent the recording directly via google drive. (If you can't already tell, my job uses google services for everything.) Within a few days, the police had a search warrant for my uncle's house. From what I was told, my uncle resisted and was arrested after getting zapped by a taser. Mother, who thought she was so smart was found hiding in a closet and taken into custody. My other uncle is also now in custody for the continued harassment of me. They searched my uncle's computer and found files upon files of CP, pictures of me and my son, chat logs between him and underage girls of varying degrees of disgusting, including disgusting pictures. My other uncle confessed to knowing everything and agreed to testify for a lesser charge. Between the three of them, there are enough charges to keep them behind bars for more than a decade and this time my mother can't use covid as an excuse to walk away free. I am finally free. My family is safe and I am okay. I've been told they were denied bail and I will have to travel to my old state to testify against them but because of covid and a lot of other cases ahead of them, they will likely not see the judge for two years. Fine by me. Anyway, thanks for sticking with me for this long, reddit fam. I can't thank you enough for helping me through all this. Reminder - I am not the original poster. submitted by /u/InternetAddict104 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

This is a new update to a previously posted story. There are actually 3 new updates. If you don't need to read the first 3 parts that has already been posted to BORU, I have marked the newer ones with 🔴🔴🔴's so you can skip to them. I consider this story ongoing so we might get more updates. Originally posted by u/Mano_Mama3510 in r/AmItheAsshole. Trigger warnings: child abuse, violence Original post August 10th Just bear with me for a moment. My (29f) nephew, Josh (12m), is quite spoilt. His parents, my brother and SIL show blatant favoritism towards him over his younger sister Lou(9f). As a result, sadly Josh has grown a little entitled. He also is quite mean to his younger sister because his parents never believe her when she tells him what he's done to her stuff. Now, I'm usually very strict and when the kids are with me for a weekend, Josh is usually on his best behavior. Now, Josh's birthday was yesterday. Lou had a spelling bee last week and she got first prize. Her parents brushed it off but I was very happy for her because she spent hours learning each word and I was very proud. So when I took the kids day before Josh's birthday so he could pick out a gift for his bday, I got Lou a stuffed animal as a 'you did great!'. Josh picked this game that he's been wanting. The birthday party was yesterday and when I went to their house, Lou had been grounded and was not allowed to attend and the two friends she had invited were also sent back home. I thought it was extreme and asked what she had done. Turns out that Josh and her argued over the tv remote and Josh went to her room and destroyed her stuffed animal that I gave her and told her she didn't deserve it. Lou screamed at him and my brother got angry with her 'temper tantrum' and had her pick up the pieces of the stuffed animal and throw them in the trash ALL THE WHILE SHE CRIED. She was then grounded. Btw, Josh's best friend was the one who spilled the beans to me and also told me that Josh goaded his parents into the punishment. I was furious and refused to give Josh his birthday present, telling him he didn't deserve it for being mean to his sister. I also told off my SIL and brother that they're growing insanely cruel towards their young daughter. Now my family is pissed that I refused to give Josh his birthday gift. SO, AITA TLDR; nephew picked on sister and I refused to give him his bday present ​ EDIT: I have picked up my niece from my brother's house this morning. I called him and told him if she's being so rude to her brother, then maybe she should stay with me a couple of days to clam down (had no other choice but to say this. had to get her out of there). I got her a massive teddy bear which she's keeping in my house and I took her out to get Mcdonalds so she's smiling. But I am looking for a more permanent solution 1st Update 6 days later It's been a hell of a week. First of all, I want to say thank you for all the kind comments and messages. I've read all of them. I only managed to respond to some because I was pretty overwhelmed over the whole thing. There was a lot going on as well. As you can tell from my other posts, I'm in the middle of switching careers, so I simply don't have the funds to support my niece. And by that, I mean no one is going to give me my niece to foster because my income is low. I'm a freelance romance writer and that doesn't really generate a lot of income. I say this because I did seek out advice from social services in my country and they just shook their head at me. But I'll get to that later. On to the actual update, I did end up taking my niece with me for a few days and I sat her down and talked to her once she was calm. There were a lot of things that were happening in that house that I was not aware of. My nephew bullies her and my brother thinks its funny when she cries. A few months ago, my niece had an accident and fractured her left arm. I was told she slipped down the stairs. She is clumsy so I thought that was that. Turned out her brother pushed her down the stairs as a prank and my brother laughed while she was screaming in pain. I verified the story from a neighbor who told me that she ended up taking her to hospital. Her father was apparently shouting at her to stop making a racket when she wouldn't stop screaming in pain. I lost it at that. I asked her if her mom knew. She said yes. Now, my childhood was pretty dark but not like this. I called my parents and asked them about this incident and a couple others and at first they hee-hawed, we don't know, blah, blah, and then my mom admitted she knew and that it was just kids being kids. I just saw red at that point. This whole week I've been gathering any bit of evidence I can find. Finally, I invited over my brother and his wife. I told them that if they didn't get their shit together, I was posting everything on social media. I was going to email it to their companies, friends, whatnot (thank you to whomever suggested this). At first my brother was furious and when he tried to attack me, I pointed towards the camera I have in my living room. I was so angry that I felt like I was numb. I knew that this would destroy my relationship with my entire family but they left a little girl screaming on the bottom of the stairs and my brother laughed. I can't get that image out of my head. I told them I could either call the social services in our country and get Lou taken from them, or they could give her to me. The problem with this threat is that if I went the social services route, I would lose Lou as well. I told them if they don't want a daughter, they can give her to me. They can pretend she never existed. I was just speaking very quickly at that point. I don't even remember what i said. I would take over her expenses, etc, except for her health insurance and school fees. I told them they would never have to look at her again. I just kept talking. ​ My SIL started crying of how I was taking her child from her. I admittedly got angry over that and reminded her she wanted to abort Lou when she was pregnant. I was legit angry crying at that moment. I wanted to hit them. My brother was just silent. He was actually considering it. ​ I told them it was better than having their dirty laundry aired in public because if it did, both kids would be removed from their house. It was blackmail but I had no options. ​ They said they'd think about it but Lou is with me for now. My SIL was pretty nasty about it too. in her words 'keep the little 'sl**'." All in my language ofc. I don't know how she can refer to her daughter like this but honestly i don't give a shit. My friend is a lawyer and he's told me to get a voice message from them that Lou is going to stay with me. My SIL said this over the voice note. ​ Lou hasn't mentioned going home. She doesn't talk about her parents. Yesterday, she and I went out and brought this lavender color paint and we painted my entire guestroom for her. I've decided to pick up more projects so that i can start saving for her. I did have some money set aside for a potential college fund for her. But I'll be picking up more work to save more and give her a comfortable life. ​ I did get calls from my parents, shouting at me. I closed the phone on them. the only person who is supportive is my cousin. He said that if social services do get involved, he can take Lou in and I can move closer to them or something. I don't know. ​ Lou is just quiet. She's happy sometimes and sometimes she's just quiet. I fear she suffered more abuse in that house than she's letting on. My lawyer friend recommended a child therapist so I've booked a session for Monday. It's been three days and no call from my brother and SIL. My parents call every now and then to yell at me but they yell at me either way so whatever. I feel like this might work because both brother and SIL saw the post I had written out as a draft with pictures and evidence. It was extreme enough that they would suffer damage at their jobs. And news channels in my country eat this shit up especially if it happens in an educated household. ​ I don't know. I know blackmail is wrong. But I don't know what to do. 2nd Update August 18th I have been bombarded by the most loving and sincere messages and comments and I know I can't get to all of them but I want to thank you fo reaching out. You guys have made me feel from being alone to having an entire community behind me and that is such a reassuring thought. To all those who offered to send Lou gifts and hep out with clothes etc, thank you so much. It's a very touching offer but I do want to let you know that my friends have been spoiling Lou, buying her gifts, taking her out. She's got at least ten stuffed animals alone including one massive life-sized one from me and one from my very sweet neighbor from across the hall. She loves cuddling them both and has named them Boo and Hoo. She thinks its funny as do I when she runs down the hall screaming 'Boo Hoo, lets play'/ And for those who offered to help me out with my career transition, those who sent me roadmaps and offered to tutor me themselves, or even share their learning accounts with me, God bless you! I will reach out to most of you guys if I run into hiccups but I just started crying when all of you kept reaching out. But I'm planning to do a tech degree from treehouse and do small courses and certifications alongside. But thank you all so much. I've not even gotten to all the messages yet. ​ About the Gofundme account I've been asked about, as much as I appreciate the offers, the thing is while I am not crazy rich, I do have some savings and will keep working to increase my income to give Lou a comfortable life. My friends have gathered around me and have given their kids clothes, toys, etc. I've not given Lou everything because I know things are changing for her right now and I want to take it slowly. ​ Also, my SIL's parents sent me some money yesterday and her mother visited this morning. She didn't say anything but she just stayed for an hour, asked Lou if she was happy and gave me some money. She said she would keep sending money. Lou's maternal grandfather didn't reach out but I suspect his wife might be fond of Lou. She's very sweet and non confrontational. Tbh I've never talked to her before, she's very quiet. But she asked if she could visit again, and I said, only if I was home. She was okay with that. Lou's parents haven't reached out but Josh called this afternoon, wanting to talk to Lou. It sounded like he had been crying. I felt bad and I told him he can visit on the weekends as he always done (like I said before, he is always well behaved here). Lou and he talked on the speaker phone for quite a while and he was telling her about the baby rabbits they have or something. I was just keeping an eye on Lou. Lou didn't seem upset when she closed the phone. She's at that age when you really want to get along with your sibling. I would really prefer if I can build a better relationship between the two. ​ That's all that happened so far. I just wanted to make this post to thank everyone who has and is still reaching out. And I guess I want to reassure you all that things are getting better. From the way, Lou's maternal grandmother was talking, I think she's confident Lou will be staying with me. And I did tell my parents off. I told them that if they want contact with their ONLY granddaughter, they should be grateful she's in a safe environment. I also added that they should be happy that Josh now has his parents full attention. My mom shut up at the first part which makes me suspect that they were aware of other things happening in that house. ​ Lastly, I talked to my lawyer who set up an urgent medical examination for Lou. I don't want to get into it but nothing happened to her of any sexual nature. She has bruises here and there which have not faded but aside from the fracture in her arm, there's nothing that suggests anything untoward happening. It's A HUGE relief but Lou was all shaken up by the examination so I took her to get icecream and let her watch two disney movies back to back. She has to go back to school from Monday so I think she'll be fine. 🔴🔴🔴🔴 September 1, '22 It's been a minute. Sorry for the sudden silence. My inbox has been overflowing and I haven't touched it in a while. Also sorry for the tiny heading which makes no sense. God, I'm tired. I wanted to give an update considering how many of you reached out and asked and offered help, advice and everything under the sun. All of which I'm very grateful for and probably why I'm writing this post. So, a lot has happened since my last post. I don't even know where to begin. Lou has been removed from my care. I guess I should start from this point. They took her away four days ago. Social services. She's with my cousin and she's called me crying, multiple times because she wants to come back. I wasn't allowed to accompany her because they think that I might be a danger to her (more on this later). I'm talking to another lawyer, a very good one. He reached out to me on reddit, actually, and it turns out he's a friend of a friend's and was able to deduce who i was from the posts. I was wrong when I thought my brother would back down. And I was an idiot for thinking he would give over Lou so calmly. I'm going to try and follow a timeline. The legal process is being handled but I'm upset and I guess this is a rant post and a self pity one or something.. Because I can;t stop crying. 5 days ago - I was home with Lou. She was watching a movie and I was working when the power cut off. We have scheduled hours here when the light is shut off but that wasn't in the schedule. I wasn't worried too much. My laptop was charged and I let her watch the movie on my laptop. I didn't really realize at that point that without the electricity my security cameras don't work. Long and tedious story short, my brother had turned off the breaker. He broke in. I shoved Lou into my room and made her lock the door. He beat me up. I think he would have killed me if my neighbors hadn't heard the commotion. Her father was home and he barged over (my door was open). He got my brother off of me and my neighbor (his daughter) called the police. This is where things got messy. I was bleeding. My face is still bruised and I can't put my weight on my left leg. My brother claimed that I had kidnapped Lou and was sexually abusing her and Josh and he was here to get her back. I had evidence that they had given Lou over willingly and when it came to abuse allegations, it was Lou's word against her brother and parents. Yes, apparently Josh parroted those words. The two policemen who showed up seemed suspicious when Lou kept clinging to me, refusing to go. I don't know how I was functioning in that moment but I managed to call my lawyer who dealt with most of it. I had to be taken to the hospital. It looks bad but I'm fine-ish. To all those who kept telling me to record conversations etc, thank you. His allegations and my SIL's words about Lou made a weak case. But it was enough for social services to get involved. They removed both Josh and Lou because I started talking. I had evidence, loads of it and I shoved it down their throats. I was still in my apartment at that point. I hadn't left for the hospital. I couldn't. Lou was crying. My lawyer was on his way. If I had gone I was scared they give Lou to my brother. (also when I say social services, its basically an equivalent of some child care organization generally. We don't have social services per say but this is a govt agency) I filed charges against my brother and the SS person was supposed to come day after but I had to go to the hospital. The police accompanied me and let me keep Lou by my side. I don't have any brown bones so I was discharged the next afternoon. I would like to point out that my parents visited and tried to take Lou with them but the policeman who was with me wouldn't let them. I was also protesting. I have to skip stuff here because I'm mentally drained right now. But the gist is that 4 days ago, I got a visit from this lady from SS who said that because of the allegations, they have to remove Lou from my care till the investigation is complete. My cousin stepped up and took her in. My parents took in Josh. This is ongoing. I don't know why they did this. I'm shaken beyond belief. I'm tired. I can still hear Lou crying in my ears. I don't know why. I wake up terrified at night thinking somebody is in the room. I've been sleeping with the lights on. A friend is sleeping over ever since this whole thing happened. One of my friends got me a small generator for my apartment which I can use to keep the security cameras running and the lights if the electricty is shut off. My SIL is telling everyone that I ab**** her children. My parents have called me but I've not answered. My lawyer wants me to go in for some evaluation. My brother is in jail because I pressed charges but I heard that my parents are going to post bail. My life feels like its gone to shit. ​ EDIT: Just want to say that right now I know this post sounds like 'me me me' but I feel like that right now. Lou is upset but she's safe with my cousin, his wife, and kids. She gets along with her cousins so I know she'll be in good hands. September 3, '22 Update - Small (slightly good) self.Mano_Mama3510 This is a small piece of good news. The SS lady came over this morning. She said that based on all the evidence her department has received and the interviews they have conducted from neighbors and teachers, they are confident my brother and SIL's claims are baseless. It's pretty damning evidence. The biggest factor was that they took both Lou and Josh and had a child psychologist evaluate them. They don't show signs of abuse and Josh ended up admitting what his parents had told him to say. Both kids have now been permanently removed from my brother and SIL's care. SS lady found it disturbing like many of you how SIL referred to Lou and they are considering terminating parental rights. That's what she said. The case is still going to be investigated further but since the accusation was verbal and not a filed report, she says it should be fine. I'm now allowed to visit Lou (supervised) and I'm taking some DIY craft stuff for her and her cousins and will stay over for a night. My cousin has been really supportive throughout which makes me feel better. I spent an hour facetiming Lou and she was happier. I set up a small shop online to sell these digital designs when she first moved in with me and she and I had been spending hours making them together. She's very artsy so I know she enjoyed it. She kept talking about her and her cousins (3 girls, her age group) have been drawing pretty designs and all three of them kept popping onto the screen. It just showed me that having her there long term might be the best solution. My cousin has mentioned that if things go the way they are going, he and his wife might consider adopting Lou. There;s more to this but while its a good thing, talking about it makes me a little sad so I'm just not for a while. Both he and his wife gave really good reasons which make sense. My brother lost his job which is something I didn't mention in my last post. Not just because he went to jail but because I blasted both him and SIL on social media, tagging their colleagues. That didn't go over well with my family. My parents showed up and had a lot to say. They didn't so much as ask me how I was doing physically. They kept saying I had destroyed my brothers family because I couldn't leave well enough alone. My lawyer was over at the time and he took great pleasure in kicking them out. So, yeah, that's where things are standing right now. I have a feeling I might never get Lou back but the family that she is with might be the best option, financially, and emotionally. I did book a meeting with a therapist today. It's going to be next week. A lot of you pointed out that I might be a little traumatized from the break in which is true. So, yeah. ​ I don't know much about Josh. I know none of this is his fault but a part of me resents him which isn't fair. I haven't reached out to him and I don't want to. My friends are telling me that once this whole thing is sorted, he will need someone by his side and if he stays with my parents, he'll go down the same path as my brother. I think they're suggesting I take him in when the time comes. I don't know. I don't want to. I can't forget how he told the SS that I had s* abused him. (My cousin has refused to take him in). So, a semi good update and sad. My cousin will come pick me up in a couple of hours. I got some DIY glass paint kits for the girls and some beads and strings for bracelets. September 19, '22 Update - Niece (and Nephew) So its been a while since my last update and I was pondering over whether to make this or not but I got a lot of requests for one so here goes. My name is cleared, legally, from every angle. Surprisingly it didn't take that much time. I had a sit down with Josh a few days ago and by that I mean, his school is near my house and I found him in front of my apartment building when I came home from my doctor's appointment last week. I didn't want to be alone with him so I asked my neighbor and her dad to linger about and I called my lawyer. I know I keep turning to him for every sneeze but I didn't know what to do. After the accusations, I simply didn't want to be alone with him. There was a lot of crying. I get that his entire family unit has been destroyed. He's feeling insecure in a way. He can't see his parents. For some reason, my parents have been blaming him for what happened. That pissed me off. This happened because they did a shitty job of raising their own son. Josh asked if he could stay with. me instead. Now the SS lady who is in charge of this case, wanted to keep Josh and Lou separate for some reason. My lawyer called her to tell her what was happening. She arrived at my apartment within an hour. I have to say you hear shit about these sort of people but this lady is super sweet. She listened to Josh and then to me, privately. I expressed my concerns. However, she said that it might be better to have Josh stay here than my parents. Now that is something that has me uneasy. I told her that and she told me that if I have security cameras inside, I should get them in every room if I am worried. But the child psychologist working with Josh has said he's under too much stress. His school work is suffering. He's not sleeping well. He feels safer here, despite everything. So now Josh is staying with me. I'm being normal with him but I guess I kind of messed up. When he tries to get a hug or something, I move away. I found him crying day before yesterday about this. I feel like shit for it. I told him to give me time and that I do love him. He's shaken beyond anything and he used to be loud and brash and now he's none of those things. He has circles under his eyes and he's always tired and just quiet. I'm talking to my therapist about it and he told me to let him in bit by bit. And that he faced his own sort of trauma. I've started being more physically affectionate like I used to be and that seems to make him relieved. It's just been a week so I hope he gets better. A lot of you told me to leave him be but when these two kids were born, I was there. I was very involved in their lives. He's asked about Lou and if he can see her but when I said not yet, he seemed to understand. He drew a card for her but I'm holding on to it for now. His psychologist says he feels guilty. There's a lot of guilty inside of him and he's not dealing with it well. I took him to the movies today. It was something he;d been waiting for for a while but he just slept through it all. I'm worried but his psychologist tells me to give him time and love. My parents were pissed by the way. As was my brother and SIL. I got phonecalls from all of them. SIL showed up at my house. I'm considering moving. It's just not safe. My entire family is losing their shit. I have apparently destroyed their reputation, an entire family, and etc. Lou is good. Lou is thriving. A two parent household is good for her, like many of you said. She used to call a lot but those calls have lessened over these past two weeks. Which is good for her i guess. She's adjusting. My cousin and his wife adore her. Her cousins like having her there. I started therapy. It's going okay. My leg is better and my face is looking less like a child went at it with crayons. I still have nightmares. But my focus is on Josh right now so that has me distracted. A note from your reposter: Seeing some questions in the comments about the timeframe. Remember they aren't in the US. OOP describes their home as a third world country. Also, it doesn't sound like this is a final, official placement. The kids have to be placed somewhere immediately where they are both physically and mentally safe. It doesn't seem odd to me that they had an immediate kinship placement. submitted by /u/KittenDealinMama to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Klabbage-Kobbler in r/entitledparents mood spoilers: infuriating Note: MLM = Multi Level Marketing ----- ORIGINAL POST - September 2022 This is a rant story. And I just need a place to vent this. I don't want to reveal any details that would get me recognized. Especially by my parents if they happen to be on Reddit. So please, no one ask for any details I don't already provide in this post. I'm 30-male, and my parents didn't really want kids. I was an only child, and pretty much an accidental pregnancy from what relatives have told me as my parents claimed that they were going to be child-free when they married. My childhood was initially good. But I think after I started growing out of the cute and adorable phase, my parents were less inclined to spend time with me. They both worked, and had their own business that they started together. That business was their life, and I was ALWAYS second fiddle to it! Any other close members of family like my grandparents lived states away, and I barely knew anything about them till I was an adult. So I had no other family around my entire childhood. I was practically raised by TV and my school teachers. My own birthdays by the time I became a teenager were often spent without my parents as they'd just give me some money and tell me to go out and buy whatever I wanted. It was more or less the same with Christmas, and sometimes even back to school shopping. We wouldn't have even had a Christmas tree after I turned 10 if it weren't for the fact I convinced my parents to buy a fake one I could build up and then take apart later every year. If I were to describe my parents. Think of them as those people who always wear black, drink lots of wine, and look down their noses at people. And the last I saw of my parents, they still looked and acted the same way. Although my father was always wearing a toupée now. When I turned 16 I asked my parents if I could work part time for them at their business. And they just told me they had no open positions or anything like that. They may as well have just come right out and said they didn't want me there. After I turned 18 my parents told me that since I was an adult, they expected me to move out as soon as I was able. I was working part time because I was still in high school. And I didn't have anywhere near enough saved for college. And not long after high school ended my parents told me to pack up and move out. They got an official eviction notice that gave me 30 days and everything. They didn't even help me move. I had to get help from a friend's dad who owns a truck. I ended up renting a crappy apartment and working retail. I had no real life experience and no time for college. Then after just a few months I got fired because my manager legitimately had it out for me and wrote me up for the stupidest things. I don't even remember what they were anymore. But I wasn't the only one the manager treated that way. I called corporate about it and so did a few other people. Corporate looked into the manager, and they were soon fired for various reasons. Not many of which I actually know since it was mostly kept quiet. But someone told me theft of cigarettes was a part of it. And the manager was a chain smoker. Corporate refused to rehire me and only said that they'd change the record to say I was laid off instead of terminated so my resume would still be clean. Guess they considered me damaged goods or something. I ended up going broke pretty fast because I was terrible at managing my own money and couldn't find steady employment. So I lost my apartment. I went back to my parents begging for help, but they refused to take me in. Not even for a little while to get back on my feet. I ended up homeless and living out of a tent in someone's back yard, in winter. My friends had all moved on to college, some in other states, and I was a broke kid taking whatever work I could to stay alive. My salvation came when one of the neighbors of my parents found out I was living out of a tent and offered to take me in for a little while so I wouldn't freeze. She helped me badger my parents into telling me how to get in touch with the other members of my estranged family. My parents did not want to say. My guess is out of fear of being judged for throwing their son out the way they did. But they coughed up the info and gave me a list of contact details. And then told me not to bother them ever again. I called my grandparents from my father's side of the family, and they were very surprised and happy to hear from me because they hadn't seen me since I was an infant. And I'm their only grandchild. My grandparents after finding out my situation, flew me over to live with them as soon as they could. They basically adopted me. My parents didn't even see me off at the airport despite being invited to. I had zero contact with them for pretty much a decade. My grandparents said they despised my parents for treating me so poorly, and legally disowned them by striking them from their wills. My parents I'm told were not happy to hear that. But also said it didn't really matter because they were plenty well off and didn't need anything from my grandparents. How wrong that statement turned out to be. After about a year of living with my grandparents I was able to afford to start going to community college. I got an associates degree, got a decent job thanks to a recommendation from my grandpa, and eventually my grandparents offered to sell me their house so they could retire to Arizona. My grandma wanted to live in a warmer climate as the cold winter was getting harder and harder on her health every year. I was sad to see them go. But I happily bought the house. They sold it to me for one-third it's value. And I'll have it paid off in a few more years. My job has me going away on the road periodically. So I can end up away from home for weeks at a time. Not that I mind the travel. I have no pets or a girlfriend, or anything like that. I wouldn't have time for them right now. But in a few years when I have some things in order I'll make time. I don't want to stay a lonely bachelor forever. Then one day in late 2020 I came home after being away for over two weeks, only to find a large white van I did not recognize in my driveway. I was getting ready to call police when I noticed the van had the logo from my parents' business on the side of it. And I felt dread. Yes my parents were there. They'd broken in somehow and were living out of my home. And they had the nerve to greet me like we were buddy/buddy the moment I walked in. I told them to get the hell out, and they refused because it was grandma and grandpa's house. I said it wasn't their house anymore. They'd sold it to me when they retired. They'd have known that if they were in any way involved with my life. But they threw me to the wolves ten years prior with no life experience. We argued and they refused to leave. My father told me it was his parents' house first. And that meant he and my mother had the right to live there if they wanted. I walked right into my bedroom, locked the door and called the police. When the cops showed up they were of no help. My parents claimed to them that they had already been there long enough to have residency, which was a complete lie. But I had no cameras to prove they weren't there a month. My neighbors had no cameras either. So it was my word against my parents over how long they'd really been there, and they were claiming squatter's rights. They told police they had a verbal rental agreement with me, and that I was trying to illegally evict them for no reason. My mother even put on the waterworks when saying that. The police told me it was a family dispute, and to file eviction with the courts to get them out. And this was in 2020. Getting to court for anything took longer because of the pandemic. Meanwhile my parents are squatting in my house rent free and rubbing it in my face. From the information I got out of them, their business went bankrupt and they sold off almost everything they had to pay their debts. All they had left was the van and a few personal belongings. So they expected to live in my house rent free for the foreseeable future. They were working too. Both of them soon got new jobs. My father as a delivery driver, my mother as a sales associate. They were making money, and the only things they contributed to was electricity and water utilities. Which was basically just handing me a $100 bill every month and saying I should be grateful they were paying me anything. Any time I tried to discuss proper rent with them, they just said I owed it to them to live rent free because I took 18 years of their lives. And it's not like they were demanding the money back for that time. Then threatened to stop helping with the utilities all together. I was so at my wits end that I ended up calling my grandparents to explain the situation to them. They were very unhappy, and spoke with my parents. But my parents still said they had the right to stay in my home. And refused to budge. My grandpa told me he was sorry it'd come to this. And that if they hadn't sold me the house, my parents wouldn't have invaded. I told him not to worry. I'd already filed for a legal eviction, and would get it soon enough. And my parents already knew that they were on borrowed time. I made sure to say that in earshot of my parents too. They responded with the silent treatment. My father was away most of the time driving a delivery vehicle 6 days a week, which was a job really not to his liking. And my mother basically tried to take over my house in her spare time. She demanded I let her rearrange my living room, and even tried to force me to give her and my father the master bedroom, because they were my parents, and they deserved better, as she put it. I vetoed both of those things and said they don't deserve better, and to stop trying to act like I owe them anything. I didn't ask to be born. And it's a normal obligation for parents to raise their own children. And all they were doing was trying to assert dominance to try and keep me from kicking them out. Finally after four months and now into early 2021, I managed to take my parents to court over their squatting. We only needed to go to court because they fought the eviction and tried to gaslight me into rescinding it. They tried to use the fact it was formerly my grandparents' house, and the fact that they were giving me $100 a month as some sort of leverage of residency. But there was no real rental agreement. And they were smart enough not to try and forge one as that would have been fraud. So the judge ordered that they needed to be out in a maximum of 30 days because they have zero claim on my house. After court they confronted me and said they were disappointed in me for kicking out my own flesh and blood. I couldn't help but laugh and called them hypocrites because that's exactly what they did to me without a care in the world for my well-being. They had no love for me, so I have no love for them. I owed them nothing. They just tried to act like everything that was mine is theirs. But they had no right to call themselves my parents because they've never really acted like it. I called them a pair of snobby lying narcissists to their faces, and told them to get their affairs in order. Because they already know I won't hesitate to call police if they don't leave my house when the 30 days are over. My father looked enraged. But my mother stopped him from saying or doing anything by grabbing his shoulder and shaking her head. He sneered at me and walked away. They left. But not without a lot of tension. That final month was spent with them either guilting me to try and make me change my mind, or completely ignoring me. I put up a calendar in the living room and checked off each day before they had to leave with a red marker. And the exact day they were to be out was marked with a big red circle. I still remember that final day was March 2nd. My parents waited until the exact day they had to leave my home for good before they finally left. Even when all their stuff was out of the house and they were sleeping on the floor in the guest room for a few days. Since they were so convinced they could make me let them stay, they didn't bother to try and look for an apartment until after the court eviction went through. And my mother spent weeks scrambling to find an apartment. They had to get a tiny and crappy studio apartment in the next city over because it was the only thing they could find on such short notice. A lot like what I had to do when I was 18. Quite ironic. I drove my mother over to see it once, and the apartment was terrible. The walls were baby barf green, the carpet looked like it was 20 years old, the only window just had a view of a brick wall outside, there was no dishwasher, the stove was the smallest one I'd ever seen, and the toilet looked like it really needed to be replaced. The walls also did little to stop noise from neighbors. There was already two people loudly fighting in the adjacent apartment while we were there. My mother went out of her way to try and give me sad looks while dropping hints that I should be feeling guilty that I was reducing them to live in such a place. But I just acted oblivious to it all until she finally stopped. They signed the lease right away and moved what little stuff they had into the apartment over the weekend. They also ended up demanding the queen size bed, dresser and flat screen TV from my guest room. I told them to just take the damn things because I no longer wanted them in the house after they spent 5 months sleeping in that room. They looked at me like I was treating them as though they were diseased and demanded nothing more. The moment they had to leave for good, I started changing the locks on all exterior doors. All their stuff was at the apartment, and they'd spent their last night in my guest room. They watched me start ripping the old lock off the front door as they were getting into the van. They said nothing, I said nothing. But they just sat and watched me for a while until I had the new door knob on. Then they finally left. I breathed a massive sigh of relief the second that van went down the road. I figured karma had finally come for them, and they could live under a rock for all I cared. But nope, my grandparents heard from them recently. They'd called them to brag that had a new business similar to their old one in the same state as I'm living in now. And they are basically on track to be right back to where they used to be in life prior to the pandemic. Which was making good money and looking down on others. I've already googled their new business. And it seems like it's doing well. They have many positive reviews and everything. I'm pretty friggin resentful truth be told. They put me through being homeless, squatted for next to free at my house for months, then went right back to being the snobby wine drinking business people they used to be. If karma is real, it's taking too damn long. EDIT: I would like to thank everyone for all the constructive advice. And many of the points that are being made on selling the house I'm realizing have merit. I've asked my grandparents if it'd be a good idea if I moved closer to them. They told me that if I wanna sell the house, then to go right ahead. My parents will have no clue where I am if I move away. So I'm heavily considering it now. I'm gonna see if the company I work for can transfer me down south. I think I wouldn't mind the warmer climate anyway. I've hated winter since the time I had to live in a tent. I don't have many friends where I currently am as I'm kind of a loner. So it wouldn't be too hard to start over somewhere farther away. I'm attached to this house. But it's not like I grew up in it. So I will consider moving. Yes I understand the need for more cameras, and will be looking into that. As for those wondering how my parents broke in and fooled police. Well it's stupidly simple. My parents got in through a window I forgot to lock. They just pulled the screen off and opened it to get right in. Then they found my spare house keys I kept hanging on a hook near the kitchen and copied them. When claiming squatter's rights to police as well as saying we had a prior verbal agreement, my parents presented working house keys to the cops and lied their little asses off saying I'd let them move in. My parents had also already filed for an address change with the DMV online before I'd even gotten home, and showed police a printout of that they'd made. And said that their new IDs with my address were soon to be in the mail. The cops just looked annoyed, told me it was a domestic issue, and to file to evict them like a "normal" person. I wish I'd gotten their badge numbers to report them. Small Addition: Yes my parents had their mail redirected to my house. Which is another thing they used to claim residency. The thing is that if they'd lived in my house for more than 30 days with permission, squatter's rights would make them tenants. They claimed they had my permission and used every dirty trick at their disposal to convince police they had the right to be there. There was no way for them to confirm or deny how long my parents had been living in the house. And it turned into a situation of everybody pointing fingers and police didn't know who to believe. That's why I had to go to court to evict them. I did refuse to give my parents the wifi password while they lived with me though since they were not contributing to that utility. However they just used their smartphones to run a mobile hot spot and got internet that way the whole time they were squatting in my house. Those of you saying that I should leave bad reviews, or expose my parents' past. There really is no point. I'm gonna take the high road there and just forget about them. However if they committed fraud to start that new business of theirs. Then I'll get some popcorn when that comes back on them. Because they'd inevitably call someone for help. EDIT 2: For those who don't believe the 30 day thing with squatters. Here's a direct USA law on the matter: In most areas, anyone who lives on your property for more than 30 days with permission can claim rights as in the eyes of the law they become your tenants. When this happens you will usually need to carry out an eviction procedure. However, in the case where permission was never given and an unoccupied property is forcibly entered and lived in, there are still rules you must follow. My parents falsified permission and lied about how long they'd been in my house. That's why it took 5 months to get rid of them. Now you know. ------ UPDATE – 5 days later Well I decided to make some inquiries and spent a couple of days asking around the family about how my parents got their new business off the ground. It's pretty unusual that they were able to come back from bankruptcy and get a new business started in under two years. No it's not an MLM for those who thought so. Even my parents wouldn't resort to doing that crap. They undoubtably think MLMs are beneath them. My parents' new business is comparatively smaller than their previous one too. I'd say about half the size. Before they had at least two employees. Now it's just the two of them. Someone pointed out I should be watching my credit for identity theft. I already was and have been since I first started dealing with my parents squatting in my house. I put nothing past them. And they knew it. Honestly though, I'm not sure they even bothered to remember my legal information in the past decade anyway. Hell, I'm not sure they bothered to even remember how to spell my first name. But I did lock down my credit. And there has been no unusual activity on it at all. So my parents didn't try to steal their company funds from me at least. My paternal grandparents, or my good grandparents one would say, are the ones who actually give a damn about me. And they have no idea where my parents got their money to open up shop again. My parents have called them numerous times since they disinherited my father, and they have been refusing to take their calls since they called to brag about their new success a while ago. It's clear my parents had no help from my father's side of the family. So then what about my mother's? Well I still had that old list of contacts my parents gave me filed away. And on that list was the land line number for my maternal grandmother. I did try calling my maternal grandmother back when I was homeless. She did not give a damn. I've never met them in person, but my maternal grandparents are a lot like my parents. Guess my father truly found his soulmate with my mother. As a previous commenter pointed out, they were made for each other. I managed to get in touch with my maternal grandmother once again. And not only was she long divorced from her husband, my maternal grandfather is no longer alive. That was news to me. But he passed away seven months ago. And he left my mother a sizable inheritance. So yeah, that's where they got the money to open up shop again. My maternal grandmother sounded so proud of them too. She had little interest in speaking of much else. And it's likely why my parents called my grandparents to brag about how they are so successful again. They wanted to rub salt in the wound since my good grandparents cut them off. I really don't care though, and neither do my good grandparents. Everyone on my paternal side of the family all say my parents can go kick rocks. They want nothing to do with them. I'm not the only one my parents have jaded. My mother's side of the family are full of divorcees and drunken loners who all hate each other and just pretend to act civil. My father's side are what I'd call just very normal and nice people. My father though burned bridges time and time again. When I was born my grandparents wanted to be in my life. But for some reason my parents kept me from them. Why they did this I'm not entirely sure. But I think it's because they didn't want to be judged on their own parenting. I'd have been happier of they'd sent me to boarding school, or to live with my grandparents. But I guess narcissists aren't truly happy if they don't have someone else to put down. I can only imagine the stuff they said about me behind my back my entire life. Either way it seems my parents did nothing illegal to open up a new business. Nothing that can be reported to something like the IRS anyway. No law against using funds from inheritance as seed money to self employment. My mother, like me was an only child. So she got everything when her father died. Including his house and land. That's where my parents are living now. I've seen a photo my maternal grandmother sent me. Not the nicest house. But not bad. Comparable to my own I'd say. But it means my parents have a place to live scot free now, and likely won't need to bother me again. I want to sell my house and move. But it turns out the company that I'm in the employ of has no branch in Arizona. So it's either I quit and look for new employment in Arizona after selling my house. Or I just stay where I am and hope my parents leave me alone. I'm looking into job searching, because I really don't want my parents to ever find me again. I won't move if it's not feasible. But I'd prefer to be able to. It'd be moot to bother getting more cameras for the house if I want to sell it ASAP. But if I end up stuck here because of not being able to find another job in Arizona in the coming months, then I might as well get cameras installed inside and out. I've gotten a lot of good advice on the kinds of cameras to get, and where to put them. I kind of doubt the same situation will ever repeat. But I just don't want my parents to ever try to seek me out again for any reason. If they need help when they're old, I'm not gonna care. They'll get what they gave, NOTHING! They're dead to me for the rest of my life. And the rest of my father's side of the family say the same. If I ever become a parent or stepparent, I'll make damn sure I never become like my parents. No child deserves that. ------ Reminder - I am not the original poster! submitted by /u/glueckskind11 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I’ve named this tale The Long Game, since it actually spans over the course of several years leading to the satisfying conclusion. Also, because its a long story. I’ll understand if you skip this one for a shorter one. Several years ago I was in desperate need of a job. I was recently released from active duty in the US Army under a medical discharge, met my girlfriend (who is currently my wife) who moved in with me with her two small children from a previous marriage, and I was bouncing around from dead end job to dead end job. I had very little real world skills to offer to employers so my options were limited. I took a chance and interviewed with a small security company and was immediately hired. They liked that I was prior service, grilled me with questions only a veteran would know, and sent me to work on their biggest contract. I was on a site of a massive multi-million dollar construction location. A large named oil company was building a new headquarters and well... massive construction project just doesn’t seem like a big enough description. As security, a bulk of our responsibility was checking and vetting all construction workers and contractors through the gate, inspect vehicles for possible stolen property, and generally serve as a deterring force. To put it simply, everyday my gate alone would process about 1-2 thousand cars during my 8 hour shift. The site was running 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to meet the very tight construction schedule. I was only on one of 3 gates so thats about 3-6 thousand cars that came on site every day in an 8 hour period. Massive construction site. (As a side note that will become very important later in the story, each car that came through had to undergo a strict inspection when the driver is FIRST assigned to work on the site. Then the vehicle gets a sticker and is allowed to drive onto the construction site. We would ensure the car has the sticker, and then just process everyones badge through a verification machine. If all badges passed, and the car had a sticker, then we would let the contractors on site so they can get to work.) Working there was great. All the security were ex-military so, beyond a little teasing about who they served with, everyone bonded really well. We didn’t have sick days or vacations days, so when people would call off for personal reasons or illness, everyone happily chipped in to make up the lost hours. And, because of this teamwork, our big boss overlooked the call offs and let us make overtime money. No write ups, no punishments. Sometimes we were working 16 hour shifts back to back. I spent many nights sleeping in the parking garage in between shifts because it was easier than driving home, to sleep a few hours, only to come back to work for another 16 hour day. We were in outdoor conditions in all weather, and were on our feet on concrete the entire time. Sitting down was a luxury that we rarely saw. We couldn’t leave the gate for any reason unless we were relieved by a supervisor who would try to come by twice during an 8 hour shift to let you go to the port-o-potty or quickly eat your lunch. Rain, harsh summer heat, bug storms (yes thats a thing), hail... you were out by your gate with no protection other than a construction hard hat. I know these sound like horrendous conditions but really, it was the best job I ever had. Because of the conditions it was no wonder that 95% of the employees were male. We tried hiring females but most would last a few days before quitting. Those people who did not quit in a few days were lifers and loved the job. The problems began about 3 months into the job. One of the supervisors was quitting to go back to school so a position opened up. Everyone was given an opportunity to apply for the supervisor position. I was encouraged by the night shift supervisor (who was the one quitting) to go for the promotion because he thought I would be a good replacement for him, even though I was the newest officer on the site and had the least amount of experience. So, I threw in my hat just for laughs. Two other people applied. One was a guy who had obvious seniority. The other was a girl (one of three on the site) who had been there for about a year. We were given a face to face interview with the boss. We’ll call him Jim. My interview went well and Jim liked that I was ambitious. Jim was also the guy who accepted me onto the site in the first place. The next phase of testing was a practice run as a temporary supervisor. We were each given a day to be the supervisor in charge. Jim was there, along with a junior Supervisor named... Ray, yeah, thats a good name for him. (For clarification, Ray did not want the promotion and was happy performing his regular duties) both were present just incase situations occurred that was beyond our ability to handle they were standing by to assist. My test day went well. I finished all tasks assigned to me and I even managed to handle a minor emergency on my own. The other two applicants apparently didn’t do to well... The senior guy kept forgetting his list of tasks he was given to accomplish and kept going back to the office to ask Jim what he should do next. The Girl did ok, but every time she would check up on the guards she would flaunt around her temporary rank, make employees call her “ma’am”, and bragging about how she was definitely going to be getting the promotion. Imagine her shock when I was given the position as the new night shift supervisor. To say she was angry was an understatement. Apparently she was so upset that she didn’t get the promotion that she called me on my personal cell phone. She stole my number from the supervisor emergency phone. To add to the situation, I had not yet been informed I got the promotion. Nothing official had been put out just yet. Not a direct quote but paraphrasing as best as I can: Me: hello? Girl: How does it feel? Me: um... who’s this? Girl: what? You don’t know? I thought supervisors are supposed to know EVERYTHING! Me: (very confused) You called OP, I think you may have the wrong number. Girl: I know who I called! Don’t pretend like you don’t know. You got the promotion because you’re all sexists pigs! Me: I got the promotion? Cool! Girl: That promotion was supposed to be mine but I guess since Im not in the bro-club they just gave it to you. If you don’t resign the position to me I’m going to tell HR about all this sexism and you’ll all be fired! Me: What sexism? I got the position by passing the tests. Isn’t it sexist to assume you should get the promotion only because you happen to be born a female? Isn’t that act alone sexist? Girl: But only men get promoted to leadership positions!!! Me: 95% of the site is male! Odds are males are going to get promoted. Sorry you didn’t make the cut but none of this is my problem. So I hung up the phone and called both Jim and Ray to inform them about the call. I was assured that I was promoted, they didn’t know how she found out, and they were going to file harassment on my behalf to HR for her stealing my phone number from the work phone and contacting me with threats. And thats where the story SHOULD end. But oh no fellow readers... it has only just begun. Now would be a good time to get some popcorn and a drink. So about two to three months roll by and I’m getting into the role of Supervisor. Girl, has since been removed from the site, and the employees are really happy that Im the new supervisor and that Girl is gone. Things continue as normal and I begin bonding with my staff. I especially bond with a guard that no one liked. His name for this story is Victor. Victor is a marine veteran, he was in the initial invasion of Iraq and developed severe PTSD. It makes him very confrontational, argumentative, and a super big A-hole to anyone who talks to him. I liked the guy from the get go and we quickly became close friends. Every night I would hang out with him between my duties and we would talk. I eventually convinced him to seek help from the Veterans Association, and go to PTSD counseling. He was also going to school to get his Masters degree (Thanks to Ray who convinced him to not give up on his education) and would just need to vent sometimes. I was that vent. He would blow up at me, yell and scream, and when he was done we would hug it out. It was therapy for him and I didn’t mind. All seemed to be going well until one day I came to visit with Victor. What I didn’t know was that Victor was pulling a 16 hour shift and actually worked the afternoon and the night shift. So when I showed up to work he had already been there a majority of the day. He asked me if I spoke with Jim recently. I hadn’t. Apparently Jim didn’t show up to work today. A few days go by and well... Jim mysteriously disappeared. After 3 or 4 days of his disappearance, Ray called an emergency meeting with the supervisors. In attendance was myself, Ray, and another supervisor from the second shift who is not important and does not require a fictional name. The meeting was to try and figure out what happened to Jim. We pooled our knowledge together and decided the best course of action was to contact the main headquarters branch to see if they knew something. He wasn’t answering the phone when we called him so we feared he was in the hospital and no one bothered to tell us. When we called we were given the run around, but eventually an HR rep who was friends with Ray spilled the beans. Jim had quit the job. Girl (from earlier) apparently made good on her threats. After she was kicked out of the site, she got ahold of a lawyer and began the process of suing the company. Not only for sexism and favoritism, but also sexual harassment. As it turned out, Jim was a lonely man. Girl and Jim began flirting and eventually sexting... and the idiot used the company supervisor cell phone to do it. She not only had copies of the messages, but when the company dug into the phone records they had all the evidence needed to see she was not lying. There were pictures... lots of pictures. Girl was brilliant. Evil, but brilliant. She knew that the old supervisor was going to go back to school eventually so she began flirting with Jim. She pursued him. Each conversation in person she would be flirtatious, rubbing him and even having sex with him. On the phone, however, she played coy and made him take charge. In the end, the evidence looked like he pressured her to have sex with him... and promised a promotion (in a bout of pillow talk and before anyone knew that the position was going to be open) to her in exchange for sex acts. At the time it was role play, but now it appears like this was all part of her insurance plan to get promoted for real. That was more than enough for the company to do something. When Jim caught wind what was happening he took off. This left us without a boss, and worse, in order to avoid a lawsuit, the company rehired Girl to her old position, replanted her on our site, paid her enough money to cover her missed salary plus a bonus and a raise, and promised to get more females on the site and on supervisor positions. This was enough to satisfy Girl so she dropped the lawsuit. As the only form of authority on the site, we three supervisors took it upon ourselves to run the site as best as we could until a new boss was assigned to help us or one of us was promoted to the position. Almost two months went by and Girl was a huge nuisance. She was constantly calling off her shift at the last minute and since everyone didn’t like her, no one was willing to cover her shift. We attempted to write her up for the situation but she quickly threw it back in our face and threaten to call her lawyer for harassment. After all, “none of the male employees get written up when they call off... obviously this is sexism and boys club all over again.” She pushed her luck too far one day, however, and severely disrespected one of the oil company representatives during his visit. He had her permanently removed from the site. When the security company tried to take her side (for fear of another lawsuit) he said either Girl is gone or he’ll get another security company to take over the contract. The company gave in and moved her to another site. But even though Girl was now out of our lives forever, the absolute nightmare she started was still forming overhead. The company finally found a suitable replacement for Jim, that was also female to satiate the terms set forth by Girls lawyer. Our new boss was named... well, i have lots of names for that sea hag but for now I’ll refer to her as Tasha. Tasha was a handful from the get go. As the new boss she was working on the site for nearly two weeks before she ever introduced herself to either the second shift supervisor or myself (i still worked nights). What boss does that? Two weeks before you introduce yourself to the supervisors? It took her another month to eventually meet all the guards. The site was busy but it wasn’t that big. Already she was off to a bad start. She was also non-military and didn’t seem respect the fact that every guard and supervisor was a military vet. Most of us served in war zones, lived in the dirt, and were very self sufficient. She saw everyone as a brainless meat head who needed CONSTANT supervision. The term micro-manager isn’t strong enough of a description to understand the level of hands on she needed to have. And it probably would have been much different if she was improving things, or making things more efficient... but she was barely able to perform the simplest tasks, made constant poor decisions, and just kinda ticked everyone off whenever she was around. We three supervisors tried to train her and bring her up to speed with the site but she wouldn’t hear any of our advice. After about another week or so from her introduction to everyone she began to get worse. We started seeing a ton of write ups flooding across our desks. Like, dozens and dozens for a single employee. And the write ups, while technically correct, were of the most petty things imaginable. Her favorite was writing up employees for breaking uniform regulations. You have a stray string on your uniform? Write up. Shoes dirty? Write up. A haircut she didn’t like? Write up. Glasses smudged? Write up. The best was her writing up a guard because his uniform was wet... because it was raining outside, and we were not allowed to seek shelter because of our duties. Every gate had a “guard shack” available. It was a small space with just enough room for a chair and a table to write on. It had a small A/C and a mini-fridge to keep water, Gatorades, and our lunch cold. But no one could use the guard shacks because they were so far away from the gates. Still within eyesight, but we had to physically badge in vehicles and employees and the verification machine was set up next to the gate. When you swipe a badge, a green or red light flashes and it makes a little beep sound to say wether or not someone is allowed on property. But if you’re in the guard shack you can’t physically hear the beep (reminder, this is a construction site) nor can you see the lights because the lights face the vehicle. So you have to stand there and swipe the badge and physically look at the lights to know wether or not to let anyone in. Also, remember the car stickers? They were positioned on the windshield so you can’t see them from a shack 30 feet away from the gate. And because of the massive volume of cars coming and going, there just wasn’t any time to walk to the guard shack, much less sit down. We tried to explain that to Tasha who just didn’t seem to care. It also became very clear that she was focusing on one guard at a time. Every write up and disciplinary meeting was laser focused on one individual. Eventually that person would get so sick of the harassment that they would quit. As soon as they were gone she would focus on another guard. The entire site went from a dream job to the most hostile work environment i’ve ever bore witness too. I served 10 years in the Army and served three tours to Afghanistan. I served under some of the most idiotic leadership imaginable, people who only got promoted because they were in the army soooo long that eventually they would get promotions. Ask a Veteran, they’ll understand what I mean. And all that time, all those dead end jobs with king of the tiny pond managers i used to work for, were NOTHING in comparison to Tasha. After two months under her reign 12 employees quit... including Ray. Yes, apparently supervisors were also under fire. I feel that I’m obligated at this point to mention that Ray is the best damn leader I’ve ever had the luxury of working with. Even though he was technically under me, he was and is the most professional man I have ever known. Period. Everyone on site respected him, everyone would have followed him to Hell and back, everyone loved Ray. Even when I was promoted above him, instead of being petty he encouraged me to do better. He trained me and became a role model to myself and many others on the site. Including Victor. Remember him from earlier? The PTSD guy that no one liked. Apparently he had two friends in this world. Me and Ray. And now Ray was bullied out of his job. Protip: Never fuck with a Marine. Especially one who has nothing left to lose. To put into context how bad this really is, no one quit the company before Tasha took over. Some people left to better opportunities, or were new hires who couldn’t hack it, but overall people had worked on that site since construction began 5 years prior. Some people had been with the company going on 10 years. These were the people she was going after and who she forced to quit. I had quit smoking for three years and things got so bad everyone started smoking again, even myself. You would think with as many people quitting that we would have a worker shortage but then you would be mistaken. As soon as someone quit, the next day the position was filled again. But 2nd shift supervisor and myself quickly learned that these people were not ex-military. These people were moody, had very bad attitudes with other guards and the many contractors we were dealing with on a daily basis. They were lazy, would often hide in the guard shacks and would not verify wether or not cars could enter the site. They were messy (both in personality and their surroundings) and generally what one would consider horrible employees. We called Ray to see if he could contact his HR buddy to find out where these people were coming from. And here is where the story gets even worse... Remember when old boss Jim took off? Well, someone had to take the fall for the sexism lawsuit that was forming. So the company terminated another employee. That employee was responsible for staffing the oil company contract. He was also responsible for hiring veterans and verifying them. Remember the questions I was asked at the beginning of this story that only a veteran would know the answers to. Yep, that guy. He was gone. So unfortunately no more veterans were selected from the hiring pool and sent our way. He was terminated because he originally hired Jim. As it turned out, Tasha (the new terror boss) was actually in charge of an office building contract in another part of the city. She lost the contract to that building and herself and all her guards were now in limbo and out of a job. Some of the guards were issued to new contracts but pay in security is usually pretty lousy. Normally about minimum wage. But our job paid very well. $15 an hour to start off because the company was supposed to offer it only to ex-military guards due to the site contract. I discovered years later that Tasha actually lost the building contract not because the contract ended naturally, but because she and her guards were useless that the building hired other people to do their jobs. The person in charge of contracts... was sleeping with Tasha. They covered up the contract loss so she can still have a job. Oh, and since military guy got fired during the lawsuit... Tasha’s fuck buddy took over his responsibilities. Hence, Tasha got another site contract, a pay raise, and was selected only because she was female and sleeping with the contract guy. Hows that for ironic sexism? And... it gets better... and the write ups and harassment on our site were a ruse to get the Veterans to quit their jobs, forcing the company to fill the spot with whoever was available due to a loophole clause in the oil company contract. It basically allowed the security company to staff open positions with non-military employees in an emergency employee shortage incident. And guess who the new lazy employees were? Yep, the old guards that served under Tasha, who were so bad at their job that they lost their own contract. But why them? Because they were requested, by name, by the largest contract supervisor Tasha. One by one I watched my fellow veterans and employees fall under attack and quit, only to be replaced by useless people and backstabbing thugs. I really could go on, there is a TON that happened during that time period, but its well past the time for some Malicious Compliance. I was the next to be targeted... and I was the next to quit. The malicious compliance, unfortunately was not caused by myself initially. But, by Victor who now watched his second and only friend quit from the job site. Victor is my god damn hero. After I left I started working for another security company. Ironically, the guy who hired me was Jim. My direct supervisor? Ray!!! We three were back together again and worked for another oil/gas company. The pay was awesome and info was shared about Jim getting set up for the fall and what not. We tried to get Victor to quit his job and join us at the new company... but the old marine was on one last mission. Remember those car stickers? Well, as it turned out, Victor had a super power. For whatever reason, he was able to spot forged stickers from across the gate. Ok, so forged stickers? Yep, they were a problem. The construction site had very limited parking and safety regulations were put in place that only licensed drivers could come onsite. The cars also had to pass crazy tests in order to meet the safety regulation compliance. The problem is that construction companies and sub-contractors often hire illegal workers, or people with criminal history, or people who just have crapy cars that probably aren’t registered or even inspected by the state. No one really cared, but without licensing they could not drive onsite. So, someone began forging car stickers and selling them to all the people who would not legally be able to get them. At first they were crude, obviously crayon on tape. If you glanced at it, it was passable but any close inspection would reveal that the sticker was fake. If a fake sticker was found, regulation stated that the car must be pulled over, and a security supervisor would need to be contacted. The security supervisor would have to get ahold of the site foreman, a supervisor from the fake sticker driver, and a police officer who would remove the sticker and permanently remove the employee from the site forever. Now, because all the replacement guards were really bad at their jobs, the fake sticker business was in full swing. They were getting better, laser printed on vinyl, and nearly indistinguishable from the real stickers. But Victor was now on a mission. He took a position at the main entry gate and began pulling over as many cars as he could with the fake stickers. He pulled over sooo many that a security supervisor (Tasha) was assigned to be nearby at all times. The site had to hire an additional police officer and the Site Forman had a permanent representative at the gate... Everyday Victor was pulling over car after car. He started training some of the least useless guards how to do it and what to look for. It became a HUGE nuisance for Tasha but she technically couldn’t do anything about it because he was following the site rules to the letter. After a month of aggressive crackdown on the fake sticker problem, the Oil company representatives held a special meeting with Tasha and Victor to plead with him to stop. He had singlehandedly removed so many construction workers and contractors that many companies were pulling their long term contracts with the oil company. Construction came to a sudden halt, and the oil company was hemorrhaging tons of money to either keep on contractors or find new ones willing to pick up the job where others left off. Best of all, the construction should have been WAY ahead of schedule so the Oil Company sold their old headquarters to someone else in the expectation to move into the newly constructed headquarters. However, incompetent security replacements were not checking vehicles exiting the properly and thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of tools and construction supplies were stolen, causing massive set backs. Then, the sticker fiasco cause any progress that was still going on to come to a sudden halt. The Oil Company now had to pay and greatly inflated rent at their old headquarters because the building was sold but they had nowhere to send the employees!!! So the new owners let them stay and jacked up the rent so high that it was causing the oil company to lose massive revenue and stocks were beginning to drop. During the meeting Victor only asked one question, “So, are you changing the regulation to state that illegal drivers are now allowed onsite?” Of course they didn’t change it. They couldn’t and Victor knew it. The meeting came to a close. Victor returned to his gate and continued his mission. After a few days, an accident occurred onsite. The blame was the drivers, but the buck was passed to Victor who became the fall guy and he was terminated from the security company. Everyone knew it was Bullshit and that he was obviously the scapegoat... but Victor didn’t care. He waged his war, and in my eyes, he won. So thats the end of the Malicious Compliance and if you made it this far then good on you. I hope you enjoyed this slice of my life and I leave you with a wish: I hope the best of your past is worst of your future. If you’re still here then you’ll be pleased to know there is a little justice in the world. Victor left security permanently. He finished school with honors and got his Masters degree. He also took my advice and sought help for his PTSD. He ended up getting 90% disability from the VA and gets a fat check every month. He technically does not have to work anymore but took a job as a maintenance supervisor at the local city college. He is doing much better mentally and is looking forward to buying his second home. We still talk regularly and is considered a very close friend of mine. Jim, Ray and I worked together for years at another security company. Jim left that company for better pay at a different security company and has only spoken to me once since his departure. From what I hear, he got married and is doing well. Ray took over as a contract manager for an even different security company much closer to his residence. He is still happily married and adopted his two nephews to raise along side of his son. We still talk semi regularly and go drinking at least once a year with Victor. I became a big time security supervisor at the company and have only recently left due to political conflict. I now am an HVAC technician and me and the wife are doing well. And what of Tasha? Well... she was eventually fired for the hell she caused. It took years to unravel the drama but eventually karma caught up to her. Jim called me once (after he left to work somewhere else) and warned me that Tasha was looking for a job in a new security company. He just denied her application when he realized who she was based on the stories Ray and I told him. She then interviewed for the position at my company. Guess who did all employee hiring? This guy! I had another officer send her into my office. She walked in all dressed up, smiling and ready to do her interview... then she saw me. Her smile faded and she walked out without ever saying anything. I then made a call to Ray and gave him a heads up that she was out there. Several weeks go by and she walked in to interview with Ray. He told me that when she saw him she broke down crying. She confessed that since she was terminated she has been unable to find a job. Everyone who interviews her just so happens to be an ex-military veteran who used to work on an oil company construction site. She was losing her home, her husband left her and took her kids (he found out about the contract guy she was sleeping with), she was living out of her car... she pleaded him for a job. And Ray, the most professional man I had ever met, was an ex-marine. He knew what happened to Victor, about how she threw him under a bus. He told her to beat sand, and to tell Satan “hi” for him when she goes to hell. Protip: Never mess with a Marine. —————— Edit for added info and concerns: Firstly, thank you all for the overwhelming response. I figured my story would be overlooked and possibly read by a handful of people. I never would have imagined I would get this kind of response. Thank you all for the awards, the updoots, and the kind words. It really means a lot to me and yes, I read them all. Wish I could respond to everyone but I can only say “thank you” so many times before it loses its sincerity. But thank you to everyone. Also, I will pass on your good wishes to Ray and Victor the next time I talk to them. Secondly, few commentators correctly noted that this story is very one sided and sexist against the female employees. I’m just popping this here to address their concern on a few points: 1) The female character named Girl should have a real name and not just labeled as a gender. You’re right. Didn’t even think about it while I was writing this and frankly I don’t care enough about her to justify giving her an identification. If this upsets you then I understand and accept your criticism without any negativity on my end. 2) This is a boys club, all females in the story are depicted as evil or were oppressed, ect... the story most certainly had that vibe and really that wasn’t my intention. Consider it a big oversight on my part. The whole story is incredibly long and there were so many people involved that if I got detailed it would be like a marvel movie. In fact the persons Girl and Tasha were the only females on the site that were a problem and were not liked. We had other female officers on site that were well respected and were treated just as equally as everyone else. One female in particular tried to be a huge help to us and she was one of the replacements. She was an ex-police officer from Chicago who helped us legally build a case of workplace harassment and even coached us on how to lead the investigation. The case was ignored and nothing productive came of it. Its a story all on its own so I excluded it due to length. 3) Jim was not a victim. You are correct. What he did is idiotic and an abuse of power. I will not argue with you there. However, note that I don’t talk to Jim anymore. There are reasons for that and the fact that his loins caused numerous people grief and sorrow is a big factor. What he did was reprehensible. However, Girl using the sexual relationship to push her own agenda also negates her being able to claim victimhood. If she was a victim, she should have sued instead of going right back to a company that allowed this to happen. At least, thats my opinion which really means nothing. 4) If this story offends you then too bad. Hate to be the jerk but I can’t change events that happened in real life to suite your political correctness. Things happened, and as the world crumbles around you sometimes the moral compass get spun. It’s not an excuse, just a very sad fact of life that is highlighted when you are trying to claw your way out of a shitty situation. Either way, thank you for everything and I’m greatly humbled by you all. submitted by /u/Noodle013 to r/MaliciousCompliance [link] [comments]

This year I went to see 192 different movies in theaters, plus one rewatch. That's up from 162 in 2018, 140 in 2017, 9 in 2016, and 5 in 2015. I usually go 3 or 4 times per week, mostly on weekends. I keep track of dates/theaters/movies/ratings for fun and save all of the stubs. My ratings are what I give the movie right after seeing it, with no real 'checklist' or anything, mostly just initial thought/enjoyment/opinion. It's not meant to be taken super seriously, I'm not a professional reviewer. This is my full ranking for the year, from favorite to least-favorite, with a few small reviews/thoughts thrown in: Monos - 10/10 - Hands-down my favorite movie of the year and honestly high on my all-time list. It's Apocalypse Now meets Lord of the Flies, with some Beasts of No Nation thrown in. It builds a unique, lived-in world that's believable and brutal. Beautifully-filmed, some of the best shots of the year (the ending shot gets seared in your mind). Modern and grounded look at a militia/cartel fighting against an unnamed enemy in a Colombian jungle. It almost feels post-apocalyptic instead of 'cartel vs government', which I really loved. You get to imagine your own backstory as the story unfolds. Unforgiving and gut-wrenching, but hopeful too. Got a lot out of its cast. Can't recommend this movie enough. Really disappointed this didn't make the Best Foreign Language Film shortlist. "Masterpiece" gets thrown around a lot, but in my mind this is the only one this year. Marriage Story - 10/10 The Farewell - 10/10 Journey to a Mother's Room - 9/10 - Biggest surprise of the year, came out of nowhere. Deeply-personal story between a mother & daughter. It's very basic on the surface, and there's not much story (you start at Point A, and end at Point A), but it's the most emotional movie of the year. If you don't cry at least 3 times during this, you're probably not human. It's all about the unbreakable connection you have to your parent(s), from the day you're born until the day you die. It only takes place over the course of a few months, but feels like lifetimes. Beautiful little movie about separation, loss, and human connection. Waves - 9/10 - I could write 20 pages on how much I loved this movie. To keep it short, it's got a perfect soundtrack, perfect setting, awards-worthy performances (from Kelvin Harrison Jr., Sterling K. Brown, and Taylor Russell). Visceral story that grips you from the first minute and doesn't let go until the closing shot. Unique use of colors and aspect-ratio. It takes a huge risk structurally that pays off. It's also the only movie I went to see twice this year. Really worth it too, picked up on a lot of stuff on the second viewing. Would've went a third time if theaters kept it playing longer. Every tiny decision/action has a huge impact. Just watch this. Last Black Man In San Francisco - 9/10 Birds of Passage - 9/10 Apollo 11 - 9/10 - The best documentary of the year. Probably the best editing (and use of sound) I've ever seen/heard in a documentary. It's unique because they don't use interviews like most documentaries do, it's real sound the whole through. Impressive use of archival footage/audio. Uncut Gems - 9/10 - This movie wasn't on the Best Original Score shortlist for the 2020 Oscars. This aggression will not stand. The Mustang - 9/10 Wild Rose - 9/10 - If this doesn't win the Oscar for Best Original Song ('Glasgow'), I've lost all faith in the Academy. The ending concert scene had me crying like a baby. Jessie Buckley is gonna be big. Best music-drama since A Star Is Born. Transit - 9/10 Ad Astra - 9/10 - Top-notch acting, great atmosphere, world-building, existentialism, beautiful VFX, engaging score. Best opening scene of the year. Thoughtful commentary on modern society all wrapped in a Heart of Darkness blanket. If you're into space/exploration movies, then I recommend this. Surprised at the backlash this movie has gotten on /r/movies. The Report - 9/10 - This was a really good year for legal-thrillers and The Report was the cream of the crop. Tight, Sorkin-like script with top performances from Adam Driver & Annette Bening. Could change a lot of minds about the war on terror and use of torture. Parasite - 9/10 Once Upon A Time In Hollywood - 9/10 Midnight Traveler - 9/10 - If you feel like life is unfair and the odds are stacked against you, watch this movie. It puts everything in a different perspective. Every problem you have is going to seem minuscule compared to what this family went through. It's eye-opening and should fill you with anger. Luce - 9/10 - It's Kelvin Harrison Jr's world and we're just living in it. The Irishman - 8/10 Mickey and the Bear - 8/10 - Camila Morrone puts in the best breakout performance of the year. PTSD, drug-addiction, alcoholism, rural Montana, toxic relationships, James Badge Dale, following your dreams. What's not to love? The Art of Self Defense - 8/10 - The best dark-comedy of the year. So many great one liners. It's like Yorgos Lanthimos directing Death of Stalin, set in a karate studio. Surprisingly violent and depressing, but in all the right ways. Jesse Eisenberg's best movie since.....The Social Network? Peanut Butter Falcon - 8/10 - "Am I going to die?" "We all do, it's only a matter of time, now stop being a little bitch." - Favorite line of the year, really stuck with me. Everybody Knows - 8/10 Mary Magdalene - 8/10 Knives Out - 8/10 - Well-crafted whoddunit with an ensemble cast. Just a genuinely fun time at the movies. Ana de Armas with well-deserved leading role for once. A few of the characters are a tad bit unrealistic (and basically caricatures), but the movie doesn't take itself seriously enough for that to be a problem. Daniel Craig hamming it up with a Southern accent was fun. Old school film with a modern twist. The Lighthouse - 8/10 The Dead Don't Die - 8/10 - This movie really isn't for everyone, but I loved the dry humor and purposefully-bad chemistry/dialogue. The line delivery was off-putting but hilarious. Everything is extremely on-the-nose and it works. I could watch 10 hours of Tom Waits talking to himself. Us - 8/10 Villains - 8/10 Ford v Ferrari - 8/10 Midsommar - 8/10 Jojo Rabbit - 8/10 Official Secrets - 8/10 - Keira Knightley with one of the most underrated performances of the year. Another really good legal/political-thriller that exposes the dark side of government bureaucracy. Pain & Glory - 8/10 John Wick 3: Parabellum - 8/10 Queen & Slim - 8/10 Amazing Grace - 8/10 - Great concert-documentary. Some of Aretha Franklin's performances in this should give you insane chills. I actually had this one rated higher right after watching it, but then looked up some of the people shown on screen and it turns out some were real pieces of shit, while preaching to people like hypocrits. Felt gross and took a lot of the magic out. One of my few revised scores this year. A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood - 8/10 Joker - 8/10 Non-Fiction - 8/10 - It's very French (talky and sexual) and the writing seems impressed with itself, but it's a good adult-drama that surprised me. I'm a big fan of Olivier Assayas and this is some of his best work. Rocketman - 8/10 Stan & Ollie - 8/10 Hustlers - 8/10 Avengers Endgame - 8/10 Doctor Sleep - 8/10 - It gets bloated and probably needed to be 20-30 minutes shorter (there's a shit ton of side-characters), but it was a worthwhile sequel to The Shining. Didn't feel like a cash grab and carries its own weight. Booksmart - 8/10 Little Monsters - 8/10 - I'd recommend watching this based just on Josh Gad's character. So over-the-top and hilarious. When he starts chugging hand sanitizer might be the most I laughed in a theater this year. Also Lupita Nyong'o playing & singing on the ukulele to a bunch of kids is exactly what I needed in my life. Cute zombie-comedy with a ton of heart. Spider-Man: Far From Home - 8/10 A Hidden Life - 8/10 - If there's a song from this year (or this decade even) that I'd want played at my funeral, it's James Newton Howard's theme from this movie. It's so beautiful and perfectly captures the feel of the movie. That song broke me down every time it played. I can't imagine this movie without it, it's that good. It's a shame this movie is getting ignored this awards season. Never Look Away - 8/10 Toy Story 4 - 8/10 Pavarotti - 8/10 The Biggest Little Farm - 8/10- If you're really into the inner-workings of a Californian farm, then this is the documentary for you. Abominable - 8/10 The Current War - 7/10 Artic - 7/10 - Well made, solidly-acted. I loved the small details about survival that this movie brings up, makes it very grounded and realistic. I'm kinda bored of survival movies in general so this didn't blow my mind or anything. Bombshell - 7/10 Honey Boy - 7/10 - Pretty big letdown because I had really high expectations for this one. Lacked the emotional punch I hoped for. Didn't land for me at all, kind of like Boy Erased last year. I appreciate how honest and revealing it was, took a lot of guts for Shia LaBeouf to put this out there but it's forgettable. Lucas Hedges' Shia impression was reallllly on point though, that was worth the price of admission right there. Mid90s last year was a 10/10 for me and I expected the same for this. It was good, not great. American Woman - 7/10 - Sienna Miller's performance in this is awards-worthy. The accent she does is perfect and it might be the most underrated role of the year. The movie gets way too tearjerky at the end though. It's basically 2 hours of bad shit happening to a good person, which gets a bit overwhelming. The Beach Bum - 7/10 Captain Marvel - 7/10 Spies In Disguise - 7/10 - Looked pretty generic based on the trailer, but was actually pretty funny. Cold Pursuit - 7/10 Tolkien - 7/10 - Not much happens but it felt really comfortable. Solid performances all around and they handled the WW1 scenes better than I thought they would. Expected to be bored out of my mind based on the reviews and trailer but it flowed well. As far as "Nicholas Hoult Biopics of Famous Writers" go, it's miles ahead of Rebel in the Rye 2 years ago. Jumanji: The Next Level - 7/10 Sauvage/Wild - 7/10 Detective Pikachu - 7/10 Maiden - 7/10 Dark Waters - 7/10 - . Good performances and an okay script, even though it beats you over the head sometimes. Total waste of Anne Hathaway. She's way too good of an actress for a boring, generic, 'supporting wife' role with just a few lines. Not even sure why she was in this. Overall, a solid legal-thriller, which is a genre I really enjoy and I've been missing since its late-90s heyday. Pretty crazy story too, scummy and evil corporate greed is always interesting to explore on film (like The Insider). Should've been 20 minutes shorter and less on-the-nose Adopt A Highway - 7/10 The Wedding Guest - 7/10 The Hummingbird Project - 7/10 Motherless Brooklyn - 7/10 The Lion King - 7/10 Last Christmas - 7/10 - It's really easy to bash this movie, a lot of the humor falls flat and the twist is ridiculous, but I couldn't help walking out with a smile. I love how committed Emilia Clarke was to the character, and her interactions with her boss and family were legitimately heart-warming at times. Also did I mention how ridiculous that twist is? Richard Jewell - 7/10 - This was decent. Even though it's clearly Clint Eastwood's personal crusade (and thinly-veiled propaganda piece in some regards) against the FBI & the Spooky Media™, it still told the story effectively/semi-believably. Some of the characters (Hamm/Wilde obviously) were pretty ridiculous caricatures though, was hard to take anything they said seriously, I mean come on. You just roll your eyes at most of what they say. Some of the situations and encounters are too-conveniently set-up but that's easy to overlook. It had very solid performances (Hauser was great, especially when he finally let's his emotion show, in that scene where he kicks the table). Much better than The Mule, and 20x better than 15:17 To Paris. Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker - 7/10 21 Bridges - 7/10 Before You Know It - 7/10 Hobbs & Shaw - 7/10 - This is peak "Stupid Summer Popcorn Movie" and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It's The Meg of 2019. Fighting With My Family - 7/10 Pet Sematary - 7/10 Downton Abbey - 7/10 - Never saw a single episode of the show before watching the movie, but it still felt familiar/safe to jump right in. Yesterday - 7/10 Greta - 7/10 - It's a cheesy, predictable, non-scary horror film but I liked it. Sometimes you just need Isabelle Hupert to play a psychopathic serial killer. Felt very old-school, a movie straight out of the 1980s. Judy - 7/10 - It's the definition of Oscar bait and is emotionally manipulative, especially towards the end, but it does a great job at humanizing a Hollywood legend. Frozen 2 - 7/10 Aladdin - 7/10 The Souvenir - 7/10 Zombieland 2: Double Tap - 7/10 - Nowhere near as memorable/iconic as the first one, but it still got a bunch of laughs from me (especially the Thomas Middleditch/Luke Wilson scene). Above-average for a comedy-sequel, but I could see this one not aging well. The Two Popes - 6/10 - Two solid performances but underwhelming overall, too many cheap-looking flashback scenes, not enough Pryce/Hopkins. Reminded me of Can You Ever Forgive Me? last year, depending on the 2 leads to carry a weak movie/premise on their back, to disappointing results. Highly-overrated movie. Ready Or Not - 6/10 Anna - 6/10 - It's basically Red Sparrow but slightly worse. Saint Frances - 6/10 Hotel Mumbai - 6/10 Shazam! - 6/10 - Low-stakes, formulaic, superhero movie clearly made with strict budget limitations. It hits all the notes you'd expect a movie like this to hit. It was decent. Alita: Battle Angel - 6/10 Loro - 6/10 - One of the more disappointing movies of the year. On paper it sounds amazing, a sprawling biopic of an infamous/corrupt Italian politician/mogul by Paolo Sorrentino who's not that far removed from a masterpiece? Sign me the fuck up. But nah, this was a shallow, surface-level (like my reviews), pointless dull knife of a biopic. Too much shoehorned religious imagery too. Tone is all over the place. It can't decide whether it's serious or funny and gets lost in-between. It looked nice at least. It also wins this year's "Most Nudity" award, easily beating the rest of the field. Teen Spirit - 6/10 The Upside - 6/10 Gloria Bell - 6/10 - Great performance from Julianne Moore but this just felt like "Middle-Aged Crisis: The Movie". Just couldn't connect to it. I imagine the original is a lot better. On The Basis Of Sex - 6/10 Stockholm - 6/10 Give Me Liberty - 6/10 - This is an example of a movie that has its heart in the right place but bites off a lot more than it can chew. There's a beautiful, emotional story in here somewhere, but it's too muddled with ineffective editing tricks and too many side-stories. It's sweet in some ways and the true-life characters bring a lot of charm, but it didn't do that much for me. A lot of 'year-end' lists have this as one of the most overlooked movies of the year, but I don't see it. Rough editing, bad soundtrack. Child's Play - 6/10 Good Boys - 6/10 - Just watch Booksmart instead. Styx - 6/10 Woman at War - 6/10 The Lego Movie 2 - 6/10 Missing Link - 6/10 Long Shot - 6/10 - The chemistry between Charlize Theron & Seth Rogen was great but the jokes couldn't really match it. It's a unique mix of politics & humor, but fell short of being an actual crowd-pleaser. Echo in the Canyon - 6/10 Cyrano, My Love - 6/10 Dora the Explorer - 6/10 Brittany Runs A Marathon - 6/10 IT: Chapter 2 - 6/10 - Way too long. Felt like a never-ending series of fetch-quests. Good CGI & acting though. Mister America - 6/10 Crawl - 6/10 Trial By Fire - 6/10 - Great performances by Laura Dern & Jack O'Connell get overshadowed by an overly-preacy script. It doesn't let the audience make up its own mind. The Third Wife - 6/10 Godzilla: King of Monsters - 5/10 - This needed less humans, more monsters. Glass - 5/10 Escape Room - 5/10 Terminator: Dark Fate - 5/10 Dumbo - 5/10 All Is True - 5/10 Brightburn - 5/10 The White Crow - 5/10 - One of those biopics where the movie doesn't do justice to the story. Reading the Wikipedia page on this guy's life, you'd except an Oscar contender. Instead it was just okay. Watch Cold War instead. It's basically this movie but better. High Life - 5/10 - Unpleasant. Where'd You Go Bernadette? - 5/10 Scary Stories to Tell Dark - 5/10 Her Smell - 5/10 - This movie made me physically nauseous. The tight, claustrophobic, haze-filled shots in the first 2 acts really threw me off. It's temporarily redeemed by a reallllllly good third act and a solid performance from Elisabeth Moss. But then deflated by a terrible final scene. By the Grace of God - 5/10 - Based on the critical acclaim, director, and subject matter, I walked in expected to be blown away. Basically expected Spotlight, but this movie completely derails at the halfway point. Hard to sit through. Blinded by the Light - 5/10 The Best of Enemies - 5/10 The Aeronauts - 5/10 - This is mis-marketed as an intense survival story but it's really just a boring biopic with too many flashbacks. Fall of the American Empire - 5/10 Family - 5/10 The Goldfinch - 5/10 - It turns out an unfilmable novel really is unfilmbable, who would've thought? Shoutout to Jeffrey Wright & Finn Wolfhard for actually trying. Angel Has Fallen - 5/10 Gemini Man - 5/10 Late Night - 5/10 Black and Blue - 5/10 Diane - 5/10 - This was just depression-porn. Sometimes it works (Mungiu/Zvyagintsev), sometimes it doesn't (this movie). It's such a bummer. Wouldn't recommend this to anyone but Mary Kay Place's performance makes it watchable and engaging sometimes. Destroyer - 5/10 How To Train Your Dragon 3 - 5/10 Rafiki - 5/10 - I feel bad for this score because I get that this is a really important/significant movie for African Cinema, but I just couldn't get past the terrible acting, bad (like baaaaaad) dialogue, and lackluster story. Again, pretty big achievement that this got made and reached a global audience, but yeah, in a vacuum, it's undoubtedly a bad movie. Felt like an amateur movie on a shoestring budget. Captive State - 4/10 Wild Nights With Emily - 4/10 - This movie is what happens when someone asks the question "hey, what if we turned Emily Dickinson's life into an SNL skit?". I get what they were going for, and Molly Shannon is great, but this was extremely unfunny and probably the longest 84-minute movie I've ever seen. Dark Pheonix - 4/10 The Addams Family - 4/10 Midway - 4/10 To Dust - 4/10 Rojo - 4/10 - The only memorable thing about this movie is that there was a power outage about 90 minutes in so they comped my ticket and gave me a free drink. So that was cool, I guess. The Kid Who Would Be King - 4/10 MIB: International - 4/10 The Kid - 4/10 - There's a 98% chance that this movie is some kind of tax write-off or money laundering scheme. It somehow got 2 big names (Pratt & Hawke), co-starring the son of the producer in his first movie ever. Directed by Vincent D'Onofrio for some reason (???). Was dumped by Lionsgate in a few hundred theaters with 0 marketing/promotion, and flopped hard. It's dated, boring, and unoriginal. Cheesy dialogue. Literally a story that's been told a million times before, usually in much better ways. No reason for this to exist. Chris Pratt has the worst fake-movie-beard of all time in this, that's kinda worth checking out. Ramen Shop - 4/10 The Good Liar - 4/10- The most convoluted, needlessly-complicated plot of the year. Helen Mirren & Ian McKellen both phone it in (I don't blame them, they were given trash to work with). I hate when movies try to crowbar "WW2 flashbacks" into their movies when it's not needed. Climax - 4/10 Harriet - 4/10 Lucy in the Sky - 4/10 - Once or twice a year, a movie comes along that has such a frustrating/stupid/anti-climactic ending it makes me actually angry. This is that movie. Natalie Portman had another movie like that last year (Vox Lux). Hey Noah Hawley, what the fuck? Freaks - 4/10 - This movie would fit well in the "Good Idea But Bad Execution" subreddit. Tel Aviv On Fire - 4/10 Ma - 4/10 Frankie - 3/10 Stuber - 3/10 Serenity - 3/10 - In a year full of batshit-crazy twists (looking at you, Last Christmas), this easily had the batshit-iest twist. It's something you actually have to experience yourself, and be fully-immersed in it, to appreciate how mind-numblingly crazy it is. How they got A-list talent for this script is a total mystery, but it probably involves of a lot of favors and cocaine. It's almost "so bad its good". Almost. I can't wait for the sequel, Free Guy, next year. Maleficent 2: Mistress of Evil - 3/10 - More genocide than I expected for a live-action Disney fairy tale movie. Donnybrook - 3/10 The Photograph - 3/10 - Zzzzzzzzzz... Charlie's Angels - 3/10 Hellboy - 3/10 - This movie is like that annoying kid in middle school that tries way to hard to be edgy. It's gory and vulgar just for the sake of being gory & vulgar. It reminded me of the Predator reboot last year, had the same kind of dated/forced humor that seems to have no real target audience (except for the aforementioned middle school edgy kid I guess). Bad CGI and a boring villain. iirc it also had a lame sequel-bait ending which I hate. Happy Death Day 2U - 3/10 - The Sun Is Also A Star - 3/10 - It's filmed like a generic music video and has the emotional depth of a puddle. Don't Let Go - 3/10 The Invisibles - 3/10 Playing with Fire - 3/10 - This was just like Mark Wahlberg's Instant Family last year, except that it was worse in every imaginable way. No lie, the end-credits bloopers were by far better than anything else in the movie. It was the only time I even chuckled or felt any type of emotion. Cats - 2/10 - There's not much more I could say that already hasn't been said. Yes, it was bad. No, it wasn't the worst movie in history. For me, it was just so boring. Forgettable songs (except Beautiful Ghosts), no story/plot, nonsensical ending. Just wanted it to end. Jennifer Hudson just floating into space for no reason, Judi Dench giving me unwarranted lessons about raising cats, Ian McKellen slurping milk from a bowl, Extremely-Hairy-And-Naked-Idris-Elba, Cockroach Genocide, etc. These things all happened and we can't change them, and for us to grow as a society, we need to just move on and learn from our mistakes. Rambo: Last Blood - 2/10 The Sound of Silence - 2/10 - More like The Sound of Boredom, amirite? No but seriously, that's all I got. This movie was the closest I got to falling asleep in my seat this year. Synonyms - 2/10 Black Christmas - 2/10 - Extremely cheesy dialogue, cop-out violence, boring/predictable jump scares, low production value (bad even for a low-end Blumhouse movie), some of the worst one-liners you've ever heard, unrealistic/2D characters. Shitty ending. Wayyyyy too heavy-handed with the message. About as subtle as a flying brick to the forehead. Amateur acting, cutaway for every death, etc etc. After the Wedding - 2/10 - Overacted, muddled garbage. 47 Meters Down Uncaged - 1/10 Shaft - 1/10 - Crude, unfunny, soulless, grating, pointless. There's a million adjectives I could use to describe this reboot, and none of them are positive. This is one I'm surprised I didn't just walk out of. Probably didn't have anything better do do that day. Jexi - 1/10 - This year's worst movie. It's just the kind of movie that leaves a bad taste in your mouth, like you need to watch something else to get the stink of this one out of your mind. It was just so mean-spirited, from start to finish. Not a single joke landed, you just hated all of the characters. There are no redeeming factors. On the technical side, it was very basic, looked like a cheap music video. No memorable scenes, no good lines of dialogue, no originality in any way. None of the "cheerful"/"pick-me-up" moments earn any kind of emotional reaction. If you had a freshman high-school film student remake Her as a shitty comedy, this would be it. The fact that I paid money to see this is something I will never live down. Movies that I saw outside of theaters, not included in the list: The King - 8/10 - Netflix Paddleton - 8/10 - Netflix El Camino: A Breaking Bad Story - 8/10 - Netflix High Flying Bird - 7/10 - Netflix Dolemite Is My Name - 7/10 - Netflix Triple Frontier - 6/10 - Netflix The Boy Who Harnessed Wind - 6/10 - Netflix The Laundromat - 5/10 - Netflix The Highwaymen - 5/10 - Netflix Velvet Buzzsaw - 4/10 - Netflix Bird Box - 4/10 - Netflix Six Underground - 2/10 - Netflix Movies that I saw in theaters in 2019, but are not included in the list due to original release date: If Beale Street Could Talk - 9/10 Cold War - 9/10 Capernaum - 9/10 Mary Poppins Returns - 7/10 The Charmer - 6/10 Movies that I haven't seen yet but will see in the next few weeks: Little Women 1917 In Fabric Tremors Just Mercy Midnight Family A Million Little Pieces The Earthquake Bird American Son Portrait of A Lady On Fire Clemency Beanpole The Kingmaker The Song of Names Here is the distribution of theater visits by day of the week: https://i.imgur.com/aIlGc6d.jpg Throughout the year, I've gone to 13 different theaters. 9 at major chains, and 4 at indie theaters. Here's the distribution of visits by theater: https://i.imgur.com/MuGEcEp.png Here is the distribution of theater visits by month: https://i.imgur.com/DhTqpeB.jpg Other: The longest stretch I went without going to the movies was from July 21st thru August 20th, without a single trip to the movies. Partially due to an out-of-country trip and personal stuff. During this time I "missed out" on The Kitchen, The Nightingale, Brian Banks, and Honeyland. Mostly caught up to the rest. The most theater visits in a one-week span was November 1st thru November 8th, with 8 movies that week. The most in one day was 3 movies in theaters on March 15th, 2019 (Styx, To Dust, and Captive State). There were 26 double-headers this year (two movies in theaters during the same day, usually back-to-back). Solid year, not as many surprises as 2018 though. Going to try to break 200 in 2020. Here is last year's ranking: https://www.reddit.com/r/movies/comments/aavyrr/i_saw_162_movies_in_theaters_in_2018_here_is_my/ submitted by /u/BunyipPouch to r/movies [link] [comments]