Traveling Aesthetic

... might respond strongly to this aesthetic. We have already seen how ... passage and return possible. After traveling through the artificial throat anchored ...

....steemitimages.com/DQmYCBCX1cQ3uV8BL8FwXj3RiTYJZ2z58ikaeq2Rtfk36RJ/1000050891.jpg) Traveling is one of the most..., effort and the right time. Traveling to a lake is really... people peace of mind while traveling. However, for me, this was... is well known for its aesthetic and cultural heritage. People from... boarding these special boats. While traveling here, two people can board...

... Independent art-book and editorial illustration aesthetic Use a tightly controlled palette... children's-book proportions. They are happily traveling together. Examples of activities: having...

... premium glass with embossed leather aesthetic, nubia Z70S Ultra 5g phone... in minutes, not hours. Whether traveling, gaming, or binge-watching, this unlocked...

... really enjoy, and the dark aesthetic is fantastic. What I liked... effect of the flame actually traveling through the air. 4. I’d...

... then return, potentially without fast traveling, and maybe encounter a dragon... for those who minimize fast traveling for reasons I forget lol... but for some combination of aesthetic or visceral reasons too. Not...

Every single bag I make helps me learn something new. This time, I wanted to try the woven aesthetic you see on Bottega Veneta bags. My goal was a tote inspired by the Mulberry Bayswater, but with woven side panels. Since I hadn't tried this before, I did a bit of research. It's not actually traditional weaving—it's more of a slotted lacing technique where you loop individual straps through slits cut into a solid leather sheet. It gives the perfect illusion of weaving, but the best part is the structural advantage: the straps stay totally flat and won't roll into a cord over time. I drafted the templates on papper first and used a custom chisel (matching the strap width) to punch the slits. On the first test run, the geometry was good but the look felt way too heavy because the straps were too thick. So I skived the thickness down and tried again on a small patch. The results were 100% satisfying, so I finally commited to the build. For the actual bag, I paired a rustic pink nappa leather with gold plated stainless steel hardware. The interior is lined with goat suede—definitely a pain to maintain, but nothing elevates a bag's inside like suede. For utility, I put in a padded laptop compartment, two open pockets, and a waterbottle holder. On the exterior, I added a quick-access slip pocket for a phone on the back and a trolley sleeve to slide over suitcase handles for travel. I've included a few pictures of the making process. Lemme know your thoughts on how it turned out! submitted by /u/kathihandmade to r/handbags [link] [comments]

It's either "primal aspid", "P5 Markoth", "Deepnest" or... that. submitted by /u/-Gh0stzz- to r/HollowKnight [link] [comments]

Several years have passed since COVID began, but honestly, life never really returned to normal for me. The pandemic hit during my early twenties, between 21 and 24, and I genuinely feel like it altered the trajectory of my personality, mental health, and outlook on life. Before 2020, I was energetic, optimistic, social, and excited for the future. I felt emotionally alive. I could picture a future for myself and actually felt connected to the world around me. Looking back at photos and videos from before COVID almost feels surreal now because that version of me feels like a completely different person. During lockdown, I was trapped in a deeply toxic and controlling relationship. Isolation intensified everything. Being cut off from normal life created this unhealthy dependency that I can only describe as a mix of Stockholm syndrome and the sunk-cost fallacy. The smaller my world became, the harder it felt to leave, even while knowing it was destroying me psychologically. Then when the world finally reopened, it was like my nervous system completely collapsed. I started experiencing severe panic attacks with intense air hunger, derealization, chest tightness, and a constant sense of impending doom, especially while driving. It took years just to get partially functional again, and even now I still don’t feel “normal.” My attention span is worse. My memory feels fragmented. I struggle to focus deeply on anything anymore. Sometimes it feels like my brain never fully recovered from years of chronic stress and overstimulation. But beyond my personal issues, something about society itself feels fundamentally different now. I used to romanticize adulthood. I wanted to travel, build relationships, experience life, maybe eventually have a family. Now I feel strangely detached from all of it. Part of that is trauma, but part of it honestly feels cultural. Everything feels expensive, unstable, performative, and emotionally hollow. Dating feels commodified. Third spaces have disappeared. Everyone is isolated, yet somehow constantly perceived online at the same time. I don’t even know what this new culture is anymore. It feels like we traded individuality for algorithms and trends. Influencer culture dominates everything. People become famous not because they’re talented, insightful, or interesting, but because they fit a certain aesthetic or know how to market themselves online. Conversations feel flatter. Attention spans are fried. Nobody seems to deeply engage with art, ideas, music, philosophy, or even each other anymore. Everything gets flattened into short-form content and recycled talking points. Even travel feels different now. Places that once had distinct identities increasingly feel curated for Instagram and tourism to the point of becoming artificial versions of themselves. So much of the physical world feels synthetic now too: fast fashion made of plastic, cheaply made products, chain stores everywhere, endless advertising, endless scrolling. Sometimes it feels like we’re living inside a giant algorithm instead of a culture. And when I go out in public, the atmosphere feels… off. People look exhausted. Defeated. Hypervigilant. Like everyone is quietly operating in survival mode. Social interactions feel more guarded and self-conscious, almost like people are constantly monitoring themselves out of fear of judgment, conflict, or being recorded. There’s this underlying tension everywhere that I don’t remember existing before. I also feel like culture itself has stagnated. Trends recycle every few months. Music, fashion, media, even personalities online all feel increasingly homogenized. Everyone talks the same, references the same things, consumes the same content, develops the same opinions. It’s hard to describe, but the world feels simultaneously hyperconnected and deeply soulless. I look at who I was before COVID and genuinely grieve that person sometimes. Not because life was perfect, but because I felt more alive, more hopeful, more capable of imagining a future. I’m curious if anyone else feels this way. Do you feel like you ever truly “snapped back” after the pandemic years, or do you feel like you became a completely different person afterward? How do you feel about the way people interact now, the constant media cycle, influencer culture, the disappearance of community, and this overall feeling that society is emotionally exhausted and stuck? I’d genuinely like to hear other people’s experiences because sometimes this all feels difficult to articulate. Edit: I’m not a defeatist. I still push forward. I finished college, I work, I have hobbies, and I’m actively trying to date and build friendships. Still, there’s this persistent, low-level depression underneath it all for some reason. If you’re happy with the status quo and feel like you’ve 'made it,' I’m genuinely happy for you. Just a thought. Reflections after reading the comments: I’ve read through a lot of the comments and genuinely appreciate the solidarity, perspectives, and shared experiences people opened up about. It’s strangely comforting knowing so many others feel this same disconnect from the world we used to know. I do think there are multiple factors behind it. And yes, I understand why so many people are suspicious about the COVID era in general. Between the gain of function whistleblower claims surrounding Fauci, the fact he received a pre pardon, the censorship that happened during that period, and the sudden explosion of hyper addictive short form content right as billions of people were isolated indoors, I don’t think people are crazy for questioning things or feeling like something larger shifted culturally and psychologically. Even the whole “Great Reset” conversation, whether people agree with it fully or not, reflects a real feeling many people have that society accelerated into something colder, more digital, more disconnected, and more consumption driven after 2020. At the same time, I don’t think living entirely in paranoia or doom helps either. At this point, all we can really do is try to reconnect with real life again. Be involved in local communities, spend more time offline, reduce constant tech consumption, prioritize mental health, and rebuild actual human connection where we can. For me personally, one small thing that’s helped calm my nervous system has been listening to Wayne Dyer talks/audio tapes at night. His voice is very soothing and he gives very grounding advice. And lastly, I also want to acknowledge the people dealing with long COVID and lasting health issues. A lot of you shared stories about disabilities, brain fog, chronic fatigue, panic symptoms, and feeling abandoned afterward. You are not forgotten, and I think your experiences are very real. submitted by /u/MaterialPineapple207 to r/Adulting [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/Head-Radish-1661 to r/AestheticWiki [link] [comments]

A strange doorway appears in the basement of a furniture showroom. Director: Kane Parsons Cast: Chiwetel Ejiofor, Renate Reinsve, Mark Duplass, Finn Bennett, Lukita Maxwell Distributor: A24 Rotten Tomatoes: 88% Metacritic: 76 / 100 Some Reviews (updating): HeyUGuys - Linda Marric - 5 / 5 Disturbing, visually unforgettable, and intellectually ambitious, Backrooms is the kind of horror cinema that treats atmosphere and ideas as inseparable from spectacle. That Parsons has made the leap from teenager filming YouTube shorts to helming one of A24's most compelling releases of 2026 is truly remarkable. I Couldn't Help But Wonder - Naz Perez - 9.5 / 10 This is the kind of psychological smart horror I have been hungry for since 'Heretic'. And I think A24 has another big franchise on their hands if they want to continue this mythology on the big screen. Renate Reinsve gives one of the most quietly devastating performances of the year, and this is her first horror film ever. Aesthetic, theme, performance, world-building. It is all there. 9.5/10 - only docked because I think it could have gone a half-step deeper into the philosophical undertow. The Irish Times - Tara Brady - 4.5 / 5 Ejiofor cleverly manifests a character caught between psychic dislocation and male privilege; Reinsve’s wounds are deeper but palpable beneath her collected facade. Mark Duplass deepens the mystery as a cryptic scientist. The bigger stars, however, are Danny Vermette’s production design and Parsons’s exquisite direction. Fresh Fiction - Courtney Howard - 'A' BACKROOMS serves to unnerve with its spooky haunts. It’s soaked in anxiety and dread that overwhelm our senses, specifically in the latter half, and it all leads to a jaw-dropping conclusion. Its Still Life entities are accompanied by gut-wrenching unease upon their inevitable introduction. Deeper subterranean levels of mind-blowing revelations are bound to appear as this is built for multiple viewings. Ingenious and disturbingly affecting, we can only hope Parsons, as a modernist architect of panic attacks, will be able to continue to world-build in potential future offerings. The Film Verdict - Alonso Duralde - 9 / 10 With connective tissue linking it to both Skinamarink and Synecdoche, New York, Backrooms is a chillingly ambitious debut that finds the terror in enclosed spaces and echoing silences. It’s a screen nightmare that could easily work its way into viewers’ real ones. The Prague Reporter - Jason Pirodsky - 3.5 / 4 Still, for its minor flaws, Backrooms feels like the arrival of something genuinely new in mainstream horror: a studio-backed feature that still retains the unsettling weirdness and experimental spirit of internet-born horror storytelling. Parsons translates the uncanny dread of the original creepypasta into cinematic form with startling confidence, creating images and spaces that linger in the mind long after the credits roll. Like the Backrooms themselves, this is a film that’s difficult to fully explain—but impossible to forget. The Independent - Clarisse Loughrey - 4 / 5 While the Backrooms, to the non-online and the non-gamer, might seem like a byproduct of AppleTV’s Severance, their language has been deployed for years by games like Control, The Exit 8, and Lethal Company. But the many video game adaptations we’ve seen haven’t really dared to tell their stories in the medium’s minimalist, environment-driven way, where characters learn through the objects around them. Backrooms does. And it’s all the more fascinating for it. We’ll have to see who follows in Parsons’s footsteps, but his film might very well end up defining a generation. Little White Lies - Esther Rosenfield - 4 / 5 Like those yellow-wallpapered hallways themselves, it is endearingly open-ended and peculiarly captivating. NextBestPicture - Dan Bayer - 8 / 10 Both unconventionally scary and satisfying, Kane Parsons successfully brings his web series to the big screen as a transfixing exercise in sustained tension. Immaculately creepy, mind-boggling production design. IGN - Lex Brusco - 8 / 10 Backrooms expertly expands on the conceptual groundwork of the YouTube series with smart visual composition, beautifully terrifying production design, a complex protagonist, and a return to Kane Parsons’ roots of computer generated sequences that pack a serious punch. The film also opens the doors to some compelling pathways to deepen the lore even more, if newcomers are willing to meet the film on its level, where it isn’t going to spoon-feed anyone. Parsons’ film is a harrowing trip to the dark heart of fractured memory, loneliness, and inner turmoil. It takes what’s psychologically horrifying about the liminality of life and transmogrifies it into something truly terrifying. That’s something the concept has always done well, and its future seems bright with Parsons at the helm of the nightmarish maze. The AU Review - Peter Gray - 4 / 5 Rather than reducing the Backrooms into conventional monster horror, Parsons preserves the existential dread that made the original creepypasta resonate so powerfully online. The result is a horror film that feels genuinely singular: eerie, melancholy, deeply uncanny, and willing to trust audiences enough to leave them lost inside its maze. Slant Magazine - Rocco T. Thompson - 4 / 5 Backrooms is undeniable, both as a future load-bearing pillar of the internet-born horror movement that’s now breaking ground and for being built on a concept that feels truly new. Horror reinvents itself every decade or so, and what it does better than any other genre is reflect back at us the collective nightmares of the world we live in. But what’s especially unnerving about this film’s particular journey through the looking glass is that it doesn’t take us very far at all. It points us back to our distorted selves and the hollow world we’ve built, replicated and twisted ad infinitum into a fluorescent-lit purgatory whose very familiarity is its horror. RTE - Harry Guerin - 4 / 5 This is a film that maps out its own universe in style, and Parsons' gift for wringing suspense from every scene is prodigious. Here, you really don't know what's around the corner. Is it all in Clark's head? Will therapist Mary (Sentimental Value's Renate Reinsve) believe him? How many sequels can Parsons and screenwriter Will Soodik get away with? One thing is for certain: this isn't over. The ending leaves a lot hanging and will not be to everyone's taste, but even the grumblers will walk away from Backrooms determined to find out more. Welcome to your new rabbit hole. Radio Times - Jeremy Aspinall - 4 / 5 It’s an eye-catching debut feature from Parsons whose adoption of the previously over-used found-footage formula to garner scares is deftly utilised, even offering clues as to the reality of the situation. Meanwhile, the surreal shifts and turns that occur as Clark travels deeper into an infinite dimension of rooms mean you are never quite sure what the endgame will be, especially once Clark’s therapist is compelled to investigate her patient’s apparent disappearance. Ejiofor is at his hangdog best and is matched by Reinsve, whose calm, enigmatic exterior masks a mystery from her own past. However, the real star here is the setting and its fascinating metamorphosis from the bland to the downright uncanny. Slash Film - BJ Colangelo - 7.5 / 10 He might be a filmmaker currently too young to legally drink in the States who undoubtedly had the mentorship of producers like Mark Duplass and Oz Perkins to show him the ropes on this first feature, but Parsons announces himself as a filmmaker worth watching closely, delivering what may be the strongest creepypasta adaptation yet — and a deeply unsettling reminder that sometimes the scariest thing in the world is confronting the inaccuracies of existence. The film's haunting final image lingers long after the credits roll, the kind of ending designed to inspire immediate post-screening debates in theater lobbies and Reddit threads alike. I can't wait to see what fresh hells await us from Parsons next. DiscussingFilm - Andrew J. Salazar - 3.5 / 5 At its best, Kane Parsons’ Backrooms is as claustrophobic and nerve-wracking as his viral web series. Parsons and co-composer Edo Van Breemen (another Osgood Perkins collaborator) embellish the movie with creepy yet atmospheric synths, adding to what fans have always wanted from such an adaptation. At its lowest, though, this horror film leaves more to be desired in its scares and plotting (such as the rather simple purpose that Mark Duplass’ Async agent serves in his brief screen time). Admittedly, the bulk of these hiccups and divisive aspects stem from a risk taken or a clear decision made. And for a filmmaker as young and adventurous as Parsons, some credit is due for taking so many swings. I mean, for a director who had established industry names like Osgood Perkins, Shawn Levy, and James Wan in line to back his first feature at only 19 years of age, it would have been easy for Parsons to phone it in when so much of his source material works so well on its own. But he didn’t, and that’s how you know he’s here to stay. Toronto Star - Peter Howell - 2 / 4 Ejiofor is a gifted actor stranded in a maze that doesn’t quite know what to do with him; ditto for the screenplay. Reinsve, so luminous in “The Worst Person in the World,” is similarly underused. InSession Film - Shaurya Chawla - 'B+' Backrooms will likely prove to be a treat for fans of the original material and its most eagle-eyed viewers. While Parsons directs the movie in a manner that would allow audiences unfamiliar with the original material to watch it, there is an enhanced experience to be had with more contextual backing, especially as the narrative and characterization is a bit thin. By the end, however, what Backrooms does succeed at, is being a really solid horror experience that continues to showcase the talents of young filmmakers in the industry and pave the way for even more impressive works in the future. Time will tell where Parsons’ career goes, but if Backrooms is any indication, he will go a long, long way. IndieWire - Ryan Lattanzio - 'B' The budget-goosed maximalism of Parsons’ movie might make it less likely to scare the hell out of you than watching his forbidden-feeling videos unspool out of your laptop in bed at night. Will Soodik’s script attempts to anchor the “Backrooms” lore in psychological realism that would feel hokey without performances so psychically attuned to Parsons’ vision. Ejiofor is a sad-sack melancholic before he turns increasingly crazed and tries to play liminal-space detective, while Norwegian actress Reinsve proves she’s both Final Girl material and “The Worst Person in the World.” “Backrooms” is a movie more likely to blow young minds, but remember the first horror movie you saw that changed who you were? This movie will be that for a lot of people. The Times - Kevin Maher - 2 / 5 And please can we stop with the boy wonder thing? This isn’t the 1940s, during which Orson Welles directed Citizen Kane at the age of 25. Women film-makers today, among them Greta Gerwig, Emerald Fennell, Celine Song and Nia DaCosta, have to be at least 30 before they’re “allowed” to direct a film. Anointing Parsons a boy genius then handing him $10 million, no questions asked, to make a ropey, substandard horror doesn’t seem right. The premise remains untouched. A limitless subterranean and mostly empty mustard-coloured office complex of multiple rooms, strip lighting and bad carpets that for brief unsettling moments features creepy stick figures, a tottering woman or a seagull. Into this — sigh, ugh, do we have to? — so-called liminal space are thrown our clueless protagonists, the frustrated furniture store manager Clark (Ejiofor) and his doe-eyed and slightly insipid therapist Mary (Reinsve). And this is where the fun allegedly begins. DEADLINE - Pete Hammond The sheer cinematic sophistication of this feature film adaptation of the You Tube series should not be surprising when you consider some of its many producers are the likes of James Wan, Shawn Levy, Perkins, Peter Chernin, Jenno Topping and more. Clearly A24 and its production partners have given Parsons some heavyweight support and guidance in realizing a movie version of a cerebral idea that works on its own terms and could spark a franchise. After all it is the walls and the doors that are the real stars here. This is a visually stunning nightmare though and props must be given to cinematographer Jeremy Cox, and production designer Danny Vermette for a dazzling magical mystery tour through this prison with no exit, a weirder wonderland than any Alice ever visited, spare but with mementos from past lives now distorted and twisted, something out of our dreams and somehow brought to vivid life on the big screen. Big props also to editor Greg Ng, VFX supervisor Edward Douglas, and the appropiate electronic score from Parsons and Edd Van Breeman that accompanies this bizarro land full of constant noises that offer clues for what lies within these walls and behind these doors – or not. We don’t really know (the sound design is exceptional). Associated Press - Jake Coyle - 2 / 4 As a horror, fluorescent-lit riff on Michel Gondry’s “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” “Backrooms” doesn’t quite work. While the movie finds a potentially insightful pathway to a story, it can’t bridge its very physical, wall-to-wall-carpeted labyrinth with Clark’s mental state. A movie with so many doors ultimately can’t find the right one. Despite a paper-wall-thin concept, both Ejiofor and Reinsve give “Backrooms” some depth. Ejiofor has almost always been a supremely level-headed screen presence, but here embraces a latent capacity for fevered mania. Reinsve, the star of “The Worst Person in the World” and “Sentimental Value,” proves especially absorbing in her first horror film. She gives the movie a slinky intelligence. Looper - Matthew Jackson - 7 / 10 When "Backrooms" is playing with horror on that existential level, punctuated by a couple of truly marvelous jump scares, it works wonderfully. Unfortunately, it flinches and turns from this approach one too many times. Even with its flaws, though, this is a remarkably cohesive calling card for Parsons, and the announcement of an exciting new voice in horror filmmaking. There's nothing wrong with reaching the widest possible audience with your work, but in the case of "Backrooms," there are layers of mystery that get stripped away when you attempt to explain too much, center the liminal vastness of the title location on human characters, or simply give in to predictable horror instincts in the final act. Screen Rant - Graeme Guttmann - 7 / 10 There are plenty of nods to Parsons' videos, including the presence of Async, but the film really strives to examine the psychology of its characters in a way that it isn't fully equipped to do. Even when it falters, though, Backrooms is still an effective horror film, dealing in quiet terror over abject horror. In a world where fear is constantly thrown in our faces, having to look for it, and wanting to do so in the first place, can be just as disturbing. Empire - Jamie Graham - 3 / 5 Switching between the rigorous lensing of an objective camera and lurching, found-footage-style perspectives, Backrooms is one of the most out there, surreal, art-horror features since David Lynch’s Eraserhead. The web series might boast 200 million views since debuting in 2022, but this movie is most certainly not for everyone. It favours opacity, half-glimpsed creatures and a steady sense of unease over crowd-pleasing jumps, and is sure to spark endless debate and interpretations among those who aren’t bored silly by it. CBR - Caralynn Matassa - 6 / 10 Incredibly immersive production design, especially the massive Backrooms set and unsettling architectural details. Strong atmosphere and dread, helped by anxious found-footage-style camerawork and eerie 1990s aesthetics. But the story loses some coherence in the back half, especially once Mary takes over more of the narrative. Renate Reinsve feels slightly miscast, despite her talent. The movie doesn't fully live up to the hype, ending with more disorienting confusion than satisfying impact. submitted by /u/ChiefLeef22 to r/movies [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/CuriousButNotJewish Originally posted to r/relationship_advice How do I [F28], a widow, tell my in-laws[M58][F59] about my new partner? I am very, VERY close to them (for all intents and purposes they treat me as their daughter, events, sleepovers, trips etc.) and I am afraid that this will destroy everything Thanks to u/withlovetara & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: death of a spouse, mentions trauma Original Post: May 3, 2026 I married my soulmate, the love of my life and the light of my eyes 3.5 years ago. Unfortunately, he died shortly after our wedding due to an illness, in my arms and while holding his parents' hands. Suffice to say this was traumatic for everyone involved, everyone in his family tattooed his name on their wrist (I have a marriage tattoo, so not a name but a date tied to him, which is why I didn't do it), and the whole after-death, mourning, etc. period we bonded very deeply over his memory. For context (this is relevant), I am from country A. My late husband was from country B. I lived with him in country C, and since then I've moved and now live in country D. As my husband was dying, we both moved from C to B, so that burial and everything else would be easier. I then stayed with my in-laws for a while, moved back to C, sold the apartment I owned there shortly after and moved to D. I am thus now stranded, in a way, between my family (all in A) and my in laws family (all in B). I travel ~2 times a year to spend time with in-laws in B, maybe once a year to spend time with my own fam in A, and maybe once a year my entire blood family comes to D to spend time with me. It's an expensive and exhausting arrangement but it works in maintaining both bonds. It also means that when I am in B, I am now for all intents and purposes treated by in-laws, and the entire rest of my late husband's family, like I am their child: I live with them, travel with them around the country, eat with them, play video games together with my "siblings" in law, I am on the walls of their house in holiday photos and spend time with my late husband's cousins and now, these are basically my family too, my mom dad grandparents cousins etc. They're just as mom and dad as my own mom and dad are. And here comes the hard question: I'm in my late 20s. After my hubby died, I did date now and then, with eventually hoping for marriage and kids, but nothing seemed to work, fellow widows know what that's like. And then... I met this guy. And he has been, well, not like my late husband, but you know how sometimes you meet someone and they are YOUR person? And you just know? In a different way, this man is as much a soulmate now as my husband was. And he is very chill with me going to in-laws, mentioning a memory of something I did with my late husband on occasion, having a picture of him in my bedroom, etc. He is caring, loving, understanding and patient, everything a young widow could ask for... and things are moving fast. Which is the problem. Thus far, I never mentioned any relationships to my in-laws. They are aware, I am certain, that I do date, have sex, etc. but they don't ask, and I don't talk, about anything or anyone other than my late husband while in country B. I don't feel like that's respectful to change that, buuuuuut - well, I want to move in with this guy. And I want to stop saying I'm going on 'solo trips' when I'm actually going on trips with this guy. And I love him, a lot, and we are already talking marriage, and children. And I have to tell them that this man now exists in my life, and here I am, in my in-laws' toilet, writing this out at 2am to ask Reddit for advice. With 2 days left before I go back to country D and don't come back here to B until... God knows. Maybe Christmas? I have to tell them, and I want to do it in person while I am here, but I don't know how. I don't want it to seem ostentatious - there is pictures of me and late husband, together, hugging, on holidays, EVERYWHERE in the house, and announcing a new man in my life out of the blue might seem like I'm bragging or something. I'm not. I also don't want it to seem like I'm leaving them aside - I'm not. They are MY mom and dad in law, my gran gran and gram gram in law, my little brother and sister in law, and this will change nothing. Even after I get married. Even if I have children. They remain family to me and kin. But how do I even start this conversation? Because they won't ask. And I don't know how to mention it, in a way that we never speak about it again, in a way that respects and shows that my late husband is STILL my soulmate, still the light of my eyes - he's just not the only one, anymore. I'm scared out of my mind that this will make me lose them. Relevant Comments OOP responds to a comment about overthinking everything and how her late husband’s family might react to the new relationship OOP: Oh I know it's not betrayal. I am fully ok with this, I'm not feeling guilty over it or anything. Part of what made my soulmate well, my soulmate, is his emotional intelligence, his wisdom way beyond his years, his foresight and his empathy. He was dying and yet he took a few hours, sat me down, and made sure he understood and I understood what will happen once he dies. He told me in no uncertain terms that he wants me to date again. Like a petulant child, I told him I'll kill myself instead to not have to suffer a life without him - and I almost did. The lucidity that came after the suicide attempt made me realise he was right, and I don't carry any guilt in my heart, because in my head, it's a bit like polygamy if that makes sense? I still love my husband, deeply, profoundly and every second, but also, he is ok with this. He wanted me to find another good man (or woman). He wanted me to have children, if I wanted them. What do I have to be guilty for? He ain't mad at this, he's cheering me onwards and is probably proud of me for finding such a good catch. His parents are not as open minded. That's what I'm afraid of - their reaction, and the family's reaction as a whole. He comes from a very tightly knit family, and I really enjoy this, how close and personal everyone is with everyone. But they also might find it painful to picture me as OP, Woman Married to Unknown Man, as opposed to OP, Widow of our Dear Departed And Beloved Relative. The thing is, I am both. I will ALWAYS be both. I am wearing my wedding band proudly, continuously, and likely will keep it on a chain after I marry my current partner (and start wearing our wedding bands instead). Even now I have a promise ring of sorts on my middle finger, right next to my wedding band. For me these things are not a contradiction. I contain multitudes. I just don't know how to help my family of kinship also see this and not reject me. OOP on the reasons for wanting children with a partner OOP: Unfortunately, the line is tick tocking on my biological clock. I have a health condition that is degenerative - it might cause me to become infertile later in life. As you can imagine, in our day and age, this put off many men, who don't see why we shouldn't just wait till I'm 35+, but my late husband and I shared what we knew we always wanted out of life: at least two children (amongst other things). I'm only rushing because I'm afraid that if I don't have all the kids I want by 32-33, I may never have them :(. I wish women didn't have a biological clock, so I didn't have to do that. But life forces cruel choices on us. Had my late husband not died, we were considering starting children at 26 or so, so in a way (and I know this may sound silly) I feel a bit like I'm already "behind" on my planned timeline. House ownership? Check. Good job and being the breadwinner? Check. Finding a good partner to settle down and have kids with? Well, it was a check, and then life told me not only do I not get to have that check anymore, I have to keep staying alive and suffer through what's left. And I'm doing just that, I went to grief counselling, I made my peace with it, life sucks, so I'm just trying to make the best of a bad situation... but I know it's perhaps harder to understand for someone without a degenerative disease. Trust me, I wouldn't rush, if only I felt like I could afford to. (And before anyone asks, no, it's not inheritable.) OOP on if she has her relationships with her biological family as she only mentions much more about her in-laws than her own OOP: I don't, I'm much more close to my biological mom and my bio family over in-laws, but my father is an alcoholic and a bit of a gambling addict and growing up I have fought with him, shouted at him, and even physically assaulted him twice out of sheer anger (I definitely had anger issues as a teenager, and broke my dear mother's heart countless times over my inability to contain them). Now as an adult I have learned to love and appreciate him from a distance. I also love and have always loved children, and my parents are single children, so I have no cousins, and two of my four grandparents were dead by the time I married, so my grandparent exposure has been fantastic, but sadly limited. Comparatively, my late husband has 4 living grandparents (who are now great grandparents), 12 uncles and aunts, and... 18 cousins? I am close with around 9 of them. Of which some are children. And I love being here, playing with them, playing in general. It feels like family. It feels like what I want MY family to be when I have children. When I grew up we didn't really celebrate Christmas, we were too poor. When I grew up I had a chronic illness so everyone was constantly worried that the only child in the entire family will die if they don't take care of me, so we didn't travel much. When I grew up... people loved me, I was a very loved and wanted child, but I was also a difficult, angry, depressed child who felt the weight of the world on her shoulders and I know I didn't make my family's lives easy, the opposite. Which is why I moved to C by myself, took student loans, did a very good university on scholarships and debt, and am now making enough money to give my parents the life they never had growing up themselves (I send them money every month so they can do whatever they want and be happy with them). I feel like I'm allowed this small, vicarious, selfish luxury, to be in this family that's not my blood and pretend I belong. Play with the Legos I never had as a baby. Coo at all the toddlers I never played with, play football with the aunts and uncles I never had. It's not mom and dad's fault that they are who they are. They sacrificed everything to raise me. Sometimes they starved so that I never lacked anything. But at the same time, what do I have back in the home country to visit? Dying grandparents? Sad memories? I love my country, but I don't want to go back. I want mom and dad and my grandparents, as much as they can, to keep coming to country C to spend time with me. I want to make so much money that I can bring my mom and dad here to live with me permanently, even, once they retire and my grandparents die. I just don't see the point in visiting my country of origin, not because it's a bad country (I won't say what it is, but it is objectively an amazing country y'all have heard of), but because I have such a small family that I can just bring them all to me instead. We can go to cute cafes and buy stupid adult Legos and visit overpriced zoos and do all the silly stuff we haven't done before now. I'm killing myself working overtime with a chronic illness to make it happen. I don't think it means I'm more distant from my parents and grandparents of blood. It's just different. Commenter 2: Out of curiosity what are the timelines here? How long were you with your late husband and how long have you been with your current partner? What cultures and continents are we dealing with? My white Western anglophone POV might be out of line, you know? OOP: We're all Europeans, countries A B C D are a mix of Eastern, Southern and Western Europe. I was with my husband 4 years in total, this new guy I've dated for... we're coming up on 8 months? We're not getting married soon or anything, just talking about moving in together. OOP on the timeline of her dating, marriage, and her husband's passing OOP: I first came to country B to visit maybe 1.5 years before he died? We started to bond and do things together all of us already, for sure, but it definitely kicked up a notch after he died. I had a lot of cousins and aunts and uncles at my wedding I barely even knew the names of, but now I would trust them all with my life as if they were blood relatives. They also started visiting me in D after I bought my house there, so by definition after he died. He's been gone 3.5 years, we were married half a year, and we were both 24 at the time. New guy is 29. In-laws are from a very Catholic culture, I don't want to say the country specifically, but nobody in the family is religious. Does this help?   Editor's note: OOP updated into the original post Update: May 4, 2026 (same post, next day) EDIT: I DID IT I talked only to my mother in law, because I was a bit afraid to talk to them both, and I kept putting it off until literally the last second before we went to bed but, I did it. I told her that this guy is the first serious relationship I've had since hubby passed away, that it's quite a new thing (I was afraid to tell her it's been a long time - I can come clean about this small lie later on, if he becomes more than boyfriend) but that I've known him for a longer while because we're in the same friend group, and to my surprise, she asked me to tell her more about him! She cut me off at some point then and told me she is very happy for me, but she only wants one thing from me: to stay in touch with them, and to not push them aside, and to that I told her I had been freaking out the whole time while in country B about how to tell her, and she said it’s silly, even seemed to get a bit cross at me that I could ever be afraid to tell her because we are family, and I told her to me she is mom as much as my own mom is mom, so I was afraid to lose her and lose that, and anyway we hugged and she is very happy for me and we bonded over how we were both afraid that this moment would distance me from them, but I reassured her that literally nothing will change between us, and I am as much her daughter now as I will always be. So yeah: turns out, y'all were right, I freaked out over nothing much, and while I am uncertain as to when, or if, rest of family will find out, since she is the one I am closest with and she also knows her children and husband best, I trust that she'll mention it to them when she thinks that the time is right. At the same time I told my boyfriend, and he is very happy that it all went well, and congratulated me for it : D I did chicken out on telling her the full truth, how long we've been together, and stuff like that, as well as to have a full "we need to sit down" talk with father in law, but all in all, I think this is as ok as it will get, and I am reassured that even if he doesn't take it as well, mom (in law?) is in my corner and she is happy for me. Extra detail that entirely blew me away: the guys who said to mention to her that husband did tell me to remarry were more spot on the money than they thought. Turns out, not only did he have this conversation with me, he ALSO had this conversation with them, so she said she is ok with it especially because late hubby told her that this is what he wants. I do feel a bit uneasy at the thought of how this might have went had he not, but once again from beyond the grave and 3 years ago he protected his wife and made sure I am safe and accepted by his family, which. Guys. At 24, while dying. I cannot put into words how much I love this man. I would die for him to get even another hour of life. Until his last day he thought of me and loved me. How blessed are we that we get to have experienced a man such as him into our lives. I dunno how all of the guys who wanted an update will get it but uh... here you go? lol   Editor's note: below are two posts that are tangentially to the original and update posts WIBTAH to go ahead with buying a bunk bed despite my partner's hesitation?: May 17, 2026 (nearly two weeks later) Long story short, both my partner (30M) and I (28F) currently live in apartments with roommates. I have finally managed to save enough money and buy an apartment that I absolutely love, and since I wanted to move in with my partner eventually, this turned out to be a great moment for us to do so. We talked about it and, the conclusion we reached is that as I bought the apartment by myself, he will pay me half of the mortgage as rent after he moves in until (if) we get married. Anyway, one of the biggest reasons why I wanted to buy instead of continuing to rent is that I ADORE loft beds. They are my favourite beds in the world, I love the "living upstairs, couch beanbag with PS5 and projector and RGB lighting downstairs behind princess curtains" aesthetic, it's literally my dream. This is something I told my partner for a long time even before buying this apartment, that this is my dream bed, I want to buy one day, and it was a big motivator to buying (in our country almost all apartments for rent are furnished already so low chances to have a loft bed unless I buy the place instead of renting). Never has anything been said by him against this. I even showed him my Pinterest board with how I want it to look, 0 complaints. Now that the place is ready and I am starting to prepare for ordering furniture, ending my rent contract, and moving in, I am showing him again all of the inspo pics and he seems... less than thrilled? He asked a few times if I am sure this is the best choice for a bed, what if him or I fall off of the ladder at night, etc. I told him that the living room will also have a very comfortable guest bed AND a sofa with an extendable bed, so we don't have to sleep together if he doesn't like the bed, but he's all "hmm" and "maybe" and non-committal noises and it's a bit stressful tbh. Feels like he's raining on my parade. I even told him that there's no pressure with the move, I am fortunate enough to be able to pay the mortgage by myself if he isn't certain about moving together anymore, and he got a bit upset at me for implying we'd be giving up our shared dream of living together and sleeping together in the same bed just because he isn't sure about the loft bed idea. I don't know how to tell him this gently, but the loft bed isn't negotiable. It's absolutely happening. He knew about it for such a long time. At the same time, I asked my best friend (who is a man) what he thinks I should do and he said that I should be more open to compromise with this because compromise is the heart of a good relationship. But I don't want to compromise. I want my loft bed. WIBTAH to go ahead with buying it even though my partner isn't super thrilled with the idea? Sorry if my English is bad or the text sounds badly worded, English isn't my native language. Edit: I see some people are confused and think I am talking about those loft beds children have, I am talking about the double-bed sized loft beds that IKEA has for adults, specifically this one: https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/stora-loft-bed-frame-black-80160867/ Edit 2: fair enough, I take people's points about the weight limit, I'll inquire with a carpenter to have a custom bed built in the same style, but with a sturdier frame. I hear your safety concerns. Edit 3: a kind redditor suggested a bed and the company just happens to deliver to where I live, so it looks like I'll be buying this beauty, with a very much 2-adults'-weight maximum weight to it: https://abc-meubles.com/fr/lit-mezzanine-bois/1452-1270341-lit-mezzanine-sylvia-escalier-cube.html#/67-couleur-brut_sans_vernis Cheers to all the other suspended (apparently bunk is not the word, loft bed is correct) bed owners out there pouring in their stories and helpful advice Tonight I have a date and guess what topic we'll discuss over some nice dinner - will update later! Edit 4: This sub won't let me post comments anymore cause y'all have downvoted my comments answering your questions so much that it fell under some threshold. So no updates or INFO answers anymore. Too bad. Also please stop mentioning "guest rooms". This is not the US. It is a 1 bedroom apartment in a European capital city where the average 2 bedroom apartment is at least 1 million EUR. It doesn't have the immense amount of space that American houses have. We all wish we had those houses. Those houses here, in bumfuck nowhere in the countryside, would be between 1 and 2 million EUR. Edit 5: we didn't break up. We talked about it, and I posted an update on it: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1tg76o0/update_wibtah_to_go_ahead_with_buying_a_bunk_bed/ To everyone cursing me out and wishing for the death of my relationship, sorry babes, it ain't happening. AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions, splitting between NTAs and YTAs Editor's note: OOP made numerous responses in this post, the majority of her responses have been downvoted. I am listing significant details not covered Relevant Comments Commenter 1: .... all loft beds are literally under "kids' loft beds & bunk beds" category in Ikea. It's definitely 100% NOT for adults. There's only 1 double mattress loft bed in the states and They even say: "Please note that our loft bed frames are designed for one person at a time even if 2 or more persons total weight is less than 220lb per bed limit." You're mistaken OOP: We don't live in the states. In my country's IKEA website, bunk beds are not aged like they seem to be in the US. Commenter 2: What are your ceiling heights though? Are you going to be bumping your head all the time? OOP: If I remember correctly, they're a bit under 4 meters (editor's note: a bit over 13 feet). It's an old apartment and has blessedly freakishly tall ceilings. OOP on the cost of a place in her country OOP: In my country an apartment with more than 2 rooms is a million EUR (editor's note: $1,160,400.00 USD). I'm being realistic here. Already being able to own my place before I'm 30 is massively ahead of my generation. + Rent is generally higher than mortgage, because housing market sucks ass. 2. a 2 bedroom apartment is around a million EUR, because housing market sucks ass. 3. Being able to afford any real estate in this nightmare of a country is already huge, the average first time house buyer is over 40 years old. Buying my own place before 30 is immense in itself. Commenter 3: it’s your house, not his. if he wants an option on furnishing, he should be paying half the mortgage and half the price of the furnishings. OOP: Technically he's prying half of the mortgage amount per month, but I put my foot down and this will be in the form of a rent contract. It is my property and it will remain my property. OOP on who is paying for the bed OOP: And I'm paying for the bed lol. Like he ain't paying 50%, another commenter made me realise how stupid I am to consider someone else's vision for a bed when I'm buying the furniture, for an apartment I bought... OOP on the weight limit of the loft bed that might not hold her and her partner OOP: We both weigh, together, 130kg. If the bed breaks under us I'll file a customer complaint because wtf lol. Commenter 4: INFO: Do you like having sex with your partner? Do they make loft beds big enough for 2 people? Would you consider a loft that's more of a couch on top? I'm not gonna shit on you for your dream even if I don't get it but I'm just gonna tell you right now you are describing a single person's lifestyle not something that is practical for a couple. So decide which one you want more. OOP: The loft bed frame is 200x200, I've already had a ton of sex in this exact type of loft bed when I had a very short FWB stint in college with another girl who had this bed, trust me, it's 100% sturdy enough lol. Like you can do all kinds of bondage in it even because of how big the frame is and how many board nooks it has available - it makes for some INSANE shibari if your partner knows how to make it! The loft bed love I have is unrelated to this lol, I loved loft beds even before discovering their BDSM potential, but the adult, queen sized loft beds are definitely made with sex in mind, take my word on this ;) OOP on considering hers and her partner's heights OOP: We're both short people and the place has high ceilings, so we shouldn't have problems hitting our heads. Our sex life is, let's say, potentially adventurous: given that we both have housemates, we haven't had the chance to try lots of crazy stuff, but this apartment will be a bit of a chance to explore some kinks and fetishes we both have in common. The bunk bed will help with that also, since there are lots of posts and polls to wrap rope around on it ;) + We're both about the same height, 168-170cm, idk what that is in American units. (editor's note: approximately 5'5") Commenter 5: I mean if the bed is more important to you than the partner is, which it sounds like is the case, then I think that says a lot about your relationship. OOP: It's not about the bed itself, same as it wasn't about the Iranian yoghurt. This is something I communicated as a non-negotiable to him forever ago, it is a dream I actively sank tens of thousands of euros to achieve. The fact that he's only now, when we're 95% there, saying he doesn't like it or is a dealbreaker, feels to me like if I was dating some guy for 10 years with the clear understanding that we both want children, only for him to change his mind up and say he needs to think last moment. You know what I mean? This is a dream of mine he was aware of for pretty much years and only now when it's about to happen he reveals he doesn't like it. If he hated the concept why not tell me sooner? Like when I showed him my inspo Pinterest boards? OOP on the deed of the apartment OOP: I'm sorry, is his name on the deed to this house? Is he buying the furniture? Are we going 50/50 on it? No? Ah, well. Equals isn't just a vibe, equals is a thing counted in cold hard cash. + I have only my name on the deed, he will have a rental contract with no equity claim to my property if he does move in with me. Commenter 6: YTA. You want him to move in, but he doesn’t even get a say in any furniture and he's paying half of the bills. Then you told him the bed is non-negotiable and he can sleep elsewhere or LIVE elsewhere. If this is your dying hill and something to strain your relationship over you have growing to do. OOP: He's paying rent. I paid the down deposit, I pay and am responsible for this house. As far as I am concerned he can have the certainty and joy of us living together, but unless he coughs up some down deposit and we buy a property together, the same way my landlords certainly don't ask me how I want my rental apartment furnished, he also doesn't get a say. We are both adults and I won't be a doormat and let him act as if he bought this house. OOP on whose idea was to move in together OOP:He's the one who keeps pushing for us to move in together as a great opportunity. I won't lie, having to not pay half of the mortgage would be easier on my wallet, and he only works part time, so he could do household chores (he already said he'd want to cook for us and clean the place so that I don't have to hire cleaning help)... I'm ok with him moving in but if he doesn't I won't die.   [Update] WIBTAH to go ahead with buying a bunk bed despite my partner's hesitation?: May 17, 2026 (same day, hours later) Short update to all the lovers of loft beds (I have now learned it's called loft and not bunk) and all of those fervently calling me a thousand names and acting like I'm torturing my gem and babe of a partner by having him move in with me. We just had a date night. It was lovely, if a bit cold (why is it so cold so close to summer, anyway?), and with my mind heavy from all the commenters absolutely losing their shit at the concept of shorter-than-average adults sleeping in anything other than the most insanely massive beds known to man, I gently prodded the topic of the loft bed back into conversation. I put all my cards on table and was fully honest, told him that I am hurt that he seems to not have taken me seriously before, that I want to find a compromise that makes him happy as well, but at the same time, that this bed is very important to me and I am not sure where to go from here, but I want to discuss it seriously, because his dismissive attitude made me unsure about the future. To my surprise, he was himself surprised that I took his grumpiness about the bed so seriously. He said he's still not thrilled at the idea, that he was hoping I had reconsidered a bit in light of the negatives he raised, but that if that's what I really want, he'll be there for me for it. And then we got to planning. I won't bore the good folks with too many details; I showed him the French bed someone suggested from the last post (I linked it in the previous post), he liked that the stairs look way less slippery than the IKEA ladder, suggested we put some anti-slip surface carpets on them for extra safety and also that we bolt the contraption to the walls to reduce shaking during, ahem, adult activities, and then he asked me if I think we could fit a bed underneath that bed, and if I'd be ok with that. I said probably yes, but that it wouldn't be a massive bed. He said that's fine. So that's what's happening. The gaming console and beanbag combo will have to relocate somewhere else (the office, most likely - its existence seems to have confused a lot of people, just to help clarify, it's a 1 bedroom apartment with a small office room which is too small to be a bedroom by itself), the downstairs curtains don't really fit into the picture anymore, but we'll put a bed underneath the loft bed, so he can choose whether he wants to sleep in his bachelor-style pad under the stairs (Harry Potter jokes were had) or climb up with me in the upper area. He also said that he hopes I'll grow tired of the "heights" sooner rather than later, to which I jokingly said he'll have to ground me down a lot for that to happen (does this joke make sense in English? it's like when you direct electricity into the ground by reaching up to the sky with a metal antenna), and in response he gave me a tight hug and kiss. The world didn't explode. We didn't break up. We'll just have an even funkier bed situation than before: a double bed underneath the loft bed. It will probably look something like this (replace the table and single bed with a full bed underneath the loft bed): https://pin.it/4SG9BidJt But it's not that bad. We might even put the curtains on the upper side of the bed (the ceiling? a rail? not sure yet) to keep the whimsy aspect and then it might look like something like this: https://pin.it/16BNKDu2e We also, to the annoyance of that person complaining about who makes Pinterest boards anymore, agreed to make a shared pins board to be more in touch with this project and how we see it. Uh... the end? I know some people wanted an update once the bed came home, but realistically, that will be one month from now or so, I thought I'd give this small update until then. The drama my little princess whimsy bed truly was crazy so hopefully this calms some folks down. Editor's note: again, OOP made numerous responses in this post, the majority of her responses have been downvoted Some Comments Has OOP slept in a loft bed before? OOP: I did have it in one of the previous rentals I had, and an ex-girlfriend of mine also had it. It's very much a love it or hate it thing I'm starting to learn - some people absolutely despise them and some really like them, one thing is for certain though, they're not for houses with low ceilings. Saw someone say they had less than 1m between the bed and ceiling in their one as a child, which sounds like a casket with extra steps. Commenter 1: You should show him your other post and comments so he can see exactly how uncaring and dismissively you spoke about him. He has a right to know how you actually view him. It would probably be an eye opener for him. OOP: I think he's happier enough not seeing my angrier side. Some of the stuff people said there... phew. I have a temper, it's in my people's blood, we can light up from nothing, fiery blood. I did say some bullshit I didn't actually mean, when redditors call me entitled retarded a child a bitch a psychopath and every other name under the sun, of course it gets under my skin and makes me aggressive. But with him I'm feeling the kind of calm I've never felt before. As long as we find compromise and respect each other, there is no reason to become upset. He hasn't harmed before, ever, has never raised his voice or called me names. I have no reason for anger with my love. If anything, he seemed more happy that we'll get a cat than anything. And now we have to figure out how to make a cat staircase that's safe for it to climb up in bed and back... I still don't see the joy in it, but that's his lifelong dream, so everyone is moving forward with their plans it seems 😉 Commenter 2: He said he didn’t want the bed, but you are going to it anyhow. You aren’t a great partner. You are prioritizing a “fun idea” over his comfort. OOP: We made a compromise, that's how compromises work. I am happy, he is happy. A compromise did not mean tossing the bed out or breaking up with him or whatever people kept saying I should do.   THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]