Under Cabinet Lighting

... that USA Govt Senators and Cabinet members and high ranking and... drift with wind, and appearance under certain lighting/sensor conditions. To boldly claim...

... to be reorganising Leon's tea cabinet with four of her ten... to the deck, and soft lighting that Luxion had calibrated to... it was Mégane's first break under his house. Leon allowed himself.... We have to go. Tonight. Under the stars. The steam rising..., letting each word land. "Currently under Baron Leon Fou Bartfort's wardship...

... Patelrock Pinball $ 120.00 Cabinet - Shooter Rods Predator Launch... Shot Shop € 99.00 Lighting - Under Cabinet Pinsignal for Predator Hit the...

...)PROFANITY Pinballrom € 99.00 Lighting - Under Cabinet Pinsignal for DEMOLITION MAN (Williams... -SOUND Pinballrom $ 37.50 Cabinet - Shooter Rods Fish Tales...! Pinball Haus $ 159.99 Lighting - Other Demolition Man DM... REVISION) Pinballrom $ 40.00 Cabinet - Other 3D Start Button...

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... items! $ 30.00 Cabinet - Other Spooky Snacks Coin...Pinbald Mods € 99.00 Lighting - Under Cabinet Pinsignal for Scooby Doo Hit... From: $ 19.95 Cabinet - Other PinSteps for Scooby...Patelrock Pinball $ 12.50 Cabinet - Other Scooby Doo ...Nezzy's Pinball Prints € 17.00 Cabinet - Decals Scooby Doo inside...on Pinball $ 259.99 Lighting - Other scooby doo hologram...Pinball Mods $ 40.00 Lighting - Led Brave Boy Domes...

... the spotlight he was currently under. "No such thing, Peter. ...he trudged closer to Isaac under the plain-tell amusement of ...feeling cramped. Her hands tucked under her chest, an action that...down shop in New York under SHIELD's radar was absolutely ... highly environmental resistant, active configurable lighting that changes based on the...man went through his lower cabinet before coming back up with...

My contractor without asking me, installed under cabinet lighting and upper cabinets inside lights under one switch. Now he says I need to pay for another day's work because I want something unusual? Is he correct or just unexperienced?

... speaker lighting kit Shark Cage mod for 3D glasses Light Blue cabinet... protectors (still sealed) Stern dust cover Fly ball mod installed under... Pinside Shops items! € 100.00 Cabinet - Shooter Rods Jaws Buoy... Knob Custom Pinball € 138.00 Cabinet - Other Jaws Action Button...! Vincent Mods $ 22.00 Lighting - Other Jaws 50th Anniversary... PixelPete Mods $ 115.00 Cabinet - Shooter Rods Jaws Shooter...

... Certificate of Authenticity (framed) Speaker Lighting kit with D&D inserts Authentic... etched back glass. Has just under 500 plays and is mint... Stern dust cover and gold cabinet protectors. Please reach out with... Wizard Mod $ 125.00 Cabinet - Toppers Dungeons and Dragons... Kip's Kreations $ 209.00 Cabinet - Other DUNGEONS & DRAGONS... Kreations From: $ 79.00 Cabinet - Other The Mimic Sidekick...

... New N Box , Pin has under 400 games Played , Pin belongs... Lighted Pinball Mods € 17.00 Cabinet - Decals Black Knight Sword...! Duke Pinball $ 20.00 Lighting - Backbox Expression Speaker Light...

...Shops items! $ 225.00 Cabinet - (Alt) Translites Attack ... Designs $ 449.00 Cabinet - Decals Attack from ...Mars RAD CALS Cabinet Art Mircoplayfields From: $ ...from Mars MIRROR RAD CALS Cabinet Art Mircoplayfields $ 44....PinBoss Mods € 99.00 Lighting - Under Cabinet Pinsignal for ATTACK FROM ...From: $ 30.00 Cabinet - Toppers Attack From Mars... Universal $ 18.00 Cabinet - Other Attack From Mars...

... along the wall. A tall cabinet with pull-out trays of translucent...; maybe it was just the lighting as the sun started cutting ... a full snake transformation in under 3 seconds (2d6 = 8) - ... Acquire some form of custom lighting control for the battlefield (2d6 = ... some means that they are under illusion, will not be able ...

... removed. The wiring in the cabinet is ok, but for some ... is a very small chip under one of the front legs, ... Shops items! $ 120.00 Cabinet - Toppers TRON topper Slipstream ... Mods From: $ 59.99 Lighting - Other Tron the grid ... Pinball Mods $ 18.00 Cabinet - Other Tron Rule Card ... Mods From: $ 59.99 Lighting - Other Tron cycel Lighted ...

... models) ULEKstore $ 30.00 Cabinet - Other Lyman Sheats Complete... Hideaway, LLC $ 39.50 Cabinet - Sound/Speakers Speaker insert... Pinball Haus $ 20.00 Cabinet - Other CCr speaker grill... Hideaway, LLC $ 60.00 Lighting - Other Light-Up Flasher Cactus... City Pinball € 99.00 Lighting - Under Cabinet Pinsignal for CACTUS CANYON (CGC...

... Pinball Mods $ 75.00 Cabinet - Armor And Blades custom... arcade-cabinets.com $ 60.00 Cabinet - Decals Flipper Side Art... Cut Nac's Protector's € 17.00 Cabinet - Decals Avengers infinity Quest... Pinball Mods € 99.00 Lighting - Under Cabinet Pinsignal for Avengers Hit the... Lights € 100.00 Cabinet - Shooter...

... items! From: $ 79.00 Cabinet - Other Magical Sink Sidekick... Shop From: $ 75.00 Cabinet - Other Harry Potter Hippogriff... Duke Pinball € 99.00 Lighting - Under Cabinet Pinsignal for Harry Potter (JJP...

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...tables and desks were buried under floating digital holograms of ... They were complete with diffused lighting halos, gilded white-and-silver furniture, ... triggering a full volley under the thin guise of a...and not have half stuck under the waterline in combat, ...Tabula swiftly closed the empty cabinet he had been inspecting ransacking...only be described as "driving under the influence"— primarily because ...

... Pin Monk € 99.00 Lighting - Under Cabinet Pinsignal for Star Wars Fall... Duke Pinball $ 35.00 Cabinet - Sound/Speakers Spike 3... Patelrock Pinball $ 40.00 Cabinet - Armor And Blades STAR... Jonny Mods $ 5.00 Cabinet - Decals Star Wars Fall...

... Shops items! $ 169.99 Cabinet - Shooter Rods Led Zeppelin... PinballCards.com $ 5.00 Cabinet - Decals Led Zeppelin Speaker... Decal Pinball Fuzz € 17.00 Cabinet - Decals Led Zeppelin Inside... Mods From: $ 59.99 Lighting - Other Led Zeppelin albums... Pinball Mods € 99.00 Lighting - Under Cabinet Pinsignal for Led Zeppelin Hit...

... the one off armor and lighting selection. Great playing game and... Pinside Shops items! € 99.00 Lighting - Under Cabinet Pinsignal for THE WALKING DEAD... Mods From: $ 59.99 Lighting - Other The Walking Dead ... Pin-Decals From: $ 59.99 Lighting - Other The Walking Dead ... Pin-Decals From: $ 34.95 Lighting - Led The Walking Dead ...General Illumination kit Mitchell Lighting » View all 77 shop items...

This is the undercab lighting I just saw in a $1.2 million home. It's a house flip by a shitty builder who buys every place that pops up for sale in my neighborhood. The whole place is done as cheaply as possible. Bonus photos are the panel and ceiling access panels on junction boxes all over the house. I'm also reasonably certain that panel is still full of aluminum wiring. submitted by /u/bythorsthunder to r/electrical [link] [comments]

Just wanted to share my proudest project! The 4th and 5th photos were taken when we visited prior to moving in, and the 6th the night we moved in. The landlord had let me choose paint colours for the walls in advance which was great, and kindly agreed to unfurnish the whole flat so I could bring in my own! I made some instant upgrades like the pendant lights, new tap, cabinet hardware, painted the tile grout, and replaced the under counter lighting fairly quickly, but was desperate to paint the entire kitchen! (I do love a wood kitchen but it was looking rough and sun bleached, also 100% not real wood!) I should have asked permission but I knew one of the other tenants had previously painted their cabinets so instead I asked forgiveness knowing it would look so much better 🤭 and now I’m sure they’d increase the rent price for any future tenants if I ever leave so they’re thrilled with the changes I’ve made in the kitchen and the entire rest of the flat! Cabinet colours are Joas White and Card Room Green by farrow and ball. Initially after painting the green cabinets I thought I needed to change the wall colour as you could say they clash a bit, but over time I’ve grown to love the unexpected pairing 🥰 submitted by /u/Helpful_Formal_3511 to r/HomeDecorating [link] [comments]

In December, a former student of an elite Singapore primary school posted a video recalling how her classmates were genuinely shocked to discover - from a textbook - that most Singaporeans live in HDB flats. They weren't being cruel. They simply didn't know. She could name only one classmate who lived in public housing. Two months later, the Ministry of Finance published its first-ever measure of wealth inequality. The wealth Gini coefficient stands at 0.55 - significantly higher than the income Gini of 0.38. The top one per cent of households holds fourteen per cent of total wealth. The top five per cent holds a third. And the ministry's own paper concedes these figures are "likely to be underestimated," because tracking the assets of the wealthy in a global financial hub built on confidentiality is, to put it gently, structurally difficult. The elite school children and the wealth data describe the same country. A place where parallel tracks run so cleanly that the people designing the system and the people living under it can occupy the same island without ever seeing each other's Singapore. The conventional explanation for Singapore's welfare architecture is pragmatism. A small, resource-scarce nation chose self-reliance over dependency. CPF forces citizens to save for their own retirement. HDB subsidies help them own homes. Workfare supplements low wages. MediShield Life covers catastrophic healthcare costs. The system works, or at least, it has worked, and the philosophy behind it is coherent: help people help themselves. But here is what the philosophy actually produces. CPF is not a pension. It is a forced-savings vehicle that transfers retirement risk entirely to the individual, which only works if every individual earns enough to save enough. Those who don't aren't covered by the philosophy. They are contradicted by it. HDB is not social housing. It is a property market with subsidised entry, designed to appreciate, which means housing wealth accrues to those who bought early and cheaply, and becomes less accessible to each successive generation. Workfare is not welfare. It is a wage supplement conditional on employment, which vanishes the moment you lose your job. Singapore already redistributes. It subsidises, supplements, and co-pays. It simply refuses to call any of it welfare, because the ideology of self-reliance demands that every transfer look like an earned benefit rather than a social entitlement. At what point does "self-reliance" become a branding exercise for a welfare state that won't name itself? The resistance to calling it what it is runs deeper than fiscal conservatism. It is ideological. And the ideology is most visible not in what the state does - it already redistributes - but in the language it uses to disguise the fact. Every mechanism is named so that it sounds like your effort rather than their provision. The grammar of self-reliance must never be broken. Consider the architecture of political compensation. Ministerial salaries are benchmarked to the median income of the top one thousand Singapore citizen earners - the very group whose wealth the MOF paper says is probably underreported - with a forty per cent discount framed as sacrifice. The entry-level minister's norm salary is 1.1 million dollars. The review committee convened in January to reassess this framework will update the benchmark. Nobody has proposed updating the data. Or consider Ridout Road, where two cabinet ministers rented state-owned colonial bungalows - one at twenty-six thousand five hundred dollars a month, the other spending over two hundred thousand on renovations - and were cleared of wrongdoing by an investigation led by a cabinet colleague. The Prime Minister said he "cannot outsource" the determination of what is proper. He was right, technically. The system investigated itself and found nothing wrong. That is precisely the problem. This is not corruption in the classical sense. It is something more durable: a governing class so insulated from median life that the distance has become invisible, to them. Denmark made a different choice. Not a more generous choice, a structurally different one. The Danish model of flexicurity combines some of the easiest hiring-and-firing rules in Europe with generous unemployment benefits and aggressive state-funded retraining. You can be let go on short notice. But when you are, the state catches you with up to ninety per cent of your previous salary for up to two years, on the condition that you actively retrain for new work. The result is a labour market that is simultaneously more fluid than Singapore's and more secure. This is counterintuitive, and that is the point. Denmark's system does not punish risk. It absorbs it collectively, which means workers accept industrial change instead of fearing it, and employers restructure without the social cost that Singapore outsources to individuals. Denmark spends roughly twenty-eight per cent of GDP on social protection. Singapore spends approximately nine. That nineteen-point gap is not a spending difference. It is a trust difference. The Nordic model trusts citizens and taxes them heavily. Singapore's model distrusts citizens and taxes them lightly, then charges them heavily for services. Whether the state exists to protect citizens from market failure, or to ensure they face it alone, is not a fiscal question. It is a political one. But distrust, sustained long enough, becomes self-fulfilling. Design a system where every citizen's retirement depends on individual savings, where housing is an appreciating asset rather than a social good, where support vanishes the moment employment does, and within a generation you will have produced citizens who behave exactly as the system assumed they would. The ideology didn't just shape policy. It shaped the people. And now the people sustain the ideology voluntarily, which is the most effective form of political control there is: one that no longer requires enforcement. So here is the part that neither the government nor the opposition will say plainly. The obstacle to a Nordic-style social contract in Singapore is not the People's Action Party. It is the Singaporeans the system produced. Three days after the MOF paper documented rising wealth inequality and declining social mobility, Budget 2026 arrived. The fiscal surplus for the previous year was fifteen point one billion dollars, more than double the initial estimate. The government's response: two hundred to four hundred dollars in cash handouts, CDC vouchers, and U-Save rebates. Even a PAP backbencher, Shawn Loh, stood up in Parliament to propose returning surpluses above two per cent of GDP directly to citizens and called for progressive stamp duties on inherited property. Workers' Party MP Louis Chua went further, calling wealth inequality Singapore's "deepest division" and urging the reinstatement of estate duty, abolished in 2008. The government's reply, via Acting Transport Minister Jeffrey Siow: "We have no plans at this point to seek additional legislative or administrative powers to require more granular asset disclosure solely for inequality measurement." They will not even sharpen the tools to measure the problem, let alone fix it. Even the reforms now being floated - higher property taxes, progressive stamp duties - trim the top without lifting the floor. They generate revenue, not entitlements. And in a country that actively recruits ultra-high-net-worth residents as policy, the top replenishes itself faster than any tax can trim it. Singapore does not have a wealth inequality problem despite its economic strategy. It has one because of it. And yet. Before we reach for outrage at the government, a more uncomfortable question: would Singaporeans actually vote for what a Nordic model requires? Not higher taxes. That is the easy, tired version of the question. The real one cuts closer. The Nordic social contract requires treating housing as shelter, not as an investment vehicle. Over half of average household wealth across every income quintile in Singapore is held in home equity. When you check your HDB resale value - and you do - you are not merely a homeowner. You are a stakeholder in a system that requires property prices to keep rising, which is structurally incompatible with treating housing as a universal social good. A Danish-style housing model would stabilise your home's value. In Singapore, that is not policy. That is a threat. It requires treating education as levelling, not sorting. Finland has no elite schools. Every school is designed to produce roughly equivalent outcomes. Would Singaporean parents accept that? The influencer Nicole Chen, responding to the viral video, said she would still enrol her children in her elite alma mater - for the opportunities, the co-curriculars, the overseas trips. She is not wrong to want these things for her children. She is describing exactly why the system cannot change. It requires a culture that discourages status comparison. The Danes have a name for it - Janteloven - the social norm that no one should consider themselves above others. Singapore's entire social engine runs on the opposite principle: visible markers of success, relentless ranking, the quiet tracking of who upgraded from BTO to resale to condo. The Nordic model doesn't just redistribute money. It requires a society that stops keeping score the way we do. The MOF paper diagnosed the disease. Budget 2026 prescribed paracetamol. But the deeper question is not what the government is willing to do. It is what we are willing to give up - and whether we can still tell the difference between what we genuinely value and what the system trained us to want. The question is not whether Singapore will adopt the Nordic model. It won't. The question is whether Singaporeans would vote for a society where nobody keeps score, and whether we would even recognise ourselves in it. submitted by /u/Capable_Solution_644 to r/singapore [link] [comments]

When I first saw the trend, I thought it was ridiculous, but they add so much coziness! I’m yet to install under cabinet lighting and currently only have the light from my vent hood, but I think I’m gonna still keep the table lamp. submitted by /u/UpbeatGur9055 to r/interiordecorating [link] [comments]

We are redoing our small kitchen and were asked if we would like to do lighting under the cabinetry. Is this an important thing to have now in a kitchen? Any pros / cons? submitted by /u/Gold_Gazelle9519 to r/kitchenremodel [link] [comments]

Installed 2 strips (~1.5m & 1.75m) without a valance. Very pleased with the look. Pic 1 glam shot rgb, pic 2 task lighting, bonus pic 3 of the installation mess having to empty cupboards etc. lost nearly half of each strip, sad I can’t use the excess, but excellent lights nevertheless, really bright, no shadows with a continuous line source. I originally intended a 3rd strip to go round the corner but kept it relatively economical with 2. Needed to use a little glue for the end caps but otherwise the adhesive is holding well so far. Happy to answer any questions or upload different pics if others are planning the same, I’d been waiting for this to come out for a while. Dimmed to 1% gives a nice atmospheric look on our ‘Evening’ scene without reflections on the TV (opposite wall) being a distraction. submitted by /u/locusislost to r/Hue [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/M1KE2121 to r/electricians [link] [comments]

I am moving into a new build house in a few weeks and have only just realised we don’t have under kitchen cabinet lighting, which is something I’d really love. Does anyone know any good hacks to DIY some? I thought about LED strip lighting but obviously there are gaps between some cabinets and we can’t afford to use more than one plug socket, as we have lots of appliances, and don’t want wires trailing everywhere. We also have considered rechargeable lights, but it would be rediculous if they need charging every couple of days, and motion sensor lights may not react unless we are near them. Alternatively does anyone know how much it would cost to have them professionally installed? Or how easy it would be to do? Any advice welcome! submitted by /u/DeliciousTie5454 to r/DIYUK [link] [comments]

Building a kitchen and bar area from scratch. I realize this is a broad and probably subjective question, but is there a gold standard in under cabinet lights? We have overheads and windows, so plenty of task light for when it’s needed. When the cooking is done and the table is set, we want to be able to turn off the overheads and light up our backsplashes with a nice restaurant like glow. I won’t be doing any of the work. I want to hand this over to my GC who has a good low voltage guy and say “install this.” I’ve done some research but I’m having trouble getting my head around all the options. Welcome any suggestions, or resources where I can learn a bit more on my own. submitted by /u/BigPotOPotatoes to r/Lighting [link] [comments]

Looking for a 24v led strip with high density and highly cuttable. I have some cabinets that can only fit 8” strip underneath. I don’t want RGB, just some tunable warm lights that also can be dimmed in home assistant. submitted by /u/Lucidic333 to r/homeassistant [link] [comments]

Hoping for a slam dunk consensus recommendation, not to consume a bunch of folks’ time…we just did a kitchen remodel and need under-cabinet task lighting. My wife and I are both lighting quality wonks and want bright as possible, highest CRI possible, 5000° K task lighting. Money is no object. Hopefully making it easier – we don’t need any smart integration or dimming. Capable and ready to DIY. Countertop is quartzite and finished glossy. Thanks! submitted by /u/makitopro to r/Lighting [link] [comments]

Going to redo light under cabinet, it’s currently hardwired. Wondering what the right way to run a hardwire through the wall is? submitted by /u/BigMissileWallStreet to r/electrical [link] [comments]

Our bathroom was out of date. She wanted new and warm. We did all new cabinets. Soft/slow close cabinets. Granite counters. Lighted mirrors. Lights under cabinets. Bluetooth exhaust fan. Lights everywhere. A chandelier. Pebble path from shower to tub. submitted by /u/rusted10 to r/Remodel [link] [comments]

Pretty much as stated. We’re not the original owners so couldn’t do it before tiling. I want under cabinet lighting that’s not an eyesore (not plug-in with visible wires running everywhere) and I’ve heard battery-powered are a nightmare. The entire kitchen has tile backsplash surrounding the outlets like in the photo. Is the only solution to remove some of this tiling to access wires? Or can some wire be fished for at the area of the outlets? I’m pretty much a complete novice when it comes to electric work, was just looking for where to even start with this so I don’t get upsold or told incorrectly. Thanks! submitted by /u/jadedtruffle to r/AskElectricians [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/Reasonable_Ad_9389 to r/kitchenremodel [link] [comments]

My wife's post on r/interiordecorating of our laundry nook took off, so here's a more in depth description of the work that went into the finished product. How would you fit a full size washer and dryer into a space less than 7'x7' with only one useable wall? Well, with a lot of planning! The previous solution had been to use a mini washer and dryer tucked into cabinets. These sucked in practice. Notice how you can't open the back door while using the dryer. Plus, we couldn't fit sheets in the washer and they were both kind of broken. This project involved a lot of different work. Here's a summary of each stage, but feel free to ask any questions in the comments! (Note: I am a construction electrician by trade, though this was my first time taking on each of these other skills for a project of this size) 1) Demo: This wasn't too bad, except that it revealed an uneven, un-level subfloor. Our home's foundation was reinforced at some point in the past and is solid, but it left a couple areas a bit too off level. Underneath some roughly stair stepped underlayment the sub-floor had about a 1.5" rise across the 7'. 2) Floor prep: I decided to do my own stair stepped underlayment with five 1/4" layers. I sealed everything up and finished it off with a THIN layer of self-leveler. I watched so many youtube videos in preparation for this step and it worked out great! I used Mapei Self Leveler Plus. I found this two minute video to be most helpful. 3) Tiling: A lot more youtube videos were consumed ahead of this job. This was all marble tile in 1' square sheets. I kept the sheets for larger areas and cut out strips or individual tiles elsewhere. The gray "flowers" are cut out and inlaid. I used Ardex X5 thinset and Ardex FGC unsanded grout in fresh lily. The uncoupling membrane is Blanke Permat, which I highly recommend for marble tile based on my research. 4) Plumbing: Only copper piping is allowed in my area, so that's what I ran. As for the drainage, that is the minimum legal P-trap I installed. It's an exterior wall and I did not want to compromise any (solid, old-growth oak) studs. I've had no issues so far. 5) Dryer ventilation: This was a puzzle and a major hurdle to minimizing my clearance behind the dryer. I could only ventilate through the exterior wall on the right of these images. I was able to fit a 90 degree Magvent and 90 degree elbow to get low enough to then run a slim vent to a 4in rigid vent out to the outside. The Magvent is also so I can remove the W/D if I ever need to in the future. Exhaust airflow has been great. 6) Electrical: This is the one thing I'm an actual pro at! And if you aren't... well I don't recommend doing this yourself. My area requires all wiring to run through conduit, so everything is hard piped. You could show a pro this post if you want them to achieve these results. Under cabinet lighting is 12V LED powered by an LED driver. The push-button switches are from House of Antique Hardware. 7) Drywall: I hate doing drywall. I tarped off the opening to the room before sanding but so much dust still got everywhere. 8) Framing and cabinetry: I framed a false wall to create a 9in space between the cabinets and the back wall to bring them flush with the washer/dryer. You can see in the pictures how I was able to use three off the shelf cabinets and build around them. I included a small access door behind the shelving on the left to access the rear of the washer/dryer if needed. I painted the cabinets using a critter sprayer which worked great. I coated everything with a sanding sealer, then Sherwin Williams gallery series paint, then polycrylic. This is the tutorial I followed for the cabinet painting and I'm very pleased with the results! Our budget for this project was $5000 including the washer/dryer and about a month to finish. It ended up taking 5 months to get to the finished product, but we had the washer/dryer up and running after the first two. I had to take a few breaks during the process and could really only devote the weekends to it. We definitely went over budget, but not by too much. I'll use most of the tools I had to purchase again since I've already got some more rooms lined up to work on! submitted by /u/MadDrewOB to r/DIY [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/themourningbride My (31F) husband (41M) makes mean jokes and I want to help him stop before we have children BoRU 1 Posted by u/Father-Son-HolyToast TRIGGER WARNING: verbal abuse, emotional abuse Original Post Jan 7, 2022 So grateful to have found this community and hoping that getting some outside opinions on my situation will help me understand things and figure out how to address this in a constructive way with my husband. I (31F) have been with my husband (40sM) for 10 years, now married. I always knew I wanted to have kids only after I was married, and now that we finally are I’ve allowed myself to start thinking more in depth about it and I had an inconvenient realization. I could not bring a child into this situation without seeing change in his behavior. While he has this one bad habit, our relationship is not inherently verbally abusive, so I’m having trouble finding resources and stories from others who have been in similar situations. The good: He is a great provider, he would be a very fun dad, he is very generous and supportive. I love him, he loves me. The bad: He makes “jokes” that are hurtful and make me feel a fundamental lack of respect. I’m fine, but when I imagine me as a child growing up with a father like him, I just can’t even fathom how broken I would be. I know I need to address this before having kids. We have had conversations about this in the past and it’s just who he is- not aimed only at me, and I am a very sensitive person. The problem: How can I have a conversation about this with him? I’m not perfect, so why is it okay for me to point out his flaws? Is there a playbook here, a guide? I just can’t stand feeling like I’m issuing an ultimatum or holding him hostage. And I feel so awful that I didn’t have the insight or personal awareness to address this BEFORE we got married. I’m struggling to frame this in a way that is supportive, “us as a team against this issue” instead of me attacking him. How do I address this? TL;DR - Husband has a habit of joking in a way that I’ve just realized would be hurtful to a child, I want to help him change this behavior before having kids but don’t know how to have that conversation. ETA: Thanks for the help and concern, all. I don’t know what this means for me and it’s a lot to process, but I really appreciate so many people sharing their thoughts with me. Not trying for kids, not off birth control, he barely touches me anyways. Under no circumstances would I bring a child into this situation currently. RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP In response to a request for examples of the jokes: I’m having trouble finding examples because they just really aren’t jokes, he only calls them that because he thinks they’re funny. “You’re eating like a fat girl” - Just joking, and he didn’t call ME fat so I can’t justify getting upset. (Laughing when I ask how I look in a new top) - It was funny because I had bad posture when I asked him, he wasn’t laughing AT me, just the situation of me trying to be cute but asking with poor posture and in an unconfident tone. “You’re going to tear the house down!” - Context was I’m opening a cabinet and he wanted to point out with a funny comment/joke that I was being too heavy handed, it was after I had spent days cleaning the house for his mother to visit and I was very stressed, it upset me because I felt like I couldn’t do a single thing without criticism. I cried and he got upset that I reacted in that way. In response to someone telling OOP she didn't have to continue to put up with cruel comments, and that her not saying anything in the past was not an excuse for her husband to continue: I mean, it kind of is though isn’t it? If I didn’t do a good enough job of identifying it as an issue and putting a stop to it when it first started happening, what right do I have to demand change now that we’re married? It feels like a bait and switch. I hate the idea of being a demanding wife. I just want to figure out how to help him see it as an issue so we can both work together to change our behaviors into something that would be a supportive, loving environment for kids to grow up in. I feel like I haven’t done my part either, I need to own that. It just isn’t who I am and he loves me for that. I’m not demanding or high maintenance. I think it’s less about advocating for myself an more just… it feels unfair for me to ask for this. Nothing has changed since we got married. The only thing that changed was my perception of something that has been a constant in our relationship. It feels like an unfair demand. I just want to make it an “us against this issue” instead of a “me against you” or “you must do xyz before abc”. That feels low. We’re a team! I just want to make sure I’m communicating it in the right way. But I still want to be The Cool, Strong, Supportive Wife. I just feel like… I messed up here. If this was truly a big issue I wouldn’t have married him. I did, we’re here now, and even though I didn’t see it at first I do now. I want to help us both be the best we can be. I’m here and I need to help us both work through this or learn to live with it like I have been. I want kids but if this can’t be the right environment for them then it’s not meant to be. ETA: Fuck, I just don’t know anymore. Can’t believe I wrote that kids could be out of the picture. I’m really struggling to understand all of this. Thanks for your kind words :) Update 1 - Ok, so he’s verbally abusive. What now? Jan 7, 2022 (Same Post) I (31F) have been with my husband (43M) for 10 years, married 6 months. Posted on an advice sub and I’m realizing it’s a bigger issue than I thought. So… what now? I’m having a really hard time digesting all of this. I read “Why Does He Do That?” yesterday (couldn’t put it down) and while I see some things that my partner does, it’s not many and it’s honestly not often. It really boils down to making mean “jokes” and unsolicited advice/critiques. That’s all. And not all the time, I’ve been thinking it over for three days and he hasn’t said anything bad in that time. When he does it just sticks out in my mind because it’s hurtful. Here is what I think need help understanding: Is it possible that this isn’t intentional? He learned his behaviors from his mother and has low emotional intelligence. I know that he truly loves me. I can’t understand HOW he could do this on purpose. How is he such a truly great, supportive, kind partner in other ways? Does that outweigh his faults? He is such a great provider, he is supportive of my career and pays all of our expenses which allows me to work doing what I love. This is a big sacrifice for him and something he did very intentionally for me. How could someone do that to someone they want to hurt? What if it really truly is me? I AM sensitive and insecure. I do make things that are benign about me when I’m feeling down. I know these things are true. Couldn’t it be a combination of an awful outdated unfunny sense of humor and me being hypersensitive to criticism? I think we both share fault here. RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP: In response to someone saying OOP shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around her husband: Oh geez. I offhandedly said that to him just the other day, that I walk on eggshells around him (more related to other issues than the one here, but still) and he flipped it around completely on me. Said that it’s the opposite and he has to do that for me because of my unpredictable emotional response to things and that I ruin the mood all the time. In response to someone asking about whether she and her husband still have a physical relationship: "He barely touches me anyway" stood out to me. Why doesn't he? What's going on? Ha! That’s a whole other can of worms. Wish I knew. He’s just not interested in me sexually. It was normal at first, less frequent over time, and somewhere in the first few years the jabs started, poking fun at things I say or do in bed, how I move, what I’m wearing, what I want. He really made me think it was me. But I’m not unattractive, I know that. Just for some reason nothing about me is quite good enough for him. Why did he even marry me if I’m such a disappointment? Anyway, I got on birth control early on and it killed my sex drive so I don’t feel as rejected all the time, that helps. Commenter I think maybe you need to ask yourself some questions. Like.. Are you happy with this person? Is it worth having them around? Does the bad outweigh the good or is it the other way around? OOP Parts of both. I love him. I don’t feel like I can justify leaving him. Unfunny jokes, infrequent sex. I don’t know, it doesn’t feel like enough. I’m just beating myself up for not realizing this until now. In response to a comment encouraging her to analyze her husband's behavior for signs of intentional manipulation: I’m trying to do the same thing. It all came in to focus the other day, he said he was scared I would find someone better and leave him. That second things started to make sense. I don’t want to admit it because it’s so painful, but I think he does do it at least partially on purpose. It worked so well too, I believed everything he said for so long. Update 2 Jan 12, 2022 (5 days later) Ok. I talked to my therapist (who I was seeing because husband had me believing I had emotional regulation & communication problems), came armed with research and concrete examples of his manipulative, controlling and demeaning patterns. She was supportive but firm, recommended I reach out to my local DV organization to help me work out a safe exit plan and get legal aid regarding the divorce. She said sooner rather than later. And I trust her. But… I am stunned. I feel like my whole entire world is upside down. I keep flipping back and forth between “thank god other people can see this too, I’m not crazy and it is that bad” and “he’s my best friend, I’m heartbroken and he’s the only one there for me, he needs me and I could never leave him.” I know I should leave but I don’t know what to do. I just want to talk to him and work it out and this will all just be one big misunderstanding, right? I’m heartbroken. I can’t have kids here, but if I leave I’ll be alone and also probably won’t have kids. And I’ll be broken and ashamed. All those conversations. He’s going to want me back or want an explanation. I really think that’s what I’m hung up on the most. He has so little emotional awareness that I KNOW he won’t have any idea what I’m talking about. I know he’ll think I’m crazy. I want him to know what he’s done but he just… he’s not going to. He might not ever understand. We’re so happy so much of the time, I don’t know if I can do this. Anyways, hi, worst update. But you all were right. For anyone in a similar situation, Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That?” was very eye opening and described him in ways I couldn’t articulate on my own. He fits the profile of the Water Torturer perfectly. Additionally, very very helpful these past few days: The Hotline (looks like I can’t link, but you can search.) They have a text or chat service, and for anyone out there like me, it’s not “just” emotional/verbal abuse, it’s abuse and they are there to help and support. I spent a few hours over a few days just talking through things with people who really understood and it was exactly what I needed. Please reach out if it’s something you need. TL;DR My husband isn’t mean, he’s verbally abusive. Don’t know what’s next. NEW UPDATES * I’m just exhausted. How am I supposed to get through this? Jan 22, 2022 (10 days later) Just discovered this sub, relieved to have a place to vent to people who will get it. Very recently realized that my 10 year long relationship is… not healthy. No need to go into details because the profile of a Water Torturer from Lundy Bancroft’s Why Would He Do That fits him like a glove. Cruel, cutting remarks disguised as jokes or helpful comments. Constant criticism. That man could DARVO the pants off of Trump. If I take a step back it’s impressive. All in all, it’s taken me completely by surprise. In the last few weeks I’ve found out that I’m not the source of all our relationship troubles, I’m not a complete fuck up of a wife, and none of this is normal. It’s a mind fuck. Now I’m biding time. I have an exit plan, but I’m saving for the next few months before I execute it. It’s been about a week. I am fucking exhausted. All of that energy I used to spend twisting myself into exactly who I knew he wanted, regulating my reactions, hiding me. It is NOT ENOUGH. Not nearly enough. Now that I see this shit in every interaction and spend my time cycling through rage and shame and excitement and mourning… I’m spent. Y’all, I have no idea how I’m going to get through the next few months. I’m so excited to start living again, but fuck. [CA] Threatening “Joke” - Enough for Police? Feb 7, 2022 (18 days later) Advice much appreciated! Brief background: My husband’s verbal abuse and coercive control have increased over the past decade, I’ve recently realized the state of this marriage and am planning my exit. As I’ve become more aware of his behaviors and can see things more clearly it has been harder to maintain my “good wife” attitude, I’m standing up for myself more. I’m growing concerned about my safety but not sure if the incident today is enough to involve police. He has never been physically violent. Incident: Today, after I had upset him by standing up for myself in a conversation, he talked for at least a full minute about how he would kill me, as a “joke”. He said, roughly, that (because I was speaking this way to him lately) he would kill me in my sleep, it would be easy because I’m such a sound sleeper. Then went back and said I’m surprisingly strong when I’m asleep (I toss and turn) and that it might give me an advantage. More talk about how easy it would be, then the part that bothered me most: “No, if I’m going to go to all the trouble of killing you, I’d strangle you while you’re awake, I’d want to see the light leave your eyes. I’d have to get something good out of it.” The fact that it was fairly specific and in direct response to me upsetting him has me concerned for my safety between now and leaving, especially if he finds out or grows suspicious. My gut says it might be worth involving the police and moving up my exit timeline. My concerns and questions: Is what he said legally considered a threat? Is it actionable considering this is just based on my word? What would (likely) happen if I did chose to report this? Is there any way for me to report this without his knowledge? Edited for clarity. RELEVANT COMMENTS CarQuean NAL ; move up your exit date to NOW. Involving police at this very moment will give him an advantage on you and could anger him more. Get your important documents out of there ASAP & move YOUR funds from your joint account to an account he doesn't have access to. I would also suggest saving your photos from your phone somewhere and doing a hard reset on your phone to insure he doesn't have phone tracking OR that he doesn't have remote access to your phone. Change passwords everywhere. But get out NOW. OOP Thank you, I appreciate the concern and advice! Working on putting a go-bag together now with important documents and things I’ll need. I’m on high alert and moving up my exit date to… ok, not now now, but significantly sooner than I was planning. Little, Happy Update Oct 6, 2022 (9 months since the OG post) Hi! I’m not sure if anyone will see this, but I had such an outpouring of support over a whole bunch of subreddits so I thought this might be the best way to give an update. First, THANK YOU! Thank you all. Everyone who reached out with support, everyone who shared their stories, everyone who pushed back and gave me the opportunity to form my own viewpoints and advocate for myself. Without the reality check that came from my posts I’m sure I would have been stuck in this for much longer than I was already. The update: I’m out! It was a long process, it wasn’t linear, and there was so much self doubt along the way. But I wanted to share the moment that it finally stuck. We had been going back and forth with the divorce. He’s doing all the things, he’s being the best version of himself, he’s improving. Lots more details that ultimately aren’t important. But he kept asking, are you sure? And I wasn’t for a long time. He worked his magic and I thought that maybe I had made the worst mistake of my life. But he kept asking, and I kept listening to my gut. I tried saying no, let’s call this all off and work on us, but that didn’t feel good. I felt heavy, like it was putting back on this huge burden that I had just started to get out of. Then I tried saying maybe. I was being honest, I was confused and I told him that. I said I needed time, I needed space. But that felt restrictive, it felt like my body was being compressed. And one morning I realized I hadn’t tried saying “yes” yet. I hadn’t tried telling him that yes, I wanted this to be over. So I tried it, I said yes, let’s end this. And it felt like all of the weight was lifted off of me. It felt like I could fill my lungs fully again. It felt like the sort of warmth in your chest that you get when your mom gives you a hug. So it stuck! I’m learning to listen to myself again and to trust my instincts. I’m not judging myself for my path to get here. I’m treating myself with all the compassion and kindness I deserved for all those years. I’m on my own path now and it feels so amazing to be here. So thank you all again for everything. Thank you for your concern and outreach. I’m happier and healthier than I have been in a very long time. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

For nearly nine years, I lived in and paid for a home under the agreement that once it was paid off, my mother would transfer the title to me. The home was in her name, but I covered the mortgage, lot rent, and all expenses. I also put my own money into renovations and repairs like new flooring, light fixtures, refinishing cabinets, replacing appliances, and fixing the oven. My mom originally bought the home in 2015, planning to leave her husband. When she changed her mind about the divorce, she offered it to me, saying it was a great way to “invest my money into something for my future.” I agreed and moved in, believing I was working toward ownership. The Roof & Her Changing the Terms In 2022, my roof started leaking. I called my mom for advice, but she didn’t know anyone who could do small repairs. My boyfriend at the time (who had roofing experience) helped me fix it, and I paid for all the materials. Later, she insisted on sending out someone she knew to check the roof. Since the home was in her name, I couldn’t stop her. She then decided to have the entire roof replaced without my consent. When I asked about the cost, she brushed it off, saying, “Don’t worry, God always provides.” In early 2023, she suddenly demanded $3,000 for the roof, despite never discussing payment beforehand. I told her this felt unfair, since I never agreed to it. I offered to make monthly payments, but she was furious. Her Final Ultimatum By early 2024, I was less than $3,500 away from fully paying off the home. I was ready to be done with all the drama. But then, in February 2024, my mom raised the roof cost by another $1,500, bringing it to $4,500, and added other random fees, telling me I had one week to pay over $20,000 or move out. I was stunned. I asked why, and all she said was, “The choice is yours to make—you just have to decide what path to take.” No explanation—just an ultimatum. When I refused, she started making my life hell. In April 2024, she showed up unannounced and refused to leave until the police made her. At that point, I had no choice—I packed up my kids and moved out on May 1st, 2024. Not long after, she sold the home I had spent nearly a decade paying for, keeping all the money for herself. My Family Thinks I Should “Move On” Now, my family says I’m the bad guy for cutting her off and “keeping her grandkids away.” But my kids want nothing to do with her—they were old enough to understand what happened and felt just as betrayed as I did. To make things worse, she has been showing up uninvited to my kids’ events and causing scenes. I’m now looking into legal options to keep her away, as I don’t want her forcing her way back into their lives. My family says I should “just move on” because “it’s not worth losing family over.” But I can’t just forget about all the money I put into that home. It’s been almost a year, and I am now seeking legal advice because I refuse to let her get away with it. I feel like I owe her nothing at this point, but my family keeps guilt-tripping me, saying I’m being too harsh. AITA for refusing to let my kids see my mother and not just “moving on” like my family wants me to? submitted by /u/Sea_Cloud4648 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

Been moved in for 10 months now and it sure is sweet living in your own home, especially one you built for yourself. It took 18 months to complete. I work from home, so I was often able to work on the house during the day and work at nignt. 3/2 ~2300 under roof, nothing crazy. Made it my own in lots of ways but the cabinetry is really where I left my touch. I spent a long time designing the kitchen and master bath. No, I don't have enough lights 😂. Kitchen is Sundance stained cherry and black stained oak with Quantum Quartz - bianco tiffone. Bath is paint grade maple with SW ballard blue and Cambria Inverness Cobalt. Delta 45" sink with dual Moen touchless faucets. This is one of my absolute favorite features. My wife and I can both be using the sink at the same time. Highly recommended this as a custom touch!! 30" GE profile induction range paired with 36" profile 600cfm hood. I really like the hood being wider than the range, it definitely helps capture all those gases. Cabinets start at 90" and bump up 6" each step with the top of the center cabinet being at 126" cathedral is at 144". Cabinets left and right of hood are 66" split between 42" wood panel and 24" glass. Still not sure what I'll display in there yet, but even if nothing I love the look a little bit of glass added. Anyways, hope this gives some inspiration on style or color combinations. submitted by /u/itsJoeJoeyJoseph to r/Homebuilding [link] [comments]

Sorry for the long post, it's 2am and I'm crying and tired and worn out. If I'm rambling, it's because I've held this in for so long not wanting to burden friends or family with my marital troubles. I 34F have been with my husband (37M, we'll call him Nathan) for 8 years. Ever since our daughter (3F) was born, I have been unable to trust Nathan with anything no matter how small. Background context: When I was 19 after a semi truck driver fell asleep at the wheel and turned my car into scrap metal with me inside it. I have enough metal holding me together that I light up like a Christmas tree for TSA and physically impaired with good days and bad days. I used a portion of my settlement check to buy a house outright and have it retrofit to accommodate my needs as I'll eventually require a wheelchair. I work in software development as it's fun and nobody cares if I work from bed on bad days. My husband has not worked in 5 years. Which has been fine until our daughter was born. Between the settlement money, a paid off house, and my salary, I enjoyed having him here with me. He contributed by handling most of the domestics. We pay for a weekly cleaner with monthly deep cleaning because it gave us more time together. Ever since our daughter was born, it was like a light switch turned off in his head. For our daughter, he would buy the wrong size diapers. Not fully mix bottles. Put diapers on backwards. Leave out poop-covered wipes. Forget to latch cabinets. This past week, he has gone to the store 3 times because he keeps coming home with the wrong size socks and shoes for her. I eventually just ordered the right ones on Amazon. For me, he has tried to help me with my weekly pill organizer fill-up and several times has spilled the contents of new medications all over the floor. Then "not seeing" that he didn't get all of them off the floor. He has repeatedly brought me grapefruit juice to take my medications with - a huge no! He has repeatedly forgotten that I can't have dairy and puts milk in my coffee. Or cheese on a burger. He has broken SO many things of mine from being careless. He shattered my laptop because it slipped out of his hand when he tried to pack it for a trip. Even after I said I would pack my own electronics. We've lost so many spoons and forks to the disposal. He tried to replace the head gasket in my car and over torqued the engine bolt (??) Which shattered insode the block and two different shops said they couldn't repair it. We ended up getting a new vehicle because a replacement engine would have cost $11,000. A week later, he crashed the new car into the garage door because he thought he'd pressed the brakes, not accelerator. He wanted to do TikToks and streaming as a hobby. I supported him initially. But I quickly noticed a pattern. Anything regarding our daughter or me, he was sloppy and careless. He never whoops'd his own stuff. He would build entire sets to stream or make videos with, leave the garage, and leave his brain in the garage. It came to a head four nights ago. He streamed himself building a new set piece. Nine hours straight. Meanwhile I worked, "clocked out early" to pick up our daughter from summer camp, cooked and fed both of us, got her ready for bed. He came out to help put her to bed. I let him know that I needed to get some work done and would be in my office. And I asked him to take the trash out. He says he will. 2 hours later, I left my office and the house felt really warm. He'd taken the trash out, but left our front door partially open. And was back in the garage with his game volume really loud. I panicked since our daughter is able to get out of bed and thankfully she was sound asleep. But she could have easily toddled right out of the house and he wouldn't have noticed. Then I noticed a stove top burner was on. With a small pot on it with nothing inside.I didn't use the stove for cooking that night. I pop my head into the garage and said "hey, I need you for a minute." I informed him of the door situation and he responds "i thought I locked it". We checked the camera and no, he did not. I ask about the burner being on and he said he was planning to make ramen and forgot. He pulled the still hot pot off the burner and put it straight into the sink on top of our daughter's favorite plastic plate. Which is now ruined. I'll admit I overreacted and screamed "What are YOU DOING". He realized what he'd done and pulls the pot off our daughter's plate... and straight onto the countertop. I grab it quickly and run it under water to cool it down. I tell him I can't tonight. I can't deal with him. I'm taking my meds and going to sleep. He gets a cup from the cupboard, and sets it straight onto the burner that'd been on. I hit my limit. I started crying. He kept saying that it was fine, things happen, it's just an accident, he's had a rough day from streaming, he's just tired. Why am I crying, it's just a cup. We can replace it. The anger hit and I said "It's because I have a liability and not a partner." He said "what the fuck does that mean". I screamed that it's because I can't trust him to do anything. That I'm always having to watch him like a child. Always having to bear the costs of his mistakes. That every time I get careless and think I can trust him to be an adult, I'm always the one getting fucked over. I then said "I can't see you as a partner anymore. You're just another liability in my checkbook". He immediately stormed out of the kitchen and went to bed. I called my mom and told her what happened. She thinks it's just stress and offered to take our daughter for a week so we could figure this out without our daughter seeing it. She says it was an asshole thing to call my husband a liability. In the morning, I told my husband that my mom would pick up our daughter from summer camp and offered to watch her for a week. He said "ok" and that's the only interaction we've had since. He spends all day in the garage playing games with his friends, making Tiktoks, and streaming. For food, he's been ordering DoorDash and having the person deliver it in the garage. It's been days and he refuses to be in the same room as me. I've tried messaging him to ask if we can talk. Or figure out a solution. But he's just left me on read. If I pop into the garage, he ignores me but apologizes to his friends or viewers for the interruption and geek unmute his mic when the noise stops. Before the blow up, I've asked if there was something going on. I tried to gently respond every time he screwed up so our daughter didn't associate "mistake" to "anger". I asked him to schedule with a doctor to see if something was going wrong medically. He always said I was over-reacting, people make mistakes. And didn't see an issue, even when the same mistakes kept happening. When I tried to get him to understand that it was concerning just how expensive his mistakes were getting, he'd wave it off as a "it's not like we can't afford it". I love him dearly, I just miss the person he was before we had a child. The one I could trust and rely on. Did I screw this up forever? Was I being too harsh on his mistakes? Am I missing something? Am I the asshole? submitted by /u/Intrepid_Buy_3152 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

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