Van Life Family

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I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/throwaway____27 Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole Previous BoRU [Repost]: AITA dad gave the business to brother, so I left Editor's note: made small edits for ease of readability and added relevant comments for more context Trigger Warnings: manipulation, betrayal, favoritism Original Post: June 11, 2021 AITA dad gave the business to brother, so I left My older brother (30M) went to university and then worked in the city as an accountant, I (27M) stated to work for my dad as a plumber at 15 and went to college to get my qualifications in plumbing and gas, about the time covid started my brother moved back from the city and started working for my dad (55M) in accounting, my dad has been unwell for the last 4 years due to asbestosis it has been really hard on the family and he is getting worse but is still loving life. I have been running the business for the last 2 years we have expanded and now have 50 vans in the fleet and one qualified and one trainee allocated to each van, covid was hard in the beginning but we have bounced back, my dad still works on tools with me on Fridays (half day then back to my place for some beers), Friday is the only day I'm on tools now as I'm doing everything to run the business. well last month he told the family he is stepping down from the business due to health and wants to spend more time with my mother, and is giving the business to my brother and for me to step down from acting CEO, this upset me I've been with the business for 12 years, at the beginning it was only me and my dad my brother never wanted to be in the business said it was not worth his time and now he’s the boss, and I’ve been dumped back to a heating engineer with a £20,000 (editor's note: close to $27,140 USD) pay cut, he doesn’t have any clue what we do or how to do it. I spoke to my dad, and he told me that my brother deserve it for all he has done, that he has a family and I don’t and that he went to uni, a lot of the workers are upset about the decision and have told me they will go where I go. I told my dad that if that is how he feels then I will leave and start my own business I have not spoken to my dad or brother since and have told them to never contact me, for the last month I’ve had thousands of calls and messages from family saying some very hurtful things and telling me I’m ungrateful for what I have so AITA??? EDIT I want to say thank you to everyone for your kind words there are so many to reply to I will do my best to thank you all, to hear my father tell me in his own way he doesn’t think I’m good enough was hard and for my family to take his and my brother side was even harder. In the morning I will contact the large clients I’ve worked with over the last 6 years I know we had some site postponed due to covid (big money), and will try and take them over I have 20 of my colleagues wishing to come work for me I’ve saved nearly all of the money I have earned over the last 12 years so think I have enough to get myself on my feet. Verdict: Not the Asshole Editor’s note: OOP made lots of responses onto the original post, I am listing the significant details for more context to the situation Relevant Comments Commenter 1: NTA - sounds like either some “he’s older” or “he’s smarter because uni” bias from your dad. If your brother knows so much, you really don’t need to be there at all do you? /s. Leave them all to it and leave. Staying after all this drama will still be awful OOP: My father has away gone on about how his son went to uni and is loving life in the city it never bothered me till I realized he never spoke about all the stuff I had done for myself or the company Commenter 2: You should seek legal advice OP. Poaching their clients could land you a law suit. I am not giving legal advice at all, and you need to speak to a local business law specialist. OOP: I've looked my contact and have found nothing perks of being a son of the owner but will be taking to a lawyer to make sure they can come after me for anything Commenter 3: NTA at all. At least your father could have split business 50/50. Brother in charge of accounting side. You in charge of production. I would make that offer back. If father refuses. I would cut contact.. Block relatives. I would go start my own business. Never look back.. Brother turned back on family business while you worked our arse off to build business. OOP: To be honest that’s what I thought was going to happen and was happy when my brother came back to be one big family company I talk to my father, but my brother has always been the golden child Commenter 4: NTA. I would answer all these messages with "12 years. 12 years I have labored for this company, for our family. For what? To be thrown aside for someone who has never shown interest in this business? Don't say I'm ungrateful, as I've put in the work. If I have so little value to the business, then stop me from leaving? You won't miss what you can easily discard." OOP: Thank you it was hard to hear it when my father told us the first 2 year he couldn’t pay me much as he was trying to start up the business I was on £20 (editor’s note: about $27USD) a week I was only 15 but was not easy working 7 days a week from 6 in the morning to 8 at night all the stuff I missed going out with friends going clubbing doing dumb stuff kids do to be looked down on by my family was hard Commenter 5: I don't know the law in Britain (assuming because of £) but I'm my country there are strict laws governing companies, including the board of directors and execs. Did they go through the proper channels to fire or demote you? Was there a reason for the demotion. Do you deserve severance or compensation? What type of company is it? OOP: Due to the size and not having a board my father holds all rights and final decisions even as acting CEO he can overrule me in favour of something or someone else I have no say Commenter 6: NTA. I agree with others, I really don’t understand the motive behind this. OOP: My father has away been more favourable towards my brother they are basically the same person, I don’t understand why myself and it makes me even more upset that he did it he has away told me that I will take over and that he wants me to carry on the business but then gives it to my brother Commenter 7: Can you be clear if the decision involves handing over the entire shares of the business to your brother or rather your share of any future inheritance? I am curious what your mother thinks of all this? The move by your Dad is extremely hurtful and cannot even be justified by favouritism... Respectfully, Is it possible you aren't a biological son? OOP: Everything has been signed over to him I have no say if my father was to die today there would be no share in the business to be split, and the hardest part was to watch my mother cry telling my brother how proud she is of him and how he deserved it. And sometime I question it Commenter 8: NTA. And it needn't have been this way. Even if your father wanted to have your brother in the business, co-ownership would've been an option. Many businesses have one person that has the technical knowledge and one person that has business/accounting knowledge. OOP: To be honest that would make sense he know more than I do about the accounting side and stuff like that and I know the business and what are boys need to do their job and to do it safety and I know the clients some are old school and like to talk business over dinner or golf and that was some of the best times I’ve had strange to think I’m a plumber play on some of the best golf courses in the world Commenter 9: NTA There is something more going on. Could be as others have said and your dad is just a narcissist. There is no reason he couldn't have split the company ownership up, even if not 50/50. Bad enough that the person who has been running the company doesn't get the company, but the business has 50 vans, and they feel it necessary to cut your pay? That is just adding insult to injury. Obviously they believe you can be replaced. Let them. OOP: To be honest I’m not sure what’s going on over the last year my brother and father have spent a lot of time together even though my father has a lung condition I try not to spend a lot of time around due to covid, but we talk on the phone every day before it all happened and as soon as we all had are vaccines we would be together nearly every day. OOP on not mixing business and family OOP: Working with family is the hardest thing in the world, me and my dad have had our ups and downs both in the business and in are relationships but always came back together and got it done after talking to people I can see why he might have chosen my brother he’s had more experience in large companies but he’s has no idea about the industry I don’t understand why they would drop me in an engineer with everything I know Commenter 10: INFO: First, I am really sorry to read this story, it makes me sad and angry for you. What a betrayal. I am really curious about one detail here, because it seems so weird and petty from your brother. Did he tell you why he demoted you and cut your salary by 20,000? Because those two things are hostile on the face of it, and it makes me wonder why your father (and your brother for that matter) expected you to suck it up and deal. And I am also curious as to if your dad had a response to that event. OOP: My brother has never like how well I did without going to uni and after talking to everyone on here I believe it’s more of a revenge thing.   Editor's note: OOP made all updates onto the same post with the original Update #1: June 12, 2021 (same post, next day) Update 1 I want to inform everyone that I’m not starting a business to destroy my brother, as much as I want to I’ve spent almost 13 year build it and I don’t want to see anyone out of a job or for the business to die it’s about 0500 in England you have all helped me so much. I will be going over to talk to my father about 0800 and take him out for breakfast and talk, I’m not sure if I will get a proper answer from him but I love my family and want my future kids to know them. I will update after the events of later today.   Editor’s note: OOP was likely to make the next two updates throughout the day, as the dates were not given on when the updates were made Update #2: June 12, 2021 (same post, same day, hours later) Update 2: as I said in one of the comments I believe my family had found my post and they did. This morning when I arrived at my parents’ house my mum opened the door and looked like she had been cry a lot my dad came over to talk to me and we went out for breakfast, he didn’t say a word on the way there or when we arrived, when on the way back he asked if we could pull over and talk I can honestly say this was the first time I saw my dad cry, I asked why he did this to me he said doesn’t know I keeper pushing and he finally told me he owed it to my brother for not being about for him as much as me when we were growing up and there was times my brother needed him but we was working. I couldn’t believe it after 12 years of hard work that was his reasoning I told my father I had spent half my life working to do everything for the business and how he throw me to the side just because he’s son came back hurt more than I could explain, he told me he knows as they had been shown the post I put up, to my surprise he wasn’t mad he seemed remorseful, he told me my mother has been in pieces after reading the comments about how bad she treated me and thinks I will never talk to them again, my dad told me after reading it all he released he should have split the business between us as it will need both of us to keep progressing and apologies to me for never telling me how proud he was of everything I had done and thought I know how proud he was, but my brother has full control my father has no say any more and my brother would never go 50/50, he told me he wants me to go back as my brother will need me I told him that’s not my problem anymore after the demoted me and cut my pay I tried to make it work for 3 weeks but my brother wouldn’t listen didn’t believe I know what I was talking about telling me he knows how to fund a business, so I left why work my ass off there when I could do the same work and make more money for myself. My dad broke down said that he had destroyed the family and should never had done what he did I don’t understand why I took this long to release I was a valuable piece in the company.   Update #3: June 12, 2021 (same post, same day, hours later) Update 3: as I said I have had a couple of zoom calls with some clients today and they have gone very well, I have been informed that they we all be sending be signed proposal letters for the up and coming work, lucky the site start dates don’t clash that was one of the main things I was worried about, 3 of my colleagues have now left the business and have spoken to my dad informing him about why they left and that they will be coming to work with me under their own choice, to hear them tell me this meant a lot, they all have between 5 - 10 year more experience in the industry, at the moment I have all we need to start a new business with the 3 vans I own and tools I have built up over the years, I am looking forward to the new venture in my life and can’t wait to share this with my children when I have them. Then I received a call from my father asking me to come over for dinner I was unsure at first but thought it was probably a step in the right direction, on arrival my whole family was there, I went in and the atmosphere dropped my mum wouldn’t look at me and my brother just sat there acting as if I didn’t exist, my dad came and asked me and my brother to come in to his office, he started to ask when I was going to return to the company as they need me in early Monday morning, I could not even believe what I was hearing I told them both I’m not coming back and have started my own company, and what does he mean we you gave the business to him (my brother), my brother stated to lose his temper telling me if I cared about to company why would I leave, I have some very choice words before telling him that I have always cared for the company and spent 12 years of my life working to make it successful, unlike him who swans in and takes all the glory and that I will not sit there and be treated like that, I told my brother to f**k off so I could talk to dad, I asked what was this morning all about telling me he’s sorry but then expects me to going running back, he couldn’t even look me in the eye so I left said goodbye to my cousin, nieces and nephews and walked out I’ve been riding for about 3 hours on and off coming back on here to talk to people. I just want to say thank you to everyone for the personal message, comments, rewards and all the kind words and encouragement I’ll try and message everyone but I’m exhausted and will most likely fall asleep. Relevant Comments Commenter: Best wishes on your new business venture, OP. I’m astounded that your father still expected you to turn up to work Monday morning as a salaried employee with no ownership or profit sharing in the company, or any job security for that matter. I also want to go on record to say that I think father is lying that he has completely and legally turned over ownership of the company to your brother. Complete management maybe, but not ownership. Consider this: if your brother legally outright owns the company now, how will your father get a continuing income if your brother decides otherwise? Maybe your father has a contract with your brother about the income from the business your father and your mother will continue to receive? I suspect your father still has not been honest with you. OOP: It’s very confusing I’m not sure what my father games is right now but he has enough money to sit back and do nothing for the rest of his life   Final Update: June 26, 2021 (two weeks later) Update 4: sorry it’s been a while I’ve had a lot going on in the last couple of weeks, I'll try and explain the most I can, so the new business is going very well we have a lot of work coming in and making good money, at the end on the year I will be looking at expanding so very happy with that. me and my fiancé are very happy she is very busy planning the wedding of her dreams she wants me to wear a suit but tough lucky I’ll be in my kilt, I couldn’t be happier than I am right now waking up to her every day, she is there for me no matter what and has been my rock through everything. Then my family my father and brother still refuse to talk to me and have told me they will not be attending the wedding even though they haven’t been invited, my mother has called my fiancé but hasn’t said much only to ask about wedding stuff and will not talk to me, my fiancé family have been amazing my soon to be in-laws have been helping with the wedding and everything else and I am extremely thankful for everything they have done for us. My other family have now backed off and apologised and want to make amends for everything that was said. Myself and my fiancé are set to have are wedding in November, we sat down together and have decided to trying to have children after we are married, we are both excited to be parents.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Article Text: If there was any doubt what an ultra-competitive beast Bruno Fernandes is, listen to him talk about his attitude to Werewolf – the popular party game, much-loved by footballers, which inspired hit television show The Traitors. “What you see on the pitch is me off the pitch in that kind of game,” he says. “Obviously, the wolf, you can be very competitive. If you’re the wolf, you have to try to kill everyone. If you’re not the wolf, you have to try to make them believe you’re not one.” That instinct is in his blood and his upbringing. “I like to play cards,” Fernandes explains. “I’m born into a family where these card games are death or... everyone is hitting the cards strong on the table. My uncles and my dad, we always play these games. We are, let’s say, passionate people. Portuguese people are very passionate in everything they do. I’m not crazy with it, but I’m very competitive. My uncles, when they are playing, I kind of go away because they go a bit over the edge.” Fernandes laughs when he is reminded what the former Manchester United coach Mitchell van der Gaag, who worked under Erik ten Hag, said about how even in training the midfielder used to appeal for offside. “I had a lot of fights with him about that.” Fernandes says. “People already understood that, it’s not in a mean way, I just want to win. If I don’t put that into training, if I’m not that guy, the other ones will probably drop a bit the intensity. “I know certain players, they look at me and need to see me alive to understand that I’m in the game. Sometimes I need to be that guy that puts the energy, that shouts, that does things for the other ones to become better because I can do that and still focus.” That is the essence of the United captain and probably the best player in the Premier League at present. Certainly the most effective as he propels United back towards Champions League qualification. Fernandes’s goal involvements have been worth 26 points, already a point more than Cristiano Ronaldo when he was at United and won the league and his first Ballon d’Or in 2008. And there are seven games to go. This interview takes place at the luxurious Carton House Hotel, south west of Dublin, during United’s training camp and just after Fernandes had been presented with the player-of-the-year award by members of the Manchester United Supporters’ Club Sligo branch, who had made a four-hour round trip for a precious moment. “We could have given you six of these,” Fernandes was told. Six to represent how crucial he has been to United in the six years since he joined in February 2020 for £47m from Portuguese club Sporting. Fernandes is in the running to be the Footballer of the Year. If he wins, he will be the first United player to win the Football Writers’ Association award since Wayne Rooney in 2010, which shows how far the club have fallen. But individual awards are not as important as trophies. As Fernandes talks, he says it is “not normal” that United have not won the Premier League since 2013, discloses what he has demanded from the club to make him stay over the years and outlines what they need to do next. He also talks about what goes through his head when he is on the pitch and the “risk-reward” that makes him the league’s leading provider of assists. There are also examples to back up Juan Mata’s claim that Fernandes is “football sick” (an obsessive), his pride in his older brother Ricardo, who worked as an NHS hospital porter and was a successful non-League footballer in Crawley, before moving back to Portugal last week, and the importance of kindness. Bruno’s brother, Ricardo, combined his job as a hospital porter with playing for Roffey FC in the Southern Combination Football League Credit: Roffey FC There is one topic that is off-limits: Fernandes’s future. With a year left on his contract, and a 12-month option to extend, the 31-year-old does not want to go into what might happen at the end of the season having turned down a £1m-a-week offer to join Saudi Pro League club Al-Hilal last summer. But we do discuss trophies. Or the lack of them. He has won just two – the FA Cup and League Cup – with United. ‘I tell the club I want to compete’ “Everyone that comes to Man United wants to win every trophy. No one thinks in coming to the club that we’re going to fight for one or two trophies in six years,” he says. “You want to fight for all of them. Then we went to three finals and didn’t win. That can happen. But at least you’ve been there in the fight. We were close. And what I said to the club every time that I spoke with them, what I want from the time I’m here, I want to compete. Because if I compete, I will be close to winning. “If I don’t compete, there’s no chance I’m going to get close to anything. So, the main thing that the club understood is this: it’s 2013 that they last won the Premier League. That’s too long for a club like Man United. Being now so long without winning a Premier League is not normal. As a player, you have to understand that the fans, the expectation, will always be that we want to come back and win the Premier League. “As players, we have that expectation when we come to Man United. It doesn’t change. I know people will think: ‘You’re going to get more money, you can get better contracts.’ No, you come to Man United because you want to win trophies. Because money you can get anywhere. A lot of clubs in the Premier League pay well, a lot of clubs in Italy, Spain, they will pay you a lot. But you come to the club because of the history, because of what you want to achieve and what you think you can achieve. “What I always say to the club is: ‘You can’t promise me that I’m going to win the Premier League. That’s impossible. But if you promise me that we’re going to be competitive and we’re going to be there at the end... that’s all I need to know. Because then it’s on me to become the best version of myself, to help everyone around to become the best version of themselves, to become the club we want to be.” Fernandes is a student of the game and reels off players he admires – Kevin De Bruyne (“playing against him was a privilege”), Andrés Iniesta (“my idol”), Deco (“flair”) and Rui Costa (“like playing in a suit”). There is also Andrea Pirlo, a midfielder he faced in Serie A. “I thought: ‘He’s not the quickest. I’m going to read this one, I’m going to get him.’ So, he goes to make the pass, I anticipate, he gets the pass, I block, the ball goes out. He looked at me a little bit like ‘OK’. And the next one, just with a small counter-movement, he got away, ball in behind, they almost scored.” Assists record in reach It leads us to what Fernandes does on the pitch. And that phenomenal assist (and goals) record which he has taken to new heights this season. He is four assists behind the Premier League season record of 20 held by De Bruyne and Thierry Henry, with enough games left to beat it, and has 100 in all for United. Asking him what he sees when he plays elicits an astonishing answer. “In my head it’s already an image of what we’ve worked on during the week. The most difficult part is that you have to react, but also adapt your idea for the player you have ahead of you.” What does that mean? “I can’t play the same ball to Amad [Diallo] that I played to [Benjamin] Sesko. I can’t play the same ball to Sesko that I played to Bryan [Mbeumo]. Then it’s on me to read where I can make the most of it for them because I could give any pass to them and probably wouldn’t get anything from it. But I try always to give the best one for the qualities of the players. “For example, with Bryan I know he’s going to be most of the time on the edge of the last line trying to get the ball in behind, trying to slide him through on goal. With Ben it’s kind of the same. But I also know when I’m on the ‘half spaces’, he likes crosses, he likes to attack the ball because he can jump very high. “Then with Amad and [Matheus] Cunha it’s getting to connect with them, one-twos or make the space as big as possible and then give them the ball on a one-v-one to go and break their defence because they’re very direct. Then if I play with Josh [Zirkzee] I know he’s like everything I’ve learnt in Italy of playing close to him, let the ball go to him, get around him, play one-twos, just little touches around the corner. “These are the small things I used to see Torino doing when I was there with Maxi López, Ciro Immobile. Without sometimes even touching the ball they get into the goal. So, with Josh I know it’s this kind of connection. “If Mason [Mount] plays as a left winger I know I need to go more and support him and he likes one-twos, he’s very sharp in this kind of situation. So I need to find a way of being connected with him and getting the space for him to shoot, the space for him to do the last pass because the qualities of Mason, he becomes the best when he has space... this is the thing you have to read in a split second.” Blimey. It is some answer. As is what Fernandes adds when asked about playing safe passes. “It’s risk-reward. The risk will always be there in any pass but it’s how much reward can I get from this. When I try a pass behind their lines, my risk is that the ball goes out or it goes to the keeper because I always try to miss more than miss less. “I don’t know how to explain it properly because if it’s short, maybe the defender has it and my guy is running behind and then they’re going to go on the counter. “So I always try to miss for more. I try to get the best pass but if I miss I know the ball goes out and they have no chance to counter. But the reward is I know if the pass is the one, Bryan’s going to score, Amad’s going to score, Matheus, Mason, Josh. All of them. And if they don’t score, we’ve created something. So, they [the opposition] are going to be more wary.” Fernandes’ passes to Matheus Cunha may not come off every time but by pushing the limits they create a wariness in defenders Credit: Marc Atkins/Getty Images It sounds like Fernandes is a coach on the pitch and a manager, when the time comes, in waiting? “I don’t try to be, it just comes natural, and it’s the way I like to see the game,” he says. “I really enjoy that side, not coaching but trying to pass the information to other people and trying to make them understand.” He has indeed started his coaching badges and reveals that Shea Lacey, an 18-year-old attacking talent at United, was someone he coached as a 14-year-old. The football “brains’ trust” at United is quite extensive. Harry Maguire started his coaching journey with Fernandes while his “table” (when they travel) comprises Noussair Mazraoui, Tyrell Malacia and Leny Yoro, who, like him, “has the football on all the time”. So, will he coach when he eventually retires? “I’ve started but it’s not something I really think about, being a manager. If it happens, it will happen,” Fernandes says, admitting he worries about the hours it takes even for an “obsessive” like him who watches the Polish league because his friend – and former Udinese team-mate – Piotr Zielinski plays for the national team. The Manchester United captain is an obsessive student of football, watching games at all levels to broaden his knowledge Credit: Ryan Byrne for The Telegraph He then offers more extraordinarily detailed analysis of his footballing life. “My wife [Ana] is already, when I go to the table, when I’m on the sofa, she already asks: ‘Any games on the telly?’ I like to watch any type of game, any league, any division, if there’s something on I like to see, because you can learn from everyone and anywhere.... I like to see the bigger picture of football, because this is all I know how to do, everything I’ve done in my life and there’s nothing different I want to be doing.” United fans will want to know, what next? With the team improving under Michael Carrick, are they finally in a better position to compete after so many disappointments and false dawns? “It’s difficult for me to say that because we changed manager. We were building something and all of a sudden the club decided we need to change,” Fernandes says about Ruben Amorim’s sacking in January. “And then with Michael, we have this last spell, it’s going to be four months or five months, where we’ve been great until now. And then with the opportunity of getting the top spots to be in the Champions League next season. And let’s say that if we finish the way we want to finish, it’s going to look very good, but it’s still not the picture we want. “At the end of the day, it’s [about] what are we going to do for next season, to be the team we’ve been in this spell, for a full season? Because anyone can be good in spells. “Being good in the whole season is much more difficult to do. And that’s something we haven’t done, at least since I’m here, because with Ole [Gunnar Solskjaer], my second season, we were very good until January. And then [Manchester] City just put their foot on the pedal and we ended up coming second.” The missing ingredient is obvious. “We need to be consistent,” Fernandes says. “We need to understand there’s no time to rest, no time to disconnect. To understand that in a full league, every point matters. Every small detail will make a difference.” Which goes back to the start and his ferocious desire to compete. Fernandes has a high emotional intelligence and empathy. The stories about him are legion: from paying for staff nights out, to staying in touch with those made redundant, and leading the team out at Old Trafford with a child in a wheelchair. There are, speaking to those who work for United, many more. Such as spending an hour signing autographs here in Co Kildare. “If you are kind to someone in some way, someone will understand and be kind to you too,” Fernandes says. “If you’re doing the right thing, don’t worry about what others are doing, if it’s right or not. Kindness is something that should always be there. We are in a moment in the world where being kind is a bit difficult.” At United they are focused on being competitive again. But, for Fernandes, it is also about doing things the right way. On and off the pitch. submitted by /u/agent619 to r/reddevils [link] [comments]

This is hard for me to write. The man that I thought was the love of my life has decided to be someone else instead. They grew up together. Their families are close. When I first met him I was wary because of how close they are but he [along with everyone else who knows them] assured me there is nothing between them. "They are like brother and sister." And I was stupid enough to believe it. Last week I was assaulted at my job. One of my eyes is swollen shut and it hurts like hell. I'm a nurse and I was assaulted by a patient that I had administered naloxone to I am at home resting and my fiancé was with me until he found out that his close friend was in a small car accident. A van backed into her car in a carpark. She wasn't even inside but my fiancé lost it when he found out. He left our flat to be with her even though she was with her boyfriend. She wasn't hurt but my fiancé said he thought she was, and it made him realise that he loves her and "can't lose her." He told me he confessed his love to her and she said she feels the same and it broke something inside me. I don't even know why I'm writing this. It won't bring him back. submitted by /u/heartbreakaccount313 to r/TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]

Our little van kitty Lexi recently celebrated 3 years as a full time van cat. Since she became a part of our travelling family in Ecuador, she has travelled all the way down to the end of South America with us🤘 submitted by /u/KombiChronicles to r/VanLife [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/zzill6 to r/WorkReform [link] [comments]

Today I said goodbye to my sweet boy, Roody. He was with me for almost 16 years and was truly my soul dog. I am completely broken, but also at peace knowing he is no longer suffering. Nothing prepares you for this kind of loss. Roody was a Walmart puppy, and his story is one I’ll always believe was meant to be. I was at church with family and friends when the message was about God sending signs into our lives and how so many people ignore them and miss out on the love and magic meant for them. After church, my friend’s younger brother was begging his dad to stop at PetSmart to look at dogs for adoption. His dad told him the only way he was getting a dog was if one fell out of the sky or if it was free, and neither of those things were happening. About 15 minutes later, we were pulling out of a Walmart parking lot and there it was. A handwritten “FREE PUPPIES” sign waving in the wind. His brother squealed and said it was a sign from God, exactly what church had just been about. His dad couldn’t argue with that logic and pulled over, telling him to get out and pick one before he changed his mind. I stayed back in the van. I knew if I touched a puppy, I wouldn’t be able to walk away. But while I was sitting there, one little puppy crawled over, climbed straight into my lap, and curled up. That was Roody. He chose me. We left that parking lot with two dogs that day. I was 19 when I brought him home, and when my parents found out, my dad was furious. But it didn’t matter. We were instantly inseparable. Even the vet commented on it, saying she had never seen a dog look at a new owner the way Roody looked at me. He was with me through every major chapter of my life. We moved through different states, different apartments, different phases of growing up. No matter where we were, he was happy because we were together. And so was I. I don’t know exactly why I felt the need to share all of this. Maybe it’s how I’m coping. Maybe it’s part of grieving. But I hope it helps someone else who is going through this kind of loss. And I hope it reminds people to pay attention to the signs life puts in front of them. I will always be grateful my friend’s dad stopped that day. My life would have looked very different without my little man by my side. Rest easy, Roody. Thank you for choosing me. submitted by /u/Delicate_Rose_69 to r/DOG [link] [comments]

Hey everyone, Looking for honest opinions from people who’ve either made the move from Montreal to Vancouver or seriously considered it. My family and I are debating relocating from Montreal (after 3 years living there) to the Vancouver area, likely North Vancouver (Lonsdale / Lynn Valley). On paper, it looks great — but I’m trying to separate reality from the hype. Our situation: • Couple in our 30s • One young child (3 years), planning a second • Currently settled in Montreal (daycare, routine, small social circle) • Combined household income is solid (not struggling, but also not “money doesn’t matter”) - around 300k. • Work would be based in North Vancouver, flexible/hybrid • Housing target (for rental): 2–3 bedrooms, 1,100+ sqft What’s pulling us toward Vancouver: • Outdoor lifestyle (parks, ocean, nature with kids) • Milder winters • Family-friendly neighborhoods in North Van • Will finally be back to office work (same company), after 4 years of WFH • Less taxes What worries me: • Cost of living vs quality of life (especially rent/daycare) • Feeling isolated compared to Montreal’s social fabric (we have half a dozen friends, that we see every few weeks) • Losing the “easy” lifestyle Montreal offers (routine, spontaneity, affordability) • Whether Vancouver actually feels better day-to-day for families, or if it’s just prettier • Childcare/schools and Healthcare: availability + waitlists Specific questions I’d love input on: • If you moved from MTL → Vancouver: do you regret it? Or would you do it again? • For families: does Vancouver genuinely deliver a better family lifestyle, or is it overrated? • How bad is the social side really? Harder to make friends long-term? • North Van specifically: is it worth the premium compared to staying in Montreal? • Anythings you wish you’d known before making the move? Not looking for a “Vancouver vs Montreal war” — genuinely trying to make a grounded family decision and would appreciate real-world experiences, good or bad. ---- EDIT (clarifications): My role would be based in North Vancouver, which is why we’re focusing on that area. Lifestyle-wise, we’re not hardcore outdoorsy or nightlife-focused — more a comfortable routine, good day-to-day quality of life, kids’ activities (sports, classes, parks), with occasional travel. This would likely be a medium-term move (~5 years) before relocating again for work (outside of CAN). We’re only looking to rent (not purchase) during this period. We have a car, so transit dependence isn’t a major factor. Hoping to keep our daughter in French preschool, with a possible transition to public French / immersion later on. Curious about job opportunities for an IT Project Manager (for my wife) in the Vancouver area compared to Montreal. submitted by /u/Zunginoo to r/askvan [link] [comments]

I'm fine btw. I have a diesel heater. I have a 5 season carp fishing sleeping bag under my 15 together duvet. I have lots of socks, hats and hot water bottles. I have friends and family I could stay with if it gets too bad. I am working on getting the insulation done but I work full time and have other responsibilities too. This conversion is a marathon not a sprint. 😅 submitted by /u/Khionia to r/VanLife [link] [comments]

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/MousseExternal6886 posting in r/AITAH Concluded as per OOP 1 update - Long Original - 20th November 2025 Update - 5th December 2025 ​ AITAH for telling my family they are never going to be part of me or my son’s life? ​ In 2020, I (30) did something horrible to my family by stealing from them to fund my addiction. I stole some electronics including old cellphones, a game console, and a blu-ray player to buy heroin. I cannot and will not justify these actions and fully accept them as my own and their consequences. I was caught and my family became aware of my addiction. It was hard to see my parents realize what was happening, but the hardest was seeing how heartbroken my 17 year old little sister was. They dropped me off at a rehab center where I spent three months getting detoxed and sober. I did not hear from them while I was in there. I tried calling to let them know how I was, but I never received an answer. The day I got out, I went back home. My family there informed me that they would no longer be considering me a member of the family and that I was to leave the home and not contact any of them for any reason. I attempted to stay with other family, but when I contacted my grandparents I was told that my parents had called them and several others to tell them that if they kept in contact with me in any capacity, they would cut off contact with them as well. I was able to see how my sister was doing via my mothers Facebook posts, but after liking one, I was messaged and told that I am allowed to look at the posts, but all other family members will be blocking me and I am not to interact with the my mother’s posts. I was completely destroyed and left on the streets. I stayed in a homeless shelter and got a menial job, enough to get a rundown apartment, and slowly put my life together. I went through therapy to process the extreme grief I felt. I focused on work and did school online enough to finish my degree from when I dropped out at 21. I was able to secure myself a very good position several states away and moved there as soon as I could. Three years ago I met the woman who is now my wife. Her father went through a similar struggle with addiction and her family welcomed me with open arms. Last year we got married and three months ago we welcomed our son into the world. Of course, being a proud new dad, I posted my boy all over social media to show him off to the world. Since then, I’ve been inundated with calls and messages telling me that my parents want to meet my son. I have no plans to allow that. My family abandoned me at my lowest and actively worked to cut me off from any familial support I could have had. I am not owed forgiveness for my actions, but I can’t pretend that what they did was anything less than complete disownment of me at my most vulnerable. I told them, not very politely, that I do not consider them my real family and that they are to come nowhere near me, my wife, our son, or anyone related to us. I’ve been getting messages daily about how I “Never earned their love back” and am “cheating them out of having a son again” and thus I owe this to them, from my parents and others. I am not giving in, at all, nor do I ever plan to. AITAH? EDIT: There’s been a lot of replies along a broad spectrum of opinions and takes. I may not have replied to them all, but I did read them all. For now, I am stepping back. My wife and I have decided that we are going to be speaking with my parents via a video call and discussing the past five years and where everyone stands as of today to gauge where we all are and decide how to move forward. I’ll be taking everything I’ve read here into consideration in how I decide to approach this situation. I’ve seen a lot of people wanting updates- I will post an update on this when the dust has settled and I can say with some certainty what’s going to be happening. Thank you all for your words of kindness (and otherwise). Every one of them is appreciated. ​ Comments ​ Flimsy-Fortune-6437 How were you supposed to “earn their love back” when they made every possible effort to shut you out? FatBearCGN More so, I think everyone can understand that OP had to earn their trust back, but the love for OP should have been there unconditional and all the time. ScarletteMayWest Make all of your social media private. Share with your in-laws how you feel and make sure they have your back. More than one 'well-meaning' relative has been know to leak photos or even plan an ambush for a happy family reunion. Good luck. NTA Common-Drawer3132 Forgiveness is optional and access to your child is a privilege, not a right. JeffSpicolisVan Forgiveness is optional and access to your child is a privilege, not a right. Particularly in light of this statement: I’ve been getting messages daily about how I “Never earned their love back” Uhm...ok, I'm old and slow now, however, will someone please explain to the rapidly aging old person here how OP was supposed to do that when: A- they were completely blocked from all of their former families socials and B- other family were threatened with also being cut off from the rest of the family forever and ever, amen if they gave OP any info. Seriously, I'm not seeing how that was even going to be remotely possible. And now they are yelling about grace and forgiveness? Really? That's a bold stance to take given how they set all of this up back when they cut OP off. But I guess that's just when it's convenient for them and not the other way around. NTA, imo. ​ **Judgement - NTA*\* ​ Update - 2 weeks later ​ A little bit back I posted a thread on this sub. I want to thank everyone for their words, both kind and unkind. I look back on that post and feel like I did not hit the mark in some areas for how I expressed myself and the situation, and so it was interpreted in wildly different ways by different people. I initially wanted to address those, but to be honest, I’m ready to leave this behind, so I’m not going to do that. The only thing I will add clarity to, since it came up several times- my family did not pay for my stay in rehab. I was making less than $20k per year and my employer only offered an HSA for health benefits, so I qualified for Medicaid and had been on that since I moved out of the house. Medicaid in my state pays for the cost of in-patient rehab, and this is how my treatment was funded. For the sake of brevity and so that I don’t dwell on it longer than I should, I will briefly run through some relevant context and a short summary what my father expressed to me during our conversation. To add some context that I think explains his mindset, I will give some of my father’s history here. He came from China to the US to attend college and fell in love with the country. My father hates China and communism. He saw America as a land where he could have the opportunity to thrive in ways he couldn’t in his home country, so he married an American woman and stayed here, starting his own business. My father’s dream was that one day, he would pass this business down to his son, then to his grandson, continually passed down as his legacy. He was very much a tiger parent and my mother, having always been very submissive, followed suit. I’d been told from a young age that this is what my future would be and my life was curated around it, down to what university I would attend and my major. All of this will give context to my father’s position. The call was just me, my wife, and my father. It was a long and awkward conversation, but here is the gist of it- My father regards my bisexuality and my decision to not finish college as direct actions of ungratefulness to his efforts in raising me and feels that I have not been thankful that he did not take action against me earlier. Me being bisexual still left room to marry a woman and have children, so he did not interfere with it. He could still teach me how to manage the business even if I needed to hire others to help with the physical labor involved with it, so he got past the fact that I dropped out of college. However, it was not the stealing that broke the camel’s back to him- it is the fact that I used drugs at all. He was upset that I had stolen from the house, but to him, it was ultimately inconsequential compared to me abusing a substance. The fact that I used drugs at all meant that I could not be trusted with his legacy, and since I could not contribute to the family legacy, it was necessary to cut me out of the family entirely to avoid the shame of having an addict among them. He made it clear that this is how he felt then and that his feelings have not changed, nor will they ever change, no matter how clean I stay or how successful I become, because I ruined his dream. Despite this, I owe him a debt of gratitude by leaving the family vacant of a son to pass his legacy down to. Now that I have a son of my own, there is potential my father’s legacy could be passed down to him. As someone who used drugs, this necessitates him and my mother stepping in to ensure my son is properly raised into the position I was to inherit. I did not get to speak to my mother to ask her about the messages she had sent me. The call ended pretty abruptly when my wife realized that it wasn’t a conversation that would go anywhere. I was in a bad spot for the weekend after that Friday night. I cannot express with words how thankful I am that my wife was there to help me stay sane. I am going to spend the rest of my life doing every possible thing I can to be as much of a rock for her as she is for me. Right now, most of that is in the form of taking on any and all housework in addition to doing my part to take care of the baby while her body recovers. As our son grows up, I’ll keep finding new ways to let her know how much I appreciate her. As for the future, this is what we’ve decided- On my part, I’m going to work a lot less. For those wondering, I ended up being a technical writer, and it’s a job I’m quite good at. It also pays for us to live very comfortably, even if I go well below a full-time work schedule. When I met my wife, I used work as my distraction. Marco Pierre White was correct when he said work is the best painkiller mankind has ever come up with. However, I don’t think this is a healthy way to cope now that I have a child. I’ve decided I’ll use the extra time off of work to attend an extra therapy session every week for more intensive treatment and to help develop some better coping mechanisms that don’t involve me working myself into an early grave. As for our son, we have decided that my parents will not be a part of his life for the foreseeable future. We aren’t sure what we will tell him, but as he grows up and we see more of his personality, we plan to speak with a counselor who has experience in child psychology to find a way to approach the subject that won’t be distressing or confusing for him. A lot of people mentioned the idea of me taking my wife’s name. We floated that for a bit, but ultimately we’ve decided that we will be choosing a new family name entirely. It feels like more of a fresh start for a new legacy. We aren’t sure which name we will go with yet, but we hope to have that done by the end of the year. And honestly, that’s pretty much it. There isn’t much else to report. I know this update will get a wide range of responses. Sorry to disappoint, but I will not be reading or responding to any of them. I know the man that I’ve become. I know I am a capable father and loving husband. I know I have a disease that puts me at a disadvantage when it comes to anyone’s trust or respect because of my choices in the past, and I know that despite them, I will continue to be the best man I can be for my family. And as much as I appreciate all the responses, I don’t need to hear strangers on Reddit praise and condemn me to know that it’s true. I’m going to log out of this account after posting this and I will not be logging back in. Thanks for reading. ​ Comments ​ FatBearCGN Your father sees you as an investment for his dreams and not as a person, when you did not gave the dividend he expected he got rid of the asset. Now that there is a new asset he wants to use his history as a shareholder to get the buying option to start over but only under the stipulation to be the CEO to make sure that this time there will be a nice payout for him… You see the way it goes? You do right to stop your investor… I mean father, and his whole family, from even knowing your child! He deserve better and you too! It is great that you has a wife that sees that with you and supports you so much! Your father will never see his role in all what happens. Be happy with the people that love you unconditionally and the people you love the same way, thats the best life! Owenashi Your dad's a real clownshoe. In what universe did he think practically demanding your kid to raise just to make up for your drug-use upsetting HIS plans would work in his favor? Blocking your family's a good idea but you might want to prepare in case your parents won't take no contact for an answer and try some grandparents rights plan or something equal nonsense to get access. Gwynasyn Let me put it this way. Your father raised a son who took drugs, stole from family, had to go to rehab and only became successful once the said son was completely apart from that father. So he has some audacity to imply he has to make sure your son gets raised properly, when he is objectively the failure as a parent. ​ I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments submitted by /u/SharkEva to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I’ve done van life, I’ve worked jobs that are 100+ hours a week, and I’ve worked a “normal” balanced schedule. So I feel I have a good perspective of all sides. I’ll preface by saying I worked seasonal jobs in national parks for YEARS. As fun as it absolutely is, it’s summer camp for adults. Summer camp that provides housing, food, employment and a no brainer lifestyle for a young single person who does not yet know what they want to pursue in life. It’s very attractive to stay uncommitted to anything. But eventually it transforms into a massive regret. So often did I see people growing into their late twenties and early thirties that were still doing seasonal/van life. And you know what? It’s pretty depressing. Lots of them want out but have the working qualifications of a high schooler. So they stay. And they tell their friends, family, and social media that this is what they want. But what they don’t mention is that it’s all they can do. There’s this narrative that living on the road is “brave”. Which is true for a time. But eventually it becomes the same fear that leaves people sitting in cubicles for decades. Fear of change and commitment to new ways of living. One day your body can’t keep up, or you want kids, family, or your own place that isn’t employee housing. And the longer you wait, the harder it gets. This is not meant to deter people from traveling and having fun. It’s just a heads up that you should know when to quit while you’re ahead. submitted by /u/9percentbattery to r/unpopularopinion [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Suspicious-Basil7882 AITA for refusing to cook a vegetarian Thanksgiving dinner? Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole Thanks to u/nousernamelol2021 for suggesting this BoRU TRIGGER WARNING: Fears of loss of a parent. Controlling behavior MOOD SPOILER: schadenfreude Original Post Oct 2, 2024 I feel like I’ve slipped into the twilight zone with this whole argument, so tell me what’s up, internet folks. Background: I (31F) and my brother Mark (35M) do not get along. When he was a teen he saw a documentary on factory farming and decided to become a vegetarian. He got very, very annoying about it quickly, but my dad shut him down when he started trying to get the rest of us to be vegetarian with him. Then he went to college, made a bunch of very strange friends, and went militantly vegan. It’s his entire personality. I stopped talking to him after he threw a fit about one of my birthday dinners being at a steakhouse and spammed my messages and SM with pictures of abused cows. My parents have been trying to repair the situation and for a while, it did seem like Mark was getting better so I’ve been letting him back into contact gradually. Then he started dating Pam, who is some kind of vegan influencer. She is apparently moderately popular online, but I have no idea what she does exactly. I don’t know if Mark was trying to impress her or what, but last Thanksgiving he insisted that mom cook at least a vegetarian meal or they wouldn’t come on “ethical grounds”. My mom just wanted everyone to get along on her favorite holiday, so she agreed. It was not a fun meal. This year, my parents have downsized for retirement and my mom is having health problems. I bought their house when they moved, so my mom asked me to host Thanksgiving so it would be like usual. I told everyone in the group chat so Mark and Pam could make travel arrangements and Pam immediately started gushing about all the vegan replacement recipes she could give me to replace the traditional ones. I said to send me a main dish recipe they like and I would give it a shot, but I’m making the traditional meal otherwise and there should still be plenty of things they can eat. Mark and Pam have been arguing about this with me for days and then Mark said that if I wouldn’t make a meat-free meal they wouldn’t come. This upset my mom, who asked me to just make what she made last year to keep the peace, but I told her that Mark needs to get over himself and I’m not coddling him. I’m having turkey on Thanksgiving. My dad privately agrees with me, but Mark threatening to not come is upsetting my mom so much that he’s worried it will impact her health. There’s a not big, but also not zero chance that these might be some of the last family holidays we have with her. My mom thinks I’m putting turkey over my own family and I’m not so sure anymore. AITA? Edit: Whoa, this blew up. So the answers to some common questions: As I said, I’ve already offered to make sure there is a main dish and sides they can eat. Mark and Pam will not show up if anyone else eats meat at this meal. If any meat is served to anyone, they won’t come. Doing multiple meals that day or across multiple days is a no go. I’m a newly minted critical care physician at an understaffed hospital during a major holiday week and I will have a limited window of time between shifts. I have time for one gathering and I would rather not waste it on a miserable one like last year. Mark and Pam can’t host because they live in a van at present. I’m also not willing to have them in my kitchen for hours bitching about the meat in my fridge, the cookware and utensils, and whatever else they can find to complain about. The time it would take for them to come eat, socialize for a couple of hours, and leave is the maximum amount I’m willing to let them be in my home. Although it would admittedly be interesting to watch them try to host a family Thanksgiving out of a van. It is very unlikely that my mom is going to die anytime soon. It’s just a non-zero chance, she’s understandably worried about it, and is in the pessimism stage of grieving her health. She has a good prognosis and most people with her condition pull through and live for a long time afterward. If it is by some chance the last Thanksgiving, I don’t think a repeat of last year’s Thanksgiving would do her any good either as everyone left that table unsatisfied and unhappy. Edit: So, a possible situation to this that I came up with while talking to my partner is to just work through Thanksgiving instead. The attending on shift that day would probably be happy to stay home, so swapping wouldn’t be hard. Mom would be sad about cancelling, but she knows my job is demanding and saves lives so she won’t be upset. Mark and Pam can kick rocks. To be honest, eating hospital turkey between emergencies sounds better than a family Thanksgiving right now. I’ll have to turn it over some more. Edit 2: Problem mostly solved. Dad finally hit critical mass and told Mark that if he didn’t get his ass here on Thanksgiving to support mom unconditionally and without a single complaint or argument the entire time, he was disowning and disinheriting him and the next time he needed money or help he could forget it. So Mark is theoretically coming. Pam is not. Dad has already ordered the turkey. The recipes Pam sent are ridiculously complicated, so I worked out a deal with one of the nurses at work who is vegan and she’s going to make a couple of her favorite dishes ahead that I can bake day of for Mark. We’ll see if he actually manages to show up. VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE RELEVANT COMMENTS JadieBugXD My aunt was vegan, she brought her own meals to family gatherings. Why can’t they do the same? NTA OOP They object to participating in anything that involves meat. Won’t even go to non-vegetarian restaurants. They’re really extreme about it. OOP when called out on calling their brother weird I’m calling his college friends weird because they were legit weird. One ended up joining a cult. One believed in drinking urine as medicine. One had moldy white people dreads. One of them tried to recruit me to his polygamous harem when I was 18. I’m contemptuous of my brother because he roundly deserves contempt. He’s a self-righteous, entitled freeloader that spends his life being angry at everyone for ridiculous reasons, has barely ever had a job or contributed anything to society, and blames everyone else for anything bad that happens to him due to his own stupid life choices. Update Dec 5, 2024 (2 months later) Thanksgiving with the Vegan Beother Update “Brother”, not “beother” People have been asking and I’m finally out from under the balls to the wall madness at work for a little bit, so buckle up, folks. I have a story. So, to recap: my mom is sick and wanted a nice family Thanksgiving at my house, since it used to be the family house and their new place is small. My vegan brother and his girlfriend refused to come unless the entire meal was vegetarian, I.e no meat allowed for anyone. I am not okay with being blackmailed over food in my own home. It was upsetting my mom enough that before Thanksgiving, my dad called my brother and told him that if he did not show up to Thanksgiving, support my mom, and be pleasant to everyone without a single comment about food, he was disowned. My brother agreed to come. His girlfriend opted out at the time. My dad and I planned the meal. I made sure there were plenty of vegetable dishes available and made a deal with a vegan nurse at work to make me a couple of vegan casseroles that I could bake for my brother. My mom was happy and it was looking like everything was solved. My brother arrived the night before Thanksgiving with the girlfriend after all in their van, which they live in. This was unplanned, but at least they showed up. They intended to camp in my yard. I told them absolutely not. They asked if they could stay in my guest room, then. I said that I had not planned for them to stay there and given their previous behavior I thought it best if they went and got a hotel room, plus they have a large breed dog with them, I don’t have a fenced yard, and I don’t want the dog to be in the house. They can’t afford a hotel room. He calls mom. The community my parents live in does not allow overnight guests under 50, so they can’t sleep there. To end the debate, I pay for a hotel room and allow the dog to hang out in the garage for the night because the hotel doesn’t accept pets that large that aren’t service animals. Thanksgiving day, my parents come over, other family members and my partner come early to hang out, and everything is going fine. Brother and girlfriend roll up about 11. They both smell strongly of weed, which is not legal here, which makes things awkward from the start. Girlfriend comes into the kitchen to help even though everything is almost done, and starts taking pics with her phone without permission and telling my very Southern great aunt who has been cooking since God was a child how to make cornbread dressing the right (vegan) way. Several “bless your heart”s later, girlfriend is firmly escorted to the living room instead since she’s a “guest”. Meanwhile, my brother has cornered my partner, who is also in the medical field and has the patience of a saint, about his vaccine conspiracies and my dad is just letting it happen because at least he’s not talking about food. Finally we’re ready to eat and everyone is making a plate. Girlfriend asks a million questions about ingredients and then just gets small portions of two side dishes (not even the actual vegan dishes made by my vegan friend). My brother eats all the vegetable dishes but comments about how Girlfriend makes them better. I notice Girlfriend gets up to go to the bathroom a lot, and at one point she’s gone for a while so I go check on her to make sure she’s ok. Y’all, this woman was filming a TikTok video for her channel IN MY BEDROOM. I was speechless. She apologized and said that she thought it was the guest room and she “needed a minute away” from the smell of meat. I told her to stop and go downstairs and that since it’s illegal here to record video on private property without the owner’s permission, if she posted anything she recorded in my house I would press charges. After we were done eating, my brother pulled me off to the side and told me that I was a bitch for threatening his girlfriend. My partner happened to be close enough to hear and apparently told my dad. Dad asked my brother to help with something outside for a minute. I don’t know what was said, but my brother came back in looking pissed, “reminded” Girlfriend that they needed to head back to beat traffic, said goodbye to mom, and they left in a hurry. So much of a hurry that they forgot the poor dog who was still out in the garage and by the time my brother answered a call he was so worked up he cussed me out and told me to just keep the dog since I had to have everything my way and his girlfriend was yelling in the background when he hung up. My mom either completely missed what was going on or is pretending she doesn’t know so we don’t have to talk about it, but she said she had a good Thanksgiving and it was nice to have everyone together. My dad hasn’t said anything about what he told my brother, but he wants to take mom to the beach for Christmas and asked if my partner and I wanted to go without saying anything about my brother and his girlfriend. My cousin checked up on Girlfriend’s channel and says that she’s posted videos but they’re from the hotel the night before and the van afterwards so at least she has the sense to be warned. I’ve sent messages and so have my dad and partner offering to try to get the dog back to them but so far neither of them are talking. I don’t want to take the poor thing to the shelter. It’s not his fault and he’s not a bad dog, just big and excitable. Tl;dr - brother and his girlfriend showed up expecting to stay with me, were rude while they were here, left in a hurry, and abandoned their dog with me, but mom got her family Thanksgiving. Happy Holidays! RELEVANT COMMENTS milogiz Is there a way that you can keep the dog or find him a good home? I will tell brother dear that he and his girlfriend is no longer welcome at my house. OOP My partner has pack bonded to the dog at this point and the plan was to move here in January anyway, so we have a dog now. He seems to be enjoying his escape from van life so far. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Statement from Van Hollen: Mr. Abrego Garcia was illegally abducted by the Trump Administration and, by their own admission, wrongly deported to El Salvador. He shouldn’t have to spend another second away from his family. I'm flying to El Salvador tomorrow morning to check on his condition and discuss his return. Van Hollen and our other Maryland senator, Angela Alsobrooks, met with Kilmar Abrego Garcia's family last week. Abrego Garcia has been living in Maryland for more than ten years and has a US citizen wife and children. I hope Van Hollen is bringing security with him, and I hope he's able to bring Abrego Garcia back home to Maryland. And hopefully this will set a precedent for getting due process for all those who Trump illegally sent to that torture prison. Edit: You can call your representatives in the House and Senate to encourage them to stand with Van Hollen on this (and you can email Van Hollen's office if you want to leave a message of support, especially if you live in MD). And as someone points out below, campaign contributions can be used to pay for security. Donations can be made here. Edit 2: For those thinking of how Congressman Leo Ryan was murdered by the Jonestown cultists, I'm sure Van Hollen knows his life is in danger as he does this, and hopefully he's taking precautions. A key difference is that this would be the government of El Salvador, not a cult, killing a US senator. Trump would of course side with El Salvador, calling Van Hollen a crazy communist left wing extremist, but that would drive some people even further from Trump. It'd be an international incident. I don't know that Bukele would want to risk that, especially knowing there might be a Democratic president in less than four years. Edit 3: someone shared this in the comments below, which is heartwarming: Senator Van Hollen attended a town hall in Hagerstown with Congresswoman April McClain Delaney earlier this evening. When they announced that Van Hollen was leaving for El Salvador, the entire auditorium of some 1,500+ constituents gave him a standing ovation. Someone in the audience yelled, “Be sure you get back safely!“ and many of us voiced concern about his need for security. Very proud of Van Hollen and Delaney, and proud of the turnout of concerned (and pissed off!) citizens in our very red part of Maryland. Further edits: As of maybe 6am or so, Van Hollen is on his way to El Salvador. Short YouTube video filmed at the airport. And now he has arrived. Looks like Van Hollen and his team will keep updating us via his YouTube channel. Van Hollen speaks to the press in El Salvador (live streamed on YouTube) after talking with El Salvador's vice president. The VP wouldn't let him meet with Abrego Garcia, saying he'd need more time to make that happen. Van Hollen pushed, asking about meeting with Abrego Garcia next week or even just speaking to him on the phone, and the VP said he couldn't arrange it but suggested maybe the American embassy could request it. Van Hollen intends to talk to the embassy to make that happen. Van Hollen says he told the VP he may be the first US senator coming to El Salvador about this issue, but other members of Congress will be coming. He tells the press, "I will keep pressing in my remaining time here [in El Salvador], and I will keep pressing beyond that if necessary." As of Thursday, April 17, Kilmar Abrego Garcia is alive! Van Hollen has met with him. https://www.reddit.com/r/50501/s/iL7HQDL2CH This will probably be my final edit to this post. Here's hoping he gets home to Maryland soon. submitted by /u/michaelavolio to r/50501 [link] [comments]

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I hate those videos of families living off the grid traveling van life thing. I feel so bad for the kids not having a sense of stability not being able to make friends, no privacy. If you're an adult and want to do the whole van life thing cool but it's super unfair to drag your kids into it. submitted by /u/Whiskersandroses to r/offmychest [link] [comments]

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Winfallcurse in a relationships subreddit Note - 1) This is a really long post because I have included some relevant comments & advice which are the real gem & BORU seems like an appropriate subreddit to compile the entire post 2) Post structure is as follows – Part 1 - OOPs post + Advice Comment 1 Part 2 - Advice Comments 2,3 + OOPs Final Update 3) The advice included in the post is relevant for people receiving large inheritances, winning lotteries, or receiving other forms of windfall gains like settlements Disclaimer - I'm a little hesitant posting this, considering the length and that people might not be interested. But here goes nothing. Mood Spoilers: Happy Ending PART 1 Me [30M] with my GF's [27F] family following my sudden inheritance. Feel like my life is shattering. - 29th April 2016 Apologies in advance for the wall of incoming text... Where do I even begin? I'm so lost right now I don't even know how to put things into words or find a good starting point. I guess it goes with how two months ago, my life was exactly where I wanted it to be. I've been with the girl of my dreams [27F] for the last 3.5 years, we have house, animals, both of our families get along beautifully and honestly, the last 3 years with her and my family and her family around the holidays have been some of the most warm, fuzzy, memories I've had in my entire life and, believe me, I've been thinking about those times a lot lately. So, like I said, this problem is going to come in parts because my entire life feels like it is on the brink of completely falling apart. My mother was a very wealthy woman. Most of my life, she and I did not get along very well but I started working in the family business roughly 5 years ago and since then- we've actually developed a great relationship. It was one of those things where, after many years of feeling that my mother hated me, she was at last proud of me and not afraid to say she loved me and valued me. Then, last month in mid-March, she passed away. I'm tearing up thinking about this as I type because I've always felt that- despite her resentment towards me in my early years- I loved my mother more than anyone else in this world. I won't say much more than that- she had a hard life in spite of her wealth and I feel I could write a whole book on our relationship. Anyway, she is gone and my siblings and I are now extremely wealthy and have taken possession of the business and all of her investments and property. If that isn't scary enough- I'm having a hard time figuring out what I need to do next. The business I was associated with: I can handle and my siblings and I have really come together on this and they seem to trust me with that part of it. But it doesn't wash away the hurt and guilt I feel that I only got a few good years with the woman who gave me life. Anyway, my plan is to marry my GF by next year and we've already discussed the pre-nup situation, which I will be getting due to my newfound wealth. She has been nothing but wonderful after my mom's death. But the problems comes in her family. I won't go into much detail, but I love these people- like an extension of my own family- but they have already started trying to pry exactly how wealthy I am out of my GF and her mom has always had a gravitational pull towards- for lack of a better term- pyramid schemes. Her first sibling, "Terry" just got married and is working a fast food job. Terry and his Wife have decided they will be starting a family soon and stated that they want Wife to be a stay-at-home mom. This talk has only recently popped up and been brought to my attention and (I feel like I'm being paranoid) been directed at me as there is absolutely NO WAY they'd be able to afford this on the money they currently make or even while living in their small apartment. Like they are expecting me to help them out in a situation they are wholly unable to handle right now. Sibling no. 2, "Leslie" has run into some pretty serious legal trouble and is also pregnant- the father has a history of abuse and neither have steady incomes. They have recently come back into our lives after a 4-year long absence between GF and Leslie- though, prior to this, the two have always been extremely close (as GF is with all of her siblings) as throughout their childhood, a lot of the time all the had was each other. Sibling #3, "Kasey" who I hardly ever speak to has even started chatting me up on facebook more than she ever has in the entire time I've known her. Is this just my brain devolving into paranoia or is this actually happening? Like the lottery horror stories you hear where people come out of the woodwork with their hands out when they smell money on someone they know? I know for a FACT my mother, for all of her faults, fell victim to this when SHE inherited this money. She became increasingly bitter throughout her life due to all of the husbands and friends that took advantage of her for what she could do for them. She drank herself stupid every day for 30+ years and moved through carton after carton of cigarettes and alienated her own children. I don't want to be like that, I don't want that to happen. It's been less than a month that I've had more money than I know what to do with and I'm afraid to spend a dime or do ANYTHING with it because I feel like my GF's family is only the beginning. What's worse- and will probably make me look like a total shithead- is my GF has already committed to helping Leslie. They were close their whole lives and with all of the legal trouble and pregnancy, GF cries at night thinking about what's happening to her. She has not asked me to help financially or anything, but I have been there every step of the way to help support them and her as best as I can. But how will it look when my GF starts giving out her money to people while I don't and get viewed as a selfish scrooge. All of this is too much. The last three years were just so wonderful. So many magic trips to the beach, wonderful holidays, surrounded by not one but two families full of great people that accepted and loved me and now it seems like, because I lost my mother and am getting a windfall because of it, everything is changing- I don't get to be happy with family anymore and my whole life is crashing because of this. I know this is so far beyond a first-world problem- 'poor baby is now a multi-millionaire and is a little sad he can't have a happy christmas wah wah' but I feel so broken. I miss my mom, I don't sleep at all, I hardly eat, and- despite knowing full well the path my mother went down- I've been drinking a bit and smoking weed more than I ever had- on a daily basis in fact. My siblings seem to be coping just fine, and now I feel like everyone is out to get me. Even my GF is getting a little tired of hearing me voice my concerns over GF Siblings 1-3 and her mom's sudden extra interest in me- which is understandable, they are all very close and take up for one another. Now, I'm even doubting myself and thinking it's all in my head maybe- too many times my mother drunkenly telling me about all the times she trusted people and was let down. I'm just so lost. TL;DR - Mom died. Inherited a lot of money. My entire life has been flipped upside down and not in a good way. In response to the OPs post many commentators redirected him to “Lottery Winner” post – though the comments were related to lottery winners, a large portion of it is also relevant to people receiving windfall gains of other nature. Advice Comments 1 posted by u/BlakeClass on r/askreddit in response to “What to do after Winning Lottery” goes as follows 7th May 2014 Congratulations! You just won millions of dollars in the lottery! That's great. Now you're fucked. No really. You are. You're fucked. If you just want to skip the biographical tales of woe of some of the math-tax protagonists, skip on down to the next comment, to see what to do in the event you win the lottery. You see, it's something of an open secret that winners of obnoxiously large jackpots tend to end up badly with alarming regularity. Not the $1 million dollar winners. But anyone in the nine-figure range is at high risk. Eight-figures? Pretty likely to be screwed. Seven-figures? Yep. Painful. Perhaps this is a consequence of the sample. The demographics of lottery players might be exactly the wrong people to win large sums of money. Or perhaps money is the root of all evil. Either way, you are going to have to be careful. Don't believe me? Consider this: Large jackpot winners face double digit multiples of probability versus the general population to be the victim of: Homicide (something like 20x more likely) Drug overdose Bankruptcy (how's that for irony?) Kidnapping And triple digit multiples of probability versus the general population rate to be: Convicted of drunk driving The victim of Homicide (at the hands of a family member) 120x more likely in this case, ain't love grand? A defendant in a civil lawsuit A defendant in felony criminal proceedings Believe it or not, your biggest enemy if you suddenly become possessed of large sums of money is... you. At least you will have the consolation of meeting your fate by your own hand. But if you can't manage it on your own, don't worry. There are any number of willing participants ready to help you start your vicious downward spiral for you. Mind you, many of these will be "friends," "friendly neighbors," or "family." Often, they won't even have evil intentions. But, as I'm sure you know, that makes little difference in the end. Most aren't evil. Most aren't malicious. Some are. None are good for you. Jack Whittaker, a Johnny Cash attired, West Virginia native, is the poster boy for the dangers of a lump sum award. In 2002 Mr. Whittaker (55 years old at the time) won what was, also at the time, the largest single award jackpot in U.S. history. $315 million. At the time, he planned to live as if nothing had changed, or so he said. He was remarkably modest and decent before the jackpot, and his ship sure came in, right? Wrong. Mr. Whittaker became the subject of a number of personal challenges, escalating into personal tragedies, complicated by a number of legal troubles. Whittaker wasn't a typical lottery winner either. His net worth at the time of his winnings was in excess of $15 million, owing to his ownership of a successful contracting firm in West Virginia. His claim to want to live "as if nothing had changed" actually seemed plausible. He should have been well equipped for wealth. He was already quite wealthy, after all. By all accounts he was somewhat modest, low profile, generous and good natured. He should have coasted off into the sunset. Yeah. Not exactly. Whittaker took the all-cash option, $170 million, instead of the annuity option, and took possession of $114 million in cash after $56 million in taxes. After that, things went south. Whittaker quickly became the subject of a number of financial stalkers, who would lurk at his regular breakfast hideout and accost him with suggestions for how to spend his money. They were unemployed. No, an interview tomorrow morning wasn't good enough. They needed cash NOW. Perhaps they had a sure-fire business plan. Their daughter had cancer. A niece needed dialysis. Needless to say, Whittaker stopped going to his breakfast haunt. Eventually, they began ringing his doorbell. Sometimes in the early morning. Before long he was paying off-duty deputies to protect his family. He was accused of being heartless. Cold. Stingy. Letters poured in. Children with cancer. Diabetes. MS. You name it. He hired three people to sort the mail. A detective to filter out the false claims and the con men (and women) was retained. Brenda, the clerk who had sold Whittaker the ticket, was a victim of collateral damage. Whittaker had written her a check for $44,000 and bought her house, but she was by no means a millionaire. Rumors that the state routinely paid the clerk who had sold the ticket 10% of the jackpot winnings hounded her. She was followed home from work. Threatened. Assaulted. Whittaker's car was twice broken into, by trusted acquaintances who watched him leave large amounts of cash in it. $500,000 and $200,000 were stolen in two separate instances. The thieves spiked Whittaker's drink with prescription drugs in the first instance. The second incident was the handiwork of his granddaughter's friends, who had been probing the girl for details on Whittaker's cash for weeks. Even Whittaker's good-faith generosity was questioned. When he offered $10,000 to improve the city's water park so that it was more handicap accessible, locals complained that he spent more money at the strip club. (Amusingly this was true). Whittaker invested quite a bit in his own businesses, tripled the number of people his businesses employed (making him one of the larger employers in the area) and eventually had given away $14 million to charity through a foundation he set up for the purpose. This is, of course, what you are "supposed" to do. Set up a foundation. Be careful about your charity giving. It made no difference in the end. To top it all off, Whittaker had been accused of ruining a number of marriages. His money made other men look inferior, they said, wherever he went in the small West Virginia town he called home. Resentment grew quickly. And festered. Whittaker paid four settlements related to this sort of claim. Yes, you read that right. Four. His family and their immediate circle were quickly the victims of odds-defying numbers of overdoses, emergency room visits and even fatalities. His granddaughter, the 18-year-old "Brandi" (who Whittaker had been giving a $2100.00 per week allowance) was found dead after having been missing for several weeks. Her death was, apparently, from a drug overdose, but Whittaker suspected foul play. Her body had been wrapped in a tarp and hidden behind a rusted-out van. Her 17-year-old boyfriend had expired three months earlier in Whittaker's vacation house, also from an overdose. Some of his friends had robbed the house after his overdose, stepping over his body to make their escape and then returning for more before stepping over his body again to leave. His parents sued for wrongful death claiming that Whittaker's loose purse strings contributed to their son's death. Amazingly, juries are prone to award damages in cases such as these. Whittaker settled. Again. Even before the deaths, the local and state police had taken a special interest in Whittaker after his new-found fame. He was arrested for minor and less minor offenses many times after his winnings, despite having had a nearly spotless record before the award. Whittaker's high profile couldn't have helped him much in this regard. In 18 months Whittaker had been cited for over 250 violations ranging from broken tail lights on every one of his five new cars, to improper display of renewal stickers. A lawsuit charging various police organizations with harassment went nowhere and Whittaker was hit with court costs instead. Whittaker's wife filed for divorce, and in the process froze a number of his assets and the accounts of his operating companies. Caesars in Atlantic City sued him for $1.5 million to cover bounced checks, caused by the asset freeze. Today Whittaker is badly in debt, and bankruptcy looms large in his future. But, hey, that's just one example, right? Wrong. Nearly one third of multi-million dollar jackpot winners eventually declare bankruptcy. Some end up worse. To give you just a taste of the possibilities, consider the fates of: Billie Bob Harrell, Jr.: $31 million. Texas, 1997. As of 1999: Committed suicide in the wake of incessant requests for money from friends and family. “Winning the lottery is the worst thing that ever happened to me. William Post: $16.2 million. Pennsylvania. 1988. In 1989: Brother hires a contract murderer to kill him and his sixth wife. Landlady sued for portion of the jackpot. Convicted of assault for firing a gun at a debt collector. Declared bankruptcy. Dead in 2006. Evelyn Adams: $5.4 million (won TWICE 1985, 1986). As of 2001: Poor and living in a trailer gave away and gambled most of her fortune. Suzanne Mullins: $4.2 million. Virginia. 1993. As of 2004: No assets left. Shefik Tallmadge: $6.7 million. Arizona. 1988. As of 2005: Declared bankruptcy. Thomas Strong: $3 million. Texas. 1993. As of 2006: Died in a shoot-out with police. Victoria Zell: $11 million. 2001. Minnesota. As of 2006: Broke. Serving seven-year sentence for vehicular manslaughter. Karen Cohen: $1 million. Illinois. 1984. As of 2000: Filed for bankruptcy. As of 2006: Sentenced to 22 months for lying to federal bankruptcy court. Jeffrey Dampier: $20 million. Illinois. 1996. As of 2006: Kidnapped and murdered by own sister-in-law. Ed Gildein: $8.8 million. Texas. 1993. As of 2003: Dead. Wife saddled with his debts. As of 2005: Wife sued by her own daughter who claimed that she was taking money from a trust fund and squandering cash in Las Vegas. Willie Hurt: $3.1 million. Michigan. 1989. As of 1991: Addicted to cocaine. Divorced. Broke. Indicted for murder. Michael Klingebiel: $2 million. As of 1998 sued by own mother claiming he failed to share the jackpot with her. Janite Lee: $18 million. 1993. Missouri. As of 2001: Filed for bankruptcy with $700 in assets. So what do you do after receiving such windfall gains? (Continued in Part 2) Reminder - I am not the original poster. submitted by /u/raredontstare to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/ZephyrSonic to r/formula1 [link] [comments]

“Don’t end up like that guy. Go to school.” “Omg, look, a creeper van.” I come from a family where they want to see me as highly intellectual and who wants to pursue my education and go on to make 150k a year. We live in a big house but it just feels like way to much pressure. They have high expectations while I just expect myself to pass my class and nothing more. I am not happy with where I am at in my life. I keep doing things so that my family will shut up and make them happy. I don’t want to do any of it anymore. I just want to run and have fun. Im not like them. Hell, I’m the only person in the family is part of the lgbtq community. I’m so tired of pretending like I care. I’m so tired of pretending to be smart when in reality I’m just an warm-hearted idiot. For once, I just want to say “no” and turn my back like how so many other people did. My family will call me “selfish”, but they can think whatever they want. It used to bother me, but I really just don’t give a damn anymore. I’m an adult but I’m not treated like one. People still refer to me as a kid but… cmon. I feel so put down. I just want to live a simple van life and live down by the beach. Just get away from it all. I know a lot of good places to park and I would love to me other van lifers. San Diego is a great place for meeting and greeting with fellow van dwellers. They’re such nice people from the ones I’ve talked to. I just want to be a part of the community so bad, but I know my family won’t let me. I feel like I’m missing out on so much. Maybe one day when I have the opening, then I’ll take it. But for now, we wait…. What do I do? submitted by /u/Not_funny0 to r/vandwellers [link] [comments]

August 2006: Liam is a 17 year old teenager raised in a stable home in New Zealand. He worked part-time as a cleaner at the car company owned by his father. Like a typical teenager, he had recently been acting out. One fateful day, he drove his mother's car without permission. For his parents, this was the final straw, and they wanted to teach him a lesson, so they called the police. The police arrested Liam and took him to the prison. At the prison, he met George (age 25), another prisoner, and they were both transported to the court. At the court, Liam's parents declined to pay the bail, because they decided he should spend some time behind bars and "experience the effects of breaking the law". They hoped to teach him a lesson before he went on to commit more serious crimes. In the holding cell, Liam cried as his acquaintance George hugged him and tried to console him. At the end of the day, police transported all the prisoners from the court back to the prison. They placed Liam, his acquaintance George, and third guy into a police van. Liam and George were bantering. The third guy remarked that boy Liam seemed scared of George, but at the same time tried to act tough and brave. The pair hatched a plan to escape the van. They were handcuffed to each other, but tried for 15 mins to kick open the van hatch. When that failed, George suggested Liam to fake a seizure to get the guards to open the door. Liam refused, so George said he would put him in a chokehold instead. Liam said okay, so George started to choke him and asked "Is that all right?" Liam replies "Nah nah, it's not working. I can still breathe. You've got to go a bit tighter." Then George snapped and told Liam "You're going to die". George accusing Liam of being a "nark" (snitch) and he blamed Liam for why he was in prison. George claimed to be a King Cobra (gang) hitman who got "paid big money to kill". George told the third prisoner not to intervene, saying he had a knife in his pants and would stab him and have his family killed. George strangled Liam for about 15 minutes, wrenching his neck from side to side in an attempt to break it. The guards in the front never turned to look and see what was happening in the compartment. As the van pulled into prison, George stomped on Liam's head about seven times, then rubbed the teenager's blood over his shirt and face. When the van door opened, the third prisoner ran out, while George calmly told a guard: "Get this fella an ambulance, I just killed him." Liam sustained severe brain injuries. The following morning, his family chose to remove him from life support. According to the existing policy: 1) Liam should have been transported alone as he was a minor, 2) George should have been supervised every 15 mins as he was marked as "high risk" prisoner. Unfortunately neither of these two procedures were carried out. George was given a life sentence, with a minimum non-parole period of 18 years. Liam's family received a compensatory payout from the Corrections Department. The police introduced new policies to restrain prisoners at the waist, so they cannot freely move around the van. Why did George suddenly accuse Liam of betrayal? It was later revealed that the offenses George had been charged with were committed in an area of the North Shore close to Liam's home and George had reached the conclusion Liam could give evidence against him. Following his detention, George has instigated several further violent incidents against guards and other prisoners. Sources: https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/anguish-as-tough-love-goes-tragically-wrong/SNUCJBVMWXXJDKXQ2S6RIU2QAA/ http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/2380554/Witness-describes-horror-of-prison-van-death https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/violent-killer-george-baker-under-247-monitoring-after-shank-incident/JXTNYDMDEQT7HXT7EO3LNHNBNM/ submitted by /u/amznchime to r/TrueCrime [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/britt_nicole to r/TrueCrime [link] [comments]

There’s a lot on this sub about buys and builds, then a consistent amount of trip report style photos. I’m here to talk about the “after”. Aka, Welcome to my therapy session. My wife and I left Kentucky after purchasing a 94’ fire station van and converting it into our home on wheels. We were relatively #vanlife “classic”. No plumbing, but simple and useful hand build furniture. We had a floating bed below which we stored all of our backpacking gear, “normal clothes”, and a cooler. We had a bench pantry and a kitchen stuffs organizational box. Outside is a DIY ABS pipe solar shower, a Yakima box, and the biggest modernization, a solar panel for our 100w battery of house power. We travelled all over the Southwest and settled into Colorado. Even after picking up some jobs, we lived full time. When we needed to stay close we made wonderful connections via our bouldering gym. We were often in town then, being pitiful excuses for “stealth” dwelling, and we were just as often off somewhere getting lost. We spent significant time up in the mountains or out in the deserts of Utah. We’d spend days wandering around canyons and mesas. Exploring nameless alpine lakes or scrabbling over great red boulders. Rivers, lakes, hot springs, mountains, valleys, deserts, forests. Home was just wherever we wandered. What set in little by little was the value of quiet. Sometimes we’d find ourselves so present that we might just say “look over there” and then walk along silently towards “there” for another hour or two. We went through 100° F summer heat and sub zero winter storms. And it was just perfect. Then there’s the people. The weird van community. We’re not constantly in a familial cluster like thru-hikers, but there’s an acknowledgment that cuts right to that familiarity. You’re understood immediately. You don’t need all the, “But why?” or “where will you poop?” Another vandweller just gets it. They just know. The “why” is just the going. So even when you interact with another one the first time, there’s a mutual understanding already in place. You trade (in beer...or things) or share, or give freely. You help inflate a flat tire, or pull someone out of a ditch, because we’ve all pushed the rig into someplace sticky. You end up parked alongside others occasionally, and you share some food, double up the firewood, pull out some instruments. You swap stories and tales of places you’ve been or you are going. This is why you see the van cluster at the grocery store. When you go to town to resupply, you can’t help but to nudge in near that other van. It’s a little nod even if you don’t cross paths with the person. Someone else who knows you without knowing you. You become so aquatinted with the ground, natural rhythms, and the weather, it feels right. Like this is something that has always been and you’re returning to it. The red dust settled into our floorboards, into our clothes, our skin, and minds. We really did laundry (I swear!), but our mattress cover still has two slightly orange ovals from happy campers. Eventually you don’t feel dirty, you just feel alive. Wild haired and covered in the dust. Life is change though. Now we’ve got a little baby girl and she’s just the light of my life. What I feel like gets overlooked so often with kids is the difficulty of that transition. No one wants to be misunderstood as if they don’t like their kid, so they gloss over the things they find difficult. I want to say it’s fine to grieve the end of a good thing even if it begins another good thing. And it is grief. Two buddies of mine just thru-hiked the AT from GA to NY before injury and circumstance led to the conclusion of their hike. We’ve discussed the often mentioned “post trail blues” and I’ve tried to be an ear to receive their harder feelings. 1) because I care, and 2) because I’ve discovered that a lot of people quickly move on from your own life change even if you are still dealing with it. My friend shared an article by a psychologist that was studying thru-hikers. He found that post-trail “depression” is actual more accurately grief. As she was telling me about the study, that insight lodged into my head. That’s what it really is. Grief. It’s letting go. There was a time when we were covered in dirt and sunburn. I could dip my toes into a stream to cool off. When we’d boil our Nalgenes for hot water bottles in the winter. When we’d fall asleep looking at the sky and wake up later to shooting stars and Orion slipping away and tuck into the scratchy wool blanket. I thought that I’d carry that momentum forward into stationary life. That the many insights and joys would continue to give me steam afterward. Instead, it was like hitting a brick wall. I’m driving him around, we still call him “him”, but he’s just going from work to the apartment. The sense of the breadth of the world starts to waver and evaporate when you fall into the urban grooves. Don’t get me wrong, because of our time in a van, because of the challenges and adventures, the insights and joys, I’m truly happier now than I’ve ever been. I’m a different person, and a better one, but it still feels like losing a friend. When I get home from work at 1am, and step out of the van, I stop and look at the stars. There’s Orion in the sky, a bit more obscured by light and pollution. I feel like Orion, my four wheeled home, and I share a secret for a moment, we all know of a place in the desert where no one goes. Where the only sound is the wind. The difference is Orion is out there too, and we’re not. I go inside, both warmed and saddened by the images, and I’m just happy to be back to my little sleeping family again. submitted by /u/Laser_Dogg to r/vandwellers [link] [comments]