7 Brew

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/unraveledwords Originally posted to r/relationship_advice I (21f) slept with two people after my boyfriend (23m) opened our relationship and now he wants to break up with me. Trigger Warnings: accusations of infidelity, gaslighting Original Post: May 12, 2026 Sorry for the long post, I feel as though this is a very nuanced and unusual situation and so I struggled to explain it briefly. So my boyfriend and I have been together throughout our times at university, coming up on three years now. He is my first relationship and my first body whereas he has slept with a number of people before we got together. We have spoken before about wanting to have a future together and potentially kids once we both have a stable source of income. For the first time in years we are spending a few months apart as he has a graduate job and I don’t. I have been living in my family home and working in hospitality, so we haven’t seen each other in a few weeks. Prior to this our relationship was a little strained due to academic stress and we were arguing for the first time ever. We also almost entirely stopped having sex for months and the relationship felt like it was getting dry. I have a higher sex drive than he does anyway and so it was mostly me who was finding this difficult. We spoke about it and he suggested we opened up our relationship and allowed each other to see other people until we could move back in together when I found a job in the same city as him. He even implied that the idea of a threesome/ watching me have sex with someone else would excite him. As much as this might seem strange to other people I was quite excited he suggested this as I have never really had the opportunity to explore my sexuality. I was experiencing some anxiety about the fact that I have only ever been in a committed relationship, and I was worried I would one day regret not exploring more when I was younger. Despite this I still love him a lot and know he is the one I eventually want to settle down with. Since we opened our relationship about a month ago I have slept with two people, a girl and a boy. I met them both on dating apps, and I was very open about the fact I had a boyfriend, and I just wanted to explore. Both people were very accepting of this. I enjoyed the experiences a lot and I ended up spending a few nights with this girl in her apartment. It was mostly just because I find living at home very frustrating after having the freedom of living with my friends/ boyfriend throughout uni and my parents still treat me like a child. She and I only actually had sex a couple of times after drinking and mostly when we would hang out we would just play Minecraft or go to the pub. It was more like a friends with benefits situation. I was very open about the fact I was staying at her place with my boyfriend, and she was totally ok with the fact I had a boyfriend. So anyway, my boyfriend has been planning to visit me this coming weekend, and I have been thinking about what he said that he would like to have a threesome. I asked this girl about it, and she said she would be down, so I brought it up to my boyfriend and his reaction totally shocked me. He went absolutely nuts after finding out I had had sex with this girl already and said he had no idea. He feels like he has been cheated on because I didn’t explicitly tell him that I had sex with this girl, only that I had been staying at her place occasionally. I was sidelined. I assumed that he had also been seeing other people as there have been a few nights where he has not replied to me in the evening or asked to call like he usually does. However he is saying that when he spoke about opening up our relationship he meant only for threesomes and not for us to explore on my own. This surprised me as I got a completely different impression from our initial conversation where we spoke about us both getting a chance to explore before we settled down and became adults. One of my friends from uni also sent me a screenshot of him on a dating app from a couple of weeks ago which I told her I was completely fine with as we were both using them. He says now he only had the app to look for a third, not for him to do his own thing. Now he is saying that he isn’t sure if he can look past me ‘cheating on him’ and that he needs some time to think about whether or not he wants to be with me. I am completely devastated. I have deleted the apps from my phone and blocked the two people I slept with no explanation. Although I did want to explore I have always been certain that he is the man for me. We get on so well and he is dependable, caring, driven, everything I could ever want in a partner. My friends and family love him and we also share most of the same friends, so our lives are intertwined. We have even decided on our kids names and the street we want to live on one day. I have tried to explain to him that this was just a lack of communication and that I never wanted to hurt him. I have never even looked at another person until we agreed to open the relationship. But he is just saying this changes the way he thinks about me entirely. He has barely spoken to me since finding out and pretty much ignored my apologies. How do I earn his trust back? Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: Classic. He wanted to open up the relationship because he thought he'd get to sleep with other people, now he's mad & trying to punish because you had success on the apps and he didn't. You didn't misunderstand, he's lying because he played himself and wants to make it your fault. Commenter 2: For real. This happens so much, it is practically a cliche. The man wants to open the relationship to get some side action, inevitably it is way easier for the partnered woman to find others, and the man gets pissed off about her success and wants to shut things down. OP, this isn’t for you to fix. Your boyfriend needs to own his actions rather than punishing you for them. Until he does that, I wouldn’t be trying to beg for his forgiveness. His behavior is juvenile and a red flag. The only comment for you is don't block the people you slept with without communicating. That isn't cool. They deserve respect and you shouldn’t try an open relationship if you are going to treat others poorly. You can simply say that you are taking a step back to focus on your primary relationship, won't be reaching out again and prefer not to be contacted. But blocking without saying anything is not cool. OOP: After receiving a few comments saying to unblock the girl I definitely will be! She was really great and I think we could have a friendship if nothing else now. I just did it out of blind panic because I wanted to salvage my relationship Commenter 3: I didn't quite understand your post... Does your boyfriend know you had sex with another guy (not a girl)? If so, that's probably the real reason for his anger. But either way, it's his fault. He shouldn't have suggested an open relationship if it wasn't a sincere decision. OOP: He knows about both now as he began questioning me about it when I told him about the girl Downvoted Commenter: In the eyes of most poly relationships you have cheated. You said you made the new people aware of your BF, but did he know you were actively going on dates and intending to sleep with people? Usually opening the relationship means having honest open communication about your actions and intentions with other partners, not the ins and outs of the activities just an understanding that somethings brewing. I don't think you guys have the right communication and maturity for an open relationship. In terms of earning his trust back, it will take a lot of time and effort but it's difficult for things to ever go back to how they were. OOP: I didn’t tell him at all about the guy until he asked, but I was under the impression that he knew I had slept with the girl. I guess it is poor communication on my behalf that he didn’t understand the nature of my relationship with her. The reason why I didn’t tell him details is because I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with knowing the ins and outs of what my boyfriend was doing with other people and I stupidly assumed he felt the same. I just assumed that he was, and assumed he knew I was as that was what we had both agreed to do Commenter 4: You didn't misunderstand. He's lying. Commenter 5: "How do I earn his trust back?" What are you talking about??? How did you lose his trust? You agreed on an open relationship. Dump this insecure hypocritical boy.   Editor's note: OOP updated onto the original post Update: May 13, 2026 (same post, next day) UPDATE: Thank you everyone for the helpful comments! I didn’t expect this post to get so much attention, and I don’t normally use Reddit so I’m not sure if this is the correct way to do an ‘update.’ So he finally called me after he finished work last night for us to ‘talk.’ I apologised again for the miscommunication and said that I didn’t feel we had a detailed enough conversation to establish boundaries and to define what an open relationship means to us. He agreed but didn’t apologise for his role in that. He then said that he was mostly hurt because I seemed to have developed an emotional connection with this girl which I can understand and I apologised for again. Then he asked me if I felt like I was happy in our relationship. And to my surprise I told him I wasn’t. He said he wasn’t either and so we decided to break up. I haven’t even had a text from him this morning and I haven’t tried to reach out either. I do feel hurt and a bit lost but after the last few days of crashing out I also feel a huge sense of relief. As well as reading all the comments under this post I also spoke to a couple of my friends and came to the conclusion that if the two of us were truly happy together we wouldn’t have felt the need to open our relationship in the first place. I am going to give it some time to heal but now when I am ready I am free to be a young adult without the pressure of a big future looming over me. It has also opened up new job opportunities as I don’t just have to look in the same city as him so we could move in together. I know a lot of people are calling him a piece of shit and a gaslighting liar, but I am still very fond of him and so I don’t really care at the moment to argue with him and question his side of the story; whether he changed the terms of our open relationship or did end up sleeping around and didn’t want me to know. Maybe at some point I will bring him up on this, but I think the most important thing is for us to both try and move forwards. As for the ‘Minecraft girl,’ I sent her a text saying I will give her a call at some point soon to explain and she said that was totally ok and to take my time! So hopefully I have at least made a friend and something good has come out of this. Thank you once again everyone for the help and support xx   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/notadognana Me [61F] with my daughter [28F], she’s angry I don’t consider her pets my grandchildren Original Post Nov 15, 2017 My son told me about this website (daughter in question frequents it as well) so I’m hoping for some insight from a younger crowd. He suggested changing everyone’s names for anonymity, so hopefully I keep the aliases straight! I have three wonderful children: a son, Michael (35), and two daughters, Anna (31) and Marnie (28). All three are married to lovely people, and Michael and Anna both have children. I adore my grandchildren, but I want to make clear that I have never expected my children to “give” me grandchildren. I respect each of them and how they choose live their lives because it’s their lives. I realize this might come off as overly defensive, but I had a mother who felt entitled to influence over certain decisions in my life (such as picking the husband I am now divorced from). That being said, I adore being a grandma. Each of my grandchildren is a blessing, and I am so very proud of every single one of them. I’m the grandma who drives everybody crazy taking a million pictures, and I have a couple of dedicated shelves that I’m constantly updating with the latest pictures of my family (yes my children have suggested a digital photo frame, but I’m too old-fashioned to give up my paper copies!). Now onto the issue. Marnie and her husband are childfree but own three large dogs of varying breeds. They paid a lot of money for these dogs from high quality breeders, and they’ve gotten the dogs great training. These dogs are obedient, sweet animals who love to be loved, even if they sometimes forget their own size (hard to share a recliner with 150 pounds of muscle!). I do love these dogs and am happy to have them over whenever Marnie or her husband come for a visit. Last week, I got a call from Marnie in tears that honestly came as a bit of a shock. Now, I’ve mentioned the shelves of pictures I have. Apparently, at their most recent visit, Marnie’s husband scrutinized the photos and realized that while each family has its own shelf, the grandkids get a separate shelf and none of the dogs’ photos were on that shelf. To be clear, I do have pictures of the dogs (and I love the dogs! Love the dog pictures!), but those pictures are only on Marnie and husband’s dedicated shelf. Michael and Anna’s families both have their own shelves, and then there’s an additional shelf just featuring pictures of my grandchildren (all school photos/pictures from formal dances, games, recitals). Marnie told me that she is hurt that I do not have pictures of her dogs on the “grandchildren” shelf because she said “they are my children” and she feels I do not value her or her family as much as Michael and Anna. This is just not true, and I admit, I got a little defensive out of shock. I pointed out that I spend equal amounts of time with each of my children, and everybody has their own designated call night. She said I’m always going to Michael’s daughter’s soccer games or Anna’s children’s dance recitals, and I countered that I also went to Marnie’s husband’s softball games (I even hosted their league holiday party last year!) We argued for about an hour and just kept returning to the dog pictures not being on the same shelf as the grandchildren, and all I could really say was that I never considered the dogs as my grandchildren, just beloved family pets. Marnie hung up on me after that, and I felt absolutely horrible because it felt like we were both talking past each other. Michael called me just moments after hanging up, because it was his family’s designated call night and I’d missed our usual time. I was still upset from the call with Marnie and told him about our conversation (which I should not have done and absolutely regret), and he immediately went off on his sister. He was furious that she was angry with me, and offended that she would even suggest her dogs were “on the same level” as his or Anna’s children. I quickly got the sense from his rant that this was a resentment long-brewing between the two of them. They didn’t really see eye-to-eye as children, but they’ve always been friendly to each other in front of me, and Marnie is a great aunt to both Michael’s and Anna’s children. But he just went absolutely in on his sister, calling her selfish and spoiled and delusional (which I told him was inappropriate and rude and not something I wanted to hear him say about his sister). He said that he and Anna had been putting up with her “BS” (although he didn’t use the abbreviation) for too long, and that he couldn’t believe she was trying to drag me into this “nonsense.” He closed out his rant by saying that comparing her dogs to his children was a “f-ing insult” and he wouldn’t stand for that “sh—”. He then got an earful about swearing at his mother, and by that time it was far past the children’s bedtime, so I missed out on catching up with them. All around, not a good night. I tried calling both Marnie and her husband the next day, and got sent straight to voicemail. I assumed it was too early and they needed some more time to cool off, so I just left messages saying I loved them and missed them and hoped we could talk more about this. I sent a text message on Sunday to Marnie, but she didn’t reply. So I waited until today, Marnie’s designated call day, to try again, but I got sent straight to voicemail again. Michael and Anna both have tried calling Marnie and her husband, and they’ve also not gotten through. I feel like an emotional bomb has dropped on my family, and all I want is to get everyone in a room to talk this out. It’s Thanksgiving next week, and I want everyone to feel welcome and happy in my home, but I don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any advice or insight to provide in this situation? tl;dr: Childfree daughter is heartbroken I didn’t consider her dogs as my grandchildren. Her older brother is offended at the idea of her dogs being “on the same level” as his children. I don’t know how to handle this. Who’s wrong? Who’s right? RELEVANT COMMENTS SleepPrincess First thing, this seems rather silly that everyone is all upset about pictures on a shelf. I think maybe everyone should take a step back and realize that this is not worth such upset and discord. I'm getting the sense that Marnie has some emotional issues surrounding the fact that she is childless as compared to her siblings. It also seems that she feels some sense of inferiority to her sibling's families that have kids. I think maybe you should consider opening a conversation regarding that. I'm not entirely sure that this is exclusively about the dogs and the pictures... Edit: Is it possible that Marnie and her husband are struggling with infertility or something like that? Or have they made it clear they do not intend on having children? OOP No, Marnie and her husband have always said they never want to have children. She actually staged a little "coming out" to me just before they were married, to tell me that she and her husband were not going to have children. I was fully supportive and honestly not surprised, as she never expressed an interest in children the way Michael and Anna had. And yes, this does seem silly, which leads me to believe it's about much more than the photos. I tried asking Michael if this subject has come up between them before, but he's clammed up. Maybe I should ask Anna? I'd be very upset, after all the hullabaloo I've made about wanting them to make their own choices and live their own lives, if it turned out they'd been insulting and shaming each other behind my back. I thought I raised them better than that. ~ CormoranStrikesBack Be aware that Marnie may have been giving your son and her sister a tremendous amount of shit about this behind your back, which is why he blew up. I'd be FURIOUS if someone tried to intimate that my mom should love their dog as much as she would love any of my children. And I'm a dog person!!!! OOP I suspect this might be part of the issue. Michael's eluded to prior fights between them on this issue, although he won't tell me exactly what's been said. One of my grandchildren set up a FaceBook account for me that I never use, but I've thought about maybe looking at their accounts to see if there are any hints of these past fights. But part of me feels like that's overstepping my bounds. ~ justalittlebird88 I'm wondering if there's a deeper issue here. I don't think she logically believes you need to treat her dogs like grandchildren so I would personally suspect one of the following: She wants children but can't right now or can't at all, or feels bad she does not want to. Perhaps it's biological or perhaps it is her own guilt that she may feel for choosing not to, thinking you may see her as "less than" She has always felt overshadowed by her older siblings and this is the problem she chose to express her need for attention and validation from you over. I think she's wrong in how she's choosing to express her feelings, it's a very strange argument to treat dogs as grandchildren, but obviously there's a part of your family life she feels like she is being robbed of, or guilty over and she needs to work through those issues. I would try to get to the feelings behind the facade of the 'dogs as children' thing. OOP Marnie and her husband got married with the understanding that neither wanted children. She's never expressed a desire to be a mother, and I absolutely respect that. But yes, I'm worried that subconsciously I've given off some feeling that I'm disappointed or upset that she doesn't have children. I would hate so much to know that I was the cause of this angst, inadvertently or otherwise. I just want each of my children to live the life they want for themselves, and not feel they "owe" me a particular version of that life. I know that I can't expect each of my children to have a perfect relationship with their siblings, but I do wonder now if Marnie is feeling left out in some way, because Michael and Anna share an experience she doesn't have. It breaks my heart to think one of my children might feel like less than the other two, simply because she chose a different path in life. Has OOP attended events for dogs? I actually have gone to events for the dogs! About two years ago, the oldest dog was entered into a local sled-pulling competition, and I attended the race. I've also gone to the dog park with all of them, and attended a couple of obedience school graduations. They give the dogs a little graduation cap and it's adorable! Update Nov 15, 2017 (later that same day) Well, I just got off the phone with my middle daughter, Anna, and bless her for dealing with this nonsense when she's trapped at home on bedrest. I now have a much better understanding of the situation and thought I would share some of that with all of you, since you've been so kind as to spare me your time today. Also, I've learned that I have raised quite the trio of potty-mouths, and I'm thinking a swear jar fund for family vacations isn't out of the question! I decided not to text Anna and bring her further into this mess because of the aforementioned bedrest, but little did I know that she had spent most of her morning haranguing both of her siblings for their behavior. This fight apparently spilled over to FaceBook and just consisted of the two of them posting "statuses" about each other but not bothering to actually speak. Anna saw this, knew that I had been brought into the fight, and decided she would end it herself. While I appreciate her efforts, I am a little annoyed that all of this tension was boiling under the family and that my children apparently felt the need to protect me from their arguments, and then they go and explode the family with a resentment no one bothered to share. I'm also a little upset that Anna felt the need to act as mediator, when Michael and Marnie should have behaved like adults and simply had a discussion. I'm planning some significant one-on-one time with all of my children in the near future, just so that we can clear the air and everyone knows that they've been heard. Michael claims that Marnie started it, while Anna says that Michael started it. But regardless, one or two off-color comments from younger, more stubborn, and more insecure people about the others' choices has snowballed over the years to this new nonsense. Marnie felt judged for choosing not to have children, and Michael felt disrespected by some disparaging remarks his sister made in the past. Anna has been witness to most of these little spats, and I told her I don't want any more specifics, because it was wrong of them to throw me in the middle of this the way they did, and I'm certainly not going to let myself be put in the middle again. I'm also hoping Anna washes her hands of their fighting, but I know that it's ultimately her choice. My children are good at communicating with me, but less so communicating amongst themselves. Anna's told me to expect a call from both of them this afternoon, after they get dinner together and talk things out. I'm not expecting that everything will be perfectly resolved after one conversation, but I am glad to know they can put aside their grievances with each other long enough to try. Anna has also told me (with permission from Marnie) that part of Marnie's blow up had to do with a fight with her in-laws. They are less willing to accept not having grandchildren from their son. His father is a "senior," he is a "junior," and they were expecting a "the third." So that's about where things are left. I'm still upset at both Michael and Marnie, but I'm not really looking for an apology from either of them. I just want both of them to know that they are loved and respected. I'm sorry if this is all a bit rambling, as Anna had a lot to say. I'm thinking of suggesting the four of us attend a family therapy session after Thanksgiving, just to get everyone on the same page. I would also like to say thank you to everyone who commented (and there are so many!) but a special thanks to those who offered their perspective as childfree people like Marnie. I feel like I have a better idea now of some thoughts and feelings she might be having, whether she realizes it or not, and how we can keep improving our relationship. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Who was in charge of where 7 brew was located? Do we just completely forget general driving/parking lot rules when we wait in line for coffee flavored heavy whipping cream? Stop blocking flows of traffic because you want to post your coffee. This city has gone to shit. submitted by /u/RainMysterious3879 to r/SiouxFalls [link] [comments]

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i drove by the merle hay location and there are always dozens and dozens of cars wrapped around the parking lot. why is it so popular? submitted by /u/whiteiversonyeet to r/desmoines [link] [comments]

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