Activities For Toddlers

... for residents, especially pregnant women, toddlers, and the elderly who require... hall to participate in Posyandu activities. Mothers brought their children for... an early age. Not only toddlers and pregnant women, but also... hall, usually used for community activities, has now transformed into a... the health of its residents. Activities like this are crucial to...

... of colourful characters. Through these activities, children can learn about colours... personalise their artwork. Designed for toddlers aged three and up, this... addition to any child's playtime activities. Customer Reviews

... Theme – Educational Wooden Toys for Toddlers and Kids – 1 Year + on... sturdy construction and so many activities to explore, this trusty toy...

... of it until they were toddlers (which was awful and I... a SAHM I didn’t do activities more than once or twice...

... on the couch nursing. My toddlers behavior has also been a ... ��. It is helping to have activities for him to do close ...

... something other than being mommy. Toddlers are a handful, and it's..., hang out with mommy group activities, etc. then she has time...

How are we getting our toddlers to learn the concept of being quiet? We have a 3 month old and my 3 year old little chaos monster is so loud all the time. He doesn’t understand that we need to be quiet when she sleeps and keeps waking her up. She rarely sleeps to begin with! I’ve tried demonstrating whispering, quiet activities, etc. Please help!

... few social environments with other toddlers her age. My daughter is... when it comes to social activities. I know 18 months is...

... few social environments with other toddlers her age. My daughter is... when it comes to social activities. I know 18 months is...

... are burdened with many non-teaching activities,” he said, linking heavy administrative... children from when they are toddlers,” she said. Source: https://themalaysianreserve...

... on that- hear me out. Toddlers have a hard time differentiating... being ent throughout the day. Toddlers often will take pent up.... Being proactive in setting up activities that focus on balance (ie... to the pillows vs sibling. Activities like swings, jumping, crawling, rolling...

... he doesn't listen. it's for toddlers under 3 so it's not ... him and join in the activities myself to try to get ...

...) Different types of shoes for toddlers  This shoe store has excellent activities and services. Because here, school ...

... schlepping to 17 different after-school activities and making peace with dirty... to include fighting to get toddlers into exclusive preschools, putting extreme... Instagram-worthy, slime-making and sensory bucket activities that required hours of prep...

... well as for children and toddlers. The Sonar Bangla Market, located....png) 02 How were the activities, services and facilities at this ... of the local market, the activities and services here are outlined ...

... advantage of the activities offered, and how well these resorts cater to toddlers at that..., and therefore limiting for outdoor activities, or is that generally a ...

... activities these resorts offer, and I’m also wondering how age-appropriate they are for toddlers... or wintery for meaningful outdoor activities, or is that typically a ...

... tons of water toys and activities.  There were massages for basically... teens and toddlers we often prefer day passes to hotel resorts so that activities are available...

... and paramedics to stabilize infants/toddlers and support parents during high-stress... food security advocacy. Other extracurricular activities: Hobbies:Weightlifting I’ve been weightlifting... take time away from normal activities while recovering. I believe being...

... that have a variety of activities, if you haven’t already tried... all it’ll be easy, cause toddlers aren’t �� but it’s a worth...

...service. OUTDOOR THEATRE PARENT AND TODDLERS With activities like arty tots, beach tots ... a whole host of activities on offer for the teens. ... payable locally. SPORTS & ACTIVITIES The activity line-up at these ...October. TABLE TENNIS TENNIS WATER ACTIVITIES With activities ranging from aqua boarding – where ...resort for more information. WATERSPORTS* Activities include windsurfing, sailing, pedal boat, ...

...service. OUTDOOR THEATRE PARENT AND TODDLERS With activities like arty tots, beach tots ... a whole host of activities on offer for the teens. ... payable locally. SPORTS & ACTIVITIES The activity line-up at these ...October. TABLE TENNIS TENNIS WATER ACTIVITIES With activities ranging from aqua boarding – where ...resort for more information. WATERSPORTS* Activities include windsurfing, sailing, pedal boat, ...

... for both indoor and outdoor activities. Care for the costume is... fancy dress for kids and toddlers. The pixelated style is not...

As much as I'd love for my 3.5 year old to do ballet, gymnastics, rock climbing, sculpting, etc etc I cannot bring myself to spend hundreds of dollars on tuition for a class, only for them to run around the entire time and not listen. Some kids are ready to be directed in an activity but I feel like mine is not. So many of my friends's kids of similar ages are signed up for tons of activities after daycare/preschool hours and on weekends and I just...don't want to push it. Partially also because I love our unstructured family time like walking in the woods and playing with rocks in the backyard while I garden. I would hate to be rushing to a class every Saturday morning. Am I the worst? Should I be trying harder to get my kid to sit down and listen during story times/extracurriculars etc? submitted by /u/yepmek to r/toddlers [link] [comments]

Yup! She said it! She’ll drive 30 minutes for 7brew but not in this weather! However, when asked to take ivree to toddler classes (dance, gymnastics, library, etc) she said it’s too far for her. Also girls day???? Going to target and 7brew??? Okay Drue. Poor ivory just restrained all the time. submitted by /u/ButterflyRadiant9053 to r/Drueandgabe [link] [comments]

My wife and I moved to our house last year when we had a 10 year old and an 8 year old. Those were our only 2 kids with no immediate plans to add to the family so we were happy to buy a house with a pool. Especially since our kids are VERY outdoorsy and we live in a climate (southeast, US) where in the summer sometimes the only thing to do outdoors is swim. Our big kids are strong swimmers and use the pool daily in the spring and summer. Multiple times a day, even. Late last year we found out we are having another baby and then in early pregnancy we took a kinship foster placement of an almost 1 year old (now 14 months) that we are in the process of legally adopting. We will be having our last baby in July. Little dude is just as active and outdoorsy as the older ones. My wife is a SAHM and literally has him outdoors all day. He even eats lunch outside. It is the only thing that keeps him sane. During the day the pool isn't an issue because the big kids are at school so little dude just plays in his kiddie pool and roams around the backyard but we are realizing the pool will be used during the day while the kids are off of school for summer break and we will have in the added complication of a newborn. The pool has a gate and lock but we have to count on it being properly shut every time its opened. Our kids are good about it but mistakes happen and neighborhood kids are over swimming too. My wife has reoccurring nightmares where our little guy wonders into the pool as she is distracted by one of the big kids or the baby. We keep a good eye on him of course but "watch him closely" can't be the only safety measure other than the fence, right? Are we missing some magical way to ensure the safety of our younger kids while wanting to maintain the pool? Disclaimer: My wife and I both grew up poor and didn't know how to swim until we had kids so I could be an idiot looking over an obvious solution. Edit: Y'all, I never said the big kids use the pool unsupervised. They open the gate. They are never out there unsupervised though. The gate closes by itself but doesn't latch on the lock unless you manually do it. And lastly, he is in swim lessons but he's 14 months old so we are not going to rely on that alone. submitted by /u/RocketPowerPops to r/Parenting [link] [comments]

I 35(F) have been married to my husband 45(M) for 4 years and together for 5. We dated for a year before we got married. He has a beautiful 15 year old daughter from a previous marriage. She never viewed me as a stepmother but as en enemy. Maybe it’s because her mother sees me that way or maybe she feels that I’m trying to replace her mother. I have tried everything I could to make her feel welcome in our home. I love her like my own daughter. It hurts because she hates me and I don’t know why. I always make myself available for her to come to me when she needs me. I include her in every activity I do. I even offered to paint her room for her when her father told her that she’d have to wait . I am doing everything I can to make her feel welcomed around me. I want her to feel like she’s my family. Her mother doesn’t like me at all and that may be another factor in this. So today was a boiling point. So for context, my step daughter has anger issues. I have talked to her and her mother, about potentially getting her counseling The past few months her behavior has gotten worse than it was before. She would start with stealing from me, and destroying things in the house after her father tells her no to things, and when her father upsets her in the slightest, she’d break things. She’s broken our television, she’s thrown dishes and broke them, she has kicked doors and slammed doors off of . She’s broken glasses, and has punched holes in walls and kicked the doors down. She has been fighting at school. She has started these fights as well. She beat up a girl so bad she broke her nose and arm. She has fought teachers and security. We have been to juvenile court three times in the past year and a half. This scares me because I’m always worried of doing or saying the wrong thing. I am on eggshells here. I’m at a loss and don’t know what to do. I also have a toddler with my husband who is two years old. So earlier today I put my toddler down for a nap. My husband and his daughter got into an argument, she asked to stay the night at her boyfriend’s house and he told her no. I walked downstairs to see what was going on. And our dog crossed her path, she kicked him hard in his side and told him to move out of the way. I had gotten really angry in that moment because I had put up with a lot from her. Animal cruelty is just something no one should ever do no matter how angry they are. I called her mother and told her to come get her. I went upstairs to my stepdaughters room and grabbed her bags she brought over and put them downstairs beside the door. She yelled at me and threatened harm towards me. I told her that she is no longer welcome here since she hurt our dog. I told her that until she learns to control her anger she can’t be here. Her mother came and told me I was overreaching and called me a bunch of names. I told them both to leave. Now my stepdaughters mom and aunt are spamming me with hateful messages saying I had no right to ban her from our home. I’m at a loss. I’ve been nothing but loving and patient with her. I gave her chance after chance and defended her on so many occasions. I can’t handle this anymore. This stress is getting to me. I wish there was a way we could get her admitted to some facility to help her. Her mother refused all together and tells me I’m not her real mother and I have no rights to make any choices regarding her daughter. AITAH? submitted by /u/big_mama_25 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/unpopular_truth88 Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes People threw a party for my parents to celebrate my new baby and I wasn’t invited? + 3 Year Update Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability Trigger Warnings: threats of violence, mentions of domestic violence and abuse, mental health struggles, neglect Original Post: August 12, 2023 I (24f) am 9 months pregnant and due any day now and I just got news that a group of my parents friends threw a party for them to celebrate the upcoming birth of my first child (their first grandchild). My parents and I have a strained relationship as it is. Especially considering my sister (22f) and I were at their house 3 days ago and my sister threatened to kick my stomach in an attempt to injure my baby and they didn’t do ANYTHING about it. This is just one example of my parents being awful at actually raising their children and creating a safe environment in their home. I had planned to stay with my parents right after giving birth to get assistance from my mother (59f) but have recently SERIOUSLY questioned that decision as I just don’t know that we would be safe there if my sister and her dog (that has bitten me before) are there. I’ve informed my mother that I am unsure of this decision under the recent circumstances and she has done nothing but thrown attitude and imply that I’m overreacting because “my sister is her child too so I must understand that they won’t kick her out.” After this recent event I have limited/cut contact with my parents out of frustration and fear of my child’s safety but tonight my mother texted me a picture and showed a party that her friends threw for her and my father (59m) for becoming grandparents including gifts for them and nothing for my baby. AND I WASN’T EVEN INVITED! Am I wrong to feel like they’re stealing my thunder and enjoying undeserved attention especially given how they are terrible parents that refuse to create a safe and loving environment for my new child to be welcomed into? My husband (26m) and I are now considering staying with my in laws immediately after birth because at least we know our son will be safe and cared for there even though it will absolutely piss off my mother. My mother in law is also the one who threw me a baby shower and has taken more care of me throughout my pregnancy. I guess I’m wondering what does Reddit think I should do in this situation regarding my parents and where they think I should stay upon leaving the hospital where we can get some help as first time parents? Thanks in advance for the advice. Editor's note: OOP has made lots of comments, I am listing the top common questions and responses Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: Okay, the party is the least of your concerns, that doesn’t even register as anything next to: - someone in the household threatening to violently assault you and your unborn child - the owners of the household allowing and enabling a threat against a heavily pregnant woman living under their roof - the prospect of an aggressive animal that has already attacked you living in a household with a newborn - the knowledge that your parents are “awful at raising children” based on your own experience It sounds like you come from an incredibly toxic household, which may be why you’re still even considering living there and can’t recognize how much you’re under-reacting. Your view of normalcy and healthy family dynamics is incredibly skewed. That house is not safe, and you are about to have a newborn. Your child’s safety should always be the priority. Pissing off your mother has nothing to do with anything. Do not base decisions that directly affect your child’s well-being around other people’s feelings. Your most important job after that kid is born is to protect them. That’s it. Go live with the person that’s shown you support in this pregnancy, has treated you kindly and who will provide safety, love, and care for your child. OOP: Thank you for really putting that into perspective and reaffirming that the it’s ok to upset my mother in order to protect my baby Commenter 2: Yeah, screw your mom. Not sure why you're not no contact with her, she sounds awful. OOP: Believe it or not she’s the nice one in the family. Brothers currently in rehab, sister is borderline personality disorder who has threatened many times to hurt people, and dad was straight abusive growing up including leaving us duct taped in our rooms as punishment Commenter 3: Then why do you even keep in contact with them? I just don’t understand how continuing a relationship with your parents after how you were treated would be wise for your child. As a parent, you will come to understand very quickly what true love is, and I promise it will make it absolutely impossible to be around your parents. Because if you truly love your child how could someone do that to them? Or be married to someone that duct taped their mouths shut? OOP: Honestly I liked my mother and was hoping one day they would step up/ grow up and start treating me correctly but they’re doing what they’ve always done and enabling my siblings awful behavior and I’ve finally had enough + In regards to the duct tape my mom was working and genuinely didn’t know that he had done that. My father has been directly accused of doing this in front of my mother and she has apologized that she didn’t stop it but my father refused to acknowledge any wrongdoing on his part OOP on her sister's BPD OOP: It’s completely untreated and she refuses to take her meds. I don’t trust her around my baby in general as she’s always been overly aggressive and I won’t speak to her at all anymore unless she gets serious help Commenter 4: You need to cut these assholes out of your life and the life of your child. They don't get a do over baby. OOP: I feel like that’s exactly what they’re looking for. A do over. My mother already has tried to tell me what to do in regards to my son and setting up his nursery, several ideas being outdated and unsafe but when I argue she says she raised us and we all survived so he’ll be fine. Commenter 5: Cut these people out od your life. Family isnt blood. Family is who you trust and who you love and who loves and cherishes you. Surviving isn't what our parents should want for us. Happiness and thriving is. Pardon my harsh language but fuck them. They can get a new do over baby. OOP: Thank you for your honesty. And they might get a do over soon. My sister is unhinged and since she found out I’m pregnant has become jealous and said she’s now off birth control. Lord knows if she gets pregnant her bf isn’t sticking around and my parents will be depended on to help her. They can go fuck up her kid lol she will accomplish that either way as she doesn’t have a motherly bone in her body. Is OOP in therapy to deal with the unresolved issues she had with her family? OOP: I’m in therapy to deal with the shit they put me through growing up. I recognize this stuff now after almost a year of getting help. I guess I was just bothered that they’re getting any sort of attention or congratulations over a baby that isn’t theirs and that they aren’t willing to protect when it’s important. Like their poor actions don’t deserve being rewarded or celebrated considering the circumstances. That being said I should definitely be focused on giving birth and staying away from them rather than letting a party upset me. It just annoyed me they got gifts and a party while my baby got none from their friends considering how awful they are. Why are OOP and her husband staying at a different place rather than at home with the baby? OOP: Neither of us have experience with babies and there is a possibility of a c section which means I won’t be able to do a whole lot for like a week afterward. We also have a one bedroom apartment so someone staying in our place won’t work unless we want almost 60 year olds sleeping on a couch. We are also only planning on staying with someone for a really short time anyway. Please don’t be so negative when I’m just trying to ask for help. Commenter 6: OP, what made you even consider going to your parents, and not your husband’s parents, in the first place? OOP: 2 reasons. 1) my mother in law got sort of jealous/upset when we got married as I took her youngest baby away from her and there were some enmeshment issues with her and my husband that have since been dealt with. She used to speak poorly of me to my husband until he sat her down and told her off and that I was his wife and he had no intentions of distancing himself from me so she could either be nice or he would distance himself from her. Since then she’s tried at least to be supportive, especially since finding out about the pregnancy. And 2 I hate feeling like a burden so when my own mother offered help I thought it would be less stressful and I would be more comfortable with her than asking a woman who used to dislike me for assistance. My mother in law has really done a 180 regarding my relationship with her son and does seem so so excited about the baby so I’m definitely warming up to the idea of staying in a safe house where the baby at least will always be loved and looked after. Commenter 7: I think your mom threw herself the party and probably claimed it was an anniversary party to get the gifts. Bc how would she have that active of petty friends to come up with it so fast. OOP: Their anniversary isn’t for another month. Idk why her friends would do this I’ve never heard of a grandparent party before, but they have a sign and everything   Editor's note: adding a tangential prior post for more context to understand OOP's responses in the update Husband once again leaving me home with 1 year old to go out with friends: September 28, 2024 (13 months later from the original post) My husband’s brother 31m (we’ll call him Aaron for this story) is in town with his girlfriend 33f and he asked my hubby 27m (we’ll call him Greg) if he wanted to go to a comedy show in DC. Greg claims he thought it was just going to be him and his brother going and didn’t invite me along. At the time I figured fair enough it’s brother bonding time. Come to find out his brother is bringing his girlfriend of around 6 months and two other friends, and I was never offered a ticket. Not sure if that’s my husband’s fault or his brothers. Anyway now my Greg expects to leave me at home with our 1 year old so he can go out with a group of people to drink and see this show while I’m stuck at home alone with a toddler and 5 months pregnant. (Before anyone says anything no I wasn’t omitted because I’m pregnant, we had dinner out last night and everyone was drinking but me and it was fine) is this normal?!? I truly do not want him to go, or I want to be there. I don’t think it’s fair that I’m expected to watch our toddler while he goes out to have fun when I never get that opportunity. Greg went out to a concert last month with a different friend group and I once again was left at home with the baby while he got shit faced with his friends. I feel like I’m left to do all the parenting while he does whatever he wants. I don’t think I should have to miss out and if I don’t get to go then I don’t think he should get to either. Would I be the asshole if I don’t let him go? TLDR my husband goes out with his friends occasionally and leaves me at home with our child when I never get the chance to do that   Update: April 11, 2026 (2 years, 8 months later from the original post) Update for my parents had a “grandma shower” without me and the baby I wrote in probably three years ago, but a lot has happened since then. I was debating living with either my parents or my in laws. I was on the fence because I knew my mother would physically help me in any way with the baby without needing to be asked And because my mother in law and I had a rocky relationship at the start, but it has since recovered. One major aspect that pushed me to pick my in laws was that my younger sister threatened to kick me in the stomach when I was nine months pregnant with my son. Anyway here’s the update. WE ARE MOVING TO LONDON! I have officially cut ties with my parents in every way and here’s the backstory that led to it all. I moved in with my in laws and my beautiful baby boy arrived safely. I did continue to visit my parents for a while with the baby but after they lied to me about my sister being busy and not coming to join us (she showed up anyway) I withdrew and would only see my parents if they came to me without my sister. I think my sister has met my son once MAYBE twice and both times it was a forced interaction. When my mother told my sister I was pregnant with my daughter (without my permission) she interrupted a FaceTime between my mother and I, and demanded to know why I didn’t tell her. I lied about keeping it quiet because I wasn’t 12 weeks along yet and just avoided talking to her. A few months later I pocket dialed her and she didn’t answer. She then called me like 15 times and asked me about if I had gone into labor and if I needed her. I told her no and that she wouldn’t be coming to the hospital when it happened anyway. She cursed at me told me I was a bad mother and that I should give my daughter up for adoption before I ruin her. That’s when I cut all contact and blocked her number and all social media and I haven’t seen her in two years. My parents continued to push me to have a relationship with her and my drug addict brother but never succeeded. My brother also moved back into my parents’ house after his stint in rehab and brought his new girlfriend with him. This girl has done crazy things like physically fight my mother (who is in her 60s) and chase my brother around with a knife so safe to say I’m glad I never bring my babies there. But I was still getting phone calls from both my parents venting about the situation and asking to see the kids. That all being said I have officially gone no contact with my entire family. They threatened to drop me from their will, they cut my phone service, and took my car off their insurance and demanded I sell it since my dad was a co-signer. I agreed to it and haven’t spoken to them in over 6 months I am officially moving to London with my husband and our two beautiful children at the end of July and I couldn’t be happier. My in laws have been a huge help and my marriage is the healthiest it’s ever been. My life has done a full 180 and I feel more at peace without hearing horror stories from my parents or being pressured about the kids or being dragged into fights. We are spending the next few months packing up and planning some goodbye trips to our favorite places here before we go and I’m so excited for a fresh start. I want to thank everyone for their previous advice, even those who spoke unkindly to give me the wake up call I needed. My kids are safe and happy and healthy, and our lives are moving forward without the negativity and it’s been amazing. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Congratulations op! Don't stress flying with your babies I did it with 3 babies under 3. The youngest 2 had binkies that helped with stability with the pressure change and they slept through most of it. Giving them something to suck or chew on helps a lot with the air pressure changes. You got this! OOP: Thank you for the helpful advice! Neither of my kids take pacifiers but I can feed my one year old and I’m sure I can give my two year old something to eat or chew as well. I’ll definitely keep this in mind as we are traveling. Thanks again for the helpful advice and kind words Commenter 2: This is a great update! I am so excited for you taking this overseas journey. It sounds amazing. Best of luck. OOP: Thank you! I’m excited too! It’ll be great to start fresh in a new environment my only concerns are an 8 hour flight with a 1 and 2 year old and the sleep adjustment 😂   Editor’s note: in the update post, OOP left several comments that are related to the previous post regarding the situation with her husband. Listing them here for more context Commenter 3: In one of your older posts, you wrote about your husband leaving you at home alone with your child while you were pregnant often. That he would come home extremely drunk, not invite you out, and you didn’t trust him to take care of your children alone for an extended period of time. Since you are moving to London, and will be isolated without the support of your MIL and other family members, I hope this equation improved and that you were able to move past it. Please keep focused on open communication and best of luck with your move and the rest of your life! OOP: It was always expected I stay home with my son because I was pregnant so it’s not like I could drink or would want to be out late anyway. I think my husband believed that because he wasn’t carrying the baby and because I was just always watching our son that his life didn’t have to change much after the baby But after I had my daughter my husband got 8 weeks of paternity leave and he had to take care of my son the same way I do every day and all of a sudden it’s like a switch flipped and he got way more invested with our son and continues to be like that even after returning to work. He stopped viewing our son as an obligation he had to care of and started just enjoying being around him and it’s made a world of difference. I even went to my friends graduation party and was gone all evening, and he got the kids bathed fed and put to bed at a decent time and even had leftover dinner plated for me. He has definitely matured and changed his mind set about me and the kids and everything’s going really really well Commenter 4: Has your husband stepped up helping with the children? OOP: Thankfully he really really has. Commenter 5: Oh he cares when it's a son? But not a daughter? Does he help with both now? OOP: I had my son first honestly I think what changed things was him getting to know his son instead of seeing him for an hour or two before or after work. I also think he’s just not fond of the beginning stages where they can’t sit or crawl or talk or play with you. He’s been better about my daughter he’s been more invested in helping than when my son was a baby but for those first few months he seems to struggle, without being able to actually connect with them I think he has a hard time bonding. He’s amazing with our son now and he’s more helpful with my daughter so he’s definitely turned a corner for the better   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I (35m) don’t have insurance so I don’t go to the doctor or the hospital unless I need to be there. I was feeling a little off so I ended up checking my blood pressure and it was like 180/108. Next day I felt a tad bit worse so I went to the emergency room knowing it was a little high and they told me I should’ve gone to treat it years ago. The thing is I’ve always felt fine I hardly ever feel sick and the high blood pressure never made me feel bad until just recently. Now I gotta check it everyday and take a pill unfortunately. Don’t know for how long maybe for the rest of my life. Edit: This was a month ago, I’m good now thankfully, taking the proper medication 🙏🙏 Edit Edit: Sorry I didn’t expect this to blow up like I almost did lol I’m 6 ft 225lbs, married, I have a 15yr old, 7yr old and a 2 yr old. I don’t think it’s a genetic thing, my parents don’t have high BP my 62yr old dad took his like a month ago along with me and his was literally 120/80. Anyways, I wasn’t being very active at all, I never really had any headaches, no symptoms, only thing I felt the day I went in was some anxiety, slight pressure on my chest, shortness of breath and a tingling sensation on my fingertips. I drank a lot of monster in my teenage years. Smoked a lot before about a pack a day then half a pack and I was down to about 2 smokes a day while on the pouches. I maybe had 2-4 beers every other day at most during the week but I did binge drink on the weekend. When I went to the hospital they were pretty surprised that I didn’t roll in in a wheelchair, they took blood and nothing was out of the ordinary, gave me a pill and took me to a room until my BP was back down then they let me go. Since then I’ve cut back on beer, completely quit using nicotine pouches, only smoke cigs socially and I’m going on long speed walks at the park while pushing my toddler on his stroller. I do drink a ton of water everyday I always have (probably because I live in a desert), not sure if it matters. I’m now averaging 140s/70 & 58 avg BPM while on medication after a month, they had me on metoprolol 25mg but I got tinnitus while on that so they just switched me to lisinopril 20mg and I’m checking my BP on the daily. I will keep a lookout for the dry cough, Feel much better now thank you to everyone with the kind words glad I’m still here for my family ❤️ submitted by /u/Least-Notice7832 to r/Wellthatsucks [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/marblebulldog How can I find out who is leaving creepy/threatning notes at my child's grave? Originally posted to r/RBI TRIGGER WARNING: Loss of a child, stalking, harassment, vanadlism, animal abuse, obsessive behavior and threats MOOD SPOILER: Unsettling, scary and creepy Original Post July 17, 2016 I’m writing this post both to vent but also to see if anyone got advice on how to handle the situation. I’m located in Scandinavia, with rather strict laws concerning surveillance cameras, otherwise I would have gone down that path long ago. The situation: My wife and I lost our child to cancer 1.5 years ago, our child was then a toddler. This of course left us devastated and our way back from the darkness wasn’t easy. But we gave our daughter a very beautiful grave, and visiting it daily helped us through the grief. But then we started getting notes. Written on computer, not handwritten. Nasty notes about us (mainly me though), sometimes threats and also expressing hopes that the child my wife if now expecting also dies. Someone broke the wings of the angel on the gravestone, destroyed the flowers etc. I have no idea who this is, I have no my knowledge no enemies and neither does my wife. How can I find out who it is, without breaking the law (setting up a camera)? I sometimes get a feeling that perhaps it is someone closer to me than I realize. The reason is that when this first started, the notes always appeared in connection to us letting people know that we had been visiting the grave. If I went there on Monday, and for example told on facebook that I had visited the grave and planted some beautiful flowers, then a note would be there the following day. It felt like a pattern but could have been coincidental. This is driving us insane. My wife, pregnant and sensitive as it is, can’t visit the final resting place of our first child without fear and anger. I too get very upset of course, but more infuriated. I want to know who is doing this - all advice is very much appreciated, maybe one of you can think of something we’ve missed. UPDATE: some asked us to do a list of "suspects". We tried really hard to think of anything that could be an issue, this is what we came up with: L : on my previous workplace L was a co worker who claimed that I got promoted because I had a kid on the way, and was pissed about that. But that was years ago. B: Before I met my wife I dated B, and we had a good relationship. I saw no crazy in her. But, she wanted a childfree life and I love children, so we parted and it was a mutual decision. She also moved to another town. But since you guys asked me to list ex’s I’ll do that. E: my wife’s ex – she dumped him for me, but he is now married so he should have gotten over that. V: when we installed our new kitchen we hired a polish guy to do some of the work. Sadly language barriers made it hard and we ended up having lots of problems. In the end I had to let him go and find someone else to do the job. He was angry, but surely that’s not a reason to stalk us now. C: C is not on my facebook actually but I’ll list her anyway because she is a weirdo. She lived next door to us before we moved, and she had this very very, sick dog. So sick that it cried when it tried to walk, it was skin and bones and misery on four legs. Someitmes it fell down and couldn’t get back up. My wife reported that, and we never saw the dog again. C was a strange person. Not mean or nasty to people, but odd. Nurse A; a nurse at the hospital that treated our daughter, also not on FB. We made a complaint about her after finding out that she didn’t give our child the pain meds on the right times, but waited too long to administer them. We weren’t rude, we didn’t shout or anything, we just wanted the best care for our kid. Also, when our child wished to go to a kennel and play with puppies, we did that, but Nurse A said we shouldn’t because of our child’s state. We went anyway and she was pissed for the rest of that weekend. That is all we can think of. UPDATE 2 This is a translation of the latest letter (12 of july) I have translated it with grammar/spelling mistakes /sentence structure and all. “you should be glad that A (insert our child name) died, so she won’t grow up with you both and live with you…it is better and I wish the new baby don’t live too I hope (insert my wife’s name) falls on the stairs and the ugly baby dies and it would be better... Company for little (insert lost daughter’s name)…maybe she eats something with razor blades and cut her belly open… I don’t think that the child under the dirt here was a good person either I think it was a bad person and she died because it was good that she died… I applauded it when the people that are bad die and I have advice: 9mm and your pain stop! Easy, easy I am not evil I am normal and I do this because I like it and I don’t like you and I smile when I think that you are hating this HOW DO YOU LIKE MY ARRANGEMENTS ON THE GRAVE? I like it much better this way. Don’t be so negative!" UPDATE 3 I haven’t had much free time today, chaos at work, but I translated one of the letters previously found at the grave (5th of may). I translated this one because it was one of the worse. "do you think little (insert daughters name) is done and all rotten now? does the naked bones shine pale in the dark I think about it sometimes I hope you think sometimes about it at least she wont be grown up and like you both in the future there is no future only the end and that is better… new baby will also be sick and die and rot next to its skeleton sister and they will be dead together and I will wait for it it sings inside my soul when bad are suffering and I feel triumpf and happiness when it happen and it is the best way wishing the worst for both of you, soon it is coming…" Do you guys think this is a male or a female writer? How can one tell? RELEVANT COMMENTS [deleted] Have you contacted the authorities? What have they said about it? Also you could post that you went on Facebook and visit the next couple of days to see if someone shows up. This person seems unstable so be careful. OOP Yes, my wife arrived at the police station with a beheaded teddy bear that had been found on the grave, crying. Police informed that "we got real crime to handle". ~ [deleted] Are there any detectable patterns like a day of the week that it happens or a certain amount of days after you post on facebook? This might help narrow down the stake out option. Do you think it was at night or is there no way to tell? Are your posts private on facebook or can anyone see them. Check your privacy settings to see if maybe people who aren't your friends can see them. I can't remember how it works though. Are there any people working nearby that could help you and alert you to anything unusual? Caretakers at the cemetery or nearby businesses that have night shifts. Could you ask to have the plot moved to a more secure or remote area. It might give you some peace. Can you look at the facebook history of the suspects and see if there are any recognizable speech patterns or phrases. It's not definitive but it might help you narrow your focus. Sometimes people are active in facebook groups, local ones are popular and you will see them as a member. Their comments won't shw up in their feed but you can see what they talk about from browsing the group. OOP No absolute pattern, but I find that the letters are often there 1-2 days after we have done something nice, planting flowers etc. But that's not the only times it happens. My facebook is set on friends only. There are mostly villas and a bakery close to the cemetary, but the cemetary got a brick wall around it (cant see above it from a car, but an adult can climb over it). I plan to go through the "suspects" posts on facebook and look for the same choice of words and spelling mistakes - that might actually be a effective way to narrow it down. Thanks for your input! Update Sept 3, 2016 (nearly 2 months later) Hi all, It’s been a while since I updated, and that’s because not much has happened. Anyway, it’s time for an update, since many of you have asked and I finally got something to report. On the 27th of august we had decided to visit the grave together (my wife rarely goes there in fear of what she might find) and as we are on our way to the place where you can barrow a vase for the flowers and fill in water and such, I spot a familiar face. It was C. our ex-neighbour with the suffering dog (see previous post for more info). Of couse she might have a grave there to visit too, even if she doesn’t live in the same town as us anymore. She must have arrived shortly after us and came walking in our direction, but slightly from the side. She was very sun tanned as if she had just returned from a vacation and the moment she caught me looking at her she turned around and walked out. I followed her, intending to talk to her, see if she seemed rational or if she showed any sign of guilt. But she was gone when I reached the parking lot. This is no proof, I’m aware. I scanned the entire graveyard for a stone with her family name on it and found nothing. Our child’s grave was not touched this time. This week I’ve been in contact with the office that can forbid people to keep pets if they have shown cruelty to animals in the past. Turns out that she had one of those issued to her, dated shortly after my wife reported the state of her dog and it was put down. She had been warned before, but it was the dog thing that closed the deal as I understand it. Motive enough or am I being paranoid here? It’s tricky – she COULD have a valid reason to be there, and walk out when she saw us because she dislikes us, but it could also be more sinister. FINAL COMMENTS [deleted] I have read your posts. My condolences to your family. This person is obviously very sick. When I read that letter, my blood caught on fire. I want to do anything to help you. You have to gather evidence on this person. My biggest fear for you is not finding who this person is, but once they are found out they will not stop and there is nothing your police can do to stop it because of the lack of evidence. Please take detailed notes on what has been happening the day you find the grave vandalized. Take photos of the damage. Also, figuring out when this vandal attacks could lead you closer to the suspect. Do they do this at night? What about the day? Has the Facebook idea you originally suspected been proven wrong? Are you absolutely sure your Facebook is private to everyone? Do you know everyone personally on your Facebook or could they be under a false account? What about holidays? Someone who vandals on a holiday likely doesn't have children. Someone who attacks in the middle of the week likely doesn't have a job that is all-day long. Obviously the neighbor has the most personal motive. The person who does these things likely has more time than the average person. They either don't have children or they don't have a good relationship with their family. Since a surveillance camera is out of the question, I would put a tape recorder in the ground and check daily. Even if you can't see the person, you can hear them. This will likely help you figure out if this person is working alone or at least what time they visit to better catch them or collect better evidence. Also, you can make your own trip-alarm system. here is how you make it. These directions give you a way to actually have the system call a phone once the alarm is activated. If you're not that technical maybe a friend could help you, or this kind of system could maybe be bought (I couldn't find any though). You could possibly have it hidden between flowers or decorations too-beautiful for the vandal not to destroy. I would indeed get in touch with the people who are in charge of the grave yard as well. Document all of these requests and attempts as they can prove that you have taken action in the past. OOP Sept 14, 2016 (11 days later) Thanks,very helpful with the trip-alarm system. Since we spotted C while visiting the grave nothing new has happened, but we still think about it all the time, it's always on our minds - who is doing this, and is it really over? We also worry if the arrival of our new baby might trigger a new respons. We make no baby posts on FB or other social media, and we notice who we start to think twice before telling people any information and my wife refuses to visit the grave on her own. It's a really upsetting situation but we're very grateful for the support. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I manually filled out this table with what I spend my time with between 2024. Nov. 10. and 2025. Dec. 31. I saw others do it on here on Reddit and wanted to give it a go myself. One of the reasons I did it was because this was my last year of being a university student, from this year onward I will join the working adult population. Until now, my lifestyle could be described as 'terminally online', I'm the typical cellar dwelling discord moderator type. I wanted to erect this spreadsheet as a memorial and perhaps a period-document to this lifestyle that I now have to part ways with. I am only posting it now, a month after the project has ended, because I was busy in January with my final exam. The diagrams on the third panel only include data from days in 2025. I gladly answer any question in the comments but I'm adding a FAQ here based on a previous post: How much time did it take to make this? - It took around 3-4 hours to set up the spreadsheet with the functions and colours and stuff, I made minor edits later, which took probably an additional 2-3 hours. On a daily basis, entering the actual data took less than 2 minutes in total. To get it in tip-top shape for posting in the end, it took another 8 hours. Working on this project is classified under category Ga (personal projects). How often did I enter data? - When I was near my computer, I sometimes entered them every 30 minutes, but more often in small bunches. When I wasn't near my computer, which for me is quite rare, I just remembered everything I did until I could enter it again. Was this difficult to do? - Not really, the difficult part is constantly being aware of the time and what I am doing and remembering it for hours. The habit itself is easy to pick up but comes with a non-zero constant mental weight. Near the end of it, I grew quite tired of it and wished I could 'take a day off' here and there, so I'm glad it's finally over. I might do it again another year in the future. Am I autistic, neurodivergent, or otherwise mentally ill? - Maybe, possibly, not diagnosed though. I am actually doing fine now. Where do I live? - A village in rural Hungary. What did I learn from this, would I do something differently? - I expected the result to be bleaker, I'm actually not doing that bad. I will make changes going forward obviously, and this is largely because I have no choice to do otherwise. I will have a job now (hopefully) and it will govern most of my routine, I will have to do with as much free time as I have left, which I hope to spend with the things that bring me the most joy. Is a template for this available for people who want to try doing this too? - Yes, I've made a blank template that I'll send to anyone who asks for it in private messages. submitted by /u/tamarissz to r/dataisbeautiful [link] [comments]

At around 6am, ICE Knocked on my door. My wife answered and they said that they needed to come in because they were chasing a fugitive. My wife asked for the name of the fugitive and the name of the judge that signed the warrant. They said that they didn't need one when they were pursuing a fugitive. She said that's bullshit and that she wasn't letting them in. Luckily, my wife has a very forceful "mom voice" and they must have known not to mess with her so they left. I have no idea if they will be back. We are a family of 6 with a toddler. All white. All citizens. We've live at this house for 4 years. If they can come to our door, they can come to yours. I think they're coming around early in the morning to avoid making a scene and activating the community. Don't let them come in quietly. Don't open the door unless you see a warrant signed by a judge. Don't be scared. Come out if you see them at your neighbor's house. Edit: I don't actually think that my wife scolded them so hard that they left. I think that they saw that she was white and had no accent which implied that she isn't an immigrant, so they realized that they would be wasting their time at our house and left on their own. Update: Royal Oak PD said that this is the 8th similar incident this week and they don't know if it is ICE or not. Stay safe neighbors. Update to include some resources from the comments for visibility: Report ICE sightings on https://iceout.org/en/ https://www.ilcm.org/immigration-resources/know-your-rights/ https://monarcamn.org/resources https://www.miracmn.com/know-your-rights https://action.cair.com/a/2026-state-and-local-toolkit?sourceid=&emci=f5568db3-21f3-f011-8d4c-000d3a54b560&emdi=d543908c-30f3-f011-8d4c-000d3a54b560&ceid=332563 submitted by /u/Silly-Risk to r/royaloak [link] [comments]

That’s it. This is my life now. The world is Chaos (look around) so I’m more emotional right now and I feel like everything makes me cry. Anyway. My toddler (one and a half) has been sick since Monday. She’s had some fluids, but this morning started refusing them and food. She’s got some stuff she sees specialists for - lasting impacts from being born early - and this was just really scary for me. With her refusing to eat, her pediatrician said if she didn’t eat by tomorrow morning she would send us to the local children’s hospital (where she was in the nicu) to be admitted for monitoring. I just got woken up by the faintest “mama” and a tap on my shoulder. Open my eyes and see my sweet girly, I go to pick her up thinking she had a bad dream or something but she pushes me off and says “no mama nack” that woke me right up! I was so excited she was asking for food. We’ve now had two microwave cups of mashed potatoes (ped says carbs and couch time right now) and she’s asking for another “nack”. It’s probably so dumb but I’m just so relieved she’s eating. 😭 submitted by /u/PrincessKirstyn to r/Mommit [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/themachucajr My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship” Originally posted to r/Marriage BoRU 1 BoRU 2 TRIGGER WARNING: possible controlling behavior Original Post May 7, 2024 My wife (35f) and I (35m) have been married for 15 years and we've been together for 20 years. We have two kids (12,14) we absolutely adore and work tirelessly to provide the best possible life for them. For the past 3 years, things have been somewhat bumpy. I understand that our kids are at an age where they require a ton of our attention and resources with school, band, club sports, and other extracurriculars and I'm aware of the physical and emotional toll that can have on marriages. However, for these past 3 years, my wife and I have had very little intimacy and very little sex and we've been trying very hard to work on that aspect of our relationship. This past year has been the most difficult and by far the darkest year in our marriage. We didn’t talk very much, we essentially became roommates coparenting our kids under the same roof. It was very depressing and very demoralizing. It was to the point where we began contemplating divorce and it became very dark and gloomy in the household because of that. We began seeking help with both individualized therapy and couples therapy and it seems to have helped some. Little by little we started to get along and started to have deeper conversations about what our marriage looks like and what we would love for it to look like. This is where it gets tough. As time passed, my wife started to tell me she no longer was "in love with me" and that she only saw me as a "best friend." That she only loved me in a very platonic way, and this was one of the main reasons she didn’t have any desire for intimacy and let alone sex. This was very shocking to me and quite frankly, I was devastated. I because angry and depressed and I couldn't fathom the thought that I was no longer wanted or desired by the person I felt completely in love with. Things began to deteriorate again and not long after, we were back to square one. I sat down with her one afternoon and had a heart to heart and began to ask questions about where the root of this problem lies, and her answer was "I don't know" and that "I have built up resentment towards you but I don't know where it stems from." As you can imagine, this provides very little to no insight into how to approach this. I'm puzzled, I'm frustrated and I do not know what to do at this point. Currently, we've arrived at a place where she says that she has no sex drive and no desire for intimacy or connection. She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic. I asked her what I could possibly do or what is it about me that is so unattractive or undesirable and she her response is always "I don't know." She stated that she does "love" me but its not the same. That she has been feeling disconnected for years and that our marriage just takes up too much work. Her focus is only the children for now and that my coparenting contributions are "meaningful" to her in our home. I'm at a loss and I'm mainly venting about my frustration. It's tough to realize that the person you love has no feelings for you. I feel like at this point I'm only here to contribute financially and as a parent. I feel like what she means with "companionship" is that she's comfortable with the convenience of having a good father for our kids and my financial contribution to the household. In regard to intimacy and/or sex, she basically told me that its not something she’s interested in or wants at this time. She mentioned that the only way to get to a point for any of that is to be intoxicated which o believe is incredibly awful and very wrong. I told her I do not think forcing herself to have sex or be intimate by drinking or smoking is good and I declined to be a part of that which to my surprise, it upset her and made her more distant. We're both extremely honest and transparent. We've never cheated on each other and we are always free to look through each others phones, emails, socials, etc. and we hardly ever do. I asked her if there was someone else and she declined. Honestly, I believe her. We then peacefully went through each other’s things and as expected, it was clean. We've always been very forward, even with the hard topics so I don't smell nor feel any foul play or infidelity. Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated? (I'm firm on my stance of not partaking in this "only when I'm high or drunk" sex because it doesn’t sit well with me.) I do not know how to help our situation and I'm starting to become a bit anxious and desperate. We're both fairly young and healthy individuals and good looking. We both have good standing careers and are good parents. I'm just not sure how our lives could have driven us to this point. I'd love some outside perspective on this matter and some insight on how to address something like this. It feels so awful to be unwanted and undesired by my own spouse. I hate it. tl;dr: My wife of 15+ years is no longer in love with me and doesn’t know way and now says she can only have sex while intoxicated or I need to settle for a platonic sexless marriage and she doesn’t know why that is but it is what it is and I'm in need of insight or advice. RELEVANT COMMENTS/MISSING REASONS Commenters looked at his history and found they were swingers We did some swinging in the past. That was fun for some time. We mutually decided to stop doing it and we have established it’s not the case. When we were swinging however, our marriage seemed to be in a good place. This IS something we did disclose with our couple therapist and made sure to include it to make sure we’re not neglecting an obvious potential issue. I will say, I did ask my wife if what she experienced during swinging is something that is affecting her view on our relationship and she said it wasn’t. Our swinging experience was always together and it was very sex driven. Nothing really emotional or “poly”. Truth is, I have to believe her at her word. I have no reason to distrust her. To date, she’s always been very forward and never afraid of dealing things head on. No matter how painful. If this is a consequence of swinging This issue existed long before the lifestyle. & I agree that swinging wasn’t a solution in the end. Never was meant to be, it was more of discovering or exploring if she felt any different. If that was the case, we agreed we would talk about and if we arrive at the conclusion that “myself” is the problem and she has no problem with other men, we would amicably part ways. However this wasn’t the case. She didn’t like sex nor intimacy there either. She was very much in control of that whole swinging situation. And yes, I went along with it. What gives? It felt very organic and it was her “effort” if you will, to discovering more and learning more about our current issue. I saw it as a means of learning if I’m the problem and was very much ready to accept that. It turns out it wasn’t the case. Six years of miser sound awful. I would very much hate that. OOP on if the this started when the swinging ended Finally a comment on the swinging topic with actual insight. You’re absolutely right about the fact that the swinging experience had things/changes that will impact our marriage and lives forever. For example, the best thing swinging taught us (even above sexual exploration) was the level of transparent and open communication it requires. We would literally have mental orgasms having dialog with such intentionality. We implemented that in ALL our lives and areas including parenting with our children. She even agrees that we’re thankful for that takeaway from our swinging. Honestly, I cannot stress it enough with people here. Yes, we explored swinging, however it was actually a positive experience. When we decided to stop, it was because it felt natural and organic to just do so. In fact, we met with that couple who we mesh super well with the night before. We actually enjoyed the actual friendship and even spent time as vanilla friends. So it wasn’t because of something negative. Wife mentioned that it certainly wasn’t any better and since she’s not enjoying the sex we both agreed there’s no point to this. I agreed and we moved on and we’re still friends with those people because it’s great. All that said I know, more often than not, swinging causes massive issues. However, this was something we explored in pursuit of a solution to an issue that was present way before. I think of it as taking a “practical” approach to trying to solve the problem. Update May 15, 2024 I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation. One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives. We experience sever poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids. I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships. For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree. At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually. Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post). I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page. I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging. I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship. I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome. Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional. Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it." She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues. We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself. I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course. We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less." This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own. I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen. I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign. Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better. Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best. TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples. RELEVANT COMMENTS CatsGambit So, I'm going to assume that your wife has a lucrative job and you are both going 50/50 on childcare, as you both work and share children. Because otherwise, this approach is just plain financially abusive (and if you're planning on saying "I won't pay the bills unless you have sex with me", sexually abusive as well). Assuming that is the case and you aren't a total POS, I'm actually interested in how this works out for you. I feel like I'm in an unstated, similar situation- we both work and have blended finances, but we don't go to bed together or eat together, have barely any intimacy (a kiss or two, hugs every couple days), and spend.... maybe 8 hours a week together, just the three of us (him, me, and the toddler). Even less just the two of us- maybe 3 hours a week? Otherwise, he is on his game, or out playing sports, watching youtube, or whatever else he does. It barely feels like a friends situation, let alone a marriage. I'm curious how she handles it, as the spouse that presumably was pulling away first- I hope you keep us updated. OOP Yes we both have degrees, good careers and while I make significantly more money, her salary is very proficient and above average. The 50/50 was not to cripple nor hurt her financially (that is cruel) but mostly to send a message on what a “roommate” dynamic looks like in the real world. I really dislike how people immediately jump to conclusions about the finances as a way of manipulating her. It’s not the case at all. Plenty of money left over after bills. However 50/50 means she has less “whatever” money AND the understanding that roommates share everything equally. Prior to this 180 approach, we did everything together and with our kids. We always saw ourselves as a “unit” that do things together. Both alone and with the kids too. That’s changed now where I’m choosing to focus on more independent type of pastimes and focus. That is what has sparked her reaction and realization of “there’s more” than just roommates here. When asked what if she leaves for another man Interesting. She has no shortage of men hitting on her and we’re by no means jealous people. So I’ve witnessed this multiple times and her reactions are somewhat indifferent. I will say, if another man for her was the answer, she’d tell me or she’d have some inkling maybe? There’s no telling but I think the problem is deeper than superficial attention from a different person. Update 2 July 19, 2024 I debated for a long time on whether to submit an update on this matter. A few significant changes have taken place and I felt it would be good to not only share with you, but also to allow myself to process all of this in a uniform way. We're now almost 9 weeks in on the 180 method I mentioned I was starting and it started to render some positive reactions from my wife. I explained in the previous posts that she started to notice things that she previously took for granted, started to ask more about my whereabouts and also started to notice I would go out with the kids more often without her and she started to invite herself to which I didn't decline. So much has changed and it has changed for what seems to be for the better. This past Memorial Day weekend, my wife asked me if I wanted to go out for coffee because she wanted to talk to me about something. This was HUGE, because I can't recall when the last time my wife asked to "talk" to me about something important. I must admit, I was very nervous and worried about what this could be about and my mind was racing with the plethora of scenarios of what it could possibly be. Of course I agreed and we took some time away from the kids to have this conversation at a local coffee shop. The talk was very constructive in nature. There was a ton of insightful information about herself that helped me further understand where she is in life both emotionally and mentally. We summarized what the core issues we are encountering are and she asked me for help! This is NEW, and I cannot tell you how excited I was hearing something so sincere coming from my wife who for the last 2+ years has been absent. So, after she was through sharing all her thoughts, I proposed a plan that I felt was right for us. This is something that I had been thinking about these last few weeks and I was planning on bringing this up in a few months if I noticed that things were not changing for the better. This "date" felt like the right place to share it since it goes hand in hand with what she talked about, and it also relates to the help she was asking me for. I started by first acknowledging her feelings and her concerns. I told her they are valid and how she feels is personal to her and that I care that she feels this way because I don't like the thought of her being sad or depressed. I also told her that my goal still is and will always be for us to reconcile and be the "happily ever after" we vowed to be for each other and that my love for her is as strong, if not stronger, as it was the day we said "I Do." I continued the conversation by telling her how I felt about the whole situation (read my previous posts for details) and how it affects me every day. I also clarified some things that she mentioned she was feeling because how I have been very distant and monotone (transactional) lately. I explained to her that I was very much trying to protect my feelings and emotions from the rejection and neglect and that it wasn't personal, it was simply me safeguarding myself because I cannot control her, I can only control myself. This was a perfect segue way to the core of this approach which is focused on self accountability. I told her that for the longest time I was always working hard to make her happy and do things that I knew she enjoyed or wanted. However, I was always met with rejection and disappointment which caused a load of stress on me. I explained to her that I had to make a change for myself. Afterall, I can only control myself and make the changes that I want for myself. I mentioned how I was starting to implement new habits and routines that help edify me all while still executing all of our shared responsibilities including parenting, finances, and daily living activities. I explained that the goal is to continue to improve myself both as a husband and father, learn more, and be healthier (among other things). She was very receptive to this. She told me that she sees what I'm doing and that she is proud of the changes she has seen. She also told me how she's starting to realize that she feels left behind and that much of the things that have affected her negatively are her own fault. Toward the end of the conversation which was about 3 hours, there was a very high spirit of reconciliation in the room. I told her that my goal is to ultimately make this work, however I was very clear that I was not going to live under the current circumstances. I told her that my heart wants her to be happy even if it means elsewhere and that I also deserve to be happy myself. I also explained that I do not want our children to grow up thinking this was ok or normal because they deserve better as well. She told me she doesn't either, she told me she doesn't know what to do to which I replied, "lets set some clear goals however, the goals will be for ourselves, NOT for each other." So, here is what we established: ​ We are in charge of our own happiness: the key here is that she's not responsible for making me happy, and vice versa. We both need to seek what that personal plan looks like individually. Also, we're both encouraged to include each other in taking those steps if we want, but it is not required. ​ We are in control of our own individual lives and our own journey: this means we're both responsible in finding the resources necessary to grow, change and heal. We can definitely help one another when help is requested, however, unsolicited advice or help will not be rendered. ​ We are responsible for communicating: this ensures nothing is left unsaid. If it was never brought up or discussed, it never happened. We're not mind readers and we need to take ownership when we fail to communicate. ​ Make a list of needs and wants: this gives us both clear direction about meeting each others needs. This also gives us a CHOICE as to what we want/choose to do, compromise on, or decline to do. This list also will not serve as a checklist for accountability! We made it clear we would NOT be bringing this list up for the purpose of arguing, and it was up to the other person to use the list as a tool for growth, transparency or clarification. We concluded that it was up to us to decide if we will be happy doing these things for OURSELVES because we care, not to simply check a box. This was very important in order to establish long term habits and not short term band aids because you cannot "make" someone change or do something they don't believe is important. ​ Established a deadline (Memorial Day 2025) At the end of the conversation we concluded by setting Memorial Day 2025 as a hard stop to evaluate our lives and our progress. We agreed we would do this with the clear understanding that we will independently decide if we are happy here. If we determined we arent happy, we will be getting a divorce. We would also both assume full responsibility for what happened should we get divorced. For example, if needs were not met, it would mean "my partner chose not to meet them." This places full responsibility on each other in all areas. The whole process requires that if "needs were not met," the next question should be, "did we do everything to address this issue?" If yes, then we will have a clear conscious of what transpired and know we left no stone unturned. IF, however, we "didn't do everything to address the issue," it will mean "the issue was not important enough for you or didn't care to meet those needs." (this goes both ways in all areas, like everything else.) We established that the main motivator for change should be ourselves and that if we did that, we would in turn begin to see beneficial changes towards each other. The goal is to ensure that everything we are doing for one another to meet each others needs is being done because "we WANT to do it for our spouse, not because he/she asked. Isntead, it was done because I know it makes him/her happy and I love seeing them happy." I felt it was important to mention to her that we are no longer "required" to do anything for each other. It is now more of a "I want" to do these things for each other. Ultimately, I felt the conversation was very positive and productive. Many tears were shed and lots of hugging ensued. I know this doesn't mean or guarantee anything, however, this has never happened before and I can honestly attribute it to the 180 method (I cannot give anymore insight on this method other than its the only thing I did different and something new happened for what seems to be better). I've decided I will conclude and will refrain from this method moving forward as the plan now has changed. I'm planning to devote myself entirely to not only myself and my growth but to also work on her needs and wants because I WANT her to be happy by my side. She said and agreed she would do the same for herself. We agreed we would help and build each other wherever we request for it and that we will be approaching this as a team. As of today, some of the biggest changes I have noticed are her commitment to therapy and mental health. She is taking some antidepressants that are helping her. She is also more confident and in a far better mood more frequently. We have started to explore more ways of intimacy in multiple areas such as physical touch and words of affirmation. Sex is starting to make an appearance which is exciting (side note: sex was very very awkward to start when you've ben abstinent for so long). We've also started to workout together whcih is great and have lost weight which is also very exciting. Overall, communication has improved, and I cannot wait to see where this leads. I hope this helps someone out there. I'm still very much interested in your feedback and thoughts on this. You all have been a huge help in giving me hope and insight into this tough journey. Trolls aside, many of you have really been instrumental in my journey both emotionally and mentally. I will not be providing any more updates until Memorial Day next year. I think its now time to keep focusing on myself and start working on all the new opportunities that hopefully will arise with my wife. I wish you all the best in life and your relationships with those you love. TL;DR: Our marriage took a turn for the better after the 180 method and we're now working on ourselves, each other and rekindling our marriage. We also set a deadline for next year to either remain together or get divorced. NEW UPDATE The Final Chapter & a New Beginning Nov 29, 2025 I realize this final post is far later than I anticipated, and I truly apologize for that. But such is life, and honestly, the timing now feels right. So much has transpired since my last post that it’s hard to capture it all in words, but I’ll do my best to be thorough and as succinct as possible. I know this is my final post on the matter, and I want to offer genuine insight and meaningful takeaways from this difficult journey we’ve been on for the past few years. Are we still married? Yes. Are we happy? Yes. Has it been easy? Absolutely not. You may be wondering why the “hell no,” and that’s more than fair. The truth is, shortly after my last entry, things got worse—much worse. Just when you think you’ve hit bottom, life has a way of showing you there’s still room below. Where It All Started to Shift: In my previous posts, I shared the approach I took and the truths it uncovered—truths that were difficult to accept, including the realization that my wife genuinely didn’t want much to do with me anymore. I had essentially been friend-zoned, and our marriage was drifting into a platonic partnership I didn’t want. That’s when I used the “180 Method” (Grey Rock Method), originally designed to help victims of infidelity reclaim stability and clarity. And yes—it works. It worked for me tremendously. I’ve received a ton of hate for choosing this path, but everyone’s situation is different. There is no one-size-fits-all in marriage recovery. I have zero regrets. It helped my wife recognize her own areas for growth, and it helped me rediscover mine. For years I believed I “deserved” the pain I was experiencing because of my flaws—but that’s not true. We all have imperfections, but they don’t strip us of our worth. During this time, I focused on rebuilding myself—my health, my joy, my identity outside the marriage. I’ve since lost over 23 pounds, ran a marathon, completed two Tough Mudder challenges, developed a consistent exercise and mountain biking routine, started a business, read six books, joined a charity, and raised more than $52,000 for my children’s school. People misunderstand the 180 Method. It’s not just about how you treat the spouse—it’s about reclaiming you. Where We Are Now: The 180 Method gave me the space to focus on myself and my kids while still remaining faithful and committed to the marriage. I gave my wife an ultimatum (see previous posts), and we mutually agreed on what we each needed to work on—along with a timeline. Was the timeline perfect? No. Were there hiccups? Constantly. That’s the nature of relationships. You cannot remove the human element—our flaws, our emotions, our setbacks. This process came with relapses, depression, unrelated conflicts, insecurities, and the need for constant readjustment. This is where grace and adaptability became essential. Imagine practicing the 180 Method—which can appear cold and distant—while simultaneously extending unexpected moments of grace. It surprised my wife, and it made a profound difference. It validated the effort we were both putting in and signaled that we were genuinely moving toward healing. One powerful shift was realizing that my wife reciprocated grace and vulnerability much more easily when she saw me practicing them. We began having deeper conversations—ones I didn’t even realize we needed. Many of those issues were mine. I had to confront my struggle with emotional vulnerability. I grew up in a “macho,” stoic culture where men don’t cry—and that mentality was silently damaging our marriage. As I worked through that, I learned that allowing myself to be vulnerable didn’t make me weak. It made me accessible. And in turn, it allowed my wife to reach parts of me and care for me in ways I had never truly experienced. That feeling of being cared for—genuinely cared for—was new. And it changed everything. Where We’re Headed: As I mentioned, things got worse before they got better. My wife had a serious breakdown early on where she felt everything was over. We hadn’t yet fixed our communication patterns, and counseling helped us realize it was time to shift out of the 180 Method and begin recognizing and validating the progress we both were making. Once we focused intentionally on communication, grace, vulnerability, and consistent practices of gratitude and emotional expression, things started to transform. Over the months that followed, we chose to show up for each other. Not out of obligation, but out of intention. Fast forward to today: Our marriage is nothing like it was a year ago—and nothing like the day I wrote my last post. Is it perfect? No. Is it worth keeping forever? Absolutely. We have a new foundation and a new commitment to the work—not just on our marriage, but on ourselves. Advice for Anyone Going Through Something Similar: Your marriage can still be something beautiful, even after unimaginable hardship. Remember why you married your partner. Remember the qualities that made them right for you. But also remember that change starts with YOU—not your partner. You can’t force them to change. You can only do the work on yourself and give them the space to choose their own path. I recommend the 180 Method/Grey Rock Method because it was essential for me—but it isn’t universal. It worked because it forced both of us to confront truth, discomfort, and growth. People on Reddit criticized me endlessly for it. But it’s your marriage—not theirs. Only you know what you can live with, what you can’t, and what your relationship truly needs. Lastly, I genuinely hope this helps anyone navigating a similar situation. I will always be pro-marriage, and I firmly believe couples can overcome even the hardest challenges if they have the desire to do so. Love can be rebuilt. Trust can be rebuilt. Intimacy can be rebuilt. I now have a marriage filled with renewed love, real emotional connection, and new hope for our future. My wife chooses me every day. We are rebuilding together with honesty, vulnerability, and intention. My children have witnessed resilience, forgiveness, and growth—and that matters deeply to me. NOTE: I’ll be sharing some resources that really truly helped us later on in a comment. I truly believe it would be beneficial for those interested. Remember: You must go all-in if you want real change. Love hard, without reservation. Rewire your mindset. Give yourself time and grace. And believe that your marriage can succeed. I pray that every marriage here finds strength, hope, and a restored path forward. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/TechnicalHousing97 in r/AITAH, r/neurodiversity, r/offmychest, and r/Redditor_Updates Previous BORU New updates marked with -- trigger warnings: verbal abuse, intellectual elitism, possible ableism, homophobia, antisemitism, racism mood spoilers: sad and frustrating   AITAH for telling my wife that I will lose respect for her if she doesn't apologize? - December 6, 2025 My wife and I have three kids. Thursday my wife was helping our nine year old with her homework. She was supposed to fill in a chart with the times tables. That was a hectic day. Our four year old threw up, and I was trying to clean him up, and my wife was having trouble getting our nine year old to focus on what she was doing because she kept looking at me. Our nine year old hates math and is pretty bad at it, which annoys my wife who is usually fantastic at math. My wife asked our daughter was seven times seven was. Our daughter said she didn't know. My wife kept telling her to try to think of any answer. She kept saying she didn't know. My wife was getting frustrated. Our daughter finally guessed 37. My wife said "close, 47." Our thirteen year old then said "no mom, it's 49." My wife snapped at that point and told him to shut up and go upstairs. He went into the backyard instead. She took a deep breath and then went into our room. I finished with our four year old and then went outside. I tried to talk to him, but he didn't want to listen. He kept saying "but dad, seven times seven is 49." I told him his mom just got frustrated and didn't mean to yell at him. He kept insisting that seven times seven in 49 (which I am aware of), so I got nowhere. I went back inside to talk to my wife. She said she knew she shouldn't have yelled. She said she was frustrated because he was distracting her, and that's why she made the mistake. I pointed out that she made the mistake before he said anything. She started crying and asked why I was being so critical. I apologized and told her I loved her. We hugged it out, but then I asked her if she was going to go and apologize to our 13 year old. She said no, because he shouldn't have interrupted her. She said he was rude and needed to learn not to interrupt. I told her it's not okay to tell him to shut up. We went back and forth, and finally I said I won't be able to respect her as much if she doesn't apologize. That really hurt her. She said she needed space. She hasn't said a word to me or him since Thursday. I know that what I said is harsh, but I can't respect someone who won't apologize when they make a mistake. Am I the asshole? My sister says I am because I'm not being supportive and our 13yo is "a lot." Update: My wife got up before our alarm and started cleaning our bathroom. I started the laundry and made breakfast. She didn't say a word when she sat down to eat. She ate much faster than normal. She stood up, picked up our four year old and told our nine year old to get ready because they were going to the library. She didn't say anything to our thirteen year old. I told her we need to talk, and she shook her head. I followed her upstairs and insisted that we need to talk. She just kept shaking her head. She went into our four year old's room and locked the door. I went downstairs and told our thirteen and nine year old that we are going to the dog park. They both asked if Mom was okay, and I said yes and that she needed space. I grabbed some clothes for our nine year old from the laundry room, and she got changed in the downstairs bathroom. We are at the dog park, and my wife is refusing to answer my texts. I'm starting to think this isn't about math.   Update: AITAH for telling my wife that I will lose respect for her if she doesn't apologize? - December 8, 2025 Link to my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pg8ss5/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/ TLDR for those who don't want to click: My wife and I were having a crazy week last week. Thursday she was helping our daughter with her math homework while frustrated and overwhelmed. She gave our daughter the wrong answer to a question. Our son corrected her. She screamed at him to shut up. Afterwards I wanted her to apologize. She refused, and I said that would make me respect her less. She gave both me and our son the silent treatment in response. Update: Yesterday (Sunday) my wife wanted to take the two younger children to the library. I tried to talk to her, but she locked herself in our four year old's room. I took our older two children to the dog park. She took our four year old to the library. At the dog park I talked to our 13 year old. I explained to him that a lot was going on right now and his mother was overwhelmed. I said that sometimes when a person is overwhelmed the next thing that happens, good, bad, or neutral, is the thing that pushes them over, and the source of that thing, good, bad or neutral is what they lash out at. I said his mom was wrong to lash out at him, but it wasn't his fault and she didn't really mean it. I said she was embarrassed, and that was why she was avoiding him. He said that wasn't fair, and we kept going back and forth. I was trying to help him understand he didn't do anything wrong and shouldn't feel bad, but all he could focus on was that he was being treated unfairly. I told him that it was unfair, but that his mom isn't perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. I said sometimes he is unfair, but we forgive him because we love him. I said forgiving his mom, even though she is wrong, would be a nice way to show his love for her, but that he doesn't have to. Again, he just said that the situation was unfair. Which it is. It really is. After the dog park I took our 13yo to a friend's house and our 9yo a friend of mine's house. I went home and made dinner. However, my wife went out for dinner with our 4yo, so she didn't get home until after I had put everything away. I told her that we had to talk now that the older kids aren't here, and that not talking wasn't an option anymore. She still ignored me, so I said that if she wouldn't engage with me, I would have to call our sisters and get them to come over to help me. She got very angry, but she finally engaged. She told me that she is drowning. She said work is exhausting, and every day when she gets home her patience is already below zero. She is scared and upset by our 4yo's stomach issues. She said he threw up again at dinner (she really shouldn't have taken him out to eat, because we are supposed to keep track of everything he eats before throwing up or not throwing up before the appointment today, which is impossible to do at a restaurant, but I didn't mention that). She said she can't take our 13yo's behavior anymore. I said he didn't do anything wrong Thursday. She said that when we were that age if we interrupted our parents to tell them they were wrong we would have been punished severely. She said we raised a spoiled entitled child. She said she can never get any peace and quiet in our own home that we worked hard to pay for because we have a spoiled teen that refuses to ever stop talking or making noise. I said we have been working on those behaviors and he has been improving, but she lashed out when he was trying to be helpful and that sends the wrong message. She told me that I am not supporting her. She said she needs things to change. She said we need to crack down and stop being so lenient. If he plays the recorder after we've told him he's done for the night, we need to take it. If he interrupts, he needs to go straight to his room. If he argues about curfew, he needs to lose privileges. I told her we need to take a step back. I said if she is overwhelmed she needs to take a break. I told her this heightened emotional state is a bad time to make huge household changes. I suggested like many commenters did that she get a hotel for a few days and decompress. She said she's not the problem (I didn't say she was) and he is. She said he was bad from the beginning. She said when our daughter didn't have all his issues she thought it was because she is a girl, but our 4yo is a boy and is also better behaved, so he is the problem. She also said I've always seen it and used to admit it but stopped to make her look crazy. For context I used to joke that our 13yo is a changeling because he likes to be outside so much, loves animals and loves playing on his recorder. I want to stress that this was a joke. The reason I stopped making this joke is because I noticed my wife didn't find it funny anymore. This was years ago anyway. I said all that, and she said no, that I saw even then that he is wrong but stopped acknowledging it to make her feel like the problem. She also said she has been seeing an online therapist (I had no idea). She said she didn't tell me because she was embarrassed. Her therapist told her that our son has dangerous tendencies and shows signs of being contemptuous towards women because he doesn't respect his mother. I had no idea how to respond to that. I said any therapist who would say something like that about a child they've never met shouldn't be licensed, and if it's an online therapist for all she knows they aren't. At the end of our conversation she agreed to go to the hotel only if she took our 4yo with her because she wanted to be the one to take him to his medical appointment. I didn't think that was a good idea at all. However she ended up just taking him and going. I picked up the kids and brought them home. They sense that something is wrong and were very subdued this morning getting ready for school. I talked to my boss when I came in and he is going to let me leave early to go to our 4yo's medical appointment. I am not sure what will happen there. I am hoping it will be good news and that will make us all feel less on edge.   Should I have my child reevaluated? - December 9, 2025 When my 13 year old was in the first grade his teacher suggested we have him evaluated for autism, which was done through the school. The psychologist who evaluated him said that he did not have autism or any other neurological condition. She said that while he did have some traits associated with autism, he didn't meet the diagnostic criteria, and that none of the traits he exhibited interfered with his ability to function as necessary in his day to day life. Recently I made a post that mentioned my son and droves of commenters demanded he be reevaluated. They cited as evidence something called "justice sensitivity", his love for music, animals and the outdoors, his habit of interrupting and his habit of constantly talking. I mentioned that he had been evaluated and the psychologist had said he isn't autistic, but I was told sometimes teens are easier to diagnose. I don't think he is autistic, mainly because a specialist said he isn't, but I also have other reasons. He understands sarcasm perfectly well and has no trouble identifying emotions from facial expressions and tone. He has a lot of friends and is good at interacting with people, even strangers. He is not sensitive to stressful stimuli like loud noises or unpleasant textures. He is not obsessed with routine. The commenters are convinced my son is autistic, so I thought I would come to a subreddit more specific to that issue for a different take. The thing is, I don't want to have my son reevaluated. I think he would interpret that as me saying there is something wrong with him, which there isn't. He's a very normal teenage boy. If he was autistic I would want him diagnosed, but I really don't think he is. I appreciate any insight anyone is willing to share. Editor’s/compiler’s note:A similar post was made to r/medical_advice, I will be omitting this due to it basically being a less-detailed version of this one.   My wife lied to me, and I don't know who she is anymore. - December 11, 2025 I should probably stop posting online. It's, in all likelihood, an unhealthy coping mechanism. The thing is, this has become the only place I can speak freely. In my real life I have to be so careful with every word I say. I just need to say one more thing, to get this off my chest and then be done. It wasn't always like this. Most of this story is a romance. I met my wife in college. I liked her immediately. She was beautiful, of course. She was funny and smart, naturally. The thing that made me attracted to her, that made we want her, was that she was sharp. I have always loved sharpness in women. I was sharp myself back then. We sharpened each other. We were the couple that sat in the back of every room, with our noses turned up, judging everyone, whispering comments just loud enough to be heard and just cutting enough to hurt. We thought we were so smart and sophisticated. Our tastes were the most refined, and we didn't think anything was uglier than a rounded edge. When I first asked her out she told me we wouldn't work because her father wouldn't approve. I didn't care about her father. I cared about her. The more time we spent together the more I loved her. Her father's first words to me, even before hello, were that I wasn't good enough for his daughter. He refused to come to our wedding, but the day after he gave my wife 20k for a down payment because no daughter of his was going to be a renter. I never liked him, but I was amused by him. I thought of him as my wife and I's private joke. He was so ineffectual against our love. When he saw our first baby he said "he looks like his father" and I was such a puffed up peacock, high on my own virility. I was too proud of my strong seed, my overpowering genes, to see that for what it was, a condemnation. When I held my firstborn for the first time, the world felt different. I felt different. I felt silly and immature. I began to understand the utility of the rounded edge. I saw how unimportant my high-minded philosophy was. Babies don't care how clever you are. They eat, cry and poop, and they are the most important thing you'll ever do. I softened up. I began to understand my parents. I always adored my mother, while also look down on her. Her politics were boring, her philosophy uninspired, her religion sentimental. When I held my baby I understood my mother like I never had before. She was soft, not sharp, and that was what my child needed from me, a soft place to land, not a razor's edge. We managed to adjust to every change in our lives. We always found our equilibrium. About a year ago that slipped away. Our toddler was struggling with potty training, and he had the occasional bad bout of diarrhea. Our daughter began to dip below average at school. Our oldest became the worst thing a person can be, annoying. We, who had once prided ourselves in our cleverness, were being outsmarted by a pedantic twelve year old. "You didn't say I could only spent $20. You said I couldn't buy anything over $20. Each of these twenty things are $5," type nonsense. It was the grandparent's revenge, right? Oh, that's the kind of little asshole I used to be. I see why some people hated me. But he's a good kid. He doesn't steal, hit, curse or lie. He argued, he talked too much and he complained, but isn't that all a symptom of cleverness? He was too much like us. However he was also nothing like us, this child we created, but isn't that good? Don't we want our children to be individuals? Yes, the arguing and interrupting had to be curbed, but we worked on it. He improved. He started to mature. Life was a struggle, but he wasn't the struggle. This parenting thing is hard. My wife cracked. It happens. We've all been there. Our son corrected a mistake she made, and she was embarrassed. She screamed at him to shut up. I asked her to apologize, because he didn't deserve that. She shut down. She told me that she was overwhelmed. I get it. I'm overwhelmed too. I think I've been overwhelmed for a long time and just refused to acknowledge it. I told her to take a break. She took a break. My wife, who I have always trusted, lied to me. She said she quit her job. That was a lie. She did not quit. She was suspended, and she will likely be fired on Friday or possibly next week. She has been telling me all year that her coworkers are incompetent and she is the only one doing her job correctly. In actuality, she has been in a performance improvement plan for months. Why was she suspended? She was telling a coworker that he needed to finish something by the end of the month to keep them on track for a February third deadline. He interrupted her to tell her the deadline was March second. She screamed at him to shut up and not interrupt her. She did the same thing to her coworker she did to our son. The only difference is our household doesn't have an HR department. She lied to me. Is that what I should be hung up on? Probably not. Here's what's killing me. Here's what I can't say in real life, to anyone, so I'll tell you. I always thought she was sharp, and I loved that. I thought I was so sophisticated for recognizing her elegance and worth. I felt special for loving her. But maybe she isn't sharp. Maybe she's just thin-skinned and irritable. Yeah, she lied to me, but maybe I lied to myself first.   Update: My wife finally apologized, but I already lost some of my respect for her.-December 16, 2025 I'm still getting notifications asking questions about certain things, so here's an update to clear everything up. Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pg8ss5/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/ Initial update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1phfg45/update_aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/?sort=top TL;DR: Our 13yo corrected my wife when she got a math problem wrong. My wife screamed at him to shut up. I asked her to apologize, and she didn't talk to either of us for three days. At that point I demanded she talk to me, and we had a fight where she blamed our 13yo for everything. She took our four year old and went to stay at a hotel last Sunday night. I retrieved our four year old at his doctor's appointment the next day. She stayed at the hotel alone Monday & Tuesday night. Wednesday she told me she quit her job. She did not quit her job. A concerned coworker of hers reached out and revealed the truth. She was suspended for yelling at a coworker to shut up. She picked the kids up from school + daycare Wednesday. After they were asleep I confronted her. We fought, and she went to stay with my sister. With my sister's influence, she called her boss and managed to work out a compromise where she won't be fired and can have some mental health leave. She didn't see the kids all weekend, even when my sister picked them up Sunday to take them to a party. She is back home now. So here's where the update starts. Update: I had our 13yo evaluated by a child psychologist like so many redditors suggested. If you learn anything from my experience, learn not to take medical advice from reddit. Our son is not autistic and does not have ADD. The psychologist said the only thing he comes close to meeting the diagnostic criteria for is anxiety, but based on their discussion and the paperwork I filled out, she's confident those symptoms come from external stressors, not an anxiety disorder. My wife came home after work, and when our son arrived home from his friend's house, she did apologize to him. He forgave her, and they hugged it out, but it was an awkward interaction. Afterwards he want outside to play with his new harmonica. My daughter doesn't have a learning disability. I talked to her teacher. Her math skills are average for her age group according to the teacher. The teacher suggested that if she is struggling to do the math work at home it is because she feels pressured. I ended up telling her that she can do the work in whatever timeframe she wants, and she can have her brother check it for her, so neither her mother nor I will know if she made a mistake. She seems happy with this new arrangement. I think my wife and I were too critical in our eagerness to encourage her to work hard and do well, and I accept culpability for that. Our four year old is allergic to soy. Since I stopped feeding him anything with soy in it he hasn't vomited once. He will soon be reintroduced to soy in very small doses to acclimate him. He is doing much better, and this has relieved a huge source of stress. As for my wife, as I said, she apologized to our son. She said talking to my sister helped a lot. She told me the reason she has been so overwhelmed and she lashed out was the realization that we aren't going to have another kid and the three we have are it. She said she is worried that our kids are spoiled and soft. She said she wants our kids to bypass their peers, and she doesn't see that happening right now because they are too undisciplined and unmotivated. She said sone of her dad's parenting might be what they need. I told her I would never be okay with that, and that would be a deal breaker for me. I also told her I don't see how anxiety about the kids caused her to lash out at work. I said that I think she is frustrated by the fact that she can't control people. She said that's unfair, and I apologized but also said I think that an issue similar to what I said is the likely culprit. We agreed to a compromise where she tries to relax until she leaves for her trip with my sister. If she feels she is getting stressed out, she will leave for as long as needed. We will talk about parenting strategies again after she gets back. I have hired a lawyer and didn't tell her. If she again tries to insist that we go full authoritarian on the kids I will raise the possibility of divorce. I love my wife, but I owe it to my kids to put them first.   --New updates-- Update: My wife isn't coming home. - December 30, 2025 https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pg8ss5/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/ Link to the original post above. I made other posts. They're on my profile. Someone compiled them all on a different subreddit. Listen, I just need to vent. My wife is on vacation with my sister after a mini mental breakdown. She just WhatsApped me that she isn't coming back. She said she needs to make some changes, and the New Year is the perfect time. She told me that a start-up working on a cause she is passionate about is looking for someone in her field. She's taking the job and moving to the opposite coast. Shock doesn't feel like the right word. It doesn't feel big enough. She wanted to stress that she isn't leaving me, that she just needs to pursue her passion. She said if this startup takes off we call all move to where she is going and resettle and get a fresh start. She also said that this new job is closer to the clinic our son's pediatrician recommended for his allergy treatment. I started to argue with her, but then I deleted the message. We're doing okay without her, as awful as that sounds. Maybe she needs this. I looked into this startup. I don't think it will take off. But maybe she just needs a break from us to recenter herself. So I told her I love her, that I believe in her and that I'm proud of her for following her dreams. What else could I say? My sister is pissed at her for abandoning us, and this has pretty much ruined their trip. I think I should feel bad about that, but I'm too burnt out. 2026. It's going to be a year.   Update: What happened while my wife was overseas. - January 4, 2025 https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pg8ss5/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_will_lose/ That was the original post. We're well past that. I have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow to file for divorce. In my last update I told people that my wife wasn't coming home, but I still think I can fix things if I give her space. I no longer believe that. Several of you (most of you not very nicely) told me she had abandoned our family. I didn't want to believe it, but you are right. I picked my sister up from the airport this morning, and we had a long conversation where she filled in details. When my wife, her sister, my sister and her wife got to the resort everything was fine at first. It didn't take long for my wife's sister to show her ass though. She called my sister a (slur that rhymes with bike) (other slur that rhymes with bike). She called my sister's wife a (stick with p instead of t) (that second bike slur). So that caused a huge fight. My wife cursed out her sister (rightfully!) and moved into the room my sister was sharing with her wife to get away from her sister. My wife told my sister more about the situation with the kids. She said she feels like she failed our oldest and he is completely beyond help. She said he is so disrespectful and obnoxious and she doesn't understand how she let it get to this point. Our son, by the way, made his little siblings breakfast and played monopoly with them while I was up crazy early picking my sister and her wife up from the airport. Evil child, clearly. My sister told my wife our oldest is just a teenager and that she is attaching significance to really insignificant things. My sister said teenagers are all annoying, but it isn't the end of the world. My wife said her dad wouldn't put up with that kind of behavior. My sister pointed out that her dad raised her sister, who goes around calling people slurs. My wife said that was her husband's influence, which, whatever. My wife also said she thinks our daughter is stupid. My sister was shocked to hear that. Our daughter's academic performance at school is average. Most kids are average. That's what average means. She isn't stupid. She's normal. My wife talked about a startup in California an old classmate of hers is going to work for. They do work she really believes in. She said she wanted to move to California to work for them and also so our youngest will be closer to a particular allergy clinic. My sister tried to tell her that is all crazy, but that didn't work, since my wife is currently on her way to California. Or maybe she already landed. I'm not sure. My sister is angry with my wife and doesn't ever want to talk to her again. They have always been close friends, so that really brought home to me how insane her behavior is. My sister thinks she is lying about having the job too. She thinks my wife is planning to apply in California and that no job offer has been made yet. I wouldn't believe that if not for her previous lie about her current job. To protect myself I opened a new bank account and switched my direct deposit. I also prepaid a lot of things that get paid from the joint account so she can't drain it and leave us in a bad spot. I opened a new account specifically for the mortgage, transferred six payments into it and put that on autopay. I won't use it for anything else. I bought a bunch of gift cards from the grocery store we use as well, so if she does drain the account we'll be able to buy food. I prepaid the daycare and school fees and activity fees for the kids as far as possible. I paid off and closed our joint cards. She still has her personal cards, and I still have mine. This is going to be messy as hell, and I am not looking forward to it. The worst thing is that the kids are sad their mom isn't coming home. Of course I didn't tell them what she said about them. Our oldest thinks she went to California to hang out with other cool people because we aren't cool enough for her. I told him that isn't true, but he doesn't believe me. I'm just devastated by all this. The person I'm supposed to be able to rely on abandoned me.   Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. submitted by /u/J_S_M_K to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Hi guys, I have a very sweet, but very high energy toddler of 2 years old. The moment she wakes up, she wants to jump on the bed or faceplant into the bed over and over again. If we're lucky, we get about 5 minutes of waking up before she starts. We don't allow this, so usually she wants to go downstairs within 10 minutes. Then it's pretty much going non stop till nap time and then till bed. She definitely still needs her nap. Yesterday at daycare no one napped and yesterday evening was hell. She gets wayyyyy more energy when she's overtired. What we already do: every sunday we go swimming. On other days it's not open during hours that we are at home with her. An hour bath multiple times a week. bicycle indoors when cold, outdoors when good weather (she hated the balance bike, so she has a normale bicycle with training wheels). We run next to her to keep up and make sure she doesn't drive into cars. Pikler triangle at home for climbing. She needs supervision, because she will jump otherwise. Going to grandma and grandpa for a few hours because she is way chiller there xD Going to the outdoor playground when it's good weather. The indoor playground is at the same location as the swimming pool, so we can't go there anymore. She'll want to go swimming instead and have a meltdown. Reading a lot of books for mental stimulation. A ride-on car that she can play with inside. For reference: right now it's about freezing temperature in here. And like any stubborn toddler, she refuses to wear mitts. So going anywhere outside for more than 15 minutes is difficult. Any suggestions on some lazier activities, or activities that don't need supervision that can drain some energy? Because right now we're fried every day at 7 pm when she's home all day. Even on the days where she's in daycare all day, she can still drain our energy within 2-3 hours. She kind of plays by herself, but when she has a book that she wants to check out, she'll always ask to be on your lap. So even the independent play is not completely independent. There's usually not any breaks during the day for us, except for her nap. Does anyone have any tips? Thanks in advance :) submitted by /u/Cindy565656 to r/toddlers [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/Lemon_Lime_Lily to r/CuratedTumblr [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/fancyapanda Originally posted to r/AITAH Previous BoRUs: #1 [New Update]: AITA for Refusing to Co-Sign My Sister’s Mortgage After My Parents Went Behind My Back? NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Thanks to u/queenlegolas u/soayherder & u/boringhistoryfan for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: identity theft, financial fraud RECAP Original Post: December 26, 2024 I (28F) have been busting my butt for years to save for my own house. I work in software, so I make decent money, but it still takes forever to build up a good down payment. Meanwhile, my younger sister (25F) is in grad school with barely any credit. Our parents (both mid-50s) found a house near them and decided she needs it. They made an offer—without telling me—and now the deal only goes through if I co-sign. The problem? I had no clue they’d do this. My parents basically dropped a bomb: “You have the best credit score—co-sign so your sister can get the house!” They also hinted I should chip in for the down payment because “you’ve got the money.” If I co-sign, I’ll be on the hook if my sister can’t pay. She’s still in school, has debt, and zero backup plan. The bank might also reject my future mortgage application since they’ll see I’m already tied to another loan. But my parents say I’m “selfish” and “forgetting family values.” My sister’s calling me a monster for leaving her “stranded,” and my mom threatened to cut off any future financial help (like wedding money) if I don’t help right now. Some relatives think it’s insane my parents tried to rope me into this after they already made the offer. Others say I should just do it for “the family’s sake.” I feel guilty, but also mad they put me in this spot. AITA for protecting my own finances, or are they wrong for strong-arming me into co-signing a mortgage I never wanted in the first place? EDIT: I’m actually adopted lmao forgot to mention in my confused and angry state. My parents adopted me when I was very young because they’d been struggling to conceive. A few years later, they had my younger sister naturally, which was a huge deal to them—she was their “miracle baby.” Ever since, it’s felt like my role in the family became “the older, adopted one,” while she was the golden child who could do no wrong. Growing up, I was expected to pitch in more, be more responsible, and generally look out for my sister. I worked my butt off in school, snagged scholarships, and eventually landed a good job in software. All the while, I felt like my family mostly saw me as the “fallback option” in case anyone needed financial or emotional support. Now that I’m actually building my own life—saving for a house, focusing on my career—I’m realizing how my success just makes me look like a bigger piggy bank to my parents. The more independent I become, the clearer it is that I need to separate myself from the constant guilt trips and the unspoken expectation that I’ll always bail them (or my sister) out. I love them, but I can’t keep sacrificing my own future to maintain a dynamic where I’m never the priority. So thank you all for the wake up call. Update to come AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Relevant / Top Comments Why didn’t OOP’s parents co-sign the loan? OOP: They have financial strains and don’t want to incure thar risk. And don’t have the best credit either Why didn’t OOP's parents help her with buying a house? OOP: We were at odds due to another family issue Commenter 1: So, your sister is the Golden child and you are not. Don't cosign the loan. Tell your parents to give your sister the wedding money and since your finances won't be a dumpster fire (as they would if you cosign the loan) you'll pay for your own wedding-- and will be sure to send them a picture since obviously they won't be there. Tell them how much you appreciate them freeing you from having to care for them as they age since that will fall 100% to your sister. NTA but your family is really toxic. OOP: Probably something I should have said this but was blinded by my confusion and forgot to mention. I was adopted, not at as a baby but around the age of 6. Was always different and never bothered to reconnect with bio mom. I knew I was an outsider but as I got older and somewhat over shadowed my younger sister with my “successful “career I think it created a resentment between my parents and me. So it think it’s hitting it breaking point and really showing… Commenter 2: Absolutely do NOT co-sign. NTA if you refuse. Let your Mom not pay for the wedding. If she’s threatening now, she will again. In the end she probably won’t. But that’s not hhe main reason not to co-sign. The main reason is there is a huge chance you will be in debt for a house that is not yours. Commenter 3: Terrible idea.. why does she need a house rn if she has barely any credit and she’s mid grad school.. an apartment sounds like what she needs Commenter 4: Lock down your credit score and make sure they can't use your information anyway. My sister had hers trashed by the EX because he would take out loans in her name. I have seen parents do this as well, regardless of the child's age. Or consent.   Update #1: December 27, 2024 (next day) Okay, so here’s where I’m at: I’m absolutely not signing my sister’s mortgage (and I’m definitely not pitching in for any down payment). This whole thing was the final push I needed to realize how messed up our family dynamic has been for ages. I mean, I’ve always known it was bad, but having them basically try to volunteer me—and my finances—without even asking just crossed a line I can’t ignore anymore. I’m done. I’ve decided to cut ties. I’m already in the process of dropping any financial entanglements we might have—cutting off shared accounts, making sure they can’t use my information for anything, and basically scrubbing them from my finances. My job lets me work remotely, so I’m planning to move out of state soon. That was always in the back of my mind, but now it feels urgent. I need space, distance, and a real shot at a normal life without the constant guilt trips. I’m also locking down my credit—freezing it, changing passwords, everything. I’m not taking any chances that someone might try to open a line of credit in my name. I’ve seen enough horror stories and I’m not about to become one. Thankfully, I’m not alone in all this. My close friends have been incredible. They’re basically my real family at this point—helping me pack, offering me a place to stay if I need it, reminding me that I’m not crazy for wanting to protect my future. They’ve been the biggest source of support, and I’m honestly so grateful to have them in my corner. So yeah, that’s it. I’m not signing. I’m leaving. I’m done. If my family wants to blow up at me for “abandoning them,” so be it. I’ve gotta look out for myself, my credit, and my sanity. Here’s to hoping things only get better from here. Everyone who commented their 2 cents are amazing people and I thank you all for your support while I’m dealing with this. Truly thank you. ❤️ Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Be sure to freeze your credit with all 3 bureaus and freeze your Social Security number as well. OOP clarifies the timeline on when she was adopted into the family OOP: Honestly, it’s not as dramatic as it sounds. We’re three years apart in age—I’m older—but my adoption was finalized around the time my sister was toddler-aged. The process itself had started earlier, and it wasn’t all done in a day. My parents had me placed with them before it was legally official, so by the time the paperwork went through when I was six, she was already three. It’s just a messy timeline that happens when adoption, fertility struggles etc. I forget all the details sometimes my apologies Commenter 2: I would also contact the financial institution that is issuing the mortgage and tell them you’re not involved in case they forge your signature. They have your social security number and may have already had the bank run your information.   Update #2: December 28, 2024 (next day) Discovered a Credit Card in My Name Ok. I was really hoping the update post would be the last one but here I am . I didn’t expect it to turn into a bigger mess. After deciding not to co-sign the mortgage for my sister, I started taking extra precautions with my finances locking down my credit, pulling my full credit reports, like you all suggested. I wanted to be absolutely sure no one could use my information without me knowing. That’s when I stumbled on an active credit card I didn’t open. Some of you guys warned me and I guess I wasn’t fast enough to lock down. It’s been around for a couple of years now.. It was being using but I’m assuming my parents wanted to keep it from me with the intention of using it as leverage. As of YESTERDAY, the statements show purchases that look a lot like household expenses. The billing address on file points right back to my parents’ home. I confronted them, via text, because I’m currently a couple hours away with a close friend. They claimed I “benefited” from these expenses, which doesn’t make much sense like how did because they never helped me with setting up my own apartment. Also, it explains why they assumed I’d be okay with co-signing: turns out they’ve been using my credit for a while. Needless to say, I feel completely betrayed. This wasn’t some tiny oversight my parents have been quietly using my name to fund their expenses. Now I’m talking to a professional to figure out whether I should dispute the charges or close the account outright (without tanking my own credit in the process). It’s nerve-wracking realizing how they went behind my back even before this mortgage BS. At this point, I’m even more determined to move out of state to get distance from all this. My job is thankfully remote-friendly, so relocating won’t wreck my career. My friends have been amazing, offering support so I don’t completely lose my mind. If it weren’t for them, I’d be a mess right now. I’m not trying to be vindictive or over-dramatic I just need to protect myself. The trust is gone, and I don’t see how I can maintain a healthy relationship with people who thought this was okay. It’s sad, and I wish it didn’t come to this, but I’ve got to prioritize my own future. I’ll let you know if anything else major happens, but for now I’m focused on fully separating my finances from my family, getting ready to move, and making sure I don’t pay the price (credit-wise) for something I never agreed to. It’s scary, but I’m hoping it’ll be worth it to finally have a life and a credit score of my own. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Well. If They opened credit in your name, that is considered identity theft. You should file a police report. Let the chips fall where they may. Commenter 2: Hang in there. Don't forget to check with ChexSystem to make sure they haven't used your name to sign leases and utilities that won't show up in a regular Credit Bureau check. Commenter 3: If there is debt left on the card then you should contest that with the cc company. You want that debt to come off your credit rating. This also reads like identity theft. You have grounds for reporting your parents to authorities. Commenter 4: File a police report NOW. you're not liable for any of this, and can get it wiped through the courts, but the first step is reporting the identity theft.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Update #3: October 29, 2025 (ten months later from the previous update) Edit: I’m reposting here since it got taken down on AITAH, I had some drama last year that I posted about and was hoping I’d just be able to repost there. So here it is. Last year I cut my parents off and thought that was the end. They tried to force me to co-sign a mortgage for my younger sister, called me selfish when I refused, and I found a credit card opened in my name at their address. I froze my credit, shut everything down, moved out of state, and told myself, “Done. No more access.” I was wrong. This week a letter from the county recorder shows up about a newly recorded deed of trust “with my updated address.” I pull the record: my full legal name as co-borrower, a signature that’s supposed to be mine, and a hometown notary stamp. “But she’ll lose her house.” If your roof depends on a forged co-borrower, you never had a house. You had a countdown. I did not apply for this loan. I did not sign this loan. I was not even in the same state the day they claim I sat with a notary. I called the lender’s fraud department and asked for the e-sign audit trail. The IP used for “my” signature? My parents’ Wi-Fi. I emailed the notary. She replied IN WRITING that she “saw me over FaceTime” and matched my ID from a photo my mom provided. That is not legal. That’s “I didn’t do my job and now I’m part of a crime.” Here’s what I have: the deed listing me as co-borrower, the fake signature and stamp, the lender’s e-sign audit with their IP, records placing me out of state, and last year’s police report from the secret credit card. So I acted. Filed a police report for identity theft and forgery with exhibits. Filed a state notary complaint with her written admission. Filed an FTC identity theft affidavit. Sent a fraud packet to the lender demanding removal of my name and treating the acknowledgment as defective. Extended my 7-year fraud alert, re-froze all bureaus, locked my USPS address, opened a PO box. Retained a lawyer. Sent my parents a written cease-and-desist: stay out of my finances. All contact is email only. I’m not giving them time to “fix it quietly.” I’m not offering a refinance window. I’m not protecting them so my sister doesn’t “have to move.” If this loan collapses, it’s because they built it on my stolen identity. That’s on them. “But she’ll lose her house.” If your roof depends on a forged co-borrower, you never had a house. You had a countdown. This is absolutely ridiculous and I feel like I’m out of my mind. I thought this was all behind me I guess not. I’ve has some amazing help over the last year trying to piece my life back together but things are so shitty right now. I don’t care if she ends up homeless fuck them im so done.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ClickDependent8 Originally posted to r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC AITA for taking my daughter somewhere when my husband and sons went on a “boys trip.” Trigger Warnings: golden children syndrome, emotional abuse and manipulation, possible controlling behavior, verbal abuse, misogyny, mentions of mental health, emotional child abuse / neglect Mood Spoilers: infuriating, baffling Original Post: June 4, 2025 I (43f) have triplets: Mark, Liam, and Abby (14) with my husband Josh (45m.) Last Friday Josh decided to bring Mark and Liam on a spontaneous trip to Six Flags. I don't like amysement parks so I wasn't bothered by not being invited. Abby asked to go as well but Mark and Liam said it was a "boy's trip" and that she would ruin the vibe. Abby was upset because she felt left out and I felt bad for her so I decided we'd have a day out. On Saturday we went to Cheesecake Factory (our favorite restaurant), a local spa, and I let her have a mini shopping spree at the mall that only came out to about $150. I paid for it all since I got a hefty bonus and didn't know what else to spend it on. She felt better after and we even had a heartfelt mother-daughter moment at Build-A-Bear where we made each other bears. We also had brunch on Sunday although it wasn't very costly. The boys came home last night and Abby was excited to tell Josh all about what we did over the weekend. He got mad and confronted me about it saying I shouldn't have done that. I asked why because he refused to let Abby go in the first place and he said it was a boy's trip and that I shouldn't get her used to special treatment for not being involved in anything. I asked why it bothered him so much since I know he'd do it for our sons but he won't tell me why it bothers him so much. He ended up even trying to take her bear but I wouldn't let him. He's being cold to me and Abby now and I'm at a loss. AITA? OOP received the majority of NTA Relevant Comments Has OOP's husband acted like that before? OOP: He’s never acted this way before which is really confusing me. Commenter 1: This is alarming behavior tbh. If they're allowed boys trips, why are girls trips not allowed? Unless he can give a better explanation, the only reason he's against this is because he wanted her to feel excluded. So why does he insist his daughter feel excluded? Does he hate her or something? Is this the first time he's treated her as less than when it comes to all the kids? OOP: He refuses to explain why and just says that it’s not right and won’t explain further. I don’t know if he hates her but I am wondering now, and wondering why would he treat her this way? There have been times before where he’d take the boys somewhere extravagant and take Abby somewhere less than exciting after (like taking our sons camping for the weekend and taking Abby to Denny’s to make it up) but she always seemed to appreciate it so I thought he put thought into it. Now I’m wondering if she was an afterthought to him. Commenter 1: His refusal to explain is an explanation. He WANTS her to feel like a second class citizen. You note that you also were not invited but it didn't bother you because it was conveniently something you're not into. Are you also treated as a second class citizen but it just conveniently happens to be things you're not interested in. Does he treat you to a lesser experience as a way of making up for the times you're excluded? I'm wondering if it's a he hates his daughter thing or if this is a sexism thing. OOP: I’ve never felt like I was being treated like a second class citizen by him or Mark and Liam. If anything they treat me like I’m one of the wonders of the world. Usually if he plans trips I’m the first one he has involved even before we tell the kids. He just insisted this time that it was a boy’s trip. Did anyone else meet up with Josh, Mark, and Liam? How did the kids get along with each other? OOP: As far as I know they didn’t bring anyone or meet anyone, no. Liam, Mark, and Abby usually get along and at worst deal with typical sibling rivalry but it’s never been as bad as this. Commenter 2: NTA but I don't get your husband's reaction???? Was he possibly going to do a daddy-daughter day and now feels he can't.... but why wouldn't he tell you? And trying to take her bear? That's the equivalent of saying "you don't deserve anything because you don't have a penis". I don't know, I think this goes deep and is worth digging into. 14 is such a hard age. OOP: I asked him if he was going to take her anywhere before he left for Six Flags actually and he just said no. He seemed frustrated but I figured he was just focused on packing so I never pushed it further. Does OOP have her own 1-on-1 with each of her children? OOP: Mark and I go to Olive Garden together and Liam isn’t much of a restaurant person so we have macaroni and cheese nights if it’s just me and him. I try to spend time individually with all of them. I take Mark to the arcade and Liam to the museums he wants to visit. I promise I don’t just focus on Abby. Commenter 3: Imo it sounds like he was trying to punish her for something. The punishment didn’t work because you let her have fun. That’s what his actions say to me. This was supposed to be a punishment. But it’s something he is probably rightfully ashamed of because it wasn't presented as the punishment it was supposed to be. Nta, whether or not my theory is correct. He could just be sexist. OOP: I have no idea what she’d be punished for. She’s a good kid and looks up to her dad so I know she wouldn’t want to disappoint him. Commenter 4: Does your husband have a sister that got more attention than him? OOP: No he was an only child. OOP on if her husband's mental health is okay OOP: As far as I’m aware, yes. Unless he’s hiding it from me I don’t think there’s anything going on with him mental health wise. Is there any chances that Josh doesn't think Abby is his? Even if Abby is a triplet? OOP: I hope he doesn’t think Abby isn’t his. Having triplets with different fathers isn’t really possible. I do know that after they were born though for a while he made a joke like, “I almost won the jackpot but was one bar off and lost everything.” I asked him what it meant one time and he never said it again, now I’m wondering if it was a sexist joke. Is OOP's name on the title of the house? Can she kick Josh out? OOP: He inherited it from his grandmother before we got married/moved in together so I wasn’t on the title. I guess I just never thought about it.   Update: September 11, 2025 (three months later) It's been a while since I made my first post and enough time has passed that I figured I would update. Firstly I want to clear some things up: - The "boy's trip" was not just one day, it was from Friday to Tuesday. I saw multiple people say it was just a day trip so I wanted to clear that up. - The question everyone is asking: Why did I defend Josh? I wish I had an answer better than I was in denial. I didn't want to think that Josh was horrible because I truly loved him at the time. I don't anymore. At the time though I was scared to accept that he was a bad person. The update: I took the kids and we went to my sister's house. Mark and Liam protested but I told them it wasn't their choice to make. I told Josh that we were leaving for a while and he literally said, "Fine as long as I can keep the boys with me." We had an argument about it and it escalated to the point where police had to intervene. He didn't get physical but he was verbally aggressive towards all of us and they had to calm him down. I think that was the moment I realized I couldn't do it anymore and decided it was over for us. I was able to force him into family therapy with the help of his family. They were appalled by his behavior and didn't understand what was happening either. I wish I could tell you all that we came to a big revelation and finally understood everything but unfortunately that didn't happen. The therapist asked Abby to speak and she asked Josh directly why he didn't let her go on the trip and why he got upset that she spent the day with me. He refused to speak and just walked out of the session. He blocked both me and my daughter and the last thing I heard from him was him texting Liam and telling him to tell me that he expects custody of both the boys (and not Abby) if we divorce. I still don't understand what's going on with him and neither does his family. I also talked to all the kids separately. Abby said that nothing happened between the two of them and that she was confused as to why he hated her. Liam and Mark said that he told them that they should leave Abby home because it was a father-sons trip and insisted that the trip was going to have a certain dynamic that Abby would ruin. He convinced them to not want her on the trip and they obliged because he said he was going to cancel it if she came along. As for what happened on the trip, they just said that they spent pretty much all their time at Six Flags and the worst thing that happened was they didn't have sunscreen. As of right now we're still living with my sister. Mark and Liam are still sharing a room and got used to it. Abby is still shaken up from the situation and sometimes I catch her blaming herself for all of this but I make sure to remind her that it’s not her fault. All 3 are on a waitlist for individual therapy right now and I'm considering it for myself but for now I'm focusing on them. I'm looking to see what my options are for housing and as much as I would love to keep our home I don't know if I can and am looking into other houses/apartments as backup. I'm hoping the divorce process goes smoothly but I can see Josh dragging it out as long as possible. I'm monitoring Mark and Liam's text messages in case Josh says anything or tries pitting them against me or Abby. He still won't talk to Abby or me which I am fine with as of now. I know Abby misses her dad but I think even she realizes that she's better off without him. That's basically it for now. I'm not sure if this is the end of everything or if I'll be dealing with a lot more with the divorce. In any case I think my kids and I will be fine. Thanks to everyone on the original thread for giving me advice and helping to pull off the rose tinted glasses. I dread to think about what would’ve happened if I never came here and stayed with Josh. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Where do the boys land in all of this? Are they seeing their dad as unreasonable or are they sympathetic to him? Are they making Abby feel supported? I feel sad or everyone except your husband. OOP: I’m not entirely sure how they feel about their dad, I have tried to talk about it with them a couple times but both have said they don’t want to talk about it. Abby has almost stopped interacting with them entirely which the family therapist suggested might be out of guilt. They don’t completely avoid each other but Abby keeps to herself a lot more now and now that she’s back in school she spends most her day doing extra work and studying, and I think Mark and Liam have just given up on trying to get her to hang out with them. We’re working on it in family therapy but I worry that the boys might subconsciously blame her for everything and that’s why they’ve accepted her not talking to them. Commenter 2: I think you need to get ready to pay for several motions and hearings to get a psych evaluation of your ex ordered by the court, and then the psych evaluation needs to figure out why he hates his daughter and whether he is able to parent any of the children. If he refuses to cooperate, then you have a decent chance of very much the majority of custody. You should talk strategy with your attorney, but I would consider going for full custody of all three children initially and settling for “joint custody” but really you have primary custody and he gets supervised visitation for the first year or so. Something is medically wrong with your husband’s brain. OOP: I am definitely going for full custody or at least nothing more than supervised visits from him. Psych eval would be a good idea, I’ll talk to my attorney about that. Considering his own family doesn’t agree with his behavior or know what’s going on with him and we have the family therapy incident as proof I hope that can be enough to get a psych evaluation or at least prove he isn’t fit to be around them alone. Commenter 3: Is it possible he somehow believes Abby isn't his? Very strange behavior, either that or he thought after having two boys he'd have another one and got disappointed? OOP: I’m leaning towards the latter but I feel there’s more to it than just that based off the fact that his own family doesn’t know why he’s doing this and him refusing to say why exactly he doesn’t like her. Commenter 4: You may want to check up on the boys’ online activity and get a gauge on their attitudes about certain things, like women and feminism and gay people and shit like that, cause it sounds like your husband is actually a raging misogynist who only values men. You can’t control what sticks with your kids but you can at least attempt to intervene on this and try to make sure they’re not getting radicalized OOP: I’ve been tracking their online activity heavily since this. So far I haven’t seen anything questionable but I am being very cautious. I’m checking Abby’s too since I’m not ruling out her ending up in any bad online spaces. Aren't the kids triplets? OOP: Yes they’re triplets. I don’t think (or at least don’t want to believe) he’s stupid enough to believe that she’s not his. Was Josh like that with Abby from when she was a baby / toddler? OOP: Not to the extreme it is now. The worst I can think of off the top of my head when she was a baby was him joking about their (all 3 of our kids) birth being a failed jackpot because of Abby. He only ever made the joke once, though, and seemed mostly normal about her.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Told my wife (F35) that she couldn’t do it without me (M34). Turns out she can. (New Update) I am not The OOP, OOP is u/get-a-lifee Told my wife (F35) that she couldn’t do it without me (M34). Turns out she can. Originally posted to r/amiwrong & r/relationship_advice Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/PitaEnigma for suggesting this BoRU Thanks to u/LadyNorbert for finding the update BoRU 1 TRIGGER WARNING: spousal neglect, deadbeat parent Am I wrong in this fight? Jan 17, 2024 My wife and I don’t fight much. And when we do fight, we usually communicate well afterwards and things go back to normal. I brag to my friends about how reasonable my wife is and her ability to communicate and empathize is something I deeply admire. She doesn’t hold grudges. She talks me through my rough times. Until now. Due to a fire, my wife is out of work but still earning her salary (thanks insurance). We decided she would stay home with our young son while out of work. She doesn’t love child rearing, which is something we knew going into having kids. Honestly, it’s hard to tell. She’s a great mom. Present and loving even when I can see she’s struggling inside. I give my wife a lot of breaks. We co parent. Split bedtime routines for our two kids. We both pull our weight. Yesterday was a snow day. My daughter was home with my wife and son. I was working from home downstairs all day. I helped my daughter with cyber school until noon. My wife was with my son in the snow all morning, plowing the drive and sidewalks etc. maintaining the house. My daughter joined them and from the sound of things and some videos, she brought her friends over for playing and hot chocolate. I worked until around 5:00 and when I went upstairs it was chaos. My wife was doing laundry and helping my daughter who fell and hurt herself on the ice. She sent home the friends and we had dinner. I did the clean up and right after finishing- keep in mind I’ve been downstairs working all day, not even a bathroom break after noon- I go into the play room and my wife approaches me. It goes like this Her- “Hey can I go lay down for a bit.” The maybe offense… I admit I made a face and said Me- “I haven’t gone to the bathroom all day and I put cookies in the oven.” I can tell I messed up just by the face she give me Her- “Fine. Never mind. Forget I asked. Heaven forbid.” Now I’m sensing some attitude and know I’ve misstepped here. So I say. Me- “no it’s fine I’ll take care of it all. Go take a break.” To my complete shock, in front of our kids who I admit aren’t paying us much attention, but are still close my wife says. “I said never fucking mind. I’ve been running around on my feet all day watching our kids and other people’s kids and heaven fucking forbid I ask for twenty minutes to myself.” I again say “Go take a break! I told you it was fine.” But she’s clearly lost her marbles and is seeing red. She starts cleaning up and helping with the kids and I do too. I tried to overcompensate but she just took over caring for them and they listened to he In the hall I said “I think you forget I work all day.” And she viciously says. Her- “thanks for reminding me. I almost forgot.” I feel like an ass. I get that she works hard caring for the kids but I work hard too. I think not having her job and escape is making her reaction to this fight worse. She texted me the next day with her usual communication. She expressed how upset she felt with my behavior and the way I acted toward her. She said she was feeding and taking care of six kids all day in the snow alone and still cleaned the entire house and deep cleaned our craft room. I explained that I’m stressed at work and that I didn’t get why she’s so upset since I offered her a break but she said “I don’t want your pity breaks” She ended it with “thanks for the apology btw.” Which yeah, I didn’t exactly apologize but for what? And then she asked for the number to my daughters piano teacher. The piano teacher was the only activity that I manage for my kids. I found out she text her asking to go through my wife from now on as she will be managing the schedule. Normally my wife would text me asking if I can get my daughter from dance on my way home yesterday. I do this every week. I didn’t hear anything and when I got home I found out my wife dropped and picked her up. I confronted my wife with “I am very present with my children do not make me out to be an absent father.” My wife responded with “if I didn’t manage and ask you for help, you’d see them a quarter of the time you do now. And I’m done managing you.” I get it. I should have just smiled and agreed when she asked for help but this is extreme. She’s having a fit and trying to ice me out of my relationship with my kids. It’s so petty. It’s like I don’t even know this woman. Gone is the reasonable level headed communicator. So if you’ve made it this far thank you. And please please tell me if I’m wrong here. RELEVANT COMMENTS OOP on being told his wife is stressed Thanks for the response. Her reaction is so out of left field. She really is usually the most reasonable person I know. It’s been stressful for her and I admit I’m also so stressed at my job that I didn’t see it. I figured a few months off paid would be a luxury. But yeah, now I see having six kids and a toddler alone all day might be as luxurious as a barrel of hair. Guess it’s my turn to be the empathetic reasonable one. She’s done it enough for the both of us. OOP on being told to take the initiative and give the wife a break You are 100% right. I normally do say that. She asks me for a break at least three times a week to take a bath or go read and I almost always immediately say yes. It was just an off moment and I know I reacted poorly but she’s completely trying to ice me out. I had to argue with her this morning just to let me take my kid to school because “she said she’d do it.” And the kids just went along clinging to her and then when I pushed back my kid started crying for her. She had to calm him down and insist going with dad is fun just to undo what she did. He was fine with going with me but it’s messy and so unnecessary. I am scared with her behavior. I love my wife and I don’t want to push her away. OOP on his wife's schedule My wife has two days during the week without my son or daughter. She’s been painting the house and deep cleaning. My son is gone from 8-2 and my daughter 9-3 Monday and Friday both. I think the snow day broke her but hopefully she’ll come around and be sensible. I’ve never known her to ice me out or stop communicating and it’s freaking me out. It’s a little bit why I think there is more to this fight. Told my wife (F35) that she couldn’t do it without me (M34). Turns out she can. Jan 26, 2024 I made one stupid selfish comment to my wife a week or so ago and now my life is in disarray. My wife is in some crisis. Her work is closed and she’s being paid, but she’s home with our kids now, including one 3 year old. She gets breaks on Monday and Friday with childcare. We went into having kids knowing she wanted to be a working mother. So this has been an adjustment… to say the least. Onto the OG fight. She spent a long day with our kids and the neighboring kids, and when I came upstairs from work and she asked for a break, I didn’t respond well. I made excuses and didn’t offer help and for the first time in years my wife lost her temper and cursed at me. Like an idiot I dug in and thought I was right. I admit we both said some unkind things. But after reddit humbled me and she made me sit down and write a list of things I did for the family that day and compared it with her… longer list, I apologized. She accepted and I figured things would go back to normal. They haven’t. My wife used to include me in parenting our kids. I did dance pick up most weeks and bedtime was split. I gave baths. Made dinner. All the stuff. Since our fight, my wife hasn’t asked me for any help with the kids. The first morning I woke up on what was supposed to be my morning with the kids, I figured she was just being nice or trying to prove a point but it keeps happening. She didn’t even send them down to say good night last night. Normally my wife does this silly game where she sends my son to ask me to read 5 books and then we would negotiate down to 1 or 2 and race upstairs. Last night I heard her racing him and came up to find her doing bedtime yet again. The kids haven’t even noticed. It’s like she’s replacing me. When we were fighting I said something really really dumb that’s living inside me and festering. My wife was being nasty and said “you wouldn’t see the kids a quarter as much as you do if I didn’t arrange it and I’m done managing you.” I defended myself, I’m not an absent parent- and said something along the lines of “I’d like to see how long you can manage without me.” Consider my foot officially in my mouth. She’s started running again. She’s cooking really healthy and often. Every night I come home to my perfectly happy stepford wife, doing it all without me and I feel empty inside. How do I fix this? I don’t even know where to begin… at this point I want to beg her to go back to how things were. This wasn’t what we agreed on. RELEVANT COMMENTS UsuallyWrite2 I dunno…step up? Get involved without her organizing it or instructing you? Are you really this daft? OOP It’s difficult when they prefer her and she seems to do everything better then me. I work often as well. It helps to have her give me a heads up on the plan with the kids but I’m getting now that maybe that’s done and over with. LadyKlepsydra But he doesn't know what to dooo ;___; If she doesn't send the kid to him with an instruction of what books, and how many, are to be read, HOW is he supposed to know what to doooo? ;.; OP, that wasn't a silly game. That was a woman noticing you are never going to just go read your own kid a book, so she made it into a "game" for the child, so the child doesn't have to watch his mom come over to dad and say "please read him a book, for the love of god please!". Because that would give the kid an inkling that you are not doing it out of your own free will, and if not instructed, you would not do it ever, and that could be upsetting. OOP Ok. I admit. This hit me hard. Fuck man. Do you really think that’s what the game is? I hate that it makes sense to me OOP once again told to do more I’m fucking confused, ok? I had this perfect life with an amazing successful wife and a great job. We juggled two careers and two kids like champions, always communicating who is where, doing what activity. Working together to manage the American dream of doing it all. Then my wife’s job burns down and she’s home all the time doing everything. She gets stressed and we fight and now she’s totally different. Idgaf about warm meals and a stepford wife, I want MY wife. My partner. My teammate. And yes my FUCKING manager back! She was amazing. And now I managed to fuck it up like always by sticking my foot in my mouth. She’s still perfect only now I KNOW she’s not doing what she wants and that I have failed her in some way that seems to have broken her. Or maybe fixed her. Idk. Like I said. I’m confused and apparently an idiot. OOP when asked if maybe his wife wants an equal partner You won’t believe me anyways. I’ve been with my wife since we were kids- 15/16. I know this woman. She LOVED doing it all and she was amazing at it. She always bragged about being a working mom but she never put down woman that stayed home. Her mother was a stay at home mom that got married super young. My wife didn’t want that life. We used to joke about her earning more then me so I could stay home. She never complained about the kids schedule either. She did drop offs at daycare and I did pick ups. We had a rhythm and flow. I think not being home during the day with them made her soak in the time at night more than maybe I did. Idk. But I honestly think she was happy. OOP again explains his wife's work schedule My wife works with animals and makes her own schedule. She can schedule days off whenever so she is more flexible. She is home to take the kids into daycare and then I would pick them up and drop them at my moms and my wife would get them around 4. She does not need to work. I pay the majority of the bills. My wife’s job earns less, but that doesn’t make it less worthy. She actually effects the world. I just type at the computer all day and deal with air emissions. My wife works to pay for daycare. It’s her “big” expense. I do mortgage and everything else. She also uses her money to buy stuff. She has full access to my account and often transfers money when low. I do not have access to her account. It’s a personal boundary of my wives that she always have her own private money. I don’t need or want that myself so she manages most of the finances. My wife has traumas around being “stuck” as a homemaker and baby maker. OOP ADDS TO EDITS TO POST Edit: Fuck guys I get it. I’m a piece of shit. I’m going to make this right. Edit 2: thank you to the handful of people that reached out with advice. Believe it or not, I do want to be a good father and husband. I’ve royally fucked up and I see that and fully admit it. This is going to be my only edit and then I’m going to get off my phone for a while and focus my attention on my family. My wife had dinner cooked when I got home. Everything is fine between us so there wasn’t any tension. After we cleaned up I went upstairs and ran my wife a bath, put Taylor swift on her Alexa and lit a few candles. I told her to go relax upstairs for the night. She was surprised but smiled and went on her way. I’m currently on the toilet watching my kids take a bathe. People mentioned love bombing etc. but I’m just trying anything I can to show her I do appreciate and love her and our family and I want to be a present father. I’m going to do bedtime tonight and probably all next week. I’ll tell her she does so much during the day and deserves the break because it’s the truth. I get that I come off as an asshole. I grew up in a not great situation and didn’t have the best role models growing up. I’m terrified of my children not having enough and I overcompensate by working too much. This new job came with a big pay increase but the hours are longer and I feel like I can never keep up. I’ve reached out to a few recruiters tonight. I used to love my job and was always home by 4:30. Even if it means taking the lost income, I’m thinking about going back. Relationships are hard. And humans aren’t perfect. For all the people telling me my kids don’t love me and I’m a waste of space, idk guys, just remember I’m an actual person. That shits rough. Anyways that’s all I have for you folks. I need to watch these kiddos and start planning out my long road of groveling and reconnecting. Thanks all! OOP ADDED COMMENTS AFTER THE BORU WAS POSTED * Comment 1 Back on after a while and I see this comment right away. Thanks for asking. The update is slow moving. My wife and I had a few nights of talking and crying that have helped make us stronger. I know everyone hates me but I DO love my wife and had she ever expressed an unequal workload before this fight I would have put effort into learning about it and fixing it. As it stands, we agreed to therapy. My wife feelings like her reaction to our fight was out of her norm and wants to start her own therapy to help. I fully support that! I also do weekly therapy and find it helpful. Boy was this week fun for my therapist…. Anyways I looked deep into weaponized incompetence and unequal mental workloads and have come to realize I’m essentially another head to manage for my wife. We agreed to be partners in this life and somewhere along the line I lost that thread. She still claims she wants to manage our schedules but I don’t want to be that husband or father. I have always thought my wife was amazing and looked up to her WWAD (what would wife’s name do) is my motto. I want to be more like her so I need to learn how to manage myself and my time and my kids time without her help. I’ve asked to take on the parenting responsibilities 100%. I didn’t realize she needed to do so much shit. It’s been eye opening. Idk how long we will keep this up either. My wife isn’t the biggest fan of handing over the reigns. Reddits hate has lit a fire under my ass. Having so many outside people looking into the situation and simultaneously getting the ick from me has been humbling. Comment 2 I think I’m going to go with what my wife and I decided in terms of deciding what’s realistic or sincere. I wanted to see what it felt like to be 100% in control of everyone’s schedule and making sure to take care of it. It’s incredibly difficult to constantly be reminding myself of the time and who needs what and when but it’s also been humbling and rewarding. We both know it won’t last forever and we will get back to finding our new healthy medium. Things won’t go back to before and they won’t stay like this forever. But for now, I’m taking over doctors and school duty and when we sign up my son for kindergarten next year I’ll be doing all the work for that and making sure I’m fully involved in the things I missed with my daughter. I’m going to be a better dad and that’s just final. NEW UPDATE * OOP updated in the original post Feb 18, 2024 Update: 2/18 It’s been a minute since I bothered with Reddit, but when I logged in it seems some people care for an update. It’s not exciting. I’ve taken a lot of time to really LOOK at the man I’ve become. My wife and I are 100% back to being a team, but I’ve realized I wasn’t stepping up the way I always wanted to. I promised my wife a partnership and even though it’s been a month or so since our fight and my wife keeps asking me to “forget it happened”, I can’t. My therapist is helping me sort through my overthinking. My wife started therapy b/c of the stress losing her work (temporarily) and staying home has caused. Her issues appear to stem from feeling “useless” without bringing in a paycheck and was taking on too many tasks at home to overcompensate. She doesn’t feel like she deserves breaks and when she takes them she feels awful about herself and like she’s ‘lazy’. Coming from the LEAST lazy person I know, I can tell she’s struggling. And I’ve been supporting her the best I can. I often make sure she knows I think she deserves breaks. So when I see her hyper fixating on cleaning the floorboards I intervene gently by reminding her that this doesn’t need doing right now but that I will finish it for her while she does me a favor and takes a little break. Sometimes it works and other times she tells me to “stop fussing and leave her to work” and I do. It’s been working well and I don’t mind the extra work for the peace of mind it offers me. My wife is my everything and her happiness is paramount. My kids are mostly clueless to all this. We don’t involve them. And I must say, I made a throwaway comment about my wife not loving child rearing and received a lot of nasty comments about not having kids we don’t want. I’m weary to dignify this with a response but will say what I meant was that we agreed before having children that my wife would not be the sole support system for them and that she would never feel obligated to quit working. My wife is fiercely independent due to her past and a big part of her comfort in our relationship comes from her ability to leave it safely if she ever needed to. That trauma is hers and I won’t touch more on it other then to say I agreed to this aspect before we married and do not mind it. She SHOULD be an independent person. I’d want the same for my kids. So that’s basically it. I’ve taking on the role as primary parent. I get my kids to daycare/school and home and while my wife helps half the time, it’s now my responsibility to see who is doing what and coordinate things. I can’t do it all in my head like her but i have a chart that’s been helping. She rebelled at first but gave up the reigns surprisingly easily. She needed a break. I also put my son back in full time daycare although my wife keeps springing him early, I can tell she likes the break. That’s all I have for now. Thanks guys and sorry it’s not more dramatic. I know some of y’all wanted my balls and were hopeful my wife would leave me. While I would be lost without her and the thought makes me physically ill, it’s nice to see people appreciating my wife the way she deserves and stand up for her so fiercely. Thanks all! One last thing: I bought her this game PalWorld on the computer. She hasn’t gamed since having kids b/c of some pre-conceived conclusion it made her a bad parent but I insisted she spend a few hours and since I’d spent money, she did. I find her playing a lot to wind down when the day is over. It seems to be helping her feel more herself too. So thanks video games! I’ll stand for a lot of assumptions on my character- and boy have there been some nasty ones- but one thing I won’t take is people saying I don’t love my wife. She’s my person and it is my duty in life to make her happy. OOP Updated after the BoRU Thanks to u/KatLikeTendencies for finding the newest update Evolving.. Aug 4, 2025 I say evolving because I can’t say I’ve changed. It’s not been long enough for that. I posted a while ago on Reddit to vent. I was angry about a fight I’d had with my wife about something stupid I’d done. I’ll be honest, it was multiple stupid things. After a lot of… strong opinions on here and some heavy reflecting (I didn’t even know my kids doctors name) I had a perspective shift. I decided I wanted to be more involved. More of the primary parent. My wife agreed so start handing me the reigns starting with registering our son for kindergarten and all of my daughters activities. I work from home and am flexible and honestly enjoy being the one to get my kids on and off the bus. Now, I am the one they call when the kids are sick. Even when they do bother my wife she will call me because I’m closer and I’m free now. I am home room parent for my son this year. Bring the office ladies eggs. Got the background checks for volunteering. Shark shop from 11:30-12:40 is a perfect way to spend my Tuesday lunch break. The kids still prefer mom sometimes, but wow has it made a huge difference. So… if you can, dads, be the primary. It’s worth every second. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Our town has a children's museum. It's cute, full of activities from baby through 9 or so. The baby and toddler areas have gates that latch for obvious reasons. Well Karen decided she would use authority to have her toddler leave. So she opens the toddler gate and tells her child it's time to leave Now!. Well her kid doesn't move and clearly wants to stay and play. Instead of closing the gate, retrieving the toddler, and going on with life Karen decided to hold the gate open and start demanding her toddler listen. So of course other toddlers book it out and Karen continues to hold the gate open and does NOTHING to prevent this and just keeps yelling at her kid. Instant chaos as parents and a grandparent scramble out to catch the escaped tots. Toddlers are running to open elevators, to balconies, into the managers office, and my child was booking it towards the stairs. I am about to catch her when she ducks into the art room (messy but safe) and I notice a toddler nearly to the stair landing (which are 2 story and stone) glance quickly and see Granma going as fast as she can but nowhere near fast enough so I leave my kid to her painty fate and snatch up "Darius" and deliver him to a grateful Granma. I hear a Dad say CLOSE the GATE as he has one twin in surfboard meltdown and another has just booked it out of the gate towards me and the paint room. This Karen then yells at him that it's not her job to watch his kids she's got 3 kids of her own to handle! She is still holding open the gate. I'm acting as a Shepard of sorts between the toddlers and the stairs. Paint is everywhere with unsupervised tots not wearing their paint proof smocks going hogwild. (Apparently my daughter's favorite color is yellow). With this sudden chaos a manager came to see what was happening and 2 Dad's point to Karen who finally picked up her child and shut the gate. Karen then tells the manager how she felt UNSAFE because the dad who yelled close the gate. And demands action. By then I head over Yellow Gremlin in arms as all the tots are corraled and me and Granma back up the Dad's and say how irresponsible her behavior was. Karen then launches into a tirade about how it's not her job to watch all of our children. The manager tells her she is banned and she starts screaming so security gather her and her 3 kids and march them out. I feel bad for her children but honestly girl how entitled do you have to be? A simple - I'm sorry I froze when the kids ran out. I wasn't thinking straight. Literally anything but SHE wanted to act like SHE was a victim of "unsafe" after releasing half a dozen toddlers into dangerous situations. Edit to add: I've had a few women named Karen reach out to me and explain the vitriol they have experienced just for having that name. From doctors to waiters to complete strangers, they are instantly maligned. I believe the stories of the women reaching out to me so personally, I am done using Karen as a short hand for an entitled person behaving poorly and demanding a manager. submitted by /u/SeraphimSphynx to r/EntitledPeople [link] [comments]

I’m talking covering the kitchen cabinets in painter’s tape and letting them happily peel away while you prep your produce for the week. Painting the sidewalk with water. Handing them a fresh pack of Post-it notes and letting them go nuts. Give me the stupid shit for my 23 month old. Bonus points specifically for Dollar Store vibe hacks. The constant rainy weekends are starting the kill me and we can’t keep putting off the to do list solely to entertain her. We’ve tried including her, but she is a little too chaotic still to be super helpful. Sometimes she helps wipe down lower cabinets while I clean and will also go to town with a dustpan and brush but that’s about the extent of her helpfulness tbh. Otherwise the combination of mom, dad, and very likely someday her ADHD all just implode on each other. Sometimes distraction is simply the better option. EDIT TO ADD: I… knew my kid was feral, but I think a new understanding of just how feral she is dawned on me. I truly don’t mind a mess to clean up — we’re used to that. But I’m honestly awed and envious at some of the stuff y’all’s kiddos will do happily without too much chaos that my gremlin will absolutely turn nuclear in .03 seconds. I think the spectrum of necessary damage control is just so much wider than I even imagined 😂😂😂 Ex: bucket of water to play in will INSTANTLY get dumped on her head. Bowl of pasta will INSTANTLY get thrown in the air. Toddler tower to the sink to help with dishes turns into climbing the cabinets. No matter how many times we try. No amount of redirection or discussion about what is/is not appropriate is sinking in just yet if she’s got a mind to do it. SOS. But please keep them coming! Definitely some good suggestions here, and maybe some stuff we should give another chance! submitted by /u/Ok-Armadillo-161 to r/toddlers [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/deadacre Husband has a new chosen family he prioritizes and sees every week, I’m jealous and frustrated TRIGGER WARNING: Fears of infidelity, possible neglect MOOD SPOILER: starts frustrating and ends positive Original Post - rareddit Oct 15, 2022 My husband (“John”) and I are mid-30s and together 8 years. We’ve been through a lot of big life stressors. It has strained our marriage and we’ve worked hard in 2 yrs of marriage counseling to rebuild. I’m now 8 months pregnant. I’m feeling vulnerable, huge, hormonal, and tired —- I’m the primary earner and workload has been a lot on top of baby prep. I’m normally a very rational, independent, and sort of non-emotive person. I’ve never been jealous before. ….But my husband has a new female friend “Pam” and I’m now jealous and possessive. Even I find it weird. Pam is mid-twenties, white, has my husband’s preferred physical features, is bubbly, spontaneous, in an open relationship, and into the same hobbies as my husband - I have my own qualities, but I’m pretty much the opposite. John met Pam and liked her immediately - I remember him coming home and telling me how cool she was and he’d been invited to a hobby event she hosts with her partners. He’s been attending that every other weekend for a year. Then a few months later he also wanted me to get to know Pam so we’ve started having her and her partner Kevin over with some of our other friends on the in between weekends so my husband sees them every weekend. To be fair, Pam and Kevin have been really nice and are good friends to John. But there are things I’ve noticed - Pam always sits next to John, she and John say “love you” casually to each other with the group, John is very protective of Pam, and he remembers things she likes and buys her gifts (nothing pricey, but thoughtful). If for some reason one of these events is cancelled John is noticeably sad. Going even a week without seeming them is hard for him. Because of these weekend commitments we don’t do date nights and rush other activities.If I have other plans then we split up and don’t see each other. We’re discussing in counseling but can’t come to an agreement. Our counselor facilitates but doesn’t give direct guidance. I’ve shared that it feels like he’s prioritizing this relationship over our own. That I hate that these standing “date nights” with Pam and her partners trump our own. That he’s not keeping up with commitments to me or the baby — and I’m managing with my own support network of family and paid help, but at 8 months along I need help. That this needs to change. He’s shared that Pam and her partners are part of his new chosen family since he’s had to move away from his family because of me. That I said it was okay for him to spend this time with them and I can’t just change my mind - that it’s unfair. That he’s willing to spend more time with me but then something else needs to give (either chores for him or me adjusting my work schedule). That he thinks I’m overly sensitive and am only worried because Pam’s relationships are open and my insecurities are something I should deal with in individual therapy. I’m really not sure what a compromise looks like and counseling seems to just cause us to entrench more. Wondering what advice anyone out there might have? TLDR: My husband has a new “chosen family” including a woman I’ve become jealous of (maybe unfairly) who my husband sees every weekend. I’m also hugely pregnant and hormonal. Therapist says we should figure out a compromise. RELEVANT COMMENTS sqitten How do you plan to handle the new upcoming baby? Have you discussed what your schedule will look like then? Since he is going to need to spend a lot of time caring for the child and your schedules will need to change. It seems like the thing to do is to start fresh and decide what things are going to look like once the baby is born. Since you are the primary earner, he should be the primary caregiver, and you both will have less time for socializing. OOP We’re going to take a break from social commitments for 2 months and then reevaluate, but he’s likely to want to continue to see them at least every other weekend. The compromise to take care of the baby is he’s going to stop working to care for baby M-F, 1 weekend day for our family, and 1 weekend day with Pam & crew for their hobby. I’ve said in counseling this doesn’t seem reasonable. I’m running out of options — debating calling my husband’s dad at this point (who I’m close with and will eb on my side), but husband will probably lose it if I bring in his dad. ~ [deleted] She's in an open marriage and they say love you to each other in public? He's cheating on you. How does he defend this in therapy? OOP He says it just means “love you” in a generic casual way and when they say it they mean it to everyone in the group. He says it’s the same as when he says “love you” to male friends he is close with and I shouldn’t read too much into it. I’ve never said love you to a male friend — even only rarely to female friends [deleted] Did you tell him it makes you uncomfortable? OOP I think my exact words were “its weird and I hate it” while crying — 2nd trimester was a fun time. He chalked it up to hormones and we never spoke about it again. I haven’t heard them say it in front of me again, but who know what they text or say when they’re together. --theVoid-- You're pregnant with his child? If his deadbeat-ass wants to go have a new family, tell him to enjoy that, and take him to the cleaners for child support. These gaming nights, is it Dungeons and Dragons or something similar? Watch a youtube channel called Neckbeardia. Get a sobering laugh from listening to the stories of sexual debauchery that tend to happen in those gatherings. Your husband does not want to be with you anymore, he isn't sexually attracted to you anymore. You married a child who wants to play with others instead of taking care of his offspring. Guys like this make me want to vomit. OOP Ding ding ding - dungeons and dragons with MtG for good measure. ~ mamamietze Have you talked to Pam to find out what he's been telling her? I'm disappointed that she hasn't clued in to put a stop to it, but he could be lying to her. After all you have been part of this social circle too. Is she friendly with you too? I would explain that he's been behaving in ways towards her and in private with you that make you very uncomfortable and you'd rather communicate openly with her about it. It will give you a better read on it. And best case scenario it may very well put a stop to it if he has been misleading her. OOP I only see Pam in a group setting along with other friends and she’s now been introduced to my friend group. We’re socially nice to each other, but definitely not close enough to talk directly to each other. And to be honest…neither of us really likes the other. We’re very, very different people. Update May 23, 2025 It’s been a while since- our little boy is 2.5 now. Thank you to everyone who commented - it was the kick in the butt I needed to lay down the law. Esp the folks that rightly pointed out I was a passive doormat without self respect — that stung but was true. After my post, I had a big sit down with John on my the things I was upset about. My husband was traveling to be a groomsman for a good friend — I told him to stay out there for an additional week and decide: if he wanted to stay married and wanted to be a family If he wanted the above, think about what needed to change on his part (not just Pam but other stuff too), how he was going to be a good husband/father going forward Arrange to go over it with me and our marriage counselor on his return Alternatively, if he didn’t do the above then when he got back we’d start logistics on separation and co-parenting. And surprisingly, he did all the above. Apparently he reflected a lot at the wedding (his friend and his wife are such an in love couple) and thought a lot about us and our relationship and what he wanted. He came back and proposed changes (immediate break from Pam/company and stop to their hobby — he’d play some dnd / mtg online but that was it), he’d take over remaining baby prep (nursery, logistics), and promised to lay out a post-partum care plan for me and baby. He stuck to his word and also worked hard to regain my trust. Then we had our son and my husband was over the moon in love. He and baby have been inseparable ever since and have an amazing adventure filled life with all the hobbies (baby/toddler swim, gym, soccer, co-op, and a great local parent community). After our kiddo was born Pam lost interest in my husband anyway (she doesn’t like kids) and shortly thereafter cheated on her poly relationship. Kevin and John have actually become good friends since then, but John is straight so I have no worries there. And as I’ve reflected — I think I also just actually hated Pam — she’s everything I don’t like relying on men for affirmation, no job/life ambition, frivolous and stupid. And apparently (according to Kevin) the feeling was mutual - she thought I was a controlling, stuck up, robotic ivy league workaholic who didn’t appreciate or support my husbands hobbies/quirks. I was also a lot more emotiobal during pregnancy than normal. My husband- upon reflection liked being needed and admired We had a lot to work through with us, but two years later we’re in a great spot (I also had a weird shift in hormones post-partum which made my sex drive really really high which for us helped a lot with our relationship). Didn’t want this to be too long, but there were a lot of changes we implemented to get back to a loving place. John feels a lot of purpose in being a dad and supported me as my career has taken off. Sometimes things are still hard (my job is really high stress, toddlers are a lot of work, etc). But we’re pretty happy. We spent this morning snuggling in bed with our toddler and dog pretending we were on a boat, making hair dryer sounds, and giving hugs. We live a pretty boring suburban kind of life - but it works for us. Thanks everyone for the push for me to stand up for what I wanted and needed. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

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