Fathers Day Card

... in the afternoon the next day. She would be staying at... the tenants of our founding fathers, with some changes. You need... also gave her a debit card for her to pick up...

... money for our mothers and fathers now they will fall for... even serve you one full day. We know say na poverty... need to get our voters card and be reasonable to vote...

I redeemed gift Amazon gift Fathers Day cards to my account then they show up in my account a then is 0 0 0 . 0 balance on 06-16 or further days Loss: $175 Preferred solution: Information about my redeem gift card money

... (they just took my credit card a couple hours ago), and.... Regardless of any time of day. Do these people just live... course forgetting the commandment for fathers to not exasperate their children ... The VAST majority of C4C card were absolute pieces of shit ...

...,i really hope one day you could understand this ... Son simply expressingout the Fathers words Deu 18:18 which ...also deemed as the Fathers spirit, figurativelyas are our words...word of His power". (Fathers words) Living Speech: Christ acts ... to, is the Fathers words being expressed out of ...to Him expressing the Fathers words. So much for your ...got this created Trump card by ADDING and non Biblical ...

Never received a Blanton bourbon oak wood topper holder that I ordered on 5-31-26! I do not want it anymore! It was a Fathers Day gift for my son! Youre too late! You have charged my Crefdit Card, and I want an immediate refund for $48.80 from 5-31-26! Please get back to me ASAP! User's recommendation: Not to shop with you!

A nice change of pace trying to win big sweeps! A $100 Fathers Day gift card to a local restaurant was won be me last week!

... a Mister Multisystem 2 for Fathers Day to which I have only... I can have local (SD Card) for my favs, and then...

...of June already with Midsummer day already fading into my ... of 44C the other day…absolutely not for me ...Cornerstone held a gathering one day, as it was volunteers ...a lovely day celebrating Fathers Day. He spent a very happy day eating ...can see…and the credit card has been hit hard ...had this month…that Father’s day gift I mentioned earlier ...was one of the best Fathers Day gifts ever I’m going ...

...with potential who could one day conquer the division, especially ...the top of the AEW card, but it was apparent early... of time. Just one day Sting shows up and everyone’s...WWE with his whole Rusev Day thing, Rusev got stuck ...to reminding wrestlers that their fathers are dead while occasionally hitting...had been hoping for since day one, but there were ... stance on top the card. He just might have a...

... of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophetsâ... faithful to God – Truth!!! Card. Müller. Al Sinodo, le.../it/2025/10/12/cardinale-muller-il-sinodo-della-sinodalita-cerca-di-trasformare-la-chiesa-in-unistituto-mondana/ Card. Müller. At the Synod... prayers of the Rosary every day. WITH THE ROSARY, PRAY FOR... answering you on this special day. You speak to me of...

... Pennsylvania. He handed me a card and said 'safe journey'. Whoah... a thank you and for fathers day. Talk about life changing, I ...

... Fathers Day and I told him to just get me an Amazon Gift Card... to use my Amazon Gift Card for the purchases. GETTING OLD... buy with my $75 gift card I ended up getting: More...

... Father’s Day. As they grew up, they wrote nice warm messages in the card... will keep growing up. Older fathers told me that when their ... understand why we celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, because they help us live... lives. Have a meaningful Father’s Day!

... not my daughter celebrate father's day with me. quote: I (... had any big plans for Fathers Day (feeling stupid right after saying... kids for our traditional father's day dinner at a nice restaurant... made me a (almost) father's day card. Everything seems to go great. ...and step father" on father's day, eh? OP did nothing wrong... Morgan making him a not-quite-a-father's day card e: Also, regarding the Gap...

... and a card wallet. Hope that all the fathers had a great Father's Day. We had... filet and ribeyes, crab legs, mash potatoes and green beans: Day... before Father's Day Nichole was in another lil ... telling me how useful in day to day life it is. I'd not ...

... the mother in laws birthday, Fathers day etc. Shouldn't have had 5... had any joy with his card but at the time he...

Good Evening! Another hot day here (high of 101), and ... any who celebrated Father's Day with your Fathers/husbands/sons, etc. had... a nice day. I heard from... my SIL who enjoyed his card and...

Happy Father's Day to all the great fathers. This is my first Father's Day with my beautiful baby girl. My awesome wife got me a PlayStation gift card so I'm debating if I should save it for Madden or get 007.

Daily Mail posted about her horrendous Father’s Day card 👏 submitted by /u/Altruistic_Light_448 to r/InfluencerLounge [link] [comments]

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I (44m) have known Morgan (19f) since she was a baby. Her mother (43f) and I were friends in high school. Her dad took off back to Mexico shortly after she was conceived and hasnt been heard from since. Her mother and I hung out occasionally until about 5 years ago when she got with a guy who she quickly married and is heavy into drugs. Morgan was sent off to live with her grandmother. She rarely sees her mother and stepfather. ​ Morgan and I reconnected when she invited me to her graduation party. Since then, I've helped her with figuring out her finances, getting a car, apartment and registered for college classes. We don't see eachother often but she knows I'm always just a phone call away. ​ I ran into her yesterday at the grocery store and just making small talk I accidentally asked if she had any big plans for Fathers Day (feeling stupid right after saying it knowing her situation). She laughed and said I was about the only thing that ever resembled a father in her life. ​ So i thought why not and invited her out with my wife and 2 teenage kids for our traditional father's day dinner at a nice restaurant. She quickly accepted the invite. ​ This evening we had a great dinner had some laughs and treated her like she was one of the family. She even made me a (almost) father's day card. Everything seems to go great. ​ Later tonight her mother started blowing up my phone telling me what a terrible person I am (in much harsher words) and pretty much every name in the book saying what a sick person i am for playing pretend and messing with her daughters emotions and she has a real father and step father and I'm neither of those. ​ So AITAH? submitted by /u/Otherwise_Cash6832 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

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I (29F) have been with my husband for 13 years. We currently have a two-year-old son, and I’m about five months pregnant with our second. Two weeks before Father’s Day, I started asking him what he wanted to do so I could plan accordingly. He said he didn’t want to do anything except have me make his favorite food, birria. I agreed and started planning to get all the ingredients on Friday or Saturday so I could have everything ready for Sunday. When I asked him again what he wanted to do, since birria isn’t really an activity, he mentioned that his family was doing something at his sister’s house (she recently gave birth) around noon. He said he didn’t want to go but didn’t know what he wanted to do, and he became irritated when I kept asking. I asked him again two days before, and it was the same thing. I didn’t push it. Saturday came, and I went grocery shopping while he was at work. I bought all the ingredients, flowers, balloons, and a card. I even got cake mix to make a cake with our son. When he got home, I asked him to put our son to sleep so I could prep the birria for the next day, since I planned to start cooking at 7 a.m. I finished prepping around 9 p.m. The following day, Father’s Day, I got up to make the birria and cook breakfast. My toddler woke up around the same time and threw a tantrum while I was preparing everything. I was prepared to take care of him if my husband wanted to sleep in. All I asked was that he change his diaper. He stayed in bed while the baby cried, and I decided, no big deal, I’d change him quickly myself. When I walked into the room, he told me he wanted to go to the beach for Father’s Day. I instantly got annoyed because I hadn’t planned for the beach at all, so I didn’t have anything ready. He also didn’t seem motivated, considering he was dragging his feet just to change a diaper. I told him no because I felt like I would be the one getting everything ready, and it felt like an overwhelming task. Meanwhile, our toddler was still crying. He eventually changed his diaper, and I gave him breakfast, but he didn’t want to eat, so my husband took him outside. I went out and told him that if we wanted to go to the beach, he would have to help me get everything ready since he had decided he wanted to go that same morning after I had repeatedly asked him what he wanted to do. He said he didn’t want to do anything anymore and not to worry about it, but he seemed irritated for the rest of the day. P.S I made him breakfast as well and he didn’t eat it. He says he appreciates me because I’m upset and I told him I feel unappreciated but I’m quite frustrated. AITA? More info: I told him he could go fishing or hang out with his friends he could do whatever he wants he just said he would rather spend it with us which is sweet! I also live an hour from the beach in New England which gets busy on Father’s Day with traffic submitted by /u/Chantelthegoddess to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

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Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/UVpnhKzfZh I took the advice from many and talked to my husband. To sum it up: I told him that I was hurt. I felt like he was not holding up his side of the bargain when it came to holidays (all holidays, not just mothers day) that I want more celebration, and I have needs that are not being met. After I let all my feelings out; he apologized. He didn't get upset or gaslight me. He just said, "Sorry, that I hurt you." Which I did appreciate. I could tell that he was actually sorry. He reminded me that he does love me, even though he's not alway good at showing me in the way I need. We talked more about specifics. I brought up an idea, that I think will make us both happy. That from here on out with EVERY holiday we will do stuff for ourselves. Basically if he wants to do something for Fathers day HE has to make it happen (and it will be on him if nothing happens). If I want to do something for my birthday I will make it happen. That way; we loose the guessing game and everyone gets the day they want. He said he is more than happy with this plan as long as I am happy with it. He said, "You tend to go all out with birthdays, gifts, and holidays but I'm just not really into that." And that he would rather just have a chill day to celebrate himself (play video games or go for a hike). As for myself; I DO like going all out, which is what I was expecting from him. But I'm now realizing that he could never live up to the standards that I have in my head. If I want the "perfect" day (perfect as in: exactly how I imagined it in fantasy land) then I will just have to plan it myself. I am 100% okay with our new arrangement. I am happy that I will not have to put time and effort into things that wont be appreciated. I told him that I still would like flowers spontaneously, though. To which He happily agreed (BUT he wanted to know how often I would want them). I told him once a month I would like flowers; any day of the month, but I feel like once a month is a good amount. He agreed and picked one random day from each month to put in his calendar. (Days which I will not know until they come) (((EDIT: This doesn't mean that we won't be involved in celebrating each other. We have to be a part of whatever the other person asks of us. So, if I wanted him to watch the kids while I got get a massage, I would just ask him to and his answer has to be yes. And it works both ways (within limits, consent is obviously still a thing). AND if he doesn't do anything for himself, I will not be doing anything (other than getting him a gift) since it is now his responsibility. BUT we are both still responsible for each other's gifts. He will get gifts for me and I for him. We just have to plan our own days. And as far as our two kids go; celebrating our kids has never been an issue. We have always been able to work together well in order to make our kids feel special. The rules for the in-laws; He is responsible for his side of the family, and I am responsible for mine (of course we will both be involved to some degree, like signing cards, calling them, or coming to events for them). In other words, there will be lots of rules in place to make sure we are both happy and that it is fair. And yes, we are looking into therapy. He said he will make mothers day up to me, and we can do something when we get paidon Thursday. He asked what I wanted to do, and I told him that I wantedto go thrifting with him and get a new outfit. He said, "huh, I would have never thought of that, but of coursewe can do that." I am actuall, really excited about it! He even brought his mom flowers and planned a dinner with her to make it up to her. Also, try to remember that this plan was my idea, not his.))) I hope this new plan works out. As this will be my last update, I'd like to thank you all for your advice and opinions on my life, lol. Live long and prosper. Peace 😛 submitted by /u/Questionmarkkkkkkkkk to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

My husband (28M) and I (23F) have been married for 4 years and we have two children; a 3 year old, and a 4 month old. We have had many discussions over the years about how I would like him to do more on holidays (specifically my birthday and mother's day) as I feel he has lacked effort when it comes to them. This year on my birthday was the first time I had seen him show any real effort. He bought flowers, surprised me with cheesecake, and mini golf, and even wrote a lovely card. I was ecstatic! But mother's day rolled around (which I reminded him of several times) and I was expecting something, anything. But nothing came. I had booked a hair appointment myself, which got canceled. I wanted to sleep in, but couldn't because the baby woke up early. There was no card, no flowers, nothing. We did get coffee, that I was greatful for (but we do that every Sunday) So, I asked if he could at least clean the house and give me a massage. He agreed, but it never happened. The worst part of all (though I reminded him to) he didn't do anything for his own mother. Even my 3 year old picked me flowers from the yard. Anyway, father's day is coming up and I am thinking about doing nothing for him in return. Important information: his excuse for not doing things has always been that; "his love language is not gift-giving nor acts of service, so its just not something he thinks about." So... maybe if its not something he cares about, he wont mind if I do nothing? EDIT: of course I will still have the kids do something for him, he is their father after all. However, I myself would not be partaking. EDIT 2: for those asking; Yes I have been doing things for him. Over the past 5 years I have given him lots of "physical touch", planned surprise parties, taken him on vacations, bought him expensive gifts or thoughtful gifts, ect. ALL for his birthday, father's day, and holidays. But I never received anything back unless I get it for myself. And he seems REALLY grateful for everything I do but says "he doesn't care about gifts" This is not meant to be revenge or "tit for tat" its simply: if he says he does not care about the things that I do for him; why should I keep doing them? So, WIBTA for doing nothing for my husband on Fathers day? submitted by /u/Questionmarkkkkkkkkk to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

For the most part I had a truly lovely Mother’s Day. Husband handled our toddler and I got to sleep in. He got me flowers and helped our daughter sign a card. It was just a nice day. Then during bedtime daughter started crying saying her ear hurt. Husband has to leave at 5 am for a business trip. Awesome. We give her Tylenol to keep her comfortable through the night and she thankfully falls asleep pretty quickly. While husband is packing for his trip I’m on hold with our pediatrician. Foolishly opened up Facebook messenger while I was waiting to find this message waiting for me in my inbox. “With great displeasure I unwish you the most unhappy bad mother's Day but I wish you all the most bitter tears for years to come that you and your heartless behavior did for the mother of your stupid husband. Karma is a bitch.” For context, we are estranged from my husband’s parents. His father is just…kinda a nightmare of a human being and Husband’s mother enables it because family. We have tried so hard over many years to improve things, set reasonable boundaries (like “hey maybe don’t call your son an idiot?”) and ultimately we just had to step away. I tried to mediate as much as I could but once my daughter came into the picture I realized protecting her was more important than my in-law’s comfort. Thought I had them blocked on everything but apparently not. I haven’t responded because there is nothing I can say that will make anything better for anyone. I’m just home with my two dogs (best boys) and a sick toddler and my husband is too far away and I’m just. Sad. About the whole situation. And angry. I’m eating the leftover baked beans that won’t fit in my kid’s lunchbox for dinner. Like a gremlin. submitted by /u/A_First_Pancake to r/GirlDinnerDiaries [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/CounterNecessary2597 Originally posted to r/AITAH Previous BoRUs: #1 [New Update]: AITAH For not planning anything for father’s day after my husband ruined my first mother’s day NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Editor’s note: removed older relevant comments for more space in this latest BoRU Mood Spoilers: unexpectedly positive RECAP Original Post: June 16, 2025 I'm 98.7% sure that I am not the AH here, but I'm wrong I'm willing to admit it and learn from my mistakes. Our little boy will be one late this summer, so this was the first mothers day and fathers day for both me and my husband. My husband asked what I wanted for mothers day. I didn't want/need anything big or expensive. What I asked for is: For husband to get up with the little guy and get him fed while I pumped and chilled Breakfast in bed - just toast, scrambled eggs and coffee For us to take the little guy to the zoo for the first time. This was the main thing I was looking forward to. Go to my fav taco place for dinner Between morning and afternoon naps we have about 4 hours of awake time. The zoo is abt 30 min away so I had figured if we left as soon as he got up from his nap and ate, we'd have a couple hours at the zoo and worst case he could sleep in the car on the way home. We took my mom and my MIL out to brunch the prior weekend to celebrate them- his mom on Saturday and my mom on Sunday. I also got them each a thoughful little present and flowers to celebrate their first mothers day as grandparents. I arranged everything and told my mom and MIL that we'd be celebrating on the actual day with just our little family and sent them a group chat (which included husband, my dad and FIL) just to make sure everyone is on the same page. My MIL is very pushy and overbearing so I didn't want there to be any surprises or confusion. The Saturday before Mother's Day, FIL sent my husband a text with a picture of all the mulch he just had delivered and said something like "gonna be a busy weekend!" or something like that. Apparently he had 300 bags of mulch (they have a big yard with lots of flower beds). That night my MIL called my husband and asked him to come over first thing in the morning to help his dad move the bags of mulch to where they were going to be used. She said since we weren't going to the zoo until after little guy's nap, that husband could go over and help for a couple hours and then come pick us up to go to the zoo. I was obviously not happy but she guilted him and said FIL was going to end up hurting himself if he moved all that by himself and that its not a big deal and should only take an hour or two. I told him his mom was doing this to try and get us to skip our plans and spend the day with them but he kept saying it's not a big deal, saying his mom promised it would only take a couple hours, etc etc. I think most people know what happened - husband went over first thing, which means no breakfast in bed and I had to get up to feed the little guy. I was kinda pissed, but whatever. Spent time with the little guy then when he went down for his morning nap I texted my husband to let him know he should start wrapping things up. Then when little guy woke up 2hrs later I called husband to tell him I'd be ready to go as soon as I finished feeding the little guy. He told me it was taking longer than he expected but that he'd hurry. Like an hour and a half later husband called and said they weren't done but he was getting ready to come home. It's 15-20 minute drive from MIL/FILs house. At that point we'd missed the window to make it to zoo so I told him to just stay there and finish and not worry about Mothers Day since he hadn't done a single thing I asked for. I don't think there wasy any doubt in his mind how pissed I was. A little later his mom called and said since we decided not to go to the zoo, that me and little guy should go hang out with her while "the boys" finished with the mulch. I admit that I was pretty pissy and told her I had no interest in spending time with the people who decided to ruin my first mothers day. I ended up staying home and ordering a pizza and binging Netflix. When husband got home he was all apologetic and asked how he could make it up. I was still pissed and told him he could make it up by not ruining my first mothers day. I also told him he should plan on spending Fathers Day with his mom and dad bc me and the little guy were going to go celebrate Fathers Day with my mom and dad. Since Mother’s Day MIL has been texting and calling but I've been keeping conversations short and just giving very bland generic responses. My husband has been apologizing and asking what he can do but honestly I don't want to bother. I know it's just a day and we can celebrate any time, like we did with my mom & MIL. But it was my first ever Mothers day. And it's not like I asked for anything expensive or difficult. The only difficult thing is he's incapable of setting boundaries with his mom. And she's incapable of considering anyones feelings but her own. This past Saturday he asked if I was still going to my parents then said he'd like to go with us. I told him he could do whatever he wanted but since I hadn't done anything for his dad he might want to go see him or something. We did both end up going to my parents and spending the day with them. It was actually a nice day. My dad insisted on grilling because of course he did but the weather ended up being nice and we spent a lot of time hanging out on their deck playing with the little guy. I'm not sure what if anything my husband did for his dad. I know he was getting a lot of texts during the day, I assume from his mom. She did send me a snippy text saying it was hurful to spend the day with my family at the expense of husbands but I told her she got to spend Mothers day with her baby boy so it's only fair that I spend Fathers day with my family. I know my husband was hurt that we didn't acknowledge him for Fathers Day but I told him while we were driving to my parents house that I'm just matching his energy. I admit that I haven't done anything to de-escalate the drama but I'm still just so hurt he continues to prioritize his mom's feeling over our little family. This isn't the first time his mom has done crap like this and I'm just so tired of it. She always oversteps and insists on doing what SHE wants. I'm doing better at keeping her at arms length and holding my own boundaries but my husband is absolutely incapable of it. EDITED to fix a typo AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA   Update #1: June 23, 2025 (six days later) I posted here last week, you can find it in my profile if you want the backstory. I wanted to thank everyone. I've had a lot of people asking for an update, so here we go. This weekend the husband and I sat down and talked about everything. I expressed to him how incrediably upset and disappointed I was at how both Mother's Day and Father's Day went down. I really wanted to recognize and celebrate my husband for FD everybit as much as I hoped he would recognize and celebrate me for MD. He said he knew he shouldn't have gone to his parents on MD but didn't know what to do since his mom was pressuring him and saying if his dad got hurt it would be husbands fault. He admitted that he knew he messed up and has been terrified that I was going to ask for a divorce. Since he cut to the chase, I told him that if this is how our life is going to be, I don't want to stay married to him. I explained to him that I realized that while yes, I was upset about what happened on Mother's Day, that isn't what is making me feel this way. That was just the straw the broke the camels back. This kind of behavior from his mom has been happening since we before got engaged and has just escalated. This has been happening for YEARS. As someone here suggested, I had listed all the times/events (that I could remember) that she had overstepped or just completely ruined. For our freaking honeymoon, she called him TWICE A DAY. Every monrning to find out our plans for the day and then every evening to hear how the day went. Plus the constant texting, asking for pictures, telling him how much she missed him. I don't know how I thought this was acceptable. She tried to make our wedding about herself, tried to make my pregnancy about herself, tried to take over when we brought our son home, just constantly inserting herself and overstepping. I told him that I don't really want to get divorced right now, but it's going to happen anyway, I'd rather get divorced now while we can still do it amicably. Because if nothing changes I'm going to end up so angry and resentful that it would make divorce very contentious and I don't want that for our son. At this point we were both crying, upset and emotional. So I told him that I'll give him some time to decide what he's going to do but if I don't see clear effort being made to start prioritize me and our son that I'd move forward with the divorce. And the change has to continue. Everytime we've fought about this in the past, he's promised he'll change and sometimes he has, but then his mom pulls him back into her orbit. If we are to stay married - these are some of the things I'm insisting on in no particular order: We each own the relationship with our own parents. That means I'm not planning anything for his parents anymore. No cards, no presents, no burnches or parties, no pictures, nothing. If his parents reach out to me I'm going to redirect them to him. I'm not entertaining or visiting with his parents when he's not around. I'm not taking our son over to theirs by myself. And if they "drop by" I'm not inviting them in unless my husband is there. I'm not changing my plans at the last minute just because they decided to drop by without coordinating with us in advance or because they want us to do something with them. Neither of us makes plans with our parents or accepts invitations until we discuss with our partner. And if we don't both agree the we don't do it. And we don't throw each other under the bus, we just say something like "we checked our schedule and we're not available". Holiday's like Christmas, Halloween, Easter, etc are at our house. We can discuss inviting our parents but we're not going to someone else house to celebrate something involving our son when we can do it at home. This includes his 1st bday which MIL is trying to take over and plan. Other holidays we're alternate between our parents. And we will focus on being present. That means no more texting/talking to his mom non-stop when we're with my parents. No more oversharing with MIL. She doesn't need to know about our finances or health/medical issues or vacation plans or anything unless we both agree its something we want to share. His visits to his parents can't be at the expense of spending quality time with me and our son. I don't mind him visiting his parents, but he's over there a couple times a week. We are his immediate family now, we should get priority. We're not doing things just because she said we should. And we're not changing our plans just because she doesn't like them. She really doesn't understand that "Wrong" and "Different" are not the same thing. In her mind, if we're not doing what she wants, HOW she wants, then we are in the wrong. He needs to go to therapy with someone specializing in enmeshment. And we need to start going to couples therapy. I didn't even realize I have so much pent-up resentment that I can't look at my husband the same anymore. I'm just angry at him all the time and I hate being this way. When it comes to our son, our word (husband and me) is law. If she disregards or minimizes our decisions for our son, then she loses access until she learns to behave. When me or my husband say "No" to either set of parents, the other person will support them and back them up. That means my husband has to stop trying to get me to agree with his mom all the time. I can tell he's freaked out and really stressed about the idea of putting hard boundaries in place or distancing from his parents. And I do feel for him. He said he feels like he's caught between a rock and a hard place and that me and his mom are both putting a ton of pressure on him and both have conflicting expectations. And that's fine. He just needs to understand that I'm not tolerating this anymore. I know this will cause an absolute shit storm with his parents but I feel like if we don't do it now, it'll just be harder down the road. What does everyone think? Am I being unreasonable? Are there other boundaries we should put in place?   ----NEW UPDATE---- Update #2: September 2, 2025 (2.5 months later) UPDATE 2: AITAH For not planning anything for fathers day after my husband ruined my first mothers day I've had a lot of folks asking for an update, so here goes! First off, thank you all to everyone who commented on my earlier posts, good and bad, it has been so helpful. Couple things I want to mention first. A lot of commenters have been saying that I knew what I was getting into when I married DH so this whole thing is as much my fault as anyone elses and if I didn't want a mama's boy, I shouldn't have married one. Yep, you are 100% correct. I ignored all the red flags, constantly told myself it would get better once we were engaged, then once we were married, then once we got pregnant, then once we had kids. And I think part of the issue is she's gotten worse over the years. It feels like one of those frog-in-a-pot-of-boiling-water situations. I don't deny I put myself into this situation but the fact is we're here now so we need to get it figured out. A lot of other commentors said my "list of rules" was crazy and I'm just as bad as his mom. Maybe I am (more on that later), but I don't think there is anything about my boundaries that is unreasonable and there is nothing there that I expect from him and his parents that I don't also expect from myself and my parents. I've said repeatedly, they all boil down to the same basic thing: showing each other respect and consideration. I'm not saying he can't see his parent or that they can't come visit or anything like that. I'm saying that his parents don't get to have priority over us and our little family, and neither do my parents. First the good. My husband ended up surprising me with a trip out of town. He took me and LO down to San Antonio for a long weekend. We had been pre-kid and really enjoyed staying on the riverwalk and doing all the touristy stuff even though we only live a few hours away. DH ended up really stressed and kept apologizing because obviously this trip was much different. It felt more like a military expedition with all the gear we took for LO and it wasn't nearly as romantic since we had a pack-and-play next to the bed. But I kept reminding him that what was important (to me at least) was that he took the initiative to plan something on his own and try to make up for Mother's Day. Even though it wasn't exactly what hubs was hoping for, I had a really really good time and enjoyed spending time with my two guys and I expressed that to him. And to his credit, DH didn't answer when his mom called or spend all day texting her. I know he paid for it when we got back because I heard them on the phone and it sounded like she was reading him the riot act for not telling them we were going, not inviting them along, and not answering when she called. I'm going to do something for him as a belated fathers day and we're going to try to build different, better memories of our first MD/FD, even if it's after the fact. More good stuff, DH and I both have individual therapists we've been seeing weekly for the past several weeks as well as a couples therapist we have been seeing weekly together. And I'm going back to work full time next week so LO has been going to daycare part time to help him acclimate. The first day was pretty traumatic, more for me than for LO! But, he's been adjusting well and seems happy when I pick him up after lunch (this is a huge point of contention with MIL b/c she wants to baby sit but I've said absolutely not because she won't respect any of our rules or boundaries). I've also been following through on my list of boundaries on my last post. I'm not NC, but I guess the term is I've dropped the rope. Now the bad. For LOs first birthday I was planning something small and casual at our house. Just our parents, and a few close friends. Like, 10-15 people max, counting me and DH. I was going to make a smash cake for LO and more grownup type food/snacks/desert for us and guests. I was planning some low key decorations because lets be honest, this kind of party is for the adults. Kiddo isn't going to remember any of it so I didn't want to go overboard. MIL hated everything about it and wanted to do it at her house, invite all her friends and relatives, serve more kid-centric food, get a store bought cake with all that super sweet icing, and go nuts with decorations. I told her 'no, absolutely not. Our kid, our house, our plans'. She went crying to DH and he tried to talk me into letting her have her way. This has been a constant theme. MIL oversteps, I complain, DH puts up boundaries, and then just as quickly DH forgets about the boundaries. We were able to talk about this in one of our early couples sessions and it was pretty enlightening. I'm sure all the people saying DH just ended up marrying some just like his mom will be gratified to know our counselor said "OP can have a forceful personality". So yea, I'm bossy/pushy/opinionated/etc. How it came up is we were talking about the party and I was saying what I wanted to do and why I didn't want to let my MIL take over, etc and DH was trying to explain why we should accommodate MIL. The therapist interrupted us and ask DH what HE wanted to do. DH started talking about my plan vs his mom's plan and the therapist stopped him and asked again what HE wants. Based on his reaction, I don't think anyone has ever seriously asked him that. He had a complete deer in headlights look and I really though he was going to bolt or start crying or both. How we ended it is, if he truly doesn't have an opinion or doesn't care then he should probably defer to my (his wife) approach. He shouldn't delegate his right to decide to his mom. If he really want to do it her way, then he needs to express that and say he wants to do it her way because he really wants to do it her way as opposed to doing it her way just to avoid upsetting her. Or if he wants something completely different, he needs to express that. But his mom's opinion is not and cannot take precedence. Nothing wrong with her expressing her opinion and him agreeing but that needs to be an active process as opposed to him just doing something because she said so. That was followed up by a conversation about how I have strong thoughts and opinions and I need to give him room to have his own. So rather than saying: "I want to do x" and then expecting him to agree or disagree I need to say something like "For LOs birthday, I have some ideas but I'd like to hear what you think first so we can decide together". We did end up doing the party the way I wanted because DH took the therapists advice and deferred to me since he didn't have an opinion. MIL was super pissy about the whole thing and ended up bringing a sheet cake despite me telling her multiple times not too. We didn't serve it during the party (because boundaries) which pissed her off. DH and I have been munching on it as a late night snack after putting LO to bed and because of how insanely sweet the icing is, I'm glad I stuck to my guns. I feel better because I've put distance between myself and MIL and I'm not worrying about pissing her off so I'm not walking on egg shells any more. But I don't know if I'm any more confident about whether our marriage will survive. I'm realizing that DH has deferred to other people (MIL and me) for so long he has a hard time having his own thoughts and opinions. I do still love him very much, and I'm not as mad as I was when I first posted. Now I'm more sad for him and I'm starting to understand him better. But I don't know if he can change. I know she is complaining to him because I haven't been kowtowing to her and I haven't been visiting on my own or changing plans when they drop by unexpectedly but I'm not pushing him to establish his own boundaries yet. I think he needs to do more work so he can decide what HE wants out of all this. All that to say, we're still working through it and I don't know what's going to happen. Top Comments Commenter 1: It sounds like he has some wonderful growth opportunities ahead. With you supporting his forays into the world of opinions, and with MIL held a safe distance away, I have hope that he can find out what he wants. Commenter 2: Progress not perfection. Glad to see you guys headed in a positive direction. Hope it continues getting better. Commenter 3: DH started talking about my plan vs his mom's plan and the therapist stopped him and asked again what HE wants. He doesn't have an opinion because his mom has steamrolled him on everyone all his life. That's why he defaults to siding with his mom, she's his decision making faculty. Glad your therapist shown a light on this. he still needs a lot of therapy to cut that cord. But it looks like you're on the right track with this therapist. Good luck.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/AITAH by User CounterNecessary2597. I'm not the original poster. There was a previous BORU here. Status: Ongoing Mood: Assertive Original June 16, 2025 I'm 98.7% sure that I am not the AH here, but I'm wrong I'm willing to admit it and learn from my mistakes. Our little boy will be one late this summer, so this was the first mothers day and fathers day for both me and my husband. My husband asked what I wanted for mothers day. I didn't want/need anything big or expensive. What I asked for is: For husband to get up with the little guy and get him fed while I pumped and chilled Breakfast in bed - just toast, scrambled eggs and coffee For us to take the little guy to the zoo for the first time. This was the main thing I was looking forward to. Go to my fav taco place for dinner Between morning and afternoon naps we have about 4 hours of awake time. The zoo is abt 30 min away so I had figured if we left as soon as he got up from his nap and ate, we'd have a couple hours at the zoo and worst case he could sleep in the car on the way home. We took my mom and my MIL out to brunch the prior weekend to celebrate them- his mom on Saturday and my mom on Sunday. I also got them each a thoughful little present and flowers to celebrate their first mothers day as grandparents. I arranged everything and told my mom and MIL that we'd be celebrating on the actual day with just our little family and sent them a group chat (which included husband, my dad and FIL) just to make sure everyone is on the same page. My MIL is very pushy and overbearing so I didn't want there to be any surprises or confusion. The Saturday before Mother's Day, FIL sent my husband a text with a picture of all the mulch he just had delivered and said something like "gonna be a busy weekend!" or something like that. Apparently he had 300 bags of mulch (they have a big yard with lots of flower beds). That night my MIL called my husband and asked him to come over first thing in the morning to help his dad move the bags of mulch to where they were going to be used. She said since we weren't going to the zoo until after little guy's nap, that husband could go over and help for a couple hours and then come pick us up to go to the zoo. I was obviously not happy but she guilted him and said FIL was going to end up hurting himself if he moved all that by himself and that its not a big deal and should only take an hour or two. I told him his mom was doing this to try and get us to skip our plans and spend the day with them but he kept saying it's not a big deal, saying his mom promised it would only take a couple hours, etc etc. I think most people know what happened - husband went over first thing, which means no breakfast in bed and I had to get up to feed the little guy. I was kinda pissed, but whatever. Spent time with the little guy then when he went down for his morning nap I texted my husband to let him know he should start wrapping things up. Then when little guy woke up 2hrs later I called husband to tell him I'd be ready to go as soon as I finished feeding the little guy. He told me it was taking longer than he expected but that he'd hurry. Like an hour and a half later husband called and said they weren't done but he was getting ready to come home. It's 15-20 minute drive from MIL/FILs house. At that point we'd missed the window to make it to zoo so I told him to just stay there and finish and not worry about Mothers Day since he hadn't done a single thing I asked for. I don't think there wasy any doubt in his mind how pissed I was. A little later his mom called and said since we decided not to go to the zoo, that me and little guy should go hang out with her while "the boys" finished with the mulch. I admit that I was pretty pissy and told her I had no interest in spending time with the people who decided to ruin my first mothers day. I ended up staying home and ordering a pizza and binging Netflix. When husband got home he was all apologetic and asked how he could make it up. I was still pissed and told him he could make it up by not ruining my first mothers day. I also told him he should plan on spending Fathers Day with his mom and dad bc me and the little guy were going to go celebrate Fathers Day with my mom and dad. Since Mothers Day MIL has been texting and calling but I've been keeping conversations short and just giving very bland generic responses. My husband has been apologizing and asking what he can do but honestly I don't want to bother. I know it's just a day and we can celebrate any time, like we did with my mom & MIL. But it was my first ever Mothers day. And it's not like I asked for anything expensive or difficult. The only difficult thing is he's incapable of setting boundries with his mom. And she's incapable of considering anyones feelings but her own. This past Saturday he asked if I was still going to my parents then said he'd like to go with us. I told him he could do whatever he wanted but since I hadn't done anything for his dad he might want to go see him or something. We did both end up going to my parents and spending the day with them. It was actually a nice day. My dad insisted on grilling because of course he did but the weather ended up being nice and we spent a lot of time hanging out on their deck playing with the little guy. I'm not sure what if anything my husband did for his dad. I know he was getting a lot of texts during the day, I assume from his mom. She did send me a snippy text saying it was hurful to spend the day with my family at the expense of husbands but I told her she got to spend Mothers day with her baby boy so it's only fair that I spend Fathers day with my family. I know my husband was hurt that we didn't acknowledge him for Fathers Day but I told him while we were driving to my parents house that I'm just matching his energy. I admit that I haven't done anything to de-escalate the drama but I'm still just so hurt he continues to prioritize his mom's feeling over our little family. This isn't the first time his mom has done crap like this and I'm just so tired of it. She always oversteps and insists on doing what SHE wants. I'm doing better at keeping her at arms length and holding my own boundries but my husband is absolutely incapable of it. Comments by OOP: Technically we've tried to alternate holidays or celebrate with one of our familys on a different day but his mom calls & texts nonstop if we spend a holiday with my family. I already told him this Christmas we are spending Christmas Day at home, just the three of us. That should be interesting to see what tricks MIL pulls out. I think I was trying to convince myself he'd come though for us. Lesson learned. To be fair, if I really wanted to keep him from our son, I would have gone to my parents without him. I expected his mom to guilt him into going over there for Fathers Day. And after what she pulled on Mother's day I wasn't going to reward her by letting her spend yesterday with our son. lol actually my mom & I get along really well. She can be overbearing and pushy too with the difference being when I tell her to back off she does. But she said the same thing a lot of people her are saying. That I'm justified in my feelings but if we end up going down this path we won't be married for long. She thought I should accept his apology and let it go and give him the chance to do better. My husband can suck sometimes, but generally (when his parents aren't involved) he's a good husband and good dad. We're both only children. But his mom is waaaaaayyyyyyy more invested in his life than either of my parents. My mom can be a pain, but when I ask her to stay in her lane she usually does. [somebody says YTA because she did it on purpose and her husband didn't] Even if I don't necessarily agree with comments like this, I still appreciate them. Reddit can be such an echo chamber sometimes, it's good to get different opinions and perspectives. But you do bring up something that has been a niggling thought which is why I posted in the first place. Because of our history and how often this sort of thing has happened before, I respectfully disagree with you. But just the fact it made me pause tells me it's a valid consideration. I think this was just the last one in a long line of this kind of behavior and really pushed me over the edge because it was so important to me. I did want him to have an idea about how he made me feel. I think it impressed on him how hurt I was. But you are right this isn't sustainable. I'm feeling like we both did some serious damage to our marriage and we need to figure out how to fix it. It's because this kind of thing has happened lots of times. But this time it ruined something that I thought was really important to me Consensus: NTA. Update June 23, 2025, 1 week later I posted here last week, you can find it in my profile if you want the backstory. I wanted to thank everyone. I've had a lot of people asking for an update, so here we go. This weekend the husband and I sat down and talked about everything. I expressed to him how incrediably upset and disappointed I was at how both Mother's Day and Father's Day went down. I really wanted to recognize and celebrate my husband for FD everybit as much as I hoped he would recognize and celebrate me for MD. He said he knew he shouldn't have gone to his parents on MD but didn't know what to do since his mom was pressuring him and saying if his dad got hurt it would be husbands fault. He admitted that he knew he messed up and has been terrified that I was going to ask for a divorce. Since he cut to the chase, I told him that if this is how our life is going to be, I don't want to stay married to him. I explained to him that I realized that while yes, I was upset about what happened on Mother's Day, that isn't what is making me feel this way. That was just the straw the broke the camels back. This kind of behavior from his mom has been happening since we before got engaged and has just escalated. This has been happening for YEARS. As someone here suggested, I had listed all the times/events (that I could remember) that she had overstepped or just completely ruined. For our freaking honeymoon, she called him TWICE A DAY. Every monrning to find out our plans for the day and then every evening to hear how the day went. Plus the constant texting, asking for pictures, telling him how much she missed him. I don't know how I thought this was acceptable. She tried to make our wedding about herself, tried to make my pregnancy about herself, tried to take over when we brought our son home, just constantly inserting herself and overstepping. I told him that I don't really want to get divorced right now, but it's going to happen anyway, I'd rather get divorced now while we can still do it amicably. Because if nothing changes I'm going to end up so angry and resentful that it would make divorce very contentious and I don't want that for our son. At this point we were both crying, upset and emotional. So I told him that I'll give him some time to decide what he's going to do but if I don't see clear effort being made to start prioritize me and our son that I'd move forward with the divorce. And the change has to continue. Everytime we've fought about this in the past, he's promised he'll change and sometimes he has, but then his mom pulls him back into her orbit. If we are to stay married - these are some of the things I'm insisting on in no particular order: We each own the relationship with our own parents. That means I'm not planning anything for his parents anymore. No cards, no presents, no burnches or parties, no pictures, nothing. If his parents reach out to me I'm going to redirect them to him. I'm not entertaining or visiting with his parents when he's not around. I'm not taking our son over to theirs by myself. And if they "drop by" I'm not inviting them in unless my husband is there. I'm not changing my plans at the last minute just because they decided to drop by without coordinating with us in advance or because they want us to do something with them. Neither of us makes plans with our parents or accepts invitations until we discuss with our partner. And if we don't both agree the we don't do it. And we don't throw each other under the bus, we just say something like "we checked our schedule and we're not available". Holiday's like Christmas, Halloween, Easter, etc are at our house. We can discuss inviting our parents but we're not going to someone else house to celebrate something involving our son when we can do it at home. This includes his 1st bday which MIL is trying to take over and plan. Other holidays we're alternate between our parents. And we will focus on being present. That means no more texting/talking to his mom non-stop when we're with my parents. No more oversharing with MIL. She doesn't need to know about our finances or health/medical issues or vacation plans or anything unless we both agree its something we want to share. His visits to his parents can't be at the expense of spending quality time with me and our son. I don't mind him visiting his parents, but he's over there a couple times a week. We are his immediate family now, we should get priority. We're not doing things just because she said we should. And we're not changing our plans just because she doesn't like them. She really doesn't understand that "Wrong" and "Different" are not the same thing. In her mind, if we're not doing what she wants, HOW she wants, then we are in the wrong. He needs to go to therapy with someone specializing in emeshment. And we need to start going to couples therapy. I didn't even realize I have so much pent up resentment that I can't look at my husband the same anymore. I'm just angry at him all the time and I hate being this way. When it comes to our son, our word (husband and me) is law. If she disregards or minimizes our decisions for our son, then she looses access until she learns to behave. When me or my husband say "No" to either set of parents, the other person will support them and back them up. That means my husband has to stop trying to get me to agree with his mom all the time. I can tell he's freaked out and really stressed about the idea of putting hard boundries in place or distancing from his parents. And I do feel for him. He said he feels like he's caught between a rock and a hard place and that me and his mom are both putting a ton of pressure on him and both have conflicting expectations. And that's fine. He just needs to understand that I'm not tolerating this anymore. I know this will cause an absolute shit storm with his parents but I feel like if we don't do it now, it'll just be harder down the road. What does everyone think? Am I being unreasonable? Are there other boundries we should put in place? Comments by OOP: He did seem overwhelmed, and admittadly it is a lot. I wouldn't expect it all at once but this is where we have to end up and I have to see progress and change. I'll sit down with him again tonight and start having that conversation. I want him to be successfull. I want US to be successful. And I'm willing to put the work in and to also help support him, but he will need to do the same. I think his mom is at least partially responsible for some of his earlier relationships ending. I'll make sure to point this out! I feel like this is my last chance to try and turn this around. If it happens, that is on him. And I think it will just show that he'll never be ready or able to have an healthy, adult, romantic relationship. I would never allow my parents to act or treat him the way his act and treat me. If we do get divorced, at least I'll be able to say I tried my best and gave him every opportunity. What I was trying to say is if things are going to continue as they have been, I'd rather get a divorce. But, if he is willing to put the effort in to improve our marriage and make real change, then so am I. All my boundries apply to both of us, there is nothing I'm asking him to do that I don't already do (or aren't will to do) with my parents. But yes, if he's just going to say "Things will get better" without trying to make them better, I'd rather just be done and get the divorce. I absolutely don't want him to be my bi_ch. I know I can be hard headed and opinionated. And I want a partner that will call me out and stand up to me when it's warrented. And a partner that will support me and have my back when that is warrented. And I want to do the same for my partner. That is one of my fears. I don't want to have to be a nanny reminding him to behave and be a good husband/father. That's not what I meant to sign up for. If thats what ends up happening then this won't work out. I've always hesitated to do this because I didn't want to come off as a nagging wife, but I realize now I was just enabling the status quo. But you are right, we need to have some way of providing feedback to one another and being able to communicate in an open and healthy manner even if the underlying topic is toxic It was an absolutely brutal and heart wrenching conversation. I never want to have to do that again. But I'm terrified that he won't follow through and the next conversation will be even worse. I don't think we ended the discussion because we were done. We were both just to wrung out to continue. Also part of the reason I want couples therapy is becasue I don't want to have to do that alone again. I don't mind helping and supporting him. That's part of being married. I know he's going to stumble and trip sometimes. We all do. I'm not perfect, I'm going to screw up too. And I'm happy to help him. But I can't do it for him, he has to want to make a change. And if he does, I'll be there. And if he doesn't, then that's a whole different conversation. It's not just that she called everyday. It's that he answered the damn phone even when I got upset and told him I thought it was ridiculous. And I'll be honest - what really really pisses me off not is that I didn't make a bigger deal. It pissed me off, and I told him it pissed me off, but I never followed through. I just let him say things like "she's excited for us" or "she misses us" and the next time she called I'd roll my eyes and say something passive aggressive then when they hung up we'd carry on with what we were doing. I should have been more explicit that I didn't think it was acceptable. I'm not saying I expected no contact - I texted my parents when we landed at our destination, and then again when we were on the plane to go home. But that was it. And their only response was "have fun" and "have a safe flight, can't wait to see you". And I see my folks probably every 2-3 weeks and they live about the same distance as his parents. So I don't have a problem with him going to visit. But that often? Really? Because I was young and stupid and really believed that "love conquers all"? Because I really believed once we got married he'd stand up for us? Then I really believed once we had kids he'd make us his priority. Trust me, these are all thoughts I've had. And now I'm in the situation where I have a son, that I love more than anything. So I can't wish I had left because I'm so grateful for my son, but I also can't stay anymore if this is going to be my future. Right now, how I ended up here is an interesting academic question. Answering it won't fix this, although maybe it will help me avoid being in a similar situation if we get divorced. The important questions are can this be fixed, and how. [somebody comments she seems to have the same character as MIL and to let MIL have some things] We've been together 8 years, married 5, and our son will be 1 later this summer. My whole point is I'm trying to keep her from ruling my house. She doesn't want to be "a part" of anything, she wants to own and run everything the way she wants. The reason I listed all these rules as you call them is because these are all areas where she has completely ignored what we want and imposed her will on us. I can't tell you how many times we've had plans that she insisted on us cancelling or changing or including them on. And yes, he SHOULD have said no but whenever he's tried she pushes and guilt trips and threatens until he gives in. Did you read my first post about what happened on mothers day: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1ld5j35/aitah_for_not_planning_anything_for_fathers_day/ ? That kind of thing is entirely typical of her and her behavior. Which of my rules do you think is unfair or unreasonable? I'm asking because I'm really curious. I feel like all these are things in a normal marriage you'd just have a conversation about and decide where to go for the holiday or whatever. But that's never worked with her, if we don't do what she wants, how she wants, when she wants, then she starts with the manipulation. Do you really think it's ok that she called him twice a day for our honeymoon? or that she texted him constantly? or that when we are doing a holiday at my parents she keeps calling and texting? or that when we plan a trip she convinces him we shouldn't go? Or that she tricked him into spending mothers day at her house and skipping all the plans we had made? I think if my MIL and my husband had a normal, even slightly healthy relationship, you'd be right. But I honestly think she sees him as an extension of herself and not a full grown individual who can make his own choices and live his own life. If my husband wants to tell his mom about his health, that is entirely his choice. But why does he need to tell her about my health/medical issues/Dr appointments/etc? Why does she need to know how much I earn or how much I have save up or how much I paid for my car or any of that? How is that her business? If we decide to take a trip why do we need to tell her how much we're spending? And why does visiting her take priority over plans we made? I can't count the number of times we were doing something together where he bailed because she needed help with something stupid. Or the number of times plans got canceled because suddenly she wants him to come over. If he wants to devote all his time and effort to his mom that is absolutely fine. But he can't do that and still be an involved father or engaged husband. What happens when our son is older and my husband has to choose between attending his school events or games or whatever. Because yes his mom won't be around forever, but our son won't be a child forever. What happens in 18 years when our son goes to college and my husband realizes he missed seeing him grow up because he was busy catering to his mom. And I won't be a third wheel in my own marriage. I won't spend my marriage wondering what plans she is going to screw up or what decisions we make that she's going try and override. It's not about sharing info or visiting. It's when those things happen to the extreme and impact our life as a married couple. Update 2 September 3, 2025, about 2 1/2 months later I've had a lot of folks asking for an update, so here goes! First off, thank you all to everyone who commented on my earlier posts, good and bad, it has been so helpful. Couple things I want to mention first. A lot of commenters have been saying that I knew what I was getting into when I married DH so this whole thing is as much my fault as anyone elses and if I didn't want a mama's boy, I shouldn't have married one. Yep, you are 100% correct. I ignored all the red flags, constantly told myself it would get better once we were engaged, then once we were married, then once we got pregnant, then once we had kids. And I think part of the issue is she's gotten worse over the years. It feels like one of those frog-in-a-pot-of-boiling-water situations. I don't deny I put myself into this situation but the fact is we're here now so we need to get it figured out. A lot of other commentors said my "list of rules" was crazy and I'm just as bad as his mom. Maybe I am (more on that later), but I don't think there is anything about my boundaries that is unreasonable and there is nothing there that I expect from him and his parents that I don't also expect from myself and my parents. I've said repeatedly, they all boil down to the same basic thing: showing each other respect and consideration. I'm not saying he can't see his parent or that they can't come visit or anything like that. I'm saying that his parents don't get to have priority over us and our little family, and neither do my parents. First the good. My husband ended up surprising me with a trip out of town. He took me and LO down to San Antonio for a long weekend. We had been pre-kid and really enjoyed staying on the riverwalk and doing all the touristy stuff even though we only live a few hours away. DH ended up really stressed and kept apologizing because obviously this trip was much different. It felt more like a military expedition with all the gear we took for LO and it wasn't nearly as romantic since we had a pack-and-play next to the bed. But I kept reminding him that what was important (to me at least) was that he took the initiative to plan something on his own and try to make up for Mother's Day. Even though it wasn't exactly what hubs was hoping for, I had a really really good time and enjoyed spending time with my two guys and I expressed that to him. And to his credit, DH didn't answer when his mom called or spend all day texting her. I know he paid for it when we got back because I heard them on the phone and it sounded like she was reading him the riot act for not telling them we were going, not inviting them along, and not answering when she called. I'm going to do something for him as a belated fathers day and we're going to try to build different, better memories of our first MD/FD, even if it's after the fact. More good stuff, DH and I both have individual therapists we've been seeing weekly for the past several weeks as well as a couples therapist we have been seeing weekly together. And I'm going back to work full time next week so LO has been going to daycare part time to help him acclimate. The first day was pretty traumatic, more for me than for LO! But, he's been adjusting well and seems happy when I pick him up after lunch (this is a huge point of contention with MIL b/c she wants to baby sit but I've said absolutely not because she won't respect any of our rules or boundaries). I've also been following through on my list of boundaries on my last post. I'm not NC, but I guess the term is I've dropped the rope. Now the bad. For LOs first birthday I was planning something small and casual at our house. Just our parents, and a few close friends. Like, 10-15 people max, counting me and DH. I was going to make a smash cake for LO and more grownup type food/snacks/desert for us and guests. I was planning some low key decorations because lets be honest, this kind of party is for the adults. Kiddo isn't going to remember any of it so I didn't want to go overboard. MIL hated everything about it and wanted to do it at her house, invite all her friends and relatives, serve more kid-centric food, get a store bought cake with all that super sweet icing, and go nuts with decorations. I told her 'no, absolutely not. Our kid, our house, our plans'. She went crying to DH and he tried to talk me into letting her have her way. This has been a constant theme. MIL oversteps, I complain, DH puts up boundaries, and then just as quickly DH forgets about the boundaries. We were able to talk about this in one of our early couples sessions and it was pretty enlightening. I'm sure all the people saying DH just ended up marrying some just like his mom will be gratified to know our counselor said "OP can have a forceful personality". So yea, I'm bossy/pushy/opinionated/etc. How it came up is we were talking about the party and I was saying what I wanted to do and why I didn't want to let my MIL take over, etc and DH was trying to explain why we should accommodate MIL. The therapist interrupted us and ask DH what HE wanted to do. DH started talking about my plan vs his mom's plan and the therapist stopped him and asked again what HE wants. Based on his reaction, I don't think anyone has ever seriously asked him that. He had a complete deer in headlights look and I really though he was going to bolt or start crying or both. How we ended it is, if he truly doesn't have an opinion or doesn't care then he should probably defer to my (his wife) approach. He shouldn't delegate his right to decide to his mom. If he really want to do it her way, then he needs to express that and say he wants to do it her way because he really wants to do it her way as opposed to doing it her way just to avoid upsetting her. Or if he wants something completely different, he needs to express that. But his mom's opinion is not and cannot take precedence. Nothing wrong with her expressing her opinion and him agreeing but that needs to be an active process as opposed to him just doing something because she said so. That was followed up by a conversation about how I have strong thoughts and opinions and I need to give him room to have his own. So rather than saying: "I want to do x" and then expecting him to agree or disagree I need to say something like "For LOs birthday, I have some ideas but I'd like to hear what you think first so we can decide together". We did end up doing the party the way I wanted because DH took the therapists advice and deferred to me since he didn't have an opinion. MIL was super pissy about the whole thing and ended up bringing a sheet cake despite me telling her multiple times not too. We didn't serve it during the party (because boundaries) which pissed her off. DH and I have been munching on it as a late night snack after putting LO to bed and because of how insanely sweet the icing is, I'm glad I stuck to my guns. I feel better because I've put distance between myself and MIL and I'm not worrying about pissing her off so I'm not walking on egg shells any more. But I don't know if I'm any more confident about whether our marriage will survive. I'm realizing that DH has deferred to other people (MIL and me) for so long he has a hard time having his own thoughts and opinions. I do still love him very much, and I'm not as mad as I was when I first posted. Now I'm more sad for him and I'm starting to understand him better. But I don't know if he can change. I know she is complaining to him because I haven't been kowtowing to her and I haven't been visiting on my own or changing plans when they drop by unexpectedly but I'm not pushing him to establish his own boundaries yet. I think he needs to do more work so he can decide what HE wants out of all this. All that to say, we're still working through it and I don't know what's going to happen. I'm not the original poster. submitted by /u/Schattenspringer to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/CounterNecessary2597 Originally posted to r/AITAH AITAH For not planning anything for fathers day after my husband ruined my first mothers day Original Post: June 16, 2025 I'm 98.7% sure that I am not the AH here, but I'm wrong I'm willing to admit it and learn from my mistakes. Our little boy will be one late this summer, so this was the first mothers day and fathers day for both me and my husband. My husband asked what I wanted for mothers day. I didn't want/need anything big or expensive. What I asked for is: For husband to get up with the little guy and get him fed while I pumped and chilled Breakfast in bed - just toast, scrambled eggs and coffee For us to take the little guy to the zoo for the first time. This was the main thing I was looking forward to. Go to my fav taco place for dinner Between morning and afternoon naps we have about 4 hours of awake time. The zoo is abt 30 min away so I had figured if we left as soon as he got up from his nap and ate, we'd have a couple hours at the zoo and worst case he could sleep in the car on the way home. We took my mom and my MIL out to brunch the prior weekend to celebrate them- his mom on Saturday and my mom on Sunday. I also got them each a thoughful little present and flowers to celebrate their first mothers day as grandparents. I arranged everything and told my mom and MIL that we'd be celebrating on the actual day with just our little family and sent them a group chat (which included husband, my dad and FIL) just to make sure everyone is on the same page. My MIL is very pushy and overbearing so I didn't want there to be any surprises or confusion. The Saturday before Mother's Day, FIL sent my husband a text with a picture of all the mulch he just had delivered and said something like "gonna be a busy weekend!" or something like that. Apparently he had 300 bags of mulch (they have a big yard with lots of flower beds). That night my MIL called my husband and asked him to come over first thing in the morning to help his dad move the bags of mulch to where they were going to be used. She said since we weren't going to the zoo until after little guy's nap, that husband could go over and help for a couple hours and then come pick us up to go to the zoo. I was obviously not happy but she guilted him and said FIL was going to end up hurting himself if he moved all that by himself and that its not a big deal and should only take an hour or two. I told him his mom was doing this to try and get us to skip our plans and spend the day with them but he kept saying it's not a big deal, saying his mom promised it would only take a couple hours, etc etc. I think most people know what happened - husband went over first thing, which means no breakfast in bed and I had to get up to feed the little guy. I was kinda pissed, but whatever. Spent time with the little guy then when he went down for his morning nap I texted my husband to let him know he should start wrapping things up. Then when little guy woke up 2hrs later I called husband to tell him I'd be ready to go as soon as I finished feeding the little guy. He told me it was taking longer than he expected but that he'd hurry. Like an hour and a half later husband called and said they weren't done but he was getting ready to come home. It's 15-20 minute drive from MIL/FILs house. At that point we'd missed the window to make it to zoo so I told him to just stay there and finish and not worry about Mothers Day since he hadn't done a single thing I asked for. I don't think there wasy any doubt in his mind how pissed I was. A little later his mom called and said since we decided not to go to the zoo, that me and little guy should go hang out with her while "the boys" finished with the mulch. I admit that I was pretty pissy and told her I had no interest in spending time with the people who decided to ruin my first mothers day. I ended up staying home and ordering a pizza and binging Netflix. When husband got home he was all apologetic and asked how he could make it up. I was still pissed and told him he could make it up by not ruining my first mothers day. I also told him he should plan on spending Fathers Day with his mom and dad bc me and the little guy were going to go celebrate Fathers Day with my mom and dad. Since Mothers Day MIL has been texting and calling but I've been keeping conversations short and just giving very bland generic responses. My husband has been apologizing and asking what he can do but honestly I don't want to bother. I know it's just a day and we can celebrate any time, like we did with my mom & MIL. But it was my first ever Mothers day. And it's not like I asked for anything expensive or difficult. The only difficult thing is he's incapable of setting boundries with his mom. And she's incapable of considering anyones feelings but her own. This past Saturday he asked if I was still going to my parents then said he'd like to go with us. I told him he could do whatever he wanted but since I hadn't done anything for his dad he might want to go see him or something. We did both end up going to my parents and spending the day with them. It was actually a nice day. My dad insisted on grilling because of course he did but the weather ended up being nice and we spent a lot of time hanging out on their deck playing with the little guy. I'm not sure what if anything my husband did for his dad. I know he was getting a lot of texts during the day, I assume from his mom. She did send me a snippy text saying it was hurful to spend the day with my family at the expense of husbands but I told her she got to spend Mothers day with her baby boy so it's only fair that I spend Fathers day with my family. I know my husband was hurt that we didn't acknowledge him for Fathers Day but I told him while we were driving to my parents house that I'm just matching his energy. I admit that I haven't done anything to de-escalate the drama but I'm still just so hurt he continues to prioritize his mom's feeling over our little family. This isn't the first time his mom has done crap like this and I'm just so tired of it. She always oversteps and insists on doing what SHE wants. I'm doing better at keeping her at arms length and holding my own boundries but my husband is absolutely incapable of it. EDITED to fix a typo AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Relevant Comments Commenter 1: NTA Look at the shiny spine on you!!!! Your husband should take notes!! You're a badass and I wish I had your spunk. Ask him why he'd rather be a good son than a god father? When is his child going to matter more than his mommy's fee fee? Im proud you're not letting her get away with her shit. What about Christmas? Birthdays? OOP: So far it's been a lot of the same. Technically we've tried to alternate holidays or celebrate with one of our familys on a different day but his mom calls & texts nonstop if we spend a holiday with my family. I already told him this Christmas we are spending Christmas Day at home, just the three of us. That should be interesting to see what tricks MIL pulls out. Commenter 2: NTA Although, you knew your husband wasn’t go to make it by the time your son woke up. Why didn’t you just take your son and enjoy the zoo? OOP: I really should have. I think I was trying to convince myself he'd come though for us. Lesson learned. Does OOP's own mother do the same thing like her MIL? OOP: lol actually my mom & I get along really well. She can be overbearing and pushy too with the difference being when I tell her to back off she does. But she said the same thing a lot of people her are saying. That I'm justified in my feelings but if we end up going down this path we won't be married for long. She thought I should accept his apology and let it go and give him the chance to do better. Is OOP's husband an only child or does he has any siblings? OOP: We're both only children. But his mom is waaaaaayyyyyyy more invested in his life than either of my parents. My mom can be a pain, but when I ask her to stay in her lane she usually does. Commenter 3: Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think your anger and hurt come from the fact that your husband would do it again. He seemed more sorry that you were upset - kind of like he was looking to you to tell him how to undo this - instead of being sorry that he hurt you. You have a MIL problem, but you have a much bigger husband problem!! This wasn’t an emergency so it didn’t need to be done that day. You both need to get into counseling - individual for him, as well as couples counseling. If he wants to fix this, counseling is a must. OOP: You're 100% right. It's because this kind of thing has happened lots of times. But this time it ruined something that I thought was really important to me Downvoted Commenter: Your husband isn’t your child. He’s not supposed to do anything special for you for Mother’s Day. He can acknowledge you and that’s enough. He should be doing something special for his mom. Your children will celebrate you when they are older. When your kids start celebrating you then you’ll know what Mother’s Day is all about. Side note: yeah it would’ve been nice if he celebrated you the way you want it to be. But you’re also a grown woman, you should’ve just left to the zoo with your son and enjoyed yourself. OOP: So expanding on that theory, I was under no obligation to celebrate him or do anything for him on Father's Day and I did the right thing by celebrating my dad?   Update: June 23, 2025 (six days later) I posted here last week, you can find it in my profile if you want the backstory. I wanted to thank everyone. I've had a lot of people asking for an update, so here we go. This weekend the husband and I sat down and talked about everything. I expressed to him how incrediably upset and disappointed I was at how both Mother's Day and Father's Day went down. I really wanted to recognize and celebrate my husband for FD everybit as much as I hoped he would recognize and celebrate me for MD. He said he knew he shouldn't have gone to his parents on MD but didn't know what to do since his mom was pressuring him and saying if his dad got hurt it would be husbands fault. He admitted that he knew he messed up and has been terrified that I was going to ask for a divorce. Since he cut to the chase, I told him that if this is how our life is going to be, I don't want to stay married to him. I explained to him that I realized that while yes, I was upset about what happened on Mother's Day, that isn't what is making me feel this way. That was just the straw the broke the camels back. This kind of behavior from his mom has been happening since we before got engaged and has just escalated. This has been happening for YEARS. As someone here suggested, I had listed all the times/events (that I could remember) that she had overstepped or just completely ruined. For our freaking honeymoon, she called him TWICE A DAY. Every monrning to find out our plans for the day and then every evening to hear how the day went. Plus the constant texting, asking for pictures, telling him how much she missed him. I don't know how I thought this was acceptable. She tried to make our wedding about herself, tried to make my pregnancy about herself, tried to take over when we brought our son home, just constantly inserting herself and overstepping. I told him that I don't really want to get divorced right now, but it's going to happen anyway, I'd rather get divorced now while we can still do it amicably. Because if nothing changes I'm going to end up so angry and resentful that it would make divorce very contentious and I don't want that for our son. At this point we were both crying, upset and emotional. So I told him that I'll give him some time to decide what he's going to do but if I don't see clear effort being made to start prioritize me and our son that I'd move forward with the divorce. And the change has to continue. Everytime we've fought about this in the past, he's promised he'll change and sometimes he has, but then his mom pulls him back into her orbit. If we are to stay married - these are some of the things I'm insisting on in no particular order: We each own the relationship with our own parents. That means I'm not planning anything for his parents anymore. No cards, no presents, no burnches or parties, no pictures, nothing. If his parents reach out to me I'm going to redirect them to him. I'm not entertaining or visiting with his parents when he's not around. I'm not taking our son over to theirs by myself. And if they "drop by" I'm not inviting them in unless my husband is there. I'm not changing my plans at the last minute just because they decided to drop by without coordinating with us in advance or because they want us to do something with them. Neither of us makes plans with our parents or accepts invitations until we discuss with our partner. And if we don't both agree the we don't do it. And we don't throw each other under the bus, we just say something like "we checked our schedule and we're not available". Holiday's like Christmas, Halloween, Easter, etc are at our house. We can discuss inviting our parents but we're not going to someone else house to celebrate something involving our son when we can do it at home. This includes his 1st bday which MIL is trying to take over and plan. Other holidays we're alternate between our parents. And we will focus on being present. That means no more texting/talking to his mom non-stop when we're with my parents. No more oversharing with MIL. She doesn't need to know about our finances or health/medical issues or vacation plans or anything unless we both agree its something we want to share. His visits to his parents can't be at the expense of spending quality time with me and our son. I don't mind him visiting his parents, but he's over there a couple times a week. We are his immediate family now, we should get priority. We're not doing things just because she said we should. And we're not changing our plans just because she doesn't like them. She really doesn't understand that "Wrong" and "Different" are not the same thing. In her mind, if we're not doing what she wants, HOW she wants, then we are in the wrong. He needs to go to therapy with someone specializing in emeshment. And we need to start going to couples therapy. I didn't even realize I have so much pent up resentment that I can't look at my husband the same anymore. I'm just angry at him all the time and I hate being this way. When it comes to our son, our word (husband and me) is law. If she disregards or minimizes our decisions for our son, then she looses access until she learns to behave. When me or my husband say "No" to either set of parents, the other person will support them and back them up. That means my husband has to stop trying to get me to agree with his mom all the time. I can tell he's freaked out and really stressed about the idea of putting hard boundries in place or distancing from his parents. And I do feel for him. He said he feels like he's caught between a rock and a hard place and that me and his mom are both putting a ton of pressure on him and both have conflicting expectations. And that's fine. He just needs to understand that I'm not tolerating this anymore. I know this will cause an absolute shit storm with his parents but I feel like if we don't do it now, it'll just be harder down the road. What does everyone think? Am I being unreasonable? Are there other boundries we should put in place? Relevant Comments Commenter 1: You need a timeline, can’t say do all this and then in a year say hey you didn’t do check box 3 and 4, I am out. By September we’ll have had a counseling session together and he had 2 on his own and we had a family trip (just 3 of you) to the seaside or something. Put dates down, so by new years if things haven’t improved you can call a lawyer. OOP: That is an excellent idea. He did seem overwhelmed, and admittadly it is a lot. I wouldn't expect it all at once but this is where we have to end up and I have to see progress and change. I'll sit down with him again tonight and start having that conversation. I want him to be successfull. I want US to be successful. And I'm willing to put the work in and to also help support him, but he will need to do the same. Commenter 2: I think you should remind that if you divorce he will have the same problem with the next person. Does he feel ready to keep having his parents ruin his relationships? OOP: That is an excellent point! I think his mom is at least partially responsible for some of his earlier relationships ending. I'll make sure to point this out! Commenter 3: Nothing you’ve written is wrong or unfair, but it’s already not looking good for you. He admits that he knew he messed up and was terrified that you were going to ask for a divorce, but is also freaked out and stressed about the idea of putting hard boundaries or distancing himself from his parents. There are only 2 ways I see this going: 1) this man will fail at putting up boundaries with his parents, you will resent him for being the spineless mommy’s boy that he is, and you will get divorced or 2) he will succeed at putting up boundaries with his parents, he will resent you for making him choose between you and his parents, and you will get divorced. OOP: #2 did occur to me, and I fully believe it is a legit concern and possibility. But I feel like this is my last chance to try and turn this around. If it happens, that is on him. And I think it will just show that he'll never be ready or able to have an healthy, adult, romantic relationship. Commenter 4: My advice to you is start calling it out and explaining it in the moment. She calls and he jumps to take her call: "Name, this is our time together and you are once again prioritizing your Mom over us." He divulges private information: "Name, would you like me going and spreading private information to my family about you? Because what you are telling your Mom is PRIVATE. Adults keep that information within the confines of marriage just like sex." You need to find that couples therapist and set up the appointment ASAP. Tell him the date and time and tell him if he is serious about saving the marriage you expect him to be there and you expect him to show up weekly. Lay it ALL out for the therapist. OOP: Thank you for this advice. I've always hesitated to do this because I didn't want to come off as a nagging wife, but I realize now I was just enabling the status quo. But you are right, we need to have some way of providing feedback to one another and being able to communicate in an open and healthy manner even if the underlying topic is toxic OOP on how much personal information her husband shares with his mom OOP: If my husband wants to tell his mom about his health, that is entirely his choice. But why does he need to tell her about my health/medical issues/Dr appointments/etc? Why does she need to know how much I earn or how much I have save up or how much I paid for my car or any of that? How is that her business? If we decide to take a trip why do we need to tell her how much we're spending? And why does visiting her take priority over plans we made? I can't count the number of times we were doing something together where he bailed because she needed help with something stupid. Or the number of times plans got canceled because suddenly she wants him to come over. If he wants to devote all his time and effort to his mom that is absolutely fine. But he can't do that and still be an involved father or engaged husband. What happens when our son is older and my husband has to choose between attending his school events or games or whatever. Because yes his mom won't be around forever, but our son won't be a child forever. What happens in 18 years when our son goes to college and my husband realizes he missed seeing him grow up because he was busy catering to his mom. And I won't be a third wheel in my own marriage. I won't spend my marriage wondering what plans she is going to screw up or what decisions we make that she's going try and override. It's not about sharing info or visiting. It's when those things happen to the extreme and impact our life as a married couple. How old are OOP and her husband? OOP: Early 30s OOP should had addressed those issues before she got married to her husband OOP: We absolutely should have addressed a lot of these issues before we got married. Or before we had kids. Or really at any time in the past. But is it really a long list? I mean, they all boil down to the same thing - we both need to treat each other with respect and consideration. For example, my issue isn't him visiting his parents. The issue is when his visits conflict with plans we've made or activities we're doing or when they constantly take time away from our son. Before I accept an invite from anyone I always double check with him to make sure he doesn't have anything else planned, is it so much to hope he'd do the same for me? And once we do have plans, is it ok to have to cancel them because his parents want us to come over? This isn't one off stuff, this is constant. OOP on her husband's background and how he was raised from her own parents raising her OOP: The way my husband was raised is so different from how my parents raised me. I feel like I need to understand his upbringing better to understand why he feels like he needs to always defer to his parents, especially his mom. I do believe at the end of the day he alone is responsible for his actions, but understanding his past better might help me to be more empathetic and to have a better idea how to help save our marriage. + He hasn't told me a lot of details about how he grew up. He has told me that his mom has always been very pushy and domineering. He's alluded to getting in trouble for not getting good enough grades or not doing his chores correctly and got punished but he never said anything about how he was punished. OOP on how her MIL has overstepped the boundaries OOP: Thank you for the feedback! And I think you are right - I am conflating what I view as a normal healthy relationship with what I think is overstepping boundaries. I don't remember if I put it in a comment or a DM, but I admit that I did put that list together when was angry. As a result, I think maybe I was focused on the wrong things in some cases. Or maybe not the wrong things, but the wrong aspect of the things I listed. For example - I legit think his mom calling 2x a day on our honeymoon is weird because my family wouldn't do that. But in retrospect, maybe frequency of calls wasn't the problem. Maybe the problem is that he let those calls cut into our time together while we were trying to do other things. If he had talked to his mom while I was in the shower or some other time we weren't busy, I might have thought it odd but it I wouldn't have felt like she was overstepping. Likewise I complained about how often he visits them. But it's really because he allows those visits (or requests for visits) to take priority over activities that we were already in the middle of or plans we already made (e.g. Mother's Day). I've said this several times, but I should have put it in my original post - those specific items are area's where she has caused problems. BUT - for the most part they all boil down to the same thing: I believe me and my husband show respect and consideration for each other and when there is a conflict or a question, our family should take priority. And since people on Reddit like to read everything as absolutes - even priority is relative. If his mom wants him to shovel mulch, that should be a lower priority than what we already planned. Not saying he shouldn't help, just that he doesn't need to do it right then and there.. But say his mom fell and hurt herself on Mother Day, or some other legit emergency came up, then absolutely THAT should take priority over going to the zoo. My frustration and anger and resentment comes from ALWAYS being a lower priority than anything his mom asks for. For the record - NOWHERE did I ever say I thought he should cut them over or sever his relationship with them (something a lot of people have accused me of saying). What I want him to do is realize that now, in addition to being a son, he is also a husband and a father. And he needs to decide which of those things take priority. Thank you for the great feedback and for the very valid talking points I can use with him. Ideally, while we are in couples therapy to help with the discussion.   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I posted here last week, you can find it in my profile if you want the backstory. I wanted to thank everyone. I've had a lot of people asking for an update, so here we go. This weekend the husband and I sat down and talked about everything. I expressed to him how incrediably upset and disappointed I was at how both Mother's Day and Father's Day went down. I really wanted to recognize and celebrate my husband for FD everybit as much as I hoped he would recognize and celebrate me for MD. He said he knew he shouldn't have gone to his parents on MD but didn't know what to do since his mom was pressuring him and saying if his dad got hurt it would be husbands fault. He admitted that he knew he messed up and has been terrified that I was going to ask for a divorce. Since he cut to the chase, I told him that if this is how our life is going to be, I don't want to stay married to him. I explained to him that I realized that while yes, I was upset about what happened on Mother's Day, that isn't what is making me feel this way. That was just the straw the broke the camels back. This kind of behavior from his mom has been happening since we before got engaged and has just escalated. This has been happening for YEARS. As someone here suggested, I had listed all the times/events (that I could remember) that she had overstepped or just completely ruined. For our freaking honeymoon, she called him TWICE A DAY. Every monrning to find out our plans for the day and then every evening to hear how the day went. Plus the constant texting, asking for pictures, telling him how much she missed him. I don't know how I thought this was acceptable. She tried to make our wedding about herself, tried to make my pregnancy about herself, tried to take over when we brought our son home, just constantly inserting herself and overstepping. I told him that I don't really want to get divorced right now, but if it's going to happen anyway, I'd rather get divorced now while we can still do it amicably. Because if nothing changes I'm going to end up so angry and resentful that it would make divorce very contentious and I don't want that for our son. At this point we were both crying, upset and emotional. So I told him that I'll give him some time to decide what he's going to do but if I don't see clear effort being made to start prioritize me and our son that I'd move forward with the divorce. And the change has to continue. Everytime we've fought about this in the past, he's promised he'll change and sometimes he has, but then his mom pulls him back into her orbit. If we are to stay married - these are some of the things I'm insisting on in no particular order: We each own the relationship with our own parents. That means I'm not planning anything for his parents anymore. No cards, no presents, no burnches or parties, no pictures, nothing. If his parents reach out to me I'm going to redirect them to him. I'm not entertaining or visiting with his parents when he's not around. I'm not taking our son over to theirs by myself. And if they "drop by" I'm not inviting them in unless my husband is there. I'm not changing my plans at the last minute just because they decided to drop by without coordinating with us in advance or because they want us to do something with them. Neither of us makes plans with our parents or accepts invitations until we discuss with our partner. And if we don't both agree the we don't do it. And we don't throw each other under the bus, we just say something like "we checked our schedule and we're not available". Holiday's like Christmas, Halloween, Easter, etc are at our house. We can discuss inviting our parents but we're not going to someone else house to celebrate something involving our son when we can do it at home. This includes his 1st bday which MIL is trying to take over and plan. Other holidays we're alternate between our parents. And we will focus on being present. That means no more texting/talking to his mom non-stop when we're with my parents. No more oversharing with MIL. She doesn't need to know about our finances or health/medical issues or vacation plans or anything unless we both agree its something we want to share. His visits to his parents can't be at the expense of spending quality time with me and our son. I don't mind him visiting his parents, but he's over there a couple times a week. We are his immediate family now, we should get priority. We're not doing things just because she said we should. And we're not changing our plans just because she doesn't like them. She really doesn't understand that "Wrong" and "Different" are not the same thing. In her mind, if we're not doing what she wants, HOW she wants, then we are in the wrong. He needs to go to therapy with someone specializing in emeshment. And we need to start going to couples therapy. I didn't even realize I have so much pent up resentment that I can't look at my husband the same anymore. I'm just angry at him all the time and I hate being this way. When it comes to our son, our word (husband and me) is law. If she disregards or minimizes our decisions for our son, then she looses access until she learns to behave. When me or my husband say "No" to either set of parents, the other person will support them and back them up. That means my husband has to stop trying to get me to agree with his mom all the time. I can tell he's freaked out and really stressed about the idea of putting hard boundries in place or distancing from his parents. And I do feel for him. He said he feels like he's caught between a rock and a hard place and that me and his mom are both putting a ton of pressure on him and both have conflicting expectations. And that's fine. He just needs to understand that I'm not tolerating this anymore. I know this will cause an absolute shit storm with his parents but I feel like if we don't do it now, it'll just be harder down the road. What does everyone think? Am I being unreasonable? Are there other boundries we should put in place? ETA: added a missing word submitted by /u/CounterNecessary2597 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/Rooonaldooo99 to r/northernlion [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA-6512 I (32F) purposefully ignored what my husband (34M) told me he wanted for father's day, he's now ignoring me and won't accept my apologies. What can I do to make it up to him? Originally posted to r/relationship_advice & r/TwoXChromosomes Thanks to u/twoweeeeks for help with the comments Original Post June 20, 2023 Me and my husband have been together for the past 9 years, we have two kids, a 8 year old and a 6 year old. For mothers day all I wanted was a free day, I wanted my husband to take the kids out somewhere for the day so I could be home alone and relax. Instead he got me and the kids tickets to have a fun day out. And it was fun, and me and the kids had a good time but it irked me that he gave me the exact opposite of what I'd asked for. For father's day my husband also wanted a free day so he could stay home and game all day. He games all the time with his friends, he'll get home from work, maybe spend the time between then and dinner with the kids before going up to his office to game for a few hours with friends. Instead, I got him and the kids cards for an arcade an hour away with a ton of tokens. I gave him the cards during dinner on Saturday so he and the kids could leave early and spend all day playing with them. I got my free day and he and the kids got to make a lot of memories together. He and I got into a fight when the kids went to bed, he was angry that I ignored what he wanted for Father's day, I was angry he didn't see that he'd done the same thing to me on mother's day. He's been ignoring me since and won't accept my apologies. TLDR: I ignored my husband's wish to have a "Free day" of fathers day and got him and the kids a day out because he did the same thing to me on mother's day and now he won't stop ignoring me or accept my apologies. Edit: Some people are thinking that me, my husband and our kids went out for Mother's Day. We didn't, I took the kids for a day out while he played video games all day with his friends. Edit: I can't believe I have to say this: I do not hate, resent or in any other way dislike my children. My point was not that going on a day out with them is terrible and I hate it. My point was that it really sucks asking for on thing and being given the opposite RELEVANT COMMENTS Hoebaloeb_ That’s hilarious. I wouldn’t apologize at all. Tell him to come talk to you when he’s done being a piss baby OOP I really don't feel sorry and I feel like I was justified, I just want him to stop ignoring me ~ bad-acid There is no way he didn't know what he was doing when he set up a day with you and the kids on Mother's Day without him around. Or, I guess maybe he's legitimately INSANE. I feel crazy reading these comments accusing you of resenting your kids or being a bad wife for getting petty. Like yeah. It was petty. People get petty when they're mistreated and taken advantage of. And now he's lying to you and saying it's not the same and not what he was trying to do? Please. Any husband with half a brain knows that Mother's Day is a holiday the father/husband participates in actively. Not just planning, or buying. But is present. With you, with the kids, trying to give you time off. It's what he wanted for father's day, he knew it's what you wanted for mother's day. Yeah it was petty. I would be petty, too, if my partner got me an obligation and got themselves a day of rest. You two need to talk it out, but he needs to own up to what he did. OOP I don't understand how people think that I resent my own kids. On both days the kids had so much fun, when they came back from the arcade they wouldn't stop telling me how much fun they had and showing me the prizes they'd helped won. When we had our fight it was AFTER they where in bed, they've picked up on him ignoring me but I've not told them why, just that he's busy with work and is cranky because of it. Fat_Man_Slim Some of the people responding to this are teenagers. There's no age limit. I'm not surprised you're getting dumb responses like accusations of hating your kids. OOP there are many accusations of me hating my kids, and calling me selfish for wanting to have a day to myself instead of spending it with my kids as if I have an infinite amount of energy and time in the day to cook, clean, take care of the kids and have time for myself when I don't Update Oct 12, 2023 (4 months later) tldr for my last post: My husband didn't get me what I asked for for Mother's day (a day to myself to relax) so on Father's day when he also asked for a day to relax I gave him what he'd given me for mother's day. We had a big fight over it which ended with him ignoring me for days. People keep asking me for an update so here you go: we're in the process of getting a divorce. Now please stop asking for an update. I didn't know that my post would get so popular and people would decide to repost it to other platforms and if I had known that I wouldn't have made that post at all. RELEVANT COMMENTS Corfiz74 Thank you for updating us, and I'm sorry you have to go through this! Did he ever see reason about the Mother's equals Father's Day gift, or did he remain willfully obtuse to the end? OOP He hasn't and still says that when he did it to me was different when I did the same thing to him. ~ Leoka I'm sorry. I hope you're able to heal and find someone you won't have to 'an eye for an eye' in order to ger them to understand what you need. OOP I'm just hoping to find someone with basic empathy, I did all that and he still doesn't understand why I was upset with my "gift" MissionBreadfruit9 Atleast now you can relax when he has the kiddos OOP I'll relax when they're at my parents house since he doesn't want custody of them ~ One_Welcome_5046 I would eat my own tongue before I apologize to him you make nothing up to him did he make mother's Day up to you? Please these are all grown ass men who manage their lives in every other aspect this is just laziness. OOP no, he never apologized for Mother's Day One_Welcome_5046 Throw the whole husband away my ex forgot Christmas's mother's Day's birthdays he actually said he was planning it doesn't get better it only gets worse I promise you there's freedom on the other side. OOP That's the plan Why don't they get marriage counseling? OOP He refused to go, many times, until he told me he wanted a divorce and all of a sudden it was "we don't have to go that far, what happened to 'til death do us part?' Why don't we go talk to some one, for the kids." That ship sailed long ago Mothers day is infinitely better now that I'm single then it was when I was married May 14, 2024 (7 months after 1st update & 1 year after OG post) I didn't wake up to a messy kitchen that I was excpected to clean after eating a sub par breakfast, I didn't have to fight with anyone over what "gift" I was given. I didjn't have to cook dinner after an exhusting day where I got no help or thanks from my ex. I didn't have to do anything else that I came to expect with Mother's Day. I didn't feel the stress I have felt every other Mother's Day. I got to have a lazy morning in bed with my kids, we made pancakes for brunch. They gave me cards they'd made in school. And we watched movies on the couch all day and ordered pizza for dinner and it was wonderful. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

My husband (36M) and I (33F) have been married for 8 years and have 3 kids (5, 3, and a 1-month-old infant). I am currently still recovering from my planned c-section and it is taking a lot longer than I had hoped. I am not on bedrest, but pretty darn close. Unless it's to go to the bathroom or changing or feeding my baby, I'm pretty much always sitting or laying down. I don't like it, but it's what my body needs to heal right now. Both my husband and I are still on maternity/paternity leave. Obviously, that means that pretty much every other aspect of our lives falls on my husband right now. He' been doing a great job of taking care of the older kids and making sure everything in our lives is running as smoothly as it can given our circumstances. He's also great about taking care of the baby and giving me breaks as much as he can. But I can tell it's starting to wear on him mentally and physically. Neither of us is sleeping well and I swear he looks like he's lost more weight than I have since the baby came. Due to me being pretty much immobile, I can't really go out of the house to do anything without assistance. So I wasn't able to plan anything really fun for Father's Day. I did help the older kids make him cards and ordered him some nice steaks to cook though. I felt bad because for Mother's Day he bought me a 6-hour pregnancy spa treatment and took the older kids out of the house all day so I could have peace. But on the morning of Father's Day, I was feeling worse than usual as I had to strain myself the day before to pick up something off the floor and I aggravated my incision. So, I was laid up all day. Again, this meant my husband had to do literally everything that day. By the time he got the older kids to bed, I could tell he was irritated and upset. I told him to try and relax for a bit, but then the baby started fussing and he jumped up off the couch, grabbed a pillow, and screamed into it. I tried to calm him down, but he just kept freaking out about how he's at his wits end and he needs a break and that I couldn't even find a way to give him a single hour of quiet on Father's Day. I started crying and he just looked at me and walked away to take care of the baby without saying anything. After he took care of the baby he came back to me and apologized, but he said he needs a break and he's going to talk to family about taking the older kids for a week or so and that he's just disappointed that his Father's Day was spent running around doing everything for everyone else. He didn't even get to cook his steaks, he ate cold pizza for dinner. I asked him what I was supposed to do because it's not like I can move or leave the house and he said I could have looked into a sitter for the kids or made them sit with me and watch a movie for an hour so he could have just a sliver of time for himself. He said he feels like his needs are at the bottom of the list and he just wanted to feel like he matters for one day. submitted by /u/threekidsaita to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

Me and my husband have been together for the past 9 years, we have two kids, a 8 year old and a 6 year old. For mothers day all I wanted was a free day, I wanted my husband to take the kids out somewhere for the day so I could be home alone and relax. Instead he got me and the kids tickets to have a fun day out. And it was fun, and me and the kids had a good time but it irked me that he gave me the exact opposite of what I'd asked for. For father's day my husband also wanted a free day so he could stay home and game all day. He games all the time with his friends, he'll get home from work, maybe spend the time between then and dinner with the kids before going up to his office to game for a few hours with friends. Instead, I got him and the kids cards for an arcade an hour away with a ton of tokens. I gave him the cards during dinner on Saturday so he and the kids could leave early and spend all day playing with them. I got my free day and he and the kids got to make a lot of memories together. He and I got into a fight when the kids went to bed, he was angry that I ignored what he wanted for Father's day, I was angry he didn't see that he'd done the same thing to me on mother's day. He's been ignoring me since and won't accept my apologies. TLDR: I ignored my husband's wish to have a "Free day" of fathers day and got him and the kids a day out because he did the same thing to me on mother's day and now he won't stop ignoring me or accept my apologies. Edit: Some people are thinking that me, my husband and our kids went out for Mother's Day. We didn't, I took the kids for a day out while he played video games all day with his friends. Edit: I can't believe I have to say this: I do not hate, resent or in any other way dislike my children. My point was not that going on a day out with them is terrible and I hate it. My point was that it really sucks asking for on thing and being given the opposite submitted by /u/ThrowRA-6512 to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]

My (adult) son’s boyfriend didn’t have a healthy or safe father, but he’s watched me with my son, and it’s given him a new way to understand families. I came home from work today to find this card and sticker waiting for me, with this message inside. It takes a lot for him to express his feelings this way, so this is a priceless gift from him. I’ve had a hard time recently, losing a woman I’ve been deeply in love with who chose a different guy who doesn’t treat her well, struggling with money, feeling embarrassed at not being able to do more for my sons, plus being in counseling as a survivor of domestic abuse from an ex who told me I’m worthless, stupid, ugly, and that I should have ended myself years ago. I’m slowly rebuilding my life, and things like this give me hope that I’m doing a good job. submitted by /u/Anishinaapunk to r/MadeMeSmile [link] [comments]

My husband (38M) and I (36F) have been married for 10 years and have 3 kids (8, 6, & 3). Yesterday was Mother's day and my husband is notoriously bad at gift-giving and that sort of thing. I have rather specific taste so I pretty much have to coach him on what I want for birthdays, Xmas, anniversary, etc. But to my surprise, yesterday he actually did a pretty good job. He had the kids all make me hand-made cards, made me breakfast in bed, and took the kids out of the house for the afternoon so I could get a mani-pedi and relax, and got me a nice bottle of wine with some fancy cheese and chocolate. Last night after the kids went to bed, I thanked him for a great day and expressed how surprised I was that he actually stepped up. He told me I deserve it, but also said that he hopes that I can do something similar for him for Father's day this year. I asked him what that's supposed to mean and he asked me if I remember what I did for Father's day last year, but I couldn't remember. He then reminded me that I did nothing for him for Father's day last year. Then I remembered that for Father's day last year I was at my sister's wedding. My younger sister had a small, out-of-state, childfree wedding last June, which happened to be on Father's day weekend. I was the Maid of Honor and since our kids couldn't come, my husband stayed home with them while I was gone from Thursday-Sunday. I had every intention of still doing something for him for Father's day, but I must have completely forgotten and he never brought it up to me. So I felt a little blindsided and put on the spot when he asked me to remember what I did. I told him that I'm sorry I forgot to do anything for him last year, but that I don't appreciate being put on the spot like that. I also don't appreciate the implication that I purposely forgot or did nothing for him on purpose. I had a lot of things going on at that time last year and I fully admit that I spaced it out and completely forgot. That's my fault and I accept it, but don't rub my face in it. I asked him why he didn't just bring it up to me and he said it's not his responsibility to remind me about that sort of thing. He said he didn't bring it up because he figured I would just get defensive about it and try to make excuses, exactly like I was doing right then. He then reminded me that I also "forgot" to get him anything for his birthday last year. I told him that I didn't forget, his gift was just delivered late. He then told me that he has access to our Prime account too and he saw that I didn't even order it until the day of his birthday. I told him he was being a jerk and ruining what was up until then, a perfectly good Mother's day. He said he' not trying to be a jerk, he's just letting me know that he needs to feel that there is some reciprocation for these kind of things. Now I feel like he only stepped up so he could rub it in my face that I didn't do anything for him last year. submitted by /u/momsdayaita to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

I (24F) am childfree. My entire family is fully aware of that. My parents always wanted grandchildren, and my sister has already popped out two, so fortunately they never gave me much grief for my choice. In fact, they've been as supportive as they could be. This incident happened months ago, on mother's day, but the topic has recently come up again. On mother's day lunch, my 5 yo niece gave cards to each female member of the family- my sister (her mom), my sil ( my brother's wife), her grandma and me. My card had "To the best ani (that's what she calls me) ever. Happy mother's day" Obviously she didn't make the card herself, and my sister had a hand in this. I really think this was a jab to the fact that I don't have children, so I politely refused the card, saying that I'm not your mom and you can give me a card like that on my birthday. She looked a bit upset like she was about to turn on the waterworks, but her mom said something to her and she shut up. I felt a bit bad because it wasn't my niece's fault that her mom used a mother's day card as a weapon against my choices and was about to say something when the food arrived and she quickly cheered up. My birthday was yesterday, and my niece gave me a card saying "happy birthday ani". I joked to my sister that this time it looks like a real heartfelt card inatead of a backhanded jibe at me. My sister pretended to look confused and then I reminded about the mother's day card incident. She got mad and said "oh yeah, the card you made my daughter cry over. I'm sorry your niece loves you so much that she spent her time making a mother's day card for you." I told her that she wasn't fooling anyone and there was no need to give me a mother's day card. It was also sexist to give every woman a mother's day card, even women who weren't moms. She told me that her daughter had done the same for all the male relatives on father's day too, but I think that that's beside the point as all the men in my family are fathers already. She also said that "mother's day" also applies to loving aunts. Aita? submitted by /u/hhelibebcne to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

A coworker said this to me yesterday. We were making small talk over lunch when the conversation turned to what Father's Day. It went something like this... CW : Soooo what did you get your dad for Father's Day? Me: An Armani gift card. He seemed pretty happy. CW : Oh that's nice. But you know, the greatest gift you can give him is a grandchild. So that's what you should get him next year! Me : Umm... I don't want kids. My dad knows this and doesn't put any pressure on me to have them. He's always told me to live my life the way I want to. CW : (now wearing a smug smile) Oh honey, he may say that but I'm sure that deep down this hurts him a lot. It probably makes him so sad when he sees his friends with their grandkids. I think you should just get married and have one. Me : (trying to keep my cool) You don't even know my dad, please don't make these assumptions about him. He doesn't need to have grandkids around in order to be happy. Besides, neither my boyfriend nor I want to have any. This is something of which you are well aware. (She had asked me about kids in the past and I had told her that I don't want them. I really thought that was the end of this nonsense) CW : Well.... having kids is hard but they take such good care of you when you grow old. And trust me, your father will be overjoyed when announce that you're starting a family. Me : Ok. So tell me, what did you get your dad? CW : Oh I couldn't get him anything. We have three kids, we can't really afford it. Me : Oh! So you're saying that ever since you had kids, your own parents have become less of a priority for you. CW : (now getting annoyed) NO. It's not like that. I've given my parents the greatest gift - 3 grandchildren. Something you should give your dad. Me : (writing down my dad's phone number) Here, why don't you call my dad and tell him he wants grandkids and that he just doesn't know it yet. She walked away. I know this isn't that big a deal, it's something CF people deal with all the time. But I can't help but feel annoyed. I feel like she started this conversation just so she could tell me to pop out a few kids. Would it kill people like her to respect other people's choices? submitted by /u/shygirlturnedsassy to r/TwoXChromosomes [link] [comments]