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I’m not trying to seek attention from others but I do enjoy my bikini and tan lines and I love cute dresses and tank tops all summer. He finds it disrespectful to our marriage. But then he looks at other women who do dress this way and ignores me when I’m modest. He also looks at other women online who do dress very revealing and clearly enjoys it! How do I feel good about myself when I’m shamed for the very behavior he finds stimulating when other women do it? Do other women feel this hypocrisy or am I really being disrespectful? I feel disrespected when he gets off to other women instead of noticing me. Not sure how to get him to change his views especially when I don’t see how this dynamic is safe or fair to me either. submitted by /u/Great-Cranberry-1972 to r/Marriage [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/godfather_wanderlust to r/indiasocial [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/One-Gap-1282 Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest My husband is thinking about fostering his nephews. I feel like I'm being tossed out for kids we don't even know. Trigger Warnings: mental health struggles, drug addiction, mentions trauma, developmental disabilities, ableism Original Post: March 31, 2026 I know I sound like such a bitch. My husband and I have always maintained a childfree life. I don't like kids terribly and he was the oldest of nine and raised his siblings. He loves kids but is done raising them. So he said. He studied child psychology and works with kids who've experienced trauma. Specialises in SPED. But he comes home from work every day, exhausted, talking about how glad he is that he just gets to relax with me. His sister is an addict. She's been in and out of rehab, never stayed clean. She's got two sons. A four year old & infant. Oldest has been in and out of foster care and the baby has been in the system since he was born. The four year old has recently been removed from her custody. My husband was contacted and asked if he wanted to foster them. He said yes immediately and we've got a fucking home check on Wednesday Thursday (eta: sorry I mixed up the days). I feel all kids of ways about it. I tried to talk to him, and he said it'd be hard, but he can't in good conscience let them "rot" in the system. He knows what he's doing with traumatised kids and knows how the system makes things so much worse. I'm so angry. This is my life, too. He said it's not forever, but I know him, and I know he won't let them go anywhere he doesn't one thousand percent approve of. He'd never foster any other kids. He's made jokes about how awful it is to be a foster parent because they try their best and get their shit ruined by kids who can't exist in their own minds. He knows this life inside and out. Why is it different just because they're related to him? I know I sound awful, but we don't know these kids. We've never met them. I don't understand why he feels so righteous about "saving" these kids. If they weren't related to him he wouldn't give a flying fuck. I know we won't survive. I can't even cope with a cat. I had a breakdown when we had one. We had to get rid of her because I couldn't cope. And he expects me to just live with two kids? I don't want our life together to be over. I'm so angry at him and I feel awful for being angry that he's improving lives. Ugh. Editor’s note: OOP made lots of comments in the original post, I am listing the significant ones as they provide more details that were not covered Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I guess you just don't have a good family or empathy for small children. OOP: I feel the same way about family I know vs family I don't. What separates these kids from random kids? Why foster these kids if he wouldn't have ever fostered a strangers child? I was adopted so maybe my view of blood relation is warped that way, but blood doesn't change anything in this situation. Commenter 2: If you have a breakdown over a cat maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship. OOP: We've been married for six years, together for almost fifteen. I just don't enjoy little life forms clinging to me and screaming at me and injuring me when I'm trying to relax after work. OOP explains more about her background and preferences OOP: I am autistic. I have been to therapy and have been medicated. I prefer to live my life the way I am. My house is my safe space where I can untether myself and exist without constraints. If I suddenly had to deal with kids here I would lose my mind. I know parents do not choose to be miserable. A lot of parents love their kids, even though the miserable parts. My mom says her favourite part of parenting me as a kid was helping me through meltdowns and tantrums. Which is true, I remember her being amazing and sweet through it all. Even now she helps out at respite facilities because she likes helping people. My idea of hell. But my mom is a woman who was designed for motherhood. There are a lot of people like her. I am not one of them. I didn't mean to be condescending. I was just explaining my point of view. OOP on her breakdown with the cat OOP: I have a very specific schedule with my husband. I wake up first, work the early shift, and then come home before him so I can have a couple hours to relax before he gets home. Because I woke up first she was under my feet constantly. I fed her, but then she would eat and put her feet in my coffee, scream at me, jump into my breakfast. Vet told me to play with her so I did, but that didn't help. That was okay, but then when I got home, because she'd been alone for so long she was so clingy. She'd jump all over me, scream, scratch. I coped until I couldn't anymore. Which was like, three months. I know they say it takes time to settle but she just kept getting worse. I think she was too lonely for us. So we gave her to my friend. She's a much happier cat now. I still see her regularly. I have my rabbits and fish. She used to attack them which definitely didn't help me cope with her at all. + The cat was supposed to be separated from the rabbits and fish, which she was, but because she was so clingy it was hard to get into rooms without her also getting in. We weighed up pros and cons for months in regards to the cat. My husband doesn't really care for my rabbits and he wanted a pet. She was supposed to be his, I just ended up dealing with her because she became clingy to me. We met her several times over the course of a month. I had my breakdown three months in, we continued to try for a month, but we couldn't. She's now happier and calmed down instantly. Commenter 3: Where are his other siblings? Btw you’re right, he should have discussed it with you before making such a huge decision that changes both of your lives. It’s time to separate OOP: They already have kids mostly. A couple live way out of state. Commenter 4: I understand the kids have been in foster care a lot, just wondering if you interact with his other nieces and nephew? And what was the reason you never met these kids before? Other than foster care? Or are you child free and not even a good aunty OOP: We see our nieces and nephews regularly. We'd never met these two because my husband is no contact with his sister. OOP on her husband being one of nine, any siblings are not available to take in the kids? OOP: No. Three are minors, two have kids, two are out of state. His parents aren't fit either. Commenter 5: I'm wondering if your husband chose you because of your issues. Not the child-free part - you're certainly allowed to have that choice, but the part where you claim to have about had a nervous breakdown trying to take care of a cat. That's ridiculously over-the-top language to use and it makes you sound overly dramatic. It doesn't take much to get to know a literal infant. OOP: Probably. He likes helping people. We met because I was put in Gen Ed as a trial program and they set him up to be my "buddy" for my first week. He's been obsessed with me ever since. OOP's and her husband's ages OOP: Twenty nine. OOP on her struggles as an autistic person OOP: As an autistic person you should know that we are all different. I don't mind dirty or messy or stinky. I have rabbits. They're so gross. I love them so much. I also have fish, who don't smell as such, but are effort. My house is the place I get to recover from life. Everything is where it's supposed to be. I get to come home from work, have a snack, and lie in a dark room for two hours with my fish. I couldn't even do that with a cat. How am I supposed to do that with kids? Kids are loud. They mess things up. They never give you alone time. Babies wake up at night. I'd probably have to get rid of my room so they could have a bedroom so I wouldn't even have a place to detox. I don't like speaking when I get home. Kids don't understand sign language. I could teach them, but they'd take time and I'd just get frustrated. I've worked so hard to be somewhat functional. Kids would mess that all up. + The way I exist works for me. I have come a long way since I was a child. There is not much more "growing" I can do. I'm on the brink of a meltdown almost constantly. Therapy made me worse so I'm just coping. These are my strategies to not be a drain on society. I do not avoid anything in my daily life. I just need a safe space. That space is my home. My husband is a child psychologist. I know how children develop, and even "good" children, raised well from birth with no disabilities or behavioural concerns (which is unlikely for both of these children) would be too much for me on a day to day. In order for me to survive with kids, not even being a good parent just not losing it on them, I'd have to quit my job and move back in with my moms and just come home periodically. I don't want that. I like being independent. I love my parents, but I'll always be that "profoundly autistic" little girl to them. And when I'm with them my behaviours do revert. It's going to happen anyway. My husband wants the boys, and I could never stop him. Until I could get my own place I'd have to go back to my parents. But if I'm back there I'll just end up dependent again and then I'll probably never move out. And boom. Life over. I'd probably be happier, but I don't want to rely on them. When they die it'll be so much harder for me to exist.   Update: April 2, 2026 (two days later) Update on my husband fostering his nephews. Hi. I didn't expect my post to blow up. I want to start by confirming that yes, I am autistic, and I was considered "profoundly autistic" as a child. Now would be diagnosed as level two or three. I have worked very hard to be as functional as I am. I am not against children as a concept, I just can't cope with them. I made a mistake in my original post where I said the home inspection was on Wednesday. I meant Thursday, which is today. I prewrote the post a few days ago and decided to post on a whim. Anyway. This morning I showed my post to my husband. He said he read it, but then we had the social worker over, and things were kind of insane. The social worker ended up telling us that we didn't pass a home inspection. We have a list of things we need to change, and we have another inspection booked for next week. Unfortunately one of the concerns the SW had was my pets. I have free range rabbits and several fish tanks, which pose several different risks. The fish tanks are able to be pulled from shelves, a child could fall into my big one, lots of wires that are very grabbable. The rabbits are just bite risks, and they poop all over. Obviously I clean up after them but if a child were to put a dropping in their mouth that would not be great. I sat down with my husband after she left. Laid my feelings out, and my new concerns in regards to my animals. I can move my fish tanks to a locked room (my "office") but my rabbits are still free roam. Not to mention my rabbits room (where they go at night) or my office will be needed as a bedroom. So either my fish or my rabbits have to go because they can't be in the same room. I was upset, but I understand more now why he feels the need to take the boys in. Everyone who said they are a connection to his sister was right. We both cried. We love each other but we don't see a way to make this work. He feels strongly about saving them. We both know I could never cope with them. I don't want to have to pick between my rabbits and my fish. I called my parents. They have said I can move back home if I need. I'm unhappy with it, as they are very overbearing and all independence I've worked hard to develop will essentially be gone. But beggers can't be choosers, and I'm not getting divorced, so that's a win. Nothing is set in stone. We're going to see how the inspections and things work out first. But this is probably what's going to happen. To everyone who asked me how he was going to manage them all he said his other sister is happy to help while works, she just couldn't foster them because she doesn't have enough space. Which is true. She has six kids in one bedroom already. I hope this explained everything. I enjoy replying to comments so I will still be replying to comments here and on my other post. Thank you. Relevant Comments Downvoted Commenter: Why. Are. You. Giving. Him. The. House? Tell him it's on. Court. You are entitled to minimum half of that place. Grow a spine and get a lawyer. OOP: We aren't divorcing. Just living separately for the time being. It's his house anyway. Commenter 1: Are you aware moving out may also be seen as a negative to the social worker since it’s reducing it to a one “parent” household instead of a stable two “parent” household? Is your husband aware that any care for them by non-household adults (even family members) would need to be approved - and if his other sister already has 6 kids in one bedroom, she’s unlikely to be approved due to space and safety for even occasional care and may have an investigation opened on her too in the process due to inadequate living conditions for her own kids? OOP: Yes. But these are our circumstances. It'll either work or it won't. SIL has contacted cps herself for help with housing. They know her situation. Commenter 2: This already seems like progress from the original post. I really hope you two can figure everything out. As a side note: people have rabbits and fish and children coexist in a household. I’m not saying it’s the right fit for you, but it is possible if you decide to go that route. Best of luck to you! OOP: Thank you. I honestly didn't think my animals would be an issue, but CPS don't want them in the house so. My rabbits are terrible. They can't share a room with the fish at all lol. Commenter 3: A third option is to move houses, not move out. Do what you have to for now, but intentionally move to a house where this is more viable. 1) Rabbits pooping all over the house is not “free range” nor is it sanitary for adults. They don’t really eat meat so it’s not terrible, but it’s definitely not good. 2) Some houses have elevated recesses for tvs, etc. that could safely house fish tanks. 3) If you insist on the rabbits roaming freely, semi-permanent baby gates exist that cannot be readily breeched by child or sedentary bunny. OOP: The moving out is for me as well as the animals. I won't be able to cope without decent alone time. One rabbit is litter trained, the other one just doesn't care. I've tried, but it hasn't worked, so I follow him around with a little poop bag when he's exploring. Fish tanks need to be locked away ideally as I don't want to secure them to a wall (my other "option"). I can't use baby gates because the rabbits chew them. Commenter 4: What kind of family did your husband come from? None of them seem to have adult coping skills. Well, except for your husband, though he doesn't seem to have a full grasp on what it takes to raise troubled children. OOP: He's a child psychologist who specialises in SPED (and foster kids, unintentionally). His family is mostly dysfunctional though. OOP explains why she can't live alone OOP: I'm not functional as a person. I don't like eating. If someone doesn't force me I won't eat. I get overwhelmed with messes that don't have a scheduled clean up. Ie, dishes I can't do spontaneously, because theres always new dishes and different foods. But my rabbits have the same clean up routine every day so I do that without issue. There's probably some I don't even know about yet because I've always had someone to help. Commenter 5: During the home inspection, did anyone ask or did you voice your reluctance to be a foster parent? That should be a priority to those who decide. OOP: I wasn't speaking at the time. My husband explained it to the social worker and they said my interview would be held at a later date with an interpreter on standby. I'm not sure why I couldn't just type but 🤷🏻‍♀️. Commenter 5: You’re a non-verbal person? I’m curious how an interpreter would work for you. Feel free to say if you wish. 🙂 OOP: I'm not always nonverbal. I think I'm diagnosed as selectively mute, but I was nonverbal until I was like nine. I use sign language a lot of the time. My husband’s dad is deaf, so he taught me sign language when we met so I'd have more authority over what I was saying rather than being forced to use the words I was offered on cards. I would have all of my feelings and wants cards and I'd have to put two together to communicate. Like, if I was mad because there was too much noise, I would use "mad" and "loud" so then caregivers/parents/etc would turn all noise off, or remove me. When in reality there was just too many noises. So I'd get even more upset, because I still wanted the music, but I wanted the blinds to stop rattling. Sign language gave me the ability to tell people that the blinds were too loud, rather than just using my "loud" card. You know? Anyway, so that's what the interpreter would be for.   Help with processing separation from my husband/caregiver due to kids?: April 3, 2026 (next day) I don't know if the title makes any sense. I'm not very good with words but I'm hoping my post will help explain. I didn't really know what flair to use. I am autistic and was diagnosed "profound" as a child (4yo in 2001). There have been some debates about whether that’s true or not. I now sit at level 2 with level 3 traits. I've worked really hard to be where I am. My husband has been one of my main supporters since we were kids and has always supported me in my independence. I rely on very strict routines to remain functional. Unfortunately my husband’s sister had lost custody of her kids and my husband is taking them in. I cannot function with kids, at all, as they will disrupt my routines. Because of this I'm having to move out and back in with my parents. It's very stressful and overwhelming in itself, but my parents aren't as big on me being independent, and I definitely regress in behaviours when I'm with them. It will make things much harder for me long term. My husband is doing a good thing. I'm happy for him. But this is still very scary for me. I made a couple other posts about the situation, and someone told me to post here for advice or support. I don't know if anyone else has been through this, but I'd appreciate anything. Thank you. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Can you build a granny flat for you to live in or convert the basement to a separate living space then your husband and the children live in the main house. You are close enough to maintain your relationship and support each other whilst having a calm space with no interruptions to your routine. I am only ADHD but suspect AuDHD, I thought my coping strategies were strong enough and chose to have one child, but my child has messed with my regulating routines, and I completely understand why you can't live with children. OOP: We talked about it but decided it would probably still be best if I stay with my parents just because he doesn't know how much time he'll have to help me, especially considering the fact that I will probably have more meltdowns with change. Commenter 2: OP, I went back and read all of your posts about this situation. My heart breaks for you. I don’t have any advice, because this would be a dealbreaker for me. If my SO was in agreement for TWENTY YEARS that we would remain child free for our lives together and then suddenly told me that I have to upend my entire life, move my animals, and essentially be forced to agree to separate in my marriage for children that I have never met… I would not be handing things as well as you are. OOP: We've only known each other for twenty three years. We only discussed not having kids maybe ten years ago. I know the information doesn't change your comment but I'm pedantic like that. But thank you. I had my little meltdown about it when he told me. But I think my inability to process emotions well helped me? Not really sure. It definitely sucked. Commenter 3: I don’t have any advice but here to support. You seem like a kind and thoughtful person who is willing to do this to accommodate family needs and also do what’s best for you. I wonder if you are able to share your fears with your parents and set some boundaries to maintain your independence? In any case, sending you love and I hope everything goes smoothly 💗 OOP Thank you. I have spoken to them about it several times, but a decent amount is involuntary too.   AITAH For moving out while my husband fosters his nephews?: April 4, 2026 (next day) My husband wanted me to post because he was enjoying reading comments on my other posts. Posted with his permission. I am a relatively high needs autistic woman, and my husband is my caregiver. We are child free because I can not live with children due to overwhelming me. He received a call station his sisters kids were in need of a foster home. He agreed readily. This caused friction because I wasn't consulted and ended up being blindsided. The situation is impossible for me to live in and so I was very upset. I struggled to understand why he was doing this to us. I made a post on a subreddit, and a lot of people told me to either deal or leave my husband so he could find someone who deserves him. I ended up showing him the post and we had a long conversation where he explained why he couldn't let his nephews go into foster care. Because of that I am having to move back in with my parents and periodically come home to see him and the children in short bursts. I will either move back when they go back to their mom or when they're older and can understand rules and boundaries. When I made an update post, I ended up receiving a lot of hate still because people believe my husband needs to divorce me as I'm not being a good wife and helping with the children, as well as reducing his likelihood of being passed as a foster carer as a single father. AITAH For moving out? I hope this post is formatted correctly. I'm not really sure what I'm doing. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: The fact that you refer to your husband as your caregiver makes me sad for your husband . It sounds like all you care about is what he does for you. Marriage is a partnership and you’ve delegated him to caregiver . OOP: He is my caregiver. He cares for me. He is still my husband first and foremost. Commenter 2: I understand why he is supporting his sister's kids. It sounds like it was sudden. But you also have to take care of you. Maybe by visiting and getting doses of the kids on your terms, might help you down the road OOP: That is the plan! Commenter 3: NTA. But curious? Did you work on this/consult with a professional to be sure you couldn't learn to tolerate them? Also not calling your spouse an AH but if you actually need care it's kind of a strange choice to take in others who keep him from being your caregiver...or does he not think you need it? It seems like an ok compromise...but I'm just idk if I was caregiver for my spouse they'd have to come first unless I had my own kids maybe. OOP: I have worked with lots of therapists. My life is mostly set up of very structured routines to keep myself on track and kids are too unpredictable. He knew if all else failed my parents would look after me. Commenter 4: So can you live on your own or is your husband your 24/7 caretaker? Was he your same level of caretaker in this same scenario when he proposed? Or have you required more assistance from him since you were married? Does your husband have any outside support or is he your sole caregiver? OOP: I can't live alone, but don't need 24/7 care. I was a lot worse when I was younger. I've worked hard on developing routines to keep myself safe and calm. He's known me for twenty three years. He sought me out to date and then marry. He was fully consenting here. He has therapy and I go to my parents rarely when he desperately needs a break, but that's usually when I'm having back to back meltdowns. Commenter 5: Info: I am a relatively high needs autistic woman, and my husband is my caregiver. What does this mean? His sole job is to.... care giver for your needs? You are unable to function on a day-to-day basis? OOP: He helps me be functional. I don't need 24/7 care, and most of the time I am fairly okay, but I do meltdown and struggle with a lot of things that he helps me deal with. If he needs a break I go back to my parents. + He cooks and cleans unless he helps me do them. I can't do things that don't have a specific constant and then they lead to meltdowns. I can do things like frozen meals because it's the same every time. Although I also have a lot of issues with food and eating, so that's the biggest thing he helps me with.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/footballfriends1 Originally posted to r/relationship_advice My husband (33M) wants me (33F) to dress more revealing Trigger Warnings: internalized misogyny and body image issues Original Post: February 27, 2026 Husband and I have been together 15 years and throughout our relationship I have been a conservatively dressed frumpier woman. My clothes look good on me but it's a lot of looser fits, high necklines, sweaters, etc. I am also the mom of a toddler. Recently my husband and I went shopping with my younger sisters, who are in their mid 20s and are skinny and single. They bought stuff that suited their lifestyle. Short skirts, low necks, flashy, etc. It all looked great on them. My husband kept encouraging me to try on that kind of stuff and I politely declined. Later he told me that he would love it if I showed more skin, at least at home if not out and about. We live in the Midwest and I am cold about 9 months of the year, so I am always completely covered and wrapped in a blanket to boot. I laughed this off thinking he was just being silly. But he was very serious. We don't have the greatest sex life, being together so long and having a toddler, but it's not terrible and I do take off my clothes at that time, just not every day. I told him that scandalous clothes simply don't fit my lifestyle, but he keeps insisting I try it. I am a larger woman and the clothes he admires simply would not work for me. I'm wondering if I should just ignore his request or have another talk with him? Compromise somehow? What's the best way forward? *Tl;Dr husband wants middle aged wife to dress more revealing. Wife is uncomfortable* Editor's note: please note that many of OOP's responses were downvoted, but they provide more details Relevant Comments Commenter 1: That's really, really sad. Perhaps you need to reevaluate some things and invest in mental health support. OOP: I like my life. It's just tiring, and being tired makes me feel middle aged. It's not deeper than that. Commenter 2: Of course it’s deeper than that. No 33 year-old describes themselves as middle aged. Your husband sees a problem and is trying to get his young, sexy wife back. OOP: This is the thing. I have always dressed and looked this way. He's never had a "young, sexy wife". he's had a more elegant, casual, conservatively dressed wife. Commenter 3: you called yourself frumpy and always wrapped in a blanket, that’s not elegantly casual. OOP: lol, I guess my work/leaving the house attire is different from home attire. I'm cold! I have to stay warm in the house! It's either blankets, sweat suits, or a very thick robe. Commenter 4: Are you leaving the house often? Is your LO in day care or are you mostly at home taking care of them? OOP: We both work. I have hobbies that involve me leaving the house as well. Commenter 5: Do you and your husband go on date nights where you dress up? You don't need to dress in a way that's antithetical to your style or comfort, but it sounds like he may be expressing some desire for less frumpy middle-aged bundle mode and a bit more wife mode. How would he characterize your sex life? "Not great but not terrible" isn't exactly a ringing endorsement in the first place, but I suspect he might lean more towards terrible than great in his own estimation. Being parents of a toddler is hard, and that's why it's extra important to make sure you're nurturing the relationship as well, not just the parent side of things. That includes intimacy. Sounds like you two need to have an honest talk about your "not great" sex life and how to work on feeling more physically connected. And yeah, that might occasionally mean turning up the thermostat a bit and putting away the sweats. OOP: Dress up dates, not often, but when we go I have nice modest clothing that I wear. Our sex life is not great. His sex drive is lower than mine. I've gotten used to it Commenter 6: I think self-describing yourself as a "conservatively dressed frumpier woman" makes your husband's request sound a lot more reasonable to me. Leave the toddler out of it. You've been together for 15 years and only a had a toddler for maybe three years. That's roughly 12 years of being frumpy. No wonder your sex life suffers. Your husband wants you to be sexier, but you've basically given up. Certainly there is some middle ground between what you consider "scandalous" and "frumpy." There has to be a way that you can show off a little for your husband and still feel comfortable. OOP: I feel that he knows how I dress. It's been consistent for years. Why change now, especially now that I'm running around a toddler and am definitely older. I want to appease him but showing skin isn't practical in the winter, and tight outfits show off the postpartum body in ways I don't like. I don't know how to honor his request and feel comfortable OOP needs to get therapy to deal with her unresolved issues that she has OOP: I have been to therapy and have focused a lot on decentering my looks and the pressure to be sexy. Embracing the things I do like about myself and leaving behind what I don't. Commenter 7: 33 isn’t middle aged! Why not buy some sexy lingerie for his eyes only instead and be proactive about wearing it to bed and initiating? OOP: He doesn't like lingerie, it puts pressure on him and feels like trying too hard. He wants "casually sexy clothing". Commenter 7: Well do you like lingerie? Could that be your compromise? At least a sexy bra or something you could start by wearing under your clothes. Personally I won’t be interested in sex if I don’t feel sexy. I understand you don’t want to wear different clothes but tbh I don’t see the harm in trying something that could potentially help you feel better about yourself or feel more sexy and maybe help your sex life. And if you try it and don’t like then oh well at least you tried. I might be wrong but your post reads as if you don’t have a lot of self-confidence. The sexiest thing a woman can wear is confidence! Also I don’t think anyone would consider 33 Middle Aged that’s just madness. OOP: I don't personally like lingerie. I have a hard to find bra size so my three bras are aggressively practical. I feel pretty good about myself in the clothes I wear! I love clothes and thrive in looser fitting, colorful yet conservative wear.   Update: March 30, 2026 (one month later) Update: my husband (33M) wants me (33F) to dress more revealing I posted a little while ago about this dilemma. My husband wants me to start showing cleavage and leg while we're around the house. I have always dressed conservatively and now that I have a toddler, this feels even more impractical. So, a few days after posting, I humored him by taking him shopping. I asked him to pick out stuff that he wanted me to wear, and agreed to try them on in the dressing room. He picked out all the expected stuff. Lace camis, deep necklines. Even a few pairs of shorts and one of those ridiculous bloomer things. I tried them all on and then showed him how difficult each one would be. This top while bending to pick up toys. These shorts while changing diapers. How everything rides up and slips and would require constant adjustment. After a while of this, he backed off. Apologized. Agreed he would not ask for any of that again. Unfortunately, it appears he might have developed some kind of Madonna complex. We have not had sex since that day. He does not find my current persona sexually appealing anymore. He's dissatisfied with us having sex with the lights off, even though that's how we've always done it. So we're at a bit of a stalemate now. Is there a way we can reach a compromise that allows me to be comfortable and him to have some level of arousal? Or do we stick to the status quo? Editor's note: OOP made lots of responses, I am listing top common questions and responses Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Why not try to find a special outfit for “occasions”? I saw in your other post you keep saying you’re middle aged at 33… I’m 40 and refuse to use those words. Are you feeling ok? OOP: I am a tired mom. I've felt middle aged for a while. I feel ok but I also take antidepressants and have for many years Commenter 2: How much mental load does your husband take on? OOP: The majority. He's a great parent Commenter 3: You did not “humor” him. That implies giving things a genuine shot in good faith. It seems that your intention was to school him and show why what he wants is wrong, and to make him feel your pain. It seems to me that instead of fixating on sexy clothing as a proxy issue, you two should seek couples counseling with the aim of generally improving your sex life and communication around sex. Is this something each of you is open to? OOP: You're right. I was hurt and acted out of anger. I felt like he was asking for something so impractical and selfish that my feelings were hurt OOP on her physical shape OOP: I am a larger woman with a lot of lumps and bumps, lol. I prefer conservative items that cover my body. Commenter 4: Question - do you like your body? Do you find your body attractive and sexy aside from your husband's desire? Do you see your body as more than what it did - bear a child? Your personal style is one thing, but you seem to describe your body in a negative way and highlight what you perceive as flaws. I think this is especially common for women after pregnancy. If you don't like your body it doesn't really matter what you wear. You'll never feel comfortable because it's not about the clothes, it's about your self-image. I could be wrong, but it seems like the other things are symptoms of a much deeper root. I'd try working on that while talking with your husband. My guess is it never really occurred to him and so his request has triggered a subconscious or unspoken insecurity. OOP: I do not. I have never liked my body. Therapy has helped me see my body as a tool rather than an aesthetic thing. I focus on what it can do rather than what it looks like. I cover what displeases me and focus on what I like. I have always dressed and acted this way, even pre motherhood Commenter 5: Reading this post and then your comments about your own body is making me wonder if this is a you issue instead. You seem to be very adverse to showing off your body. Were you like this before the baby, or has pregnancy ruined your self-image? Either way, recommend some soul searching. Clearly, your husband loves you (even if his attempts to show it are misguided). You need to love you, too. OOP: I have always been this way Commenter 6: I’m curious how he dresses and if it’s appealing to you. Because most of the guys who requested I wear specific items of clothing did not dress to a standard I found appealing. OOP: He wears what he likes. I've never been invested in his looks or clothing OOP on her family OOP We both work outside the home. He is a fantastic parent and partner. Our child is around 18 months.   ----NEW UPDATE---- DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED I (33F) am trying to improve my intimate life with my husband (33M) and am struggling?: April 7, 2026 (one week later) I can't officially update per subreddit rules but I posted here a bit over a week ago about my husband wanting me to wear shorts/tanks/etc around the house and me disliking my body and wanting to cover up as much as possible. Well, my husband saw the posts and we talked about it. I have made inquiries about finding a new therapist and so that is in the works. We planned to try intimacy with a lamp on so he could see me a little. My husband was very loving and encouraging. He agreed to put the request for new wardrobe on hold while I pull myself together. And then stuff got worse. I am a hobbyist writer attempting to get a novel published (I write every day from 4 to 7 AM, it is the thing I love most in life). After two failed novels my agent officially dropped me. Now I don't just feel middle aged. I feel old and dried up and so defeated. All I have ever wanted to do is be a writer and now I'm even further than ever before. It's like, I'm not beautiful or successful or smart but I can write...now I don't even have that. So yeah. At an absolute low point. My question is, how can I take care of my marriage and my family and myself in this state? I feel like I can't lean on him because he's going through his own stuff and I don't really have anyone else to turn to either. I've kind of lost all my friends these past few years, mostly due to jealousy about everyone else's successes. My own fault. It's all my own fault.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT Original OP, OOP is u/pissedsister posting in r/relationships Mood spoilers: Frustrating but a satisfying resolution Trigger warning: Sexual harassment ——————————————— [Original | July 9th, 2015] My sister [18F] is trying to seduce my [24F] boyfriend [24M]. I live with said sister. She's started college this summer and my parents asked if she could live with me because 1) she was going to school in the same city that I work in and 2) I was looking for a roommate anyway. We're not that close and I'm not a big fan of my parents, but I agreed because it seemed like a way to get us closer and she wouldn't be able to afford an apartment on her own. Every time I bring my boyfriend over to the apartment and we hang out in the common areas (cooking dinner or watching netflix in the living room), my sister Hannah deliberately seems to hang out only in her underwear. Sometimes she will blatantly walk into our line of sight in her thong and tank top. My bf (of 3 years) handles it like a champ and looks elsewhere. I have explicitly told Hannah it's inappropriate to be walking around in her underwear with company over (and she never does this to anyone but him) and to cut it out, but she says he's "like family" so he shouldn't care and "she just wants to be comfortable in her own space." Whenever we go into my bedroom, she will find excuses to knock, barge in, or otherwise interrupt--sexy times or not. She'll complain that she's "lonely" and wants the three of us to hang out, but ONLY has this desire when she sees that we've gone into my bedroom. Or she'll make excuses as to why she needs one of us right now (one time she asked him to go into her room to "kill a spider".) I've told her to leave us alone when we go in there but she doesn't fucking listen. He's told me that when I'm not around (in the bathroom or doing something else out of earshot), Hannah will come into the room and try to initiate all sorts of "casual" talk about sex with him. "What's your favorite position? Mine's X." Or "I bet all the girls were after you before you met OP, how many girls have you hooked up with? Boys in my school always wanted to hook up with me." Or she will try to model outfits and ask if he thinks she looks hot. According to him he either flat out ignores her or says he's not interested in talking about this with her. Finally, I went into her room the other day to retrieve my makeup and perfume (which she keeps stealing) and saw her facebook was open on her laptop. I noticed that one of the chats had pictures of my boyfriend in it, which is why I read it. She was chatting with her best friend and the conversation was: Hannah: OMG he's coming over today submitted by

Not theory. Not 10 tips for mental clarity. Previous post was removed but I made some edits to ensure it doesn't break any rules. These are the interventions that produced measurable changes in my cognition when I tested them one at a time with a 2 week baseline between each. I used Cambridge Brain Sciences daily at 7am to track working memory, reasoning, and verbal ability. Same time, same conditions, fasted. Here is what actually did something. Tier 1: The stuff that worked immediately and obviously CO2 management. Bought a $40 CO2 monitor. My bedroom was hitting 1,800ppm by 5am with the door closed. A Harvard study showed cognitive scores drop roughly 50% at 1,400ppm compared to 550ppm baseline. I cracked the window 2 inches. Never exceeded 700ppm again. Morning grogginess I had blamed on sleep quality for years was largely gone within 3 days. Cost: $40 once. Morning electrolytes before caffeine. 500ml water with 1/4 tsp salt and a squeeze of lemon within 20 minutes of waking. Before coffee. Before anything. Research shows 1 to 2% dehydration impairs working memory and you will not feel thirsty at that level. After 8 hours of sleeping you are dehydrated. Most people's first move is coffee which is a mild diuretic. You are draining an already dry system. This took 3 days to notice. Working memory scores up about 15% on testing mornings where I did this versus did not. Phone in another room during deep work. Ward et al. 2017 in JACR showed the mere presence of a smartphone on your desk reduces available cognitive capacity even face down and on silent. I tested this for 2 weeks phone on desk versus 2 weeks phone in kitchen. The difference in sustained focus was not subtle. Verbal fluency scores were consistently higher on phone-away days. Tier 2: The stuff that took 2 to 4 weeks but the effect was real Ferritin optimization. Mine was 22. Doctor said normal. It is not normal for brain function. Soppi 2018 showed cognitive symptoms at ferritin 15 to 30 that resolved above 50. I took iron bisglycinate 25mg every other day. Not daily. Research shows alternate day dosing has better fractional absorption because hepcidin peaks 24 hours after a dose and blocks absorption of the next one. At week 6 my ferritin was 58. Processing speed on cognitive testing improved noticeably around week 4. Vitamin D loading. Mine was 19 ng/mL in February. Supplemented 5,000 IU daily for 8 weeks then dropped to 3,000 IU maintenance. Retested at 52 ng/mL. The fog improvement was gradual. Not a single moment where it kicked in. More like I looked back at my scores after 6 weeks and realized the bad days had stopped. If you live above 35° latitude and have not tested your D levels you are probably deficient October through March. Magnesium glycinate 400mg before bed. Slutsky et al. published in Neuron 2010 showing magnesium enhances learning and memory. Serum magnesium is a garbage test because it only drops when you are severely depleted. Most people in western countries are sub clinically deficient. The sleep improvement was the first thing I noticed. Deeper sleep within 3 nights. The cognitive effect followed the better sleep by about a week. Do not use magnesium oxide. Bioavailability is terrible. Glycinate or threonate. Tier 3: The stuff people do not want to hear Caffeine elimination. I tapered from 400mg per day to zero over 8 weeks. Days 1 through 3 at each step down were rough. By week 10 at zero caffeine my baseline cognitive scores were higher than my best caffeinated scores. Caffeine does not add energy. It blocks adenosine receptors. Your brain compensates by building more receptors. Now you need caffeine to reach the baseline you would have had without it. I was borrowing from tomorrow every single day for 12 years. 30 minutes of cardio. Not negotiable. Not replaceable with supplements. A single session increases BDNF by 200 to 300%. One session. BDNF is the protein that drives neuroplasticity and repair. A year of regular walking increased hippocampal volume by 2% in clinical trials. That is 1 to 2 years of age related brain shrinkage reversed. Nothing in a capsule does this. Nothing. Cutting alcohol entirely. Not reducing. Cutting. A 2017 BMJ longitudinal study followed 550 people for 30 years. Even "moderate" drinkers at 14 to 21 units per week had significantly increased hippocampal atrophy. Ebrahim et al. showed alcohol destroys deep sleep architecture at any dose. I wore a sleep tracker. Zero deep sleep on drinking nights versus 80 to 90 minutes without. That was enough data. I stopped. Tier 4: The testing that found the actual root cause Full panel bloodwork. Not a CBC. Not a basic metabolic. This is what I asked for specifically: ferritin (not just hemoglobin), B12, folate, 25-OH vitamin D, RBC magnesium, TSH plus free T4 plus TPO antibodies, fasting insulin, HbA1c, CRP. Two things came back off that my DR never would have caught. The ferritin at 22 and the vitamin D at 19. Both technically in range. Both functionally impairing my brain. What did not work: Lion's mane. Took it for 8 weeks. No measurable change on cognitive testing. Maybe it works for some people. Did nothing for me. Alpha GPC. Same. 8 weeks. Nothing on testing. Noopept. Slight subjective feeling of clarity. Nothing on objective testing. Stopped. Modafinil. Worked acutely. Tolerance built within 2 weeks. Sleep quality tanked. Net negative after a month. What people do not want to accept: The boring stuff works. The exciting stuff mostly does not. Fixing your air, water, iron, vitamin D, magnesium, sleep, movement, and removing alcohol and excess caffeine will do more for your cognition than every nootropic stack on this sub combined. I know because I tested both. One at a time. With a cognitive testing baseline. The supplements are a rounding error on top of the fundamentals. Fix the fundamentals first or you are optimizing a system that is broken at the foundation. Studies referenced: Allen JG et al. CO2 and cognitive function scores. Environ Health Perspect. 2016. DOI: 10.1289/ehp.1510037 Armstrong LE et al. Mild dehydration affects mood in healthy young women. J Nutr. 2012. DOI: 10.3945/jn.111.142000 Ward AF et al. Brain Drain: smartphone presence reduces cognitive capacity. JACR. 2017. DOI: 10.1086/691462 - Soppi ET. Iron deficiency without anemia — a clinical challenge. Clin Case Rep. 2018;6(6):1082-1086. DOI: 10.1002/ccr3.1529 Slutsky I et al. Enhancement of learning and memory by elevating brain magnesium. Neuron. 2010. DOI: 10.1016/j.neuron.2009.12.026 Topiwala A et al. Moderate alcohol consumption as risk factor for adverse brain outcomes. BMJ. 2017. DOI: 10.1136/bmj.j2353 Ebrahim IO et al. Alcohol and sleep. Alcohol Clin Exp Res. 2013. DOI: 10.1111/acer.12006 submitted by /u/Sureokgo to r/selfimprovement [link] [comments]

Not theory. Not 10 tips for mental clarity. These are the interventions that produced measurable changes in my cognition when I tested them one at a time with a 2 week baseline between each. I used Cambridge Brain Sciences daily at 7am to track working memory, reasoning, and verbal ability. Same time, same conditions, fasted. Here is what actually did something. Tier 1: The stuff that worked immediately and obviously CO2 management. Bought a $40 CO2 monitor. My bedroom was hitting 1,800ppm by 5am with the door closed. A Harvard study showed cognitive scores drop roughly 50% at 1,400ppm compared to 550ppm baseline. I cracked the window 2 inches. Never exceeded 700ppm again. Morning grogginess I had blamed on sleep quality for years was largely gone within 3 days. Cost: $40 once. Morning electrolytes before caffeine. 500ml water with 1/4 tsp salt and a squeeze of lemon within 20 minutes of waking. Before coffee. Before anything. Research shows 1 to 2% dehydration impairs working memory and you will not feel thirsty at that level. After 8 hours of sleeping you are dehydrated. Most people's first move is coffee which is a mild diuretic. You are draining an already dry system. This took 3 days to notice. Working memory scores up about 15% on testing mornings where I did this versus did not. Phone in another room during deep work. Ward et al. 2017 in JACR showed the mere presence of a smartphone on your desk reduces available cognitive capacity even face down and on silent. I tested this for 2 weeks phone on desk versus 2 weeks phone in kitchen. The difference in sustained focus was not subtle. Verbal fluency scores were consistently higher on phone-away days. Tier 2: The stuff that took 2 to 4 weeks but the effect was real Ferritin optimization. Mine was 22. Doctor said normal. It is not normal for brain function. Soppi 2018 showed cognitive symptoms at ferritin 15 to 30 that resolved above 50. I took iron bisglycinate 25mg every other day. Not daily. Research shows alternate day dosing has better fractional absorption because hepcidin peaks 24 hours after a dose and blocks absorption of the next one. At week 6 my ferritin was 58. Processing speed on cognitive testing improved noticeably around week 4. Vitamin D loading. Mine was 19 ng/mL in February. Supplemented 5,000 IU daily for 8 weeks then dropped to 3,000 IU maintenance. Retested at 52 ng/mL. The fog improvement was gradual. Not a single moment where it kicked in. More like I looked back at my scores after 6 weeks and realized the bad days had stopped. If you live above 35° latitude and have not tested your D levels you are probably deficient October through March. Magnesium glycinate 400mg before bed. Slutsky et al. published in Neuron 2010 showing magnesium enhances learning and memory. Serum magnesium is a garbage test because it only drops when you are severely depleted. Most people in western countries are sub clinically deficient. The sleep improvement was the first thing I noticed. Deeper sleep within 3 nights. The cognitive effect followed the better sleep by about a week. Do not use magnesium oxide. Bioavailability is terrible. Glycinate or threonate. Tier 3: The stuff people do not want to hear Caffeine elimination. I tapered from 400mg per day to zero over 8 weeks. Days 1 through 3 at each step down were rough. By week 10 at zero caffeine my baseline cognitive scores were higher than my best caffeinated scores. Caffeine does not add energy. It blocks adenosine receptors. Your brain compensates by building more receptors. Now you need caffeine to reach the baseline you would have had without it. I was borrowing from tomorrow every single day for 12 years. 30 minutes of cardio. Not negotiable. Not replaceable with supplements. A single session increases BDNF by 200 to 300%. One session. BDNF is the protein that drives neuroplasticity and repair. A year of regular walking increased hippocampal volume by 2% in clinical trials. That is 1 to 2 years of age related brain shrinkage reversed. Nothing in a capsule does this. Nothing. Cutting alcohol entirely. Not reducing. Cutting. A 2017 BMJ longitudinal study followed 550 people for 30 years. Even "moderate" drinkers at 14 to 21 units per week had significantly increased hippocampal atrophy. Ebrahim et al. showed alcohol destroys deep sleep architecture at any dose. I wore a sleep tracker. Zero deep sleep on drinking nights versus 80 to 90 minutes without. That was enough data. I stopped. Tier 4: The testing that found the actual root cause Full panel bloodwork. Not a CBC. Not a basic metabolic. This is what I asked for specifically: ferritin (not just hemoglobin), B12, folate, 25-OH vitamin D, RBC magnesium, TSH plus free T4 plus TPO antibodies, fasting insulin, HbA1c, CRP. Two things came back off that my DR never would have caught. The ferritin at 22 and the vitamin D at 19. Both technically in range. Both functionally impairing my brain. What did not work: Lion's mane. Took it for 8 weeks. No measurable change on cognitive testing. Maybe it works for some people. Did nothing for me. Alpha GPC. Same. 8 weeks. Nothing on testing. Noopept. Slight subjective feeling of clarity. Nothing on objective testing. Stopped. Modafinil. Worked acutely. Tolerance built within 2 weeks. Sleep quality tanked. Net negative after a month. The takeaway nobody wants to accept: The boring stuff works. The exciting stuff mostly does not. Fixing your air, water, iron, vitamin D, magnesium, sleep, movement, and removing alcohol and excess caffeine will do more for your cognition than every nootropic stack on this sub combined. I know because I tested both. One at a time. With a cognitive testing baseline. The supplements are a rounding error on top of the fundamentals. Fix the fundamentals first or you are optimizing a system that is broken at the foundation. Studies referenced: Allen JG et al. CO2 and cognitive function scores. Environ Health Perspect. 2016. DOI: 10.1289/ehp.1510037 Armstrong LE et al. Mild dehydration affects mood in healthy young women. J Nutr. 2012. DOI: 10.3945/jn.111.142000 Ward AF et al. Brain Drain: smartphone presence reduces cognitive capacity. JACR. 2017. DOI: 10.1086/691462 - Soppi ET. Iron deficiency without anemia — a clinical challenge. Clin Case Rep. 2018;6(6):1082-1086. DOI: 10.1002/ccr3.1529 Slutsky I et al. Enhancement of learning and memory by elevating brain magnesium. Neuron. 2010. DOI: 10.1016/j.neuron.2009.12.026 Topiwala A et al. Moderate alcohol consumption as risk factor for adverse brain outcomes. BMJ. 2017. DOI: 10.1136/bmj.j2353 Ebrahim IO et al. Alcohol and sleep. Alcohol Clin Exp Res. 2013. DOI: 10.1111/acer.12006 Feel free to follow on r/whatisbrainfog where I will be releasing a free website dedicated to my findings over the last 10 years. submitted by /u/Sureokgo to r/Biohackers [link] [comments]

I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is still u/MechanicHungry5615. She posted in r/TrueOffMyChest and her own page. Previous BORU here. New Update marked with *****. Thank you to u/Awwndrei for letting me know about the update! Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is several months old but hasn't been posted here. Trigger Warnings: abuse; child abuse Mood Spoiler: Happier ending Original Post: July 6, 2024 My boyfriend and I have been together since 2022. The night after our first date he got angry because his TV froze and threw the remote, slammed his bedroom door, shut off the lights, and told me he was going to bed so I should too. I should have left then, but I didn’t. He’s continued having outburst like this when angry or frustrated for the past 2 years. He would calm down and apologize, and tell me he would do better and I didn’t deserve that, and I would tell him it’s ok. Summer of 2023 he quit his job, and shortly after we found out I was pregnant. I work as a waitress, so we were forced to move in with his family. He told me it would be temporary, but didn’t even start looking for or get a new job until that winter. The entire time he expected me to have saved up all the money we needed to move, while also getting ready for our baby. We were finally kicked out of his parents home due to his mood swings, which caused them to fight frequently. Our baby got here in spring of 2024, and two weeks later he quit his job, again. I have now been expected to pay all the bills, while also walking on eggshells to avoid his anger. The outbursts have ramped up since the arrival of my son, and he has been throwing things when angry, which usually results in my things getting broken. Last week he threw an insulated water bottle that almost hit the swing my son has just been taken out of. I’ve hit my limit. He will not change. It’s been 3 months and he will not find a job. I’m tired of being scared in my own home. I’m tired of not being able to leave the house without him. Im waiting until he has a job so I can leave while he’s at work. I’m moving back to my home town, and getting a job there. I’m breaking my lease on the grounds of domestic violence. Until then I have to act like everything is normal, while I gather resources and evidence. It is so hard to pretend. And it is so hard to leave. I feel guilty, because I know he can tell I’m at a breaking point. He’s selling his car that does not run, for scrap so we can find a way to pay bills this month. He’ll be stuck without a vehicle when I leave. I’m trying not to let that keep me here. I have to think about my baby and his safety. I have to keep it together until I can get out. Relevant Comments: big_bob_c: Waiting for him to get a job is risky, your kid could be in kindergarten by then. Look for other opportunities. OOP: He has an interview on Monday that I am praying and hoping pans out. He’s also sick right now so I might actually be able to leave the house without him tomorrow and let me dad know what’s going on, which could help speed things along as well Yoyo_Ma86: See my original comment, I know what you’re dealing with. Do not wait for the “right time” there won’t be one. It will drag on for years. Believe me. Tell your dad. Tell someone who will hold you accountable. Don’t keep it to yourself like I did for so long. OOP: I’ve told anyone I can trust to keep it from him, and that will help me. At this point they’re all on standby waiting for me to tell them it’s time Spinnerofyarn: Please just go the next time he's out of the house for a few hours. You're not safe. Your baby is not safe. The safety of the two of you is more important than your stuff. OOP: He’s never out of the house. He doesn’t work, he doesn’t go anywhere. I can’t even go anywhere besides work without him. He’s just always there Update 1 (Same Post): July 7, 2024 (Next Day) Small update: I was able to leave the house without him this morning (I’ve never been so happy to hear someone getting sick all night before), and went and saw my dad. My dad is ready to help me leave at a moment’s notice, and has advised me to document everything I do for the baby to help with custody, because my bf doesn’t help much with the baby either. I am nursing at the moment, so thankfully he won’t be able to have him but a few hours every other weekend anyways, and never over night. He’s also going to help me find somewhere to work in my hometown, and I may be able to stay with him if I can’t find a place of my own when I’m ready to go. Update Post 1: July 9, 2024 (2 days later, 3 from OG) I’m not exactly sure how updating posts on Reddit usually works, so forgive me if this is weird/ not the norm. In the past 3 days, I have been able to inform everyone who needs to know of my plans. This includes my job and my leasing office. Because I’m moving back to my hometown I’m having to find work there, but thankfully my managers are very understanding and supportive of what’s going on. They first and foremost want me to be safe. My leasing office is helping me find a way to discretely remove myself from the lease so I can get out. I have begun recording everything, either on my phone or in writing. My mom is helping me with plans to get an attorney for custody. My dad and stepsister are helping me slowly move things out of my current apartment, as my stepsister live in the same town I do and can take things from me and bring them to my dad to store until I leave. I’ve started applying for jobs in my hometown as well as housing. I saw the comments warning me not to wait until he has a job and you’re right, but I do plan on waiting until I have a job to secure a future for my baby and myself. Thank you to everyone for the well wishes, miraculously since I’ve decided to leave he’s decided to act like the model father/boyfriend, but it’s only been 4 days and I can tell that’s waning. I will keep you all updated as things progress. Wish me luck Update Post 2: July 11, 2024 (2 days later, 5 from OG post) The update you’ve all been waiting for I am gone Yesterday morning, a lot happened. He called his 5 year old a dumbass (I told him mom as soon as I could, and she has him now). And I had to take my baby to the ER because his dad got him sick and it’s turned into pneumonia. While at the hospital I was stressed and admittedly was a bit snippy with him, but the way he responded by saying, “well fine I just won’t talk to you today. I’m done.” set something off in my head. I was done. This was my last straw, I needed to get out. That day. So I messaged my family. I had a small, 20 minute window of time where he was leaving the house, and I was going to take it. All day I was patient. I slowly got our things together, covertly putting all mine and the baby’s most worn clothes in a laundry basket under the guise of doing laundry later. And as soon as he was gone, I was out the door. I left a note explaining why I left, and laying out my plans for custody and getting the rest of my things. He tried to get a hold of me the whole hour drive to my family’s. I did not answer, and probably will not for a while. I am safe. My baby is safe. Things are going to be ok. Relevant Comments: Renway_NCC-74656: Oh thank goodness! I am so freaking proud of you! You are an incredibly strong woman and wonderful mother. I don't know where you live, but where I live character witnesses help in custody cases. Can you get the other mom of his older kid to write a statement "against" him? His family? They literally kicked you out because of his violence. I would be so scared to EVER let your son be alone with him. If the judge is insistent on giving him some form of custody, I suggest you ask for supervised visitation. I wish you and your son the very best of luck! OOP: Due to me nursing my son, he will never get him for more than a few hours at a time and never over night. I will be asking for people to provide character witness statements, though OOP responds to someone who missed the first post and provides more details: Please go read my first post where I explain why I am leaving. He is violent. He has taken doors out of their frames while angry, punched holes in the walls. He regularly throws things across rooms without looking where they are headed. He almost hurt my 3 month old baby doing this. This is not the only post I’ve made. And you’d like to know what was said? We were talking about how my baby needed antibiotics and the conversation went like this: Him: and we don’t even know how much it’ll be- Me: because he doesn’t have insurance, I know. This is obviously an update. It says so in the title. I feel like perhaps you missed it, and that’s why you gave such a rude response. You had no idea that I’ve posted before about how this man has been violent, about how he verbally, financially, and emotionally abused me. You seemed very quick to anger and judge in this response, I hope this can be a teaching moment for you. All the facts that I am willing to share, with strangers on the internet, have been laid out. Maybe some context is missing. Maybe small details have been changed to protect my identity. But that does not give you the right to ignore the fact that this is not a first, not a second, but a third post in a series of posts. I just had to do one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life, and you feel it is an appropriate time to accuse me of kidnapping my own child, who I have custody of to begin with as his unmarried mother. And my baby isn’t sick with pneumonia because of another child, he’s sick because his father was sick and wouldn’t listen when I told him to leave him alone for a little while until he was better. So now my 3 MONTH OLD, has fluid on his lungs. I’m sorry if I seem rude or upset in this response, I am just confused by the lack of reading comprehension New Updates: *****New Update Post: November 12, 2025 (1 year, 4 months later)****\* It’s been over 1 year since I left my ex with my 3 month old son. I’m updating now because wow, how things have changed Now that we’re much safer, I’m willing to share more details. I originally said I worked in food service, which was a lie to protect my identity. I was actually a daycare teacher, and am now a salary daycare director. My career blossomed as soon as I left my ex. My son is a happy, healthy toddler, who loves to run around our home and scream with joy at the top of his lungs and gobble up snacks on the couch and snuggle up with me at night to watch an old movie. He goes to the daycare that I work at, and is learning so much every day. He is a smart and adventurous boy, and is more than I could have ever asked for. He now has a step-dad to-be, who loves him so so much. He is a wonderful, gentle man, and I am so thankful I found him at the end of my grieving period. He loved my son and I as soon as he met us, and we love him the same. He helped us so much, and moved us into his home after my dad decided having an infant in his house was too much and said we had to leave 3 months after moving in (another long story in the middle of everything else). We’re buying a new home together soon, and have plans to get married and grow our little family in a few years. We’re hosting Friendsgiving this year, because in addition to him, I’ve also grown such a wonderful community of friends around me. An unfortunate part of this update: I was not able to gather enough evidence to get a restraining order or less than 50/50 custody without a lawyer, which I could not afford at the time of my last update. I am now saving for one, and will be going for majority custody. We are providing my son a more stable home when he is with us, and more successful and stable careers, so I am hoping this will help our case. Thank you for everyone who wished me well when I first left, and those who encouraged me to leave. It was one of the hardest moments in my life, but I hope you’re happy to see things have only gone up from there Editor's note: OOP left comments on this post (because some of you went to her post to comment. Commenting on original posts goes against the rules of this sub and you will be banned.) From her post: Hey! This is an older post! Thank you for commenting, but I am happy to report things are ok! I have not latched onto him, and we did move in sooner than we wanted to, but it was either that or living in my car with an infant. I’m from a rural area with no homeless shelters, so that was not an option. Our relationship is very healthy and happy. We have separate lives and interests, and finances. I am safe, of sound mind, and happy. And I hope you find happiness too! From this post: Why didn't you leave after the first date: I grew up in an abusive home. This was prior to therapy. I thought this was normal. OOP explains: I have a safety net. I am ok. I have an established career and goals. IF anything were to happen, and after two years I’d think it would have by now, I would be ok. To another commenter: Hey I promise I have an actual safety net. I make more money than my fiance. I’m putting money back for my own reasons. Like guys I am really truly ok. And we are taking our time. I am taking my time! I’m also in therapy. We’ve acknowledged we rushed when we first got together and got extremely lucky things have turned out as good as they did. I am the exception, not the blueprint The engagement length/kids: Long engagement, and yes 5 years or so! How OOP is doing now: (bold is mine) I am actually doing really well! I commented somewhere that my posts do have a time delay incase my ex finds them, so my fiancé and I have been together for over two years now. My career is flourishing, and I am in therapy again which is just amazing. My son is a fire cracker and the light of everyone’s life. We are both incredibly spoiled, and I hope my fiancé feels spoiled in return. We have a home filled with life and love and laughter, and friends and family constantly. It’s nice to see the people rooting for me! I shared a small snippet of my life here with as little details as possible, and so many people pole-vaulted to conclusions. (Are your legs tired yet?) But we’re taking it with humor. I’ve started calling my fiancé my Evil Overlord after reading so many comments saying I was just falling into the hands of another abuser. If any of them really knew either of us, they’d see how laughable that was. I hope I can give everyone another update once life moves on more, after the wedding and maybe another kid. But life gets busy and I may forget, so we’ll see!!

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Expert-Sample6563 Originally posted to r/AITAH AITAH for telling my wife that her shitty attitude was the reason her brother doesn’t speak to her anymore. Editor's note: added paragraph breaks and changed letters to names for ease of readability Trigger Warnings: racism, emotional manipulation, depression, obsessive behavior, stalking, accusations of abuse ---- Original Post: February 11, 2026 First of this is a throw-away account as I don't want my wife to find out I posted this. So this goes all the way back to last Christmas, when my (29M) wife (29F) and I first met my brother-in-law's (28M) girlfriend (23F). Now, just for general background knowledge, my wife has 5 siblings and out of all she has always been the closest to "Peter" meaning he would come over to our house at least 2x a week. He has a spare set of keys to our place in case of an emergency, and we even had an emergency key to his apartment. Everything was fine until last October, when we noticed that "Peter" stopped coming over. At first, I didn’t really care that much but then my wife said that he hardly even replied to her texts, which was concerning since "Peter" has a history of depression and sometimes withdraws from everyone when he hits a dark place. So one night after my wife got his voice mail 4 times and after my in law's confirmed that they too did not hear back from him, out of concern we drove to his apartment and used the emergency key. Usually, when "Peter" gets like this, his apartment looks a mess but to our surprise, when we walked inside, his place was spotless and smelled like a bath and bodyworks store. When my wife realized that he wasn't home she took the opportunity to snoop and that's when she found silk sheets, high end women's clothing, skincare, new appliances and meal preps in the fridge and realized that "Peter" had a girlfriend. As soon as we got home, my wife sent him a message telling him that we stopped by, and she even asked why didn’t he tell us he was seeing someone. Eventually "Peter" called back and apologized for being so distant and explained to my wife that he had been dating this girl "Sheila" for a while and the reason he didn’t tell us was because my wife is often too pushy and he didn't want her to be upset that he was dating someone she didn't put him on to (my wife has tried to set him up with her friends several times in the past). He also told us not to worry if he doesn’t stop by as much anymore and that he would introduce us to her when he felt ready. After that, we hardly ever heard from him until December when he told us that he was bringing his girlfriend "Sheila" to meet the family the day after Christmas. Honestly, I was happy for him. Yes, I missed hanging out but I was happy that the dude was living his own life. My wife, however, was furious saying that "Sheila" was probably the one making "Peter" distance himself from the family and that she made him buy all those expensive items we had seen at his place. When the day after Christmas came everyone gathered at my in-law's house to meet “Sheila” and everyone including myself were a bit surprised. “Sheila” was nowhere near his usual type. As my sister-in-law said she “gave off black cat energy” lol. I honestly thought that she was pretty nice, friendly to everyone, helped in the kitchen, cracked a few jokes and “Peter” seemed happy he was telling everyone about how he has been eating less processed junk and now craves cleaner meals and how “Sheila” takes him on her runs. Throughout it all however my wife looked noticeably annoyed and when I tried to speak to her she just brushed me off by saying that “Sheila” was trying to change “Peter” into someone he was not but despite everything she held her tongue. That night while my wife and I were having drinks with all her siblings the conversation steered towards everyone making a few jokes about “Peter’s” new lifestyle and how he must be whipped for his new girlfriend and how surprised they were that his type changed so much. It was all lighthearted until my wife offered “Peter” a second beer and he declined saying that he tries to drink less now because “Sheila” hates the smell of it. That led to my sister-in-law cracking a joke saying something along the lines of he better refuse the beer or else he wouldn’t get lucky that night. At that point I think “Peter” just had enough of the jokes and drank another beer just to quiet the others down. By 1am “Peter” had gotten pretty tipsy - 2 beers had turned into 5 and then he took the bait of the others jokes by revealing that “Sheila” actually wants to wait a while before they do anything together and immediately after he said that my wife told him “with the amount of sh*t you bought because of her you should be cracking that by now”- now if she had just left it there maybe he wouldn’t have gotten angry but she followed up with her being surprised because “Sheila” looks as if she gives it up pretty easily. . After that shit went down and “Peter” hasn’t spoken to my wife since December. No matter how many times I have tried to reason with her and tell her that all she needs to do is apologize she won’t hear it. She keeps insisting that she was the only one who cared enough to tell him the truth. Now she has been trying to turn her parents against “Peter’s” relationship by telling them that how “Sheila” posts designer bags and shoes on her Instagram and that she bets “Peter” is the one paying for it all. Last night I tried to tell her to stop saying things like that and that she should be happy for her brother but that escalated into an argument where she made a shitty remark about how I apparently don’t know what an older sibling looking out for their younger sibling looks like because my parents were too busy cheating on one another to make me a brother or sister. At that point after hearing that I couldn’t help myself and I told her that her nasty ass attitude was the reason “Peter” cut her off which made her cry AITAH for finally reaching the end of the rope and telling my wife the ugly truth? AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received the majority of NTAs Editor's note: OOP did not leave any relevant comments in this original post Top Comments Commenter 1: So she called the woman a good digger, promiscuous tramp, and a controlling abuser. Gotcha. And she thinks she’s in the right. Got it. And now Peter won’t talk to her anymore because she was - checks notes - wrong, mean and incredibly gratuitously nasty about his girlfriend. All this because he doesn’t live like a slovenly bachelor, doesn’t drink as much, likes to eat healthier because he feels better when he does, and has taken up occasional running when he’s up for it. Your wife is a gaping asshole. She deserves this radio silence and a right up to the gates come to Jesus moment from Peter. But to answer your question, no you’re nta, she needed to hear it, she sounds like a honey badger in a fight she started “you wouldn’t know what happy family ties are because parents your parents were too busy cheating on each other”?!? Seriously? What are her good qualities my man? And how often do you have to remind yourself of them? Commenter 2: NTA. Your wife sounds pretty judgmental and controlling. She apparently likes to find a scab and rip it off. Not a good character trait. She needs to get it under control. Commenter 3: NTA Absolutely NTA. I'm wondering about your in-laws' family dynamic, teasing a family member with a history of depression because he's living a happier, healthier life? Pressuring him into binge drinking? Who does that to a person they love? Hell, who does that to anyone? Another thought is that your wife seems to not have any respect for boundaries; she doesn't seem to show much respect for her sibling, her sibling's partner, or you for that matter; she seems unaware of the effect her behaviour has on others; and she doesn't sound very nice. If you have or are thinking of having children with her in the future, you are getting a glimpse of how she's going to treat them and their future partners, ie, this is why your son/daughter is going to cut you both off in 30-someodd years and why you won't meet your grandchildren. I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm saying this because unless something huge changes, if you have kids with someone who acts like this those kids are going to bail when she blasts their partners and you'll lose them. If you don't plan on having kids then this is a much smaller problem. You might want to look into couple's counselling with the ultimate goal being helping her unravel why she acts this way and correcting it. She might never get her brother back, but it hopefully some good will come of it.   Small Update: February 12, 2026 (next day) Editor's note: OOP installed the same small update into the original post Small Update -12/02/2026: Hey everyone, I honestly didn’t expect to get this much feedback under my post but I just want to give a heartfelt thanks to everyone who offered advice. Now this isn’t an official update, but this is how things have progressed up until this point. After waking up this morning, reading your comments and doing some quiet assessment of the entire situation I decided to reach out to “Peter” not on behalf of my wife not to make excuses for her behavior, but to genuinely check in and make sure that he was truly doing okay and to let him know that despite it all if he ever wanted to talk I am here. It took a bit of convincing, but I will be meeting with him tomorrow during my lunch break. Moving onto how things are currently between my wife and I. Since that argument she has been very frosty despite the fact that I have tried to apologize to her all day long. Before she left for work, I told her that I was sorry for the way I phrased my words and that I would like it if we could sit down, think about the situation rationally, and look at each other's perspectives to gain a better understanding. I told her that I really didn’t want Valentine’s Day to come with us still at odds with one another. That however just led to another argument apparently to her it seems as if I am playing devil’s advocate for “Sheila”. I tried to explain to her that I am just being honest in my opinion based on that one meeting. I don't think that “Sheila” is a gold digger or even trying to change who “Peter” truly is. I told my wife that “Peter” is just doing what a lot of guys do when they find someone they truly connect to, they make changes to better themselves for the person they care about. But I guess I was just lighting the match for the fire as my wife responded by saying that apparently, I am only giving a good assessment because I find “Sheila” attractive. I reassured my wife that she is the only woman I find attractive but by that point she just scoffed and left for work. This evening after she got back home from work, she said that she had a late lunch with her friends and wasn’t in the mood for dinner. When I tried to bring up our earlier discussion she told me that she now knows that I would never take her side or trust her instincts. After that she said that she couldn’t believe I don’t see why she is so concerned for “Peter” and went to bed. So yeah that’s the way things are for now. Most likely I will update after I catch up with “Peter” tomorrow. Once again thank you to everyone for your insight Editor's note: OOP did not leave any relevant comments in this small update Top Comments Commenter 1: I’d be very concerned about what your wife said to you. Either her trust in you is gone, or she’s willing to say that to you in the heat of the moment. To hurt you, to convince you that you’re wrong? I can’t think of a reason that isn’t concerning. It’s a problem that she’s so fixated on this. It’s a problem that she can’t accept you having a different opinion. It’s a problem that she treats another person like she treats her brother’s girlfriend without some strong justification. It’s a problem how she treats you. It’s a problem that she is avoiding any resolution. Commenter 2: Honestly your wife sounds nasty. Is she always this degrading of other women? It's showing huge insecurity, which is wild cause this is her brother??   Update #2: February 17, 2026 (five days later from the first update) Update: AITAH for telling my wife that her shitty attitude was the reason her brother doesn’t speak to her anymore. Hey guys it’s been a while. Honestly, I wish I had a happier update to give, but it seems like every time I try to take one step forward, I just end up taking three back. My lunch with “Peter” went great, actually. There was no fuss or stress. At first we talked about work, the family, and then we gradually shifted the conversation to how things lay with him and my wife. “Peter” said that my wife was way out of line in suggesting that his girlfriend was a gold digger and if she and the rest of their siblings had let him get a proper sentence out during their conversation during the holiday period, he would have set them straight and told them that “Sheila” has her own money and buys basically whatever she wants. Apparently, he said that “Sheila” even owns a small business back in her home country and earns a decent living for herself here. He admitted that, yes, he buys her gifts, as all boyfriends do for their girlfriends, but those gifts aren’t the reason she is with him. “Peter” said that he and “Sheila” truly enjoy one another's company. He said that, yeah, he went out and bought new stuff like an air fryer for his apartment, but that was because he genuinely wanted those items. He said that “Sheila” has been teaching him how to cook simple stuff in the crockpot he bought, so that he won’t turn to DoorDash when she isn’t there to make meals. I learned that “Sheila” has her own appliances in her apartment. What came as a surprise to me, though, was the fact that “Peter” told me he asked “Sheila” to move in with him, but she declined his offer. He said that her reason was that she doesn’t believe in living together before marriage, and she also thinks that it is way too soon, and she doesn’t want him to feel suffocated. It’s shocking because they have been dating for like 9 months (I think?) and to me personally, that seems too soon to ask, but hey, to each their own, they are both adults. Out of care and because I read a few comments suggesting that “Sheila” could possibly be manipulating “Peter” by withholding sex, I casually mentioned to him that if he ever wants to talk about anything, be it ribs or relationship trouble, I am here. I also just kind of told him that it was good that he and she were waiting a bit and getting to know one another on a serious level before doing anything together. “Peter” said that they wanted to wait because apparently “Sheila” doesn’t have much experience in that department, and after hearing that, I just wrote off the entire conversation because, honestly, as long as he isn’t in trouble or being manipulated, I am good; they could wait for 5 years as long as they are happy. Out of care, I also asked “Peter” if “Sheila” has made changes as well since their relationship began, and he said that her diet has changed a bit now because of him. He said that once every 2 or 3 weeks (I think?) He takes her to one of his favorite take out places, and they get his old go to order. He said that she watches videos and stuff about fish because she knows he has an interest in fish tanks etc. During the course of the conversation I learnt that before “Peter” blocked my wife she would send him unhinged messages just raging about how wrong “Sheila” was for him and how she was “driving him away from the family so he can be isolated” (He laughed after I read that message because he said that “Sheila” has actually been trying to ensure that “Peter” feels like he has a support system outside of her. He said that she cooked a whole spread for him and his friends so they could watch during the Super Bowl. She even left after cooking, even though they insisted she stay and watch with them, just so he could spend some time alone with his friends). The messages didn’t stop at that, my wife had even told him that “Sheila” was probably just using “Peter” for citizenship and that she wanted to escape her “third world country home” (Peter said that was the message that solidified his decision to block my wife. All of her messages were completely unfounded, he said that “Sheila” has been a citizen for a few years now and that she actually has a pretty good house back in her home country). Peter said that Sheila has actually been more open to forgiving my wife than him, that she is very family oriented and hates the idea that others think she is trying to isolate him. Moving on to the current status of my marriage. My wife has no idea that I met with “Peter” on Friday. I would have told her but when I got home that evening she was in a pissy mood because apparently one of her friends said something insensitive. Dinner Friday night was a little less charged I tried to stay clear from talking about “Peter” or “Sheila” but the messages she sent “Peter” about his girlfriend’s home country still lingered in my mind because yes I know my wife can be negative at times and downright mean when her temper flies but the way how she phrased her sentences was downright disgusting like some sort of MAGA asshole (It struck a particular nerve because my own mother married left her home country and married for citizenship. My wife is aware of this fact, and she is also aware that I respect all the choices my mother made as it took extreme bravery to come to the US with nothing in your name but some savings). Saturday came around, and that was when shit hit the fucking wall. We weren’t the best, but things were somewhat calm when my wife decided to rant about the entire situation with “Peter” again. I tried my very best to shut it down by saying that yes, I know it still bothers her, and I want to try and see how she can try and rebuild her relationship with her brother, but not on Valentines day. For a minute or two, she was quiet. I thought that she agreed and that she wanted us to have a nice day, but turns out the only reason she was quiet was because she was looking at “Sheila’s” Instagram. I tried to shift her attention away. I asked if she was excited to see where I was taking her. I asked if she wanted to get dessert at the restaurant or at home. She just brushed me off until I finally had enough and told her to stop being weird and that most people don’t spend hours obsessing over their brother’s girlfriend. She shot back by saying I don’t care about her or her family and that I am apparently “allowing” her brother to get taken advantage of just because a pretty woman happens to be doing it. I took a breath, and I told her calmly that I do care about “Peter,” but I trust him and his ability to think for himself, and that there is a simple way for her to quell her worries; all she has to do is apologize to her brother and ask for the chance to get to know his partner. She said that she doesn’t need to get to know “Sheila” because she apparently knows girls like “Sheila” who survive off of and I quote “nuts and shitty low carb food”. I just gave up and told her that she would drive herself mad. We did go out for Valentine’s, but the vibe just was not there. This evening when she gets home I am going to ask her to attend couples counseling with me, or if she prefers, individual therapy, because this is becoming too much. I hope that my next update is better. Thanks for all the advice again. Editor's note: Update #2's body text was also installed onto another sub due to the original sub's update rules Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I read / commented on your first post. And now with this update I will reiterate… Why are you with someone who sounds so awful? Your wife is a bitter, shallow and likely racist AH. Divorce the wife and befriend the bil and his gf. They sound like much better company to keep. OOP: Hey I know that this sounds like a pretty shitty excuse, but my wife and I have been together since we were 22. We got married when we were 25. She has carried me through some dark times, especially the death of my parents. From the get-go I knew that she had a pretty close relationship with her siblings, but I didn't envision this. Back when we fell in love she wasn't so angry, her words weren't so bitter, she generally wasn't such a hateful person. Sure she and "Peter" have always been close, but I have never genuinely seen her act this way towards one of his girlfriends before and I am just dumbfounded. I guess the main thing keeping me here is the hope that she returns to the fun loving easy going person she used to be Commenter 2: Has your wife always been racist or is this a new thing? NTA. OOP: I swear this has to be a new thing. We have been together for 5+ years and during all that time, I have never heard her make a single racially charged remark. Sure in the past she made shitty comments about my family but nothing racist. Is OOP's family the same race as Sheila? OOP: No my family is primarily Hispanic, but Sheila is Punjabi   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ilovepopcornandcandy Originally posted to r/self + r/whatdoido + their own page Yesterday my brother told me he was in love with me. Thanks to u/saauna & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: incest, victim blaming, stalking / harassment, obsessive behavior, mentions of racism ---- Editor's note: adding prior posts to the original title for more context Is my adopted brother flirting with me?: February 17, 2026 Hi everyone, I am so conflicted to know where to even begin with this. I was adopted when I was 3 years old from Russia, and honestly I love my family so much. I have two older brothers and one sister, all of which my parents had biologically. My siblings and I have always been really close, but now we live opposite sides of the country due to college. The brother I was talking to in this message is the one I am arguably the most close with since we are the closest in age (19 and 20). Over the last year, I have noticed slight behavioral differences between how he used to act and how he acts now. He always treated me like a gross, annoying sister and now he's a lot more shy around me. I can't tell if it's because we don't live together, or what, but that's when I started to suspect something was different. Over Christmas break, he was always wanting to hold my hand or had his arm around my shoulder, and it made me feel a little suffocated. I thought this all was due to the fact we're thousands of miles apart, but after this text exchange I am not sure?? Is he being flirty, or is he just having a hard time expressing himself? I am so unsure, because if I bring up that I am uncomfortable to him, it would be so awkward if I was wrong. Screenshots of the text messages Transcript of the text messages between OOP and her brother **Brother shared a TikTok link of “Welcome back friends, you had a long day at school. Halloween is next week!” Brother: Us after family service in 2012 OOP: 😭😭. OOP: stop that video lowkey made me sick Brother: It made me realize how much I miss you, I can’t wait to be with you again over the summer OOP: me too 🥺. OOP: btw I was thinking abt submitting this to the agency but wanted ur opinion first? I think I will get more professional ones done with them but this one is temporary OOP shared a picture of her hair with a heart covering her face OOP: they said to take it natural light but I’m afraid my expression comes across stiff or something Brother: No you look absolutely beautiful, wow. It makes me nervous lolll OOP: thank you but wdym nervous 🥺 Brother: Sorry I meant like it’s weird that you used to be my little sister and now you’re a beautiful woman. Makes me nostalgic 😢. End of the transcript Relevant / Top Comments Top Commenter: Unfortunately you're going to have to be very direct with him. It will be easier in text. "You said you are seeing me in a different light. Does this mean you are attracted to me?" Don't add anything to it, if you tell him that's not okay before he admits it, you'll be telling him what to say. If he does admit attraction, shut it down. "I'm so sorry you're feeling that way, you will always be my brother to me and because of that I am going to step back on communicating. You need time to move on from this crush and I need tome to recover from this as well." This is also where you would list other boundaries, i.e. hugging/talking at family events, not coming over, no reaching out, etc. I am so sorry you are going through this. I love my brothers so much, I can't imagine. Commenter 1: Especially the "you used to be my little sister" part. He's made it blatantly clear that he no longer sees her as his sister, but it's just barely ambiguous enough for him to try and lamely backtrack in case he doesn't get what he wants. I bet he would try for some weak excuse like, "I just meant that you're not little anymore!" OOP: Yeah I mainly thought he meant that I was no longer little anymore but I was unsure. Thanks for this clarity   Update: Is my adopted brother flirting with me?: February 17, 2026 (same day, hours later) Anyways, I have an important presentation later today so here’s a brief update. I got a lot of conflicting answers on if it was flirting or not, but I think the general consensus was yes. Regardless, I think these texts pretty much confirm something very weird is going on. I think I’m going to call my mom this evening and talk to her about it. I’m not so sure what she will say. I am very afraid this will make the family situation very different. As for people saying he could just be socially awkward, I don’t think that’s a good explanation as he’s always been very popular and outgoing, has had no issues getting girls to talk to him and his texts have been different lately. He had a long term girlfriend, and they broke up last summer, so the only thing I can think is that he is still upset about that and pushing those feelings onto me. And finally people who are making this sexual and/or condoning this behavior, please don’t. This disgusts me so much I vomited up my breakfast this morning. I’m so devastated that our relationship is taking a turn for this. He is my brother and will forever only be my brother. I do not care if we are not blood related, we are siblings. If anyone has any advice on what to say to him to maintain our relationship, while being firm he is creepy, please let me know. Thank you. Screenshots of the newer text messages Transcript of the text messages between OOP and her brother Brother: Sorry I meant like it’s weird that you used to be my little sister and now you’re a beautiful woman. Makes me nostalgic 😔. OOP: don’t worry I’m still your little sister! always will be :) Brother: Good morning! Hope your day goes well. Let me know how your bio presentation goes! You got this Brother: Yeah but my little sister isn’t so little anymore OOP: ur still 5 inches taller than me dw ur always be bigger 😅 OOP: also will let u know. [redacted] and I worked all weekend on it and I still don’t feel confident 😭. OOP: I also wanted to bring up something important with you. lately you have been acting a little different, more shy to me, but at Christmas you were more physical. is there anything I did on why you’re acting differently? I just hope everything is ok between us Brother: I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you about that. This is going to sound really weird and you can tell me if it makes you uncomfortable, but I have just been seeing you in a different light lately. Idk how to describe it, and I of course still love you and you’re my family, it’s just different now that we’re far away. Brother: Idk I just mean you’re the one person I am excited to talk to everyday. If we don’t text I really miss you. Brother: I hope this doesn’t get misconstrued Brother: Do you understand what I am trying to say? OOP: kind of but also not really? I also miss you since you’re my brother. I miss everyone, it’s hard being away from home Brother: Ffs this is coming out wrong. Can I call you around 9 tonight to clear it up. I fear in text it will sound bad. OOP: [Brother's name] please you’re making me worried and a little uncomfortable. can you please just tell me now? Brother: I’m sorry I didn’t mean to do that 😭 I really can’t tell you now, please just wait until tonight End of the transcript Top Comment Commenter 1: it sounds like he’s trying to avoid being screenshotted and held accountable for what he wants to say, and that’s why he wants to call instead of text. when you call PLEASE make sure you’re using a separate device to record the entire thing. it’s very, very important for your own well-being, and in case anyone else in the family has any doubts. please make sure you record it for your own sake OOP: We already called. Unfortunately people on this post noted some states made it illegal to record and I live in one of those.   Final update: Is my adopted brother flirting with me?: February 18, 2026 (next day) I believe this will be the final update in what’s been going on between my brother and I. Unfortunately, despite me wanting to, I didn’t record due to people commenting that it is illegal in some states, which I am unfortunately in. But then I was informed after we talked that it doesn’t matter unless you’re using it in legal settings. If anything, I think these texts prove his intentions. I will try to keep this as succinctly as possible since it was quite a long call. Long story short, he said he was in love with me. He got really nervous at the start, took 20 min of beating around the bush and then he told me. He said he was so sorry, he tried to keep it hidden, and didn’t want to lose our relationship, but he never felt like this about anyone. He seemed very sincere and vulnerable. I asked him for a couple minutes of silence to try to think of the best things to say. I ended up saying something like “I am glad you trusted me enough to confide this in me but this is made me deeply uncomfortable. The only future with us in it is one as your sister. I love you as a brother, but if you can’t handle that/respect me then I will need to stop communicating with you.” He started crying about how sorry he was for bringing this up, he would do better, just to please not shut him out. I have literally never seen him cry (besides when we were really young) so hearing it made me unsettled on what to do. I could tell how much he was struggling to come to terms with his emotions, but continuing to talk to him and hear him beg made me even more disgusted. I told him I needed to go and to please give me space. He has since flooded my phone with texts. I am considering blocking him for the time being, and am very conflicted/lost on how to bring this up with my family. Unfortunately I don’t even have the mental capacity to deal with this right now as I have two exams next week and a 20 page paper due. He is very much struggling mentally (which I never knew until he said it last night and today), and I am going to message my parents to potentially due a mental health check. I am also going to bring his behavior up to them this weekend. The only good thing is that he is on the other side of the country, so I can just focus on school right now. If worst comes to worst, I will cut him out of my life, but cutting the rest of my family off as well is a non-negotiable. Thanks. Screenshots of the final text messages Transcript of the text messages between OOP and her brother Brother is in black bubbles, OOP is in blue bubbles Brother: Look I’m really sorry. I think I’ve been going through it lately. I think I got my feelings mixed up, I don’t know. Please I need to keep you in my life 🙏 I just really care about you and having you push away when you’re already so far away would kill me. Brother: I know it’s fucked what I said and I am so sorry I put you in the situation, that wasn’t right. Can we please just forget it happened and go back to things? Brother: I don’t care if you tell Mom, Dad, [redacted] or [redacted]. I just know I need you. I’ll go to therapy like you suggested. I want to get better for you ❤️. OOP: im in class, stop calling me Brother: Are you ok ☹️. OOP: please just let me process alone Brother: Fuck I’m sorry it’s so hard tho I can’t even imagine what you’re thinking 😭. Brother: I wish I never said anything 😭 I’ve ruined everything haven’t I? OOP: I’ll be frank I’m really annoyed you can’t leave me alone and let me think things through instead of spam calling and texting. this is the last time I’m going to ask you before I’m going to block you. I am very busy rn and this is the last thing I need. Brother: Ok I respect that End of the transcript Relevant Comments Commenter 1:You need to let your parents know about this situation. If they don't side with you on this then you should completely go NC with them. OOP: I honestly have no idea how this would play out with my family. Like I seriously can see it going either way. They pay for my tuition, dorm, monthly expenses etc. so going no contact with them is literally not an option until I graduate. Commenter 2: It's possible he's got a lot of shit going on, maybe also with girls. If you're a constant presence in his life while he's striking out with girls, maybe struggling with friendships, study, who knows, it may have caused him to either misinterpret his own feelings, or to develop them. I'd assume that as he works through all of that, those feelings will fade. He probably needs therapy. OOP: He's conventionally attractive, 6'3, good grades, athletic. He has no reason to be striking out with girls and I know he's never had that problem, which is what makes this even more confusing for me Commenter 3: Homeboys been spending waaaayyyy too much time on the hub… I’d put him in a very very very long timeout if not just go no contact period. I would also absolutely tell your family, start with whoever you’re the most comfortable with relationship wise and ask for advice on how to proceed further. OOP: Everyone is just commenting that this is bc he is horny/from porn, but is there a possibility it's just romantic rather than sexual. I feel like romantic stuff our relationship could be salvaged but sexual would change my outlook on him forever Commenter 4: I think that this is worth considering and discussing with a therapist that has experience in this or similar areas (I have no doubt that they exist). Given your brother’s age, it’s possible that he’s conflated the need for personal connection/intimacy or a closeness he feels for you with a romantic connection. OOP: I am actually really hoping this is the answer! This made a least a little hopeful for our relationship if he gets the help he needs OOP on her brother's age OOP: He is 20, I’m 19. I was adopted when I was 3 and he was 4 Commenter 5: OP if you are able to talk to a counselor on your own then you can get a non biased opinion on what you should do and who you should talk to in your family. I’d also just block him so you can get peace of mind. OOP: Yeah I am booking an appointment with the student services resources center. The thought of even saying this stuff out loud to another person makes me ill, I guess it is one thing to write it out but saying it out loud is so nasty OOP on if her brother is feeling lonely OOP: He's not lonely, he has plenty of friends, opportunities to talk to girls. He's conventionally attractive, 6'3, athletic, he honestly has no excuse.   Editor's note: below is the original title of this BoRU Original Post: February 18, 2026 (same day, different subreddit) I posted this on another subreddit, but honestly I just need to vent because I can't even tell my friends/feel so isolated since this situation is so gross. (You can check my profile for more in-depth explanation if you're curious). I also don't think this breaks the relationship post, as it's not romantic and we're obviously not dating. Anyways, I was adopted from Russia at 3 when brother was 4 (he is biologically my parents). We grew up together, he was always the one I was the closest with since we were closest in ages. My other brother and sister are both 5+ years older than me so it was always him and I getting into trouble with each other, teasing each other, walking home from school etc. We have had our differences, he was always annoying and pretentious about his grades, but I love him. Last year I started college, moved across the US while he just went to California for college. I was honestly so excited to start this new chapter in my life as I grew up in a smallish town in Oregon. During my first year, he started to text me more often and call all the time. I was honestly really glad because it was difficult to be away from home. This year, over winter break is when I noticed him acting differently. He was overly touchy, (he literally made me rest my head on his lap while we watched a movie, and when I sat up he told me he was cold). I was extremely uncomfortable. He would hold my hand, casually put his arm around my shoulder, and just other physical contact I didn't want. Another thing about him is that he is extremely charismatic, funny, and popular. He is conventionally attractive, 6'3, athletic, and the reason I bring this up these qualities is that he's not some lonely guy who has no friends and can not talk to women. He was literally one of the most popular guys in our high school. This is what makes it even more confusing and gross on my end. I sent him a photo, he made a weird comment about my beauty making him nervous, and then I asked him why he was acting strange lately. He made me call him and confessed he was in love with me. Now he's saying its due to his mental health, that he's scared he will lose me etc. I am so unfathomably disgusted with him and just want to block him for the time being. The only thing that's making me not, is the possibility he might harm himself. I know I need to tell my parents, but I am also worried how they are going to process this. I have no idea if they will fully believe me, (because this situation is so unbelievable and disgusting). Words cannot begin to describe the betrayal I feel right now. I am second guessing every interaction I have had with him. When did this feelings begin? What did he hope to gain from this? I don't know and I am so sick.   Editor's note: the next post might help put the spotlight on OOP's family background Have you ever felt less than your biological siblings?: February 19, 2026 (next day) I was adopted when I was 3 from Russia, so I have essentially no memories of my life before. My parents did their best to help me feel like there was no difference between my siblings and I. My siblings are biologically my parent's, so despite their best efforts, when we would go out to eat or to the pool, everyone just thought I was a family friend. My siblings have dark features and tan skin, and I was always the pale blonde. My dad even received racist remarks by older people from time to time, and it really hurt to see. Whenever we would go over to my extended family, my dad's side would treat me differently, speaking Arabic intentionally so I didn't understand, my cousins not including me with things etc. It's difficult because I think my parents did their best and did an amazing job, I just feel like I have always been ostracized by my dad's family and society in general because I don't look like my family and siblings. I also want to point out that I know it's a privilege to be white in America, and I am not complaining about that, but more so venting about the struggles of intercultural adoption. I have also never really thought that much about it before, but due to recent family issues it has made reflect more on my childhood.   Small Update: February 19, 2026 (next day from the original title post) I had a counselor meeting this morning, and she told me I needed to call my parents. I think I am going to after dinner tonight, despite receiving mixed messages on if I should or not. I am not sure how much I will want to share after this call, but depending on how it goes, I may update again later tonight. I have muted my brother for the time being, he only texted me once today and I did not respond. I am not sure how many people actually care, but should I just post it on my profile or would another subreddit be more appropriate? Thank you. Edit: I also want to say how much I appreciate all the advice and support people have been giving me. It really means a lot. And I am sorry if I didn't respond to some of the comments, there were so many, but I read them all. Thank you!   I called my parents: February 19, 2026 (same day, later that night) I just got off the phone with my parents 30 min ago. My counselor told me to write down expressly all the things that I wanted to say, including my needs and my brother's needs. I was able to share my screen with facetime so I could pall up our recent texts and his concerning number of phone calls. (He called me 30 times in 24 hours). I started off saying I was concerned about his mental health, how he was behaving unusually erratic and desperate. He is usually very chill, level-headed, so the switch in him was the most concerning thing to me. I told them when I started to notice he was acting differently to me, like over Christmas being excessively touchy and making me do things that I normally wouldn't do (nothing related to SA, just that one example of him wanting to me to lay my head on his lap while we watched a movie and him telling me get back down when I came back from the bathroom). How if I was on the couch he would put his arm around me or hold my hand, making me feel smothered and uncomfortable. I then started to show them screenshots (some from months prior), where I combed through our messages and realized some things went straight over my head. Some things when I thought he was being overly nice, it was flirty and I didn't want to recognize it. Then, showed them the text that caused me to come to reddit, where he called me beautiful and that I was nervous. All this time both my parents took this very seriously, were nodding and telling me to continue. Anyways, I showed them the text exchange after my brother and I called, and my mom looked like she was sick. My dad has always been quite solemn (idk if that's the right word), but he looked seriously disturbed and almost angry? My mom started immediately apologizing, asking if I was okay, if I needed anything etc. I told her I wanted my brother to get better, but right now I needed him to not contact me. I told her and my dad they needed to call him right after and check on him. I said I told them not to get him into trouble, but for his safety (which is true). My dad comes from a more conservative culture than my mom, and I like to wear a lot of Brandy Melville (most of there stuff is just cropped tanks, nothing too crazy), so he asked me angrily why I couldn't dress more appropriately around the house and maybe things would have been different. He has never liked the way I dressed (even though I dress like every other girl my age), so hearing him say that wasn't surprising to be honest. It made me cry ngl, and I said I was sorry (even though I don't think it was my fault). Idk it was a very stressful call and you could tell my dad had a lot of misplaced anger? And my mom had no idea what to do. They said they would call me again tomorrow after they talked to my brother discussing next steps. Also final thing, I guess some people think this is some weird fetish/kink thing? The fact someone would had to fabricate those texts and would take their time to write all this just for the sake of being weird wouldn't surprise me considering the disgusting things some people have commented on my posts. This will probably be my final update as I am only posting to get help/advice, and not condone this disgusting behavior. (I know I can't really prove that I am real, but at the end of the day all I am here for is guidance). I have also received many comments from other women who have had similar situations happen to them within their families, so it feels good to be taken seriously, and this situation is unfortunately more common than I original thought. My heart goes out to everyone who has been through this before, it's seriously the most stressed I have ever been. Thank you for the support everyone.   Update #1: February 20, 2026 (next day) Screenshot of text messages Brother sends a TikTok link to “The mermaid tails the kids used looked so fake but I thought it was so real” Brother: I remember you used to do this all time thinking it worked End of the transcript So last night I called my parents and for a condensed version (more detailed on my profile) of what happened, my parents were very shocked and unsure of what to do. My mom apologized and made sure I was ok, my dad kinda blamed it on me (saying I shouldn't have worn what I wear around the house). Idk it was a very confusing call. My parents called my brother, and I am not sure exactly what happened or what was said, but they called me today saying he sounded perfectly normal, calm and not a threat to me or himself. They wanted to hear his side of the story and he denied the physical stuff over break (essentially said he didn't recall any of that), and when he sent those texts, he was really drunk. I told them it was a terrible excuse, because even if I were drunk, I never would have sent those texts or made that call. I also pointed out if he was drunk in all those texts, he must've been drinking day and night, which obviously means something is emotionally wrong with him. My dad I think really wants to deny it. He kept saying is a momentary lapse in my brother's judgement, and I think my mom doesn't know what to think. I honestly don't fault them for being shocked or confused, because he has always been such a golden child? Now I am at a loss because I don't know if he is struggling mentally and doesn't want to admit it, or if he was using that as an excuse to confess everything to me and not face the consequences. I really want him to receive the help he needs if he is struggling, but I also don't want to engage with him. He sent me a Tiktok about an hour like nothing happened and Im like wtf? He seriously cannot accept my boundaries, despite me asking repeatedly. I am going to tell my parents once more that he needs to stop messaging me before I block him. I have been talking with some of my friends, and one offered to split rent with me over the summer (I am not sure if my parents will want to pay, but I will find a job regardless). As of now I do not feel safe returning home. I don't if it's me being paranoid but I am afraid if he doesn't receive help, he could hurt me. I am trying to be empathetic to him, because there are probably issues he is facing I am unaware of, but I feel like it shouldn't be my responsibility to fix them? What I really hope is my parents go down for the weekend and actually physically check up on him, but who knows if they will. I pray that they take this seriously and my dad comes to his senses. I know if I told my sister she would be in support of me, so I am thinking of just telling her it behind my parent's back. Thanks. Editor's note: OOP posted the same update #1 onto another subreddit. I am adding relevant comments for more context OOP on her family's nationality / ethnicity background OOP: My dad is Jordanian, mom is white American. We don't speak Arabic in the house, it is just at extended family functions my dad's side of the family speaks it around me so I don't understand things. Also my siblings have always called themselves wasians, even though I guess the more stereotypical idea is east asian + white, idk if that's the right term, but I call them wasian since they call themselves wasian. OOP responds to multiple downvoted comments regarding her adoption, languages, and family OOP: hey so let me clarify some things! first of all, my extended family I see at most once every 2 months (when I live at home), so it's not a shock that I didn't learn it. they never made an effort to teach it to me and would always speak English around me if my mother was there. We do not speak Arabic in my home since my mom is white. When I made my post talking about feeling ostracized, it was at family events and holidays. my cousins all spoke Arabic and when we would go off together as kids, they would speak Arabic almost exclusively with my siblings. same with my uncles/aunts. and, the reason why my siblings can speak Arabic is because my dad sent my siblings and I to language immersion school over the summer. if you have read some of my comments, you know I can speak Russian. my parents thought it best I learn Russian and not Arabic to keep connected to my culture. so while my siblings learned Arabic, I learned Russian. you can still think this is fake, but I thought I would explain since you made a bunch of assumptions. it's funny how everyone thinks they know my whole life story based off a few reddit posts lol and final thing, I don't think this has anything to do with my dad's race. both him and my mom are conservative so race is irrelevant and I am saddened to see this has become a breeding ground for racism/xenophobia. my mom's family literally attends catholic masses in Latin and cover their hair (a lot more conservative than dad's). + they wanted me to embrace my culture which I am actually grateful for? you are not my parents so what you think would make sense has literally no effect on what they did? my extended family all speaks English fluently, it was purposeful when I was the only one in them that didn't understand Arabic. and finally, that's fine you may call my siblings something different. they just say wasian for simplicity sake instead of explaining their who ethnic background to someone. and since none of what I say resonates with you because it is not how YOU specifically think things should have been done within MY family, please just leave me alone. thank you. Has OOP's brother done the same thing to her sister? OOP: No she said he's never done anything with her. I think fundamentally he justified this in his mind because he doesn't see me as a sister. I think my parents were worried this would get out of our immediate family and they would be embarrassed   Update #2: Brother said he was going to come see me for Spring Break: February 23, 2026 (three days later) Hi guys. This will probably be my final update for a while since I hope to get this all resolved today. Anyways I decided to block my brother Friday night. I sent him this text: "it seems like you can't respect my boundaries. for your healing and mine, I have decided to block you for the time being. I do not want this to be permanent, but I need to focus on school, and you are making it extremely difficult at the present. I wish you the best and hope you get help." He never got a chance to respond on iMessage. Saturday night I was with my friends, and I kept getting calls on Instagram. I didn't even realize until I got back to my dorm since my phone was on do not disturb. It was my brother, and it slipped my mind that I needed to block him on other platforms as well. I opened his profile to block when he called me again. I accidentally answered, but then thought maybe this was time to say what I needed to say so he really knew to leave me alone (because apparently my other warnings were not enough?). The moment I answered he let out a flood of "Oh my god, I am so happy you answered, I needed to know you were ok etc etc." I told him I am going to block him on here too, I needed him to get mental health help, of which according to mom and dad, he was currently saying he didn't need. He told me he didn't want to lose, he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable and that he couldn't concentrate if he knew I was mad. I told him I wasn't mad, just wanted him to get better. He asked me if he could fly out for his spring break (which is in three weeks). He also had a Hawaii trip planned with his friends which is weird he would drop so suddenly. I told him no, I needed months of space, he should go with his friends and get his mind on other things. He then said if he came to the city I live in, he wouldn't bother me, he just wants to be closer to me and do his own thing. I told him no firmly again, that I had to leave, and to please leave me alone and not bother me until I make contact again. I then hung up before he could say anything else and blocked him on all my social medias. He is clearly unwell, but I am also getting scared how he keeps pushing me when it is obvious I don't anything to do with him right now. I am going to sort this all out (and tell my counselor this afternoon), but that is it. I might stop updating period because I feel like what needs to be said has already been said. Thank you so much for all your help so far and have a nice day. Also one more thing, I did tell my sister, she believed me after I showed her receipts and told me she supports me in whatever I feel like I need to do to keep myself safe. I asked her if our brother had ever been weird with her, she said no and said he probably always thought I was like an annoying addition to our family, not really a sister. Whatever that means? But at least she supported me. She has a baby and a full-time job, as well as lives out of state from my family and I, so not so sure how much help she can be. I appreciate the mental support though. Relevant Comments Can OOP go somewhere else for Spring Break, so she won't have to see her brother? OOP: I have school during his Spring break so I would be in class Commenter 1: Ummm this whole thing is terrifying. Like I am genuinely worried that he will go to your city and harass you or even hurt you. Can you go to the police and file some sort of restraining order? OOP: Yeah I just don't know if I would be overreacting or not. It's really tough to gauge if he was being serious. I know if I did that my parents would be pissed. Commenter 2: you are currently severely underreacting. you have told him you do not want him existing near you, and he is trying to come to your city. he will find and harass you, and you need to get that restraining order in place before he can try anything. he is unwell, and the head in lap thing combined with this pressure and insistence is making me incredibly, incredibly worried that his unwellness may cause him to attempt to kiss or possibly even sexually assault you if he comes to your town out of this twisted "love". OOP: I will seriously consider this perspective thank you   Latest Update here: BoRU #2   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

My coworker won’t stop complaining about my tattoos Originally posted to Ask A Manager TRIGGER WARNING: Hostile work environment, body shaming, verbal abuse MOOD SPOILER: shocking but ultimately positive Original Post June 3, 2019 I started a new job in December; Carol started in February. We work for a small company, with six of us in production. We’re not customer-facing in any way. Carol was fine with me until the weather warmed up and I wore short sleeves, at which point she discovered that I have tattoos. She took me aside that same day to tell me how unprofessional she thought I was for having them. I pointed out that workplace norms are changing in general, and that our particular workplace doesn’t care. It didn’t matter, they were unprofessional, and that was that. (For reference, we’re both women in our 50’s — Carol is actually eight months younger than I am. I’m not the only one with ink, but I am the only woman, and the shipping guys are in another building, so she probably doesn’t realize that both of them do too.) Since then she has spoken to me repeatedly about them, and when I refused to engage (I started with a briskly cheerful “So you’ve said — I disagree,” then “You’ve said, and I’m not talking about this anymore,” and am now just ignoring her muttering) she’s taken to talking to herself about it. She’s also has gone to three of coworkers to complain about them. Those ladies are all senior to us, but beyond keeping an eye on the production schedule, they are not supervisory in any way. We think she’d like me to cover them, but she knows she doesn’t have the standing to say that, and I don’t have any reason to. They’re not offensive — one set is flowers, the other is a geometric-ish paisley, and nobody here cares. I’m dreading summer; this is an elderly building and poorly air-conditioned, and I’m told tank tops and shorts are the norm. She’s going to be really wound out when she figures out the gauntlets she dislikes so much are actually full sleeves. (Plus the edges of a few others that will show.) Our HR person is very part time, and mostly for onboarding/benefit type things. I can go to our owner, who I think would be responsive, but his feels like something I should be able to handle on my own, and so far I’m having no luck. Can you provide any advice on a one-last-try script at shutting her down on the topic? Or should I just go straight to BossLady? Update June 27, 2019 (3 weeks later) So, the situation with Carol has been resolved. I actually spoke to her the same day you posted my letter; I ran into her in the break room and she started in again. I interrupted her and said, “That’s enough. I have asked you politely and now I’m telling you – stop commenting on my tattoos. They don’t come off, I’m not going to cover them, and they’re not against the rules here. Your obsession with my skin is really weird, and I don’t appreciate it. This is the last conversation I intend to have with you about this.” She was pretty taken aback that I thought she was being weird, but i didn’t give her a chance to keep going, I just went back to work. She didn’t speak to (or about) me for the rest of the week. By the next week she had settled on stilted pass-the-salt style conversation, but only if it was a group thing; she still wouldn’t speak to me personally. Since we don’t work on the same projects, this didn’t have any impact on my workflow, so I was ok with chilly silence. It beat the nagging, for sure! Then we went onsite to do an installation. We were warned that it would be hot and cramped, and to dress in layers we could shed. Of course, the inevitable happened. Carol and I ended up on different teams, and when we met for the mid-morning team swap, most of us were down to a tank top, me included. Carol got one good look and flipped out. She berated me about my lack of professionalism “in someone else’s workplace”, and caused enough of a ruckus that Jane came to see what was going on. Carol went off on Jane about my “continued and blatant” lack of professionalism, but Jane shut her down pretty sharply. The teams were reshuffled as planned, and Carol got put on Jane’s team. Apparently she took that as an invitation to keep going, and asked Jane why she hired me, and then why she tolerated me. (Jane’s answer: “I hired her for her skill, not her skin.” Jane may be my new favorite boss!) Then she accused Jane of a lack of professionalism for doing so. About an hour after the team swap, Joe (the other owner) came in the company car with the HR lady (on her day off!) and took Carol back to the workshop. She apparently stewed all the way back (or read the handwriting on the wall), and when they got back, she got out of the car, declared that she couldn’t continue to work for such an unprofessional organization, that she had her own reputation to look after, even if we didn’t care about ours, got in her car, and left. That was the last we’ve seen of her, although there has been a scathing review posted to Glassdoor since then. The next day, Jane had individual meetings with all of us, and the day after that a workroom staff meeting. We (myself and the three senior ladies that Carol had gone to to complain) were chastised for letting it go as far as it did without giving Jane a heads up, even if it was a ‘this is a thing but I’m handling it’ warning. The senior most coworker pointed out that none of them really had any power to do anything, and that has now changed. There is now a designated ‘workroom supervisor’, and an end of the week ‘how are things?’ check-in between that person and Jane. The workroom is a much calmer place now, and interviews for Carol’s replacement start next week. Also, a formal tattoo/piercings/hair color policy is being added to our employee handbook; basically, anything goes as long as it’s safe to have around machinery and not offensive. All in all, it’s been a learning experience – for all of us, I think. Thanks for your advice – I really appreciated the framework for my response to Carol. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Mom_Using_Throwaway Originally posted to r/AITAH AITA for wearing a tank top around teenage boys? Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: mild sexism Original Post: December 1, 2025 Is it appropriate and/or common for a woman to wear a tank top around teens that are not her own? I (41f) recently became a step-mom to 3 children, including a 13 year old girl. My husband (37m) and I have been married only since July. This is my first time living in house with children as an adult. Last Saturday, stepdaughter is a freshman in high school and she had friends over. All I did was introduce myself. I was sweaty and gross from doing house chores the whole day. I was wearing a tank top and leggings. The tank top was sweaty, not cute at all. Yesterday, my stepdaughter said I was dressed inappropriately when her friends were over. She show me a message exchange she had with one of her friends (13m) over social media. In a response to one of her questions, the boy answered that I was "smoking hot." I don't see myself that way. She said that I should dress appropriately since I'm her mom now. BTW, it felt good that even though she was upset with me she still called me her mom. She went on to say that she feels grossed out that her mom stole her crush's attention, and she can't like him anymore because of me. Last night, when I asked my husband, he said he wasn't sure if my clothes on Saturday are appropriate or inappropriate around teenage boys. He said that maybe I shouldn't dress like that around teenage boys. He said as a former teenage boy, they're hormonal and crazy. Was I dressed inappropriately? Am I the asshole? AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I think you should be more focused on how your stepdaughter feels than wondering whether or not you're dressed appropriately around her friends. She told you her friends were making comments about it that made her uncomfortable, and I would respect her communicating that to you. NTA for wearing normal clothes for doing chores around the house. But now you know 13 year olds think you're "smoking hot" and I personally would cover up a bit if I knew they were coming over, just because your stepdaughter is asking you to. OOP: Thank you. I am concerned about how she feels. I felt like I had to ask because I didn't want to unknowingly wear anything inappropriate. OOP on her body autonomy and how clothes affect their comfort OOP: I'm a little overweight but I used to be much bigger. I actually lost over 100 pounds. You're so right, short sleeves suck for plus-size women. + For now, I've changed what I wear to make my stepdaughter more comfortable. Sweaters, and shirts with a jacket. It feels weird and I sweat a lot more but it's fine. But her and I have talked today. I'm trying to teach her that girls and women shouldn't blame themselves for the actions of boys and men. That my change is for her comfort, and NOT because I was doing anything wrong. She's smart and she's understanding so I'll probably be parading in tank tops again very soon.   Update: December 4, 2025 (three days later) Update: AITA for wearing a tank top around teenage boys ? My 1st post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/fgKCcOEXLx Before I give the update, can men please stop messaging me. It makes my husband very uncomfortable. I'm a happily married woman. I appreciate the compliments from the ones I've responded to and I appreciate them for understanding my boundaries. I have made efforts to wear sweaters or jackets. Today I talked to my stepdaughter after school. I explained to her that girls and women shouldn't take the blame for what boys and men do. I explained to her that I'm dressing definitely to make her feel comfortable but I didn't do anything wrong by wearing a tank top in from of those boys. She thanked me. She said she's dating a different boy, not the guy she originally had a crush on. That boy was of one of her friends who was there on Saturday. My stepdaughter said that she's not going to ask this boy what he thinks of me, that she doesn't want to know. I told her she's an intelligent, kind, gorgeous girl who better know her worth. She seemed to be in good spirits about the whole thing. So, a happy ending, I guess. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I think you handled this well. You shouldn't take the blame, but if it makes your daughter more comfortable and doesn't inconvenience you that much, it seems like the polite thing to do, which you did. NAH. OOP: Thank you, you get it. I wasn't wrong but just changing to make her comfortable. OOP responds to multiple comments about providing pictures of herself in normal clothes OOP: Without posting a picture, I got hundreds of messages. HUNDREDS! The few who got an innocent picture, I was expecting disappointed. Like, I'm a just a slightly chubby, middle-aged woman. But they went crazy over it. This all just prove I don't understand men. 😂 I don't know what they want. + An unexpected aspect of posting here made me realize just how deep my insecurities are. I'm a happily married woman yet I still ended up entertaining some of the messages from men. That's my issue. + I'm lucky that my husband was so understanding about it. I do admit I have deep seated insecurities.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

My 1st post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/fgKCcOEXLx Before I give the update, can men please stop messaging me. It makes my husband very uncomfortable. I'm a happily married woman. I appreciate the compliments from the ones I've responded to and I appreciate them for understanding my boundaries. I have made efforts to wear sweaters or jackets. Today I talked to my stepdaughter after school. I explained to her that girls and women shouldn't take the blame for what boys and men do. I explained to her that I'm dressing definitely to make her feel comfortable but I didn't do anything wrong by wearing a tank top in from of those boys. She thanked me. She said she's dating a different boy, not the guy she originally had a crush on. That boy was of one of her friends who was there on Saturday. My stepdaughter said that she's not going to ask this boy what he thinks of me, that she doesn't want to know. I told her she's an intelligent, kind, gorgeous girl who better know her worth. She seemed to be in good spirits about the whole thing. So, a happy ending, I guess. submitted by /u/Mom_Using_Throwaway to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/jackson20133 Caught my GF (20F) of 18 months with another girl - her absurd reaction TRIGGER WARNING: homophobia, infidelity, outing someone Original Post - rareddit Jan 7, 2016 I saw people get a lot of responses on here so I thought i'd create an account to see what advice anyone can offer. Sorry for the essay. Ok a little backstory, i'm 22 and my girlfriend (we'll call her Jess) and I have been in a relationship for nearly 18 months. She's very attractive and in all honesty I wouldn't say i'm a lost cause but i'm certainly punching a bit. Anyway last week we were at an exhibition function for our shared university course. It was a fairly normal evening up until I saw her talking to this girl from the other side of the hall, nothing unusual I just didn't recognise her. However when they turned around I noticed the mystery girl had her hand seriously low on my girlfriend's back. I didn't think much of it at the time but they were completely inseparable for the entire evening. The next week or so we were unusually distant from eachother, I wanted to make sure nothing was wrong before I went away, I was going to Bristol for the weekend and I didn't want to leave things on bad terms before I left. But she was having none of it, just being really blunt and such. So I left for my parents, who were giving me a lift to Bristol but when I got there mum said the old man was ill and we wouldn't be going, at least not today. So, already angry that she didn't tell me this over the phone I drove back to ours in a foul mood and that's when I caught her. The front door was off the latch for some reason, so I didn't need my key. I came in the door normally, but kind of stopped when I heard what sounded like Jess giggling. We live on a ground floor flat so there is no floorboards to creak. As I got closer I could hear someone, clearly a female, sound quite 'breathy' like panting. At this point I thought Jess might have been having some 'alone time' or something so I was about to make myself known until I looked down and saw a pair of worn pink all stars that I knew were not Jess's. At this point confusion was starting to build and as I turned the corner our bedroom door was wide open and there was the girl from the gallery in my fucking bed and someone was beneath the covers. "What the fuck is this" I believe was my first reaction. Gallery girl just stared at me shocked yet as I called to Jess, something strange happened. Absolutely nothing at all. She just stayed under the covers and didn't move. For what felt like the longest time, I just stood there open mouthed, until I finally shook myself into action and started to leave. Next thing I know she comes flying out of the door into the hallway of the block, wearing just a pair of knickers and a vest for god's sake, trying to somehow make this out to be my fault. I literally didn't know what to say, she's freaking out and all I could come up with was "you're not wearing anything, get back inside, we'll discuss this later". When I got back to the car the belated rage began to set in. I was angry she cheated, angry she blamed it on me and angry I didn't say something else. Honestly it's the most ridiculous, absurd scenario i've ever found myself in and perhaps that's why I wasn't so angry initially but now i'm wondering what to do. I didn't know she was into girls, she never mentioned anything like that and now she's cheated on me with one and we're renting a flat together. Is this just her experimenting? Can we recover? Has anyone been in this situation before!? I am at my wit's end here people. TL;DR; Caught Girlfriend cheating on me with another girl, blames me Edit: I've just realised how insanely British this all is so. Lift = Ride. Knickers = Panties. Vest = Tank Top. Flat = Apartment RELEVANT COMMENTS TheDandyGuyInSpace Drop her like its hot. Shes trying to justify being a shitty person that ain't yo fault OOP Thats all I can think of, but there's many other things to consider in all fairness. TheDandyGuyInSpace Look obviously no one here is gonna know the whole story and every detail. Based on information given thats probably the best course. Unless your trying to justify her cheating and looking for validation that it is actually your fault so you can feel good about staying with her. OOP I dont mean consider from her side. She done the dirty I know that. But we've literally just committed to a six month rental, she's texting all the time saying she's sorry. I just don't want to be too rash here. TheDandyGuyInSpace If you saw her getting fucked by a man would you still hold the same opinion? OOP Hmmm I guess not. I wanted to tell myself she was maybe just experimenting but she was clearly going down on this chick and I honestly don't know how long it's been going on. TheDandyGuyInSpace Cheating is cheating, doesn't matter if its a man or woman, and even if it was experimenting I'm not gonna except my SO to be comfortable with her coming home to me fucking another dudes butthole because I was "curious" ~ DaveAzoicer Experimenting or not, she cheated on you. Now there is 2 things you can do, try and patch it up. Or end the relationship. Skellum Actually based on his edit it more sounds like she used him to hide her sexuality. OOP Yeah to be honest the more I learn about this the more it sounds like she's way past experimenting. [deleted] I mean....she was going down on the other girl. I might be able to believe this was an experiementing thing if it was the other way around, but most girls don't just go from 100% straight to eating p***y. They just don't. Regardless- its still cheating! OOP Honestly it's this kind of thing that's been going round my mind since it happened. She never let on a single hint she was anything but straight until moment I found her between another girl's legs. Feels like the whole thing we had has just been a lie. ~ [deleted] Can you go into a little more detail about her "absurd reaction"? You teased it in the title but, "trying to somehow make this out to be my fault" didnt really deliver OOP Well, partly absurd because she was wearing basically nothing out in the hallway where strangers from other flats come and go and she's historically quite a modest person. Worse though because she said something along the lines of "you said you were leaving for Bristol" which absolutely flabbergasted me. Then the nail in the coffin was "What, so I get ALL the blame for this?" to which I had no appropriate response other than absolute fury, so I took the decision to calmly tell her to go back inside and I left. Edit: I've read nearly all of these comments now and honestly, you guys are pretty much spot on i'm afraid. I can't go back to her and keep any shred of dignity, especially after I found gallery girl on fb earlier and messaged her. She admitted it's been going on a while and is desperate for me not to tell anyone. As much as it would be a shitty move, i'm seriously considering outing them both. Knowing her friends, the last thing Jess would want is for them to think she's into girls. I know it's petty but im just so mad right now. RELEVANT COMMENTS Zayinked In regards to your edit about outing her: I understand that you already said you wouldn't, but please consider before telling anyone anything no matter the circumstances: outing her could put her in physical danger. With her family, her friends, random people on the street. It's not just a shitty thing to do, it's literally bargaining her physical health, living situation, friendships, relationships, etc. She did a horrible thing, but nothing calls for that. ImNotAReplicant This is the U.K - people aren't as bothered about these things as they are in the U.S. She certainly wouldn't be in any physical danger. Pretty much all the women I know identify as bisexual. It's not all that surprising when you find out a girl likes being with other women. OOP Honestly the worst thing that would happen is that her asshole friends who she used to make derogatory lesbian jokes with would realise how much of a fucking hypocrite she has been this whole time. Couldn't think of a nicer outcome for the girl. Update - rareddit Jan 9, 2016 (2 days later) Had a lot of back and forth texts with the ex, she's stopped saying she's sorry, instead trying to say that I didn't see what I thought I saw, which is hilarious. Here's the kicker though, she told one of our mutual friends (a girl) that we split up because she had a guy round and I hit the roof and over-reacted. Wasn't gonna divulge the full story to anyone but after I heard she had said that I told this mutual friend the WHOLE story. Mutual friend didn't believe me, so I showed her the messages between me and gallery girl. Now her friends at least know she's a cheat and a liar. Also I told the landlord i'd like to take myself off the lease because this has happened and he's looking into it. Hopefully that can be resolved in the next week or so. I've also been getting spammed with texts from Jess today saying i'm heartless and i've ruined her life, oh the irony FINAL COMMENTS kellithean While I sit here on my balcony and smoke my last cigarette for today (bed time), nothing better has ever satisfied this loneliness of mine than reminiscing about a post I read earlier today by OP, and the result being posted with sweet vengeance. Bless you stranger, you've made my heart a little lighter. OOP Obviously it's a shitty situation all round, and honestly I was willing to pretty much let it all slide after I cooled off from yesterday, but lying about me to our mutual friends? Nah. -bonita_applebum Ohhhh, please tell her this, like, not in a way that she can reply back coz you should cut her out, but like in a snarky note on a bouquet of the cheapest flowers ever, left on the stoop to your old apartment. She opens the door, reads the start of the note and feels hope and then you dash it. ...but I am a vengeful god. Don't take my advice. OOP Haha it's good advice in my opinion, however I am in constant discourse with the girl despite the fact she is talking absolute nonsense. -bonita_applebum Well, here's some good advice then, stop talking to her. there's nothing to gain from it, I mean c'mon she's obviously an idiot. Thinking back to the first post when she was hugged up in the gallery while you were there how does a person that stupid manage to feed & clothe themselves? OOP You are correct, after tonight I dare say we won't speak again, other than me going over to get my stuff. ~ [deleted] "she told one of our mutual friends (a girl) that we split up because she had a guy round and I hit the roof and over-reacted. Wasn't gonna divulge the full story to anyone but after I heard she had said that I told this mutual friend the WHOLE story." Yer, I suspect once you start lying like she did all bets are off. She compounded an already terrible situation. I don't think she thought things through. OOP Yeah I tried to explain this to her over text. This is completely all her own doing. She at first claimed I didn't see what I know I saw. Then she tired to explain that people might think i'm making it up, clearly not realising i'd spoke to gallery girl over Facebook. I showed her the proof, but said I wouldn't out her if she was honest about it all with our friends. She wasn't honest so I told them. I really don't know what she thought would happen here. ~ saltedcaramelsauce "she's stopped saying she's sorry, instead trying to say that I didn't see what I thought I saw" How dumb does she think you are? What was she expecting you to say? "Oh you're right, I didn't see you in bed with someone else after all, I was just hallucinating"? OOP I think she's just in full damage-control mode now and quite frankly isn't making a lot of sense. She'd rather shift the blame back onto me than confront the fact that her slightly homophobic friends now know she's into girls, so she's panicking. ~ ZombieBoobies I can't help but wonder, do you just have to take a moment and wonder what kind of person you were dating? She just sounds so...dumb. OOP Honestly I know i've painted a picture of an incredibly stupid girl but that's what makes her actions here all the more shocking to me, she really isn't that dumb. I have to believe that her getting caught in a seriously compromising position is what has led her to act so stupidly, because I have found myself completely dumbfounded at some of the stuff she has done/said since I caught the two of them. What the ex told the friends exactly I think her implication to the mutual friend was that there was just a guy at our house and no funny business was going on, like there ACTUALLY was with the girl. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/sluttygirl55 Thanks to a longtime lurker for suggesting this BoRU Overheard roommates [20-24M] talking about how "slutty" I [20F] dress. Trigger Warnings: misogyny, sexism Original Post: April 5, 2016 I live with 3 boys and 1 other girl. Up until this point we were all pretty friendly. Yesterday I overheard the 3 guys talking downstairs. I don't think they knew I was home. They were talking about how "slutty" I dress and laughing. One of them said I must be "so desperate to hook up with one of them" and they were making jokes about which one of them it is. I'm so upset. I generally wear shorts and a tank top around the house, just because they're comfortable. Sometimes when it's hot I'll wear crop tops. I don't purposely dress "sexy"-just picture your standard H&M or Forever 21 outfit. I've seen the guys walking around downstairs in boxers or with their shirts off! It wasn't a big deal to me so I just assumed we were all cool. Why is it okay for them to be in their underwear but not for me to wear my everyday clothes? Additionally, one of them has a girlfriend who dresses exactly the same, if not more revealing than me. Very low cut shirts, short shorts, etc. It's totally fine that she dresses this way, but I don't get why she's fine but I'm a "slut". And here's the kicker: I'm in a long-distance relationship with my GIRLFRIEND. Because I'm gay as fuck. What do I do? I don't feel like I'm in the wrong but I am so uncomfortable with the idea of being around them KNOWING that they're thinking about how much of a "slut" I am and how I'm desperately trying to sexually attract them. tl;dr: Roommates called called me a "slut" because of the way I dress, while both themselves and their girlfriend dress more revealingly. What do I do? Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I think next time you see one of them in boxers or shirtless you should say "Dude, you're dressing pretty slutty today. That's so funny, you must be so desperate to hook up with someone in this house. Who is it?" Then when they look at you like you grew two heads, laugh, inform them they're gross but you don't GAF because you wouldn't sleep with sniggering spineless morons even if you were into men. ... I'd let other people give actual good advice, but a lot of what's on offer so far seems to be along the lines of "boys will be boys" with a helpful side order of well maybe you do dress slutty. It's pretty sad that it's plum normal for men to objectify and demean women who are meant to be their friends. I wouldn't be friends with people who talked about me this way. ETA: Maybe I was a bit vitriolic in this post, but the situation ground my gears! OOP: Hahahaha oh my god that's hilarious! The look on their face would be PRICELESS. I just walk into the room, sigh, and go "Look dude, I know you're super desperate to sleep with me but it's not gonna happen so you can just stop dressing like a slut now." Yeah I guess I'm just a little sad because I kinda liked these guys. It hurt to hear from people who I thought were my friends. But whatever, if anything my girlfriend got a kick out of it ("they have no idea how wrong they are!"). : ) Commenter 2: I don't know if this applies to you at all but here goes. I've heard this about me too several times over the years (29F here) even if Ive show less skin than the girl next to me. I'm pretty voluptuous and quickly learned that what looks sporty or even classy on other girls seem to still come across as "slutty" or "dressing up sexy" when I wear it, shorts and tank tops def being on the list on what's been commented on. It's an unfortunate effect which I've had to come to terms with. The good news is these childish notions seem to disappear as you grow older. And the best way to counter those sort of remarks is to hold your head high and stay confident with a dont-give-a-shit attitude. It's a learned skill but it's damn great. OOP: I completely feel you. I have a lot of friends who have larger chests or who developed early, and I have nothing but sympathy for the shit these girls have to deal with. Aside from actual, literal back pain, they've told me how much trouble they've had buying clothes that don't look "sexy", and even when they're wearing very covered up clothing people will still manage to look at them in a sexual light. I'm about average-sized so this doesn't really apply to me but I appreciate the advice! It's really unfair the way society treats girls with larger chests-it's not as if they can help it! Commenter 3: They think you are hot. They are attracted to you and are embarrassed that they find you so distracting, and are using bravado to try to make themselves feel better about it. I'd call them out and tell them if you were a guy dressing that way they wouldn't care, and that it's them creating the issue, not you. OOP: Haha oh man, that first part made me laugh. : ) If only they could have voiced it as a compliment to me instead! You're probably right about the last bit. I agree, it's just that I'm kind of scared of saying that to their faces. Maybe I'll work up the courage.   Update: April 8, 2016 (three days later) Firstly, I just wanted to thank you guys for being so sweet in the last thread. I was so stressed out and you guys made me laugh. : ) First update was removed because I forgot a link, but I fixed it. Onto the update. Before I posted, I was basically set on hiding awkwardly in my room or maybe dressing more conservatively when I left my room. After I saw all your responses, I was filled with a feminist, body-positive rage. These boys were not going to get away with slut shaming me. Of the three guys, I'm closest with Tom (Boy 1/3), so I decided to talk to him individually. I heard him coming up the stairs and I just took a deep breath and walked out of my room, smiled, and asked if I could talk to him for a minute. He came into my room and we were just making small talk. I shut the door, summoned all of my assertiveness, and said, "So, I actually have something weird to talk to you about. I heard you guys talking about me the other day." I'd like to say that I threw down with this boy, that I told him that sexism is not cool or funny and I won't put up with it and demand that he apologize. But instead I, um. I cried. A lot. I straight up just broke down, I couldn't even speak. Tom look absolutely devastated. He immediately apologized, said I wasn't supposed to hear any of that, but I wasn't really paying attention because I was just trying to get a grip on myself. There's nothing more awkward than crying in front of someone when you're "not on that level" yet. Anyway, I asked him if that was really what he thought of me. He said no, and that they were just being dumb, and that when Sam (Boy 2/3) brought it up he was really surprised and knew it was wrong but he didn't call him out on it. He said he should have, and he knew he should have, but he didn't want to make a big deal about it because Sam and Bob (Boy 3/3) were just joking around, even though they were being mean. He said it was shitty of him not to call them out and that by not saying anything and acting like it was funny, he allowed it to happen. He said that he has no excuse and he's sorry. This checks out- from what I heard, it was mainly Sam and Bob saying the bad stuff. I said I knew they were just joking around but it made me feel horrible to be talked about that way, and that the sexism really slapped me in the face. He agreed and said it was horrible, and he also said something like "not that it's an excuse, but you're really pretty and I think thats why we were talking about you that way. none of us actually believed what we were saying but i think it was just wishful thinking and we were idiots about it." So for all you guys who suggested that they were attracted to me- BINGO. I laughed and told Tom that I had a girlfriend. He said that was totally cool, and then looked embarrassed and said they must have looked like complete idiots bragging about how much I wanted to sleep with them. I agreed. Tom asked if there was anything he could do to make up for it. I told him not to tell the other guys anything because I don't really want to talk about it anymore, but if they ever start talking about another person like that, even if it's not me, to speak up. He promised me he would and apologized about 9000000 more times and left. I heard him go into his room, and then immediately leave and go out the front door. I didn't think much of it and put my headphones in and played Trackmania for a while. Later that day I opened my door and there was a big cardboard box right outside my door. My first thought was that I'd ordered something from amazon and forgot about it, but it looked like a used box that someone had repurposed and taped shut. I dragged it into my room and opened it. Guys. It was a bouquet of flowers and a cake with the word "SORRY" written on it. If you're thinking that I cried for the second time in three hours, well . . . you're right. Anyway, I'm sorry I didn't throw down with them like so many of you wanted. Unfortunately I am but a tiny creampuff. I'm working a lot on being more assertive but in this scenario I handled it as best as I could. Confronting Tom about it was actually super scary, but I'm proud of myself for bringing it up at all. I accept Tom's apology. He seemed genuine, and this does seem like a one-off shitty behavior situation. He's usually a pretty stand-up guy. The other guys . . . I don't know. To be honest, I wasn't super sold on them to start with, so I feel like I'll just continue to not pursue a friendship with them. And I'll continue to dress however I want. : ) Lastly, serious thanks to all of you for your responses. I was hesitant to post this on reddit because reddit can sometimes be . . . not so nice about women's issues. But yall are cool. submitted by

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/THROWRAsjaja2828 My boyfriends friends called me a butterface and my boyfriend co-signed Originally posted to r/relationship_advice TRIGGER WARNING: body shaming, misogyny, gaslighting MOOD SPOILER: Infuriating but ultimately good Original Post - rareddit Sept 8, 2020 I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years. I thought he was attracted to me, all of me. He’s never called me ugly and always compliments me with or without makeup. Last night he brought his friends over. I’m cool with them but we’re not that close so usually when they do come over to play video games and smoke, I go upstairs. That night when I was walking past the room to the bathroom I could hear my name. The door was closed but I stopped to listen (I know eavesdropping is wrong) but cmon, they said my name! I heard one of my boyfriends friends say that they hate that I always leave when they come because I wear shorts and tank top around the house and usually dress more conservatively when I’m around them in social settings. He went on to say that I have a fat ass and nice boobs but I’m a “butterface” without makeup. If you don’t know, it’s when a girl has a nice body “but her face”. And my boyfriend laughed! LOUDLY! He didn’t even defend me! His reply? “Her body is perfect”. What?! They moved onto a different topic and started talking about other girls so I gave up on listening and went back upstairs. I don’t think I’m ugly but I did cry. I’m ashamed to say my self esteem took a hit but it did. It hurt worse to know that my boyfriend laughed and didn’t defend my looks. I won’t lie and say I’m the best supermodel, but I’m not ugly! I have shoulder length brown hair, clear skin, features are decent. Maybe my eyebrows could be less sparse and I wear glasses but I would give myself a solid 6/10 without makeup and maybe a 8 with? Maybe I’m just delusional? I felt sick sleeping next to my boyfriend and wouldn’t let him touch me. He’s attracted to my body and not my face and I hate myself low key. I’m 22, he’s 25. TOP COMMENTS Gettothevan I can’t even imagine a friend of mine talking about my girlfriend like that openly. I would say that he doesn’t respect you. Oblitus94 If anyone said something like that about my partner they'd be invited to leave and never come back. You come into their house and want to perv on his partner? And THEN insult her? So many boundaries crossed. TheRealMicrowaveSafe Invited to leave? I'd finally get to achieve my bucket list of tossing someone out my door like a bouncer! Update - rareddit Sept 10, 2020 (2 days later) I wasn’t expecting to get so many replies. I read every single one and I want to thank you all. Breaking up wasn’t even a thought on my mind but seeing men saying they wouldn’t allow their friends to say that and women saying they wouldn’t tolerate that helped me be more confident in bringing it up to my boyfriend because I wasn’t planning on it. Last night I sat him down and I told him that I overheard his conversation with his friends and how what they said was really hurtful and it stung worse that he didn’t defend me and just laughed. At first he denied it ever happened and I got upset and almost cried because I felt so frustrated. Then he admitted it and said it was just a dumb joke and he forgot about it five minutes later. Then he said that his friends opinions wouldn’t matter so much to me if I didn’t care about their thoughts on my physical appearance. I said I don’t care what they think it’s the fact that they said it and you sat there and laughed. He said that he finds me attractive if that’s what I want to hear so badly and that if my friends said he was a butterface he wouldn’t care because he isn’t attracted to them and since I care, I must have some sort of attraction to his friends... I got up and said that we’re done. How is he gonna flip this on me and make it seem like I want to be with his friends because their comment upset me. His reaction is what upset me. He said that if I’m breaking up with him because his friends think I’m unattractive then I’m doing him the biggest favor of his life. So we’re over. I’m moving in with my sister in her spare guest room. I’m so heartbroken. His reaction wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. I don’t want to end things with him thinking I like his friends but I guess it is what it is. I’m moving on. He doesn’t care about me and I wasted two years over him. It’s whatever, I’m not interesting isn’t dating now but there’s more fish in the sea. Edit: Wow thanks for so many awards! I’m actually shocked by all these responses. He found out about this post and sent it to me saying I’m insecure for goind to reddit for my relationship problems. He said he’s gonna sue for slander but I didn’t say his name... he cussed me out in multiple messages and I blocked him. To all the positive comments, thanks for your support. All your kind words helped me through all the crying I was doing yesterday. To all the negative comments saying I’m ugly and weak for ending things over something so stupid, I’m sorry but my peace of mind and not feeling like shit everything I’m around a guy is way more important to me than being in a relationship. All the incels making dumb sandwich jokes and saying misogynistic comments because they’re upset I broke up with him, I understand someone ending a relationship (something you’ll never experience) is unfathomable to you, so I won’t get too upset by your dumb comments. TOP COMMENT norrathhighelf It’s like a play by play of the narcissist prayer: That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did... You deserved it. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I (26M) am in my final year of university, and I had a professor let's call him, Dr. R, who always made weird, inappropriate comments. At first, I thought he was just old-fashioned, but over time, I realized he was blatantly sexist. It started subtly, he would call on male students more often and dismiss female students' answers as "lucky guesses." But as the semester went on, his comments became worse. He once said in class, "Women just aren’t as naturally gifted in logic-based subjects," and another time, when a girl asked a question, he laughed and said, "If female students spent less time worrying about their looks and more time studying, maybe they’d get better grades." Whenever we had a difficult topic, he’d smirk and say, "This might be a little hard for the girls, but don’t worry, just smile at your lab partners, and they’ll help you out." Then one day, he completely crossed the line. A girl in my class wore a tank top because it was hot outside, nothing inappropriate, just normal summer wear. He paused the lecture and said, "Wow, dressing like that for extra credit? Bold strategy." Some people laughed awkwardly, but the girl looked mortified. She barely spoke for the rest of the class. That was when I decided to start recording. Over the next few weeks, I captured multiple instances of him making sexist comments. The worst was when he joked that women should focus on "easier" fields because STEM was "too stressful for them." That one pissed me off because there were girls in the class working their asses off, and he was acting like they didn’t belong there. I compiled everything and submitted it anonymously to the university’s disciplinary committee. They launched an investigation, and within a month, Dr. R was fired. Now, some of my classmates, mostly the guys, are pissed at me. They say I "ruined a man’s career over a few jokes" and that I should have just ignored him. But a lot of the female students have thanked me, saying they’ve been uncomfortable in his class for years. Edit: My best friend was cursing the person who got him fired in front of me. I told him it was me, and he told this to everyone around. Edit: My best friend was cursing the person who got him fired in front of me. I told him it was me, and he told this to everyone around. Edit: people mostly men who are bashing me in Dm's are the same like my friends. Edit:Stop bashing me for someone else's actions. You all couldn't digest that some man could do this. submitted by /u/Smoosa_Champagne to r/stories [link] [comments]

In this sport it's a common thought and sentiment, once you are eliminated from the playoffs that you want your team to lose. We saw this with the giants this past week, they had the 1 pick, had a random outstanding performace, especially by Drew Lock, and now the fans are mad that they are now the 4th pick. By all accounts the only thing stopping teams from purposely losing after they get eliminated is pride, it simply sucks to lose when you are so competitive. Other pro leagues have tried to circumvent this with a draft lottery, however this is worse in my opinion, because there's always chance involved. In the NBA the pistons had the worst record for 3 years and never got the first, or even a top 3 pick. Meanwhile last year a team that was in the play in Tornament, aka fighting for a playoff spot, got the first pick. Also you still can tank to try and get better lottery odds. However the PWHL (Pro Women's Hockey League) has this system: once a team is eliminated, they earn draft points, more draft points, the higher the pick. Draft points are just a way to say "good stats" because it's not just based off who scored the most points after elimination it's some other stuff. Hockey and Football are different so a football draft point system would be some equation of total points, yards, yards allowed, and probably a stat for kickers. It's not a per game system. The worst teams that get eliminated first get more time to earn points, the teams that are still fighting for a playoff spot right now wouldn't earn any points since they never officially got eliminated. Teams still in it going into week 18 would be evaluated similar to how the playoffs teams are. As an example: the falcons and the Buccaneers could both win the division, it comes down to their week 18 games, so both are fighting for their playoff spot. However they aren't playing each other, they are playing the other two teams in the division, the Panthers and the saints respectively. On paper the Panthers and the saints should want to lose, losing increases their draft pick. However with this other system, both teams would be fighting to win and perform well, because that would increase their draft pick submitted by /u/Sarcastic_Rocket to r/NFLv2 [link] [comments]

This happened when I finally had the nerve to try a pixie-cut hairstyle. I was really happy about it because it felt like me. I will admit that when I shop for clothes, I do not care for gender norms. For example, I bought a man's Hawaiian shirt because it felt breezy to me, and I really liked its fabric. So, on to the story. I was in the in the mall with my then-boyfriend and went straight for the women's bathroom as usual. There was no one there except for a woman putting on makeup. I went inside and was almost close to one of the stalls when said lady quickly approached me with makeup tools still in hand and said, "Isn't this comfort room for women only?" And I was confused, like, "Yeah?" because there's obviously a big sign out there. But then, I realized she was staring intently at my chest as if trying to determine if I'm really a girl or some guy entering a woman's bathroom. And I really don't understand why she'd think of the latter because I was wearing short-shorts with leggings. Sure, I was wearing the breezy men's Hawaiian shirt but it was unbuttoned and loose to reveal a tight black tank top underneath. Like, that's definitely feminine. The whole situation felt so ridiculous to me that I made eye contact, pointed in the direction of my shorts with both hands, and casually asked, "Wanna check?" If she's gonna make this weird, I'm gonna make it weirder. Wanna enter a stall with me and have a peek? Sure why not? We're both women (sarcastically) I like to think the silence that followed made her realize who was being a creep because she backed out immediately and said no. I finally did my business in the stall, and while I was washing my hands, she apologized, and I told her it was no big deal. But I have to apologize to the trans people out there who get treated like that when they're just minding their own business. Edit: Wow, I never realize this would blow up. And reading the comments, I wanted to believe in good faith she learned her lesson but maybe you're all right that she wasn't sorry she harrassed me and more sorry that she harrassed the wrong person. One of the comments gave me a helpful tip on what to say next time. Thanks. Edit 2: Hehe, some people have clocked in which country I am. Didn't know other countries don't use that term. Edit 3: To all the other people saying transphobic bull in the comments, knock it off. Trans women are women. submitted by /u/SunbathingNapCat to r/traumatizeThemBack [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA_Canning1900 Originally posted to r/relationship_advice My (42F) husband (42M) has informed me he intends to go on a "gaycation" with his BIL (35M) in Ibiza. How do I handle this? Editor’s note: added paragraph breaks for readability Trigger Warnings: infidelity, internalized homophobia, accusations of homophobia Original Post: November 27, 2024 Hi there, I really wish I didn't have to make this post but...here goes. So me and my husband have been happily married for about 16 years give or take. We both have stable careers, good family life and are fairly fortunate despite the cost of living racking the UK right now. We have two boys (15 and 10) and up until this Sunday, thought we had it pretty good. We argue sometimes of course but never gotten too bad and we have a pretty decent sex life with some exploration but I won't get into that. Long and short is, on Sunday, just after I dropped our boys off at their friends, my husband asked me if we had the house alone and more importantly, do I have a minute. I said yes and he sat me down then got out this printed poster for some sort of orgy and started explaining to me the concept of a 'gaycation'. How it's where straight men go to somewhere with "sun, sand and booze" and "become gay" for the duration of the trip but that's fine because it doesn't actually count, because "what happens on the gaycation, stays on the gaycation". I was just completely silent and mortified, even moreso when he said he was looking into booking a trip to Ibiza next year with his BIL (his sister's husband) to experience it for himself. When he finally let me speak I just said, I need him to be clear with me, is he gay? Because if yes, that's "okay" but we need to figure out what happens going forward. I didn't let myself get angry or upset, I was just...stunned. He swore up and down how he's not gay and he's 100% attracted to women and of course still loves me and our boys. So I said well do you think you're bi maybe and he got very defensive, saying how I need to drop the accusations and that this is the beauty of the gaycation, it allows straight men to "experience" gayness without actually being gay and how it's like going to an aquarium??? And again he was adamant he doesn't find men's bodies or genitalia exciting at all, but he needs to experience this apparently. I said well I'm really not comfortable because even if he was bi, this would be explicitly cheating on me and he got angry and reiterated he's not, because "that's the beauty of the gaycation" etc. I just had enough and left the room. I ignored him for the rest of the day but we spoke at tea where I again asked him, why does he want to do this so bad if he's not gay? He said how he's interested in how gay men's live differ to straight men's and that unfortunately, once the gaycation begins, it's simply impossible for a man to resist and he must "surrender himself mind, body and soul" to the gaycation or "be destroyed". I really cant't put into words how surreal it was, because he was speaking so matter of factly and he again insists this is a thing that straight men do all the time and how he's actually "doing it a bit late". I just said to him if he has any love for me then he can't go ahead with this and if he does, the marriage will be dead. We didn't speak anymore after that. Since then he's mentioned no more of it but somehow, and this is what scares me a lot too, that decision genuinely seems to be tearing him up??? He didn't go into work on Monday (and only went in half a day yesterday) because he told them he just felt too ill and he just looks distraught every time I see him. I really don't think he's wholly gay though I can absolutely believe he's bi but I'd rather we talked about that in a healthy way rather than this incredibly weird denialism around going on a sex holiday to Ibiza. Has anyone known straight guys to do this and come back and just go back to being straight. Like surely that can't be a thing that happens. I'm so out of my depth here and I just don't know how to even initiate the conversation. For the record I also haven't mentioned it to his sister yet, I don't know how I'd even break it to her. Thanks for any help, I just don't even want to think so being able to get this out there has helped even just a little bit. Edit: Wow this blew up! This has been incredibly sobering and I think I've now confirmed what I already knew to be the case. The marriage is dead, one way or another. In a way I was in denial myself about that. I have contacted my SIL and she initially screamed at me, calling me a liar and even insinuated I was trying to steal her husband. She rang me back shortly after, apologised and admitted she was in deep, deep shock. I have asked my parents to look after the boys and we're going to meet tomorrow to discuss this deeper. I have also texted my husband and told him he will need to make alternative accommodation arrangements but he will not be sleeping here tonight and a bag will be waiting for him. Not sure if the mods want to lock the post or not but I think I've got my answers. Thank you for all the kind words, especially Champion Flight who really gave me the good dose of reality I needed. P.S. I see a lot of people asking about the aquarium and at risk of doxxing myself - there is a pretty famous aquarium in the UK called "The Deep". At the very end you walk through a tunnel that goes underneath the main fish tank so it's quite 'immersive' I suppose. My husband explained the aquarium thing in that it's a bit like that. You go there and you "observe" the fishes, you even get a bit up close but you never actually enter the water (get emotionally invested) or "become a fish "(gay) so it doesn't really count. It was a very bizarre analogy and I pointed out it still makes no sense and he just got more in a huff and how I just "don't get it". And frankly I still don't. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Your husband isn't proposing a "gaycation" - he's proposing cheating on you with men while using magical thinking to pretend it doesn't count. The fact that he's planning this with his sister's husband makes it even more disturbing. His bizarre explanation about "surrendering mind, body and soul" isn't straight man curiosity - it's someone desperately trying to justify exploring his sexuality while keeping his heterosexual marriage. His depression about not being able to go isn't about missing a vacation - it's about being forced to confront his sexuality without his convenient "what happens in Ibiza stays in Ibiza" excuse. His meltdown over not going shows how desperately he wants to avoid facing this reality. OOP: I read over this multiple times and I guess the worst part is I know you're completely right. OOP should consider about the divorce OOP: I wanted to avoid the divorce option but...I guess it's the only option isn't it? Commenter 2: So this is just a thought, but I’m wondering if he was really planning on doing the gaycation or if that was just a cover to try to get you to agree to it. What if the real plan was to get with women while he’s down there? OOP: That...I hadn't really thought of that tbh. And now the thought terrifies me. From the way he was talking about men, the fact he had a poster for a gay orgy...I mean its one hell of a bluff surely? Commenter 3: Tell him you are gunna have a straightcation while he’s gone and you are going to surrender mind body and soul to other men. Honest to God if my husband proposed this to me, I’d use his time away to pack up, move out and have divorce papers waiting for him.   Update: November 28, 2024 Retrieved by Unddit So when I last posted, I'd contacted my husband to tell him he wouldn't be staying at home tonight and a bag would be waiting for him. As you can imagine we argued. Quite badly. I won't go into the specific details but no I'm 100% on board with the fact at a minimum he's bi, might even be gay altogether. We've had arguments in the past but I've genuinely never seen him have such a childish tantrum before, screaming about how I just don't understand "the gaycation" (absolutely despise that phrase now) and insinuating I'm actually homophobic because I refuse to allow him to participate in this "cultural exchange with the gay community". A lot of you said to ask him if it'd be acceptable if the roles were in reverse and I did say would it be acceptable if I went and slept with other guys during that week? Like fucking clockwork, he was very angry and offended, saying it's completely different because a gaycation means nothing and what happens on the gaycation, stays on the gaycation etc. so doesn't actually count. Whereas I'd just be "straight up cheating". Well I turned it around on him: "No but you see what happens in Manchester stays in Manchester. It doesn't mean anything, it doesn't count. It's like bird watching." And...I think it got through to him? He went all quiet and then started crying, admitting the thought of me sleeping with another man is destroying his heart but "relationships need sacrifices" so agreed - while in tears - that when he goes on the gaycation, I'll get one week in Manchester to do whatever I want. He doesn't want me to, but that's "fair in a twisted way" he supposed. I told him to get out of my house. Thankfully he left without a fight. I know it's incredibly petty but I also drained the joint bank account (legal in the UK) so he couldn't try to use it against me. About an hour later, I got rang up by his mum (my MIL) who just screamed and screamed at me about being a cheating wh*re, how I was horrible, what about the kids, etc.. When I finally got my composure back I just said ask your son about the "gaycation". Obviously at first she got angry but I said no just ask him about "the gaycation", he'll explain but she called me a fucking joke and hung up. Later on, getting into the evening, got _another_ phone call from her in floods of tears, she was very apologetic and I told her she doesn't need to be the one to apologise. She was so upset she put FIL on the phone who while he sounded "calm", I could just sort of tell he was on the warpath. Again, very apologetic and said he overheard that phrase, asked my husband and husband initially said no its nothing before explaining how it's "a modern thing men to do" etc. and gave them the same spiel about how what happens on the gaycation, men cannot resist the gaycation, how a man must surrender to the gaycation etc. FIL just said they told him to leave or they'd call the police, don't care where he goes but he wasn't staying there. Husband tried to call me while I was on the phone but I just ignored it and FIL just said he was so sorry for me and they have my corner in this so...that's one thing. Told them to be there for their daughter because it sounds like BIL is involved (husband didn't tell them that...) and FIL just said he had to go because he was so, so, so angry. Got a text from my husband after the phone call which was all weirdly rambly, saying about how I'd abused the gaycation to "destroy _his_ marriage and destroy _his_ life" and again insinuated I (and his parents) was homophobic for doing such a thing. Told him we'll talk when he grows up and blocked his number. I took a day off work myself to have the locks changed this morning so that's a £500 gone but whatever, at least I know he won't be coming back. I'm going to look into how to proceed with a divorce and then we'll move from there. Oh of course, there's also the brother in law. So I haven't yet _met_ with SIL (she was in such a state and has taken this far, far worse than I have for reasons that'll be clear soon), we're going to maybe try tomorrow but we did talk over the phone and I 'eavesdropped' on the conversation with her husband where she put her phone on speaker and I went on mute. Her husband got home earlier (she made him come home, told him there was an emergency) and just said to him, can you please explain what a gaycation is? She told me afterwards she was praying he'd look confused or just be like what? or anything like that. But instead he just sat her down and explained that a gaycation is a new thing where straight men go to gay hotspots and participate in gay sex acts but it doesn't count because there's no "investment" and because what happens on the gaycation stays on the gaycation. He said it's like writing down angry thoughts and putting them in a drawer. You "never have to see them again". Whole time, SIL is in tears as he just calmly bats off the same points my husband did about how it doesn't count and he even did the whole it's impossible to resist, you must surrender or be destroyed shit. I seriously think they must be speaking to a dominatrix or something (are there even male doms?) because surely neither of them are that into this to actually make that up on their own? I really don't want to go into what was...discussed, for her sake but it did become very apparent to me that the BIL is into sissy hypno porn and at times conflated that with the concept of a 'gaycation'. There was this utterly surreal moment where SIL is just trying to wrap her ahead around this while also in floods of tears and he explains, so genuinely, so matter of factly, that for "most men", the gaycation is either a one-time or annual thing but some men "go on the gaycation for years" and others simply "never return" because they use hypnosis and mind control to be "totally feminised" into a state of permanent "pseudo-gayness". She said in disbelief surely if you're taking it up the arse willingly because you want to, that makes you gay, and he said no, because that's the beauty of the gaycation - you can do all this gay stuff but you don't interact with the "wider gay life-experience". She asked him if the sissy stuff is what he wanted and he said, "not on a long-term basis" and was adamant this is something all straight men do but she wouldn't get it because she's a woman. Then there were more insinuations of homophobia. Well that marriage is dead too I suppose. The whole ordeal ended when she said to him he has a choice to make and he said, no, he doesn't need to make this choice because the beauty of the gaycation is that it allows him to keep his marriage because it doesn't count. She said that's not the choice, the choice is whether he's leaving the house that night or she is. Only good thing he did was leave. Me and SIL spoke about it after that and I'm just...still utterly stunned. I understand she's gone to her parents for the support What exactly did we do to have our lives destroyed in such an abrupt, bizarre embarrassing way? Per some advice I'm going to look at devices and bank statements to see if I can find any definitive proof of cheating. After that...I suppose figure out how I tell the boys why their father won't be coming home. Edit: Spoke to other SIL (My husband's family is older sister, him, younger sister/original SIL) and gave her a...skimmed down version of it. She asked her husband and thankfully he was deeply confused but then mentioned about 2 years ago at a birthday party, he was approached by my husband and BIL about signing up to some "online bootcamp" around BDSM crossdressing. He assumed they were taking the piss out of him so told them to fuck off and never really thought of it again. The fact that this has been going on for that long is making me want to throw up. PS, for the poster who said about divorce options, I'm actually going to look into adultery because plain and simple that's what this is. Top Comments Commenter 1: Your husband and BIL are deep in a shared delusion that's destroyed two families. Their identical talking points about "surrender" and "destruction" prove this was coordinated. They're not just planning to cheat - they're already involved in some online community that's warped their thinking. The fact that they both instantly launched into the same script about "gaycations" shows this isn't spontaneous. You made the right call draining the account and changing the locks. Their attempts to flip this into accusations of homophobia show how desperately they're trying to avoid responsibility. The identical language, the bizarre aquarium and bird-watching analogies, the talk of "surrender or be destroyed" - they're in some online echo chamber that's completely divorced from reality. When your husband agreed to let you have a "Manchester week" while crying, he revealed the whole lie. He knows exactly what this is - cheating - he just wants permission to do it while denying you the same. The talk about hypnosis and "permanent feminization" reveals just how far this goes. Get a lawyer, protect your assets, and document everything - this will get worse before it gets better. Focus on protecting yourself and your children, because they're too far gone in their shared fantasy to see the destruction they're causing. What a pathetic hill for two men to die on. They destroyed their marriages, traumatized their families, and alienated their parents - all while insisting none of it "counts" because they made up special rules about it. They want to cheat without consequences, and they've found an online community that validates this fantasy.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I (22M) went on a trip to a theme park with my church's youth group yesterday. I’m one of the chaperones, and the kids are mostly teenagers around 13-16 years old. For the most part, they’re good kids, but they can be a bit rowdy, especially when they’re in a big group. While we (Myself and 5/6 boys) were waiting in line for one of the rides, there was a woman standing in front of us who looked to be around my age (early 20sF). She was wearing a tank top and shorts, not even booty shorts mid thigh length, nothing outrageous, just typical summer clothes you would see in a mall clothing store. However, some of the boys in our group decided that she wasn’t dressed “modestly” enough, women in our church typically wear ankle-length skirts and sleeves to the elbow. They started clapping loudly in her ears, making comments about how she should "cover up," and even going as far as lightly touching her arm and shoulder to get her attention. One even grabbed her hips. She was visibly uncomfortable but seemed too shocked or scared to say anything. I watched this go on for about a minute, expecting them to stop on their own, but they didn’t. It was getting worse, and I felt awful for not stepping in sooner. Finally, I snapped and told them to “fucking stop harassing her.” I didn’t yell, but I was firm and clear. They immediately looked shocked and embarrassed, and thankfully, they did stop. Later, one of the other chaperones pulled me aside and told me I shouldn’t have used that language in front of the kids, saying it was inappropriate and not setting a good example. He said I should have found a gentler way to correct them and that I overreacted. He also reminded me that using swear words is sinful. I don’t usually use language like that, especially around kids, but in the moment, I was more concerned with getting them to stop harassing this woman. Now I’m second-guessing myself. Maybe I could’ve handled it better, but I also feel like what they were doing was way out of line and needed to be shut down immediately. AITA for cussing at them? submitted by /u/Boss8001ThrowRA to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/fullmxnty to r/britishproblems [link] [comments]