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A short guide to the Bundesliga for the uninitiated (part 3)
Part 1. Part 2. I would like to open this final part with the words of my compadre Jean-Paul Sartre. “Life begins on the other side of despair,” he said. Relegation, the primeval force of terror among all of football, relentlessly looms over these following clubs. But as Sartre implied, could this sense of dread not be the start of a greater push for success? Even suffering relegation might not be as terrible a fate as it is often portrayed. All good things must eventually come to an end, yet that does not mean what follows must necessarily be worse. It offers the chance to reimagine oneself. “New year, new me” taken to the extreme. It might very well spell financial ruin and the slow descent into the depths of the lower leagues, where only despair awaits them. What a cheerful topic! Without further ado, let’s dive straight in. Hertha BSC Short Summary You believe the best part about football is the soap-opera drama surrounding it. Current kit. Mascot. Playing Style A mystery. Overview After four years of dreadful anti-football under Pál Dárdai, Berlin wanted a new, fresh image. All of Germany rejoiced! Pretty football for the not so pretty German capital, how wonderful. For that endeavour, they promoted U19 manager Ante Čović and found a sugar daddy in Lars Windhorst to pump cash up their butts til Kingdom Come. Now they had the money to finally license a new stadium anthem. For whatever reason, being a rich guy’s plaything didn’t do them any favour in their general popularity. Nevertheless, people were cautiously optimistic they’d see another ambitious team playing attractive football. Can never have enough of those, right? A draw against Bayern in the opening match of the season was hailed as a success. Hooray, the project was fully underway on its path to glory! What followed were three losses, so now the project was clearly on its death throes. But then, miraculously, they won their next three fixtures against the Bundesliga juggernauts Paderborn, Köln, and Düsseldorf! A modern football fairytale, the Small Village ClubTM Hertha Berlin triumphing against nigh insurmountable odds. Aaaand then they went on a bad spell again. Enough was enough for Berlin’s top dogs, who fired Čović and did the only sensible thing: hire Jürgen fucking Klinsmann. Now, to be fair, during his last time as a manager in the Bundesliga he may not have won a title with Bayern. But isn’t that a remarkable achievement in its own right? Failing where success is set in stone? He defied expectations, subverted them as only Rhian Johnson can. Though in all honesty, it’s not uncommon for Bayern fans to credit him with rebuilding the club internally, modernising it in key aspects like youth development. Bayern almost certainly wouldn’t be where they are today and have been in recent years if it weren’t for Klinsmann. Back to the present. Klinsmann wanted to transform Berlin into the Big City ClubTM Hertha Berlin. His tenure started well enough, but the team still wasn’t living up to the expectations. To the utter shock and disbelief of everyone, Klinsmann seemed to not be up to the task of coaching a (ambitious) Bundesliga club. California Sunshine was determined to see it through, however, because California Sunshine ain’t no quitter. That is, until 11 February, when he did what any well-adjusted football manager would do and went on Facebook to announce he would step down as Berlin’s manager without previously consulting with anyone in the club beside sugar daddy extraordinaire Lars Windhorst. Although he intended to remain on the supervisory board, he was summarily told to sod off. His time at the striving Big City ClubTM Hertha Berlin was short, but oh so sweet. Klinsmann’s assistant, Alexander Nouri, took up the mantle of interim manager until the league’s temporary suspension. Out of the four matches he was at the helm, Berlin won once, drew twice, and lost once. Nouri is a friendly, intelligent, and thoughtful person, but his record at his last managerial appointment (Ingolstadt) was zero wins, three draws and five losses, so it shouldn’t have come as a shocking surprise. For the third time of the season, Berlin didn’t have the right manager. So during the involuntary pandemic pause, management came together and signed the actual right man for the job: Bruno Labbadia. A mainstay of German football, he’s the one to call when your club is underperforming and in need of a pick-me-up. While Labbadia doesn’t have the best reputation, he is a capable manager who can transform clubs for the better. Whether he can do so in Berlin remains to be seen. Fun fact: It bears repeating that Berlin spent about 76 million € in the winter transfer period, more than any other club in Europe. They are currently 13th in the league and were defeated by Schalke in the DFB-Pokal. Another fun fact, hot off the presses: Jürgen Klinsmann’s departure left a void in the supervisory board, and who better to fill that gap than Jens Lehmann. I’ll just let my good friend Sartre’s musician persona do the talking Who to watch? Picking a good player out of a group of underperformers is like choosing a spot to be kicked at 一 some are much worse than others, but it’s gonna be bad nonetheless. Maximilian Mittelstädt, Arne Maier, or Javairo Dilrosun have all been much better before and are absolutely huge talents, but aren’t really noteworthy as of right now, sadly. Winter arrival Matheus Cunha has been a ray of hope among the darkness of fighting against the spectre of relegation, despite his Brazilian theatrics. FC Augsburg Short Summary You like listening to regular reminders that Augsburg is famous for puppetry. Current kit. Apparently, Augsburg doesn’t have a proper mascot and have relied on puppets from the Augsburger Puppenkiste in recent seasons. If I’m not mistaken, this season it’s this guy. Playing Style Run of the mill Bundesliga football. Somewhat competent in pressing, will sometimes show nice passing to move the ball forward. Overview There’s not a whole lot to Augsburg, is there? Avoiding relegation season after season, they have become something of a regular Bundesliga midtable team, albeit usually in the lower region. They managed a draw against Bayern, I suppose. Other than that, their season has been about as exciting as mayonnaise is spicy. At least that’s what I initially thought before inspecting their results further. Using modern technology, mathematical analysis has shown that only two of their league matches had a total goal tally of one or less, a 0-0 draw against Wolfsburg and a 1-0 win against Paderborn. In the rest, an average of 3,78 goals were scored. Among them was a spectacular, thrilling 3-5 loss against Dortmund, a match that was Augsburg’s to take after leading 3-1, until Erling Haaland entered the Bundesliga in style. They also brought all of us great joy by being eliminated in the first round of the DFB-Pokal by fourth division side SC Verl, in a surprising 1-2 loss. Good times, good times. Losing all but two matches in 2020 resulted in Augsburg’s upper echelon pulling the plug and firing manager Martin Schmidt during the ongoing pandemic pause. His replacement will be Heiko Herrlich, and if his rough tenure at Leverkusen is anything to go by, you should prepare for more roughness. Who to watch? Ruben Vargas is a competent winger who will sooner than later play for a bigger club. 1. FSV Mainz 05 Short Summary Another carnival club. So when you like that and also want everyone to speak an inscrutable dialect, choose Mainz. Current kit. No. Playing Style Pretty bad this season. Another bog-standard Bundesliga side. Pressing, check. Fluent attacking every now and then, check. You get the idea. Overview Poor Mainz. They have a decent squad with lots of talented players, as shown when they beat Hoffenheim 5-1 or in their other victories. But rarely have I seen a team occasionally collapse as badly as they do since Hamburg was relegated. In just the third league match, they were battered 1-6 by Bayern. Too bad that about two months later, Leipzig took up that challenge and completely, utterly destroyed them in a 0-8 dismantling. Consequently, manager Sandro Schwarz was released in November and succeeded by Achim Beierlorzer, who you might remember was let go by Köln not that much earlier. He didn’t do terribly, especially given his tenure at Köln, but Mainz is still in deep trouble, being just four points clear of the relegation zone. Fun fact: Mainz also dropped out of the DFB-Pokal in the first round, losing to Kaiserslautern. Not as funny as Augsburg’s mishap, but a good effort nonetheless. Who to watch? Moussa Niakhaté is a good centre-back, and Robin Quaison has scored twelve goals this season, showing he’s got what it takes to succeed in the Bundesliga. Fortuna Düsseldorf Short Summary You want to stan an American keeper, or you like the thrill of fighting an uphill battle. Current kit. Düsseldorf doesn’t have a mascot, but this was the second result when I searched for it anyway. Playing Style Much improved under their new manager. Surprisingly energetic and lively football for a team in 16th, with lapses in defense costing them crucial points. Overview You know you’re in a bad spot when you’re 16th in the league and no one is too surprised by it. Bar some exceptions 一 Erik Thommy, Zackary Steffen, Kaan Ayhan or Kevin Stöger come to mind 一, their squad simply isn’t good enough to stay in the league by virtue of individual quality alone. No remarkable results to speak of outside of a 3-3 draw against Schalke, the only thing worth mentioning is that they released Bundesliga legend Friedhelm Funkel and hired Uwe Rösler, who you might know from his years in the Premier League. Until that point, Düsseldorf wasn’t even comically bad, they were just a sad bunch of underperformers. Under Rösler, Düsseldorf has a league record 1-4-1, a respectable tally for a side under this much pressure. They have a long way to go if they want to leave the relegation zone for good, but so far they have come across as revitalised, showing that playing to the strength of your players elevates a team above the quality of the individuals. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts, and so on. As /u/SamCooper07 pointed out to me, Düsseldorf has a special connection to Ipswich Town, about which you can read here. Fun fact: they reached the quarter-finals in the DFB-Pokal and were booted out by Saarbrücken. Who to watch? Keeper Zackary Steffen, on loan from Manchester City, is a good one and proved he’s too good to rot on the bench, although he’s currently injured. If you’re more of a connoisseur, an appreciator of the fine arts, then Kevin Stöger is right up your alley. He’s a midfield metronome, playing precise passes, being a creative driving force. Seriously, he’s really, really good, and we will no doubt be seeing him at an international club soon. Werder Bremen Short Summary This is the end Beautiful friend This is the end My only friend, the end Of our elaborate plans, the end Of everything that stands, the end No safety or surprise, the end I'll never look into your eyes again Current kit. Mascot. Playing Style Sorrow, despair, mixed with a hint of longing for the warm embrace of Max Kruse, all set to their new anthem. Overview Bremen have crashed spectacularly this season. Conceding the most goals in the league while being joint last in the scoring department, it’s easy to see why they are in the second-to-last place. As is so often the case, statistics alone don’t provide a complete picture of the situation. At times, Bremen play well. No really, they do! Not amazingly well, admittedly, but certainly better than their standing implies. However, they only play well until they concede or face too much pressure. Suddenly, all of the intelligent pressing ceases, defenders start to resemble headless chickens, and scoring goals seems like a distant dream, lost among the sands of time. In a distant place among a sea of dandelions, sunshine glistens in a solitary tear shed by Thomas Schaaf whenever Bremen play another match. Manager Florian Kohfeldt was seen as the next big thing in German football. A tactician as well as a motivator, he was at times rumoured to replace Lucien Favre in Dortmund. While his Bremen side, despite their struggles, defeated Dortmund in the Pokal, that was merely a temporary band-aid for their woes in the league. Already trailing Düsseldorf by four points, the prospect of them clawing their way out of the relegation zone appears far fetched, a pipe dream. Under normal circumstances they would have the quality to achieve that feat, no doubts about that, but under these supposed normal circumstances they wouldn’t be in that dire situation in the first place. What is there left to say but reminisce about football’s fickle nature? Sometimes, without rhyme or reason, clubs wake up on the wrong foot one day and step in manure over and over, until they don’t reach greener pastures where all that crap accumulated around their feet is the perfect fertiliser. Fun fact sponsored by /u/promocodeclq: the last time Bremen managed to snag a point from Bayern was a 0-0 draw in 2010. Their last win against the Bavarians was a 5-2 in 2008. How times change, eh? Who to watch? Last season’s darling Maximilian Eggestein hasn’t been able to keep up his good form. So the choice is Milot Rashica, a lively, quick winger who can also play as a striker. SC Paderborn 07 Short Summary Paderborn is your team when you value staying true to yourself and your values, even to a fault. Current kit. Why does it have whiskers? Playing Style Quick passing, direct counters, aggressive pressing. At least that’s what they’re trying and mostly failing to do. Overview Their promotion took many by surprise. With the style mentioned above, they rose through the ranks and achieved the impossible. After nearly being relegated to the fourth division following their brief stint in the top flight of German football, they fought their way back and have gloriously returned. I, among others, highly respect manager Steffen Baumgart for not changing too much about his team’s approach now that they’re back. The only problem is that they’re not in the second league anymore. The players, collectively, aren’t good enough to play that kind of football against first league clubs. Commendable, surely, but ultimately they are dying a beautiful death. Obviously they still got a 3-3 draw against Dortmund, because of course they did, and it shouldn’t go unmentioned that they had Bayern on the ropes in a close 2-3 defeat. They would need to gain six points just to draw level with Düsseldorf as they currently stand. In the name of suspense, the match they’ll play this weekend will be against, you guessed it, Düsseldorf. A decisive match that could either reignite a last flame of hope or fully and utterly extinguish it. Their other fixtures are a mixed bag, facing off against Gladbach, Leipzig and Dortmund on the one hand, while also having to play against Bremen and Augsburg. A lot could happen in the remainder of the season, but anything other than direct relegation would prove to be a monumental feat. Who to watch? Just like Union Berlin, Paderborn doesn’t have one player overshadowing the rest. Instead, be assured that you’ll be seeing several of them at other Bundesliga sides (or elsewhere in Europe) next season, regardless of Paderborn’s ultimate fate. Luca Kilian, Klaus Gjasula, Abdelhamid Sabiri, Sebastian Vasiliadis, and Streli Mamba are all quite good and could thrive in the right team. And that’s it. Again, if you have any further questions regarding the teams, specificities of the league or the Pokal, or anything else, feel free to ask. You can also find me on Twitter, where I post stuff about the Bundesliga every now and then, as well as other football stuff and whatever comes to mind. Thank you for reading, commenting and discussing. Until next time. submitted by /u/Snurdle to r/soccer [link] [comments]
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Snurdle |
May 13, 2020 |