Funny Birthday Cards For Women

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... are looking for funny birthday greetings cards for men, dad birthday cards or 77th birthday card for women then then... this happy birthday card is bound... the world's forests - rude birthday cards for women, funny birthday cards for her, Grandpa 77th birthday cards, funny male birthday cards. Customer Reviews

... in helmets and masks. Women with smiles that had not... war and myth. The women who raised her had lived.... She met men and women who could alter the course ...when he spoke again. "Funny, isn't it? You can forget ... comforting at my next birthday." She gave him a sidelong .... They had been themselves. Irritating, funny, vain, loyal, hungry, frightened, brave... cases and the printed cards trying their best to pin ...

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OK so the time is almost here. Lots of stuff has happened. My dance card has been full of volunteer work, my work project, and dating. I've been on second and third dates with several women because I figured just one date isn't enough to figure it out with a potential partner. I went to a barbeque this weekend that my lawyer's firm was holding for clients. Lisa and I went together (nothing going on there, relax). I met someone! She is a junior associate(?). I don't know the ranking. She's a full blown lawyer but she's the lowest on the lawyer firm totem pole. Anyway, she is from Singapore originally. She came over to the USA to go to college and just ended up staying. She's racially Chinese but culturally Singaporean. Remember that movie "Crazy Rich Asians"? Filmed in Singapore. Anyway, she's a Corporate/Transactional lawyer which I have no fucking idea what she does, but it sounds expensive. My lawyer was my wingman and introduced us. Apparently she wanted to meet me because this time last year she saw me storming out of the law office after Emily's "sexy confession" while she was getting coffee in the breakroom. Apparently my abrupt exit caused quite a stir in the office. So yeah I'm famous apparently. Or infamous. She's funny and smart and petite and cute and all of the things. She's the one who aske me out in her posh British accent and that was kind of a new thing for me so I was kind of stunned and said OK. Anyway we have a date to go hiking next weekend. People, she used the word "Shan't" in a sentence, as in "I shan't tell you, you must take me out on a date first". So yeah, I'm low key smitten. I have a week to cool down and play it cool, though, so wish me luck. I'm going to call her Angie. She has an English name and a Chinese name. Her Chinese name is Rui Zhen, which sounds like "Raisin" so I called her "raisin" which she thought was funny. She has an "English" name. I'm calling her Angie but her English name is diffent. Apparently John is settling out of court. From what Lisa told me, a good friend of his from college who is a lawyer (but not a family law attorney) basically sat him down and told him that he could either lose or lose big time. John, who has fought his own attorney(s) at every turn, finally got it and is settling rather than having his day in court. I suppose that's good news for Lisa but I really wanted to see him bent over the witness stand and have a gavel shoved up his ass so it's kind of anti climatic for me personally. The other big news is that the mediator for the meeting for Emily and I contacted me and hoo boy! Emily got her pastor from her church to be the mediator. In order to try to explain the magnitude of this, I have to again try to explain how it is here in the American south. This guy is a pastor of a pretty big church in my city. Like they have 3 morning services on Sunday, one evening service, and a Wednesday service. The church he preaches in is basically a small stadium. The guy's sermons are on youtube and are broadcast on Christian radio stations. So he's pretty big. I don't know how the hell Emily got him to be the mediator. It's basically like getting a famous celebrity to host your birthday party. I'll refer to him as Pastor J. Anyway I got a phone call and the person on the other line asked me if I was me and then told me hold please and then Pastor J got on the line. He was really friendly and easy going. He told me that Emily has been going to his church for over a year and she told him her story (IDK what she told him) and asked him to be her mediator. I asked why he would take time out of his busy schedule to do that and he told me that our story was similar to what he went through. According to him, when he was a young pastor starting out he was constantly doing junior pastor things like visiting sick people, counseling families, and studying for his Master's. Because he was so busy his relationship with his wife suffered. His wife ended up cheating on him with a married wealthy member of the congregation he was interning at and they almost ended up divorcing. However, she showed remorse and he forgave her and Jesus and The Bible and all of that shit. I told him that I'm not planning on reconciling with Emily and he was pretty receptive to that and mentioned that forgiving and reconciling are two different things. He gave me his personal cell phone number, which is the one that bypasses his personal assistants. That's kind of a big thing down here in the South. It's kind of like getting Bill Gates' personal phone number. I asked him how we're going to handle this from a legal standpoint and he said that I could get a contract or indemnification or some other legal document from my lawyer and we would all sign it. His assistant would then notarize it because he's a notary public. He told me that at the meeting, his wife would be sitting outside, available for any questions or anything else I needed if I wanted her perspective on things. He assured me that he wouldn't pressure me to get back together with Emily because he's been there himself and he knows that even if he pressured me, and I caved, that the result wouldn't be a "real marriage" but a hostage situation. I asked him if he really trusted his wife now and he admitted that at first it was a constant struggle but now their communication is off the charts and that the relationship is more intimate than ever. However, he did admit that he has a difficult moments trusting her and living with it even 20 years later. However, he said that it was overall a great relationship and he doesn't feel that he missed out on anything. Yeah....right. We ended up making an appointment for June 3rd so I went to my HR and took that day off as well as the day after. I'm kind of experiencing a PTSD type thing because of what happened at this time last year. I think I went a little crazy at the time. I look at my posts from back then and I shudder. Anyway, here are the questions I'm planning on asking Emily. "Are you okay?" I got this from you guys and from another redditor who used it in his conversation with his cheating wife. I ran it by my therapist and she said it disarms her expectations, which is good if I want honest answers. About the affair itself: When did you stop loving me? (Or did you ever stop?) Did you enjoy it? (I need to know if she was suffering or having the time of her life.) Why didn't you just tell me? What were you hoping would happen? What was the pregnancy plan really about? (This one still haunts me. She stopped birth control hoping to get pregnant with my baby to use as a "human shield" against John.) About John: Do you still think about him? Do you blame him? Did you love him? About coercion and control: My therapist spent a lot of time on this category. She said it was important to understand whether Emily was operating with full agency or whether there were elements of coercive control involved. Not to excuse what happened, but to understand it. Did John ever threaten you? Explicitly or implicitly? Did you feel like you could say no? If not, why not? Did he ever use the business relationship as leverage? Were there times you wanted to end it but felt like you couldn't? What stopped you? Looking back, do you feel like you were manipulated? Groomed? Trapped? My therapist also prepped me on follow-ups depending on her answers: If she says she felt trapped: "What would have happened if you'd said no? What were you afraid of?" If she says she had full agency: "Then why did you keep going back?" If she says she's not sure: "What does your therapist say about it?" The point isn't to find an excuse for what she did. It's to understand the full picture. My therapist says betrayal trauma is complicated because sometimes the cheating partner is a pure shithead, sometimes they're also a victim of manipulation, sometimes it's a messy combination of both. Understanding which one Emily is (or was) might help me process what happened. Or it might not. But I have to ask. About us: What do you want from me? Do you expect forgiveness? What does "closure" mean to you? Do you think we could ever be okay? Not together but just okay? About the future: What are you doing to make sure this never happens again? Do you think you'll be happy? Miscellaneous: Also, you owe me ten grand. (I'm absolutely bringing up the IRS thing. She needs to know her "bookkeeping errors" became my problem.) The wildcard: I'm also going to try to use some humor at some point because that's how I cope and if I don't release some pressure I might actually explode. I haven't scripted it. It'll just happen when it happens. Probably something inappropriate. My therapist says humor can be a healthy release valve as long as I'm not using it to avoid the hard stuff entirely. I told her I make no promises. June 3rd 10AM is the meeting. I'm getting that day off and the day afterwards just in case. As far as Beans the cat goes, I think she senses what's going on. I may be projecting though. I've been on edge with a kind of PTSD thing going on because of what happened this time last year. She's been sitting closer and even sleeping beside my head when I go to bed. She's been knocking my phone off of the night stand in her continuing gravity experiments. Anyway that's the update. I will post an update after the meeting. I may need some recovery time, though. submitted by /u/Any-Assault to u/Any-Assault [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Common_Doughnut6462 Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes Previous BoRU [New Update]: I’m tired of my bf of 4 years ex being a ghost in our relationship. NEW UPDATES MARKED WITH ---- Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability Trigger Warnings: possible grooming, sexual predator behavior ---- RECAP Original Post: July 10, 2025 I’m tired of my bf of 4 years ex being a ghost in our relationship. I don’t have many girlfriends to vent about this to so why not reddit? I want to try to get as many details as I can and try to keep things in order but I apologize if it’s all over the place. I’m just fuming right now about this situation. I have been with my (29F) bf (32M) for 4 years. He dated this one woman (who is 10 years older than him) for 6 years, about 3 or 4 years before we met/dated. My bf’s name is Aaron, and he has an older brother, Nate. Nate recently got married to Cassie. Cassie and my bf’s ex, Cate, have been long time best friends. Nate and Cassie met through Cate while my bf and her were together. Cate has a daughter (NOT my bf’s biological kid). For a few years though, Aaron and Cate lived together so he obviously had a good relationship with her daughter. I posted a story a few months ago about running into her daughter while our families were celebrating Mother’s day and how uncomfortable that was because my bf’s mother refused to really say who she was to my mom. My mom was just curious and kept pushing who she was and I knew immediately. Very weird situation. Cate is constantly brought up in random situations. I’ve learned to just deal with it. I can’t help that my bf and her dated for some time and she still has a friendship with Cassie. It’s annoying, but it is what it is. In the 4 years I have surprisingly been able to avoid running into her. Even though she’s a yoga instructor at my gym, and Cassie constantly tries to get us to go to her end of the summer party but my family does a vacation every year around that time. So I’ve just never gone. This has caused Cassie to get pretty upset with me, but idc. Cassie is now pregnant and due in August. Her baby shower is this coming Sunday. Every single woman in my bf’s family, including his mother, has made a comment “understanding if I didn’t show up” because they know Cate will be there. Just a couple days ago, Aaron’s cousin made a comment to Aaron saying “The baby shower is coming up.. Is Dani going? .. Won’t that be weird?” Then proceeded to say how she likes me better and that Cate is all about herself. I am so tired of her being compared to me. I’m so tired of her having a relationship with everyone in his life. I’m tired of everyone in the family making it “weird”. He has a past, who cares? She’s around... okay? Aaron and I have been together FOUR YEARS. They have been broken up SIX OR SEVEN YEARS. It’s so frustrating. On top of all of this, part of me truly believes that Cassie has been dying to get Cate and I in the same room. I think she wants the interaction to happen. Cassie and I have had not the best relationship. She tried warning me about Aaron. She told Aaron after meeting me once that she didn’t like me. I don’t know what to do here. Why am I made to feel like the outsider? I bet no one is saying how weird it will be for HER. What do I do here? How do I handle this when none of these comments are made to me. My bf obviously tells them that there is no reason for it to be weird and that I’m fine with it, but how do I make this stop? I’m sorry if this felt all over the place with info/details but I’m just so so tired of dealing with this. Relevant Comments OOP clarifies on why she is sending mixed messages to people around her and she is avoiding being around Cate OOP: So I think you have me a bit wrong. I never actively went out of my way to avoid her. I wanted the interaction to happen from the beginning. I find if a guy, let’s say, has female friends - I would rather meet them asap so it makes me real. Then I can see if they put boundaries in place. With this situation, I wanted his family feeling comfortable to have her and I in the same place. I’m not asking his family to end a relationship/friendship. I simply just don’t care to know. The end of the summer party just always ended up being when I had a yearly family trip where Aaron came with me. He would tell me it didn’t matter to him if he went or not but I was going to make an effort this year since Cassie clearly has an issue. It just happened to work out that our paths just never crossed in the 4 years. I don’t miss out on events or anything because I think she will be there. I’m so very comfortable and confident in my relationship and we have talked about rings etc. I just simply want this narrative his family has to stop. It gives her power in our lives and I just don’t care about her being brought up. Commenter 1: Wait, hold up, am I mathing the timeline right? Did Cate start dating your boyfriend when he was 18-19 and she was a full decade older???? And the family is totally cool with this woman continuing to be entrenched in their lives, and is constantly comparing you to her?????? Her attendance at family functions is more important than yours???? Cate is a total creep. What the hell. I don't even think this would be a question if the genders were flipped...... It wasn't very clear to me how your BF feels about the situation, this seems to be mostly just a problem with his family. Have you guys had a serious conversation about Cate? Hopefully, you guys are on the same page on this. If you guys can present a united front of, hey, please stop expecting us to associate with Cate, stop comparing OP to Cate, this is super weird and uncomfortable.....I think that will be more successful than you alone, where you can get painted as the jealous/insecure woman. And if your BF doesn't have your back and God forbid isn't actually over Cate or something, well, then you know to stop wasting your time and get the hell out of there. OOP: THIS. thank you!!!! I call her Mrs. Robinson. I believe he was 20-21 so my math could be not mathing but I know he had a year long relationship with someone else between her and I. I think it’s so gross for a 30-31 y/o to go for a younger guy. Esp a 20/21 y/o boy. Also a woman with a young daughter. My bf ended the relationship bc he couldn’t see marrying her and he wants a family. Everyone in his family talks highly of her though. So I think she’s a very bubbly/charismatic person. I just think if my kid did that.. I’d have an issue. Being 29 now.. young guys repulse me. I think they don’t speak about it out of respect for my bf. They don’t talk about their feelings much. My bf hardly tells his family what is going on in his life. He has always been like that. Aaron (OOP's boyfriend) needs to set boundaries on Cate attending the family events and making a scene toward OOP in front of Aaron's family. OOP should able to attend the baby shower OOP: It’s funny you say that because somehow, either through Cassie or maybe dinners at Cassie and Nate’s house that Aaron and I don’t get invited to, Aaron’s mom knew about his ex’s daughter getting into a specific college. My mind raced about that one and how that conversation happened or if his parents still spend time with her in some sort of secret. I want to draw a line in only one way. I just don’t want his family comparing or drawing conclusions on how they THINK I will react. When for a long time I did just want to meet her to get it out of the way. + I definitely intend to go. It proves the family right if I don’t, imo. They will all think I didn’t show because of her and I refuse to allow anyone to have anything more to talk about with the situation. My bf doesn’t let it bother him. He doesn’t entertain any conversation about her. But he doesn’t like conflict. I mean he shut down his cousins convo quickly about it when I wasn’t there. If I were there, or these comments were made to me I would react differently. I was thinking about going with my bf’s mom. Maybe even discussing the topic with her in private beforehand too. Just mentioning I don’t like the topic of her and how it made me uncomfortable knowing she knew about her daughter’s college acceptance. That it made me feel as though there is some secret relationship they have with her. My bf has told me things I can do that might get under her skin a bit if I want to go that route. lol   Update #1: July 14, 2025 (four days later) Update: I’m tired of my bf of 4 years ex being a ghost in our relationship. Hi THT fam, I was asked to give an update after my original post that I posted a few days ago regarding my (29F) bf (32M) ex being a ghost in our relationship. Thank you to everyone who gave their advice. I appreciated it all. So the baby shower was yesterday and I thought about posting but I was so frustrated yesterday I didn’t want it to be a rage post. There was no crazy petty confrontation or drama. There actually isn’t anything huge to really report but I have officially met Cate. It was Cassie’s baby shower and her sister had actually ended up going into labor yesterday morning so everyone was more concerned with that than anything else. I showed up about a half hour early to help my bf’s mom incase she needed it. It was just my bf’s mom and Cate there when I showed up. Also her current bf. She immediately introduced herself and I started helping anyway I could. She was very kind. As people started showing up though she made a comment saying “oh I should introduce myself” to everyone who showed up. My bf’s aunt showed up and they hugged and chatted a bit, along with Aaron’s cousin. It felt so strange to watch them all interact. She still very much has a good relationship with them all. I didn’t let that get to me. We had a couple more interactions where she complimented my outfit and made small talk about the food but I didn’t let the conversation go on long. I stayed at a table with all of my bf’s family. (His mom, his mom’s friends, his aunt, cousin etc.) I felt her eyes on me most of the day. Her daughter was there, too. For some reason it stuck out to me again that my bf’s mom was talking to her friend about Cate and her daughter and the colleges she got into. But all of his mom’s friends were mostly chatting to me about the house my bf and I are building. One of them had even said “wow the __(last name)_ boys really know how to pick beautiful women”. It was just something nice to hear in that really odd situation. However I guess she would be included in that in some capacity. I got home and my bf had asked me how it went because his mom mentioned her and I chatting. I crashed out on him. For some reason it just hit me that this woman is not going anywhere and I have absolutely no control of that. If we have kids down the road, one day she will most likely meet them and for some reason that bothers me. The family views her in a positive light, when she was about 30/31 and dated my bf at 20/21. I know some people struggled with that math in my original post. But they had to have broken up when he was 26. He dated someone between the two of us and then I met him when he was 28 turning 29. Her current bf is 8 years younger, too. I know it’s kinda irrelevant but I’m so annoyed at this situation. I’ll be seeing her again before the end of summer at Cassie’s party. I’m going once and never going again, lol. I think I’m allowed to not want to be around her. My bf feels the same. We both know we can’t do anything about the rest of the family having a relationship with her but from here on out we don’t want to hear about her or have contact. I know quite a bit about my bf and Cates relationship. I think she corrupted him in so many ways. I want so badly to tell his mother all the things I know so she understands exactly what kind of person she is. But at the end of the day, she got the boy and I got the man. Relevant Comments How did Cate corrupt Aaron during their relationship? OOP: Without going into too much detail, let’s just say they had a type of open relationship. Commenter 1: Honestly it feels like Cassie wants cate to be her SIL instead of you. This isn’t over but it’s still weird af OOP: “this isn’t over” ugh that’s what i’m afraid of. Cassie and her sister got pregnant like the same week. They live on the same street and are both besties with Cate. They’d love if my bf and Cate got back together and they could all be SILs. Cassie and Nate use to be the only two who would come over for family dinners and now her sister comes every time. Which I guess in a way my bfs parents are still family but when they come all they do is talk about being pregnant and I’m just kinda excluded. It’s such a complicated and odd dynamic. It just feels like Cassie wants to push me out. Commenter 2: You guys don’t have to go to where she is going to be. Let everyone know, it’s you two or her. OOP: The last thing I want to do is say that. Cassie and Cate have had a 20 to 30 year long friendship. They grew up together. It’s just not an option I’m ok with giving them. What I am ok with is saying I don’t want to hear about her, and neither does my bf. How does OOP's boyfriend feel about the situation with Cate and Cassie? OOP: So my bf is new to the whole ‘setting boundaries’ thing lol. He is slowly getting better and I’m proud of him for that. He had friends who would walk all over him and he finally was stern with them and created those clear boundaries. His cousin is the worst when it comes to talking about her. I told him next time he needs to say, “why do you think I care about hearing about her?” or something along those lines. He says he normally just gives her a one word reply or just tries to walk away from the conversation, which he believes is easier because of the kind of person she is. But I told him clearly that isn’t clear to her, and to say something very clear and direct next time. He also made it very clear that he doesn’t want to go to the party that he knows she will be at. His decision, not mine. I was fine with that, and his family will have to understand. I did also have a conversation with him just saying that it’s clear that Cassie and I just will never have that close relationship I was hoping we’d have, and I have to accept that. Family is important to me, however, so I will keep putting in the effort that family should but I just don’t expect the same in return. If I or my bf gave that boundary to her I feel it might cause a greater divide. I would be fine with him going to his mom, but I would worry about his brother or SIL maybe taking it wrong or just not inviting us at all. Which they have already kind of done with even small family get-togethers.   ----NEW UPDATES---- Editor’s note: the next two updates are over six months old, and they have not been posted onto the sub here. Noting the different title, but it’s tangentially related to the older posts I think I might be getting engaged this weekend: July 15, 2025 (next day from the previous update) There might be a better subreddit to post this to but idk! I don’t have girlfriends to talk to about this so I’m just going to post about it. My bf and I went on vacation a couple weeks ago and he already told me he asked my dad if he could ask me. Last Friday was my birthday and i really thought he’d do it then but he didn’t. He didn’t get me a birthday gift either. No card. No flowers. Which is not normal for him. Today he told me, after i vent about work, to get a mani/pedi tomorrow. I said “no, it’s Wednesday. I’ll go this weekend.” But he was insistent that i go tomorrow. He also said “i made sure we got a bunch of work done on the house last weekend, so we had a nice chill weekend together” He’s acting very odd. I feel like it’s going to happen soon. I’m so excited! I don’t want to ruin it but I’m like giddy about it! What do you think? Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: The thing that sealed the deal for me is him insisting on you getting a manicure! Congrats!! Be sure you share a pic of your ring!! Commenter 2: I think you might be right! Don’t put too much pressure on it but also definitely get nails you’d want to take lotsss of pictures of 🥰🥰. Commenter 3: Based off your post history - I don’t think now is the right time. You and your boyfriend need to sit with your feelings about the Cate situation longer, and you need to decide if you’re okay with that being the rest of your life before he pops the question. Don’t let him distract you with a sparkly. You will regret it down the line if you don’t come to terms with everything/try to resolve it first. OOP: An ex gf being his SIL’s bff is not a reason to not be with someone. I had never been in a situation like that and so it was new and uncomfortable and I had a lot of feelings about it. But absolutely NONE of those feelings were “i don’t want to be with him.” As time goes on, I will be more comfortable but him and I are on the same page. He’s fine sitting out whatever she’s at, if it’s what I want. I’m going to get comfortable with this uncomfortable situation. I am in no way allowing that situation affect our relationship. Commenter 3: Edited to reflect previous comment was by OP, not another Redditor I don’t disagree with you. But you have, the day before this post, realised that this woman will likely be in your children’s lives and said you don’t want that. I think that that and the other aspects of this woman being involved with the whole family, not just the sister, are important enough that she needs to sit with it and keep working through your feelings before jumping into an engagement literally a week later. There’s also the consideration of optics - his family is already being weird. Are going to be okay if some of them say things like ‘she made him propose after meeting Cate at the baby shower so she could”win”.’ What if his family think he is proposing just to shut you up about this because of the timing? Will he stand up for his love for you? Or will he ignore it? Engagement should be a joyful time and the focus should be celebrating the couple, and at this particular moment there is a lot of risk that the big unresolved feelings will cause drama. It’s something to consider. OOP: yeah I had a crash out moment lol. But he’s been planning something for a while now. He told me he has already asked my dad. I know this situation happened but 1. idc about the optics. idc what his family whispers about together. i’m happy with my bf and would be so excited if he asked. I’m not letting an ex affect how good our relationship is. HE has done nothing wrong. He told me not to go. He wanted to show up with his brother and father with the food so he could support me. But they never asked him. So ultimately, i just don’t think this situation should affect an engagement   My man did so good and i can’t believe I’m engaged: July 20, 2025 Picture of OOP's engagement ring description of the engagement ring Close-up of OOP's left hand held out against a gray, textured pavement background. OOP has medium-brown skin and neatly manicured nails painted a light pink or pale nude color. On OOP's left ring finger is a prominent engagement-style ring featuring a large, round brilliant-cut center diamond set prominently above the band, catching the light and standing out as a focal point. The band is thin and delicate, likely white gold or platinum, and it appears to be adorned with small pavé diamonds along the sides, adding extra sparkle without overpowering the center stone. end of the description   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

This is a little different, since this is not from reddit. Reddit, however, referenced it often in the past, and users asked for longer posts. So, here is a two parter. It also might be fake (like so much), but it is part of internet lore, so if you are into this kinda thing, this is for you. All the links are leaving reddit. I'm also not the original poster. The OOP is referred to as Peena or Peenakolada. Glossary: DUH = Dumb Husband STBEX = Soon to be ex DWIL = Dealing With InLaws (The forum this originated from) DD = Dear Daughter DF = Dumb Fiancé CBF = CatButtFace (pursed lips resembling a butthole) PP = Previous Poster PA = Passive Aggressive Original May 22, 2016 I'm a long time lurker and I've changed my screen name because like an idiot I used my real name. I'm going to get flamed hard for this but I want to validate whether I should suck it up and deal when I get home or get the hell out of dodge now. I'm currently in Playa DeL Carman. A few months ago we planned this vacay and had been saving saving saving so we could go luxe and not have to scrimp. We were originally going with BIL and his wife who I loooove, but they had to cancel because SIL got pregnant and didn't want to travel. All good happy to go with just DF, first time away from DD but she will have a blast with my parents at their lake house with her cousins so all good in the hood. We go to lunch at MILs one Sunday, share our vacation plans and she seems excited for us. I leave because I have an assignment due and need to get it finished, DF hangs back. He gets home and I mention going online later that night to book everyone and he says "no need, it's all done! MIL wanted to come with us, so she decided to give us the holiday as a present so we went ahead so went online and booked it." Anyway I lost my shit. No way was I going away with her, don't get me wrong she is usually fine compared to MILs on here, but I don't want a third wheel. DF and I argue, I'm ungrateful, we need to support MIal who divorced last year and is depressed blah blah blah. I finally cave... Because free holiday. Fast forward, we're here now. I'm. In. HELL. First of all she booked a suite - we are SHARING A SUITE WITH HER. I want to be able to walk around nude. I wanted to be able to sunbath topless in our private pool. I wanted to be able to have sex whenever I damn well wanted. Well no not now. DF knew my head nearly exploded when we checked in and I realised we were all in together. She won't leave us alone! She won't let us sleep in - apparently that's LAZY. Don't call me lazy bitch I get up at 5.00am every day when I'm home. She makes us do all the activities - I don't wanna do yoga or play chess fuck off. She makes us have every meal with her. She won't even let us nap durin the day because "why waste such glorious sunshine." I WANT TO NAP! I'm four days in and I'm done with this bullshit. I told DF I needed some time alone because I was about to punch her so I rang and booked myself in at the spa. She was excited because that meant alone time for her and DF! wtf? Anyway I got back from the spa and said I want to have dinner alone with him tonight and actually enjoy some time together. He told her and she threw a fricken tantrum! Said we were abandoning her! I walked out to the little private pool we have and DF stayed inside to console her. He came out and tried to "reason" with me. I said it was her or me because I didn't come here to baby sit a fricken retiree. He chose her. He went back inside. So now I'm at the bar, this drink in the pic? Yeah that's tequila. The barman gave me this turtle, I've named him Dereck. So Do I go home? It's super late and he has been FB messaging me asking me to come back and talk. I think he is freaking out - but obviously not enough to come and FIND ME given I haven't left the resort. Do I apologise and suck it up? Do I go get my own room? I'm honestly leaning towards my own room but I have to go back and get my stuff to do that. Sorry this feels like a vent. I feel like this was a big cross roads in our relationship and he chose the wrong road. Several comments telling her to get her own room Notable comment: Ughscreennames01 said: Absolutely get a room for you and Derek and enjoy being naked for the remainder of the trip! Think of it as a pre divorce holiday! Make sure you send DUH or STBEXDUH and his new wife a bottle of wine to celebrate their future together! Peena's response: Holy shit that is genius. Is it wrong that I really want to do that? Given its like 1.00am here, I'm thinking I either go get my stuff and haul ass to reception and hope they have free rooms. Or I play nice til morning and then leave altogether. Because I've had toomuch to drink Dereck and I are leani towards playing nice til morning. Notable comment: aprilklazema said: And for what are you keeping the peace? What do you get out of keeping the peace? Peena's response: I got nothing from keeping the peace except frustration and anxiety. They re packing up the bar. Oh god I have Togo back to the room. Wish me luck! Update 1 May 22, 2016 Oooookay, I went back to the room. DF is here, he was awake. MIL was asleep probably basking in the comfort of all the alone time she has shared with her husband-son. I was all ready for a fight and then he kinda blew my mind and not in a good way. He said he was sorry and regretted allowing MIL to come with us. But apparently it took him calling BIL to COMPLAIN about me for him to see the light. Because BIL took MY side and told him if he had invited (yes INVITED oh its all coming out now) MIL on vacation with him and his wife it would have been the end of their marriage, and DF needs to grow up and realise he is a soon-to-be husband first and son second. DF then went onto ask me if I could apologise and just play nice with MIL for the rest of the vacation and he'd never do anything like this again. So I agreed and I know you're all going to think I've gone mad... but it's Because in the morning when they go to their stupid yoga class I'm going to exit stage left. So he is asleep thinking everything is so lovely and I am FUUUMING. He probably thinks I'm catching up on Facebook or something right now. Don't care. I'm going to go stay somewhere else, because this is the only time I'll have off before the holidays and I'll be damned if I'm going to spend it sitting home waiting for him to show up. To answer some Q's. Yes, we live together. It is my home, I purchased it before we got together. I am financially independent of him, we weren't planning on merging finances until after the wedding. He does live with me but his name is on nothing, he contributes cash every month for expenses. He lived with his mother until we got together. He placates her and pretty much gives her what she wants. She in return gives him money and crazy expensive gifts (like a BMW for his 21st) I naively thought once we were married this bullshit would stop. DD is not his, she is from a previous relationship. My ex boyfriend (DD's father) passed away when she was a few months old. My parents supported my in raising her until I graduated college, and now I'm in Sales and studying a business degree online. Thankfully my job pays super well and I'm very good at it and I allllways have a rainy day nest egg to rely on so no stress there. As for the money I saved for this? Yup, I still have all $9,000 of it and I plan on spending a chunk of it on myself RIGHT NOW! I'm about to go onto Expedia and see what resorts take my fancy, hopefully I can book online or I'll just cross fingers and hope they have a vacancy when I arrive. In the morning I'm going to say I'm too hungover to leave the room and try and get them to leave. When they do I'm going to pack like a maniac, get to the concierge and get them to get me a car to the new resort. Dereck and I are looking forward to extended periods of nudity. Peena Comment: He has property and stocks, I mean a grown man living with mom has nothing better to spend it on. I'm not interested in any of it. As for hooking up with a marine... Well I am most definitely a sucker for a man in uniform I can't sleep... I want to start packing now, BUT I have decided to go to one of the resorts I was originally considering. It's a fair distance from here but at least I know I won't be tracked down. I also messaged my BFF and my sister (who to be fair predicted this would end in disaster) and they're seeing if they can get off work to come join me for a few days. How good does this look? Picture of a pool Peena Comment (after somebody pointed out he wants HER to apologise to MIL): He always puts her feelings first. She gets offended easily and can be quite PA. On Mothers Day DD wanted to cook a big breakfast for me with DF, and he said no because he had to go to cook his mom breakfast. He said we could all celebrate together so like an idiot I agreed and we all went to FMILs. DD was quite upset and quiet, on the way home I asked her what was wrong and she said she was told that the event at MILs would be for everyone but it wasn't, it was (in her words) "all about MIL" when it should have been for me too. Broke my heart, and DF said "that is because MIL is old and doesn't live with her children anymore so that makes MD all the more special for her, and because DD lives with me everyday is like MD for me." And I just sat there and said nothing. Update 2 May 22, 2016 I'm going to leave a note. I have to. I know silence and just disappearing would be the ultimate fuck you but it could also spark an international woman hunt if they report me missing. I'm going to write "We planned this vacation for months, for you and me to spend quality time together. Relaxing, enjoying each other's company, sleeping in, good food and cocktails, making love and seeing the sites. Instead, you chose to invite your mother who labelled us lazy, wanted us up at the butt crack of dawn, demanded we sign up for every bullshit activity in the place, would not let us spend a second alone, rejoiced when she got spend time alone with you BUT when I asked for ONE MEAL alone with you she threw a tantrum. And you chose HER. While I cried alone in a bar you stayed with her. You're not ready to be a husband and father. I hope you and your mother have a very happy life together." Peena Comment (at 7 AM): DF is awake. He is in the shower. He asked me if I'm coming to breakfast, for science I asked if him and I could have a sleep in instead. He gestured awkwardly towards the other room and said "yeah but mom is already up, let's do it tomorrow, I'll talk to her." Ugh, so nothing changes. I told him I was hungover and didn't feel like anything and would meet them by the pool later this morning. He kissed me and said okay like he was giving me fucking permission or something. And now I pretend to sleep until the coast is clear. Not sure when I'll update next as I'm dependent on a wifi connection. Update 3 May 22, 2016 Ooookay. So after he finished in the shower him and MIL came into the room to talk to me. I acted like I was super deep asleep and he even shook me awake! Asshole! He said something like "I'm sorry we just really need to speak to you and set things right." Anyway dot point summary: his mom was so sorry about yday, she just didn't like being told what was happening with dinner, she preferred to be asked. that being said it was rude to demand a meal alone, it would have been more appropriate to do something like surprise MIL with a spa or crafts session so she'd be occupied rather than expect she sit alone in a restaurant on her vacation. ultimately she is paying and felt a bit hurt that she was to be excluded. They agreed that once a day STBX and I would be able to do something alone together. Now that was said could we hug and make up? am I sure I want to waste the day lying in bed? Anyway, I hugged her. It made me wan to vomit but I did it and with a smile promised I would meet them by the pool in a few hours. As soon as I left I packed like a woman possessed. Thankfully MIL has tidied my suitcase th day before (HA THANKS BITCH) so that sped things up considerably. I think I was done in about ten mins and started hauling my luggage to Reception. Thank god halfway there a staff member saw me and took pity and called for someone at Reception to bring the little golf buggy with the trailer down to collect it for me, which was great because I FORGOT MY PASSPORT! Heart attack! So I ran back to the room and opened the safe and realised I had also left my jewelry and cash behind too. FUCK! So passport in hand I made it back to my luggage where it was being loaded onto the trailer and they let me ride with them. At Reception I explained the situation to the concierge, but exaggerated a bit and said MIL had crashed our honeymoon and broken up our marriage (to get him to take me seriously), so he organised for the private hotel car to drive me to the new resort. SCORE! When I arrived they had a room but no check in until the afternoon, but they upgraded me which was so Nice. so I went and lay by the pool and kinda dozed and ate junk and drank some cocktails. Finally got into my room this afternoon and crashed. Woke up to my phone BLOWING UP from exdf and MIL. Lucky I gave my family and close friends a heads up on what I was doing because exDF and MIL tried to tell them I had gone missing and cause a drama! I also have confirmation that bff and my sister are coming on Thursday for the weekend! Peena Comment: I chickened out on writing the whole note because I was panicking and needed to get out of there. So here is what I came up with. I think it's sassy. Goodbye note telling him she is done Several comments by Peena that ex and MIL blowing her phone up. Also, some people accuse her of faking the story because the provided screenshots are showing her fiancé as the user. Peena admits she snooped in ex's facebook to see what he was up to and took the screenshots with messages to her from there, and subsequently deletes the postings Peena Comment: It's getting late here. I spent most of the day doing what I wanted to do in the first place - absolutely nothing. I'm going to do nothing tomorrow, and then I've booked myself in for a day trip to go swimming with all the derecks in the ocean and to a Cenote (did i spell that correctly?) DF continues to message all butthurt and not accepting that we're done. MIL left one more voicemail telling me that she has been told not to leave me anyone voicemails but she wanted to leave one more telling me I am being silly and its my last chance to repair things with her before she stops supporting me as DF's future wife. Here is what I'm drinking right now. I might have a few more and thern I'm going to bed. With Dereck. Who is okay. He does not need to be saved. He is my man and I'm sticking by him. Picture of a Pina Colada Peena explaining why MIL tidied her suitcase: when I realised we were sharing a suite I refused to unpack (had a feeling it would end badly) and left my stuff in my suitcase, which everytime I needed something I'd rustle through it. So it ended up being a big tangled mess of clothes, bikinis and toiletries. It was bugging her so when I was in the shower she emptied it onto the bed and re-packed it. ExDF sat there and watched her do it and couldn't understand why I was pissed afterwards because she was "doing me a favor." Update 4 May 24, 2016 Hi y'all, sorry I have been MIA I needed some tech free time, and if my phone or iPad are with me I WILL use them so I locked them in my safe. Anyway who said he would get nasty? Well he is. He seems to prefer voicemails, which is moronic because he knows I'm only checking messages once a day. Anyway he can't believe I've "abandoned him" in a foreign country. Apparently I'm overreacting and immature and need to grow up. He wants to know where I am so he can come talk sense into me etc Also to the PP who asked about my photos in the cloud and Find my iPhone? When this all started a lovely person on here PAN'd me with that advice and I acted because he could have tracked me down that way. I'm not posting anything on SM at the moment but MIL posted a nice little PA status about how grateful she is to be spending precious alone time with her gorgeous charming son in Mexico and tagged him in it. To my amusement one of ex's smart mouth buddies commented "nothing like a romantic getaway for mother and son #awkward" and quite a few people 'liked' his comment. HAHA! I'm honestly struggling a bit second guessing myself. Some of this is on me for caving in and agreeing to this vacation so surely it's on me for it going badly? I just facetimed with DD and she asked to speak to DF. I just said he was out by the pool but that made me sad because they do love each other dearly. I emailed my cousin yday who is an attorney to let her know what is happening and what my legal rights are regarding getting him out of my house. It isn't her area of expertise so she is getting a colleague to handle it for me so no legal advice please - trust me I'm all over it like a rash. Oh - and today a wedding party full of Canadians arrived at the resort and took over the pool. I'll admit I sucked my stomach in every time I had to walk past them. Peena Comment: SIL just Facetimed to offer me support. She admitted MIL nearly broke her and BIL up several times in the past. She gave him an ultimatum and he chose her - THAT is why they're on LC with MIL. She said she wanted to warn me about this year's ago but ultimately felt it was none of her business, which I respect. She said BIL and her are there for me no matter what, and ex knows that they think he has fucked up big time. Apparently ex is panicking but has mil in his ear badmouthing me which is influencing his behaviour. I told her about the suggestion to send a bottle of champagne to their room congratulating them on their happy Union and she snortled her tea all over the screen of her phone. Some backrgound: Just lots of little things, like putting his mother's wants ahead of mine and not addressing her behaviour. I'd want to spend a Sunday down at my parents lake house and he wouldn't want to because we couldn't possibly miss MIL's family lunch which she hosts every fucking weekend (DD and I don't always go, but ex does). During the week he would tell me he had to swing by MIL's to help her with something (like change a light bulb) and I'd have dinner on the table and he would be a no show. When he would eventually get home he'd confess MIL had cooked dinner for him but apparently he couldn't be fucked letting me know? Ugh. This happened a lot. On my birthday I really wanted to go for Mexican and he said he'd take care of it. On the night we get to the restaurant and it's Italian. He tells me MIL gets indigestion from Mexican so we had to go somewhere else - I didn't even know she was fucking invited! The next day my family took me to Mexican because fuck him. He got butthurt and sulked the whole meal while I thanked my family repeatedly for giving me what I wanted for my birthday. On grandparents day at DD's school my mom and dad were going and ex and MIL both got offended that we didn't invite her. So DD did, and wrote her a special invitation card and MIL didn't come anyway. MIL always tries to one up me. I make an amazing vegetarian lasagne, and SIL is vegetarian and has had it before and loves it. So I offered to bring some to Thanksgiving (we only do traditional turkey every second year) and she accepted my offer. When I got there MIL had made her own vegetarian lasagne (which she has never made before in her fucking life and by all reports was bland as fuck) and she left mine in the kitchen! SIL, bless her, spoke up and said "hey MIL, you forgot to serve Peena's lasagne! It's amazing so I'm going to go get some." She left the table and bought it back and her and DD dug into it. MIL's CBF was EPIC. For Christmas I had said I was getting DD a vintage dollhouse and had been collecting the furniture for it all year... guess what MIL gave her? Thank fuck I refused to do presents with MIL on Xmas Eve and went to my parent's instead. The bitch fully intended to give her dollhouse to DD and ruin my giving of the dollhouse the next day. Thankfully my dollhouse was so much better - MILs was cheap plastic. DD who is so sassy said "oh thank you MIL it's so cool," then turned to me and said "since the one you got me is in my bedroom, can we keep this one at the lake house?" God I wanted to scoop her up and smother her with kisses. There is more, just lots of little things building up to this. I think maybe that's why I didn't put my foot down about her coming with us to Mexico, because I knew it would give me a clear out if I needed it. Gosh it felt good to get that off my chest. The thing is, with all of it, ex saw no problems with her behaviour. So that's when the whole vacation thing came up I heard the death bells ringing on our relationship. Update 5: May 25, 2016 He found me you guys! The fucking moron found me! I swear he must have called every five star hotel along the coast asking to be put through to my room. When I checked in I was told anyone who came would need to know my room number well guess that wasn't true! So I got a little bored this afternoon and decided to hit up the Tulum ruins. When I got back I got dropped out the front and could see up into the foyer. Guess who was sitting there! I swear my heart nearly jumped out of my throat! Anyway, as much as I don't want to see the douchecanoe, I'm not afraid of him so I walked up to him and said something like "you realise you look like a fucking stalker right now." At that point the Concierge who helped me when I arrived and knew my situation heard me and FREAKED out. Next thing you know two little Mexican security guards are standing there trying to escort him out. It was pretty funny. I felt bad for the moron and called them off and went and sat with him at the Reception Bar. I told him he had two minutes to say whatever it was he had to say and then I was done (we ended up talking for about an hour). In summary: - he was wrong to invite his mom without discussing it with me first (I responded that the fact it was even an option in his mind in the first place is what's wrong here) - he just thought it would be nice for his mom post divorce and that she would pay (I responded that I don't need nor want a dime of her money and it's pathetic and co-dependent that he does) - he should have refused to share a suite with her and asked for seperate rooms (I pointed out that even if we were in seperate rooms it wouldn't have improved things because she would have been knocking on our door every two mins) - its important to him that his mom and I have a strong relationship (I said to him the only relationship I could have with his mother was NO relationship) - He understood I needed my time away but could we at least commit to working things out when I got home. (I said no and he started crying) I told him that his dependency on his mom was unnatural and abnormal. That if he ever wanted to have a normal relationship with a woman he would have to learn that she comes first and not subject her to his mother's bullshit. I told him that BIL's relationship with MIL was the normal one and he should look to that as a good model to replicate. I also advised him to seek therapy for his mommy issues. I asked him if he had long term plans for MIL to live with us when she became elderly and he said yes. I told him that was not a future I wanted for me or DD, and I would be embarrassed and ashamed if DD thought she had to support me in my retirement. I pointed out that my parents were older than MIL and not as wealthy, yet they'd already mapped out their future financially to age 100 and it didn't involve being dependent on us. I asked him if his relationship with ex fiancée ended because she couldn't stand his mother and the relationship he had with her, and he said yes. He asked if we could revisit this when we got home and I said the only thing we would be doing when we got home was moving him out of my house. I asked him to respect my wish for him to leave me alone for the remainder of our time here, and he agreed. Then he left. And now I'm having a very strong margarita to calm myself. How did I do, DWIL? Peena Comment: Thanks y'all, I'm shaking a bit but I feel much better. The thought of having to live with her makes me feel sick to my stomach. Bullet officially dodged there. I also forgot to mention that I offered him the ring back and he declined. I don't think that's the end of the ring discussion though so I'll keep it locked up in case he changes he mind. I also did mention a few nasty things she had done (the dollhouse incident) and refusing to have Mexican on my bday but eating it here freely, and he instantly jumped to her defence. I stopped him and said "this right here is the problem. You can't even LISTEN to someone criticise her without freaking out and getting defensive. You'll never be able to protect me and DD and any future children from her toxicity because you can't even see it." Comments asking how he found her He admitted he called all the resorts I'd shortlisted originally and asked to be put through to my room. He confessed he booked her into the spa for the afternoon to get a break from her. Update 6 May 27, 2016 Editor's Note: They refers to her best friend and sister Back in my room to refresh before dinner! Oh I'm so happy they're here. I met them in Reception and when I saw them I just started bawling. I think the last few days have really built up on me and I've been feeling so lonely. It was great timing! I got a message from ex this afternoon saying "just letting you know mom and I are heading back home early." I replied "So sorry to hear your romantic getaway is being cut short. Where will you be staying when you get home?" Him: "at home until you get back and we can talk." Me: "there is nothing to talk about. I need you to move out." Him: "Lets just wait until we're home." Me: "You're not listening. You need to leave." Him: "We'll talk when we get home." He isn't taking me seriously you guys. I'm all over the legal aspect so will go down that route and take care of it when I'm back. I messaged my brother telling him if he is comfortable to stay put, and in response he sent me a pic of him wearing his underwear, a sweatshirt and a fake police officers cap with the words "yes ma'am" under the pic. Why can't things just be easy? Peena Comment: Sorry just got back! Having so much fun but exhausted - yay for no insomnia. To be crystal clear - there is no chance for us, and I have been crystal fucking clear with him on this issue. Changing my Facebook relationship status is the last thing on my mind, I'm not one of those people who gives a shit about that kind of thing. I'll do it when I get home and can be bothered. As of this evening ex is still in Mexico because MIL checked them in on Facebook to a restaurant (she has blocked me but the idiot hasn't blocked my sister). So either he is bluffing or he is heading home tomorrow. As for my home security, he can't take anything other than his laptop, gaming system and his clothes/toiletries and kayak. That's all he has at my house. My brother has this list and knows if he does start packing anything more than that to start recording it and call the police. That being said I do not believe he is going to pack and go anywhere. I think he genuinely believes despite me spelling it out that once I get home and things settle I'll "calm down" and we will sort things out. And for the PP who said MIL would be high tailing it to Home Depot to get his room ready? No need - his room has not been touched since he moved in with me. Where else do you think he sleeps when he stays there the night? Okay - off to bed and feeling so much happier after spending the day with my girls. Peena Comment: I'm having an absolute blast! We're totally exhausted so having an early night tonight so we are able to hit up Cancun tomorrow night! I haven't heard from Ex but MIL checked in on facebook and tagged Ex at the airport with a status that said "so sad its over :(" Someone replied "weren't you meant to be gone for another week or something?" and she replied "plans changed, heading back early but had SUCH a wonderful time with my wonderful SON." Someone else then wrote "you two make such a cute couple" and like 20 people have 'liked' that comment including my sister. WE DIED! SO FUCKING FUNNY! For those of you who said you feel sorry for him. So do I, but at the same time I'm pretty angry. He represented himself to me as a nice, normal, very charming and charasmatic guy. He swept me off my feet - I mean we met through mutual friends and he chased me for ages. When I finally agreed to a date he hired a limo and a private room in a restaurant - so he made me feel that women in his life were revered and that he couldn't wait to start a life with me. I feel he was dishonest when he failed to disclose that MIL was THE most important woman in his life, behind me, DD and any other females around the place. That makes me so mad at him, and also mad at her because what kind of a selfish cow raises her sons to be so entirely disfunctional and responsible for her happiness? Earlier a PP described the scenario that led to them going home early. Him sulking, which would have irritated MIL to no end because in her eyes he should have been more than happy with her company. MIL then would have made a crack about going home early, he would have said fine and then because MIL is stubborn she would have done it. I honestly think something like that happened. Regarding turning Ex's bedroom into a guest room at her home. She has a five bedroom house. It's ridiculous. She bounces around in that thing like a marble in a mason jar. She has her room, a crafts room, two guest bedrooms and Ex's room. She has made jokes about converting one of the guest bedrooms into a nursery for her grandchildren. Ohhhh how SIL and I LOL'd at that one. She argued that my mother has a room for DD, and she is right, she does, but my parents are kind, supportive, respectful and the room is not "DD's" room exclusively, it is just "her room" when she stays over, if that makes sense? Finally, you've all got my brother totally wrong. He is tall, scrawny and totally awkward and he would DIE if I shared that photo of him. For the record he was wearing boxers. If you were going to cast someone in a movie to play my brother, you'd definitely go with McLovin. Peena Comment: omg I just got back to the resort. I'm so hard core. I also think I might be dying. :-P Message from Ex overnight "got home safe, I look forward to seeing you when you get home. Be safe, love you." WHAT THE FUCK YOU GUYS? I feel like I'm in some kind of break up denial twilight zone here. Peena Comment: I agree. He is in for a rude awakening. I've already started mentally rehearsing what I'm going to say when I see him. How about: "oh I'm glad you're here, I wanted to give you your ring back and you've just saved me a trip to your mother's house to deliver it." Orrrr "What part of 'I want you out of my house' did you not understand?" Thoughts? I also think there will be an inevitable run in with MIL so I'm rehearsing for that too. I'm thinking "so have you and ex set a date for your wedding yet?" is my favorite. I've been the black hole. Peena Comment: Sorry I haven't been on much, sharing a room with someone who is more interested in spending time with me than their mother means less time web surfing. And... the rug sweeping messages continue! Ex: "Just letting you know 'brother' hadn't put the trash out the whole time he has been here so I took care of it, and some bills came so I paid them." Right, so a PA complaint about my brother being a pig and confirmation he is going through my mail... ExMIL: "hope you have a safe flight back, I'd love if you could swing by for coffee when you're home so we can put this silliness behind us." Yeah. I don't think so lady. WHAT LEVEL OF FUCKERY AM I DEALING WITH HERE? I don't want to go home. The second part is here submitted by /u/Schattenspringer to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not the OOP, the OOP is u/IGaveTheBook TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity, Potential sexual assault of a minor MOOD SPOILER: Ends on an uplifting note There are a lot of posts here, so I included a tl;dr at the bottom Here is the original BORU of this Post 1: AITA for gifting my mom and her husband a book on cheating for their anniversary? - March 2nd, 2022 I'm (16 M) and I love my mom (35) but when I was 10 she had an affair and left us, I visited her as often as I could and she always seemed so happy when I was there but I hated her new family so I stopped visiting. Honestly we rarely ever saw each other after just for my birthday and events really. She wants us to be close but I want nothing to do with her new husband so I've kept my distance. Except on Feb 20th my dad announced he'd be out on business till the 12th and my grandparents are stuck visiting relatives in Italy and so I really had nowhere to go and my mom jumped at the chance to have me stay with her. And just my luck that my mom's anniversary with her husband was on Sunday. I haven't had a good time here at all so all I do is stay in my room doing homework or go out with friends to avoid family activities cause it sucks seeing how lovey dovey she is with her husband and how they seem like the perfect family with their daughters. The morning before her anniversary day she came to my bed and tried to cuddle with me like before she left us but it made me angry like we can't go back in time and pretend it's how it was. So I just pretended to be asleep and stayed curled up and frozen till she left. I started crying cause of that and I felt angry and snarky and my mom majored in literature so I got her a copy of Anna Karenina for her anniversary. That book's about a lady who leaves her husband and son for her lover. I've never read it but I watched the movie with my girlfriend and I hated it. The anniversary party was on Sunday. Everyone was having fun but me and then people gave their gifts. I gave mine and when my mom saw what it was she seemed shocked but just said thanks. The party ended like an hour after. But at night when she was in her room I heard her crying really loudly. So I kinda eavesdropped a little and heard her saying stuff about that book and me and her husband trying to calm her. The next day at breakfast she left for work early before I woke up and her husband straight up called me an asshole and other stuff for gifting them that. It's been a few days now and my mom has barely talked to me. Honestly I feel so wrong I made my mom cry but at the same time I don't want to be here and she knows that so am I really the asshole? Edit: Thankfully the mods have locked this. But to everyone who keeps DMing me here's some facts to read before you do: I gave my mom the book to try and get it across to her that I hate being at her house and being around her family and that it hurts me to be there because I sympathized with the son from the movie not because I want a train to run her over - I do not want that to happen to my mom I do not want my dad to get back together with my mom, he's happy with his fiancee My dad has his reasons for not wanting me to go to therapy and is just being protective Yes I stopped visiting my mom cause I hate her husband but she had custody of me on weekends or breaks she could've forced me to be with her but since being with him or making him be with us whenever I did go to her was more important she never tried anything beyond the bare minimum of going to big events. Post 1 Comments: OOP responding to a user who doubts that he loves his mom: "Of course I do. End of the day no matter what she's done she's still my mom. I do like being around her and spending time with her, I love talking to her - I just hate that I have to do that around her new husband or the kids she has with him and the life that she left mine for. I love my mom so much thats why it sucked hearing her cry." OOP responding to a user who asks if his mother ever apologized: "No." and then if she made genuine efforts to reconcile: "Not really. Maybe it feels like to her she has, but it doesn't to me." OOP responding to a user if what he did made him feel good: "No it didn't." OOP on why his dad won't let him go to therapy: "Cause of some stuff that happened to him with a psychologist when he was younger Like younger than me but I'm not going to talk about that it isn't relevant and I think it's against the rules to explicitly mention." Post 2: Update 1 - March 16th, 2022 Posting this now cause people keep messaging me about it. The day after I posted I let my gf read it and she was like stay with me dummy. I told my dad, he said I could stay there and sent my gf's mom an email. At my mom's home I told her, she got really sad but said ok she'd drive me and sent an email too. I still wanted to talk alone to my mom like people said to. As she drove I wanted to talk like the school counselor helped me write a letter to read (like some people said to) but I just froze and she drove to a parking lot and started talking. She said a lot of stuff about the book, about still seeing me like I'm her baby, her not actually being happy and about us but ended with her saying its ok for me to hate her for what she did cause she hurt me and she'd never push to be my mom again but if I ever wanted she'd be there for me. But I don't hate her I love her so I started crying really bad I've never had a breakdown but I think that's what it was. I remember her taking me to the backseat and hugging me and me trying to say I love her while crying but its a blur. She calmed me down and I told her how I feel and I do want her to be my mom just I hate her husband and I don't want a train to hit her I even told her about when she tried to cuddle and how I feel bad now cause that'll never happen again cause I'm never going back to her house. She told me she knew I was awake and was mad at her so I started crying again. She told me it was ok and she's wrong and we talked a lot but I kept crying so she got me advil cause my head started hurting. She seemed sad I hate her husband but got really mad at him when I told her all the mean things he's said to me and said she'd never let him get between us again. She said she'd take me to therapy with just her no matter what dad says and to spend time with me alone. She dropped me off and I've felt better since I stayed there until my dad came back. My dad promised never to send me there again and to stay at my gf's if my grandparents stay in Italy. He agreed to let me do family therapy with my mom but he said he'd ensure its appropriate. We haven't started it yet, but my mom has kept her promise to spend time with me so far and it does make me feel happier. I didn't think the last post would blow up like it did so I hope with this update you guys don't have to worry much anymore cause I think it's getting better. Post 3: Update 2 - May 9th, 2022 So just an update (posting during locker break so I can't respond till later) cause some people are curious and are messaging me so here's like a mass update. I've been going to therapy with my mom every day on Fridays, but we hang out just the two of us for on Saturdays and Sundays. Like our first weekend together she took me to see Batman and the day after we went to Boston Pizza. Since then we've really just been going on walks and hikes or even shopping but I like that cause we get to talk a lot. And we talk on facetime every day. It really does feel like I've gotten her back as my mom and that's what I wanted. The best part is that when we hug now it's like we're actually hugging and before it was like I did it cause I had to and I guess it just feels so special. Like I don't know but I feel really happy, which I didn't before. I guess it was like I was missing something cause even my girlfriend has said that I seem a lot happier than before. Therapy has been really weird. It's not at all what I thought it would be. Like before the first meeting my dad talked to the psychologist for like half an hour like he was interrogating her but then my mom and I had the session. It was like the psychologist was focused on that book and why it made my mom cry and everything. The sessions since then have been weird cause it's like I end up crying a lot so my mom always brings a bottle of Gatorade for me. My mom does end up crying too but she always tries to hide it and not show and when the therapist asked why she said cause she doesn't want her crying to influence what I'm saying or how I'm feeling. I still don't feel comfortable going alone even though the therapist has said it and my mom's said she'll take me and is going to start going on her own too but I just don't feel ready. Oh and in therapy I did tell her I was worried that she was only doing all of this cause she wanted to bring me into her family and when she figured out it would never happen she would just choose her husband again and leave me for good. That made her cry a lot and she couldn't even hold it in and she was like it's cause she's finally starting to understand that I don't trust her and I might never trust her again and she's knows it's all her fault. She did promise me again though that I'd never have to see her husband and she'd only bring her daughters when I wanted and that she'd never let him stop her from going to my graduations and my wedding. When she kinda calmed down she did say that the only time I'd have to deal with him was at her funeral but I don't want to think about that. I don't want to write too much about what happened in therapy but I guess I kind of felt like I should share that. Easter was the best holiday I've had in a while even though I didn't go anywhere. My mom's husband took their kids to see his parents and she stayed behind. We spent so much time that weekend together for part of it I kind of felt like a little kid again. I even got to properly introduce her to my girlfriend and to my girlfriend's mom and we all had Easter dinner together. Like my mom made the turkey and it was amazing I didn't know how much I missed it but it tasted exactly like it did when I was little. And I did finally admit to her that my grandparents aren't coming back from Italy and that's why I was feeling so down recently. I also admitted that dad and his fiancee are going to move to Catania after I graduate and are going to stay there and that I'll probably go to university in Catania and Palermo. She was sad and she did admit she didn't want me to go cause I'd end up moving Summer next year and that's not that far away and she probably wouldn't see me in person at all. But she did say she'd support me no matter what I chose. And a lot of our sessions since then have kind of focused on me going to university there. Yesterday on Mother's Day her husband went to see his parents again and my mom and I were already going to a restaurant called Cactus Club together. I didn't know if he was taking their kids and if he wasn't I know I would've felt bad if they didn't get to celebrate Mother's Day with her too so I said she could bring them. I don't really know the girls that well but it was still a good time. My mom brought her camera with her cause she hates using the one on the phone and she got our waitress to take a photo of all of us together at the end. I did have the waitress take the photos again on my phone so I could send them to her and she could have them on her phone. I guess that's another update for everyone who was asking. I don't mind updating and I like talking to the people who comment her or on that repost subreddit, but I'm going to tell my mom I've been posting. If she says I can keep posting then I will but if she tells me to stop, then this is the last one. Post 4: Update 3 - June 21st, 2022 So, I guess to give an update, my exams are all done and it's summer break now. But, I got into AP English! I got two lists of books from my teacher cause he wants us to read them over the Summer to be prepared. On one list it's books like Wuthering Heights, the Great Gatsby, Moby Dick and Frankenstein and he said we absolutely should read through those since we'll be choosing two of them to do essays and stuff on. On the other list, it's just a giant list of books that he recommends reading to be prepared. It's a really big list and of course, Anna Karenina is on the list. My girlfriend saw that and was like well good thing you already bought that one. Anyway, cause my mom knows all those books, I gave her the lists before we went to our therapy session and she agreed to take me to Indigo or to some old bookstores to get me the best versions of them, cause some of them are translated from other languages. I still don't feel comfortable doing therapy without her. I don't know, I just don't think that I'm going to be able to speak up without her there. She's pushing me to do it but I just can't. Even she's done some sessions alone through Teams. But like if I do it alone and I end up crying I don't want the therapist to hug me and if it's at home I don't want my dad or his fiancee to wonder what's wrong. My dad still doesn't like that I'm doing therapy. He actually had a really big fight with his fiancee about it cause when her niece and nephew move in, she's going to send them to therapy. He's like they shouldn't go cause they can't speak English and it might turn out like it did for him cause he couldn't speak English when he had to go as a kid. It sucked cause I got roped into it and my mom ended up being called and she threatened to pull the custody card on dad to make it clear I'd still be going with her. He did say sorry to me after and that he'll try and be more supportive and get over being scared. Anyway, my mom bought me the Great Gatsby, Moby Dick and Frankenstein, cause she said that Wuthering Heights will probably bore me. And from the other list, she got me The Count of Monte Cristo, A Tale of Two Cities, Great Expectations and Catch-22. She also gave me the copy of Anna Karenina that I gave her and said she would like for me to read it cause it might help me understand why getting that hurt her so much but that if it gets too much, I can just give it back to her. I guess I can, I mean I saw the movie. How bad can it be? And my mom also said that she wants to take me on a trip somewhere in August. Cause if I move to Italy with everybody next Summer, then we probably won't ever have a proper vacation again. I don't know if I want to go, but if it means so much to her then maybe I will. I just guess I'm scared that maybe her husband will end up coming even though she said that he won't. I guess that's another update for whoever still cares. I'll keep posting as long as I have something I want to write about. I do like venting on here and since the therapist has recommended I continue, I guess I will. Post 5: Update 4 - July 19th, 2022 Didn't think I'd be posting again so soon, but I feel like writing something so why not. Well, I have started reading the Summer reading list. The first one I read was Frankenstein cause I was most excited for it and it did not disappoint. I really liked that book, it was so good. I felt so bad for Frankenstein, like his brother, his brother's nanny and his wife didn't deserve to die just cause he was selfish. It made sense he was a modern Prometheus cause he can't be as good as Prometheus cause he lives in a more modern world. My girlfriend and I watched the Robert de Niro movie together and it was really good too but not as good as the book. I also read the Great Gatsby and it was good but not as good and have started Moby Dick. As for Anna Karenina, I only read the first part. But I like it better than the movie so far. Anna isn't even the main character, that's a guy named Levin. And he's an interesting character, he's smart even though's a simple farmer. I liked all the thinking that he does, it makes him seem real even if the author writes dialogue or thoughts in a way that nobody would ever actually talk or think. What surprised me was how modern it was. There's stuff that tells you it's in the past like receiving guests or telegram or how to start a fireplace but there's also stuff like working in an office, how Levin works on a farm, a public skating rink, them just having coffee in the morning or going to a diner and ordering like it's modern day. I get it wasn't like that for poor people and that everybody in the book is pretty much rich (some of the characters know the emperor) but it's kind of like 1800s Russian rich is like today but with less rights for women. I didn't like the Anna parts and I hate Vronsky, the guy she leaves her family for in the movie. I can't help but thinking of the stupid actor that played him in the movie too (I hate that actor, he's so lame, he's lame in everything I've seen him in and for some reason he's in everything too). He's a shitty guy who goes to brothels and tricks Kitty, the girl Levin loves, into thinking he'll marry her so he can bang her, pretends to love his mom cause she's a ho and when he meets Anna, the first thing he hears is how much she loves her son but starts trying to get her. It makes me mad, he knows she has a kid and thinks it's all right to go for her. He's not written as if he could be a real person either. What's weird is when Vronsky and Anna dance, the author writes Kitty's perspective to show her being humiliated but also to show those two fall in love. Then the chapters after are Anna's perspective but the author doesn't explain why they acted like that, just that Anna is attracted to him but is ashamed and Vronsky is in love. I hate Vronsky, she tells him no twice when she sees him after the ball but he keeps going after her. We have assemblys on how girls don't like guys who don't take no for an answer but the author's writes she does. He's such a stupid, stupid character. I hate this character so much and it's worse that he's played by the stupidest actor ever in that stupid movie. And then it's as if meeting him changed Anna so much she doesn't find her son as good as she imagined even though he's still the best thing in the world to her. Plus, Anna's husband isn't even bad, he's just sarcastic but he's not cheating and trusts her and the author says they love each other. I actually had an argument with my mom cause she was said if I think Levin is the main character then Kitty is just as important and I'll see why the author needed to show the ball from her perspective and also cause it shows the effect of Anna's actions. But it's like the author needed them to fall in love and wrote Kitty's perspective cause it was too hard to write Anna so he tells us she falls in love and he leaves it to us to imagine why that happens. We ended up bringing the argument into therapy cause it got intense cause my mom wouldn't accept that I don't think the author is that good. And my therapist said I'm projecting people in my life onto people in the book and that just dovetailed into stuff about my dad not wanting me to go to therapy. My dad's fiancee's niece and nephew moved in a few days before Canada Day. It's been weird having them around. They loved the Canada Day parade but they've been quiet and they cry a lot, like sometimes Giulia (dad's fiancee) has to sleep with them both. I've tried to be their friend, let them play on my PlayStation, play poker or basketball with them. I think they like my girlfriend more than me though cause I think they think she's famous. But it's hard cause they don't know English (even though they've been seeing a tutor) and when we speak Italian, I honestly don't know what they're saying half the time cause of their accent and I understand nothing when they speak Sicilian. I did bring them up in therapy once but mom seemed kind of sad and I guess it's cause I don't really know her kids at all so I haven't since. As for therapy, my dad made Giulia promise not to let them go alone and he seemed really scared and acts so weird when they go. He's gotten into a few arguments about it with Giulia but she always shuts him down and one time she even called my grandparents. And he's been hugging me really tightly every time I go with my mom now or come back from it, has asked how much more I need to go and if I can stop soon and one time I think he was even crying when I came back but he tried to hide it from me. My mom told me to let her know if he says anything about stopping me again. I guess the big thing is, my mom's not going to be working first two weeks of August, so she was like, she can take me on a trip that's just us to Kelowna or Kamloops or wherever then. But it has to be in the first two weeks cause she needs to start preparing for school reopening after that. The problem is that my dad's fiancee is going back to Italy in the beginning of August for her stuff about her sister's will and she asked me if I wanted to come cause she's like she'll show me the University of Palermo and the University of Catania and I can meet with advisors and stuff and I'll get to see my grandparents. My mom got really sad when I told her about that, I feel like she wanted to cry and she said she really wanted me to stay so we could have one last vacation. Like she said it a lot in a lot of different ways this weekend and kept telling me her husband wouldn't come along. So I don't want to let her down but I also really want to see my grandparents. Wow, I wrote a lot more than I wanted to but I guess if anybody who comes here has any advice on if I should go with my mom or with Giulia, I'll take it. Post 6: Hey Everyone - November 20th, 2025 (nearly four years since the first post) So, I don't know how many people are still reading this, but it says that I have 44 messages in the chat icon, so that's something. The first thing I want to do is thank u/Dustyrose-930 – you gave me a lot of support in our DMs back when I was active here, and it meant a lot to me. I don't know if your account is still active, but I hope it is so you know that the talks we had really did help me. Now, the first thing I want to talk about is that there were some things which I lied about in my older posts because I guess I thought they made me seem cooler. Like at one point I wrote that I couldn't understand my stepmom's niece and nephew's accent when they spoke Italian. That was just not true and I don't know why I wrote that. I only had trouble when they spoke Sicilian. And reading those old posts, the thing that I see a lot is that I kept saying I don't speak at all to my mom's husband and pretty much implied that I just gave him the silent treatment whenever I was around him. That was a lie and was something I think I wrote because I thought it'd make me look like a badass or something. But it's just cringey looking back at it. The truth is, he's always been friendly to me, and I was always a dick to him because I hated him for taking my mom and having to be around him when I wanted to be with her. The only time he was ever actually mean to me was when he called me an asshole for giving my mom the book. If I'm being honest, I still kind of hate him but not like I used to and maybe I really only hate the part of him that I think of when I remember my parents getting divorce. I don't know, it's hard to explain. When I moved to Italy with my dad, I really started missing my mom and I kept blaming him like, I would have spent more time with her when I was in Canada if it weren't for him. But now, I try not to let it bother me because I know that kind of thinking is just going to make me angry with my mom and I'm so tired of that now. I'll never love him or respect him like I do my stepmother, but no matter how I feel about him, he loves my mom, he really does make her happy and she loves him too. Another thing is that I know I wrote about crying really badly a few times. But the truth is, I cried so much more than I wrote about, and I tried to avoid writing about whenever I did because I felt so embarrassed about it and hated myself for being honest about the times I did cry. Looking back, at most of those therapy sessions I went to with my mom or the hikes or when I told my mom I wanted to move to Italy or so many other things, something made me cry like a baby and I guess on here, I could reframe those things like I was calm and cool. And then another thing is that I wrote about not wanting to go on a vacation with my mom because I wanted to go check out universities in Italy with my stepmom instead. The truth is that I really wanted to go with my mom, and it's another thing where I don't even remember why I was writing like I didn't because I did go with her and it was one of the best trips I've ever had. My life has been good since I last posted. I have a plan for my future and I'm not angry and bitter and depressed anymore. My dad and my stepmom are officially married and he's the happiest that he's ever been with her. I love university, it's so much better than school and it honestly feels like this is the best thing ever at times. I'm still completely shit with Sicilian but everybody speaks Italian so it doesn't matter. The reason I felt like writing this and just getting all these thoughts out is that my mom and her husband had another baby in August, and I flew in like a day after my mom got back from the hospital, and I stayed with them until I had to go back. So pretty much last night in Canada, my girlfriend visited my mom. And yes, this is the same girlfriend I had back when I made all those posts. We've made it work somehow even though we're worlds away. She took a picture with my new baby sister and sent it, and I only saw it when I woke up like an hour and a half ago, but it reminded me of all this and I felt like writing about it. Reading that very first post back, I see how I mentioned so many times that the reason we stopped seeing each other beyond birthdays and at my games and events was because my sisters or her husband were always with her. It's funny because I know that at the time when I wrote that post that time seemed so much longer than it was. I didn't try to understand my mom and how hard it was for her to be away from my sisters with how small they were then. And it took her so long, maybe way too long to understand why I only wanted her but she did keep trying till she got it and I can appreciate that so much now. It's like the person I was who wrote that post expected perfection from my mom but wouldn't have been happy even if she gave it. I remember how guilty I felt for making my mom cry because of that stupid book and so many people on this website pointed it out to me too. I still feel a little bit guilty but I can forgive myself just like I can forgive her for not being as perfect as I'd expected back then. I guess what I want to say is that I wish I hadn't been so angry and sad back then and that I hadn't tried so hard to not enjoy time with my mom just because my stepfather and my sisters were there too. And I wish that I knew that having fun, even if he was involved, didn't mean that I was suddenly okay with what he did. And I wish that I saw all the times that my mom tried to be better after the divorce for me and try to make up for breaking up our family. And I wish that I knew that it was okay to be mad and act out because none of it was my fault and if I'd known that sooner then maybe I could have realized how I really wanted things to be sooner. Because I was really hurting myself by being so upset, and she could see it and that was hurting her. We have a way better relationship now, and I love spending time with her without giving any conditions because I really don't want to regret things anymore. When I move back to Canada to get my master's, I am going to stay with her because I want her to be in my life, eat her dinner again, watch TV shows with her again, and be a family. And I know that it'll be different and better this time because I actually want it to be. If there's any advice I can give, it's just if you can make up for whatever regrets you have, then just do it. And I guess the last thing I'll say is that I really fucking hated reading that book. If I could go back in time, then I would never give my mom the book, and I definitely think it'd be to scrub the memory of reading it out of my head. It was worse than the movie my girlfriend made me watch. Read Frankenstein instead if you can. tl;dr: OOP gifts his mother Anna Karenina because she left his father for her current husband. He goes through a lot of struggling with his feelings about her and his own future. Three years later, he's emotionally in a much better place and has a good relationship with his mother. submitted by /u/LostWorked to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

This is a repost. The original was posted in r/TrueOffMyChest by user childfreerunaway. I'm not the original poster. Status: Concluded Original February 1, 2025 I’ve (26F) always known I didn’t want kids. From a young age, even when adults asked me how many kids I wanted, my answer was always none. I didn’t even know what "childfree" meant, but I always was. As I got older, I realized what it was. I just didn’t feel that unconditional love that’s supposed to come with having children. Could I love a child? What if…? I can't be a mother because I don't know what that kind of love feels like. That’s how I’ve spent my whole life. Then I met my fiance (34M) two years ago he was my first everything, and I finally experienced romantic love. But when it came to kids, I still knew I couldn’t do it from the beginning, I told him that having kids was off the table he said he was fine with that because he never really liked kids, so it wasn’t a problem for him. Five months ago, he proposed, and I said yes. We moved in together, and everything was perfect. We were planning our wedding slowly, no rush. That was until his sister had a baby two months ago my fiance instantly fell in love with his nephew and was there every step of the way. He bathed him, changed him, napped with him it seemed normal, I guess so I didn’t mind. Three weeks ago, we went to his sister’s house for lunch. My fiancé was mowing her lawn when she asked me to watch the baby for a couple of minutes. I tried to refuse, but she looked so down that I agreed. I thought she would just put him in his stroller or something, but she plopped him into my arms and went upstairs. I panicked, I had never held such a small baby before, and I was terrified I might drop him. Five minutes in, he started crying. At first, it was fine, but then he started screaming at the top of his lungs how can such a tiny baby be so loud? I was almost in tears myself, I stood up as gently as I could and went outside where my fiancé was I yelled at him to come grab the baby from me he came over, TOOK A PICTURE OF ME HOLDING THE BABY and instead of taking him from me, he started giving me tips on how to calm him down. He pushed the baby closer to my chest and said, “He really suits you.” I was on the verge of a panic attack, my hands trembling I was even more scared to drop him, I yelled, IF YOU DON’T GRAB HIM, I’M PUTTING HIM ON THE FLOOR. He got angry, called me a bitch, and grabbed the baby. I couldn’t handle it anymore, so I took an Uber home. He came home around midnight, showered, and went to sleep on the couch. The next morning, he was already gone when I woke up, and he didn’t come home until 3 am I told him we needed to talk, but he just said, Tomorrow and went back to the couch. The next day, when I came home from work, he was waiting for me. We sat down, and he apologized for how he reacted, saying he didn’t know what got into him. I asked the question I already knew the answer to. Me: Do you want to have kids now? Him: I don’t know. I just love him so much, you know? Me: Well, that’s normal, isn’t it? Him: I guess. But do you really feel that against having kids? You don’t even have to get pregnant or give birth we can adopt. (I talked about how scary pregnancy and childbirth were for me, especially because of how hard it was for my mom. She almost died giving birth to me due to complications, and she had to have an emergency hysterectomy) Me: That’s not the only reason, and you know that, you know how I feel about not knowing if I could love a kid unconditionally Him: I know, but you learned to love me, right? You can love a child too. Listen, we don’t have to agree on this now. We can get married first, and then revisit it. Please don’t shut it down immediately Then he started to cry and hugged me, so I dropped it. But deep down, I knew I couldn’t be a mom. I know myself, and honestly, I felt betrayed by him. I thought I’d eventually start resenting him, but I hoped we could get past this. Then he started doing some strange things. He changed his wallpaper to the picture of me holding the baby, he started calling me “mama.”????, he wanted to start having unprotected sex, and he even began touching my belly when he thought I was asleep (I have fertility issues that I’ve never treated because what was the point? My period is irregular, but mostly painfree, so I never bothered to do anything about it) But when he suggested I go to the doctor to see “what’s going on with that" I panicked. It felt like he was trying to get me pregnant, and abortion is still illegal in the country we’re living in. So I left I told him my mom fell in the shower and broke her leg (a lie), and I wanted to stay with her for a couple of days to make sure she was okay he said that was fine, and I waited for him to go to work. Then I grabbed important documents, some clothes, sentimental things, my dog, and I left. I don’t know if what I did was right. I’m starting to doubt myself. Maybe he just wanted me to be healthy. Maybe he was just cuddling me or liked that picture. But I can’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. He hasn’t realized that I left to never coming back. He just questioned why I took the dog, jokingly. I didn’t tell anyone; I just told my mom I missed her. Maybe I should go back and pretend everything’s okay, but something about him feels off now and just don't know anymore. I'm sorry if this is all over the place and extremely long, I just can't talk to anyone about this and is eating me alive, I probably left some things out of context so sorry about that too. Comments by OOP: [why she doesn't just break up with him] You're probably right but I always run away, I can't handle confrontation, I run away instead of moving out like a normal person when I was 18 I don't handle confrontation well, don't get me wrong I'm no pushover I will stand my ground and would not back down but I hate having to talk to people face to face or giving explanations I also didn't talked to my boss, I told him the same lie so he gave me time off but I really want to talk to him because he's the one who brought me with him when he was promoted so I feel I owe him an explanation too I think If I talk to my boss something can be arranged because is lite binational I was in the office in my country and move to the office in his country Gladly he was never in my home country, he has a super demanding job so he doesn't even take vacations so is nearly impossible for him to find me, even if he tries I'm not even in the capital or near there [on how she didn't like children as a child] I was horrible apathic growing up, I didn't like nor dislike anything or anyone I knew I was capable of love because I love my family but romantic love is so different I guess I also didn't get along with my peers when I was little I was always talking to adults kids annoyed me so I think I was always a little bit of a hater idk I was never scared of being alone, I used to have a neighbor she was a retired architect who lived alone with her plants, she used to let me go visit her because I never touched anything so she liked me, she was always my role model I was doubting myself because everyone (except my dad) always told me I was difficult to please and I ask too much I'm barely an appropriate human how can I teach somebody else how to be one [about her ADHD diagonsis] I usually don't talk about it because my mom told me "is that just an excuse for being lazy all your life?" When I tried to talk to her about it so I ignore the diagnosis after all I spent most of my life without it The thought of going through pregnancy makes want to pass away in all honesty I went outside to called him, when he saw I had the baby he took his phone out of his pocket and took the picture [if they planned to leave the child with OOP] I don't think they plan it but he was zero help anyway I don't think his sister would've agree to something like this, she's really a serious woman and she doesn't take shit from anyone yet again we do things we wouldn't normally do for our siblings [what the picture with the baby even looks like] Oh I look like I ran away from an mental hospital and stole a baby it's really bad I can't blame the sister, she's a single mom and is doing everything on her own, her birth had some complication and she really is doing the best she can I just want to clarify that even though I said it I wasn't planning on leaving the baby on the floor And when he suggested unprotect sex I just look at him and walked away I wasn't going to put him on the floor I'm not that insane [if she thinks he would be a good co-parent] He has a really demanding job he tried to say he would help a lot but he is barely home, when is he going to do this things? At 11 pm? [on why she didn't break up with him after he called her a bitch] Honestly I wanted to break up with him then too and he was giving me the cold shoulder it pissed me off so much but people always said I was too mean, too cold and too unforgiven so I tried to fix things Why would I make the life of this child miserable just to see if I might love them Because I'm a foreign everything is on his name and I think he owns the apartment [if he would sabotage birth control] I want to say he's not capable but after everything that happened I'm not so sure anymore [somebody says to take a pregnancy test in case he already got there] I didn't even though about that Is the age gap actually a big deal? My Older sisters weren't particular thrilled about it when I talked to them I just need time to pull myself together, make uncomfortable decisions I'm definitely ending things now I just need to mentally prepared for whatever shit show that's going to be This is actually heartbreaking but you're right he loves someone I'm not Update February 11, 2025, 10 days later So, I'm going to try to make this as chronologically accurate and concise as possible. If something is unclear, I’ll clarify in the comments. The first thing I did after my last post was get a blood pregnancy test (it was negative). That night, I also spoke to my mom I wasn't comfortable sharing every single detail, so I left some things out, but she told me she supports me and that I can stay with her for as long as I need. I also talked to my sisters they admitted they never liked the idea of me dating someone so much older, but they didn’t want to push me because they know me. If they did, I’d probably get angry, distance myself, and become even more dependent on him. I apologized for overreacting at everything and assured them that they should never hesitate to tell me if something feels weird or wrong. I called my boss and gave him a more family-friendly version of the story. He was absolutely livid not only with him but also with me for not telling him sooner. He’s like my work dad and was the one who requested I join him. He said he didn’t bring me to a foreign country without intending to take care of me. He promised to pull some strings to get me a position at the office in my country since my former position was already filled. He also told me that if I wanted to get my things back I could go back on a Saturday, and he would accompany me. After thinking about it, I decided to go back,it might seem silly, but I had spent a lot of money on K-pop photo cards, albums, mangas and I didn’t want to start my collection from scratch. So, I spent a couple of days with friends and visiting family, realizing how lonely and isolated I felt in a foreign country even though it's not that far from home I knew I could never leave my family like that again. Even my dog seemed happier, spending every afternoon cuddling with my mom. I also visited my father's grave. I’ve always hated cemeteries and avoided them, but I needed him in that moment. I went alone, brought fresh flowers, cleaned a little, and just sat there talking to him. I told him none of this would have happened if he hadn’t passed away. I cried like A LOT, then laughed like a crazy person. I ended up staying for about three hours, but it felt so healing. I also went to my mom’s gynecologist, and she said it was possible to get a tubal ligation, especially considering my health issues. She warned me it could take about six months, but I was okay with the wait, so we started the process. I felt so free after that appointment and just so much happier being home. I didn’t even think about my ex until he messaged me asking about my mom. I told him she was doing better and that I’d be back on Saturday. I decided to talk to him face-to-face, since I was already going back to collect my things. On Friday afternoon, my sister lent me her car, and I drove back. It’s almost a 12-hour drive, but with breaks, it took about 14 hours. I went straight to my boss’s house, and when I arrived around 9 a.m., he asked me to have breakfast with him and his family. Afterward, he and his son came with me to my ex’s house to help pack up my things, I even get some of my favorite plants. They made fun of my taste in music, and we finished in about an hour and a half. Afterward, I went to my ex’s sister’s house. I needed to know if the whole baby incident had been a setup. I knew she didn’t work on Saturdays, so I went to her house. Luckily, she was home and invited me in. We sat in awkward silence for a moment until I asked her: Me: Did your brother ask you to make me hold the baby? Her: What? No, why? What even happened that day? When I went downstairs, you weren’t there, and he said you got sick and had to leave. Me: What did he tell you exactly? Her: He said you had a panic attack because of fertility issues, and holding the baby was triggering. I told him that didn’t sound like you, but he said, “How are you supposed to know more about my fiancée than I do?” Then he left. Me: What the actual fuck? Her: Yeah, he even said you wanted to babysit and go to the park as a couple with the baby, but I told him he was crazy if he thought I’d let him use my baby like that. He got mad at me and didn’t speak to me for a couple of days. Then I laughed and explained what actually happened. She was furious—so mad she started crying. She apologized for leaving me with the baby, and I apologized for saying I was going to put the baby on the floor, clarifying that I wasn’t actually going to do that. She said she was genuinely considering going low-contact with him because his behavior was creepy, and she feared he might do something to the baby. I decided to tell her I was leaving her brother, and she said she understood. We hugged, and she said she’d miss me. I went back to my boss’s house to wait for my ex to get home. I told him to text me when he got off work, I was a nervous wreck. I almost threw up. My boss’s wife made me chamomile tea and stayed by my side, rubbing my back (I honestly love that woman, the whole family, really) My boss and his son came with me to his apartment. One thing about my boss—he’s a softy, but he’s huge. He’s 195cm (6'3") and about 130kg (286 lbs) and his son is basically a carbon copy of him, so I felt pretty safe. When my ex got home, he smiled at me, but then saw my boss and his son. He asked me what was going on. Me: I’m breaking up with you. You’re clearly going through a baby fever phase, and I don’t want any part of that. Him: What do you mean, breaking up? We can’t break up. We love each other. Me: No. You love the idea of me being pregnant with your child and that’s not going to happen. He tried to hug me, but my boss grabbed his shoulder and said, “Why don’t you sit here with me?” Him: I can’t lose you. I love you. You’re my soulmate. I can’t live without you. If you leave me, I’ll die. I would rather never have kids than lose you. I’ll even get a vasectomy, but please stay. What will our families think? You can’t just break off the engagement like this. Me: First of all, this isn’t a telenovela, so calm down. Second, I never even told my family we were engaged, and I’ve already told them we broke up. Him: What about the dog? You can’t just take her. Me: What dog? The dog I’ve had since I was 17? That’s my dog, and she barely tolerates you. Trust me, she’s much happier with my mom. He started sobbing, and tried to speak, but I couldn’t understand him. My boss’s son couldn't chose a worst moment to laughed and asked, “You really didn’t tell your family?” Me: I just never found the right moment, you know? My ex calmed down a little and said he’d never let me go. He still loved me, blah, blah, blah. I felt a little threatened when he said something like, “I’ll find you and make you fall in love with me again.” I told him, “Good luck with that, but seriously, we’re not in a telenovela. Enough with the drama.” I gave him the ring back, and he threw it at me (though it didn’t hit me). I said, “I hope you find someone who wants kids, but I also hope you get psychological help,” and we left. I spent the night at my boss’s house, and the next morning, I went back home. I spent the rest of Sunday sleeping because I had a bit of a fever (that’s me the girl who gets emotional fevers👍). I helped my mom with her business today, and my therapy session is on the 13th. Due to how things went in the office, I’ll start again in March. They kind of fired me, to rehired me. Thank you so much for helping me see how crazy this whole situation was. I feel so happy and so light now. I forgot how much I love having my family around. I probably won’t update again unless something crazy happens, but yeah thank you people (especially women) of reddit 🩷✨ Edit to clarify a couple of things 1. Some people said and even messaged me to tell me I never loved my fiance and I'm a horrible cold person. I did love him and I think I still do, I had a whole script memorized to talk to him about his sister's baby, he wanting unprotected sex, why I ran away but I panicked and forgot everything and decided to just be blunt and direct 2. I didn't take two men to make fun of him while I broke up with him (that's actually insane) they come with me because I didn't feel safe with my ex alone 3. People saying I need therapy, I know I already made the appointment it's on the 13th 4. About the tube ligation, it's nothing confirmed yet but I'll try to get a bilateral salpingectomy (someone here actually let me know what that was) I wanted a histerectomy but that's basically impossible according to my doctor 5. Some people told me this sounds fake, I wish but no is real, maybe it's the way I worded or because English is not my first language idk but there's that Comments by OOP: My mom has security cameras already so I'm feeling confident Also I don't think he's just going to leave everything to follow me not even knowing where I am Just because we watch telenovelas doesn't mean we need to replicate them 🙂‍↔️ I deleted all my social media and changed my phone number Honestly I'm sad but I'm not but then I am sad again is a weird feeling I don't think they can really just watch him "without cause" but my boss's wife advised me to go to a police station before going out of the country again to let them know I was leaving willingly just in case, And no he doesn't post much on social media just big events, birthday anniversaries and that kind of stuff [about going to therapy] I had my first session on the 13th, I Know it's going to be a long road but it felt so good being able to tell someone everything without being judged and even someone who can give you advices I have some issues I need to work on honestly Update 2 November 14, 2025, 9 months later Hello, it’s me again. It’s been a long time and I don’t know if people still care much about all this anymore but I feel like this is the last thing I need to do to fully close this chapter of my life. First of all I’m officially sterile, after fighting with doctors for months and convincing them that my imaginary future husband won’t mind not having any biological children and I got a bilateral salpingectomy so no more kids for me yayyy. Work-wise, I’m doing great. The person who replaced me in my old position was moved to another department, so they offered me my job back and I accepted it. I do have to travel to the neighboring country again which makes me a little anxious but it’s only one week every three months and I get to stay with my old boss and his family so that’s nice. My therapist is amazing honestly I love her She helped me realize my issues go way deeper than what happened with my ex. Speaking of him I found out through my boss’s son (let’s call him Allan) that he’s expecting a child with someone. Allan showed me pictures from a gender reveal party with him and a girl but I didn’t see his sister there so I don’t know if she’s still no contact with him or something. anyway, I’m actually glad he got what he wanted, he wasn’t really a bad person just someone who got carried away with his feelings and did some bad things I’m not defending him tho I just chose to move on and hope we both grow as people. I also started seeing someone two months ago, we’re taking things reaaaally slow but he’s so patient, caring, and loving and being with him makes me feels sooo good, but I’m still scared of being intimate, even though I technically can’t have kids anymore some of that anxiety is still hanging around I guess. We talked about me being childfree and he said he is too and he actually got a vasectomy when he was 21, I told him about what happened with my ex and he is really supportive and doesn't pressure or rush me to do anything I'm not ready for. Anyway, I just wanted to give an update and let you all know that I’m fine and happy a lot of people were really worried about me, and I appreciate the concern and wanted to let you know that I'm moving on and this is probably my last update, I want to keep doing better and close this chapter completely. I think I'll delete this account at some point too. Comments by OOP: I just hope he is an actual good father now that he has a baby on the way I'm really trying to be the bigger person and not talk shit about him because both of them look quite happy in the pictures but from what Allan showed me she's 24 years old and that makes me feel a funny weird feeling but I hope they are good for each other or whatever I honestly prayyy that she is fine and wanted this baby and I hope he'd be a good dad, he wasn't a complete awful partner but I really only care that she's okay because as a woman having a baby you didn't want must be top 3 worst things that can happen to you I'm not the original poster submitted by /u/Schattenspringer to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRAdownsizing Originally posted to r/AITAH Previous BoRUs: #1 originally posted by u/Stephenallen1977 [New Update – 20 months later]: AITAH for telling my fiancé that if he expects me to contribute 50/50, we have to make some serious lifestyle changes? NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: debt issues, financial mismanagement, mental health issues, verbal abuse Mood Spoilers: positive overall RECAP Editor's Note: the original post was saved in the previous BoRU Original Post: August 21, 2023 My (26F) fiancé (26M) sat me down yesterday and gave me a long talk about how he feels like I don't contribute enough to the household, particularly in the financial sense. I was a bit caught off guard by this, but was willing to hear him out, since he wasn't wrong. He makes a lot more than I do, and we've always split bills accordingly, which ends up being about 80% him. I asked what he wanted me to pay now, and he was adamant about it being 50/50. I asked if everything was okay with his job, or if he needed to take fewer hours, and he wouldn't answer me. I honestly wouldn't have gotten upset if there seemed like an actual reason behind it, but he just said he'd been thinking about it a lot, over and over, every time I asked what brought him to this conclusion, what was going on, and eventually he just said "this is how it's going to be, take it or leave it." Those exact words, in response to literally everything I said. Full shutdown. No explanations. I told him that was fine I'll take it, and then asked if he'd made a zillow account yet, or expected me to. He looked confused, and asked why we would need a zillow account. I explained that there's no way I can afford half rent on our current place, so we'll probably have to move into a one-bedroom apartment. He got mad and asked why I didn't have savings. I told him that I do, but I'm not paying rent out of my savings, because that's a terrible and unsustainable idea. I also began to go over what our new food budget would be, our new entertainment budget, and that we'd probably have to sell the cars and get one less expensive one because I can't afford half of the payments on an Audi and a Land Rover. Then I explained that date nights would probably have to be reduced too, and we could still do, like Buffalo Wild Wings or something, but I preferred Thursday nights because you get two orders of boneless wings for one. Basically, if he wants me to pay half, we're living within my means, not his anymore. He kind of agreed to it, but since then, he's been incredibly angry. He's not saying or doing anything, but it's like he's walking around the house in this cloud of pissed-off. I sent him six zillow listings, all of which he's called uninhabitable for various reasons, some of which I think were valid, others I disagree with. He's now saying that I'm being unfair and manipulative, and that he tried to come to me with a serious concern about our relationship and I'm making it impossible for him to talk to me, and bulldozing over him. AITA? AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Can I ask what your salary and his salary are? Like general numbers? A charitable take on his actions could be that he resents not having more money, and is trying to "inspire" you to try to up your salary or change into a more lucrative promotion/career so you can both be living the high life. He might be imaging how great it would be to have 200% of his income, instead of 120%. If that's the case, he's still going about it a shite and douchey way. Personally, I agree with many other comments re: someone has insinuated that you're a gold digger, and he was expecting you to break up with him, not problem-solve. OOP: I make around 35K a year. He makes around 120K a year. It's not like there's some magical "be rich suddenly" button I can press. I'm a preschool teacher, and I don't have a college degree, and I certainly can't afford a college degree at this point without asking for help or taking out insane loans. Commenter 2: NTA. To me, it sounds like something happened with his job and he's not able to tell you yet, for whatever reasons. I would try to have another calm chat about it with him, also showing him how much you'd be able to afford long term. Don't move forward with your plans of getting married until you both agree on your finances. OOP: I asked about the job, and he wouldn't give me a straight answer. The frustrating part is that I honestly do not mind downsizing, and if I found out tomorrow he lost a job, I'd literally be fine selling what we have and living in a trailer together off just my income, but this feels like some weird power play instead. Downvoted Commenter: I get a feeling that his aim was to try and make you more ambitious, you need to equal him in ability to pay the bills, so you need to either get a promotion or a new job paying the same as him... So NTA, but your partner is a prick for not thinking things through and trying to strong arm you into doing something without discussing it first OOP: I don't know how I'd go about doing that, all things considered. It's not like there's some magical "be rich suddenly" button I can press. I'm a preschool teacher, and I don't have a college degree, and I certainly can't afford a college degree at this point without asking for help or taking out insane loans. Downvoted Commenter 2: if you can barely afford your basic living expenses why the hell are you driving an audi (or range)? this is a classic example of lifestyle creep. if you barely make enough to contribute to rent, driving a luxury car is shameful. you’re NTA, you’re just a spoiled and unrealistic person OOP: He gave me the audi as a birthday present. It was not something I was aware of until it was in the driveway with a big pink bow and confetti. Literally like a car commercial. He's always had a bit of a flair for the dramatic. Commenter 3: NTA. What podcasts does he listen to?* OOP: I don't know in detail. Joe Rogan I'm pretty sure, and "Cumtown," and I think a guy called Sam Hyde. They're apparently funny. I don't super get that kind of humor.   Update #1: August 26, 2023 (five days later) Hi everyone! This got way bigger than intended, so I figured a follow-up was owed. So, last time I posted was Monday. Monday as a whole was spent just sorting through what I felt, and what to do next. There was a lot of silence and a lot of anger, and a LOT of reddit advice, some of which I found very insightful, some of which was less so. Also some people think I made this up as part of a viral marketing sponsorship between buffalo wild wings, audi, and zillow, which honestly would solve the money problems if true, but alas, is not the case. On Tuesday, after I got home from work, I sort of just walked up to him on the elliptical and explained as calmly as I could that I had questions, and if he actually wanted to marry me, he needed to be willing to answer them. I asked if he thought I was a gold digger, yes or no. He said yes. I told him that I wasn't willing to be in a relationship where I have to prove myself by sacrificing any sort of stability, and that led to a bit of a screaming match, and eventually, a confession. So it turns out we cannot afford anything we have right now. We are in serious credit card debt, the cars are both on the verge of being repossessed, and I did not know about any of this. He's been cutting corners on actual necessities, including psychiatric medication. That in combination with some comments from his family led him to some pretty dark places. My fiancé had a full breakdown and apologized for calling me a gold digger, which was nice to hear, but this whole thing had me pretty shaken up. I went to stay with a friend for a little bit. Yesterday, my fiancé and I did in fact go out to BWW and get the two for one boneless. We talked, a lot. I'm still writing fiancé for now, and I really hope we can work through all of this. We talked about how to sell the cars-- we don't particularly have a choice at this point-- and about my income, his income, and the sort of life we want to have. If we do stay together, we'll be changing how we live a lot. We need to get out of debt, we need to get on our feet. I know some people are gonna say I'm being dumb for not immediately dropping all contact and giving up on the relationship, but I can't do that. I can't look at the guy I love, who went off his meds to try and make a good life for me, and think he's not worth sticking around for, at least to try. I don't know what the future looks like at all anymore though, and the wedding is very postponed at the moment. Sorry this wasn't a more fun update. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: OP, has he come clean to you about what got you guys so deep in the hole? For it to get to the brink it did, lifts more red flags in the air. He could be coping with an addiction problem, or something else that could destroy your life. You have got to figure this out ASAP. Please don't make any wedding plans; this is not the man you wanted to marry.* OOP: He has. It's not gambling or drugs, like a lot of people are saying. It's an addiction to nice things. He's got a lot of financial hangups, and comes from a family that replaced love with money, so he got it in his head that the only way to show love was to provide a very fancy sort of lifestyle, which was way over budget for us. It's going to be a hard pill to swallow, cutting back on everything, but it's what has to happen. Additional Comments from OOP OOP: I didn't write everything out in this post, but we did go over how the debt got this bad, and I'm currently aware of pretty much everything. There are some accounts I still need to look at this weekend, but for the most part it's all above board at this point. We're definitely looking at the relationship, and I'm going to be taking a much more active role in life planning if we do continue. + The wedding is on pause for an unknown amount of time. I'm already looking into places I can afford, and will probably end up renting a trailer. And no, I'm not lying for him. I told him point blank that hiding this stuff is what got us into this mess, and he's not going to be able to keep it under wraps if he wants to stay with me. We need to be up front about our financial situation, whether he's embarrassed or not. + I think that with some hard work, we'll both end up in a better position. We need to get out of debt, and I'm taking the reins for a bit since he's never lived frugally before, but if all goes well, we'll get through this. + I don't plan to leave if he sticks to what we're talking about and actually takes steps forward. I love this man, and I'll fight for what we have. If he won't fix things, won't listen, and continues to disrespect me, I'm gone, but I genuinely believe we will get through this. I know he can do better, and I believe he wants to. Now he has to prove it. Commenter 2: Don't gloss over the comments from family. If you marry him, you're marrying them too. If they're generally toxic to his mental health, you need to talk about whether NC is necessary. If not, he has some serious repair work to do to fix the impression they have of you. Or has to take on the job of shielding you from their bs. OOP: His family don't like me for a number of reasons. They don't like that I don't have a college degree, they don't like that I grew up low-income or went to public school, and they don't approve at all of the fact that I'm religious. His mother in particular has called me a hick, a redneck, and several other things I won't put down here. Up until this point, though, he's been pretty good about defending me.   Good Things About My Fiancé: August 26, 2023 (same day) Recovered via Arctic Shift: Recovered Pretty as fuck. This is the most physically attractive man I have ever met. Literal golden curls like a da Vinci painting, crystal blue eyes, just so pretty it gives me butterflies whenever he looks at me sometimes. Best I've ever had in bed. Very good at just about anything, actually likes going down on me, and makes me see stars. I have never been in a relationship that was as sexually satisfying as this one, and there's no way I'm going back after this. His voice is very sexy. Especially when he speaks Russian. He also speaks French, Spanish, and apparently Latin? But Russian is my favorite. Got a vasectomy so I could go off birth control. He was the one to suggest it, because he saw how much I hated those stupid pills, and he was willing to get an actual surgery for me. Full of little surprises and adventures. He's always doing things like getting me wildflowers, making my favorite breakfast before I wake up, or even planning little day adventures for us to go on together. Life is never mundane because he's always making it special. Actually does housework. Does not need to be asked to do housework. He actually does more of the cleaning than I do, and I cook most of the meals, because he thinks that sweeping and mopping floors is "meditative." I do not know how I got this lucky on this one. Plays guitar. Really, really well. It's very attractive. Can physically pick me up and carry me around and does this often. I am not a small woman, to be clear. This is legitimately impressive and makes me feel so nice. READS. I can actually talk about books!! With him!! You have no idea how rare this is, especially to find a guy who'll read anything I say "oh I liked this." You do not comprehend the feeling of mentioning offhandedly that you're reading Midnight Sun and having him come to you the next day after spending all night reading so that you could talk about it together until you live it. Has shown me that there is actual romance in life and that I deserve more than a flat boring relationship devoid of orgasms or dancing in the rain or music. He brought real passion and fun and aliveness into my life, and in a world where that's treated as an unrealistic fantasy for most women, he's shown me that I deserve something unrealistic. ----NEW UPDATE---- Update 2: May 14, 2025 (more than 20 months later) We are out of debt. It feels so, so good to say that and have it be true, but as of three days ago, everything is finally paid off and we've made our way back onto solid ground. Almost two years ago, I made a post here about my (28F) fiancé (28M) wanting to split things 50-50, and my offer of compromising on lifestyle changes. As it turned out, he was off his meds and had managed to get himself into some serious debt, a little under 100k, trying to provide a life that we could not afford on a combined 155k a year. Things were rough. I almost left him a few times. But we have finally, finally, finally made it through to the other side. I handle the finances. 100% of the finances. I give him a budget for buying coffee. It wasn't fun, but in exchange he started doing more of the housework, so it evens out. We moved from our over-the-top apartment into a shared living situation, which, while not ideal, was leagues better than my initial plan of getting a trailer. We have roommates, but they're on another floor, so it's not too bad, and we have our own bathroom which was my only real stipulation. We've lived like we're a 70k a year couple, doing actual 50-50 finances, and every extra penny he's made has gone directly to paying off the debt. We sold the cars, obviously. Traded them in for a nice used Ford Maverick and a Vespa. That helped a lot. There have been no more lavish vacations or over-the-top restaurants with $500 price tags. It was rough for my fiancé at first. He's always been very much a rich boy, and I think losing that as an identity was difficult for him. That being said-- he's gotten *so creative* lately, it's been amazing to see. He will make me things if he can't buy me things, and we've started cooking together instead of having me do almost all of it. Our room is covered in the things he's made for me, and it's really lovely. We're still in love. We're still going strong. And we can finally, finally, finally start actually planning our wedding again. We're gonna get our own place first, but the wedding is next on the list after that. I'm so glad that we stuck with this, and being on the other side is the greatest feeling in the world. Thank you to everyone who offered advice. submitted by

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/catdog_XXII Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes WIBTA For Considering Suing My Boyfriends Friends For Destroying My Purse Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Editor’s note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability Trigger Warnings: property damage, manipulation, misogyny, sexual harassment Original Post: April 16, 2025 I’ll try to keep it short and sweet. I recently bought an authentic designer purse. I realize the privilege I have to do so, but I work an extremely demanding job that requires I work very long hours and get compensated well to do so. It’s something I’ve wanted my entire life and I’ve finally reached a point where I can afford to do it. Not super relevant, but I grew up poor so in a way it was cathartic to me to buy something frivolous that I really wanted which is partially why it means so much to me. I’ve had this purse less than a month and have only worn it out twice, once to a work event and once to a nice dinner we went on with my boyfriend and his friends this last weekend. We were hanging out at my boyfriends friends house after the dinner and I hung my purse on the chair behind me. At this point I trusted everyone in the house and wasn’t really concerned about it. We’ve all been hanging out for years now. We moved to another room right next to the one we were in to play a game. When I came back, my purse was right where I left it. When we left for the night, I grabbed it and thought it felt heavier but didn’t look inside of it until I went to unload it when we got home. For some reason, someone thought it would be funny to put uncovered RED JELLO SHOTS into my purse with WHITE interior where they proceeded to leak. The entire inside was stained a splotchy pink shade and to say I was livid is an understatement. We’re all between 30-60 (we have some older folks that are family friends of people in the group that hang out with us sometimes), so everyone is old enough to not do something so stupid. I attempted to clean it to no avail. My boyfriend reached out to the group chat that has about half of his friends in it and asked if anyone knew who had done it. One person admitted they saw someone do it and told us who. It was one of the older members of the group who is known for messing with peoples belongings, but never to this degree. For example, when we went swimming last summer he filled the pockets of my shorts up with Chex mix. It was annoying but didn’t really damage anything. Also no one really finds his antics funny. In my opinion it’s common sense to refrain from putting red goo (that turns liquidy when warm) into a white bag, but he claims that he was just being funny and didn’t think they would leak. I asked him for money to either repair the bag or replace it and he claims he does not have that much money. He says the bag “looked cheap” so he didn’t think it would be a big deal even if the shots had leaked. I know that he has ample assets (multiple sports cars, a million-dollar home, etc.) and can find a way to compensate me for what he had damaged. When I pointed this out, he told me that it was MY fault for bringing around an expensive bag and that something could’ve easily been spilled on it instead. While I would’ve been upset if that had been the case obviously, I wouldn’t have been anywhere near as upset because this had been done INTENTIONALLY and is now being blamed on me. I can take responsibility and say I shouldn’t have left it out of my sight, but I knew no one in the house would steal it or the contents in it and I never would’ve thought someone would fill it with sticky red goo regardless of how expensive or cheap it was. I told him that he needed to find the money or I would be suing him for the damages and a couple people in the group think I’m going too far. My boyfriend is thankfully as angry as I am and I don’t want this situation to come at the cost of any of his friendships, but I also want compensated for my property that I worked my butt off for. WIBTA if I take legal action, or should I try some other method to recoup my losses? I personally don’t think so because this wasn’t an accident, but some people seem to think I’m going too nuclear. Update: I had my appointment to have the bag looked at. They would be able to mostly repair it, however it’s likely that the liquid seeped through the lining and may have damaged the bag beyond repair. They wouldn’t know until they really got into it. Even so, the smell of crusty old jello and liquor would likely linger and deteriorate any resell value the purse may have in the future. For these reasons, I will be going after him for the entire value of the purse. Thank you to the person who mentioned that this could hurt resell value in the future, I didn’t even think of this. I asked the person that looked at it and she told me the severity of the staining and odor definitely would. Thankfully it is not a limited edition bag and I can currently buy a new one. Hopeful that this doesn’t change anytime soon as I really loved my bag. I am going to reach out to my attorney in the morning to see if he can help me or refer me to someone who can. I can update again with what they say, but I am pretty sure I have a strong leg to stand on. To answer some common questions: 1) Why don’t I kick this guy from the friend group? Easiest answer here is that it isn’t my friend group. This man is a family friend of one of my boyfriends friends. He truthfully isn’t around much, but it seems like whenever he is he causes problems so I’m not sure why he is still invited, even occasionally. My boyfriend and I made it clear we would never be in the same place as him ever again, which kind of puts the ball in everyone else’s court. 2) Does he not like you or does he torment everyone? He has a weird fixation with me mostly, but he does also torment most of the women in the group. I mentioned this in the comments but it may have gotten buried, but during my first interaction with him I had left my phone out while I had quickly gone to the bathroom. At some point he snatched my phone up, went SOMEWHERE else in the house, took a picture of his butthole, and replaced my phone in the same spot. I found the picture a few hours later when I opened my camera roll to show someone my dog and my boyfriend asked me horrified why I had a hairy butthole in my phone. I was mortified and had no explanation and it wasn’t until this man was hammered that he admitted he did it. We were all disgusted and he stopped being invited for awhile because my boyfriend refused to be around him. Last year he started being invited again and immediately started “pranking” me in harmless ways. He liked to do this with new girlfriends especially I noticed and I am one of the newest in the friend group (even though it’s been a few years now). One of my boyfriends friends started dating a new girl and she got a similar treatment, but nothing as severe. He really likes to tamper with our clothes mostly. I don’t know what the motive is, but he doesn’t usually mess with the guys, just the women. 3) Did he steal anything? No. As I had mentioned he’s wealthy and I don’t think he’d really do anything like that, he doesn’t seem like the type to get a thrill from theft, rather he wants to annoy women. I only kept my credit card, a small amount of cash, car keys, and a sentimental keychain in the bag. Everything was sticky and coated in goo, but everything was also there. Small Edit: A lot of people have taken to accusing my boyfriend of some nasty things; setting this up, not defending me, being “spineless”, etc. I just wanted to take a second to say none of this is true and is mentioned throughout the post. The first instance of this man being weird, my boyfriend screamed at him about how what he had done to me was awful whether or not he saw it as a “joke”. We left immediately after and he told his friends that he did not want to be invited when that man was around. It took several years for it to blow over and for his friends to attempt to have us all together again for a birthday party. My boyfriend made it clear that if he ever did anything to harm me again that would be it, and he promised he wouldn’t. After all of that situation the offender did calm down towards me A LOT until now, which is why I didn’t feel that worried about him and was comfortable leaving my purse out of my sight for 30 minutes. My boyfriend not physically assaulting this man isn’t him being spineless, it’s him being mature and realizing that hurting him was only going to result in him getting charges that would impact his career and life. Now that this has all happened, my boyfriend HAS defended me and said we will do everything we need to in order to get me a new purse. It was ME that was worried about it causing him to lose friends, as I know this group is very important to him. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I would likely go to small claims over this since he obviously can pay. He’s a damn adult responsible for his actions. I think it’s relevant to know the amount you’re talking about. Designer could be $300 or $3000, or much more. NTA. OOP: It was $2,800. My understanding is if it can be cleaned costs would be around $400, if it cannot repairs could be anywhere from $700- it just needing to be replaced. I am taking it in to be looked at tonight and I’ll have a more solid answer. Commenter 2: NTA what kind of grown man still plays pranks on people and if you’re going to play some kind of dumb destructive prank at least have the decency to back it up if you ruin something that belongs to someone what if they had spilled all over the interior of your car? OOP: I’m shocked it didn’t because they were borderline liquid by the time I found them. The fact it didn’t soak through to the exterior of the bag or on the friends furniture or in our car is shocking, but speaks to the quality of the interior of the bag I suppose. OOP on if the guy is single and playing pranks on women only OOP: He’s married, though I’ve never met his wife so she could be made up but I doubt it. I can only assume she enjoys the money he brings in and ignores the fact that he’s a jackass. Or maybe she’s the same way. Who knows. Additional Information from OOP regarding her boyfriend OOP: Okay a lot of crazy accusations have been made about my boyfriend here, but this is the craziest. My boyfriend does not have any close relationship with this guy, let alone some secret rendezvous. I am also VERY confident that my partner isn’t gay, but even on the off chance that I somehow entirely misgauged his sexuality in the several years we’ve been together, I wouldn’t imagine he would be having a sexual relationship with an overweight, immature, stinky 50 year old man. For this theory to shake out, he must also be sleeping with another man in the friend group, as he has bullied another girlfriend in a similar manner (he had taken and hid her phone and made her think she lost it. Once she panicked for awhile searching he gave it back, other things may have happened too because we aren’t usually around when he is, but that’s one story I heard from others). This situation is obviously more extreme, but I don’t think that it was really intended to be as malicious as it was. Maybe I’m being naive, but knowing this guy I think he genuinely thought in his simple, drunken mind that they wouldn’t leak and it would be funny when I got home and found a bunch of shit in my purse, and it blew up well beyond what he thought it would and now he has to part with his money to make it right. But overall, my boyfriend has done all I’d ever expect him to. He’s freaked out on the guy whenever something happens, he’s set the firm boundary that we won’t be around if he is EVER again unless it’s in court, regardless of circumstance, and anyone whose pushed back on me taking him to court has been told it isn’t their business. At this point everyone has respectfully stepped away and left us to deal directly with him. Whether or not my boyfriend will ever forgive the people who pushed back is up to him, but relationships are strained from all of this and my relationship with my partner isn’t one of them. And I’m very confident he isn’t gay lol   Update: April 23, 2025 (one week later) For those who haven’t seen the previous post, I will give a quick summary: My boyfriends “friend” (I use this term lightly, my boyfriend never really cared for him but he was kind of in the friend group) likes to “prank” women by messing with their belongings. He put red Jell-O shots into my new designer purse, which proceeded to leak and ruin the purse. See my post history for the full run down. A lot of people asked for an update, so here it is! Update: I got a quote for repair, but it was likely futile as the smell of cheap liquor would likely remain, even if only faintly. Additionally as a kind commenter pointed out, doing so drastically effects resell value should I ever choose to sell it. For these reasons, I was pursuing him for a replacement purse. I laid all of the information out in writing to him and had my boyfriend hand deliver it to him. To summarize, I broke the cost of the replacement down to the penny and threatened legal action should he not replace what he damaged. The next day one of my boyfriends other friends showed up with a check made payable to me for the entire amount. I’m sure you all wish it was more exciting than that, but I for one am just glad it’s over. The only thing that could be seen as funny is the memo line on the check, which was “C U Next Tuesday! ;)”. Funny. I deposited the check and it cleared, so thankfully he didn’t try to play any additional games by having it bounce. I think he knew I was serious and didn’t want any more costs adding up should I take him to court. So yeah, that’s it. One other quick thing about my boyfriend since most people didn’t read the end of my OG post: People accused him of so many nasty things. Setting up the whole thing, not protecting me enough, one person even theorized that my boyfriend was having a homosexual affair with this guy. None of these things is true. My boyfriend really isn’t close with this guy. He’s been around him occasionally, but they never hang out 1v1 or talk outside of when he’s in the big group. He’s gotten into arguments with him regarding how he treated me in the past and was firm with his stance on us not being around him anymore after this incident. It seems like people think that if he’s not resorting to violence, he’s a bad guy, but I personally think the opposite. We both have good careers, and him punching this guy would’ve just led to an arrest and charges and we don’t want that. My boyfriend is a great guy that stood by me and helped me with all of this and was definitely not involved. So yeah, that’s all. Thanks for following! Relevant Comments OOP and her friends should exclude the guy from their friend group OOP: This guy is no longer invited to group gatherings. A few may hang out with him 1v1, but a majority of people are outraged by his behavior. + He’s now banned from group gatherings! My boyfriend at the beginning of this said we would no longer be around him PERIOD. OOP on what brand her purse is OOP: It was a Chanel! OOP on why it took so long for the group to be able to exclude the guy from their group OOP: It really did. I talked to another girl in the group (other newest girlfriend that I had mentioned in OG post) and she said that he has been “kind of creepy towards her”. Overall, the women of the group are happy, one of the guys are bummed out that he can’t come around anymore, but they can hang out with him 1v1 if they care that much.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/TwoHotTakes by User catdog_XXII. I'm not the original poster. Status: Concluded. Mood Spoiler: Resolved/Literally no drama Original April 16, 2025 I’ll try to keep it short and sweet. I recently bought an authentic designer purse. I realize the privilege I have to do so, but I work an extremely demanding job that requires I work very long hours and get compensated well to do so. It’s something I’ve wanted my entire life and I’ve finally reached a point where I can afford to do it. Not super relevant, but I grew up poor so in a way it was cathartic to me to buy something frivolous that I really wanted which is partially why it means so much to me. I’ve had this purse less than a month and have only worn it out twice, once to a work event and once to a nice dinner we went on with my boyfriend and his friends this last weekend. We were hanging out at my boyfriends friends house after the dinner and I hung my purse on the chair behind me. At this point I trusted everyone in the house and wasn’t really concerned about it. We’ve all been hanging out for years now. We moved to another room right next to the one we were in to play a game. When I came back, my purse was right where I left it. When we left for the night, I grabbed it and thought it felt heavier but didn’t look inside of it until I went to unload it when we got home. For some reason, someone thought it would be funny to put uncovered RED JELLO SHOTS into my purse with WHITE interior where they proceeded to leak. The entire inside was stained a splotchy pink shade and to say I was livid is an understatement. We’re all between 30-60 (we have some older folks that are family friends of people in the group that hang out with us sometimes), so everyone is old enough to not do something so stupid. I attempted to clean it to no avail. My boyfriend reached out to the group chat that has about half of his friends in it and asked if anyone knew who had done it. One person admitted they saw someone do it and told us who. It was one of the older members of the group who is known for messing with peoples belongings, but never to this degree. For example, when we went swimming last summer he filled the pockets of my shorts up with Chex mix. It was annoying but didn’t really damage anything. Also no one really finds his antics funny. In my opinion it’s common sense to refrain from putting red goo (that turns liquidy when warm) into a white bag, but he claims that he was just being funny and didn’t think they would leak. I asked him for money to either repair the bag or replace it and he claims he does not have that much money. He says the bag “looked cheap” so he didn’t think it would be a big deal even if the shots had leaked. I know that he has ample assets (multiple sports cars, a million dollar home, etc.) and can find a way to compensate me for what he had damaged. When I pointed this out, he told me that it was MY fault for bringing around an expensive bag and that something could’ve easily been spilled on it instead. While I would’ve been upset if that had been the case obviously, I wouldn’t have been anywhere near as upset because this had been done INTENTIONALLY and is now being blamed on me. I can take responsibility and say I shouldn’t have left it out of my sight, but I knew no one in the house would steal it or the contents in it and I never would’ve thought someone would fill it with sticky red goo regardless of how expensive or cheap it was. I told him that he needed to find the money or I would be suing him for the damages and a couple people in the group think I’m going too far. My boyfriend is thankfully as angry as I am and I don’t want this situation to come at the cost of any of his friendships, but I also want compensated for my property that I worked my butt off for. WIBTA if I take legal action, or should I try some other method to recoup my losses? I personally don’t think so because this wasn’t an accident, but some people seem to think I’m going too nuclear. Update: April 23, 2025, 7 days later, same posting: I had my appointment to have the bag looked at. They would be able to mostly repair it, however it’s likely that the liquid seeped through the lining and may have damaged the bag beyond repair. They wouldn’t know until they really got into it. Even so, the smell of crusty old jello and liquor would likely linger and deteriorate any resell value the purse may have in the future. For these reasons, I will be going after him for the entire value of the purse. Thank you to the person who mentioned that this could hurt resell value in the future, I didn’t even think of this. I asked the person that looked at it and she told me the severity of the staining and odor definitely would. Thankfully it is not a limited edition bag and I can currently buy a new one. Hopeful that this doesn’t change anytime soon as I really loved my bag. I am going to reach out to my attorney in the morning to see if he can help me or refer me to someone who can. I can update again with what they say, but I am pretty sure I have a strong leg to stand on. To answer some common questions: Why don’t I kick this guy from the friend group? Easiest answer here is that it isn’t my friend group. This man is a family friend of one of my boyfriends friends. He truthfully isn’t around much, but it seems like whenever he is he causes problems so I’m not sure why he is still invited, even occasionally. My boyfriend and I made it clear we would never be in the same place as him ever again, which kind of puts the ball in everyone else’s court. Does he not like you or does he torment everyone? He has a weird fixation with me mostly, but he does also torment most of the women in the group. I mentioned this in the comments but it may have gotten buried, but during my first interaction with him I had left my phone out while I had quickly gone to the bathroom. At some point he snatched my phone up, went SOMEWHERE else in the house, took a picture of his butthole, and replaced my phone in the same spot. I found the picture a few hours later when I opened my camera roll to show someone my dog and my boyfriend asked me horrified why I had a hairy butthole in my phone. I was mortified and had no explanation and it wasn’t until this man was hammered that he admitted he did it. We were all disgusted and he stopped being invited for awhile because my boyfriend refused to be around him. Last year he started being invited again and immediately started “pranking” me in harmless ways. He liked to do this with new girlfriends especially I noticed and I am one of the newest in the friend group (even though it’s been a few years now). One of my boyfriends friends started dating a new girl and she got a similar treatment, but nothing as severe. He really likes to tamper with our clothes mostly. I don’t know what the motive is, but he doesn’t usually mess with the guys, just the women. Did he steal anything? No. As I had mentioned he’s wealthy and I don’t think he’d really do anything like that, he doesn’t seem like the type to get a thrill from theft, rather he wants to annoy women. I only kept my credit card, a small amount of cash, car keys, and a sentimental keychain in the bag. Everything was sticky and coated in goo, but everything was also there. Small Edit: A lot of people have taken to accusing my boyfriend of some nasty things; setting this up, not defending me, being “spineless”, etc. I just wanted to take a second to say none of this is true and is mentioned throughout the post. The first instance of this man being weird, my boyfriend screamed at him about how what he had done to me was awful whether or not he saw it as a “joke”. We left immediately after and he told his friends that he did not want to be invited when that man was around. It took several years for it to blow over and for his friends to attempt to have us all together again for a birthday party. My boyfriend made it clear that if he ever did anything to harm me again that would be it, and he promised he wouldn’t. After all of that situation the offender did calm down towards me A LOT until now, which is why I didn’t feel that worried about him and was comfortable leaving my purse out of my sight for 30 minutes. My boyfriend not physically assaulting this man isn’t him being spineless, it’s him being mature and realizing that hurting him was only going to result in him getting charges that would impact his career and life. Now that this has all happened, my boyfriend HAS defended me and said we will do everything we need to in order to get me a new purse. It was ME that was worried about it causing him to lose friends, as I know this group is very important to him. Consensus: Not the Asshole. Comments by OOP: It was $2,800. My understanding is if it can be cleaned costs would be around $400, if it cannot repairs could be anywhere from $700- it just needing to be replaced. I am taking it in to be looked at tonight and I’ll have a more solid answer. If the liquid spilled in the car I’m shocked it didn’t because they were borderline liquid by the time I found them. The fact it didn’t soak through to the exterior of the bag or on the friends furniture or in our car is shocking, but speaks to the quality of the interior of the bag I suppose. An attorney says she needs proof he did it for small claims court Would him responding to my text claiming he put “Jello Shots in A purse” suffice? He refused to acknowledge it was my specific purse via text. Just kept saying that he put them in a “cheap looking purse” and refused to acknowledge that it was mine or a brand. It’s unfortunately not my group to exclude him from, but after this I won’t be present when he is around. I’ve always felt gross about him because of his tricks. When I first started coming around I had left my phone on the table while I went to the bathroom. He had taken my phone and took a picture of his asshole with my phone for me to find later. I was disgusted, my boyfriend was pissed off, but everyone else found it funny. After that we avoided him like the plague until this last summer, where he yet again targeted me but in a much milder way. We’ve seen him once or twice since and he didn’t do anything to me or my stuff so I was hoping he had scaled back. He wasn’t supposed to be there this weekend (he wasn’t invited to the dinner) but sure enough he came after and was acting normal so I thought I was safe. Surprise. My boyfriend doesn’t even care for the guy and would never want to see something I care a lot about and spent a ton on get damaged. Somebody says the purse wasn't even that expensive since it wasn't $30000 $2,800 is a lot when you work your ass off for it. He’s married, though I’ve never met his wife so she could be made up but I doubt it. I can only assume she enjoys the money he brings in and ignores the fact that he’s a jackass. Or maybe she’s the same way. Who knows. Somebody says the boyfriend and the prankster have an affair Okay a lot of crazy accusations have been made about my boyfriend here, but this is the craziest. My boyfriend does not have any close relationship with this guy, let alone some secret rendezvous. I am also VERY confident that my partner isn’t gay, but even on the off chance that I somehow entirely misgauged his sexuality in the several years we’ve been together, I wouldn’t imagine he would be having a sexual relationship with an overweight, immature, stinky 50 year old man. For this theory to shake out, he must also be sleeping with another man in the friend group, as he has bullied another girlfriend in a similar manner (he had taken and hid her phone and made her think she lost it. Once she panicked for awhile searching he gave it back, other things may have happened too because we aren’t usually around when he is, but that’s one story I heard from others). This situation is obviously more extreme, but I don’t think that it was really intended to be as malicious as it was. Maybe I’m being naive, but knowing this guy I think he genuinely thought in his simple, drunken mind that they wouldn’t leak and it would be funny when I got home and found a bunch of shit in my purse, and it blew up well beyond what he thought it would and now he has to part with his money to make it right. But overall, my boyfriend has done all I’d ever expect him to. He’s freaked out on the guy whenever something happens, he’s set the firm boundary that we won’t be around if he is EVER again unless it’s in court, regardless of circumstance, and anyone whose pushed back on me taking him to court has been told it isn’t their business. At this point everyone has respectfully stepped away and left us to deal directly with him. Whether or not my boyfriend will ever forgive the people who pushed back is up to him, but relationships are strained from all of this and my relationship with my partner isn’t one of them. And I’m very confident he isn’t gay lol Update April 23, 2025, 7 days later For those who haven’t seen the previous post, I will give a quick summary: My boyfriends “friend” (I use this term lightly, my boyfriend never really cared for him but he was kind of in the friend group) likes to “prank” women by messing with their belongings. He put red Jell-O shots into my new designer purse, which proceeded to leak and ruin the purse. See my post history for the full run down. A lot of people asked for an update, so here it is! Update: I got a quote for repair, but it was likely futile as the smell of cheap liquor would likely remain, even if only faintly. Additionally as a kind commenter pointed out, doing so drastically effects resell value should I ever choose to sell it. For these reasons, I was pursuing him for a replacement purse. I laid all of the information out in writing to him and had my boyfriend hand deliver it to him. To summarize, I broke the cost of the replacement down to the penny and threatened legal action should he not replace what he damaged. The next day one of my boyfriends other friends showed up with a check made payable to me for the entire amount. I’m sure you all wish it was more exciting than that, but I for one am just glad it’s over. The only thing that could be seen as funny is the memo line on the check, which was “C U Next Tuesday! ;)”. Funny. I deposited the check and it cleared, so thankfully he didn’t try to play any additional games by having it bounce. I think he knew I was serious and didn’t want any more costs adding up should I take him to court. So yeah, that’s it. One other quick thing about my boyfriend since most people didn’t read the end of my OG post: People accused him of so many nasty things. Setting up the whole thing, not protecting me enough, one person even theorized that my boyfriend was having a homosexual affair with this guy. None of these things is true. My boyfriend really isn’t close with this guy. He’s been around him occasionally, but they never hang out 1v1 or talk outside of when he’s in the big group. He’s gotten into arguments with him regarding how he treated me in the past and was firm with his stance on us not being around him anymore after this incident. It seems like people think that if he’s not resorting to violence, he’s a bad guy, but I personally think the opposite. We both have good careers, and him punching this guy would’ve just led to an arrest and charges and we don’t want that. My boyfriend is a great guy that stood by me and helped me with all of this and was definitely not involved. So yeah, that’s all. Thanks for following! Comments by OOP: This guy is no longer invited to group gatherings. A few may hang out with him 1v1, but a majority of people are outraged by his behavior. He’s now banned from group gatherings! My boyfriend at the beginning of this said we would no longer be around him PERIOD. If he wrote C U Next Tuesday! or the actual word He wrote the euphemism. I’m sure he thought he was being slick in more than one way. He knew we refused to see him going forward to I think saying “I’ll see you” is an insult in and of itself. It was a Chanel! I'm not the original poster. submitted by /u/Schattenspringer to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/historymetalhead13 Originally posted to r/AITAH Previous BoRUs: 1 [New Update]: Would I be the AH if I don't forgive my "SIL" for a fucked up joke she said NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH --------- Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: racism, verbal abuse, physical violence Mood Spoilers: frustrating RECAP Original Post: March 20, 2025 To give y'all a bit of background, I (30F) moved to the UK nearly 7 years ago from the US. I was able to get a UK passport from my father who immigrated to the US where he met my mother. She actually fled to the US from South America. After university, I decided to live and travel throughout Asia and the Middle East for a few years teaching English in poor (and sometimes dangerous) areas before I finally made the decision to go back to my roots and move to Europe for good. (All of this is important for later!) 4 years in, I met the love of my life and we got married. We decided to buy a house in the countryside and as we are getting things ready with the mortgage his family was kind enough to let us move in to their home for the time being. This was a massive change for me but I didn't care as I grew to be a part of his family including his only brother, Matt, who I consider to be the brother I never had. My husband and I were there whenever Matt went through breakups and gave him dating advice whenever he was seeing someone new until he finally met, Vicky. When we met her we thought she was sweet, down to earth, and didn't take herself too seriously which is what Matt needed but over time she started to display questionable behaviour traits. Once at the dinner table, I said something about being Latina and she said, "well at least youre not a dirty Indian." Mind you, my husband, Matt, and I are all for some dark humor but that comment almost knocked me off my chair. In fact, I don't think we all think she said what she said because it was so out of the blue. She was obviously trying to be funny so we all laughed but it was obvious that it made us uncomfortable. Another time, I took my husband to Turkey for his birthday and I sent a video to our family group chat of him sun tanning by our hotel's pool with the sound of the call to prayer echoing from the Blue Mosque and Hagia Sofya. As a response she texted, "that sound would freak me out" clearly suggesting that it sounds like a s***ide boomer. I can see how that would fly over people's heads but I knew what she was talking about but I get it, she has never been to the Middle East so as someone who has lived there I took the time to educate her on what the call to prayer is and how it's actually beautiful. However it wasn't until yesterday when I've had enough of her closed minded remarks that she clearly tries to pass off as light hearted jokes. As I mentioned, the family has a group chat where we send memes and jokes to each other at times. As you can image, Vicky sometimes doesn't know how to read the room and sends inappropriate memes to the family and yesterday she sent a meme that was a picture of a huge group of immigrants on an inflatable raft in middle of the ocean with a caption that said, "Where's Jaws when you need him?" My husband thought it was too much and so did his mum. I, on the other hand, was like HELL TO THE ABSOLUTE AND DEFINITE FUCK NO! I was this close to going on the group chat and calling her out for the bigot she was in front of everyone but my husband stopped me so I decided to spare the drama and DM her. I told her that was a fucked up joke especially considering that SHE KNOWS that both of my parents were immigrants wherein which my mom had to flee her own country. She immediately started apologising and saying that she "didn't know" which I found hard to believe. We've known each other for a year and we've discussed this before so either she's lying or stupid. She immediately deleted the meme off the chat along with the GIF of her giggling about it as a response to my MIL reacting with a "shocked face" emoji. This morning she sent me a long paragraph about how she is upset that she upset me and that she loves me and that I'm like a sister to her. I appreciate her apologising and all but it really gives me the ick to associate with anyone who thinks it's funny to joke about wishing death upon a certain type of people. Is she that closed minded or is she that desperate for attention that she's trying to get it in the wrong way? I completely understand that she doesn't come from the same background as me or had the opportunities to travel like I did therefore it's natural to be ignorant and I don't want to fall out with Matt. And this has nothing to do with politics or anything it's just a cruel thing to say and there is such thing as a bad joke. So would I be the AH if I flat out call her a racist/bigot the next time I see her and distance myself from her or should I just accept her apology and drop it? AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP had the majority of NTAs and few YTAs Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: NTAH. Just asking, Is Vicky American, perchance? Anyway, ignore her as though you’ve accepted her weird apology. But the minute that kind of BS rolls out of her again, roll your eyes at her and tell her directly that NO ONE in the family finds that kind of “humor” at all funny so please…..just don’t. Move the convo on quickly so she hasn’t time to be upset. OOP: Nope! British but sort of like the "redneck" version of a Brit... I was the one born and raised in the US but I've travelled and more "culturally experienced" than her... ironic isnt it? Commenter 2: You've already called her out and there is the distant chance she learned her lesson and you are going to have to be around her until they break up. Personally, I wouldn't call her out for the meme again - but STOP with the "laughing because you are uncomfortable". You've told her all along through those actions that you are ok with her passive aggressive racism. Frankly, the fact that she said "Dirty Indian" and you all said nothing because it didn't directly insult you or your family? Shame on you. But she'll do it again and you need to be ready to respond. "I'd be scared of that sound" - "Why would you be scared of that??? Explain it to me like I'm 5". (Asking why something is scary/funny/whatever when you know it is a subtle racist dig always flusters them) "Dirty Indian" - "What the fuck? That is a fucked up racist thing to say" I'd give the brother a heads up that you are embarrassed that you let it slide until now and you are no longer tolerating it. Frankly, the fact that he's with someone like that makes me think he's racist too. I wouldnt' share a cup of coffee with someone like that, let alone sleep with them. Commenter 3: She's also self-absorbed and clueless. She doesn't think of others before blurting out whatever stupid, offensive thought pops into her mind. She's in her own bubble. Hopefully she won't make the same mistake again, but if she does, feel free to tell her, "Vicky, dear, please think before you blurt out inappropriate jokes/comments".   Update: March 31, 2025 (11 days later) Last I left it, I said that Vicky sent a long paragraph with a dramatic apology saying that I am "like a sister to her" but after reading a few comments I realised a few point: first off, how can she consider me as "a sister" when she clearly doesn't know me and never even cared to know me. Secondly, Vicky is only apologising because she got called out and NOT because she realised that the meme she sent was out of line. I could probably forgive her if this was an isolated incident but it wasn't. As I mentioned, she made racist comments twice before but never got called out for it and now that she has she's all of a sudden apologetic? If no one have ever said anything I guarantee she would still think those kind of jokes are okay. I ignored her apology at first but when Sunday came around and she and Matt were planning to come for our family dinner day she texted me again asking if "we are okay" and the only reply I could give her was, "I accept your apology...put it that way." It didn't take long for her to cry to Matt about it who then called his mother to bitch about how mean I was being and how they are "scared" to come to dinner for fear of what I might say or stir up a bad atmosphere. I told my husband to explain to his mother that I am not one to cause a show especially in their house that they were so gracious to let us stay in while we were moving house. I have accepted Vicky's apology and will be "civil" meaning if she wants to speak to me I will listen and answer but I will NOT go out of my way to speak to her. My husband and I were out for a bit seeing a friend for a bit before we had our family dinner. When we came back there was Matt and Vicky sitting on the couch. The moment I walked in Matt had this uncomfortable smirk on this face. The kind of smirk you make when someone you hate walks in to the room and makes eye contact with you and you have to be "nice" about it. Vicky gave me a "hi" in the voice of a mouse and immediately started having a staring contest with the floor which was fine considering I made ZERO eye contact with her throughout the whole evening. When we were at the table I was chatty and made it out to seem that I was unbothered meanwhile Vicky was across the table acting all quiet and sad and making the situation awkward. Eventually, she texted Matt under the table saying that she wanted to leave once dinner was finished. Mom and Dad knew the reason why Vicky and Matt left so quickly and they became upset. They had a go at my husband about why I can't "let it go" and how I was the one that made Vicky uncomfortable with the way I did not speak let alone look at her once the entire time. I defended myself to my husband saying that she and Matt were the ones that made it awkward from the second I walked into the room. Not to mention that if Vicky truly wanted to square things away she should've pulled me aside to talk instead of thinking that things are gonna be easily settled through a text message. I always found her to be the type that constantly plays the victim but now I feel like she's trying to rope the family into thinking that I am the AH just because I refuse to let a "stupid joke" that was a "mistake" to post slide and play nice for the sake of peace in the family. Now, I don't know what to do as everyone in the family is thinking that it is up to me to fix this even though I wasn't the one who stupidly posted a shitty joke on the family group chat. Top Comments Commenter 1: To reinforce, you're NTA. Vicky's playing the victim because now she knows you won't let her get away with her stupid remarks anymore. If your in-laws engage you directly over this, explain again to them that you will be civil to Vicky and any silent tantrum her and Matt cause over you not being buddy-buddy with her while she acts like this is on those two and not you. You might want to also ask them that if Vicky was making horrible remarks about something personal to them or their family backgrounds, would they just 'let it slide' for the sake of now-uncomfortable family peace. Commenter 2: NTA. Vicky is evil. She knows exactly what she's doing. She's extremely manipulative. Your husband's family is going to be in a world of hurt as long as Vicky is allowed to play family members against each other. She's already managed to isolate you and make them believe that it's ALL up to YOU to make your relationship work. She's playing the "long" game. Don't play. Step away from her and Matt. Learn to gray rock. Continue to be civil. Have a serious discussion with your husband about all of this. You and he may consider having a meeting with his parents. Write down past instances of her putting you down and how it makes you feel. Your ILs don't want to "rock the boat" for whatever reason.....and I can't think of any reason unless they're afraid to lose Matt (who is eating up the BS). They really need their eyes open to how evil Vicky is. Don't go to ILs if she and Matt are there.   ----NEW UPDATE---- *Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability Trigger Warnings: verbal abuse Update #2: April 14, 2025 (two weeks later) Well, well, well, yall! I am finally back with a final update and good lord did shit hit the fan! I was hoping that I could continue to keep Vicky at arms length and she would eventually get used to it but after what happened I am gonna need some advice on what to do going forward until the day Matt FINALLY opens his eyes and realises who he's dating! Right after that Sunday dinner when Vicky made an awkward scene in front of the whole household, my in-laws voiced their disappointment in me to my husband for being so harsh. Again, all I did was not acknowledge Vicky and kept my distance. Side note: there have been some of you in the comments questioning my husband's reaction to this whole thing and I want to make this absolutely clear: my husband has been defending me from the very beginning! He always agreed that the joke she made was completely out of line and that Vicky is the type that doesn't know the difference between being funny and being inappropriate, especially around his parents. In fact, I actually felt bad because although his parents were angry with me they took it out on my husband as if he had any part to play in this. Despite that, he fiercely defended me by explaining in full detail about my family's history as immigrants and even told them the story of how my mother had to flee her country and be separated from her family (which is something I never explained to my in laws). He also pointed out that not only is this not the first time Vicky has said something racist but she builds her entire personality on being inappropriate and that his parents has seen her behaviour for themselves. Therefore, I should not be forced to interact with her (especially on her terms) when she makes me feel uncomfortable. What's more, my husband pointed out how I was the chatty one meanwhile Vicky didn't say a word the entire dinner and made Matt leave dinner early with her SIMPLY because I didn't look at her. In fact, my husband's exact words to my in laws were, "and what if she did look at Vicky? Then Vicky would've complained that she was giving her nasty looks. Besides, is that ALL she has to complain about? Because she didn't look at her?" All four of us dropped it and moved on until Sunday came around again... It happened to be Mother's Day in the UK so for the sake of my Mother-in-law, I was going to make myself EXTRA chatty at dinner and not make it obvious that I was still stone walling Vicky. My husband is a personal trainer so he had a few clients to train but was going to return in time for dinner. I decided to pass the time by getting a head start on my work and stayed in our room working on my laptop with my airpods blasting in my ears. Around early afternoon, I received yet another text from Vicky saying that she and Matt are coming to dinner and that she's looking forward to seeing me. I left her on "read" and continued my work. Dinner usually starts at 7pm and Matt and Vicky usually turn up an hour to 30 minutes before. Unbeknownst to me, Matt and Vicky decided to show up at 4pm. After a few hours, I came downstairs to check if my MIL needed a hand I was surprised to see Vicky and Matt already sitting at the table. When I asked if they had just arrived, Matt replied that they arrived hours ago. I then turned my attention to grandma to say hello and at the corner of my eye I saw Vicky and Matt looking at each other awkwardly. At this point, I was just gonna let Vicky play the victim card until she made herself look pathetic while I act completely normal. The entire dinner was great as we all laughed and talked just like we always have ....but then we finished dessert and that's when Vicky spoke up and said, "I think it's time we address the elephant in the room." The whole table went silent and I took a massive swig of my wine because I knew what was coming and I started to seethe. Seething at how she was about to force me to be nice to her by guilt tripping and embarrass me in front of everyone. Seething at how she would rather cause a scene at the table on Mother's Day instead of taking the 3 HOURS that she had when she arrived to pucker up the courage to come upstairs and knock on my door to talk about "this elephant" in private. Most importantly, I was seething at how she was about to play the victim over something SHE DID. I gave her a chance though. A chance to correct herself by saying, "you really wanna do this here?" She insisted because the way I told her "I accept the apology...put it that way" and me ignoring her texts was "immature". That's when the wine I just down kicked in and I let her have it: Me: "I'm sorry do you expect me to invite you for bottomless brunch dates and sleepovers now?" Vicky: "I didn't say that we have to do those things. You have been ignoring my texts and you wont even look at me" Me: "Okay but here's the thing, sweetie, you do NOT get to post offensive jokes that YOU KNOW FULL WELL is offensive and then act all shocked when someone gets offended. You can apologise all you want but at the end of the day we both know that you're ONLY sorry because you got called out for being out of line and NOT because you knew how inappropriate that joke was because you wouldn't have posted it in the first place." Vicky: I had no idea that joke was going to offend you! I had no idea your parents were immigrants!" Me: "Oh so I have to disclose to you that my parents were immigrants in order for you to understand that finding humour in wishing death upon people is wrong?" Vicky: "Why are you being like this? It was never my intention to hurt you. I am not an asshole. But you are deliberately ignoring me. You have been upstairs the whole time we've been here and you didn't bother to come down and say hello" Me: "How funny considering I had no idea yall got here so early but YOU KNEW I was upstairs and the whole time YOU bother to come upstairs to speak to me? Youre the one that screwed up therefore it is not MY responsibility to seek you out and speak to you. But you already know that which is why you're NOW asking me to talk...right here...at this dinner table...in front of an audience...on Mother's Day. You just want an audience so you can play the victim." Vicky: "Oh Fuck off!" At that point my MIL stood up and told us both to shut up and stop bickering then ran upstairs to cry. There was a brief silence after we heard her bedroom door slam and all I could say was, "well, congratulations, Vicky! You ruined Mother's Day. I hope this show you created was worth it." Vicky then got out of her seat and ran to the back garden to cry with Matt running after her. My husband just looked at me stunned at what happened but I was relieved when he took my hand because I knew he was still on my side. MIL managed to calm down and came back downstairs. Bless her, she said that I was the best thing that has ever happened to her son and she loves me but she doesn't want this to cause a wedge between her two sons. I assured her that I had dropped this since the day I wrote to her saying that I accepted her apology so I don't know why she had to take it to that level. MIL then said that she wants our dinners to go back to how they were before all this and not have any tensions to which I reiterated that I never did anything to cause tensions. Out of nowhere, FIL screamed out while looking at my husband dead in the eyes, "YOU NEED TO STOP THIS!" and smashed a wine glass on the table. I then ran upstairs and started packing my stuff. It's one thing for being reprimanded for something I did not cause and standing up against bad behaviour but to see my husband catching blame for something that has nothing to do with him made me sick. If anything FIL should've directed that anger towards Matt for not controlling his troll of a gf to shut her mouth in the first place. Husband begged me not to go but I just couldn't bare to be around his parents with this sort of bad atmosphere hanging over us. I left in a hurry and stayed in an Airbnb near my office. As of now, I am staying with a friend until the process for getting our house is finalised. Husband keeps telling me that his parents wants me to come back but I keep refusing because although it has been weeks I still feel embarrassed. So Redditors, I am left with 2 questions: Should I get over what happened and go back? MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION: It's clear that Matt doesn't have the spine to break up with Vicky even after witnessing her obsession for drama therefore how am I supposed to interact with Vicky whenever I have to see her again? I was planning to continue giving her the cold shoulder and not talking to her or looking at her like before but husband pointed out that she will want me to do that because then she can use that as ammo against me. She will try to test my damn patience and bait me into making her look like the poor victim... I don't want that bitch to win! How should I do it? Relevant Comments Commenter 1: How can your husband stay there after his own father smashed a wine glass? Did FIL even apologise to any of you? Yeah I understand you think he's being supportive of you by standing with you, but is he really? Or is he playing both teams? I wouldn't stay if my parents were blaming my husband over something like this. And I'm sure my husband wouldn't stay either if my FIL did this kind of weird power move. OOP: He's in a terrible position because it's his family who has been caught up in this drama that Vicky started. They don't know how to react and I guess they are trying to not risk playing favourites. The last thing I wanna do is be a Meghan Markle and tear him away from his family. Commenter 2: Stop saying inappropriate when you mean racist. Not using the word is allowing everyone to pretend they don't understand what's wrong here. And please recognise that your husband's parents are NOT on your side. They are not telling the racist person off. They are telling YOU and your husband off for refusing to let the racist treat you badly. And once again, your husband should be ashamed of himself for doing nothing. You can defend him, but he is still doing nothing. He hasn't even left their house when they are violent in front of you, and violent in response to your behaviour. He should have shut all of this down a long time ago, and he chose not to. Your MIL is telling you she doesn't want a wedge between her sons because she wants YOU to submit to this abuse. Quite frankly, you're being naive and way too forgiving of these people. They are NOT on your side, none of them. Do not go back to that house. The moment your FIL threw a wine glass was the end of you ever living with them. The moment they started applying pressure to you to stop acknowledging how racist Vicky is was the end of the relationship you had with these people. Stop minimising how badly ALL of them are treating you. Your husband included. Grow a spine. OOP: I'm saying "inappropriate" because there were other things she has said that weren't JUST racist. My husband DID do something... he defended me to his parents even when they were angry with him MORE THAN ONCE. He did shut it down and Vicky powered it back up. Most men wouldn't even bother and how many times we as women have complained about men not even bothering to go to bat for us when we need them? In fact, most men would get angry at their women if they were unwillingly roped into drama that has nothing to do with them. When the time comes for us to finally move out of their home (which is soon) we will diminsh contact with his parents and cut contact with Matt until he breaks up with Vicky...what more do you expect him to do? Commenter 3: Sooooooo Vicky isn’t just the problem here. This is a really toxic family dynamic. Your FIL smashing a glass because there is tension due to a disagreement is not okay. It sounds like the family wants to sweep things under the rug for the sake of looking like you are a happy family. I would be leery about what is happening. You shouldn’t have to be friends with your SIL. Some people can just not like eachother and it shouldn’t ruin everyone’s life the way it is. I think you and your husband should go to therapy to work out a game plan to deal with his family. OOP: Believe me, I do not want to be friends with Vicky but she is definitely gonna try to interact with me in front of everyone the next time we see each other in the hopes that I will give her the cold shoulder and she can cry to everyone for sympathy. That's the part where I'm like, I don't know what to do. Commenter 4: I would have a word with FIL about disrespecting my husband before I ever set foot in his house again. Slamming a wine glass over someone else's bad behavior? Nope, nope, nope. And why isn't your husband staying with you at the airbnb? OOP: 2 reasons: 1) He wanted to come with me but I told him not to as I felt so guilty to even look at him because I felt somewhat responsible for taking the fall for all of this. 2) I went to an airbnb all the way out in the city (40km away) to be next to my office meanwhile his clients are closer to where we're already staying and I am not about to let my husband drive 40km back and forth for god knows how long just because of this BS Vicky caused.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

**I am NOT OP. The OP of this story is u/throwaway022411111.** Trigger Warnings: Misandry. This has previously been posted to BORU here. AITA for objecting to 'girls day'?, Posted February 25th, 2019. I'm a 28 y/o male and my immediate family is all women, mostly this is because I was raised by my mother and have no contact with my father's side of the family due to a messy divorce when I was young. My two sisters (early 30s), my three aunts (two who are my mother's sisters and one married in to the family and married my aunt), and they have an assortment of close friends of the family all of which are women that also go to these events. About 3 years ago, my mother had an idea to do a 'girls only' weekend. Originally this was to see one of the Magic Mike movies, and because it was such a hit they started to do these weekend outings once or twice a month. Originally it didn't bother me, because I'm an adult and I have my own life, and my own house, and I really didn't even think about it. But an incident recently made me annoyed at the whole concept. My aunt's birthday was in January and normally we go to her favorite restaurant for her birthday, which also incidentally is my favorite restaurant. So I bought her a present and a card, and waited for an invitation and none came. When I asked what was going on for her birthday, I was told they celebrated it early on their girls day because she was going to be out of state during her birthday. This kind of irked me because when I mentioned I bought her a present my mother told me to just drive over to her house and give it to her. I felt pretty left out since I am the only male in my immediately family, having a 'girls day' is the equivalent to saying 'hey let's celebrate my birthday but not invite him'. I griped about and was told that I was basically being self centered and that she can celebrate her birthday however she wants. I agree with that, but once again, I'm the only one being left out and it feels shitty. The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back was I was just also just informed that they were planning a summer vacation this year as 'girls only' too, and when I asked my mother what about the vacation we normally take as a family, she told me that they can't afford to do both so they are just doing the girls only vacation this year. At this point I was VERY annoyed and had a loud argument with my mother and sister, telling them that it's really shitty that twice a month they have group activities and specifically exclude me, and on top of that are now even taking vacations and excluding me. Nothing came of the argument and they wouldn't budge, so I decided I needed a break from my immediate family because they don't consider my feelings relevant. So I removed myself from the family group chat and deactivated my Facebook. Now my phone is being blown up and I'm being told that I'm immature and I need to grow up. I responded that a lot of grown people don't see much of their family at all and I'm just going to follow that example. Am I the asshole here? Verdict: NTA. Relevant Comments: (This Comment has been downvoted.) YTA I initially thought NAH, since it's natural to want to be included in family events. But instead of having a calm discussion with our family about how you were feeling left out, you had a "loud argument" (I'm going to read that as yelling) and assumed that their girls' day events were created to exclude you. And now you're throwing a tantrum but removing yourself from the groupchat and facebook? Grow up. I understand feeling left out, but your reaction was completely unreasonable. It's interesting that you are reading into the fact that it became a loud argument that it was my fault. I didn't get loud, they did. But I'm not going to be yelled at and called a child and just walk away. It seems like you are reading the worst intentions into my actions but excusing theirs. (This comment has been downvoted.) YTA. Are none of these sisters or aunt's married? Cause if any are then you are not the only male excluded. You are a grown ass man acting like a child. The vacation one I kind of understand being upset, but otherwise you are overreacting. My mother is single, my aunt is single, my other aunt is a lesbian and has a wife. My sisters are single (one of them is casually dating but not 'official'). These are the people I am closest to, and it is literally a matter of all of my immediate family are doing something fun a couple of times a month, and due to my gender I'm excluded. How is that cool? The last time I did anything with my family together as a group was Thanksgiving, meanwhile I read all day in the family group chat about how fun it was to go to the Zoo, how they just love that restaurant they went to last weekend, etc. According to you, I shouldn't feel left out and I'm overreacting for feeling that way? DELETED COMMENT. "Family vacations can be great, and it can hurt to not be included, but we are not entitled to it." But that's just the thing, ever since I was a kid these vacations were family vacations, we rented out the same beach house, we spent time together for a week and bonded. And now I'm being told, oh we're still doing the same thing, you just can't come. "Question: have you ever attempted to host or organize a get-together with your family?" Absolutely, I have get togethers with them (my mother and sisters) probably once every 2-3 months and always at my invitation when their schedules permit (which they often don't). My issue is that the invitations never come the other direction. It seems like all of their spare time is now 'girls only' and they are busy otherwise. "And of course, if this really hurts you, there is an appropriate, calm, and respectful way to bring it up to your family.... but your current reactions such as having a screaming match ("loud argument") with your family is not it." My conversation was calm and respectful, until my sisters and mother ganged up on me and told me I was being an asshole for having a problem with being excluded. I only got loud when they got loud, when someone yells at you do you immediately walk away or defend yourself? NTA maybe if you weren’t the only male in the family, I could see their position but like you said it feels like you’re personally being excluded. The vacation really crosses the line. It makes me wonder about your relationship with them. Have you been close prior to all this and this “girls day” thing just got out of control? Or have there been conflicts before and they are handling it immaturely? Yelling at them won’t change their minds, and to be honest I’m not sure what will, but try to be calm and responsibly explain how they are making you feel and why logically there is no need to have a girls only vacation (or birthday celebrations) when that just means excluding you. I’m not totally against them doing their girls days sometimes, but it doesn’t seem like they are taking you into account at all. I'm very conflict free and low maintenance as a person in general, my mother and sisters always tell me that if I get any more laid back I'll be laying down. This argument with them was actually extremely out of character. My sisters and mother on the other hand ALWAYS have drama with each other. And despite their drama, they always seem to patch it up and still do things together. I feel like the only person who isn't causing drama is me, and I'm also the only person not invited. I'm not sure if I explained correctly but these events happen multiple times a month, and at this point the only time I'm ever included in celebrations in events is holidays. Also in regards to if we are close, I feel like we're about as close as is normal. I wouldn't say I confide in my mothers or sisters greatly, mostly because they are kind of gossips and if you tell one suddenly the whole family will be discussing your issues. I don't think I've done anything to cause issues but I'll think about it and see if I can remember anything. so then they think you are a pushover. anyways you're NTA, what kind of family isolates one member like that The funny thing is, I got a significant raise in the last few years and I make a good deal more money than my mom and sisters due to my profession having high earning potential. I was going to pay for the beach rental this year as a treat, if I'm not invited I'm definitely not paying. I guess I'll find somewhere I want to go and see if one of my buddies wants to come along. DELETED COMMENT. I definitely have done that so you might be on to something. I try not to shame them for it, but I have noped out of a conversation before when it suddenly shifted gears and they were talking about one of our family friends who is worried about cheating in her relationship. I was just sitting there thinking, I definitely don't think she'd be happy knowing you were discussing this when she told you in confidence. They're the assholes for not allowing op to feel like a girl for a day Accurate. Take my dude to a spa day, geez. That's just the thing, I wouldn't even want to go to a spa day, and I am glad they've never tried to get me to go. But when you have an event that 12 months ago was a family event, and it's the same venue as last year, the same occasion as last year, the only difference is I'm not invited because I'm a dude. Not only does it strike me as shitty, it's also just weird. What the hell are they doing that's gender specific when they are eating Italian food? Update:AITA for objecting to 'girls day'?, Posted March 31st, 2019. Hello, This is an update to my previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/au9bhn/aita_for_objecting_to_girls_day/ This last month has been kind of wild for me so I haven't had an opportunity to update this until now. So the descriptions of my family and my family situation in this thread was specific enough that one of my family members found out about it and confronted me. Due to the fact that I had deactivated my Facebook and was only receiving text messages, I didn't realize what was happening before I was ambushed by it. My sister (oldest) confronted me about it and asked if it was me who made the thread and I confirmed that it was. And she insisted I was being shitty for airing the family's laundry like that. I responded that I in no way did that as I was speaking very generally and never identified who my family was. This spread to my family and now the thread was shared on Facebook and everyone was shown. I was invited to a family meeting (we never have those) where I was sat in front of a firing squad of angry women who told me that what I did was wrong and demanded an apology. They said that 'I knew' they weren't excluding me and because I gave everyone that impression I owed them an apology. I replied that I absolutely did NOT know they were not excluding me, and included examples of things they did (such as the birthday dinner, going to an amusement park, and going to a baseball game). Once again they characterized this as a girls only event of fun where boys just weren't allowed or welcome because they wanted to talk about things guys wouldn't be interested in. I replied that she needs to stop saying 'guys' because there is only one guy who would have been invited and that's me, so what she's really saying it its a no-OP event, not a girls only event. They explained that it wasn't excluding me because regardless of whether I was interested in the event the conversation would have bored me because I'm not a girl. At this point we were going around in circles so I just explained my perspective, I said that I'm the only male in our immediate family, when the people in my immediate family get together on a regular basis (not a one off or once in a while) and don't include me, regardless of what they called it I feel excluded. I explained that the breaking point was the family vacation, and that there was absolutely no reason to leave me out of a vacation I was always invited to, particularly when that's the only family vacation we do and they've stated they cannot afford a second one. At the end of this family meeting, I was never given an apology, no one tried to empathize with my perspective, and I was accused of many things that I didn't do by any reasonable interpretation. I told my mother and my sisters that we reached a breaking point in our relationship and that I was going no contact for a while. I told them I'm an adult, and I have my own life, and the reason I wanted to be involved was because I didn't want one of those family relationships where you only see your family at holidays. If that's not what my family wants then it's okay, but I told them that I was not going to be involved with people who made me feel shitty and intentionally leave me on the outside looking in of my own family. My mother/sisters told me that if I was going to lie about them to everyone that they don't care. At this point, my relationship with my family is over, I left that family meeting and have not reactivated Facebook and have not received any contact and have not initiated any contact. Que sera, sera. **Reminder - I am not OP.** submitted by /u/Sebastianlim to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I’ll try to keep it short and sweet. I recently bought an authentic designer purse. I realize the privilege I have to do so, but I work an extremely demanding job that requires I work very long hours and get compensated well to do so. It’s something I’ve wanted my entire life and I’ve finally reached a point where I can afford to do it. Not super relevant, but I grew up poor so in a way it was cathartic to me to buy something frivolous that I really wanted which is partially why it means so much to me. I’ve had this purse less than a month and have only worn it out twice, once to a work event and once to a nice dinner we went on with my boyfriend and his friends this last weekend. We were hanging out at my boyfriends friends house after the dinner and I hung my purse on the chair behind me. At this point I trusted everyone in the house and wasn’t really concerned about it. We’ve all been hanging out for years now. We moved to another room right next to the one we were in to play a game. When I came back, my purse was right where I left it. When we left for the night, I grabbed it and thought it felt heavier but didn’t look inside of it until I went to unload it when we got home. For some reason, someone thought it would be funny to put uncovered RED JELLO SHOTS into my purse with WHITE interior where they proceeded to leak. The entire inside was stained a splotchy pink shade and to say I was livid is an understatement. We’re all between 30-60 (we have some older folks that are family friends of people in the group that hang out with us sometimes), so everyone is old enough to not do something so stupid. I attempted to clean it to no avail. My boyfriend reached out to the group chat that has about half of his friends in it and asked if anyone knew who had done it. One person admitted they saw someone do it and told us who. It was one of the older members of the group who is known for messing with peoples belongings, but never to this degree. For example, when we went swimming last summer he filled the pockets of my shorts up with Chex mix. It was annoying but didn’t really damage anything. Also no one really finds his antics funny. In my opinion it’s common sense to refrain from putting red goo (that turns liquidy when warm) into a white bag, but he claims that he was just being funny and didn’t think they would leak. I asked him for money to either repair the bag or replace it and he claims he does not have that much money. He says the bag “looked cheap” so he didn’t think it would be a big deal even if the shots had leaked. I know that he has ample assets (multiple sports cars, a million dollar home, etc.) and can find a way to compensate me for what he had damaged. When I pointed this out, he told me that it was MY fault for bringing around an expensive bag and that something could’ve easily been spilled on it instead. While I would’ve been upset if that had been the case obviously, I wouldn’t have been anywhere near as upset because this had been done INTENTIONALLY and is now being blamed on me. I can take responsibility and say I shouldn’t have left it out of my sight, but I knew no one in the house would steal it or the contents in it and I never would’ve thought someone would fill it with sticky red goo regardless of how expensive or cheap it was. I told him that he needed to find the money or I would be suing him for the damages and a couple people in the group think I’m going too far. My boyfriend is thankfully as angry as I am and I don’t want this situation to come at the cost of any of his friendships, but I also want compensated for my property that I worked my butt off for. WIBTA if I take legal action, or should I try some other method to recoup my losses? I personally don’t think so because this wasn’t an accident, but some people seem to think I’m going too nuclear. Update: I had my appointment to have the bag looked at. They would be able to mostly repair it, however it’s likely that the liquid seeped through the lining and may have damaged the bag beyond repair. They wouldn’t know until they really got into it. Even so, the smell of crusty old jello and liquor would likely linger and deteriorate any resell value the purse may have in the future. For these reasons, I will be going after him for the entire value of the purse. Thank you to the person who mentioned that this could hurt resell value in the future, I didn’t even think of this. I asked the person that looked at it and she told me the severity of the staining and odor definitely would. Thankfully it is not a limited edition bag and I can currently buy a new one. Hopeful that this doesn’t change anytime soon as I really loved my bag. I am going to reach out to my attorney in the morning to see if he can help me or refer me to someone who can. I can update again with what they say, but I am pretty sure I have a strong leg to stand on. To answer some common questions: Why don’t I kick this guy from the friend group? Easiest answer here is that it isn’t my friend group. This man is a family friend of one of my boyfriends friends. He truthfully isn’t around much, but it seems like whenever he is he causes problems so I’m not sure why he is still invited, even occasionally. My boyfriend and I made it clear we would never be in the same place as him ever again, which kind of puts the ball in everyone else’s court. Does he not like you or does he torment everyone? He has a weird fixation with me mostly, but he does also torment most of the women in the group. I mentioned this in the comments but it may have gotten buried, but during my first interaction with him I had left my phone out while I had quickly gone to the bathroom. At some point he snatched my phone up, went SOMEWHERE else in the house, took a picture of his butthole, and replaced my phone in the same spot. I found the picture a few hours later when I opened my camera roll to show someone my dog and my boyfriend asked me horrified why I had a hairy butthole in my phone. I was mortified and had no explanation and it wasn’t until this man was hammered that he admitted he did it. We were all disgusted and he stopped being invited for awhile because my boyfriend refused to be around him. Last year he started being invited again and immediately started “pranking” me in harmless ways. He liked to do this with new girlfriends especially I noticed and I am one of the newest in the friend group (even though it’s been a few years now). One of my boyfriends friends started dating a new girl and she got a similar treatment, but nothing as severe. He really likes to tamper with our clothes mostly. I don’t know what the motive is, but he doesn’t usually mess with the guys, just the women. Did he steal anything? No. As I had mentioned he’s wealthy and I don’t think he’d really do anything like that, he doesn’t seem like the type to get a thrill from theft, rather he wants to annoy women. I only kept my credit card, a small amount of cash, car keys, and a sentimental keychain in the bag. Everything was sticky and coated in goo, but everything was also there. Small Edit: A lot of people have taken to accusing my boyfriend of some nasty things; setting this up, not defending me, being “spineless”, etc. I just wanted to take a second to say none of this is true and is mentioned throughout the post. The first instance of this man being weird, my boyfriend screamed at him about how what he had done to me was awful whether or not he saw it as a “joke”. We left immediately after and he told his friends that he did not want to be invited when that man was around. It took several years for it to blow over and for his friends to attempt to have us all together again for a birthday party. My boyfriend made it clear that if he ever did anything to harm me again that would be it, and he promised he wouldn’t. After all of that situation the offender did calm down towards me A LOT until now, which is why I didn’t feel that worried about him and was comfortable leaving my purse out of my sight for 30 minutes. My boyfriend not physically assaulting this man isn’t him being spineless, it’s him being mature and realizing that hurting him was only going to result in him getting charges that would impact his career and life. Now that this has all happened, my boyfriend HAS defended me and said we will do everything we need to in order to get me a new purse. It was ME that was worried about it causing him to lose friends, as I know this group is very important to him. submitted by /u/catdog_XXII to r/TwoHotTakes [link] [comments]

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/BottleLongjumping420 posting in r/AITAH Concluded as per OOP 1 update - Medium Original - 9th April 2025 Update - 14th April 2025 My (27f) ex (26m) dumped me in January after 9 years together because he didn’t think i was wife material now he reached out wanting to talk because he needs to get something off his chest I don’t know why he doing this or if I should met him? I was with my ex who I will call Nate because if I’m being honest minus betraying a friend I was a Cassie I don’t want to go to much into the details but for the last nine years I lost myself to Nate he was my world everything I did was for him, I helped him though depression, help get/keep his grades up even worked two jobs so he could focus on collage when his parents disowned him for nearly 3 years because they didn’t agree with the major or collage he choose bare in mind I was also a collage student when his parents started talking to him again and started to financial support him we moved into a new apartment Nate said he wanted me to quit my job (I didn’t) because it was his turn to take care of me . For 16 months everything was great he spoiled me than I noticed he was more interested in his new friends at times he ignored me completely Back in December he did a 180 and he loved bombed me the whole month he really went out of his way to make Christmas magical for me i honestly believed he was going to propose on January the 2nd he made me my favourite dinner and made this speech about me being his first love how I’ve been there since high school I kept thinking any minute now he’s gonna ask me to marry him But no he dumped me as his speech went on my world fell apart and as much he tried to sugar coat it he basically said “you were a good girlfriend but that’s what you always be to me a girlfriend I don’t see you as my wife or the mother of my children blah blah you served your purpose now I don’t need you anymore blah blah I need someone on my level blah blah you’re a gold digger blah I’ll give you 30 days to move out” I couldn’t speak and he stared at me looking for a response I think this lasted 20 minutes before he said he’d sleep in the guest room than left, strangely I didn’t cry or get angry I just ordered cardboard boxes online than went to bed. The next day I waited for him to leave the apartment before I left my room than I called my boss asked (begged really) if I could transfer anywhere she told me there wasn’t anything but if something came up in my department she’d consider me. I than reached out to everyone I knew that wasn’t also Nate’s friend for a place to stay my cousin invited me to stay in her spare room for as long as I needed and I could move in straight away so that was amazing, in the four days it took me too pack my stuff and move out I didn’t see or speak to Nate I doubt he even noticed I didn’t trust myself at the time to ignore a “you up text” so I blocked him and everyone close to him even changed me number/email to make sure he couldn’t reach me. The first night at my cousins was the night everything hit me I think I cried every night the first month i honestly felt like shit i thought about what Nate said over and over again it made me feel so low like I was nothing he only stayed with me because I was just there but thankfully my cousin sent for my mom,other cousins and real friends to give me an intervention which I badly needed , I believe that first month I wouldn’t have made it without my cousin I’m still healing and waiting on that job transfer because I feel like if I’m not in the same city as nate and I have a place of my own the fresh start would do me the world of good. I thought by now I’d be a distant memory for Nate but shockingly he sent flowers to my job today for my brithday which was on Sunday apparently he went to my parents house looking for me too and my mom admitted he’s been before dropping off stuff and tried to ask questions about me but they told him to fuck off The flowers came with a card saying “dear cassie happy belated birthday I’ve been thinking about you for non stop for the last few months especially with how everything ended I need to get something off my chest that I feel will haunt me for the rest of my life if I don’t tell you this to your face but I’ve no way of contacting you if it’s possible can we meet up in the near future -Nate” What could he want? What’s haunting him he needs to say to my face? Everyone in my life is telling me ignore him but they hate him I’m torn but I can’t lie my curiosity is telling me meet him to see what he wants Has anyone been in my shoes or in Nates? Comments Cultural_Section_862 NGL I didn't read all that, I just wanted to say... just bc he needs to say something doesn't mean you need to hear it. I doubt it's anything that would add vakue to your life, he's likely wanting to alleviate guilt for some long ago tresspass OOP: My cousin thinks he tried to monkey branch and it didn’t work out StudentOfThisLife Seems like he cheated on you back in December before the love bombing. Now, this dumb ass cheater is probably engaged to the affair partner, hence the wife material comment. Fuck him. Let him implode that relationship just like he imploded yours. He's not a good human, and he's trying to make himself feel better about something. He doesn't deserve that. And he doesn't deserve your time or energy. OOP: You know what’s pathetic? If he cheated and told me that was the reason he was breaking up with me wouldn’t I don’t think it have hurt me as much **Judgement - NTA*\* Update - 5 days later So we ended up meeting and no I didn’t go to him I had told the receptionist at my work if he came looking for just say I’m out for the day after he showed up once I didn’t want the drama of him around my job. So nate just kept going to my usual places like the grocery store I go every Saturday evening or the park I ran at Sunday mornings (his words) till he would eventually run into me And he did yesterday he was waiting at the coffee shop I go to after my morning run. When I saw him I tried to do turn around and leave but he kept calling me so I thought to myself if everything went pear shaped a coffee shop would be safer than my walk home So I just sat down and asked him what he wanted He gave an apology that wasn’t an apology you know the type with “I’m sorry but” and “pity me” he blamed his mental health ,his job his parents,his friends everyone but himself I took someone’s adivce on here and said “cut the crap I already know everything” he genuinely looked shocked and stared at me for a second I guess he thought his coworker already told me everything so he couldn’t lie Here’s what really happened he fell for a girl in his office when he told me her name I knew her immediately I’ve met her a few times. He told for the last two years he idolised her (to be fair she’s beautiful with an amazing personality) and he hated me because I was the one stopping them from being together because his coworker was too classy to be a side piece. When he broke up with me he confessed to her that he was madly in love with her and he ended a 9 year relationship to be with her Well here’s were it gets funny she doesn’t even like him lol she called him a piece of trash and told him if he ever spoke to her outside work she’d report him to HR. So I asked him what has any of this got to do with me like we are over I clearly cut ties there’s no reason for us to speak? He wants to try again promised we’d get married before the year ends that we belong together, I told him no I’m nobodies second choice he threw me away after 9 years and said some pretty cruel things to me and now he thinks if he snaps his fingers I’ll come running back, he tried to beg and fake tears bringing the good times in our relationship I told him please leave me alone as he wasted too much of my time already. I texted my cousin to meet me at the coffee shop he kept saying nonsense even suggested if I went to couples counselling for a few months he’d leave me alone the 20 minutes it took for my cousin to arrive felt like 20 years In the end I just stopped listening and stood at the counter making small talk with baristas till my cousin arrived, she told him to fuck off and if he tried to follow us she’d call her brothers He stayed in the coffee shop as far as I know and we just went home that’s it It’s only been a day but I feel like it’s over and I’m free of him Comments NONE0FURBIZZ Pity you didn't tell him: "turns out, you're the one that's not husband material, if you can say things like 'she's too classy to be a side piece', it means you'll never be a faithful, good, husband". Orphanbitchrat You are the witty bitch friend we all need little_kiittyy Girl, NTA. You handled that like a queen. He threw away 9 years chasing a fantasy, got rejected, and thought you’d be waiting like a backup plan? Nah. You chose you, and I’m clapping for it. Misommar1246 This has to be the dumbest mf out there. Most people have the smarts to get a feel, set something up and monkeybranch (I say this with revulsion), but this guy just YOLO’d his way to a breakup. The other girl was never interested in him, either he is completely delusional and misread the signs, or he thought he was such a catch that she possibly couldn’t say no. And now here he is, dumped by both women and crying about his fate. OP, you dodged a nuclear missile with this one. I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments submitted by /u/SharkEva to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRAbfgonemad2021 My (28F) BF (30M) is having some kind of meltdown after finding out my friend's (36F) age Originally posted to r/relationship_advice TRIGGER WARNING: Misogyny Original Post Feb 5, 2021 I've been dating my boyfriend Mike (fake name) for about four months and everything has been great up until now. This post is gonna make Mike sound kind of crazy but up til now he's been the nicest, most laidback guy I've ever dated. About a week ago I was on a Zoom call with two of my friends, who we will call Annie and Sarah. Sarah is 27, Annie is 36. I was talking to Annie and Sarah and Mike leaned over my shoulder to say hello. Because of the pandemic he hasn't met either of them in person yet and it was his first time actually meeting Annie at all. I wanted him to get to know my friends a bit so I invited him to sit next to me and stick around. Sarah was talking about her dating woes and how the pandemic has made it harder to date than ever. Mike made this weird joke about how Sarah needs to find a guy quick because at 30 she's gonna hit the wall and no man will want her anymore. He said it in this joking voice, but both Annie and Sarah looked weirded out. I was too to be honest, Mike's never said anything like that before. I guess Mike picked up on the awkwardness because he started trying to explain himself and started saying all this stuff about how women age like milk and it's not the same for guys and men tend to date younger because after 30 they hold all the cards and can pick and choose. Annie said "I haven't had any trouble meeting men" and Mike said "Just wait until you hit 30 and lose your looks, it's all downhill from there." Annie just kind of laughed and I had to tell Mike that she's 36. And obviously hasn't lost her looks if he's mistaking her for a twenty something. I said it kind of jokingly but Mike just went silent and then walked off into my bedroom and slammed the door. That night and ever since then he's been very moody and short with me, and keeps making passive-aggressive comments about how I'm "always" against him and never have his back. We've never even had an argument before this so I don't know where that's coming from. I've tried to bring up the Annie thing several times and he either clams up and refuses to talk about it or turns it back into me, Annie and Sarah ganging up on him and bullying him, which I don't think any of us did. The rest of the time he's just very short with me and keeps picking fights over tiny stupid things like my tone of voice being wrong. What do I do here? I really want to talk about what happened and about his views on women and men and ageing because that's kinda concerning. I don't understand why my sweet, cool boyfriend has suddenly transformed into this weirdo because he got politely corrected once. How should I solve this? TLDR: Boyfriend started talking about how my friend would be washed up when she hits 30. I told him she's 36 and he's been in a bad mood ever since. What do I do? RELEVANT COMMENTS Kdfailshot123 WTF? Sounds likes your bf is a shallow pos. I mean, he was seriously looking for you to back up him that older woman always fall apart... if thats what he really thinks, then your relationship is over in 2 years anyways. Smack up upside the head, tell him to grow up, and yall can move on from this. This the dumbest non issue I've ever heard in my life. Your boyfriend is being a bitch and he sounds like the type of person that is loaded up with double standards. OOP That went through my mind too and is part of why I want to talk to him about this because if he really thinks women are washed up after 30 then what does that mean for our relationship? ~ spo0om Lol he sounds like a sexist dumbass and that he’s upset he got proven wrong OOP What's weird is he's never shown any hint of being sexist before this. If you'd asked me before all this I would have told you he was a very modern and progressive guy, and it's not like we've never discussed things where he could have shown these kind of views before. We discussed stuff like abortion and women's reproductive rights early on and he was all about a woman's right to choose, for example. This just seems like it came from nowhere. ~ TastyUnits How is this loser even attractive to you ? I hope you talked to Annie and apologized for his behavior. If I were Annie, I would be incredibly disappointed in you. OOP I stayed on the Zoom call with Annie after he stormed off so we already talked about it and I basically said the truth, which is that he's never ever said anything like that before and I wouldn't date him if he had. Annie seemed to find him saying all that stuff then getting her age wrong incredibly funny actually but yeah I did apologize for what Mike said to both her and Sarah. ~ [deleted] Once I heard the phrase “when people show you who they really are, believe them”, it changed my life. Listen to who he is showing you he is OP! Edit: to give credit, it’s a Maya Angelou quote - thanks to everyone that told me! OOP I think I'm going to take your advice. It makes me sad because he really seemed so great up until now but I guess this is a lesson to me that you can't always trust the first impression you get of someone. I texted him that I want to talk so I guess either he can respond and we can have an actual adult breakup in person or he can keep ignoring me and get dumped by text tomorrow. Update Feb 8, 2021 (3 days later) First of all I want to say thank you. I didn't expect my post to get such a big reaction, but seeing everyone basically unanimously tell me Mike was bad news was the wake-up call I needed. As a matter of fact it was actually Sarah who told me to make the post, she didn't like Mike at all after that Zoom call and I had been kind of pushing back when she suggested I end the relationship. She didn't sound surprised at all when I told her Reddit unanimously said he was bad news, I think she was probably thinking "I told you so." I also called my dad after the Reddit post and something he said basically cemented my decision to end it with Mike. He and my mom are the same age and have been happily married for 30 years. He said "If you stay with this man then on your 30th birthday you're going to be worrying he'll never find you beautiful again instead of celebrating the milestone. Don't waste your time with someone like that. Every time your mom has her birthday I feel happy that she's choosing to spend another year growing older with me." And basically, that's what I want. And obviously I wasn't going to have that with Mike. Anyway, long story short I did break up with Mike. I texted him asking to meet up and talk and when he asked what about I told him we needed to discuss the Zoom call and how he'd been acting this week. I got more of the same stuff about how I'm a bully and ganging up on him and HE wants an apology from ME and even though I had wanted to do the break-up in person I realized he was going to keep trying to turn it around into being my fault, so I just told him over text that I didn't want to see him anymore. He sent back "Whatever. Grow up." and hasn't contacted me since. So that's that! Not a very interesting update, I know. But even though a big explosive argument might have been a more interesting update I'm kind of glad to have avoided it. TLDR: I broke up with Mike. RELEVANT COMMENTS TheowRA-4545 Good thing done. Now for her to reconcile with her friend and tell her dad what great support they both are. OOP Sarah's not mad at me fortunately! We actually had a call just before I made this update, but I can tell she was holding back the urge to say she told me so. And to be fair, she did tell me so! ~ Pooky582 I'm sorry it had to happen, but I am relieved this is the outcome. I hope you find someone a million times better. Also, I love your dad. He sounds like a great husband and a great father. OOP My dad's amazing and he and my mom are still so crazy about each other. They've always been marriage goals for me. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Exciting-Turnip7126. She posted in r/MarkNarrations and r/TrueOffMyChest. Thanks to u/Literally_Taken for finding this and recommending it. Read the trigger warnings. A reminder to not comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. Trigger Warning: graphic descriptions of child abuse; infidelity; verbal abuse; financial abuse; Mood Spoiler: surprisingly happy ending Background Post: January 21, 2024 Editor's note: This post is tangentially related to the main post as it discusses some of OOP's background. I feel so lost. I don't know what to do and I feel sick. I (41F) have been no contact my with my mother for the past 11 years following years of physical, financial, and emotional abuse as well as years of parentification. To give everyone an idea, my mother started abusing me physically and emotionally from the age of 6 , which is when we both moved out of the extended family home. I never knew my father so until I was 6 I grew up in a home with my mother, her 3 siblings and her parents (my grandparents). Her physical abuse consisted of pinching and twisting until my skin blistered or tore. Grabbing me by the arm or leg so hard she'd leave a bruise in the shape of her hand. Throwing things at me like drinking glasses. A few times I couldn't go to school because the bruises were in places that were visible. Her emotional abuse was just as bad. Telling me she'd throw me outside and lock the door so the boogeyman would take me if I didn't do exactly what she said. This was all when I was under the age of 10. The parentification started when I was 11 when my first half brother was born. He was my sole responsibility. Same when my second half brother was born when I was 18. The financial abuse started when I was 12 when I had my first tutoring job. She's take my money to buy alcohol. I would hide my money so I could buy food for me and brother or my cat since she'd forget and just say to "eat whatever". Financially, she wrecked my credit. I lent her my credit card when I was 21 (stupid I know) to help her with her business. She said, as my mother, I owed it to her. Back then I was still in the mindset I was taught growing up. That family was what was most important. Now I know better and have worked hard for years to build my credit back up. Back to my dilemma. We (me and my bf 45M) have been invited to a friend's wedding. There's a chance my mother may be there. What makes me anxious is we have a 9.5 month old baby girl. Yes I had my baby late. There's a long tradition of the women in my family being abusive. I didn't want children for the longest time. I don't regret having my daughter. She's my world and I love her more than anything and I know my mother would demand to see her if given the chance. The thought of my mother seeing her and just seeing my mother in general makes me feel sick with anxiety and on the verge of sobbing. These emotions come up because I think of my daughter being exposed to her and I can do is cry. On the other hand I want to go to the wedding. My friends who are getting married know my history with my mother. I have a feeling they'd invite her to be polite. How can I get through this? Relevant Comments: Commenter: I'm sorry you had to deal with all that. While I can't tell friends who they should invite to their wedding, I would think good friends would be aware of the friction. I'd certainly ask if my mother had been invited. If they answer yes, then I would skip the wedding. If your mother is still drinking and abusive, there's no way I'd risk running into her again. Just not worth it. OOP: Thank you. Exactly. I don't want to be that person who dictates who they can/can't invite. That's a good idea. I will ask if she was invited/ RSVPed yes. She drinks less now. Her heavy drinking resulted in her getting type 2 diabetes. Even with less alcohol, she apparently is still very manipulative and abusive according to my youngest half brother. Commenter: Wishing you luck. Don’t blame you at all! My mother’s father (grandfather is too familial for him) was a narcissist, abuser too. Had to control every and all situations. Refused to give him any leeway and never spoke to him for the last 10 or so years of his life. If I had kids, I would not have allowed him to be apart of their lives either. There is no need to have another generation subjected to the vitriol and physical violence. Go to the party, support your brother. You don’t have to say a word to her. Make Her look stupid by ignoring her. OOP: Thank you so much for your comment! I'm so sorry you had to go through that too and you're absolutely right when you said "There is no need to have another generation subjected to the vitriol and physical violence." My mother is the way she is because of her mother who was so much worse. That's why I had my daughter later in life. I was child Free out of fear of being like them but my step-dad and boyfriend both told me the same thing: I know how not to parent. Mini update (Same Post, Next Day) I don't know if this is how we update but I'm going to do it anyway lol. Thank you to everyone who commented and you all had the same advice. So I contacted the bride last night. She wrote me back this morning. She did not invite my mother. She knows a little bit of my history with my mother and said she rarely speaks to her. She wants me and my step-father there. He too would not want my mother there (he went through a lot of abuse too at my mother's hand). So my friend wanted us to have a good time and is not inviting my mother. Thank you all again so very much for reading my post. I was so afraid of being that person who causes drama over who is/isn't invited and didn't want to cause my friend stress that I started imagining all possible scenarios of what could happen if she was that and spiraled into an emotional crying mess. After all your comments, some ginger ale a hug from my husband and baby, I was able to get some sleep. Thank you all again very much Original Post: April 16, 2024 (4 months later) Title: I had to end my 11 yr NC with my mother and her siblings for a family event. I will see her for the first time this Saturday. I'm overthinking everything... I (41F) went NC with my entitled narcissistic mother and her siblings 11 years ago after years of physical, emotional and financial abuse as well as years of parentification starting when I was 11 yrs old. None of her siblings said or did anything. They just looked the other way and told me I was too emotional and exaggerate everything. My brother (30M) and his girlfriend (22F) are having a baby shower for their first baby this Saturday, my mother is organizing it and sent out invites and created a Facebook event. This is why I went stopped my NC, so I could see the event and mark myself as going. I refuse to let a POS human being prevent me from being there for brother and his girlfriend, even if that person is my mother. I'm not going to lie, I spiralled when I first saw my mother's invite. All the years of abuse, days of missed elementary school because the bruises were in visible places, all came back. My step-dad (54M) talked me down and we're going together. He was abused by her just as bad as I was, if not worse. My mother is organizing the baby shower because my brother is close with her. Yes he knows what she did but thinks I should just forgive and forget, which I have multiple times but that never stopped the abuse. My biggest concern is my boyfriend and I have a child (1F) and when my brother found out, he started again with how I should forgive and forget. I told him I don't expect him to not tell my mother about my child but to respect that she will not be in my child's life. Since my daughter was born there were some not so subtle attempts from her to like pictures of my daughter. She even sent me a friend request once, which I deleted right away. She's the jealous vindictive type so it wouldn't surprise me if she pressured my brother to get his girlfriend pregnant so she'd have a grand-child too (She's jealous of my step-dad for being a grand dad). For those wondering why I didn't block her, I did but unblocked every now and then because I was paranoid she'd try something with grand-parents rights, even though I know she doesn't have a leg to stand on for that or try to get sympathy for not seeing my daughter. This still bothers me to this day sometimes. The nightmares and hormones have me paralyzed in fear. All this to say my mother would be the type of person to post about this on social media and if she does, I want to be able to get screenshots of it and address it right away because she's a master manipulator. I decided to take a big step and started therapy for the first time last week. Therapy was always something ridiculed and seen as something for weak people by my family. My boyfriend (44M) agreed with the therapy and even asked me how I felt afterwards. He's my rock and my everything. We've been together for 20 years. For those wondering, why we aren't married because we don't really don't care. We love each other and for us that's enough. Therapy helped a lot. I have another session this week, two days before I see her again. My therapist called me brave, which honestly surprised me. I never thought of myself as being brave. Anyway, I'll update after the baby shower. Relevant Comments: Commenter: Your brother deems his deference for your mother above the abuse thar he knows you suffered. However much you care for him, your feelings are secondary as far as he's concerned... Why stress? Spend the day with someone who loves you. OOP: thank you for your comment. I do agree with you that my feelings are completely secondary to him. Unfortunately, he's very much like her personality wise but his girlfriend is a gem and keeps him level headed (even he admits its lol). My dad and I have an agreement that if either of us are uncomfortable we'll leave right away. We're going as each other's support. Plus I worked really hard on a crocheted baby blanket, hats and mitts lol. Why are you putting yourself in this situation? Thank you so much for your concern. Yes it's going to be stressful but after having lost my entire family when going NC, I went a few years with no contact with anyone, including my step-dad and brothers. She had turned everyone against me which destroyed me. I felt so abandoned. Once her lies, cheating and abuse were exposed is when my step-dad and one of my two brothers came back in my life. The one brother who came back (23M) isn't the one who's baby shower I'm going to (30M). Yes there's a massive age difference between us (I'm 41F). I raised the two of them alone. I felt like I had lost everything when they went NC. Them coming back felt like a second chance. Brother 30M came back a few years after. He's very easily manipulated and has the same kind of personality as my mother: vain, narcissistic and selfish but he's a watered down version without the abuse. Basically I'm putting myself in this situation for my second chance little family I was able to form after the fallout. Seems ridiculous but I'd feel terrible to not try. Commenter: I too, think it is a bad idea. I cannot imagine spending time around someone that was abusive to me for years just to appease my brother who didn't even care that I was abused, still maintains a close relationship with my abuser and on top of it has the audacity to tell me to forgive and forget. That part is throwing me. I cannot for the life of me imagine my mom hurting my sister who I love, yet still wanting to be cool with my mom, my mom would be dead to me. And I get Op is fond of her brother's gf but like someone else suggested take her out to lunch or do something else nice with her, like a spa day and give her the gift. OOP: As much as I would love to do all the above, it's really hard with how far my brother and his girlfriend live and their job. They both work really long shifts. I know it's confusing and even I wonder sometimes, especially that he plays off my trauma like I'm exaggerating, but the best way I can put it is in a way we have a way to start over. After the year did abuse, not just to me but my step-dad also, we want to try and make our little family of chosen people work. We never got a chance to do that, ever. I would have to do a post by itself about my family and all the bullshit that lead to the NC. That would be a massive post in itself. So much to unpack but therapy is helping. Lastly, I was happy to hear my brother's girlfriend put her foot down with certain things with my mother. My brother will get to see our mother's real personality with his baby. I hope he steps up for his girlfriend and their baby. Commenter: It's ok to prioritize your self and your family. You cannot thrive and be bountiful if you don't. If not going is best for you. That is ok. What is best for you is ok. It took me a long time to say that! It's not selfish to do what's best for you and your LO (Editor's note- little one) OOP: I've really been leveraging "No" as a full sentence and have been using that as a filter for people I want to keep in my life. If people can't respect me when I say no, then what else are they going to disrespect me on. At first I did not want to go. I had a full blown crying, shaking, dry heaving meltdown. After composing myself, I called my dad and he talked me through it and said he was going. He was heavily abused too so I know it's just as hard for him. That's why we're going as each other's support. As for my daughter, she's staying home with my boyfriend having a daddy daughter day. Commenter: Eh, I would suggest just using her first name, not "mother." Deny the relationship. Twist that knife. OOP: I have. I use mother here because I've used "egg donor" in the past and people were super confused. Even to my step-dad and brothers I call her by her first name. Commenter: I'm a cross stitcher and knitter, I feel your pain. (Editor's note- OOP commented at one point that she had a handmade gift for the new baby) As for the shower, have you considered that by going you are letting her win? She gets to show everyone how mean you are to her, she gets to create drama and blame it on you. Think on this, a narcissist thrives on attention any attention, even bad, is a balm to their soul. She will do everything in her power to make you look bad. There is no way to win, except by ignoring her existence. OOP: Thank you! I have considered that side too. I'm going by my dad's experience. He had to see her a month ago or so for the gender reveal and he said she looked resigned. Almost emotionless. She's already painted me in a bad light to the entire family (her sisters, her brother and their kids) who will also be there by the way. But they're all so non-confrontational and fake. I know my mother is throwing the baby shower for exactly that reason. She wants attention. My dad and I agreed to leave right away if either of us feels uncomfortable. Commenter: You want to be there for a grown ass man who doesn’t care about you being abused. Why do you still care about him? When has he ever cared about you?? OOP: Thank you for your comment. We used to be close a long ago. We've gotten a lot better in the past 2 years. He was really badly manipulated by my mother for many years. He took for granted that what she was telling him was true because she's our mother and she wouldn't lie, which is so dumb, I know. He's learning that more and more. I think he's seeing it more now that she keeps trying to ask him for money, like I warned him she would. Commenter: Brother will change his mind about mother once she starts abusing his kid. These kinds of things don't just stop. Good luck to you! OOP: Thank you! I really hope it doesn't come to that but it wouldn't surprise me. I think it'll be more my brother's girlfriend putting her foot down with my mother's involvement (she'll probably try to involve herself in everything). My brother will be forced to choose and in general does what his girlfriend says since she's the most down to earth, realistic and normal out of the two. She keeps him level, his words exactly. Commenter: You DON’T have to go. Just because your brother has poor taste in people doesn’t mean you have to be around your abuser. You can see him other times. OOP: Thank you for your comment. I know I don't. I'm choosing to go. I feel like I'm letting my mother get under my skin and win by not going and that makes me even angrier. That's where I'm at at the moment. Editor's note: All edits take place on the same post. EDIT: I'm sorry if I'm, confusing anyone by saying "my dad" when referring to my step-dad. To me he is my dad. He and I have gone through hell and back together in regards to my mom. Our experience has brought us closer than ever. EDIT 2: I am NOT bringing my daughter. She's staying home and having a daddy daughter day with my boyfriend. EDIT 3: April 16 or 17, 2024 (Same day/day after) Holy cow I did not expect this many comments! Thank you all so much! You have no idea how much I appreciate it. That's what I love at MarkNarrations. I love this sub. It's such a tightly knit community. My daughter knows the sound of his voice now and comes running to see when I play his videos on my tablet lol. One thing I want to tell everyone, you don't need to worry about me breaking down, crying, or having a meltdown. I'm at a point in my life where I don't get sad. I get angry and my worry is if she tries anything, my step-dad will have to jump him and pull me back. And I have no problems calling her out on her abuse. Many years ago she made him nearly homeless where he only had enough money to pay his mortgage but had to go to the food bank for food. He didn't tell me because he knew I probably would have done something I'd regret later. He only told me after the fact and I cried tears of anger and disbelief at being related to someone so vile. When I get overwhelmed I cry, which I find so embarrassing. I am seeing therapist this Thursday, two days before the shower and I'm really looking forward to it. I will keep you all updated. Thank you all again so much. I really love this sub

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/mysteryman403 Breaking Bad: methaniel Originally posted to r/Aquariums r/Edmonton r/UnethicalLifeProTips r/AmItheAsshole r/confession r/relationship_advice r/Horses r/tifu r/careerguidance r/Marathon_Training r/FrenchForeignLegion r/methhorseguy r/DecidingToBeBetter r/BreakUps r/Seattle Thanks to u/czechtheboxes & u/amireallyreal for suggesting this BoRU Special thanks to the mods at r/FrenchForeignLegion for recovering the post EDITORS NOTE: r/methhorseguy is dedicated to this individual TRIGGER WARNING: drug use, theft, harassment, body shaming, age gap relationship, animal abuse My Harleyquinn Rasboras hide everytime I walk in the room now… why? They didnt for the first 2 months and now it’s like they aren’t even in my tank. Sept 28, 2021 Picture of the tank Putting this here as the same tank is spoken about 3 years later. AITAH for eating an entire chocolate cake to help my niece lose weight? - rareddit Nov 22, 2023 I will try to make this as quick as possible. Me and my girlfriend had her sister and niece over for her nieces birthday. It was a great time, and since it was a birthday we got my niece birthday cake. Here is where the dilemma comes in. My niece is quite a chunky toddler, so I didn’t think chocolate cake was the best idea (I suggested fruit cake) but we got chocolate cake anyhow. She loved the cake on her birthday but they forgot to take it with them so they ended up leaving it at our place. My girlfriend told me to only have one piece but to leave the rest for her sister. Since I don’t want her niece to be so chunky, I thought we were doing her a disfavour by giving the cake back. After two days my girlfriend was going to drop the cake off after she got home from work, but I decided I had a better idea that would help everyone. I ate the entire cake before my girlfriend could get home so that our niece wouldn’t be able to have anymore of it and gain weight. Does that sound like a dick move? Yes. Was it done unselfishly and for the good of my niece? Yes. I didn’t want to eat that entire cake because I am overweight myself but I unselfishly ate it all so my niece could lose weight. My girlfriend got really really pissed at me and told me I am a selfish pig, which is funny because I was actually being the exact opposite. I also got zero sympathy when I was basically sick the rest of the night with a huge stomach ache, she said I deserved it. Am I being the asshole? Or is my girlfriend being a complete asshole by supporting her niece getting fat? Before you answer, please try to actually think of the big picture here. I am not fat phobic and I am not selfish, I did this out of the good of my heart. EDIT: so I see some comments are saying that the birthday cake wasn’t just for my girlfriends neice, but it was also for her parents. Her mother is also quite overweight so I actually helped TWO people by eating the cake, not just one. Keep in mind the big picture before you comment VERDICT: REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED TOP COMMENTS Sorry-Spite9634 YTA OOP How are you going to say this and not even give a reasoning why. Sorry-Spite9634 Plenty of other people already have. She’s a toddler. OOP So it’s okay to be really fat if you’re a toddler? You’re going down a dangerous road ~ DevelopmentPlus1748 How did you eat an entire chocolate cake, maybe it was good for your niece but that was definitely not good for you 😭 OOP THANK YOU!! Finally someone sees how unselfish I was in this scenario. I DIDNT EVEN ENJOY EATING THE WHOLE CAKE (I enjoyed the first piece or two but after that it was way too much chocolate.) I did this for my niece and YES, it was a sacrifice Did a very regrettable trick on a pregnant woman back when I was an addict Nov 26, 2023 Okay so before I start this story, let me just say I used to be addicted to heroin, meth, and Xanax. Now the only thing I’ll do is drink, smoke weed and occasionally do coke on weekends or when my favourite football team is playing, but I do have my life together and have a enough of a salary to live happily. Ok, on to the story at hand. I was addicted to heroin at the time and quite broke, and starting to feel withdrawals come. When heroine withdrawals start happening, you will literally do ANYTHING to get your hands on something that will make them stop. Having no job at the time nor any friends to steal off of at the time, my hands were pretty tied on how I could get some (and I refuse to do fentanyl). Here is where I got creative. I go into a Denny’s and steal a salt shaker off of one of the tables. I split the salt into bags resembling 8 balls and twist them up. Since I wasn’t a dealer, I didn’t have anybody to rip off but I did know a pregnant junkie, and she had trouble acquiring drugs consistently because apparently her regular dealers didn’t like selling to her while she was so pregnant. I get into contact with her, and tell her I have a few 8balls of coke. We meet up, and to my delight she tells me she wants to buy my entire supply so she won’t run out anytime soon, and because she has had so much trouble buying drugs lately. The part that I feel really really guilty about is that she pawned off a stroller given to her by family members in a baby shower, to get enough money for this purchase. Since I was experiencing heavy withdrawals at this point and she was offering me hundreds of dollars, I grabbed the money and ran out of there as fast as I could before she realized it was salt in those bags. I feel absolutely awful about her pawning things meant for her baby to get the fake drugs I was selling, but this was a long time ago. Another confession is that half of me also feels good about this because I wasted her money on fake drugs, Probably preventing her from getting real drugs that could harm her baby. This wasn’t done unselfishly but I went up a few hundred dollars while also preventing a baby from harm so there is a positive side to it. Like I said I think drugs are absolutely terrible for you and people should never try them in the first place. Junkies might be very nice people but when you’re addicted you turn into a monster to get what you want. Curious about getting my girlfriend a horse, and what it would entail (responsibility and costs) Jan 30, 2024 Hello everybody, I am a 33 year old male and I am looking to get my girlfriend a horse for her birthday. I have some questions that I thought you guys might be able to answer like how much would a cheap horse cost? How much space would it need at a minimum? For owners who own a single horse, what are the yearly costs generally? Any advice for a first time horse owner?? All comments are welcome!! Can I pay for a horse with credit card until I get enough money? P.S. I would help take care of my girlfriends horse while she graduates from university (so for the next 3-4 years) but after she has more free time, I would like her to take care of it. It’s going to be staying on my parents ranch until she graduates and then I am hoping to buy our own property where the horse can live. I am just a little worried about how much responsibility it is, because my girlfriend is basically 19 and hasn’t had this much responsibility before. Nothing is a sure thing but I just want to see what the other horse owners think about it. She will be the happiest girl in the world :) TOP COMMENTS Squirrel_Girl88 Considering based on your post history you do meth, I don’t think adding a huge financial burden ($1,000 a month minimum) is a great idea. Surprise pets are bad, surprise horses are worse. OOP No no I don’t anymore. I used to be an addict but I overcame that, I’m a lot more responsible Now greeneyes826 Uh....not as of 13 days ago? No judgement from me as I'm not you but you can't be a former addict and still actively using. OOP I used to be a full blown addict but Now I use occasionally , and have complete control of it so I didn’t consider myself an addict, just a habitual user ~ asyouwissssh 33 and 19? :/ OOP Turning 19 but yes ~ CheesecakePony I feel like the only answer you're going to take is "wait for harvest season, we're headed into another drought so hay prices are gonna spike and the auctions are going to be flooded with cheap horses that no one can afford to feed, just go bid until you win one in budget" but literally every word of this post is terrible lol don't buy this child a massive financial liability while she's in school my god OOP Well I’ll help out with expenses Scared-Accountant288 7 to 10k a year. More if you have emergency vet bills. OOP Damn that’s a lot honestly Scared-Accountant288 Thats average. OOP Way more than I can afford at the moment. I need a below average coating horse Hostile work environment from my co-workers and my boss. Can’t stop making jokes at my expense, about my relationship. How do I proceed? Jan 30, 2024 Hello everybody, I’m a 33 year old working at a blue collar job, with a pretty large crew. Anyways we get along fine but recently my girlfriend came to pick me up, and she’s really mature but turning 19 in less than a month so we have a decent age gap. Ever since that day, I have been getting berated with insults and jokes, some of them completely lacking humor, and just being insulting. It’s gotten to the point now where my boss is even making jokes about it, calling me a cradle robber in front of the crew. It’s funny cause most of these guys seem to be projecting their insecurities on me, and are jealous of the amazing relationship I have. Anwyays, I’m literally getting insulted CONSTANTLY, including the boss, so I was wondering how much I can sue them for? Am I able to sue them for a hostile work environment? If everyone in the workplace was making fun of a guy who was dating a morbidly obese woman, I feel like he’d have grounds to sue. Can someone please help me out with this dilemma? My girlfriend doesn’t even want to pick me up after school anymore because of how negatively these guys reacted.. I’m so sick of being judged for finding true love. I want compensation from my workplace. TOP COMMENTS OOP They’re making fun of me because they’re not in my position. I bet 98% of them would date her if they could because she’s that wonderful. They’re the gross ones, Making inappropriate comments about a 19 year old , like who raised them?!?! insicknessorinflames They're making inappropriate comments about an 18 year old. you're the one sle- 🤢sleeping w- 🤮 her and attempting to buy her a horse to guilt trip her into staying with a meth addicted predator nearly 2x her age throughout college. "Stay with me or you won't see the horse again!" you think you're real clever though huh ~ Venvut When she picks you up after school 😳 Strong-Bottle-4161 He meant college, but I too chuckled at this remark. Personal stories about Edmonton work culture? Feb 4, 2024 Hello everybody, I have been under a lot of harrassment at work lately and It’s gotten so bad I am debating moving cities. Before I move, I want to see if this is anecdotal or if work culture in Edmonton is toxic? I work blue collar and I hate to say it but a lot of my co-workers are way too mean for me to handle. I don’t know if it’s because I make them look bad at work by being so good at my job or if it is because they are jealous about my relationship but they are some of the worst people I’ve met. Would I have better luck finding a corporate job? how is the corporate business world in Edmonton? How are the science jobs? Please give some insight into what type of job you work and how the work culture is in that industry. I’m pretty much a jack of trades so I don’t care what industry you are in, all stories and opinions will be beneficial :) All answers and feedback are appreciated, I would love to stay here in Edmonton to be with my girlfriend but I would need to find a new job! Any advice is welcome. Very interested in moving to Seattle Feb 4, 2024 Hello everybody, I (33M) am very interested in moving to Seattle. I live in Edmonton right now but I have had some issues with workplace harassment and it looks like I need a change of scenery. I am blessed to have dual citizenship between America and Canada so a visa is not really a problem. My first question is cost of living? If I were to rent a one bedroom apartment in a cheap neighborhood close to a bus station, can someone give me a rough estimate of how much costs? What is the night life culture like? Are things open late? Edmonton closes down pretty early for such a large city. I enjoy partying but I also enjoy staying in, mostly depends on what my girlfriend wants to do :) How is the weather, I know it’s warmer than edmonton for sure but is it sunny? Or extremely cloudy? What’s the BEST advantage to living in seattle? I would like some local perspectives. Also, is meth legal in Seattle? My friend told me it was but I want to have this confirmed by an actual local, and is it good quality? All answers and feedback are appreciated!! Thank you It was my girlfriends birthday a few days ago and we got into a huge fight. She hasn’t texted or called me since. Feb 11, 2024 I (33M) got in a huge fight with my girlfriend (F19) on her birthday. I am scared she wont take me back. It was my girlfriends birthday a few days ago, and she wasn’t happy with what I had planned so she left to hangout with her friends. Let me repeat that. My girlfriend left her BOYFRIEND on her birthday, to go hangout with friends because she didn’t like what I had planned for her. The Edmonton Oilers were on a 16 game winning streak and my buddy had two extra tickets. Not only would have it been a fun time, it was also a cheaper option for me because I am having trouble at work, and basically don’t have a job anymore. My girlfriend gets home from classes with dinner and then I tell her Happy Birthday, and give her literal roses for her birthday. I give her the two tickets (lower bowl) as her birthday present and I tell her to eat and get dressed quick so we can get to the game early. She was livid with that idea, screamed how she doesn’t even like hockey (which is a lie because we’ve been to like 6 hockey games together) and left the house without even eating any dinner or taking her roses. I have her location so I checked where she was going and she ended up at her MALE friends dorm. I blew the hell up and sent her a really angry text, and then didn’t even wait for her and went to the game with my friends without her. If she wants to act like that, then fine, but I’m not going to let it ruin MY day. She hasn’t responded to any of my texts or calls, stopped sharing her location with me and I am getting concerned I might have sent a bit TOO angry of a text. But I was also in the right, because how spoiled do you have to be to yell at someone for getting them a present? Please give me advice on what I can say or do to her to make her forgive me, I just want my baby back. Should I apologize? P.S. IMPORTANT! I didn’t even have the chance to tell her that I’m also getting her a pet HORSE for her birthday, that’s literally all hers, but I just need more time to buy and figure out the logistics. Is she being spoiled or am I being inconsiderate? Debating joining the French legion but don’t want to start out as a private. Feb 15, 2024 Debating joining the armed forces but concerned about starting as a private. Hello everybody, Recent life events out of my control have left me without a girlfriend and a job. My friend suggested I join the army because it’s a fulfilling job, has a good pay, and has continued benefits after I’m done serving. This all sounds great, and I would do well with a military environment with strict rules and high fitness level requirements. I have two questions though. Do I really have to start at the lowest rank? Or will there be IQ tests done on new recruits that put ‘brighter’ individuals into higher ranking positions off the bat? or Can I just outright join an elite unit like the special forces or paratroopers? I would love to serve for the Canadian military and risk my life for the country, while also taking many lives that threaten what our country stands for but we are not in combat right now. I have low empathy so it wouldn’t be a problem for me. What will the pay be like for a General? or for serving as a commander in the special forces? Thank you! All advise is appreciate. P.S. do they make accommodations for night owls? I don’t love waking up early but I CAN, I would just prefer to be a unit involved more in evening and night activities. TOP COMMENTS ZZZTOW16 This sub is just a gift that keeps on giving, talking about special forces and high iq when you’re on another sub talking about smoking meth 🤣 OOP I used to smoke it 10 years ago but I’m not an addict anymore. An ‘ex-addict’ persay ~ PointNo281 They will be more than happy to accomodate night owls like yourself! just let your caporal know that you enjoy to work at night,they will be more than happy to make the wishes of a« bright »individual like your self come true! 👍 OOP Thank you for the helpful, positive response! I appreciate it. Have you served before? Can you put in a good word for me Profesional_Chair28 You know they’re joking, right? OOP Omg. That guys a complete dick ~ Inevitable_Top_1741 La troll très bien OOP English please? I don’t know any other language. I’m not from Quebec amayagab And you want to join the French Foreign Legion? I love this site TIFU by telling a kijiji buyer that my beats don’t have any anti-theft software in them, while he was ‘inspecting’ them. Feb 17, 2024 A potential Kijiji ‘buyer’ ran off with my $300 Headphone Beats… First of all, this happened a week ago, it wasn’t today, but the more I think of what happened the more I realized how bad I fucked up… Worst week of my life. Lost my job, got dumped, and then this. I have been selling stuff online to make money and I posted a pair of my noise cancelling Dre Beats headphones, cause lately I’ve been selling things on Kijiji for money for groceries and such. A potential buyer messages saying he wants them and we plan to meet up outside of a convenient store. I meet him there and it’s a group of teenagers, anywhere from 13-15, all hanging around (which I now realize they were just watching what was about to unfold). We confirm with eachother that we are there from kijiji and he asks if he can see them before he buys it. I bring them out and hand it over to him to check and he says “Oh wow these are really good quality! Do they have any special features like “find my headphones” in case someone were to steal them from me?” And I stupidly respond with “Nahh nothing like that. The only ‘features’ it really has is noise cancelling and Bluetooth" and then this kid puts on a shit eating grin and says “Good.” Then sprints off in the other direction. As he does this, the other kids were obviously in on it as they all ran away on cue, giggling the entire time. That was my weeks grocery money running off in the hands of douchey teenagers, wearing NELK hoodies. WHILE LAUGHING! Little shits. P.S. I Didn’t chase them obviously cause it’s like 3 vs 1 if I were to catch up to them. TLDR; I let a potential kijiji buyer inspect my headphones and while he was holding them, he asked if there was any anti theft software and I said no, resulting in him running off with them. My roommate abuses his fish so I clean the tank while he’s at work Feb 19, 2024 My roommate has a fish tank and he only cleans it like once a month or even 2 months.. I’ve been thinking of calling some sort of tip line to report him. Anyways I couldn’t stand it so I cleaned it myself while he was at work. 4 pictures of the tank at different angles TOP COMMENTS FROM OOP He literally changes the water like once a month or two. Are you kidding, I’m not gonna just sit here and let the fish die… I only touched it once up until this moment. I just basically emptied the water to the bottom, poured in completely clean water and scrubbed the sides. The water was so murky at first, that’s why I basically replaced all of it. Don’t worry, I’ve changed fish tanks before & lilcycle Did you use water conditioner???? Don't fucking touch his tank again. OOP Yeah I used water conditioner. I just poured it in but I know around how much to give it cause I replaced most of the water. And I cleaned the tank yet you’re telling me to not touch it again?? Are you joking or not cause w.t.f Ready-Brother-5273 You didn’t measure it??? Chlorine is amazing at killing fish, that combined with a FULL water change may have just killed his fish so great job ❤️ OOP so you’re saying I killed all his fish? Yet they’re swimming perfectly fine In front of me right now. You realize you’re gas lighting right now, right? How does someone practice Stoicism after a huge mistake? I accidentally killed all of my roommates fish by cleaning his tank Feb 21, 2024 I’ll give a quick recap cause the story doesn’t matter much, but my roommate never cleaned his fish tank and I felt really bad for the fish. When he was gone at work, I cleaned the entire tank for him and really made it look spic and span. Anyways, 2 days later and almost every fish in his aquarium has died for some reason. He’s emotionally destroyed and PISSED at me. I am feeling extreme amounts of guilt and I feel partly responsible because of the timing of all their deaths…. Even though I know it wasn’t me, it still might have had something to do with me cleaning it. Like almost every single fish died 2 days after I cleaned it… but it could still be a coincidence. Anyways how do I practice stoicism in a time like this? I feel sick to my stomach, I’m racked with empathy and guilt. I want to practice and show stoicism since I consider myself quite the stoic, but it also feels heartless? I might have just decimated my roommates aquarium by accident and I don’t show emotion? That doesn’t seem right. Is it right for me To outwardly show my sadness, so my roommate sees I care? I am usually very even keel and play all my cards close to my chest but my roomate is so devestated, he’s been crying all day and I want to show him I care, while also still practicing stoicism. Please give me guidance in this situation, my rooommate is really really upset and I want him to see that I did something nice for him, and it was just an unfortunate accident, and there’s no proof it was actually me. Like it’s been 2 days since I cleaned it, wouldn’t they have died instantly? He might have had some sort of disease in his tank already from never cleaning it. I don’t want to be seen as heartless by being stoic, I want to be there for my grieving roommate. I’m so conflicted… How to find potential roommates in Edmonton? Feb 18, 2024 Hello everyone, I am probably moving out of my place or my roommate will be leaving so I was just wondering what website I use to find potential roommates? Facebook Reddit Instagram? Just curious where I go to find a new roommate preferably within the city limits Becuase I don’t have a car. I am sure there is some sort of website out there for Edmonton roommates… P.S. I am 33, male and I am a good roommate. My maximum would be 3 others in the same house because too many guys just gets confrontational. Roommate has gaslit my landlord into now renewing my lease, leaving me homeless in 8 weeks. Feb 26, 2024 Roommate gaslit my landlord to not renew my lease, leaving me homeless in 8 weeks time. My roommate is the biggest dick on earth. I have been living in this basement suite first and he moved in AFTER me. He broke my toe with a weight left by the door(I suspect intentionally) and in addition to that, he’s been intentionally rubbing it in my face that my girlfriend dumped me. (even though we’re just in a fight. She’s never even told me that we actually broke up.) Now he’s gone too far. He lied and told the landlord that I had smoked meth inside of the house, and along with a few other things, she notified me today that she would not be renewing my contract. So I have to leave by the end of April. He’s been a dick to me for no reason and it’s only been getting worse. I’ll give him credit, he’s a little snot nosed 22 year old prick who thinks he’s smarter and better than everyone, but he drinks beer like everyday and he gets terrible grades. I have 8 weeks left and Im sadistic enough that I can play the diabolical long game (like seducing his girlfriend and then laying with her, before I leave) but I would rather get him evicted and for me to renew my lease than play mind games with the poor sap. Please give me any ideas on how I could tell the landlord the real story and maybe get him evicted instead ? It’s so crazy to me that the landlord is just taking his word for it, when he’s got no proof! But at the same time, she isn’t required to renew my lease so she is technically not breaking the law. Is he not technically committing defamation? Or slander? He‘s a psychopathic manipulator, that will use everyone around him like pawns. He used the fact that I used to be an addict over 10 years ago as a way to gaslight the landlord into thinking I smoked meth in the house. I will get my revenge if it’s the last thing I do on Gods Green Earth. P.S. If you feel bad for my roommate, DON’T. I cleaned his fish tank and he used that as a reason to tell the landlord that I apparently ‘damaged his property.’ When I have literally evidence that I did nothing but clean it. I took before and after pictures and honestly he wouldn’t want me sharing them because the fish tank looked like a disgusting cesspool until I got my hands on it. It’s all your fault. Feb 29, 2024 Im a honey bee, and you’re a newly sprouted plant. I’m the first bug to enter you, to trust your pedal-ly embrace… we fit eachother like a pea-in-pod. And then your mask falls off. You’re not just an innocent plant, you’re a fucking Venus Fly trap. You snap your jaws shut and trap me… treat me like shit.. eat me alive until I’m hanging by a thread. Then you spit me out and leave me to die at my lowest point. I’m a honey bee with two broken wings and no honey. Rock bottom. You keep growing towards the blue sky as I lie there betrayed, broken. I was the first thing on Gods green earth to treat you right and you used me as a stepping stone to grow higher. F@&! you, you heartless c@!&, you just lost the best thing that ever happened to you. I was perfect to you, and I deserve so much better. I’m a honey bee that deserves his perfect Tulip, not a disgusting, wretched Venus Fly trap. Going to be running across Canada to raise money for charity. How to best prepare? March 1, 2024 Best way to get in shape for an across country marathon? Hello everybody, I am planning on running across Canada sometime next month to raise money for trans awareness. The problem is, I’m not in great shape at the moment but I used to be a high level basketball player and also ran cross country in highschool. What’s the fastest way I can get back into shape to prepare me for this heroic feat? Should I run long distances everyday or should I try to workout legs at the gym and build muscle? What’s the most important thing to improve on when running long distances everyday? Please help me as time is of the essence everybody ♥️🙏🏻 I’ve already committed to doing it so don’t try to convince me out of it. (Ex)Girlfriend won’t give my items back that I left at her place. How can I get them back legally? March 3, 2024 My girlfriend left me a few weeks ago, and hasn’t responded to any texts or calls since then. The problem is that i have left multiple expensive items at her place and I need them back, because I am really tight financially. Yesterday I waited outside her dorms all day until I finally ran into her outside the building and demanded to get my stuff back. First of all, this wasted 10 hours of my day just because she wouldn’t respond to texts or calls. Even worse, She said absolutely not, because she originally had bought the items for me, but wants to keep them now that we’re ‘over’. She’s claiming that since she paid for them and they were left at my house, they’re hers. It’s extremely frustrating and I need the items, will the police help me get into her dorm and take my items back? Or can I sue her? It’s Not like the items are worth thousands of dollars but the few hundred I could pawn them off for would really help me right now. Usually I wouldn’t care about a few hundred dollars but losing my job weeks ago has put in a desperate position. She bought the items but gave them to me as gifts for my birthday and our 6 month anniversary. The items include an electric shaver, a nice pair of shoes, a backpack and a pipe. It’s funny because I bought her an iPad, a VERY expensive promise ring (I’m talking over a thousand dollars) and a $300 makeup bag for our 6 month anniversary but she also refuses to give that back. So wtf is wrong with this person? This is practically stealing. Is there anything I can do legally or do I have to solve this myself?? Please let me know guys I’m in a real tight bind at the moment. ULPT request: Ate a noticeable amount of my roommates tacos, what is a good strategy or lie to get out of taking responsibility for it? March 6, 2024 My roommate cooked a lot of ground beef for tacos last night, and he had a lot of leftovers. He didn’t offer me any, even though I am struggling to financially buy groceries right now. I am not surprised he didn’t offer me any because we don’t get along, but he could’ve eaten them out of my sight and in his room. Today when he was gone, I helped myself to a taco because I knew he wouldn’t notice a minuscule amount of ground beef gone. Well problem is that I couldn’t help myself, I haven’t had good food in forever, and I ate another 3 tacos. Now there is like 1/3 of the ground beef left and it’s noticeable. How can I make up an excuse for the missing ground beef, without coming clean about eating it? My last resort is going to be to break the fridge shelf, and then telling him that it broke when I was putting milk away and his taco meat fell on the ground then I threw it out while cleaning up. This is a LAST RESORT due to me not wanting to be a dick and break our fridge just to cover up my lie. What is any good lie, or excuse, or trick I can do to cover up that I ate his tacos? Admitting the truth is NOT an option so don’t suggest ‘saying the truth’. He will be home in about 5-6 hours so please for the love of god give me ideas quick. Thank you 🙏🏾 P.S. do not suggest that I go buy ground beef, cook it and replace it either. I do not have the money to be wasting money on groceries trying to cover up my lie. I would typically never do something like this but I’m extremely down on my luck and my roommate convinced the landlord not to renew my lease so he kind of deserves this, a taco never hurt anybody. I made up a terrible lie yesterday to get out of a problem. I am going to make an intentional effort to always tell the truth, or at the very least, never tell a lie March 7, 2024 Yesterday I had messed up pretty bad and instead of taking responsibility for it, I made up an awful lie to get out of it. I’ve been feeling absolutely awful about it, and I’ve been racked with guilt. Why can’t I just take ownership and accept my mistake? Why do I need to make up a lie, and compound my mistakes? YES, the lie worked and I’m out of the situation scott-free but I need to change my lifestyle, and I need to change it now. I don’t want to live in a world where people think it’s okay to lie just because it’s easier, that’s so toxic. How can I work on never telling a lie? I want to take a vow of always telling the truth, or at the very least just keeping my mouth shut if I can’t say the truth. Please give me advice on how I could hold myself accountable and always be honest? Is there any tricks or do I just ‘decide’ to do it? I was sent a link to this Reddit community and I just went through it. What I’ve read is horrifying if it reflects the state of our society. March 7, 2024 You guys are disgusting. This is like a pack of vultures, picking at a Great Blue Whale while it’s still alive and swimming. It can’t come up for air because everytime it does, it gets bombarded by the sadistic vultures. Seriously, what the FUCK. Pardon my language but idgaf right now. You guys made a subreddit to insult me behind my back? And you named it METH-HORSE-GUY? Holy sh*t you’re idiots. I inquired about purchasing a horse for another person, and somehow this is a point of laughter? Don’t even get me started on the comments about meth. People like you are the reason addicts relapse. I don’t go outside of the gym and yell “FATASS!!” At people walking into the gym. Because I’m a good person, but judging by this sub Reddit there isn’t many people like us left out there. I’d love to see how bad you guys would look if there was someone Writing down and keeping track of everything you said, and then throwing it back in your face anytime You make a little mistake. Have I been my best self lately? No, I haven’t, but I just got out of a verbally abusive relationship and I’m still trying to get my mind right. Seeing an entire sub Reddit dedicated to making you look bad through paraphrasing and photoshopping doesn’t help a persons mental health. Have I done meth before? Yes. Have I done it recently? Once or twice, due to the harrassment from people on this platform. I literally tried raising money for Trans Awareness, and I was banned and attacked from all sides. WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE. You cannot be serious right now, what sort of ‘good’ person would do that. I only ended up getting $120 from e-transfer donations before I had to cancel the event because of how many death threats I got for it. I guess transphobia is still alive and well today #VoteLiberalorGreenParty To address the alt account situation that I’ve seen multiple times. No, I do not run a mysoginistic Alt account. I find that hilarious Becuase one of my life goals is actually to support a woman become a president of The United States of America. That’s how highly I think of women. And honestly I wouldn’t mind if she was bisexual or lesbian so that the LGBTQ+ community could also get some representation in positions of leadership. There is so many barriers for minorities, the queer community, and for woman. I will devote so much time and effort into tearing those barriers down, I will put my life on the line. Yesterday I committed to never lying again and today I will add on to that commitment, by adding in that I will get clean within the week and I will apply to work for the Liberal Party in Alberta. I don’t get how you guys see me as the bad guy and you guys as the good guys? This is like a bunch of nerdy highschool girls hating on the popular attractive girl. Look in the mirror people, look in the mirror. I am doing good, what do you guys have to possibly show for it? You’re creating more and more barriers for minorities and woman and it’s sickening. Last thing I’ll address. Global Radio, Blasmass, and JVNT have followed me into every sub I’ve ever commented in, and have caused drama and reported me to the moderators. Just recently, I got a message from NatureIsFuckingLit that I was permanently banned because of Global Radio. I have the screenshots. Now they are looking into my account for a permanent ban. I hope you 3 are happy, you guys just got a person banned for fighting for trans rights, supporting the environment and promoting woman into positions of power. (That’s right, I’ve been supporting woman behind the scenes without posting about it. Because I didn’t want to be called a hero, or get any praise for it). I wish my account got banned before I saw this cause after reading all this, i have no faith in humanity. Zero. And I’ve lost motivation to fight for the underdogs. I seriously don’t get how people can be so awful. But then I remember that jesus christ was nailed to a f***** cross and left to die, by other humans. I am in no way shape or form Jesus Christ, as I devotedly follow him, but I am just commenting on the brutality of human nature. P.S. my name isn’t methaniel. I don’t know if it’s a play on words or if one of you idiots soread a false rumor (which has been done countless times). That reminds me. Whoever has said that they have ‘seen’ my comment saying I met my ex when she was 13 is blatantly lying for attention. I didn’t even meet her until she was 18, let alone woo and then seduce. Falsely accusing someone of such a heinous act makes you guys as bad as false rape accusers. If you were one of those people, grow up a little will you? Maybe get offline and try to do something productive in the real world. F*** you all, this has been the worst month of my life and this sub Reddit was the cherry on top. Or should I say the nail in the coffin. And I hope you guys realize it’s possible to photoshop comment screenshots. A lot of the stuff I am seeing is completely fabricated and you idiots fall for everything you see. OOP included 5 pictures Pic 1. Terry Fox Pic 2. A Gay Pride Flag Pic 3. Terry Fox again Pic 4. A Green Earth Pic 5. Former U.S. Sec of State and Sen Hillary Clinton THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/inaaace on r/golf. trigger warnings: cancer, death mood spoilers: there are positive moments, but ultimately sad As this is a series of new updates that includes the original BORU post, it's long. The start of the new updates are marked with ▶️▶️▶️ May 5th, 2022 - I think we severely underestimate the mental benefit of golf, from a cancer patient's perspective. Alright, so I have cancer, a bad one. Diagnosed when I was 30, given very little chance of survival for 5 years, and still here 6 years later. Still have cancer too, though. Docs think that it will eventually kill me, be it in a year, 3, or 5 from now. I already exceeded all the stats and expectations, so anything from here on is a bonus. Not here for pity, really, plenty of that to go around. Now, when you’re 36 and actively dying while you have a wife and 2 babies is hardly a fun affair. In fact, it is not so much the fear of dying for me, but rather the fear of how my family will go on without me. Not trying to get all emotional here as it does weigh on you heavily throughout the day, especially in slow moments when you’re not actively running around. My buddy got me into golf some 6 months ago and I got obsessed. Being a former pro and DI athlete, I was sure it was the challenge and the difficulty of the game that enticed me. But I found myself playing solo a few days ago, almost nobody on this beautiful course, and I just stood in the fairway soaking it all in. The full spring trees swinging in the wind, the peaceful lake, no outside noise, no cars, no work action items, no Zoom and Teams, heck, even the chill ducklings walking across the fairway (not understanding that my drives will likely kill them because I can’t aim). It is precisely the serenity that this game offers that is often overlooked. I have an important scan coming up on Monday to show if cancer has spread and its inevitability is causing insomnia and consuming most of my thoughts. But for those 3 hours on the course (I play solo and finish 18 in 2.5 hours usually), cancer never enters my mind. Not once. I'm 4 days from learning my fate (and my family's, for that matter), but while I'm in that bunker trying not to have a quadruple-bogey meltdown, I'm not thinking if there's death looming inside me. It’s like death, uncertainty, and fear all get checked at the pro shop and once you walk onto the first tee, these are all just distant memories happening on the outside, their noise drowned in the sound of me shanking my drive. The only inevitable downside of playing golf is that it has to end. So when I get home and look at my round stats, I learn that my $15 driver isn't getting the distance I'd want, so I look at new drivers, but then I wonder if I'll live long enough to get to use it properly. Hard to justify buying a SIM2 big dawg if I'll swing it for a month. And just like that, you slip back into the morbidity of it all. No real purpose to this post, but perhaps do consider the privilege we have and the peace we get to enjoy when roaming these fairways. Duffing a chip shot is deflating, but the fact that you get to duff it is priceless. Keep duffing, friends. Update 1 May 10, 2022 Boys, the cancer is back. Help me plan a killer (no pun intended) 2 weeks of golf. Friends. Last week I posted this thread to describe how much golf has helped with finding peace amid dealing with what appears to be terminal cancer in my 30s. So many of you guys reached out, a couple of redditors even being so generous to offer their clubs, which wasn’t my intent at all, but your selflessness is truly heartwarming. This community can be brutal if you don’t hit your drives 400 yards, but boy do we come together when things are serious. Well, the scan results came in and 5 new spots of concern are showing. They are spread throughout the body, which is not a great sign. I will be doing some more tests and biopsies, but it seems that heavy chemo is in my cards once again. Deflated. The second the first drop of chemo enters my veins, my golf season will likely be over. These therapies are efficient but strong – they take your strength to where you’re having a tough time lifting so much as a remote, let alone a driver. Doc hasn’t called it yet, but to my cynical self, it looks like this may be the start of the end. Tough pill to swallow with two little kids and a wife, man. And with that, I want to hear your guys’ thoughts. The chemo likely won’t start for several weeks and I’m toying with the idea of taking 2 weeks off work and just trying to squeeze in as much golf as possible, maybe even 2 rounds a day. It fucking kills me, man, on my drive to Duke Cancer Center I stopped to play a round near Greensboro and I shot my best score yet, a 96 (5 months of playing, have mercy). Some things just clicked, and I thought, wow, I’m figuring this out. I even sank a 15ft putt for par on hole #18 and almost cried overcome with emotions of joy and uncertainty of what the scan is about to reveal. And boy did it reveal some things. So, on to the advice piece: do you think it’s a good idea to take 2 weeks off and aim to play 28 rounds, then carpet bomb my body in hope of living to see another season? I’m in Georgia but may be up to travel around. I’d have to make arrangements for someone to assist my wife with the kids while I’m off doing selfish bucket list activities. Are there courses that would be a must-play but also accessible in the next several weeks? What would you guys do in my situation? I’m open to any ideas here, fellas. It’s tough to think through the logistics of planning golf while I work on the logistics of not dying. And once more, I’m not the one for pity, so please don’t feel it for me. I’m 36, but I’ve lived a good life. I have an amazing wife and 2 beautiful boys. I played high-level basketball, earned a full ride, made it to the ESPN back in the day, published a book, flew a plane, survived an un-survivable cancer for 6 years so far, and I’m working on my Ph.D. which I hope I will have time to complete, even if bold and skinny. Wouldn't mind a title of Dr. on my tombstone ha (I like morbid humor, no worries). I enjoyed the company of beautiful women, saw many countries, and had amazing life experiences. I’m not the one to pity, believe me. I appreciate your thoughts as I get ready for this new adventure. And since my name appears in my comment history many times, here’s my story written by Duke Cancer Center blog. ​ Update 2 - June 2, 2022 Chemo starts in 5 days and I thought I'd provide an update on my golf cancer trip and how ridiculous this community is. So far, I’ve had cancer return 5 times, 5th occurrence being a few weeks ago. Funny enough, my brain never gets used to hearing it’s got an expiration date. As soon as those dreaded words land, the first reaction is “fuck” accompanied by the butterflies stampeding through my belly. Immediately after, in creep the images of my two little sons crying at night calling for dada and dada is chillin inside an urn in the garage next to unused sleeves of Kirkland balls. But then, rationality prevails and, after feeling sorry for myself enough, I start thinking about the things I can do. Obviously, my family and the treatment are my first considerations. My wife and boys to be safe and to get on the most potent poison they got in hopes of once more eradicating this thing. Then, personal desires come into play, which is what brought me to you guys a couple of weeks ago to ask for advice on where to play before my chemotherapy starts again. If I were to speak about every kind message, interaction, or gift I received, we’d be here all day. The selflessness, generosity, and kindness displayed by this community is not only heartwarming and comforting, but it stands in stark contrast to what most folks perceive golf to be about. The community here can scold you if you don’t hit your drives 320+ but find yourself in a foxhole and everyone shows up. I’d like to emphasize again that, while I was blown away and eternally grateful to you guys, my intention was never to benefit from my posts or my illness. Yet, I can’t help but feel that I benefited too much. In addition to hundreds of messages (which I’m still responding to) and displays of generosity, this whole thing snowballed into something I could have never imagined. In short, I ended up being a guest on a Golf Group Therapy podcast where we talked dying and chunking wedge shots. This was followed by an article in GolfWeek that spread across the internet. The crown jewel of the entire experience, however, was an invite from an incredibly kind redditor to play Pinehurst courses. There will be a Pinehurst produced video too featuring your guys' comments! Folks, Pinehurst indebted me forever. What started off as a couple of Reddit messages with a redditor who works there ended up with my family driving up to NC, staying at Pinehurst Resort, and playing the best courses that America has to offer. I was given tee times for #2, #3, and #4. I was given a caddy who caddied for Tiger, Rory, and Daly, amongst many others. To hear him tell stories of these legends who walked the same fairways as I felt very much like I was in a fairy tale. I 2-putted and heard a story about Daly sinking a 10ft putt with one hand and with a hot dog in his mouth. Hell, I had two videographers follow me while I played #4. You know what’s crazy? Here I am, 6 months into golf, barely grazing it under a 100, and all of a sudden, I’m walking Pinehurst courses with drone cameras and hall of fame caddies. Yes, I shanked plenty in 4K. The best time I’ve ever had. Scored 3 pars on #2! Cart girls were hitting on me because they thought I was famous with my height + cameras. They moved on soon after I chunked my 3rd shot. We walked into our room to be welcomed by a hand-written letter and a bag of Pinehurst goodies. At the first tee, the director of golf presented me with an engraved Pinehurst medal and a Pinehurst flag signed by all the staff. I cried on the first tee boys, and I never cry over dying. Still hit a 190 yard bomb off the tee. Here's the absolute honesty: walking these magical Pinehurst fairways caused an internal conflict, or war rather, of emotions. On one hand, it’d be every golfer’s dream to have this experience, let alone only 6 months into the game. I remain speechless at the opportunity I was given. On the other hand, such an outpouring of love really sobered me up to how serious my situation is. Pristine fairways, Tiger’s caddy, and getting par on #2 only come when attached to a terminal prognosis. Yet that wasn’t enough to even so much as put a dent into my experience there. I was truly happy. I couldn’t play all the courses you guys so generously invited me to, at least not at this time. Heavy chemo starts next Tuesday, and I’ll soon be walking around with a pump that’ll so kindly be pushing poison into me. While my doc holds hope that I’ll be able to sneak a round or two in during this period, my experience with these infusions suggests the opposite. I’ve played 33 rounds this year so far, and I’m hoping to push that to 50 before the chemo truly kicks in, which is likely in some 3 weeks. There’s a Hail Mary clinical trial that we’re working on to see if I qualify, but when you start considering Hail Marys, you’re likely to soon meet Mary’s son. Guys. You all have made this sticky situation infinitely better. Hell, you’ve poured Goo Gone with a firehose. In my 6 years of flirting with the afterlife, I’ve never felt such warmness from people. For a bunch of strangers spread across the planet to come together and offer help and tee times to someone like me is ridiculous. And to think, I kept refusing to get into golf because of its exclusivity and pretentiousness. Thank you. ▶️▶️▶️Update 3 July 6 2022 Checking in from the chemo chair boys, the poison is flowing freely, but I got my first birdie 🐦 yesterday so who really won My people, I come to you straight from the chemo chair today! - photo description (OOP stares at camera from a chemotherapy chair in a medical setting. He wears a green Masters tournament ballcap and a surgical mask). I’ve been getting so many messages checking in, so I figured I owed you an update. Before I started chemo 4 weeks ago, you might remember I asked for help choosing courses to play before the poison wipes me. I ended up having the time of my life being hosted at Pinehurst, and they made a video about it, featuring your guys’ comments. Don’t mind my atrocious-looking chicken-wing swing, I shot a 112 on #2. Best time ever - video link.. Also, please forgive the tears in the end, I'm usually your stereotypical man who don't cry no tears, but this got me. Then, a fellow Redditor Justin invited me to BMW Pro AM, where I tagged along for a round with him and a few celebrities, an NHL player, a racecar driver, and a Golf Channel/podcast host. The NHL player told us a story how he was fined $500+k in a single game - my mans was fined a two-story single-family home with 2 cars and he laughs it off before hitting a 300y drive, heh. They were really cool people, and they took me out to the racetrack after where I was driven Fast and Furious style. At the first turn I was afraid but then I realized I was already on my way to the grave and how cool would it be to die in a fiery wreck compared to hospice bed? Also, Justin arranged that Nike send me a pair of Jordans for golf, no biggie. As for the chemo, it fucking wrecked me, boys. The first round ended with puking every 30min for 48 hours straight. Biblical shit mates. It is so unbelievably counterintuitive to request max dose of chemo and beg them not to lower it when you’re barely hanging on by a thread. 2 days after the infusion I tell myself I'd rather die than do this again, and then 6 days after the infusion I ask them to keep the same dose, which they described as "never prescribed to a human before" due to my unusual height. They wanted to lower it by 20%, but I don't want 20% less chance of living so that I can feel 20% less suffering. It all blends into a single shade of black past a certain threshold. I feel like a cockroach getting sprayed with RAID; I flip on my back and stop kicking for 7 days and then flip back over and resume living. This shit dissolves your entire personality like an Alka Seltzer. Because treatments were 2 weeks apart and I only had 2 so far, I managed to squeeze in 2 rounds of golf at the very last night before each chemo infusion. The first round I puked 3 times but shot a 99, which I’ll take. Something got into me over a 5min period and I pured my 7 iron, the first shot went 235y and the second 220y. Never again did that happen. Last night’s round was a 101 score, only one vomit situation on the 18th fairway, and I got my first birdie ever! photo description - an aerial view of a golf course showing the distance of OOP's birdie. I was overjoyed, fellas, truly. It fucking sucks that the immediate thought after the birdie was “this is kinda poetic as it’s likely my last round for months, if not ever”. Cancer gets into everything, even the unrelated joy, man, like a shitty glitter (which is all glitter if we're being honest, don't tell my wife on Chirstmas) So that’s it my dudes, as I hit this submit button and you hit your tee shots, a fluid containing platinum is being poured into my veins. Fucking platinum, how ridiculous is it that you have to pump precious metals into yourself to have a miniscule chance of living, huh. I call it the Key Jewelers Special. Yesterday was exactly 6 years since the diagnosis that left me with an 8% chance of living 5. Let’s get it. In the end, I want to thank this community for such an outpouring of support. You dudes gifted me clubs, checked on me, sent me books. I made 3 friends during these adventures, and they will remain close to me. I am so thankful to you all. Onwards, Milos Update 4 - December 13, 2022 Still kicking boys, though I came pretty close to meeting my maker. I may have almost ended, but my golf plans sure have not My good people. So many messages of concern and questions about how I'm doing, I remain touched by you. I have to admit that the last four weeks were a wild ride and I'm considering optioning my story to Disney because they can’t possibly design a roller coaster as crazy as this. I checked into the hospital with nausea and two days later I was having an emergency brain radiosurgery photo description - OOP is in a hospital. His head is held in place by clamps,and he's wearing a nasal cannula. Two days later I developed a blood clot. Seven days later I developed a sepsis, the infection that nearly killed me as I coded in my room and ended up having 30 nurses slapping me asking me what year it was and who the president was. I was only able to answer that Biden was the president unfortunately, but it surely beats the alternative - at that point I was back although they told me that I was very close to checking out to Valhalla. On my way out of hospital, as I go away present they told me there are some spots in my lungs that are concerning for cancer spread. I'm now home and I'm more determined than ever to play golf or at least accomplish my biggest golf dream. Sadly I used to have plans to play golf as soon as I can as much as I can but the reality is that I'm far worse than I thought I would be at this point and things seem to be deteriorating. The bright spot is that the doctor told me I will be off chemotherapy for the next six months which will hopefully allow me recovery enough to do what I want to do. And that is complete my bag with a Scotty putter and go to the Saint Andrews Olde Course and play around. After that, from golf perspective, I'm ready to check out and start playing the sky courses. I gotta tell you fellas, I'm kind of heartbroken these days. Nearly dying in the hospital I realized just how fragile the life is regardless of having been sick for a long time and it just hit me that I could have gone without saying goodbye to my boys and all that would be left is them asking where is dada while I'm sitting in some freezer in the basement and that just breaks my heart. Now that I'm home from hospital I'm extremely cold and I occasionally wear gloves and my boy comes up to my room in the morning and brings me gloves and it fucking tears my heart to shreds that he has learned that already. I've made as many videos as I could so far for my boys, I started writing birthday cards for them and I just don't know what else to do to be remembered because they're so young. And I don't know why I care about being remembered because I don't think he will matter to me when I'm gone. But enough sobbing - I came here to tell you that I'm still alive and I'm still dying (no pun intended) to play golf and that I will accomplish these two dreams of mine. If I get better earlier I would love to play much more and play with so many of you who have invited me. I once again urge you to go out and play as much as you can and forget about excuses and everyday problems because you have the ability to play and you have the freedom to do so. ​ Update 5 May 2, 2023 Live from the chemo chair with an update. Boys, it's been rough. My boys, my unlikely community of support. I should be sobbing on one of those confession subs, but this community has carried me through the past year in such a manner that I’m not sure I’d still even be here without you. I wish I come with better news, but here I am, in yet another chemo chair, worse looking than ever. Photo description - OOP is in a medical setting wearing a black baseball cap with a golfing emblem on it and surgical mask. Since the last time we spoke, I have had 3 additional Gamma brain surgeries, which was absolutely brutal. After all this we were all hopeful of a modicum of success, but one day I was taking a nap and got a message from my doctor that “tumors on my brain were too numerous to count.” When you get hit with that, you naturally want to look up and curse out a god you don’t even believe in. So, we did more brain work and reached some sort of steady state, only for cancer to spread to my hips, lower back, and ribs. Such a feeling of defeat, receiving this news on the phone as my 1.5-year-old is hugging me by my knees because he’s still too little to reach. I tried talking to my 4-year-old about dad having a big ouchie and needing to go up in the sky soon, but he would refuse to understand why he couldn’t join me or stay with me there. That he’ll never see me again. That I’ll never sneak him another sour patch kid and get in trouble with mom. I’m writing this through tears so forgive my writing, not to mention this isn’t my first language. My youngest, I was hoping I’D die before he started recognizing me but now, he runs to me with joy, happy, saying “DADA” and all I can see is the heartbreak headed directly his way. So, what is there left to do? Nobody can give me a date. I am nearly certain thar I won’t be seeing 2024. I’m currently on new chemo and radiation with little hope of working, I do have a golf and non-golf bucket list that I cut down to the biggest ones, though those too now seem unreachably far away. I REALLLY wanted to see Japan. That as always on the top of the bucket list. Japan seems as distant in miles as it does in possibility of reaching it. I would’ve loved to attend a major, and with Master’s behind us, chances of that are significantly diminished since I’m in Georgia. St. Andrew’s Olde Course, this place ha always represented an impossibility for me, but I dream of walking up to kneel on that 18 green and just kiss it. I feel like I could then look up and tell him to rake me away. That’s pretty much it, boys. The thing is, some of these are doable, but with 2 babies at my knees, I can’t justify filling my bucket list with money my boys will need for food, or school… I did come back because I’m not fucking quitting on golf. This Saturday I’m “playing” in a scramble tournament. My docs guarantee my rib will shatter during a swing because cancer has made it too brittle, but fuck it boys, do I even need all my ribs in hell? I want to keep playing through pain, nausea, and fatigue. Golf has become such an inextricable component of my life that I cannot die without it. Duke Cancer Center invited me to speak and play at their annual cancer tournament, but that’s in September which is kind of too ambitious into the future. So here I am fellas, naked, skinny, and shattered in front of you. Why? I don’t know, you provide me comfort and humor in the times when both re scarce, and I come back to you like a fiend. Love you peeps. I truly do. E: I created a Gofundme finally but I can't share it here. If you are interested, please mesage me. Tons of love and gratitude. ​ Update 6 - May 3 2023 Your boy Inaaace is going to St. Andrew's next month, and it is all absolutely thanks to you guys. Speechlesss. My boys, my people, my family. I can’t even begin to describe the previous 24 hours and how much you guys have changed my life. I honest to God 100% did not intend to create a GoFundMe because to me nine times out of 10, it’s people taking advantage of willing, kind people like yourselves. Although I didn’t plan it, after the assistance of literally hundreds of you, I just felt compelled to create a GoFundMe. Unfortunately, according to this sub’s very reasonable Reddit rules, I wasn’t able to post the link but I can tell you that it’s been shared over p.m. hundreds of times and we have now reached more than 200% of the initial goal of $5000. If anyone out there, still interested in a link, please, PM, me through this point, it seems like complete absolute greed on my end since you guys went above and beyond of what I even visualized. You afforded me to live in the luxury of looking at some new clothes for the trip, which is always exciting to me. you have given me excitement and happiness, even before the trip not to mention during it. Fellas, believe me, there were some gloomy days these days, but today for the first time in I don’t know how long I woke up with cancer not being the first thing on my mind. You guys were. What does that mean? It means that your boy Milos is going to Scotland to play at the Old Course!!! This may be the first time in my life that I use three !’s non-sarcastically. You made this happen, nobody else but you. The best part is that I’m so limited on time as you can imagine I will be going soon and I’m looking at June 7-12 to be in the area playing the links courses and especially the Old Course should I be able to get a teetime. This is why I need the assistance of my Scottish fellows, who jumped into the thread yesterday with the help around logistics, and especially getting a time at St. Andrews, which I hear is less than easy. For example. Enigma1984 and ChunderSThompson are from the area and offered help with the logistics so I come Asking if you can help in any way with logistics around scheduling. Even advising on what to do in between the rounds would be amazing and of course, sharing a pint would be warming my heart to meet such incredible people. Anyone else who has any knowledge of packages for St. Andrews? Please let me know. It seems like that’s the route to go with getting the tee times done. My wife will also be emailing St. Andrews today. I simply cannot believe that I am going to St. Andrews, and I will be walking the bridge and I will be kissing the grass on the 18th. I am in absolute tears writing this because I can’t comprehend that this would ever happen to me and it is exactly you who made it possible. I am intimately, forever and completely indebted to you that I will never be able to repay it, but I will document every single step of my journey as the least I can do for my people here. Finally, I will be traveling with a Redditor who originally reached out to me to come to play Pinehurst, and since we became friends, and this was his dream to it looks like he will be joining me which is unbelievable. Of course, I will be taking my boys and my wife as well and we might even stay in London for a few days after since she has a lot of family there. If any of you have any advice to chip in, I am all ears. In the end, I thank you infinitely, as I remain grateful for however long I live and hell, if there is an afterlife I will be grateful there to you, and will be boring all the angels up there with the stories of my trip to St. Andrews. Update 7 Today is the day u/Inaaace has arrived 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 On June 9th 2023, OOP fulfilled his dream of playing at St Andrews. Photos in the thread linked above were posted by EnviousMule and were embedded into the thread. In the first, OOP holds a golf club on a large golf course. In the second, his hand is shown holding a yellow golf ball that says "Milos and r/Golf Were Here 2023" ​ January 20, 2024 Final update in r/NoSleepOOC, which is the offtopic subreddit for r/nosleep, a fiction sub where OOP used to post stories. The unfortunate loss of a wonderful talent.by u/cmd102 It is with our deepest sympathy that we announce the death of an OG nosleeper, u/inaaace (Milos Bogetic) Author of popular stories such as I am a grown, logical man, crying tears of horror right now. Or the story of her holding an orange. and I was a part of Queen's Guard in England - One of the rare jobs where you aren't allowed to move, no matter what stands in front of you., as well as I was an Air Traffic Controller at Atlantic Municipal Airport, Iowa for 27 years. My first year at the job, I unwillingly went from a firm atheist to a believer u/inaaace was a force to be reckoned with in the world of short horror stories. As some of you may remember, u/inaaace announced his battle with cancer several years ago. He battled long and hard, but ultimately succumbed to the disease last night. We would like to send our love and prayers to his family, friends, and anyone who loved him. Our love and prayers also go out to the r/golf community, which he frequented often as a beloved member of the community. You can find a heartwarming tribute to him here. Rest in piece, Milos. submitted by /u/frieden7 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/veronikaandherself Originally posted to r/relationship_advice My (26F) fiancé (28M) told me I wouldn’t be able to pull anyone else and I’m offended. How do I manage my emotions? Trigger Warnings: emotional abuse and manipulation, verbal abuse, misogyny   Original Post - November 2, 2023 Me and my fiancé have been together for almost 5 years, engaged for 6 months. We’ve never had issues where one of us was mad for a long time until this, and he, my mom and friends think that I’m overreacting. I had a dream some nights ago that I ended up dating a famous actor by accident. We’ve both had dreams where crazy things happened and told each other about it. I told him in the morning, and we laughed about it, however, he made a comment about how my dreams are always extremely delusional. I asked him to elaborate, thinking it would be something funny, and instead was met with a comment about how I wouldn’t be capable of pulling someone half as attractive as said actor, let alone him. I was taken aback, and he doubled down and told me to be realistic, that most men wouldn’t even look my way because I look like I’m already taken and stopped looking interesting some time ago, and now even more with the engagement. I told him that I don’t want any men to look my way, but the implication of his words hurt me. He told me it was irrelevant because we’re together and I wouldn’t leave him, and to stop being offended over something I asked, and left. For the record, my weight, hair and general appearance have stayed the same, and I’m lowkey high maintenance, so this isn’t me letting go or something. I called my mom for reassurance, and she agreed I was overreacting. I called my friends for the same purpose and was met with the same response. I feel very hurt because I love my fiancé and find him very attractive, and I know other people do. I am grateful that he chose to be with me, and that makes me value him even more. I thought he thought the same about me, but apparently he thinks I wouldn’t ever leave him because I can’t pull anybody? That somehow is making me feel like he doesn’t value me as I do. And worst of all, that I may be wrong for how I feel but can’t control it. Am I overreacting? If so, how can I manage this so this doesn’t affect us long term? It’s been almost a week and he is still being short with me because “I look like I’m miserable about a petty thing.” I just want things to go back to normal. ETA: The actor was Adam Driver, I’ve had a few DMs asking this. In case it is relevant. ETA2: My closest friend group is a 4 girls group, where I’m the only one with a relationship/that has been in one. Another detail someone messaged me to include. I do have other friends, but I haven’t told them anything given the response I got from my closest circle. Finally, I have a loooong history of being super sensitive. I’ve cried over minor things my whole life, which is why is not surprising for my closest ones to immediately call me out on it. I’m on therapy addressing that, my pushover nature and my self esteem issues. Thank you to everyone that has commented and given me support and reassurance. I will be forcing him to talk to me today, to see if this is in any way salvageable or if I just lost half a decade of my life lol. RELEVANT COMMENTS These-Resource3208: That doesn’t sound healthy. Has he shown this type of response in the past? As a man, I feel like my response would have been something along the lines of “if you left me for Brad Pitt, I wouldn’t even be mad.” And also as a man, i would expect the same from my SO, not some demeaning response. OOP: Never, that’s why I was so taken aback. He has refused to talk about the issue, as he says is a non-issue. We’ve openly discussed celebrity crushes in the past, and even this particular actor, who I don’t find attractive. I honestly came out of the blue, I had no idea he thought that. takeahikehike: Your fiance called you ugly, and said that he is allowed to treat you poorly because you're too afraid to leave him. This is who you want to spend the rest of my life with? I called my mom for reassurance, and she agreed I was overreacting. People often get into relationships that mirror their parents' in some way. The fact that you got into a relationship with someone who acts like this is probably in part a result of your mom raising you to have low self esteem and to prioritize the security of a relationship over being treated well. Her advice is bad. OOP: I’ve had self esteem issues in the past. I’m currently in therapy and doing so much better, even so my fiancé helped me really be comfortable in my body. This feels so out of character for him, and it’s the first time he’s reacted angry towards me. I was honestly at a loss. nerdgirl71: How is it a non issue if you’re upset? That makes it an issue. OOP: I have a long history of being upset at “non-issues” because I’ve been told multiple times I’m overly sensitive. It’s getting better and I’m getting better, this really was out of the blue but it did set me back a couple steps. Shelly_895: Who told you they were non-issues? Any specific examples? OOP: Usually my family. I’m the second oldest, but oldest girl in the family. When expectations were different for me than my older brother or younger sister, and I tried to object, those would be called non-issues, and I always was the one to compromise and deal with it. In the relationship I can just think of one previous instance for something that was a “non-issue”, which was a minor fight regarding chores, where I got pissed at him because he didn’t wash dishes properly. This became a “you’re ungrateful because he helps” from my immediate female family members.   Update - December 23, 2023 Hi everyone, I’ve getting messages regarding my previous post and also people asking how I’m doing. I’m doing good, and I would like to thank everyone who took the time to comment, reassure me and even share resources for me. The TL/DR is that I’m going into the holidays as a single woman. Did try to talk it out and solve it like adults but my ex was uncooperative and childish, to say the least. For those of you who want the details here goes: First, you gave me the courage to reach out to my other friends outside my closest circle, and they were shocked by what happened and told me not to brush it off. They echoed many of your comments, and even called it negging too. Also, my therapist backed up my feelings and said I needed a straight-up chat with my partner and to set some clear boundaries and decide what’s best for me and what I wish to enforce as my non-negotiables. Second, I did follow someone’s advice and started going out more with my supportive friends. My birthday actually fell in between these dates and I decided to celebrate it by bar hopping in my city and it went great. My ex was invited (we were still together at that point) and was sulking the whole time because I did get external attention (which I shut down). Finally, what happened with my now ex. After talking with my therapist, I did explain my feelings to him again and reiterated that those comments will not be tolerated if we were to continue in the relationship. I also said we needed counseling as a couple because this could stem from insecurities from both sides. He did not apologize, but rather justified his actions under three arguments, and yes, these came from a 28 year old man: I do look less interesting, and it’s unfair to use my birthday as an example of me attracting anyone because I was “catfishing” as a younger woman, as the girls I invited are mostly 22-24. Adam Driver (the actor I dreamt about) is taller than him. We’re both 5’7 and he is insecure about it, so dreaming with people taller than him is disrespectful and emasculating. Even if (his words) I’m objectively attractive, ever since I started therapy I became “cocky” and “more demanding”, so he took the chance to “bring me back to earth”. All of this was a shock to me, I felt as if the man I was with for the last five years was not there anymore. This was a complete 180 from what he was before, and I do believe is a mix of “slipping off the mask” after the engagement and the fact that he changed jobs to a male dominated corporation and those new friends did give me a weird vibe regarding their stance on women and equality. Regardless of what prompted this change I ended it. Returned the ring, packed a bag with my essentials I had at his place and left while he threw a tantrum. He was super uncooperative in returning some of my remaining stuff, he sent things in trash bags full of glitter and won’t let me enter his apartment anymore. He also sent me all of the star wars movies with Adam Driver in them broken and destroyed, lol. This made all of the pain I felt almost immediately disappear, which feels weird because I did love him and it was a long relationship, yet I grieved for like a week only. I did count my losses and just accepted some things I won’t get back, blocked him and haven’t heard or seen him since. Thank God it’s a big city. My immediate circle of friends was cut off, as they valued more going to a wedding than my well-being. I’m LC with my mom, and am being supported by my dad and siblings. I’ve continued therapy, did a Friendsgiving celebration and I’m bracing myself for the holidays with my family. I’m mostly okay, relearning to be on my own, to validate my feelings and currently debating whether to send a thank you card to Adam Driver. Thanks everyone for reading, happy holidays!   THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP. submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not the OOP. Originally posted by u/Throwwaaway22 (who has since deleted their account) to AITA a year ago. Update was added to OOP's original post. Also, a summary of this was posted last year to r/weddingdrama by u/BJintheRV, and that poster included a final comment by OOP's BF that I will append to this post. TRIGGER WARNING: RACISM ORIGINAL Originally posted in 2022 Throw away account although my sister in law will probably recognize the story anyway so I don’t know why I even bother. I don’t think what I did was an AH move at all but maybe the timing was a bit off but No, I don’t think I’m an AH full stop My (f27) sister in law (f30) got married last weekend. She’s my long term boyfriend’s (m32) sister. They’re white and I’m Middle Eastern. And a dark one with raven black hair. She was looking for a photographer that didn’t bankrupt her so I suggested a friend of mine who’s new in business and charged less than half because these things cost over € 5k these days. She was excited and I set a group chat with her and my photographer friend. We talked a little and later they met and they started messaging directly to each other. The wedding was amazing and everything went smoothly. I was one of the guests and she seemed happy. The next day they went off to their honeymoon. I don’t know if it was by mistake but instead of texting the photographer directly like she’s done for the past few months she texted him to our old iMessage chat. She thanked him but had a favor to ask him and wondered wether he could retouch some asymmetry in the (flowers archway? I’m sorry I don’t know the right terms in English) but also if he could take me off some photos because I’m too dark and ruined the color palette. Not all pictures. Just the ones she’s in. I texted back are you kidding me? She didn’t answer. I took a screenshot and posted it on my insta story tagging her in it. She called my bf crying her eyes out calling me an ah for embarrassing her and ruining her honeymoon. Bf thought it was a low blow. I was blinded with rage when I did it but even now I’m calm I still don’t feel that I was an AH. But people have been contacting her apparently asking if she really wrote this. She’s so beautiful and successful so please don’t blame it on jealousy or scare of being outshined. UPDATE (posted shortly after original post) 1) Sister in law is still on her honeymoon so I haven’t talked to her yet but she’s bombarding my bf demanding that I apologize and make a new insta story with my apology. More people got involved including my Bf’s mother that thought I was way out of line ruining her daughters wedding. I have also got contacted by my sister in law’s friends, some of them told me stories about what she’s been talking about me behind my back. Yeah she got what she deserved. The amount of her friends that weren’t surprised at all with her text made it clear for me that I wasn’t wrong. My sister in law is self employed with some foreign customers thats why she’s taking it so hard because she’s scared that would affect her career. I don’t feel like I need to save her career should something bad happen to it. 2) My photographer friend did what he was told. Thats the only right way imo. Being professional and not confuse work with his own values. He asked me if I wanted him to say something and I said no. I also asked him not to tell me what they’re texting since she’s his client so he shouldn’t break confidentiality. He’s just starting his career and he will meet worse brides. She was at least nice to him throughout their interaction. 3) now to my bf. As I said he thought this whole thing was uncomfortable. I told him if he wanted to be with me he needed to discuss uncomfortable topics. He opened up and it was actually deeper than this. This has happened before. His uncle is very rich and for his 60th birthday he had a very big party. As a thank you we received thank you cards with our pictures on it professionally taken. I remember this picture because his uncle had a “red carpet” moment when guests were photographed upon their arrival. Later we went to my bf’s mother to see the rest of the photos and I wasn’t in any of them. I thought it was funny how I literally evaded being caught on camera. I never mentioned this or even reflected on it and while my bf and his family were looking at the pictures and discussing the evening it was just so normal and no one mentioned something out of the ordinary. Today he told me that I was photoshopped off the pictures. Everyone in his family knew it but me. At the time they just thought the uncle could choose whoever he wanted to have in his pictures and they moved on -but you all kept it from me -yes -so you must’ve thought it was hurtful -i did, I asked my family not to tell you -and we continued going to that uncle. Celebrated some Christmases, Easters and vacations with him? Silence -you didn’t feel offended on my behalf? Silence -and now you think it’s okay that your sister is doing the same? -I didn’t think of it that way I know my sister. She nit a racist. -if it wasn’t racist why is she feeling “embarrassed” now? Silence -you think what she did was alright? -of course not! -will you just stand and watch when this happens to our children -OF COURSE NOT. I know my bf very well. He’s very kind and I never felt he was racist in anyway. I know he’s not stupid and is aware of these things which makes it worse because it just means he doesn’t care enough. I asked him why he didn’t care enough and he said he was so sorry but he knows me to be a strong girl that never let these petty things affect her. He’s right, I normally ignore 99% of the racism and micro aggressions I face in life and even laugh at the ignorance. We even discussed this before. But does being strong mean that people are entitled to try to hurt me? Because I usually don’t let them? Does it mean I wouldn’t appreciate to feel the support of my bf having my back? Don’t strong women deserve being supported by their loved ones and feeling safe and loved? He couldn’t answer this. I told him that I never want his sister in my life again or his uncle and probably not his mother either if she still wants me to apologize. I don’t want to surround myself with people like them and especially when I have children and I asked him if he’s willing to live like that. I asked him not to answer me now and think about it. It kinda felt like an ultimatum and thats bad but I didn’t know how to handle the situation better. I never thought of myself as someone who’s petty or that makes ultimatums. This experience taught me that I’m both🤷🏽‍♀️ And thank you for the NTA judgment submitted by

I am not OOP. This was originally posted by u/sillygooseiguess on r/TwoHotTakes. -- AITA for hating my husband's Mother's Day gift when I haven't received it yet? - 13 May, 2023 The day I'm writing this is the day before Mother's Day. I have spent the whole day (or week, more accurately) in and out of tears. I started reminding my husband about Mother's Day a month ago. I told him exactly what I wanted: one of those viral book bouquets with a couple of books from my wish list. I sent him screenshots of my TBR, and then again two weeks later as a way to remind him. The reason why I even reminded him so early is because he has a tendency to put things off until he forgets about them completely-- and unfortunately I think this is the case for a lot of heterosexual men. For my last birthday, we did absolutely nothing. He blamed it on the fact we were flying out to head home the next day-- but that was not for my birthday. That was for Christmas. And I didn't even want to fly home, HE did. The birthday before that, he wasn't even in town. He was on a dirt biking trip with his brothers. He didn't do anything with my reminders, my screenshots of my wish list. Did not buy any books. Has not bought anything at all, period. And it's the day before Mother's Day. To give him credit, he did talk to me a few nights ago about this "spa" that he found in our area I could choose a couple services from as his gift to me. The services offered were a couple of facials, brow treatments, or waxing options-- none of which I need or even remotely hinted at wanting to get done. I politely told him, "I'm sorry but don't think I need any of this." And he just kind of shrugged his shoulders and is now back at square one. Since he never bought me any books, I bought some for myself. The package came today, and when he asked what it was I told him it was my Mother's Day gift to myself since he never got them for me. He went into our bedroom and pouted, said nothing. I am so angry and so hurt. I have told him from the very beginning of our relationship that I refuse to end up in a marriage like my parent's, and that's exactly where we are headed. I wanted to avoid the cliché last-minute purchased flowers and candy so badly. And I would still try to appreciate them, if he even got them at this point. I was asking him if he had plans to go to the store some time today and he said he didn't. He's currently sitting on the couch beside me watching YouTube videos on his phone. I told him exactly what to do, exactly what I wanted, and he ignored it. I do not understand why. Why do I have to work so hard to get someone to show they care about me? To show they LIKE me? I truly am so confused, so heartbroken. All I know is, I WILL be keeping the same energy for Father's Day.So, AITA for hating my Mother's Day gift even when I have yet to receive it? EDIT: For those asking, we have a one-year-old son. Also for those stating my husband shouldn't need to get me anything or do anything for me since I'm not his mom, what's our one-year-old supposed to do? Shit in my hand? There is absolutely wrong with a husband showing appreciation towards the woman that's working hard to raise his kids. EDIT #2: For the people who clearly see the underlying message here, thank you. Despite the literal title of my post, at the end of the day, this is NOT about materialistic gifts. It's about effort and showing gratitude. Sorry for those of you who do not see that in this post. I understand not everyone reads through the comments, so I will add this here as well: I would love anything— breakfast in bed, crumbl cookies, a clean house, a day to myself, a homemade card, whatever. The only reason why I’m “upset” over a “gift” is because I thought getting me a gift would be the easiest thing for him to do in our situation. (Since our kid is so young and we don't have any family/help around since we moved away.) I laid it out for him completely and he still did nothing. Granted, there is still time. He could pull something out last minute. I’m just really in my feelings right now. Made a post out of anger. EDIT #3: A few more things: I’m so sorry there are so many of you that can relate. There are quite a few people getting hung up on his spa attempt. Maybe I should go into more detail. He had not booked anything yet. If he had gone ahead and did it, I would have gone and been totally fine with it. But when he told me he was thinking about doing something like that, he was asking what I would want to get done at that particular place. I told him my honest opinion, that I didn’t want any of it. I really didn’t think so many people would get hung up on that shred of detail, but you’re clearly missing the bigger picture here, in my opinion. You’re really just picking and choosing what you want to read. It was a last-minute offer. It wasn’t thoughtful, it was a quick google search. Why would I want him to spend hundreds of dollars on something I didn’t want in the first place? Especially when a couple of stupid books are 10x cheaper. The heterosexual men comment was sexist and I apologize for hurting anybody’s feelings with that take. I should clarify that is the norm for the men in my life to be forgetful and to not be grateful for the women in their lives. My husband did not start out this way. While we were dating/engaged he was very thoughtful in so many ways. Maybe becoming parents is what flipped the switch.I will post an update tomorrow but my hopes are not high. I’m thinking of turning off comments because this has gotten bigger than I expected and it’s getting a little overwhelming, but for those of you that have been kind regardless of your stance, thank you. Truly. -- UPDATE - 14 May, 2023 For those of you that said I’d feel stupid the next day, you were right. I do feel stupid. I feel stupid for ever thinking that my husband would try to give me the same treatment that I give to him on his special holidays. I feel stupid for laying out a step-by-step process for him to take the pressure off of finding me a gift, and then have him completely disregard it. I feel stupid for begging someone to show me they appreciate my efforts to raise our child, manage a household, and devote 100% of my time and energy into our family. The only thing different about today was that he put up our window blinds— something that I’d been asking him to do since we moved into our new house four months ago. Guess that counts for something. There were a lot of people concerned about what I do for him on Father’s Day & birthdays. For Father’s Day last year I planned a 2-day camping trip at his favorite cabin site and rented jet skis and prepped all of his favorite camp meals. For his birthdays I make him a dessert and a dinner from scratch every year unless he wants to go out, and we do everything else he wants. I’ve get him tools he’s been talking about wanting, I’ve gotten him new clothing items and shoes that he wants replaced, I get him things that go along with the hobbies he’s taking interest in. Bottom line, I put in too much effort to receive less than the bare minimum in return. I don’t give a shit if that makes me a “narcissist” or “materialistic” or “selfish” or “self absorbed” as a lot of you have called me in my messages. I deserve a partner that fucking cares. I deserve a partner that takes note of my interests and makes me feel listened to and respected. I deserve a partner that shows me through their actions how much I matter to them. Not with some what-if bullshit about fucking spa treatments. My kid deserves a better role model than that. Better yet, my kids future SPOUSE deserves a better role model than that. I think it’s funny how there were comments saying “just wait for tomorrow, maybe he’ll surprise you” as if I didn’t know this would be the outcome. As if I hadn’t been reminding him for a month in advance to avoid this. As if the pattern of him dismissing my days to feel special wasn’t a common pattern. And no, I didn’t marry him and trap him with a baby because I thought he’d suddenly change. He did change, but only because he used to be so thoughtful and sweet before. While we were dating and engaged, he always did so much for me and made me feel so loved. I don’t know why that has changed. Maybe parenting has taken a larger toll on our relationship than I thought. I really don’t know. For the others that have gone through this same situation, thank you for your kindness and support and your love. I appreciate it all so much. I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day, if that’s applicable to you. ❤️ As for me, I’m spending my Mother’s Day having a very long conversation about what we should do next. EDIT: Already adding an edit because I can already see these kinds of comments coming— I am not demanding or expecting my husband to go all out for me in return of what I do for him. What I DO expect is some real, genuine effort. EDIT #2: Just one final blurb before I go. I can’t help but notice how the majority of the people who are tearing apart what I’ve said word for word, name-calling, sending me vile hate messages and threats, critiquing how I reacted, or telling me I don’t deserve to be treated well are predominantly male. The irony is hysterical. -- REMINDER: I am not OOP submitted by /u/rickysayshey to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Disclaimer: A lot of what happened has been kept private by both sides. I tried to stick only to known facts and fan response. Any speculation is kept to a minimum, and clearly labeled as such. What is Critical Role? Critical Role is a group of nerdy-ass voice actors who sit around and play Dungeons and Dragons. The group started off as friends, all of whom were professional voice actors. It'd take way too long to list all of their roles, but suffice to say that if you've ever watched an anime dub, or played a AAA videogame, odds are you've heard at least one of them. The group got together to play a D&D session for Liam O'Brien's birthday, and enjoyed it so much they started a long running campaign (for non-TTRPG people, a campaign is a number of sessions with the same characters, working towards bigger goals). In 2015, Geek and Sundry producer Felicia Day heard about the game and approached the group about streaming it as part of Geek and Sundry's content. They agreed, and the first stream exploded. It was a perfect storm situation: Geek culture was becoming mainstream at the same time as D&D was experiencing a resurgence in pop culture with the simplified fifth edition. Combine that with a group of professional actors, writers, and comedians, and a near total lack of competing D&D streams, and Geek and Sundry had a hit. The show exploded, and has been going steady ever since, eventually separating from Geek and Sundry to become their own company. They're currently on their third campaign, and have produced a successful animated TV adaptation (doing so through a record breaking $11,300,000 kickstarter), several books, multiple comics, and an official partnership with Wizards of the Coast to make official D&D content. A Twitch leak revealed Critical Role to be one of the highest grossing streamers on the platform, making over three million a year from the stream alone. They also kicked off a Renaissance of other D&D streams, with everyone and their grandmother deciding that they'd be the next CR. A niche market with a handful of streamers became a massive genre, with thousands of options. In most other writeups on this sub, this would be the point where I reveal that the cast are secretly Nazis/domestic abusers/scammers, but... (so far), that hasn't happened. They started a charity organization and have donated frequently; they're generally friendly and down to earth with fans; they use their position of power to advertise lesser known content creators; they've made an increasing point of including diversity both in their fantasy world and staff. The only major cast drama occurred very early on when Orion Acaba got kicked out (read u/GoneRampant's writeup for more), and even that was handled quietly and maturely. While drama absolutely happens, it's almost always with the fans, not the cast. Honestly, it's more than a little freaky how non-dickish they are. However, as you may have guessed by the sub, drama did come. Not for the main cast, but for one of their friends and employees: Brian Foster. Who is Brian Foster? Brian had begun dating cast member Ashley Johnson back in 2012. In 2016, after the show had taken off, Brian appeared on an episode to announce his new show, Talks Machina, a weekly recap where he'd chat with some cast members, show off fan art and cosplay, and answer fan questions. The show became popular pretty fast: fans got extra content and a look behind the scenes, plus, Brian had good charisma and a rapport with the cast. Brian's role expanded as the show separated from Geek and Sundry. He continued making Talks Machina (which would run for a total of 161 episodes), and he also did a serious series called "Between the Sheets", where he'd do longer one on one interviews with the cast (and later other guests). Unlike the more jokey Talks Machina, Between the Sheets was far more serious. The cast opened up about mental health issues from depression to body dysmorphia, Marisha talked about how she had been sexually assaulted and harassed, and Sam discussed his experiences on 9/11. The show received massive positive feedback, especially for Brian, who got a chance to show off his skills as an interviewer. Occasionally, Brian would show up in oneshots with the cast, and even ran a mini campaign, Undeadwood. Overall, while he never got as popular as the main cast, Brian built up his own fanbase. He was genuinely good as an interviewer, and was charismatic and funny enough to carry Talks Machina (as fun as the idea is, getting people to watch an extra hour of content recapping the four hours of content they just watched isn't easy). So where's the drama? Critical Role is known for being a generally positive and welcoming environment, both from the cast and the fans. However, because we can't have nice things, some of that has turned into "toxic positivity". Criticism of the cast or show (valid or not) is often met harshly, and dismissed out of hand. Matt Mercer even spoke out about it, asking fans to allow criticism, and to avoid dogpiling (for fuck's sake, why can't these people just go mad with power?). The main subreddit, r/criticalrole has a serious problem this. The sub's detractors accuse it of fostering toxic positivity by removing and banning any instances of critique, especially during the shitshow that was Exandria Unlimited. The sub's mods defend themselves, saying that the rules are necessary to prevent more harassment or bigotry towards the cast. Like most things on the Internet, the truth lies somewhere in the middle, but that's not what we're here for. The problem was Twitter (mark your HobbyDrama bingo cards) While at Geek and Sundry, the cast was heavily encouraged to interact with fans on Twitter, in order to grow the brand. As they got bigger, most of the cast toned this down... but not Brian. Brian had an unfortunate history with the exact kind of dogpiling and toxic positivity that Matt had wanted fans to avoid. It started off mostly innocuously: the Internet is a generally shitty place, and CR involved women and queer people in a hobby that had often been for straight white guys. Brian was defending his friends against harassment and trolls, right? However, as time went on, the line between "troll" and "anyone who criticizes the show" started to become more and more blurred. Before long, a pattern emerged: Brian would retweet or quote critics and respond angrily (often without actually rebutting the critique). Later, he'd delete the tweets, and potentially issue a half hearted apology (or pretend it never happened). While that happened, his fans would inevitably mob the person involved, often leading to people deleting their tweets or accounts. Every now and then (often when he started getting serious backlash), he'd talk about how toxic Twitter was, and delete his account, only to pop back up again. But hey, everyone can be a bit of a dick on Twitter, right? I mean, it's not like he dedicated an entire Talks Machina episode to hating on a fan for a mild critique. Brian dedicated an entire Talks Machina episode to hating on a fan for a mild critique. A fan made a Reddit post criticizing the new Taks Machina (TL;DR, they folded their more fun and relaxed "After Dark" segment into the normal show). The fan in question thought that Talks was becoming too silly and goofy, and wanted it to go back to how it was. Fans debated, but it was (generally) pretty mundane and boring. It's a tale as old as time: something shifts to appeal to a bigger group, and the people who liked it before want the original back. And then the next Talks came out. For those who don't want to watch the whole thing, Brian started off by talking about how he wanted a completely serious show, and how all shenanigans needed to be gone, because of "professionalism". It was a pretty blatant jab at the OP, making a joke out of their point rather than actually responding. Kinda dickish, but hey, it was a 60 second joke and he moved on. Except they didn't. It was followed up throughout the entire episode, where he'd arranged for the entire cast to come in and interrupt at various points, leading to him making various exasperated statements about how they needed to be more serious. The Reddit thread for the episode turned pretty contentious, with some supporting Brian, and some criticizing the way he'd handled the situation (it even made its way to SubredditDrama). On Twitter, the common sentiment was strongly with Brian, trashing the person who had made the original post. The OP eventually responded with this: Hey guys, it's me, the dude who created this thread. I'm European and have a day off today, so I geared up to paint some minis and watch Talks Machina on the side. Well, if you watched the episode, you probably know what happened. And if you don't, here's the short of it: The cast noticed my thread (probably because of its controversial nature) and called it out at the top of the show. Now, I get it. Things like this have happened before to other people. I can take a jab. But then, it went on. It wasn't just one jab. It's a bit that goes on throughout parts of the episode. Full disclosure: I haven't finished watching it yet, so I don't know to what extent they do it. But here's the thing: it's hard for me to continue watching it. At the start of the episode and with the intro bit, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that I at that point was convinced would soon go away. It didn't though. I felt, as you can probably imagine, called out. I don't generally participate in the larger CR community since I'm not much of a fandom person and I have pretty differing opinions on a lot of things the 'general critter community' would probably agree on. But this one time, I thought I could offer up something of substance. And the reaction doesn't feel good. Now, if this is all just a friendly jab at the concept I was describing in my post and I'm just overreacting on the basis of the whiplash I'm currently experiencing, that's fine. I can probably look back on this in a few days and feel completely fine. But I feel like this reaction is harsh considering the tone and manner with which the CR crew usually conduct themselves. And thus concludes the part of the post that's about me and my feeling regarding the situation. This part is about something a bit more meaty: What the post was actually about. And I feel that my point has been entirely misconstrued. Whether this was done in negligence, maliciously or just for a comedic bit, I have no way of knowing. But appearantly, what the Crew took away was "Goofs are bad, be professional", which wasn't the point of my post at all. The point actually was the ratio of goofs to questions asked/answered. And the thread rose many good points: The amount of questions asked, the quality of questions asked, the run time of Talks Machina. It was generally a pleasant discussion that I took a lot of new views from. Which is something that I wanted to with that thread from the beginning. I do not want a stiff show of the host asking a question, guest answering, host asking question, guest answering, repeat ad nauseum. I like the humor, I like goofs. But for some people, too much of a thing can be bad, even if the thing itself is good. I sincerely hope that my phrasing didn't feel like I was attacking anyone or anything, since that wasn't my intention at all. And that was the whole point of my original post. I guess this post is mostly to vent and to illustrate my view to people who might not have seen the whole picture. And since I've done that, I just have some closing words. Being called out sucks. Especially when it doesn't feel like the way I phrased and brought up my points deserves this. Fan backlash, I can take. My post has quickly landed in the Controversial tab and that's fine. It was a controversial opinion in a fandom that is extremely defensive about this show. But the 'official reaction' just leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. As I said, I generally don't participate in fandoms, and having this happened, I feel that might be for the better. Anyway, what do you think? How do you feel about the way this was handled? I'm really curious. Well. That was a downer. But I felt that I had to react in some way. Anyway. I'm still looking forward to the next episode on Thursday. Or rather Friday for me. But still. Is it Thursday yet? Taking a step back to share some personal experience, my first impression with the episode was that it was pretty funny. Like a lot of other fans, I just assumed that he was referring to a broad group of critics, not one specific person. Finding out that he'd spent a truly stupid amount of personal time and effort to hate on a person who dared make a slight critique of his show was... well, it wasn't great. It also raised some questions about the involvement of the rest of the cast. It's unclear how "in" on it the cast were, but the fact that there was never an official response or apology seems kinda shitty. So, what comes next? This seems like the time when you'd sit your friend down, and tell him he needs to cool his tits (and also delete Twitter for real). Brian's behavior had been at least vaguely excusable at first: he was someone on the Internet, responding to "haters" on the Internet. But as the show grew, it turned from "guy who's friends with those D&D people responding to critics" to "official PR employee of the the multimillion dollar Critical Role corporation punching down". They had a company, they had a multi-million dollar kickstarter, and they had a professionally animated TV show. Even if Brian responded in good faith (he didn't), he had gained tens of thousands of followers, who would likely still dogpile on the person he pointed them at. Even if Brian only chose to respond to genuine trolls, he was still at the level of success where you don't do that. Especially since at that level (especially with the contract they were signing with Amazon), there are clauses regulating behavior, which includes "don't be a jackass online in a way that will come back to bite us". Brian even mentioned on a stream that both Travis (their CEO) and Matt (Chief Creative Officer) had both gotten legitimately angry with him over his actions. The worst part was, Brian was (and still somewhat is) applauded by a certain subset of the fanbase for "Fighting toxicity". Irony is a bitch like that. People who had a problem with fandom drama or toxic positivity flocked to him, believing that he was the only cast member willing to speak up against it. Roll to keep your job... Nat 1. On August 16, 2021, in the break between Campaign 2 and 3, the official twitter dropped an announcement that Brian would no longer be with them: Let’s all wish @brianwfoster the best as he embarks on some wild new creative endeavors. We have nothing but mad love and support for our Cabbage Lord, and want to thank him for his creativity and contributions to CR over the years. They then followed that up with some links to Brian's music and Twitch channel, asking fans to support him. Fans were obviously a bit sad to see him go, but there was relatively little drama. From the looks of it, it was a mutually amicable parting, fueled by Brian wanting to split off on his own. Not to mention, it made sense: Critical Role was stopping their live streams, choosing to prerecord it instead. A show that relies on fan questions and art doesn't work quite as well when fans are seeing the episode three weeks after you tape your show. Plus, the cast was pretty clearly still friends with him. He had gotten engaged to Ashley, and he posted on social media about various activities with the cast. So everything was fine, right? Spoiler alert: It wasn't a choice. In a Twitch stream on November 3rd, he discussed his departure from Critical Role and how he couldn't speak about the situation (either because of an NDA, or to keep his relationship with the cast, it's unclear). The important quotes from it: "Yeah Luke, I did see that sh** on Reddit, but thankfully, you know, if a tree falls... I'm just trying to get the word out there the best I can, and we're sort of alone in trying to do that over here at the resort, but we're doing it how we can, and we're trying to be as cool and as nice as we can as possible, but there's a lot I can't say about the Critical Role situation. I just can't. I know people want me to say more, I know people come in here asking me to say more- I can't. We're trying to just be as cool as we can, you know, but it's hard. We're just trying to keep it cool" "I'm not doing a show that I used to do, right? For reasons outside my control, but whatever, I'm not doing the show I used to do. So, presented with two options: The bitter "maybe I'll just give up, not try this anymore" type thing, or not project that because then it cuts off the bridge, which means no resort. Right? All these connections that have happened, all these friendships that have been made, all of this great stuff that's happening is because we didn't say "ah well, f*** it, not doing that thing anymore, doing this thing now". I didn't want my bridge to the world cut off, I wanted to extend it. I wanted to actually widen it. But you're faced with a choice: Do you try that or do you sit and go "well this sucks." I'm not really a "sit and go 'this sucks'" kinda dude. I did that already. I spent my 20s doing that. I wasn't feeling bad for myself, I was going through s***. But it's like, you know, we're all faced with that opportunity and you go like "damn, I'm hurt here" or "I'm the victim" or whatever you want to say, or you could go like "even though those things might even be true, I could live in the place of just dwelling on that and focusing on that, or I could reconnect my bridge- which is my art- to the world. It all depends, we're left with that choice though." Soooooo... that recontextualizes some things. All of a sudden, it was no longer an amicable decision to leave, it was something he'd been pushed, or even forced into doing. At this point, it becomes speculation, but the most likely truth seems to be that the company wanted him gone, but didn't want to throw their friend out on his ass and damage his future job prospects. So, Brian was quietly asked to leave, making sure that it happened on good terms without any scandal or bad publicity for anyone. Some fans suggested that Amazon may have forced the cast to do this, however, there's currently no proof of that (and it seems a tad unlikely). And that's where our drama ends. Brian left Critical Role, and has been producing various things since. It's a sad, preventable story, but at least he knew when to quit. Wait, he said what**?** As was traditional, for Campaign 3, Critical Role made a new intro. Based on the setting for the campaign, it uses a lot of jungle/cave imagery, with the cast going for an Indiana Jones vibe. It's way too long of a story to get into here (and could probably be a HobbyDrama of its own), but basically, some people thought that it used a lot of settler/colonialist imagery. Surprisingly for criticism that came from Twitter (most of) the takes were pretty reasonable, stating that Critical Role probably hadn't intended it to be racist, but should still address it, or at least avoid similar things in the future. One of the big voices on it was a Kotaku article by Jenna Yow. However, Internet discussions on racism being what they are, combined with the aforementioned toxic positivity, a lot of people responded very harshly to the criticism. The Kotaku author got harassed and misgendered, and anyone who spoke up in defense of the criticism got slapped down. And Brian Foster decided he was gonna take part in that slapping. He has (once again) deleted his tweets, but I've managed to collect a few of them: Some of the takes of the new @CriticalRole intro video are so fucking bonkers it’s hilarious. A Christmas miracle of sweatily trying to find offense somewhere. If only that online energy were focused on actual issues you claim to care about, we could make change. You don’t care. In response to a tweet saying So did no one on Critical Role’s team tell them that leaning heavily into the colonialist explorer visuals in the intro video for their SWANA inspired setting with their all white main cast was maybe an extremely uncomfortable idea, or…? Brian responded with Nothing tragic or horrible going on in the world will ever compare to the new Critical Role intro video. Set us back 2069 years. He then continued We lose in 2024 if the left can’t stop eating itself. My experience with Critical Role has made me so aware of how folks with pure hearts and massive cultural impact can still be torn apart by fans who want them to replace those who hurt or abandoned them. Vote the truth. Keep in mind, this person hadn't tagged him or Critical Role. That meant he was actively searching people up on Twitter to argue with. Also, gotta love the irony of him talking about how there's more important things in the world, then acting as if a single tweet will impact all of left wing politics. I know we're pretty divided overall, but I feel like we can confidently say that the 2024 election will have absolutely nothing to do with a fucking D&D stream's intro. As mentioned above, Brian deleted all these tweets, and tweeted out this: It’s hard to see and hear loved ones and friends called something they aren’t, and for their intentions to be questioned. But, as with most things, there’s a better way I could have gone about discussing it. I’m very defensive of my friends and family, too much at times. Obviously, people were more than a little pissed. He wasn't "very defensive", he was actively seeking out people to harass for the mildest takes possible. Regardless of how you feel about the intro drama, a wealthy and powerful white guy yelling at a POC to shut up about racism is a really, really bad look. This latest outburst and subsequent "apology" was the last straw for a lot of people. Without the bulk of CR to hide behind, Foster was subject to a lot more scrutiny, and burned through a lot of his goodwill. He's still decently popular here on Reddit (although his fans will at least acknowledge some of his actions as wrong), but on the Twitter and Tumblr side of the fandom, he's far less welcome. He's burned a lot of bridges, and any return to CR is pretty conclusively off the table. So, in the end, I guess you could say that the whole thing was a... critical failure. submitted by /u/EquivalentInflation to r/HobbyDrama [link] [comments]

I found it in a charity shop - turns out the card selections in charity shops are nicer than supermarkets or the local card shop. Does anybody really want a birthday card that insults them? Why are all cards for women about Prosecco? submitted by /u/DeskBoundJunior to r/BritishSuccess [link] [comments]

In order to become a qualified commentator, you must learn to do all of the following; Whenever James Ward Prowse touches the ball, you have to say he's the best dead ball specialist in the league. Always mention the size of Jack Grealish's calves Whenever commentating on Spurs, mention how nice the new stadium is. Always mention that Mesut Ozil could solve a creativity problem for arsenal. In every Man United game randomly say the phrase 'noisey neighbours' "AND IT'S LIVE." In every Leeds match explain how Bielsa knows everything about football ever "You feel like the first goal could be important in this game" within the first 10 minutes. Tell everyone that a particular player 'knows where the goal is'. Use the phrase 'messi-esque'. "if that hit the target he would have scored" "he HAS to hit the target there" "he needs to test the keeper" Make sure you refer the Raheem Sterling as having 'genuine' pace. Always tell viewers that any other player will do well to beat Kyle Walker in a foot race. It's a game of two halves (towards end of a bad first half) Everton have a good squad on paper. "this could be a cricket score" if any team scores more than once in the first 30 minutes. Mark Noble is a no nonsense player. Its a game of two halves (any time near the start of the second half) Whenever a player hits row z, say "he does have it in his locker". If its a fanbase you think are shit and want to wind up instead say "he hasn't got his shooting boots on' (he was leaning back too far). Xhaka is fucking useless and it's ok to say it. If any player is slightly out of position you must always describe that as" schoolboy defending " Any free kick must be described as "Beckham territory", unless it is ward prowse taking it, who is obviously better than Beckham as the best dead ball specialist in the league. Needs to beat the first man (at every corner.) A chance for the defender to come up (also at every corner) Any scrap is 'a bit of handbags' Seriously where the fuck is Ozil? Mo Salah is jesus incarnate and make sure you say it everytime he is near a football, regardless of when or where or even if he is actually playing or not. Describe Kevin De Bruyne as mercurial Always be shocked that Harry Kane can also pass. As soon as Man United are in added time, say they are in 'Fergie time'. "No one on the end of it" as if Attackers should be able to teleport to another useless Bellarin cross. "I've seen them given" to literally any foul not called. Say 'hes unplayable" about any player that gets past another player even only once. Describe any small foreign player as 'such a clever player' You couldn't write it! About any match where something happened. Traore has really bulked up 2-nil is a dangerous lead. There's no easy games at this level. It's a funny old game. Seriously, Xhaka is fucking shit. Southampton lost 9-0. REMEMBER? REMEMBER??? "Back in my day that kind of tackle was totally acceptable HAHAHA soft game now" after any leg break/concussion/murder. He's too honest there. If he goes down he gets a penalty. Every free kick where they don't immediately shoot "straight off the training ground that one" Above all, remember you have ultimate power to control the outcome of any match by use of the 'commentators curse'. Puns totally not intended are encouraged as much as possible Rob Holding the ball. Isaac Success. Or not in this case. Michael was Keane to clear that one. Harry Winks passes the ball "tidy little player" Mahrez cuts inside. "trademark move from Mahrez". Son runs. "trademark run from son." vardy scores any goal "trademark goal from vardy. De Bruyne misses a pass. "uncharacteristic". Any other midfielder misses a pass "sloppy". Man sent off? "It's ofter harder to play against 10 men". Any foul throw "well my DAUGHTER could have done better" (remember to be sexist wherever possible but NEVER Racist looking at you Ron). "The keeper will be disappointed with conceding at his near post" as a shot breaks the net at 182mph and snaps cudicinis wrists worse that he did on that motorbike crash. Player touches ball twice in 5 minutes; "He’s really growing into the game.” Dele Alli touches ball twice in 5 mins;" he needs to stop dwelling on the ball". Shane Long runs. A lot. "You can see what he was trying to do." as Pogba spanks a shot out for a throw in. Fuck, I didn't know West Brom were in the prem. It's great to see Jake Livermore off the crack Welcome to Craven Cottage. A beautiful historic ground. Make sure you refer to Gareth Bales left foot as 'cultured'. James Milner is a real utility player. A wealth of experience. Max Kilman used to play futsal. Max Kilman used to play futsal. FUTSAL. MAX. LISTEN TO ME. Always mention that Man City's bench is worth more than all of the Royal properties. If any team has a lead in the dying minutes, remind the fan base of all the times they lost a lead in the dying minutes. Cheers Geoff. During an Wolves match: Don't forget Aston Villa are playing and doing better right now! "it's end to end stuff!" or "it's like a basketball match". There's been a Red card Kammy? "Nice" NEVER admit you have no idea what the handball rule is. Always advise players that they should have 'held their run' to stay inside. Alternatively if the midfielder is on your shit list, blame them for not releasing the ball fast enough (Eg. Xhaka, what a cock). "That sums it up really" after any shit moment by the losing team near the end "ooh, did that cross the line?" "ooh did he keep it in?" "ooh he did well to keep it in". Is that a corner? Yes. They are really turning the screw. Here's Webster. Dunk. Passes to Lamptey. Gross now. White. Into welbeck. Gross. Bissouma. SOLLY MARCH. back to white. Maupay. Fulham really need a result here. Remember when West Ham were dogshit against Spurs but somehow scored three absolute worldies? No? Its OK, we can remind you again later. Aston Villa have existed since 1874. Amazing. Here's tons of other dates thst have no bearing on anything and no one cares about. 27th of September 1992 (xhakas birthday). Fellaini is gone so ALWAYS mention David Luis' hair. Not the same without fans is it? About any shit team; "they are in a period of transition" Anytime Shawcross gets away with murder; "I never like to criticise the referees but..." Jose farts in an uncontrolled manner. "mourinho mind games". Sheffield United dominate and somehow lose 3-0 to dodgy decisions; these things even out over the season. Bamford scores again Chelsea; "It had to be him" Aubameyang runs "frightening pace". Tired player? Describe his pace as 'pedestrian'. Surely a booking? This game really needs a goal. Whenever a player misses a sitter, make sure you explain how he will have nightmares about that tonight (under his Egyptian cotton sheets while his supermodel misses messages his inner thighs). If a players name ends in a vowel, and he scores you know what to dooooooOooooo lamelaaaaaaaaaa agueroooo firmin-wait. Not that one. N'golo Kante touches the ball "the best cdm is dah wurllddddd" Lads, has anyone ever seen Ole and gollum in the same room? Oh, Scott Parker is out of his technical area. Now he's turned on the spot. And he's turned back the other way. And now he's passed it to Tom Carroll who is on the line... Connor Coady used to play for Liverpool. "Lets get Peter Waltons thoughts on that penalty. Peter?"..... "I don't fucking know, c*nt". No Jermaine, no one is ever going to call you JJ you knob. I'm not a homosexual Jim, but I wish more women were like Virgil Van Dijk. Always refer to Son Heung Min as 'The Korean'. "Wolves are very much a second half team.".. "perhaps they need a more reliable bus driver, Arlo?". "two keepers wouldn't have saved that". Christian Pulisic is good AND American. He's an American guys wtf can you believe it? Frank Lampard was a good player. Will he be a good coach? Ole Gunnar Solskaeiouoear was a good player. Will he be a good coach? Mikael Arteta was a good player. Will he be a good coach? GERRARD! (?) WHAT A BRILLIANT YOUNG MANAGER EDDIE HOWE IS relegated? Huh? Really? There's John Terry, looking confused about how clipboards work. A towering header from Mings "Teams do love to play it out from the back these days" Kepa was expensive af. What a fantastic talent Lallana is, shame about the always fuckin injured thing. Are they going to regret missing those 73 chances? You heard about Kaspers dad, Peter? Even he would have been proud of that save. Podence the midfield dynamo, looks lively tonight. A lot of passing but no penetration. Always say "If that had happened in the box it would have been a penalty". Always always say "If that had not happened in the box it would have been given". Always talk about the 442 as if its the girlfriend that got away. You miss it so deeply it hurts. Any shit player "he's really lacking confidence". Here's Leroy Sane, who didn't make the 2018 world cup team. Remember you're fucking old, so refer to the goal as 'the woodwork' Any player over the age of 30 must be referred to as vastly experienced. Trent Alexander Arnold once took a corner, make sure it's referred to every game. Steve Bruce demands more of his players. We are also confused about which foot is Andros Townsends best foot. Always say 'in and around'. He needs to get in and around the box. They have been in and around the top 6. Hi. Given that this is a thread about clichés, thanks for all the awards kind strangers Fuck how can people write that shit non ironically. It's like the Granit Xhaka of sentences. Edit. Woke up to 10k upvotes, shit the bed... Thanks my bros. Don't give gold, give money to the London Hospital burns unit. Xhaka just got brought in and he's in a fucking horrific state and they could use all the money they can get. submitted by /u/blatant_prevaricator to r/soccer [link] [comments]