Furniture Stores Near Me Cheap

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Looking for thrift stores near you in Shipley? Here are the best second-hand shops and vintage stores recommended by our community: 1. Sense Address: 6 Market Square, Shipley, BD18 3QB What thrifters say: Very cheap. Not big but good for a rummage as so cheap. Check it here 2. The Salvation Army Address: 88 Otley Rd, Shipley, BD18 3SA What thrifters say: Clothing at good prices. Costume jewellery really cheap. Lots of vintage crockery and furniture. Check it here 3. Age UK Bradford District Address: 75 Wrose Rd, Shipley, BD18 1HX Check it here 4. Carlton Antiques Address: Salts Mill, Victoria Rd, Saltaire, Shipley, BD18 3LA Check it here 5. Indie• Boho• Vintage Address: 1 Bradford Rd, Shipley, BD18 3PR Check it here Want to find more local gems? Download the Ganddee app and start exploring! https://share.ganddee.com/mOLU/4jevavv3?deep_link_sub1=Xyc7KGz submitted by /u/AntRnd to r/ganddee [link] [comments]

Preface I don't often write reviews, but I felt like this would be worthwhile since there's so little info out there on this company. I didn't receive any compensation for this, nor do I have any type of stake in the company or its owners. I'm just a guy who really enjoys his table. Background Our family had been using a 1st generation Allplay Jasper for several years. While it did its job of keeping heavy setup games ready to play in the vault while allowing us to have dinner on the toppers, it left a lot to be desired. Our two year old recently started drinking out of open cups leading to spills on a near daily basis. This quickly led to slightly damp Speakeasy then moderately soggy Gloomhaven. The breaking point was a completely drenched and ultimately unrepairable playerboard from Primal: The Awakening. To that end, we decided to bite the bullet and upgrade. The Competition I knew I wanted certain features: Inner and outer magnetic rail Storage solution for toppers and accessories Good seal between toppers Dark hardwood with no stain (color on outside is the same as color on inside) We looked at literally every boardgame table manufacturer in the US and had contacted several local woodworkers (SoCal area). The woodworkers all laughed at our budget ($5k - $8k). Of the companies we looked at, three stood out: Wyrmwood This was the first one we saw due to social media marketing. It checked all of the boxes and had a great price point. Then I dug into the company… and did not like what I found. The constant reports of months-late deliveries was the first red flag. The shady business practices seen on Wyrmlife was the death knell that fully turned us off from supporting them. UniquelyGeek We liked their the design of The Earl and appreciated the communication with Justin. The cost was definitely higher than Wyrmwood, but they had some glowing reviews on Reddit and BGG that made it the frontrunner for a while. Their 2K Polyurethane coating sounded nice and durable - exactly what we'd need with our toddler. Styx Furniture This had the most risk because there weren't any reviews on it. At first glance, the tables looked like carbon copies of the Wyrmwood tables. That was acceptable, as I would have taken a Wyrmwood that could be delivered on time and without the shady business practices. What ended up really swaying me was their youtube channel, which showed off some really unique and interesting features that made their tables stand out. Tabby herself was also a big selling point. Her social media shows her constant drive to learn and grow as a craftsperson and her attention to detail really showed in her emails. We felt like we were in good hands with her. As counterintuitive as it is, I also appreciated that Styx is a smaller operation - run entirely by Tabby with some assistance from her husband. Larger factories like Wrymwood and Uniquely Geek are much more prone to quality issues due to the volume of tables and the number of different workers who might do different processes. But at Styx, Tabby does it all so quality is likely to be more consistent throughout. And at this price point, we decided we wanted something built by a dedicated craftsperson rather than something churned out en masse by a factory line. The Process Tabby is extremely responsive. We had a long list of questions and requests, which she answered quickly and thoroughly. Pricing is publicly available on their storefront, so you know what you're getting upfront. The Delivery We started communication on Jan 14 and placed an order on Jan 21. We received our table on March 12. She originally quoted 6 - 8 weeks, so delivery was right on time. Everything came flat packed via Fedex. All of the pieces were well padded and were manageable enough sizes for me to bring all of them from up our condo's narrow staircase. The Assembly Assembly was extremely quick and easy. Tabby left several handwritten notes to help and even did a lot of pre-assembly. The dowels on the leg joints fit in clean line-to-line fits – neither too tight, nor too lose. Each topper also came with pre-selected shims, which optimized the fit of the spring mechanism. This confirmed that the table had been previously fully assembled and tested before shipping. We appreciated the small extras such as the included furniture blanket to make sure we didn't scratch the table while assembling and the extra long T-handle allen key. Notable Features Veneer Toppers. This was our biggest hesitation upfront, but ended up becoming a major selling point. To me, veneer always screamed "cheap". Wasn't all "good" furniture solid wood? But the more I looked into it, the more I grew to accept it. One of the biggest complaints I saw about boardgame tables was warped toppers. Solid wood breathes and expands with humidity, which can change drastically by region and season. Particle board (5/3/26: Tabby from Styx has correctedin the comments below that it is aircraft grade plywood, not particle board like I originally posted) is much more dimensionally stable, which is apparently why some high end furniture makers use this process. The veneers used are also quite thick at ⅛", which allows them to be sanded. Spring loaded topper seals. Most tables will always have some clearance to allow the toppers to be removed. This creates areas where liquid can seep into your game vault. If you leave long setup games under the table for week-long periods, this is a problem. Styx uses a set of spring loaded plungers that constantly push the toppers together, closing those gaps. Removing the toppers requires you to give the toppers a slight push in to relieve those springs before removing the toppers. This is an amazing system that has held up well against multiple spills so far. You really need to see this in action to get it. Magnetic under-table accessory storage. We live in a 950sq ft condo, so we don't exactly have a ton of extra space for storing accessories. Velvet playsurface. Hydrophobic padded with closed cell neoprene. Easily repairable coating. Can be sanded and spot repaired. Varnish and Polyurethane require major sanding, chemical strip of the coat, and proper spray equipment to fix. Durability As of this review, we've had our table for 2 months. We've had numerous spills, several large family get togethers (where this was the main dining table), and countless dinners / coloring sessions / crafting projects / work from home days. We've had 7 game nights in the vault (Gloomhaven, Speakeasy, Primal, Dune: Uprising, Windmill Valley) and around 10 games of Marvel Champions on the toppers. Everything has held up well, especially the topper seals. The Accessories Although it wasn't an official accessory, she was able to give us mug holders. The cup holders are good quality and hold everything from a water bottle to my wife's massively oversized tumbler. We ended up using the extra box shelf way more than we thought we would. The topper cube is 100% necessary. The Cost We ordered directly through her website, which came with a promo that gave $50 of each of the first 8 accessories added. That added up to a considerable amount. Our full order was: Game Table - Rectangle (Black Walnut) Toppers (No Dining Extension) 4x Large Cup Holders 2x Mug Holders 1x Leaf Tree (Topper storage) 1x Leaf Wall 1x Box Shelf 2x Card Organizers With shipping, we paid a bit over $7k for ours. TL;DR Our table from Styx was everything we wanted from a boardgame table and more. Communication and on-time delivery were on point. It assembled easily and is comfortable to play on. The spring loaded topper seal, dual rail system, and magnetic accessory storage are truly game changing for us. Definitely worthwhile if you're in the market and have the budget. submitted by /u/LawMoney to r/boardgames [link] [comments]

Looking for thrift stores near you in Lincoln? Here are the best second-hand shops and vintage stores recommended by our community: 1. Sue Ryder Address: Unit 10 The Forum, Lincoln, LN6 8HW What thrifters say: The best of the 3 in the forum in my opinion, the staff, Amy and others, are so kind. I’ve found so many gems here. This belt included Check it here 2. Sue Ryder Address: Deacon Rd, Lincoln, LN2 4JE What thrifters say: Very cheap prices, sometimes items are damaged but the staff are very understanding and often reduce the price, a wide variety of pre-loved clothes and jewlerrry to furniture and stunning antique croc... Check it here 3. St Barnabas Charity Shop Address: 12 Cardinal Close, Lincoln, LN2 4SY What thrifters say: Brialliant stuff, always end up leaving with more than I planned to buy, nice people working there very kind, lots of clothing options for plus size people, plenty of antiques and lots of beautiful fu... Check it here 4. Mind Address: 34 The Forum, North Hykeham, Lincoln, LN6 8HW What thrifters say: definitely not biased because I volunteer at this place :3 Check it here 5. St Barnabas Charity Shop Address: St Barnabas, High Street, New Boultham, Lincoln, LN2 1AT What thrifters say: Easily the biggest charity shop I've been in, and one of the best. Always something interesting in there Check it here Want to find more local gems? Download the Ganddee app and start exploring! https://share.ganddee.com/mOLU/4jevavv3?deep_link_sub1=Xyc7KGz submitted by /u/AntRnd to r/ganddee [link] [comments]

Reminder: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post. ... Originally posted to r/homeowners by u/incywince 1 update - short read Original: Nov 25, 2025 Update: Dec 12, 2025 ... Editor's note: There was an edit at the top of the original post, I moved it to the bottom for readability Original - Nov 25, 2025 My husband and I found a house that was going for literal pennies in our VHCOL area at the beginning of the pandemic. Usually house flippers would have paid in cash for it, but thanks to the pandemic, liquidity was low, and we secured it. Our mortgage and tax are about a quarter of what our friends pay.... but also our entire house could fit in their living rooms. It's like 650 sqft. We've added additions to the front and back, and created a lot of storage space, but it's just still small. It was a fixer-upper, and we fixed it up. We mostly only did the very important stuff like rewiring, changing the plumbing and renovating the bathroom. We added an additional room and bathroom. We're fixing the aesthetics little by little. Soon after we bought the house, we had a tiny baby to also care for, so it was a certain kind of hell. Now the tiny baby is in school and I thought I could get around to making the place more inviting and relaxing. Visiting family for the holiday who have a more regular three-bedroom, I realize 90% of my frustrations are due to the small space. There's no separate playroom, so toys are just in the living room. Which ends up being always messy. And it's hard to tidy up because it's such a small space. I feel like I don't have enough closet space for clothes and other personal items. I have very limited space to exercise as well. I want another larder/cabinet in the kitchen, but we have no room for it. Our bathroom feels too narrow. I'd like a bigger bed, but our bedroom can't fit it. Part of the problem is the layout of the house. We've changed it some, but we really can't change the location of all the rooms unless we do a teardown. But another part of it is we just don't use space all that efficiently. I look at all those tiny home videos for what they get right, and they always seem to disappear their workstation which then turns into a bed or couch or whatever. But I can't do that, I need an ultrawide monitor to do my work. I've tried decluttering and throwing things away, but I actually like all my clothes and books. I'm not sure how to approach this anymore. I do like that it is cheap to heat and cool the house, and takes very little time to clean the floors. But I want my home to feel cosy and inviting and not like sarajevo in the '90s. I feel like I'm good with managing with what we have, but have you ever asked someone to help you decide what kind of furniture to buy or how to lay it all out? Comments Jadedslave124 Having lived tiny, 2 kids and me in 399 sq, and lived in a 3 bed home, my suggestion is to have rotating things. Yes you like your things. So curate and rotate them. I have 4 seasonal decor boxes, rotating books and pictures, and different linens. So when it’s winter, I get to put away all things not winter, bring out winter things, and see new stuff in my tiny rooms. Meanwhile, my basement and shed fill with the other 3 seasons of stuff. It helps my kids enjoy their adding a welcoming touch chores because what items they can choose from change. It helps me see clutter and realize I don’t like this as much as I thought and cull things over time. OOP We don't have seasonal decor, except a box of halloween costumes. I do try rotating summer/winter clothes and bedding. someone else suggested vaccum storage and I think that would help so much with this. I have no clue how to deal with the absolute state of toys. I dont know where the toys come from and my daughter loves and uses them all everyday, so I don't feel like throwing them out, but then it's messy..... I think that's the core of it. Jadedslave124 Just put half the toys in a box. And put the box outside. See if she asks where those toys are or just plays with what she found now. I’ve often had a cleaning fairy disappear toys left out overnight or overlong after mom said cleanup and put away. Those fairy toys don’t get put back for a week or so. Maybe there’s a fairy toys box that could help too ... OOP responding to a comment Yeah that's precisely our problem - too many toys with little parts. We're big lego nuts and our kid thrives with lego. She's a born builder and very imaginative and we like to nurture that. At least those are easy to put away. There are a lot of other little toys - dolls, doll accessories, tiny figurines. We told all our relatives and friends we don't want big toys (we once got a kids play tent that was almost as big as our small bedroom), so they give us little ones, and our imaginative child plays with all of them everyday. I throw away as many as I can, but more keep materializing. All together, they'll just fit in a small box. but they get fucking strewn everywhere, and it looks much messier when strewn because the space is small. And oh, the fucking art. Our kid is very talented with art, and everyone including her teachers are excited to encourage that. This means the living room is a mess. Art supplies, sculptures, pottery wheels... food colors... everything is fucking out all the goddamn time. I feel like with a bigger space, I could give her enough space to keep it contained, but we really can't right now. It's gotten much easier than before, I just thought it would be easier than it is now. ... More comments from OOP I mostly am looking for thoughts on how other people optimized their space. I feel like I've maxed out on stuff I got from the internet, like konmari, videos, minimalism, etc, and I'd like to hear more real stories of people with families and stuff. ... Edit to the main post: Edit: Thanks everyone for all your responses. In answering your comments, I've realized that my problem really isn't just the lack of space, but that my bedroom is too small and I do too much with it. We have enough space for everything, but for reasons, I insist on sharing a bed with our kid, working in the same room with an ultrawide monitor, exercising in breaks at work, and also storing all my clothes and hobby items right there. It wouldn't be that unreasonable if it was a larger room, but it's fkin 10x10 with a very tiny, oddly-shaped closet, and that comes with its challenges. Thanks to yall, I've decided to focus all my energies on bettering my bedroom situation. It would probably help me feel more sane ... Update: Dec 12, 2025 (2.5 weeks later) I'd posted here a couple of weeks ago about my frustrations with my very small house that has too many toys and clothes and is always a mess and gives me much less room than I'd like for my interests. I got a lot of useful responses from you guys. As I read through them, I realized most of the solutions didn't work for me. This helped me narrow my problem down into two things - I didn't like how hard it was to tidy up toys, and I was trying to do too much in my bedroom - cosleep, storage, work, hobbies. This seemed like a much more solvable problem than moving or constructing yet another extension, or teaching my kid to have a longer attention span than she does. I discussed this in detail with my family, who all have better spatial skills than I do. We went through many many many options, and eventually came to a very simple solution - a couple of taller storage shelves, and some rearranging of furniture to improve our layout. So now, we have more toy storage, and more clothes storage. It isn't that much more, but it's very strategic with how we use things and put them away. Basically we didn't have dedicated space to put away toys (i thought we did, but we really didn't) and they were all over the place. With dedicated space, it's much easier for my kid to put away her toys herself. We used to have this before, but she'd dump the contents on the floor and use the baskets to play. We've got storage that can't be used for anything other than storage, so that's great. Plus, I realized my kid did a lot of art on the floor, which meant lot of art lying around. I got her the same kids table they have in her school, and so she actually uses it now. It's reduced the mess by a 1000%. A lot of our solution really has been reorienting the furniture in the space. We haven't discarded much other than books and some cheap storage. But now our space feels more open and spacious. We've also gotten rid of opportunities to just keep things on a table or a chair, and instead are forced to put things away. And other useful suggestions we've incorporated have been using a drop-leaf dining table, and putting all our extra sheets and stuff in vacuum storage bags. We actually didn't have to discard much, which was another surprising thing. We generally don't accumulate or buy too much, so I was glad I didn't have to get rid of things I cared about to make room. I'm actually surprised so little has solved our problems significantly. I guess part of it is our kid is now old enough to be okay with these solutions, which she wasn't at an earlier age. I feel much lighter, the house is much calmer, and it feels like a refuge rather than chaos. Comments Eastern-Operation340 I lived in NYC for years. You learn how to live in a tiny space. until the 90s and 2000s most families lived in small homes. If you need more space in your Childs room, using boards and L brackets, you can build a shelf near the ceiling of her room. Choose the height of the window and door Frame for it to rest one. Looks cool wrapped around the room. She will use it through her teen years. Also, when she gets a bigger bed, raise it up and put bins underneath, or a loft bed with a desk or hang out space underneath. My brother built a great loft bed for his son underneath it's held up with shelving, an outlet with USB plugs, bean bag chairs and big pillows. Top of bunk bed has a shelf/cubby built into it. OOP Yeah, our idea is one of those loft beds with a desk underneath when she gets older. ... OOP on toy storage We got the ikea trofast. It hadn't worked previously because our daughter would dump the contents of the tubs and use it as a bathtub for her toys, put soap and water and all kinds of stuff in it, and it was a pain to put it all back. Or she'd use it to slide her toys across the kitchen. And for a while she was too little to pull the tubs out and I got pretty frustrated with it. The tubs also wore out and broke. But now we could get the tall version, which occupies very little square footage, and we got the mesh tubs which can't be filled with water or slid on. ... TheLastLibrarian1 As your child ages encourage her to pick up after herself. This helps a lot with the mess. We had decorative bins in our shelves that the kids could pull out and get their toys. Part of their bedtime routine was picking up their toys. They would chuck everything into the bin and it would slide into the shelf and look tidy and nice but not require a lot of effort. OOP Yeah, she does better now that things are better structured. Much easier when everything has a place where it feels like it belongs. Earlier we were all too overwhelmed by the mess to even start. Reminder: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post. Remember Rule 1 No Brigading submitted by /u/naturemom to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

That is a container of 150 meth pipes. I used to like working here. All my complaints were industry related issues. My particular job was actually not bad. We formerly were about as nice as a vape store could be. The previous owners hired a killer interior designer. We had chic furniture, a beautiful accent wall of old wood and even the lighting fixtures were straight out of Dwell magazine. They sold the store unexpectedly. The new owner redid the place in hideous cheap black panels (you can see them in the background.) He quadrupled the inventory we carried, so everything is crammed in and messy. They added several neon signs and chucked all the upscale decor. First the new owner brought in dozens of gas station "aphrodisiacs." Following that was the knock-off perfume. Next came the high dose 7-Hydroxy pills, a new legal drug that lots of people are getting seriously addicted to. We now sell mystery intoxicants that simply say "propriety blend" with no dosage listed, made by companies with no internet presence. They also changed our closing time from 8 to midnight. Next they added the nitrous oxide. And it just kept getting worse from there. And I knew it was going to happen....and we finally got meth pipes last week. The changes happened quickly but word has already gotten out. Our old customers are leaving in droves. We now have hardcore addicts coming in non-stop plus a new fan base of homeless individuals. They're panhandling near our store to run in and buy whatever drugs they can afford with their loose change. I have to start looking elsewhere. It just really sucks. Thanks for letting me vent. submitted by /u/bassbeatsbanging to r/retailhell [link] [comments]

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Complex-Wing7114 posting in r/offmychest and her user account Concluded as per OOP 7 updates - Long Original - 27th April 2024 Update1 - 29th April 2024 Update2 - 30th April 2024 Update3 - 7th May 2024 Update4 - 14th May 2024 Update5 - 26th May 2024 Update6 - 25th June 2024 Update7 - 17th October 2024 1 New Update Update8 - 18th November 2024 I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable. Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well. He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day. Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off. He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flight May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this? Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully. Comments naomi15 Do not take his divorce papers to submit! Who knows what agreements or stipulations he put in there! Get a lawyer and do your own ASAP! aquavenatus First, contact your job and tell them your situation. They might have “an immediate job opening” for you. Second, contact any nearby DV shelters and ask them for assistance with your plans. Last, file a police report so they know what’s going on; and, so your STBX cannot file a missing person’s report for you. Good luck. Update1 - 2 days later So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime. All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath. I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do. I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him. There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job. Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time. Comments aquavenatus Forget the hidden cameras! The clauses he had written into the divorce papers are extremely troubling. God Forbid you did sign those papers, I don’t believe for a moment that your STBX would have found a way to get you pregnant, with or without your consent. I know you’re pretending you didn’t find the cameras, but I would change clothes either in the bathroom or in the closet. This way he can’t threaten you with naked photos of you later on. Also, make sure all of your essential documents are on you just in case you leave quicker than you planned on leaving. I hope you hear back on the new location by tomorrow. The sooner the better. ~10 days remaining. P.S. Purchase your Departure Ticket with cash! All card payments can be tracked! Update2 - 1 days later Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MIL to show me his favorite recipes. Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm. I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind. My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in. Comments Vox289 Rather than killing the power breaker unplugging the WiFi router/modem would be sufficient. Small cameras like that are wireless with possibly an sd card backup but they’re not hard wired to the internet and the internet being down is easier to pull off than the power being out since most power companies have live outage maps zoeheriot As someone who has done this, I have to applaud you for having the courage to do it. I left my shite husband in 2017 when an opportunity opened up in my company to go from Georgia to Arizona. I secretly packed everything I owned and brought it to my office to store until my move. Then I scheduled my direct deposit to shift to my new bank account, and made all the other changes to separate us. Seven years on, it remains the very best decision I've ever made. I hope everything goes smoothly for you! Update3 - 7 days later It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left. My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through. I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this. I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown. Update 4 - 7 days later Sorry I haven't updated for a while, things got hectic and a bit chaotic honestly. Firstly, I'm working on getting an apartment still and have applications in at three different places and will hopefully hear back from them soon. I'm still going into work here at the new location, so I don't have to worry about burning through my emergency savings completely. I've gotten a lot of emails from Alex, his family and our old friend group asking question after question. I have only sent one return email to Alex, explaining that I don't believe we are truly compatible, and it is best we separate now. That his treatment of me when I'd done nothing to deserve as such was just as much of a deal breaker as cheating was for him. I ended the email with the statement that I would not be contacting him further and anything else he needed to pass on to me or vice versa would be done through my lawyer. For his family and friends, I just typed up one email outlining everything that had happened and why I left. I told them I wished them no ill will, but that such treatment of his wife and partner was not acceptable. That should Alex get remarried in the future, I wished they would help support both partners and not just Alex. Alex, from what my lawyer told me, was livid when he was served. The sheriff actually ended up booking him for assault on an officer and menacing due to the threats he was shouting. His father bailed him out in a few hours, but with the testimony of the sheriff, my lawyer believes I have a very good chance at getting a restraining order. Alex, upon returning to the house, apparently lost his temper again, breaking the dining table into pieces as well as the tv, and putting several holes in the walls. At least that's what one of the emails from one of our friends reported as Alex called him to help him clean up the mess. My lawyer already has pictures of the house I took, with timestamps as evidence nothing had been damaged by me. My friend reported that Alex tried to claim I'd been the one to trash the house but the holes in the wall were at head height - Alex is 6'3", and I'm 5'4" so he knew that was false. Either way, taking the pictures definitely will help me so again thank you everyone here for the advice because I never would have thought of that on my own. My work won't share details of where I am, as I do work with some higher end clientele who value security and that information won't be gossiped about and no, I'm not some stripper or escort. I deal with contracts, notary and business management. As such, even if Alex tried to use my work to find me, he wouldn't succeed. Comments Any_Broccoli_6414 Yikes the fact that he blew a fuse and started destroying things really is a red flag I'm glad you left before he would've ever snapped and ended up hurting you. I hope your life gets better from here on OP you deserve it good luck! Update - 12 days later It’s been a little bit, and I thought I’d answer some questions before giving my update. It may be a while after this until things change. Firstly, No I didn’t bring my car. The public transport here is good enough to use without needing one. I have secured an apartment, and the building has good security. You need a key card to enter, and there is a security guard at a desk right by the entrance to the building. As part of my contract, I gave them a photo of Alex and his family so that even in the off chance they do find me, they won’t be let in. The responses I got from the emails varied. His family said I was overreacting, and that I owe Alex an apology for the problems this has caused him. The pending criminal charges puts him at risk of losing his job if he’s convicted. Alex sent a long email, apologizing and pleading for me to come home. He said he was worried for me, that he is willing to go to therapy if it will appease me. He wants us to remain together, and he didn’t think leaving was an appropriate response to his genuine concern and worry for my health and safety. The friends gave somewhat lacking replies, saying that they didn’t think Alex was ever going to hurt me and that I shouldn’t be letting my imagination run away wild. As much as I want to say I was surprised by the lack of support, I’m honestly not. He intends to fight the divorce. I am letting my lawyer handle it, and I am also pursuing a protective order as well. Once I got approved for my apartment, I also froze my credit. I’ve changed my phone carrier and number, as well as making sure none of my documents list Alex as next of kin or POA. Some have asked why I was so paranoid about Alex and his possible future actions. The answer for that actually is somewhat simple – my grandmother. I loved that woman to bits. As a teen, she explained why my grandfather was never around. He was extremely abusive and manipulative, and her generation didn’t allow divorce really. She wouldn’t have been able to buy a house or get a good enough job to support her and my mother on her own. As such, she endured it, shielded my mom as she could until my grandfather died. When I felt like I may have been overreacting, I remembered how she’d said she’d always wished she’d been able to see grandfather for what he was early on when she may have been able to annul the marriage. I don’t know when I’ll update again, maybe when the divorce goes through or if something big happens but until then, I’m just trying to keep my head above the water. Comments big_bob_c Glad to her you're doing well and safely away from him. If you didn't mention it to the alleged friend group, I would send a follow-up that Alex threatened you with divorce regularly, and had a filled-out set of divorce papers as a prop. He valued your marriage so little that he used the threat of ending your marriage as a tool to micromanage your personal behavior, you have taken that lever away. As far as his alleged reasons for wanting to keep close tabs on you, it's common for cheaters to accuse their partner of the same. So get an STD test, you have no idea who or what he has been doing on his business trips. driftwood-and-waves Replying just gives more fuel for Alex. Anything OP says, even to the friends will get back to him. He will twist it and use it for his benefit. Not replying will piss him off because she's not giving him any control. He can't use what she says against her or gauge where she is emotionally etc so he can plan his next step. Not replying, not reacting, not giving any more information to anyone associated with him, or anyone except her lawyer just to be safe, and having all communication go through her lawyer will make him seeth. By staying silent, and healing and doing better she is winning. But I hella agree with getting tested for all the things. Go get blessed by a holy person or sage yourself and your things just to get all the ick out. Update - 1 month later It’s been a month since my previous update, and I wanted to share some of what’s been going on in the meantime. The divorce is proceeding, but even though I don’t need him to agree – and he’s not – it means I have to go through the courts to get it approved. As such, it could be upwards of six months to push it through even though I’m filing without attempting to claim property, alimony or compensation. I just want a clean break and separation. Alex has attempted to use our friends to reach out to me, as he doesn’t want to use my lawyer for communication. He’s saying its disrespectful and cowardly to hide behind my lawyer and not meet him face to face. Alex wrote me a letter that he did pass off to my lawyer, but the contents were him justifying his actions and claiming that in today's time it is dangerous for women to be on their own which is why he was so intent on trying to keep me safe from harm. He wanted me to understand that he was trying to protect me as best he could and was hurt that I would just lie to him and hide my actions from him related to my dissatisfaction with our marriage and my moving. I didn’t reply, because at no point did he apologize. All he did was turn everything around on me as I was being overly dramatic, emotional and cowardly. There was a second letter with Alex’s from my SIL. Her letter… was honestly disturbing and completely justified my misgivings regarding approaching her in any kind of professional capacity. She spent five paragraphs detailing how a ‘real abusive’ relationship looked like and that Alex was the furthest thing from abusive. The details she included were all related to financial abuse and physical abuse. Nothing like what Alex had been doing. She stated that my attempts to smear her brother’s name for attention and clout made me the abuser not him. I haven’t really been able to process that admittedly. Part of me can’t help but wonder if she’s right. I mean, I blindsided him by leaving as I did and am refusing to speak with him at all. My old boss recommended that I look into getting into therapy after I moved, and I think I need to. I have had a hard time adjusting to being on my own, I keep censoring myself and haven’t even gone out to eat yet. I always end up worrying about what if someone sees me, what if I get in trouble for spending my money on something frivolous… My lawyer is continuing to fight for the divorce, and I shouldn’t need to be physically present in court. Any meetings needed between me and the judge can be done via zoom. I’m trying to avoid confrontation with Alex and his family for now as much as I can and passed both letters to my lawyer in case he needs them. Our friends are mostly trying to avoid taking sides still, and I’m honestly approaching the point of just letting them go as well. I’m tired of fighting for them to understand at this point. I don’t know if anything is going to happen, so my next update may not be until around mid-November depending on how long it takes to push the divorce through. Work is going well, and it’s helpful to have something familiar to anchor my day to day life when so much has changed and is changing even now. Comments lady-scorpio-45 Oh yeah, demanding to be charge of all of the money, having divorce papers always filled out, setting up 3 cameras in your home, and demanding you wear a tracking device is all evidence of a nice, normal, healthy relationship. JFC. Your exSIL is such an A H. Don’t for one second take anything she said seriously. And your ex, just trying to “protect you as best he could”. BARF. You should be so proud of yourself for getting away from these lunatics. The road ahead may still be bumpy at times and it’ll take more time for your nerves to settle but you did it. Seek out a therapist still because it’s certainly a lot for one person to process all on their own. New Update Divorce Proceeding Update It’s been a while since I last updated, as I needed to let the court step in as Alex was not willing to grant my request for a divorce. We started with mediated session via zoom, but after four sessions it was decided that no compromise could be reached between us. The things Alex was pushing for were one’s I’m not even willing to humor let alone agree to. He wanted me to tell our friends and those I’d sent the information to about his actions that I’d made it up in order to gain sympathy. He also wanted me to pay him for defamation and suffering, especially the wages he lost because of sitting in jail for two days and missing work before getting bailed out. Lastly, he also wanted me to return and to quote him ‘stop my foolish behavior and act like a proper wife and partner.’ Yeah no. So, needless to say, our ‘mediated’ sessions went absolutely nowhere. The judge isn’t seeming to buy into Alex’s act thankfully, because he’s certainly tried. It took me far too long to see Alex for who he was, and part of me feels like an idiot because I didn’t see it at all. Yet, the judge seemed to clock him for exactly what he is within the first meeting. Maybe I just didn’t want to see it. I don’t know. Alex ended up arguing with the Judge a LOT, even being held in contempt four different times. I think it's honestly why this moved as quick as it did. It didn't help that Alex tried to pull in his family as character witnesses but they were dismissed by the Judge as the 'abuse wasn't seen or heard by them, and as such, they only knew part of Alex's character.' In his closing statement after he approved the divorce, he went on to call Alex a narcissist and that if Alex loved himself so much to abuse the one he'd married to let the divorce happen and marry a mirror next. I didn't think a Judge was allowed to say that. At all. But my lawyer just shook his head and told me not to say anything so we left. So here’s the update I’m sure everyone’s been hoping for and guessed: I’m officially divorced. The documents were processed three days ago, and I’m still in disbelief. I have no contact with Alex any longer, nor do I want any. I’m not going to give our friends my new contact information. I may not have replied to everyone, though I tried, but I did read all of your comments. I really did. Your repeated statements about how they weren’t actually friends really helped me see that they weren’t. So, I decided that since I moved far from that place, I needed to start over. New home, new place, new friends. It’s slow, and I’ve started therapy though it took almost three months to get it due to the usual wait times but I’ve been going three times a week ever since. It’s helping, even with things I thought were done and dusted. Alex didn’t take the divorce well according to my lawyer who’s been keeping up with him to make sure he stays away from me. He did something at work, I don’t know what as obviously I have no way to gain that information, but whatever it was cost him his job. My lawyer also did something I didn’t expect him to, but something I think everyone will like – He took the letter my ex-sil sent me and forwarded it to the domestic violence organization she works for along with an formal statement regarding Alex, his actions, and the decision of the Judge. She’s been let go as well, and given how tight those organizations are with one another, my lawyer said that the likely hood of her getting a position at another is slim to none. I actually laughed, though I was a bit teary, when he said that and that ‘slim is on a leaky rowboat to China.’ I’ve been crying a lot lately, but my therapist says it’s normal and shows I’m actually processing things instead of bottling them up and pushing them down. I’ll try to update in a month or so, if my emotions level out some, to explain a few more of the details but I wanted to get this out there, and thank everyone for their continued support and encouragement. I appreciate each and every one of you. I really do. You gave me the hope that leaving him wasn’t going to be this giant black mark I’d never heal from or move on from. Work is going well, and the sense of normality and routine is helping me avoid feeling like everything has been spiraling out of control. Comments PanicConsistent9656 Congratulations, OP! You're free! Now it's time for you to heal. I wish good things to come for you and that you settle into your new life well. OOP: Thank you, part of me feels like I should notice healing, but while my therapist says it's happening, I don't see it. Not yet anyway. Hopefully soon I will. PanicConsistent9656 Not to sound like a broken record, but I will say... healing takes time. It's also not linear. You could be fine one day and a total mess the next, but it just goes to show how much you've been keeping in this whole time. At least now, you get to actually process your emotions instead of burying them and be made to feel like you're the bad guy for even feeling those emotions. Stay strong, OP! ​ Update - 1 month later ​ I'm working on me now... It's been a month since I finally was able to share the success of my divorce from Alex. My mood swings are still happening, but they don't last quite as long anymore so I'm taking that as a good sign. My therapist recommended that I sign up for some kind of physical activity, just to help work out and channel what she called the fight/flight instincts more. So I've joined a local self-defense club and I'm going twice a week. I felt really awkward in the beginning, but they've all been super nice and welcoming so it's been easier. It has helped I think, a lot of my jitteriness and anxiety has calmed and I'm sleeping better as well. I've also joined a book club, though it's all online at the moment, they're discussing the possibility of meeting in person rather than over skype at a local park. It's hard, honestly. I feel like a kid that just changed schools and sometimes feel like it's either sink or swim. My therapist pointed out that if I feel like I'm sinking to stop, take a step back and remind myself that I have all the control over my actions - if I don't like something I don't have to do it. I can feel my emotions but I also need to not let them control and dictate my actions. She also pointed out how I've developed a tendency to try and fix other people's bad moods. She told me that they're adults, and it's not my responsibility to manage anyone else's emotions other than my own. It's been hard. But... I'm getting there. I think in a year, as a celebration for my divorce, I may go visit my grandmother's grave. Just to talk if nothing else as silly as that may sound. I passed on your thanks to my lawyer, who smiled and said - a bit smugly I might add - that he loves giving people who thought they were untouchable the karma they deserved. He went on to add that he enjoyed being 'Karma's helping hand'. My lawyer has kept abreast of what's been happening with Alex and his sister both, just to make sure they don't try anything. According to him, my ex-sil threw a fit when she was let go from the DV center, enough that she was barred from the premises. It seems that she shares some traits with her brother in regards to temper. She's now working at Lowes apparently, as while she was a volunteer at the DV center, she has to pay some fines for damages she caused during the incident that got her banned. As for Alex, he's been quiet which worried me at first. But my lawyer told me he's keeping his head down. He's gotten another job with a construction crew, but with everything he has to pay, he cannot afford to lose his job. I was awarded damages for emotional distress and harm, as he never touched me physically. I was able to prove my statements thanks to records of the text conversations between Alex and I regarding the tracker and not leaving the house without permission. As my financial situation is stable, I don't need Alimony, so my Lawyer advised not to try for it and focus on compensation for damages in stead. Alex's family apparently hates me now, as they've reached out to my lawyer, telling him to pass on the message that I've successfully ruined both Alex and his sister's lives over my 'lies'. Honestly, at this point... I'm getting to the point of not caring anymore. I only have so much to give right now for emotional needs and I want it for my own, not to expend on someone else if that makes any kind of sense. So that's where I'm at right now. It's hard, coming up to the holidays and being alone but a few weeks ago, I found a kitten in the alley next to my work. He's a tiny, raggedy little thing. He's black, long hair with three white paws and he's also missing his tail. He's got the first vertebrae but nothing else. According to the vet, mom may have accidently bitten it off at birth... which I didn't even know happened but apparently it does. I'm calling him Bandit. So I'm not alone anymore, but now I have a kitten that thinks EVERYTHING needs to be hunted... including my toes to I wear slippers constantly cause those little claws of his are like freaking daggers I swear. I'll update again if anyone wants me to, but yeah... that's where things are now. ​ Comments ​ tfcocs Holy guacamole! The SIL had to pay for property damage she caused when she was terminated? That is so...frightening. On to happy things: any cute kitten pix? OOP: I do have pictures... I'm just not sure how to share them haha. I think I may have to make a separate post with them as it won't let me do it here. Edit: here's a link to the post with photos. Bandit photos per request carolinecrane Your ex’s family is made up of garbage humans, so you don’t need to waste a second of thought on their opinions. Wishing you and Bandit peace. Keep moving forward, you’re doing great. ​ I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments submitted by /u/SharkEva to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I found this article to be incredibly enlightening and something I hadn't considered in terms of China's immigration patterns to Japan over the years. Thoughts? For those who don't have access (if the gift link expires), here's a slightly abbreviated version (posting the full article is against FT T&Cs): Placing her teacup on the lacquered table, a chic Tokyo-ite turns towards the café’s open window to absorb the beauty of a July day in the Japanese capital. Outside, the leaves on the avenue of ginkgo trees are a rich summer green; the early afternoon sun thrums down on Ueno Park. Crowds wander towards the country’s oldest national museum. “I so, so love this city. But, over the past few months, I have started to change the route I take when walking through my neighbourhood,” she confesses. “I use smaller streets — the ones the Chinese don’t use. There are too many Chinese around these days. I keep hearing Chinese being spoken everywhere. That wasn’t why I left.” The problem was less acute 18 months ago, when the former business executive, who asks to be referred to as Cao, brought her children from China to start a new life in Tokyo. She had planned her move before China’s middle classes had begun looking at Japan with migratory eyes, before dozens of real-estate influencers on RedNote and other social media had begun fizzing about the opportunities of property ownership in Bunkyo, the Tokyo district where she now lives. Cao reckons that, in early 2024, there were just three Chinese families, including her own, in her apartment building. Now there are 11, and her observations of furniture deliveries and the language spoken in the lifts suggest more are on the way. A new Chinese community is forming, she says, with the same jealousies and obsessions she left home to avoid. Cao is now plotting a second move to a part of the city with fewer Chinese. Despite her misgivings about it, Cao is unavoidably a member of this burgeoning diaspora. She is Run-ri: the label given to the wave of middle-class Chinese who have moved to Japan for a lifestyle they see as impossible back home. Some Run-ri want permanent residency in Japan, and the ability to travel back to China for business. Many arrive with no intention of ever returning. Cao says she is here to assimilate, but cannot guess how many of the other Run-ri are. It’s a phenomenon few saw coming, either in Japan or China. Back in Shanghai and other big Chinese cities, according to more than 20 Chinese residents of Tokyo interviewed by the Financial Times, dinner party conversations are dominated by the mechanics of how to get to Tokyo or Osaka — and stay there. There is a code at these dinners, which signals a desire to turn the conversation to the topic, according to another Run-ri, Zhang Jieping, a Tokyo-based journalist and entrepreneur who has founded a Chinese bookstore in the city. The way to do it is to ask one’s fellow diners: “How long do you plan to stay?” “That signals that you want to talk about visas,” Zhang says. “The conversation is always about emigration. Of every three-hour dinner, two will be spent talking about other countries’ visa requirements, how to get out, how to marry a local, how to get an apartment, how to get your parents over there and how to get cash out. Every dinner, every lunch. And everyone talks about Japan.” In these conversations, there is a tacit admission that, for all its “lost” economic decades and flagging dynamism, Japan has got a great deal right. It ranks highly on global indices of peace, economic freedom and property rights. In politics, the nation has kept its poise as others have thrown tantrums, remained supple as others stiffened. It has reliable medical provision, free speech, safe streets, incredible service and astonishingly good food. Beyond these practicalities, there is an almost ideological element to the movement, says Zhang. “The Chinese mindset for the past 30 years has been that leaving is always better. You leave the country for the town. You leave the town for the city. You leave the city for a big city. You leave the big city for the US. Now, you leave for Tokyo.” By making their move at this particular moment in history, the Run-ri are shaping the coming decades of Japan’s demographic, social and perhaps even political destiny. Some economists speculate that we are watching the early phases of the country’s ascent to an “immigration superpower”. They are hopeful for an injection of entrepreneurial energy that will prove invaluable in ageing, shrinking Japan. Others sense trouble ahead, as Chinese buyers propel Tokyo property prices beyond the reach of many Japanese. The government has been pushed to tighten the requirements for the “business manager” visas on which so many Chinese secure their residencies. Some predict a full nationalist backlash, pointing to the klaxons of xenophobia audible in July’s upper-house election campaigns. Because Tokyo is not just a magnet for people wishing to leave China, but for Chinese money too. As well as those seeking a new life, there are some who simply see the city as a financial investment and plan to keep a foot in China for as long as possible. For now, though, the Run-ri have endowed Tokyo with a status it never expected and is largely at a loss to quantify. Whether it is the intellectuals sniping at Beijing from the safety of Jimbocho coffee shops, the more cash-constrained middle classes finding apartments in areas near good local schools, the richer arrivals steadily occupying more of Tokyo’s prime waterfront, or the very wealthiest establishing roots in the swish “3A” districts of Azabu, Aoyama and Akasaka, the Japanese capital is being recast as a Chinese haven. The word Run-ri — broadly used to cover the middle-class entrepreneurs, white-collar workers, wealthier academics, retirees and intellectuals moving to Japan for aspirational reasons — combines two Chinese characters. The run primarily means liquidity or prosperity, but its similarity in sound to the English word “run” also conveys the idea of flight. The second character, ri, is the first in the Chinese word for Japan. The term has been around for a few years, but it has jostled into the mainstream lexicon since about 2022, the peak of the Shanghai Covid-19 lockdowns and, for many cosmopolitan Chinese, a psychological tipping-point: the “life inflection point”, as many describe it. The numbers are startling. Without ever having declared any kind of open-door policy on immigration, Japan has quietly addressed both its demographic decline and worker shortage by allowing its non-Japanese population to surge to about 3.5 million, or just under 3 per cent of the population. The number of foreign residents rose by an average of roughly 1,000 per day over the course of 2024, of which about 10 per cent were Chinese. By next year, according to some projections, the total Chinese population of Japan is likely to hit a million. The Run-ri tend to have certain things in common: relative wealth, an obsession with education, a faith in Tokyo real estate as a store of value — and aspirations to own a seven-seater Toyota Alphard. “Yes, I am Run-ri. I think I fit many of the descriptions,” agreed a 41-year-old IT engineer who left Shenzhen in 2022 and was dropping his son off at an after-hours tutorial school near Toyosu station when approached by the FT. The school is one of many in pockets of Tokyo where Chinese represent more than 10 per cent of the student cohort. There has also been a surge of Chinese enquiries for places in Tokyo’s international schools, to as much as 60 per cent of the total in some cases. The engineer’s apartment is nearby in the Branz tower, a huge block of high-end flats overlooking Tokyo Bay, of which about 20 per cent are believed to have been sold to people with Chinese names, according to local estate agents. A listing for a three-bedroom flat in a nearby tower displayed in the window of a Chinese-owned estate agent in Roppongi had an asking price of ¥350mn ($2.4mn). Other newly built developments nearby, including a vast complex built as the athletes’ village for the Tokyo 2020 Olympics, have similar ratios of Chinese buyers. “My wife and I wanted a city life, and we thought we had that in Shenzhen. But during the pandemic, and maybe before that, we saw a more scary side of China,” the engineer said. “A state that knew it could do anything it wanted, and no longer seemed interested in protecting the middle class. It was difficult to leave our home, but also easy to start a new one here.” For many Chinese, the first proper encounter with Japan and Japanese people is as tourists. Some seven million visited Japan from mainland China last year. Often, these visits dispel negative images of Japan that have been established over decades. Cao first came to Tokyo in 2017 on a business trip for the trading company she was working for, and she quickly fell for the city. “I had decided by the following year that I wanted to move here. I liked the calmer atmosphere. Even when places are crowded, they feel calm here.” She homed in on Bunkyo ward for its reputation as the educational heart of the Japanese capital. A single mother of two, Cao has stretched herself financially to make a life for her family in Tokyo, and the state-run schools and private crammers in the area have a reputation for quality. There are some local government subsidies for residents on tight budgets, and children who arrive in the local public schools in Bunkyo not speaking Japanese as their first language are offered a certain number of extra Japanese language lessons. Meanwhile, Japan’s schools are emptying. In 2016, the number of Japanese babies born fell below one million for the first time since records began in 1899. By 2024, the number was just 686,000. In rural Japan, that has meant a steady beat of school closures, but in the middle of Tokyo it means there are places available. The effect has been striking. Very quickly, Cao found herself pulled into an educational arms race with other Chinese parents. “The middle class? They are super, super competitive, and that is a big part of what they want here,” says Cao, opening her phone to reveal a school chat group of Chinese parents. It is a cavalcade of paranoia and passive aggression. “Should the kids go to a private or a public school? Should they do this particular exam? Is that school good? Is that teacher intelligent enough? What scores did everyone get? It’s not what I wanted,” she says. As the Chinese community in Bunkyo has expanded, the children have begun to group together and do not speak Japanese outside school, she says. Within school, it is already becoming a distraction. “A lot of Chinese like to be in that environment, but I do not,” says Cao, who prefers not to be too explicit about where she plans to move next for fear that other Run-ri will follow. Many thousands of Chinese leave their country every year — for the US, Canada, Australia, Europe or other parts of Asia. Historically, China produced a large flow of emigrants with almost no assets. More recently, it has become a world leader in the export of high-net-worth individuals (those with liquid assets over $1mn), with an estimated 12,500 departing in 2024. Economic instability and tightening authoritarianism at home is now producing a third category of leavers: middle-class Chinese headed for what might be described as the Bolt-hole of the Rising Sun, just a three-hour flight from Shanghai. At the same time, President Donald Trump and his Maga movement have caused many would-be Chinese emigrants to cross the US off their preferred-destination lists. A small but growing number of Chinese, known as the Er-run (“second runners”), who moved to the US years or even decades ago, are also jumping ship again — to Japan. Despite Tokyo’s vulnerability to regional tensions, trade wars and natural disasters, the city seems to suit an era of globalised uncertainty. A chronically weak yen makes everything seem cheap to those with foreign assets. And, for now at least, Japan makes it relatively easy for incomers to obtain a visa as a highly skilled professional or business owner. Setting up a company of a type that supports at least one business manager visa requires roughly $35,000 of capital and a further $5,000–$10,000 of administrative fees, according to several lawyers. Plans have been mooted by the government to significantly expand the minimum required capital. Was it any coincidence that Alibaba founder Jack Ma chose to move to Tokyo, of all possible cities, when he fell out of favour with Beijing in late 2021? “Of course it was not,” says one close Japanese acquaintance of the billionaire, who used to meet Ma regularly at a Chinese-owned private members’ club in the city. “What is far more fascinating is that the same calculations now make perfect sense to those with only a minuscule fraction of Ma’s fortune.” Ma was followed to Tokyo by others from China’s business elite, a trend that only added to its aspirational allure. Occasional sightings of Chinese tech founders walking nonchalantly around Nogizaka or Ginza in casual clothes have become fodder for Chinese social media as well as right-of-centre Japanese outlets harrumphing that no good will come of this migratory tsunami. But it is the more modest incoming Chinese wealth that demands the most scrutiny, says Takehiro Masutomo, an academic and journalist whose book Run Ri was published in January. The book (available only in Japanese) is the first serious probe of the Run-ri phenomenon as a socio-economic force, and continues to sell strongly. Even without Masutomo’s work — which notes ski resorts, forests, sake breweries, hotels, restaurants and other businesses being cornered by incoming Chinese buyers — it is becoming impossible to ignore what is happening. The total size of the Chinese population in Japan was about 200,000 in 1995. It rose through the early 2000s, and settled at roughly 700,000 between 2010 and 2021. Since then, though, the numbers have soared. Masutomo estimates about 100,000 immigrants fit the definition of Run-ri. He notes distinct waves: between the early 1980s and early 2010s, settlers were often from Fujian and China’s north-east, and lived mostly in rural Japan or cheaper suburbs of Tokyo and Osaka. They were mainly trainees or students, had few assets, could speak Japanese and were pro-Beijing. A much larger proportion of today’s arrivals, meanwhile, come from Tier-1 Chinese cities, live in the central wards of big metropolises, have sizable financial assets, are not fluent in Japanese and have little affection for the Xi Jinping regime. A Shanghai native who used to work in online media and who asked to be known as James is one of those preparing to leave. James’s wife will move to Japan on a highly skilled professional visa, and he will follow. They are just weeks away from becoming Run-ri. After extensive research, James fixed on Urawa, a suburb about 70 minutes from central Tokyo, as the place to live. The property is relatively cheap and the public education is good, he says. But underlying all his decisions is something else: “In the past, it was always about America. Nobody wants to go to the US now. Not with Trump. A lot of us have membership of the Chinese Communist party, just because that was what we needed to do to get ahead in business. So now, with that membership, you are afraid you’ll probably be denied a [US] visa.” Tokyo feels politically safer. “I don’t know who will win between the US and China, but Japan is in the middle. Japan is a good place to set up my second life,” says James. “Japan is stable. It has rational politics. It has no Chinese nationalists. No Maga. It just has a normal society. And I think that the number of people [in Shanghai] who share this kind of thinking is on the rise. Everyone has a third term for Trump or a fourth term for Xi in their mind, and they don’t like it.” Once the Run-ri decide to leave China, they confront a series of practical obstacles and financial risks. A parallel service industry of Chinese and Japanese entrepreneurs has emerged to solve these problems. At least one private hospital in central Tokyo has renovated entire floors to cater to wealthy foreigners, assuming most will be Chinese. Japan’s biggest investment banks have expanded domestic services to target the wealthiest Run-ri. Some of Japan’s best sushi and teppanyaki chefs, said two restaurateurs, have vanished behind the doors of private clubs built principally for Chinese clients. Ambition DX, a Tokyo-listed real-estate brokerage, explicitly advertises itself as an expert in catering to the Run-ri boom. Alex Hayashi, founder of Compass Capital, a consulting firm started in Tokyo in 2019, suggests that few in Japan — whether in finance or government — grasp how unlike any previous wave of immigration this influx is. “Why are there so many Chinese entrepreneurs here? Because they feel they have no other options,” he said. “In the past, people trying to get out of China would head for Singapore, but it’s too small, there are not enough investment opportunities. There was a previous wave of Hongkongers wanting to move to Tokyo, but they weren’t looking for double-digit investment returns like the new generation of Chinese do.” The most tangible impact has been on property prices in Tokyo — an issue over which populist Japanese politicians have stoked anger. Prices of higher-end apartments in the capital, and land in central wards for low-rise houses, have risen significantly since 2022. Masutomo says the influx is jarring for Japanese. For more than 60 years, since it became a developed nation, Japan thought of itself as the richest and most sophisticated country in Asia. That idea is now being challenged by wealthy colonists, particularly humiliating because of the weakness of the yen. “I think this is the first time that Japan has really confronted richer and more sophisticated immigrants from Asia,” says Masutomo. “It is making Japanese people feel poor in their own country.” A sporty man in his thirties, who asks to be known as Guo, meets me in a busy café in Nakano — a lively, shabby warren of often Chinese-owned restaurants and bars. Guo moved with his wife from Beijing to Tokyo in 2022. They obtained working visas in about four months, he says. Many of their friends are also in Tokyo on business manager visas. To qualify, they either set up companies or bought small, failing Japanese businesses on the cheap. Guo works for one of what he reckons are about 50 Chinese-staffed real-estate agents catering to other Chinese. Many of his colleagues left or were cut from big Chinese tech companies such as Tencent, Baidu, Alibaba and Meituan. Some went to Rakuten or Japanese travel firms. “We get 200 enquiries every month, and perhaps a deal or two every week. There is an urgency in their buying, because they have seen property prices collapse in China and they see Tokyo as a place where property values will hold,” Guo says. About half of the deals are made by Chinese who intend to live in the properties. They have specific requirements: enough floorspace to bring elderly relatives from China or host visitors, and — very importantly — a parking space big enough for a Toyota Alphard. A new Alphard costs the equivalent of $130,000 in China and carries huge status. In Japan, the same car costs about $40,000. “They have seen celebrities in China being driven around in them. They want to buy all of that prestige but for a really low price in yen.” When Guo and his wife arrived in Tokyo, they faced the usual problems. Very rich Chinese can set up bank accounts or paper companies in Singapore and Hong Kong to remit funds into Japan. But for most Run-ri, says Guo, opening a Japanese bank account, getting savings out of China or even renting a flat is a challenge. An extensive underground banking system has emerged to circumvent China’s restrictions on capital flows. Guo and three others estimate that about 70 per cent of Tokyo-based property transactions by Chinese buyers involve one of these underground banks. It works like this: the banks convert renminbi into yen via a complex network of laundering facilities that include dollar-generating Chinese import businesses in Africa. The customer delivers funds to a representative of the bank in China, then arranges to receive yen at various locations in Japanese cities. Cash is couriered in huge quantities — one agent said a North Face waterproof rucksack is the favoured receptacle — with the underground bankers taking as much as a 100 basis point margin on each transaction. A million dollars’ worth of renminbi can be converted into yen in about a day. “It has to be very discreet. A lot of the customers are the families of Chinese government officials,” says Guo. The “accidental” founder of several Chinese bookstores, Zhang Jieping, was born in Wuxi and moved to Tokyo in 2024. Leading me from a café near Koenji station through side streets, she shows me her shop, Nowhere Party. Inside, the apartment has been converted into a small, elegantly congested bookshop selling commentary and criticism that cannot appear on shelves in Xi’s China. Zhang’s shop, which opened this year, doubles as a space for lectures, book clubs and discussion groups. It is one of four Chinese bookstores to open in Tokyo in the past three years, alongside Daxiangjie (One Way Street) and Juwairen (The Stranger). Zhang, a journalist for more than a decade, had previously opened bookshops in Taipei, Chiang Mai and The Hague. “A bookshop owner follows people’s demands. One role is as a business owner, the other is as an observer of communities. It’s like a window.” About 60 per cent of her Tokyo customers are from mainland China. Some of the books she sells are banned outright there; others are simply unavailable. While there is interest in “juicy topics” like direct criticism of Xi, Zhang says Run-ri in Tokyo are increasingly more interested in broader geopolitical reading. Masutomo agrees. By mid-2024, he noticed an “intellectual flight” to Tokyo: older Chinese, including academics, moving to the suburbs. “I don’t think they are trying to start a revolution from here, but it is interesting. The steady opening of bookshops and the concentration of Chinese intellectuals is quite unique. I don’t know other major cities where that happens apart from Tokyo.” He argues that the simultaneous integration of Chinese wealth and Chinese intellectuals will be key over the coming decade. “If they combine in a meaningful way, that will become political and they might be monitored more seriously by the CCP,” he says. One such dissident is Jia Jia, in his forties, who came on a visiting scholarship to the University of Tokyo. His main outlet is YouTube debates with other Chinese intellectuals. Before fleeing with his wife, Jia was detained by Chinese authorities under suspicion of involvement in an open letter calling on Xi to resign. Released but still under scrutiny, he left for Japan. “I don’t think I’m like most of the other Chinese who have come to Tokyo,” Jia says. “I was chased by the police. I am like a dissident. What has made me most happy has been coming to Tokyo. Here I sleep comfortably at night. I live without fear.” But he admits Tokyo has changed him. The haven has softened his edges. His writing has slowed, and he has begun to appreciate peace. “Some Chinese seek to find China in Japan,” he says. “Others try to change the course of China from Japan. A third group just tries to forget about China as soon as they arrive.” While that may capture how many Run-ri see Tokyo, there is no such neat summary of how Tokyo views them. The newcomers are a reminder that the city’s greatest asset is its capacity for reinvention, reconstruction and reimagining. Those powers have already been tested by war, natural disasters and economic catastrophe. The odds that it can manage immigration are good. submitted by /u/thinkbee to r/japan [link] [comments]

My parents built their brand new house, filled to the brim with all new furniture from a couple of specialty furniture stores around the SE United States. They paid a damn pretty penny for everything and even some items were so "specialty" made that they had to be ordered in months in advance to get to the house. I am not exaggerating when I till you the quality of all this furniture is just awful, especially compared to what they've paid for. Unpainted sections of the furniture all around and inside them, shoddy paint work in all little nooks and crannies, details in the work is chipped, unpainted, scuffed even before getting here and obvious defects just painted over. Metal pieces are so incredibly cheap, easily bent handles that don't stay in place and metal rings that constantly slip out of their spots. Whole pieces of these furnitures are knocked together with plastic inserts. So many spots of unsanded wood that'll just pick up dirt and dust. All this is from the dining room set, to their living room, bathrooms, bedrooms, and office. It looks like shit that you would find in the cheapest furniture stores 20 years ago. And let me talk to you about furniture 20+ years ago My grandmother has bedroom, living room, and dining room furniture that she bought 15, 20, and 25 years ago. Let me tell you, these pieces are absolutely fucking gorgeous, elegant, high quality made from HEAVY real solid wood. The metal pieces are fantastic, the drawers are perfect and close so smoothly. The paint job is great and these pieces all have this smooth, elegant curvature in its legs, table sides, drawers, cabinets, and fantastic detail all layed around. They've lasted so extremely well and even look modern in today's standards. Id absolutely kill to get furniture like hers, but I wouldn't even be able to find pieces near the same quality if I had to fill a house with them. Any piece I would find would look like shit compared to hers. Her furniture looks like insanely expensive pieces you'd find in those bougie furniture stores that no one goes into because they are too damn expensive. Want to know where she got all these pieces from? God damn fucking Rooms-to-Go and Big Lots. And none of it was ever expensive either, my grandparents were often on the poorer side, having to find the cheaper options they could get. But they just went into what ever store was available and had this kind of furniture easily accessible to them. Her couch from big lots 20 years ago has better build quality that blows my 1,000 couch I bought a year ago out of the water, which is currently falling apart with the inside stuffing just absolutely fucked. And I can't even properly fluff the inside back up because it's all cotton swab material that's held together by the most microscopicly thinnest material ever which has the filling spilling out of it. The fabric covers are falling apart at the seams and it's all such cheap quality that it's hard to even clean. I'm astounded at the quality my grandparents were able to get just 25 years ago at some regular big box store, while my parents could look around the whole country for a quality store and still can't get anything a fraction of the quality. And hell, maybe my parents just did a shit job with their research, but it shouldn't be this hard to go to a store and buy decent pieces. This is in every store I've ever been to, no matter where you go. You'll always find absolutely shit quality that every company will charge you out the ass for. It's so god damn ridiculous. submitted by /u/NamedFruit to r/BuyItForLife [link] [comments]

Posted this on the pitbull community, but it's pending approval. I need someone to read this screed, so I'm posting it here too since I'm unironically seething and some of you get it. So, I live in a rural/farm community in Indiana. Our specific "town", and nearby unincorporated communities have a grand total of less than 6-7k people. Town itself is

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Complex-Wing7114 posting in r/offmychest and her user account Ongoing as per OOP 6 updates - Long Original - 27th April 2024 Update1 - 29th April 2024 Update2 - 30th April 2024 Update3 - 7th May 2024 Update4 - 14th May 2024 Update5 - 26th May 2024 Update6 - 25th June 2024 ​ 1 New Update Update7 - 17th October 2024 ​ I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband ​ Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable. Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well. He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day. Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off. He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flight May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this? Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully. ​ Comments ​ naomi15 Do not take his divorce papers to submit! Who knows what agreements or stipulations he put in there! Get a lawyer and do your own ASAP! ​ aquavenatus First, contact your job and tell them your situation. They might have “an immediate job opening” for you. Second, contact any nearby DV shelters and ask them for assistance with your plans. Last, file a police report so they know what’s going on; and, so your STBX cannot file a missing person’s report for you. Good luck. ​ Update1 - 2 days later ​ So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime. All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath. I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do. I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him. There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job. Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time. ​ Comments ​ aquavenatus Forget the hidden cameras! The clauses he had written into the divorce papers are extremely troubling. God Forbid you did sign those papers, I don’t believe for a moment that your STBX would have found a way to get you pregnant, with or without your consent. I know you’re pretending you didn’t find the cameras, but I would change clothes either in the bathroom or in the closet. This way he can’t threaten you with naked photos of you later on. Also, make sure all of your essential documents are on you just in case you leave quicker than you planned on leaving. I hope you hear back on the new location by tomorrow. The sooner the better. ~10 days remaining. P.S. Purchase your Departure Ticket with cash! All card payments can be tracked! ​ Update2 - 1 days later ​ Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MIL to show me his favorite recipes. Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm. I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind. My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in. ​ Comments ​ Vox289 Rather than killing the power breaker unplugging the WiFi router/modem would be sufficient. Small cameras like that are wireless with possibly an sd card backup but they’re not hard wired to the internet and the internet being down is easier to pull off than the power being out since most power companies have live outage maps ​ zoeheriot As someone who has done this, I have to applaud you for having the courage to do it. I left my shite husband in 2017 when an opportunity opened up in my company to go from Georgia to Arizona. I secretly packed everything I owned and brought it to my office to store until my move. Then I scheduled my direct deposit to shift to my new bank account, and made all the other changes to separate us. Seven years on, it remains the very best decision I've ever made. I hope everything goes smoothly for you! ​ Update3 - 7 days later ​ It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left. My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through. I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this. I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown. ​ Update 4 - 7 days later ​ Sorry I haven't updated for a while, things got hectic and a bit chaotic honestly. Firstly, I'm working on getting an apartment still and have applications in at three different places and will hopefully hear back from them soon. I'm still going into work here at the new location, so I don't have to worry about burning through my emergency savings completely. I've gotten a lot of emails from Alex, his family and our old friend group asking question after question. I have only sent one return email to Alex, explaining that I don't believe we are truly compatible, and it is best we separate now. That his treatment of me when I'd done nothing to deserve as such was just as much of a deal breaker as cheating was for him. I ended the email with the statement that I would not be contacting him further and anything else he needed to pass on to me or vice versa would be done through my lawyer. For his family and friends, I just typed up one email outlining everything that had happened and why I left. I told them I wished them no ill will, but that such treatment of his wife and partner was not acceptable. That should Alex get remarried in the future, I wished they would help support both partners and not just Alex. Alex, from what my lawyer told me, was livid when he was served. The sheriff actually ended up booking him for assault on an officer and menacing due to the threats he was shouting. His father bailed him out in a few hours, but with the testimony of the sheriff, my lawyer believes I have a very good chance at getting a restraining order. Alex, upon returning to the house, apparently lost his temper again, breaking the dining table into pieces as well as the tv, and putting several holes in the walls. At least that's what one of the emails from one of our friends reported as Alex called him to help him clean up the mess. My lawyer already has pictures of the house I took, with timestamps as evidence nothing had been damaged by me. My friend reported that Alex tried to claim I'd been the one to trash the house but the holes in the wall were at head height - Alex is 6'3", and I'm 5'4" so he knew that was false. Either way, taking the pictures definitely will help me so again thank you everyone here for the advice because I never would have thought of that on my own. My work won't share details of where I am, as I do work with some higher end clientele who value security and that information won't be gossiped about and no, I'm not some stripper or escort. I deal with contracts, notary and business management. As such, even if Alex tried to use my work to find me, he wouldn't succeed. ​ Comments ​ Any_Broccoli_6414 Yikes the fact that he blew a fuse and started destroying things really is a red flag I'm glad you left before he would've ever snapped and ended up hurting you. I hope your life gets better from here on OP you deserve it good luck! ​ Update - 12 days later ​ It’s been a little bit, and I thought I’d answer some questions before giving my update. It may be a while after this until things change. Firstly, No I didn’t bring my car. The public transport here is good enough to use without needing one. I have secured an apartment, and the building has good security. You need a key card to enter, and there is a security guard at a desk right by the entrance to the building. As part of my contract, I gave them a photo of Alex and his family so that even in the off chance they do find me, they won’t be let in. The responses I got from the emails varied. His family said I was overreacting, and that I owe Alex an apology for the problems this has caused him. The pending criminal charges puts him at risk of losing his job if he’s convicted. Alex sent a long email, apologizing and pleading for me to come home. He said he was worried for me, that he is willing to go to therapy if it will appease me. He wants us to remain together, and he didn’t think leaving was an appropriate response to his genuine concern and worry for my health and safety. The friends gave somewhat lacking replies, saying that they didn’t think Alex was ever going to hurt me and that I shouldn’t be letting my imagination run away wild. As much as I want to say I was surprised by the lack of support, I’m honestly not. He intends to fight the divorce. I am letting my lawyer handle it, and I am also pursuing a protective order as well. Once I got approved for my apartment, I also froze my credit. I’ve changed my phone carrier and number, as well as making sure none of my documents list Alex as next of kin or POA. Some have asked why I was so paranoid about Alex and his possible future actions. The answer for that actually is somewhat simple – my grandmother. I loved that woman to bits. As a teen, she explained why my grandfather was never around. He was extremely abusive and manipulative, and her generation didn’t allow divorce really. She wouldn’t have been able to buy a house or get a good enough job to support her and my mother on her own. As such, she endured it, shielded my mom as she could until my grandfather died. When I felt like I may have been overreacting, I remembered how she’d said she’d always wished she’d been able to see grandfather for what he was early on when she may have been able to annul the marriage. I don’t know when I’ll update again, maybe when the divorce goes through or if something big happens but until then, I’m just trying to keep my head above the water. ​ Comments ​ big_bob_c Glad to her you're doing well and safely away from him. If you didn't mention it to the alleged friend group, I would send a follow-up that Alex threatened you with divorce regularly, and had a filled-out set of divorce papers as a prop. He valued your marriage so little that he used the threat of ending your marriage as a tool to micromanage your personal behavior, you have taken that lever away. As far as his alleged reasons for wanting to keep close tabs on you, it's common for cheaters to accuse their partner of the same. So get an STD test, you have no idea who or what he has been doing on his business trips. ​ driftwood-and-waves Replying just gives more fuel for Alex. Anything OP says, even to the friends will get back to him. He will twist it and use it for his benefit. Not replying will piss him off because she's not giving him any control. He can't use what she says against her or gauge where she is emotionally etc so he can plan his next step. Not replying, not reacting, not giving any more information to anyone associated with him, or anyone except her lawyer just to be safe, and having all communication go through her lawyer will make him seeth. By staying silent, and healing and doing better she is winning. But I hella agree with getting tested for all the things. Go get blessed by a holy person or sage yourself and your things just to get all the ick out. ​ Update - 1 month later ​ It’s been a month since my previous update, and I wanted to share some of what’s been going on in the meantime. The divorce is proceeding, but even though I don’t need him to agree – and he’s not – it means I have to go through the courts to get it approved. As such, it could be upwards of six months to push it through even though I’m filing without attempting to claim property, alimony or compensation. I just want a clean break and separation. Alex has attempted to use our friends to reach out to me, as he doesn’t want to use my lawyer for communication. He’s saying its disrespectful and cowardly to hide behind my lawyer and not meet him face to face. Alex wrote me a letter that he did pass off to my lawyer, but the contents were him justifying his actions and claiming that in today's time it is dangerous for women to be on their own which is why he was so intent on trying to keep me safe from harm. He wanted me to understand that he was trying to protect me as best he could and was hurt that I would just lie to him and hide my actions from him related to my dissatisfaction with our marriage and my moving. I didn’t reply, because at no point did he apologize. All he did was turn everything around on me as I was being overly dramatic, emotional and cowardly. There was a second letter with Alex’s from my SIL. Her letter… was honestly disturbing and completely justified my misgivings regarding approaching her in any kind of professional capacity. She spent five paragraphs detailing how a ‘real abusive’ relationship looked like and that Alex was the furthest thing from abusive. The details she included were all related to financial abuse and physical abuse. Nothing like what Alex had been doing. She stated that my attempts to smear her brother’s name for attention and clout made me the abuser not him. I haven’t really been able to process that admittedly. Part of me can’t help but wonder if she’s right. I mean, I blindsided him by leaving as I did and am refusing to speak with him at all. My old boss recommended that I look into getting into therapy after I moved, and I think I need to. I have had a hard time adjusting to being on my own, I keep censoring myself and haven’t even gone out to eat yet. I always end up worrying about what if someone sees me, what if I get in trouble for spending my money on something frivolous… My lawyer is continuing to fight for the divorce, and I shouldn’t need to be physically present in court. Any meetings needed between me and the judge can be done via zoom. I’m trying to avoid confrontation with Alex and his family for now as much as I can and passed both letters to my lawyer in case he needs them. Our friends are mostly trying to avoid taking sides still, and I’m honestly approaching the point of just letting them go as well. I’m tired of fighting for them to understand at this point. I don’t know if anything is going to happen, so my next update may not be until around mid-November depending on how long it takes to push the divorce through. Work is going well, and it’s helpful to have something familiar to anchor my day to day life when so much has changed and is changing even now. ​ Comments ​ lady-scorpio-45 Oh yeah, demanding to be charge of all of the money, having divorce papers always filled out, setting up 3 cameras in your home, and demanding you wear a tracking device is all evidence of a nice, normal, healthy relationship. JFC. Your exSIL is such an A H. Don’t for one second take anything she said seriously. And your ex, just trying to “protect you as best he could”. BARF. You should be so proud of yourself for getting away from these lunatics. The road ahead may still be bumpy at times and it’ll take more time for your nerves to settle but you did it. Seek out a therapist still because it’s certainly a lot for one person to process all on their own. ​ New Update ​ Divorce Proceeding Update ​ It’s been a while since I last updated, as I needed to let the court step in as Alex was not willing to grant my request for a divorce. We started with mediated session via zoom, but after four sessions it was decided that no compromise could be reached between us. The things Alex was pushing for were one’s I’m not even willing to humor let alone agree to. He wanted me to tell our friends and those I’d sent the information to about his actions that I’d made it up in order to gain sympathy. He also wanted me to pay him for defamation and suffering, especially the wages he lost because of sitting in jail for two days and missing work before getting bailed out. Lastly, he also wanted me to return and to quote him ‘stop my foolish behavior and act like a proper wife and partner.’ Yeah no. So, needless to say, our ‘mediated’ sessions went absolutely nowhere. The judge isn’t seeming to buy into Alex’s act thankfully, because he’s certainly tried. It took me far too long to see Alex for who he was, and part of me feels like an idiot because I didn’t see it at all. Yet, the judge seemed to clock him for exactly what he is within the first meeting. Maybe I just didn’t want to see it. I don’t know. Alex ended up arguing with the Judge a LOT, even being held in contempt four different times. I think it's honestly why this moved as quick as it did. It didn't help that Alex tried to pull in his family as character witnesses but they were dismissed by the Judge as the 'abuse wasn't seen or heard by them, and as such, they only knew part of Alex's character.' In his closing statement after he approved the divorce, he went on to call Alex a narcissist and that if Alex loved himself so much to abuse the one he'd married to let the divorce happen and marry a mirror next. I didn't think a Judge was allowed to say that. At all. But my lawyer just shook his head and told me not to say anything so we left. So here’s the update I’m sure everyone’s been hoping for and guessed: I’m officially divorced. The documents were processed three days ago, and I’m still in disbelief. I have no contact with Alex any longer, nor do I want any. I’m not going to give our friends my new contact information. I may not have replied to everyone, though I tried, but I did read all of your comments. I really did. Your repeated statements about how they weren’t actually friends really helped me see that they weren’t. So, I decided that since I moved far from that place, I needed to start over. New home, new place, new friends. It’s slow, and I’ve started therapy though it took almost three months to get it due to the usual wait times but I’ve been going three times a week ever since. It’s helping, even with things I thought were done and dusted. Alex didn’t take the divorce well according to my lawyer who’s been keeping up with him to make sure he stays away from me. He did something at work, I don’t know what as obviously I have no way to gain that information, but whatever it was cost him his job. My lawyer also did something I didn’t expect him to, but something I think everyone will like – He took the letter my ex-sil sent me and forwarded it to the domestic violence organization she works for along with an formal statement regarding Alex, his actions, and the decision of the Judge. She’s been let go as well, and given how tight those organizations are with one another, my lawyer said that the likely hood of her getting a position at another is slim to none. I actually laughed, though I was a bit teary, when he said that and that ‘slim is on a leaky rowboat to China.’ I’ve been crying a lot lately, but my therapist says it’s normal and shows I’m actually processing things instead of bottling them up and pushing them down. I’ll try to update in a month or so, if my emotions level out some, to explain a few more of the details but I wanted to get this out there, and thank everyone for their continued support and encouragement. I appreciate each and every one of you. I really do. You gave me the hope that leaving him wasn’t going to be this giant black mark I’d never heal from or move on from. Work is going well, and the sense of normality and routine is helping me avoid feeling like everything has been spiraling out of control. ​ Comments ​ PanicConsistent9656 Congratulations, OP! You're free! Now it's time for you to heal. I wish good things to come for you and that you settle into your new life well. OOP: Thank you, part of me feels like I should notice healing, but while my therapist says it's happening, I don't see it. Not yet anyway. Hopefully soon I will. ​ PanicConsistent9656 Not to sound like a broken record, but I will say... healing takes time. It's also not linear. You could be fine one day and a total mess the next, but it just goes to show how much you've been keeping in this whole time. At least now, you get to actually process your emotions instead of burying them and be made to feel like you're the bad guy for even feeling those emotions. Stay strong, OP! ​ I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments submitted by /u/SharkEva to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Complex-Wing7114 posting in r/offmychest and her user account Ongoing as per OOP 6 updates - Long Original - 27th April 2024 Update1 - 29th April 2024 Update2 - 30th April 2024 Update3 - 7th May 2024 Update4 - 14th May 2024 Update5 - 26th May 2024 Update6 - 25th June 2024 ​ I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband ​ Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable. Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well. He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day. Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off. He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flight May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this? Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully. ​ Comments ​ naomi15 Do not take his divorce papers to submit! Who knows what agreements or stipulations he put in there! Get a lawyer and do your own ASAP! ​ aquavenatus First, contact your job and tell them your situation. They might have “an immediate job opening” for you. Second, contact any nearby DV shelters and ask them for assistance with your plans. Last, file a police report so they know what’s going on; and, so your STBX cannot file a missing person’s report for you. Good luck. ​ Update1 - 2 days later ​ So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime. All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath. I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do. I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him. There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job. Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time. ​ Comments ​ aquavenatus Forget the hidden cameras! The clauses he had written into the divorce papers are extremely troubling. God Forbid you did sign those papers, I don’t believe for a moment that your STBX would have found a way to get you pregnant, with or without your consent. I know you’re pretending you didn’t find the cameras, but I would change clothes either in the bathroom or in the closet. This way he can’t threaten you with naked photos of you later on. Also, make sure all of your essential documents are on you just in case you leave quicker than you planned on leaving. I hope you hear back on the new location by tomorrow. The sooner the better. ~10 days remaining. P.S. Purchase your Departure Ticket with cash! All card payments can be tracked! ​ Update2 - 1 days later ​ Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MIL to show me his favorite recipes. Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm. I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind. My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in. ​ Comments ​ Vox289 Rather than killing the power breaker unplugging the WiFi router/modem would be sufficient. Small cameras like that are wireless with possibly an sd card backup but they’re not hard wired to the internet and the internet being down is easier to pull off than the power being out since most power companies have live outage maps ​ zoeheriot As someone who has done this, I have to applaud you for having the courage to do it. I left my shite husband in 2017 when an opportunity opened up in my company to go from Georgia to Arizona. I secretly packed everything I owned and brought it to my office to store until my move. Then I scheduled my direct deposit to shift to my new bank account, and made all the other changes to separate us. Seven years on, it remains the very best decision I've ever made. I hope everything goes smoothly for you! ​ Update3 - 7 days later ​ It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left. My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through. I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this. I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown. ​ Update 4 - 7 days later ​ Sorry I haven't updated for a while, things got hectic and a bit chaotic honestly. Firstly, I'm working on getting an apartment still and have applications in at three different places and will hopefully hear back from them soon. I'm still going into work here at the new location, so I don't have to worry about burning through my emergency savings completely. I've gotten a lot of emails from Alex, his family and our old friend group asking question after question. I have only sent one return email to Alex, explaining that I don't believe we are truly compatible, and it is best we separate now. That his treatment of me when I'd done nothing to deserve as such was just as much of a deal breaker as cheating was for him. I ended the email with the statement that I would not be contacting him further and anything else he needed to pass on to me or vice versa would be done through my lawyer. For his family and friends, I just typed up one email outlining everything that had happened and why I left. I told them I wished them no ill will, but that such treatment of his wife and partner was not acceptable. That should Alex get remarried in the future, I wished they would help support both partners and not just Alex. Alex, from what my lawyer told me, was livid when he was served. The sheriff actually ended up booking him for assault on an officer and menacing due to the threats he was shouting. His father bailed him out in a few hours, but with the testimony of the sheriff, my lawyer believes I have a very good chance at getting a restraining order. Alex, upon returning to the house, apparently lost his temper again, breaking the dining table into pieces as well as the tv, and putting several holes in the walls. At least that's what one of the emails from one of our friends reported as Alex called him to help him clean up the mess. My lawyer already has pictures of the house I took, with timestamps as evidence nothing had been damaged by me. My friend reported that Alex tried to claim I'd been the one to trash the house but the holes in the wall were at head height - Alex is 6'3", and I'm 5'4" so he knew that was false. Either way, taking the pictures definitely will help me so again thank you everyone here for the advice because I never would have thought of that on my own. My work won't share details of where I am, as I do work with some higher end clientele who value security and that information won't be gossiped about and no, I'm not some stripper or escort. I deal with contracts, notary and business management. As such, even if Alex tried to use my work to find me, he wouldn't succeed. ​ Comments ​ Any_Broccoli_6414 Yikes the fact that he blew a fuse and started destroying things really is a red flag I'm glad you left before he would've ever snapped and ended up hurting you. I hope your life gets better from here on OP you deserve it good luck! ​ Update - 12 days later ​ It’s been a little bit, and I thought I’d answer some questions before giving my update. It may be a while after this until things change. Firstly, No I didn’t bring my car. The public transport here is good enough to use without needing one. I have secured an apartment, and the building has good security. You need a key card to enter, and there is a security guard at a desk right by the entrance to the building. As part of my contract, I gave them a photo of Alex and his family so that even in the off chance they do find me, they won’t be let in. The responses I got from the emails varied. His family said I was overreacting, and that I owe Alex an apology for the problems this has caused him. The pending criminal charges puts him at risk of losing his job if he’s convicted. Alex sent a long email, apologizing and pleading for me to come home. He said he was worried for me, that he is willing to go to therapy if it will appease me. He wants us to remain together, and he didn’t think leaving was an appropriate response to his genuine concern and worry for my health and safety. The friends gave somewhat lacking replies, saying that they didn’t think Alex was ever going to hurt me and that I shouldn’t be letting my imagination run away wild. As much as I want to say I was surprised by the lack of support, I’m honestly not. He intends to fight the divorce. I am letting my lawyer handle it, and I am also pursuing a protective order as well. Once I got approved for my apartment, I also froze my credit. I’ve changed my phone carrier and number, as well as making sure none of my documents list Alex as next of kin or POA. Some have asked why I was so paranoid about Alex and his possible future actions. The answer for that actually is somewhat simple – my grandmother. I loved that woman to bits. As a teen, she explained why my grandfather was never around. He was extremely abusive and manipulative, and her generation didn’t allow divorce really. She wouldn’t have been able to buy a house or get a good enough job to support her and my mother on her own. As such, she endured it, shielded my mom as she could until my grandfather died. When I felt like I may have been overreacting, I remembered how she’d said she’d always wished she’d been able to see grandfather for what he was early on when she may have been able to annul the marriage. I don’t know when I’ll update again, maybe when the divorce goes through or if something big happens but until then, I’m just trying to keep my head above the water. ​ Comments ​ big_bob_c Glad to her you're doing well and safely away from him. If you didn't mention it to the alleged friend group, I would send a follow-up that Alex threatened you with divorce regularly, and had a filled-out set of divorce papers as a prop. He valued your marriage so little that he used the threat of ending your marriage as a tool to micromanage your personal behavior, you have taken that lever away. As far as his alleged reasons for wanting to keep close tabs on you, it's common for cheaters to accuse their partner of the same. So get an STD test, you have no idea who or what he has been doing on his business trips. ​ driftwood-and-waves Replying just gives more fuel for Alex. Anything OP says, even to the friends will get back to him. He will twist it and use it for his benefit. Not replying will piss him off because she's not giving him any control. He can't use what she says against her or gauge where she is emotionally etc so he can plan his next step. Not replying, not reacting, not giving any more information to anyone associated with him, or anyone except her lawyer just to be safe, and having all communication go through her lawyer will make him seeth. By staying silent, and healing and doing better she is winning. But I hella agree with getting tested for all the things. Go get blessed by a holy person or sage yourself and your things just to get all the ick out. ​ Update - 1 month later ​ It’s been a month since my previous update, and I wanted to share some of what’s been going on in the meantime. The divorce is proceeding, but even though I don’t need him to agree – and he’s not – it means I have to go through the courts to get it approved. As such, it could be upwards of six months to push it through even though I’m filing without attempting to claim property, alimony or compensation. I just want a clean break and separation. Alex has attempted to use our friends to reach out to me, as he doesn’t want to use my lawyer for communication. He’s saying its disrespectful and cowardly to hide behind my lawyer and not meet him face to face. Alex wrote me a letter that he did pass off to my lawyer, but the contents were him justifying his actions and claiming that in today's time it is dangerous for women to be on their own which is why he was so intent on trying to keep me safe from harm. He wanted me to understand that he was trying to protect me as best he could and was hurt that I would just lie to him and hide my actions from him related to my dissatisfaction with our marriage and my moving. I didn’t reply, because at no point did he apologize. All he did was turn everything around on me as I was being overly dramatic, emotional and cowardly. There was a second letter with Alex’s from my SIL. Her letter… was honestly disturbing and completely justified my misgivings regarding approaching her in any kind of professional capacity. She spent five paragraphs detailing how a ‘real abusive’ relationship looked like and that Alex was the furthest thing from abusive. The details she included were all related to financial abuse and physical abuse. Nothing like what Alex had been doing. She stated that my attempts to smear her brother’s name for attention and clout made me the abuser not him. I haven’t really been able to process that admittedly. Part of me can’t help but wonder if she’s right. I mean, I blindsided him by leaving as I did and am refusing to speak with him at all. My old boss recommended that I look into getting into therapy after I moved, and I think I need to. I have had a hard time adjusting to being on my own, I keep censoring myself and haven’t even gone out to eat yet. I always end up worrying about what if someone sees me, what if I get in trouble for spending my money on something frivolous… My lawyer is continuing to fight for the divorce, and I shouldn’t need to be physically present in court. Any meetings needed between me and the judge can be done via zoom. I’m trying to avoid confrontation with Alex and his family for now as much as I can and passed both letters to my lawyer in case he needs them. Our friends are mostly trying to avoid taking sides still, and I’m honestly approaching the point of just letting them go as well. I’m tired of fighting for them to understand at this point. I don’t know if anything is going to happen, so my next update may not be until around mid-November depending on how long it takes to push the divorce through. Work is going well, and it’s helpful to have something familiar to anchor my day to day life when so much has changed and is changing even now. ​ Comments ​ lady-scorpio-45 Oh yeah, demanding to be charge of all of the money, having divorce papers always filled out, setting up 3 cameras in your home, and demanding you wear a tracking device is all evidence of a nice, normal, healthy relationship. JFC. Your exSIL is such an A H. Don’t for one second take anything she said seriously. And your ex, just trying to “protect you as best he could”. BARF. You should be so proud of yourself for getting away from these lunatics. The road ahead may still be bumpy at times and it’ll take more time for your nerves to settle but you did it. Seek out a therapist still because it’s certainly a lot for one person to process all on their own. ​ I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments submitted by /u/SharkEva to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/MyKeysWereStolen My MIL stole my collection of vintage skeleton keys to sell at pawn and buy herself a new phone Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole, EntitledPeople and OOP's own page Thank you to u/queenlegolas & u/e_l_r for suggesting this BoRU Thanks to u/gdude0000 for finding the new update Previous BoRU OOP originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole but I'm using the EntitledPeople posts as they have more details and information TRIGGER WARNING: theft, emotional abuse and manipulation, verbal abuse, financial abuse, gaslighting MOOD SPOILER: OOP has become insufferable and I no longer even want to play him a tiny violin. Original Post Feb 7, 2024 My best friend recommended reddit to begin with has suggested this subreddit. And even said I should have posted here first. I'm dividing the post into two halves to make it easier to read. My MIL is insanely entitled. And my wife's enabling of her has made our marriage very hard at times. MIL has come to us for money a lot because she keeps spending herself into a hole since she's a hoarder and a shopaholic. Her house is full of garbage, junk, and unopened stuff she never uses. The house is rodent infested too. She has one semi-clean room in the whole building. And it's the master bedroom. She's mocked it up like a little studio apartment with a futon to sleep on and use as a couch, an entertainment center with TV and streaming, and a makeshift kitchen consisting of the adjoining bathroom, a mini-fridge and a microwave. MIL's also overweight because she eats out a lot. Recently MIL came to us wanting me specifically to buy her a new smartphone as an unprompted gift. And she threw a massive fit when I refused. And I mean a child temper tantrum kind of fit. Why did she want a new phone so suddenly? Hers was two years old, that's literally it. As far as I know, it still worked fine. Even my wife has confirmed this. But MIL was resolute that she deserved a new phone. And before leaving, MIL yelled at us that we're supposed to be pampering her now that she's an old woman. She's 53. My wife also didn't want to buy her mother the phone because she gave her money not long before to make sure her bills were paid. I have quite a collection of vintage skeleton keys. And I mean good ones. Like ones to particular hotels, the large ornate Sargents, brass railroad keys, Reading Hardware, etc. My collection as a whole should easily be worth two to three thousand dollars. Some of those keys are super rare. I kept them in a locked display cabinet. But a few days ago I came home to find my entire collection gone. The cabinet had been forced open. I checked the CCTV for the living room, and saw my MIL force open the cabinet with a small crowbar. She then put all the keys in a couple of boxes she'd brought with her and left with them. I called MIL right away and demanded she return my collection. She nonchalantly told me she sold the entire collection at pawn already, and used the money for her new phone. Then said it was my fault, and she had to do it because I wouldn't give her the money. My wife was seemingly on my side, until I said I was going to call police. She begged me to just drop it. And even suggested I just start a new collection. I refused to let it go, because a lot of those keys are not only expensive, they're irreplaceable. I spent 10 years building that collection. But my wife kept blowing up at me and telling me to just let it go. So I slept in the guest room that night and sought online help the next day when my best friend told me to try Reddit. I'd been a lurker before. But making an account wasn't hard. My MIL has been trouble in the past. But this was the first time I know of that she'd stolen from us. I needed help, so I asked here. The resounding advice finally made me pull my head out of my bum to realize I was the only one keeping my marriage afloat. And it would likely never get any better if my wife wasn't on my side when her own mother steals something irreplaceable from me. Now to answer some quick questions I got before. 1: How did MIL get into the house? My wife unilaterally gave her a key when we moved in, that's why. 2: Why did I have CCTV cameras in the living room? Really? Wouldn't you do that if you had something valuable on display there? 3: Is MIL on drugs? No idea, she's always been crazy. 4: Did MIL steal from us before? Not that I have been able to tell. And I've checked everything I could think of. 5: what kind of phone did MIL get? Not a clue. But probably one of the cheaper smartphones with the amount of money she got selling my stuff. Unless she's on a payment plan. 6: Did my wife use my money to placate her mother before? Yes she did. We primarily have separate accounts. But we do have a joint account we pay the bills with. So it's not used for savings. In two years of marriage, I'd say it happened roughly 5 times. Every time my wife took money from the joint account for her mother, she always replaced it on her next payday. Though in hindsight, I think she only did so because she knew I'd never let it go, because she would always have an attitude with me for a few days after. I was in a bad marriage fog before. But this whole situation has snapped me right out of it. 7: Will I lock down my credit? Already I have. Though I'm not sure my wife or her mother would be so stupid to do something like that after MIL was recently arrested. I have gotten my collection back, and hidden it somewhere my wife and MIL have no idea where it is. I'll provide more detail in another post tomorrow. Edit: Since it keeps being mentioned, yes I did call police, yes an arrest was made, yes my wife is a soon to be ex. Know that I'm taking many precautions right now. Update 1 Feb 8, 2024 Back to what happened that day, police did come and take my statement a bit over an hour after I called the non-emergency line. I had video footage, and the documentation of my collection ready. And then there was some texts I went out of my way to get from MIL to bait her into a confession. I wanted as much evidence as possible so she couldn't lie to police. When I texted her demanding she get my collection back. She actually LOL'ed and told me not a chance. And even boasted that she thought I was a pathetic son-in-law, and my key collection was tacky anyway. I told her to at least tell me what pawn shop she sold the keys to so I could go buy them back, and how much they paid her for them. And the dimwit admitted it all right away with glee in text. I had everything I needed for the police before they even showed up. The cops took the whole matter more seriously than I thought. I was worried they'd call it a civil matter since the thief was my MIL, and she had a key to the house. But they arrested MIL before long. And police went to the pawn shop before it closed to retrieve my collection. I got it all back from police after a couple of days. And for the moment I've put the collection in a safe secure place that no one can get to. The pawn shop pretty much gave up the entire key collection to police right away like it was a bag of hot potatoes. Though I scrutinized every important key brought back, as far as I can tell it's all there. That was a huge sigh of relief. I took time off work and barely slept for two days because of this ordeal. Also, the cabinet MIL broke into is pretty much a loss since she mangled the lock and doors prying it open. Thankfully it wasn't an antique, and just something I got used for $50. So I'm just going to take it to the dump sooner or later. From her texts before, I found out MIL sold the whole collection to the pawn for a whopping total of $300! >_< For a collection of hundreds of antique keys valued at two to three grand as a total, that low number felt like a punch in the gut to me. Likely the pawn broker knew how valuable the collection could be as a whole. I mean, it's not like hitting a jackpot or anything. But money is still money. Especially when a dumb little lady walks in with a box of goodies. Anyone else hear Mr. Krabs laughing? Anyway, the cost of repayment to the shop was supposed to be on MIL. But my wife paid them back out of our joint account instead. From what the shop owner said, MIL told them the key collection belonged to her deceased husband. And she was sick of the whole collection sitting in storage. So they believed her. But just to be clear, she's not a widow. Her husband divorced her and left the state around 15 years ago. MIL lives off social security and foodstamps. She also holds garage sales every few months. And she often demanded our soda and beer cans so she could get the deposit money recycling them. MIL doesn't drive, she gets around on an electric scooter that tows a bicycle trailer. She lives in a long paid off house, and she would not be having money troubles if she wasn't overspending every month. And she always counts on my wife to pick up the slack when she comes up short. My wife and I got in a huge fight when she got home because I had her mother arrested. But I told her I'm done with her enabling of her toxic mother. I said I was changing the locks ASAP and banning her mother from the house. And I also said that either we got marriage counseling, or I'd be inquiring about my options for separation from an attorney. I thought my wife would beg me not to do that. But instead she just called me horrible, packed a suitcase and walked out to go to a motel. I just sat on the couch and let her go. She repeatedly looked like she was waiting for me to ask her to stay. But I didn't. In the morning she texted me she'd be bailing her mother out, and wanted me transfer her the money to pay for it since I was the one who got her mother arrested. When I said no, all I got back was a sarcastic "Wow!", and that was it. Not too long later I had a gut feeling and checked the balance on the shared bank account. And my wife had taken out a lot of money. I wasn't sure if all that was needed for bail, so I called the pawn shop later. The owner confirmed my wife had come in and paid him back the $300 that he'd paid her mother for the keys. He was also quite angry and said he didn't want any of us in his shop ever again. I understood his anger, and weirdly enough had a fairly long talk with this guy. And he understands now that I'm not part of the crazy. I tried to call and text my wife for hours. But she didn't answer. That evening I managed to find her. I knew which motel she'd likely go to, and I was right. It was both cheap and not far away. I found her car, and then figured out which room she was in. She looked positively shocked to see me when she opened the door. I confronted her about the money she'd used from our shared account. She basically said that since I refused to pay her mother's bail after I was the one who had her arrested, she got the money from me another way. Then smugly stated she wasn't paying that money back into the shared account this time, and told me that's the karma I get, before shutting the door in my face. Then said through the door she'd call the cops on me if I didn't leave. The smug look she'd given me reminded me of nasty teenage girls when they get their way. It really ticked me off. I already knew my marriage was pretty much over. But that night it really sank in. I had a long sit-down with some old video games and cola to think about my future. The house is rented, so I'm not renewing my half of the lease, and will soon be apartment hunting. The last month of the lease is March. But I may leave sooner, depending on how soon I can find an apartment. We have no kids yet, thank god. So that's another thing I currently have in my favor. The next day I changed the locks on the house and removed all of my money from the joint bank account, and stopped all automated payments to and from it. I made sure to take only the amount of money I'd put into the account. There was still more than enough in it for me to break even and still leave the minimum required balance on the account. Either way the cost of MIL's bail and paying back the pawn shop was now entirely out of my wife's pocket now. And I don't think she's noticed yet. But it shouldn't be long. I've been to a couple different divorce lawyers already, and I picked the second one since the first seemed like they were only there for a paycheck. I'll have the divorce papers served soon. I loved my wife, but it's clear she didn't love me. So I can't stay with her anymore. She can have her thieving hoarder mommy all to herself now. We both have very comparable incomes, so I'll be pushing for a clean split divorce. This woman didn't deserve me, and I fell for her act. She didn't want a husband, she wanted an insurance plan. I'll be clear on this, I won't be changing my mind about divorce. My soon to be ex-wife can beg and love-bomb all she wants, if she even bothers to. I've never been her #1. And I'm not gonna settle for being #2 in my own marriage. It. Is. Over! Edit: Yes I asked the landlord to allow me to change the locks. He was all for it when I told him what happened. All I had to do was mail him a copy of the new key. He doesn't want my MIL to ever have a key to the house again. Here's some pics of part of my collection Feb 3, 2024 6 Pictures of a variety if old keys Update 2 - Had my wife served for divorce since she sided with her key stealing entitled mother Feb 9, 2024 Just because I found the thought of it humorous, I'll be referring to my wife as Wifey a lot from now on. Also, I know I seem like I'm posting too fast. But remember this originally started around 10 days ago, and I've not wasted time in getting the divorce started. I also apologize for the length of this post as I could not keep it short. It really didn't take me long to find and hire a divorce lawyer. And she's mean! Yes, my lawyer is a woman. And she seems pretty good at her job. She asked me a couple of times if I was really sure I wanted to do this. But once I explained my full story to her and showed some evidence, she agreed with me when I said I wanted to start ASAP. So she got the ball rolling. Oh this divorce is going to cost me. But I don't care. I'll rebuild my savings later as a free man. I didn't even want to rent the house I'm currently living in anyway. Wifey pushed for that. I'd have been happy staying in our old apartment we used to share until we could have actually afforded to buy a house together instead. But that's obviously never happening. I'll be paying a lot less for an apartment once we separate. Before coming home, Wifey spent some time at a cheap motel when she bailed her mother out of jail. And she even threatened to call police on me when I went to see her there. I changed the locks with my landlord's permission while Wifey was still away, and sent her a text saying I'd done so. But I guess she'd not bothered to look since she never responded. So upon returning home she ended up pounding on the door and screaming at me to let her in. I just watched her through the doorbell cam and let her keep it up for a while before she finally got on her phone to call me. I was already walking home from having had dinner with my best friend when she called, and I pointed out the text she'd not bothered to read. When I got home to let her in, she was puffy-cheeked, teary eyed, and red with a bit of cat-butt-face. I had a new key ready for her, and told her if she gave a copy to her mother again, I'd be notifying our landlord, as they were already very angry she'd given her mother a key to begin with. Not sure what the landlord could have done. But it was enough to make Wifey comply for the moment. Plus, I'm not gonna be living here much longer anyway. My MIL still believes she did absolutely nothing wrong, and is playing victim to Wifey every chance she gets. She's not allowed over anymore, for obvious reasons. And I've been repeatedly called a monster by her and Wifey. I've never been more glad that MIL has no friends, because then she'd be telling them all her convoluted version of the story to paint me as a villain, I just know it. She was told how much my key collection is roughly worth, and what kind of felony charges she could be facing. Though my collection was returned fully intact. So she may get the charges lessened. I'd like to hope she gets a decent punishment at least. But I'm not really counting on the system to throw the book at a manipulator like her. As I said in my previous post, Wifey also paid her mother's bail and what she owed to the pawn shop with money out of our joint bank account, and then smugly told me that she wouldn't be putting the money back. Basically that was a terrible power move, and her only way to try and put all the cost on me. I've since removed everything I had in that account, and stopped all future payments to it so she can't spend my money too. And I've changed my passwords to pretty much everything. Wifey flipped the hell out on me for it once she finally checked the account a couple days ago, because that meant that what she paid for MIL's bail and reimbursing the pawn shop was all in her money only. And now there was no more access to my funds to supplement her own with. I just ignored her tantrum and went into the home office to watch anime on my computer. She banged on the door for a while demanding I talk to her. I just stayed quiet and put on headphones. Wifey has repeatedly demanded I drop all charges against her mother, and even said that if I really loved her, I would not only stop all this, I'd cover the cost too. When I kept refusing, she moved into the spare bedroom. She tried to kick me out of the master bedroom first. But I made it clear I'm not giving up the master bedroom when she's the one at fault. She tried to start taking my stuff out, but I just blocked her while pointing my finger at her face and said "NO!" like I was talking to a dog. She ended up crying and saying I was demeaning her. But I didn't care. Then for some more deception on her part, she admitted to me out of pure spite that until this mess had started, she'd been planning on letting her mother come live with us full time soon because of the state of her hoarder house. She boasted that she was just gonna move her in while I was at work. I told her we were supposed to be equal partners before this all happened. And I was sick of her unilateral decision making. And as long as I'm paying 50% of the lease, her mother will not be living here. And if she tried, I'd throw all her mother's stuff out immediately. Wifey looked like she wanted to explode, and stormed off to have a drink and a loud phone-call with her mother in the kitchen. I just started removing her stuff from the master bedroom and left it in the other room for her. I've put a new lock on the door to the master bedroom too. I had Wifey served at her job, which she said really embarrassed her in front of her colleagues. And she flipped out on me again once she got home. Apparently she didn't take my threats of divorce seriously until those papers were actually in her hands. She said I couldn't do this. But I told her I was done. She made it more than clear where she stands. I told her I learned a rather interesting phrase online. When people show you who they really are, believe them. And she's clearly shown me who she really is. And it's not the woman I fell in love with. That woman disappeared and got replaced with an entitled mommy's girl who refuses to act her age right after we got married. Which makes it pretty obvious she did that intentionally. At this point, I don't think she ever loved me. Just my wallet. I can't stay married to a woman who conned me into marrying her. Then she started screaming at me that she wasn't a gold digger. So I asked her if she'd have been inclined to stay married to me if I'd done the all same things to her. She tried to deny it at first, then looked around like she was trying to find a better answer. Then she just gaslit to deflect as usual. But I had none of it. I told her right then and there that I'm not renewing the lease on the house with her because I don't want to live with a petulant woman-child I can't trust. And if she wants to keep the house, she can go ahead and start a new lease to move her mother in once I'm gone. Finally that's when the real waterworks started. She said I was destroying our family. And I said "What family!?" and pointed out how we don't have kids, and her mother is more important to her than me. We. Have. No. Family! Then I just walked away. She loudly cried in the living room for hours, but I ignored her. Now she's giving me the hardcore silent treatment, and won't look me in the eyes. I'm actually enjoying it. Which just seems to make her angrier. As an added bonus, I warned my current landlord about Wifey wanting to move her mother in. I gave him all the details I had about MIL, the state of her hoarder house, and how much of a deceptive mommy's girl Wifey is. And warned him that if he let my MIL live in any property he owns, she would turn it into an utter disaster. He thanked me for telling him, and is now not going to let Wifey renew the lease on her own if she tries. He'll be advertising the property soon. Wifely has no idea yet, and likely would have only just barely been able to afford the house with her mother's help anyway. One more thing. Yesterday someone warned me to take my name off the joint bank account entirely so I would not be on the hook for any overdraft. I took that to heart and went to the bank to get it done. Only took a few minutes to do it, and the bank is ten minutes away by car. All good now. I've been working from home lately, so I had the time. All statements from the account were already printed and given to my lawyer too. So I can wash my hands of it. Edit: I don't know if it's the same rules everywhere. But the bank had no problem removing my name from the account as a cosigner when I pushed for it. There were no debts on the account, and had plenty more than the minimum balance. The bank likely did tell Wifey. But whether or not she knows I did it, it does not matter as she's currently not talking to me. Edit 2: I've noticed a few comments pointing out how it was completely unnecessary I pointed out my lawyer is a woman. Looking back on it, I did write that like a complete jerk. I was just rather excited in the moment about it. No that's not an excuse, I acknowledge that. But how quickly this lawyer helped me just made me so happy. I'll make sure not to sound like such an idiot when speaking of her again from now on. The reason why I'm so broken and vindictive now Feb 11, 2024 Let me be clear on some details. I've been told many times that I'm condescending, twisting things, acting like a douche, etc. Well apart from how hotblooded I got from all this, I'll tell you about the crap I dealt with before coming to reddit. My wife used to act very different around me the three years we were together before getting married. She was kind, regularly scolded her mother if she did anything bad, didn't expect me to help her mother with anything either. She acted like she was perfect around me. Her mother was also a lot kinder and more apologetic toward me before I married her daughter. She was believe it or not, kinda a sweet lady. Apart from her being a hoarder, I used to be very sympathetic towards her. And I hoped she'd get better. But things only got worse after saying my vows. As soon as we were back from the honeymoon, my wife and MIL were very different. Things became very their way or the highway. And I was treated like the bad guy by her and her mother for even having a different opinion on something. They regularly ganged up on me when they wanted to make me wrong about things. Wifey became a total brat, and was acting like a rebellious teenager at home. Our bedroom life became pretty dead too. In part because I get migraines, but also because she was never in the mood. We hadn't been intimate in four months before I even posted in AITA here. I have a bit of a low drive, so it didn't bother me too much. But she rarely initiated unless she had something to be happy about. Wifey remained her other self outside in front of people. She just took her mask off at home once she'd trapped me in this marriage. I've already explained the smug bratty attitude she had towards me when she used our shared bank account to pay her mother's bail and reimburse the pawn shop, and then acted like that money would be out of my half of the account. Or about her smug attitude when admitting she'd been planning to have her mother come live with us without asking if I thought it was ok. I can't take it anymore. She's made unilateral decisions on so much these past few years. Even giving MIL a spare house key was all her. And that's what got my collection stolen. And before MIL stole my collection, I just shut up and took the abuse from them both like the good little boy they wanted me to be. Why? Because I thought I was in love. I was deep in a marriage fog. But then people here pulled me out. It feels like I'm married to a spoiled teenager that wants to tell me to talk to the hand if I even want to have a frank discussion about anything unless we're in public. I get that this behavior has been deeply ingrained into her by her mother. But she refused any sort of counseling. If she'd agreed to the counseling and believed the counselor would have agreed with her, I'd know she'd need help. But the way she acts tells me she knows exactly what she's doing, and doesn't care. I didn't even want the house we're living in. But Wifey made it her hill to die on. I wanted to save so we could actually by a house in a few years instead. But she wanted to keep up with the jonses. And distance from her mother wasn't a factor. Our old apartment was actually closer to MIL. Wifey just really wanted the house, and practically said it was happening whether I liked it or not. Sure the extra space was nice. But I had to buy most of the new furniture. I'm miserable here! That's why I got so hotblooded. And many here think I'm going scorched earth. I'm not. I could have actually done far worse. All I want is out of this house, and out of this marriage. I am regretful that I had my wife served at her job. That went too far. But that's one of the few things I regret in this situation. And please, don't blame that on my lawyer. That decision was all me. I wanted some payback, and I made a bad call. But I can't undo it now that it's already been done. Wifey is still giving me the silent treatment. And we've been acting completely indifferent towards each other. I'd be completely fine if it stays this way till I can move out. NEW UPDATES * Wifey broke her silence, tried to seduce me, and is scrambling to find an apartment now Feb 24, 2024 The fact that this was predicted so well by so many people here is kinda frightening. But it only seems to prove what a big stereotype Wifey is. After roughly a week of the silent treatment from her, Wifey couldn't keep it up anymore and started love-bombing. She even tried to make me dinner and get me drunk. I told her while she was cooking that I wouldn't touch anything she made. For one, she's a terrible cook. And secondly, I don't trust her not to put something in the food. She made overcooked hamburgers and I didn't touch them or the alcohol provided. I mean, the beer was already opened. She cried and said I was being mean by not eating her food. And I coldly said it was because I can't trust her anymore. She retorted that it wasn't like she'd cheated on me or anything. I said back that she may as well have cheated since her mother was always more important to her than me, the man she married. You can't keep a marriage by treating your spouse as secondary. Wifey changed the subject by breaking down crying again and begged that if I stopped the divorce, we could get the marriage counseling I'd wanted, and she'd never try to have her mother live with us. I told her it was far too late. She had her chance, and blew it badly. She already made it VERY clear where she'll always stand. In the past two years she made no effort to get better, and only acted nicer in public. Why would I want to stay in that sort of toxic relationship? She had to answer truthfully for once and admitted that she likely would have left me if I'd done the same stuff to her. But she still kept trying to convince me not to divorce, and that we could work it out. I had to just walk away and go into the office again. Wifey didn't stop, and even tried to initiate intimacy multiple times. She walked around the house in lingerie a lot, and even my favorite of wearing nothing but a lacy apron. She hasn't done that for me since our honeymoon, even when I asked. She tried touching me in places, running her fingers in my hair, and getting on her knees to try to entice me. I didn't take her bait and stonewalled. She ended up gaslighting me with the "Am I not good enough!?" line. I told her she used to be. But I just can't see her that way anymore. Wifey left me alone to hit the bottle hard after I said that, and she wound up puking in the kitchen. I wouldn't put it past her to try and babytrap or frame me at this point. I even lock the door when I sleep, and I've installed a hidden camera in the room. I want out of this house. But I can't leave yet until I can get into my new place. Wifey later doubled down while sobbing when nothing was working on me and begged again that I don't go through with the separation and divorce. But I've already found an apartment that'll be vacant some time in early to mid March. I've also notified all of the utilities of the change as well. Wifey's now freaking out even more because now she has to find an apartment for herself right away. I don't really care where she'll end up. I'm just happy I'll be free of this house soon. I've also made sure not to tell her where my upcoming apartment is located. And she's tried to get that info out of me three times already. As soon as my new apartment is ready, I'll start moving stuff in. I'll be taking the bed from the guest room when I go. I paid for it after all. And it'll be easier to move since it's a queen size, and what's in the master bedroom is a king. I'm a light sleeper. So having a comfortable bed is a must. My wife can have the bulk of the furniture. She can either leave it for the next tenant, or she can sell it. I don't care anymore. The apartment I'll be moving into is a one bedroom. The previous tenant left it in a sorry state. So it needs some remodeling. But I picked that specific one because not only will the rent will be far cheaper than the house, I'll be much closer to my job. Like, I could walk or bike to work from there. And I just might. I haven't ridden a bike in years because I never could get Wifey to. Yet another thing she's held me back from. So when I move out, one of the first things I'm gonna do is buy a bike. Edit: To clarify, Wifey is the only one who's been drinking. I've avoided it for a while now. To those who think they know me, Plus small update Feb 26, 2024 To those who've been supportive of my situation. I deeply thank you all. It's the advice that I've gotten from so many of you that helped me push through this. To those who kept telling me I'm an idiot or some derogatory statement for filing for divorce, that I'm making a huge mistake, or that my wife loves me and I should give her another chance. Kindly shut the hell up! None of you have lived with this woman, or her mother. They were both very different people before I married my wife. You only judged me on her love-bombing behavior from my last post. But she's a talented actress. She spent three years acting, then took her mask off after ensnaring me at the alter for a marriage that was for her convenience. So an act was all her love-bombing was. She doesn't love me. She loves the financial security of being married to me. She loved ordering me to do what she wanted with my money. She made renting this damn house a hill to die on. She practically ordered me to buy all the new furniture. And MIL was constantly testing the waters to see what she could get me to do. She practically ordered me to buy her a new phone as some sort of power move, and then flipped out when I refused. Then stole and sold my collection to get that new phone as a stupid attempt at revenge that backfired badly for her. And to those calling me stupid for filing for divorce, or getting my MIL arrested over old keys. YOU CAN REALLY SHUT THE HELL UP! This wasn't just about the keys. It was just the last straw. Those keys are NOT worthless. Granted they don't have value like vintage jewelry. But some of those keys are actually worth hundreds on their own. And having more of the same brand of key, like Sargents and Reading Hardware, their values stack. It's by no means a worthless collection. And even if it was, it wouldn't matter because it has value to me. And to all those upset over me using the word "Wifey" too much, I get it! But just saying "My wife" didn't feel right anymore, because this woman is only my wife on paper now. I also have never once called my wife "Wifey" in person. That's exclusively on Reddit. I'll possibly replace Wifey with STBEX or something later. But the separation doesn't start till I move out. And calling her Wifey isn't nearly as bad as the nicknames some other people have come up with for their ex's or MILs on this site. I was tempted to call MIL something like Grabby Gabby. And tempted to call my wife something like Mommy's Girl, or Mini-Mia. But I didn't. I just said Wifey. Which feels far less insulting than any of those other things, and easy to understand who I'm talking about. I agree I used it too much. But live through what I've lived through with her, and I think you might be inclined to say something similar. I was asked if I've had several past failed relationships. Sorry to disappoint, but no. My wife was my first. We met on a blind date set up by friends. My wife was my first date, first girlfriend, first to hold hands with, first kiss, first in bed with. She admitted to having had two prior boyfriends that she had been intimate with. And I had zero issue with that. I fell in love, and we moved in together after two years of dating and I proposed. Then we got married on year three. But right after the honeymoon, my wife's mask came off. She became demanding, controlling, always seemed to put her mother first, and acted like a bratty teenager at home. I tried to have a frank discussion with her many times about various things. But I basically got "Talk to the hand" as she always brushed me off. It became her way or the highway. So I'm taking the highway. And for those wondering about the case against my MIL, it's still open. And even if I wanted to drop charges, which I don't, MIL sold stolen property. So I'll probably be seeing her in court in a few months. MIL hasn't dared to come near the house since I had her arrested. I have put up more hidden cameras. First one in the bedroom I sleep in, and the other in the office I spend much of my time. And I repositioned the living room camera. I haven't cooked anything in the house since Wifey came back from the motel. I've been mostly surviving off canned and store food. The store food being things like salads and roast chicken. And I only use disposable plastic utensils. I also eat at my best friend's house a fair bit. Now onto something new. I noticed no one has asked what my friends think about all this. Well my best friend and his wife are pretty much 100% on my side. They were there to see how my wife and MIL treated me these past two years. I've also got several more friends, men and women, who know what's going on. And they have sided with me. This even includes formerly mutual friends who stopped hanging out with my wife some time ago after they saw what she was really like. However, all of them aren't getting involved. Some wanted to. But I didn't want to make my problem into their problem too. Only my best friend is somewhat involved, and other than advising me to go to Reddit, he's just been helping by storing my stuff till I can move. My wife does seem to have some friends on her side. However, she only says this to me. I've not seen or heard from any of them. Nor do I feel inclined to snoop. It'll only become my problem if flying monkeys get involved. My MIL has no friends. Even my wife confirms this. So she's basically her mother's best friend. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/SitSitSit-Throwaway. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole and r/EntitledPeople This is a new update to a previous BORU post made by u/InternetAddict104 a year ago. You can find that post here. I added some of OOP's original comments in this post. New update is marked with ***** Trigger Warning: anger issues; assault; attempted murder; Original Post: March 1, 2022 Ok hear me out. For as long as I can remember in my family, almost any time I got up from my seat someone would take it to either be funny, or to claim it as if no one was using it. And as a teenager it literally got to the point I bought my own folding chair so I could pick it up and carry it with me. If I left it where it was, someone would take it. Then get mad when I wanted it back. As an example, on a holiday last year I got up from my chair for a moment to help with something and came back to find a kid in it. And then the family berating me for wanting them to move. But I tell them that when a man owns and brings his own chair, they expect to be able to use it. I own a very nice folding chair that's comfortable and easily portable. And I pretty much bring it to any family events because people are always scrambling for chairs. Well the other day I went to a birthday party for my nephew. And like always I brought my own chair. But at some point I had to use the bathroom. When I came back my chair was gone. And everyone acted like they didn't know where it was. I said they had one minute to return it or I was leaving. They laughed at first, but then realized I was serious as I started going for the door. Everybody told me to just calm down, and it was just a joke. I said I don't care if they think I'm a stick in the mud. I wouldn't be bringing my own chair all the time if other people weren't always taking my seat when I get up. I don't think it's funny, I never did. My brother in law then pulled the chair out of where he'd hidden it, and when I got it back one of the legs was bent. I said it was not like this before, and how could he possibly have done this to a metal chair. He said he could fix it and tried to unbend it, but only made it worse. The chair is pretty much unusable now because the leg is warped and I don't want to risk putting weight on it. I told my brother in law he owes me $50 for the chair because that's what I paid for it new two years ago. He got mad and kept saying it was just a stupid chair. I said it was my stupid chair, and this wouldn't have happened if he wasn't so immature that he and everyone else had to mess with me for years about where I sit. Then I took my now messed up chair and walked out. My family has been blowing my phone up saying that it's just a chair and to let it go. But I still want my brother to pay me back for it. AITA? Update: Last night I sent a mass text out to my family that I will not be going to any family function no matter how important it is until they make this right by promising not to screw with me anymore, and repay me for the chair. They've mostly gone quiet now. But I can wait. I've got all the time in the world for them to realize I'm serious. Relevant Comments: Siblings? "Yeah I'm the youngest sibling in my mid 20s. And my eldest sibling is mid 30s. Yet I'm the only one who won't act like it's a frat house when partying. My siblings all have spouses and kids too." "To be fair, I am in demand. The kids all love me as the fun uncle. And I help keep them busy. And when I'm not there, everyone else has to watch their own kids. Right now they're probably thinking I'll just forget about the chair and move on. But I'm not coming back for any holiday or birthday party or barbecue until they pay me back for the chair." The chair is a symptom, not the root problem: "I won't deny the chair fixation. However what I'm really aiming for is making them take accountability. My not being there to help means they may eventually start blaming each other. And with it being my hill to die on, then perhaps they'll finally agree to stop messing with me." A bit more context: "It was malicious because even if they had their own better seat, one of my siblings would go out of their way to take mine. They did it just to screw with me because I was the youngest. And they didn't stop. That's why I brought my own chair. Also, the same thing would happen when I was sitting on the floor if you can believe it. If I was sitting on the floor in front of the TV, someone would take my spot if I got up. I also really never liked sitting on the floor. I find it very uncomfortable. So again another reason why I bring my own chair. Apart from one of the kids occasionally sitting on it when I walk away, this was the first time in over a year my family has screwed with me over my chair. And somehow, and I still really don't know how, my brother in law bent the leg while hiding it. And it was a sturdy chair too. I mean, he'd have had to have stomped on it or something." OOP is voted NTA Update Post: July 26, 2022 (almost 5 months later) Title: I walked out over a chair, and my family tore itself apart I wasn't gonna come back here again. To be honest I'd completely forgotten I made this account. I only got back in because I'd written down the password and left it in my desk. I was listening to Reddit videos on youtube a couple weeks ago when I suddenly heard my old AITA post. So I thought I'd give an update. Well things escalated a lot after I made that post because I linked it to my parents and other family members after a little while. They were furious with me at first. Some even mocked me saying things like "Oh watch what you say or do around OP. He might just post about it on Reddit". But when they actually read the comments on my post when I made them, they became mortified. My BIL did agree to pay for a new chair, and gave me the money I asked for. I bought a better folding chair than my last one, and resumed going to family functions. But whenever I was there, there was this air about some of the family members. They looked at me like I'd sucked all the fun out of the room. My parents had stopped thinking the chair thing was funny, and even scolded a kid for taking my seat when I got up to use the bathroom. The only problem is that this kid was my nephew. And he started crying when they made him get up. My BIL came to the boy's rescue, and my nephew ended up blurting out that his daddy told him he could do it. When I was out of the bathroom, there was a big fight about it going on. Several family members, including my sister and BIL were all yelling that it was just a damn chair. And I shouldn't be so butthurt about it. My parents demanded to know why they were so butthurt about not being allowed to screw with me anymore. Like, what was their motivation after doing it for so long? It made no sense and wasn't funny anymore. And that's when I intervened. I told them none of this crap would have ever happened if they hadn't been so intent on messing with me when there really was no point to it. And I only started bringing my own chair because I could never find a stable place to sit. And if they still thought they were in the right about the situation, then they were just bullies, plain and simple. And what kind of example is that to be setting for their son. My BIL raged, grabbed my new chair and hurled it through the living room bay window. There was a bit of a pause before he realized what he'd just done, then he took off in his car and left my sister and nephew there. My parents got my sister to call him, and over the phone they threatened to go to police if he didn't pay for the damages. BIL yelled a few f-bombs until my sister took the phone back. And she said that he can either make things right, or she'll divorce him. Well that did the trick because he came back looking like a kicked puppy with his head hanging low. He apologized to me and my parents without even looking at us, said he'd pay for the new bay window and left again. My sister said he drank himself to sleep that night. My new chair was just fine. It took being hurled through a bay window like a champ. There was hardly a scratch on it. My brother hired a window company to come and replace the window. And they had to measure and order a new one before it could be installed. And until then the window had to be covered with plywood. It took some time, but they got the new bay window. And it's better than the old one. Though I imagine that it was extra expensive because it's a bay window. The family was still divided about the situation for a while. Mainly BIL's parents, my uncle, and a couple cousins. They blamed me and called me obnoxious over insisting on bringing my own chair and refusing to let anyone else use it. So I compromised. I said that if I had a good designated seat that no one will try to take away, I'll leave my chair in my car. It took two more family barbecues before they finally agreed to this. Since then I've left the chair in my car unless there really wasn't enough seating. And that's only happened once since. The problem is though, that even though they stopped screwing with me. They were still screwing with each other until things went too far. They still liked to take each other's seats. But I guess others were following my example, because they put their feet down and demanded it stop. It's been going on for decades, and they've had enough. BIL stayed out of the fight entirely and hasn't caused any more trouble. But for several family functions a number of people didn't bother to show up. My mother was broken up about it because she loves hosting parties. It took months, but everything more or less normalized again. But without the chair thing going on, some have resorted to other stupid pranks. Like a little device you hook to a chair that makes farts. They didn't do this to my seat, but did it to a cousin. And said cousin got really petty at the next party and let out real farts. He said he ate a whole pack of fiber bars and had eggs for breakfast. And it was damn nasty! Other pranks included: Hiding eating utensils, a stink bomb, hiding some sort of monster thing in the toilet, cellophane in a doorway, ripping paper when somebody bends over, messing with drinks, hiding shoes, copying outfits, a container of foam packing peanuts above a doorway, and finally the one that really infuriated my aunt and uncle when a party was held at their house. A glitter bomb. They got the carpet professionally cleaned and billed the person who made the glitter bomb for it. So now pranks are just over. They don't want any more. I'm fine with that. But the last few family functions have been a bit dull. I think they were so used to how things were that now they're trying to find other ways to amuse themselves that don't involve cellphones. Edit: The chair is a National Public Seating steel folding chair. I bought it online for around $80. It's got a thick foam vinyl covered pad on the seat. And it's pretty comfortable. Relevant Comments: Your BIL sounds like he could become an abuser: "My BIL has anger issues. But my sister has him wrapped around her finger. I'm not exaggerating when I say my sister is out of his league. So he's basically a simp for her. And pretty much does whatever she says. And she's making him go through marriage counseling after they finally managed to get in a little over a month ago" "They are. And my sister insisted on marriage counseling. She also forced BIL to cut back on drinking" *****NEW UPDATE Post: July 31, 2023 (1 year from last post)****\* Title: My chair was stolen, a brat broke my phone, and a chair prank caused a VERY MESSY divorce in the family Somehow I return again. And with some crazy info on some stuff that went down this past year. I never could have imagined how things could have spiraled into what happened. If you guys thought my brother in law throwing my chair through a bay window after his son wasn't allowed to sit on it was crazy, just read about all of this. You're not gonna want to believe it. Firstly, my good padded folding chair I'd paid over $80 for was stolen. I have no idea by who as it didn't happen at a family event, but rather hanging out at a friend's house. Somebody just walked into his yard and took it. I learned my lesson and decided never to buy an expensive folding chair again. Now I just keep a cheap folding chair I got for $3 at a second hand store in my trunk. Moving on to other stuff, the family pranks I described in my last post seemingly stopped, but some of them slowly resumed. However they were only harmless little things that just give chuckles. The only person that they refused to prank at all was me, due to the events of my previous posts. But that didn't stop entitlement. The seven year old son of one of my cousins stole my phone during a family birthday party at my parents' house, and intentionally broke it rather than return it. His parents were already going through a rough patch. My cousin the father was constantly clashing with his wife over how to parent their child. His now ex-wife was a bad enabler of their son. She's also terrible with money, and has a very her way or the highway attitude, and she does not like to back down when wrong. She was one of the more outspoken people that hated me bringing my own chair and never sharing it. But she never got physical about it. She once confronted me and said that if I was going to bring my own chair, it should be something nice and made of wood that doesn't fold. I told her I was not going to lug around a dining room chair wherever I go when a folding chair takes up only a little space in my trunk. She argued with me about it more, and got nowhere. None of the family events were at her house, and she does not dictate my life. She gave me death glares for months, but otherwise left me alone. The night her son stole my phone, he'd already been grounded from electronics by his father. The kid took my phone when I set it down on a table to eat some cake, and then ran off with it when I wasn't looking. He holed himself up in the master bedroom closet, and was trying to install new gaming apps on my phone. That closet had a lock on the door, and the key was lost years ago. The brat refused to come out or return the phone. His mother kept telling us all (Mainly me) to just leave him alone and let him game on it. But I refused and said my phone was not his toy. The brat was told several times to open the door, and he refused. All the while his mother kept contradicting everything said. My cousin got fed up and started forcing the old door open. It's an old manufactured home, and that door was pretty flimsy. Just as he was making headway, we heard loud banging sounds from inside the closet. The brat had started banging my phone against the nearest hard object he could find. The brat let out some loud screams as his dad pulled him out of the closet. The screen on my phone was nearly destroyed. Thankfully the rest of it was protected by the case. My cousin's wife tried to blame it on me, and said it was my fault her baby broke the phone because I wouldn't let him game on it. EVERYONE in the room turned on her, and she shut up out of cowardice. It costed around $300 to repair my phone, and I had to use a temporary one till mine was fixed. And yes, my cousin paid for the repairs. Well, the rest of the family knew about my cousin's wife's disdain for folding chairs like the one I keep in my car. And they decided to pull a prank on her because of her attitude after the incident with her son stealing my phone. I would like to be clear that I was not involved in this in any way, nor did I really condone doing it. But the entire thing was out of my hands. My cousins got together decided to prank that B of a wife, and got their hands on a whole bunch of folding chairs. Then they removed every chair and seat in his house and replaced them with the folding chairs. Folding chairs at the dining table, folding chairs at the counter, folding chairs in place of the living room furniture, and more were strategically placed around the house. Even the chairs on the porch were replaced with them. When my cousin's wife came home, her reaction went far beyond what anyone thought. Their plan was to just record her having a tantrum and get a laugh. But she ended up going insane on the spot and tried to get a knife from the kitchen to attack her husband with. When she couldn't get the knife, she pulled out pepper spray from her purse and used it on everybody. Then she attacked her husband with her long fake nails. She probably would have tried to claw his eyes out or something. But thankfully one of the other guys there kicked her off him. I couldn't freaking believe this shit happened all because folding chairs! And I feel like the root cause since I'm the one who was always bringing my own chair to family events since there was never enough seating and people kept taking the places I was sitting. And it escalated far beyond me. Police were obviously called, the wife got arrested, all the guys there had to go to the hospital because of the pepper spray in their eyes, and my cousin had to get all the scratches to his face treated. He looked like a bobcat attacked him. He filed for an immediate order of protection against his wife. They'd recorded everything, like her trying to get the knife and screaming she'd stab somebody. She had to go stay with her sister after spending some time in jail, and her sister I hear is as narcissistic as she is. My cousin obviously filed for divorce, and his wife later spent some more time in jail after pleading guilty for the assault. She wasn't allowed near her son for a while, and tried to take it out on my cousin in court during the divorce. That did not go in her favor because he was easily able to prove how unhinged she is. My cousin got primary custody of his son, and his ex got only supervised visitation since she was so mentally unstable. She's pretty much abandoned her son, and has shacked up with some fat older man, got a serious tan and bleached her hair. I guess she'd rather live the life of a sugar baby caked in makeup. My cousin's son has shown great improvement since being separated from his mother. He was put through counseling, and listens to his father more now. The kid has to be babysat a lot since my cousin has to work. But at the very least things got better. I still feel like the root cause of this because of the chair thing though. Edit: Just a bit of added info I didn't think to include before. But my cousin's ex-wife had a love for fancy expensive things she couldn't really afford. She filled my cousin's house with imitation Victorian style furniture that she was extremely anal about. Which I suppose was one of the reasons she lost her mind so hard when it was all replaced with folding chairs. My cousin threw all that furniture out when he divorced her. He said it was all uncomfortable and looked better than it felt. Second edit: My dumb self didn't bother to set a password on that phone when I got it. So the kid was able to use it just fine when he took it. I set a password after getting the phone fixed. And the kid was grounded from electronic devices by his father for a month. Relevant Comments: Has your BIL gotten better with his anger? "Yes he has. My sister made him get therapy for six months. I wasn't given any details on it though since it's confidential. But he had some bad issues. We don't interact much though." You sound like the only freaking adult in the whole family: "My parents don't really do any pranking, but are occasionally on the receiving end of one from time to time. Most of the people in the family who do pranking seem to be between the ages of ten and forty." More on the knife: "She tried to get a knife. They wouldn't let her at them and kept trying to tell her to calm down. That's when they got the pepper spray. While I can't confirm it, I've heard that woman has threatened people with knives before." And finally: "Wtf is wrong with this family?" "I used to ask myself that many times. After a while I just got tired of doing it" submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Somehow I return again. And with some crazy info on some stuff that went down this past year. I never could have imagined how things could have spiraled into what happened. If you guys thought my brother in law throwing my chair through a bay window after his son wasn't allowed to sit on it was crazy, just read about all of this. You're not gonna want to believe it. Firstly, my good padded folding chair I'd paid over $80 for was stolen. I have no idea by who as it didn't happen at a family event, but rather hanging out at a friend's house. Somebody just walked into his yard and took it. I learned my lesson and decided never to buy an expensive folding chair again. Now I just keep a cheap folding chair I got for $3 at a second hand store in my trunk. Moving on to other stuff, the family pranks I described in my last post seemingly stopped, but some of them slowly resumed. However they were only harmless little things that just give chuckles. The only person that they refused to prank at all was me, due to the events of my previous posts. But that didn't stop entitlement. The seven year old son of one of my cousins stole my phone during a family birthday party at my parents' house, and intentionally broke it rather than return it. His parents were already going through a rough patch. My cousin the father was constantly clashing with his wife over how to parent their child. His now ex-wife was a bad enabler of their son. She's also terrible with money, and has a very her way or the highway attitude, and she does not like to back down when wrong. She was one of the more outspoken people that hated me bringing my own chair and never sharing it. But she never got physical about it. She once confronted me and said that if I was going to bring my own chair, it should be something nice and made of wood that doesn't fold. I told her I was not going to lug around a dining room chair wherever I go when a folding chair takes up only a little space in my trunk. She argued with me about it more, and got nowhere. None of the family events were at her house, and she does not dictate my life. She gave me death glares for months, but otherwise left me alone. The night her son stole my phone, he'd already been grounded from electronics by his father. The kid took my phone when I set it down on a table to eat some cake, and then ran off with it when I wasn't looking. He holed himself up in the master bedroom closet, and was trying to install new gaming apps on my phone. That closet had a lock on the door, and the key was lost years ago. The brat refused to come out or return the phone. His mother kept telling us all (Mainly me) to just leave him alone and let him game on it. But I refused and said my phone was not his toy. The brat was told several times to open the door, and he refused. All the while his mother kept contradicting everything said. My cousin got fed up and started forcing the old door open. It's an old manufactured home, and that door was pretty flimsy. Just as he was making headway, we heard loud banging sounds from inside the closet. The brat had started banging my phone against the nearest hard object he could find. The brat let out some loud screams as his dad pulled him out of the closet. The screen on my phone was nearly destroyed. Thankfully the rest of it was protected by the case. My cousin's wife tried to blame it on me, and said it was my fault her baby broke the phone because I wouldn't let him game on it. EVERYONE in the room turned on her, and she shut up out of cowardice. It costed around $300 to repair my phone, and I had to use a temporary one till mine was fixed. And yes, my cousin paid for the repairs. Well, the rest of the family knew about my cousin's wife's disdain for folding chairs like the one I keep in my car. And they decided to pull a prank on her because of her attitude after the incident with her son stealing my phone. I would like to be clear that I was not involved in this in any way, nor did I really condone doing it. But the entire thing was out of my hands. My cousins got together decided to prank that B of a wife, and got their hands on a whole bunch of folding chairs. Then they removed every chair and seat in his house and replaced them with the folding chairs. Folding chairs at the dining table, folding chairs at the counter, folding chairs in place of the living room furniture, and more were strategically placed around the house. Even the chairs on the porch were replaced with them. When my cousin's wife came home, her reaction went far beyond what anyone thought. Their plan was to just record her having a tantrum and get a laugh. But she ended up going insane on the spot and tried to get a knife from the kitchen to attack her husband with. When she couldn't get the knife, she pulled out pepper spray from her purse and used it on everybody. Then she attacked her husband with her long fake nails. She probably would have tried to claw his eyes out or something. But thankfully one of the other guys there kicked her off him. I couldn't freaking believe this shit happened all because folding chairs! And I feel like the root cause since I'm the one who was always bringing my own chair to family events since there was never enough seating and people kept taking the places I was sitting. And it escalated far beyond me. Police were obviously called, the wife got arrested, all the guys there had to go to the hospital because of the pepper spray in their eyes, and my cousin had to get all the scratches to his face treated. He looked like a bobcat attacked him. He filed for an immediate order of protection against his wife. They'd recorded everything, like her trying to get the knife and screaming she'd stab somebody. She had to go stay with her sister after spending some time in jail, and her sister I hear is as narcissistic as she is. My cousin obviously filed for divorce, and his wife later spent some more time in jail after pleading guilty for the assault. She wasn't allowed near her son for a while, and tried to take it out on my cousin in court during the divorce. That did not go in her favor because he was easily able to prove how unhinged she is. My cousin got primary custody of his son, and his ex got only supervised visitation since she was so mentally unstable. She's pretty much abandoned her son, and has shacked up with some fat older man, got a serious tan and bleached her hair. I guess she'd rather live the life of a sugar baby caked in makeup. My cousin's son has shown great improvement since being separated from his mother. He was put through counseling, and listens to his father more now. The kid has to be babysat a lot since my cousin has to work. But at the very least things got better. I still feel like the root cause of this because of the chair thing though. Edit: Just a bit of added info I didn't think to include before. But my cousin's ex-wife had a love for fancy expensive things she couldn't really afford. She filled my cousin's house with imitation Victorian style furniture that she was extremely anal about. Which I suppose was one of the reasons she lost her mind so hard when it was all replaced with folding chairs. My cousin threw all that furniture out when he divorced her. He said it was all uncomfortable and looked better than it felt. Second edit: My dumb self didn't bother to set a password on that phone when I got it. So the kid was able to use it just fine when he took it. I set a password after getting the phone fixed. And the kid was grounded from electronic devices by his father for a month. submitted by /u/SitSitSit-Throwaway to r/EntitledPeople [link] [comments]

Early shifting was scary af. Couldn't understand their accent at all! Have to ask them multiple times to understand a single bit of their hindi. Things are damn cheap, living in 3bhk 30 meters from work at 15000. Weather is terrible, just unbearable, hot & humid, I'm sweating in liters. Coming to other cultural aspects, everyone I met for my cab or work at store has a blore connection. I swear ! My furniture showroom owner did bachelor's in Engineering, my ac vendor has son working in blore, my usual cab driver worked in blore, mechanic on the road lived in shivajinagar etc. Finding a home is like game of chess, everyone says they are quite progressive wrt to their thought process. But when it comes to renting home, caste plays dominant role, religion is tertiary here. This place is still in 1920s wrt to caste discrimination and people are just ignorant and flagrant wrt to caste system. It's annoying and sinister. Loads of power cuts. Women who don western wear are STARED, like there is no tomorrow. I literally look in their eyes when I walk with my girl. Just hate that part. Bihar I've seen a trend if you are outspoken women or confident about yourself, managers tend to put them down. The insecurities around women at work still exist. Worst thing, like Delhi "Janta hain Mera baap kaun hain" bihar hain 'Cacha humare vidhayak hain" culture. Everyone here loves govt job :) People are nice, infra is quite better compared to Blore (barring the honking people here do), cleaner roads without potholes. The life is just slow takes me to early childhood in towns in Karnataka. Guaranteed cultural shock for local Kannadigas. Edit1: my objective is not to judge a city but provide a raw account of my perspective. Cacha vidhayak hain scenario is with nearly 80% patients in hospital, some local adhikari comes and tries to waterboard doctors out there. I hope this clarifies, which was attested by Bihar sub, with a local whose mother works in a hospital submitted by /u/satirical_lover to r/bangalore [link] [comments]

My grandma died when I was little. I don't remember much about her apart from the vaguest memories: She always wore flowery dresses, and she always fed me treats when my mother wasn't looking. My grandpa never remarried. My mother always said it was because he loved his wife so much that nobody would be able to take her place. When I got older, I found this both heartbreaking and romantic. Grandma had had her own room - grandpa said it was because he snored so much they had to sleep separately. When she died, he locked her room up, and it was the only place in the house we were not permitted to go. Sometimes we would try to peep through the keyhole, but someone would always scream about seeing a ghost and we would all run away. I don't think grandpa was lonely: We were a big part of his life. He lived close by, so we all piled into his house regularly, filling his house with noise and life. I would play in his garden with my cousins whilst the adults talked and cooked. In the summer, the garden bloomed with the flowers my grandma had loved, hydrangeas being her favourite. In the winter, it was hung with balls of fat and birdseed, and the bird feeder was always fully stocked. My grandma had loved birds, grandpa said, and always worried that they wouldn't have enough to eat when the weather got colder. I was, unofficially, my grandpa's favourite. He would bounce me on his knee and sing a song about my name that I didn't understand but thought was hilarious. Lily the Pink. I took to wearing pink whenever I visited. He took over my grandma's job of handing out treats to all of us, cautioning us not to tell our parents, although I'm sure our parents knew full well what was going on from the tell-tale smears of chocolate around our mouths. He was a gentle, mild man who hardly ever raised his voice. The only time I can ever remember him being slightly angry is when my brother Craig and I were fighting. Craig had kicked me in the leg hard enough to leave the print of his shoe sole on me, and grandpa had almost shouted then. Unused to grandpa scolding us, Craig had started to cry, and grandpa had taken him aside and given him a long, serious talk about the importance of family. "You never hurt family," he had told him. "Your family is important." Craig always treated me pretty well after that. When grandpa grew frail, he needed more help. As his favourite, it naturally fell to me to take on part of his care. I shared my duties with a home carer, although they weren't really duties as I loved him so much. I would have done anything for grandpa. His mind remained mostly sharp, with occasional lapses that he referred to as "senior moments". Sometimes he would call me by my mother's name, but he would always correct himself. When he became seriously ill, I quit my job to be his full time carer. Being put in a nursing home was grandpa's biggest fear, and he made me promise over and over again that I wouldn't allow that to happen. "I can't leave her," he said. "She's still here. We said till death do us part and I'm not dead yet." Even as an adult I was not allowed into her room. He told me he had kept it exactly the same as the day she had died, a shrine to her memory. He got weak. He couldn't eat unless I spoon fed him. The nurse who visited every day fitted him with a catheter and told me he should really be in a hospice, but I ignored her. If he wanted to die at home, I would honour my promise to let him do so. He liked to talk to me. He reminisced about the day he had met my grandma; the day each grandchild was born. He loved having so many grandchildren, he told me. He loved to see us thrive, and mourned the fact that he wouldn't live to see his great grandchildren. My eldest cousin was pregnant, but it was doubtful he would be alive by the time she gave birth. He never got sad: He had lived a very full life, and a happy one. But he did get anxious, although he said he wasn't afraid to die. He said it was what might come after that worried him. He spent his last days barely aware of what was going on around him. Family visited, staying as long as they could, and sometimes his small, modest room was packed with people, spilling from the doorway. The kettle was never cold, the house never empty. Except for the night he finally died. I was with him, along with my mother and aunt. They had fallen asleep in their chairs, their genteel snores the only sound in the room besides the ticking of grandpa's old clock and the slow, laboured breaths of my Grandpa. He regained consciousness briefly before he died, and though I might have woken my mother and aunt so they could share, some selfish instinct stopped me from doing so. I knew, you see, and I wanted this moment to be my own. His eyes were bleary but they managed to focus on me. His cheeks twitched as he tried to muster a smile. "Lily the Pink," he whispered. I whispered back. "Yes, it's me." "I'm sorry," he said. I took the gnarled hand that lay on the covers. His fingers were cold. "You don't have to apologise, Grandpa," I told him. I wanted to cry, but he had always hated to see me cry. "Yes I do…" He sank back on his pillow, the exchange clearly exhausting him. "I'm sorry for what comes after," he said. "You never hurt family. Family is important." He died then, and that was when I allowed myself to cry. I would miss him, but I couldn't be sad for him: He was going to see Grandma after all these years. I imagined him strong again, walking into a white light and emerging on the other side to a garden where flowers always bloomed and the birds were always singing, my grandma waiting at the end of the path. As with his care, it fell mostly to me to clear out his house. I had help on the evenings and weekends, but most of the time it was just me. His room was the hardest for me to do, and I cried often as I worked. It would have been poetic if the clock in his room had stopped ticking when he died, but it continued to tick in defiance of my wishes, a constant background to my chore. I boxed everything up, sealing and labelling my grandpa's life. Everything he had experienced was being compartmentalised into what was of value and what was not. The richness and experience of his life had been reduced to odds and ends to be sorted to put away. I sorted things for charity; heirlooms to be shared out amongst the rest of the family; memories to be stored away in an attic. Everything I picked up had some kind of significance, whether it was the everyday detritus of his life or the mementoes of his history. A pen he would never write with again, a book he hadn't finished reading - these things were just as poignant as his medals and his photographs. There were old love letters from my grandma, souvenirs from holidays. Pictures we had painted for him, birthday cards we had sent. And finally, in the depths of an old, dented tobacco tin, buried beneath old cinema ticket stubs and faded postcards, the key to my grandma's room. It felt almost sacrilegious to go in there after all these years, yet the morbid fascination with Grandma's room had stayed with me since I was a child and I couldn't have kept out even if I hadn't had a job to do. From the way Grandpa had spoken about her presence in the house, I almost expected to open the door and find her there, either as a dessicated corpse stretched out on the bed or as a taxidermied mummy propped up in a chair. She wasn't, of course: The room was empty of life - and death - and had been for decades. It smelled stale in there, as was to be expected, and slightly sweet with an old scent that might have been violets and might have been roses. It was a very feminine room. The wallpaper bore the same floral motif she had favoured on her dresses. Grandpa had kept the curtains closed, so it hadn't faded, apart from a narrow stripe from a persistent sunbeam that angled towards the narrow bed. My first thought as I walked in was that it felt like a stage set. As if every item in the room was a prop. Had she died in here? I couldn't remember what I had been told. I found myself looking for signs of her passing, a life interrupted on the spot. As with my grandpa's room, I didn't know where to start. But this time it was because everything was so familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time. There were memories to be found here, as buried as the key to her room had been. The first thing I did was to pull open the curtains. With some natural light in there, everything felt a little more real, and I was able to look around without the feeling of dissociation I'd felt upon entering. I couldn't tackle her room that day. It was too soon. I wanted the chance to remember more, to explore, and to reconnect with the woman who had sat me on her knee. How could I discover this unknown life and collapse it all in the same day? Even though she had died long ago, it still felt like prying to go through her personal items. I sifted through her belongings with less sentimentality but more curiosity than I had with my grandpa's room. A beloved life was stored within these walls, but one I had barely any memory of, so whilst everything I picked up had a story behind it, I did not know what it was. There was a pegboard on one wall with baby bootees hung on it. I counted them, and they matched the number of grandchildren in the family. Grandma had, apparently, kept a pair from each of us. We were represented too in framed photos, both on the wall and on her dressing table, alongside perfume bottles from which the contents had long since evaporated, and old cosmetics with faded labels. There was also a jewellery box on her dressing table that drew my attention. Mother of pearl was inlaid on the lid, and it was cracked open, with a string of amber beads spilling out. That jewellery box summoned a stubborn memory: Of sitting on the knee of a woman who wore flowers and smelled like flowers, and sifting through the contents. The jewellery inside was all cheap stuff, but it was colourful and sparkling, something that would have fascinated younger me. I was allowed to choose anything, she said. Any piece I wanted. There was a butterfly brooch that I suddenly recalled pinned to her dress, right in the centre of a printed flower as though it had landed there to drink nectar. I had a whole box of cut price finery to choose from, but for some reason that brooch stood out. "You want this? Are you sure?" I saw a hand unpinning the brooch and carefully tucking the point away before it was handed to me. It was made from enamel with coloured glass inexpertly mounted on the wings, a bit of pretty rubbish really, but it was the only thing I wanted. Whatever had happened to that brooch? I drifted through her room slowly, examining everything until the sky began to darken. The room had felt tranquil whilst the sunlight had flooded it, but as the shadows began to grow I started to feel unsettled. As a child I had been afraid of the dark. Maybe those feelings were resurfacing because I had been a child the last time I was in here. Whatever the reason, I left the room and locked the door back up again. I didn't sleep well that night. I woke often, plagued by nightmares, and was unable to settle again until I gave in to my old fears and turned on a lamp. In one dream, I was unlocking the door to grandma's room and there was a scuffing sound from within. I opened the door just in time to see something crawl under the bed. It was dragging a pair of malformed, not-quite-human feet behind it. In another, I was trying to open the wardrobe door but I couldn't. It didn't feel as though the door was locked, but more like someone was holding it closed from the inside. When I did finally open it my first action was to plunge my hand in between the hanging dresses. I felt something cold and papery and lumpy that might have been a face. It split open in the seconds before I woke, and I felt teeth against my fingertips. The final dream had grandpa in it. He looked as he did the moment before he died, but he was standing in front of grandma's door, barring the way. He was unresponsive, his face blank and inanimate, eyes lifeless. I could not bring myself to move him. My nightmares lingered the next day, and it was hard for me to unlock the door to grandma's room. There was a feeling of foreboding quite aside from the normal trepidation I'd felt the first time. I heard no noises, saw no horrible creature scrabble beneath her bed, and, as I'd left the curtains open the day before, sunlight dispelled any shadows. It was a pleasant room, and I relaxed once I was inside. Dreams were my mind's way of sorting through information, and I couldn't let them affect me. I started my work slowly, emptying grandma's wardrobe one dress at a time. I folded each one with reverence. Even though I remembered little of her, she deserved as much respect as grandpa had. There were fur coats wrapped in plastic, and I didn't know what to do with them. I went through the pockets of each before putting them in a separate box. I found a handkerchief in one, a spent lipstick tube and an old penny in another. She had many handbags too, and I found more outdated currency in there. In a small, sequined evening bag I found a tiny key, and set it aside in case I found what it belonged to. Around lunch time, some family members came by to help. For whatever reason, I found myself locking up Grandma's room and pocketing the key, unwilling to let them into our secret. And it did feel like a secret. We hefted boxes and loaded cars together, but all the while I was wishing they would leave so I could carry on my exploration. I slept in the narrow bed in the little room I'd adopted since grandpa had become ill. I hadn't slept easy since I'd ventured into Grandma's room, though I had always slept well before. I had black nightmares, full of terror and confusion that would wake me up in a sweating mess. I started to sleepwalk, something I hadn't done since I was a child. I often woke up trying to turn the handle to my grandma's room, and would run back to my own bed in childish terror. When I woke up, I would wash and dress and eat breakfast, then go back into her room as if those dreams had never happened. I cleared her room slowly and painstakingly. I was looking for the tawdry butterfly brooch that grandma had once given me, on the off-chance it had found its way back to her room. It had a familiar yet uncomfortable association that wouldn't leave me alone. I'd dreamed about that brooch. It had been a bad dream, but much more innocent than the others: I'd dreamed about wearing the brooch on my t-shirt, and someone unpinning it. Grandpa had been the one to unpin it. He had seen me wearing it and his face had clouded for a second, something dark behind his eyes. "Did your grandma give you that?" I felt scared. I thought he was accusing me of stealing it, and I started to cry. He picked me up. Kissed my forehead and patted my back. But he took the brooch off me nevertheless. I felt terrible in the dream. As though I'd disappointed him, and I never wanted to disappoint Grandpa. He laughed and squeezed me tight. Called me a silly sausage. Told me I hadn't done anything wrong. But it didn't help. I had evidently done something wrong. It was right there on his face. There were raised voices. I was alone. I stood outside a closed door, listening, the doorknob far above my head. What had I done and why was Grandpa angry? I left grandma's jewellery box till last. Everything else had been labelled and packed, but I hadn't been able to put that away yet. I'd been half hoping the butterfly brooch would suddenly appear in there if I looked often enough. I don't know why I wanted it so much. Maybe just to validate my memory. I packed the jewellery box with the rest of the heirlooms. I was exhausted. I wanted nothing more to do with my grandma's room. It was stripped bare, aside from the large items of furniture, and the British Heart Foundation were coming tomorrow to take those away. I was done. "We don't take mattresses." I was haggard from lack of sleep, and as far as I was concerned the man could have been speaking a foreign language. He must have seen my confusion, because he elaborated. "We'll take the bed frame, but you'll have to dispose of the mattress yourself. Not hygienic. People won't buy a used mattress." I shrugged. "Okay. Take the rest then. I'll deal with what's left." He nodded. I turned aside and went to my little room with its narrow bed. I had no wish to see these strangers tramping through my grandpa's home, stripping it of everything I had ever known, peeling it back to an ordinary house. I heard the men bantering as they moved the furniture, laughing amongst themselves, talking about what they'd watched on TV the night before. They didn't mean any harm, but their levity was grating. It was only when it came to moving grandma's old bed frame that the chatter stopped. A man came to my room and knocked on my door. "Excuse me? There's something you missed when you were clearing out. Some kind of box. I thought you might want it." I opened the door. The man held a large wooden box, inset with a tiny brass keyhole. It looked expensive, almost definitely an antique, and I admired his honesty. "It was under the bed in the flowery room," he said. "Couldn't see it unless you crawled under there to be honest. Looks important though." I thanked him in earnest, thinking about his words as I closed the door on the clamour that had restarted. It had been under my grandma's bed, and I couldn't have seen it unless I'd crawled under. Hmm. Of course my mind returned to my dreams, and the thing which had scuttled under my grandma's bed. But it also returned to a tiny key I recalled finding. In a pocket? A handbag? What had I done with that? The men had been forbidden to take any box marked with an X, and after they had gone I ventured out and began to search. It was in one of the boxes, I was sure. I dug through each one as efficiently as I could, taking care not to disrupt the order I had created. There were countless odd receptacles in each box, any one of them possibly containing the key to the polished wooden box in my room, but twilight reached me before I found my prize, and I ate a solemn, solo dinner before retiring for the night. I read a book, on a mattress on the floor of "my" room, by the light of a bare bulb, before finally falling asleep. The dream I had that night was just as disturbing as all the others, if not more. In it, I was searching the house for the key still, rummaging through boxes upon boxes, but in each one all I found was knitted baby booties, filled to the brim. Every box I emptied made my anxiety grow, but I persevered, piling the booties in a corner of my grandma's room until they nearly reached the ceiling. Just before I woke up, I found myself spiralling through the bare rooms, frantic at all the empty boxes, but there was one in my grandpa's room I hadn't opened. This was probably due to the figure crouched beside it, a hunched over thing that might have been an item of furniture but which I somehow knew it was not. And although I very much wanted to look in that final box, I didn't want to go near its apparent guardian. When I woke up, grandpa's room was the first place I went. It was full of boxes waiting to be distributed amongst the family, but there was one in the corner I recognised from my dream. There was no hunched figure crouched beside it, but I still felt uneasy when I approached. This box was labelled "?", which was what I'd put on anything that wasn't immediately identifiable, and I started to sift through the contents. It was the work of a few minutes to find the tiny key, which I had sealed into an envelope marked "Keys". I had labelled so many things whilst clearing the house it was no wonder I didn't quite recall labelling this one. I took the key back to my room and unlocked the box. There was no ceremony to it. I might have been about to uncover a deeply hidden family secret, but there was no thunder and lightning to accompany my discovery. The box was full of newspaper, yellowed and fragile with age. It wasn't preserved for any historical reason, as it was all crumpled up, not folded. It looked more like it was there to serve as packing material. I dug down into the box, pulling out the newspaper. I was expecting documents, or photos, or an old diary entry or two, but it won't surprise you much that I discovered an old brooch nestled in the bottom. I found I wasn't surprised either. Part of me had expected it. What I hadn't expected, however, was that the brooch did not depict a butterfly, as I remembered. It was vaguely butterfly shaped, with wings, and the colour scheme was familiar enough that I recognised it, but whatever creature it had been created to resemble was not anything I had seen in nature. It was just as garish and crude as I remembered, but the clumsiness of its design seemed deliberate rather than due to lack of skill: despite being a physical object, the lines blurred together in an odd optical illusion so that no matter how much I stared at it, it never quite came into focus, and seemed to change whenever I turned it. I put the brooch in my pocket. Family members would be arriving soon to move boxes, and I didn't want them to see the brooch. Also, looking at it gave me a curiously queasy feeling, as though I were about to get a migraine. We worked all day. At the end of it, the house was empty but for my belongings and my mattress, and my mother asked if I would be going home. She had assumed I would, but I did not want to. I felt like there was unfinished business here. One more night. I was so tired I fell asleep without difficulty. I had looked at the brooch again before turning out the light, but couldn't make any more sense of it. I left it on the narrow ledge of the windowsill next to me and drifted back into the familiar realm of my troubled dreams. "You want this? Are you sure?" I was little again, sat on grandma's lap. The jewellery box was open on my own lap, forgotten. The brooch on her dress was far more fascinating. I had remembered this part, but there was more that I hadn't, and it rolled out obligingly for me now. "Choose something else, darling," said Grandma. "This is for grownups." "I want that!" My tears had been easy. I wasn't used to Grandma telling me "No". "Please, Lily. Anything else. Anything you want." There had been more cajoling, but I had been an expert manipulator as a child, and I could sense Grandma's resolve weakening. I sulked and pouted and begged and cried until she caved in, but even then there was hesitation as she unpinned the brooch. " You could have chosen anything," she said. "But here. It's yours." I clutched it in my fist, gazing with fascination at the funny face the thing had. "Butterfly!" "Uh. Yes. Butterfly. Pretty butterfly. Come on now, Lily. Would you like a cake? Grandma has baked some…" My mother, looking horrified when I showed her. "Oh my God, mum! Why has she got that monstrosity? Lily, give it back - it's ugly!" But I would not give it back. It was mine. I had won it through determination. My grandmother hung her head. "She wanted it," she said. Grandpa spotted it next. He looked angry. I thought he was angry at me for nagging Grandma, but he was kind to me. Unpinned the brooch, took it away. I followed him discreetly and listened at Grandma's bedroom door as they argued within, the doorknob far above my head. Their voices were muffled but I could make out the odd word. "You don't hurt family!" Grandpa was saying. "Hilda, I love you! But not Lily. She's a child. We said no children. And not family!" More indistinct words. It sounded like my grandmother was crying. "... I'm so tired… asked for it…. Begged…" I put my cheek against the door to listen closer, clumsy little kid skull bonking off the wood, and the voices inside stopped abruptly. " Did you hear that?" I didn't wait to see if either of them had. I ran away, into the garden, to play with my cousins. I remembered all of it now, but still none of it made sense. I think I was awake. I could feel the pillow beneath my head, the covers on top of me. There was even a tickle in my nose that had been a constant companion since starting all the dusty work I had done. I had to be awake. But my bedroom door was open, when I knew I had closed it. From where I was lying I had a clear view down the hall. Nearest, and to the left was Grandma's room. Then Grandpa's room. Straight ahead was the bathroom, and to the right the stairs. There was a broad stripe of moonlight cutting across the bannister from the small window by the stairs, and it hit Grandma's bedroom door with unnerving accuracy. I had shut her door and locked it, a ritual I never neglected. And I was glad I had, because in the depths of the customary night time silence I thought I heard the creak of boards in her room. I closed my eyes. Tried to go back to sleep. There might have been the merest judder of the floor beneath my mattress, transferred from the long boards that made up the top floor of the house, but that was likely just my imagination. I listened to my own breathing. It was loud inside my head, and very nearly blotted out the noise which was becoming more noticeable the more I ignored it. A dragging sound. The sound of something that wanted to be heard, but was pretending it didn't. A crafty noise, a sniggering under the breath. Slow and laborious, and getting closer. I thought of old childhood songs, hymns I had sung when I was little inside a large echoing room where we had assembly. We'd been taught kiddy Christian songs, about Jesus being a light and how Autumn reminded us of God. I tried to remember the words. Anything rather than acknowledge what I was hearing. It was louder now. More insistent. It sounded like the door handle to Grandma's room was rattling. I didn't open my eyes, because I didn't want to see if I was right. And anyway, the door was locked. No point in ruining my sleep and seeing something upsetting but harmless. Autumn days when the grass is jewelled and the silk inside a chestnut shell, jet planes waiting in the air to be refuelled, all these things I love so well. So I mustn't forget. Not I mustn't forget. To say a great big Thank you, I mustn't forget. The next verse had mentioned bacon, I was sure of it. The smell of bacon. I didn't want to hear what I heard: The door I had locked opening with a scream of complaining hinges that almost sounded human. The thud of something soft hitting the floor. I opened my eyes then. It was a mistake. There was a fat shadow outside Grandma's room, part of it obscured by the doorway. It had no real form, but it undulated where it lay, hunching up into a rounder shape. It reminded me of a cocoon, as if something was struggling inside to get out. A thin outer membrane bulging from within. It pulled itself from the doorway, and now I had seen it I was powerless to look away. I couldn't even close my eyes. I saw all of it, in whatever form it chose to show The end of it tapered into something that could have been legs, although they tapered into points that in no way resembled feet. There were small nubs there, but they waved in the air uselessly as it shuffled along on bent, sharply angular joints that might have been knees. It started to pull itself along the bare boards, unsheathing claws from the folds of itself, digging them into the wood and dragging its body forward. Scrape by scrape, it was coming towards me. Was this sleep paralysis? It made sense. I'd heard all about it, and it certainly fit the description. I couldn't move, and I was seeing something that couldn't possibly have been there. As it got closer, I could hear the raspy sounds of its breath. It was damp and bubbly, choked and phlegmy. It sounded like it was drowning, and I wished it would do so before it reached me. A face was becoming visible under the cowl of skin or cloth hanging over the front of the thing, but I had no wish to see it. It crawled with steady menace, broaching the threshold of my room and not stopping till it was within touching distance. I could not close my eyes, but I willed them to unfocus. There were tiny muscles I was still able to command, and I used them, blurring the face getting close to mine. Letting my gaze drift. It smelled like mould and old spunk and wet dust. If cobwebs had a smell we could detect, they would smell like this, I thought. A scaly hand touched my arm, scrabbled across my chest. It had a weight that belied its skeletal appearance. It used that hand to heave itself on top of me, and I let my eyes roll back into my head. I did not want to see it's face. I felt its bulk settle against my ribs. A pressure like a cement block crushing my lungs. It was panting now, breath that should have been hot but was icy cold stinging the skin of my face. I thought about the smell of bacon as it fastened its lipless mouth over mine and started to suck. I must have passed out, or fallen asleep. Or switched to another dream. I don't quite know which reality was true. I was dazed and lightheaded when I came to myself, sucking in air with a pair of lungs that felt flat and rubbery and stupid. I couldn't take a deep enough breath to satisfy me. The thing was gone, if it had ever been there, but in its place I felt a gentle pressure near my feet that was enough to make me crane my head towards it. There was a man sitting on my mattress, legs folded awkwardly, but I felt no fear. I recognised my Grandpa from photos in which he was younger. He looked very sad. "I'm sorry, Lily," he told me. "I tried to get rid of it, but she wouldn't let me. I wanted to hide it better, but I didn't know I was going to get ill so quickly." I tried to sit up, but I was so weak my arms collapsed underneath me. I heard Grandpa click his tongue in sympathy. "Poor girl," he said. "It's not pleasant, I know. She told me all about it. Decades, it followed her. Sometimes she could get rid of it for years, other times only days. Wore her out." He patted my leg. I could feel it through my blanket. "She never meant to pass it to you. We had an agreement: No kids, no family. She swore. But she got tired." He leaned over, and I managed to raise my head enough to see him. His eyes were wet, but whilst they offered empathy there was no real help there. "I can't stay long. They'll notice I'm gone. But get yourself some oxygen. You'll need it in the mornings. Take a sip or two when you wake up. It's yours now, so take it as much as you can. Pass it on if you feel you're able. You probably won't feel like you can now, but a few years down the line you might change your mind. It weighs on the soul, she said. " I wanted to speak. I wanted to ask him so much more, but I didn't have the energy. And he was looking scared now. "I have to go. They're looking for me. I'm so sorry, Angel. Just remember what I said. His emblem guides Him. He has to follow. But he always returns once the soul has gone. Sleep right, Lily the Pink." He left then. Left in an unimpressive fizzle of air occupying the space where he had been. And I was alone with a new dilemma. So far, I have decided that I will take the creature for as long as I can. After that, who knows? Somebody has to own it. Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/vxwdgf/when_my_grandfather_died_i_accidentally/ submitted by /u/withywoodwitch to r/nosleep [link] [comments]

TL;DR: SHOS, or Sears Hometown & Outdoors Stores, spun off from Sears in 2012. It had done strong, consistent numbers in 2016 and 2017, making nearly 72+% of all its revenue from its appliances' line including Sears-brand Kenmore. Despite strong sales for Kenmore appliances, parent company/Sears CEO Eddie Lampert did barely anything to help out SHOS or Kenmore's appliance line. On the other hand, in 2017, Lampert decided to allow Jeff Bezos' Amazon to be the ONLY non-Sears company to sell Kenmore. Those appliances were then allowed to be Alexa-compliant. (This all may perhaps very well be one of the first direct/indirect links to the infamous "Busting out the Competition" DD). In 2018, SHOS encountered a crazy amount of short interest, even more so than Sears. At one point, it would have taken 146 days to cover all the shorted shares, and had 1.5 million FTDs shortly before delisting. This may tie into a famous "Taken" scene where the parent (company) watches the bad guys "kidnap the child". SHOS' story is very very similar to GameStop's Cool Holdings/Simply Mac business, a related GME company that was potentially shorted even more than GME. BedBath's BuyBuyBaby may have encountered a similar "kidnap the child" scenario, where BedBath's liquidation meant grabbing Baby's offerings at a steal. For the culture: https://www.thrillist.com/entertainment/nation/taken-speech-liam-neeson-movie-anniversary EDIT 1: Note that this is a partial repost of another recent DD I dropped, with some added info given the BBBY info that's been coming out about RCMODS: lmk if want me to delete the old post, and sorry to any commenters for your comments on that post! ​ https://preview.redd.it/i5pzkbwnx8m81.png?width=807&format=png&auto=webp&s=794da8617d2a11be7148dca0597f8c9754cde885 Sections 0. Preface: Taken “What’s an Exit Strategy?” Ask Eddie Lampert… The Story of SHOS Burn the Furniture I Find Your Lack of Faith Disturbing Alexa, say “Go Fuck Yourself SHOS” 146 Days Down for the Count Collateral Damage: Revisiting the Story of GME's Cool Holdings Kidnap the Child 0. Preface In 2009, the film industry and movie fans worldwide jizzed their collective pants over a new film that had come out. One which, in its wake, led to several sequels and billions of memes echoing every word and pregnant pause (slightly edited for the purposes of our story): ​ I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my [child] go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will [end] you." ​ Apes can be a very varied bunch, delving into everything from oil construction to retail to body language. And given all our own talents, we may, of course, be fans of film. But we're not here as much as to talk about movies, as we are to talk about something that may be relevant to the past week: the story of a parent company and its "child". 1. “What’s an Exit Strategy?” Ask Eddie Lampert… Back in 2014, former Goldman Sachs VP Robin Lewis pushed a particular idea on their blog: why shouldn’t Amazon acquire Sears? ​ https://preview.redd.it/3xhjdloox8m81.png?width=1151&format=png&auto=webp&s=0124b304494eff8a2e3b29572075c7da56cf073d According to him, Jeff “Get Big Fast” Bezos would have acquired 2400 retail stores (or rather the buildings themselves) in an acquisition of those 1300 Sears & 1100 Kmart storefronts. These might have allowed for convenience for pickups & returns, as well as match how Walmart’s 2400 stores often doubled as distribution stores. The commercial real estate gimme would have been huge for Amazon. And the sale would have been music to Eddie Lampert, whom had been drilling Sears straight into the fucking ground over the past few years and watched the market cap of the company diminish. ​ not at fucking all Bezos would have gotten cheap buildings without having to set up and construct new ones or sign expensive leases: ​ “What Eddie gets in such a sale is a potentially profitable exit strategy that many analysts, myself included, believe he is pursuing. In fact, in several of my past articles I have opined that Lampert was, indeed, managing the business into liquidation. And regarding the real estate assets, Lampert has been methodically selling, leasing (partial or in total), and/or closing Sears and Kmart locations. Indeed, he indicated not too long ago that Sears Holdings was considering shuttering its entire fleet of Kmart stores. So if he is seeking an exit, a far less painful and certainly more profitable option would be a sale to Amazon.” ​ In the wake of that carrot-and-stick for Sears’ shameful captain, the meat and potatoes might have been a particular means to an end as well for that potential exit strategy in the form of one offshoot of Sears Holdings**. That offshoot was known as SHOS.** 2. The Story of SHOS SHOS, or Sears Hometown and Outlet Stores, spun off from Sears back in 2012. Now Sears was an absolutely huge retailer back in the day in the American landscape; if you recall, one that was once worth nearly 1% of the entire American economy. ​ \"locally owned and operated\"...sigh. For its specificity, SHOS focused on home appliances, as well as outdoor equipment like hardware, lawn & gardening tools. Unlike Sears, SHOS stores were much smaller and split into 2 parts: (1) Sears Hometown Stores & (2) Sears Outlet Stores. ​ Sears Hometown franchises sat at about 8500 square feet vs. 140,000 square feet for larger stores. They accounted for 70% of SHOS revenue, and usually serviced smaller markets that couldn’t fit a giant Sears. Sears Outlet franchises accounted for 30% of SHOS revenue, and apparently had a nice handle-hold on the market according to one Seeking Alpha blogger:“...the Outlet Stores have become the de facto clearinghouse for the entire U.S. appliance industry's bruised, damaged, returned, reconditioned, overstocked, and "nearly new" appliances, and are estimated to possess over 2/3 market share, domestically, of that business! ​ Eighty percent of the Outlet Stores overall sales consist of appliances, 75% of appliance sales represent "as is" appliances, and only 30% of total sales are sourced from Sears Holdings.” ​ ​ 3. Burn the Furniture Remember Goldman’s Lewis? He floated one appeal to Bezos above all else in the appeal of Sears’ inventory: appliances. ​ “While Kenmore appliances, Craftsman tools, and DieHard batteries have been placed into another entity and charge Sears royalties as a licensee, I’m sure Amazon would insist they come with the deal. And, those are iconic brands that can be re-energized. The e-commerce business, which Lampert invested most heavily in and strategically focused on for future growth, while only accounting for about 3% of the total business, could certainly be leveraged when plugged into Amazon’s model.” ​ And Lewis was right. Even in our story of SHOS, one thing above anything else anchored its tale: its appliances inventory. ​ A report on SHOS by a YT channel called Real Deep Value Investing. 41 views. Made me think of someone we all know obv In 2016 AND 2017, nearly 72-73% of its revenue distribution was JUST appliances! In fact, its improving outlook through that time let it ink direct deals with appliance bigs like Whirlpool, GE, Samsung, and Husqvarna. It was also known for carrying its Sears name-brand Kenmore appliances (half of Sears’ total appliance sales in 2016). ​ SHOS had big balls to swing around: by 2017, SHOS was the ONLY retailer to contain ALL of the top 10 major appliance brands under one roof. Despite its store square footage, SHOS wasn’t no small fry. ​ All of this news tons of–yes–”deep value” investors into a frenzy. At one point, the stock was trading at $2. Investors flipped shit wondering why, when “book value” based on its appliances alone should have put the stock much higher: $9 was a common number offered, nearly 4x as much. ​ \"burn the furniture...heat the house...\" Another thing that made it a little bit different than the big Sears stores which anchored malls was its square footage**: 80% of its stores were franchised or owner-owned (no different than a McDonald’s for example).** ​ SHOS supplies the goods to each franchisee, SHOS gets paid commission by the owner after a sale, and–on the other hand–the owner is on the hook for most of the real estate and operating risk. Not the parent company. ​ And while store closings were beginning to show up around 2016 & 2017, many knew that its stock price should have been truly buoyed above all else by the absolute weight of its inventory: ​ “...2/3 of net current assets or less being a measure of extraordinary "deep value"). In the case of SHOS, with roughly $160 million in net current assets, the company is selling at just over 25% of net current assets, an unheard of valuation that provides a truly astonishing margin of safety. What is even more incredible is that the vast majority of those current assets ($355 million) are represented in inventories, and over 70% of those inventories are high dollar value appliances. Since the appliances are carried on the company's books at cost, it would be likely, in any potential liquidation of the company, that SHOS would be able to realize proceeds of upwards of 90% of the carrying value of its inventory, as suggested by recent store closures…” ​ IYKYK Yes, you heard that right. If it literally “burned the furniture” and its stock down overnight, a liquidation would earn it essentially 90% of its worth. It was info like that which made deep value investors cream their corn. Investors were more than willing to not just like, but support the stock. However, the parent company, did not share investors’ enthusiasm. At least in the ways that mattered. 4. I Find Your Lack of Faith Disturbing SHOS found itself hamstrung by Eddie Lampert’s Sears more than once through its dying days. Most notably, despite Kenmore’s high sales in 2016, it wasn’t getting much support from the parent company. For one, Sears Holdings was NOT promoting its own brand of Kenmore appliances and NOT giving it any subsidy. ​ Is SHOS gonna have to choke a bitch? As a result, this meant that SHOS stores had to LOWER prices for Sears-Kenmore brand shit across the board to compete. This meant someone walking into a Sears Outlet store might see a new Samsung washer vs. a used Kenmore brand one. Usually, you might have even had people more willing to dig into a used/out-of-box or floor model appliance since Kenmore was roundly considered by many analysts to be “the shit” (my words, not theirs). ​ But despite Kenmore having BETTER sales and arguably better brand recognition at the time, it had to lower its prices sharply to compete without parent company help. This would all slowly eat into sales for the entire firm. ​ In this case, it’s easy to argue that Eddie Lampert shot Kenmore sales in the dick by failing to push one of its biggest movers. We also notice how little Lampert helped SHOS with what happened with Whirlpool, one of the biggest appliance suppliers to SHOS. ​ like fucking clockwork Eddie Whirlpool had actually had deals ongoing with Sears Holdings (think Sears’ parent company and the giant anchor stores). However, since it felt that just like Kenmore, Eddie Lampert was effectively shooting it in the dick, SHOS inked an INDEPENDENT supply arrangement with Whirlpool: ​ “This is a testament to the financial strength of the SHOS balance sheet, and another reminder to skeptics that Sears Hometown and Sears Holdings may have similar sounding names, but they are NOT the same company.” ​ Now this is frankly fucking insane, that Whirlpool told the parent company to fuck off and asked instead to deal with the smaller but baller pal instead. ​ from the article \"Who Dumped Who? Sears or Whirlpool?\" But these deals might have meant gold to their bottom line: SHOS’ 2016 10-K said that operating independently of SHLD might have meant lower costs as they now sourced those products independently. (Remember, this is what helped make it the only retailer to own the top 10 of all appliances under its own roof, even more than its own parent company!) It even received a $40 million loan (facility) from Gordon Brothers to help support this move for these independent deals with Whirlpool and others. ​ And this was apart from its continued pushes to innovate itself, like lease-to-own moves for appliances (think Rent-A-Center), leveraging a direct purchase agreement with Ashley Furniture and noticing a sizeable increase in sales once it started rebranding certain stores as “America’s Appliance Experts”. It wasn’t just pissing in the wind, SHOS noticed its appliances, brand name and quality MATTERED. ​ ​ 5. Alexa, say “Go Fuck Yourself SHOS” Sears’ Kenmore brand–despite its being hamstrung under the SHOS umbrella–had exclusivity in who could just sell its appliances. ​ That list included the following tickers/companies: Sears Holdings (SHLD) Sears Hometown & Outlet Stores (SHOS) Amazon (AMZN) Wait WHAT? What did you just say? ​ Yes. Amazon. Jeff Bezos’ pet project of Amazon–after his pet projects of fucking Americans through hedge fund D.E. Shaw but before the pet project of sending steel dildos into space–was allowed to start selling Kenmore appliances back on Amazon .com in a year when SHOS was knocking it out of the park with 73% of all sales being appliance sales, and Kenmore alone being HALF of that. ​ https://preview.redd.it/3dt2pzn4y8m81.png?width=1319&format=png&auto=webp&s=3996adbd3701c9065a47049b5a4696a043d18253 So Lampert, who WASN’T helping his own offshoot SHOS with their Kenmore brand, decided to suck the dick of Wish-brand Lex Luthor? ​ Its appeal wasn’t just dedicated to bolstering Amazon’s digital presence either. It was looking for some sYnErGy in the shape of an object that Amazon was pushing into households more than any other: Alexa. ​ The latest deal also allows owners of Amazon’s Alexa digital assistant to control digitally connected Kenmore appliances. That aspect was particularly appealing to Amazon, Amobi said. "This is another way for them to advance the penetration of that technology," he said. "This allows you to be able to activate your washing machine with voice control. It sounds quite appealing in some respects." ​  If we revisit our "Taken" monologue, we come to a stirring crossroads. Yes, there may very well be parent companies (Just like grizzled Liam Neesen-esque parents) willing to do everything to get their child back from the claws of bad actors. ​ But what happens, when the parent company simply doesn't care? Or even worse, tells the bad actors where their child is hiding? Despite these changes in the Kenmore brand and the lack of help from Lampert, investors in SHOS waved worries about these developments away. They felt SHOS as a company truly mattered and its appliance’ inventory truly mattered. It could stand on its own 2 feet. But as SHOS investors diamond-handed their shares, they saw something else that far too many GME investors were familiar with. 6. 146 Days While Sears’ SHLD stock was tanking faster and faster into 2017 after a stellar year, investors saw some weird shit happen. ​ Eddie Lampert started buying SHOS stock in the open market. On Dec. 2017, in that single month he bought up 220K shares himself on the open stock market alongside retail investors like you. This was 1/30th of the float! ​ Comment on Lampert from apparent Sears intern back in the day Other funds, including Nantahala Capital Management (~10% ownership, largest institutional shareholder), Chou Management, Royce & Associates, & Renaissance Technologies bought more or held during this time. Which all lead to a crazyyyy runaway effect. ​ Let’s compare some fuckery shall we? On June 4th, 2013, Sears’ Hometown & Outlet Stores (SHOS) nearly hit an all-time high price of ~$55. It had been riding high alongside Sears as a whole. Around that day, SHOS had ~2600 fails to delivers, or shares that had not been delivered. ​ During March 2018, it hit a small short squeeze while trading a $2 per share, which many SHOS investors who saw some deep ahem, value in the stock were ecstatic over. And why was that? ​ “According to Nasdaq, short interest in SHOS soared over 50%, from 2.05 million shares at October 13, 2017, to 3.27 million shares at November 30. (It remained at 3.2 million shares at 2/28/18.) Apparently, the "hard to borrow" status of Sears Holdings has carried over to SHOS, causing some to mistakenly liken SHOS to SHLD, and blindly shorting it as a proxy for SHLD. Indeed, SHOS may be setting itself up for the mother of all short squeezes. At 2/28/18, SHOS had a short ratio of 23%, and an astonishing days-to-cover ratio of 146...one of the highest days-to-cover ratios on the entire Nasdaq stock market! This compares to the SHLD figure of 18.5%, and a mere 9 days-to-cover. If you factor in the fact that Eddie Lampert owns nearly 60% of the stock, and that 15% of the rest of the company is "locked up" in the hands of deep value investors that will likely not sell, without a significant price rise**, the "truly available float" for shorting is probably only 25% of the outstanding shares, or 5.7 million shares. (This makes the short interest, as a percent of the adjusted float, sky high, and subject to a squeeze at any time!)”** ​ Yes, here too motherfuckers. SHOS at one point was so damn shorted, it would have taken fucking 146 days to cover! And the fun literally did not stop there. Up until the stock’s very last moments. 7. Down for the Count In Oct. 2018, Sears’ own SHLD stock suffered a fate known to many heavily shorted stocks: it got delisted. I talked about this in another post: ​ The timing was insane too. Remember how Q4 is always big for GME? Many were left going wtf at Sears filing for bankruptcy protection and closing ~150 stores a week before delisting, when there was a chance they could have held on longer. Why? Like ALL retailers, they usually make their most profits during Q4 and the Christmas season, big for all retailers whether GameStop or Sears. ​ https://preview.redd.it/7ur5rks9y8m81.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=f08473ca21e686c8445c52e1706ae8970ad1d408 SHOS, unfortunately, eventually joined it. Nearly 6 years later after SHOS’ all-time high in 2013…on August 28th, 2019, SHOS hit a price of ~$3.50. On that day it hit 1.53 MILLION fails to deliver. Two months later, the company was delisted at a similar price of $3.40. ​ Couldn't squeeze the whole chart well enough but you se the spike right before delisting To give you an idea of how insane this number of FTDs, remember: GME hit 3.2 million FTDs in Oct. 2020 at a float of about ~65 million shares (equivalent proportion to 5% of all shares available to be purchased as FTDs). ​ SHOS had issued shares of ~23 million (nearly 1/3rd of GME's) and had anywhere from 5 to 10 million shares in the float depending on who you asked! An utterly insane number and this may very well be the highest days to cover number I've seen, surpassing Tuesday Morning's 92 days to cover I found out about as well here: ​ Tuesday Morning at one point was shorted to the point woulda taken 92 days to cover Despite all this fuckery, we saw how the story of Sears had petered out. Just like Sears had gone bankrupt, only a few months after Memento S.A. had called out the heavy naked shorting on the stock back in 2017, SHOS joined its parent company. ​ In the wake of its falling stock prices and just a few months before it got delisted, law firm Wolf Popper decided to step in as they saw that maybe Sears CEO Eddie Lampert was trying to fuck the smaller company arm: ​ “Wolf Popper LLP is investigating potential claims on behalf of investors in Sears Hometown and Outlet Stores, Inc. (Nasdaq: SHOS), concerning the proposed going private transaction of Sears Hometown by Edward Lampert, Sears Hometown's majority shareholder, through his hedge fund ESL Investments, Inc. According to Carl Stine, a partner at Wolf Popper LLP, "Edward Lampert currently owns almost 60% of Sears Hometown's outstanding shares and his $2.25 per share offer looks like an attempt to steal the company with a low-ball bid." ​ As far as I have been able to find, nothing has yet come out of Wolf Popper's look into SHOS and Lampert's potential attempt to get the company at a steal. It all comes to bear, like a game of "Clue" (or pick your "whodunit" movie): regardless of the hedge funds or market makers that may have also been involved, whom might have had a bigger hand in their fallout? Eddie Lampert, looking to get it for a steal? Or Jeff Bezos, looking to take out the biggest competition for one of the best selling appliance lines in the country? Or, frankly, why not both? 8. Collateral Damage: Revisiting the Story of Cool Holdings While looking up the story of SHOS, I noticed that it echoed a lot of what I saw in another company I studied in my “Spectator Mode” DD on how stocks are delisted. ​ https://preview.redd.it/3hb4iupey8m81.png?width=660&format=png&auto=webp&s=355df0c268b2839b20a69db67b64a187d64754d8 I talked about how in Feb. 2020, GME had gone through some weird turbulence through its smaller associated stock to GME: Cool Holdings, which operated as a popular Apple goods reseller and bought out GME's Simply Mac business: ​ In Feb. 2020, Moody’s had downgraded GME’s debt, and Cool Holdings, which was buying GameStop’s Simply Mac business, had missed its first installment payment to GameStop. GME, on its own ropes and in need of help, demanded that Cool Holdings pay back the total of $8 million it owed to it immediately. We haven’t seen much of Cool Holdings in recent posts on Superstonk surprisingly. Despite being one of the largest Apple Premium partners back in the day, it also had a run of unfortunateness. ​ https://preview.redd.it/kf3tifefy8m81.png?width=1142&format=png&auto=webp&s=a51bcf7e946b4d3f1e3c51b1860f45503052d7a0 Cool Holdings got delisted itself just a few mere months prior, in Nov. 2019 by NASDAQ. This helped lead to that Motley Fool article only a few months later worrying for GME. Later on, Cool Holdings changed its name to Simply, Inc. and now–no lie–trades under the ticker SIMP. Its new gamer tag/CUSIP is 82901A105.) And in the case of CUSIP, which had a float of about 56 million or so shares around the time of delisting, it had a single FTD spike of nearly 1.3 million just WEEKS before its first payment to GME was due**. (For comparison, GME had a ~1.7 million FTD spike around the same time, with its biggest spike being 3.5 million but during the sneeze. 1.3 million FTDs for a float of 56 million is BIG.) Cool Holdings made me think of SHOS and vice versa. Both were not–to some degree–the parent companies. But were smaller offshoots (or related offshoots) that were shorted with even more FTDs relative to their floats. It made me think that not only is a game plan for bad actors like big banks, prime brokers, hedge funds, market makers like Citadel & Virtu, shitty CEO & board like Eddie Lampert and Jim Bell, to drive down and naked short the stock of a company like Sears AND GME. But its also worth it to probably short down these offshoots EVEN MORE in companies like SHOS for Sears, or Cool Holdings for GME. 9. Kidnap the Child When I first heard about RC's acquisition of 10% of BBBY (shoutout to u/ammoprofit on that!), I like many of you, lost my collective shit. In fact, I found out about the buy-in WHILE I was finishing wrapping up this post; I decided not to add anything about BBBY then but know that mighta been a mistake now. For just like the Sears & SHOS, or GME & Cool Holdings, the story of BBBY and one of its very own offshoots might be central to our storyline today. buybuyBaby was founded by brothers Richard & Jeffrey Feinstein back in 1996. It was eventually acquired in 2007 by Bed Bath & Beyond in 2007. And for years, it only had 1 real big retail competitor: Babies 'R Us, owned by Toys' R Us who eventually filed for bankruptcy in 2018 around the same year that Sears went under (is this all starting to sound familiar?) **** ​ ​ Now Bed Bath hadn't just acquired buybuyBaby during its run. From 2002-2017, it had also acquired Harmon Face Values, The Christmas Tree Shops, Cost Plus World Market, One Kings Lane, and Personalizationmall.com. ​ The previous leaders of Bed Bath never adequately articulated why these acquisitions were good for Bed Bath, and never provided information about the financial performance of the individual brands after they were acquired. That may make it easy for the new leaders to sell the acquired chains off quickly, without needing to offer an explanation. And potential buyers are already making offers... In Oct. 2019, Placer. ai found that 4 of those acquisitions, including Bed Bath "could be strong performers, either as sold-off assets, or as part of a re-imagined Bed Bath." A group of activist investors known as "Restore BedBath" argued selling off non-core assets and inventory rationalization could net a $2 billion windfall if the company nutted the fuck up. But guess which company of the 4 acquisitions had done the best in terms of longest shopper visits? That's right, BuyBuyBaby, with average visits lasting 52 min. (The next closest was Christmas Tree Shops at 46.) This is all as CNBC's Maggie Fitzgerald wrote that BuyBuy Baby ALONE may have been worth more than ALL OF BBBY the very next year, in the midst of the pandemic and months before the meme stock sneeze. ​ https://preview.redd.it/kls1u8g969m81.png?width=885&format=png&auto=webp&s=057e916bc5937f706a883cac05370774e338f46a "[Bank of America] estimates Buybuy Baby's enterprise value is equal to nearly all the current enterprise value of Bed Bath & Beyond." ​ And this isn't counting the deals that it had done during the pandemic, including with Shipt and Uber to race and get more baby goods to parents staying at home, while still offering an often highly rated baby registry competing with another big: Amazon. ​ So even buybuyBaby's (and BBBY's story) may not be in a vacuum, dear apes. And it is context like these that reminds us of our monologue. We were always worried, and oftentimes laughed and meme'd about Ken Griffin, Doug Cifu, Stevie Cohen and all the other financial terrorists worried about marge calling. And at this point, we know the fuckery is beyond all bounds. We even see in the spike in nickel commodities earlier that these fuckers won't even get fucking margin called, and have no one to answer to. ​ But maybe now they do. What happens when you have a Chairman with BDE oozing out his pores, who probably knows about how parent companies and their children in Sears & SHOS, early GME & Cool Holdings, and BBBY & BuyBuyBaby turned out? Maybe Ken doesn't need to fear Marge anymore. Maybe the next time he picks up the phone, he will hear a very different voice, and a very different tune... ​ https://preview.redd.it/0dsk9ovn79m81.png?width=484&format=png&auto=webp&s=8eec8f016cd7be5af0a4f790aa8c775b072332cd Just kidding. I do know who you are...If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I have money, but what I also have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career of building companies into the sky. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let this [child] go now that'll be the end of it. Just kidding. I will look for you, I will pursue you, I will find you and I will end you." ​ TL;DR: SHOS, or Sears Hometown & Outdoors Stores, spun off from Sears in 2012. It had done strong, consistent numbers in 2016 and 2017, making nearly 72+% of all its revenue from its appliances' line including Sears-brand Kenmore, as well as others. Despite strong sales for Kenmore appliances, parent company/Sears CEO Eddie Lampert did barely anything to help out SHOS or Kenmore's appliance line. On the other hand, in 2017, Lampert decided to allow Jeff Bezos' Amazon to be the ONLY non-Sears company to sell Kenmore. Those appliances were then allowed to be Alexa-compliant. (This all may perhaps very well be one of the first direct/indirect links to the infamous "Busting out the Competition" DD). In 2018, SHOS encountered a crazy amount of short interest, even more so than Sears. At one point, it would have taken 146 days to cover all the shorted shares, and had 1.5 million FTDs shortly before delisting. SHOS' story is very very similar to GameStop's Cool Holdings/Simply Mac business, a related GME company that was potentially shorted even more than GME. BedBath's BuyBuyBaby may have encountered a similar "kidnap the child" scenario, where BedBath's liquidation meant grabbing Baby's offerings at a steal. ​ EDI T 2: changed "direct" to "indirect" Not like I have 100% verifiable proof its proof of the "Busting out the competition" DD submitted by /u/throwawaylurker012 to r/Superstonk [link] [comments]

This post is an attempt at a starting point for people who are interested in DIY mattresses, but have no idea where to begin. I’ve been thinking about writing a post like this for awhile now but have found it tricky because the topic is wide and varied. I’m going to try and cover as much ground here as possible so that people can use this as a jumping off place for their own research. You can make your own mattress? Like you stuff it yourself? With what? How? This is probably the primary reaction I get if I ever mention to folks not on reddit that I DIYed my mattress. The idea seems so novel and unusual that most people can’t even fathom the concept. I think this is largely because most people have no idea what their mattress is made out of or how it’s supposed to work. If they did know, they would realize that it’s not nearly as crazy it seems to DIY it. And they would know that there is no “stuffing” involved at all. So I think this really has to be the starting place for any conversation about DIY mattresses -- understanding what a mattress is and what it’s purpose is. At its most basic, a mattress is a surface to sleep on. It has two jobs: Provide comfort and pressure relief. You want to feel good about laying down in bed - you don’t want to feel lots of pressure on your body. When I was a kid I used to be able to sleep on the floor or on camping mats without a problem -- but as an adult whenever I’ve attempted such things I wake up tremendously sore all over my body because of the intense hardness of these surfaces. I, like most people, need something softer than the ground to feel comfortable and wake up feeling refreshed. Provide support and spinal alignment. A mattress that’s too soft or too firm for your body size (height/weight) and sleeping position (back/stomach/side) could still be a comfortable mattress -- but if it doesn’t keep your spine aligned in the proper position, you could find yourself in a world of back pain. You can see what proper spinal alignment looks like for each sleeping position in this diagram. Everything else that a mattress does is arguably a secondary role. Given that a mattress really only has two primary jobs, it’s unsurprising then that a mattress also only has two primary components: A soft comfort layer at the top of the mattress whose job it is to provide comfort and pressure relief. For DIYers the most common comfort layers are memory foam and latex. That being said, you can use pretty much any soft foam or anything else that is sold as a “mattress topper” for a comfort layer. Typically a comfort layer will be between 2” - 4” thick. A firm support layer at the bottom of the mattress whose job it is to provide support. For DIYers the most common support layers are latex, polyurethane foam and pocket coil springs. Typically a support layer will be between 4” - 8” thick. That being said, that doesn’t mean all mattresses are only two layers. A comfort layer could include two different components - like a layer of soft latex and memory foam for example. Similarly, a support layer might also contain multiple components - like latex of two different firmness levels. A mattress might also contain a transition layer that provides a bridge between the soft and firm. How you decide to construct your mattress is up to you - but at the most basic you need something that’s going to be firm enough to support your weight and soft enough to provide pressure relief in your sleeping position. For more detail on the different layers of mattresses - read this comment from u/Duende555 about transition layers, insulation layers and more. You should have a good cover that fits well I think one of the biggest hesitations about DIY is that it will “look funny.” Or that it will feel lumpy and that the layers will shift around underneath you. All of these problems can be easily solved with one thing: a well made cover that is designed to exactly fit the size of your mattress (length, width and height). A tight fitting cover will hold the material together, prevent it from moving around, and make your final product look exactly like any other mattress. If you’re really on a tight budget, you can buy a cheap zippered mattress protector (typically designed to keep bedbugs out of your mattress), but this will likely not work as well as a high quality cover. Pay close attention to whether or not the cover is quilted or un-quilted as this will have a significant impact on the feel of the mattress. The trend in the mattress industry has been towards stretch-knit unquilted covers to allow for greater conformity with the foam layers below. This is particularly important for side sleepers who need their shoulders and hips to sink in to the mattress. A quilted cover will be much less stretchy and will thus add quite a bit of firmness to the mattress. Note: un-quilted covers are best for all foam or all latex mattresses. Because they are thinner and stretchier they won't do as well at holding an unglued hybrid mattress together. If you plan to use coils I would suggest opting for a thicker quilted cover. Lastly - because you want your cover to be the exact size for your mattress, it can be a good idea to hold off on buying it until you know what you want your final build to be. Buying it before you know that will limit your ability to tinker with the mattress as you will either have to buy a whole new cover or restrict your tinkering to the exact height as the cover you ordered. Sources for good quality zippered mattress covers include: Unquilted covers: Sleep Like a Bear sells two unquilted covers, Sleep on Latex sells an unquilted cover (branded as a “topper cover”), DIY natural bedding sells four unquilted covers. Quilted covers: Arizona Premium Mattress sells two quilted covers, Latex Mattress Factory sells a quilted cover, DIY natural bedding sells a quilted cover, Sleep Like a Bear sells a quilted option as well. Brentwood Home sells a very affordable cover with a small amount of quilted wool. Comfort Option sells a 10" cover only that looks like it might be stretchier than a regular quilted cover. Sourcing comfort layers Just about anything sold as a “mattress topper” can be used as a comfort layer -- and those are plentiful out there. If you need something fast and cheap, your best bet might be a memory foam topper off Amazon or purchased in person at a place like Walmart, Target or Costco. If product specs are available, a comfort layer will typically have an ILD below 20, although larger people and stomach sleepers may prefer something firmer. Commonly suggested nicer comfort layers include but are not limited to: Soft talalay latex: Flexus Comfort, Arizona Premium Mattress/DIYmattress.net, SleepEZ/Latex Mattress Factory, Luma Sleep, Latex for Less, Brooklyn Bedding. Soft dunlop latex - Naturally Nestled, Sleep on Latex, Flexus Comfort, Arizona Premium Mattress/DIYmattress.net, SleepEZ/Latex Mattress Factory Memory foam - note that memory foam should never be used as a support layer and should only be used as a comfort layer: Brooklyn Bedding, Foam by Mail, Bestway Foam, PlushBeds, Comfort Option -- there are many options for memory foam that can be found online and many mattress companies sell memory foam toppers. High performance polyfoams - Bestway Foam, Nest Bedding, Tuft + Needle, Comfort Option. Serene Foam is a high quality performance polyfoam that can be purchased at Bed, Bath and Beyond, Target and other places. Sourcing support Layers While comfort layer options are plentiful and myriad for DIYers, support layer options are a bit more limited. While lots of consumers need mattress toppers, it’s only a small niche group of us looking to buy coils! Most people using a foam-based support layer, be it latex or polyfoam, should probably have an ILD over 30. Larger people might need an ILD over 40, and small people may need an ILD in the high 20s. Latex support layers likely offer the greatest amount of flexibility/modularity in that there is a greater variety of firmness options to chose from and that makes it easier to swap layers in and out. Polyurethane foam - Foam By Mail / The Foam Factory sells three 35ILD polyfoams: a high quality 2.8lb foam, a good quality 1.8lb foam, and a medium quality 1.5lb foam - the last one being ideal for a temporary mattress. Pocket coil springs - There are currently four coil units available to DIY consumers in the United States. All four are made by Leggett and Platt and use firmer coils along the perimeter for edge support: Firmest: 6” Quantum Edge Elite Softest: 8” Quantum Edge Elite Most cheap: 6” Caliber Edge Zoned: 8” Quantum Edge Elite Combizone Coils, these coils are “zoned” meaning the middle section of the mattress will be firmer than the areas by the head and feet Firm latex (look for ILDs above 30 for support layers!) - Sleep on Latex, Flexus Comfort, Arizona Premium Mattress/DIYmattress.net, SleepEZ/Latex Mattress Factory, Naturally Nestled. Mattress surgery - in addition to sourcing support layers from the places above, it’s also theoretically possible to repurpose the support layer of an old and sagging mattress. Mattresses tend to break down from top to bottom, meaning that many sagging mattresses still have perfectly suitable coils underneath the sagging foams. The most cost effective way to replace your sagging mattress may actually be to repair it by cutting it open, tossing out the broken down foams, and replacing them with new comfort layers. Check out this helpful video showing you how from Ken at Arizona Premium Mattress. WARNING -- do not attempt mattress surgery on a cheap mattress due to the potential dangers of releasing fiberglass!!! Pitfalls to avoid Don’t use memory foam in your support layer. People commonly think a “memory foam mattress” is a mattress that uses memory foam from top to bottom. This is not true, memory foam provides little to no support and thus it’s only useful as a comfort layer. A classic memory foam mattress typically uses a firm polyurethane foam as the support layer. Don’t make your comfort layer too thick. Most side sleepers probably only need 3” or 4” of soft foam at the top of the mattress -- any more than that and you risk creating a mattress that is much too soft. Back sleepers and stomach sleepers need even less. Don’t confuse the comfort and support layers. Ok, I get it - you want a firm mattress! That doesn’t mean you should pick out both the firmest support and comfort layers out there. If you’ve already got a super firm support layer, you probably want a softer comfort layer for some pressure relief. If you’re using a pocket coil support layer, pay attention to the layer directly above the coils as this will have a large impact on the overall firmness of the mattress. u/Duende555 advises that a “medium” mattress will use a foam with an ILD around 20-24. FAQs DIY mattress? That sounds really difficult! I’m not very handy! A DIY mattress requires almost no real skill to assemble. If you’ve ever assembled IKEA furniture you’ve already done something far more complex than assembling a DIY mattress. It can require a little bit of physical work and lifting because the layers (especially latex and coils) can be quite heavy, but that’s the only hard part. It requires no sewing, no drilling, no hammering, no mixing, no stuffing, no cutting, and no welding. It does however require some research and some planning. Wait, is this really as simple as stacking some layers together and zipping them up? I mean, yeah - kind of! You can certainly make it more complicated. You can glue the layers together if you want. You can even tuft them together if you’ve got the sewing skills. But you don’t have to do that -- a DIY mattress encased in a good quality zippered case should perform just as well as a pre-built. Will DIY save me money? It might! But it also might not. It all depends on what your budget is and how much tinkering you have to do with your DIY mattress. If you get your build right on your first go, you will probably save a substantial amount of money compared to a similar quality pre-built. If your build requires a lot of swapping layers in and out, then the costs could start to add up. Ok, this seems awesome - how do I convince my spouse to get on board? Yikes, good luck with that. Maybe show them this post on buyer’s remorse or this post on planned obsolescence. Either way, that’s probably a better question for r/relationship_advice. Do I need to put anything below the coils? There appears to be some debate about the answer to it! u/Duende555 suggests using at least 1” of firm foam below the coils for stabilization. Ken from APM says this is unnecessary. Either way, it doesn’t seem like it would hurt to include it! You mentioned a “transition layer” earlier - what exactly is that? Do I need one? It’s exactly what it sounds like -- it’s the kind of layer that you might put between your comfort and support layer. It’s probably a layer that on it’s own would likely be too soft to function properly as a support layer and too firm to function as a comfort layer. This will vary pretty widely person to person and depend a lot on sleeping position and weight. For many people a latex or other foam layer with an ILD around 22-30 would probably work. Whether or not you need a transition layer is generally a personal decision. Many mattresses (both pre-built and DIY) just use a basic “two layer” approach and that works totally fine for a lot of people. If you go with a two layer mattress, but you find it a little bit too firm, it could help to add a transition layer in the middle. That being said, if you’re building a memory foam hybrid, you certainly will need a transition layer of some sort between the memory foam and the coils. I’m confused about some of the different materials you’ve mentioned here. What’s the difference between dunlop latex and talalay latex? What’s the deal with ILD? What’s the difference between a 2.5lb memory foam and a 5.0 memory foam? Or a 1.5lb polyfoam and a 3.0lb memory foam? That’s a very long and complicated question. The short answer is that this is probably a good place to start doing your research. This is the sort of information that would be good for you to know if you’re doing a DIY mattress or even if you just want to be an informed consumer of pre-built mattresses. I suggest checking out the FAQ to this subreddit or The Mattress Underground to get the answers to those questions. Here is a slightly slightly longer answer with the very basic information you might need. ILD is a measurement of firmness -- the higher the ILD the firmer the material is. So an ILD above 30 usually means “firm” while an ILD below 20 usually mean “soft.” Firmness is different than density which is generally indicated (in the United States) by the weighted measurement of a 12” x 12” x 12” (cubic foot) block of foam. For some materials like latex, the denser the foam is, the firmer it will be. For other materials, like polyurethane foam, there is a much less clear relationship (i.e. you can have a soft dense foam and a firm lightweight foam). For pretty much all foams, the denser the foam is - the longer it will last. That last paragraph is a pretty wild oversimplification of a complicated set of topics. So go and study. How do I duplicate a Purple/Tempurpedic/[insert expensive mattress here]? You can’t. Or not exactly at least. You can certainly attempt to get close by paying attention to all the layers and components inside the mattress. If the layers they use happen to be easily available to consumers, then you may be able to get close to duplicating the feel. But if the layers they use are not easily available or readily accessible -- well, then you probably can’t. Either way, a “dupe” mattress won’t feel exactly like the mattress you loved in the store but found too expensive. It’s probably better to start from a place of trying to identify what sorts of comfort and support layers are going to meet your needs rather than trying to duplicate the feel of a mattress you liked. What about split-firmness? How does that work? Very often two people share a mattress full time. Occasionally they might happen to have the exact same needs in a mattress, but more often than not these two people likely have different sized bodies and different sleeping positions and thus have different needs in a mattress. If you’re DIYing your mattress, you can set it up so that each side of the same mattress will have different firmness levels. It’s pretty easy to do this, you just make sure the split layers are half the size of the total bed and encase them in the same mattress cover. You can do a firmness split in the support layer, the comfort layer, or both! What about zoning? How does that work? The basic idea of zoning is that the mattress will have different firmness levels of the mattress from head to foot. Most typically this means the mid-section under the hips will be made firmer than the rest of the mattress. If that interests you, you can buy zoned pocket coils. Or you can use foams of different firmness levels spliced together in a mattress layer. Many of the “standard” zoning systems are designed for “average height” people -- so if you’re very short or very tall, you probably don’t want to buy anything pre-zoned. Instead you could do the zones yourself by measuring yourself carefully against the mattress and ordering the appropriate foams. Note: not every pre-built mattress is zoned and your DIY doesn’t need to be either! This is just one option available to you. What's the deal with fire retardants, do I need to do that? As you may or may not know, US law requires that all mattresses sold in the United States must pass a fire retardation test. It's debatable whether this is actually a useful requirement or not. Most mainstream mattress manufacturers use a "fire retardant sock" that's made out of rayon and some other stuff and contains amorphous silica. Some very cheap mattresses (like the kind you might buy off Amazon: Zinus, Lucid, Linenspa, etc.) use fiberglass. "Organic" and "green" mattresses tend to use compressed wool. Because you not DIYing a mattress for retail purposes, you are free to not use a fire retardant layer. That being said - if you smoke in bed or have your bed near an open flame, it's probably a good idea. Can I use an open coil or bonnell coil for my DIY mattress? No. I don’t know of anyone who sells these units direct to consumers, and even if those were available, they would be more complicated to DIY than a pocket coil unit. If you really want this though, you could buy a good quality bonnell coil mattress and place a topper of your choice on it. Some basic DIY mattress templates Consider these four templates as a place to get started. All of these are highly modifiable to your personal preferences and budgets. DIY memory foam mattress Price range for a queen: $300 - $750 Support layer: 6” of firm polyurethane foam Comfort layer: 3” of memory foam A cover of your choice The most basic modification on this would be to add a transition layer between the support and comfort layer. Consider 2” or 3” of a 28ILD latex. If you add this transition layer you could also drop the memory foam to just 2”. See the comment below by u/Duende555 about some of the pitfalls of a basic 6" + 3" construction like this. DIY latex mattress Price range for a queen: $800 - $1,200 Support layer: 3” of firm latex Transition layer: 3” of medium latex Comfort layer: 3” of soft latex A cover of your choice You can use dunlop or talalay or both for this mattress. You can make this mattress softer or firmer by making softer or firmer any of the three layers. If you want an even softer comfort layer you could do 2” of soft latex and 2” of super soft (14-15 ILD) latex. Or 2” of soft latex and 2” memory foam. DIY memory foam hybrid Price range for a queen: $600 - $1,200 Support layer: Pocket coils Transition layer: 1” or 2” of latex Comfort layer: 2” or 3” of memory foam A cover of your choice The main place for modification here is in the number of total inches and firmness of the latex and memory foam. You also have different options for the coil unit you want to use. DIY latex hybrid Price range for a queen: $500 - $1,200 Supper layer: Pocket coils Comfort layer: 3” of latex A cover of your choice The main place for a modification here would be with the addition of a transition layer. Instead of doing 3” of latex over coils, you could instead do 2” of soft latex over 2” of medium latex over coils. So should I DIY my mattress? Maybe. If you’ve read this far hopefully you are familiar with the pros and cons of the approach. If you’re willing to do the research needed and take on the financial risks -- then it might absolutely be the best approach for you. That being said, it’s entirely possible that DIY will require too much time and energy and it may just be easier to get a pre-built. That’s ok too! Update: What should I do if I made a mistake? After discussing potential mattress builds with lots of people, I have noticed a pretty clear pattern emerging that I think might be helpful to name explicitly: most people seem to have an instinct towards making a mattress that is simply waaaay too firm for their height, weight and sleeping position. Some of this is the result of it being hard to gauge how soft or firm a material is just from a description. Some of this is the result of age old mattress mythology that insists that a firm mattress is inherently better for you (it isn’t!). So with that in mind I wanted to offer a couple points of clarification: All four of the coil units available to DIYers are firm. The 8” QE coils are the softest of the four, but they are still very firm. Most side sleepers with a BMI < 30* (5’2/165lbs, 5’8/200lbs, 6’0/225lbs or so) would probably do better with a latex or polyurethane support layer than with a coil support layer. If you are using one of the coil units and have a BMI < 30 you probably should only be using soft or very soft foams on top of the coils. If you use a “medium” foam, the resulting mattress will likely be firm or very firm. If you use soft foams, the resulting mattress will probably be more like a medium or a medium-firm. *BMI is a totally worthless number for medical purposes -- but it is somewhat useful here for talking about weight distribution. Help! I made my mattress too firm! What do I do? To make a mattress softer you typically have three options: Use a softer support layer. If you’ve got a support layer that’s 3” of 46 ILD latex + 3” of 38ILD latex, you can take out the 3” of 46ILD latex, put the 38ILD layer on the bottom and then add a 34ILD layer in its place. Boom! Your mattress is now softer! Note that this method is probably off-limits to you if you’ve opted to use coils as your support layer, unless you have a mostly unlimited budget. Add a transition layer -- or use a softer one. Maybe your mattress is 3” of memory foam on top of 6” of polyfoam and it’s just too firm. Add 2” of a 28ILD latex between the polyfoam and memory foam for a softer feel. Thicken your comfort layer by adding more foam. This is basically the equivalent of putting a topper on your too firm pre-built. This one should probably be done last because you want to be careful not to make your comfort layer too thick. Help! My mattress is too soft! What do I do? Unsurprisingly the way to soften your mattress is more or less the opposite of the suggestions above. The good news is that because it’s a DIY mattress you can actually fix this problem -- whereas with a pre-built you really can’t. Use a firmer support layer. Again, likely off limits to you if you have opted for coils for your support layer. Remove a layer. Generally speaking more foam = softer. So you won’t “firm up” a mattress by adding more firm foam below. Removing layers of foam could help. I think the second most common problem I see with DIY mattresses is that people “overbuild” them with too much foam. Take out some of those extra foam layers to firm it up. submitted by /u/the_leviathan711 to r/Mattress [link] [comments]

Mikayla Murray went missing twelve years ago, on the eve of her 18th birthday. She didn’t have any big plans or anything, but her friends described her as having been in a particularly good mood for what was an otherwise perfectly normal Friday. She’d gone to school, soccer practice, work, and then came home for a night of movies with her kid brother, James. He was more excited for her birthday than she was. Even wanted to stay awake with her until midnight but, of course, had fallen asleep right away. When he woke in the middle of the night, he saw her headlights shining through his window and watched as they rushed down their country road, not knowing that it was the last he’d ever see of her. The poor kid was only five and would be forever tormented over why she’d left him, or why she’d never come back. It wasn’t until the sun came up on that cold Saturday morning that anyone realized something was wrong. Her parents entered her room to wish her a happy birthday, only to find her bed empty, car gone, and phone off. They’d started their rounds of calls to all Mikayla’s friends, but nobody had seen or heard from her. Panic really started to set in when Mikayla’s car was found abandoned on the side of a heavily wooded road, facing the wrong direction, practically in the middle of nowhere. There were no parks or hiking trails, nor were there any signs of a struggle, or any evidence of where she might have gone next. Until Mikayla’s parents followed that road on a map. They knew she had a boyfriend, Tom. He was a year older and had just gone off to college. He’d been trying to get Mikayla to come visit him but her parents forbid it. But if they hadn’t, this was the very road Mikayla would have taken to get there. So while Linda Murray filed the missing person’s report, Paul Murray sped on up that road, all the way to Tom’s university. Tom swore to him (and, later, the investigators) that he hadn’t seen her in weeks. That he’d been in his room studying that night. His roommate confirmed as much, with the added disclosure of having later gone home, where he’d then spent the weekend. The rest was uncertain. The police looked deeper into Tom and found strands of Mikayla’s hair in his car, which proved nothing foul, but it spooked him enough into admitting that he’d seen Mikayla more recently than he’d stated. That he’d picked her up late the weekend prior for a midnight drive. This sounded precisely like what had happened the night she’d gone missing, but police found nothing to substantiate it. Tom was eventually cleared as a suspect, and the Murrays would never let it go. They were certain he was involved in Mikayla’s disappearance. So certain, that Paul Murray spent several nights sitting outside Tom’s dorm, waiting to catch his daughter going in or out. Tom’s family wanted to press charges, but Paul had friends in the Sheriff’s Office, who’d assured the family that it would not happen again, and left Paul with a very stern warning. But being friends with law enforcement only went so far, as the case would soon go cold, with days, weeks, and months passing by without any further updates. The public moved on, while the people in Mikayla’s life were left with this dark cloud of uncertainty, wondering what had happened to her. If she was out there somewhere, alive. And she was. She was about to return home after more than a decade gone. Because I’m Mikayla Murray, and I ran away that night to start a new life. That’s what I told the Murrays, anyway. I had no fucking idea what happened to that girl. ——— I’m awful, I know. I’m not proud of myself. I was desperate. Homeless, and on the run. Smoking a pack a day. Sleeping with men from bars for money, only to spend it at another bar and do it all over again. I was stuck and needed a plan. Then I saw her face. Mikayla Murray. It was on a bulletin board at some cheap motel I’d been passing through. There were half a dozen girls on there, but Mikayla stood out, her blonde hair straight and pretty, her blue eyes as wide as her smile. It stopped me dead in my tracks, because she looked like me. Exactly like me. I could’ve swapped in one of my old high school photos and nobody would’ve noticed. Not that anyone was paying attention to this board or these girls anymore. Even the lady at the motel, who’d spotted me staring, said, “They ain’t comin’ home, dear, but I don’t got the heart to take’em down.” I was curious, enough to turn on the phone I’d kept in my bag just in case. My father had long stopped paying for it, but the motel offered free WiFi and I’d used it to read more about Mikayla. I learned that she was only two years older than me, and that the photo in the lobby wasn’t just a one-off. She resembled me in every other photo, of which there were many, along with theories about what had happened to her. I couldn’t have given any less of a shit about that rabbit hole. What got my interest were the earrings Mikayla wore in these photos, or the necklace her mother wore at the press conference, or the watch on her dad’s wrist. As I dug deeper, it became clear that the Murrays had money, a fair good amount of it. After entertaining Jerry from the bar (and stealing his jacket), I ripped a butt late that night and decided… one of those girls was coming home. And it was going to be me. The Murrays still lived in the same house, an hour west of the small Michigan towns I’d been nesting in, which worked perfectly, as I’d been toying with the idea of going back home to Chicago. It was a cheap way to justify the awful thing I was about to do, because in reality there was no fucking way I was actually going back home, even with Murray fortune in my pockets. It’s frightening what we’ll do to ensure we’re the good guys in our story. As I dished out a small chunk of my remaining cash to hop on a bus, I felt no hesitation, or fear. Sure it was risky, but I wasn’t planning on being there for more than a night. I’d done enough research on Mikayla to get in, find what I could take, and get out. I was going to beg the family to give me one day before alerting anyone that I’d returned. To let me rest in my own bed before being swarmed by whatever media Nowhere, Indiana had to offer. After miles and miles of cornfields, I’d hoped to have plenty of time to escape that wave. When the bus arrived at the station, I could’t help but notice how out of place it looked, like it had been copied and pasted from somewhere else, standing out among the run down outlets, shops, and restaurants. I spotted a seedy looking bar next to an even more questionable looking mechanic and thought about making a detour. I needed a drink. But I couldn’t. I had to make sure not to talk to anyone. I couldn’t risk being mistaken for the town’s longest missing girl, not here, not now. So when an older man approached me outside the station as I smoked one last cigarette, I’d panicked. He asked if I could bum him one, said that he really needed it. So I did, just to make him go away. Then he started rambling on about his car having broken down in this shithole and how he was stuck here until they fixed it. He told me his name and then asked me my mine. I told him it was Abby. It’s not. He said I’d reminded him of his niece back in Iowa, something I pretended was interesting. Maybe I can pretend to be her too, I thought. When I finished smoking, I wished him luck and set off for what I came here to do. I shoved the rest of my cigarettes and lighter deep into my backpack, along with my real identity, and when I turned down Lincoln Ave, I was no longer me. Or Abby. I was Mikayla Murray. ——— The Murray’s lived a pretty secluded life. Their home sat alone in the middle of endless planes, their neighbors barely dots in the distance. I was starting to understand why Mikayla might have run away. Although, the house itself was beautiful, with many protruding sections and gables, a wraparound porch, and a large, two-door garage. There was even an inground swimming pool out back (now covered and topped with autumn leaves), and a cute little gazebo further off in the field, draped in numerous flags and dreamcatchers, with flower pots lining the railings. It certainly didn’t look like the kind of place tragedy had struck. I stepped quietly up the stairs and was almost spooked by my own reflection in the glass of their front door. Nerves were definitely setting in now. I rang the bell and felt my stomach sink. What if my dirty-blonde hair wasn’t light enough, or if Mikayla had had some obvious birthmark I’d overlooked? I was sweating underneath my coat, unable to recall the name of the man I’d taken it from. When the door opened, my heart stopped. Linda Murray was standing there in her casual weekend wear, pleasantly confused. “Hello,” she greeted me. Then her face went white in an instant, like her soul had left her body. She shrieked and clasped her hands to her mouth, bursting into tearful exclamations. “Oh my god!” she kept repeating. She suddenly lunged forward and squeezed me tighter than I would have liked, her arms attempting to wrap all the way around my backpack. I stood there awkwardly, bracing all of her weight onto my mine, as she surely was about to collapse. The dog at her legs was barking madly, and, as Linda’s tears dropped onto my back, all I could think about was how pissed off I’d be had I gotten caught because the fucking dog didn’t recognize my scent. “What is it, Linda?” Mikayla’s dad called from somewhere inside. He soon appeared in the doorway, his button-up tucked into his jeans, and when saw my cold, pale face poking over Linda’s shoulder, he stumbled back. “What is this?” he gasped. His eyes went wide and his bushy grey mustache twitched. The dog was still barking, reminding me that I was in fact a stranger in this house. I smiled and said, “I’m home, Daddy.” I was trying to make myself cry, and if Linda had squeezed me any harder, I just might have. She held onto my sleeve as we let go, as though afraid her daughter would run off again. Paul Murray was still staring at me in disbelief, when something shifted in his face and he stepped forward. “Come here, baby girl,” he uttered. Linda passed me off like a toy she did not want to share. Paul pulled me into his arms and held even tighter than she had. We rocked back and forth for a moment. “I can’t believe it’s you,” he whispered. Linda rushed for the door and yelled inside, calling for her son James. “Come inside, baby,” Paul beamed as he released me, keeping a hand on my back and beckoning me inward. “It’s cold, come!” We moved into the foyer where Paul asked to take my coat, which I happily handed him. Now that I was inside, I could practically smell the bar on it. “Your bag, sweetie?” he added. I shook my head and said, “No, that’s okay.” He made a face and I worried it was suspicion, and then worried more that my worrying was the only thing suspicious. I had to settle down. I’d nearly jumped when Paul turned the locks and hit a button on the alarm system. It chimed louder than I would have expected. I wondered if all this had always existed or if it was a result of their daughter having slipped out one night, never to be seen again. One of her coats still hung on a hook by the door, untouched after all these years. Now mine hung next to it. Well, Danny’s or whatever. As we moved even further inside, I was blown away by how nice this place was, so much so that I’d slipped and let it show; nothing in this house was supposed to be surprising to me. It was hard not to be impressed by the high ceilings and book shelves, or the many sofas beside a grand marble fireplace, or the fact that this was just the room that branched off to all the other rooms, one they’d probably hardly ever used. As I continued to survey my surroundings, a figure high above caught my eye. It was James. He looked down over the railing and looked more flabbergasted than anyone to have seen me. At seventeen, he was now the same age his sister was when she vanished, only much taller, but with the same baby face. “Look, James! Look who it is!” Linda cried joyfully. “It’s sissy! Come give her a hug!” I wanted to puke. James didn’t move right away, and when he did it was this slow, cautious crawl. I figured surely, of all people, I’d have been safest around James. After all, he’d hardly ever known his sister. Yet the baby blue eyes behind his jet black hair were piercing into mine, searching for the girl he so dearly missed. I couldn’t think of what to say to him, and was distracted by the feel of the cigarettes in my bag. I needed one. “Hi,” was all he mustered, stopping at the foot of the stairs. “Hey goober,” I replied. I had no idea if that was something Mikayla ever called him, but neither had anyone else. James and I then did something resembling a hug and let go. Linda looked on, face red, still overcome with emotion. Paul was smiling at us. “Let’s go sit, yeah?” he suggested. “You look exhausted.” He wasn’t wrong. I couldn’t wait to sit down. There probably wasn’t a piece of furniture in this place less comfortable than the mattresses I’d been living on for the last decade. I held in my amazement as we marched from room to room, deeper and deeper into the house. Linda was still exhaling this stuttered, painful sob, and kept reaching to touch me in any way, a hand on the back or a light brush of the hair. It was annoying, but then again I’d never learned how to have a mother. When I shrugged Linda off, she looked heartbroken. It was at that moment that I finally began to feel like the asshole I knew I was. After passing through the kitchen and down another hall, we stopped in their second, larger living room. It was very open, the ceiling reaching all the way up to the third story, with photos lined as high as a ladder could reach. I followed Mikayla’s progression of school photos, remarking how eerily similar they were to mine, and how they were one photo short. There was an upper level beside us, where a grand piano sat in one corner, and a bar in the other, separated by yet another fireplace. I imagined how nice a Christmas tree must’ve looked in here, even during the day with the natural light coming in through the sliding glass doors to the back porch. Each Murray dropped onto a separate couch on the lower level. Paul gestured for me to sit next to Linda, who, of course, was eager to be next to me. James was slouched directly across, staring down at the ground. The rest of us were darting our eyes, waiting for someone to begin. Paul cleared his throat. “Let me just start by saying that… we’re not mad.” Linda was nodding feverishly in agreement. Paul went on. “We just want to know what happened.” Something inside my gut wrung. If my actual dad had showed even an ounce of this concern, I might not have run away myself. Instead, he took his brother’s side. My abuser. I dropped my head. “I needed to get out of here. I felt trapped. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, I just didn’t know what else to do. I’m really sorry...” It certainly wasn’t Oscar-worthy, but I wasn’t playing the long-con. I only needed to be passable long enough for me to swipe several of the items we’d passed along the journey to this room. Paul nodded slowly, gazing off somewhere over my shoulder. “Okay,” was all he said. It was somehow worse than anything else he could have said. For all I knew, Mikayla had had a great life here, with a loving family. Now I was making them feel responsible. Each of them was staring off somewhere, letting my story sink into their minds. I wanted to sink into the couch. “Where did you go, Mikayla?” Linda suddenly wondered. Paul leaned forward. “No, Linda. It’s okay. She’s not a little girl anymore. That’s her business. Listen baby girl, we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want. All that matters now is that you’re home, and you’re safe.” He reached for my hands and held on gently. It was strangely comforting. For the first time in my life, I’d felt cared for, and safe. In my short time there, I’d completely flipped my thinking. What if Mikayla was just another stupid teenager rebelling against parents who were only trying to protect her? What if she’d sneaked out to celebrate her 18th birthday with her college boyfriend at some frat party? What if he slipped something into her drink? Or if she got too experimental? What if someone offered her something she’d never tried before, and she took it? To be cool? To show off in front of her college boyfriend’s college friends? I’d spent my whole life wishing I had hers. What if she’d just left it? “You know what? I have an idea,” Paul said with a clap. “Linda, why don’t you go out and get stuff for pork sandwiches? I’ll cook up some tater tots? Yeah?” He was looking at me with raised eyebrows like I was supposed to know what the fuck he was talking about. So I pretended to. This must have been some sort of Murray tradition or Mikayla’s favorite meal. “That sounds great,” I replied. I tried to smile at James but it was clear he wasn’t ready to forgive his sister for abandoning him. Linda hopped up. “Mikayla, sweetie, do you wanna come with me?” I hated how often she was saying her name, and how she spoke to me like I was five. Before I got a chance to respond, Paul chimed in. “Hun, let her breathe. Run to the store, I’ll get things started here, and you,” he said to me, “go rest up. It’s gonna be crazy here by tomorrow. I just wanna have one night as a family first.” I could not have agreed more. Everything was going exactly as I had planned, maybe better. There was a really shiny, diamond-studded vase across the room calling my name, right next to an autographed jersey of some football player I’d never heard of. I was gonna walk out with one while wearing the other. “Go on up to your room,” Paul said to me. “We’ll come get you when it’s ready.” Linda pulled me in for another hug and kissed me on the side of the head. She looked over at James and saw that he was looking rather lifeless. She caught his attention and made a tipping motion toward her mouth, to which James replied, “I took them already.” He finally glanced my way, but it wasn’t quite the look I wanted to see. There was more than just betrayal in his eyes. Everyone broke at once and dispersed, Paul heading for the kitchen, and Linda making her way out. I grabbed my backpack and followed a sluggish James up the stairs, feeling good about how things were going so far. Until it occurred to me that I’d had no idea which room was Mikayla’s. It wasn’t something she’d ever have forgotten, not even after twelve years. James and I rounded the corner and were faced with a long, narrow hallway with several doors. I feared I was going to have to guess the right one, when James threw me a lifeline. “Hey,” he began. He’d stopped in front of his door and turned to me. “Do you want to hangout? Watch a movie or something?” Even this had come out tense, like he was being forced to ask. Then I remembered that this had been the last thing he and Mikayla had done together. “Yeah, sure,” I said happily. “I don’t think I’m ready to see my room yet anyway.” James nodded, and the knot in my stomach untwisted. When we entered his room I was surprised by how neat it was, so much so that it felt wrong laying my dirty bag down. James’ baggy jeans and messy hair gave me a totally different vibe, but his bed was made, the walls were bare, and the desk in the corner looked like it had hardly ever been used. The one window in the room had a perfect view of the setting sun beyond the fields. Its shadow cast a line between the pool below and the gazebo that was just barely visible from this vantage point. I heard a lock click. “We need to go, now,” James whispered. He let his neutral expression drop into one of panic. I watched in confusion as he rushed over to his closet and threw on a sweater, cursing under his breath as he did so. When he looked up at me again, it was like he’d forgotten I was there. “What are you talking about?” I demanded. James shook his head. “He knows. He knew the whole time.” My brain was automatically rattling off ways to salvage this, but there was no point. I was caught, and something other than my identity was bothering him. That made me nervous. “What gave it away?” I wondered. He looked at me like I was crazy. “Do you have any idea what’s going on here? He killed her! He buried her!” My heart stopped. “What?” That wasn’t in any of the theories I’d read online. Like everyone else, I had been so sure it was the boyfriend, Tom. It was obvious. But the look of fear washing over James’ face was hitting me as well. “How do you know that?” He took me by the arm and dragged me to the window. “Look,” he spat with a outward finger against the glass. Far beyond the covered pool sat the gazebo, lifeless and weather worn, with noticeable chips in its white paint. Only its right side was visible from behind the rest of the house. I could see the flags encircling its beams, waving calmly above a row of gardening supplies. James was breathing heavily as he stared out at it, his eyes fixed, even as he spoke. “He built it right after she disappeared. And we’re not allowed to use it. Calls it his garden. I climbed it once when I was ten and he beat the shit out of me. But I’ve seen him out there at night, a couple times. Spraying the plants. Fixing the dirt. And look—” He hurried to his dresser and rummaged through before pulling something out and jamming it into my gut. I reached down. It was a dirty, purple bracelet, all stretchy and rubber. It had Mikayla’s name on it. I played with it in my hand. “Remi dug that up last year,” said James. “Dropped it right at my feet. And I remember it! I remember her wearing it that night!” I stared at it and let it slide down onto my wrist, trying to find any counter to his theory. “You saw her drive off,” I reminded him. “I saw her car drive off.” There was a voice in the back of my mind telling me he was delusional. But the voice that believed him was louder, and much more afraid. I watched, mouth agape, as he struggled to tie his shoes. He kept messing up and starting over, spitting more curses under his breath. My thoughts were swirling. “James, why haven’t you called the police?” “Because I can’t!” It was louder than he’d intended. He stood up and recollected himself. “My dad is friends with the sheriff. If a cop pulls up, he’ll kill us. If I run, he‘ll—he’ll—kill my mom! I don’t even think she’d believe me!” I put my hands up to quiet him but the fearful cry he’d been holding in had burst out. He covered his mouth to push it back in, along with the snot and tears that were oozing out of him. He rushed over to his bedside drawer and picked up a bottle of pills, swiftly popping a few into his mouth. My chest was getting tighter. “Why can’t we just play along a little longer?” I said. “I’ll leave tonight.” “If we go downstairs, we’re dead. We were dead the second you got here. The police, the news, they’ll all be here tomorrow whether you’re here or not. They could find her. I could tell them. My dad might snap, like he did on Mikayla. You don’t understand, he’d rather die than get caught. And he’d take us with him, I know it. So we need to go. Out the window. Now. We’ll just run.” At that point, it no longer mattered to me if James was right or if he was out of his fucking mind. I wanted to get out of there. I looked out the window again. It was starting to get dark. I would’ve preferred a more casual escape over jumping off the roof, but if what he was saying was true then we had no choice. I was craving a cigarette more than ever, and that alone was almost enough to get me on that roof. “We could take a bus,” I said. “It’s how I got here. It’s only a couple miles that way.” “I know where it is. We just have to stay off the roads. We can use the fields for cover, and then once we—” There was a knock on the door. “James?” It was Paul. He tried turning the handle. “Everything all right in there?” Without hesitation, James ran for the window and opened it. I could hear the faint chime of the alarm from somewhere out in the hall. Paul’s jiggling of the locked door grew more aggressive. “What the hell is going on in there? Open the door.” When he started pounding on it, I threw on my bag and joined James, who was already halfway out the window. Together we scurried on the roof, hopped onto the back porch, and dropped down onto the rather large portico above the back door. I’d almost fallen down the side but James held me up. A loud crash came booming from back up in his room. I looked up. “Don’t stop!” James yelled. He jumped first onto the lawn, and I followed. Both of my feet and knees took the impact hard, the ground underneath the autumn foliage deceptively solid. James helped me up, and we took off running. Against his advice, I looked back and saw Paul peeking out James’ window. He shouted to us and then disappeared. James had already separated himself a good distance from me. I kept pushing my legs as he called back for me to do so, my backpack bouncing off my ass with each stride. There was a road in the distance, the same road I’d trudged along to get here. I could see where it met the orange and purple sky. It felt like it was never getting any closer. A gun shot rang loud, ripping across the plains. Paul was now standing by the back door aiming a rifle in our direction, his cries chasing us behind the gunpowder. Another bang and my legs buckled. When I’d reached the gazebo, I hid behind it to catch my breath. There was a sharp, debilitating pain in my side. I held myself up on one of the railings and thought I could feel my heartbeat vibrating against the wood. I swore if I’d survived this, I would quit smoking. I peaked around the corner and saw Paul hurry into the garage, James calling out for me by the road. But as I stood there frozen against the gazebo, flags caressing my shoulder, I thought about the girl buried underneath. What if James was right? What if nobody ever found Mikayla’s remains? What if we didn’t make it out of there, and nobody ever knew? I thought of my own story, unheard and not believed. When I’d told my dad what my uncle had done all those years, he hit me. I couldn’t let this story stay buried too. I took out my lighter and lit a flag, and then another. The fire burned slowly, picking up quick as it caught onto more flags and dreamcatchers, then down to the plants below. I stumbled back and watched the flames spread and dance along the darkening sky. I hoped, at the very least, it would be a distraction, and more so enough to attract law enforcement. I could hear Linda’s shrill voice crying out at the sight of it. She’d rushed around the side of the house with groceries in her hands, calling out for her husband who had just sped off in his truck. He was coming. I made one last dash for James, who was impatiently waving me on. He took my arm and led me across the road his father would soon be turning onto. We slipped into the cornfield and kept going until we heard the roar of an engine pass by. We froze until there was nothing but the wind, the pain in my side still nagging me. As dark as the sky had rapidly grown, it was even darker in that field, the corn towering over us, clinging to life as much as we were. Paul’s headlights were shining through from not much farther ahead. We waited in terror, for a crunch, or a shout, or, ideally, for the truck to zoom off. Another gunshot rang high into the air. I gasped and had to cover my mouth to quiet my breathing. “What are you doing with my son?” Paul called in a singsongy fashion. We could hear him walking about over the sound of his engine purring. “Where the fuck are you?” His footsteps wandered around, farther, closer, then farther again, separated only by the sound of swishing corn as he searched randomly along the outer edge. There was a pause, followed by a door slamming shut. Paul’s truck whirled and sped back down the road. I exhaled as James tugged on my arm and instructed to keep going. We pushed through more corn and followed along the road as best as we could. I never would have imagined being in this situation when I’d walked down it earlier that day. Now I was wishing I never had. Sirens suddenly wailed nearby, and eventually rushed past us. The glow of the flames had grown noticeably brighter in the distance, the smoke visible high above the fields. “Holy shit,” James gasped. “C’mon, we need to keep moving. Are you okay?” “Yeah...” I wasn’t. We shuffled farther through the corn, shoving it aside more aggressively as we went. I could hardly see more than a few feet in front of me. After a while, we could hear a steady buzz of passing vehicles, indicating that we’d reached the city, but also the end of the cornfields. We stepped out onto a road and into the glow of street lights. I felt like I could breathe again, for just a moment. “You ready?” he said. “We gotta move quick, but we gotta blend in.” I’d realized in that moment how truly young James was, and how insane I was for having put my life in his hands. I was twenty-eight, but felt just like the same little girl I was all those years ago, hoping her father would protect her. I’d only hoped James was better at it. We dashed across an empty street and then slipped into the downtown area. I kept my head down. Most of the businesses on the strip were closed for the night, but the bar I’d seen earlier was now glowing in its neon signs, which did a good job masking its otherwise unapproachable façade. There were locals standing outside having a smoke, drunkenly arguing about nothing. James and I crossed the street, and when we reached the bus station, I was relieved to see the lights were still on. This relief would not last. “Incoming only, folks,” the man at the desk told us. “You’ll have to wait until morning. Sorry.” I was already making my way for the exit. James caught up with me. “What are you doing?” “I’m getting the fuck out of here.” “What am I suppose to do?” He followed alongside me, being more conspicuous than I would’ve liked. I stopped and leaned in close. “I don’t fucking care. Come with me, or don’t. I’m leaving!” I was on the verge of crying, the lump in my throat growing larger. James stood there at a complete loss. I looked at him and saw the five year old boy who woke up that night all alone, the streetlights above shining in his eyes like the headlights he’d watched disappear. “I’m sorry,” I added. “I just wanna go home.” I couldn’t believe I had said it, and meant it. Then I realized James couldn’t go home. If my fire failed, he was going to be on his own, on the run, and homeless at seventeen. Just like I was. “They’re going to find Mikayla,” I assured him. “Then you’ll be safe.” He was trembling. “What if they don’t?” I had no answer, not one he would have liked anyway. Even if we’d made a call to the police that very moment, I could already see Paul going home and putting the rifle to Linda’s head before putting it in his mouth. I’d wondered if he already had. I think James did too. He leaned into me and started to cry. He was a whole foot taller than me, and boney, but I held onto him, not like I had with Paul or Linda, but with earnest. “Excuse me!” A voice suddenly called out to us. I was about to run when I saw a familiar face. The old man I’d smoked with earlier was approaching us from the mechanic’s lot next to us. His face twisted when he recognized me back. “Oh, it’s you! Abby, right? Everything all right over here?” James and I looked at each other but said nothing. An idea crossed my mind. “Actually no, sir. We’re stuck here too.” The man, whose name I’d forgotten, grinned. “Huh. Well. Car’s fixed! I’m about to head out if you guys need a lift. Where ya’ headed?” “Anywhere,” I begged. His smile faded. “Right. Okay. Sure. That’s fine. I’m gonna be driving west down 80 for a while, if that works for y’all.” “Yes,” I said. “That’s perfect.” James and I followed the man back to the lot and hopped into his old station wagon. I took the front. I thanked the old man repeatedly, even offered him gas money, but he refused it. Said he was happy to help. He introduced himself to a catatonic James in back, reminding me his name was Frank. My eyes kept darting between Frank’s and the rearview mirror he was periodically checking. James was huffing short, panicked breaths. I’d wondered if he needed his meds. We drove in silence for a while. You couldn’t see anything beyond the headlight’s path, just a deep empty void. The old man tried to spark up conversation, but neither James nor I were up for it. He’d asked if we wanted the radio on or off, if we were hungry, if we were cold, hot. Each time, I told him we were fine. He took the hint, and we drove for hours down the same stretch of highway having barely spoken. Until James had fallen asleep. “I know it ain’t my business, young lady, but are you sure you and your friend are okay?” Frank kept his voice just above the hum of the radio. I assured him once more that we were fine, even though my mind was still back on Lincoln Ave, wondering what had been happening that very moment at the Murray household. If the flames revealed the truth below, or if they were extinguished before they got the chance. I played an imagined scene in my mind over and over: the fire trucks, the inspection of the damage, Paul watching eagerly nearby, ready to run. The discovery of bones, the call to the Sheriff, the arrest of the man he’d known and tried to help all those years ago, or whom he might now have to hunt down. “Will you at least tell me your real name?” Frank asked, bringing me back to reality. We had so clearly been withholding truth from this poor man. All he wanted was just a small piece of it, maybe so he could justify the crazy thing he had done that day. I looked down at my fidgeting hands and noticed the purple bracelet still tight along my wrist, the pink lettering of Mikayla’s name flashing with every passing street light. I’d forgotten that I was still wearing it. I thought about how badly I wanted to give her the ending she’d deserved. The one she’d wanted for herself. An escape. Freedom. How easy it would have been to do it, to say her name. “It’s Rachel,” I uttered instead. Frank smiled at me. “Well, Rachel. It’s nice to finally meet you.” I let him drive us another hour. It was almost midnight. When I woke James to get out, he jumped. I had Frank drop us off at a cheap bed and breakfast, something I’d grown quite accustomed to over the years. I tried once more to pay him but he wound up giving me money instead. It wasn’t much, but the gesture alone was beyond kind. In spite of everything I’d been through that day and all that came before it, it wasn’t any less meaningful coming across someone as genuinely good as that man. I felt bad that I’d lied to him about my name again. ——— James and I shared a bed, sleeping head to toe beside a rattling air conditioner. I wouldn’t have slept anyway. I was plenty happy with the four hours I got. When I woke early the following morning, I stepped outside for a cigarette and enjoyed every moment of it. I’d quit another day. James was sitting up in bed by the time I went back inside, his hair an awful mess, his tired eyes red. He’d asked me what our plan was. He was impatient, and I understood. I told him that we should eat breakfast first and figure it out from there. It had almost been an entire day since I’d eaten last. When we entered the dining area, we saw that there were only a few other guests inside. I still wanted a table in back but James insisted we sit by the bar where a TV was playing the news. I gave in. He was worried about his mother, and I couldn’t blame him for that. I’d have been worried about mine too if she were still alive. I was really hoping this aspect of our lives remained different. James was glued to the TV, even as the waitress came and took our order. “You’re going to drive yourself crazy,” I told him as she walked away. He shook his head at me and kept his eyes fixed. We sat in silence as we waited for our food, and potential news. “Your coat,” James suddenly recalled. “You left your coat at my house!” I laughed, to which James blinked. “It’s not my coat,” I explained. “Whose is it?” “Some guy named Scott, I think. Maybe Jordan.” It wasn’t long before the waitress arrived with our meals. We‘d ordered the same thing, only my eggs were scrambled. There was something about the smell of bacon and home fries that brought comfort strong enough to make you forget that you were on the run. I moaned at the first bite. Probably could have eaten both plates. I even thought I saw a moment of calm in James’ face as he ate. The TV caught our attention. “Thank you, John. Authorities say they responded early last night to a fire in one very familiar Indiana home. The home of Mikayla Murray.” James nearly fell out of his seat. I dropped my fork and a home fry fell on the floor. “…Missing since 2008, Mikayla’s disappearance was one that rocked the small town of Millersburg, Indiana, but left many hopeful that she was still out there, listening. But when authorities found her car abandoned near the Elkhart River just miles from her home, friends and family began to fear the worst. Mikayla was gone, her whereabouts never discovered. Until now.” I wanted to turn back to James but was afraid of the look on his face. “When authorities cleared the scene last night at 1108 Lincoln Avenue, they made a shocking discovery that would answer a decade-long mystery, but spark a new one.” It cut to the sheriff’s press conference. He spoke matter-of-factly while cameras clicked all around him. “The fire department responded to a 9-1-1 call around 5 PM last night. There was a gazebo on fire in the yard of the Murray residence, and when we assessed the damage, we discovered a bunker hidden underneath. Upon further inspection of the bunker, we found the body of a young woman and child. We’ve indeed confirmed the woman to be Mikayla Murray, but have no further information at this time.” James squealed. “They found her?” I ignored him, my face sunken. Waitresses and patrons were noticing our panicked state. Something wasn’t right. She’d been buried under there for so long, there shouldn’t have been much to find. And a child? ”It is believed that Mikayla had been held captive inside the bunker since that fateful day twelve years ago. Until last night when, tragically, both she and the child suffered fatal smoke inhalation resulting from the fire. Authorities have yet to confirm the identity of the child, or who started the fire. Mikayla’s mother, Linda, is being questioned by police while federal officials search for her father, Paul, and brother, James, both of whom are now missing. If you have any information on their whereabouts, please call this number, and stay tuned for more on this story...” I couldn’t feel my body. I turned around and stared down at my shaking hands on the table, the world caving in on me. “What happened?” James cried. His breathing was heavy, his eyes bulging out of their sockets, staring at me, bewildered. I finally looked at him. “I killed Mikayla.” submitted by /u/Jcote12 to r/shortstories [link] [comments]

This week was my 1 year anniversary at my job since graduating college. I also just hit 50k net worth, which is staggering for me to even think about. I work in Software Engineering making 71k a year. It’s not my dream job, and I don’t think I’ll be here forever, but I’m happy enough right now, and I can’t complain about the salary. I’ve also had a side gig for almost 8 years now (just turned 23) playing piano at weddings and events and such. It's usually less than 5 hours of work a week and nets me somewhere between 6-10k a year depending on how many events I do. Background Thanks to some massive scholarships as well as the money saved from my piano job and some other internships, plus just a little help from my amazing parents, I was able to graduate with an engineering degree completely debt free, with just enough left over to buy a totaled and repaired car on the cheap (a risk, to be sure). So a year ago, I entered the work force pretty much without a dollar for or against my name. I also live with my parents. I'm not a super social person, and I wanted to spend some more time with my little sister before she goes off to college, so I decided to move back in with my parents. I'm very fortunate. They don't charge me rent, and we aren't very strict about accounting for food payments. I do try to pay for meals and groceries often enough that food evens out, and I do lots of chores and help out around the house to "atone" for my presence there, but honestly, I think my parents are just glad to have me around. I'm very fortunate in this regard. So, in the last year, I had a before tax income of ~80k, which taxes brought down to ~63k, I had zero debt or rent, and was able to save the vast majority of it, 50k, which is an after tax SR of 79% in my first year in the working world! Where did the other 13k go? In addition to the gas and car expenses, and the food that I try my best to pay for, it's hard not to be materialistic, especially when living with materialistic parents… I bought tons of books (I love reading), and splurged on a $3000 harp (I've wanted to learn the harp for years), and I have a pretty substantial collection of alcohol for making cocktails. And I do go out with my friends occasionally. Additionally, my parents love to go on vacation, and, living with them, it can be hard to not tag along. Overall, it's all stuff that brings me joy, so I think it's worth it to spend on, especially while I'm in a position where I can. The power of 50k at age 23 50k is an absolutely ridiculous amount of money to have saved this early in my career. At 6% returns, over 42 years for a traditional retirement at age 65, that comes out to $578k. After 1 year, I am shockingly close to already achieving a comfortable retirement. If I could do one more year of this, I'd be there. Since I am only 23, it's amazing to see how powerful this head start is, and how many options it affords me for my future. The cost of staying with my parents Given the massive amount of money I've managed to save, it's interesting to consider the "costs" of living with my parents for free. I do have a much longer commute than I would like, about an hour each way, which has the tangible cost of gas and wear on my car, and the intangible, but somehow more substantial cost on my sanity. There is the lack of freedom and independence, and at times, the lack of really feeling like a true adult. And there is the cost on my social life, which is mostly nonexistent due to Living far away from any source of young people Living with my parents… Lack of motivation for a non-socially oriented person like myself to find friends, given barriers 1 and 2. The cost of moving Since I value my sanity, freedom, independence, adultness, and hypothetical future friends, I have found myself thinking more and more lately about moving out and taking the next step. I eventually want to be a homeowner, but am not there yet, maybe in 5-10 years. So renting it is. Here is my hypothetical "cost of moving out" breakdown: Apartment + Utilities: $1,500 - $1800/mo (This seems to be about average for a 1 bedroom apartment in my area) Groceries + Food: $250/mo (This is about what I averaged in college, buying food from the grocery store and cooking it myself, a practice I look forward to continuing) Increased social activity: $150/mo (I'm just throwing this here as a baseline. If I know myself, I won't end up spending nearly this much, but it's interesting to think about how moving would probably cause an increase in spending in other areas.) Internet: $50/mo (I hate TV, so I wouldn't be buying cable) One-time moving expenses: Furniture: $2000 (I have no idea what this number should be. I'd need to buy couches and tables and shelves. I've already got a bed and kitchen supplies from my college apartment days) Decent electric keyboard: $2000-$5000 (I don't want to be the guy with the super loud acoustic piano in an apartment) So I'm looking at $1900-2200/month or ~23-26k/year, plus 4-7K in one-time expenses. I'll just call it 25k and 5k. That's pretty hefty, that's enough to slash my savings rate in half. Furthermore, that is worth potentially much more, given the assumption that I would invest those savings were I to not move out. 30k over 41 years (age 24-65) at 6% returns amounts to a whopping 327k for a traditional retirement. However, if I were to FIRE at the respectable young age of 35 (which I probably won't do), it is a much less whopping 60k, only a 2x increase. Since my savings for the next year would be reduced to 20k, the 60k effective cost for moving out for just one year would be roughly 3 FIRE years. Over time, my SR would be able to increase with my salary, and the "effective cost" of each successive year's lack of savings would decrease as the FIRE year draws nearer, but it's amazing to see the power of early saving played out in a few hypothetical numbers. Conclusion So it's an interesting decision. Living with my parents has likely saved me untold financial stress, and will allow me to FIRE years early, but is not without its own costs. But on the other hand, perhaps ridding myself of the "costs" of my parental living right now is worth the incredible cost. Purchasing freedom and independence is, after all, what FIRE is all about. ​ *Disclaimer: My intent here is not to brag nor really even to seek advice, but rather to celebrate and add voice to the conversation about the benefits and drawbacks of cheaper, but less ideal living situations in order to save money. submitted by /u/PotCallingKettleJack to r/financialindependence [link] [comments]

If anything, I just hope someone appreciates the time I spent formatting. submitted by

Hi r/personalfinance. I posted something similar to this a while back and accidentally deleted it before it got much traction. I really wanted to share my story with you guys because my life has changed so much in less than five years. I never imagined that I could be financially stable and enjoy the freedom that comes with it. I had such a mental disconnect when it came to budgeting and spending. If I can get my head out of my ass, anyone can. (I'm in the US for reference) Four years ago, I was a 27 year old woman with a decent career. I had graduated college a couple of years early at 19 and immediately found a job in my field. I'd been working for 8 years, steadily receiving an annual pay increase every year since I started. When my computer broke and I needed a new one, I headed to the store with stars in my eyes. At the time, the laptop that I wanted cost around $900. I had nowhere near that amount in my savings account, but surely I'd be able to finance it. I remember very clearly standing in front of a clean-cut kid ten years my junior, against a background of sleek, glowing screens as he told me that my application for financing had been denied and he was sorry, but there was nothing else that could be done. I had to face reality. I was broke. Even making $50,000 a year and with no student debt, I had somehow gotten myself in financial dire straits. That year, I moved in with roommates to try to save money and even when I cut my rent in half, my situation did not improve what-so-ever. I had several very high interest (25%) credit cards totaling about $10k and I owed around $3k on my car which I was paying 14% interest on. I was living paycheck to paycheck, I had no money in the bank and my credit was abysmal. I began to think that some people just aren’t "good with money” and that was it for me. Well really, to be honest, I just tried not to think about it at all. If I had money in the bank, I spent it. Instead of working to fix that situation, I worked harder at making money. I got a second job and put in more hours. I was working myself to the bone and I was burning out before turning 30. It was around that time that I met my future husband, J. He could see how tired I was with my job and encouraged me to quit and pursue something that I really wanted. I explained that, in my financial situation, there was no POSSIBLE way that I could afford to make any less money. He started to inquire about my finances and, of course, was surprised to see what a mess I was in. However, being someone who was financially savvy, he assured me that my debt was not insurmountable and vowed to start me on a path to financial stability. Now, a couple of years later, I work in a different field doing something that I really love. I make a little less money, but I work a lot less and I am happy to say that the stresses of my old life are a distant memory. Last year, I actually took a hiatus from work to travel abroad. Even on a reduced income, I have five figures in my bank account, a new car and a credit score well above 700. Getting control of my finances changed my life significantly because it allowed me the freedom to live how I want to without the constant pressure of working to pay my bills. I am certainly not rich, nor am I a financial guru, but I would like to share a couple of things that I have learned throughout the course of this journey. First, if you want to change, you can’t ignore your situation. I was the queen of ignoring. If I thought my bank account balance was getting low, I wouldn’t look at it. If I missed a credit card payment, I didn’t want to see the late fee. I would forget about it. I didn’t look at my credit report because I didn’t want to see all of that red. And in the beginning, when J was trying to set me straight, it was hard. There were a lot of fights because I refused to look the issue in the face. I’d do literally anything else before I would sit down and call my credit card company. Admitting that I had been stupid with my money and committing to actively change was very difficult for me, but obviously extremely necessary. Second, consolidate and stay organized. One reason things got so bad in the first place was that, in my early twenties, I couldn’t keep up with my credit cards. I couldn’t remember which ones I had paid or when the promotional rates expired and I had no method for keeping track of bills. Once I missed a payment and the interest shot up to 25%, I felt helpless and didn’t want to look at the statements anymore. The very first thing that J and I did was consolidate my debt so that it was easier to manage. We went to a local credit union and took out a consolidation loan using my car as collateral. Credit Unions are a good place to start because they are small and locally owned. You can sit down face to face with someone and talk to them about your situation and I found that they were willing to help. They gave me a loan that paid off all of my credit card debt, so now I only had to pay them each month instead of making payments on four different cards. The interest rate was high, but for the first time, all of my debt was in one place. I set my payment to auto-pay and put it on the back burner. Third, pay attention to those offers in the mail. After I had consolidated my credit card debt and had been making regular payments for about 6-8 months, my credit score started to improve and I began receiving credit card offers in the mail. Eventually, I was getting offers for a 0% balance transfer. I picked a card with no annual fee, a low transfer fee and 0% interest for 12 months. (BTW, I couldn't pay off my credit union loan with a credit card. I needed a card that would give me cash that I could use to pay the credit union. This is a thing I didn't even know existed, so examine all of your options) By this time, I had a spreadsheet with all of my bill pay and credit card information so I made sure to make a note of when my promotional rate expired. I transferred all of my high-interest debt to a 0% credit card and then, a year later, just before that rate expired, I moved it to a new card at 0%, so that I had several years to pay of the balance without paying any interest. Finally, and for me, this was most important, pay attention to your spending. I used to HATE looking at my bank statement - mostly because I knew I would feel bad or guilty about the low (sometimes negative) balance. Once my situation became more stable and I started saving money, the opposite happened. I felt proud and I wanted to look at my account and see a growing savings. In turn, this made me more frugal and I started to become very aware of how much money I was really throwing away. Clothes were my weakness. My closet was overflowing with cheap “retail therapy” items. Now, rather than buy cheap clothes every time I go to the store, I allow myself to buy one luxury clothing item from a high end store a couple of times a year. I've changed a lot of my habits and reduced spending in almost every area that I can. We also live very frugally, in general. We set a budget every month and stick to it religiously. I could go on for another three pages just about budgeting but that will have to be a post for another day. Most of the furniture in our house was purchased second-hand and we rarely go out to eat or make large purchases, since we prefer to spend our money on travel. I never thought I'd be a financially stable person. I never imagined that I would enjoy budgeting or checking my bank account balance but once I discovered how much freedom I could have by making small, meaningful changes, I feel like the whole world has opened up to me. I hope I can inspire someone else to do what I dreaded for so long. It is possible to fix things even when you've lived with bad habits for a long time. Edit: Wow. Thank you for all of the awesome responses. It seems like so many people have been in this same spot and have good things to share. I wanted to post an update because a lot of people have asked the same questions about specifically what to do to cut spending. Maybe this sounds cheesy, but it's an honest answer. My entire approach to life has changed. Changing my spending habits has been a fight against my own values. Initially, it feels depressing to work hard and still drive a beat up car, wear the same clothes more frequently than you want or stay in six nights a week when your friends are going out. But when you restrict yourself, slowly, the things you find important start to change. You begin to discover that having stability is more fulfilling than having THINGS. When you can learn to find great joy in a free walk through the park,teaching yourself a new skill or how to cook a new dish from scratch, you start to feel that spending money on things is a distraction from many interesting facets of life. So my advice in that regard is this - look at your bank statement and HONESTLY examine every item that is not a bill payment. Last month on my statement, I only had four charges that were not bills and they were each less than ten dollars. Find free ways to spend your time that you find engaging and interesting and take time to truly examine and appreciate what life has to offer beyond consumption. submitted by /u/Nica-sauce-rex to r/personalfinance [link] [comments]