Sleeping Bag For Camping

... 11 pm. We are going camping starting tomorrow and I dread... gave me a 12x16x48 golf bag box for free. So much... synagogue work, watered plants, prepped camping gear (I have a two... til next week. Am not sleeping much.

... foot pump) and "warm weather" sleeping bag; along with full-around window shades....amazon.com/dp/B0D2NQ4GQZ The sleeping bag was a bit "clingy", I'd... something better for serious car camping: https://www.amazon.com/dp...

... were just out there in sleeping bags in the rain. I... kept in a shoe when camping, but I kept picking up... dog just erupted off my sleeping bag and went after the bear. ...

... Person, 3 Season Shelter for Camping Adventures - £179.99 Vango... ACTIVE ERA 2 Season Mummy Sleeping Bag 10°C (150 GSM ) -...

... while my whole house is sleeping in. DH is WFH today... in 1 bag for the night at my parents, and then the camping stuff...

we went camping a few weeks ago! Our tent was big enough to have the pack-n-play in it, which I recommend. She slept great in it, with her toddler sleeping bag. A toddler camping chair was really nice to have, she ate all her meals in that. I really wish we had a sound machine to block out the noise of the other camper at night. Bring food you know they’ll eat, and lot of snacks!

... withstand high winds; ideal for camping, hiking or festivals MANY FEATURES... for trekking and day trips Sleeping area 2.9 m2; awning... 3,000 mm; including carrier bag with a zipper, guy ropes...

... 2-Person Foldable Outdoor Camping Tent Cot with Air Mattress and Sleeping Bag for $249... ventilation to have a comfortable sleeping experience • Equipped with a foot..., an air pillow and a sleeping bag • Elevated sleeping platform can keep away from ... with a free wheeled bag for easy transport and carrying • Ideal for camping, hiking, fishing and...

... Camping Cot for Adult 28" Extra Wide, Heavy-Duty 1200D Oxford Cot for Sleeping..., Portable Folding Camp Bed with Mat & Carry Bag for... $53.99. Shipping is free. About: Foldable camping cot... steel frame support Extra-wide 28" sleeping surface for added comfort Reduces ..." Includes carry bag for easy transport Suitable for camping, travel, and guest sleeping https://www...

...resting area for road trips, camping adventures, and quick breaks ...gaps and create a flatter sleeping surface, helping improve comfort ... and durability. The central sleeping area uses a stretchable foam...packed inside the included storage bag. Xiaomi also includes two ...a more complete sleeping setup. The pillow storage bag serves a dual...used as an air replenishment bag when needed. Xiaomi notes ...

... without a car? We went camping with our neighbours just after... she’s scrimped again in the sleeping arrangements! This woman will never ...learn. 1 airbed ?? Plus 2 Sleeping mats ? They are mainly to ... what’s she’s done, she thinks camping is a cheap solution for ..., cool box, bbq and cool bag, tarpolin, a windbreaker, 2 big ... an absolute fortune to go camping when you need to factor ...

....) Camping can be wonderfully sexy. 2.) Pepper Parker blindfolded and nearly-naked in a sleeping bag... blindfolded and nearly-naked in a sleeping bag being EROTICALLY TICKLED by either ...

....) Camping can be wonderfully sexy. 2.) Pepper Parker blindfolded and nearly-naked in a sleeping bag... blindfolded and nearly-naked in a sleeping bag being EROTICALLY TICKLED by either ...

.... 【Professional Design】The sleeping bag is waterproof and weatherproof.... more convenient. Our sleeping bag measures 86"L x...Carry】Unlike down sleeping bags, Our envelope sleeping bag is easy ...sleeping bag without sleeping bag liner in multiple weather conditions. It's a perfect sleeping bag for Outdoor camping... trips, Boy Scouts or mountain hiking，also works as camping...

... Prime Members: 4" TaskStar Self-Inflating Camping Sleeping Pad w/ Electric Pump &..., polyester Model: SSD05B Includes: Self-inflating sleeping pad Inflating foam pillow Built-in... Inflation & storage bag for pad Pillow storage bag User manual Features... Compresses to fit in carry bag and airplane overhead bins R-Value...

... for camping in these conditions ... a thermal sleeping mat, and a decent sleeping bag (3-seasons...

... 28" GVDV 1200D Portable Folding Camping Cot w/ 2-Sided Mattress (Blue... various terrains 75" x 28" sleeping surface suitable for adults Ergonomic... and sleep quality Ideal for camping, guest accommodations, office naps, and... seconds Includes a carrying/storage bag for easy transport and storage...

... get a free staff wristband, camping, and food included; I was... went to bed, in my sleeping bag, inside my zipped-up tent, and ... wrist. It wasn’t in my sleeping bag. I pulled every single item ...

Last year was my first camping experience at Le mans and ... year it will be another camping stay at the track. I... say last years camping experience was all that comfortable. Sleeping bags are... if you turn around the bag turns with you so you.... I will use my two sleeping bags again this year but ...

... recommend the normal accoutrements for camping, including tent, sleeping bag, sleeping pad, and several lanterns...

... called the T4 EXP. The bag packed up is a foot ... material which is nice for sleeping in, and has all of ... hub design. I find Roam's bag to be much better. Seems ... tents, Gazelle T3X for summer camping solo or with just one ...

Ok, so I have realized that we have unintentionally been camping the right way (either during the week or during the off season). We took a family/group camping trip to Pinnacles N.P. last weekend and it actually wasn't too bad. Our Campsite was amazing, there was a ton of wildlife, and the amenities were in good condition. My complaint has to do with neighboring campers (of course). There was a very large group with many kids. I think they were having a family reunion and they were basically acting as if they were in a night club until we decided to walk over (at 11pm) and remind them of quite time and ask them to please let others sleep. I'm talking, music, copious amounts of alcohol; including shots, screaming children, loud conversations, mini leaf blowers, and lights everywhere. Oh! And no surprise, they left their trash bags unattended so critters got into them and scattered trash everywhere. I just don't understand how people can be so inconsiderate.😩 There are signs everywhere that state the quite hours and that Pinnacles specifically is a night sky park. Due to the heat this weekend we wanted to make sure to get up early for hiking and thanks to them we weren’t able to sleep untill 11:30. I also just don't get people who choose to camp and then act like they are in the city. I can of course also thank our wonderful administration for cutting funding so that almost nothing is enforced due to lack of staffing. To their credit at least they got quieter after we spoke with them and we're not quite as obnoxious the second day. Although, then a second family came in besides them and let their older children scream bloody murder until 10 on the dot. I literally overheard them telling their children to be quite and the kids responded "We have 2 minutes till 10!" and proceed to scream for no reason. My kid would have been knocked upside the head (I don't hit my kids btw). 😅 Anyways, I learned some things. I think I will stick to car camping in the Fall and Winter. Couple photos of our great site and Balconies hike. submitted by /u/CommercialCow5484 to r/camping [link] [comments]

On June 9th at 4:44 pm I peacefully watched my sweet brindle girl take her last breath next to the San Miguel River. She was tired, she was in pain and she had let us know she was ready. With 15 years of adventures in the mountains under her little paws ,she made it across the rainbow bridge. I learned so much about my self thanks to her. When we first met I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want a dog but we were meant to be. I was so worried about bringing this tiny creature into the cold mountains of Colorado at the time,but she thrived; she belonged here. She taught me so much about my self, she was my best friend and adventure buddy. My very first encounter with unconditional love. I’m a better person today because a mini brindled pit-y came into my life, pressed her little wet nose against my leg and hid at the bottom of my sleeping bag in every camping trip. She was wild, stubborn, super silly and full of energy. At 18 pounds usually the smallest of the bunch but the biggest in personality. She was always ready for adventure, was always the last dog to get tired and the first to wake up in the morning. She stole my heart. She was deeply loved and she’ll be deeply missed. In the end it’s absolutely worth the heartache. Adopt a dog and let them change your life for the better. submitted by /u/WestEndPiper to r/rainbowbridge [link] [comments]

Hello guys, I've just spent a miserable first night in my tent and am looking for advice - 1. general tips, and specifically 2. advice from other thin women who tend to freeze absurdly. I'm new to camping and am planning a hiking trip with expected temperatures around 5-10 C. Therefore I bought a thermarest neo air xlite (R value 4.5) and a Decathlon down sleeping bag with a comfort rating of 0 C, and pitched my tent in the garden. Woke up at 10 C and had to go inside (after trying to endure by upgrading to my warmest alpaca wool sweater and fleece pants) ...well should have guessed that, as I usually sleep indoors at 18 C with a down duvet, another blanket on top, a down sleeping bag as a third layer and thermal underwear. Haha. When laying down, I can feel my circulation slowing down until I stop generating any body heat and reach a dead-like state. Unfortunate, because I'd ideally like a sleeping bag under 1 kg and 500€. Does anyone feel the same and can recommend a sleeping bag that actually keeps you warm? Edit: Thank you so much for your recommendations and tips! Super helpful submitted by /u/EquivalentFox3623 to r/Ultralight [link] [comments]

submitted by /u/VinlandRocks to r/CampingGear [link] [comments]

EDIT: This was written before the announcement of Heeseung's departure and makes no reference to that. If there are blank spaces, it is because that is where photos were (proofs and screenshots), but this sub does not allow for photos to be added to the body of text. Please take this with a grain of salt. My attempt at humor may not be everyone's taste and that is okay. Generalizations may be made, but not meant to be deep. This is based on my lived experience. Obviously when i say c-fans and you have two cousins in China who aren't like that, i am not talking about them. This is long. You are not obligated to read it, but if you do, I am grateful! Please share your thoughts! Save for later :) Synopsis I’ve been a K-pop fan since 2016. Specifically BTS. I was what you would call an International Stan, which is really just a fancy way of saying emotionally invested but geographically blocked. I still am an i-fan, of course, but less so in recent years. This is the story of exactly that. People think they understand what it’s like to be a k-fan because they visited Seoul for 10 days and bought 3 albums at Myeongdong. Sweet. Adorable. But living in East Asia as a fangirl? That’s a completely different psychological experiment. As an international fan (especially an American one), your experience is… controlled. Safe. Curated. You get a concert. Maybe a hi-touch if the gods are smiling. Possibly a video call fansign if your bank account sacrifices itself. And then you go home. You shower. You return to normal society. There is distance. Healthy distance. You are limited to asian twitter stans keeping you updated on the day-to-day, should you even care. I would argue geography is the only thing preventing many I-fans from becoming sasaengs. I said what I said. We have boundaries because we have oceans. K-pop is a bubble and your direct environment doesn't live in it. Chapter 1 When I first started stanning, I lived in Europe. Then in 2018 I moved to South America. Then in 2019 I moved to the U.S. Then COVID said “actually no” and I went back to South America after 11 months. Basically, I was doing a world tour. Unlike my faves. Fast forward to 2023. I move to China. And this! This is where the villain origin story begins. Now, up until this point, I had a very normal i-fan life. I had seen Blackpink on their Born Pink tour in Abu Dhabi. My only k-pop concert. And it came about simply because I happened to be in the same place at the same time. Coincidence. The rest of my fangirl life was limited to shoddy weverse livestreams and reruns of Run BTS. BTS goes on group hiatus and I, like many people, miss the chaos of group dynamic. And so i diversify. A hybe stan has been born. TXT, Enhypen, Seventeen, Boy Next Door, &team. After a while, The Boyz, P1Harmony, NCT127 and Zico join the ranks. My multi-stan portfolio. Now I’m in Beijing. Two. Hours. From. Seoul. Suddenly the forbidden fruit is within reach. Artist appearances? Possible. Encore concerts? Possible. Offline fansigns? Possible. Comeback shows? Possible. Airport sightings? Apparently… very possible. At first it doesn’t even register. This life never existed in my brain before. I was a “wait for the world tour” kind of girl, even though i never actually went to the world tour. But i'm here now and it takes a while before all of this registers in my brain. Chapter 2 Now let’s talk about China. Because we have the firewall. To access “outside” sites, you need a VPN. Which I am using right now to expose myself. This becomes important. Six months in, I’m settled. I’m thriving. I’m now tuned in to Weverse notices like it’s the stock market. Enhypen announces their new tour: Walk The Line. I am a newborn Engene. Fresh. Fragile. Delusional. I buy my first membership ever. I feel official. Legitimate. Recognized by the universe. Ticketing opens. I study Global Interpark like it’s the LSAT. And then… They start cracking down on bots. Which sounds amazing in theory. Except I am not a bot. I am simply a girl. In China. With a VPN. Which the system cannot emotionally differentiate from a criminal. I fail. The site blocks me. My dreams? Also blocked. I give up because I don’t even know what I’m missing yet. I have never truly experienced much k-pop in real life so emotionally, i am fine. At this point, I have not yet joined chinese social media like Douyin and Xiaohongsu. Then summer hits. Enhypen’s Tokyo shows are announced and I hear Japanese ticketing is basically the Hunger Games. I think to myself, chances are low but never zero. I give it a shot. And then somehow (for reasons i do not know but i also don't care about), the Japanese site does NOT clock my VPN. God intervened. I get tickets. I am going to my first Enhypen concert. In Tokyo. I am levitating. I fly in for a 3 day trip. I arrive early because this is Japan and I don’t know the social rules at these concerts and I refuse to accidentally disrespect anyone’s lightstick etiquette. Ajinomoto Stadium. I am here. I sit down. I have a terrible view, but I am on a high! Start talking to my seatmate. And within 5 minutes of looking around I realize… My entire section is Chinese. Every. Single. Person. And it makes sense. The Japanese site allowed access. So we all migrated like emotionally unstable birds. The girl next to me? YingYing. Her bias is Jay. How do I know? Not because of the GIANT fan she carries with his face on it. But because she is the ONLY PERSON in our otherwise polite, composed Japanese stadium screaming his name. I start a conversation and thankfully she speaks a bit of English because my Mandarin is abysmal. I immediately clock her get-up. My girl has binoculars. She has multiple sources for hydration. She has a decorated lightstick. She has two phones. She has two powerbanks. She hands me a freebie. An experienced k-pop stan. My first encounter in the wild. Meanwhile, I am there. With nothing. I had planned to buy a lightstick at the venue but apparently you were supposed to buy it on Weverse and pick it up at the venue, which I did not know. My single powerbank has died already so I stop recording the concert because I still need my phone to get home. I don't know many things at this point. My single bottle of water had finished hours earlier so at this point I am withering away in the scorching heat. YingYing. We exchange info. We bond. It’s beautiful. Concert ends. Life is good. Now here’s where things shift. Chapter 3 I have some friends in Seoul from my days at uni. I had been to Seoul 3 times before my big move to Asia to visit them, get plastered on soju and update my face. I start flying to Seoul monthly. Not for idols. For vibes and to give in to my insecurities and succumb to beauty standards. There is something about being in this city and just seeing ads all over with your fave's face on it, hearing your favorite music outside, seeing people with photocards on their bag, that just hits different. The bubble i mentioned earlier. I am in it. The bubble has burst. There is no such thing as a bubble here. At the Beijing airport, I start to notice something strange. The check-in line always full of girls. No luggage. Just massive professional cameras. I land in Seoul. Arrivals is packed. Clearly someone is coming. And I stay. Because curiosity is my fatal flaw. And out walks Seventeen’s The8. Looking fine, might I add. He walks. The girls run. It’s chaos. He leaves. And then I witness something that changes my brain chemistry forever: The girls… go back to departures. They fly back. They flew to Seoul. To see him walk through an airport. And then flew home. I am standing there holding my carry-on, questioning my entire understanding of devotion. I have flown Beijing–Seoul 16 times and they are always there. Always. Locked in. Cameras ready. No luggage. Just commitment. My mind is blown. Meanwhile, I’m living peacefully as an Engene. Nothing has really changed for me yet since my first experience. It's still not clicking in my brain. I'm still a normal i-fan. And then I see Enhypen will be in China. For a fansign. And I think to myself: “Oh how nice. I’ve never been to one. That would be cute.” Oh. Sweet. Naïve. Me. Chapter 4 The updates for this fansign are posted on Weibo. And thus begins my descent into Chinese social media. I download the apps. I make the accounts. I step through the digital gates like: “I’m just here to look.” Famous last words. The eligibility is simple. Classic K-pop capitalism: The more albums you buy, the higher your chances. I don’t even attempt it. I am not an album hoarder. I am not building a shrine. What am I supposed to do with 50 identical albums? Tile my bathroom? No. But then I see something. The Polaroid fansign. One-on-one. You and your favorite member. A photo. Intimate. Exclusive. Tangible delusion. Apparently, you can just… pay. Oh. I am an adult. I have adult money. I can absolutely pay to take a Polaroid with the cutie that is Jungwon. I begin justifying it immediately. “This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.” “This is cultural research.” “I live in Asia now.” Then reality slaps me across the face. Jungwon: $15,000. Fifteen. Thousand. Green. American. Dollars. I close the page so fast I nearly sprain my thumb. Listen. I might be crazy. But I am not fifteen-thousand-dollars-for-a-polaroid crazy. However. If this had been Jungkook? That is a different internal conversation. But I am saving for the BTS World Tour that will one day resurrect me spiritually. More power to you, Chinese Engenes. But now? Now I’m on Chinese socials. I’m tuned in. LOCKED in. And here’s the plot twist: I can access ticketing sites for Hong Kong. Macau. Taiwan. No VPN drama. No Interpark trauma. Just vibes. And so my real journey begins. I go. See. Everyone. Casual fan? I’m there. Die-hard stan? I’m there. Group I barely know three songs from? I’m seated respectfully. During 2025 I see: BoyNextDoor, TWS, IVE, Aespa, Stray Kids, Close Your Eyes, AHOF, MEOVV NMIXX, NCT Wish, NEXZ, Hearts2Hearts, KiiiKiii, ZEROBASEONE, The Boyz, Ha Sungwoon, Cravity At this point I am not a fan. I am infrastructure. I am frequent flyer platinum. I am scanning schedules before managers. I am HER. Now. Let’s talk about Chinese fan culture at concerts. There are no rules. No etiquette. No mercy. If you collapse in the front row, you will be stepped over like a minor inconvenience. Do not get between a girl and her fancam. We do not scream. We do not dance. We DEFINITELY do not wave lightsticks wildly. You may bring your lightstick. But it is decorative. It is not to obstruct the 4K zoom lens. We live for the fancam. And because most of the shows I attended were seated? I survived. Untouched. Unproblematic. For now. Chapter 5 Then. Enhypen announces encore concerts in Seoul. Remember how I was blocked from Korean ticketing because of VPN discrimination? Exactly. So I don’t even try that hard. But I am now spiritually bonded to Weverse. No notice escapes my household. And then. The raffle notice drops. Raffle? I’ve never entered one. I’m about to ignore it because again, I will not be bulk buying albums like I’m restocking a warehouse. Then I read carefully. Membership holders. Only. Months ago, in a moment of delusion, I bought the Engene membership. It has been sitting there. Unused. Judged. Forgotten. This is my redemption arc. I enter. I win. I WIN. No Interpark. No VPN warfare. God said: “Fine. You’ve suffered enough.” Not only do I win. I win soundcheck. My first ever soundcheck. This. This is the concert that awakens my inner bitch. Because up until now? I am nice. I mind my business. I am an extroverted introvert. The girls who get it, get it. The concert is standing. I hate standing concerts. I despise them. But for Enhypen? We endure. The ticket has a zone number and an entry number. I do not know what this means. I show up early at KSPO Dome because this is my first Korean concert and I am determined to be culturally respectful. Immediately I notice: Everyone is Chinese. A few scattered foreigners. The rare Korean. But mostly? My people. I feel a strange kinship with c-fans. I too, am now 'from China'. Then I start observing. The platform shoes. Six inches minimum. Structural engineering marvels. And the phone rental lady. With literal suitcases of phones. I am staring at her like she’s a mythical creature. Time to line up. My number is 101. Here is what I did not understand: 101 means I must be the 101st person in line. It is self-regulated. Self. Regulated. I accidentally stand too far forward and the girl with a lower number looks at me like I just committed a felony. The shame. I quietly reposition myself to my legally assigned spot. Everyone in my line is Chinese. At this point I feel adopted. We enter. And somehow I secure third row from barricade. I have never been this close to a stage in my life. The C-engenes around me seem nice. For now. Then she arrives. The girl behind me. Within seconds I know this is going to be war. Nothing is happening yet. We are just standing. Why are you pushing me? Soundcheck starts. And this girl is attempting to merge her body through mine to reach Jungwon. While yelling his name in the most unhinged baby voice you can imagine. “Jungwonnnnnieeeee~” I feel my soul leaving my body. I politely ask her to stop pushing me. Twice. She does not. I cannot move. I am compressed. I am experiencing crowd-based suffocation. The girls around me do not move. Jake says: “PUT YOUR HANDS UP!” Absolutely not. Hands stay DOWN. Arms glued to sides. We are statues. We are filming. Dancing is illegal. Breathing is optional. I survive almost the entire concert before I surrender. I politely ask if I can pass through to leave. And for the first time all night? They smile at me. Great concert. Terrible concert experience. Chapter 6 I return to China. Deflated. Emotionally bruised. Spiritually aged. I look in the mirror and whisper: “I am too old for this.” Like I just came back from war. But then. A thought. If Chinese fans can’t access ticketing sites from China… Why was the venue in 87% Chinese? Not everyone won a raffle. Not everyone is God’s favorite. So what is happening. Who would know? YingYing. I had completely forgotten about YingYing, Jay’s personal hype machine, but I message her like: “Hey bestie. Hypothetically… how are y’all everywhere?” She replies immediately. Turns out she went to the Seoul concerts too. Of course she did. So I unload. I air out my grievances like I’m filing a formal complaint with the universe. How do C-fans get tickets? How are they at every fansign? How do they always know schedules before Weverse even blinks? Why are they omnipresent? Are they government funded? Reminder: I am now on Chinese social media. I have seen the sasaeng accounts. I have seen the flight screenshots. I have seen the hotel lobby livestreams. My algorithm is concerning. YingYing says: “Girl I got you.” Those four words altered my brain chemistry. She adds me to a WeChat group.Three hundred members. It’s an Engene group. I. Am. Floored. And slightly disgusted. But also deeply intrigued. Like when you know you shouldn’t open the comments section but you absolutely will. I do not announce myself. I do not speak. My Chinese is still mid and my morals are in observation mode. I am a spy. A National Geographic correspondent embedded in the wild. I scroll. The group has leaders. Hierarchy. Structure. This is not chaotic fangirling. This is a corporation. About 4–5 core Engenes running operations. This is Jay’s c-bar. Thank you, YingYing. Of course it’s Jay’s. And then I see it. Fundraising posts. But not for birthday billboards. Not for subway ads. For scheduling information. Flight details. Hotel information. Car routes. They pool money to buy intel. Buy. Intel. There are payment screenshots. Contribution lists. Spreadsheets. If you donate, you get access. Premium subscription: Stalker Edition. They are also collecting funds to send one of the leaders to Seoul to “camp.” Camp. Which sounds cute. It is not cute. Camping means positioning yourself near dorms, hotels, airports. Stalking, if you will. Everyone who donates gets access to whatever she gathers. Photos. Movements. Confirmations. It is crowdsourced surveillance. Or, again, stalking. And I’m just sitting there. Scrolling. Silent. Horrified. But not leaving. Because I need to understand. Because I moved two hours from Seoul and accidentally unlocked a level of fandom I was never meant to see. And suddenly I realize: The girls at the airport with no luggage? They are not random. They are coordinated. And I am in the group chat. Chapter 7 I am a fly on the wall. Emphasis on fly. Because yes, I am in the groupchat. But I am not in the inner circle. I am not trusted. I am not initiated. I am observing. This is Jay’s c-bar. But here’s the thing. It’s just one of many. Every major city has its own groupchat. I’m in the Beijing one. There’s Shanghai. Guangzhou. Shenzhen. Probably cities I’ve never even heard of. It’s like regional government branches, but make it fandom. Each city has leaders. And then, above them, there is a separate leader chat. The High Council, if you will. Information flows down. Funds flow up. My group leader is Xiangying. Do I know what Xiangying looks like? No. How old she is? No. What she does for a living? No. Is she 19? Is she 32? Is she a finance executive? A law student? A secret agent? I know nothing. All I know is that she runs this chat like the navy. This is not a hobby group. This is a command center. There are unspoken rules. You feel them before you read them. Rule number one: Jay. Priority. Focus. Oxygen. We do not actively hate the other members. We simply… do not care. Do not discuss them. Do not compare. Absolutely no ships. This is not Wattpad. This is Jay’s bar. Luckily for morale, Jay is a main vocal. He gets lines. He gets screentime. He gets visibility. Which means the groupchat is usually in good spirits. If he had zero lines? I fear we would witness civil unrest. Then. It’s comeback season. Enhypen announces a January comeback. The chat transforms. People lock in like it’s tax season. Now remember: accessing outside sites from China is difficult. But the bar has… people. There is always someone in Korea. Or one of the leaders will physically go to Korea. You send them your Weverse login and they will purchase albums on your behalf. For a steep fee, of course. This is concierge capitalism. The chat has goals. Not vibes. Goals. The main Jay bar leadership sets a target. This comeback? 50,000 albums. Fifty. Thousand. And that’s just for Jay’s c-bar. Each city leader is responsible for hitting their quota through their network. I don’t even know if different member bars coordinate with each other beyond logistics. But I do know this: This is industrial. There’s hierarchy. Of course there is. The more albums you buy, the more valuable you are. Fansign season is where things get intense. And here’s the twist: It’s not just entering through Weverse like a civilian. If you’ve purchased enough albums through the bar, the leaders will use your Weverse account to funnel massive group order purchases under your name. Thousands. Yes. Thousands. Your account becomes the vessel. Your odds skyrocket. You are now a strategic asset. This is no longer luck. This is engineered probability. Ticketing? Oh, that’s another ecosystem. There are c-bars. And there are scalpers. The difference? Branding. Both purchase tickets in bulk. C-bars claim it’s for internal distribution. Scalpers sell to the highest bidder. “But you can’t transfer tickets on NOL.” Yes. You can. It’s complicated. It involves automated systems I will not pretend to understand. Possibly software that exists in moral gray zones. But it is absolutely possible. Nothing is truly impossible when money and obsession combine. Now that we understand how the machine functions… We need to understand the mindset. Because that’s the part people get wrong. From the outside, it looks insane. From the inside? It feels logical. Strategic. Collective. Efficient. You are not “a crazy fan.” You are part of a mission. A data-driven, goal-oriented, performance-based operation. And I am in the groupchat. Silent. Watching. Realizing that I moved two hours from Seoul and accidentally embedded myself inside one of the most organized fandom infrastructures on earth. Chapter 8 Here’s the thing you have to understand: in this world, Jay isn’t a person. I don’t mean “I don’t care about his feelings.” I mean he literally stops being human. You know how in normal life, you think about someone’s mood, their lunch, whether they got enough sleep, whether they’re stressed? C-bar logic doesn’t work that way. Because if you see him as a person, you have limits. You empathize. You hesitate. You slow down. You question. So instead, you convert him into a system. A node. A resource. A scoreboard. A chart. Like a character in a game your playing and real life just happens to be the game. I decide I want to understand this. I want to understand the thinking behind this. Usually in the west, if someone even starts to think anything invasive, you get clocked by your fandom. And rightfully so. But here, it is sport. So I look over the members in this group and there is one person that has english in her status. So I add her. Her name is Xiaofei. I do not know anything else about her, but she speaks English and so I gradually start to get to know her. The reason for this and not my dear YingYing is because, YingYing, though she is in the chat, she isn't active. She mainly stays in there to stay up-to-date on the comings and goings but YingYing is no stalker. Thankfully. After a few days of back and forth fangirling over Jay, normal fangirling: things like his best song, his best look, his best dance etc, I move on to the important stuff. Mind you, I am a Jungwon stan but now, out of the sheer information about Jay I possess, also a Jay stan. So I ask her subtly. Jay himself, the person, probably doesn't appreciate being followed and called on his phone all day. If you love Jay, wouldn't you want him to be happy and healthy? She explains to me that Jay will be happiest when he is most successful. It is the job of the agency to keep him healthy. Wouldn't he be sad if he came to the airport and nobody was there because nobody cares? The idol-as-human is messy. The idol-as-resource is perfectly efficient. C-bar members joke about flights like stock traders talk about futures. Hotel numbers are traded like commodities. Album purchases are analyzed like microeconomic policy. It is obsession turned scientific. The girls know everything. But they are emotionally insulated. They do not stop to think: “Maybe I shouldn’t know this. Maybe it’s invasive.” Because knowing is power, and in this system, power is survival. I realize I am observing something that can’t exist in the normal world. If you treated any other human this way… it would be monstrous. But here, in this context? It’s normalized. Necessary. Rational. Xiaofeisays: “The idol is not a person. He is Jay. That’s all that matters.” And suddenly I see the clarity. The horror. The thrill. Because once you remove the humanity, all boundaries disappear. Nothing is off-limits. Every detail is fair game. Every move is a metric. Every tiny advantage counts. And you begin to understand: this is why they can buy thousands of albums, chase flights, and organize themselves with surgical precision. They aren’t cruel. They’re just… optimized. And I, sitting quietly in the chat, begin to wonder… Am I watching obsessive fandom? Or am I watching human efficiency applied to emotional obsession? And maybe, just maybe, I am starting to understand the pull. Chapter 9 I got kicked out of the group for never speaking. My time is coming to an end soon. BTS is coming back so I will put on my army hat again. Living in China can be a lonely experience. This sentiment is echoed by the few chinese friends (non kpop) i made here. To find community, purpose or meaning is difficult in this huge fast paced place and people find it in all sorts of hobbies. I empathize with these people, but i also feel guilty about doing so. I recognize the damage they cause to the real people behind the idol personas. There's probably even more similar groups for BTS and I don't want to be in them. I am a fan of RM, the artist. I do not know Kim Namjoon, the person. I wish this distinction could be made amongst these people i've come to know. They play a real-life game where the more you do, the more involved you are in these activities, the higher up the food chain you can climb. Something they probably can't achieve in other real world fields. I am leaving. I have exited. I am now limited to reddit update posts and tiktok videos. And for the first time in a while, I do not know what time Jay went home today. submitted by /u/friendlyfire_may to r/kpopthoughts [link] [comments]

I am not the OP. That is u/Tanclan. Originally posted to r/Parenting. Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 years old. Trigger Warning: ableism My 5th grader is being told he can't go on the end of the year field trip because he couldn't find friends to share a room with. There are others rooms available. Should we fight this or drop it? (March 7, 2019) My 5th grader is on the high functioning end of the autism spectrum. This is his second year in the gifted and talented program and he loves it. He has made 3 quirky friends, which may not sound like a big deal but his birthday parties from kindergarten through 3rd grade were family only because he knew no one would come. The 5th grade has a field trip every year. It's 3 days away doing fun activities like ziplining, rock climbing, hiking, and things of that nature. My son wasn't sure about going at first because new things make him nervous but my older kids convinced him to go and he's excited about it. He went to all of the meetings and the last meeting was where they had to finalize their groups. They sleep in a cabin and there are 4 boys to a room with two bunkbeds. You can have 3 but aren't allowed less than 3 or more than 4. None of my son's friends are going on the trip because of other issues (one has sensory issues and hates the outdoors, another has autism and OCD, and the other has a mom who doesn't feel comfortable with her son going if she can't chaperone because he has meltdowns) but my son put himself out there and found a group. Two of the three boys are friends with my older son because they have played flag football and baseball together, so it was probably a pity invite but my son didn't care. He had a room with kids he knew would be nice to him because of his brother. During the meeting these two boys told my son that he couldn't be in their room anymore because the 3rd kids best friend decided to join their group instead. My son said "okay" and searched for other groups. When he couldn't find one he told the coordinators that he didn't have a group and they called up the kids who only had 3 people in their groups. There were 2 groups of boys that only had 3 people and all 6 of the boys said they didn't want to share with my son. From what my son says the teacher tried to convince them but they all said that he was weird and they didn't want him in their rooms. My son was told that he can not attend this trip because he does not have a group to room with even though their are two beds on the boys side not being used. There is room but those boys don't want to share with him. My son suggested sleeping in a sleeping bag in the room of the two boys who invited him to join their group originally but was told that wasn't allowed because the maximum is 4 to a room. My son is extremely disappointed. He is such a shy kid and for him to find a group, get kicked out, go searching for another group, tell the coordinators that he didn't have a group, get turned down by 6 boys who all said he was weird, try to come up with another solution, and continuously get rejected showed a lot from him. In the past he would have just left the room when it became overwhelming but he wants this bad and was willing to fight for it. I want this for him. It's a trip that my older two kids still talk about and I know he would enjoy it. He had a group and planned ahead. He was told last minute that his group dropped him in favor of another kid who came in last minute. Their are spaces available and we already paid. The school offered a full refund. Should I just take the refund and shut up? I know this may not seem like a big deal and we could do something similar but it was a way for him to experience something with his classmates. I don't know how many more of those opportunities he will have and he really wanted this one bad. Am I overreacting or should I go to the school about this? Some of OOP's comments (and fellow parents' solutions): VoteyDisciple: I subscribe to the "deliberate ignorance" strategy in situations like this. "[Son] told me there was apparently some confusion when it came to picking groups, and he ended up not being any group. Please let me know which group you're going to be assigning him to join. I'd like to make sure he knows who's going to be in his cabin in advance, since as you know he struggles a little socially." Hidden meaning: obviously you're not so stupid that you'd think about excluding him just because he couldn't convince friends to join him, so I'll just assume you forgot to fix the problem. Helophora: This is seriously one of the worst instances of teacher-enabled and supported bullying I’ve hear about. I’m completely shocked. What kind of person is this teacher? Where is it acceptable to say “no he can’t come because he’s weird”? I would absolutely raise hell. OOP: My son didn't even mind the weird comment. He gets that a lot but I was pissed the teachers and principal let the boys all call him weird in front of everyone. This was very public. My son went to the front of the room and they called all 6 boys up to the front. They proceeded to call him weird and loudly declare that they weren't sharing a room with him. Even if they were going to give the boys input, they could have made it more private and should have addressed the comments they made to him. Instead they shrugged their shoulders and told my son they couldn't do anything if no one wants him in their group. Maybe the boys got talked to later and we aren't aware of it. I wasn't there but my son gives very detailed explanations and even brings his notebook to every single meeting to copy down any important information. To me it sounded like they allowed him to be bullied and did nothing about it. Avarici: Honestly. I would touch bases with with the parents of the other 6 boys, and the boys that kicked him out of their group. If I found out that my son was doing this to anther kid I would sit him down and have a talk about empathy. "Sometimes you and your buddies have to spend the weekend bunking with the weird kid. Sometimes you are the weird kid that nobody wants to bunk with." (95% of the time my son is the weird kid.) Also, does you son have an IEP or 504? If so this could potentially be a violation of FAPE. Espeically where he is qualified, has done everything on his end, but is being excluded by his peers and teachers because his disability (autism) is "weird" to them. Full disclosure I teach special Ed and this kind of exclusionary BS pushes my buttons so hard! OOP: He does have a 504 plan. I would assume they will argue that he is being excluded because he doesn't have a group and not because he has autism but he doesn't have a group because he has autism. They are very connected. I'm going to see about reaching out to the other parents. My son only knew the names of a few of the boys who called him weird but I will try to contact the moms of the original boys and the 3rd who invited his friend and excluded my son. not2reddit: Fight this. I cannot imagine the heartbreak he is experiencing or will experience due to this. This is their trip to organize, they better put their thinking cap on and get their asses in gear. If they won’t, I would go public with this. They will NOT want this to get out, because it would blow up. OOP: He was so upset. He kept saying "I really really tried." It sucks. He did everything that he was supposed to do even though it made him uncomfortable. Last year he would have cried, waited for me to come pick him up, and would have wanted me to handle it. He didn't do any of that. He was upset but moved along and kept trying. That's exactly what we want from him and it still wasn't enough. It's frustrating. [in another reply on the same thread] I was very proud. That wasn't easy for him by a long shot. Even wanting to go on the trip is him stepping out of his comfort zone. Deleted Commenter: Totally unacceptable. At this point they should shuffle all of the kids and have them sleep in randomly assigned beds. OOP: My only concern is that everyone saw my son get rejected. Everyone knows that he was told he can't go on the trip. One of the original boys who invited him to join their group came up to my son after the mess and told him to keep his head up and everything would be okay. They all know what happened so they would all be aware that my son caused the room shuffle. I wouldn't want him to be a target. I explained in further detail in another comment but there is very little oversight in the cabins after 8pm. (on being asked why rooms aren't assigned by the teachers) OOP: I get the idea of making kids pick their own rooms. I know my twins liked being able to do that and the school argues that it helps prevent bullying because kids aren't forced to share with kids they don't like. I do believe they used to have the teachers organize it but eventually started allowing the kids. It is a school sanctioned field trip. (on being asked where the mess is unfolding) OOP: This is a small town in Texas. Update: My 5th grader is being told he can't go on the end of the year field trip because he couldn't find friends to share a room with. There are other rooms available. Should I fight this or let it go? (March 27, 2019) I posted about 3 weeks ago because my son was told he couldn't go on an end of the year field trip. I'll link the story at the bottom and wasn't planning on updating, but I checked my messages and have tons of PMs from people. I was nervous about giving an update because I didn't think people cared but I recently saw that someone made a blog post about it and I wanted to share my side of the story. Be careful what you put on Reddit y'all. Quick recap: High functioning autistic kid wanted to go on a field trip that includes a lot of fun things like hiking, ziplining and things like that. He found 3 boys to room with but the ring leader kicked him out in favor of his best friend on group finalization day. When he told the field trip coordinators that he didn't have a group anymore they called two groups of 3 to the front of the room and asked them if they wanted to share. Both groups declined and said my son was weird. This all was very public. My son was then told that he isn't allowed to go on the trip because he didn't have a group. He asked if he could get a sleeping bag and sleep on the floor of his original groups room but they told him no. My son was disappoited but kept his cool until I picked him up. Update: I asked my son what he wanted to do and he said he wanted to go on the trip. I told him that I would go to the school with him and speak to the principal, who was one of the people who told him he can't go on the trip. We met with the principal and he asked my son which group he wanted to share with. My son said he didn't want to share with the groups that called him weird because he didn't want to be bullied by the boys the entire trip. As I mentioned in my original post there is next to no supervision in the cabins at night. The principal told my son there were no other rooms left and my son said he wanted back in his original group. The principal told him that's not possible because they already have four and already finalized the group but I called bullshit on that. They can't erase a name? Maybe this makes me into a snowplow mom or whatever but this wasn't fair to my son. He did everything right and was being told his options are to either not go on the trip or sleep with kids who are going to tourment him. My son said that one of the kids told him that he still wants to share and asked if we could have him come to the office. The principal called one of the original group members down to the office and he admitted that he wanted to share with my son but felt like he had to go along with his friends otherwise he'd be the odd man out and would be searching for another group. He was clearly broken up about it and felt bad. I get it. He's a 5th grade boy who was told it's either him or my son and he put my son on the chopping block to save himself. Understandable behavior from a preteen. He said he still wanted to share with my son though, so they called one of the other original boys down. He's good friends with my older son and said he never wanted to make my son feel bad. He said he'd be open to sharing too. The principal decided to put the 3 boys back together and then called the other two boys, the ringer leader and the late to the party kid, to the office after we left. He said he was going to tell them that they had to pick another room. Either the room with my son and the two boys willing to share with him or one of the other groups of three. They ended up splitting into the other groups of three. I was worried about bullying for having his mom get involved or for "ruining" the trip but they are going to keep the other boys separate. The kids go on adventures with their bunk mates and the kids in the room next to them, so they are going to make sure the other boys are far from my son. Big group activities are all supervised and we told our son to call us if anything happens and he wants to come back home. It'll be a long drive but it'll be worth it if he isn't comfortable being around those kids. Thanks for all the comments. When you parent a kid with special needs it is hard to know if you are overreacting or not. I'm glad that most people think I was right to be upset about what happened. The next step is changing the program so no other kid has to go through this. My twins did but had no issues so I didn't think to speak up. I have been regretting that decision and have serious mom guilt about not stepping up sooner. I will do whatever I can to make sure no other kid is humiliated in front of his peers and called names while staff watches. I don't know how they can change the process to make it less harsh on kids without friends but something needs to be done. This can't happen ever again. And yes, I could have taken my son camping after but he wanted to do this and do it without me. His siblings got to and I don't know how many normal middle/high school experiences he'll get. He's getting this one. Some reactions to the outcome: Deleted Commenter: I'm glad it got sorted but I'm still angry it got to this. The school handled it terribly. What would have happened if the boys hadn't 'agreed'. They still put entirely too much power in the kids hands. The whole thing leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. You got the desired outcome though and I'm sure your boy will have a wonderful time. It might be worth writing to someone on the board about the situation after the trip has happened in the hopes that attitudes/ policies might be changed slightly. OOP: That's the plan. I still didn't like the way they handled it but I kept my mouth shut because my son was happy. It still isn't right though. FacelessOldWoman1234: Well done. It's too bad the principal couldn't have found a solution himself without requiring tears, bullying, shame, and parental involvement, but at least it is resolved now. jeliebelie: I’m so happy for you for standing up for your son! You should be very proud of yourself! Thank you for posting this update! Like everyone else has said, this is a terrible system on the schools part, and I hope they’ve learned their lesson! submitted by /u/mmanyquestionss to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/takingsidesthrowaway Mom [41] and Dad [45] getting divorced leaving me [13F] with a hard choice: who gets majority custody. TRIGGER WARNING: child abuse, mentions of infidelity, parental alienation Original Post - rareddit Apr 1, 2016 Sorry for the long post. Backstory A few days ago, my parents took me and my younger sibling out to breakfast to have a "family meeting." Over eggs and pancakes, my father admitted to having a brief affair with a family friend who used to watch me and my brother [11] after school when we were younger. He did not make excuses and did not try to defend himself, and did not elaborate other than to say that he had cut all contact, and it was over. After that he admitted the affair to our mom, and because he had hurt her, they were getting a divorce. They explained that they had already discussed it at length, and had already started the process. They had already agreed that our mother would keep the house and though my father would continue to live at home for a while, he would be moving out by the end of the school year. (Late June.) They promised to keep us informed about all the proceedings they felt would affect us, and were ending it amicably. (Which I have to believe is true because they continued to share a room until that day when my father moved down to the guest room in the basement.) They also wanted to be open and honest about everything that was going on. Part of me wanted to feel angry or sad or something, right now, all I really feel is disappointment. I was shocked, but not blown away because I never really saw "love" as much of a part of my parent's marriage more than "duty". I was surprised that my father had an affair, because I didn't think him capable of it, but I respected him for laying it all out on the table and admitting the mistake was his. My brother seemed to handle the news the same way. Then they told us that one of them would end up with majority custody, and they didn't want either of us to be blindsided by it. They explained that we were both old enough that a judge would take any choice we made about which parent we wanted to live with into consideration, and that they would as well. They didn't want an answer then but both said we would be able to talk to them about it, and regardless, we would be able to see both of them whenever we wanted and would share holidays and birthdays. The Issues I'm not here because I need to figure out which parent to choose, or upset because they are making me. I respect them for being honest and giving us the choice. I'm here because I've decided. And it's not the answer anyone things I should have. I've decided I want to stay with my dad. And I know that my mother and her family will not take that well, and will end the "amicable" part of the divorce. I know my father is the one who made a bad decision leading to the divorce. I know that being a teenage girl, everyone expects that being with my mother would make growing up easier. I know that I would have to leave the home me and my brother grew up in, and probably the school I've been in since preschool since it looks like the places my dad is looking at are in other citys. I know that my mother makes more money than my father and could probably provide more (even though they said they would both share the responsibility.) But looking at my parents objectively, my father is the "Parent" I look up to, mistakes and all. He's the one who always wakes me up for school, makes my lunch and draws smiley faces on the bag. He read me bedtime stories, taught me to read and ride a bike, and fixed my boo-boos and helped me with my homework. He's the one I go to for comfort when I'm upset or sick or scared or just want to talk. My mother never really took an interest in any of that. I love her and know she loves us, but I feel like she had me and my brother because that was what she was supposed to do. Her culture expects certain things from certain people and husband/house/kids are part of those expectations. And what parenting she does do, it's to make sure my brother and I conform to these expectations. (We're expected to take piano, I'm supposed to be a "girly-girl", my brother should be in to sports, we're supposed to get good grades, get in to a good college, become doctors/lawyers/CEO's etc...) Her definition of helping with homework is yelling at us until we "get it." Her comforting tactic is to tell us how much harder she had it as a child. She had to do the math to figure out how old I was on my last birthday, and is definitely of the mind that "children are meant to be seen and not heard." Even though she says she's ok with us deciding who we want to live with, I know she has it in her mind that we'll automatically choose her because my dad was the one that messed up. I also know that her four sisters (who she's very close with) will back her up when I make the "wrong" choice. I've been through this with her before and she only gives me a choice when she assumes I'll choose what she wants me to. And when I don't I'm yelled at, guilt tripped, threatened, had my aunts sicked on me, told me I was dishonoring her and the family... And that was over "small stuff" like what language to take in school, what summer camp to go to, what I really wanted for my 12th birthday (I had a "choice" between going to Disney World for the first time with my dad's brother's family or her home-country with her sister's family again), or quitting piano to play to pick up another instrument and join the school band. (We compromised on violin, my 3rd choice instrument and she likes to remind me of how happy I am that I didn't choose the drums. She doesn't get that yes, I like the violin, but I would still want to learn drums.) How do I tell her I'm making the "wrong" choice to live with my dad, and fend off the onslaught I know is coming from that entire side of the family? Because I know it's not going to blow over and it's not going to go away. I'm going to hear about it at every future holiday, every time I see that side of the family, for the rest of my life. I corrected her English in front of a stranger when I was four and I'm still hearing about it. They just don't let even the most minor infractions go. Ever. I already know I'll be called a bad child, a bad daughter, that I'm making the wrong choice, that I'm hurting my mother, that I'm a disappointment, that I'm dishonoring my mother, that I'm a horrible person... not to mention the small ribbing and backhanded comments, petty slights in every conversation and family gathering from then on. And to complicate things, my brother hasn't told them his decision and I'm pretty sure it's because he's waiting to see what I do. (He does this a lot.) He told me he wants to live with dad, but is worried about her/her family too. And he knows if I say I want to live with mom, he'll say it too because he won't want to be the disappointing one. If I say I want to go with my dad, then I'll be the disappointing one who was the bad-influence, so he'll get let off a little easier. I'm not mad at him about that. It's not his fault, but it will be just more ammunition against me as the oldest. And I don't want to tell him what he should and shouldn't do because it's his life. When I finally do tell my parents (and brother) what I think, and he does too, he might actually be guilted in to changing his mind, and that would make him miserable. I want to help him stick to his decision, but I know it will only make things worse for me. So yeah, long post, but there's a lot in my head and a lot going on. TL;DR; How do I tell my mom I want to live with my dad, officially ending the "amicable" part of their divorce? How do I deal with the aftermath? How do I help my brother not get browbeaten by my mom/her side of the family without "being the bad influence?" And how do we keep dealing with the aftermath for the rest of our lives? RELEVANT COMMENTS [deleted] You have to do what's best for you. Unfortunately, that might mean you have to deal with the fallout. Hopefully your father will be able to shield you from some of it. Your mother should know better than to guilt trip you and your brother. It sounds like she has a long history of manipulation and narcissistic tendencies. I'm sorry you have to deal with this pressure. Just stick by your decision and take it one day at a time. OOP I don't know if it goes as far as "manipulation and narcissistic tendencies." My dad says she just wants what she thinks is best for me, and it's how she shows she cares. The guilting thing is just how she was raised because I've seen my grandmother do it, and I've seen my mom and her sisters do it to each other. I just can't deal with it and thinking about it makes me sick. La_Fee_Verte Your mother has been raised on an abusive way, and now she perpetuates this abuse. As much as you are afraid of her reactions when you tell her you choose to live with your dad....if you stay with her, you stay with the abuse 24/7. And there will always be something else to yell at you about. Living with her will break you and your brother for a long time. ~ Goldfinger888 If you cave to your mom, her behaviour will just manifest on other stuff. You'll be called 'bad' for other choices you make. So why not go live with your dad? The fallout is already guaranteed by the way you describe it. OOP Good point. piyochama You will also be better off in the long run, honestly. Why OOP chose her dad Thanks. Your relationship with your dad sounds a lot like the one I have with mine. I don't hate my mom, and it's not like I don't want to see her. We just don't get along. My dad's just the one I rely on because I feel like I'm not letting him down all the time like I do with my mom when I'm not who she wants me to be. And I feel the same way. I see my mom's side of the family more often than my dad's, even though they live further away, but I feel more at home with my dad and his side of the family. And that's really why I'd rather live with him because I feel like if I live with my mom, we'd just be fighting all the time because I don't want to be the person she wants me to. I mean, I still fight with my dad sometimes, but not all the time like it feels with my mom, and we usually get over it quickly. With my mom an argument can last days because she'll keep bringing it up. So I know when I tell her I want to live with dad she'll be furious and I won't hear anything but that for a long time. I just know it will be worse trying to live up to her expectations full time without my dad there, so it's just hard. ~ acciointernet Is your mom from an Asian culture by any chance? I only ask because my parents are, and I grew up in a VERY Asian-American town (my HS was 65% Asian-American) and a LOT of what you say about your mother reminds me of the Asian culture. If so, then maybe I can help from a perspective of someone who grew up with parents like your mom. I know the feeling of that pressure to succeed; to meet an expectation of what kind of extracurricular activities you do (for me, it was ballet, piano, violin, swim, art, and tutoring); to respect your parents and never talk back; etc. I know it's not fun, and in fact sometimes it can be borderline emotional abuse. That's exactly WHY you have to do what you know is best for you and live with your father. I know it's going to bring a shitstorm down on you and your brother, but it's for your own best interests. If your mother and her family are overbearing about it, go low-contact (aka, don't respond to them when they try to engage you/berate you...just tune them out, walk away, hang up the phone, etc). Yes, they will be PISSED. They will scream, guilt trip you, everything. But you need to remember that this is a function of their fear of losing control. You have to set your boundaries and stick to them. This is some pretty heavy stuff for a 13 year old, and I'm really sorry that you're put in this position. Don't be afraid to tell your dad if you feel like you need to talk to a therapist to help you sort out your feelings of stress/guilt from your mom's reaction. Best of luck

I teach 7th grade ELA in a pretty "nice" suburban school, the kind where parents email about grades within 10 minutes and kids have Stanley cups and AirPods. Yesterday one of my quieter kids asked if he could stay after class. I figured it was missing work, but he just sat there twisting the strap on his backpack and finally said, "Ms, do you know anywhere thats open late? Like inside, not outside." I asked what he meant and he blurted out that him and his mom have been sleeping in her car for a few weeks. Not like camping, like rotating between Walmart, a church lot, and the back of a 24 hour laundromat. He said he showers in the locker room when he can and that he keeps his stuff in a trash bag because the trunk leaks. Then he looked at me like he regretted telling me and went, "please dont tell anyone, theyll take me away." My stomach just dropped. This kid has been doing our bell ringers, laughing at the dumb memes I put on slides, turning in his reading logs. I had no idea. So I did what we are told to do: called the counselor, filled out the form, emailed the admin. Within an hour I got pulled into the office and it was like I had done something wrong. "We appreciate you bringing concerns forward, but you need to follow protocol and avoid personal involvement." The AP said the district "handles these situations" and reminded me not to give the student food, money, rides, or "make promises." Meanwhile I can see the kid on the camera feed outside my room at dismissal, just sitting on the curb with his hood up. I asked if we had contacted the McKinney-Vento liaison yet and the AP literally sighed and said, "We don't know the full story, and we dont want to escalate with the family." Escalate. Like the situation isn't already escalated. I offered to bring extra snacks from home for my class pantry and was told that could be "perceived as favoritism" and "create liability." Cool. Liability. Great priority. I'm trying to keep my head down like they want, but I can't stop thinking about him sleeping in a freezing car while we argue about whether kids can redo a quiz. I keep replaying his face when he said "please dont tell." I feel trapped between doing the humane thing and getting myself written up for "crossing boundaries." If you've dealt with this, what did you do that actually helped? Because right now the adults in charge are acting like paperwork is the whole plan, and its making me feel kind of sick. submitted by /u/SilentVHSPlayer to r/Teachers [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Super-Doughnut-8859 Originally posted to r/AITAH Previous BoRUs: #1 [Final New Update]: AITAH for not letting my roommate’s boyfriend shower at our place anymore? Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Editor's note: added paragraph breaks and made small edits for ease of readability. removed older relevant comments for more space in this latest BoRU Trigger Warnings: mentions drug dealing, invasion of privacy, manipulation, accusations of controlling behavior, destruction of property Mood Spoilers: positive at the end RECAP Original Post: June 10, 2025 so I (21f) live in a two bedroom flat with my roommate (22f). we’ve lived together for a little over a year and mostly things have been fine. we split rent and bills evenly, and we’re friendly, though not super close. we respect each other’s space and it’s been good up until recently. about six months ago, she started dating this guy (24m). he was around once or twice a week at first but now he’s here constantly. literally sleeps over 5 to 6 nights a week, sometimes full weeks in a row. he’s not on the lease, doesn’t pay rent, doesn’t bring shopping, doesn’t help with anything at all. nothing. I’ve never said much because I get it, it’s her boyfriend, and I didn’t want to start drama. but what’s been bothering me lately is the shower thing. he showers ALL of the time. like twice a day minimum. sometimes more. and every single time, he uses my stuff. my shampoo, conditioner, face wash, razor, deodorant (yes, I noticed). I didn’t even say anything the first few times because I thought maybe she let him borrow something once. but this is just ongoing now. I’ve moved all my things into my room and carry them back and forth like I’m at a camp or something. I brought it up to my roommate a while ago and she just went “he probably didn’t realize” and didn’t do anything about it. last week I finally said something more direct and told her I wasn’t comfortable with him showering here constantly, especially since he doesn’t live here, doesn’t contribute anything, and uses my stuff. I told her I’d feel different if he at least bought his own stuff or chipped in somehow. she got super annoyed and said he doesn’t have any money right now so it’s not like he can buy his own things, and that I was being cold and controlling. she told me I was overreacting and that it’s “just hygiene.” I snapped and said it’s not about hygiene, it’s about boundaries and respect. for what it’s worth, I wouldn’t have even minded grabbing him some basics if she just asked but she didn’t, and neither did he. they just assumed I’d be fine with it. and honestly I don’t even really like him. he’s not awful, just kinda moochy and not self aware at all. so maybe I’m being harsh because I already find him annoying? now my roommates barely speaking to me and told one of our mutual friends that I’m being weirdly territorial and passive aggressive over a guy “taking a quick shower.” I don’t know. part of me feels bad because he is broke and maybe I’m being too harsh, but I also feel like I’m being walked over in my own home. I just need unbiased advice. so aitah? (throwaway account for anonymity, my normal reddit account has my name)   Update #1: June 10, 2025 (same day, four hours later) so, I ended up having another conversation with my roommate after she got home, mostly because I couldn’t keep walking around like everything’s fine when it’s really not, and the comments I read from my previous post helped me to come to that conclusion. I told her as calmly as I could that this situation is seriously getting to me. I get it that she’s in love, but I’m not just some side character in her life who has to deal with the boyfriend constantly being in our home. I told her flat out that it’s been months now of him basically living here. eating, showering, lounging around, sleeping over 5-6 nights a week and it’s crossing the line. she just kind of blinked at me and said I was being heartless. literally said those exact words. saying I had no compassion for her relationship or for him, or the fact he had barely any money and needed somewhere to stay most days and needed food etc. she accused me of being dramatic and of caring more about shampoo than a person who means the world to her. and I just snapped. I told her this is not about shampoo. it’s about the fact that her boyfriend, who doesn’t pay rent, doesn’t contribute to bills and isn’t even on the lease, has been using all of my personal stuff for months without asking. like literally never asked, not once and neither did she. he just started helping himself to my shampoo, my conditioner, my razor, my face wash and my deodorant like I’m running a free hotel and he’s a guest. and the worst part is he barely even talks to me. this man’s been living in my space for months and I swear we’ve had maybe two conversations ever. half the time he doesn’t even say hi when he walks in the door and just walks straight past me like I’m invisible and hops in the shower with my products like it’s no big deal. I can’t believe I have put up with it for this long. I told her if either of them had asked even just once I probably would’ve been chill about it. like yeah, he’s broke I get it because times are hard. I would’ve even offered to grab him a few basics if he was short on cash, but no one said anything. they just silently decided it was okay for him to mooch off of me and my stuff and my space without so much as a conversation like I don’t get a say in any of this. she got super defensive, like arms crossed and full of attitude and said something like “well, he’s my boyfriend and I’m allowed to have him over. it’s my home too.” and I said yeah you are allowed to have him over but let’s not pretend like he’s just here “sometimes.” he’s always here. he’s been here more nights than not for the past few months, and when he’s not sleeping over he’s still around. he’s basically moved in without actually moving in. and if he’s gonna act like he lives here, then he needs to contribute like he lives here. she just rolled her eyes and said and I quote, “get used to it. he’s my boyfriend, and as I said before he has barely any money so wouldn’t be able to contribute anything.” and that was it for me. I’ve been so patient. I’ve tried to be understanding. I’ve given them the benefit of the doubt over and over again. but at this point I feel completely disrespected and walked over in my own home. I’ve realised I’m not overreacting I’m reacting to months of not being heard and being treated like I don’t matter. I’m calling our landlord tomorrow morning. I’m going to explain that this guy has effectively moved in, he’s been staying here for weeks on end, using the amenities, taking up space, and not paying a single penny toward rent or bills. and if he’s going to keep staying here, he needs to start paying his share. I didn’t want it to come to this, but I’m not going to keep carrying the weight of a third person in this flat just because my roommate’s in a relationship. she made it clear she’s not going to do anything about it, so now I have to. thank you for your responses on the previous post, it really helped me come to terms with the situation!   Update #2: June 11, 2025 (next day) Thank you guys for all of your help and comments on my prior posts!!! And yes if you can tell I’ve taken on board the advice about paragraphs and capitalisation lol sorry I’m so used to typing with no capitals and just totally forgot about paragraphs in the stress of me typing it all out. I appreciate everyone who took the time to comment on my last post. It honestly helped me feel so much less crazy about all of this! So like I said I would, this morning I spoke to my landlord. I was so anxious before calling because I didn’t want it to feel like I was like tattling or trying to blow things up but I also knew I couldn’t ignore it any longer. He picked up quickly and was actually really calm and professional about everything. I explained the situation as clearly and fairly as I could and told him that my roommate’s boyfriend has been staying over 5–6 nights a week (sometimes more), using all of our utilities, taking over our shared space and even using my personal things like it’s all free despite not paying a single penny toward rent or bills or even any shopping. The landlord paused for a moment and then told me that it wasn’t okay. He told me that technically under the lease guests are allowed for short stays like the occasional overnight or weekend. But then said that’s very different from someone else effectively living in the flat, and that if someone is staying over more than a couple nights a week on a consistent basis that counts as an unofficial tenant. He said that if my roommate wants him there full time, he needs to be added to the lease and start contributing to rent and bills immediately. Otherwise, he said her boyfriend will have to seriously cut back on how often he’s staying over and if my roommate refuses to cooperate or tries to keep things as they are it could result in her being in breach of the lease agreement. He said she could face consequences, including possible eviction if this continues without resolution!! That honestly shook me a little, but also validated that I’m not overreacting. Now onto the more awkward part!! A few hours ago at around 5pm her boyfriend showed up again. As he came in and went to walk past me like usual, I stopped him and said I needed to talk to him. He looked caught off guard and kind of gave me that fake confused “about what?” expression, but I stood firm and said I just needed to clear the air. I told him I’d noticed he’s been staying here constantly and using all my stuff such as my shampoo, my face wash, my razor (and yes I got a new razor the same day I noticed he was using mine), deodorant, all of it without ever asking. I said I was really uncomfortable with it, especially since he’s not on the lease or contributing anything. That’s when he got defensive. He didn’t yell or anything, but his tone immediately turned snappy and kind of guilt trippy. He said something like that he was sorry he didn’t have somewhere else to go right now and that he was in a deep place. He then said that he wasn’t trying to make my life hard and that he was just trying to survive. Then he launched into this whole monologue about how he’s unemployed, struggling with his mental health, that his family all cut him off, he can barely afford food let alone shampoo, and how my attitude is just “another example of people turning their backs on someone who’s already at rock bottom.” He even asked if I think he wants to be in this position, or if I think he feels good about the way he lives, like I was supposed to feel guilty for bringing it up. I stayed calm and told him that I wasn’t trying to kick him whilst he’s down. And that if he had just asked me I probably would’ve said yes and I might’ve even bought him some basics. But he didn’t ask and he just started helping himself, like it was owed to him. He didn’t really have a response to that, other than shrugging and muttering that he didn’t think it was a big deal and that my roommate told him it was fine. I said it is a big deal to me. This is my home too, and he has been treating it like a free house that he’s allowed to live in and that’s not sustainable anymore. I told him my landlord’s going to get involved now and things will have to change. Either he gets added to the lease and starts paying his share, or he stops staying over all the time. And if neither my roommate could end up being evicted. He got quiet after that. Gave me some annoyed half apology and went into her room. Honestly, I think he was more embarrassed than anything. But I’m not backing down now because I’ve done my part and I’ve been patient. I’ve communicated like an adult, so what happens next is on them. No word yet from my roommate after her convo with the landlord (which I assume happened as my landlord doesn’t usually say stuff and not follow through with it) and she still hasn’t come back home which leads me to the belief that she’s furious. That said I’m done prioritising her comfort over my own peace of mind as I’ve been more than fair. I will update again if/when my roommate says anything to me. Also, I’ve officially locked my shower stuff away and the snacks that I had previously bought which were my snacks I bought with my money. I went to Argos this morning and got one of those little lockable storage boxes and slid it under my bed as some of you suggested. I made a very unique four digit code for it too, so hopefully my roommate’s boyfriend doesn’t go to the extreme of trying to open and snoop through a locked box! Thank you so much for all of your comments and constructive criticism of my non capitals and paragraphs (sorry), but hopefully this is easier to read!!   Update #3: June 11, 2025 (same day, two hours later) Thank you for all your comments and positivity on my previous posts!! I’m hoping this will all blow over soon as confrontation is not my thing in general, and this is a situation I really don’t want to be in as I don’t want to be the reason someone whose already struggling ends up on the streets. And before I get into the latest update, I did see a comment asking why I didn’t just ask her why he doesn’t use her stuff and the answer is because he already does lol!! He uses both of our stuff whenever he feels like it but for some reason it’s mostly mine he grabs. Anyways, my roommate came home about an hour ago, just before 12pm and it was obvious from the second she walked through the door that she was furious. She slammed the front door shut, slammed her keys a little too hard onto the side table, and threw her bag down. I was in the living room at the time and the energy shift was instant. I waited a moment, then came out from the living room, said hello and asked as gently as I could if everything was okay. She didn’t answer right away and just stood there with her jaw clenched before blurting out that she couldn’t believe I actually called our landlord. And then asked me why I was being so dramatic. I stayed calm and said that I had already told her I was going to if nothing changed and that I didn’t go behind her back. She gave this bitter laugh and said something along the lines of: “Yeah well now thanks to that our landlord told me in no uncertain terms that [boyfriend’s name] is not allowed to stay more than two nights a week anymore unless he starts paying rent.” She was absolutely livid. She asked me if I even understood what that meant. And then said he literally has nowhere else to go right now and he’s been staying here because he doesn’t have a home, not because they were trying to take advantage of me or something. She kept telling me he was struggling and would have no money to pay rent or bills and now what, is he supposed to just wander around in the cold at night and freeze to death while you (AND I QUOTE), “sleep soundly knowing your shampoo’s safe and sound.” That last line was so sarcastic it would’ve been funny if it wasn’t so frustrating and guilt tripping. I took a deep breath and said that it was not about the shampoo, it was about how he’s been here constantly like literally living here without ever being asked to contribute anything and literally had barely even acknowledged me ever. I mentioned that I tried to talk to her about it twice and she blew it off both times. What else was I supposed to do? She crossed her arms and looked at me like I was the most cold hearted person alive. She told me he was her boyfriend, and of course she would want him here. That he’s going through so much and now I’ve made it so he feels completely unwelcome. She told me his family just cut him off one day with no reason and all of his friends stopped talking to him too and apparently treated him awfully (which in my opinion seems ironic but maybe that’s just me lol). Apparently he called her after I confronted him earlier and told her he’s going to stay at a friend’s place tonight and he sounded like he was about to cry before he hung up the phone, then said this was just another example of people not giving a f*ck about him when he needs it most. I literally didn’t even hear him leave so he must have crept out lol. I could feel the guilt tripping in every word. But honestly, I’ve reached the point where I’m done letting it work on me. I said that I was sorry he’s going through a rough time. But this is my home too. I pay rent, I pay bills. I keep this place going just like she does. I’m not an extra in her relationship. She brought someone into this space without asking, let him treat it like it’s his, and didn’t lift a finger when it started affecting me. That’s not okay. She went quiet at that, still clearly annoyed but with nothing left to say that wouldn’t sound like more of the same. After a few seconds she just said, “I hope you’re happy,” and walked off into her room, slamming the door behind her. I’m not happy. I didn’t want it to come to this. But I’m also not sorry. I’ve been way more patient than I should’ve been, and I’ve tried to handle this like an adult. I don’t think her boyfriend feeling “unwelcome” is because I’m cruel, it’s because they’ve both acted like the rules don’t apply to them and that’s not my fault. So I guess this is where things stand for now. Tense, awkward, and probably about to get worse before they get better! But I feel like I can see the horizon of no more stolen shampoo, and hopefully this will all be over soon!!! Thank you for all of your comments, they mean a lot to me :-)   Update #4: June 13, 2025 (two days later) Hi again everyone! I just wanted to say thank you again for the incredible support, advice and unbiased opinions you’ve given me throughout this whole mess of a time. I’ve read every single comment on my last few posts and it’s been genuinely eye opening in a beautiful way to realise how many people have been able to offer advice when my head was spinning!! So, it’s been tense but quiet since my last post. My roommate has barely spoken to me and things have mostly been awkward silence or heavy sighs. I’ve kept my boundaries up and stayed polite but we both clearly needed space. Yesterday, my roommate and her boyfriend (yes he was over, to “collect something of his”) had a huge argument. I wasn’t eavesdropping, but it was loud enough that I couldn’t not hear it as our walls are thin and they were yelling. He was accusing her of being a bad girlfriend for not sticking up for him when I talked to our landlord, or sticking up for him when I raised an issue (which she did lol?) He actually said that she let me humiliate him and that she didn’t even defend him and said I have made him look pathetic. He went full guilt trip, saying she’d betrayed him and that real partners are supposed to protect each other. He said he felt humiliated, abandoned and that she clearly didn’t care about him at all. It was like watching someone weaponise hurt feelings just to control his narrative!!!! She was crying and trying to explain but he kept cutting her off and then suddenly boom he slammed the door and stormed out. She followed shortly after. I thought that was probably the end of the drama for the night. I genuinely felt bad for her in that moment. But then at like 2am this morning she came stumbling in tipsy and immediately started shouting at me. She slurred something about me just being jealous and mad because I don’t have a boyfriend. I literally couldn’t be further from being jealous of her and her boyfriend as he seems to be so cruel and guilt tripping towards her!! Then she said it’s because I can’t stand seeing her happy so I ruin it for her. Then she called me bitter, pathetic, and said I was sabotaging her relationship because I’m lonely. I didn’t even say anything and I just sat there stunned. She then stomped off to her room and passed out cold. This morning I woke up to find her sitting at the kitchen table looking rough. She was hungover and clearly very low. She mumbled something about how she doesn’t know what to think anymore and then said she thinks that her boyfriend is only with her for her money. I was genuinely trying to be kind, as I felt bad for her and it must be a tough situation to be in. I told her I was sorry she felt like that, and that she deserves better if that’s how she’s feeling. I thought we were having a real moment. But then she looked me dead in the eye and said literally, and I quote, “This is your fault.” My jaw dropped. I literally said “Excuse me?” and she repeated it. She said if I hadn’t “blown everything out of proportion,” and gone to our landlord, none of this would’ve happened and her boyfriend wouldn’t be angry with her. And then said I ruined everything. And in that moment, I realised this wasn’t fair. I’ve been nothing but fair and I’ve tried so hard to set boundaries respectfully, communicate like an adult and not cause drama. I’ve gone out of my way to make this place livable and still got blamed for everything. And now I’m being guilt tripped because her boyfriend treats the flat like a free hotel and she’s too far gone to see it. Which brings me to the next part of this post. Our lease is up for renewal on August 1st. Our landlord emailed us both yesterday with a standard renewal reminder and asked us to let him know by July 1st if we’re planning to stay, so he has time to prep the paperwork or start listing the flat. I’ve thought long and hard about this, and I have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to live with her anymore. Even if her boyfriend disappears tomorrow, the trust and respect is gone and the ability to feel comfortable in my own home is hanging by a thread. I won’t be renewing my half. Whether I find a new place alone or with someone else, I’m not staying here. I haven’t told her yet because I’m not in the mood to get screamed at again, but I’ll be giving proper notice soon and reaching out to our landlord to clarify the process. I’ll do it properly and respectfully but I know that I will no longer live here. I’ve mentally committed, and this weekend I’m going to start the flat/house share search. I’m equal parts nervous and excited!! Nervous because I’m in a very good location right now and the rent isn’t cheap but reasonable for what it is. I know I might not get quite as lucky again, especially solo but I’d rather pay a little more than keep sacrificing my sanity lol. If anyone has any tips or suggestions for websites to search for flatshares/house shares in the UK, I’d massively appreciate them. I’ve got: SpareRoom (seems the most legit but can be competitive), Rightmove (good for full flats, not so much for house shares), OpenRent, Roomgo (has anyone used this recently?) and a few local FB groups I’m cautiously dipping into. I’m also wondering if anyone’s had better luck starting as a group of renters looking to sign together rather than joining an existing one? I’d love to hear any experiences, good or bad!! I’m still sad that it came to this because this flat could have been a dream but I know I’m making the right decision. I deserve a space that feels like mine or at least one I’m not constantly being pushed out of emotionally. So yeah wish me luck!! And if anyone knows of a spare room in a chill flat with non toxic housemates and boundaries that are respected feel free to manifest it into the universe for me hahaha. Thank you to everyone who’s commented and supported me through this absolutely bonkers situation. You made me feel sane and reminded me that I deserve to feel safe, respected and comfortable in my own home!!!   Update #5: June 28, 2025 (15 days later) Hi everyone! If you’ve followed any of my previous posts (first of all thank you), you’ll know it’s been a tense, chaotic and honestly emotionally exhausting time dealing with my roommate and her boyfriend essentially living rent free in my flat while I’ve slowly been pushed out of my own space and sanity. The messages and comments you’ve left me throughout have genuinely meant so much to me! A lot has happened in the last two weeks and I wanted to update you properly!!! Things have continued to be awkward. Very, very painfully awkward. Since my last post where my roommate drunkenly accused me of sabotaging her relationship and said everything was “my fault,” she’s barely spoken a word to me. I think we’ve exchanged maybe two sentences since then and they were both household things like “Have you seen the post?” or “The boiler man’s coming on Thursday.” Her boyfriend has still been around, despite what was said. Not as much as before because they’re definitely trying to keep it under the radar now that the landlord’s aware. She’s clearly choosing to keep him in her life and that’s her decision but I can’t pretend it doesn’t suck to come home and feel that tension in the air every day. To be fair he hasn’t touched any of my stuff since the confrontation, probably out of shame or fear I’ll report him again but the atmosphere hasn’t improved. She still looks at me like I’m the villain in her love story and I’m honestly just so tired of being cast in that role. Now here’s where things improve. After I gave notice to my landlord that I wouldn’t be renewing the lease, he asked if I was planning on staying in the area and I said yes. I’ve been flat hunting nonstop online (SpareRoom mostly though it’s a bloodbath) but nothing quite felt right. A few days after my last post, I was reading through the comments (which again, thank you for, you redditors are wiser than most real life advice I’ve had!) and a few people suggested I ask the landlord if there were any other units available in the same building. I hadn’t even thought of that to be honest. I assumed everything around here was taken but I figured I had nothing to lose by asking. So I emailed him just casually saying that before I committed to moving out of the building entirely I wanted to check if there were any other units becoming available around the same time. He replied the next day saying that one of the flats just upstairs (literally one floor above us) was going to be vacant from mid July. Same layout, same rent, same everything but slightly newer kitchen fittings and a nicer view (less bin alley and more rooftops). He even offered me a first viewing since I was a current tenant and had always paid rent on time. I was honestly stunned. Same building, same landlord, same floor plan and no drama roommate.. SIGN ME UP. I viewed the new unit last week. It’s still a two bedroom, which works perfectly because my friend (23F) who I’ve known since sixth form and who’s been looking to move out of her current house share is looking to move around the same time. We had a little catch up to talk about it and realised our timelines lined up almost perfectly. She came to view it with me the second time around and loved it. We signed the lease together this past Wednesday and we officially get the keys on July 17th!! Now here’s the cherry on top. My current roommate isn’t renewing her lease either. Apparently after all the landlord stuff happened she decided she doesn’t want to stay in the building anymore. I’m guessing she doesn’t want to be under the same roof as me (or the landlord who now knows about her boyfriend’s extended stays). She mentioned in passing (very passive aggressively) that she’s moving somewhere with fewer rules whatever that means. So as it stands she’s moving out, I’m moving into a new unit one floor up, and we’ll no longer be flatmates. I haven’t told her where I’m moving yet. I didn’t lie but I also didn’t feel like I owed her explanation you know. When she asked if I’d found anywhere yet I just said that I’ve sorted it with the landlord and left it at that. If she finds out I’m literally upstairs that would be slightly awkward. Just to paint a realistic picture for anyone reading who’s UK based or curious, here’s how the process is going down. I formally gave my 30 day notice in writing to the landlord as soon as I decided not to renew. He accepted it and noted that my tenancy ends on July 31st. The landlord already knows me (obviously) and I’ve paid rent on time for over a year so getting the new lease was smooth. No agency faff this time which I’m so grateful for, it was just a standard credit check and ID confirmation. Because it’s the same landlord and he uses a registered deposit scheme he’s allowing the deposit from this unit to be “rolled over” into the new flat pending an inspection of this one. So if I leave this place in good condition, I won’t have to cough up another full deposit (LIFESAVER). We’re getting the keys to the new flat on July 17th even though this lease ends on the 31st. That gives me two full weeks of overlap to move gradually, clean and avoid a stress meltdown. My dad even offered to drive up with his car to help with the heavier stuff (hero). My friend’s lease ends around the same time, so we’ll be moving in together over the same weekend. I’ve already sorted my council tax and utilities with the landlord, he’ll notify the local council and we just need to set up the new water/electric/internet accounts from the 17th. We’ll split it 50/50 just like I always hoped I could. Honestly I feel so thankful. Knowing I won’t have to be in a flat where I’m constantly tiptoeing around a VERY moody roommate and her (as you say) hobosexual boyfriend is such a relief. I’m very excited to decorate a new space and set new boundaries from day one! Me and my friend already talked openly about how we want to divide shared costs (groceries will be our own, cleaning rota, guests can stay but within reason etc), and it feels normal. I could actually cry at the idea of normal. So now I’m prepping for the move. Starting to box up non essentials, deep cleaning little bits each day and honestly enjoying the idea of creating a new space from scratch. I’ve started making Pinterest boards for our new living room and my bedroom!! I’ll probably do a little post move update once we’re in and settled. Thank you to every single person who read, commented, DM’d or just rooted for me in the background. I owe you all a virtual hug :D   ----NEW UPDATE---- Editor's note: the body text for the latest update was saved before it got removed (due to the AITAH rules) Update #6 (final?): November 28, 2025 (five months later) Hey everyone! I can’t believe it’s been about so long since my last post it literally feels like a lifetime ago. I wanted to give you all a proper final update because so many of you followed along and supported me through what was one of THE most stressful periods of my life. Life is so much better now. I moved into the new flat upstairs with my friend back in July and it has been nothing short of amazing. It is really such a breath of fresh air. We actually talk things through, respect each other’s space, split bills on time and most importantly clean up after ourselves! We set boundaries right from day one and we have fully stuck to them and not argued once about anything. Onto the probably inevitable question: what happened to my old roommate and her boyfriend? They didn’t last long after my last post. I found out through a mutual friend that they officially broke up not too long ago - like a month or two ago? Apparently things got really toxic between them (well more than it already was). But he got arrested!!! Him and many others were caught doing a lot of cocaine supplying. Lol like really a lot of it. When I heard I didn’t know what to say at all because I was shocked but also not surprised if that makes sense??? As for my old roommate, she’s moved out of the area completely. I don’t know where exactly and I haven’t asked. After she left, she blocked me on Instagram and only Instagram which is weird lol. Thank you to everyone who interacted with my posts and commented or messaged me etc!!! I really appreciate it and I’m so happy this is all finally over! :-)   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I just lost my mini poodle, Hana earlier today. She just turned 3 years old a few weeks ago and during her young life, she accompanied me on 20+ trips in the backcountry. Whether it was keeping watch on my canoe, chasing the mice away at camp or sharing my sleeping bag in the tent, we were inseparable. But I failed her this morning. I parked my car on the far side of my street in front of my home and let go of her leash and told her to wait at the front door, which she does all the time. I unloaded my car, waited for an SUV to pass by before crossing when I saw my lifeless girl on the side of the street. She had run back to check on me and had gotten run over. I rushed over but it was quite obvious that nothing could be done. I could only put my hand on her still warm body and cry out that I was so sorry. It was such a preventable incident and my lapse in judgement failed her. I'm still trying to process what happened and in total shock. I'm so sorry, Hana. You were the best roommate, friend and outdoors partner I could ask for and yet I failed you. Please forgive me, my little girl. submitted by /u/0x2012 to r/poodles [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/fuzzyfrench Originally posted to r/Advice + r/AITAH + r/TrueOffMyChest Previous BoRUs: #1 [New Update]: How can I find peace in my twin sister’s death when I’m forced to live with my stepmom who caused it? NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: car accident, death of a loved one, emotional abuse and manipulation, infidelity, self-harm, suicide attempt, institutionalization, controlling behavior, isolation Mood Spoilers: deeply depressing RECAP Original Post: July 25, 2023 I (17F) had an identical twin sister. We were inseparable and did everything together. She was honestly my best friend. Last year in September, my stepmom had to pick us up from a volleyball game. Our dad usually picked us up, but he was out of town. She was an hour late because she forgot about us. Well on the way home, she kept ranting about how we disturbed her nap. Long story short, she ran a stop sign at an intersection. We got into a horrible accident. Most of that night was a blur, but I remember the last few minutes before the crash. I was hospitalized for weeks, but my twin sister passed away that night. I haven’t forgiven my stepmom. She refuses to acknowledge that she was in the wrong. Even though there were eyewitness present, she refuses to accept responsibility for causing the accident. I’m not an angry person. I’m a very calm and not confrontational at all. But I can’t even look at her without feeling like she stole from me. She stole my sister’s life away. And she acts like my sister never existed to begin with. One thing that really struck a nerve was when I was out at Walmart with my dad and stepmom. We had to buy something for my younger brother and they started a conversation with an old man. I can’t remember exactly what they were talking about, but the old man asked my dad how many kids he had. My dad said he had 4 kids, but my stepmom corrected him by saying, “No 3.” That just made me really sad. I didn’t speak to her the rest of the day. I can’t describe how I feel. I lost my best friend who I shared everything with. My sister knew exactly how I felt about everything because we experienced life together. Now, I constantly feel like I’m a zombie. I often dream about her, but when I wake up and reality hits it absolutely crushes me. Living is unbearable without my sister. Please ignore any spelling errors.   AITAH for confirming that I (17F) wished my stepmom died in a car accident?: July 25, 2023 (same day, one hour later) For some background, my dad cheated on my mom (with my stepmom). They ultimately got divorced, which was really hard on our family. My mom ended up moving back to her home country in Europe. My twin sister and I had to stay with our dad. I (17F) live with my dad, my stepmom and my younger brothers. Last year in September, my twin sister and I had a volleyball game at school. My dad was usually the one who picked us up from our games and practices, but he couldn’t that night. My dad was out of town, so our stepmom had to come pick us up. She arrived an hour late because she took a nap and forgot about us. As soon as we got in the car, she started going on a rant about how we disturbed her nap. Long story short, she ran a stop sign at an intersection. We got into a horrible accident. Most of that night was a blur, but I remember the last few minutes before the crash. I was hospitalized for weeks, but my twin sister passed away that night. I can’t describe how I feel. I lost my best friend who I shared everything with. My sister knew exactly how I felt about everything because we experienced life together. Now, I constantly feel like I’m a zombie. I’m not suicidal, but I often imagine/think about ending my own life because living is unbearable without my sister. Well last night, my stepmom made a special dinner for her birthday. After the accident, I stopped eating dinner with the rest of my family. It just feels wrong eating without my sister at the table, so I eat alone in my room. Well my dad insisted I eat with them downstairs. I protested, but he begged me. Dinner started off normally. My stepmom announced to my brothers (8M, 5M) and I that she was pregnant. My brothers were really happy and asked for the gender of the baby. My stepmom excitedly said that it was a girl. My brothers kept talking about they were excited about getting a younger sister. My stepmom mentioned how they could help decorate her nursery. I looked up and asked her, which room would be the nursery. She excitedly said that she was going to use my twin sister’s room. She mentioned how she already started removing things from her room in the morning and putting them in the attic. I asked her why she didn’t bother telling me before she went ahead and started moving my sister’s stuff. It was a big deal to me because aside from me, no one has been in her room since she’s passed. Sometimes when I miss her, I sit in her room to feel closer to her. And some nights, I fall asleep in her room. My stepmom got really defensive. She said that I needed to accept that she was having a baby and needed the empty room. I told her that I understood that she was pregnant, but a heads up would’ve been nice before she started removing things from my sister’s room. She looked at me and said that she didn’t need to tell me anything because she was the mother of the household. She said she was doing what was best for the interest of her baby and she didn’t need my negativity. I stayed silent trying to tune her out, but I snapped when she mentioned how I needed to accept my sister’s death and move on. She said something along the lines of, “(Your twin) passed away and you need to accept that. It’s hard, but you’ve got your father, your brothers and I. Plus, you’re getting a new sister who you can build a even stronger relationship with. You need to move on because nothing will bring (twin sister) back.” I knew I was getting angry, so I excused myself and left the table. My dad started yelling about how I was being dramatic and I needed to come back or I’d be grounded. I continued walking away, until my stepmom said, “I don’t understand what her problem is. She couldn’t even bother to be happy about my pregnancy, but she’s angry about me moving things out of an unoccupied bedroom.” I turned around and stared at her in disbelief. My stepmom often acts like twin sister never existed. An example, two months ago, I was at Walmart with my dad and stepmom. We were buying a birthday present for my younger brother and they got into a conversation with a older man. I wasn’t paying much attention, but the old man asked my dad how many kids he had. My dad said he had 4 kids, but my stepmom responded saying, “No 3.” She does stuff like that all the time, which drives me insane. I started going off on her and she sat there quietly. I mentioned how she’s been the cause of every major traumatic event in my life. I reminded her that she knowingly started sleeping with a married man. She knew he had a wife and kids, but she didn’t care. She broke up my family, sending my mom into a deep depression which ultimately lead her to move away. Then I reminded her that she was too preoccupied with ranting about how we disturbed her nap, which ultimately lead to a car accident that had me hospitalized for weeks. And I lost my twin sister because of her carelessness. I told her that she had no right to just take things out of my sister’s room. And I wasn’t angry about her new baby, but the fact that she started boxing and removing stuff from my sister’s room without even telling me in advance. Then finally I told her that it was cruel of her to tell me to “move on” from the traumatic death of my twin sister. She argued back that the accident happened and I was “living in the past.” She said everything happens for a reason and “God works in mysterious ways.” I straight up asked her if she thought that my sister’s death could not have been avoided. And she responded saying, “it was just unlucky fate.” I reminded her that my sister would be alive if she wasn’t distracted. My stepmom then told me that “I make her feel like I wanted her to die instead.” I just stayed silent and she kept asking me if she was correct. I turned to walk away and my stepmom grabbed my arm. I asked her to let go and she kept saying, “you want me dead don’t you?” I stayed silent again, but she kept repeating it. I eventually got mad and truthfully told her that, “my life would’ve been easier that way.” She started crying and my dad called me “heartless.” I did apologize a few minutes later, but my dad snapped and asked me leave my stepmom alone. Since then, my dad has been giving me the silent treatment while my stepmom just avoids me. AITAH? AITAH has no consensus bot, but based on top comments, OOP was voted NTA Relevant Comments Popular-Block-5790: You're definitely NTA. OP, I'm really sorry for your loss. Your feelings are completely understandable. Your stepmom and Dad are huge A H. Your Stepmom for various reasons including not stopping asking. She shouldn't ask if she didn't want an answer. Your Dad because he isn't protecting you and getting you the help you need. Can you talk with your mom about it? How involved is she? You're still her child. Is there any adult in your life that you trust and can help you? You need a mental health professional. You need tools to move forward. You have every right to be angry and feel what you feel. OOP: Yes, my mom is involved in my life. We text everyday and try to FaceTime at least twice a week. But my sister’s death was really hard on my mom. My mom’s mental health has been rocky for the past ten years, so I don’t want to trigger anything by telling her how bad I’m hurting. A year after my parents got divorced, my grandpa got really sick. He was diagnosed with a terminal illness. My mom decided to go back to Europe to help take care of her dad and spend time with him. She wanted to take my sister and I with her, but my dad fought her in court. Ultimately we had to stay with our dad in the US, but we traveled to France every summer. Even after my grandpa passed, my mom decided to stay in France. She told my sister and I that going back to the US would mentally destroy her. It was too many negative memories for her and she wanted to stay close to her mom. Aside from my mom and her family, all I’ve got is my friends. My dad was never close with his family. He’s got an older brother that I’ve never met. And I honestly don’t know much about my grandparents. I wanted to look into therapy, but my dad refused. He doesn’t believe that it will be helpful and says that it will “fill my brain with garbage.” He said that if I needed some advice or counseling, I could talk to him or my pastor, which I don’t feel comfortable doing. Elegant_Dirt_4479: how was she not charged if her running a stop sign caused the death? OOP: She was. She’s on probation and I think she also had to pay a fine. titsmcgee8008: Your dad is worried therapy will illuminate to you just how awful of a human being and father he is. Do you have a plan to get out once you are an adult? Are you planning on attending college/university? When you are 18, can you move to France to be with your mom? If you don't have an escape plan yet, I suggest you work on one. Unfortunately, your dad has proven that nothing ,not even the death of his child is enough for him to side with you or fight for you against your step-monster. Get your necessary documents (passport, birth certificate, social security card) and get a plan in place to leave as soon as you are 18. You are less than a year away, get ready for it and bounce. OOP: Thank you so much for the idea of an escape plan. I have dual citizenship, so I have thought about moving to France a lot. But honestly I don’t think it’s a good idea. I can speak French fluently and for the most part I can read it, but I can’t write in French. And my vocabulary isn’t really expanded if that makes sense. I do really well in casual/normal conversations, but since I’m only really around my family in France, I don’t know bigger/more professional words in French. So I’m afraid that might be a problem if I try to find a job there? But I’ve looked into colleges in my state and toured some with my friends. I’ve found one that I really like, so I plan on hopefully being able to attend once I graduate. My dad keeps all of my important documents, so I’ll try to find a way to convince him to give them to me.   Update: December 20, 2023 (nearly five months later) I’m sorry it took so long to get back to everyone, but a lot has happened in the last few months. To start, thank you all for the overwhelming support. I wasn’t able to read most of the responses to my last post because I went to sleep after posting it. When I woke up, there was several viral Tik tok videos about my situation. I didn’t know about any of that, but my stepmom’s younger sister saw one of the Reddit videos and sent it to their family groupchat. And my stepmom saw the video, and lost it when she read the comments. She took my phone, laptop, and grounded me right after I woke up. When my dad got home from work, he backed her up. Her entire family was furious, and my dad got yelled at by her parents. And they tried to force me to take the post down, but I wouldn’t give them my phone’s password, so there’s little they could do about that. They kept calling me insensitive and disrespectful for bringing strangers into a “private matter.” As a part of my punishment, I wasn’t allowed to leave my room. They wouldn’t allow me to use my phone or laptop to communicate with my mom at all. They said I could get those privileges back after they deemed that I learned my lesson. A week after everything, my stepmom lost her baby, and she blamed ME for it. She said I was causing the entire family too much stress. She just kept yelling at me that “i did this to her” and she refused to even glance in my direction. She had a huge argument with my dad about how she wanted me gone. She ended up staying with her parents for the night. And my stepmom even tried to turn my younger brothers against me, and it worked with the older one. My dad tried to convince me to apologize to her, but I didn’t even understand what I would be apologizing for. His wife’s pregnancy was already high risk due to many other issues. She has miscarried 3 babies in the past two years. I don’t know anything about her medical health, but i once overheard her talking on the phone about an abnormality she had that caused her to loose her other babies. And I just fell into a really bad place mentally after that. Four days after everything happened with my family, I tried to take my life. My dad and stepmom went out with my brothers, and I tried to overdose on Benadryl. It was the most painful experience of my life. I didn’t fell anything at first, but I eventually passed out. I don’t know how long I was out, but when I woke up I started throwing up. I was in so much pain, and could barely move. I can’t remember much, but I think I passed out again. And my little brother found me passed out and covered in vomit, and my dad ended up calling 911. I ended up in the ER. I can’t remember everything because it was a blur, but I had to drink activated charcoal, they ran a bunch of test, drew my blood and gave an IV. I was hallucinating for hours, and I woke up in a different hospital. I lied to my doctors about everything because I didn’t want to get in trouble, but I was still involuntary sent to a psychiatrist hospital anyways. My dad was against it, but i was there for a little over a week. I got into a lot of trouble for attempting to take my life. My dad didn’t speak to me for a week after I came home. While I was gone, my dad read all my journals where I wrote about how much I hated myself, my life and wish my sister was still alive. He also found out that I was hurting myself by reading it. He eventually made me read all the pages out loud to him, my stepmom and my pastor. And my pastor gave me a three hours lesson on letting go of anger and the past. They also took away my door because I “lost that privilege.” And my stepmom made it verbally known that she didn’t want me there anymore. My dad told me that he was going to send me to a behavioral camp/ teen residential program for troubled kids, since I tried to take my life. I still didn’t have any of my electronics back, and they refused to leave me alone for extended periods of time. So I had to stay in the living room all day, and could only go in my room when it was time for bed. My dad made me keep my door open while I showered, so my stepmom could monitor me. I wasn’t allowed to play volley ball this year as a punishment, which really sucked. I just felt so stuck and I knew that I’d be sent away to one of those awful camps. I’ve heard so many bad stories about them, so I took my stepmom’s iPad in the middle of the night. I was able to call my best friend. I explained everything to her. She told her parents, and they agreed to help me. I packed a few bags, took a bunch of things that remind me of my sister and planned to leave three nights later. I was able to get my birth certificate and social security card because I told my stepmom I needed them for a job interview at our church’s daycare. She surprisingly gave them to me. For two nights, my best friend would drive to my house at around 3 am to get some of my things and my sister’s old stuff. And then on the third night, I finally found where my dad was keeping my phone and laptop, so I took them back. And I left with my best friend that night. I don’t want to accidentally incriminate anyone, so I can’t say too much about what happened the night I left or who I was with afterwards. But my dad tried to press charges on several people, but that went no where. He gave up on trying to get me to go home because my stepmom was happy with me gone anyways. It’s been 3 months since I left, I’m happy to say that I’m safe. I haven’t heard from my dad or his wife in weeks. And from what I’ve heard, they’re not on good terms. I’m currently staying with my mom’s cousin, but once I graduate high school I plan on moving to Europe to be closer to my mom. I turned 18 today, I’m happy that I no longer have to legally see my dad again. Also, thank you for those who personally messaged me, gave me legal advice or even suggested I look into pursuing a lawsuit against my stepmother. Please excuse any spelling errors, this brought back a lot of negative emotions. Relevant Comments DrunkHornet: Ok... read both stories, but where the fuck is your real mom in all this? No calls, emails, txt's nothing? She moved to Europe, why cant you move to here and live with her and finish your education there, or even more so, why didnt you move in with her after your twin sister died... her daughter died? “"For some background, my dad cheated on my mom (with my stepmom). They ultimately got divorced, which was really hard on our family. My mom ended up moving back to her home country in Europe. My twin sister and I had to stay with our dad."" What is this HAD to stay with your dad thing? At this point aswell you are driven to suicide and already moved out, i would have taken the fastest plane ticket and see her because i would need her, and she would need you after 1 of her daughters died??? Well, whatever the case... Goodluck, its just weird to me, i would rather fail a year of education and start over then life in that household. OOP: It’s complicated. My mom and dad divorced when I was 8 years old. My mom moved to France a little after my 9th birthday. But before that, they had split custody. My mom tried to get full custody of us because she wanted to take us to France with her. But my dad fought her in court, and he ended up winning. My dad is significantly wealthier than my mom, so he had better legal presentation and tried to drag out the process for as long as possible. Ultimately, my dad was awarded full custody of us. And we only got to see my mom during the summer when visited her in France. We still kept in contact with her through calls and text messages throughout the year. After my sister’s death, my mom did come to the funeral. She and I pleaded with my dad to allow me to live with her. But he wouldn’t allow it, and she didn’t have the money to fight him in court. She tried reaching out to his pastor and his family to convince him, but they weren’t interested in getting involved. My dad threatened to take legal action against her if she didn’t leave his family alone. And after that, I didn’t have regular contact with my mom because she was struggling with her mental health and alcoholism. But she’s been to rehab, has been sober now for almost a year and she’s in therapy. We talk everyday and she’s been my rock through all of this. She’s doing a lot better, and came to see me last month for thanksgiving. And I’ve been staying with her cousin that’s been really nice.   ----OLD NEW UPDATE---- Editor's note: the latest update is over a year old, and it has not been posted onto the sub Trigger Warnings: self-harm / suicidal ideation I don’t think I can keep living without my twin sister anymore: August 4, 2024 (7.5 months later) My twin sister was killed almost two years ago in a car accident caused by my stepmother. My life has been a living hell since, and I’ve tried to find the will to keep going but I’m so tired. I think of her every single day, and everything reminds me of her. I remind myself of her just by looking in the damn mirror. I don’t want to forget about her, but it just hurts so much being constantly reminded by everything that she is gone. My sister was such a beautiful soul. I fucking hate that her last moments on earth were so horrible. Before she passed, I hadn’t been away from her for more than twelve hours. I’d give anything just to see her again. I can’t explain how I feel. I don’t necessarily want to die, but I don’t want to be here anymore. Every day is a blur, and I feel like I’m just going through all the motions. The only thing keeping me alive is my mom. She’s been doing really good with staying sober, but she’d probably go back into alcoholism if I ended my life. I just don’t know how long I can keep staying for her. I know how fucking selfish it is of me to even be thinking of it, but I’m in pain all the time. I just want it to stop, and nothing helps. Top Comments Commenter 1: It sounds like you need to seek some support for your mental health. What you’ve gone through is not a small thing. It is life changing and traumatizing. Please reach out to a therapist and maybe seek some grief support groups in your area. I don’t know you, but I have a sister. And I know that if I died or she died, we would want the other to be happy and healthy. I do hope you can find some peace. I know that’s what she would want for you Commenter 2: Grief is such a huge obnoxious and cruel jerk. It punishes us for losing people we love and then keeps popping up to punish us in new mean ways when we least expect it. You’re not alone and you need to get some help from a therapist or grief group or family or friends or all of those places. I’m not going to minimize how you feel. It’s terrible. But you are worth staying alive for. You deserve all the love and care you give to your sister and your mom. Commenter 3: Your sister would not have wanted you to hurt yourself. Your sister loved you; she would have wanted you to be happy and remember the good moments you shared. Please consider honoring her by living your best life. I agreed; your mom wouldn’t do well with both of you gone. Please seek medical services for your mind/body to help you heal from your loss. Life will get better with treatment and time. Blessings! Commenter 4: I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine losing a twin. Please see a medical professional for intervention as soon as you can -- suicidal ideation comes on a scale, and "I don't necessarily want to die, but I don't want to be here anymore" is very much a recognized spot on the scale towards the danger zone. I know it may feel like it all the time, but you are not alone. Therapy, medication, and mindfulness exercises are all possible things that could help, but step one is recognizing that you're not doing okay and that you're in danger of harming yourself, and seeking help. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk!   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Hi all! I’m so happy to have found this community after one of the most horrifying nights of my life. I was solo camping in southwest Alaska for a week in a campground. I didn’t have any neighbors since the way the campground was set up the majority of the people were across the road. I was in one of the 3 walk in sites right on the water and never had any other campers with me. Luckily the camp host was about a 2 minute walk away in his cabin. This gave me peace of mind and I had a good streak of not waking up fearful in the night. However, on my last night I woke up with an intense feeling of dread around midnight and was debating making the dash to my car. It was raining so I wasn’t keen on the walk and getting my pad and bag out of the tent and into the car and potentially getting everything wet in the process. Unfortunately my worst fears came true when I heard loud banging noises. I sat up and grabbed my bear spray and removed the safety and waited. Out of nowhere a brown bear swatted at my tent and started huffing and jaw popping within feet of me. I sat silently waiting. I didn’t want to deploy my bear spray inside the tent. It was hard to hear if it had left since it was raining. The noises the bear made were intense and unlike anything I had experienced before. I sat trembling for 30 minutes and didn’t know what to do. After about an hour I felt like the coast was clear and I opened up my tent up and tried to walk calmly to my car with my bear spray. I left my tent completely open with my sleeping stuff inside. I made it to the car and just sat until it was light enough to retrieve my sleeping gear from my tent. This has really rattled me, especially considering I was very diligent with my camp hygiene. I never cooked within my camp and didn’t even have my water bottle in my tent with me. I felt like I had done everything right and this still happened. In the morning the camp host and I tracked the bears prints and it seems like it when from my car and walked straight towards my camp. The bear also had ripped the mirror off of my rental car which might’ve been the noise that alerted me in the first place. Anyways, I’m just looking for advice from people that might’ve gone through something similar. How did you recover from this or do you have any future suggestions? submitted by /u/123abc503 to r/womensolocamping [link] [comments]

So this happened a few days ago at a grocery store. I was waiting patiently in my lane, and beside me was the priority lane for senior citizens, PWDs, etc. There were a couple of elderly people sitting on the chairs provided specifically for them while waiting for their turn. Pretty normal setup. Now some guy casually walks up and cuts right in front of the seated seniors. I speak up and say, “Hey, they’re already in line.” And this guy, without even looking at me, goes, “I don’t see them standing in line though.” Real smug. Real dismissive. The elderly folks looked uncomfortable but didn’t want to cause a scene. So I shut up... and I simmered. A few minutes later, we're still in the lanes and I notice his cart is stacked with what looks like camping gear such as a sleeping bag, paper plates, marshmallows, instant noodles, a portable stove, etc. And there it was: a single can of butane gas. And right there, I saw an opportunity. The guy’s blabbering on the phone, totally distracted. So I casually leaned over, plucked the butane from his cart, and slid it into mine. He didn’t notice. He checked out and left. I paid for my stuff including his butane, and walked away >:D. Somewhere out there, this man arrived at his campsite, probably boasting about how smart and quick he is. And when he tried to fire up that portable stove? No gas. No hot food. No coffee. Just crunchy noodles and the sweet taste of consequences, hopefully. Edit: Some stores where I'm from put up those plastic benches for priority lanes. Also, PWD means "People With Disability" :D submitted by /u/ImbaBrenny to r/pettyrevenge [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Mean_Trick_2315 Originally posted to r/daddit My brother called me at 2 am, in tears, asking if I’d raise his 2 year old. Now I'm scared. Dads—how do I help him right now? Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: severe depression, suicidal ideation Mood Spoilers: triumphant Original Post: May 19, 2025 Last week my older brother rang in the middle of the night. He was crying, like really crying, and asked me to promise I’d look after his little girl if anything ever happened to him. He’s always been steady. He sailed through their first kid’s newborn chaos. But since the second came along (she’s two now), something’s changed. He spends evenings alone in the driveway, just sitting in the car with the engine off. He moved into the spare room “so I don’t keep my wife up,” but it feels more like retreat than courtesy. During the day he texts “All good", without any unusual signs. I’m scared this is more than normal dad stress. He won’t bring it up with his wife, and I don’t want to bulldoze him, but I also don’t want to wait for another 2 am call. For parents (or anyone who’s been the worried sibling): what actually helped you when the fear and isolation took over? How do I start the conversation about therapy or support without making him shut down? Any ideas welcome; I just want my brother present and okay for his kids. Edit #1: I read every single comment, thank you! The message is loud and clear: that 2 a.m. call was a SOS, not “dad stress”. I’m flying out Tonight (waiting for the weekend felt dumb). Plan is simple: over breakfast I’m going to ask him straight up: “Are you thinking about killing yourself?”, if the answer is even close to a yes, we’ll call 988 or go to a doctor together. Then I’ll drag him outside the house to do something he used to love, maybe golf, maybe steakhouse or a bad action movie, just to let his brain breathe and create rooms for him to open up. At some point, I’ll loop his wife in gently so she’s not in the dark. Ticket is booked. He thinks I’m in town for work. I’ll keep you posted. Thanks for pushing me off the couch. UPDATE #1: Got to his place, he smiled when he opened the door. My tears almost slipped out, but I held it together. Low key catch up tonight and real talk tomorrow, will be back with updates. booked a flight, confronting him tomorrow Update #2: I flew out and I’m camped on my brother’s couch. Big midnight porch confession—debt, depression, the whole lot. If you want the full rundown (and some questions I need help with) it’s here Thanks again—your advice got me on the plane. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: PPD is also a thing for dads OOP: PPD was my first thought too. Problem is, in his town “dads don’t get depressed,” so reaching out looks like weakness. Resources are basically nil. Super frustrating. If anyone knows legit dad-friendly help, please drop it. Commenter 2: If my brother called me at 2am like this, I'd be asking my wife to watch my daughter for a couple days and booking a flight out to visit. I'd probably take him out for drinks and beat the explanation of how he was feeling out him. If I felt pretty confident that he wasn't actually as critically unstable as he seemed in the 2am call, I might put the trip off for a few days. If he wanted, I'd make some excuse about having business in the area, but I wouldn't avoid the visit. The dude needs someone to talk to if he's breaking down like this at 2am. Could be anything from financial stress to just plain old chemical depression. OOP: Thanks for the reality check, you’re right, I can’t just chalk that call up to stress. He’s always been the family rock, so seeing him crack like that was a gut punch. I’m lining up a visit ASAP, no big agenda, just showing up and letting him talk. Appreciate the push, Reddit brother. OOP on knowing if her brother drinks or not to cope with his depression OOP: It never occurred to me he could be drinking on the side. I’m his sister, so getting a guy’s perspective on how men sometimes hide this stuff is really helpful. I’m flying out this weekend so he’s not alone with the spiral. Really appreciate the advice. Do you think he will be honest with me if I ask him about the drinking issue? Commenter 3: Is the 2nd kid his? I'd wonder if he found something out that made him separate from his wife intentionally since the birth... OOP: I did not think of that. He did ask me to take care of his little one (2nd kid), my assumption is unlikely, but there's definitely some issue with their relationship. Commenter 4: Lurking mom here; as someone who has had very severe depression, with suicidal ideation and put plans in place, this is worthy of a five alarm siren. Your brother needs your help NOW. I cannot tell you how bad it had to be for me to reach out for help; I am always outwardly steady and very good at hiding my depression. You need to, as someone else said, beat the explanation of how he is feeling out of him. Do not allow yourself to be shrugged off and do not let him act like it’s not a big deal or you are overreacting. OOP: Big props to you for speaking up, your honesty is the wake-up call I needed. Thank you. OOP should help look into getting therapy for her brother OOP: He’s pretty therapy-shy, so I’m looking for softer on-ramps, maybe a standing coffee walk with a dad buddy, or maybe there's an app with check-in like “Not OK"? Anything that feels like hanging out rather than sitting on a couch in the therapist's office. If you’ve got other low-key ideas, I’m all ears. OOP needs to follow her gut feelings from that 2AM phone call, likely the call for help OOP: My inner voice was telling me that this is not the typical thing, thank you for the validation, I'm booking the ticket now.   Update #1: May 22, 2025 (three days later) My brother called me at 2am: "If I don’t make it, promise you’ll raise my kids." So I flew across the country. Now I’m on his couch, and here’s what I just learned: Last night we wound up on his back porch around midnight, baby monitor humming between us. It was quiet for a long stretch, then he started talking, and the words poured out, pretty soon we were both wiping our eyes. He’s embarrassed I flew across the country to “babysit” him, but even more scared about what would happen to his kids if he ever hit the point of no return. His business is buried in debt and a few clients still haven’t paid, so every bill feels like a gut punch. Home is tense too. He took clients to a strip club on a work trip, told his wife right away so there were no secrets, tried to be close later and she pulled back. He says that felt like the biggest humiliation of his life, and now he freezes whenever things might turn intimate. Back in February he went to his PCP because he couldn't sleep. The doctor ran a quick screen, called it severe depression, and put him on meds. He didn’t tell anyone, because “talking to a stranger won’t fix it” and he figured he could muscle through. Meanwhile he feels responsible for his wife, the kids, our parents, even me. At one point he said, “I can’t breathe.” The only thing that yanks him out of dark thoughts is his toddler’s face in the morning. I pulled out my phone and showed him this Reddit thread: thousands of strangers pacing over his 2 am call. He shakes his head and laughs: “I felt bad stressing you out—now the whole internet’s sweating over me.” A bit of the weight slid off right there. Then I reminded him how many times I’d drafted him as my bodyguard while growing up, chasing off boys I didn’t like and listening to me cry when the ones I liked didn’t like me back. We cracked up at how he’s been my unofficial relationship therapist forever while insisting he’s “bad at feelings.” That laugh felt good, but one porch talk isn’t a cure. So here’s my ask: * Therapy-averse dads or moms who finally went: What flipped the switch for you? * Depression survivors: What was the very first step that gave you air? * 2 am panic veterans: When you couldn’t call anyone, what kept you from tipping over? Short answers, long stories, whatever helps. This sub already got me on a plane, maybe you’ll get him to real daylight. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Not directly what you asked about, but if he has clients that aren't paying, assuming he's a contractor or freelancer, and he has some documentation, he can absolutely take them to small claims court over it. I have an acquaintance who did this, he was getting stiffed by a two clients, a small business and another mid sized local business, and he sent them notice they were late and that he'd be taking them to court in 7 days. One paid up immediately on the threat, the other didn't, he represented himself in small claims court, the judge found in his favor, end of story. Obviously this might feel like an extra thing to take on, and he'd need to do some research, but it could help relieve some financial stress. Small claims court is underrated, you can even sue large companies there in some cases OOP: This is helpful, thank you! I'll pass this along to my brother. Commenter 2: I was therapy adverse. I realized that I don’t go for me, I go for my kid. I want to be better and have a better grasp on issues so I can model it for my kids. I want a healthy relationship with boundaries, self image, money, etc, because my folks didn’t and I see all that in me. I want to stamp it out at me, it ends with my generation. Tell your brother, if his toddlers face is the only thing that pulls him out of the dark, make it so that the dark disappears as much as it can and the burden isn’t on his kid. It’s not his kids job to get him through. It’s his job. Talking is helpful. Have him talk to his wife more about what happened and how he feels about how she treated him. OOP: "It’s not his kids job to get him through. It’s his job." - I think that will speak to him. Thank you. Commenter 3: Dad, physician and therapist activist. I know it may feel like "talking to a stranger"... Because that's what it is... In the beginning. A few things to understand - you have to find the right person for you. I realized that I would prefer a male, after seeing 2 women, because they'd relate better to me. Then I realized I'd prefer a younger male over an older male. Then a colored male over a white male. Eventually.. it just clicked. And it becomes a feeling of "wow.. this person, gets me!" Then this person gets to know you and can allow you to view these issues in a different light, ask you questions that maybe you haven't thought about and, most importantly, give the tools to help process and heal the thoughts you may have. You are making REALLY good progress. I commend your commitment and love for your brother, I wish more of my patients had that support system. Continue what you're doing, continue showing up and continue recommending he find the right therapist for him. Healing your mental health takes work, it's not an easy fix, and it takes time. OOP: Appreciate the reminder that finding a therapist is a bit like dating, you keep looking until the fit feels right. Thanks for the encouragement and for spelling out what a good therapist actually brings to the table.   Editor's Note: the body text for Update #2 was saved before it got removed Update #2: May 26, 2025 (four days later) Hey. It’s the sister with the 2am call—back because something wild happened. Quick recap for anyone just dropping in: A few days ago at 2am, my phone lit up. My brother asked if I could take care of his kids if something bad happened. The words sounded practical, the hour felt like a silent goodbye. I came here and told you everything. You answered, hundreds of you. Last night we read all 700-plus replies together. Each line felt like someone farther up the trail flashing a light back toward us. He set the phone down, shook his head, and said: He asked me to pass along what landed, his lines and my narration around them. 1. “How did we all miss the sirens?” Thread after thread told the same gut-punch story: brothers cracking jokes at dinner, FaceTiming goodnights—and then gone. Some waved flags (good-bye texts, sudden giveaways). Others wore flawless masks: meds skipped, plans canceled, eyes smiling but empty. His takeaway: Stop betting on “maybe tomorrow.” Ask the blunt question. Knock anyway. Fire off the midnight check-in. Mine: Show up first, hope later. Drag them to the doctor today, not when the calendar clears. One knock at the right moment can keep a life from swinging shut. 2. Therapy: jack, not tow truck He dodged therapy for years—“real men fix flats alone.” Then one analogy finally landed. His takeaway: If you won’t grab a tool for yourself, grab it so your kids don’t grow up thinking silence is strength. Mine: Therapy isn’t a rescue crew; it lifts the frame so you can work. If the first jack slips, swap it and keep going. 3. Depression never really moves out We finally admitted it: depression doesn’t pack its bags. Most of us just learn to walk with the limp while acting like everything’s fine. Relief looks different for everyone: weights, riffs, sketchbooks, meds, CBT drills, but even the best routine collapses when you’re alone and the limp turns to sludge. Action beats rumination: ping a friend, walk a block, book the labs, anything. His takeaway: Depression wins if I freeze alone. Any motion with people: Lifting, riffing, walking, talking, pumps oxygen back into the day. Mine: Normalize the limp, keep nudging toward motion, and never let anyone walk that limp alone. 4. The 2 am Kill-Zone That’s when the brain rips off its daytime mask and insists the only exit is to stop breathing. Two refrains echo: “I wish he’d called” and “I had no one to dial.” We’re never true islands, even a lone rock has fish swirling underneath, so reach out when you can’t pull yourself back. His takeaway: When tunnel vision hits, a live voice is the crowbar that pries the door back open. Mine: Build fail-safes before the kill-zone. Keep numbers pinned, plans primed, and remember: if you can’t calm your own storm, send a signal—someone’s awake and willing to steer you till morning. Why I’m writing (and staying) I’m typing parts of this in tears because the reality of almost losing my brother finally sank in. Humanity is rare on the internet, but this thread flooded us with it. If these words keep even one more family from that edge, sharing them is a must. No one should die of lonely suffering. Even a “lone” island isn’t truly alone; life teems beneath the surface. Let’s prove that to anyone who feels stranded. What We Still Need — Add Your Piece I’m still wiping tears because if I hadn’t acted on what the dads and moms here shared, I might be planning my brother’s funeral right now. Your advice saved him, so I’m leaning in again: If you’re still in the thick of it: -What’s weighing on you right now? Money panic, med roulette, zero support circle, name it so we can all see it. If you’ve made it to steadier ground: -What do you wish you’d done sooner, or wish existed, when things were darkest? -What’s actually helped you fight back? A habit, a line, a resource - share the thing that really moved the needle. Everything you offer will go into a living guide we can all lean on. One late-night thread kept my brother here; together we can keep the next family whole. Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: This is why we are here! Y’all made my day just now! OOP: ❤️❤️ I'm really grateful to come across with all the amazing dads and moms here. Commenter 2: Thank you for taking the time to write this. The referenced discussion was something I missed but I'm glad I clicked on this one. There's one huge thing that keeps me coming back to this subreddit. To remind myself that I'm not alone when I struggle. Not ever. OOP: I’m so glad you found this one, and thank you for saying that. That exact feeling, “I’m not alone” is what kept me holding it together while writing and reading through tear Commenter 3: This is outstanding progress. Im proud of you both. He HAS to fix his business. For small business owners, mental health and the business performance are impossible to seperate. He cant do it alone. Just like therapy, he needs to bring in someone that can shine a light where it needs to be. Thats not weakness, thats just being smart and using someone else's skillset. You (he) can do this! OOP: Yes, the business still needs to be figured out, but he can't do it unless he's mentally stable, so one step at a time. Thank you for the support!   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not OP. That is u/Constant_Barnacle992 who posted to r/TrueOffMyChest TW: neglect Big thanks to u/LucyAriaRose for letting me know about the update Original Boru 2nd Boru New post will be marked with 🛑🛑🛑. Original Post April 22nd, 2024 TL;DR skip to the bottom. I (m43) try to do my best to provide for my wife (f38) and 2 kids (3,5) as well as my MIL and would like to think I am doing a decent job. Over the years, I worked to improve our family’s living situation, not only did I complete another bachelors and recently masters in a STEM related degree, I at the same time worked 2 full time jobs (while completing my 2nd bachelors) and put my wife through school as well. She completed a degree where she could make good money (~60-70k/yr) in a healthcare field that always has jobs available. But with the birth of our 2 kids, she has since “gave up” on her career to be a SAHM for the time being. At first it was a struggle while I was finishing up my masters. Once I completed it, after our youngest turned 3 my career took a jump up and we are now able to afford our single income household in a more feasible manner. We’re far from rich but do ok for a single income family of 4 (a little north of 150k base+ bonuses). The past year life was overwhelming per my wife, so even though I now work 75% from home, I budgeted to hire a daytime nanny to help her around the house with 1 child while the other is in school now My day starts everyday around 530-6am. I get the house ready for the day before the nanny comes at 8am, I get our oldest up and ready for school, breakfast made, and plan out my day, bring our oldest to drop off, and be home in time to let the nanny in. My most recent task at work has me grounded for the next 2 months meaning I am now 100% WFH, while this is nice, I am busy in meetings all day as my role manages teams on a global scale as I oversee projects from my industry. For the past 1 ½ months, I realized… my wife as much as she says her life is stressful at home… starts at 10am. I asked my MIL and nanny if this was always the case after a week or so of wfh, and they both responded more or less… sometimes earlier sometimes later. My wife literally wakes up and cooks and then scrolls through her phone or shops from home… which brings me to my gripe. I am glad I am able to provide her that sort of life since we both grew up lacking in means. I get the possibility of postpartum depression, the stress of having kids, the feeling of being unfulfilled, the fact that I probably am a shitty husband… but for what it’s worth… everything is taken care of and then some. I manage the houses finances (she claimed she was too busy to do so), pay all the household bills, I pay my own personal bills, I pay her bills, track and perform all the upkeep of our house appliances/cars/pets/etc., and I also “help” pay for my MIL’s medical bills and car note. …but apparently my life is on easy street compared to hers. I can't decompress to her because it seems like she always feels the need to 1 up me. I had a bad day… but she had it worse cause I’m lucky I got to go away and work… My feet hurt from walking all day during work travel, which is nothing compared to her standing and cooking with a child clinging to her. For the past 2 or so years… I’ve been told I ruined her life, her opportunities, etc… but when I reminded her of what she says, she denies and dodges accountability. My MIL has brought me aside and stated she’s noticed a change in both myself and my wife. I have a greater attachment to my kids and hell… I’ve hugged the dogs and talked to them more about my life than to my wife. I honestly feel like I am in emotional survival mode as I’m one step from moving up the career ladder and one step away from finding love and comfort from the bottom of a whiskey bottle. I’m sure I’ll be hearing from the manly men of reddit about how I’m simping… but I’m not a machine. I just want to know and feel that someone I prioritize aside from my kids appreciates and loves me for what I do… I’m sure I’ll hear from the stay at home moms of reddit… which is fine. I grew up in a single parent/mother household. It’s not easy… and honestly with the help of her mother and a nanny Mon-Fri, for one toddler while another child is at school… Can you honestly tell me she’s having the typical SAHM experience? Because neither my friends or colleagues who are single parents can say she is. I’m sure the masses of holier than thou redditors will consider this a poorly written fanfic, but it is what it is. TL;DR Long story short, It feels as if my wife has checked out of our marriage… we’re only roommates where she can still reap the marriage benefits. I’m not asking for her to throw herself at me all the time and let me do whatever I want… I really just want to be told I’m doing good and just offer me some form of emotional comfort as simple as a hug, but I guess as the man who ruined her life, I deserve it. *Thank you for the replies. To add more context: Never cheated. I do work in an industry that has a large female population, but I’m literally an open book with work, name colleagues and staff under me, she has access to my work agendas and correspondence if she really wanted to snoop, but on that note she still doesn’t know what exactly I do for a living at this time… We as whole family her parents and mine have tried to get her to go to therapy but she refuses or skirts around the issue. Aside from my coming from a single mother household perse, my biological dad was present in my life. She has had both parents in a reportedly monogamous marriage for over 40 years. I have tried to talk to her about everything and my own feelings but again… 1 upmanship tends to be the trend here. What I am getting out of the marriage was asked… now, aside from my 2 beautiful kids, I’ve been asking myself that same question. We have a near nonexistent sex life mainly since last year. I always figured maybe it’s part of depression or whatever she may be going through… maybe I’m just not attractive enough or just horrible in bed because of my health conditions… I’m not some super model husband but temptation and opportunity does knock and I can perform still but I never give in, because as cliche as it sounds I honestly do love my wife and want to only be with her. I’ll give credit where credit is due as I don’t want to sound biased: when I say she wakes up and cooks she cooks for everyone in the house. Myself, kids, MIL, and even nanny. Aside from breakfast she cooks all meals and snacks. I typically fast until lunch time and our oldest tends to eat a small simple breakfast incase they don’t like what school serves that morning. She does load both the kids and her laundry… but seldomly folds and puts them up. I typically do my own and the rest of my clothes I dry clean because they’re work clothes. She does keep track of our pantry and fridge? But after she makes the list I’m the one who goes out and buys everything if not delivered. She does clean our bathrooms and house 50% of the time, the other 50 is done by either MIL or myself or sometime nanny if she feels like being extra helpful. Prior to nanny, my MIL was the main help for my wife up until she had unexpected medical needs. So I opted to hire a nanny to help them both, more so when MIL is having treatments and recovering. UPDATE 06May2024. Not sure if anyone would read this, but thank you for those who have reached out and chit chatted. While I know I’ve kept my newfound friends here updated, I figured I just update my post and keep it short. I showed my wife my post the following weekend and she read it and all the comments. Long story short, argument, she left our house to stay with her sister, and I’ve been a “single parent” since. It’s sad to say, aside from the goodnights to our kids it’s all pretty much the same routine. Nothing much else to say other than thank you for all the kind words of encouragement. ***just need to add, this post got bigger than I expected from a venting post but I’ve responded to a few comments. Nonetheless, thank you for the comments and DMs… and more so for the offers to let me ruin your life ha. It’s been the highlight of my day/night as I sit here drinking with my dog while everyone else is asleep. It feels depressingly sad that I feel that I have to turn to random internet strangers for some sort of validation in my rant. My apologies in advance as I try to keep this as vague as possible. I ruined my wife’s life… again June 3rd, 2024 I just wanted to update those who have been kind enough to check up via DM and comments. Apologies in advance for the lengthy post. It’s a bit of irony and coincidence that I made a follow up from the update on 06May2024 I made on my original post during men’s mental health awareness month but I could really use another outlet outside of my therapist. My apologies if this isn’t the story book ending/destroying of a relationship people were hoping for… To save you a read. Wife left. Came back like nothing happened. She made it about her. Nothings changed. I’m continuing to be suffering mentally knowing nothing will change while trying to keep it together for our kids. Lots of take out. The day after she packed up and left, my wife attempted to come back and take the kids with her to her sister’s. Naturally I was against this and thankfully so was her whole family including said sister. Not only was it not fair to our kids for her to sweep them away into a home that’s not theirs but to put that financial and housing stress on the rest of her family since she doesn’t work and her sister and her family (husband and 3 kids) stays with their dad in the house they grew up in. After a little over a week of being away, I guess she cooled off so she just decided that it would be fine if she walked in the door with her bags as if she just came back from Target. She came into my office while I was working and angrily stared at me while I sat on a conference call meeting with my team and I couldn't just jump off as this is a busy time of the quarter for us. I guess that didn’t sit well with her because once I took off my headset and closed my laptop she started yelling at me about how much I really don’t care about her and her well being overall. At that moment I couldn't do anything more than look at her and just shake my head. Mother in law came in after hearing my wife yelling and pulled her away, telling her to not bother me, while our nanny kept our youngest away from it all on the other side of the house. That night after the kids were put to bed, I sat in my office by myself with a drink as I have been doing for the past nights and my wife came in. We talked. We argued. We cried. We drank. One thing led to another and we were in bed. I wish I could say that was our making up but the next sobering morning as we laid there, she went on about how hard it was for her the time she was gone. Literally… it was about her struggles staying at her family house in her old room with her dad and sister’s family. How lucky I am to be able to stay here and do this and that and buy this or do that and not stress as much as they did. How easy MY and everyone else's in our family lives are compared to hers even though we had similar upbringings… My mind and heart broke that morning. I’ve been spiraling down since then and this last week I made another attempt to reconcile and talk things out, but I was met with a shouting match while trying to express my current stress and anxieties with life and work in general: Wife: ”... well do you know how hard this is all for me? You’re supposed to help me be happy.” Me: “So when it comes to my happiness, stress, needs, and overall well being… fk me get over it right? ” Wife: “ We all have our own problems, you need to figure it out and get over them.” I don't know who the woman I am at home with is but that wasn’t the woman I married and vowed to spend my life with and raise our kids together. Since that conversation, I’ve been noticeably distant with her. I’ve been sleeping in my office or on the couch or with my kids in their bed after putting either one of them to sleep. Still doesn't change her starting her day at 10am… and sitting on her phone talking to her mom groups between cooking meals with the kids in both mother in law and nanny’s care. Nothing has changed and I doubt that anything will change. Sadly, I think even if we got a divorce, nothing would change or feel different anyway since during my wife’s leaving the days seemed like any other day except with a little more take out than usual. My main fear there isn’t that I wouldn’t just lose my wife, I’d lose my kids in the process. So I guess it’s sad to say the grand finale to my story with like alot of men and some women I’ve talked to here, I’ll just continue to smile and suffer in silence. *First off, thank you for all the comments and DMs.Some context and clarification since admittingly my post was emotionally charged since I typed it up after another argument. * Post birth, our kids pediatrician’s office gave my wife those PostPartum Depression screening forms and during the time of both she scored pretty high and was suggested to see a therapist. With our second child she scored significantly higher and we or I should say I made an effort to get her the help she needs. She refused, so entered mother-in-law and nanny for support… I know what people will say/think, but this is one of the reasons I am not 100% ready to just give up and file our life together away. Also, I know silently suffering in the near and long run of our kids' future will not add to a healthy atmosphere, but neither would a bitter and hate filled divorce. I know some have compared it to the ripping off a bandage, saying it’ll hurt at first but that pain goes away but I’d rather try to spare my kids thinking that their parents ended up hating each other because of them or something along those lines. I’ve told a few ppl I talk to in DM since my last post, a little more insight on my personal life, prior to my promotion I was a PM managing teams and budgets so out of habit I plan for a lot of “what ifs.”. That being said, I made a number of contingency plans if sadly things went south. So, yes I: Have talked to a lawyer, 3 actually. Know our rights and what each of us are entitled to. Have a draft settlement created and on hold until I feel I need to use it. I know what I want and am willing to offer more than what is fair for our kids' well being, but also have a plan if we end up going to court. It’s 100% on me that I’m suffering in silence, but I’m too stubborn to just give up so while I am venting, I don't expect anyone to “feel sorry for me”. I endure it to keep the norm our kids know, ensure my MIL’s treatments go uninterrupted, and of course the hope my wife would finally be open to give therapy a shot and climb together to a better place. Thank you all again. I ruined my wife’s life… so I ruined everyone else’s too July 1st, 2024 First and foremost TL;DR: I’m done. Wife said I don't do and am not shit in front of the therapist and family fathers day dinner. She got served. She mad. She is trying to act perfect and I’m just waiting while taking care of my family (kids, my mom, and MIL). Oh well, I’ll just ruin everyone else's life too in my family Secondly,to clear some confusion… I did NOT get 2 bachelors and a masters while working 2 jobs at the same time as some readers are assuming. Bachelors #1 graduated in the early 2000s. Bachelors #2 via online years (2 classes a semester) later while working 2 full time jobs (job #1 hospital 36/48 schedule job #2 big box store 32-40hrs spread out 7 days a week) to pay for both my and my wife's tuition because she decided to go back to school before we had kids… After graduating from Bachelor’s #2 and entering the industry I am in now, I was able to work 1 job and get my masters. So no I did not get 3 degrees at the same time or in that close succession… and I am surprised that I actually have to spell this out as someone working 2 jobs while going to school isn't that uncommon, or at least that’s what I thought? My wife chooses not to work. She DOES technically have a job. She just barely works it to the point we forget she has a job, as in she worked 1 day 4-5 months ago for 8 hours on a Tuesday kind of barely works. Her job and manager is really supportive (Flex PRN model) and gives her a list of days they need coverage and she can choose to pick up a shift or not. While she can work more and only does just enough to keep up her license, she complains to our family of her career being on hold for one reason or the other although she has the opportunity to work more if she opted to. All things considered she has an available supportive circle around her for either decision she falls on. Our family, her job, and I have made multiple offers and taken many steps to open that door for her to go back to work, i.e. Nanny, MIL moved in to help, I work from home, her crazy flex prn schedule, etc. etc… but here we are. I am and have been in therapy for myself already. Aside from what I deal with at home, my work can be very debilitating in regard to my mental health as well as physical at times. Since I can't find the support I need mentally and physically at home with my wife, I’ve opted to attend therapy rather than find comfort with someone outside of the home or at the bottom of a bottle. I’ve tried to express this to my wife and as mentioned in my previous post...she has a habit of 1 upping me… and here we are. My Inlaws are still married, given the circumstances in our home, my MIL moved in to help out my wife, while my SIL and her family moved back into their parent’s house due to their own reasons. SIL and her family can save money while getting back on their feet, and my wife and I benefit from MIL’s help and we can keep a closer eye on her while she undergoes bi monthly treatments . My wife by means of questionnaires is highly suspected to have PPD alongside with a history of symptomatic OCD, ADHD, amongst other ailments that over the years she refused to get evaluated for or refused to accept results given. I knew what I was getting into and I love and accepted my wife for these flaws as she did mine at the time… Spare me your “ i don't feel sorry for you” or pity. I am like every other man who fell in love and wanted to give my person the best of me and the world I can offer… but again, here we are. There’s a lot of manly men/redpill nation guys out there complaining and saying I’m “simping” over my wife. While I respect your own opinions and perspectives, I will outright say, if this situation was only affecting my life… I would’ve left a long time ago. As one redditor said in a past comment that stuck to me, “I am the kind of person that will take a bullet for his kids…” maybe it’s in a different context intended, but to protect my children from any harm physically or mentally… I’ll take the proverbial bullet if and as needed. I’d like to think other dad’s out there would respond to the duty to protect their children, and that’s why I endured as much as I have. For the time being I would rather my wife use me as an outlet for whatever her problems were vs. our kids. Thank you all for the comments and reaching out. I’ve met many strangers who have become great reddit pen pals and some who have been in the know of every step that has been progressing to this point. I am surprised at how far this has gone, from other subreddits, other platforms, and even YouTube. Love me, hate me, say it’s all fake, no matter where you stand thank you for all the constructive comments and DMs to check in. Our kids and myself are going to be alright moving forward. Now for the update. The end of an era. This will be shorter than some expected, as really there’s not much to say but just satiate the questions some of you may have had and give people the satisfaction of the “I told you so” moment on Reddit. After a hard push from our family via an “intervention,” my wife and I finally attempted to go to marriage counseling. I’m sure many of you can guess how well that went. Blame. Tears. Regrets. Gas lighting. With a side of I am the reason for her life being ruined and horrible. Again. Just this time in front of a licensed therapist instead of reddit or mom groups. In the end, everything the therapist suggested and noted went over her head and ignored as it was against the grain of her status quo. One thing I guess worth saying was the therapist asked if she could recall when she last truly felt happy. Her response was about 12 or so years ago. Please note, 12 years ago she was still in her 20’s. Childless. Living with her ex. A vastly different time and position in life. I know it’s petty of me but I guess if that’s when she was last happy, it wouldn’t be that far of a stretch for her to find that happiness again since her ex is in the same apartment, job, and place in life that he was 12 years ago. Which is fine, if that’s how you want to live life, I try not to judge but in my 40s with kids, going clubbing 3-4 days a week is not my jam anymore. And of course… I don't want my kids around a mom and company who drowns themselves in Whiteclaws. To add, I know some will ask, I know and can confirm she hasn’t physically cheated on me but can’t confirm if she did emotionally (if that’s the right term?). After said therapy session I checked all her phone record’s and didn’t see anything out of the ordinary, but I also didn’t bother to check apps like IG or Snapchat. I know I'm probably boring, but shout out to all the Costco dad’s who’s Sunday Funday includes making rounds with kids for samples. The following weekend was Father’s day, and this year as expected not that big of a celebration as it is for many dads out there. Our family got together to celebrate with a BBQ and just simple family time, and my wife treated it like any other day. Sleep in. Get up. Cook. Phone. Shop. Attempt to play with kids. Phone. During said family BBQ my wife said she felt ill, so she sat around most of the day while the rest of the family as a whole made the experience enjoyable. When everything was set up and the family all sat at the table, her parents and sister’s family, my mother, our kids, admittingly it was a great spread, nothing extravagant but just a great meal for everyone. I was conversing with my brother in law about both of our kids' school Father’s day activities and I assume my wife overheard when I mentioned that it was a little sad to see some kids sit alone without their fathers during the Breakfast with Dad event I attended. She blurted out with a laugh loud enough for the whole room to hear, “ It’s not like you do anything anyway, I could’ve gone instead…” At that moment I was red and at a loss for words sitting there processing what she said in my head, while the dining room went dead silent. My MIL broke the awkwardness and in response said,” Well… maybe if you feel that way, one of you should divorce the other.” My wife looked at my MIL confused that she would respond with that and laughed mockingly in my direction and with her hand pointing at me said, “ …as if another woman would want a man like him? Just look at you.” while the room sat silent. I was angry, heart broken, confused, and embarrassed all at the same time. In manly man fashion, I just nodded my head in silence, stood up, and picked up my keys and got in my truck and drove off to get a drink while trying to ignore the cries of the rest of the family and our kids telling me to stay. I don’t know what was said or done while I was out of the house the rest of Sunday, because I couldn't bring myself to check our house cameras, but when I returned early Monday morning, the house had a completely different feel. As usual, I woke up around 6, got the house and our oldest ready for school drop off. Checked emails. Checked messages, nothing out of the ordinary. As I was getting dressed to leave, my wife laid in our bed snoring lightly. All i could do was look at her and think of what we had… and now lost. I’ve decided. I’m done. I can't do this anymore. I texted my lawyer that morning to move forward with serving her. Fast forward to last week, she was served at our home (reminder to people I had no choice but to be there because I work from home). She had, I guess what you could call a mini meltdown and came into my office screaming how could I do this to her? Her mother intervened, and that was met with me supposedly turning her whole family against her. But I digress, I probably would’ve felt bad if it wasn’t immediately followed by the rest of her week acting as if she’s been this active and attentive wife and mother the past few years. Sure people can say she’s making an attempt.. but she’s made many “attempts” and historically we fall back to where we’ve been. For those curious, I am aiming for full or at least majority custody of our kids. I already and will continue to cover all the expenses for our kids, insurance, tuition (both of our kids are/will be attending private schools come fall), medical bills, etc. My MIL has given me the courage and strength that helped supplement my own mother’s support throughout this. Basically she is what I hoped the kind of mother/wife my wife would have been to our kids and me. Out of respect for my MIL as well as per my own mother’s shared wishes, I will continue to help oversee and contribute financial help if needed during her treatments. While some may feel I should cut their whole family off, I know the hardships pushed onto a family while dealing with cancer and have dealt with it first hand as a family member and care provider on both sides of the desk. All in all, I’m prepared to go to “war” if needed but I just want a clean no fuss divorce. My wife has no alimony coming, so sorry for the redditors and mommy gang facebook groups saying she needs to divorce me first and get that “sweet sweet alimony money.” 1. We live in a state that does not typically enforce alimony 2.she has a means of gainful employment immediately 3. To help curb any possible problems I will cover her insurance and bills until either divorce is finalized or when she gains full employment. So that’s that. I’m done and waiting for the steps to be taken for everything to be finalized. Sorry it wasn’t as exciting of a story with plot twist as some may have hoped for but that’s life. Not sure I’ll update this once it's all finalized, which probably won't be for a few more months depending if we go to “war” or not. 🛑🛑🛑. I ruined my wife’s life… and I don’t care anymore. Feb 19th, 2025 In respect to the subreddit, I guess I should get it off my chest that as much as I don’t want to care anymore, I still do to some degree. Thank you for all the comments, messages, and to the handful of people who have become reddit pen pals throughout my journey in this matter. It took some time for me to update as between adjusting to my new life and slowly cutting ties with the past and moving forward for our children, family, and work has been my priority. With that I wanted to provide an update for those who may have been curious. TL;DR Divorced finalized. She took the money and seemed to have spent dam near all of it. Kids are good. MIL is doing good. Promotion, salary increase, and new home to start new life in the new year for me. Overtime, taking household items from my house, and combining incomes with her bf to make 1/4 of what I make a month for her (Yes, shameless plug. Don’t judge me). I am moving on. I have no interest currently in romance and want to primarily focus on our kids. THE UPDATE Since my last update, I’ve been under the scrutiny of our social circles and labeled every typical “toxic man/husband” stereotype that Facebook, Tiktok, and Instagram has to offer. As much as I hate the saying I kind of understand the, “you know my name but not my story” posts now. With that said, these strangers or alienated family and friends can take their opinions and go fk themselves because in the end, if our kids are happy, healthy, and flourishing under my “toxic household,” what’s it to you? The more important updates: We’re divorced. I have majority custody, and even though my ex is now trying to be the present mother whenever her now busy schedule allows, it is too little too late. My MIL continues to be responding well to treatments and SIL has now taken over where my ex was supposed to be in helping oversee her care. Post divorce, I recently moved homes and jobs and accepted the next step forward career wise which my company has been kind enough to slowly transition me into the role as leadership understands what I am going through at home. Interestingly it’s amazing how “common” my story is amongst my colleagues and network, I am sad/happy(?) to say I am now one of the newer members of the fellowship of divorced Directors and Execs. As sad as it may sound, it is nice to know that many understand and are willing to offer a high degree of support, advice, assistance, and guidance as needed. The divorce itself was quick, but it still had it’s sad and angry moments and many of the people in my camp think my ex got away with robbery. But the fact that I was awarded majority custody and per agreement have our kids (almost) every day and know they’re safe under my roof is worth every cent. While I had no say or real cares how my ex moved forward with mediation as long as she agreed to terms, I think the biggest slap in the face to me was how she delegated her boyfriend as someone to “advise” her throughout this process, because “his opinion is more important than any lawyer who isn’t looking out for my best interest.” At this point, the holidays were around the corner, and I didn’t want this to disrupt the holidays for our kids and family. While I was prepared to go to court, my ex did not want to diminish her “payout” and I just wanted things over and done with. I’ll leave out the finer details of the terms, but in exchange for having majority custody and taking care of all expenses related to our children, I would give her that lump sum she was aiming for with no request of child support on my end. She kept all her tangible possessions i.e. car, bags, clothes, jewelry, I had to sell the home and split the profits from the sale and foot the bill on taxes, gave her almost all our joint bank accounts after legal fees and to top it off laughably she argued rights to alimony, which she’s not getting. As a PSA, don’t rely on your legal advice from Facebook groups. IN THE END REALITY SINKS IN I’d like to think overall I’m a simple man, all I wanted to do was get married, have a family, and provide. With that goal in mind, I somehow got into a position where my spouse was able to choose if she wanted to work or not and not worry about anything outside of our family. How it turned out like this, I can’t pinpoint. I’ll admit I am a bit oblivious of what I did, but maybe it’s my own fault as some ppl stated and I brought this onto myself. Post settlement, I ended up downsizing and closed on a smaller but spacious house for the 3 of us and our dog, with a separate generational suite in our backyard for my MIL to stay as she wished to stay involved in our kids care regardless of if I was married to her daughter or not. Honestly, I made sure that addition to the home was available for her because I hoped she would be able and open to help until the kids were a little bit older. For what it’s worth, it seems my ex found her happiness. Luxury trips in a short time frame she wanted, her bf and her moved to a bigger place to stay (luxury high rise studio but still no place for our kids to stay), her bf got his dream car, and a long list of expenses and shopping sprees that kind of benefited our kids if at all in any way sprinkled in her social media accounts. She’s rocking Cartier while our kids are sportin Carters. My ex came to visit our “cute little house” to visit our kids and MIL and complimented me on my choice of home and that I was able to keep up the status quo of our home without her. I’m sure many will see the irony in this. I’m not entirely sure her motive or if I’m just reading too deep into it, but she dropped lines about how stressful and expensive their living expenses (rent, utilities, cell/internet service, and insurance) are groceries are now and how surprised it cost to feed her, her bf, and whoever the hell else comes to their home. I’m not sure why but she initially was under the impression the generational suite was meant for her use when she has the time and wants to co-parent. She is even more tired and struggling with her schedule now because she works a total of 48hrs a week and forced to work overtime at times and her bf works but I didn’t dig or care about the details. But I do care that I think she thinks I don’t notice that she takes some of our usual household staples and items with her before she left. Mainly bottles of soap she always bought for our home, Sonicare replacement brush heads and other toiletries, a new unopened bottle of the Mountain Valley water from the fridge when she visits, and I may be reading too deep into something again but sometimes I find some of the Instax pics from the fridge missing. Usually its just of the kids or MIL and the kids, but a few were of the 4 of us in the past. Although her Whiteclaw fund takes precedence over their home’s Charmin 2 ply supply, I try to be as accommodating as possible so that she can still be involved with our kids, allowing her to drop by our home whenever (if ever) she can (still work primarily from home so I’m always here) and keeping her in the loop about their activities and such. It was nice to see she was able to make it to our youngest’s first Christmas school assembly, where our eldest’s had speaking parts in the play before work. Later that week, I brought our kids to bring her a plate of food on Christmas day at the hospital because she has holidays to work. I’d be lying if I said that didn’t hurt or that I didn’t feel uncomfortable with the stares and whispers from her co-workers while I waited for the kids to excitedly give her their presents and wish their mom a Merry Christmas. Even though she was trying to be welcoming, all I could do was say Merry Christmas and wave goodbye from the distance as we left. This past Christmas, with as many blessings I have to be thankful for, it all felt so hollow at the same time. During New Year eve, I embraced my inner Pinterest dad trying to make everything as festive and fun possible and copied ideas of doing a count down at 9PM for the kids with a balloon drop in our living room and popping some fireworks as soon as the sun set. On that note, I should mention that I re-discovered my love of cooking, something I did for years while a bachelor with my roommates and the stress of a 4- and 6-year-old insisting that they’re mini versions of Gorden Ramsey and can provide Michelin level sous chef services. With the kids tucked away and asleep, I rang in the new year with my dog and a drink. Scrolling on my phone with the sounds of fireworks popping in the distance, I saw that my ex was living her best life in her new life snap after snap after snap... So, I made a mental checklist for the end of 2024: - self-esteem – almost gone. - confidence – hanging by a thread. - ability to open and trust anyone outside of my current inner circle and dog – nonexistent. - Hatred towards my ex and her newfound life – surprisingly gone. All I could do is just laugh a little at the snap on my phone. She left me, she hurt me, but she did not destroy me. We’re now 2 different people with 2 different lives and I must move forward for the ones I owe it to. Other than the connection of our kids and some immediate family we have no more connections and I really have no interest in acting like I was in my 20’s in my 40’s and spending half my paycheck on liquor because its Tuesday and New Years Eve. Maybe I’m just boring, but I can and only want to focus on my kids and ensure that their lives and future is the best that I can provide. Ensure the people and projects I oversee stay afloat and going in this economy. And last, but not least, make sure both my mother and (ex-?) MIL are taken care of in the future moving forward. ADVICE FROM WHAT I LEARNED. To the men out there, if you’re in a similar situation, don’t give up hope. But keep in mind, actions, records, and overall proof speaks louder than your words. It’s an uphill battle, but no man has to fight it alone. Plan, Prepare, seek reputable counsel and advice, and in the end execute. As hard as it may be, stay focused and be as objective as possible in these times, and most importantly follow through with what you say and promise to your kids. To the women, stay off social media and comparing your life to others. Just kidding. The first piece of advice applies to anyone regardless of how you identify. I don’t think I’ll be updating anymore but I do plan to keep this alt just for my reddit pen pals so please feel free to say hi cause it’s nice to have new friends. I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts submitted by /u/secure-raspberry-763 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Yosemite, in dramatic fashion, changed my life. Labor Day Weekend 2017. 50,000 people in the valley, I’ve got no wilderness pass and no reservations. Naively, with this being my first trip, I had no idea how busy the park would be and thought I could find a place to sleep. I did two loops around the valley and decided to leave the park taking Big Oak Flat Road towards San Fran. Driving by Camp White Wolf I decided to stop and see if there were any sites open for the night. As you’d expect, there was nothing. Now, this is where it gets crazy; I’m at the intersection of Big Oak Flat Road and I can go left and continue in the direction I was going or, I could go right and head back to the valley. Something possessed me to go right, knowing full well I was not going to find anything for me there. About 20 minutes from the valley a severe storm rolls in with high winds and rain. Just as I come around a corner I see a 110 foot tall pine tree fall and crush a car right in front of me. The tree fell down the long axis of the car completely crushing the passenger compartment. The circumstances of what brought me to Yosemite are significant and are almost as dramatic as the events that took place that Labor Day. I am a Special Operations Independent Duty Corpsman a lay person would understand this as a Special Forces Medic. The 3 months preceding my trip to Yosemite was spent in a Shooting Package with Force Recon, in preparation for an upcoming deployment. During the training I had an explosive sympathetically detonate in my hand which did significant damage. I’ll spare you the details but it was a freak accident where one planned detonation produced enough heat and overpressure to detonate the explosive in my hand. Pretty not fun. Despite the injury, I returned to training up to and immediately following surgery; a decision I regret. As you’d expect, when the training package concluded I needed a break and really needed to heal, mentally and physically. I cannot overstate the state of disrepair I was in. The Friday before I left I was cleaning gear out of my jeep and as I held my med bag to return to my locker, I thought out loud and said “I’m going to Yosemite this weekend, I should probably keep it with me”. With my hand unhealed and the universe guiding me, I watched the tree fall. As I got out of my jeep and slowly approached the vehicle the first observation I made was that the damage to the Prius was overwhelming. My immediate thought was that there was no way anyone was inside. My heart sank when I realized a man and his daughter were outside the car screaming frantically. I realized someone was still in the car. I looked into the drivers side window and saw the man’s wife unconscious and unresponsive, leaning into the center console. I shifted my eyes to the back and my vision narrowed; a small boy (later determined to be 4 years old) was crushed into his booster seat. He was bent forward at the waist, his right temple was on the outside of his left knee. I entered the vehicle through the rear driver side window. I immediately assessed the mother, manually adjusted her airway and gave her a rescue breath, she started breathing. I directed bystanders to be careful of her head and neck and get her out of the car. I was now focused on the little boy. I had to squat the roof off his back in order to move him safely and not do further damage. His lifeless body melted into my arms. (have since had a baby boy. This part of the story makes me particularly emotional). I immediately assess his radial and carotid pulse; very strong. This boy is fighting for his life. Despite a solid pulse he is not breathing. I tried to open his airway and squeeze in a rescue breath but no response. His jaw was locked. As I’m making these efforts, the roof is slowly being crushed further by the weight of the tree. I hand the boy out the window and exit myself and immediately take him back. I am now 100% focused on getting his airway open. I gradually increased my application of strength to get his jaw open, to the point that i thought his jaw was going to break. Finally! It opens, it is completely occluded with blood and vomit. I removed the obstructions and and send another rescue breath. He arches his back and lets out a crying scream like a newborn baby. The relieve I felt brought tears to my eyes then and does now. I spoke to dispatch after I heard a bystander call them and say “i think the little boy is dead”. I said “give me the phone”. I relayed patient disposition and stated “I do not recommend ground transport. They need to be flown out of here”. The only questioned they asked was “who are you?”. As I was assessing the mother, who was breathing but unresponsive, I thought to myself “man, I’d kill for a BVM and a cervical collar”… and then I remember I had my freakin med bag! I was managing care and using a Spanish speaking bystander to translate what I was doing to the father and daughter. Heartbreakingly, they were on vacation in Yosemite visiting from Mexico. 12-15 mins later paramedics arrived. I left in the ambulance with the little boy and continued assisting in treatments. Within mins of us arriving at the Helo Landing Zone, a Life Flight Helicopter was arriving from Modesto Children’s Hospital. Dispatch had listened to me. They requested a helicopter immediately. Much happened after that event. I went on to get a camp site in Upper Pines. I spent that night and the following 5 in the wilderness reflecting on the events that day. My hand still had stitches in it. I’ve attached a few pics, hopefully they upload. submitted by /u/Bulky_Role_4552 to r/Yosemite [link] [comments]

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My husband and I have 3 girls (7, 5, 4). Both of us have very demanding jobs and we both work long hours and occasionally travel for work. When my oldest was born, we planned on getting a nanny but my MIL and FIL didn't want her to be "raised by a stranger" so they moved in with us and took care of her/helped around the house when my maternity leave ended. As much as I love my MIL and FIL, I can't live with them. My husband felt the same so after a few months we bought them a house very close to ours. It's in our name but we furnished it and pay for everything except for groceries. The house has 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. The girls currently share a room and have a twin over queen bed. My oldest has the top bunk (twin) and the younger two share the queen. The younger two used to fight over blankets so we got them each a sleeping bag. My 4 year old has a unicorn, my 5 year old has a mermaid, and my 7 year old also wanted one and got an elephant. These aren't like camping sleeping bags. They're thick and extremely soft and the girls love them. My BIL, SIL, and their kids (f6, m4) were visiting and the kids stayed in my kids room. I wasn't thrilled when I heard they were staying in my kids room but my MIL assured me that she would take all of the toys out and that the kids just liked the bunk bed. My kids were spending the night with their grandparents for one of the nights that my BIL and his family were there. I told my MIL that my kids would get their room and everything went fine until I got to the house with the kids and my niece and nephew were both throwing tantrums because they didn't want to give back the sleeping bags. I pulled my MIL aside and asked why the kids were using my kids sleeping bags and she said that the kids liked them and that families share. This is my kids bedding. I get them sharing some toys but not their sleeping bags, especially when she knew that they'd have my girls that night. They're too big for her to throw both of them in the washing machine and at that point it was too late for them to do 2 loads of laundry so my kids had to go without their sleeping bags. I told her from now on, none of the other grandkids will be sleeping in my kids rooms (we're giving my oldest her own room) since I can't trust her to respect their belongings and that if this happens again, she won't be allowed to watch my kids anymore. My husband agrees that she shouldn't have let them use the sleeping bags or at least wash them before my kids got there but he thinks I went overboard. Am I the asshole? submitted by /u/sleepingbagpost to r/AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

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On April 26, 1970, at approximately 7:30 AM, 11-year-old Terrence “Terry” Bowers was found deceased, suffering from multiple stab wounds, in his sleeping bag while on a Boy Scout’s camping trip in Chester County, Pennsylvania. The camping trip began on Friday, April 24, when Boy Scout Troop 275 traveled from Upper Darby to St. Basil the Great Church, East Pikeland Township, Chester County. Twenty three scouts and their six adult leaders set up camp on an open field near a creek about 200 yards from the church building, just beginning their much anticipated trip. After setting up the camp site, the scouts spent their day engaging in typical Boy Scout activities. Nobody noticed anything strange about any of the children’s behavior, including Terrence. The children rolled out their sleeping bags and went to sleep in a circular fashion around the campfire. Tents were pitched, but some scouts only slept in their tents if they had gotten cold from sleeping outside. It wasn’t until the early hours of the morning when fellow scouts discovered Terrence, motionless in his green sleeping bag, surrounded by a pool of his own blood. The medical examiner determined that Terrence was likely murdered just an hour prior to his discovery, about 6:30 AM. Terrence suffered stab wounds to his back, right arm, and chest. There was no indication that Terrence had been sexually assaulted. The medical examiner believed that the knife used to murder Terrence was a small blade. Though twenty two other scouts and two adult leaders were only feet away from Terrence at the time of his murder, there were no witnesses. Nobody had even heard anything unusual. The investigation was hexed from the beginning. By the time the authorities arrived, Terrence’s body had been moved and parents were on the scene. In the days and weeks after the murder, hundreds of people in northern Chester County were questioned by a six-man police investigation team. Boy Scouts were hooked up to polygraph machines and had their knives confiscated for evidence. The murder weapon was never recovered, despite three searches with metal detectors. There were no witnesses, no suspects, no motive, and no murder weapon. Investigators were dumbfounded by the random and brutal attack. Just days after the murder occurred, investigators already found themselves facing a dead end. All scouts and leaders were questioned extensively. Their stories of their whereabouts at the time of the murder were all verified. Authorities investigated patients from the nearby mental facilities, Pennhurst State Hospital and Valley Forge Military Hospital, who were AWOL (Absent Without Official Leave) or out on passes. Each Sunday around sunrise, police set up a checkpoint near the church to ask drivers if they had seen anything unusual on the morning of the murder. Still, there were no viable suspects that could be linked to Terrence. The only leads investigators would have wouldn’t emerge until 1972 and 1983. In 1972, investigators questioned a man who had newspaper clippings about Terrence’s case in his apartment. In 1983, an inmate reportedly claimed to have information about the case. Unfortunately, both leads went nowhere. In a short amount of time, the case went cold. It wasn’t until 2012 that the freshest lead would emerge. In The Boy Scouts’ “perversion files,” records that name pedophiles and others that the Scouts want to keep out of the organization, there were documents that included letters a Boy Scout wrote in 1971 referring to Lawrence Wakely, a former Scout who is currently serving time at a state prison for rape. These records indicated that Wakely once admitted to stabbing Terrence in retaliation for being kicked out of the Scouts. The confession was never reported in the news at the time, but James Wenner, a state police investigator, said he had interviewed a man who fit Wakely’s description around the time of the murder. Wenner said that Wakely’s confession lacked details that only the murderer would know, and though its known to be inaccurate and oftentimes inadmissible in court, Wakely failed a polygraph test. Though Terrence’s father passed away of a heart attack at the 48 in 1978, Terrence’s mother and siblings still seek justice for their son and brother. Terrence’s family struggle to comprehend who could have murdered their loved one. Terrence’s brother, Chris, who has a tattoo of Terrence’s portrait on his bicep, speculated, "These are some of the biggest organizations in the world [Roman Catholic Church & Boy Scouts]. If they wanted to find out where a bunch of young boys were hanging out, they were privy to that information. If they wanted this thing shut down, they'd shut it down real fast. I think they did. But if this happened today, it would have been solved." Maureen, Terrence’s sister, suspects that someone from Troop 275 knows something. She said, “They were scared little boys then who are men now with children of their own. They might say, 'Yeah, I did hear something or see something.’ Anything is possible. I'd like to give my mother some closure in this lifetime. It haunts her every day.” Almost 50 years later, the murder of Terence Bowers remains unsolved. Links: Photo of Terrence Philly Penn Live NBC Philadelphia PressReader submitted by /u/BubbaJoeJones to r/UnresolvedMysteries [link] [comments]