Spring Activities For Kids

... precluding family vacation opportunities and spring league games take even more... spend it with other peoples' kids for free with the possible..., its not just the coach's kids, its the need for parents... all practices, games and other activities. You can bet that these... the coach's or involved parent's kids to be at the bottom...

.... For week-long scout camps, the kids often pack the trunk, a ... larger size bag for older kids. I labeled the bags by... sleeping bag but sometimes the kids don't take it out since .... This should cover most camping spring through fall comfortably. It's what ... for restrictions. - If water activities are involved, try to send ... and pack watershoes. - My kids just take a headlamp, preferably ...

... access to everything. "All those activities they just kind of gravitated... first media availability of the spring he was inevitably asked about ... way last winter and this spring under the direction of Golding. "... would look like, all these kids stayed…Having Trinidad and having ... the standouts from the Rebels' spring camp period and will be ... Thomas said of Ferrelli during spring camp. "As soon as he ...

.... The chilly bite of early spring had softened. The grass beyond... the effort of those two kids filled Maribel with an unexpected... to water. Maribel had the kids spar against each other at ... on to some fun group activities." The boy made a face...? That wasn't so hard. Remember, kids, teamwork makes the dream work. ...

.... The chilly bite of early spring had softened. The grass beyond... the effort of those two kids filled Maribel with an unexpected... to water. Maribel had the kids spar against each other at ... on to some fun group activities." The boy made a face...? That wasn't so hard. Remember, kids, teamwork makes the dream work. ...

... combat. Combined with the unknown activities of the elder three, we... stay somewhat close to Incog's activities. Unfortunately this brought Emma into.... "Securing a future for white kids, standing up against the degradation.... Sowilo felt like a coiled spring. Electricity arced around her in...

... combat. Combined with the unknown activities of the elder three, we... stay somewhat close to Incog's activities. Unfortunately this brought Emma into.... "Securing a future for white kids, standing up against the degradation.... Sowilo felt like a coiled spring. Electricity arced around her in...

... The adidas Essentials T-Shirt for Kids, available on Amazon for £6...: Short Sleeve Pattern: Solid Seasons: Spring/Summer Care Instructions: Machine Wash ... enhance its practicality for various activities, including basketball, camping, and general...

... get in to MIT. On activities, the main takeaway is: Pursue... student activities they see as valuable. They are not looking for 2000 kids... diverse mix of highly active kids who did all sorts of..., prepare better for classes or activities in the upcoming school year, ... test in the winter or spring of junior year. Sometimes people... your first test winter or spring of junior year, you have...

... without high pitched screaming of kids which is the soundtrack of... me who journal or kids who just love crafty activities.  I didn't use... in the MDR     Crispy vegetable spring rolls sweet-and-sour dip Saltimbocca : pork ...

... does spring break and winter break camps to offer child care for kids... class etc. We put our kids into camp so they can ... with other kids and so they can get exposure to other activities that... see myself ever putting my kids into a camp where they ...

...would cover the holiday season, spring break, and all summer holidays...your kids. Would you pull them in October for Halloween activities or...crowded? Do you only want spring break and summer? When ...in November, February, June, August, spring break (3x, March-April), winter break... June, November, and next spring break. We didn't plan our...schedules. Your UY begins with spring break, you have all summer...

... Fuzzy liner Description Keep your kids comfortable with these Crocs featuring... a more secure fit as kids move around. Inside, the clogs... outdoor use, especially in the spring and summer seasons. The shock-resistant ..., these clogs are easy for kids to put on and take ... make them perfect for water activities, such as swimming, and other ...

adidas Duramo 2.0 Shoes Kids size 4uk The adidas Duramo ...2.0 Shoes for Kids, available in size 4UK, are... ideal for running and other activities. The one-piece EVA outsole contributes... are particularly suited for the spring and summer seasons. Although not ...

... 3 people. We decided to spring for a Sunset Jr Suite (... passengers (about 110% occupancy), 530 kids (⅛ of the ship), about ⅓ were..., 46 Pinnacle). Most of the kids were younger, but there were ...still a handful of older kids which was surprising because school ... her in the theater…)   Entertainment/Activities: We enjoyed the Ice show (...

... & 3AM-6AM (Autumn/Winter) 9AM-7PM (Spring/Summer). The extra 2c temp... depending on when the kids have after school activities. To get geeky, this...

... weeks, what with my vigilante activities at night, school by day... by some of the rich kids from Arcadia. We can easily... party some of the Arcadia kids are throwing." That did perk... cities in the country? "Hey, kids," a sneering voice called out... a wave of fire to spring forth and batter the Jack...

... weeks, what with my vigilante activities at night, school by day... by some of the rich kids from Arcadia. We can easily... party some of the Arcadia kids are throwing." That did perk... cities in the country? "Hey, kids," a sneering voice called out... a wave of fire to spring forth and batter the Jack...

...states to distinguish ordinary childhood activities from actual neglect or abuse...from the park in Silver Spring, Maryland. Someone saw them unsupervised... world—especially when the kids were picked up for being ...that their caseworkers said their kids could have been kidnapped. How... "risk" presented by letting kids do things on their own ... starts yelling, 'Get your kids under control! You better watch ...

... after-school program serving at risk kids with academic support, mentor-ship,... the program going. Our Spring Fund Drive is currently running... snacks, field trips, and enrichment activities. If you would like to...so much for supporting these kids and for helping keep ...area. Trying to help the kids to exceed in school and...homework, tossing a ball with kids, helping kids with presentation skills. The ...

I am completely numb, exhausted, and humiliated right now. My husband (M45) and I (F43) are facing a potential separation/divorce. We have three kids together. I am the primary parent and, frankly, I handle almost everything (I'd say close to 95%+) on my own as a solo parent while he does very little to help around the house bc he works outside the home, (in addition to overtime). Recently, I discovered that he has been secretly taking pictures of normal, everyday household clutter and messes around our home: messes that naturally happen when you are solo-parenting three children when the spring semester was unbearably busy and too much for just me to handle. Now that the semester is over, the messes have already been cleaned/in process of). The issue is, he didn't just keep them for his lawyer. He blasted these photos to almost everyone he knows, including his family, mutual friends, acquaintances and everyone at his work. Along with the pictures, he explicitly told me what their responses were. I was so upset and nauseated that I had to go for a drive because I was feeling so much shame/trauma. I feel incredibly violated. Our home isn't a dangerous hoarding situation; it’s just a house with three active kids where one person is doing all the work. He timed these photos perfectly to make me look as bad as possible. His family and friends are now actively judging me, and the reputational damage feels irreversible. The divorced had been paused for us attend a week long intensive therapy session together to see if our marriage could be healed. After learning about the pictures, I am struggling to process the betrayal and desperately need some objective perspective: The Legal/Custody Side: How do family court judges actually view photos of everyday household messes when three kids are involved? Since I am already the primary caregiver, will a judge take this "evidence" seriously, or will his behavior backfire on him for being malicious? The Social Side: I feel sick to my stomach thinking about how his side of the family and friends who have previously respected see me now. For anyone who has survived this kind of public shaming and weaponized intimacy by a partner, how did you handle the social fallout? How do I recover my dignity? submitted by /u/Throwaway202054 to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]

EDIT: Wow, thank you everyone 😭 I knew what the advice was going to be but I didn't expect so much of it or for so many people to read my looong story. I'm still working on reading all the comments but I appreciate everybody's words of wisdom and saying what I really needed to hear. I made this past because I wanted to get my mind right before I have a conversation with him so I won't be swayed when I bring this up and he switches to suddenly being 100% ready. Thank you, all ❤️ I'm 33, husband is 30. We've been together since 2014 (when I was 21 and he was 18... so young) and married since 2022. When we first got together we were very young and discussed wanting children "some day" but it felt very far away. As we got older and got married we talked about it more seriously and talked timelines. In 2024 we agreed that we would start trying in the spring of 2025. When we talked about it, husband would say he wanted kids but was just scared about having a baby and everything that came with it. I chalked it up to normal nerves. I was scared too! When spring of 2025 rolled around he sat me down, said he thought we weren't ready and should wait one more year. He talked about wanting to "do more" while we were still child free and get our financial situation in a better place. (Please note that we have "done" a LOT in our 20s and have not missed out on travel or other fun experiences). I have BEGGED him repeatedly this past year to be honest with me if he just didn't want children at all, and he assured me he did and was just nervous and thought we needed more time. I was upset by this but of course agreed and I spent the next year getting focused. I got into personal finance and paid off over $40k of consumer debt. I got off birth control and started learning about my cycle, pregnancy, childbirth, and caring for newborns. Got my fitness and nutrition up. He barely participated in any of this. He quietly refused to combine finances with me, to get his overbearing mother off his checking account, to make a budget with me or commit to shared financial goals. Same attitude towards health and wellness. He kept spending thousands on things he wanted that we do not need. Right now he is actively shopping to spend $4k on a 90s sports car while I'm packing lunch and working overtime and funneling all my money towards our debts, trying to get us in a better position to be able to afford this baby we have been planning for. I just feel like his choices and behavior have been very immature and selfish the past year. It feels like a slap in the face when I've been preparing for the future we said we wanted. So this past weekend I told him: this week is the week. I'm ovulating later this week, it's time, what do you think? And he reiterated that he is scared and said he "60% wants kids and 40% doesn't." He said if I want them 100%, then that's good enough and we should go ahead. He said half the time he still regrets getting a dog because of the responsibility and how we can't be free to do things without thinking about the dog. He said he thinks he will regret not having kids when he's 50, so we should probably do it, but he's not looking forward to the next few years being really miserable and hard. After that conversation it felt like everything just slowly dawned on me. If I'm being honest with myself I felt like he didn't truly want children this whole time. That's why I kept asking him over and over if he was sure. All his actions have pointed to him not wanting them. Even when he opened up about his fears they seemed ridiculous to me, like his number one fear of having kids is that he will have to clean up vomit. Like I'm sorry but grow up? He is a chronic people pleaser and will say absolutely anything to make people happy with him in the moment, whether it's true or not. I've been talking with him for years about how I don't actually want to just be placated, I want a true partner who will disagree with me and have hard conversations so we can work together. Years and years I've been bringing this up begging him to work with me to change this dynamic and he just never does. So that conversation just broke me and I started questioning everything. The thought of my kids growing up and ever hearing that they were a 60% yes 40% no decision and that one of their parents wasn't even excited about having them just makes me feel so sick. So I let my ovulation pass by this week, neither one of us initiated sex or anything and I've been thinking about all this for about a week now. I have no idea what to do. I have never known any other life except with him and the thought of splitting up literally makes me physically ill but I feel like I'm just waking up to the fact that we do not communicate about anything, at all. I press and press to find out how he's really feeling, he tells me what he thinks I want to hear, and I have to guess to figure out if that's true or not. It's maddening and this is such a huge decision and I'm not sure if I can trust what he says. Thanks for reading, and please share words of wisdom and advice. What do you think? Do people who want kids ever say they're 60% sure or do most people feel more strongly about it, like me? Dinner was leftover frozen pizza because I'm too sad to cook or clean the kitchen. submitted by /u/Ambitious-Bus1155 to r/GirlDinnerDiaries [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Vast_Result_8543 Originally posted to r/Waiting_To_Wed Waiting to Wed: 9 Years Trigger Warnings: mental health struggles, emotional neglect ---- Original Post: April 16, 2026 OG: I’d (29f) been with my partner (30m) for 9 years, and from jump I said I wanted to get married and have kids. He told me he did too. To say I love this man is an understatement. I put him on such a high pedestal, which was probably always a part of the problem in our relationship. We moved multiple times for my career, and I always assumed it was coming. However, it never did. We had many conversations about it, and he told me he didn’t know why he didn’t want to get married. I waited. I just waited. At one point he had a ring from his family and I was so excited. I’d run around the house when he wasn’t home wearing it. Loving the idea that FINALLY it was happening. That was a year ago. This became such a painful topic for me that I didn’t even want to get married anymore bc I didn’t want a shut up ring. And I felt like such a cliche: the girl that is badgering her bf to marry her. I ended it yesterday. I’m devastated but I know this is right. I know that another nine years would pass and I’d still be waiting. Reflecting on this, I’m not mad at him. Maybe I should be, but I’m not. What I am recognizing is I have zero self confidence. Like none. And THAT is what I am feeling most. Just this emptiness because I put myself on an island. I figured, I must be a piece of shit, because the man I loved didn’t want me. I know that is not the truth but it’s what I am actively trying to heal from. I know this will take time, and I’m devastated. How did you build back up your self esteem and self worth in the beginning? Update 4/17/26: I am with my folks now, and my mom and I read through everyone's comments last night. She actually printed them out for me and tucked them into my backpack. I hope you all know that this has been such a lifeline, and I am so very grateful. Tomorrow, my AMAZING parents are driving 10 hours with me to pick up some of my stuff, and my dogs and I will be living with them over the summer. I'm excited to fully dive into my work and imagine a new future. VERY weirdly, yesterday I was driving, and "Silver Springs" by Fleetwood Mac came on, and whilst I was working at a coffee shop, it played TWICE. TWICE. I know it was probably Sirius XM doing what it does, but I took it as a sign. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: It’s time to put yourself on a pedestal. Commenter 2: Yep 28-29 is when your life actually starts, and it’s the perfect time for a rebrand. I decided to get my shit together at 25, now I’m 28 and I’m the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been. I can’t wait for my 30’s to see how I’ll continue to grow. Now that OP has ditched the dead weight she can lock in and find a serious person. Rooting for you OP!! OOP: Thank you! It ebbs and flows but I think more than anything, I am excited for the next chapter. I am a PhD student so I will FULLY be able to focus on that without waiting for someone to come home, or like me. Commenter 3: Good for you for taking control of your life. You should have left the first time he told you he didn't want to get married. Do not let him back in. He had a decade to make you his wife and chose not to, so anything he says now is meaningless. Invest in individual counseling to help you figure out how to move forward and recognize healthy relationships. Commenter 4: Therapy definitely helped me unpack and make my life different after ending my 8 year wait. It crushed that the last 5 we were engaged but he kept moving the goal posts OOP: I was always so quiet about this with my therapist because I was embarrassed. When I finally told her what was going on, she said, "I am going to take off my therapist hat for a second and tell you clearly, you deserve better." With the amazing support of my friends and family, I am starting to believe that. submitted by

I don’t know how much of this is a lie. 80%? 90%? How does she have time to put them all in these extra curricular activities and sports??? All the rides and managing 10 different schedules don’t seem possible on earth. Even if 50% of this is true, she wouldn’t have time to film the cringe dance, edit videos and delete comments. Also Day - how do these football camps work??? Is it a self-initiated thing? Does Lush thinks he really can get into D1 school???? I thought kids who are looking at D1 school go through more intensive training or play at good schools? submitted by /u/Optimal-Hat1999 to r/doughertydozenexposed [link] [comments]

What started as an idea to go to Makinohara Service Area for the memes (more on that later) became a 5 day road trip as we visited locations for the following 6 anime: Yuru Camp (Izu, Shizuoka) Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai (Ogaki, Gifu) Silent Voice (Ogaki, Gifu) Salad Bowl of Eccentrics (Gifu City, Gifu) Too Many Losing Heroines! (Toyohashi, Aichi) Love Live! Sunshine!! (Numazu, Shizuoka) January 2nd - Yuru Camp Following in the footsteps of the Outdoor Activities Circle, we planned to see capybara in the hot springs as well as go up Mt. Omuro for some iconic photos. While the capybara were cute, the shots of them bathing unfortunately did not match the anime. Because the gods like giving me their toughest battles, strong winds stopped the lift and we couldn’t go up. I settled for a sad picture with a photograph at the base building. I did, however, get to eat wasabi ice cream, which was surprisingly good! We also did stop at our original destination, Makinohara Service Area. Some of you may have already realized, but this rest stop shares its name with Bunny Girl Senpai’s Shoko Makinohara! Despite having very little plot relevance now, there was still a Shoko cutout and a commemorative stamp, which pleased my Shoko-superfan friend. January 3rd - Hibike Euphonium! (Wait, what?) We were going to see the Nagoya Congress Center where nationals are held (also shown at the end of OP 1!), but there were renovations going on. I’ve been before and taken pictures, but my friend who originally got me into the show didn’t get to see it himself, which is a shame. Otherwise, the day was actually normal tourism stuff! January 4th- Silent Voice, Salad Bowl of Eccentrics, Bunny Girl Senpai We got some daytime Silent Voice shots and also noticed that they still have promotional materials out for a movie that came out a decade ago (it hurt to type that). Somehow, the small city of Ogaki is host to another anime, at least for a bit! Mai and Sakuta go to Ogaki for a night in season 1, and the city leaned into the collab pretty hard. We did a stamp rally to get a special card and visited a sweets shop where the owner actually got super into the series and now has a museum’s worth of memorabilia. While in town, my friend got Mai Sakurajima liquor and I got Mai Sakurajima x Ogaki Fire Department collab goods! Just like how Salad Bowl of Eccentrics introduces Gifu as “an undistinguished city” in the first episode, the city of Gifu was…certainly that. Even Gifu Castle was smaller than expected when trying to take matching shots (see homeless Livia under the bridge). The Gifu Tanmen eaten in the show was surprisingly delicious though! Just thinking about it makes me want to go back... January 5th Silent Voice → Too Many Losing Heroines! First thing in the morning, I crawled into a children’s playground to take pictures for a Silent Voice so that we’ll have time for our pilgrimage for Too Many Losing Heroines later in the day. I’m glad it was winter and hardly anyone was outside. When we actually got to Toyohashi after some unrelated delays, I end up showing my friends around the station, since it’s my 3rd(!) time in Toyohashi. I didn’t take pictures that day but included some past pics I really like! January 6th - → Love Live! Sunshine!! When we made it to Numazu in the afternoon, we got caught up in the deluge of promotional Love Live Sunshine collaborations that I hardly had time for comparison shots. With all the buses, stamp stations, and posters, it felt surreal how invested the city was in the anime. I’ll definitely be back for more. Concluding Thoughts This was certainly not a trip for the faint of heart. There was an obscene amount of driving, and things like weather and traffic can definitely get in your way. Am I glad I did it? Hell yeah. Would I do it again? Eh… I think I’d like to have a bit more breathing room for each location. And that concludes my semi-annual posting to the sub! Just kidding, this time I swear I’ll post something here sooner and my Instagram for archiving all my trips (@seichiscout) will eventually catch up to these posts… submitted by /u/SeichiScout to r/anime [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Ok_Boysenberry_7535 Originally posted to r/AmIOverreacting Previous BoRUs: #1, #2, #3 [New Update]: AIO? My coworker took video of me outside of work to "prove" I'm not disabled NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: ableism, stalking, invasion of privacy, hostile workplace, racism, graphic description of panic attack Mood Spoilers: disturbing ---- Editor's note: removed older relevant comments for more space in this latest BoRU ---- RECAP Editor's note: CP in this post stands for Chronic Pain, not to be confused with cerebral palsy and child porn Original Post: January 14, 2026 This is weird so I need to know if I'm crazy for going as far as I did. I have a condition of chronic pain. The way I explain it to people without chronic pain is that if pain were on levels from 1 to 10, normal people are at most at a 2 or 3 from day to day where people with CP are at more like a 6. Like imagine stepping on a Lego or hitting your funny bone, that's a very brief but excruciating 8. It's like if you pulled a muscle and so there's pain and discomfort if you move it, but pretty much daily. Some days I am higher on the scale, rare blessed days I'm more a 4 or by some miracle lower. Overall I am active and operate well. I do own canes, but I only use them on days when I'm 7 or above. Such a day came this past Sunday. On top of my full time job, I have a part time. Due to being physically and legally disabled, I had all the paperwork already filed with my job in case I ever need accommodations. I have a handicap marker on my license plate and the placard on my rear view mirror and the works. I was recently moved to a location closer to my home. I love my new team. My boss Amy is really great. My colleague Casey and I get along okay but were the same position as assistant coordinators to Amy. The reason I was moved to that location was that it expanded and they needed more hands so they added me. Casey has wanted a promotion for a long time and everyone knows it. I was pretty open that I don't. Lol any promotion from my position would be a full-time and...I already have a full-time job. I do this job to pad my savings and because I frankly like the job. Being busy also helps with my anxiety. I mean Casey works hard but she also likes to talk over me or rush to take charge of something before I can when I clearly was getting to it. She then announces it. "Oh I handled that for you, OP. Don't worry!" And at first I was annoyed but over time I was like alright then, but you didn't have to. I talked to Amy about this. I want to pull my weight but it can be challenging and redundant when Casey is racing to beat me to it. The point was for us to split tasks evenly. Amy said she would talk to her and I don't know what came of that but things didn't really change much so I just accepted it. So when I came in Monday with my cane, everyone had questions. I emailed Amy Sunday night so she knew but I tend to be private so what I told everyone else was that I have a condition and sometimes I need a cane but not always. Amy accommodated me. She assigned me tasks that required little to no movement. I was very grateful and got everything done pretty early so I called over the radio if there was anything else I could do. Casey said no she's got it so I just handled admin stuff that's usually on the backburner. Literally replied with "okay I'll tackle the admin list then" and Casey said no she's got it but Amy followed that with a thank you to me and confirmation that this would be helpful. I still needed my cane yesterday (Tuesday) and it was similar. I completed most of the admin to-dos and Amy was so relieved to have it done. She thanked me for coming in and doing all that instead of calling out. Casey made a comment that she could've helped but I said that's okay and thanked her for handling the more physical tasks. We ended up walking to the parking lot together and she asked which car was mine so I pointed at it. Then she said "so I know you're not disabled, by the way." And I asked what she meant. She just repeated herself and said "so no cane tomorrow, okay? I won't tell. Just no cane tomorrow." 👀. I stood there like what the fuck? But I was meeting my best friend and just left to make it on time. I met my BFF Joy at the bar and we had a wonderful time. I brought my cane but tbh I didn't always use it. For example, I didn't use it to walk from my table to the bar to request another drink or when I got up to hug Joy goodbye. Today, when I woke up, my pain was higher than my normal so I took my cane along. I texted Amy that I have my cane but doing okay in small bursts so put me in Coach lol I was having a good time at my main job and didn't give Casey a thought. I arrive at my part time job and Casey saw my cane and went red. I mean like the way I looked when the Eagles lost to the 49ers lol just SUPER MAD. I greeted everyone and she ignored me completely. We got our assignments and she snidely said to me "Well can you handle that with your cane and all?" In a tone that even made Amy turn to look at her like WTF. I said I can manage and thanked her for her concern and we went about our work. Once again she raced to beat me to things and saying over the radio "don't strain yourself, OP, I did x-task or got y-done" I was so confused until about an hour ago when we finished work she again walked with me to the parking lot but this time showed me a video. It was me. It was me at the bar last night with Joy. I was just like...um why do you have a video of me - that's weird. She says it's proof. I asked of what? And she said it's proof I'm not disabled as I acted so "wounded all day at work" but suddenly don't need my cane at a bar. What???? I wanted to explain that that's just not how CP works. Like yes I can stand up to hug my friend or get up and walk 3 strides to order a new drink but I can't, for example, lean over and organize a bottom drawer without a chair to sit in. I wanted to explain the CP is just an umbrella and under it are a myriad of experiences and abilities and that honestly, if she had left my tasks alone, I'd have done them. She didn't give me the chance and said "no cane tomorrow. I'm serious. Or I'm going to Chad" (Chad is Amy's boss). I said "About what?" But she was already walking away from me and just got in her car. It's just weird. And oddly Chad would know this is bs because his boyfriend has CP too. I'm not so much worried about being "found out" or anything but it's just weird and I'm literally typing an email to Amy CCing Chad about this weird behavior because it's just odd. Am I crazy to want to preemptively explain this? I am anxious ans paranoid in general so I don't want to overreact or make things worse. Edit: I sent the email and also thanks for letting me know I'm not crazy for feeling weirded out. Also I will be simply blocking anyone who is saying this is fake. I don't have time for your bs to be frank. I also texted Amy and Chad. Edit 2: JESUS CHRYSLER DRIVING CHRIST that's a lot of notifications... I'll edit to try to reply all here because there isn't enough coffee in the world... It's morning and I'm still about at a 7 and it's cold today so even if I didn't want to bring my cane, I would have to. I texted ahead so Amy can start thinking about tasks today. For some common themes I've noticed, yeah my pain scale Lego idea wasn't on scale. Stepping on a Lego was the funniest thing I could think of that hurts so I wanted to paint a picture. I wasn't making a clinical pain chart lol feel free to use your own theatre of the mind scenarios to help people without chronic pain have an idea of what it's like. Also I don't understand the vague "don't use the term CP" comments sorry. In this post it means chronic pain. It's within that context 🤷‍♀️ sorry but I just don't get the issue here or of its upsetting...? Idk Amy and Chad have both responded so we will see how today goes. Anyway this was my first break in my FT job so I have to get back to it.   Update #1: January 15, 2026 (next day) AIO? My coworker took video of me outside of work to "prove" I'm not disabled - Update (Thursday) I was asked a lot to update when I got off work so here it is. 😬 Today was… weirdly quiet, which almost made it worse. Not sure what everyone knows but they at least know somethings up. I wasn’t even in the same area as Casey during check-in and I have no clue when she actually arrived. I usually see her as our shifts are the same hours. Turns out she’d been assigned to the back office doing other tasks (hours reduced), while I was put at the admin booth at the entrance handling paperwork and spreadsheets (they definitely took advantage of because I’m good at it 🤣). So we didn’t cross paths at all at first. I actually turned on a voice recorder app as soon as I got to work, just in case. I also added a shortcut on my phone so I can start recording quickly if I need to just in case. I didn’t wanna be caught off-guard like before. I did feel a little silly doing it, but I’d rather feel silly than unprepared, you know? I didn’t see Casey until near the end of the shift, and even then it was barely a glimpse. She looked up, saw me, and immediately turned away. Like full on avoidance. It made my stomach drop. I just turned away and minded my business. Amy was very reassuring but also vague at first. I didn't like that and I think my face said so and she said she doesn't like all the red tape and such either but to be patient because they need to go through all the right channels and steps. Amy let me go home early, but she told me to log my full hours anyway and made it clear she and Chad are actively talking about this and taking it seriously and I am almost certain she and he had been texting the whole shift. She also walked me to my car and said that will continue for now until everything is resolved. About an hour after my shift ended, I got an email from her (Chad CC'd) saying that tomorrow (Friday), Casey will be assigned to admin duty in the back office unless something changes before the shift, and that we should not be interacting at all. It's a long weekend so I figure all the behind the scenes stuff will be happening then. I also found out that Casey already “presented her evidence” That includes the video she showed me before and another video from yesterday (Wednesday). Apparently she filmed me at a local winery during Wine Wednesday (there’s a clip of me getting up to grab a bottle a few steps away, and later another clip of me standing up and doing a small little celebratory dance after a tabletop game win). That’s the part that really messed with my head because hold on when did she start recording me? For how long? I mean I could maybe believe coincidence once, like, okay lightning struck and its weird. Same town, same general area, blah blah blah. But twice, 2 different days??? Two different places?? That’s when it stopped feeling like my paranoia getting the best of me and started feeling… unsettling. I’m honestly starting to wonder if this is something that might need police involvement, as some comments suggested, and I hate that my brain even went there but I mean what other options are there right now?? I’m typing this from a bar right now, but not the same one as before thank god. It is still local to the school (teachers come here a lot) and it’s Thirsty Thursday, so there’s a bigger happy hour discount if you show your school ID. Joy is with me, and a couple other friends are on their way. Joy had been here during my shift in case I needed any backup fast. That said, my head is absolutely on a swivel. So is Joy’s. I don’t feel relaxed the way I normally would. I keep scanning the room without meaning to and when people get too close to me or stand in any way facing me I look up to see if it's her. It's fucking weird. I’m still trying to process all of this, and honestly I’m confused more than anything...I keep going back and forth between “maybe this is nothing” and “this doesn’t feel normal” Right now I’m just documenting everything and doing what HR tells me to do, but I don’t like how small and watched this situation is starting to feel and I hate that I'm recording every moment I can in case she pops up. If nothing else, I’m safe tonight and will be staying at Joy's...I’m not alone and work has made sure we’re separated for now. I guess we’ll see what tomorrow brings. So unless something crazy happens o won't be updating until this is resolved. Wish me luck 🙏. Edit: I just replied to a follow-up email answering some recurring questions HR asked... My answers al ended up centered around: I have never directly or indirectly invited Casey out anywhere. We are not friends outside of work and have never socialized one-on-one. I was also asked whether I feel safe at work. Right now, yes, because management has taken steps to separate us and has been present and supportive. I've yet to be alone at all at work. I’m continuing to follow their guidance and document everything as instructed. I’ll update if anything materially changes, but for now I’m letting HR handle it outside making a non-emergency police report in the morning.   Trigger Warnings: racism Final Update: January 23, 2026 (eight days later from the previous update) Hey on my phone so sorry for typos Happy Friday guys. Thanks so much for all the sweet messages checking on me. All things considered I'm okay. My pain spiked pretty badly this past Tuesday, so I took it easy and took off from my fulltime job to pamper myself. That gave me time to think and spend time gaming and gardening. That was a welcome break to brace myself for my part time job. So yes I have been taking care of myself and I loved all the reddit moms (and dads) checking in. This will be long as I am trying nit forget anything so I can close this out (or at least put a pin in it) as I know for me as a reddit scroller, unfinished stories are almost as frustrating as the ones that go on forever. I’m hoping this is my final update on the matter. Legal is now involved. I genuinely didn’t even know our organization even had a legal department but apparently it does and they’re looped in alongside HR. An HR rep has been communicating with me but honestly things have been very quiet on that front, which I’m taking as no news is good news. I’m still at my school and I still love it. I love the students and faculty and even the parents (anyone in education knows parents can be great or they can be soooooo not great lol and rarely is there in between). Casey has been transferred to an admin position at an office in the company I don’t even go to. I haven’t seen her since my last post and I'm glad of it. Work has been peaceful without her. I have more work to do now as the only assistant coordinator there but I'm starting to get my rhythm and the staff there has been very supportive plus I have more chances to get to know the people I work with. What I didn’t expect was finding out (from multiple coworkers in several conversations) was that almost from the moment I joined that campus, Casey had been trying to spread rumors about me. Including suggesting that I’m a danger to kids or that I have an “explosive temper” which is honestly wild to hear about myself. I’m almost always described by others as soft-spoken to a fault and usually get told I need to be more strict with students. If anything I balance Amy out as the “good cop” to her “bad cop” plus the angry black woman tropes are sooooo freaking tired, so it was extra annoying to find out that she was trying paint me as such. She also said to people that the reason she took over my tasks was because I did them wrong or Madd her job harder and she had to redo things. She basically had a narrative that I was Mr. Magoo causing chaos and she was the saintly hard working teammate trying to clean up my messes so I don't get in trouble. HR is still investigating, and I’ve been told to continue documenting anything that comes up. I’m ready to do so but so far it’s been quiet. One unexpected upside is I’m now the sole person at my campus with my title, which came with a pay raise. Not how I would’ve chosen to get it but I’ll take the win. I did file a police report - I think I mentioned this in my last post but if not I was told very clearly that filming in public places isn’t illegal and that there’s no reasonable expectation of privacy in those spaces, so there was no criminal action taken (cue my eyeroll but at least its officially reported). The report is strictly documentation. The local places I frequent have been made aware of the situation and that a report exists. My friends were incredible, they helped me get my car cleaned and detailed just to be absolutely sure there wasn’t anything like a tracker or Air tag like some comments suggested we do. I also finally got around to asking my neighbor to help me install my other security cams. I used to have only one and my doorbell cam and now I can pull up live footage on the whole system all around my house. And to those suggesting a dash cam, I already have one turns out. I never used that feature, so my friends helped. My car is fairly new and I’m still getting used to it. I did start to go over and backup all footage going back since I started at my campus by motion activation points and now have a hilarious compilation of the neighborhood cats being adorable or the crows I feed leaving random things lol (yes I did the crow mom thing). So another good thing came of this. I’m not changing my routines... but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still a little on edge. Especially since multiple coworkers mentioned hearing Casey blow up at Amy on her last day on campus and Amy sent her home for the day (this was on my day off as only Amy and Casey worked MLK day and the coworkers there volunteered to work the holiday for extra pay - time and a half). What she said varies depending on who tells it, but the fact that it happened at all doesn’t exactly make me feel warm and fuzzy as I'm sure you'll understand. But I tell myself everything that can be done on my end, has been done. So I try not to stress about it. That said, I also reached out to a few lawyers just to understand my options. I’m very aware that HR exists to protect the company not me so I want to cover my bases. I meet one over Zoom at my lunch break so wish me luck. I still record when I walk to or from my car. My therapist reminded me to be careful to make sure my being proactive doesn’t turn into living in fear and giving in to my anxiety or PTSD (past trauma). I’m taking that seriously as my mental health has been a journey and I don't want to go back to the way I was before. I can’t and won’t let someone else shrink my life again. I do want to address recurring comments because I can’t reply to everyone individually.. "She goes to bars a lot - drinking is bad!" Yes, I go to bars. No, that does not mean I drink heavily or have a drinking problem (what a leap!). I mean, look I’m disabled and I socialize within what my body allows and thats an isolating enough experience if I let it be. My friends (mostly able-bodied people) go to bars, so sometimes that’s where I go... Sometimes I drink, sometimes I don’t...sometimes it’s a mocktail, sometimes it’s soda. I know my body better than strangers on the internet, to be blunt. For what it’s worth, my ex was an alcoholic and he was abusive and spiraled until it ended him so I promise I’m very aware of what that looks like and am probably one of the last people to be overly concerned about on that matter. "How does she have time to work 2 Jobs and go out? Why wont she just go home" I do in fact have time to go out after work. I work from home full-time and part-time with the school. If I go straight home after a long day I tend to just… keep working. I’m a workaholic by nature and going out helps me actually relax and not make my entire life about my job. I also intentionally line up PTO with most school holidays to rest and take staycations. This is me managing my health both physical and mental not avoiding reality. "Don't go anywhere alone, OP"/concerns for my safety Right now I’m both safe and supported. I’m cautious but I’m still living my life. q I’m choosing not to let this take over my entire world and this is supported by my therapist. Thank you to the people who offered thoughtful advice and genuine concern ❤️ And to the folks who were weirdly judgmental....well, you must be an absolute blast at parties. I’m hoping this is my final Update Edit: the Ice storm woke me up and looked at my phone - Joy and my other friends have a group chat and I think they forgot which chat I’m on with them because they've been trading screenshots of Casey's social media. From what they gathered, Casey did put some of her socials on private in the past day or so but that didn't stop my friends from screenshotting some disturbing posts. In short, Casey has bought into the stereotype that black women especially "steal from the government" by leaning on welfare (such an age old and tired racist trope yet again) and other government programs and this included "faking" disabilities to "rip off" public programs because we clearly don't want to work /s I did just forward this all on to the HR rep I am in contact with. Turns outs, this probably wasn't about my cane after all. Just plain flavored, canned racism without salt. Frankly how boring is that in my country 😴. Edit 2: Joy I'd over with homemade Chili and news. No idea what to make of it but Casey is related to a higher up. Looks like a uncle/Neice. That could be another reason legal is involved but we're guessing at this point.   Editor’s note: Below is the last post we were left off Former coworker filmed me, was fired, and now I’m getting racist notes/messages. what can I actually do?: January 29, 2026 (six days later from the previous date Hi, I’m in Texas and honestly just trying to understand what options I have at this point because this seems to just be escalating and I feel like I’m not getting the help I need. I posted previously in another sub, but things have escalated and people suggested I come here? To summarize...I work full-time from home and part-time at a school. A coworker at said partime job (who on reddit I’ve been calling Casey) secretly took videos of me outside of work to try to “prove” I was faking a disability. I reported this to HR first. Legal eventually got involved. She was put on an admin break, then moved to a different office, and as of this week I was told she’s been finally terminated. She has a relative (her stepfather) who works 2nd tier only to our Director, and he's also reached out to apologize stating that she is struggling financially and is a hard worker and thus was very stressed about getting a better paying position. I can copy and paste it below if needed. There were snow days during part of this (Texas winter storms), so there was a gap where no one was on campus. I was told this delayed me from even logging on to my company email and seeing this info. What’s happening now is that since she was fired, some really unsettling things have started around the same time. For example on Tuesday the 27th, I found a handwritten note placed on my car while it was parked outside my home. It included a racial slur (“n-b*tch”) and calling em selfish. I quickly checked with neighbors on either side and I was the only one who got a note. I checked my dash cam and moved a camera on my home to cover the area going forward. The footage from my dash only shows someone bundled up approaching the car, but no identifying details. As their face was covered and they were wearing like ski looking goggles. Wednesday night the 28th,, I went to trivia night with a friend who drove us in her vehicle (she had "snow tires" on her vehicle and though the roads in our area were pretty clear we wanted to be cautious). When we came back to her car, there was another note with similar language left on her car! We went back and asked for footage but they said they didn't have cameras that worked out there. No damage to either car and we did double check during daylight just in case. I’ve also started getting texts from unknown numbers beginning Monday that are hateful or at least pretty scary. I haven’t replied to any of them. I’ve muted the numbers (in case they text again) and saved screenshots for the police...I reported both note incidents and the messages. I was told that filming in public isn’t illegal..leaving a note without damaging property isn’t a crime, and the messages aren’t "actionable" unless they escalate??? They did take reports and told me to keep documenting which I fully intend to do. Casey no longer works for the company. HR/legal are aware of the original situation. I’m documenting everything (dates, screenshots, photos). I have cameras and a dash cam. I’m not fully changing my routines, but I am being cautious. I think that's pretty much everything...but ask me questions if needed and I will answer. So my questions are: 1) At what point does this become harassment or stalking under Texas law? 2) Is there anything proactive I should be doing now besides documenting? 3) Would a cease and desist make sense, or could that backfire? 4) Is there any civil option here, or is this realistically just “wait and see unless it escalates”? I’m not trying to overreact...but the pattern is starting to freak me out and I want to make sure I’m handling this the right way and get the help I need to make this stop. I am almost certain it's Casey but without proof I'm not able to get any traction with the cops. Thanks in advance Location: TX   ----NEW UPDATE---- Trigger Warnings: graphic description of panic attack Update #2: February 12, 2026 (two weeks later from the previous post) So this was canceled by mods on the sub and I respect that so here is the post for any who care: I'm so sorry I honestly thought my last update was the end but things just keep happening and at this point, reddit is my little safe space. I am at my friends home drinking her wine and lounging in her guest room safe and not alone. I am safe. Thank you everyone who have been asking/checking in on me. I'm ok. Promise. Just stressed. My life has pretty much become a cartoon, I swear lol and I've become that weirdo who now makes jokes that ride the line of funny and not appropriate but my jokes are about me so I'm giving myself space. The morning I found the Air Tag in the inside pocket of my cardigan, I went straight to the police. They took it as evidence immediately and for the first time it felt I was being taken seriously. I don’t know the technical details of what happens next, but I was told it was fucking active and they would pursue the account information attached to it. So yay they're taking this more seriously meets Christ almighty this is so fucking serious. And cue my brain just failing to cope. I had what I was told later to be a panic attack. It was unlike any I've had before. For one, I gained a stutter, and I fully believed it was a heart attack and not a panic attack because my heart felt like it was about to come out of my damn chest. I sat down and my lungs were on fire. It was hell. A few restless days later, I was informed that Casey had been confronted by police. I don’t know what was said during that interaction and I haven’t been given many details, but my lawyer said that same evening she was arrested for Public Intoxication and Resisting Arrest. Those charges are public record. I’m not celebrating that in a petty sense but practical. It just confirmed for me that the instability I was feeling around this situation wasn’t imagined and that unfortunately, right now, her being held by police meant I was safe. It was the first night since this all happened that I was able to sleep Since that arrest...no notes left anywhere I've found and not texts. Only her relative who works upper management above me who emailed me and said he was sorry this was happening, but it was worded in a way that didn't really say sorry for what she did to me. It was frustrating and political and I just would have preferred he say nothing at all. I didn't respond. I just forwarded to my lawyer. There hasn’t been any further direct contact. However, something else came to light that forced me to take additional precautions because of course OF COURSE it is never that simple. Earlier on when I first started there, I had briefly misplaced my keys at work - I was told a student found them and brought them to the office and told they were kind (I have a Totoro charm and a Sailor Venus charm on mine). I was told just recently that a male office staff member handed them to Casey because she claimed she was picking them up for me. I was never informed of that at the time as Amy ultimately handed me my keys. There is no proof she copied them. But there is no proof she didn’t...and I now live in the better safe than sorry camp. Given everything that has happened, I can’t ignore the possibility. I’m now changing all of my locks. It’s expensive and frustrating, but I don’t want to live with uncertainty about who has access to my home especially people who are unhinged enough to stalk me. I've been sent enough horror stories. They live rent free in my brain now. So no, I have no intention of being an episode on a show on Investigation Discovery. My employer has placed me on paid leave until after spring break while everything is sorted out per HR literally this past Monday. I didn’t request it, but I understand the reasoning and am glad of it. They framed it as a safety and liability measure while legal processes continue. Like. Say less. Plus it's no questions asked full scheduled hours pay and my main job is WFH so I've barely left my friend's place. She mainly works from home too and we've just been watching My Hero Academia and Komi Can't Communicate until we run out of episodes and drinking wine at the end of our work hours. She also showed me how to play Dragon Age and Elder Scrolls. In return since she won't accept money for rent I've been cooking more. I'm actually a bit good, and she's a huge foodie. So we've gotten down cookbooks from her shelves and have been picking our favorites. Last night I made calzones, tonight I'm here on reddit while waiting for my timer after the chicken marinates to make fried chicken and mash potatoes with homemade gravy. I’m less scared than I was two weeks ago and focusing on things like this and my plans for after. Meanwhile I actually have gotten texts of photos of the students holding banners and cards hoping I come back soon and it does feel nice. Finding the Air Tag was the turning point for me and really sent me into a tizzy. But on the bright (?) Side It made the situation concrete instead of speculative and police took me seriously. I’m still documenting everything and working with my lawyer. I’m taking this one step at a time. So while I think this for the sake of this "saga" on this forum is concluded I will just update on my own account on this if I do at all. For now, I’m resting. I’m trying to let my nervous system calm down after weeks of being on edge and my therapist said that the cooking, the anime marathons, the binging "Is it cake?" At night is all good. I guess I need to level out still before being back to my old normal or...maybe a new equivalent normal. Idk. I truly hope this is the final update overall. But thank you for the support. It meant and means a lot. It helps when oth3rs tell you that you're not crazy. Hope your valentine's days are full of love.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

https://michaeljburry.substack.com/p/foundations-the-big-short-squeeze New Michael Burry just dropped, and yes it's about Gamestop. Foundations: The Big Short Squeeze Gamestop: The Prequel Tore a blade from my lawn and – without so much as a peep – launched it toward the moon. Unsure as to east or west, as that was not my intention, I knew where it would land. There, next to the living, to die and feed the next generation. Such is the trajectory of many, many common stocks. In a distinguishly analog manner, I know this. Stacked in Scion’s conference room are S&P stock guides for every month going back to 1968. I guarantee you have not heard of the vast majority of the companies in those guides. For those that do not trust anything analog, since 1990, there have been over 750 replacements in the S&P 500 Index. Google’s Gemini 3 Pro swears by it. Claude Max agrees. Gemini 3 Pro and Claude Max further propose that 45% of the top 20 names in the 1999 NASDAQ 100 ended up bankrupt or acquired after a >75% loss. This checks out, my conference room says. Capital is always fighting to be recycled. Thusly, you now carry the knowledge that most investors are best off in an index – and have no need to invest in individual stocks. If one is rather young and has 50-70 years left, then one absolutely should be almost entirely invested in common stock indices, preferably the S&P 500 or the Nasdaq 100 or both. Live life, touch grass, achieve real things, automatically reinvest dividends, and let the compounding of the Index Gods do the work. Maybe not this very day, but over time, this is the way for most. Of course, some of us just do…not…want…easy. For them, well, their God gave them GameStop. I never do easy, and I am 54, so that God has given me many more of GameStop’s kind. Avanti (2001) and GameStop (2020) turned out well. Pillowtex (2002) and Tailored Brands (also 2020) not so well. From the beginning to the end of my professional money management career I repeatedly did not do easy. These are not all I do, but on balance, I’ve been batting about .700. So I keep coming back. And there would be no GameStop if there was no Avanti. Trust me, I always do this. Avanti Third quarter of 2001, I looked up the stock of a company named Avant!. I called it Avanti. Avanti made industry-leading electronic design automation (EDA) software for the design of semiconductors, and I was looking its way because the company had been found guilty of stealing source code from Cadence Systems. Five of their executives went to jail. Shareholders dumped the stock viciously. It fell over 80%. I salivated. That overstates it. I thought it could be interesting. I called friends at Xilinx and Altera, two of the biggest fabless chip design companies of the time. Also, very local to me. I learned Avanti had best-in-class products – Apollo, Astro, the Milkyway Database – but was not run by nice guys. I did all my research freeform in Microsoft Notepad back then – below are my first Avanti 10K skim review, and my first Avanti conference call notes. ANTV Review 7.09.01 (PDF File Download) AVTN 8.02.01 CC (PDF File Download) The stock had fallen to more or less two times free cash flow, and I started buying. I also called their CFO and arranged a call with a hard money financing firm. From Notepad: https://preview.redd.it/ylf4zvms5i7g1.jpg?width=880&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=55802ce373aa28daba20ac98476b155cee0e0e21 I liked the stock. It had fallen to where it was trading at less than one year’s free cash flow. It was heavily shorted and well-known short seller Jim Chanos had been on the news pitching it as a short. It looked like Chanos was winning. But I kept buying. My thesis had nothing to do with the short interest – it was pure value, buying industry-leading products at a discount to free cash flow. I wrote to Jim Clarke, one of my best friends, then at Brandywine Asset Management, now a Poo-Bah (Director of Fundamental Equity Research) at Franklin Templeton. https://preview.redd.it/f3gcftiw5i7g1.jpg?width=1456&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d5cabf27b448ccbb3c29cadeb79bfcd9af4fafc5 Warren Buffett and Ben Graham had their cigar butts. So, now you know what rhymes with butts. I do not speak like that. Therefore, it was memorable, and Jimbo told that story to Michael Lewis. So, she found herself on the pages of a bestseller. Luckily for me, she did not make it in Hollywood. The first 3-4 years at Scion Capital, it was the Wild West. My letters to investors never identified the investments. As a result, my investors left me alone – and appreciated the returns they earned by leaving me alone. No one knew about the village s**ts, and nobody was hurt by not knowing. Scion Capital’s “black box” was simple fundamental equity research. And it worked great. That is not the way of hedge funds today. So it is. Avanti worked out, as I wrote to Scion Capital’s investors in early January 2002. https://preview.redd.it/k0oa7cr06i7g1.jpg?width=804&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=391d0584895ddc245b7335b852d54ad5b06144bb The body of Scion Capital’s 2001 annual letter is available as a .pdf at the end of this article. If you are interested, the letter captures what I was thinking in late 2001 as stocks recovered vigorously from the 9/11 tragedy, which had shut down markets. Avanti was acquired by Synopsys for a bit less than $1 billion in stock, and that is the reason Synopsys had a 20% stake in SMIC which it has been selling off the last 3 years. Today, SMIC has a market cap of $84 billion. So that stake in SMIC that was originally Avanti’s would be worth $17 billion today. I was buying Avanti in September of 2001 at a market cap of nearing $100 million. My shares in Avanti, if I held all the Synopsys shares I received in the acquisition, today would be worth over $250 million – and counting. This investment even now could go on for decades. Synopsys and Cadence are essentially a duopoly in the software used to design semiconductors. Amazing that at the bottom, Avanti was left for dead at less than 2/3 annual free cash flow. That was no cigar butt. The village s**t had become the belle of the ball, and today continues a very celebrated and distinguished life. Back to GME 2018, I am running through my lists, I spot GME, do some preliminary work, and exclaimed out loud for my wife to hear, “Eureka, I have found another village s**t!” I started dabbling in the stock during the summer of 2018. I noted GME’s call options were very active. This type of thing would play a large role later. And actually, no I did not say that to my wife. https://preview.redd.it/euq622i36i7g1.jpg?width=1115&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=191bea5a2f8c50cf01ecb006bea7028bae63bd62 As an investor, my thinking on GameStop was that it should have gone away a long time ago, but it had not. I wanted to know why. PC gaming had been a major threat for many years, but the console cycle still was strong. The prior console cycle had peaked in the 2014 time frame. And the next console cycle was delayed to 2020. My (only) analyst Joe noted GME was in trouble back in 2014, but we had not shorted it. A note about Joe. I had hired Joe as a chemical engineer out of Lehigh University after he had interned with me back in 2003. He took a break when I did and enrolled with a full ride at Rutgers School of Law. The first year he was diagnosed with Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM), an acutely lethal brain cancer. He fought the cancer thanks to miracle surgery at UCSF and finished law school top of his class. I eagerly rehired him in 2013 upon his graduation from law school, which he attended purely to become a better investor. Regarding GameStop, Joe was still skeptical in 2018 as he continued chemo, battling recurrent cancer. https://preview.redd.it/96wjk2l56i7g1.jpg?width=1456&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8ebfcf42f9a91375cc66fb3bf2fd5bbb99971a44 But I was now locking in on it. In 2018 I was looking for that console refresh in 2020 to boost the stock. I was early, I knew, but I usually am, and I thought I saw a number of catalysts. The stock seemed undervalued to me. It had a slug of cash and decent cash flows for being so late in the cycle. Summer of 2018 there was a lot of talk from brokerage houses about GME potentially going private in a leveraged buyout (LBO), a possible catalyst. The company was also looking to sell off its Spring Mobile – a chain of 1,284 AT&T Wireless stores – for a decent amount of cash, and I saw that as a potential catalyst. The company had roughly $350-400 million in owners’ earnings each of the prior four years, $800 million cash, and about a $1.3 billion market cap. It actually screened well and was still cheap. That is always a warning sign in today’s world. https://preview.redd.it/cep1w7nb6i7g1.jpg?width=1456&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=15fc6d54d1bcdc49d3e897583bb230b9e88a3fef You see income had sagged in calendar year 2017, and that had brought weakness to the price, but I hypothesized it was typical late console cycle pessimism that would be remedied within a few years. https://preview.redd.it/t1g953hd6i7g1.jpg?width=1456&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=be1a2cc837da261a7b5cfa5d1f5d18c33b18ecd7 Its significant cash flow – and cash from the sale of Spring – could play into a very big and consequential buyback. Another possible catalyst. Still I was not very convinced in the thesis. I kept the position small through 2018. Inventories were building in a bad way. They did sell off Spring Wireless for $700 million cash (and a giant accounting loss) later that year, and with that sale and surprisingly large 4th quarter inventory liquidation, cash jumped to $1.6 billion, about the level of its market capitalization. https://preview.redd.it/eu4l5e2f6i7g1.jpg?width=1456&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a2c463b555d80a0c8eb7e15eb03ee6e7fe200214 Activists arrived, but not as the cavalry they might have been. Permit Capital Enterprise Fund and Hestia Capital Partners on March 13, 2019 had sent a letter GameStop’s board, following up on a prior February letter. We are long-term stockholders in the Company: Permit since 2011 and Hestia since 2012. Additionally, GameStop represents the largest holding for both funds due to our belief that the Company is dramatically undervalued and has significant upside potential. We are not typically activist investors. However, the Board’s lack of a meaningful response following Hestia’s February 12, 2019 open letter to the Board (the “February 12 Letter”), a link to which can be found here, and Hestia’s considerable efforts to engage with the Board, have driven us to group together and speak publicly now. It is our goal to work constructively with the Board to address ongoing value destruction at the Company. However, if this letter fails to elicit an acceptable response, we are prepared to take our proposals directly to stockholders and nominate directors for election at the Company’s 2019 annual meeting. The Company recently announced plans to retire certain of its debt and approved a new share repurchase authorization, which appears to be in response to the February 12 Letter. However, these measures do not go far enough in scale or commitment to result in meaningful change for stockholders. In order to reverse the Company’s prolonged history of value destruction, we believe it is imperative that the Board be immediately refreshed with new, independent directors with relevant experience to focus on: optimizing the business, returning capital to stockholders, rebuilding company leadership and assessing the failed sale process. Gamestop Letter 03 13 19 Final Version (PDF Download) I had also been asking the company to do buybacks. But with almost all the catalysts that I had expected played out, I sold my GME position to zero during the second quarter of 2019. I was puzzled at the relentless selling pressure in the face of seemingly good news, and decided maybe there was something I did not understand. I had relatively small losses, and took them. The stock kept falling and then, on June 5th, the stock crashed from $7.82 to $5.04 on bad earnings and an initially confusing steep drop in the cash balance. Immediately, on June 7th, GameStop responded by announcing a modified Dutch Auction tender for 12 million shares, roughly 12% of shares then outstanding, at a cash purchase price of not more than $6 a share and not less than $5.20 a share ($1.26 adjusted for splits). The stock closed at $5.02 on June 7, 2019. I was interested again. A modified Dutch Auction tender involves shareholders naming their price within a range, and the company chooses the lowest price within that range at which it can buy all 12 million shares (48 million shares today adjusted for splits). I thought the stock would fall after the Dutch Auction, and I was not happy with the amount of shares being bought back. I wrote only to myself, as Joe was not doing well. https://preview.redd.it/z3bthepu6i7g1.jpg?width=706&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=69e3ae05572154edbd6d5beed174a20bbb18082d And that is what happened – the stock stayed in a range, and then weakened after tender was over. All expected. Here I put 2019 into an anachronistic chart post-split so you can see the prices and volumes on today’s terms. https://preview.redd.it/akia8mhw6i7g1.jpg?width=1456&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=70dc39162e613855eca82f18fc1d87f692e638c0 On July 15, 2019, I bought back into GME with both hands and made it one of my larger positions. I had a brand new thesis. Yes, I brought along most of the points of the prior thesis, and I had been eyeing their hard assets such as real estate, thinking of sale-leasebacks as source of cash. https://preview.redd.it/6u32xb7y6i7g1.jpg?width=946&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9535de39b6f363e90efc23db8ed93e661241383b Those amounts do not look like a lot, but the market cap was only about $400 million. It had over half a billion in cash, and I was Sherlock Holmesing every nook and cranny of extra expense or hidden assets – or liabilities. I also took aim at their corporate jet. https://preview.redd.it/blovnayz6i7g1.jpg?width=1117&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5fbf0eb8c31f618d788a34880a1ca59c5d59f42d However, the new thesis, in addition to apparent undervaluation, regarded a potential catalyst in the high short interest. 74% of the stock’s outstanding shares were shorted, and that was rising fast. I felt a buyback of size could work magic. They had retired 12% of their shares in response to earlier pressure from both me and Hestia and Permit. I thought they had room to do more, and more importantly might be amenable to doing more. GameStop had unusually high volume during that summer, and that could help a buyback of size get done quickly. https://preview.redd.it/8qhh6ki17i7g1.jpg?width=1064&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3cfd394ea6e0466f401d349b769790c5ba11220f A massive amount of the share base turning over with increasing speed got me thinking and triggered my big buy on the 15th of July. I had been invested in Overstock.com over a decade prior when naked short selling became a very big – and controversial – concern. Very high volume, many alleged, comes with naked short selling. More on this later. I also took time to assure my whole team that I wasn’t crazy. https://preview.redd.it/5zupeds37i7g1.jpg?width=1066&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=870f97ce930047a8e0559c06f7ba3f799e80a86c I visited a GameStop store to make sure I was not crazy. It did not work. Even the stuff that was not on sale looked like it should be on sale. On July 28, 2019, I wrote to GameStop’s Board of Directors, focusing on the opportunity to buy back a massive portion of their company very quickly due to the high volume. Below is an excerpt. https://preview.redd.it/jc9hh0sb7i7g1.jpg?width=890&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8f7dd3ec0b0deef1c71d8032704a55e9e33cf72b A .pdf of the full letter is below: July 28 2019 Letter (PDF Download) To be honest, I believed that, because of the book and movie, my name and that of Scion would potentially create a stir among shareholders and possibly even management. Perhaps, I thought, they would take this suggestion seriously. And then, tragically, Joe passed away August 4, 2019. Rest in Peace Joe. You were one of the greatest intellects this world has seen, life cut far too short. I still pray for his kids. Ten days after Joe’s passing, I returned from the funeral in New Jersey. I sat down at my desk, paused for no small reflection, and started buying more GameStop shares. The letter stimulated many emails from GameStop shareholders, most of which I ignored fastidiously as I did not want to form a group under SEC rules. If I and even one other shareholder combined for over 5% of the shares, and we did not file a Schedule 13D, we would be subject to SEC enforcement actions. So when Keith Gill emailed me, he was just another GameStop shareholder to avoid. I ignored it like all the others. I cannot regret it because I was in that mode. I did not know who he was, or that the Keith Gill had emailed me until the SEC investigation later in 2021. https://preview.redd.it/5ma3zc8h7i7g1.jpg?width=891&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7d00abcd8ecbd9442ae1117558e9f5377e47feab A month later, unbeknownst to me, Keith Gill launched as “Roaring Kitty” on YouTube. He began posting his GME thesis and talking it up in August 2019. I engaged with the company after the first letter, but it was superficial, and I did not get the sense I would get the action I wanted. I agreed to a short interview with Tae Kim at Barron’s. On August 26th, I sent another letter to the Board of GameStop, excerpt below. Maybe because of Joe’s passing in the interim, I was in a fighting mood. Several of the Board of Directors started buying shares during September, perhaps in response to my media and letters campaign. I was monitoring trading in GameStop closely. I monitored the stock for signs of a buyback, and I watched patterns – companies cannot buy back stock from 30 minutes before the close, for instance. I deduced GameStop was buying back stock, and they were doing it through Merrill Lynch. I used Excel to record, in real time, both the buyback and effects on Scion’s ownership percentage. An excerpt below. https://preview.redd.it/892ag0hm8i7g1.jpg?width=1456&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ff7ecbc070b37d5f3a63238c34eea134171f53af For example my 3.1 million shares were 5.37% of outstanding based on this running tally. But I was still officially under 5% from the SEC’s point of view. GameStop arranged for its executives to fly to California to meet with me. Before that happened, I was contacted by Ryan Cohen in early October 2019. Ryan and I talked for about 2 hours, mostly not about GameStop at all since neither of us wanted to form a group under SEC rules. I enjoyed the talk, which went in many directions. I liked Ryan a lot. Ryan struck me as a deep value investor. He explained he takes very big positions and waits. The Wells Fargo investment at the time seemed like it would be a long wait due to the asset cap, and he did not care. This is partly the freedom of not running money for others. Personally, I hold stocks a lot longer than I do when running a hedge fund. It’s just the nature of the beast, and many other managers are the same way. But Ryan struck me as more patient than most. Ryan seemed young. I believed he possibly had the temperament to be the next Buffett, but I did not get to know him that well. We did not talk again. I was surprised when he took the stake and position he did. I met with GameStop management on October 21st of 2019, and I discovered both George Sherman and Jim Bell were veterans – otherwise the meeting did not achieve much. I liked them as people. As result of Hestia and Permit, and then my pressure, GameStop bought back 38.1 million shares during fiscal year 2019. The average price, just $5.21 a share. That is $1.30 today, adjusted for the split 37% of the company’s shares retired in one year at $1.30 – shareholders today should appreciate that. At the time, I was satisfied. The stock did nothing. There was no short squeeze, and the very high volume continued. Throughout 2020, average volume was about 15 million shares a day – a little less than 25% of shares outstanding. In today’s terms that would be 60 million shares a day. The short interest in GameStop trended up through 2019, and remained at a high level throughout 2020. In March, 2020 GameStop announced some board changes that followed my recommendations. This was a non-event as to any short or long thesis dynamics. Short interest remained at all-time highs, and the stock did not react. In fact, in April 2020, the stock fell to a new low at $2.57 ($0.64 today). It was interesting though as J.K. Symancyk, the CEO of PetSmart at the time, joined the board. As well a former Nintendo President and former Walmart U.S. CEO joined the board, but J.K was interesting because of a potential connection between J.K. and Ryan Cohen. PetSmart had bought Chewy in May 2017 for $3.35 billion. Ryan ran Chewy until March 2018, and J.K. arrived as CEO in June of 2018. I was minorly thrilled at the board additions, and the resignations. I never spoke to Ryan about J.K., however. I continued to hold my position. GameStop’s attention shifted to strengthening the balance sheet and reducing debt with cash flow. I agreed with that. There was a little dust-up with the Board, Scion and another activist during the summer of 2020, but not relevant here. On August 28th, Ryan Cohen’s firm RC Ventures filed a Form 13D with the SEC. At the time of the filing, there were 65 million shares outstanding. Ryan owned 5.8 million of them, and I controlled 3.0 million. I was just below the filing threshold, on purpose. I had already made my splash a year earlier to no real impact on the price. I did not want to go over 5%. I also traded a portion of my position around – something I do when stocks are in the doldrums for a while – and did not want to have to file after every trade. Ryan was well above the threshold, with a purpose. The D in Form 13D – as opposed to 13G – meant Ryan was free to influence management. As well, that was his money and there was a lot more of it. My firm was never that big because I did not market it. Chewy.com had IPO’d a little over a year earlier. I imagined he was coming with another big bet – and with his patience in tow. GME shares jumped over 20% the next trading day. Ryan was 35. The average age of the millennial retail trader was – you guessed it – 35. Chewy.com was a big beneficiary from COVID. Retail traders might not have made it a meme stock, but they either owned pets or knew someone who did. In 2020, Millennials were 32% of all pet owners. The “pandemic puppy” became a thing. It was as if COVID was created for Chewy.com’s IPO lockup expiry. The increasingly frenzied speculation over Ryan’s motives hit another level with his November 16th letter badgering GameStop into a new technology-forward direction. Ryan’s letter stopped short of recommending a comprehensive strategy, but made clear the company needed to become more technologically with the times. He intended to push the company in that direction. The first three days of trading after the letter, the stock did not move at all. Heard inside Scion’s offices, “Everything Cohen suggests is either already being done or highly speculative in nature.” I did not say it, but I agreed. Then, the stock took off. And by month’s end Scion was out. Coming to the end of 2020, I had carried my full GameStop position – 3,000,000 shares, plus or minus, through 16+ months. Most of that time, I lent my shares out at very good rates – high double digits – which was lucrative and a big part of the trade. I do not believe I have ever earned so much simply being short a stock. Of course, far less than if… The chart below represents Scion’s time holding GameStop as a top long position in the fund. https://preview.redd.it/4022jyku8i7g1.jpg?width=1076&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d942e6ac10460155cb5eda0ef2c4bf5987414bf7 My average cost on those shares was $3.32, equivalent to $0.83 today. When it really started to run late in 2020, I sold the position at an average price of roughly $13.50 ($3.38). The short interest as a percentage of float when I exited was about 128%, not too different from what it had been for much of the prior year. Volume was rising, bringing down the days to cover ratio. The short interest however, stayed elevated at its July 2019 through 2020 levels on into January 2021. https://preview.redd.it/geeio51a9i7g1.jpg?width=1069&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9a34177182ebddbeb87edf83b52a638dc5da9981 I could have analyzed that situation better. I knew GameStop inside and out, and I thought I understood the volume, short interest, and other dynamics. However, I was blinded by what I saw as execution risk. As well, I am human. I had seen buybacks shrink shares by a third in the setting of 100% short interest, the reorganizing of the Board of Directors, and the selling of Spring Wireless for cash in the amount of more than half the market cap. All were home run/slam dunk activist successes with concrete results but zero impact on price or short interest. The narrative on GameStop was just that bad. I figured what had already been wrought was more concrete than a vague “technology-forward” makeover with a ton of execution risk. So I used Ryan’s unveiling as an opportunity to close out. I had no idea what was coming. I had no idea that a Roaring Kitty existed. And I had no idea that a widely distributed gamma squeeze would thread the needle to become the one and only legal market corner. So, I did not think more about it. During the 4th quarter of 2020, I had other worries. We had dropped a very large separate account due to a management change on their end. That account was over 25% of our assets, and required sales across the portfolio as we approached year’s end. During 2020, we basically doubled their money. But no new money was coming in, as I just did not market. The withdrawals came in from others as well – they needed cash to pay taxes on the gains. So I was in selling mode across my portfolio in November, December and January and therefore on the sidelines when it happened. The Big Short Squeeze About 50 or so days after Scion got out of GameStop, that ignominious crappy business that I though was just a, well, you know…GameStop was the belle of the ball. The entire world could not take their eyes off her. And neither could I. https://preview.redd.it/eu8cqfe59i7g1.jpg?width=1069&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3e952c9ce37e55ce79091492f7783230e6694694 On January 13, 2021, she broke definitively out of the teens and touched almost $39/share on 144 million shares (576 million today adjusted for splits). On a stock with 67 million shares outstanding. I did not believe I had seen that before. The stock then went sideways on falling volume for about a week. If I had not already sold, I would have sold that. At the peak my years-long investment might have have turned $12 million into $1 billion, but that was never a possibility. I also noticed those GameStop call options with crazy volume. Again. July of 2019, I had noticed call options trading as well as abnormally high volume in the stock, both out of line with anything that came before. It was discussed here about 2000 words ago. But in January 2021, volume was 10 times bigger on both share volume and call activity. The Gamma Squeeze What was happening has been well-described, but for those who have not heard yet, I will go over it briefly. Retail traders in the thousands, egged on by Roaring Kitty and online discussion, bought massive volumes of calls – orders of magnitude more than typical volume. The other side of that trade were market makers, hedge funds, prop desks. The two biggest by far were the market makers Citatel Securities and Virtu Financial. Those two have the capital required to sell that volume of calls. This is where the greeks come in. It is not my game. I hate the greeks (the symbols, not the people). But they played a big role. When Citadel or any market maker sells a call, it buys stock in the open market in an amount such that the entire position is delta neutral. Delta reflects the sensitivity of options to stock price movements. A delta of 1.0 is unity or 1:1 movement between a stock and an option. Gamma is the slope or rate of change of Delta. As Gamma increases, it makes intuitive sense that it would be harder to maintain a balanced delta-neutral position over time. Gamma fights attempts at Delta neutrality. When a market maker or dealer sells a call option it becomes short Gamma. This is normally not a problem. It buys stock and manages toward Delta neutrality. But the coordinated buying of calls by thousands of retail traders all at once created systemic Gamma exposure across all dealers at the same time, leading to a systemic rise in “short gamma.” This made it very hard to maintain Delta neutrality. To restore neutrality, all the dealers had to buy stock at the same time. And that is why a big part of happened in GameStop stock is called a gamma squeeze. The success of these retail traders was not lost on others, and the lightning spread. Not just GameStop but other stocks such AMC, Blackberry, Hertz, and even Tesla. The Corner(ed) Market Fairly quickly I realized I was watching a legal market corner. Traditionally, a corner is when a group of investors buys up enough supply of a commodity or investment security to artificially drive prices higher and in many cases squeeze shorts. Very common in the days of the railroad stock bubble. Yes there were shorts back then. A lot of them. Not sure how many were naked. With GameStop, specific forums online with pseudonymous leaders actively promoted the gamma squeeze as a way to get the shorts, and it was given the cape of righteousness – retail sticking it to Wall Street. Wall Street of course spends all its days sticking it to each other. But that is populism for ya. If a hedge fund or group of hedge funds did the same thing – executing a continuous days or weeks-long gamma squeeze, it would have been illegal. If a couple of non-Wall Street people had the capital to do it, same thing – not legal. Distribute the corner coordination broadly enough and it becomes a just a free market, which in turn makes the corner pointless, with no advantage. However, say a few thousand do it, maybe as a collective they find the sweet spot of distributed coordination where it works like a corner and is by default legal simply because enforcement is impossible. The market asymmetry continues, with no enforcement, and the corner works. The SEC just said, “No thank you, carry on, carry on.” Kudos to retail for threading that needle. I do not believe this has been seen before. Once done, it spread like lightning. COVID gave retail traders personal time at exactly the point Roaring Kitty and Ryan Cohen took the mic. Then came the COVID checks. Naked Short Sellers? Going back 20 years, naked short sellers entered my field of vision when I was long Overstock and took an activist stake. It was contentious. I had nothing to do with it, but I was actually sued by a short-seller for being long the stock. His name rhymes with Cohodes. So I know how dirty this whole game can get, but contrary to popular belief, I believe most of that 140% short position in GameStop was not naked short selling but rather simple, legal layering of trades. When a stock is borrowed from an owner and shorted to a buyer who then in turn lends the shares for shorting, a cycle is created and repeated. And if demand for shorting is high, this cycle will become a fairly elegant and long sequence. Most of the exposures in that chain/sequence are actually synthetic positions. Sounds terrible, does it not? But it is all perfectly legal and correct. Every one of those transactions in the sequence is recorded and properly settled. The wiring of the market deals with this just fine during normal times. It would take a very big volatility event to upset that apple cart. The humans working this are not idiots. GameStop was unprecedented though. All that layering, all those synthetics, had to be unwound with urgency at the same exact time. The beautiful sequencing broke down. Dealers have temporary exemptions to be nakedly short, which also is not usually a problem, but for when a correlation event like GameStop happens. This is what happened with GameStop – all that call buying by retail created the aforementioned gamma squeeze, and the layering became a mess. It was resolved by panic buying. Professional fund managers and short-sellers were caught out in this way. Identifiable real shares became scarce, and the urgency to cover grew. No shorts had to be naked for this to happen, and I am sure there were some, but naked short selling was not a prime factor. Plus C’est La Meme So there was a lot going on inside The Big Short Squeeze. It was spectacular. It was hilarious. It was tragic in turn. Middle of 2021, I thought it was less fun. Meme stocks had become an almost-sober investment strategy, egged on by newly celebrity CEOs. 2021 is when NFTs soared in value along with watches, shoes, just about everything. Several – shall I say village s***s – were partying like it’s 1999 and thinking of selling billions of dollars of stock in their beauty, sure to depreciate. GameStop sold over $1 billion in stock at $225/share. Absolutely a smart move. But man I just thought retail was gong to be shredded on this meme thing. I had been on the sidelines, but I felt I should speak up. I gave an interview to Barron’s in late June, honestly trying to warn people. People wonder why I do this, but if there is one thing I wish I could have done, it was to have effectively warned or spoken about what was happening in 2005-2007. I think I did myself no favors not smiling during that walk in front of the cameras. Beary Burry forever. I was early but by much less than I usually am. AMC collapsed from there, others peaked a month or two later, but by 2023, they had all fallen, and I thought the meme trade was dead. I hope some listened. In any event, here is GameStop in 2025, with a market capitalization near $10 billion. On the surface of it, given my history with GameStop, that number is stunning. Not only relative to what I was paying for the stock and what the company was worth just a few years ago. If I held GameStop this entire time, my investment in GameStop would be worth $250 million. Roughly the same amount my Avanti investment would have become over 25 years in the hands of a very good duopolist in the semiconductor industry. GameStop has been run for some time now by Ryan Cohen. His tenure has not been perfect, yet the company has recently produced significant free cash flow, has a ton of cash on the balance sheet, some very asymmetric convertible debt, and a business model that has been revamped to be more online, more digital, more crypto, more collectibles, and fewer stores. As a melting ice cube and a capital structure with some optionality, GameStop is roughly as I approached it in 2018, except it is only 16% shorted, all the numbers are 10 times bigger and Ryan is running it, for better or worse. Those who know me, as well as those who have read my posts so far here on Cassandra Unchained, know that I believe history often lends a valuable perspective to analysis. This post is clearly along those lines. It is a Foundations post. These posts cover subjects that would feel at home in a book if I were to write one. They are meant to provide both a foundation and a reference for future Idea posts, which are analyses of current opportunities. This whole saga was a valuable lesson for me, and, I hope, for some of you. The second and final post in this GameStop mini-series will be an Idea post – my breakdown of GameStop as an investment today. Until Next Time! submitted by /u/diamondhands to r/Superstonk [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP posted from 2 accounts: u/ChildFreeForLife1 & u/ChildFreeForLife2 Originally posted to r/AITAH AITAH for not canceling my vacation and reporting a coworker for harassment? Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Trigger Warnings: entitlement, verbal abuse, mentions of a death of loved one, mentions racism Mood Spoilers: appalling Original Post: December 3, 2025 At my job you can only roll over 250 vacation hours. So, come December 31st if you have over 250 hours, you lose them. They don't pay it out. Every year, my husband and I take several longish (10-11 days) scheduled vacations. Visiting a relative in Florida, Family Reunion wherever it's being hosted, anniversary trip each Fall, etc. I always end up having over 250 hours even though we take those trips. I usually take between the 15th-18th of Dec through the 5th or 6th of Jan off. I have been doing this for nine years (and its approved). We hired "Haley" in October. She has made it clear that her son is her life. That's well and fine. I don't care one way or another. Haley came to my desk on Monday and asked me if I would reconsider my time off in December. When I asked why she said that she had requested some time off to travel with her son for the holidays to see her family but it was denied because I'm off. I just said "No, sorry." and turned back around. That afternoon, Haley sent me an email with an itemized timeline of all the time off I had taken this year (our team has a shared calendar so we can know when the other are out of office) and asked to please reconsider and she CCd our boss. I will be honest this severely pissed me off. I don't butt into anyone else's business ever. I don't care if I see your ass parked on the 50-yard line at the Eagles game the same day you call in sick. (Go birds!). As long as I'm not having to do your work, I do not care. I emailed back immediately saying that I don't appreciate her combing through my vacation time and that my answer was still no and I did not want to discuss the matter further. Yesterday morning, I was called into a meeting my boss "Lisa" and Haley. Lisa jumped right in saying that she saw Haleys email and my response and Haley wanted to meet. I told Haley and Lisa both, I will not be canceling my vacation. Haley starts raising her voice about how my child free traveling should take a back seat to working class mother's and their kids. She claimed that I hate kids from my remarks in the workplace, and she felt I was retaliating for the "cause". Both Lisa and I were shocked at the accusation. I am child free by choice. My husband and I have lots of nieces and nephews as well as God children and we are happy. We do not hate kids! Lisa knows this as well. We have worked together in total for about 15 years. I told Haley that she's making a false accusation and this was now an HR matter. I got up and left the meeting even though Lisa asked me to stay. About a half hour later, I got another email from Haley but she was informing me she was asking Lisa to make the call to revoke my PTO and be fair to others on our team. Then, I overheard her telling a team member I'm not letting her take time off because I hate kids and I'm part of the hateful child free community. That was the last straw for me. I attached both of her emails and wrote an email to HR about her harassing and slandering me. I gave the name of the coworker she was talking to and the conversation context as well. I hit send and forwarded it to my boss afterwards so she knew was what going on. About an hour ago, I found out that Haley has a meeting with HR on Friday and she will more than likely be fired. The coworker she complained to told me that he felt I overreacted and that she was just venting about finding child care for the holidays because of work and I should have sat down to talk about it more. A friend who is aslo a colleague (who told me about the meeting) said she thought I let my anger get the best of me and now Haley may lose her job when she's just a stressed out and overly tired mother having a bad day. I will admit I used the buzz words of harassment and slander to get my point across but it had been two days of an asked and answered conversation and I was done with it. So, AITA for reporting her over this incident? P.S. - I am not the only one off. We are a team of five people and two other coworkers are off during the time she wants, but they have children. And the "remarks"? She asked me when she started why I don't want kids and I said I like coming home to clean and quiet house. That's the extent of the "remarks". EDIT: I am in the US (Midwest) and my company is huge on work life balance due to burn out in our field. You're eligible to use your PTO after 30 days and it accrues fast. After looking, Haley is eligible for 52 hours of PTO to date. EDIT #2: A lot of questions about my vacation time. lol. During Covid, my company allowed us all to roll over all PTO from 2020-2022 because of the no travel stuff happening. In 2023 they moved the bar from 150 hours (4ish weeks) up to 250 (6ish weeks) roll over because a lot of people complained about losing a lot of time when they didn't travel. You were not required to bank your time. Some people took their and traveled. We took the pandemic seriously and did not travel at all in 2020 to mid 2021 and then we stayed home most of the first half of 2022 as well and started traveling again in Oct of 2022. So I banked my 250 and because I'm still accruing, I have a lot of hours built up. We do snow activities that are "free" in the winter so we barely travel and we don't start traveling until May of each year and by that time, I've accrued more time. Hope this helps! Lol. This is a throwaway so I'll say goodbye for now! Thank you for the support! I'll come back with an update when I have one! AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received the majority of NTAs Editor's note: OOP has made lots of responses to the original post, I am posting the top common questions asked and responses Relevant Comments Commenter 1: NTA. She started it and escalated it. You just matched her energy. Just because you're child free doesn't mean people with children are more entitled to your vacation days. You did not overreact. OOP: Not that she even asked...but we have plans as well. My MIL passed away earlier this year and I am surprising my husband with a five days tropical getaway for NYE so he isn't so down. Commenter 2: She doesn't need to know that. She should have been an adult and accepted your no. All of your coworkers who think you overreacted are lying. They know full well they would not allow someone to harass and slander them. I don't think you used buzz words, I think you used the correct words and words matter. You did the right thing. If she is fired, it will be because of her own behavior, not because of you. I'm sorry about your MIL, I hope the family is able to celebrate this year and remember her fondly. Unless she wasn't a nice person but I don't get that vibe. Also, if a job doesn't pay out for PTO, then revoking your PTO usage would not sit well with me either. OOP: Thank you for the well wishes.🖤 No one else on my team has ever had an issue. I'm not the kind of asshole who throws around the fact that I've been there 15 years. Idc. But I also do things like work holidays I don't care about or travel for like July 4th, Valentines Day (it's big in my office for some reason lol), Labor Day.... I'm not even an overly huge Christmas person. I just like to recharge and start the new year fresh after a long year of working. And the other three people on our team have never had an issue with it. OOP on if race plays a role in this whole issue OOP: Someone said this to me at work... I'm mixed and my coworker is black and Haley is white and my black coworker (works on a different team) said she felt it was targeted for how fast she escalated stuff. I didn't bring race into it at all, because her lack of professionalism said enough for itself but someone did point that out too. Commenter 3: Tell your coworkers to give up their time off for Haley if they think you're overreacting. I'm 100% sure they will change their tunes. If Haley gets fired, it is because of Haley's actions. Do we blame the cop for arresting the murderer or do we blame the murderer for murdering?? It's crazy to think anything else. OOP: The three people who are on my team have chosen to not comment. The two don't want to give up their time off and the other one is just like me and couldn't give a flying fuck about what I'm doing. It's literally people Haley has been nice and made friends with that approached me about being harsh... Commenter 4: This is on Lisa, for not getting Haley in check when she got out of pocket the first time. I don’t know a double-digit yeared veteran of any company that wouldn’t be pissed at some newbie not even out of their probationary period making demands and running their mouth like that. Responding like you have means you only have to fob off goobers like that newbie once. When they feel that bold that soon in, they only get more and more of a nightmare. Especially if their manager doesn’t shut them down themselves. I would also be pissed at Lisa if I were you, and would wanna know wtf was she thinking. It’s each person’s own responsibility to keep themselves employed. Don’t act a fool if you wanna keep your job. NTA. OOP: My boss is extremely non-confrontational. I've worked with her for 15 years and under her for 8 and I know better than to let her resolve an issue. I could already hear her solution would have been for Haley to tell me what days she needed covered and I could agree to cover X amount to keep everyone happy and I wasn't letting that happen. Haley came at me aggressively to begin with and the first email wasn't addressed by my boss until Haley asked for a meeting so I was already on high alert. Commenter 5: Considering that the spectrum of reactions includes suing for slander (it could be argued she’s harming your working relationships thus your career, thus your income), not overreacting. What couldn’t even remotely be called in to question here, is that you are definitely NTA. I do wonder why your company won’t pay out vacation time (do you just mean time that wasn’t used once times up? Or do you mean you can’t even cash out some vacation time before the end of the year happens? Either way, how naive is this coworker that she thinks she can just get time off in December without scheduling that way in advance? Like, it is currently December!! That’s a thing across all types of jobs lol.. OOP: I asked for this time off in April and I'm literally leaving the 12th for the rest of the year! I've done everything I've needed to do to wrap up the year. A week and a half left and she wanting me to come back the 22-30... OOP explains more about how she plans her vacation ahead of the requesting scheduled time off OOP: This is correct! My husband and I sit down in November and discuss where we would like to go and I submit it in January and wait until it's approved to schedule. My entire team does this. And let's say you want to go to the Maldives but haven't decided when? You narrow it down to two weeks and just send a message in the Zoom chat that you're thinking of one of those and ask if anyone else is going to request it. We do coordinate on time off as a group. There are four of us and my boss and my boss doesn't really "count" so we really do ask of the time is okay ahead of time with the team. + I plan my vacations in advance. I also wait for them to be approved before I pay for the trips so I don't assume anything. I'm not understanding how I was rude. I only felt that I maybe used the word harassment too loosely in the workplace but two emails, a meeting and three conversations with Coworkers about how I'm difficult all in a literal 24 hour span for me felt like and still feels like harassment on the topic. She asked me to switch at 3:30 on Monday afternoon and I submitted my report around 1:30 before my lunch on Tuesday because she had made such a stink about it all. OOP explains about how her team decides on who gets time off in which month OOP: I'm not the only person off. Two other people are off too. I don't take December off because of the holiday. It's what works best for my team. We are in an outdoorsy state and they like to have summer months off for camping, family reunions, trips, whatever. We are busy and we each have a month in the year where we "burn" time to not be over the 250 and my "assigned" month is December. I'm not gatekeeping this slot due to seniority. Vacation is based on first come first serve. So when January hits, if Haley and two others requested before me, they would get it off and I'd work. The fact of the matter is she just hasn't been here that long. I've given up these days before in previous years when people have asked....nicely.   Update: December 5, 2025 (two days later) Now, some things to clear up before the update. Vacation Time: I am not the only person off every December. There are two other people off as well who Haley did not ask to cancel. They are both mothers. There is no seniority involved. It's first come first serve for time off. Lastly, I am not monopolizing the Christmas holiday. In January, we all take one of the slower days and have a 2-3 hour lunch and go over the calendar for the year of proposed vacation time. I live in a very outdoorsy state so my coworkers who are big into outdoor things locally like hiking, camping and backpacking prefer spring and summer time off. I prefer domestic and international travel to local so December is a good time for me to take off and support my team. This was a collective decision and there has never been a time when I've said no to switching days off if I did not have any traveling or plans scheduled. I've always been flexible with my team. Also, at my company, you can use PTO after 30 days during your probationary period. It is strongly suggested you complete your training first and your supervisor has discretion to deny your request at any time. Second, I was cold to Haley because she said to me "Since you don't have kids I figured you could cancel your vacation because.....". I immediately was going to shut her down because for child free people in the work place, it's a dangerous precedent to set that you'll always work when parents have something kid related going on. I replied with "I'm busy, sorry. No. 😕" and turned back around. That was my full statement. I did not give her a reason because frankly, I don't owe her details and she had rubbed me the wrong way from the start. Last, Haley is not a younger girl still wet behind the ears with a toddler. After a conversation with a different coworker about the situation, Haley is 45 and her son is 16. This is not the "toddler in daycare" scene she set it up to be. I didn't know this information when we talked so it doesn't change my actions imo. Again, she started in October and is still training so we don't have a real personal foundation laid out yet. Now for the update! Yesterday morning I came into an email from HR asking to interview me prior to Haleys meeting and my manager got one too. Lisa called me into her office to talk about it. She asked me why I got up and left so fast and I was honest with her. I told her that we both know that child free people sometimes get a stereotyped as child hating monsters and I felt Haley took it too far claiming I said things I didn't when it came to kids. Lisa said that was fair but it wouldn't have killed me to try to talk to her more and maybe hear her out. I've known Lisa for awhile so I was honest and said I wasn't willing to talk anymore after she told a few people I'm difficult it work with. Lisa was taken aback by that information and said Haley told her that she reacted the way she did because I cut her off and said as soon as she mentioned her son. I told Lisa that was wildly untrue and she can ask "Gram" who sits next to me. I listened to the entire thing. She sent a quick chat to Gram and he confirmed that I didn't cut her off and I was nice about saying no. She asked who Haley spoke to and I gave the three names given to me that she spoke with. Lisa said she would attempt to talk to them before the meeting on Friday to get a feel for what was actually said. She told me that Haley wanted to speak to me in a conference room and if I would be willing. I told her yes, because Reddit bullied me into maybe being nice. lol. Haley came into the meeting and got right into asking why I needed all the vacation time I had. Immediately I felt irritated but let it go. I told her I don't want to discuss why om taking off because I don't even tell our boss why I'm gone. I request it, she approves it. For reference, our company is huge in letting employees know you do not have to tell anyone why you're out of the office, not even your boss. She scoffed and said she felt like I didn't care that she wanted to make memories with her son and that I didn't care that she would be missing time with him. I told her I'm sorry she felt that way but I didn't really think about it in any capacity and I felt she has misled me by saying she would need to find childcare as her son is 16 (something a coworker who admitted he doesn't like Haley told me in order to let it be known her child is not a toddler as she let a few people believe). She told me not to speak about her son because he has crippling anxiety and needs care when she isn't home. I didn't speak anymore about it, but I did say I'm sorry to hear that but I'm not sure what else is there to say. At that point, she asked me what days I would be giving her. I looked and her and said "Did you call this meeting to talk to me about what days I'll be working...?" and she said "Yes, what else would I be asking you about?" this set me off but I remained calm because the meeting was being recorded (get to that in a second) so I just said "I'm sorry, I think we missed something here. I was under the impression you wanted to formally apologize, not ask for the switch still. I'm not interested and I think we should end the meeting here.". She was extremely upset and said "So you're not giving me ANY of your days?!?! You don't have anything going on!!!" and I said "I'm sorry, but I'm going to go." and she said "What the fuck ever this is such favoritism bullshit!" I told her "That is fine. I'm going to end the recording here and leave the meeting.". I pushed end on the record and got up to leave. She put her hand on my notebook (brought it out of habit) and said "Recording? There's no cameras in here." and I told her that I recorded it on my phone to stop anymore confusion about what I've actually said since there seems to be a misconception that I've said some pretty terrible things I haven't. She was visibly pissed off at this point and stormed out but doubled back and said "STATE is a consent recording state and you do NOT have my consent to record that meeting!". I told her to check her email and I moved past her back to my.desk. In all our meetings, the notes say: This meeting is being recorded. By accepting the invitation, you are giving consent to being recorded for necessary purposes Well to me, this was necessary. I'm not sure if she is aware of this but I put that note in our meeting when I sent her a time to meet so I could record for my own protection. So come this morning.... Haley is out sick. Lisa got an email from HR to reschedule the meeting for later next week as Haley emailed them saying she has Covid and hopes to be back next week. So folks, the jury is still out and hopefully next week, this is behind us. Editor's note: OOP has made lots of responses to the update post, I am posting the top common questions asked and responses Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Omg this is crazy. Now to wait and see what happens when she does turn up. Still nta OOP: When I say I was utterly pissed to clock in and see an email from HR that since she's sick, it has to be postponed. 🙄 Also, my company has a very generous Covid sick time policy too. She could be gone all next week. 😒. Commenter 1: See if she has to bring a dr note OOP: Per our policy, she has to be out over 31 days before documentation is required...😒 If she drags this into the New Year I swear....lol. Commenter 2: If she does try to take the rest of the year off like she wanted because of “illness,” you wouldn’t have to give up your vacation for her would you? OOP: No. It was approved in April and "Betty", the last coworker to be approved for time off would be asked by my boss but legally, she can't take the vacation away from us. All Lisa can do is ask. Commenter 3: She told me that Haley wanted to speak to me in a conference room and if I would be willing This should have NEVER happened. She and you should have been pulled into HR separately and immediately. NTA OOP: That's why I recorded. I didn't want to come off like I was being combative. I genuinely thought this was a formal "I'm sorry, I overreacted so can we go into the HR meeting and say this is a non-issue and I won't act like that again" kind of meeting. Lisa also gave me no indication that she knew this was what Haley meant and I emailed the recording to Lisa who did tell me privately after work that the recording didn't do Haley any favors whatsoever. Commenter 4: Did you send HR the recording? You shouldn’t let her get away with cussing at you too. OOP: Yes I did. Sent it about ten minutes after finding out how to attach it to an email without cutting the quality. I listened to it back and she just sounds disgusted with me which makes her sound insane because literally nothing has happened between us. Wasn't Lisa supposed to be at the meeting with OOP and Haley? OOP: I thought Lisa was coming and then she just didn't... I thought it was a team thing and I planned on recording regardless but then I recorded it facing Haley so she can't say its a fake audio. My phone has a kickstand on the case and I use it often. I used it to record so she didn't know I got her entire face on the record with everything that was said. + I looked at her calendar, and she was genuinely in a meeting. But I'm not absolving her of a shitty ass thing she did by not attending. I fully believe Haley acted how she acted because she felt she wasn't being watched by anyone who matters. Commenter 5: Why on earth would you tell her it was recorded!!! OOP: In my state, she has a legal right to know. If I didn't tell her, she can sue me and the company for concealing the recording and stating that she did not consent. She consented by accepting my meeting invite, but it would have cost me and the company legal funds to go to court to say that she consented. I let her know in the moment to save all of us court dates and fees honestly. Commenter 6: NTA This is funny, like I am assuming she is mostly harmless so wont go down the extreme crazy psycho route. But just asking to make sure does your home have ring doorbell cams and etc because I would get those just in case. Because well she knows when you are not going to be home (if she gets fired or not). And well she is a proven liar, already and well some people escalate quick. Like I doubt it would be anything too bad. But if she does get fired she might try to egg your house or other ways of petty (or not so petty) revenge. So I would get a neighbor you trust to keep an eye out just in case. OOP: I don't think she will escalate but my husband is a big tech guy and so our house has all the bells and whistles and also, only a few people know where I live. She would have to stalk me to get to me. Commenter 7: I don’t get what Haley wants. Is it nursing or a job where she would have to work Christmas Day or weekends? If no, she will still get plenty of time to be with her son. Is the office / place of work closed on Dec 25-Dec 28 ? That’s a decent chunk of time off. Does she want a whole month off? I don’t get it. OOP: No. That's the kicker here... We are closed the 22nd-26th and we don't work weekends.... I genuinely didn't understand what she wanted either as we are closed those four days and I'm off after next week. Come to find out, she wants the week after it into the new year off but I'm off that week and a few others are off sporadically so she got denied. OOP explains more about the meetings in the calendar OOP: So, meetings are calendar invites. So like every Monday I have the same meeting from 12:30-2. It's a reoccurring meeting so that note is always in there. Haley emailed me asking to talk and I created a new meeting in our calendar system and put that note on my meeting with her. She more than likely has never seen the note because you have to click the actual meeting for it to open up and read the notes of what the meeting it about. No one opens them because the meetings are the same and this started during Covid, so everyone in the company was/is briefed on it so we could record meetings and get work done remotely during the pandemic. And for the record, I have horrible anxiety and this situation isn't something I enjoy. I've genuinely lost sleep over it because I'm a worker bee. I like to do my job, share a laugh or two over a meme in the office chat and go home. I went to the meeting because I'm mixed and Haley is an old white women crying white lady tears and I wanted to appear cooperative. She's already labeled me aggressive and as a black woman, I just wanted to squash that and say "I am approachable and we can talk". I thought the meeting was a formal apology, not another request to use my vacation time. Commenter 8: Is Haley actually doing any work because it seems like her entire work day is just her whining and complaining about you and her absolute need to have Christmas off. I might be tempted to send a sympathy card to her son because I bet she's unbearable at home too. OOP: She's in the training phase so there are a lot of videos and bullshit like that so I can see how she has the time to do all of this. 😂 As a veteran, I don't have that luxury I'm responsible for a lot responsible of stuff.   Editor's note: marking this inconclusive since OOP has deleted her accounts   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

**DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by in ** trigger warnings: infidelity, cyber harrasment, physical assault mood spoilers: it gets worse before it gets better Originally posted by Naive-Trash4833 in r/MarkNarrations My girlfriend wants a baby but I don’t, and we’re 2 weeks away from moving in together - Sept 23, 2025 Me (28F) and my girlfriend (26F) have been together for 3 years and are moving in together. I have a part time job and an online business I’m trying to pick up from the ground while my girlfriend works at a preschool, so you can imagine we’re barely meeting the mark in living costs alone, hence me moving in with her since she has the lower rent. We’ve had talks about our wants in life, what career, dream trips, and family type. I’ve made it clear that I’m child free due to my upbringing of parentification. Basically, I’m already tired and done with the child raising. She agreed as her job was enough when it came to child care. This was a year ago. While I was bringing in the last boxes for the day, I get a text from her that she wanted to talk about something important. I figured it was about the stuff In as bringing in (I had more boxes back at my place) and followed her into her bedroom. She sat me down and told me if I ever thought about marrying her one day, I admit I wasn’t sure yet since we’re barely moving in together and we needed to get to know each other on this level first before making a big commitment like that. (Heard plenty of horror stories of couples getting married before moving in and grew to hate each other.) I still loved her, but I wanted to know everything with each step. She understood and brought up the reason why she was asking this: she wants to have kids after all. I was surprised to hear this, the preschool she works at is closer to my current place so she’d swing by to decompress from it. She would tell me how exhausted and stressed she was from the kids and would even nap for hours before either staying the night or leaving back to her place after dinner. So I was very confused and asked what changed her mind and she tells me whenever she helps the kids with their projects or they gift her with drawings and bracelets, it makes her really happy. She even feels jealous towards these same kids giving their bigger projects to their parents and wanted that too. She would picture us picking our kid from school and it would make her excited for the future. After hearing this, I had to remind her that that’s not possible since I’m child free, and she says, “still? Don’t you feel like we could be doing more with our lives though? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a mini me or a mini you running around?” No offense to parents and guardians here, but the idea of that made me cringe. I dealt with enough of my own siblings growing, and all I remember is being exhausted, stressed, and too young to be taking care of 4 younger kids while I was barely getting out of elementary school. We got into a bit of an argument with her saying I was keeping her away from motherhood, while I told her we made it clear with each other that we wanted to be child free, so springing this on me all of a sudden as I’m moving in feels like a lot. We were going in circles with neither of us budging until she threw in the towel telling me to sleep on the couch. Admittedly, this made me mad and I left the apartment entirely to sleep back at my place. I have 2 weeks left to move out but I was so mad I was considering if I could cancel the move out with my landlord. I know just the thought alone is petty of me, but if having a kid is what she wants and I don’t, then it was becoming obvious we were going to no longer be a good fit for each other. Either outcome, one of us would possibly grow to hate the other. I love her like crazy, I even admit the idea of marrying her did cross my mind many times, but I’m trying to stay reasonable here with what we both want. She wants me and a family with kids, but I just want her and maybe a pet. Right now I’m just sitting here on my mattress on the floor, and we’re gonna need to talk about this. Especially with a third of my stuff now sitting at her place. What can I do about all of this? Edit: I feel I need to clarify this: we’re both mid 20 females, so it’s not possible for me to get her pregnant. Although I do appreciate the concern and warnings about intimacy regardless. Some of OOP's comments: That comment was really something I didn’t expect. I never would’ve expected her to “outgrow” her child free mindset, especially with how exhausted she’d be after work in child care. Even so, the idea of letting her go hurts, but you have a point - Also regarding the jealousy thing, I don’t think it comes from anything malicious, probably just one of the possible things that made her reconsider having kids? Also I just got back from reading some stories from that sub and it’s tragic. I don’t want to turn out like that, much less make a kid feel unwanted - Thank you. The thing is I believed she was being fully transparent since we made it clear to each other from that life conversation that we both wanted to remain child free. This is the first time she’s brought up this subject, not even a thought or one handed comment from what I can remember. Also thanks for the advice on the intimacy part, but we’re both female Update: My girlfriend wants a baby but I don’t, and we’re 2 weeks away from moving in together - Sept 24, 2025 (the next day) Update from my last post, see here: https://www.reddit.com/r/MarkNarrations/s/zfNX7HyprD Okay, I really don’t know where to start from this. I want to thank those who commented on my last post and all the advice they have given me, and I feel I should also clarify some stuff: My girlfriend and I are both Cis women, so I can’t get her pregnant. Meaning hypothetically if we did have kids, it would have to be through a sperm donor or adoption. As ideal as it would be to move back with my parents during this time, they’re unfortunately the type who believe my life is not fulfilled being child free. We even had a fight over this with them begging for grandchildren since I’m the oldest, not taking into account the parentifying they put me through being the biggest reason I don’t want kids. They even said me “helping” with my siblings could count as training to be a parent. Honestly that just made me more upset. I know people change their minds and are sometimes happier for it, but others that did so are more miserable for it and I know I’ll be the second type. Don’t get me wrong, I love my siblings and would do anything for them, but it doesn’t take away that I spent what should have been my own childhood building up theirs. I’ve done my share of parenting already, too much of it and I refuse to go back. As for my girlfriend (now ex) building up a fantasy of parenthood, that seems to be the case, but there was another that I really hoped wasn’t true. So, next morning I get a text from her, asking if I can come back and we have a talk about our fight. I was hoping with the cooldown time we’d be more civil with the discussion, but just in case I called my brothers (24M and 21M) and asked them for help and be on standby. Despite the rough life I had to endure, at least my siblings recognized it was me raising them and our parents taking most of the credit, so they’re always at the ready to help me when I needed it. I rarely asked for any, so my brothers were quick to show up when I felt really desperate. I feel like I should give place holder names here so my brothers will be “Tom(24) and Jerry (21)” and girlfriend “Sarah.” So Tom and Jerry come over and I tell them I have to have a serious talk with Sarah, and if things go south, I’ll need them with the moving van close by to get my stuff back. I left an email toy landlord about the moving situation hoping I can cancel the moving date, but if it doesn’t work out then Tom agreed to help me get a storage lot for my stuff and have me stay at his place until I can get a new place, so a backup plan is covered. I went to Sarah’s and she was puffy eyed and red, hugging and apologizing to me for getting upset with me and we started talking. To the commenters who threw in the idea that she may already be pregnant and cheated, I hate how right you were. She found out A WEEK AGO and was telling me how scared she was to be carrying a child and not knowing what to do, but the thought of being parent brought her so much joy and she wanted to share that joy with me. She started hamming up a fantasy about us being a great team with both our experiences and I just started blanking out. Like I can see her excitedly talking and all I can hear is, “She cheated, she cheated, she cheated” After what felt like I swallowed gallons of sea water, she stopped talking, held my hand and proposed. I just about had enough. Here was the woman I love, kneeling before me in a teary eyed smile, and I’m trying not to scream and throw up over this, THIS being the thing people were right about. I asked her “so, you cheated on me, got pregnant, and you’re expecting me to just marry you and love happily ever after with this?!” Guys, the look she gave me, actually shocked by what I said made me want to leave but I needed answers. When did she cheat? How and with who?! How long does it even take for a pregnancy to happen between then and now? Sarah wouldn’t answer the question, she just kept accusing me of accusing her of being unfaithful and sl@tshaming her for her actions. She said she did it for us and the pregnancy was a beautiful thing she was willing to carry out for us, as if she did us a FAVOR. She even had the nerve to say that if I really loved her, I’d stay and raise OUR child together. I couldn’t take it anymore and just went into the bathroom and locked myself in there, texted my brothers to come up and finally threw up in there while Sarah kept jiggling the doorknob. Eventually, I get the text Tom and Jerry are at the door and I finally leave to open it with Sarah now tugging on my sweater, begging and crying to hear her out. It didn’t get any better when Tom and Jerry came in and began grabbing my boxes. She tried throwing books at them so I tried to restrain her without hurting her. The boys didn’t budge or stray, they were passing the boxes all outside the hall while Sarah continued to scream and scratch at my arms under my sleeves. Eventually she got a really bad scratch in the made me let go and she ran into the bathroom and kept screaming and crying in there. Jerry warned me that she’s only doing that to keep me from leaving and hoping I go in to comfort her, and to just keep gathering my boxes so he and Tom can keep getting them out. Neighbors were coming out to see the commotion, and I had to keep getting in between my brothers and them and explain what was going on, and all I had on my mind was hoping none of them would call the police. Thankfully, either the neighbors took our word, or this was the one time the police took their time showing up, because we got my stuff back into the truck in about half an hour. I really hoped some of you weren’t right. That she didn’t cheat, that I wasn’t going to be baby trapped, or she’d even THINK she could accomplish that with me having nothing to do with it biologically. Like WTAF is my life right now?! Here I thought I was safe from that kind of situation, but yolk on my face I guess. I just don’t know anymore guys, thank you for the warnings and the theories, despite them all keeping me from sleeping, they kept me on edge for all the right reasons, and being an overthinker, I’m glad I was prepared for this outcome, I’m glad Tom and Jerry were there at the ready because who knows what could’ve happened if I did this alone? Even Jerry brought that up knowing how hesitant I was asking for help, great moment for an “I told you so” mate, but I know they both mean well. Especially Tom bringing his dog over for emergency cuddles while we wait for my landlord to get back to me, until then, Jerry says he can stay over for a couple days until we know what we’re gonna do next. So I guess the packing is in between a hault and still ongoing until my outcome is decided by my landlord. Again, thanks so much you guys, I’ll be sure to update once we know what the next course of action is, but for now I just want to lay down and cry with this giant, lovable ball of fur takes up half the mattress. Some of OOP's comments: To think I’ll have to take these measures. I take back everything I said about it not being possible for me to get baby trapped, I’ll be sure to do this before taking a break from my phone. - Thank you. Jerry took my phone away earlier so I could decompress from the stress and he had me unlock it so he could screenshot everything. He took pictures of the scratches on my arms too and the stretch hole that’s my sweater from her pulling me. I get it’s my own arms but fuck, the pictures make the stinging come back - Jerry got a head start getting the screenshots of her spam messaging when I gave my phone to him. He didn’t want the constant dinging to stress me out but didn’t want to chance her deleting anything either - I’ve been told by all the siblings that I lecture like a teacher when stressed, it’s like when something bad or inconvenient happens, I mentally bullet point it to try and make sense of what’s happening. Looking back, I think I almost found the insanity kinda funny, but not in a “haha” way, but “Oh my God, Reddit was right, what the fuck is this telenovela shit right now?!” kinda way. Update 2: My girlfriend wants to have a baby but I don’t, and we’re 2 weeks away from moving in together - Oct 3, 2025 (nine days after the last update) Original post, see here: https://www.reddit.com/r/MarkNarrations/s/zfNX7HyprD First update: https://www.reddit.com/r/MarkNarrations/s/qHVNGowLMR To those who want just a catchup: my now ex and I were supposed to move in together, she brought up in the middle of me moving in that she wants kids after all despite us both making it clear we were child free. It looked like we were on the path of breaking up so I went back to my old apartment, she asked to talk and admitted she was already pregnant and expected me to be happy about it. I obviously wasn’t, it was a messy situation to get out of there with my brothers helping me move my stuff back and she’s not taking the consequences well. I was really hoping this would be my last update, but with the telenovela nonsense that is my life right now, more kept happening every time I felt ready to update you all. So for starters, my landlord got back to me and canceled the move out so I can remain in my current apartment. Jerry has been really attentive and honestly sometimes it did feel a little weird while he stayed over this whole time. For one thing, he piles a bunch of my plushies on me when I’d fall asleep, (You really don’t realize how much you have until it’s piled all over you.) I would cry a lot just laying there on mattress with no energy to build the bed frame back, and many times he came by to just hold me while I sobbed. I mean, here’s the same kid I had to hold while he cried over his first breakup, and here he is having the nerve to grow 2 feet taller than me turning the tables. He really is just the sweetest. I feel bad for depending on him so much, even getting nervous whenever we had to go to work in case Sarah attempted to show up, so everyday I came back to the apartment felt like I could breath easily again. Tom wasn’t a fan of how shut in we were being like caged animals, constantly cursing Sarah under his breath whenever he had the chance to visit. During all of this, they kept a watchful eye on her socials. She blocked them both but not an account Jerry had for just digital art, and if there’s one thing he stood by the most since being in grade school, it’s to never throw the first punch. So there he was monitoring any steps she was gonna take with evidence in hand if she was gonna spin a different tale. But before that could happen, you guys were once again right about what she’d try next, because yeah, she went to our parents about the situation. They both called me and I brought Tom and Jerry in tow only to find Sarah crying “tears of joy” as she went to try and hug me while our parents were excited for us. WTAF! She told them we were ENGAGED and she had the gall to show up with a ring and everything! (The damn thing was from her side of the family she never took outside of its box!) Tom and Jerry had to block her away from me and it was unsettling watching her act like everything was normal, holding her belly and acting like the innocent expecting fiancé. Tom pushed me into the kitchen as Jerry took out his phone. I was kept in there trying not to have an anxiety attack while I could hear Jerry yelling over Sarah as he showed our parents all the evidence he collected. Dad came into the kitchen and pulled my sleeves up, looking like he was gonna throw up seeing the scratches, marched back to the living and now he was shouting at Sarah. This part happened so fast, She came into the kitchen with our parents and Jerry chasing after her and Tom swinging me into the corner of the kitchen, shouting “STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER!” keeping himself between me and Sarah, holding onto me like a scared child. (Again, oh how the tables have turned) My mom came in like a bat out of Hell, grabbing Sarah by the hair to drag her out with Dad and Jerry keep Sarah from falling. Sarah kept screaming for me to help her until I heard the door slam. Sarah banged and screamed at the door for a good while before he heard her car speeding off the driveway. After she was gone, our mother tried to scold me for getting involved with her but Jerry and Dad already had enough and yelled at her to shut up, so she just left for her room pouting like a child. I swear, even in a situation like this, none of us wanted to deal with narcissism next, so the three of us took her self time out as a chance to leave. Even after all of that happening, Jerry still held onto the evidence and kept waiting. Sure enough, Sarah made the post he was waiting for, spinning a tale of me running away from an agreed pregnancy and leaving her alone as a single mother, even going so far as to bash my brothers for “ganging up on her” and threatening to harm her. On cue, Jerry posted the screenshots of her spam messages admitting to the cheating and basically trying to baby trap me, pictures of my injuries and ruined sweater, and even got the doorbell cam from our parents house of her showing up days after and getting kicked out and screaming at the door with what actually happened in paragraphs. Then he went back to her post and spammed the comment section replies with the pictures and links to the post. Even some of the people in the comments were already questioning her story since a lot of them knew she and I were child free, but for those ready to take her side were quickly given a reality check. He even edited his post to provide the link to her post and went right back to screenshooting everything before she had the chance to delete her post. Honestly scares me how on point and at the ready Jerry was with this, even going so far as already trying to find clues on the baby daddy and the night she likely cheated. Anybody need a “Guy in the Chair?” So yeah, everything’s been hell for the past few weeks, but Jerry’s being a total media sleuth in between helping me unpack along with Tom. Tom’s been talking to a lawyer friend of his in case we gotta go the legal route, (Jerry’s now getting office supplies and organizing a folder like his next scrapbook project) but until we decide to do that, we’re keeping an eye out, especially our mother. She and dad may not have been reliable growing up, but if it’s physical defense or getting the gossip train going, she’s our best bet to see if she further sink Sarah’s ship to keep her from doing any more harm. Thanks again to everyone who’s been keeping up with me on this, and I’m sorry to those of you who’ve been asking for updates or just didn’t get a reply, I’ve been feeling mentally drained from all of this and really, if it wasn’t for my brothers taking the wheel here, I probably would’ve buckled to it all. I thought I knew better on what to do, but I really do suck at taking my own advice when it comes to crazy. Some of OOP's comments: My mistake on putting a couple weeks, I thought it was already at least two weeks and I’m seeing my last update was 9 days ago. Time really feels like forever during this shit. - Thank you, and don’t worry. For what it’s worth, the whole thing has led me to be too tired to actually commit to any changes like that. I’ve already been pretty slow with the unpacking but at least that’s done - Don’t worry I haven’t [asked my mother to do anything]. It’s more of she puts herself in the middle of the rumor circle whether you want her to or not. At best, we’re kinda taking advantage of that flaw of hers knowing what happened will spread quickly to people. Feels shitty to let her bad habits continue like that, but thankfully she’s just that predictable Update 3: My girlfriend wants to have a baby but I don't, and we're 2 weeks away from moving in together - Nov 3, 2025 (one month after the last update) Hello again, I’m sorry for not checking in here for so long but thank you all nonetheless for the kind messages you sent me. I’m really sorry for not responding to any of it, ever since my last update I’ve been in a dark place for the most part. it feels weird, I’m still doing my job and household work relatively okay, but it feels like I’m looking through a clouded window while my body does the work. I knew it was getting really bad when Jerry stood in front of me and I had to process he was still here and I just felt so terrible he had to see me this way. I could see him talking but he sounded so muddled until I fully came back to register him. We had a talk, and he suggested that he could move in if it’ll make me more comfortable knowing he’s not temporary. I felt bad thinking he was gonna be stuck taking care of me through this but he says he doesn’t mind and he just wants to make sure I’m okay. Either way, I’m gonna try extra hard to mentally be present and get some therapy, because clearly how I’m processing everything isn’t going so great. So, on what happened with Sarah: As I’ve mentioned somewhere in the comments of my last post, her parents got involved when I received a call from her mother. I was still in my dark place so I just left it ringing until she sent a text instead wanting to meet up to discuss the situation. Originally I didn’t want to, but Tom made it a point that I’ll need to shut things down on that end too to keep them from potentially bothering me in Sarah’s stead, especially if they buy her story. Jerry hasn’t had much luck finding the father, not a lot of Sarah’s friends are much help despite being there the night she cheated, he figured out that part by one of them admitting she was flirting with some guy that none of them knew, and she claimed to have gotten an uber ride home earlier than them. They sent him screenshots of texts with her confirming she got home safe, but not much else to figure out who the guy was. So it’s a bit of a dead end and I told him to just give up since it’s out of our hands now. As for the actual meeting with her parents, that got really ugly. I know during these situations it’s best to meet in a public place, but with how the last interactions went, I was afraid if we met at a park or restaurant, all it takes is one phone camera and an outburst, and we’d be all over social media. Tom found a restaurant with one of those closed off rooms for dining parties, so we settled for that to meet with her parents to clear the air. They originally were trying to get me to come alone but I argued I wouldn’t come at all if I didn’t have Tom and Jerry with me. So at the restaurant, it was really awkward with all of us ordering, I felt especially bad for the waiter, poor guy probably sensed what was happening as soon as he walked in. Oh my God guys, it was so bad. Sarah told her side, I told mine, Jerry took out his folder of print outs (At this point, kid should’ve been a lawyer) and Tom tried to keep everyone from getting too loud. Eventually her mother was going on and on about the sanctity of marriage and how we need to be a team (for the love of GOD we weren’t even actually engaged!) and how I need to be a good partner and be there for my future wife and child. At this point, Jerry would’ve been thrown out of the the courtroom if he did become a lawyer, so please excuse the language here, but this is what he yelled: “OH MY GOD, SHE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A D$CK, ITS NOT HER BABY!” I swear, you could hear whoever could’ve been eavesdropping on the whole thing hiss in their teeth with how quiet it got. Her parents were in shock, I was horrified, and Tom, I don’t know? Also horrified but in agreement? And Jerry just kept going, how the ring Sarah was wearing wasn’t even from me, how I didn’t have one, being childfree, and yeah, the whole not being a “reproductive” candidate in this equation. After that was all off his chest, Jerry gathered his folder and stood behind Tom as if he was putting himself in a timeout, or was exhausted, I don’t know? Probably both. Neither I, Sarah, or her parents knew what else to add from there. Sarah kept trying to grab either of their hands to get them to look at her but they just wouldn’t. Eventually, they apologized and got up to leave. Sarah then started to argue again but they were both quick to tell her to shut up and go get in the car with them or she was completely on her own. Sarah looked at me with those sad eyes I always fell apart for and left with her head down and parents following. That was 2 weeks ago, and now she’s back home with them in another city. Even with the distance, Jerry and I got the okay for a doorbell camera and had it set up already. I’m still waiting for an opening for a therapist, but in the meantime I’m still trying to get out of my funk and focusing on moving Jerry in. The landlord was okay with it considering the situation. I honestly feel so bad with doubting him on having my back on all of this, but he’s been pretty lenient with me and I really appreciate him for that, he even had my locks changed with no extra charge and gave us those screw on window locks. Jerry’s settling in with his stuff and Tom got a weekend off from his job to help move things and stay over on the now acquired new bean bag chair from Jerry’s old apartment. One time in the morning, I checked with him to see if he really was okay with this, and he was more than happy. He says where he was living wasn’t so great and this way it feels like he’s home again. My siblings really got a knack for making me cry over cereal, but it felt nice that they were kinda happy tears for a change. Sarah hasn’t tried to contact me ever since she left, but some old friends have. Those of them who took her side despite all the evidence are no longer my friends and have been blocked after collecting those screenshots, while the ones who saw the situation for what it was remained supportive of me and cut the ones buying Sarah’s crazy off for good. It still feels weird calling her that: crazy. She was someone I loved and was so excited to see if we can live together well enough to keep moving forward in our relationship, and now I don’t even recognize her anymore. I don’t know if she’ll keep working in schools, all I know is of course she left the school she worked at and that her parents are trying to find the father. But despite everything she put me through, I really hope she gets the help she needs. I don’t like that she was selfish, cheated, and tried to babytrap me, I see that. But before all of it I still loved her, and whatever she decides with this pregnancy, I hope she gets that help before moving on to her next step. Thank you all for being here for me during this, I suspect this’ll be my last update, but if anything else happens, I’ll let you all know. Jerry keeps the folder in a locked drawer with only us and Tom having a key to it, and he still checks on things online from time to time if he needs to update anything, so I hope with this being potentially over means he can be on the screens less. I fear he may be hurting his eyes more than he should. Please be safe, and take care of yourselves everyone. Some of OOP's final comments: I wonder that too. For the most part I along with my brothers were more focused on getting f myself out of this situation and keeping her from manipulating me to go along with whatever it was she was planning. For now I just wanna to remain NC with her, maybe someday there’ll be an answer, but for now I just don’t want it. I’m thankful to Tom and Jerry being such a great duo having my back on everything, - Thank you. For now I’m just hoping to focus on work and moving Jerry in while we wait for a therapy opening for me. I still find myself under these bad spells, but at least waiting for the therapy opening feels like an odd goal post, and having Jerry home shakes me out of it enough to come back mentally for a bit. He recently brought in some boxes full of books he would like to keep in the common room, so it’s been keeping me busy playing Tetris with the shelf I have in there - I will thank you, for what it’s worth until I get an opening for a therapy session, I’ve been keeping myself occupied with busy work like trying to organize some of Jerry’s stuff in the common room or putting up things on his walls. That was an especially odd way he got me to come out of one of my bad spells since he asked if I wanted to decorate his wall with his hanging stuff because I was staring at it for so long. Kept me busy and relaxed working on that and it helped me actively talk to him on the progress Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. submitted by /u/Significant_Bed_293 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Lost_Papaya9278 in r/AmItheAsshole and on her user account trigger warnings: infidelity, cancer, depression mood spoilers: positive First BORU post is here - posted by u/tequilitas on 7th October 2021 Second BORU post is here posted by u/Apprehensive-Net2687 on 15th October 2022 ​ AITA for not accepting my sister's relationship with my ex despite her having cancer as a teenager? - September 28, 2021 My (25F) father married my step-sister's (23F) mother when I was 4 and she was 3. We've lived together most of our lives and are a family. She and I were extremely close. She developed cancer when she was 14 and was sick for about 2 years. She's since made a full recovery. During that time, my parents became understandably over-protective. They also asked a lot of me. I quit my extracurriculars so I could get a job (the money went towards her medical bills) and so I could drive her to appointments. I didn't go to dances and any fun activities I did needed to include her. I did almost all of this willingly, the exception being having to quit my high school volleyball team - I did throw a bit of a tantrum about that, but was swiftly punished. And I think having one emotional breakdown was pretty chill given the circumstances. Anyhow, I go to college and meet my ex, we'll call him Ben, when I'm a junior. We fall in love, blah blah blah. He and I move in together when we graduate, so we've been living together for about 3 years. We were serious until July when I walked into my bedroom and saw him fucking my sister. I broke it off, tears were shed, he moved out, etc. My sister apologized at first but then backed off. I thought she was giving me space but last week she called and asked if we could meet up. She told me that she and Ben were in love and were just telling me as a courtesy before they started posting photos online. Distraught, I left her in the restaurant by herself and did not pay my portion of the bill. She later venmo'ed me asking for the money. She told my parents who then called me to their house, telling me how disappointed in me they are for not supporting my sister's relationship with Ben. They brought up the fact that because she had cancer as a teenager, she never learned proper social etiquette, and has a hard time meeting people. I don't buy this, in part because I've seen her socialize just fine and since we spent a good chunk of the time she was sick together, that would also mean that I should have bad social skills as well, by that logic. They then told me that if I don't accept my sister and Ben's relationship, they may have to go no contact with me. I reminded them that I'm also their daughter and they should understand my point of view, but they are adamant that this is about me being jealous of her. For the record: I'm not jealous of her. I'm not upset that Ben picked her over me. I'm sad about the end of the relationship and do feel betrayed, but lord knows that I don't want to be with a cheater. What I'm upset about is the fact that my sister chose Ben over me. That she slept with Ben knowing he and I were in a long-term, committed relationship, and continues to be with him knowing how much it hurts me. Now no one in my immediate family is talking to me and I'm getting messages from aunts and uncles and cousins telling me that I'm an asshole and a selfish bitch. ​ Edit: Thank you everyone so much for your comments. This has gotten more attention than I expected and am having trouble keeping up, so if I don't say thank you, then thank you. I've been given a lot of food for thought. TBH, while I've had moments where I've been resentful or upset about my teenage years, I've always thought that I did the right thing for my sister and for my family. And that time wasn't all miserable; I was very close to my sister and we made things as fun as we could. But I didn't think of it as an abdication of my parent's responsibilities or that they were doing wrong by me, which many of you pointed out. I definitely have a lot to think about. Thank you again for making me feel less crazy about all of this! ​ UPDATE: Sometimes you can only laugh. Just got off of the phone with my cousin who saw this post and said he could explain a few things. I asked him why he was on Reddit instead of school, he asked me why I was on Reddit instead of work, and I said touché. He told me that after my conversation with my mom, she went to his house and talked to my aunt. And here's the deal: Turns out my sister is not only in a relationship with Ben but FOUR MONTHS PREGNANT. Which means she and Ben were fucking for longer than I had even guessed. Apparently my parents are so adamant that I forgive her because I'm already ruining their experience of their first grandchild. That's right, I'm less important than my stepmom posting ultrasounds to Facebook. This is where we're at. Anyhow, I called out of work sick the rest of the day and am going to drink a lot of alcohol. Like, a lot of alcohol. And then start thinking about what the fuck I'm going to do. ​ UPDATE: AITA for not accepting my sister's relationship with my ex despite her having cancer as a teenager? - October 6, 2021 I was asked for an update and thus, here I am. Two things to clarify before I update: I didn’t have a shitty childhood. The favoritism started when my sister was diagnosed. I moved out soon after and have been pretty independent since then. Not saying that how my parents treated me during those years were a-ok, but I wasn’t Cinderella. I did not drink myself into oblivion. I had two white wine spritzers. But I appreciate the concern from folks! Anyhow, the update: I got in touch with my sister and asked her to meet up again at a park (no bill involved). I asked her if she was pregnant and she told me the truth. She said she wanted us to still be in each other’s lives and that she wanted me to be in her baby’s. A redditor (and I forget who, I’m sorry) mentioned that she may ask me to be the godmother and that person was correct. But as many of you pointed out — if I didn’t cut her off, I’d just become her bank and daycare employee. So I told her I could no longer be in her life. And I left her crying on a park bench and felt like the shittiest person in the world. I emailed my parents and told them how betrayed I felt and that I’d be cutting off contact with them. To my stepmom’s credit, she apologized. She explained that she never thought my sister would live to have kids and that she let her emotion over that get the better of her. Understandable. My dad said nothing, which is honestly what sucked the worst about all of this. Ben tried messaging me from a burner account for the first time since the break-up but I blocked him without reading it. I didn’t go nuclear and post the story to Facebook as some suggested but I sent an email to the extended family members who I care about. I explained the situation and how I’d be distancing myself from my family. Some have made it an us-versus-them situation and as much as I appreciate the support, feeling like I’m in some valiant battle just makes me more tired. So I haven’t been talking to much of anyone in my family. I feel lonely and crappy, but I think I made the right decision. Anyhow, not the most exciting update in the world but hopefully everyone knows that I’m not dead. I do really appreciate the support I’ve gotten — it made me smile during a really shitty time. And hey, if anyone in the greater Boston area wants an extra guest at Thanksgiving, lemme know. TL;DR: Ended up cutting off my family. ​ People wanted an update? - November 24, 2021 Hi! Some people were interested in an update, so… I am spending Thanksgiving with a friend and her family. So I won’t be alone! Thanks to everyone who offered to host me, it was so sweet! I’m still not in touch with my family but I know that Ben and my sister are having problems. I know this because he showed up at my place and cried for three hours. I’m going to go to New Mexico in April! Planning is underway. Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate! ​ I think my [26F] old ex [26M] sabotaged my relationship with my new ex [27M] - January 1, 2022 To make a long story short, my [26F] break-up last summer with EX1 [26M] was volcanic. He's now expecting a baby with my step-sister within the next six weeks or so. Since I found out about the pregnancy, he's tried to get in touch with me six times through email/text/burner accounts, has tried to get mutual friends to talk to me for him, and showed up to my place once. The latter was the only time I humored him. He told me he was sorry, he loves me, he doesn't want to be with my stepsister and wants to get back together with me. I told him tough titties. He made his bed and now he's got to lay in it with her. I haven't dated much since July because of my life's implosion, but in November a friend from college messaged me out of the blue. We hadn't talked in a long time. He [27M, referred to as EX2 for the rest of the post] and EX1 were good friends but had a falling out over something fantasy football-related the year after we graduated and I stopped talking to him out of solidarity, or whatever. Anyhow, we go on a date. We click. We go on a few more dates. We become exclusive in early December. I was feeling really hopeful about this until this morning. I was supposed to meet EX2 at a new year's party last night. He got there before I left the house and texted me saying that EX1 was at the party and asked whether I still wanted to come. I declined and went to another friend's house and have a pretty good time. I tried calling EX2 at midnight but he didn't pick up, I didn't think much about it. Anyhow, I go to bed late and when I wake up this morning, I have a message from EX2 saying we're done. I couldn't even respond because he'd blocked me everywhere. I talked to a friend who was at the party the EXes were at last night and he said the two of them had spent a good chunk of time chatting with each other but he didn't know what they were talking about. I'm not close with anyone else who was at the party so I don't really have anyone else to ask. Like okay, it was a two-month-old relationship. I'm sad but I'm not bereft. But the paranoid part of my mind is really concerned that EX1 said something that resulted in EX2 becoming EX2. EX2 has made it abundantly apparent that he doesn't want to talk to me again and I don't want to push that boundary. But I'm so confused. I could contact EX1 but I get the feeling that will open a floodgate of drama. I could also try talking to other mutual friends to see if they've heard anything but I also don't really want to spread this as a rumor if it wasn't true. I don't know. I'm at a loss. Any advice here? I'm spiraling thinking that my ex is going to try to ruin every relationship I have for the rest of my life. TL;DR: After a conversation with an old ex boyfriend, my new ex boyfriend broke up with me. I'm afraid that the old ex boyfriend said something to him and I'm worried he'll do it again in the future. ​ I'm beginning to think that there's something wrong with me- January 16, 2022 My last two partners have cheated on me. The first was a very serious relationship. We lived together, we talked about marriage and buying a house. He even took two pictures of us as kids and photoshopped them together to show what our kids might look like one day (the result was terrifying but hilarious and I had it as the background of my phone for a month). I walked in on him sleeping with my step-sister. Now she's pregnant, due in the near-future, and he's with her. I know he's not happy. I know he regrets what he did. I know that he loved me. And none of that stopped him from fucking my step-sister in our bed. I've spent so long now being upset at her and writing him off as just a bad decision that I wasted time on but now I find myself mourning what we had. My step-sister and I grew up together and have loved each other most of our lives so it felt like that was the betrayal. But he and I chose each other. Out of all the people on the earth, we looked each other in the eyes, committed to each other, and made the promise to stay faithful. And he lied. And he lied and he lied and he lied. And he let me go on loving him while he lied. And then a few months ago another guy comes into my life and for the first time in ages I felt hopeful. I thought to myself that maybe I could actually move on and live my life. I wasn't in love with him but he was the kind of man I thought I could fall in love with. We were exclusive for about a month. Before we made the decision to be exclusive, I told him everything that had happened with my first ex and told him that I could never be with another cheater. I wake up on New Year's Day to a text saying we're done. When I tried getting in touch, I found out he'd blocked me everywhere. Turns out, he met someone at a New Year's party, and hooked up with her. Instead of telling me, he just blocked me everywhere and sent a lackey to message me a few weeks later with the real story and a half-assed apology. I want to be angry and maybe a part of me is. But as I'm sitting here, I'm just thinking... What if it's me? What if I'm just not loveable? What if it's never going to happen for me? The thing is, I've been a pretty confident person. I went through bullshit as a kid but I got through it and grew stronger. I'm pretty good-looking (though I've admittedly put on a little weight in the past couple weeks), I've been told that I'm fun, I hold down a good job and make decent money. I also live my life according to my values. I've always put my family and partner first because that's just how I believed it should be done. And I thought that I would be prioritized in turn. I've lost most of my family because they'd rather have my step-sister's baby in their life than me. My friends have been fair weather, for the most part, and I know that I'm a laughingstock in my friend group, as much as they pretend to pity me to my face. I feel the little spark I've always had fading. I don't chime in on conversations anymore. I've stopped putting on cute clothes when I go out. I don't plan anything so I don't have anything to be disappointed about. Soon I'll be the same age as my mom was when she died. I never knew her but I've always loved her, thinking of her watching over me. I don't remember the funeral but it was one of those funerals where there wasn't a dry eye in the house. She lit up a room, people tell me, she was a good woman. In my worst moments, I wonder what it would be like if I died right now. Would anyone cry? Would anyone care? Would anyone even come? Anyhow, sorry for writing a novella. Just... not sure what to do anymore and who to talk to. If you read all this, thank you. Update(ish) - May 30, 2022 Hello folks. I thought that things on the Internet died after a couple days so color me surprised when I still get requests for updates on the regular. Long story short, I don't have much to update. I didn't end up going to New Mexico because I, conveniently, got Covid the week before I was supposed to go. The baby was had but I have had no contact with the baby or their parents. I've done a pretty good job of insulating myself from news about them/the rest of my family. My life is pretty much the same as it was. So, sorry to the folks who are hoping I have some kind of happy ending to slap onto all of this. Things are improving just because time barrels on and you can grow numb to most anything given enough time and distance. But I have had no grand revelations, have not met the love of my life, nor had elaborate revenge on those who have wronged me. I am going to Europe for the first time in October, though! So that's exciting. I will say this: While I appreciate the solidarity and sometimes colorful language used to describe my sister and Ben in my DMs, I wholeheartedly ask everyone reading this not to waste their energy on hating them. They're now parents to a newborn and regardless of the things they've done in the past, I hope that they can come together as a happy family and raise their child in a loving, healthy home. Hating them doesn't do anything for anyone, including ourselves, in the long run. Anyhow, that's the non-update update. I promise that if I meet the love of my life at the top of the Eiffel Tower (or more likely, stuffing my face with waffles in Bruges), I will post another update. Until then, you can assume that I am living, trying my best, and am very appreciative of all of the people out there in the world who have read this saga and reached out with support (even if I have not had the energy to respond to everyone)! Update in comments - October 16, 2022 Hi! Just wanted to give a more recent, less depressing update: I am currently in my hotel room in Paris, eating a creme brûlée in bed, reading a romance novel, and about to go to sleep early. All is well. ​ ​ Howdy, it’s been a while - 9th September 2023 Hello! So, it’s been a minute but I still get messages from folks asking how I’ve been and I’m up too early and a little bored so I thought I’d give you the answer: I’m good! Made a lot of really positive changes in my life and I am in a much better place (physically and mentally) than I was last year. To answer some specific questions: No, I’m not in contact with my family. The last straw was in spring 2022. My dad emailed me to ask if we could get lunch and talk. Me, having always harbored the secret and foolish hope that we’d reconcile and go back to normal, agreed. I arrived at the restaurant and waited two hours. When my server gave me a free dessert on the house with a pitying look, I called it and went home. Later I got an email from my stepmom, which I’m sure was full of excuses, but I didn’t read it. But, the really positive outcome of that was that made me realize that I needed to move far away and not come back. Which I did! I’d always been really scared to move away from my family but since I don’t have one anymore, I ended up somewhat spontaneously moving halfway across the country. The spontaneous move was stressful and expensive, but I can now say that moving was one of the best decisions of my life! I ended up reconnecting with an old friend and falling in with her friend group, who are the loveliest people. I’ve never felt safer or more supported and I feel so lucky to have them in my life. And it’s less humid here! That’s a big win. One of our friends is a counselor who helped me find a therapist that I really click with. And it took a few tries and a therapist who didn’t immediately want to do CBT with me, which just isn’t my thing, but I found someone I really connect with. I’m now doing IFS therapy and it has really changed my relationship with myself and helped me realize all of the hurt and pain I’ve been holding onto and start to heal. So… y’all were right and I needed to go to therapy. Give yourselves a pat on the back for that one. I also got diagnosed with depression and am taking medicine for that. It was a bit hard to stomach as someone who always saw her value as being the Happy Person Who Takes Care Of Everyone All The Time but it turns out that sometimes when your needs aren’t met as a kid, you end up becoming the Happy Person Who Takes Care Of Everyone All The Time because you’re afraid that if you show the slightest bit of unhappiness, you won’t be loved anymore, and that’s fucked up. ​ I also met a guy. And I know you’re all saying, “Papaya no! Your decision making around men cannot be trusted!” but I assure you that he’s different. Instead of rolling his eyes when I’m feeling off, he’ll either just quietly lay on the couch with me or go for a walk, or he’ll say really dirty things to me in his spot-on Kermit the Frog voice until I’m laughing so hard I can’t focus on anything else. And bonus! He’s far too busy painting D&D minis to find the time to cheat on me, so I’m not even worried about that. I did have to invest in a somewhat elaborate Renaissance Faire costume, which is not something I had imagined for myself, but I’m having a great time. I’m gonna marry this dude someday. ​ As for Ben and my sister, as far as I know they’re still together. Every so often she tries to get in touch with some manner of burner account, but I ignore all of it. I’m still bummed that I’m not going to be a part of my nibling’s life and I do, honestly, still really miss my family, but I know this is right for me. Sorry I don’t have any salacious info on them, since I know you’re all really here to hear about their karmic downfall or whatever. ​ But on my end, things are good. Better than they were before I found out I was being cheated on. My current life is built on real contentment, not fear disguised as shallow happiness. It’s not perfect and I have a lot of problems that I’m working through, but I’m proud of myself and I think my mom would be, too. So that’s the update! I think it’s going to be my last one. (At least on this account.) Thanks Reddit for supporting me and making me smile through some of the worst, weirdest points in my life. May you, too, be blessed with internet strangers who cheer you on and offer to sabotage the lives of the people who do you wrong. Comments ​ I think it’s going to be my last one. (At least on this account.) Girl no, uh uh. We need more juice. I hope you will keep posting about your life when you get married or have kids. I am so happy for you. Few days ago while scrolling though reddit I randomly remembered your post and was thinking what's going on. I am sorry your deadbeat dad failed you. But don't worry he will have his wakeup call someday. I hope those shitty family of yours is blocked. As for Ben and your step-sis, I have a tinge of feeling that the reason she is trying to contact with you is because she messed up with Ben. I am glad you are doing therapy. I wish you nothing but endless happiness and joy. I hope you build a nice family with that guy and have children with him (or not whatever you decide). As much as I want to get tea from your evil step-sis it is good that you do not have any information about her or Ben. The further you stay away from them, the better. ​ I am wondering why the step sister is still bothering to contact OP? Like what does she need? Money? Probably just wanting to reestablish the relationship so she can feel good about herself. Like, "See? We still talk! What I did wasn't that bad!" Too bad for her. There are some things you just can't come back from. A little update...-May 19, 2024 ** New Update starts here *\* I’m engaged. 💖🎉💍 When told not to contact her family: OOP:Wasn’t planning to but they already found out because the internet is a menace. My dad’s apparently having a total hissy fit because my fiancé didn’t ask his permission. Oh well. Sucks to suck, I suppose. Reminder - I am not the original poster. submitted by /u/J_S_M_K to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Haunting_Beauty_229 Originally posted to r/AITAH Previous BoRUs: #1, #2 [Final Update]: AITAH for telling an exchange student to not date my son and possibly ending my marriage? NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: abuse, sexual harassment, domestic abuse, mental health issues, grooming, emotional manipulation, racism, misogyny, child abandonment Mood Spoilers: optimistic RECAP Original Post: June 8, 2025 So, I (40F) have two kids, my daughter Liz (12) and son Toby (19). I'm going to be honest, Toby has become a perverted degenerate. Because Toby is his son, my husband (54) tended to spoil Toby a lot and indulge his interest (which included 18+ movies and my husband's stash of old Playboys). My husband would say 'he's a teenager, let him be' despite me telling him that Toby was growing to be a degenerate. This was ESPECIALLY true for Asian women. We had an Asian cleaner (we're pretty well off), who Toby would hit on and harass until she smacked him across the face when he tried to lift her skirt. My husband wanted to press charges, but I threatened to divorce him if he did and I would make sure everybody knew what a pervert Toby was. I made sure to give her a nice bonus before referring her to a friend, and then hired an older man in her place. Toby sulked for three months following that. I can already hear the comments "why threaten divorce when you could just do it", and it's because I didn't want to uproot Liz. I have been saving a small chunk of the weekly grocery money since she was born and have a lot saved in a secret account. I originally planned to get the best divorce lawyer once Liz goes to college and leave him, but considering everything that happened these past few hours, I may need to move my plans up. I realized I was basically groomed not long after Toby began exhibiting that problematic behavior, and I think fetishizing 'exotic' women is hereditary, as my husband is white and I am Latina. Most of the community knows I was groomed, so I have a lot of friends in the neighborhood because of it. They serve as my eyes, and it keeps Toby in check while in public (something that he makes clear annoys him). Anyway, our neighbor recently had his prior exchange student come back for a visit (he hosted a few years back). For the sake of the post, I will call her Kimi. Kimi is incredibly bright and happy, she's always smiling and waving at people in the street. This would be all fine and dandy if she hadn't done so to Toby, who she caught coming back from hanging out with friends. She was on my neighbor's front porch, having tea with my neighbor's wife, when they caught each other's eyes. To be honest, Toby was smitten, but I didn't trust it. I noticed he and Kimi would talk for hours on the porch the following week. And we even had her over for tea a few times over the course of that week. Liz absolutely adores her, and the two would talk about fashion and the newest anime and manhwas (I have no idea if I spelt that right, but the Korean version of manga). Fast forward to two days ago and we're having tea with Kimi, my neighbor's wife, and I. Kimi asked if she could possibly date Toby, and both the neighbor's wife and I froze up. I put down my cup and I was blunt, I told her Toby was a lot like his father in the fact that he doesn't see women as a gentleman should. I brought up the Asian maid, and told her Toby may look at her the same way, even if he doesn't seem to right now. I then explained my husband was the same way, love bombing and cherishing me, and I realized too late the kind of man he was. My neighbor's wife cut in, saying that she knows I had tried to set Toby straight, but some nature is too strong to change. I then finished saying that if she did decide to date Toby, I would be honored. I also informed her I'd have her back if Toby ever tried to pull anything shady, and so would most of the neighborhood. Kimi silently nodded, seemingly understanding. Now, Kimi is ignoring Toby. She came over this morning to pick up Liz for a shopping day, and Toby tried to say hi. But, she just ignored him and told me goodbye before Liz shut the door. Toby mumbled a slur while pouting, and I had enough. I rolled my eyes and said something along the lines of 'and that's why I warned her about you'. I honestly didn't mean to slip up, but I was exhausted from not sleeping (I have chronic migraines). Toby looked at me, and it looked like heartbreak. But, I looked at him straight in the eyes and told him 'I tried to make you a gentleman, but you and your father kept acting like perverted asses. If you want to blame anybody, blame your father. He allowed you to become this way'. Toby stormed to his room and I got a text from my husband an hour later, asking why I would sabotage my own son like that. I texted back basically the same thing, that I had enough of Toby looking at women like objects and that if he had been a good father, I wouldn't view my son as a pervert. We had a chance to fix his behavior, but he enabled him. My husband is now furious with me, and Toby has yet to leave his room. Liz and Kimi are still out, and I texted my neighbor's wife to ask if the two can sleepover at her place since I have a feeling my husband is already going to start a fight with me. The neighbor offered to come over and act as a mediator and shield (he's a big guy), and I took him up at that offer. I'm shaking, I'm scared, and I probably imploded my marriage. All because I warned a very kind girl about the kind of boy my son is. I feel like I'm about to throw up, I have no idea what my husband is going to do or say. All I know is he's mad, Toby is mad, but Liz and Kimi are safe. My nieghbor said he's going to be over before my husband gets home, and I honestly am left wondering if what I did is actually for the best. AITAH for warning an exchange student about my son and ruining my marriage? AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA Relevant Comments Commenter 1: NTA, and holy shit, get the entire cavalry. The entire neighborhood is going to want a piece of him if he hurts you. I’m so sorry this is happening to you OP! Does Liz know her brother’s a pervert? OOP: You're sweet, thank you. Liz does know, she never has friends over because she is scared Toby will try something. Commenter 2: Are you sure Toby hasn't tried something with his sister? Or cousins? It isn't too late to teach Toby about boundaries and consent. What is legal and what is not. OOP: My husband is an only child and all my family lives in my home country, so visits are rare. I don't think he's tried anything with his cousins, and even if he did, pretty sure his uncles and male cousins would beat the crap out of him. I have talked to Liz and she told me he's never done anything to her or her friends, but they say he gives off 'creep vibes' and just watches them from a distance. Liz knows if anything does happen, I'm safe to talk to. Toby has assaulted people before, he was expelled from school twice before 16 for touching staff and peers (that was one of the first times I had him tested). So, he has a track record of this kind of behavior. It's why the whole neighborhood watches him. Ever since his second expulsion, he hasn't had any legal trouble. The people he assaulted before dropped the charges once he was expelled and settled out of court both times. Downvoted Commenter: Sounds like you’re taking your anger of your husband out on your son. The son sounds like his had problems, but keeping him an incel probably isn’t helping. OOP: I tried for his entire teen years to get him to do something else aside from staying home. From clubs to sports, he didn't want to do any of it. He didn't like any of the community things (like fairs or markets) either. Even the library's book club didn't work out. I've had him tested for any mental things (like ADHD or Autism) and he came out with nothing. I have no idea how to help him and my husband just enabled him. I love Toby, I just don't know what to do anymore   Update #1: July 11, 2025 (a little over a month later) Hello everybody, I just wanted to clarify a few things before I update you all. Firstly, Toby is my son (I think a lot of people were under the impression that he was just my husband's, I guess I worded that strangely). Second, everything I have done to try to prevent any form of escalation of Toby's behavior was dismissed by my husband. Any punishments were immediately reversed when he got home. Thirdly, I got Toby tested for any form of mental disability after his first expulsion (he's been expelled twice), and he is neurotypical as far as the test go (I got him tested for ADHD, ASD, OCD, and BPD). Fourth, my husband has never been violent towards my children and I, if he's upset, he'll direct that energy to something else or activity. Fifth, it feels like a lot of people thought I was 'stealing from my family' by skimming money from the grocery budget. But, it was just spare change and notes from after my shopping trips. It's not like I was stealing the entire grocery budget. And finally, yes, I can hear and understand the 'why haven't you left' or 'why didn't you do this?'. It's taken a lot of talking between my family, friends, and now you people of Reddit, for me to realize Liz and I didn't deserve this, ESPECIALLY Liz. So, now for the update, I am filing for divorce. I packed Liz up and took her back to my home country for 'girls time' with her cousins. While there, I made and had a virtual appointment with two different lawyers from the same firm. They are currently drafting the paperwork, but they also recommended I talk to local law enforcement about a possible protective order against Toby and my husband. Given their behavioral tendencies, I may consider it. And before everyone comes after me for 'abandoning Toby', this hurts me too. But, at this point, I have to protect Liz. And if I plan to have full custody of her (which the lawyers said was highly guaranteed if Toby continues to live with my husband), I need to separate myself from them. I'm still in my home country, talking to my family about everything. Just as I confirmed before, Toby has not gone after any of his cousins (I asked since I needed any additional accounts for legal reasons). Right now, I'm ok, but honestly, I don't know if I'll update again. I just really want to put this entire situation at rest, so, I may see you guys again or I may not. But, thank you all for the support, advice, and courage. Comments Commenter 1: Please be careful. Your husband may have international law on his side if you file for divorce while out of the country. Especially if you and Liz are not citizens of whatever country you are currently visiting. You need to make sure that the legal firm you are working with is very familiar with international divorce and custody laws while you pursue this while outside the country you and Liz have been living in. Also, as a follow-up to your last post, no, "degeneracy" is not hereditary. Fetishizing exotic women is not hereditary. These behaviors are not coded in DNA; they are taught, and your son was taught to behave this way by his father. Which also means you're going to need to think about your role in your son's life; I'd suggest you prioritize therapy for you and your daughter (separately) ASAP. Commenter 2: It was so obvious from the first post that OP is an abused wife. Her husband has not had to get violent with her. The fact that he’s violent around her and the children is abuse. The fact that she needs to skim money from the groceries to have an escape fund indicates financial abuse. Enabling an encouraging the sons degenerate and misogynistic behavior is abuse. He has been abusing his wife and his children, especially his daughter for years. And the fact that anybody would accuse her of stealing from her family because she holds on to a couple of dollars from the grocery budget is indicative of the way, so many people Think that it is perfectly acceptable to abuse your family financially. I am glad OP is getting out. I hope that her family has her back and her husband hasn’t been financially supporting her family in her country so that they encourage her to stay. Good luck OP!!! and make sure the lawyers go after every penny you can get Commenter 3: You’re doing the right thing by protecting Liz and yourself. It’s heartbreaking, but sometimes distance is the only way to truly create safety and peace. Wishing you strength moving forward.   Update #2: July 26, 2025 (15 days later from the last update) Hello again, everybody. Just wished to keep everybody posted on the current situation, and thank those who support me in this difficult time. This update is luckily, more positive, and I am happy to say that I am not giving up on Toby! I am currently back in my husband's home country, I think people were under the impression I was going to take Liz back to my home country, but I've stated before that I don't want to uproot her. I just wished to look into legal matters and get my mind sorted. I had a few friends in the neighborhood who offered to let me and Liz move into their place, and I took one up on the offer (she lives closer to Liz's school so it works out better that way). I served my husband divorce papers two days after my last post and moved Liz and I out the day of. And two days after we moved out, Toby was found lurking outside of Liz's school. He was having a mental breakdown and screaming, and was detained for trespassing. As far as I know and what witnesses have told me and the police, he was a complete wreck. I was also told he had been taken to the hospital for a psyche evaluation and was placed in a 72 hour hold. I wasn't allowed to visit him and according to the nurses and doctor, my husband made no attempts to visit him or even speak to the doctor. Toby was diagnosed with a mixed personality disorder, as he showed classic symptoms from narcissistic personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder. His emotional breakdown came from the fact that I left, and when I was finally able to see him, it broke my heart. He kept crying and saying he didn't know why he was like this, and I just held him. He hasn't cried that hard since he was a child and it honestly gave me a slight sliver of hope that Toby could still be a part of my life. I sat in on his next therapy session (mandatory while in the facility). And he apologized for how he acted, but I told him that the apology came a little too late. I told him that I am happy that he wants to get better, but I needed space. That our contact wouldn't be nonexistent, just limited (one message I received actually told me that I could send him a voice message, and I think that is a wonderful idea). I told him that if he proved he could be better, we can have full blown contact again. I am currently working with the doctors to find a suitable facility for him, as I made it clear that if he went back to my husband, he would never get better. I figured a voice memo a month or maybe a video call, just so he doesn't think I've given up on him. And in six months, maybe a year, hopefully he has the tools, coping mechanisms, and medicine he needs. I also helped him look at online classes, just so he can branch out again and try to get an education. So, that's where things stand right now. No updates on my husband, I don't know if he got a lawyer or what he's planning. But, I am safe, Liz is doing good, and Toby is getting better. That's all I have for now. I realized I was too hard on Toby, and I plan to not only acknowledge that in my first video message, but apologize for it. A lot of the comments opened my eyes as to how hard I was on him, even tho most of his behavior wasn't just his fault, but mine and my husband's (or I guess future ex husband). Thank you all for your support, advice, and comments. Harsh or not, I'm glad I posted on here. Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: So sad that Toby had a breakdown, but it sounds like it was for the better since now he's getting help. Glad you and Liz are out and safe, but no word from husband, even with his son in the hospital is worrying. Hope all gets better now. OOP: I also think the silence is worrying, but I am going to enjoy the calm while I can. Commenter 2: Wishing you both stability and connection. 💛. If you find that your voice memos really help him process things, maybe you could try sending a couple more each month? Just a thought — it makes me sad to see stories like this. These disorders can be really intense, but as you said — with the right psych support, well-targeted therapy, and meds, I genuinely believe things can become more manageable over time. Functional, even. Hoping for an update in a year or two with some good news. 🍀. OOP:** That is a good idea! I will run it by his current doctor! Thank you for the advice! Commenter 3: I don't know if only contacting him once a month is a good idea. You're leaving a lot of space for your husband to come back in and swoop him into his manipulations. I think you do need to have more contact even if it hurts you, if you want to help him heal. Commenter 4: I'm happy you're not giving up on Toby and still want to protect both your children and yourself. I'm glad your daughter is happy and carefree and hope it remains like that. However. You need to have someone with her and someone with you wherever you go. The silence your husband is having issues threatening and he's for sure making a plan to destroy you all. So gather evidence from throughout the years and everything recently and keep two separate copies just in case. And please, please, get someone to go with your daughter and you at all times. Your STBEXH is gonna make a move and it will be drastic. He's being cornered, and animals are at its dangerous peak when they feel cornered and threatened. Get both of you "spy" GPS trackers in bracelets or something in case he gets one or both of you. Be always alert until someone can contact him.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Final Update: November 8, 2025 (3.5 months later from the last update) FINAL UPDATE: AITAH for telling an exchange student not to date my son and possibly ending my marriage? Hello everyone! I know it has been a while, but I just wanted to get this final update out for everybody. It has been a busy few months for me, so I will try to make the timeline easy. But, first, I want to thank everybody who has supported me through this. It means the world to me, Liz, and Toby. First off, I got a job. Once I moved out, I took the liberty to apply for part time work. I needed something that would allow me to still be a part of Liz's life while also saving for an apartment or something. Liz's school is in a pretty nice area, so it is taking a while for me to save enough money. But, the person who is allowing us to stay says she doesn't mind. I do cook for her and help tidy the house as a thank you, I'm forever grateful for her support. Liz is doing great, I'm looking at therapist for her. I think it would be best for her to have a safe place to vent that isn't me or one of her friends. I also know that with the upcoming divorce, she is going to need a little extra guidance she might not feel like sharing with me. Now, before I tell you all about Toby, I once again want to thank everybody for helping both him and I. Our relationship has gotten better since his diagnoses. I am aware progress is hardly linear, it took two months to figure out dosages and therapies, and we even found a homing service for him. He currently lives in a facility where he shares a dormitory. Four rooms to a dorm, so he has his own space, a communal area, and he can begin to make friends with boys his own age. I took people's advice and we decided a video chat a week would be sufficient. He is apparently having a nice time, and we have him enrolled for spring classes online for next year. He has two therapy sessions a week, plus the facility has a counselor for urgent cases. My hope is he can get down to one session per week eventually, but I think he just has a lot to unpack mentally. Finally, my ex husband. Apparently, his lawyer told him there wouldn't be much of a case for him. Due to amounting evidence, up to and including the state of Toby, as well as multiple character witnesses, he would most likely be made to pay child support for Liz and the courts will heavily favor me. So, he cut his losses and decided to terminate his parental rights to Liz. It was surprising receiving that letter, but nonetheless, I think he finally made a good decision. His rights are not fully terminated yet, and he does have supervised visitation with Liz every two weeks, though he rarely shows up (probably thinks it will help him have his rights are terminated faster). In regards to assets, my lawyers said that since I had proof of emotional, mental, and financial abuse, the courts would favor me in terms of assets. We did not have a prenup or anything protecting him, so my guess is assets will be split 50/50. Though, I don't want anything in the house. I already took my own personal items, as well as heirlooms that he could sell. I honestly just wish to wash my hands of him, though it isn't ever that simple. Our next court date is set for sometime in December. I won't lie and say I'm 100% ok, I do still sometimes worry for Liz and Toby. I still have tea with the neighbors, they assure me I'm doing the right thing. As do my family and friends, I am surrounded by support. I also received a card from Kimi from my old neighbor, apparently she is a lurker here and recognized the story! So, if you're reading this Kimi, your letter made me laugh and I am so glad you are doing well! Things have mostly settled, I still wake up some nights with a pit in my stomach and dread clouding my thoughts. But, overall, I think I am doing the best I can. I was also looking at therapy for myself, though I would like to finish my divorce before doing that. I think this will be my final update regarding my children and situation, once again, thank you for your support everyone :) Relevant Comments Commenter 1: So, terminating parental rights doesn’t usually mean you don’t owe child support. If you married another man and he adopted Liz, then your ex wouldn’t owe it. But I find it strange that the court would waive child support if he just gave up his rights. Deadbeat fathers all over the place would take that route if it got them out of child support obligations. OOP: It could have something to due with how property is divided. I think the topic will be discussed more in the December meeting Commenter 2: Just because he terminated his parental rights doesn't mean he is free of his financial responsibility in most states. OOP: I am not American, I am from Europe!! But, I understand the confusion!! :)   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/get-a-lifee Told my wife (F35) that she couldn’t do it without me (M34). Turns out she can. Originally posted to r/amiwrong & r/relationship_advice & u/get-a-lifee Thanks to u/neredia-- for finding the updates on OP's self post BoRU 1 TRIGGER WARNING: spousal neglect, deadbeat parent, death of spouse, despair Am I wrong in this fight? Jan 17, 2024 My wife and I don’t fight much. And when we do fight, we usually communicate well afterwards and things go back to normal. I brag to my friends about how reasonable my wife is and her ability to communicate and empathize is something I deeply admire. She doesn’t hold grudges. She talks me through my rough times. Until now. Due to a fire, my wife is out of work but still earning her salary (thanks insurance). We decided she would stay home with our young son while out of work. She doesn’t love child rearing, which is something we knew going into having kids. Honestly, it’s hard to tell. She’s a great mom. Present and loving even when I can see she’s struggling inside. I give my wife a lot of breaks. We co parent. Split bedtime routines for our two kids. We both pull our weight. Yesterday was a snow day. My daughter was home with my wife and son. I was working from home downstairs all day. I helped my daughter with cyber school until noon. My wife was with my son in the snow all morning, plowing the drive and sidewalks etc. maintaining the house. My daughter joined them and from the sound of things and some videos, she brought her friends over for playing and hot chocolate. I worked until around 5:00 and when I went upstairs it was chaos. My wife was doing laundry and helping my daughter who fell and hurt herself on the ice. She sent home the friends and we had dinner. I did the clean up and right after finishing- keep in mind I’ve been downstairs working all day, not even a bathroom break after noon- I go into the play room and my wife approaches me. It goes like this Her- “Hey can I go lay down for a bit.” The maybe offense… I admit I made a face and said Me- “I haven’t gone to the bathroom all day and I put cookies in the oven.” I can tell I messed up just by the face she give me Her- “Fine. Never mind. Forget I asked. Heaven forbid.” Now I’m sensing some attitude and know I’ve misstepped here. So I say. Me- “no it’s fine I’ll take care of it all. Go take a break.” To my complete shock, in front of our kids who I admit aren’t paying us much attention, but are still close my wife says. “I said never fucking mind. I’ve been running around on my feet all day watching our kids and other people’s kids and heaven fucking forbid I ask for twenty minutes to myself.” I again say “Go take a break! I told you it was fine.” But she’s clearly lost her marbles and is seeing red. She starts cleaning up and helping with the kids and I do too. I tried to overcompensate but she just took over caring for them and they listened to he In the hall I said “I think you forget I work all day.” And she viciously says. Her- “thanks for reminding me. I almost forgot.” I feel like an ass. I get that she works hard caring for the kids but I work hard too. I think not having her job and escape is making her reaction to this fight worse. She texted me the next day with her usual communication. She expressed how upset she felt with my behavior and the way I acted toward her. She said she was feeding and taking care of six kids all day in the snow alone and still cleaned the entire house and deep cleaned our craft room. I explained that I’m stressed at work and that I didn’t get why she’s so upset since I offered her a break but she said “I don’t want your pity breaks” She ended it with “thanks for the apology btw.” Which yeah, I didn’t exactly apologize but for what? And then she asked for the number to my daughters piano teacher. The piano teacher was the only activity that I manage for my kids. I found out she text her asking to go through my wife from now on as she will be managing the schedule. Normally my wife would text me asking if I can get my daughter from dance on my way home yesterday. I do this every week. I didn’t hear anything and when I got home I found out my wife dropped and picked her up. I confronted my wife with “I am very present with my children do not make me out to be an absent father.” My wife responded with “if I didn’t manage and ask you for help, you’d see them a quarter of the time you do now. And I’m done managing you.” I get it. I should have just smiled and agreed when she asked for help but this is extreme. She’s having a fit and trying to ice me out of my relationship with my kids. It’s so petty. It’s like I don’t even know this woman. Gone is the reasonable level headed communicator. So if you’ve made it this far thank you. And please please tell me if I’m wrong here. RELEVANT COMMENTS OOP on being told his wife is stressed Thanks for the response. Her reaction is so out of left field. She really is usually the most reasonable person I know. It’s been stressful for her and I admit I’m also so stressed at my job that I didn’t see it. I figured a few months off paid would be a luxury. But yeah, now I see having six kids and a toddler alone all day might be as luxurious as a barrel of hair. Guess it’s my turn to be the empathetic reasonable one. She’s done it enough for the both of us. OOP on being told to take the initiative and give the wife a break You are 100% right. I normally do say that. She asks me for a break at least three times a week to take a bath or go read and I almost always immediately say yes. It was just an off moment and I know I reacted poorly but she’s completely trying to ice me out. I had to argue with her this morning just to let me take my kid to school because “she said she’d do it.” And the kids just went along clinging to her and then when I pushed back my kid started crying for her. She had to calm him down and insist going with dad is fun just to undo what she did. He was fine with going with me but it’s messy and so unnecessary. I am scared with her behavior. I love my wife and I don’t want to push her away. OOP on his wife's schedule My wife has two days during the week without my son or daughter. She’s been painting the house and deep cleaning. My son is gone from 8-2 and my daughter 9-3 Monday and Friday both. I think the snow day broke her but hopefully she’ll come around and be sensible. I’ve never known her to ice me out or stop communicating and it’s freaking me out. It’s a little bit why I think there is more to this fight. Told my wife (F35) that she couldn’t do it without me (M34). Turns out she can. Jan 26, 2024 I made one stupid selfish comment to my wife a week or so ago and now my life is in disarray. My wife is in some crisis. Her work is closed and she’s being paid, but she’s home with our kids now, including one 3 year old. She gets breaks on Monday and Friday with childcare. We went into having kids knowing she wanted to be a working mother. So this has been an adjustment… to say the least. Onto the OG fight. She spent a long day with our kids and the neighboring kids, and when I came upstairs from work and she asked for a break, I didn’t respond well. I made excuses and didn’t offer help and for the first time in years my wife lost her temper and cursed at me. Like an idiot I dug in and thought I was right. I admit we both said some unkind things. But after reddit humbled me and she made me sit down and write a list of things I did for the family that day and compared it with her… longer list, I apologized. She accepted and I figured things would go back to normal. They haven’t. My wife used to include me in parenting our kids. I did dance pick up most weeks and bedtime was split. I gave baths. Made dinner. All the stuff. Since our fight, my wife hasn’t asked me for any help with the kids. The first morning I woke up on what was supposed to be my morning with the kids, I figured she was just being nice or trying to prove a point but it keeps happening. She didn’t even send them down to say good night last night. Normally my wife does this silly game where she sends my son to ask me to read 5 books and then we would negotiate down to 1 or 2 and race upstairs. Last night I heard her racing him and came up to find her doing bedtime yet again. The kids haven’t even noticed. It’s like she’s replacing me. When we were fighting I said something really really dumb that’s living inside me and festering. My wife was being nasty and said “you wouldn’t see the kids a quarter as much as you do if I didn’t arrange it and I’m done managing you.” I defended myself, I’m not an absent parent- and said something along the lines of “I’d like to see how long you can manage without me.” Consider my foot officially in my mouth. She’s started running again. She’s cooking really healthy and often. Every night I come home to my perfectly happy stepford wife, doing it all without me and I feel empty inside. How do I fix this? I don’t even know where to begin… at this point I want to beg her to go back to how things were. This wasn’t what we agreed on. RELEVANT COMMENTS UsuallyWrite2 I dunno…step up? Get involved without her organizing it or instructing you? Are you really this daft? OOP It’s difficult when they prefer her and she seems to do everything better then me. I work often as well. It helps to have her give me a heads up on the plan with the kids but I’m getting now that maybe that’s done and over with. LadyKlepsydra But he doesn't know what to dooo ;___; If she doesn't send the kid to him with an instruction of what books, and how many, are to be read, HOW is he supposed to know what to doooo? ;.; OP, that wasn't a silly game. That was a woman noticing you are never going to just go read your own kid a book, so she made it into a "game" for the child, so the child doesn't have to watch his mom come over to dad and say "please read him a book, for the love of god please!" Because that would give the kid an inkling that you are not doing it out of your own free will, and if not instructed, you would not do it ever, and that could be upsetting. OOP Ok. I admit. This hit me hard. Fuck man. Do you really think that’s what the game is? I hate that it makes sense to me OOP once again told to do more I’m fucking confused, ok? I had this perfect life with an amazing successful wife and a great job. We juggled two careers and two kids like champions, always communicating who is where, doing what activity. Working together to manage the American dream of doing it all. Then my wife’s job burns down and she’s home all the time doing everything. She gets stressed and we fight and now she’s totally different. Idgaf about warm meals and a stepford wife, I want MY wife. My partner. My teammate. And yes my FUCKING manager back! She was amazing. And now I managed to fuck it up like always by sticking my foot in my mouth. She’s still perfect only now I KNOW she’s not doing what she wants and that I have failed her in some way that seems to have broken her. Or maybe fixed her. Idk. Like I said. I’m confused and apparently an idiot. OOP when asked if maybe his wife wants an equal partner You won’t believe me anyways. I’ve been with my wife since we were kids- 15/16. I know this woman. She LOVED doing it all and she was amazing at it. She always bragged about being a working mom but she never put down woman that stayed home. Her mother was a stay at home mom that got married super young. My wife didn’t want that life. We used to joke about her earning more then me so I could stay home. She never complained about the kids schedule either. She did drop offs at daycare and I did pick ups. We had a rhythm and flow. I think not being home during the day with them made her soak in the time at night more than maybe I did. Idk. But I honestly think she was happy. OOP again explains his wife's work schedule My wife works with animals and makes her own schedule. She can schedule days off whenever so she is more flexible. She is home to take the kids into daycare and then I would pick them up and drop them at my moms and my wife would get them around 4. She does not need to work. I pay the majority of the bills. My wife’s job earns less, but that doesn’t make it less worthy. She actually effects the world. I just type at the computer all day and deal with air emissions. My wife works to pay for daycare. It’s her “big” expense. I do mortgage and everything else. She also uses her money to buy stuff. She has full access to my account and often transfers money when low. I do not have access to her account. It’s a personal boundary of my wives that she always have her own private money. I don’t need or want that myself so she manages most of the finances. My wife has traumas around being “stuck” as a homemaker and baby maker. OOP ADDS TO EDITS TO POST Edit: Fuck guys I get it. I’m a piece of shit. I’m going to make this right. Edit 2: thank you to the handful of people that reached out with advice. Believe it or not, I do want to be a good father and husband. I’ve royally fucked up and I see that and fully admit it. This is going to be my only edit and then I’m going to get off my phone for a while and focus my attention on my family. My wife had dinner cooked when I got home. Everything is fine between us so there wasn’t any tension. After we cleaned up I went upstairs and ran my wife a bath, put Taylor swift on her Alexa and lit a few candles. I told her to go relax upstairs for the night. She was surprised but smiled and went on her way. I’m currently on the toilet watching my kids take a bathe. People mentioned love bombing etc. but I’m just trying anything I can to show her I do appreciate and love her and our family and I want to be a present father. I’m going to do bedtime tonight and probably all next week. I’ll tell her she does so much during the day and deserves the break because it’s the truth. I get that I come off as an asshole. I grew up in a not great situation and didn’t have the best role models growing up. I’m terrified of my children not having enough and I overcompensate by working too much. This new job came with a big pay increase but the hours are longer and I feel like I can never keep up. I’ve reached out to a few recruiters tonight. I used to love my job and was always home by 4:30. Even if it means taking the lost income, I’m thinking about going back. Relationships are hard. And humans aren’t perfect. For all the people telling me my kids don’t love me and I’m a waste of space, idk guys, just remember I’m an actual person. That shits rough. Anyways that’s all I have for you folks. I need to watch these kiddos and start planning out my long road of groveling and reconnecting. Thanks all! OOP ADDED COMMENTS AFTER THE BORU WAS POSTED Comment 1 Back on after a while and I see this comment right away. Thanks for asking. The update is slow moving. My wife and I had a few nights of talking and crying that have helped make us stronger. I know everyone hates me but I DO love my wife and had she ever expressed an unequal workload before this fight I would have put effort into learning about it and fixing it. As it stands, we agreed to therapy. My wife feelings like her reaction to our fight was out of her norm and wants to start her own therapy to help. I fully support that! I also do weekly therapy and find it helpful. Boy was this week fun for my therapist…. Anyways I looked deep into weaponized incompetence and unequal mental workloads and have come to realize I’m essentially another head to manage for my wife. We agreed to be partners in this life and somewhere along the line I lost that thread. She still claims she wants to manage our schedules but I don’t want to be that husband or father. I have always thought my wife was amazing and looked up to her WWAD (what would wife’s name do) is my motto. I want to be more like her so I need to learn how to manage myself and my time and my kids time without her help. I’ve asked to take on the parenting responsibilities 100%. I didn’t realize she needed to do so much shit. It’s been eye opening. Idk how long we will keep this up either. My wife isn’t the biggest fan of handing over the reigns. Reddits hate has lit a fire under my ass. Having so many outside people looking into the situation and simultaneously getting the ick from me has been humbling. Comment 2 I think I’m going to go with what my wife and I decided in terms of deciding what’s realistic or sincere. I wanted to see what it felt like to be 100% in control of everyone’s schedule and making sure to take care of it. It’s incredibly difficult to constantly be reminding myself of the time and who needs what and when but it’s also been humbling and rewarding. We both know it won’t last forever and we will get back to finding our new healthy medium. Things won’t go back to before and they won’t stay like this forever. But for now, I’m taking over doctors and school duty and when we sign up my son for kindergarten next year I’ll be doing all the work for that and making sure I’m fully involved in the things I missed with my daughter. I’m going to be a better dad and that’s just final. OOP updated in the original post Feb 18, 2024 Update: 2/18 It’s been a minute since I bothered with Reddit, but when I logged in it seems some people care for an update. It’s not exciting. I’ve taken a lot of time to really LOOK at the man I’ve become. My wife and I are 100% back to being a team, but I’ve realized I wasn’t stepping up the way I always wanted to. I promised my wife a partnership and even though it’s been a month or so since our fight and my wife keeps asking me to “forget it happened”, I can’t. My therapist is helping me sort through my overthinking. My wife started therapy b/c of the stress losing her work (temporarily) and staying home has caused. Her issues appear to stem from feeling “useless” without bringing in a paycheck and was taking on too many tasks at home to overcompensate. She doesn’t feel like she deserves breaks and when she takes them she feels awful about herself and like she’s ‘lazy’. Coming from the LEAST lazy person I know, I can tell she’s struggling. And I’ve been supporting her the best I can. I often make sure she knows I think she deserves breaks. So when I see her hyper fixating on cleaning the floorboards I intervene gently by reminding her that this doesn’t need doing right now but that I will finish it for her while she does me a favor and takes a little break. Sometimes it works and other times she tells me to “stop fussing and leave her to work” and I do. It’s been working well and I don’t mind the extra work for the peace of mind it offers me. My wife is my everything and her happiness is paramount. My kids are mostly clueless to all this. We don’t involve them. And I must say, I made a throwaway comment about my wife not loving child rearing and received a lot of nasty comments about not having kids we don’t want. I’m weary to dignify this with a response but will say what I meant was that we agreed before having children that my wife would not be the sole support system for them and that she would never feel obligated to quit working. My wife is fiercely independent due to her past and a big part of her comfort in our relationship comes from her ability to leave it safely if she ever needed to. That trauma is hers and I won’t touch more on it other then to say I agreed to this aspect before we married and do not mind it. She SHOULD be an independent person. I’d want the same for my kids. So that’s basically it. I’ve taking on the role as primary parent. I get my kids to daycare/school and home and while my wife helps half the time, it’s now my responsibility to see who is doing what and coordinate things. I can’t do it all in my head like her but i have a chart that’s been helping. She rebelled at first but gave up the reigns surprisingly easily. She needed a break. I also put my son back in full time daycare although my wife keeps springing him early, I can tell she likes the break. That’s all I have for now. Thanks guys and sorry it’s not more dramatic. I know some of y’all wanted my balls and were hopeful my wife would leave me. While I would be lost without her and the thought makes me physically ill, it’s nice to see people appreciating my wife the way she deserves and stand up for her so fiercely. Thanks all! One last thing: I bought her this game PalWorld on the computer. She hasn’t gamed since having kids b/c of some pre-conceived conclusion it made her a bad parent but I insisted she spend a few hours and since I’d spent money, she did. I find her playing a lot to wind down when the day is over. It seems to be helping her feel more herself too. So thanks video games! I’ll stand for a lot of assumptions on my character- and boy have there been some nasty ones- but one thing I won’t take is people saying I don’t love my wife. She’s my person and it is my duty in life to make her happy. Evolving.. Aug 4, 2025 (self-post 18 months later) I say evolving because I can’t say I’ve changed. It’s not been long enough for that. I posted a while ago on Reddit to vent. I was angry about a fight I’d had with my wife about something stupid I’d done. I’ll be honest, it was multiple stupid things. After a lot of… strong opinions on here and some heavy reflecting (I didn’t even know my kids doctors name) I had a perspective shift. I decided I wanted to be more involved. More of the primary parent. My wife agreed so start handing me the reigns starting with registering our son for kindergarten and all of my daughters activities. I work from home and am flexible and honestly enjoy being the one to get my kids on and off the bus. Now, I am the one they call when the kids are sick. Even when they do bother my wife she will call me because I’m closer and I’m free now. I am home room parent for my son this year. Bring the office ladies eggs. Got the background checks for volunteering. Shark shop from 11:30-12:40 is a perfect way to spend my Tuesday lunch break. The kids still prefer mom sometimes, but wow has it made a huge difference. So… if you can, dads, be the primary. It’s worth every second. I can't do this alone Oct 17, 2025 My entire personality was my life with my wife. We grew up together. I knew her in diapers. We got together in high school and stayed together. We had ups and downs and we build a family upon our ability to love and learn. She was the best part of our family. My wife died 5 weeks ago in a car crash. She left to grab a few things to make for dinner. My last words to the love of my life were an answer to “any preference for dinner.” Something she asked a lot and often got annoyed when I answered the same fucking way I did that day “I couldn’t care any less.” And those were the last words. I’m drowning in this grief. A wave has come and swept me away and I don’t have the strength to fight it. I have two young kids. I can’t drown. Everyone keeps telling me that. I need to be strong for them and I’m trying. They are back to school. Back to some level of normal. My in laws are gone. I’m alone with my grief. I can’t do this guys. I don’t think can survive this. I don’t want to be here without Katie. I can’t do it. I want to stay but how? HOW? I’m so mad. This wasn’t supposed to be her end. This wasn’t supposed to be how it went. I took her for granted. I didn’t deserve her anywhways. I just want to die. Struggling with grief and young children Oct 18, 2025 I lost my wife suddenly. My kids are young, 9 and 5 and it’s been really really hard. My issues could fill a book but I’ll stick to one that’s concerning me. My therapist gave good advice but I’m wondering if this is something anyone else experienced. My 9 year old is refusing to accept my wife’s death. She doesn’t cry about it. She doesn’t want to talk about it AT ALL. When I bring it up, she leaves or just kind of shrugs and gives short answers. This is out of character for her, she’s usually the one to cry over a sad song or a stubbed toe. The other side of the coin is my son, who cries himself to sleep most nights begging for mommy. I’ve even screamed “so do I but she’s not here.” At the poor kid. I’m trying not to drown myself and I’m scared I’m failing them tremendously. They both are in therapy. The therapist says it’s normal. Google says it normal. Idk what I want. I guess other windows and windoweds to say “yes that happened to me and everything is fine.” But I have no illusions anything will ever be fine again. I know I need help. I’m struggling here. The path forward seems impossible and my grief immovable. Grief and kids Oct 22, 2025 Screaming into the void for help with my young kids. My wife died suddenly and my kids are 9 and 5. My daughter won’t talk to me about her mom. She’s avoiding the topic entirely- leaves when I bring it up, just gets quiet and doesn’t contribute when I’m trying to talk about her. I hate saying this but it’s easier than my son. My son was very independent and wild. Now he won’t leave me alone. He’s with me all the time, following me around, if he can’t find me after calling out once he burst into tears and becomes inconsolable, which annoys my daughter who then calls him a baby and runs to her room. I feel like I’m drowning. My son is always on me and I just need space. My daughter is so angry and I can’t address it because I am too. When my son cries for his mother I join him and I know I shouldn’t but Jesus Katie, this wasn’t supposed to be how our lives ended. I’m so alone guys. I don’t want to be here anymore. Six Weeks Oct 23, 2025 Katie- my missing you has become a visceral pain I carry all day- I don’t sleep- I don’t eat- I’ve showered three times. Work is being lenient but their wife didn’t bleed out in a car alone so Don needs my help with purchasing “whenever I can manage.” I can’t manage Katie. Are we so sure we can’t go back in time? If I believed in God I’d bargain my own life for yours. You were always the best of me- my better half. I wish I’d cherished you more. Loved you better. Saved you… The kids are lost. It’s like the sail to our boats been cut and we are all just drifting out to sea, clinging to whatever remains of this boat that once soared. E is hurting in silence. I’ve found a good therapist- it’s a farm and they use the animals to help. Your cousin told me about it, even helped by calling. I’m so worried about our kids, Katie. She doesn’t want to talk about you- she just wants to be moving and going- she skates every day now. Remember just a few months ago how hard it was to convince her to go. Now she can’t run from me and our home fast enough. She stays at the Clausers a lot too, I know being with friends brings her peace but I miss my little girl. A is even worse. He is so afraid of death I don’t know what to do. Katie, you were also so patient and soft with A, and now he’s stuck with me. He sleeps in your spot at night, the smell of you on the pillow comforts him. I took the top pillow case and put it in a bag to persevere your smell. He asks me about your death a lot. At 5 I know he’s confused and curious but I can’t stand thinking about it. I can tell he’s nervous I’m going to leave too. He calls out for me if I leave his eye sight. At school, he’s begun to cry a lot and has been sent home twice this week alone. The therapist doesn’t accept kids under 8 so I need to find him a place soon. So much to do… Katie, my love, most of all I’m afraid. I’m afraid you died alone. I’m afraid of the pain you felt. I know your cause of death was quick, but they told me you showed signs of “defensive efforts”, combined with your father proudly saying you went out fighting and I just know you had moments of clarity where you knew death was coming. Were you scared my love? Were you cold? Did you call out for me? This can’t be our life Katie. I’m so sorry love. I have to go. I’ll write again soon love. It's never going to end Nov 3, 2025 My missing you is a pain I’ve never known possible. I’m still here Katie. I know you’d want me to stay for the kids but how I yearn to be beside you again. I’ll never love again. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Lazy-Championship922 to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is still livinginfearmom. She posted in r/TrueOffMyChest and her own profile! Previous BORU here. New Update marked with ****\* OOP herself let me know about her update. Do Not Comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. Trigger Warning: Attempted kidnapping Mood Spoiler: happy ending!!! Original Post: April 10, 2023 *All names have been changed to protect everyone involved. I (24F) am a single mom to my son, Owen (8). It’s been just us since Day 1. His father isn’t in the picture and has been able to avoid child support for years now (yes, I’ve tried everything). My own parents disowned me. I had to drop out of high school and have worked a myriad of jobs since then to keep us afloat. We aren’t on the poverty line by any means, but we definitely live paycheck to paycheck, in a one bedroom apartment. It’s not ideal and I hope within the next couple of years, we’ll be some place bigger. For now, it’s our situation. I’ve raised Owen to know that money isn’t everything. We may not have a lot. He won’t always have the newest this or that. But we have each other. The two of us are very close. He has never gone without the basics, but I admit, he doesn’t get a lot of fun extras. I try to save a little here and there to make birthdays and holidays fun, but it’s still never anything glamorous. And I think Owen was fine with that. Until recently, anyway. In our area, all the public schools are based on a lottery system. So, your child has a fair shot of going to any of them, so long as you put in their name. Our neighborhood school is not great and in a pretty crappy area, so I decided to put him in a different one across town. It’s near my job, so it works out. Last year, when he was in 2nd grade, he met Charlie. They began hanging out a lot after school, with Owen going to his place. I met Charlie’s parents, Nate and Paige a couple of times before this began. They seemed very nice and supportive. Owen always had a great time at their house. Charlie occasionally came to our apartment, but usually they were at his place. Which made sense. I work and there’s really not much for them to do here, even when I am off. Summer breaks are easy to find care, as there are several free or low cost camps that I can put Owen in. It’s the shorter breaks, such as Christmas and spring that are harder. Cam space is limited. Spring Break of 2022, I managed to just miss registration. Paige is a stay-at-home-mom and offered to take Owen for the week. I was hesitant to ask so much of her but she insisted. He had a really fun time with them. They did a ton of activities and Paige refused my attempts to pay her back at least some (I couldn’t afford all). I admit, I did feel a tad uncomfortable with her spending this much on my son, but at the same time, I didn’t want to deprive Owen of this stuff. Summer came and while I did get Owen into camp, he spent a ton of time with Charlie as well. He ended up going on vacation with them. I was again, very hesitant, but the experience was something I could never give Owen and it wasn’t too far away. He had a blast. I kept telling Nate and Paige that there’s no way I could ever pay them back and they kept insisting that they loved having Owen around. They told me what a great kid he is. Sweet, respectful. At one point, I really pressed Paige as to why she was so insistent on having Owen around so much. That’s when she told me that they never planned for Charlie to be an only child, but all attempts at giving him a sibling just didn’t happen. They know that Owen will never make up for not having a brother, but if they can give him a consistent playmate so he’s not lonely, they’ll do it. Should this have been a red flag? Maybe. But at the same time, I found it sweet that the boys considered each other brothers. I thought it was innocent. Surely, Paige and Nate knew the truth. Right? Right? This continued for a bit and come Christmas Break of 2022, Paige and Nate insisted that I not even bother to try to get Owen into a camp, they’d take care of him for me. I was grateful. They ended up getting him more Christmas gifts than I did. I tried to set my pride aside because it was about Owen, not me. This is still when things finally started seeming off to me. I understood a gift on his birthday and while they didn’t get him as many gifts at they got Charlie, it was a lot more than you would typically get your kid’s friend. Fast forward to now. Spring Break was last week and this time, Paige and Nate didn’t just offer to take care of him during the day while I worked, they asked if Owen could spend the entire week at their house. Honestly, it meant I could pick up some more shifts and save up for the bike Owen wants for his birthday. So, I said yes. I went to pick him up on Saturday afternoon. The kids were playing out back, so Nate and Paige asked to talk to me. They sat me down and said they love Owen and he’s always such a joy to have. I thanked them profusely for all they’d done for him. Paige suggested that Owen stay a little longer. I pointed out Easter was Sunday plus school started up on Monday. They said they could take him to school. I felt weird and said, no, it was time for Owen to come home. That’s when Nate suggested that Owen stay with them long term. I could still see him, but they would take care of him. I thought they were joking and said “Like what, you’d be his guardians or something?” They got quiet and the reality rushed over me. I pointed out that this wasn’t a movie. They can’t just get custody. They started spouting some legal stuff about how I could assign them as guardians and they would help make this transition smooth. They told me to think about Owen and what’s best for him. I told them there was no way in hell I was going to give up my son. I grabbed Owen and we left. I’ve blocked their numbers. Owen has no clue what’s going on. I’m keeping him home tomorrow and took the day off work to figure some stuff out. Legally, they can’t take him. But now I know what they want and I’m terrified. I don’t want him going back to that school. Do we move? I’m so lost. And I feel so stupid because looking back, all the warning signs were there. I know Owen is going to be devastated losing Charlie, Paige and Nate. How am I ever going to explain it to him? Relevant Comments: In response to some (now removed) accusations of neglect: I can take care of my kid. He’s never gone hungry. The lights are always on. He has clothes (albeit sometimes from good will or donations). We lived in our car briefly when I was 17 but I pulled us out of that situation and we’ll never be in that place again. I have health insurance. He goes to the doctor. Has his vaccines. He just doesn’t have an iPad or summer vacations. What he does have is love. His favorite stuffed giraffe that I got him when I was pregnant. A love for the park. He isn’t deprived. He has a good life. I love him and I’m never giving him up. Maybe those parents have been turned down by foster/adoption agencies: I’ve suspected this too. It seems like they don’t want another child, they want Charlie to have a permanent playmate/buddy. And I don’t know much about the system, but if they were as honest as they were with me, I could see them turned down. Update (Comments): Later that day Post won’t let me update directly so here it is in the comments Update* There’s no way I can respond to everyone so I just want to say thank you for the advice. While I understand those saying they potentially meant well and weren’t trying to be offensive…it’s still a risk I can’t take. It’s not like they offered to take him every so often. They wanted him full time, permanently. To those who said I should just let them…please pass me whatever drugs you are on. I will never give up my son. Do we have the newest this or that? No. We have our needs met. I love my son and I am not letting him go. As for everyone else, I took your advice and reached out to the school. I told them that Paige and Nate are no longer allowed to pick up Owen and explained I do not feel safe with them around each other. They understood. There’s not much they can do outside making sure they never pick him up. It’s too late in the year to move classes but next year, Charlie and Owen will not be in the same class. I notified the police but again, they can’t do much. We have zero in writing and a simple request to have my child isn’t really breaking any laws. Unfortunately all I can do is hope they don’t try anything. I still haven’t spoken to Owen. I think it’s fine if he talks to Charlie and plays with him at school, but I have to find a way to explain why they can’t have play dates or sleepovers. As well as to never to go anywhere near Nate and Paige. I guess that’ll come in time. I’ll update again if anything happens. I’m hoping this is the end. As some of Nate and Paige’s defenders said, they did take my “no” well. So hopefully they realize how totally out of bounds they were and leave us alone. Update 2 (Comments but it only shows up on OOP's profile ): April 11, 2023 (next day) Monday night, I talked to Owen and explained that Nate and Paige were not safe. He was confused and I explained that they wanted to take him away from me. I think it spooked him as he started crying, saying he didn’t want to leave me and he didn’t want to see them again. I held him and assured him he wasn’t going anywhere. He understands he is never to go anywhere with them and that the school is taking measures to protect him. I said he could still talk and play with Charlie at school. He said he doesn’t want to. I was honestly worried he’d hate me but you all were right. Telling him the full story made him realize how serious it was. He understands the gifts and trips will stop and says he’s alright with it. Also, I wanted to address one last thing: I’ve gotten a few people offering me money or gifts. Please do not do that. I am very appreciative but that was not the purpose of this post. If you wish to do something, donate to your local shelter or other charity. Owen and I are not in need, I’d rather see it go to people who need it. I didn’t see Nate or Paige at drop off, nor have I gotten any contact (but then again, I did block them everywhere). Thank you all for your help. I’ll update if anything else happens (hopefully it won’t). Update Post: April 14, 2023 (4 days later) I have tried to post this update in True Off My Chest but it keeps getting autodeleted. Since I have so many followers, I figured I'd update here and hopefully it gets around. Well, what everyone feared would happen, did. Tuesday, he returned to school. I told him he could still talk with and play with Charlie. I was hesitant to drop him off but figured you can’t live in fear. Most afternoon, my son takes the bus to a local rec center for aftercare. I had already told the school everything and that Nate and Paige were not to pick Owen up. I managed to call and even make sure he got on the bus. Aftercare was also made aware of the change in pick up list. Well, a half hour later, I get a call that Paige had tried to pick up my son. The front desk refused to release him. Didn’t say why, just that she was no longer on the list. She wouldn’t leave and the police were called. She was escorted out of the building. While she wasn’t brought to jail, there is a police report and I am using this to go to court and get an order of protection. Paige and Nate are also banned from the rec center so if they *do* show up, they will get arrested for trespassing. The police are working on ways to protect us and the local social services office has been made aware of the situation, so should they try to make a claim, they’re aware of the situation. Relevant Comment: Commenter: Thank you for the update. I am pulling for you! Great job on getting your ducks in a row at school and after care. They are starting to show their true colors. Please keep a careful eye out and be prepared. Talk with your son some more and make sure he understands a little better to not leave with them. OOP: Thank you. I spoke to him Monday evening, so he knew what he was walking into on Tuesday. It freaked him out a lot and he said he absolutely didn't want to leave me. So, he's aware and knows to never go with them. NEW UPDATE *****Update Post 3: September 28, 2025 (2.5 years later)****\* Title: An update on our lives, 2 years later I hadn't realized it had fully been nearly 2.5 years since I gave an update to our lives, but I thought about this whole saga recently, found the account, and realized 3k+ of you folow this now, plus it seems I still get requests for an update. After this happened, I wanted to stay in the area we lived in. If anything, because I couldn't afford to move us. I ended up transferring Owen to a different after-school program. He still remained friends with Charlie at school. Apparently, even Charlie would call his parents weird and said he was angry with them for making it so Owen couldn't go over there after school. The rest of the year passed by awkwardly, but initially, the school did a good job of making sure Nate and Paige were not anywhere near my son. I was told they wouldn't be allowed to volunteer anymore (as Paige often did, prior to everything). Summer soon came, Owen started his usual camps, and I thought all was well. I had initially been told that the boys would not be put into the same class the following year. (It had been too late in the year to move either of the boys) But when I brought Owen to school on the first day, I saw Charlie's name on the door. It's a small school, and they have a unique last name, so I knew it wasn't a coincidence. I spoke with the principal and was told it was impossible to keep them in separate classes and there were factors I just "couldn't possibly understand". I regretfully didn't fight as hard, because I assumed Paige and Nate were still banned from volunteering. It was like a horror movie receiving a letter from the room moms of the class (typical letter I receive every year talking about fundraising, volunteer opportunities, when they raise money for teacher gifts, etc). Paige's name was right at the bottom. I once again spoke to the principal and was told that they couldn't keep Paige away from the school. She donated a lot of money, was great with the kids. They said since we had no incidents in 5 months at that point, we had to let it go. I tried to. I thought, maybe things have changed. But it brought me so much anxiety every time I thought about that woman near my son. The school was refusing to protect him. What if things hadn't changed? I debated switching schools but this was the best in our area, and I couldn't afford private. I prepared my son. He said he wouldn't try to go with her and would scream if she tried to take him. Sure enough, first class party of the year, my son said Paige was there, and Owen said she kept trying to talk to him. She kept asking him to come over and even wanted my new phone number (I changed it for obvious reasons after everything went down). Thankfully, Owen knew better. But I just saw the rest of the year flashing before my eyes. Paige finding ways to be around my son, potentially breaking him down. Since the school didn't give a shit, I had nightmares of them letting her kidnap him. I knew we couldn't stay long, but again, I was broke, working a crap job, and I couldn't just pack up and leave. So, I started applying to some new jobs out of our city. As it was, I had one job working in retail but I picked up house cleaning shifts and occasionally some babysitting shifts in between. I took a chance and applied for a live-in nanny position in a city about 3 hours away. I didn't think I'd have a shot at it, especially as I had a kid. But, I met with the parents and they were so kind, so sweet. They were more than happy to let me bring Owen with me and let us live with them. They had an in-law suite I could live in as long as I was working there. It was only one bedroom, but Owen and I were used to that. He was a little sad about leaving his friends, but we jumed at the opportunity. I admit, I was nervous to put ourselves in a similar situaiton as before. What if these people enticed my son and wanted to take him? But, thankfully, they weren't like that. They were kind to Owen, but they maintained boundaries. I eventually told them our story and they were horrified that this had ever happened to us, and assured me they would never try to take my son. I was making better money living with them, and since I didn't have rent or utilities to worry about, I was able to save up more than usual. Owen thrived in his new school. The best part was, he got to spend time with me and the little ones I took care of. No more crazy hours, no more after school programs. After 8 years, we finally caught a break. The family recently outgrew their need for a nanny, but they were happy to help me find a new job. This position isn't live-in, but I was able to save up to put a down payment on a condo! Something I never thought would happen. For the first time in 10 years, Owen has his own room! Something that both excited him, but he was also a little scared. With the help of my old bosses (who are now good friends of ours), we were able to decorate. And my new bosses are so kind and again, totally fine with me bringing their baby with me to pick up Owen and having him around. I haven't heard from Nate and Paige since April 2023. My son occasionally mentions Charlie, and I know he misses his buddy, but he's also relieved about where we are. I hope for Charlie's sake that his parents have calmed down, maybe they've learned their lesson. If anything, so they won't prey on another woman in my situation. I don't speak to anyone from our old city (no friends there), so I have no way of knowing. Sorry if that's not a fun update. But, that's where we are. Happy, healthy, and doing well. I'm 26 now, but many days, feel like I'm 42. I'm in a new relationship now, dating seriously for the first time since Owen was born. I have a group of friends who are also nannies. It took me 8.5 years to gain a support system. Still haven't spoken to my parents. Owen's father will never be a part of the picture, but we finally have a family. Still, he often tells me that if all of it went away like Nate and Paige did, he'd be happy with just us. God, he knows how to make his mama cry. Anyway, thank you all for the support and concern over the years. Much love to you all. submitted by

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is blind-with-worry. He posted in r/AskReddit 16 years ago. Do NOT comment on Original Posts. These posts are almost 16 years old. Read trigger warnings. This is a long post. Trigger Warnings: sexual exploitation of a minor; child rape (mentioned); creepy sexual behavior; technically legal sex but with a minor; victim blaming; manic episodes; mental health crisis; involuntary commitment to a mental hospital; Mood Spoiler: as happy of an ending as is probably possible Original Post: October 1, 2009 (recovered) Title: So I stumbled across some NSFW pictures of my kid sister on the Internet... what do I do? First and foremost: no, I didn't save any of them. Second: no, I will not tell you where I found them. Third: no I did not fap to them. This is a serious situation so please take your inappropriate comments elsewhere, if that's not too much to ask. Sigh. So the other night I was up late finishing a paper for school (I attend a university, but commute there from home) when I decided it was time to look for some porn (it's on the Internets now, in case you didn't know). Through sheer random chance (a random link on a site/board I frequent) I stumbled across a picture of a rather attractive looking blond. I opened up the first pic in the series and, lo and behold, it was my sister. Without giving too much away, the pic was of her, naked, on her bed, and obviously a self-shot. Obviously, I was freaked for a number of reasons. First and foremost being the fact that she's my LITTLE SISTER FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! Second, she's ONLY SIXTEEN MEANING THE PICTURE IS ILLEGAL!!! I immediately deleted it, emptied my browser's cache, and ran an eraser program just in case. I then disabled the displaying of images and went back to the thread I'd found it on. Why would I do this, you might ask? Because my sister is sort of fucked up and I was concerned. By "fucked up" I mean that she was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of ten or so and then PTSD after she was raped by an extended family member when she was 13 (that's a long story; suffice to say, the case never went to court and the asshole cousin who did it is in jail on a plea-arrangement). Later and most recently she was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, which is what I think she's had all along. And things got a lot better for her once she started on her new meds. She stopped getting into so much trouble at school, her grades picked up, and she wasn't fighting with our parents so much anymore, either. As recently as a month ago my dad remarked to me in private that he was "so proud" of how well "Julie" (not her real name) has been doing. Then I stumble across this thread and now I'm extremely worried. What the fuck is she thinking? I already knew she spent a lot of time online but I had no idea she was spending it by pandering to anonymous internet-perverts on an image/message board! I did some more investigating and a search for her alias revealed that she's been posting on two such boards for at least the last six months. There are some huge gaps in her posting frequency but typically she's posted about once a week on average. Sometimes she posts several times a day. From the little red X's I saw during this "investigation" she's been including images of herself at least 10% of the time. I don't know why she's doing this. For attention? Hell, she gets plenty of attention at home! Our mother does whatever she wants and our father worships the ground she walks on, too. Plus, whenever she gets upset, she always comes to me for advice/help. I'm sort of the stereotypical stalwart big-brother, there to take care of her, etc. We've always been close, even during her craziest phases (and my most reclusive ones). Now I don't know what to do. For the last few nights I've debated asking some of my friends about it, but I've been afraid they might try finding said images for themselves (I have good friends but I know how guys are, seeing as I am one; I also know that at least a few of them have had the hots for her for a while now). Besides, admitting to them that I've seen my sister... like that might creep them out. Or I could talk to my parents. But then I'm afraid they'll do what they did last time "Julie" freaked out: put her in a mental hospital. I certainly don't want to be the cause of that. Another option would be to talk to her about it. But god, then I'd have to admit I'd seen one of her nudie pictures. What would she think of me then? I know half of Reddit will never believe what I said above about me only looking briefly, and then deleting entirely; what are the odds she'd believe me? What if it pissed her off? What if she accused me of being a pervert? Or, what if she just became uncomfortable around me for the rest of our lives? Hell, I've sort of been uncomfortable around her since that Picture Heard Around the World... damn. I don't know what to do. I think it is very, very unhealthy for her to pander to these Internet perverts. In one of the most recent messages she posted she said she would start doing videos soon. The worst thing is, these guys, her supposed "fans", treat her like crap. They demand "more" all the time and they call her all sorts of mean names. And her replies to such vileness play into what they say. Reading through the most recent thread was heart-breaking for me. She admitted in it that she's "worthless" and a "slut at heart" and "stupid" because these guys want her to be that. They call her those things and she goes along with it, even though I know she's not. She's actually loved, and pure, and brilliant. Why would such a girl behave so differently online? Please, Reddit... I know some of you are dying to post a funny or sarcastic remark. But please refrain. I love my little sister. If you have any thoughts on how I can best handle this situation, please share. Otherwise, go on over to /r/funny. Thanks. P.S. Yes, this is a "throwaway" account. Friends and family know my regular Reddit account and I wanted this to be as anonymous as possible. Some of OOP's Comments: Editor's note: I included a fair amount of full comments on this one because I found it fascinating how internet culture has changed and yet also stayed the same in the last 16 years. All comments included were upvoted. Reaching out to the website directly: I should have mentioned this already, but I already did contact them. It was the first thing I did. They never replied to my e-mails and the pictures are still up on both sites. I guess I could go the distance and contact the authorities, but for all I know these sites are run in foreign countries (I'm in the USA). Besides, would it really help that much? If her pics are yanked from one site or the other, you just know they'll end up on a third. I'm more concerned with the why of "Julie" wanting to post them in the first place than I am in the why of sites wanting to host them. Because that last question is easy: my sister is hot. It feels sort of creepy to say that, but it's true. Ugh. Top Commenter: The reason she's behaving like this is probably because of her rape incident. Rape either causes you to shut down sexually or it causes you to go into overdrive, and it sounds like your sister is doing the latter. Why? It's not an attention thing so much as it is confusion about having control over one's own body. Doing this allows her to expose herself in an unhealthy way, yes, but all the same, by her own volition. This is an empowering sense for a woman who has been raped. (that doesn't mean that it's ok or justified. That's just what's happening). I have actually survived rape, and I didn't go down this path, but I did go down a pretty promiscuous one (which I have now overcome). My older brother heard the stories and talked to me about it, plain and simple. Knowing that my brother cared about me, and that I was worth something more than my sexuality, probably saved me from a lot of hurt. Point being: you talking to her about it is awkward, yes, and she may deflect. But starting out a conversation with her is important, because you're in a position to save her from a lot of pain. "Hey, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute. Listen, I really love you, and so I was worried when I came across these pictures of you on the internet the other night. Your sex life isn't my business, but all the same, I'm here to talk to you, should you ever need anyone." OOP: That's all great advice, and thanks for it. But what if she freaks out that I saw one of her NSFW pics? I can just seeing her totally freaking, no matter how I tell her about it. Hmm. Maybe I could just lie and tell her that a random friend of mine told me about them? There's always the chance she'll lie and tell me he's wrong but that might, might be a good workaround. Thoughts? Editor's note: Most commenters told OOP he should absolutely NOT lie to his sister about who found it Commenter: Okay, former teenage girl here. She's probably just being a moron and experimenting with her sexuality in a dumbass way; I saw a lot of my friends do that sort of thing. Not videos, so much, but photos or chatting with Too Old Guys who did the whole slut thing. So, first off, don't freak too badly. Freak a little, but this doesn't mean she's going to grow up and have crack babies. She'll probably just grow up and be a little bemused as to why the fuck she did that. Second of all, talk to her. I'm not sure what the fuck you say; I know I could tell my little sister that I saw her photo and WTF was she thinking? The internet is forever! Find better ways to test sexual boundaries. But I'm not an older brother, so you're going to have to judge on this one. Would you talk to her about sex/porn (and not in a creepy way, obviously, in a mentor way)? If so, I think you could probably bring it up (you need to bring it up, obviously). It also wouldn't hurt to bring in a female friend, if you got one you trust and one she looks up to, to drive home the point that there are better ways to get male attention/play with sexuality and boundaries/ect than this. If you want, I can try to recreate the speech I gave my sister about this sort of shit (on calling yourself a slut/letting other people do it/naked photos/ect) so you have talking points. You know your parents and it if would be best to involve them. I know I'd tell my mom, but she'd be as cool with it as a mom could be and my sister would never be able to get on the internet again and be forced to talk about why she was doing it with a therapist, not put away. edit: And with the rape thing; I bet on some level she's trying to regain control. This is her body and her choice, you know? edit edit: And this has nothing to do with her being 16. Until my sister hit about 19 or so, I'd still talk to her, and maybe even rat her out to mom. OOP: That's all good advice. Damn, Reddit is awesome. A couple thoughts: maybe I didn't make this clear in my original post, but let me be plain. If I tell our parents about this my sister will be sent back to the "hospital". That might be for the best, in truth, but I don't want to be the cause of it. "Julie" has never told me exactly why, but she's said that her last time there (she's been there twice) was the worst experience of her life. One of the most heart-wrenching moments of my life was seeing her after a three week stay about a year ago. She cried in my arms about it. I won't and can't do anything to cause such an experience again for her. Period. So I have to keep our parents in the dark. I'm starting to realize, though, that I do need to talk to her. Hell, maybe I should just tell her to post her concerns/worries/etc to Reddit. Commenter: I know this won't be a popular response, but don't worry about it so much. I did this when I was sixteen, too. It made me feel pretty, and wanted, at a time when I was feeling very awkward. I was also the victim of sexual violence at a young age and had severe body issues for a long time. Being naked on the internet made me feel good! I was careful and made sure that my face and identifying things were never in the same picture as my nudity, though...but that's not a conversation you want to have with your sister lol. Needless to say, it didn't ruin my life or career and I'm not sorry I did it. OOP: Thanks for sharing, but that doesn't apply here... my sister is doing nothing to hide her identity (other than having a fake alias she uses to post). Again, what worries me the most is how horrible her "fans" treat her, and how she seems to embrace it. Let me put it to you this way: if I'd run across a pic of her without any context, just a random nude pic of my little sister, I'd have felt embarrassed, would have erased the file, and forgotten about it. This isn't the case here, though. She is actively communicating with freaky douchebags on at least two image boards and doing what they ask her to do. And it's all horrible. Commenter: "I decided it was time to look for some porn." ... "I already knew she spent a lot of time online but I had no idea she was spending it by pandering to anonymous internet-perverts on an image/message board!" What does that make you, sir? You do realize that a lot of girls you were going to fap to have brothers, don't you? OOP: Three things. First: I am not a saint. I do look for porn on the Internet and I don't blame others who do the same thing. I'm not judging them at all. The ones I am judging, though, are the ones who actively post messages to her and call her all sorts of filthy names and try, apparently, to get her to go further with each new post. I have never, ever done that. I've posted comments on similar message boards, sure, but I've never called the woman in question a "whore" or "slut" or told her to "get back at daddy by doing [this and that]" (that's paraphrasing a real reply to one of her posts, btw). In other words, yes, I'm a perv in as much as I like viewing porn online. I am not, however, the type of scumbag who tries and revels in demeaning others. If a hot woman wants to post pix of herself, great. I'm not going to ask her to do something particularly degrading and then call her a depraved slut for complying afterward. As sick as my mind can sometimes get, it gets offended (not aroused) by shit like that. Second: Yes, she does look legal. About a year ago she briefly started smoking and when our parents busted her and asked how she got them, she said she just bought them herself. In other words, she doesn't get ID'd for smokes. She looks 18. But that doesn't matter: she isn't 18. Not by a long shot. Third: Yes, I realize now that a lot of the girls I have fapped to have brothers. Ever since discovering this pic of my sis I've really, really had no desire to look at other porn. But that's a discussion for a whole other posting (i.e. "Hey Reddit, I can't fap anymore to online porn. What to do?"). Commenter: "why would a girl behave so differently online?" You seriously think your sister is the ONLY girl who posts naked photos of herself who isn't actually a giant slut? I find it funny that you were looking for porn and that was perfectly ok UNTIL you saw your sister. All those other, RANDOM girls are perfectly ok to be naked because they're anonymous sluts, but THIS one is your sister so she's special. I also like how--again--YOU were looking for porn and that's perfectly ok, but all these guys who look at your sister are "internet perverts". Sanctimonious much? OOP: "I also like how--again--YOU were looking for porn and that's perfectly ok, but all these guys who look at your sister are "internet perverts"." That is such a bullshit argument. I never said that it was "perfectly okay" for me to look for porn, first of all, and I never distinguished myself as being any better than the others who do the same. I am an internet perv; I don't see anything wrong with that. But the guys I'm talking about are doing a hell of a lot more than simply looking for pictures and movies of attractive women to fap to. The guys I'm talking about have actively encouraged her to do all sorts of degrading things. And how do they reward her? By calling her all sorts of filthy names and demanding more. I have never done that, and never would. How a guy could get off on insulting and belittling a young woman (much less a 16-year-old which, I admit, my sister does not look so I don't blame these men for not knowing) is beyond me. It's disgusting, it's wrong, and guess what, gentlemen? There is a line between "causal perving" and "actively being disgusting". Editor's Side Note: I found this comment interesting: Draiko: You should know that by 2020, there will be at least one naked picture of everyone in the entire civilized world on the internet. Update Post: October 11, 2009 (8 days later) Title: So my kid sister was put in a mental hospital by our parents and it's my fault. Advice, thoughts? I feel really bad about this and I figured I'd tell Reddit my tale in the hopes of receiving more advice and/or being cheered up. I ended up confronting my sister two days after making the original post about her here on Reddit. I used a lot of the good advice I received from that post and brought up finding the pictures in an open/caring way; warning her that she could get in huge trouble (underage porn); telling her that I was there for her and I loved her and she could always talk to me about anything. She responded coldly but didn't freak out. She just wanted to know if I was going to tell our parents. I said I wouldn't if she promised to stop posting. She agreed. It was a very tense conversation but I tried my best to come across as understanding and caring. I never raised my voice, I never called her stupid or anything like that for what she was doing, etc. The next day she contronted me and boy was she pissed. She told me I was a jerk and a pervert, that I wasn't her father and couldn't control her, that no one could tell her what to do, etc. It was a typical manic/teenage blowup. I've never see her so angry at me before. She wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise and she went on to say crazy stuff about how if I told on her she'd get one of her "online boyfriends" to beat me up. I decided right away what I needed to do and I almost posted about it here on Reddit but my guilty conscience kept me from doing so. That night, while she was out with her friends, I went on her computer and was able to find all her Google Talk chat records. She wasn't logged into her GMail account but she had her browser (IE, eww!) set to log her in automatically. I felt really guilty doing this but after her tirade I became convinced she must be off her meds-- her confrontation with me was a classic mania-episode-- and I wanted to know what she was up to. I told myself I'd look once and if I found nothing more worrisome than what I was already aware of I'd stop spying on her and consider talking to her again when she calmed down. Unfortunately what I found was very worrisome. The situation was much, much worse than I'd ever imagined. I found a chat she had with someone who she obviously met through one of those forums she was posting on; a search for his e-mail addy in her GMail account showed hundreds of chats and e-mails with this man dating back to early Spring. I read a few of their recent chats and discovered that she was planning on meeting him at the end of the month. Apparently a concert I'd known she was supposed to be going to with a RL-friend was just a cover for hooking up with this guy at a nearby motel (he even sent her a ticket, so he had her real mailing address, to complete the facade... that concert-ticket has been hanging on our fridge for about a week). Based on their most recent chats it was clear she's been talking to this douchebag on the phone, too (or maybe over Skype). There were gaps in their chats which made them confusing. What I was able to deduce, though, was that this guy is married with three kids (one in college) so he's definitely way too old for my 16-year-old sister. He knows her age, too, because she chatted a lot about high school with him. It also became clear to me that my sister has been very promiscuous with boys at school. She chatted with this Asshole about all these guys she's been with. Fuck. Oh, and guess how most of these chats with my sister started? Him messaging her and saying, "Hey, little slut, how goes it?". Nice guy, huh? Even more disturbing than all that was the fact that she kept referring to her "other online boyfriends" in chats with this prick. She chatted extensively about one guy she allegedly met (and who Asshole apparently knew from the board) who apparently hit her while they had sex, chipping her tooth. I remember her chipped tooth: she had to get it fixed back in July and she'd told all of us it was from taking a fall off her bike. Unfortunately, I think she chats mostly by using YIM or AIM because in some of her chats with Asshole she said things like, "Lol, chatting with so-and-so from the board right now; he's thinking of flying out to meet me", stuff like that. I couldn't get into her YIM or AIM accounts. I'm glad I couldn't access her YIM or AIM accounts because what I read in her exchanges with Asshole were more than enough to worry me sick and make me literally want to cry. She talked a lot about her promiscuity at school and even with guys she'd already hooked up with from online; he, in turn, encouraged her to do even more. Fucker. Now, I have no idea how true any of her crazy stories to him were. Some of them seem really over the top and I hope to God they were just manic lies. But while at first I thought they were all bullshit, as I read more and more I became convinced that at least some were true. I stopped my snooping without hardly putting a dent in reading all that shit (I just couldn't stomach it) but I did print out the series of chats and e-mails with her plotting to meet Asshole at the motel. Thankfully they talked about it extensively online so there was all the proof: the address of the actual motel, long (and graphic) discussions about what they'd do to one another that night when they met; her thoughts about how easy it was too fool our parents; his thoughts about how easy it was to fool his wife that he'd be going out of town on business on a Friday; etc. There was no need to ask Reddit what I needed to do, now. The next day I told my dad that I needed to have dinner with him in private and I brought along my ill-gotten gains (the damning printed out chats and e-mails I'd violated my sister's trust to obtain) to the restaurant. He thought I needed to talk about how stressful this semester at college has been and instead I told him the whole story, from finding the pictures of her online to snooping on her computer and discovering all the other shit. My dad was really cool about it. He was obviously heartbroken and upset, but somehow he made it strangely easy to admit to him that I'd seen my sister naked and had been spying on her since. After laying the whole thing out to him he took a long break away from the table (presumably to use the bathroom, but I'm 95% sure he went outside for some air) and when he returned he told me through blurry eyes that he agreed with my assessment: that she was off her meds and clearly needed profressional help. To keep her close to home he grounded her the next day for skipping a class the previous week (he didn't want to tell her the real reason he was grounding her). Meanwhile he brought my mom in on the whole thing (I can only imagine what that conversation was like). He then contacted his lawyer: he so wanted to bust Asshole. Unfortunately the lawyer said she's technically old enough to "consent" to having sex in this state, and that there was no way to reveal Asshole has illegal pictures of her without also revealing to the cops that my sister had been committing a crime (posting underage pics of herself). His advice was to take away her computer and get her help. That's what happened yesterday: when my sister got home from school me, our parents, my dad's lawyer, and a counselor from the hospital they were putting her in greeted her in the living room. We did an intervention-style thing and I had to tell her why I was concerned about her in front of everyone, and basically confess that I was the reason she was being put in a hospital again. All she did was cry and shake and beg not to be put away, which made me cry while I spoke and after, too. She didn't seem mad at me but she became an emotional trainwreck only minutes after entering the house and realizing what was going on. I'm so worried she's going to hate me when she calms down enough to fully comprehend what I did. She's been in the hospital for a solid day, now, and me and my parents are supposed to go visit her tomorrow. I'll let you all know how that goes in exchange for one of two things: advice or attempts to make me feel better for what I did. Jesus Christ. You'll remember from my last post that she's been locked up before. She told me a long while back that that was the worst experience of her life and she cried the entire time she shared that experience with me. I begged my dad at that dinner meeting not to send her back to the same place (which sounded awful) and thankfully he took my advice and found her a "nicer" place (I haven't seen it yet, but my dad spent the time between that dinner I had with him and the actual lock-up researching such institutions; this one is a two-hour drive away but is supposed to specialize in adolescents). Even so, I feel like shit for being the reason she's getting locked up again. But I have no idea what I could have done differently. She did such a good job of hiding the fact that she was going through her manic-craziness again that I would never have suspected she was off her meds (oh, btw? She definitely was... she talked about flushing her pills every morning in some of those chats with Asshole. He, of course, encouraged that) if I hadn't stumbled across that pic of her on that forum and confronted her about it. Still, this is my sister I'm talking about. I love her and I do not want her to hate me. I feel like I stabbed her in the back by doing what I did. I keep thinking I could have done something different. Maybe I could have gotten through to her one-on-one. Maybe I didn't need to get our dad involved. Jesus. Reddit, please make me feel better. Advice for the future and accolades for doing the best thing are much appreciated. If you think I did wrong, though, I'm man enough to take that, too. Some of OOP's Comments: To a long, personal, top comment: Wow... it's so interesting. Reading that I thought to myself, "Thank God he called the cops and put his friend's well-being over his loyalty to that friend". When the shoe is on my foot I can't help but feel guilty that I "betrayed" my sister but reading about someone else's similar situation makes me realize that at the end of the day, doing the right thing, the best thing, just isn't always supposed to feel good. Thanks for the story. That really, really helped. I hope this comment gets more upmods. Commenter: There is no way that you can say that it was your fault. You're a good brother to her and always will be and you did the right thing. I hope this ends well, and it was one of the best possible outcomes that could have happened towards a good ending. Edit: I just read it through again in more detail and you're the best brother she could ever hope for. Honestly. OOP: Do you have siblings? There's this sort of trust between siblings, I've always felt: I'll watch your back if you watch mine. And that's why I feel so bad. I didn't watch her back. I freaked out and basically, because of me, she's been committed to a fucking hospital. I have no idea how I could have handled it better but I still feel awful. I'm the Big Brother. I'm supposed to be smart enough to figure out how to help her without getting her locked up. I guess I'm just not as smart as I thought I was. Commenter: As bad as you feel, I think you did the right thing. I think this is a situation where a professional could be helpful. Just remember that you did it for her own good. OOP: I hope so. I'm a hard-core atheist but I find myself praying to God that you're right. //edit: Funny how God shows up in my posts (this is a throwaway account, but in my real one he does the same thing) whenever I'm desperate. 15-years of Sunday school leaves its mark. Commenter: It's really hard to say what the "right" thing to do is in a situation like this. But she definitely needed an intervention of some sort and was clearly not in any position to help herself, so you weren't left with many choices. Hopefully with time, she'll understand the situation from a healthier/positive perspective. hug OOP: I want to agree with you but I keep thinking: aren't there always other options? Other choices? I've believed that my entire life. This was the first time I ever did anything I was horribly against because I was too dumb to find that other option or choice. Commenter: You did well. The mental scene I can't help but picture is your dad kind of thinking, "That's my boy, browsing porn!" in the back of his head at some point... OOP: Honestly? He was so cool during that conversation that admitting that part wasn't really all that awkward... in retrospect, yeah, that should have been hugely embarrassing, though. Commenter: I'm sure it took some effort on this part to conceal his emotion given the enormity of the situation. That's the great thing about being a dad: you always have to be the "rock" and never show emotion. Also, excellent decision on talking to your dad one on one. Your mother, if she's like 99% of other mothers in the world, would have freaked out right there in the restaurant. It really sounds like you did everything right, bro. Good job. OOP: Without getting too specific, let me just say: there was absolutely no way I would have been able to tell my mom about this. I can't speak for other mothers, but I can say that mine would likely have feinted. My dad knows how to deal with her delicate sensibility a LOT better than I do, so I let him. Quick aside: when I was fifteen I asked her, on behalf of my girlfriend, how one goes about getting on The Pill. Her reaction? She feinted. Literally. Update Post: December 30, 2009 (1.5 months later) Title: Update: My sister is now out of the hospital and the best Christmas gift of all? She doesn't hate me. Reddit was right once again. [recap removed for space] Okay, so my little sister ("Julie") was in the hospital for almost two months. During that time she refused to see me. My mom, my dad, even two uncles and one aunt? She saw them at visits. But she refused to see me. I was convinced the entire time that the reason she didn't want to see me was that she hated me. I must have re-read my second post about this a hundred times, just to re-enforce my belief that I had done the right thing by telling our dad about the situation. Believe me, the comments in that second post really did sustain me. I've never loved Reddit so much as I have during some of the worst sleepless nights I've gone through, nights where I felt like the shittiest brother ever. Reading your assurances that I had done the right thing really helped me get along through this very difficult time. We were told two weeks ago that she was scheduled to be released on the 21st of December. This had nothing to do with money or insurance (my parents were paying out of pocket for her stay there but cost was never an issue). Apparently she has adjusted well to her new medications and is in much better, more sober state of mind now. I was thrilled to learn she'd be home for Christmas. I dreaded seeing her only because I have not seen her since the "intervention" that led to her being hospitalized in the first place. I was so worried she hated me that I even told my mom, upon hearing the news of her release, that I would gladly crash at my friend's house for a while. My mom's response? "Are you crazy? She wants you to be the one to pick her up!" ... Sorry, I still get teary-eyed when I remember that. So it turns out that the reason my sister didn't want to see me that entire time (two months!) was that she was embarrassed. She didn't mind seeing our parents or our uncles and aunt but she just couldn't handle seeing me. She felt like she'd let me down or something. I drove nearly 2.5 hours out to the hospital last Monday (only the second time I'd ever been there), alone, and greeted her in the reception area. She literally ran over and jumped into my arms when she saw me. I cried like a baby, Reddit, and I'm not embarrassed to admit as much. We talked a ton during the drive home. She has a much firmer grasp on her condition, now, then she did before. Best of all, and Reddit was right about this, she does not hate me for "turning her in". She's healthy. She's safe. She's on medications to deal with her Bipolar disorder. And she actually thanked me for intervening before she did something stupid, like meeting up with that one guy (aka "Asshole"). I worried so much, for so long, for nothing. My little sister still loves me. And I did do the right thing. Thank you, Reddit, for all of your thoughts and comments during this time. I've been feeling miserable for so long, because of all this, but your thoughtful comments and suggestions helped me from going into despair. This is why I love this site. Thank you again. /edit A few things. First, to all of you well-wishers, thank you so much for the kind words and good wishes. They mean so much to me you have no idea. Second, to the anti-meds crowd? Get a job. Sure, meds are sometimes over-prescribed. I won't argue that. But my sister didn't have an "episode" or a "temper tantrum" that was misdiagnosed as Bipolar Type I Disorder. While I'm sure that happens sometimes, you are in absolutely no position to gauge what my sister was going through. You don't know her, but I do, and trust me the girl who was posting those long, crazy messages on those image boards? The girl who confronted me and threatened me with all kinds of crazy nonsense the day after I talked to her? The girl, in short, who was off her medications? That was not my sister. That was my sister in a manic episode. If you have to ask the what the difference is between a manic episode and typical teenage angst/temper, you've never seen one. I hope you never have to, too, because they are scary. Scary scary. Sorry, I didn't mean to go on a tirade about that. It's just... frustrating to read some of the holier-than-thou, "you do realize Bipolar is the ADD of the 2000's, right?" type of messages this post has garnered. So fucking annoying. Go give L. Ron Hubbard some money but STFU on this post, please. Again I'm sorry. The vast majority of the responses here have been so supportive and uplifting, but the few trolls who managed to get a bunch of upmods for being contrarian did sort of piss me off. Done being angry, Reddit. Oh, as for her long term care? She's going to be in IOP (Intensive Out Patient) for the foreseeable future. That means, starting in January, daily visits to a local clinic where she'll receive both group and individual therapy. She's also going to see the psychiatrist she took a huge liking to at the hospital once a month until she finds a new doctor to replace her. She's fine with all this, and is actually excited about it. She has this journal she keeps showing me that she writes in when she starts to feel "unbalanced". She says it's like her own private "group therapy" but she can't wait to be in the real thing again. Our dad took away her computer but he set it up in the living room, right next to the television set, and she's free to use it whenever she wants. She has absolutely no privacy on it but she seems to be okay with that. I think the biggest test will be when she goes back to school. She lost an entire semester because of her hospitalization and she'll be needing to go to summer school to make up for it and while she says she's fine with that, I know it sort of bums her out. Plus, school is usually a "trigger" (so I've noticed) for her bad depressive and manic periods. But I really believe she's ready this time. I've never seen her so strong and resolved to handle her condition as she appears right now. Well, that's it. This is most likely the last ever thing I type using this account. As I mentioned in my original post, I have a real Reddit account that I often use and I simply created this one for this particular issue. I am very glad that I did, too. Reddit came through for me in a big way. I hope that others out there who are in any kind of strange/heart-breaking/etc. type of situation look to this experience and find inspiration to share their own story, whatever it is. The trolls and the assholes try to grind us down but Reddit is good at fighting back. I so fucking love this place. I love you all... yes, even the trolls and the assholes. Adieu, adieu from blind-with-worry. edit the last Okay forgot to mention... as to the Asshole: Believe me, like most of you, I want to go after this prick. I really do. I actually had a huge argument with my father about this about a month ago. When I calmed down, though, I realized that the legal advice he was getting was correct: fanning flames risks spreading fire. What my sister needs now, what our family needs now, is time to heal. Would it feel good to crush that motherfucker? Sure. Would it draw everything out, though? Definitely. That would not be a good thing. Sometimes what feels good is actually bad or at the very least can make a situation worse than it already is. Let me put it like this. Say I posted his Gmail username here. And Reddit went to town crushing him in all sorts of ways. So he decides, "Heck, that bitch ratted on me. I'll show her!" and he ends up reposting the obviously self-shot images to every site and image-board, maybe even here on Reddit. Not only would that humiliate her but it might have legal ramifications for her. What's done is done. Trust me, I know it's a bitter pill to swallow. I'd like nothing better than to meet this asshole someday and do things to him that would get me 20-life in a state prison. But when you think on it logically, what good does that do for my sister? For myself? For my family? As tempting as it is to send his wife an anonymous letter, too, there's just one problem... I don't have his address. In short, I'm just going to have to leave my revenge fantasies to my imagination and Tarantino movies. This asshole/douchebag will likely slit his own throat one of these days anyway. In the meantime, no fanning the flames. Doing so spreads fires. and those are the final words, I swear this time, of blind-with-worry submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

Told my wife (F35) that she couldn’t do it without me (M34). Turns out she can. (New Update) I am not The OOP, OOP is u/get-a-lifee Told my wife (F35) that she couldn’t do it without me (M34). Turns out she can. Originally posted to r/amiwrong & r/relationship_advice Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/PitaEnigma for suggesting this BoRU Thanks to u/LadyNorbert for finding the update BoRU 1 TRIGGER WARNING: spousal neglect, deadbeat parent Am I wrong in this fight? Jan 17, 2024 My wife and I don’t fight much. And when we do fight, we usually communicate well afterwards and things go back to normal. I brag to my friends about how reasonable my wife is and her ability to communicate and empathize is something I deeply admire. She doesn’t hold grudges. She talks me through my rough times. Until now. Due to a fire, my wife is out of work but still earning her salary (thanks insurance). We decided she would stay home with our young son while out of work. She doesn’t love child rearing, which is something we knew going into having kids. Honestly, it’s hard to tell. She’s a great mom. Present and loving even when I can see she’s struggling inside. I give my wife a lot of breaks. We co parent. Split bedtime routines for our two kids. We both pull our weight. Yesterday was a snow day. My daughter was home with my wife and son. I was working from home downstairs all day. I helped my daughter with cyber school until noon. My wife was with my son in the snow all morning, plowing the drive and sidewalks etc. maintaining the house. My daughter joined them and from the sound of things and some videos, she brought her friends over for playing and hot chocolate. I worked until around 5:00 and when I went upstairs it was chaos. My wife was doing laundry and helping my daughter who fell and hurt herself on the ice. She sent home the friends and we had dinner. I did the clean up and right after finishing- keep in mind I’ve been downstairs working all day, not even a bathroom break after noon- I go into the play room and my wife approaches me. It goes like this Her- “Hey can I go lay down for a bit.” The maybe offense… I admit I made a face and said Me- “I haven’t gone to the bathroom all day and I put cookies in the oven.” I can tell I messed up just by the face she give me Her- “Fine. Never mind. Forget I asked. Heaven forbid.” Now I’m sensing some attitude and know I’ve misstepped here. So I say. Me- “no it’s fine I’ll take care of it all. Go take a break.” To my complete shock, in front of our kids who I admit aren’t paying us much attention, but are still close my wife says. “I said never fucking mind. I’ve been running around on my feet all day watching our kids and other people’s kids and heaven fucking forbid I ask for twenty minutes to myself.” I again say “Go take a break! I told you it was fine.” But she’s clearly lost her marbles and is seeing red. She starts cleaning up and helping with the kids and I do too. I tried to overcompensate but she just took over caring for them and they listened to he In the hall I said “I think you forget I work all day.” And she viciously says. Her- “thanks for reminding me. I almost forgot.” I feel like an ass. I get that she works hard caring for the kids but I work hard too. I think not having her job and escape is making her reaction to this fight worse. She texted me the next day with her usual communication. She expressed how upset she felt with my behavior and the way I acted toward her. She said she was feeding and taking care of six kids all day in the snow alone and still cleaned the entire house and deep cleaned our craft room. I explained that I’m stressed at work and that I didn’t get why she’s so upset since I offered her a break but she said “I don’t want your pity breaks” She ended it with “thanks for the apology btw.” Which yeah, I didn’t exactly apologize but for what? And then she asked for the number to my daughters piano teacher. The piano teacher was the only activity that I manage for my kids. I found out she text her asking to go through my wife from now on as she will be managing the schedule. Normally my wife would text me asking if I can get my daughter from dance on my way home yesterday. I do this every week. I didn’t hear anything and when I got home I found out my wife dropped and picked her up. I confronted my wife with “I am very present with my children do not make me out to be an absent father.” My wife responded with “if I didn’t manage and ask you for help, you’d see them a quarter of the time you do now. And I’m done managing you.” I get it. I should have just smiled and agreed when she asked for help but this is extreme. She’s having a fit and trying to ice me out of my relationship with my kids. It’s so petty. It’s like I don’t even know this woman. Gone is the reasonable level headed communicator. So if you’ve made it this far thank you. And please please tell me if I’m wrong here. RELEVANT COMMENTS OOP on being told his wife is stressed Thanks for the response. Her reaction is so out of left field. She really is usually the most reasonable person I know. It’s been stressful for her and I admit I’m also so stressed at my job that I didn’t see it. I figured a few months off paid would be a luxury. But yeah, now I see having six kids and a toddler alone all day might be as luxurious as a barrel of hair. Guess it’s my turn to be the empathetic reasonable one. She’s done it enough for the both of us. OOP on being told to take the initiative and give the wife a break You are 100% right. I normally do say that. She asks me for a break at least three times a week to take a bath or go read and I almost always immediately say yes. It was just an off moment and I know I reacted poorly but she’s completely trying to ice me out. I had to argue with her this morning just to let me take my kid to school because “she said she’d do it.” And the kids just went along clinging to her and then when I pushed back my kid started crying for her. She had to calm him down and insist going with dad is fun just to undo what she did. He was fine with going with me but it’s messy and so unnecessary. I am scared with her behavior. I love my wife and I don’t want to push her away. OOP on his wife's schedule My wife has two days during the week without my son or daughter. She’s been painting the house and deep cleaning. My son is gone from 8-2 and my daughter 9-3 Monday and Friday both. I think the snow day broke her but hopefully she’ll come around and be sensible. I’ve never known her to ice me out or stop communicating and it’s freaking me out. It’s a little bit why I think there is more to this fight. Told my wife (F35) that she couldn’t do it without me (M34). Turns out she can. Jan 26, 2024 I made one stupid selfish comment to my wife a week or so ago and now my life is in disarray. My wife is in some crisis. Her work is closed and she’s being paid, but she’s home with our kids now, including one 3 year old. She gets breaks on Monday and Friday with childcare. We went into having kids knowing she wanted to be a working mother. So this has been an adjustment… to say the least. Onto the OG fight. She spent a long day with our kids and the neighboring kids, and when I came upstairs from work and she asked for a break, I didn’t respond well. I made excuses and didn’t offer help and for the first time in years my wife lost her temper and cursed at me. Like an idiot I dug in and thought I was right. I admit we both said some unkind things. But after reddit humbled me and she made me sit down and write a list of things I did for the family that day and compared it with her… longer list, I apologized. She accepted and I figured things would go back to normal. They haven’t. My wife used to include me in parenting our kids. I did dance pick up most weeks and bedtime was split. I gave baths. Made dinner. All the stuff. Since our fight, my wife hasn’t asked me for any help with the kids. The first morning I woke up on what was supposed to be my morning with the kids, I figured she was just being nice or trying to prove a point but it keeps happening. She didn’t even send them down to say good night last night. Normally my wife does this silly game where she sends my son to ask me to read 5 books and then we would negotiate down to 1 or 2 and race upstairs. Last night I heard her racing him and came up to find her doing bedtime yet again. The kids haven’t even noticed. It’s like she’s replacing me. When we were fighting I said something really really dumb that’s living inside me and festering. My wife was being nasty and said “you wouldn’t see the kids a quarter as much as you do if I didn’t arrange it and I’m done managing you.” I defended myself, I’m not an absent parent- and said something along the lines of “I’d like to see how long you can manage without me.” Consider my foot officially in my mouth. She’s started running again. She’s cooking really healthy and often. Every night I come home to my perfectly happy stepford wife, doing it all without me and I feel empty inside. How do I fix this? I don’t even know where to begin… at this point I want to beg her to go back to how things were. This wasn’t what we agreed on. RELEVANT COMMENTS UsuallyWrite2 I dunno…step up? Get involved without her organizing it or instructing you? Are you really this daft? OOP It’s difficult when they prefer her and she seems to do everything better then me. I work often as well. It helps to have her give me a heads up on the plan with the kids but I’m getting now that maybe that’s done and over with. LadyKlepsydra But he doesn't know what to dooo ;___; If she doesn't send the kid to him with an instruction of what books, and how many, are to be read, HOW is he supposed to know what to doooo? ;.; OP, that wasn't a silly game. That was a woman noticing you are never going to just go read your own kid a book, so she made it into a "game" for the child, so the child doesn't have to watch his mom come over to dad and say "please read him a book, for the love of god please!". Because that would give the kid an inkling that you are not doing it out of your own free will, and if not instructed, you would not do it ever, and that could be upsetting. OOP Ok. I admit. This hit me hard. Fuck man. Do you really think that’s what the game is? I hate that it makes sense to me OOP once again told to do more I’m fucking confused, ok? I had this perfect life with an amazing successful wife and a great job. We juggled two careers and two kids like champions, always communicating who is where, doing what activity. Working together to manage the American dream of doing it all. Then my wife’s job burns down and she’s home all the time doing everything. She gets stressed and we fight and now she’s totally different. Idgaf about warm meals and a stepford wife, I want MY wife. My partner. My teammate. And yes my FUCKING manager back! She was amazing. And now I managed to fuck it up like always by sticking my foot in my mouth. She’s still perfect only now I KNOW she’s not doing what she wants and that I have failed her in some way that seems to have broken her. Or maybe fixed her. Idk. Like I said. I’m confused and apparently an idiot. OOP when asked if maybe his wife wants an equal partner You won’t believe me anyways. I’ve been with my wife since we were kids- 15/16. I know this woman. She LOVED doing it all and she was amazing at it. She always bragged about being a working mom but she never put down woman that stayed home. Her mother was a stay at home mom that got married super young. My wife didn’t want that life. We used to joke about her earning more then me so I could stay home. She never complained about the kids schedule either. She did drop offs at daycare and I did pick ups. We had a rhythm and flow. I think not being home during the day with them made her soak in the time at night more than maybe I did. Idk. But I honestly think she was happy. OOP again explains his wife's work schedule My wife works with animals and makes her own schedule. She can schedule days off whenever so she is more flexible. She is home to take the kids into daycare and then I would pick them up and drop them at my moms and my wife would get them around 4. She does not need to work. I pay the majority of the bills. My wife’s job earns less, but that doesn’t make it less worthy. She actually effects the world. I just type at the computer all day and deal with air emissions. My wife works to pay for daycare. It’s her “big” expense. I do mortgage and everything else. She also uses her money to buy stuff. She has full access to my account and often transfers money when low. I do not have access to her account. It’s a personal boundary of my wives that she always have her own private money. I don’t need or want that myself so she manages most of the finances. My wife has traumas around being “stuck” as a homemaker and baby maker. OOP ADDS TO EDITS TO POST Edit: Fuck guys I get it. I’m a piece of shit. I’m going to make this right. Edit 2: thank you to the handful of people that reached out with advice. Believe it or not, I do want to be a good father and husband. I’ve royally fucked up and I see that and fully admit it. This is going to be my only edit and then I’m going to get off my phone for a while and focus my attention on my family. My wife had dinner cooked when I got home. Everything is fine between us so there wasn’t any tension. After we cleaned up I went upstairs and ran my wife a bath, put Taylor swift on her Alexa and lit a few candles. I told her to go relax upstairs for the night. She was surprised but smiled and went on her way. I’m currently on the toilet watching my kids take a bathe. People mentioned love bombing etc. but I’m just trying anything I can to show her I do appreciate and love her and our family and I want to be a present father. I’m going to do bedtime tonight and probably all next week. I’ll tell her she does so much during the day and deserves the break because it’s the truth. I get that I come off as an asshole. I grew up in a not great situation and didn’t have the best role models growing up. I’m terrified of my children not having enough and I overcompensate by working too much. This new job came with a big pay increase but the hours are longer and I feel like I can never keep up. I’ve reached out to a few recruiters tonight. I used to love my job and was always home by 4:30. Even if it means taking the lost income, I’m thinking about going back. Relationships are hard. And humans aren’t perfect. For all the people telling me my kids don’t love me and I’m a waste of space, idk guys, just remember I’m an actual person. That shits rough. Anyways that’s all I have for you folks. I need to watch these kiddos and start planning out my long road of groveling and reconnecting. Thanks all! OOP ADDED COMMENTS AFTER THE BORU WAS POSTED * Comment 1 Back on after a while and I see this comment right away. Thanks for asking. The update is slow moving. My wife and I had a few nights of talking and crying that have helped make us stronger. I know everyone hates me but I DO love my wife and had she ever expressed an unequal workload before this fight I would have put effort into learning about it and fixing it. As it stands, we agreed to therapy. My wife feelings like her reaction to our fight was out of her norm and wants to start her own therapy to help. I fully support that! I also do weekly therapy and find it helpful. Boy was this week fun for my therapist…. Anyways I looked deep into weaponized incompetence and unequal mental workloads and have come to realize I’m essentially another head to manage for my wife. We agreed to be partners in this life and somewhere along the line I lost that thread. She still claims she wants to manage our schedules but I don’t want to be that husband or father. I have always thought my wife was amazing and looked up to her WWAD (what would wife’s name do) is my motto. I want to be more like her so I need to learn how to manage myself and my time and my kids time without her help. I’ve asked to take on the parenting responsibilities 100%. I didn’t realize she needed to do so much shit. It’s been eye opening. Idk how long we will keep this up either. My wife isn’t the biggest fan of handing over the reigns. Reddits hate has lit a fire under my ass. Having so many outside people looking into the situation and simultaneously getting the ick from me has been humbling. Comment 2 I think I’m going to go with what my wife and I decided in terms of deciding what’s realistic or sincere. I wanted to see what it felt like to be 100% in control of everyone’s schedule and making sure to take care of it. It’s incredibly difficult to constantly be reminding myself of the time and who needs what and when but it’s also been humbling and rewarding. We both know it won’t last forever and we will get back to finding our new healthy medium. Things won’t go back to before and they won’t stay like this forever. But for now, I’m taking over doctors and school duty and when we sign up my son for kindergarten next year I’ll be doing all the work for that and making sure I’m fully involved in the things I missed with my daughter. I’m going to be a better dad and that’s just final. NEW UPDATE * OOP updated in the original post Feb 18, 2024 Update: 2/18 It’s been a minute since I bothered with Reddit, but when I logged in it seems some people care for an update. It’s not exciting. I’ve taken a lot of time to really LOOK at the man I’ve become. My wife and I are 100% back to being a team, but I’ve realized I wasn’t stepping up the way I always wanted to. I promised my wife a partnership and even though it’s been a month or so since our fight and my wife keeps asking me to “forget it happened”, I can’t. My therapist is helping me sort through my overthinking. My wife started therapy b/c of the stress losing her work (temporarily) and staying home has caused. Her issues appear to stem from feeling “useless” without bringing in a paycheck and was taking on too many tasks at home to overcompensate. She doesn’t feel like she deserves breaks and when she takes them she feels awful about herself and like she’s ‘lazy’. Coming from the LEAST lazy person I know, I can tell she’s struggling. And I’ve been supporting her the best I can. I often make sure she knows I think she deserves breaks. So when I see her hyper fixating on cleaning the floorboards I intervene gently by reminding her that this doesn’t need doing right now but that I will finish it for her while she does me a favor and takes a little break. Sometimes it works and other times she tells me to “stop fussing and leave her to work” and I do. It’s been working well and I don’t mind the extra work for the peace of mind it offers me. My wife is my everything and her happiness is paramount. My kids are mostly clueless to all this. We don’t involve them. And I must say, I made a throwaway comment about my wife not loving child rearing and received a lot of nasty comments about not having kids we don’t want. I’m weary to dignify this with a response but will say what I meant was that we agreed before having children that my wife would not be the sole support system for them and that she would never feel obligated to quit working. My wife is fiercely independent due to her past and a big part of her comfort in our relationship comes from her ability to leave it safely if she ever needed to. That trauma is hers and I won’t touch more on it other then to say I agreed to this aspect before we married and do not mind it. She SHOULD be an independent person. I’d want the same for my kids. So that’s basically it. I’ve taking on the role as primary parent. I get my kids to daycare/school and home and while my wife helps half the time, it’s now my responsibility to see who is doing what and coordinate things. I can’t do it all in my head like her but i have a chart that’s been helping. She rebelled at first but gave up the reigns surprisingly easily. She needed a break. I also put my son back in full time daycare although my wife keeps springing him early, I can tell she likes the break. That’s all I have for now. Thanks guys and sorry it’s not more dramatic. I know some of y’all wanted my balls and were hopeful my wife would leave me. While I would be lost without her and the thought makes me physically ill, it’s nice to see people appreciating my wife the way she deserves and stand up for her so fiercely. Thanks all! One last thing: I bought her this game PalWorld on the computer. She hasn’t gamed since having kids b/c of some pre-conceived conclusion it made her a bad parent but I insisted she spend a few hours and since I’d spent money, she did. I find her playing a lot to wind down when the day is over. It seems to be helping her feel more herself too. So thanks video games! I’ll stand for a lot of assumptions on my character- and boy have there been some nasty ones- but one thing I won’t take is people saying I don’t love my wife. She’s my person and it is my duty in life to make her happy. OOP Updated after the BoRU Thanks to u/KatLikeTendencies for finding the newest update Evolving.. Aug 4, 2025 I say evolving because I can’t say I’ve changed. It’s not been long enough for that. I posted a while ago on Reddit to vent. I was angry about a fight I’d had with my wife about something stupid I’d done. I’ll be honest, it was multiple stupid things. After a lot of… strong opinions on here and some heavy reflecting (I didn’t even know my kids doctors name) I had a perspective shift. I decided I wanted to be more involved. More of the primary parent. My wife agreed so start handing me the reigns starting with registering our son for kindergarten and all of my daughters activities. I work from home and am flexible and honestly enjoy being the one to get my kids on and off the bus. Now, I am the one they call when the kids are sick. Even when they do bother my wife she will call me because I’m closer and I’m free now. I am home room parent for my son this year. Bring the office ladies eggs. Got the background checks for volunteering. Shark shop from 11:30-12:40 is a perfect way to spend my Tuesday lunch break. The kids still prefer mom sometimes, but wow has it made a huge difference. So… if you can, dads, be the primary. It’s worth every second. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/amethystpeony Originally posted to r/JustNoSO & r/relationship_advice My husband won't speak to me after finding out I'm pregnant. Trigger Warnings: neglect, mental health issues, emotional abuse/manipulation, suicidal ideation, mentions of abortion, severe depression Mood Spoilers: dark, sad, and frustrating Original Post: February 28, 2024 This was a very much planned pregnancy after dealing with infertility for a long time. However, despite dealing with "unexplained" infertility for so long, he always refused to get tested. He remained optimistic that we would get pregnant eventually. The thought of doing a semen analysis repulsed him so much it sent him into a downward spiral of self hatred and insecurity. Then, surprise! I got pregnant unassisted. This should be a really exciting time for us, but all of a sudden he doesn't want to be a dad. He says he wants a divorce so I can start over with someone else. He's already found a new place to live and is in the process of moving out. He won't speak to me. He won't answer any of my questions. I'm completely and utterly confused and heartbroken. Now, I know a lot of you will say he never wanted to be a dad. It sure seems that way. But he desperately wanted us to get pregnant when we were struggling. It was just the thought that something might be wrong with him that sent him into a spiral. I love my husband but he very clearly has some undiagnosed mental issues. He is not thinking/seeing clearly and some of the things he's been saying seem genuinely delusional. But he won't get help. He's stubborn as hell. You'd think he would know better because he's a doctor, but nope. He says he knows something is wrong with him but he doesn't care. He wants to disappear. I really, really want this baby. We're in our 30s and have been trying for so long. I'm afraid the stress of this will cause me to miscarry. That's probably what he wants. I don't understand why this is happening. How can you force someone to get help when he doesn't want to get better? How am I supposed to raise a child without him? I'm financially dependent on him because that was what we planned for. tl;dr My husband has gone off the deep end after finding out I'm pregnant and I don't know how to bring him back to reality and make him sane again. EDIT: After talking this through in the comments, it's becoming increasingly obvious to me that my husband is not mentally well. I didn't include his entire history in this post because I thought it best to keep it relevant to this specific situation. But he has had "episodes" like this before. I'm shocked it wasn't so obvious to me that something was wrong with him. I've suggested therapy in the past but he has had bad experiences and refuses to try again. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Is there any one is his family or maybe a friend that he listens to? OOP: Maybe his mom? He talks to his dad the most but I don't think they ever touch on anything deep or emotional... I don't think he'll talk to anyone about this. When I asked how he will explain our divorce to his family and friends, he simply said that he just won't tell them because it is none of their business and they don't need to know. ??? He genuinely seems borderline delusional if he believes he can just quietly divorce me without anyone knowing. Commenter 2: Is it possible he thinks you cheated? I’m absolutely, 100% not saying you did, but I have seen it happen to couples who fall pregnant after having long term fertility trouble that don’t go the IVF route. OOP: I honestly don't even think the thought crossed his mind. He definitely would have accused me/asked me if he thought I cheated. Now that you bring it up, I'm actually surprised he doesn't think this. It would fit perfectly with the thought patterns he does share with me. Was OOP's husband diagnosed as sterile? Counseling might be helpful for him to deal with his health issues OOP: No he was never diagnosed as anything because he refused to get a semen analysis. We've had a chemical pregnancy before, so he knows he can get me pregnant. Throughout our entire infertility process, he was always extremely confident and optimistic that it would happen eventually. He thought it was unnecessary that we do any testing. I would love for him to go to counseling. He needs it. But he's been mistreated by the mental health industry before so he no longer trusts therapists.   My husband won't speak to me after finding out I'm pregnant.: March 3, 2024 (three days later) Most of the comments on my last post were so helpful. They helped me see things about my husband and marriage that I didn't see before but were so obvious. Some people suggested that his behavior was abusive. It's not. I now know that he's severely mentally ill. After that post, a few days later he came to me and told me he wanted to kill himself. He made sure I knew that he had no plans to actually kill himself, just that he really wanted to die. The next day I reported his behavior to his employer. I really wish I had done it anonymously because I felt that they didn't take me seriously at all. I got the impression that they thought I was a scorned ex trying to enact revenge? Anyway, I have no idea what came of it, but at least I did my duty in reporting it. Now that my eyes have been opened, I've noticed a lot more erratic behavior coming from him, and it's true that he should not be treating patients in his state of mind. Some of you suggested that he never truly wanted a baby. This couldn't be further from the truth. The majority of the time, he is such a normal, kind, husband and he would speak so fondly of our future family. I truly believe that that is the real and true him, and that the man spiraling out in front of me is not who my husband really is. Anyway, not much has changed. He's actually still living with me but sleeping on the couch. Actually, I don't think he's doing much sleeping. I hear him up at all hours of the night. One night he came into bed with me and just held me. But the next morning it was like it had never happened. He's still adamant about the divorce but somehow thinks we can do it without telling anyone or involving lawyers. He also wants to create a dating profile for me and set me up with someone else so that I "can see that I'd be much better off with someone other than him." I of course told him no. He will not listen to me when I tell him I want to be with him. He brushes me off and says I'm not thinking clearly. He refuses therapy or medication. He says he doesn't want to feel better. He doesn't care that he's irrational and depressed. He simply doesn't care. He just doesn't want to get better. I'm still pregnant, and he still wants nothing to do with it. I'm so afraid I'm going to lose this pregnancy due to stress. I'm currently 5w2d. The chances that I will miscarry are still high and I'm dreading the day I find out that I've lost everything, my husband and my baby. I don't know what I would do. EDIT: I am getting so god damn frustrated with people in the comments who are telling me I'm not doing enough because I'm unable to get my husband involuntarily committed to a hospital. I HAVE ZERO CONTROL OVER THIS. I have spoken to a police officer as well as someone from the suicide hotline. A person can not be committed unless they are an immediate threat to themselves or others. And it does not matter what I tell them. He has only told me that he wants to kill himself, not that he plans on doing it. And I will not lie to the police. Additionally, even if I did lie, they will still speak to him and take his statement into account. And if they do not believe he is an immediate threat, they cannot do anything. If you're just going to chastise me for "not doing enough" aka not involuntarily committing my husband to a hospital, then please don't comment because, and I cannot stress this enough: There aren't any scenarios where a wife has the authority to commit their spouse involuntarily to the hospital. I fucking checked. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I think he is past the point of being able to make healthy decisions for himself, and needs to be seen by a doctor even if it is against his will. OOP: Unfortunately no one can be forced to see a doctor against their will unless they are actively a danger to themselves or others. He's allowed to have thoughts of wanting to kill himself. Intervention can only happen if he has given any indication that he will hurt himself. This is information given to me per the suicide hotline I chatted with the night he told me he wanted to kill himself. Commenter 2: OP, he really sounds like someone who is experiencing mania or psychosis. While these folks are generally not a danger to others, the fact that he wants to be dead and is erratic in his behavior tells me that it is possible he may attempt to harm himself in a moment of impulsivity. If his work won’t do anything, you may be able to call in a wellness check. Write down a list of the things you have heard him say and do. OOP: I spoke to the suicide hotline the night he told me he wanted to kill himself. I was told that technically anyone can call in a wellness check, but nothing can really be done unless he's an active threat to himself or others. If someone were to come do a wellness check on him, he knows exactly what to say to get them to back off. Commenter 3: Surely, there is a licensing board in your state you can report his behavior to? OOP: I guess I could do that. I'm not sure what I'd say. When I told his employer, they didn't really see the issue. They kind of made it seem like I shouldn't be airing out his dirty laundry, and told me that many doctors suffer from depression and that it's not a reason to keep them from practicing. When I tried to describe the unusual behavior, I think they interpreted it more as "marriage troubles." Commenter 4: Is it possible he had convinced himself he's infertile and thinks you cheated? Because this all spiraled with the pregnancy news. He is in a really bad place. OOP: No he's been spiraling somewhat prior to this. But not as severe and not for as long. This is just the worst episode. It was always short-lived and mild enough that I just wrote it off. He definitely doesn't think I cheated or else he would be talking about. Commenter 5: Any possibility of help from his family or friends? I know you told me his mom can be dismissive but he’s not sleeping and having suicidal thoughts. You can’t reason with him and doubt you can have him committed. I hope you are seeking outside support for yourself. OOP: I ended up calling his mom and telling her. (Not about the pregnancy though) She called him to see how he was doing and then texted me to tell me that "he seems fine."   Update on my husband who is in a mental health crisis: March 11, 2024 (eight days later) I hope it's okay for me to keep posting here. I don't really like any of the other relationship subreddits. I posted a couple weeks ago about my husband not speaking to me after finding out we were pregnant. This is very much a wanted, planned pregnancy. But the positive test results sent him into a mental health spiral of sorts. I wish I could say I have good updates, but I don't. Also, not much has changed. We're still living together in the same house. However, he has converted his office to his new bedroom. He mostly doesn't speak to me, but he has had moments of clarity where he acts normal and excited about the baby. However, it never lasts long because when I try to talk to him about getting help he just shuts down and goes back to his weird delusions. Sometimes he talks to me about how he wants me to move out. He wants me to go on dates and find someone else to be the father of our baby. He also suggested I get an abortion. He continues to tell me he wants to die, and thinks daily about killing himself. I've spoken to someone at the suicide hotline twice now, and have been told there's nothing I can do to force him to get help. The hospital/police will not commit him involuntarily just because he says he wants to kill himself. He has to have an actual plan to kill himself. I've seen glimpses of him in a normal state, so I know my husband is still in there. But he absolutely refuses to get help. He says he'd rather die than talk to a therapist. Says he doesn't deserve to feel better and that he just wants to fade away and disappear. My MIL won't help. I think she thinks I'm overreacting. I already contacted his employer and the medical board. No one seems to think there's an issue, and I'm starting to question whether I'm the insane one. I've looked into places I can stay and there's really no options other than staying in my home. If I leave, I may potentially forfeit the right to the house in the event of a divorce. I had my first prenatal appointment and everything looks fine. But it's still so early and with all the stress I'm under there's still a chance I'll miscarry. I really don't want to but I'm bracing for the worst. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Have you seen a divorce attorney? I really think you should so you understand the process and what you can and cannot expect to get once divorced. I'm a facts based person, and I believe you can't go wrong knowing more about any situation. OOP: No, but I guess that might be my next step. Commenter 2: At this point, you need to put yourself first. This doesn't sound like a good or stable situation. I wouldn't even keep the baby if I were in your shoes. Good luck. OOP: This was a very wanted, and planned pregnancy. I am very pro-choice, but I can't justify myself getting an abortion for a baby that we tried for for literally years. Commenter 3: Any chance that your husband is faking it? It sounds like he’s not exhibiting this behavior at work, or with other people—just with you. Now, I have no idea his reason. Maybe he’s got a girlfriend and wants to drive you out? Of course I could be wrong, but my spider senses are tingling with this one. In any event, see a lawyer ASAP to make sure you know your rights and what you’re legally entitled to. Don’t believe anything your husband says in this (or any) regard. OOP: He's not. He admitted to me that he wishes he would get fired so he wouldn't have to quit. And apparently he has cut off contact with his family and friends. I was not aware of that before. Any chance that OOP's husband is in psychosis? OOP: I've never referred to him as being in a psychosis. I've called him delusional because the things he says about himself are delusional. He talks about how everyone hates him, he doesn't deserve to live, he's a worthless human being, etc. He wants to set me up with other men so that I can "see" how terrible and awful he is and how I can apparently do so much better. This kind of talk is delusional. He's also been recalling memories incorrectly. We had a happy marriage up until this point. He knows I love him and that I think he's more than good enough for me. But he's adamant that he's a piece of garbage and deserves to suffer. He says all of this as if it were fact, not his opinion. And when I try to say anything to counter it, he shuts it down. He cannot comprehend the fact that he is worth something. He is so sure that he is the worst human being on the planet. In reality, he has a loving wife, a fantastic fulfilling job, a supportive family, friends, hobbies, etc. We have no major life concerns such as illness, (unless you count this mental illness), debt, etc. He has every reason to believe that he is worth something and is very much loved, but he fully cannot even comprehend it. And something is different in his eyes when he speaks like this. I can't explain it, but it's not my husband.   Update on husband who became suicidal when I got pregnant: June 2, 2024 (almost three months later) Check my post history for the whole story. A lot has changed but at the same time, I feel like I'm in the same position as I was two months ago. I was never able to get my husband involuntarily committed for a psych evaluation. However, he eventually hit rock bottom and decided he needed help on his own. It happened shortly after the last time I posted, because he has been on medication for about two months now. We even found a therapist that he really likes, however, his schedule makes it literally impossible to go therapy on a regular basis. So he's only seen this therapist twice. I was literally so proud of him. He was proactive and committed. However, things really haven't gotten much better. He continues to be suicidal. In fact, he mentions killing himself a lot more frequently. The psychiatrist recently took him off the first medication and now he's trying a new one. I know it's a process to get the right combination/dose of medication before it really starts to work. I am exhausted. And not because of the pregnancy. But because I've become his caretaker and punching bag. Not literally. He's never been physically abusive and he has never really called me names. But sometimes when he is spiraling, he will push me away (figuratively) by saying things that he knows hurt me. He'll tell me to go be with someone else, to find a new dad for the baby. He'll accuse me of never loving him, and only using him so I could have a baby. He tries so hard to convince me to leave him, and I'm just so tired of it. It sounds selfish, but I can't take it. He has not stopped threatening to kill himself. I don't know what to do anymore. I know the baby feels everything that I feel, and that kills me. I am giving this poor child the worst start to its life. I should be experiencing joy and relaxation. Instead I am constantly in fight or flight mode. Anyway, I've made a plan in case I need it. I need him to be better before the baby comes. I have already met with a lawyer in case I decide I've had enough. I was able to get legal advice and now I have a lawyer on standby who already has all the information. But I feel like we're racing against the clock. I told him if he's not significantly better by the time the baby comes, I'm going to go visit my family and give birth there. Does that seem fair? I feel guilty about it because technically he is trying to get better and it could take awhile. He's doing everything he should be doing I guess. But I have to protect myself and I have to protect my baby, and having the baby in another state (and staying there, getting a job, etc) will make it much more difficult for him to get custody if it comes to that. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Go to your family now. Tell him it’s not permanent, but he needs space to get better and you need to be off the emotional roller coaster because it isn’t good for the pregnancy. If he gets himself help, sees the therapist regularly, gets the meds dosed right, etc, you can always return to him once the baby is here. OOP: I can't. Going to my family in another state is like a very last last resort. I have pets here and I can't leave them. And I also can't bring them. I wouldn't have a room at my family's house. OOP's husband needs to seek inpatient treatment OOP: Inpatient treatment wouldn't work with his work schedule, and he can't take time off. I wish he would, because I agree it would probably be the best thing for him and could help get him stabilized. But he would have to completely redo a year of residency if he took that much time off of work. If he takes FMLA, he'll have to completely redo a year of his residency. He found a therapist he wants to work with so he's trying to figure out a way to make it work with his schedule but it's not going well. And yes his job is indeed that inflexible. And no, it is not good for his mental health. Medical residency is kinda infamous for that.   [AZ] I'm 8 months pregnant. What is the best/safest way to separate from my mentally ill husband?: September 16, 2024 (3.5 months later) Feel free to comb through my post history, but the gist of it is that my happy, stable, marriage fell apart when I got pregnant. Even though it was a very planned pregnancy, my husband had a complete personality change and has been struggling with his mental health. My ideal situation does not involve leaving him. I would much rather he get the help he needs. I have spent the past 8 months dedicating everything I have to helping him get better. He does see a psychiatrist on a semi-regular basis and has been prescribed anti-depressants. To my knowledge, he does take them. However, he remains passively suicidal and is adamant that I should leave him because he will be a bad father. He has never been physically violent other than one time where he cornered me in a room and wouldn't let me out while he screamed at me. I don't have proof of that, but I do have many, many texts of his emotional abuse and mental instability. Like I said, ideally I would like for him to get better but unless there is a legal way to force him to get help, I don't see that happening. He refuses therapy and repeatedly says he does not want to get better. So it seems my only option is to separate for the sake of my child. I need to raise my baby in a stable environment and I can't do that with him. He has stated that if I choose to leave him, he will still provide financially for the baby. BUT... I'm concerned that once he sees how much he will owe in child support and alimony, he will try to get 50/50 custody to avoid paying CS. And if he has custody, then it kind of defeats the whole purpose of me leaving him. My state defaults to 50/50 custody, and I have heard too many stories of women having to share custody with their abusive exes despite having proof of abuse, and sometimes even when their ex has been convicted of DV. I am extremely fearful that he will be able to convince the courts that he is stable. He has a good job (pediatrician) and a fantastic reputation in the community. People adore him. *I* adored him. But he isn't the same man I married and I'm scared. Legally, what would you recommend to a women in my situation? I have no local family or friends. I'd prefer not to move out of our home due to the fact that I'm 8 months pregnant, I have pets, and the nursery is already set up. I think I may be able to convince him to move out but after that, I'm not sure what my next step is. Relevant Comments OOP needs to consider the divorce and get full custody of her child OOP: I don't even want to divorce my husband, let alone take his child from him. What I want is for him to be mentally well enough to parent so that we can be a happy family. Separating him from the baby is a last resort and it has nothing to do with being "my side" of the story. His "side" of the story is him pretty much saying the same thing, and if you read my post thoroughly you'd see that. He has stated over and over (in text, so I have proof) that he is an unfit father, doesn't want the baby, and also doesn't want to get better mentally. My concern is that since he is not fully stable, he will suddenly change his mind (about wanting the baby) but still refuse to get treated for his mental illness. OOP responds to a comment regarding her husband putting the controls on their marriage OOP: You hesitate and have the child where you are, you are putting all the power in your unstable wealthy and from the sounds of it, emotionally abusive selfish and vindictive husbands hands. You have to rely on asking him to pretty please move out, pay child support, have no custody and get help. If he hasn't been willing to do that to save your marriage, he probably won't be doing it to ease your divorce. Ugh. You're so completely right. I hate this. But you worded this to be the exact wake up call I needed. Yes, my family lives in a good state for supporting mothers. But I'm too pregnant to fly there and it's on the other coast so road tripping would take probably over a week. I guess that's my only option though.   Update: July 13, 2025 (nearly 10 months later from the last update) 1 year update on husband 32M who became suicidal when I 31F got pregnant. What's next? I started using this account over 2 years ago to post about infertility. Eventually, my husband and I got pregnant after 2 years of trying. Unfortunately, immediately upon getting pregnant, he fell into a deep mental health spiral. Check my post history for details and context. There's a lot. Anyway, it's been many months since my baby was born and I've been doing a lot of reflecting. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I was planning on leaving my husband. It was clear he was severely mentally ill and dangerous to himself. I was trying to figure out a way to get out of the state so I could give birth far away. Unfortunately, I gave birth almost a month early unexpectedly. After my baby was born, my husband appeared to do a 180. It was like the bad stuff never even happened, and he hasn't had a single mental health episode since. It's like he just snapped out of it. He's been (mostly) the perfect dad ever since. And even though that was the best outcome I could have hoped for, this isn't a happy update. Being a mother, I now know what unconditional love is, and my husband never deserved mine. Even though he's "better" now, and that's all I thought I wanted, I cannot let go of my resentment. Every day I feel like I hate him more and more. What he put me through was abuse, plain and simple. And at the end, he got rewarded with the most perfect baby in the world. And now I'm just here, expected to be a perfect wife and mother like nothing ever happened. But it did happen. Even though I sometimes question whether the whole thing was some weird pregnancy-induced fever dream. (It wasn't. There's no plot twist here.) He's aware of my resentment towards him but he thinks it will go away in time. However, I've only found that it's gotten worse over time. Of course, he still refuses therapy. Couples therapy included. So I see no resolution here. I feel like I'm stuck. And yes, I know I only have myself to blame for not getting out in time, but alas, here we are. The way I see it, I have several options. I can divorce him. And most days, this is what I feel like I want. But then I really think about what divorce would mean, and it would mean my husband gets automatic 50/50 custody of our child. And that thought truly makes me sick to my stomach. I've met with a lawyer. Despite everything my husband put me through while I was pregnant, none of it is "enough" to take custody from him. In the state that I live in, even domestic abusers get automatic 50/50 custody unless there was abuse done to their children. Or I could stay. And try to stick it out for my son by trying to let go of my anger and resentment. But I don't know how to do that. How can I forgive a man who doesn't think he's done anything that needs to be forgiven? I've been doing therapy for myself, but my therapist keeps pushing my husband and I to do couples counseling which he refuses. I guess I just need help talking through my options with some neutral third party POVs. Thank you in advance for any advice you can give. tl;dr my husband became mentally ill and suicidal when I got pregnant. After I gave birth, he "snapped out of it" but I cannot let go of the resentment I feel towards him, and he doesn't seem to care about making amends. Relevant Comments OOP responds to a longer comment regarding the 50/50 custody in her state and marriage counseling OOP: My lawyer says we're in a very father friendly custody state. It's not just a starting point. He was trying to prepare me for what the eventual outcome would likely be. I did mention marriage counseling. I'm open to it but my husband refuses. Commenter 1: I wouldn’t leave my kid alone with a guy who is mentally ill and suicidal. Also he refuses therapy. OOP: Right. I don't want to. But the general consensus seems to be that I need to divorce him. I can't divorce him without conceding some amount of custody of my child to him. Commenter 2: I find it hard to believe that Dad would get 50-50 for a newborn. OOP: We're out of the newborn stage. We're closer to his first birthday. OOP on having another child with her husband OOP: I'm one and done. No more. Commenter 3: Is there any documentation of your husband's mental health struggles? Doctor's visits? Hospitalizations? Maybe even your dated reddit posts could serve as evidence. It's worth asking your lawyer. I'm not saying this because I think it would get you full custody, but it could maybe get you a custody evaluation, where a professional would take a closer look (my husband and his ex has an eval, and they both got full psych screenings) and maybe make therapy a requirement for 50-50 custody. Anyone who would refuse therapy after that kind of struggle is a selfish prick OOP: Just text messages and some voice memos I took of him while he was suicidal. My lawyer went through everything. He said it was damning evidence that my husband is a POS but not the kind of POS that a court would deny access to his child. Commenter 4: So, this shady (and not sure it will work), but can you visit family in a state you want to live and have support, and get a Driver’s license there with their address and maybe put a utility (internet bill) into your name to establish “residency”. Maybe even get a WFH job while there. Go back to your current residence, and get an exit plan in place. You purge stuff you don’t need, if possible get a storage unit and start putting stuff you don’t need currently in there, family treasures, etc. Just doing some decluttering and “Spring” cleaning, if questions are asked. Don’t forget your important personal documents (marriage certificate, birth certificates, SS cards). And when the opportunity presents itself, you haul ass out of there. Just an idea. Good luck. OOP: Per my lawyer, I can't do this as it would be considered kidnapping. I was advised to do it before the baby came, which was my plan but I was thwarted by his premature arrival.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Free_River_3388 Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest Previous BoRUs: #1, #2, #3. #4, #5, #6, #7 [New Updates]: I had a baby as a result of an affair and now his wife is reaching out to me NEW UPDATES MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: stalking/harassment, infidelity, past abuse, mention of abortion, deadbeat father, coercion, weaponization of legal system, financial threats Mood Spoilers: infuriating Editor’s Note: Due to the lengths of prior posts altogether, they have exceeded the character limit. I have put a TL;DR for each of OOP’s posts prior to the latest update. This is in order to fit all posts in the latest BoRU here. For the full text bodies of older posts and relevant comments, please see the previous BoRUs linked above. RECAP / TL;DRs Original Post: January 28, 2024 OOP, 26F, had an affair with a married man, 42M, a few years prior. She learned he was married a month after they got together. It was when she looked him up on social media and saw his photos of his kids and nothing of his wife. OOP got pregnant about a year into the relationship with him. She thought she was in love with him. OOP told him she was pregnant, and he told her that she could not keep the baby which was expected for her to hear from him. He didn't want any more kids and he was trying to pretend to be happily married with his wife to the world. OOP agreed to do what he wanted but backed out and hid from him. She said she won't contact him or go after child support if he would leave OOP alone. His plan didn't go the way he wanted. The child is now 2 years old, OOP did not name the father or requested for child support. The ex-wife has reached out and asked to talk with OOP. The couple divorced six months ago. The ex-wife wants her children to know their sibling. OOP has not responded back to the ex-wife yet.   Update #1: February 18, 2024 (three weeks later) Three weeks later from the last update. OOP moved back to where her family is, 12 hours away from her son's father and his family. The ex-wife has reached out to OOP to see if her children could get to know OOP's child. OOP finally made a decision to respond back to the ex-wife who told her how she found out about the affair by seeing communications between her ex-husband and OOP. The ex-wife told OOP that she wasn't the only one who had an affair with him. There was another woman that the ex-wife knew about before he met OOP. When the ex-wife found out about OOP's child, it was the final straw for her and the divorce happened. The ex-wife's children knew about OOP and her son. The children are very angry at their father for the affair. OOP informed the ex-wife that her son is still little, so they are not ready for the children to meet each other yet. OOP was informed of the ex-husband's accident, he's recovering, but not allowed to resume his normal activities yet. It shook him up and he had been expressing his regrets about not being there for his son with OOP.   Update #2: April 30, 2024 (two months later) OOP received a handwritten letter from her son's father. He has expressed on how he wants to get to know and be a father to their son. The father said he wants to provide financially and visit the child as well on a basis since he lives states away. He wanted to get a paternity test done to confirm the child is his. OOP refused because she already knew he is her son's father. OOP has decided at this point to have communications through lawyers. With a court order for paternity in place, OOP has to present her son and is prepared to take the next steps as needed.   Update #3: June 15, 2024 (two months later) In the last update, OOP explained about the court order paternity. It took around five weeks to find out what OOP already knew all along, but things were being stalled for the next steps to take place in the court process. OOP did not respond to the letter she received from her son's father. All communications were through lawyers. Out of the blue, he shows up at OOP's home one weekend. He did not want to wait another six weeks for the next step from the court. It was making OOP uncomfortable, and he just wanted to talk to OOP about their son. He wanted to know why OOP can't talk with him about how he would like to get involved with their son's life. OOP is struggling with having trust in him, but knows she will have to make a decision on the court agreement especially the visitation and possible custody. OOP wants her son to have a father, but still having a hard time with the fact that she can't keep him away from their son.   Update #4: July 30, 2024 (1.5 months later) OOP's son is now 3 years old who was conceived with an affair she had with the married man. From the last update, the court process has taken place regarding visitation and possible custody of the child after the ex was proved to be the father. OOP and the ex recently had a meditation session and he has met the child twice. Supervised visitations with OOP present between the father and son. Because the father lives states away, he is required to come to OOP's state to have his visitations with the child. After a year, there will be another meditation session to determine the further steps with the goals for both sides regarding the child visiting his father's home and state. Child support has been decided and OOP will be receiving them for their son. He wrote OOP a large check which she was hesistant to accept. The meetings between the father and son went pretty much as OOP thought they would because the son hasn't gotten used to see his father on a regular basis. OOP is trying to get used to a new normal and reality that the ex is in their son's life now.   Update #5: August 20, 2024 (three weeks later) OOP shares another update since the last one. She regrets putting herself in a position on having an affair with a married man. OOP has a lawyer where she makes appropriate decisions for her son. She knew she cannot stop her ex from having access to their son. OOP and the ex are supposed to use a parenting app in order to make the best decisions for their son. He has reached OOP outside of the app and wanted her and their son to visit him in his state. OOP doesn't want to because they needed to focus on their son, not her. The ex has tried to make personal conversations with OOP, but she has shut them down and re-direct him back to their parenting app. And that check? OOP sent it back because she did not want to accept it. She knew he had a plan to butter her up for something that she is not having trusts about. OOP doesn't want to fall for him all over again.   Update #6: October 17, 2024 (two months later) It has been two months since the last update. OOP shared that her son's father sending her messages about the child and everything else. Desprite the parenting app, he didn't want to stick to the plan. He would send text messages to OOP outside the app to see how she was doing. OOP knew he was up to something and not falling for this. He sent packages for their son as in the way to prove OOP he is trying to be thoughtful and be a father. OOP has the biggest challenge she has been dealing with: finding balance. She is trying to acknowledge the good things her son's father has done for her and the child. OOP wants to protect her son from getting hurt if the father decides he no longer wants to visit? Per the lawyer, she is following their advice to document everything as needed. The father thinks it's unfair that OOP isn't letting him spend more time with the child during the holidays because she won't go to his state. He once again tries to bribe OOP with money again because he wanted to help her in some ways, but OOP isn't comfortable with that idea especially when he wants to change the child's last name from OOP's to his.   Editor's note: below is the update where we were left off from the previous BoRU End of Year Update + Everything is OK: December 22, 2024 (two months later from the last update) I’m just posting a quick update because several people have reached out and expressed concern for me and my safety. I’m fine. My son is fine. I appreciate that people were concerned. There just hasn’t been much change or reason to post an update since my last one, until very recently. We continue to follow the same visitation schedule with my son’s father traveling here to visit. He hasn’t missed a visit, pays child support as ordered, and other than his pushiness things are going ok. My son is a lot more comfortable with him now and doesn’t hide behind me or stay silent the entire time, but I think it’s hard for him to grasp the concept of this guy being his dad. He’s just a nice guy who plays with him and brings him toys a few times a month. Last weekend was one of his visitation weekends and he bought tickets for a Polar Express train ride. I had planned to do that when my son was maybe 4 or 5. I think 3 is a little young, but of course he’d already bought the tickets. The 3 of us went. I don’t really feel threatened by him but I also don’t feel comfortable letting him take my son somewhere alone yet. I didn’t have the best attitude going into it. I felt like I was kind of going against my will. We stayed in a nice hotel that was decked out for Christmas and part of a Poker Express package. I was worried he’d expect us all to share a room, but he got us separate rooms. The train ride was fun and my son enjoyed it. I don’t know that he cared about Santa, but he liked the cocoa, the jingle bell, and the pancake breakfast the next morning. He got cranky towards the end of the train ride but overall it was ok and I got a ton of really great pictures I’ll treasure forever. Everything was going fine. It was a totally tolerable experience being there with my son’s father. I wasn’t focused on him. I was sort of able to ignore his presence to a degree. Then after we got back from the train ride he said he loved me and he’d give anything to be sleeping in the same bed as me that night. I told him I didn’t want to talk about that, that it’d ruin the entire weekend, and that we wouldn’t be sleeping in the same bed. He said he doesn’t understand why I’m so resistant to him. I guess he thinks I can just easily forget the way he treated me and our son when I told him I wasn’t going to get an abortion. I told him I can’t get over what he said and did to me and he said “I didn’t mean it, that was years ago!” I refused to talk about it anymore, but I couldn’t resist asking him why he’s doing all of this. I still don’t understand why he decided to re-enter our lives. I do t buy that he suddenly had a totally non-selfish change of heart after he was in his accident. He said he just wants to be there for his son and I should be happy for our son to have a father. He also said he can give him so much and I selfishly want to prevent that because of my pride. He thinks the reason I won’t be with him again is because just because I’m stubborn and insist on resisting everything he could do to make my life better and happier. So, the whole thing just ended in a sour note. We won’t see him again until January. He has really tried to talk to me since then. He has short, scheduled video calls with my son and he usually tries to get me to talk to him but he basically ignored me. I may just have my dad take my son for the next few visits. I know my dad won’t want to spend any time with my ex and my ex definitely won’t want to spend time with my dad, but I think it’d probably be for the best and would send a clear message.   ----NEW UPDATES---- Editor's note: OOP made three new updates into the new year. They have not been posted to the sub I’m dating somebody new and my son’s father somehow found out + unsupervised visitation started: February 9, 2025 (1.5 months later) This is the first time I’ve dated anyone since my relationship with my son’s father. I intentionally haven’t dated. Not because I’m still in love with him, but because it didn’t feel like a responsible thing to do. After the mess that was that relationship and the bad decisions I made, I decided that I needed to dedicate myself to being a good mother to my son. I needed to figure out how to stand on my own two feet and support my son, and that left no room for dating. I also felt like I had to prove to those who knew the true story of my son’s conception (not many people), that I could be a good, caring, responsible mom. I felt like I had to prove something and dating other men or jumping into a new relationship just wouldn’t look good. In reality, I ended being too busy and too tired to date, even if I’d wanted to. Plus, it was hard for me to picture introducing any man to my child. I knew from the start that I would never parade different men in and out of his life. I was scared to take the chance on anyone and have me and my son get hurt. I dreamed of finding somebody who could be a dad to my son one day but at the same time it was hard to imagine ever finding a man I liked enough to let into our lives. I actually went out with this guy for the first time about a year ago. We went on 2 dates. Never slept together. I was being cautious. Then all of this stuff started to happen with my son’s father and I got spooked, I guess. I felt overwhelmed with all of that and not in a good place to start a new relationship. I wasn’t going to really be fully present in a new relationship with this other drama happening in my life. We kept in touch and just sort of stayed friends. It’s not like we hung out together, but we’d check in with each other a few times a month. Then a few months ago he basically told me he knows I’m dealing with all this other stuff but I shouldn’t let it get in the way of me living my life. We went out on a few casual dates and I still felt attracted to him. He’s so much different from my son’s father. For starters, he age appropriate for me. But his personality is so different. He’s genuine, not walking around constantly in bs salesman act mode. He’s not a narcissistic control freak. He doesn’t rush me when I’m talking and turn every conversation around to be about himself. He’s confident but not a braggart. He’s super fun to be around and I feel so much more relaxed around him than I ever have or do around my son’s father. I don’t want to drag him into everything that I’m dealing with, but he knows enough about what’s happening. I was honest with him about that relationship - that I knowingly slept with and carried on a relationship with a married man. I’ve been really worried that when any man I was interested in found out that I was involved in an affair and about how my son came about, he’d think I was trash and not want anything to do with me. He said he thinks people can make mistakes that don’t have to define them and he’s more interested in current me, not whoever I was back then when I made that decision. He doesn’t think the version of me he knows would make the same decision. He told me he thinks I’m a good person and I’m a good mom and that actually attracted him to me more, not in a weird way though. He says seeing how much I love my son and the way I talk about him and stuff is endearing and it was my sweetness that he liked, but he’s never dated anyone with kids before. He has nieces and nephews. He feels fine about kids but dating somebody with a kid is new for him. He won’t be meeting my son for quite a while, if we make it that long. He’s totally fine with that and he understands that my schedule as far as any time we spend together has to be worked around my son and that my son comes first. The weird thing is that my ex found out I was dating. He’s either spying on me directly or he’s having somebody do it for him. He said something like “So you’ve got a new man now?” at the last visitation. And “don’t look so surprised, your son told me.” First off, my son doesn’t even know that my boyfriend exists. I haven’t mentioned him to my son and they’ve never met. Plus, my son has no concept of what dating is or even boyfriend/girlfriend. I don’t post on social media anymore. So how else would he know? I think he has somebody checking on me or he might just be following me when he comes here for his visitation. January’s visitation was the last supervised visitation. Starting this month (this weekend) he has unsupervised visitation. It’s only for a few hours on Saturday and again on Sunday. No overnights. Overnights are supposed to start in 6 months. Im sure he’ll start asking for them sooner though. I was a wreck. I didn’t think he’d hurt our son. I kind of worried he’d run back to his home state with him, but I don’t think he’s dumb enough to do that on his first unsupervised visit. I mainly just worried that my son would be scared and think I left him. I talked to him, explained he’d be spending a few hours with his dad and then I’d be back to get him. His dad even told me I could call at any time. I made it through without calling, but it nearly killed me not to call. All I could think about was my son sobbing and thinking I’d abandoned him. When I got there to pick him up, he seemed fine, happy, he’d eaten lunch, told me all about what he and his dad did, fell asleep almost as soon as we got home because he didn’t have a nap. I’m happy he didn’t freak out but this is so hard for me. Relevant / Top Comments Commenter 1: Oh that would have been so hard, but I’m so glad your little boy didn’t suffer. As for your ex, that’s scary that he knows so much about your dating life, hopefully someone maybe saw you out and reported back, a coincidence rather than stalking. You’re such a great mother, I’m so hoping things work out well for you both ❤️ OOP: As far as I’m aware, he doesn’t have any friends or acquaintances here. He lives in Albert state, so the chances of somebody he knows just happening to see me out somewhere are slime. But thank you for the compliment. Commenter 2: If he gave your son gifts, like a stuffed animal, perhaps he put in some sorta recording device/camera? Commenter 3: If it’s possible and if you have the money, I’d definitely hire a private investigator to look into your ex. Maybe find out if he has any ulterior motives and definitely find out if he’s watching you somehow. You may also have them follow the unsupervised visits to make sure everything’s copacetic. On the other hand, don’t let him intimidate you. You have absolute control and power over your life. You’ve done a really good job so far making sure your son is safe and healthy. I understand the lack of supervision is worrisome and terrifying. Definitely make sure you keep yourself a safety net for you and your son as time progresses. As you know, this is the grooming period. Commenter 4: Make sure you keep your lawyer informed of everything he has said-the Christmas trip and that he apparently has someone following you. Let your lawyer handle it. You are doing a great job! Your son is lucky to have you.   I gave into my ex and I’m so happy: April 15, 2025 (two months later) I gave into my ex this weekend. Well, o started to give into earlier than that, but physically it happened this weekend. I was dating this really great guy. I posted about him previously. I liked him a lot but our relationship was pretty casual. He hadn’t met my son yet. For me, it was just nice having a grown up to occasionally go out and do stuff with. It was also sort of nice having those feeling about a guy again, just the excitement and all of those good new relationship feelings. He got a job about 2 hours away from where we live. His degree and training are pretty specific. You can’t just go anywhere and get a job in this field. Many of these jobs are on college campuses. He’s been working in this field, but in an assistant role here at a college in our city. A higher level position opened up at a university about 2 hours away. He didn’t think he’d actually get it. He’s still pretty new to the field and there are many people with considerably more experience than him. But he got offered the job. He has a great personality and I feel like he probably won them over in his multiple interviews. We decided to not commit ie any sort of romantic relationship. We’re not interested in dating somebody we live hours apart from. My life and schedule doesn’t really lend itself to me dating somebody who lives 2 hours away - my time is already limited. I know 2 hours isn’t far but you know he’s going to be in a bigger city, a new exciting place. He’ll have so many opportunities to meet people. I was sad about it, still am a little, but it’s not like I was heartbroken - our relationship wasn’t that deep. So in the meantime, my son’s visitations with his dad have been going well. He has unsupervised visitation now. He travel here and stays overnight in a rental on these weekends. My son doesn’t stay overnight with him - he spends all day Saturday and half the day Sunday with his dad. He calls him daddy now. He’s comfortable with him. Soon, we have to go back to mediation. It’s what we agreed upon with our initial agreement. The next steps will probably be overnight visits here in my city. There’s really no reason for me to argue against it since my son is adapting well to the progressive visitations we’ve been doing. I’ve been talking to him outside of the parenting app. Before,he was contacting me outside of it but we weren’t having conversations. I was doing my best to shut him down. Now I’m actually talking to him. After he told me that he found out about this guy I was seeing, he backed off for a while. He wasn’t really reaching out outside the app, he was actually doing what he was supposed to be doing. On his last visit, it was my birthday weekend. He told me he could keep our son overnight if I was going out with this guy to celebrate my birthday. He said he wasn’t trying to pressure me to allow an overnight and he totally jnderstoood if I wanted to stick to no overnights yet, but wanted me to know he could do it if I wanted to go on the night of my birthday. It seemed so genuine and I didn’t feel pressured by him to say yes - and he has a way of pressuring you to say yes if he really wants you to. I told him no, we broke up and I wasn’t planning to stay out late on my birthday. I wanted to see my son on my birthday. He was fine with it. My birthday came and I received a big flower arrangement and a card from him. He’s been sending flowers every week since then. He got my car detailed for me as a gift (my son had decided to “paint” stripes down the sides of it with a rock last fall). He asked if he could just have 5 minutes on the phone with me and if I told him not to ever mention it again, he would respect that. He told me he was sorry for everything he’s done - involving me in his cheating in his wife, threatening me about the pregnancy, not being involved with our son. He said he’s committed to being a father to our son and he wouldn’t still be paying for plane flights out here twice a month if he was doing it for ulterior motives. He’s changed his will to include our son and ensure he’s provided for. He’s making a bedroom for him in his house right now for the day I say our som can finally visit there. He confessed that he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to be with me, that he wasn’t still attracted to me and in a “totally different way” now that we have a child together. He wants me to give him a chance to prove he really cares about me and had changed. And I don’t have to promise anything right now, but what if things work out and we can be together as a family, not having to split our time with our son. I didn’t want to resist it any longer. I don’t know if it was because I’m still so scared of the day where I’ll have to send my son off to go stay states away at his dad’s house or what. Nobody else gives me the same feelings he does. Im still so attracted to him and I’ve never felt so good with a man before or after him. I feel like I’m resisting it because I’m “supposed to,” but I don’t want to anymore. There’s nothing wrong about us being together now. I slept with him on Saturday night. I hadn’t really planned to, but I wanted to and fully consented to it. It happened with me on a washing machine in an air bnb so nothing romantic in the least bit,, but I can’t describe how good it make me feel physically, emotionally. I don’t really know where this is going to go from here. I’m going to be careful. I’m going to try to be smart. I’m going to keep my son as the priority. We’re going to stick to the custody plan, this doesn’t change any of that. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I'd bet soon enough he convinces you to move to where he lives...with no job and no one to rely on but him. Did you forget he's likely got someone watching you? How do you think this will go down with his ex and other kids....his extended family? You need to be doing what's best for your son, do you think this is really best? Look at what he did to the woman he was with for how long? And his other children? Once he has you locked down and unable to leave...do you really think you'll be different? OOP: What would prevent me from getting a job there again? Granted, the rent aren’t many year-round full time jobs that pay much of anything there. I don’t think it matter how his ex wife feels now; since she’s his ex wife. His kids, well I doubt they’ll be happy but they have lives of their own now. Only one of them still lives at home and he won’t for much longer. Commenter 2: I thought you might be able to reconnect. My only worry has always been if you move back with him you will not be able to leave his state if you break up. Please make him sign a legal document that you will be allowed to move from his state with the child…. BEFORE you ever move back there. That you need proof/him to sign the document drawn up by your attorney and that this reconnection and getting you to move back to his state isn’t to change/manipulate legal situs. Good luck. OOP: I told him I’m not moving back there. His whole life is there. He’s established there, so I can’t see him moving away. So, I don’t know how that would work long term. I just don’t want to be far away from my family now that I have my son. He told me I should just enjoy right now and not worry about stuff that could be years down the line. Commenter 3: I'm sure he was. It's hard not being the focus when your wife has to work and raise kids. It's really hard to deal with not always being top priority as an adult man. I'm sure it was so difficult he had to lie to you. I'm sure his kids would agree, and that's why they don't talk to him. Girl he lied to you for how long...how can you believe a word he says. OOP: His wife wasn’t left alone to take care of the kids. He was the one at all of their activities - she was rarely ever there (and that comes from the mouths of other people, not just him). Who said his kids don’t talk to him? He talks to all of his teenage children. He literally just took his older son on a trip over spring break, just the 2 of them. OOP explains how her son's father knew about her dating a guy and how the relationship ended OOP: I don’t know how he would have known that the other relationship ended unless he had hacked into my phone or had listening devices in my house. He’s never even been inside my home. My son wants him to come over. He wants to show his dad his room and all his stuff. I’ve still said no. Up to now I’ve still refused. OOP's thoughts on getting back with her son's father and having a relationship OOP: Well we’re not even officially in a relationship yet. I haven’t committed to anything. I’m nowhere near ready to do that. I do know I’ll give up some control of my life if I’m actually with him. I can’t even imagine moving to where he lives. I obviously lived there before, but that was under totally different circumstances and before I had a child. I don’t want to live far away from my family now. Then again, I can’t imagine sending my son off to go live with him there for stretches at a time. I can’t stand the idea of being apart from my son for so long and having him so far away. It’s not something that’s going to happen right now, but it will eventually. I feel like as much as I’ve tried to hold my ground and keep control of the situation, I’ve already lost control of me and my son’s lives once he came back into the picture.   Update: I gave into my ex, but I’ve decided that’s where it ends: May 31, 2025 (1.5 months later) I posted about how I slept with my the father of my son. I was definitely got raked over the coals after my last post and didn’t expect the comments to be quite that bad. Idk what I was even looking for when I made my last update. Maybe I was hoping people would tell me how stupid I was being, but I think I already knew it was stupid and was hoping I’d receive more encouragement so I could rationalize what I was doing. I let myself feel close to him again. It felt safe, in a way. Familiar. Even though nothing about our history has been safe or easy. Lately, he’s been trying hard to show up. For our son. For me. He’s been flying in twice a month, doing everything he’s supposed to. He’s been saying all the right things, trying to prove he’s changed. And for a little while, I let myself believe it. I wondered if maybe we could build something new from the mess we initially created. But after really sitting with everything, I made a decision. And I told him clearly that we’re not getting back together. I told him that when he’s here, he’s here to see our son, not me. That I’m not going to try and maintain a long-distance relationship. That I won’t move away from my family and support system ever again. That whatever chemistry or feelings still exist between us aren’t enough anymore. He didn’t argue. He just nodded and said “Okay.” That was it. No follow-up. No flowers this week. No dramatic text message. Thankfully no showing up at my house. Just silence. And honestly, that silence has been harder to sit with than I expected. Not because I regret the decision, but because part of me wanted proof that what we had meant something to him, too. That it wasn’t just about chasing redemption or easing guilt or having control. Now, he’s told me he wants to bring his older son to meet our son on his next visit. I guess he’s trying to build some kind of bridge between their worlds. But part of me worries this might be his way of trying to shut me out now. I’m starting to worry about how he might try “get back” at me. His silence is just very uncharacteristic. Still, I stand by what I said. He is our son’s father. That’s his role. And I hope he continues to show up in that capacity. But for me? I’m done waiting to see if he becomes the man I needed back then. I’m not going to let a few good weeks erase years of damage. I’m not going to romanticize being someone’s second (or 3rd, 4th, 5th??) chance at figuring out how to love properly. Top Comment Commenter: The silent treatment is the warm up act to what he's planning and it will be hateful and cruel. The only way he has to punish you now is via your son. Keep your house CPS-level clean. Do not allow him or anyone else even a moment of access to your unlocked car or home (to prevent drug planting). If you use a diaper bag, search it thoroughly before taking it back from him. If he was ever inside your new home or car, search them now for planted items. Go so far as to look in air vents. Print out all texts from him and put them somewhere safe, and keep another copy on the cloud. Most of all, save every penny you can for the upcoming legal battle. He will do what it takes to make you move to his city and that starts with him getting custody. To do that, he'll have to make you look horrible in court.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641 Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes + her own page Previous BoRUs: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 [New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there. NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment Mood Spoilers: super wonderful!! Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above RECAP Original Post: November 14, 2023** I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group. Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility. Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021. Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”. Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down. Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to. I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season. Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.   Update #1: November 27, 2023 (13 days later) Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think? It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses. We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.   Update #2: December 12, 2023 (15 days later) So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know? Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that. Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well. And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties. On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it. Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.   Inheritance: December 16, 2023 (four days later) I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know? No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active. The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.   Christmas: December 25, 2023 (nine days later) I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect. Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer. Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls. We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time. As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.   Brother’s call: December 26, 2023 (next day) Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning. For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back. Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth: Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me. The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people. 4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home. 8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there. And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me". But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral. That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember? I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed. The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them. My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it". He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives. On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.   Brother's Here: December 27, 2023 (next day) My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped. This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right. Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!   Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024 (six days later) I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness! Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely. Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home. Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.   Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024 (15 days later) My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys. This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression. Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly. My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined. Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.   Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024 (16 days later) Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care. Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them. We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office. Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.   Update: February 27, 2024 (three weeks later) My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits. Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it. Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her. There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet. Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!   Update 4/1 - Final one I think: April 1, 2024 Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one. It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal. The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason. The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area. The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy. And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing. We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods. As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for. I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.   Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil. Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now. My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them. No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.   ----NEW UPDATE---- Been a while: March 3, 2025 (10 months later) I hope everyone's doing wonderful! I know it's been a while. Lots of little happy updates incoming! My brother moved out! He's like 5 minutes away, so it's not far but he's officially living on his own. He's going steady with the same girl. She's a catch! Sweet as can be! She fits in to the family so well and everyone just adores her. She's going to school to be a nurse and I know she's gonna crush it. Hubby and I get to babysit her kiddo on the regular and he's a total hoot. At first, he was overly polite and a bit shy, but one day my husband picked him up and husband was wearing his SCP hoodie. Turns out the kid is a MASSIVE SCP fan. So we've all bonded and he's really opened up around us. Assuming my brother and her are still together come August (we're hoping they continue going strong) there's talk about kiddo taking the school bus to our place after school. There's a stop at the bottom of our street and it would be no trouble for us to have him chill at our house for a few hours until mom's off work. Have him work on homework or whatever. I might have to learn whatever "new math" is, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Mom's mellowed the frick out. She's stopped her insanity and seems to have accepted the new normal. Dad says she's "turning back into the woman he once married." Which is a bit depressing, but also good, I guess? From what he says, mom has started cross stiching again. Which, my brother and I never knew she knew how. Apparently, she used to be massively into the hobby, but after my brother and I were born, she was terrified we'd get into the needles and hurt ourselves, so she put it all away and never touched it again. Step-dad says she's much more relaxed and calm lately, which I'm happy about. She's respected our boundaries and has only come to visit when we allowed it. Our relationship has improved drastically. Dad and step-mom are also doing well. Step mom and us actually bonded quite nicely during January. She needed hip surgery and since Dad's house has more steps than High Hrothgar, it was decided that she would stay with my husband and I. Her doctor scheduled the surgery at our local branch of their hospital and after she was released, she came back to our place. She ended up staying with us for most of January due to a massive ice storm that came tearing through the area. I've spent time with the woman, but never like this or for this long. It was like seeing a whole new side of her I never knew. When dad finally came to pick her up, I was actually sad to have her leave. You will all be happy to hear that we did manage to do a memorial for my grandparents. It was exactly what my soul needed. I didn't realize how much I NEEDED to have that closure until it was done. Like someone took a weighted blanket off me and I could breathe again. It was a lovely service and a few of the little old church ladies made us some finger foods to have back at the church afterwards and we all sat around eating and sharing stories about Grandma and Grandpa. Our next scheduled visit is for Easter and I can honestly say I'm looking forward to it. I feel like I have my family back again. Please be kind to each other and take care of yourselves. Thank you for letting me shout into the void. Commenter: Oh this is a fantastic update. I am so pleased that this whole saga has come through the other side in a nice way. So often these kind of things don’t have happy endings and I’m thrilled that this one does. Thank you for updating us all.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I ( F43) broke up with my ex ( Charlie M42) last Spring, after finding out that he cheated with his ex, Sandy ( F34). We were together for 3 years, in which I was a very committed stepmother to his kid, Sarah F17. She and I never acted like mother-daughter, but I was the go-to adult when she had problems or needed anything because she and her mom don't get along and my ex would try to help but his solutions weren't very effective. 1.5 years ago, I completed a very ambitious project for a large company. I started getting paid but bonuses and royalties only came in this year, upon launching. I was so happy and so grateful that I opened accounts for my kids. I decided to gift Sarah the birthday party that she wanted. Her birthday falls in July, and she wanted a pajama party for 25 people, with a big bash (fancy cake, balloons, a DJ) and to go along with her friends to stay in a hotel out of town. This would be for her 18th birthday. So I set up a savings account under my main bank account. Charlie ended up asking me to help him fund a business idea but I declined for a variety of reasons: We were not married and I prefer to go solo, his business idea sucked because he was inventing the wheel and I would be finding everything. We ended up having to close the conversation because he got angry and said he needed a helpful partner by his side and I responded that I was taught not to give men my money. I know I was harsh and I apologized. I began to feel very insecure when Charlie started to criticize my makeup and personal style. He also praised other women to my face and I felt horrible. Early in the relationship, we had issues because of his communication with Sarah, his ex, which resulted in him promising to cut her off. Fast forward and I began to notice that Sarah was very active in his family's social media. She gave likes and commented a lot so I asked him if they were still in contact because ii just didn't make sense. He denied it. I went on a 10 day business trip and our communication was very off. He would only take my calls until early in the night and became very vague about his daily activities. I couldn't reach him at all for two nights on several days apart. He sounded weird when we finally talked, so I lied about having to delay my return date for a few days and arrived one day earlier instead. I came home to find used condoms in the trash. My world was shattered and I threw up. His face changed when he saw me home. He also claimed to have been to his mother’s house until late. I said I was sick when he asked what was going on and didn't mention anything, but he rushed to take out the trash and to do the laundry. I got into his phone ( I know it's wrong) and found hundreds of messages from his ex, pictures, voice mails and conversations like they had never broken up. He consulted her about things, told her about his day, etc. Then I found a family chat that made me sick. He, Sarah and Sandy, spent a whole 2 days at a camping site last year when I went to visit family and there were pictures from last Xmas with his ex at his mother’s house. Obviously, he had a full blown relationship behind my back and his entire family was aware of it. I directly confronted him and he tried to deny it until I layed one of the voicemails. I couldn’t take the humiliation so I moved out weeks later. I closed the bank account for the birthday bash and kept the money for myself. I cut everyone off, including his kid. He reached out in the last week of May. He pleaded with me not to take away Sarah’s birthday celebration. I never replied. I know she’s a teenager and that she has no control over her Dad’s actions, but she seems awfully comfortable in her pictures with his ex and I feel extremely betrayed. Also, there's no way in hell that I’m funding a party that I’m not gonna attend for obvious reasons and I don’t want to contribute to a celebration so that his shitty family could eat and drink on my dime. Sarah’s mom always had separate celebrations for her and her gift was supposed to be a camping trip. My ex’s family cannot afford the celebration unless they saved way in advance. My best friend says that maybe I can send Sarah a gift if I findnit in myself to forgive her actions, but I don’t feel like it. His sister sent me a voicemail the other day, asking me to please don’t turn my back on her niece. I feel awful, because I know this was Sarah’s dream, but I’m too disgusted to back out from my decision. AITA? EDIT: the ex he cheated with is not Sarah’s mom. She's an ex gf and much younger. Her mom is also in her 40s. submitted by /u/Crafty-Row470 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

Edit!! THEY BROKE UP ABOUT A WEEK LATER. thank you to everyone who commented and messaged. (39f) ex husband (40m) and I were together for close to 10 years. We'll call him Andy. Andy and I have 2 kids together an 8f and a 5m . We've been separated since Sept of 2022, no plans to divorce any time soon due to costs and time and we've had the custody situation handled by ourselves. I get the kids throughout the week and he gets them on the weekends. We live about 5 min away from each other each of us living with family. Andy started dating this girl who lives about 1.5-2hrs away about a year ago at the most. Let's call her Bridget. Bridget has a 9m and only comes up on weekends. I had no issues with her, I did not try to get to know her personally, but I know what the kids have told me and she seemed to be really good to them and that's all that mattered to me. We were not enemies or anything like that just kinda indifferent towards each other. She came to my kids birthday parties I threw for them and I thought all was well.... That is until a few weeks ago.... It was Sat and Andy sent me a text telling me he had just left the ER and he had the Flu. I went to pick the kids up asap. On the way home I was asking my daughter what all she had done that day and she replied it was just like every other weekend. She played with Jacob and her brother, she did makeup with Bridget and then they took a bath. The way she said it made me feel the need to ask if they each took their own baths or did Bridget stay in the bathroom to help if needed. That's when my daughter tells me that they take a bath/shower together all the time!! My Mom was in the car too and judging from her face I knew I wasn't tripping by being absolutely speechless about what I had just heard, but not wanting to cause a scene I didnt make a big deal about it, but I did tell my daughter that I didn't want her to ever take another bath with Bridget ever again. I was so blown away. I've got a history of being abused sexually by a close family member my whole childhood (he's dead now), I always said I would never put my kids in a position where that might happen. In fact, my kids have never been left alone with anyone other than my ex and I and our parents. Come to find out tho, Andy had been working on Sat afternoons leaving them with Bridget which is when the baths occurred. Andy was well aware of what was happening tho. Given the flu diagnosis and my emotions being so high I waited until the next day to say something about it. I asked what was up with his gf and why the fuck would she be wanting to take baths with my child and why the hell would he sit back and let it happen. That's when he tried to act like my daughter was the blame. We'll name my daughter Lennox and my son Asher. So, he starts trying to tell me about how Lennox just goes in there when Bridget is in the shower and she begs her to let her in. I don't believe that for one second, but I just told him that they make door locks for a reason and if chick didn't want Lennox to be in there with her she wouldn't be simple as that I also made sure to let him know just how unreasonable, inappropriate and predatory the whole thing seemed to me. I mean in what world is any 30 something woman going to actively want to take a bath with an 8yo girl and it not be for nefarious reasons?? Andy had 2 kids already when him and I got together and coincidentally enough, they were the same age then as my kids are now. I reminded him how in all our years together they never so much as saw me in my underwear let alone be naked in a room with me and just how gross that is and how much my sense of safety for the kids when they are with him has been shattered. He said it would never happen again. I said if it did, I wouldn't call to talk about it again. So 2 weeks go by and my kids are on spring break. Lennox wanted to stay at Andy's Monday night, but Asher wanted to come home so we pick him up. After being home for a few hours, before dinner gets started I'm putting things away in my closet and Asher is sitting on the staircase right beside me. Out of the blue he tells me that Bridget doesn't sleep with clothes on. I asked him how he knew that. He said cause he saw it. Once again, my mother was there to hear it too. Instead of waiting I immediately went to the phone where I asked him why he's trying to date a pedo cause now my other child is talking about his gf's privates too. Of course, it's all a misunderstanding. Asher is making a bigger deal about it than it really is. He said that she was wearing his boxers and they happened to ride up to which I replied by asking if her private was so big that it would be hanging out of some shorts that rode up? I also reminded him that I too have one as a girl and I love shorts. Being 5'10" pretty much all legs, I know about shorts riding up, but never once have I worried about that hanging out. Also, he only wears boxer briefs so if she really was wearing his then that must mean she's too big to be contained. I said that this is the very last time I will ever hear about this bitches body from my kids again and that I do not want this predator around my kids. Bridget hasn't been up here the last 2 weekends, but her and Andy both have been crying to Lennox about how it's all my fault that she can't come up here to see her anymore. Am I wrong for thinking she's a predator pedo ? Edit: This happened in TN, USA where she was born and raised. Edit #2: I LEFT HIM. I've seen a few people insinuating that I might be upset about my ex being with someone else. That isn't the case. I'm the one who chose to end the relationship. submitted by /u/Wise_Blacksmith_6969 to r/AmIOverreacting [link] [comments]

About a year ago I was out running errands. My wife was asleep, the kids were playing it was a Sunday. She finally woke up at 1130. She called and asked me where I was. I shared my location I was in Hone Depot or next door at the diner eating. I was 30 minutes away. She demanded I come home right that second. Basically upset she woke up and I wasn’t home. I been up since 630 doing errands, excerising, getting the kids settled, I left out at 10:00 AM. I take care of the kids mainly because I have a flexible schedule. My wife works PT. I make 2x more than her also. Well I take a hour to get home. She starts calling yelling at me saying I'm worthless, and if don't want to be around the family, she going to take the kids and leave. Ever since then me knowing how family courts are I felt like I am living with an assassin. She has the target on me and is just waiting to pull the trigger. I told her numerous times her statements and threats that day highly effected me. I been to therapy and told my therapist. My wife, my friends, and parents all told me I need to get over it and I'm being sensitive. Obviously my wife was just upset and apologized. Even my therapist said she apologized why isn't that enough? Well its been a year...im still not over it. Everyone including my wife are acting like everything is great we just took a week vacation in February as a family. I was there but I feel like I can't even openly speak to my Wife anymore because battle-lines have been drawn. AITA for holding my wife's statements a year later and unable to forgive her? I am acting like everything is fine. To avoid interacting with her I took a second job in the evening after the kids get home from school and finish their homework. So she just thinks I'm busy not avoiding her. edit Our kids are Elementary age (7 and 9). The kids basically have their own floor with a bedroom, bathroom, and playroom. My office is next to their bedroom. I have our house wired up with cameras everywhere but our bedroom. I have phone system in our house that our kids can direct dial us at anytime with a push of a button. My wife has worked PT since our kids were born. But I can control my hours and schedule. So thats why I provide the super-majority of the child-care. I always wake up early usually 530 or 6 I go to bed about 1130 or midnight. I have couple jobs and run a family business. I said I outearn 2x my wife, but thats just from my 9-5. All in its more like 4:1 or 5:1. When our kids were way younger I often took them with me to conduct business. I dont as much anymore, but they come with me to my second job most evenings. Last spring was when I started leaving them home to run around in the morning. Honestly it was more Fall 2022. My wife typically won't wake up unless she has to work. Getting up on a non-work day is between 10AM-noon regardless of day of week. She goes to sleep between 11PM and 3AM. I wanted to talk to a lawyer and two business associates said they won't give me the name of a lawyer because Im overreacting. I talked to a couple people older than me both male and female, and they all keep telling me I need to move on and get over it. I have a whole deck of cards to play before I call a lawyer. My buddy who is 55 hung up on me when I asked him. He called me back a week later and said he would drive me to meet with a lawyer if I still wanted to. We live in a large Metro, but a small affluent suburb. The type of place that everyone is very well connected. I took a vacation with my buddy last year and we ran into my neighbor in the airport, by the time I returned home a few days later people at my kids school knew I went out of town and knew my buddies name. I normally walk the same route everyday with our dog. I had a foot injury, and couldn't walk for two weeks. I was in the local pharmacy and some random lady asked me if I was doing okay she hadn't seen me walking and she knows what time to leave for work based on when I walk by the park near her house, lol. She has threatened to leave me several times we been together almost 20 years. But I always felt she is just acting out or blowing smoke. She put our children in the mix with this threat. I can admit she hasn't made a threat like that since last year. I think she knows she overstepped big time. But I can't help but feel I'm going to get ambushed one day. Also I went on a couple of websites of divorce lawyers in our state and they have calculators on them for alimony and child support. If she pulls the trigger on this im losing big. We do have a post-nuptial agreement that a lawyer created. I even talked to a buddy about renting his a studio out of a building he is constructing. Maybe to just sleep somewhere else while I figure this all out. Everyone is telling me to either suck it up or pay up for my freedom. My therapist in August asked me point blank do I still want to be married. I told him I don't know. But I have did some rough calculations on what that would costs. The number is so big, I don't even know if its worth it. He told me he was in a similar position 15-20 years ago. He still got divorced. He still had to pay, its just money. He said he waited until his youngest turned 18, but he started planning his exit about 8 years prior...which thats the only advice anyone is giving me. Just wait my wife out. EDIT 2 I do not hate my wife. Just after she threatened to take our children and leave me. I feel as if sge crossed a line where don't know what she is truly capable of. I would never say that, threaten, or do it to her. It hurt me she was willing to go there. I have expressed as much directly to her several times, and to a therapists. She has apologized. But it still bothers me. I'm not considering divorce at this time. But there is an issue. IDK how this looks long-term. Hopefully things get better. Today, I feel things could blow if she chooses. And I'm keeping my distances. EDIT 3 People doubting how I can work like this. Its very simple I work in Data Analytics. I do Enterprise System Implementations. Specifically around Data Migration. Its a corporate job its very flexible. Thats my 9 to 5. The family business I started. I can run with a cellphone and laptop. It goes 24/7/365. I officiate various sports HS, Youth, and Adult Leagues. A HS Varsity Basketball Game pays $125, JV 85. Lacrosse similar. Flag Football $50. Hence how my kids can go with me. A weekend tournament for Soccer might be $45/game you do 3 in 4 hours. Its all cash. I get excerise and relieve stress. I get paid to workout. Easy money. I go to the local park, gym, school and my kids can play with other kids, or play on their chromebooks. Edit 4 Its interesting that because I say I'm my kids primary caretaker I have to provide a detailed accounting of when and how I interact with my kids. That taking to the playground isn't parenting, because Im not actively engaged with them. Or being at home watching them while my wife is at the store and they play outside or play video games isn't parenting. Driving them to/from practice isn't parenting. Taking them to a library so they can read isn't parenting. That actually parenting is only when I interact with my kids with set aside time. Funny how that all works. Making breakfast and getting ready for school barely counts too, because it's only an hour. And picking them up from school and doing homework doesn't count because that's only a hour. Funny we have all these qualifiers now that I'm saying I'm doing it. submitted by /u/throwaway55466377288 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

My daughter (12, 7th grade) and some of her friends are being so dramatic about being the "Left Behind Kids" due to having no vacation plans over Spring Break. They devised a Spring Break plan together online/at school and sent it to all of their parents at the same time in an email that said "MAKE THIS HAPPEN!" as the title line and signed it "The Left Behind Kids." It is a group consisting of 5 kids: our daughter, two other girls, and two boys. They're being butts about the no-vacation-plans but it's actually not a horrid plan that they came up with and the ambition/teamwork of it has us considering it. What their plan is: 1st Friday Night - Sleepover at 1st kid's house 1st Saturday Day - Group Trip to Indoor Waterpark/Pool (it's a smaller facility with 3 pools and slides and whatnot, not one of those massive theme parks) 1st Saturday Night - Parents pick up from pool and bring kids home. 1st Sunday - Day of Rest at Home, Church for the 2 that go, Video Games Online Monday Morning - Meet up to "Hike the Hill" near 2nd kid's house (there's a 3 mile hike walking distance from one of their houses with a forest overlook to the valley at the top, the kids love to picnic lunch up there and have started doing it without adults for some independence [adults stay nearby with cell phones on]) Monday Night - Sleepover at 2nd kid's house. Tuesday Day - Park Day near 3rd Kid's House OUR HOUSE (Park has a Skate Park, little forest area kids like to "shelter" build in, and open fields). Parents transport sleepover bags to from 2nd kid's house to our house. Tuesday Night - Sleepover at our house. Wednesday - Pickup before lunch and go home for family time Wednesday Night and rest. Thursday Day - Double-Feature Movie Day at the theater, parents bring kid's to the movies and then transport their things to 4th kid's house. Thursday Night - Sleepover at 4th kid's house. 2nd Friday Afternoon - 4th and 5th kid's parents transfer kids to 5th kid's house for "Day at the Big House" (one of the boys has a big house with a swimming pool/jacuzzi, pool table/game room, etc and they call his house "The Big House") 2nd Friday Night - Sleepover at 5th kid's house 2nd Saturday Day - Come home for rest Saturday and Sunday before returning to school Monday. Reasons we're considering giving our approval for it: We legitimately do not have plans for Spring Break as we have work. And this plan sure beats her sitting home all day in her room or wondering aimlessly around when we're at work. Probably safer than if she just walked to nearby friends houses on her own and the like. She's slept over at all of these places before and we've had these kids over before (except for one of the girls) so we're largely comfortable with this on an individual level if each of these plans were one-offs. It's an affordable vacation plan. The Indoor Water Park isn't a major expense ($25 for a day pass). Movies cost money too, plus food here and there, but there's no huge expense. Most of this is just them hanging out in different free locations. Two movie tickets, a water park day pass, and some food money isn't a budget breaker. We're actually impressed that she and her friends planned out the logistics of a full and realistic plan for Spring Break and feel there's some value in saying "yes" when your kid does something impressive. Reasons we're considering not approving of the plan: It sounds exhausting for her, even with planned days of rest, and are worried about "social fatigue" forming partway through and having to bail on the other kids. Or other kids bailing on her. Strained relationships can happen when you try and do too much all at once. It would require at least one of us to take some time off on Tuesday/Wednesday to transport, prepare, host, and get kids picked up. This isn't a major obstacle but it is a factor. Likely one of us taking off Tuesday and the other taking Wednesday off. We're wondering if there isn't some value in learning they you don't always get to do a vacation / social activity every break from school. Sometimes you need to learn to be "bored" and by yourself as part of being an independent person. Tied into this, there's a little bit of an offense taken that the implication is we're not doing enough as parents by not providing a vacation over Spring Break. We were kind of looking forward to the aspect of her being old enough (we have no younger kids) to where we no longer need childcare or to worry about having an adult at home during school breaks. submitted by /u/MattieMadness to r/Parenting [link] [comments]