Room Ideas For Men Bedroom

...in. while entering the one bedroom I quickly scanned around making ... one of the motel room chairs sexily crossing my legs. ... desire to lip kiss men or top with one either. ...submissive bottom type with straight men. He then started caressing my ...me if I had any ideas. Without hesitation I knelt down .... Before I left the room he told me what a ...get home. I left the room strutting through the hallway and ...

...History was full of wealthy men. There were far fewer indispensable...it also made him dangerous. Men capable of maintaining that level ...one of the most influential men on Earth. Reconstruction agreements, ... relax something in the room. For the first time since .... That fear makes bad ideas sound responsible." For several minutes ... she disappeared into the bedroom. Tomorrow would still be waiting ...

...emerged from their bedroom walked into the living room, Dad taking ... out that the smartest men often make the dumbest ...before you get the wrong ideas. I didn't call you ...isolated part of the room, not even bothering to ever ...together towards the assembly room I noted how I just ...directed it to the assembly room." Noted Lin. "Still, I ... arrived at the assembly room while thankfully not being the ...

... Mako was shoved into the room where he found Varrick sitting.... "I hear you've got some ideas. You want to tell me ...." Lu came out of a bedroom with a duffle bag. "Cash ... where Vaatu was imprisoned. "My men have no idea where the ...

...: Tuesday Evening – The Bedroom Window The spent men shuffled back outside one... back on. The living room reeked of sweat, cum, and.... “…The window in my bedroom is stuck,” he said softly. “... the hallway to his bedroom. Once inside, they talked first. ...they finally emerged from the bedroom, the other men were grinning, already half-hard again ... 4 Feedback, comments, and ideas for future books are always ...

... their escorts confer with the men guarding the door for a... of what he sees. The room… is in fact a bedroom. Small, quiet, and not at... parts of the Palace, the bedroom is functional and that's about ... are two people in the bedroom when he, Sevvi, and the ... it here in this small bedroom with such an insignificant audience… ... think! Your feedback, suggestions, and ideas for this story are keeping ...

... their escorts confer with the men guarding the door for a... of what he sees. The room… is in fact a bedroom. Small, quiet, and not at... parts of the Palace, the bedroom is functional and that's about ... are two people in the bedroom when he, Sevvi, and the ... it here in this small bedroom with such an insignificant audience… ... think! Your feedback, suggestions, and ideas for this story are keeping ...

... wasn't drying from the closet bedroom chair. And... I... I don't... to be left without a room! I… I want a space.... Why are the assholes only men so far? Couldn't there be...… "And it doesn't include the room. Get to it." Today was ... even the curtains of my room helped keep me sane… As ... ick because of that. Any ideas? I was unsure if to ...

.... I simply vanished from my room and appeared beyond the city ... had back then, in our bedroom, before his death. Calmly. Assessing... is one of the worst ideas that has ever come into..., their deputies, advisers, and military men. Forty-two people in all, not ...

... so busy dealing with Satan's men going over their finances, phone... really needed to organize this room and maybe move some into... you haven't the foggiest of ideas on how to actually reach ..., he walked up to Charlie's bedroom door and knocked on it ...

... sitting cross-legged on his bedroom floor with a sketchbook ...them against nothing? The ideas came fast. He filled ...Manga's gaze moved across the room, fast, scanning, and found ...separate parts of the room, each of them looking at... long pause filled the room. "...Come on, man," Tetsutetsu said. ...cheerfully. "So let's go, men! Get to dwerking! The faster ...the front of the room and joined them. He hadn't ...

... still dark in his bedroom when Ian got out ... "Regretfully, most of the men and women in the Rough ...the gate while you men talk about the all important ...eyes. "If they have room. Can't believe you wanna sit ...It's okay Rapp, we'll make room!" Selene shouted encouragingly, patting a .... "Don't go gettin' any ideas," Plumeria grumbled. Ian felt blood ...Yes, Warden Ingo," the two men said with a bow. Trickz ...

... been thinking sneak into his bedroom and do a gene scan ... let's do it anyway." "Any ideas for getting into the security room?" Harper asked. Off of... forward to stagger into the men in front and buy a ... appreciation at the three dead men. "Not bad for a white-collar ... bottlenecking us here until your men can get that door open?" "... MY HOUSE! YOU KILLED MY MEN! YOU TOOK MY ANTIQUES! AND ...

... stone faces of the men who'd led this village before ... and he crossed the room and scooped her up off ... kunai. About the reception room filled with bodies, the poisoned ...from the courtyard, then the bedroom, then the courtyard again. She ... the floor of his room still wearing his sandals, Karura ... to her workshop. The room was exactly as she'd left ... in her head, more ideas, more ways to close the ...

... that I run out of ideas how to continue this lmao... heard footsteps and then her bedroom door flew open along its... for?" Kagami stepped into the room, grabbing Konata by the back ... enthusiasts and hobbyists aka quiet men who spent their weekends buying ..., replacing the half-shadows of the room with the irritating light of ... into the silence of the room. "Enjoy your meal," Tanya announced, ...

... rust.” “Mr. Edwards might have ideas,” Eduardo replied. Don Edwards arrived... gave quick orders to his men, then walked over to Paul... returned, he checked on three men framing forms for the 10-by-16-foot... for pressure-washing and re-roofing. Four men worked on the barn roof..., we moved your bedroom stuff down to the great room,” Don said...

... that. The lock to his bedroom door clicked open, Katsuki's father ... his son's path. Exiting the bedroom, he saw his wife standing ... like they were featured in Men in Black approached the front ... could think of any drastic ideas, Katsuki spoke up again. "But, ... we'll continue to rent the room you need for no cost ...." "Tch." Katsuki hated when his ideas couldn't work because people were ...

... her. It led into a bedroom. Atop the grandiose profusion of ... look at? Why, scuzzy black men like Carmichael, that's who! I ...! Truly Grade A!" Across the room, Lynette curled over a motionless ... Sloan knew those powers, such ideas were worthless. Everything was worthless. .... From across the room, Lynette winked again. Sloan glared as she dragged Ramsey back to the bedroom. Carmichael had started...

... your victory?" one of the men, a fucking Ruskie, asked. I ... and walked barefoot to Nahida's room. The Dendro Archon was sprawled ... a domain of knowledge and ideas. We were able to protect ... at where Farasha and Bashir's bedroom was. "...do not tell father." "... go to war as good men go to war. We go .... She looked around, at Nahida's room. A child's room. With toys, and books, and...

... your victory?" one of the men, a fucking Ruskie, asked. I ... and walked barefoot to Nahida's room. The Dendro Archon was sprawled ... a domain of knowledge and ideas. We were able to protect ... at where Farasha and Bashir's bedroom was. "...do not tell father." "... go to war as good men go to war. We go .... She looked around, at Nahida's room. A child's room. With toys, and books, and...

... more modern eye. The one bedroom made enough sense, but a... was where she got her ideas of what a Grimm should... more look back at her room in the castle as she... like anybody, especially not grown men like Hazel and pretty girls...

... the gauntlets had even been ideas in his head. Back when... through drywall, into another room. A child's room. A twelve-year-old girl stared... won the fight. The Maggia men were unconscious or dead. Herman... coming." Herman returned from the bedroom carefully. "I will grab the...

... the gauntlets had even been ideas in his head. Back when... through drywall, into another room. A child's room. A twelve-year-old girl stared... won the fight. The Maggia men were unconscious or dead. Herman... coming." Herman returned from the bedroom carefully. "I will grab the...

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Butt_Idiot Originally posted to r/redditonwiki Previous BoRU [Final Update]: My Wife Moved her Friend in, and I Hate It NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ---- Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Editor's note: changed letters to names, made small edits for ease of readability Trigger Warnings: weaponized incompetence, exploitation, possible neglect RECAP Original Post: February 26, 2026 My wife (40f) and I (44m) have been married for 1 year. we've been together for 20 years. We moved away from our hometown to a large city. Things have been pretty good so far. We are child free by design. I work from home, she works about 15 minutes away, 4 days a week. At that job, she met a friend called Alice (24f). Alice quit that job and moved in with her boyfriend renting a home. They broke up, and Alice had nowhere to go. My wife asked me if Alice could move in to our guest bedroom. I agreed. We set her rent at $200, and added $50 per month because I would be cooking her meals 4 days a week at least. The plan is for her to save up to move out. Things have not been going well for me. Alice works a 9-5, and does not interact with me at all when we see each other. I knew Alice for a year before she moved in. Things were always jovial, we've hung out together dozens of times when she was dating her ex. Alice is way younger than my wife and I, but it's hard to make friends in a new city. Our household dynamic is I do most of the things around our house because I work from home. I cook all the meals and do most of the cleaning, and do everything to care for our 2 dogs. I'd like my wife to contribute more, but those conversations have not yielded any results. I admit I hold a bit of resentment because of this. When Alice moved in, I immediately noticed she wanted nothing to do with me. I had no idea what to expect because I've never had a roommate, but the daily affair was that we would not interact at all. She makes her breakfast and I log in to work. She does not acknowledge me at all, so I stopped saying good morning. She comes home from work 1 to 2 hours before my wife, and goes to her room and closes the door. I cook dinner, and when my wife comes home she leaves her room and eats with us, and will engage in conversation with us. She finishes dinner, and goes back to her room. I don't expect her to be my bestie, and get we are 20 years apart. It just seems a little weird to me that I bailed her out, am giving her a room and board at a tiny price, and she's pretty cold. I have ABSOLUTELY never done anything creepy, and honestly I think I'm going to get flamed here anyway for saying that. If you choose to believe me, I've never stared at her, said anything about her body, said anything sexual, or even talked to her one on one other than telling her what's for dinner. Things in the house took a turn recently because I fucked up dinner on a Sunday. I planned something out, went shopping, prepped, marinated, and put stuff in the oven. I don’t know what happened, but when I checked it out 40 minutes later, the oven was off. The meat was near temp but not crisper at all, the veg was still raw. I explained what happened, and said dinner was kind of ruined. I encouraged my wife and Alice to order something, and they did. They also had a really good laugh at me. This kind of hurt because they don't do shit to help. I planned dinner, and did all the work from start to finish while they watched the Olympics. This is the usual affair, and I've never been asked if I need help. I got kind of pissed here, because I felt like I was being taken for granted by my wife and her guest. There was already a bit of resentment here because I do most of the housework and all of the cooking, and I make 3x my wife's salary and pay all of the bills other than internet and gas. I decided fuck dinner. I'll do my own thing and they can do theirs. Since putting this in play, my wife has not talked to me. She comes home, Alice leaves her bedroom, they order something to eat, and I'm completely ignored. What do I do here? I don't want to kick Alice out, she has nowhere to go. I have acquiesced to the fact that I'm going to do more around the house because I work from home, and efforts to make things more equal have failed. I am caught feeling like it's ME that's a guest here. They pal around and have talks while I just go to another room and hang out on my own. There is no sexual dynamic between my wife and Alice. They are never alone together. TLDR My wife's friend moved in, and I'm getting ignored. Edit: There have been some update me posts and I don't know how that works but here's an update. I am looking into couple therapy. This is tough for r me because I've had bad experiences with therapy, but I'm still doing it. I had a discussion with my wife about the cooking situation, and that I feel like it's an added burden that I'm not just doing the cooking, but also the planning for a guest that I'm not even sure what she likes, and will only talk to me when my wife is home. I told her it stressful to not only do the cooking on my own, but have to plan everything and shop for it on my lunch breaks. She said she'll have to do some research into meals, but was busy now. She was busy playing a phone game, so I, and I know am wrong here, said forget it I'll just manage. She got really pissed, and locked our bedroom leaving me to sleep in a cot in my office. She later texted me meal ideas, I thanked her and asked when her friend was leaving, that it's been a month already. She said she'll need at least a few months. This is where I was wary because I need to find some kind of way to express that it feels bad for me to be just existing in my home, but having a guest that seems to want to avoid me in particular, but be fine and comfortable when my wife comes home. I said I want her out ASAP because I feel like a creep in my own home and it isn't fair. I've been left on read and am in the office. The dogs won't get walked tonight because they're locked in out bedroom. Editor’s note: OOP has made lots of responses, posting the significant details Some Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Time to have a set date for your wife's friend to move out she has overstayed her welcome. Also you need to have set expectations about splitting house hold duties with your wife and say she is responsible for them and follow through and don’t do them for her. OOP: Yeah I struggle here. When I bring up the division of labor, she'll get upset and start angrily cleaning, but that’s a one-time thing. I've done things like make a list of what I've done throughout the week and show it to her. This has had no effect. Commenter 2: This Is your home, she doesn't help with cooking & cleaning, she's not a child she can help cleaning the house & cook her own food. I thought she was being respectful to your marriage because maybe she doesn't want to come across as flirty or Interested In her friends husband, but... You're the man of the house & It's your house not your wife's friend. OOP: That's absolutely what I thought. She wanted to respect my wife and be distant to make sure there's no funny business. Buy I mean I'll get home from the gym after work and she's there in the living room with headphones on. She does not acknowledge I'm there at all. I don't need a parade when I get home, but I keep thinking about what I would do if I got a place to stay in a jam. I’d be friendly as fuck even though that's not my nature, I'd clean the fuck out of shit whenever I can, and I'd give people space. She cooks her own breakfast, cleans those dishes, and cleans her bathroom. That's it. It also sucks that now she has a bathroom. I’ve got to take embarrassing dooks in my bedroom bathroom with my wife in the room and I hate that Does OOP know who turned off the oven and the dinner he was making OOP: I have no idea! I'm blaming myself and saying maybe I hit off when I started the timer, but the timer was on the microwave, not the oven. I honestly do not know what happened there. And like I said I was so mad about it! I put hours of work into it. + While I'd like to set it straight, this Watergate, I don't get what Alice has to gain for ruining her own dinner. It was a Greek chicken thigh marinated with lemon and oregano with baby potatoes and carrots. + https://www.dinneratthezoo.com/greek-chicken-and-potatoes/ OOP on having his wife doing the cleaning if he goes away on work trips OOP: That's very smart, but unfortunately it doesn't play here. I've had trips for work and she does everything, the house is spotless. It seems like an issue only when I'm home. To be honest, I have an understanding that I'll do more because I work from home, it's just that I seem to be doing everything and her off time is leisure only. OOP on his wife and their agreement on Alice. Does Alice has someone else she can stay with? OOP: We discussed the move in. I agreed because I thought it's her friend, and she had no other alternatives. Her mother has a boyfriend and refused, her brother where she used to stay downgraded to a 1br and has a child now. To be clear, I love my wife. OOP on the friendship and not having any interactions with Alice OOP: I don't think Alice owes me friendship. My only frame of reference is what I would do in her situation. I would do the same as her and make myself kind of scarce, but I'd say good morning or hello when I get home. It just seems weird to me that she gets home from work, sits in the living room with headphones on reading a book while I cook dinner not even acknowledging I'm there, and then when my wife gets home I serve then dinner while they yap it up about how their day was. + That's fair, but it makes me feel like a creep to get home from the gym, walk into the living room, and the guest I'm subsidizing sees me and without a word leaves the room and stays there while I make her dinner until my wife gets home. I brought this up with my wife before she moved in. She's had jealousy issues in the past over the 20 years we've been together. I said if she's going to stay with us, you have to understand that I have no interest in her romantically. She laughed and said that was never even something that crossed her mind. OOP explains more about his job and his feelings when he does the chores at home OOP: This is a weird dynamic, so I'll add some context. I am very lucky with my job. I work in IT support and am at a level where I am only tapped to handle high level issues and help my co-workers. My role is designed to have me be free so that I can devote 100% to a big issue. If there aren't big issues, I'm not really doing much other than attending the occasional meeting. I accept the role that I'll be doing more around the house because I have time to. I accept that I cook dinner, because my wife works 4 10 hour days a week. She gets home between 6:30 and 8. I feel like I am building up resentment because I'm doing almost all of the chores and her time off is mainly leisure. At the same time, I feel like she is building up resentment because she has a public facing in person job where she needs to be doing something at all times, but on Fridays she is off and sees me usually not really doing much at work. Commenter 3: Problem isn’t Alice… it is your relationship. Talk to your wife.. go to couples therapy.. if you don’t want to do chores tell her both of you need to contribute financially for services How do you play for expenses, vacations etc. OOP: We are child free and take a vacation every year. I pay for it. My wife received a large inheritance and put it towards a large down payment on our home so that I can easily afford the mortgage with my salary. OOP on the support system besides his wife OOP: I do not have friends in our city. I have friends from home I still talk to regularly. I have friends from school, and friends I've made working back home I still talk to. Outside of the new roommate, division of labor was a topic, her position has always been I work from home and not in a demanding job. I do more and accept that. My issue is she doesn't really make an attempt to do anything on her days off work either. It gets even worse because she took on an extra role at work cleaning the office for extra money. I go with her at least 3/4 weeks of the month and help so it takes her half the time, why can't she help around the house if I'm using my free time to help her specifically? Why do I do this? To keep her happy and make sure she knows I love and support her. I am not feeling supported, though.   Update #1: May 28, 2026 (three months later) UPDATE: My Wife Moved Her Friend in, and I Hate It It is around 4 and a half months of my wife's friend living with us. My wife has balked at the idea of couple's therapy, so I'm going on my own. I've reiterated to my wife that we need a game plan about how long her friend stays. I told her that I agreed to this, so telling her to just get out is not an option. However, we need to establish an end date, and I think 6 months is more than reasonable. Some new things have come to light. Alice has been going to her ex's place most weekends and they are trying to reconnect. I've honestly never rooted harder for someone else's relationship. Last weekend, Alice came home crying and wanting to talk. Not to me, obviously, so I excused myself to the bedroom. Here's what I've gathered. - Her ex said something while drunk about not seeing a future with her, that's why she's upset. - I assumed she was paying rent when she lived with him, and splitting bills and rent on a home, I estimated her contribution to be around $1400. I assumed 6 months of paying $250 a month would be more than enough time to get her affairs in order, get a deposit and first month rent, and be out. It turns out she paid no rent or share of bills, her ex paid everything. This is very worrisome to me now, because she lived with him 6 months without bills (other than her car payment) and didn't save anything. - Her plan has been to move back with him all along, staying here was supposed to be a temporary solution. Now we're over 4 months in, and she hasn't even looked for her own place. My wife is in agreement that 6 months is enough, reasonably, but is avoiding a conversation with her. I really can't see how it should be my responsibility to set this boundary seeing as it’s her friend, and she doesn’t want anything to do with me, however she needs adequate notice. My plan is to draft an eviction notice, and per state guidelines just give it to her at the 5 month mark simply saying 6 months is all we can do, it's time to find your own place. Editor’s note: OOP has made lots of responses, posting the significant details Some Relevant Comments Commenter 1: The friend isn't even the biggest issue here. Your wife doesn't seem to have any respect for you. She's trying to make it out as if you have exponentially more free time, just because you work from home. Realistically, all your saving is commute time. Maybe some time on lunch and morning prep. There's no reason you should be doing such a huge share of the household chores. Have you had any conversations with her about this? Is the dinner issue the only thing you've begun to discuss? Why isn't Alice contributing anything to housework? OOP: Alice cleans her room and her bathroom. My main priority has been getting my wife to tell her friend she's out after 6 months. The 6 month plan was established as reasonable between my wife and I after my first post. If she hasn't done that yet, I don't think she's going to have a conversation about contributing more. I just want her gone. I still have work to do in my marriage, but at least I won't be uncomfortable in my own home. Commenter 2: Wife is setting you up to be the fall guy for kicking her friend out. OOP: Yeah, this is the way I took it. It's going to fall to me so she can keep her friendship, and I'm sure I'll be framed as the asshole in their friend group - the same friends that didn't have room or means to help her let alone for 6 months. Commenter 3: Sir, with all due respect, you're significantly older than I am and I think you know what you're doing, please rethink your situation. I understand there's a component of compromise expected in marital relationships but how much more can you put up with? You're stuck with someone in your house who lives in your house but doesn't show you respect. Your wife doesn't seem bothered by this behaviour at all. Can you not go somewhere else and work from 'home' there? Must you keep quiet and tolerate this seemingly indifferent behaviour towards you from people who are supposed to be grateful to you for things they can't be bothered to do? I can see why you wouldn't want to change your living situation at present, but I really want to give you a long hug and ask you to take a vacation lol. Your account of the incidents in your life are stressing me out. Please think about yourself. OOP: I'd be moving out of a home and then paying a mortgage and a rent. I'd be leaving my dogs who are a part of my family. I have no family in this city. Commenter 4: It’s been 20 years since you’ve been on a date, assuming you’re monogamous. You might have aged like fine wine. OOP: You have to understand I only did well at work. I was confident in my role serving tables, and that confidence, along with the high stress environment made me desirable to the women I worked with. I made people laugh, I was invited out, I thrived. Without that specific environment where I'm comfortable, a big fish in a small pond, I feel like I have nothing. That's how I met my wife, as servers. Commenter 5: I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I'm willing to bet your marriage is over and you'll be the one out the door when that eviction notice is served. You wife doesn't seem to give a damn about what you want in your home. You need to get your ducks in a row and call the squirrels back from the rave. Contact a lawyer about both the eviction and your legal rights pre-divorce. Couples therapy for one is a waste of time. OOP: Well I'm not leaving the home I pay for. It's in both our names. OOP on the comfort in his own home and Alice OOP: It seems to me more that she is uncomfortable with me being there, in my house. She'll leave a room if I walk into it. That is absolutely her right to do. I don't expect her time. I thought WE were friends, but she was friendly with me at events and gatherings, but friends with my wife. The effect of this is I am not comfortable in my home anymore. Maybe she is uncomfortable around older men, and that's absolutely fine. Don't ask to move in with an older couple. We were her last possibility in the friend group of my wife's, everyone else had already said no. OOP needs to talk with Alice and tell her she has to move out OOP: She's not my friend, she's my wife's friend. If she was my friend she wouldn't leave a room I entered and ignore a simple "hello". She did misrepresent herself. She said just a little time to save for an apartment. That wasn't her plan. I am having a lot of difficulty understanding how I am inconsiderate when this is my wife's friend. Alice took my wife to brunch and asked HER, not me to move in. I can't text her because I don't have her number. I communicate with her via my wife. Commenter 6: I really hope therapy is working out for you. What does your therapist think of this situation? OOP: That I'm entitled to my feelings of the roommate making me uncomfortable. I shouldn't be responsible for all the housework because I work from home. I need to work on communication skills to make expectations more clear. That last part is the real struggle. We've had this house for 6 years and have had COUNTLESS discussions where I am not yelling, but calmly stating that it isn't fair. What we're working on now is why she thinks she isn't responsible to help? Current theory is that wife is off Friday. She usually has nails or hair appointments, but a lot of times she'll see me watching TV or prepping dinner or cleaning something on Fridays. It's my slowest day and there isn't a lot to do. If I'm not actively assigned a task or case, I'm on call basically. This makes her feel like I do nothing, and I SHOULD be doing all the housework. Commenter 7: Why is your wife refusing to take part in couple's therapy? Did she also have a bad experience, or does she just not care about your relationship? OOP: I assume it's a bad experience. She just said, "I'm not doing that". I know she went to family therapy at a young age when her mom died in an accident, and I know it didn't go well based on the fact it was short lived. Commenter 8: Why did the friend move in at all if you were against it? Why were you overridden? OOP: I wasn't against it. My wife wanted to help her friend, I thought I was friends with her too, based on previous group interactions. When she moved in, it became very clear she was uncomfortable in the house if only I was home, and it's not because of my behavior. I feel like she knew she'd be uncomfortable in that setting, but asked anyway as a last resort. As a result, I am now uncomfortable in my own home. Commenter 9: I can never imagine me living in a home where I’m uncomfortable in. Like why did she even stay for over 4 months at this point? Are you sure your wife isn’t talking badly about you behind your back and that’s why A hates you? I hope not, but you seriously need to get your space back, and your wife’s respect, because what she is doing is so disrespectful. OOP: There's no way for me to be able to tell that. There is a friend group of her current and former work colleagues. I seem to get along with all of them. I went out with the husband of one of the women in that group one on one to hang out, and later met up with my wife and his. This was only a month ago, and it seemed fine. I have to feel like if she was talking shit it would have been to the group, not just the roommate. They often hang out together. OOP on having cameras for the house OOP: I have cameras in the living room and office because of dogs. I assume you comment is implicating my wife has suddenly become a lesbian and is in a relationship with the roommate. That simply cannot be true. I'll explain the same way I did in earlier comments. My wife and the roommate are never alone together. I go to the gym after work, but am home before my wife is to start dinner. Weekends are typically my wife and I going on dates or home with roommate seeing her ex, if not she's in her room. You could come up with crazy scenarios where my wife moves to roommates bedroom at night, but we sleep with our dogs and that action would wake me up.   ----FINAL UPDATE---- Final Update: June 21, 2026 (3.5 weeks later) Two weeks ago my wife agreed to talk to her friend and let her know that 6 months was all we could do. That would have given her over 30 days to find alternate lodging. The talk did not go as expected. Instead of laying out expectations, my wife just asked Alice what her plans were. Alice said she was still saving to move out with a relative, and needed more like 8-12 months. My wife accepted this and then told me the news. I got pretty upset, but didn't yell when I told her how unhappy this made me. I told her that I had made it clear for months that Alice being here made me uncomfortable. I said we had both agreed 6 months was enough, but she never even set that boundary, she acted like Alice was making the rules. I said I could not believe that she was choosing her friend over me. My wife stormed out and slept in my office. The next week, I was a mess. I knew divorce was next. I didn't deal with it well and drank a lot. I was in bed by the time they came home from work, and stopped cooking for them or cleaning. On the next Saturday, Alice's room was empty and her car was gone. My wife confirmed she had moved out. Alice talked with my wife about what was wrong the prior week, and my wife told her everything I had shared with her - that I was uncomfortable in my home, that she made me feel like I was a creep for existing, that I was pushing for her to get out. I really wish she could have simply said "we decided 6 months was enough" and leave it at that. She also didn't mention the fact that she wasn't looking for a place, and was paying off debt, not saving. Alice was reportedly shocked and thought "we were all cool". She explained to my wife that she was just trying to give me space. Regardless, Alice is gone, I'm continuing therapy, and am going to shift focus to saving my marriage. This is going to be the last post, as I'm abandoning this account. The story was shared from here to other communities, and my inbox is full of messages calling me names and wishing me harm as a result. I'd like to thank the few people who empathized and offered advice rather than just calling me names. Concluding Comments OOP asks for advice on not being a doormat OOP: I'd love some feedback on how to not be a doormat, pussy, pushover, and some of the other things I've been called in DMs without being abusive. Throughout this entire story, I've communicated to my wife at all points. When it comes to chores, I've expressed my displeasure at the division of labor countless times. I've made lists of what I do throughout the week and made her a list. It worked for a week and went back to the usual routine, and now lists are "nagging". When it came to her friend, I communicated after month one that I didn't like the arrangement, and was uncomfortable in my home. We came up with a plan on six months, and she just straight up reneged on the deal. When it comes to her having Alice and friends over for a game night, I communicated that I didn't want this, and it would be weird for me because my wife through me under the bus about Alice's departure. I guess my question is, what would you have me do to "grow some balls" other than straight up divorce? Forbid her from having a game night? She's just going to do it anyways. Block her friends at the door as they arrive like a crazy person? So many of these comments seem to assume that I have the power to change my wife's behavior somehow, and the fact that I haven't reflects poorly on me as a man. Commenter 1: Notice that the second you stopped cleaning and cooking - Alice got kicked out. You withdrew completely, and within a week Alice was gone. You should have withdrawn sooner. Frankly, you should have gotten a short term rental until Alice was gone. You cannot change her behavior. But that doesn't mean you have to accept it. You let your wife bulldoze over you and manage things with Alice and you just sat there and took it and there were no consequences for your wife. Then as soon as there were consequences? Alice was gone. But she's still prioritizing Alice's comfort over yours and is doing nothing to save the marriage. Clean out Alice's room and start staying there. Don't treat her like your wife until she starts treating you like her husband. She is a roommate. Be polite and civil, but handle your own shit and leave her to handle herself. OOP: Alice left on her own, my wife did not kick her out. She just ordered food for a week since I wasn't cooking. Commenter 2: Where is your wife at on the “saving your marriage” front? OOP: Well I'll tell you what it's off to a bad start. Alice has been gone for a week. I didn't know what happened, I was just happy she was gone. It wasn't until this weekend that I asked for the story. I waited until I took her out for a date and she was having a good time and a little tipsy (I drove so was not). After telling me the circumstances of how Alice left, and how she told Alice everything I was uncomfortable about, she also mentioned she was hosting a game night for her friends next weekend, and Alice was coming. The rationale is no one else is able to host. She said Alice doesn't hold any I'll will and is grateful for the help we gave her, but I could "choose to participate or not." It really feels weird to have her back here after only 2 weeks, especially considering my wife told her everything I was feeling except for the stuff Alice was doing wrong. I would be very uncomfortable to say the least. I'd love to make some other plans, but I don't have my own friends. All my wife's friends are from work. I work from home. As a reminder we moved together to a new city.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP) OOP: u/mirrorballbetty Published on: r/TwoHotTakes Story is: CONCLUDED Story timeline Main Post: October 25, 2023 Final Update: October 30, 2023 Main Post October 25, 2023 My husband is oblivious to the world around him, so I'm taking advantage of it As the title states, my husband is oblivious to the world around him. Sometimes I wonder how he gets through the day honestly (in a loving Hamilton, "the fact that you're alive is a miracle," joking way.) When we moved in to our house I was so excited to decorate. When I told him I was going to do a half wall in pink in the living room he said absolutely not. Apparently we are a mojo dojo casa house, not a Barbie Dream house. So we, "compromised," with brick red instead of dusty pink. He said that he liked the pink color in general, and it would be good for a bathroom, but not for the main living area. I hate the red color. The red color is not giving what I hoped and I think it looks terrible. Last week he was out of town for work so I decided, fuck it. I want it pink. I painted the half wall pink and figured if he hates the color he can paint it again. I have painted the wall at least 5 times trying to find a color other than the original pink I was envisioning for the room. We kept the red he picked out for 8 months and have seen it in every daylight, night light, evening and every season. It makes the room feel small and like a cave at night and I don't like it at all. It's depressing and takes all the light and airiness out of the room. It's been 8 days and he hasn't noticed at all that the wall is pink instead of red. I'm now wondering what else I can change in the house without him noticing. Edit: The "compromise," was we went to home depot and he picked the next color of paint which was near the color I had selected (a dusty pink) and he chose a brick terracotta color. We have a small house but the living room we painted the half wall in has a vaulted ceiling. The dark color made the one big room in the house feel very small. I told him that I didn't like the color at all and he said to wait and if I still hated it we could repaint later. UPDATE: Wow you all have me laughing hysterically over here at the amazing stories of other oblivious babes who make our lives a little more enjoyable everyday. I have to say, I am very concerned about some of the men and women in the comments and the obvious traumatic experiences you've been through decorating with a significant other.   COMMENTS winchester4life9865 So why not communicate that you didn’t like it instead of going behind his back? Way to “compromise” 🙃 OOP I did haha he just kept saying, "No we are not doing pink!" I tried about 10 other paint samples too, sage, yellow, a lighter red. None of them were right. So instead I just painted it the color I wanted and excited to see how long it takes. And technically its not behind his back, it's right under his nose hehee. He's a good sport and will have a laugh once he finally does realize. I love the color. rjmythos Please keep updating us. Just be ready for the fall out when he does realise what you're doing - I suggest doing some easily reversible and jokey ones like replacing your photos with pictures of The Rock or something 😂 OOP I definitely will but honestly, I do not think he is going to notice at this point which I find hysterical. I even left out the paint brushes and he didnt notice them either hahaha Leading-Suspect8307 Odds are, he just doesn't want to deal with your shit. He's probably just annoyed that you don't understand what a "partnership" is and if he brings it up, you'll just piss and moan. Dude loses either way, he's just sacrificing any respect he has for you and himself to avoid an argument. OOP For the record we have a really great relationship and we don't argue often - especially not with something as trivial as a wall color. You sure have a lot of opinions and projected feelings about this stuff. Seems like you've not had the best luck in relationships and I genuinely hope you find someone that you can laugh about paint colors with. Cheers. PunkRockDude My grandfathers gag was to replace them gem stones in my grandmothers jewelry with larger ones and see how long it took her to notice. I’m not sure what the record was but he did this at least twice that I know of. She was not upset with him. Maybe replace TV with a larger one? OOP I LOVE that idea! I've been planning on surprising him with a new TV because he's a really big gamer and he always complains about how small our tv is (I think its fine size but I also dont game so idk). That is the sweetest little game your grandparents played. I love that your grandpa could get away with it, or maybe grandma just liked the game. Final update - after 5 days October 30, 2023 Final update: My husband is oblivious to the world around him, so I'm taking advantage of it He finally noticed, everyone. We had a wonderful 13 days of pink ignorance and then he finally noticed. The best part was his dad was at the house too so he witnessed this whole thing go down and all three of us had a good laugh. My hubs said he liked the other color better but my father in law said, "Um, you can't say that at all because you didn't even notice!" And then we all kept laughing even more. It was not the end of the world or even our marriage. The wall is going to stay pink and I'm plotting my next little decorating prank so stay tuned.   NOTE: OOP made another post a month ago related to her relationship with her husband. May 02, 2026 479 days of celibacy might have me thinking it's time to leave This is gonna be a long one.... I (33 F) have identified as pansexual most of my life. You know that scene in Schitt's Creek when David describes sexuality like bottles of wine? Essentially, the bottle and label doesn't matter, it's what is inside. But an incident with my partner 479 days ago, leading to the longest stretch of celibacy since losing my virginity has ensued. I have been married to my partner (32M) for 3 years, together for 8. We met in college and reconnected years later and the rest is history. Now, after a traumatic sexual experience, I'm thinking I will never be able to have sex with a man again. Growing up in a deeply conservative religious home didn't do me any favors for easing any sexual trauma that my future would bring. My Mom is Catholic. Dad is Evangelical. I grew up practicing both. Throw in the fact my parents were 19 and 20 when they had me and you can basically imagine the sex talk I got was akin to that of Coach Carr in Mean Girls. Don't have sex because you will get pregnant and die. Needless to say this was not a queer or sex positive home to grow up in. I had crushes on women all my life. My first kiss was actually a girl, which would shock my family. I always played the perfect comp het girl after watching my cousin come out as a lesbian and get ripped to shreds behind her back. It told me, keep it quiet. Keep it hidden. Fast forward to now, and here I am married to a man. Things have never been perfect or even great between us. I settled for security, a "normal," and "expected" life path. I thought it would be good enough and I would be satisfied. Perhaps that would have been the case, if 479 days ago things had gone differently. I have never wanted children. Specifically, I have never wanted to be pregnant or give birth to children. The thought is terrifying and my most commonly reoccurring nightmare. My partner knows this and we both agreed that it wasnt a desire either of us had. Things happened and my greatest fear had to be faced. Something I thought and had worked diligently to prevent, so much so that sex had never been a 100% enjoyable experience. The anxiety could consume me and I could never, "get there," without imagining that I was with a woman. Yeah, yeah, I am aware. That is not just a quirky trait of a straight girl. Refer back to religious trauma if you find yourself confused, because I am now aware the closet is glass. Thankfully, the pregnancy scare was one that was remedied. But I found myself going through this incredibly traumatic, physically and emotionally painful situation alone. My partner was no help. He would not talk about what had happened. He didn't check in on me or even make me a meal through the days long process. I felt completely isolated and abandoned. So, just a few days after this traumatic experience, I was caught completely off guard after he got in the shower with me and acted like everything was normal. I wanted connection, but I didnt want that. But how could I turn him away? I couldn't live with the potential rejection, hurt feelings and ultimately sulky attitude that would follow. So it was easier to just go along with it. Disassociate. The encounter was over quickly, leaving me to finish washing the conditioner out of my hair and to scrub my skin where he had touched me. As I got out of the shower, into my fuzzy bathrobe, all the emotions hit me and I started sobbing. I opened the door and to my surprise bumped into my partner. He asked why I was crying, and I told him that I had felt a bit used and I think the word I used was "unsatisfied." He looked me in the eyes and said, "Well what do you want me to do about it?" I cannot stop thinking about it. That was 479 days ago. I moved into our guest room shortly after and haven't moved back down since. Nor has he once asked me why I moved rooms or to come back. Though the incident started with him, I have found myself more confidently thinking I do not think I can be intimate with any man ever again, not just him. How do I bring this up? Is it even necessary to be transparent with this information or just ask for a divorce? I have been underemployed the last 2 years working part time and taking care of our home and animals. I have no money, no family, and few friends as resources for getting out. Any kind advice, support or wisdom is welcomed. I am too soft to be posting on reddit, but fingers crossed this reaches the right corner of reddit. Thank you for reading this, it feels so good to finally just say everything that I have been holding in for so long.   COMMENTS Moist_Debt_5413 I read your story. All I can say is- you are strong and you have you! Now that you’ve decided it’s time- make it happen. For your present self, and your future self that can then heal, - I feel your nervous system is wrecked because you’re living a situation that’s not truly you. You’ve given your parents, family , husband etc 8 years of living the “normal” life that seems ok for everyone except you- now it’s time to live for you. Take practical steps and plan your exit. Search online if you can find your kind of work in another town/state, find a room in a shared apartment, take with you the minimum (you can always come back for whatever you need) I wouldn’t go straight into a divorce, a neat separation for at least 6 months will help you reassess . Stop living for everyone except yourself!!! OOP This is the kindest thing ever, thank you so much. You have a really wonderful way with encouragement and I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. 💖 Currently the plan is I am meeting with an individual therapist with whom I did a group trauma therapy session. Additionally going to another independent therapist who specializes in later in life sexuality changes, late diagnosed AUDHD women and a few other things that really spoke to me so I am hoping to make a plan. Basically I feel we have been separated this whole time, informally. I had suggested divorce in November of 2024, he said he wanted to make it work. This incident occurred. We started couples therapy in July 2025 and honestly, nothing feels better or even different. Its incredibly difficult to keep my mouth shut and just keep making moves in silence when all I want to do it just tell him everything and hope for an amicable split but alas, I know that isn't gonna happen. swimminscared How have you been in couples therapy since July with the topic of you moving out of the main bedroom never coming up? Or the topic of what led to it never coming up? OOP It has come up, honestly not in the best ways. I was the one to bring it up and said something to the therapist, to the effect of, "I moved into the guest room upstairs and he hasn't asked why or asked me to come back." So our therapist acted as a middle man and asked him why he hadn't and he said, "I know why she moved up there and it's not my place to ask her to move back. If she wants to she will." It felt very dismissive, I told him I felt that way and we just kind of moved on since it was obvious that we weren't going to get anywhere with it. I have brought it up in a few other arguments, discussions, etc and his answer has remained the same. Hopefully this helps. (Personally it brings me no clarity at all to what is going on in his mind haha) Cass_iopeia Seconded! I would start by sharing exactly what you wrote in this post during couples therapy. Then if he still shows zero curiosity or empathy, divorce him over that. Sort out your life, get yourself to a safe place. Ponder your sexual preferences after all that. Though if it's easier or safer, you can definitely go with divorcing him because you're gay. Or really any of the dozens of reasons you need to leave this man. OOP Thank you I appreciate that a lot. Right now the finances are the hardest part. I've been underemployed the last 2 years and it has definitely become a source of tension for us. He got a very high energy hunting puppy about 2 years ago and it became really clear that she wasn't going to be able to be left alone for long periods of time. I had recently quit the job I was at and was in the market to look for a new one but we both decided me staying home was the best option. About a year later I started my own business and that had been going really well but not quite enough to have anything saved up. And now that I am making money, he has me venmo him for "repayment" of paying for everything the last two years so it's been impossible to save. Basically he sees what's his is his and what's mine is his because in his own words he, "needs to recoup his losses." Yuck. I think it's messed up and controlling, he disagrees. As you can imagine, couples therapy has not been enjoyable... Cass_iopeia Oh, so there's financial abuse too. You need to get out of there, asap, no matter how. That dog is his problem. You are not a partner in that house, you are a prisoner. Have you read the Lundy Bancroft book yet? It is hard to see from where you are (a dark cell) but your situation is very very wrong. You have to escape. Ask for help, please. Find your local services for domestic abuse victims and ask them for help and advice. Do not say anything to your stbx, start planning your exit. OOP Ok, so I just wanted to say a giant thank you for recommending the Should I stay or Should I go? By Lundy Bancroft. I literally cannot tell you how much this book is already helping me and im only 80 pages in. Thank you, sincerely. What is stbx? I haven't read that book but I definitely will! I definitely feel like a prisoner here. I hadn't really realized how small my world has become until I decided it was time to initiate the leaving process and now it low key makes me have a panic attack thinking about it. But I know its what I want even if it feels scary and like im blowing up my entire world and any sense of safety and security Ive had. Thank you for the book rec and the encouraging words, I appreciate you. Cass_iopeia Stbx = Soon to be ex ;) I was being hopeful. You're fear us normal, it's why I mentioned asking for help and advice from people who know how to do this. Call today, just get more information. Ok? OOP Hahaha dang I should have been able to puzzle that one out 😂😂 Definitely gonna keep taking steps forward and getting everything ready. I'm very interested to read those Lundy books, it's on my to do list for tomorrow at our local book exchange shop. Thank you for your help.   This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP) Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading. Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved. submitted by /u/BigONerd to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/moonlightmissle Thinking of breaking up with my Bf after a threesome Aitah? Originally posted to r/ComfortLevelPod Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity Original Post May 23, 2026 Wassup, comforter's Honestly, I never thought I'd need to download Reddit, let alone post here, but that day has come. Basically, I (F24) and my Bf (M26) have been together for 8 years and living together for 6. We've always been solid. So, here's what brings me here. My Bf and I have had 3somes in the past. This was always a mutual agreement, something we both understood and were comfortable with. We would sometimes maintain casual relationships with the women involved more of a situationship than anything serious. About 2years ago, the woman we were seeing moved out of state for a job opportunity. Things ended on a good note. Ab a a month ago, my Bf I'll call him Eli and I started talking about the possibility of finding another third. We discussed it openly and agreed that if something happened naturally, we'd be open to it. 3 weeks ago, Eli started showing me pictures of a guy (M29) and asking if I found him attractive. I asked why, and he told me he'd been thinking about bringing him in as a third. If I'm being honest, I never liked the idea of dating two men, especially in a sexual context(not a fan Heavy Penetration). That's just not my thing. No judgment toward anyone who enjoys that/it's simply not for me. I've always preferred another woman, and since Eli has always identified as straight, I didn't expect anything like this. I asked him if this was some kind of kink, like wanting to watch another man sleep with me. He said no and explained that it would be the same as our usual arrangement and that he would also be involved. I wasn't really feeling the idea, but I agreed to meet the guy and see how the vibe was. We all hung out, and honestly, he was cool. He was attractive too. However, it seemed like he was more interested in Eli than me. I thought maybe I was just being insecure because there have been times when Eli felt like women were more interested in me than him. So I tried not to overthink it. For the next two weeks, we all spent time together, talked, and got to know each other. Last night, we were back at our apartment. We'd had a few drinks, were listening to music, and dancing around. Suddenly, Eli grabbed me and started making out with me. Then he pulled Marcus (M29) into it, and we ended up in a three-way kiss. Honestly, I was into it. I'm going to skip a gap of this story that explain nsfw the details but we got a point where Eli pulled out me and said something like, "My turn now."(not sure if those were his exact words but that's what it sounded like) Before I could process what he meant, Eli Bent over and Marcus started penetrating Him from behind....... I completely froze. They were so focused on each other that they didn't even notice I'd gotten out of bed. I grabbed some clothes from my dresser and went to take a shower. I stayed in there for nearly an hour. I had to turn the volume up twice on my speaker because they were so fucking loud. When I got out and started getting dressed, everything was quiet. When I checked the bedroom, they were both asleep in my bed. There wasn't even room for me. No one checked on me. No one asked where I'd gone. No one seemed concerned at all. I ended up sleeping on the couch. Around 8 a.m., I went back into the bedroom to grab some things, and they were hooking up again like nothing had happened. I just grabbed what I needed and went back to the living room. Then they had the audacity to ask me to DoorDash food because they'd "worked up an appetite." Now I'm sitting here completely confused. Eli is acting like this is totally normal. They even carpool to the fucking gym together. Meanwhile, I feel blindsided, left out, and hurt. I started talking to two friends about it one is a pansexual woman and the other is a gay man. While explaining the story, they asked me at what point did i get "the ick." I said, honestly, it happened when I realized my boyfriend was interested in men and that he'd never told me. They immediately started accusing me of being homophobic and said he was just expressing himself and that I shouldn't be judgmental. I was honestly on the verge of tears because that's not where I'm coming from at all. If Eli had told me he was bisexual or attracted to men, I genuinely think we could have worked through that. What hurts is that I had no idea, I wasn't prepared for it, and I feel like I was completely left in the dark. On top of that, they both acted like I didn't even exist afterward. Now I'm wondering if I'm the problem. Am I being homophobic? Am I overreacting? And most importantly, would I be the asshole if I considered breaking up with him over this? RELEVANT COMMENTS crystachs You’re not homophobic, it’s reasonable to feel blindsided. Aside from Marcus being a man, the way Eli behaved is enough for any partner to feel isolated/ignored. You need to talk to Eli and see where he’s coming from, maybe you can get some clarity on his perspective. Whether you break up or not is up to you. But you’re NTA OOP Yes!im hoping to get some clarity, i jus hope he doesnt take it the wrong way if i say im not comfortable with Marcus being our third any more ingoamuna-1 At what point did your threesome become just the two of them? Was it normal in your previous dynamic that you would have sex with the third, without the other? Does their sex upon waking up without you count as cheating? OOP I wanna say 20minutes in. 10 minutes of making out and feeling Eachother up. 5 minutes Of getting head\finger stuff from the both of them. 5 minutes of my bf inside of me before pulling out to Bend over. ~ Playful_Estate2661 Honestly I kinda get the impression they had hooked up before he even brought Marcus up as a possible third. Seems like it was a quick transition into just the two of them having sex and I can’t imagine a first time MM being that easy. 🤷🏻‍♀️. OOP That's what played in my head over and over just how normal and nonchalant he was about their acts together and no I was under the impression that they were new friends who met through mutual Friends at a sports bar. Update May 26, 2026 (3 days later) First, I just want to thank you guys for all the advice and opinions you guys gave. So, on to the update. Basically, what everyone pointed out was that the issue wasn't that Eli liked men. The issue was that he lied to me and blindsided me. After reading your comments for hours on end and pacing around my apartment, I finally decided that I needed answers ASAP. When Eli came home, I asked him one simple question: "How long have you known you were attracted to men?" The look on his face told me everything before he even opened his fucking mouth. Apparently, he's known for the past 3 years or so. He admitted that he had been questioning his sexuality for a long time but never told me because he was afraid I'd leave. He said when Marcus came into the picture, he felt comfortable enough to finally explore that side of himself. I asked him why he didn't talk to me first? You want to know what his answer was? He thought introducing Marcus slowly would be easier than having a " uncomfortable conversation." I couldn't fucking believe that was his answer. For 8 years, we've talked through everything together. But somehow, he thought secretly developing a relationship with another person and then revealing it during a threesome was a better option? And it just seemed like every time he opened his mouth, the conversation got worse and worse. I asked him if anything had happened between him and Marcus before that night. At first, he said no. Then I asked again, and he said yes. They had kissed before. More than once. And they had hooked up prior. According to Eli, they had been testing the waters emotionally for 6 months before doing anything sexual, and for the past 3 months they've been hooking up, which means they have been together for a total of 9 months. Not only that, but then his phone starts to ring in the middle of this conversation. Can you guess who it was? Can you? It was fucking Marcus.🙃. And not only did he have this conversation right in front of me, he didn't hesitate to answer the phone and cut me off in the middle of our conversation. I immediately heard Marcus ask if I was still upset. Bitch, what? Still upset? I'm fucking furious, and everything in me is keeping me from crashing Tf out. And suddenly, something just clicked. I calmed down, and I realized, why am I giving them this energy? They don't care. They're acting like they don't understand why I'm hurt. Neither of them seem to understand that I wasn't upset that Eli was attracted to men. I am upset that he had an affair. He basically cheated right in front of my eyes, and I allowed it to happen. Like, how can they not understand me being upset? My partner has been building an entirely separate relationship with someone else and expecting me just to go along with it. I told Eli that when he got off that phone, he needed to pack a bag. I calmly asked him if he could stay somewhere else for a while. Before I could even finish my sentence, he said he already figured out how this conversation was going to go and had planned on going to stay with Marcus for a while. I said nothing. He walked past me, packed a bag, and left. Now I've spent the last 2 days numb, depressed, and just trying to work through all of this. But I did show my two friends my post, and once they got to read it and see some of the comments for themselves, I actually did get an apology from them for calling me homophobic. I also apologized to them if I came off homophobic. It was just really good to have them around because I was really in a dark place. As for where the relationship stands now, I don't know. 8 years is a long time. Part of me really still loves him, but part of me is really fucking mad. And a very large part of me is just exhausted from all of this. I know some of you are probably going to suggest counseling. Honestly, that's not my MO. I've done counseling, and it's not my thing, and it can get really expensive. But after all this, I think it's safe to say that I'm probably ending this relationship. Eli belives we can work through this and Be Poly But i just cant and WONT do that. This relationship is over. Because what I do know is that I deserve honesty. And right now, that is the one thing I'm struggling to forgive. Multiple betrayals and lies, and under this delusion that our relationship was so perfect and great. So thank you to everyone that took the time to comment. Update 2 May 29, 2026 (3 days after 1st update) Brokeup with my bf after a threesome(final update) Long story short, we're done. Our relationship is over, and I feel free and at peace with how I went about this situation. Me and Eli talked, and tbh, it wasnt the worst thing ever. We cried, he apologized, and paid rent for the next month. We knew how this was gonna end it was Obvious. He let me know he would be coming to get the rest of his things this weekend. He only wanted his personal belongings, the air fryer, and the recliner. Okay, done. And I'm currently looking for a new roommate to take over the lease (close friends only). But yeah, that's it. I didn't want answers, I didn't have questions, I just wanted this to be over. I wanted out, and now I can start living for me. Thank you guys for all the positive feedback. And for those who kept asking in the comments, I've already gotten tested!! I am 100% clean and healthy lol. 06/4 Edit: All his things Are Gone and moved out and the Lease has been signed over to One of my closest Girlfriends. we are No contact and Eli and Marcus have made things Official Between them. Thanks everyone for the advice!) THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Butt_Idiot Originally posted to r/redditonwiki My Wife Moved her Friend in, and I Hate It Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU Editor's note: changed letters to names, made small edits for ease of readability Trigger Warnings: weaponized incompetence, exploitation, possible neglect Original Post: February 26, 2026 My wife (40f) and I (44m) have been married for 1 year. we've been together for 20 years. We moved away from our hometown to a large city. Things have been pretty good so far. We are child free by design. I work from home, she works about 15 minutes away, 4 days a week. At that job, she met a friend called Alice (24f). Alice quit that job and moved in with her boyfriend renting a home. They broke up, and Alice had nowhere to go. My wife asked me if Alice could move in to our guest bedroom. I agreed. We set her rent at $200, and added $50 per month because I would be cooking her meals 4 days a week at least. The plan is for her to save up to move out. Things have not been going well for me. Alice works a 9-5, and does not interact with me at all when we see each other. I knew Alice for a year before she moved in. Things were always jovial, we've hung out together dozens of times when she was dating her ex. Alice is way younger than my wife and I, but it's hard to make friends in a new city. Our household dynamic is I do most of the things around our house because I work from home. I cook all the meals and do most of the cleaning, and do everything to care for our 2 dogs. I'd like my wife to contribute more, but those conversations have not yielded any results. I admit I hold a bit of resentment because of this. When Alice moved in, I immediately noticed she wanted nothing to do with me. I had no idea what to expect because I've never had a roommate, but the daily affair was that we would not interact at all. She makes her breakfast and I log in to work. She does not acknowledge me at all, so I stopped saying good morning. She comes home from work 1 to 2 hours before my wife, and goes to her room and closes the door. I cook dinner, and when my wife comes home she leaves her room and eats with us, and will engage in conversation with us. She finishes dinner, and goes back to her room. I don't expect her to be my bestie, and get we are 20 years apart. It just seems a little weird to me that I bailed her out, am giving her a room and board at a tiny price, and she's pretty cold. I have ABSOLUTELY never done anything creepy, and honestly I think I'm going to get flamed here anyway for saying that. If you choose to believe me, I've never stared at her, said anything about her body, said anything sexual, or even talked to her one on one other than telling her what's for dinner. Things in the house took a turn recently because I fucked up dinner on a Sunday. I planned something out, went shopping, prepped, marinated, and put stuff in the oven. I don’t know what happened, but when I checked it out 40 minutes later, the oven was off. The meat was near temp but not crisper at all, the veg was still raw. I explained what happened, and said dinner was kind of ruined. I encouraged my wife and Alice to order something, and they did. They also had a really good laugh at me. This kind of hurt because they don't do shit to help. I planned dinner, and did all the work from start to finish while they watched the Olympics. This is the usual affair, and I've never been asked if I need help. I got kind of pissed here, because I felt like I was being taken for granted by my wife and her guest. There was already a bit of resentment here because I do most of the housework and all of the cooking, and I make 3x my wife's salary and pay all of the bills other than internet and gas. I decided fuck dinner. I'll do my own thing and they can do theirs. Since putting this in play, my wife has not talked to me. She comes home, Alice leaves her bedroom, they order something to eat, and I'm completely ignored. What do I do here? I don't want to kick Alice out, she has nowhere to go. I have acquiesced to the fact that I'm going to do more around the house because I work from home, and efforts to make things more equal have failed. I am caught feeling like it's ME that's a guest here. They pal around and have talks while I just go to another room and hang out on my own. There is no sexual dynamic between my wife and Alice. They are never alone together. TLDR My wife's friend moved in, and I'm getting ignored. Edit: There have been some update me posts and I don't know how that works but here's an update. I am looking into couple therapy. This is tough for r me because I've had bad experiences with therapy, but I'm still doing it. I had a discussion with my wife about the cooking situation, and that I feel like it's an added burden that I'm not just doing the cooking, but also the planning for a guest that I'm not even sure what she likes, and will only talk to me when my wife is home. I told her it stressful to not only do the cooking on my own, but have to plan everything and shop for it on my lunch breaks. She said she'll have to do some research into meals, but was busy now. She was busy playing a phone game, so I, and I know am wrong here, said forget it I'll just manage. She got really pissed, and locked our bedroom leaving me to sleep in a cot in my office. She later texted me meal ideas, I thanked her and asked when her friend was leaving, that it's been a month already. She said she'll need at least a few months. This is where I was wary because I need to find some kind of way to express that it feels bad for me to be just existing in my home, but having a guest that seems to want to avoid me in particular, but be fine and comfortable when my wife comes home. I said I want her out ASAP because I feel like a creep in my own home and it isn't fair. I've been left on read and am in the office. The dogs won't get walked tonight because they're locked in out bedroom. Editor’s note: OOP has made lots of responses, posting the significant details Some Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Time to have a set date for your wife's friend to move out she has overstayed her welcome. Also you need to have set expectations about splitting house hold duties with your wife and say she is responsible for them and follow through and don’t do them for her. OOP: Yeah I struggle here. When I bring up the division of labor, she'll get upset and start angrily cleaning, but that’s a one-time thing. I've done things like make a list of what I've done throughout the week and show it to her. This has had no effect. Commenter 2: This Is your home, she doesn't help with cooking & cleaning, she's not a child she can help cleaning the house & cook her own food. I thought she was being respectful to your marriage because maybe she doesn't want to come across as flirty or Interested In her friends husband, but... You're the man of the house & It's your house not your wife's friend. OOP: That's absolutely what I thought. She wanted to respect my wife and be distant to make sure there's no funny business. Buy I mean I'll get home from the gym after work and she's there in the living room with headphones on. She does not acknowledge I'm there at all. I don't need a parade when I get home, but I keep thinking about what I would do if I got a place to stay in a jam. I’d be friendly as fuck even though that's not my nature, I'd clean the fuck out of shit whenever I can, and I'd give people space. She cooks her own breakfast, cleans those dishes, and cleans her bathroom. That's it. It also sucks that now she has a bathroom. I’ve got to take embarrassing dooks in my bedroom bathroom with my wife in the room and I hate that Does OOP know who turned off the oven and the dinner he was making OOP: I have no idea! I'm blaming myself and saying maybe I hit off when I started the timer, but the timer was on the microwave, not the oven. I honestly do not know what happened there. And like I said I was so mad about it! I put hours of work into it. + While I'd like to set it straight, this Watergate, I don't get what Alice has to gain for ruining her own dinner. It was a Greek chicken thigh marinated with lemon and oregano with baby potatoes and carrots. + https://www.dinneratthezoo.com/greek-chicken-and-potatoes/ OOP on having his wife doing the cleaning if he goes away on work trips OOP: That's very smart, but unfortunately it doesn't play here. I've had trips for work and she does everything, the house is spotless. It seems like an issue only when I'm home. To be honest, I have an understanding that I'll do more because I work from home, it's just that I seem to be doing everything and her off time is leisure only. OOP on his wife and their agreement on Alice. Does Alice has someone else she can stay with? OOP: We discussed the move in. I agreed because I thought it's her friend, and she had no other alternatives. Her mother has a boyfriend and refused, her brother where she used to stay downgraded to a 1br and has a child now. To be clear, I love my wife. OOP on the friendship and not having any interactions with Alice OOP: I don't think Alice owes me friendship. My only frame of reference is what I would do in her situation. I would do the same as her and make myself kind of scarce, but I'd say good morning or hello when I get home. It just seems weird to me that she gets home from work, sits in the living room with headphones on reading a book while I cook dinner not even acknowledging I'm there, and then when my wife gets home I serve then dinner while they yap it up about how their day was. + That's fair, but it makes me feel like a creep to get home from the gym, walk into the living room, and the guest I'm subsidizing sees me and without a word leaves the room and stays there while I make her dinner until my wife gets home. I brought this up with my wife before she moved in. She's had jealousy issues in the past over the 20 years we've been together. I said if she's going to stay with us, you have to understand that I have no interest in her romantically. She laughed and said that was never even something that crossed her mind. OOP explains more about his job and his feelings when he does the chores at home OOP: This is a weird dynamic, so I'll add some context. I am very lucky with my job. I work in IT support and am at a level where I am only tapped to handle high level issues and help my co-workers. My role is designed to have me be free so that I can devote 100% to a big issue. If there aren't big issues, I'm not really doing much other than attending the occasional meeting. I accept the role that I'll be doing more around the house because I have time to. I accept that I cook dinner, because my wife works 4 10 hour days a week. She gets home between 6:30 and 8. I feel like I am building up resentment because I'm doing almost all of the chores and her time off is mainly leisure. At the same time, I feel like she is building up resentment because she has a public facing in person job where she needs to be doing something at all times, but on Fridays she is off and sees me usually not really doing much at work. Commenter 3: Problem isn’t Alice… it is your relationship. Talk to your wife.. go to couples therapy.. if you don’t want to do chores tell her both of you need to contribute financially for services How do you play for expenses, vacations etc. OOP: We are child free and take a vacation every year. I pay for it. My wife received a large inheritance and put it towards a large down payment on our home so that I can easily afford the mortgage with my salary. OOP on the support system besides his wife OOP: I do not have friends in our city. I have friends from home I still talk to regularly. I have friends from school, and friends I've made working back home I still talk to. Outside of the new roommate, division of labor was a topic, her position has always been I work from home and not in a demanding job. I do more and accept that. My issue is she doesn't really make an attempt to do anything on her days off work either. It gets even worse because she took on an extra role at work cleaning the office for extra money. I go with her at least 3/4 weeks of the month and help so it takes her half the time, why can't she help around the house if I'm using my free time to help her specifically? Why do I do this? To keep her happy and make sure she knows I love and support her. I am not feeling supported, though.   Update: May 28, 2026 (three months later) UPDATE: My Wife Moved Her Friend in, and I Hate It It is around 4 and a half months of my wife's friend living with us. My wife has balked at the idea of couple's therapy, so I'm going on my own. I've reiterated to my wife that we need a game plan about how long her friend stays. I told her that I agreed to this, so telling her to just get out is not an option. However, we need to establish an end date, and I think 6 months is more than reasonable. Some new things have come to light. Alice has been going to her ex's place most weekends and they are trying to reconnect. I've honestly never rooted harder for someone else's relationship. Last weekend, Alice came home crying and wanting to talk. Not to me, obviously, so I excused myself to the bedroom. Here's what I've gathered. - Her ex said something while drunk about not seeing a future with her, that's why she's upset. - I assumed she was paying rent when she lived with him, and splitting bills and rent on a home, I estimated her contribution to be around $1400. I assumed 6 months of paying $250 a month would be more than enough time to get her affairs in order, get a deposit and first month rent, and be out. It turns out she paid no rent or share of bills, her ex paid everything. This is very worrisome to me now, because she lived with him 6 months without bills (other than her car payment) and didn't save anything. - Her plan has been to move back with him all along, staying here was supposed to be a temporary solution. Now we're over 4 months in, and she hasn't even looked for her own place. My wife is in agreement that 6 months is enough, reasonably, but is avoiding a conversation with her. I really can't see how it should be my responsibility to set this boundary seeing as it’s her friend, and she doesn’t want anything to do with me, however she needs adequate notice. My plan is to draft an eviction notice, and per state guidelines just give it to her at the 5 month mark simply saying 6 months is all we can do, it's time to find your own place. Editor’s note: OOP has made lots of responses, posting the significant details Some Relevant Comments Commenter 1: The friend isn't even the biggest issue here. Your wife doesn't seem to have any respect for you. She's trying to make it out as if you have exponentially more free time, just because you work from home. Realistically, all your saving is commute time. Maybe some time on lunch and morning prep. There's no reason you should be doing such a huge share of the household chores. Have you had any conversations with her about this? Is the dinner issue the only thing you've begun to discuss? Why isn't Alice contributing anything to housework? OOP: Alice cleans her room and her bathroom. My main priority has been getting my wife to tell her friend she's out after 6 months. The 6 month plan was established as reasonable between my wife and I after my first post. If she hasn't done that yet, I don't think she's going to have a conversation about contributing more. I just want her gone. I still have work to do in my marriage, but at least I won't be uncomfortable in my own home. Commenter 2: Wife is setting you up to be the fall guy for kicking her friend out. OOP: Yeah, this is the way I took it. It's going to fall to me so she can keep her friendship, and I'm sure I'll be framed as the asshole in their friend group - the same friends that didn't have room or means to help her let alone for 6 months. Sir, with all due respect, you're significantly older than I am and I think you know what you're doing, please rethink your situation. I understand there's a component of compromise expected in marital relationships but how much more can you put up with? You're stuck with someone in your house who lives in your house but doesn't show you respect. Your wife doesn't seem bothered by this behaviour at all. Can you not go somewhere else and work from 'home' there? Must you keep quiet and tolerate this seemingly indifferent behaviour towards you from people who are supposed to be grateful to you for things they can't be bothered to do? I can see why you wouldn't want to change your living situation at present, but I really want to give you a long hug and ask you to take a vacation lol. Your account of the incidents in your life are stressing me out. Please think about yourself. OOP: I'd be moving out of a home and then paying a mortgage and a rent. I'd be leaving my dogs who are a part of my family. I have no family in this city. Commenter 3: It’s been 20 years since you’ve been on a date, assuming you’re monogamous. You might have aged like fine wine. OOP: You have to understand I only did well at work. I was confident in my role serving tables, and that confidence, along with the high stress environment made me desirable to the women I worked with. I made people laugh, I was invited out, I thrived. Without that specific environment where I'm comfortable, a big fish in a small pond, I feel like I have nothing. That's how I met my wife, as servers. Commenter 4: I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I'm willing to bet your marriage is over and you'll be the one out the door when that eviction notice is served. You wife doesn't seem to give a damn about what you want in your home. You need to get your ducks in a row and call the squirrels back from the rave. Contact a lawyer about both the eviction and your legal rights pre-divorce. Couples therapy for one is a waste of time. OOP: Well I'm not leaving the home I pay for. It's in both our names. OOP on the comfort in his own home and Alice OOP: It seems to me more that she is uncomfortable with me being there, in my house. She'll leave a room if I walk into it. That is absolutely her right to do. I don't expect her time. I thought WE were friends, but she was friendly with me at events and gatherings, but friends with my wife. The effect of this is I am not comfortable in my home anymore. Maybe she is uncomfortable around older men, and that's absolutely fine. Don't ask to move in with an older couple. We were her last possibility in the friend group of my wife's, everyone else had already said no. OOP needs to talk with Alice and tell her she has to move out OOP: She's not my friend, she's my wife's friend. If she was my friend she wouldn't leave a room I entered and ignore a simple "hello". She did misrepresent herself. She said just a little time to save for an apartment. That wasn't her plan. I am having a lot of difficulty understanding how I am inconsiderate when this is my wife's friend. Alice took my wife to brunch and asked HER, not me to move in. I can't text her because I don't have her number. I communicate with her via my wife. Commenter 5: I really hope therapy is working out for you. What does your therapist think of this situation? OOP: That I'm entitled to my feelings of the roommate making me uncomfortable. I shouldn't be responsible for all the housework because I work from home. I need to work on communication skills to make expectations more clear. That last part is the real struggle. We've had this house for 6 years and have had COUNTLESS discussions where I am not yelling, but calmly stating that it isn't fair. What we're working on now is why she thinks she isn't responsible to help? Current theory is that wife is off Friday. She usually has nails or hair appointments, but a lot of times she'll see me watching TV or prepping dinner or cleaning something on Fridays. It's my slowest day and there isn't a lot to do. If I'm not actively assigned a task or case, I'm on call basically. This makes her feel like I do nothing, and I SHOULD be doing all the housework. Commenter 6: Why is your wife refusing to take part in couple's therapy? Did she also have a bad experience, or does she just not care about your relationship? OOP: I assume it's a bad experience. She just said, "I'm not doing that". I know she went to family therapy at a young age when her mom died in an accident, and I know it didn't go well based on the fact it was short lived. Commenter 7: Why did the friend move in at all if you were against it? Why were you overridden? OOP: I wasn't against it. My wife wanted to help her friend, I thought I was friends with her too, based on previous group interactions. When she moved in, it became very clear she was uncomfortable in the house if only I was home, and it's not because of my behavior. I feel like she knew she'd be uncomfortable in that setting, but asked anyway as a last resort. As a result, I am now uncomfortable in my own home. Commenter 8: I can never imagine me living in a home where I’m uncomfortable in. Like why did she even stay for over 4 months at this point? Are you sure your wife isn’t talking badly about you behind your back and that’s why A hates you? I hope not, but you seriously need to get your space back, and your wife’s respect, because what she is doing is so disrespectful. OOP: There's no way for me to be able to tell that. There is a friend group of her current and former work colleagues. I seem to get along with all of them. I went out with the husband of one of the women in that group one on one to hang out, and later met up with my wife and his. This was only a month ago, and it seemed fine. I have to feel like if she was talking shit it would have been to the group, not just the roommate. They often hang out together. OOP on having cameras for the house OOP: I have cameras in the living room and office because of dogs. I assume you comment is implicating my wife has suddenly become a lesbian and is in a relationship with the roommate. That simply cannot be true. I'll explain the same way I did in earlier comments. My wife and the roommate are never alone together. I go to the gym after work, but am home before my wife is to start dinner. Weekends are typically my wife and I going on dates or home with roommate seeing her ex, if not she's in her room. You could come up with crazy scenarios where my wife moves to roommates bedroom at night, but we sleep with our dogs and that action would wake me up.   Final Update here: BoRU #2   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/trowaway243121 My brother tried to pull a fast one on his wife and she did an uno reverse and I am laughing watching him scramble. Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU BoRU 1 TRIGGER WARNING: Neglect, weaponized incompetence Original Post Apr 9, 2026 My brother fake name Dick and his wife Ana have been having some serious marital problems which is 99% Dick's fault. Ana is a stay at home mom, goes to college online and has a side business with an MLM but whatever she has made some new friends and seems to be happier. Before they had kids Dick and Ana had a solid marriage. Ana told me after the kids came their marriage slowly went downhill and now its on life support. Ana does everything for the kids and Dick wants a medal for watching the kids for 30 minutes while Ana cooks dinner. He is more than capable of taking care of them but chooses to let Ana do everything if he can get away with it. The MLM Ana is involved with is having a big convention this week. We are locals but Ana decided to do a staycation and is staying at a hotel near the convention with her friends. This has been planned for months. Ana told Dick to take time off work and made it very clear she needed the break and this would be a really good opportunity to network. Over Christmas she asked him if he got approved for the time off and he said ya ya ya. I told her he is going to mess this up for you and she told me he better not. She called me in tears and Dick texted her that an emergency came up at work and he would not be able to take off. He had to put in long day on Tuesday and would be flying out on Wednesday. He was so sorry and would make it up to her. I thought she was going to have a breakdown she could barely talk. I told her to calm down and finish packing and pick her kids up from school. I said I would watch them until Dick got home. She did not want me in the middle. I told her fuck Dick and we've never been close and I did not give a damn how he reacted. I watched the kids until Dick strolled in at 10 pm and told him he was a selfish piece of shit on my way out the door. He blasted my phone and I put him on DND. I talked with Ana yesterday and he blasted her phone as well. She ended up telling him they could either get marriage counseling or see divorce lawyers his choice but he better stop calling her unless it was an emergency with the kids or she was calling to talk to them. He cooled his jets after being told that. He stopped by my house and I spoke to him through the ring camera and he asked ME what he was supposed to do with the kids. I asked him if he even bothered to request the time off from work and he would not answer me and said he had an important business trip. He said Ana won't give the contact info for their babysitters and asked me if I could watch the kids. I told him to get the fuck off my property with his bullshit. If he were any kind of parent he would already have the contact info for the babysitter. Ana prepped meals for the kids, organized all their clothes for the week and left a detailed itinerary of their schedule. What else does he need? Our parents and his in-laws won't return his calls. He is flying solo this week and had to cancel his alleged business trip. Ana says she will get to the bottom of that when she gets back home. I hope she has the best time with her friends. I hope Dick does not get a moment of peace. No one is buying his lies or coming to his rescue and I laugh when I think about it. Good luck bro. RELEVANT COMMENTS Original_Cranberry68 How old are the kids? In their fight the kids will be impacted - that dick will not feed them.. he needs to learn this but not with children getting messed up in between .. OOP The kids are 4 & 6. They will be fed and he is very capable of taking care of them and he will take good care of them. Ana is in close contact with them. The issue is he tried to sabotage her staycation because he is selfish. collectif-clothing I think he wasn't just trying to sabotage, it sounds like he had some side action planned as well. OOP I believe he is very capable of that. That is whole other can of worms Ana has chosen not to currently pursue. If he was planning some side action it won't be happening this week. ~ Intersection_Novel1997 I’d advise Ana to consult a divorce lawyer regardless. OOP I see this stunt being the final straw. ~ bandashee at least Ana knows she's got support and OP is an absolute BOSS for being an awesome bestie. I'd be getting their favorite snacks/candies every week for several months as a thank you for ass covering. Holy crap Dick is an incompetent....dick. I'm sorry, did he forget he's the DAD to these kids not just the sperm donor? OOP He thinks because he is the bread winner that means his work is done. Our dad is nothing like that. I told Ana to keep me posted and I will keep you guys posted. ~ LadyMacGuffin She'll get better behavior from him as an ex-husband. With the courts mandating his parental effort under pain of contempt. There's no way he requested that time off. And I would LOVE to see what a judge would do with that sort of bs during proceedings. OOP I don't believe for a second he requested time off. As crazy as it sounds he would probably be a more involved father if they got a divorce. Update Apr 13, 2026 I got a lot of messages for updates so I am going to leave it in the comments. I'm going to start with the good news first. Ana is going to divorce Dick. Thanks to a family member she was able to get an appointment with a lawyer this week. She comes very highly recommended. When Ana came home on Sunday night Dick was waiting with a suitcase and said it was his turn to take a vacation and he left!!! No arguing he just left. In his warped mind his silence is meant to punish Ana but he is just making her life easier. While he is gone she is going to be making copies of all the financial documents she can find. She hopes he really teaches her a lesson and stays gone. The house was a wreck. She moved all of Dick's crap from the master bedroom into his office. All his shit is laying on the floor. You can't even walk in there. There is not even room for a twin air mattress. The kids enjoyed their time with Dick. They were asking for him today and want to spend time with him. Ana called him and he did answer and spoke with the kids and told them he was on a business trip. She is going to file for joint custody. If he does not want 50% custody then he will have to turn it down on the record. She also found out last Tuesday when he was supposed to be watching the kids he was tagged in a picture at a bar playing pool. So much for working. He did not even untag himself which shows he really does not give a fuck. He doesn't love Ana or like her but he must hate her to act like that. I don't get it. He absolutely disgusts me. That is all I have to update. NEW UPDATE Update 2 Apr 24, 2026 I finally caught up with Ana. She decided not to go with the lawyer she consulted with originally. She found a new lawyer that was a better fit. He specializes in high conflict/asset divorces and has years of experience dealing with men that have Dick's need for control. There is a lot of behind the scenes information gathering that needs to be done before Dick is served. The lawyer said he needs 3-4 weeks. When it's real life the process is much longer. Ana was warned if they go into litigation the divorce can drag on for 1-2 years if she is lucky so to prepare herself. The lawyer emphasized to Ana not to tell him their marriage is over until the papers are filed with the court and a process server has been lined up. She is going to tell him she filed for divorce and have him served within minutes. I don't remember the legal term but there is an automatic order in place with the filing neither party will be able to make unilateral decisions regarding their marital assets which basically prevents Dick from pulling any shady shit. If he does then that is what her lawyer is there for. Her demeanor is different from when I last saw her. She is confident and had this I don't give a fuck attitude. Whatever love she used to have for Dick is well and truly dead. I see it. When she talked about him it was with the same contempt he has for her. She was talking about him like I do. After they get their temporary orders (she has no hope of them coming to a temp agreement) she said the only communication she will have with him is through lawyers and a parenting app. After strategizing with her lawyer and coming up with a plan she feels like she has her life back and some direction. I felt like I was talking to a stranger but I love this new confidence and determination she has. Dick was gone all week to god knows where. Ana did not contact him one time unless the kids wanted to speak with him. It was radio silence on her end. In the past she always kept in close touch and would pick his sorry ass up from the airport. Due to her distance Dick knew he was in trouble. There was no shock on his end when his office was trashed and Ana told him he would be sleeping there moving forward. He had the audacity to ask how long she was going to be angry. He is treating this like a temper tantrum she is throwing. She used his asinine question as a chance to inform him how things would be moving forward. Keeping her lawyers advice in mind she told him that its going to take her a long time to get past what he did and he needs to give her lots of space. I can picture that sob now thinking he is off the hook and better behave himself until they go back to normal. Ana said she wanted to throw up in her mouth saying that but she needed to lull him into a false sense of security. She also brought up his lack of involvement with the kids and told him moving forward he would be the primary caregiver every other weekend and he needed to pay attention to them in the evening without being prompted. I don't think he can see what is in front of him due to his arrogance. If my husband kicked me out of the bedroom and told me I was taking care of our kids by myself every other weekend I would know a divorce was coming. For the first time ever Dick has taken the kids to school every day this week without being asked so he is using his kids to try and get back in Ana's good graces. He has no idea what is coming his way. I wanted to address the MLM Ana is involved with. I really regret saying she was involved with one because it detracted from the real issues in her marriage and took on a life of its own. I first want to say Ana spends her fun money on the mlm. Dick would have lost his mind if she used "his" money. Her involvement in my personal opinion is based on the friendships she has made. I also think depression left her vulnerable to being entangled with them. I'm not going to tell her she is idiot for joining one. I tried to warn her but she told me she knew what she was doing. I'm hoping she no longer feels the need for those friendships after she is free of Dick if they are conditional like I suspect. Ana is laying low and Dick is behaving so I don't think there will be an update until he gets served. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/These-Nectarine7815 Originally posted to r/AITAH & r/TwoHotTakes AITAH For not wanting to help with house bills after my BF’s mother claimed ownership of my dog Editor's note: changed letters to names and added paragraph breaks for ease of readability Trigger Warnings: animal abuse / cruelty, emotional manipulation, entitlement, verbal abuse, possible financial coercion Editor's note: the original post's body text was saved before it got removed Original Post: March 26, 2026 Sorry in advance for the length and/or any tangents I get into.. For context: My boyfriend (M26) and I (F28) had to move out of our apartment back in August 2025 (due to financial reasons such as job loss) and were planning on moving into and renting his parents old house since they had just bought a new one. Come to find out two or so weeks before we’re set to move (we were mostly packed by then) that change of plans; his parents were no longer together, and his father would be staying in the old house instead. Our options were either the basement of the old house or a room/basement of the new one. We chose the new house and moved in pretty quickly. (As of today we still only have access to one room for reasons I can explain later if anyone is interested but it’s not important right now) Back in Octoberish, both of his parents sat us down and explained we needed to get jobs to help out. Now, originally his mother had said we could stay at her house and save up for a new place once we were back on our feet. No plan of how much we would contribute was ever discussed, it was all very vague and sounded more like they just wanted us to save up and move more quickly, if anything. (This family has a habit of being extremely vague when discussing anything of importance, BF even has issues telling details of previous conversations when I ask bc “why is that important” or “we didn’t discuss that”) I was able to pass a licensing test I had been studying for previously and landed a job interview for November 2025 at the local hospital for my profession. The decision making process for said interview took a while and I didn’t end up starting work until mid-January 2026, but I have been working consistently since then and paying off debt as I go. BF was in the process of renewing his license but needed to take a certain amount of hours of classes in order to do so, which he has been doing painfully slowly (self-paced classes). To this day he still has not completed that task and remains unemployed. He has high amounts of stress and likes to relax by playing PC games, which I get bc I too love PC games and we often game together, but he will play all day until I get home and then switch over to his classes (sometimes and more often only if I bring it up). Now, for what’s happened most recently: His mother and I got into a confrontation over a dog that came to live with us in January shortly before I started working. Petra (the dog) almost immediately started clinging to me and would follow me everywhere. At a family dinner, his father and sister even acknowledged that she was basically my dog and had chosen me by how she never wanted to leave my lap. His mother worked most days then and wasn’t home often, so I got a lot of quality time with the pup. She later lost her job due to health reasons and has been unable to start a new one yet and since I am mostly working now Petra spends the days with her in the living room until I come home. Petra sleeps with us at night as well and her food and puppy pad is in our room. It has recently come to my attention that his mother was not using a leash when taking Petra outside to play. I brought this up to her and requested that she use one when she takes Petra outside. She took this as a personal attack on her skills in training dogs/intelligence. I tried to explain that I wasn’t at all saying anything about her personally, just that accidents can happen and we live on a fairly busy road (road in front of the house turns from highway to town right in front so speed limit is 55 mph and then drops to 40mph somewhere in front of the house). She could not comprehend this and instead got heated and called me a child and that I wasn’t going to say it, but she knew what I meant, etc. Somewhere during this I asked her if Petra was her dog as she was not listening to my wishes and she responded vaguely that it was “up to me” whose dog she was but wouldn’t give me a straight answer. BF was there for the fight, but he hates confrontation, so he was trying to tell both of us to shut up essentially and move on. Eventually, I realized there was absolutely no convincing this woman that I wasn’t attacking her personally and disengaged. We were on our way outside bc BF had spent the day making a fire pit with spare bricks from the yard for our 5 year anniversary (that day), so we headed to the backyard. Obviously, I was a bit distressed and frustrated, so I took a seat by the pit and tried to calm down. I texted my mom bc I needed someone to talk to about the situation that wasn’t my BF bc he is biased towards his family pretty hard and was already upset with me for “starting a fight”. I decided pretty quickly that I wanted away from the whole situation for a while so I asked him if he could get my purse and jacket from the house so I didn’t have to go back in and we could have a fire the next day since I had to work that day but would be off the next so we could stay up later for the fire. He agreed and came back out after a few minutes with my items, followed by his mother who was still very angry and screaming that I couldn’t take Petra anywhere in my car. I ignored her until she went inside and then got in my car with Petra and drove to my mom’s to talk with her and vent. I brought Petra back later that night (maybe 2 hours later) and went to sleep. Got up for work the next day as usual and left Petra in our room sleeping with BF as usual. I recently set up cameras in the room so I could check on Petra and BF and the room in general as our door has no lock… I get a notification from the camera during my work day that a person was detected and looked to see his mother opening our door and taking Petra from our room. Immediately, I’m furious at the invasion of privacy and call BF to talk to his mom and put Petra back in the room with him. I get no update until hours later that he is out in the living room with them and everything is fine (his words). I can’t do anything until I get off work, but when I got home I immediately put my stuff in the room and then came back out and went straight for Petra on his mother’s lap. She yelled at me and said I couldn’t take Petra with me and put an arm around Petra to stop me from grabbing her, I went in any way to take her, and she pushed me down onto the floor and stood over me yelling. It escalated from there, I yelled at her about calling the police for assault if she ever touched me again and to never come into our room again, she yelled that Petra is HER dog and goes where SHE says and she has text messages showing where Petra was given to her specifically. BF has to physically put an arm between us and tries to calm us down but he’s not choosing a side and saying we were both in the wrong. insults get thrown out (on his mother’s side, I never once insulted her or her character) and she threatens to call the cops to have me removed and that I need to get my shit out now and BF called her childish for some of the things she said. Petra is cowering behind her on the chair, so I start calling for her and she comes (of course) but is immediately snatched away by his mother. We were at a standstill for a while, I wanted Petra with me, and she wanted Petra with her. BF told me to go the room (his mother also said that but more in the way of “go to your room”…she’s f44 btw.) but I said not without Petra, and he said he’d be in there later with her and I told him she better be in the room by tonight and left. I texted my family bc at this point I’m convinced I’ve been kicked out and have nowhere to go and needed help, so I send out an SOS to try to figure things out. 9/10pm BF comes in with Petra and explained that Petra has to spend the days with his mom and will come to the room to sleep with us at night. I’m obviously not happy but I don’t want to continue arguing so we go to sleep. I’m off the next day so I sleep in and block the door with something heavy just in case, we wake up maybe around 1pm and BF says he got a text from his mom that Petra needed to be out of the room NOW. He pleads with me to just let her go out and that it wasn’t my dog anyway and it’s her house her rules and that’s the proper thing to do. I’m absolutely heartbroken at this point bc he’s siding with her and claiming I’m the problem in the situation. I try to show him how she’s being petty and knows Petra means a lot to me and is weaponizing her to hurt me bc she thinks I said something I didn’t! BF will hear none of this, almost like he couldn’t possibly think of his mother like that, and says we’re both being ridiculous and Petra is not my dog period and to just let her go. I don’t remember how he convinces me, but she leaves to go out in the living room with his mom, and I don’t get her again until that night. The next two days proceeds in this way, but on one of them Petra came into the room during his mother’s “allotted time”, and she SCREAMED at BF to get Petra out NOW, etc. I tried to make him see reason, that Petra wanted to be in here with me, but he didn’t care, her house her rules and she’s not my dog so suck it up basically. That hurt deeply. He said I crossed a line trying to get Petra from his mom’s lap (he was in the other room when it happened and didn’t see, and she claims she was defending herself… she was in no immediate danger as I was reaching for Petra and not her.) That was about a week ago and since then I have a tentative place to stay but it hasn’t been finalized yet, and there’s also the issue of maybe getting Petra out of the house without his mother knowing when I move. I’ve come to realize at this point that she would have to formally evict me to get me out and cops would tell her the same thing since I’ve been living here and get mail (established residency). I would like to get Petra microchipped so she is definitively mine, I even had a vet appointment set up for her shots when shit hit the fan but couldn’t go bc of BFs mother going batshit anytime Petra is out of her sight. Things have escalated. Since BFs mother isn’t working she hasn’t been paying the bills and right before the fight BF said she asked him if he could ask me to contribute to any of them for her. He told me this after the fact and I told him after what she’s said/done that she’s not seeing a dime from me. I took back all of my things from mutual areas (dishes, mop and bucket as she didn’t have one when we moved in, etc.) BF said I’m trying to start fights and told me to drop it and let her do what she wants. I haven’t spoken to her since that last fight, and I told him I would stand up for myself and the fact that Petra is my dog. I’ve also asked him over and over to talk to her if he wanted peace so bad bc she’s the one perpetrating the situation by restricting Petra so harshly and disrespecting me, he claims he did talk to her, but it would take time and I needed to “give him time” to work things out and settle everything back down and then maybe after time she’ll let me have Petra again…. (Forgot to mention, she claims Petra is hers until BF and I find a place together, at which case Petra would move with us but she was most definitely not my dog.) Here’s where I’m asking if I’m TAH: I get a text from BF today asking if I can contribute ANYTHING bc EVERYTHING is about to be shut off “in a few days” and they/we were about to lose everything without help. He said his father was coming over today to talk with us all about what has been going on. I asked him what that meant and he said about us not contributing to bills. I reminded him that I wouldn’t be doing that after what had happened and he kept pleading and begging and claiming he’d pay me back (with what money) and that I need to pay for the amenities I use too. (Also forgot to mention his father is finding out soon, like two days out soon if he has cancer or not so that’s why he can’t help with the bills bc he has no money either right now.. and of course that’s been hard on BF bc he is very close to his parents and he’s very sensitive to conflict of any kind) he claimed they weren’t even mad about the dog thing and it’s really all about us not helping out and asked me again if I could help. I told him I would absolutely not help, unless his mother stops with the restrictions and puts in writing that Petra is my dog. He told me to drop the dog thing and to do this for him and really it would be him paying bc he’d be paying me back (again,,, with what money) He claims I don’t care about him or trust him and that I don’t get to make terms/conditions in this situation. He says that his dad had stormed off before I got home bc they were having a screaming match and everyone was crying out in the front yard about the situation (later discovered through BF that they had said some pretty shitty things to him about him not working and are using him to get to me essentially, like he needs to control me kind of thing. This was pried with much effort from BF, and he still hasn’t told me fully what happened/what was said during the fight.) I am sticking to my “No” and when I got home today he was very moody and depressed. He hasn’t spoken more than a few words to me and expects me to change my mind to fix everything for him/them. He said he’s even considering if WE will make it through this conflict, as in we are essentially breaking up if I don’t pay the bills. He sees this as me fucking him and his family over and not caring what happens. I told him I wasn’t going to be financially manipulated into paying anything. He’s currently sleeping on the couch alone. Has only come in to “check on me” to see if I’ve changed my mind. I haven’t. SO AITAH for not wanting to pay the bills after ALL of this?? Sorry for the long post, sorry if it’s not concise or doesn’t make sense. Just please let me know bc I’m losing my mind here and I feel like another crazy thing is going to happen tomorrow or something. I’m constantly in fight or flight mode trying to think of how I can safely get all of my things out of this house and also them not taking any of my things to sell or throw away (he already floated the idea of selling a lot of his things to help with bills) and I work all the time in top of this happening. AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions Relevant Comments Commenter 1: ESH. This wall of text is full of red flags attached to every participant. The overriding one above all is, who goes to live with someone when they're out of options, and goes out and gets a dog? OOP: Petra came to live with us while BF’s mom was still working. She was found in a dumpster behind a gas station and BFs sister brought her to live here with us. Idk about the texts saying she was given to BFs mom but that’s what she’s claiming. As far as I’m concerned, since she was rescued and not adopted she can legally be my dog if I get her chipped and vaccinated. Proof of care and such. Commenter 2: Then the sister is the dog’s owner and gets to decide who she gifts Petra to. I really don’t think you can claim Petra as yours specifically. OOP: What’s funny is I’m my BF’s sister’s maid of honor in her wedding next year, well maybe not now that all of this has happened. Regardless, she was one of the first to say Petra is my dog/she claimed me. I wasn’t even a dog person before this :,) but she convinced me she’s my dog. Unsure, haven’t checked in with her yet. But legally, if Petra is microchipped to me and I have established care with vaccines/vet visits she would be mine. I’m just unsure if I should go through with doing all of that. Commenter 3: YTA for not getting the dog you’ve had since JANUARY chipped and vaccinated. you should’ve taken a sick day while the mom was working to handle that if she was resisting giving the dog medical attention - it should at LEAST have had a checkup after living in a dumpster. take a long hard look at how you handle responsibilities - you’re living somewhere for free and you really couldn’t take the dog to a vet? it’s time to hand that dog over to a rescue, you’re a bad pet owner. you’re all weird and immature for putting that poor animal through all of this meaningless stress. on top of it all, you live there for FREE and refuse to contribute to bills? pay some money for the utilities you used like an adult and go back to your family. your boyfriend’s family is falling apart and clearly none of you are mentally equipped to handle it. you all need therapy, and that dog needs a new home. you’re all assholes. OOP: Found in a dumpster doesn’t mean she was living in one. She was healthy and clean and came pre potty trained, so clearly taken care of. She has a green mark on her belly showing she’s been fixed previously so I know she’s been to a vet before. No one claimed her so that’s why we have her. Previous to all of this mess, I asked my BF if there was anything I could help with and to talk to his mom about me helping and if so how much. This was a month or so ago. He never let me know an amount or that she even needed help with anything. Communication tends to go through him since I’m working different shifts and tend to miss her at home. I agree we all need therapy lmao, thank you for your insight Commenter 4: This family is a nightmare, and you should forget about the relationship with BF as it’s either realistically already ended or it absolutely needs to. But I don’t think everything can be laid at their door when they’re dealing with pronounced poverty and possibly increasing medical bills any day now. A cancer diagnosis would be another horror on top. Yes OP is probably correct about ending up on the hook for bills forever (but why not already contributing if living RENT-FREE when the money troubles are obvious), but ultimately it doesn’t sound like the group is pulling together but is taking out their genuine stresses on one another. OP, you should pay existing share of bills and then leave forever - without Petra, who is not your dog. OOP: It wasn’t obvious, though. Like I said, this family doesn’t really discuss anything in detail. They hide a lot of what they’re going through. Gatherings usually consist of sitting around a tv eating a meal and that’s it. No talking unless it’s about the weather or what they did that day. So I didn’t know how bad it was with the bills. Last I’d heard we were to live here rent free in order to save for our own place. Them sitting us down in October was troubling and I didn’t fully understand why bc they don’t TALK or DISCUSS, just vague things I assumed meant buy food or restock things as you use them, which I’ve been doing.   Update: April 23, 2026 (nearly one month later) I’m back with an update. The OG post got taken down in the AITAH subreddit for cross posting here (and so did the update for not asking for judgement…which I feel was implied but whatever. Anyway please judge away) so I’ve included it in this update for convenience. Update at end of post! UPDATE: This was roughly a month ago. Since then, things have gotten worse. It had been really tense in the house. I would rarely come out of the room and only if she had gone to bed for the night, so I didn’t have to interact with her. I would also like to stress that getting Petra out of the house for any reason was extremely hard for me to do. I had to reschedule her vet appointment a few times bc BFs mom would be home unexpectedly, or I wouldn’t be able to leave work in time. I also would have to leave with her without BF knowing, which was also impossible. As the days went on, she seemed to loosen her rules to where Petra was spending whole days with me, which was nice but also kinda shows that she’s really only mad at me for standing up for myself and going against what she wants me to do and not bc she really cared about Petra being hers. I set up cameras in our room to catch her when she comes in to take Petra while I’m at work, which she hadn’t done in a while due to me getting home before she did (she started a new job). That was until this past Friday. BF was gone from Thurs-Sunday on a camping trip with the men of his family, so he wasn’t home. She must have gotten let out of work early because I got a notification on the camera of a person in the room. She had let Petra out. Because of the no contact I had with her (I would avoid talking to her when I got home on my later shifts) and because BF was the one who normally went and got Petra from her when she went to bed, this would mean she would most likely keep her for the weekend away from me. It’s important to note that Petra has not once spent a night without me since we got her in January (Like I said, she is my dog). This infuriated me, obviously. When I got home that day, Petra greeted me at the door, not what I had expected. Usually BFs mom would have Petra in her lap and not let her go to me. I swooped down, grabbed her, and left. BFs mom followed me once she realized and yelled that I would be arrested for theft, but I ignored her and drove to my mom’s house. Idk why this was the last straw for me, why this made me realize my living situation was unsafe for both me and Petra, but it was. That night, I rented a U-Haul for the next day, rented a storage unit in town, and confirmed my two brothers (and one of their friends) would help me move. We definitely surprised her when we showed up. My first priority was my two cats I had left. Once I secured them, I went to walk out the door, but she stopped me and said I had better have everything I needed because I wouldn’t be let back in. I know my rights as a resident, so I knew legally that wouldn’t fly. The plan was to call the police if she gave us push back during the move, so I pulled out my phone to call the non-emergent police line for help mediating and while I was on the phone with them she backed down and said she wouldn’t lock the door but that I would only have today (Saturday) to get all of my things out. I hung up my call (it was still going over the automated menu when she caved) and continued what I was doing. My brothers were busy loading up most of the boxes from when we had moved previously (kept in her garage), except for the ones that obviously contained my BFs stuff. I boxed up the bedroom. We got it done in 4 hours, from U-Haul pick up to drop off. I am now in a temporary living situation with all of my animals (Petra included). We are safe. I can walk to the kitchen and not have to worry about her being there. I can take my dog for walks and not worry if she would “let me”. Or attack me. Or yell at me. Nothing. I’m free. Petra has a vet appointment scheduled for my next day off, where she will be vaccinated, looked over, and microchipped. I am also registering her with the state. All legal ways to make sure she is once and for all my dog. Period. I am currently applying to every known pet friendly apartment in town and hoping one of them won’t care I’ve only been working for three months at my current job. I have money saved from refusing to give any to BF or his mom. (He asked me for money on my birthday btw…. Who does that??) Also turns out BFs dad CAN help with bills and HAS been helping with bills. So the situation wasn’t as dire as they were making it seem I guess. BF requested he be kept out of the situation when his mom messaged him frantically on Friday when I took Petra. I obliged, and he had no idea I had moved out until he got home Sunday. Relationship is currently tentative. Possibly nonexistent but there’s not been any closure yet as he only wants to talk about me bringing Petra back. Not happening. Everything is really fresh, and I’m still pretty scared until I have Petra officially registered to me so I might be dragging that on until everything is confirmed. His mother claims she took out a protective order against me (ironic) and a lawsuit and claimed I would be served by Monday. I still haven’t seen anything to do with that so I’m thinking she was bluffing or it got dropped due to lack of evidence. Or maybe they can’t find me. Who knows. But if it is real I’ll file to get both dismissed. So that’s it! I’m scared, but I’m out. I understand the consensus was ESH or NTA, it was back and forth. You may not agree with how I handled things but I’m just glad I’m out. And Petra is with me. Thank you for reading my novel of drama lol sorry no td;lr, this is too long to summarize. Overall with this update AITAH? TIA Relevant Comments OOP responds to a long thread regarding Petra not being leashed in a fenced yard OOP: Not a fenced in yard. Busy road started where the yard ended, mere feet from the house. There is no fencing anywhere around the house. She also has a pitbull that gets put on a chain steps away from the front door when she’s taken outside. BF’s mom treats her like garbage. When she was working Stella (pitbull) was locked in a crate all day. I tried taking her out a few times and even took her outside (on a leash) to run around for a few hours before BF’s mom got home but Stella was far too rowdy for me to control. Bc she never gets freedom I think, she goes crazy when she’s given anything that’s fun. When she DID get home, she yelled at Stella. Like YELLED, to where I could hear in the room, it was horrific. That poor dog, I wish I could’ve taken her too but I’m not that crazy. Made being in that house ten times worse when she was home as well, bc she did nothing but yell at Stella, and smack her with a fly swatter (she claims not her hand) Stella was heavily restricted from doing ANYTHING a normal dog could and should do. Some days she was only allowed to sit on an armchair and not move. When I did come out of the room with her home (rare) Stella would come up to me for pets, but the mom would SCREAM at her like she had done something wrong, didn’t even give her a chance TO do something wrong. That was before the fight, and when she still liked me so it wasn’t bc Stella came up to me, but bc she didn’t want Stella to jump on me (which Stella would do bc I don’t discipline her, for obvious reasons). Bc of her treatment of Stella I restricted Petra’s time with his mother as much as I could. I couldn’t trust her around Petra after what I’ve seen her do to Stella. That’s why Petra was always in our room, typically with BF who doesn’t move from his computer. This is also why I don’t like his mother, among other things. She’s a horrible person. This is also why I have no regrets taking Petra away from her and that situation. I argued with BF on multiple occasions to talk to his mother about her treatment of Stella, but he has no backbone. I didn’t want to start a fight so I didn’t talk to his mother about it, not that it would do anything anyway. She takes any criticism as personal attacks and starts dramatic fights over it. OOP on her relationship with her boyfriend and him taking his mother's side OOP: TBH I felt the relationship die the moment he told me he was on his mother’s side about all of this. I haven’t officially ended it yet bc of the legality issue needing to be resolved with Petra and the (possible nonexistent) protective order. It’s tough to throw away a 5 year relationship cold turkey. I still care for him, like I know he CAN be a good person. He was when I met him, he’s just been through a lot to get to this point of apathy. I don’t see a future with him; I want kids and his mother would make that a nightmare, and I wouldn’t be able to rely on him to defend me and our children. I’ll keep y’all posted though. Commenter 1: Info. Who pays for the vet bills, pet food & such? OOP: I pay for all dog food, treats, toys, puppy pads, etc. She came to the house the same month I started working so I could handle those things. I paid for my food, my toiletries, etc. just not traditional bills like they wanted me to. Petra has a morning routine with me, as do all of my pets (they get treats in the morning when I’m leaving for work) she came puppy pad trained so only went outside to run around mostly but even then she didn’t like being outside much. Wants to be carried always, very spoiled lol. She’s a small dog. I was unable to get her to the vet while I was living in the house, as I have stated. But I am taking her for vaccines and a check up on my next off day. Appointment is already scheduled. She will get microchipped as well. The mother never cared for her until this drama happened. Like never really cared where she was, who fed her, if she WAS fed, etc. Clearly doesn’t care for her wellbeing if she took her outside without a leash on a busier road. Texts are between BF’s sister and mother (sister picked up dog when no one claimed her on a fb page. Dog was found in locked dumpster area behind a gas station) sister dumped her at mothers house essentially (sister has lots and lots of animals of her own) but texts do not show established care like vet records do, like receipts for dog food/treats/toys do. I have hundreds of photos of us together, days of her spent with me for proof. She is MY dog. I didn’t steal anything.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Silver_Salt7600 Originally posted to r/Marriage My wife asked for an open marriage. She is angry at my reaction. I need advice. Trigger Warnings: infidelity, physical assault, emotional manipulation, verbal abuse Original Post: April 11, 2026 We've been married 5 years. No kids. Both 30. Both professionals. was happy. I thought she was too. Things have been tense between us lately and I'm not sure why. Then she sits me down for a "talk" this past Tuesday. I thought she was finally going to tell me what was bothering her. Instead, she gave me a "we're still young and we can try new things speech". Then asks for an open marriage. I was not prepared for that and was just stunned. I couldn't come up with anything to say. I was just shocked at the request. I think she was encouraged and kept selling it to me. By the time she paused for a response I had gotten me head together. I was pissed but kept completely calm and told her in no uncertain terms I was not OK with this. We went back and forth for a little bit, and the conversation began getting angry so we both agreed to put it on the shelf for later when we were calm. You could reach out and touch the bad energy in the house after that. We spoke again last night, and it didn't go well. She was really selling it hard, talked down my objections, called me jealous and controlling and a bunch of other things I probably shouldn't repeat. It really blew up when I finally agreed to it but did it in a VERY nasty way. She took the win though and said, "it will make our marriage stronger". I told her no. This ends with us divorced. She was instantly angry again and asked why I would say that. I told her this goes one of two ways. She will hook up with other men, and I'll hate her for it. And even if that doesn't happen, I'll start dating and meet a woman that wants to have a monogamous relationship with me, and I'll leave you for her. 100%. She completely lost it at that point, threw a glass at me, cursed me out so loud the neighbors came out to see what was going on. I told her if she gets this angry because I'm not ok with my wife f----g other men maybe we should just skip all the BS and separate right now. That’s where this is going anyway. I was FURIOUS at this point. I grabbed my phone, car key, and left. She was still screaming at me as I drove away. So now I'm at the Holiday Inn. I went to the liquor store next door and bought a bottle of Knob Creek and was up half the night drinking it by the pool on ice from a Styrofoam cup. Then walked up to the room and passed out. I woke up an hour ago and have been sitting in the room thinking over my whole f----g life and where it went wrong. She has called more the 20 times, but I have nothing to say to her right now. And even if we did talk where do we even begin to fix this? Can this be fixed? Is going back to talk to her even a good idea? I don't even see what good can come of it. Maybe it really is time to be talking to lawyers. We've always gotten along so well I am at a loss on what to do next. I don't want a divorce but she's asking me for something I can't give. Any advice is appreciated. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: You say you've gotten along so well in the past, but you're also very blase about her throwing shit at you, it seems to me. Have you really? Is this this first time she's gotten abusive with you? A glass to the face could seriously hurt you. Is this the first time she's screamed insults at you? If yes, then maybe this is a sign of a mental health crisis and maybe, with professional help, it could get better. But if, as I suspect, she's displayed these behaviors before, if, then you should leave her. OOP: No nothing like this. She has a bad temper but has never done anything physical. Commenter 2: An open marriage needs two enthusiastic yesses. I agree with other people...she met someone she wants to fuck, or is already fucking them. If it isn't that, she would have come to you at least once with specific things she feels like she's missing....like "I want you to go down on me more". If she asked repeatedly and you never did it, I guess I could see asking to open without a person in mind but just feeling unfulfilled, but you didn't suggest it was anything like this. OOP: I was thinking along these lines myself. We are... or were I guess, pretty active sexually. 3-4 times a week and sometimes all night. There is nothing I wouldn't do for or to her if she wanted it. This just came up out of the blue. A week ago I thought we were doing great. Additional Information from OOP after the comments: OOP: Just answered one of her calls. She's crying and apologizing. She want to sit down and talk. I have a splitting headache/hangover and need a shower. Then I'll go see where things stand with her.   Editor's note: OOP has tried to make an edit onto his original post, but it was locked so he made a separate post Update #1: April 11, 2026 (same day, nine hours later) My Wife asked for open marriage. She is angry at my reaction. I need advice. Previous thread was locked for some reason. My wife asked for an open marriage. She is angry at my reaction. I need advice: r/Marriage I went home and we spoke for a few hours. You guys were right. There is someone else. Someone she works with. She said she hasn't done anything yet but wants to. He's in an open marriage or so she says. I wonder if his wife knows that? Anyway even after all that has happened she still wouldn't let go of it. She said I will never even know it's happening. She won't let it interfere with our lives. Does she seriously think that make it ok? She actually said this would make her a better partner. She said she still loves me and wants to be with me. I was just looking at her than wondering who the hell this person is and what happened to my wife. I told her there is a word for that and she has lost her mind if she thought I'd tolerate it. I told her she's chosen him and now we're done. I told her I'd contact her next week to discuss details. I packed up more of my stuff and went back to the hotel. Our finances are mostly separated, and the house is a rental thank God. I froze the joint credit cards and the joint savings. Is there anything else I need to do? I still can't f----g believe this has happened. 8 years together, 5 married and it's completely destroyed in one day over pure selfishness. I'm going to finish that bottle and hope tomorrow will be better. I doubt it but at least it won't be worse. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Tell the guys wife. He’s definitely cheating. OOP: Probably yeah. Sounds like the kind of BS men say to get a woman in bed. Commenter 2: You should mess with her a bit. One, call the other wife on speaker phone in front of her. Ask her if her marriage is open. Then call her parents and tell them that your marriage is ending and thank them for accepting you into the family, and then tell them you’re sorry your wife chose her affair partner over her husband. Put her in a corner she can’t get out off without telling the truth. Then let her know that he chose someone that just wants in her pants, and she threw her marriage away for nothing. Check your cell phone records for the number of calls and texts between them. OOP: 1) Not getting involved in that whole mess. I don't know who this guy is or who is wife is and to tell you the truth, don't care. To hell with them. 2) Yeah I am going to call them today. That is a great way to do it. Thanks for that idea. 3) I don't care about controlling any kind of narrative. I don't much care what her friends think. Family either really, but they do deserve an explanation. 4) No fault state. Doesn't matter what she did or why she did it. So here phones records and what she did or didn't do mean nothing. Additional Comments from OOP after responding in this first update OOP: Just to answer some questions. I know drowning myself in Kentucky's finest isn't heathy. I don't care. I won't be able to sleep tonight without it. For what it's worth I thought I was lucky to have her. Now I wish I'd never met her. The conversation today started civil an even pleading on her part. It ended in hostility because of course it did. Something that begins in misery tends to end there. You know I think I really hate her now. Tuesday morning I kissed her when I got home from work. If you told me where I'd be four days later I wouldn't have believed it. I don't know who the guy is. And to tell you the truth I don't care. It doesn't change anything. I'm just done. Done with all of it. You guys think she will want to come back? No f----g way. If I were her I'd never be able to look me in the eye after this. I'm just done. + Woke up around 6:30 this morning. Got violently sick. Spent 5 minutes kneeling before the porcelain throne. Felt like total shit. Took a long hot shower. Still felt sick. Room spinning. Then I realized I haven't eaten anything since Friday morning. Walked across the street to Dennys. Had a great breakfast and now working on my second pot of coffee. I feel a little better. I turned my phone back on (obviously because I’m typing this post on it). She texted and left a VM. Didn't read. Didn't listen. Don't care. I'm reading through everyone’s advice. I am so grateful to everyone for the advice and support. In the last thread too. I sent an email to work requesting leave. I can't do my job if I'm distracted or not 100% focused and I' m just not. I made a list of family law practices to call tomorrow morning. According to the law offices of Google, Google, and Google I should be ok. House is rented with only a few months left. We had a joint savings we both contributed to for a down payment on a house. Well, that isn't going to happen. We'll split that I guess. The rest... who knows. She has her salary, retirement, and debt. I have mine. All separate. Someone sent a message and asked if I was worried she might see this. She might. This isn't my real reddit name, but the details are pretty obvious so maybe she will. If YOU (you know who you are) do see this, I don't give a damn. I don't want to know about you or what you do. I'm done. Enjoy your bright future of reckless promiscuity and I hope you find it's worth the price you just paid for it. + I called her folks. She's there and has already told them what she wanted them to hear. I knew right away when her mom said this was a misunderstanding and we can work it out. It didn't get any better from there. The upshot it if she's there, she's not home so I can go get more of my stuff. OOP responds to a comment about his wife's mother and the phone conversation OOP: Her mom thinks my wife just has a crush on someone that she hasn't done anything about and I "flipped out". Mom thinks my reaction is unreasonable. She would be right if that were the truth. I told her to ask my wife isn't telling her the truth. And this isn't a "rough patch". This is the end. I recoded our conversation yesterday afternoon. I told her mom is she want to listen to it I'll send it. OOP's final comment for this original and update posts OOP: I wanted to thank everyone for the advice, encouragement sometimes the laughs. I was in a really dark place, and you all helped me when I needed it. I am very grateful. Hopefully I will have representation lined up tomorrow. I have narrowed the list to three different practices. I hope I can consult with all three tomorrow. My wife and her mother want to meet with me this week to talk things over. I told them we'd talk about it. I am shifting gears and trying to be reasonable. It might make things go smoother. I'll only go if the lawyer agrees. This will be my last update for a while. The shock, anger, and self-pitying time is passed. Now it's time be clear eyed and to follow the process to whatever end it takes us to. The last 48 hours have been the worst. Thank you all for making it more bearable. OOP on if his MIL knows the full story on the open marriage and his wife's thoughts OOP: Not yet. My goal is to hear them out and maybe come to some agreements on separation. I seriously doubt the open relationship demand was discussed and I haven't sent her anything. You know thinking back on the totality of the conversation, I don't think she meant the marriage would be open for me. What set her off was the notion I'd be dating another woman to replace her. Plus other comments. I think she meant for this to be one sided. Maybe I'm overthinking. I didn't really hear her out, Doesn't matter now anyway. No is still no. + Well in all fairness she (editor's note: OOP's wife) never actually said anything like that. She did go on about how her having freedom would benefit me and "us". She didn't really try to sell me on the idea of me having freedom. She did get very angry when I said I'd be dating to replace her. Was she mad at the replacing or the dating? She was really mad at the "no". Like I said. Just a thought I had. And it's a moot point now anyway.   Update #2: April 15, 2026 (four days later) Just an update. I'm moving back home today. I have a lawyer and she has drafted a in home separation agreement. Basically separating our finances. I met with her and MIL last night and we talked it all over. She is still insisting nothing has happened between her and the other guy. She regrets the open marriage suggestion and is promising full transparency on phone and iPad. She is saying everything someone who is trying to save their marriage should. She promised to find a new job if I want. She seems sincere. She told MIL the truth. That she asked for the open marriage. I guess she knew I would if she didn't. Her mother said she "wasn't raised that way". She really seems sincere. Which makes it hard to reconcile with the way she went absolutely batshit crazy last Friday when I refused to agree to the OM. I've agreed to counseling. The lawyer is still preparing a divorce petition that can be filed at any time. I've made it clear we are not OK. That I have one foot out the door. If this marriage can be saved she needs to be the one to do it. I'll meet her in the part of the way, but she will need to come most of the way. And I will NEVER agree to any poly nonsense. Not what I signed up for. I told her plainly if that is what she wants let's save each other a lot of time and effort and tell my lawyer to file. Am I making a mistake? This doesn't commit me to anything, right? The exit door is still open and the path to it is clear. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: You don’t go from zero to a hundred like that. Maybe nothing physical has happened but something definitely has. Have you seen interactions, texts, etc. between them? OOP: No and that concerns me. She has promised full transparency with electronics but the soonest that can happen is tonight. It would be easy to sanitize everything if she hasn't already. I'll never know for sure and THAT bothers me a lot. Commenter 2: One more thing. I don't know where you two stand in children but be careful of her baby trapping you. And get a postnup. OOP: The lawyer said a post-nup would be a waste of time for us. No assets to protect other than a joint savings account we both contribute to. We have our own cards and bank accounts and 401ks. How was the wife's reaction when the meeting took place? OOP: She was very apologetic. Crying though most of it. She said hurting me was the last thing she wanted. She swore up and down on a stack of bibles that nothing happened. Only flirting and then he (the other guy) suggested they go further and that he was in an open marriage and how happy they were with it and all that. She was enamored with the idea and with him and here we are. She didn't think I was really leaving her until she came home from her parents’ house on Sunday and saw more of my stuff was gone. Then the lawyer contacted her after the retainer was paid and she just lost it. She knew it was for real. Or so she says. Her mother is trying to smooth the waters and "get you both talking to each other and not yelling at each other". I'm back home. She's at her parents’ house. She's coming home in a little while. I'll be recording everything she says. Plus separate bedrooms for now. She says she is willing to do anything, full transparency. Commenter 3: So she did have an emotional affair at the very least if she was enamored with him. And her getting so upset that she threw a glass at you. Seems like there may have been more there that she's letting on. I read that there's an open device policy now, but everything will be gone. Is she still going to be working with him? OOP: Her finding other employment is one of three conditions to even attempt to save this. We have a counseling session on Friday. I mean to discuss all three conditions in detail then. Commenter 3: What are the other two conditions? OOP: complete and total honesty. All details, every message and conversation. If I find out six months from now a detail was withheld, I walk. Full access to phones iPad, & laptop   Update #3: April 17, 2026 (two days later) My Wife Asked for an Open Marriage She is Angry at my response. Last Update. This will be the last update on this. I'm done. I'm just completely done. This reconciliation attempt couldn't even make it to the end of day 3. I am not going to be giving exact details. I'm sure you will all understand reasons. I found out two things. Both of which she lied straight to my face about as late as last night. I've seen her iPhone and iPad communications. Nothing there to make you think they have done more than flirting. As bad as that is. Nothing since this all blew up last week. They have another way to communicate and I found it out. That led to the 2nd thing I found. She works in an 8-5, M-F office job. I'm a Firefighter/EMT and I work a 24/48 rotating shift. So three days a week I'm away from home for 24 hours. I'm sure you guys can take those two facts and work the rest out. At this point believing she was not in a physical relationship with this man would be an act of willful stupidity. Which it probably was all along. I cancelled our MC appointment this afternoon. I called the lawyer and told her to proceed. STBXW (now I can really call her that) will be served next week or the week after. I sent the guy that owns the house a letter of non-renewal for the lease. Then I rented a storage space and moved everything I want to keep into it. Most of it was still boxed from last weekend. Then I went back to the house and waited. When she got home about 2 this afternoon. I confronted her with what I had. Her face turned white. You can imagine how the conversation went. She was emotional but even then wouldn't tell me the truth. The closest she got was saying along the lines of "if anything has happened, it's over now". I told her I was done. Done with the lies. Done with the BS. I told her the paperwork will be filed, and she will be served when it's ready. I was expecting more of her famous temper. Maybe she is just done as well. The last bit of the conversation she was in tears. She said she knows she f---d everything up and doesn't even know why she did it. She finally apologized for losing her temper last Friday. She doesn't know why she did that either. She apologized for all of it. Neither of us is happy with this ending. But it can't end any other way when there is no truth and no trust. So back at the Holiday Inn just for tonight. No bourbon this time. I'm miserable. But I knew, as much as I wanted to save it, this wasn't going to end any other way. This is just what had to be done. Thanks everyone for all the advice, encouragement and criticism. In the end you were all pretty much right. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: Did you notify the other man's wife? I doubt it really is an open marriage, that's most likely a lie the guy told your STBXW. If you have the copies of the other means of communication, share them with her. She deserves to know. OOP: No but once my paperwork is all in process I am thinking I'll print everything and add a thumb dive with the audio from the conversations I recoded along with a letter explaining everything and FedEx it to her. Commenter 2: They have another way to communicate and I found it out. I realize you are being intentionally vague here. If in the future you have more liberty to reveal their underground form of communication you revealing it would help the knowledgebase of Redditors. I had suggested that she was going to purchase a burner phone to work around the devices she opened up for you to see, and that you check your Wi-Fi router management app. If this is accurate, a simple Y or N would suffice. Thanks. I'm glad your sense of self-respect is healthy; that's not all that common around here. OOP: I found evidence she had a second phone. When checked Wi-Fi usage and saw it on the system at night. And an unknown device on nights I was working last week. It was a bit more complex than that but that is the gist of it. Commenter 3: So, he had his device on the Wi-Fi too when you weren't there? And she still wouldn't admit to anything? How long had it been going on? OOP: That’s kind of an oversimplified explanation. I left a lot of detail out because some of it might make an issue in the divorce. Probably not but not taking a chance. Let’s just say something happened that made me thing there might be a second device. There was. Someone in the comments suggested checking wi-fi and I did but I already knew there was another device somewhere. Commenter 4: Checking Wi-Fi was a good idea. Does it appear everything started around the time of the original conversation or do you think it had been going on awhile before she hit you up with the OM request? OOP: I think it started the day before it first came up. The Tuesday two weeks back. Don't know for sure. It could have been going on a long tike, but I doubt it Commenter 5: Did you let her mother know what you found? OOP: Yeah I sent her an email explaining everything in detail. I asked her to check in on STBXW. She wasn't in a good frame of mind when I left yesterday. Additional responses from OOP after reading comments here OOP: Just woke up. I asked her not to call or text me. Of course she did several times last night. I kept the phone on silent but today I think I'm turning it off altogether. It's weird but I feel a little better today. Lighter maybe. Now the decisions are all made it's like putting down a heavy load you were carrying. I'm going to go for a run, get some chow at Dennys for the LAST time. I've eaten more Denny's food the last week than all the years of my life combined! After all that I'm getting out of town for a few days. Maybe drive up to see my brother and his family. He knows what has been happening and said I needed to come up and go fishing with him and my nephew. I think he's right. Still at my brother's house. She was at the engine house today looking for me. I guess if she was the sort to take a hint or take no for an answer none of us would be here reading about it.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP) OOP: u/Silver_Salt7600 Published on: r/Marriage Story is: ONGOING Story timeline Main Post: April 11, 2026 at 15:26 UTC Update 1: April 12, 2026 at 00:05 UTC Update 2: April 15, 2026 Main Post April 11, 2026 at 15:26 UTC My Wife asked for open marriage. She is angry at my reaction. I need advice. We've been married 5 years. No kids. Both 30. Both professionals. was happy. I thought she was too. Things have been tense between us lately and I'm not sure why. Then she sits me down for a "talk" this past Tuesday. I thought she was finally going to tell me what was bothering her. Instead, she gave me a "we're still young and we can try new things speech". Then asks for an open marriage. I was not prepared for that and was just stunned. I couldn't come up with anything to say. I was just shocked at the request. I think she was encouraged and kept selling it to me. By the time she paused for a response I had gotten me head together. I was pissed but kept completely calm and told her in no uncertain terms I was not OK with this. We went back and forth for a little bit and the conversation began getting angry so we both agreed to put it on the shelf for later when we were calm. You could reach out and touch the bad energy in the house after that. We spoke again last night and it didn't go well. She was really selling it hard, talked down my objections, called me jealous and controlling and a bunch of other things I probably shouldn't repeat. It really blew up when I finally agreed to it but did it in a VERY nasty way. She took the win though and said "it will make our marriage stronger". I told her no. This ends with us divorced. She was instantly angry again and asked why I would say that. I told her this goes one of two ways. She will hook up with other men and I'll hate her for it. And even if that doesn't happen, I'll start dating and meet a woman that wants to have a monogamous relationship with me, and I'll leave you for her. 100%. She completely lost it at that point, threw a glass at me, cursed me out so loud the neighbors came out to see what was going on. I told her if she gets this angry because I'm not ok with my wife f----g other men maybe we should just skip all the BS and separate right now. Thats where this is going anyway. I was FURIOUS at this point. I grabbed my phone, car key, and left. She was still screaming at me as I drove away. So now I'm at the Holiday Inn. I went to the liquor store next door and bought a bottle of Knob Creek and was up half the night drinking it by the pool on ice from a styrofoam cup. Then walked up to the room and passed out. I woke up an hour ago and have been sitting in the room thinking over my whole f----g life and where it went wrong. She has called more the 20 times but I have nothing to say to her right now. And even if we did talk where do we even begin to fix this? Can this be fixed? Is going back to talk to her even a good idea? I don't even see what good can come of it. Maybe it really is time to be talking to lawyers. We've always gotten along so well I am at a loss on what to do next. I don't want a divorce but she's asking me for something I can't give. Any advice is appreciated.   COMMENTS Hopeful-Essay695 You say you've gotten along so well in the past, but you're also very blase about her throwing shit at you, it seems to me. Have you really? Is this this first time she's gotten abusive with you? A glass to the face could seriously hurt you. Is this the first time she's screamed insults at you? If yes, then maybe this is a sign of a mental health crisis and maybe, with professional help, it could get better. But if, as I suspect, she's displayed these behaviors before, if, then you should leave her. OOP No nothing like this. She has a bad temper but has never done anything physical. Lereas An open marriage needs two enthusiastic yesses. I agree with other people...she met someone she wants to fuck, or is already fucking them. If it isn't that, she would have come to you at least once with specific things she feels like she's missing....like "I want you to go down on me more". If she asked repeatedly and you never did it, I guess I could see asking to open without a person in mind but just feeling unfulfilled, but you didn't suggest it was anything like this. OOP I was thinking along these lines myself. We are... or were I guess, pretty active sexually. 3-4 times a week and sometimes all night. There is nothing I wouldn't do for or to her if she wanted it. This just came up out of the blue. A week ago I thought we were doing great. COMMENT UPDATE - After 2 hours Just answered one of her calls. She's crying and apologizing. She want to sit down and talk. I have a splitting headache/hangover and need a shower. Then I'll go see where things stand with her. Update 1 - after 9 hours April 12, 2026 at 00:05 UTC My Wife asked for open marriage. She is angry at my reaction. I need advice. part 2 I went home and we spoke for a few hours. You guys were right. There is someone else. Someone she works with. She said she hasn't done anything yet but wants to. He's in an open marriage or so she says. I wonder if his wife knows that? Anyway even after all that has happened she still wouldn't let go of it. She said I will never even know it's happening. She won't let it interfere with our lives. Does she seriously think that make it ok? She actually said this would make her a better partner. She said she still loves me and wants to be with me. I was just looking at her than wondering who the hell this person is and what happened to my wife. I told her there is a word for that and she has lost her mind if she thought I'd tolerate it. I told her she's chosen him and now we're done. I told her I'd contact her next week to discuss details. I packed op more of my stuff and went back to the hotel. Our finances are mostly separated, and the house is a rental thank God. I froze the joint credit cards and the joint savings. Is there anything else I need to do? I still can't f----g believe this has happened. 8 years together, 5 married and it's completely destroyed in one day over pure selfishness. I'm going to finish that bottle and hope tomorrow will be better. I doubt it but at least it won't be worse. OOP ADDED SMALL CLARIFICATION IN THE COMMENTS Just to answer some questions. I know drowning myself in Kentucky's finest isn't heathy. I don't care. I won't be able to sleep tonight without it. For what it's worth I thought I was lucky to have her. Now I wish I'd never met her. The conversation today started civil an even pleading on her part. It ended in hostility because of course it did. Something that begins in misery tends to end there. You know I think I really hate her now. Tuesday morning I kissed her when I got home from work. If you told me where I'd be four days later I wouldn't have believed it. I don't know who the guy is. And to tell you the truth I don't care. It doesn't change anything. I'm just done. Done with all of it. You guys think she will want to come back? No f----g way. If I were her I'd never be able to look me in the eye after this. I'm just done.   COMMENTS Realistic-Duty-3874 Tell the guys wife. Hes definitely cheating. OOP Probably yeah. Sounds like the kind of BS men say to get a woman in bed. SteelBird223 On a far, far darker note. The balls that bitch has on her is pretty fucking impressive. Calling her new man over just hours after her husband stormed out. I would love to see the call records on just how fast she called him. OOP I don't even care if she did. I'm done. I don't know that woman in our house. She's a complete f----g stranger to me now. Negative_Shower_568 Do not get drunk tonight. If you are still able to, drive by your house and see if she's there and if she is, see if she has a visitor. You might have just opened the door for her to find her new freedom. And if there's a visitor you'll know his car and license plate. Take pictures. This way you will know for sure. OOP Very drunk. And IDGAF if she brings him over and f---ks him on the furniture. And his wife too. She's not my wife anymore. The rest is just paperwork now SMALL UPDATE - 1 IN COMMENTS - after 13 hours from last update Comment update 1 Woke up around 6:30 this morning. Got violently sick. Spent 5 minutes kneeling before the porcelain throne. Felt like total shit. Took a long hot shower. Still felt sick. Room spinning. Then I realized I haven't eaten anything since Friday morning. Walked across the street to Dennys. Had a great breakfast and now working on my second pot of coffee. I feel a little better. I turned my phone back on (obviously because im typing this post on it). She texted and left a VM. Didn't read. Didn't listen. Don't care. I'm reading through everyones advice. I am so grateful to everyone for the advice and support. In the last thread too. I sent an email to work requesting leave. I can't do my job if I'm distracted or not 100% focused and I' m just not. I made a list of family law practices to call tomorrow morning. According to the law offices of Google, Google, and Google I should be ok. House is rented with only a few months left. We had a joint savings we both contributed to for a down payment on a house. Well, that isn't going to happen. We'll split that I guess. The rest... who knows. She has her salary, retirement, and debt. I have mine. All separate. Someone sent a message and asked if I was worried she might see this. She might. This isn't my real reddit name but the details are pretty obvious so maybe she will. If YOU (you know who you are) do see this, I don't give a damn. I don't want to know about you or what you do. I'm done. Enjoy your bright future of reckless promiscuity and I hope you find it's worth the price you just paid for it.   COMMENTS KelceStache You should mess with her a bit. One, call the other wife on speaker phone in front of her. Ask her if her marriage is open. Then call her parents and tell them that your marriage is ending and thank them for accepting you into the family, and then tell them you’re sorry your wife chose her affair partner over her husband. Put her in a corner she can’t get out off without telling the truth. Then let her know that he chose someone that just wants in her pants, and she threw her marriage away for nothing. Check your cell phone records for the amount of calls and texts between them. OOP Not getting involved in that whole mess. I don't know who this guy is or who is wife is and to tell you the truth, don't care. To hell with them. Yeah I am going to call them today. That is a great way to do it. Thanks for that idea. I don't care about controlling any kind of narrative. I don't much care what her friends think. Family either really, but they do deserve an explanation. No fault state. Doesn't matter what she did or why she did it. So here phones records and what she did or didn't do mean nothing. OOP I called her folks. She's there and has already told them what she wanted them to hear. I knew right away when her mom said this was a misunderstanding and we can work it out. It didn't get any better from there. The upshot it if she's there, she's not home so I can go get more of my stuff. Brief_Hippo5187 Hard to believe her mom would say it could be worked out. What was her version? Did she actually tell them she wanted an open marriage and had a guy already lined up? Did you tell them what she actually wanted? OOP Her mom thinks my wife just has a crush on someone that she hasn't done anything about and I "flipped out". Mom thinks my reaction is unreasonable. She would be right if that were the truth. I told her to ask my wife isn't telling her the truth. And this isn't a "rough patch". This is the end. I recoded our conversation yesterday afternoon. I told her mom is she want to listen to it I'll send it. SMALL UPDATE - 2 IN COMMENTS - after 7 hours from last update Comments update 2 I wanted to thank everyone for the advice, encouragement sometimes the laughs. I was in a really dark place, and you all helped me when I needed it. I am very grateful. Hopefully I will have representation lined up tomorrow. I have narrowed the list to three different practices. I hope I can consult with all three tomorrow. My wife and her mother want to meet with me this week to talk things over. I told them we'd talk about it. I am shifting gears and trying to be reasonable. It might make things go smoother. I'll only go if the lawyer agrees. This will be my last update for a while. The shock, anger, and self-pitying time is passed. Now it's time be clear eyed and to follow the process to whatever end it takes us to. The last 48 hours have been the worst. Thank you all for making it more bearable.   COMMENTS Brief_Hippo5187 I doubt you're wife will change her mind on the open marriage. If she does I don't think she can be trusted not to cheat with the other man. Does her mother know the full story now? Did she listen to the recording you have? OOP Not yet. My goal is to hear them out and maybe come to some agreements on separation. I seriously doubt the open relationship demand was discussed and I haven't sent her anything. You know thinking back on the totality of the conversation, I don't think she meant the marriage would be open for me. What set her off was the notion I'd be dating another woman to replace her. Plus other comments. I think she meant for this to be one sided. Maybe I'm overthinking. I didn't really hear her out, Doesn't matter now anyway. No is still no. Brief_Hippo5187 Just when i thought it couldn't be any worse. That's crazy. How could she ever think you'd be ok with that? How selfish can she be? Can you imagine the look on her Mom's face when it comes out what your wife is really asking for? Stay strong. Sadly divorce is still your best and probably only option. At least there's no kids involved. Please keep us posted through it all. OOP Well in all fairness she never actually said anything like that. She did go on about how her having freedom would benefit me and "us". She didn't really try to sell me on the idea of me having freedom. She did get very angry when I said I'd be dating to replace her. Was she mad at the replacing or the dating? She was really mad at the "no". Like I said. Just a thought I had. And it's a moot point now anyway. Update 2 - after 3 days from last post April 15, 2026 My Wife asked for open marriage. She is angry at my reaction. I need advice. part 3 Just an update. I'm moving back home today. I have a lawyer and she has drafted a in home separation agreement. Basically separating our finances. I met with her and MIL last night and we talked it all over. She is still insisting nothing has happened between her and the other guy. She regrets the open marriage suggestion and is promising full transparency on phone and iPad. She is saying everything someone who is trying to save their marriage should. She promised to find a new job if I want. She seems sincere. She told MIL the truth. That she asked for the open marriage. I guess she knew I would if she didn't. Her mother said she "wasn't raised that way". She really seems sincere. Which makes it hard to reconcile with the way she went absolutely batshit crazy last Friday when I refused to agree to the OM. I've agreed to counseling. The lawyer is still preparing a divorce petition that can be filed at any time. I've made it clear we are not OK. That I have one foot out the door. If this marriage can be saved she needs to be the one to do it. I'll meet her in the part of the way but she will need to come most of the way. And I will NEVER agree to any poly nonsense. Not what I signed up for. I told her plainly if that is what she wants let's save each other a lot of time and effort and tell my lawyer to file. Am I making a mistake? This doesn't commit me to anything right? The exit door is still open and the path to it is clear.   COMMENTS First_Pie209 You dont go from zero to a hundred like that. Maybe nothing physical has happened but something definitely has. Have you seen interactions, texts, etc between them? OOP No and that concerns me. She has promised full transparency with electronics but the soonest that can happen is tonight. It would be easy to sanitize everything if she hasn't already. I'll never know for sure and THAT bothers me a lot. Brief_Hippo5187 What exactly was the meeting like with your wife and mother in law? They removed your update? OOP She was very apologetic. Crying though most of it. She said hurting me was the last thing she wanted. She swore up and down on a stack of bibles that nothing happened. Only flirting and then he (the other guy) suggested they go further and that he was in an open marriage and how happy they were with it and all that. She was enamored with the idea and with him and here we are. She didn't think I was really leaving her until she came home from her parents house on Sunday and saw more of my stuff was gone. Then the lawyer contacted her after the retainer was paid and she just lost it. She knew it was for real. Or so she says. Her mother is trying to smooth the waters and "get you both talking to each other and not yelling at each other". I'm back home. She's at her parents house. She's coming home in a little while. I'll be recording everything she says. Plus separate bedrooms for now. She says she is willing to do anything, full transparency. Brief_Hippo5187 So she did have an emotional affair at the very least if she was enamored with him. And her getting so upset that she threw a glass at you. Seems like there may have been more there that she's letting on. I read that there's an open device policy now but everything will be gone. Is she still going to be working with him? OOP Her finding other employment is one of three conditions to even attempt to save this. We have a counseling session on Friday. I mean to discuss all three conditions in detail then. Brief_Hippo5187 What are the other two conditions? OOP complete and total honesty. All details, every message and conversation. If I find out six months from now a detail was withheld, I walk. Full access to phones ipad, & laptop Brief_Hippo5187 One more thing. I don't know where you two stand in children but be careful of her baby trapping you. And get a postnup. OOP The lawyer said a post-nup would be a waste of time for us. No assets to protect other than a joint savings account we both contribute to. We have our own cards and bank accounts and 401ks.   LATEST BORU   This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP) Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading. Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved. submitted by /u/BigONerd to r/BORUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Any-Jello-9719 Originally posted to r/creepyencounters I (24F) think I’m being stalked - and I can’t tell by how many people Original Post: March 7, 2026 Reposted to break up text wall. Burner account, obviously. I know the title sounds paranoid, but please bear with me. I work full-time at a public university in the US as an office manager and am enrolled in grad school at the same institution. I graduate this May. I have in-person night classes three days a week that start right after I get off work. My apartment is on the first floor of a complex about 10 minutes away. Over the past few months, I’ve had numerous bizarre occurrences around my home and workplace. The first, to my knowledge, was in September, and was something my neighbor across the hall (very sweet older woman) told me. A man was banging on my door for around an hour just after midnight. I was not home. My neighbor poked her head out to ask him what was going on, and he said he was a door dasher (with no food or bags in his hands, apparently). My neighbor watched him through the peephole and told me he tried the doorknob multiple times. No Ring camera or anything - so no footage. As far as I know, he didn’t come back, but I’ve also had three or four instances over this several-month period where someone knocked on my bedroom window (blackout curtains always closed) late at night loud enough to wake me and my tiny dog. Never saw who it was. In October, a woman came to my sliding glass door about a month later demanding to come in because her stolen “device” had apparently been pinging my apartment. When I refused, she called the Sheriff’s department. The deputy who came asked me a couple questions and left, but did confirm that a device was pinging my apartment. Never found out if she meant a phone or what. The woman hung out in the parking lot before leaving a few minutes later. Obviously I’ve never stolen any phone, so I was completely bewildered. Never saw her again. In December, things came to a head when I found a plug-in GPS tracker in the OBD (editor’s note: On-Board Diagnostics) port under my dashboard. Car dealership where it got serviced last said they didn’t use that brand (LandAirSea, and yes I have the model and serial#) and didn’t perform any services that would have warranted putting it in there. I called the cops and they just wrote down a few details and left. University police were also informed since the tracker was *probably* placed either on campus or at my apartment. The tracker was the biggest red flag. I never check my OBD port, so I have no idea how long it was there. I told my unit director, and he offered to subtly remove mentions of me around the office and on the website, which I accepted. I am, however, posted up at the office front desk for like 80% of my day. This past Tuesday, right before I left for lunch, a middle-aged man came into the office wearing a hairnet, surgical mask, hoodie, and sunglasses. He claimed to be a prospective student and had questions about FAFSA. He was extremely hard to understand. I directed him to the financial aid office across campus, and he kept asking questions that our office cannot answer. I thought sure, fine, maybe harmless and just not all there mentally. He walks over to our coffee machine (not for communal use btw but I didn’t want to be a bitch) and just starts making coffee. He’s still there when I leave and one of my staff watches the desk while I’m out. When I return from lunch, he’s gone, but walks in after me a few minutes later and just sits in the lobby on his phone before getting up to leave almost immediately. I was off work Wednesday and Thursday, so I came in Friday. I felt like giving my mostly-undergrad staff a break so I gave them permission to head home early, inadvertently leaving me alone in the office. The man came back wearing the exact same clothes, mask, hairnet, and sunglasses within 5 minutes of the office clearing out. Our office is technically open to the public, but isn’t really public-facing, and he had no reason for being there, especially that late in the day. He came in, barely acknowledged me, and said he was going to bring back bottled water for our coffee machine. He left again. I’m very creeped out by this so I messaged my director (working remotely) and he got an IT guy from the adjacent building to come over with his laptop to keep my company. I explain the situation, and he said he’d stay with me till close. He settles in my director’s office just around the corner, but it still looked like I was alone. The man does come back without water, and leans against the desk trying to start a conversation with me. IT guy comes around the corner and stands between me and him, and he quickly changes the subject and asks about financial aid again (for the fourth time in as many days) before being directed away and leaving immediately. I’m strongly considering informing campus police about this. Like I said, they already know about the tracker. I have had problems in the past during my undergrad years at a different institution with men and a woman being creepy towards me, but nothing to this level. I have no idea what to do. I can’t tell what’s isolated and what’s connected. My family lives an hour away and has been no help at all. I have a sinking feeling that things are going to escalate. Any advice on what I should do or change at home, work, or elsewhere is appreciated. I’m open to further questions. Relevant / Top Comments Downvoted Commenter: It is all isolated. Please speak with a psychiatrist. OOP: I’m not going to have a psychotic break. Other people close to me have told me that this is all weird and I was right to report it Commenter 1: Buy security cameras or a ring camera for the front door. Tasers are cheap on Amazon and there’s companies that sell knives disguised as pens or combs, I have several of those. You might also wanna check out those devices that reveal/ping on electronics secretly placed in apartments/houses to record people. What did the woman look like who came to your sliding door? OOP: I remember her being very skinny and tanned with hair dyed platinum blonde. I also have a gun that I CC pretty much wherever it’s legal, but never on campus. Commenter 2: Get a friend it neighbor to check in on you every day. Can you vary the way you go home every day? OOP: It’s pretty much a straight shot home but I can take the longer route or zigzag a little. Unfortunately it’s highly likely that the tracker logged my workplace and home already. Commenter 3: Definitely inform campus police to start your paper trail. I’m very paranoid when it comes to any paperwork, so I’d ask for copies of the police report regarding that lady, and ask for a copy after you tell campus police. Make sure it’s in writing about the tracker, too. Are there cameras in the office, also? OOP: Both county and campus police know all there is to know about the tracker, but are yet to be filled in on the office visitor. The hallway cameras will have captured what he was doing in the building, but not in the office itself. Commenter 4: was a victim of stalking by an ex for over two years. Do you have anyone in your past that was abusive or took a breakup hard? Anyone with access to "flying monkeys"? The tracker is most concerning to me. If you found one, there might be another. I had two on my car. One of them was under the driver's seat. Never did find the other one before the ex made the car go bye bye. (Took it from in front of the courthouse by the way, while I was inside filing a restraining order). He even had another ex of his who he reconciled with, stalk me. Weird af, eh? The tracker I found under the seat was a small, white unmarked box that looked like it belonged with the car. Wired in but what clued me in was duct tape on the wiring around the side of the seat. I would also have your apartment checked for bugs. Be aware of conversations you have with others, and if someone brings up an off the wall topic that you've spoken with someone else about in the recent time frame, sure sign of a bug. Cell phones can also be bugged these days and you don't have to click on any links or answer any calls to have it happen. You need cameras for sure, and enforcers for your doors. Check the screws on the wall part of the door. If they're the short screws then re-enforce with long screws. Amazon also sells gadgets that go from door handle to floor, and will make it harder for anyone to get in. If you have sliding glass doors, put a 2x4 in the slider when the door is shut to prevent entry. Do the same with your windows if possible. Keep "Fo Bats" in every room. (Baseball bats for their grill. 😏) Protect yourself. Document everything. I still don't leave my home with less than three self protection items ON MY PERSON in different locations. Pepper spray is worthless by the way. I doused the crap out of him one night and he was still able to get ahold of me and sit on me before it started affecting him. He could have killed me in the time it took. When walking through parking lots keep your shoulders back and your head on a swivel. Make sustained eye contact with anyone that makes you feel off. You got this but you have to do the heavy lifting right now. The universe will take care of the rest. OOP: Car seems to be clear of anything else, as is my apartment. Had a friend search them up and down with me. I don’t think there’s anyone in my past who would do this, so I think it was someone I’m not close with or a total stranger. I also have a gun that I always CC except on campus. I trust it over pepper spray any day but I have no choice but to invest in nonlethal for work. Sorry to hear you had such a horrible experience :( Commenter 5: The invisible man is highly suspicious and you should definitely report him. Mask, hairnet, hoodie, and sunglasses, in a non-public area and not giving good reason to be there, is huge cause for concern. I suggest a doorbell and dashcam camera, and get someone you trust to walk you to and from your car at work. The random woman incident may or may not be related, but you did the right thing to remain cautious. The window knocking could also just be idiots, but again you are right to ignore it just in case.   Update: March 19, 2026 (nearly two weeks later) [UPDATE] I (24F) think I’m being stalked - and I can’t tell by how many people Hey everyone. I am alive and well, but not exactly relieved. I got a lot of great advice on my first post and wanted to let you know what all has happened and what I’ve done. It’s been a lot. The two incidents that I and most everyone else were concerned about were the tracker and the office visitor. First off, the owner of the tracker in my car has been identified and is TOTALLY harmless. I called LandAirSea, and they told me that it was, in fact, the car dealership’s device that somehow kept getting unplugged and plugged back in (I guess they assumed it was mine) every time it was serviced. When I initially called them in December, the dealership swore up and down it wasn’t theirs, so I’m really irritated that they were so adamant in their denial. The LandAirSea rep I spoke to was very understanding as to why this would be concerning, and even said he was surprised the police didn’t subpoena the company when I reported it. Regardless, that at least crosses the tracker off the list of issues. As for the office visitor, it’s unfortunately an ongoing concern that has escalated. I called campus police last Monday (3/9) and they explained that my director had reported the guy to them already the day before I made my first post. Police didn’t tell me much aside from the fact that his behavior seemed extremely unusual and that he disappeared once officers arrived to the building. They gave me the usual spiel about how I should call for a police escort if I feel unsafe. I had to get the rest from my director and one of my staff. Apparently, this guy had not only been hanging out around the building, but had been lingering for a long time on the bench just outside my office (I can’t see it where I’m sitting) at various points throughout the week, including when I was there. I also cleaned out that coffee machine thoroughly and put it in the back room. Doesn’t really look like he messed with it. He came back Friday (3/13) at almost exactly the same time as the previous week. By a stroke of sheer fucking luck, I was already in the back conference room before he saw me. I snapped the attached pic of him speaking to a male staff member at the desk and quietly locked myself in my director’s office (he was working remotely again). I called campus PD and texted my director. I could hear the man and my staff talking briefly and the guy left immediately. He didn’t linger like he does with me at the desk. Both the arriving office and the division leader (my director’s boss, whom my director alerted) arrived quickly and knocked on the door, obviously concerned. The officer communicated to me that he will be found and trespassed. He has not shown up in our public trespass warnings records, so I guess that went nowhere. That wasn’t the end of it. This Monday (3/16) we were expecting severe weather, so campus was closed and remote work was permitted. My director, however, decided to work from the office. He saw the man again, but this time he was accompanied by four or five other men in the halls. My director is a very large man, so they scattered quickly when he barked at them to leave. He told me all this in my 1-on-1 with him on Tuesday (3/17) morning. I still feel extremely uneasy about his apparent fixation on me - or at the very least, my office - and that he returned several times in alignment with my schedule. I’ve been having my boyfriend escort me to and from night classes and my office, and will leverage a police or male staff escort if he is ever unavailable. No activity from this man since Tuesday. Since making my first post, I did some work back at my apartment, as well. I asked the management office if my unit or building had a history of drug crime or any other reason it would be a point of interest (or at least, more so than any other unit in an already not-so-great neighborhood). The manager is a different one from when I signed my lease back in May and she found no notes about crime or suspicious activity in that unit. I did remember that I sometimes get mail addressed to someone who I presume is a previous occupant, but nothing in my OSINT repertoire (editor's note: Open Source INTelligence) came up with anything suspicious for his name (arrest records, obits, socials, etc.). I’ve also purchased some pepper spray, set up a Ring camera (I totally forgot I had one from when I moved in) and should be receiving a stun gun and window cams from Amazon soon. Planning a range date with my boyfriend to put a couple hundred rounds through my Glock, as well. But yeah that’s… the less-than-comforting update to this whole situation. At least the tracker is out of the way but I’m still so on edge with this guy and apparently the group he is/was in. I’m worried about what will happen if I run into him again, let alone that whole group. I don’t know what else to do besides literally never be alone ever. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: I would see about permanently working remote from home. If not an option, then your office needs to start locking its doors and letting people in by appointment ONLY. They are not taking enough precautions to keep you safe in my opinion. What happens if the next time there's a group and you're alone, or they're armed?? This is serious and doesn't seem to be handled as such by your company. Please update as you can and sending all the good vibes your way!! OOP: I was actually working remotely quite a bit before executive leadership started getting huffy about “office culture” and “showing up for our students” last year… so our remote options became very limited. University policy dictates that every office in our division is meant to be open to the public, and it’s going to be basically impossibly to convince higher ups to budge on that. The office door itself is a pushbar (you can see the end of it in the picture) and doesn’t lock from the inside. Basically, if a staff member is in the office, anyone can get in :/ Commenter 2: I was actually working remotely quite a bit before executive leadership started getting huffy about “office culture” and “showing up for our students” last year… so our remote options became very limited. I'd be very shocked if they couldn't make an exception for you though or at least try to find some alternate solution because everything especially with the man coming back with a group of other people is incredibly concerning. It couldn't hurt to ask. Also do you still think the man who's showing up is related to the lady who left a device in your home? Do you have any updates from the police on what her deal was? Best case scenario that was a massive coincidence meaning he wouldn't have your home address. Sending you good vibes as well and please stay safe. this is probably the most disturbing thing I've read on this sub. OOP: Yeah I have no clue who that lady was, but one thing I forgot to mention was that she initially asked who else lived with me (I said my boyfriend, which wasn’t true)… so that was a concerning opening question from her. She was the one who called the cops. I just gave a brief statement to the deputy who came. All he said was that a “device” was pinging my apartment, and when I suggested a unit nearby or upstairs he said it was definitely my exact unit. That was months ago and there have been no developments on that front. What will probably end up happening at work is me maxing out my allowed remote work time and scheduling my in-office time to align with as many other (preferably male) staff as possible. I’m already proposing that to my director. Higher ed is great but it can be a bitch to get the fossils at the top of the hierarchy to bend the rules THEY placed on us Commenter 3: Is there CCTV outside your building? Maybe they can track the guy from where he enters the campus? Also can I ask what kind of department you are in? Is there anything in your work that could be contentious or divisive? I saw your other post, and this sounds really scary. Please update us and stay safe OOP: It’s a very standard and non-contentious office you’d find in any university (think along the lines of admissions and enrollment). A lot of our buildings have poor external coverage but great hallway and stairwell coverage OOP should get a big dog OOP: I unfortunately don’t have the time or resources for a big dog :/ My Shih Tzu will have to do as a burglar alarm Commenter 4: A small yapper is an excellent alert system! I’d also suggest running through scenarios in your head if they do attempt to breach your apartment. Does your br door lock? Does it open inwards or outwards (if in, good, next think about the heaviest piece of furniture you have to barricade it - make sure it’s slide-able). Amazon sells these door locks that are easy to install and provide that extra level of security. If you google “Defender high security door locks” you will find it. For under $20 it’s really effective and we installed on our mbr door for extra peace of mind. OOP: Bedroom door locks and opens into the room. In December when I first found the tracker I panicked and brought in a living room chair to press against the door. I can’t do a whole lot of drilling since I rent, unfortunately, but as an extra layer of security my boyfriend has been sleeping over at my place a lot and I’ve slept at his on weekends. OOP attached a picture of the office visitor description of the picture: a person standing indoors near a doorway entrance. He is wearing a red hooded sweatshirt with the hood up, light gray sweatpants, and dark shoes. His body is turned slightly away from the camera, facing toward a wall or door, so his face is not visible.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/throwra_wartt Originally posted to r/relationship_advice My best friend 28F confessed her feelings for me 27M. I feel the same way. Will this ruin our relationship? TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity Mood Spoiler: Schaudenfraude Original Post: August 23, 2025 My best friend and I have been friends for 8 years now. She is literally my ride or die and we been inseparable. So we were stationed together, ets went to the same school, did ROTC together I commissioned in the reserves and got a job living in DC together. We don’t live together but live in the area, I live and work in DC proper but she lives just outside of DC. Neither one of us are from DC but made conscious decision to go to school together (Clark Atlanta) and move in the same area. She’s genuinely my soulmate. I love her so much but we were never together because she wasn’t relationship material. She told me when we first met (we were at Fort Hood). That she’s not a good girl and because she cares she’s letting me know. She was right, I soon her dude every guy she talked to dirty. She felt no shame either but she loved me too much to lead me on like she did with them. She was dating this one guy when we moved to DC and slept with his brother..I was used to her but even that was low. I also been in a relationship for 2 years now, and just recently moved in with my gf. I love her but she’s not my best friend who I know the universe put me on this planet for her. My best friend told me and said she loves me. That she’s actually ready to settle down and build with me. I never thought this would come, she told me she understands if it’s too late. She always loved me that’s why when we met she wanted to be honest and not treat me like the other guys. I want to build with her too but it’s scary. I have a girlfriend and we live together. While she’s not my best friend my girlfriend is great and will make a wonderful wife, but idk if she’s for me. But I guess my biggest fear is what if my best friend thinks she’s ready to build but she’s not? We could potentially ruin our friendship if we pursue this. I’ve always wanted to build with her and be with her but I’m petrified right now Comments PickledBabiesOnARoof: You do not deserve your gf at all, and hopefully she finds another man that’ll treat her better considering you’re even entertaining this. Sure ash you’ve emotionally cheated. Leave your gf, and tell her exactly why you are. Tell her you’ve been leading her on for years while being in love with your best friend, and now you want to dump her for your best friend. Your gf deserves to know the truth. And hopefully your relationship with your bestie ends horribly with her doing the exact same things she’s done to all the other men. 💀 Good riddance to you and ur 304 friend, seriously. OOP: I did not lead her on. I had no idea this was in the cards? I didn’t think she would wake up one day and be like I’m ready to build . I was just living my life dhoust1356: You misunderstand. You don’t commit to someone if there’s a possibility of another person snapping their fingers and getting you to drop your current relationship. Your GF didn’t sign up for commitment unless bestie says otherwise. Doesn’t matter if you thought the chance was barely there, you knew if it happened you would drop whoever you were dating because they could never oust the person you have on that pedestal. Talkingmice: If you’re considering leaving your gf for a girl that literally cheats, you ain’t proper bright mate Suspicious-Force7870: So what are you gonna do when your best friend cheats on you and leaves you for someone else ? Go back to the gf who actually wants you and loves you? The truth is she just wants you because you’re getting serious with your gf. She does not really want to be with you to be with you. OpenTeacher3569: You're going to get fucked over so bad lol Equivalent_Being_500: You knew that if one day your best friend told you that she wanted to be with you, you'd agree to it. So for 2 yrs you've led your GF on. 2 yrs of her thinking she's building a life with you and that you love her, when actually you've been in love with someone else the whole time. You should never have been in a relationship if you knew this. Your GF deserves so much better than you. OOP: So honest question? I was just supposed to not live my life? Just sit around hoping she would eventually change her mind and be ready for a relationship? kat1701: What you do is get over her and make sure if you commit to someone, you're committing to them. Not committing to them "for the time being unless the better option becomes available". If you're so in love with this friend you can't truly commit to or love another person seriously, you date only casually until you feel you can let go of that adherence to your friend. No one deserves to have their partner only dating them as a consolation prize because theyre silently yearning for what they believe is their one true soulmate, who they'd drop the current partner for in an instant. MissReanimator: Your "best friend" is 100% going to cheat on you. She saw you getting serious with someone else, realized her plan B was about to be off the table, and decided she couldn't have that, now could she? So. You break up with your girlfriend for the supposed love of your life. Only now that she has you, there's no fun in it anymore. She'll cheat. You'll probably forgive her. She'll do it again. Rinse and repeat until you finally grow a spine and dump her. She'll move on quickly without regret because, as you already know from her past exploits, she's a selfish person who only cares for her own comfort. And you? Hopefully, you'll be alone forever because you're also an incredibly selfish, as well as stupid, individual. Nobody deserves to be saddled with that. I've seen this exact scenario play out. I was in your girlfriend's shoes. Trust me, the pain she feels when you break up with her is nothing compared to the enjoyment she will inevitably get from your impending trainwreck. OOP: I'm not worried. There's a reason she waited until she was ready for something serious. If she wasn't ready she would have told me, just like she did when we first became friends. But I do feel bad for my gf. She's an amazing/awesome gf and I know she will find her person as much as this is difficult for both of us. It will ultimately be best for both of us. Update: August 24, 2025 (Next Day) Okay, I took a lot of heat. But I just wanted to give everyone an update and some better context to understand the situation better. A major things I want to address is people feeling that I led my ex gf or that my best friend is using me. So for one I’ve known my best friend for years now. From when we were just in the barracks together to now successful adults. Our connection was almost instant and organic. We naturally started being everywhere together. Everywhere I was she was and vice versa. People thought we were together but it was just a vibe. I did tell her about my feelings and she confessed she felt the same but told me she’s not a good woman. She says she’s going to be honest with me because she cares about me too much to hurt me and with other men she had no care in hurting them. We agreed to stay friends and everything was normal. We started making life plans together. We both agreed to leave active duty and go do ROTC together. We had intense discussions on where we wanted to live and go to school together. Went to school did ROTC together commissioned in the reserves. We been by each other side every step of the way. As we moved to DC we continued but things were on another level. Trips, friend group, etc. DC is just an awesome place to be. I love it here. She continued her behavior and I’ve always condemned it. I met my gf and she is an amazing person. Super kind, sweet, family oriented, etc. Even as we developed and moved into together our relationship grew. We have this great routine. A calendar of when it’s my days to cook/clean and vice versa. DC is expensive even with the money I make so when you can have a partner that can cover half the bills and split the cooking/cleaning it’s great. She’s an amazing partner and will be a fantastic wife/mother to anyone I promise that. I wasn’t leading her on I just didn’t think it was possible for my best friend and I to be together. It’s like someone being in love with a celebrity, like you don’t just think I’ll marry my celebrity crush. But I’m really a caring person and it hurts me that I hurt her but I do know that she will find the person meant for her. I told her this morning about everything and she said some very mean things that was very out of character for her because she’s normally a sweetheart. Genuinely a kind pure soul , I’m giving her some grace because I’m sure it was a lot to take in. I will be moving in with my best friend. I grabbed some stuff to take to her place and my friend and his wife will get the rest of my things. I told her I can either pay for her to break the lease so she can find another place or continue paying my half until the end of the lease but she’s still processing everything . I’m excited and very confident that my best friend would never hurt me. She has always treated me differently. She could have hurt me but she was always looking out and instead of playing me she was honest. I can say I’m the only guy she’s been true with because the trust and friendship we built. I hope this gives everyone more clarity and understanding of this messed up situation. Comments xlmnop123: We understood the situation just fine. You’re the one who doesn’t. Anyone who would confess their feelings to their friend who is in a serious relationship is trash. Full stop. She has not changed. You used your girlfriend as a placeholder for sex and shared expenses. And now you will drop her because your trash BFF has crooked her finger. That makes you trash too. And the fact that you would dare to actually complain that your girlfriend wasn’t nice when you told her that she had been wasting her time for years? (But you’ll give her grace? You’re the only one needing grace here—not her. She is entitled to call you out for being the trash you are.) Karma can’t come too quick for you, son. Editor Note: OOP posted a second update two months later but then deleted it. The update was then recovered and copy-pasted into the comments of the first update post by Remarkable-Low-643. I added paragraphs for readability. Update in the comments on same post: October 20, 2025 (Two months later) UPDATE - Karma got this guy. From his deleted post. This horrible cheating shit got cheated on worse. And he is trying to shack up with his ex trying to throw his weight around whilst basically reminding her everyday how he had a trial run with her before releasing her back into the dating pool. He thinks he deserves grace whilst getting in the face of a woman he used as shelf warmer. I'll address the elephant in the room. You were were right and my best friend was not ready for relationship. I don't know if she was doing it purposely or not. She says she didn't and she just has a problem but either way it hurts. Especially because I had a really good relationship with my gf which she asked me to leave. When we got together the first 3 weeks was amazing. I think it was the most amazing time of both our lives, but then she changed /went back to her old habits. First she randomly unshared her location with me. Which was like???? I pointed out that it's just strangled because even before we were together we had each other's location. She says she never shared her location with any of her partners, she likes giving each other that extra privacy. In my head, I was thinking you literally cheated on every single guy you've been with. But I dropped it and just respected her boundaries. I didn't want to hold her past against her. But a couple of days later, a buddy of mine says he saw her on Tinder when scrolling and sends me a screenshot. I confront her and she says it must still be showing her profile as a glitch, because she deleted the app. I trusted her but I was thinking it's always something with her. The last straw was Saturday. She said she was going out with her friend and they getting crepes and relaxing. But the day before her friend posted herself on a flight going to Jamaica? I didn't think she would do a Jamaica day trip. So when my best friend got home, I did something I never did and went through her phone. It was horrible…I cried, man….She cried and said she's sorry that she loves me and that she needs help. She is going to get therapy and have some of the sisters at church mentor her. She wants to become the woman I deserve but I told her become that first, because she wasn't ready and I left my gf for you just for her to treat me like this. It hurts because she was my best friend. Afterwards I moved back with my ex because I was still on the lease but she doesn't want me in there. She's hurt by me breaking up with her for my best friend and I really hate that I hurt her, but I remind her everyday she will be a great wife and find the man meant for us. I was able to talk to the property manager and he's willing to let us transfer to a cheaper floor plan, she's talking to management about basically letting us break our lease if we both stay in the property. We share a two-bedroom but we would both get our own 1-bedroom apartment. But she is not sure she wants to be on the same property as me. But we have a government shutdown and I'm not trying to spend unnecessary money. I'm really hurting right now and just need some advice Note: I am marking this as concluded because his relationship is toast, his best-friend-turned-girlfriend cheated on him like everyone predicted, and while he has moved back in with his original ex for now, it seems like they will be moving out to different apartments soon. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Jojosbees to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is Funny_Leather_5540. She posted in r/AITAH Paragraph breaks added for readability. Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes for the rec! Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. This has not been posted in this sub before. Mood Spoiler: some good but still a LOT unresolved and frustrating Original Post: January 4, 2026 I only have four days to make a decision. I have been going back and forth trying to decide if I should cancel my husbands birthday reservations I made for him at this really cool indoor golf place followed by reservations for dinner. He's always commented on wanting to try both and I thought it would make a nice gift. His birthday is only a few days after mine. For Christmas he legit took the time to buy and wrap me a box of diapers for our daughter in the next size up and presented it to me as my gift. I'm still angry about that. No, gag gifts for Christmas has never been a thing between us. Last year he got me a spatula and I thought this year he would do better after the falling out we had over the spatula. A little bit of Background info: Our daughter is now two months old and we have been working on replacing the floor and painting our home since before she was born with the goal of having it done before she can crawl. Over the summer he did the nursery floor and in the fall, a week before she was born, he did the flooring in our older son's room. Mind you, the flooring was given to us for free from my dad, and my dad bought my husband his own miter saw for Christmas to get the job done so we would no longer have to borrow his. I do all the painting. This past week as we have been clearing things out of our bedroom for me to do the painting and him the flooring he brought up my birthday. He said, "wow, all this work for your birthday gift." I said "Excuse me, what gift? He said "All the work of putting the flooring in our bedroom, but don't worry I'll still do a dinner for you and we can invite your mom and my family, what do you want me to cook?" I said "I would like to just have a quiet birthday dinner, you, me and the kids at Longhorn Steak House, come home and watch a movie together. Also, the flooring is not my gift. This is something we've been planning now for a year. And with the house torn up, I don't want to host anyone in our home especially after having hosted for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Besides we don't even have a place for people to sit. We have all the bedroom furniture, and our clothing in the living room. I'm currently sleeping on the mattress on the floor in here. Plus, I'm not a fan of your brother coming over so you two can sit and just drink beer all evening while I watch our and his kids." He said no, I'm going to cook at home, just tell me what you want me to cook. I said "Ok, I want to do steak, mashed potatoes, and green beans." (But there is a problem here, he can't make mashed potatoes to save his life and only likes green beans if their boiled. I like fresh green beans slowly sautéed with olive oil, garlic and herbs. So if I want it cooked this way, I will have to do it.) He said "no, we're not doing steak, it will cost to much if the family comes over. I'll just do a chicken." I lost it. I said again, "For MY birthday... I DO NOT want people over." He kept arguing the issue and I said "fine, do what you want for my birthday." Side note: Last year, he ordered the traditional tres leches cake but he ordered it with peaches. I hate peaches, he likes peaches. I like strawberries. Plus, my name was spelled wrong on the birthday cake, he thought it was hilarious. I am now seriously considering cancelling his b-day golf outing & dinner reservations, leaving home if he invites his family for my birthday, buying him a box of diaper wipes and presenting it with a card that says "Happy birthday. I painted the house for you." Would I be the Asshole? OOP's only comment: To a longer comment: Thank you. This is the first post I've read that basically wasn't calling me an asshole for not divorcing him over Christmas and birthday this year. And yea, about 2 weeks after Christmas last year, when I had time relax, I asked him for a genuine answer about the spatula as a gift and what the hell he was thinking. He said that he was at the store and saw that it was blue, the type of blue I like and and he thought of me and thought that it would match the utensil holder and our blue microwave that I found in the store one day and geeked over. He said he thought I would like it because of the pretty blue color. That's about as deep as the thought went. He said that he never thought the gift would be sexist, or imply that I had to do more cooking for him. To make up for the spatula though he did go out and buy me the KitchenAid stand up mixer I had my eye on for over 2 years. I was really happy about it...Until he said "So when are you going to make me some homemade bead?" We had the talk about never, ever buying kitchen appliances for someone as a gift unless directly asked for. That kitchen things used by the whole family is not a gift for one person. When I am no longer angry about the diapers, I'll be able to calmly ask him "after the 2024 Christmas spatula debacle, what the hell were you thinking gifting me diapers 2025." I mean hell, I'm thinking if this is how its gonna be, we might just make it a pact to buy each other practical gifts for the home. No more disappointment that way. Update (Same Post): Later that day Update: Birthday plans: I have since logged in and cancelled his birthday golf outing and dinner reservations for next week. Tomorrow is my birthday and his day off work so he will be watching baby as I have also booked myself for a 90 minute massage. After that I will be stopping by Starbuck for my favorite drink and one hour of un-interrupted time with my new book that my son got me for Christmas. Then I will be picking him up from school and taking him to go see a movie. I will round off the day by coming home, taking a long hot bubble bath, ordering DoorDash and ending my day holding baby girl. That sounds like an amazing birthday to me. For him, I will just be getting him a card that reads "Happy Birthday, I painted the house for you." The bag will contain a case of diaper wipes. If he looks disappointed, I will just tell him "I cancelled the Golf outing and dinner reservations and instead go this bulk pack of wipes; the perfect gift to accompany the box of diapers you got me for Christmas." He will get the message. Divorce: As for the people advocating for divorce, kicking him to the curb, leaving with the kids in the middle of the night, claiming that he isn't a good husband to me and father to our baby, please know that you only got one little glimpse into our life. He is a loving and caring father to our children. We struggled with infertility for a very long time so this baby was a surprise but a welcomed blessing. Every day I prayed to not miscarry and even feared death during labor as my pregnancy was high-risk. He took a month off of work to care for me as I recovered from 3 degree tearing and a bruised tailbone. Every night he does the night time routine: Bath, pajamas, story time, and rocks baby girl to sleep. While he does that, I do the house reset: dishes, garbage, sweep. He wakes with me for all her feedings and prioritizes my sleep over his to make sure that I am rested enough to care for our daughter during the day. This is the same man who, during pregnancy, cooked me breakfast every morning and massaged my feet every night. Before he leaves for work every day he will make sure I have time to self-care (shower, brush my teeth, eat breakfast, and pump) before handing me the baby (if she's awake). Then he will make sure I am happy on the couch with baby girl and anything I could need before he leaves-blanket, remote, water cup, my phone, phone charger, a clean binky and bottle for baby. As soon as he get's home from work, he will take her and give me 30 minutes to myself before we start talking dinner plans. We make a good team when it comes to daily life. I don't have to make him lists of things to do. I like that when were low on milk, he will just pick it up on his way home without having to be asked and he doesn't wait for a "thank you" like he did me some big favor the way I have seen other men seek gratitude for doing basic tasks. He sucks at gift giving and this year and last year, so yes! I will be doing nothing for him for his birthday. Despite the shitty thoughtless gift and non-birthday birthday plans, I will be holding off on kicking him out and just matching his energy for his birthday. For Christmas 2026, I think I will get him an IKEA toddler bed to assemble for our daughter and call it a day. Update 2 (Same Post): January 6, 2026 (Next Day) Birthday update: Yesterday was my birthday. Hubby surprised me with breakfast out at my favorite local spot and we did a Home Depot run for more flooring. After that, I did go for my massage, It was wonderful, and I did stop at Starbuck for my free birthday drink. I didn't have time to sit and read before I had to pick my boy from school, but that's ok. Instead of going to see a movie at the theater we came home and began a Harry Potter Movie marathon. I LOVE Harry Potter. However, my son, without my knowing, had texted my dad and my best friend to come over and surprise me with a visit. He didn't know that I had already had my best friend and her niece scheduled to come over to look through a pile of clothes before I took a large haul to donate at the Salvation Army. It was so much fun watching her niece try on dresses. We wrapped up the night with some pizza and cheesy bread. Hubby surprised me with a little gift: two new books, a pack of my favorite cookies, and a squishy niffler that I can add to my Harry Potter book shelf. Overall, I had a great day. :) OOP's Comments: OOP comments a stand alone comment and is downvoted: I am disappointed that an AITA post became a dumping ground for people advocating for divorce... He does not deserve to lose his family. I don't deserve to become a single mother, and my children don't deserve to have their family torn apart over this. I was only looking to see if I would be an ASS for matching his energy when it comes to gift giving, not throw the whole marriage away. However, because of all the negative comments, calling me an asshole if I don't leave him, telling me that I have no self-worth. I have decided that I am going to still make the original birthday plans I had for him happen. I'm going to do it not because he didn't do something for me, I'm going to do it because I want my kids to see him happy. I want him to be happy. I want my son to see me do the right thing and not be petty. Despite how I felt on Christmas/birthday he is such a good father & husband in other ways and that is something I don't need to justify here on Reddit to make other people feel good. My original idea to be petty and match his energy died when I read all the hateful comments here on Reddit. So thank you Reddit readers, all the hate made me see how small this really was in comparison. He sucks at gift giving but is still worthy of love and respect for all the rest that he does for me and this family the other 363 days in a year. Marriage takes work, time and a whole lot of patience. No relationship lives in perpetual happiness because we are human and we make mistakes. CatPerson88: My husband wasn't quite this bad, but he did get me a vacuum during one of our first Christmases together. He got a lecture about what giving a woman household appliances says, especially when your wife also works full time... I learned to send him a list of specific items in a wide price range. He still occasionally screws up, but he's much better. We're still married 30+ yrs. Set ground rules. If he's a poor gift giver, I recommend doing what I do- when it's time to get you a gift, offer him a specific list, with site links, sizes, and colors. Any home repairs in lieu of gifts is to be discussed openly, not assumed, and both parties need to agree. It will get better. OOP: (downvoted) Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I'm thinking that next year I will be making him an Amazon wish list and sending it to him. He can pick something off that list and it will still be a surprise as to what he chose. submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwaway_2433 Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest I think I’m falling in love with my husband Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability Mood Spoilers: super sweet! Original Post: December 21, 2025 (Post got removed the first time so I’m reposting it 😭) My husband and I are 24. We’ve been very close friends since we were 14 and have been married for about five months now. The thing is, our marriage was strictly out of convenience. I was a single mom to a 1 year old (his father and I haven’t been together since I was three months pregnant) and my husband had just taken guardianship of his cousin who’s only a few months younger than my son. Since the kids are so close in age, we decided pretty much immediately to introduce them to each other. They’ve been best little friends ever since and after that my son and I were over at their house everyday. The marriage was purely my idea. My son and I were practically living at their house and we had already had a conversation about raising the kids together. I figured why not? We’d get the tax benefits, could combine our incomes, and have the kids grow up in a two-parent household. I did think about the chance that one of us could find someone else down the line and fuck everything up, but it wasn’t high on my radar. I gave up on relationships after my son’s father and my husband wasn’t really the type for relationships before we got married. I’ve never even really seen him express interest in someone before since I’ve known him. We’ve always had a running joke with our friends that he’d be the single uncle that one of our kids would have to take care of when he gets old. Clearly we didn’t think he’d become an adoptive father but that’s besides the point 😭 Anyways, I brought it up to him kind of as a joke one night (I was terrified to be serious about it idk why) and then we were married three weeks later. Everything happened so fast and it’s still insane to me because I fully expected him to call me stupid for even coming up with the idea. Did not expect him to agree and follow through so quickly. But that’s the long ass backstory on everything so everyone understands. The first few weeks of our marriage felt no different than what we were doing. The only real difference was my son and I moved in and were living with them. As of right now, we live in a three bedroom apartment. Babies share a room and my husband and I share a room. It was definitely weird sleeping in the same bed every night but we both got used to it eventually. After maybe the first month, I got too used to it and started completely sleeping through my alarms. I don’t know why, but I’ve started sleeping so heavily that I have to be physically woken up. So every morning when my alarms go off and wake up my husband, he rolls over, rubs my back, and whispers in my ear to wake me up. For background, my husband is a pretty prickly person. He doesn’t like physical contact with other people. In our entire ten years of being friends, we hugged ONCE. So this??? Literally rewrites my brain chemistry every morning. Like what the fuck. Even typing this out right now I’m genuinely getting butterflies and it’s so weird??? I probably sound so stupid but that’s not it. Around the same time, he started bringing me home flowers every Friday night. I was majorly confused the first time, but he said he’s trying to set a good example for what relationships should look like for the kids. (He grew up with a single mom and never met his dad, so he didn’t necessarily have a good example himself.) Even though he’s using it to set an example, it genuinely makes me so fucking happy every Friday. I literally look forward to getting home from work and seeing what bouquet he got this time. I’m not sure exactly what I’m feeling, if I’m just over romanticizing the situation and looking too much into things, but the past couple weeks I’ve been feeling like a child with a crush. He makes me blush just from LOOKING at me 😭 I’ve never felt that way about anyone before. Now I’m feeling ultra stupid because what if I catch feelings and he doesn’t, then I’m just in a one sided marriage. I’m also scared that I’m feeling this way because I’ve never been treated right before in my past relationships. Like am I falling in love with him or the feeling of being treated how I should be? I don’t know and I’m so confused. I think I’m screwed. EDIT: Thank you so much for all of the advice! Redditors have made me realize in a few short hours that I am in fact in love with my own husband lmao. His birthday is on Christmas, so I’m thinking of doing something special to just show my appreciation for him first. Nothing crazy like one comment suggested 👀 Hopefully I’ll have an update for you all soon! And hopefully it’s what you all want lol. Relevant Comments Commenter 1: … he isn’t going to bring flowers home weekly if he doesn’t have feelings. Talk to him, not Reddit! OOP: I don’t even know how to approach the topic. I also need to sort through my feelings first make sure it’s real before I say anything. I’m terrified of jumping the gun on this. Commenter 2: The plot of so many romance novels. OOP: No shit that’s exactly what one of our friends said at our courthouse ceremony. I rolled my eyes at the time but now I’m letting that feed my delusions Commenter 3: 👀 girl what do you wear to bed?? Let’s start plott… I mean planning 🙂‍↕️. OOP: LMFAOOO nooo omg. I wear sweats and his old t shirts to bed 😭. Commenter 4: Girl you wear HIS shirts to bed. That’s your man. Also there’s a spare room. If he didn’t want to share a room with you he wouldn’t. OOP: The third bedroom is his home office. His job has remote and in office days so it’s a nonnegotiable Commenter 5: I’ve seen many people have an office setup in their bedroom during college and Covid. Maybe it a non-negotiable because he likes sharing a bedroom with his wife. My motto with men is “if he wanted to, he would.” and he totally is. Translation: If he didn’t want to share a room with you he wouldn’t be. He’d find a way, but he’s choosing to share a room with you. He’s sharing a room with you, because he wants to. OOP: People keep saying this and it’s starting to make sense. I slept on our couch the first few days until my husband came out at 2 am and brought me to bed. I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable in any way but he was really insistent on it being a non issue Commenter 6: He moved you into his home. Into his bed. You don't HAVE to even really live in the same house to be legally married. Perhaps he's not great at communicating feelings but no way a man that didn't at least have true fondness for you would start this whole thing. Take it slow, be cautious of limerence OOP: I mean yes, we don’t have to live under the same roof to be legally married, but it’s for tax reasons and our kids. Easier to raise them together under the same roof OOP on the courthouse ceremony OOP: We did a courthouse ceremony and it’s really easy getting the paperwork for it. We started the process a few days after I suggested it and had to wait about two weeks for everything to go through. That’s why it seems so fast 😂   Update: December 26, 2025 [UPDATE] I think I’m falling in love with my husband Hi everyone! I want to thank you all for your input and well wishes. It helped me come to my senses quicker than I would’ve on my own. I appreciate every single one of you and I hope this update gives you all some peace of mind. I did end up taking some of your advice and planned a nice gesture for my husband yesterday. My goal in mind wasn’t to confess to him (because I still wanted to wait on that) but to just show how much I appreciate him for everything he does for our family. The original plan was to offer a back massage after we put the kids to bed. I bought some candles, massage oil, and even a cute little pajama set to wear. (IDK where my mind was at with that. I was deep into fantasy land LOL 😂) The point was to make it relaxing, but also set a kind of romantic mood? Well, it didn’t happen. My husband completely uprooted my plans that morning. Up until now, we’ve been wearing some cheap and super simple wedding bands that weren’t anything special. But for Christmas, he gifted me a whole set. Wedding band AND engagement ring. And he didn’t just hand it to me wrapped, he actually got down on one knee. When I tell you I CRIED! I thought I was hallucinating and I still feel like I am!!! Every single one of you were right. This was never a marriage of convenience to him. He’s been in love with me since we were in high school and just never thought to tell me even after we were already married. We had a lot of long conversations after the initial confession. (I will be sparing details because I didn’t expect it to turn out this way and I’d like it to remain a private moment between us) At the end of the day, we’re still trying to raise two toddlers and have agreed that they will always be our primary focus, but we are going to give a real relationship a shot. I will admit, it’s kind of scary, but I do think that this is the next step towards healing after my last relationship. I feel truly loved by my husband. I think that this is where I’m meant to be. Happy Holidays, nosy redditors ❤️.   DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP submitted by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Formal_Goat_6381 My (25f) Boyfriend (28m) and his friend/our Roommate (27m) found my blog and tried to 'reenact' a scene from a fanfic I wrote thinking that because I wrote it then I'd be down for a Cuckold(?) situation. I was not and ended up biting/punching Roommate. Originally posted to r/relationship_advice TRIGGER WARNING: attempted sexual assault, physical violence Original Post - rareddit Aug 27. 2020 Okay this is a lot but please bear with me. I've had the most jarring and stressful two days and I'm at a loss of what to do. I'm not even sure how to explain this, a LOT happened in a very short window of time and it left me confused and scared but to start; my Bf apparently found my blog where I write/post fanfiction in my spare time. It wasn't a secret blog, I've told him about it in passing but he just didn't seem interested. Most of it is sfw but there is some nsfw stuff as well. Only around 10% of the nsfw stuff are things I actually wrote for myself because I thought they were hot. The rest are commissions that people paid me to write. Please understand that a LOT of them involve kinks/fetishes that I myself am in no way interested in. I wrote them to meet the specifications of the people paying me. I have no issue with the stuff I wrote (I have hard limits on what I will write and won't write things that make me uncomfortable) but it just isn't my cup of tea. Now, my Bf apparently went through and read some of my nsfw stuff and got a few ideas of things we could try in the bedroom. Fine, normal. But instead of talking to me about it in private he thought it would be "more real and sexy" if he were to surprise me. So he went to his friend (who is also our Roommate) and got him into the idea of a threesome(?) type situation? My Bf is bi but I'd assumed RM was straight so I don't even know how that conversation went. But they planned to "surprise me" when I got home from shopping. When I got home RM said Bf went to visit his parents (they live 10 minutes away) and I said alright and started putting stuff away with his help. After it was done I turned around and RM was literally 3 inches from me and backed me up against the fridge. I've never felt nervous around him but in that moment I was very scared. He was acting strange and was too close. I asked him to back up, he refused and said he knew I liked him. Which in truth I HAD, almost a year before I'd had a very mild physical crush on him but I never once entertained the idea of doing anything about it because I was already in a relationship. After living with him though the crush very quickly faded. I was mad at this point, he was giving me a very smug/satisfied look like he knew what I was feeling better than me. He suggested we "get closer" (he used a grosser term) and that Bf wouldn't have to find out. I was fucking stunned. RM and Bf have been friends longer than I known either of them, which is close to a decade. So to hear him just bluntly say we should cheat together was fucking insane. And I didn't get to say anything besides "What??" before he leaned down fast and kissed me on the mouth. Everything happened so fast it felt like I moved in fast motion. I bit RM on the mouth, breaking skin and when he pulled himself back I didn't hesitate and punched him in the face. He ended up on the floor yelling. I grabbed my phone and was going to call 911 when to my surprise Bf came running out of RM's room looking panicked. He saw RM on the floor bleeding and me standing backed against the fridge with blood on my mouth (not a lot but enough to see). After that things sort of blur and we all ended up screaming at each other. I found out Bf found my blog, shared it with RM and they went through the nsfw stuff and unilaterally decided the stories were me projecting my sexual desires onto the characters??? And Bf thought I would be really into us all acting out one of the fics. I screamed at him that he was a fucking wack job and that all of those stories were commissioned work people PAID me to write. I was shaking. I was and still am so fucking mad. I felt sick like I was going to throw up because of how scared I got with RM getting so sexually aggressive with me. I thought I was going to be assaulted in my own home. Bf tried to apologize but I told him to fuck off. Then I grabbed some clothes and left. I went to my sister's house and just cried after she let me in. I feel bad for that because her daughter was there and saw me break down. I didn't mean to scare her or my sister. Once I wasn't ugly sobbing anymore I told her everything and she said I should call the cops and report them for it. But I don't know if that's too extreme. I don't know what to do. Bf's been calling me but I've not answered or listened to any of the voicemails he left me. I still feel violated and scared. Too much to think about going back right now. RM texted me a few times, apologizing but I've not replied to him either. I'm just laying on my sister's couch alone at nearly 1AM, unsure what to do now. How to move forward. Aside from this HUGE fuck up Bf has been a great boyfriend. He's not perfect but neither am I, but this is a really massive fuck up and I feel lost. Do I talk to him? Just break things off? Ghost him? I left all my stuff at the house. Is there any way to salvage this? Would I be dumb to try?? Any advice is helpful. Thank you. Sorry for the word vomit. I'm very tired and a mess. RELEVANT COMMENTS Demo_Bec Oh wow. First off, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Secondly, I think you should take some time off away from your boyfriend. If he thinks springing a sexually aggressive roommate on you without prior warning is ok then I'm not sure what else he's capable of. He needs to realise just how fucked up that is, and earn your forgiveness. Regardless, even if you'd begged and begged for weeks for this threesome, there would still be times, dates, place limitations. You'd be fully aware. Being sexually attacked in your own home must have scared the life out of you. OOP Yeah I'm not going to be going back to the house for a while. I just don't think I'd be mentally okay to. And.. the funniest part is we've talked about threeways before, years ago. Not like we were planning to do one, but we'd been talking on night in bed and we talked about kinks and stuff, you know. I said I wouldn't be opposed to it but I'd have to really really trust everyone involved. I'm not someone who can just sleep with someone I'm not close to. WHICH. RM is not someone I'd ever say I'm close to. We were (WERE) borderline friends sorta? But only in that "we see each other every day and are ok with each other" way. I just...I don't know what happened. Demo_Bec Guess that book just slammed shut for a while. Honestly, take all the time you need. Let him sweat. Someone else is the thread put it in the best way - 'your boyfriend arranged your rape.' From your point of view that's exactly what happened and he needs to understand that. OOP I like to hope that if I actually started screaming or crying then RM would have realized something was wrong and stopped. But at this point I'm totally unsure. And that's fucking horrifying. Demo_Bec I'm sorry to say this - do you really think someone who agreed to this scenario in the first place would recognise you're not 'playing along'? I can't get my head around the RM thinking it would be a good idea. Two men who were close to you went through several stages of failing to protect both you and your trust in them. Personally, I know I would never go back. But love does crazy things to people. OOP Christ I don't want to think so. But fuck how did he think this was alright?? I feel like I've been doing nothing but crying all day since yesterday. I don't want to start crying again, I might wake my niece. But I feel so fucking torn up. ~ SevenM Yeah, this isn't a little mistake. Both of them had to run several red lights to get to this crash. If the roommate goes to the hospital for stitches, the police could be called in for a potential domestic violence situation. If you think neither of them will attempt to press charges on you for what you did, you might let it slide. Then again, up until now, you probably never thought they would never conspire to rape you. OOP Shit I didn't even think of that. I don't know if RM needed stitches or not. I don't think I broke his nose or anything either but he was already bruising before I left. Anjallat I admire you for how well you fought back. One of my biggest fears is freezing in an assault situation. You're amazing, powerful, strong, inspiring! OOP I honestly was just mentally screaming and a couple seconds later he was on the ground. I just remember chomping down and then swinging. And told go to the police Will the cops even fucking do anything though?? I just feel so frustrated! Actual rape victims get dragged through the mud and their rapist goes free or at worst gets a few years in prison. I just feel like nobody will take this seriously. Or WORSE I would get charged for attacking RM. He's the one with injuries, not me. I feel so hopeless. Update - rareddit Sept 10, 2020 (2 weeks later) Hey everyone, long update. My original post got a TON more attention than I thought it would. Talking with everyone really made me step back and see how serious what happened to me was. And helped me come to a smart decision I believe. And a lot of people messaged me and offered a bunch of support and advice that I appreciate. Some asked if I would post an update once I figured out what I was going to do, to see if I was alright, etc. So here I am. To start off, I realized there's no salvaging this relationship. Not after this. There's no way I can continue to date someone who would actually go through with something this fucked up. Especially all on his own, without even once trying to see if it was something I'd even want. Even in the best case scenario he would just be a massive asshole who didn't look before he leaped into an unthinkably terrible idea. But... worst case scenario this whole thing was a lot more malicious than I'd like to dwell on... Neither option puts him in a flattering light. So Bf is now officially EX. A couple days after posting I finally sat down and listened to/read all the voicemails and texts EX and RM left me. I was hoping for some insight into what they were thinking when they did this. But sadly most of it was just them begging forgiveness in the same breath they used to make excuses for everything. Saying it was all a mistake, they didn't think it would hurt me, they were just trying to do something nice, that they thought I'd like it, could I please talk to them. Typical stuff some folks on here told me they'd say. Then their pleas for forgiveness slowly turned exasperated and annoyed the longer I didn't pick up/reply. Finally EX asked me not to 'do anything crazy' like go to the police because this was 'clearly all one big misunderstanding'. And if I did it could ruin how people see them or worse. That was when it really hit me that neither of them seemed to actually feel bad for what they'd done. They weren't ashamed of cornering me and almost raping me, they were just scared I'd tell everyone and they'd get looked at funny... I took everyone's advice and filed a police report. I don't feel like it'll even go very far but people were right, there needs to be a paper trail in case anything messed up like this happens again (be it to me or any other women they happen to enter relationships with). My sister went and sat with me while I told an officer everything. I even showed them the text messages and voicemails. To their credit the cop who was handling this actually took everything down like he sorta cared. Whether they follow up with anything is up in the air. I wasn't ready to meet in person with either of them but I needed my stuff out of their apartment, so I waited until I knew they were both working (their shifts overlapped a couple times a week) and when their cars were gone from the lot my sis, BIL, mom, and I all came and got my things. Thankfully we got everything of mine out. Which included the microwave, living room tv, all the spices/various kitchen stuff, half the cleaning supplies, the La-z-boy chair, the washer/dryer, and some other miscellaneous things on top of my personal possessions. All things they can live without (there's a laundry room available at the apartment complex and they never actually cook, so they'll be ok). But later my phone was blown up by EX and RM when they got home and saw I'd been there and taken all my stuff when they were at work. I texted them both a message saying I wasn't coming back, EX and I were over, I got my stuff and left their key sitting on the table and locked the door on my way out (I even took a pic as proof). Their messages were mostly along the vein of 'how will we pay rent now??' despite both of them making enough to cover it until they get a new roommate (so long as they don't blow their money on frivolous BS). I was never on the lease so legally I'm fine on that front. I also said that I didn't want either of them contacting me in any way, shape, or form from here onward. I was going to block them on everything and any further attempt to contact me would result in me getting a restraining order taken out on them. I didn't give them the chance to reply before I did as I said I would and blocked them. So far they haven't tried contacting me (as far as I know). But we'll see. And finally, I'm still not feeling fantastic but... I feel much better than before. I'm still sorta anxious since everything, but I'm sleeping better now. I'm still going to work but I did take a few days off to recuperate before heading back to the grind. I'm spending more quality time with my niece and sister/BIL, which is nice. I've set up a remote session with a therapist and will meet them via Zoom soon. I think talking through this will be good for me. I just want to thank everyone who commented and made me realize I'd been badly wronged. I was so ready to let my feelings for EX influence my actions on this. I'm glad so many of you talked sense into me. It doesn't matter who someone is to you (friend, bf, gf, etc), if they do something this terrible to you then they probably don't actually love you. And more than likely don't deserve your forgiveness. OOP left a final edit in the comments Edit: Thank you to everyone who offered their advice, it really helped put things into perspective for me. It made me step back and really look at the situation and see what happened was worse than I thought. I haven't spoken to Bf or RM yet. But I'm going to be listening to the voicemails and read the texts and then figure out where to go from there. Once everything is over and the dust has settled then I'll try to update everyone on how things went, but I don't know how long it'll be before then. I've got my sister, BIL, mom, and friends helping me so I think I'll be okay.

This documentary really opened my eyes to see how diddy essentially got both BIG and Tupac killed because he was jealous they were better friends with each other than with him. The documentary was 4 episodes long and it still didn't touch the tip of the iceburg... Here is everything sean "diddy" combs has done that the documentary didnt have time to cover: his bodyguard has talked about how diddy sent usher to the hospital as a small boy "bleeding from the b*tt" He has groomed his son to be just like him, his son Justin Combs has been accused in a new lawsuit of luring a woman from Louisiana to Los Angeles, where she was allegedly gang-raped by his father and two other masked men. She claims Justin Combs, 31, used his father’s celebrity status to lure the woman, only identified as “Jane Doe,” to Los Angeles with promises of a TV job in 2017. Instead, she was “held prisoner for a weekend,” given drugs and alcohol, and raped. Not to be confused with the other time he and his son Christian Combs gang raped a woman on a yacht in 2022. The mysterious death of Diddy's former longtime girlfriend and mother of his children, Kim Porter who died of "pneumonia" at 47. Combs was convicted of criminal mischief after he allegedly threatened a photographer with a gun. He blew up Kid cardis car with a molotov cocktail. Combs and his bodyguards were charged with attacking Interscope Records music executive Steve Stoute in his New York office in a dispute over a music video. (Combs is sentenced to an anger management course.) Combs was arrested after a confrontation at UCLA in Los Angeles, where one of his sons played football. Combs became the face of Diageo's Ciroc vodka in 2007 and had been working with the company until January 2024, when they settled a lawsuit Combs filed alleging racism within the brand. One former dancer, Adria English, alleged she was forced to wear a black dress (signaling she was a "sex trafficked sex worker") and have intercourse with guests, including jeweler Jacob Arabov, at various "White Parties". At least one lawsuit alleged that a 16-year-old male was assaulted at a 1998 White Party in the Hamptons, where Combs allegedly told the victim it was a "rite of passage" to becoming a star. 1999, the second annual White Party went was initially denied a permit from the East Hampton board. Combs threatened to sue. The board offered permission with certain constraints regarding guests, traffic, and time (Among those in attendance were Donald Trump) At another party Combs arrived carrying an original copy of the Declaration of Independence as his "date" (Norman Lear, who had purchased it in 2000, lent Combs the Declaration but hired three armed guards to chaperone it throughout the night.) This marked "a new level of fortune and braggadocio" for Combs. Liza Gardner filed a lawsuit alleging that in 1990, she was raped by Combs and R&B singer Aaron Hall. The lawsuit says that days later, Combs assaulted and choked Gardner until she lost consciousness. In an amended complaint filed Oct. 8, Gardner adds that she was 16 years old when she was invited to New Jersey from her home in North Carolina by her friends DeVante Swing and Dalvin DeGrate of the R&B group Jodeci. The lawsuit states that Jodeci's housing, where Gardner was staying, was "subsidized" by their label, Uptown Records, a subsidiary of MCA and UMG. It goes on to allege that Gardner and her 15-year-old friend, Monica Case, met Combs and Hall at an MCA Records event in New York, where they were reportedly supplied with alcohol. Combs and Hall allegedly provided the minors with more drinks and with marijuana later that night. McKinney was 22 years old and working as a model when an unnamed designer introduced her to Combs at a Sean John fashion show in New York City. Combs allegedly expressed interest in getting to know McKinney better and helping her modeling career grow. Later that night, he invited her to a recording studio, where McKinney says Combs and several other men were smoking marijuana and drinking. She took a hit of a joint, which according to the lawsuit, she believes was laced with another substance. The lawsuit states that Combs pressured McKinney to continue drinking and smoking, and as she became more intoxicated, she was led to a bathroom by Combs, who forced her to perform oral sex on him. Afterward, McKinney lost consciousness and awoke in a taxi en route to the designer's apartment. The lawsuit states that following the assault, McKinney became severely depressed. According to the lawsuit, she believes Combs "blackballed" her in the industry, which led to the downfall of her modeling career, and has had long-lasting effects on her mental health. April Lampros filed a lawsuit naming Combs, Bad Boy Entertainment and Arista Records, a subsidiary of Sony Music. Lampros met Combs in 1994 while studying at the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York City. She says Combs often invited her to the Bad Boy studio, promised to mentor and help her advance her career and began "love-bombing" her. They started dating and Lampros would often travel to see Combs, though he asked that their relationship be kept private. In the suit, Lampros accuses Combs of sexually assaulting her on four separate occasions and repeatedly threatening to harm her, both physically and professionally. In one such instance, Combs allegedly forced Lampros and his then-girlfriend Kim Porter to take ecstasy, forced them to engage in sex while he watched and then raped Lampros. Though she tried to distance herself from Combs as the relationship turned abusive, Lampros says Combs continually contacted her, and she feared the repercussions of rebuffing his advances. The lawsuit states that after Lampros' relationship with Combs had ended, she was told by someone she knew that he had seen a video of her and Combs having sex, recorded without her knowledge. a man incarcerated in Michigan filed a lawsuit against Combs alleging that the rapper drugged and sexually assaulted him in Detroit in 1997. During a hearing in September, a default judgment was granted to Cardello-Smith for $100 million after Combs and his lawyers failed to appear in court. Shortly after, the judgment was set aside on grounds that Cardello-Smith's lawsuit, mailed to a Combs residence in Los Angeles, was not properly served Richard and her bandmates were subjected to inhumane working conditions during their time on the show and in the musical group, sometimes being forced to rehearse for up to 48 hours without food or breaks and often being berated by Combs. The complaint states that the abusive behavior continued throughout Richard's professional relationship with Combs, and that he instilled a culture of fear in the women he worked with. After Danity Kane disbanded in 2009, Richard continued to work with Combs in the trio Diddy — Dirty Money, along with singer Kalenna Harper — who allegedly also witnessed much of Combs' abusive behavior and was subject to his numerous threats. The lawsuit alleges Combs would force Richard to take meetings while he was in his underwear, and he would barge into her dressing room unannounced and would grope her breasts and buttocks during stylist fittings. In one instance in 2010, the lawsuit states that Combs berated Richard and Harper in the lobby of SIR Studios and attempted to punch Richard when she asked him to stop calling them "bitches" in front of people. Richard alleges the women were then ushered into a company car and that Combs and Harve Pierre falsely imprisoned them in the vehicle for over two hours. In addition to the allegations of abuse, Richard's lawsuit demands unpaid salaries, royalties and wages for Richard's work as part of Danity Kane and Diddy (Dirty Money). After she filed she missed 128 calls from Combs. a woman named Thalia Graves filed a lawsuit accusing Combs and his bodyguard Joseph Sherman of raping her, recording the assault without her knowledge and distributing the video as pornography. Graves alleges that the assault took place in 2001, when she was 25 years old and dating an unnamed record producer who worked with Combs. She says Combs and Sherman took advantage of her relationship with their colleague to lure her to a recording studio alone, where they gave her a drink she believes was laced with some kind of drug. The lawsuit says Graves lost consciousness and awoke to find herself bound and restrained; Combs and Sherman then proceeded to take turns raping her. Graves says she did not report the alleged crime out of fear of Combs' retaliation, and that her boyfriend at the time discouraged her from doing so because it might hurt his career. In November 2023, Graves alleges she learned the rape had been recorded by Sherman and Combs, who showed it to others with the purpose of humiliating Graves and her then-boyfriend. The lawsuit details how the crime and the knowledge of its recording has had dire, long-lasting consequences on Graves' mental health. Ashley Parham alleges that in 2018, she met a man named Shane Pearce who was associated with Combs. Parham says Pearce called Combs on FaceTime in front of her, but she made remarks about being unimpressed because "she believed Defendant Diddy had something to do with the murder of Tupac Shakur." Combs allegedly became upset by Parham's statements during the call. The complaint says that some time later, Pearce invited Parham over to his home. While she was there, Combs allegedly arrived with Kristina Khorram and several unnamed others. The lawsuit states that Combs was angry at Parham for how she had treated him over the video call. Combs allegedly threatened to physically harm Parham with a knife, while Khorram allegedly said they could "sell" the plaintiff for sex. The lawsuit states that Pearce and Combs then removed Parham's clothing and Combs squirted Parham with what she believes was an oil or lubricant. According to the lawsuit, Khorram was instructed by Diddy to insert a syringe into Parham's vagina. The lawsuit goes on to state that Combs, Pearce and two unnamed defendants violently raped Parham and that Combs forced an unknown pill down the woman's throat. Bryana "Bana" Bongolan filed a lawsuit against Combs in California that alleges the mogul groped her breasts, dangled her over the balcony of a 17th floor apartment and frequently threatened and intimidated her. Bongolan worked with Cassie Ventura at Diamond Supply Co. in 2014, which led the two women to develop a friendship. As they got closer, Bongolan alleges that she became aware of Combs' violent and abusive behavior towards Ventura, eventually leading to Ventura showing Bongolan bruises and a black eye she received from Combs. Throughout the time they worked together, Bongolan alleges that Combs intimidated and threatened her, including an instance in which he forcibly drugged her and another in which he said "You have no idea what I could do to you. I could kill you." The lawsuit states that in September of 2016, Bongolan, her then-girlfriend and Ventura were at Ventura's apartment when Combs began violently knocking on the door. After making his way in, Bongolan alleges he found her on the balcony and began groping her breasts. When she resisted, she alleges that he picked her up and held her over the ledge of the 17th floor balcony, and then slammed her into patio furniture. an unnamed plaintiff filed a civil lawsuit against Combs alleging that he and an unnamed male celebrity assaulted her at an MTV Video Music Awards after-party in 2000, when she was only 13 years old. On December 8, the lawsuit was amended and refiled to name Jay-Z, whose real name is Shawn Carter, as the second assailant. The complaint states that the plaintiff accepted a drink that made her woozy, leading her to retire to one of the bedrooms. She alleges that Carter, Combs and an unnamed female celebrity entered the room and that the two men raped her while the female celebrity stood by and watched. Combs and Jay z settled out of court. Combs' former bodyguard is named as a co-defendant in Graves' lawsuit, along with Daddy's House Recordings, Bad Boy Entertainment and more. Graves claims that Sherman actively raped her alongside Combs in 2001. The lawsuit states that when she attempted to escape the assault, Combs slammed her head into a pool table, causing her to lose consciousness. After waking up, she says Sherman continued to assault her and slapped her until she passed out a third time. Caresha Brownlee, aka Yung Miami, half of the rap duo City Girls, dated Combs in recent years. In August, she denied knowing anything about the accusations that have surfaced against her ex. "I can't speak on these allegations because I wasn't around at the time," she said on her Revolt TV show, Caresha Please. "I don't know that person, and that wasn't my experience." In September, however, Brownlee was named in a lawsuit filed against Combs by an unnamed woman. The lawsuit alleges that the plaintiff was forced to travel and "perform" for Combs many times from 2021 to 2024. Much of this travel was reportedly paid for by Combs' staffer Kristina Khorram. The suit states that in 2022, the plaintiff was forced to take drugs and have sex with Combs. When she learned she was pregnant and told Combs, the lawsuit states that Brownlee (who is not a co-defendant on the complaint) harassed and called the plaintiff repeatedly, pressuring her to get an abortion. The stress allegedly led the woman to suffer a miscarriage. Please add anything else I've missed. submitted by /u/MyUnreliableSauces to r/television [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrozoneAway AITA for "turning" my SIL gay? Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole TRIGGER WARNING: homophobia, accusations of infidelity Original Post July 5, 2020 throwaway. i'll keep this short. i'm a 30f (and a lesbian, been out and proud since 05) i've been living with my brother/SIL since the start of 2019. a year before quarantine happened. but this drama stuff blew up within the last couple weeks. ok so i asked to move in to bro/SILs place for a while so i could save up for a nicer place (my last apt was in a shit area and i didn't feel safe). they agreed cuz they knew how dangerous my place was and bro thought it would be a good idea for SIL to have someone around while he was gone. (fyi he's a truck driver and is gone for like over a week at a time and had to leave SIL home alone) alright well their house isn't a mansion but it's roomy enough to where i could have my then FWBs over on some nights a week without worrying that i'd be disturbing SIL (their bedroom is like across the house from my room/guest room) and i asked if it was cool with both beforehand and they said as long as i and anyone i brought over was quiet and respectful it'd be okay. so i would regularly bring over FWBs/gfs if i was dating at the time. but that all stopped once quarantine happened. well bro and i still have our jobs. SIL and i have been hanging out more (since we're pretty much the only company we get) but i noticed she'd been acting odd for a month or so into the quarantine. but i figured it was just cabin fever jitters, understandable. but then the last few times bro came home things between him and SIL was a little off. i figured they were having a spat and it didn't involve me. well apparently it did because bro came home a couple days ago and things were still tense, i didn't even eat dinner with them, i just ate in my room. but after dinner i heard yelling from the other side of the house but before i could get up to check it out i heard stomping feet then bro bust into my room and started cussing me out and saying i "ruined his marriage" and SIL was yelling at him to stop and it "wasn't her fault". i'm just so confused. i ofc ask what the hell is even happening. i don't think i have enough space to type out the gritty of the convo but apparently SIL is/was a closeted lesbian. and she came out to bro after dinner. she explained it that seeing me be so happy and out made it hard for her to "keep up the lie". i'm still speechless because i had no clue she was anything but straight. i'm not saying 'gaydar' is real but usually i'll at least get a 'vibe'. but then bro says i'm an "evil asshole" and i "turned his wife gay" and how he never should have let me move in. SIL told him to stop, how she would have come out eventually, with or without me there. i felt really awkward and bro said i need to be gone by the time he returns from his next trip. which was heartbreaking, because he really looked like he hated my guts. i feel like such an a-hole. SIL and bro always seemed so happy, like the perfect couple. but i called my friend and she said i'm not the a-hole. i'm just tired and unsure. AITA? RELEVANT COMMENTS ChiboxNZ NAH You didn't turn her gay, she realized she wasn't straight, she told your bro. If anything, SIL was an AH for potentially stringing your bro along if she didn't have feelings for him, but maybe she thought she could "cure" her gayness.. Super unpleasant for all parties involved, but no-one is actually really bad here OOP SIL said she didn't think she was gay til about 3 years ago (they got married about 7 years previous) and she was too scared to acknowledge it because of the way her shitty parents raised her on top of the fact she had been married to my bro for nearly 4 years by then. she said she mostly kept silent because saying anything would have hurt my bro. and despite everything she said she cares about him a lot. nickkkmn I really don't understand how this works so help me out here . SIL is an adult woman that married your brother . I presume that she had sexual urges her whole adult life , and those apparently didn't include men . Therefore , at no point did she feel any sexual attraction to your brother . Why did she marry him then in the first place ? OOP i had to ask her this (because at the end of the day i dont know what it's like to marry someone you're not attracted to) and she said that she's only recently understood that the 'strong platonic love' she felt for the women friends in her life was actually romantic/sexual attraction. she grew up in a very staunchly religious home with very homophobic parents who condemned everything not traditional/heterosexual. apparently her mother and father openly hated each other and treated her and her siblings even worse. so she grew up with the mindset that her marriage would follow the same tone. so she dated men, felt nothing for them and the sex was uneventful, but it was Expected. so no red flags there. and when she met my brother they really hit it off, and she assumed that That was her in love! she and my bro had the same hobbies, they liked the same music and just generally synced up perfectly! she said the bedroom stuff was still uneventful but again, she'd seen the women she grew up around all look unhappy so that must be normal. She mistook her close platonic love for my brother as romantic love so, they got married. ~ Kelliisbelli NTA: If anything your brother is. I understand that he's hurt but he's taking his hurt as an opportunity to be homophobic. Anyone who's truly an allly wouldn't say that because they understand that "turning someone gay" is impossible. Even if it's hard he should've understood that his wife has always been a lesbian and thet it would've come out eventually or she would've lived miserably and that she's probably still his friend (she did marry him after all) he owes you an apology as far as I'm concerned. OOP I'm trying to keep that in mind. he's hurting but he and I will talk when he's back and had time to think. and yeah SIL said she does love him in a way, just not a way he wants. and she wishes she could love him how he wants. she said she married him cuz she cares about him and she thought that's just how getting married was supposed to be. ~ cantnothurtmyself NTA but perhaps you should distance yourself for a bit. He's reacting with anger to this breakup and misdirecting it at you. Hopefully it doesn't take too long for him to see you had nothing to do with it. OOP well i'm in the process of moving out. he made it clear i'm not going to be welcome when he gets home so... hopefully that will help. VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE OOP Updated Aug 26, 2020 (nearly 2 months later)/Same Post EDIT/UPDATE?: hey guys sorry for the dead silence. uh, well i moved out. got my new place and it's pretty nice. it's weird not having anyone here when i get back from work but i'm sure that's just cuz i've been living at bro's place so long. but i know you all just wanna hear about bro/sil and not my new place so... bro and sil are definitely getting divorced. i moved out before he got back, just like he wanted. before i did though bro called me and we talked on the phone while he was off the clock. like a LOT of you predicted he asked if sil and i slept together at any point. i'm not proud but i sorta flipped my shit on him for that. he KNOWS my dating history, he knows how i feel about cheaters. i told him it hurt to know he thinks i'm no better than my cheating ex. that i cared so little about our bro/sis relationship that i'd actually fuck his wife (who i reiterated that i only see as a sister, but even if i DIDN'T i'd still never cheat). he broke down you guys. full on ugly cried on the phone. it was awkward but i think he really needed it. he apologized, for everything. going ballistic on me, kicking me out during a pandemic, thinking i'd cheat with anyone. everything. i told him thanks but i need time to forgive him. the hurt's not gonna disappear just cuz he said sorry, but it helped soothe it. and i said i still love him. he said i didn't have to move out but i said i was already in the process of getting my new place, so it was fine. i could tell he felt bad still but i didn't try to placate him. some of you said i shouldn't have to. i shouldn't say 'it's okay' because it's not. how he treated me isn't okay. but he told me he and sil were definitely splitting up. i told him i figured so.. what with everything. no counseling can save a marriage where one partner is gay.. but i didn't say that. just that i thought so. he tried to lighten the mood by saying he asked sil about the cheating thing first and she flipped her shit on him even worse than i did. he said it jokey but i can tell he was serious. i asked what she said and he sorta sounded awkward but said she told him, "I found out I was gay, but that doesn't mean I'm some cheating whore!" that and just how he was gross for thinking she's screw some kid (pft thanks for that) let alone her husband's kid sister that she's known since said kid was a minor. also that it was messed up that he just automatically assumed she would hop on the first gay woman in her vicinity when they were still very much married. and it was just all around not received well by sil.. which i can understand. being accused of cheating by people you love fucking hurts. last i checked things were...civil between bro and sil. she moved fully into the other bedroom so she and he could have space i guess for when he was home. sil is trying to move their divorce along but from what i've heard bro is sorta dragging his feet. idk what's going on there and i haven't asked. not my business tbh. our family is disappointed that they're splitting but with the circumstances they understand it's necessary. i talk to bro a few times a week, just texting but i told him about how there's support groups for spouses whose partner came out as gay and he should check them out. it would help him through this. he sounded hesitant but said he'd look into it so that's good. i don't know if he will but i hope so. i also pointed sil in the direction of some threads for people who realized they were gay while in a straight relationship. she was thankful. and that's about it. i still speak to sil, i'd feel like shit just cutting her off like some people suggested. she's like my big sister. i've known her for years. and aside from this she's been nothing but the best wife/sil ever. so. idk we're all moving forward. sorry nothing super dramatic happened but at least it wasn't a sad update. peace everyone, thanks for helping me work this crap out.

EDIT Here are answers to common questions I am seeing: Does my workout/diet interfere with time with my family? No, it does not. I wake up early before anyone else is awake and workout in the garage. The only time I go to the gym is on my lunch break at work. I would not be able to leave the office early if I did not workout at lunch. My meal prep happens on Sunday when the family is at church (I would not be going to church with them even if I was not meal prepping). I shop for the whole house for groceries for the week and then make a big batch of chicken thighs, big batch of chicken legs, and a big batch of chickpea salad, and then vacuum seal and put into the freezer in the garage. Do you cook for your family? Yes, I cook 100% of at home dinners for my wife and son. I make them whatever my wife wants. I will warm up my food in the microwave and eat with them. Does your wife get time to herself? Yes, my son is in daycare. That started in June. Prior to that, he was at home with my wife and did a mother's day out. Additionally, both our moms are retired and love to be with our son whenever they can, so she would regularly drop him off. Additionally, in the evenings during the week, after dinner, I am solely responsible for the kid until I go to bed at 10:30. I am also solely responsible for him on Saturday mornings. And if I am not working, I will be with our son whenever she needs/wants. Spending time with the little guy is incredibly fun for me. Do you spend time with just you and your wife? Yes, we have weekly date night on Saturday and usually do something just us on Sunday. We also spend an hour or two Monday-Friday together. Do you do chores? Yes, they include mopping, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms every other week, all yard-related tasks, doing any poopy/pee laundry for my son, doing all my own laundry, woring with my son to straighten up his room before bed, and maintaining my areas of the house (namely my section of the bedroom). This is a throwaway account My wife (Jen) and I went to the same college. We met at the beginning of her freshman year (my sophomore year) in Fall 2017. I was an offensive tackle on the football team, as such, I was always a large guy. Jen was a small girl with an hourglass figure who guys on campus would pretty brazenly check out whenever she went anywhere. We started dating pretty quickly and dated on and off over the next 2 1/2 years. When COVID shutdowns hit, we were living together. Jen got pregnant during the shutdowns. At that time, I was weighing about 350 lbs. I had some pretty significant back and knee problems. I decided I needed to make a change because I wanted to be an active and involved father. At first, Jen was supportive. I changed my diet (no fried food, sweets, or soft drinks). I increased my workout routine. The weight pretty quickly started coming off. By the time my son was born in early 2021, I was down to 310 (about the weight I was when Jen and I started dating). We got married in the Summer of 2021. I decided I wanted to keep losing weight. I was motivated, feeling great, and wanted to get to about 200-210. Jen became less supportive, but she was not hostile towards my goal. I did my best to structure my workout routine to decrease the amount of time I was away from home. I started going to the gym during my lunch breaks from work and made a little area in the garage for me to do my cardio in the morning. I made all of my own meals. Outside of her concerns about my weight loss, our marriage seemed good. I was in individual counseling and had suggested couples counseling, but Jen was not open to the idea. We were both enjoying our little family life with our son. We decided to try for a second child. Jen is currently six months pregnant. Since getting pregnant, Jen has become very hostile towards my diet and workout routine. It has mostly consisted of digs and passive-aggressive remarks about my working out and about my body. About two months ago was her 25th birthday. We got dressed up and went out to a nice dinner. The evening seemed to be going well until she went to the bathroom. When she came back, her demeanor had changed completely (I recently learned she had overheard some women in the bathroom commenting on how "cute" I was). Her overt hostility towards me working out has increased dramatically. The thing that is making me leave is that there is a fridge in the garage where I store my pre-made meals. I will make meals for two weeks, store/freeze them there, defrost, and then warm them up for meal time. I had just done two weeks' worth of meals, and she threw out the meals. I told her I was disgusted and done. This happened about six weeks ago. She has since come to me and tried to offer an explanation. Except that her explanation has made it worse. She is jealous because she used to get all this attention from other men, while I got no attention from other women and now, I get attention from other women and she gets no attention from other men. I asked her why she would even want attention from other men, and she could not explain it beyond, "it makes her feel good." I asked her how she would feel if I told her that I workout because I wanted attention from other women? She said she would assume I was cheating. She said she is willing to do counseling now. She had repeatedly tried to initiate sex and I have blocked those advances. AITA because I want to leave? submitted by /u/PictureDry6904 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Zestyclose_Phrase479 My bf M/20 gave me, F/20, an ultimatum over him or my hobbies. Originally posted to r/relationship_advice Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU TRIGGER WARNING: *!controlling behavior!

am not OP. That is u/Brave-Company2867 who posted to r/MarkNarrations TW: entitlement, harassment/bullying, distressing materials, Trespassing, sexual intimidation, and domestic violence Original Post June 24th, 2025 I (33F) bought my home right before the pandemic. The world shut down and I shut into my remote work with the solitude and comfort of a natural introvert. The house was extra large and I only really could afford it because the family selling was in need of a quick sell. The house has a finished attic and basement, which were easily converted into not-so-mini apartments. The basement has its own entry point and also connects into the main house. There are four bedrooms, two baths and the master room has a walk in closet. During the pandemic, my sister both were hit hard and quickly needed to downsize as their own roommates moved back home. My sisters (25F and 27F) and I do not have such a luxury so I offered them rooms at below market rate and told them they needed to supply their own food. The rent was really to help with increase in bills. They were both still in school at the time but also working. This arrangement gave them more breathing room financially. Then, a girl they both knew was evicted from her home with her bf because the family they rented from needed the home back. I offered the basement at near-market rate, though still a little under as I felt bad and it is a basement apartment. After that, a friend of a friend heard about my arrangement and asked if there was any room left. I gave him the attic apartment for another near-market rent. Rental agreements were drafted up for each person. I explained the basic rules, the rent, and how long they would have if rent was not received. I told them to read it and return it to me when signed. I left them each with their own copy. I collect the rent the first Saturday of the month. They leave the name blank on the checks for me to fill out and I always thought it was because they were afraid of misspelling my stupidly unique name and having the check bounce as a result. Apparently not. The issue: I still have one "free" room in the main part of the house but I use it as my office and it locks up. My friend knows my sisters and they got to chatting up while out together, they bumped into each other during a day out. My sisters mentioned the "extra room" and my friend has a cousin (18F) who will be starting college in our city and asked if "my landlord" would rent it out to her. I brushed over the comment because I thought there was miscommunication and told her the room wasn't for rent as I use it for my at home office. She asked if I was paying for the room and I told her, "Why would I pay for a room in a house I own?" She got a little quiet, apologized for pushing and told me the struggle its been to find a spot for her cousin. I told her all of my tenants are solid until December when renewals go out. I can offer her a spot if someone moves but I stressed it was unlikely as everyone gets along, stays out of each others business, and it works well for them. We dropped the topic. A few days ago my sisters asked me how the talk went and I said it was ok, but her cousin won't be moving in. They asked why and I explained to them the situation above. They suggested I move my office to my bedroom or the main room and "stop paying rent for an extra room to save costs". When I asked what they meant, they said "well you do pay rent for the extra space right?" No. I then asked if they knew I was the landlord and they were floored. They never actually read the agreements they have been signing. They went off on me about how I should have told them and that they shouldn't have to be paying rent to family. I told them the rent was to cover their increase in bills. I wasn't going to house them for free when they made enough to cover a fair share on a shared expense. If they would rather full market rent on the rooms they were currently in, I could arrange that come renewal. By now they could afford it with their jobs and having saved money on rent for 5 years. They called me an asshole for holding rent above their heads. This then leaked to the tenants as they talked about the issue to their friends in the basement. While their rent is more than just for bills, it is not the market rent value I could get out of the space despite them each having income and no family to support. They came to me to ask that I LOWER the rent, as if being friends with my sisters was reason enough as I was the landlord and not "somebody they didn't actually know". The deal they had no longer seems in their favor, apparently. I told them they had until December to decide if they wanted a renewal because it was not going to be lowered. They are now acting like I am kicking them out, when all I said was now that they fully understand their position they needed to make a choice to stay as with current costs and annual adjustments as needed as was our agreement or begin the process of looking as rent prices have skyrocketed and its much harder to find a place. The adjustments do not include "knowing I am the landlord". My attic tenant asked if I was "cleaning house" and basically begged I don't kick him out. His family turned their back on him because of....conflicting views. Personally, his views don't bother me. His family's though. Eesh. I explained it all in detail and he was like, wait I always knew you were my landlord because its in the rental agreement. But he also never put my name down because "its hard to spell". Now everyone is upset with me and I feel unwelcomed in my own home. AITA? WIBTA if I didn't renew one or all of their leases because of this hostility I feel? Edit: word Quick Edit since I keep seeing a similar question: Our lives have been a mess of social services and foster care as children, all aging out at 18. I didn't go out of my way to tell them about my buying a house, partly out of guilt, and they came to me for leads on places to live in a time of need. The guilt comes from not taking them in when I had the opportunity at 18. I would have had to jump through massive loops and I did not feel prepared to care for myself, let another a couple of kids I hardly knew since we had been separated often. We reconnected when they aged out and built from there. We also do not share the same last names as we each have different fathers. Update June 27th, 2025 AITA for not telling my roommates and sisters I am the owner? Update Hello everyone. I wanted to thank everybody for taking the time to read my last post and offer up their advice, comments, thoughts, and judgment. I took some of the advice given and have taken the "don't rent to family or friends again" to heart. So I'm going to jump into the update. I'm going to try to break it down bit by bit before going into it all. Mr. Attic - I'm keeping him. I pulled him aside first and separately. I told him I would not be renewing the others' leases in December and asked if he would want to rent the basement for at market value. He turned it down, asking to keep the attic as he is comfortable there. I told him it would probably be in his best interest to let the others believe this is a whole house clean out so he doesn't get caught in the cross fire. He agreed and went out of his way to turn his social media to private. He also sent me screenshots of a group chat he had been added to. The group chat - My sisters and other pair of tenants started up a group chat to bitch about me being so uncompromising and greedy. They were coming up with ideas to not pay rent or to only pay in part. The basement tenants "joked" about one of them "losing" their jobs so they could ask for leniency since I was too "stuck up to be kind" to them about the rent. The harassment - My sisters and Mr/s Basement had told their friends (and the families of Mr/s Basement) about the rent, the "lies", and my "inability to consider outside perspective and need". I've had a steady stream of calls, DMs, texts, and posts directed at me since before I made my last post, which is what prompted me to post. I made my accounts private, disabled some of the messaging functions, and told the four of them to get this to stop before I got my lawyer involved. Spoiler: they didn't. So after taking a night to think about it, I brought the group together to have a discussion about the rent and situation. My sisters looked smug and Mr/s Basement kept sharing knowing looks. I told them bluntly I was not going to renew leases in December because their actions, attitudes, and lack of consideration has made me feel unvalued, humiliated by their family, and unwelcome in my own home. I told them if they found an apartment or place to go before December, I wouldn't charge them for breaking the lease but if there was ANY damage anywhere, they would not get their security deposits back until the pricing out was settled. If there was more damage than their security deposit, they would be taken to court. I told them I was done being kind and understanding to people who thought so lowly of me. I also warned them I could and would break the leases myself if I felt the need, in which case they would have 30 days. It was immediate chaos. A lot of yelling, insults, and cursing. Even Mr. Attic, but he was yelling at the others for "getting him kicked out when he didn't do anything". He made an epic show of storming up to the attic and slamming the door. He sent me laughing emojis and texted that he wasn't going to be able to keep a straight face a little later. I waited for them to stop yelling and when they demanded what they would do, I set a stack of ads for apartments and houses for rent in the nearby area and said they would have to start looking now. I told my sisters I would help pay for their moving truck but told the basement tenants they would have to ask their families for help moving out. Mr. Basement picked up the stack of papers and his eyes went wide. He stared at me and asked if I was fucking serious. I told him the prices listed were not mine to judge, change, or deal with. I reminded him his current place was below market because I had a say in it. Market prices for one bedrooms in the area are well over 1500$ a month, if he wants near his work and close enough to walk to stores and things. He currently has a two bedroom for less than that. My sisters grabbed some of the papers and the 27 year old started crying because she couldn't afford an apartment on her own. She told me about her student loans and credit card debt. I told her, Too bad. I gave you a good deal out of kindness and you sent an army after me. I would have considered letting you stay if you hadn't been so nasty. I told all of them they could probably swing a two bedroom between the four of them and got up and left. They refuse to talk to me now. My sisters spent the night in the basement apartment and I could hear shrieks and crying if I walked by the door that leads down there. I feel a little bad but I reread your comments to keep my sanity. As for if I want them out, I can give them 30 days notice since they are inside my own home. I checked and double checked with the lawyer and this information had been in their rental contracts. If I do have to kick them, and they try to refuse to leave and drag it out in court (which they don't have the money for) I have been given some handy advice by a fellow landlord who had to remove his own brother. I can't remove them by force but I can make "living" there entirely uncomfortable. Nothing stops me from taking doors off hinges or starting remodeling while their stuff is in the way. Nothing stops me from turning off the water or electric for their sections of the house during remodeling. (Quick edit: JUST for remodeling purposes. It wouldn't be done to make them leave. But they can't stop my remodeling as squatters.) It might seem like an asshole thing to do, but they would be the ones to start it and I actually do want to repaint and do some adjustments. The reason I am leaning on evicting them by August is because the harassment has gotten so much worse now that there is an actual non-renewal happening. I'm leaving my phone on silent and collecting messages, voicemails, emails, and other things to hand off to my lawyer next week. I told them to call off their dogs and they haven't. I asked Mr. Attic if he knew anyone who would need a place and to let me know. He has a few friends from his community who seem interested, as they either live with roommates or family and want out. If anyone has any questions this quiet morning, I will try to answer them. Quick Edit: I have cameras outside and in common rooms - facing the front and back doors, the hallways upstairs and the door leading to the basement. The tenants have access to the entry point ones like Mr Attic has the hallway to his area, Mr/s Basement have the feed that leads to their door inside the main house and they all have outside camera access. I'm thinking of cutting access to the outside cameras for them. They can't do anything to the feeds as they are guests in the system (so they can't delete anything) and my access automatically saves on extra external systems. I might just cut them all out of the system except Mr. Attic for piece of mind. Also, I keep seeing people ask about our family. There are no parents and no family from our side. My sisters have no relationships with their fathers or their families, mine had been killed due to his own actions (there is no sympathy for the likes of him) and his family shunned him so they shunned me as well, and our mother is a cup of ash left at the funeral home. Update 2 July 2nd, 2025 AITA for not telling my roommates and sisters I am the owner? Update 2 Hey everyone. I'm very tired. Thank you all for your kind words and wonderful advice. Onto the update. Mr. Attic's friends - Two have agreed to take the bedrooms my sisters are currently occupying when they move out. I've met them, we talked at length, and they are wonderful people. One helped me change the tire on my car because I ended up with a flat just after our meeting and she was incredibly kind and showed me how to change it. Like she walked me through it step by step, letting me do it but just explaining how. I can't believe I've never changed a tire before. Weirdly embarrassing. The harassment and lawyer - The lawyer sent a cease and desist to everyone that had contacted me. Then, he went on and filed for restraining orders/orders of protection and a claim for slander/defamations. There were many posts with me tagged or with my name claiming I was an unfit landlord, a slum lord, a greedy bitch, a homewrecker (because I apparently came onto MR. Basement - haha, so funny because he is fugly and you couldn't pay me to touch that) and more. These things take time but there was an almost immediate drop off of calls, messages, ect. Mr/s Basement - Have been served their notice. They helped spread lies and deception. They have ceased all communication with me but they only have 30 days and I have post it notes on their porch reminding them every day how long they have. I've seen them starting to take smaller things out today, which is what prompted this update. Mrs. Basement can be heard crying a lot if I stand by the top of the stairs. I think they might be moving back in with family, which is what they had been avoiding by moving into my basement. Her mother is toxic, her father has a new wife who hates her, and Mr. Basement's family dislikes her enough to outright ignore her or tell it to her face that she isn't family, especially because she "won't" give her bf a family. Spoiler: she can't have kids due to medical stuff. And they aren't even married. Group chat- I have screenshots of their group chat (curtesy of Mr. Attic) and there is a lot of evidence of them feeding lies to others, talking all about how they told this person this, or that person that. Mr. Basement made the claim I came onto him, and his girlfriend went nuts. I think she doesn't know he lied about it, just to make it more believable to others. When he first made the claim, she blew up my phone and social media before dragging it to others. My sisters "weren't surprised by my behavior". That....stung. I have never done anything like that in the past. My sisters- They also have their notices. The 25 year old is already moving in with a couple of friends who think I am horse shit. They come every so often to help her move things and they send me nasty looks or make loud, intentional comments for me to hear. She has been dumping my food into the trash and dumping it down the sink. I just got a minifridge for my room and she spends night screaming at my locked door. I take my work to a local cafe (rather, multiple ones) or library now because she will just shriek any time she thinks I'm working. I make it vary and don't go to the same place twice in a row. The 27 year old has turned to begging for me to let her stay as she can't afford to live on her own and she has no one willing to take her. Her boy toy (didn't even know she had one) broke up with her when he got the cease and desist from the lawyer. He was one of the ones causing problems but once the lawyer stepped in to bat, he bounced. According to Mr. Attic, he heard her telling someone something along the lines of he could move in if he helped her get me to leave or back down because "its family property". She had been taking a call outside and I caught the proof on camera because he told when and where to look for it. Quick Edit: My sisters are not moving in together because they each blame each other. They also blame the basement tenants while they blame my sisters. They all collectively blame me as well since I'm just pure evil but they think each of them pushed me to do it. Cameras- Only Mr. Attic still has access. The cameras were not part of the rental agreement and everyone lost their damn minds when I took away the access. They tried covering them or adjusting them but I warned them they would be held liable for damage and anything else I could get if they did that again. Now, I get middle fingers and aggressive stances and stares into the cameras. I'm sure I'm missing things. I just can't sleep and I'm swamped with getting them out, with work, and with trying to fill their places, and getting the basement redone before going back on the market. Update 3 July 7th, 2025 AITA for not telling my roommates and sisters I am the owner? Update 3 I really wasn't going to update again so soon. I was planning to wait til move out date or the few days following depending on how it all went but days ago a big thing happened and I just don't know how to feel about it. Also, I wanted to address a few common questions and concerns I got in comments and DMs. (If I haven't answered a DM, I am sorry. I wasn't expecting so many.) Sorry if this is long. Questions first: Is Mr. Attic still putting on his dramatic performance? : Absolutely. He has been bringing in boxes and leaving with boxes. The boxes are full of things he is donating or selling, or just empty. He is using this time as an excuse to declutter and redesign his space. I told him if he wanted to pick out new colors while I am redoing the basement to do it. He complains at my sisters in the kitchen or shared spaces when they try to talk to him about his plans, telling them he wouldn't have to make plans if it wasn't for them. Why not move into the basement and rent the house as a whole (possibly to a family)? : Children freak me out. (Kidding.) I have a pool and them being left unattended to drown is a big worry for me. I let the pool be communal. Children are naturally loud (stomping, slamming things, shrieking or laughing) and don't fully understand the concept of others and how they act infringing on their peace or the quiet. I work from home so I can't have that kind of noise above my head during meetings, or keeping me from sleeping. I also know from past experience that children are more destructive than pets (most times). I don't want crayon or marker on the walls, holes made from throwing toys, broken doors, or other things I've seen kids do during my time in the system. You leave a kid alone for a minute and they find all sorts of trouble. Did I get my restraining orders? : Not yet. I'm still collecting evidence for them. I've been collecting videos of the 25 year old screaming and the layers of harassment they caused. I also am elbows deep in an emergency one now. Call the police on the screaming : I've been advised by my lawyer to collect as many videos as I feel safe enough to do so first. Show a history, show a cause for concern. I will probably call sometime this week if she keeps it up but she has had a reason to stay very quiet. Change the locks when they leave: Every door is getting new locks, even Mr. Attic's. Charge the sisters for coffee and things: They supply their own food. They supply their own needs. My food has been moved into my room, thanks to the minifridge. Be careful they don't run up the bills: My sisters each pay equal parts of each bill in the main house. The tenants are responsible for their water and electric. If they run the bills up, they are responsible for them. The rent covers trash, wifi (no cable), heat. Onto the update. A comment mentioned that the flat tire I had might have been intentional. This left me very uneasy and I went to a friend to have it checked. He confirmed it has been slashed. I let him do a full body look over the car and he found an air tag in the bumper. We haven't figured out where it came from yet- or rather, who. He said that was outside his wheelhouse and I didn't want to keep it with me so I took it to my lawyer, who took it to the cops. I'm waiting to hear back. My 27 year old sister has been incredibly wired since it was taken to the cops, in my opinion. She has been constantly asking where I am going, what I am doing, who I am seeing. She didn't do that before. She has been trying to stalk my social media but I blocked her and a bunch of others. I know this because she keeps asking why I blocked her. She is demanding I unblock her because we are family and there shouldn't be any secrets. She also keeps pestering to know if I found their replacements yet, begging to stay, and demanding I apologize to her ex because I "terrified him with the lawyer". I am looking through my footage but I can't find anyone tampering with my car so I think the air tag was put on while the car was away from the house because whoever did it knew there were cameras facing the cars. The 25 year old started leaving big messes in the kitchen/ common rooms. She would leave dishes out overnight and a few days instead of cleaning up after herself and using the dish washer. She left clothes on the furniture and her muddy shoes in the hallway to trip people at the bottom of the stairs. I took pictures of the messes and reminded her that if I had to clean up her mess when she was gone, it would come out of her security deposit. When she cleaned the dishes, I took them all to my room. I did not supply dishes in the rental contract. Both of them are upset with me because they are back to living on paper plates. Onto the incident: Mr/s Basement do not have keys to the main house. He also didn't have cameras access to the main house except the door that connects the basement and hallway. I came home from my working day, spent at the library, to find Mr. Basement inside the main house. Alone. My sisters were still at work (I worked a half day) and Mr. Attic had left earlier that morning for a weekend get away - but he had told the others he was traveling to see a new apartment the next city over. Immediately on the edge, I called my friend and she stayed on the line while rushing over. I demanded to know what he was doing in the main house and how he got in. I had left after my sisters so I KNOW the house was locked up. He wanted to talk. He refused to answer how he got in. I figured it was a key from my sisters. He kept trying to get me to sit, to step away from the door. Eventually, he started telling me what I already knew about them moving in with family. How her family was terrible, how his family hated her, and he wanted to do anything he could to get an extension so they could focus on getting an actual apartment. When he said "anything he meant Anything" and as he said that, he stepped closer. He started to ramble about how he knew about "the way I looked at him" and he could "give me a good time". He talked about how "she didn't need to know of our time together" and "he knew I was lonely". While its true I have been single longer than I've known him, the single lifestyle has been entirely my own choice. Simply put, childhood trauma. I'm content with how I handle my life. I told him in no uncertain terms that what he was suggesting was exploitative, manipulative and downright disgusting. If he ever caught me staring, it was because of the weird 8 dot tattoo on his shoulder that I could never figure out the meaning behind. I like tattoos, I have a few myself, and I like figuring out the meanings. In no way do I find him attractive or appealing. In fact, he has the kind of red flags I would avoid in a man. I told him besides his looks, there are reasons I would never date him but I refused to list them for him. List (you can skip): He smokes, he vapes, he lights up Mary Jane. He hates animals. He wants a "brood" of children. He gets loud when he is mad, and will curse a person out over little things. He is jealous of others, men specifically. An example: He failed at being a gym bro so now men who work out are "compensating for something". He knows everything. He got angry and told me I "wasn't pretty enough to play hard to get" and that I was "lucky he was willing to help me out and maybe even give me a real reason to have such a big house". I think he was implying children. But as he was getting really nasty about it, my friend pulled up and honked loudly and for a long time. I took that distraction to get out and he followed, yelling about how it was a good deal and how I would regret being "old and alone". Minutes later, the cops rolled up. I hadn't called them, hadn't even thought to. My friend told her boss to as she left to come get me. I explained my side to the police, showed them the inside footage, and told them about his unauthorized access. They took back the key he had and trespassed him from the main part of the house. I forwarded everything to the lawyer and we should have an emergency protection order by tomorrow. I told Mr. Attic everything and he sent a small army from his community to his apartment and let me and them stay up in the apartment the last few days. I think I've been adopted? I had nowhere else to go. I have nowhere else to go. I am my only support. Or, I was. I now have these wonderful people as friends and they are willing to stay as long as Mr. Basement has access to the basement. Even after, if need be. But also, by not leaving I give the appearance I do not have the means to live in a hotel for the remainder of the month. (Who would?) I did the petty thing. I sent the video footage to Mrs. Basement. Its been radio silence from her, but she left me on read. I am shaken deeply from this. I am waiting anxiously to be told I have the emergency protection. But I have lovely people ready to toss him out if he manages to get back inside. I can't change the locks yet and even if I do, I can't guarantee my so-called sisters won't give him another copy. I changed the locks to my rooms and added extra. To be clear: because of the small army, my 25 year old sister hasn't been able to scream at odd hours. Any advice would be so appreciated. Update 4 July 11th, 2025 AITA for not telling my roommates and sisters I am the owner? Update 4 (+ The story of Mr. Attic) Hello everyone. I wanted to again thank everyone for their kind words, support, ideas and help. I cannot tell you how much your words and concern have meant, and how much the support has helped me keep strong and not back down. There have been times when I have wanted to crumble under the weight of all this stress but reading your comments has really helped me hang on. I wanted to update because so many seemed worried in my last post. I'm still here. The protection orders: I have one against Mr. Basement and he is officially not allowed to be on my property or contact me in any way, including through others like Mrs. Basement. I was unable to get one against my 25 year old sister because there hasn't been a threat of violence, even with police documentation of her screaming and the home security footage of her banging on the door. The move out date: July 26th (edited, my bad) Mrs. Basement: At first she tried to tell me she needed his help to pack and move things, and I had to repeatedly tell her he was not allowed on the property for any reason. I made it clear if I even so much as thought he was on the property, I would call the police to investigate. And I have done so. As of last night, Mr. Basement was arrested for ignoring the court ordered protection. He was in the basement helping pack at like 1AM. My new motion detectors in the back yard went off and sent me an alert. He had tried to sneak around the camera he knew was back there. But I have since upgraded and installed new hidden cameras. I was called an asshole for not informing them of the new cameras. Mrs. Basement is convinced I had seduced him and its my fault because I led him on. She yelled at me for trying to "take her man" and called me a lot of nasty things. She told me he only "offered" to do anything because they didn't want to move back in with family. It "was a sacrifice to keep her safe". There's no talking her down from that hill to die on so I have been keeping my distance. She has had a lot of "help" from family now and mostly, if I am home, I hear her family belittling her or her boyfriend's family scolding her. They think its her fault he tried to cheat and her fault they lost the apartment. They are not worried about staying quiet or calm because they are moving out anyway. 25 Year old sister: She only has a few big items left and has been mostlysleeping at her new place since it became apparent that I was going to have a rotating door of people staying with me. If she would try to leave a mess in the kitchen, she was met with judgmental stares. When she tried to take my TV in the living room while I was gone, Mr. Attic and a friend blocked her from leaving and called the cops. Its a newer smart TV. I had given Mr. Attic access to the other cameras until everyone was gone because I was worried for his and his friend's safety. She still curses me out when we manage to cross paths. She tried to cancel my internet and put "return to sender" on some mail that came in my name. The internet company has a special code for each account and she couldn't provide the code so they called me. My mail lady was confused and asked me about the mail, asking if I needed a forwarding address because I was moving. I'm going to get a lock box things for packages now. 27 Year old sister: I don't think she is looking for apartments. She keeps crying to me that she has nowhere to go. She tried to change the lock to her bedroom but I shut that down. I think she will try again. She has been bringing some guy around a lot but refuses to make introductions. He stays in her room mostly, only leaving to use the bathroom or watch her microwave ramen and eggs. He won't look anyone in the face and rolls his eyes when people try to talk to him. I'm worried this will turn into a squatter matter so I am working with my lawyer to have everything ready to remove him as well. Was he the boy toy from earlier?: I have no idea. I didn't know she had one and I don't know what he looked like. When I found out, it was only a name. Since she hasn't made introductions with him, I don't know who he is. Mr. Attic's blown cover: They haven't done much of anything to him since they seem to realize he was feeding me information. They blocked him. We are pretty sure they still think he has to move out too and him giving me stuff was a last ditch effort to stay. They won't even look at him anymore. The story of Mr. Attic (with his approval): Mr. Attic is the youngest of 7 (yes, that is right) kids. There would have 10 had there been proper medical care. His parents are heavily involved with their church and do not believe in a lot of things: modern medicine, birth control, non-traditional gender roles, ect. At this point, I'm pretty sure you can see where this is going. At 16, Mr. Attic was exposed to the outside world for the first time. Up until that point, he had been homeschooled and only knew people from his religious community. He started to sneak out to learn more. By 18, he had his childhood vaccines and a career picked out. When he told his family he wanted to learn medicine they tried to get him to "intern" with their family care people from the church. He perused real medicine and started classes to become a nurse. They were heavily resistant and hard to handle about it, but still talking to him. Mostly to try to force him back into the fold. He still lived at home so it was a constant battlefield. He began sleeping in his car on campus. But then he met a guy and his perspective on a lot more changed. They talked, they laughed, they danced. His family found out and went through the roof. They kicked him out with just the clothes on his back. They burned pictures of him, and any family photo that had him was either destroyed or he was cut out of. They cut him off from all family. They tried to take the car but it was in his name. They harassed and did a lot of terrible things to the guy he had been seeing. He was unable to handle the level of nuclear crazy that was Mr. Attic's family so he put a stop to their relationship. Mr. Attic, alone and desperate because of the upcoming winter, looked everywhere to get a place to stay. He crashed on a lot of couches for evenings at a time because fall hit fast and hard. No one could take him in long term because they were living at home or had roommates. He heard about my place from a friend of a friend and turned up one evening, asking like a small child if there was any room left. He offered to take the garage even, just a bed in the corner. I set him up in the attic and helped get him more clothes and a bed. I made intentional leftovers for the first few months and didn't take any rent until he had what he needed for class and himself. The rent started as just enough to cover his bills and after he got his career, it grew a little more. When I saw him on my porch, in dirty clothes and no jacket in October, I saw myself in January of the year I was shut out of my group home with just a bag of too small clothes, shoes with holes, an old hand-me-down ipad that hardly worked, and 50$ to my name. He told me he never forgot how kind I had been to him, and how kind I had been to let him bring in short term guests who also had nowhere to go until they could get on their feet. I hadn't known the full story when he first moved in, and I never pushed him. When he brought home a non-biological woman (I'm sorry, I don't know all the correct terms) and I didn't even blink, just offered spaghetti, he knew this was his place and I was his people. I didn't ask, didn't make a fuss, and offered some clothes for her. He always wanted to try to repay me but I always seemed to never need anything. He said I was always giving. I didn't see it like that. I've been invited to a cafe and bar. Ones that usually only caters to the LGBTQ+ community, but I am going to go and meet people. He'd like me to meet more of his friends. They really are wonderful people. Update 5 July 15th, 2025 AITA for not telling my roommates and sisters I am the owner? Update 5 I wanted to thank everyone for their kind words regarding Mr. Attic's story. I was honestly a little worried putting it out there like that but am glad I did. His friends have found the posts and have been reading off some of the comments for him. He turns red sometimes and tells them to stop. Someone in the comments had the idea to make "Team Attic" shirts and his one friend came by the cafe this morning with them. We were all wearing them when he came by before work and he laughed so hard he cried. And then he really cried. I felt bad but he told me he wasn't upset - he was just so warmed by all the kindness, grace, and wonderful vibes from the people reading my posts. He feels like he has a second community at his back now. This update isn't much: just the good, the bad, and the ugly. I really can't believe this is update 5 already. The good: I have been to the cafe twice now and both times have been charming, enlightening, and wonderful. I cannot stress how kind his friends and community are. They have spent their time teaching me, helping me navigate their terminology and have been so very patient with my relentless questions. (The food is kickass and they made me a pumpkin something that I could die for) The bad: I had the 27 year old's "friend" removed by police after he refused to leave of his own accord. He hit the number of days he was allowed to stay in the lease agreement and another handful of days would make him a tenant/squatter. I think they thought I didn't know that law or had forgotten or would be cool with him hanging around. (I did call him by the boy toy's name and he answered before immediately going back to her room.) So I think she was trying to get him to stay like their plan had originally been. He had a few bags of items and a laundry basket of clothes. He is well aware that I will call the police again if he shows up. She has not packed up a single thing. The ugly x3: My 25 year old sister is trying to sue me for "withholding inheritance". I don't know if she has a real lawyer, if its a cracker doing pro bono, or if its just an attempt to scare me into giving her money. I'm taking it to my lawyer in the next few days. Edit: I think she means my house. I never received anything from my parents - and my dad is not her dad so even if I had, she might not have been entitled to it. The police have not yet told me anything about the tracker found in my car. Mrs. Basement is trying to hide a bruise with some shoddy make up and big sunglasses. I can't say I know what caused the bruise, but I think we all have similar thoughts on the matter. She immediately goes inside anytime she sees me. Like, girl, I see you. Not a super big update or moving forward, but it feels nice to be able to type it all out. I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts submitted by /u/secure-raspberry-763 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

At this point I might just be looking to vent because she's choosing to not understand. I'll take advice though! My roommate is 27 and her boyfriend is 30ish. She met her boyfriend shortly after we moved in and slowly but surely he was here every night and no longer had an apartment. Found this all out in over heard phone calls etc. Didn't care much at first because he would help take care of her dog that was pissing all over the house but after a year I asked for him to pitch in. I was told he doesn't have any money and that she would talk to him. A couple months later we get a lease renewal and she lets me know they are getting an apartment together. Which... if you can afford to move into an apartment together you can pay your fair share here. I asked for him to contribute for the last 3 months of our lease and then found out he has been paying rent. Just only to her. For reference - we live in a luxury high rise in downtown Chicago with full amenities. This idea that he only uses her space is fucking nuts. They are fucking and fighting ALL over the house. For a while he was stealing my weed daily and even had the nerve to wake me up at 3am to give him weed. they use the common areas more than I do. How are people this unaware?!? Two nights after we exchange these texts my roommates boyfriend and friend come into the apartment while my roommate isn’t home and goes straight to my room, sees I’m there, then says ‘oh shit’ and closes the door. So for reference it’s 2 am and I wake up to two grown men in my room. They proceed to play music loudly and yell at me to ‘call the cops if I care. I have a sliding bedroom door that doesn’t lock or cancel out any living room noise. I have a meeting with management on Monday to explain the situation. I laid some ground rules down I’m sure they won’t follow and ya. Cheers to the worst upcoming 3 months. submitted by /u/roooomiebooomie to r/badroommates [link] [comments]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is candlethrowaway1. She posted in r/relationships Thanks to u/Katya_ who recommended the post! She also referenced this post in the comments of another BORU post. Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Trigger Warnings: sibling death; abuse; depression Mood/ending Spoiler: fucked up but OOP got out Original Post: November 25, 2015 Didn't mean for this to get so long but it seems it has. Thank you in advance for reading. Me - 24 female SO - 27 male (let's call him Eugene) My sister - female (deceased 2 years, let's call her Carrie) Background about my sister: Two years ago, my sister was killed in a car accident. She was riding with a friend to the mall (the friend's parent was driving), and teenage boy plowed through a red light while texting on his phone and hit the car my sister, Carrie, was in. Carrie was killed instantly and her friend, June, was in a coma for 3 weeks before her parents took her off life support. When Carrie passed I was devastated and angry and just not in a good place. Carrie and I had been extremely close. Despite a 7 year age gap between us, we enjoyed a lot of the same shows, we went to concerts together, we volunteered together, and I took it upon myself to guide Carrie like any big sister would do. Our parents were extremely busy with work most days and Carrie and I would often cook together and do crafts when we weren't too busy with school work. Carrie wanted to be a NICU nurse when she grew up and I helped her find a volunteer position at a local hospital to help get her gain some experience being around patients. In short, Carrie was my sister and best friend and when she passed, I was a mess. The last craft Carrie and I made together was a set of candles. We bought the wax at a local craft store and we both made each other a candle and decorated the jar it was in. That was the day before she was killed. At her funeral, Carrie was buried with the candle I made her. The candle Carrie made me sits on my desk next to my favorite picture of her and I together at the beach. Or it did, until last week. Background about my boyfriend: I met my boyfriend about a year and half ago (about 6 months after Carrie passed). I wasn't looking for a relationship; I was still grieving my sister's death. But Eugene came along and it was love at first site. He was extremely supportive, let me cry on him when I needed to, didn't push me into getting over grieving or anything. He was extremely gentleman about everything and very, very patient. After six months of seeing each other pretty regularly, we made it official. Eugene came into my life at a very low point and he has always been very respectful of sentiments I keep from my sister. Never asking me to take them down, always giving me space when I needed to cry. Eugene, along with most, if not all, of my friends and family know about Carrie's candle. There was a point after she died where I would take the candle with me everywhere out of fear that someone might light it, or steal it, or who knows what. The point is, that candle was and still is a very important part of my life and something that my sister made for me and me alone. When Eugene and I moved in together about 4 months ago, I packed away most of the reminders of my sister and put out the candle and picture on my desk. I felt that this was a huge step because when I'd lived just by myself I had pictures everywhere and a few knick-knacks laying around from my sister. I wanted to make Eugene and I's home our home with just a small part of my sister there. Eugene understood and was very supportive! The Issue: Last week, we had a massive winter storm that knocked out power. We didn't have power for 3+ days. The power was knocked out at Eugene and I's house while I was at work (which did not lose power). Eugene texted me that he was going to light some candles and try and get a generator so we could have some for of power or at least be able to charge our phones/use lights/etc. Now, we have probably 30+ candles in our house. I am a huge fan of sales and when Bath & Body Works has a candle sale, I like to stock up and get a range of scents. We have candles scattered all over our house. In the room where my desk is, there are no candles aside from the one Carrie made me. None at all and there never has been. This room is also downstairs, where Eugene doesn't spend a lot of time (his desk is upstairs). When I arrived home from work last week, I noticed a bunch of candles burning in our living room (safely! always monitored and not near anything that could ignite). One of these candles was the candle that Carrie had made me. I burst into tears and when Eugene heard me crying he came out from the bedroom (where he was lighting more candles) and ask what was wrong. I was a wreck and couldn't get any words out. When he tried to calm me down, I shoved past him and locked myself in the room where my desk was and just cried. I don't know how he could be so stupid. He knew and I thought he understood how sentimental the candle was and how much I cherished having a candle that my now deceased sister had spent time making with me just a day before she was killed. I haven't been able to speak to Eugene since it happened (Tuesday of last week). He has tried to explain why he did it, because he needed candles to be able to see but I just can't wrap my head around it. He hadn't gotten into the large candle stash I have upstairs right by the living room where Carrie's candle was but went downstairs, out of the way to grab the most sentimental, cherished item I have. The candle was burning most of the day while I was at work and is now melted and pretty much gone. I do still have the jar it was in but I can't look at it without bursting into tears. Reddit, what do I do? Eugene says it was an accident but I just don't believe that. He said he was getting around to lighting the candle surplus we have upstairs but just hadn't gotten there yet (after being home ~6 hours alone with no power). I am heartbroken and feel like this is a major slap in the face. I feel disrespected. I feel like he disrespected my sister. I just don't know what to do. I don't feel like I can forgive him for this. Can or should I try to work past this? tl;dr: Boyfriend burned a candle my deceased sister made for me because we were without power. We have a surplus of candles that he completely ignored. Can/should I forgive him for this? If so, how? Some of OOP's Comments: Commenter: I would absolutely end a relationship with someone over this. He must be a complete emotional idiot to think that this candle should be treated like any other. Also, I like how he tried to walk it back from "I needed candles and there was one," to "it was an accident." How fucking stupid he must be to think that this would be acceptable. Seriously, end it and don't look back. OOP: Thank you for your response. I really don't believe "it was an accident". From the living room to my desk room, there are probably 7-9 candles out, in plain view that he would have had to pass, three of which were lit when I walked in. I honestly believe he did it on purpose. Thank you again for your response. 70ms: This may be the wrong idea and it may not help but as a sentimental crafter I have a thought. First, I am so sorry about the candle. From what you've said about your boyfriend I think he just wasn't thinking. It might not even have occurred to him to remember that candles are consumable and the wax would melt completely away. Okay, on to the next step. Maybe a stupid idea. It's so so clear that you're still grieving over the loss of your sister. You still have the jar. On her birthday, or the anniversary of her death if that feels right, make a new candle in the jar. Pick her favorite color or something. When you make the candle, pour in all of your love for her along with the wax. Focus on that love when you're pouring. Think of the "new" candle as containing all of that love. Think of it now as something you made together... she made the vessel, you made the love. Just a thought. Maybe cheesy and stupid. But maybe not? OOP: I actually teared up at work reading this. I never thought to make a "new" candle. I really appreciate the idea and will definitely think about it. "she made the vessel, you made the love." That really got to me. I am not over losing her because she was that one constant happy in my life and it's been hard. I will definitely consider a "new" candle to show my love for her. Commenter: Has he apologized sincerely or just blown it off? The magnitude of his remorse should be your guide in how to take this. If he was just an absent-minded dolt, yeah a mistake. But a more deliberate action would have him showing little to no remorse. OOP: He actually has not apologized but instead tried to defend his actions by saying he needed the candle for light and then moved onto saying it was an accident. But thinking back, I don't think he has apologized for it at all. Update Post: December 14, 2015 (20 days later) My original post can be found here; click and the tl;dr is; tl;dr: Boyfriend burned a candle my deceased sister made for me because we were without power. We have a surplus of candles that he completely ignored. Can/should I forgive him for this? If so, how? A few people have PM'd me in recent days asking for an update so here it goes. My original post was the day before Thanksgiving. Eugene and I had planned to spend Thanksgiving with my parents but that did not end up happening. On my way home from work, I stopped at a local craft store to pick up supplies to make a new memorial candle for Carrie. Thank you u/70ms for the amazing, heartfelt suggestion. My parents and I spend a day remembering Carrie and making a new candle using some of the wax from the original candle. I also ended up purchasing a locket and having some of the remaining wax from the candle put inside and the locket welded shut by a friend. On the evening of my post, I got home and Eugene said he wanted to talk. I agreed we needed to clear the air before Thanksgiving so we sat in the living room and started to talk. I was not ready for what he told me. A few commentors from my original post seemed to hit the nail on the head in a way. Eugene told me that when we first met, he was extremely turned on by the fact that I was essentially a damsel in distress. I just lost my sister recently, I was in a massive depression, I wasn't myself. And that turned him on both sexually and in a "protective" way. Over the past few months, I've started to become more myself. I got promoted at my job, I've joined a cooking class and have gotten out more, and I've definitely moved away from being a damsel in distress in the eyes of Eugene. He went on to explain that he burned the candle in hopes that it would throw me back into that phase because that is the only time he felt he was attracted to me. That's right, he is not attracted to me unless I'm upset, crying, and a damsel in distress. When I prodded for more information, he told me that every one prior to me that he had dated had either just experienced a loss or was "in need of rescuing". Eugene told me he was no longer attracted to me. He dreaded having sex with me because he could no longer be the "hero" that was rescuing me which is what turned him on in the first place. He didn't like go in public with me because I had started to put myself together more (like not just wearing a t-shirt and jeans like I did when depressed) and that attracted the stares of other men that he saw as a threat (taking away his damsel in distress). Eugene had a whole laundry list of things he hated doing now because I wasn't in a funk anymore. I told him if that was the case then we needed to break up. He agreed and said he would go stay with a friend until he could make new living arrangements. My name is the only one on our house and I told him I would give him 60 days to vacate the house which he agreed was fair. Over the past few weeks, I've spent a lot of time with my parents and with close friends. I don't really feel like I've been dumped, or broke up with someone. I just feel like me. Carrie's candle sits on my desk where the original was and I wear the locket every day. Thank you Reddit for listening. I appreciate it more than you know. tl;dr: Ex only likes damsels in distress. We broke up. I'm happy. Top Comments: BeepBeepRichie1: Eugene is a fucking nutcase illinoiscentralst: Hey so, in a way, your sister's candle was a warning light so that you'd catch on to how fucked up Eugene actually is. Keep swimming OP, I hope everything goes well for you. Edit: This is actually a repost, I didn't find it the first time I looked but thanks to those that did! Originally posted 4 years ago here by u/bestupdator submitted by /u/LucyAriaRose to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/grandeeur I[43M] found a used condom in the bin that my wife[43F] and I have in our bedroom. We have not used a condom in the last decade and I have no idea what should I do now? Original Post - rareddit March 26, 2018 So I was taking a nap yesterday in the bedroom when I heard my daughter quietly walking in and asking me if I can give her some money so she can go out with some friends of hers. So I do that and on her way out, I still don't know how she managed to do it, but she kicked the small bin that my wife and I have in the bedroom. We use it to mostly throw away small things that we are too lazy to get to the trash. I was rather annoyed at getting my sleep disturbed so I told my daughter to leave it and that I will pick it up. She walks out of the room and I carry on with my sleep. I wake up a few hours later and I notice that the bin is kicked over and that some of its contents spilt out. I start cleaning up when I noticed something peculiar. In the pile of papers and napkins, I found a condom. A used condom. My wife and I don't use condoms. I am pretty sure I've never used one ever since I had a vasectomy after our daughter was born. So the question is, how did this one end up here? There is the obvious answer but I don't know. I keep thinking of different scenarios but the thought that my wife may have been unfaithful is the first thing that pops into my head and it's killing me. Maybe I am just paranoid and there is another explanation but I don't know how to approach this with her. What should I do about this? How do I start this conversation? I could use some serious help over here. tl;dr I found a used condom in the bin that my wife and I have in our bedroom. I have not used a condom in the last decade or so and I have no idea how to approach this matter with my wife. RELEVANT COMMENTS ApprehensivePickle2 Uh...how old is your daughter? Is it possible it's hers? OOP She is 16 but I don't know if she is sexually active. My wife and I talked with her about sex and how to stay safe so I guess it is possible. I just don't know when she could have done it, you know. She mostly stays at home and focuses more on her school then ... social stuff. She barely stays home alone and most of the times she has friends over, they are mostly other girls. I don't know, maybe it's hers but I have no idea why she'd throw it away in our bin and not the one where we usually throw the trash ~ Veiran If you're up for it, could you give us an update for the resolution? On topic: As mentioned by some others, there's two possibilities: either it's from the activities of your wife or your daughter. Acquiring the truth is paramount here. First, how is your marriage? Do you and your wife argue a lot? Are you intimate often (not necessarily sex)? Have you drifted apart at all? Second, are there periods of time where you and/or your wife are away from the house? Are there extended times when your daughter can be alone at your house? Has she expressed interest in boys/men that you are aware of? OOP Part of the reason why I said that nothing makes sense is that because my wife and I have a good relationship. Nothing out of the ordinary. She is acting like her normal lovey dovey type when she is around me. We go on dates and do normal things a normal married couple would do. So it wouldn't make sense for her to cheat. Veiran Then your wife is the first person you talk to. You're partners, after all, and like others have suggested, don't accuse her of anything. Pay attention to the way she speaks and her body language, if you can. If nothing seems off, then it comes down to approaching your daughter with your wife at your side. The truth will come out eventually. ~ Commenter You never mentioned how old your kids are. They could have used it and tried to dispose of it there instead of their trash. But... I mean... probably your wife is screwing someone in your bed. OOP I have three. Two boys and my daughter that I mentioned. My oldest is 25 but he is living abroad with his wife and barely comes home. The other is 22 and is away for college. And my daughter is 16. She lives at home and I can agree that maybe it is hers. I have no idea why she'd throw it my our bin ... it just doesn't make sense. Nothing makes sense since yesterday and I just don't know what to do Update - rareddit March 30, 2018 I posted earlier this week about my issue and I honestly had no idea it will blow up this much. Something like 500+ comments on it and 1.4k upvotes. So thanks for that. Also, I expect that not a lot of people that read this post would remember my previous one. I can't update it properly since it says on the sidebar that you can't update locked or removed posts so I have to post this as a separate submission. If you want to read some of the comments on the previous one, go to my account history and you can find it. The best way I can describe what happened for those that are unfamiliar with the story is that I found a used condom in my bedroom trash can. My wife and I don't use one ever since I had a vasectomy done like 10 years ago so it didn't come from me. I will admit that the first thing that popped into my head was that infidelity was involved but like many of the people that commented on my previous post said, it could have also just as easily come from my 16-year old daughter. That she is a teen and you know, they are notorious for doing some dumb shit. Like having sex in your parents' bed and tossing the condom away in their trash can. It didn't sound plausible at first, mainly because I guess I am not ready to see my little girl in this light, you know being sexually active and all that even though I expect her to be. But after some time has passed and I had time to sit and think, it really would have made more sense for her to do something like this, than my wife. I spent the entire next day with my wife. I posted on Tuesday, so this is happening on Wednesday. I had a completely crappy day and my mood was pretty sour. And my wonderful wife picked up on that and she literally spent the entire day trying to cheer me up. She took me out for lunch at my favourite place even though she is not really a fan of this restaurant, we played tennis together even though she doesn't like this sport. She even helped me out with a hobby of mine that I love and while she doesn't partake in it, she never voiced any disapproval of it. In fact, she encourages it. It's those small things that she does that make me feel appreciated. They are a reminder to me that my wife really loves and cares about me. That day I realised how much of a fucking idiot I am for even thinking that she is capable of hurting me or our family. I felt like an asshole for even considering the idea. So I told her, I told her everything. I told her about the condom and how I found it. The mixture of shock and surprise in her eyes when I told her that I found a used condom in the trashcan were genuine and that was enough for me to know she had nothing to do with it. So I told her that I am thinking that it came from Kara(our daughter). We were going back and forth when we heard our son coming into the room and saying "I am sorry". I should point out that the son in question is my middle child. I have an older son that is 25, this one is 22 and my daughter is 16. My wife and I looked at Simon and asked him what he means. My son then went on to explain this story. About a month ago, my son, his brother and his brother's wife were at home while I was on a business trip and my wife and Kara were visiting her parents. So one evening, Simon, his brother and his SIL went out for dinner and after that decided to go to a club. My oldest son and his wife took off earlier than Simon and came back home while Simon stayed for a little longer. He eventually came home but he wasn't alone. He picked up a girl at the club and brought her home with him. My son explained that since the bed in his room is single and our guest bedroom was already occupied by his brother and SIL, he found the next best thing, our bedroom. He did the deed there and tossed the condom away in the trashcan. In the morning he changed the sheets but he forgot to empty the trashcan and the condom remained there. I was really surprised at this and so was my wife. I honestly expected to have this conversation with my teenage daughter and not with my adult son. My wife said something similar to him, that we should expect something as stupid as this from his sister and not from him. But in the end, we hashed things out and I am glad we found the culprit. So my post finishes here. I want to say thank you to everyone that commented and got involved in my previous post. Your words really did help me and I am very grateful for your help. You talked me through an honestly baffling experience and pushed me in the right direction. I started off with the wrong idea but in the end, you were right. It was indeed one of my kids. Not the one we expected but still. Thanks for everything guys and have great day/night. Take care :) tl;dr I found the culprit. It wasn't my wife and it wasn't my daughter but it was my son. He brought home a girl and had sex with her on our bed. He tossed the condom away in the trashcan and after forgetting about it, he left it there. All is well in my household and I want to thank you for that. RELEVANT COMMENTS BlackRogue9 Well, at least you know your son uses a condom even when he's drunk, i could forgive the inapprppriate use of your room. OOP Even though I slagged him off quite a lot in this post, I am proud of him. I am really happy he is keeping it safe. Ghonaherpasiphilaids You should.probably tell him this. He's probably quite embarrassed and it might help to hear that from you. OOP We had another talk yesterday and I told him how I feel about this whole thing. That even though what he did was rather idiotic, I am not mad at him and I am happy he did the right thing in coming clean about this. I have always had an easy-going relationship with my children and they know they can come to me or my wife with anything hence why I guess he felt comfortable enough in talking to us about his sexual adventure. He is a great kid and I am proud of how he handled this. I would have said and felt the same if my daughter was the one that did it. THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7 submitted by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 to r/BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

I (26F) have been with my now-ex-boyfriend “Eric” (28M) for two years. Overall, we’ve had a good relationship, nothing crazy—until last night when things completely fell apart. We were out at a bar with some of his friends, just having a normal night. Drinks, food, the usual. Eric and his friend “Mark” (28M) were joking around, and Eric made a comment about how much Mark was eating. Something like, “Careful, Mark, you’ll eat the whole damn bar.” It seemed harmless at first, just typical guy humor. But then Mark looked right at me and said, “If only she knew.” It was one of those moments where you instantly feel uncomfortable, like there’s something going on behind your back. I had no idea what Mark was talking about, and the whole vibe at the table shifted. But before I could even react, Eric exploded. He went off on Mark, screaming at him to shut the fuck up, and even tried to get physical. His other friends had to hold him back. Mark didn’t really react, which only made Eric angrier. The whole thing was awkward as hell, and we ended up leaving early. When we got back to my place, I couldn’t stop thinking about that comment. So I asked Eric, “What the hell did Mark mean by ‘If only she knew’? What don’t I know?” And instead of just answering me like a normal person, Eric lost it again. He started yelling at me, telling me to drop it and stop being “paranoid.” He was dodging every question, getting more pissed every time I brought it up. I wasn’t trying to pick a fight I just wanted to know what was going on. It felt like there was something important being hidden from me, and I wasn’t about to let it slide. But every time I asked, he’d just get more defensive and angry. Finally, he stormed out of my apartment. He doesn’t live with me, so I locked the door and called it a night. I didn’t hear from him until this morning, and when I did, it was just more angry texts, telling me to “drop it” and leave him alone. At that point, I was done. I’m not going to sit around and be treated like I’m crazy for asking a simple question. I texted him back saying we’re done, I need space, and if he can’t be honest with me, then I don’t want any part of this relationship. End of story. Now here’s where it gets worse. He’s been going around to our mutual friends, telling them that I “left him for no reason” and trying to make it seem like I’m the one who overreacted. Some of them have even reached out to me, saying I should have just let it go and that I’m blowing things out of proportion. I told them to mind their own fucking business. I don’t care what they think—none of them were in that moment, none of them saw how he acted, and none of them have to live with the pit in their stomach that I’ve had since that weird-ass comment from Mark. I’m not about to stay in a relationship where I feel like something shady is going on behind my back. If Eric can’t be straight with me after two years together, then what’s the point? So, Reddit, AITA for leaving him over this? Update I feel like I’m living in some kind of twisted nightmare, and the more I try to make sense of it, the worse it gets. Mark called me today while I was at work, I didn’t expect him to call me because he was ignoring me I stepped outside to take the call, and he told me something that I never in a million years could have prepared for He told me that Eric has been putting other men’s semen into my food, drinks,skincare shampoo conditioner and even my toothpaste. I’m not exaggerating, I’m not being dramatic, that’s what Mark said. Eric has apparently been hooking up with random men, having them finish into cups, and then using it in my meals and drinks like it’s some kind of sick joke. Even as I write this, I’m still in complete disbelief. Who does that to someone? Mark said he found out about this a week ago, but for some reason, it took him that long to tell me. A week. I’ve been living my life, completely oblivious, trusting Eric someone I loved while this was happening behind my back. I feel so betrayed, so disgusted, and so violated. When I asked Mark if he and Eric were having an affair or if this was some sort of twisted thing between them, he swore they weren’t, and he even made a gross comment about not wanting to touch Eric because “who knows what diseases he has.” That made my stomach turn. I’m getting tested for everything now because I don’t know what’s been in my body. When I got home, I went straight to the kitchen. Mark told me to check under the sink, and there they were the cups. Hidden behind the cleaning supplies. I lost my shit. I threw out everything in the kitchen, and bathroom even stuff I knew wasn’t touched. I don’t care. Everything feels contaminated now. My home doesn’t feel like a safe space anymore. Every time I walk into the kitchen, I feel like I’m going to throw up. I can’t even function without my mind going to dark places, thinking about all the times I had no idea what was happening. I don’t have any solid proof of this. It’s just Mark’s word and those disgusting cups, and I feel so powerless. If nothing can be done about this, I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do. How is this even legal? How can someone get away with something so vile? I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust anyone again. This whole thing has been messing with my head in ways I can’t even explain. I feel dirty. I feel like I’ve been violated on such a deep level, and there’s nothing I can do to undo it. My mom wants me to check into a hospital just to make sure I’m okay mentally, and I’m honestly going to do it. I don’t feel stable right now. I don’t feel like myself. I’m scared I might hurt myself or someone else. Eric was eating the same food. He was eating the food that he had contaminated, right alongside me. Was it a kink? A power trip? I don’t even know anymore. All I know is that the man I thought I knew, the man I loved, is a complete stranger to me now. I can’t believe I’ve been living with someone capable of something so vile. I feel like I’m losing my mind, and I don’t know how I’m going to come back from this how can he do this to me I’m genuinely losing it I’m a danger to myself I won’t be on I’m going to check myself into the hospital. Update 2. After everything happened, I completely broke down. I stopped eating, I stopped sleeping, I barely even felt like a person anymore. My mom was terrified, and she practically forced me to go to the hospital I tried to put it off for a couple of days I got worse, she was scared I was going to do something to myself. And honestly? I don’t blame her. I wasn’t okay. I was so far from okay. I felt like my entire world had been flipped upside down. I couldn’t even think straight. I just kept replaying everything in my head over and over again, trying to make sense of it, but nothing about this makes sense. Nothing. I ended up staying in the hospital for a week. The doctors were kind, and they did their best to help me, but there was only so much they could do. They couldn’t erase what happened. They couldn’t make it not real. At some point, I just felt like I was wasting space. I knew there were other people who needed that bed more than I did people who were physically hurt, people who could actually be helped. Because what happened to me? There’s no fixing that. No amount of therapy, no amount of medication, no amount of time is ever going to undo it. I know that now. So I left. I’m back at my parents’ house now, staying in my old childhood bedroom. It feels so strange, like I’ve stepped back in time. Like I’m a teenager again, except I’m not. I’m an adult, and my entire life has just exploded in front of me, and I don’t even know how to pick up the pieces. My cousin is here too, staying in the guest room, and honestly? I don’t know what I would do without her. She’s basically my sister, and she hasn’t left my side since I got here. I know she’s worried about me, even though she tries not to show it. I don’t blame her. I’m worried about me too. The police actually took things seriously. I was scared they wouldn’t, that they would laugh at me or tell me I was crazy. But they didn’t. I could see it on their faces They believed me. They went to Mark’s house to get his full story, since he had blocked me the day after everything went down. That hurt more than I thought it would. I thought he was my friend. I thought he cared about me. But the second things got hard, he ran. But now, I know the truth. And I finally have the full story. That night when Mark and Eric were drinking together, Mark went to change the music on Eric’s phone. While he was doing that, a message popped up from Lewis. (Yes, one of the friends that told me I was “overreacting.”) The message said, “Goodnight, I love you❤️” with a heart emoji. Mark thought it was weird Lewis and Eric weren’t that close so he scrolled through the notifications and saw a bunch from Grindr. At first, he thought maybe it was just a joke. Apparently, Eric used to go on Grindr “as a joke” back when they were younger and having sleepovers. But the more he scrolled, the worse it got. There were so many messages. Mark said his stomach dropped. He felt sick. He never suspected that Eric was actually gay. He never even considered it. But in that moment, everything started to click. And then he realized something else he had trusted Eric. He had changed in front of him. Slept next to him. Shared things with him. And suddenly, he felt violated. So he confronted him. That’s when Eric broke down. He started crying, begging Mark not to tell me. He told him everything. Every disgusting detail. Mark said he just stood there, frozen, unable to move. He didn’t know what to do. He told Eric to calm down and go to bed. Eric passed out drunk, and the next morning, neither of them spoke about it. But then that night at the bar, when Eric made the comment about food knowing that Mark had struggled with body image issues his whole life that was it. That was the breaking point. That’s why Mark reacted the way he did. That’s why he snapped. And now, for Eric… I don’t even know how to say this, so I’m just going to say it. He’s dead. After everything came out, Eric completely shut down. His mom said he wasn’t eating, wasn’t showering, barely left his room. She thought he was just processing everything, so she left him alone. She would leave for work in the morning, and he would still be asleep. She’d come home at night, and he would still be in his room, sitting there in the dark, smoking weed. She said he hadn’t smoked since high school, so she had no idea where it even came from. Then one night, she woke up to a loud thump. She went to check on him. And that’s when she found him. He had hung himself from his ceiling fan. The weight must have been too much, because the entire thing collapsed. She found him on the floor. She was the one who found him. Alone. I don’t even know how to process that. As much as I hate him as much as I will always hate him I felt bad for her. No mother should have to find their child like that. No one deserves that. I’m not continuing the investigation. I don’t have it in me. His family has already been through enough. And honestly? His death was my closure. That probably sounds awful, but it’s the truth. He was a terrible person. He ruined me. He gave me AIDS. I am never going to be the same again. I will carry this for the rest of my life. I wish I had never met him. I wish I could erase him from my memory. I dread the day I die because that means I might see him again. And then there’s Lewis. He’s hiding. He’s blocking everyone, avoiding all contact. And at first, I didn’t understand why. But now I do. He was involved. He was one of them. I didn’t even consider it at first, but the way he’s acting now? It’s obvious. And if he was? He’s either going to jail or getting hit with my car. And I’m fine with either. That’s all for now. Sorry if this isn’t the update you wanted. But this is my reality now I’m so angry the thought of death doesn’t even bring me peace because he ruined that for me. There’s so much more to this, but I don’t think it’s really necessary for you guys it’s mostly just police stuff. Eric’s family wanted me to attend his funeral, and then there’s the whole situation with Lewis. Also, Mark tried to sleep with me. Thank you so much for the support, and I’m sorry it took so long to update. I wasn’t okay I’m still not but I’m doing better. Your comments and messages kept me going. I love you all. ❤️ submitted by /u/Sweaty-Dark2229 to r/AITAH [link] [comments]